Going Back Again
She slept fitfully on the plane that winter’s evening, visions of her mother invading her mind. In her dreams, her mother was alive, standing before her on her wedding day, looking as beautiful as the young woman ever remembered. There was something different about her though, a renewed sparkle in her eyes, a new style to her smile, something that just seemed different from all other times. And as her mother reached out to touch her, her hand went through the woman’s body, nothing but a ghost, a reminder of the past.
Isabella Black woke with a start, only to find herself aboard the same plane in which she was conceived, a plane that held so many memories for both herself and her family. She looked out the window, attempting to slow her breathing, unable to see anything out in the dark world but the image of her mother, still fresh from her dreams.
The phone beside her rang and she reached for it, thrilled for the distraction.
“Hello?”
“Hi baby.”
Belle smiled, curling her feet underneath her. “Hi dad,” she said, warmly. “How are you?”
“Anxious. When does your plane get in?”
Belle looked down at her watch. “I’m still on European time. I think it should only be another hour or so. You know, dad, you don’t have to pick me up. I could just take a cab home or something, it’s late.”
On the other end of the phone, John Black laughed. “Sweetheart, you’ve been in Europe for a year. Of course I’m coming to pick you up. I would have flown the plane myself except I had a merger this morning.”
“If you had flown the plane, you would’ve ended up in Italy in about fifteen days,” Belle teased.
“I love you,” John laughed.
“I love you too. I’ll see you soon.”
In the Penthouse he had once shared with his wife, John Black hung up the phone. He walked out onto the balcony, the cold air nipping at his skin and he let out a large sigh, sitting down on a chair he had placed out there only days after Marlena had died. He had done it to get closer to her thinking that somehow the more stars he saw the more comfort he had that she was safe somewhere above. He couldn’t explain his reasoning for believing nor did he want too. He missed Marlena every day, even ten years after she deceased, and having his daughter finally come home after spending a year working in Europe elated him. She was her mother’s daughter in every sense of the word and although John loved all of his children, Belle would always hold a special place in his heart. A mix of her mother’s stubbornness with enough wit to make it adorable and her father’s courage, Isabella Black was everything John could have wanted in a daughter, not to mention the uncanny resemblance she held to her mother. It sometimes pained John to look at her. To see her from behind, the same body, the same hair, to hear her laugh, it was like Marlena was right beside him, where he knew she always belonged.
John looked up into the dark abiding sky sending a silent prayer to both of his wives that had died way to early in life. Shivering from the cold, John quickly stepped inside, grabbing his car keys off the table, wanting nothing more than to welcome his youngest child home.
“Miss Black, we’ll be landing in a few minutes,” Rich, her father’s pilot, spoke into the phone.
“Thanks a lot, Rich. I appreciate it.”
Belle hung up the phone, watching her home come into view. She could the pier from where they were, a place that held so many memories for both her parents and herself. It was a place of reconciliation, a place of lost love found once more. She could also see the seventeen story building in which she had lived almost all of her life. Her dream began to haunt her mind and Belle took a long sip of water as the plane landed, not wanting to think about her mother at the moment. She could see her father’s Jeep parked in the empty runaway and she smiled, gathering her belongings. And the moment she stepped off the plane, she was in her father’s arms, a place that held so much comfort that she almost regretted leaving.
“God, I missed you,” Belle whispered, standing on her tiptoes to reach her father’s height. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, breathing in the scent that she would always associate with home.
John leaned back from the embrace glancing at his daughter with such love in his eyes. He pushed a strand of golden hair behind her ears, not bothering to hide the tears that began to pool his eyes.
“You look so much like her.”
Belle didn’t answer him, she couldn’t. Instead she grabbed some of her bags as she began to walk to John’s car. And when they got inside and the radio was on, Belle knew she couldn’t hide from her mother’s memory. Not tonight. As her parent’s wedding song played in the car like stale air, Belle grabbed her father’s spare hand as he pulled out of the airport.
“Should I even bother asking?”
“I’m fine,” John said, firmly, glancing at Belle.
“It’s me, Dad. I might have been gone for a year, but I still know you better than I know anyone else. You’re not fine.”
“It’s a hard day, sweetheart. For all of us.”
Belle nodded her head, not knowing what else to say. She knew her father wouldn’t admit how much he was truly hurting. He believed that by hiding emotions, he would spare everyone else the pain of thinking of Marlena as much as he did. But Belle knew she couldn’t push her father. Not when it came to the woman who had once been his whole life.
“So, how was everything in Europe? I’m surprised Jamie didn’t come back with you.”
