Breathe – By Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1 – Prologue

John’s world had collapsed around him a year ago. The day he’d opened his front door to find Shane Donovan and Chief Tarrington standing there with equal looks of dread, he’d known something was wrong. All he could do was be grateful for the fact that the children weren’t home. Carrie had driven the twins to school, and then driven herself to the high school. A few hours later, he was a broken man, with no idea who he was. He lost everything in the span of three hours, his home, his children, his family, and his job. All of it was gone, because according to the ISA, he wasn’t Roman Brady, and they had the DNA to prove it. 

A court battle ensued, with John spending most of his savings on legal fees, while he fought to have contact with the children. He lost. Even with the support of Kim, Bo, and Kayla, he’d lost. They had tried to explain to Roman that taking the children away from the only father they’d ever known would be detrimental. It hadn’t changed Roman’s mind. According to Roman’s attorney, John had been masquerading as Roman Brady for seven years, but no one knew who he really was, or even where he came from. Roman said that John was a mercenary trained by Stefano DiMera, and he could, at any moment, be triggered. He also argued that John was unsafe for the children to be around. While John was vilified, Roman’s attorney turned him into a martyr. Roman was portrayed as a man who had his life stolen from him, by Stefano, and by John. Falsely imprisoned with only one thing to keep him alive…the hope of returning to his family. He had been a victim, one who came home to find a stranger playing daddy to his children, and his wife dead.

Roman had moved back into the house with the twins, and Carrie. John had moved in with Isabella. In the year since…he’d married Isabella, and…he’d held her hand as she died of cancer eight months later. He literally was a man who was broken. Victor checked on him every few days, and encouraged him to see a therapist, but John couldn’t even think of therapy without feeling himself sink even deeper into a depressive abyss full of memories of Marlena…the other wife he’d had, the one who had died and left him behind. John tried to stay focused on the PI business Isabella and Bo had built up, doing side jobs for Bo to help him out, but the day to day part of living was incredibly difficult. 

John slid into the booth at the diner on the far side of town, and waited for Carrie. He was a few minutes early. Meeting with her, and the rare occasions he saw the twinners…that was all that was keeping him in Salem. That was all that was keeping him afloat. He looked up with a smile, when Carrie slid into the seat across from him, “Hey, Punkin’.”

“Hi, Daddy,” she said, smiling back. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“You’re not late, besides, I would wait for you. How’s your first semester at college going?” John asked her, over the noisy din of the diner. “By the way, I ordered us coffee.”

“Ugh. Don’t ask. I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” she said, with a face full of disdain, pulling her backpack into the booth with her. “Do you see how big this bag is?”

“You’ll thank me later,” he told her with a grin. “I promise.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I guess it’s okay…it’s not horrible. I just wanted to work for a year. Take a break, you know?”

“Punkin’ taking a break makes it that much harder to go back. How are the twinners doing?”

“Sami’s teacher has called twice this week. Apparently the teacher keeps all of the glue bottles in a bin on the shelf. Sami snuck in at recess, and emptied all of the bottles into the bottom of the bin, making a massive mess. She also got in trouble in PE for hitting a boy in the face with a basketball…on purpose,” Carrie said with a sigh. “Roman did what he usually does. He yelled, he told her to ‘get her act together’, and then he grounded her until next week. She’s seven. I’m not sure what he expects. I don’t know why he bothers. She doesn’t care.”

The sadness in him ached the most in moments like these. Sami was crying out for attention, and she didn’t care how she got it, or who she got it from. Roman worked nearly 60 hours a week, often leaving the twins with Carrie or his parents. Parenting the twins wasn’t at the top of his priorities. John often wondered why Roman had fought so hard for custody. Why he had fought so hard to keep John out of their life, but the answer was obvious. It had been because he was angry to return home and find that his family hadn’t missed him. He was angry to learn that his family had accepted John as Roman Brady, on the word of Marlena. He was angry that his wife had lived with another man, believing it was him, and then died…and he was angry that John had raised his children for seven years. 

“What about Eric?” John asked her softly.

“He’s still seeing the school counselor twice a week, but the panic attacks haven’t really let up,” she whispered sadly. “He’s having nightmares, and wakes up at all hours of the night. So, I know he’s not getting enough sleep. Roman isn’t taking any of it seriously and thinks he just needs more time to adjust. I told him…I said that the twins miss you. We all miss you, and taking you away from them was a major trauma. He either doesn’t care…or he truly can’t see it. If it weren’t for Eric and Sami, I would have already moved out.”

“If I could only see them…spend some time with them. Damn it! I don’t have any rights in this situation! My kids need me, and I can’t do a damn thing to help them,” John said in frustration.

Carrie was quiet for a moment, then she leaned forward, and said, “Roman has a stake-out tomorrow night. He’s leaving the house around 5 o’clock, and he said he’ll be home Saturday around noon.”

John watched her carefully, his heart rate increasing, as the hope inside him rose up, “Carrie, what are you saying?”

“I was just planning to stay home with the twins and watch a movie. Maybe pop some popcorn. If you happened to come by…”

“Carrie, I don’t know…”

“I’m sick of this, Daddy. I’m sick of it all. They haven’t seen you in a year, except in passing. They aren’t adjusting! They aren’t getting any better!” she said in frustration. Glancing at her watch she said, “I’ve got to get to work.” As she slid her body out of the booth, and bent over to kiss John on the cheek, she told him, “Tomorrow night. We’ll be home…and he won’t. Think about it.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John had parked his car two blocks away, and he had decided to go through the back yard, and knock on the back door. He didn’t want anyone to see him, and possibly mention it to Roman. He could hear Sami and Eric’s voices, yelling at Carrie about someone knocking at the wrong door, and he smiled to himself. He hadn’t given Carrie an affirmative answer about whether he would be coming, so he was hoping, everything was still okay for this visit. The door was flung open with force by the small whirlwind that was Sami. She stood transfixed, staring at him, her eyes wide in her small face, while Carrie and Eric brought up the rear. Carrie had the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her, as she whispered, “Hi, Daddy.”

No words were spoken, when Sami threw her small body against John so hard, he felt the air whoosh from his lungs. His arms scooped her up, as he stepped inside, and slid to the floor with her, while she sobbed scorching tears into his neck. Eric climbed into his lap from the other side, and clung to him, while crying into his chest. John looked up at Carrie, watching as she closed the back door quietly, and said softly, “Thank you.”

They were on the floor for nearly twenty minutes. John gently rubbed their little backs, and held them close to him, smelling their child like scent, while they continued to cry softly. Eventually Sami looked up at John with swollen eyes, eyes so blue they reminded him of a summer sky, and she whispered, “I missed you so much, Daddy. I missed you every day. Every, every, every, day.”

Eric simply stared at him, holding on as if he were afraid to let go. John told them, “I missed you both so much. I missed you every day, too.” Isabella had died four months ago, and this was the happiest he’d felt since.

Eric finally spoke, asking in a wavering voice, “If you missed us, how come you never came to see us?”

“Eric,” Carrie said kneeling down. “I told you, Daddy’s not allowed to see you. A judge said so. The police could arrest him.”

“But he’s here now,” Eric said quietly, looking at John again as if he was ready to start crying all over again.

“I’m not supposed to be, Slugger. If I get caught I’ll be in trouble,” John said, smoothing his hand over the boys blonde hair. With a smile, he added, “But it would be worth it.”

“You’d get arrested just to see us, Daddy?” Sami asked him, genuinely curious.

“Sure would Peanut. Now, someone told me there would be a movie and popcorn, and we all know I love popcorn,” John said.

“Ya gotta make extra Carrie, cause otherwise we won’t get none,” Sami said with a smile.

“Are you suggesting that I eat it all?” John asked them, in mock shock. The twins climbed off of his lap laughing, as John marveled over how much they had grown in the last year. The had turned eight just last month, and Eric was at least two inches taller than Sami now. Holding out his hands, he told the twins, “Help me up.”

With the help of Carrie, they got John off the floor, and were glued to his side for the rest of the evening. Through two movies he had Eric curled into one side, and Sami curled into the other, while Carrie sat on the floor near his legs, with her head resting on his knee, and the depression that he had been living in for the last year cleared a little. John felt his spirits rise, and he enjoyed the time he had, because he knew it would be over too soon. Much too soon. 

It was well after midnight when he finished helping Carrie tuck the twins into bed. He walked Carrie to her bedroom, tucking her in too, even though she insisted she was too old. After kissing her cheek, and promising to let himself out the back door, John closed the door to her room softly. As he was getting ready to exit the house, the telephone rang. Letting the machine pick up, he didn’t know why, but he stopped and listened, “Roman?” he heard, and his heart stopped, only to pick up at twice the normal rate. No. It couldn’t be. “Roman…its Marlena.” 

His mind fought to tell him that it couldn’t be her, but he knew that voice. It was her. No one else had that voice. It pulled at his soul, and even though he hadn’t heard it in over five years…he knew. Snatching up the telephone, John was barely able to rasp out, “Marlena?”

“Roman…I’m—Stefano has us. He has us,” she says, her voice whispering, even as it rises in panic.

“Doc?” he says. He needs to hear her voice. It’s a balm to his destroyed soul. “Doc is it really—is it really you?”

“I have to hurry. If he finds me…he might separate us…”

At first he’s confused by her use of the word us, but then he realizes, that she must not be alone. “Doc, who’s with you?” John asked, finally finding his voice.

“Hope,” she said softly. “Hope and…our son.”

He felt as if he would pass out with the emotion coursing through his body. Hope was alive, and there was a child? “Hope? Our son? Doc, where are you?” he asked her with rising desperation.

“I heard someone say San Cristobal, but it’s nothing but jungle here. Hope is sick, but there’s no cause… except, she wants Bo…and her son. She says she has a son the same age as Abraham.”

“You call him Abraham?” John said with tears in his voice. A little boy named Abraham. His little boy. Their little boy. 

“Yes…but, most of the time, I call him Avi…he—he…” her voice trails off, and then she says, “Can you please find us? Please can you find a way to find us and bring us home? Hope is just getting worse, and Stefano is…he’s a mad man.”

“Doc, I swear, I will bring you home or die trying.”

“I have to go, Roman. I can’t be caught. I have to go…I love you, Roman. I love you with my whole heart.”

“I love you, Doc, and I promise…I fucking swear on my life…I will find you…” he said.

Chapter 2

At first I was scared when I opened up my head

And the motor that was running was the mind of you…

John was waiting in Abe’s office the following morning at 8:00 am. The night before, he had called the station, desperate to find out where Roman was. None of it mattered. Even though he had been a cop, and worked there for seven years. In one year, Roman had destroyed whatever trust the people there might have had for him. No one would help John. They wouldn’t even reach out to tell Roman there was a family emergency. John had refused to leave, planting himself in Abe’s office instead, and falling asleep in a hard wooden chair, where he still waited.

Nearly two-thirds of Salem saw John as someone who couldn’t be trusted. The imposter who had lived as Roman Brady for seven years. They wondered if John had known all along that he wasn’t Roman Brady. They worried that was Roman said was true, that a secret trigger existed within John, and if it was switched, he would turn to violence, possibly murder. He had lost nearly everyone. Even Abe kept him at arms length, unsure of where they stood.

Roman had threatened Caroline and Shawn if they spoke with John, or kept him in their lives. He told them he would take away their access to the twins, and forbid them contact if they continued to have a relationship with John. So, like everyone else, they cut John out. He didn’t blame them. He didn’t blame any of the Brady’s, truthfully, but it was a lonely existence. Shawn and Caroline had to focus on the twins, and he wasn’t family. Bo, Kayla, and Kimberly, still reached out, but it was all very secretive, and Roman had no idea. 

During the custody trial Roman had refused to allow them contact with the twins or Carrie, simply because they tried to get him to understand that John was not going to harm anyone. Roman had even gone so far as to take Carrie’s driver’s license, because he didn’t trust her to stay away from John. John knew that Roman’s fear of him being a mercenary was only a small part of it. The part that drove Roman, was his hatred, rage, and jealousy of John. Whether Roman admitted that or not. The root of Roman’s anger lie in the fact that the people he’d thought had known him the best, accepted John into their lives believing it was him. Instead of expressing that anger at his parents, his siblings, Carrie…or even Marlena. He turned it all on John, and because John loved all of the aforementioned people with everything he was, he took that rage and accepted it. 

John’s head jerked towards the door when it opened and Roman and Abe entered. Standing as fast as he could he said, “Roman we need to talk.”

Roman sneered at him, “I don’t know what you think we need to talk about.”

“Last night, I received a phone call…and I swear to G-d, on everything that is holy…it was Doc,” John told him, hoping, and praying that Roman would listen.

“Get out,” Roman told him, trying to walk to the door and open it.

John blocked Roman’s path, saying, “Roman, I know you hate me. I know you don’t rust me, but I swear, I wouldn’t lie about this. It was her, and she’s asking for help. She was begging for help!”

Roman stepped towards John, roaring, “Get the fuck out! I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I won’t ever believe a word out of your mouth—”

John stepped even closer, grabbing at Roman’s arm, “—Would you listen to me! She was desperate, she said that Stefano has her, and Hope.”

Roman pulled away from John swinging as if to punch him, but he was pulled back by Abe. Abe looked to John, “Look, um, John, maybe you should go…”

“If you say Stefano’s involved, who’s to say you’re not part of this? Who’s to say that this isn’t part of some ploy of Stefano’s to imprison me again? Get the fuck out, John!” Roman yelled loudly.

“So, you’r not even going to listen? You’re not going to even try and check this lead? Because if Doc’s alive, or if Hope’s alive, we owe it to them…we have to at least check this out,” John pleaded.

“Doc is dead! She died six years ago when she was playing house with you! Hope is dead!”

Abe tried again, “John…I think…”

John looked helplessly between Roman and Abe, “Abe, partner, you’ve got to believe me. We can’t just ignore this call. You didn’t hear her! If you’d heard her voice…Abe, you’d know! You’d know it was Doc!”

Abe stared at John for a moment, “Listen, maybe we can—”

“No!” Roman yelled, enraged. “My wife is dead! Hope is dead. Hell, for all I know, my wife is dead because of you! Orpheus was trying—”

“—Orpheus was trying to hurt you!” John said. “Because you killed his wife! Don’t do this Roman. Don’t ignore what I’m trying to tell you because you simply refuse to work with me. Don’t!”

“John, I wouldn’t believe a word out of your mouth, even if Marlena were standing in front of me right now,” Roman said, seething.

John turned on his heel and left without another word. If Roman was going to commit to this hatred he had, John would let him, but he wasn’t going to simply let this go. His next stop was going to be Bo, because even if he didn’t believe what he had to say, John was going to say it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bo looked up from his desk when John opened the door to the office and walked in, “Listen man, Roman already called me—”

“I don’t give a fuck what your brother did, Bo. I’m going to say this, and if you want no part in it, I’ll walk away, but for Hope…I’m going to say it,” John said, almost daring Bo to stop him. “Last night, I was visiting with the twinners and Carrie—”

“—John! If Roman finds—”

“—Shut up, Bo!” John shouted. “As I was leaving the telephone rang. I knew Roman was on a stake out, so I paused to listen when the machine picked up. The voice…it fucking destroyed me, Bo. You gotta understand that. It was Doc! I couldn’t ignore that! I couldn’t walk away from that! So I answered it, and I’m not lying, and I’m not confused. I know it was Doc.”

“Okay. Okay, let’s say it was…I’m listening,” Bo told him. Roman had said on the phone that John was irrational, trying to pull him into another of Stefano’s plots. Roman had seemed as if what John was saying was fabricated, but Bo had known John long enough to see that the man was visibly shaken, and not willing to give up. 

“She said Stefano has them in San Cristobal. They’re surrounded by jungle. Hope is ill, but Doc says there’s no cause…but she mentioned that Hope is desperate to get home to you and Shawn D, and maybe that’s why she’s sick,” John told him, pacing the office and grabbing at his hair helplessly.

Bo sat forward, as his heart started racing, “So this woman, you think is Marlena, she says it’s just her and Hope?”

John stopped pacing and looked at Bo wondering if her could trust him with this next part, but realized that if he wanted his help, he was going to need to be completely truthful, “No…there’s someone else with them…my son.”

Bo stared at John, “Your son?”

“Marlena was pregnant when Orpheus took her. We didn’t know. She said she has my son, and she named him after Abe.”

“Fuck,” Bo said. “Could it be a trap?”

“I doubt it, Bo. She was scared. She kept whispering, and I could hear it…the panic in her voice. She was terrified that someone would catch her on the phone,” John  said quietly. “It felt real. I don’t think this is a trap. I think Stefano had Doc, my son, and Hope. The only question is, do you believe me?”

“I think we need help if we’re going to do this,” Bo said with a smile.

John smiled back, relief washing over, “Who do you have in mind?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“The trace on the call says it came from San Cristobal,” Shane told John and Bo. “I can’t believe I’ve even allowed the two of you to talk me into this.”

“Your the director of the ISA, and Shane we don’t have anyone else. You know just as much about Stefano, and how devious he is, as we do!” John said. “We need help!”

“What if this is a trap, John? Have you thought about that?” Shane asked him.

“I have, but it doesn’t matter. If you won’t help me…if Bo won’t help me, then I’ll do this alone, but I won’t leave her. Not if there’s a chance that she’s alive out there, with my son, I’m going to check it out,” John said. 

“Here’s what I know,” Shane said, sitting down heavily on his couch. “There has been a rumor for several years that Stefano has a compound on San Cristobal. Two-thirds of that island is uninhabited jungle. The only part that is livable is the southwest corner.”

“Has the ISA looked into the possibility that Stefano might have a compound there?” Bo asked, feeling something close to hope rising up inside him.

Shane sighed, thinking that what he was about to tell them was top secret, but also knowing that they both had experience working with the ISA. “Okay, what I’m about to tell you does not leave this room. Do you understand?” John and Bo nodded. Shane continued, “Surveys were done of the island. Topographical, visual, and heat scans. If Stefano has a compound, its well hidden, and probably mostly underground. The heat scans had to be done at night, since the climate is tropical. There was something…but we never looked into it further.”

“When were the scans done?” Bo asked.

“Two years ago,” Shane said. “The ISA dropped it, because it was assumed that Stefano when Roman escaped. Roman said he’d killed the man.”

“According to Doc, he’s alive. That’s what he does! He fakes his death. How many times had he done that?” John said in frustration, standing up and pacing the floor in front of the fireplace. 

“Shane, maybe…maybe this is a trick, but I trust John. I’d trust John with my life, and he’s absolutely certain that the person he spoke to last night was Marlena. If there’s a chance that she’s alive…that Hope is alive, we are obligated to check it out,” Bo said.

“You’re right. Of course, you’re right,” Shane said. “I’m going to work on this. We’ll have to get a team together—”

“I want to be involved in this Shane. You can’t leave me out of this,” John said, walking back over to where Shane sat.

“John, you’re no longer with the ISA, and even when you were, we thought you were Roman! You can’t be involved in this. If we find the compound, it’s going to have to be a specially trained group to go in and get them out. It’s much too risky to have you or Bo in there.”

“Fuck!” John said. “I’m so fucking scared for her right now. Shane, she sounded so scared.”

Shane stood up, walking towards John, “I promise you both, if Hope and Marlena are there, if your son is there, we will get them out.”

“We’re coming to San Cristobal,” Bo said. “Once you get them all out, there’s no way we can bring them back to Salem right away. Hope and Marlena don’t know that Roman is back. They still think John is Roman. There’s a lot they need to know before we can bring them back here. Coming here right away is a bad idea.”

John walked over to Bo, with tears shining in his eyes, “Thank you. Thank you for believing me.”

“You have never lied to me, big brother,” Bo said, hugging John tightly. “If they’re alive, and they’ve been with Stefano all this time…we don’t know what they’ve been through. You won’t say it, because Roman’s my brother, but…”

“You’re right, Bo. It’s going to be incredibly stressful for her. Learning I’m not Roman, finding out he’s alive, and learning that…learning what happened with the children…”

“I’m with you, John. If Hope is ill, like you mentioned…she’s going to need medical care. She’s going to need time.”

John looked to Shane, “Can you keep us up to date? At least let us know what’s going on?”

Shane said, “I promise, I will. If you insist on going to San Cristobal, you might as well make preparations. You’re going to need a place to stay—”

“—Money is not a problem. I’ll take care of everything,” John said to Shane as he and Bo walked towards the front door. Once they were outside, John told Bo, “We’re going to find them, and we’re going to bring them home.”

“If Hope is alive, and if she’s sick—”

“Doc said there was no cause Bo. She thinks that Hope is simply ill because of a broken heart. She wants you, and her son. I’m going to arrange everything, and then we’re going to go and get them. I promise,” John told him. “But, Bo, we can’t discuss any of this with Roman or anyone else. It could compromise the whole mission.”

“I know. Believe me, I know,” Bo told him.

Chapter 3

…I was scared when I looked at my reflection

And the shine I saw were the eyes of you.

Carrie slid into the booth across from John at the diner with a questioning look on her face. The music was loud and the noise of the talking patrons, made meeting John here safer than somewhere quiet. They normally met once a week, and since she had just seen him the day before, she knew, something was wrong. She could see it in the lines of his eyes, and the set of his jaw. She’d also seen Roman earlier, and he’s been in a horrible mood. Ranting and raving about John, and making her promise to stay away from him. “So, you going to tell me what’s going on, Dad?”

“I promised you when Roman came back that I would never lie to you, and I won’t, Punkin’, but damn, if this isn’t hard,” John said, running his fingers through his hair. He had left Shane’s house, and come straight to the diner. Asking to use their phone, he’d called around for Carrie, finding her at the fish market, and asking her to meet him. His trust with Carrie had been incredibly fragile when Roman had come back, and John’s promise to always tell her the truth was essential, even if he felt like this was a lot to put on an eighteen year old girl. He knew that if he didn’t tell her, his relationship with Carrie might be broken irrevocably. “Last night, as I was leaving, someone called your house. I stopped, just to hear who was calling so late, and…and the voice…G-d! It was Marlena’s voice, Carrie.”

She stared at John dumbfounded, “What?”

“I know it sounds crazy, even far fetched, but Carrie, it was Doc. I would put my life on it, that it was Doc,” John said. “She said that Stefano has her. He’s had her this whole time…and she said…he has Hope, too. I know this is a lot to take in, and I’m sorry for that.”

“You told Roman?”

“I did, and he’s—”

“—he wouldn’t listen. Would he? I know he wouldn’t listen, because just before you called, he’d given me the lecture about talking to you, and he hasn’t done that in nearly six months. Do you think it was really her?”

“Carrie, it was her. I know it was her,” he said emphatically.

“What are you going to do? I know you’re going to do something,” Carrie told him.

“Bo and I—”

“—you went to Bo?”

“Right after your father kicked me out of his office. Of course, I went to Bo. I wasn’t sure if he’d believe me, but I was damn sure going to tell him,” John said in low tones. 

“Are you going after them?”

“Carrie, I can’t tell you anything more about the specifics, but I have a business trip for the Toscano Foundation, and Bo’s planning to take Shawn D on a family vacation soon. That’s all I can say.”

“Okay. I understand, Dad. I do. I know why you can’t tell me any more, and I’m—I’m really happy you trust me enough to tell me what’s going on,” she said with a small smile. “I know you probably think I’m too young—”

“Damn right, you’re too young…but I’m not about to break a promise I made to you. You understand me?”

“Thank you.”

“If Doc, and Hope are out there, we won’t come home without them, but Bo and I talked, and…if they are with Stefano…there’s a lot of catching up they’re going to have to do. Not to mention we don’t know what he might have put them through. We think it might be best to spend some time with them before coming back to Salem,” John said.

Carrie thought of all of the horrible things that Marlena or Hope might have been through while they were with Stefano. She thought about Roman’s return, and everything she and the twins had gone through in the last year. Looking at John, she nodded, and said, “You’re right, but maybe…if you and Bo find them, can you call me somehow? Please?”

John wrapped her clenched hands in his, and said, “Punkin’, I swear, if we find Doc and Hope, you’ll be the first person I call.”

“Promise?”

“I swear it,” he said softly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Shawn and Caroline looked at their son in surprise. Shawn finally said, “You’re doing what now?”

“I’m taking Shawn D for a little trip on the boat,” Bo said, sitting back in the wooden kitchen chair. “We haven’t gotten to spend much time together since Hope died, and I think it’s time we did…just the two of us.”

Caroline was surprised. Hope’s death had changed Bo, and he’d never recovered from it. This sudden optimism was unexpected. She said, “It’s fine, of course, we were just surprised.”

“When will ye be leaving?” Shawn asked him, also wondering about Bo’s sudden change in attitude.

“I’m not sure yet Pop, probably within the next week or so. I’ve got some things I need to wrap up first with the agency.”

“Ye sure ye got the money for something like this?” Shawn asked him, concerned about how Bo planned to pay for a trip like that. 

“Yeah, I’ve got the money,” Bo replied with a grin. “I’m excited about this. Just me and Shawn D for awhile. It’ll be nice.”

“What will be nice?” Roman asked, walking into his parents kitchen. Bo watched his brother warily, and let his parents respond to the question.

“Bo is taking Shawn D on a trip for a little while,” Caroline said.

“Yeah? Where you going?” Roman asked, planting himself at the kitchen table across from Bo. 

“We’re going to take the Fancy Face out to sea. I want to teach him about sailing, and tell him about the trip his mom and I took,” Bo said, irritated at Roman’s attitude. 

“How you gonna pay for that?” Roman asked him with a slight sneer.

Bo sighed, “I just told Pop, Roman. I’ve got money.”

“So Victor’s paying for it, huh?” Roman said smugly.

Shawn looked at Roman, and then turned to Bo, “Is that true, son?”

“No, Pop. That’s not true,” Bo said looking at Roman as if he could strangle him. “I’ve got money. My own money. I’ve been planning this for awhile, I just never said anything.” Staring at Roman for a moment longer, he said, “You really are an ass.”

“I was just asking. Trips like that cost money, and the last time I checked your PI business was barely hanging on,” Roman told him. “You’re always welcome back at the station.”

“No. I don’t want to do that. My hours are flexible now. I can drop Shawn D at kindergarten, and pick him up at the end of the day.”

“I guess,” Roman said with a shrug. “You seen John today? After I called you this morning?”

“Why are you so obsessed with John today?” Bo asked him.

“Listen, he’s the one who came in my office spouting all kinds of bullshit about Marlena and Hope being alive. I just felt like I needed to warn you. So, did he come by?” Roman asked Bo.

“No. I haven’t seen him today,” Bo said. Looking at his watched he decided to make his excuses and leave, because any more time with Roman, and he might punch him in his sorry face. Standing up he told them, “I’ve gotta get going, Shawn D’s watched too much TV, and I have to get him some dinner.”

“You can stay here for dinner, if you’d like,” Caroline said. “Roman are the kids in the living room with Shawn D?”

“Nah, Ma. Carrie’s got ‘em,” Roman said.

Caroline couldn’t understand why Roman had fought tooth and nail for custody of the twins, and he left the parenting to Carrie. “Carrie? Roman, she’s got school, and work to focus on,” Caroline said.

“She’s fine, Ma. She doesn’t mind watching them. She loves them,” Roman told his mother.

