“Doc, I wanted to let you know, I’m going to be moving out as soon as I get back to Salem,” John says sadly. When he, Marlena, and Roman came to Mexico, he did it knowing that he was Roman Brady. To him, the trip to Mexico was just a formality to back up what he already knew in his heart. But, he was wrong, and now everything was going to change. He was losing everything and saying it out loud makes it more real. A stabbing pain shoots through his chest as he realizes the woman in front of him is no longer his wife. He watches as her eyes dart down and then back to him. He’s about to walk away from her and his children and he has to know, he has to ask her, “Is he a good father?”
“Yes,” she said softly, watching the pain play over his face.
“Someone the kids are going to be able to trust?” he asks with an emotional break in his voice.
“Yes.”
John has tears rolling down his face as he tries to smile at her. Marlena has only been back few short months. The twins have barely had time to get to know her and now this. “Sami’s still scared of lightning storms…you know that?” John asks.
Marlena simply nods her head, wishing she could do so much more in this moment. She wants to reach for him and hold him. She wants to reassure him that everything would work out, but the pain in her own chest was so tight. Besides, how could she promise him it would all work out, when she didn’t even have that faith. Her own heart ached. She wanted to be back in San Cristobal wrapped in his arms again, but instead they found themselves here…saying goodbye, when it was the last thing they wanted.
“You think maybe it would be alright if I was there when you told them?” he asked her.
“I think you should be there. I think you should be the person that does tell them,” she replies in almost a whisper, barely able to speak.
“You okay?” He asks her, even though he knows she’s not.
“I’m taking this one step at a time,” is all she can say, because the truth hurts too much.
“You know what I think about when I start to worry about you?” John asks her with a small smile. “I think about you running up that hill after you found the picture and you thought I was him. I remember that look on your face. I never saw you so happy…like you were running into the arms of the best thing that had ever happened to you. Do you remember that?”
Marlena’s weeping continues as she just nods her head, staring at him in an attempt to memorize every line on his face, and every expression of his eyes. She remembers that day. She was so happy to learn that he was Roman…but it was more than that. He wasn’t Stefano. She loved him with her heart and soul because of who he was…not because of who he was.
John notices her studying him. He also realizes that she was barely holding herself together, so he decides to be the strong one, and make this okay for her. “That’s what tells me he’s one of the good guys,” John said.
Marlena’s voice broke as she tells him,“Do you know that some women live their entire lives and never find anybody wonderful…and I found two. You are two of the very best.”
“Well, I wish I knew that,” John says walking away and turning his back to her. Being this close to her, alone, hurt…it hurt a lot.
“Are you angry?” she asks him.
John turns to face her, “Oh, I don’t know, I guess you could say that. I want to say that Roman finding his way out of that hellhole was wonderful. That him finding his way back to you, Eric, and Sami is wonderful.” John can’t seem to stop crying, so he turns away again, trying to hide his pain, even though it’s evident in every muscle of his body. “Everything is wonderful if you can forget one thing…oh, G-d, Doc, this is crazy! I don’t have any memories of my own, and the ones I do have I’m supposed to forget.”
Marlena steps up behind him,“No, don’t forget it. Just think of this as a journey, and this was a place that you stopped along the way.” She reaches out to touch him, even though she knows she shouldn’t, and runs her hand over his shoulder and down his back. She’s sobbing now as she stares at his back, saying brokenly, “And then you moved on.”
“Yeah, it’s probably good,” is all he can muster to reply. He turns to face her, his broken heart written upon his face.
“I make it sound simple, don’t I?” she asks him, knowing that there is nothing simple about what they are both suffering through in that moment.
“Too simple,” he says reaching to take her hand in his. He stares at their hands for a moment, before raising his tear filled eyes to hers, saying roughly, “I loved you.”
“I loved you…” she sobbed. He smiles at her, unable to speak because of the pain. She continues to stare into the face of a man she knows she will love forever and says, “Love…you.”
John shakes his head to rid himself of the memory. He doesn’t know where to turn, or who to talk to. If he could, which he can’t, he would go to Marlena; but since everything that happened in Mexico, he doesn’t feel that he has that option anymore. She’s helped him in the past with trying to tap into his memories and he trusts her more than anyone else in the world…but he can’t go to her. He has to find someone else, because even seeing her across the room makes him feel like his heart is being mangled and torn from his body. Smelling her perfume when she walks by shoves a hundred memories into the forefront of his mind in an instant and makes him want to push her into a corner somewhere, touching her in all the places he’s no longer allowed to touch her. He can barely function as it is, but being close to Marlena takes almost all rational thought away from him. He feels like he’s lost everything. He has lost everything.
He’s doing a horrible job of handling that, and he knows it. As much as Isabella tries to help him, she doesn’t understand any of it. She understands maybe, on a superficial level, but, in John’s mind, she’ll never really understand. She’s trying too hard. Everyday, she’s pushing the idea of them living together and getting married, and at one point, before Marlena returned, that was all he wanted. Isabella was bothered, upon his return from Mexico, when John decided to get his own apartment, rather than move in with her. She wants to start a family, and she has placed the events of Mexico into a mental box and locked them away.
Isabella seemed almost happy to see Roman return, and that’s caused John to feel bitter towards her, almost as if she welcomed his pain. And while he knows it’s not true, rational thought is not something he’s doing very well with lately. Isabella didn’t have her children taken from her, she didn’t lose her job…or watch the love of her life walk away with someone else while her soul tore itself in two. John knows he’s pushing Isabella away and he can’t seem to stop. She touches him and he flinches away from her. She tries to get him to open up and he lashes out with angry words…or he simply shuts down completely. John has erected a wall between them and he can’t seem to find the will to tear it down.
Grief is a funny, complex emotion and John realizes with a deep, profound knowledge that he is, in fact, grieving. Trying to communicate that grief so that Isabella might understand, attempting to get her to empathize…he has no energy for it, and honestly, he’s not sure he wants to. Explaining to her, his innermost thoughts and intense sadness over losing the kids and his job is not the problem; however, explaining to Isabella how he feels when he sees Marlena, when he smells her as she walks by…he can’t. Those feelings are so deep and so private, he feels like if he shares them with Isabella, he might hurt a little less. As odd and ridiculous as that sounds…John wants the hurt and those feelings are his. The hurt makes it real. The pain that lances his chest every time he sees her or inhales the scent of her walking by…that means it was all real. So he needs that pain and his pain is for him alone. His pain is all he has left of Marlena.
He was so torn about Marlena when she first returned to Salem. John can’t even remember why now. He clenches his fist in frustration as he takes the hospital elevator up to the sixth floor. His other arm wraps possessively around a beat-up, leather satchel with a broken handle. When Marlena returned, after being thought dead for five years, he couldn’t make a decision between her and Isabella. Then Stefano made the decision for all of them.
It was assumed by all that Roman’s return meant Marlena would go with him. After all he was her husband. It was also assumed that John would be with Isabella…except he barely even looked at her lately. Looking into Isabella’s eyes reminded him of everything he had lost. He couldn’t even fight for any of it, because none of it was his. The children were Roman and Marlena’s children, the job…the job was Roman’s too. How could he even begin to fight for things that were never his to begin with?
John stepped off of the elevator and headed for the nurses station on the sixth floor. Approaching the nurses desk, he says, “I need to see one of your doctors. Whitney Baker.” He clutches the broken and charred bag to his chest, hoping that the doctor is available to see him before he loses his mind completely.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Baker is with a patient now, Sir—” the nurse replied.
The panic in his chest reached a fever pitch as he barely managed to choke out his next words, “Do you know when she’d be freed up?”
“I really don’t know. I can schedule an appointment for you—” she tried to say, but John cut her off impatiently.
“—no that’s all right…thanks,” John says feeling helpless and lost. He had no idea what to do or where to go. He began to turn around, holding the bag with the mystery of his past like a lifeline. At this point in his life, this almost empty broken bag was all he had. It literally represented the shell he felt he currently was. He stopped moving as soon as the fragrant scent of lilacs reached his nose. Marlena was somewhere near him, and his body started reacting immediately. He felt himself getting hard just from the aroma and the knowledge that she was near him…and then her heard her.
“John?” Marlena said softly. Mentally preparing himself for the sight of her, before he turned around, caused the ache in his chest to grow. It was going to hurt but he couldn’t just ignore her.
Turning slowly to face her, John plastered on a fake smile and said with fake nonchalance, “Oh, hey, Doc. What are you doing here?”
Something was wrong. Marlena felt the tension rolling off of his body in waves. He was unshaven and his hair was messy, as if he hadn’t even been home all the night before. Maybe he hadn’t been. She wouldn’t know. They had had so little contact over the last month. Since their return from Mexico Marlena had been focused on helping Eric and Sami adjust to having her and Roman for parents and grieving John. She worried about Roman’s nightmares and moodiness, as well as his inability to understand that his children were allowed to mourn the father they lost. At the same time she was trying to get her own life back to some sense of normalcy…or at least the fragments she was left with.
If John wanted to pretend that everything was fine, she could do that…for the moment. So she replied, “Well I’m filling out paperwork and having meetings. I’m-I’m being re-certified.”
“Oh, that’s good, that’s good. Gonna hang out the old shingle again, huh?” He was smiling but it was a smile that never reached his eyes. He was in pain and Marlena wanted to reach out to him, comfort him. Fingers twitching with the desire to run over his day old scruff, she instead, shoved her hand through her hair, brushing her bangs across her forehead. John’s eyes were darting around avoiding hers and it broke her heart. He was hurting…badly, and rather than talk to her about it, he allowed himself to suffer.
“Yeah…it’s just about time,” she said quietly. After a long pause in which she continued to study him, she asked, “Can we talk privately?”
His eyes shot to hers immediately and he stopped moving around in the restless manner he had been. “Sure,” he said as he stared at her. His intensity had shifted completely to her. The tension in his body was still there, but it had been unfocused and shifting. Now it all seemed to be pinpointed on her. They stared at each other in silence for a moment, each wanting to reach out the other, but holding back because they shouldn’t. They couldn’t. Lines were firmly drawn in the metaphorical sand now, boundaries that couldn’t be crossed – she stayed on her side and John had to stay on his. They both knew it was the only way they would survive this.
Marlena looked towards the staff room and started walking. He watched her, as she walked toward the other room, her hips swaying. John followed her without a word. Once inside the room, John felt it closing in on him. It was difficult to breath with the tightness in his chest and all he could breath was Marlena. Her scent filled his lungs and he wanted to suffocate in it. He laid the satchel on the table and tried to looked anywhere but her.
“Are you alright?” she asked him with obvious concern.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” John scoffs and answers with forced nonchalance.
There is another long pause while Marlena studies him. They both are struggling to try and navigate this new relationship they are forced into. Their natural, and instinctive reactions with each other are no longer acceptable. John’s not allowed to pull her into his arms and stroke her silky, blonde hair. Marlena isn’t allowed to run the tips of her fingers over his lips and stare into his indigo blue eyes, she does, however, step closer. She refuses to allow herself to reach out to him. Instead she takes a deep breath of him and holds it in her lungs before continuing, “Isabella told me about the results from the satchel. I know how disappointed you must be.”
Isabella was a safe subject. Using her to break the tension was something that was necessary. “Well, I would have liked to have found more in the bag than just a couple of souvenirs but, what the hell, that’s not going to stop me. I mean, if these things mean anything to me, I’m going to find out what…I think I know how,” John finished as he ran his hand over the leather of the satchel in front of him.
“Really? How?”
“I think I already know what they mean…”
“What?” Marlena asks softly. She’s scared. Scared for what these things might mean for John. She’s scared for how his life might change or what he’ll learn. She can’t be with him, but she still loves him. She’s still in love with him.
John levels his intense blue gaze on her and says, “I think maybe the answers are inside my own head.”
Instantly intrigued, Marlena asks him, “You mean you’re having memories? I thought the only memories you were having were Roman’s?—”
“That’s all I remember right now, but I gotta believe, deep inside of me there’s gotta be another past, another life—my life! And damned if I’m not going to find it, Doc.”
“You’ll need help,” she says. John just stares at her with all of his pain and longing reflected in his eyes. He can’t allow her to help him. Marlena can’t stop herself anymore and steps forward, placing her hand on his chest, “Let me help you. I want to.” John’s eyes dart to the side and he starts to turn his head away. Marlena grabs his face with both hands, pulling him back to her, “Let me do this…please.”
Her eyes are begging him as her fingers softly trail over his jaw, perilously close to his mouth. The ache in his chest grows deeper as he feels hot, wet tears begin sliding down his cheeks. He didn’t even realize he was crying. There is no way he could spend time in her office with her and refrain from touching her. None. He was shaking from the weight of holding himself back in that moment. In her office, where they wouldn’t be disturbed and no one could walk in, John might not be so strong. “I can’t, Doc. Not this time. Not with this. I don’t even see the point in continuing this conversation.”
“I think there is,” Marlena stated simply. Allowing him to handle this alone was not an option. It was obviously a bad idea that she insisted she help him, but bad ideas never stopped her when she had decided on a course of action. After all, hadn’t she followed him around the woods of West Virginia five years earlier while being chased by Victor Kiriakis, Bo, Shane, and the KGB? She had stuck to John like glue, even when she thought he might be Stefano…she loved him even then. She was determined to help John find his past, even if it turned into a full blown argument, she would wear him down and he would eventually concede to her help.
It was as if John read her mind, because he said, “Well then, this conversation is going to escalate into an argument, because I don’t.”
“I am a very good doctor!” she almost shouted at him.
“That’s a fact, Doc! It’s not the point,” John walked away from her, desperate to get space to think. He had to get far enough away that he couldn’t touch her, or grab her and pull her soft, warm body crashing into his.
“Alright, fine. What’s the point?” Marlena turned and faced him, noting the clench in his jaw and his refusal to look at her.
“I need someone who can be objective,” was all he said.
“I can.”
“—treat me just like any other patient.”
“I can!” she practically yelled.
“How many other patients have you slept with?” John asked her bluntly watching her face for her reaction. Silence pervaded the room as Marlena and John stared at each other, breaths going in and out of their bodies at a quickened pace, with a million unspoken and unexpressed emotions.
John raises his eyebrows as he continues, “You see? It doesn’t matter how much you want to help me, Doc, you can’t help me. It’s not possible.”
“Maybe I can’t treat you like any other patient, but I promise you something…I can help you,” Marlena says stepping closer and laying her hand softly on John’s arm for the second time that day.
He steps back, scoffs and looks away, “I think I’d be better off with Dr. Baker—”
“Why?” Marlena asks, watching him cross the room to get distance from her. “You’ll have to tell her everything that I already know about you. You’ll spend time getting comfortable, you’ll have to build a base of trust—”
“—I just don’t want you involved, all right—” John says with the volume of his voice rising.
“—why not?” Marlena shouts back at him.
“Because I don’t, that’s why!” He couldn’t explain this to her. He had to remember they had boundaries and letting Marlena in right now could be catastrophic. Before he could say anything else, she walked up to him again, closer than she had been before.
He finally took note of the tears building up in her hazel eyes. She asked him quietly, “…Because you’re upset…about the children, aren’t you? Look I know how you feel, I how painful that is—”
John’s heart breaks into a million pieces all over again in that moment, as he remembers saying goodbye to Eric and Sami. He can’t do this right now. He needs to leave before he says something he regrets. Shaking his head and looking around the room for an escape, he says,“Doc, Doc, Doc! Don’t tell how to feel about having my kids taken away from me, because you don’t!” John’s tears are freely rolling down his face, “Nobody does.”
Marlena chokes up, nodding at him, and starts crying softly, and stepping even closer. Her breasts are almost brushing against his chest and he feels his body responding to her nearness. She whispers to him, “Do you blame me for this? I would-I would understand if you did…”
John reaches his hand up, wrapping it around the nape of her neck and pulling her body against his suddenly, holding her there, and he whispers across the top of her head, “Doc…baby, no, I don’t blame you for this. It’s just that every time I look at you though, I remember…those feelings come back to me again…”
Baby. Marlena doesn’t know what to say for a moment, her heart stutters, because those feelings always come back to her when she sees him. Always. She tries to gather her thoughts together and leans back from him, grabbing his face in both of her small hands and says, “Listen to me, Stefano tried to destroy us. He cheated us—all of us! But mostly…you. He gave you a life, and then he took it away, and for whatever part I played in that, I am truly, deeply, sorry—” One of her thumbs brushed a tear from his below his eye and her other hand brushed over his lips before she could stop herself.
