“Brady! Come here son.” The handsome John Black was standing in the entrance to the terrace of the big mansion he and his family lived in. He was a very rich business man with a large company. He had called his son to talk to the child about his dying mother. Brady came into the room, clothes and face all dirty from playing soccer in the garden. He looked up at his dad with big trusting ocean blue eyes.
“Yes daddy?”
John walked over to the sofa and sat down. With a sad face he looked at his son.
“Come here son, we’ve got to talk.” He patted the spot next to him on the sofa for his son to sit down. Brady sat down and searched his fathers face wondering what he had done wrong, his father only looked at him like that when he was in trouble. Like the time he had smashed his moms favourite vase and lied about it.
“Did I do something wrong daddy?”
John had to swallow hard to get rid of the lump in his throat.
“No son, you didn’t.” he reassured the boy and ruffled Brady’s hair.
“We have to talk about your mommy.” John’s eyes began to fill with unshed tears. He was an adult and couldn’t understand why she had to die, how could he make a six year old understand?
“Did mommy do something wrong? Is that why she is ill?” Brady’s lip began to tremble.
He could remember the time when his mommy would play with him. He had loved it when the three of them played together. Soccer, baseball or hide ‘n seek or some other silly game. He missed the mornings of barging into his parents bedroom, jumping on the bed to awake them. Since his mom got ill he had to be quiet all the time because she needed to rest a lot.
“No slugger, mommy isn’t ill because she did something wrong. No one knows why she has to be ill. I know it hasn’t been easy for you but you’re doing a great job. You’ve been such a good boy and you’ve been a big help to me and mommy. I want you to know and remember that.”
“So she will get better soon?” Brady’s eyes were filled with tears. His innocent blue eyes looked at his father begging for confirmation to that question.
John sight and looked down at his hands, hating the fact that he was about to take all Brady’s hopes and dreams away.
“No son she’s not.” Brady began to cry but his eyes were still fixated on his dad. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you. There’s no easy way to say this, but son…. Mommy is dying, she won’t get better.”
“Dying?” Brady stopped sobbing, his little mind couldn’t comprehend all of this life shattering news.
“Yes son, mommy will be an angel soon.” John’s tears spilled over now too.
“An angel? A beautiful angel? Will I be able to see her again?” it came barely out a whisper cause Brady knew the answer to that question but he hoped his dad would say otherwise.
“No son, we won’t see her again any time soon. But she will see us and guard over us. I’ve explained to you what a guardian angel is right?”
“Yes daddy.”
“Well mommy will be our own special guardian angel.”
He watched Brady struggle to understand all of this. He could see the sadness on his sons face being replaced by anger.
“No! she can’t die!! I won’t let her! I need her! Daddy I need her!” Brady started to pound his dad’s chest with his little fists. Both were crying hard now. John let Brady act out his anger until the little boy was too tired and stopped pounding. John pulled Brady to his chest and wrapped his arms around the little boy to comfort him. He could understand Brady’s anger and fear like no one else could cause he felt the same.
“Brady, listen to me slugger. I just talked to the doctor and he says mommy has only a few more hours to live, if you want to see mommy and talk to her…. now is the time. I’m sorry son I wish you had more time with her but… Do you want to see her? Shall I come with you?”
Brady pushed himself away from his dad and lashed out again. “No! I don’t want to see her! I hate her! I hate her! I hate you!” he yelled, he turned around and ran to his room. John buried his face in his hands and let his tears fall freely. He wanted so much to change things for his son but he couldn’t . With business he was a very though and hard to handle man but when it came to his personal life he just couldn’t help feeling helpless.
He tried to wipe his tears away to go and see if Izzy was awake. He walked up the stairs and saw Brady’s bedroom door closed, he could hear the boy was sobbing and decided to give him some time. Quietly he walked towards his own bedroom. He slowly neared the bed and sat down on the edge.
“Izzy B?” he whispered, hoping she was awake because they didn’t have much time.
“John, hi…. Where’s Brady? Did he come with you?” it took a lot of strength to talk but she still had so much to say to the two people she loved most in this world.
“No I’m sorry, he is sad and frightened. He is in his room now, do you want me to get him?”
“No don’t, he’s just a little boy, don’t force him. Just tell him I love him okay?” his tears escaped from his eyes again and he held her hand, not able to say anything at the moment without falling apart. He needed to stay strong for her, for his son.
“Mommy?” A little scared voice whispered from the doorway. John looked over his shoulder and Izzy tried to lift her head to see the little Brady standing there, with the same dirty clothes only his face was more dirty now because of the tear stains. It was obvious that the boy had tried hard to wipe his tears away.
“Hey big guy.” Isabella whispered.
Brady ran towards his mom and fell in her arms. John rubbed the boys back and Izzy tried to hold her son and comfort him as much as her fading strength would allow her.
“I don’t want you to die mommy” he sobbed.
“I don’t want me to die either sweetheart but I guess God needs mommy to be an angel.”
Brady looked up at his mom. “Why? I need you to be with me, why does he always get what he wants?”
“I know you need me darling, but there’s a reason for everything that happens in life. Maybe we don’t understand that reason now, but you will understand it one day, I promise you will. And you know what? Don’t be angry at God, you know mommy is a school teacher right? Well maybe he needs mommy to teach the angels.”
“Maybe… but why you? Why not miss. Blake? My schoolteacher, I don’t like her that much, he can have HER!”
“Well Brady maybe he thinks I am the best and he needs me.” Brady’s face lightened up a little.
“Yes that must be it!………. You look tired mommy.”
“I am sweetheart.” She smiled, it took everything in her to smile and talk to him. the upside was that she was too tired to cry and she was glad about that, she didn’t want Brady, or John for that matter, to see her cry.
John could see that she was slipping away now and decided that it probably would be best if Brady left. “Hey slugger, why don’t you go and see if you can find Chelsea? It’s time for your bath.”
Reluctantly Brady agreed. “okay daddy… I love you mommy.” He gave her one last hug and climbed of the bed.
“I love you too Brady, never forget that, mommy loves you.” A single tear escaped her eyes when Brady left the room, she knew this was the last time she saw him.
John took her hands again and cleared his throat. “I’ll make sure he won’t forget about you.”
“I know you will honey. But just don’t forget to live okay? Don’t be stuck in the past, you and Brady have a whole life waiting for you. Do something with it, find a new love, a new mother for him. promise me you won’t revel yourself in self-pity. Life goes on you know.”
John couldn’t hold back his tears.
“Okay sweetheart I promise, it will be hard without you but I promise.”
“make sure Brady is growing up to be a kind and happy young man, help him get his life on track.” She was slipping away further and further.
“I will take care of him, please don’t worry. I love you Isabella Black.” He buried his face on her belly, or what was left of her belly, cause she had lost a lot of weight because of her illness. She placed her hand in his hair trying to take away his pain when she knew she couldn’t.
“I love you too honey, don’t… forget…to..live” He felt her breathing slowing down and her spirit slip away. She was gone…….
Two months had passed after the funeral. It had been a beautiful ceremony. They had played all of Isabella’s favourite music and all the people she knew and loved were there. John, who had a hard time accepting Isabella’ s death, refused to show any emotions. It felt like a big part of him had died along with her. He was so absorbed in his grief, he didn’t stop and look at his son.
John kept himself busy with work, anything to keep his mind off of home. He spent more and more hours at the office and less time at home. Brady was almost always asleep by the time his father came home and John was already gone by the time Brady woke up. John tried to do anything possible to avoid seeing the hurt on his sons face, never thinking about the fact that the boy wasn’t only hurt by the death of his mother but also because he felt abandoned by his father. This day was no exception. John was sitting behind his desk at his office keeping himself busy with all kinds of contracts of business deals.
”Mr Black?” the voice of his secretary called through the intercom.
”Yes Kate?” he sighed, he hated to be interrupted.
”There’s a call for you on line one, it’s your sons nanny.”
”Okay Kate put her through,” John picked up the phone. “Chelsea? Something wrong with Brady?” The irritation in his voice was obvious.
”Uhm no Mr. Black, physically he’s fine but…”
”Well then don’t bother me,” he interrupted, “I hired you to look after him so do your job!” he yelled. He slammed the phone back on the base, cursing out loud for this interruption. He knew he was wrong but he just couldn’t face reality yet.
”Kate?” he said pushing the intercom button, “Make sure I am not being interrupted again today, by no one you understand?”
”Okay Mr. Black, I’ll make sure of it.”
John went back to work so he could pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. He knew the rumours that were going behind his back, the whole building was buzzing with; how that once so charming and nice John Black had turned in to a bitter, angry man. He didn’t care, all he cared about was blocking out the pain that he so desperatly tried to avoid.
**************************
Back at the house Chelsea had a hard time with Brady, the boy was totally out of control. He had always been such a sweet boy but now he was way more than a hand full.
”Brady! Come back in here young man!” Chelsea called after Brady, who was running down the stairs after making a complete mess in his room on purpose. When Chelsea asked him to clean it up he had thrown a toy to her and ran away.
”No!” Brady yelled back.
Chelsea ran down the stairs as well, trying to catch up with the little rascal. Brady was very good in hide ‘n seek.
”Brady come here this instant!” Chelsea felt sorry for the little boy she knew from birth but she had to be strict with him. Finally she saw his feet underneath the curtains. Slowly she walked towards him and took him swiftly by his arm before he could escape again.
”Let go of me!” He tried to jerk free but her grip was too tight.
”No I am not. Sit here.” She sat him down on a chair and squatted in front of him. “Now young man, tell me why you did that. The boy didn’t dare to look her in the eyes so he looked at his hands that were in his lap. “Brady? Tell me please, it’s not like you to do something like that.”
”I’m sorry.” His voice was barely audible.
”Okay, I know you are. I want you to tell me WHY you did it.” She took his chin in her hands to make him look at her.
”I don’t know Chelsea.” He began to cry.
Chelsea pulled the young child into her arms, knowing more than anything he just needed someone to love him. “It’s okay, honey. Shhh. How about you go upstairs and clean up the mess and then you can come back down and we’ll bake cookies.” The boy gave a small smile and nodded, doing what he was told and with hanging shoulders he walked upstairs again.
Chelsea watched him until he was gone and sighed. Just then Eliana, the maid, walked in.
”Is he giving you a hard time again?”
”Yeah, but I can’t blame him, the poor boy just lost his mommy and now his daddy is completely ignoring him,” Chelsea said with a sad face, still looking at the stairs.
”Why don’t you call him and ask him if he can come home sooner tonight so he can talk to his son?” Eliana placed a hand on Chelsea’s shoulder, she knew how much she loved that boy, as if he was her own.
”I did call him”, she said turning around to face Eliana, “he wouldn’t listen, he asked if Brady was hurt. When I told him no not physically, he told me to do what I was hired for and hung up.”
”Jeez, I almost wanted to say that that doesn’t sound like him but I’m afraid nowadays it does.”
”Yes, I know. I feel so sad for Brady, he needs his daddy right now.” Chelsea walked over to the window and stared outside.
”You know what? Let me watch Brady for a while so you can go to Mr. Black, don’t take no for an answer, make him realize the boy needs him.”
Chelsea turned around again to Eliana with a determined look upon her face.
”That’s a great idea Eliana, are you sure you have time to watch him? He is quiet now but he can be a menace the next minute, you can’t take your eyes off of him. And I kind of promised him we’d make cookies.”
”Sure, I’ll handle it. Go now and make sure he listens to you.”
Chelsea nodded, walked upstairs to tell Brady that she had to go out for a while and that he should be nice to Eliana and then she left.
*******************************
Back at John’s office, Kate was just organizing some files and papers when Chelsea walked in.
”Hi Kate, is he in his office?” Chelsea didn’t wait for an answer but walked straight towards John Black’s private confines.
”Chelsea no wait!” Kate tried to stop her.
Chelsea didn’t know how she got the guts to do this but she barged right in to his office.
She startled John as she walked in, black coffee spilling on him. “What the hell!?”
”I am sorry, she just…” Kate stuttered.
”It’s okay Kate, you can go.” Kate shut the door behind her and John wasn’t looking very happy at Chelsea. “Where’s my son?” he demanded.