“But, Roman, it’s not Carrie’s responsibility to be watching the twins all the time,” Shawn said. “Ye be putting too much on the girl. Plus, what ye did earlier—”

“—there was nothing wrong with what I did earlier,” Roman interrupted.

Caroline said softly, “Sometimes you get so angry, and Carrie didn’t do anything wrong, Roman.”

“She needs to stay away from John Black! That’s what she needs to do,” Roman said. “She needs to do what I tell her.”

Bo was fed up with his pig-headed brother, saying, “She’s an adult, Roman. You know that, right? You don’t have the right to pick who she talks to anymore.”

“She also lives in my house, so she can damn well respect my rules, and I told her to stay the fuck away from John!” Roman roared. “You all might buy into his manipulation, but I won’t. You may have accepted him as me, let him into your homes, and allowed him to raise my children…but, I’m back now, and he needs to understand that he doesn’t belong here. He’s not a Brady, and he never was. So, he can damn well, stay away from my family!”

“You know what, Roman? You were a jerk before you died, but you’re a fucking asshole now,” Bo said. “Carrie is not Sami and Eric’s mother! She’s an eighteen year old girl, doing your damned job as a parent!” Turning to Shawn and Caroline, he said, “Ma, Pop, I can’t be around him right now, so Shawn D and I are going to go home.” Bo kissed his mother and hugged his father, and left the kitchen without another word. 

“Roman, ye went to court and ye fought for the children, but ye never spend any time with them. It’s not Carrie’s job to be their mother,” Shawn said. “Why don’t ye go home tonight, and have dinner with them. I bet they’d be happy if ye did.”

“Pop, I just came by to check on you, but I’ve got to get back to the station. Tell you what, I’ll try and make plans with them for tomorrow night,” Roman said, standing up and kissing his mother on the cheek. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was late. Definitely past the twins bedtime, but John knocked on the back door quietly, and was surprised when Eric answered the door. “Hey slugger, where’s your sister?”

Eric smiled, “Which one?”

“I see. You’ve got jokes,” John said stepping inside, and ruffling the boys hair. “Go get your sisters for me, will you?”

Eric turned his head to the side, and yelled, “Carrie! Sami! Come in the kitchen!”

“That’s one way of doing it,” John said with a grin.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to come here, because you might get arrested,” Eric said.

“That’s true, but I needed to see you and Sami,” John replied, grabbing Eric’s little hand in his, and walking out to the dining room table. 

Just as he pulled Eric onto his lap, Sami burst off of the last step, screaming, “Daddy!”

John pulled her into his arms, “Hey Peanut.”

“I missed you, Daddy,” Sami said kissing him on his cheek, and throwing her arms around his neck. “I thought you wasn’t supposed to come—”

“—I already asked that dummy,” Eric interrupted. 

“Oh,” she replied quietly, looking sad.

“Eric,” John said sternly. “Apologize to your sister.”

“I’m sorry…you’re not a dummy.”

“I came to see you guys, because I’m going to be going on a trip, and I might not see you for awhile,” John told them. He looked up as Carrie came down the stairs. “I will call Carrie, and check in though, so I don’t want you to give her a hard time. I need you to listen to her. Can you do that?”

The twins both nodded their heads, and Eric asked, “Where are you going?”

“It’s a secret, but I promise I’ll bring you a surprise when I come back.”

Sami got an excited look on her face, asking, “A puppy?”

“I want a rat. That way I can teach it to play basketball…actually, Dad…can I have six rats? Cause I wanna teach ‘em all to play basketball,” Eric said.

“Absolutely no rats,” Carrie said with a disgusted look on her face.

“Whatever I bring, you’re going to love it. I can promise that,” John said. Suddenly they all turned towards the front door, because they could hear Roman’s car in the driveway. John kissed Sami and Eric quickly, standing up. He walked over to Carrie, hugging her tightly, and said, “I’ll call you. I promise. I gotta go.”

They all followed John into the kitchen, and watched solemnly as he exited through the back door. Just as the door closed with a soft snick, the front door opened, and they heard Roman yell, “I’m home!”

Chapter 4

**Sensitive Topics: sexual assault, abortion**

John and Bo arrived at Shane’s house a week later, at his request. They could tell by the man’s face, and the way he held his body that he had important information. There was a fire in the fireplace, creating a relaxing atmosphere, but they were feeling anything but relaxed. Once they were settled into the leather couches, Shane asked them, “Would you like something to drink? Maybe some—”

“—Shane, can you just tell us what’s going on?” Bo said, leaning forward. His body was tense, and he felt like he was crawling out of his own skin. This past week he had gone over Hope’s death repeatedly in his head. He’d been wracked with nightmares, and unable to sleep. Not to mention, dealing with Roman was nearly impossible. “It’s been a week, and I don’t mean to be impatient, man, but I’m going crazy over this.”

“Yeah, partner, I’m in agreement with Bo. What do you have for us?” John asked. John’s week had been similar to Bo’s. He found himself questioning his own judgement. Did he give up the search for Marlena’s body too soon. Why didn’t he put up more of a fight when they called off the search. And, like Bo, John had been having nightmares almost daily.

Shane started talking, “We’ve had ISA agents on San Cristobal for the last week. I had them dispatched, within two days of us speaking, and it took some maneuvering, but we now have a contact in the house—”

“Fucking hell! The bastard’s alive, isn’t he?” John roared. “I knew he wasn’t dead! Why did Roman say he’d killed him, when he obviously didn’t?”

“A contact in the house? Okay, but does that mean…?” Bo asked, feeling like he could finally allow himself to believe that his wife was alive.

“Yes,” Shane said. “According to the source there are two women, and a young boy living there with a man they know as Rudolpho Meradi. However, when they were shown a photo of Stefano, they confirmed that it was the same man. One of the women is sick, we’re assuming that’s Hope, since John mentioned that Hope was ill,” Shane’s voice trailed off, not sure how to explain the next part. “We didn’t get confirmation on which of the women is which, but we did get confirmation from our source based on photos. If they are to be believed, then it is Marlena and Hope. The woman…Marlena…”

“What?” John said, as a feeling of sickness settled in his belly like a lead weight. Something was wrong, he could feel it. “What, Shane?”

“The source, a groundskeeper, is under the impression that the other woman…was in a relationship with Rudolpho,” Shane said. “They felt it was consensual…”

John stood up, immediately outraged, “No. No way! No fucking way! She wouldn’t willingly—” He stopped speaking abruptly, and then said, “If he put his fucking hands on her…”

“John, we don’t know exactly what is going on,” Shane said. “We can’t jump to conclusions.”

“If she’s with him, it’s because he fucking raped her! You both know that, Shane! She wouldn’t do that!” John yelled, remembering how much Marlena hated Stefano. When they were married they had talked about her killing him, and the trial that had followed. John knew with every fiber of his being, that Marlena would never willingly allow Stefano to touch her. So he had to be physically forcing her, or coercing her into it, if it was happening. 

“John, listen to Shane…we don’t know,” Bo said, trying to calm John down. “Once the ISA gets them out, once we get them to safety, we can…we can try, and unravel all of this.”

“I’m going to be sick,” John whispered, sitting back on the couch with his elbows balanced on his knees, and his hands in his hair. “She’s been with that bastard for more than five years. I’m sick, just thinking about what he might have done to her.”

Bo started feeling John’s sense of urgency. “When? When are you guys going to go in, and get them out?” Bo asked.

“In three days. Our contact has to find a way to get a message to them, telling them to be in a safe place when the raid takes place. Since it’s the groundskeeper, he doesn’t see them every day. We can’t move forward until that’s done,” Shane said. “Now, my question for you is, once they’re out…what’s the plan?”

Bo looks at John, and John nods, allowing him to speak. “John and I are taking Shawn D, and sailing the Fancy Face to St. Louis. We’re leaving tonight, we were just waiting on word from you. We’ll dock the boat there, and then take Victor’s plane from St. Louis to Puerto Baquerizo Moreno on San Cristobal. We’ll wait there for them. As soon as they’re out Shane, I mean as soon as they’re out, we’re taking them, and leaving. You, and the ISA, can question them when they’re healthy…when…when—”

“—you can talk to them when we bring them home, but not before that,” John said forcefully. “We don’t know what the fuck that bastard has put them through, and you won’t put them through questioning until we know they can handle it.”

“I understand,” Shane said. “If it was someone I loved, I would do the same. Can I ask where you’re taking them?”

“On the condition that you don’t tell anyone. No one is to know that they are alive, that they are with us, or where we are,” John said.

“I won’t, John. You both have my word.”

“I’ve made arrangements for a house in Seabrook, Washington. It’s on the beach, it’s quiet…and it’s peaceful. Bo and I…he needs to reconnect with his wife. Shawn D has to get to know a mother he barely remembers, and I—I have to tell Marlena…shit. I have no idea how I’m even going to have that conversation.”

“Does Victor know?” Shane asked them.

“Victor won’t ask questions. We asked to use the plane, he allowed it. Where we go, and what we’re doing…he trusts that we’ll tell him at some point,” John said.

“I have no love for the man, but if you trust him…”

“Victor’s my father, and he was John’s father-in-law…he won’t ask questions, and he won’t pry,” Bo told Shane. “If anyone asks, he’ll cover for us.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena lie on the bed, curled into a ball. The pain and the cramping in her abdomen was almost too much to bear. Another pain tore along her spine, and she curled her body tighter. Trying to stifle a moan, she bit down on the corner of her bed pillow, hoping not to wake Avi, who was sleeping soundly on the other side of the room. She heard the door that connected her room to Hope’s open slowly, and the soft tread of footsteps across the carpet as they neared her bed.

Hope was worried. She may be weak, and depressed nearly all of the time, but she was oblivious. She knew what Marlena had done, and it was breaking her heart. Stepping up to Marlena’s bed, Hope slid in behind her, wrapping her in her arms. “I know what you did. You don’t have to hide it from me,” Hope whispered softly in the dark.

Marlena’s tears started falling hard and fast, as she struggled to contain her sobs. “I can’t!” she cried. “I won’t.”

“I understand. I’m not judging you. I’m just worried for you,” Hope told her, barely above a whisper. “When did you do it?”

“I—I took the mifepristone last night…and the misoprotol…I took that about four hours ago,” Marlena told her, still crying. Crying for what she could have had, and crying for what she’d refused to have. “I can’t do it Hope. I can’t have that monster’s baby…it would kill me. I couldn’t…I couldn’t love it.”

“You don’t have to tell me. You don’t have to justify it to me…what he does to you…that’s rape,” Hope said. “Even if you don’t fight him, he knows you don’t want it…he’s forcing you by threatening me, or threatening to take away Avi…that’s rape, Marlena. Tell me you know that.”

“I know. I know…I know…it just feels like I’m somehow allowing it to—”

“—you’re not!” Hope whispered emphatically. “You’re not!”

“I do know…I just—my mind is so…I have to get out of here, Hope. We have to get out of here,” Marlena said.

“The medicine…I know that Stefano allows you to handle the medical side of the compound, but is he going to figure it out?” Hope asked her. “This is the—” 

“—third time in two years? G-d! I know!” Marlena said crying even harder. Thinking that she’d used a combination of drugs to end her third pregnancy tonight, but the thought of carrying Stefano’s baby to term had her feeling suicidal. As soon as she realized she was pregnant, she would feel disgusted and dirty inside, desperate to get it out by any means she could. In her mind, ending those pregnancies had been her own option, aside from ending her own life. She would deal with G-d’s wrath when she died, but right now, she had to take care of herself, and Avi. She would not have Stefano’s baby.

“No one is judging you, and I believe in my heart…G-d isn’t judging you either. Stefano is a sick, manipulative, sadistic bastard. I don’t expect you to carry his baby…Marlena, you are the strongest woman I know,” Hope whispered, holding her tighter, and brushing the hair from Marlena’s forehead. “The strongest woman I have ever met.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Marlena whispered, allowing Hope to continue to hold her.

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Hope whispered. 

“I want—I want to kill him. I want to get us out of here.”

“Roman’s going to come…you know he will.”

“He promised,” Marlena said. “He did promise me.”

“Did you tell him about Avi?” Hope asked her.

Marlena thought about her son, with his deep indigo eyes, oval face, and dark hair. He looked exactly like his father. It wasn’t a problem to look like his father…it just meant that his father wasn’t Roman. Marlena paused, finally saying, “I didn’t tell him. I called him Roman when we talked, and he—he didn’t correct me. If he comes, if they get us out of here, I’ll tell him. I’ll have to tell him that he’s not Roman.”

Chapter 5

I was scared when you touched my lips

And the breath I took was the breath…

Jose had been watching his boss, with the woman he now knew was Marlena, for the last two days, looking for a moment when he might be able to speak with her without suspicion. Ever since the ISA had approached him, offering him more money than he could ever imagine, he had been watching their interactions. The ISA had offered him enough money to take care of his family, and enough to send his children to whatever school they wished. He could see now that whatever Rudolpho’s relationship was with her, she did not want his touch. Her body tensed, and flinched every time he neared her. On the outside, Rudolpho seemed caring, considerate…as if her welfare was his sole concern, but there was something else there, if one cared to look. The way the man’s eyes tightened at the corners, the way he would lean close, and whisper something in her ear, causing her face to fall. She would go from being beautiful in her silent defiance of him, to a crushed, and broken woman. Those small, almost imperceptible changes only solidified his decision to help her. He continued trimming the bushes, in the hope of finding a moment to speak with her.

Stefano leaned closer to Marlena, saying to her softly, “You will join me tonight in my room. It is not a request.” She felt the bile rise up, as his breath wafted over her neck, and he breathed deeply of her scent, a combination of vanilla and plumeria that he had made especially for her. “You are exquisite, Marlena.”

“I can’t tonight,” she said quietly, hoping and praying that he would accept her answer.

“As I stated, it is not a request,” he said forcefully, leaning closer, and invading her personal space. His sour breath wafted hit her nose, as he whispered, “I want you in my bed, Marlena. You’re the only woman I’ve ever craved this much. It amazes me that I have yet to tire of you. Your body inflames me.”

Marlena forced herself not to recoil from his touch, saying quietly, “I’m on my period right now. I can’t.”

Stefano smiled at her like a predator stalking his prey, trailing his fingers down over her shoulder, and along the plane of her spine, “That has never deterred me before, my queen. You know that. I should tell you that I’ve been looking at boarding schools for your dear Avi. He’s nearing the age to start school, isn’t he?”

“No! He’s barely five, Stefano. He would still be in preschool. You can’t do that! I’m his mother,” she said. “You can’t take him away from me!” she begged him. “You know—you know, he’s all I’ve got!”

“I’ll let you have dinner with the child, and put him to bed, but I expect you no later than 9:30 pm,” Stefano told her, leaning down to kiss her softly on the cheek.

Marlena felt the acid from her stomach roil up in the back of her throat, causing a burning sensation that was not unfamiliar. She watched him go, and then slowly walked back to the blanket where Avi was napping under a nearby tree. Her beautiful boy. The one thing in her life that allowed her to have hope, because without him, she surely would have ended her own life by now, rather than continue the existence she was currently resigned too. Just as she was about to sit down, she heard a shuffling of feet near the bushes, and looked over. The groundskeeper was watching her. She smiled at him sadly, but as she started to sit, he shook his head no, and gave her one quick wave of his hand to indicate that he’d like to speak with her. Marlena looked around, wary of Stefano, and everyone who worked for him. She stepped closer, into the shadow of the tree, asking the man, “Yes?”

“Tengo un mensaje para usted,” Jose whispered. [I have a message for you.]

“A message from who?” she asked softly, still looking around.

“Por favor, no salgas de tu habitación esta noche. Manténganse encerrados a sí mismos ya su hijo, así como a la otra mujer. La ISA está allanando el recinto a las 7:00 pm. Su marido ha enviado ayuda,” Jose told her, and then walked away without a backward glance. [Please don’t leave your room tonight. Keep yourselves and your son locked up, as well as the other woman. The ISA is raiding the compound at 7:00 pm. Your husband has sent help.]

The ISA was coming. Tonight. Her husband had sent help. She stepped over to where Avi was sleeping, and scooped her sleeping child into her arms, as tears of joy flowed freely down her cheeks. Marlena rushed into the house, intent on waking Hope. They would be free tonight or die trying.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The raid may have started at 7:00 pm, but Marlena, Hope, and Avi heard nothing until Stefano burst from a hidden panel in the wall of her bedroom, and headed straight for her, roaring, “Did you know about this?” His face was red with rage, as spittle flew from his lips. He grabbed her by her hair, jerking her forward, as he yelled, “After everything I have done for you? After all of the love I’ve shown for you?”

Marlena shoved Avi behind her, even as the small boy pulled at her sweater, attempting top hand onto her. She had already told Hope that if they were separated, she needed to keep Avi with her. Looking up at Stefano in defiance, Marlena said, “Know about what? What’s happening?”

He pulled her hair harshly once more, before letting go, and screaming, “You bitch! As if you don’t know that the ISA has just entered my compound!”

“I—I don’t know what you’re talking about, Stefano,” she said weakly as he grabbed at her arm. She felt herself weakening, her mind going to that space where she disassociated and everything became surreal and everything became a morbid fantastic type of reality. She couldn’t go there right now. She couldn’t let her mind leave this place. Trying to pull her arm away, she said, “You’re hurting me!”

Stefano swung her body around to face him, and hit her harshly across her cheek, “We are leaving. Say good bye to your precious little Avi.”

Her hand clenched in her pocket around the syringe she had hoped she wouldn’t have to use. Using her thumb and her forefinger, she slipped the cap off of the needle, and continued to hold it tightly within her pocket. The noise outside had moved into the house, the shouting and the gunfire becoming overwhelming. She had to be free of this. She had to stop him. She could hear her son crying for her, and Hope screaming for help at the door of the room, and into the hallway. Stefano started pulling Marlena towards the secret panel he had emerged from, and she knew, she knew then, that if she didn’t fight back, she would never see Hope, Avi, or her family again. With all of the power and energy she had left in her body, she swung her left arm up, jamming the needle of the syringe into Stefano’s neck so hard that blood began to trickle out immediately. Before he could pull away, she pressed the plunger, jerking the needle back, and throwing it to the floor with a rage filled, morbid satisfaction.

Stefano looked at her in shock, and outrage. This was not the usual docile, complacent, Marlena Brady. This was the one he remembered from years ago, full of fire. This was the one he wanted in his bed, “What did you do, Marlena?”

She stared at him in shock, still surprised that she had actually done it, “We’re leaving! Now!” She started to walk away, but she looked back. She needed to see what she’d done to him. She needed to know, that, for once in the last five years of her life, that she wasn’t powerless.

Stefano felt that something was wrong, his skin was clammy, and his vision was blurring. “What did you do?” he yelled at her, his head swiveling around, as he began to get dizzy. “Marlena!” he roared. She was watching him, with a gleam in her eye, a sense of satisfaction. Stefano could feel his body shutting down, and if this didn’t kill him, it would most certainly incapacitate him forever.

Somehow she found it within herself to approach him, to lean close to him, as she breathed in the scent of his cologne. She nearly wretched with the smell of him, but she forced herself to do…so she could remember what she hated. Once she was right in front of him, he collapsed to his knees, staring up at her, asking her weakly, “What did you do to me?”

“Insulin,” she whispered, watching him fall to the floor. His eyes looked up at her helplessly, as she told him, “I overdosed you on insulin, and if it doesn’t kill you…it will at least keep you away from me, and away from my family for the rest of your life.”

Stefano stared up at her with wide eyes, feeling himself start to lose consciousness, and realizing that she’d used his own diabetes medicine to very likely end his life. All he could do was watch from his prone position on the plush carpet, as she pulled her child into her arms, grabbed Hope’s hand, and fled the room. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

It was past 10:00 when John and Bo received the call from Shane. They had been at the airport since their plane landed at 7:30 pm. As soon as the satellite phone started to beep, John snatched it up, practically screaming into the phone, “Hello?”

“John. We have them. It’s Marlena and Hope. You were right, John! You were right!” Shane said into the phone. “Are you at the airport?”

“Yes. Yes, we’ve been here for hours,” John told him, looking at Bo, and giving him a thumbs up. 

Bo sighed in relief, glancing down at Shawn D asleep on the couch. Hope was alive. And now his real fear began. He couldn’t help but worry about what condition he’d find her in, and how he would be able to help her cope with whatever her and Marlena had been through. Then there was John’s son, a boy near Shawn D’s age. He sat down on the couch, gently brushing his fingers through his son’s hair, and waited. 

“John, the agents…they’re getting Marlena and Hope, as well as Abraham, ready for travel, but you need to know…Marlena’s already been treated for shock. Stefano tried to take her, and she—she injected him with a near lethal dose if insulin,” Shane said in a rush. “He’ll be lucky if he survives this, and if he does, he will never be the same.”

“She’s alive, and my son’s alive…that’s what matters,” John said softly, relief coursing through his body. “When can you be here?”

“We have to drive on unpaved dirt roads for nearly twenty miles, just to get out of this jungle…three hours? Maybe three and a half?”

“We’ll be here. Can you—can you tell Doc something for me?”

“I will,” Shane said.

“Tell her—tell her, that no matter what, no matter what, I will be there for her, and out son. I swear on my life, I will be there for her,” John whispered.

“I will, John. I’ll see you in about three hours,” Shane said. He disconnected the call, and walked outside, watching as Stefano’s comatose body was lifted into the back of one of the ISA vans. Walking over to the other van where Marlena, and Hope sat with Abraham, he said, “Marlena?”

She flinched at the sound of Shane’s voice, shying away from his light touch on her arm. He pulled his hand back, watching her intently, “John wanted me to—”

“John?” she asked softly, feeling hope rise up in her like a mass of butterflies.

“I meant, Roman,” he said, but the mistake had already been made.

“I know he’s not Roman,” she whispered. “I can look at my son, and know that he wasn’t Roman, Shane. I came to terms with that nearly four years ago. So…he—he knows? He already knows that he’s not Roman?”

“He does…he found out about a year ago. He’s going by John Black again. He wanted me to tell you something,” he told her. 

“He did?” she asked, needing some sense of validation that he still cared for her.

“He said to tell you that no matter what, he will be there for you. He was very insistent that I relayed that message to you.”

She smiled at Shane softly, “Thank you, Shane. Thank you so much.”

Abraham lifted his head from his mothers chest, looking up at Shane with large blue eyes, and whispered with a small, sad, smile, “Muchas gracias señor.”

Shane smiled at the boy who looked so much like John it was uncanny, and replied, “De nada, Avi.”

Chapter 6

…That shook me with a shock

Like a flame as eternal as the song and the song is you.

John’s first sighting of Marlena after nearly six years broke his heart. She was thin. Much thinner than he expected her to be. Her hair had grown long, nearly halfway down her back, in blonde waves, and pulled into a loose ponytail at the base of her skull. In her arms was a small child. John couldn’t see the boys face because it was buried in her neck, and his legs were wound tightly around her waist. She stepped out of the van, and as soon as she looked up, her eyes caught his. It nearly broke his heart right then. Her eyes had always been expressive, telling a story without words, and in that moment her eyes told the saddest story he could imagine. He wanted to run to her, and pull her into his arms, but he knew just from her eyes, that it wouldn’t be the appropriate response. While she seemed to call to him, she also seemed to be telling him to stay back.

Walking carefully towards her, he smiled softly, saying, “Hey, Doc.”

“You came for us,” she said, almost as if she was surprised, or it was a question as to whether he would.

“I will always come for you,” he told her, studying every nuance of her face. “Always.”

Avi peeked out of Marlena’s neck, watching John, and he was struck by how much the child looked like him. Looking at Marlena he realized that she must know, he wasn’t Roman. Looking at his son, there was no way she didn’t know. Marlena tipped her head down slightly, saying to her son, “Avi, this is your daddy.”

He lifted his head, and asked, “Papi?”

She smiled, kissing his head, “Yes, baby, your Papi.”

Avi studied John intently, and then looked to Marlena again, “English or Spanish?”

“English, honey,” she told him. “Do you want to say hello?” Avi may never have met John, but he knew of him. His whole life had been filled with stories of his father. He had built him up to be a man who was kind, and safe, a man who would protect them at all costs, and never hurt his mother. Avi loved John, without even knowing him, simply because Marlena had made sure of it.

Turning to John, the little boy held out his arms, reaching for John, and John was able to hold his child for the first time. His body was small, tiny even. John remembered when Sami and Eric were this small. Avi looked up at John, and used his small hand to touch his face softly, “I look like you, Papi. Mama told me I do.”

“I think you do, too,” John said, realizing he had tears in his eyes. He glanced over at Marlena. She looked exhausted, and broken. The breeze was blowing loose strands of her hair across her face, and he was fascinated, watching her brush it away from her face with the back of her hand. Longing, and sadness hit him hard and fast, as that one small, minute gesture, tore his heart open again. He held his hand out to her, allowing her the choice to take it, but not forcing her. He could tell from her demeanor that sudden movements or unwanted touches would only serve to scare her right then. Slowly, she reached for him, allowing his hand to encompass hers, and lead her toward the plane.

Marlena had taken only a few steps towards the plane, before she started looking around frantically, scared for a moment, “Where’s Hope?”

“She’s already on board,” John said in a reassuring tone. “Bo brought Shawn D with us, and he was asleep on the plane.”

“Shawn D is with you? Are we going back to Salem?”

“Not right away. Bo and I decided that we’re not going to take you back right away. We thought that you and Hope might need—”

“—thank you,” she said, stopping mid stride, and staring up at him. “Thank you.”

“Doc, baby, I will do anything for you…anything,” he said emphatically, hoping she could understand the depth of what he was telling her. “Whatever you need…we’ll figure it out together.”

She was scared to ask for what she needed, it had been so long, but she needed to replace the horror in her mind with something she remembered fondly. Her anxiety was high, and she felt a panic attack coming on. Feeling like she simply couldn’t cope with that right then, she needed something to ground her, and pull her back from the brink. She looked around quickly, and asked John abruptly, “Do you wear the same cologne?”

“I do,” he said. She was so quiet, and jittery, skittish almost.

“Can I…don’t grab me, please don’t touch me, but…can I—”

“—Doc, I’ll stand here, just me and Avi, and you can do whatever you want. I won’t…I won’t touch you, if you don’t want me to touch you, okay?”

She nodded slowly, her mind finally acknowledging that Stefano had damaged her to such an extreme, that she distrusted the person she trusted most in the world. Stepping closer, she fisted her hand in the fabric of his t-shirt, and buried her face in his chest, breathing deeply. She inhaled deep breathes of him, using the soft fabric to calm herself, while she rubbed her face over it. Finally, after several moments, Marlena rested her forehead on him, and continued to take deep breaths, counting backwards from ten. John’s rich spicy, musk scent, transported her momentarily to another time, another place, and a sob so deep, so unexpected, it wrenched John’s soul, tore from her throat. 

“Mama?” Avi whispered, leaning towards her, and reaching for her. The boy started crying, “Mama?”

“Hey, Avi?” John said quietly. The boy looked up at John, waiting to see what he would say. John told him, “If I put you down, can you hold onto my pocket?” Avi nodded his head, and slid down his fathers body slowly, taking his little hand and grabbing onto John’s front pocket. “Don’t let go, okay son?” John tipped his head down towards Marlena, whispering, “Doc? Honey…I’m going to pick you up, so we can get on the plane. Can I pick you up?”