The gesture was so familiar. John grabbed her wrist holding her hand to his lips, while his other hand cupped her jaw and tipped her head up. John knew he should stop, he should release her before this went too far…but he didn’t. He leaned forward and kissed her softly on her lips, before touching his forehead to hers for one brief moment. He let go of her and stepped back quickly. John’s eyes shifted to the satchel on the table in front of him, looking anywhere but at the woman staring at him so intently. He wanted her. He wanted so much more, but he couldn’t have it. None of it was his anymore. John finally looked to Marlena, refusing to acknowledge what he had just done, instead saying, “Doc, I told you, I don’t blame you. It’s okay.”
She wishes she could step back to him and give into the raging emotions in her body. Crying again, she says, “I blame myself…and I will go on blaming myself until I do something to make this right. I-I was the one who convinced you that you were Roman…that you were my husband, that we had children, that we had a family together! And frankly…I’m having a very hard time living with myself right now…”
He couldn’t continue to fight this, to fight her. He loved her, and so, John stepped back to her, reached out with his hand and tipped her face up to his, asking her quietly, “You really wanna do this, huh?”
“I really do…for both of us,” she replied as relief rolled through her. Their lack of closure was killing them both slowly. Maybe helping John find his past and heal from this would ultimately help them both…because as it stood right now, Marlena knew…they were both miserable.
A small grin came to his face. It wasn’t much, but it was real and Marlena was relieved. John asked her softly, “Tell me…do you give discounts to ex-husbands?”
“I will this time…” Marlena smiled back and a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, escaped from her lungs. She and John share another longing look before she turns away abruptly and starts shifting things around in her pile of things to look for her date book. Their carefully place boundaries were crossed today and there is now a crack in that wall. Apprehension and a little fear rippled through her body at the realization, but she continues anyway, “Let’s see, we’ve got, uh,—we’ve got Christmas, and that’s no good, and then, um – um, the day after is not good, so…” She hears John’s footsteps as he approaches behind her. Both of them are emotionally exhausted after this exchange and barely able hide their emotions, let alone have the restraint necessary to prevent themselves from acting on them. She can feel his body heat as his shoulder brushes her back and she rushes on, “The 27th of December, how is that?”
“Yeah, if you can fit me in there…” he replies. Step away, John, he thinks to himself, but he can’t seem to do it. Instead he breaths in the scent of lilacs deeply and his palm reaches out to barely brush along her hip and down her thigh. The touch is so soft, maybe it’s not even happening and she’s imagining it, but the feel of it brings her soul some much needed peace.
The tension in his body releases some as his palm settles gently on her thigh for a moment. He stays that way, allowing his shoulder to brush along her back and his fingers to sit on her leg and he soaks her in…this brief touch he lets himself have, giving him a respite of emotional safety, but it’s not enough.
Allowing him this moment, refusing to turn around or even acknowledge it is one of the hardest things Marlena has ever done. She knows that if she turns to him, she might reach for him as well. Instead, she continues speaking, as if it’s not happening, “Oh, I will do it…I will do it…I’m sorry that we have to wait…”
“—it’s just a couple days. It’s alright,” he replies, brushing the tears from his cheek quickly. I have too, he thinks, before he removes his hand and presses his body against her back, feeling her heat. He can’t stop himself, as his palm grips the front of her thigh and moves up, across her belly. He holds her there for a moment, both of them breathing heavily, before stepping back, walking from the room, and leaving Marlena behind.
~ ~ ~ ~
Ivan stared at Vivian incredulously. John Black’s DNA? She wants him to get it, but how? So Ivan asks her and he’s not happy with her response.
“I don’t care how you do it, Ivan, just do it!” Vivian says to him. “If he is Forrest Alamain, I need to know. He has the locket, so he might be…maybe. My sister was so f*cking crazy, it could be possible…”
Ivan was not looking forward to trailing John Black and waiting for the moment to pounce in the hope of robbing him of some of his genetic material. All he could pray for was that he didn’t get caught.
~ ~ ~ ~
Roman’s body jerked awake following another intense nightmare. Covered in sweat with his heart beating so hard it hurt, he tried to calm himself down like Marlena had showed him, but it didn’t help much. His mind was consumed with finding Stefano when he was awake and he was overcome with reliving the last five years of hell when he was asleep. He reached for his wife and felt nothing but emptiness where she should have been. His heart sank. He knew where she was. She was downstairs with that fucking box of memories. He knew it was there. He even knew what was in it. He wanted to fucking burn it…but he didn’t.
The first time he woke to find her missing from bed in the middle of the night he had gone looking for her. He watched her at the dining room table crying over a wedding photo of her and John, tracing her finger over his face and speaking softly. He’d wanted to rage, scream, yell, tear that picture from her fingers and destroy it. He didn’t. Instead, he listened as his wife spoke her heart to a photo of a man who lived across town. A man who no longer shared her life, but she wished he did.
At first, Roman had tried hard to make her happier, since it was glaringly obvious that she was unhappy. He spent time with her and the kids, he took her to dinner, he came home from work at a reasonable hour…none of it worked. She barely let him kiss her. He had been back for a month now and she was still secretly pining away after a man who had stolen his whole life. A man who stole his children, his job…and slept with his wife, all while thinking it was his to take! Roman saw John as an extension of Stefano, someone who could never be trusted. John was created by Stefano to replace him in his life and Roman hated him with a passion.
Marlena, for her part, said and did all of the right things. She was supportive and caring, she smiled at his jokes and did her best to help him feel included, explaining things that had happened while he was gone and removing all the photos in the house that had John in them…at least he thought she did…until he looked through a circular, flower covered hat box that was hidden in a drawer downstairs. The same fucking box his wife was probably downstairs crying over right now.
~ ~ ~ ~
Marlena placed the lid on the box, smoothing her palm over the lid like a caress, and sighed softly. John’s palm on her thigh that afternoon had felt like the slow burn of seduction and she was still thinking about it hours later. It was dangerous to fantasize and dwell on those things because it could only lead to trouble, but the mind didn’t cooperate sometimes and her’s was a traitor. She wrapped her arms around the box and laid her cheek on the cool exterior, lost in thought. She remembered back to when she and John had almost made love in Miami, before San Cristobal…before they found Roman.
She stood leaning on a large rock near the beach, the cool breeze coming off the ocean blowing though her hair, caressing her cheeks and cooling the tears on her face. She didn’t know how much longer she could go on with this. She wanted him so badly, and she loved him as if his soul was the missing part of hers. It was becoming so agonizing, that she walked out of the hotel room they shared before she said or did something that would make them more awkward together. The last thing he needed right now was more pressure from her to make a decision that he wasn’t ready to make. Staring into the moonlit ocean waves, she heard his footsteps before she saw him. Then he called to her, “Doc!”
As he rounded a tree and saw her, relief coursed through his body. He didn’t like her to be alone out here at night, and while he had wanted to follow her…he knew why she left, so he allowed her to be alone with her thoughts for awhile. She turned to face him with a small, fake smile plastered to her tear stained face and his heart broke a little for her. He rushed to her, “I’m sorry, baby…look, I don’t mean to pull away from you, okay?” He grabbed onto the front of her jacket to keep himself from slamming his lips onto her hers, his fists twisting the fabric harshly. His own heart was so confused, but as time went on the decision was becoming clearer…he just had to tell Isabella first and breaking Isabella’s heart was going to be painful for both of them. Yet as he gazed into Marlena’s hazel eyes, he knew…there wasn’t another choice. Their souls were matching pieces to the other.
Marlena couldn’t stop herself any longer, she reached her palm up, running it softly down his jaw. She said to him quietly, “Thank you,” and then she leaned forward intending to kiss his cheek. He was staring at her so intently, his eyes flashing from hers to her lips and back to her eyes. Without much warning she was pulled forward by her jacket and his lips crashed to hers.
His thoughts were racing, but the one at the forefront of his mind was, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?” He pulled back and stared at her, his mouth open slightly in awe…then he pulled her forward again, because the idea of stopping was ridiculous. Marlena whimpered into his mouth as his tongue swept across hers and he was almost instantly hard, feeling a heavy ache in his cock.
Marlena moaned again, threaded her fingers into his hair pulling him closer and scared to let go. She was scared that this moment might end and she’d never get him back. He bit and nipped at her lips before pulling back and changing the angle, but coming in full force. Her stomach flipped and her pussy started throbbing almost immediately. It had been so long for them and this was what she had wanted since she returned home.
He couldn’t get enough of her. The taste of her mouth brought back so many memories of their life together. He grabbed at her hair trying to pull her mouth closer only to realize that it was impossible. He moaned into her mouth, kissing her roughly one more time. Pulling back and looking into her dazed eyes and glancing down at her puffy, swollen lips – he made a decision. Grabbing her small hand in his much larger one, he pulled her towards the hotel, saying roughly “Let’s go.”
As soon as they entered the hotel room, he flipped her around, slamming her body against the door to the room and crashing his lips back to hers. “F*ck, Doc, the taste of you is like coming home,” he rasped against her lips. His body covered her completely and his hands gripped at her waist, sliding up, pulling her silk shirt from the waistband of her slacks. His palms moved along the outside of her breasts and towards the buttons of her blouse. John rasped out, “I have to see you…can I?”
“Yes…oh, G-d, yes!” Her shirt was almost torn open in his haste to get his hands and his mouth on her breasts. Her pussy throbbed as the pain of his nips and bites along her neck sent thrilling jolts through her. She needed more. Marlena unfastened the clip holding the front of her bra together, letting it fall open. The growl that fell from his lips almost caused her to orgasm right then.
He shoved his face into her breasts rubbing his nose along the skin and breathing deeply. Without lifting his head he turned his face to the side and sucked a nipple into his mouth pulling deeply and laving his tongue over it. He bit and sucked at the side of her breast leaving a dark purple mark in his wake…a spot she would stare at for the next week.
It all ended with a knock on the door, “John? It’s Abe. Hey partner, I got the plane. The supplies are all loaded and it’s fueled and ready to go.”
Marlena realized that her tears were soaking into the box, causing the cover to bubble and warp. She tried to wipe them away but it caused some of the paper to come off, so she left them to soak into the cardboard. The taboo nature of John standing so close to her today, with his hand barely touching her thigh, was bringing up so many complex emotions. Emotions that she knew in her analytical brain, she had no right feeling. That didn’t stop them. She remembered what almost happened in Miami, and then she remembered their passion in San Cristobal the night before Roman found them.
The sounds of the forest surrounded them in the quiet room as Marlena lit candles. She could hear the croaking of frogs and the chirping of crickets carrying on the soft breeze as it wafted through the open window. The heat of the day had made way for the coolness of the night. She felt the breeze brush her legs as she stood near the window wearing one of his t-shirts for bed. He came up behind her silently, pressing his body against her back and wrapping his arms around her waist. His heat permeated the thin cotton of the t-shirt and she had to hold back her moan of longing. She wanted him so badly that she shivered in his arms. Laying his chin on her shoulder, he says quietly, “I don’t think you realize how brave you really are, Doc. Coming all this way to face down those memories.”
“I had too,” Marlena says with a small smile on her face, turning to face him. He had taken his shirt off at some point and she forced herself not to run the pads of her fingers over his chest.
Her eyes sparkled in the candlelight and the shadows played off of her cheekbones in the darkness of the room. He reached out to softly run his fingers along her jaw, playing with the ends of her hair around her shoulder,“Because you care about me…it’s the only reason you’re really here. I know that…even though I don’t say it sometimes.”
“I’d do anything for you. I mean that,” she whispers to him.
“I know it…and it works both ways..” He whispers back as he tucks a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear and watches as his fingers run down her neck.
“It does?” she asked looking at him intently.
He wrapped his arms around her shoulders pulling her head to lie on his chest,“You’re only here, because I needed to be. You gave me what I needed, Doc…it’s my turn.” Running his fingers over her hair and down her back, he asked her, “What do you need?”
“I need this. I need you to hold me. I need…” She needed him, all of him, and she felt like they were so close. He was close to making that final decision. She was his wife and she wanted to be his wife in all ways, but she couldn’t push him. He had to reach that conclusion on his own, or their life together, the one she imagined daily, would never work.
He leaned forward pulling her lips to his and whispered across them,“All night long.” Walking to the bed, he removed his pants, climbing in wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs. Marlena’s heart stuttered as she stood in the moonlight watching his body move. Her pussy clenched in reaction to the tumble her stomach did while watching him. She climbed into bed and settled into his arms, sighing in content. She wanted it to be like this forever.
Snuggling back into his arms, Marlena says tenderly, “All I ever needed to feel safe was your arms around me…we’ll solve this mystery and I’ll be able to move on with my life—”
“—Our lives,” he interjected. “…then we move on with our lives, Doc. Both of us…”
She turns to face him, running the toes of her foot along his calf muscle and linking her leg around his, “Our lives? You mean, our lives together?”
He kisses her lips so softly it’s almost a whisper and says, “Yes, Doc. Together.”
Threading her fingers though his hair she puts her forehead to his and just breaths in the scent of him, “I need you…”
“You’ve got me…” he said right before kissing her again. His palm sweeps under the blanket, over her thigh and around to her ass, pulling her closer as his mouth devours her. Wrapping his fingers around the elastic of her panties he pulls them down her legs roughly causing Marlena to cry out. Almost instantly his fingers find her pussy. “You’re so fucking wet, Doc…” he groans harshly in her ear, while biting at her neck. His cock is so hard it’s throbbing painfully as his hips jut out and he grinds himself against her hip. It feels so good, he cries,“Doc!”
“I’ve been thinking about you all day…since last night. I want you so bad…please…” she starts pushing at his boxer briefs, trying to get them over his hips. She breaths into his ear, “I don’t think I can wait!” Marlena sits up in the bed, pulling his briefs off of his legs and straddling his c*ock, sliding her soaking pussy along his length. At the same time she pulls the t-shirt she’s wearing over her head and then bends forward licking across his chest. Holding herself up with her hands on his shoulders, she glides her pussy back and forth over his c*ck, feeling the wet, silky, slide of herself along his shaft.
He feels that build-up, the tingle at the base of his spine that signals his impending climax, “I can’t wait either…f*ck!” Lifting her slightly and leaning forward to take her nipple into his mouth, he pushes his c*ck into her. Her heat envelopes him and his whole body shivers and covers in goosebumps. Pulling his mouth off of her breast, he practically screams“F*ck…f*ck!” He jerks her body forward to lay on his chest, wrapping one arm tightly around her and using his other hand to guide her hips and grind their bodies together.
Her clit is pinned between them as they slide and rub along each other. The cool breeze from the window glances over their bodies cooling the sweat on their skin. “You feel so good…so good,” Marlena moans into his neck, “I love you.” She bites at him and licks his neck savoring the taste of his skin while she is overcome with the heat rolling off of his body.
The room was silent, except for the sounds of their lovemaking and the forest beyond the window and they truly felt they would never be apart again. As they tumbled over the precipice together, he moaned in her ear, “Doc…Marlena, I love you, too.”
Marlena had been so sure that the choice between her and Isabella had been made, at least in his heart…until the real Roman Brady had shown up. The following day they had woken and made love again, reveling in their love and planning their future. Less than eight hours later their world was upside down.
Marlena quietly entered her bedroom with Roman, glancing at the clock on her bedside table. It read 4:38 am, so she might be able to get an hour of rest before she had to get up and start her day. She walked into the bathroom intending to wash the tears from her face and climb into bed without waking Roman. Instead she heard him enter the bathroom behind her, and close the door with soft snick. Startled, she turned around to face him, intending to ask him what he was doing, but he started first, “How many nights are going to sit down there crying over a fucking box of memories, Doc?”
Rage colored his features and she was caught off guard with how to respond. She was frustrated to be faced by Roman’s anger at this time of day and surprised that he knew about the hat box she had hidden downstairs. This was a conversation they would eventually need to have, but not right now. “Roman, I’m not sure 4:30 in the morning is the right time of day to be having this discussion.”
“And what time of day might be good for you, Doc? Could you pencil me in for this afternoon?” he said, his voice rising.
