Marlena looked down at her hand shaking, holding the key to the penthouse. Taking a deep breath she steadied her hand with the other, aimed it for the keyhole and succeeded in opening the penthouse door. Once inside, the tall blonde did what she always did after a long day (and this day had been terribly long) she bent and took off her shoes, sitting the tan pumps on the winding stairs. She slipped off her maroon suit jacket, which left her wearing a sheer lacy cream camisole tucked into a simple short skirt. Not bothering to turn on any lights, she flung the garment over the sofa and stood in the middle of the silent room. After removing one earring she paused while reaching for the other as she realized she was facing at a photo of John—baptized in moonlight.
‘How could this be happening?’ she thought, standing there alone in the middle of the eerily serene, shadow-filled room. ‘He said he would never let me carry the burden alone ever again…’
She felt bewildered and lost. Suddenly she deeply regretted letting the little ones stay at the Pub tonight; an empty house wasn’t what she wanted tonight. She wanted to fill her turbulent mind with the complete monopoly that Belle and Brady’s lives were for her from the time they walked through the door together until they laid their heads down to sleep.
Sighing, as the grief overcame her, she set the earrings on the table next to the photo, then sank her consumed body into the couch and clutched her knees and a pillow to her chest. Her blonde hair fell softly across her cheek as her glistening golden eyes rose to keep a vigil on John’s smiling face trapped behind glass.
Soon her tears turned the image of his face into an unrecognizable blur of colors… not unlike the way it felt for her to look at him when he stood in front of her lately. He was there, he looked and sounded like John, but sometimes it felt as though he was a stranger.
John… a stranger? Impossible. The man whom she’d risked her life for? Offered herself to her mortal enemy to save? John… the man who offered his life, his soul, in place of hers to spend all eternity in hell? The same man who was willing to die for her over and over?
Impossible.
Burying her face in the soft pillow, she allowed herself to cry from the very core of her being. That dark place where she saved it all. Where every ounce of pain was stored and ignored.
She thought of Sami and what had become of her daughter’s life and the guilt she felt. It was always there…eating into her endlessly, even when it felt impossible to find any room for more. And all John could say to her was ‘it’s not you’re fault, Doc’, and ‘I’m too blame, too.’ Yet, now here she was alone again while he was spending time again holding Greta’s hand…someone he barely knew. It was killing her to remember how devoted he had been to Sami when she was a little girl. How he adored her! How he lit up when she would simply walk over to him, hopped up on his lap without a word, poked her thumb in her mouth and rested her head against his chest. Sometimes she’d glance over at him holding the contented, tow-headed child and catch his eyes glistening with tender tears as he pressed his hands to his little girl’s head and kissed it, and she knew his head was full of a million dreams for her. Then she remembered the look of pure devastation and unspeakable pain when he had to tell the children he wasn’t their father. She could still see and feel the misery in his eyes. The anguish of that night had been an ache he carried with him, she knew…because she shared it. And now…now she couldn’t seem to locate it in him and it frightened her. How did they all get to this place? It was like a bad soap opera.
Didn’t he feel connected to them anymore? Was he past it? Finally? Was his need to find out about his past the only thing that mattered now that Roman was back and in their lives again? How could he just cut them out of his heart like this? She never thought he would or could…so why now? Nothing made sense anymore.
And would she be next? She emitted a gasp of unbelief that a question like that had entered her mind…but since it had…perhaps it was possible.
She was beginning to feel like she didn’t know him anymore…when she needed him so much.
When her eyes couldn’t find any more tears, and her head felt like it might explode when she blinked, Marlena rose and went into the kitchen. She slowly dribbled herself a glass of Chardonnay and took a moment to try to lose herself in the intricate fruity aromas, but all she kept seeing was the look in John’s eyes when facing her as they argued earlier at the hospital. And she still felt his grip around her arm when she decided she couldn’t look at him anymore. Then when she ripped it free and ran away from him…she hadn’t even looked back…fearing he wouldn’t chase after her. And obviously he hadn’t.
He seemed to be choosing…and he wasn’t choosing her. She had too many questions and fears. This was all so insane.
How could he not see her pain? How could he just let her go?