She gripped his shirt tighter within her fist, her sobs becoming uncontrollable, as she took in gasping heaves of air. She couldn’t think. It was as if everything was collapsing around her, and all she could think to do was bury herself in John’s scent, and disappear. Nothing was breaking through until she heard her sons voice, “¿Puede papi llevarte a mamá?” [Can Daddy carry you, Mama?] She felt Avi’s tug on her sweater, and she simply nodded her head, because she had nothing left in her. 

As gently as he possibly could, John lifted her into his arms. She was limp, one arm hanging awkwardly, while the other refused to let go of his shirt. He led them toward the plane, telling Avi, “Avi, when we get to the stairs, can you go up in front of me?”

“Is Hope there?” he asked carefully. He knew that John was his father, but sometimes being quiet was better. Mean people and bad people might ignore you if you were quiet.

“She is, and she has a little boy nearly the same age as you.”

“Okay,” was his only reply. John noticed that Avi seemed unnaturally quiet, but he couldn’t focus on any of that right now. He needed to get them to Washington, and begin what he now knew would be the long process of helping Marlena, and Avi heal. 

When John carried Marlena onto the plane, Bo was finally able to get a good look at John’s son, and he had to admit that the boy looked just like his father. Hope had told him, that Marlena had already deduced that John wasn’t Roman, simply based on her child’s face. Avi’s face lit up when he saw Hope, and he waved at her shyly, and then looked over at Bo warily. Hope said, “Avi, honey, come here.”

The boy followed John as he set Marlena on the couch. Kneeling down in front of his son, John said, “Do you want to say hello to Hope?’

Avi nodded, and said, “Yes, but…”

Realizing the boy was scared of Bo, John told him, “No one here will hurt you. Do you understand? No one will hit you, or yell at you. No one will hurt your Mama either. I promise.” Pointing his finger in Bo’s direction, John said, “That man right there is like my brother. He’s the safest person I know.”

“Okay,” Avi said quietly.

“You can go over there if you want to, or you can stay here. No one will force you to do something you don’t want to do, if you don’t feel safe.”

“Never?”

“Absolutely never, and Hope’s feelings won’t be hurt if you stay over here with me, and you Mama.”

“They won’t?”

“Nope,” John said.

Avi looked at Hope, waving at her again, and said in the bravest voice he could, “Hi, Hope. I’m going…” He looked at John again, and said a little quieter, “I’m going to stay over here.”

Hope got up from where she was sitting, and came over to Avi, sitting on the floor beside him. She pulled the boy into her arms, and kissed him, saying, “Someday, when you’re ready, you’re going to love Bo.”

Glancing at Bo again, Avi said, “Okay.” Once Hope got up, and walked away Avi climbed onto the couch beside his mother, whispering, “Nadie nos va a pegar ni a gritar porque papi lo dijo.” [No one is going to hit us or yell at us, because daddy said so.]

“Doc?” John said quietly. “Are you okay, if I tell the pilot we’re ready to go?”

“Yes. Yes,” she said. “I never want to come here again.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and Avi were finally asleep. John noticed that both of them seemed to sleep fitfully, as if their safety was never guaranteed. Hope was awake, and watching him. Finally she gestured for John to come over to where she sat. He slid down to the floor by her feet, emotionally exhausted, and completely unsure of where to begin with his family, now that they were safe. Looking up at Hope, John whispered, “He hurt her, didn’t he?”

“He hurt her more than anyone should have to endure,” Hope said, softly.

“It’s all my fault,” he said, tears falling from his eyes. “It was a trick the first time, when Orpheus blew up the house. She wasn’t dead, so why would the second time be any different? I fucking gave up, Hope. The Coast Guard said there was no way someone could have survived, that the wreckage was spread out over miles…and I just believed them, and walked away. Why the fuck did I do that?”

“John, we all believed she was gone.”

“But she wasn’t! I should have looked for her…I should have…”

“What?” Hope asked him. “Look at me, John. What would you have done? Where would you have gone? There’s nothing you could have done! We didn’t know!”

“I can’t accept that, Hope! I can’t accept that at all, because while I went back to Salem…Doc was…fuck.” He held his head in his hands for a moment, and finally looked up, “How did she end up with Stefano? Did she tell you?”

“Orpheus sold her,” Hope whispered. “He faked her death, and then sold her. Marlena thinks that Orpheus wanted to be rid of her, just in case you didn’t believe she died, and you went looking for him…Orpheus could say definitively that he didn’t have you. Selling her to Stefano was just another way to hurt you, even if you didn’t know it.”

“She was pregnant, Hope! She would have been very obviously pregnant by then.”

“She was, and Stefano has used Avi as leverage against her ever since. She would do anything…anything…to keep that boy safe,” Hope told him, hoping he’d understand what she really meant.

“And he took advantage of that, didn’t he? He manipulated her, and coerced her, leaving her broken, and scared. She sacrificed herself for our child,” John whispered. “Did he rape her, Hope?”

“John, I can’t…I can’t answer these questions. You’re going to need to speak with Marlena. What you’re asking is so…it’s so private.”

He could feel that it was true, though. Marlena’s reluctance for touch, her wariness around men, her protectiveness of Avi, and what little information he’d gotten from Shane all pointed to her being a victim of Stefano’s madness. Being a victim of Stefano’s sick games for five years would change anyone. Roman was a perfect example, but Marlena was a shell of the defiant, confidant, self-possessed woman she used to be. “You’re right,” John said. “But I can be patient.”

John walked over to where Marlena and Avi were sleeping on the other couch, and slid to the floor near their heads, leaning back against the couch. His head fell back against the armrest, and he started to doze off, content to be near them, and know that they existed. A small flame of hope came to life in his belly when he felt Marlena’s small hand slide over his shoulder, and fist in the fabric of his t-shirt, right at his neckline. She didn’t let go, and she made no move to touch him further, but he heard her say, barely above a whisper, “Thank you.” 

Chapter 7

I will let you breathe through me…

The house was beautiful. Set on a hill overlooking the ocean, the beach house John had gotten for them was large. The side facing the sea was floor to ceiling windows, from which you could stand there and imagine you walked on the water. The living area was an open concept combined with the kitchen, and a huge fireplace. He’d worked with a realtor, who had assured him that the property was one of the best in the area. A rock lined path led down to the private beach below. John had gotten a place with five bedrooms. He’d decided on the flight to Washington that Marlena and Avi could have a room, and he would take a room by himself. Bo and Hope would be able to figure out their arrangements. 

Although they’d gotten there midmorning, everyone was exhausted. John woke around 4:00 pm, and made his way down the hallway, towards the kitchen. As he was entering the kitchen, he heard, “Papi?” and the patter of little feet behind him.

“Hey there, Avi,” John said softly, kneeling down, staring into the same face he must have possessed as a child. “Is your Mama still asleep?” Avi nodded his head, and continued to stare at his father with wide-eyes. “I was going to make some food. Are you hungry?” Again, Avi gives him a nod in the affirmative. “What kind of food do you like to eat?” Avi simply stares at him, so John decides he’s going to make Sami and Eric’s favorite dinner. “Did your Mama tell you that you have a brother and sister?” Avi shakes his head yes. “I’m going to make us their favorite dinner, would you like that? So have you ever had tomato soup and grilled cheese?” Shaking his head no, the boy follows John into the kitchen, and allows John to put him up on a stool near the kitchen island. “I’m going to need a helper though. Can you be my kitchen helper?” Avi shakes his head yes. “You know, son, you can say yes and no. I’d like it if you wanted to talk to me.”

Avi watches him for a moment, and whispers, “I don’t want to be too loud.”

“You won’t. You won’t make me mad, because I want to know what you’re thinking,” John said, pulling cheese and butter from the fridge, and then searching the pantry for canned tomato soup. “You have to talk if you’re going to be my kitchen helper, okay?”

“Okay,” Avi whispers, watching his father as he moved around the kitchen.

John hears a door open and close at the other end of the hall, and looks up to see Shawn D, running towards them at break neck speed, “Unca John!”

“Hey buddy, we gotta be quiet okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m hungry. Are you going to cook?”

“I was going to make some grilled cheese and tomato soup. Would you like some? Avi’s my kitchen helper,” John said smiling at Avi.

“Can I help too?”

“Sure can, hop on a stool,” John told him. Handing then each a butter knife and the room temperature butter, he said, “Put some butter on one side of each slice. Can you do that for me?”

“My Daddy never lets me do this!” Shawn D said with a huge smile, beginning to smear great globs of butter across the bread.

Avi watched the other child with interest, as he starts to slowly put butter on a slice of bread. He’s careful to get it all the way to the edges. Just as he finishes his first one he realizes that Shawn D has finished five slices, but not very well. John smirks to himself when he sees Avi slide one of Shawn D’s finished slices towards himself, and fixes the way the butter is spread. As Shawn D talks and talks about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Avi methodically fixes each slice of bread.

Shawn D chattered on, “So the Ninja Turtles are Michelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo, and Rafael—” 

“—why are they named after artists?” Avi asked softly.

“Who?” Shawn D asked, confused.

“The turtles.”

John was surprised that Avi had spoken up, and he waited to see what Shawn D would say. Shawn D looked confused for a moment, and then burst out, “What? Unca John, the Ninja Turtles are named after artists?”

“Sounds like it, buddy. Really old, dead, artists,” John said laughing, as he placed slices of buttered bread in a pan. “Avi, can you hand me the cheese?”

Avi hands John the cheese, while still watching Shawn D as if he were a new species of animal he couldn’t quite figure out. “What kind of stuff did they draw? Like trees and stuff?” Shawn D asked Avi.

Avi was quiet for a moment, and John wondered if the boy would even answer. Finally he said, “Some of them paint, but some of them make statues and…and Leonardo was a scientist”

“You must be real smart. Who told you that?”

“My Mama. My Mama taught me a lot of things,” Avi said softly. “She’s very smart.”

“Your mother is the smartest woman I know,” John told him. He flipped the sandwiches, and checked the heat on the soup. John continued to listen to the boys with half an ear, while he finished cooking.

“Shredder,” Shawn D was saying, “He’s the bad guy. Not a good guy. The Ninja Turtles, they gotta fight him. I never met a bad guy before. You ever know a bad guy, Avi?”

“I know a bad guy,” Avi whispered, thinking of Stefano last night. “He—he hit my Mama, and he pulled her hair.”

John dropped the spatula onto the floor with a clatter, causing both boys to jump. Trying to play it off, he laughed, scooping it off the floor, and saying, “Sorry about that. It just slipped out of my hand.” Inside he was vibrating with rage. Avi had seen Stefano hurt his mother.

“Unca John, Avi knows a bad guy,” Shawn D said in shock.

“I made sure to get Marlena, Avi, and your mom away from that bad guy, Shawn D. He won’t touch them ever again,” John promised.

“He won’t? I won’t never see him again?” Avi wanted to know.

“Never again,” John told him, sliding plates with grilled cheese in front of the boys, along with a small bowls of soup. “Now, there’s a trick that makes this really good. Do you know what it is?” Both boys stared at John waiting to see what the trick was. They watched as he lifted half of a grilled cheese, and dipped it into the soup, before tearing a bite off, roughly.

“Ewww! That’s gross!” Shawn D said loudly.

“Did you try it yet?” John wanted to know, still chewing his food. “Because if you didn’t try it, you can’t say it’s gross, Shawn D.

Avi picked up half of a grilled cheese, dipping it into the soup, and bit off a small corner. John had never seen a child take tasting so seriously, After a moment, he swallowed and smiled, “It’s good, Papi. Thank you.”

“You sure it’s good?” Shawn D asked Avi. “Cause it don’t look good.”

“It’s good,” the boy said, as he continued to eat quietly. 

John stopped paying attention, when Marlena stepped into the kitchen. He was so surprised to see her, he forgot himself for a moment. Her long blonde hair hung in waves around her shoulders, and John was still struck by how thin she seemed. Avi looked up, and smiled broadly, “Mama! Papi made me some soup and a cheese sandwich.”

She smiled at him softly, “It looks like it tastes good.”

“Papi said that it’s Sami and Eric’s favorite dinner,” he told her quietly. 

She looked at John hopefully, “Is it?” She was feeling so lost right now. She knew nothing about her children. There was so much she needed to know, and figuring out where to start was going to be hard. 

“Well, Doc,” John said, trying to keep the conversation light. “If you remember, I was never great in the kitchen. I have a few things I can make, this being one of them, and yes, it’s the twins favorite. Would you like some? Because these boys are professional bread butterers.”

Marlena laughed softly, “They are?”

“They sure are,” John said, tossing two more slices of buttered bread in the pan. “Once I get this cooked up, you’ll see. It’s the best grilled cheese you’ll ever have, because these boys know what they’re doing.”

Avi smiled up at John, as if he had just told him he was the smartest boy in the world, and Marlena felt a small corner of her frozen heart, melt a little. “Thank you, John,” she said, standing there, awkwardly. 

“Doc, honey, have a seat. I’ll handle this,” John told her as he puttered around the kitchen.

“I smell food!” Bo said loudly, coming down the hallway, followed by Hope, who immediately went to Marlena. Bo walked up behind John, and asked, “What are you cooking?”

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup,” Shawn D said with a shrug. “It looks gross, but it tastes okay, I guess.”

Hope stepped close to Marlena, reaching out to hold her face in her hands, “You okay?”

“I’m okay,” she replied.

Hope stared at her for a moment longer, pushing a strand of Marlena’s hair behind her ear, and said, “You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Hope said before turning her attention to Avi. “Hey little man. You’ve got your Dad making you food already?” Avi just smiled at her fondly, chewing his last bite of grilled cheese. 

Plating Marlena’s sandwich, and ladling some soup in a bowl for her, John slid her food across the island towards her, “Eat up.”

Marlena stared at the food, unable to remember when she last ate. Hope was on her all the time about skipping meals. She either forgot to eat, or she was too upset to eat. She looked at John, and it was like he knew, because he stared at her for a moment, and said, “Just try.”

Nodding her head, she pulled the plate closer, and picked up the sandwich, taking a bite, while he watched her. 

“Hey, Dad. Avi said he knows a bad guy, like Shredder,” Shawn D said loudly. 

Everyone got very quiet for one awkward moment, and then Avi’s small voice said, “My Papi said we won’t have to see him again.”

And there it was, Marlena’s heart melted a little more.

Chapter 8

I will let you be with me…

Marlena sat with John on the beach watching Avi and Shawn D explore around them. Bo and Hope had walked further down, and were obviously deep in discussion. It would soon be much too cold to sit outside like this, and even now there was a bite to the air, and a nip to the skin that was a prelude of what was to come. Marlena had been very quiet, almost introspective since they arrived two days earlier. He’d called Carrie the first night, telling her that he’d been correct, Marlena was alive, but that it was very complicated, and she was going to need time to heal. He didn’t ask Carrie to keep it quiet, but he knew she would. John was giving Marlena the space she needed, placing himself in her general proximity, simply to reassure her that he was there. 

Marlena felt as if she were in a dream. It had been so long since she had been free, that she didn’t seem to know what to do with it. She woke from nightmares two to three times per night, covering her mouth to keep from crying out and waking her son. The only time she had felt any real peace, was when she broke down on the tarmac, as she buried her face in John’s shirt. The breeze blew harder for a moment, and she caught his scent again, breathing deeply beside him.

John saw her do it. She was inhaling him, and it brought him some calm. If she was able to associate his scent with something positive in her life right now, and if that was the only thing her could provide her, that was acceptable. Her hand was beside his on the blanket, since they were both leaning back on their palms, and he itched to touch her. Sliding his hand nearer to hers, he snaked his pinky finger out, brushing it over hers softly. She didn’t flinch, and she didn’t recoil. John started talking to her, as he hooked his little finger around hers, almost as a way to distract her. “You know the twinners are amazing, Doc. Absolutely amazing,” John said.

Even though her hair was braided down her back, she has small fine hairs framing her face, that blew across her brow. John had to force back all of his natural inclinations with her. His desire to brush her hair of of her forehead was strong, but instead he watched, as she brushed it aside with irritation, saying, “Can you tell me about them?”

“Eric lets Sami take the lead, so if he’s in trouble, it’s usually because of her,” John said with a laugh. “He loves fruit, and baseball. He’s sensitive, like you. He can read people so quickly…he has your eyes. That greenish hazel color with flecks of freckles in them.”

“Do you…do you have pictures?”

“I do,” he said, reaching back for his wallet. “They aren’t current, because—anyway…” John pulled three photos out of his wallet, and handed them to Marlena. “Sami is bubbly, excitable, always ready with a new idea. I don’t think she stops moving.”

Marlena stared at the photos of Eric, Sami, and Carrie, and found herself crying again. They had grown so much, and she had missed it all. “I feel like all I’m doing is crying.”

“That’s why we’re here, Doc. You can cry as much as you want. I brought you here to heal, and I know that’s not going to happen in a week, or even a month. It’s a process, and how you do it…that’s not up to me, baby. That’s up to you.”

“I forgot how amazing you are,” she said softly. “This place…you picked the perfect place. The most perfect place.” She watched the sunlight play over the waves as they gently lapped at the shore. “When did you find out you weren’t Roman?”

John sighed softly, remembering that day with a sick feeling that encompassed his whole body, “Roman’s alive.”

Marlena just stared at him, blankly, “What?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that,” John said. “I—I…he came back a year ago, and…” He was afraid. He wasn’t sure what she could handle right now, and the chaos of the last year was exactly that. Chaos.

“I know what you’re doing,” she said. “Can you just tell me? I don’t want lies, or secrecy. I don’t want you to keep things from me. I want it all.”

“Last year, Shane and Chief Tarrington, who was in charge of the ISA at the time, came to the house. Once I learned why, I was grateful that they came after Carrie had already left to drive the twins to school,” John said.

“It’s so hard to imagine Carrie driving,” Marlena whispered.

“They told me that I wasn’t Roman. I couldn’t be Roman, because they had DNA. That was it. I lost everything. The kids, the house, my job…all of it gone in the span of three hours,” John whispered softly.

Marlena’s heart broke for him, knowing how hard that must have been to lose the children. The other things mattered, but to have the children torn away from him so abruptly. “John…”

“I went to Carrie’s school, almost as soon as they left, and pulled her out of class. I tried to explain what had happened, but she struggled with it. A lot of that distrust she had in me when I first showed up…well, that came back with a vengeance. It didn’t help that Roman was so angry, and spouting nonsense about me being a danger, and working for Stefano. None of which was true. Carrie and I, we’ve spent the last year rebuilding that trust,” John told her. “I vowed to her…that I will always tell her the truth, and I will always try to have open and honest communication with her. We actually meet once per week at this diner across town, but Roman…Roman took it all back. I tried to get partial custody of the twinners, even visitation…We fought for months, but ultimately—”

“—you didn’t get anything? He took everything?” she asked him in horror.

“No. Roman, he, um…he doesn’t trust me, and he’s gone out of his way to make sure that most people don’t.”

“Why? Why would he do that? That had to be so traumatic for the children! Oh, my babies,” she said. She couldn’t even imagine the pain they must have felt at being taken away from the only parent they had.

“I’ve seen the twinners in passing, and well…Carrie’s had me over a few times, when Roman’s on a stake out, or she knows he’s working late, but I try not to do that very often,” John said with a smirk. “Sami is having behavior problems at school, and Eric…Eric is having more emotional issues. Anxiety, and panic attacks mostly.”

“Can’t Roman see that?”

“Roman is stuck on me,” John said. There was no other way to explain it. “He’s so focused on what I represent, and what he thinks I might be, that he can’t see past that.”

“Does he know about me?” she wanted to know. She wondered if John had told Roman about her phone call.

“I was at the house the night you called, even though I wasn’t supposed to be. I answered the phone when I heard your voice on the answering machine. I was in shock at first. Roman was working that night, but I went to his office, and I waited all fucking night. I tried, Doc. I told him that we had to look for you,” John said, feeling his frustration rise as he thought about it. “I knew it was you. I knew it wasn’t a trick, but he doesn’t trust me. He can’t look past that. He won’t even try. He told me as much. Said it was either a trick, a ploy from Stefano that I was actively involved in, or a ploy from Stefano that was a trap, but he wouldn’t help me. He actually kicked me out of his office. So…I went to Bo, and together we went to Shane.”

“I’m glad,” Marlena said. “Without you, Avi and I…we’d still be with him.” Marlena looked around, watching Avi drag a stick down the beach in one long perpetual line, while Shawn D ran along beside him, chattering away. “Avi is so happy here,” she said. Marlena could only imagine how much something like this cost. “John? How can you afford this?”

Sitting forward he crossed his legs, and ran his fingers through his hair, “When Roman came back, I was engaged. To a woman named Isabella. We were married shortly after. After everything that had happened, she was literally all I had.”

“You married someone else?” she asked. It hadn’t even occurred to her that he might have moved on. Maybe she had been so wrapped up in her own horror, that she hadn’t even had time to contemplate the possibility. The thought of him with someone else made her feel sadness so deep. She looked at him helplessly, “You’re married.”

“I was,” he said. “She died. We were married in May, and she died of cancer last at the beginning of last month,” he said. “It was very sudden. We didn’t even know she was sick until she started having back pain.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, feeling guilty for her uncharitable thoughts. After everything she’d gone through with Stefano, she was surprised that she had with such an extreme emotional response. She hadn’t thought she would ever be able to connect with anyone again.

“Victor is her father. She left everything to me. Her money, and the Toscano Foundation,” John smiled at her. “I guess you never imagined me as a businessman.”

Marlena couldn’t imagine John wearing suits and ties, while attending business meetings. “So you dress up, and attend board meetings now, huh?” she asked with a smile.

“It mostly runs itself. I hire people to run it, and make sure that the direction is what Isabella would want. She was very concerned with environmental issues, so I want to stay true to that. When I’m bored, I help Bo with his PI business, because I still enjoy detective work.”

“Did you love her?” Marlena asked him, knowing that what she really wanted to know was, did he love Isabella as much as he had loved her.

“I did. She was one of the kindest people you’d ever know,” John said. “Her death has been hard, but ever since I lost you…I’ve felt disconnected. I loved Isabella as much as I could love anyone, who wasn’t you.”

Marlena had been watching the water, and immediately turned to look at him when he said that. As if she needed to know how he felt about her now. She stared at John. She had avoided eye contact almost constantly since he’d gotten her back, but she stared into his eyes then. Almost as if she was trying to read him. All she said was, “Oh.”

“When Isabella died, I was at my lowest. What did I have left? Carrie could tell. That’s when she had me sneak over to see the twinners. If it wasn’t for Carrie and the twins, I’d have left Salem a long time ago.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” she told him. “I’m glad you stayed.”

“Doc, I’m glad I stayed,” he told her, wanting to touch her so badly.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty,” she said quietly. “I heard you talking to Hope on the plane, and I want you to know that. None of this was your fault. The things Orpheus did, they were all intended to hurt you, because he wanted revenge on Roman…and you aren’t even Roman.”

“There’s part of my mind that knows that, but there’s part of my mind that thinks about all the time that passed, and what you were going through. How you might have been suffering while the rest of us went about our lives completely oblivious. That’s so fucking unfair, baby!” John felt that anger rising up inside him at the futility of where they now found themselves. “It’s so fucking unfair.”

“It’s unfair, but that doesn’t make it your fault. Can you see that?”

“I can, but the guilt…it taints every memory, Doc. I find myself thinking about when Sami lost her first tooth, and then immediately I’m hit with wondering what you were doing that day.”

“Don’t,” she said softly, touching his arm. She surprised herself that she’d reached for him, glancing down at where her small hand covered his forearm. She pulled her hand back gingerly, saying, “I don’t want happy memories to be overshadowed with what if’s. Please?”

“Mama!” Avi said approaching excitedly. “Encontré conchas marinas, ¡y esta parece una vieira!” [Mama! I found seashells, and this one looks like a scallop!]

“¡Estás bien! Es hermoso. ¿Te fijaste en los colores?” she said softly. [You’re right! It’s beautiful. Did you notice the colors?]

“Sí,” he told her, running back down the beach.

“Does he always speak to you in Spanish?”John asked her.

She watched their son, run towards Shawn, and start explaining the difference in the sea shells, before turning to answer John, “Stefano didn’t speak Spanish. For all of his arrogance, he never bothered to learn. Spanish was Avi’s way of keeping secrets from Stefano, although it enraged him. Avi mostly kept silent around him.”

John was quiet for a moment, “Avi’s seen Stefano hurt you.”

Marlena looked up quickly, “How do you know—”

“—he mentioned it yesterday,” he told her softly.

“I tried so hard to keep it from him, but Stefano didn’t care what Avi saw.”

“What did he see?”

“He saw Stefano hit me a few times, pull my hair…a lot of disrespect,” Marlena told him. “But nothing more. I would concede before it went too far. I could suffer whatever Stefano wanted, to save Avi from it.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” John said. “Not if it’s something you aren’t ready for.”

“I can separate myself from what he did to me. It’s almost like disassociation. I can see what he did to me, as if I’m standing outside of myself, and viewing it. I try to pretend it didn’t happen to me,” she whispered. “But it did. He raped me. More times than I can count.”

“Doc,” John said, reaching for her.

“Don’t,” she said firmly, flinching from his touch. “Don’t pity me, please, because it will destroy me.”

“Doc, I don’t pity you. You are the strongest woman I know, but I promise you this…I promise on my life…if he survives, it will be to die at my hands,” John said.

Marlena looked up at him, tears shining in her eyes, and said, “Good.”

Chapter 9

Whenever I’m alone and you’re lost out there…

Roman stood at the bottom of the stairs. He was irritated. His parents kept pressuring him to spend more time with the twins, and give Carrie a break, so he had. He was getting the kids ready for school, and Carrie was already gone to meet some classmates for a group project. “Sami! Eric! You need to get moving, or you’re going to be late for school!” he yelled.

Sami came running down the stairs, “Eric’s brushing his teeth.”

“Why did he wait until the last possible minute to do that?” Roman roared.

“He was talking about school, and he got nervous, and threw up. So, he had to brush his teeth. It wasn’t his fault.”

“That boy throws up every time he gets upset,” Roman said, handing Sami her coat.

“That’s not his fault,” Sami said defiantly. “He gets upset. He can’t make it stop.”

“He could if he acted like a man,” Roman grumbled.

Sami felt herself getting angry, “He’s not a man! He’s a boy, and boys can cry! My Daddy said—”

“—John Black is not your father! I am!” Roman yelled. 

Sami started crying, wiping her nose on her sleeve. She looked up to see Eric coming down the stairs slowly, watching their father warily. Eric went up to his sister, touching her arms softly, “Why are you crying, Sami?”

“She needs to knock it off, before I give her something to cry about!” Roman threatened. “Eric get your coat.”

Eric hated Roman. He had hated him since he came home, and forced their Daddy out of their lives. He took Sami’s hand, pulling her towards the door, so he could get his coat. He didn’t want her near Roman, because Roman wasn’t just threatening. If Sami didn’t calm down, he would spank her. “Sami, come on. Let’s go to school,” Eric whispered.

“I hate him,” she whispered back. “He’s not my Daddy. He’s no one.”