“Roman!” Marlena hissed, “the children are sleeping—”
“Yeah, while their mother sits downstairs pining over the the man that stole my f*cking life! Explain that one to me? You barely let me kiss you, we haven’t made love yet, and you sit downstairs crying over a box filled with photos from a past that never should have happened!” Roman roared as he turned and left the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
Never should have happened? Tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks while she slid to the floor and sobbed into her hands. No matter what path her life took, she could never, would never, regret her time or her life with John. Marlena sobbed as quietly as she could sheltered in her small bathroom.
“Mama?” She heard Sami’s little voice outside the door. The doorknob turned and Sami peeked her little head around the corner. “Mama?” she asked again. “Why are you crying? Was it…him?” She shuffled into the bathroom with her stuffed tiger and sat on the floor next to her mother, snuggling against her, she sighed. Marlena and Sami sat together in the quiet of the bathroom for a long time, both of them lost in thoughts of their own, but taking comfort in the presence of the other. After a long pause Sami said, so quietly Marlena could barely hear her, “I miss my daddy.”
Marlena thought for a moment about the impact losing John was having on the twins. All three of them were suffering and she could end that. She had the ability to ease that pain for them. Making an impulsive decision, she asked Sami, “Do you want to go out for pancakes before school? Because you know Mommy can’t cook.”
Sami started giggling and said, “Yeah!”
After leaving the twins to get ready she phoned John at his apartment. It was early, only around 6:30 when she called. She knew she had probably woken him up, but it was a school day so they had to do this early, if they were going to have any meaningful amount of time with him. John answered with sleep still in his voice, the deep rumble sending shivers of excitement through her body, “Hello?”
“John…it’s, um, it’s Marlena. I was wondering if you could meet me for coffee?”
“Coffee? Doc, what time is it?” he asked her.
“It’s about 6:30…” she trailed off, feeling only slightly bad about waking him this early for ‘coffee’.
There was a pause on the line and then he said, “Yeah, Doc…I’ll meet you for coffee. Where at?”
~ ~ ~ ~
Ivan was half asleep in his car outside of John’s apartment, in the shadiest part of town, when he saw him leave at 7:00 am. He didn’t have the time nor the inclination to wonder where he was going at such an hour. He had one mission and he was about to get it done while John was out.
He climbed the fire escape to John’s apartment and was very happy to realize that the window had been left open. That certainly made things easier. Climbing through and making his way to the bathroom, Ivan made short work of divesting John’s hairbrush of his follicles, sealing them in a sandwich bag and exiting the same way he had come.
~ ~ ~ ~
“Oh, I’ve never had pancakes from here before!” Sami squealed hopping along the sidewalk to the diner and pulling her brother behind her. Marlena wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but she couldn’t change her mind now. Roman had told her in very specific terms that he did not want John interacting with the twins. Initially, she had agreed, because Roman had lost so much, but Sami’s whispered words that morning let her know that it was wrong to keep them apart. Her children were hurting. Eric had been unusually quiet the last few weeks and Marlena was concerned about how much losing John had hurt him. He went through the motions of his daily life, but his spark had gone out, and Sami was getting in trouble in school.
She knew of a diner on the other side of town that was different from the places they usually frequented. She knew she was being secretive, and she knew it was wrong, but still she intentionally chose a place where they would not run into people they knew…or Roman. Once she mentioned to Sami that the tables at the diner had mini juke boxes, she was excited and ready to go in fifteen minutes.
Before they entered the diner, Marlena stopped them and kneeled down, “I have a surprise for you. I called someone to meet us, ok? We’re going to go in and have breakfast with them now, are you ready?”
Eric must have seen something in her eyes, or her facial expression, because he perked up immediately. “Is it Daddy? Are we gonna see Daddy?” he asked her grabbing her hand in his small one with more hope in his eyes than she had seen in weeks.
“Daddy?” Sami yelled looking around her brother towards the door to the diner. “We’re gonna eat breakfast with Daddy?” she squealed.
Marlena’s heart broke a little more as she stared into her children’s hopeful eyes. Daddy was what the twins still called John, Daddy was not Roman. When it came to Roman the twins tried not to call him anything. They knew he was no longer Mr. Patrick and they knew they shouldn’t call him Roman, so they intentionally avoided calling him anything. Roman had mentioned it to her once, but she had told him to give it time. Marlena sighed softly, giving them this moment, “Yes, it’s Daddy. Now let’s go surprise him.”
Taking each of the twins by their hands, she led them into the diner looking around for John. Even though it was early, it seemed to have a fair amount of people there. She saw him sitting with his back to them, in a booth about half way back and pointed him out to the twins. Eric had more excitement and energy in him than she had seen in awhile. He smiled at his mother with so much love in his eyes, turned and sprinted down the aisle yelling at the top of his lungs, “Daddy!”
John knew that voice and immediately turned around with a look of shock on his face, his eyes briefly darting up to Marlena, but then focusing back on Eric…who was closely followed by Sami screaming, “It’s a surprise Daddy! It’s a surprise!” and jumping into his arms. He felt complete in that instant. The hole is his soul that had pervaded his life for weeks was filled in, in an instant.
By the time Marlena reached them, John was holding both of them close to his chest. He looked at her with tears in his eyes and mouthed the words, “Thank you” over their heads. Sami and Eric both climbed into the booth on either side of him and started talking non-stop while Marlena slid into the seat across from them. John immediately reached out, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together, telling her, “Thank you for this, Doc…I-I needed something, I was feeling so lost…” he wiped a tear from his face and said, “Thank you.”
~ ~ ~ ~
John had returned to his apartment to find Isabella waiting at his door. John was slightly irritated to see her, but pushed the feelings back, instead saying, “Hey, Isabella. Have you been waiting long?”
“Not long,” she said following him into his apartment. “Where did you go so early?”
John wasn’t sure he should say anything. He knew that Roman had explicitly asked Marlena to keep the twins away from him. “I had coffee with Doc,” he said.
“You went to get coffee with Marlena at 7:00 in the morning, John?”
“Yes, coffee.”
“She’s married…I just don’t understand why we can’t move on with our relationship? Ro-…John, we can get married now like we had planned. Roman’s back, he and Marlena are together…we are free to love each other. Don’t you want that?” Isabella asked him.
“I need time…it’s not that easy for me…” he said, turning to look out the window of his apartment. The view from his window included the fire escape, the alley below, and the brick of the building next to his, but he still got a slight breeze. Standing there John thought about the time he and Marlena spent together on San Cristobal, before Roman found them, because, even though they had never discussed it, they each knew that the other had never mentioned it to either Roman or Isabella. John continued, “I’m trying to figure out my past, who I was, and in order to do that… I’m going to have to go digging through my brain.”
“Digging through—oh. And who’s going to help you do that? Doc? Right?” Isabella asked him with barely concealed contempt.
John spun around to face her angrily, “Don’t call her that.”
“Why? You do. Roman does,” Isabella felt like she was intentionally trying to bait him, but she couldn’t figure out why. Why couldn’t John just accept the way things had turned out and move on…with her? They had plans and it was as if he’d just forgotten all about them. Isabella grabbed her jacket and her purse and left John’s apartment without another word. He turned back to the window and continued to stand there.
His train of thought led him back to San Cristobal, back to the morning of the day Roman returned. How he wished they could go back to that morning, but then he immediately felt guilty. As much as John wished he could freely love Marlena, he wouldn’t wish what Roman went through on anyone. “F*ck!” he slammed his hand against the window frame in frustration while he thought about placing his palm on Marlena’s thigh the other day. He shouldn’t have done that…but he didn’t regret it either. His skin remembered the heat of her, the firmness of her muscle under his hand, how she pretended it wasn’t happening and continued to talk as he brushed against her…her tone had became breathier, husky almost, and it turned him on.
John felt himself growing hard in his sweatpants and reached his hand to push down on the ache. “F*ck….” he moaned. He couldn’t get Marlena out of his mind. Since they made love on the island, he was bewitched. His dreams were filled with her, with them together, in every way imaginable. Sometimes his dreams were memories of them together and other times they were dark, sensual…sexual things that they had never done, but G-d, he wanted to. John wasn’t even aware that his mind could go there, but sometimes when he awoke breathing hard and wet with his own cum – he wanted to go there…with Doc.
Their final morning together, before it all fell apart, his eyes had opened to see her standing by the window in his t-shirt. The beauty of her astounded him, but on this morning, she was even more beautiful. The breeze was blowing through her hair as the blonde color speckled in the early morning sunlight. With no make-up on her face and a rosy glow in her cheeks, he felt his body reacting to her instantly. He took note of her pebbled nipples beneath the cotton fabric and the faint smile on her face. “Do you like what you see, Sailor?” she asked him.
Getting out of bed, already erect and throbbing for her, he answered with a growl, “F*ck, yes.” He moved his body up behind her rubbing his c*ck along her buttocks and pulling the t-shirt up, over her hips. “Doc…no panties? G-d, I love you, woman…” he growled as he leaned into her hair. His large hands gripped her hips, pulling her back as he ground himself into her. His hands trailed further down over the front of her legs and around to the inside of her thighs, sliding up and applying just enough pressure that she spread her legs open for him. Marlena shakily leaned her body forward into the window sill, balancing on her arms, as she felt the heat of his c*ck rubbing along her back.
Her gasps and breathy pants urged him on as he moved his hands up under the shirt she was wearing to grasp her full breasts. The way her body was tilted caused them to hang in such a way, that he felt himself get harder, “This shirt has to go. Now.” he said, scrambling to remove it. He wanted to watch the sway of her breasts as she leaned over, open for him, and naked in the the open window.
“But we’re in the window…what if someone…” she said, but somewhere in another spot of her mind, she admitted that idea being seen, being watched, heightened her arousal.
“Who’s going to see, Doc? No one is here…but if they did, you might like that. The idea of someone watching you as I make love to you in the window,” he replies pulling the shirt over her head and reaching for her breasts again. “You are so f*cking beautiful like this, all spread open for me in the sunlight…” He pinches her nipples, pulling her breasts up and twisting them before dropping them to bounce against her. Marlena moaned long and loud, tossing her head back.
He watched the silky strands of her hair brush across her naked back and laced his fingers through it. Pulling her head back even more, tilting her face to his, he crashed his mouth onto her, sweeping his tongue along hers. He pulled back and whispered harshly in her ear, “Is your pussy still wet from last night? Is it dripping down your thighs for me, baby?”
She could feel her own wetness on her thighs, as the breeze from the open window washed over her skin. “Yes, I’m so wet for you it hurts…it aches so much, please…”
Using her hair as leverage, he kisses her one more time before releasing her. He kneels behind her, his own c*ck screaming for release, spreading her legs further. Placing his palm along her lower back, he pushes her down until her breasts rest in the window frame. The wetness from her open p*ssy glistens on her inner thighs. He reaches out with one finger running it along her slit until he reaches her clit and flicks it roughly. She cries out, “Oh, G-d! Please!”
“Please what, Doc?” he whispers, his breath wafting over her hot, moist, center. He licks the pad of his thumb and rubs it over her anus, pushing with enough pressure to make it hurt good, but not enough to penetrate…yet. At the same time he flicks over her clit again.
Her hips jerk trying to find release,“I need to come. I need to come so bad…!”
He leans forward, licking her essence as it slowly runs down her skin and says, “You want me to f*ck you?”
The only response he receives is a mumble of nonsensical sounds interspersed with the high pitched, breathy sounds of her arousal. Not able to hold back any longer he stands behind her and rubs his c*ck along her soaking wet slit. They both groan as his c*ckhead bumps her clit. The slide of it feels so good he repeats it a couple times, but he has to stop before he comes. Taking his wet c*ck he rubs the tip over her anus to make it slippery and then he effortlessly slides into her p*ssy. Her moist, hot heat squeezes at him so hard, he almost looses control. He can tell by the way her walls flutter around him that she is close to her climax. He knows just how to get her there. Reaching his hand around, he uses two of his fingers to rub over her hard clit, while taking the pad of his thumb on his other hand and pushing and circling it over her anus.
“Oh, G-d!” she cries, her body jerking at the overwhelming sensations. She feels so full, she just needs him to move. Her hips jerk forward trying to f*ck herself on his c*ck because he’s holding so still, rubbing her enough to keep her on the edge, but not allowing her to climax. His thumb slips in and then out again, pushing on her and making her ache even deeper as his fingers circle and flick at her clit repeatedly. “Oh,oh…”
“What do you want, baby?” he whispers to her.
She can’t handle the overwhelming sensations that he is causing in her body, she needs release. So she begs him for it,“You! I want you! F*ck me…please!”
As soon as he feels that she is about to come, he moves his hands to her hips, gripping her so tightly her skin will likely bruise. He pulls his c*ck out of her almost completely and slams back in. Marlena braces her body on her hands in the window, as he pushes in and out of her at an almost frenetic pace. It’s that moment, when they reached their climax together, as the sun was rising, and gleaming off of her hair and the sweat was glistening along the skin of her back…in that moment, when he pounded into the welcoming heat of her body and they both professed their love for each other, that their souls melded into one soul for a split second and then returned to their respective bodies.
~ ~ ~ ~
“I’ll pay triple the price to get it done sooner,” Vivian told the lab technician at the medical testing facility. “All I need to know is if the two samples are the same person. That’s it!”
“Ms. Alamain, we have protocols to follow and there are tests that were submitted before yours. I can’t j-just skip those,” the lab tech said nervously. Vivian Alamain was a woman who scared him. She generally got what she wanted, but he needed this job and there were rules.
“Where’s your boss?” she demanded.
Twenty minutes later, and $15,000 poorer, Vivian walked out with a smug smile and the assurance that the results would be ready the next day.
~ ~ ~ ~
It was early afternoon when Taylor McCall found an opening for a conversation, that didn’t involve work, with Roman. “I saw your wife this morning, with the twins, down at the diner off of 4th,” she said as nonchalantly as she could. She knew she was going to cause trouble. She was actually hoping to cause some trouble. Marlena didn’t appreciate what she had in a man like Roman Brady. “I ran in for some coffee before my shift started.”
“Your shift started at 7:30 this morning, McCall. You sure it was Marlena?”
“Yes, I’m sure. She was eating breakfast with the twins and, um,…” she says acting like she just realized this could be an issue. “You know what? Never mind. I might be mistaken. It was early, the lighting was bad…”
Roman was very quiet for a moment. He knew exactly who Marlena and the twins were eating breakfast with. But why? He didn’t want his kids anywhere near that man. He’d already told her that. He didn’t trust him and he sure as hell didn’t like him. The kids were young. Sure, they were sad, but they’d eventually get over it. But they wouldn’t get over it if his wife allowed them to spend time with John. Roman finally turned to McCall and asked her, “And what time was this?”
“I don’t know…maybe around 7:15-ish?” she said as she turned back toward the filing cabinet with a smirk on her face.
~ ~ ~ ~
Roman made arrangements for the twins to stay with his parents for the night. He needed to get some things straight with Marlena and he didn’t want the twins there for it. He was furious. They were married. They had taken vows! She had promised when they married, “forsaking all others”…that meant letting go of John and focusing on their marriage. If she couldn’t do that, they weren’t going to last.
Roman was still pacing the floor when Marlena walked in a half an hour later. She knew immediately that Roman was agitated. He was standing in the middle of the room, glaring at her, and his hair looked as if he had run his fingers through it a few times more than necessary. She noticed the unnatural silence in the house, “Roman? Are the children not here?”
“No. I thought it best that they not be here when we talked.”
She started to hang her coat on the coat rack and place her bag on the floor, “About this morning? Roman it’s been a long day. I’d really just like to—”
Roman cut her off abruptly, “—What did you do after I left this morning, Marlena?”
She knew then that Roman was aware that she had met John at the diner with the children. She hadn’t planned to tell him about it, but she also wasn’t going to lie to him about it now, either. “The twins and I met John for breakfast this morning,” she stated simply, refusing to elaborate.
“I told you to keep the kids away from him. You agreed to do that. Didn’t you?”
“I did…initially. But after watching their behavior over the last month, I think keeping them away from him is causing them more harm. They aren’t adjusting, Roman. Eric is practically disappearing into himself, he’s grown so quiet…and Sami? I’ve gotten three notes from her teacher this month about her behavior. She’s saying rude or hurtful things to classmates or being physically aggressive at recess.”
