Breathe (Rewrite) – By Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1

June 1992

John’s world had collapsed around him a year ago. The day he’d opened his front door to find Shane Donovan and Chief Tarrington standing there with equal looks of dread, he’d known something was wrong. All he could do was be grateful for the fact that the children weren’t home when his world came crashing down. Carrie had driven the twins to school, and then driven herself to the high school. It had started as a normal day, but a few hours later, John was a broken man, with no idea who he was. He lost everything in the span of three hours, his home, his children, his family, and his job. All of it was gone, because according to the ISA, he wasn’t Roman Brady, and they had the DNA to prove it. He was back to square one, and the real Roman Brady took back everything.

    A court battle ensued, with John spending most of his savings on legal fees, while he fought to have contact with the children. He lost. Even with the support of Kim, Bo, and Kayla, he’d lost. They had tried to explain to Roman that taking the children away from the only father they’d ever known would be detrimental, especially after losing their mother four years earlier. It hadn’t changed Roman’s mind. He’d returned to Salem angry, furious really. A raging inferno that directed all of his pain and all of his trauma at John, because there was no one else he could take it out on. 

According to Roman’s attorney, John had been knowingly masquerading as Roman Brady since late May of 1986, but in truth no one knew who he really was, or even where he came from. Roman argued that John was a mercenary trained by Stefano DiMera, and he could, at any moment, be triggered. Roman used the horrors of his own trauma to back up that claim. He also argued that John was unsafe for the children to be around, and while John was vilified, Roman’s attorney turned him into a martyr. Roman was portrayed as a man who’d had his life stolen from him, by Stefano, and by John. Falsely imprisoned with only one thing to keep him alive… the hope of returning to his family. Roman had been the victim, one who came home to find a stranger playing daddy to his children, and his wife dead. John had been a co-conspirator of Stefano DiMera.

Roman had moved back into the house with the twins, and Carrie. John had moved in with Isabella. But John struggled with it all. Losing Marlena twice had almost killed him. He’d lived for Carrie and the twins. They were the steady constant in his life, and without them, he was lost again. Even with Isabella, he’d been lost. In the year since Roman’s return, John had married Isabella, and he’d held her hand as she died of cancer eight months later. If losing Marlena had destroyed him, and losing the children had made him feel lost, adding Isabella to the list of losses almost destroyed him. John was literally a man who was broken. 

Victor checked on him every few days, and encouraged him to see a therapist, but John couldn’t even think of therapy without feeling himself sink even deeper into a depressive abyss full of memories of Marlena. His first wife, the one who had died and left him behind. The one who had been the light leading him home. John tried to stay focused on the PI business Isabella and Bo had built up, doing side jobs for Bo to help him out, but the day to day part of living was incredibly difficult. The loft was dark without Isabella, and his life was even darker. All he had was the occasional visit with Carrie, the daughter who refused to give up on him. In truth, Carrie and the twins were the only reason he was still in Salem.

John slid into the booth at the diner on the far side of town, and waited for Carrie. He was a few minutes early. Meeting with her, and the rare occasions he saw the twinners was incredibly important. He’d never been completely comfortable with the way Roman forced his way back into their lives. There would be lasting effects to what they’d been through. What they had all been through, and Carrie had been the one to keep his relationship with her, Eric, and Sami alive, because Roman did his damndest to squash them.  

John looked up with a smile, when Carrie slid into the seat across from him, “Hey, Punkin’.” She seemed slightly out of breath, and as John stared at her oversized backpack, he knew why.

“Hi, Daddy,” she said, smiling back. She lugged the back pack closer to her body and rested her arm on it. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“You’re not late, besides, you know I would wait for you.” He smiled at her again, feeling so much jot at being in the same space with her. Over the noisy din of the diner, he asked her, “How’s your first semester at college going? By the way, I ordered us coffee… and I ordered you pancakes.”

“Ugh. Don’t ask. I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” she said, with a face full of disdain, glancing down at her backpack. “Do you see how big this bag is?”

“You’ll thank me later,” he told her with a grin. “I promise.”

“Maybe… I don’t know. I guess it’s okay…it’s not horrible. I just wanted to work for a year. Take a break, you know?” The reason she’d wanted to take a year off was to save money and move out of Roman’s house. Not to mention with everything that had gone on in her life over the last few years, she’d really needed a break. But she knew that in many respects John was right. Taking a break would only make it that much harder to start back up again. Glancing back at her humongous school bag, she muttered, “It wouldn’t be so bad if the textbooks didn’t weigh nearly ten pounds each.”

John reached for her hand, “Punkin’ I’m proud of you.”

“I know,” Carrie said with a shy smile. John was so great that way. He never hesitated to tell her how he was feeling, or how proud he was of what she was doing.

“How are the twinners doing?” he asked her. So many changes over the last year had hit Sami and Eric the hardest. John knew that their grades had suffered, and that Sami was having some disciplinary issues.

“Sami’s teacher has called twice this week.” Carrie sighed, “Apparently the teacher keeps all of the glue bottles in a bin on the shelf. Sami snuck in at recess, and emptied all of the bottles into the bottom of the bin, making a massive mess. She also got in trouble in PE for hitting a boy in the face with a basketball… on purpose.” Carrie looked down to where John held her hand, and she said, “She told me she did it because some boy in her class said she didn’t know who her daddy was. When he got the phone call, Roman did what he usually does. He yelled, he told her to get her act together, and then he grounded her until next week. She’s eight. I’m not sure what he expects. I don’t know why he bothers. She doesn’t care.”

“She cares,” John said softly. “We both know she does, but she’s bottling it up. Has Roman considered therapy for the twins? Kimmy said she mentioned it to him.”

“If she did, he wouldn’t tell me… but I don’t see him doing that. He’s got this idea that Sami and Eric will adjust, and it just a phase.” Carrie looked at John with tears in her eyes, and she asks him, “Was Roman always like this?”

John was surprised by the question, “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You have Roman’s memories,” she said softly. “So do you remember what he used to be like?”

It was only a matter of time before these types of questions started coming. He’d known that. “Roman was loud, blustery, stubborn… but he loved deeply. It seems that after what he went through with Stefano he has this edge to him. It’s different from what I remember. He’s–he’s not that man anymore, Carrie.”

“How did my family ever believe that you were him?” Carrie wanted to know. The man sitting across from her was so different from the father that had spontaneously returned to her life a year earlier. “You’re so different.”

John was quiet for a moment. He knew that Carrie wasn’t being accusatory or bitter. She was simply confused, and maybe he was too. He had believed, even without having a complete set of memories, that he was Roman Brady. Finally, he said, “I think the Brady’s were missing Roman… Marlena was missing Roman. I had enough memories that any other differences could be written off as character traits I developed while I had amnesia.”

“I guess,” she replied, but she still had a thoughtful look on her face. “Do you… do you ever wonder what our lives might have been like if Marlena hadn’t died, or if–if Roman had never come home?”

“Carrie…” John said carefully. They couldn’t afford to ask those types of questions, or even to think about those types of things. Marlena was gone, and the knowledge of that still ached in his chest every day. Roman had returned from the dead, and nothing was as it should have been. “I can;t think of Marlena without pain…”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It’s just that sometimes, I wish… I wish that we were a family again. I wish Marlena hadn’t died, and I wish–”

“–don’t say it, Carrie. Don’t say something that you might one day regret,” John said softly. The sadness in him ached the most in moments like these. Sami was crying out for attention, and she didn’t care how she got it, or who she got it from. Roman worked nearly 60 hours a week, often leaving the twins with Carrie or his parents. Carrie wanted to move out of Roman’s house so much, but she stayed for her siblings. Parenting the twins wasn’t at the top of his priorities, and it shouldn’t have to be Carrie’s, but it was, because Roman had made it that way. 

John often wondered why Roman had fought so hard for custody. Why he had fought so hard to keep John out of their life, but the answer was obvious. It had been because he was angry to return home, and find that his family hadn’t missed him. He was angry to learn that his family had accepted John as Roman Brady, on the word of Marlena. He was angry that his wife had lived with another man, believing it was him, and then died… and he was angry that John had raised his children for seven years. Roman stopped seeing them as family and started seeing them as possessions.

“What about Eric?” John asked her softly.

“He’s still seeing the school counselor twice a week, but the panic attacks haven’t really let up,” she whispered sadly. “He’s having nightmares, and wakes up at all hours of the night. So, I know he’s not getting enough sleep. Roman isn’t taking any of it seriously, and thinks he just needs more time to adjust. I told him… I said that the twins miss you. We all miss you, and taking you away from them was a major trauma. He basically laughed at me. He either doesn’t care… or he truly can’t see it. Instead he said, ‘You know Carrie, when you first moved in with me and Marlena you had nightmares…’.” Carrie looked at John helplessly, “He seems to think that none of that affected me at all. Dad, if it weren’t for Eric and Sami, I would have already moved out a long time ago.”

“Come here, Punkin’,” John said with a rough voice. Carrie managed to get out of the booth, and slid in beside him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, saying softly, “If I could only see them…spend some time with them the way I do with you, it might help them. I know they feel so abandoned.”

“I tell them that I see you,” Carrie whispered. “They ask about you.”

Smoothing his hand over Carrie’s long blonde hair, John tells her gently, “I don’t have any rights in this situation. My kids need me, you need me, and I can’t do a damn thing to help any of you.”

Carrie was quiet for a moment. Just as the idea came to her, she sat up quickly, staring at John with wide eyes, “What if you could see them? Spend some time with them… and me?” Her next words tumbled out in a rush, “Roman has a stake-out tomorrow night. You could come to the house. He’s leaving around 5 o’clock, and he said he’ll be home Saturday around noon. He won’t be home, and we could spend time together, like we used to.”

John watched her carefully, his heart rate increasing, as the hope inside him rose up inside him. Spending time with the three of them sounded amazing, but he was still wary. “Carrie, what are you saying?”

“I was just planning to stay home with the twins and watch a movie. Maybe pop some popcorn. If you happened to come by…” She smiled at him slyly, “If you happened to come by with a pizza or two… you could surprise the twins. They would love to see you.”

“Carrie, I don’t know…” John knew that risking it was a dangerous thing. Roman had a restraining order on John being anywhere near the house, but the draw of spending time with his kids was too much. Just the thought seemed to lift some of the achiness from his chest.

“I’m sick of this, Daddy. I’m sick of it all. They haven’t seen you in a year, except in passing. They aren’t adjusting! They aren’t getting any better!” she said in frustration. 

Their food arrived, and John took a drink of his coffee while watching Carrie move back to the other side of the booth. As she tucked into her pancakes, he considered her suggestion. Spending time with her and the twins was worth anything, even the potential of breaking a restraining order. 

Carrie finished her food as fast as she could, since her first class of the day was at 9:15. Glancing at her watch she said, “I’ve got to get to this English lit class I’m taking. We’re doing an in depth study of Pride and Prejudice.” As she slid her body out of the booth, and bent over to kiss John on the cheek, she whispered, “Tomorrow night. We’ll be home… and he won’t. Think about it.”

Watching Carrie leave the diner, John knew that’s all he’d do for the next twenty four hours. He also knew that even though he told himself that he would stay away, he would go. He would show up with two large pizzas, and a box of brownie mix. He would bring the movie Princess Bride because it was the twins favorite, and he would bring a 2-liter of Coca-Cola because Carrie loved it. Even though he should stay away, the hounds of hell wouldn’t be able to stop him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John parked his car two blocks away, and decided to go through the back yard just in case. He wasn’t supposed to be there and the last thing he wanted to do was draw the attention of the neighbors. Alice and Tom wouldn’t say anything if they saw him there, but the Browns, and possibly the Miltons might. He knocked on the back door and waited. He glanced around, glad that the sun was going down, and that Roman hadn’t trimmed the hedges in awhile. 

John smiled to himself when he heard Sami and Eric’s voices, yelling at Carrie about someone knocking at the wrong door. Just the sound of their voices, loud and raucous, made him so happy. He’d missed the sound of them so much. He assumed Carrie would know it was him, even though he hadn’t given Carrie an affirmative answer about whether he would be coming or not. Still he waited, hoping his visit would still work out. The door was flung open with force by the small whirlwind that was Sami. She stood transfixed, staring up at him, her blue eyes wide in her small face, while Carrie and Eric brought up the rear. Eric stopped short, looking at him as if he were unsure of how to react. But ultimately, it was Carrie who set the tone. She had the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her, as she whispered, “Hi, Daddy.”

That was all the twins needed to hear. No other words were spoken, but when Sami threw her small body against John he heard her soft cry. She hit him so hard he felt the air whoosh from his lungs. Handing the pizzas and the plastic shopping bag to Carrie, he scooped Sami up, stepping over the threshold of the back door. Sliding to the floor with her, while she sobbed scorching tears into his neck, John rubbed his large palm over her hair and her face softly. Eric climbed into his lap from the other side, saying softly, “Daddy.”

John looked up at Carrie, watching as she set the pizzas on the table, and put the shopping bag on the floor. She had been forced to grow up way too soon. She closed the back door quietly and then glanced over at him, and he whispered, “Thank you.”

Sitting on the floor next to them, Carrie rested her head on John’s shoulder, “We missed you.”

“You don’t know how much I missed you guys. So much,” he said in a choked voice.

They were on the floor for nearly twenty minutes. A cuddled group of individuals who simply took joy in each other’s space. John gently rubbed their little backs, and held them close to him, smelling their child-like scent, while they continued to cry softly. He enjoyed the feel of Carrie’s arm wrapped around his bicep. The twins’ cries became gentle hiccups, and John noticed that Eric’s small hand had twisted in the cotton of his t-shirt, as if letting go would mean that John would disappear again forever. Eventually Sami looked up at John with swollen eyes, eyes so blue they reminded him of a clear summer sky. “I missed you so much, Daddy. I missed you every day. Every, every, every, day.” Her repetition of words reminded him so much of Marlena, and how could that be when Marlena had been gone since Sami was barely two years old? 

Eric simply stared at him, looking much older than his seven years. Continuing to hold onto John’s blue t-shirt as if he were afraid to let go, he didn’t even have the words for how happy, and how scared he was. 

John rubbed his hand over Eric’s face, and Eric started crying again. 

John said softly, “I missed you both so much. I miss you every day, too. Every single day.” His heart ached. Losing Marlena, and losing his children had been excruciating, but at least he’d had Isabella, until, in February, he’d lost her too. It had been a hard road to come back from. This was the happiest he’d felt in months. “G-d how I missed you guys.”

Eric was confused. He was scared and confused, but he knew that with his daddy, he could ask anything. His small fist clung even tighter to his daddy’s shirt. He smelled like spice and leather and shampoo, and that made him feel better. So, when Eric finally spoke, he inquired in a wavering voice, “If you missed us, how come you never came to see us?”

“Eric,” Carrie said, reaching for her little brother’s hand. “Do you remember? What I told you? The other day? Daddy’s not allowed to come to the house. A judge said so. He’s not supposed to be here… the police could arrest him.”

“But he’s here now,” Eric said quietly, looking at John again as if he was ready to start crying all over again. “Why did you come here now, if you’re not supposed to be here?”

“Sometimes, if something is really important to us, we do things we’re not supposed to do… and I’m not supposed to be here, Slugger. But being here, being with you is really important to me. But Carrie is right, if I get caught I’ll be in trouble,” John said, smoothing his hand over the boy’s blonde hair. With a teasing smile, he held Eric close and whispered, “But it would be worth it. Seeing you kids would make it all worth it.”

“You’d get arrested just to see us, Daddy?” Sami asked him, genuinely curious. She was surprised, because her daddy used to arrest bad guys. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was a good guy. “You could get arrested even if you’re a good guy?”

John sighed softly, not wanting to scare her, but also feeling as if she deserved some version of the truth. She didn’t need to know how absolutely complicated their situation was, but she deserved some modicum of how things really were. “Some people think I could be a bad guy,” he said teasingly. He pinched her chin with a big smile, “But we all know I’m not. Am I scary?” John made a fierce face and stuck his tongue out. 

The twins laughed, with Sami screeching, “No!” as John gripped them both about the waist, and lifted them as he got to his feet.

“Now,” he said, setting them on their feet and looking at them with wide excited eyes. “Someone told me there would be a movie and popcorn, and we all know I love popcorn… but first pizza!” John said.

“Pizza!” Sami and Eric screamed in unison.

John reached for Carrie, giving her a big hug, and asked, “How you doing, Punkin’ girl?”

“Do I look that tired?” she laughed. “I had an early class this morning, but Eric also had another nightmare last night. I’ll catch up on sleep tonight.”

John wanted to ask why the hell Roman couldn’t get his ass out of bed to comfort Eric, but he already knew the answer. Roman could, but he didn’t, and Carrie wouldn’t let her brother cry and suffer. “I’ll tell you what,” he whispered in her ear. “I’ll stay until we get them to sleep, and help you out.”

Carrie brightened, “Would you? That would be so much help. I love them, but they don’t take me seriously at all.”

“I’ll talk to them about the importance of listening to you as well,” he said, giving Eric side-eye. Eric looked away quickly, but John saw the guilt on his face. He also saw Eric whisper something to Sami, and then she glanced at him… again deciding it was better to look away then deal with her daddy right then. 

John supervised getting pizza for Eric and Sami, and smiled when he saw Carrie pour herself a rather large glass of Coca-Cola. As they sat around the table, John felt a tight squeeze and ache in his chest. It was a feeling he usually carried with him, but this time it was joy, instead of melancholy. He wiped at his eye, brushing away tears, and he found himself smiling as his food got cold.

“Eat Dad, or Sami will eat it,” Carrie joked. 

Sami shrugged, “She’s right. I might eat it.”

John couldn’t help asking her, “And where does all that pizza go, Peanut?”

“To my brain,” she said. “My teacher says I got a big brain, cause I use hundred dollar words.”

“You have a big brain,” Carrie corrected, and for the second time that night, John was reminded of Marlena. 

Eric rolled his eyes, but still Sami said, “I have a big brain.”

“Hundred dollar words? What type of words are hundred dollar words?” John waited for her answer.

“Well,” she said, thinking hard. “A hundred dollar word is a word like portrait.”

“Yeah, and a word like furious,” Eric said, joining in. 

John leaned back, chewing his pizza and swallowing it before he asked his next question. “And who is the genius who teaches you hundred dollar words?”

“Mostly Carrie, but sometimes Aunt Kim… or Aunt Kayla… Uncle Abe too!” Eric told John.

People that John missed so much he rarely allowed himself time to think about them. He swallowed thickly, laying his crust on Carrie’s plate, because he knew she would want it. “Are we ready for the movie?”

Sami’s eyes got big, hoping against hope that her Daddy had brought her favorite movie. Her voice barely contained her excitement when she asked, “Did you bring it?”

Carrie sat up straight, knowing by the look in her Dad’s eyes which movie he had brought. She cried out, “Dad! No! Please tell me you didn’t bring–”

John held up the VHS tape like it was a trophy, and said loudly, as if he were a radio announcer, “–Princess Bride!”

With a loud groan, Carrie stood up, and started collecting dinner plates. “Dad, really?”

“That’s a fact,” he said, standing up with a laugh. He saw Carrie trying to hold back a grin, and he leaned closer, saying loudly, “My name is Inigo Montoya.”

“You killed my father!” Eric yelled, jumping from his chair.

“Prepare to die!” Sami screamed, getting down from the table.

“They’re going to be saying inconceivable for the next week,” Carrie laughed, pulling two Jiffy Pop’s from the pantry.

“Ya gotta make extra Carrie.” Sami pointed at John, “Cause otherwise we won’t get none.”

“Are you less than subtly suggesting that I might eat all of the popcorn, Samantha Gene?” John asked, in mock shock. The twins laughed again, as John marveled over how much they had grown in the last year. They would be eight in October, and Eric was at least two inches taller than Sami now. Holding out the empty pizza box, he told the twins, “Help me finish cleaning up while your sister is in charge of the popcorn. Sami, run this out to the garbage can. Eric grab the cups, and finish loading the dishwasher.” John turned and found Carrie watching him, as he opened the refrigerator and put the soda inside.

“I miss you, Dad. I miss having you around here so much,” she said.

John was about to reply, but the back door flew open, slamming into the wall, and Sami stood there sheepishly, “Sorry.”

“Roman’s gonna get more mad if you keep doing that, Sami.” Eric stood near the dishwasher looking at his sister with a frown. But even as Eric was aiming his disapproval at Sami, John sensed something else lying beneath it all. Anxiety. Eric was scared.

“Hey,” John said jovially, trying to break the tension in the room. “Don’t we have a movie to watch?”

And they did. The twins and Carrie were glued to his side for the rest of the evening. Throughout the movie he had Eric curled into one side, and Sami curled into the other, while Carrie sat on the floor near his legs, with her head resting on his knee. Eric would randomly yell, “Inconceivable!” while Sami laughed out loud saying “R.O.U.S’s!” It was as if they were a family again.

The depression that he had been living in for the last year cleared a little. He enjoyed the warmth of their small bodies around him, or the way Sami would jump and grab onto him when giant rodents popped out. He loved sharing those knowing glances with Carrie, when Eric asked, “What’s putrescence?” 

“That, Eric, is a million dollar word,” John had replied. “It means rotten or rotting.”

Eric had settled his head back against John’s shoulder, and muttered, “Well, that’s not very nice to say to Buttercup.”

John felt his spirits rise, and he simply enjoyed the time he had with them, because he knew it would be over too soon. Much too soon.

The time was well after midnight when he finished helping Carrie tuck the twins into their beds. It was bittersweet to be reading bedtime stories, and kissing them on the foreheads. If he closed his eyes he could try to imagine that everything that had happened to him over the last year had all been a horrible dream, but the sad look in Carrie’s eyes as she watched him told him otherwise. 

Taking Carrie’s small hand in his larger one, John walked Carrie to her bedroom, tucking her into her bed as well, even though she insisted she was too old. At eighteen years old, she probably was too old, but she would forever be his little girl. After kissing her cheek, he knelt beside her bed, and said quietly, “Thank you… for inviting me over, and for… for still loving me. You’re growing into such a kind and gentle young woman, and I think… well, I really needed tonight.”

“Sami and Eric needed tonight, Dad. I did too,” she said, rolling to face him. “Sometimes, with Marlena gone, and Roman… so angry. It’s lonely. Me, Eric, and Sami, we feel alone, even when we’re not. Tonight was a reminder of how great it used to be, and we don’t want to forget that. I don’t want Eric and Sami to forget that. You know?”

“I do.” John kissed Carrie’s forehead, before standing up. “I’ll let myself out the backdoor. I love you, Punkin’ girl.”

Carrie smiled, her eyes already holding the look of heavy sleep, “I love you too, Dad.”

John closed the door to her room softly. The house was quiet except for the soft tread of his sneakers across the carpet. At the end of the hall, he stopped, taking a deep breath. He rested his forehead against the wall, and took several more. The mere act of leaving the house was causing him physical pain. He wanted to rage and scream that they were his children and his family, but he couldn’t, because in truth, as much as he wanted them to be, they weren’t. Taking the stairs one at a time, John descended, coming to stand near the console table Roman had at the back of the couch. He needed to leave, and yet something seemed to be telling him to wait. Turning to go towards the kitchen, he felt it again. Wait. 

“John Black, I never took you for superstitious or crazy,” he mumbled to himself. 

He was preparing to exit the house, when the telephone rang. John stared at it, and again, he thought he heard a silent voice telling him “Wait.” Taking another deep breath, he waited, letting the answering machine pick up. He should have left, but he didn’t. He didn’t know why. He stood, immobile, and he listened for the shrill beep that had always annoyed him. Silence. And then, a soft voice, “Roman?”

His heart stopped, it stuttered, and then it picked up at three times the normal rate. That voice. That voice. No. It couldn’t be. But then again, he heard her say in the softest whisper, “Roman… it’s Marlena.”

His mind fought to tell him that it couldn’t be her, but he knew that voice. His heart was slamming in his chest, and he felt as if he were choking in his effort to pull air into his lungs. It was her. It was Marlena. No one else had that voice. It pulled at his soul, it brought him back from the depths of his own despair, and even though he hadn’t heard it in over five years… he knew. Snatching up the telephone, John was barely able to rasp out, “Marlena?”

“Roman… I’m—Stefano has us. He has us!” she said quickly, her voice whispering, even as it rose in panic. She knew her voice was wavering, but just hearing Roman say her name had her whole body trembling.

“Doc?” he said. He needed to hear her voice. He wanted her to keep talking. It was a balm to his destroyed soul. “Doc is it really—is it really you?”

She glanced around the dark room, making sure she wouldn’t be found out. “I have to hurry. If he finds me… he might separate us…”

At first he was confused by her use of the word us, but then he realized that she must not be alone. Someone else must be with her. “Doc, who’s with you?” John asked, finally finding his voice.

“Hope is with me,” she said softly. “Hope and… our son. Your son.”

John felt as if he would pass out with the emotion coursing through his body. Hope was alive, and there was a child? His child. A son. “Hope? Our son? Doc, where are you?” he asked her with rising desperation.

“I heard someone say San Cristobal, but it’s nothing but jungle here. The servants… they speak Spanish. Hope is sick, but there’s no cause… except, she wants Bo… and her son. She’s very depressed, and it’s affecting her health. She misses her child. She says her son is the same age as Abraham.”

“You call him Abraham?” John said with tears in his voice. A little boy named Abraham. His little boy. Their little boy. He was still reeling, but it was combined with a growing sense of helplessness. How was he going to get them back safely?

“Yes… but, most of the time, I call him Avi… he—he…” her voice trailed off, and then she said, “Can you please find us? Please can you find a way to find us, and bring us home? Hope is just getting worse, and Stefano is… he’s a mad man.” She didn’t have the heart to tell Roman what Stefano really was. Not over the telephone.

His voice choked, as he promised her, “Doc, I swear, I will bring you home or die trying.”

She sobbed into the phone, a sound of relief, and overwhelming sadness. He knew immediately that getting them home was dire. Marlena cried softly, saying, “I have to go, Roman. I can’t be caught. I have to go… I love you, Roman. I love you with my whole heart.”

“I love you, Doc, and I promise… I fucking swear on my life… I will find you…” he said. Even after she hung up, and he felt hot tears streaming down his face, he said, “I love you, and I will find you.”

Chapter 2

John was waiting in Abe’s office the following morning at 8:00 am. The night before, he had called the station, desperate to find out where Roman was. None of it mattered. Even though he had been a cop, and worked there for five years. In only one year, Roman had destroyed whatever trust the people there might have had for him. No one would help John. They wouldn’t even reach out to tell Roman there was a family emergency. John had refused to leave, planting himself in Abe’s office instead. Sleeping in a hard wooden chair was not his idea of a good night’s sleep, but he absolutely refused to leave. That was where he still waited.

Nearly two-thirds of Salem saw John as someone who couldn’t be trusted. The imposter who had lived as Roman Brady for five years. He knew from their stares, and their whispered comments that they wondered if he had known all along that he wasn’t Roman. Afterall, Roman had led them to believe that John had been a significant player in Stefano DiMera’s machinations. It was easier to believe that John participated than it was to believe he’d been a brainwashed, amnesiac, that was completely unaware. People preferred distrust to believing the fantastical. They worried that what Roman said was true, a secret trigger existed within John, and if it was switched, he would turn to violence, possibly murder. The Spectator had covered every angle, and mothers pulled their children away from him in public. He had lost the war of public opinion, and he had lost nearly everyone he’d loved. Even Abe kept him at arm’s length, unsure of where they stood. The worst part of it was, John didn’t even blame them.

He had hoped that Roman’s anger and distrust would abate over time. It hadn’t. Instead, Roman had threatened Caroline and Shawn if they spoke with John, or kept him in their lives. Roman told them he would take away their access to the twins, and he forbade them contact if they continued to have a relationship with John. So, like everyone else, they cut John out. He didn’t blame them either. The twins needed consistency, and that meant they needed their grandparents, and their aunts and uncles. John stepped away. Shawn and Caroline had to focus on the twins, and he wasn’t family. Bo, Kayla, and Kimberly, still reached out to him, but it was all very secretive, and Roman had no idea. John didn’t blame any of the Brady’s, truthfully, but it was a lonely existence. Roman had isolated him completely, and seemed to revel in it. 

During the custody trial Roman had refused to allow his family contact with the twins or Carrie, simply because they tried to get him to understand that John was not going to harm anyone. Kimberly tried to explain to Roman that taking the children, especially the twins, away from John could create severe trauma and lifelong abandonment issues. It didn’t change anything. Roman saw his children as possessions. He saw them as malleable pieces of clay that would form and mold to whatever situation he created. Carrie rebelled, while the twins started acting out. Roman had even gone so far as to take Carrie’s driver’s license, because he didn’t trust her to stay away from John. 

John knew that Roman’s fear of him being a mercenary was only a small part of it. It was a founded concern, but since John had beaten the pagoda trigger with Kim and Diana’s help years earlier, he didn’t feel it was a real concern. It was simply another excuse thrown up like a road block by Roman Brady to keep John away from the children. Roman was driven by his hatred, rage, and jealousy of John. Whether he admitted it or not. The root of Roman’s anger lay in the fact that the people he’d thought had known him the best, accepted John into their lives without question. Instead of expressing that anger at his parents, his siblings, Carrie… or even his deceased wife Marlena – he turned it all on John, and because John loved all of the aforementioned people with everything he was, he took that rage, and accepted it. He walked away to save them even more pain.

John’s head jerked towards the door when it opened, watching as Roman and Abe entered. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself for what he was about to face. Standing as fast as he could he said, “Roman we need to talk.”

Roman sneered at him, barely sparing him a second glance as he walked by.  He hated John Black. The man represented everything he’d lost in his life. “I don’t know what you think we need to talk about.”

John had spent the night contemplating how he was going to tell Roman what had happened without telling him that he’d been in his home. If Roman knew that John had been at his house, he would fixate on that point, and completely disregard anything else John had to say. He’d decided to tell Roman what had happened without stating where he was when he’d received the call, hoping that Roman would instead focus on the important part, a phone call from Marlena. 

“Last night, I received a phone call… and, please listen to what I’m about to say, I swear to G-d, on everything that is holy… it was Doc that called me,” John told him, hoping and praying that Roman would listen. It was mere seconds when John realized he wouldn’t. Roman’s face took on a hard look, and his eyes sparked with hatred.

“Get out,” Roman told him, trying to walk to the door and open it. If he could punch John in his fucking face and not get in trouble for it, he would. That man didn’t even have the right to speak Marlena’s name, and he certainly never had the right to lie to her about who he was. John had lived with Marlena for a year, fucking her in his bed, all under the guise of being Roman Brady. Now Marlena was dead, and still this mercenary of Stefano DiMera wanted to play his fucking games.

John blocked Roman’s path in desperation, “Roman, I know you hate me! I know you don’t trust me, but I swear… I fucking swear, I wouldn’t lie about this. I loved her! I still love her! More than anything! It was her! I know that voice, and she’s asking for help. She was begging for help! She said they’re in San Cristobal.”

John’s mouth was moving, but Roman couldn’t hear the words for the blood rushing in his ears. All he saw was the man who had ruined his life standing in front of him talking about his dead wife. Roman stepped towards John, roaring, “Get the fuck out! I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I won’t ever believe a word out of your mouth—”

John stepped even closer, twisting his fist in the front of jacket, “—would you fucking listen to me, Roman! She called. It was Marlena, and she was desperate. I could hear it in her voice! She said that Stefano has her, and he has Hope.”

Roman pulled away from John swinging as if to punch him, but he was pulled back by Abe. Roman had claimed to have killed Stefano. Stefano was supposed to be dead. Abe looked at John. He wasn’t sure what to make of it all. Stefano was known for faking his own death. He’d done it before. He had faked Roman’s death, and held him hostage for seven years. They couldn’t completely dismiss what John was saying, and yet Abe knew John wouldn’t get through to Roman right then. Roman was too enraged to hear anything. “Look, um, John, maybe you should go…”

Roman jerked free of Abe’s hold, and stepped into John’s personal space, “If you say Stefano’s involved, who’s to say you’re not part of this? Who’s to say that this isn’t part of some ploy of Stefano’s to imprison me again? Get the fuck out, John! I don’t trust you.” Roman pushed John towards the door, “I will never go back to San Cristobal. You’re going to have to come up with a different plan, because I’m not stupid enough to fall for this shit.”

“You’re not even going to listen? You’re not going to try and check this lead? Because if Doc’s alive, or if Hope’s alive, we owe it to them… we have to at least check this out,” John pleaded. “We could call Shane, get the ISA involved.”

“Stay the fuck away from my family! Doc is dead! She died six years ago when she was playing house with you! Hope is dead!” Roman’s face was red with fury, and John watched as spittle flew from his lips as he roared in rage. There would be no getting through to him. He was so wrapped up in his own emotions that he would leave Marlena, and Hope in the hands of a madman before he did anything.

Abe tried again, watching Roman warily, “John…I think…” There were officers malingering outside of his office door, listening to everything that was being said. The rumor mill would be buzzing within  twenty minutes. He had to get John to go, and then he had to calm Roman down. Calming Roman down felt like a full time job to Abe.

John looked helplessly between Roman and Abe, “Abe, partner, you’ve got to believe me. We can’t just ignore this call. You didn’t hear her! If you’d heard her voice… Abe, you’d know! You’d know it was Doc!”

Abe stared at John for a moment, “Listen, maybe we can discuss this later when everyone is calm.”

“No!” Roman yelled, turning on Abe, enraged. “My wife is dead! Hope is dead!” He turned on his heel, shoving his finger into John’s chest forcefully, “Hell, for all I know, my wife is dead because of you! Orpheus was trying—”

“—Orpheus was trying to hurt you!” John said. “Because you killed his wife! Don’t do this Roman. What happened with Orpheus had nothing to do with me, so don’t twist the truth here. Don’t ignore what I’m trying to tell you because you simply refuse to work with me. Don’t!”

“John, I wouldn’t believe a word out of your mouth, even if Marlena were standing in front of me right now,” Roman said, seething. “So, get the fuck out.”

John left without another word. If Roman was going to commit to this hatred he had, John would let him, but he wasn’t going to simply let this go. Not if Marlena was out there waiting for him. Not if Hope was slowly dying of grief, pining for Bo and Shawn-D, and not if his son was waiting for him. No. His next stop was going to be Bo, because even if Bo didn’t believe what he had to say, John was going to say it. Nothing would stop him from telling him, because Bo had a right to know.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bo looked up from his desk when John opened the door to the office and walked in. Roman had already called him, and he’d been expecting John to burst in. Setting his file on his desk, and putting his feet on the floor, he stood up, “Listen man, Roman already called me—”

“I knew he would, but I don’t give a fuck what your brother did. I’m going to say this, and if you want no part in it, I’ll walk away, but for Hope… I’m going to say it.” John stared at Bo, almost daring him to stop him, and then he said, “Last night, I was visiting with the twinners and Carrie—”

Bo sighed, “—Fuck, John! If Roman finds out—”

“—Shut up, Bo!” John shouted in frustration. “Let me speak, G-d dammit! As I was leaving the house, the telephone rang. I knew Roman was on a stake out, so I paused to listen when the machine picked up. The voice… it fucking me, Bo. You gotta understand that. It was Doc! It wasn’t Stefano faking her voice. It wasn’t a trick. It was Doc! I couldn’t ignore that! I couldn’t walk away from that! So, I answered it, and I’m not lying, and I’m not confused. I know it was Doc. I know my wife!”

Bo hadn’t seen him like this in years. Not since they were searching for Marlena in Stockholm or when Carrie was kidnapped by Stefano. Holding his hands up in surrender, Bo said, “Okay. Okay, let’s say it was Marlena… I’m listening. But I need to know everything. All of the details.” Roman had told Bo over the telephone that John was irrational, and was trying to pull him into another of Stefano’s plots. Roman had tried to make it seem as if John was hysterical, and his claims were fabricated, but Bo had known John long enough to see that the man was visibly shaken, and not willing to give up. John was an extremely intelligent man. Bo didn’t doubt that he fully believed he’d spoken with Marlena.

“Marlena said Stefano has them in San Cristobal, and they’re surrounded by jungle. She said that Hope is with her, but she’s ill, almost as if she’s grieving you and Shawn D… because Doc says there’s no cause for Hope’s illness,” John told him, pacing the office, and grabbing at his hair helplessly. “But if Stefano has a compound in San Cristobal, no one knows about it.”

“How would we even know?” Bo asked him. “John, what you’re suggesting is too incredible!”

“Roman came back from the dead!” John exclaimed. “Stefano has done it before!”

Bo sat forward, as his heart started racing. John’s intensity, his fear and his desperation. He wasn’t faking. Maybe it was a trick, but John certainly didn’t believe it was, and that drove Bo to ask, “So this woman, you think is Marlena, she says it’s just her and Hope?”

John stopped pacing, and looked at Bo wondering if he could trust him with this next part, but realized that if he wanted his help, he was going to need to be completely truthful. “No… Doc said… there’s someone else with them… my son.”

Bo stared at John in shock, “Your son?”

John finally said quietly, “Marlena must have been pregnant when Orpheus took her. We didn’t know. She must have gotten pregnant in Stockholm, or right after we returned to Salem. Bo, she said she has my son, and she named him after Abe.”

“You didn’t tell Roman and Abe about that… about the child?” Bo asked.

John waited a beat before he said, “No.” 

“Fuck,” Bo said trying to work out everything John had told him. “Could it be a trap? Is it possible?”

“With Stefano, anything is possible, but I doubt it, Bo. Doc was scared. She kept whispering, and I could hear it… the panic in her voice. She was terrified that someone would catch her on the phone,” John said quietly. “It felt real. I don’t think this is a trap. I think Stefano had Doc, my son, and Hope. The only question is, do you believe me? Because if you don’t, I’ll search for them on my own.”

Something inside him believed what John was saying. He didn’t want to believe too strongly, in case they were wrong, but just the thought, the mere idea of having Hope in his arms again, was enough to have him on board. “I think we need help if we’re going to do this,” Bo said with a smile.

There was no way to describe the sense of relief John felt flow through him. Bo might not completely believe what he was saying, but he’d convinced him enough that he was willing to look into it further, “Who do you have in mind?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Shane looked at the report that the ISA forensics lap had just faxed him. “The trace on the call says it came from San Cristobal.” He shook his head in disbelief as he glanced at the hopeful faces of John and Bo. “I can’t believe I’ve even allowed the two of you to talk me into this.” But what John and Bo didn’t know was that the ISA had had suspicions about Stefano DiMera being alive ever since he’d died. Bloody hell! Roman said he’d killed him.

“You’re the director of the ISA, Shane! We don’t have anyone else. You know just as much about Stefano, and how devious he is, as we do!” John pleaded. “We need help, and Roman’s too angry to admit Marlena might be alive, and Abe’s too busy trying to placate Roman! Please!”

“What if this is a trap, John? Have you thought about that?” Shane asked him, slamming the report he was holding down on the bar beside him. “We can’t simply go busting into San Cristobal without a plan either. We have to be methodical, because if Stefano is alive… he can’t know we are coming. You would lose Marlena, Hope, and your son all over again if he has them.”

“I know that, but I’m desperate Shane! If you won’t help me… if Bo won’t help me, then I’ll do this alone, but I won’t leave them. Not if there’s a chance that they are out there. Not if there is a chance that my son is out there! I’m going to check it out,” John said. “So, you can help me… or I’ll do it by myself.”

Shane stared at John for a moment, and then glanced at Bo who was uncharacteristically silent. He walked towards his couch with a heavy sigh, and said, “There has been a rumor for several years that Stefano had a compound in San Cristobal. The ISA took agents off of the case after Roman returned. The ISA believed that Stefano was dead, so what was the point in searching for a secret compound? At least that was the argument at the time. Plus, two-thirds of that island is uninhabited jungle. The only part that is livable is the southwest corner.”

“The ISA gave up the possibility that Stefano might have a compound there?” Bo asked incredulously. He was starting to feel something close to hope rising up inside him. It was becoming something more than John’s irrational desire or fantastical story. It was possible. Shane hadn’t shut them down, and that was more promising than anything.

Shane sighed again. He’d expected a quiet weekend. He wasn’t about to get one. John and Bo had at one point or another worked for the ISA, and what he was about to tell them was top secret. His hands rubbed over his face roughly, “Okay, what I’m about to tell you does not leave this room. Do you understand?” John and Bo nodded. “Surveys were done of the island. Topographical, visual, and heat scans. If Stefano has a compound, it’s well hidden, and probably mostly underground. The heat scans had to be done at night, since the climate is tropical. There was something unusual… but, as I said, after Roman’s return we never looked into it further.”

“When were the scans done?” Bo asked.

“Two years ago,” Shane said. “The ISA dropped it, because it was assumed that Stefano died when Roman escaped. Roman said he’d killed the man.”

John felt himself suffused with growing frustration, “But, according to Doc, he’s alive.”

“If that was Marlena,” Bo told him.

“That’s what he does! He fakes his death. How many times had he done that?” John yelled, standing up and pacing the floor in front of the fireplace. “We can’t disregard this. I know it was Doc on the telephone!”

Bo watched him for a moment, and then turned to Shane, “Shane, maybe… maybe this is a trick, but I trust John here. I’d trust John with my life, and he’s absolutely certain that the person he spoke to last night was Marlena. If there’s a chance that she’s alive… that Hope is alive, we are obligated to check it out.”

“You’re right. Of course, you’re right,” Shane said. The logistics would be incredibly detailed. He would have to get top secret agents lined up, as well as informants on San Cristobal if that were even possible. “I’m going to work on this. We’ll have to get a team together—”

“I want to be involved in this, Shane. You can’t leave me out of it,” John said, walking back over to where Shane sat.

“John, you’re no longer with the ISA, and even when you were, we thought you were Roman! You can’t be involved in this. If we find the compound, it’s going to have to be a specially trained group to go in, and get them out. It’s much too risky to have you or Bo in there.” Shane looked at him, hoping he understood. “You’re both civilians now. You can’t be directly involved.”

“Fuck!” John said. “I’m so fucking scared for her right now. I’ve got to do something. Shane, she sounded so scared.”

Shane stood up, walking towards where John stood, with Bo standing behind him, “I promise you both, if Hope and Marlena are there, if your son is there, we will get them out.”

“We’re coming to San Cristobal,” Bo said. “You can’t stop us. Once you get them all out, there’s no way we can bring them back to Salem right away. Hope and Marlena don’t know that Roman is back. They still think John is Roman. There’s a lot they need to know before we can bring them back here. Plus, we don’t know… what they’ve been through. Coming here right away is a bad idea.”

John turned to look at Bo, with tears shining in his eyes, “Thank you. Thank you for believing me.”

“You have never lied to me, big brother,” Bo said, hugging John tightly. “If they’re alive, and they’ve been with Stefano all this time… we don’t know if they’ve suffered – be that physical or emotional, maybe both. You won’t say it, because Roman’s my brother, but…”

“You’re right, Bo. It’s going to be incredibly stressful for her. Learning I’m not Roman, finding out he’s alive, and learning that… learning what happened with the children…” John was quiet for a moment. “She’ll need time.”

Bo stared at Shane with determined eyes, “I’m with John. If Hope is ill, like he thinks… she’s going to need medical care. She’s going to need time.”

John looked to Shane, “Can you keep us up to date? At least let us know what’s going on?” Even if he couldn’t be directly involved in this he wanted updates. He wanted to know what was happening. 

Shane had worked with John and Bo before. They weren’t going to give this up. “I promise. I will. You’ll get every update that I get… and if you insist on going to San Cristobal, you might as well make preparations. You’re going to need a place to stay—”

“—Money is not a problem. I’ll take care of everything,” John said. This was going to happen. He had Shane and Bo on his side. Fuck Roman. He was going to get Marlena and his son and bring them home. 

Once they were outside, John told Bo, “We’re going to find them, and we’re going to bring them home.”

“If Hope is alive—”

“We’re getting them both back, Bo. I can feel it. I’m going to arrange everything, and then we’re going to go, and get them. I promise,” John told him. “Just be careful. We can’t discuss any of this with Roman or anyone else. It could compromise the whole mission.”

Bo thought about Roman and the way he’d been acting since he’d returned to Salem a year earlier. “I know. Believe me, I know.”

Chapter 3

Carrie slid into the booth across from John at the diner with a questioning look on her face. The music was loud and the noise of the talking patrons made meeting John here safer than somewhere quiet. They normally met once a week, and since she had just seen him the day before, she knew something was wrong. She could see it in the lines of his eyes, and the set of his jaw. She’d also seen Roman earlier, and he’s been in a horrible mood. Ranting and raving about John, and making her promise to stay away from him. Roman hadn’t so much as mentioned John’s existence in the past two months. One look into John’s intense blue eyes, and Carrie was asking, “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on, Dad?”

He reached for her hand, realizing how much he loved the fact that she was so direct. It reminded him of Marlena, even though Marlena hadn’t been in their lives for six years. “I promised you when Roman came back that I would never lie to you, and I won’t, Punkin’, but damn, if this isn’t hard,” John said, running the fingers of his free hand through his hair. 

He had left Shane’s house, and came straight to the diner. Making sure that no one he knew was there. He’d asked to use their phone, calling around for Carrie, and finally located her at the fish market. He’d heard Roman’s booming voice in the background, and at one point in their conversation, Carrie had called him Jaimie. It meant a lot to him that even with Roman’s threats over the last year, Carrie had maintained her faith in him. His trust with Carrie had been incredibly fragile when Roman had come back to Salem, and John’s promise to always tell her the truth was essential to the survival of their relationship, even if he felt like this was a lot to put on an eighteen year old girl. He knew that if he didn’t tell her, his relationship with Carrie might be broken irrevocably. 

Stroking his thumb over the top of her hand, he said softly, “Last night, as I was leaving the house, someone called. I waited, listening as the answering machine picked up,  just in case it was an emergency, and…and the voice I heard…G-d! It was Marlena’s voice, Carrie.”

Her heart rate increased as she stared at him dumbfounded, “What?”

“I know it sounds crazy, even far-fetched, but Carrie, it was Doc. I would bet my life on it. I swear to you, it was Doc,” John said. “She said that Stefano has her. He’s had her this whole time… and she said… he has Hope, too. I know this is a lot to take in, and I’m sorry for that. It’s just that I promised you–”

“–you told Roman?” she asked. But then she realized he had to have told Roman. Her father had practically cornered her at the fish market demanding that she stay away from John, and threatening to withdraw her college tuition if he heard that she was speaking to him.

John sighed, “I did, and he’s—”

“—he wouldn’t listen. Would he? I know he wouldn’t listen, because just before you called, he’d given me the lecture about talking to you, and he hasn’t done that in nearly six months. Do you think it was really her?” Her life had been so absolutely miserable over the last year. She wiped the tears from her eyes. If she needed anyone in her life at that point it would be Marlena.

“Carrie, punkin’ girl… I swear it was her. It was her. I know it was her,” he said emphatically. 

She stared at him for a moment. John would never be this adamant about something unless he felt it so deeply there could be no doubt. “What are you going to do? I know you’re going to do something,” Carrie told him. He wasn’t the type to sit on information.

He glanced around quickly, before leaning towards her across the table, “Bo and I—”

“—you went to Bo?” she asked in surprise.

“Damn right I did, punkin’. Right after your father kicked me out of his office. Of course, I went to Bo. I wasn’t sure if he’d believe me, but I was damn sure going to tell him,” John said in low tones.

“So… you’re going after them? You and Uncle Bo are going to look for them?”

“And your Uncle Shane, but I can’t tell you anything more specific.” He was quiet for a moment, and then he whispered, “But, I have a business trip for the Toscano Foundation, and Bo’s planning to take Shawn D on a family vacation soon. That’s all I can say.”

Carrie’s body started to tremble, and she wiped the tears from her eyes quickly. “Okay. I understand, Dad. I do. I know why you can’t tell me any more, and I’m—I’m really happy you trust me enough to tell me what’s going on. I know you probably think I’m too young—”

He brushed a strand of her long blonde hair back over her shoulder, “You are too young. You’re too young for any of this, but I’m not about to break a promise I made to you. You understand me?”

She smiled shyly, “Thank you.”

“I promise Carrie, if Doc, and Hope are out there, we won’t come home without them, but Bo and I talked, and… if they are with Stefano… there’s a lot of catching up they’re going to have to do. I have to tell her about me, and Roman coming back. Not to mention we don’t know what he might have put them through physically… or emotionally. We think it might be best to spend some time with them before coming back to Salem,” John said. “To take them somewhere else for a while. To give them time to heal.”

Carrie thought of all of the horrible things that Marlena or Hope might have been through while they were with Stefano. “I think that’s a good idea,” she said quietly. She thought about Roman’s return, and everything she and the twins had gone through in the last year. Looking at John, she nodded, and said, “Being in captivity with Stefano… he plays with your mind. It was hard for me, and I was just a child. I can’t imagine what he would do to an adult. You’re right, but maybe… if you do find them, can you call me somehow? Please? Just to let me know. I won’t say anything, I’d just feel better knowing.”

John reached out, noting her clenched hands, and he wrapped his hands around hers, “Punkin’, I swear, if we find Doc and Hope, you’ll be the first person I call.”

She stared at John, “Promise?”

“I swear it,” he said softly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Shawn and Caroline looked at their son in surprise. Shawn finally said, “You’re doing what now?”

“I’m taking Shawn D for a little trip on the boat,” Bo said, sitting back in the wooden kitchen chair casually. He knew it was out of the blue, and his parents were more than a little surprised, but he and John had agreed that they were doing this in secret. No one could know. “Shawn D and I haven’t gotten to spend much time together since Hope died, and I think it’s time we did… just the two of us.”

Caroline was surprised. Hope’s death had changed Bo, and he’d never recovered from it. This sudden optimism was unexpected, but also a good sign. He had been grieving for so long, and she’d been so worried about him. “You don’t have to explain,” she told him, reaching for his hand. “It’s fine, of course. You’re father and I were just surprised, that’s all.”

“When will ye be leaving?” Shawn asked him, also wondering about Bo’s sudden change in attitude. He seemed lighter, more carefree in the way he sat and the way his eyes seemed to have a little bit of light back in them. 

“I’m not sure yet, Pop. Probably within the next week or so. Soon. I’ve got some things I need to wrap up first with the agency,” he told them. “I was going to let Tanner run things while I’m gone.”

“Ye sure ye got the money for something like this?” Shawn asked him, concerned about how Bo planned to pay for a trip like that.

“Yeah, I’ve got the money,” Bo replied with a grin. “It doesn’t cost as much as you might think. Besides, I’m excited about this. Just me and Shawn D for a while. It’ll be nice.”

“What will be nice?” Roman asked loudly, walking into the fish market store front. Bo watched his brother warily, and let his parents respond to the question. The new arrogant version of his brother that had returned to Salem a year ago was someone he generally chose to avoid. 

“Bo is taking Shawn D on a trip for a little while,” Caroline said. “Like he and Hope did all those years ago.”

Roman stared at his younger brother for a moment, and then asked, “Yeah? Where you going?” He planted himself at the table with his family and waited.

“We’re going to take the Fancy Face out to sea. I want to teach him about sailing, and tell him about the trip his mom and I took,” Bo said, irritated at Roman’s attitude. “I figure we’ll get the boat out on the Mississippi, and then head south. We can hit the Gulf of Mexico out of New Orleans. It will be his last adventure before he starts kindergarten next year.”

“How are you gonna pay for that, little brother?” Roman asked him with a slight sneer. Since he’d come back to Salem he’d quickly realized that even in his absence Bo hadn’t made much of himself.

Bo sighed, hating the arrogant look on Roman’s face. “I just told Pop, Roman. I’ve got the money. You’d do better to worry about yourself.”

“So Victor’s paying for it, huh?” Roman said smugly.

Shawn looked at Roman, and then turned to Bo, “Is that true, son?”

Fucking Roman. Bo sighed, looking at Roman as if he wanted to strangle him. “No, Pop. That’s not true. I’ve got money. My own money. I’ve been planning this for awhile, I just never said anything.” Staring at Roman for a moment longer, he said, “You really are an ass.”

“I was just asking. Stop acting like a child. Trips like that cost money, and the last time I checked your PI business was barely hanging on,” Roman told him. “You’re always welcome back at the station. I hear you were turning into quite the police officer while I was gone.”

Bo stood up, “No. I don’t want to do that. My hours are flexible now. I can drop Shawn D at preschool, and pick him up at the end of the day.”

“I guess,” Roman said with a shrug. Bo was acting odd, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. “Have you seen John? After I called you this morning?”

“Why are you so obsessed with John today?” Bo asked him.

“Listen, he’s the one who came into my office spouting all kinds of bullshit about Marlena and Hope being alive. I just felt like I needed to warn you. So, did he come by?” Roman asked him curiously.

“No. I haven’t seen him today,” Bo lied. Looking at his watch he decided to make his excuses and leave, because any more time with Roman, and he might punch him in his sorry face. Leaning over he gave his mother a hug, “I’ve gotta get going, Shawn D’s watched too much TV, and I have to get him some dinner.”

“You can stay here for dinner, if you’d like,” Caroline said. “Roman, are the children in the living room with Shawn D?”

“Nah, Ma. Carrie’s got ’em,” Roman replied carelessly.

Caroline couldn’t understand why Roman had fought tooth and nail for custody of the twins, and he left the parenting to Carrie. “Carrie? Roman, she’s got school, and work to focus on,” Caroline said. “You can’t be leaving them with her all of the time.”

“She’s fine, Ma. She doesn’t mind watching them. She loves them,” Roman told his mother. In truth he was getting sick of the constant nagging. His mother, Kimberly, and Kayla all had something to say about the amount of time he spent with the twins, and times he left them with Carrie.

Shawn had heard it all. From his wife, Kimberly, and Kayla. Roman had come back to Salem and fought to keep John away from those children, and yet he had left their rearing to Carrie. “But, Roman, it’s not Carrie’s responsibility to be watching the twins all the time,” Shawn said. “Ye be putting too much on the girl. Plus, what ye did earlier—”

“—there was nothing wrong with what I did earlier,” Roman interrupted angrily. He was sick to death of his parents, and his sisters trying to tell him how to raise his own kids.

Caroline said softly, “Sometimes you get so angry, and Carrie didn’t do anything wrong, Roman.”

“She needs to stay away from John Black! That’s what she needs to do,” Roman said. “She needs to do what I tell her.”

“You don’t even know that she was,” Caroline told him. “You assumed… and don’t you see how much you’re destroying her when you attack her the way you did?”

“I think threatening to take her college money,” Shawn said, “well that was low, Roman. Ye can’t be doin’ things like that.”

Bo was fed up with his pig-headed brother, saying, “Carrie is an adult, Roman. You know that, right? You don’t have the right to pick who she talks to anymore. Trying to manipulate her by threatening to not pay for school… that was low.”

“She also lives in my house, so she can damn well respect my rules, and I told her to stay away from John!” Roman roared. “You all might buy into his manipulation, but I won’t. You may have accepted him as me, let him into your homes, and allowed him to raise my children… but, I’m back now, and he needs to understand that he doesn’t belong here. He’s not a Brady, and he never was. So, he can damn well stay away from my family!”

“You know what, Roman? You were a jerk before you died, but you’re a fucking asshole now,” Bo said, heading for the back stairs of the fish market. “Carrie is not Sami and Eric’s mother! She’s an eighteen year old girl, doing your damned job as a parent!” Turning to Shawn and Caroline, he said, “Ma, Pop, I can’t be around him right now, so Shawn D and I are going to go home.”

“Roman, ye went to court, and ye fought for the children, but ye never spend any time with them. It’s not Carrie’s job to be their mother,” Shawn told him. “Why don’t ye go home tonight, and have dinner with them. I bet they’d be happy if ye did.”

“Pop, I just came by to check on you, but I’ve got to get back to the station. Tell you what, I’ll try and make plans with them for tomorrow night,” Roman said, standing up and kissing his mother on the cheek. His kids drove him crazy. They were brats. They either talked about how amazing John was all the time, or they cried. John had ruined them.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was late. Definitely past the twins bedtime, but John had to see them one last time before he left. Roman was working late again, because he managed to get Kim to check for him. He knocked on the back door quietly, and was surprised when Eric answered the door. “Hey slugger, where’s your sister?”

“Which one?” he asked with a grin while demonstrating his grasp of sarcasm.

“I see, little man. You’ve got jokes,” John said, stepping inside, and ruffling the boy’s hair. “Go get your sisters for me, will you?”

Eric turned his head to the side, and yelled loudly, “Carrie! Sami! Come in the kitchen!”

John snatched Eric up into his arms, kissing the boy on his cheek, “That’s one way of doing it.”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to come here, because you might get arrested,” Eric said. “But you’re here again.”

“That’s true, but I needed to see you and Sami,” John replied, setting Eric back onto his feet, and reaching for his little hand. Walking out of the kitchen, John sat down at the dining room table, and pulled Eric into his lap, taking a deep breath of his still damp hair. He smelled like coconut, which made John smile. “Did you just finish your bath?”

“Yeah,” Eric told him, yawning widely. “Carrie was studying for a test, and she forgot to feed us dinner. So then we had ta eat, and then we had ta take a bath, and I was fast but Sami made a mess–”

“–Daddy!” Sami screamed, jumping the last three steps and running towards him. “I thought you wasn’t supposed to come here?”

John pulled her into his arms, “Hey Peanut.”

“I missed you, Daddy,” Sami said, kissing him on his cheek, and throwing her arms around his neck. “But I thought—”

“—I already asked that dummy,” Eric interrupted. He rolled his eyes. Sami didn’t listen to anything.

She immediately felt stupid. “Oh.”

“Eric,” John said sternly. “Apologize to your sister.”

Eric felt ashamed. “I’m sorry… you’re not a dummy.”

“I came to see you guys, because I’m going to be going on a trip, and I might not see you for awhile,” John told them. He looked up as Carrie came down the stairs looking exhausted, and wearing a soggy t-shirt. “But, I promise I will call Carrie, and check in though, so I don’t want you to give her a hard time. I need you to listen to her. Can you do that?”

The twins both nodded their heads, and Eric asked, “Where are you going?”

John ruffled his hair, “It’s a secret, but I promise I’ll bring you a surprise when I come back.”

Sami got an excited look on her face, asking, “A puppy?”

“I want a rat. That way I can teach it to play basketball… actually, Dad, can I have six rats? Cause I wanna teach ’em all to play basketball,” Eric said. “I saw it at the science museum. They teach ‘em to play basketball with Grape Nuts cereal and they run back and forth stealing the ball and scoring for snacks!”

“Absolutely no rats,” Carrie said with a scrunched look on her face as her body shivered in disgust.

“Whatever I bring, you’re going to love it. I can promise that,” John said. Suddenly they all turned towards the front door, because they could hear Roman’s car in the driveway. “Gotta go.” John kissed Sami and Eric quickly, standing up. He walked over to Carrie, hugging her tightly. He heard Roman’s car door slam, “I’ll call you. I promise. I gotta go.”

They all followed John into the kitchen, and watched solemnly as he exited through the back door. Sami looked up at Carrie with tears in her eyes, “He’ll come back right? He’s not leaving forever?”

“Not forever,” Carrie whispered. “Daddy keeps his promises.”

Chapter 4

**Sensitive topics – sexual assault, abortion**

John and Bo arrived at Shane’s house a week later, at his request. Both of them already had their plans in place for their trip to San Cristobal. They would gather their families after the ISA raid, and head back to the mainland. John and Bo had discussed it, and they had agreed, no other information would be provided to the ISA. The location of where they were taking their families wasn’t something they planned to share. 

They could tell by Shane’s expression, and the way he held his body that he was tense, and had important information. John felt the tightness in his own body increase. Even though there was a fire in the fireplace, creating a relaxing atmosphere, none of them were feeling calm. Once they were settled into the leather couches, Shane asked them, “Would you like something to drink? Maybe some—”

“—Shane, can you just tell us what’s going on?” Bo said, leaning forward. His body was trembling, he was so stressed, and he felt like he was crawling out of his own skin. The past week he had gone over Hope’s death repeatedly in his head. How could she be alive when he’d watched her die? He’d been wracked with nightmares, and unable to sleep. Over and over again he watched his wife scream as she fell into the acid with Ernesto’s brazen laugh in the background. He would wake up, skill hearing the clang of the metal cage she was in, and the sizzle of caustic liquid. They were memories that Bo had pushed to the back of his mind for years, but suddenly they were surfacing to torture him nightly. “It’s been a week, and I don’t mean to be impatient, man, but I’m going crazy over this.”

“Yeah, partner, I’m in agreement with Bo. What do you have for us?” John asked. John’s week had been similar to Bo’s. He found himself questioning his own judgment when he recalled Marlena’s death. When Marlena died the second time, he’d already been fooled once by Orpheus. Why didn’t he question it? He’d wake up in the night hearing the echo of Marlena’s cries as the pilot shouted mayday, mayday, and it was too much. Did he give up the search for her body too soon? Why didn’t he put up more of a fight when they called off the search? Was it his fault that Stefano had her, because he’s simply given up?

Shane started speaking softly, balancing his elbows on his knees, “We’ve had ISA agents on San Cristobal for the three days. I had them dispatched, within two days of us speaking, and it took some maneuvering, actually it took a lot of maneuvering, but we now have a contact on the compound—”

John couldn’t remain seated. He shot up with a roar, “Fucking hell! The lousy bastard’s alive, isn’t he? I knew he wasn’t dead! It was Marlena on the telephone wasn’t it?” he felt the tears stinging his eyes, as his hope over the last week spilled into acknowledgement. Why did Roman say he’d killed him, when he obviously didn’t?”

“A contact on the compound? Okay, but does that mean…?” Bo asked, feeling like he could finally allow himself to believe that his wife was alive, but too scared to do so until Shane verified it.

“Yes,” Shane said. “According to the source there are two women, and a young boy living there with a man they know as Rudolpho Meradi. However, when they were shown a photo of Stefano, they confirmed that it was the same man. One of the women is sick. The source said she has a weakness the doctors don’t understand, and we’re assuming, based on John’s telephone conversation, that it’s Hope.” Shane’s voice trailed off, not sure how to explain the next part. “We didn’t get confirmation on which of the women is which, because the agent at the time didn’t have photographs of Marlena and Hope; however, we did get confirmation from the source that there is a woman that Stefano calls Lena…”

“What?” John said, as a feeling of sickness settled in his belly like a lead weight. Something was wrong, he could feel it. “What, Shane? Lena?”

“The source, a groundskeeper, is under the impression that Lena… is in a relationship with Rudolpho,” Shane said. “He feels the relationship is consensual… since it has been ongoing for years.”

“No!” John stood up, immediately outraged, “No. No way! No fucking way! She wouldn’t willingly—” He stopped speaking abruptly, as a wave of nausea rolled through him. After several beats, he said, “If he put his fucking hands on her…”

“John, we don’t know exactly what is going on,” Shane told him calmly. “We can’t jump to conclusions.” But in his gut, Shane knew that John was most likely correct in his assumption. If Marlena had a child with her, Stefano would not be beyond coercion to gain access to her body, and Marlena would do anything she could to keep her child safe – even if it meant sacrificing herself to do it.

“If she’s doing anything with him, it’s because he’s fucking raping her! You both know that, Shane! She wouldn’t do that! Not with Stefano… not with him” John yelled, remembering how much Marlena hated Stefano. When they were married they had talked about her killing him, and the trial that had followed. John knew with every fiber of his being, that Marlena would never willingly allow Stefano to touch her. So he had to be physically forcing her, or coercing her into it. “He kidnapped the twins, and she would never forgive him for that.”