”At home with Eliana sir, I really have to talk to you about him.” She tried to look strong but in fact she was anything but. “He really needs you, I would appreciate it if you could come home and talk to him.”
Irritated John looked at her and sighed. “I can’t Chelsea, I have too much to do here.”
”But he really needs to talk sir. Everything that has happened the last couple of months changed him into a angry, saddened boy.”
”I’m sorry but I can’t,” his voice softened a little, he really was sorry he couldn’t help Brady, he was too messed up himself. “Just find someone who CAN help him okay?”
”Like a psychiatrist?”
”Yeah a shrink or whatever, just see to it that Brady will get past this. Ask Kate to make an appointment, she knows some people over at the hospital. Now leave, I have work to do.”
Chelsea looked at him for another second and did as she was told. John turned, sitting in his chair, to the window and tears escaped his eyes. He really wished he could be of help for his boy.
”Kate? Mr. Black wanted me to ask you if you know a good psychiatrist and make an appointment for his son.”
”Sure Chelsea, I know just the one, she is great with kids. Give me a second and I’ll find out if she has time for an appointment okay?”
”Okay, thanks.” Chelsea looked hopefully at Kate, hoping she knew just the right person. She wanted to help Brady so desperately and if going to a shrink would help him then so be it.
Kate picked up the phone and called the hospital. “Hillary? Hi it’s Kate. Listen I want to make an appointment for John Black’s son Brady, can you fit him in on short notice?”
Chelsea waited anxiously for the answer.
”Mmm.. mmm, okay, sounds great. Sure, okay bye.” She placed the phone back in his cradle.
”She could squeeze him in at 4pm sharp, can you make that?”
”Sure, I’ll go get him now, thanks Kate.”
”No problem, bye.”
***********************
”Hillary? Is my schedule empty now? I believe Mr. Robson was the last for today right?” Doctor Marlena Evans asked her secretary.
”No I’m sorry, I just got a call if I could squeeze an appointment with a little boy in, sorry I just got the call, I haven’t had time to tell you yet.”
”A little boy? Who?”
”It’s John Black’s son, Brady Black.”
”Ah I think I have heard of his dad, isn’t he that millionaire?”
“Yes, it’s really sad, he just lost his wife and that turned him into a bitter man, seems he rubbed it of on his son.” Hillary said shaking her head.
”Oh poor boy. Please send him in as soon as he gets here okay?”
”I will.”
Marlena walked back in to her office to do some paperwork until he came. Hillary smiled, thinking about how lucky Brady was to get help from such an amazing lady. If she wasn’t able to help the boy no one could.
Chelsea and Brady had arrived at the hospital and were inside Marlena’s office. Marlena asked Brady if he could wait outside for a minute because she wanted to get some information from the nanny before she could talk to Brady. It was better if the boy wasn’t there when they talked so he stayed with Hillary for a while. Chelsea told Marlena everything about the changes in the boy’s attitude and what his teacher said about him. At school he had transformed from a quiet charming little boy into a bully. After Marlena knew all she had to she asked Chelsea to wait outside so she could talk to Brady alone.
Marlena walked up to the boy who was obviously scared.
“Hi Brady, I’m Marlena Evans, you can call me Marlena if you want to. Will you come inside my office? I have great toys you would like, do you want to join me and play with it? I have a jigsaw puzzle I can’t do on my own. Wanna help?” She smiled sweetly to the shy boy.
Brady only nodded and took her hand to walk with her in her office. They sat down on the sofa. In front of them was the puzzle. Brady looked at it and smiled, it was a puzzle of Action Man, his favourite action hero.
“Do you think you can help me with that?” She asked again, hoping the boy would talk. Again Brady only nodded. He sat down on his knees at the coffee table the puzzle was on. Marlena sat down beside him.
“I’ll tell you what, if I find a fitting piece I can ask you a question and if you find one you can ask me one. Sound fair?”
Again he nodded. Brady was the first one to find a piece and smiled broadly. He looked over at Marlena with a proud face.
“Wow, you found one huh? Well now you may ask me a question, ask anything you want.”
Brady looked at her for a while as if he was measuring her up to see if he could trust her.
“Do you have kids?” He asked shyly.
Marlena gently ran her hand through his hair and shook her head. “No, not yet, but I hope that one day I will have such an adorable boy as you are.”
Brady smiled, he was pleased by that answer. He didn’t know why, but he liked this lady, very much.
Marlena found the next fitting piece.
“Oh look, it fits. Now I may ask you a question right?”
“Okay.” Brady started to loosen up, his voice was stronger and now he dared to look her in her eyes.
“Mmm, let’s see. Okay I thought of one. What sport do you like most?”
Brady didn’t have to think about that. “Baseball!” He said exited.
“Oh Baseball huh? Do you like to play it? Or do you just like to watch it.”
“Hey, you’re supposed to ask me one question.” He giggled.
“Oh I’m sorry, you are right, but baseball happens to be my favourite too so I got a little exited.” She said laughing back, her nose wrinkled.
“It’s okay, you can ask me.”
The ice was broken, he was completely relaxed now and a lot sooner than she had expected.
“Okay I will, well do you play baseball?” She leaned sideways against the sofa propping her elbow on it and her head resting against her hand. Brady kept rummaging through pieces of the puzzle, hoping to find another piece. He kept glancing at Marlena occasionally, smiling whenever he did.
“Yeah, my league is called; “peanuts”, but in about three years I will be old enough to play with the bigger boys.” He said proudly.
“Wow, good for you! Do you practice at home?”
“Yeah, I used to. “ His face fell and he was all sad again.
“Used to? As in not anymore? Why not?”
“I used to practice it with my dad but he doesn’t have time for me anymore.” His lip began to tremble.
“How so? Does your dad work a lot?”
“Yes, but that’s not the reason. My mom died and I know he blames me.”
Marlena had a pretty good idea now what had cost the change in this boy’s attitude.
“I know about your mom Brady, but it wasn’t your fault. It was nobody’s fault. Why do you think your dad blames you?” She ran her hand through his hair again.
“I don’t know, but when she died he never played with me any more. He’s never home.”
Tears were coming from his eyes. “I miss him so Marlena.”
Marlena had to swallow hard to get rid of the lump in her throat. She felt so sorry for this little boy. Still she was glad he felt comfortable enough to address her by her name and to talk so openly to her.
“Have you told him that Brady?” She said stroking his cheek, wiping the tears away.
“No, like I said he’s never home. I know Chelsea tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t listen.”
“You know what? Let’s make another appointment okay, I will talk to your dad and ask him if he will come too.”
“Okay, I like talking to you, but I know he will be too busy.”
“Well just let me worry about him okay?”
She gave the boy a hug and stood up to let Chelsea in.
“I would like it if you made another appointment with Hillary, Chelsea, I would like to see him very soon. I can help him but than I have to see him on a regular basis. I would like it if his father came too next time.”
“Well good luck Dr. Evans. I’ve tried to talk to him but all he cares about nowadays is making money and hiding away from the world, or so it seems.”
Marlena raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t talk about my boss like that but honestly, all he cares about now is his business.” Chelsea apologized.
“It’s okay Chelsea, I’ll talk to him myself.” Marlena assured her.
“You might want to save your quarter on a phone call cause he won’t take them, you’d better drive over there yourself and barge in like I did. That’s the only way to get a minute to talk to him.”
“Okay, I will. My schedule is empty now so I will go right now. Make that appointment with Hillary for tomorrow and I’ll make sure his dad is coming okay?”
“Mmm sure.” Chelsea didn’t sound too convinced.
*************************
“Kate! Come in here please.” John Black demanded.
Kate hurried in, not knowing what to expect now.
“Yes John?”
“Please give me the contracts I asked for and then you can go home for today, it’s getting late and there’s no need for you to stay.”
“Okay, I have them right here, are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” She hoped he would send her home.
“Yes I’m sure, go home and have a nice evening with Roman. I’ll see you first thing tomorrow.” Kate didn’t know how to react but she didn’t waste a minute, it had been a long time that she could spent a nice evening with her husband. John made her work overtime almost every night.
John sat down at his desk and looked over the contracts. He threw them down on his desk again because he couldn’t focus. He turned around in his chair to look out the window. His office was on the top floor of his huge company building so the view was amazing. The sun was setting and it showed an amazing glow that lit the sky in all sorts of romantic colours. He was so taken by the beauty of it, he never heard Marlena come in.
“Mr. Black?” She said standing in the doorway.
John turned around, not liking to be brought back to reality.
“What do you want Mrs. …?” He said with contempt.
“MISS Evans, thank you. I want to talk to you about your son, I’m his psychiatrist.”
“So? Talk to his nanny if you have questions.” He pretended to be busy with his papers, ruffling through them.
“No sorry, can’t do. I really need to speak to you.” She took a few steps forward to his desk, stopping right in front of it. John still didn’t look up from his paperwork.
“Yeah? Why is that? His nanny knows him better then I do, just talk to her.”
“That’s exactly where the problem lays. You’re pushing your son away. I would like it if you could come with him for the next session. Tomorrow,” she said firmly.
John finally looked up from his papers, annoyed by this stubborn person who wouldn’t just leave him be. He had to suck back his breath when he saw the beautiful woman before him. He hid his first reaction quickly, not willing to show any emotion whatsoever.
“I am what? And you want me what? Excuse me lady, but where did you get the nerve to tell ME what to do? “ He almost yelled. It didn’t scare her away, in fact it made her more determined to get what she wanted, getting him to talk to his son. She bent over and placed her hands on his desk, her face just inches away from his. He could smell the wonderful scent of her perfume and had to bite his lip to keep from saying what he really wanted to.
“YOU are abandoning your son, and I WANT you to be there tomorrow.” She stared right at him, her beautiful hazel eyes as cold as ice.
John stood up, very pissed at this woman’s attitude. He placed his hands on the desk too and leaned in to her, their heads almost against one another but both unwillingly to back of.
“YOU can want all you want, but I will tell you again, I have no time. I want you to make sure my boy will be okay and leave me the hell alone!” They stared at each other without blinking. Marlena was the first one to back away. She straightened her back and walked out, “Suit yourself Mr.Black, but your son is the one being hurt here and maybe you should put away this male ego you have and deal with it,” she said before shutting the door behind her.
John cursed out loud and ran his hands through his hair.
“Damn that woman! How dare she to come in here and tell me what to do.”
He had a hard time to admit that she stirred his feelings awake. He was mad as hell with her but still there was something that made him feel attracted to her. She was the most beautiful vision he had ever seen, her perfume still was lingering in his nostrils … Shalimar … it was the scent his wife had always worn.
Marlena felt the same, he was arrogant, selfish and resentful but yet she found herself being attracted to him, his ocean blue eyes, his muscular scent of a cologne she couldn’t put her finger on. She shrugged it off, as she thought she only felt this way for this jerk because she had been single too long. She just hoped he would come, if not she would pay him another visit until he did.
The next day, Chelsea and Brady showed up for their appointment, without John Black per usual. Marlena saw Brady’s sad little face and this was more evidence in the boy’s eyes that his father didn’t care anymore. Marlena cursed inside for John’s refusal to help his son and came up with a plan.
“Brady, sweetie, will you wait here for a moment so I can have a word with Chelsea?”
The boy gave her a half smile and nodded. Marlena walked outside her office followed by Chelsea.
“Why isn’t he here Chelsea? “
“I don’t know, I asked him to come but he murmured something about having a lot of work to do and went out the door, I guess he went straight to the office.” Chelsea looked at the floor embarrassed.
“Well I guess I didn’t expect him to come but I hoped his son would be more important than his business. I have an idea though but I need your help.”
“Of course. What can I do?” Chelsea looked hopeful at Marlena.
“I need you to take me to his home and when we’re there I need you call him for me.”
“Sure but why? I tried to call him several times but he won’t listen. I don’t think he will listen now.”