Curling up again on the sofa, she choked on a sip of wine when her vision traveled out the terrace windows into the radiant midnight blue and remembered the night they’d reunited. It had happened so fast that she barely had memories. Memories of that night had become almost purely sensation…blissful sensations and a torrent of emotions. Fear and pain…then finally towering waves of passion and joy.
She knew he loved her. It wasn’t that. But she needed more than that now. She needed that commitment he promised. She shook her head, unbelieving again that he could look into her eyes and not see what she so desperately needed. He had always seen it before! She smiled skeptically to think that this was the first time she felt abandoned by him. Through everything, John had been there. Feeling her pain…knowing when she needed saving….
‘Why aren’t your arms around me?’ she asked the silent, unsympathetic space around her. Closing her eyes for a moment, she swallowed more wine and tried to stop thinking of the emptiness filling her. But it only increased, and she started to feel chilled but couldn’t seem to move to grab the blanket folded at the end of the sofa. So she sat there strangling her wine glass and shivering… looking out onto the terrace where she thought she saw him like a gossamer spirit in that warm summer night breeze not so long ago. She remembered how it felt when she thought all her pain would be replaced with love…no more nights alone crying, dreaming, and praying for it.
He touched her again like a lover and everything fell into place. Like it was meant to be.
When they became one again. When the bridge had finally been reconnected…and when it seemed that there were no more enemies left to demolish it…She never could have imagined John would be the one to threaten it.
“Oh, God, I want you back,” she said out loud with a quickened breath, straightening up, feeling exasperation at the thought, “…and you’re not even gone!” How she wanted him like he was that night… consumed with passion for her…for them. They were so incredibly powerful together…so damn good.
As the vision of John that magical night vanished into the present hazy void, she drained the remaining dry liquid into her body. Uncurling her long legs, she turned and escaped from her paralyzed perch on the couch, and in a furious flood of angry energy she blindly threw the empty wineglass through the air.
“Damn it, I want you back!”
Then her bleary eyes flew open and she screamed thinking it must have exploded as the sound of shattering harmonized with a sudden flood of lights all around her.
“Marlena!”
She squinted and tried to focus, and finally saw him standing there inside the door shaking shards of glass from his jacket and out of his hair. She hurried to him and tried to help, but he quickly grabbed her by the arms and moved her back. “Don’t…you don’t have shoes on. What the hell happened? Are you okay?”
“Oh!” she blurted, throwing her arms down in frustration, and stepping back. “I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and threw my glass. I didn’t know you were there. Oh, honey…are you okay?”
“I’m fine…I think. You sure you weren’t aiming for me, Doc?” He was only half joking—he knew he had to be part of the reason she was “feeling sorry for herself.”
Marlena didn’t say anything and moved again toward him, but was hindered by the hand he held up to stop her. Then she saw that there was blood on his forehead and her stomach dropped.
“You’re not fine, John,” she told him and invaded the space he was trying to keep her out of. He sighed heavily as she fussed over him. Closing his eyes, he dropped his shoulders, put his hands on his hips and tried to breathe evenly. But the familiar and seductive smell of her perfume and feel of her breasts brushing against his chest became too much and he grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands down away from his head.
She ripped her hands free and protested, “You have a bruise! And there’s a cut…” Looking him over she saw blood on his shirt and a tear in his collar. Looking at him with bewildered eyes she reached for him again, and again he stopped her. “That glass didn’t do that! What happened to you?” she asked.
“Knock it off, Doc,” he said softly but sternly and stared at her. “It doesn’t matter.” He could see her swollen hazel eyes had been crying and his breath caught in his throat and he struggled to get his question out…”Why did you run out like that?”
Marlena gritted her teeth and folded her arms across her chest as she studied him, noticing the way he was staring at her with his tired, but intense blue eyes. Eyes that she had feared couldn’t see into her soul anymore. She was wrong. He could see! He was looking right now, and she wanted to slap him. She cleared her throat and turned away briefly, wanting to escape.
“Why did you, Marlena?” He took a step toward her, crunching glass into the carpet under his boots, and she flinched, then turned, bracing herself. She didn’t want him to touch her…his eyes were enough to deal with at the moment.
And she didn’t want to answer his question, so she didn’t. “Tell me why there’s a huge bruise on your forehead,” she demanded.
“I told you it didn’t matter…”
“Doesn’t matter? Did you get in a fight or something? What happened?”