“John, listen to Shane… we don’t know for sure,” Bo said, trying to calm John down. “Once the ISA gets them out, once we get them to safety, we can… we can try, and unravel all of this. We have to focus on one thing at a time, and right now that means getting them out of there.”

“I’m going to be sick,” John whispered, as he sat back on the couch with his elbows balanced on his knees, and his hands over his mouth. Marlena had been through too much in her life. John wasn’t sure she could handle much more. He was quiet for a long time before he said, “She’s been with that bastard for more than five years. I’m sick, just thinking about what he might have done to her.”

Bo started feeling John’s sense of urgency. “Shane… when? When are you guys going to go in, and get them out?”

“Hopefully, in three days. Our contact has to find a way to get a message to them, telling them to be in a safe place when the raid takes place. Since our contact is the groundskeeper, he doesn’t see them every day. We can’t move forward until he’s delivered the message, and signaled the agents.” Shane watched John and Bo exchange a glance, and he asked them, “Now, my question for you is, once they’re out… what’s your plan?”

Bo looks at John again, and John nods, allowing him to speak. They had already decided that the location where they were taking Marlena and Hope would remain between them. “John and I are taking Shawn D, and sailing the Fancy Face to St. Louis. We’re leaving tonight, we were just waiting for word from you. We’ll dock the boat there, and then take Victor’s plane from St. Louis to Puerto Baquerizo Moreno on San Cristobal. We’ll wait there to hear from the ISA. As soon as they’re out Shane, I mean as soon as they’re out, we’re taking them, and we’re leaving. You, and the ISA, can question them when they’re healthy… when… when—”

“—you can talk to them when we bring them home to Salem, but not before that,” John said forcefully. John ran his fingers through his hair again as he stood up, “We don’t know what the fuck that bastard has put them through, and the ISA will not put them through questioning until we know they can handle it. I know how the ISA works. They’re going to want to rush this, and close the investigation, but that’s not how this is going to go. Our families come first. We’re not saying you can’t question them, we’re only asking that you respect their healing process… no matter how long that is.”

“I understand,” Shane said. John had no reason to trust the ISA, even with him in charge. “If it was someone I loved, I would do the same. Can I ask where you’re taking them?”

“I’m sorry, Shane… but I can’t. Not right now anyway,” John said. “I can’t risk Roman finding out our location.”

“Technically Marlena is Roman’s wife,” Shane said softly.

“Technically, Marlena is my wife. No matter who I was when we said our vows, and no matter what has happened since. Marlena married me, Shane. Marlena called me. Roman will know as soon as Marlena decides what she wants, and not before. I’m not making any decisions until I’ve talked to her, and I’ve seen her. Bo isn’t either.”

“Does Victor know?” Shane asked them.

“Victor doesn’t ask questions. We asked to use the plane, he allowed it. Where we go, and what we’re doing… he trusts that at some point one of us will tell him, and we will,” John said.

Shane thought about Victor and everything he’d done to his family and to Kimberly. He sighed, “I have no love for the man, but if you trust him…”

“Victor’s my father, and he was John’s father-in-law… he won’t ask questions, and he won’t pry. That’s what we need right now,” Bo told Shane. “Plus, if anyone asks, he’ll cover for us.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena lay on the bed, curled into the fetal position with her arms wrapped around her legs. The pain and the cramping in her abdomen was almost too much to bear. Another aching pain tore along her spine, and she curled her body even tighter. Trying to stifle a moan, she bit down on the corner of her bed pillow, hoping not to wake Avi, who was sleeping soundly on the other side of the room. She heard the door that connected her room to Hope’s open slowly, and the soft tread of footsteps across the carpet as they neared her bed. Hope coming into her bed had become a nightly occurrence. They were too alone to not have grown closer. Sometimes Marlena worried that they were too close. Loneliness, grief, and fear had brought them together. In the darkness a touch, a soft embrace, or a caress might lead to soft, tender kisses. Nothing more, nothing less. Comfort. They could figure out what it was after they were rescued. As it was, all they had was each other.

Hope was worried. She may be weak, and depressed nearly all of the time, but she wasn’t oblivious. She knew what Marlena had done, and it was breaking her heart. She’d been with her within a week of Ernesto’s final trick. Stefano had added her to his collection. Climbing into Marlena’s bed, Hope slid underneath the blanket behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist. She rubbed her cheek on Marlena’s shoulder and then kissed it softly, “I know what you did. You don’t have to hide it from me.”

Marlena’s tears started falling hard and fast, as she struggled to contain her sobs. Another baby. Another child. “I can’t have his child!” she cried quietly. “I won’t.” But it was killing her. Every time she ended another pregnancy, she felt as if she died a little more.

“I’m not judging you. I’m worried for you,” Hope told her, barely above a whisper. She brushed Marlena’s hair away from her face gently, her small fingers stroking over her cheek. “When did you do it?”

“I—I took the mifepristone last night… and the misoprotol… I took that about four hours ago,” Marlena told her, still crying. Crying for what she could have had, and crying for what she’d refused to have. She rolled over, facing Hope, and she buried her face in her neck. “I can’t do it, Hope. I can’t have that monster’s baby… it would kill me. I couldn’t… I couldn’t love it.”

“You don’t have to tell me why. You don’t have to justify it to me… what he does to you… that’s rape,” Hope whispered, cupping Marlena’s cheek softly. “Even if you don’t fight him, he knows you don’t want it… he’s forcing you by threatening me, or threatening to take away Avi… that’s rape, Marlena. Tell me you know that.” 

She couldn’t allow Stefano to hurt Hope, because he would, and it would destroy her. Hope was already so fragile. She couldn’t allow him to take away Avi. She would never see her son again. Marlena’s palm rested on the curve of Hope’s neck, as if the warm skin somehow grounded her to reality when her mind wanted to float away. “I know. I know… I know… it just feels like I’m somehow allowing him to—”

“—you’re not!” Hope whispered emphatically, kissing Marlena softly on the lips. She wiped the tears from Marlena’s face, and she said again, “You’re not!”

“I know that… I just—my mind is so… I have to get out of here, Hope. We have to get out of here,” Marlena said. “We have to get back to our families. Because the longer we’re here the more it’s tearing us apart.”

“The medicine you’re taking… I know that Stefano allows you to handle the medical side of the compound, but is he going to figure it out?” Hope asked her, her voice edged with fear. “This is the—”

“—third time in two years? G-d! I know!” Marlena said, crying even harder. Her arm wrapped around Hope’s waist, pulling her closer as she cried. She’d used a combination of drugs to end her third pregnancy tonight, but the thought of carrying Stefano’s baby to term had her feeling suicidal. As soon as she realized she was pregnant, she would feel disgusted and dirty inside, desperate to get it out by any means she could. In her mind, ending those pregnancies had been her only option, aside from ending her own life. She would deal with G-d’s wrath when she died, but right now, she had to take care of herself, and Avi. Avi was her first priority.

Hope’s soft hand cupped Marlena’s neck, pulling their foreheads so that they barely touched. “No one is judging you, Mar… and I believe in my heart… G-d isn’t judging you either. Stefano is a sick, manipulative, sadistic bastard. I don’t expect you to carry his baby… you are the strongest woman I know.” Hope’s whispered words feathered across her forehead. Holding her tighter, Hope brushed the hair from her face. ” You are the strongest woman I have ever met. If I didn’t have you… I’d be lost.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Marlena whispered, allowing Hope to continue to hold her. She was silent for a long time before she whispered, “I want—I want to kill him. I want to get us out of here.”

Hope kissed Marlena’s soft lips for the second time, whispering, “Roman’s going to come… you know he will. He’ll come to get us.”

“He promised,” Marlena said, holding Hope as if she might disappear. She sighed when the younger woman rested her cheek on her shoulder. “He did promise me.”

“Did you tell him about Avi?” Hope whispered into the darkness.

Marlena thought about her son, with his deep indigo eyes, oval face, and dark hair. He looked exactly like his father. It wasn’t a problem to look like his father… it just meant that his father wasn’t Roman Brady. Marlena paused, finally saying, “I didn’t tell him. I called him Roman when we talked, and he—he didn’t correct me. If he comes, if they get us out of here, I’ll tell him. I’ll have to tell him that he’s not Roman. He might figure it out when he sees his son.”

“I’m so lonely,” Hope whispered. She lifted her head slightly, kissing Marlena’s exposed shoulder. “It’s tearing me up inside to feel this alone.”

“Come here,” Marlena said softly. 

Hope rolled towards her, holding Marlena’s face in her hands, and she kissed her gently. Once they went home, once she had Bo back, she’d let go of this connection she had to Marlena. She’d have to, but right then Marlena took away that ache she had inside. Marlena made her feel safe, and loved.

Marlena closed her eyes, desperate for affection that wasn’t coerced or forced. Hope’s soft lips against hers had her softly moaning as she threaded her fingers through her soft silky brown hair. They would stop this, as soon as they were rescued, because that’s all it was. It was comfort, and companionship. Another soft sigh escaped her, and all she could do was focus on the warmth of the body against her, and the softness that took all her pain away. She knew she would fall asleep and dream of Roman.

Chapter 5

Jose had been watching his boss, with the woman he now knew was Marlena, for the last two days, looking for a moment when he might be able to speak with her without suspicion. Ever since the ISA had approached him at his home, offering him more money than he could ever imagine, he had been watching their interactions. It was risky, but the ISA had offered him enough money to take care of his family, and enough to send his children to whatever school they wished. Rudolpho paid him barely enough to survive, and kept him working for him using fear tactics. 

As he watched them together, he could see now that whatever Rudolpho’s relationship was with her, she did not want his touch. He hadn’t ever paid much mind, he’d simply gone about his job, and tried to stay out of the way. As Rudolpho touched her, her body tensed, and flinched. On the outside, Rudolpho seemed caring, considerate… as if her welfare was his sole concern, but there was something else there, if one cared to look. Jose was only saddened that he never had before. The way the man’s eyes tightened at the corners, the way he would lean close, and whisper in her ear, causing her face to fall. She would go from being beautiful in her silent defiance of him, to a crushed, and broken woman. He’d seen it over and over in the last two days. Those small, almost imperceptible changes only solidified his decision to help her. He continued trimming the bushes, in the hope of finding a moment to speak with her.

Stefano leaned closer to Marlena, stroking the length of her arm, “You will join me tonight in my room. It is not a request.” 

She felt the bile rise up, as his breath wafted over her neck, and he breathed deeply of her scent, a combination of vanilla and plumeria that he had made especially for her. Closing her eyes she thought of Avi’s hugs, waking up with Hope, and Roman’s arms around her. Anything to take her away from that moment.

Stefano whispered, “You are exquisite, Lena.”

She stepped away from him, glancing toward where Hope and Avi napped under the frangipani tree. The soft breeze pushed the strongly perfumed france of its flowers across her face, and she had to push away the nausea. She’d never be able to go somewhere tropical for the rest of her life if she escaped there. “I can’t tonight,” she said quietly, hoping and praying that he would accept her answer. “I’m not feeling well.”

“As I stated, it is not a request,” he said forcefully, leaning closer, and invading her personal space. His fingers wrapped around her upper arm, digging into the soft flesh. His sour breath hit her nose, “I want you in my bed, Lena. You are the only woman I have ever craved this much. I dream of your soft skin, and your hair twisted in my fist. It amazes me that I have yet to tire of you. Your body inflames me.”

Marlena forced herself not to recoil from his touch, saying quietly, “I’m on my period right now. I really can’t.”

Stefano smiled at her like a predator stalking his prey. He released her arm from his hold, and trailed his fingers down over her shoulder, and along the plane of her spine. “That has never deterred me before, my queen. You know that.” His body almost shivered as he thought about it. Taking her into his bed when she so obviously didn’t want it gave him a sort of thrill he didn’t understand. It was the same feeling he had when he’d taken Rachel Blake into his bed all those years before. Every time he stared into her eyes, and saw a little less light, his desire grew more ardent. Wanting to see the panic in Marlena’s eyes, he said ominously, “Lena, I should tell you that I have been looking at boarding schools for your dear Avi. He’s nearing the age to start school, isn’t he?”

“No! He’s barely five, Stefano. He would still be in preschool. You can’t do that! I’m his mother,” she said, her fingers reaching for his beefy arm. “You can’t take him away from me!” she begged him. “You know—you know, he’s all I’ve got!”

He stared at her with unfeeling, beady eyes. “I’ll let you have dinner with the boy, and put him to bed, but I expect you in my suite no later than 9:30 pm,” Stefano told her, leaning down to kiss her softly on the cheek. “Do you understand?”

Marlena felt the acid from her stomach roil up in the back of her throat, causing a burning sensation that was not unfamiliar, as she stared up at him and nodded her understanding. She watched him go, and then slowly walked back to the blanket where Avi was curled in Hope’s arms napping. Her beautiful boy. The one thing in her life that allowed her to have hope, because without him, she surely would have ended her own life by now, rather than continue the existence she was currently resigned to. Just as she was about to sit down beside them, she heard a shuffling of feet near the bushes, and glanced over. The groundskeeper was watching her. She smiled at him sadly, but as she started to sit, he shook his head no, and gave one quick nod of his head to indicate that she follow him. Marlena looked around, wary of Stefano, and everyone who worked for him. Stefano had gone already. He’d gotten what he wanted, Marlena’s submission. Making sure that Avi and Hope were still sleeping she stepped closer, into the shadows of the fruit trees, asking the man, “Yes?”

“Tengo un mensaje para usted [I have a message for you.],” Jose whispered. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he could hear the roar of blood in his ears. He wasn’t a meek man, but Rudolpho scared him.

“A message from who?” she asked softly, still looking around. She hoped, she prayed it was what she wanted to hear. She hoped it was Roman.

“Por favor, no salgas de tu habitación esta noche. Manténganse encerrados a sí mismos ya su hijo, así como a la otra mujer. La ISA está allanando el recinto a las 7:00 pm. Su marido ha enviado ayuda [Please don’t leave your room tonight. Keep yourselves and your son locked up, as well as the other woman. The ISA is raiding the compound at 7:00 pm. Your husband has sent help],” Jose told her. He couldn’t be spotted with her, so without another glance, he walked away without a backward glance. 

Marlena stepped out of the shadows, her small hand covering her mouth in disbelief. Roman was coming. The groundskeeper had said so… su marido. The ISA was coming. Tonight. Her husband had sent help. Her legs trembled as she stepped over to where Avi was sleeping. Stroking her fingers across Hope’s cheek softly, she whispered, “Hope, honey… wake up.”

Vibrant green eyes fluttered, coming back to her reality after being pulled from a dream of Shawn-D. She felt Avi’s tiny body in her arms, and smiled. Shawn-D would feel much the same, once she had her family back. She stared up at Marlena, “Did something happen?”

“They’re coming,” Marlena whispered, leaning close as she scooped her sleeping child up from the blanket. Tears of joy flowed freely down her cheeks, and Hope just stared at her for a moment in surprise.

Scrambling to her feet, Hope wobbled slightly from dizziness and excitement, “Bo is coming?”

Marlena glanced around again, and then told her, “The groundskeeper said the ISA was coming… tonight… my husband sent help.” Hope started to cry, and Marlena shushed her. “Not here, Hope. Not here. Let’s get Avi inside.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena eyed the clock warily at half past with o’clock. The groundskeeper had said seven o’clock but Marlena, Hope, and Avi had heard nothing. She and Hope had spent the last hour and a half entertaining Avi in Marlena’s room. They had to come. If they didn’t come, and Stefano forced himself on her again, while she was still bleeding from her abortion, she might truly die. Not physically, but spiritually, she would cease to exist. Six years of imprisonment, mental torture, and rape was more than anyone could take. The groundskeeper’s message gave her hope, and if it didn’t happen, if it fell through, she wasn’t sure she could handle it.  

Hope was dealing out another hand of UNO cards when Stefano burst from a hidden panel in the wall of her bedroom, a panel she hadn’t even known existed. Her body shivered with disgust wondering how many times he might have watched her sleep or been in her room without her knowledge. 

He headed straight for her, roaring, “Did you know about this?” 

His hand gestured out towards the compound in a jerky fashion, and that was when she knew. It was true. The ISA was coming. 

His face was red with rage, as spittle flew from his puffy lips. Marlena smiled, while she saw Hope grab Avi up into her arms protectively. Stefano grabbed Marlena’s hair, wrapping his fingers in it brutally, while jerking her forward. He twisted her head to the side, enjoying the look of pain on her face, as he screamed,  “After everything I have done for you? After all of the love I have shown you?”

Avi squirmed out of Hope’s arms, running towards his mother in a panic. Marlena tried to push him behind her, even as the small boy pulled at her cotton dress, attempting to hang onto her. She had already told Hope that if they were separated, she needed to keep Avi with her. “Hope! Hope! Please! Keep him with you!” Marlena cried, scratching at the skin of Stefano’s wrist as he continued to jerk her around by her hair. Her eyes, locked with Hope’s, and she cried, “Keep him safe!” 

Stefano knew immediately that both Marlena and Hope had known about the raid ahead of time. The sound of gunfire outside was coming closer and closer to the main house. He pulled her hair harshly once more, before letting go, and screaming, “You bitch! You knew! You knew that the ISA would be raiding my compound!”

She tried to feign ignorance, while she weakly grabbed at his arm, “I—I don’t know what you’re talking about, Stefano.” She could hear Avi’s screams of fear behind her, and she could hear Hope’s sobs. She felt herself weakening, her mind going to that space where she disassociated, and everything became surreal – a morbid fantastic type of reality, but she pulled herself back. She couldn’t disassociate. She had to keep Stefano focused on her, so he didn’t go after  Avi or Hope. Just as she had done for years, she would sacrifice herself to keep them out of harm’s way. Trying to pull her arm out of his grasp, she smacked Stefano across the face with her free hand, “You’re hurting me!”

In a rage, Stefano swung her body around to face him, releasing her hair, and his fist wrapped around her neck, squeezing tightly while his other hand pinched her face, forcing her to look at him. He gave her a feral smile as he watched her eyes water, and her face turn red. Holding Marlena for several seconds, he watched her eyes start to flutter, and then he released her, allowing her to fall back a step. Reaching for her hair once again, he snatched her back to him, “We are leaving. Say goodbye to your precious little Avi.”

Her hand clenched in her pocket around the syringe she had planted there earlier. Using her thumb and her forefinger, she slipped the cap off of the needle carefully, and continued to hold it tightly in her fist, her thumb on the plunger. She couldn’t make a mistake. She had one chance. The noise outside had moved into the house, the shouting and the gunfire becoming overwhelming. She had to be free of this. She had to stop him. She could hear her son crying for her, and Hope screaming for help. One last shared look between them, and Marlena struck just as Stefano started pulling her towards the secret panel he had emerged from. With all of the power and energy she had left in her body, she swung her left arm up, jamming the needle of the syringe into Stefano’s neck so hard that blood began to trickle out immediately. Before he could pull away, she pressed the plunger, jerking the needle back, and throwing it to the floor with a rage filled, morbid satisfaction. 

Stefano stared at her in shock, and outrage, confused over what had just happened. This was not the usual docile, complacent, Marlena Brady. This was the one he remembered from years ago, full of fire. This was the one he wanted in his bed. He reached for his neck, and then stared at his thick blood smeared on his fingers. Glancing back up at Marlena, he asked her, “What did you do, Lena?”

She stared at him with wide eyes, still surprised that she had actually done it. The empty syringe lay on the floor near Stefano’s feet. Her eyes met Hope’s and she with a gasping breath, she said, “Take him! Take Avi and go!”

“I can’t!” Hope cried. “I can’t leave you! We’re doing this together!” 

“Hope!” Marlena started sobbing, gasping for air. “Please! Take Avi and keep him safe!”

Without saying anything further, Hope scooped Avi up in her arms, and she ran from the room. They would get help. She had to get help.

Marlena turned to stare at Stefano, watching his legs give way as he fell to his knees in front of her. There was a morbid sense of validation in watching him in his last moments of lucidity. She needed to see what she’d done to him. She needed to know that, for once in the last five years of her life, that she wasn’t powerless. She was in control, and Stefano DiMera would never hurt her again. Never.

Stefano knew he was dying. His skin was clammy, and his vision was blurring. He felt his muscles start to spasm uncontrollably. “What did you do?” he yelled at her, his head turning as he looked for something to grab.The room spun, as he cried, “Lena!”

She was watching him, with a gleam in her eye, a sense of satisfaction. Stefano could feel his body shutting down, and if this didn’t kill him, it would most certainly incapacitate him forever. Somehow she found it within herself to approach him, to lean close to him, as she breathed in the scent of his cologne. She nearly wretched with the smell of him, but she forced herself to do it, so she could remember what she hated. Once she stood directly in front of him, he collapsed forward onto his palms, staring up at her, “What did you do to me?”

“Insulin,” she whispered with a slight smile, watching his heavy frame fall to the floor with a loud thud. His scared eyes looked up at her helplessly, as she told him, “I overdosed you on insulin, and if it doesn’t kill you… it will at least keep you away from me, and away from my family for the rest of your life.”

Stefano stared up at her with hate filled eyes, feeling himself start to lose consciousness, and realizing that she had used his own diabetes medicine to very likely end his life. All he could do was watch from his prone position on the plush carpet, as foam frothed from his mouth as she turned and fled the room.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was past ten o’clock that evening when John and Bo received the call from Shane. They had been at the airport since their plane landed at 7:30 pm. During that time the tension had grown as they stared at their watches a least a thousand times. John was ready to roar with frustration when the satellite phone started to beep. He snatched it up, practically screaming into the phone, “Shane?”

Shane couldn’t stop smiling as he said, “John. We have them. It’s Marlena and Hope. You were right, John! You were bloody right!” 

John screamed, causing Shawn D to wake up and shift around, while he reached for Bo, pulling him against him a huge hug. “He’s got them! He’s fucking got them, Bo!”

Shane asked him, “Are you at the airport?”

“Yes. Yes, we’ve been here for hours,” John told him. He glanced over and realized Bo was crying. He was crying too. He wiped at his tears first, and then his nose as he grinned at Bo.

Bo glanced down at Shawn-D asleep on the couch. His mother was alive. Hope was alive. And now his real fear began. He couldn’t help but worry about what condition he’d find her in, and how he would be able to help her cope with whatever her and Marlena had been through. They had survived together for years. Then there was John’s son, a boy near Shawn-D’s age. He sat down on the couch, gently brushing his fingers through his son’s hair, and he took a deep breath. Knowing that they were alive was the first step. Now the real work began.

Shane was having trouble hearing with all of the noise, and he stepped around a vehicle looking for somewhere quieter, “John, the agents… they’re getting Marlena and Hope, as well as Abraham, ready for travel, but you need to know… Marlena’s already been treated for shock. Stefano hurt her. He tried to take her away before we got into the house, and she fought back—she injected him with a near lethal dose of insulin. He’ll be lucky if he survives this, and if he does, he will never fully recover.”

“I want the fucking bastard dead. All that matters is that she’s alive, Hope’s alive, and my son’s alive…  that’s what matters,” John said softly, relief coursing through his body. “How long? When can you be here?”

Shane sighed, “We’re getting them ready now, but it’s going to be a while. We have to drive on unpaved dirt roads for nearly twenty miles, just to get out of this bloody jungle… so three hours? Maybe three and a half?”

John realized he was trembling, he was so overwhelmed. His voice shook as he said, “We’ll be here. Can you—can you tell Doc something for me?”

“I will,” Shane said.

“Tell her—tell her, that no matter what, no matter what, I will be there for her, and our son. I swear on my life, I will be there for her,” John whispered. “Can you do that?”

“I will, John. I’ll see you in about three hours,” Shane said. He disconnected the call, and walked outside, watching as Stefano’s comatose body was lifted into the back of one of the ISA humvees. He’d never expected it to turn out like this. Walking over to the other humvee where Marlena, and Hope sat with Abraham, he said, “Marlena?”

She flinched at the sound of Shane’s voice, and her fingers clenched where she held Hope’s hand tightly, as she shied away from his light touch on her arm. She was petrified, and she was trying not to show it. He pulled his hand back, watching her intently, “John wanted me to—”

Her mind immediately latched onto the name. “John?” she asked softly, feeling hope rise up in her like a mass of butterflies. He already knew. He already knew he wasn’t Roman. 

“I meant, Roman,” he said, but the mistake had already been made. He could see in her eyes that his correction made no difference.

“I know he’s not Roman,” she whispered. “I can look at our son, and know that he wasn’t Roman. I came to terms with that nearly four years ago. So… he—he knows? He already knows that he’s not Roman?”

“He does… he found out about a year ago. He’s going by John Black again. He gave me a message to deliver to you,” he told her with a gentle smile.

Marlena’s eyes started stinging with tears, “He did?”

“He said to tell you that no matter what, he will be there for you. He was very insistent that I relay that message to you.” Shane waited a moment, “He said no matter what.”

She smiled at Shane softly, “Thank you, Shane. Thank you so much. I–I needed to hear that.”

“He thought you might,” Shane told her. “He and Bo are waiting for you. They have Shawn-D with them.”

Hope started crying, her head falling to Marlena’s shoulder in relief. It was all she needed to hear. 

Avi lifted his head from his mothers chest, where he sat straddling her lap. He looked up at Shane with large blue eyes, and whispered, “Muchas gracias señor.”

Shane smiled at the boy who looked so much like John it was uncanny, and he replied softly, “De nada, Avi.”

Once the trucks were on the road, Hope slipped her small hand around Marlena’s neck, “Are you okay, Mar?”

“It hurts,” she said with a rough voice. “But none of it matters. We’re free… you and Avi are safe.”

“I’ll never be able to repay you. Never. All those times when you suffered his wrath to keep his attention away from me. You saved my life… you saved my sanity,” Hope whispered. 

Marlena was quiet for a long time, feeling comfort in the feel of Hope’s hand against her skin. “Adjusting is going to be difficult.” She brushed her fingers through Avi’s black hair, grateful that he was asleep. “Learning how to live again… I don’t know if I can ever be what I need to be… for John, for my children. I feel so fucking broken, Hope.”

“You’ve got me, and you’ll have Bo. I know it… and Rom–… John, I think he’ll be patient,” Hope told her softly. She remembered when Marlena was taken by the ISA, when she’d worked with John in the search for her. He wouldn’t give up. “I think he’ll be with you through this. I have a strong feeling about that.”

“You can’t know that for sure,” Marlena cried softly. Years of having her self confidence destroyed made her doubt everything. She might not be what he wanted, once he found out the truth.

“You didn’t see him in Stockholm. He nearly lost his mind looking for you.” Hope sighed softly, rubbing her face against Marlena’s neck. “He still loves you. I know he does.”

Tipping her face, she kissed Hope’s forehead, and asked, “And what are we going to do about this?”

Knowing what Marlena was referring to, she whispered, “We’re more than friends, but we’re not lovers… maybe we don’t need to do anything about it. We don’t have to define it. Maybe, Mar, what we’ve been through means it’s nobodies fucking business.”

Marlena smiled slightly, and then she kissed Hope gently, whispering, “We’ll figure it out, but I can’t lose my best friend.”

Hope’s eyes started to flutter closed as she said, “You won’t lose me, Mar. You’ll never lose me.”

Chapter 6

    John’s first sighting of Marlena after nearly six years broke his heart. She was too thin, looking wane, with a lavender hue underneath her eyes. She was much thinner than he expected her to be. Her hair had grown long, nearly halfway down her back, in honey blonde waves. It was pulled into a loose disheveled ponytail at the base of her skull. She wore a soft cotton dress of yellow gingham, and in her arms was a small child. His son. John couldn’t see the boy’s face because it was buried in her neck, and his legs were wound tightly around her waist. Tension lined her body, and it translated into the way his son held onto his mother. It was fear, and it was apprehension. Marlena stepped out of the shadow of the humvee, and as soon as she looked up, her eyes caught his. For the first time in six years their eyes met, and John felt it all as if it were yesterday. It nearly broke his heart. Her eyes had always been expressive, telling a story without words, and in that moment her hazel eyes told the saddest story he could imagine. A tale of deprivation, loneliness, and pain. Stefano had hurt her. He’d hurt her so tragically that it would take years to heal. Maybe she would never fully heal, but John knew in an instant that he would be by her side no matter what. He wanted to run to her, and pull her into his arms, but from the look in her eyes it would be a mistake. Rushing towards her, or touching her right then would hurt her more than anything. While her eyes seemed to call for him, she also seemed to be telling him to stay back.

Walking carefully towards her, he reached where she stood at the back end of the humvee, and he smiled softly, saying, “Hey, Doc.” 

The humvees had driven onto the tarmac, parking near the airplane. The walk to the plane would be short, which John was grateful for, because Marlena looked weak and overwhelmed. 

“You came for us,” she said softly, almost as if she was surprised, or it was a question as to whether he would. She smiled, not just because he was there, but because he was there and he knew he wasn’t Roman.

“I would always come for you,” he told her in a gentle voice, studying every nuance of her face. He saw her wariness. She actually believed he might not. She’d been worried that he might leave her. What had Stefano done to her? He glanced down at her neck, and saw the bruising that already showed the impression of someone’s fingers. He wanted to touch her, but all he could do was apologize. “He hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

Avi heard the strange man’s voice, and lifted his face from where he’d been hiding in his mother’s neck. He watched John carefully with wide blue eyes. 

That face. John was immediately struck with love. That was his son. His boy. He couldn’t get over how much the child looked like him. Glancing at Marlena, their eyes caught, and he realized just from that short glance at his child, Marlena knew he wasn’t Roman. Looking at his son again, there was no way she didn’t know. 

The two of them studied each other – a young child and a middle aged man. The shape of Avi’s face, and the slope of his nose. Then there was his dark black hair, and the smirk he wore as if he’d studied John for years. 

Marlena tipped her head down, speaking quietly to their son, “Avi, honey, this is your Daddy. Remember I told you stories about him?”

Avi stared at John with even more interest, as if he already knew him. His Daddy was a hero. “Mio Papà?”

She smiled, kissing his head. Stroking his soft hair, she replied, “Yes, baby, your Papà.”

Avi studied John intently, and then looked at Marlena again, “English or Spanish?”

“English, honey,” she told him. She hoped that the stories she’d been telling Avi since birth were enough. She hoped that Avi knew how much this man would love him, and how safe he would be with him. “Do you want to say hello?” 

Avi may never have met John, but he knew of him. His whole life had been filled with stories of his father. His father was a brave man. He saved lives. His father was romantic. His father was kind. Avi had built John up to be a man who was safe, a man who would protect them at all costs, and never hurt his mother. His Papi would never let Stefano hurt them now that they were gone. Avi loved John, without even knowing him, simply because Marlena had made sure he did.

The little boy held out his arms, reaching for his father, and after a small nod from Marlena, John stepped closer. Avi stroked John’s face, touching his jaw, and tracing his fingers over his eyebrows. “Papà,” he whispered with a little smile. John remembered when Sami and Eric were this small. His son fell into his arms, and John knew what it felt like to fall in love at first sight. Avi looked up at him, and used his small hand to touch his face softly, “I look like you, Papà. Mama told me I do.”

“I think you do, too,” John said in a voice choked with emotion, realizing he had tears in his eyes. He glanced over at Marlena, who was watching him intently. As alert as her eyes were, she looked exhausted, and broken. The windward breeze came in off of the sea, and was blowing loose strands of her hair across her face. He was fascinated, watching her brush it away from her face with the back of her hand. Longing, and sadness hit him hard and fast, as that one small, small gesture, tore his heart open again. He wanted to hold her, but he held back. Instead, he held his hand out to her, allowing her the choice to take it, but not forcing her. He could tell from her demeanor that sudden movements or unwanted touches would only serve to scare her right then. 

Marlena stared at his hand for several beats. Her heart was racing so quickly she felt the pounding of it in her neck. Did she dare? Could she touch him? She had dreamed of it so often over the years. Slowly, she reached for him, allowing his hand to encompass hers. His soft fingers slid across her palm; a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding released. John smiled at her. A soft, kind smile, and then he started leading her toward the plane, but she suddenly stopped, her head swiveling side to side in a panic. She’d only taken only a few steps towards the plane, and already she was panicking. She asked frantically, scared for a moment, “Where’s Hope?”

“She’s already on board,” John said in a reassuring tone. Marlena’s hand in his was so tight it was almost painful. She was squeezing him so hard. “Bo brought Shawn-D with us, and he was asleep on the plane.”

“You’re sure?” she asked. She stared at the plane feeling as if it could be a trap. A trick. A way to mess with her mind. That’s all her life had been for six years. She stared at John, needing to believe he was telling her the truth. “She’s on the plane?”

Sensing something he didn’t fully understand, John leaned down, making sure he had her full attention. “I promise. I swear, Doc, she’s on the plane, and she’s waiting for you.” He felt Marlena’s hand relax slightly. Hope had disappeared two years ago. If Marlena and Hope had spent that time trying to survive Stefano, and keep Avi safe, John knew that there would be a bond there. A deep bond, and it would be his job to understand it. He glanced at the plane, and said to her gently, “Do you need her? Will that help you right now? Bo and I decided that we’re not going to take you back to Salem right away. We thought that you and Hope might need—”

“—thank you,” she whispered, staring up at him. “Thank you.”

“Doc, baby, I will do anything for you… anything,” he said emphatically, hoping she could understand the depth of what he was telling her. “Whatever you need… we’ll figure it out together, but I promise I won’t leave your side.”

She nodded, so overwhelmed with emotion that she couldn’t speak. She was scared to ask for what she needed, because it had been so long since her needs were a consideration, or maybe it was because she wasn’t sure what she needed. Over and over she told herself she was safe. She was safe. She felt a tremble in her muscles that she couldn’t control. She was safe for the first time in six years, and she was scared to death. And she didn’t understand it. How was it that Stefano’s horror seemed more stable than the unknown she was walking into? The wind blew again, and she caught the smell of John’s cologne as it passed her by. Spicy, soapy, musk. Anxiety was in control, and she felt a panic attack coming on. 

“Hope!” she whispered, staring up at him with wide eyes. She started to spiral, a feeling so familiar she wanted to close her eyes and let take her. She softly gasped out, “Hope.” And then it started to drag her down. As if she were drowning. A scream started to build in the back of her throat.

Avi started frantically squirming in John’s arms, “Papà, Papà… Hope… Mama needs Hope.”

John couldn’t explain it. Out of nowhere Hope appeared at the top of the stairs, her body outlined with the light from the aircraft. She started descending as fast as she could, face etched with fear as she ran towards them, her eyes locked on Marlena. John was entranced as he watched her throw her arms around Marlena, whispering in her ear. Marlena’s body shook with silent gasps, and Hope’s hands slid up, and down her back.

“Hope!” Marlena gasped. “Hope! I can’t–I can’t br–breathe…”

“It’s over,” Hope whispered quietly. “Mar… Mar, do you hear me? We’re safe. It’s over. It’s over. I promise. Look around you. Look around, Mar. You’re safe. Do you hear me?”

“I hear you,” she said, still taking shuddering gasps of air. “I–I hear you. I hear you. I hear you.” She rubbed her face against Hope’s neck, breathing her in as she struggled to regain control of her breathing. Her arms were wrapped tightly around Hope’s neck, clinging to her.

John watched them. He heard everything they were saying. Their bond was much more than sister, or friends. There was something else there. Tears poured from Marlena’s eyes, and she held onto Hope as if she were a tether to her sanity. Maybe she was. He watched as Marlena continued to rub her cheek against the slender curve of Hope’s neck, and he saw Hope plant small kisses on her temple, and her forehead. They were very close. John thought about his recent memories, and the memories that had been surfacing during his time with Stefano. He wasn’t certain how he survived. He sometimes wondered if his inability to recall it all was actually a blessing. Whatever the two women in front of him had been through, they had been through it together. He had to respect that.

Avi leaned close to John’s ear, and he whispered, “Sometimes Mama cries, and Hope makes her better. She gives her hugs and then Mama doesn’t cry anymore.”

“John said you were on the plane, but in my mind… I thought it was a trick. I thought you might be gone.” Marlena’s head rested on Hope’s shoulder, her shaking fingers twined in her hair. When her eyes opened her gaze locked with John’s, and she lifted her face wiping at her eyes quickly. What was he thinking? She wiped her hands over her dress, and took a deep breath.

“Come on,” Hope whispered. She took Marlena’s hand in hers with a wide smile, “I want you to meet my son. My little boy.” 

Hope led Marlena over to John, and she smiled at him, “Hey there.”

John couldn’t help the grin that came over his face, “Hey you. I sure missed you, Hope.”

Marlena watched them, and relief coursed through her. She held Hope’s hand tightly in her left one, but she reached out the right towards John. Would he take it after what he’d witnessed? Did he really mean it when he said anything? 

It was a test. He took her hand in his, shifting Avi’s weight to his other arm, and he said to them, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Relief coursed through her, and her body started to give way. She couldn’t take anymore. Her feet tripped, and she stumbled, leaning heavily on Hope. They stopped walking again. John could see Bo standing in the doorway of the plane watching.

“Mama?” Avi whispered, leaning towards her, and reaching for her. The boy started crying, “Mama?”

“Hey, Avi?” John said quietly. The boy looked up at John, waiting to see what he would say. John told him, “If I put you down, can you hold Hope’s hand?” Avi nodded his head, and slid down his fathers body slowly, taking his little hand and grabbing Hope. “Don’t let go, okay son?” John tipped his head down towards Marlena, whispering, “Doc? Honey… I’m going to pick you up, so we can get on the plane. Can I pick you up?”

She was so tired. She couldn’t stop shaking, and started crying again, her sobs becoming uncontrollable, as she took in gasping heaves of air. She couldn’t think. It was as if everything was collapsing around her, and all she could think to do was bury herself in the recesses of her mind. Nothing was breaking through until she heard her son’s voice, “¿Puede Papà llevarte a mamá? [Can Daddy carry you, Mama?]” She felt Avi’s tug on her sweater, and she simply nodded her head, because she had nothing left in her. There was no strength for speech. There was nothing.

As gently as he possibly could, John lifted Marlena into his arms. She was limp, one arm hanging awkwardly, while the other twisted into the cotton of his shirt. Her head fell against his chest, and her eyes closed.

Hope watched it all with interest. Once Marlena was settled, she looked at Avi, and said, “Let’s go, little man.”

“Okay,” was his only reply. John had noticed that Avi seemed unnaturally quiet, but he couldn’t focus on any of that right now. He needed to get them to Washington state. He’d purchased a house in Seabrook. Since he and Bo weren’t certain how long they would need to be there, buying was a better option, and John would rather own a property outright, rather than have to interact with a landlord. What they were about to embark on didn’t need any eyes prying from the outside. He ascended the steps onto the plane feeling joy. No matter what was coming, he and Bo had their families back. The rest would work itself out. John knew they were about to begin what would be the long process of helping Marlena, Hope, and Avi heal.

Once they stepped onto the plane, Bo was finally able to get a good look at John’s son, and he had to admit that the boy looked just like his father. Hope had told him that Marlena had already deduced that John wasn’t Roman, simply based on her child’s face. Avi glanced around warily when he boarded, holding Hope’s hand tightly.

The boy followed John as he set Marlena on the couch. Her eyes barely opened, as she whispered, “Thank you.” John pushed her hair back from her forehead, staring at her face for a moment. She’d fallen into an exhausted sleep already, probably before he’d even laid her down. 

John glanced over, watching as Hope kneeled in front of Avi, “I’m going to go sit with Bo and Shawn-D. You stay here with your Mama and Papà, okay?”

Avi nodded, and said, “Yes, but… you’re staying with us, right? You’re not leaving me?”

“I’m not leaving,” she told him, pushing a lop of his hair back from his face. “I would never leave you. It’s just we have to be seated, and put on seat belts when the plane takes off.”

“Seat belts?” Avi asked. “Like in the humvee?”

Hope kissed his cheek, and then stood up. “Exactly, smart boy.”

John saw the way Avi kept looking towards Bo and Shawn-D. Realizing the boy was probably scared of Bo and curious about Shawn-D, John told him, “No one here will hurt you. Do you understand? No one will hit you, or yell at you. No one will hurt your Mama and no one will hurt Hope either. I promise.” Pointing his finger in Bo’s direction, John said, “That man right there is like my brother. He’s the safest person I know.”

“Okay,” Avi said quietly.

Wanting to give Avi the option, he whispered, “You can go over there if you want to, or you can stay here. No one will force you to do something you don’t want to do, if you don’t feel safe.”

Avi’s eyes widened, “Never?”

John smiled, “Absolutely never ever, and later, after the plane is in the air, you can go sit with Hope if you want to, but her feelings won’t be hurt if you stay over here with me, and your Mama.”

Avi glanced over where Hope sat talking to her family, “They won’t?”

“Nope,” John said.

Hope looked up and Avi waved at her shyly, while saying in his bravest voice, “I’m going…” He looked at John again, and said a little quieter, “I’m going to stay over here with you and Mama.”

Hope couldn’t help it. She had to reassure him. She got up from where she was sitting, and came over to Avi, sitting on the floor beside him. She pulled the boy into her arms, and kissed him, saying, “Someday, when you’re ready, you’re going to love Bo. And when Shawn-D wakes up… I think you’re going to love him too.”

Glancing at Bo again, Avi said, “Okay.” Once Hope got up, and walked away Avi climbed onto the couch beside his mother, whispering, “Nadie nos va a pegar ni a gritar porque Papá lo dijo. [No one is going to hit us or yell at us, because daddy said so.]”

“Doc?” John said quietly checking to see if she was awake. Her eyes were closed, but they fluttered open to stare at him intently. He touched her hand softly, “Are you okay, if I tell the pilot we’re ready to go?”

Closing her eyes in exhaustion, she whispered, “Yes. Yes… I never want to come here again. I’m ready.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and Avi were finally asleep. Bo and Shawn-D were asleep too. John noticed that both of them seemed to sleep fitfully, as if their safety was never guaranteed. Hope was awake, and watching him. Her intense green eyes seemed to be waiting for something. Finally she got up quietly from the chair she was curled up in, and she walked towards the rear of the plane, gesturing for John to follow. 

They stood together in the gulley, near the rear of the plane. The curtain was open so they could clearly see their loved ones. Looking down at Hope, John whispered quietly, “He hurt her, didn’t he?”

“He hurt her more than anyone should have to endure,” Hope said, softly. “There were some nights when she cried for hours, and then there were nights when she couldn’t speak at all.”

“It’s all my fault,” he said, tears falling from his eyes. “It was a trick the first time, when Orpheus blew up the house. She wasn’t dead, so why would the second time be any different? I fucking gave up, Hope. The Coast Guard said there was no way someone could have survived, and the wreckage was spread out over miles… and I just believed them. I believed them, and walked away. Why the fuck did I do that?”

Hope was quiet for a while, and then she told him, “John, we all believed she was gone.”

His voice choked with emotion, “But she wasn’t! I should have looked for her…I should have–”

“–what?” Hope asked him. “Look at me, John. What would you have done? Where would you have gone? There’s nothing you could have done! We didn’t know! After Ernesto took me, he gave me over to Stefano. You can imagine my shock to find Marlena there with a three year old child. None of us knew.”

“I can’t accept that, Hope! I can’t accept that at all, because while I went back to Salem… Doc was… fuck.” He held his head in his hands for a moment, and finally looked up, “How did she end up with Stefano? Did she tell you?”

“Orpheus sold her. It was the same for me,” Hope whispered, gazing over to make sure that everyone was still sleeping. “He faked her death, and then sold her. Marlena thinks that Orpheus wanted to be rid of her, just in case you didn’t believe she died, and you went looking for him… Orpheus would be able to say definitively that he didn’t have you. Selling her to Stefano was just another way to hurt you, even if you didn’t know it.”

John stared at Marlena, asleep on the couch. “She was pregnant, Hope! She would have been very obviously pregnant by then.”

“She was, and Stefano has used Avi as leverage against her ever since. She would do anything… anything…to keep that boy safe… to keep me safe,” Hope told him, hoping he’d understand what she really meant. “She has done so much for me, I could never repay it.”

“She would never want you to repay it. We both know that. But Stefano took advantage of that, didn’t he? He manipulated her, and coerced her, leaving her broken, and scared. She sacrificed herself for you and our child… and I’m not blaming you. I would never blame you. It’s simply who she is,” John whispered. “Did he rape her, Hope?”

Hope glanced over at Marlena, and then back to John, and she nodded. Her chest tightened, and she felt her throat start to feel thick. Fat tears fell from her eyes, and she tried to wipe them away, but there was nothing she could do. “He tried to act as if it wasn’t rape… but it was. She didn’t want it, but to protect me, to protect Avi… but it was an impossible choice, and that means it was rape.”

He recognized the signs from his years doing police work. Marlena’s reluctance for touch, her wariness around him, her protectiveness of Avi, and what little information he’d gotten from Shane all pointed to her being a victim of Stefano’s madness. Then there was Avi’s quiet words, Sometimes Mama cries, and Hope makes her better. She gives her hugs and then Mama doesn’t cry anymore. Being a victim of Stefano’s sick games for nearly six years would change anyone. Roman was a perfect example of that, but Marlena was a shell of the once defiant, confidant, self-possessed woman she used to be. 

“I’m going to get her through this,” John said. He stared at Hope for  few seconds, and then he said softly, “I feel like you’re going to be there for her too.”

“I can’t leave her. She and I… I don’t know what to call it, John. It’s not love. I mean we’re not in love in the traditional sense, but I feel for her more than I should, and she… she cares for me.” Hope wasn’t sure what to say, or how to explain it without it coming out sounding confused. 

“I don’t care,” he said, wiping the tears from Hope’s cheeks. “I don’t care. If she needs you… in whatever capacity she needs you, I want you there. Splitting the two of you up right now would be the worst idea.”

Hope wasn’t sure what she had expected, but it wasn’t that. John’s empathy would be the thing that drove their healing. Glancing over at Bo, she could only wish that he was as understanding. 

“We should both try to get some sleep,” he said. John walked over to where Marlena and Avi were sleeping on the other couch, and slid to the floor near their heads, leaning back against the couch. His head fell back against the armrest, and he started to doze off, content to be near them, and know that they existed. A small flame of hope came to life in his belly when he felt Marlena’s small hand slide over his shoulder, and fist in the fabric of his t-shirt, right at his neckline. 

She didn’t let go, and she made no move to touch him further. She’d heard the whole conversation. He wasn’t going to leave her, and he understood about Hope. It was what she’d needed to hear. Barely above a whisper, she said, “Thank you.”

Just before he fell asleep, he told her, “I would do anything for you, Doc.”

Chapter 7

The house was beautiful. John had only seen photographs which had been sent to him via overnight mail, but as soon as he’d seen them, he’d decided the home was perfect. Money wasn’t an object. Running EcoSystems and turning it into one of the most successful companies in the world made that possible. It was set on a small hill right inside a bay, so it was protected from the harshest winds.  It was large. Probably too large. The side facing the water was floor to ceiling windows, from which you had 360 degree views. The natural light was amazing, and it had been one of the reasons John had fallen in love with it. The living area was an open concept combined with the kitchen, and a huge fireplace. The realtor he’d worked with had assured him that the property was one of the best in the area. Wooden steps led down to the private beach below, but the house also had a pool for use in the summer, and a pool house. It had more bedrooms than they would ever need. He’d decided on the flight to Washington that he would offer Marlena and Avi the master bedroom, and he would take another room by himself. Bo and Hope would be able to figure out their arrangements.

Although they’d arrived midmorning, everyone was exhausted. John was grateful that he’d thought ahead and had already arranged for clothing for Marlena, Avi, and Hope to be delivered to the house, as well as toiletries. The realtor had been more than willing to get the house live-in ready before their arrival. After the drive from the airport, John had carried a sleeping Marlena in the house, while Hope had carried Avi. In less than a half hour, they were all asleep.

John woke around 4:00 pm, and made his way down the hallway, towards the kitchen. He was starving, and he’d been such a mess the day before he couldn’t remember eating anything past a quick breakfast that consisted of black coffee and a granola bar. As he was entering the kitchen, he heard a small voice behind him, and the patter of little feet, “Papà?” 

“Hey there, Avi,” John said softly, kneeling down, staring into the same face he must have possessed as a child. “Is your Mama still asleep?” Avi nodded his head, and continued to stare at his father with wide-eyes. He was such a quiet child. John stood up, reaching for his son’s hand, “I was going to make some food. Are you hungry?” Again, Avi gave him a nod in the affirmative, and John smiled. He might be quiet, but his eyes were bright, and they were observant.  “What kind of food do you like to eat?” Avi simply stared at him, so John decided he was going to make Sami and Eric’s favorite dinner. “Did your Mama tell you that you have a brother and sister? They’re twins.” Avi shook his head yes, still staring at John as if he hung the moon. “I’m going to make us their favorite dinner, would you like that? So, have you ever had tomato soup and grilled cheese?” Shaking his head no, the boy followed John into the kitchen, and allowed John to put him up on a stool near the kitchen island. “Now, I’m going to need a helper though. Can you be my kitchen helper?” Avi nodded his head yes, and John sighed softly. Leaning down so that they were on the same level, John whispered, “You know, son, you can say yes and no. I’d like it if you wanted to talk to me.”

Avi watches him for a moment. He’s scared. His Papà is so nice to him. He wants him to stay nice. He said quietly, “I don’t want to be too loud.”

“Too loud? Kids are supposed to be loud. Otherwise, how would I know if you’re having any fun? Huh?” He smiled, “Don’t worry. You won’t be too loud, and you won’t make me mad, because I want to know what you’re thinking,” John said, pulling cheese and butter from the fridge. He tossed a loaf of bread on the counter, and then searched the pantry for canned tomato soup. “Besides, you have to talk if you’re going to be my kitchen helper, okay?”

“Okay,” Avi whispered, watching his father as he moved around the kitchen.

John heard another door open and close at the other end of the hall, and looked up to see a disheveled Shawn-D, running towards them at breakneck speed, “Unca John! I thought evry’body was sleepin’!””

He laughed, lifting Shawn-D onto a stool beside Avi. “Not everybody, but we gotta be quiet okay?”

Shawn-D watched Avi curiously. He sure didn’t say much. Scooching around on the stool to get comfortable, he whispered, “Yeah, sorry. I’m hungry. Are you going to cook?”

“I was going to make some grilled cheese and tomato soup. Would you like some? Avi’s my kitchen helper,” John said smiling at Avi. “Sami and Eric love it when I make grilled cheese and Tomato soup.”

Bouncing excitedly, Shawn-D asked, “Can I help too?”

“Sure can,” John told him. “Is that okay with you Avi? Two kitchen helpers mean we eat sooner.” 

“Yes,” the small boy replied.

John handed them each a butter knife, and the room temperature butter. “Put some butter on one side of each slice. Can you do that for me? Spread it in a nice thin layer, and don’t forget the corners.”

“My Daddy never lets me do this!” Shawn-D said with a huge smile, beginning to smear great globs of butter across the bread. “He says I put holes in the bread.”

Avi watched the other child with interest. He seemed to be making quite a mess, but then he glanced at his Papà and he didn’t seem to care. Avi started to slowly put butter on a slice of bread, doing just what his Papà had told him and getting the corners too. He was very careful to get it all the way to the edges. Just as he finished his first one he realized that Shawn-D had finished five slices, but not very well. 

John smirked to himself when he saw Avi slide one of Shawn-D’s finished slices towards himself, fixing the way the butter was spread. It was then, completely distracted and onto another tangent, that Shawn-D started talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Avi listened intently, while methodically fixing each slice of bread.

Shawn-D chattered on without noticing, “So the Ninja Turtles are Michelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo, and Rafael—”

“—why are they named after artists?” Avi asked softly. He thought about the art books his Mama had shown him.

“Who?” Shawn-D asked, confused. He was on a roll and Avi just interrupted him asking him a weird question.

“The turtles,” Avi said softly. “Why did someone name the turtles after artists… if they are ninjas?”

John was surprised that Avi had spoken up, and he waited to see what Shawn-D would say. Shawn-D looked confused for a moment, and then burst out in surprise, “What? Really? Unca John, the Ninja Turtles are named after artists?”

John knew nothing about the Ninja Turtles aside from what Eric used to say, but in truth, he’d never really thought about it. “Sounds like it, buddy. Really old, dead, artists,” John said laughing, as he placed Avi’s slices of buttered bread in a pan. “Avi, can you hand me the cheese, please?”

Avi handed his Papà the cheese, while still watching Shawn-D as if he were a new species of animal he couldn’t quite figure out. He was bouncy, and kind of loud. He asked a lot of questions, and got really excited about things. Avi looked at his father, and smiled as John just shrugged his shoulders and laughed. 

Shawn-D bounced on the stool, “What kind of stuff did they draw? Like trees and stuff?” He watched Avi as if he was waiting for the boy’s expert opinion.

Avi was quiet for a moment, and John wondered if his son would even answer. Finally he said, “Some of them paint, but some of them make statues and… and Leonardo was a scientist too. Not just an artist. He was really smart.”

Shawn-D stared at Avi, completely impressed at his nearly six years of age. “You must be real smart. Who told you that?”

“My Mama. My Mama taught me a lot of things,” Avi said softly. “She’s very smart. She reads me books, and tells me stories.”

“Your mother is the smartest woman I know,” John told him. He flipped the sandwiches, and checked the heat on the soup, as he continued to listen to the boys with half an ear, while he finished cooking. Two weeks ago, he couldn’t have imagined where he’d be. It was so wonderfully fulfilling he feared he would wake and find it was all a dream.

“Shredder,” Shawn-D was saying, “He’s the bad guy. Not a good guy. He’s always trying to hurt people. The Ninja Turtles, they gotta fight him. I never met a bad guy before. You ever meet a bad guy, Avi?”

“I know a bad guy,” Avi whispered, thinking of Stefano the night before. “He—he hit my Mama, and he pulled her hair. He makes her cry a lot… and he… he yells at me, so I have to be very quiet.” Even softer, he said, “Very quiet…”

John’s hand was shaking with rage when he dropped the spatula onto the floor with a clatter, causing both boys to jump. Trying to play it off, he laughed, scooping it off the floor, “Sorry about that, boys. It just slipped out of my hand.” Inside he was vibrating with anger. Avi had witnessed Stefano’s abuse. That’s why he was so quiet.

Shawn-D was too young to understand the implications of what Avi was saying, and he excitedly turned on the stool, saying, “Unca John, Avi knows a bad guy!”

“I made sure to get Marlena, Avi, and your mom away from that bad guy, Shawn-D. He won’t touch them ever again,” John promised. “He won’t hurt them ever again.”

“He won’t? I won’t never see him again?” Avi wanted to know. If his Papà made that promise it had to be true. 

John stepped closer, tipping his face down to Avi’s level, and he said quietly, “Never again.” He said it so firmly and with such conviction that Avi believed it with all of the faith he could house in his tiny heart. 

John slid plates with grilled cheese in front of the boys, along with a small bowl of soup. Sitting down with his own food beside them on another stool, he said, “Now, there’s a trick that makes this really good. Do you know what it is?” Both boys stared at John waiting to see what the trick was. Shawn-D eyed the soup as if it were something he’d never seen before. They both watched John as he lifted half of a grilled cheese, and dipped it into the soup, before tearing a bite off, roughly. Avi’s eyes went wide.

“Ewww! That’s gross!” Shawn-D said loudly.

“Did you try it yet?” John wanted to know, still chewing his food. “Because, if you didn’t try it, you can’t say it’s gross, Shawn-D.”

Avi knew his Papà was the smartest man in the whole wide world. If he said you had to try it before you said it was gross, he was going to try it. He picked up half of his grilled cheese, dipping it into the soup, and bit off a small corner, chewing with a concentrated look. John had never seen a child take tasting so seriously. After a moment, Avi swallowed and smiled, “It’s good, Papà. Thank you.”

“You sure it’s good?” Shawn-D asked Avi. “’Cause it don’t look good.”

“It’s good,” the boy said, as he continued to eat quietly.

John stopped paying attention, when Marlena stepped into the kitchen. He was so surprised to see her, he forgot himself for a moment. Her long blonde hair hung in waves around her shoulders, disheveled and fucking beautiful. John was again struck by how thin she seemed.

Avi looked up, and smiled broadly, happy to show his mother how his day was going. “Mama! Papà made me some soup and a cheese sandwich.”

She smiled at him softly, standing on the opposite side of the kitchen island. Her stomach rumbled quietly. “It looks like it tastes good.”

“Papà said that it’s Sami and Eric’s favorite dinner,” he told her quietly. “And now I know I like it too.”

She looked at John hopefully, desperate for any information she could get about her children. “Is it?” She was feeling so lost right now. She knew nothing about the twins. They were toddlers when she was taken. Carrie had been a pre-teen. There was so much she needed to know, and figuring out where to start was going to be hard. Small bits of information, like learning they loved tomato soup and grilled cheese, felt like a gift.

“Well, Doc,” John said, trying to keep the conversation light. “If you remember, I was never great in the kitchen. I have a few things I can make, this being one of them, and yes, it’s the twins favorite. Would you like some? Because these boys are professional bread butterers.” He stood up, and got another bowl from the cabinet.

Marlena laughed softly, a sound that seemed foreign to her ears. “They are?”

“They sure are,” John said, tossing two more slices of buttered bread in the pan. “Once I get this cooked up, you’ll see. It’s the best grilled cheese you’ll ever have, because these boys know what they’re doing. I’m serious, professional bread butterers, both of them.”

Avi smiled up at John, as if he had just told him he was the smartest boy in the world, and Marlena felt a small corner of her frozen heart melt a little. If John could put that smile on their son’s face, maybe everything would be okay. “Thank you, John,” she said, standing there, awkwardly.

“Doc, honey, have a seat. I’ll handle this,” John told her as he puttered around the kitchen. She settled on a stool across from Avi, and he gave her another big smile as he kept eating.

“I smell food!” Bo said in a booming voice that reminded John of Shawn. His heavy tread was heard coming down the hallway, followed by Hope, who immediately went to Marlena. Bo walked up behind John, peeking over his shoulder, and asked, “What are you cooking?”

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup,” Shawn-D said with a shrug. “It looks gross, but it tastes okay, I guess.”

John glanced over to see Hope step close to Marlena, reaching out to hold her face in her hands, “You okay?”

“I’m okay,” she replied. “I’m okay.”

Hope stared at her for a moment longer, pushing a strand of Marlena’s hair behind her ear, and said, “You sure? No lies, Mar.”

Smiling softly, Marlena rubbed her cheek against Hope’s and replied, “Yes. I’m sure… no lies.”

“Okay,” Hope said before turning her attention to Avi. “Hey little man. You’ve got your Dad making you food already?” Avi just smiled at her fondly, chewing his last bite of grilled cheese.

Bo was quiet, trying to process what he’d just seen, and then he whispered to John, “Did you see that?”

“I did… and I don’t mind it,” he said quietly. 

“I’m not saying I mind it… I’m just not sure what it is,” Bo told him.

“At this point, does it matter?” John asked with a shrug, plating Marlena’s sandwich. “We have our families back. The rest will fall into place.”

“I guess,” Bo said warily. He wasn’t upset. He was curious. They were so openly affectionate, and they never had been before. He sat on another stool, and thought about the things Hope had told him before they fell asleep. About Stefano’s threats to hurt her, and his threats to send Avi away. She told him that through it all, Marlena was the one to put herself in harm’s way… to take the pain that Stefano dealt. John was right. It didn’t matter. The rest would fall into place.

John ladled some soup in a bowl for Marlena, and slid her food across the kitchen island towards her, “Eat up. I thought we might go for a walk on the beach later. You’ll need your energy.”

Marlena stared at the food, unable to remember when she last ate. Hope was on her all the time about skipping meals. She either forgot to eat, or she was too upset to eat. She looked at John, and it was like he knew, because he stared at her for a moment, and said softly, “Please, baby? Just try.”

Nodding her head, she pulled the plate closer, and picked up the sandwich, taking a bite, while he watched her. His kindness made her feel confused. She wasn’t sure how to react, so she simply whispered, “Thank you.”

The room was quiet for some time as John continued to cook, and everyone else was engrossed with their food. Marlena was staring out at the water, and Avi had gone around to sit on her lap, when Shawn-D broke the silence asking loudly, “Hey, Dad. Avi said he knows a bad guy, like Shredder.”

John’s heart swelled with pride when Avi’s small voice piped up, and said, “My Papà said we won’t have to see him again. Not ever again.”

And there it was, Marlena’s heart melted a little more. Maybe that’s how she would heal. Tiny things, small moments, glimpses of love and trust – all of it would melt her heart, and maybe then she could love again.

Chapter 8

Marlena sat with John on the wooden steps that led down to the water watching Avi and Shawn-D explore along the beach. The two boys were so different. Avi was quiet and introspective, watching and studying the world around him. Shawn-D blasted through life with exuberance and joy as if everyone should step out of his path. Watching them together was simply magic. Shawn-D  ran towards Avi yelling excitedly. He grabbed Avi’s hand, pulling him towards a large bit of driftwood. 

Bo and Hope had walked further down, and were obviously deep in their own conversation. John thought that Marlena and Hope’s interactions over the last few days might be the topic of conversation. It wasn’t that they were romantic or even sexual in nature, but they were much more affectionate than they ever might have been prior to their kidnappings. Marlena often reached out for Hope without thought, as if it were second nature. Bo seemed increasingly curious about their hand holding, embraces, and sometimes nuzzling. John refused to put a name to it, or even judge it. Surviving Stefano was hard enough on his own. If Marlena and Hope had each other during that time, in whatever capacity, he wasn’t questioning it. As they adjusted to their new lives, they might naturally drift apart, and if they didn’t… John would cross that bridge when they came to it. 

He sighed gently, glancing over at Marlena. Her eyes were closed, and she leaned back on her palms, allowing the breeze to wash over her face. It was almost too cold to sit outside like this, there was a bite to the air, and a nip to the skin that was a prelude of the frigid night to come. Marlena had been very quiet, almost introspective since they had arrived two days earlier. He’d called Carrie the first night, telling her that he’d been correct, Marlena was alive, but that it was incredibly complicated, and she was going to need time to heal. He didn’t ask Carrie to keep it quiet, but he knew she would. John was giving Marlena the space she needed, placing himself in her general proximity, simply to reassure her that he was there, but he hadn’t touched her since that first night, when he’d carried her onto the plane.

The heat from the sun warmed her face, even as the bite in the sea air assaulted her skin. Marlena felt as if she were in a dream. It had been so long since she had been free, that she didn’t seem to know what to do with it. Stefano had tried to give her the illusion of freedom, but she’d been nothing more than prey in a cage. Even now, she woke from nightmares two to three times per night, covering her mouth to keep from crying out and waking her son. The only time she had felt any real peace was when she allowed Hope to hold her, or when she was on the airplane and she’d twisted her fist into John’s t-shirt. The breeze blew harder for a moment, and she caught his scent again, breathing deeply beside him. She wanted to trust him, and she wanted to be close to him, but it was going to take time, and she wasn’t sure he would have the patience to give her that time. They had been apart for so long, she didn’t trust her memories. They told her he would keep her safe, but those years with Stefano had rewritten the story.