“That’s why I want you to call and tell him, no… better yet, tell Kate there’s an emergency at home and he needs to come right away. That way he can’t ask you what’s so important. Just say to Kate that there’s an emergency and then hang up, that way he has no other choice than to come home. Further more I want you to take Brady to the park or something, just make sure the boy is nowhere in sight when Mr. Black comes home. I will wait for him there and have a long talk with him. Seems to me that if I want to help Brady, I have to start with his father. Do you think you can handle it?”
“Sure, I just pray he won’t fire me over this.”
“Don’t worry Chelsea, he wouldn’t do that I’m sure. He knows you are the closest thing the boy has for a mother and he won’t take that away from him. Let me handle it please.”
“Okay, will do then.” *************************
Half an hour later they were back at the Black estate. Chelsea told Brady to go and ask Eliana for a cookie in the kitchen so she could make a call. Marlena stood besides Chelsea when she made the call. Marlena nodded at Chelsea to encourage her. She picked up the phone and dialed John’s office number. It rang two times before Kate answered.
“Hello Kate? It’s Chelsea, please tell Mr.Black to come home immediately, it’s an emergency.” Right after that she hung up, with her hands trembling she looked up at Marlena who looked back appreciatively.
“Thanks Chelsea, You did great, I’m sure Kate is panicking right now so she will do a great job convincing John to come home. Please just go to the park with Brady and make sure the two of you will be gone for a few hours okay?” Chelsea only nodded and with a pale face she went to the kitchen to get Brady. Marlena looked out the window and saw them leave. She looked around the huge living room and walked towards the fire mantel where she saw several pictures. She traced the frame of one family photo with her fingertip, smiling. The picture was filled with love, it was a picture of John with Isabella and Brady obviously taken in a happier time. His one arm wrapped around Isabella’s shoulder and on the other arm a smiling Brady. She had to smile seeing this but it also made her heart ache a little. She so much wanted that for herself. A loving family, a soulmate to share her live with. Maybe a few kids. She had been in a few relationships but for some reason it never worked out. When she heard a car pull up the drive way she was taken out of her thoughts .
She walked to the middle of the living room with her face to the front door, waiting for John to come in.It only took seconds before the door flew open. John came in running, the top buttons of his blouse undone and his tie was missing along with his jacket. He looked as if he had been running all the way.
“Chelsea! Brady?” He shouted the second he came in. His eyes wide with worry and confusion.
“They aren’t here Mr. Black,” Marlena said quietly to calm him down, although she knew he would be anything but calm.She took a step back when he came so close so fast looking like he was going to strangle his sons whereabouts out of her. He saw her withdraw and stopped just a few inches in front of her.
“Where is he? What ‘s going on?” He demanded.
She knew she had to calm him down, he looked so haunted. She was a little distracted herself , he was so close she could smell his after shave mixed with his natural manly scent. It nearly made her head spin.When she didn’t answer him right away he grabbed her upper arms and shook her a little.
“I asked you what happened? Where is he?” He repeated.
“Calm down, he’s okay, he’s just fine.” She stared right in his eyes, which were hard and cold right now. She couldn’t help but think that it was strange that these eyes were the same as the family picture. There they were so gentle and full of love but she only had seen him with these cold eyes, but yet they had some kind of sparkle now that she didn’t see on the picture.
“What do you mean? I got a phone call that there was some kind of emergency.” His voice had softened a little.
“I’m sorry but that was my idea, it seemed the only way to get you out of your office,” she said returning to ‘doctor mode’ , “I’m sorry for worrying you but it really seemed the only way.” He let go of her arms and walked away from her in frustration.
“Worry me? Woman you have no idea what hell you put me through!” Marlena rubbed the sore red marks he left on her arms. He had squeezed her arms so hard it stung but somehow her body reacted to his touch and she felt sorry that he had let go of her.His fire blazing blue eyes were enchanting. She could read all the emotions in his eyes, all… except for one, desire. He was worried sick about his son but yet there, right in front him stood the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. He felt some guilt too, guilt towards his beloved and belated wife, Izzy B. He shrugged it off and tried to focus to the one thing that was left of his world, Brady.
“Why?” was all he could muster to say.
“I really need you to talk to me and open up to me in order to help Brady.” She said placing her hand on his arm.
Both shrugged back as if they were burned. With an amazed look upon their faces they stared at one and other, both had felt the bolt of electricity that ran through them with this one simple touch.
“Uhm… eh, like I said, it’s really important that you and I talk before I can help Brady.” Marlena stuttered trying to compose herself. John was baffled too but returned to his anger.
“So you thought what? Give the man a heart attack, maybe that will get his attention? You have no idea what I felt after that phone call. I lost my wife a few months ago!”
“I know and I am sorry. But if you don’t talk I cant help Brady as much as I want too. He needs you, HE lost his mother. Don’t let him loose his father too.” She pleaded.
“He isn’t going to loose me, I’m not dead yet.” Angry he walked over to the fire place, staring at the same picture Marlena had .
“Not yet maybe.” She sneered.He turned on his heels and looked at her, eyes still blazing fire.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Brady is already loosing you. You are turning away from him. He feels as if he has lost both of his parents. Open up to me so you can open up to him. Don’t turn your back on him.”
“I’m not, I just have a lot to deal with myself. He has Chelsea. My company needs me too, and I work a lot for him, so he can take over in the future.”
“That’s bull and you know it.” She argued back.
“Work is just an escape from reality for you, your company will be just fine if you put in less hours. I know you are hurting but so is Brady and he’s just a little child. Crawl out of your self-pity and help that boy.”
“Hey I hired you to help him right? So do your d**n job and help him!” He yelled.
“How can I if you won’t?” She yelled back. “It takes hours and effort to help him but I do need your help.” Her voice softened a little.
“Fine. Then put in the hours and I’ll see what I can do.” He too calmed down a little.
“I will, but I do mean that it takes a lot of time. I was thinking about taking some time off from work so I could spent more time helping your son.” She watched him to see his reaction. She had assumed that he would turn her help down after the stunt she pulled today.
He looked at her and came up with an idea, “Why don’t you stay here for a while? I mean as our guest, if you are taking time off to help my son I guess you might as well stay here. That way you can monitor him upclose.”He looked at her for her response, his eyes dark as if he was challenging her. Surprise was showing on her face, he knew this was not what she had expected. It wasn’t what he expected either, his first intent was to fire her, but somehow he couldn’t. There was something about this lady that attracted him, reminded him of something, a great love.
Marlena headed back to her office to finish some things up before she could take a few weeks off, or how ever long was necessary. In her car she called Hillary and told her to reschedule her agenda for the next few weeks.
“Yes Hillary, I know I really don’t have the time to take some time off now, but I feel that if I don’t do this, a little boy will suffer the consequences. Ask Laura to take my patients for a while okay? Just see that you arrange it, I feel I need to do this. I’m almost at the office so I’ll talk to you soon.”
She hung up, a big frown on her face.
“Why am I doing this exactly? I never took the time off to help one patient in particular. Why is this case so important to me? Or better yet, why does Mr. Black have such an impact on me? What is it about this man? He’s rude, selfish but somehow it’s all an act. It will be very interesting to make him bare his soul to me. He has to demolish this wall around him if he doesn’t want to loose his son. Oh well, we’ll see what happens when I am settled in the Black residence. “
She parked her car and took a quick glance in the rear-view mirror to see if her make up still was in the right place. She noticed the slight red shade on her cheeks, she was kidding herself by saying that color was due to the heating in the car. She grabbed her purse and phone and headed towards the hospital.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Back in the Black mansion, John Black was wearing out his living room carpet by pacing back and forth, thinking about if it was such a smart move to invite Marlena Evans to stay with them for a while.
“She’s a shrink, she will poke her nose into everything I do, wants to know everything I think. Now I have to be home a lot or she may never leave. I better work at home so she’s able to monitor me and Brady, hopefully help him and go away again soon. I hate her stubbornness and the stunt she pulled on me, but there’s also something about her that attracts me to her.”
He gave a loud sigh, walked over to the fireplace and picked up the picture that only a short while ago Marlena had held. He looked at the radiant smile of his beloved wife and ran his other hand through his thick black, shiny hair.
“Oh God Izzy, it feels like yesterday that I lost you, and now I feel some strange kind of attraction to another woman, a woman I don’t even know, I don’t even like. What’s wrong with me? I promised myself never to look at another woman again and yet I feel on fire when this woman touches me. Why? Sure she’s beautiful, so what? You’d never believe the stunt she pulled on me today, she had me so scared, for a moment I felt the big loss I felt when I had just lost you. I still miss you so much, Brady looks so much like you. His mouth and especially his eyes… His eyes are the spitting image of yours. Nowadays I can’t look at him Izzy, I can see the hurt in his eyes, the hurt of loosing his mother, the hurt of feeling abandoned by me. I made mistakes, lots of them. I feel guilty towards him for not being there for him, I feel guilty towards you for not taking proper care of him. I’m so sorry, I will try my best to change things, not only to get her out of here faster but for you, for Brady. I love that little man, more than I love my own life. I’ll make sure he always remembers you but we have to go on, I have to go on. I know that if you were here you would give me a good wake up call and kick me in the butt and say wake up and smell the roses, for me life is over but you have to take care of our son, give him a happy childhood, don’t let him grow up too fast. And you’re right Izzy, I’ve buried my head in the sand for too long now, it’s time I took my own life in hand and make something of it, if only for Brady.”
John placed the picture back on the mantel when he heard the door and turned around smiling hearing his son’s voice.
“Daddy! You’re home!” The little boy ran to his father with open arms. John picked him up and swung him around, laughing.
“Yes slugger, I’m home. I will be home for quite some time now. So where have you been with Chelsea?”
He had put the boy back on his feet and squatted before him, smiling broadly.
“We went to the park daddy, Chelsea even played soccer with me.” He grinned glancing at his nanny, who had still a flushed red color on her cheeks and was still trying to catch her breath.
John laughed. “So you tired poor Chelsea out huh? What do you say if we gave Chelsea the night off and you and me watching some video’s together?”
The boys eyes lit up even more and nodded as hard as he could, but then he hesitated slightly and his smile disappeared. John noticed the sudden change in his son and became concerned.
“What’s wrong Brady? You already have other plans?”
“No”, Brady shook his head, “but how long will it take before you get a call and have to rush back to the office dad?” That comment hit John straight in his heart.
“I promise I won’t do that, Chelsea is going to give you your bath and I will call Kate in the meantime okay? I’ll say to her that for the next few weeks I will work from home. I’ll arrange everything so I can stay here with you. I know I have hurt you but I promise I’ll be here for you from now on. Daddy still has to work but I will do that as much as possible from here. And for tonight no work at all okay? Deal?” He offered Brady his hand to shake on it. Brady took his hand and smiled again, still a little skittish but hopeful again. “Deal!”.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
“Laura!” Marlena saw her best friend and colleague standing in the open elevator. Laura held the doors open for her and she got in. “Hi, I really need to talk to you,” she said almost breathless.
“I know, Hillary paged me so I was heading for your office as we speak. What’s up?” Hillary had told Laura some of it but she wanted to hear it out of Marlena’s mouth. Laura couldn’t understand why she would take so much time off for one patient, there had to be more behind this.
“Well, I need to ask you a big favour. I’m working on a case that needs all of my attention. I need to take this time off in order to help a little boy.” Marlena watched Laura’s reaction, knowing Laura too would do anything for a child.
“Well go on,” was all Laura said, that much she was told by Hillary, she wanted to know more. Much more.
“Well it’s about a little boy that has lost his mother. His dad is burying himself in work so he feels more than abandoned. I tried to help him in office hours but his dad isn’t so cooperative. I need this time off and stay with them for a while so I can monitor them both up close.”
“And now you want me to take over your other patients?” Laura said with a grin. She didn’t mind doing that for her friend, she had time to do it, but somehow she felt there was so much more to this than Marlena wanted to share.
“It would be a big help. There are no severe cases, just a few that need someone to talk to. Please Laura, could you do this for me?”
“Sure sweetie, anything for you but how do you figure you are going to arrange it with Craig? He still is chief of staff you know, he may not like this idea of you too much.”
“Oh let me handle Craig, I will take a personal leave of absence. I haven’t been on vacation or even had a day of in ages so this he has to grant me.”