He ripped off his jacket and threw it past her onto the couch, then straightened his skewed collar. “I had a little accident. Just a fender bender… nobody was hurt.”
Her heart skipped a beat…’That’s where he was… he was chasing after me…’
She sighed heavily, “John, you were hurt.”
“I’m fine, Doc. Now answer my question. Why did you run away from me?” He was searching hard into her eyes, and she felt the fear and hurt rising inside, so to stop it from coming to the surface, she looked at the bits of glass scattered around John’s boots.
“I have to vacuum this up…are you sure you’re okay?” She looked up briefly at him, biting back the emotion from her voice and grimaced to see his gaze as intense as ever. It felt like a laser burning through her, and she began to feel her head fill with pressure as tears fought to free themselves. She had to escape, so she began to turn toward the kitchen.
“Oh no you don’t!” John burst out, grabbing her arm and turning her to face him.
Her shiny blonde hair whipped around and landed over one tear filled eye, and they both froze, “Let go of me, John!”
“No! I want an answer from you, Marlena!” He didn’t know why he had to hear it. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear it. He growled through clenched teeth. She yanked her arm free and pursed her lips tightly together, blinking tears from her eyes.
“I don’t have to give you an answer to a question you should know the answer to! Now, you can clean this up, I’m going to bed…” No longer feeling the need to stifle her tears, she let out a quick sob before walking past him. She felt him turn to watch her leave, then she let out a burst of profanity when she felt a piece of glass carve through her nylon stocking into the ball of her foot. As soon as it happened she started to limp and felt John come from behind her and steal her up off the ground like she was as light as a feather.
“Damn it, Doc!” He cursed and ran up the stairs with her. She held fast to his neck and couldn’t help but breathe in the heavy musk of his skin—she wanted to taste him too. But there was no way she would let herself do that tonight. She wanted him to feel as alone as she felt. She wanted him to ache for her. To feel as helplessly lost as she felt when he was telling her over and over that others were more important.
Suddenly she realized she wasn’t allowing herself to breathe complete breaths, so by the time he’d set her down on the cold tiled counter of the bathroom vanity she was gasping for air and squeezing John’s shoulder’s desperately.
She stared wide-eyed into his eyes as she began to hyperventilate.
“Damn it, damn it!” He yelled, leaving her and turning in frantic, helpless circles looking for something for her to breathe into. When he found a white paper bag full of cotton balls in the drawer, he grabbed it and whipped it open—sending the fluffy white spheres flying into the air and dropping all around them like a surreal gust of snow. He shaped the bag around her now paralyzed, breathless mouth and ordered her to breathe slowly and evenly.
Soon she found her lungs full and her breathing become slow and even out as she focused on John’s worried eyes…trying to escape their grip and at the same time wanting to never leave their possession.
“Okay now?” He asked, letting go of the hold he had on the back of her head. She nodded and he took the bag away, intently watching her now steady breathing. He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. “God, you scared me,” he said as he let out a trembling sigh. It wasn’t the first time he’d felt the sensation of pure relief swallow him up to see her breathe again. He stood there cherishing the moment until he remembered why he’d rushed her upstairs.
Marlena didn’t say anything when she felt herself start to cry as he lifted her leg and wrapped one of his big hands easily around her ankle. As he held it firmly, he stood straight and looked down at her with unreadable dark blue eyes then reached with his other hand behind him and pulled out his old, worn pocketknife. She looked at it with some amazement. He’d never been without that thing. She remembered watching him remove it from his jeans every night as he undressed in the old house…and here they were together again after so long and once again she watched him set it down on the dresser every night. He still had it. She smiled wistfully as she watched him pull the blade out with his teeth, his eyes never looking away from her face.
“Sorry, baby…I’ll buy you a new pair of these,” he smiled slyly at her then trained his focus on her leg as he cupped her heel with his hand, letting the blood seep into his palm and through his fingers as he slit apart the nylon at her toes. Slowly, smoothly he slipped it up the length of her leg to mid-thigh and she quivered at the sudden arousal from the slight touch of his hand as it grazed her now bare skin.
She quickly looked down at the floor, focusing on a cotton ball and tried to think of anything but how much she wanted him to touch her all over…to cut her clothes off with that tiny knife. Slowly…and…’Oh god, help me,’ she thought.