John saw her breathe him in when the wind changed direction. She was inhaling him, and it brought him some calm. She wasn’t shutting him out completely, and that was a huge relief. If she was able to associate his scent with something positive in her life right now, and if that was the only thing he could provide her, that was acceptable. Her hand was beside his on the wide step, since they were both leaning back on their palms, and he itched to touch her. Sliding his hand nearer to hers, he snaked his pinky finger out, brushing it over hers softly. She didn’t flinch, and she didn’t recoil. She glanced down at where he touched her, and then she closed her eyes again. John started talking to her softly, as he hooked his little finger around hers, almost as a way to distract her. “You know the Twinners are amazing, Doc. Absolutely amazing.”

Even though her hair was braided down her back, she had small fine golden hairs framing her face that blew across her brow. He’d never known her with her hair that long, and he had to admit, it was beautiful. John had to force back all of his natural inclinations with her. His desire to brush her hair off of her forehead was strong, but instead he watched, as she brushed it aside with irritation, saying, “Can you tell me about them?”

“Eric lets Sami take the lead, so if he’s in trouble, it’s usually because of her,” John said with a laugh. “He loves fruit, and baseball. He’s sensitive, like you… like Avi. He can read people so quickly… he has your eyes. That greenish hazel color with flecks of freckles in them.”

Marlena sat up, wiping her hands across the tops of her jeans before facing him. “Do you… do you have pictures of them?”

“I do,” he said, reaching back for his wallet. “They aren’t current, because— anyway…” He didn’t want to go there yet. Telling her about what Roman had done was something that could come about gradually. John pulled three photos out of his wallet, and handed them to Marlena, watching that soft smile turn the corners of her mouth up. “Sami is bubbly, excitable, always ready with a new idea. I don’t think she stops moving… and Carrie. She is such an amazing young woman.”

Marlena stared at the photos of Eric, Sami, and Carrie, and found herself crying again. They had grown so much, and she had missed it all. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, “I feel like all I’m doing lately is crying.”

“That’s why we’re here, Doc. You can cry as much as you want. I brought you here to heal, and I know that’s not going to happen in a week, or even a month. It’s a process, and how you do it… that’s not up to me, baby. That’s up to you.” He tipped his head slightly to catch her gaze, “But I’m here for the journey. You’re in the driver’s seat, but I’m riding shotgun, Doc.”

“I forgot how amazing you are,” she said softly. She glanced back out over the bay, before saying, “This place… you picked the perfect place. The most perfect place.” She watched the sunlight play over the waves as they gently lapped at the shore. “When did you find out you weren’t Roman?”

She’d broached the subject, so it was time to start the conversation. John sighed softly, remembering that day with a sick feeling that encompassed his whole body. He was silent for a few beats, and then he said, “Roman’s alive.”

Her heart stuttered, and then she found it hard to breathe. Marlena just stared at him, blankly for a moment, and then whispered, “What?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that,” John said. He rolled his shoulders trying to release the tension that seemed to live there. “He, um… he came back to Salem a year ago, and…” He was afraid. Every bit of his focus was on Marlena. He wasn’t sure what she could handle right then, and the chaos of his last year was exactly that. Chaos.

“I know what you’re doing,” she said. He was afraid to tell her what had happened. He was editing his words. “Can you just tell me? I don’t want lies, or secrecy. I don’t want you to keep things from me. I want it all. I can handle that. It’s other things that I can’t handle right now.”

John waited until she looked at him again. He was having a difficult time communicating, because he was used to being able to read her. He remembered her eyes as being so expressive, but since her rescue she struggled to make eye contact. “Last year, Shane and Chief Tarrington, who was in charge of the ISA at the time, came to the house. That’s when I was informed that I wasn’t Roman Brady. Six years of my life flashed before my eyes, and I lost everything in an instant. Roman had returned, and he wanted his life back. I could only be grateful that Carrie had already left to drive the twins to school,” John said.

“It’s so hard to imagine Carrie driving,” Marlena whispered.

“Finding out that I wasn’t Roman… that I couldn’t be Roman, because they had DNA was something I never imagined. And that was it. I lost everything. The kids, the house, my job… all of it gone in the span of three hours,” John whispered softly.

Marlena’s heart broke for him, knowing how hard that must have been to lose the children. But it wasn’t just the children. John didn’t have a past, at least not one he could remember. He lost it all. Everything he’d known, everything he’d believed in. How lost must he have felt to have it all claimed by Roman, and be back to the beginning? Back to nothing. “John…”

He continued speaking because if he stopped his emotions might take over. He needed to get it all out, and then pray she still wanted him when he was done. “I went to Carrie’s school, almost as soon as Shane and Tarrington left the house. I was given three hours to vacate the house, but I had to see Carrie. She was the one who was going to have to help Sami and Eric through what was about to happen. I pulled her out of class, and I tried to explain what had happened, but she struggled with it. A lot of that distrust she had in me when I first showed up… well, that came back with a vengeance. She was confused. Hell, I was too, but I couldn’t show her that! It didn’t help that Roman was so angry, and spouting nonsense about me being a danger, and working for Stefano. None of which was true. Carrie and I, we’ve spent the last year rebuilding that trust,” John told her. “And I vowed to her… that I will always tell her the truth, and I will always have open, honest communication with her. We actually meet once a week at this diner across town, but Roman… Roman took it all back. He didn’t wait, and he wouldn’t allow me to speak with the twins. I tried to get partial custody of the Twinners, even visitation… We fought for months, but ultimately—”

“—you didn’t get anything? He took everything?” she asked him in horror. The twins must have been devastated. An event like that would be traumatizing.

“No. Roman, he, um… he doesn’t trust me, and he’s gone out of his way to make sure that most people don’t.” John leaned his elbows on his knees, and glanced down at his hands where they hung limply from his wrists. There was nothing else he could say, except, “I’m just hoping that you trust me.”

Taking a deep breath, she said, “I don’t understand. Why? Why would he do that? That had to be so traumatic for the children! Why would he hurt his own children? Oh, my babies,” she said. She couldn’t even imagine the pain they must have felt at being taken away from the only parent they had. “You raised them, and they didn’t even know him. John!”

His hand reached out, and his fingers brushed softly across her wrist once to get her attention, “Hey. Hey, Doc… look at me… please.” She glanced up with tear filled eyes, and he said, “I still see them, and they know that I love them. Carrie’s had me over a few times, when Roman’s on a stake out, or she knows he’s working late. I try not to do that very often, but I also refuse to lose that connection with the twins… and I refuse to let them think I’ve abandoned them. There are some problems… Sami is having behavior problems at school, and Eric… Eric is having more emotional issues. Anxiety, and panic attacks mostly.”

“Can’t Roman see that?” she asked.

“Roman is stuck on me, Doc!” He was so frustrated by Roman’s actions over the last year, but it was true. At no point had Roman ever stopped to consider what might be best for Sami and Eric, or even Carrie. He had directed all of his rage and animosity at the one person available. John. There was no other way to explain it. “Roman is so focused on what I represent, and what he thinks I might be, that he can’t see past that.”

“Does he know about me?” she wanted to know. She wondered if John had told Roman about her phone call. It was so odd to hear that he was alive when to her he’d been dead since Avi was born, because after one look at her child she had the truth. “Does he know I’m alive?”

“I was at the house the night you called, even though I wasn’t supposed to be. Roman was on a stake out, and Carrie was exhausted. I stayed later than I should have to help her get Sami and Eric to bed. I was on my way out when the telephone rang. I tried to ignore it, but something told me to stay. To listen. I answered the phone as soon as I heard your voice on the answering machine. I was in shock at first. Roman was working that night, but I went to his office, and I…  waited all fucking night. I tried, Doc. I told him that we had to look for you,” John said, feeling his frustration rise as he thought about it. “I begged him to listen! I knew it was you. I knew it wasn’t a trick, but he doesn’t trust me. He can’t look past that. He won’t even try. He told me as much. He said he’d killed Stefano, and I was lying. He actually kicked me out of his office. So…I went to Bo, and together we went to Shane.”

“I’m glad,” Marlena said. “Without you, Hope, Avi and I… we’d still be with him.” Marlena looked around, watching Avi drag a stick down the beach in one long perpetual line, while Shawn-D ran along beside him, chattering away. “Avi is so happy here,” she said. Marlena could only imagine how much a house like this cost. It was a beautiful home. She blushed a little when she asked him, “John? How can you afford this?”

He stretched his legs out, and ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. “When Roman came back, I was engaged. To a woman named Isabella. We were married shortly after. After everything that had happened, she was literally all I had. She held me together when everything I knew was collapsing.”

“You married someone else?” she asked. It hadn’t even occurred to her that he might have moved on. Maybe she had been so wrapped up in her own horror, that she hadn’t even had time to contemplate the possibility. The thought of him with someone else made her feel sadness so deep. She looked at him helplessly, “You’re married.”

“I was,” he said softly. “She died. We were married last May, and she died of cancer at the beginning of January,” he said. “It was very sudden. We didn’t even know she was sick until she started having back pain, and by the time she was diagnosed it was already in stage 4. There was nothing I could do, except take care of her until the end.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, feeling guilty for her uncharitable thoughts. After everything she’d gone through with Stefano, she was surprised that she had such an extreme emotional response to the idea of his marriage. She hadn’t thought she would ever be able to connect with anyone again. 

“Victor is her father. She left everything to me. Her money, and the Toscano Foundation,” John smiled at her. “I run everything in her memory. I guess you never imagined me as a businessman.”

Marlena couldn’t imagine John wearing suits and ties, while attending business meetings. “So you dress up, and attend board meetings now, huh?” she asked with a smile.

“It mostly runs itself. I hire people to run it, and make sure that the direction is what Isabella would want. She was very concerned with environmental issues, so I want to stay true to that. When I’m bored, I help Bo with his PI business, because I still enjoy detective work.” He shrugged. “I actually miss police work a lot.”

“You loved her?” Marlena asked him, knowing that what she really wanted to know was, did he love Isabella as much as he had loved her. It really wasn’t a question of whether her loved Isabella. He’d married her, so he must have.

“I did,” he replied, watching Marlena closely. “She was one of the kindest people you’d ever know. Losing her… her death has been hard. After losing you… connecting with anyone else was hard. It was almost impossible. I’ve felt disconnected a lot of the time. I loved Isabella as much as I could love anyone, who wasn’t you.”

Marlena had been staring out over the bay, and she immediately turned to look at him when he said that. As if she needed to know how he felt about her now. She needed to see his eyes, and search for something, anything, that would prove to her that she’d not been forgotten. She stared at him so intently it almost made him uncomfortable. She had avoided eye contact almost constantly since he’d gotten her back, but she stared into his eyes right then, because she was trying to read him. Breathlessly she said, “Oh.”

“When Isabella died, I was at my lowest. What did I have left? Carrie could tell. I know she could, even when I tried to be light during our weekly meetings. I’m almost certain that’s why she had me sneak over to see the Twinners. If it wasn’t for Carrie and the twins, I’d have left Salem as soon as Isabella died.” John glanced at the beach, watching as the sun went down. They were going to need to go inside soon.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” she told him. “I’m glad you stayed.”

“Doc, I’m glad I stayed,” he told her, wanting to touch her so badly. “I think… there was something holding me there, and it was you. I can’t explain it.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty,” she said quietly. “I mean… because… I heard you talking to Hope on the plane, and I want you to know that. None of this was your fault. The things Orpheus did, they were all intended to hurt you, because he wanted revenge on Roman… and you aren’t even Roman.”

“There’s part of my mind that knows that, but there’s part of my mind that thinks about all the time that passed, and what you might have been going through. How you might have been suffering while the rest of us went about our lives completely oblivious… and that’s so fucking unfair, Doc!” John felt that anger rising up inside him at the futility of where they now found themselves. “It’s so fucking unfair.”

Marlena’s braid fell over her shoulder, and she picked up the end, twirling it around her finger slowly. “It’s unfair, but that doesn’t make it your fault. Can you see that?”

“I can, but the guilt… it taints every memory, Doc. It taints everything. I find myself thinking about when Sami lost her first tooth, and then immediately I’m hit with wondering what you were doing that day.” John’s voice choked with emotion, as he said, “I wonder what you might have been doing when Eric played his first t-ball game–”

“–don’t,” she said softly, touching his arm. She surprised herself that she’d reached for him, glancing down at where her small hand covered his forearm. She pulled her hand back gingerly, saying, “I don’t want your happy memories to be overshadowed with what if’s. Please? I would rather you share those with me.”

“Mama!” Avi said, approaching excitedly with Shawn-D tagging right behind him. “Encontré conchas marinas, ¡y esta parece una vieira! [Mama! I found seashells, and this one looks like a scallop!]”

“¡Estás bien! Es hermoso. ¿Te fijaste en los colores? [You’re right! It’s beautiful. Did you notice the colors?]” she said softly. 

“Sí,” he told her, reaching for Shawn-D’s hand and running back down the beach.

“Does he always speak to you in Spanish?”John asked her curiously.

She watched their son run back towards the shore with Shawn-D, while explaining the difference in the sea shells. “Stefano didn’t speak Spanish. For all of his arrogance, he never bothered to learn. Spanish was Avi’s way of keeping secrets from Stefano, although it enraged him. Avi mostly kept silent around him.”

He thought about what Avi’s had said a few days earlier when they were alone in the kitchen. “Avi’s seen Stefano hurt you.”

Marlena looked up quickly in surprise. She hadn’t told John about anything that had happened to her on Stefano’s compound. “How do you know—”

“—he mentioned it when we were making grilled cheese,” he told her softly.

Marlena couldn’t stop the tears, or the small catch in her voice as she said, “I tried so hard to keep it from him, but Stefano didn’t care what Avi saw.”

“What did he see?”

“He saw Stefano hit me, although I tried my best not to let it escalate in front of him. He saw Stefano pull my hair… and a lot of disrespect… manipulation,” Marlena told him. “But nothing more. I would concede before it went too far. I could suffer whatever Stefano wanted, to save Avi from witnessing it.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” John said. He could tell that she was distressed from learning that Avi had mentioned it. “Not if it’s something you aren’t ready for.”

“I can separate myself from what he did to me. It’s almost like disassociation. I can see what he did to me, as if I’m standing outside of myself, and viewing it. Most often, I try to pretend it didn’t happen to me,” she whispered. “I try to pretend none of it happened to me, but it did.”

John knew, simply from the way she was looking at him, that she was ready to talk, but maybe he wasn’t. And he worried that made him a coward, when Marlena whispered, “He raped me. More times than I can count… and I… I still try to pretend it wasn’t me. There were nights when I would cry, and Hope– Hope would…” Her voice trailed off, afraid to say anymore.

“Doc,” John said, finally reaching for her.

“Don’t,” she said firmly, flinching away from his touch. It was too raw, and she felt too vulnerable. “Don’t pity me. Please, because it will destroy me.”

“Doc, I don’t pity you. I would never pity you… but I can care about you, and feel rage for you. You are the strongest woman I know, but I promise you this… I promise on my life… if he survives what you did to him, it will only be to die at my hands,” John said. “Because I will kill that fucking bastard myself.”

Marlena looked up at him. He was serious. He would do that for her, and she wanted him to. With tears shining in her eyes, she whispered, “Good.”

Chapter 9

Roman stood at the bottom of the stairs with a scowl on his face. He was irritated. He glanced at his watch again. His parents kept pressuring him to spend more time with the twins. They kept telling him to give Carrie a break, because Sami and Eric weren’t her responsibility. All it did was make him angry. He wasn’t supposed to be raising his children alone, and even if there was no evidence to prove it, he blamed John Black for that as well. That’s why he’d gotten so angry when John showed up in his office. It was easier to blame John when he wasn’t around to throw Orpheus in his face. 

What was taking the twins so long? He’d allowed Carrie to leave so she could work on a group project for school, and he was regretting it already. “Sami! Eric! You need to get moving, or you’re going to be late for school!” he yelled. “And I won’t write you a note!”

    Sami came running down the stairs, intent on stalling, “Eric’s brushing his teeth.”

    “Why did he wait until the last possible minute to do that?” Roman roared, stepping towards her.

Sami shrank back, remembering the way he’d shaken her a few days earlier. Still she said, “He was talking about school, and he got nervous, and threw up. So, he had to brush his teeth. It wasn’t his fault.”

“That boy throws up every time he gets upset,” Roman said, shoving Sami’s coat towards her. “Put your coat on.”

“That’s not his fault,” Sami said defiantly, shrugging into her coat and zipping it up. “He gets upset, and then he gags. He can’t make it stop.”

“He could if he acted like a man,” Roman grumbled, clenching Eric’s coat in his fist.

Sami felt herself getting angry, “He’s not a man! He’s a boy, and boys can cry! My Daddy said—”

Roman reached for her, jerking her small body forward, as he roared, “—John Black is not your father! I am!” He snorted in derision, and then pushed her away from him. “Get your backpack.”

Sami started crying, wiping her nose on her sleeve as she slowly lifted her backpack from the floor near the front door. She looked up to see Eric coming down the stairs slowly, watching their father warily. Eric went up to his sister, touching her arm softly, “Why are you crying, Sami?”

“She needs to knock it off, before I give her something to cry about!” Roman threatened. He handed Eric his coat, “Lets go.”

Eric hated Roman. He had hated him since he’d come home, and forced their Daddy out of their lives. Reaching for Sami’s hand, he pulled her towards the door, and away from their father. He didn’t want her near Roman, because Roman wasn’t just threatening. If Sami didn’t calm down, he would spank her. Sami got spanked a lot, because she would yell at Roman. Eric knew that most often Sami was protecting him, and she took the brunt of Roman’s wrath. She never said anything about it. “Sami, come on. Let’s go to school,” Eric whispered.

“I hate him,” she whispered back. “He’s not my Daddy. He’s no one. No one. I wouldn’t even care if he died.”

Roman headed past the twins, watching them whisper like mini conspirators out to get him. They were brats. John had raised them, allowing them to do, and say whatever they wanted, and even a year later, he wasn’t able to get them to behave. Eric cried all of the time, and seemed frightened of everything. Sami refused to yield to his authority. She was stubborn, she was rude, and her smart mouth got her a spanking more often than not. 

“Come on. Get in the car,” he said, opening the front door, and watching them scurry out. They may be his children, but Roman felt no connection to them at all. All he felt was the overpowering need to keep them away from John.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Carrie called John from a pay phone outside of the diner they used to meet at. She’d just finished having breakfast with her friends, although she’d lied to Roman and told him it was a meeting for school. She and her friends had been at the diner so long that it was nearly lunchtime, but Carrie was so desperate for socialization that she felt almost refreshed. Hearing John’s voice when he answered the call made her smile, even though she was standing alone on the street. She missed him so much, and having him so far away left her feeling unstable. In a wavering voice she whispered, “Hi, Daddy.”

“Hey, Punkin’, you okay?” he asked her, hearing the sadness in her voice. 

“I miss you,” she said softly.

John looked up when he heard the patter of footsteps coming down the hallway. Over the last few weeks, he’d learn to recognize the sound of Avi’s little feet. He glanced over to find his son standing beside him, his hair tousled and standing on end. Wanting to cheer up Carrie he said, “I have some news. I should have told you sooner, but things have been… difficult.”

“Stefano hurt her?” she whispered, glancing around her to make sure no one was listening.

John wanted to be honest with her but this was so hard with Carrie being so far away. “He did, and we’re working through that, but there’s something else. When we found her and Hope… she had my son with her. Your brother.”

“Marlena had your baby?” Carrie asked. She had another little brother. She smiled to herself. It seemed so right.

“She did,” John said softly, waving Avi over to him. “He’s five, and she named him Abraham, although we all call him Avi. He’s right here with me, if you want to say hello.”

“Can I?” she asked softly. She needed this connection. She needed to hear his little voice, almost to prove that everything that had happened – finding Marlena and finding Hope – was real.

“Hold on,” John told her. He looked at Avi, and said, “Your sister Carrie would like to say hello. Would you like to talk to her?”

“I never talked on a phone before,” Avi told John with wide, excited eyes.

John kneeled down in front of him, and said, “It’s easy, little man, just hold it up to your ear and say hello.”

Avi took the phone, holding the receiver up to his ear. He glanced at his Daddy, and John nodded. Tentatively he said, “Hello?”

Joy coursed through her body, “Hi, Avi. It’s Carrie. How are you?”

He smiled up at his father, exclaiming, “Papi! I can hear her! I can hear her on the phone!”

John laughed, “Of course you can, but talk to her, not to me.”

Avi started chatting with excitement, “My Papi rescued me and my Mama from Shredder. Have you heard of Shredder? He’s a bad guy, a real bad guy, but my Daddy says we don’t have to see him no more.”

Carrie listened with a half-smile on her face. Stefano was worse than Shredder, but if Avi liked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, she had all of her information straight from Eric who was probably the biggest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan she knew. This was a conversation she could have. Softly she told her little brother, “I heard that the Ninja Turtles and Master Splinter were hunting him down.”

Avi’s eyes went even wider, “You heard that?”

“I did,” she promised. “Then Shredder won’t be able to hurt anyone anymore.”

     “I think I like you,” Avi said in his tiny voice. Then to John he said, “Carrie said that the Ninja Turtles and Master Splinter are looking for Shredder so he can’t hurt people anymore.”

     John looked at his son, barely recognizable from the shy quiet boy he’d been mere weeks ago. He brushed his hair back from his forehead and stroked his cheek, “Say goodbye to your sister, and go check if your mother’s awake for me, okay?”

Avi nodded, “Bye Carrie, I have to go check on my Mama.”

John watched Avi run down the hallway, and he said to Carrie, “So are you surprised?”

“I’m surprised, because I wasn’t expecting that, but I’m not shocked,” she said laughing. “Because Dad, you and Marlena weren’t exactly shy about how much you loved each other.” Carrie felt herself blush, “Sometimes you were…noisy. A baby was inevitable.”

“I still love her, you know. Although I haven’t told her,” John said quietly.

“Dad, why?”

“It’s not the right time, Punkin’. She’s dealing with too much right now, and me throwing my emotions at her, just complicates things more.” Marlena’s time with Stefano was all they could deal with right then. 

Carrie sighed, “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe what she needs right now, is to know how much you love her,” Carrie said.

After the call disconnected, John stared out over the bay for several moments. Was Carrie right? Would telling Marlena he loved her help her heal, or would it push them further apart?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena had been in therapy daily for nearly two weeks. Her therapist had suggested that maybe she start touch therapy, which, if Marlena were honest with herself, caused her extreme anxiety. The only people who could touch her were Hope and Avi, although sometimes she allowed John to loop his pinky finger with hers, and even that was brief. Bo and Hope had gone to bed more than an hour ago, and Marlena was feeling anxious. Avi and Shawn D had decided to have a sleepover, since Avi was unfamiliar with the concept. They had finally fallen asleep almost a half an hour ago. Which meant, she would be sleeping alone. She should be able to do it, and yet she was scared to even think about it. For the last six years she had either slept with Avi or Hope beside her.

Marlena sat on the rug in front of the fireplace, watching the light of the flames dance over the brick. She could hear John behind her making coffee, even though she knew she probably shouldn’t be drinking it this late. He had been so attentive, and so caring towards her. They had been in Washington almost a month, and he hadn’t pushed her. He hadn’t had any expectations, other than allowing her to heal in whatever manner she needed to.There were several instances where he or Bo had caught her and Hope in each others arms buried in a shadowy corner, or in Marlena’s bedroom. John had never said anything about, and Hope never mentioned if Bo had brought it up. Marlena knew they couldn’t ignore it forever. 

After her therapy session the day before, she and Hope had almost kissed. They hadn’t kissed since they were on San Cristobal, and Marlena had been surprised. When she was upset, or overly emotional, kissing Hope had become second nature. Just before their lips had touched, they’d both pulled away quickly. Hope looked guilty, and Marlena knew Hope had likely seen the sadness in her eyes. She wasn’t sure how to separate from her connection to Hope. What scared her was the thought that she might never be able to. They were more than friends, much more, but Marlena didn’t want to be her lover. What she wanted was the connection, the closeness, and the safety. Hope would never hurt her, and she trusted her implicitly. 

She thought about Avi. He had been sneaking John’s shirts into bed with them every night. The first night he’d done it, had been at the end of their first week. The small boy left to use the restroom, and returned with his fathers shirt wrapped in his little hands. Handing it to her he’d whispered, “It smells like Papa. You like that smell, ‘cause sometimes you sniff the air. I saw you.”

Marlena had smiled at him, with tears reflected in her eyes. Avi was such an observant child. Being raised in such a horror filled environment would do that to a child. “I do like that. Thank you.”

Every morning the boy returned the shirts to wherever he had gotten them from. She had been sleeping peacefully ever since. She wasn’t certain whether John knew or not, and tonight Avi was in Shawn D’s room, so maybe that meant no shirt. Her anxiety ratcheted even higher.

John started speaking as he rounded the kitchen island, so he wouldn’t startle her, “Here’s your coffee, Doc. Just the way you like it.”

She looked up at him, reaching for the coffee. He was so beautiful. Nothing would ever change her thoughts on that. He was beautiful, and she loved him, but she couldn’t let him touch her. She hated herself for it. She whispered softly, “Thank you.”

John held back the shiver that raced down his spine when her fingers brushed his briefly, and he settled on the floor next to her, careful not to be too close. “Today, when you got home, you mentioned that you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“I did… I do,” she said quietly. “Dr. Vellanki wants me to start doing some TTT… its Trauma Touch Therapy, because… the only people who can touch me right now are Hope and Avi. She thinks it will help me heal, if I can get used to touch from other people…”

John’s heart started to pound, although he didn’t understand why. He swallowed thickly, and asked her, “How does it work?”

“There’s not a lot of talking. At first it would just be me… touching someone, but they can’t touch me back. I would have to be secure knowing that I was free to explore, but not be scared that they might touch me. Does that make sense?” She watched John warily, feeling her own heart thunder in her chest. Maybe she should have asked Hope. No. That wouldn’t work. She already trusted Hope. She stared into her coffee cup, feeling as if she was moving too quickly.

“It does,” he said softly, sitting his coffee on the floor beside him. He watched her nervously set her cup down. “How does it work though? Does your therapist select someone?”

Marlena was staring at her hands, pulling at the skin of her cuticles. They were already red and raw. She wished they looked the way they used to all those years ago – pristine polish and unmarred by anxiety. Glancing up at him, she whispered, “No. I do.”

“Okay,” John said softly, watching her, and waiting for her to continue. He knew she was asking him, and it was a good sign. An excellent sign, but he had to allow her to do it. He couldn’t make assumptions.

“I was wondering if you would be willing to go through this with me. To do this with me?” she finally asked him, looking up at him.

“Are you sure?” he asked her. “You might be more comfortable with Hope.”

“I’m very comfortable with Hope… that’s why it won’t work with her.” She looked down again, and began picking at her fingernails, “Besides her, I don’t trust anyone else enough right now. It would have to be you.” Looking up at him, she said, “Would you do that for me?”

“Doc, I will do anything you ask of me, but what if…” he stopped speaking for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. All they’d done over the last few weeks was link their fingers. The thought of Marlena’s small, soft hands on his skin almost had him groaning aloud. What would he do in a doctor’s office? How would he control his body? Finally he sais, “If you’re touching me… what if my body…”

Her eyes got wider, “Oh…um…I guess that could happen. Do you think that might happen?” It hadn’t even occurred to her that her touching him might lead to him being aroused. As she considered it, she realized that it was surprising, but it didn’t scare her. She hadn’t considered John’s attraction to her since the rescue. She’d been so consumed with her adjustment to life outside of Stefano’s compound that she hadn’t thought anything about it. Perhaps, she’d forgotten what it felt like to be attractive. Stefano never raped her because he thought she was beautiful. He raped her because he wanted to destroy her.

John was careful when he said, “I don’t want to scare you, baby. That’s all. I want to be open about this. And if your hands are on my body for any length of time… my body will respond to that.”

A deep blush spread slowly up her neck, and caused her cheeks to flush with color. “Maybe, you can… just hold a pillow on your lap?” she suggested glancing down in embarrassment. 

John started laughing so loudly he snorted, and then clapped a hand over his mouth.

Marlena looked up abruptly, with wide eyes, “What?”

He raised his eyebrow, and repeated, “A pillow, Doc?”

Marlena started to stammer, “Well… yes, in case you… need it…”

He couldn’t help himself. He laughed even harder, and it took several moments before he was able to stop. Marlena just sat there, smiling shyly, realizing that she was genuinely happy. Even though the conversation was awkward, John had managed to ask what he needed to ask, and she had reacted without fear. John picked up his coffee, looking over at her with a grin, and asked her, “So when do we start?”

“Tomorrow,” she said, getting up off the floor, and walking towards the kitchen with her empty coffee mug. Over her shoulder she added, “Do you have a tank top and gym shorts?”

John followed behind her, “I do.”

“Okay. You’ll need to wear it under your regular shirt,” she said. She rinsed her mug, and placed it in the dishwasher. Even though the thought of sleeping alone had her almost visibly shaking, she said softly, “I’m going to go to bed now. Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Doc.” He watched her walk down the hallway towards her room, and he wondered if Avi had remembered to steal another one of his shirts from the laundry. John had noticed a week ago that Avi was taking his shirts at the end of the day, and going to bed with them. One night, he’d opened the door to Avi and Marlena’s room, and saw that Avi wasn’t the one sleeping with his shirts. Marlena was. He’d closed the door with a smile, and never mentioned it. It was progress, and he felt at the time that if he mentioned it, she might stop using them. He didn’t want to shame her for it. He wanted her to have access.

After going into his bedroom, and changing into flannel pajama bottoms and a clean white t-shirt, John stepped over to Marlena’s bedroom, knocking softly on her door. She answered it, staring up at him. “Hey, Doc… I thought you might need this,” he said softly, handing her the shirt he’d just taken off.

She stared at the shirt in his hand, and almost started crying. “You knew?”

“I figured Avi might have forgotten to get you one today,” he whispered gently. Very slowly, so slowly that if Marlena had wanted to stop him, she could have, John reached up, brushing his fingertips softly over her chin. “I want you to have it.”

John’s fingers brushed her skin so quickly, she thought she might have imagined it. Marlena could feel herself getting emotional, and hot tears rising in her eyes, “Thank you.” She could feel the heat of his body still trapped inside the fibers of the shirt as she took it from his hand, and she forced herself to hold back from shoving it against her nose immediately. 

His deep blue eyes held nothing but love for her as he said, “Anything for you, Doc. Anything.”

“I–I appreciate it. I appreciate everything. You saving us, bringing us here… your love for Avi,” she told him. “I appreciate that you are allowing me to work through this at my pace, and that you aren’t asking questions about…” Her voice trailed off. She left like if she mentioned it, she opened it up for conversation, but she was too late.

“…Hope?” he asked her softly. 

“Yes.” She clenched his shirt in her fist, glancing down.

“Doc… baby… look at me honey. Please?” Marlena glanced up at him, and he told her, “Do you love her?”

“Of course, I love her,” Marlena whispered. “I care about her so much. I put myself in Stefano’s path a million times over to keep her safe.”

“Are you in love with her?” he asked.

“No… yes… it’s complicated. I need her. Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed that the only thing that will calm me is her touch…”

John whispered, “Her kiss?”

“Yes,” she said softly. “It’s difficult to explain. We–we aren’t lovers. We’ve never been lovers… but when she arrived at Stefano’s compound, having her there saved my life. You can’t know how many nights she held me in her arms while I sobbed, or how many times we whispered in the night about what our lives could be once we were found. Times when we felt so lost and alone… when all we had was each other. It was comfort…and I will always need her.”

“I won’t ask you to give her up, Doc. Not in the way you might think,” he promised her. “I will never do anything to block that relationship. Not if she brings you peace, and not if you bring her peace.”

Marlena glanced down the hallway towards the door of Bo and Hope’s bedroom, “I think… Bo might be unhappy.”

“Bo will get used to it.” He stared into Marlena’s eyes, and he said, “You’ll see. We may end up a large blended family, but Bo would never want to hurt Hope… or you.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” he told her. He kissed the ends of his fingers, and then touched Marlena’s cheek softly. “Goodnight, Doc.”

She watched him enter his bedroom, whispering to herself, “Goodnight, John.”

Chapter 10

John followed Marlena into her therapist’s office, looking around at the classic decor. The walls were a soft gray matte, lined with bookshelves. The windows were covered in flowered curtains with matching shades. It was darkened for their visit, with the shades drawn, and lamps lit in the corners casting a soft warm glow, but John imagined that it was normally bright given the amount of windows. He’d found Marlena’s therapist through Dr. Whitney Baker at Salem University Hospital. She’d gone to school with Dr. Vellanki, and highly recommended her. John hadn’t explained the circumstances, and Dr. Baker hadn’t asked any questions. He’d only said that he needed a therapist in the Seabrook area who would be able to work with someone suffering from severe trauma. 

Since Dr. Vellanki’s office was at the rear of her house, Marlena led him around to the side entrance. She rang the buzzer, and then glanced at John warily. He’d always dropped her off. Having him standing beside her was nerve wracking. Marlena almost sighed with relief, when Dr. Vellanki opened the door with a gentle smile on her face. 

Stepping forward she extended her hand, “It’s nice to meet you, John. Marlena has told me a lot about your extraordinary lives over the last two weeks.” Dr. Vellanki was medium height, with long dark hair that seemed to throw off hints of red when she turned in the light. She was soft spoken, with inquisitive dark eyes that made you feel as if she knew your innermost thoughts. 

He took her offered hand, “There’s a lot to unpack there, for sure.”

Gesturing them inside, she said softly, “You can go ahead, and have a seat beside Marlena if you would like.”

He glanced over, and saw that the sofa was a decent size, and it wouldn’t force him to be closer to her than she was used to. He turned to make sure Marlena was behind him, “Doc?”

She simply nodded stiffly, and watched as he sat down. He’d sat in the middle. Her eyes caught his, and she realized if they were going to be doing TTT, John was starting now. She could feel the heat of his body rolling off of his body as she settled beside him. It made her nervous, but then she closed her eyes. Taking a long slow breath, she realized that she could also breathe him in, and that calmed her.

Dr. Vellanki watched Marlena for a few moments, and then turned her attention towards John. “Did Marlena mention what your purpose here was for today?”

John saw that Marlena’s eyes were closed, and he was aware that she was calming herself down, and breathing in his cologne. To Dr. Vellanki, he said, “She mentioned she needed to practice touch therapy, and she asked me if I’d be willing. Here I am.”

The doctor was reading his body movements and his tone of voice. He seemed slightly nervous, which she expected. He seemed willing to help the women beside him, but still she asked him, “Are you comfortable with that?”

John glanced over to find Marlena looking at him, and without breaking eyes contact he said tenderly, “I’m willing to do anything she needs right now.”

“Why is that?” Dr. Vellanki asked him. John looked at her abruptly, and she continued, saying, “Why are you willing to do anything for her? I think it might help her to hear your reasoning.”

John looked at Marlena again. Her eyes were wide, the hazel color always seemed to pull him in. “Because I love her, Dr. Vellanki.” The smile that came over her face was what he lived for every day, so he said again, “Because I love you.”

Dr. Vellanki turned to Marlena, “Marlena? How does it feel to hear him say that he loves you? I know we have discussed this before and you were hesitant.”

Unable to look away from John, she whispered, “It makes me happy…and it scares me to death. It–it scares me quite a bit actually.”

“Why does it scare you?” Dr. Vellanki asked her carefully. She already knew why, but she wanted Marlena to verbalize those emotions for John.

Marlena looked at John, then at the therapist, and finally down at her fingers, where she began to pick at her cuticles, “Because when you love someone… there are expectations that eventually… that you’ll eventually make love… and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that again. I don’t know if I can make love with anyone ever again.”

“You’re still very early in this process, but I want you to know that the way you’re feeling is normal, and it may sound impossible… but someday you’ll be able to have a connection like that again,” Dr. Vellanki said. She saw Marlena looking at her with doubt and trepidation, and she said gently, “Marlena… you will. It will take time, but you will forge those bonds again.”

Standing up she went to her closet, and pulled out two foam cushions. One was long and round, while the other was wedge shaped. Turning to John she handed him the circular one, and said, “You’ll need this to support your neck, and you’ll need the other to place under your knees. If you could lie here in the middle of the floor. You’re wearing a tank top and shorts?”

“I am,” John said, reaching to pull off his long sleeved t-shirt. After kicking off his shoes, he reached to slip off his jeans. Marlena stared at him, as he methodically folded the shirt and pants, placing them on the sofa next to her. Sitting on the floor, he took off his socks, placing them on his pile of clothes, and then he winked at her, as he settled himself on the floor. Marlena smiled.

Dr. Vellanki sat in a dark leather chair near the window, while reaching for her notebook on the edge of her desk. “Marlena, we talked about this yesterday, but I want to go over it again, so that John can hear the directions as well. You are free to touch John, and he will remain still. He won’t touch you back, or reach for you. Do you understand, John?”

His heart started to pick up, and he replied, “I do. I won’t move.”

“What if he… what if his body starts to react?” Marlena blushed a deep crimson, barely able to get the words out. “He mentioned the possibility last night.”

“It could happen, but it doesn’t mean anything. Men can’t hide their physical reactions as well as women, but he won’t touch you,” Dr. Vellanki said.

“Okay,” Marlena said softly, looking at John as if she was unsure of where to start. She had touched his body hundreds of times when they were married, even before they were married. Casual touches, and not so casual touches. She watched him carefully as he settled onto the Oriental rug in front of her. She knelt beside him, and he winked at her. Just that one small gesture and she felt the tension she was holding in her body ease slightly. She glanced at Dr. Vellanki, and the woman gave her a nod of approval.

Marlena knelt there for several long moments, and then she ran the tip of her finger over the top of John’s hand, allowing herself to focus on the feel of his coarse hair. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes for a second. Finally reaching for his hand she lifted it, and studied his fingernails. She spread his fingers wide, threading hers through his and she squeezed, while his hand remained limp. 

John stared up at her, allowing her to make every move, and every choice. He knew that if he squeezed her hand back, it might scare her. Any sudden movement might scare her.

She laid his arm on the floor, and pushed her palm down on his forearm, pushing upwards towards  his elbow. Needing to ground herself in the moment, she squeezed him again. She couldn’t allow herself to disassociate, or separate from the reality of this moment, and it would be so easy to do that. So easy to get lost and separate from what she was doing. She couldn’t do that. So, she focused on the feel of him underneath her hand – his muscles, his hair, his warmth. All of it. She wanted to feel everything, and she wasn’t sure where to go. Her voice wavered as she whispered, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Doc,” he said softly, watching her hand smooth up and over his bicep. She reached his shoulder, and he couldn’t hold back the shiver that wracked his body. It was a combination or arousal, and desire. John tried to stop it, but it was too late when his skin was covered with goosebumps.

“Does it tickle?” she asked him.

“A little,” he lied. Her touch was soft, and gentle, but it didn’t tickle. He craved it. He wanted to arch into it, and moan, but he didn’t. Forcing himself not to react, he started thinking about the fight that Sami and Eric had one time over pancakes and waffles. Anything to distract himself from the feel of her hands benignly touching his skin. There was a twitch in his cock, and he closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, thinking in his head, waffles and pancakes.

Marlena watched his throat convulse as he swallowed, and she moved her hand over it, allowing herself to feel his Adam’s apple. She smoothed her soft palm down, sliding underneath his tank top and over his chest. John took a deep, shaky breath, and she felt powerful. She felt something inside her that was strong. It was something she hadn’t felt in years. She had the ability to disarm him with her touch, and she was thrilled at it. Moving closer to his head, she allowed her fingers to lace into his hair, watching as the soft strands fell through. Dark black hair set against the paleness of her skin. She felt something inside her, an ache deep in her core. She craved it, and it scared her to death. 

His breathing had picked up slightly, but still he didn’t touch her, or reach for her. Pushing his hair off of his forehead, she took the tip of one finger, tracing across his temple, and then along the length of his nose. Without thought, she whispered, “I’ve always liked your nose.”

John cocked an eyebrow at her, and repeated teasingly, “My nose, Doc?”

“Yes,” she whispered, slipping her palms underneath his shirt, while pushing both hands over his chest again. She enjoyed the feel of his hair rasping between her fingers. She had the strongest impulse to pull at it, but she didn’t. Something stopped her. It was the memory of how much it aroused him when she used to do it, all those times she rode his cock in bed, and tugged at his thick chest hair. He was looking at her. She could feel the heat of those blue eyes on her skin. Refusing to look into them, she was quiet again, concentrating as she placed her palms on his thighs, and moved down to his legs.

John felt her hand settle on his knee, and push back up his thigh, squeezing his muscle. Her fingernails dug in slightly, and she watched as John’s body jerked almost imperceptibly. He was holding back, and that sense of power washed over her again when her hazel eyes met his. It caused him to shiver for a second time, as his mind screamed pancakes and waffles over and over again. He tried to focus on her face, but his eyes kept going in and out of focus. His cock twitched again, and he sank deeper into the memory of Sami and Eric’s pancake-waffle fight.

John watched her with hooded eyes, as she neared his feet. Her mouth tightened in concentration, and then her eyes softened, and he knew what she was going to do before she did it. His leg twitched in anticipation, as he whispered warily, “Doc?”

Marlena smiled lightly, thinking about how ticklish he was. “Yes?”

“I’m not supposed to move,” he said in a warning tone.

“I know,” she said softly. Still debating whether she was going to do it or not.

Dr. Vellanki was watching them both intently. There was almost silent communication going on between them. It was obvious that John cared for Marlena a lot, and based on everything Marlena had said in her therapy session, he had gone to great lengths to get her away from the man who had hurt her. John had been very still, allowing Marlena to touch him, without flinching or moving. When Marlena intentionally ran her index finger down the center of the bottom of John’s foot with a smirk, Dr. Vellanki knew definitively that Marlena would heal from her trauma.

“Doc,” John growled, his foot twitching again from the effort it took him not to jerk away. 

“Yes?” she asked him, repeating the movement on the other foot with a sly smirk.

“Stop it,” he said, with a small laugh, trying to keep himself from moving. He could remember all of the times they had played this game before. He recalled snatching her small body up in his arms, and tossing her onto the bed. Marlena’s laugh had filled the room with the most angelic sound. He couldn’t do that now.

Her eyes feigned innocence, “Stop what?”

“Pancakes and waffles,” he moaned to distract himself. She was intentionally trying to get him to move now.

Dr. Vellanki smiled. There was hope in this room. It was refreshing to see this playful side of Marlena. She was processing so much trauma. Watching her intentionally be playful with John was a good sign.

Marlena’s hand cupped the top of John’s foot, and slid up his leg to his knee. She allowed herself to soak in his warmth, and focus on the coarse hair of his leg as it rubbed along her palm. She closed her eyes momentarily, recalling the way his body felt against hers all those years ago. Moving back to his abdomen, she took a deep breath before placing both hands on his chest. Resting them there, she focused her breathing, and reassured herself that he wouldn’t touch her without her permission. John would never, could never hurt her. She looked over to find John staring at her intently, his deep indigo eyes blown with arousal, watching her. She slid her hands higher, resting them on his chest, and she said softly, “You won’t hurt me.”

“Baby, I would never hurt you,” he whispered back.

Baby. He still called her baby. “Can I touch your stomach?”

John swallowed thickly, thinking pancakes and waffles while nodding his head yes. He closed his eyes when he felt her fingers lift his shirt, and her palm splay open across his skin. His skin was hot, and as she glanced down she noticed his semi-hard cock twitch in his shorts. Marlena looked up at him when she felt his abdominal muscles tremble under hand. She had power, and she liked it. She smiled to herself.

“Marlena?” Dr. Vellanki interjected softly, getting her attention. “We’re almost out of time, and I would like to process with you if that’s okay?”

Pulled from her reverie, Marlena blinked her eyes several times, “Okay.” She removed her hands from John’s skin, and fixed the hem of his shirt. He seemed as unsettled as she was. She saw that his eyes were still closed, and he was mumbling something about pancakes and waffles.

Dr. Vellanki watched Marlena slowly get up, and sit on the sofa. She asked her, “How do you feel about this exercise? Did you have any emotions that were negative?”

Marlena considered the question, and was relieved to discover that she hadn’t had one disruptive thought during the whole exercise. “I felt… powerful,” she whispered, watching John open his eyes to look at her. He continued to lay on the floor, almost as if he were slowly coming back to himself.

Dr. Vellanki wrote something in her notepad, and asked Marlena, “Powerful? Can you explain that?”

“I could touch him, but he couldn’t touch me… but, it was more than that, because he wanted to touch me, and he couldn’t. I knew he wouldn’t,” she said. “I’m not sure that makes sense.”

“No. It makes sense. You derived a sense of power from knowing that you affected him physically, and he had to hold himself back… is that right?” Dr. Vallanki asked her.

“Yes. I—my touch is something he wants.” Marlena blushed as she said it, but she knew it was true. She glanced at John, whispering, “I could tell by the way he swallowed, or the shivers in his body… but I was the one in control. And I–I needed that.”

“You liked being in control. That’s natural, Marlena. You spent nearly six years with no control over anything in your life, it’s only natural that getting that back would make you feel powerful,” her therapist said. Facing John, Dr. Vellanki asked, “How are you feeling, John?”

“Shaky,” he admitted, sitting up enough to balance on his elbows. “But, I want her to know that I’m safe, and I would never hurt her. Holding back was hard, because I wanted to touch her.”

Dr. Vellanki smiled, feeling that the session was even more successful than she’d hoped for. “I think she knows that.”

“I do,” Marlena whispered. She looked down to where John lay on the floor, “Pushing away the memories of the last six years was difficult, but today, when I was touching you and remembering the way your muscles felt or the feeling of your skin under my hand… none of those memories were able to intrude.”

“Marlena, you have homework,” Dr. Vellanki said, standing up. “I want you and John to do this exercise again, okay. I want it to become second nature for you to reach for him, and that will only come with practice.”

“Do it again?” she asked quietly, glancing at John as he stood up from the carpet near her feet.

“Daily,” Dr. Vallanki told her. “Even on the days you don’t see me.”

Marlena smiled, and then she heard John whisper, “Pancakes and waffles.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena’s feelings of accomplishment wore off on the drive back to the house. By the time she and John reached the front door she was shaking uncontrollably. Memories of her time with Stefano were bombarding her over and over again, battering down the walls she tried to build up in her mind. She glanced at John. With her final reserves, she said in a shaky voice, “I need some time alone.”

He watched her rush towards her room with her hand clamped over her mouth to silence herself. His heart was thundering, and his first thought was Hope. He had to find Hope. He’d seen her with Bo down on the beach with the boys. John turned on his heel, running out onto the porch. He waved at Hope as he crossed the lawn, catching her eye. Relief washed through him as he watched her say something to Bo and start running towards the house. Maybe another man would be jealous, or angry, even possessive. John was none of those things. What he wanted was for Marlena to feel safe and loved, and if he couldn’t do it for her right then, Hope could.

Hope ran up the steps, meeting John on the lawn. She pushed the hair out of her face, and asked, “How did it go?”

He took long strides back towards the house, knowing that Hope would follow, “It went well, but on the drive home–”

“-she gets in her head sometimes,” Hope told him. “That’s all this is.” She reached for his hand, pulling him behind her, and she made her way with determination towards Marlena’s bedroom. She couldn’t allow her to take three steps forward and four steps backward. John had to be an active part of this. 

“Maybe… she might just want to be with you,” John said, feeling his eyes fill with tears at his own helplessness. 

“No,” Hope told him firmly. “No. When we were with Stefano all she wanted was you. She’s scared, John. That’s all. You’re coming with me, because she won’t heal without you.”

Knocking on Marlena’s door, Hope pushed it open a few inches, “Mar? John and I are coming in.”

“No!” Marlena cried out. “I can’t… I can’t see him like this.”

“We’re both coming in, Mar,” Hope repeated.

John shut the door softly behind him, the click of the latch sounding explosive in the near silent room. Standing near the door, he watched as Hope crossed the room, and climbed into Marlena’s bed behind her. She wrapped her arms around her, and she brushed the hair off of her neck, whispering softly, “John said your session went well.”

“It did… but then, I don’t know… something happened,” Marlena cried softly, turning towards Hope. She could feel the soft glide of her hands over her spine, and she buried her face in her neck. She took a shaky breath, whispering, “All of the memories I’d pushed down during the session came rushing back. I could smell Stefano’s breath again. I could feel his hands grabbing at my flesh…” She started crying again.

John rounded the bed, feeling completely helpless. Kneeling on the floor behind Marlena, he said, “Doc… I’m here if you need me. Just tell me what you need. Anything. Anything, baby. I’m here.”

She rubbed her face against Hope’s soft skin, breathing her in, and she reached behind her whispering, “Hold my hand?”

Rising to his feet, he sat behind her gingerly, and took her hand. He laced their fingers together, and felt her body shudder with dry heaves. John and Hope were silent, listening to Marlena’s attempts to stop herself from weeping. John wasn’t sure how long it lasted. It didn’t matter. He stared at Marlena, watching the way her other hand seemed to weave into Hope’s hair, pulling Hope’s mouth closer to hers. He watched as Marlena’s face rubbed over Hope’s soft cheek, and then he watched their lips touch gently as Marlena sought out human connection with the only person she trusted. He held her hand through it all. Marlena allowed him into her space, when she was vulnerable, and she held his hand like a tether.

Chapter 11

Bo and Hope were going to go back to Salem at the end of the week, and Marlena was petrified. Hope had told her that evening at dinner, reassuring Marlena that she was a phone call away. The idea of being alone with John and Avi was scary, but she also understood why Bo was so insistent that it was time to go. He wasn’t comfortable with Hope and Marlena’s attachment, and after five weeks, he wanted his wife to himself. They were going to go home to Salem, and Marlena, John, and Avi would stay in Seabrook so that she could continue to heal. In her initial panic, Marlena had briefly considered returning to Salem, simply so she wouldn’t lose Hope, but she knew she wasn’t strong enough yet.

  She and John had been practicing TTT every night for the past two weeks, and she’d only been free of Stefano for five weeks. She knew that when she returned to Salem she would encounter a lot of anger, and animosity from Roman. From everything she had learned from John, as well as Bo, Roman’s time with Stefano had changed him as well. He was angry, bitter, and he hated John. Heblamed John for everything, and he had gone out of his way to destroy people’s image of who John was, planting distrust in the minds of people who had known him for years. She couldn’t understand it. While she could understand him being initially wary of John, Marlena struggled to understand the deep rooted hate, and the way he had intentionally alienated John from friends and family.

Roman’s hatred of John was going to make things very difficult. She couldn’t stay married to him, she wasn’t in love with him. She was in love with John, even though that was also problematic. She was getting better, but she was a long way from being able to engage in the sexual activities she and John used to engage in. Sometimes she would wake from dreams of them together so aroused she could barely breathe. She would make herself come, and then be immediately overcome with guilt for wanting him so badly. Two weeks of touch therapy had her body craving more, and yet her mind would shut the idea down immediately, pushing harder against the possibility. Now Dr. Vellanki wanted her to let John touch her. She hadn’t mentioned it, but she knew she was going to have to. Hope leaving made everything seem so much more daunting.

Avi was asleep, and Marlena slipped out of bed to go in search of John. He was expecting another session that involved her touching him. She found him sitting in front of the fireplace, wearing his standard tank top and gym shorts, waiting for her. She stopped in the doorway to the large open room, watching him, and was struck by how much she loved him, and how beautiful he was. He sat on the pull out futon with Avi’s kitten in his hands, petting the soft fur. He looked over at her with a smile, setting the kitten on the carpet carefully. “Hey, Doc. You ready?”

Marlena smiled at him. He had been so good about this, and so diligent. His support over the last five weeks had her more in love with him than she ever had been. His relationship with Avi was amazing to watch, and he was able to bring out their son’s true personality. The kitten John had brought home a week earlier for Avi had brought their son to tears. They now had a tabby cat named Ninja.

She shyly stepped into the room wearing a light pink cotton camisole, and a pair of John’s gym shorts. John’s eyes scanned over her body slowly, and then he realized what he was doing and cleared his throat. As he stood up to put another log on the fire, Marlena told him softly, “Dr. Vellanki changed my homework assignment.”

He turned around, glancing again at the pink camisole she was wearing. His heart started to thunder, and his mouth went dry. He tried to sound casual when he said, “She did, did she?”

“I need to let you touch me,” she said. “But I’m scared… not scared… worried. I’m worried. I—I’m not sure if I can do it. Let you touch me, I mean. Without the memories coming.”

John spoke before he even considered his next words, “Do you want a safe word?”

“What?” she asked him, surprised. “What do you mean?”

John had shocked himself with that suggestion, and wasn’t sure how to follow it up. Maybe it had been the perfectly wrong thing to say at that moment. He stared at Marlena for a moment, before finally saying, “Um, well…shit.” He sat back down abruptly on the futon, and rubbed his hands over his face awkwardly.

Marlena stepped closer, feeling the heat from the fireplace warm her skin. He’d turned the lights down, making the room dim, and outside light rain pattered against the glass. Staring at him for a moment longer, she whispered, “John?” 

She knew what safe words were. She’d been a therapist long enough to not be surprised by much, but this was surprising coming from John, and although she’d never admit it out loud… interesting. A safeword wasn’t outside the realm of possibility. “John, can you look at me, please?”

He looked up at her, immediately feeling shame at the wide eyed look she was giving him. “I’m sorry, Doc. I didn’t mean it like that, obviously. It just came out. What I meant was—”

“—where did you learn about safe words?” she asked him, genuinely curious.

He sighed, “The truth? I have no idea. Sometimes, I just know stuff. One of the perks of amnesia, I guess.” He shrugged his shoulders, and prayed for the awkwardness to pass. “I didn’t mean—”

“—it’s a good idea,” she said softly, wanting to alleviate his sudden embarrassment. “I could trust you to stop if I was getting overwhelmed, or maybe… maybe we could slow down if I was becoming overwhelmed… and discuss my feelings, if I needed that. It’s not a bad idea, I was just surprised to hear you suggest it.”

Feeling more secure in his suggestion, he told her, “The stop light system would probably work best, especially if you’re overwhelmed. Less thinking, you know? It would be easier than being overwhelmed and unable to remember your safe word.”

“Yes.” Marlena looked thoughtful for a moment, and then she asked him curiously, “Do you remember anything else?”

“Anything else?” he asked.

Marlena pushed, knowing that he was hedging. He knew what she was asking. “About your past…or about submissives and dominants?”

John sighed, feeling heat rise to his face. He could only hope that the dark room, and the heat from the fireplace was enough to hide it. Carefully he said, “I do, but nothing very detailed. Doc, are you sure you want to talk about this? I didn’t even mean to bring it up.”

“Maybe? I’m curious… I heard from a patient once that the submissive holds all the power. She discussed it quite a lot actually,” she said sitting across from him on the futon. John’s back was to the fire, casting his face in shadows, so she waited.

He ran his fingers through his hair roughly, and started talking softly, “Sometimes information pops into my head. I don’t actively remember anything, but I could be investigating a case, and know a lot of information about a specific security system. Or maybe I’ll hear someone mention a medical procedure, and I’ll know what surgical tools were used or what type of sutures would close a wound. Once, I was working on a case involving a stripper at a club in town, and the subject of BDSM came up… and I just knew stuff, Doc. I don’t know how, but I knew things. I read up on it—”

“—you did?” She was curious about what he’d read. When they were married, John was the dominant one in the bedroom. Marlena had loved it. She’d reveled in being able to let go of the armor she wore day and day out. She let it go, and John took her to places she had never been before.

He sighed again, “I just wanted to see if what I was remembering was accurate. That’s all. I swear. I was making sure that what I recalled was–”

“–I don’t mind,” she said softly, staring out the large windows at the rear of the house. The rain made silvery tracks over the glass cast in the light of the full moon, while inside everything was flickering golden. She watched John, and even without seeing his features clearly, his body language gave away his unease. He thought he’d upset her. She whispered, “I was just wondering–”

“–Doc, I have nearly thirty years of my life that are unaccounted for. When I thought I was Roman Brady, I had that time filled in, and I could tell myself that I knew things because I’d been an ISA agent. Almost everything I remembered while you were gone, I was able to justify because I was Roman Brady, and I was an ISA agent. I can’t do that now. All I can say is…” He finally met her eyes with chagrin as he said, “I guess, I used to be a little kinky.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” she said. She thought back to their time together when they were married, and he had always been the dominant one in the bedroom. It hadn’t started out that way, but it had evolved over time, and she’d loved it. Her body shivered as she thought about the way he’d held her wrists and his body had pressed her into the mattress. She thought about when he would make her ask for permission to come, and it all made sense. Roman had never done those things, but John had. John’s past had always fascinated her, and for the first time in years she felt herself slipping into the role of a psychiatrist. “Besides with me… have you ever acted on those impulses?”

John looked at her in surprise. Had he acted on those impulses with her? He suddenly remembered using his handcuffs to link her to the headboard in their bedroom, and he thought perhaps he had done certain things with her. But not since her. Marlena was the only woman he could recall being so submissive. He found himself scrambling for an explanation, because he was so afraid of scaring her away. “Doc! No! No, I haven’t… I know stuff, but I’ve not… not that I can remember.”

“Hmmm,but you did things with me,” she said. 

“Soft things… I did soft things with you,” he said.

“But if Stefano hadn’t taken me… we would have done more,” she murmured, more to herself than to John. She was quiet, and then she said with determination, “So stop light colors then. If I’m okay, I’m green. If I need you to slow down, so we can talk, I’m yellow…and if your touch is too much, and I’m overwhelmed, I’m red…”

John stared at her, wondering what was going on in her head. He had imagined that this would be the point when she walked away, but she was still sitting there. Was she remembering their time together the way he was? He watched her tentatively, “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” she said. She took a deep breath, “Yes.” She slid over on the futon, and laid down. Closing her eyes, she settled her head on a pillow, and took a deep breath, whispering, “Okay.”

John couldn’t take his eyes off of her, “Doc, why are you taking this so well?”

Marlena looked up at him, “I’m not sure. I think… I think maybe it makes me feel better?”

“How can my knowledge of the submissive/dominant dynamic make you feel better? How can letting me take charge make you feel better?”

“Because, you’re not in charge – I am. And if you know about the dominant/submissive dynamic, then I feel like you’ll respect it. My patient tried to explain it to me once,” Marlena said softly. “She said that the word submissive sounds like you have no control, but really the submissive has all the power because the dominant can only do what the submissive allows.”

“That’s true, if the dominant honors that… it’s true,” John told her. His body was tight with anticipation, as he allowed his eyes to scan over her long legs.

“I believe that you will honor that,” she said, looking into his eyes. “I know you will.”

“Okay,” he said with a sigh. He took a nervous breath, “Okay.” He knelt on the futon beside her, unable to move at first.

Marlena stared up at him with wide eyes, and touched his arm softly. “I trust you.”

“I’m going to talk you through this, Doc. Every step, okay, baby?”

Marlena nodded, feeling her body tremble from fear, nervousness, and anticipation.

“I’m going to start with your hand,” he said, reaching for her fingers gently, and lifting them up. Very slowly he ran his fingertips over the top of her hand, and along her fingers. He turned it over in his, rubbing his thumb over her palm and up towards her wrist, softly caressing the skin there. He watched her intently for any signs of distress, whispering, “How are you, Doc?”

“Green,” she said softly. Her eyes were closed, and she was concentrating solely on the feel of his hands on her skin, while she took controlled breaths, taking in the spicy musk scent of his cologne. He smelled like safety.

“I’m going to move higher on your arm now.” Her skin underneath his hand was satin, and John could feel the tremble in his hand as he stroked her.

“Okay,” she whispered, feeling his fingers move along the sensitive skin from her elbow to her shoulder. He gently squeezed her, and she caught herself right before she moaned. She was enjoying this, and that was surprising. She hadn’t expected to feel so much pleasure the first time. John’s open palm moved over her shoulder gently towards her neck, and Marlena said, “Yellow… yellow! Can we… can we not touch my neck yet?”

“Sure, baby,” John pulled his hand back, and slid it back down her arm. Fucking Stefano Dimera. If he wasn’t dead, John would kill him. He’d hunt him down and he would kill him. Making his tone softer than his mind, John asked her, “Should I be wary of anywhere else?”

“My hair…please don’t touch my hair yet,” she whispered.

“I won’t,” he told her. He stared down at her long honey tresses as they lay about her head and shoulders like a halo. She was perfect. Absolutely perfect. His hands danced over her skin, moving towards her midriff, and when he got there, he gently placed his palm on her stomach. He stroked down over her hip, and over the top of her thigh. “Color?”

“Green,” she said softly, feeling his hand squeeze her flesh gently, before he moved towards her knees. His fingers softly stroked underneath her knees, and she jerked slightly, and gasped, “John!”

“Still ticklish, I see,” he said with a small laugh. “Just checking.” He could feel her body shiver when his open palms ran down the length of her legs. His hands wrapped around her ankles, his thumbs stroking over the skin there. She was gorgeous, and having his hands on her, gave him all kinds of wicked thoughts, but he pushed them back, and focused on her needs. Marlena had spent her entire life focusing on everyone else, and he wasn’t going to mess this up. Taking one of her feet in his hands, he pushed his thumb across the bottom, pushing deeply, and Marlena sighed. John smiled, and said, “I used to rub your feet after work. Do you remember?”

“Yes,” she said breathlessly.

“Color?” he asked her.

“Green,” she sighed. It had been so long. So long since someone had put their hands on her, and she didn’t cringe or flinch. She felt a tear escape her eye, sliding down over her cheek, and John’s hands immediately released her. Her eyes flew open, and she cried out, “No. No… don’t stop, please…”

“Doc, honey, you’re crying,” he said softly, using the tip of his finger to gently lift the tear from her face.

“It’s…it’s—I’m crying because I’m happy…I’m relieved…” She choked on her next words, “I missed you so… and I was remembering how long it has been since you’ve touched me.”

He continued to watch her, but he slowly picked up her other foot, “Color?”

“Green,” she said softly, and then she sighed again, as he started massaging her other foot. “Definitely green.”

Chapter 12

Bo stood outside of his parents’ fish market, staring into his wife’s eyes. Their flight home and their first night in Salem had been difficult. Hope had nightmares where she woke screaming for Marlena. He’d tried to comfort her, but she’d still cried herself to sleep. Just before dawn, another nightmare, and she’d been inconsolable until she’d called Marlena in Seabrook. Even then she had dark circles under her eyes, and she seemed exhausted. It had been a difficult night, and Bo only hoped that with time this would pass. He reached for her hand, noticing that her other one held Shawn-D’s. 

He wasn’t even sure they should be there. He’d wanted to tell his parents alone, but Hope had insisted that she be there with him. He sighed, “They’re going to be shocked. I’m walking in with my wife who’s supposedly been dead for the last two years…maybe we should do this a different way.”

“We can’t Bo. It’s best to get it over with,” Hope told him. She wasn’t going to allow him to do this alone. Not without her. She wasn’t going to allow her story to be told without her there to tell it.

He stared into her wide green eyes for a moment, and he said, “Fancy Face… Roman is… unpredictable. I’m not sure I want Shawn-D to be around when we tell him.”

“We don’t even know that Roman is here, and Shawn-D can watch television in the living room when we talk to your parents. We have to do this,” she said, touching his face gently. She thought about Marlena, and she replied, “I have to do this.”