“He wanted too, but he had a few last minute business deals. He’ll be in tomorrow morning.” Belle paused for a moment, allowing the song to end and when it did, she turned down the radio. “Dad? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
John stopped at a red light and turned towards his daughter, concern in his eyes. “You’re not … are you …”
“No!” Belle said, quickly. “I’m not pregnant.” She could see the fear fade from her father’s face and she almost had to laugh. He really did see her as his little girl. “But I don’t think you’re going to like this much better.”
“What is it?”
“Dad, one of the reasons Jamie and I left Europe as you know is because we wanted to get married here and settle down here. But there was a bigger reason, one that I’m not so sure you’ll be happy about. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I want to quit Basic Black.”
Relief washed over John’s face and he exhaled a large breath. “That’s it? You want to get out of the fashion department? Honey, why would that–”
Belle held her up hand, not allowing him to finish. “I never truly loved working for Basic Black but I did because I knew deep down it was what you wanted. I loved Europe and I am grateful for every experience I had out there, but it’s not what I want to do. I’ve decided to go to the academy. I want to be a cop, Dad.”
John stopped short in the middle of a deserted road in Salem, pulling off to the side. Belle grimaced knowing her father all too well. He turned to her, gripping her steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white.
“No!”
“I’m twenty eight, Dad. I’m old enough to make my own career decisions. Besides, you were a cop for a while. So was Uncle Abe, Uncle Bo, Uncle Roman … the entire family was.”
“Exactly, so I know how dangerous it is. Isabella, Roman was shot while he was on duty. He was killed because someone he was investigating didn’t like the pressure. I’ve lost too many people in my life. I refuse to lose you too.”
“I’m stronger than you sometimes want to believe,” she said, softly. “I want to help people, Dad. I think I’d make an amazing cop. I learned from the best.”
To this, John couldn’t help but smile. He reached out and squeezed his daughter’s hand tightly, starting up the car again. “Thank you. But I still don’t want you being a cop.”
Belle let out a large sigh, knowing now wasn’t the time to argue. She had the rest of her life for that. She glanced out the window and up into the stars, almost able to see her mother’s smiling face glancing down at her. With a few stray tears in her eyes, Belle made the radio louder thankful to be home, but knowing Salem would never be the same without the constant support of her mother.
Livin On A Prayer
Up in the clouds, a home so far from where she had come from, Marlena Evans-Black sat outside God’s chambers awaiting a meeting with the man who had taken her away from her family before her time. She had been a bit angry when she had first arrived in Heaven but after some getting used to she realized that there was a time and a place for everything. She had spent the past ten years granting miracles to those who still remained on earth, especially her family. She had helped John pick himself up after her death, teaching him to move on and to live another day despite the pain she knew he still felt. She had taken care of her family the same way she had while she was on earth: always.
The doors opened and Jennifer, God’s secretary, stepped out. Marlena stood, taking in a deep breath. She wasn’t sure why He had wanted to see her. She had been taking care of all the business that she was supposed too and she just hoped she somehow hadn’t angered him. Marlena walked into God’s office, taking a seat on a cloud across from his desk. The office was empty and Marlena sent a quick prayer up to … well … she never did know who she was praying to these days.
Marlena leaned back on the cloud, the door in front of her opening. She opened her eyes and saw God, a smirk on his face.
“You still have no idea who you’re praying to when you’re in my presence do you?” He teased.
Marlena cracked a smile. “No, I guess I don’t.” God sat down across from her, raising the lever on his cloud. “So,” Marlena said, “am I in trouble?”
“No, quite the opposite actually. I have a proposition for you.”
“That sounds interesting.”
“As you know, you are one of my prize possessions up here, Marlena. I tend to do special things for the people who are good to me. Like when your step-son’s ex girlfriend was sick with cancer, I allowed Isabella to appear to him as some sort of comfort.”
“Is someone in my family sick that I don’t know about?”
“No, everyone in your family is fine. Marlena, how hard do you listen to the prayers of your loved ones?”
Marlena smiled. “Quite hard.”
“Then I’m sure you know that as strong as your daughter Isabella is, she still wants you at her wedding.”
“So you’re going to let me appear to her?” Marlena asked, confused.
“I’m going to give you one better. I’m going to allow you back on earth.” Marlena gasped, her hand flying to her mouth, as God smiled. “Shocking, I know. If you accept, however, there are ground rules. Rule number one is that as much as you love your former husband, you cannot go back to him. He’s engaged, an engagement which you helped set up, and you can’t mess with that. Rule number two is that if you leave, you can’t come back. There are only two rules, Marlena, however, if you break either of them there will be dire consequences.”