“They’ll adjust, Doc! They’re kids!” he screamed at her. “Taking them around him will just make it worse!”
“No. I disagree. This morning, Roman, I saw more light in Eric than I have seen in the last month. He was personable, talkative, and excited during breakfast. On the way to school he was talking about his plans for the day,” she replied calmly. “An hour ago, I received a call from Sami’s teacher saying that she had a wonderful day. She was respectful and kind…she was helpful to another student who didn’t understand the math they were working on! Roman, how is that bad?”
“They are my kids, Doc! Not his! I don’t want them near him. They are mine!” he roared.
“Roman, I understand that you’re angry. Your life was taken away from you. You lost seven years with your children, but that’s not their fault,” she implored for him to understand. “They had someone in their life that loved them! He took care of them alone for five years, Roman. He’s been their father for six. He changed their diapers, potty trained them, attended recitals and coached soccer teams. He was their Daddy and we can’t just rip that away from them because you’re jealous!”
“He stole that from me!” Roman raged.
Marlena struggled to remain calm as Roman escalated to heights of anger she had never seen in him before. She sighed softly, “No, he didn’t, Roman. And somewhere inside you…you understand that. Stefano stole that from you, not John.”
“That f*cking bastard was sent here by Stefano to live my life…to steal my f*cking life! He stole that. John stole that, Doc! How can you not see that?”
“He didn’t know that, Roman! How can you blame him?” Marlena felt herself getting upset that Roman failed to try and even understand the other side of it. John had lost everything too. He was suffering just as much, if not more, and he was not lashing out at people the way Roman was right now.
“How can I blame him? Are you f*cking serious right now? I was locked in a damned cell for seven years while he moved into my house, taking over my job, playing daddy to my kids and f*cking my wife! I’m not supposed to blame him? Everyone believed he was me…because of you! You told them he was me! How did he convince you of that, huh? How?” he stepped closer to her her, fury etching in every line of his face.
He grabbed her arms, shaking her violently, unable to stop as flashes of memory battered his mind. He felt as if his consciousness was being attacked and he had no control over it. What usually bombarded him during his sleep was attacking him while he was awake and the anger and rage consuming him took over. “Seven f*cking, G-d damned years!” He screamed at her before shoving her violently and forcefully to the ground. He watched, detached, as her body hit the floor and her head slammed into the coffee table as it collapsed. Roman tried fighting back the memories, but he too, collapsed to the floor shuddering and crying as he was again being beaten and tortured by an invisible force.
~ ~ ~ ~
Something was wrong. John felt it like a sudden rip in his soul and he knew it was Marlena. John called the Horton’s to see if they could check on her, because he knew it in his bones that something was wrong.
Tom answered the phone, “Horton residence.”
“Tom, hi, it’s, uh, John. I know this sounds weird and I know it’s not my business anymore…but I gotta feeling in my gut and-and…I need someone to check on Marlena. Please. Something is wrong, I feel it. Do you still have that spare key to the house?” John knew he was rambling. He also knew he probably sounded insane, but he couldn’t go over there himself. Roman could barely stand the sight of him and if he found out about the breakfast at the diner this morning, seeing John right now would not help matters…but he had to know she was safe, because something inside him was saying that she wasn’t.
“Yes, I still have the key, John. I can walk over there and check for you. I’ll call you back,” Tom said before hanging up.
“What’s going on Tom?” Alice asked him as she walked into the living area.
“John was upset. Says he feels like something is wrong with Marlena. He was pretty adamant that I check on her, so I told him I would,” Tom replied as he searched through the desk drawer, finally finding the key and lifting it out.
“I’ll come with you, darling,” Alice said following him out. In all the years she had known John, he wasn’t one to overreact. If he had a ‘feeling’ about this, she trusted it.
What they found at the Brady house was nothing short of horrific. After Tom knocked on the door and they got no response, Alice, too, had a feeling in her gut that something wasn’t right. Roman and Marlena’s cars were in the driveway. One of them would have answered a knock at the door. Tom went to knock again, when Alice said softly, “Use the key, Tom. Something’s wrong.”
Tom opened the door and they entered the house. They found Roman on the floor disheveled and sobbing. He cradled Marlena’s unconscious body in his arms as he cried over her. Hearing the sound of the door opening, Roman glanced up to see them and said, “I killed her! I think I killed her, Tom. I don’t know what happened…oh, my G-d!” and he continued to rock her limp form in his arms.
“Alice, darling, call for an ambulance,” Tom directed as he slowly approached Roman. “Roman…I need you to lie her down please. I’ve got to check her. Lie her down,” Tom told him. He noticed that her blonde hair was caked with blood, so she had to have a significant head injury.
Roman laid her gently on the floor finally noticing the blood on his shirt and smeared on his arms. Roman began to sob again, “I got-I got so angry and the memories kept coming and coming in my mind…I couldn’t stop them…and, and she makes excuses for him, for John. He stole my life and she doesn’t seem to care!” He felt his rage rising again and he started breathing slowly in and out to get himself under control. He also started pacing again, lost in his own mind of rage and sadness.
Tom looked to Alice with growing concern, “I’ve got a pulse, but it’s faint. The ambulance is on the way?” She nods. Just as he finished speaking, he heard the police sirens. Tom knew that Roman would be arrested. He assaulted his wife, and no matter what the reason, until it was sorted out, he would go to jail. Tom worried what being back in a cell might do to Roman’s currently unstable mind. Speaking softly, so Roman wouldn’t hear, he told her, “Alice, honey, could you go back to the house and make some calls? Call Shawn and Caroline…and call John, let them know what happened. John can go to the hospital, you know he will.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Dr. Yee was called to the ER right after the trauma team was informed of the incoming head injury. When she was informed that it was Dr. Evans, her heart broke a little. With what little information she had been given, the prognosis was dire. Dr. Yee was one of youngest neurosurgeons on staff at the hospital, but Dr. Evan’s had treated her with respect at every turn, while other doctors talked down to her. It didn’t help that she was barely five feet tall and had the face of a child. She had to save this woman who had suffered so much, she had to make sure that she lived for her children.
CT was prepped and waiting, and as soon as they were able to get Marlena stabilized after her arrival, they would take her up for the scan. Dr. Yee had already been informed that the patient had regained consciousness once and had asked for John Black – not her husband, but her ex-husband. Interesting.
Marlena regained consciousness one more time upon her arrival, recognizing Dr. Yee immediately. She struggled to speak, her words slurred, “J-John?”
Dr. Yee had no idea where he might be, but she lied and said, “He’s on the way Dr. Evans. He’ll be here soon. We’re going to get you stabilized and take you for a CT scan. If you can’t make decisions, should we call your husband?”
“John Black…call John…” was all she said before she slipped into unconsciousness again.
That was all Dr. Yee needed to hear to understand that, while not her husband, John Black would be the one making medical decisions for Dr. Evans. She was going to go with her gut on this one. Directing the nurse to get the necessary paperwork in order, Dr. Yee finished getting Marlena ready for transport upstairs to CT.
She stood in front of the computer 40 minutes later and sighed, “A f*cking skull fracture and an epidural hematoma. Sh*t! Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!” Dr. Yee ran her fingers through her short, dark hair roughly and prayed to G-d that John Black was in this hospital as she rushed back to the ER.
Relief coursed through her body when she was immediately confronted with the nurse and all of the signed paperwork required of Mr. Black. “Where is he?” She asked her hurriedly.
“He’s with Dr. Evans,” the nurse replied.
“Sh*t. Okay, we need to prep her for surgery. I’ll talk to him now,” Dr. Yee said walking toward the curtained area where Marlena was currently waiting. Poking her head in, she said, “Mr. Black, could I speak with you out here? The nurses need to prep Dr. Evans for surgery.”
John didn’t have the energy to speak, but he dragged his emotionally exhausted body from the stool he was sitting on and followed the doctor. He just stared at Dr. Yee, looking like a man who was broken. She didn’t wait, they didn’t have time, “John, it’s not good. I can’t lie to you. Marlena wouldn’t want me to lie to you. When I asked her who I should call to make decisions, she said ‘John Black’.” Tears started flowing from his eyes as he listened to Dr. Yee lay out what needed to happen, “She has a skull fracture. That fracture tore an artery in her skull causing something we call an epidural hematoma. There is blood collecting between her skull and the dura matter surrounding her brain. It requires immediate surgery. I need your approval—”
“Do it. Give me the paper. I’ll sign it. Just get it done. Now,” he said gruffly, wiping at his eyes. “Her kids can’t lose her again…they can’t lose her again…I can’t lose her…”
~ ~ ~ ~
“John,” Caroline said softly placing her hand on his hunched shoulder. She hasn’t seen him in over a month and she worried that he wouldn’t even want her support at this juncture. But he turned to her, his eyes swollen from crying, wrapped his arms around her waist, and sobbed into her like man who had lost everything. Caroline realized in that moment that John had lost everything. They had been so caught up in Roman returning that she and Shawn had forgotten John. She still loved him, and considered him her son. So, she ran her fingers over his hair and allowed him to cry.
After some time passed, she tipped his face up to hers, wiping his tears with her thumbs, and asked him, “Do you know anything? The nurse told me you were making decisions for Marlena and she couldn’t give me any information.”
John looked into the eyes of the woman he had thought was his mother for the last six and half years, “She’s got a bleed in her brain. It was caused by a skull fracture…” his voice faded into a whisper, but he continued, “I knew something was wrong. I knew it. I called Tom and begged him to check on her…I just knew-I knew she wasn’t okay…”
Caroline moved to sit beside John, “Shawn’s at the police station…with Roman. He’s-they have to send Roman here, for evaluation. He had another episode when they tried to put him—” Caroline stopped talking when John waved his hand, cutting her off.
Even in light of the current situation, John knew what it was to be a victim of Stefano DiMera, he leaned forward putting his head in his hands and spoke to the floor, “—I can only imagine how he reacted to another jail cell.” Turning to face Caroline, he said, “I don’t hate him, Ma, but I won’t have him near the kids, or Doc right now. I won’t. I stepped back while I lost everything, and-and maybe I shouldn’t have. He needs help right now, I know that…but he can’t be near people he could potentially hurt…because he hurt Doc, he hurt her so badly she could die,” John finished as he started crying again. “Caroline, he could have hurt the kids…”
“I know, John. He knows it too. He told me that he doesn’t remember most of what happened, almost as if he blacked out. He remembers being angry, very angry, at Marlena…because of her letting you see the twins, but then he says…and this is the part I don’t understand…he says, he was back in the cell in San Cristobal being beaten and tortured, and all he can remember was trying to fight them off,” Caroline finishes with tears in her eyes. “What did they do to him, John?”
John doesn’t plan on answering her, because he knows what they likely did to him. It’s the stuff his own nightmares are made of, but for John, his lack of memory might be a blessing in disguise. Roman remembers it all, and his nightmares have become his waking reality. John speaks softly, almost in a whisper, “He’s going to need help Caroline…but Doc, she can’t be that help for him. If she-if she survives this…she has her own healing to do and I’m going to be there for that. I won’t step back again. I can’t.”
“I know. I think I’ve known it…that this arrangement was too neat, too tidy for it to work. I saw the cracks from the beginning. The twins have been so broken the past four weeks. Eric is almost silent, Sami is angry and Marlena…she tried to paste on the fake smile and make Roman think everything was alright,” Caroline paused, wondering if she should even tell John this, but she forged ahead anyway, “but, he knew she was unhappy. He told Shawn, she has a box full of memories…of you. She sits downstairs in the middle of the night crying over it, and talking to your wedding photo. John, that’s not someone who is happy, or content. That is a woman torn.”
“What?” he asked as he felt a sliver of hope rise up in him. She had put so much distance between them over the last month. He had worked so hard to maintain those boundaries, because she was no longer his wife. She wasn’t his to touch…until he had.
“I don’t know what the future holds, but no matter what, John, no matter what…you’re still my son. As much as Roman is my son, you are my son. We’re family, we’re Brady’s, and we will support each other and figure our way through this.”
~ ~ ~ ~
“Vivian, he has the locket!” Lawrence roared. “You’re hiding something. I know you are. You may as well tell me, because you know…I will find out.”
Vivian debated whether she could get away with lying to her nephew and decided that she couldn’t. He was right, he would eventually figure this whole mess out, and that would ultimately be very bad for her. She looked at him, then at Ivan, and said very simply, “I think he’s your brother.”
“You think John Black is my brother? That’s insane, Vivian, my brother is dead…because of me, I might add,” Lawrence stated. The grief of Forrest’s death weighed heavily on him. He was supposed to protect his brother, instead he was jealous and dismissive. Lawrence had carried the guilt of Forrest’s death with him since childhood.
“I did a DNA test,” she mumbled, “John Black is Forrest Alamain.”
“But how? I don’t understand,” Lawrence was shocked, but also hopeful, because as much as he despises John Black, he had loved his brother more.
“Lawrence, you think I’m insane? My sister was crazier. After Forrest’s ‘drowning’ accident in the pool, she decided to hide him. I found the school she sent him to, a catholic boys school in New York. He went by the name Jonathan Black,” Vivian said. “After graduation he went on to study for the priesthood. Can you imagine, Lawrence, a priest…in this family? Right before he was ordained…he disappeared. No trace of him, he was just gone.”
“Jonathan Black? Why would she give him another name?”
“I don’t know! She was nuts,” Vivian said casually, looking at her nails.
“He has amnesia, Vivian. He doesn’t remember anything before seven years ago! It had to have been Stefano, we know that much. Stefano had him for a period of time, right?”
“He did. Used him as a mercenary or something, I believe,” she said disinterested, as she stood up to go and pour herself a brandy.
Lawrence looked at Vivian with tears in his eyes and said, “Forrest is alive. I-I didn’t let him drown after all…”
“Lawrence, it was never your fault. You were seven years old, he was six. It was an accident.”
“I know, but mother—”
“Your mother, my sister, was f*cking crazy, Lawrence. Let it go,” Vivian said as she sat on the sofa sipping her Brandy.
“He owns half of all of this, you know,” Lawrence said softly.
“I know,” she groaned. Giving up the money would be the hardest part. Vivian loved the money, and what money could do for her, and while she had never been poor…the fear of being poor was always with her.
~ ~ ~ ~
Marlena woke up in a glade of clover. It looked familiar, but she couldn’t seem figure out why. She was confused and disoriented, and she felt like she’d been there before, but maybe the colors weren’t as vibrant then? Everything around her seemed brighter, almost as if it glowed from within. Her cheek rested on the soft cotton fabric of a blue and white tablecloth and she noted the sound of water nearby. She sat up abruptly realizing where she was, “How did I end up in West Virginia? That’s where I am isn’t it?”
The head of a boy, about the age of twelve peeked around a large boulder and ducked back quickly. She heard giggling. She tried to stand up and follow the sound, but she got so dizzy, she immediately sat back down. “Hello?” she called, “I’m so confused.”
The boy peeked out again and then walked toward her, gesturing behind him for someone to follow. Two very small girls toddled towards him, reaching for his hands – one with dark curls and the other with blonde curls. The boy led them to her, and sat them both on the tablecloth. They seemed older and wiser than their physical years, but they didn’t speak. Marlena assumed that this had to be some sort of dream, because it certainly didn’t feel real. She studied the boy in front of her, he seemed so familiar to her, and then she started to cry as she reached for him, “D.J., right? You’re D.J.?”
He nods slowly and reaches for her hand, “I am, but you can’t stay. I know you want to, but you can’t. You have to go back. Do you remember this place, Mama?” he asks her.
“Yes, it’s one of my favorite memories. John and I were so happy here. We felt untouchable and our lives together were just starting.”
“But you thought he was Roman…”
“Did I? I’m not so sure anymore. I loved him, I loved him no matter who he was,” she said gazing at the son she had lost. “I loved him, even when I thought he was Stefano…and-and it broke my heart, but still I loved him. Finding out he was Roman was such a relief. It meant he wasn’t Stefano. It meant I could love him…because he was Roman. I…I wondered, but if I had any doubts, I hid them; even from myself, I hid them.”
“You did that because you feared who he could be…and that’s okay. Having him in your life as Roman meant you were free to love him. I understand that.”
Marlena looked at her son, sadness in heart as she took in what he would have been at the age of twelve. His dark curly hair and brown eyes like his father. She asked him, “How are you so insightful?”