Roman headed past the twins, watching them whisper like mini conspirators out to get him. They were brats. John had raised them, allowing them to do and say whatever they wanted, and even a year later, he wasn’t able to get them to behave. “Come on. Get in the car,” he said, opening the front door, and watching them scurry out. They may be his children, but Roman felt no connection to them at all.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Carrie called John from a pay phone. Hearing his voice when he answered made her smile, even though she was standing alone on the street, “Hi, Daddy.”

“Hey, Punkin’,” he greeted her. John looked up when he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Avi stood there staring at him, his hair tousled and standing on end. “I have some news. I should have told you sooner, but things have been…difficult.”

“Did Stefano hurt her?”

“He did, and she’s working through that, but there’s something else. When we found her and Hope…she had my son with her.”

“Marlena had your baby?” Carrie asked.

“She did,” John said softly, waving Avi over to him. “He’s five, and she named him Abraham, although we all call him Avi. He’s right here with me, if you want to say hello.”

“Can I?” she asked softly.

“Sure, hold on,” John told her. He looked at Avi, and said, “Your sister Carrie would like to say hello. Would you like to talk to her?”

“I never talked on a phone before,” Avi told John.

“It’s easy, little man, just hold it up to your ear and say hello.”

Avi took the phone, holding the receiver up to his ear, “Hello.”

“Hi, Avi. It’s Carrie. How are you?”

He smiled up at his father, exclaiming, “Papi! I can hear her!”

“Of course you can, but talk to her, not to me,” John told him with a laugh.

“My Papi rescued me and my Mama from Shredder,” Avi said excitedly.

Carrie smiled. Stefano was worse than Shredder, but if Avi liked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, she had all of her information straight from Eric. This was a conversation she could have. “I heard that the Ninja Turtles and Master Splinter were hunting him down.”

“You heard that?” Avi asked her. 

“I did. Then Shredder won’t be able to hurt anyone anymore,” she said.

“I think I like you,” Avi said. Then to John he said, “Carrie said that the Ninja Turtles and Master Splinter are looking for Shredder so he can’t hurt people anymore.”

John looked at his son, barely recognizable from the shy quiet boy he’d been nearly a month ago, “Say goodbye to Carrie, and go check if your mother’s awake for me, okay?”

Avi nodded, “Bye Carrie, I have to go wake up my Mama.”

John watched Avi run down the hallway, and he said to Carrie, “So are you surprised?”

“I’m surprised, but not shocked,” she said laughing. “Because Dad, you and Marlena weren’t exactly shy about how much you loved each other. A baby was inevitable.”

“I still love her, although I haven’t told her,” John said.

“Why?”

“It’s not the right time, Punkin’. She’s dealing with too much right now, and me throwing my emotions at her, just complicates things more.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe what she needs right now, is to know how much you love her,” Carries said.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena had been in therapy daily for nearly two weeks. Her therapist had suggested that maybe she start touch therapy, which, if Marlena were honest with herself, caused her extreme anxiety. The only people who could touch her were Hope and Avi, although sometimes she allowed John loop his pinky finger with hers, and even that was brief. Bo and Hope had gone to bed more than an hour ago. Avi and Shawn D had decided to have a sleepover, since Avi was unfamiliar with the concept. They had finally fallen asleep almost a half an hour ago. 

Marlena sat on the rug in front of the fireplace, watching the light of the flames dance over the brick. She could hear John behind her making coffee, even though she knew she probably shouldn’t be drinking it this late. He had been so attentive, and so caring towards her. They had been in Washington almost a month, and he hadn’t pushed her. He hadn’t had any expectations, other than allowing her to heal in whatever manner she needed to. 

She thought about Avi. He had been sneaking John’s shirts into bed with them every night. The first night he’d done it, had been at the end of their first week. The small boy left to use the restroom, and returned with his fathers shirt wrapped in his little hands. Handing it to her he’d whispered, “It smells like Papi. You like that.”

Marlena had smiled at him, with tears reflected in her eyes, and said, “I do like that. Thank you.”

Every morning the boy returned the shirts to wherever he had gotten them from. She had been sleeping peacefully ever since. She wasn’t certain whether John knew or not, and tonight Avi was in Shawn D’s room, so maybe that meant no shirt. 

John started talking as he approached, so he wouldn’t startle her, “Here’s your coffee, Doc. Just the way you like it.”

She looked up at him, reaching for the coffee, and said softly, “Thank you.”

John held back his shiver when her fingers brushed his briefly, and he settled on the floor next to her, careful not to be too close. “Today, when you got home, you mentioned that you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“I did…I do,” she said quietly. “Dr. Vellanki wants me to start doing some TTT…its Trauma Touch Therapy, because…the only people who can touch me right now are Hope and Avi. She thinks it will help me heal, if I can get used to touch from other people.”

“How does it work?” 

“There’s not a lot of talking. At first it would just be me…touching someone, but they can’t touch me back. I would have to be secure knowing that I was free to explore, but not be scared that they might touch me. Does that make sense?”

“It does,” he said softly, sitting his coffee on the floor beside him. “How does it work though? Does your therapist select someone?”

Marlena was staring at her hands, pulling at the skin of her cuticles, “No. I do.”

“Okay,” John said softly watching her, and waiting for her to continue.

“I was wondering if you would be willing to go with me. To do this with me?” she finally asked him, looking up at him.

“Let you touch me?”

She looked down again, and began picking at her fingernails, “Yes. I don’t trust anyone else enough right now. It would have to be you.” Looking up at him, she says, “Would you do that for me?”

“Doc, I will do anything you ask of me, but what if…” he stops talking for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Finally he says, “If you’re touching me…what if my body…”

Her eyes got wider, “Oh…um…I guess that could happen. Do you think that might happen?” It hadn’t even occurred to her that her touching him might lead to him being aroused. As she considered it, she realized that it was surprising, but it didn’t scare her.

“I don’t want to scare you, baby. That’s all. I want to be open about this.”

“Maybe, you can…just hold a pillow on your lap?” she suggested. John started laughing so hard, he snorted loudly, and then covered his mouth. Marlena looked up abruptly, and smiled at him, “What?”

“A pillow, Doc?”

“Well…yes, in case you…need it…”

He laughed even harder, and it took several moments before he was able to stop. Marlena just sat there, smiling, realizing that she was genuinely happy. Even though the conversation was awkward, John had managed to ask what he needed to ask, and she had reacted without fear. John picked up his coffee, looking over at her with a grin, and asked her, “So when do we start?”

“Tomorrow,” she said, getting up off the floor, and walking towards the kitchen. Over her shoulder she added, “Do you have a tank top and some gym shorts?”

John followed behind her, “I do.”

“Okay. You’ll need to wear it under your regular shirt,” she said. After rinsing her mug and placing it in the dishwasher, she said, “I’m going to go to bed now. Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Doc.” He watched her walk down the hallway towards her room, and he wondered if Avi had remembered to steal another one of his shirts from the laundry. John had noticed a week ago, that Avi was taking his shirts at the end of the day, and going to bed with them. One night, he’d opened the door to Avi and Marlena’s room, and saw that Avi wasn’t the one sleeping with his shirts. Marlena was. He’d closed the door with a smile, and never mentioned it. 

After going into his bedroom, and changing into flannel pajama bottoms and a clean t-shirt, John stepped over to Marlena’s room, knocking softly. She answered it, staring up at him. “Hey, Doc…I thought you might want this,” he said softly, handing her the shirt he’d just taken off.

She stared at the shirt in his hand, and said, “You knew?”

“I figured Avi might have forgotten to get you one today,” he whispered.

Marlena could feel herself getting emotional, and hot tears rising in her eyes, “Thank you.” She could feel the heat of his body still trapped inside the fibers of the shirt as she took it from his hand, and she forced herself to hold back from shoving it against her nose immediately.

“Anything for you, Doc. Anything.”

Chapter 10

…I can feel you breathe ’cause our lungs we share…

John followed Marlena into her therapists office, looking around at the simple decor. The walls were a soft grey matte, with colorful floral paintings lining the wall. Dr. Vellanki was small, with long dark hair, and inquisitive dark eyes. She had a way of making you feel uncomfortable, as she studied you. Stepping forward she extended her hand, “It’s nice to meet you, John. Marlena has told me a lot about your extraordinary lives over the last two weeks.”

“There’s a lot to unpack there, for sure,” John said softly.

“You can go ahead, and have a seat beside Marlena if you would like,” the doctor told him.

He looked over, and saw that the sofa was small, and it would force him to be closer to her than she was used to. Catching her eye, John said, “Doc?”

She simply nodded stiffly, and he sat beside her. She could feel the heat of his body rolling off of him, but she could also breathe him in, and that calmed her. 

“Did Marlena mention what your purpose here was for today?” Dr. Vellanki asked John.

“She said she needed to practice touch therapy, and she asked me if I’d be willing. Here I am.”

“Are you comfortable with that?”

“I’m willing to do anything she needs right now,” John said looking at Marlena tenderly.

“Why is that?” Dr. Vellanki asked him. John looked at her abruptly, and she continued, saying, “Why are you willing to do anything for her? I think it might help her to hear your reasoning.”

John looked at Marlena again. Her eyes were wide, the hazel color always seemed to pull him in, “Because I love her.” The smile that came over her face, was what he lived for every day, so he said again, “Because I love you.”

Dr. Vellanki turned to Marlena, and asked her, “Marlena? How does it feel to hear him say that he loves you?”

“It makes me happy…and it scares me to death,” she whispered.

“Why does it scare you?” Dr. Vellanki asked her carefully.

Marlena looked at John, then at the therapist, and finally down at her fingers, where she began to pick at her cuticles, “Because when you love someone…there are expectations that eventually…that you’ll eventually…and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that again.”

“You’re still very early in this process, but I want you to know that the way you’re feeling is normal, and it may sound impossible…but someday you’ll be able to have a connection like that again,” Dr. Vellanki said. Standing up she went to her closet, and pulled out two foam cushions. One was long and round, while the other was wedge shaped. Turning to John she handed him the circular one, and said, “You’ll need this to support your neck, and you’ll need the other to place under your knees. If you could lie here in the middle of the floor. You’re wearing a tank top and shorts?”

“I am,” John said, reaching to pull off his long sleeved t-shirt. After kicking off his shoes, he reached to slip off his jeans. Marlena stared at him, as he methodically folded the shirt and pants, placing them on the loveseat next to her. Sitting on the floor, he took off his socks, placing them on his pile of clothes, and then…he winked at her, as he settled himself on the floor, and Marlena smiled.

“Marlena, we talked about this yesterday, but I want to go over it again, so that John can hear as well. You are free to touch John, and he will remain still. He won’t touch you back, or reach for you. Do you understand, John?”

“I do. I won’t move,” he said.

“What if he…what if his…” Marlena blushed a deep crimson, unable to get the words out.

“It could happen, but it doesn’t mean anything. Men can’t hide their physical reactions as well as women, but he won’t touch you,” Dr. Vellanki said.

“Okay,” Marlena said softly, looking at John as if she was unsure of where to start. She had touched his body hundreds of time when they were married, even before they were married. Casual touches, and not so casual touches. Kneeling beside him, she ran the tip of her finger over the top of his hand, and focused on the feel of his course hair. Reaching for his hand she lifted it, studying his fingernails, and spreading his fingers wide, threading hers through his and squeezing, while his hand remained limp. She laid his arm on the floor, and slid the palm of her hand up his forearm, until she reached his elbow, and she squeezed him again.

She felt like she was trying to ground herself. She couldn’t allow herself to disassociate, or separate from the reality of this moment. So, she focused on the feel of him. His muscles, his hair, his warmth…all of it. “Are you okay?” she whispered to him.

“I’m fine, Doc,” he said softly, watching her hand smooth up his arm, and over his shoulder. He shivered slightly, and his skin covered with goosebumps.

“Does it tickle?”

“A little,” he said. Her touch was soft, and gentle, but it didn’t tickle. He craved it. Forcing himself not to react, he started thinking about the fight that Sami and Eric had one time over pancakes and waffles. Anything to distract himself from the feel of her hands benignly touching his skin. 

Marlena watched his throat convulse as he swallowed, and she moved her hand over it, smoothing down, and over his chest. John took a deep, shaky, breath, and she felt powerful. She felt something inside her that was strong. She had the ability to disarm him with her touch, and she thrilled at it. Moving closer to his head, she allowed her fingers to lace into his hair, watching as the soft strands, fell through. His breathing had picked up slightly, but still he didn’t touch her, or reach for her. Pushing his hair off of his forehead, she took the tip of one finger, tracing the length of his nose, and said, “I’ve always liked your nose.”

“My nose, Doc?”

“Yes,” she whispered, and then she was quiet again, concentrating as she moved down to his legs. 

John felt her hand settle on his knee, and push up to his thigh, squeezing his muscle. It caused him to shiver for a second time, as his mind screamed pancakes and waffles over and over again. He tried to focus on her face. The way her mouth tightened in concentration or her eyes softened when she reached his feet, like she remembered something. John knew what she was going to do before she did it, “Doc?”

“Yes?”

“I’m not supposed to move,” he said in a warning tone.

“I know,” she said softly.

Dr. Vellanki was watching them both intently. It was obvious that John cared for Marlena a lot, and based on everything Marlena had said in her therapy session, he had gone to great lengths to get her away from the man who had hurt her. John had been very still, allowing Marlena to touch him, without flinching or moving, which could scare her. It was when Marlena ran her index finger down the center of the bottom of John’s foot with a smirk, when Dr. Vellanki knew definitively, that Marlena would heal from her trauma eventually.

“Doc,” John growled, his foot twitching.

“Yes?” she asked him, repeating the movement on the other foot.

“Stop it,” he said, with a small laugh, trying to keep himself from moving.

“What?”

“Pancakes and waffles,” he moaned to distract himself. She was intentionally trying to get him to move now.

Dr. Vellanki smiled. It was nice to see this playful side of Marlena, since she was processing so much trauma. This was a good sign. 

Marlena’s hand cupped the top of John’s foot, and slid up his leg to his knee. She allowed herself to soak in his warmth, and focus on the course hair of his leg as it rubbed along her palm. Moving back to his abdomen, she took a deep breath before placing both hands on his stomach. Resting them there, she focused her breathing, and reassured herself that he wouldn’t touch her without her permission. John would never, could never hurt her. She looked over to find John staring at her intently, his deep indigo eyes, watching her. She slid her hands higher, resting them on his chest, and she said softly, “You won’t hurt me.”

“I would never hurt you,” he whispered back.

“Can I touch your stomach?” she asked.

John swallowed thickly, thinking pancakes and waffles, nodding his head yes. He closed his eyes when he felt her fingers lift his shirt, and her palm splay open across his skin. Marlena looked up at him when she felt his muscles tremble under hand. She had power, and she liked it. She smiled to herself.

“Marlena?” Dr. Vellanki said softly, getting her attention. “We’re almost out of time, and I would like to process with you if that okay.”

“Okay,” she said, pulling her hands back, and fixing the hem of John’s shirt. She saw that John still had his eyes closed, and was mumbling something about pancakes and waffles.

“How do you feel about this exercise? Did you have any emotions that were negative?”

Marlena thought about it, and was happy to discover that she hadn’t had one disruptive thought during the whole exercise. “I felt…powerful,” she whispered, watching John open his eyes to look at her.

“Powerful? Can you explain that?”

“I could touch him, but he couldn’t touch me…but it was more than that, because he wanted to touch me,” she said. “I’m not sure that makes sense.”

“No. It makes sense. You derived a sense of power from knowing that you affect him physically, and he had to hold himself back…is that right?”

“Yes. I—my touch is something he wants,” Marlena said to the doctor, even though she was still watching John. “I could tell by the way he swallowed, or the shivers in his body…but I was in control.”

“So you liked being in control. That’s natural, Marlena. You spent nearly six years with no control over anything in your life, it’s only natural that getting that back would make you feel powerful,” her therapist said. Facing John, Dr. Vellanki asked, “Are you okay, John?”

“Yes,” he said quietly, sitting up enough to balance on his elbows. “I want her to know that I’m safe, and I would never hurt her.”

“I think she knows that.”

“I do,” Marlena whispered. “I know I do. Pushing out the memories is hard, but today, when I was touching you and remembering the way your muscles feel or the feel of your skin under my hand…none of those memories were able to push their way in.”

“Marlena, you have homework,” Dr. Vellanki said standing up, and offering Marlena her hand to pull her up from the floor. “I want you and John to do this exercise again, okay. I want it to become second nature for you to reach for him, and that will only come with practice.”

“Do it again?” she asked quietly, and then she smiled when she heard John whisper, “Pancakes and waffles.”

Chapter 11

When I’m alone anytime, anywhere…

Bo and Hope were going to go back to Salem at the end of the week, and Marlena was petrified. Hope had told her that evening at dinner, reassuring Marlena that she was a phone call away. The idea of being alone with John and Avi was scary, but she also understood that Bo and Hope had their own lives. They needed to go home. She had briefly considered it, but she knew she wasn’t strong enough yet.

She and John had been practicing TTT every night for the past two weeks, and she’d only been free of Stefano for six weeks. She knew that she would be going back to a lot of anger, and animosity. From everything she had learned from John, as well as Bo, Roman’s time with Stefano had changed him as well. He was angry, bitter, and he hated John. He had gone out of his way to destroy people’s image of who John was, and plant distrust in the minds of people who had known John for years. She couldn’t understand it. While she could understand him being wary of John, Marlena struggled to understand the deep rooted hate. 

Roman’s hatred of John was going to make things very difficult. She couldn’t stay married to him, she wasn’t in love with him. She was in love with John, even though that was also problematic. She was getting better, but she was a long way from being able to engage in the sexual activities she and John used to engage in. Sometimes she would wake from dreams of them together so aroused she could barely breath, and be immediately overcome with guilt for wanting him so badly. The last two weeks had her craving more, and yet pushing harder against the possibility. Now Dr. Vellanki wanted her to let John touch her.

Avi was asleep, and Marlena went to find him. He was sitting in front of the fireplace, wearing his standard tank top and gym shorts, waiting for her. She stopped in the doorway to the room, watching him, and was struck by how much she loved him, and how beautiful he was. He looked over at her with a smile, “Hey, Doc. You ready?”

Marlena smiled at him. He had been so good about this, and so diligent. His support over the last six weeks had her more in love with him than she ever had been. His relationship with Avi was amazing to watch, and he was able to bring out their sons true personality. 

She stepped into the room wearing a light pink cotton camisole and a pair of John’s gym shorts. Smiling shyly, she said softly, “Dr. Vellanki changed my homework assignment.”

He stood up, his eyes scanning her body slowly, and he said, “She did, did she?”

“Um, I need to let you touch me,” she said. “But I’m scared. I—I’m not sure if I can do it.”

John spoke before he even considered his next words, “Do you want a safe word?”

“What?” she asked him, surprised. “What do you mean?”

John had surprised himself with that suggestion, and wasn’t sure how to follow it up, “Um, well…shit.” He sat back down abruptly.

Marlena stepped closer, “John?” She knew what safe words were. She’d been a therapist long enough to not be surprised by much, but this was surprising coming from John, and although she’d never admit it out loud…interesting. “John, can you look at me, please?”

He looked up at her, and it’s as if a tragedy has played out, and she wasn’t even aware of it. “I’m sorry, Doc. I didn’t mean it like that, obviously. It just came out. What I meant was—”

“—where did you learn about safe words?” she asked him, genuinely curious.

“The truth? I have no idea. Sometimes, I just know stuff. One of the perks of amnesia, I guess,” he said shrugging his shoulders, and praying for the awkwardness to pass. “I didn’t mean—”

“—it’s a good idea,” she said softly. “I could trust you to stop if I was getting overwhelmed, or maybe…maybe we could slow down, and discuss my feelings, if I needed that. It’s not a bad idea, I was just surprised.”

“The stop light system would probably work best, especially of your overwhelmed. Less thinking, you know?”

“Yes. Do you remember anything else?”

“Anything else?”

“About your past…or about submissives and dominants?”

“I do, but nothing very detailed. Doc, are you sure you want to talk about this?”

“Maybe? I heard that the submissive has all the power once. I had a patient who talked about it a lot,” she said sitting across from him.

John ran his fingers through his hair, and started talking, “Sometimes information pops into my head. I don’t actively remember anything, but I could be investigating a case, and know a lot of information about a specific security system. Or maybe I’ll hear someone mention a medical procedure, and I’ll know what surgical tools were used. Once, I was working on a case involving a stripper at a club in town, and the subject of BDSM came up. I just knew stuff, Doc. I don’t know how. I read up on it—”

“—you did?”

He sighed again, “I just wanted to see if what I was remembering was accurate. That’s all. I swear.”

“Oh,” she said softly, staring out the large windows at the rear of the house.

“Doc, I have nearly thirty years of my life that are unaccounted for. When I thought I was Roman Brady, I had that time filled in, and I could tell myself that I knew things because I’d been an ISA agent. I can’t do that now. All I can say is, I guess, I used to be a little kinky,” he said with another shrug of his shoulders, staring into the fire in the fireplace.

“I can see that,” she said. She thought back to their time together when they were married, and he had always been the dominant one in the bedroom. It hadn’t started out that way, but it had evolved over time, and she’d loved it. John’s past had always fascinated her, and for the first time in years she felt herself slipping into the role of a psychiatrist. “Have you ever done anything?”

John looked at her in surprise, “Doc! No! No, I haven’t…I know stuff, but I’ve not…not that I can remember.”

“Hmmm,” she said. “So stop light colors then. If I’m okay, I’m green. If I need you to slow down, so we can talk, I’m yellow…and if it’s too much, and I’m overwhelmed, I’m red…”

John looked at her, wondering what was going on in her head. He had imagined that this would be the point when she walked away, but she was still sitting there. So he replied, “Yeah, Doc.”

“Okay,” she said standing up, and retrieving two cushions from the sofa. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, she said, “Okay.”

“Doc, why are you taking this so well?”

Marlena looked up at him from her position on the floor, and she said, “I’m not sure. I think…I think maybe it makes me feel better?”

“How can my knowledge of the submissive/dominant dynamic make you feel better?”

“Because, if you know about it, then I feel like you’ll respect it. My patient tried to explain it to me once,” Marlena said softly. “She said that the word submissive sounds like you have no control, but really the submissive has all the power because the dominant can only do what the submissive allows.”

“That’s true, if the dominant honors that…it’s true,” John told her.

“I believe that you will honor that,” she said, looking into his eyes.

“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “Okay,” he said again nervously, as he came to kneel beside her.

Marlena touched his arm softly, as she had been doing more and more over the last two weeks, and she said, “I trust you.”

“I’m going to start with your hand,” he said, reaching for her hand gently, and lifting it up. Very slowly he ran his fingers over the top of her hand, and along her fingers. He turned it over in his, rubbing his thumb over her palm and up towards her wrist, softly caressing the skin there. “How are you, Doc.”

“Green,” she said softly. Her eyes were closed, and she was concentrating solely on the feel of his hands on her skin, while she took controlled breaths, taking in the spicy musk scent of his cologne.

“I’m going to move higher on your arm now.”

“Okay,” she whispered, feeling his fingers move along the sensitive skin from her elbow to her shoulder. He gently squeezed her, and she caught herself right before she moaned. She was enjoying this, and that was surprising. John’s open palm moved over her shoulder gently towards her neck, and Marlena said, “Yellow…yellow…can we…can we not touch my neck yet?”

“Sure, baby,” pulling his hand back and sliding it back down her arm. “Should I be wary of anywhere else?”

“My hair…please don’t touch my hair yet,” she whispered.

“I won’t,” he told her. He moved towards her midriff, gently placing his palm on her stomach, and stroked down over her hip, and over the top of her thigh. “Color?”

“Green,” she said softly, feeling his hand squeeze her flesh gently, before he moved towards her knees. His fingers stroked underneath her knees, and she jerked slightly, and gasped, “John!”

“Still ticklish, I see,” he said with a small laugh. “Just checking.” He could feel her body shiver when his open palms ran down the length of her legs. His hands wrapped around her ankles, his thumbs stroking over the skin there. She was gorgeous, and having his hands on her, gave him all kinds of wicked thoughts, but he pushed them back, and focused on her needs. Marlena had spent her entire life focusing on everyone else, and he wasn’t going to mess this up. Taking one of her feet in his hands, he pushed his thumb across the bottom, pushing deeply, and Marlena sighed. John smiled, and said, “I used to rub your feet after work. Do you remember?”

“Yes,” she said breathlessly.

“Color?”

“Green,” she sighed. It had been so long. So long since someone had put their hands on her, and she didn’t cringe or flinch. She felt a tear escape her eye, and slide down over her cheek, and John’s hands immediately released her. Her eyes flew open, and she said, “No. No…don’t stop, please…”

“Doc, honey, you’re crying,” he said softly, using the tip of his finger to gently lift the tear from her face.

“It’s…it’s—I’m crying because I’m happy…I’m relieved…” He continues to watch her, but he slowly picks up her other foot, “Color?”

“Green,” she says softly, and then she sighs again, as he starts massaging her other foot. “Definitely green.”

Chapter 12

…I can feel your heart beat, ’cause our blood we share…

Bo stood outside of his parents fish market, staring into his wife’s eyes. Shawn D stood beside her, holding her hand. “They’re going to be shocked. I’m walking in with my wife who’s supposedly been dead for the last two years…maybe we should do this a different way,” Bo said.

“We can’t Bo. It’s best to get it over with,” Hope told him.

“Roman is…unpredictable. I’m not sure I want Shawn D to be around when we tell him.”

“He can watch television in the living room when we talk to your parents. We have to do this,” she said, touching his face gently.

Bo takes a deep breath, “Okay. Okay…yeah. Let’s go.”

It was just before closing, and Caroline was sweeping the floor, while Shawn finished wiping down the surfaces behind the counter. Caroline looked up when the door to the shop opened, and nearly passed out when she saw Hope.

“Saints preserve us!” Shawn said, crossing himself quickly.

“Hey Ma. Hey Pop,” Bo said with a huge grin.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bo heard his brother before he saw him. “Bo! Bo! Get your ass out here!” Roman yelled.

Climbing the stairs out of the cabin of the Fancy Face, Bo said, “Could you keep it down? Shawn D’s asleep.”

“Where’s my wife?” Roman yelled.

“I don’t see how that’s your concern, big brother. You certainly didn’t care almost two moths ago when John tried to tell you—”

“—where is she?” Roman roared, cutting him off.

“I am currently not at liberty to give you that information,” Bo said sarcastically. “She’s dealing with a lot, Roman. A lot. Stefano had her for nearly six years, and if anyone would know about what that sadistic bastard can do to someone…it should be you,” Bo said softly. “She’s in therapy, and she’s safe. That’s what matters.”

“What matters is, my wife is with fucking John Black, and he can’t be trusted! How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“John has never done anything to show me that I couldn’t trust him. If it weren’t for John, my wife would still be with Stefano. Marlena would still be with Stefano,” Bo said. “And…you should probably know…there’s a child.”

Roman stood there, silent in his rage. Right before he thought he killed Stefano, the man had done everything he could to verbally torture Roman. He told him that his family had replaced him with a monster of his making. Stefano told him that his own wife had accepted the man into her bed, and that she’d borne his child. He even told Roman that although Marlena was dead, he’d kept the boy. When Roman left Stefano that day, after shooting him, he was convinced he’d killed the man…and he’d forgotten the child completely. A child who was the product of John Black and his wife was not his concern. He’d walked away that day, and never thought about it again, until now. 