Marlena sat there shocked. She couldn’t fully comprehend what God was saying and she took a deep breath, her head spinning.
“This is all a little too much. I’m sorry, I’m just … I’m speechless.”
God nodded. “I understand. You have twenty-four hours to think about this. If you decide to go, say goodbye to anyone that you need to and come back here. If you don’t, well everything will remain the same.”
Marlena nodded, standing up. She stared at the man who had created the world, who had created her husband, her family, her life, and she smiled. “Thank you,” she mouthed.
Marlena turned around, knowing there were a couple of people she needed to speak to before making what was probably the hardest decision of her life.
**
Brady Black entered the home he once lived in, shaking off the snow that had already begun to fall. It was only seven but Brady knew that if he didn’t catch his sister while she was still asleep, he wouldn’t until later on that evening. He could already smell Belle’s perfume, Shalimar, a reminder that while Marlena might have been gone, reminders of her always remained. He walked up the stairs and stood in the doorway of his sister’s former bedroom for a moment.
Isabella Black laid haphazardly across her bed buried underneath her down comforter. One arm hung off the side of the bed while the other reached across her forehead. Her blonde hair fell loosely out of her ponytail and Brady smiled, taking a step closer to the bed. He leaned down so his lips were touching the base of his sister’s ear.
“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Tink. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”
Belle rolled over in bed, a smile gracing her lips, not bothering to open her eyes. “First star on the right.”
“And straight on till morning,” Brady whispered.
Belle opened her eyes and sat up in bed, throwing her arms around her older brother. Aside from her father and of course her fiancée, Brady had always been the most important male in her life. Though in Europe for the past year, she spent most of her free cell phone minutes on the phone with him always telling him about the newest encounter she had experienced or even how much she missed him. He was her savior. He always had been.
Brady leaned back from the hug, taking in his sister’s appearance. “You look so much like–”
“I know,” Belle replied. Wanting to change the subject, Belle leaned back on her elbows. “So Brade, it’s seven in the morning, what the hell are you doing here?”
“I know how much you love the morning,” he teased. “But I wanted to see you before I headed off to work. And speaking of work, Dad told me about your aspirations to be a cop. Any truth in that?”
Belle rolled her eyes, wrapping herself in her blanket. “I don’t need the lecture. I heard it already from Dad. I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m not happy in fashion. I’m not happy being treated like the fragile piece of glass in this family!”
Brady held up his hand, a small smile on his lips. “Whoa, calm down, Belle. I just wanted to know if it was true. I guess by that rant it is and I’m proud of you.”
Belle raised her eyebrow. “And?”
“And nothing. I think it’s amazing if that’s what you want to do. I really admire you.”
“Really?”
“Of course,” Brady replied, sitting down next to Belle. “You have always been the strongest member of this family. When Mom died I think Dad and I were the most concerned with you. We knew Sami would take it hard but you were her youngest, her little girl. You took it the best though. Not because you didn’t miss her but because you were just like her. Strong, a fighter. We’re all really in awe of you, Belle.”
Belle smiled, taking her brother’s hand in her own. “Thank you. So tell me, how has Dad been?”
Brady shrugged his shoulders. “He’s doing well I guess. I know he still misses Mom, but Sarah is keeping him busy and more importantly happy, so he seems to be doing all right. I think having you back will help him a lot. He missed you a lot around here. We all did.”
“Me too.” Belle yawned. “How’s the wife? I haven’t spoken to her in a few weeks.”
Brady smiled. “Kelly is fine. She had a huge deposition this past weekend and things have been hectic as usual, but we’re managing.” Brady looked down at his watch and back up at his sister. “I need to get going. Stop by the office if you get a little time.” He kissed his sister’s cheek, pulling her hair behind her ear. “Bye Tink.”
Belle grimaced at the nickname but smiled. “Bye.”
As Brady shut the door behind him, Belle collapsed back on the bed. Curling up in her warm blanket, she attempted to go back to sleep, sending a silent prayer up to her mother, thanking her for her family, never knowing that her mother was contemplating whether or not to come back down on earth at that very moment.
Never Say Goodbye
She wandered around effortlessly, knowing she had a place to be at the moment, but needing to be alone. Although she had always wanted to go back on earth to see those that she had loved, she had developed a new life up in heaven. She spent her days with her son and her best friend, Isabella, who although the two weren’t extremely close on earth, had become kindred spirits up in heaven. She glanced down at her watch and Marlena sighed, knowing she really should meet Isabella and her son, DJ, in their usual spot. She quickened her pace and made it to the stables in a few short minutes.