She wiped away a lingering tear from her cheek as she watched him replace his knife. Their eyes met again, taking her off guard so she tilted her head back against the mirror, closed her eyes and folded her arms across her chest bracing herself for some pain. Welcome pain. Anything to take her mind off the emotional pain.
Feeling him tugging on the piece of glass, she took a deep, difficult breath. When he pulled it out, she sighed but barely felt it. She opened her eyes and saw him studying the dime-sized shard and began to feel the silence in the room become a strong presence. He turned and tossed the glass into the wastebasket, wiped his bloody hand on his jeans, then quickly grabbed her at the hips and swiveled her around and placed the bleeding foot in the sink and turned on the cold water.
As the frigid water slowly tumbled over her foot, numbing the wound, she looked at him and he smiled tentatively…then she jumped slightly as his hand benevolently began to straighten out her tousled skirt across her legs, smoothing out the material tenderly against her. Then she smiled back up at him as he then reached up and took the strands of hair that had fallen over one of her blood-shot hazel eyes and tucked it behind her ear.
Marlena wanted to catch his hand and press it to her face…to kiss his warm palm and find solace…but her fear and anger glued her hands to the counter top. She watched John as he continued tending to her foot with the skill and grace of a doctor, and the tenderness of the man she knew cherished her…until doubts started to penetrate that one certainty.
The silence continued to gather momentum, promising to drive them both to do or say something—anything. Marlena once again became conscious of how good he smelled. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out deeply—almost becoming light headed as everything ceased to exist except for all her senses surrounding him and soaking him in. Being this close to him always made her feel slightly high.
Smiling when she felt their breathing was in time, she relished inhaling the sweet, intoxicating combination of his sweat and the barest whispers of what was left of the cologne he’d put on in that morning. She didn’t even realize she was leaning in to get closer to him. God, how he made her body ache and burn for his…She had never felt so completely lost and helpless to have a man like she did John. And now, being so close to him…feeling so surrounded—trapped and cornered—and full of him, she never felt so afraid and alone.
Suddenly she heard herself saying out loud what had been tormenting her every waking moment for months.
“I’m afraid I’m losing you…” She swallowed then quietly said his name as if saying it would negate her words. “John…”
Breathless, she opened her eyes after seconds passed without John saying anything. She saw he had stopped putting the finishing touches on her bandaging and was simply looking down at her foot. He let out a captured breath and swallowed hard. Then his head turned and he looked at her with eyes full of the deepest blue sadness, acknowledging her words. The same sadness she’d seen many times in the dusky blue of John’s eyes.
The instant he looked at her she gasped a sob and ordered her eyes to look away…and after a moment of erupting silence, she felt him continue his bandaging task.
When he finished, John carefully took her again and moved her back so he could be face to face with her. She felt her throat constricting and blood rush to her face. He tipped her chin up and toward him and she waited a moment then opened her eyes.
“Does it feel okay? Did I do a good job, Doc?”
‘Is he just going to ignore what I said?’
It killed him to see the way she looked up at him…her reluctant smile masking a look of complete anguish. ‘Oh god, look what you’ve done to this beautiful, precious creature…’ He loved her so much. He wanted her always. To see the fear and doubt in her eyes made him curse himself forever allowing himself to step into her life. To be saved.
“It’s true isn’t it? I’m losing you,” she said sadly.
He breathed heavily, his nose eliciting a high-pitched whistle. “Why would you say that? How could you even think that?” He knew in his heart and head why and how…her eyes had told him everything, but he needed to hear her say it.
“Because I feel it!” she burst out…tears following.
“You are not losing me, Marlena,” he insisted, grabbing her chin in his hand.
She yanked away and cried, “I am! Every time I turn around, John…when I need you, or just to see your face, you’re not there and I don’t know where you are.” She swiped at tears flowing over the curves of her flushed cheeks.
“Doc…”
“And when I find you, you’re with Greta…or Hope…or Vivian. I…I know they need you, but do they need you more than I do?”
“I know, I know…”
“I’ve been needing you, John.” She sobbed, and tried to squirm away from him to get off the counter, but he wouldn’t allow her to. He planted his hands firmly on her thighs and shook his head thinking that no way was he letting her move an inch until he made things right. He gritted his teeth, grimacing as he searched for the words that would tell her what his entire being felt about her. But he knew there were no such words. No way to say it.
