There’s two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven, and she’s Daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life, oh but most of all…
Belle is anything and everything a father could ask for in a daughter. The day she was born was bittersweet for me, it was the best day of my life and consequently the worst day of my life. It was a blessing to witness the birth of such a fragile and innocent creature, but it was a curse to sit there, cradling her in my arms, believing she wasn’t mine to love. The instant I heard her loud cry, and felt her fingers instinctively curl around my thumb as if she knew the truth, my heart surged and I cursed God that she wasn’t a part of me, a part of my heart.
The day I learned the truth I was elated, it made all of those feelings I had stored away in my heart for her seem right. I always thought it was selfish of me to love her as if she was my own, all others be damned. I just couldn’t help how I felt and I didn’t want to help it, so when the truth was revealed to me I knew that those feelings were my way of bonding with my daughter spiritually, cosmically, prolifically.
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk beside the pony Daddy, it’s my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy, but I sure tried
Oh with all that I’ve done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.
Sweet sixteen today
She’s looking like her Mama, a little more everyday.
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls.
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember…
Watching her go from a wide eyed, freckled face little girl to a woman practically overnight sent my heart sinking. Growing up meant no more bedtime stories, no more piggy back rides, no more tickle fights, no more water balloon fights, no more boo boos to kiss and make all better. Growing up meant exasperated sighs, lengthy phone bills, miniskirts and bikinis, boys and dating, cocky attitudes and know-it-all remarks. But amid all of that confusion and chaoes, she never let more than a day or so go by without giving me a hug or a smile and simply saying I Love You.
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
You know how much I love you Daddy, but if you don’t mind
I’m only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time.
With all that I’ve done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.
Realizing your daughter has become a rare and cherishable beauty like her mother is any father’s worst nightmare. But it happened and I managed to get through it fists clenched, teeth grinding back rebuttles, because I trusted her and believed in her to always do the right thing, anytime, anyplace. I would be a liar if I said I never reverted back to memories of her childhood and wished they had never ceased. The park was always my favorite place to be with her and the swings were her joy for as far back as I can remember. The wind would whip through her ponytail, her tiny legs would kick freely and her honey coated voice would plead “Higher Daddy, Higher!” as she giggled uncontrollably. So I would feed her need to fly, feed her need to soar like a bird, feed her need to touch the clouds with the tip of her toes, feed her need to be free like all children.
One constant, regardless of the ever changing times has been Daddy. Whether we’re laughing, or arguing, or on no-speaking terms, I am Daddy, the one man in her life she knows she can count on, without hesitation, without reservation, without fear, without trepidation. It is a role I cherish, a role I enjoy, a role I will never take lightly as long as I breathe.
All the precious time,
Oh, like the wind the years go by.
Precious butterfly,
Spread your wings and fly.
She’ll change her name today.
She’ll make a promise, and I’ll give her away.
Standing in the brideroom just staring at her
She asks me what I’m thinking, and I said I’m not sure.
I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl,
And she leaned over…
This day has always been in the back of my mind, haunting me, torturing me, teasing me. Lives are changing and roles are being reassigned. No longer will I be the man in her life to make her smile uninhibitingly, to make her feel special in every way, to make her fly higher than her dreams ever dared. Though I am happy she has found her place in another man’s heart, I will miss the thrill, the rush, the joy of being her number one. And should anything happen, I will not hesitate to fill that role once again, but I am content with being number two, because when loving Belle there are no losers.
Gave me butterfly kisses with her Mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it’s just about time.
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy?
Daddy, don’t cry.
Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong, I must of done something right.
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses,
I couldn’t ask God for more, than this is what love is.
I know I gotta let her go, but I’ll always remember…
Every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses.
I don’t know if it’s the fact that she’s my only biological daughter or the fact that she was produced out of the greatest love imaginable, but whatever the reason, my daughter continues to be the sunshine in my life, the rainbow at the end of the rainfall, the reason for it all.
The Jarlena Journal 