The look in her eye made him uncomfortable, but he knew that with Hope, once her mind was set on something there was no changing it. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Okay. Okay… yeah. Let’s go.”

It was just before closing, and Caroline was sweeping the floor, while Shawn finished wiping down the surfaces behind the counter. Both of them were getting older, and the fish market was starting to take a toll on them. Shawn had hoped to pass it on to one of his son’s but neither Bo, nor Roman seemed interested. Caroline looked up absently when the door to the shop opened. She was just about to say that they were closed, when she saw who was standing there. There was nothing she could do, other than stand there with wide eyes.

“Saints preserve us!” Shawn said, crossing himself quickly. His son stood in front of him holding the hand of someone he’d thought was deceased for the past two years. His heart thundered, but Bo just smiled wide.

“Hey Ma. Hey Pop,” Bo said with a huge grin.

“I don’t understand,” Caroline whispered. Her fingers still clenched the broom stick in her hand. “I don’t understand.”

Shawn stared at Hope, and then he looked at Bo, asking softly, “Was John correct? Marlena?”

“Yeah, Pop. Hope, Marlena… and Marlena and John’s son,” Bo said.

“Their son?” Caroline whispered.

“I think we should all sit down,” Hope said softly. “We have a lot to catch up on.”

“That we do,” Shawn said, dropping his dish rag on the top of the fish counter. He reached for the broom and took it from Caroline’s shaky hand. “So, Roman… he was wrong then?”

Bo sighed, “He was wrong, Pop. Roman was so wrong. He didn’t even want to try, but John… he knew, and he didn’t give up.” He glanced at Hope, overcome with relief to have her by his side. “He didn’t give up, and I believed him.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The boat rocked with the waves of the Salem River, and Bo woke disoriented. Glancing at the clock, he noticed that it was barely past one in the morning. He heard Roman’s drunken yell from outside, and scrambled to get out of bed. Hope reached for his arm, “Bo?”

“Roman’s outside,” was all he said as he dragged a white t-shirt over his head. “I’ll be back.” He saw the worry in her eyes, and he touched her cheek softly, “I’ll get rid of him.”

 “Bo! Bo! Get your ass out here!” Roman yelled. He’d been by the fish market earlier, and after getting over the shock of his conversation with his parent’s, he’d gone to the Cheatin’ Heart and had too many beers. He was now soundly drunk, and angry. His rage led him to his brother’s boat in the middle of the night. “You fucking traitor! Get your ass out here!”

Climbing the stairs out of the cabin of the Fancy Face, Bo hissed, “Could you keep it down? Shawn D’s asleep.”

“Where’s my wife?” Roman yelled. “Where the fuck is my wife?”

Bo stared at Roman full of rage. Roman had no right to even stand in front of him, and make demands. “I don’t see how that’s your concern, big brother. You certainly didn’t care almost six weeks ago when John tried to tell you—”

“—where is she?” Roman roared, cutting him off. John had done this. He’s convinced Bo to do this. They were hiding Marlena and keeping her from him.

Bo smirked, his ire making him sarcastic. “I am currently not at liberty to give you that information… I’m not telling you anything. Marlena is dealing with a lot, Roman. A lot. Stefano had her for nearly six years, and if anyone would know about what that sadistic bastard can do to someone… it should be you.” He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, “She’s in therapy, and she’s safe. That’s what matters, and that’s all I’m fucking telling you.”

“What matters is, my wife is with fucking John Black, and he can’t be trusted! He can’t be trusted, Bo! How many times do I have to tell you that?” Roman stared at Bo in exasperation, with no consideration to the other houseboats moored along the pier.

“John has never done anything to show me that I couldn’t trust him. If it weren’t for John, my wife would still be with Stefano. Marlena would still be with Stefano, and… you should probably know… there’s a child.” Bo watched Roman warily and saw his eyes shift momentarily.

Roman stood there, silent in his rage. Right before he thought he killed Stefano, the man had done everything he could to verbally torture Roman. He’d told him that his family had replaced him with a monster of his making. Stefano told him that his own wife had accepted the man into her bed, and that she’d borne his child. He’d even told Roman that although Marlena was dead, he’d kept the boy. When Roman left Stefano that day, after shooting him, he was convinced he’d killed the man, and he’d forgotten the child completely. He’d walked away without another thought for that child. A child who was the product of John Black and Marlena was not his concern. 

Bo watched his brother carefully, and said quietly, “You knew. You knew there was a child! Roman? How could you do that? How could you live with yourself?”

“Marlena was dead!” Roman yelled. “What would I do with her child from another man? I didn’t want her bastard child.”

“You left a four year old boy with Stefano,” Bo said. He didn’t understand who his brother had become. Leaving a child behind, when he knew the dangers that the DiMera’s posed, Bo didn’t understand it.

“I thought I’d killed Stefano!” Roman barely noticed when lights started coming on inside other boats. He didn’t care. “That boy was not my problem!”

Bo saw Hope emerge from below deck out of the corner of his eye. Glancing over he saw nothing but pain and hurt on her face. “That’s worse, Roman! Who did you think would raise the boy?”

“I didn’t fucking care! My wife took another man into our bed, because she thought he was me! Do you know how fucked up that is?” Roman roared. “I didn’t want anything to do with that kid. I wanted to get home to my family!”

“But… John. That’s his son!” Bo exclaimed, still looking at his brother as if he didn’t recognize the angry and bitter man in front of him. “Roman! You knew he had a son, and you never said a word!”

Roman saw Hope watching him, but he was too far gone to pull back. “I don’t owe John a fucking thing, Bo!”

“You owed Avi something!” Hope screamed. The wind blew up frigid and cold off of the river, blowing her dark brown hair around her face. Her wide green eyes flashed with fury. “He’s a child! Innocent! And Marlena has spent Avi’s whole life sacrificing herself to keep her him safe! We didn’t have to be there! This past year… fuck you, Roman Brady! Fuck you!”

Bo wrapped his arm around Hope, pulling her into the shelter of his body. Staring at Roman with hard eyes, he said, “Then forget John. Forget how this affects him… it’s a child, Roman! How can you—how can you take your hatred for John out on an innocent child?”

Roman refused to take responsibility for what he’d done, instead focusing on how he’d been wronged. Hope was wrong. Bo had been brainwashed by John. He was tired of the bullshit. “How can my whole family—my whole fucking family—how can they accept that he was me?”

“He has your memories, Roman. We’ve explained this,” Bo said. He didn’t even know why he was explaining it. It was redundant. “When he came to Salem he had amnesia. He still has amnesia! He was bandaged from surgery. We’ve explained this a hundred times.”

“I was rotting in a make-shift prison, being tortured by men who worked for Stefano. Mercenaries, he called them. You know… John was once one of those mercenaries, and Stefano sent him here to infiltrate my family. You took him in! You accepted him as me! Do you know how angry that makes me?”

“Roman, you have a right to be angry, and hurt… but John’s only role in all of this, is that he’s a victim too. He doesn’t remember any of that!” Bo realized that everything he was saying was falling on deaf ears. Roman wasn’t listening.

“He’s not a fucking victim! I’m the victim!”

“Roman, right now… you look like the villain. You knew he had a child with Marlena, and you kept that to yourself. If we’d known, maybe we could have gotten them out of there sooner. We’d have gotten Hope out sooner. Marlena wouldn’t have had an additional year of fucking torture… but you, for your own selfish reasons, condemned them to another year of torture with a madman,” Bo whispered. Hope started crying against him, burying her face in his chest. “Marlena will never forgive you for that.”

Roman stared at his brother for a moment, and said stubbornly, “She’s my wife.”

Hope lifted her head, wiping the tears from her furious eyes, “If she wasn’t planning to divorce you, she will after this. You have no idea what she’s been through. None! But you? You added another year to her torture, because you’re fucking selfish! You kept Avi in that situation because you’re a fucking selfish bastard, Roman Brady!”

Roman stared at Hope in shock. Quickly looking at Bo, he asked, “You’re going to tell them?”

“I won’t keep this to myself, Roman. You know, when I was young… I admired you. I wanted to be just like you. Not anymore. That child, Avi, is the sweetest, most sensitive child I’ve ever met. He’s just like his mother… and he looks like his father,” Bo told him, wanting to hurt Roman at that moment. “If it weren’t for John… Hope, Marlena, and Avi would still be there on that island with Stefano. He would still be threatening Hope and Avi, and Marlena… Marlena would be sacrificing herself to keep them safe. So you can continue to yell, and rant, and spread as many lies about him as you want… but in my book, John Black is the best man I know. You, on the other hand, are not the same man I admired growing up.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John listened to the sound of the shower from outside the bathroom door with a heavy sigh. He could hear Marlena’s soft sobs echoing inside the room, but he knew that she wanted to be alone. What she really wanted was Hope. Marlena was having a hard time without Hope there. Hope’s presence had been the link she needed to help her transition into her life after Stefano DiMera. John hadn’t minded that connection. He still didn’t, and it was obvious from Hope’s phone call in the middle of the night the day before, that she was suffering too. The telephone rang, and he took several strides down the hallway towards the living room. Avi was tucked into the couch watching Sesame Street. He didn’t even spare John a glance. It was past his bedtime and he was zoning out. 

The telephone rang shrilly, catching John off guard. He rubbed his palms over his face with a soft groan. He was startled to hear Bo’s voice on the other end of the line so soon after Hope’s early morning phone call – especially knowing that Bo was trying to help Hope get over the strong connection she had with Marlena. “Hey. I didn’t think you’d be calling again so soon.”

“I had to call. I know it’s getting late there, but I just had a run in with Roman, and I need to tell you about it,” Bo said. He still felt physically ill after his encounter with his brother.

John felt an uncomfortable tension growing in his gut. It was well into the night in Salem. If Bo had just encountered Roman, that meant the other man had likely come to the Fancy Face while they were sleeping. “What’s going on?”

“Shit, John… he knows about Hope and Marlena being safe, but that’s not why I’m calling,” Bo said. “Ma and Pop must have filled him in. He came to the boat demanding to know where Marlena was, and through conversation he let it slip that he—he knew about Avi. Stefano let it slip when Roman thought he’d killed him…” Bo’s voice choked up, as he repeated, “He knew about Avi.”

“What?” John said quietly. A quick and silent fury rose up inside him. Glancing over at Avi on the couch, he struggled to contain it. Turning away from his son, he listened as Bo continued to speak.

“He knew. Before he shot Stefano… The arrogant son of bitch told him that Marlena was dead, but then rubbed it in his face that she’d loved you, and had your baby,” Bo told him. “He knew about Avi, and he didn’t tell a fucking soul. He came back to Salem, and never said a G-d damned thing.”

“We could have had—” John’s voice caught in his throat, as he gasped out, “–a whole fucking year, Bo!” His anger rose in him at a speed he’d never experienced before. “A whole fucking extra G-d damned year they suffered!” His heart was racing, and he glanced over his shoulder, relieved to see that Avi had left the room. 

“He showed up at the Fancy Face screaming less than a half hour ago, demanding to know where Marlena was, but I didn’t tell him. I won’t tell him,” Bo said. “If it weren’t for you… I wouldn’t have Hope. I’m not saying a damn thing.”

John was silent for a moment, “How is Hope?”

“Angry… she’s so damned angry, John… and she’s asking to come back to Seabrook,” Bo told him. “We haven’t even been back a few days, but she’s… she’s not handling it well. I thought if she had the space–”

“–Bo, I’m going to be honest with you here, Marlena isn’t handling it well either. I didn’t want to get involved, but you have to understand… what they have is special, and you and I might never fully understand it. What I can tell you is that the memories I’ve been regaining, the ones where Stefano tortured me and played with my mind – I could have used a friend. I could have used someone.” He sighed softly, “They had that. Marlena was alone for so long, and I’m not saying what happened to Hope was good… but for Marlena, Hope’s arrival was a life line.”

Bo glanced over at his wife. She was finally asleep, but she’d sobbed until sleep overtook her. “I don’t understand it, John. I don’t. The hand holding the hugs, the long embraces…” 

He was silent for a moment, and then John said, “The kissing?”

“Yeah,” Bo replied.

“Maybe, we don’t need to understand it,” John said softly. “Marlena has been very open with me about it. It’s not sexual, but she needs that closeness. Having Hope nearby calms her soul and her spirit when the flashbacks assault her, when she can feel Stefano’s hands on her body… having Hope nearby helps her pull herself back.”

Bo didn’t say anything for a long time, but John knew he was there. Finally, he glanced at Hope again, and he found her staring back at him with intense, tear filled green eyes.

Softly, John said, “Come back to Seabrook, Bo. We’ll figure this out as a family. That’s what would be best for Marlena and Hope. You know that.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Avi was scared. His little heart raced, and his fingers shook. His Papá was angry, and yelling at someone on the telephone. He tiptoed into his mother’s bathroom, where she was showering, and he said in a wavering voice, “Mama?”

Marlena jumped in surprise, and then opened the shower door slightly to peek out at her son. His face was lined with worry. “Avi, honey. What’s wrong?”

“Papá esta enojado [Daddy is angry],” her son whispered. 

Marlena was instantly concerned. John wouldn’t get angry in front of Avi, and Avi hadn’t spoken Spanish in a few weeks. If he was reverting to that, something was wrong. She reached over, turning off the water. “Hold on, darling. Let Mama get out of here, okay? Can you wait on my bed?” Avi nodded, and left the room, as she reached for her towel and hurriedly dried off.

When she exited the bathroom, she was wrapped in her bath towel, her robe forgotten on the back of the bathroom door. Her hair was still dripping water over her shoulders. Kneeling beside the bed, she reached for Avi’s small hands, and she asked him, “Can you tell me what happened?”

His small voice wavered with fear as he said, “Estaba hablando por teléfono y le está gritando a alguien [He was on the phone, and he was yelling at someone].”

“Do you want to wait here while I check on him?” she asked him. “He might be sad and need a friend.”

“Estoy asustado [I’m scared],” he whispered. Memories of Stefano’s rages were coming to him in flashes that he wanted to go away.

“Stay here, and wait for me. Your Papá would never, never hurt you, or me. I promise.” Marlena touched his face softly, “I promise.”

She returned to the bathroom, and reached for John’s flannel shirt, pulling it from the hamper. Lifting it to her nose, she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. She slid the soft plaid flannel over her skin, fastening the buttons, and she rubbed the towel over her hair vigorously, trying to rid it of most of the moisture. She walked out into the living area, and found it empty, with the doors leading outside onto the wide porch standing open. As she approached, she could see John out on the deck overlooking the wide bay, and she could tell, by the way he held his body, by the clench of his hands on the railing, that he was struggling with something. Stepping outside into the cold night air, she felt the freezing boards underneath her feet. “John?”

His whole body shook with just the sound of her voice. It shook him, and it made him want to reach for her, but he couldn’t. In a rough voice he said, “Doc, can you go back inside? Please?”

She heard it, so she asked, “Why?”

“I’m—I’m really angry right now, and I just need to calm down. I don’t want to scare Avi… I don’t want to scare you,” he said. “I just need some time, baby.”

“You don’t scare me, John. My memories scare me, but you don’t,” she said. As she said the words, she thought she was lying to him, but then she realized they were true. Her memories scared her, but John would never scare her. 

The tenderness in her voice wracked his body again, and his fingers flexed on the railing. “Please, Doc? Just go inside.”

She ignored him, and stepped closer, shivering with cold. Reaching out slowly, she touched his forearm lightly. “John… talk to me… please.”

Instead he turned, and looked at her with tortured eyes. He’d been crying, and it broke her heart. She reached for his face, wiping the tears from his cheek, suddenly overcome with the desire to hold him… to touch him. Dr. Vellanki had told her that she should not hold back her natural inclinations when it came to being in John’s space. She stepped closer, and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

A sob breaks free from John’s chest. The rage he’d first felt turned into agony for his son, and for Marlena. His arms hung limply by his sides, as he refused to allow himself to grab her, afraid of the need coursing through his body. He could imagine his fingers twisting in the flannel of his shirt, and he closed his eyes for a moment to gain his bearings. Marlena looked up at him, and whispered, “It’s okay… you can– you can hold me.”

John’s arms tentatively encircled her small frame, as if she were the tether holding him to his own sanity. Following Bo’s call, the guilt that John thought he’d dealt with, all came flooding back. He blamed himself. He should have known Roman was hiding something. Roman had known about Avi. He’d known, and he’d kept it to himself. If he’d told someone, if John had known, he would have gone after his son. He would have found Marlena and Hope sooner, and Marlena wouldn’t have spent an additional year being raped, and emotionally tortured by Stefano DiMera. His rage was all consuming, and John feared, if Roman had been there at that moment, he might have killed him. He probably would have killed him.

He tried not to hold onto her too tightly. He tried, and he failed. His fists grabbed at the fabric of his shirt, and he sobbed into her, burying his face in her damp hair. All of his anger, all of his guilt, and all of his love for her. She absorbed it all, and she simply held him. Her heart was breaking for him, and she didn’t even know why. They stood there, lost in the moment, until Marlena’s body started to shake. She tipped her face up to his, and caught him staring down at her. She loved him so much. Letting go of his waist, she reached up, touching his lips softly, feeling his gasp against her fingers. He was so beautiful.

“Doc,” he groaned, again overcome with the desire to tug her closer.

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

His pulse thundered, “I can’t…”

She whispered, her soft breath reaching his lips as she leaned forward, “Why?”

“I—I don’t want to scare you. I don’t want to—I can’t be gentle right now,” he whispered, feeling the fabric of the shirt at her waist bunched in his hands.

“Then don’t be gentle. Just kiss me…” Her lips brushed across his softly. “Just kiss me.”

His hands opened, his palms laying flat against the curve of her waist. He could feel the heat of her body through the soft flannel fabric. She smelled like a mixture of his cologne, and soap mixed with shampoo. He closed his eyes again, and when he opened them it was to find himself caught up in her wide hazel gaze. Outwardly he seemed so calm, but inside he was an inferno. Leaning forward his mouth devoured her. Later he would consider the way he kissed her, like a man starving, and maybe he was. He would recall the taste of her on his lips. His teeth bit at her soft mouth, and his tongue lapped over hers in desperation. All the while he kept his palms firmly anchored on her waist, refusing to reach for her neck or her hair. Pulling back with a gasping breath, he rasped out, “Color?”

“Green,” she sighed, pulling his mouth back to hers. She whined into his mouth, as sensations she hadn’t felt in years washed over her. The taste of his mouth was as familiar as his cologne, and she wanted more. Opening her mouth wider, she allowed him entrance, sliding her soft tongue alongside his. She felt her core start to ache, and she leaned against him, pulling his arms tighter around her body. She could feel his arousal pressed against her, and she wasn’t afraid. She smiled against his mouth, and John pulled back, looking at her.

“You’re smiling,” he whispered.

“I’m happy,” she said quietly. She shivered again, and then asked him, “Are you ready to talk about what happened?”

Marlena’s body shivered again, and John glanced at her bare feet on the cold porch. “We can do that inside I think.”

She touched his face softly, “I need to run and tell Avi everything’s okay. I’ll come right back.”

His eyes narrowed with worry, “Did I scare him?”

“A little, but he has to learn that anger doesn’t always mean violence,” she said, kissing him again softly. John watched her run into the house, and wondered how he was going to tell her what Roman had done.

John stared out at the water of the bay, watching the moonlight play over the waves. Marlena had been hurt by Stefano, but what Roman had done was a betrayal that would run much deeper. He had left her child in the hands of a madman. John was almost afraid of what this might do to her. It could set her back weeks in therapy. He hoped that Bo would reconsider, and come back to Seabrook with Shawn-D and Hope, because Marlena would need the support, and if he knew Hope, she would need that distance from Roman. She was fierce when it came to the people she loved.

Walking in the house he found Marlena sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, putting on a pair of fluffy pink socks. She put on a pair of gray sweatpants, but she was still wearing his brown flannel shirt. She glanced up at him, saying, “Avi fell asleep in my bed.”

“It’s probably for the best. He played on the beach all morning, and then that wild game of hide and seek this afternoon.” John stared at her for a moment. He loved her so much. It lanced his heart, having to tell her what Roman had done, but their relationship had to be built on trust. He couldn’t keep this from her. If he lied to her, he might never be able to fully gain her trust back. Sitting down across from her, he stared at her for a moment, before he finally said, “I was on the phone with Bo. Roman knew about Avi. When he came home a year ago, he knew… and he didn’t tell anyone.”

“He knew? He knew that Stefano had my son, and he didn’t tell anyone? What about me? Did he know about me?” Whoever Roman had become while he was Stefano’s captive, it wasn’t the man she had married all those years ago.

“He told Bo he thought you were dead. He thought he’d killed Stefano, but he… he intentionally kept the information about Avi to himself. Probably to keep it from me, because he never mentioned my son,” John said.

“If you’d known… you would have looked for him,” she said softly, almost as if she were lost in her own mind. “You would have looked for him, and you would have found us… but you didn’t, because…”

“Doc, you know I would have,” John whispered, reaching for her hand. When she didn’t move away from him, he laced their fingers together.

Her chest hurt, and she was finding it hard to get deep breaths into her body. “We were there the whole time… why didn’t he say something to you? Avi is your child! Does he hate you that much?” She stared at John with tears shining in her eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand either, Doc. As much as Roman hates me, Avi is a child, an innocent. I can’t forgive this. If I’d known… if he’d fucking opened his selfish G-d damned mouth, Doc… I would have found my son… and I would have found you,” John said.

She closed her eyes, forcing herself to use the coping skills she’d been practicing. Taking a deep breath, she counted, and focused on what made her happy. John made her happy. Her son made her happy. Hope made her happy. Speaking softly to herself, she whispered, “I’m not going to crumble from this…I won’t.” Opening her eyes, she stared into the bluest eyes she’d ever known, and she told him, “My time with you…these past weeks—I’m stronger, and Avi’s stronger. When we go home, I won’t be going home to him.”

Scooting closer to her, he whispered, “What do you want to do, baby? You tell me, and we’ll do it.”

For the first time since she was rescued, she felt hopeful about her relationship with him. “I want to be with you, John.”

He smiled, leaning forward to kiss her softly on the lips, “That’s good, Doc, because I want to be with you.”

Chapter 13

Marlena knelt before John, where he lay on the futon, and stared at his shirtless body. The flames from the hearth flickered orange and yellow across his skin. He was lying prone in his boxer briefs without his tank top, his eyes were closed, and she could imagine that his pulse was pounding exactly like hers. Marlena closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. She could do this. It was the first time they were doing TTT like this, and she was fairly certain that they had moved away from the clinical side of things, and were moving into uncharted territory. No tank top, no shorts… in his underwear…definitely not clinical. The thinnest layer of cotton would be between his skin and her hands. She had asked Dr. Vellanki about it in her session that morning. Was what she wanted appropriate? Marlena’s doctor had reassured her that she should be doing what she was comfortable with. She knew she wanted more, so she had shyly asked John if he was willing to take it further, not that she had expected him to say no. After their kiss on the deck two days ago, they had kissed several more times, once being caught by Avi, who just stared at them with wide, curious eyes, asking, “What are you doing?”

“Are you ready?” John asked, opening his eyes, and staring up at her. He knew his pupils were probably blown with arousal. He couldn’t help it. No amount of thinking about Sami and Eric’s prior arguments would quell the urges in his body. Marlena seemed to have expected it. There were times when he almost thought she wanted his body to react. Why else would she tease him the way she did? 

“Yes,” she whispered, placing her palm on his abdomen. She watched his eyes close, and felt the ripple of his muscles under her palm signaling her effect on him. She smiled softly to herself, and again, she felt that rush of power. She did this to him. Sliding her palm down, she dipped her index finger into his navel, watching him shiver, and then she swept her hand over his hip. “Are you cold?” she asked him.

His body shook with anticipation. “Doc, I think you know… I’m not cold,” he said with a smirk.

Marlena glanced down, and saw that he was half-hard in his boxer briefs. In the weeks since her rescue she’d become more comfortable with having him near. Sleeping with his shirts helped – the constant sound of his voice, and the kindness she saw mirrored in his eyes – all of i served to remind her of what they had once been. All of it helped heal the horror of her years with Stefano. John’s cock twitched beneath the cotton. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, but she ran her finger down the length of him, and his hips bucked. His eyes stared at her intently, and she smiled to herself again, when he groaned, “Doc…”

Moving her hands to his chest, she ran them languidly over his heated flesh, concentrating on the feel of his coarse hair under them, while breathing deeply of his scent. “You smell so good,” she whispered. “Your smell makes me feel so safe, and I don’t know if I even have the words to tell you what that means to me.”

“You are safe. With me, you will always be safe,” he murmured. He couldn’t control his body’s response to her, and shivered again, when she rubbed the pad of her finger over his nipple, intentionally looking for a response. She got one, as goosebumps covered his body, and his nipple pebbled under her ministrations. His body ached. He arched towards her touch, moaning, “G-d, woman. I love you.”

Marlena laughed softly, enjoying the light moments they shared when things got heavy. “I love you too, John,” she said. She wanted more. Staring at him, she asked quietly, “Can I try something?”

His breathing hitched, and he said softly, “Yes.”

Marlena took a deep breath, gathering the courage to move, and then she climbed over him, straddling his body. She was wearing a pair of neon pink bike shorts Hope had left behind, and a simple white t-shirt, but John thought she was gorgeous with her long blonde hair streaming in waves over her shoulders and down her back. She’d gained weight over the last few weeks, and that healthy glow she’d always had, had returned to her. She settled her body on his, sitting her center directly over his cock, and he nearly bit his own tongue to keep from moaning in pleasure. Leaning forward slightly, she splayed her palms over his chest, and rubbed over his skin. The position put pressure on her clit. In a shaky voice she said, “I was wondering if I would be okay with this.”

“What do you mean?” he asked roughly. He was throbbing beneath her, and he could feel himself getting harder. It took every ounce of resolve he possessed to keep himself still. 

“If I was on top… I wondered…” Her voice trailed off, and then picked up again. “I wondered if I would feel okay this way.”

His hands clenched at his sides. John whispered, “And?”

She pushed down a little, the pressure causing pleasurable jolts to course along her nerves. “I feel good. In charge of what happens to me,” she whispered. “Can you… can you put your hands on my hips?”

John hesitated for a moment, staring into her eyes. He was looking for doubt or wariness. Seeing none, he slowly lifted his hands, and settled them on her, gently squeezing. He’d gotten into the habit of asking her what color she was when he touched her, so he said without thinking, “Color?”

Marlena’s eyes fluttered at the sensation. His warm palms, the gentle squeeze of her hips. “Green… John? Can you touch me?”

John’s pulse thundered, as he repeated, “Touch you? Doc, I don’t know…” His cock twitched underneath her, and he fought his body’s urge to push up against her. She was in control of what was happening, and he couldn’t act impulsively, but his body was screaming for her.

“Please? I feel like… I need more, but I’m scared. I’m scared about what I’m wanting. I’m scared about how to move forward… and this way, it feels more controlled,” she said, running her fingers through his chest hair slowly. John slid his hands slowly up her arms, and over her shoulders, careful to avoid her neck. He started to move his hands back down, and Marlena whispered, “Touch my neck.”

John’s hands stopped their downward path, freezing where they were. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

His fingers grazed over her collarbones, as he asked her, “Like this?”

“Yes,” she sighed as his fingers danced up the column of her neck. Her head rolled back momentarily, and John’s index finger trailed down her throat. The feel of his calloused palm over the soft skin of her neck, had her body shaking.

His hand shook as he asked her, “Color?”

“Green.” She was nervous. Flashes of Stefano’s rage filled eyes hit her, one right after another, but she took a deep breath, instead forcing herself to focus on the feel of his fingers caressing over her skin. She knew how to handle this. Weeks of therapy had prepared her, but then suddenly she felt Stefano’s fingers squeezing her, and she gasped out, “Yellow! Yellow!”

John immediately removed his hands, clenching them at his hips. He struggled to control his own breathing as he waited for her to speak. She was breathing deeply with her eyes closed – in through her nose and out through her mouth. Laying his palms flat on the futon, he focused on the cool feel of the fabric against his palms, and he watched her regain her composure.

“He would choke me,” she whispered. John saw tears sliding from her eyes. “When he was angry. He wanted me to fight him, or enjoy what he was doing to my body. But I would just lay there, as if I were dead. I wanted to be dead, and I would lay there waiting for it to be over… and, he’d—he’d get so angry, because whatever he wanted from me… I wasn’t doing it right.”

“Doc, are you sure you want to talk about this?” John asked her quietly, vowing to himself yet again that someday, Stefano was going to suffer. “If you’re not ready–”

“–I’m ready. I’m ready. I’m ready… touch my neck again,” she whispered. “I need to do this, John. I need to get over this fear, because my heart knows you would never hurt me.”

His hands trailed softly back up her neck, feeling the tremble of her body beneath his palm. Trying to be as gentle as he could, and making sure she was comfortable with his touch, he whispered, “Color, baby?”

“Green,” she said, closing her eyes, and concentrating on the feel of him. Without meaning to do it, her hips rolled slightly. “Do you remember that time in Stockholm?”

John’s hands stopped moving, as he thought about it. He immediately knew what she was referring to. They had barely made it to their hotel room the night John had saved her from Orpheus. He’d pushed her slight frame against the door, holding her gently by her neck, immobilizing her, so that he could worship her body. He remembered. His cock twitched again, as he thought about how he had held her there with one hand, while he’d leaned down biting at her breasts. He’d fucking worshipped her that night, pinning her in place with his hand gently wrapped around the column of her neck. John moaned, deep in his throat, “Doc.”

His fingers twitched, and he started to take his hands away from her, but she stopped him. “Don’t!” she gasped, holding his hand to her neck. “Keep your hand there.”

John’s voice sounded choked, “Why, Doc? Why do you want me to do this, when it obviously triggers you?”

She glanced down at him with smokey eyes, “Because it didn’t always trigger me, John. It used to… arouse me. I used to crave it… please, John? Touch me.”

His palm cupped her throat, and he swallowed nervously, staring straight into her eyes, while his other hand followed the path of her hip, and over her thigh. Marlena moaned, moving her hips over him slightly. He felt his cock lengthen. Her center rolled over him again, and he groaned, “Color?”

Marlena pushed her pelvis down against him for the third time, moaning, “Green.”

“Doc?” he asked her, releasing her neck, and staring at her with blown pupils. He didn’t trust himself. “We need to talk, because this is becoming heated very quickly. I’m scared. I don’t want to fuck this up… I don’t want to do something that could scare you, and set you back so far we’re starting over.”

Marlena stared at him in wonder. For the first time in six years she wanted someone sexually. She felt herself getting emotional, and her eyes welled up with tears. She’d never imagined that she would be able to even consider what she was about to say. “I trust you… do you trust me?”

John smiled at her, reaching up to touch her cheek softly. “What? Doc, of course I trust you.”

Marlena reached for the hem of her shirt, pulling the soft cotton fabric over her head. She covered her breasts with it for a moment, and then she laid it to the side. “Touch me,” she whispered. “If I need you to stop, I’ll say red. If I need you to slow down… yellow, but right now the color is green.”

“Green,” he whispered shakily, worshiping her body as he lifted his hands to splay over her ribs. Sliding his palms up, he cupped her breasts. Every muscle in his body quaked, and he watched her every reaction, looking for any sign that she wanted him to stop. All he saw on her face was bliss. She arched into his hands, and her head lolled back. He had to trust that if it was too much, she’d say something. He had to trust her the way she was trusting him. They had to trust each other, and for the first time since they had started the process, John allowed himself to let go, and stop holding back. His hands squeezed the soft flesh of her breasts, kneading them, while his thumbs rubbed over her nipples. She moaned, and he tugged at the dusky nub.

Marlena cried out softly, and then whispered, “Green.”

John lifted his head up, teasing her nipple with the tip of his tongue. “Fuck, Doc…” he moaned, sitting up, and lapping at her breast. The softest touch, but the taste of her filled his senses. Her whimper drove him on. John opened his mouth, sucking her flesh between his lips with an agonizing growl, while his hips bucked slightly. He couldn’t stop himself. He sucked on her with a desperation borne of need, and his hips rolled underneath her searching for relief.

She could feel moisture pooling in the gusset of her bike shorts, the need in her rising higher. Pressing her clit down more firmly, she gasped, “John, I need—I need—” she was at a loss for words, because she wanted him, but she wasn’t ready for wanting him, and she wasn’t sure how to express that. She ached with wanting him, and it scared her to death. She leaned forward with a whimper, her fingernails scraped across his shoulders. 

Lifting her up, he stared into her amber eyes, “Do you trust me?”

“I do. I do,” she said breathlessly.

John wasn’t sure he should even suggest it, but the desperation in her face, bordering on agony, told him he had to. They were ready, at least for the next step. Roughly he whispered, “Take off your shorts, Doc.”

She didn’t hesitate, rolling to the side. She was gasping with arousal, her fingers shaking as she peeled the hot pink spandex over her hips. Rising up onto her knees, she looked down at him. He’d pushed his boxer briefs down, below his cock, and it was so fucking erotic she whined.  Reaching out, she touched the tip of his cock, wiping the drop of pre cum from him. She stared at the glistening fluid on the end of her finger, and then she whispered, “Tell me what to do.”

“Straddle me again,” he said roughly. “Just like you were before.” Crossing her leg over his body, she stood on her knees, balanced over him. Her pussy felt heavy and full, throbbing with want. John settled his hands on her hips, guiding her body down, “Sit down baby. Open your legs wider, and settle your pussy along my cock.”

She watched his face. His eyes closed, and his head rolled back. She felt a deep rumble in his chest, and his fingers dug into her soft flesh. The heat of him settled between her pussy lips, and she groaned out loud, feeling the pressure against her clit. His hands gripped her hips even tighter, and she could tell from the look on his face that he was holding back.

It was fucking torture, and he would gladly spend the rest of his life suffering. John rasped out in a choked voice, “Color?”

Marlena could barely speak, “Oh, G-d! John you know!”

“Tell me!” he roared, his hips bucking up underneath her. “I have to hear it.”

“Green,” she cried out, trying to move her hips. But John helf her in place, refusing to allow her to move. She sobbed, “Green.”

Using his hands on her hips, John used gentle pressure to pull her body towards him, so that her pussy slid along his length. She was so wet, so slick. His eyes closed in pleasure. “Fuck, Doc… you feel so good…”

Sensation was exploding from every nerve in her body. The tip of his cock bumped her clit, as she slid over him. He was moving so slowly she was in agony. Rolling her hips, she started to slide her body over him faster, desperate for the release she knew was coming. The release she knew she needed. Rising higher, and higher, she leaned on her hands to support her weight against his chest, and she raked her fingernails over his skin, panting, and moaning. “Harder,” she whispered. “Faster.”

What had started as a way for him to help her come, had him on the edge of coming himself. John gripped her hips tighter, his fingers digging even deeper into the soft flesh of her hips, as he ground himself up against her. He was there. Right there. Gasping, he lifted her off of him, holding her above his throbbing cock. Marlena whimpered. Roughly he said, “Doc, I’m going to come if we don’t stop.”

“No! No! Green, John! Green! Don’t stop!”

He wanted to flip her body over on the futon. He wanted to push into her body and pour his seed deep into her womb. Holding himself back was the truest test of trust. “You’re sure, Doc? You’re fucking sure?”

“I need to come,” she cried softly. “Please, John!” Pushing her body down, he slid her along the underside of his cock, the tip bumping her clit with every pass, and Marlena immediately fell over the cliff into orgasmic oblivion. John followed right behind her, roaring into the silent room.

Both of them collapsed, spent. They had no more energy left to give. Marlena’s heavy breaths wafted over John’s sweaty skin. She closed her eyes, waiting to feel sad, or scared, or dirty – waiting for that sickening feeling of disgust to wash over her, but it never came. It never came. She felt none of it. Instead, she felt safe, and she felt loved. She felt so much love it canceled everything else out. She started crying, her tears falling in hot droplets against his skin. That was when she knew that she was healing, and she was with the perfect person to help her heal. “I love you,” she whispered, pushing her face against his neck, as his hands softly stroked over her back. “I love you so much.”

John said softly, “You are the other half of my soul, Doc.”

Chapter 14

John found Marlena sitting outside on the steps leading down to the beach, watching Avi play near the shore. The wind was freezing, but neither one seemed to notice. Even though he and Marlena had been growing closer, the fact that Bo and Hope had remained in Salem seemed to be slowing down Marlena’s progress. Hope had been a tremendous support system for Marlena, especially when she was working through things she wasn’t completely comfortable sharing with him. He’d spoken to Bo several times, about possibly coming back, but ultimately Bo felt like his family’s place was in Salem. John wasn’t sure Hope agreed, but her time with Stefano had been so traumatic because of her forced separation from Bo and Shawn D, that she didn’t put up a fight, although she called Marlena daily.

“Hey, Doc,” he said softly from about ten feet away. As usual, Marlena jumped. Her trauma response was still high, and he knew she would. He smiled at her reassuringly when her head pivoted quickly to look at him.

“Oh, John!” she said a little breathlessly. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

Marlena had pulled back emotionally ever since their touch therapy had gone a little too far, and he could understand why. It had been overwhelming for her. She’d gone to bed that night, quietly telling him goodnight, and the next day, she’d been quiet and withdrawn. 

Sitting down beside her on the step, he said softly, “I think we need to talk about what happened the other night.”

Glancing at him quickly, she said, “I’m not ready for that.”

“Have you discussed it in therapy? Or have you discussed it with Hope?” he asked, watching her for signs of distress.

Marlena felt those feelings of disgust rising up inside her, and she started to feel sick. “John…I can’t…”

“Doc, I just need to know that you’re not alone with these emotions. That’s all.” He waited for a moment, giving her time to respond.

After several long beats, Marlena told him, “I spoke with Dr. Vellanki… and she encouraged me to speak with Hope about what happened. I did… I did that, but I’m still–”

“–Marlena… that’s all I needed to know. I just wanted to be sure that you weren’t alone with these big emotions. That’s all.” He turned to watch Avi dragging a stick down the beach, and he took a deep breath. Marlena stayed quiet, and wanting to ease some of the tension, John said, “I was thinking about ordering Chinese for dinner. What do you think?”

Marlena smiled softly as she stared out at the bay. She hadn’t had Chinese since that first night after they’d returned to Salem from Stockholm. They’d gotten in late, and the kids had already been half asleep at the fish market. John had ordered food from a place on the other side of town that did late night delivery. She’d cuddled with him on the couch, sharing take-out containers of fried rice and egg foo young. 

John was about to give up, and head out to the beach with Avi when she said, “With egg rolls?”

He couldn’t suppress the smile that took over his face. “Anything you want, Doc.”

She glanced over, and said sadly, “I miss Hope.”

John slipped his hand over beside hers, linking their pinkies together. “I know you do, and I was thinking about that… if you’re ready to go home, back to Salem, you could finish your therapy there. I know we had originally planned to stay here for awhile, but I’m worried that you’re struggling right now. I know that Hope… I mean having her close by would be a huge help to you.”

Tears filled her eyes when she looked at him. How was she so lucky to have him in her life? “Really?”

“Really.” He was quiet for a moment, and then told her, “I’ve been reluctant to go back, because I worry about Roman, but if you feel strong enough… we can go home. If that’s what you want, but we will… we’re going to have to talk about Roman.”

“You’re worried about him?”

“I’m worried about how he behaves since he came back. He’s unpredictable, he caustic… and I worry, Doc. I worry about how that might affect you. I want to protect you from that right now.” John sighed, “He’s going to want to see you, and his anger could hurt your progress. You’re doing so well, baby.”

“You’re scared.” She could see it in his face. She could read it in his eyes. Hope had told her about Roman coming to the boat in the middle of the night. She’d said that he was irate, and making demands. His behavior had been so out of character, so far from what he used to be… and yet so similar at the same time. “You’ll be with me?”

“That’s not even in question, Doc.” His free hand raised slowly, as he leaned forward. Marlena sat still, and he brushed the back of his fingers softly along her jaw. “I will be there. I will protect you… I will do whatever you need me to do.”

“You can’t be with me all of the time.” She knew it was unrealistic to expect that from him. He couldn’t be.

“I can,” he said quickly. “Doc, I have so much money I don’t know what to do with it. I can hire people to run my company. I can hire people to run Isabella’s charity. Fuck, I could sell the company. I don’t even enjoy business. If we go home to Salem, we can find you a therapist–”

“–Kim,” she said quickly. “I want Kim.”

“I can call her tonight.” He knew why she would immediately want Kim. Kim had worked for years with victims of sexual assault and rape. She’d run the clinic at Salem University Hospital for years before she moved to Los Angeles after her divorce from Shane three months earlier. John would beg Kim to move home to Salem if it would help Marlena. “I’ll call her as soon as we get back up to the house.”

Marlena saw the sincerity in his eyes. He was going to put his whole life on hold, to help her get hers back. She wanted to be that strong woman again. She wanted to be engaged in her children’s lives, and she wanted Avi to know Carrie, Sami, and Eric. She wanted it all back, but unlike Roman, she was going to appreciate it all as if it were the finest gift. “Where would we stay?”

“We can stay at my loft until we find a bigger place. Once everything has settled we’re going to need room for the kids.”

Marlena felt relief flood her. He wanted to make a life with her, even after everything that Stefano had done to her. “We’re really going to do this? You and me?”

“I’m not leaving you to heal from this on your own. I never would. We can make decisions about where we go as a couple later… I can give you the emotional space you need, but I will always be your best friend first, and I will always protect you.” 

A gust of wind caught her off guard, and she shivered as she looked at John. “I want to go home, John. I want to be with my children… and I want to be near Hope. I feel… I feel lost without her. I can tell her things that…”

Her voice trailed off, and John whispered, “You can tell her things that you can’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears filled her eyes. She was so broken, and she felt like she was somehow failing him.

John leaned down, staring at her with intense blue eyes. “Do not ever apologize to me for how you feel. Never. I cannot and will not ever fully understand what you’ve been through. I can’t, because I wasn’t there, baby. I didn’t experience it, but Hope… she did. She was with you for the last two years. Don’t apologize for needing her, when she was the only support system you had. I owe Hope everything right now. Everything. Do you understand that? You and Avi are here with me, because Hope held you when you cried… Hope reminded you every day of what it felt like to be genuinely cared for, and I will never begrudge you that.”

For the first time in days, Marlena reached for him, touching his face gently. “I want to go home.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena was in the master bathroom running Avi a bubble bath when John picked up the telephone to call Kim. He’d had to call Shawn and Caroline first to get the number, and he could hear the apprehension in Caroline’s voice as she said softly, “If Roman finds out that I gave you this… he might keep Sami and Eric away from us.” It nearly broke his heart to hear the woman he’d once called Mom sound so defeated.

The line rang twice, before Kim answered, sounding breathless, “Hello?”

“Kimmy,” John said softly.

She almost started crying from relief. Roman had called her the day before screaming and yelling, accusing her of knowing where John had his wife. Once Roman had learned that Shane and the ISA had been involved in the retrieval of Hope and Marlena from San Cristobal, Roman had assumed that Kim had somehow known about it. No amount of reassurance would convince him otherwise. “John! You don’t know how happy I am to hear from you!”

“Caroline told me that Roman had accused you of knowing that Shane helped me,” he replied, walking over to the large windows. He watched a boat out on the bay, and thought about Bo and Hope. “I’m sorry he did that.”

“John, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you had nothing to do with it. Roman assumes because Shane helped you, that I knew what was happening. I set him straight.” Taking a deep breath, she watched Andrew and Jeannie on the couch as they watched television. “How is Marlena?”

Brushing his hand through his hair, he said, “To tell you the truth, that’s why I called. She wants to go home… to Salem, and I’m worried. I’m not sure she’s ready at all, but she’s missing Hope so badly, and Bo… well, Bo doesn’t want to come back to Washington.” 

“Will she ever be ready, John?” Kim asked him carefully. “No matter when she does this, it’s going to be a lot for her to handle. She hasn’t seen Carrie or the twins in six years. The last time she saw Roman, Eric and Sami weren’t even three weeks old. Whether she makes the move now or later, it will be difficult.”

“She’s asking for you, Kim. She’s asking for you to be her therapist when she gets home.”

Kim’s heart ached when she thought about Shane. It ached because somehow they’d lost their way, and the trust was gone. “John, I left because–”

“–I know why you left Kimmy, but I’m asking you to come home. Please. Marlena, she… she needs you to get her through this. She’ll only be able to open up to you,” He said, glancing down the hall to make sure that Marlena wasn’t listening. “Stefano raped her for six years, Kim. You specialize in this type of trauma–”

“–not at this level, John!” Kim was afraid that he was giving her more credit than she deserved. “I don’t know if I can help her.”

“You can,” he said. “You can, because she’s asking for you. That’s already the first step. The trust is there, and it will take her weeks if she has to build that with someone else.”

He was right. She sighed and then told him, “Why don’t I come to see you first, before I make a decision?”

“You’d come here? To Washington?”

“Yes,” she said. She was already resigned to going back to Salem, almost as soon as John had asked her. Her pride was the only thing that had kept her in California for as long as she had. Treating Marlena would be the excuse she needed to go home to Salem, and get her husband back. “Washington? You’re in Washington state?”

“Just a short flight up the coast,” he said with a grin. “When can you get here?”

“That depends. Kids or no kids?” she asked with a wide grin.

“Kids,” he replied. “Avi would love the company, and I would love to see Jeannie and Andrew.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bo stared at Hope incredulously. “Ok. Ok… you say I don’t understand, so explain it to me.”

“I love her. I love her, but I’m not in love with her. We’re friends, but we’re closer than friends. She’s a soul mate. I can’t lose you, Bo. I can’t… but, I can’t lose her either. I need you to somehow try to understand that. When I was at my lowest, when I cried for you at night… she was there. She was the one who held me while I slept, and promised me that one day I would get you and Shawn D back. If I didn’t have her… I wouldn’t have survived it.” Hope wiped furiously at her tears, feeling the cold breeze blow across the river, and hit her cheeks with an icy gust. “I don’t think that’s going to change.”

“I don’t know what to do with that. It’s hard for me to watch you with her–”

“–why? Because our embraces last longer than you’re comfortable with?” she asked him with growing frustration.

“Hope! I saw the two of you kissing!” He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration feeling a combination of jealousy and sadness. “I don’t know how to react to that!”

“Do you love her?” Hope asked him.

“What?” He stared at her for a moment, thinking of everything he had been through with Marlena. The time he’d gifted her a stolen microwave for her wedding to Roman, or when he’d told her about Roman’s death. “It’s Marlena… of course I love her.”

“I love her too, and what we’ve been through… the two of us – no one will ever understand it. There will be times Bo, when she needs me… or I need her, and you have to trust me on this. I need you to believe in me when I say, you are my lover and my husband… but I can’t let her go. Not the way you want me to.” 

She stared at him with fierce green eyes, and Bo gave up. John’s words echoed in his mind, “We don’t need to understand it, Bo. We need to love them, and we need to help them heal… and right now Marlena needs Hope to do that.” Hope would have his heart forever, there was no denying that, and if he had to share part of it with Marlena he would find a way to that. He would find a way to do that for Hope, and for Shawn D, and hopefully somewhere in the process his family would heal.

Chapter 15

Marlena stared at Kim with sad eyes. Kim leaned forward, “Can I hold your hand?” A short nod was all she received in acknowledgment. Marlena’s skin was cool against hers, even though they were sitting near the fireplace. Softly she asked, “Do you want to talk about your connection to Hope?”

A soft sigh left Marlena’s parted lips. “She’s my best friend. She’s my lifeline. I don’t think… well, John tries to understand, but no one can. Not really.” Marlena felt tears fall from her eyes silently, and stream down her face. Even sitting next to the fireplace, she felt cold. John had taken the children down to the beach, even though there was a light snow falling. The sky was a dull gray, and the water was choppy, but the children didn’t seem to mind. “When Hope first arrived in San Cristobal, Avi was three. I was barely there mentally, disassociating more often than not. I lived under constant threat, afraid that Stefano lingered around every corner, and behind every bush. He took every opportunity he could to threaten to take Avi away from me… in truth, Kim, he was slowly killing me. Chipping away at me bit by bit, and I had no fight left. If I hadn’t had Avi…”

Marlena’s voice trailed off, and Kim knew instantly what she’d been about to say. “You would have ended your life?”

“What would there have been for me without Avi? I was nothing. I was a body for Stefano to abuse… to defile, and Roman – I mean, John… what worth would I hold for him once he knew what I’d been used for?” Marlena wiped at her tears with a choked sob. “What I’d allowed myself to be used for.”

“But you understand that those thoughts aren’t true.”

“I know that. Logically, I know that, but there is another part of me that holds no value for myself, and I wonder how anyone else could hold value for me either.” She couldn’t continue to stare into Kim’s pale blue eyes. There was too much there, too much knowledge, and too much empathy. Standing up, Marlena went into the dining area, and rested her forehead against the cold glass. A small smile came over her face as she watched John chase the children down the beach with his arms spread wide. Lifting her head, she continued to stare down at the beach as she said, “When Hope came, she was bandaged. Stefano said she’d been in an accident, and claimed in his typical grandiose manner that he’d saved her. Essentially, he wanted me to be grateful for his gesture, the gift of Hope. He handed her over to my care as if presenting me with another human was nothing out of the ordinary. He bought her from Ernesto Toscano. I guess one madman was finished with her and Stefano saw her as a prize. Another way to destroy the Brady’s.” Turning around, she laughed sardonically, “Can you fucking believe that?”

Kim blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to push back her empathic tendencies and focus on Marlena. The pain was rolling off of her in waves, and Kim could feel it viscerally. “He placed you in charge of her care?”

“Yes.” She rested against the glass, staring at Kim across the room. “And she saved my life. Without her, without that pinpoint focus I had on her and Avi’s care… maybe I wouldn’t be here. I sacrificed myself over and over again to keep them safe.”

“Was the reconstruction of her face–”

“–It had already been done by the time she came to the island,” Marlena said. “At first she was so weak, and her memory… she didn’t recall who she was, or who I was. She didn’t know her name.” She stopped speaking, lost in her memories. Hope had fallen in love with her during that time. She hadn’t even told Dr. Vellanki that bit of information. It was private, between her and Hope. As Hope’s memory had returned she’d grown confused, and increasingly despondent. Hope hadn’t been sure how to handle what she was feeling. She’d desperately wanted to be with Bo and Shawn D. She’d wanted to go home, but she’d also struggled with her feelings for Marlena. Prior to her accident Hope had never felt anything but familial towards her. After two years together, they could solidly say to one another that they had the deepest friendship, a friendship they hadn’t even known could exist. They’d had conversations well into the night, where they discussed that confusion, but ultimately they’d never come to any conclusion. How could they? It was all about survival. “When Hope first woke, she was so scared, Kim. She was afraid, and she–she had no idea who she was. I nursed her through long nights, and everyday she became stronger…”

“How long did her amnesia last?” Kim stood up from the ottoman she was sitting on, and followed Marlena into the dining room. Sitting down at the kitchen table, she waited.

“About seven months. Her memories started to return slowly, and I tried to help her understand them, but it was difficult. We’d grown close– perhaps too close, and she had trouble reconciling her feelings for me with what she was remembering of her life with Bo.” Marlena stared at Kim helplessly, “Her depression was born from that.”

Kim sighed softly. Bo had no idea exactly how complicated everything was, and if he continued to refuse to try to understand it he would stay in the dark, possibly to the detriment of his own marriage. “How do you feel about Hope?”

“I love her.”

Kim continued to sit there quietly, and wait for Marlena to say more.

“I love her more than a friend, not like a sister. I can’t let her go… but we aren’t lovers. We have never been lovers.” One night, almost eight months earlier, they had come close, but both of them had pulled back. Sitting down across from Kim, she whispered, “It’s complicated.”

Kim leaned forward, placing a reassuring hand on Marlena’s knee. “Do you feel like going home to Salem will be the best thing to do for you right now?”

She thought about Hope, and her children, replying, “I do. I understand that Roman has changed… I’m changed. How could he not after spending seven years with Stefano?”

“Do you still care for Roman?”

“Not in the way a wife should care for her husband. My time with Roman was beautiful… but that time is over.”

“You’re in love with John?” Kim asked her softly.

“Since I ran off to Gauley Valley with him… I have always loved him,” she whispered.

Kim smiled, knowing that Marlena had made great strides towards her recovery over the last few months. She’d spent the night before reading over Marlena’s file from Dr.Vellanki. The woman who had been rescued from San Cristobal was not the same woman sitting across from her. “Does he know?”

Marlena felt the heat rising up the column of her neck as she thought about their encounter in front of the fire. She glanced out over the bay before standing up. “He knows.” Unable to look at Kim, she continued, “But I don’t feel like I deserve him.”

Kim continued to watch her. “Tell me why.”

“I don’t know,” she said softly. “It’s like I said… logically that isn’t true. I know it isn’t true, and yet every time I remember Stefano forcing his way into my body, every time I remember the feeling of his hands on my skin, or his sour breath against my face… I’m overwhelmed with feelings of disgust, and self hatred.”

“Are you being kind to yourself during those times, Marlena?” Kim needed her to face her emotions, and it was obvious that even as Marlena made progress it was slow, because she was holding herself back.

Marlena turned quickly, facing her with angry hazel eyes. “What do you mean by that?”

“Are you being kind to yourself?” Kim stood up, and approached her slowly. “If you were in that moment again, standing outside of it… would you be disgusted by the woman on the bed? The woman who was being raped? Would you hate her?”

A sob caught in her chest, causing her to start feeling a throbbing pressure in her head. Marlena’s hand covered her mouth as if she would be able to push the emotions back inside herself. She imagined herself struggling underneath Stefano, silent tears streaming down her face as she was violated repeatedly. Staring at Kim helplessly, she gasped, “Why are you doing this?”

Kim’s voice became more forceful, “What would you say to her in the aftermath of Stefano’s repeated assaults, Marlena?”

Taking in a choked breath, Marlena cried, “Oh, G-d! I can’t do this!”

“You have to do this!” Kim told her, taking her face in her hands. “You have to do this to heal. What would you tell her?”

Her tears started to fall as her heart broke wide, and she couldn’t contain her weeping. She couldn’t hold it back. Dr. Vellanki had asked her once if she’d cried over what she lost. She wanted to know if Marlena had mourned what Stefano had forcefully taken from her. She hadn’t fully understood what was being asked of her until that moment.

“Tell me,” Kim demanded. “What would you do to take care of her? Tell me please.”
“It’s–it’s not your fault,” she sobbed. “It’s not your fault, and you didn’t ask for it. You didn’t ask for it!” Suddenly overcome, she fell to her knees crying, “I didn’t ask for it! I didn’t want it.”

Kim slid to the floor in front of her, “That woman is not disgusting, and she does not deserve your hate. She was a victim. You are a victim.”

Marlena continued to cry, loud, strangling cries of anguish that broke Kim’s heart . But they were necessary. Marlena would never heal until she stopped blaming herself. Whispering softly in her ear, Kim said, “What happened between you and John a week ago… there is nothing wrong with that, Marlena. It was the purest expression of love. Perhaps it was too soon, but you need to give yourself grace, and you need to know that John will wait for you. He loves you. Everytime you catch yourself being unkind to the woman you were, you have to stop it immediately. You have to remember who you are, and you have to empathize with her, but please… please don’t blame her for being a victim. Don’t hate her for what was done to her, because that woman… Marlena, that woman needs as much love as you can give her.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John could hear the television playing the theme song to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and he was grateful that Andrew and Jeannie had worn Avi out down on the beach. Cracking Marlena’s bedroom door, he checked to make sure that she was still asleep. She’d been asleep since he’d come back to the house. Slowly closing it, he turned to walk towards the kitchen. 

Kim glanced up when she heard his footsteps enter the room. John stared at her warily, and asked her, “Can you tell me what happened?”

“You know I can’t, but I have a feeling Marlena will start to share her sessions with you soon enough.” She finished her coffee, and stood up, walking the mug towards the sink.

“Shane told me that Stefano survived,” John said softly, checking to make sure that Avi wasn’t listening. “The bastard should have fucking died.”

Watching him for a moment, Kim saw a look of determination in John’s eyes. “You’re planning to do something about that?”

“Now, see… that’s something I can’t tell you,” John said carefully. He went to the cabinet, taking down a mug, and poured himself a cup of coffee, saying nothing further about what she’d ask.

Kim decided to let it drop. She didn’t want or need to know what John’s plans were in regards to Stefano DiMera. The less she knew, the better. Changing the subject, she told him, “I’ll be coming with you when you return to Salem.”

The sense of relief that he felt almost overwhelmed him. John sat down across from her heavily, “I don’t think you know how fucking relieved I am to hear you say that.”

Kim smiled at him in that wide expansive way she had, and she realized he would always be her brother, even if he wasn’t. “That’s what sisters are for.”

“Sister…” he smiled back at her. “It feels so good to hear you say that.”

“Nothing changed for me when Roman came home, and I think I could have done a better job making sure that you knew that. The family… we were so worried that Roman would cut us off from Sami and Eric that we didn’t take into consideration the way it would affect you.”

“I wouldn’t change anything,” John said quickly. “Sami and Eric… Carrie, they needed you in their lives. They needed the consistency that came with family, and hell, we both know that Roman has royally fucked everything up since his return.” John took a long sip of his coffee, before saying, “You know though, I was meeting Carrie at the diner at least once a week, and sometimes when Roman was on stakeouts I was sneaking over to the house.”

Kim laughed. “I know. Once Sami said to me, ‘I gots a secret’ and told me everything.”

John couldn’t help it. His head fell back a loud burst of laughter. “She never could keep a secret.” 

“I’m pretty sure she’s told every family member about your visits except Roman at this point,” Kim said. She reached for John’s hand, and said, “We’re going to help her heal. You, me Hope… and even Bo. We’re going to figure this out, because we’re family, and that’s what needs to be done.”

“Is coming back to Salem going to be hard for you?”

“The truth?” she asked.

“Always, Kimmy.”

“I just needed an excuse to come home,” she said softly.

Chapter 16

Marlena chased Stefano’s deep laughter through the foggy night. Everything around her was cast in silver, and she could hear Hope’s screams, and Avi’s weeping. It echoed in her ears, and it reverberated through her body. With her arms out in front of her, she searched in the darkness, following the sounds. She had to find them. Thorns and brambles scratched her skin, and her hot tears slid across her cheeks, and down her neck. Suddenly Stefano was in front of her. His dark eyes shone with glee, as he said in his deep voice, “You will never find them, Lena. Did you think you would?”

“Please!” she gasped desperately. Her small hands gripped the arm of his satin smoking jacket in desperation, and she nearly fell to her knees as she stared up at him with wide, frightened, amber eyes. Her heart was breaking into millions of tiny shards as sharp as glass. “Please! Bring them back to me. My son… and Hope, I need them. I won’t survive without them!”

“You should have considered that before you defied me. You called for help. You have brought this upon yourself.” Stefano shook her arm off as if he were embarrassed by her begging. “The ISA and Roman will never outsmart me, and that is your folly, Lena. You trust blindly. You believed that Roman would come for you, but you are dead! You are dead to him, and you belong to me! You will never see Hope or your precious Avi again.” He gave her a feral smile, and then he said, “Or perhaps you will. Perhaps I shall wipe Hope’s memory completely, and then give her back to you. It might be interesting to turn Avi into one of my mercenaries… after all, his father was such a good soldier.”

Her legs collapsed. She felt the sharp stones cut the skin as she landed in the dirt below. Her arms scrambled to hold onto Stefano, but he kicked her away, as she cried, “No! Oh, G-d, Stefano! Please! NO!”

“Defy me again, and I will kill them,” he spat in disgust. 

And then he was gone, and Marlena crumbled into a heap as Hope’s cries of “Marlena!” filled her mind, and Avi’s high pitched screams of “Mama!” tore at her heart.

A long scream tore from her chest into the dark and silent bedroom. Marlena’s body arched up off of the mattress, and then her eyes opened wide as she was jolted from her sleep violently. Her nightmare was still fresh in her mind. Her skin still strung from the scratches she received from the brambles. Her knees ached. She was stuck between the dreamworld and reality. Clapping her palm over her mouth, she bit her skin near her thumb, and then closed her eyes tightly trying to erase the images that continued to assault her – Stefano shaking her off, and the disgust on his face as he shook her off… the evil in his eyes. She opened her eyes, and looked around the darkened room recognizing nothing. She closed them again in confusion. Breathe. Breathe. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t. She was still fighting off a panic attack when she saw her bedroom door open slowly, and immediately she thought it was Stefano in the dark. Another loud, piercing scream escaped her. He was back, and she would never be rid of him. She shook, and tears flowed from her eyes. She was stuck somewhere between the past and the present, as she rocked her body back and forth. “No.No, no, no, no, no….” she sobbed. “No, no, no… oh, G-d….”

Kim rushed forward. She recognized immediately that Marlena was having a PTSD episode. Speaking softly, she whispered, “Marlena, you’re safe. You and Avi are in Seabrook, Washington, and you’re safe.”

Dragging gasping breaths into her lungs, Marlena sobbed, “He took Avi…he took Hope! He took them! Where are they?” Marlena started looking around with eyes unseeing. “Oh, G-d! Where are they? Hope? Hope! Avi!” Her body continued to rock, and her arms wrapped tightly around her body as her knees pulled up underneath her chin. 

“Avi is safe,” Kim said softly, but firmly, kneeling beside her bed. She didn’t reach out to comfort her. Knowing her touch wouldn’t be welcome at that moment. “He’s here, in this house with us. Hope is safe. She’s in Salem with Bo.” Kim reached for the flannel shirt beside Marlena, the one she knew belonged to John. Putting it near Marlena’s cheek, she said, “Take a deep breath… what do you smell? Take another one… another. Yes, just like that. Slow them down. Concentrate.” The brain’s anatomy and the olfactory system were closely linked to memory, and she hoped that having Marlena inhale John’s scent would bring her back to the present. Kim continued to watch her, and then turned towards the door to see Avi push past his father’s hip. Having him there was less than ideal. 

John leaned down, and picked Avi up easily. “Your Aunt Kim is making sure your Mama is safe,” John whispered softly, watching Marlena’s eyes move rapidly about the room as if she were somewhere else in her mind.

“Hope used to keep Mama safe.” Avi spoke so quietly that John barely heard him. John ached for him. His son had seen too much horror in his short life. How many nights had Avi lain awake in San Cristobal listening to his mother’s soft sobs, or Hope’s whispered words of reassurance? It broke his heart. He wrapped his arms more tightly around the boy, and kissed him softly. His palm ran over Avi’s face, and then he heard Avi say in his gentle voice, “I miss Hope.”

It was the second time in less than a week that he’d heard that. Marlena and Avi seemed to need Hope as much as Hope needed them. He’d spoken with Bo several times over the last couple of weeks. Hope was becoming depressed again. Being separated from Bo and Shawn D had done that to her once, but now it was her separation from Marlena and Avi. Bo was going to have to eventually accept that because of Stefano DiMera, they were all now interconnected. “We’re going to go home to Salem soon.”

Lifting his head, Avi looked at his Papá, his eyes almost pleading, “To Hope?”

“Yes… to Hope.” John felt Avi’s soft sigh against his neck, and relief washed over him. His son’s head rested on his shoulder, and his small hand reached up, wrapping around John’s neck. The whole time John watched from the doorways as Kim worked with Marlena, slowly getting closer to her.

“Open your eyes, Marlena.” Kim’s voice broke through her fear, calm and familiar.