“John, please let me get down…I’m tired.”
“Listen, Doc,” he started, his eyes commanding attention…”I know I’ve been distracted lately. I know I’ve let you down—I didn’t mean to…Listen, baby you will never lose me…because I can’t lose you.” She sighed heavily and turned away. His heart sank to see her weariness and it hit him all at once that he could lose her. A rush of panic sent his blood into a mad explosion throughout his body, and he had to search for a full breath.
“John, you haven’t needed me…and I am losing you. This search is all you think about. I used to be the most important…”
“You are the most important thing to me!” He persisted, willing his words to penetrate the pain he could see she was drowning in—and that he was solely responsible for.
“When you need me…that’s when I am. When you’re done with your search for the day…when you want me to reassure you, comfort you. When you want my body. I don’t know you anymore. I haven’t wanted to admit this, but it feels like we’re losing our connection. I don’t think you feel when I’m hurting or afraid anymore…and I can’t sense anymore what’s going on with you. I’m losing you,” she hesitated, then blinked, and fresh tears broke free from her eyes and she buried her face in her hands. “Oh god, I’m so scared…I can’t believe I’m saying these things. Let me get down. Now!”
Without filling his lungs with renewed air, he looked fiercely at the only woman he had ever truly loved…the only one he’d given his soul.
“Oh no you don’t…” he said forcefully, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her even closer, as she tried to maneuver around him. He couldn’t believe what she was saying either, and it frightened him just as much. Frightened him to death.
“I’m here Doc, and I’m never going to lose you again!”
She shook her head and hit his chest hard and cried, “Then why is this happening? Why don’t you feel my heart when it’s aching? Why does it feel like you’re drifting away from me? I can’t feel you the way I used to…I always knew—almost before you did yourself—what you were feeling—what you were thinking. I barely can now. You’re becoming a stranger to me…to your children!”
“Don’t say that! Damn it, Marlena…please,” he murmured, then dropped his head to rest against hers and whispered heavily, “I love you so much.”
“I know you do,” she whispered back and clutched his unshaven face in her hands. “Baby, that’s why I’m so afraid…whatever is tearing you away from me is more powerful than us. I ‘m losing you, and I can’t seem to stop it…”
“Nothing is more powerful than you and me, Doc…nothing,” he told her, believing it with all his heart. He had her in his arms and whenever Marlena was there…whenever he could breathe the same air, feel her heart pounding into his chest…he felt a tide of strength rush into him. And without her he was empty. He couldn’t exist like that again…couldn’t face a life without her again. But he couldn’t hurt her like this either.
“Stefano is…we’ve learned that the hard way. Oh god, I can’t breathe,” she sobbed and removed her hands from his face—pressed them into his chest, trying another attempt to push him away. “I can’t take this anymore—I need some air.”
“Marlena!” he declared, again denying her escape, panicking he slapped his hands over hers. “Do you feel that?”
“What?”
“You said you couldn’t feel me anymore…can you feel that? Feel my heart beating? Can you?”
She nodded slowly and closed her eyes, letting the rapid beats flow through her hand and into her.
“That’s my heart screaming for you, Doc,” he implored to her, the side of his face pressed firmly against hers as he whispered desperately into her ear. “Feel how hard I’m breathing…that’s what you do to me. Feel me, baby…I’m right here. I’m not a stranger. You are not losing me…ever!” His voice rose suddenly and the passion in it shot into her like a loud clap of unexpected thunder, making her flinch.
She opened her eyes wide. “You’re as scared as I am!” She shouted back with an equal amount of passion. “You know I’m right!”
“Yes, I’m scared. I’m scared!” he confessed. “I realized just how much when I saw you run out on me tonight. It all hit me then, Doc…I saw what I was doing to you and it felt like…When you turned and ran it felt like my whole reason for living, my very self, had run away from me! And I…and I couldn’t move or breathe for what felt like eternity…” He brought her face to his and their noses touched and then their lipsm and he whispered, “And all I wanted to do was find you. To stop the pain I saw in your eyes and save this.”
“John,” she breathed, pulling back and looking into his anguished, tearful eyes. “Then I was right. I am losing you—was losing you… oh God.”