“It’s about time,” Isabella said, standing, “I thought you were going to desert us.”
Marlena took a step closer to both of them. “I think you should both sit back down. There’s something we need to talk about.”
DJ looked up at his mother with worried eyes. “Is everything all right, Mom?”
Marlena gazed at her son and couldn’t help but allow her heart to melt. She had only known him for days on earth but from the moment she came to heaven, she had spent every day with her son. He was sixteen now, having wanting to be aged that way, and he was everything she could have hoped he would have been. Looking just like her son, Eric, he had a heart of gold and worshipped his mother, just like all of her other children.
“Everything is fine,” Marlena replied, sitting down herself, “but I was offered an opportunity today. An opportunity which I couldn’t decided on until I speak to either of you.”
“We’re listening,” Isabella said, sitting back down. “What’s going on?”
“I was called into God’s chambers today and he offered me a proposition. As you both know, my daughter has been praying a lot. She wants me to be down on earth for her wedding. For some reason, God is allowing her wish to become granted.”
DJ took a deep breath. “So he’s allowing you back down on earth?”
“Yes. However, there are some conditions, one of them being that if I go, I can’t come back.”
“Wow,” Isabella said softly. “What are you going to do?”
“That’s what I wanted to talk about with the both of you. As much as I want to go down there, it’s forever and I’m not sure I can live without the both of you. So what do I do?”
Neither Isabella nor DJ answered for a moment, both registering the news Marlena had just told them. It was DJ who spoke first, his voice low, almost as if he was unsure of what he was saying was truly what was right. “I think you should go.”
Marlena looked at him, surprised. “Of the two of you, I thought you were the one who’d have the biggest problem with this.”
“Do I want you to go? Of course not. However, I remember what it was like when you first came here. How devastated you were, how much you missed your family. I know you still are devastated in a lot of ways. Besides, I know how much you miss John.”
Marlena looked over at Isabella. Although the two of them never had any problems about John up in heaven, she sometimes still felt awkward when it came to her love for him. In return, Isabella just smiled, reaching her hand across and squeezing Marlena’s, knowing exactly what Marlena was thinking about.
“You should be with him.”
“I can’t. The other stipulation of my going back home is that I have to leave John alone. I can talk to him, I can be friends with him, but because he’s engaged to a woman I set him up with, I can’t be involved with him.”
“You should still go, Mom. The truth of the matter is, your kids mean everything in the world to you. Belle needs you.”
“So do you.”
“Not in the same way. I know if you go down there, I’ll be able to take care of you. I’m safe up here. Besides, I have Isabella.”
Isabella smiled, wrapping her arm around a boy who was so much like a son to her. “It’s true. It’s going to be hard without John but you’ve lived without him on earth before. I think this is something you need to do.”
“So you’re saying I should go?”
Isabella and DJ looked at each other for a moment and then at Marlena, both nodding their heads.
“Then I guess this is it,” Marlena said quietly, “I’m going back home.”
Isabella Black pulled her father’s Jeep into the parking lot of the Salem Police Department. She hadn’t been there in over a year but felt some sort of accomplishment just being there. She had secret desires to be an officer ever since she was little, but followed what her father wanted her for years after graduating from college. Although being the boss’ daughter had perks, it wasn’t what she wanted to spend her life doing.
She got out of the car and walked into the department, memories flashing back to her. She had spent a lot of time there when she was younger, shadowing both of her father’s best friends, knowing even then what it was she wanted to do. Belle said a few hellos to some of the officers working, making her way back to the Commander’s office. She knocked lightly, hearing a voice from inside telling her to come inside. Belle opened the door and when Abraham Carver looked up from his desk, he smiled widely.
“If it isn’t Isabella Black,” he said, standing. He walked around to the side of his desk, wrapping his arms around a young woman he always thought of like a daughter.
“Hi Abe,” Belle replied, warmly.
“Please sit.”
Belle released herself from Abe sitting down across from him.
“How are you sweetheart?”
“I’m wonderful. It’s great to be home. How about you? How’s Lexie? Theo?”
“They’re doing well.” Abe sat back down his chair, assessing Belle. “So your father tells me you’re thinking about joining the academy?”
“I’m not thinking about it. I know this is what I want to do.”
“John has some reservations about you joining the force.”
“I’m aware of that, but it’s my life, Abe.”
Abe laughed. “You’re just as stubborn as your mother was.”
“So I’m told. I came here today to tell you to add me to the list. I know it’s a dangerous job, but this is what I want to do. I think I’d be really good at it.”
“I don’t doubt that at all. You’re tough, you always have been.” Abe picked up a pencil and wrote something on a piece of paper that was next to him. “You’re added. Training starts in two days.”