“I guess you are right.”
“Hey slugger, all washed and clean again I see.” John smiled at his son and lifted him up in his arms. “Come here, I have to talk to you.” The smile that was on the boy’s face a few seconds ago disappeared just as quick as it came.
“You have to go to work again right?” Brady said disappointed.
“No. We made a deal remember? I will stay with you as much as I can. I called Kate and said I would work from home for the next few weeks. I also told her she could only bother me if it was really important. I will only work when you are in bed okay?”
Brady regained his smile again.
“Okay daddy.”
John sat down on the living room couch and placed Brady on his lap.
“There’s something else I want to talk to you about. You remember the lady that sometimes talks to you?”
“Marlena,” Brady grinned.
John smiled. “Yeah that’s the one. Well she’s going to stay with us for a while, is that okay with you?”
Brady jumped off John’s lap and smiled broadly, he looked at his dad.
“Really? I like her dad, she’s nice. I can tell her everything she said. Do we keep her?”
John laughed out hard, Brady laughed too, it had been a long time since Brady had heard his dad laugh so sincere.
“No son, we don’t keep her, but I’m glad you like her that much.”
“How long will she stay?”
“Well I guess she said she would stay until we are okay together. I shut myself off for the world and especially you when mommy died. She will make sure we will be okay when she leaves again.”
“Okay, but it’s going better already, you’re talking to me again,.” Brady said innocently.
That remark hit John hard, finally his eyes opened and he could see the harsh reality again. He silently promised his son he would work hard to restore his trust in him again.
“True, and from now on, things will only get better, I promise you that. Now how about watching a video together? We will make a big bowl of popcorn and settle down in front of the TV set.”
Brady cheered loudly and raced his dad to the kitchen for that popcorn. John looked at him smiling and knew for sure they didn’t need the help of Dr. Evans for much longer. He almost felt happy again. Almost that is.
The next morning Marlena got up early, the night before everything was arranged at the office so all she needed to worry about now was Brady and his dad.
She was having breakfast on the balcony of her penthouse, enjoying the sunrise. It promised to be a chilly day but right now everything was so quiet and peaceful and wind still, she didn’t mind the fresh cool air.
Many things went through her mind, she still didn’t know if this was such a great idea but somehow she knew she had to do this, help this little boy and his father.
Last night she had packed so all she needed to do was have breakfast and close the door behind her.
She washed the dishes when she was finished eating and headed for the shower. She took her time cause she didn’t want to be intruding on their breakfast although she knew that was silly cause she would spent the next few weeks with them, including three meals a day.
She had her doubts that mr.Black would stand by his promise to Brady cause she knew he would do anything to get her out of there as soon as possible but she didn’t want Brady to get hurt in the end.
Normally she wouldn’t even think about moving in with a patient but somehow this case was different. Mr.Black had taken her totally off guard. She knew that by accepting his offer to stay there he only was trying to keep up appearances. He felt attacked by her accusations of abandoning his son. He would do anything to make sure she would believe he had changed already so she had to be on her toes to see right through him.
Mr.Black himself too was intriguing her. She didn’t know why but this man had something that attracted her. She resented him cause as far as she could see he was so full of himself but somehow there was just something about him…
In the Black mansion was everyone awake too. After breakfast Chelsea took Brady upstairs to get dressed and washed while John Black hit the shower and went to the study to do some work. He didn’t get much work done cause he was kind of nervous. He kept looking at his watch, he had no idea at what time she would be there but still he kept glancing at his watch.
At one hand he regretted asking her to stay with them for a while, after all he only made the offer cause he didn’t think she would do it, but on the other hand he couldn’t wait to see her again. No matter how much this lady got on his nerves, still there was something special about her.
Two hours had past when the doorbell rang, there she was. John came down the stairs and saw a vibrant Brady open the door. John stopped dead in his tracks. There she was, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He immediately tucked that feeling of joy away and a cold expression came over his face when he arrived on the bottom of the stairs. Brady was babbling away at Marlena who couldn’t help but stare at Brady’s dad. He looked so handsome, almost irresistible in his dark blue jeans and red polo shirt. She tried to hide her admiration for this man cause no matter how good he looked, she resented his behaviour, his character.
“Good morning miss. Evans.” John stated.
“Good morning.” She almost whispered. Eliana took her coat and Brady took her hand and guided her towards the living room.
Marlena glanced back at John who told Chelsea to take Brady upstairs for a while. Brady protested for a while but Marlena winked at him and the boy went along and went to his room quietly.
“Take a seat.” John said pointing at the couch. “make yourself comfortable, after all this will be your home for the next few weeks. Or did you change your mind?” He asked feeling mixed emotions. “I noticed you didn’t bring luggage?”
“Oh but I did, it’s just still in the car, I wanted to make sure you hadn’t changed your mind.”
“No, it’s fine. I don’t think we need your input for long. Brady and I have spent some quality time together last night and had a good talk from man to man and things are looking up.”
“That’s great, but don’t forget you still have a long way to go. It will take a lot of time before Brady will trust you again.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” John almost yelled. He immediately felt sorry for that outburst. He just wasn’t used to be told what to do or that he was wrong. For him it had been a big step forward and he somewhat was proud he made progress with Brady.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you, it’s just…” he threw his hands up in the air helplessly.
“It’s okay, I understand. You two have made a step forwards but it’s not over yet, there will be a few steps back, but in the end it will be fine.”
Her compassioned voice made him shiver. The little hairs in the nape of his neck stood straight up. Yet he didn’t want to give in to it.
“Come let me show you your room.” He changed the subject. Without looking at her anymore, he walked towards the stairs. Marlena got up and followed him.
He opened the door of a large room next to Brady’s bedroom and across his.
The curtains were open and the warm sun lighted the room. The room was filled with oak wood furniture. A king-size bed, nightstands, a make up table and a door to the walk-in closet.
The sheets of the bed had a rose print on it and in the room where different vases filled with beautiful lilacs. Marlena gasped when she saw it, she was impressed. The decoration of the room was exactly her taste.
“Oh my gosh, this room is beautiful.” She walked over to the window to look at the view. She could see as far as her eyes could reach.
“I’m glad you like, Brady and Chelsea have picked out the flowers, they thought you might like it.” John didn’t want her to think he had anything to do with it. He was fooling himself by wanting her to go as soon as possible.
“Well, I’ll let you unpack your things. If you need me, I’ll be in my study.” He turned around and before Marlena could say anything he walked out, closing the door behind him.
Marlena sat herself down on the bed after Eliana brought her things upstairs.
“Well mister Black, you are doing your best to make me feel unwanted I think, but it won’t work. As long as Brady needs me I will stay even if it takes months.” She said out loud, thinking she was alone.
“Really?” She heard a voice say behind her. She turned around and saw Brady standing in the doorway. She smiled when she saw his cute little face light up. She patted her hand on the bed next to her to invite him to come and sit. He did.
“Yes Brady. I will stay as long as you need me.”
“And if I need you for years? “ The boy asked hopeful.
Marlena laughed, “Well Brady, I will always be there for you, maybe not here in this house but you can always call me or come visit me.” The boys smile disappeared a little.
“I was kinda hoping that you would stay here for a loooong time.”
“Oh but I will stay for a while, as long as I think is necessary. It was very generous of your dad to invite me here and normally I wouldn’t do it but you seem like a real good boy to me so I want to help you and your daddy.” Marlena looked at him and saw his expression change into one of worries. “your dad told me you and him had a good talk last night.”
“Yeah it was great, we talked for a while and then we watched a video, with popcorn and all.”
“Wow, that is great. But why the sad face now?”
“It’s just.. well you know…” Brady stopped talking and looked towards his little feet that were bungling from side to side, a thing he always did when he was nervous.
“What is it Brady? You can tell me everything and anything remember?” with her index finger she tilted his chin up so he would look at her.
“It’s just that… sometimes when he doesn’t know I’m there I hear my dad talk to the picture of my mom. Then he talks about how unhappy he is and stuff, that really makes me sad.” The boy almost began to cry.
“Well did you try to talk to your dad about that?”
“No” he said with a pouting voice. “He will think I was eavesdropping, and I’m not supposed to do that.”
“Well yes, it isn’t polite to eavesdrop but when you accidentally overhear something and that something bothers you a great deal, then it is important that you talk about it.”
“But won’t he get mad? Sometimes I try to talk to him about my mom but then he gets all upset and says we can’t talk about her.”
“Well your dad has to learn to talk about her, he misses her as much as you do. Do you want me to talk to him about that? Would that make you feel better?”
Brady gave a half smile again and his eyes began to sparkle. “That would be great! Maybe you can talk to him about my mom, he can’t get mad at you, you’re a grownup.”
“Okay I will, but you have to promise no more eavesdropping okay?”
Brady nodded and left the room, in the doorway he turned around and gave Marlena one last smile before he went to Chelsea who was calling to him because he had to go to school.
Marlena thought about how easy it was to talk to Brady, what a wonderful little boy he is while she unpacked.
When she was done she went to find the study hoping to find John there. After opening two wrong rooms she finally found the right one. She opened the door slightly, looked around the corner and saw him sitting at his desk and then she knocked softly.
“I’m sorry to disturb you but do you have a minute?” she asked quietly.
“Whatever, come in.” he snorted. He still was in a bad mood. Marlena walked in the room and stopped at the edge of his desk.
“It’s about Brady, well more about you in fact.”
John raised his eyebrow and pointed at the chair across of him.
“Do you ever talk to him about his mom?” she asked straight forward. John was totally taken off guard by this question and stood up and turned around to look out the window.
“Why?” he asked dry.
“It’s very important for him that he can talk about his mom.”
“He can talk about her whenever he wants… just not with me.” His voice broke a little.
“But he wants you to talk to about her.”
He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “I know but I just can’t, maybe one day.”
“Can you tell me why you have trouble talking about her? Can you talk to me about her?” She stood up too and walked up behind him, placing her hand on his shoulder.
“Please don’t.” he said shrugging her hand off. She took her hand back as if she burned herself. “He turned around and apologised again. “I’m sorry, I just… I can’t” he almost flew out of the room, leaving here behind puzzled. She was not going to give up and decided to see where he went.
She found him in the garden, staring at the beautiful roses. She stood still in the doorway to the garden for a minute and stared at him. He had his back turned to her and had no idea she followed him. He looked so handsome, the sun shining through his thick black hair. She had to figure out how she could tear the wall down that he had built around him. Not only for Brady’s sake but for his own as well. She felt in every fiber of her body that there was so much more to him, more than he was willing to show to anyone. On the outside he was stubborn, hard, even cruel at times but on the inside he was a scared little boy that didn’t know how to live life happy again. He had to learn to open himself up to the world, to her.
She had a good idea of what emotions were tormenting him. He loved his wife dearly so of course it was natural to feel loss. But he also felt guilty because he blamed her for dying. He was angry with her for bailing out on him but felt guilty cause he knew all to well it wasn’t her fault, her choice. He was torn by mixed emotions and she was determined to help him.
“John?”
He was startled to hear her voice, not only because he thought he was alone, but also because of the electrical sparks that raced through him by only the sound of her voice. Add that to the guilt he already felt and it was obvious to anyone how miserable he was.
“What do you want now?” He replied, without turning around to face her. Although his words weren’t very inviting, his voice was calm and soft and so she stepped a little closer to him, not willing to give him a break now.
“I want you to talk to me.” She stood right behind him, ready to lay her hand on his back, but he turned around so quick that he startled her. Giving him the space he needed, she held up her hand in defeat and took a step back.
“Don’t you get it? I already told you I didn’t want to talk. You’re here to help my son, so do your damn job.”
“Fine, don’t talk to me, I will talk for you. Do you know what I see when I watch you?”
He gave a sarcastic grin. “Sure, you’re the shrink here, so you probably have it all figured out.” He threw his hands up in the air and let them fall back against his thighs again.