Bo watches his brother carefully, and said quietly, “You knew. You knew there was a child…”

“Marlena was dead!” Roman yelled. “What would I do with her child from another man?”

“You left a four year old boy with Stefano,” Bo said.

“I thought I’d killed Stefano!”

“That’s worse, Roman! Who did you think would raise the boy?”

“I didn’t fucking care! My wife took another man into our bed, because she thought he was me! Do you know how fucked up that is?” Roman said. “I didn’t want anything to do with that kid. I wanted to get home to my family!”

“But…John. That’s his son!” Bo exclaimed still looking at his brother as if he didn’t recognize the angry and bitter man in front of him. “Roman! You knew he had a son, and you never said a word!”

“I don’t owe John a fucking thing, Bo!”

“Then forget John. Forget how this affects him…it’s a child! How can you—how can you take your hatred for John out on an innocent child?”

Roman refused to take responsibility for what he’d done, instead focusing on how he’d been wronged. “How can my whole family—my whole family—how can they accept that he was me?” Roman yelled in rage.

“He has your memories, Roman. We’ve explained this,” Bo said. “When he came to Salem he had amnesia. He was bandaged from surgery. We’ve explained this a hundred times.”

“I was rotting in a make-shift prison, being tortured by men who worked for Stefano. Mercenaries, he called them. You know…John was once one of those mercenaries, and Stefano sent him here to infiltrate my family. You took him in! You accepted him as me! Do you know how angry that makes me?”

“Roman, you have a right to be angry, and hurt…but John’s only role in all of this, is that he’s a victim. He doesn’t remember any of that!”

“He’s not a fucking victim! I’m the victim!”

“Roman, right now…you look like the villain. You knew he had a child with Marlena, and you kept that to yourself. If we’d known, maybe we could have gotten her out of there sooner. We’d have gotten Hope out sooner, but you, for your own selfish reasons, condemned them to another year of torture with a madman,” Bo whispered. “She’ll never forgive you for that.”

Roman stared at his brother for a moment, and said, “She’s my wife.”

“If she wasn’t planning to divorce you, she will after this. You have no idea what she’s been through. None. But you? You added another year to her torture, because you’re selfish,” Bo said.

Roman stared at his brother in shock, “You’re going to tell them?”

“I refuse to keep this to myself. You know, when I was young…I admired you. I wanted to be just like you. Not anymore. That child, Avi, is the sweetest, most sensitive child I’ve ever met. He’s just like his mother…and he looks like his father,” Bo told him. “If it weren’t for John…Hope, Marlena, and Avi would still be there. So you can continue to yell, and rant, and spread as many lies about him as you want…but in my book, John is the best man I know.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John answered the phone, surprised to hear Bo’s voice. “Hey. I didn’t think you’d be calling so soon. Didn’t you just get home?” John asked him.

“We did. Tonight actually. I just had a run in with Roman,” Bo said.

John felt tension boiling in his gut, “What does he know?”

“Shit, John…he knows about Hope and Marlena being safe, but that’s not why I’m calling,” Bo said. “He—he knew about Avi.”

“What?” John said quietly. 

“He knew. Before he shot Stefano…Stefano told him stuff. Arrogant son of bitch told him Marlena was dead, but rubbed it in his face that she’d loved you, and had your baby,” Bo told him. “He knew about Avi, and he didn’t tell a soul.”

“We could have—a whole fucking year, Bo!” John said, anger rising in him at a speed he’d never experienced before. “A whole G-d damned year!”

“He demanded to know where Marlena was, but I didn’t tell him. I won’t tell him,” Bo said. “If it weren’t for you…I wouldn’t have Hope. I’m not saying a damn thing.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Avi was scared. His Papi was yelling at someone on the phone. He tiptoed into his mother’s bathroom, where she was showering, “Mama?”

“Oh, Avi! What are you doing in here?”

“Papi esta enojado,” the little boy told her. [Daddy is angry]

Marlena was instantly concerned. John wouldn’t get angry in front of Avi, and Avi hadn’t spoken Spanish in a few weeks. If he was reverting to that, something was wrong. “Hold on, honey. Let Mama get out of here, okay? Can you wait on my bed?” Avi nods, and leaves the room.

When Marlena comes out of the bathroom, she’s wearing a robe, and her hair is still dripping with water. Kneeling beside the bed, she asked him, “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Estaba hablando por teléfono y le está gritando a alguien,” Avi said, so softly Marlena could barely hear him. [He was on the phone, and he was yelling at someone.]

“Do you want to wait here while I check on him?” she asked him.

“Estoy asustado,” he whispered. [I’m scared]

“Stay here, and wait for me. Your Papi would never, never hurt you, or me. I promise.”

Marlena walked out into the living area, and found it empty, with the doors leading outside wide open. She could see John out on the deck overlooking the ocean, and she could tell, by the way he held his body, by the clench of his hands on the railing, that he was struggling with something. Stepping outside, she felt the cold boards underneath her feet. “John? she said softly.

“Doc, can you go back inside. Please?”

“Why?”

“I’m—I’m really angry right now, and I just need to calm down. I don’t want to scare Avi…I don’t want to scare you,” he said.

“You don’t scare me, John…my memories scare me, but you don’t,” she said.

“Please, Doc? Just go inside.”

She ignored him, and stepped closer, shivering with cold. Reaching out slowly, she touched his arm, “John…talk to me.”

Instead he looks at her with tortured eyes. He’s been crying, and it breaks her heart. She reaches for his face, wiping the tears from his cheek, and has the desire to hold him. Dr. Vellanki told her that she should not hold back her natural inclinations, so she steps closer.

When she wraps her arms around his waist, a sob breaks free from John’s chest. His arms hang limply by his sides, as he refuses to allow himself to grab her, afraid of the need coursing through his body. Marlena looks up at him, and whispers, “It’s okay…you can hold me.”

John’s arms encircle her small frame, as if she is the tether holding him to his own sanity. Following Bo’s call, the guilt that John thought he’d dealt with, all came flooding back. Roman had known about Avi. He’d known, and he’d kept it to himself. If he’d told someone, if John had known, he would have gone after his son. He would have found Marlena and Hope sooner, and Marlena wouldn’t have spent an additional year being raped, and emotionally tortured by Stefano DiMera. His rage was all consuming, and John feared, if Roman had been there in that moment, he might have killed him.

John tried not to hold her too tightly. He tried, and he failed. His fists grabbed at the fabric of her robe, and he sobbed into her. All of his anger, all of his guilt, and all of his love for her. She absorbed it all, and she simply held him. Her heart was breaking for him, and she didn’t even know why. Once he’d finally stopped crying, she tipped her face up to his, and caught him staring down at her. She loved him so much. Letting go of his waist, she reached up, touching his lips softly, feeling his gasp against her fingers.

“Doc,” he groaned.

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

“I can’t…”

“Why?”

“I—I don’t want to scare you. I don’t want to—I can’t be gentle right now,” he whispered. 

“Then don’t. Just kiss me…but don’t touch my hair, or my…neck…but, kiss me…please, John?”

His hands gripped her waist, and he determined that they would stay there. His mouth? His mouth devoured her. His teeth bit at her soft lips, and his tongue lapped over hers in desperation. Pulling back, and breathing heavily, he rasped out, “Color?”

“Green,” she sighed, pulling his mouth back to hers, and kissing him again. She nearly whined into his mouth, as sensations she hadn’t felt in years washed over her. The taste of his mouth was as familiar as his cologne, and she wanted more. She felt her core start to ache, and she pulled his arms tighter around her body. She could feel his arousal pressed against her, and she wasn’t afraid. She smiled, and John pulled back, looking at her.

“Something funny?” he asked her.

“No. I’m just happy,” she said. “Are you ready to talk?”

“Yes,” he said. Looking at her feet he said, “We can do that inside I think.”

“I need to run and tell Avi everything’s okay. I’ll come right back.”

“Did I scare him?”

“A little, but he has to learn that anger doesn’t always mean violence,” she said, kissing him again softly, before running in the house.

John stared out at the Pacific Ocean, watching the moonlight play over the waves, and he wondered how he was going to tell her what Roman had done. She had been hurt by Stefano, but this was a betrayal that would run much deeper. Roman had left her son in the hands of a madman. John was almost afraid of what this might do to her. It could set her back weeks in therapy.

Walking in the house he found Marlena sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, putting on a pair of fluffy pink socks. He loved her so much. It lanced his heart having to tell her what Roman had done, but their relationship had to be built on trust. He couldn’t keep this from her. Sitting down across from her, he stared at her for a moment, before he finally said, “Roman knew about Avi. When he came home a year ago, he knew…and he didn’t tell anyone.”

“He knew? He knew that my son was with Stefano, and he didn’t tell anyone? What about me? Did he know about me?”

“He thought you were dead. He thought he’d killed Stefano, but when he came home to Salem, he never mentioned that he knew about Avi,” John said.

“If you’d known…you would have looked for him,” she said softly, almost as if she were lost in her own mind.

“Doc, you know I would have,” John whispered.

“We were there the whole time…why didn’t he say something? Does he hate you that much?” she asked John, tears shining in her eyes. 

“I can’t say what goes on in his mind, but I also can’t forgive this. If I’d known…if he’d fucking opened his selfish G-d damned mouth, Doc…I would have found you,” John said.

“I’m not going to crumble from this…I won’t. My time with you…the past two months—I’m stronger, and Avi’s stronger. I’m nearly ready to go home, but I won’t go home to him.”

“What do you want to do, baby? You tell me, and we’ll do it.”

“I want to be with you, John.”

“That’s good, Doc, because I want to be with you,” John said softly.

Chapter 13

I was scared when you came into my room…

Marlena kneeled before John and stared at his shirtless body. He was lying prone on the floor, in front of the fireplace in his boxer briefs. This was the first time they were doing TTT like this, and Marlena was fairly certain that they had moved away from the clinical side of things, and were moving into uncharted territory. She had asked Dr. Vellanki about it in her session that morning, and the therapist had reassured her to do what she was comfortable with. She knew she wanted more, so she had shyly asked John if he was willing, not that she expected him to say no. After their kiss on the deck two days ago, they had kissed at least ten more times, once being caught by Avi, who just stared at them with wide eyes, asking, “What are you doing?”

“Are you ready?” John asked her, opening his eyes, and staring up at her.

“Yes,” she whispered, placing her palm on his abdomen. She watched his eyes close, and felt the ripple of his muscles under her palm signaling her effect on him. She smiled softly to herself, and again, she felt that rush of power. She did this to him. Sliding her palm down, she dipped her index finger into his navel, watching him shiver, and then swept her hand over his hip. “Are you cold?” she asked him.

“Doc, I think you know…I’m not cold,” he said with a smirk.

Marlena glanced down, and saw that he was half-hard in his boxer briefs. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, but she ran her finger down the length of his cock, and his hips bucked. She smiled to herself again, when he groaned, “Doc…”

Moving her hands to his chest, she ran them languidly over his heated flesh, concentrating on the feel of his hair under them, while breathing deeply of his scent. “You smell so good,” she whispered. “Your smell makes me feel so safe.”

“You are safe. With me, you will always be safe,” he murmured. He couldn’t control his body’s response to her, and shivered again, when she rubbed the pad of her finger over his nipple, intentionally looking for a response. She got one, as goosebumps covered his body, and his nipple pebbled under her ministrations. “G-d, woman, I love you,” he moaned.

Marlena started laughing, enjoying the light moments they shared when things got heavy. “I love you too, John,” she said. Staring at him, she asked quietly, “Can I try something?”

His breathing hitched, and he said softly, “Yes.”

Marlena climbed over him, straddling his body. She was wearing a pair of neon pink bike shorts, and a simple white t-shirt, but John thought she was gorgeous with her long blonde hair streaming in waves over her shoulders and down her back. She’d gained weight over the last two months, and that healthy glow she’d always had, had returned to her. She settled her body on his, sitting her center directly over his cock, and he nearly bit his own tongue to keep from moaning in pleasure. Leaning forward, she splayed her palms over his chest, and rubbed over his skin. “I was wondering if I would be okay with this,” she murmured, leaning forward slightly, and resting herself on her arms.

“What do you mean?” he rasped out.

“If I was on top…I wondered…” she said. “I wondered if I would feel okay this way.”

“And?”

“I feel good. In charge of what happens to me,” she whispered. “Can you…can you put your hands on my hips?”

John hesitated for a moment, looking into her eyes, and settled his hands on her, gently squeezing. He’d gotten into the habit of asking her what color she was when he touched her, so he said without thinking, “Color?”

“Green. Can you touch me?”

“Touch you? Doc, I don’t know…” he said, already feeling his cock twitch underneath her.

“Please? I’ve been feeling like I need more…but I’m scared, and this way, it feels more controlled,” she said, running her fingers through his chest hair slowly. John slid his hands slowly, up her arms, and over her shoulders, careful to avoid her neck. He started to move his hands back down, and Marlena whispered, “Touch my neck.”

John’s hands stopped their downward path, and began moving up over her collarbones. “Like this?” he asked her, softly trailing his fingers up the side of her neck.

“Yes,” she groaned, allowing her head to roll back momentarily. The feel of his calloused palm over the soft skin of her neck, had her body shaking.

“Color?”

“Green,” she replied. She was nervous. Flashes of Stefano’s rage filled eyed hit her, one right after another, but she took a deep breath, instead forcing herself to focus on the feel of his fingers caressing over her skin. Suddenly she felt Stefano’s fingers squeezing her, and she panted out, “Yellow.”

John immediately removed his hands, waiting for her to speak. She was breathing deeply with her eyes closed. Laying his palms flat on the floor, he watched her regain her composure.

“He sometimes choked me,” she whispered. John saw tears sliding from her eyes. “When he was angry. He wanted me to fight him, or enjoy what he was doing to my body. But I would just lay there. I would lay there and wait for it to be over…and, he’d—he’d get so angry.”

“Doc, do you want to talk about this?” John asked her quietly, vowing to himself yet again that someday, Stefano was going to suffer.

“Touch my neck again,” she whispered. “I need to do this, John. I need to get over this fear, because my heart knows, you would never hurt me.”

His hands trailed softly back up her neck, being as gentle as he could, and making sure she was comfortable with his touch, “Color, baby?”

“Green,” she said, closing her eyes, and concentrating on the feel of him. “Do you remember that time in Stockholm?” she whispered.

John’s hands stopped moving, as he thought about it. He immediately knew what she was referring to. They had barely made it to their hotel room the night John had saved her from Orpheus. He’d pushed her against the door, holding her by her neck, immobilizing her, so that he could worship her body. He remembered. His cock twitched again, as he thought about how he had held her there with one hand, while he’d leaned down biting at her breasts. John moaned, deep in his throat, “Doc.”

He started to take his hands away from her, but she stopped him. “Can you hold me there?”

“Why, Doc? Why do you want me to do this, when it obviously triggers you?”

“Because it didn’t always trigger me, John. It used to…arouse me,” she said staring at him. “Hold my neck with one hand…and touch me with the other.”

His hand took her throat, and he swallowed nervously, staring straight into her eyes, while his other hand followed the path of her hip, and over her thigh. Marlena moaned, moving her hips over him slightly. John felt his arousal heighten. Her center rolled over his cock again, and he groaned out, “Color?”

Marlena rolled her hips against him for the third time, moaning, “Green.”

“Doc?” he asked her, releasing her neck, and staring at her with blown pupils. “We need to talk, because this is becoming heated very quickly. I don’t want to do something that could scare you.”

For the first time in six years she wanted someone sexually. She felt herself getting emotional, and her eyes welled up. “I trust you…do you trust me?”

“What? Doc, of course I trust you,” he said.

Marlena reached for the hem of her shirt, pulling the soft cotton fabric over her head, and laying it to the side. “Touch me,” she whispered. “If I need you to stop, I’ll say red. If I need you to slow down…yellow, but right now the color is green.”

“Green,” he whispered, lifting his hands to splay over her ribs, and push up under her breasts. He was watching her for reactions, and all he could see on her face was bliss. He had to trust that if it was too much, she’d say something. They had to trust each other, and for the first time since they started this process, John allowed himself to let go, and stop holding back. His hands cupped her breasts, kneading them, while his thumbs rubbed over her nipples through the fabric of her bra. She moaned, and he was transported back in time. “Can I…can I take it off?” he asked her.

She reached back, unfastening the clasp of her bra, freeing her breasts. John couldn’t take his eyes off of her, as she shrugged the straps off of her shoulders. Lifting her eyes back to him, she whispered, “Green.”

“Fuck, Doc…” he moaned, sitting up, and licking her nipple. Her whimper drove him on. John opened his mouth, sucking her flesh into his mouth with an agonizing growl. He sucked on her with a desperation borne of need, and his hips bucked slightly searching for relief. 

She could feel moisture pooling in her panties, and the need in her rising higher. “John, I need—I need—” she was at a loss for words, because she wanted him, but she wasn’t ready for wanting him, and she wasn’t sure how to express that.

“Do you trust me?”

“I do. I do,” she said breathlessly.

“Take off your shorts, and your panties, Doc.”

She didn’t hesitate, rolling to the side, and pulling the rest of her clothing off. When she looked back to him, he’d pushed his boxer briefs down, below his cock. She’d been afraid that the sight of him might bring up terrifying memories, and she was relieved to find that it didn’t. Reaching out, she touched the tip of his cock, wiping the drop of pre cum from him. Looking up at John she whispered, “Tell me what to do.”

“Straddle me again,” he said roughly. Crossing her leg over his body, she stood on her knees, and felt her pussy throbbing with want. “Sit down baby,” he told her.

She watched his face, as she settled her body onto the line of his cock. The heat of him settled between her pussy lips, and she groaned out loud, feeling the pressure against her clit. His hands gripped her hips, and she could tell from the look on his face that he was holding back.

John rasped out, “Color?”

“Oh, G-d! John you know!”

“Tell me!” he said loudly, gripping her flesh tightly.

“Green,” she cried out, trying to move her hips. “Green.”

Using his hands on her hips, John pulled her body, so that her pussy slid along his length. “Fuck, Doc…you feel so good…”

Sensation was exploding from every nerve in her body. The tip of his cock bumped her clit, as she slid over him. Moving her hips, she started rolling her body over him faster, desperate for the release she knew was coming. Rising higher, and higher, she leaned her hands to support her body on his chest, and raked her fingernails over the skin of his chest, panting, and moaning. “Harder,” she whispered.

John gripped her hips tighter, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of her hips, as he ground himself up against her. “Doc, I’m going to come if we don’t stop.”

“Green, John…don’t stop!”

He wanted to flip her over, and pound into her, and holding himself back the the truest test of trust. Instead he exclaimed, “Oh, G-d, baby!”

“John…John, I’m…” and then Marlena fell over the cliff into orgasmic oblivion. John followed right behind her.

Both of them collapsed, Marlena breathing heavily as she clung to his sweaty skin. She waited to feel sad, or scared. She thought she would feel guilt, but she felt none of it. She felt safe, and she felt loved. That was when she knew that she was healing, and she was with the perfect person to help her heal. “I love you, John,” she whispered against his neck, as his hands softly stroked over her back. “I love you so much.”

John said softly, “You are the other half of my soul, Doc.”

Chapter 14

…The walls became the sea, your voice was the moon…

John opened the door to the loft, letting Marlena and Avi enter before him. “You have a door that slides?” Avi asked him in awe.

Laughing softly, John replied, “Yeah, I do, little man.”

“I like that,” the boy said, looking around curiously. 

“I didn’t know you lived here,” Marlena said with a smile. “Bo and Hope lived here for a while. Even Kayla, I believe.”

“They did,” he said softly. “Um, I can take you upstairs. There’s two bedrooms, and, if you want you can share the guest room with—”

“—no. Avi can have his own room,” she said looking up at him, and touching his arm lightly. “I want to start sleeping with you. Well…I mean…:

“I know what you mean, Doc.”

“I’m going to sleep by myself? In my own room?” Avi asked excitedly. “Shawn D said that’s what big boys do. Am I a big boy now?”

“I guess you are,” John said ruffling the boys hair, and scooping him off the floor. “Come on, Doc, Avi and I are going to show you around.”

“We are? I don’t know my way around,” the boy said.

“Shhh, I’ll help you. Just pretend you know what I’m talking about,” John whispered conspiratorially. 

Marlena couldn’t help but smile at the bond that had formed between John and Avi over the last three months. Their little family had the time they needed to grow together and heal. The boy idolized his father, and it made her so happy. Following them up the stairs, she trailed her fingers over the banister, thinking that John used to live here with his wife. Isabella had lived here. They’d only been married for eight months, but Marlena could see feminine touches in every corner of the place. 

When Avi stood in the doorway to his room, he started crying. He was so overwhelmed with it. While they were in Washington, John had asked Hope and Shawn D to decorate the space, and they didn’t disappoint. Avi walked over to the blue dresser, which had red handles, and touched it gently. He examined the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles design on the comforter that covered the bed, and he looked at the figurines that lined the desk. He looked up at John and asked, “This is for me?”

“It is,” he replied, kneeling down, and pulling the little boy into his arms. Standing up, he looked at Marlena, and whispered with a wink, “I was hoping you’d want to stay with me.”

“Mighty presumptuous of you, John Black,” she said with a smile.

Checking his watch he said, “Why don’t we order dinner and eat here? I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be—”

“—insane. Once Roman finds out I’m here, and I want to see the children…if what you and Bo have said is true…I’m afraid he might try and keep me from them, because I’m with you,” she said in low tones, so that Avi couldn’t hear her.

“We’ll figure it out, Doc. I promise. If we have to, and I hope we don’t…but if we have to, we’ll get a lawyer. You’re not losing the kids. I won’t let that happen,” he said softly.

A knock sounded on the loft door, and John turned towards the hallway. Turning back to Marlena, he asked her, “Do you want to wait up here?”

“Yes. If it’s Roman…I’m not ready for that. He—after what he did to Avi, I can’t see him right now, John. I’ve got to mentally prepare myself for that,” she whispered.

“Okay. You and Avi…wait here,” he said, kissing her softly.

Downstairs, John opens the loft door to find Carrie standing there. She threw herself at him, practically yelling, “Daddy! I missed you so much!”

“Hey, Punkin’,” he said happily. “G-d, I missed you too.”

“I saw Hope earlier, and she mentioned you were coming home tonight, and I didn’t want to force myself on you, but I couldn’t stay away,” she said, her words running together in a rush. “Is Mom here?”

“She is. She’s upstairs with Avi,” John said. “Come in. She’s going to want to see you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, Punkin’. She going to want to see you.”

“Okay,” she says, stepping inside. Carrie took her coat off, putting it on the coatrack, and noticed the luggage sitting on the floor. They must have just gotten home.

“Come on,” he said, taking her hand, and leading her up the stairs.

Carrie could hear Avi’s little voice as they reached the end of the hallway, “And Papi said that Shredder won’t ever get us again, cause he’s going to potect us…pretet us…”

Marlena said with a laugh, “Protect, and yes, your Papi doesn’t make promises unless it’s a sure thing.”

Carrie almost started crying. Although she had spoken to Avi on the odd occasion, John had usually made their phone calls when Marlena was in the shower. His explanation being that he wanted Marlena to focus on healing, and she wasn’t ready for anything else. Carrie could understand that. Even though she’d spoken with John, and even Bo and Hope, no one had told her what Marlena had gone through specifically, but Carrie knew that a three month seclusion meant that, whatever it was, it was bad. She respected that. 

John indicated that Carrie should wait in the hallway, and he entered the guest room with a smile, “Hey, Doc. Someone’s here to see you.”

She looked up warily, “Who?” He pulled Carrie into the doorway, and Marlena shouted, “Carrie!” Jumping to her feet, she nearly flew at the girl, grabbing her and holding her tightly. “Oh, Carrie!” she said excitedly. Pulling back she said, “Let me look at you!”

Avi watched the scene play out in rapt fascination. “You’re the phone Carrie?”

She kneeled down, looking at him, “Yeah, I’m the phone Carrie, and you, look just like your Daddy.”

Avi smiled proudly, “That’s what Mama says, too!”

Carrie kissed him on the cheek, “It’s nice to meet you in person.” Avi beamed at her, watching her stand up, and hug Marlena again. “I’m so glad you’re here,” Carrie whispered to Marlena. “I’m so glad you’re alive, and you’re okay.”

“I was going to order some Chinese food. Do you want to stay for dinner?” John asked.

Carrie glanced at her watch, “I can’t I have to pick up the twins from the pub. Roman’s working again.”

John watched her sadly, thinking again that Roman should be raising his own children, and not putting the responsibility on Carrie. “I’m sorry, Punkin’. You know my opinion on the matter.”

“That’s everyone’s opinion, except his apparently,” Carrie said, stepping back into the hallway. As she descended the steps, the whole family trailed behind her.

“Has Roman told the twins about me?” Marlena asked softly.

“He hasn’t mentioned it to them at all. He told me he would, but he hasn’t. I was planning to tonight. Obviously, it’s not ideal,” Carrie said. “I’m eighteen. He’s the adult. This should be coming from him.”

“Why don’t you have Shawn and Caroline help you tell them?” Marlena suggested. She paused, and said softly, “I really wish John and I could tell them.”

John wanted to do that for her. He wanted to do it for the twins, and Carrie. So, he said, “Pick them up, and bring them here, Carrie.”

Carrie and Marlena looked at him, and Carrie said, “He’s going to be angry.”

“I don’t care if he’s angry. He should have done this already, and honestly, it’s better this way. There’s no court order forbidding me from seeing them, and Marlena is their mother. Pick them up, and bring them here,” he said. “I’m ordering Chinese food.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Carrie arrived back at the loft with Sami and Eric thirty minutes later. She was nervous. Not because they were there without Roman knowing, but because Sami and Eric were going to meet their mother. John opened the loft door, and Sami screamed as soon as she saw him. “Daddy! You live here? Carrie said it was a surprise, and it’s you!”

John lifted Sami, kissing her on the cheek, “Well, surprise, Peanut! It’s me!”

“Daddy, you have a door that slides,” Eric said.

“Someone mentioned that to me earlier,” he replied with a laugh, thinking that Avi had said nearly the same thing. “Come on in. I wanted to talk to the two of you about some things.”

“Are you gonna get in trouble ‘cause we came here?” Sami asked. “Cause I don’t want you to get in trouble, Daddy.”

“I don’t think so, Sami,” John said, pulling the little girl into his lap, while he sat on the couch. “Eric, come here, and sit beside me.” 

Eric climbed up beside John, cuddling up under his arm, “I missed you, Daddy.”

“I wanted to show you a picture,” John told them. “Carrie, can you hand me the photograph on the counter?” Once he has the photo in his hand, he shows the twins. “Do you two remember this picture?”

“It’s you and Mommy,” Sami said with a smile. “She looks so happy.”

“She was happy. We were very happy. Do you remember her?”

“I remember a little bit,” Eric said quietly. “She used to read us books at bedtime, and she smelled like…flowers.”

“I remember, she hugged me a lot,” Sami told them. “But she died.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that. You know how Hope came home?”