“Thank you.” Belle stood up, reaching her hand out to Abe. He took it, smiling. “I have to go drop my father’s car off but I appreciate everything.”
Belle walked towards the door and was nearly out when Abe’s voice caused her to turn around.
“I’m really proud of you.” He paused for a moment. “She would be too.”
Belle nodded her head and walked out of Abe’s office, hoping her mother would be proud of her and praying that somehow she knew what she was doing and why.
For John Black the day after the anniversary of his wife’s death was the hardest. Maybe it was because he could remember that night ten years ago when it first happened. The night after his wife had died of cancer he had been so distraught it was the first time in his life that he had ever contemplated suicide. He didn’t try anything for he could never leave his children, but he had wanted to die, a fact that was known as much as he tried to hide it. He spent that entire day looking at pictures of her trying to remember every single moment he had ever spent with her. It became his tradition to that every year on that day and today was no different.
John sat in his office, glancing at a picture of Marlena. He leaned forward and picked it up, tracing every delicate feature on her face. He could almost hear her laugh if he closed his eyes hard enough, almost feel her breath on his face as if she was right beside him where she had always belonged.
“Wherever you are,” John whispered, “I hope you know how much I love you.”
There was a knock on his door and John put the picture down, pushing some work in front of him.
The door opened and a beautiful woman who looked a little younger than John entered. Her dirty blonde hair fell to her shoulders while her brown eyes seemed to sparkle with a love for the life she was leading. When John saw her, he smiled.
“Hey honey. I was just—“
Sarah LeBoeuf glanced down at John’s desk, noticing Marlena’s picture was on opposite side of where John usually kept it. “Looking at Marlena’s picture.” She smiled at him lightly, sitting down across from his desk. “Why do you still try to hide the fact that you miss her? I might be your fiancé John, but I’m still human. I know you miss her and that has never bothered me.”
“It should,” he said, his voice so quiet, she almost didn’t hear him.
“Why? I’m not a jealous person, John. I know how much you loved her and I think that’s amazing. I have tried to imagine if our places were reversed. If it was I who was married to the one person I loved most in this world and they died, I would be devastated. You can talk to me about her, you know.”
“I know. She was just … amazing.” John blushed realizing that Sarah wasn’t the right person to talk about Marlena too. She didn’t seem to mind though and reached her hand across the desk to take his.
“Yes she was. I’ve met her children. I know you.”
John smiled, no longer wanting to discuss this. He let go of her hand and moved around the side of his desk, sitting on top of it. “So what can I do for you, darling?”
Sarah knew what he was doing and respected him enough to follow through on his wishes. “I spoke to Belle this morning. She wants to discuss some wedding plans tonight with us and the bridesmaids and ushers.”
“Did she decide to hire a wedding planner?”
“She wants this to be her own wedding, not someone else’s. I promised I’d help her if she needed it. She wants to discuss further plans tonight. I just wanted to let you know.”
John looked at the clock behind Sarah. “Not working today?”
Sarah shrugged. “I wrote early this morning. That’s the wonderful thing about being a writer. You work through your own schedule. I should be going though,” she replied, standing up. “I have some errands I need to run.” She leaned forward and kissed John and when it broke, she placed her hand on his cheek gazing at him tenderly. “If you need anything at all, call my cell.”
“Will do. I do love you, you know.”
She looked at him and smiled warmly. “Yeah. I know.”
Marlena watched the exchange between John and Sarah unable to feel some emotion stir within her. She turned towards DJ and Isabella, suddenly unsure of the decision she had made.
“Maybe I shouldn’t go.”
“Mom, stop it. You’re going.”
She looked behind her to the where the gates of heaven began and turned back to her family up in heaven. “I don’t know how to say goodbye.”
“It’s not goodbye,” Isabella said, softly. “Never forget that. Good luck down there.”
“Thanks.”
Marlena leaned forward and hugged both of them. And as she turned to exit a place that had been her home for so long, she took a deep breath, wondering if this was a huge mistake and hoping that it would be anything but.
A Smile Like Yours
Standing in front of the full-length mirror in her former bedroom, Isabella Black stared at herself in the mirror. To anyone who had known her mother, she got the same comments often. She had always been her mother’s daughter, but the older she got, the more similar Belle had become to Marlena. Of course there were the obvious things, like her looks, but even she knew the similarities went further. She had taken her mother’s compassion and although used it in different ways, spent her time caring and trying to help those around her.