“I’m a spirit, Mama. I’m twelve, because I would have been twelve, but I know more, because I’m…here,” he says rising from the ground and looking around them.
“And who are these two beauties?” she asked leaning forward and brushing her hands over the baby soft hair on the heads of the small girls in front of her. D.J. continues to look at her and wait. Marlena looks to him and then back at the babies in front of her, an equal mix of herself…and of John. “My babies?” she whispers as she looks at them adoringly, tears welling up in here eyes. “My babies with John?” she asks him.
“That’s why you can’t stay, Mama. I know you’re tired and you don’t hurt here, but you have to go back…for them, because they are waiting for you,” D.J. tells his mother as he touches her face gently.
She gazes up at her son and asks him, “Waiting for me now? Am I pregnant?”
“You are, and they’re waiting for you,” D.J. says to her softly, his voice beginning to fade, “You’re going to name them Violet and Ophelia…” and everything around her starts to blur.
“D.J., I love you!” she cries, reaching for him.
Marlena heard the faintest whisper float by her ear, “I love you too, Mama. So much. It’s okay, I’ll see you again…”
~ ~ ~ ~
The nurse checking Marlena’s vitals glances down at the dark head of John Black resting on the bed beside Dr. Evans leg. His hand grasps hers gently, even as he sleeps, never letting go. He hasn’t left her side since she was brought out of recovery. The nurse smiles to himself remembering how Mr. Black begged Dr. Yee to allow him in the ICU. Dr. Yee conceded, because she felt like having him near might help with Dr. Evans recovery, and so he stayed. He seemed to be dreaming. His eyes darted to and fro under his eyelids and occasionally his body twitched, but they were both otherwise peaceful. After finishing her notations in the chart, she quietly left the room.
John’s mind had transported him to another time. A time he couldn’t remember when he was awake, but he was now vividly reliving in his sleep.
John stood beside a large backyard pool watching two small boys race their tricycles around it. “I’m faster and you can’t catch me!” a little boy screamed, as his small legs pumped the peddles of his bike. John stood outside of himself, but still in himself, fully aware that the speeding child on the bike was him.
Another child, his brother, with dark hair like his, followed him, his legs pumping briskly in an attempt to catch up.“I’m going to beat you, Forrest! Because I’m faster!” the young boy yelled at him.
John watched as the boy he knew to be himself, Forrest, looked behind himself to gauge how far back his brother was, and, as if the dream became slow motion, rode his bike into the pool. Suddenly John was an adult again, inside of his body, but he was in the pool, submerged in the water. Bubbles were rising around him, and while he knew he could swim, suddenly he couldn’t. He flailed about trying to reach the top, seeing the lighted and shimmering surface above him. He saw his brother reaching for him…Lawrence…but he couldn’t get to him. His hand was too far away. His lungs were exploding from lack of oxygen and his body tried to gasp for air. Water filled his lungs…
John’s body jerked violently awake, covered in a fine sheen of sweat. What the f*ck was that? He remembered his dream in vivid detail, his lungs still burning from the exertion of trying to breath. That dream wasn’t a dream. That dream was a memory. John stared at Marlena’s hand lying limply in his and wished he could tell her. She would be so happy for him. He’d remembered something. His name was Forrest, and he had a brother named Lawrence…but the memory was convoluted because it felt like he died. But yet, he sat here, in this almost silent hospital room, listening to the beeps of Marlena’s monitors…very much alive. My name was Forrest.
~ ~ ~ ~
Roman had been in the psychiatric ward of the hospital for two days. His mind kept slipping back and forth between reality…and the time he was imprisoned on San Cristobal. Because of that, he was currently being confined to a secure room and also had a police guard. He was still being charged for assault, unless Micky could get the charges dropped, but Marlena, ultimately, was going to be the one to make that decision.
Roman paced his room consumed with guilt. He remembered very little about the events of the day before, but what he could remember was enough to make him realize that he had hurt Marlena, and he knew that he had hurt her very badly. Allowed one visitor per day, Roman expected that it would be his father again, since Shawn had been the one to visit Roman yesterday. He knew his father kept his mother away…just in case he became violent again. Roman’s frustration with his dad was increasing because he couldn’t seem to get any information about Marlena or even the details of what happened between them. What he did know was meager at best; Marlena was still hospitalized, his parents were taking care of the twins, and Carrie had been notified, but she was planning to stay with Anna for the time being.
A nurse poked her head into his room, “Roman, your father is here to see you. Are you feeling up to a visit?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Roman replied distractedly. He watched his father enter the room and realized how much the man had aged over the seven years he was gone, “Hey, Pop.”
“Roman, how ye feeling? Better?” Shawn asked him sitting on the edge of his bed.
Roman sighed and decided it was now or never. He needed answers and his father had them. He was standing in the opposite corner and felt overcome with exhaustion, most of it emotional. He leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, saying, “Pop, I can’t continue to be locked in here and no one tell me what’s happened. I need to know. I deserve to know. I hurt Marlena…I remember that,” Roman said running his hand through his hair in frustration. “I know why I was mad…she-she let John see the twins, a-and I told her not too, but she did it anyway. I don’t remember the in-between parts though, just panic and flashes of what happened on the island.”
“Son, we don’t know much more than that either. Marlena was hurt. Ye hurt her bad, Roman. You did. I don’t know what the details will do for ye,” Shawn said with deep sadness in his voice. His family had been suffering at the hands of Stefano DiMera for ten years. That man hated the Brady’s and he hated Roman. He had destroyed John’s life and kept Marlena from her children for five years…now this.
“How is she, Pop?” Roman asked his father quietly while staring at his hands.
“She come out of surgery yesterday, Roman. But she’s still sedated pretty heavily, and the doctor is hoping she wakes soon, because…uh…” Shawn replied trailing off at the end.
“What? Surgery! Pop, what are you not telling me?”
Shawn took a deep breath and decided that he couldn’t keep it from Roman forever, “Marlena…she had a fracture to her skull. Her head hit the coffee table and an artery was damaged. It was something technical with a name I don’t remember, but she had blood building up inside and they had to fix it.”
“I almost f*cking killed her, Pop?” Roman’s head fell into his waiting hands as he sat huddled on the floor. “My G-d, she…she could have died, Pop!” Roman paused and then asked, “Who’s with her? If mom has the twins, who’s with Doc?”
Shawn looked at the floor, staring at the lines of the tile as they intersected each other, not sure how to answer. Shawn, in part, feared Roman’s reaction to the news that Marlena had designated John to watch over her before slipping back to unconsciousness. He looked over and met his son’s eyes, and Roman knew, in that moment, that John was with Marlena. Honestly, he wasn’t surprised. That man followed her with his eyes every time they were near each other. Roman wasn’t stupid, or oblivious. John still wanted her and he was obviously still in love with her. That much was obvious. He had been naive to think that everything would return to the way it had been. He had hoped that by forbidding Marlena to allow the kids to see John, by spending time with his wife and children, they would forget about that man. Instead they just became withdrawn and melancholy. Roman felt himself getting angry all over again.
“John? Pop, why?” Roman’s voice was rising as he stood up and began to pace the room again.
“Marlena, she asked for him. She told Dr. Yee she wanted him,” Shawn said shrugging. “Nothing to be done for it now, Son. She’s through surgery, she’s in ICU, and they think she’s going to be fine.”
“Can I see her?” Roman asked.
Shawn looked directly into his sons eyes and said, “John’s the one that be making the medical decisions right now, Roman. He thinks it best that you not be around Marlena for awhile…because of what happened at the house.”
Roman exploded, “Why the f*ck is the man that stole my life making medical decisions for my wife?” He felt himself loosing control as flashes of memory started slamming up against the inside of his mind. He tried to stop them and threw himself back to the floor, curling up, and screaming, “I don’t know what you want! Please stop! Please!” He felt himself jerk, as if an electrical shock was applied to his skin repeatedly.
Shawn watched in horror as his son slipped into another place, unable to fight off the demons of trauma. He rushed to the door, notifying the officer stationed there, and within moments Roman was sedated and back in bed.
~ ~ ~ ~
Dr. Yee stared at the results of the blood work and other tests that were run on Marlena. She had one of them run twice, just to be certain, but the result was the same. Dr. Evans was pregnant and that could potentially complicate things. She walked slowly towards Marlena’s hospital room, hoping that John might still be there. He was the one making medical decisions for her and he would need to be notified.
When Dr. Yee arrived she saw him through the window on the door, holding onto Marlena’s hand and sweeping his hand over her brow softly. It would be obvious to anyone watching them, that he was still in love with her. Up until a little over a month ago, she had been his wife…and then she wasn’t. Dr. Yee moved to open the door and paused with her fingers on the handle…what if John was the father of Dr. Evan’s baby? She looked at the chart again and realized, that given the hormone levels in her blood, it was very likely that he was. Oh, this definitely complicates things.
John turned to face the door as Dr. Yee entered the room quietly and said, “Mr. Black? I have some test results on Marlena that I’d like to go over with you. Are you okay with doing that right now?”
He wiped his free hand over his eyes, removing the residual tears, and cleared his throat, “Yeah, yeah, we can do that now.”
“We were able to get the bleeding from her fracture under control, and from her most recent CT scan, her prognosis is good. She should awaken within the next few hours, hopefully. However, one of her blood tests came back with an unexpected result, so I ran it again to be sure…” Dr. Yee said with her voice trailing off at the end.
John watched her thinking she would continue, but she just stood there looking at him, then the floor, then back to him. Finally she said, “I know that Dr. Evans life has been very complicated recently and that you have been making her medical decisions, not her husband, so I thought I should let you know…she’s pregnant.”
John just stared at the doctor at a loss for words. He had no idea if the baby was his…but he wanted it to his. “How far along is she? It might be, uh, it might be… mine…but I don’t know if she ever, um, if she ever…with Roman…” The thought of Marlena with Roman caused a pain in his chest, a deep ache that he could barely handle, but it was a possibility.
“I understand, John. I’ll need to get an ultrasound to obtain the measurements I need for determining fetal age, although her HCG levels lead me to believe she’s between 10-14 weeks along,” Dr. Yee said while studying his response. “I’m thinking that with everything that has gone on in her life since her return in July, maybe she didn’t realize.”
John’s heart soared. Ten to fourteen weeks pregnant meant the baby was his. John smiled, more accurately, he grinned. Marlena was having his baby. She got pregnant in October, when they were in San Cristobal. He didn’t care about the repercussions or possible fallout. They would handle it together. He needed this baby with every bit of his soul. This was his and Marlena’s baby and it was conceived in love and who wouldn’t wish for that? Dr. Yee understood immediately that John wanted this baby. She also knew that Marlena would want this baby with John.
~ ~ ~ ~
“We can’t tell him right now!” Vivian said blocking the front door with her whole body and trying to stall the inevitable. “He’s barely left the hospital since Marlena’s accident three days ago. Ivan said she just woke up last night. Are you just going to go to the hospital and drop that bombshell on him in the waiting room? Lawrence, think! How will he react?”
“Well, no, but he’s going to need to know. He has an inheritance. He has to be told, Vivian. This is going to be quite the shock,” Lawrence told her. “I mean, at this point, is there going to be a perfect time? He’s my brother, and when we were children, I failed him. I’m not going to do that again, even if he hates me.”
“I’m not asking you to never tell him, Lawrence. I’m asking you wait a few days until things get settled. I know, I’m not enthusiastic about this…and you know, it’s a lot of money we’re handing over to someone we both despised a week ago, but if what Ivan is saying is true…well it’s about to get a lot more complicated.”
Lawrence sighed deeply and stepped back, “Two days, Vivian. I’ll wait two more days, but no longer. This needs to be done.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Marlena’s eyes opened slowly as she adjusted to the fluorescent lighting in the room. She was still groggy and disoriented when her eyes landed on the exhausted, lightly bearded face of John Black. She smiled at him faintly and whispered, “John.”
Leaning closer to her, their faces mere inches apart, he whispered back to her, “Hey, Doc. You’ve been asleep for quite a while. How you feeling?” He reached for her hand, threading their fingers together and bringing them to his face. He used his other hand to run over her hair and around her jawline delicately, saying “You’re so beautiful, do you know that?”
A shy smile appeared on her face and she asked him, “How long have I been here?”
Before he said anything that could potentially upset her, John asked, “Do you remember why you’re here? Dr. Yee said you might have memory issues.”
“I remember,” she replied looking down at the blanket covering her lap, “…I remember everything.” She finally looked up at him sadly, “Where’s Roman?”
“He’s here, in the psychiatric ward of the hospital. They have a police guard on him. He, um, he’s being evaluated. The police are going to want to speak with you eventually, especially if you remember, because Roman doesn’t remember much.”
“He was angry…because I let the twins see you,” Marlena said staring at their entwined hands. “He said they would get over it, they were young, and-and I tried to explain that they weren’t getting over it…Eric, he was disappearing inside himself and Sami was getting in trouble at school…” she said softly.
“Doc, you don’t have to tell me all of this right—”
“—I do, John…Roman said you stole his life. I tried to tell him…Stefano did this to him, to you, to all of us, but he got angrier. He said you were an extension of Stefano and he grabbed me,” Marlena said as she started crying. It hurt so much, admitting what Roman had done to her, She swiped at the tears rolling down her face, “I told him he was hurting me. I told him…but he was so lost John, lost in his mind. He shook me and then he threw me down…I tried, John, I tried so hard. It’s been barely a month and we’re miserable. We’re all miserable!”
John watches Marlena wince slightly and untangle their fingers to touch her head. He tells her, “When you fell, Doc, you hit your head pretty hard. A fracture in your skull damaged an artery…
“Epidural hematoma…” she whispered. As a doctor, based on John’s description, she knew exactly what her injury was. She was scared to realize how close she was too dying. Roman could have killed her.
John nods and gives her a small sad smile, responding with a simple, “Yeah.” He leans his face closer to her, running his nose along her cheek, until their foreheads rested against each other, “I was so scared, Doc. I thought I’d loose you. I thought the kids might loose you again.”
Marlena felt the soft tickle of his whispered words across her lips. Raising her hand to gently touch his face, she whispered his name, almost in desperation, “John.” She knew she shouldn’t but she loved him so much. She had tried so hard with Roman, but it wasn’t what it used to be. She was a different person. The twins weren’t babies anymore…and Roman was so emotionally injured from his experiences that he was angry, accusatory and controlling. None of them were happy.
At the sound of her soft, pleading voice, John leaned in to cover the minimal space that existed between their lips and kissed her. He knew he shouldn’t. She wasn’t his any more and their lives were so complicated, but the heart isn’t complicated. The heart doesn’t care if things are convenient or timed right. The heart loved who it wanted to love and John knew, he loved Marlena. He pulled back slightly framing her face with both of his hands and moaned against her wet mouth, “G-d, woman…the things you make me feel.”
They both turned to the sound of the door opening. Dr. Yee poked her head in, causing Marlena to smile. The small woman approached Marlena’s bedside as Marlena reached for her hand, “Leilani, I heard you saved my life. Now you’ve proven what you’re made of, huh?”
“I guess I earned my street cred,” she replied with a grin. She glanced over at John and said, “Have you had a chance to talk to her…about…”
“Not yet, but it’s ok.” John looked to Marlena and said, “Doc, we got some test results back that we need to talk about.”
Marlena stared at John and smiled, saying, “I know.”
“You know? You know what, Doc?”
Tears well up in her eyes, she looks at John, and she says, “I saw D.J. and he told me.”
John assumed she had been dreaming, but he humored her and asked, “What did he tell you?”
“I’m pregnant. D.J. said I had to come back for the babies, because they were waiting on me…” She watched his face as the realization washed over him that she had said babies.
“Babies?” he asked her in awe.
“Yes, babies.”
“Could they be…” John didn’t know how to ask this question. He feared the answer. He was fairly certain they were his, but he had to know.
Pulling their heads back together, and lacing her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, she whispered, “Our babies, John. Roman and I never made love. I couldn’t…”
Dr. Yee smiled. She couldn’t help it. She was happy for them and they shined happiness. She wasn’t sure if it was twins, but they were about to find out. She looked to Marlena and John asking, “Are we ready for an ultrasound?”