“Doc!” He ordered, snatching her body close—forcing her to wrap her legs around him to steady herself. “No! I’ve been distracted… by all the questions, but…baby, I would never have let that happen. You have to know that! I’m so sorry I put these doubts and fears into you…I can see now how selfish I’ve been.” He desperately needed her to know…to feel how she was everything to him, even though he felt in his bones he was stealing something.
Wrenching an arm under hers, he gripped her back with his open hand, pulling her into him with urgency, then snaked his other arm around her neck and kissed her quickly and hard.
Marlena knew what that kiss meant. She knew that desperation. And they were both free-falling this time.
“Did you feel that, Doc? Tell me you feel me…you feel me here with you now…forever.”
“John, please,” she said, crying. Remembering her vow not to let herself want him tonight. But she saw the fierce desire in his eyes, and she felt her body betraying her. Yes, she felt him, and yes it would be forever. It couldn’t ever not be.
“Tell me!” He demanded, kissing her again, forcefully—moving his lips aggressively over hers, sucking and causing her tender lips to swell ruby red. She moaned as his kiss preyed upon her inability to resist him. And she began to kiss him back—lashing her tongue around his…flitting in and out of his mouth—slipping carnally over his wet lips. Steamy flesh meeting flesh. Then consuming ferociously, tasting the sweet honey until the kiss became breathless and motionless—timeless—where they shared lungs, blood, a single throbbing heart…and nothing existed but what they were together.
With that kiss she knew he was hers. Completely and forever. Like a revelation, that kiss erased her fears and pain…the anger and desperation. How could anything or anyone divide a single soul?
“I do,” she stated simply when their mouths separated.
“You do what?”
She wiped the sweat off his brow with her hand. “I feel you,” she said in a deeply slow murmur, looking into his savagely blue eyes… feeling them penetrating her again, and she had no more secrets. His eyes stripped her naked and took her as his own. And she did the same.
“That’s my girl,” he said deeply. “Feel how much I need you…want you…”
“Want you…” she sighed, her voice thick with desire as she brought his face to hers and with her open mouth she tore into his with desperate hunger. She felt his hands quickly slip up between their bodies and under her camisole, and she broke their kiss when those rough hands cupped her breasts. She gasped when he effortlessly tore her bra in half. With the two halves of the sheer garment in his fists he raised his arms briskly, with hers following, and along with her camisole had them away from her in an instant, sending a shiver down her spine.
Breathing heavily, he took a moment to admire the sight of her freed flesh. And with a wicked movement of his mouth, “buy you a new one of those too.”
She could only blink and form a half grin before he took her mouth again, and aroused her mercilessly when his tongue blissfully began toying with hers.
John couldn’t get enough of her. Every inch of her, every sound, every movement she made was like the most intoxicating drug that he could ever imagine finding on earth. Nobody or nothing could do what she did to him.
“Oh god,” she cried, becoming undone by his touch…the way he seemed to absorb her. The mere touch of his lips to her neck could make her cum. She held his head—threading her fingers into his hair—as his lips and tongue met and consumed the tender flesh of her breasts. Then before she even realized it, he’d driven her skirt above her hips and she was hearing the sound of her panties shredding. She leaned back against the cold mirror, grabbed the edge of the counter and watched as he jerked them from under her garter and discarded them—amusing herself thinking that he was going to have to take her on a special shopping trip to Victoria’s Secret because of his impatience. She smiled, as he swiftly peeled her stockings from her legs and felt her need for him swell inside her.
John slid her back, lifted her legs over his shoulders and lowered himself to his knees. He gazed up from where his face was poised tantalizingly close to her, and when he saw the look of almost painful anticipation on her face, he couldn’t help but grin as he began to torment her with near swipes of his mouth, which made her gasp and flinch.
Marlena looked down as he teased her and wanted to scream as her body began to throb with an insatiable hunger for him, but she could barely breathe.
Finally, unable to hold back, she begged him.
“John…please,” she implored with a strained whisper. “Please!”
With that last plea he eagerly made contact and felt her brace herself and shiver. Instantly he tasted the evidence of her arousal as she started to move her hips in motion with the impelling strokes of his tongue and lips. His hand crawled up along her smooth stomach sending her further under his spell, and found one of her supple breasts. As he cupped his large hand around the soft mound—brushing his callused thumb across her taut nipple, he felt his legs weaken, and when he heard her moan at his touch, a heated desire detonated through every nerve in his body. His heart pounded fiercely, along with the throbbing in his loins. He wondered if he’d ever felt such a hunger to make her feel as much pleasure as he did tonight. He didn’t know if it was desperation and fear or just the never-ending lust she aroused in him, but he felt possessed with a vigorous desire to make her dizzy with ecstasy.