“Yeah, cause Uncle Bo thought she was dead, but a bad man named Stefano had her,” Eric said. Looking sheepish he said, “I wasn’t supposed to be listening…”

Sami laughed, and said, “We were sneaking.”

John smiled at them, “When Bo and I found Hope, we found your mother too.”

Sami asked, pointing at the photo, “Our Mommy? This Mommy?”

“Where is she?” Eric demanded. “If you found her…is she here?”

“She is, but I wanted to talk to you first. I don’t want you to be scared.”

“I wouldn’t be scared of my Mommy,” Sami said, climbing down from John’s lap. “It’s my Mommy.”

“There’s something else, Peanut. We found someone else with her,” he told her. “You have a brother.”

“I have a brother?” Eric said, jumping off the couch. “All these girls, and I have a brother? This is amazing!”

“Do you want them to come down? Are you ready for that? I thought we could order Chinese food and have dinner—”

Sami jumped up and down, yelling, “—you got us a Mommy and Chinese food?”

Laughing loudly, John said, “I sure did. Let me get them.”

Carrie watched Sami and Eric wiggle and squirm, until John came down the stairs, carrying Avi, with Marlena beside him. As excited as they were, Eric and Sami stared at Marlena and Avi for a moment, as if they weren’t sure what to do. It was Eric who took the first tentative step, “Mommy? I remember you…but now you have long hair.”

Marlena fell to her knees in front of Eric, telling him with a smile, “I’m probably going to get a haircut soon.”

“I think it’s pretty,” Sami whispered, stepping closer, and touching the loose strands softly. “Like mermaid hair.”

“I always wanted to be a mermaid,” Marlena told her.

“I do too,” she responded shyly. 

“I want to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle,” Avi said to no one in particular. “So I can beat up Shredder.”

Eric looked up at the little boy in John’s arms, like he was suddenly in love. “You like Ninja Turtles?” Avi nodded furiously, squirming to get free of John’s arms. And just like that the twins accepted that their life had changed for the better.

Chapter 15

Oh, when you rocked me in your arms…

The following morning, Marlena lie in bed facing John, and asked him, “Does Roman do that a lot?”

“Leave Carrie with the twins…or someone else?” John replied. “All the time. He won’t even speak to me, but I know that everyone in his family has mentioned it at one point or another.”

“They obviously love you very much. They still call you Daddy, but I didn’t hear them call Roman anything, and Carrie called him by his first name.”

“When Roman first came back, Carrie struggled a lot. You remember when I first came into her life, and she wouldn’t accept me?” he asked her.

“Yes…I woke up from my coma, and everything was okay.”

“Carrie has deep rooted trust and abandonment issues. Between Anna flouncing in and out of her life, and the horrors of losing parents, only to have them return from the dead…she and I have determined to make our relationship one that is based on the truth. I won’t lie to her, or downplay things to be gentle with her. She doesn’t have the patience for it. She’s a lot like Anna in that respect. Carrie wants the truth and the facts, and if someone lies to her, she cuts them out,” John told her. “If I’m not upfront with her, she’ll never trust me again. When Roman returned, he refused to listen to her. He moved into the house, forbade her from talking to me, and even took her drivers license away to be sure she didn’t drive to see me. He hasn’t been able to earn her trust, or her respect.”

Marlena was shocked. “He came back, after seven years of being thought dead, and turned their lives upside down.”

“He did. As I told you before, he was…maybe he still is…convinced that a trigger exists within me that’s going to put me under the control of Stefano DiMera.”

“Do you think there is?”

“I don’t know, Doc. I don’t think so, but I certainly can’t live my life that way,” he said softly.

“I agree. That’s no way to live, isolating yourself from family and friends…”

A loud pounding sounded on the loft door downstairs, and Marlena’s eyes were suddenly struck with fear. She knew. It was Roman. Avi came running into the room, yelling, “Papi!”

Rolling out of bed, and scooping his son into his arms, John said roughly, “You climb into bed with Mama, Avi.” 

Placing his son into bed beside Marlena, another series of aggressive knocks was laid across his door, and he could hear Roman yelling, “John Black! You fucking bastard, open the G-d damned door!”

John looked at Marlena, his eyes pleading with her, “Stay up here with Avi. Lock the bedroom door behind me, but please, Doc…please don’t come downstairs.”

She gets out of bed, just as the pounding on the door starts up again. “Okay,” she says softly.

John kisses her gently, and leaves the room, making sure he hears her click the lock on the door before he descends the stairs. Throwing open the loft door, John says in a low and lethal tone, “Get the fuck away from my loft, or I’m calling the fucking police!”

“I am the G-d damned police!” Roman roared.

“That doesn’t give you the right to come pounding on my door at 6:30 in the morning, and scaring my child,” he said.

“I want to see my wife.”

“No. Now leave.”

“No? She’s my wife!” Roman said loudly.

“Not for long. Now leave,” he replied. 

“I could have you arrested, you know,” Roman said with venom. “I know Carrie brought the twins by here last night.”

“Roman, there is no standing court order that says they can’t be around me. The only thing in place, says I can’t be in your home. I wasn’t in your home,” John stated.

“That’s going to change very quickly. I won’t have my children around you.”

“Marlena won’t stand for being denied access to her children, Roman. You know that, and I’m not going anywhere,” John stated. “I came to you three months ago and begged you to look for her and Hope. You refused. This is where we stand now, but she has worked too hard…to fucking damn hard, to heal. She was in therapy every fucking day, Roman. Every G-d damned day, and I was there for all of it. You told me you wouldn’t believe me, even if Marlena was standing right in front of you! Do you remember saying that?”

Roman stared at John for a moment, “I—“

“—what?” John said loudly. “What could you possibly say to defend what you’ve done? You refused to help me look for her, and you left our son with Stefano!”

“I thought Stefano was dead!”

“Then, who did you think you were leaving my child with? If you thought Marlena was dead, and Stefano was dead, but you knew of the existence of my son, who did you think would take care of him?”

“I didn’t fucking care! He wasn’t my problem. My wife believed you were me. She fucked you in our bed, and she gave birth to your child,” Roman said. 

“I can’t believe that Shawn and Caroline raised you,” John said sadly. “They would be ashamed if they knew what you’ve done. When Anna showed up with Carrie, Marlena accepted her with all of the love a mother could. Carrie wasn’t her child, but it didn’t matter.”

“That was different.”

“How was it different? She was a child, and she was innocent…and Marlena loved her like her own. You weren’t expected to raise Avi. You weren’t even expected to love him. All you had to do, Roman, was tell someone…anyone…that he existed,” John said. “But you didn’t, and that is just as fucked up as Stefano.”

“Don’t you ever compare me to Stefano DiMera,” Roman yelled. “I am nothing like him!”

“You fucking left my son with a madman, who tortured his mother daily. I have no respect for you, and I never will. Marlena will divorce you, and she will get custody of the twins,” John said. “She’s not speaking with you right now. She didn’t do three months of therapy to have you ruin it all in one moment. Fucking leave.”

“I want to speak with my wife!” Roman roared, just as the elevator opened, and two officers stepped out.

John looked at them, and one said, “There was a call about a noise disturbance.”

Roman said, “He won’t let me see my wife!”
Marlena’s voice came from the bottom of the stairs, “I’m here.”

John sighed inwardly, “Doc…”

“No, John. No. I’m going to say what I need to say, and then he’s going to leave,” she said stepping forward.

Roman tried to enter the loft, and John stopped him, “You don’t have permission to enter my home. You’ve already scared our child.”

Marlena stepped closer, and noticed the two police officers standing there, with him. She said quietly, but firmly, “I’m going to say this once, Roman, and I will never discuss it with you again, “I was with Stefano for six years. For six years he raped me almost daily.”

Roman cut her off, “Doc, I—”

“No!” she yelled loudly. “You don’t get to speak right now. You came here at 6:30 in the morning, scaring our son, and demanding to see me. You are going to listen to me!”

“Baby, are you sure?” John asked her softly. She looked at him, and he saw strength in her eyes. He backed up, and allowed her to say what she needed to say. 

Roman sneered at their interaction, watching the byplay between them with disgust. Marlena could tell by the way he held himself, and the manner in which he had been speaking to John, that the Roman Brady who had returned to Salem was a mere shadow of the man she had married. “Stefano raped me almost every day. He may have told you I’d died, but you knew that he had my son. You knew! And because of your hatred for John you left an innocent child in the hands of a madman—”

“—I thought I’d killed—”

“—shut up!” she yelled, silencing his excuses before he’d even finished. “I don’t want to hear your explanations! If you had told John about Avi, he would have searched for him until he found him…and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have been raped repeatedly for the last year he had me. Maybe, John would have found us…but you didn’t, Roman. You condemned a child, who was only four years old at the time, to a life of unknown evils, because your pride was wounded.”

“This has nothing to do with pride,” Roman said angrily.

“This has everything to do with pride. I was upstairs. I heard everything you said. Your hatred and your venom towards John is all because I fell in love with someone else. We thought he was you, but that didn’t change the love I felt for him, and that enrages you, doesn’t it? You almost vibrate with it,” she said stepping closer to him. “I have spent the last three months in therapy every single day, to get stronger, and replace the broken woman that John found, with the one standing before you. I will not be cowed by you, Roman. I will not allow you to enter the safe space that we have created here, so that you can spit your hatred and your vitriol. You have seen me. Now leave.”

Roman stood there for a moment, almost as if he couldn’t process what she had just said to him. When he did speak, it was only to threaten her. “You won’t get the kids, Doc. I’ll fight you on this. I won’t have my children around him, because he’s not safe.”

“He’s not safe? John’s not safe?” she said incredulously. “He saved my life. He saved Hope’s life, and Avi’s. You? You condemned us to an extra year with Stefano. Don’t threaten me, Roman. You’ll lose.”

“No judge in their right mind would give you custody when you’re living with a ticking time bomb,” Roman told her.

Marlena had said what she wanted to say. She looked at John, and said softly, “I’m going to check on Avi.”

John watched her walk away, and he turned back to Roman. “A year ago, I wasn’t able to fight you. Now, I have enough money to tie this up in the court system until the twins are eighteen. She has lost to fucking much. You will not take her children to spite me,” John said. Glancing at the two helpless police officers, John said, “I don’t want him here, so if you could escort him out of the building, please?”

One of the officers looked at Roman, and said, “Um, sir…”

John was already closing the loft door when he heard Roman say, “I know what the fuck he said, Simmons!”

Upstairs, Marlena slid back into her and John’s bed, beside Avi, who had fallen back to sleep. John came in the room quietly, and climbed into the bed behind her, looping his arm around both of them, “He’s gone, Doc. You know…I asked you to stay upstairs.”

“I couldn’t. I was listening at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t. I’m stronger now, and I’m so angry at him. I can never forgive him for what he’s done,” she whispered.

“I certainly don’t expect you too,” he said, kissing her shoulder. “I think you are the strongest woman I know.”

Chapter 16

…Like a song, a wave on the tide of you…

Marlena stood with John holding his hand outside of the lawyers office. She glanced at the placard on the door, and read Diane Miller. They had traveled to Syracuse, New York for this meeting, and all she could hope for was a lawyer willing to take on their custody case. Entering the waiting area, Marlena noted that it was tastefully decorated, although the woman seemed to like shoes, since most of the art involved paintings of shoes. Smiling to herself she couldn’t help but imagine an eccentric woman, but in this case, that’s what they needed. Who was going to be able to sift through a case like this without being slightly eccentric?

Before John could even sit down, Diane stepped out of her office, “Mr. Black?” She was exquisitely dressed, with short vibrant red hair, and a classy pair of shoes, just as Marlena had suspected she would. Marlena smiled to herself, as she followed John into the woman’s office. Taking seats at a table opposite her, Marlena and John heard her say, “I was able to look through the material you sent me, and I have to say that this case is quite extraordinary. Mind you, I handle extraordinary cases everyday, and I don’t lose. My question is, are you willing to call witnesses that could potentially cause a rift in this family? Are you willing to talk about the horror, which you have endured? Because if Roman Brady was willing to leave a child in the hands of the unknown, you can be certain that he’s willing to fight dirty for these children just to spite you.”

Marlena’s heart breaks, knowing that this is going to get messy, but she can’t continue to allow Roman to have the twins. His work hours are extensive, he leaves the responsibility of raising them to Carrie, and he’s constantly spreading lies in front of the children about John. The situation is unhealthy for them, and it’s emotionally, possibly verbally, abusive. Sighing, she says softly, “We don’t have a choice. My children are probably in an abusive situation. Not physically, yet, but I’ve seen his anger…and it could turn physical. They’re only eight. I don’t want that for them.”

“I understand, so if you want to go forward, we need to make a plan,” Diane said, pulling out a notepad, and clicking her ink pen.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Carrie had just finished getting Eric ready for bed, and Sami entered the bathroom. “Go ahead, and get in the tub. I ran the water for you, and put in some bubbles, so you feel fancy,” Carrie said with a laugh.

“I love fancy baths!” Sami said excitedly, removing her shirt.

Carrie glanced over, and noticed that Sami had bruises on her arm, bruises from someones fingers. Stepping over to her, she kneeled down, and lifted the girls arm, noting bruising underneath as well. Someone had grabbed her, hard. “Sami?” Carrie said softly.

“I made him mad. He got mad, ‘cause I said John was my Daddy,” Sami said softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know. I won’t say it again,” she told Carrie.

“Sami, you have to tell me when this happens. This isn’t okay. You understand that, don’t you?”

The girl shrugs, “He done it before…”

Carrie was scared, and didn’t know what to do. “He’s hurt you before? Hold on here, okay?” Leaving the bathroom quickly, she grabbed her camera, and came back. “I’m going to take a couple pictures. Just in case we need them.”

“Why do we need pictures?” Sami asked.

Leaning closer, and speaking softer, Carrie said, “Just in case.”

“Just in case of what?”

Carrie sighed, “Just in case, Sami. Stop asking questions.”

“In case we want to leave here, and live with Mommy and Daddy?”

“You are smarter than I give you credit for, Samantha Gene. Yes, now lift your arm, and let me take some pictures,” Carrie said.

Later after the twins were in their rooms reading, Carrie called John. She didn’t know what else to do. Was it abuse? Was it discipline? How was she supposed to know the difference? John used to be a police officer, and she trusted him more than anyone else in her life. He answered the phone, and she said, “Daddy? I have a question.”

“Yeah, Punkin’?”

“Roman got angry at Sami, and he grabbed her arm. She said he shook her, and she…she has bruises. Under her arm, and on the top of her arm, like he squeezed her. That’s abuse, right?”

“Yes, Carrie that’s considered abuse. If a mark lasts more than 24 hours, it’s considered abuse. When did it happen?” John asked her. 

“I just saw it tonight, but, um, she said it happened a few days ago. She said he’s done it before. I took pictures. I don’t know why, but I took pictures,” Carrie told him.

“Good. Good. Let me talk to Doc. See what she thinks, but we might have to call CPS to do a wellness check. You know that’s not okay, Carrie. He grabbed her, and shook her, leaving bruises…she’s eight years old,” John said. The anger in him was rising quickly. They might not make it to court at this rate.

“I don’t feel comfortable leaving them with him alone anymore. Not if he’s going to hurt them, because they love you,” she said.

“What? What exactly did Sami tell you?”

“Sami said that Roman was angry because she called you her Daddy.”

“He hurt her because she loves me? I’m—I’m talking to Doc, and I’m calling your grandparents. Tomorrow is Saturday. What’s Roman’s schedule?”

Carrie thought for a moment, “I think he’s supposed to go in around noon tomorrow. He’s still at work now.”

“Can you get them up early, and head to the pub?” he asked her.

“Yes, I can do that. I was thinking I might have them sleep in my room, and call it a sleepover—”

“—Carrie, you are an amazing kid. You know that?” John said, with pride in his voice. “I think a sleepover is a good idea, and I’m going to speak with Doc. I’m going to warn you that we might have to make a CPS call. I won’t have this escalating.”

“I know. I think that’s why I took pictures. I know it’s wrong,” Carrie said softly.

Upstairs, Marlena had just gotten Avi to sleep when John went to speak with her. “We have a problem, Doc, and I’ll follow your lead. Whatever you want to do. Carrie called me and said that Sami has bruises on her arm from Roman grabbing her and shaking her a few days ago. According to Sami, he did it because she called me her Daddy,” John said.

“They can’t stay with him, John. This is only going to get worse!” Marlena thought for a moment and asked, “Was a mental evaluation ever done on Roman when he returned?”

“I don’t believe so. I feel like he returned, and I lost everything. He was back on the force within two weeks. He moved back in with the children within a week,” John said. 

“He was gone with Stefano for seven years!” Marlena exclaimed. “And the courts just gave him custody?”

“I fought it, Doc. I fought it, spending every last penny I had in my savings account. He was a cop, and I was an unknown variable,” John said. He paused for a moment, and said, “I think we should have CPS do a wellness check.”

“I think so too, and I want to go see Shawn and Caroline tomorrow, because I won’t have him abusing the children,” she said. “But what about tonight? Is he home?”

“Carrie was going to have them sleep in her room. She’s going to tell them it’s a sleep over,” John said. “I was going to—”

“—call Shawn. Have him come over. Right now,” Marlena said. “This can’t wait. I have a bad feeling about this. Roman’s behavior with you the other day, what he did with Avi, and hurting Sami because of you…I need to talk to Shawn now.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John answered the door, and the first thing out of Shawn’s mouth was, “I came because ye asked me too, but ye know Roman—”

Before John could even speak, Marlena cut Shawn off saying, “I don’t care, Shawn. He’s hurt Sami, and we’re going to talk about it.”

“What do ye mean?” Shawn asked her.

“Carrie called me a little bit ago. Sami has bruises on her arms where Roman grabbed her and shook her,” John said. “He did it because Sami said I was her father.”

“Roman hurt Sami,” Shawn repeated, but he knew it was true. Roman’s temper had been growing more explosive recently since John returned with Marlena. John stared at Shawn waiting, and Shawn said, “I know you got something rattling around in your brain, John. Out with it.”

“Doc and I are worried about the safety of the twins. We’re making a CPS call. Carrie has agreed to get the twins up, and out of the house early tomorrow. She’s bringing them to the pub. Don’t fight us on this, Shawn,” John said, vaguely referencing how the Brady’s supported Roman in his custody fight.

Shawn knew immediately what John meant. “I’m sorry about that. Ye know I am. Roman came home, and we all thought if we supported him, and he got his life back…he could come back to us,” Shawn told them. 

“But he hasn’t..and Shawn he’s done some horrible things,” Marlena said softly. “Horrible things.”

The explanation took awhile, and Marlena hated watching Shawn’s face slowly collapse with the weight of Roman’s misdeeds, but he had to know. They told him everything. About Marlena’s time with Stefano, and the horrors she endured. About Roman thinking he’d killed Stefano and not telling anyone about Avi’s existence. About John and Bo’s insistence that the ISA look for Marlena and Hope, after Roman refused to get involved. Shawn didn’t know how to react. Roman was his oldest son. The one who had always made him proud, but the person who came back after seven years with Stefano was bitter, and angry, intent on living a life filled with hate and rage. “Whatever ye be wanting’ to do, me and Caroline, we be supportin’ ye,” Shawn said sadly. “I won’t be havin’ the twins in danger because Roman’s taking out his hatred for John on them.”

Marlena and John turned towards the stairs when they heard Avi’s little feet descending. “Avi, baby, I thought you were asleep?” Marlena said, picking him up, and kissing him. His hair was mussed up, and he was wearing his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajamas.

“I heard talking,” he replied. “And I wanted Papi.”

“Oh, you want your Papi, do you?” Marlena said laughing, and handing her son over to John. Shawn couldn’t get over how much the child looked like John.

“Hey, little man,” John said quietly. “I want you to meet someone.” John walked over to where Shawn had stood up, and he said, “This is—”

“—I be your granddad,” Shawn said, before John could finish.

“My yayo?” Avi said curiously.

Marlena smiled, and said, “Yes, Avi. Shawn is your yayo.”

Chapter 17

I will let you breathe through me…

Abe Carver stared at Bo in shock. How had he been so wrong? How had he failed so miserably? Abe had been more than surprised to learn that CPS had been called in regards to Roman’s treatment of the twins. When the twins were removed from Roman’s care, and given to Shawn and Caroline temporarily until a custody hearing could be scheduled, he was even more surprised. Abe had received a subpoena from John’s lawyer, for Roman’s time card records, three days later. In an effort to find out what was actually going on, and not just the hate filled, angry version Roman fed him, Abe had contacted Bo. Bo would not lie to him. What Bo had told him, had his mind reeling. 

After staring at the floor for what felt like ages, Abe looked up at Bo, and said, “He knew about John and Marlena’s child, and he left him?”

“I know it’s hard to believe, Abe…but he did. He should have…we all should have made him get help when he came home. After learning what Stefano did to Marlena…after the things Hope has told me, I can’t imagine what Stefano might have put Roman through,” Bo said softly. “We should have gotten him help. Instead we let him go around for the last year, spreading lies about John, and taking his anger out on everyone around him. It’s just as much our fault that he hurt Sami, as it is his!”

“Roman didn’t even mention Marlena and John had a child, and they’ve been back a little over a week,” Abe said.

“His name is Abraham,” Bo told him. “Marlena named him after you.”

Abe had no words for how low he felt. Bo was right. Roman had shown them all signs that he needed help. That he wasn’t okay, but they had all ignored it, hoping that, with time, he would get better. Roman hurting Sami could have been prevented, if only they hadn’t allowed Roman to bully his way through the last year. “Abraham?” he said with a smile.

“They call him Avi. He looks exactly like John…and he acts exactly like Marlena,” Bo said with a grin. “Shawn D loves him like no other, and is so protective over him. Hope would claw someones eyes out if they even looked at him crooked. He’s an amazing kid, Abe.”

“John’s lawyer subpoenaed Roman’s time card records for the last year,” Abe said. 

“She’s a hellcat. Diane Miller will not let this go,” Bo said. “I don’t know where John found her, but Roman won’t win this. If I’m being honest, he shouldn’t win this, Abe. I understand being loyal to your friends, and even being loyal to family…but in this case, I consider John family too, and what Roman has done is inexcusable. Carrie has been raising the twins for the last year, and she’s eighteen. That’s not her responsibility.”

“I know. I know that’s true. He’s here more than he’s anywhere else, and I’ve asked him about it before, but he just brushes me off,” Abe replied. “You’re right. We’ve all been blind to what Roman’s been doing, at the expense of John, and at the expense of Sami, Eric, and Carrie.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The telephone rang, and Avi picked it up, “Hello?”

“Hello?” Shane asked. “Avi?”

“Yes. I’m Avi. Who are you?”

“I’m Shane Donovan, I was the one—”

“Donatello!” the boy said excitedly. “I remember you!”

“Um…No. It’s Shane Donovan. Can I speak to your mother or father?” Shane said with confusion.

“My Mama is still asleep, but my Papi is awake. Hold on, and I can get him,” Avi said, dropping the phone receiver onto the table with a clang.

Running upstairs, Avi found his father exiting the bathroom after a shower, “Donatello’s on the phone!”

John knew immediately that it was Shane. Avi had taken to calling the ISA agents who saved them from Stefano, by the names assigned to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. “Did you call him Donatello?”

“Yes!” Avi said with a large smile. 

John laughed, knowing that he was going to have to explain mutant, pizza-obsessed turtles with ninja skills to Shane. “Run downstairs, and tell Donatello that I’ll be there in a moment.”

“Okay,” Avi said, turning around, and running back out of the room. Once he was downstairs he picked up the telephone again, “Hello?”

“Yes, hello, Avi. Did you get your father?”

“He’s putting clothes on, because he was in the shower, but he was done when I got there, only he had a towel on and that’s not clothes, but he said to tell you that he’s going to come,” Avi said, all in one sentence.

Shane stared laughing, and marveled at the change in the child since he had seen him last. “Okay. That’s fine, I can wait.”

“Do you know the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?”

“I’m not familiar with them, no,” Shane said.

“They are turtles, but they are mutants. Master Splinter raised them. He’s a rat, and the bad guy is Shredder. The turtles are named after artists. Did you know that? They eat pizza a lot, because they like pizza. Master Sprinter taught them ninja skills. My Papi said I can take karate if I want, and I think I do, because, if I know karate, then bad guys can’t hurt me or my Mama,” Avi said. “Bad guys like Shredder.”

“I think karate sounds like a very good thing to learn,” Shane said, his head spinning from a five year olds description of pizza eating mutant turtles with ninja abilities.

“Oh, wait, Donatello…my Papi is here now,” Avi said, handing the phone to John.

“Hey, Shane,” John said.

“Why does Avi keep calling me Donatello?” Shane asked immediately.

“It’s a cartoon Shawn D got him into. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It’s a long story, but because you fight bad guys, you’re now Donatello,” John said with a laugh, watching Avi sit at the coffee table with two turtle figurines.

“Andrew likes lego’s,” Shane says. “I don’t know if I could handle superhero mutant turtles.”

“The kid has an active imagination. For future reference, Stefano is now known as Shredder,” John said. 

“I’ll keep that filed away,” Shane said with a chuckle. “I called because I wanted you to know that Stefano was released from the hospital. He’s on a ventilator, although he’s conscious. The insulin Marlena injected him with caused severe seizures, which led to oxygen deprivation, and permanent brain damage.”

“The bastard should have died, but at least Doc will know she isn’t a murderer. Where is he?” John asked.

“He’s been taken to his home in New Orleans, Maison Blanche,” Shane said. “The ISA has people watching him constantly, although his daughter was not thrilled about the constant oversight.”

“His daughter? Did you know he had a daughter?”

“No. That wasn’t part of the ISA record, although it is now. Her name is Kristen Blake. She has a brother named Peter. Stefano is under her care now. I just wanted you to have an update,” Shane said.

“Thank you,” John said. “I appreciate you calling.” After hanging up the phone, John sat down on the couch watching Avi play. Stefano was in New Orleans, and while he might be alive currently, John made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t be for long. The man was a blight on the world, and John was going to end him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Thank you, Victor. I’ll talk to Marlena about it and see what she thinks,” John said into the telephone. “Can I call you back tomorrow?”

“Certainly. Speak with Marlena, and let me know,” Victor said before hanging up.

“Talk to me about what?” Marlena said from the edge of the bed.

“Victor owns an adjoining property, over on Glen Oaks Drive. He’s offering it to us, since I mentioned that we were looking for a place,” John told her, sitting beside her.

“John the places over there are huge! We don’t need a place that big.”

“Doc, we’re going to eventually need at least four bedrooms,” John said. “Maybe five.”

“Maybe five?”

“You never know,” he said with a grin.

She smiled shyly. They hadn’t discussed having any more children, but she wasn’t averse to it. They were still working towards crossing that final hurdle, and John wasn’t rushing her. He was right. They were going to need a larger place. She asked him, “Have you seen it?”

“I haven’t, but he said we could get the keys and look at it tomorrow,” John said. “I want to find a place and get settled, because once this custody case gets underway…you know it will look more favorable if we can show stability and that we have space for the twins.”

“I’m still getting used to this idea of Victor being a nice guy,” she said.

“I never said he was a nice guy,” John said laughing. “He’ll still break knuckles to get what he wants, but he’s a nicer guy.”