Twenty minutes later John and Marlena gazed upon the monitor screen that held the frozen image of their twins. Marlena held his hand tightly, and gazed up at John saying, “You can’t tell right now, but they’re girls. One has blonde hair and the other has black hair…and D.J. said…” she starts crying silent tears down her cheeks as she stares at John with all the love she has, “D.J. said, we name them Violet and Ophelia.”
~ ~ ~ ~
In the whole of the life he could remember, Marlena had always been his center. She was the one person who grounded him and gave his soul a sense of completeness. John watched her face as she slept and leaned forward, softly kissing her forehead, then her eyes, and finally, in the softest way imaginable, her lips. Brushing her blonde hair away from her face he whispers, “I love you.”
Marlena’s eyes opened up, staring into his, “And I love you,” she whispers back to him. “I know this is about to get really complicated, but I can’t let you go.”
“Doc, love isn’t complicated. Sure, everything else is…but we’re going to figure it out, because our love…that’s forever. Our babies, we made those babies in love. You know that. We were going to come back to Salem and start our life together. Maybe we never said it out loud but you know that. And then everything happened with Roman,” John said looking at their hands clasped together. “Everything was so confusing and Roman was…is a mess right now. I felt guilty for living his life. You felt guilty for believing I was him—”
Marlena cut him off, “—I talked to D.J. about that…about whether I really believed you were Roman, or if I loved you so much, I-I loved you so much, that I wanted to believe you were Roman. Because John, if you were Roman, then that meant you weren’t Stefano. And I could love you freely…if you weren’t Stefano…” Marlena said looking down at the blue and white hospital blanket draped across her lap. “There were differences I chose to ignore. Not because I don’t care, but because I was scared. If you weren’t Roman, then who were you?” Marlena reached up to run her fingers over his lips, “So, even though your mouth doesn’t taste like Roman, and even though the way you make love to me sends me to heights I’d never reached before, you knew enough – you remembered enough- to be Roman.”
John slid his body onto the bed beside Marlena and pulled her into his arms. Holding her closely and running his palm over her cheek, he tips her face to his and tells her, “I wanted to be Roman…I would have been anyone for you, Doc.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Chief Tarrington looked at Shane across his desk and said, “Our intel tells us that they’ve tracked Stefano DiMera to an island off the shore of Italy; however, he might not stay there for long. He seems to be moving around, trying to throw us off his track.”
“What does this have to do with me?” Shane asks with a hint of suspicion in his voice.
“DiMera is your next assignment Shane, and you’re going to have a partner.”
“Who?”
“Roman Brady—”
“Roman Brady?” Shane roars at him. “The man is currently hospitalized because of everything he went through with Stefano DiMera. He was tortured by him for seven years!”
“And who knows Stefano better? Who has been to almost every compound Stefano has?” Chief Tarrington asked him. “No one knows the mind of Stefano DiMera better than Roman Brady does.”
“How exactly do you plan to get him on board with this case, Tarrington? I mean, given his current mental health situation?”
“We have doctors on standby at another location. If you can get him to agree, he will go there for a 30 day intensive inpatient program for the treatment of PTSD, after which he will retrain with the ISA to get his clearance back,” Chief Tarrington says in a very matter of fact way.
“I have to get him to agree to do this?” Shane asks him incredulously. “How exactly am I supposed to manage that?”
“Figure it out, Donovan.”
~ ~ ~ ~
John had rushed home to shower, change his clothes and grab a bite to eat before heading back to the hospital to be with Marlena. Just as he was grabbing his keys to leave, a knock sounded on the door. He answered it, prepared to tell whoever it was that he wouldn’t be staying around to talk. Throwing open the door, he was face to face with Isabella and he knew this conversation couldn’t wait. He had been putting it off for almost a week, ever since he and Marlena found out about the pregnancy. This was going to be hard, because he had never told Isabella about what happened between him and Marlena in San Cristobal.
She offered him a faint smile as she said, “Hi, John.” She glanced down and realized he was clutching his jacket and his keys, “So, I guess you’re going back to the hospital?”
John felt ashamed. This was the first time they’d spoken since the time she had walked out on him. “Yeah. Yeah, I was getting ready to head over there,” he said.
“Can we talk first?” she asked him softly. John paused and then opened the door and allowed her to enter. “You’ve been at the hospital a lot,” she said.
“Yeah. I’ve been the one responsible for making the medical decisions for Marlena,” John told her, walking over to the window.
“But, why you, John? Why not someone else? You’re not her husband any—”
John was instantly angry and turned to face her quickly, “—Her husband is the one who put her there!”
“I know…but how can we move on with our lives if you won’t let go?” Isabella asked him. She dropped her purse on the couch and stepped closer to him, pleading with him, “I thought we were going to try and make this work.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, I really don’t. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do, but if I stayed with you…that would hurt you more, because I wouldn’t want to be there…and you’d feel that. You know you would,” John told her softly, touching her cheek. “I had already decided to be with Doc before Roman came back. I was going to tell you after we got back from San Cristobal—”
“—I saw you,” Isabella interrupted. John looked at her confused by what she had just said. “I saw you in Miami. I-I wanted to surprise you. I thought I could help with the investigation, and I…I didn’t know Marlena went with you. You were…you were on the beach…with her.”
John hurt for Isabella, because he knew what she saw. She saw him kissing Marlena, and then dragging her off to their hotel room. He looked at her sadly and asked her quietly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because! You came home with Roman. You were able to be with me now! But you’re not, John! You’re still with her!” she cried.
“Isabella…I love her. I know things are messy and if I could avoid hurting you, I would. I swear it…but it doesn’t change the fact that I love her,” John tells her softly. “I’m sorry.”
“You said you loved me. She’s married, John! She’s married to Roman,” she says crying softly.
“She’s also fourteen weeks pregnant,” John says. He reaches for her hand as she just stares at him, “She’s due in July…”
Isabella immediately steps away from him, in shock. She hadn’t been sure if what she witnessed on the beach in Miami had ended with the kissing, but she liked to tell herself that it hadn’t gone further than that. Obviously, it had. She also told herself that John would have told her if it had gone further…but he didn’t, and while he hadn’t said he was the father of Marlena’s baby, she knew he was. She could tell by the way he said it.
“You slept with her?” she found herself asking, even though she knew the answer.
“Yes,” was his only response as he gazed back out the window. John knew she didn’t need details or drawn out explanations to make this more painful. Isabella wiped her eyes as she stood in the middle of his living room, staring at his back. John turned to face her with sadness in his eyes, and said, “I’m so sorry. Doc and I…we realized we were still in love. I was planning to tell you when we got back and then everything went to f*cking hell. Everything. Roman was back and he was so damaged mentally. I felt guilty. Doc felt guilty. We didn’t even discuss it…we just looked at each other and knew. Everything had changed in a moment.”
John walked towards her and touched her cheek softly before he continued, “She went home with Roman…and I…well, I came here, because I couldn’t be with you, when I felt the way I did about her.”
Isabella wanted to rage and scream out all of the vile things that came from that rage, but she didn’t. It wouldn’t solve anything. It certainly wouldn’t change anything. All she could do in that moment would be to hold her head high and say goodbye. With tears running down her face she looked at him and said, “I’m going to go now.”
As she closed the door behind her, John whispered, “I’m so sorry, Izzy B,” and then he slumped to his couch and sat there staring at the water stained wallpaper, realizing that he really did live in a dump.
He didn’t know how long he had been sitting on that brown, scratchy sofa, but as he was preparing to stand, another knock sounded on his door. Stalking to the door, John threw it open with a scowl on his face, immediately unhappy with the identity of his next visitor. “What the f*ck do you want, Larry?” he asked harshly.
“I need to speak with you, obviously. Otherwise, why would I be here knocking on your door, John?”
“So talk,” John said blocking his door with his body. “Make it fast. I need to get back to Doc.”
Lawrence looked up and down the shabby hallway and then back at John. “Could I come in, please? I’d rather not have this conversation out here in the hallway,” Lawrence said to him.
“I can’t imagine anything you and I might need to discuss, so let’s hurry this up,” John said stepping aside to allow him entry.
They both stare at each other for a moment. John wondering what, in the name of all that is holy, does Lawrence want to talk to him about, and Lawrence wondering how to start this incredibly awkward and bizarre conversation.
Lawrence decides to just start talking, “While this may sound absurd, I need you to hear me out.” John stands there staring at him in silence, waiting, which Lawrence takes as an invitation to continue, “My Aunt Vivian is crazy. She insists that it runs in the family…apparently my mother was mad as well, at least Aunt Vivian says she was. I don’t know, honestly, she died when I was only about ten.” He walked to John’s window getting the slight breeze, but no view, except the alley below, which only contained a very smelly and full dumpster. Lawrence wrinkled his nose in distaste, but he continued to stand there as he spoke, “Vivian knows about the locket you have in your possession. I don’t know how she knows, or even why she cared enough to know. What I do know is that the locket that you have is part of a pair of lockets, and—”
“Why the hell would Vivian even care about what was in a burned leather satchel I got from Stefano?”
“As I said, John, I don’t know, and I’m fairly certain that she’s crazy anyway,” Lawrence says turning to face him. “What I do know is that the locket you have is part of a pair of lockets given to two boys…from their mother. One of those boys died, and the locket was lost. The other locket is with me.”
John was starting to feel very apprehensive about the direction this conversation was taking and almost felt as if he should leave, to stop this from going any further. He wanted to stop Lawrence from finishing what he was about to say, but he couldn’t because the dream about the two boys riding their bikes around the pool came back to him. Lawrence. John froze for a moment staring at Lawrence and asked him quietly, “How did he die?”
There was something in John’s eyes that led Lawrence to believe that he remembered something, because what he saw was fear and maybe…hope? Lawrence felt the guilt he had carried with him for the last thirty years start to overwhelm him, and while he and John generally despised each other, he finally paused for a moment to simply look into his brothers eyes. “There was an accident. We were riding our bikes and…” Lawrence’s voice got rough as a lump lodged in his throat and he couldn’t finish the sentence.
“He drowned in the pool,” John whispered.
Lawrence’s eyes started tearing up, although he cursed himself for showing any weakness in this moment. Looking at the floor, he was unsure of where to go with this, until John said, “Forrest. I remember drowning. My lungs were burning because I couldn’t get any air, so I took a breath…but my lungs filled with water…”
Lawrence refused to give into the emotions currently trying to fight their way free of his body. Instead he forced himself to keep speaking, as if he were in a business meeting, “You should know that Vivian did a DNA test. I want to be completely transparent here, I do not agree with her methods. Ivan broke into your apartment and took hair samples from your hairbrush. It was compared with that of my brother, Forrest, and it was a match.”
“So Vivian’s lackey stole my DNA so she could what? Prove that I wasn’t Forrest Alamain?” John asked, already knowing the answer.
“I’ll admit, she isn’t happy with the news. Not that she wishes you dead, mind you, just that you’re inheritance, which she controlled, she now no longer controls,” Lawrence stated pulling a packet of legal documents from his jacket. “You now are in control of half of our parents estates. I’ve outlined which properties belong to you, as well as businesses, stocks, etc. I’ve also attached the business card for the family attorney, although if you prefer you could certainly retain your own attorney.”
John just stands there staring at him for a moment before he speaks, “You’re saying that I now own half of Alamain enterprises?”
“I’ve known about this for a few days, John. I waited to speak with you because I am aware that you were dealing with a family emergency. I took the liberty of handling the matter of separating the assets, since you were dealing with…other things,” Lawrence finished lamely. “The total net worth of Alamain Enterprises currently stands at approximately $48.7 million. I control 48%, you now control 48%, and Vivian controls 4%. Although you should be aware, given your distaste for me, that the only time you will be forced to interact with us would be board meetings.”
John had to sit down. This was getting overwhelming. A month ago he was working down at the cop shop, for the past month he had been working on the docks, now Lawrence shows up and hands him $23 million, and some change, as if it’s just another day at the office. John knew all of the reasons he couldn’t stand this man, but this was the first genetic link he had ever had. Lawrence Alamain was his brother. Vivian was his aunt. Lawrence would be uncle to his children.
Shoving his hand through his hair for the third time, John looked at him and said, “Look, Larry, this is a lot to take in right now. I’ve got to get back to Doc. I was supposed to be there almost two hours ago. I’ll, um, I’ll look over this stuff, and, uh, get back to you on it…but I gotta go.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Shane entered Roman’s hospital room still unsure of how he was going to even tackle this conversation. He knew that Chief Tarrington had already asked Roman to return to the ISA a few weeks ago and Roman was fairly adamant when he turned him down. Shane wasn’t sure that he would fare much better, yet here he was. As soon as Roman saw Shane, the surprise was evident on his face, and immediately followed by suspicion. “I told Tarrington I was done with the ISA, Shane.”
“I am aware of that, Roman. However, he’s sent me back to plead his case,” Shane said stepping closer to where Roman sat on the edge of his bed.
“My last ISA mission had me left for dead and then imprisoned by Stefano DiMera for seven years,” Roman said. “By the time I was able to escape, I found my wife in love with another man, calling him by my name, and my kids calling him daddy! I told Tarrington, no. So, just go back to him now and tell him the same.”
“Roman, listen. We’ve been tracking DiMera for years. Literally years…with no break in the case. You spent seven years with him!” Shane implored. “I’ve just been assigned and they want you to be my partner.”
“If you can’t tell, I’m currently indisposed and under police guard because I almost killed my wife. Has Tarrington lost his f*cking mind, Shane? I can barely function without flashbacks right now.”
“He’s offering you treatment with PTSD specialists for thirty days and then recertification training with the ISA,” Shane said. “We’re not going to be able to catch Stefano DiMera without you. No one in law enforcement has spent as much time with him, or understands the way his mind works. Roman, you have been to almost every compound we think he has!”
“I told Tarrington I wasn’t interested. Remind him of that.”
Shane handed Roman a slip of paper with his phone number saying on his way out, “If you change your mind, call me.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Later that afternoon, Roman looked up to see his father and Marlena enter the room with a police officer. He’d already been here nearly two weeks and this was his first visit from his wife. This was a visit that was very likely going to go sideways quickly, given the somber looks on their faces. He continued to sit on his bed with his legs pulled up. Marlena was dressed in a pink and grey track suit, so he assumed she was being discharged. She seemed leery of him and maintained her distance. She did offer him a small smile and said softly, “Hello, Roman. How are you feeling?”
“You want the real answer? Or the socially acceptable one?” he responded honestly.
“I’d like to know how you’re really doing,” Marlena said.
“I’m feeling ashamed, guilty…and confined. None of which are your fault or anyone else’s. I’m figuring out how to deal with that. They’ve got me seeing Dr. Baker everyday, so, yeah…” Roman trailed off, not knowing how to finish his thought. “I’m glad you’re okay, Doc…and …I’m sorry. I can never apologize enough to make up for what I did.”
“I don’t blame you,” she said staring him in the eyes. He wasn’t sure if he believed her. He honestly didn’t trust most people because of what Stefano had put him through. Marlena continued, saying, “I don’t, Roman. I understand what happened. I’ve seen it in trauma patients for years.” She stepped slightly closer to him.
Marlena was unsure of how to begin this conversation, but she knew she had to tell him about the pregnancy, and about how she felt about John. Being with Roman while he tried to recover from his imprisonment was just not something she could do right now. She had to consider Sami and Eric’s safety. She had to consider her own safety during her pregnancy. She could be a friend and she could be supportive, but she couldn’t help him through this when his responses to stress were so unpredictable. Shawn was with her to offer Roman emotional support and the police officer was there just in case Roman had a bad reaction to the news. “We do need to talk about what happened though, Roman. You know that.”
“Yeah, Doc, I know,” he said moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “I overreacted to you letting John see the kids. I was hoping that they would be able to detach from him, but I know now, that I didn’t consider the bond they would have with him. Dr. Baker helped me understand that John was the only parent they had for almost five years, and…taking him away from them so suddenly could cause trauma.”
“I’d like John to stay involved in their lives Roman. How lucky are our children to have so much love? How can you love them too much? That’s not a bad thing,” Marlena told him.
“I don’t know the man, Doc. What I do know, what I suspect, I don’t trust.”
“Then you have to trust me, Roman. You have to trust Abe, Bo, and the rest of your family when we tell you that John is an honest and honorable person,” Marlena stressed.