She combed through her blonde hair, unable to stop staring at herself. She had seen the similarity herself quite often and she frequently wished she didn’t. She hated being a reminder to those who loved her mother, especially John. She knew every time he looked at her that he saw Marlena and she hated adding more to the pain that he obviously felt often.
Turning away from the mirror and throwing her brush onto the bed, Belle was about to head downstairs when her cell phone rang. Reaching across her bed, she grabbed her phone, answering it.
“Hello?”
“Hey honey.”
“Hey dad,” she smiled. “What’s going on?”
“Not much. Just wanted to check up on you.”
“I think you just wanted to stop working for at least ten minutes,” Belle teased.
John laughed. “You know me so well. The office is rather boring this morning. Can I get you to accept a lunch date with your dear old dad?”
“I’d love too, actually. How about the pub in twenty minutes?”
“Wonderful. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Belle threw her phone into her purse, before taking one last look in the mirror. And with an almost satisfied grin, she left her bedroom, hoping an afternoon with her father would cheer her from whatever slump she seemed to be falling into.
Belle walked into Brady’s Pub, almost having to laugh at the way some things would never change. There was still a sense of warmth when she walked into the cozy atmosphere and she was grateful for at least that. When Shawn and Caroline Brady had died, they left their most prized possession in the hands of their son, Bo, and his wife, Hope. While they both had help running it, they could be found there often, making the place feel a little more like home.
Scanning the room quickly, Belle noticed John had yet to arrive and took a seat, flipping through the menu, although she already knew what she wanted. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and she turned around, expecting her father. Instead she found her former boyfriend’s mother smiling down at her, surprised yet delighted to see the woman she had known all of her life.
“I thought it was you!” Hope exclaimed, hugging Belle tightly. “I didn’t know you were back in town!”
Belle shifted in the booth a little so Hope could sit. “I just got back last night. How is everything? How’s Bo? Shawn? Zack?”
“Bo is doing well. He’s been working pretty hard down at the station. He’s actually away on assignment at the moment. Zack is wonderful. He’s starting sixth grade in the fall and he has his first girlfriend.” Hope laughed, shaking her head. “My men start young, I guess. And Shawn, he’s living out in California with his girlfriend. He asked about you the other day.”
Belle smiled. “Oh yeah? What about?”
“Just wondering if I had spoken to you. You should give him a call.”
“I’ll do that.”
“Do what?” John asked, walking to the table.
Hope stood, knowing it was her cue to leave and kissed John’s cheek before he sat down. “I told her to call my son,” Hope winked. “I’ll leave you two alone. Can I get you two anything to drink?”
“I’ll take a Corona. Dad?”
“Same.” John looked at Belle and laughed. “You’re not old enough to drink are you?”
Belle rolled her eyes. “I’ve been legal for about seven years now.”
“I know, it’s just …” John trailed off, unable to help but stare at his daughter. She knew what he was thinking, she always did, and so she hid her head, only slightly.
“Does it hurt?”
“Does what hurt?” John asked confused.
“Looking at me. I know every time you do, you see her. I think in a lot of ways, that’s why I went to Europe with Jaime. I love him, but I think the reason I left was so you wouldn’t be reminded as much as you are when you see me.”
John reached his hand across the table and placed it gently on his daughter’s. “I’m always reminded, sweetheart. I’m reminded when I hear Unchained Melody on the radio. I’m reminded when I smell lilacs in the spring. I’m reminded of your mother all the time, but if anything, looking at you helps me remember, especially your smile. You have her smile.”
“Sometimes I feel myself forgetting her,” Belle admitted, peeling off the label on beer Hope had placed down moments before. “I mean I was eighteen when she died. You would think I was old enough to never forget, but sometimes I do. It pretty much sucks.”
John laughed, squeezing Belle’s hand. “Yes, it does.” Sensing by the way Belle had begun to fidget, John knew his daughter well enough to change the subject. “What time is Jaime getting in?”
At the mention of her fiancée, Belle couldn’t help but smile. She had known James McDermott for most of her life, as he had been Brady’s best friend in boarding school. He had come to Salem after graduating college, looking for a job with a major fashion cooperation and happened to walk into Basic Black. He had been hired right away and the moment Belle saw him again, she had known he was going to be the one she’d marry.
He had proposed to her almost two years later in a gondola in Italy and Belle had accepted immediately, with one stipulation: they had to go back to the states. Jaime had eagerly agreed, for he too had family close by, not to mention the closeness he had to Belle’s family.
“At around five. I offered to pick him up at the airport but I knew how busy I was so his sister is going to pick him up. I wanted to thank you, by the way, for paying for this wedding. Jaime and I were more than willing to foot the bill ourselves.”