Absently, Marlena reached out and felt Kim’s hand take hers, a soft whimper escaping her as she opened her eyes. “I’m scared.” She was safe, but still her heart raced. Staring at John, she felt protected when she saw Avi in his arms. Their son. John would never allow someone to hurt their son, and now that they were with him, the dreams couldn’t touch her. Not really.

John’s wide shoulders were highlighted by the soft shaft of light coming in from the hallway. Lifting her hand towards him, she whispered, “John.”

Avi’s head came up quickly, as he wiped the sleepiness from his eyes. “Mama?” He squirmed to get out of John’s arms, and as soon as his small feet hit the polished wood floor, he ran to her, climbing onto the bed.

Marlena reached for him, inhaling the scent of tearless shampoo and ivory soap with a shaky intake of breath. They were safe. “Oh, darling!”

“I was scared,” he whispered. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Even as she tried to reassure Avi, John could hear the wobble in her voice. Their eyes met, and he watched her smooth her hands over their son’s face, and his hair, and over his back. She’d started crying again, and John could see the guilt she was harboring. Stepping into the room, he came closer, and sat on the end of the bed. 

Wanting to reassure Marlena, John said softly, “Avi is fine, Doc. He’s fine.” 

The room was quiet for a moment, and then Avi yawned widely, and rubbed at his eyes. Standing up slowly, Kim stretched her back, and then said, “I think it’s time to get this ninja back to bed.”

Avi giggled, swaying sleepily where he leaned against Marlena, “You called me a ninja.”

“I did. Are you ready to get back to bed?” Kim asked him with a wide smile. Getting him back to bed, and giving Marlena some time alone with John was key.

“Yes!” He stood up on the bed, and allowed his Mama to hold him steady as he reached for Kim. Looking down, he said in a tired voice, “I love you, mama.”

Marlena patted his butt, and then said, “I love you too, my little cariño. Good night.”

The room was silent once Kim and Avi left. John stood up awkwardly, glancing at the clock. It was only a few minutes past eleven o’clock, but Marlena had been sleeping since late afternoon. He went to the window, and looked out over the forest behind the house. Turning around he leaned back against the windowsill, and he asked her, “Are you still tired, or would you like to come out, and I can fix you a late dinner?”

Marlena stared up at him, and then reached for his hand. “Come lay with me. I’m so tired, but I… I’m scared to be alone. I’m scared the dreams will come back…” Her voice caught in her throat, and she said, “I’m scared…”

“Let me go change–”

“–you don’t have to,” she said quickly. “Please? Just–just take your jeans off, and–and…” She couldn’t explain what she was feeling. She didn’t have the energy to follow him, and she didn’t trust that he would come back. She needed him to stay there with her. 

Standing up from where he was, he reached for the button on his jeans, and pushed them over his hips. He kicked them off, and then removed his socks. Marlena’s eyes watched him with interest as his fingers fumbled with the buttons on his flannel shirt. Taking it off, he handed it to her, “I think this is for you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered softly, taking the warm cotton from him. She lifted it to her face, and rubbed her cheek on it. “I’m sorry.”

John approached the bed, “Don’t ever apologize to me about something like this, Doc. Scootch over, baby.”

Marlena slid to the other side of the large mattress, and she wanted to sigh when the cool cotton sheets rubbed against her skin. John lifted the blankets, and then slid in beside her, leaving distance between them. “Are you sure you want me in here?”

She laid back against the pillow, rolling to face him, and she stared at him with eyes he couldn’t quite read. “I’m sure.”

John turned, so that he was facing her. “I was talking to Kim this afternoon, and I think we can go home to Salem… whenever you’re ready.”

Marlena spoke quietly in the dim room, “Kim said she would come?”

“I think Kim was looking for a way to go back, but because she’s more stubborn than Shawn Brady himself, helping you has given her a reason.”

Marlena chuckled lightly, “You mean an excuse?”

John smirked, “That’s a fact, but I think she’s the perfect choice for you, Doc. I was watching her from the doorway. She pulled you back from a dark place. She knows what she’s doing, although she doubts her abilities.”

“Sometimes people who have gone through similar traumas are the best equipped in these types of situations. Kim became a therapist because of what she went through as a young girl with her Uncle Eric, and then she…”

“I remember when I was Roman… when I was so new to everything, and I found out about what Uncle Eric had done, and the life she’d led because of it. I wasn’t angry the way Bo was, I was heartbroken. Heartbroken because she’d been in pain for so long, and none of us had known.” He was quiet for a moment, as he thought about Bo. “You know, this connection between you, Hope, and Avi… Bo may not understand it just yet, but he will, and when he does he’ll be supportive. That’s who Bo is. He fusses, and he acts foolish, but ultimately Bo loves with his whole heart.”

“I know,” Marlena whispered. “I just don’t know what life holds for us – for any of us.”

“What would you like it to be?” Whatever vision she had, he would work to make it happen. He loved her that much. 

She was silent, almost afraid to tell him how she would picture a perfect life with him. John reached out, and feathered his fingers alongside her cheek. “Tell me.”

“A house with lots of bedrooms. A house like this, where you and I can live with the children, but I… I want Bo and Hope and Shawn D too. All of us together, a family. I want my best friend with me. I want to be able to have breakfast with her, and raise our children together, and I want you… I want you with me.” John was silent as she watched him, and she started to get apprehensive. “But if you don’t want–”

“Oh, no… Doc, I was picturing it. I was imagining what a house like that would be like,” he said softly. “You know many cultures throughout the world live like that. Extended families all living together in one large house.” He thought about how it was in the house before Bo took Hope and Shawn D back to Salem. It had been full of laughter, love, and friendship. He and Bo had grown closer, sometimes talking out on the deck well into the night, sharing their joint concerns about the women they loved. What Marlena was proposing wasn’t outside the realm of possibility.

Her eyes shifted, as she whispered, “I know it probably won’t happen, but–”

“I wouldn’t be adverse to it,” he said softly. “I wouldn’t even mind it. A big house, like this one, with all of us, huh? You, me, Avi, Sami, Eric… maybe Carrie too, with Hope, Bo, and Shawn D…no, baby, I don’t think that’s a bad idea at all.”

Marlena’s eyes started to drift closed, and she reached under the blankets for his hand, twining her fingers through his. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said, feeling the weight of sleep in his own eyes. “I will always love you.”

Chapter 17

John opened the door to the loft, letting Marlena and Avi enter before him. “You have a door that slides?” Avi asked him in awe, looking around with wide eyes.

Laughing softly, John reached out, ruffling the boy’s hair, “Yeah, I do, little man.”

Avi smiled widely, “I like that.”

“I didn’t know you lived here,” Marlena said with a small smile. The loft was so familiar to her it almost felt like home. “Bo and Hope lived here for a while. Even Kayla, I believe.”

“They did,” he said softly. “Um, I can take you upstairs. There’s two bedrooms, and, if you want you can share the guest room with—”

“—no. Avi can have his own room,” she said looking up at him, and touching his arm lightly. John had slept in her bed with her for the last week and a half upon her request. She didn’t want to stop now. With him beside her the dreams were less frequent, and when they did come she would wake to the feeling of his fingers brushing up and down the length of her arm, and his soft whispered words. It was almost the exact same thing that Hope used to do, although she hadn’t told him that. “I want to start sleeping with you… in your bed.” John stared at her, and she immediately thought he might get the wrong idea, so she quickly said, “Well…I mean…:

He leaned close to her, whispering, “I know what you mean, Doc.”

Avi spun around to stare back and forth between them, before asking excitedly, “I’m going to sleep by myself? In my own room? Shawn D said that’s what big boys do. Big boys get their own room. Am I a big boy now?”

“I guess you are,” John said, scooping him off the floor. Dangling him upside down, as Avi shrieked with joy, John told Marlena, “Come on, Doc, Avi and I are going to show you around.”

“We are? I don’t know my way around,” the boy said. His head was bobbing from side to side, “Everything looks weird upside down!”

“Shhh, I’ll help you. Just pretend you know what I’m talking about,” John whispered conspiratorially. When they reached the landing, he flipped Avi right, and set him on his feet, laughing as Avi swayed slightly trying to get his balance.

Marlena couldn’t help but smile at the bond that had formed between John and Avi over the last three months. Their little family had taken the time they needed to grow together and heal. Avi idolized his father, and it made her so happy. Even after she had spoken to John on the phone that fateful night, she had gone to sleep with a mixture of tentative hope and trepidation. After six years with Stefano she couldn’t be sure if the man she hoped would save them would love her after he knew what she’d been through. After three months of therapy, she could admit that Stefano had gotten in her mind, and sometimes still she could hear his unkind words, leading her to doubt herself… to doubting others. Watching John with Avi took away all of that doubt. 

She trailed her fingers along the exposed brick wall, thinking that John used to live here with his wife. Isabella had lived here. They’d only been married for eight months, but Marlena could see feminine touches in every corner of the place. Framed posters from Italy on the wall, antique vases filled with dried flowers, and tiny perfumed soaps in the bathrooms. Isabella was everywhere, and Marlena wondered how that affected John. Isabella had died just before he learned about her existence. Had he even had time to mourn?

She was lost in her own world until she heard a small gasp from her son. Avi stood in the doorway to his room, and he started crying. He was so overwhelmed with it. While they were in Washington, John had asked Hope and Shawn D to decorate the space, and they didn’t disappoint. Even he was surprised with what she’d done to it. Previously it had been decorated as a nursery, for the baby Isabella had hoped to have. Hope had changed it into a room any five year old boy would love. Avi walked over to the blue dresser, which had red handles, and touched it gently. He examined the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles design on the comforter that covered the bed, and he looked at the figurines that lined the desk, and the windowsill. He looked up at his Papá, “This is for me?”

“It is,” John replied, kneeling down. He pulled Avi into his arms. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s the best big boy room ever!” Avi cried, hopping onto the edge of the bed with a wide smile.

Standing up, John looked at Marlena, and whispered with a wink, “I was hoping you’d want to stay with me. This room really isn’t meant for the two of you.”

Marlena pushed his shoulder playfully, “Mighty presumptuous of you, John Black.”

He glanced at his watch, realizing that it was nearly dinner time. “Why don’t we order dinner and then I’ll bring the bags upstairs? Avi is going to be tired and I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be—”

“—insane, because once Roman finds out I’m here… he won’t stay away.” She already knew that. He’d been bothering everyone to try and get information, and he may not know she was in Salem yet, but he would soon enough. “I want to see the children…and as soon as I try, he’ll know I’m here. If what you and Bo have said is true… I’m afraid he might try, and keep me away from them, because I’m with you,” she said in low tones, so that Avi couldn’t hear her.

“We’ll figure it out, Doc. I promise, but not tonight. If we have to, and I hope we don’t… but if we have to, we’ll get a lawyer. You’re not losing the kids. I won’t let that happen,” he said softly.

“They don’t even know me,” she said softly.

“I thought Avi didn’t know me, but you taught him to love me.” John reached for Marlena’s hand. “I never let you die, Doc. I kept your memory alive in every way that I could. Your photos were all over the house, I would tell the twins stories about us as they fell asleep. I allowed Sami to touch your pretty dresses, and smell your perfume. They know you. I promise.”

A knock sounded on the loft door, and John turned towards the hallway. 

“Someone’s knocking on the door!” Avi said, jumping off the bed. He started to run towards the door, and John snatched him up with a laugh. “Hold on there, little man.”

Turning back to Marlena apprehensively, he asked her, “Do you want to wait up here? I’d like to make sure it isn’t Roman.”

“Yes.” She glanced at Avi, trying to school her face into some semblance of calm, as she said, “If it’s Roman… I’m not ready for that. He—” Realizing that Avi was preoccupied with the turtle figurine, she whispered, “After what he did to Avi, I can’t see him right now, John. I’ve got to mentally prepare myself for that.”

John sighed with relief. “Okay. You and Avi… wait here. I’ll get rid of whoever it is.”

He ran down the hall, and took the stairs two at a time, before pulling up in front of the loft door. When he opened it, he was surprised to find Carrie standing there. She was bundled up in a coat, with a brightly colored teal scarf wound around her neck. Her cheeks were pink with cold, but she was smiling from ear to ear. She threw herself at him, practically yelling, “Daddy! I missed you so much!”

“Hey, Punkin’,” he said happily. She felt so good in his arms, and he’d missed her so much. “G-d, I missed you too.” Pulling back slightly, he cocked his eyebrow, “How did you know we were home?”

Carrie smirked, and then looked a little embarrassed, “I saw Hope earlier, and she mentioned you were coming home tonight, and I didn’t want to force myself on you, but I couldn’t stay away either. You know I get excited.” She looked around him, “Is Mom here?”

“She is. She’s upstairs with Avi,” John said, reaching for her hand. “Come in. She’s going to want to see you.”

Carrie stood there, suddenly unsure of herself, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, Punkin’. She’s going to want to see you.” He started towards the stairs, but then turned, and said, “Get the coat and scarf off, and come on.”

Carrie was so excited she almost hopped like a child, “Okay!”

“Come on, Punkin’,” he said, taking her hand, and leading her up the stairs.

Carrie could hear Avi’s little voice as they reached the end of the hallway, and her stomach started feeling fluttery with excitement. He sounded just like he did on the telephone. “And Papi said that Shredder won’t ever get us again, cause he’s going to potect us…pretet us…”

Marlena replied with a laugh, “Protect, and yes, your Papi doesn’t make promises unless it’s a sure thing.”

It was the sound of Marlena’s voice that caused Carrie to start crying. Although she had spoken to Avi on the odd occasion, John had usually made their phone calls when Marlena was in the shower. His explanation being that he wanted Marlena to focus on healing, and she wasn’t ready for anything else. Carrie could understand that. Even though she’d spoken with John, and even Bo and Hope, no one had told her what Marlena had gone through specifically, but Carrie knew that a three month seclusion meant that, whatever it was, it was bad. She respected that. But hearing Marlena’s voice for the first time in six years, was almost too much.

“Hey,” he whispered, wiping Carrie’s tears from her face gently. “It’s okay, Punkin’. It’s okay.”

“I’m so happy,” she said softly. “I didn’t realize I’d be so overwhelmed.”

“It takes some getting used to.” He smiled at her, leaning forward to kiss her softly on her forehead. “Wait here for a second. As surprised as you are, I’m going to have to prepare Doc.” He turned, knocking softly on Avi’s door. “Doc, it’s me. Open the door.” The door opened, and he stepped inside with a smile, “Hey, Doc. Someone’s here to see you.”

She looked up warily, “Who?” 

Reaching into the hallway, he pulled Carrie into the doorway, and Marlena shouted, “Carrie!” She nearly flew at the girl, grabbing her, and holding her tightly. “Oh, Carrie! Let me look at you! Oh, my girl! How you’ve grown!”

Avi watched the scene play out in rapt fascination. His Mama was so happy, and that made him happy. He tilted his head, staring at the girl with long blonde hair, asking, “You’re the phone Carrie?”

She wanted to laugh. The phone Carrie. Smiling widely, Carrie kneeled down in front of him. The black hair, and those deep blue eyes that seemed almost purple at times – he was definitely John’s son. “Yeah, I’m the phone Carrie, and you, you look just like your Daddy.”

Avi smiled proudly, puffing out his chest, “That’s what Mama says, too! She says I look just like Papá!”

Carrie kissed him on the cheek, and touched his cheek softly, “It’s nice to meet you in person. I’m your big sister.” Avi beamed at her, watching her stand up, and hug Marlena again. Carrie took a deep breath, reminding herself of Marlena’s scent. “I’m so glad you’re here,” Carrie whispered. “I’m so glad you’re alive, and you’re okay.”

John’s voice came from the doorway, where he relaxed against the frame. “I was going to order some Chinese food. Do you want to stay for dinner?”

Carrie glanced at her watch, “I can’t. I have to pick up the twins from the pub. Grandma and Grandpa have had them all day, because it was a teacher workday, no students. Roman’s working again. So I have to go.”

John watched her sadly. It was obvious that she wanted to stay, and it was just another example of Roman’s parentification of his daughter. She loved Eric and Sami, but they shouldn’t be her responsibility. “I’m sorry, Punkin’. You know my opinion on the matter.”

She sighed, “That’s everyone’s opinion, except his apparently. But I have to go.” As she descended the steps, the whole family trailed behind her.

“Has Roman told the twins about me?” Marlena asked softly, curious if he had mentioned her since he knew she was alive.

“He hasn’t mentioned it to them at all. He told me he would, but he hasn’t. I was planning to tell them tonight. You’re home now, and he hasn’t done it. Obviously, me telling them… it’s not ideal,” Carrie said. “I’m eighteen. He’s the adult. This should be coming from him, but I don’t want them to be blindsided. They’ve been through too much already.”

“Why don’t you have Shawn and Caroline help you tell them?” Marlena suggested. She paused, and said softly, “I really wish John and I could tell them. It would be so much better if John was able to do that, especially if they trust him.”

John was quiet for a moment, running through the legal ramifications of what might happen if he had Carrie bring the twins to the loft. Roman would be angry, but the restraining order was for keeping John away from the house on Sycamore. It was not for keeping him away from the twins. “Pick them up, and bring them here, Carrie.”

Carrie and Marlena looked at him with surprise, and Carrie said, “He’s going to be angry.”

“I don’t care if he’s angry. He should have done this already, and honestly, it’s better this way. There’s no court order forbidding me from seeing them, and Marlena is their mother. Pick them up, and bring them here,” he said. As if the conversation was over, he said, “I’m ordering Chinese food.”

Chapter 18

Carrie arrived back at the loft with Sami and Eric less than forty minutes later. She was nervous. Not because they were there without Roman knowing, but because Sami and Eric were going to meet their mother. The mother they hadn’t seen since they were two years old. They had no conscious memories of her. Their knowledge of Marlena came from stories told to them by John and herself. 

Carrie was lost in thought when the loft door opened, and Sami screamed as soon as she saw John. Leaping forward, she cried loudly, “Daddy! You live here? Carrie said it was a surprise, and it’s you! You’re the surprise!”

John lifted Sami in his arms, kissing her on the cheek. He then reached for Eric, saying, “Well, surprise, Peanut! It’s me!”

“Daddy, you have a door that slides,” Eric said in awe as he stared at the loft door.

“Someone mentioned that to me earlier,” he replied with a laugh, thinking about Avi’s nearly identical comment. He carried them in, adjusting them both in his arms. “I had Carrie bring you over because I wanted to talk to the two of you about some things.”

“Are you gonna get in trouble ‘cause we came here?” Sami asked quietly. “ ‘Cause I don’t want you to get in trouble, Daddy.”

“I don’t think so, Sami,” John replied, sitting down on the couch with both of them. He settled Sami on his lap, and Eric cuddled up beside him with his small arms wrapped around his bicep. “I wanted to talk to you about that surprise I promised.”

Eric rubbed his face on the cotton of John’s sleeve, whispering, “I missed you, Daddy.”

“I missed you too, Slugger. So much, and I’m sorry it took me so long to get back.”

“But you brought a surprise?” Sami asked him.

“I wanted to show you a picture,” John told them. He’d taken the framed photo he kept of him and Marlena on their wedding day out of his closet earlier. It had been a mainstay on the mantle at the house on Sycamore for the years he’d lived there. Since then, he’d kept it in a lock box in the closet of his bedroom. He hadn’t been able to get rid of it, even knowing that he wasn’t Roman. His marriage to Marlena would always be valid in his heart, even if it wasn’t on paper. But when he’d moved on with Isabella, he’d put it away. It was part of his past, and now that he’d found Marlena, he was determined that she would be part of his future. “Carrie, can you hand me the photograph on the counter?” 

She lifted it with a small smile on her face, and walked it over to where her Dad sat. She sat on the coffee table in front of them and waited. She was so relieved to have the responsibility of telling the twins about Marlena lifted from her shoulders. She felt ill equipped for more than half of the things Roman expected from her.

John held the photo up, so that Eric and Sami could look at it. “Do you two remember this picture?”

“It’s you and Mommy,” Sami said with a smile. “When you got married, and she looked like a princess. She was happy because she loved you.”

John couldn’t help smiling. Marlena was beautiful that day. She was beautiful every day, but on the day they married there was a glow to her, a shine in her eyes that told the world about her joy. “She was happy. We were both incredibly happy on that day. Do you remember her at all?”

“I remember a little bit,” Eric said quietly. His memories were fuzzy, and sometimes blurry in his mind, but he could remember her voice. “She used to read us books at bedtime, and she smelled like… flowers.”

“I remember, she hugged me a lot,” Sami told them. “And she laughed all the time, but she died.”

John smiled down at Sami, kissing her head, and then he brushed the hair back from Eric’s forehead, before he said, “I wanted to talk to you about that. You know, Hope came home… even after we believed that she’d passed away.”

“Yeah, cause Uncle Bo thought she was dead, but a bad man named Stefano had her,” Eric said. His Dad’s eyes looked at him with surprise, and he felt himself start to blush. Looking sheepish he said, “I wasn’t supposed to be listening…”

Sami was the one who laughed, “We was sneaking. We were spies like Uncle Shane.”

Carrie started to say, “How do you know Uncle Shane–” but she stopped, when John gave her a slow head shake. 

John smiled at them, “You know, when Bo and I found your Aunt Hope, we found someone else too. We found two other people.”

Sami glanced at the photo, and then pointed at it. John could see her young mind at work, and then she asked him softly, almost a whisper, “You found our Mommy? This Mommy?”

John felt the tears in his eyes, then he smiled at her. “We did find your Mommy.”

“Where is she?” Eric demanded. He scrambled down from the couch, looking around with a mixture of anticipation, and a fear his young mind couldn’t understand. “If you found her… is she here?”

John leaned forward, reaching for Eric’s hand in reassurance. “She is, but I wanted to talk to you first. I don’t want you to be scared. This can be a very scary thing for you. It was for Shawn D, and I just want to make sure that I answer all of your questions.”

“Where was she?” Eric asked quietly. “Did she leave us?”

“The bad man that took Hope… did he take Mommy too?” Sami wondered, staring up at her Daddy. She saw the sadness in John’s eyes, and she whispered crying softly, “He took our Mommy too?”

John wiped the tears from Sami’s round cheeks. “That man won’t hurt any of us anymore,” John promised. “I will make sure of that. I just want to make sure that you aren’t scared… if I have her come down and meet you.”

“I wouldn’t be scared of my Mommy,” Sami said. She climbed down from John’s lap slowly. The mommy she remembered was soft, and kind. She smelled like the sweetest perfume, and her laughter sounded like bells. “I’m not scared, ‘cause it’s my Mommy.”

“There’s someone else with her, Peanut.” he told her. “She had your little brother. You have a brother.”

“I have a brother?” Eric asked, jumping off the couch. He stared at his Daddy in surprise. “Carrie and Sami are girls, and I have a brother? This is amazing!”

John stood up, “I’m going to bring them down, and then I thought we could order Chinese food, and have dinner—”

Sami’s mood changed instantly, as she jumped up and down, yelling, “—you got us a Mommy and Chinese food?”

Laughing loudly, John said, “I sure did. Let me get them.”

Carrie was relieved. It couldn’t have gone any better. She watched Sami and Eric wiggle and squirm, until John came down the stairs, carrying Avi, with Marlena beside him. As excited as they were, the twins stared at Marlena and Avi for a moment, as if they weren’t sure what to do. All of their excitement seemed to have become awe. After several long moments, it was Eric who took the first tentative step. He reached up, and touched the ends of her blonde hair gingerly, “Mommy? I remember you… but now you have long hair.”

Marlena sank to her knees in front of Eric, with her eyes welling with tears. He had grown so much, and his resemblance to her was uncanny. He had her hazel eyes, and the same smattering of freckles across his nose. His hair was the same shade of blonde.  She wanted to pull him into her arms, and bury her face in his neck so that she could breathe him in, but she held back. She didn’t want to scare him. Softly, she replied, “I’m probably going to get a haircut soon.”

Sami stepped forward, also reaching for Marlena’s hair. It felt like silk between her fingers. She also bore a striking resemblance to her mother, but with blue eyes the color of the open sea. “I think it’s pretty,” Sami whispered, stepping closer. “It feels like mermaid hair.”

“I always wanted to be a mermaid,” Marlena told her. Her hair had been something that Stefano had used to control and dominate her. It was something that she’d spent the last six years despising, and within a moment, one brief moment, her children made her fall in love with it.

“I do too,” Sami responded shyly. “Like the Little Mermaid… Ariel has long wavy hair, and it floats in the water.”

Feeling the need to be part of the conversation, Avi said to no one in particular, “I want to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. So, then I can beat up Shredder.”

Eric turned to look up at the boy in his Daddy’s arms, like he was suddenly in love. “You like Ninja Turtles?” Avi smiled back at him, and nodded furiously, squirming to get free of John’s arms.

A knock on the loft door sounded, and everyone in the room seemed to tense. John was about to direct everyone upstairs when he heard Bo say, “John, it’s Bo and Hope–”

“–and Shawn D! I wanna see Avi!” Shawn D cried from the other side of the door.

Avi screamed loudly, running for the door, and pulled it open before anyone could stop him. “Shawn D!”

“Avi!” the other boy screamed.

Hope and Marlena seemed stuck in time. Both of them were frozen in place, until Hope choked out a sob, and ran around the boys. Marlena was on her feet in an instant, running into Hope’s arms with a loud cry. Carrie watched it all with a sense of confusion. Was she missing something? She knew that they had been in San Cristobal together, but she sensed that there was a lot of information she wasn’t yet privy to. 

Bo stood in the doorway watching the two women embrace, and then his eyes lifted to find John’s deep blue one staring back at him. A whole conversation took place in the breadth of a stare.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John stood on the roof, and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath of the cold air as it blew briskly across his face. Bo was beside him, absolutely silent. He’d been silent for the majority of the evening. Not a brooding sort of silence, but rather a reflective sort of silence. Marlena and Hope had barely left each other’s side all evening – they held hands, they whispered to each other occasionally, they sat near each other – and John couldn’t get a read on how Bo felt about that.

“Are you sure you don’t mind if Shawn D sleeps over?” John asked softly. 

Bo chuckled lightly, “He and Avi are already curled up together asleep. It wouldn’t make sense to wake him up.”

“What’s going through that scruffy head of yours, little brother?” John asked with a smirk. “You’ve been quiet for hours.”

“Little brother?” Bo asked with a smirk.

“Look, Bo… no matter what, I will always consider you family… you will always be my little brother,” John told him. “The last year doesn’t change that.”

“You’re more of a brother to me than Roman ever was,” Bo said quietly. “And I feel like I should have told you that. I didn’t understand it when Marlena first said you were Roman. You certainly didn’t act like Roman, but then I figured with amnesia, maybe personality traits could change… and I liked the new version of Roman so much that I embraced you.”

“And now?” John asked him softly.

Bo turned to look out over the city lights, “And now… I’m confused, John. I’m confused about what Hope wants, and how that fits with what I want.”

“Hope wants you, Bo. That hasn’t changed. I don’t think it ever will, but you and I will never be able to know what they went through. Even if they told us every detail… we weren’t there.” John turned to face Bo, leaning his hip on the brick terrace wall, “Did you see them tonight? Tell me you saw how happy they were.”

“I did. I guess I thought that Shawn D and I would be enough for her,” Bo replied.

“Love is infinite,” John said softly. “And it grows exponentially.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Bo asked. 

John was quiet for a moment, before he said, “I love Marlena, and I love Avi… they love Hope, and so, yeah, I’m okay with that.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It is easy,” John told him. “Marlena has been struggling the last few weeks. It happened almost as soon and you, Hope, and Shawn D left, although she denied it at first. Tonight, I saw light in her again. I don’t mind that it was Hope who brought it back.”

Bo rubbed his hands over his face, and turned to lean on the wall, “I did too. I saw it…” He didn’t say anything for a long time, and then he told John, “Hope’s pregnant. We just found out yesterday.

“Is she excited?”

“She is… especially now that Marlena is back. She said she couldn’t do it without her, but she’s scared too. I can see that. Hope’s been having nightmares about Stefano raping Marlena… she’s having nightmares about Marlena’s abortions… maybe now that you’re home her mind will settle, knowing that Marlena is near.”

“Maybe it will, and maybe it won’t. You know the Fancy Face isn’t going to be big enough for the four of you. I imagine it’s barely big enough for you, Hope, and Shawn D as it is.” John watched Bo, but he didn’t respond. Carefully, John told him, “I was thinking, for our women, and for our children… I might have a solution.”

Bo looked up at John, “A solution?”

“I bought this building a week ago. I own the whole damn thing. And the second loft on my level is vacant. I want to do some renovations, and turn it into one large penthouse…” John waited a beat, and then he said, “For us. All of us.”

Bo stared at him incredulously. “All of us? John, you do realize how many people that’s going to be don’t you?”

“I do, but I’ve got the plans in my head, and all I have to do is meet with an architect. Think about it, Bo, we’d have the whole top two levels to work with… and then Marlena and Hope… and Avi… they wouldn’t have to be separated.” John watched Bo carefully, praying that he wouldn’t shut him down immediately. “Hope, Marlena, and Avi have been a family for three years. Why should we take that away from them?”

“Do you know how that might look–”

John stood up in frustration, “Who the fuck cares how it looks, Bo! I don’t! You shouldn’t. What would be best for Marlena and Hope? What would be best for Avi, Shawn D, Eric, and Sami? I don’t fucking care about anyone else’s opinion!”

Fifteen minutes later, they left the roof, and entered the loft to find Marlena and Hope asleep on the couch. Hope’s face was buried in Marlena’s long blonde hair, and their hands were laced together in front of their bodies. John looked over to find Bo staring at his wife as if he were seeing her for the first time. 

Glancing over at John, Bo finally understood what he’d been trying to get him to see. Separating them was unnecessary, especially when there was a way to save them that pain. Looking at them together, Bo saw peace on Hope’s face. It was a peacefulness he hadn’t seen in weeks. He whispered, “I’ll speak with Hope tomorrow. Can we use the guest room for tonight?”

With a smile, John replied, “Yeah. Yeah… you know where it is.”

Leaning down, Bo brushed his fingers across his wife’s soft cheek, whispering, “Hey, Fancy Face. Let’s get you up to bed.”

“Bed?” she asked, as her eyes fluttered open. She glanced around, and then felt Marlena’s soft breath on her face. “We’re going home?”

“No,” Bo said softly. “We’ll stay here tonight.”

Hope turned to Marlena, whispering, “Mar… Mar, wake up.”

“Hmmm?” she moaned softly.

Hope chuckled lightly, “You always were a pain in the ass to wake up, Mar.”

Bo pushed down the jealousy he was feeling, and tried to understand the connection that Marlena and Hope had. Marlena reached up, touching Hope’s face gently, and whispered jokingly, “Get out of my way then. I’m tired.”

Hope sat up, and stared into her husband’s eyes, reaching her hand out to him. He took it with a smile. Hope leaned forward, saying softly, “Take me to bed, Brady.”

John could still hear Bo and Hope’s feet ascending the metal staircase when he sat on the edge of the couch, “Are you sure you want to sleep in my bed… because I just gave the guest room to Bo and Hope.”

“They’re staying?” Marlena asked him, surprised that Bo agreed.

“For tonight,” he said softly. He hadn’t mentioned that he’d purchased the building, or his upcoming meeting with an architect. They could discuss it upstairs. He stood up, reaching for her hand, “Come on, Doc. It’s time for bed.”

Chapter 19

The following morning, Marlena lay in bed facing John. They’d been discussing how well the twins had taken her return, and Carrie’s obvious relief at having John be the one to tell them. Marlena stared at him for a moment, and then she asked, “Does Roman do that a lot?”

“Expect Carrie to take care of the twins… or someone else? All the time. He won’t even speak to me. I tried to mention it once, but it didn’t go well. I do know that everyone in his family has mentioned it at one point or another, and Carrie has met me at the diner several times, completely overwhelmed.” His thumb brushed over the top of Marlena’s hand, and he watched her look down at their laced fingers. She didn’t pull away from, and for that he was grateful. John wasn’t pushing her for more, although they’d woken up that morning with his body wrapped around hers. They’d awkwardly separated, but Marlena hadn’t run away.

Glancing back up at him, she whispered, “They obviously love you very much. They still call you Daddy, but I didn’t hear them call Roman anything, and Carrie called him by his first name.”

“You noticed that, huh? When Roman first came back, Carrie struggled a lot. You remember when I first came into her life, and she wouldn’t accept me?” he asked her. He could still remember it like it was yesterday. Carrie had been angry, and confused. She’d gotten herself in a few messes before all was said and done, but it was Marlena’s coma that was the turning point.

Marlena thought about it, and then said, “Yes…I remember, and then I woke up from my coma, and everything was okay. It was like the two of you had come together during my absence.”

“Carrie has deep rooted trust and abandonment issues. Between Anna flouncing in and out of her life, and the horrors of losing parents multiple times, only to have them return from the dead… she and I have determined to make our relationship one that is based on the truth. I won’t lie to her, or downplay things to be gentle with her. She doesn’t have the patience for it. She’s a lot like Anna in that respect. Carrie wants the truth and the facts, and if someone lies to her, she cuts them out,” John told her. “If I’m not upfront with her, she’ll never trust me again, because when Roman returned, he refused to listen to her. He moved into the house, forbade her from talking to me, and he even took her drivers license away to be sure she didn’t drive to see me. He wouldn’t listen to her about the twins, and besides me, she knows them best. He hasn’t been able to earn her trust, or her respect, and I won’t do anything to lose it.”

Marlena heard more in John’s tone than his words communicated. She heard frustration, and anger, but overwhelmingly she heard sadness. She was broken-hearted. “He came back, after seven years of being thought dead, and turned their lives upside down.”

“He did. As I told you before, he was… maybe he still is… convinced that a trigger exists within me that’s going to put me under the control of Stefano DiMera.” John sometimes wondered if it was true, but he couldn’t live his life under constant worry. 

Marlena looked at him curiously, “Do you think there is?”

“I don’t know, Doc. I don’t think so, but I certainly can’t live my life that way,” he said softly. “There was one, you know. But Kimmy and I… along with Diana, we were able to break it. I don’t think there is another one.”

“Who is Diana?” she asked.

“A woman I loved… we were engaged, and then one night she left.” He sighed, “It broke Carrie’s heart. That was when she started acting out more, and I didn’t know what to do. A single dad with twins and an angry teenager. It was hard for a while.”

“How did you break the trigger?” Marlena couldn’t imagine the effort it would require for John to break through something Stefano had subconsciously implanted in his mind.

“It was a pagoda. We didn’t know at first.” He glanced towards the bedroom window, realizing that the sun was starting to rise, casting the room in a soft pink glow. “Kim was hypnotizing me, trying to break the connection, but I was fighting it. I was finally able to break it myself when…” He paused, thinking about the tricks and games Stefano had played with him during that time. “Stefano was playing games. He kidnapped Carrie and lured me to San Cristobal, and then… he taunted me.”

“With what?”

“With you, Doc. I kept seeing you. Just quick glimpses, and then you were gone. In the end, I found a woman. A woman who claimed that Stefano had hired her to fool me. Maybe that’s why Diana ultimately left me, because that was when she realized that even though you were dead, I was still in love with you.” He’d never considered it before. Diana had left soon after that trip. 

Marlena whispered softly, “How did you break the trigger?”

“It was you, Doc.” He looked at her, brushing his fingers across her cheek. “I was stuck in a room full of mirrors, facing thousands of versions of my own face. Stefano was laughing, and Diana was begging me to remember who I was, but I didn’t see her. I saw you. I came back for you. I broke through the hold that he had on my mind, and I don’t believe there is another one. I can’t live my life as if there is.”

Softly, she said, “I agree. That’s no way to live, isolating yourself from family and friends…all on a chance.” Marlena’s body jolted in the bed when a loud pounding sounded on the loft door downstairs, and Marlena’s eyes were suddenly struck with fear. She knew it was Roman. 

John was out of bed quickly, followed by Marlena. In the hallway they encountered Bo, with Hope standing behind him looking equally scared.

Shawn D and Avi came running into the hallway, “Papá!”

Scooping his son into his arms, John said calmly, “You stay with Mama, Avi. Shawn D, you too, okay?” 

John glanced at Bo, just as they heard Roman’s voice yelling loudly, followed by more pounding on the loft door. “John Black! You fucking bastard, open the G-d damned door!”

John looked at Marlena, his eyes pleading with her, “Stay up here with Hope and the boys, Doc. Lock the bedroom door behind me, but please… please don’t come downstairs. Let Bo and I handle this.” He saw that Bo was already heading for the stairs, and he glanced one last time at Marlena.

“We’ll stay upstairs,” she whispered, ushering Hope, Avi, and Shawn D back into the bedroom.

John kissed her gently, and then followed Bo, who was waiting at the top of the stairs. “I’m not going to have him at my home, scaring the children, Bo.”

“I’ll let you take the lead on this,” Bo told him. “Whatever you want to do. Hope is scared to death, and I won’t keep having him do this. I told him already that it scares her.”

Throwing open the loft door, John said in a low and lethal tone, “Get the fuck away from my loft, Roman, or I’m calling the fucking police!”

“I am the G-d damned police!” Roman roared in a slurred voice. He reeked of alcohol, which in John’s mind made him even more of a nuisance. Roman was already difficult to reason with, drunk he would be impossible. “I’m the mother fucking G-d damned police!”

“That doesn’t give you the right to come pounding on my door at 6:30 in the morning, and scaring my family,” he said. Bo stepped up behind him, and John saw the change in Roman’s eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Roman stared daggers at his younger brother. He didn’t wait for an answer, when he demanded from John, “I want to see my wife.”

John replied, “No. Now leave.” He tried to close the loft door, but Roman put his foot in the way, and then blocked it with his hand. John was surprised. He may be drunk, but his reflexes were still quick.

“No? She’s my fucking wife you bastard!” Roman said loudly. He stumbled forward, seemingly tripping over his own awkward feet. “You can’t keep her from me!”

“She’s not going to be your wife for long, Roman. Now leave,” he replied, trying to maintain control of what little patience he had left. 

“I could have you arrested, you know,” Roman said with venom. “I know Carrie brought the twins by here last night. She didn’t have permission to do that.”

Bo stepped forward, pushing Roman back out into the hallway, “Roman, this has got to stop. I told you the other night on the pier, when you come around drunk, and yelling, and pounding on things it scares Hope and Shawn D.”

“How was I supposed to know you were even here? Why the fuck are you here anyway?” Roman looked between Bo and John curiously.

“Marlena and Hope are scared of the same things!” Bo couldn’t understand if Roman was drunk or dumb. Possibly both. “If you come here banging and yelling, it’s going to have the same result.”

Roman couldn’t keep his thoughts straight. Turning to point a drunken finger at John, he roared, “You’re not allowed near my kids! You broke a standing court order!”

“Roman, there is no court order that says they can’t be around me. The protective order is for the house on Sycamore. It’s not for the kids. I can’t be in your home, and I haven’t been in your home,” John lied easily. He had been in Roman’s home, but not in the last three months.

Roman’s words slurred as he said, “That’s going to change very quickly. I won’t have my children around you.”

“Marlena won’t stand for being denied access to her children, Roman. You know that, and I’m not going anywhere,” John stated. Roman came towards him, and John pushed his chest back so that he stumbled back into the hallway. Stepping towards him, John stared him down as he said, “I came to you three months ago and begged you to look for Marlena and Hope. You refused. This is where we stand now, but she has worked too hard… too fucking damn hard, to heal. She has been in therapy every fucking day, Roman. Every G-d damned day, and I was there for all of it! You told me you wouldn’t believe me, even if Marlena was standing right in front of you! Do you remember saying that?”

Bo stared at John in shock, and then he looked at his brother. It was true. He could see it on Roman’s face, and he was even more disgusted. Roman glanced at Bo, at least knowing he should be ashamed for what he’d said. Glancing back at John, he tried to say something to defend himself, “I—”

“—what?” John said loudly. “What could you possibly say to defend what you’ve done? You refused to help me look for her, and you left our son with Stefano!”

“I thought Stefano was dead!” Roman screamed, as spittle flew from his lips onto the floor. He stumbled again, as his foot caught one behind the other, and he reached out, catching himself on the wall.

John hated Roman Brady. There was no getting past it. He watched him with disgust. John started to step closer to Roman, rage lighting up his eyes, but then he felt Bo’s hand on his arm, pulling him back. “Then, who did you think you were leaving my child with? If you thought Marlena was dead, and you believed you’d killed Stefano, who did you think would take care of my child?”

Roman was so drunk, he didn’t even think to censor his words, “I didn’t fucking care! He wasn’t my problem. My wife believed you were me. She fucked you in our bed, and she gave birth to your kid! And your child was not my problem!”

“Roman!” Bo exclaimed. “You don’t mean that!”

“You think I don’t?” Roman sneered.

“I’m so glad that Mom and Pop aren’t here to hear you say this shit,” Bo told him. “They would be ashamed if they knew what you’ve done. When Anna showed up with Carrie, Marlena accepted her with all of the love a mother could. Carrie wasn’t her child, but it didn’t matter. She took her in, and she loved her… and you’re telling us you don’t have it in you to do the same thing?”

Roman stared at Bo blankly, “That was different.”

“How was it different?” Bo pushed, watching his brother try and act as if what he’d done wasn’t reprehensible. “Carrie was a child, and she was innocent… and Marlena loved her like her own. You weren’t expected to raise Avi, Roman. You weren’t even expected to love him. All you had to do was tell someone… anyone… that he existed! But you didn’t, and that is just as fucked up as Stefano.”

“Don’t you ever compare me to Stefano DiMera,” Roman yelled. “I am nothing like him!”

John wanted to kill him. He stood frozen, clenching his fists at his side. If Bo wasn’t there he would have beat Roman senseless. Instead he said, “You fucking left my son with a madman, who tortured his mother daily. I have no respect for you, and I never will. Marlena will divorce you, and she will get custody of the twins. You do not get to speak to her right now. She didn’t do three months of therapy to have you ruin it all in a single moment. Fucking leave. Now!”

Roman wasn’t going to allow John Black to tell him what to do. Stupidly, he yelled, “I want to speak with my wife!” As soon as the words left his lips, the elevator doors opened with loud ding, and two officers stepped out. They seemed surprised to find John, Bo, and Roman standing there. 

John looked at them, and one said, “There was a call about a noise disturbance.”

Roman said, “He won’t let me see my wife!”

John was about to explain, when Marlena’s voice came from the bottom of the stairs behind him, “I’m here.”

His gut clenched, and John turned with a sigh, “Doc… baby, I asked you to stay upstairs.”

He looked behind her and saw Hope standing there, her hand gripping the railing so hard that her knuckles were white. Her wide green eyes surveyed the whole scene with fear. Marlena said, “No, John. No. I’m going to say what I need to say, and then he’s going to leave.”

Bo swept by her into the loft, intent on catching Hope in case she fell. She was swaying on her feet, and he reached her just as she whispered, “Don’t let him touch her, Bo. Promise me.”

He lifted her small body into his arms, and walked her to the couch. “You are the most stubborn woman, Fancy Face. John asked both of you to stay upstairs.”

All she said was, “Please.” Her eyes went towards the door where there was still a loud discussion taking place. With pleading green eyes she looked up at him, “Bo?”

Bo left her sitting there and went back to the doorway just as Roman tried to push his way into the loft towards Marlena. John stopped him, “You don’t have permission to enter my home. You’ve already scared Hope and the children.”

Roman stared at Marlena. He barely recognized her. Her blonde hair was halfway down her back, hanging in waves. She hated long hair. She looked small, as if she’d lost an excessive amount of weight and was just gaining it back, but it was her eyes that stopped him in his tracks. Her eyes held something he didn’t understand. 

Marlena stepped closer, noticing the two police officers standing behind Roman. With John and Bo, as well as the officers, she felt safe enough to say what she needed to say. She and Kim had practiced what she wanted to say. She had it memorized like a script. “I’m going to say this once, Roman, and I will never discuss it with you again. I was with Stefano for six years, and for almost all of those six years he raped me almost daily.”

Roman cut her off, “Doc, I—”

“No!” she yelled loudly. “I have to say this, and you don’t get to speak right now. You came here at 6:30 in the morning, scaring Avi and Shawn D, scaring Hope, and demanding to see me. Here I am. You are going to listen to me!”

“Baby, are you sure?” John placed his hand on her arm gently. She looked at him, and he saw strength in her eyes. He stepped aside, and allowed her to say what she needed to say. 

Marlena didn’t leave the loft, standing just inside the door. Roman sneered at their interaction, watching the byplay between them with disgust. Marlena could tell by the way he held himself, and the manner in which he had been speaking to John, that the Roman Brady who had returned to Salem was a mere shadow of the man she had married. She felt Bo’s eyes on her, and she said softly, “Stefano raped me almost every day. He may have told you I’d died, but you knew he had my son. You knew! And because of your hatred for John you left an innocent child in the hands of a madman—”

“—I thought I’d killed—”

“—shut up!” she screamed, silencing his excuses before he’d even finished. “I don’t want to hear your explanations! If you had told John about Avi, he would have searched for him until he found him… and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have been raped repeatedly for the last year he had me. Hope and Avi wouldn’t have been subjected to his sick games. Maybe, John would have found us… but you didn’t, Roman. You condemned a child, who was only four years old at the time, to a life of unknown evils, because your pride was wounded. You condemned Hope to another year there.”

“I didn’t know about Hope!”

“Would that have changed anything?” Marlena asked him. “Your pride was wounded, and you decided to play G-d!”

“This has nothing to do with pride,” Roman said angrily.

Bo watched Marlena in her rage, like an avenging angel. He imagined what she must have been like when she was protecting Hope from Stefano, and he felt pride swell up inside him.

“This has everything to do with your pride! We were upstairs! We heard everything you said! Your hatred, and your venom towards John is all because I fell in love with someone else. We thought he was you, but that didn’t change the love I felt for him, and that enrages you, doesn’t it? You almost vibrate with it,” she said, stepping closer to him. Bo stepped in front of her, and she looked up, noticing his blue eyes staring back at her. Blue eyes that were so similar to Sami’s. She stepped back, and focused on Roman. “I have spent the last three months in therapy every single day, to get stronger, and replace the broken woman that John found, with the one standing before you. I will not be cowed by you, Roman. I will not allow you to enter the safe space that we have created here, so that you can spit your hatred and your vitriol. You have seen me. Now leave.”

Roman stood there for a moment, almost as if he couldn’t process what she had just said to him. He glanced between John’s hard stare, and his brothers. When he did speak, it was only to threaten her. “You won’t get the kids, Doc. I’ll fight you on this.” Pointing at John, he said, “I won’t have my children around him, because he’s not safe.”

“He’s not safe? John’s not safe?” she said incredulously. She almost laughed in Roman’s face. “He saved my life. He saved Hope’s life, and Avi’s. You? You condemned us to an extra year with Stefano. Don’t threaten me, Roman Brady. You’ll lose.”

Hope smiled to herself where she sat on the couch, feeling pride well up inside her. That was the Marlena she remembered. The one who stood up for herself. The one who wouldn’t allow herself to be anyone’s victim.

Roman sneered, “No judge in their right mind would give you custody when you’re living with a ticking time bomb.”

Marlena had said what she wanted to say. She looked at John, and said softly, “I’m going to check on Hope, Avi and Shawn D.”

John watched her walk away with pride, and he turned back to Roman. “A year ago, I wasn’t able to fight you. Now, I have enough money to tie this up in the court system until the twins are eighteen. She has lost too fucking much. You will not take her children to spite me.” Glancing at the two police officers standing there awkwardly, John said, “I don’t want him here, so if you could escort him out of the building, please?”

“Well, um, Mr. Black… its a public building. We’re here for a noise complaint,” the younger officer said.

“I own the building,” John said.

One of the officers looked at Roman, and said, “Um, sir…”

Bo had walked inside, and John was already closing the loft door when he heard Roman say, “I know what the fuck he said, Simmons!”

On the couch, Marlena brushed Hope’s dark hair over her shoulder, “Are you okay?”

“Are you okay?” she whispered in reply.

Marlena paused, and then she said softly, “I think I am.” She looked up to find Bo and John standing nearby, and she stood up, reaching for John. “I’m so tired.”

“Let’s go back to bed, Doc. We can all talk about this later.” He laced his fingers through hers, and led her back upstairs. 

Bo watched them go, and then looked at his wife. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m proud of her,” she said softly.

Bo thought about everything he’d seen and heard in the last forty five minutes, and he took her hand, saying, “I’m proud of her too.”

Chapter 20

She hadn’t meant to do it. John had left with Avi to get some groceries. That’s all, but then she’d noticed John had left Avi’s knitted cap, and then there was a knock on the door. It had to be John, right? Her mind scrambled to understand what was happening. John had come back for Avi’s hat. Hadn’t he? Why was Roman there? Why was everything so silent? Roman’s face was pinched in anger, fury lit his eyes… he was screaming, but where was the sound? Marlena closed her eyes tightly, trying to shake her head, and make it all stop. She needed Roman to go away. She couldn’t handle it. Turning away from him, she felt the rawness in her throat. Was she screaming? She started to shake. John. John… she needed John. Then she felt it. A hand on her arm. Pinching, tugging, hurting her… and in an instant, she was somewhere else. Stefano was standing over her. She tried to protect her body, as she curled into herself. He kicked her. Over and over he kicked her. His boot landing solidly against her spine, and against her ribs. She could feel them crack and snap under the weight of him, and all the while her blood roared in her ears, and she screamed over and over again.

Bo came off of the elevator and saw everything as if it were in slow motion. Marlena’s shrieks filled the air, as her hands covered her ears. Her long hair flew about as she shook her head, and yet, her eyes were closed. Roman stood over her, leaning into her space. Then he grabbed her. His hand closed around her upper arm, shaking her violently, as he roared, “Will you fucking listen to me?”

She collapsed, falling into a heap on the floor, and still her screams echoed in the hallway. Her body curled in on itself, as she cried over and over again, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” 

Roman released her as soon as she’d started to fall. He stepped back, staring down at her in confusion. When his eyes lifted, he saw Bo right before his brother punched him so hard he blacked out.

Bo’s heart was racing, and his muscles were trembling. He whispered softly, “Mar… I’m picking you up, and taking you inside.”

Marlena had gone eerily quiet. Seconds earlier she’d been screaming, and then… nothing. Glancing down where his brother lay, he lifted Marlena’s curled up body in his arms, and he stepped over Roman, entering the loft. Suddenly Marlena moaned as if she were in pain, and Bo’s chest ached. He had no idea what to do. He’d seen Avi and John driving off when he’d arrived, and he’d only been there looking for Hope. What he found was a situation he wasn’t sure how to handle. 

Walking Marlena towards the couch, he whispered, “Can you hear me? Marlena? Mar… Fuck… please say something.” Leaning down he laid her on the couch, and tried to step back, looking around frantically for the cordless telephone. Marlena’s small fist had twisted in the cotton of his t-shirt, so he sat beside her, and brushed her hair back from her face. He stared at her. It was Marlena. His sister in law. His brother’s wife. She was the same woman she’d always been, but at that moment she was a woman who was broken. Her soul was so fractured, that Bo wasn’t certain if she would ever be able to put it back together. 

She rolled towards him, pressing her face into his abdomen, and she started sobbing. At first he could barely hear her. It was the wetness of the fabric of his t-shirt, and the rocking motion of her body that he recognized. 

She took a deep breath. It was Bo. Memories of his laughing face, and his dark brown shaggy hair came to mind. His wide smile, and his lackadaisical attitude… his laugh, and his blue eyes. All of it meant safety. She took another breath. Her sobs started to come as loud gasps, and deep soul wrenching sounds of pain. She tried to stop them, but then she was unable to breathe, so she gave up. She gave into it. She wrapped her arms around Bo abdomen, and she gave up as she buried her face against him. He wasn’t John, but he was family, and he was safe.

“Hey,” Bo whispered, brushing her hair from her face. “Hey, Marlena…”

“I’m so stupid,” she sobbed. “I-I…I opened the door… I’m s-so f-fucking stupid! I thought… I thought…”

At a loss for words, Bo sat there, and he allowed her to cry. He wasn’t sure how long she’d been crying when he heard Hope scream outside the loft, “Mar!”

She stopped in the doorway to the loft, and their eyes met. Bo whispered softly, “Call Kimmy.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I want to fucking press charges, Abe.” Roman sat on the gurney in the emergency room staring up at his best friend. 

“Roman,” Abe hedged. “The D.A. won’t press charges. You know that.”

“I’ve got a concussion. I was unconscious for nearly forty-five minutes.” Roman closed his eyes, trying to make the throbbing in his head stop. In a softer tone, he said, “I don’t know why the fuck he decided to hit me, but I’m pressing charges.”

“I’m not letting you press charges against your brother, and besides, he says you were assaulting Marlena.”

“I don’t believe that,” Roman said. The pain in his head felt as if it were being rammed against a wall. Instead it had been rammed against his baby brother’s fist. “Can you turn off these G-d damned lights? My head is pounding.”

Abe flipped the switch, and the fluorescent lights flickered before they went off. “Look, Roman, I’m sorry this happened, but John says they have security footage from that hallway. The D.A. is previewing it now… I can’t promise that there won’t be charges against you.”

“Me?” Roman’s eyes opened, and he stared at Abe for a moment. 

“Bo said he came off of the elevator, and that he’d heard Marlena’s screams even before the doors opened. He said in his statement that you grabbed her, shaking her, and you were screaming.”

“Abe! I don’t even remember going over there!” Roman said.

“That’s because you have a severe concussion, and you blacked out,” Mike Horton said without emotion as he entered the curtained area. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Roman’s mind flashed an image of him yelling at Sami that morning. He’d grabbed her arm, and shook her. He could still see her blue eyes shining with tears as she stared up at him and hissed, “I hate you.”

“I had cereal for breakfast,” he replied sarcastically. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena’s eyes were drifting closed, when she heard Hope say, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“Bo was,” Marlena whispered. She wasn’t sure what else to say. That’s all that mattered. She could trust someone besides John, when she’d thought for the last three months that she would never trust any other man but John. She hadn’t even considered Bo. Hope loved him with every fiber of her being, and it was that love that made it so when Bo touched her that afternoon everything went quiet. Marlena smiled, “When we were with Stefano in San Cristobal, you would talk about Bo for hours. Do you remember?”

Hope touched Marlena’s face softly as she lay across from her. “I talk too much.”

“No,” she replied gently. “Never. You would tell me the most wonderful stories about your adventures on the high seas, remember?” Hope started laughing, reaching for Marlena’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Marlena continued, “I think listening to you talk about Bo for the last two years… it allowed me to trust him today. I don’t think I would have otherwise. I can’t explain it.”

“He’s a pretty wonderful guy,” Hope said softly. After a few seconds of silence, she whispered, “I was so scared today, Mar.”

“I’m sorry you were scared.” Marlena’s eyes felt heavy, but she opened them when she felt Hope start to move away. “Don’t leave.”

“You’re falling asleep, and I don’t want to disturb you.” Hope couldn’t help thinking about how beautiful Marlena’s eyes were, or how soft her hair would feel between her fingers. “You need your rest.”

“Stay with me… just for a bit.” She pulled Hope’s hand closer to her chest, and sighed, “Just for a bit,” right before her eyes closed.

Scooting closer, Hope couldn’t stop herself from leaning in and kissing Marlena’s lips gently. Brushing her soft hair back from her cheek, Hope rested her head against Marlena, whispering, “Just for a little bit.”

They were both asleep within moments.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bo had been on the roof for nearly an hour when John found him. Avi and Shawn D were asleep, and Hope was with Marlena. John stood behind him, and said softly, “It’s too cold to be up here, man.”

“I’m fine,” Bo told him shortly. “I just need to think.”

“Think in the loft,” he said. “It’s warm there, and Hope’s worried about you.”

“How’s Marlena?” Bo stood up, and turned around, rubbing his hands over his face. “Did she fall asleep?”

“She did. Tom Horton stopped by and gave her something,” John said softly. “Kim just left to go home. Shane has the kids, and she’s worried they’ll drive him crazy if she’s gone too long.”

“Those two are heathens,” Bo mumbled thinking about Andrew and Jeannie. He was quiet for a moment, and then he stared at John. “I’m still trying to process what the fuck happened down there. How could Roman… how could he not see what he was doing to her?”

“Physically?” John asked. He’d watched the security footage several times. He couldn’t even understand it. “Or mentally?”

“Both? John… she was screaming, and I’ve never seen her like that. Never. How could he not see how terrified she was?” Bo turned around in frustration and leaned against the brick terrace wall. A gust of wind swept up from the street, and he almost welcomed the frigid air. 

“Roman doesn’t see a lot of things, Bo. But, you were there for her. I need to thank you for that,” John said. He needed Bo to know that he would forever be grateful that when Marlena needed someone, he was there. “She trusts you.”

Bo turned around, staring at John intently, “I don’t understand why.”

“I can’t believe you’re even saying that. You’re not an idiot, Bo. Think about it. Really think about it,” John told him. “Why would she trust you?”

A car horn honked loudly below, and a dog barked in an apartment nearby, as Bo continued to stare at John. John had that intense way of looking at someone that caused them to feel as if he knew exactly what they were thinking. Bo knew why she’d trusted him. Marlena had spent two years with Hope. What had they talked about in that time? All of those nights when they only had each other. “Hope,” he said quietly. “Because of Hope.”

“That’s a fact. Hope. There’s no other explanation, Bo.” He stepped closer, leaning on the terrace wall beside Bo, and he said, “For two years they talked about us. I know that because Marlena told me, and when I found out what happened today… even without her telling me what happened, I knew. And all I can say is that I’m so fucking grateful it was you, because if it was anyone else… well, I don’t want to think about that.” The mere fact that Marlena had allowed Bo to touch her, to pick her up, and to comfort her – that said everything John needed to know.

“Roman’s at the hospital,” Bo said.

“He’ll survive,” John replied sarcastically.

Bo smirked, “I knocked his clock though.”

John chuckled, “I’m just sorry I missed it. He deserved it. C’mon, man. It’s late.”

“What’s your guess that they’re asleep?” Bo asked as he followed John down the stairs, and back into the loft.

“I’m not even going to answer that,” John replied. “You might as well stay here at the loft again.”

“We need to talk about that soon,” Bo told him, coming to a standstill in the doorway to John’s bedroom. Marlena and Hope were in the middle of the bed, facing each other with their hands laced together at their chins. Both of them were asleep, and they’d pulled the blanket over themselves as if they had no intention of moving. 

Bo looked over when John went to grab a pair of sweatpants from the dresser, and threw a second pair at him. He stood there dumbfounded, as John disappeared into the bathroom, and reappeared a few minutes later with a freshly washed face while wearing a change of clothes. John looked at him for a second, and finally said with a careless shrug, “They’re asleep, and I’m tired.”

“I’m not sleeping here,” Bo told him.

“Then sleep on the couch, because the boys are in the guest room. Better yet, Bo, sleep in Avi’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bed like a big boy,” John told him with a yawn as he climbed into bed behind Marlena. “It’s almost three in the morning.”

“I can move the boys,” Bo tried to protest, standing in the middle of the room with John’s sweatpants hanging from his fingers. This was ridiculous. They weren’t teenagers having a slumber party.

John reached behind him, and turned out the lamp. The room went dark, as he said with a yawn, “Then move the boys. I’m tired.”

“Fucking hell,” Bo mumbled.

“Shut up, and get in the fucking bed, Bo,” John mumbled. “It’s too late for this.”

Chapter 21

John watched Marlena apprehensively descend the stairs with an overnight bag in her hand. She was wearing a loose dress covered in small sunflowers, and a navy blue cardigan. So different from her old style, and yet so distinctly her. Her hair was braided, hanging over her shoulder, and even without makeup, she was gorgeous. “Are you ready to go, Doc?”

“I’ve never been away from Avi,” she said, sitting her bag down near the loft door. 

As nervous as Marlena was, John smiled when Avi came running down the stairs seconds later yelling, “I’ve never been on a boat before!” 

They’d arranged for Bo and Hope to have Avi for the night while they flew up to Rochester, New York to meet with an attorney. Marlena had been home for almost two weeks, and still Roman refused to allow her to see the twins with John present. He’d been insisting that Marlena come to the house on Sycamore alone, which John wouldn’t allow, and Marlena had admitted she wasn’t ready for. Not after her last interaction with Roman. 

Turning to smile at her son, Marlena asked him, “Are you excited?”

“Yeah! Uncle Bo said we can go fishing, and Hope said we can sit outside when it gets dark, and watch the stars.” Avi bounced on the tips of his toes, and then he yelled, “I forgot something!” He turned quickly, and started running back up the stairs.

“Be careful,” John called. He poured coffee in a mug, while watching Marlena from the corner of his eye. She came closer, sitting on a stool near the kitchen island with a soft sigh. “Is there a problem, Doc?”

“Well, he’s obviously having no problem knowing he’s spending a night away from me.” 

“And why would he?” John said, sliding the mug towards her. “Hope is his second mother. He trusts her implicitly.”

“I do too,” she said. “It’s just… I’ve never been away from him, and… it feels scary.” 

“Would you prefer that they stay at the loft?” he asked her, leaning forward to catch her gaze. “Bo offered.”

“No. No… no,” she told him. “Avi would be upset, and Bo got him all excited about going out on the boat. After all of Hope’s boat stories, of course Avi would be excited. I just worry about Roman–”

“I talked to Bo. He’s taking the boat out as soon as they get back to the pier after picking up Avi. Roman won’t even know, and Bo even had a conversation with Shawn and Caroline about waiting to meet Avi, just until we feel safer.” He rounded the island, and stepped up close to her holding his arms out. “I’m not letting anything happen that could set back all the progress you’ve made. Bo and Hope aren’t either.”

Marlena couldn’t help but smile up at him, before she leaned forward to rest her cheek on his chest. She wrapped her arms around his hips. John’s arms embraced her, and she sighed as his palms slid slowly over the curve of her spine. “I love you,” she whispered.

He tipped her chin up, so that she would look at him, and he said softly, “I love you.”

A knock sounded on the door, followed by, “It’s Bo.”

Avi cried out in frustration from the top of the stairs, “I can’t find it!”

John smiled. “You wanna get the door or the kid?”

“The kid,” she laughed. 

John kissed her forehead quickly, and watched her as she went towards the staircase, following the sounds of Avi’s cries of distress. John pulled the door open to find Bo standing there with a wide grin, and a bundle of lilacs. John reached for the flowers, “Aw, Bo, you shouldn’t have!”

Bo jerked the flowers out of John’s reach, “Shut up. They aren’t for you.”

“Avi?” John asked him with a cocked eyebrow. He found Bo’s look of embarrassment and frustration humorous.

Bo pushed his way into the loft, shoving John to the side as he laughed at him, and he said, “Hope and I were in town, and this little flower shop had these. She insisted we buy them, since they aren’t in season right now. I guess the lady grows them in her greenhouse, or something like that.”

“So you brought Marlena flowers?” John said, finding a vase up in the kitchen cabinet. “Should I be jealous?”

“Hope sent me over with flowers. There’s a difference,” Bo told him, plopping the bundle into the water filled vase. He looked around, “Is Avi ready?”

“Yeah. Well, I think so. Doc went upstairs to check on him.” John leaned against the kitchen counter, “She’s really nervous about leaving him tonight–”

“–I told you that we’d keep Roman away.” Bo heard laughing upstairs, and smiled. He wouldn’t allow Roman anywhere near Avi. Bo stared at John intently, “I promise. Okay?”