“What I see is a man that keeps up an appearance. He wants the world to think he’s a bastard. You seem tough but in fact you’re nothing more than a scared little boy. You’re torn between feelings of sadness, anger and guilt. Sad because you lost your wife. Anger because she left you and your little boy, but guilt is what seems to overcome you. You know your wife didn’t plan to leave you and you hate her for that. You hate her and that makes you feel worse because you know she never would have left is there was a choice. Add to that your feelings of neglect towards your son and well …” She trailed off for a moment, before continuing. “So tell me, how far off base am I?” Marlena stood right before him, her hands on her hips as if she was challenging him. In fact she was, she hoped for a revealing reaction.
John was baffled. She was on the money, but he would be damned if he’d let her know that.
“You couldn’t be more wrong, now leave me the hell alone before I regret inviting you in my home.”
He wanted to walk away from her again but she wouldn’t let him and in all truth he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to.
“How can someone so smart be so stupid?”
John looked at her angry and surprised at the same time.
“What do you mean?”
“You never stay and fight… you always leave.”
John gave a sigh knowing he couldn’t win this one by turning his back on her.
“Stay, and talk to me. Please.” She touched his arm and spoke softly, letting him know she wasn’t there to attack him but to help him deal with his problems, his life. “Come on. Let’s sit down.” She gestured towards a bench in the garden and John followed her lead. He sat down next to her, his elbows resting on his knees. Somehow she had gotten to him and he broke down, tears falling down his cheeks.
“Hey it’s okay to cry you know, it can be a big relief when you do, it’s only natural.”
This ticked him off again. “Don’t patronise me!”
“I didn’t … I…” She was shaken by this outburst. He had yelled before at her but this time she figured she had demolished the wall around him, or at least a small part of it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell again, it’s just …” He stood up and began to pace, not wanting to look at her, to see her. “I can’t move on, what’s wrong with me?”
He turned around to look at her, this time needing and hoping to find the answer in her eyes. Marlena stood up too and couldn’t help but look him in eyes. Her own were filled with compassion. Both their hearts were increasing their beats. For a moment that seemed to last an eternity they just stood there, staring. Their minds racing, wondering what it was that made them feel this way. Both falling in love and not knowing, or not willing to admit it.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, you just can’t let go of her yet and you don’t have to. You will see it will be a little bit better tomorrow, and the day after, take little steps.”
Her voice was raspy, her tears were fighting a way out, but she fought them back.
“I’m sick of feeling like this, of waiting for tomorrow, hoping this feeling will be gone. As horrible as it may sound, I want these feelings gone yesterday, not tomorrow.”
He turned around again, more tears were coming from his eyes but he didn’t want to give in.
She laid her hands on his shoulders from behind.
“Like I said it’s okay to cry, don’t be afraid to show me.”
He shrugged her hands off and took a few steps away from her, taking a big piece of her heart with him. He couldn’t stand to feel her touch. It brought back feelings he thought he would never have again but then they did and in tenfold. He felt guilty, simply because he felt he betrayed his wife.
He once again turned around.
“You know the song Love Hurts? “
“Of course I do.”
“Well it’s true. Nothing on this planet can hurt you as much as love does.”
She didn’t know what to say for he was right, she of all people knew that.
“Are you married? Or seeing someone?”
He had taken her by surprise with this question and she faltered when answering.
“Um, no. I’m not.”
“Good. Make sure it stays that way, you can never get hurt like I was.”
“I’m not so sure about that. It’s pretty lonely sometimes.”
She looked towards her shoes, knowing all to well how loneliness felt.
“Well believe me, that feels better than getting hurt by love.”
“Loosing her has made you cynical. It’s understandable but it will pass.”
“Damnit Doc! Can you turn off this shrink-mode of yours for a minute and talk like a person? Like a person with feelings?” He blurted, regretting it the second it came out.
This was all she could take, her tears were ready to come freely now. She couldn’t cry in front of him, she wouldn’t. She couldn’t control it however and as the tears started, she turned, hoping he wouldn’t catch on. She was here as a shrink, to help his son and now the tables were pretty much turned, he was the one opening the gate to her feelings, feeling all the lonely nights. For years she had buried herself in her work because she had lost all hope of finding someone to spend her life with. Now here she was, already confused by the feelings he stirred up in her, feeling more depressed then he was or so she thought.
She quickly swiped at her tears and cried softly, embarrassed to do so. John didn’t think twice and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a firm hug, trying to comfort her.
“I’m sorry, I’m so terribly sorry,” he whispered.
Now she was the one shrugging back. She looked at him through teary eyes, turned around and flew into the house, up to the comfort of her room. John just stood there, not exactly sure what had happened.
John went to his study when Brady left for his party and sleepover at his best friends Elsie’s house after lunch but he couldn’t get any work done cause he couldn’t concentrate.
All he could think about was this remarkable lady and about what had happened in the garden. He had been so reluctant to touch her or come near her cause of the feelings she stirred awake in him, but when she cried he couldn’t stand it and only wanted to hold her.
It felt so natural to have her in his arms, to soothe her. She made him feel alive again, if he wanted it or not. He didn’t feel as guilty as he thought he felt. He wanted to feel guilty but now he wondered why. Isabella would tell him to move on, she did tell him. He nodded that thought away. He did feel alive again, but he didn’t think he was falling in love, he thought it only was because she made him stir up all those feelings hidden inside, therefore it was only natural he was attracted to her or at least that was what his mind tried to let him believe.
When she didn’t even come down for dinner he got worried. He had ordered Eliana to make something but he wanted to give it to her himself. He walked up with the tray of food and knocked on her door, there was no answer.
He tried again but when there still was no answer he opened the door. There she was, on the bed, all curled up, in a deep peaceful sleep.
He didn’t want to wake her so he placed the tray on her nightstand. He wanted to leave quietly but she woke up anyway. The only light in the room was coming from the moon, John noticed it made her eyes sparkle and her skin look like silk. She was a beautiful vision. Slowly she sat up in bed, confused and still sleepy.
“Hey there, sleepyhead,” John said softly.
“Oh my, how long have I slept? It’s already dark outside? Is Brady already gone? Oh I wanted to wish him a great time.” She wanted to get up fast but there was no use to do that and John held her back.
“It’s okay, he knows. Did you sleep well? You rushed out of there pretty shaken. I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she smiled shyly, “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m here to help you and Brady, not to expose my own emotions. I’m the one who is sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, it’s only natural you know.” He winked while he threw back her words at her.
“Touche,“ she laughed. “Okay, let’s stop apologizing.”
“I agree. What do you say if we went downstairs and watched a movie?” Marlena looked at him, puzzled. “Hey it worked with Brady, so maybe it will work for me too. Who knows what I will tell you when we watch.” John grinned.
Marlena shook her head.
“Why not?”
“If you don’t mind, I’d rather just talk to you, without the interference of a movie. I’m a sucker for movies, if it is even remotely good they suck me in and I will be lost to the rest of the world.”
“Well I wouldn’t want that,” he smiled. “Okay let’s just talk.”
Marlena still sat on the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms around them. John sat himself on the bed too and he lay down on his side with his arm propped under his head.
“Tell me about her,” she said softly to him, afraid he would close up on her again.
John’s face turned sad, but he didn’t blow up at her this time.
“She was amazing. Sweet, caring, a good wife and mother. Now she’s dead, what more is there to say?” He tried to sound nonchalant.
“Well, obviously there’s much more to it.”
“I have to admit I’m surprised to feel this way. I mean the feelings of loosing her and missing her are so strong. To be honest in the beginning I had to learn to love her. Our marriage was an arranged one so to speak. I don’t want to talk about that but we didn’t marry out of love like it should be. It took me a while but from the time we had Brady I loved her so much. I guess I do feel some guilt about that. Before we had him I sometimes wished this marriage didn’t happen. I always felt she died because of that. Because of the way I thought. But when Brady was a factor, I did love her. It’s just not fair, I lost her at a time I loved her the most.”
“I can understand you feel the guilty, but you don’t have to. Gods ways are mysterious but not cruel.”
For a moment both said nothing, they were thinking about the same thing, how it had been possible that they grew so trusting and friendly to each other when just hours before they couldn’t stand each other, or so they wanted to believe. They stared at one and other and smiled simultaneously.
“What about you? How come you cried? What ‘unresolved’ issues do you have?”
She looked away, she was here as a shrink, not as a friend. She really didn’t want to get into it. “Too much to mention,” she laughed, trying to get him off the subject .
“Well? I have time, talk to me.” She looked at him again, her eyes filled with wonder and gratitude but still not willing to talk.
“What’s with the 180 degree turn? I mean, I didn’t think you would let me stay, I thought you would throw me out the same day I came. What happened?” Her attempt to change the subject worked.
“Well,” John sat down across from her, finding the words to explain without making a fool of himself. He couldn’t just tell her she made him feel alive, stirring up things inside of him he never knew existed could he? “I, uh, well… it’s just, you’re not as bad as I thought you were.”
“Why thank you,” she laughed, slapping him playfully on his arm. She laughed, but in fact the tears were stinging again. She hoped he had felt the same for her as she did about him, whatever that may be. She herself still wasn’t sure what the hell she was feeling.
“Ouch!” He overreacted, rubbing his hand over his arm.
“Oh you big goon, don’t whine, there’s more where that came from.”
She took a pillow and threw it against his head. He didn’t want to let her get away with it so he returned the favor. It became a real adolescent pillow fight. He had the upper hand because of his strength but she gave him a good fight. He gave her a good blow with the pillow and she felt backwards on the bed, he took his chance and sat on top of her, taking her hands and pinning them above her head. Both of them with ragged breaths. Their laughter faded, replaced by longing and yearning to hold, to kiss, to be one. Still pinning her hands down, John lowered his head towards hers. A few inches above her he stopped, staring in her eyes, looking for her approval. The tears from laughing made her eyes sparkle, her flushed skin shone in the moonlight, her lips full and moist, aching to be kissed. Very slow he touched her lips with his. His tongue trying to enter the warmth of her mouth. Her lips parted willingly, their tongues colliding, touching souls. When they needed to come up for air, he backed up a little.
She smiled at him, letting him know, it had been okay, more than okay. This is what they both wanted, both needed so bad.
He slowly had let go of her hands. She used that freedom to trace the outlines of his face with her fingertips. He tried to say something but she hushed him by placing her index finger on his lips. He didn’t speak, instead he opened his mouth and softly bit on her finger while sucking it in. She took his chin, while his hands were busy playing her hair, and pulled him towards her for another kiss. She could see the desire in his eyes, just as he could see in hers, after this there was no return, no way to stop what they had started.
While kissing, their hands were occupied undressing each other. Slowly she unbuttoned his blue shirt, button by button. His hands were busy opening the zipper of her skirt. Next was her blouse, his eyes never leaving hers as he sensually undid each button, one moment at a time. She unzipped his pants and for just a second they let go of each other to get rid of the remaining and overwhelming clothes. John sat on his knees while she lay on her back. He was mesmerised by her beauty. Never before had he felt the desire, the longing, even the aching he felt now. Gently he laid down on top of her, kissing her neck. With his tongue he trailed a path from her neck towards her breasts, softly nipping at her nipples. His trail went down while his hands were busy kneading her breasts, eliciting soft moans from her. His breathing was heavy and hot, as were hers, all desire taking control like fire.
Maybe it’s intuition
Some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I’ve found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe
Her hands were running through his hair, playing with each strand. She arched her neck when his hot and moist tongue reached her lower abdomen. Her moans were becoming louder and raspy. He kissed her inner thighs when his hands slowly went down to massage her moistness. Shivers were running through her spine, a feeling she wanted to let last forever. She pulled him back up to her and looked tantalizing in his eyes for a second. She pushed him so that he fell beside her on his back. Now it was his turn to enjoy the pleasure she could give him. Her fingers played with his chest hair, her soft, full and sensual lips claiming his. Her tongue tried to find his soul in the depths of his mouth.
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
When he tried to deepen the kiss even more, she pulled back, biting his lower lip softly. A pleasant sort of pain made him tremble. She gave a sweet kiss on the sore spot and lowered down to his chest, his belly button. She gave him an approving glance when she noticed his erection. Her hands began to caress his member, slowly but sure. Seductively she looked at him while her tongue began to join her hands. He had grabbed the pillow behind his head, trying to control this overwhelming feeling of desire to come.