“I’m trying, Doc. I am…but it’s going to take time. I can’t reconcile my own fear with the fact that Stefano sent him here. I don’t trust him,” he said. “…But-but, I trust you.”
Marlena was silent for a moment before plowing ahead, “There’s something else, Roman. I don’t know how to tell you this, honestly, and I don’t want to hurt you anymore than you have already been hurt…G-d this is so difficult…”
“Whatever it is, we can handle it. We’ll handle it.”
“I’m not sure we can, Roman…I’m pregnant.”
Roman’s heart sank. She was pregnant and it wasn’t his child. It couldn’t be his child, which meant…it was John’s baby. He looked to her belly and realized that there was a slight swell to her abdomen. Roman had never asked her if she slept with John after she returned to Salem. He honestly didn’t want to know. But he remembered their conversation in the jungle on San Cristobal, and Marlena’s continued defense of John.
Roman gripped her upper arms tightly, trying to hold onto her and get her to understand. “Stop it! He wouldn’t hurt me, he loves me,” she said pulling away from the man in front of her.
“He’s an assassin! He’s trained for this!” he yelled, trying to stress the importance of what he was telling her. He didn’t understand why she wouldn’t believe him.
She shook her head forcefully and cried, “You’re crazy! That’s not true!”
“Doc, now you may think you know what’s going on here, but you don’t. That guy is not me! He works for them. The people who held me prisoner! The same people who kept you locked up in that hospital room all these years!”
She stared at him questioningly for a moment and said, “How do you know that?”
“I just do, but that’s not important right now. What is important is that you believe me! I am Roman. I’m the man you fell in love with. I’m the man you married. Look at this face! Doesn’t that mean anything?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know what that means!” Marlena yelled at him. She was confused and overwhelmed. She was also scared for Roman…her Roman, the one currently out in the jungle injured.
“Doc, this is not make-up! It’s not a mask, there’s no plastic here! This is my face. This is what the real Roman Brady looks like! This is probably what our kids are going to look like!” he told her pulling at the skin on his face.
Marlena was becoming more scared and agitated, “Don’t say that!”
“What? What? I can’t talk about my own kids?” he said in exasperation.
“They’re not your children! You’re not their father!”
“I am!” Roman screamed. How could she deny that he was Roman? How could she not admit who he was?
“No, you’re not! He remembers things only Roman would remember!”
“You’re damn right he does, because they brainwashed him with information about us! That’s the only way they figured that he could fool you…and he did, didn’t he? He showed up, he said, ‘I’m Roman Brady’ and he made you believe him!”
She turned away from him and stood in silence for a moment. Finally she said, so softly Roman could barely hear her, “You said something that isn’t quite right. You said that he convinced me that he was Roman…but, I convinced him.”
A cold dread settled in his body when she said that. Roman asked her, “What are you talking about?”
Tears formed in Marlena’s eyes, and she smiled softly, as she remembered, “I didn’t believe at first, but there were so many things that he knew. I don’t mean places, and dates, and people. I’m talking about the kind of things that you can’t put into words…they’re just feelings. Senses that you have…” She felt the lump forming in her throat as she attempted not to cry. She was barely able to choke out her next words, “He had them. He knew things about me that nobody in the whole world knows about me…he knew me.”
Roman ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, unable to understand why she wouldn’t believe him. He said to her with frustration in his voice, “He knew you, from what I know! They robbed me of my memory! They took my past from me and they gave it to him, but the one thing they couldn’t do…they couldn’t make him me. Nobody can do that. So, no matter what he told you, no matter what he made you believe about him, it’s all a lie!”
“Alright then, who is he? Who is this man that you’re calling an imposter?” Marlena asked him refusing to acknowledge the truth in what he was saying.
“I don’t know his name, but I know what he is, and I know what he is programed to do!” he yelled in frustration.
Marlena shook her head in frustration, “What you’re saying is crazy!”
“It may be crazy, but it’s true, Doc! That’s why I had to get you away from him! Because one word to him, from them, and he’d kill you.”
Marlena looked him right in the eyes and she said, with all of the faith she had in her body, “I don’t care what you say, nothing will ever make me believe that Ro-…or whoever you think he is, is a killer. He cares about me! When I came home, he was the person who took care of me. And he cared for my children when I couldn’t!”
“And what about you?”
“What about me?” she asked him fiercely.
“You were with him for almost a year before they kidnapped you…”
“Yes,” was all she said, while still looking at him.
“Well, while he was so busy being a father to my kids…what was he to you?” Marlena continues to stare at him and doesn’t answer, so Roman goes on,“That’s great. That’s just great! I’m rotting away in a stinking jungle and he’s in my bed! I know it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you—”
Marlena cut him off, saying, “—I fell in love with him. I could never feel that way about someone who could kill in cold blood!”
“Well, he put on a good act—”
“—It was not an act!” she yelled. “He cared about me! He cared about those children, and I loved him and I believed him! He was there for me. When I was gone the first time and when I came home this time! He was the one person that I could depend on!”
“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Dependable—” Roman replies sarcastically.
“—And I did depend on him! I did, and I still do! And, I still do love him!”
“Yeah, well, we’ve got about the next fifty years to sort that one out. Right now, the important thing is that I get you off this island.”
“I’m not leaving here without him,” she says and the look on her face says she means it.
“Doc, how many times do I have to tell you? We even get close to that guy and that’s it! We are in adjoining plots!”
“I will not leave him here!” Malrena said firmly.
Roman sighed in frustration and asked her, “Have you even heard a word I’ve said?”
“Yes, I have heard it! I don’t believe it! I know him. There is no part of him that would ever, ever, do anything to hurt me.”
After returning to Salem, Roman had considered it a closed chapter, one that was better off never revisited. He had simply assumed that they were home now and they would move on together. But after talking to Dr. Baker daily, he was able to recognize that he had expectations of Marlena that were impossible for her to meet. F*cking Stefano. How much more could he be expected to take from that man? Roman knew, in that moment, that he had never, ever, hated someone the way he hated Stefano DiMera.
Marlena watched the emotions play over his face in rapid fire succession. She could see him struggling internally with how to react to the news of her pregnancy. “Roman?” she said to get his attention. He looked back to her and seemed almost surprised to see her for a second, but then focused back on her, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Roman decides that if he is anything in this moment, he will be honest. “Nothing is what I thought it would be, Doc. Nothing. I thought that once I came home I’d be free of it all, but I’m still imprisoned,” he said quietly. “I wanted my family back the way it was, but the twins…they don’t know me. I wanted my wife to be waiting for me, but she moved on too.” Roman finally acknowledged his silent father in the room, “Pop, I was replaced by a stranger in my own family. I was f*cking locked up, beaten, burned, electrocuted…and my family embraced another man as me!”
The pain he was going through was evident, not only in the words he spoke, but with the emotion with which he spoke them. He held his body rigid, as he trembled with all of the pent up emotion. Marlena touched his arm to get his attention back, “Roman, what you went through was horrific. No one should ever be subjected to such inhumane treatment.”
“But I was, and-and what the f*ck do I do with that?” Roman asked her with tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. “Nothing is what I expected. You’re pregnant, Doc, and we both know it’s not my baby, because we never made love. You couldn’t make love to me, when you were in love with him.”
“Roman, your family is behind you. You have a really strong support system…” Marlena hated saying this to him. “But…I can’t be that for you right now. I have to think about my safety, and the safety of the twins. I won’t even be cleared to go back to work for at least six months, and the pregnancy is high risk. I don’t want you to feel abandoned, but I have to do this. We tried to make it work…but we weren’t happy. Neither one of us. The twins and I couldn’t be what you had spent seven years dreaming of and as much as it hurts you…I fell in love with someone else while you were gone, and I can’t forget him.”
“You thought he was me!”
“I know, but I also know that you and I both understand, it’s not that simple. I may have believed he was you after what happened in West Virginia…but I loved him before that, Roman. Why else would I go with him, as he searched for his past? I fell in love with him when he was still John Black.” Marlena knew that telling Roman all of this was going to hurt him, but lying to him would hurt them all more, in time. It could potentially destroy the whole family. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to stay away from John. She would always be drawn to him and the potential for an outcome worse than this one was high.
“I know, Doc. I know. You don’t know how many times I woke in the middle of the night to find you missing from our bed, downstairs crying over that box. I think I always knew where this was going,” Roman said sadly.
“I’m so sorry, Roman. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt and that you continue to hurt. It’s unfair what Stefano has done to you…to all of us,” Marlena said to him while tears rolled down her face.
“I want you to stay in the house, Doc. Eric and Sami have had so much change in the last year…just…stay in the house. When – if – I get out of here, I’ll…” Roman wanted to continue but honestly, he wasn’t sure where he’d go. He just knew that wherever it was, it wouldn’t be with Marlena.
“Son, ye can stay at the pub with me and your ma,” Shawn said grabbing onto Roman’s hand. “We’re going to get ye back on yer feet.”
“You’re right, Roman. It would be best not to move the children right now. I really appreciate that,” Marlena said softly, stepping directly in front of him. She gazed on him a moment longer, running her palm over his cheek, and said, “Goodbye, Roman,” before she turned and left the room. As Roman watched her leave he started seriously considering Shane’s offer, because he knew, deep in his soul, he would never heal or move on until he rid the world of the menace that was Stefano DiMera.
Shawn watched his sons face looking for signs of another potential traumatic episode, but all he saw etched in the lines of his face was sadness and determination. Roman looked at his father and said in almost a whisper, “Shane came to see me today, Pop.”
“Shane? No, Roman. Yer not thinking about going back to the ISA are ye?” Shawn felt a dense fear begin to grow deep in his belly. “That’s how we lost ye last time, Roman!”
“Pop, I don’t think I can afford not too. He’s going to keep coming back, keep coming for our family…for my family. He won’t rest and Shane’s right, Pop…I know him better than anyone.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Marlena hadn’t been inside her house since the accident. It was obvious that someone had come in and cleaned the house. There was no sign of blood on the carpet and the coffee table was new. When John helped Marlena into the house she noticed that the children weren’t home. She looked at John questioningly and he said, “They’re going to stay with Ma—Caroline for a couple days.”
John set her bag down by the bottom of the stairs and took her small hand in his. They stared at each other in silence, while he ran his thumb over the top of her hand. Pulling her hand up to his lips, John whispered to her, “You’re having my babies, lady.”
Marlena smiled at him sweetly, “I am.”
He ran the palm of his other hand along her face, tipping it up to his, and he leaned forward, kissing her softly on her lips. “When I almost lost you, I thought I would die too,” he said in between kisses to her eyes. “I have strict orders for bedrest from Dr. Yee. It was the only way she’d release you. So, let’s go,” John said bending down to pick her up and carry her up the stairs.
“John! I can walk up the stairs!” Marlena laughed.
“Bedrest, Doc. Bedrest,” John chuckled as he carried Marlena up the steps, in a move that was so familiar she felt her core clench. How many times in their past had he carried her up the stairs to make love to her?
She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing it softly, and snuggled into him…close enough to hear his faint moan. Marlena smiled and then stuck her tongue out licking him with the tip. “You taste so good, John,” she whispered with her lips on his ear.
“G-d, woman! Be good,” John said with a rough voice. Continuing as if he was speaking to himself, he muttered, “Bed rest. Dr. Yee said, bed rest.”
Marlena just chuckled as John walked into the master bedroom and laid her on the bed. Marlena looked around the room noting all of Roman’s things that would need to be packed up, and then back to John. Neither of them acknowledged the complex emotions they felt being in that room together with Roman’s belongings around them. John just continued as if it were nothing, but Marlena saw the pain in his eyes and a slight tension in the way he held his body. “I’ll be right back, Doc. I left your bag downstairs,” he said.
Reaching out and touching his arm with her fingertips Marlena said, “John, wait.”
John stopped and looked at her, “I’m fine. I was just surprised that being in here with Roman’s things…” He voice trailed off and he finally said, “I was just surprised, that’s all.”
Marlena linked their fingers together and continued staring into his eyes. “The last person to make love to me in this room was you, John. Roman’s things are here, but John, you are here,” she said gesturing to her heart. “I love you so much sometimes, it hurts. I didn’t know I could love someone this much…until I loved you.”
John sat on the edge of the bed, facing her, and told her, “When we came home from San Cristobal with Roman, after the ISA did the DNA test. I felt like I lost everything; my name, my job, my kids…and you. G-d, Doc, losing you broke me. To have this second chance with you is more than I could have hoped for.” He reached out, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I have loved you since I asked you to join me in that shower back in West Virginia.”
“You made me laugh when you did that…and oh, I wanted to say yes so badly,” Marlena whispered wrapping her hand around his wrist and tugging his hand toward her mouth. She kissed his palm gently, saying, “A family. You, me and the kids. I guess we’re going to do this, huh?”
John leaned forward, kissing her fiercely, “F*ck, yes, baby! We are going to do this.” When John tried to pull back from the kiss, Marlena pulled him forward again, threading her fingers into his black hair. Her breathy moan in his mouth had him getting hard in an instant, “Doc, we can’t do this. You’re on bedrest.”
“I am in bed,” she whispered against his lips as she licked them.
John gave a small laugh and replied, “I don’t think that’s what Dr. Yee meant.” Giving her one more quick peck on the lips he stood and moved over to the dresser. He ruffled through her drawer finding a soft creamy white nightgown and brought it over to her. His mind quickly flashed a picture of her lying spread out on the bed naked and he shook his head to rid himself of it. He could not go there. “I’m going to go get your duffle bag really quickly, Doc.”
“John? I was hoping I could get a bath before I changed and got into bed. I’ve been getting sponge baths for two weeks and Dr. Yee won’t allow me to shower because I’m standing too long,” Marlena said.
John’s throat tightened at the thought of her naked, soapy body in the bath tub. His mind was a traitor pushing images into his head. She was now sixteen weeks pregnant and had a sexy roundness to her body that made him want to run his hands over her. Running his hand through his hair, he said roughly, “I can get the water running for you.” He turned and went into the adjoining bathroom.
Marlena stood up from the bed and grabbed her bathrobe from the hook on the back of her bedroom door. John walked back into the room to find her standing there in her track pants and her bra, staring at her growing abdomen and rubbing her hands over it with a small smile on her face. He groaned low in his throat causing her to turn and look at him.
“John, I love them so much,” she murmured, softly caressing her belly. “These babies were made from our love and I can’t think of anything that could ever make me happier. I-I wanted your baby so badly…and then I was gone.”
Stepping towards her, John said softly, “When Dr. Yee told me you were pregnant, I wondered if…I wondered of maybe the baby was…”
“I couldn’t,” was her only response, because she knew what he was thinking. “I came home after five years to you, John. My heart was yours.”
“But, Doc, you really came home to Roman,” John said quietly. “You thought I was Roman.”
“No, John…no. My heart came home to you,” she said reaching for his hand. She laced her fingers over his and placed his palm on her belly. “Do you feel that?” she asked him.
“Is that…? Are they kicking?” he asked her is awe, as he felt a slight, fluttery movement under his hand.
“Yes. I notice it all the time, fluttery kicks and swoops in my belly,” she said smiling.
“When I look at you like this, glowing and radiant,” John said, “I love you more than I did the moment before. How is that possible?” He looked down at her body, round with their children, and he placed both of his hands on either side of her abdomen.
Marlena was lost in the moment, until she thinks she hears sloshing, “Um, John? Did you leave the water running?”
“Sh*t!” he exclaims before running back into the bathroom.
~ ~ ~ ~
“Marlena, how are you feeling?” John asked her as he came into the living room carrying a tea tray and some scrambled eggs with toast. The children were at school and the house was unnaturally quiet. It had been a little over a week of bedrest and Dr. Yee wouldn’t even consider letting her off of it for at least another five days. Marlena was getting restless and stir crazy.
“I don’t know how much more of the sedentary life I can take, John,” Marlena mumbled as she bit into her toast. “This is ridiculous. You carry me up and down the stairs, you have Caroline come over when I bathe, and you won’t let me shower. I love you, but seriously, this is too much.”
“You just gotta make it to Wednesday, Doc,” John replied grabbing her second piece of toast off of her plate. Marlena watched him walk to the dining table and pick up a package of some sort.