“Yeah,” John said, standing up straight. “I just worry. I worry almost constantly. Doc doesn’t need any setbacks right now.”

“Look, John. I know, and we’re with you one hundred percent on this,” Bo said in low tones. He glanced over to see Marlena descending the stairs with Avi’s hand in hers. Glancing back towards John, he said, “I made mistakes when Roman first came back, and I’m sorry for that.”

“I told you before, Bo. I’m not. I was a liability, and the kids needed you–”

“–lilacs!” Marlena cried with a look of surprise. “Oh, they’re beautiful! Thank you!”

“Hope saw them, and said you’d like them,” Bo said with a shrug. 

“I love them,” she said, just before she shoved her face into them, breathing deeply. She smiled widely at Bo, “I really love them.”

John watched Marlena for a moment, enjoying the happiness that she was radiating, and then he said, “Did Avi find what he was looking for?”

“He did,” she said softly, walking towards them. “He was looking for his magic seashell. The one he found in Washington.” She glanced over at her son, and then she said, so only John  and Bo could hear her, “He thinks it keeps Shredder away.”

Bo’s chest tightened as he watched the small child tuck a seashell in the side pocket of his duffle bag. What Stefano had done to Avi, Marlena, and Hope was beyond evil. He knew that Avi would have lasting effects for the rest of his life. Of course he would. Looking over at Marlena, he remembered how she used to be when he first met her – always laughing, always with a smile on her face. She was still that woman, but she was quieter. She carried sadness with her, and maybe she always would. It was possible that she was changed forever. He knew already that Hope was.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena stood with John holding his hand outside of the lawyers office. She glanced at the placard on the door, and read Diane Miller. They had traveled to Rochester, New York for this meeting, and all she could hope for was a lawyer willing to take on their custody case. There was no way to ignore that it was unique, and obviously there was no legal precedent. She and John had considered hiring Mickey Horton, but John had decided against it. His explanation made sense to Marlena. They needed someone reputable, and someone who had no prior knowledge of the situation. They needed a lawyer who wouldn’t balk at the facts, and then turn tail and run, but they also needed someone who would win, at the bare minimum, joint custody. Although, in truth, Marlena wanted full custody. John, Marlena, Bo, Hope, and Kim had discussed it, and they felt that with the right attorney, Marlena stood a good chance of getting her children back, especially if they all supported her in court.

Entering the waiting area, Marlena noted that it was tastefully decorated, although the woman seemed to like shoes, since most of the art involved paintings of shoes. They were large, colorful paintings of heels mostly, but there was one that caught her eye. A pair of black stilettos, with a red sole. Those were sexy shoes. Smiling to herself she couldn’t help but imagine an incredibly classy woman. Hopefully she was an incredibly classy, intelligent, and motivated woman who was going to be able to sift through a case like this.

Before they even sat down, Diane stepped out of her office, “Mr. Black?” 

She was exquisitely dressed, with short vibrant red hair, and an amazing pair of red shoes with a large gold buckle on top, just as Marlena had suspected she would. She gave them both a wide smile, and gestured inside her office. Marlena smiled to herself, as she followed John into Diane’s office. Taking seats on the opposite side of her desk, they waited. 

Diana was intrigued. After reading through the information John had sent her, she wasn’t expecting two people who seemed so refined. Their story sounded like something out of a soap drama. The kind she used to watch everyday after school. She stepped around her desk and took a seat, pulling the file towards her. “I was able to look through the material you sent me, Mr. Black, and I have to say that this case is quite extraordinary. Mind you, I handle extraordinary cases everyday, and I don’t lose.” She stared at him for a moment, and then glanced over at the woman beside him. Marlena Evans Brady. She was beautiful, but there was a deep sadness there. She had been through too much, and if getting her children back was what she wanted, then Diana was prepared to do it. “My question is, are you willing to call witnesses that could potentially cause a rift in this family? Are you willing to talk about the horror, which you have endured? Because if Roman Brady was willing to leave your child in the hands of the unknown, you can be certain that he’s willing to fight dirty for these two other children just to spite you.”

Marlena’s heart hurt knowing that the fight for Eric and Sami was going to get messy, but she couldn’t continue to allow Roman to have the twins. His work hours were extensive, and most of that was by choice. It wasn’t as if he was scheduled to work long hours. Then there was the fact that he was consistently leaving the responsibility of raising the twins on Carrie’s shoulders. The list was long, and the situation was unhealthy for them. According to what Carrie had told them, it was emotionally, and verbally abusive. It was only a matter of time before it crossed the line into the physical. Sighing, Marlena said softly, “We don’t have a choice. My children are probably in an abusive situation. Not physically, yet, but I’ve seen his anger… and it… it could turn physical. They’re only eight. I don’t want that for them.”

John reached for Marlena’s hand, lacing his fingers through hers without a single word. She glanced at him with a gentle smile, and as Diane watched them, her decision was made. “I understand, and I’ve got a plan.” She opened the file in front of her with a smile. “You said that two of his siblings, as well as his oldest daughter are willing to testify on your behalf…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

     Marlena looked around the hotel room in awe. “John, this is so beautiful,” she whispered. She stepped further inside the room, and turned around as he placed their bags near the door. 

“I stayed here once on a trip with Isabella,” he said. He still missed her, and in truth he was probably still mourning her. The last year of his life had been one trauma after another, but finding Marlena alive had been a gift. 

“You miss her?” she asked him softly. Knowing that he had loved another woman so deeply in her absence had been hard at first. But over time, she had come to see it as a blessing. John wasn’t a man who could be alone, and he was for Isabella, even half of what he had been for her, then Isabella had been blessed.

“I’ll always miss her, Doc.” John walked over towards the floor to ceiling glass walls. “We stayed on the other side of the hotel when we were here. She was scared of heights, so this view wouldn’t have been appreciated.”

Marlena came to stand beside him, reaching for his hand. “I think it’s beautiful. You can see the whole city from up here.” The sun was going down, dipping into the tree line, and the city lights were shining from down below. After their meeting with Diane they’d driven up, into the mountains. They’d both been quiet, lost in their own thoughts. She leaned towards him, and rested her head on his shoulder, “It’s absolutely beautiful.”

“I thought you’d think so.” He looked down at her, watching her face as she looked out over the tops of the trees. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to touch her soft skin, and show her physically how much he loved her. She wasn’t ready for that yet, and he was content to be with her. No matter how long it took, he was content with holding her hand, and staring into those beautiful hazel eyes. 

Marlena looked up at him, “What?”

He smiled softly, “Nothing, Doc. I was just thinking about how much I love you, and… how much I enjoy being with you.”

She rubbed her cheek on his shoulder, “I feel so safe with you… I feel so much love…”

He leaned down, kissing her cheek gently, and he whispered, “Why don’t you call Avi? I’ll go run you a bath.”

“A bath?” She sighed, “A bath sounds wonderful.”

“Just wait until you see the tub in this place,” he whispered with a sly smile. “It could fit four people.”

She released his hand, and then stared up at him for a moment. She wanted him. She knew she did, but she was so scared. She was scared to move too fast. She didn’t want to get caught up in a moment like she did before, and then set back her progress. The nightmares were her biggest fear. “I love you so much, John… and I’m so scared of that. I’m scared of loving you so much, I can’t let go… but not being able to give you what you need–”

“–there are no expectations tonight, Doc. None. I just wanted to spend some time with you alone. I want you to sleep in past 6:30 in the morning. I want you to soak in a massive tub with bath salts until your skin wrinkles, and your hair curls.” His hand cupped her face, “I want to pamper you. Now, make the phone call… and then grab your book and meet me in the bathroom.”

Marlena stood rooted where she was, watching John walk towards the bathroom. Her body shivered, and goosebumps covered her skin. She whispered to herself, “Call Avi and meet John in the bathroom.” Her stomach seemed to have butterflies, and continued to stare at the doorway where he’d disappeared. Making love wasn’t something she was ready for, but she was ready for something. The problem was, what?

The tub was fragrant and full of bubbles when Marlena appeared in the doorway to the bathroom a few minutes later. She was standing there in a tank top, and a pair of cotton briefs with her arms wrapped around her nervously. John couldn’t help the way his eyes scanned over her long legs, and her rounded hips. She was a vision. John smiled, “What is this?”

“I was hoping,” she said nervously. “Well, you said the tub was large, and I was hoping that you could, um, stay in here with me.”

John stood up, and turned off the water. He approached her slowly, and then feathered his fingers across her jaw. His voice shook, “You want me to stay with you?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I want you to stay with me, but I’m not ready–”

“–no expectations,” he said softly. “But I will never say no to spending time with you.”

She glanced at the tub awkwardly, and then said, “So… I’ll wear this and you can wear your boxers.”

John gave her a flirtatious grin, “Anything you want, Doc. Anything you want.” He watched her step into the heated water with a sigh, and sink down into the tub. Her eyes closed in pleasure, and John’s abdomen clenched. Pulling his cotton sweater over his head, he reached for the hem of his tank top, taking that off as well. After unbuttoning his jeans, he pushed them over his hips, and when he looked up he caught Marlena watching him. He cocked his eyebrow, and asked her teasingly, “You like what you see?”

Marlena felt the heat rise up the column of her neck, and suffuse her cheeks, as she whispered honestly, “Yes.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asked her, stepping towards the tub with bare feet.

“I’m sure,” she whispered, watching him step into the tub. He sank into the water at the opposite end, and sat facing her while he tried to figure out where his legs would go. Marlena wanted him with her. “Come down here.”

John swallowed thickly, “Behind you?”

“Yes.”

“Doc, being that close to you–”

“–I know.” She watched him stand, and she sat forward, allowing him the space he needed to settle behind her. Once he was there, she leaned back against him, resting her spine against his bare chest with a sigh. She glanced down, noticing the way her blonde hair floated in the water around them. They were both silent for a long time, and then John laced his fingers through hers, holding both of her hands in the water. She sighed, closing her eyes, and she slid a little lower in the water.

“I could wash your hair for you,” he said quietly. The thought of running his fingers through her wet, sudsy hair was definitely appealing. Any excuse to touch her was appealing to him.

“That would feel so nice,” she whispered.

“Anything for you, baby.” John didn’t stop himself, when he leaned forward and kissed the side of her neck softly. He smiled at Marlena’s soft groan of pleasure. They were making progress, and he wouldn’t rush it. He wouldn’t rush her, because it was as if he was falling more and more in love with her everyday. 

Chapter 22

Carrie had just finished getting Eric ready for bed. She yawned widely, rubbing at her eyes. It was past time to get them into bed, but she’d been trying to finish up her biology assignment for a class she had the next day at nine o’clock in the morning. She finished rinsing out the tub, and started new bathwater for Sami. Roman was working late yet again, and as hard as it was on her, those were the nights that were the easiest. Roman’s presence seemed to add a layer of tension to everything. Carrie poured some Mr. Bubble into the tub just as Sami entered the bathroom. “Strip,” she told her sister. “And then go ahead, and get in the tub. I put in some bubbles, so you feel fancy.”

“I love fancy baths!” Sami said excitedly, removing her shirt. She was tired. She’d gotten in trouble at school again, and then she’d cried in the school counselor’s office for almost a half hour. When that happened she was tired for the rest of the day. She hadn’t told Carrie yet, but she knew that her teacher had already tried to call Roman. He didn’t return her call. Sami hoped he didn’t. She looked up at Carrie, saying softly, “I got in trouble again… at school.”

Carrie looked into Sami’s blue eyes, “What happened?”

“Kyle Heath said I don’t know who my daddy is, ‘cause I think Daddy is my Daddy, and I think Roman isn’t. Kyle said… he said I’m dumb.” Sami started to push her pants down, but then stopped. “I’m not dumb. I know who my Daddy is, so I hit him in the face with a basketball.” 

“Sami,” Carrie said softly. “We’ve talked about this. I know it’s upsetting, especially because you’re so young and you don’t understand everything, but you can’t lash out everytime someone says something hurtful.”

Sami’s eyes took on a fierce glow when she said, “I know who my Daddy is and it’s not him!”

Pulling her sister into her arms, there was nothing Carrie could say besides, “I know.” She leaned back, looking at Sami’s tear filled eyes, “Did they call him?”

“Yeah, but he didn’t answer.” Sami stood back and finished undressing, preparing to get into the bathtub. “Do I need to apologize to Kyle Heath?”

“If Kyle Heath is anything like his sister, Melissa… then no.” Carrie knew she should probably tell Sami to apologize, or something in that vein, but she didn’t want to. The kid sounded horrible, and as long as Roman never mentioned it, she was going to let it go. As Sami was getting into the tub, a flash of color caught Carrie’s eye. She glanced over, and noticed that Sami had bruises on her arm, bruises from someone’s fingers. Kneeling next to the tub, Carrie lifted Sami’s arm, noting bruising underneath it as well. Someone had grabbed her, hard. Carrie’s voice shook as she said, “Sami? What happened to your arm?”

She looked down into the bubbles, and whispered, “I made him mad. He got mad, ’cause I said John was my Daddy.” 

And that was why she got so angry with the boy at school, because she’d already argued with Roman about it. “When did this happen?”

“This morning,” Sami said softly. “He was yelling at Eric… ‘cause Eric threw up again, and I–I said that my Daddy wouldn’t do that, and he – then he shook me.”

Carrie felt tears sting her eyes, “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

     Sami felt sick, and her stomach started hurting. She wrapped her arms around herself, and whispered, “I don’t know. I won’t say it again.”

Carrie stared at Sami for a moment, and then said firmly, “Sami, you have to tell me when this happens. This isn’t okay. You understand that, don’t you? He has no right to hurt you.”

The girl shrugged, “He’s done it before… I just gotta keep quiet. That’s what Eric said.”

Carrie was scared, and didn’t know what to do. Her stomach felt wavy, and she realized her heart was slamming in her chest. Her voice wavered as she asked, “He’s hurt you before?”

Sami felt weird inside, as if she had done something wrong. She shook her, “Yes. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Peanut. You hear me? Don’t apologize. I’m not mad at you,” Carrie told her. “I’m just… I’m scared a little. Hold on here, okay? I’ll be right back.” Leaving the bathroom quickly, she rested her head against the wall in the hallway. She was very scared. She was too young to know how to handle any of this, and she was so angry that she had to. Her muscles were quivering, and she wasn’t sure what to do. Trying to calm her breathing, she tried to think about her Dad. What would he do? How would he handle a situation like this? Evidence. She needed evidence. Taking a deep breath, she went into her bedroom, and grabbed her camera. 

She walked back into the bathroom, just as Sami was wiping tears from her face. She set the camera on the closed toilet beside her, and said gently, “I’m going to take a couple pictures of the bruises. Just in case we need them.”

“Why do we need pictures?” Sami asked, but then she saw the look on Carrie’s face and she understood. She didn’t say anything else, as Carrie lifted her arm.

Leaning closer, and speaking softer, Carrie said, “Just in case.”

“In case we have to show Daddy?” she asked.

Carrie sighed, “Just in case, Sami. Stop asking questions.”

     “But that’s why, right? In case we want to leave here, and live with Mommy and Daddy?” Sami saw Carrie’s eyes focus in concentration. “I want to leave here. I want you, me, and Eric to leave.”

“You are smarter than I give you credit for, Samantha Gene. Yes, hold your arm so I can take these pictures,” Carrie said. 

Later after the twins were in their rooms reading, Carrie called John. Her hand shook as she held the receiver to her ear. She didn’t know what else to do. Was it abuse? Was it discipline? How was she supposed to know the difference? John used to be a police officer, and she trusted him more than anyone else in her life. She knew that he and Marlena were out of town the night before, but she hoped they were home. Relief washed through her when she heard his familiar voice answer the phone, and she said, “Daddy? I have a question.”

He knew as soon as he heard her voice waver that something was wrong, “What happened, Punkin’?”

It was all she needed. His calm tone, even with a few word, and she felt safe. “Roman got angry at Sami, and he grabbed her arm. She said he shook her, and she… she has bruises. Under her arm, and on the top of her arm, like he squeezed her. You can tell he squeezed her. That’s abuse, right?”

His gut clenched with fear. “Yes, Carrie, that’s considered abuse. If a mark lasts more than 24 hours, it’s considered abuse. When did it happen?” John asked her.

“I just saw it tonight, but, um, she said it happened this morning. But Dad, the bruises… they won’t be gone in the morning. They’re too dark, and she–she said he’s done it before. I took pictures. I don’t know why, but I took pictures.”

“Good. Good. Let me talk to Doc. See what she thinks, but we might have to call CPS to do a wellness check. You know that’s not okay, Carrie. He grabbed her, and shook her, leaving bruises? She’s eight years old,” John said. The anger in him was rising quickly. They might not make it to court at this rate. He might get himself arrested by going to the police station, and beating what little sense Roman had right out of him.

Carrie started crying, “Dad, I don’t feel comfortable leaving them with him alone anymore. Not if he’s going to hurt them. He got angry because she still thinks of you as her father… because she loves you.”

“What?” he exclaimed. “What exactly did Sami tell you?”

     Carried checked to make sure the twins weren’t eavesdropping, which they did all of the time, and then she said, “Sami said that Roman was angry because she called you her Daddy.”

“He hurt her because she loves me? I’m—I’m talking to Doc, and I’m calling your grandparents. Tomorrow is Saturday. What’s Roman’s schedule?” John asked her hurriedly, as he formulated what to do in his head.

Carrie thought for a moment, “I think he’s supposed to go in around noon tomorrow, but he’s still at work now.”

“Can you get them up early, and head to the fish market?” he asked her. He wanted the twins up, and out of the house before Roman was moving around. If he was working late, he might sleep later in the morning.

Carrie started to breathe a little easier, “Yes, I can do that. I was thinking I might have them sleep in my room, and call it a sleepover—”

“—Carrie, you are an amazing kid. You know that?” John said, with pride in his voice. “I think a sleepover is a good idea, and I’m going to speak with Doc tonight. I’m going to warn you that we might have to make a CPS call. I won’t have this escalating into something much bigger… or something worse than a couple of bruises.”

“I know. I think that’s why I took pictures. I know it’s wrong,” Carrie said softly.

“Do you trust me, Punkin?” John asked her softly. “I will take care of this. I promise.”

Carrie whispered, “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too,” he said. “Get the twins into your bedroom, and get them excited for a sleepover. Whatever you have to do. Watch movies, eat popcorn… and then get them up and to the fish market.”

“I’m going to miss class–”

“–I’m sorry about that, honey. I am.”

“It’s fine,” she told him. “I probably couldn’t focus anyway. Not if I was worried.” She turned quickly when she heard Roman’s car start to pull into the driveway. “I’ve gotta go, Dad! Roman’s home. I love you.”

He stared at the telephone receiver in his hand, and then hung up. She’d disconnected the call. All he could do now was talk to Marlena, and figure out how she wanted to handle the situation. He had to trust that Carrie could handle herself.

     Upstairs, Marlena had just gotten Avi to sleep when John came up to speak with her. “We have a problem, Doc, and I’ll follow your lead on this. Whatever you want to do.” She stopped what she was doing immediately dropping the towel she was folding onto the bed. “Carrie called me and said that Sami has bruises on her arm from Roman grabbing her and shaking her this morning. Carrie didn’t know until this evening. He did it because she called me her Daddy,” John said.

“They can’t stay with him, John. This is only going to get worse!” She sat on the end of the bed, and stared up at him helplessly. What could she do? Roman refused to allow her to see the children unless she went to the house alone, and she couldn’t risk it. Marlena thought for a moment and asked, “Was a mental evaluation ever done on Roman when he returned?”

“I don’t believe so. I feel like he returned, and I lost everything. He was back on the force within two weeks. He moved back in with the children within a week,” John said. “I wasn’t privy to the process, but it was fast.”

“That makes no sense! He was gone with Stefano for seven years!” Marlena exclaimed. “How could he be imprisoned and tortured for seven years, and the courts just gave him custody?” Even without the details, Marlena knew what Stefano was capable of. Having Roman for seven years meant that he’d tortured Roman the whole time, and he’d played with his mind as well. There was no way to come out of that without therapy, and be fine. Roman might never be fine.

“I fought it, Doc. I fought it, spending every last penny I had in my savings account. He was a cop, and I was an unknown variable,” John said. He paused for a moment, and said, “I think we should have CPS do a wellness check.”

“I think so too, and I want to go see Shawn and Caroline tomorrow, because I won’t have him abusing the children,” she said. “But what about tonight? Is he home tonight?”

“Carrie was going to have them sleep in her room. She’s going to tell them it’s a sleepover,” John said, still worrying about the abrupt way Carrie ended their call. “I was going to—”

“—call Shawn. Have him come over right now,” Marlena said with growing worry. “This can’t wait. I have a bad feeling about this. Roman’s behavior with you the other day, what he did with Avi, and me… plus now hurting Sami because of you… I need to talk to Shawn tonight.”

Chapter 23

John answered the door, and the first thing out of Shawn’s mouth was, “I came because ye asked me too, but ye know Roman—”

“–I don’t care, Shawn. He’s hurt Sami, and we’re going to talk about it!” Marlena stared at him with fierce eyes. John smiled watching her. That was his Marlena. Seeing a glimpse of her spark was the best thing he’d seen since her rescue.

Shawn was looking at a woman he recognized, and yet he didn’t recognize her at all. He hadn’t seen Marlena at all since she came to Salem. She kept herself sequestered in the loft, and the whole family had been warned off by Bo and Hope. Those two protected Marlena and Avi with a fierceness Shawn didn’t fully understand, but he respected it. “What do ye mean?”

John stepped forward, “Carrie called me a little bit ago. Sami has bruises on her arms where Roman grabbed her and shook her this morning. Normally, I wouldn’t want to drag you into this. We both know that Roman has been dragging you into everything over the last year, but this is about the safety of the Twinners.” 

     “Roman hurt Sami?” Shawn asked, but he knew it was true. Roman’s temper had been growing more explosive recently, especially since John had returned with Marlena. 

“Because she called me Daddy,” John said softly. 

He stared at Shawn waiting, and Shawn said, “I know ye got something rattling around in yer brain, John. Out with it. Ye got a plan of some sort, or ye wouldn’t have called me over here this late.”

John took a deep breath, “Doc and I are worried about the safety of the twins. We’re making a CPS call in the morning, for a wellness check. I’d like the officers to meet Carrie and the twins at the fish market. I’ve already spoken with Carrie, and she’s agreed to get the twins up, and out of the house early tomorrow. She’s bringing them to you.”

Marlena reached out to touch Shawn’s arm softly, “Don’t fight us on this, Shawn. Please? Not like how you’ve let Roman keep John away from the children–”

“–Doc,” John said softly. “It was for the best. I wanted them to have their family around them.”

“At your expense?” she cried. “Taking you away from them has caused damage we’ll be repairing for years!”

Shawn knew immediately what John meant, and he understood Marlena’s anger. He’d been a coward. “I’m sorry about that. I am. Roman came home, and we all thought if we supported him, and he got his life back… he could come back to us… but he hasn’t. Not really.”

“He hasn’t.. and Shawn he’s done some horrible things,” Marlena said softly. Her heart was racing and flashes of her time with Stefano started to assault her. She closed her eyes, and then whispered softly, “Horrible things.”

John wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, and he started rubbing her back gently. “We’re in Salem, Doc. You’re safe. You’re safe, and Avi, and Hope are safe. Tell me. Repeat it.”

“We’re safe,” she whispered. “I’m safe. Avi is safe… Hope is safe.”

“That’s right,” John said in a soothing tone.

Shawn watched them curiously, and he waited. The explanation took awhile, and Marlena hated watching Shawn’s face slowly collapse with the weight of Roman’s misdeeds, but he had to know. They told him everything – About Marlena’s time with Stefano, and the horrors she endured. About Roman thinking he’d killed Stefano, and not telling anyone about Avi’s existence. About John and Bo’s insistence that the ISA look for Marlena and Hope, even after Roman had refused to get involved. 

Shawn didn’t know how to react. Roman was his oldest son. The one who had always made him proud, but the man who came back to Salem after seven years with Stefano was bitter, and angry, intent on living a life filled with hate and rage. He blamed his family for so readily accepting John into their lives. Even with a pervading fear that he and Caroline might lose contact with the twins, he knew that Roman needed more help than they could ever give him. With a heavy sigh, he told them, “Whatever ye be wanting’ to do, me and Caroline, we be supportin’ ye. I won’t be havin’ the twins in danger because Roman’s taking out his hatred for John on them. The fact that he left yer boy behind… John, I’m sorry. I know it’s not me fault, but Roman’s me son, and I bear some responsibility in how he’s behavin’. I raised him.”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, before she said, “No one could ever truly understand what Stefano does to the people he sees as targets. Not unless they’ve been on the receiving end of his evil. Roman spent seven years with him… Roman needs help, but until he gets it, he’s a danger to everyone in his life, and that includes my children.”

Shawn glanced up towards the rounded metal staircase, and saw a small boy that looked just like John coming down carefully. He stared at his feet with every step, and he held on to the railing with a white knuckled grip. He couldn’t help but smile. 

Marlena and John turned towards the stairs when they heard Avi’s little feet descending. “Avi, baby, I thought you were asleep?” Marlena said, walking over to him. She leaned forward, as he raised his arms to her, and she picked him up. Kissing him softly on his mussed up hair, she whispered, “We have a visitor.” 

Shawn noticed he was wearing an old pair of Shawn D’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajamas. “I heard talking,” he replied in a sleepy voice. “And I wanted my Papá.”

“Oh, you want your Papá, do you?” Marlena said laughing, as she handed him over to John. Shawn couldn’t get over how much the child looked like John.

“Hey, little man,” John said quietly. “I want you to meet someone.” He walked over to where Shawn had stood up, and he stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to tell Avi to call him. Clearing his throat he said, “This is Shawn—”

“—I be your granddad,” Shawn interjected, staring at John. “I be your grandfather, Avi.”

Avi tipped his head to the side curiously, “My Yayo?”

Marlena smiled, and said, “Yes, Avi. Shawn is your Yayo.”

A sharp knock sounded on the loft door, followed by, “John! Mar! It’s Hope and Shawn D!”

Marlena glanced at the clock with a surprised look. It was too late and Hope sounded too frantic. She rushed towards the door, pulling it open, and Hope stood there drenched with rain, her son beside her equally wet. “Hope! What happened!”

Shawn D started crying, and Avi wriggled his way out of John’s arms. “He’s sad! He’s crying!” John let him go. There was no stopping Avi when he’d decided someone needed him.

Shawn stared at Hope in shock. “What’s going on?”

Hope pushed her wet hair back from her face, “Something happened with Roman. Carrie called the police, and then Abe called Bo. I’m not sure what happened, but Bo… he went to pick up the twins and Carrie.” She glanced at Shawn, “He’s bringing them to the fish market. We don’t have space on the boat, and Abe said they have to be removed from the house tonight. I came to tell you.”

Marlena started crying, and John asked Hope, “You don’t know anything?”

Hope was still gasping from running up the stairs because the elevator was too slow. “Abe didn’t give Bo any details over the phone, but if he’s calling Bo to pick them up–”

“–Roman hurt one of them,” John whispered in fury. “If Abe is having them removed from the house–” He paused, and then he said, “Carrie. It has to be something with Carrie.” The guilt washed over him, “I should have gotten them out of there tonight. I knew it was dangerous–”

Hope shrugged out of her waterlogged raincoat and hung it by the door, before she went to sit by Marlena. She pulled her against her, whispering, “Mar, honey… it’s okay. It’s okay. Bo’s getting them right now.” She smoothed her hands over Marlena’s soft blonde hair, saying in a soft voice, “Bo is getting them, and he won’t let anyone hurt them.”

Marlena knew it was true. She took a deep  shuddering breath, picturing Bo’s face in her minds eye, and she buried her face in Hope’s neck, as she wrapped her arms around Hope’s waist. Shawn watched it all with curiosity, but he didn’t say anything. He knew that Bo and Hope had been spending a lot of time at the loft, even some nights, but he didn’t question it. Hope and Marlena seemed to have a bond he didn’t understand, but they’d been captive together for two years. 

“Papá, I’m going to take Shawn D to change his clothes,” Avi said. “Because he’s cold.”

“Go change,” John said. “Avi get the towel off of the towel warmer in the bathroom and toss it down to me will you?”

“Yes, Papá.” Avi took Shawn D’s hand in his, and said, “Come on.”

John waited at the bottom of the stairs, for Avi to throw the towel down, glancing over when Shawn said, “Caroline is going to be scared out of her mind. I best be gettin’ home, so I can be there when Bo gets there.”

Marlena lifted her tear filled eyes, as she begged Shawn, “Please… will you have Bo call me. I need to know what happened.”

“I will,” he said. “As soon as I see him, I’ll have him call.”

“Papá! Catch the towel,” Avi cried from upstairs, just as a heavy, navy blue towel hit John in the face. 

Shawn was heading out the loft door, followed by John when he glanced back, and saw Marlena pulling Hope’s shirt up over her head. He turned away quickly. 

John followed Shawn into the hallway, and he said softly, “Thank you for coming over, and thank you for always being there for the children. They need stability in their lives, and I’m so grateful they have you and Caroline. Bo and I are doing our best to help Marlena, Hope, and Avi work through their trauma. I’m so appreciative of the fact that my kids have you.”

Shawn didn’t miss John’s referencing the child as his kids, but he didn’t correct him either. Quietly he asked, “Marlena and Hope–”

“–Marlena and Hope have been through trauma that Bo and I will never understand. That is something they share, and it’s something that has created a deep bond. We don’t question it.” John watched Shawn register what he was saying, and then he said softly, “We love them through it, but I believe they will always be closer than most people are comfortable with.”

“And that don’t be botherin’ you?” Shawn asked, glancing at the loft door.

“I have Marlena back in my life, and I have Avi. Bo mourned Hope for two years… you saw his grief. We’re not questioning it. They love us deeply, but there is a love between them that was forged in the fires of hell.” John stared at Shawn, making sure he understood what John was intimating. “It doesn’t bother us.”

“Aye,” Shawn said softly. “I understand.” And he did. He’d seen things in his life he’d rather never discuss. His life back in Ireland being one of them. If John and Bo were accepting it, so was he.

Inside the loft, Marlena dropped Hope’s shirt onto the floor beside them, and then leaned forward rubbing the warm thick towel over Hope’s hair. Hope flapped her arms laughing, “I’m not a child, Mar! I can dry my own hair!”

“Well, running out without an umbrella, and not bothering to zip your raincoat seems rather immature to me,” Marlena told her, refusing to let up. After she’d towel dried Hope’s hair, she wrapped the towel around her shoulders, and then cupped her face in her palms. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, Mar,” Hope said softly. “I was petrified, and all I could think was that I had to get to you. You would have done the same thing.”

It was true. If Shawn D were ever in danger, Marlena would do whatever she could to get to Hope – to offer her comfort. Marlena kissed her softly, “You are amazing, you know that?”

“You used to find me irritating,” Hope laughed. “Do you remember that crush I had on Roman? It had to drive you mad that I followed him around the way I did.”

Marlena remembered Hope as a teenager, and all the trouble she’d caused. She laughed softly, “You were a wild, stubborn girl, Hope Williams… but you were always quick to stand up for what you believed in, even if it got you in trouble. I worried about you back then, but I can respect that you were doing what you thought was right most of the time, and you’ve grown into such an amazing woman… an amazing friend. My best friend.”

“I thought John was your best friend?” Hope asked with a grin

“John is… but so are you.” Marlena stared into her green eyes, “Don’t forget that.”

Chapter 24

Abe was in shock. He’d just watched his best friend get arrested. Roman had yelled and screamed that it was all a misunderstanding, but the bruise on Carrie’s cheek, and her black eyes said otherwise. He had a female officer upstairs with the children as Carrie helped them pack overnight bags to take to their grandparents house. He took a deep breath and rubbed his palms over his face, asking himself softly,  “What the fuck is going on?”

“I’d like to know the same thing,” Bo said as he entered the house. “Where are the kids, and where the fuck is Roman?”

Abe sighed, not exactly sure where his overwhelming sense of guilt was coming from. He looked at Bo, and saw him almost shaking with rage. “Roman was arrested. Carrie and the twins are upstairs packing bags with a few changes of clothing and some toiletries.”

Bo glanced up the stairs,  “You wouldn’t tell me over the phone, Abe, so tell me what the hell is going on before the kids come down here. I don’t want to even discuss it in front of the twins.”

“Carrie called 911. They dispatched an officer over here, and Roman answered the door, saying there was nothing wrong, and it had been a simple miscommunication. The officer asked to see Carrie, and Roman refused. He said she was asleep… he was trying to close the door when Carrie came running down the stairs crying – that’s when I arrived.” Abe was still trying to process what had happened. “Carrie ran towards me crying, and then she was followed by Sami and Eric. I had Officer McMullen detain Roman, and then I questioned Carrie–”

“–Abe! Just get to the point!” Bo cried. “What happened?”

“Roman hit Carrie,” Abe said sadly. “He hit her hard. More than once I think. Her jaw is bruised, her eye as well… and it seems that a blood vessel was ruptured which makes it look worse than it–”

“He fucking punched her?” Bo asked.

“We don’t know that for sure,” Abe hedged. “Carrie said he hit her–”

“Stop making excuses for him, Abe! You’ve been doing it for a whole fucking year!” Bo glanced towards the stairs again, “Has she been checked by EMT’s?”

“No,” Abe said. “The injury looks pretty straight forward–”

“–I can’t fucking believe this,” Bo muttered striding towards the telephone. He dialed John’s loft, and waited. When he heard John’s voice on the other end, he said, “John, you are not going to fucking believe this shit. Roman hit Carrie… hard enough to leave bruising. No one has seen her… yeah… yeah, man… okay. Yeah, meet me at the fish market.” He hung up the phone, and then glared at Abe, “John will be taking Carrie to the hospital.”

Abe tried to defend his actions, “Look, Bo–”

“–you have no idea, Abe! You have no fucking idea what’s been going on! So, I don’t want to hear your excuses. This is a domestic battery case, and it should have been handled just like any other domestic battery case!” Bo leaned forward, saying in a rough voice, “You didn’t follow protocol, because it’s a fellow officer… and that is a fucking load of bullshit.”

Abe had never in his life seen Bo as angry as he was right then. As they waited for Carrie and the twins to get their things together, Bo filled Abe in on everything that had taken place over the last few months. It was an abbreviated version, but the details were accurate.

Abe stared at Bo in shock. How had he been so wrong? How had he failed so miserably? Abe had been more than surprised to learn that Marlena had been planning a CPS call in regards to Roman’s treatment of the twins. After what had transpired, there was no doubt that the twins would be removed from Roman’s care. 

Abe suddenly understood everything. He had received a subpoena from John and Marlena’s lawyer just that morning. Diane Miller wanted Roman’s time card records. The problem was that they wouldn’t be accurate because Roman often worked off of the clock when the station refused to pay overtime. When he’d asked Roman about the request, he’d been fed an angry, animosity filled rant about John Black. Now he stood staring at Bo as if he was completely clueless about what was happening with someone who worked for him. He was clueless. Roman had been lying to him for months, and he’d believed it all.

After staring at the floor for what felt like ages, Abe finally looked up at Bo, “He knew about John and Marlena’s child, and he left him behind?”

“I know it’s hard to believe, Abe… but he did. He should have… we all should have made him get help when he came home. After learning what Stefano did to Marlena… after seeing the effects first hand, and the things Hope has told me, I can’t imagine what Stefano might have put Roman through,” Bo said softly. “We should have gotten him help. Instead we let him go around for the last year, spreading lies about John, and taking his anger out on everyone around him. All of this… especially him hurting Carrie and Sami, it’s just as much our fault as his!”

Abe was confused. “Roman didn’t even mention Marlena and John had a child, and they’ve been back a little over a week.”

“Why would he? He’s been trying to pretend Avi didn’t exist ever since he learned of the boy’s existence!” Bo walked over to the French doors, and then turned back to Abe. “His name is Abraham, by the way. Marlena named him after you.”

Abe had no words for how low he felt. Bo was right. Roman had shown them all signs that he needed help. That he wasn’t okay, but they had all ignored it, hoping that, with time, he would get better. Roman hurting Sami and Carrie could have been prevented, if only they hadn’t allowed Roman to bully his way through the last year. 

He smiled wanly, as if he didn’t deserve the honor, “Abraham?”

Bo sighed heavily, brushing his hair back from his face. He didn’t owe Abe an explanation, but he still said, “They call him Avi. He looks exactly like John… and he acts exactly like Marlena. He has her gentle nature. He loves Shawn D, and Shawn D loves him like no other. They are so protective over each other.” Bo paused as he thought about it. Avi and Shawn D’s relationship had many of the hallmarks that Marlena and Hope’s friendship had.  “And Hope… well, Hope would claw someone’s eyes out if they even looked at Avi crooked. She loves him like he’s her own. He’s an amazing kid, Abe.”

“You know, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but John’s lawyer subpoenaed Roman’s time card records for the last year,” Abe said.

“She’s a hellcat. John found a lawyer who goes for the throat. Diane Miller will not let this go,” Bo said. “I don’t know where he found her, but Roman won’t win this. If I’m being honest, he shouldn’t win this, Abe. I understand being loyal to your friends, and even being loyal to family… but in this case, John is my family too, and what Roman has done is inexcusable. Carrie has been raising the twins for the last year, and she’s eighteen. That’s not her responsibility. Now, he’s put his hand on these kids in anger. That’s not forgivable.”

Abe had allowed Roman to get into his head. He’d allowed Roman to create distrust where there shouldn’t have been any. He sighed, “I know. I know that’s true. He’s at work more than he’s anywhere else, and I’ve asked him about it before, but he just brushes me off.” He felt like a fool. “You’re right. We’ve all been blind to what Roman’s been doing, at the expense of John, and at the expense of Sami, Eric, and Carrie.”

“You know, at one time, John was your best friend. Maybe you need to consider that.” Bo turned towards the stairs when he heard Sami’s small voice ask Carrie, “And we can stay at Grandma and Grandpa’s now… we don’t have to stay with him no more?”

Carrie’s face hurt when she spoke, but still she said softly, “I don’t think so. I think we’re going to stay with them for now.” They rounded the corner, and Carrie was surprised to see her Uncle Bo standing at the bottom of the stairs. Ever since Abe had questioned her, she’d held her emotions in check, refusing to allow them out. She felt as if she were holding back a maelstrom, but as she glanced warily at Abe she knew why. She could hear his voice, “Are you sure you didn’t do something to set him off?” Looking back towards her Uncle, she fell off the last step into his arms with a cry of, “I’m so glad you’re here!”

Abe wasn’t sure he could regret anymore, but he felt it wash over him when Carrie looked at him, her eyes shining with mistrust. He’d done that. 

Bo sank to his knees in front of Sami and Eric, and he felt his own eyes sting with tears as Sami said, “I hate him. I hate Mr. Patrick, and I never want to see him again.”

Eric simply cried. He didn’t have any words for what he was feeling except to sob softly, “I want my Daddy.”

No clarification was needed. Daddy was John, and Bo knew that. “As soon as we get to the fish market, we’re going to see your Daddy. I promise.”

“He’s there?” Sami asked, wiping her eyes. Bo smiled at her, thinking she looked just like her mother. “Can he take us home?”

“Not yet. Not yet, but he’s waiting.” He wiped Sami’s hair off of her forehead, and he touched Eric’s cheek softly. “Go get in the Jeep. I’ll be out.”

Carrie watched the twins take their bags, and rush towards the front door. She moved to follow them, but Bo stopped her. “Your Dad is going to take you to the hospital.”

“I’m fine,” she whispered. But she knew she wasn’t. Her head was pounding, and her vision was blurry. Over the last year she’d gotten so used to depending on herself, she didn’t even know how to accept help when it was offered.

Bo looked down at her, and he repeated, “Your Dad is going to take you to the hospital.”

Carrie couldn’t help the tears that started to fall. “Okay.”

Bo watched her exit through the front door, and his anger was back in full force. Turning on Abe, he said, “Did you see what I just saw? The damage to her face? He fucking punched her!”

Abe couldn’t say anything. Over the next few days he would find himself rethinking a lot of what he had believed over the last year, and the faith he’d once held in his best friend would be utterly destroyed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marcus Hunter stood in front of the x-rays that had been taken of Carrie’s face, and he pointed at a small hairline fracture with his ink pen. “That line right there… that is a small fracture near the orbit of the zygomatic bone. Very small, so it doesn’t require any treatment besides time to heal.” Marcus turned off the light on the display, and turned to face John and Carrie. “It also explains the blurry vision, and the burst blood vessels in your eye.”

“What about a concussion?” John asked. “Do we need to look for anything?”

“The force required to put a hairline fracture in a facial bone is quite extensive. It’s a guarantee that she also has a concussion, although the treatment is the same. Rest.” Marcus looked at Carrie with sadness, and said, “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

As much as it hurt, she stared at Marcus, and replied firmly, “I’m not. I’d rather it be me than one of the twins… and now–now we know what he was capable of.”

“It doesn’t make it any easier,” Marcus said gently. He’d suffered his fair share of abuse as a child. Even though he hated his father, and he expected the abuse. It broke his heart every single time it happened. “He’s your father, and–”

“–he’s not,” Carrie said, glancing at John. “My father is the man who brought me in here tonight. Roman is not my father.”

It was once Marcus had left the room, that John went to stand near the end of the gurney where Carrie was sitting. He stared at her for a moment, and then he opened his arms, allowing her to fall against him with a soft sob. She rested her cheek on his chest, and John softly rubbed his palms along her spine. “What happened tonight, Punkin?”

“He said the twins couldn’t sleep in my room,” she told him. “I insisted, but he kept yelling that he was the adult. I got angry. I got so angry, and I told him if he was an adult then he shouldn’t be bullying children. I told him I knew what he’d done to Sami, and we were going to leave. We were going to the fish market… I tried to walk away, but he grabbed me, and I tried to pull my arm away. He wouldn’t let go, and when I looked at him… I didn’t even recognize him.”

John whispered, “I’m so sorry, Punkin’. I’m so very sorry.”

“I’m so tired,” she whispered, feeling her tears soak the t-shirt beneath her cheek. “I’m so tired of having to be so grown up all the time.”

John leaned back, cupping her shoulders in his hands, “Not anymore. I promise. Marlena and I are working to fix this for you.”

Carrie started crying even harder as relief washed over her. “I love you so much, Daddy.”

Chapter 25

The telephone rang, and Avi picked it up, “Hello?”

“Hello?” Shane asked, slightly surprised to hear such a young voice on the line. “Avi?”

His chest puffed up slightly, even though no one was there to see it. “Yes. I’m Avi. Who are you?”

Shane couldn’t help smiling. He’d been on assignment for weeks, so he hadn’t been able to touch base with John since his return to Salem with Marlena and Avi. “Hello Avi. I’m Shane Donovan, I was the one—”

“Donatello!” the boy said excitedly, jumping on his tip toes. He remembered that man. “I remember you! You helped save us from Shredder!”

Shane was immediately confused, “Um… No. It’s Shane Donovan. Can I speak to your mother or father?”

“My Mama is at the hospital with Bo, cause Hope’s Grandma Alice got sick, but my Papá is awake.” Avi’s words came out in a high pitched, child-like rush. Before Shane could respond, Avi told him, “Hold on, and I can get him.” 

The telephone was dropped loudly on a table with a clatter, and Shane held the receiver away from his ear. After the pounding of footsteps across the floor it was silent. Until he faintly heard Avi yelling to someone, “Donatello’s on the phone!”

“Who in the bloody hell is Donatello?” he muttered.

John rinsed the shampoo from his hair quickly, knowing immediately that it was Shane on the telephone. Avi had taken to calling the ISA agents who saved them from Stefano, by the names assigned to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He turned off the water, and then his hand fumbled around outside of the shower door in search of his robe. Glancing at Avi he asked, “Did you call him Donatello?”

“Yes!” Avi said with a large smile as if he were proud of himself.

John laughed, knowing that he was going to have to explain mutant, pizza-obsessed turtles with ninja skills to Shane. “Run back out in the hallway, and tell Donatello that I’ll be there in a moment.” 

“Okay.” Avi sprinted from the bathroom, and John got out of the shower, and slipped into his bathrobe.

Back in the hallway, Avi lifted the telephone back up, and said, “Donatello?”

“Yes, hello, Avi. Did you get your father?” Shane asked him.

“He’s putting clothes on, because he was in the shower, and that means he was naked, but he was getting done when I got there, only he was still naked, and that’s no clothes on, but he said to tell you that he’s going to come,” Avi said, all in one sentence. “He’s coming.”

Shane started laughing, and marveled at the change in Avi since he had seen him last. The child that he had rescued from San Cristobal had been frightened into an almost catatonic silence. The boy on the telephone was bubbly, talkative, and engaging. “Okay. That’s fine, I can wait.”

Avi was excited to have Donatello on the phone, and so he asked him, “Do you know the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?”

“I’m not familiar with them, no,” Shane said.

“Well, they are turtles, but they are mutants too. Master Splinter raised them – he’s a rat – and the bad guy is Shredder. The turtles are named after artists. Did you know that? They eat pizza a lot, because they like pizza. I love pizza, but I never had it until we came here. I especially like the pizza with cheese and sausage, but my Mama doesn’t like sausage, so she gets mushrooms, and onions… Master Splinter taught them ninja skills. I want to be a ninja, and Shawn D is gonna be a ninja too. My Papá said I can take karate if I want, and I think I do want to, because, if I know karate, then bad guys can’t hurt me or my Mama,” Avi said. “Bad guys like Shredder. They can’t hurt us because I’ll be able to fight them.”

“I think karate sounds like a very good thing to learn,” Shane said, his head spinning from a five year olds description of pizza eating mutant turtles with ninja abilities.

John stepped out into the hallway, intent on rescuing Shane from a very talkative Avi. Their eyes met, and Avi said, “Oh, wait, Donatello… my Papá is here now.”

John reached for the phone, telling Avi, “Go get dressed, son. We’ve got to head over to the hospital soon. Lifting the receiver to his ear, he said, “Hey, Shane.”

“Why does Avi keep calling me Donatello?” Shane asked immediately.

John couldn’t help the burst of laughter that escaped him. “It’s a cartoon Shawn D got him into. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It’s a long story, but, because you fight bad guys, you’re now Donatello.” 

“Andrew likes lego’s,” Shane said blandly. “I don’t know if I could handle superhero mutant turtles.”

“The kid has an active imagination. For future reference, Stefano is now known as Shredder,” John said. “Also, you should probably get the backstory on the turtles–”

“–I believe I just got that,” Shane said with a laugh. “They were mutant turtles, who have ninja skills, raised by a rat… correct?”

“Ah, so Avi caught you up?” John asked with another laugh.

“Yes, he did, and I’ll keep that filed away for future use I’m sure,” Shane said with a chuckle. “Look, John, I’m calling because I wanted you to know that Stefano was released from the ISA hospital in Norfolk three days ago. He’s completely paralyzed from the neck down, although he’s conscious. The insulin Marlena injected him with caused severe seizures, which led to oxygen deprivation, and permanent brain damage as well as muscular damage. He’ll never walk again.”

“The bastard should have died, but at least Doc will know she isn’t a murderer. Where is he now?” John asked, already trying to formulate a plan to end him.

“He’s been taken to his home in New Orleans, a plantation house called Maison Blanche,” Shane said. “The ISA has people watching him constantly, although his daughter was not thrilled about the constant oversight. It was the condition of him being released. His medical condition is too fragile to imprison him, so he will have ISA agents guarding him around the clock.”

John sighed, running his fingers through his wet hair. Maison Blanche… why did that sound so familiar? An image of a large white house with pillars flashed in his mind. “Maison Blanche? His daughter? Wait, Shane, did you know he had a daughter?”

“No, none of us did. That wasn’t part of the ISA record, although it is now. Her name is Kristen Blake. She has a brother named Peter. Apparently she and her brother were raised by Stefano after the death of their mother, and their father had died less than a year before that. Stefano is under her care now,” Shane said. “She’s not the most welcoming person, and any mention of you seems to make her furious.”

“Me?” John asked. “She doesn’t even know me.”

“I believe she’s been fed lies by Stefano her whole life.” Shane was quiet for a moment, “She seems to have a lot of misinformation about who you are, and your relationship to the DiMera family.”

John was silent for a few moments before he said, “I appreciate you calling, but honestly Shane… the bastard should have died.” After hanging up the phone, John checked on Avi, and then went to get dressed. Stefano was in New Orleans, and while he might be alive currently, John had made a promise to Marlena, and to himself, that Stefano wouldn’t be alive for long. The man was a blight on the world, and John was going to kill him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena held Hope’s hand in hers as they left Alice’s hospital room. Hope glanced back, watching as her grandfather sat down taking Alice’s hand in his. He looked so frail, and Hope had always considered them to be the strongest people in her life. It had never really crossed her mind to think about losing them. As with everyone, she knew it was inevitable, but seeing her grandmother in that hospital bed had really driven home the point that life was fragile. 

She could feel the tremble in her muscles, and the tightness in her chest that was growing with intensity. Her grandmother’s pale face kept flashing in her mind, and then she kept seeing Marlena sobbing in their bed in San Cristobal. She shook her head, trying to get her thoughts straight, but the feeling that she could lose her grandmother, that her grandfather could be alone for the rest of his life – it had her fearing that she could lose Bo, or Marlena, or Shawn D. That crushing depression that she had felt for years came rushing back so quickly it almost crippled her.

Marlena sensed it was coming before Hope did. She felt the tremble in her hand, and when she glanced over she noticed that Hope’s eyes had gone wide in fear. “Hope,” she whispered, pulling her towards an unoccupied room. “Hope, honey…” Marlena glanced around helplessly. She needed Bo, but he had gone to drop Shawn D off with Kim. 

Opening the door to the darkened room, Marlena pulled Hope inside, murmuring, “Hey. Hope, honey, I need you to breathe for me.”

“I can’t lose her,” she gasped. “I can’t. I just got her back… oh, G-d! What would I do? What if I lost Bo, or Shawn D… or… oh, G-d! Mar! What if I lost you?”

“You’re not going to lose me,” Marlena whispered softly. Her hands cupped Hope’s face gently, and she could feel her hot tears underneath her fingers. “I’m here. I will always be here. Bo will be here soon. I promise. He’s coming.”

Hope fell back against the nearby wall gasping, “I keep thinking… we could lose it all at any moment. Life is so fucking fragile, and I can’t… I can’t seem to cope.” She stared at Marlena unable to fully emote what she was thinking. She was in love with two people. She would be in love with two people for the rest of her life. She closed her eyes, scrunching them tightly to try and alleviate some of the pain in her body. The pain of loss ached so deeply, but she hadn’t lost anyone yet. She didn’t understand it.

“Hey.” Marlena moved directly in front of her, and wiped gently at her eyes. “Honey, you’ve got to calm down… for the baby.”

Hope stopped moving as she stared up into Marlena’s amber eyes, “I could lose this baby.”

“You’re not going to lose the baby,” she whispered. “That’s not going to happen.”

“But it could,” Hope sobbed softly. “I could lose Bo’s baby.”

Marlena brushed the hair back from Hope’s forehead, softly cooing, “Just breathe with me. Deep breaths. Do you remember how we used to breathe together?”

Hope nodded softly, staring at Marlena as if she were the tether to her sanity. She took a shaky breath, and then reached her hand up to cup Marlena’s neck, pulling her closer. Their foreheads rested against each other as she released her held breath. Together they took another one, as Marlena whispered, “That’s it, baby. Just like that, and let it out… I know you’re scared. I’m scared. This new life we have… it’s going to take some time to adjust to.”

“I can’t lose you,” Hope whispered. “I can’t lose my grandma… I–I can’t–”

“–you won’t,” Marlena responded softly. “Honey, you won’t, I promise… I promise… I promise.”

Hope laced her fingers into Marlena’s soft, silken hair, and tugged her forward, gasping softly, “I’m floating. I can’t… seem to think…I’m–I’m scared…” She was losing touch with time and place, and she could feel herself disassociating. “I need…”

Marlena kissed her. She pushed herself against Hope’s small frame, and she kissed her, whispering, “Come back.”

But instead Hope sobbed, “I’m so afraid.” Her fingers clenched even more tightly in Marlena’s hair. 

“I’m here,” Marlena gasped, between soft nips of her pillowy lips. “I’m here, Hope. I’m here.”

The door to the room opened, and a shaft of light was cast across the floor. Bo stood in the doorway staring at Marlena and Hope in surprise. Marlena looked up at him, and he could see they were both crying. Part of him wanted to run, to get away from whatever was happening in that moment, because he didn’t understand it. But then his heart almost broke when he heard Hope sob out raggedly, “Bo!” Her hand fell from Marlena’s hair as she reached for him.

Marlena stepped back quickly, saying barely above a whisper, “She needs you.”

He still didn’t understand, but he felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and loneliness when he watched Marlena leave the room without another word. Turning towards his wife, he rushed towards her as she started to fall. He caught her in his arms, and then lifted her body up from the floor. He didn’t say anything as he carried her over to the bed. He wasn’t sure what to say.

Hope cried against his neck, “I’m scared.”

And he knew what she was scared about. She was scared of losing Alice, but more than that, she was scared of life. She was scared to live her life, because she was so utterly afraid of losing everyone she loved. He glanced over at the closed door, and realized that included Marlena. He wasn’t sure what he’d walked in on, but he had an idea. 

As he stared down at Hope, he came to an understanding within himself. John was right. It didn’t matter what anyone thought. Marlena and Hope would always need each other, and maybe he didn’t understand it fully, but he was starting to. Even without an explanation, he knew what had happened. Marlena had pulled Hope back from the brink, and all he could do was hold his wife, and be grateful. He was so fucking grateful.

Outside in the hallway, John saw Marlena exit the room. Turning to Avi, he said, “Hey, slugger. Run back to the nurses station, and tell Carrie you get to hang out with her for a little bit.”

Avi’s eyes lit up, “I do?” He took off at a run before John could even respond.

In a few long strides he’d reached her, and Marlena fell into his arms. Her body went almost limp, and he wrapped himself around her tightly, lifting her and stepping into a corner near a potted ficus. He glanced around, and then whispered, “Are you okay?”

She wasn’t sure what to say, so she choked out abruptly, “I kissed Hope.”

“Did she need to be kissed?” he asked her softly.

“She’s–she’s scared. She’s disassociating, and she’s afraid everyone is going to die… and Bo wasn’t here… so I did what I used to do… I–I kissed her.” Marlena rested her cheek on John’s chest, rubbing her face over his shirt. She could feel her tears soaking the fabric, leaving a damp smear across her skin. “She’s so scared. Of life. She’s afraid to live… I’m afraid to live, and we can’t–we can’t keep being afraid.”

“What can I do to help you right now, baby? What do you need from me?”

She lifted her face up to his, stroking his jaw gently, and she whispered, “This. I need this. I need you. I need your love, and your support. I need our family.”

They both looked up when Bo exited the room a few feet away. Marlena glanced at the floor, and John watched Bo with wary eyes, as Bo watched Marlena. 

“Hope wants to go home,” Bo said softly, still looking at Marlena. She glanced up at him, and he saw her red rimmed eyes, and the sadness that seemed to perpetually live in her eyes. It lived in Hope’s eyes too. “To the loft.”

John nodded his head once, “Okay. Let’s go.”

Chapter 26

John put his left hand over his left ear, and tried to focus on what Victor was saying as he adjusted the telephone receiver against his ear. Avi and Shawn D were chasing each other around the kitchen island while screaming, each with a turtle figurine in their small hands. Hope was back in the laundry room with both machines going, while Marlena yelled towards the stairs, “Bo! Did you want coffee?”

“Coffee?” Bo’s feet clanged on the metal stairs as he descended with a smile, “I’d love some!”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. What was that Victor?” John wanted to laugh. It was everything he’d wanted over the last year. Family, connections… but he wouldn’t deny that the loft was small, and after his meeting with an architect, there was no way to make the changes he’d hoped to make and keep the building structurally sound. He’d mentioned it to Victor when he’d seen him at an EcoSystems board meeting a few days earlier. 

Victor smiled to himself. What he heard was the noise of a family. It reminded him of his childhood in Greece. It reminded him of what he’d always wanted for himself. Bo was his only surviving child, and even after everything that he and John had been through in their past, he saw John as family as well. What they were trying to make he fully supported. Families in Greece often lived together in large family compounds. Speaking slightly louder he said, “I have a property that connects to mine. I purchased it several years ago hoping that Ned and Adrienne might use it. It’s been sitting empty, but it’s been maintained. I’m offering to your family.”

“Victor…” John was surprised, and slightly overwhelmed. He knew which house Victor was speaking of. Isabella had shown it to him once, saying that Victor had offered it to her, but at the time it was much too large for what they needed. He glanced around at his family – Avi and Shawn D on the floor with their turtles, Marlena and Bo drinking coffee, and Hope entering the room with a large basket of warm towels.

“Shawn D, Avi,” Hope said breathlessly, sitting the basket on the couch. “Come help me fold the towels.”

“Look, John,” Victor said with emotion. “Isabella is gone, and you have a chance to start over. I want to do this for you… and for my son.” Bo wouldn’t accept anything from him without encouragement, which was why he couldn’t directly make the offer to him. 

John knew what Victor wasn’t saying. He glanced at Bo when he started laughing at something Marlena said. A soft blush came over her cheeks, and Hope said loudly, “Brady! Stop teasing Mar!”

“Teasing?” he laughed. “She’s the one that–”

Marlena leaned forward smacking Bo’s arm lightly, “Shut up, Bo Brady!”

“Mama said shut up!” Avi cried. “I’m not allowed to say shut up!”

“Your mother is an adult,” Hope laughed, tossing a towel in his face. “Now fold!”

John couldn’t help smiling. He recently found himself smiling so often that his cheeks would ache with it, and he knew this was a different kind of happiness. The only thing that would make it better would be finally having Carrie, Sami, and Eric with them. “Thank you, Victor. I’ll talk to Marlena, Hope, and Bo about it, and see what they think,” John said into the telephone. All three of them stopped what they were doing, and stared at him. “Can I call you back tomorrow?”

“Certainly. Speak with them, and let me know,” Victor said before hanging up.

“Talk to us about what?” Marlena asked as she walked around the kitchen island.

“If it’s something to do with Victor, I don’t trust it,” Bo said as he finished his coffee. “That man always has an ulterior motive.”

John sighed softly, running his hands over his face, “I think right now it’s loneliness. Losing Isabella hit him harder than he’s let on… he wants family.”

“Family?” Bo snorted. “John, are you serious right now, man?”

Marlena stepped closer to Bo, and laid her hand on his arm gently, “Think about it, Bo. You’re the only child he has left, and he’s getting older–”

“–and that suddenly matters now?”

“Maybe,” she said softly. His face was lined with pain. He’d never fully dealt with his mothers affair, and the lie she’d perpetuated for the entirety of his childhood. Caroline had carried that lie into his adulthood. Finding out that Victor was his father was something that Bo had never faced. “Maybe losing Isabella has impacted him more than you know? He was close with her wasn’t he?”

Bo’s expression softened, and he admitted quietly, “Yeah. He was.” Isabella had let Victor into her life, which was something his anger had never allowed him to do. Glancing at John, he said, “Losing Isabella was like losing a light in the world.”

Hope crossed the room. “It seems too good to be true, but Bo… maybe it’s a way for us all to stay together, and get the space we need. Maybe Victor could be in Shawn D’s life.”

“You know he’s going to want to be involved, and I’m not sure I want that.” Bo looked at Marlena next to him, her hand warm on his arm, and then into his wife’s green eyes. Across the room, John watched him. He sighed with resignation, “I don’t even know what that place looks like.”

Avi was the one who was suddenly excited, “A house? A big house? For all of us to live in?”

Shawn D stared at his father trying to get a read on his emotions, “Papa?”

“We can look at it.” Bo stared at his son, waiting for his lead, and he said, “I’m not promising anything.” He couldn’t say no. Marlena and Hope looked at him with such hope in their eyes, and John was waiting. He knew if he said no, John would support him, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to say no. He smiled at Hope, “We can look at it, Fancy Face, but no promises.”

Hope threw her arms around Bo’s neck, whispering, “Thank you. Thank you.” It was more than the house. It was the unspoken promise of them all staying together. He was going to try and make it work, and that meant more to her than the house.

Bo wrapped his arms around Hope, kissing her cheek gently. He glanced over at Marlena, and she touched his face lightly. “Thank you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John came out of the bathroom with a towel slung low around his hips. He saw Marlena sitting on the end of the bed looking gorgeous with a messy bun, while wearing his sweatpants and a large Salem P.D. t-shirt. He came closer, reaching out to twine a strand of her loose hair around his finger. “You look gorgeous, Doc.”

She couldn’t help the shy smile that came over her face. She sometimes wondered how fate had managed to turn her life back around. How had she gone from the deepest recesses of her mind to find light in John Black’s arms again? Reaching up, she took his hand in hers, “I love you.”

He wanted to kiss her. He hadn’t kissed her for weeks, not since their encounter in front of the fireplace in Washington. He stepped closer, tipping her face up, as he stared down into her eyes. He was looking for a sign. Some sort of acknowledgement that she wanted the same thing he wanted.

She saw it. His eyes had gone dark as midnight, and her heart skipped in her chest. Her lips parted slightly, and she leaned forward, balancing herself on the edge of the bed on her palms. A soft whisper escaped her, “John…”

He leaned forward, brushing his lips across hers with a soft sigh. She tasted like ambrosia, a meal fit for the gods. He rubbed his nose alongside hers, and then held his cheek against hers for a moment before stepping back.

Marlena’s heart raced as she reached for him. She wanted more, but she was so afraid to ask for it. What if she was moving too fast again? She thought about what she’d said to John at the hospital. Was she afraid to live? Was she holding herself back? She stayed silent as she watched John cross the room to pull out another pair of sweatpants.

His whole body was trembling, but he held back. He wouldn’t rush her. Casually he said, “You know, I was talking to Bo this afternoon about rejoining the force.”

Marlena glanced up quickly, “You were?”

“I’m not a businessman, Doc. I wouldn’t get rid of EcoSystem’s because it was Isabella’s dream, but I just… I’m not happy running the day to day operations. I want the excitement, the intrigue…”

Marlena laughed lightly, “The intrigue?”

“You know what I mean. Running a business… it’s not fast paced enough. It’s not challenging. There’s no camaraderie,” he said. He turned away from her, and removed his damp towel, dropping it on the floor beside him.

She couldn’t take her eyes off of his body. Scanning over him, she felt a tremble inside, and she waited for the sick feeling of disgust that always followed, but it never came. John turned around, and caught her looking at him. Realizing that he’d caught her, she blushed, and shook her head slightly. “Would that make you happy?”

He picked up his towel, and tossed it into the hamper. “I want the life we once had. I want to work down at the cop shop, and I want to get rid of stuffy suits. I want to come home after a long day to you and the kids, and I want to challenge myself.”

“It’s dangerous,” she said softly.

“It can be,” he replied. If she was adamantly against it, he wouldn’t do it, but that was the direction his heart was leading him. “Things are going sideways down there. I feel like I have to at least try.”

“What did Bo say when you discussed it?” she asked him softly.