“Oh nonsense,” John waved his hand in a dismissal, “my youngest daughter is getting married. You’re going to have the most beautiful wedding there ever was and I’m honored to pay for it.”
But in John’s words were unspoken meaning. They both knew it would be a little less than beautiful without the mother of the bride there for her daughter.
Belle walked into the Penthouse after lunch with John, knowing there was so much she had to do before the wedding meeting that night. She had florists to call, caterers to book, and dresses to look through, but at the moment all she wanted was to slip underneath her covers and take a short, but sweet, nap.
Jogging up the stairs and into her bedroom, she noticed a piece of paper lying on her bed. She picked it up, unsure of who had left it, and read the words on the page.
Sweetheart, meet me at flower garden. You know the spot. I love you.
Although the flower garden had been her favorite spot to go to with her mother when she was alive, she had started to take Jaime there when they had first started to date. No one had ever known the spot was there and she liked the secrecy it provided. It was where she had first had sex with Jaime and it was a place that with so many wonderful memories; of falling in love, of her mother.
Knowing Jaime must have gotten in early and wanted to surprise her, she forgot all about her nap and grabbed her bag, wanting more than anything to see her fiancée.
She’ll Hear You
The cold air nipped at her skin as she stepped outside of her apartment building. With anticipation, Belle reached her car in a few short strides and was about to step in when she saw her brother’s jeep pull into the lot. Brady, like their father, never left work early when he didn’t have too.
She leaned up against her car knowing this must be important and rubbed her hands together while Brady pulled up beside her. Stepping out, he held up a note.
“Tell me something. Wasn’t the flower garden your secret spot with mom and then your spot with Jaime?”
Belle nodded. “Although it doesn’t seem to be a secret anymore. I was on my way there right now actually.” Realization washed across her face and she crossed her arms. “Wait, did Jaime ask you to come too?”
“I guess so. I got this in the office about twenty minutes ago.” He handed Belle the note and she looked at it: the same note left on her bed. “It was there when I came back from lunch.”
“This doesn’t make sense. Why would my fiancée call us both there the moment he gets back? Why not just stop by the office to see you and come by the penthouse to see me?”
“I thought Jaime wasn’t supposed to be back until later.”
Belle shrugged. “He could have taken an earlier flight.” She reached into her bag and took out her cell phone. “Only one way to find out.” She dialed and waited a moment, hanging up. “Straight to voice mail. Might be dead.”
“I don’t like the sound of this. It could be a set up. Maybe we should call someone.”
“Like the cops?” Belle rolled her eyes. “No one is setting us up, no one has any reason too. Besides you’re forgetting the fact that I’m about to go into training to be a cop. I took six years of karate. I’m a black belt. If someone wants to come kick our ass, I’ll fight them.”
“What the hell did you do with my little sister?”
“I was never as innocent as you wanted to believe. When did you become such a wuss?”
“I’m not a wuss, I’m practical.”
“Potato, potato.”
Belle got back into her car, noticing Brady still standing outside the door. She rolled down her window. “You coming? Last chance to see who our mystery caller is.”
Brady walked around to the passenger side of the car and got in, fastening his seatbelt. “You’re such a pain in the ass.”
There was one memory of her mother that came to mind every time she stepped into the rose garden. It was a little after Marlena had been diagnosed with her cancer, a factor that never seemed to slow her down, and they had come there on one of the good days. It had been early September, only a few months before Marlena’s passing, but in that moment everything had seemed perfect. It had rained earlier on in the day and while the ground was wet, the flowers had never smelled more amazing as they did on that morning. They just sat for hours discussing all the dreams and hopes life had to offer and it was the first time Belle really acknowledged Marlena’s upcoming fate. For the first time, she allowed herself to grieve while her mother held her, both of them unsure of how to live without the other.
Shaking the thoughts from her mind, Belle reached down and grazed her fingers along a pink rose. Brady wrapped his arm around his sister, pulling her a little closer.
“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”
“It might be my place with Jaime but it will always be my place with mom.” Belle looked around wondering where this person was but saw nothing. “Hello? Jaime? Anyone here?”
“It’s me.”
The voice was so faint that it took both Belle and Brady a moment to respond. It sounded like nothing more than a gust of wind, a figment of both their imaginations, but in that moment they both looked at each other, knowing what they heard couldn’t possibly be real.
“Maybe we should just go,” Belle said quietly, “Jaime isn’t here and you should probably head back to work. Come on.”
Belle was about to turn around to leave when she caught a glimpse of blonde. It was a blonde she had only seen once in her life; a shade of golden with specs of russet mixed in and a smell of lilacs and honeysuckle combining as one. It was the look and the smell of her mother. She reached behind her, grabbing Brady’s hand.