John turned to her and said, “A package came for you earlier…it’s from Roman.” He watched surprise play over her features before she reached for it. John wanted to know why Roman would send her something, but he also wanted to give her space if she needed it, “I can leave you to open it alone if you’d like.”
“I can’t imagine why he would send me something by courier,” she said eyeing the package warily. “Caroline comes over here almost every day…she could have brought it.” Marlena looked up at John, patting the sofa beside her, and said, “Stay…I want you to stay.”
John settled in beside her, studying her as she opened the package with undisguised apprehension. Inside the large envelope was a letter and another, slightly smaller, envelope. Marlena’s hands were shaking with anxiety as she began to read the letter:
Doc,
I’ve written and re-written this letter almost 4 times and I’ve decided it’s never going to be enough. I just hope you know me well enough to know what my intentions are, and read between the lines. You know, I’ve never been much with words.
I wanted with all of my heart to return to my family whole, and in one piece, but the damage done to me was too great. While I was gone, my family moved on, they thrived…and I’m having a hard time reconciling my experiences with that knowledge. I love you and I love the kids, with all of my heart.
I have a lot of healing to do and I can’t do it here in Salem. It will hurt too much watching your belly grow with another man’s child. It will constantly remind me of what Stefano stole from me…from us. I don’t blame you. I don’t want you to think I do. I also want you to know that I trust you and your judgement in regards to the kids. Just remember, Doc, if you trust John…I trust you.
I’ve decided to take an ISA mission with Shane. It’s classified, so I can’t tell you what it is, but knowing you…you already have an idea. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, I only ask two things of you: 1) I want you to be happy, and if that happiness is with John, then take it. Don’t hold yourself back from love based on a fear of how it might affect others. 2) Talk to the kids about me. Tell them I love them daily and tell them stories of the times we had together. I can’t be there for them now, I can barely take care of myself, but I never want them to feel abandoned. Let John continue to love them…but make sure they know who I am.
I love you, Roman
John sat patiently beside Marlena on the couch and watched her read, and then re-read, the letter. She had her legs curled under her and occasionally swiped the tears off of her face with the back of her hand. Whatever it said was upsetting her, but he allowed her this time. Finally, she looked at him, saying, “He’s going back to the ISA. He didn’t say it, but he’s going after Stefano…I know he is.” She handed John the letter and as he read it through, she opened the other envelope. John looked up at her shallow gasp. She sat there with her hand at her throat and looked at John, whispering, “It’s divorce papers…”
John moves to pull her into his arms as she cries softly. She whispers, “I knew it was over, that our marriage would never work…but I feel so much grief in this moment. As if I lost something precious. I guess…I guess what I’m grieving is what was taken from us. From all of us.”
“That’s normal, Doc. I understand that. I think I felt something similar the last time Isabella and I spoke,” he said kissing the top of her head and smoothing his hand over her hair. “Because while I loved her deeply, I’m no longer in love with her. I know I hurt her, and to a certain extent I grieved what could have been, but will never be…because I love you so much more. ”
Marlena tipped her face to look at him. “You’re a wonderful man. You are such a good friend…and I am so lucky to have you in my life,” she said softly touching his jaw. Leaning up to kiss him so softly, it felt like a caress, Marlena whispered, “I love you so much.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Two weeks later, John was still putting off talking to Marlena about what had transpired in his life. His last meeting with Lawrence had gone well, although he still called him Larry, which irritated Lawrence to no end, but, John thought it was funny, so he continued to do it. He had an extremely large bank account balance and no idea what to do with it. He was just beginning to look into some of the companies that he was now in control of. John was relieved to learn that the companies basically managed themselves, with CEO’s and CFO’s doing the jobs they were hired for, although he thought he might like to be more involved later. Right now his focus was Marlena, the pregnancy, and Eric, Sami, and Carrie.
Carrie had returned to Salem a couple days after Marlena received the letter from Roman. According to her, she had run away from her Paris boarding school to “get to the bottom of all of the lies”. Realizing that her father had left town before she was even able to see him, had her in emotional turmoil. She was angry and because her mother had done a poor job of explaining the situation, John and Marlena found themselves deep in conversations with her that detailed the events from Marlena’s return in July to where they were currently.
She couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that John was no longer her father, especially when the world she stepped back into was exactly as the one she left…except Marlena was back. For Carrie, knowing that her biological father was alive was almost surreal. She hadn’t seen him since she was six and those memories were faint. She felt closer to John, and therefore continued to call him dad.
John worried about Marlena’s health and the health of the babies every day. He had talked to Dr. Yee and Dr. Bader about his fears and had decided that once Marlena had her twenty week check-up, he would tell her.
As they sat in Dr. Yee’s office John was still sometimes amazed that he had Marlena back. Not just that she had survived the head trauma, but that she loved him openly and freely. Marlena squeezed his hand to get his attention just as Dr. Yee said, “I’m not clearing you to return to work part-time for at least five more months, Dr. Evans. I don’t want you to overdo it and I believe your pregnancy is still considered high risk, due to the fact that it’s multiples, but also because of your continued recovery from head trauma.” Dr. Yee went on to explain, “I know you want to jump back into work, but full recovery from an epidural hematoma can take up to two years.”
“So what are the physical restrictions,” Marlena asked as John’s eyes shot over to her face. He knew what she was really asking and he wanted to know the answer as well. He had been struggling to maintain that distance because even their shared and brief kisses were becoming incredibly heated. Marlena continued awkwardly, “I mean, exercise…can I, um, can I exercise?”
Dr. Yee wanted to start laughing, but she held back, deciding to just tackle the real conversation, “Yes, light exercise is fine. You can also resume sexual activity if you wish, just not too vigorously…again, as long as Dr. Bader is in agreement.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Forty minutes later, Marlena was lying on the examining table with John beside her, holding her hand tightly as they stared at the monitor and watched their babies on the screen. “They are so strong, John…our babies,” Marlena said with teary eyes. “G-d, I love them so much.”
“They are doing remarkably well, Marlena,” Dr. Bader said as she continued to take measurements. She glanced quickly at John, saying, “You must be taking very good care of her, John.”
“He won’t let me do anything. He’s been carrying me up and down the stairs since I was discharged!” Marlena sighed in exasperation.
“Well the babies look great. Would you like to know the genders?”
Marlena smiled and said softly, “They’re girls, aren’t they?”
“Yes, two girls, fraternal twins is what we concluded at your last sonogram. I guess now is the time to start discussing names,” Dr. Bader said wiping gel off of Marlena’s belly and removing her gloves.
John watched Marlena stare at the frozen image on the screen, lost in her own world, and he said to Dr. Bader, “Marlena has been saying for weeks that they were girls. She’s already got the names picked out.” He gestured to the screen and said, “I’d like to introduce Violet and Ophelia Black.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Marlena knew something was on John’s mind. She’d known for weeks, but she decided not to push him, because she also knew that he was taking care of her and the children and he was incredibly worried about the babies. Tonight when John had suggested that the twins and Carrie stay at the pub for a sleepover with their grandparents, Marlena knew he was finally ready to talk.
Handing her a cup of tea as he settled into the couch, John held his arm out for her to snuggle into his shoulder. “You know, Doc,” he said softly against the top of her head, “After your surgery, I wouldn’t leave your room for two days. Dr. Yee finally told me I smelled bad, so I rushed home for a shower and came right back.”
Marlena started laughing and almost spilled her tea, “John! You were all stinky for me?”
“Doc, I’d do anything for you, even be stinky. Anything,” he whispered. He was quiet for a long moment and said, “While you were unconscious, I had a dream…well it was a dream but it was also a memory.”
“You had a memory that wasn’t Roman’s?” she asked.
“I was a child in my dream, racing my brother around the pool deck on tricycles. I remembered my name…and I remembered my brothers name,” John said. “But then…I drowned…or I remember drowning…”
Marlena was quiet as John processed how he wanted to continue. She knew there was more, probably much more, but this was his story to tell. John continued saying, “My name was Forrest and my brother was Lawrence…and I remember—I remember sinking below the water and seeing the reflection of the light as it sparkled off the surface of the water. Isn’t that an odd thing to remember, Doc? The way the light sparkled off of the water? When I awoke and I realized it wasn’t simply a dream…I wished that you were awake, so I could tell you.”
John reached over taking her mug from her hand and placing their cups on the table in front of the couch, before turning to her. “One of the times I went home for a shower and food, I had two visitors. The first was Isabella. I broke her heart, Doc. She walked out and never looked back, and I never wanted to hurt her,” John’s voice broke as he tried to continue, “But my second visitor was Lawrence Alamain…my brother.”
They both sat in silence just staring at each other for a moment, before Marlena asked him, “You’re sure?”
“Yes. Vivian had a DNA test done before she even told him. I’m certain she was hoping I wasn’t her long lost nephew. It was the locket, you know? She knew I had it, and she recognized it. How did she even know I had it? Honestly, does it matter?” John ran his fingers through his hair haphazardly and looked at her before he went on, “Maybe it does, but at this point…I don’t care anymore. I was so concerned with finding my past and learning who I was, because I was lost…but I was lost, because I didn’t have you, Doc. I didn’t have the kids.”
“John you are everything to me. I will always be here for you. Always…always,” she said reaching out to touch his face.
John turned his mouth into her palm and kissed her lightly. Tugging on her hand, he pulled her forward to softly kiss her mouth. Kissing Marlena once was impossible, and after he pulled back and looked into her sexy half dropped eyes, he went back for more. Finally ending their kiss when they both needed air, John said, “I have a surprise for you.” Standing up, he swooped her up off the couch and started walking toward the stairs.
“John, you don’t have to carry me anymore!”
“I like carrying you up the stairs…it gives me sexy thoughts.”
“I’ve been having some of those myself, Sailor,” Marlena said licking a long stroke up the side of his neck and biting his ear lobe. “So what’s my surprise?”
John took her into the master bedroom and sat her gently on the bed. “If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise, baby,” he replied. John had been in this room repeatedly over the weeks since she’s been home, but he had continued to sleep in the guest room. It was the only way he could guarantee that he kept his hands to himself.
He rushed into the bathroom to make sure everything was ready, and went back to get Marlena. She giggled when he reached for her hand, pulling her up and guiding her into the bathroom. Her heart melted as she glanced around the room taking in the bathrobe, the lilac scented candles he’d lit and the new teak bench in the shower.
John smiled at her sheepishly, saying, “Surprise…you can take a shower now…and if you need to sit…”
Overwhelming love rushed through her as she threw her arms around his neck, crying, “I love you so much, John Black!” Marlena’s chief complaints over the last month had been Dr. Yee’s refusal to allow her off of bedrest and the fact that she was forced to take baths instead of showers. Now, as she held him close to her, understanding that he had listened and understood her needs, even as she complained and moaned…it only made her love him more.
He wrapped his arms around her body, holding her close to him and inhaling the scent of her hair. John vowed that he would spend the rest of his life making sure that she was happy. He looked down at her and said, “If you get tired…you have a bench. Promise me you won’t overdo it, okay?”
“You know, you could always stay and supervise,” she whispered in his ear.
John arched his eyebrow at her and said, “Stay and supervise, huh? I could, uh, I could do that…if you’re needing supervision.”
Licking along his neck, Marlena moaned before saying, “Oh, I definitely need supervision.”
Threading his fingers into her blonde hair, John pulled her head back and crashed his mouth to hers. It had been a month of slow burn kisses and John felt his soul raging like fire. He pulled back to catch his breath, but Marlena just as quickly, pulled him back. Her breathy pants and moans were his undoing. They would never get a shower if this continued. Stepping away from her, both of them breathing heavily, John said roughly, “Doc, is it going to be the shower or bed? Because I want you so bad right now, it’s f*cking painful.”
Marlena stepped closer to him, leaning up to whisper in his ear softly, “Bed.” She then walked around him and exited the bathroom. John hastily blew out the candles, pulled his t-shirt off, and followed her into the bedroom.
She was unbuttoning her blouse when he stepped up behind her, pressing his chest to her back. He immediately flashed back to their first time together in that room, both of them nervous and unsure. Leaning down, he said to her, “Hey, let me give you a hand with that. I think I’ve had some practice with this somewhere down the line.”
John reached his strong arms around her and began unbuttoning her shirt slowly. Marlena felt her breath catch in her throat and then pick up rapidly. His fingers trailed along her skin with the softest touch causing an ache to begin deep in her belly. Reaching up and opening her blouse, he slowly pulled it off of her shoulders, while leaning forward to place soft, open mouthed kisses along the nape of her neck. Marlena rolled her head back to look at him and before she could say a word, his lips descended onto hers and his tongue swept over hers.
Her body started to quiver, her hands shaking as her fingers wove themselves into the hair on his chest, tugging lightly. She was vibrating with need and John’s pace was slow and seductive. She didn’t want to be seduced, so she pulled harder. John groaned loudly, “F*ck, Doc, this has to be slow and sweet…because Dr. Yee said—”
Marlena hummed lightly under her breath and said, “Are you seriously bringing up Dr. Yee right now, John?”
“I want nothing more than to push you again the wall, and tear off those little lacy panties I know you’re wearing. F*ck! But we can’t…so slow down and let me woo you.”
“I don’t want to be wooed, John…I want to be—”
He slammed his mouth back onto hers and began pushing at the elastic waist of her pants hastily, as Marlena began to walk backwards toward the bed. Their mouths devoured each other, licking and biting as they went. Marlena kicked herself free of her pants and her body fell to the bed. John stood beside it staring down at her in awe of how beautiful she was and how they had managed to somehow get to this point in their lives. Back together, after both of them thinking they would be forever apart. He was never letting her go. Unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them down, along with his boxers, he moved forward to lie beside her on the bed.
The roughness of his palm sliding up her thigh was almost a form of foreplay to Marlena. His fingers slipped into the waistband of her panties tugging at them roughly while Marlena leaned up to bite at his neck, sucking hard and then licking a line to his ear. John’s heavy growl vibrated through her causing her p*ssy to clench and fluid to leak onto her thighs. Tossing her underwear to the floor, he used his hands to push her thighs open and gaze upon her moist center. “You’re f*cking gorgeous you know that? I want to lick and suck on you…I want to bite you,” he growled as he nipped at her inner thigh.
“G-d, John! Do it…do it,” she moaned. “I ache so bad!” When she felt the heat of his mouth on her clit, the swipe of his soft tongue, she bucked up into him trying to get more friction. He smiled into her p*ssy and latched onto her clit sucking hard, over and over again. Marlena started to come immediately, more fluid flowing from her into the bed and her thighs.
John pulled back with a smug grin on his face, “That was quick…but I’m not done.” He began licking his way over her rounded belly and along her navel, finally latching onto her breast and sucking deeply before rolling his tongue around her nipple.
Marlena felt his c*ck slide along her wet folds and moaned, “I could come again…oh, G-d!”
“I don’t think I can wait anyway, baby. You feel so f*cking good…so hot and wet,” he rasped into her mouth just before he kissed her. “Turn on your side for me,” he said as she felt his c*ckhead bump her clit roughly. John slid up behind her, lifting her leg up and over his, and slid into her with a long moan.
Marlena tilted her head to kiss him and gasp into his mouth, turning him on even more. “John, move…please start moving,” she begged jerking her hips.
“Patience, Doc,” he whispered into her ear seductively. “We’re both going to come so hard we see stars,” he said as he reached around her body and begin flicking her clit. His other arm slid up under her breasts and pulled her body back against his tightly. John began to slowly pump his hips creating the most delicious friction for both of them.
“John…John…” she panted into his mouth. She felt her body rising, rising to get to that place only John knew how to take her to. “I’m so close, so close…” she moaned.
Before he allowed himself to give into the waves of pleasure crashing through him, he leaned to her ear and whispered, “You’re mine…you know that? This…what we have together, it’s forever,” he rasped as he pumped his hips into her slowly.
“I know,” she almost wept. “My heart belongs to you.” John’s hips began to slide back and forth at a frenetic pace as they both tumbled over the precipice.
Entwined in each others arms with only the sound of their breathing, Marlena said quietly into the stillness, “I want to marry you.”
“Are you asking me, Doc?”
“Yeah…I-I guess I am,” she replied with a smile. “What do you say, Sailor? Do you love me enough to marry me?”
“That’s a fact.”
The Jarlena Journal 
😏😏😏oh momma
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Love how you write Jarlena! This was everything! I hope you continue to write other stories.
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