“He said he’s been thinking of getting rid of his P.I. business, and doing the same thing. We actually surprised each other when the subject came up.” John sat down beside her on the bed, and took her hand in his. “Look, Doc, I won’t do it if you–”

“We were happy then… you were happy then.” She smiled up at him. “You would come home at the end of a long day, or after a successful stakeout, and there would be such light in your eyes. You loved being a cop.”

“I did,” he said, thinking about how his life had been ripped away from him a little more than a year earlier. “I didn’t give it up willingly.”

Marlena stared at their hands, and watched herself lace their fingers together. “Have you looked into it?” 

John touched her cheek gently, and she looked up at him with her honey and amber eyes. “I wanted to speak with you first.”

“You don’t have an obligation to me,” she whispered, staring into his eyes. He pulled her in in a way she couldn’t explain.

“I’d like to,” he whispered back. He leaned forward, lifting his free hand to settle on the curve of her shoulder. “I want to kiss you again.” She didn’t speak, but the pink tip of her tongue licked over her bottom lip. John groaned, “Doc, please.”

“Green,” she sighed, closing her eyes. His mouth landed on hers, soft and firm. He wasn’t aggressive, but he left no doubt about how much he wanted her. She couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped her. In an attempt to ground herself, she reached for him, her warm hand coming to rest on his chest. 

John licked across her bottom lip. It was soft and pillowy, and he gasped against her mouth, “Marlena!”

Leaning against him, her fingernails scratched at his skin, and her fingers pulled at his chest hair. John pulled back slightly, breathing heavily as he stared down at her, “Just kissing. Only kissing tonight.”

“More,” she begged breathlessly. 

John stood up, turning off the bedroom light, and he walked back towards her. “Get up on the bed, baby. I’m going to kiss you for the next hour.” He came closer as she stood up, and he trailed his fingers across her cheek softly, whispering, “I’ll kiss you in every way imaginable, but tonight… only kisses.”

His words made the ache inside her grow, and yet his promise left her feeling reassured. Only kissing. Marlena stared up at him, and yearned for his mouth on hers. She stared up at him lost in her own emotions.

John watched her for a moment, and then he leaned close to her ear. He reached out, swatting her ass softly, and he repeated, “Up on the bed, baby girl.”

Her knees went weak, and she swayed towards him, “Please… oh, G-d, John… kiss me.”

Wrapping his arm around her tightly, he pulled her body close, unable and unwilling to hide the evidence of his desire for her. “You are not following instructions.”

She ached for him. Her core throbbed. Images of their life before flashed in her mind. For the first time since her rescue she realized that her body was beginning to react out of her love for John, and less out of her trauma. Her time with Stefano would never be forgotten, but her time with John was healing her one day at a time. She was beginning to crave things. Things she had long ago decided she would never be able to experience again. Her eyes were wide with arousal, and her lips parted softly as she stared up at him.

“Are you being defiant?” he whispered. He smoothed his palm over her hip, squeezing it when he reached the top of her thigh. “What happens when you’re defiant?”

Marlena gasped, “You punish me.”

“You’re not ready for that,” he told her. “Tonight is for kisses. Tonight is for only kissing. Now get up on the bed.”

She practically melted into the mattress, as she whispered, “Can you touch me while you kiss me?”

John came to rest beside her. “Touch you?” He stared down into her hazel eyes. He knew what she needed. “I can touch you… if you need that.”

She ached so much it was painful. Her hips bucked slightly, “I need that.”

John’s palm came to rest on her thigh, and then he began his upward movement as he leaned forward, brushing his lips over hers gently. “Do you need to come, Marlena?”

“Yes,” she moaned. Her hips bucked again, seeking out the heel of his palm. 

John pushed against her mound, and then took her lips with determination. His own cock was lengthening and straining against the sweatpants he wore, but he had determined that whatever they did that night was for her, and her only. Marlena gasped against him, and opened her thighs wider. He pushed against her core, rubbing over it with the friction she was craving. Her soft pants wafted over his mouth, indicating her increasing arousal. Nipping at her lips, he groaned, and he continued to press against her clit. He wanted to strip her bare, and sink his fingers into her moist heat. Instead his palm squeezed her, and he continued to rub and push against her through the fabric of her sweatpants.

“Oh, G-d! Oh, G-d! Oh, G-d!” she gasped softly against his mouth. “Harder… please… harder.”

He had promised her kisses, and that’s what he did. He kissed her, and he sucked at her lips until they were swollen and wet. When she finally reached her climax, he couldn’t help but push his swollen length against her hips. His tongue dipped into the deepest recesses of her mouth, and she screamed into him while he took it all into his soul. Like a schoolboy he came in his own pants. It was the most erotic night of his life.

As Marlena was falling asleep, she whispered, “You are the other half of me.”

John reached over, brushing the soft strands of blonde hair away from her forehead. “You are my life, Marlena.” He kissed her softly, and then he went to take another shower.

Chapter 27

**TRIGGER WARNING: Memory of sexual coercion/sexual assault**

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Bo said, as he stood staring at the massive mansion. It was two stories from the back, but from the front it was obvious that there was an additional ground level floor built partially into the hill. 

“Seven bedrooms,” John said. “Eight if we turn the den downstairs into a suite for Carrie.” Bo rolled his eyes, and John chuckled, “We’re going to need the space. We’ll need at least seven bedrooms, not to mention you and Hope have the baby coming. Plus, it’s gated, and you know that’s a benefit.”

Hope and Marlena came back around the house after walking down the hill and taking in the view from the lake. They both seemed breathless. Bo barely noticed that they were holding hands. “The granite patios on the other side have amazing views,” Hope told him. “And there’s a massive barbeque smoker and a blackstone down there. You could put a brisket out there, Brady.”

“He’s trying to fucking buy me,” Bo mumbled thinking about his father.

Marlena released Hope’s hand, and stepped closer to John. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and laid her face against his bicep. “The ponds, and the waterfall are absolutely beautiful. I could fall asleep back there on a cool fall evening.”

John saw Bo’s jaw twitch with irritation. Bo loved the house. John knew Bo loved the house, but he was fighting it. He glanced at Marlena, handing her the house key, “Why don’t you two head inside with the boys, and Bo and I will meet you in there in a few minutes. I need to speak with Bo.”

Bo watched Hope reach for Marlena’s hand, and yell, “Avi! Shawn D! Let’s go check out what’s inside!” Both boys came running from where they had been attempting to climb a nearby tree. He glanced over at John, “Is this the part where you try to give me the pep talk about getting to know my father, and all the time I’m missing? You know the life-is-short-you-don’t-want-to-have-regrets speech?”

John was quiet for a moment. He knew Bo better than anyone else, besides Hope, and Bo was covering up pain. His anger wasn’t at Victor. It was at Caroline, but that was a hard road to walk. Bo loved Caroline deeply. It was easier to take his anger at her and turn it on the man who had been unwittingly absent. John said in a soft voice, “No. No, that’s not my place. Whether you accept Victor or not is your choice, but this house… this house is fucking perfect, and you know it.”

“I never thought you’d be the one telling me that Victor is a good guy,” Bo grumbled.

“Whoa, partner, I never said that. Victor will still crack knuckles if he thinks he needs to… but he has mellowed in his old age. He’s lonely. Adrienne and Ned are on the other side of the world, and he was very close to Isabella. She let him in, Bo. She allowed him to experience fatherhood, and he’s lost that.”

Bo stared at John with hard eyes, “I thought you weren’t giving me this talk.”

“I’m not,” John said with irritation. Bo looked away, feeling sullen. “Bo, look at me… please?” John was relieved when he turned back towards him. He reached out, placing his hand on Bo’s shoulder, and he tipped his face to make sure Bo was really paying attention. “Victor is not expecting a relationship from this. He’s trying to help us… and he considers us – all of us – family.”

“Don’t tell me he wouldn’t want–”

“Ah, see,” John said with a smirk, gently smacking the side of Bo’s head. “That’s not what I said. I said, he’s not expecting a relationship… but I know for a fact he would welcome one.”

“I’ve tried that before, and it failed miserably.”

“You mean when you were secretly working undercover for the ISA, and trying to pin the bond theft on him in Stockholm?” John laughed. “Bo, that’s not trying.”

Bo couldn’t help it. He started laughing, and he allowed John to wrap an arm around his neck and pull him close. He’d missed this relationship with John. He stared at the house. It was beautiful, and Hope was right, he could smoke a nice brisket. They started walking towards the door. Bo chuckled, “It is a nice fucking house.”

John pulled him closer, burying Bo’s face in his shoulder, “Damn right it is. Now, let’s go find our ladies and those boys, and see what they think.”

Bo laughed again, “Are you serious right now? We already know what those two think. Hope waxing poetic about a barbeque grill was not exactly subtle, and Marlena…” Bo’s voice goes all feminine, “I could fall asleep back there on a cool fall evening.”

John kissed Bo’s forehead lovingly, and then released him, pushing him towards the front door of the house. “You think you’re a funny guy.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Hope’s pregnancy was starting to show. A soft swell of her abdomen that wasn’t even noticeable unless someone knew to look for it, but Marlena was intrigued by Hope’s pregnancy. She’d felt so close to her children during her pregnancies, and sometimes when she watched John with Avi, she ached for more. She wished she could have fallen so easily back into a life with John, but she hadn’t. Kim had told her several times that she couldn’t hold herself to the same standards as Hope, because her experience was vastly different. She knew that, but her heart disagreed. Her heart wanted John. It wanted all of him. Her mind lived in fear. 

Marlena noticed that Hope was touching her abdomen more than usual, and she asked, “How are you feeling today?”

“Honestly?” Hope asked her. “Nervous. I feel like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Life can’t continue to be this good, can it?”

Marlena stepped closer to her, needing to feel her warmth against her skin. She stared out the large window to see the expanse of lake below. “I often find myself thinking the same thing. I think it’s why I’ve been holding back with John. If I don’t let myself fall deeper in love with him, maybe it won’t hurt as bad if I lose him.”

Hope reached for Marlena’s hand, and stepped even closer. She faced her, and reached out, softly stroking her cheek, “I don’t think you are ever going to lose that man. I’ve never seen someone love the way he loves you.”

“Bo loves you,” Marlena whispered. 

“He does, but he’s… struggled to understand what we are to each other, and John… from the moment he had you back he hasn’t questioned it at all.” Hope sighed, “Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. No questions.” She lifted a lock of Marlena’s hair in her fingers, and watched the way the sun reflected off of it. “This thing between us. Sometimes I don’t even understand it.”

“Hope…” Marlena whispered.

“Don’t.” She dropped the hair she was holding, and then looked down at her abdomen. “I love Bo with all of my heart.”

“I know that,” Marlena whispered. 

Hope looked up with tears in her eyes, “But, I’m always going to love you too. I can’t help that. I loved you before I even knew who I was, and now it’s so confusing. You are my best friend, Mar.” She glanced around the interior of the open concept kitchen/dining/living area. “This house could be ours, and I want this to work so badly. I know that you and I will never… but I need you.”

“I need you too.” Marlena stared into Hope’s green eyes, cupping her face in her hands. “You’re not alone in that, Hope. You don’t know how many times you saved me over the last two years.”

“You saved me,” Hope said. “That night when Stefano came after me…” Her voice trailed off, and a few moments later she said, “You remember that don’t you?”

“I remember,” Marlena whispered. “It was when Stefano was gone. He’d been gone for weeks, and we’d gotten careless…” Marlena struggled to take a deep breath, and she reminded herself that she was safe. 

Inside the muted light of the fort they’d made out of sheets, Marlena smiled at Hope. Avi had fallen asleep after a rousing game of pirates, and they were sitting in silence, able for a moment to pretend that their life was somewhere else. Able to pretend that they were happy. 

That happiness was destroyed in a moment when they heard Stefano’s loud rage filled voice in the hallway. Marlena’s eyes went wide, and her throat choked with fear as she rasped out, “He’s back…oh, G-d! Hope he’s back!”

“Get Avi,” she said quickly. “Take him into the other room so he doesn’t wake up. Go! Now!”

Marlena didn’t think about it. She scooped her son into her arms, and fled their makeshift tent of sheets. Avi slept soundly in her arms, and she could only pray that he remained asleep. She was laying him in his bed, when she heard Stefano’s roar from the other room, “Where do you think you are going, Hope? Do you think you can dress like that, and not have me want you? You are a tease, you bitch!”

With one last glance at Avi, Marlena raced back to the other room. Stefano had Hope on the bed. His meaty hands were pawing at her skin, tearing the fabric of her nightgown. He glanced up catching sight of Marlena, his eyes blown with arousal, and he laughed. He continued to laugh as he forced Hope’s legs apart, and he fumbled with the fastening to his slacks. Marlena could see that Hope was frozen in fear. She wasn’t even fighting him.

Stepping closer, Marlena swallowed thickly, saying, “I thought you wanted me?”

He stopped his movements. “You? You take the enjoyment out of it.”

He wanted her to either fight him, or he wanted her to allow him to make love to her. Marlena had stopped fighting a long time ago, but as she watched Hope disappear inside herself, she whispered her lies to Stefano, “I want you to make love to me. I’ve been waiting for you to come home so that I could tell you.”

Hope’s eyes landed on her. She felt like she was dying inside when she choked out, “Mar! Mar! No!”

Stefano smacked Hope’s face so hard her head fell to the side, and he stared down at her with a fury she didn’t understand. He released her thighs as if she disgusted him. He started unfastening his pants while staring at Marlena. To Hope, he said, “Get out.”

Marlena looked at Hope, and whispered in a tone that was deathly calm, “Leave the room, Hope. Go check on Avi.”

“I can’t,” she sobbed, scrambling off the bed. She ran to Marlena, trying to hold on to her arm. “I can’t! Mar! No!”

Marlena shook her off, “Leave the room. Now.”

The last thing Hope saw before she closed the door between the two rooms was Marlena sinking to her knees in front of Stefano as she braced herself against his thighs. Hope’s chest ached, and she turned, running for the bathroom only to vomit all over the floor.

Bo and John stood immobile in the doorway, listening to Hope and Marlena recall the night Stefano had tried to rape Hope. Marlena stroked her fingers across Hope’s cheek softly. John felt hot tears streaming down his cheeks, when Marlena whispered to Hope, “I did it to protect you.”

Bo felt sick. Hope had told him some of things that had happened when she, Marlena and Avi were in San Cristobal, but she hadn’t told him about Stefano attempting to rape her. He could hear the blood pounding in his ear, and his heart was slamming within the confines of his ribs. He stared at Marlena with his heart breaking. She had sacrificed herself for his wife. She had allowed Stefano to rape her to protect Hope. 

John choked, when he said, “Doc…”

Marlena wiped at her tear streaked face quickly, stepping back from Hope, but it was too late. Bo and John had seen and heard enough. She’d tried for the last few months to keep the details of the horror she’d suffered, between her and Kim or Dr. Vallanki. She stared at the floor, guilt and disgust running through her veins like acid. She choked on a sob that was trying to tear free of her chest.

Suddenly her face was lifted, and she found herself staring into Hope’s furious green eyes, “Don’t you fucking do this, Mar! Don’t! What you did that night… you did that for me. You–you–” Hope couldn’t even continue speaking. Her voice was lost as she wiped away Marlena’s tears. She wrapped her arms around Marlena’s shoulders pulling her close, and she absorbed her pain and her agony as if it was hers. She couldn’t say anything, the pain was too raw, the emotions too fresh. She simply held on.

Hope and Marlena stood there together in so much pain they could barely stand, and they had no idea what to do with it. Marlena’s cries came in gasping heaves, and Hope kept whispering, “Don’t you do this, Mar. Don’t you fucking do this.” She buried her face in Marlena’s hair, and kissed her neck softly, as she sobbed her own tears against Marlena’s soft skin. “Please, Mar. Don’t do this!”

Somehow, and neither Marlena or Hope would ever recall how, they ended up on the floor together wrapped in each other’s arms, and then within moments, they were wrapped in John and Bo’s arms. No words were spoken. They were a huddled mass expressing their grief over what they had lost, while absorbing each other’s pain until they heard Avi shout excitedly from across the house, “I’ve found my room, and guess what, Shawn D? We can share a bathroom!”

Marlena smiled the softest smile against Hope’s shoulder, because as much pain as they were feeling, Avi was safe. Hope was safe, and she was safe. She was safe, and it was time to start living that life that she was so scared of.

Chapter 28

The loft was empty. Bo and Hope were finishing up their packing on The Fancy Face, and Shawn D and Avi were having a sleepover with Shawn and Caroline. Avi’s first sleepover outside of their little blended family. They’d only allowed it, because Roman was on a secret ISA mission on the other side of the world. It was why the custody hearing had been postponed, and it was why the move into the big house, as the boys had been calling it, was going to take place the following day. 

Marlena sat on the couch, her back resting against John’s chest. She was enjoying this quiet time with him. The solitude, and the chance to explore more of what she wanted from their relationship. The past week had seen Marlena conquering her fears, and tackling the aftermath in therapy with Kim. John’s kisses, and his soft touches…every single night, closer and closer to what she ultimately wanted. 

Marlena tipped her face up to look at John, “Do you think the children are driving Shawn and Caroline crazy?”

“They’ve got Carrie,” John laughed, as if that was enough.

Marlena smiled, “They’ve also four grandkids under the age of ten.”

“Kim said she would check on them.” John stared at the column of her neck, pushing her blonde hair back. Slowly he traced his finger over her skin. “I had an idea… something I wanted to try tonight.”

She shivered slightly, already feeling her body react to him. She wanted so badly for them to move past the kissing and the touching. It was amazing. It was everything she wanted, but she felt she was ready for something more, and she was too scared to suggest it. Even if she did, what would she suggest? She and John used to play in dark ways, and while she dreamt of it and even craved it during her waking hours, she couldn’t be sure she was ready for it. Kim had suggested that Marlena ask John about going back to the stop light system. She’d been thinking about it all day. Softly she asked, “Did you?” 

“I did. It involves a blindfold, and a few other things,” he murmured. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her firmly against him. A soft tickle of his breath wafted over her ear. “Do you trust me?”

How could she be so aroused by mere words? Her body shivered again, and she whispered, “I trust you.” She wanted whatever he was offering, however he offered it. 

“Let’s go upstairs.” His voice was rough, laced through with desire. Marlena’s wide hazel eyes stared up at him, and he saw that she wanted the same thing he wanted. Connection. He leaned down, kissing her lips softly. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” she breathed. Another tremble shook her. “I’m sure.” Kissing him once more, Marlena stood up, reaching for John’s hand. The muscles of her abdomen shook. His eyes roamed over her body. She wanted him.

They walked towards the stairs, and John waited for Marlena to go in front of him. He couldn’t stop himself from holding onto her hips as they ascended. The gentle sway of her body underneath his palms was torture. When they reached the top of the stairs, he pushed her against the wall with a soft thud. Staring down at her, he said, “We will not make love tonight.”

A small whimper escaped her as she stared up at him. The heat of his body held her in place, as she gasped, “Kim said I should ask you–”

John smiled, planting his palms on either side of her head, “Why… are we talking about Kim?”

“The stop light system.” Marlena felt her words coming out stuttered just like her thoughts. “She said I should ask.”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “What do you want tonight, baby?”

His eyes were almost black staring down at her. His jaw tensed. His whole body was tense against her. Her fingers danced across his jaw. Almost a whisper, her breath caressing John’s lips, she said, “I want you. Tell me what to do. I trust you… I trust you, John.”

“We’re not making love.”

“I know.”

He waited a moment, watching her for any signs of nervousness or apprehension. When he saw none, he said, “I want you naked on our bed, baby.” He stepped back, leaving her body feeling cold where she stood. She wanted him back against her, his warmth a blanket of softness, but then he leaned in. “Tonight is sensory deprivation.” Suddenly she felt very warm. John continued to stare at her like she was feast. “Safe words?”

“Green, yellow, and red,” she said breathlessly. She straightened up from the wall she’d been leaning on, and, never breaking eye contact she started to unbutton her shirt.

John almost growled, “Bedroom. Now. I want you waiting on our bed when I get back.”

 “Okay.” She stared after him, as he started down the stairs, and even after he was out of sight, she heard his feet on the stairs, and found herself anticipating what he had planned. John had spent the last three and a half months proving to her that he would never hurt her, and she knew that when she did have fear, he would allow her to process that at her own pace. He would hold her, caress her… care for her. Entering the bedroom, she shrugged her chambray shirt off of her shoulders, feeling the fabric whisper across her skin. She pushed her jeans over her hips, taking her panties off with them. Her body trembled as she reached behind herself, unfastening her bra, and allowed it to join the rest of her clothing in the pile on the floor. John’s whispered words replayed in her mind, I want you waiting on our bed when I get back.

The fabric of the bedspread was a sensual glide across her naked skin. Closing her eyes, she laid herself out, and she waited. The sound of footsteps on the stairs. The sound of movement in the bedroom. Items being moved and shuffled. 

When John returned with a cup of ice, and locked the door, he found Marlena exactly as he had envisioned. Her soft curves and rounded edges were a feast in the middle of his bed. “Fuck,” he groaned. “Doc… you are absolutely beautiful.”

Her eyes opened, and she watched him with heavy lids as he moved around the room. Not knowing what he had planned caused her even more excitement. They hadn’t made love, and he wasn’t pushing her boundaries. His promise that they wouldn’t make love helped establish the level of comfort she needed -just as he had on those nights when he kissed her, and rubbed her until she came through her clothes. On those nights when he had stripped her bare and made her reach climax by caressing her bare skin, or sucking her breasts for hours. He had been pushing her boundaries with touch, and whatever he had planned was going to take touch one step further. 

Going to his dresser John pulled out a lock box. Marlena gasped softly. Images of their nights together when they were married came to her. Even without his hands on her, she groaned, and arched slightly. John smiled, pulling out a blindfold, ear plugs, some feathers, and a 5 headed Wartenberg wheel. Marlena stared at the items in John’s hands, and her core clenched. 

Her hips bucked, and he saw her eyes widen, and her breathing pick up. Laying them on the bed near her, he removed his own shirt, and then stared down at her. “What’s your color, baby?”

“Green,” she whispered, watching John push his jeans over his hips. His cock was half hard already, and she felt her mouth water, but then immediately pulled back emotionally. Closing her eyes she wondered why she wasn’t allowing herself to feel the joy in what they were doing. She opened her eyes, and found him watching her. Softly, she said, “Green.”

John leaned over her, whispering, “You’re going to love this, baby,” and then he stepped out of his boxers.

Marlena’s core ached almost painfully. He had somehow managed to get her to the edge of a climax, and he hadn’t even touched her. But her body ached as if he had. The room was filled with the soft sounds of their breathing when John reached for the satin scarf they’d used so many times before. He watched her eyes follow him, and he knew she recognized it. She should recognize every item he’d set out. Tracing the back of his fingers across her cheek, he said, “I’m going to cover your eyes, and then I want you to turn over and lie face down.”

Her breathing stuttered, and she nodded. John gave her a hard stare, waiting for the response he wanted. Her whole body shook, as she rolled over, and she gasped softly, “Green.”

He stared down at the swell of her ass, and the curve of her hips. He immediately itched to touch her. Placing the tip of his index finger firmly on her heel, he traced it up along the back of her leg, over the crease of her buttocks, and up the center of her back until he reached her neck. One firm, long line of touch. His heart rate rapidly increased, as he heard her softly moan, “Oh… John…”

A smirk of satisfaction came over his face, as he murmured softly, “You like that, baby?”

“Yes,” she said breathlessly.

“Are you feeling comfortable with the blindfold? What’s your color?”

“Green,” Marlena said, feeling the tip of his finger trace the length of her arm.

“Good. I want you to focus on touch tonight. That’s why I took your sight. Don’t think about it. Breathe deep. Focus on the sensations… focus on the feelings. If I do anything you don’t like… use your safe word,” he told her, his words barely above a whisper. “What’s your safe word?”

“Red,” Marlena sighed, enjoying the feel of his featherlight touch along her body. 

“If I do anything that makes you uncomfortable… you say red.” 

He lightly smacked her ass, and Marlena gasped, “I will. I will. Oh, G-d! I will!”

Her hands clenched into the blanket underneath her, and she relaxed into it, focusing on the sensations that came with his touch. Warmth dragging across her sensitive skin, the sound of his voice, and the smell of his cologne. At times his touch was barely perceptible, and other times he kneaded her muscles, pressing hard into her fevered flesh. She felt John place his palm firmly between her shoulder blades, pressing down lightly, and she thrilled at the pull of it down her spine. This was the most glorious form of torture, and she moaned again, shaking with arousal.

John moved to the end of the bed, and stood staring at her prone body. Leaning forward he wrapped his hands around her ankles, spreading her legs wide. He heard Marlena’s ragged breathing, and her soft whisper of his name. His cock jerked with want. Climbing onto the bed near her feet, he smiled at Marlena’s quiet gasp.

She shivered, feeling the cool air over her molten center. She felt so deliciously open, and vulnerable, but completely and wholly unafraid. 

John smiled. Leaning forward, planting his hands on either side of her body, and pressing deeply into the mattress. “Color?”

Overcome with emotion, she felt tears in her eyes. She wanted the heat of his body, and the rasp of his hair scraping across her soft skin. She ached to feel his weight against her. “Green.”

He laid his hand on her hip, squeezing her reassuringly as he whispered, “That’s my good girl.”

His words thrilled her, and she felt fluid begin to gather between her legs, cooling against her skin. Her hips bucked slightly into the softness of the bed, and she whined low in her throat. She ached so painfully she pushed her pussy against the mattress seeking some sort of relief.

“When we were married before,” John said, leaning back to massage her calf muscles, “I don’t think I realized how much you enjoy words.” His hands moved up the back of her thighs after tracing lightly over the skin behind her knees. Her body shivered violently, but he knew… she wasn’t cold. Using deep pressure, John’s large hands kneaded the flesh of her legs until he was just below her backside, and his thumbs sank between her thighs, right near her pussy, while his fingers squeezed into her, hard. That spot that made her crazy. The one that made her buck against him.

“Oh, G-d! John,” she gasped, feeling her moisture begin to pool. “More… I need more…”

Moving up to settle between her legs, John smoothed his palms over her lower back, pushing upwards toward her shoulders, making her sigh again. “Your skin is so soft, Doc. So smooth. It makes me want to rub myself against you, and bury myself in you.”

She wanted that. She wanted it all. She whispered, “Can you lay on me? Let me feel you… I want to feel you.”

Stretching out over her, John laid the length of his body over hers, pulling her legs in with his as he did so. His hands cupped her shoulders, and slid down her arms, stretching them out to her sides. A deep groan escaped him when he linked his fingers in hers, and his burgeoning cock settled in the crease of her ass. He bucked his hips gently, rolling against her. Her rounded ass enveloped his cock. He forced himself not to move, instead asking her, “Is my weight too much?”

“It’s good,” she whispered. “It’s soft, and warm… and comforting.”

He stared down at her exposed neck, soft and delicate. How badly he wanted his lips on her. John leaned towards her ear, and whispered, “Can I kiss your neck?”

Marlena was silent for a moment, thinking about how Stefano had spent nearly six years grabbing her neck roughly, or holding her down by the neck, but those thoughts were changing. They were becoming faded, and replaced with something new. They were being replaced by memories of her time with John. Those moments when he’d held her neck gently, and kissed her until she thought she would pass out. Those moments where a slight squeeze would push her over into blissful oblivion as she shook with orgasmic tremors. The feelings associated with her neck were now more about John, and less about the past, so she whispered back, “Yes.”

The heat of his breath on her skin reinforced her decision. It was bliss personified. Just before she felt the soft pillowy flesh of his lips as they took hold of her, she found herself whispering again, “Yes…” The sensations were amazing, euphoric. Her hips pushed deeply into the mattress again, and she whimpered, “John.”

One of his hands slid over her shoulder, and across the front of her throat, cupping it gently. “Color?”

“Green.”

“I’ve got plans for you, Doc.” He bit her shoulder, making her moan, and he said, “Are you ready for me?”

She could barely think. She could barely speak. “Oh, G-d!”

John rocked his dick into her backside a little rougher, unable to stop his body’s movements. He had to get his head together, so he moved away from her. 

Marlena felt alone without him. She wanted him back. “John,” she moaned. “Please.”

He reached for his cock, squeezing it roughly to ease the ache. He turned towards the dresser, and picked up a partially melted ice cube, whispering softly, “This might be shocking, baby. But you’re going to love it.”

Marlena cried out in surprise when the ice touched her lips. John’s heated body hovered above her, while he rubbed her swollen lips with ice. She wasn’t prepared for the cold, and yet the unexpectedness of it, and her lack of sight, added to the intensity. Three months ago, giving up this kind of control would have been a solid no. John had created a trust with her, a bond of words, and it didn’t scare her. It excited her. The wet, cold feeling moved over her chin, and down her neck, as John ran the ice over her skin. Cool trails of water slipped underneath her neck, and she shivered feeling her skin cover with goosebumps. She whined softly, arching into his touch.

He continued to torment her. Her body wracked with shivers, while he watched the water drip and roll over her soft skin. John smiled, following the path of the ice in his hand with his eyes, as it slid down her spine. Marlena’s hips bucked again, as the ice slid along the crevice of her ass, and John chuckled, low in his throat, saying to her roughly, “Roll over, Doc. On your back.”

She gasped slightly. Anything he wanted. Anything he asked for in that moment, she would have gladly given him. She rolled to her back, and John’s hand smoothed up her abdomen, pushing underneath her breasts, and then cupping them lightly. “So fucking beautiful, Marlena.” 

His hands were a juxtaposition of hot and cold. Her nipples pebbled, and a mewling sound escaped her, as she arched up into his hands. She heard him reach for another ice cube, and waited in anticipation for it, wondering where it would land.

John smirked to himself, as he slid the ice over her nipple, causing her body to buck up wildly. Marlena cried out, “Oh! Oh, John!”

“Doc, you are beautiful. Your body. The way you move. The sounds you make,” John said. “What’s your color?”

John slowly slid the ice along the inside of her thigh. Marlena spread her thighs wider, aching with want. “Green!” He slid the ice along the lips of her pussy, dipping between them, and she screamed. “Oh, G-d! Green!” She felt her center clench, and she knew she was dripping a mixture of melted ice and arousal onto the bed beneath her spread legs. The pad of his finger slid over her clit as he pulled the ice slowly over her sex, pushing slightly, and her orgasm hit her so hard, and so unexpectedly, that she thought she might black out from it. Her body arched, and he head rolled back, “Fuck!”

John’s cock bobbed against his abdomen, and he could feel the cooling of fluid against his skin. He could probably bring himself to climax just from watching her in the throes of ecstasy. Next to her ear, he whispered roughly, “You needed that didn’t you, baby? You needed to come hard, didn’t you?” 

But she couldn’t answer him, as her body collapsed back onto the bed. She couldn’t say anything. She just gasped for air, seeing nothing but blackness, and waiting, wondering, what he was going to do next. The blindfold over her eyes was a torment. The sweetest fucking torment, and yet it was her safety. It was the thing that allowed her to give over control to John completely.

Seductively, he asked her, “Have you heard of a Wartenberg Wheel, Doc?”

She could barely get her words out as her mind tried to grasp at facts while coming down from her orgasmic haze. “Yes—yes…it’s used in neurology…to uh, check for nerve damage.”

She felt his breath on her ear, before she heard him, but her body was wracked again with shivers. The coolness of his breath combined with her nudity, and lack of sight had her on edge again. John whispered, “That isn’t what we’re using it for tonight. Do you remember? Do you remember those nights when the children were gone, and I had hours to play with your body?”

“Oh, G-d!” she cried, when she felt the metal against her skin. It rolled over her thigh, pressing in slightly, and causing all kinds of sensations to run through her. John continued with it, rolling it up over her breast, and then lightly over her nipple. A mixture of pain, and then overwhelming arousal took over.

Rolling the wheel back down her abdomen, John heard her sharp intake of breath as he neared her pussy. Her hips arched towards him, almost anticipating what he was about to do. He watched as her breathing hitched. “What do you want, Doc? Do you want me to keep going?”

Just the thought of the mixture of pain and pleasure that she would feel had her gasping, “Yes… yes… please…”

Applying light pressure he rolled the wheel over the top of her pussy, and Marlena stopped breathing, every muscle in her body tensed up. He watched her in rapt fascination, whispering, “Doc, baby, you’ve got to breath… color?”

“Green.” Every muscle in her body was tense, poised for what he might do next. She could feel small trembles inside her core, building to another climax. Marlena bucked up, seeking sensation. “I need…I need to come again,” she whispered.

John continued to roll the wheel over her skin for a moment, as he stared down at her open sex. Grunting, he squeezed his cock again. “Fuck, Doc, I need to taste you.”

Trembles and quaking deep inside her pussy shook her. “Taste me? Oh, G-d, yes!”

He didn’t need further encouragement. Tossing the wheel to the side, he licked over her breast, allowing his teeth to nip at her skin. She tasted like fucking heaven. “You taste so fucking good… like soap, and perfume, and salt… you taste like the most amazing memories…”

She was entranced by his words, “I do?”

“You do. When I run my tongue over you, I remember our wedding, and I remember that picnic in West Virginia. I remember Stockholm, and I remember that night in front of the fireplace,” he said, moving downward, lapping at her skin, and dipping his tongue into her navel.

“When I… when I licked whipped cream off of your mouth,” she sighed. His tongue dragged across the sensitive skin on her hip. “Oh, G-d! John!”

His tongue traced a path down to her center, licking over the top of her mound with a soft groan of desire. Marlena arched against wanting more as he licked so close to her pussy she thought she might die from want. His hands grasped her thighs, pushing them wide, as he stared down at her swollen folds. Barely able to keep his head about him, he asked, “Color?”

“Green,” she replied, hoping, praying, that he was about to put his mouth on her. “John… please…”

John stared at her. She was pink, and moist. He wanted the taste of her on his tongue. Unable to resist, he leaned forward, lapping a long, slow line up her slit, and then he sucked her clit into his mouth with the softest, gentlest swirl of his tongue. Her hands reached down, seeking some sort of connection, and they threaded into his hair, gripping it so tightly that pain surged through him, just as blood surged to his cock. “Fuck, Doc!” he cried, resting his head against her inner thigh. He pushed his length into the mattress with an aching need. 

And then he was lost in the taste of her. Unable to stop himself, his mouth assaulted her, biting at her flesh, and licking over her, while he would randomly suck her clit into his mouth, pulling deep and long. She writhed underneath him, feeling that ache build inside her to a feverish pitch. She fell over the ledge into another orgasm within moments, screaming his name.

He watched her come down, while he gently smoothed his palms over her skin. Reaching for the blindfold, he took it off of her, he leaned forward, kissing the soft swell of her abdomen softly. “I love you.”

She blinked her eyes slowly, adjusting to the soft light of the room, sighing, “I love you, too.”

“I’ll be right back, Doc,” John said. “I’m going to run you a bath. When you come down from this I want you clean, and back in bed so I can hold you.”

She stared at him with half-lidded eyes, and asked in a drowsy voice, “A bath? What about you?”

“Tonight wasn’t about me. It was about you,” he whispered. “It was about building trust, and remembering that sex isn’t forced. Sex isn’t shameful, baby. It’s about connection, and two people coming together, and it’s about you being treated like you are the most precious thing in my life.”

She touched his chest lightly, allowing her fingers to move to his hip. His skin was soft under her hand. She reached for his length, and he couldn’t help pushing into her hand. Marlena watched his eyes close as he tried to hold himself back. 

John groaned, “Doc.”

“I want to touch you.”

His head rolled back when she squeezed him again, pulling once along his engorged length, “Fuck…”

“I need to do this. I want to do this,” she pleased softly. “Please?”

Needing to be close to her, he spread his body alongside her on the bed, and allowed her hand to softly play over him. She pulled on him, slowly rubbing her thumb over his swollen tip. Her fingers wrapped more firmly around his length, and her pulls became harder and longer. And with each pass of her hand, he knew he would lose himself in mere moments, but, it was when Marlena whispered, “I want to watch you come,” that he fell into a bliss filled oblivion. His body arched, and everything went black. John’s voice was stolen, and he roared  against her, burying his face in her hair while his body continued to convulse.

Panting hard beside her, John’s mouth captured hers, his tongue sweeping into her depths, searching for her. She moaned into him, tasting her own arousal on the skin around his mouth, his tongue, his lips. She pressed her body against him, and soaked in his warmth, and his strength. Slowly, she reached up, touching his jaw lightly, and whispered, “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, baby,” he whispered, kissing her again softly. “Let me run you a bath.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “Okay…”

Chapter 29

Diane Miller entered the courtroom confident that John and Marlena would gain custody of Sami and Eric Brady. She had Roman Brady’s time card records for the past year, signed affidavits from his siblings, Bo, and Kimberly, as well as an affidavit from his daughter Carrie, his boss, Abraham Carver, and his parents, Shawn and Caroline Brady – all stating that the man had barely been involved in his children’s lives over the past year, despite him having custody. Carrie’s statement mentioned the bruises on her younger sister, as well as the emotional abuse in the home. But, it was Bo Brady’s testimony that was the most damning. It detailed Roman’s knowledge of the existence of John and Marlena’s child, Avi, for a year prior to the rescue of Avi and Marlena from Stefano DiMera. Diane knew the case was in the bag, although she assumed the judge would want to speak with Sami and Eric in private.

Marlena held Hope’s hand as they walked into the courtroom. Her other hand was laced with Bo’s. She had stayed at the loft, and more recently their new house, since her return to Salem, barely venturing outside. There was still a part of her that feared Stefano would appear to nab her. The dreams were exhausting, although their frequency was becoming lesser. The worst part for her though, was that she hadn’t been allowed to see the twins. Roman had placed a restraining order on John, as well as their home. John hadn’t been allowed within 100 feet of the children, and the children weren’t allowed to come to see her at the house. She had been able to speak with them on the phone, but Marlena was so scared of encountering Roman and his vitriol that she couldn’t venture to the fish market. She knew from conversations with Hope that Kayla, Shawn and Caroline were struggling with feeling disloyal to Roman, but they were willing to support her and John because they knew it would benefit the twins. Kim was adamant that Roman needed therapy. Someone didn’t come out of seven years of torture and abuse without long lasting scars.

Marlena looked over at Bo, and whispered, “I wish John could be here.”

“This will be over soon, Mar,” he told her. “There’s too much evidence. Hopefully we can get this resolved today.”

Hope leaned into her, whispering, “They won’t keep your children away from you.”

“I’m worried about John,” Marlena said softly.

“John did everything Diane and Kim suggested,” Bo said confidently. “He underwent a full mental health evaluation. He’s adhered to the restraining order. The judge will see that.”

Marlena took a deep breath. Bo was right. They had done everything they could to prepare for all contingencies before today’s court date. “You’re right,” she whispered nervously. “You’re right.”

“Of course, I’m right,” Bo said with a smirk.

Marlena smiled up at him, smacking his arm lightly, “You’re such a smart ass, Bo Brady.” She glanced around the courtroom, grateful that it was mostly empty. She felt like everywhere she went, eyes were on her, and while she wasn’t completely ready to rejoin the world at large, she was strong enough to come out, and fight for her children. She could now prove that she and John, along with Bo and Hope, had a home to welcome them to, and signed statements from Roman’s whole immediate family in her and John’s favor. She turned when she heard the doors to the courtroom open, and saw Sami and Eric enter with Shawn and Caroline.

“Mommy!” Sami screamed running towards them. Her small body slammed into her mother, and her arms wrapped around her hips. “I missed you!”

Shawn glanced around, asking, “Is John coming?”

“John can’t be here, Pop. You know that.” Bo stared at his father, and then said, “But Marlena has Hope and I. John is waiting at the house.”

Eric approached slowly, reaching out to touch his mothers long hair, “I missed you.”

She opened her arm, pulling him against her next to Sami, and she whispered to both of them, “John says hello.”

“Can we come home with you today?” Sami asked her.

“I want to come home with you,” Eric said. 

“Oh, I hope so my darlings! I hope so,” she told them, hugging their small bodies against hers. 

Sami whispered, “Grandpa said we can’t see Daddy!”

“It’s not fair,” Eric sniffled. “He didn’t do anything.”

“That’s why we’re here, honey. Me, Uncle Bo, your Aunt Hope… we are trying to figure this out,” Marlena said softly, smoothing their hair and kissing each of them. “And John is waiting for me to call him afterwards.”

“You want to take us home with you?” Sami asked her. “We can live with you and Daddy?”

Marlena touched their faces with gentleness, “We do want you with us – we want you with all of us, but we have to ask a judge here at court if that’s okay.”

“What if the judge says no?” Eric wanted to know. “It’s not fair if the judge says no!”

“Then we’ll try again,” Marlena said calmly, making sure that Eric understood she wasn’t giving up. “I’ll keep trying until you’re both with me.”

“I’ll run away! I will, and I’ll hide from him… because I don’t want to be with him anymore!” Sami said in panic. “I want to be with you and Daddy! It’s not fair that Shawn D, and Uncle Bo, and Aunt Hope get to live with you and we don’t!”

Caressing her face tenderly, Marlena said, “You’re not going to run away Samantha Gene. You have a lot of family that loves you, and we’re going to figure this out.”

“I love you, Mommy,” Eric whispered, touching the loose ends of her blonde hair.

“I love you, too,” Sami said, reaching for her mother’s hair on the other side.

Marlena had considered cutting her hair since she’d returned to Salem, but Sami had called it mermaid hair, and Marlena had decided to keep it for a while. Mermaid hair. Something about their fascination with it, took away the ache of why she had it to begin with. It was less about Stefano using it to control her, and more about the twins’ childlike innocence and wonder. Today it was pulled back from her face, hanging down her back in a thick plait. She kissed the twins, and then stood up facing Shawn and Caroline. It was the first time she had seen Caroline since her return, and only her second time seeing Shawn.

Caroline was surprised. She’d never seen Marlena’s hair so long. There was a definite difference in how Marlena held herself. A silent strength, but underneath she carried a sadness that wasn’t there six years ago. Caroline had heard enough to know that Marlena had lived through hell. Even without knowing the details, it was obvious that Marlena had suffered with Stefano, and what pained her even more was trying to imagine what Roman might have gone through.

Marlena watched her mother in law for a moment, and then said softly, “Hello, Caroline.”

Caroline stepped closer, her eyes misting with tears, “Can I hug you?”

Marlena couldn’t help her own tears. Caroline’s consideration for asking, and her devotion to the twins, was enough to make her cry. She watched Caroline open her arms to her, and Marlena stepped into them, allowing the familiar smell of her perfume to envelope her. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

“I’m sorry,” Caroline whispered. “I’m sorry that we didn’t see how troubled Roman was sooner. We let our fear of losing access to the children overshadow everything else, and I’m sorry for that.”

“I’m home now,” Marlena replied softly, glancing back towards where Bo and Hope were standing with Diane. “My family is going to take care of my children. You are a part of that family.”

As Caroline watched Marlena walk towards Bo and Hope, she noticed Hope reach for Marlena’s hand, and then cup her face tenderly. Marlena leaned forward, resting her face against Hope’s neck, and then Bo stepped closer, almost as if he were protecting them both. Caroline looked at Shawn with a question in her eyes, and her husband reached for her hand, saying, “They take care of each other. The rest of it be their own business.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami and Eric sat in chairs, in the judge’s chambers with Diane Miller, Shawn Brady, and Roman’s lawyer. The judge had been very concerned after looking over the evidence provided by Diane, and wanted to speak with the children privately. Diane Miller was the most efficient attorney she’d ever come across. The woman provided evidence that wasn’t even asked for, as if she anticipated every possible request. Judge Mills was impressed. She glanced at Roman’s attorney. A slicked back, slimy character she’d had in her courtroom numerous times before. He’d insisted on being present when she questioned the children with Diane agreeing as long as she and Shawn Brady were present. It was a reasonable request, and so she’d agreed.

Diane smiled to herself, when Sami leaned over to Eric, and said, “This office is fancy.” In just the few minutes she’d spent with them, she’d come to accept that they were adorable, well mannered children, although generally speaking she thought children could be adorable, but then promptly returned to their parents.

“I guess so,” Eric said with a shrug. “I want to go home.”

“Home with Mommy and Daddy?” Sami asked him.

“Yes,” he said softly. “And Uncle Bo, and Hope, and Shawn D… at the big house with Avi too.”

“Mee too,” she whispered. And then they were both quiet.

Judge Mills was incredibly concerned. She’d seen abuse cases before, and while Sami’s injuries had been minor, the bigger concern was Roman Brady’s neglect of the children, as well as the evidence of escalation. She sat behind her desk, and looked between the children, feeling only sadness. At eight years old they had already been through so much. She leaned forward, and said, “Hello, Sami. Hello, Eric. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Are you going to let us go home with our Mommy and our Daddy?” Sami asked warily.

“Well, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. When you say your Daddy, who do you mean?” Judge Mills asked her.

Eric piped up quickly, “Our Daddy. John is our Daddy.”

She sat back in her chair, steepling her fingers, as she said, “Ah, I see. If John is your Daddy, who is Roman?”

Sami was quiet for a moment, glancing at her grandfather.

Shawn gave her a short nod, and he said, “Ye be honest, Sami girl. No one will be mad at ye fer tellin’ the truth of it.”

Glazing back over at Judge Mills, she whispered, “We don’t call him anything.”

Judge Mills seemed curious as she asked, “You don’t? How does that work?”

Eric shrugged, “We just say ‘him‘ most of the time.”

“And why do you do that?” Judge Mills wanted to know, although she had a fairly good idea already.

“He’s not our Daddy. He doesn’t kiss us, or hug us, or take care of us,” Eric replied. “He came back, and he made our real Daddy go away. Our real Daddy loves us.”

Sami said, “Mr. Patrick just yells a lot, but he won’t let us call him Roman… so we just—”

“—we don’t call him anything,” Eric finished.

“Mr. Patrick?” Judge Mills asked Shawn.

Shawn knew it was confusing. “When Roman first came back to Salem, he told the children his name was Mr. Patrick. We were still tryin’ to get the DNA test results, and we didn’t want the children to be confused, ye see.” 

Judge Mills nodded, and then turned her attention to Sami. “Sami, I was wondering about when Roman hurt you. Can you tell me about that?”

Sami looked at her hands, “He got mad, because I called John my Daddy, and he grabbed my arm. I said he was hurting me, ’cause his fingers was pinching me, but… he kept yelling, and saying he was my Daddy… but he’s not.”

“Has he done that before?” the judge asked. Usually in cases like this there were other examples of discipline that had gone too far. “Has he hurt you, or Eric before?”

“Yes,” Sami whispered. She could still feel the sting of Roman’s slap against her face.

This was the hardest part of her job. “Did it leave marks?”

Sami’s eyes started to sting with tears, as she whispered, “Yes.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“I was trying to make chocolate milk in the kitchen, and I dropped the milk on the floor,” Sami said. “It made the floor messy, and he hit me.”

“He hit you. How did he hit you?”

“In my face,” Sami said, starting to cry. “It hurt really bad… and I lied to Carrie about it. I told her I got hit by a ball.”

“That must have made you very sad,” Judge Mills said.

Eric whispered, “When Mr. Patrick yells, it’s scary. Sometimes… I feel like I’m going to explode, and then I get sick… or I throw up.”

Judge Mills looked at them, and said, “Who would you want to live with, if I let you choose?”

Both children looked up at her expectantly, and Sami whispered, “My Mommy and My Daddy…with Avi, and Uncle Bo, and Aunt Hope–”

Eric said, “–and Shawn D!”

Judge Mills smiled at them, “That sounds like quite the family.”

“It is, and we’re gonna live in the big house all together like the biggest, bestest family ever!” Sami said excitedly.

“And our Daddy is gonna do pancake Saturdays, and breakfast for dinner just like we used to!” Eric told her with a huge smile.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman roared with outrage, two hours later, when Judge Mills gave full custody to Marlena, with no restrictions on John’s contact. Based on Diane Miller’s preemptive mental evaluation, she determined that a restraining order was unnecessary, as there was no evidence of John Black being a danger to the twins. 

“These are my fucking kids!” Roman yelled, standing up from his seat. His fist pounded on the table, as spittle flew from his lips.

“Sit down, Mr. Brady!” Judge Mills said loudly. “Children are not property!”

He continued to scream, ignoring the judges orders. “John Black can’t be trusted!”

“You and your attorney have failed to provide evidence to support that, while Ms. Miller has provided me with more than forty signed affidavits, as to his character, a full psychological evaluation, and I also have the testimony of your own children,” Judge Mills said. “That being said, all of your visitation with your children will be supervised until the following takes place: you will complete a six week parenting class, as well as mandatory anger management classes with appropriate documentation for no less than six months. I am also ordering court mandated therapy of no less than two hours per week for at least six months. If, at that time, you would like a review of the custody agreement, providing you have documentation of completion, a review hearing will be scheduled to discuss changes in the custody arrangement.”

“You’re going to regret doing this,” Roman said.

“I seriously hope you’re not threatening me, Mr. Brady.”

Shawn stepped forward, placing a gentle hand on his son’s shoulder. “Roman, come on son. After ye calm down—”

“Don’t fucking touch me, Pop! I don’t need anything from any of you,” Roman said, shrugging him off. “You’re always talking about family, and how family sticks together. I don’t need more of your lies.”

“Family ain’t always blood, son,” Shawn said. “And Sami and Eric, they be knowin’ that better than most.”

Sami stood up excitedly at the back of the small courtroom, where she sat next to her grandmother, yelling loudly, “Judge Mills? Do we get to live with our Daddy?”

“And Mommy and Avi?” Eric yelled, standing up beside his sister.

Judge Mills smiled at them. Sami smiled back, calling out, “And Uncle Bo, and Hope, and Shawn D?”

Judge Mills smiled at the twins, “Yes.”

Marlena stood up, and turned around. Her tear filled eyes connected with Sami and then Eric. The twins nearly flew between the few scattered chairs, slamming their little bodies into her. Judge Mills knew she’d made the right decision when she overheard the conversation between Sami and her mother.

Sami said, “I told G-d, if he let me be with you and Daddy and Avi, I would stop being bad at school, and I would say sorry to Adam Tate for hitting him in the face with a basketball. And now I get to so I gotta say sorry.”

Marlena stared at her daughter in surprise, “Samantha Gene! Why on earth did you hit him with a basketball?”

Sami shrugged, “He said… he said Daddy wasn’t my Daddy, and I said shut up, and then he said I was a liar… so I hit him in the face with a basketball.”

Marlena cupped her daughter’s round face gently, and she whispered, “Yes, darling, you should probably apologize.”

“I will,” Sami told her. “‘Cause I promised G-d. Can we go home now? I wanna see Daddy and Avi.”

Bo scooped Sami into his arms, and Sami screamed in glee. Eric reached for Marlena’s hand, and Marlena took Hope’s hand in her other one. 

With a huge smile, Bo said loudly, “Let’s take our family home.”

Marlena couldn’t help the tears as she said to Hope, “Because now it’s complete.”

Chapter 30

**TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of rape and sexual assault.**

John stood in the doorway watching Marlena as she sat on the floor, and stared into the flames of the fireplace. Bo and Hope had just gone to bed on the other side of the house. As he approached her, he said softly, “The kids are asleep.”

They’d had custody of the twins for two months, and Marlena had been free of Stefano for nearly six. She seemed so content, so happy. She had continued therapy with Kim, and she had started venturing out more, but she still occasionally struggled with anxiety, and panic. John was pleased when she’d started painting. It was unexpected, but her paintings were where she put her true emotions. Splashes of color across massive canvases. They had a whole collection in the room she’d claimed for studio space.

She smiled up at him, holding out her hand, “Come here. I have to talk to you.”

He took her hand, and slid to the floor beside her. His arms wrapped around her hips, and he pulled her close as he leaned back against the front of the couch. Kissing her cheek softly, he whispered, “I love this part of the day.”

She rested her face against his shoulder, enjoying the heat from the fireplace. “This used to be my favorite part of the day when we were married.”

John’s lips brushed over the sensitive side of her neck, and he murmured, “As soon as your divorce is final, Doc… I want to marry you.”

“I don’t want anything fancy. Maybe a service in the backyard, only the kids… and Bo and Hope,” she said. “That sounds perfect to me.”

“It sounds perfect to me too,” he whispered.

Marlena had been having Hope do therapy with her and Kim. She’d been working through her feelings for Hope, but also she’d been working through her pain of the pregnancies that she’d ended. Those babies she lost because she would give birth to Stefano’s child. After weeks of reassurance from Hope and Kim, she was ready to talk about it with John. He needed to know, not because she thought he would judge her – John would never judge her for that – but because there was a part of her that mourned those pregnancies, and she’d never fully grieved them. She didn’t know how to begin the conversation, it was so hard and so painful. Even saying it out loud in therapy with Hope holding her hand, she’d felt like she was wrenching part of her soul into pieces.

John watched her struggle to find the words, as she said, “I need to get this out, but it’s hard to say.” She paused, and he waited, because he loved her, because he respected her. She finally said, “I had three abortions when I was with Stefano. Three times in six years… that I… I killed my babies, because I couldn’t bear the thought, the mere idea of giving birth to a child of Stefano’s. And it wasn’t just the idea of having his child… it was being responsible for another life when… when my whole focus was keeping Hope and Avi safe. Maybe that makes me bad, that I couldn’t love those children… not the way they would have needed to be loved. That I couldn’t imagine looking into their faces and being able to care for them, remembering the horror from which they came.” Marlena took a shuddering breath, feeling the tremble in her muscles as if she were freezing, even though she sat in front of the fire. “Stefano wouldn’t allow me to have birth control. He–he wouldn’t use condoms… but because I’m a doctor… he let me handle other medical things for him…for the staff. I managed his diabetes, and I know which combination of drugs would cause my body to lose a pregnancy.”

John traced his fingers over her chin, tipping his face so that she could see his eyes. Softly, he told her, “He raped you. I will never be able to understand the horror of that. I can see the guilt in your eyes… and baby, don’t do that. Don’t judge yourself for this.”

“I never understood it. I never understood why a woman would end a pregnancy, until I had to think about the idea of carrying him inside of me for nine months. I couldn’t do it. If I had been forced to do it… I think I might have killed myself, if not for Avi,” she said. “How could I raise a child that was conceived in unexplainable violence? And… what would that mean to them when they learned the truth? I–I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t want there to be secrets between us…”

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispered. “Absolutely nothing that happened to you, and nothing you did while you were with him was your fault… I don’t judge you, or love you any less for any of it.” He rubbed his nose against hers gently. “I love you. I have always, and will always love you.”

“I love you,” Marlena sighed, closing her eyes and breathing him in. 

“I love you. I adore you… Doc, you are my everything.” He kissed her softly. He would spend the rest of his life convincing her that she was irreplaceable, amazing, and the center of his life.

John’s fingers fluttered across her collarbone, and she shivered. She closed her eyes as she remembered her conversation with Hope a few days earlier.

Hope pulled the hairbrush through Marlena’s hair softly. “Have you allowed John to touch your hair yet?”

“I’m scared.” She swallowed thickly. “I’m so afraid that I’ll feel his fingers in my hair, or his nails across my scalp… and I’ll forget where I am, or who I’m with.”

Hope slid her fingers into Marlena’s hair gently. “Close your eyes,” she whispered.

Marlena took a shuddering breath. “What if–”

“–close your eyes, Mar.” Hope smiled when Marlena’s eyes fluttered closed. Leaning closer, she said, “Now imagine this is John.” She threaded her fingers more firmly in Marlena’s soft blonde hair, tugging softly. Marlena leaned back slightly, a soft moan escaping her lips. Hope curled her fingers, lightly scraping her fingernails across her scalp, “How does that feel?”

“Heavenly,” Marlena replied softly. And it did. It felt amazing. She tried to imagine what it would be like if she were surrounded by John’s musky cologne and the scent of his skin. Her lips parted slightly, and a quiet whimper escaped her. Opening her eyes, she looked up to find Hope watching her with intense green orbs. Reaching for her, Marlena pulled her mouth to hers, kissing her softly. “Thank you.”

Marlena took John’s hand in hers, staring at it for a moment, and then she said, “Touch my hair.”

He hesitated briefly, but lifted his hand, touching her head softly, sliding down the length of her hair. It was flaxen silk under his palm. “It’s so soft.” He sighed in pleasure, “You’ve always had beautiful hair, Doc.”

Marlena closed her eyes when she whispered, “After Avi was born, the first time Stefano…raped me, he held my hair in his fist, and he–”

John’s heart was breaking. “–Doc, you don’t have to talk about this. If you’re not ready… we don’t have to have these hard conversations.”

She opened her eyes, staring at him for a moment, before she said, “I want to be with you. In every way that matters… I want to be with you. Now. Forever. And–and in order for that to work, you need to know. I’m ready to have these conversations, and as hard as they are, I want to have them with you,” She stared into the fireplace, watching the flames dance against the brick. “Stefano used my hair to control me. He used it to put me where he wanted me. He used it to hold me down. I was able to get a pair of scissors, after the first few times he assaulted me, and in a blind panic… maybe to make myself unattractive, maybe to take away his control… I cut my hair. I cut it all off, as close to my scalp as I could. Great hunks of hair… and I thought if I was ugly, he would leave me alone. He didn’t. He laughed at me. He called me an imbecile, I believe, and he made sure I never found another pair of scissors again.”

John didn’t respond. He couldn’t respond, because the words that would fly from his mouth right then would have been no help to her. Pain, the kind that hits you deep in your soul, rolled through him at the thought of Marlena, so desperate to keep Stefano away from herself, that she cut all of her hair off. The desperation she must have felt – the loneliness, and the isolation. He listened, because, ultimately, that’s what she wanted, but John also knew that the end was coming for Stefano DiMera. He’d already discussed it with Bo. The plan was set, it was only a matter of time.

She placed her hand over John’s where her hair wrapped around his fingers. “My hair hasn’t been cut since then.”

“Do you want to cut it?”

“I thought about it. I hated it… it reminded me of everything I wanted to forget from my time with Stefano.” Marlena smiled, “And then with one phrase, Sami changed my mind.”

“When she said you had mermaid hair?” John asked.

Smiling softly, Marlena whispered, “Yes. The innocence of my eight year old girl made me look at my hair in a completely different light. I have mermaid hair, and she loved it.”

John thought about Sami sitting on the couch watching tv with her mother, her small hand playing with the ends of her mother’s hair. “She does.”

In a shaky voice she asked, “Can you run your fingers through it?”

He shifted himself, so that he came to sit in front of her. Leaning forward, he traced his fingers over her face tenderly. He laced his fingers into her hair, and watched in awe as Marlena shivered, leaning into his hands. Her eyes closed. 

“How does that feel, Doc?” John asked her, massaging his fingers into her scalp.

“Good… it feels good,” she sighed. It felt better than she imagined. “Can you tighten your fingers just a bit?”

“Yeah,” he said. His voice came out sounding thick with arousal, and he felt his cock twitch in his sweatpants. Memories of their life together jumbled together in his mind. He could remember wrapping his fist in her hair, and tugging her head back so she would be forced to stare into his eyes. He could remember pushing the length of himself into her welcoming heat, while scraping his fingernails across her scalp. And she had begged for it. She’d cried out for it.

Marlena’s voice quavered, “Do you remember… in Stockholm…”

“I do,” he groaned, feeling himself get harder just thinking about it. After rescuing her from Orpheus, and escaping through the tunnels, they had barely made it inside the hotel room, before John had spun her body around, and slammed her against the door. He’d devoured her mouth. He remembered holding her in place by her neck, and later, threading his fingers through her hair, pulling her head back to kiss her. It had been rough, wild, uninhibited, and completely consensual.

“I want that,” she whispered. “I want us to have that again. I want to be unafraid.”

He wanted that too. He leaned closer, “Tell me how to help you.”

Her abdomen clenched, and her core quivered. She was aroused thinking about it. She’d been aroused all day. “Kiss me like that. The way you did in Stockholm.”

John’s voice was rough, “If you want me to stop, say red.”

Her soft breath wafted across his cheek, “Okay.”

Her eyes pleaded with him to act. He closed the distance between them, telling her, “I love you.” 

Marlena smiled, “I know. Now kiss me.”

“Smart ass,” he mumbled, before his lips landed on hers. His mouth pulled at her softly, and just as she’d asked, he increased the pressure of his fingers in her hair. His nails scraped over her scalp, as he used his grip on her hair to gently tilt her head back. Her mouth opened with a soft gasp, and he groaned into her, his tongue lapping across her pillowy lips. Marlena moaned, and then whimpered, and he tightened his hold on her hair. She tasted so fucking good, and her hair wrapped around his fist was heaven.

She wanted that spark of pain. “Tighter,” she whined, and John tugged at her hair, feeling his cock lengthen.

“You are so fucking beautiful, Doc,” he murmured, pulling her head back roughly, and exposing her neck to his teeth. “The way you give yourself to me.” John bit at the soft flesh of her nape, and licked behind her ear, before biting at her ear lobe. “You are strong, beautiful, and absolutely fucking amazing.”

“I want you so bad,” she whispered, her tongue sweeping over his. She arched towards him, reaching for his face. “I ache for you so much,” she said, her fingers lightly playing over his jaw. “I dream about you,” she continued, allowing her fingers to lace into his hair.

John stared down into her hazel eyes. Eyes that held his soul. He had to be sure he was understanding her correctly. He could not fuck it up. He couldn’t hurt her or push her too far. “Doc?”

“Please, John?” she asked him. “I want you to make love to me.”

He took a shaky breath, “Do you think you’re ready?”

She nodded. “I want to try… I want to try with you.”

John smiled down at her. He gave her a sexy smirk, the kind that had her insides quivering, and he whispered, “Fuck, baby, you can try with me everyday.” John released her hair, and stood up, pulling her with him. He tugged her close, and kissed her again, and then said roughly, “Bedroom. Now.”

Chapter 31

Shivers raced through Marlena’s body as she stared up at John. His blue eyes were intense, saying more than his simple command. His eyes promised her a lifetime of love. She simply nodded, taking his hand, and followed him as he led her towards the back of the house. Marlena watched him with half-lidded eyes, as he closed the bedroom door behind them, and locked it. Her fingers shook as she started removing her clothes before he reached her.

John’s hand stopped her. Gently he reached out and continued unbuttoning her shirt. Every time his fingers grazed her soft skin he felt anticipation run the length of his body. She watched him with such trust, he found himself whispering, “You’re beautiful, Marlena.”

A sigh escaped her, when she felt his warm hands pushing the fabric aside. It slithered from her shoulders, dropping to the hardwood floor behind her. “I want to feel you,” she said softly, stroking his chest. She could feel the heat of him underneath her palm. The thought of his skin against hers made her start to tremble. The fear that had gripped her when she was first rescued from San Cristobal was gone. With John there was nothing but desire. She stared up at him, pleading, “Please?”

He nearly tore his shirt off in his effort to get her hands on him, and her body against his. He wanted her small hands caressing his chest. He wanted her fingernails raking across him. Roughly he said, “If you want to stop, or if you get scared, say red. I’ll stop.” Making sure she understood, he stared into her eyes, promising, “I’ll stop, Doc.”

She leaned forward, rubbing her cheek on his heated skin, as she whispered, “I’m not going to stop you.”

His voice choked with emotion, “But if you change your mind…”

She’d never felt safer in her life. “I know.”