Marlena closed her eyes and began to lose herself to the sweet torture racking her body. She heard sounds escaping her but they seemed foreign and distant when all she could think was how much this man was made just for her. How much her body relished his touch. How he could satisfy her completely before he even touched her.
How much she loved him more than the life she’d been given, all the while wanting to hate him for making her welcome the pain and anguish that sharing a life with him seemed destined to bring.
John kept sneaking glances up at her, devouring the sight of her face in sexual frenzy until he felt her nearing the edge. He closed his eyes and drove her closer and closer with intensive efforts of his tongue deep and quick as his mouth captured her fully. He squeezed her breast, and held her tightly as she rocked faster and faster against his mouth until she shrieked as he brought her to a boundless, breathless orgasm. She came so forcefully she almost slipped away from him and the mirror against her back rattled loudly and the lights attached to it flickered with abandon.
Marlena let out shuddering breaths as the spasms sent unspeakable pleasure through her body.
John waited until her body stilled. To hear and feel her at the moment of release always sent a wave of joy through him like no other… to know that it was he that brought her such rapture was the ultimate release for him. Always had been. Always would be.
Breathing heavily, Marlena felt slightly weakened—intoxicated, so when she felt him lower her legs and slowly rise—kissing and touching her quivering body as he moved, she whispered for him to hold her. She let herself drown in his strong arms as they encircled her and held her tight against him.
“I love you, Doc,” he whispered deeply through her golden hair. He tried to deny his own desire and just hold her, but his ache was so deep he began to groan as he brought her body close and told her how badly he needed to be inside her.
At the feel of his breath and sound of his rough and muffled plea, a rush of new desire shook her and she kissed his neck and bit him slightly, then found his ear and asked him lustily what he was waiting for.
She wanted to have his skin under her fingertips like he had hers. Quickly she attacked the buttons of his shirt, ripping at them like the menace they were, while John dropped his jeans and kicked them aside. It felt like his skin was burning into hers as she moved her hands over his sweat soaked chest, shoulders, back and arms. His mouth dove to her neck and she started to tremble.
She lightly touched the bruises that were forming on his shoulder and neck…kissed tenderly the bloody scratches that marked his skin from the accident, then again pressed her lips to his ear. “Yes, baby, yes,” she encouraged him as she felt his hands slip under her and lift her. She shivered with anticipation and pulled back to watch his face as he entered her fast and hard. He looked at her with eyes darkened by passion; she saw the desperate desire she felt deep inside herself and drew him down forcefully into a kiss and disappeared.
John felt himself drowning…lost in ecstasy at the intense satisfaction of being consumed by her. Every ounce of her flesh, her essence encompassing him—moving with him. As he drove into her, each thrust fueling the next, he fought the pressure. Fought the force of nature and time as long as he could—wanting to exist forever as close to her as this. But it was impossible as her body swallowed him up, pulling him in faster and tighter…and he knew he couldn’t hold back any longer. The instant he felt her cum… contracting relentlessly around him, he erupted deep inside her, cumming again and again and felt like he would never be able to stop…He almost blacked out he came so hard…emptying his body and soul into the woman who owned him completely.
Marlena cried out as wave after wave of orgasm crippled her with ecstasy. Every muscle in her body froze and melted around John…she never wanted to let go. But she had to…wanting to see his face; she pulled back and framed it with her hands…
He knew with ever fiber of his being that he did not deserve such pleasure and wasn’t worthy of the woman who gave herself to him. Didn’t deserve to touch her body…to feel her perfect touch on his skin. But when he felt her ease her flesh away from his, and saw her open her amber glowing eyes, smiling up at him as she took his face in her hands he knew he would selfishly take anything she willingly gave to him.
“I’m sorry…” He whispered.
“Shhh,” she hushed him, placing a finger to his lips. “Take me to bed and hold me all night.”
“Doc, if you’ll let me I’ll hold you forever.”
She smiled and pressed her lips to his tenderly and with passionate emphasis on each word she sighed, “I will let you.”
The Jarlena Journal 