There’s just no rhyme or reason
only a sense of completion
and in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I’m searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe
She scratched his balls gently with her nails, making him crazy. He pulled her up again, afraid to loose control if she went through with her current movements. She grinned wickedly when she saw his pain of struggling to stay in control. He touched her lightly when he ran his fingertips over her soft silky skin, giving her goose bumps. He searched for her mouth again for a deep and gentle kiss. Both were lost in another world, another universe, in each other. Nothing else existed but them. He gently climbed on top of her again and she spread her legs to give him access. Slowly he entered her, making her moan. Carefully, he began to thrust, deeper and deeper, both wild with desire. No words were spoken but with one look in each others eyes, they could see the love. Two people becoming one.
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
She kicked him gently with her feet to urge him to increase his thrusts but he didn’t, it was his turn to tantalise and tease her. He wanted it to last and that wasn’t easy with her. One look at her was enough to let a boy become a man. She wanted it faster… harder, so she rolled him over and got on top of him, riding him. Now she was in control and he liked it. She arched her neck when he penetrated deep inside of her. She was completely filled with his passion. Both breathing hard, due to desire and exercise.
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I found you
She increased the trust, hard and deep as she liked it. It wasn’t for long until they almost simultaneously came to their peak. When he lost all his control, she laid down on his chest to relish in the feeling of this love making. There they were, sweating but fulfilled and complete. Their bodies damp from sweat. He kissed her on top of her head and she smiled at him. It was a moment without words, without anything else but them. With his arms around her they both fell asleep.
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
It was hours later that John woke up and found a sleeping Marlena in his arms. Reality sank in, he hadn’t dreamed this, she was real. His first intuition told him this was what he always had wanted, this was real love but still a small part of him made him feel bad. He felt he had used Marlena to get over Isabella, because there was no way Marlena could feel the same for him as he did for her. These thoughts were irrational but for him overpowering.
Gently he pulled back his arms from around her and slid out of bed, still staring at this beauty that was sleeping so peacefully. He ran his hand through his hair, grabbed his pants, threw them on and walked out the room, quite upset. He went to the living room, straight to the fire place, picking up the frame with the family picture inside.
“Oh Izzy B., what the hell am I doing? I feel like I have known this woman all my life, loved her all my life. Yet I’m still not over you, am I? It’s all so confusing and yet so simple. I can’t hurt her this way until I know for sure. I need to sort out my feelings. I thought I was on top of things, that Brady was the one confused. That boy’s love for you is so simple, so pure. I don’t know what the hell I am feeling. I always thought I loved you with all my heart but what I am feeling now has so much more to do with love, it makes me feel my love for you was more like acceptance. I’m so sorry about that, I really am.” He gave a loud sigh and rubbed his forehead.
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
In the meantime Marlena had woken up, feeling empty without his arms around her. She got out of bed and put a robe around her. She slipped out of the bedroom, trying to find him. She had heard his voice coming from the living room so she went down there too. John still was at the fire place, his back turned to her. She stood still in the doorway, liking the sight of him, only clad in his pants.
“Hi sailor, nice suit.” John didn’t move as she walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “I missed your arms around me,” she whispered.
He didn’t say a word, instead he pulled away from her arms and walked up to the window, staring out.
“What’s the matter?” She was confused, he seemed so happy when he fell asleep, what had happened in the meantime? Then it hit her, he still had the picture in his hands. She explained it wrong, she thought he regretted their love making, still feeling guilty towards his wife.
“Do you have regrets about what happened between us?” She asked carefully.
“Yes,” he said almost inaudible, with a cold voice.
This shook her up a little, she had been afraid he would say that.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I will leave if you want me to.” Silently she was pleading with him to let her stay, to say to her it had been a mistake, that he had no regrets at all.
“Maybe that would be the best thing, yes.”
Still he didn’t turn around. He just couldn’t face her. He knew that if he turned around, he wouldn’t have been able to fight the urge to hold her and never let her go. He couldn’t do that until he was sure this was the real thing.
Marlena nodded, eyes wide open in shock and stuttered, “Um uh okay, I will pack my things and leave. Tomorrow I will come back and explain to Brady why I can’t stay here. I will tell Chelsea to bring him to my office again for our appointments.”
“That won’t be necessary, I will tell him you left and I will find another shrink for him. He won’t be happy but he will get used to someone else, he doesn’t know you that long so he will be just fine.”
Marlena couldn’t speak, tears were uncontrollably coming from her eyes. She slapped her hand before her mouth to smother the soft cries. She turned around and ran out of the room, up to her bedroom.
John turned around as soon as she was out of the room, unable to hide tears of his own. His heart was broken and she had taken all the pieces with her. He had to fight the urge to ran after her and stop her. He really thought he was doing the best by her, but what did he know?
Marlena rapidly got dressed and packed. John was no where to be seen when she came down the stairs again. She looked behind her one more time before going through the front door, towards her car. She didn’t have the heart to look back again, that would hurt too much. She got in her car and drove away, to her penthouse. If she had looked back, she would have seen John standing by the window, in her bedroom, watching her drive away.
ohn stayed at the window, staring out until she was completely out of his line of sight. The tail lights of her car faded as she drove further and further away from him. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks. He was wondering if he had made the right decision. He wanted her more than anything but he had to resolve his feelings first. Even before Isabella died he had felt empty. He had been happy, but still felt empty. Tonight he had come to understand why. Marlena had made him feel alive again. It dawned on him that in the years with, and even before Isabella, he was a mere shadow of himself; he had operated automatically; robot-like. He had settled for less, less than he deserved, less than what he wanted. He had never really thought about it but now he knew what he had been missing all his life.… a pair of lively hazel eyes.
He turned around and sat down on the bed. The sheets were still warm and damp from their love making. His hand travelled to the spot where she had been sleeping in his arms earlier. She hadn’t been gone long, yet he missed her like crazy. He still had to fight the urge to run after her. He made himself believe this was the best thing to do. He hoped he could make Brady understand it. The boy had become very attached to Marlena already.
“Brady,” he sighed, “how on earth am I going to explain this one to you?” John stood up and paced back and forth, in an attempt to gather his thoughts. “How am I going to tell you this slugger? You too, had a special place for her in your heart, from the moment you met her. I don’t want to break your heart by taking that from you.” John didn’t have much time to think about it, morning was just around the corner, and he knew Brady would be home soon.
Instead of going home, Marlena drove to the pier, perhaps the only place she could think clearly. She sat on a nearby bench and looked out over the water. It was still dark and the silence was deafening. She had shed every last tear, and now she felt numb. Something inside her had shattered, and it was not just her heart. Her spirit too, had been crushed. She was experiencing a myriad of emotions. One moment, she was numb, the next she was stark raving mad and wanting to just lash out. Then came that lack of feeling all over again. She was mad at herself mostly, for setting herself up to fall yet again… It was like a déjà vu; a been there, done that kind of feeling.
“How could I let myself fall in love with that man? What a fool! Damn you john!” she rubbed her face with her hands. “No damn me, I should have known better. It’s only been a few months since he lost his wife, how could he possibly be over her? Was I a mere substitute? A distraction so that he wouldn’t have to feel the grief? He must have been glad to finally be able to not have to think at all.”
She stood up and strolled along the pier. “Who knows, maybe he fantasised about her when he was with me. I think it gave him a good scare when he woke up and saw me.” The thought chilled her to the bone. She shook her head fiercely. “No! He wasn’t thinking about her, his heart was with me, that much I do know for sure. I just don’t know why he felt so guilty afterwards. It’s not like we jumped each others bones in a moment of lust. Or maybe we did. Damn I’m so confused, I have to get him off of my mind. Come on girl, get yourself home and get some sleep, tomorrow everything will be different… better,” she said unconvinced.
She got back to her car and drove back to her penthouse. The second she walked in, she could feel the loneliness creep up on her again. She had been so glad to escape it with the prospect of going to stay with John and Brady for a while.
She tried not to think about it and went upstairs to take a shower before she would try to get some sleep. It was going to be one long, lonely night.
The next morning she went to the hospital to see Laura. She knocked on the door to Laura’s office before entering. She was glad to see the face of her friend smiling back at her.
“Hey girlfriend, what are you doing here, I thought you were at the Black estate,” Laura asked puzzled. She could tell by the look on Marlena’s face and the obvious tear stains, that her friend was anything but happy.
“Good morning Laura. I’m back, he fired me,” she said matter of factly, in fear of showing any emotion whatsoever and breaking down yet again.
“Fired you? What happened?”
“It’s a long story and I really don’t want to talk about it. I’m here to ask you for another favour.”
Laura could tell by the look in Marlena’s eyes she shouldn’t pry. At least, not right now. Laura knew Marlena all too well just like she knew it would only be a matter of time before she would come to her and open up. She would on her own terms; when she was good and ready. She had done that before, when she lost a love… it seemed a lifetime ago but in fact it had only been 2 years. She had helped Marlena in every way she could but she also learned not to pry it out of her. “Okay tell me what I can do for you.”
“Uhm… a lot has happened in the last few days and though he fired me, I want to ask you if you could take care of my patients a while longer. I need some time off. I won’t be of use to anyone if I can’t digest this all,” Marlena diverted her glance and looking at her hands, in fear of showing her true feelings and thoughts. “Sure honey, you know I won’t mind. Take as much time off as you need, I’ll make sure everything is taken care of here.”
“Thanks Laura.”
At the Black estate Brady had come home and John had told him about Marlena leaving. The boy was very upset and had stormed to his room. John felt bad to say the least. He would have preferred to have imparted news of positive nature… perhaps that he and Marlena were getting closer? He could kick himself in the butt for being such an ass but the little voice in his mind said it would all be okay again; they would get over her. He didn’t have long to ponder on what had transpired when a loud noise came from upstairs. John ran up and saw Brady trashing his room. Chelsea was trying to calm him down but her efforts were futile. Brady yelled and cried and threw every object within his reach around. John rushed in, grabbing Brady and holding him in a deadly grip, trying to calm him down.
“Shhh Brady, it will be fine, WE will be fine,” he assured, trying to convince himself more of that fact.
“NO! I hate you, I hate you!!!” the little boy screamed with all his might.
Hearing his son say that so convincingly hurt him unbelievably. How could Brady believe him when he didn’t believe it himself? How could they ever get out of this mess if he kept screwing up?
“I’m sorry son, I know it hurts, it hurts me too.”
“Then get her back, I want her back!”
John continued to hold him firmly. The boy was kicking and screaming, fighting to get free.
Chelsea looked helplessly towards John, not sure what to do, she had never seen Brady act like this. Normally, he was a quiet little boy that did not react when circumstances bothered him. He kept it all bottled up inside. After his mom died he didn’t act up either. He was seemingly complacent. Sure, he felt bad that his dad didn’t have time for him but he never behaved like this. Chelsea came to the conclusion that he must love Marlena already big time. Chelsea looked at John and gestured to him that she would step out for a little while. John just nodded his head, not caring where she went. He was too preoccupied with calming Brady down.
Chelsea got in her car and drove to the hospital. She was convinced that talking with Marlena was the only way to help Brady. She was in luck because when she was about to enter the hospital, Marlena was on her way home.
“Miss Evans!” Chelsea called out breathlessly as she ran after her.
“Chelsea? What are you doing here? Are John and Brady alright?” She grabbed Chelsea by the arms waiting with trepidation for an answer in the affirmative.
“Yes they are… I mean… Brady isn’t really, but he isn’t in the hospital. It is nothing like that. I just really need to talk to you.”
Marlena let go of Chelsea’s arms when it registered. She knew what Chelsea was alluding to. John would have told Brady that she had left by now. “Alright Chelsea, come sit down on this bench with me and tell me everything that happened.”
Chelsea told her about Brady’s reaction and that she knew he wouldn’t take the news so well. “Could you please come to the house with me and talk to Brady? Mr. Black is doing the best he can, but it is useless. I know Brady too well, he really needs you now. Please, will you come?”