Waiting a moment longer, checking for signs of nervousness or apprehension, he saw none. He wanted her. He wanted to watch her submit. That sweet look of bliss that would come over her face when she let go, and gave him control. Marlena was a woman who lived an emotionally controlled life. Allowing him to lead in the bedroom had always been her release. “Make love to you like we used to?” he asked her. “You’re sure?”

Marlena nodded. 

“No,” he said firmly, gripping her chin, and forcing her to meet his gaze. “Don’t nod, Doc. I need words. What color? Do you want me to make love to you the way we used to? Do you want me to lead this?”

“Oh, G-d, yes,” she whispered. “Please… green. Definitely green.”

He trembled with anticipation. Allowing his dominant side to come out, he released her, and stepped back. He swallowed thickly, and he felt his cock jerk almost painfully as blood rushed down his length. “Take your pants off, Doc. Now. I want to watch.” His cock surged in his pants, when he sat on the end of the bed, watching her slowly slide her jeans over her rounded hips. “Closer,” he commanded, reaching for her. He groaned low in his throat, “You make cotton panties so fucking sexy.” He slipped his index finger underneath the elastic at her waist. His eyes met hers. “The bra. Take it off.”

The relief was overwhelming. She didn’t have to think. She didn’t have to do anything but follow his commands, and feel, and oh, G-d, how she wanted to feel. Marlena reached behind her, releasing the clasp on her bra, and allowed it to slip from her shoulders onto the floor near her shirt. She gasped sharply, when he reached out, cupping her breast with one hand. He squeezed her flesh roughly, never letting her eyes stray from his. This was what she wanted. She wanted John to love her body the way he used to. She wanted to lose herself in abandon without intrusive thoughts and memories, and she knew it was going to take time, but with John, the practice would be worth it. 

Marlena gasped. A sharp, aching, pain shot straight to her pussy, when John pulled at her nipple. Rolling it between his fingers, he groaned. She arched into his touch, lost in his deep indigo eyes. He was watching her, staring into her soul, waiting for a response, and she whispered, “Harder! Please… John…” He increased his pressure, knowing that she felt the sting and pull of her flesh. Marlena’s head fell back, and she gasped, “So good!”

“Fuck, Doc,” he rasped, pulling her nipple up, lifting her breast high before he dropped it heavily. He immediately took her other nipple between his fingers, tugging it in a way that he knew would be a mixture of pain and overwhelming pleasure.

“Oh, fuck!” she cried, feeling her arousal seeping into her panties. The tremors in her sex were starting, and she knew she could orgasm simply from his touch. John knew her body so well.

John twisted her nipple, asking her, “What do you want, Marlena?”

Her pupils were blown, and her whole body was quivering. She reached for him, threading her fingers through his black hair. “You. Make love to me. Like you used to when I gave myself over to you, and you made my body sing.” He pulled at her flesh, and she cried out softly, “Please?”

Taking her hips in his hands, he pushed her back a step, and then stood up, looming over her. Threading his fingers in her hair, he tipped her head back, “Color?”

She felt her nipples tighten, and she gasped, “Green!”

Wanting to be sure she wouldn’t become scared, he tightened his hold, knowing she could feel the sting in her scalp. “Color?”

She felt the rasp of her nipples across the hair of his chest. “Green! John! Please!”

He let go of her quickly, and then pushed his sweatpants, along with his boxer briefs, to the floor stepping out of them. He carelessly kicked them to the side. Marlena glanced down, and then involuntarily licked her lips. The tip of her pink tongue moistened her pillowy mouth, and John couldn’t hold back his groan of desire. His cock bobbed as his blood throbbed, and pushed into his turgid length. Marlena bent to push her panties to the floor, but he stopped her. Sitting back down on the end of the bed, he leaned back, spreading his legs, and he watched her, saying,  “Don’t. I want you in front of me. Spread your legs.”

Her heart was thundering in her chest. She felt her core clench, and as she stepped closer, widening her stance, she felt the cool air wafting over her soaked cotton panties.

“Are you wet for me, baby?” he asked her. 

“Yes,” she whispered.

“If I run my finger over the gusset of these cute little panties, will they be damp?”

“Oh, G-d!” she breathed. “Yes!”

Reaching out with his index finger, John traced his fingertip down the middle of her sex, feeling the slippery viscous fluid of her arousal slide across his skin. “Fuck…”

“John!” Her fingers twisted in the elastic at her waist, as she whined, “Please!” 

Already knowing the answer, he asked her, “Do you need to come? Do it, Doc. Step closer, and slide your hand into your panties. I want to watch you come. I want to smell it.”

She stepped into the vee of his legs, and slid her trembling hand into the front of her cotton panties. Her eyes closed when her middle finger slid aggressively over her clit. It felt so good.

“Open your eyes, Doc.” John watched her eyes flutter, and stare down at him. “Don’t close them again.”

Don’t close them again. Her muscles quaked with desire, as she whispered, “Okay.”

He couldn’t see underneath the soft yellow panties she was wearing, and that made the experience all the more erotic. He could imagine her fingers rubbing her sex furiously, trying to reach a climax that would ultimately destroy her. He wanted to destroy her, and then he wanted to bring her back to life. He leaned close to her, licking a long line up her abdomen, while taking a deep breath. “You smell so fucking good, baby.” His teeth nipped her hip, and then he stared up at her. “Are you close?”

She was so close she felt like her legs might not be able to hold her. John’s mouth on her, and his filthy words pushed her closer to orgasmic oblivion. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t think past the pressure building in her core, and her desire to reach the peak. Small whimpers and whines left her lips.

Gripping her hips, John pulled her closer. Licking across her navel, he whispered darkly, “Come, baby. Come for me. Rub your clit, and explode for me, because I want to taste you.”

“Oh, G-d!” she cried. Her eyes couldn’t break away from his nearly black orbs. She fell over the precipice, and John’s arms wrapped around her to keep her from collapsing onto the floor. Almost immediately she was struggling to get her panties off. She wanted him inside her. “Take them off,” she whispered desperately. She couldn’t get her words right, so she whispered, “Green!”

John chuckled lightly, “I thought that would take the edge off?”

“No… no, no, no!” She squirmed against him, feeling his hard length pressed against her abdomen. “John… inside me. I want you inside me. Take them off!”

“I have plans, baby, and those plans involve you leaving these tiny cotton panties on.” He smacked her ass roughly, “Get on the bed, and spread your legs.”

Her sex was throbbing painfully, and the insides of her thighs were tacky with moisture. Laying on her back, she reached above herself, gripping the headboard with both hands, and she waited. Gasping for air, she watched John crawl up from the bottom of the bed. He planted his hands on either side of her thighs, and then leaned forward licking over the exposed gusset to her panties. Marlena’s hips bucked wildly, “Oh, G-d!”

He lapped his tongue along her inner thighs, cleaning her skin with long laps of his warm tongue. She was so aroused, the mere thought of his mouth on her sex had her on the edge of orgasm again. He licked over her sensitive skin, getting closer and closer to her core. When he finally latched his mouth over her clit, through the cotton, and breathed hot air on her, she exploded again. Her pussy clenched, and her muscles fluttered as she had her second orgasm. The cotton of her panties was soaked through, and she felt as if she were floating in a arousal filled haze. 

The mewling sounds she was making were driving him mad. He wanted to slip his tongue through her swollen folds, lapping inside her. His dick was so engorged, he grunted, pushing himself into the mattress. “You are so fucking wet, Doc.” He traced his finger over her, watching in rapt fascination as the cotton stuck to her skin. “So fucking wet…” John tipped his head, and then his tongue breached the edge of her panties, lapping inside at her soft pink flesh. John nearly came right then, from her cries alone. He gripped her hips, holding her body down. “You taste so fucking good.” His tongue lapped over her panties, pushing on her clit with every swipe.

Her hips pushed towards his mouth, aching for more. “John, please!”

“Fuck,” he groaned. He pushed the heel of his hand against her clit, saying roughly, “You’re leaking through the fabric, baby.” His mouth latched onto her again, sucking at the cotton, and then in desperation he wrapped his fingers under the gusset, jerking it to the side roughly. John’s lips sucked her clit into his mouth, and Marlena’s third orgasm rocked her, while his mouth sucked and pulled at her for the entire duration. She fell weakly to the bed after it was finished, but the ache was still inside her.

“It’s not enough,” she said desperately, rolling her hips. “It’s not enough.”

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, kissing his way up her body. Fisting his hand in her panties, he pulled them roughly down her legs, baring her naked flesh to the moonlight that streamed in through the window. He licked over her breasts, sucking deeply, leaving marks across her skin. He looked up at her, “I love you. I love you so fucking much, baby.”

“Make love to me… please,” she begged him, her eyes wide and pleading.

His hand cupped her face, “Do you want to ride me? To have more control?”

She’d considered it, before she’d even spoken to him in the living room. She’d considered all aspects of what she wanted from the evening. Softly she said, “No. No, no… I want to feel you… please, I need to feel you. Your weight on me… I need to feel you in me…”

With his hand on her thighs he pushed her legs wide, staring at her swollen pussy, pink and wet. His head dipped down, and his tongue lapped over her again, sucking and biting at her flesh. She felt the heat of his breath rush over her clit, when he moaned, “I could do this forever.”

Tugging at his hair, she cried, “John! Please!” She ached so deeply that she thought she might die from it.

Rising up over her, John lifted her thigh, holding it against him for a moment while he studied her face. “Color?”

Her fingers danced over his hip, tracing his soft skin. “Green.”

He leaned forward, pushing her leg back, and he lined his length up against the opening of her sex. She was so warm. With a groan of desire, he slid effortlessly into her. It was so overwhelming his breath was stolen for a moment. He pushed deep, trying to catch his breath. “So fucking hot… and wet…”

Marlena felt like she had died, and gone to heaven. He filled her up. He stretched her to the point of stinging pain, and still she wanted more. “Move. John, I need you to move.”

He buried his face in the fragrant silk of her blonde hair, groaning, “If I move right now, Doc, I won’t last.”

It didn’t matter if it was over in seconds, she needed him to move. She rolled her hips, bucking up against him, and his groan of arousal caused her pussy to contract around him. Lifting her tired body up from the bed, with a smile on her face, she bit his ear, whispering, “Move, Sailor. Now.”

He would do anything she asked of him. Anything. “Fuck, baby… whatever you want—anything for you,” he whispered, pulling out slowly, and easing back in. His head fell forward, and his arms linked under hers, pulling her against him.

Marlena groaned. John’s weight on her didn’t frighten her. She felt safe, and loved. Her fingernails scraped across his lower back, and his hips picked up a rhythm older than time. She clung to him, begging for more. 

“I love you, Doc. I love you. I love you.” His heated breath on her skin, and the rough timbre of his voice pushed into the abyss again. Marlena started coming, her muscles squeezing and pulling at his cock, and unable to hold back, John followed her into bliss.

It was a long time before either of them spoke. John shifted himself to the side of her, and stroked the length of her abdomen with his palm as if he were worshiping her. “How do you feel?”

“Amazing,” she said softly. “Exhausted in the best way.” She rolled over, facing him, and rubbed her face against his heated skin. 

John realized they hadn’t used  protection. They hadn’t even discussed it, and he was wracked with guilt. After everything she had been through, he hadn’t even considered it, “I didn’t use a condom. Doc… I… we didn’t talk about condoms, or birth control.”

“I know,” she whispered. It was another aspect of their time together that she had already considered. Hope had told her she was overthinking it, but Marlena had played it all through her mind a hundred times before she approached John that night.

“Fuck… I should have asked you! I’ve spent the last six months building trust, and having your consent for everything… because I want you to know that you matter… that I love you, and respect you, and then I do this!” John rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling, feeling like he’d made a huge error in judgment.

Propping herself up on her elbow, she stared down at him with love. “John, I love you for that, and I thought about it… I’ve been thinking about what we just did for weeks. But, I decided that, if I were to get pregnant… another baby with you would be a miracle. A baby that would be created in love, and… I would want that child so much.” She cupped his face. “Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I would welcome a child with you.”

Turning back towards her, he buried his face in her hair. A wide smile took over his face, and then his arm wrapped around her. Staring into her beautiful hazel eyes, he whispered, “Another baby with you would be pretty fucking amazing.”

Chapter 32

John’s quick business trip to St. Louis was actually a trip to New Orleans. Bo knew where he was. They had discussed it at length, although Hope and Marlena had no idea. To the two of them, it was a business trip, and nothing else. John and Bo had decided that Marlena and Hope didn’t need the worry that would come with knowing where he was, and what he was about to do. Bo had taken the children to Shawn and Caroline for the weekend, so that when John came home, he would be able to have time to process what he’d done. 

He stood in the dim light next to Stefano’s bed, in the plantation home called Maison Blanche, and he watched the old man sleep. John’s memories of Stefano were muted. He couldn’t differentiate between which ones were his, and which ones were Roman’s, and since Roman wasn’t willing to discuss anything with John, he knew he likely never would. Staring down at the sleeping face of Stefano DiMera, John noticed that he was older than he remembered, and larger. The fact that he had the ability to sleep peacefully in his own bed, when countless people had suffered at his hands was grossly unfair, and John was about to end it. His fist clenched at his side. He would end it for the pain that Stefano had caused Marlena. He would end it for Avi’s nightmares, and he would end it because of all the times Hope started crying softly for no explainable reason.

As he’d crept in, the house was silent in the dark of the night. John had easily disengaged the security system, using skills that he assumed he’d learned when he was Stefano’s mercenary. Drugging and disabling the guards had also required little energy. As he’d crept through a home that felt more familiar than it should, memories had come to him. Vague, misty, and hazy – images of sadness and pain, darkness and misery. He’d passed a hidden panel near the stairs, and images of a dank stone room and a drugged mind assaulted him. John knew he’d been there before. Even lacking the details, his vague memories were enough to tell him Maison Blanche would bring him nothing but pain if he forced himself to remember it. It was the first time in his memory that he had been grateful for his amnesia. 

Staring down at a man he hated more than anyone in existence, he leaned forward, and nudged the bed roughly, jostling Stefano. He wanted to memorize the moment when his dark eyes opened, and surprise filled them. Stefano’s eyes fluttered, slowly, seemingly disoriented, as he looked around the darkened room. When he realized who was standing next to him, they widened, and the satisfaction John felt filled his senses. Stefano would know why he was there, and he would know what was coming. The tracheostomy tube in Stefano’s throat would make speaking difficult, but not impossible.

John had a smug look on his face as he leaned over Stefano’s prone form, “Hey, old man.” Stefano could barely see John’s face cast in shadow, but he knew it was him. His size, and his voice, not to mention ever since he’d woken in an ISA hospital, he’d known his end would come at John’s hands. John’s hot breath wafted over his cheek, as he whispered, “I imagine you’re pretty scared right now. You can barely speak, you can’t move. Hell, you can’t even breathe on your own. The amount of insulin Doc injected you with should have killed you, but I’m glad it didn’t. I wouldn’t want that guilt on her for the rest of her life, but I’m going to end you, and never lose sleep over it.” John rounded the bed, lifting cords as he walked, and scanned over the whirring machinery nearby. Feigning interest, when he really had none, he asked, “What’s keeping you alive right now? All these machines?”

Staring at Stefano with burning hatred, John said casually, “You know, Doc’s been in therapy for nearly ten months, because of what you did to her. But you see, I’m not just here for Doc. I’m here for my son, who will never be safe in a world where you still exist. I’m here for Hope, because how many times did Marlena sacrifice herself to keep Hope safe from you? How many nights did Hope comfort Marlena after you fucking raped her?” 

In a raspy voice that sounded like gravel, Stefano said, “I do not need to resort to rape.”

“Fuck you!” John hissed. “If you coerce someone, if you watch them cry as you force your dick into their body that is rape! Did you truly believe she wanted you? You have no pride left. Look at you. Marlena never wanted you, and you used her love for Avi, and her love for Hope to coerce her. You threatened to take Avi, and you attempted to rape Hope. Marlena never did, and never would, have come to you otherwise.” Examining the devices that Stefano’s feeble body was hooked to, John looked over them slowly, and then unplugged the alarm that would sound if Stefano stopped breathing. The soft whir of the oxygen machine filled the otherwise silent room. He turned to Stefano smiling, “You know, I should probably thank you… for giving me the skills to kill you. I learned a lot. How to break into places with high level security systems, how to drug guards… and dogs. I learned how to cover my tracks.” Waving his gloved fingers at the man lying helpless in the bed before him, John said sarcastically, “Gloves. Always important. Don’t you think so?”

Stefano watched him in terror. Even as the machine pushed oxygen into his lungs, John saw his chest stutter in fear, and he reveled in it. John unplugged Stefano’s heart monitor, and the beeping stopped. The whirring of the oxygen machine seemed to grow louder. Stefano grunted loudly, unable to do more. “You will not get away with this.” 

“I won’t? I think we both know that I will.” Stefano was growing more, and more agitated, and John soaked it up like sunshine after a long winter. John studied him, hissing loudly, “You raped her, you fucking son of a bitch! You beat her. She gave herself three abortions to prevent herself from having to carry your fucking child!”

Stefano’s eyes widened, and John saw the rage that was reflected, but he said nothing. Marlena had killed three of his children, and he had known nothing about it.

John leaned over Stefano’s bed, “I hold her at night when the nightmares wake her. When she screams for me not to touch her, as she’s coming back to reality. She ended those pregnancies because the thought of carrying your child to term made her suicidal. She knew what you would do, so she took the opportunity away from you. She ended those pregnancies because you would have used those children to control her, and you would have taken Avi away from her. She knew that.” John could see the seething anger in the old man’s eyes, and he said softly, “That bothers you? Does it fucking piss you off? Six years, you sadistic bastard. Six fucking years, and did you think I would do nothing? Did you honestly believe I would let this go?”

Walking over to the electrical strip along the baseboard, John looked at him, and said, “If you thought I would stand by, and allow you to live after what you’ve done, you’re fucking insane.” John leaned down, and flipped the switch on the surge protector, smiling to himself, as he listened to Stefano’s ventilator hiss one last time. A long slow sound before it ceased to function completely. John stood up slowly, and then turned to face the evil in the bed. He leaned closer, his face inches from Stefano’s, and watched as his eyes bulged, and started to water. There was a slight wheezing as he tried to pull air into his lungs, but his organs were so damaged from Marlena’s attack with the insulin that they wouldn’t function without the machines. Unable to take a breath on his own, he was going to suffocate, and while it happened he would be fully cognizant of his own demise. The pleasure John found in that was immeasurable.

John continued talking casually while Stefano slowly died. “I could have killed you much more violently, I suppose, but it needed to be done this way. I needed to see the panic, and the fear in your eyes. I needed to tell you to your fucking face why you were dying.”

Stefano’s body convulsed, struggling to get air, but his muscles were failing him. He’d lost the ability to speak. His eyes bulged, and watered, but John wasn’t phased by any of it. John said, “Watching you struggle. Watching the panic in your eyes… my soul will feed off of that for the rest of my life, while you’re fucking burning in hell, old man. I told Doc, months ago, as soon as we had her safely away from you, that I was going to kill you. I promised her, and you know what she said? She told me, ‘Good‘. That’s telling, don’t you think? After six years of forcing yourself on her, pulling her fucking hair, choking her… scaring her child, and holding Hope captive, you still didn’t manage to break her. You will never fucking break her.”

Stefano’s eyes rolled back, as if he would pass out, and John reached out, slapping him. “Don’t you dare pass out, you lousy bastard!” John noticed spittle coming from the corner of his mouth. Stefano’s eyes rolled back, and his body started jerking violently, and John stood there watching it all with a quiet detachment. When his body finally stopped convulsing, and John noted purple mottled bruises appearing beneath the skin on his face, he was finally satisfied. He checked for a pulse, and then stood there for another fifteen minutes just to be sure. Before he left the room, he thought about his son, and he said, “Burn in hell, Shredder.”

Later, in the early hours of morning, as the dawn sun was creeping over the horizon, Stefano’s daughter, Kristen, found her father murdered in his bed. His monitor had been unplugged, and the surge protector switched off, which meant the power supply to the ventilator had been cut off. It was obviously murder, but Stefano had so many enemies, it could have been anyone. Instead of calling the police, she went to report it to the ISA officer stationed outside her home. That was when she found him on the ground collapsed with a syringe next to his body. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A summer storm was raging when John returned to Salem. He sped towards home, skirting downed trees and fallen power lines wanting nothing more than to get home, shower, and fall into bed beside the woman he loved. He arrived home around 6:30 in the morning. The house was silent, and finding his bed empty, he knew the next place to look would be Bo and Hope’s bedroom. He and Bo had allowed Marlena and Hope’s relationship to progress naturally. They were close, very close. In moments when one or the other was frightened or upset their friendship might cross the line into touches or kisses that other people might never understand, but ultimately it wasn’t their business. The longer they lived as a blended family the more the lines blurred. Shawn D sometimes called John, Papa… and Avi, Sami, and Eric had taken to calling Bo, Papa Bo. While Avi still called Hope by her name, Shawn D was sometimes forgetting and calling Marlena, Mama. What ultimately mattered within their little family was the love for each other, and the health and safety of the children. 

He smiled when he found Marlena asleep in Bo and Hope’s bed. Bo had Hope curled up in front of him, while Marlena curled behind her. Marlena’s arm was wrapped around Hope’s rounded abdomen. The baby was due any day. Watching Hope progress through her pregnancy had been a miracle in and of itself. All of them had grown closer in the process. The children were all referring to the new baby as their sister. John considered briefly that in most instances finding the woman you loved in bed with two other people might lead many people to jealous rages, but what he felt was comfort. If he died, Marlena would be taken care of. She would never be alone, and he could say the same for Bo or Hope. They would always be taken care of, because they were a unit.

He leaned over Marlena, brushing the soft blonde hair from her cheek. Her face was peaceful and serene, her blonde hair scattered about her on the pillow. She opened her eyes, staring into his dark blue ones. John had told her it was a business trip, but she knew it wasn’t true. There were clues. Bo had been more affectionate while John was gone. More hugs, soft words, constantly checking on her. Trying not to wake Bo or Hope, she whispered, “You did it, didn’t you? It wasn’t a business trip.”

He couldn’t lie to her. He wouldn’t lie to her. John said, “You… Hope, and Avi… you don’t ever have to worry about him again.”

Marlena started crying, like a dam had been opened, and the floods had begun. Soft, quiet tears that trailed over her cheeks. Rolling towards him, she reached for his face. She felt the bed shift, and Hope rolled towards her, touching her shoulder gently, “What’s wrong?”

Marlena couldn’t take her eyes away from John as she asked him, “He’s gone? You—you promise?”

Hope gasped softly, realizing what John had done, and then she felt Bo scoot closer to her. He reached across her, wrapping his arm around both of them. 

Catching John’s eyes, he asked, “It’s done?”

“It’s done,” he replied. He wiped the tears from Marlena’s face, and he stared at Hope for a moment. The silence in the room was deafening as  peace washed over them. “I watched him die.” John took a deep breath. The reality of what he’d done didn’t bother him, but his family’s reaction did. He took an emotional breath, and he whispered, “… and I enjoyed every fucking minute of it. I will never regret it, Doc. I did it for you, and Avi.” He touched Hope’s face with tenderness, and he said, “I did it for you.” He wasn’t ashamed of killing Stefano, but he was afraid they would think of him differently.

“John?” Marlena whispered. He leaned towards her, feeling tears sting his eyes. Lifting herself on her elbow, she said, “Honey? Can you look at me?” His eyes lifted to meet hers and she told him, “I’m glad. I need you understand that.”

“I waited for over a half hour to be sure… I watched him go, and then I checked… he had no pulse, and his skin started to mottle. He’s dead, Doc.”

Hope pushed her face into Marlena’s hair, rubbing her face against her soft skin. Taking a deep breath she sighed, “I’m glad.”

The telephone rang, startling them all. John’s eyes met Bo’s. He had a pretty fair idea of who was calling. John stood up, and answered it quickly, waiting to hear the British accent of Shane Donovan. “Hello?”

Shane took a deep breath, “John? It’s Shane. I think you know why I’m calling.”

“Hey, Shane,” John said. He could feel Bo watching him intently. He had an alibi. He and Bo had already arranged it with Victor. “Did something happen?”

“I’m calling because Stefano was found dead about a half hour ago,” Shane told him.

“Good,” John replied. “The lousy bastard should have died months ago.”

“I need to know your whereabouts last night, and early this morning,” Shane said. “I have to ask, because… well, Stefano is dead, and the circumstances are suspicious. You weren’t the only one who wanted him dead, but I still have to ask.”

John sighed, picturing Victor as he laid out the plan, and then he began reciting his alibi. “I had a business meeting in St. Louis, and a dinner that ran late. You can check my flight plan, and my dinner reservations. I just got home less than twenty minutes ago. You can even question my dinner companion if you’d like.”

“No. No, that won’t be necessary, although I’m fairly certain you’re lying to me,” Shane said. Of course, John had been the one to end Stefano DiMera’s life, and they would never be able to prove it. John had skills that even the most well-trained hired killers in the world could never hope to possess. 

John shrugged as if Shane could see him. “Like I said, Shane, you can check—”

“–no. No. I’m going to… I’m going to let this go…” Shane said carefully. There was nothing he could do. An investigation would be done, and no evidence would be found. Quietly, as if he were acknowledging the futility of an investigation, as well as the truth of Stefano’s death being something that needed to be done, he said, “Tell Avi that Donatello says hello.”

As John hung up the phone, he smiled widely. Bo breathed out a sigh of relief, and smiled back, falling back to the bed. He stared at the ceiling, “Did he buy it?”

“It doesn’t matter,” John said. “Shane knows I had something to do with Stefano’s death, but he won’t pursue it, and I didn’t leave any evidence. The world is better off without Stefano DiMera.” 

“He wanted to know if you did it, didn’t he?” Marlena asked him softly. She sat up, and reached for him, laying her hand on his abdomen.

“He did… and I don’t think he believed my alibi, but, I also don’t think he’s going to push this,” John said. He leaned down, kissing her softly, “I missed you.”

Marlena smiled against his mouth, “You weren’t even gone a full day.”

“It felt like a week,” he said. He glanced over at Hope when she winced, and then the electricity went out. “Shit. I thought this might happen. The storm is really bad.”

“Brady,” Hope said in a choked voice. She could feel the cramp and then the pop of her amniotic sac. “My water just broke.”

Marlena reached for the flashlight she’d placed by the side of the bed earlier. Turning it on she placed it on the bedside table. She smiled at John, “She’s been having contractions all night.”

John was wary, “Doc, this storm. There’s no way we’re going to be able to get her to the hospital safely.”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m a doctor.” She turned to Hope, sinking to her knees beside the bed. “How are you feeling darling? Are you ready for this?”

Hope was breathing through her contraction. Reaching behind her, she laced her fingers through Bo’s, and she said, “I’m ready to meet my little girl.”

“We’re all ready to meet her,” Marlena whispered. “Bo, honey, we’re going to need those supplies I gathered earlier. John, can you go into the bathroom, the one with the spa tub and run a bath for Hope? No bubbles.”

When both men had left the room, Marlena helped Hope slide her wet pajama bottoms off. “The last time I checked you were six centimeters.”

Another contraction came, and Hope gasped, allowing her knees to fall open as the pressure increased. “Oh, G-d, Mar! Another one.”

“Open your legs wider,” Marlena whispered. Reaching for the flashlight, she took a quick breath. She could see the baby’s head. A crown of dark hair, and she couldn’t help her smile. In ten months her life had changed so much. Hope’s baby was a new start, for all of them.

“The pressure,” Hope groaned. “Mar… I don’t think she’s going to wait for me to get into the tub!”

“She’s going to wait.” Marlena turned towards the door, just as lightning flashed, and thunder sounded outside. “John! John, I need you in here!”

John ran into the room, his heart thundering in his chest, and he smiled down at Hope. She stared up at him with wide green eyes, trying to breathe as another contraction started almost as soon as the last one ended. Her arms reached for him, and he lifted her against him. Marlena heard Bo’s feet on the hardwood floor as he ran towards the bathroom where John had the water running. 

With Hope in his arms, John kissed her mouth softly. “Are you ready for this, doll face?”

“Yes,” she said. She glanced over to find Marlena watching them, and she whispered, “Mar… Mar is going to get me through this.”

Bo had already stripped to his boxers, and gotten settled in the tub when John entered with Hope in his arms. Standing her up, Marlena started unbuttoning her shirt. Another contraction started, causing her to cry out, and John walked around her, sliding his hands underneath the back of her shirt. He started kneading her lower back, whispering softly, “Lean back into it, Hope.”

Marlena pushed Hope’s shirt off, and she whined in pain. Her legs shook. Stepping closer, Marlena’s soothing hands caressed her tight abdomen, “Breath, Hope. Breath through it. As soon as it passes, we’ll get you into the tub.”

“Bo! Bo!” she cried, looking around. 

“I’m here Fancy Face.” He watched as John lifted his naked wife, and walked her towards where he was waiting. It was then that he realized John had been right all along. This was his family, and right then it was more glaringly evident that it had ever been. Hope reached for him as soon as John placed her in the water. Her spine settled against his chest, and Marlena started to disrobe. 

Underneath she wore a sports bra, and a pair of John’s boxer shorts. She stepped into the tub with them, and then said quietly to John, “Can you turn on the towel warmer and get the towels ready?” Leaning forward, she softly ran her hands over Hope’s legs. “Open your legs. The baby was already crowing in the bedroom. I want you to start pushing on your next contraction.”

“It’s coming already!” she said in a breathless voice. “Mar!”

Marlena couldn’t help the tears of joy that started to fog her eyes. “Push, baby. Push!”

Next to the tub, John pushed the hair back from Hope’s sweat coated forehead, “One, two, three, four, five…”

Bo leaned close to his wife’s ear, “I love you, Fancy Face. I love you.”

Less than twenty minutes later, the wail of their daughter filled the bathroom, and Marlena started sobbing right along with it. Everything had changed. She lifted Hope’s daughter, placing her against her chest, and the world was complete. Leaning forward, she couldn’t help but kiss Hope’s soft lips. She was so proud. Her eyes caught Bo’s, and impulsively she kissed him. John reached for her hand, and then he asked Bo with a raised eyebrow, “So, are you going to finally tell us what her name is?”

Bo laughed, knowing that the secret had made the whole family crazy. Smoothing his hand over his daughter’s back, he said to Hope, “You wanna do the honors, Fancy Face?”

Softly she said, “Say hello to Deidre Ann Brady.”

Chapter 33

On a warm spring day in early May, John stood on the beach overlooking the lake, and stared into the eyes of the most beautiful woman he had ever known. Marlena got exactly what she’d asked for. A small backyard wedding surrounded by the people she loved most. He pledged to love her for the rest of their lives. His hands cupped her abdomen. Marlena’s belly was rounded with their child. He couldn’t help but smile at the memory. Four months earlier, on the night Bo and Hope had their daughter, Marlena had told him she was pregnant. 

Glancing at the people around him, he was in awe. Barely a year earlier, he’d been lost, completely lost. Roman had returned to Salem and taken it all away from him. As he and Marlena stood there, they were surrounded by Eric, Sami, Carrie, Avi, Bo, Hope, Deidre Ann, and Shawn D. Marlena hadn’t wanted anyone else there, and to her, their small gathering was nothing less than perfect. Their family, their home in Salem – everything was perfect. She was still doing intense therapy with Kim, but it was down to one session per week. Something had changed the day Stefano DiMera died. Her life had started over. The birth of Deidre Ann, her own pregnancy, and Bo’s final acceptance of their lives together had brought a peace to her soul.

John stared into Marlena’s hazel eyes after the ceremony, “Are you happy?”

“I don’t have words to express how happy I am,” she whispered. 

Later that night, after the children were in bed, and Bo and Hope had tucked in for the evening, John sat on the small beach with Marlena. He wrapped in his arms around her, and brushed her hair over her shoulder. Kissing her shoulder softly, he told her, “I waited my whole life for you.”

Marlena turned her face to him, watching the shadows play over his face in the moonlight. “I waited my whole life for you.” She sighed, “I never thought I would ever be this happy, and yet here I am.”

John ran his nose over the side of her face gently. “Are you ready for another baby in the house?”

She stared at him for a moment, and then said, “I think it’s a girl.”

He laughed, “Is that a guess, or did you sneak and have Dr. Bader tell you? What if it’s a boy?”

“I’ll be surprised if it’s a boy,” she said with a light laugh. “My pregnancy with Avi was easy, but this one… I’ve been sick almost the whole time. I think it’s a girl. We have two months, and we haven’t seriously discussed names yet.”

“Have you been thinking about it?” he asked her. Deidre Ann was such a joy. John thought about having another girl in the house, and he smiled.

“I have a little,” she said. “I like the name Oscar or maybe Aaron for a boy, but for a girl…I—” Marlena stopped speaking for a moment, and then she said, “When I was with Stefano, I read a lot. I was having trouble reconciling my faith with what G-d had allowed to be my existence. I named Avi for Abe, because we both loved Abe, but Abraham also means “father of nations”. It’s a strong name. A name with a purpose, and even his nickname, Avi, is a reference to you, because it means ‘my father‘.” Sitting up straighter, she turned to face him, and said, “I still have my faith, but I found strength in understanding it in different forms. I found appreciation for individuals in the Bible that I had never considered before. Women who were strong, like Dinah, and Serida. Esther was one of those women.”

He stared at her for a moment, “You want to name the baby Esther?”

“No,” she said laughing again. “Esther was the name she took when she was made queen. It wasn’t her real name. Her real name was Hadassah… it means peace, and love.”

John whispered, “Hadassah… it’s a beautiful name, but a mouthful.”

She cupped his face, and whispered, “So is Abraham, but I’d want to call her Dasha.”

John had a strong feeling come over him, deep in his gut, in the instant she said it. A feeling that Marlena was right, and their baby was a girl… and her name would be Dasha. He smiled at her, and said, “Have you thought about a middle name?”

“Hope,” she said softly. “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, but the middle name will be Hope. I won’t change my mind on that. When Hope arrived in San Cristobal, I’d already been there for three years. I was destroyed, and the only thing I lived for was Avi. She changed everything, John. Her middle name will be Hope… in honor of Hope, but also because this child has brought me hope.”

“I like Oscar,” he said slowly. “… and I like Dasha, but my gut is telling me, you’re right. I can feel it. I feel it in my soul, when you said we would call her Dasha. It’s beautiful.” He tugged her close, placing his palms on her rounded belly. “Our little Hadassah Hope Black.”

Marlena rested on her haunches, and leaned her forehead against John’s, “I am so happy here. I want us to stay here forever.”

He was quiet for a moment, and then said, “We could… if you wanted.”

Marlena turned slightly, in his arms, looking at him in awe, “What? I thought this was temporary. Victor was allowing us to stay here until we searched for something else.”

“I own the house,” he said shyly. “I bought it from Victor before we moved in here.”

“You never said…” she told him.

“It wasn’t important at the time,” John said. “It was the perfect house for our family, and Victor wasn’t using it. So, I bought it.”

Tears filled her eyes. “It’s our house?”

“Yes, Doc. It’s our house… for all of the children, and Bo and Hope. Our family.”

She smiled, “Our family… Really?”

“There was nothing holding me in Salem except the twins and Carrie. Everyday was so painful, and then I found you. Together with Hope, and Bo… we have made a family so full of love. Something beyond anything I could have imagined. I will live my life in bliss, with you,” John said, kissing her lips softly. 

She was quiet for a moment and then she said, “I will miss the house in Seabrook though.”

John’s mouth quirked into a smirk, and he looked away.

“John!” she exclaimed. “Did you buy that house too?”

“I wasn’t sure at the time, and it seemed the easiest way to keep nosey landlords away,” he told her emphatically. “Hey! Bo agreed at the time.”

“So…” she hedged. “In theory we could spend the summers there?”

“I can work from anywhere.” He watched her eyes light up. He didn’t tell her that he’d been discussing a return to the police force with Bo. That could be a conversation saved for later. “And Bo can get time off if he needs it.”

Marlena thought about having the baby, and raising her with Hope by her side. It made her incredibly happy, until she thought about Roman. “But Roman…”

“Roman has made no attempt to even begin on the judges list of requirements to review custody. I’m not sure he will,” John said softly. “Until he does, we need to do what’s best for the family… what’s best for you and Hope.”

Marlena’s eyes lit up, “The twins will love it, and Avi and Shawn D would be so happy to go back.” 

“And we have enough room, even for Carrie, if she decides to come, you know we do,” John said, feeling excited just watching Marlena. “Have you decided if you want to start practicing psychiatry again?”

“—I don’t,” she said quickly, turning around to lean back on him again. She watched the moonlight reflect on the lake as the small waves beat against the shore. “I discussed it with Hope the other night when I couldn’t sleep, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be that woman again. I know I’m doing better, but I’ll never be able to practice psychiatry. My own experiences, and my own memories are enough right now. I have to be aware of my limitations… and I’m not ready to do that. I may never be.”

“You don’t need to be that woman. You can do whatever you want, baby. Whatever you want, and I’ll support that. Stay with the baby, raise our children… hell, learn to cook. I don’t care, as long as you’re happy.”

She couldn’t help but laugh, “Learn to cook? What are you saying John Black?”

John’s hand smoothed over their baby where it rested inside her, and he chuckled. “Anything you want. You could focus on your painting.”

She curled into him, and settled her palm on his chest. She was so grateful for the life she had. “I want you to know how much you mean to me, how much I love you. You saved my life, you know. Stefano was about to ship Avi off to a boarding school, and I know… I know, I never would have seen him again, and what would I have had to live for at that point? You saved me, and when you had me… you saved me again, just by loving me.”

“Doc, when I heard your voice that night, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. I snatched up the telephone so fast, and when I realized that it was you… I would have done anything, anything, to get to you.” John stroked her face. “Come here, pretty lady,” he said with a laugh, as he wrapped his arms around her, and tumbled Marlena onto the blanket underneath them. He kissed her neck, and then ran his nose behind her ear, feeling her body shiver in his arms. “I am so fucking lucky to get a second chance with you, Mrs. Black.”

Marlena felt in awe as she whispered, “I’m your wife.”

“That’s a fact,” he told her. “You’re my wife… and I think I want to take you in the house, and make love to you. It’s time to consummate this marriage.”

“I’m huge,” she said with a laugh.

“You’re fucking sexy as hell, that’s what you are!” John kissed her deeply, allowing his tongue to slide over hers slowly. “Every curve on this sexy body is mine.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bo came to stand behind Hope as she watched Marlena on the beach with John. “Does it make you sad to watch her with him?”

“No,” she said quietly. “I’ve always known how much she loves him, even when I had amnesia. She never hid that, the same as she knows how much I love you.”

“You love her,” Bo told her softly. It was the first time he’d ever directly brought it up, although they had probably discussed it indirectly in a hundred different ways.

Hope was very quiet for a moment, and then she turned around, cupping his jaw lightly. “So do you.”

“It’s not the same,” he said quickly. He didn’t want to talk about the way he had recently started feeling about Marlena. For as long as he could remember she had been family, a sister… more recently it was something more. Not sexual, but certainly less familial. There were moments when she laughed, and he would find himself staring at her with a smile. He would look up, and find Hope watching him. He knew it didn’t bother her. The same way it didn’t bother him when he saw John’s growing affection with Hope. Maybe that’s how it would always be. They were a family. They would spend the rest of their lives together, as friends, as family, raising their children together. Even with his relationship with John, Bo found himself growing closer than he’d ever been with Roman, Kayla, or Kim. 

“I’m not jealous.” She watched him for a moment. “I think it’s to be expected that we are all going to grow closer. We depend on each other. All of us depend on each other, and as much as you deny it, you feel more for her than you think you should.”

“Fancy Face,” he whispered, still trying to deny the truth in what she was telling him. “I love you.”

“And I love you, but I can also admit… I love Marlena too. I loved her before I remembered who I was, and I’ve been trying to mix those two halves of myself ever since.” She tipped up on her toes, kissing him softly. “And you can love her too. More than a friend… not quite a lover.”

Bo sighed, “If someone had told me a year ago that this would be my new normal, I would have denied it.”

Hope tapped his cheek with a smile, “You’ve come a long way, Bo Brady.”

“John and I were talking about him rejoining the force,” he said quietly, glancing back down to where the two of them laid on the beach.

“Has he discussed it with Marlena?” she asked him, following his gaze.

“Not yet, but he misses it so much.” Bo smiled widely as he thought about it, “He said we could be partners, and I swear, Hope, that sounds like the best job. I miss working with him.”

“He was your boss,” she laughed. “You argued all the time.”

“That’s when he thought he was my brother, and he could boss me around,” he told her.

Hope cocked an eyebrow at him in a sassy way, “He still bosses you around.”

Bo smiled widely. It was true. John was the dominant one in the family, but the way he did it made everyone respect him. Bo had never considered himself the type to follow the lead of someone else. He was usually the one who led, but at home, he let John take the lead. “Yeah, but for some reason, I don’t mind as much.”

Chapter 34

Hadassah Hope Brady was born a month later by cesarean section in Seabrook Washington. Bo and Hope had been in charge of trying to figure out how to get five small children, and a teenager to the hospital the next day. They rented a van that could seat twelve. No one had even thought to plan for the baby to be born in Washington. She came four weeks early, and weighed nearly nine pounds. The diagnosis of gestational diabetes had been missed completely, leading to an early delivery and a larger than normal baby. They had no clothes, no baby supplies, and no car seat. Everything was at their home in Salem. With all of the children in tow, the adults had made a mad dash to the nearest department store the following morning, buying up everything they could think of that would be suitable for any gender, and then everyone had gone to the hospital, arriving barely thirty minutes after she entered the world.

Bo held Deidre Ann in his arms, while Carrie was in charge of Avi and Sami. Hope made sure to keep track of Eric and Shawn D. It was a cacophony of chaos that descended on the labor and delivery unit of the hospital. Bo approached the nurses desk, asking breathlessly, “Marlena Black?”

The nurse glanced at him with wide eyes, “She’s in room 504, but it’s only immediate family sir.”

“We are her family,” he said in frustration. 

“Immediate family,” the nurse repeated, staring at the people surrounding her desk.

Hope stepped forward, and leaned against the counter. Carrie watched her with interest. “We are immediate family, and we don’t have to explain that you.” Turning away from the desk, Hope started walking down the hall, and everyone trailed behind her without question.

Carrie had been watching her parents, as well as Bo and Hope over the last two weeks, and she saw a dynamic she wasn’t familiar with. Marlena and Hope were very close. Closer than she’d known them to be when she was young. Bo and John didn’t argue at all anymore, even though her Dad was just as bossy as he’d always been. Then there was the way John protected Hope, and Bo’s affection for Marlena. She hadn’t asked for an explanation, but what she’d seen with Hope answered all of her questions. Hope was right. No explanation was needed. They were all immediate family. How they fit together and what their roles were didn’t matter to anyone but them. 

“I wanna see my sister!” Shawn D said.

“You don’t even know if it’s a girl,” Carrie laughed.

“Mama says she thinks it’s a girl,” he replied, “And Mom agrees, so it’s a girl!”

That was another thing she found interesting. Marlena had become Mama to all of the children, while Hope was Mom. John and her Uncle Bo were Papa interchangeably, and to the children it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe it wasn’t. 

“I think it’s a girl too,” Bo told Shawn D. “Your Mama is one smart cookie.”

Sami laughed loudly, “Cookies aren’t smart.”

“Mama’s smart,” Eric interjected. “And if Papa says she’s a smart cookie then she is!”

Carrie looked at Avi, and he smiled and shrugged his shoulders. If there was a smart cookie in the family it was him. Avi functioned on the level of an adult most of the time, but she had a feeling that it was because of trauma. He had seen and heard too much in his young life. “And what about you, Avi? Do you have any guess about the new baby?”

“A sister,” he said seriously. “I had a dream, and she said she’d been waiting for the right time. She tried to come before… but it wasn’t her time yet. Now it is.”

Hope almost tripped. “When did you have that dream, Avi?”

“I don’t know,” he said as if it didn’t matter. “I have dreams all the time.”

Hope didn’t say anything else, but Marlena had told her almost two months earlier that a little girl had come to her in a dream saying almost the same exact thing. Bo watched his wife, but said nothing. 

Inside her hospital room, an exhausted Marlena held her baby girl in her arms and marveled at little Dasha. She looked identical to Avi with dark blue eyes, and black hair. Her round face studied everything, as she took in her surroundings. John had been concerned when she hadn’t cried at birth, simply gazing about with wide eyes. Dash had taken a deep breath and stared at the world with wondrous blue eyes.

The doctor hadn’t been concerned at all. Dr. Seiden had laughed, and told John, “Not all babies cry at birth.”

John sat beside Marlena, and watched her with their daughter. Marlena looked up at him, and said softly, “She’s been waiting for me. Waiting for me to be ready to have her, and now she’s here.”

Slightly confused, he said, “Doc?”

“I had a dream, and a little girl with dark hair and blue eyes told me, ‘When you’re ready, I’ll be there’… and here she is. I know it sounds far fetched—”

“–It doesn’t. It really doesn’t,” he said, feeling a tear escape his eye. This baby, their Dasha, was the culmination of their reunion. She had simply been waiting until the time was right, and Marlena needed that knowledge to heal. He’d felt it earlier, on the beach in Salem, when Marlena had said her name. Dasha. He’d felt it then. It was perfect, and it was right.

A nurse knocked on the door, and said, “You have a whole troop of people here to see you. They are all claiming to be immediate family. Are you up for visitors?”

“Yes. Yes, yes,” Marlena said with a huge smile. She was exhausted, and she would need some sleep soon, but right then, she needed to share her joy with the people she loved. As everyone filed in, she couldn’t get over the joy that filled her up. Every corner, every nook and cranny where sadness used to make its home, was filled with contentment, and happiness. A year and a half ago, she was barely eking out an existence, dying slowly everyday. She couldn’t have imagined a day like today. “Come in and see your little sister.”

“It’s a girl?” Eric asked. “Avi had a dream it was a girl, but that’s okay… girls aren’t too bad.”

“I like girls, okay,” Avi said, climbing up onto the foot of the bed. “I like Deidre Ann, and girls smell good sometimes.”

“I got a sister?” Sami said softly, edging towards the bed slowly. “Can I see her? Papa, can you lift me up?”

Bo handed Deidre Ann to John because her fat little arms were reaching for him, and she was about to start screaming. Then he scooped Sami off the floor, and sat her near the bottom of Marlena’s bed. Stepping towards Marlena, he cupped her face gently, and kissed her cheek. “You look tired, Mar.” Turning his attention to the baby in her arms, he said, “She’s beautiful, Marlena.”

Marlena smiled, “She is, isn’t she?” Bo’s eyes held warmth and love, and Marlena whispered, “Would you like to hold her?”

“Can I?” he asked.

“You’re her honorary Papa.” She lifted her daughter, watching Bo reach out to take her gently in his arms.

Hope came close, tracing her finger across Dasha’s cheek. “She’s beautiful, Mar. She looks just like Avi.”

“She does,” Marlena said softly. 

John jostled Deidre Ann in his arms. Leaning towards his daughter, he said softly, “Do you see that, my little Dee Dee Bumblebee? Meet your sister, Hadassah Hope Black.”

“Habassa?” Shawn D asked.

Hope chuckled at her son’s mispronunciation. “Hadassah, but if I remember correctly, Marlena told me once her daughter would be Dasha.”

Marlena started crying, as she looked at Hope, “You remember that?”

Hope stepped closer, reaching out to touch Marlena’s face gently. Her thumb brushed her skin. “I remember everything you’ve ever told me, and you were right. You said she would come some day, and she’s beautiful.” 

Carrie was again struck by the closeness between Marlena and Hope. She watched her Uncle Bo stare at Dasha as if she were the most beautiful baby he’d ever seen, and then she looked at John. The man she considered her father. He held Deidre Ann in his arms watching Bo with his daughter. It was then that Carrie corrected herself. Their daughter. Dasha was Marlena and John’s daughter as much as she was Bo and Hope’s daughter. All of the children were their children.

Bo brushed his lips over Dasha’s forehead, completely enamored with her wide blue eyes as she stared up at him. “She is,” he said. “She looks just like Avi and John… except girlier.”

Dasha continued to stare around the room with wide eyes, and Hope said as if she just remembered, “Carrie and I ran out to the store and got some things. None of us were prepared for this little one to come so soon. We thought we would be back in Salem when she came.” Lifting a large bag, she sat it on the bed near the twins

“I got her something, too!” Avi said, bouncing slightly on the tips of his toes. “Me and Eric picked it out, and Sami got her something.”

“Oh! Let me see,” Marlena said excitedly. Eric rummaged around in a shopping bag, and pulled out a red onesie. He slid up on the bed as Avi climbed up, and handed it to his mother, pride shining on his little face. Marlena nearly burst into fits of laughter when she saw silk screened Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on it with the words ‘Cowabunga Dude!’ scrawled underneath. She smiled at them, and said, “I love it!”

John couldn’t suppress his laugh. The boys fascination with all things Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was an endless source of hilarity in their household. When Eric had grown out of his pajamas, Marlena had cut the feet out so that he could continue to wear them, and once he was too big, Shawn D had promptly taken them over. It was only a matter of months before they became Avi’s. “I see we’re sticking to brand, huh guys?”

“Me next! Me next!” Sami said, wiggling out of John’s arms, and reaching to rummage through the shopping bag for the item she’d selected. She pulled out the softest, fluffiest, pink blanket Marlena had ever seen. Gushing with excitement, she said, “It’s really warm, and really soft, and I told Carrie, if they made big ones, for big kids I would want one.”

“Oh… Sami, it’s beautiful,” Marlena said, gently running her fingers over the fabric. “Do you want to lay it out on my lap, and help me wrap her in it?”

Sami suddenly seemed nervous, and she said, “Yes.”

“I got her something,” Shawn D said quietly. He looked at Hope warily, and then whispered, “What if they don’t like it?”

“They are going to love it,” Hope told him. “Mar will love it, because you picked it out.”

Approaching the bed slowly, he pulled the edge of the bag forward, and pulled a small knit yellow hat out. Handing it to Marlena, he said, “I saw a baby with one once and it was a cute baby.”

It was a Winnie the Pooh hat, made of soft jersey. Marlena smiled immediately notinging the embroidered face, and the bear ears sewn at the top. “Oh! Shawn D! This is a lovely choice.” Glancing at Bo, she said, “Bring her here.”

Bo held Dasha, and his eyes met Marlena’s as she slipped the hat on the baby’s head. Shawn D smiled widely, and stepped closer, reaching up to touch Dasha’s hand. His pride was evident. Bo told him, “You made a great choice, Sailor man.”

Dasha started to fuss, and Marlena reached for her, knowing she needed to be fed before she could go to sleep. She was tired as well, and she knew the following day the doctor would want her out of bed and walking around. Bo approached, and waited patiently as Marlena adjusted her hospital gown to feed her. She got the baby adjusted, watching her latch onto her breast with enthusiasm. 

Hope smiled, “She’s doing much better than Deidre Ann did with breastfeeding.”

Marlena smiled, “I’m grateful. I’m too tired to fight that battle. She latched on the first time right after surgery as if she’d been doing it in the womb.”

Bo watched in fascination, confused about his own feelings. Dasha wasn’t his child, but he loved her as if she were. The same way John loved Deidre Ann. It was an immediate attachment. He’d looked at her and held her, and known that he would die for that child. 

Marlena yawned watching her daughter suck at her breast. John knew she was tired. She’d been in labor all night, and then once they’d realized she wouldn’t dilate past 5 cm because the baby’s head was too large, she’d been taken into surgery. He looked around the room, and said, “I think Mama needs some sleep, so you guys should head out, but in a couple days, we’re bringing this little one home, and it’s bottles, diapers, and sleepless nights all over again. Who’s ready?”

“She’s going to cry a lot like Deidre Ann did?” Avi asked.

“I’m not touching any diapers,” Eric said.

“Can I help feed her?” Sami asked. “Hope let me feed Deidre Ann and I did a good job.”

“I’m sure glad that ain’t my baby,” Shawn D said loudly. “But I’m happy to have a new sister.”

Chapter 35 – Epilogue

Seabrook Washington, Summer 2007

Marlena stood in front of her drafting table with her paintbrush in her hand, and simultaneously looked over the chaos that was her living area. Glancing back at her painting she almost immediately forgot the mess. Most of her paintings were chaotic representations of emotions and life. When she first started painting, it was a whim. Something she’d read about years earlier as a therapeutic option, but the idea kept coming to her. She’d needed something to calm her rampant mind. John had been more than willing to get her set up in a corner room of their large lake house in Salem. In Washington, she used a corner of the kitchen, right next to the floor to ceiling windows. She stared out the window watching the sun play off of the water in the bay. They were spending a month of the summer in Washington, and coming back to the Seabrook house always brought her peace. 

Turning her attention back to her table, she stared at her painting. What she felt, the color, the passion, all of it was translated onto paper. Watercolor allowed her to manipulate what was happening in her mind. Muted colors versus full vibrancy spread across heavyweight art paper. The first year or so, she simply collected them in a corner, not willing to throw them away, but not sure what to do with them. Everything changed when she had gifted several to Salem University Hospital for an art benefit. Maggie Horton had been over the moon to receive them. She’d had them framed and they’d sold for much more than Marlena had ever considered them to be worth.

In twelve years since, she’d had three shows at a gallery in Salem, and another in Seabrook. Marlena’s art was separated into time periods. There was the time prior to Stefano – when the twins were born, the pain of Roman’s death, and then her time with John. Marlena could say that she had never understood the abstract until after her time with Stefano. It hadn;t been concrete enough. Everything in her life had needed to be structured, settled, and coordinated. Paintings need to be realistic, and detailed for her to truly enjoy them, and appreciate the work that went into them. After six years of intense abuse and trauma, chaos no longer scared her. Her time with Stefano was dark, interspersed with color when she thought of Avi and Hope. Her time after her rescue had dark moments, but depending on where she was emotionally, the light would fill the page. Sometimes she reveled in it, and it came out in watercolors that sold for thousands of dollars to people who appreciated her form of abstract, colorful, chaos.

Looking at the floor in front of the fireplace again, Marlena realized that if the legos were not picked up off the floor, she would step on one. Stepping on a stray Lego was absolute torture, and the last time Bo had stepped on one the most colorful language had flown from his mouth. “Dasha!” she called from where she stood. She knew that her daughter’s nose had been buried in a book for the majority of the day, and she was probably in a large cushioned deck chair. “Dasha, honey, come here please.”

Dasha came into the house, still reading her book, wearing overalls that were rolled to the knee with her long dark braid tossed over her shoulder. Without even glancing up, she said, “Mama?”

“Do you know where everyone else is? I seem to have lost track of everyone,” Marlena said absently.

Dasha looked up, and grinned. “Sometimes when you paint, we say things, just to see if you react.”

Marlena stared at her blankly for a moment. At fourteen she was the spitting image of her father. Her blue eyes were captivating, and combined with her dark hair she was destined to be a beauty. With a short chuckle, she said, “I can only imagine. So what did I miss?”

“Shawn D is working for the ISA. Both Papa’s are on a top secret mission that I am not allowed to speak of. Eric is studying abroad in Spain. Avi is at MIT this summer. Sami was trying to keep Oscar and Aaron under control, but those two are insane, so she took them to the beach, and told me she hopes they run until they pass out. Deidre Ann is at Julliard this summer, and Mom is taking a nap. I’m outside reading,” Dasha said, accounting for every member of their household, except for her father who was at work.

Marlena stared at her daughter. The smirk on her face said it all. Sighing, Marlena replied, “I know where Shawn D, Eric, and Deidre Ann are smart aleck. I was referring to everyone else.”

“You didn’t stipulate,” she said. Dasha’s hair was wild, loose strands of dark curls framing her face, and her cheeks were pink from the sun and the wind. Marlena said, “Your braid is falling out.”

“Your ponytail is crooked,” the child laughed, noting her mothers wild blonde halo, and her sagging ponytail. “So aren’t we a pair?”

Marlena smiled. Her life was the best form of chaos, and before the horror of living under Stefano DiMera’s thumb, this type of life might have literally made her crazy. Carrie had mentioned it several times. Marlena, herself, sometimes marveled at who she’d become. John embraced it, jokingly saying, I always thought you acted like you had a stick up your ass, but it was adorable.

She processed what Dasha had told her, and she said, “So the lego mess belongs to a set of eleven year old twins, and Sami.” Placing her paintbrush in the glass of water, and wiping her hands on her pants. Of course, Samantha Gene was involved. “I’m not surprised. Help me clean up?”

Dasha dog-eared her book, and placed it on the table next to her mother’s latest painting. She stared down at it, noting the dark colors in the background, covered over with vibrant splashes of deep reds, oranges, and yellows. “It’s really beautiful, Mama. What were you thinking about? It must have been nice.”

“Years ago,” Marlena said softly, touching her daughter’s face. “I had a dream. In it, a little girl, who looked exactly like you, gave me a message. A message of faith, love, and patience. I was thinking of you.”

Dasha loved her mothers words. Marlena could weave a picture with her words that would have Dasha in another world as she closed her eyes, and imagined it. She was able to do the same thing when she read books, imagining a world completely different from the one she lived in. In truth, she loved her whole family, and there weren’t many fourteen year olds who did. Dasha wasn’t one to go to parties, or hang after school socializing. She wanted to be at home with her Papa’s, and her Mom. She wanted her Mama’s arms around her, and she wanted the chaos of Oscar and Aaron in the background while she disappeared into novel after novel. With Deidre Ann gone for the summers, she would sometimes call her on the telephone and beg her to play her violin while she closed her eyes and imagined a different world.

Dasha was desperate to get back to her book, and she saw an opportunity. “Okay, I’ll help you clean up, but then I want four hours of uninterrupted reading.”

“Four hours!” Marlena said in shock. “What on Earth are you reading?”

“Dad picked it up for me yesterday, as a surprise… Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.”

Dasha went through books like no other child Marlena had ever known – even faster than Avi went through comic books. “Why don’t you tell me about the book while we clean up?”

Dasha looked so excited that she might explode, “It’s the last book in the series! Harry’s trying to track down all of Voldemort’s horcruxes, because he split his soul into pieces, and put the pieces into items to keep them safe, essentially making himself immortal. “

Marlena stared at her for a second, and said, “Oh, my…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena looked up from the stove when John walked into the house, followed closely by Bo. In the middle of a thought she asked, “Do you think I can cook now because I’m not so uptight?”

John started laughing. “You still can’t cook without a recipe, Doc, but I think,” he said, coming to stand behind her, “that you have less going on in your mind. Maybe you have fewer expectations, and therefore you’re more relaxed.” He kissed her neck, and then turned to reach for a coffee mug.

“Huh, less distracted…” she said, stirring the chili in front of her. “I feel more distracted.”

Bo came closer, resting his hand on her hip, and then leaned forward to look over her shoulder. He took a deep breath of the chili, and then kissed her cheek. “Where is Hope?”

Marlena smiled at him, “You should probably check on her. She’s been sleeping for a while.”

After Bo left the kitchen, John came closer. He leaned over her back, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Doc, you carried the weight of the world on your shoulders, even before Orpheus took you, and then Stefano got his hands on you. How could you worry about cooking when you were being stalked, and Renee was killed, Sam died… no, I think you couldn’t cook, because it simply wasn’t a priority, and that never bothered me. I can’t cook either,” he told her with a laugh.

Tipping her face up to his, she kissed him softly, “You always know how to say the perfect thing. How do you do that?”

John laughed, and she found so much joy in their life together. “Don’t lie to me, Doc. I pissed you off pretty badly that time I said you had a stick up your ass.”

She turned to face him, staring up with laughing eyes. “Oh! I wanted to strangle you… but, there was truth to it. I was so scared of letting go, that I had to control everything to feel safe. Six years of never being safe… forces you to realize that you have no control… over anything.” She glanced down the hall toward where Bo had disappeared. “Even who you love.”

“Even who you love,” he whispered. “We still haven’t talked about it.”

“I’m so confused… I think we’re all confused.”

“We don’t need to overthink it, Doc.” He was quiet for a moment. “Bo brought it up today.”

“He did?” she asked in surprise.

“He says we all had too much to drink,” John told her.

Marlena rolled her eyes, “Leave it to him to oversimplify it.” She could still feel Bo’s hands on her, his lips against her skin as he’d kissed her goodnight. 

“We drank too much. The kids weren’t home,” he told her. “We got a little too affectionate at bedtime, but Bo’s right, ultimately, nothing happened.”

“Nothing happened,” she whispered, “But I feel like something happened.”

“Do you still love me?” he asked her. 

“More than anything,” she told him tenderly. “It’s just that something is happening…”

“You love them too?” he asked her.

Marlena nodded her head, and then stared up at him, “And you?”

“I care for both of them,” he said. “Perhaps more than most would consider socially acceptable, but Doc, we’ve been a family for almost fifteen years. We’ve raised our children together. Ultimately… this was bound to happen.” Kissing her softly, he brushed the hair from her forehead, and smiled at her haphazard ponytail. She was so different from the woman she used to be, but still the most perfect person for him. John said softly, “We don’t need words to define our relationship with Bo and Hope, Doc. We feel it. We understand each other, and that’s all that matters.” 

Marlena stood staring into the pot of chili and stirred it gently. “Is it wrong that I keep thinking about it?” she asked him quietly.

John could still feel Hope’s hands on his jaw, and her soft lips on his mouth. He could still remember watching Bo reach for Marlena. He leaned closer to her, “Bo’s, right, Doc. We were all drunk, and maybe we took saying goodnight a little too far. I don’t think it’s wrong to think about it, but I think we can’t repeat it.”

Dasha, Deidre Ann, Avi, Aaron and Oscar were all still living with them, and Marlena didn’t want to confuse their lives any more than their current relationship already did. To the children, Mom, Mama, and two Papa’s was completely normal, but to the rest of the world there would always be whispers. But they were all aware that their love for one another had grown beyond what it had started as.

 Bo and Hope entered the kitchen, just as the oven timer went off. Hope came over to where Marlena stood, and she reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. Marlena turned to face her, kissing her softly on the lips. She could feel Bo’s eyes on her, but she simply smiled, and said, “It’s time to call the beasts to dinner. John, could you take the corn bread out of the oven?”

She handed him the oven mitt, and then stared at his ass while he took cornbread out of the oven. Smacking him teasingly as she walked by, she went to the entry to the hallway and called out, “Dinner!”

Marlena was putting plates on the counter when five of their children started scrambling from multiple locations in the house. What had been previously silent and serene, became loud, full of laughter, and joking. Hope glanced around the large dinner table as everyone ate, and she appreciated what her life had become. Sure it had gotten more complicated. Getting drunk and kissing the wrong people before bed could definitely make things awkward, but when her eyes met John’s he smiled and winked at her. And when she turned her head to find Marlena staring at her, she felt nothing but warmth and love. 

Bo leaned over, and whispered softly, “Eat your food, Fancy Face, and stop overthinking shit.”

John laughed, remembering the night that Bo had protested about sleeping in the same bed with John, Marlena, and Hope. He’d come a long way towards acceptance of whatever they were to each other, but ultimately what mattered was love.

“I gots the best family,” Oscar said loudly, after swallowing a mouthful of chili.

Sami smiled, and she told him, “We do, don’t we?”

Marlena felt John reach for her hand, and then she felt Hope’s eyes watching her, and she had to agree with Oscar. They had the absolute best family.

The end… but maybe not…