“So we’d be neighbors with Victor, huh?”

“Can you handle that, Doc?”

“If I’m with you, I can handle anything,” she said.

He took her hand, stroking over the skin on the top of it, “I had an idea…something I wanted to try tonight.”

She shivered slightly, already feeling her body react to him, “Did you?”

“It involves a blindfold, and a few other things,” he murmured, leaning forward, and whispering against her ear. “Do you trust me?”

Her body shivered again, and she whispered, “I trust you.”

“Get naked on the bed, baby,” he said, standing up, and moving towards the bedroom door. “Tonight is sensory deprivation. Safe words?”

“Green, yellow, and red,” she said breathlessly, standing up and unbuttoning her shirt, while she watched him leave the room. She heard his feet on the stairs, and found herself anticipating what he had planned. John had spent the last three and a half months proving to her that he would never hurt her, and she knew that when she did have fear, he would allow her to process that at her own pace. 

John returned with a cup of ice, and locked the door, watching Marlena slowly strip her shirt off. He felt his body responding to watching her disrobe. Knowing what he had planned caused him even more excitement. They hadn’t made love, and he wasn’t pushing her boundaries with that until she was comfortable. He had been pushing her boundaries with touch, and what he had planned was going to take touch one step further. Going to his dresser he pulled out a blindfold, ear plugs, and a 5 headed Wartenberg wheel. Marlena stared at the items in John’s hands, and he saw her eyes widen, and her breathing pick up. Laying them on the bed near her, he said to Marlena, “Color?”

“Green,” she whispered, sliding her pants over her hips.

John stripped his shirt over his head, with a huge smile, and said, “You’re going to love this, baby.”

Chapter 18

I will let you be with me…

John tied the blindfold over Marlena’s eyes, and had her lie face down on the bed. The swell of her ass, and the curve of her hips had him wanting to touch her already. Placing the tip of his index finger on her heel, he traced it up along the back of her leg, over the crease of her buttocks, and rising through the center of her back until he reached her shoulders. His heart rate increased, as he heard her softly moan, “John…”

A smirk of satisfaction came over his face, as he murmured softly, “You like that, baby?”

“Yes,” she said breathlessly.

“Are you feeling comfortable with the blindfold? What’s your color?”

“Green,” Marlena said, feeling the tip of his finger trace the length of her arm.

“Good. I want you to focus on touch tonight. I took your sight, so just focus on the feelings, and the sensations. If I do anything you don’t like…use your safe word,” he told her, his words barely above a whisper.

Marlena sighed, enjoying the feel of his featherlight touch along her body. Relaxing into it, she focused on the sensations that came with his touch. Sometimes, it was barely perceptible, and other times he kneaded her muscles, pressing hard into her flesh. She felt John place his palm firmly between her shoulder blades, pressing down lightly, and she thrilled at the pull of it down her spine. This was the most glorious form of torture, and she moaned again.

John moved to the end of the bed, removing his jeans, and leaving himself clad only in a pair of black boxer briefs. Glancing down at her prone body, he reached for her ankles spreading her legs, and climbed onto the bed near her feet. Marlena gasped, feeling the cool air on her center, and it is caused him to smile again, “Color?”

“Green.”

“Good girl, Doc.”

His words thrilled her, and she felt fluid begin to gather between her legs. Her hips bucked slightly into the softness of the bed, and she whined low in her throat.

“When we were married before,” John said, massaging her calf muscles. “I don’t think I realized how much you enjoy words.” His hands moved up the back of her thighs after tracing lightly over the skin behind her knees. Her body shivered violently, but he knew…she wasn’t cold. Using deep pressure, John’s large hands kneaded the flesh of her legs until he was just below her backside, and his thumbs sank between her thighs, right near her pussy, while his fingers squeezed into her, hard.

“Oh, G-d! John,” she gasped, feeling her moisture begin to pool. “More…I need more…”

Moving up to straddle her legs, John smoothed his palms over her back, towards her shoulders, making her sigh again, and wiggle underneath him. “Your skin is so soft, Doc. So smooth. It makes me want to rub myself against you, and bury myself in you.”

“Can you…can you lay on me?” she asked him softly. “Can you lay on my back?”

Stretching out over her, John lay the length of his body along hers, and slid his hands down her arms, stretching them out to her sides, and linking his fingers in hers. His burgeoning cock settled in the crease of her ass, and he bucked his hips gently, rolling against her. “Is my weight too much?”

“Oh…no…no, you feel good…the pressure…hmmm, no, it’s good,” she whispered.

John leaned towards her ear, and whispered, “Can I kiss your neck?”

Marlena was silent for a moment, thinking about how Stefano had spent nearly six years grabbing her neck roughly, or holding her down by the neck, but those thoughts were changing. They were becoming faded, and replaced with something new. The feelings associated with her neck were now more about John, and less about the past, so she whispered back, “Yes.”

She felt the heat of his breath on her skin before she felt the soft pillowy flesh of his lips as they took hold of her, and the sensations were so amazing, so euphoric, that her hips bucked into the bed again, and she said, “Oh…John.”

One of his hands slid over her shoulder, and across the front of her throat, as he whispered, “I got plans for you, Doc.” He bit her shoulder, making her moan, and he said, “Are you ready for me?”

She could barely think. She could barely speak, so she just grunted, “Green.”

John rocked his dick into her backside a little rougher, and then moved away from her. Picking up a partially melted ice cube, he said softly, “This might be shocking.”

Marlena yelped when the ice touched her lips. She wasn’t prepared for the cold, and yet the unexpectedness of it, and her lack of sight, added to the intensity. Three months ago, giving up this kind of control would have been a solid no. John had created a trust with her, a bond of words, and it didn’t scare her. It excited her. The wet, cold feeling moved over her chin and down her neck, as John ran the ice over her skin. 

Her body wracked with shivers, while he watched the water drip and roll over her. John smiled, following the path of the ice in his hand with his eyes, as it slid down her spine. Marlena’s hips bucked again, as the ice slid along the crevice of her ass and John chuckled, low in his throat, saying to her, “Roll over, Doc. On your back.”

She gasped slightly, and rolled to her back. John’s hand smoothed over her abdomen, under her breasts and cupped her breasts lightly. His hands were wet and cold, causing Marlena’s nipples to pebble, and a mewling sound escaped her, as she arched up into his hands. She heard him reach for another ice cube, and waited in anticipation for it, wondering where it would land.

John smirked to himself, as he slid the ice over her nipple, causing her body to buck up. Marlena cried out, “Oh! Oh, John!”

“Doc, you are beautiful. Your body is so fucking beautiful,” John said. “Color?”

“Green!” She cried, as John slid the ice along the lips of her pussy. “Oh, G-d! Green!” She felt her center clench, and she knew she was dripping onto the bed. Partly from arousal, and the rest from the melting ice against her flaming skin. The pad of his finger slid over her clit, pushing slightly, and her orgasm hit her so hard, and so unexpectedly, that she thought she might black out from it.

Next to her ear, she heard John say roughly, “You needed that didn’t you, baby?” But she couldn’t answer him, as her body collapsed back onto the bed. She couldn’t say anything. She just gasped for air, seeing nothing but blackness, and waiting, wondering, what he was going to do next. 

“Have you heard of a Wartenberg Wheel, Doc?”

“Yes—yes…it’s used in neurology…to uh, check for nerve damage,” she said, trying to gather her thoughts.

She felt his breath on her ear, before she heard him, but her body was wracked again with shivers. The coolness of his breath combined with her nudity, and lack of sight had her on edge again. John whispered, “Not tonight, it isn’t.”

“Oh, G-d!” she said softly, when she felt the metal against her skin. It rolled over her thigh, pressing in slightly, and causing all kinds of sensations to run through her. John continued with it, rolling it up over her breast, and then lightly over her nipple. 

Rolling the wheel back down her abdomen, John heard her sharp intake of breath as he neared her pussy. He watched as her breathing hitched, and her back arched up towards him. “What do you want, Doc? Do you want me to keep going?”

“Yes…yes…please…”

Applying light pressure he rolled the wheel over the top of her pussy, and Marlena stopped breathing, every muscle in her body tensed up. “Doc, baby, you’ve got to breath…color?”

“Green,” she sighed, relaxing into the bed. “I need…I need to come again,” she whispered.

John continued to roll the wheel over her skin for a moment, and said roughly, I need to taste you.”

“Taste me? Oh, G-d, yes!”
Tossing the wheel to the side, he licked over her breast, allowing his teeth to nip at her skin. “You taste so fucking good. Your skin tastes like soap, and perfume, and salt…you taste like memories…”

She was entranced by his words, “I do?”

“You do. When I run my tongue over you, I remember out wedding night, and I remember that picnic in West Virginia. I remember Stockholm, and I remember that night in front of the fireplace,” he said, lapping at her skin, and dipping his tongue into her navel.

“When I…when I licked whipped cream off of your mouth,” she sighed.

His tongue traced a path down to her hip, and Marlena arched against him when he licked her hip, so close to her pussy she thought she might die from want. Pushing her legs open, she felt his breath on her skin, as he whispered, “Color?”

“Green,” she replied, hoping, praying, that he was about to put his mouth on her. “John…please…”

John stared at her. She was swollen. She was so wet. Unable to resist, he leaned forward, lapping a long line up her slit, and then sucking her clit into his mouth. Her hands threaded into his hair, gripping it so tightly that pain surged through him, just as blood surged to his cock. “Fuck, Doc!” he cried, resting his head against her inner thigh.

Unable to stop himself, his mouth assaulted her, biting at her flesh, and licking over her, while he would randomly suck her clit into his mouth, pulling deep and long. She knew she wouldn’t last, and fell over the ledge into another orgasm within moments, “John!”

He watched her come down, while he gently smoothed his palms over her skin. Reaching for the blindfold, and taking it off of her, he leaned forward, kissing her lips softly, “I love you.”

She blinked her eyes slowly, adjusting to the soft light of the room, sighing, “I love you, too.”

“I’ll be right back, Doc,” John said. “I’m going to run you a bath.”

“A bath? What about you?”

“This isn’t about me. It’s about you,” he whispered. “It’s about building trust, and remembering that sex isn’t forced. Sex isn’t shame, baby. It’s about being treated like you are the most precious thing in my life.”

She touched his chest lightly, allowing her fingers to move to the waistband of his boxer briefs. She felt his length, trapped within the cotton fabric, and she said softly, “I want to touch you.”

His head rolled back when she squeezed him, “Fuck…”

“Take them off,” she whispered, pushing the fabric over his hips. “Please?”

Once he removed them, he spread his body alongside her on the bed, and allowed her hand to softly play over him. Her fingers wrapped around his length, pulling at him roughly. Her thumb slipped over the head of his cock, with each pass of her hand, and he knew he would lose himself in mere moments. But, it was when Marlena whispered, “I want to watch you come,” that he fell into a bliss filled oblivion.

Panting hard beside her, John’s mouth captured hers, his tongue sweeping into her depths, searching for her. She moaned into him, pressing her body against him, and soaked in his warmth, and his strength. Marlena reached for him, touching his jaw lightly, and said, “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, baby,” he whispered, kissing her again softly. “Let me run you a bath.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “Okay…”

Chapter 19

…My heart beats, your blood…

Diane Miller entered the courtroom confident that John and Marlena would gain custody of Sami and Eric Brady. She had Roman Brady’s time card records for the past year, signed affidavits from his siblings, Bo, Kayla, and Kimberly, as well as an affidavit from his daughter Carrie, his boss, Abraham Carver, and his parents, Shawn and Caroline Brady. All stating that the man had barely been involved in his children’s lives over the past year, despite him having custody. Bo’s testimony was even more damning in that it detailed Roman’s knowledge of the existence of John and Marlena’s child, Avi, for a year prior to the rescue of Avi and Marlena from Stefano DiMera. Diane knew the case was in the bag, although she assumed the judge would want to speak with Sami and Eric in private. 

Marlena followed John, holding onto his hand tightly. She had stayed at the loft for nearly three weeks, barely venturing outside, except to go onto the roof with Avi. She hadn’t been allowed to see the twins, because Roman had placed a restraining order on John. John hadn’t been allowed within 100 feet of the children. She had been able to speak with them on the phone. She knew from conversations with Hope that Roman’s whole family was struggling with feeling disloyal to Roman, but they were willing to support her and John because they knew it would benefit the twins.

She felt like everywhere she went, eyes were on her, and while she wasn’t completely ready to rejoin the world at large, she was strong enough to come out and fight for her children. She and John could now prove that they had a home to welcome them to, and signed statements from Roman’s whole immediate family in her and John’s favor. She turned when she heard the doors to the courtroom open, and saw Sami and Eric enter with Shawn and Caroline.

“Daddy! Mommy!” Sami screamed running towards them, but Shawn reached for her arm, pulling her back.

“Sami, ye know ye can’t be near John right now,” Shawn said sadly.

Sami started crying, “I don’t care! I don’t care! I want my Daddy!” 

Eric was crying too, as he stood beside Caroline, staring at John, and then looking at Marlena. John wanted so badly to go to them, and comfort them, but they had to do everything right today. They couldn’t risk losing this case. He leaned towards Marlena’s ear, and whispered, “Go tell them I love them, and this will be over shortly.”

“Okay,” she whispered, touching his face softly. Approaching the twins, she crouched down, and held her arms out, and the two of them walked right into them. Sami cried, “Grandpa said we can’t see Daddy!”

“It’s not fair,” Eric sniffled. “He didn’t do anything.”

“That’s why we’re here, honey. John and I are trying to figure this out,” Marlena said softly, smoothing their hair and kissing each of them. 

“You want to take us home with you?” Sami asked her.

“We do, but we have to ask a judge here at court if that’s okay.”

“What if the judge says no?” Eric wanted to know.

“Then we’ll try again,” Marlena said calmly.

“I’ll run away! I will, and I’ll hide from him…because I don’t want to be with him anymore,” Sami said in panic.

Touching her face softly, Marlena said, “You’re not going to run away Samantha Gene. You have a lot of family that loves you, and we’re going to figure this out.”

“I love you, Mommy,” Eric whispered, touching the loose ends of her blonde hair.

“I love you, too,” Sami said, reaching for her mother’s hair on the other side. 

Marlena had considered cutting it since she’d returned to Salem, but Sami had called it mermaid hair, and Marlena had decided to keep it for awhile. Today it was pulled back from her face, but hung loosely down her back. Standing up she faced Shawn and Caroline. It was the first time she had seen Caroline since her return.

Caroline was surprised. Marlena’s hair hung in blonde waves down her back, and she’d never seen it that long. Marlena held herself with a silent strength, but underneath was a sadness that wasn’t there six years ago. Even without knowing the details, it was obvious that Marlena had suffered with Stefano. 

Marlena said to the twins, “Is there anything you want me to tell John?”

Sami said, “Can you tell Daddy, I love him?” 

“Me too! And can you tell him we miss him?” Eric added.

“I can do that,” Marlena replied softly, glancing back towards where John was standing with Diane. “I have to go handle some things, okay? I love you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sami and Eric sat in chairs, in the judges chamber with Diane Miller, Shawn Brady, and Roman’s lawyer. The judge had been very concerned after looking over the evidence provided by Diane, and wanted to speak with the children privately. Roman’s attorney had insisted he be present, with Diane agreeing, as long as she and Shawn were present. The judge complied. 

Diane smiled to herself, when Sami leaned over to Eric, and said, “This office is fancy.”

“I guess so,” Eric said with a shrug. “I want to go home.”

“Home with Mommy and Daddy?” Sami asked him.

“Yeah,” he said softly, and then they were both silent.

Judge Mills was incredibly concerned. She’d seen abuse cases before, and while Sami’s injuries had been minor, the bigger concern was Roman Brady’s neglect of the children, as well as the evidence of escalation. She sat behind her desk, and looked between the children, feeling only sadness. At eight years old they had already been though so much. She leaned forward, and said, “Hello Sami. Hello Eric. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Are you going to let us go home with our Mommy and our Daddy?” Sami asked.

“Well, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. When you say your Daddy, who do you mean?” Judge Mills asked her.

Eric said, “Our Daddy. John is our Daddy.”

“Ah, I see. If John is your Daddy, who is Roman?”

Sami was quiet for a moment, and then she whispered, “We don’t call him anything.”

“You don’t? How does that work?”

Eric said, “We just say ‘him’ most of the time.”

“Why do you do that?” Judge Mills wanted to know.

“He’s not our Daddy. He doesn’t kiss us, or hug us, or take care of us,” Eric replied.

Sami said, “He just yells a lot, but he won’t let us call him Roman…so we just—”

“—don’t call him anything,” Eric finished.

“Sami, I was wondering about when Roman hurt you. Can you tell me about that?”
Sami looked at her hands, saying softly, “He got mad, because I called John my Daddy, and he grabbed my arm. I said he was hurting me, ‘cause his fingers was pinching me, but…he kept yelling and saying he was my Daddy…but he’s not.”

“Has he done that before?” the judge asked. “Has he hurt you, or Eric before?”

“Yes,” Sami whispered.

“Did it leave marks?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember what happened?” 

“I was trying to make chocolate milk in the kitchen, and I dropped the milk on the floor,” Sami said. “It made the floor messy, and he hit me.”

“He hit you. How did he hit you?”

“In my face,” Sami said, starting to cry.

“That must have made you very sad,” Judge Mills said.

Eric whispered, “When he yells, it’s scary. Sometimes…I feel like I’m going to explode, and then I get sick…or I throw up.”

Judge Mills looked at them and said, “Who would you want to live with with, if I let you choose?”

Both children looked up at her expectantly, and Sami whispered, “My Mommy and My Daddy…with Avi.”

Eric said, “Me too.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Roman roared with outrage, two hours later, when Judge Mills gave full custody to Marlena, with no restrictions on John’s contact. “This are my fucking kids!” He yelled, standing up from his seat.

“Sit down, Mr. Brady!” Judge Mills said loudly. “Children are not property!”

“John Black can’t be trusted!”

“You and your attorney have failed to provide evidence to support that, while Ms. Miller has provided me with more than forty signed affidavits, as to his character. Some of which were from your own family,” Judge Mills said. “That being said, you will have supervised visitation with your children until the follow takes place: completion of a six week parenting class, mandatory anger management classes with appropriate documentation for no less than six months, and court ordered therapy no less than two hours per week for at least six months. If, at that time, you would like a review of the custody agreement, providing you have documentation, a review hearing will be scheduled.”

“You’re going to regret doing this,” Roman said.

“I seriously hope you’re not threatening me, Mr. Brady.”

Shawn stepped forward, “Roman, come on son. After ye calm down—”

“Don’t touch me, Pop! I don’t need anything from any of you,” Roman said loudly. “Always talking about family, and family sticks together. I don’t need more of your lies.”

“Family isn’t always blood,” Shawn said. “And Sami and Eric they know that better than most.”

Sami stood up at the back of the small courtroom, yelling loudly, “Do we get to live with our Daddy?”

“And Mommy and Avi?” Eric yelled.

Judge Mills smiled, and said, “Yes.”

John stood up and turned around. His eyes connected with Sami and then Eric, the twins nearly flew between the few scattered chairs, slamming their little bodies into him. Judge Mills knew she’d made the right decision when she overheard the conversation between Sami and John. 

Sami said, “I told G-d, if he let me be with you and Mommy and Avi, I would stop being bad at school, and apologize to Adam Tate for hitting him in the face with a basketball.”

“Samantha Gene! Why on earth did you hit him with a basketball?” John asked her.

“He said…he said you weren’t my Daddy, and I said shut up, and then he said I was a liar…”

“Yeah, Peanut, you should probably apologize,” John said. 

Chapter 20

Your breath fills my lungs

Your heart beats my blood

My breath fills your lungs…

John stood in the doorway watching Marlena as she sat on the floor, and stared into the flames of the fireplace, “The kids are asleep.” 

They’d had custody of the twins for two months, and Marlena had been free of Stefano for six. She seemed so content, so happy. She had continued therapy, and she had started venturing out more, but she still occasionally struggled with anxiety, and panic.

She smiled up at him, holding out her hand, “Come here.” John approached her, coming to stand beside her. Marlena looked up at him for a moment, and said, “I have to talk to you.”

Sliding to the floor beside her, John wrapped his arms around her, leaning back on the couch, “I love this part of the day.”

“This used to be my favorite part of the day, when we were married.”

“As soon as your divorce is final, Doc…I want to marry you.”

“I don’t want anything fancy. Maybe a service in the backyard, only the kids…and maybe Bo and Hope…Shawn D,” she said. “That’s sounds perfect.”

“Whatever you want,” he whispered.

Marlena didn’t know how to begin this conversation, it was so hard, and so painful. Even saying it out loud, felt like she was wrenching part of her soul into pieces, but she said, “I need to get this out, but it’s hard to say.” She paused, and John waited, because he loved her…because he respected her. She finally said, “I had three abortions when I was with Stefano. Three times in six years…that I…I killed my babies, because I couldn’t bear the thought, the idea of giving birth to a child of his. Maybe that makes me bad, that I couldn’t love those children. That I couldn’t imagine looking into their faces and being able to care for them, remembering the horror from which they came. He wouldn’t let me have birth control. He wouldn’t use condoms, but because I’m a doctor…he let me handle other medical things with him…with the staff. I knew which combination of drugs would cause my body to lose a pregnancy.”

“Doc, honey, you never should have been raped. I can see the guilt in your eyes…and baby, don’t do that. Don’t judge yourself for this,” he said softly.

“I never understood it, you know? I never understood why a woman would end a pregnancy, until I had to think about the idea of carrying him inside of me for nine months. I couldn’t do it. If I had been forced to do it…I think I might have killed myself, if not for Avi,” she said. “I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t want there to be secrets between us…”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing that happened to you, and nothing you did while you were with him…I don’t judge you, or love you less for any of it,” he said, lightly tilting her chin up, so that he could look into her eyes.

“I love you,” Marlena whispered.

“I love you. I adore you…Doc, you are my everything,” he whispered, kissing her softly.

“Touch my hair,” she said quietly.

He hesitated briefly, but lifted his hand, touching her head softly, and sliding down the length of her hair, “It’s so soft. You’ve always had beautiful hair, Doc.”

“After Avi was born, the first time Stefano…raped me, he held my hair in his fist, and he…”

“Doc, you don’t have to talk about this,” John said. “If you’re not ready.”

“I want to be with you. Now. Forever. In order for that to work, you need to know,” she said. “I wouldn’t have started the conversation if I wasn’t ready.” She looked back into the fireplace, and started speaking again, “He used my hair to control me. He used it to put me where he wanted me. He used it to hold me down. I was able to get a pair of scissors, after the first few times he assaulted me, and I cut my hair. Not a little. I cut it—I cut it all off, as close to my scalp as I could. You know, I thought if maybe I was ugly, he would leave me alone. He didn’t. He laughed at me. Called me an imbecile, I believe, and he made sure I never found another pair of scissors.”

John didn’t respond. He couldn’t respond, because the words that would fly from his mouth right then would have been no help to her. Pain, the kind that hits you deep in your soul, rolled through him at the thought of Marlena, so desperate to keep Stefano away from herself, that cut all of her hair off. The desperation she must have felt. The loneliness and the isolation…He listened, because, ultimately, that’s what she wanted, but John also knew that the end was coming for Stefano DiMera.

“My hair hasn’t been cut since then,” she said softly.

“Do you want to cut it?”

“I thought about it. I hated it…it reminded me of everything I hated from my time with Stefano, and then with one phrase, Sami changed my mind.”

“When she said you had mermaid hair?” John asked.

Smiling softly, Marlena whispered, “Yes. The innocence of an eight year old girl, made me look at my hair in a completely different light. I have mermaid hair, and she loved it.”

“She does.”

“Can you run your fingers through it?”

Moving to sit in front of her, John leaned forward, tracing his fingers over her face softly, and then lacing his fingers into her hair. Marlena shivered, leaning into his hands, and closed her eyes. “How does that feel, Doc?” John asked her, massaging his fingers into her scalp.

“Good…it feels good,” she sighed. “Can you tighten your fingers just a bit?”

“Yeah,” he said, feeling his cock twitch in his sweatpants.

“Do you remember…in Stockholm…”

“I do,” he groaned, feeling himself get harder just thinking about it. After rescuing her from Orpheus, and escaping through the tunnels, they had barely made it inside the hotel room, before John had spun her body around, slamming her against the door, and devouring her mouth. He remembered holding her in place by her neck, and later, threading his fingers through her hair, and pulling her head back to kiss her. It had been rough, wild, and uninhibited. 

“I want that,” she whispered. “I want us to have that again. I want to be unafraid.”

“Tell me how to help you,” he said, leaning closer, so that she felt his breath on her face.

“Kiss me like that. The way you did in Stockholm.”

“If you want me to stop, say red.”

“Okay.” 

Her eyes pleaded with him to stop talking, so John found himself closing the distance between them, and saying, “I love you.” His mouth pulled at her softly, as he increased the pressure of his fingers in her hair. His nails scraped over her scalp, as he used his grip on her hair to tilt her head, opening her mouth, and allowing his tongue to sweep in. He felt her gasp against his lips, and then she moaned.

“Tighter,” she whined, and John pulled at her hair harder, feeling his cock lengthen.

“You are so fucking amazing, Doc,” he murmured, pulling her head back roughly, and exposing her neck to his teeth. John bit at the soft flesh of her nape, and licked behind her ear, before biting at her ear lobe. “You are strong, beautiful, and absolutely amazing.”

“I want you so bad,” she whispered, her tongue sweeping over his. “I ache for you so much,” she said, her fingers lightly playing over his jaw. “I dream about you,” she continued, allowing her fingers to lace into his hair.

“Doc?”

“Please, John?” she asked him.

“Do you think you’re ready?”

“I want to try…I want to try with you.”

“Fuck, baby, you can try with me everyday,” he groaned into her mouth. John released her hair, and stood up, pulling her with him. “Bedroom. Now.”

Shivers raced through her body, and she simply nodded, following him as he led her by the hand towards the back of the house. Marlena watched with her eyes half-lidded, as he closed the door behind them, and locked it. She was already removing her clothes when he reached her, stopping her hands with his own, as he continued unbuttoning her shirt.

A sigh escaped her, when she felt his warm hands pushing the fabric from her shoulders and allowing it to drop to the floor. “I want to feel you,” she said softly, looking up at John.

He nearly tore his shirt off in his effort to get her hands on him. “If you want to stop, or if you get scared, say red. I’ll stop,” he said, staring into her eyes, even as she smoothed her small hands up his chest. “I’ll stop, Doc.”

“I’m not going to stop you,” she said.

“But if you change your mind,” he whispered, making sure she was looking at him and understood the seriousness of his intent.

“I know.”

Waiting a moment longer, checking for signs of nervousness and apprehension, and seeing none, John allowed his dominant side to come out, “Take your pants off, Doc.” His cock surged in his pants, watching her slowly slide her jeans over her rounded hips. “You make cotton panties, so fucking sexy,” he groaned, slowly sliding his finger along the elastic waistband. “The bra. Take it off.”