Marlena hesitated, she really wanted to help Brady but she had no desire to see John again. It would make it so much more painful for her to get over him. She also couldn’t say “no” just because she could deal with his father and whatsmore, she couldn’t live with herself, knowing she didn’t help the little boy she had grown to be so fond of. “Does John know you’re here asking me to talk to Brady?”
“Uhm, no. I didn’t tell him where I was going,” she said, averting her glance, “but I’m sure he won’t mind me asking you. Brady is out of control, this was all I could think of to help. Please come with me.”
“Okay Chelsea, it’s worth the try. I just hope John won’t have a fit.” They got up and walked to their cars to go back to the house. Marlena still wasn’t sure if she did the right thing, all she knew she was doing right by Brady. John? Well she would deal with him later.
At the Black mansion John was still struggling with Brady. No matter what he tried in order to calm the boy down, it was futile. He decided to lay him down on his bed and leave the room for a while. Brady was so mad at his father, maybe a little time alone would help calm him down a little.
“Brady, I will go downstairs for a while. You stay here and try to calm down a little okay? We will have a talk when you do. It will all be okay son, you’ll see.”
Brady didn’t even acknowledge his father’s presence but his eyes spat fire. He turned around on his bed and faced the wall. John ruffled the boy’s hair and walked out, closing the door behind him. He touched the closed door, let out an exaggerated sigh and went downstairs, not knowing what to do about this situation. He wanted to take away all the pain that Brady was enduring. In fact, relieving himself of some of his own suffering, did not seem like such a bad idea. from his son and from his own heart for that matter.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs he saw the front door open and heard familiar voices. His mouth dropped when he saw Chelsea come in, followed by Marlena. His heart skipped a beat and in that one instant when he saw her face he had almost forgotten what had transpired only days earlier, and fought the urge to smile. He recovered quickly when he was once again reminded of the gravity of the situation. the seriousness of it all came back to mind.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded, looking angrily at Marlena.
“I asked Miss Evans if she wanted to come sir, I was so scared seeing Brady act this way and I knew she was the only one that could help calm him down.” Chelsea looked at the floor, afraid of his reaction.
“Her leaving is what caused the problem in the first place!” he shouted, not thinking about the fact Brady could hear him.
“And who’s idea was that?” Marlena responded calmly.
John’s eyes shot daggers when he walked past her into the living room. She was right on target with that remark, but what bugged him more was her eerie calmness. It wasn’t the reaction he expected, or even wanted. He was as confused as Brady.
Before following him into the living room, Marlena gestured to Chelsea to leave them alone for a while and Chelsea went to the kitchen to make some tea.
John sat down casually on a chair. With his arms wide spread over the arms of the chair and his legs crossed he looked at Marlena almost as if challenging her to confront him. He was surprised when she didn’t even so much as look at him but rather passed straight by him and to the fire place where she proceeded to pick up the photo of Isabella. As she ran her fingers over the photo of Isabella she could see the change in his demeanour from the corner of her eye. She smiled lightly. She knew he wasn’t as tough as he tried to look. Her own heart was racing too. She was still mad at him but the love she felt for him was stronger than her anger towards him. Her one flaw; her heart always ruled over her mind.
Finally she turned around and sat down on the couch opposite him. She waited and stared.
“Do you think it’s possible for us to have a calm and civil conversation?” She asked, with one raised eyebrow. The way she had already picked up his habits did not go unnoticed by John. He smirked.
“Why? You don’t have to be here. If you ask me, the only reason you came back is Brady, so why would you even want to talk to me?”
“WANT isn’t the right word I would use ,” she said almost inaudibly. John heard the comment just fine and it stung.
“You are right, I’m here for Brady, but before I go and talk to him I want you to tell me what happened. So give me the details.”
An awkward silence fell between them. John was baffled by her clinical detachment. She had clearly gone into doctor mode but he couldn’t believe she would be this calm about it all. What little he knew. She was fighting like hell to appear calm on the surface while on the inside her heart was being torn to shreds at the thought of her little boy in pain… and his father… well she didn’t want to admit it, but seeing him and talking to him, no matter what the circumstances, made her insides turn to mush and she wanted him even more. His stubbornness didn’t turn her off, if anything it only made her love him more. He was transparent to her, she could see what was beneath this tough façade.
“Uhm well, after you left he came home from his sleep over and I told him all that happened… well, almost all.” They both blushed a little, knowing he meant he told Brady about everything but their love making.
“How did he react?”
“He started screaming how much he hated me.” He paused a little remembering those hurtful words that spilled forth from Brady’s mouth… His little boy. He sighed, thinking about him and then continued, “I tried to comfort him but he ran up to his room. I followed him but he started to kick and scream even more. I held him as tight as I could but no matter what I did he wouldn’t calm down. I guess that’s when Chelsea left to get you. Just before you two came in, I had laid him on his bed, telling him I would come back to talk to him when he had calmed down somewhat.” He ran his hands through his hair conveying his frustration.
“Well I will go and talk to him now for a while or you can if you want to, it’s your choice. I would like to talk to him before I go.”
“Yeah sure, if you think you can help him, by all means try it.” His expression softened a little when he looked at her, his eyes filled with despair and gratitude at the same time.
Before Marlena could answer, Chelsea came running in calling for John, frantically. She was clearly distressed.
“Mr.Black!!! Brady is gone!! He isn’t in his room, I have looked everywhere but I can’t find him.”
John and Marlena practically jumped from their seats, their eyes wide and their mouths agape. While trying to collect their thoughts, both started questioning Chelsea, hoping they heard wrong but knowing and feeling in their gut that Brady had run away.
“Are you sure you have searched the whole house? Can he be in the garden or even at the attic?” John asked frantically.
“I’m sure, I have searched everywhere. Some of his clothes and toys are missing too and his backpack. I’m afraid he ran away from home.” Chelsea started crying. Marlena walked up to her, rubbing her hand over Chelsea’s arm to comfort her a little.
“Don’t worry Chelsea, it will be okay, it will be dark soon and he is not stupid, he will come to his senses and come back here,” she said trying to reassure herself as much as Chelsea.
“Oh don’t be stupid, you’re the reason he ran away and he won’t come back, God knows what is going through his mind,” John yelled, his eyes black with anger and worry.
Marlena simply stood there in shock, not knowing what to say. Her mind was racing, blaming him as much as she blamed herself but there was no use to add fuel to his already blazing fire.
“Do you have any idea where he might have gone to? A friends house maybe? Or does he have a favourite spot somewhere?”
She tried to say as calm as she could. It took every ounce of strength she had to keep from yelling back at him.
“I don’t know,” John said pacing back and forth.
“Chelsea, call all the parents of his friends and classmates and see if he’s there or if they heard from him. John take your car, I’ll take mine and we will search for him. Take your phone with you so we can let each other know if we’ve found him or if we come across some crucial information as to his whereabouts .” She didn’t wait for his response but grabbed her coat and walked out towards her car to find Brady. John followed her lead, knowing she was right but hating the fact she took control while it concerned his son. He knew he was wrong in blaming her. If anyone was to blame it was him. He just had to lash out at someone and that someone was her.
On the other end of town, by the pier, Brady was sitting on a bench looking over the water. His eyes were brimming with tears… he felt lost.
“I’m not going home, not ever again!” he yelled over the water surface, his hands balled in little fists, his knuckles white from squeezing.
He had no idea what to do or where to go. His world was in shambles, he had lost his mom and in a way his dad. Then this amazing lady came into their lives and he felt happy again. He could feel this inexplicable bond between his dad and Marlena which he couldn’t describe. He was too little to know it was the undeniable chemistry between them. All he knew was that they connected and it gave him hope again.
He just couldn’t understand where it went wrong.
He didn’t care anymore, he vowed never to go home again. He would make his own home, in his own little world.
He was jerked out of his thoughts when he heard a car coming near, he would recognise that sound anywhere, it was his dad’s Jeep. Brady grabbed his backpack and ran away, trying to hide behind some crates. He was successful.
John hadn’t seen him and slowly drove further along the pier.
Brady stayed behind the crates for a while longer before trying to find a better place to hide. He had to figure out what to do and where to go.
Marlena had gone to Salem Place, hoping she would find him in a shop or snack bar even a play hall… anywhere! She had already searched all playgrounds she could think off but no luck in finding him. Every second John’s harsh words came to mind. She knew he just had to lash out at someone but in a way she did feel responsible for the boy running away and his words hurt. They cut like knives. She should have known better than to get involved with John. That was asking for trouble, more trouble than this little boy deserved or needed. She kept searching like mad to find him to ensure his safety . She would never be able to forgive herself if anything happened to him.
Both John and Marlena were still searching frantically for Brady… so far without luck. Marlena was still at Salem Place, frenetically clutching strangers, seemingly incoherent in her attempts to provide a description of her lost little boy. In her haste and desperation she wasn’t watching where she was going as she bumped into John. For a moment, time stood still as they just looked at each other, the pain, worry and heartache evident in their eyes, both secretly wanting to be held and comforted; reassured that Brady was going to be ok. But yet again, their true feelings were brushed aside in fear of getting hurt. John cleared his throat in an attempt to rid his tone of voice of any sign that could be construed as that of vulnerability. Composing himself, he angrily spat out,
“I see you haven’t found him yet either.” It came out a little harsher than he had intended and he felt instantly contrite as he saw her flinch. Marlena was none the wiser to his reaction and compounded by the guilt she already felt, she took it for what she believed it was… blame.
Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy from the endless tears she had shed and she could feel them burning as tears threatened to spill over once more. “No, I’m sorry. I’ve been at the park, the playgrounds, even the play hall, but I can’t find him anywhere.” She averted his gaze and glanced at her shoes, unable to look him in the eye and witness his pain and anger; anger that she believed was aimed at her.
“I’ve tried to call every friend of his that I could think of. He wasn’t with any of them. I have searched high and low, and still nothing!” His last sentence came out almost inaudibly as he didn’t even want to contemplate the possibility. Putting it into words made it seem all the more real. “Maybe he hitched a ride out of town.”
“I don’t think so John. Who would take such a small boy? Anyone in their right mind would be suspicious. They wouldn’t help him. They would try to ascertain what was wrong and would probably take him to the police station.”
“Yeah anyone in their “right mind”, but what if some kind of psycho has found him? He’s just a little boy Marlena, he can’t judge people.”
“I know but give him some credit, he’s a smart boy. Even though he was mad when he ran away, he isn’t stupid. He wouldn’t be so foolish to go hitchhiking. Besides, even if he did, where would he go? Everything and everyone he knows is right here in Salem, right?”
“Will you quit being so… so… damn logical?! ? This is a child we’re talking about; a small kid!! He was angry; angry enough to do just about anything. So instead of playing psychologist with me, start looking for him again. If it weren’t for you he would….” He knew how wrong he was the moment it began to spill forth. He stopped abruptly and swallowed hard. Instead of apologising, he turned around and walked away, leaving her standing there, stunned, consumed with guilt and above all, hurt beyond belief. As much as one look from John could simply melt her in the past, now he left her chilled to the bone.
She tried to compose herself. This was no time to wallow in self-pity. She wrapped her coat a little tighter around her in a poor attempt to thwart any plans of the mind-numbingly cold weather from freezing her to death. Too bad she couldn’t yet put up a wall to prevent John from doing the same. So she continued to search as the words John left unspoken, haunted her.
John tried to shake the guilt he felt for hurting her. He walked rapidly through the streets of Salem with his phone in one hand and address book in the other. This way he could call anyone in the book and keep searching on the streets himself. The past few months or rather years flashed before his eyes. Izzy dying, the devastating months after that… and Marlena… there always was Marlena. No matter where he went or what he did, since he had laid eyes on her she hadn’t left his thoughts or his dreams. He wondered how it had come this far. He knew he was to blame. He wasn’t willing to open up his heart to let her in, and yet she did not need his permission. From the moment he saw her his heart had began to live again, it had let her in of its own accord only to never let her go again.