Marlena reached behind her, releasing the clasp, and allowed the bra to slip from her shoulders to the floor. She gasped sharply, when he reached out, cupping her breast with one hand. This was what she wanted. She wanted to John to love her body the way he used to. She wanted to lose herself in abandon without intrusive thoughts and memories, and she knew it was going to take time, but with John, the practice would be worth it. A sharp, aching, pain, shot straight to her pussy, when John pulled at her nipple. He was watching her, waiting for a response, and she whispered, “Harder.”

“Fuck, Doc,” he rasped, pulling her nipple up, and dropping her breast heavily.

“Oh, G-d!” she cried, feeling her arousal seeping into her panties. “Make love to me. Like you used to. Please?”

John continued to stare at her as he pushed his sweatpants to the floor stepping out of them. His cock bobbed, when he watched her lick her lips, and when she went to push her panties to the floor, he said, “Don’t. Leave them on, and get on the bed.” He watched her climb onto the bed, staring up at him, and he told her, “Spread your legs, baby.”

John crawled up from the bottom of the bed, and licked over the gusset to her panties, causing her to gasp, and reach for his hair. “Oh, G-d!” she cried.

He lapped his tongue along her inner thighs, getting closer and closer to her core, finally latching his mouth over her clit, through the cotton, and breathing hot air on her. The mewling sounds she was making, had him wanting to push her further. His tongue breached the edge of her panties, lapping inside at her pussy, and John nearly came right then, from her cries. “You taste so fucking good,” he groaned, licking over her panties and pushing on her clit with his tongue.

“John, please!” she cried. 

Her panties were soaked with a combination of John’s saliva and her own arousal. “Fuck,” he groaned. “You’re leaking through the fabric.” He latched onto her pussy again, sucking at the cotton, and then in desperation he wrapped his fingers into the gusset, jerking it to the side. John’s lips sucked her clit into his mouth and Marlena’s orgasm rocked her, while his mouth sucked and pulled at her for the duration.

“It’s not enough,” she said desperately, rolling her hips. “It’s not enough.”

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, kissing his way up her body. Fisting his hand in her panties, he pulled them roughly down her legs, baring her naked flesh to the moonlight that streamed in through the window. He licked over her breasts, sucking deeply, and then he looked at her saying, “I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

“Make love to me…please,” she begged him, her eyes wide and pleading.

“Do you want to ride me? To have more control?”
“No. No, no…I want to feel you…please, I need to feel you. Your weight on me…”

With his hand on her thigh he pushed her legs wide, staring at her pussy. His head dipped down, and his tongue lapped over her again, sucking and biting at her flesh. She felt the heat of his breath rush over her clit, when he moaned, “I could do this forever.”

“John! Please!” she cried, aching so deeply that she thought she might die from it.

Rising up over her, John lifted her thigh, pushing it back, and slid effortlessly into her, groaning, “So fucking hot…and wet…”

Marlena felt like she had died, and gone to heaven, “Move. John, I need you to move.”

“If I move right now, Doc, I won’t last,” he rasped against her neck, trying to calm his body down.

She rolled her hips, with a smile on her face, and bit his ear, whispering, “Move.”

“Fuck, baby…anything—anything for you,” he whispered, pulling out slowly, and sliding back in slower. His hips picked up a rhythm older than time, and Marlena clung to him, begging for more. “I love you, Doc. I love you. I love you,” he groaned. Marlena started coming, her muscles squeezing and pulling at his cock, and John followed her into the abyss. 

They held each other, coming down from the edge of bliss, and John realized they hadn’t used  protection. They hadn’t even discussed it, and he was wracked with guilt. After everything she had been through, he hadn’t even considered it, “Doc…I…we…we didn’t talk about condoms, or birth control.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“I feel like I should have done that. I’ve spent the last six months building trust, and having your consent for everything…because I want you to know that you matter, and then I do this!”

“John, I love you for that, and I thought about it…I did. Then I disregarded it, because if I were to get pregnant…G-d, another baby with you would make me so happy,” she said.

He smiled into her hair, holding her against him, “Another baby with you would be pretty amazing.”

Chapter 21

I was scared when you came into my room

The walls became the sea, your voice was the moon

John’s quick business trip to St. Louis was actually a trip to New Orleans. He stood next to Stefano’s bed, in the plantation home named Maison Blanche, and he watched the old man sleep. John’s memories of Stefano were muted. He couldn’t differentiate between which ones were his, and which ones were Roman’s, and since Roman wasn’t willing to discuss anything with John, he knew, he likely never would. Stefano DiMera was older than what John remembered, and larger. The ability to sleep peacefully in his own bed, when countless people had suffered at his hands…seemed unfair. 

The house was silent in the dark of the night. John had disengaged the security system, and crept through a home that felt more familiar than it should. He’d passed a hidden panel near the stairs, and had a flash of memory. John knew he’d been here before. Looking at the man he hated more than anyone in existence, he leaned forward, and nudged the bed roughly, jostling Stefano. His eyes opened, slowly, seemingly disoriented, as he looked around the darkened room. When he realized who was standing next to him, his eyes widened.

“Hey, old man,” John whispered near his ear. Stefano could barely see John standing there in the shadows. “I imagine you’re pretty scared right now. You can’t speak, you can’t move. Hell, you can’t even breath on your own. The amount of insulin Doc injected you with should have killed you. What’s keeping you alive right now? All these machines?” John said dismissively, walking around Stefano’s room casually. 

He said, “You know, Doc’s been in therapy for nearly eight months, because of what you did to her.” Stepping towards all of the devices Stefano was hooked to, John looked over them slowly, and then unplugged the monitor that would sound if Stefano stopped breathing. He turned to Stefano smiling, “You know, I should probably thank you…for giving me the skills to kill you. I learned a lot. How to break into places with high level security systems, how to cover my tracks.” Waving his gloved fingers at the man lying prone in the bed before him, John said, “Gloves. Always important. Don’t you think?”

Stefano watched him in terror. John had unplugged one of the monitors. He grunted loudly, unable to do more. He was growing more, and more agitated, and John soaked it up like sunshine after a long winter. John studied Stefano, hissing loudly, “You raped her, you fucking son of a bitch! You beat her. She gave herself three abortions to prevent herself from having to carry your fucking child!”

Stefano’s eyes widened, and John saw the rage that was reflected. “I hold her at night when the nightmares wake her. When she screams for me not to touch her, as she’s coming back to reality. She ended those pregnancies because the thought of carrying your child to term made her suicidal. She knew what you would do, so she took the opportunity away from you.” John could see the seething anger in the old man’s eyes, and he said softly, “That bothers you? Does it fucking piss you off? Six years, you sadistic bastard. Six fucking years, and did you think I would do nothing?” 

Walking over to the electrical strip along the baseboard, John looked at him, and said, “If you thought I would stand by, and allow you to live after what you’ve done, you’re fucking insane.” John leaned down, and flipped the switch on the surge protector, smiling to himself, and listening as Stefano’s ventilator hissed one last time. John leaned even closer, as Stefano’s eyes bulged, and started to water. He was suffocating. Unable to take a breath on his own, he was going to suffocate, and be fully cognizant of his own demise. 

John continued talking while the man in the bed slowly died, “I could have killed you much more violently, I suppose, but it needed to be done this way. I needed to see the panic and the fear in your eyes. I needed to tell you to your fucking face why you were dying.” Stefano’s body convulsed, struggling to get air, but his muscles were failing him. His eyes bulged, and watered, but John wasn’t phased by any of it. 

John said, “Watching you struggle. Watching the panic in your eyes…my soul will feed off of that for the rest of my life, while you’re fucking burning in hell, old man. I told Doc, months ago, that I was going to kill you. You know what she said? She told me, ‘Good’. That’s telling, don’t you think? After six years of forcing yourself on her, pulling her fucking hair, choking her…you still didn’t manage to break her. You will never fucking break her.”

Stefano’s eyes rolled back, and John noticed spittle coming from the corner of his mouth. When his body finally stopped convulsing, and John noted purple mottled bruises appearing beneath the skin on Stefano’s face, he was satisfied. Before he left the room, he said, “Burn in hell, Shredder.”

A couple hours later Stefano’s daughter, Kristen, found her father murdered in his bed. His monitor had been unplugged, and the surge protector switched off, which meant the power supply to the ventilator had been cut off. It was obviously murder, but Stefano had so many enemies, it could have been anyone. Instead of calling the police, she reported it to the ISA officer stationed outside her home. Maybe they could figure out how it happened, since they were supposed to be watching the house.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John arrived home around 6:30 in the morning. Marlena was asleep in the bed, her face peaceful and serene, her blonde hair scattered about her on her pillow. He showered, and slid into bed beside her, and she opened her eyes, staring into his dark blue ones, saying, “You did it, didn’t you? It wasn’t a business trip.”

He couldn’t lie to her. He wouldn’t lie to her. John said, “He’s dead.”

Marlena stared crying, like a dam had been opened, and the floods had begun, “He’s gone? You—you promise?”

“Doc, I—I fucking watched him die…and I enjoyed every fucking minute of it,” John said softly, refusing to make eye contact. He wasn’t ashamed of killing Stefano, but he was afraid she would think of him differently.

“John,” she whispered. “Honey? Can you look at me?” His eyes lifted to meet hers and she said, “You’re sure he’s dead?”

“I waited, for over an hour afterwards…until his skin started to mottle. He’s dead, Doc.”

“I’m glad. I’m…you told me you would…and I’m glad…”

The telephone rang, and John answered it quickly, hoping that it wouldn’t wake the children, “Hello?”

“John? It’s Shane.”

“Hey, Shane,” John said looking at Marlena.

“I’m calling because Stefano was found dead about a half hour ago.”

“Good,” John replied.

“I need to know your whereabouts last night,” Shane said. “I have to ask, because Stefano was murdered.”

John sighed, and began reciting his alibi. “I had a business meeting in St. Louis, and a dinner that ran late. You can check my flight plan, and my dinner reservations. You can even question my dinner companion if you’d like,” John said.

“No. No, that won’t be necessary, although I’m fairly certain you’re lying to me,” Shane said.

“Like I said, Shane, you can check—”

“No. I’m going to…I’m going to let this go…” Shane said. He knew that John had something to do with Stefano’s murder. John had probably committed it himself, but Shane wasn’t going to push the issue. Instead he said, “Tell Avi that Donatello says hello.”

As John hung up the phone, he smiled to himself. Shane knew he had something to do with Stefano’s death, but he wasn’t going to pursue it. The world was better off without Stefano DiMera. He turned back to Marlena, snuggling into the bed, and pulling her against him.

“He wanted to know if you did it, didn’t he?” Marlena asked him softly, laying her hand on John’s chest.

“He did…and I don’t think he believed my alibi, but, I also don’t think he’s going to pursue it, either,” John said. “I missed you.”

Marlena smiled against his neck, “You weren’t even gone a full day.”

“It felt like a week,” he said. “Do you think of me differently?”

“No…no, I don’t,” she said. “I couldn’t do it myself. Even though I would daydream about being able to kill him. I would fantasize about how I would do it, but I couldn’t. I don’t think I have it in me, and that’s not to assume that you do…but I don’t judge you for doing something I was too weak to do myself.”

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” she whispered back, and then she added, “I think I might be pregnant.”

John sat up quickly, causing her to laugh, and looking at her, “Really?”

“I think so,” she said. “And, I hope so.”

“So, are you going to marry me now…or what, Pretty Lady?”

“I’ll marry you now.”

“Next week?”

“Next week,” she replied with a smile. “I’ll marry you next week.”

Chapter 22

Oh, when you rocked me in your arms

Be with me

On a warm spring day in early May, John stood on the beach, and stared into the eyes of the most beautiful woman he had ever known. He pledged to love her for the rest of their lives. Marlena’s belly was rounded with their child, and they were surrounded by Eric, Sami, Carrie, Avi, Bo, Hope, and Shawn D. Marlena hadn’t wanted anyone else there, and to her, their small gathering was nothing less than perfect. Even though the baby was due in a few weeks, they had returned to the house in Seabrook, Washington. The place held memories for them, both sad and wonderful, and to Marlena, it was a special place. She felt like when John rescued them from Stefano, nearly a year and a half ago, her life started anew, right in that house, and when she married him, she wanted to start there as well. 

That evening, after the children were asleep, Marlena sat on the beach with John, wrapped in his arms, and she said, “I think it’s a girl.”

“Do you? What if is it’s a boy?”

“I’ll be surprised,” she said with a light laugh. “You know we’re getting kind of close to the date, and we haven’t seriously discussed names yet.”

“Have you been thinking about it?” he asked her.

“I have, a little,” she said. “I like the name Oscar or maybe Aaron for a boy, but for a girl…I—” Marlena stopped speaking for a moment, and then she said, “When I was with Stefano, I read a lot. I was having trouble reconciling my faith with what G-d had allowed to be my existence. I named Avi for Abe, because we both love Abe, but Abraham also means “father of nations”. It’s a strong name. A name with a purpose, and even his nickname, Avi, is a reference to you, because it means ‘my father’.” Sitting up, she turned to face him, and said, “I still have my faith, but I found strength in understanding it in different forms. I found appreciation for individuals in the Bible that I had never considered before. Women who were strong, like Dinah, and Serida. Esther was one of those women.”

“You want to name the baby Esther?”

“No,” she said laughing again. “Esther was the name she took when she was made queen. It wasn’t her name. Her name was Hadassah…it means peace, and love.”

John whispered, “Hadassah…it’s a beautiful name, but a mouthful.”

“So is Abraham. I’d want to call her Dasha.”

John had a feeling, deep in his gut, in the instant she said it. A feeling that Marlena was right, and their baby was a girl…and her name would be Dasha. He smiled at her, and said, “Have you thought about a middle name?”

“Hope. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, but the middle name will be Hope,” she said firmly. “I won’t change my mind on that. When Hope arrived in San Cristobal, I’d already been there for four years. I was destroyed, and the only thing I lived for was Avi. She changed everything, John. Her name is Hope…and she brought me hope. She force fed me hope.”

“I like Oscar, and I like Dasha, but my gut is telling me, you’re right, Doc. I can feel it. I felt it in my soul, when you said we would call her Dasha. It’s beautiful,” he said, placing his palms on her rounded belly. 

Marlena sat back down, leaning into John’s arms again, and she whispered, “I wish I could stay here forever. I wish we could raise our family here.”

He was quiet for a moment, and then said, “We could…if you wanted.”

Marlena turned slightly, in his arms, looking at him in awe, “What?”

“I own the house,” he said shyly. “I bought it before we brought you here.”

“You never said…” she told him.

“It wasn’t important at the time,” John said. “It was the perfect house. The owners weren’t willing to rent it, so I bought it.”

“It’s our house?”

“Yes, Doc. It’s our house…and if you want to live here, we can. I can work from anywhere.”

Tears filled her eyes, and she smiled, “Really? You wouldn’t mind moving away from Salem?”

“There is nothing holding me there, except you and the children. I will live my life in bliss, living wherever you are,” John said, kissing her lips softly. She lit up, from the inside out, and John realized that living near Roman, and living in Salem, where so many horrible memories resided, wasn’t good for her. “School ends in two weeks, Doc. It would be an easy transition. The twins are nine. Avi is only six.”

“But Roman…”

“Roman has made no attempt to even begin on the judges list of requirements to review custody. I don’t think he will,” John said softly. “Until he does, we need to do what’s best for them…what’s best for you.”

“They love it here don’t they?”

“They do, and we have enough room. Even for Carrie, if she decides to come, you know we do,” John said, feeling excited at the prospect of a new start. “If you wanted to start practicing psychiatry—”

“—I don’t,” she said quickly, leaning back on him again, and watching the moonlight reflect on the ocean waves as they beat against the shore. “I don’t…I’m doing better, but I’ll never be able to practice psychiatry. My own experiences, and my own memories are enough right now, I know my limitations, John…and I’m not able to do that.”

“You don’t need to do that. You can do whatever you want, baby. Whatever you want, and I’ll support that.”

Getting to her knees awkwardly, Marlena leaned towards John, saying, “I want you to know how much you mean to me, how much I love you. You saved my life, you know. Stefano was about to ship Avi off to a boarding school, and I know…I know, I never would have seen him again, and what would I have had to live for at that point? You saved me, and when you had me…you saved me again, just by loving me.”

“Doc, when I heard your voice that night, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. I snatched up the telephone so fast, and when I realized that it was you…I would have done anything, anything, to get to you,” John said, stroking her face. “Come here, pretty lady,” he said with a laugh, as he wrapped his arms around her and rolled them onto the blanket. “I am so fucking lucky to get a second chance with you, Mrs. Black.”

“I’m your wife,” she whispered, almost in wonder.

“That’s a fact,” he told her. “You’re my wife…and I think I want to go home and make love to my wife.”

“I’m huge,” she said with a laugh.

“You’re fucking sexy as hell, that’s what you are!” John kissed her deeply, allowing his tongue to slide over hers slowly.

Marlena moaned, low in her throat, and went to wrap her arms around John’s neck, when she felt a pop, and wetness in her panties. “John?”

“Mmmm…yeah, baby?”

“My water just broke,” she laughed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bo and Hope had been in charge of trying to figure out how to get four small children, and a teenager to the hospital the next day. They rented a van that could seat twelve. No one had even thought to plan for the baby to be born in Washington. They had no clothes, no baby supplies, and no car seat. With all of the children in tow, the adults had made a mad dash to the store the following morning, buying up everything they could think of that would be suitable for any gender, and then everyone had gone to the hospital, arriving barely thirty minutes after Hadassah Hope Black entered the world, at nearly nine pounds. 

Marlena held her baby in her arms and marveled at Dasha. She looked identical to Avi with dark blue eyes, and black curls. Her round face studied everything, as she took in her surroundings. John had been concerned when she hadn’t cried at birth, simply gazing about with wide eyes. 

The doctor wasn’t concerned at all. Dr. Seiden had laughed, and told John, “Not all babies cry at birth.”

He sat beside Marlena, and watched her with their daughter. Marlena looked up at him, and said, “It’s like she’s been waiting for me. Waiting for me to be ready to have her, and now she’s here.”

Slightly confused, he said, “Doc?”

“I had a dream once, and a little girl told me, ‘When you’re ready, I’ll be there’…and here she is. I know it sounds far fetched—”

“It doesn’t. It really doesn’t,” he said, feeling a tear escape his eye. This baby, their Dasha, was the culmination of their reunion. She had simply been waiting until the time was right, and Marlena needed that knowledge to heal. He’d felt it earlier, on the beach, when Marlena had said her name. He’d felt it. This was perfect, and this was right.

A nurse knocked on the door, and said, “You have a whole troop of people here to see you. Are you up for visitors?”

“Yes. Yes, yes,” Marlena said with a huge smile. She was exhausted, and she would need some sleep soon, but right now, she needed to share this joy with the people she loved. As everyone filed in, she couldn’t get over the joy that filled her up. Every corner, every nook and cranny where sadness used to make its home, was filled with contentment, and happiness. A year and a half ago, she was barely eking out an existence, dying slowly everyday. She couldn’t have imagined a day like today. “Come and see your little sister.”

“Another girl?” Eric asked. “Avi and I were hoping for a brother, but that’s okay…girls aren’t too bad.”

“I like girls, okay,” Avi said, climbing up onto the foot of the bed. “They smell good sometimes.”

“I got a sister?” Sami said softly, edging towards the bed slowly. “Can I see her? Daddy, can you lift me up?”

“Come here, Peanut,” John said, scooping her up into his arms. “Meet your sister, Hadassah Hope Black.”

“Habassa?” Shawn asked.

Hope started laughing, and said, “Hadassah, but if I remember correctly, Marlena told me once her daughter would be Dasha.”

Marlena started crying, as she looked at Hope, “You remember that?”

“I remember everything, and you were right. You said she would come some day, and she’s beautiful,” Hope said, stepping closer.

“She is,” Bo said. “She looks just like Avi and John…except girlier.”

Dasha continued to stare around the room with wide eyes, and Hope said, “Carrie and I ran out to the store and got some things. None of us were prepared for this little one to come so soon.”

“I got her something, too!” Avi said, bouncing slightly. “Me and Eric picked it out, and Sami got something, too.”

“Oh! Let me see,” Marlena said excitedly. Eric rummaged around in a shopping bag, and pulled out a grey onesie. He slid up on the bed next to Avi, and handed it to his mother, pride shining on his little face. Marlena nearly burst into fits of laughter when she saw silk screened Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on it with the words ‘Cowabunga Dude!’ scrawled underneath. She smiled at them, and said, “I love it!”

John did laugh, and said loudly. “I see we’re sticking to brand, huh guys?”

“Me next! Me next!” Sami said, wiggling out of John’s arms, and running to rummage through the shopping bag for the second time. When she returned, she held in her hands the softest, fluffiest, pink blanket Marlena had ever seen. “It’s really warm and really soft, and I told Carrie, if they made big ones, for big kids I would want one.”

“Sami, it’s beautiful,” Marlena said. “Do you want to lay it out on my lap, and help me wrap her in it?”

Sami suddenly seemed nervous, and she said, “Yes.”

After wrapping Dasha in the blanket, the baby yawned, and then Marlena yawned as well. John knew she was tired. She’d been in labor all night. He looked around the room, and said, “I think your Mama needs some sleep, so you guys should head out, but tomorrow, we’re bringing this little one home, and it’s bottles, diapers, and sleepless nights. Who’s ready?”

“Baby’s don’t sleep?” Avi asked.

“I’m not touching any diapers,” Eric said.

“Can I help feed her?” Sami asked.

“I’m sure glad that ain’t my baby,” Shawn D said loudly.

Chapter 22 – Epilogue

I will let you breathe through me

I will let you

I will let you

I will let you

I…

Marlena stood over the table with her paint brush in her hand, and simultaneously looked over the chaos that was her living area, and then to her painting. Most of her paintings were chaotic representations of emotions and life. When she had first started painting, it was a whim. Something she’d read about years earlier as a therapeutic option, but the idea kept coming to her. She’d needed something to calm her rampant mind. John had been more than willing to get her set up in a corner of their large kitchen, near the floor to ceiling windows, and she started painting. What she felt, the color, the passion, all of it was translated onto paper. Watercolor allowed her to manipulate what was happening in her mind. Muted colors versus full vibrancy spread across heavy weight art paper. The first year or so, she simply collected them in a corner, not willing to throw them away, but not sure what to do with them. Everything changed when she had gifted one to Dr. Vellanki. 

In ten years since, she’d had three shows at a local gallery. Marlena could separate her mind into two time periods. Prior to her time with Stefano, Marlena could say that she never understood the abstract. It wasn’t concrete enough. Everything in her life needed to be structured, settled, and coordinated. Paintings need to be realistic, and detailed for her to truly enjoy them and appreciate the work that went into them. After six years of intense abuse and trauma, chaos no longer scared her. Sometimes she reveled in it, and it came out in watercolors that sold for hundreds of dollars to people who appreciated her form of abstract, colorful, chaos.

Looking in front of the fireplace again, Marlena realized that if the legos were not picked up off the floor, she would step on one. Or John would step on one. “Dasha!” she yelled from where she stood. “Dasha, honey, come here please.”

Dasha ran into the house from the deck wearing overalls that were rolled to the knee and carrying a large book, “Mama?”

“Do you know where everyone else is? I seem to have lost track of everyone,” Marlena said absently.

“Sometimes when you paint, we say things, just to see if you react,” the little girl said with a laugh.

Marlena stared at her blankly, “I can only imagine. So what did I miss?”

“Eric and Avi went to the comic book store. Sami was trying to play with Oscar and Aaron, but those two are insane, so she took them to the beach and told me she hopes they run until they pass out. I’m outside reading,” Dasha said, accounting for every member of their household, except for her father who was at work.

Dasha’s hair was wild, loose strands of dark curls framing her face, and her cheeks were pink from the sun and the wind. Marlena said, “Your ponytail is crooked.”

“So is yours,” the child laughed, noting her mothers wild blonde halo, and her sagging ponytail.

Marlena smiled. Her life was the best form of chaos, and seventeen years ago, this type of life might have literally made her crazy. Carrie had mentioned it several times. The girl marveled at it the change in Marlena. John embraced it, jokingly saying, “I always thought you acted like you had a stick up your ass.”

“So the lego mess belongs to a set of six year old twins, and Sami,” Marlena mumbled. Placing her paintbrush in the glass of water, and wiping her hands on her pants, Marlena said, “I’m not surprised. Help me clean up?” 

Dasha dog-eared her book, and placed it on the table next to her mother’s latest painting, “It’s really beautiful, Mama. What were you thinking about? It must have been nice.”

“Years ago,” Marlena said softly, touching her daughter’s face. “I had a dream. In it, a little girl, who looked exactly like you gave me a message. A message of faith, and love, and patience. I was thinking of you.”

Dasha loved her mothers words. Marlena could weave a picture with her words that would have Dasha in another world as she closed her eyes and imagined it. She was able to do the same thing when she read books, imagine a world completely from the one she lived in. “Okay, I’ll help you clean up, but then I want four hours of uninterrupted reading,” Dasha said seriously.

“Four hours!” Marlena said in shock. “What are you reading?”

“Dad picked it up for me yesterday, as a surprise…Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.”

Dasha went through books like no other child Marlena had ever known. “Why don’t you tell me about the book while we clean up?”

Dasha looked so excited that she might explode, “Voldemort’s back! He came back at the end of the last book when he kidnapped Harry and chopped off Peter Pettigrew’s hand…”

Marlena stared at her for a second, and said, “Oh, my…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena looked up from the stove when John walked into the house, and she said, “Do you think I can cook now because I’m not so uptight?”

John started laughing. “You still can’t cook without a recipe, Doc, but I think,” he said coming to stand behind her, and kiss her neck, “that you have less going on in your mind. Maybe you have fewer expectations, and therefore you’re more relaxed.”

“Huh,” she said, stirring the chili in front of her. 

“Doc, you carried the weight of the world on your shoulders, even before Orpheus took you, and then Stefano got his hands on you. How could you worry about cooking when you were being stalked, and Renee was killed, Sam died…no, I think you couldn’t cook, because it simply wasn’t a priority, and that never bothered me. I can’t cook either,” he told her with a laugh.

Tipping her face up to his, she kissed him softly, “You always know how to say the perfect thing.”

“Don’t lie to me, Doc. I pissed you off pretty badly that time I said you had a stick up your ass.”

“Oh! I wanted to strangle you…but, there was truth to it. I was so scared of letting go, that I had to control everything to feel safe. Six years of never being safe…forces you to realize that you have no control…”

“But you do,” he whispered, turning her to look at him.

“I know that now, but it’s different, and I don’t have the words to explain it…I just had to let go in order to heal.”

Kissing her softly, he brushed the hair from her forehead, and smiled at her haphazard ponytail. So different from the woman she used to be, but still the most perfect person for him. John said softly, “I don’t need words, Doc. I feel it. I understand you like the other half of my soul.”

The oven timer went off, and Marlena said, “Ah, time to call the beasts to dinner.”

John handed her the oven mitt, and stared at her ass while she took cornbread out of the oven. Turning away quickly, he went to the entry to the hallway and yelled, “Dinner!”

Marlena was putting plates on the counter when six of their children started scrambling from multiple locations in the house. What had been previously silent and serene, became loud, full of laughter, and joking. It only improved when Carrie stepped in the front door, pulling her boyfriend behind her, and said “Dinner! I timed it perfectly.”