All of the sudden he saw a little boy with a familiar backpack walking out of Salem Place, towards the streets. He was so guilt ridden that he had to look twice before he realised it was Brady. John started to call him but the boy didn’t react so he increased his speed, trying to catch up with him. It didn’t take him long. Just before he could cross the street John grabbed his arm. “Brady!!” he exclaimed almost out of breath, “God son, I’m so glad I’ve found you.” He pulled the boy against him but Brady fought to be free of his father’s strong arms.
“Let me go!” He yelled angrily.
John released the firm grip he had on Brady and looked at him, still not believing he had found him safe and sound. Brady didn’t look John in the eyes but his demeanour spoke volumes about the anger he was feeling.
“Don’t ever run away again you hear?!” The pent up tension, guilt and worry were flooding out of John now too. He wanted to hug the boy, tell him everything would be just fine but instead his anger and frustration took over so he yelled at him.
“We were worried sick about you.”
“We?” Brady asked still mad in a sarcastic tone of voice.
“Yes we.” John hesitated for a second, “Chelsea, Marlena and I.”
Brady snorted. “Don’t give me that attitude young man! We are going home and have a firm talk.”
“No!! I won’t come with you. I don’t want to go… home.” Brady’s momentary hesitation at the use of the word home was very telling. He no longer felt it was his home. John couldn’t blame him. Sure, it was a house but it was far off from being a home.
“You are coming with me, end of story.”
“No, I’m never going to go there ever again! You don’t love me, no one does. Mum didn’t love me or she would still be here, Marlena doesn’t love me or she would have never left me alone with YOU!”
“Brady…” before John could utter one more word Brady had taken off again, crossing the street. He wanted to grab the boy but was startled by the screaming voice behind him. Brady too was momentarily distracted as he heard her voice again. He looked back to see her, the woman he had grown so close to. “She really does care,” he thought. Before Brady even had time to relish in the fact, the screeching sound of tyres had him doing a double take and he screamed his little lungs out as the car came careening towards him. For but a second it was as if time stood still and in that one moment, all sensation and all movement was heightened. Time seemed to last forever, the sounds were deafening, all movement was exaggeratedly slow and the overwhelming fear that consumed John and Marlena’s hearts was palpable.
The horror registered on both their faces as the little boy was thrust into the air at what seemed an agonisingly slow pace in their state of shock. As soon as realisation hit, Brady was smashed to the ground at break neck speed which seemed to be synchronized with Marlena’s gut wrenching scream. Before John could fully comprehend what was happening, Marlena was by Brady’s side. The boy was laying helpless and almost lifeless on the road. With her eyes wide she looked at John who was in shock.
“John, DO something, call an ambulance!”
John was immobile. He was in shock and hadn’t heard a word she had said. Everything was a blur around him and the constant babble coming from the bystanders, who appeared as it seemed from out of nowhere seemed to be confusing him more. Luckily Marlena had already appointed one of them to call 911 and help was on it’s way. She checked for vitals but her hands were shaking so much she couldn’t be sure if his heartbeat was steady or not. It was obvious that both Brady’s legs were broken from the position they were in. He also had a severe head wound. Blood was pouring out in little streams. She could think clear enough to know he shouldn’t be moved and that she had to put pressure on the wound.
A few minutes later the ambulance arrived and the paramedics took over. John was slowly coming to his senses but he still he couldn’t comprehend what had happened.
Marlena was now standing right in front of his face but he was spaced out, he looked right through her. “John?” she said softly. The fact that he was so out of it had shocked her into action. He needed her. Brady was taken care of for now and all they could do was pray, John needed her the most right now.
“John,” she persisted more firmly this time, determined to get through to him . “Come on honey, look at me.”
John looked at her, his eyes filled with shock and disbelief, trying to find some security in her eyes, hoping she would say this was all a nightmare and he had to wake up now. But she didn’t, he wasn’t, this was reality, a cruel reality.
“This can’t be happening,” he whispered.
“Excuse me sir, ma’am, we’ve stabilised him enough to transport him to a hospital. Will you be following us in your own car? One of you can have a ride with us if you want but you have to decide now, we really need to get going with him.”
John looked right through him. Marlena answered for the both of them. “No you go ahead and do everything in your power for him, we will take my car and come to the hospital right after you.”
He didn’t waste a second and with blaring sirens they took off.
“John come on, we have to get to the hospital.”
“Yeah, uh…yeah.. okay…” Marlena was already glad she got a response and got him moving. They hurried to her car and drove off in mad speed towards the hospital, afraid what would be awaiting for them there.
Whilst at the hospital John had regained his composure, somewhat. Reality had reared its ugly head. He could lose his baby boy. He watched Marlena, as she tried to find out at the desk where they had taken Brady. He had to admire her for her strength. He had completely lost it when he saw his son’s limp body laying on the asphalt all bruised and battered but she was able to keep her calm. If it wasn’t for her he wouldn’t have known what to do. All he had to do was follow her lead.
Marlena was informed that they had taken Brady to the emergency room on order to be examined. She slowly walked over to John. Her heart broke for him when she saw his expression. He looked lost and was evidently sick with worry but she caught a glimpse of fire blazing in his eyes. She expected the cause of that fire to be the anger he felt towards her; after all she was to blame for all of this, wasn’t she? She gave a deep sigh and prepared herself for another one of John’s tirades. She knew he was as hurting as was she so she would let him have his say; she knew what was coming.
“They took him to an emergency room John, we can’t get to him just yet, but I’m sure he is in good hands. Try not to worry too much,” she said almost inaudibly.
John nodded.
“Well here it comes,” she thought as she braced herself.
Much to her surprise, “Thank you,” was the response she got. His eyes still had a spark in them but they had softened a little. Still, she mistook the spark of hope for anger.
John saw the questioning in her eyes and knew he had to explain. Her reaction told him she had expected him to at least blame her for it again. His heart sunk. He realized he had been unreasonable, he had needed to lash out at someone and she was an easy target. He needed to set things straight.
“Can we go to the balcony? I have to talk to you,” he asked.
Without answering she followed his lead. Once on the balcony the deafening silence seemed to last an eternity. John knew he had to be the first to break the tension, but he didn’t know where to begin. He turned around and looked her in the eyes. She was fighting her tears. It was then that he realised that she too was putting up a strong front; she too was hurting as much as he was; she too loved that little boy as though he were her own and she too feared for his life.
“I’m so sorry, Marlena.” That was all it took and her tears began their endless stream down her beautiful face. He took her hands within his own and looked deep into her eyes, hoping to convey his sincerity. “I know I have been more than unfair to you,” he continued, “ I didn’t realize it at first, I needed to lash out and… well there you were. It’s no excuse, I know. I didn’t mean it when I yelled at you, I didn’t mean to blame you for all that happened. God knows I had my share in it. Can you please forgive me?”
Again, there was that painful silence.
“Look Doc, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me but even if you can’t I want you to know that I understand. I’m already glad that you have taken the time to listen to me; I know I didn’t even deserve that. But the fact is, Brady needs you, I need you, Doc. I hope to God that you will stay with us to help us. I don’t know what to do with Brady… with myself, if you aren’t there to help us; to guide us.”
Before Marlena could utter one word they got interrupted by a nurse.
“Excuse me, I thought I would let you know you can see your son now, but before you do, the doctor wants to talk to you.”
They both walked in, with trepidation. John squeezed her hand, not willing to let go; needing her strength but Marlena pulled it free. John looked at her but before he could ascertain why she pulled away from him, the doctor came straight at them.
“How is he?”
The doctor gave a slight nod towards Marlena before he addressed John.
“Given the circumstances he’s doing okay.”
The doctor had a serious look on his face so his words did little to reassure John about the wellbeing of his son.
“That’s an answer that means shit, Doc. Just tell me what exactly the circumstances are that you’re talking about. Can I see him? Is he conscious? Did he break anything? What?” John almost yelled out of breath.
The doctor laid his hand on John’s arm to get him to calm down but John jerked his arm away. The doctor nodded again and decided to finally get them informed.
“He’s still unconscious but not in a coma. He did fracture his left arm and we stumbled upon one other problem that concerns us more.”
“What is it?” john asked, running out of patience.
“There’s swelling on his spine. It takes some time for the swelling to go away. He has no reflexes in his legs. The swelling has to go down soon, if not… well there is no telling what happens then.”
“Are you telling me he’s paralyzed? Will he stay that way?”
“Like I said, there is no telling what will happen. For now he has no feeling in his legs. We have to test him when he wakes up to see to where he is paralyzed. It could be just his legs but in a worse case he can be paralyzed up to the chest or even neck. If the swelling goes down within the next 24 hours there’s a good chance he will be able to walk again and get full use of his body. The risk is that the swelling has done too much damage and in that case he will stay paralyzed for the rest of his life. There’s nothing much we can do for now. First he has to wake up.”
John rubbed his forehead, trying to absorb all the information given to him. He was filled with all kinds of questions but as it were he could not form a coherent thought. He was too shaken up. All he wanted was to see his son, to hold his son.
“Can I see him now?” he said with a hoarse voice.
“Yes you can. Try to talk to him as much as you can. Try to sound as if everything is okay. We will have the best chance for him to wake up that way. He is in ICU2, just down the hall.”
John didn’t wait to thank the doctor and headed down the hall to his little boy. Marlena said a quick thank you to the doctor and hurried after John. The doctor gestured towards John, telling her to go after him.
Marlena caught up with John in front the door to Brady’s room. He was staring at the boy through the little window in the door. She could feel his fear. He was as scared as she was to enter the room. His accusations towards her and the blame; all that guilt was coming back to haunt him now. She didn’t know what to do so she opened the door without a word, afraid to make things worse. She walked over to the bed; John remained in the doorway. When Marlena was beside Brady, she looked at John and without a word she encouraged him to come in. He did.
Slowly he walked in the room, closing the door behind him. With little steps he walked up to the bed. There he was, his little boy, looking so fragile and broken in that huge hospital bed. Silent tears started rolling down John’s cheeks. His lip trembled. They both sat down on a chair next to the bed, across from each other.
John gently took his son’s hand and slightly squeezed it. “Hey Brady, it’s dad. You got me worried there for a minute son, but everything will be okay. We will have you up and running in no time and…”
John just realized what he had said when the words came out of his mouth. A big lump formed in his throat. He couldn’t promise the boy that. They didn’t even know if he would be able to walk again, let alone run
Marlena looked at him and saw how defeated he was, she couldn’t fight her tears any longer either. She reached over the bed and took John’s hand, which still was holding Brady’s, and encouraged him with a squeeze. With his free hand John swiped his tears away, coughed to clear his throat and found renewed courage to speak again.
“Marlena is here too slugger. She too has been worried sick. I know we both handled everything the wrong way but you have to know we will make things better. You have to trust us about that. But in order to do that, you have to open your eyes son. Open your eyes and come back to us.”
Again John got overwhelmed with emotion and was incapable of speaking. Marlena rubbed with her thumb over both Brady and John’s hand and took over.
“Hey Brady. Your dad is right; you gave us quite a scare. But don’t you worry about a thing okay? Your dad and I are here to help you. From now on we will deal with everything together. The three of us will make things all better.” While saying this to Brady, she looked at John. This was her way to let him know all was forgiven and they had to move forward. John stared right back at her and gave her a faint smile. His heart leaped. If he wasn’t worried sick about his son, he would have jumped over the bed, taken her in his arms and told her how much he loved her. But he didn’t. Instead he just smiled and squeezed her hand as a token of appreciation. Both were so consumed with each other that they didn’t notice Brady opening his eyes.
“Dad?” asked a faint voice.
Both Marlena and John looked at him, smiling and crying happy tears.
“Oh my god, Brady!! You’re awake!! Welcome back son.” John kissed him on the forehead.
“Easy dad, I have a terrible headache.”
Both john and Marlena began to laugh at this comment.
“I bet you have slugger. But if you think you’re in bad shape, wait until you see the car you ran into, I bet it is a total loss.” He kidded. Brady smiled.
Marlena stood up. “I will go get the doctor and tell him you’re awake.”
“Will you be back?” Brady asked.
“Of course I will. I promise you that nothing can keep me away from you ever again.”
She looked at John, letting him know that she meant it. No matter what happens between the two of them she would be there for Brady for as long as he needed her.
The Jarlena Journal 