“Did you see that?”
“See what?”
Belle stood there for a moment, the sight gone. “Nothing. Let’s go.”
Belle began to walk away when Brady grabbed her arm. “The perk to being the son of the boss is that I can be as late as I want without many consequences. Why don’t we stay for a little?” Brady sat down on the grass, pulling down his sister with him. “I miss her too, you know. A lot.”
Belle nodded her head, picking a rose off of a bush. “I know. We all do.”
“It’s different with me though. You were always Mom’s favorite, I think because you were a part of dad.”
“Brady–”
“No, I don’t mean it as a complaint. I mean that you were always perfect. You never got into trouble and even when you would fight with mom it would never last longer than a day. There are so many years I regret with her. So many things I said that I could never take back no matter how much I pray and wish that I could. As much as she loved me, I sometimes still wonder if she held any grudges towards me.”
“She didn’t. She loved you so much, Brade. She didn’t care about what happened in the past, she loved you even then. Do you ever pray to her?”
“Sometimes. I don’t know if I believe in things like that though. When Marlena was sick, I prayed to my real mother all the time yet Marlena still died. Maybe it’s not real, maybe it’s just something we’re taught to do so we have something to believe in.”
“I don’t know,” Belle replied, ripping some of the petals off of her flower, “I mean yes, not everything we pray for comes true, but on the other hand if the bad things in our life didn’t happen, we wouldn’t end up being who we are today. If Mom hadn’t of died, I might still be with Shawn. Instead I needed space and so we broke up and along came Jaime.”
“You don’t think you’d be with Jaime if Mom was still alive?”
“I really have no idea. But I do believe that she hears everything you ask for.”
“If that’s true, then why isn’t she here? You told me you pray to her every night and ask her to come back, so if she hears where is she?”
“It’s a childhood request, Brady. I know she hears me, it doesn’t mean she can make it come true. When I started praying that she’d come back for my wedding, I never actually thought she would. It’s impossible.” She threw some of the red petals at him, trying to break the mood. “When did you become so cynical?”
Brady laughed. “I missed you, Tink.”
“I hate that nickname.” She scowled.
“I know.”
Belle looked down at her watch. “I guess we should go. No one is here and despite you being the boss’ son, you should still get back. Besides I need to get started on some wedding plans before the meeting tonight. Let’s go.” She stood up, grabbing Brady’s hand to pull him up as well.
And when they turned around to leave, they saw her. It was a vision to both of them, a moment of insanity, but she was real. Tears pooled in the woman’s eyes, her hands shaking, her lips formed in a curve as if she had everything and nothing to say all at once.
Belle grabbed onto Brady’s hand, squeezing her eyes shut tightly believing that when she opened them the vision would be gone. But she wasn’t and before Belle passed out in her brother’s arms, she muttered the only word that she could.
“Mom …”
I Shall Believe
She hadn’t smelled a scent so strong since that night a little over ten years ago. She had just gotten home from work, a long shift at the Brady’s Pub, and wanted nothing more than to crawl under her covers and sleep for an eternity. She had walked into the Penthouse a little past midnight and while nothing seemed different, she knew that is was. Dozens of flowers topped the mantle, rose petals lined the staircase, and the scent of lilacs had never smelled so sweet. She had walked quietly up the steps and when she reached the door to her parent’s room, she couldn’t help but smile.
Her mother had been extremely ill by then. The meds had taken their toll on the once powerful woman and getting out of bed seemed more of a feat than anything else. But that night, for the first time in a long time, Marlena stood with John in the middle of their bedroom, dancing to what could only be their song.
She hadn’t interrupted them, she didn’t have the heart too, when she knew the end was near, but she had always remembered how strong that smell was, like life had been brought back into a house that had seemed lifeless since the moment Marlena was diagnosed with an incurable illness. She had died the next evening and the moment she did, the flowers that still remained in the house had wilted. All the thriving that had tried so hard to survive failed that night long ago.
The scent became stronger and Belle moaned as her dreams haunted her mind. Her blue eyes fluttered several times and when she opened them, she saw a woman she thought she would never see again: except of course, in her dreams. She tried to sit up, but it only made her feel sick as Belle eased herself back down on the dirt.
“I must be dreaming,” she muttered.
She closed her eyes again, taking in deep breaths, hoping that the bile rising in her throat would remain.
“Belle?” Brady spoke, lightly, touching his sister’s arm. “I need you to open your eyes, baby.”
Never able to deny her brother’s wishes, Belle slowly opened her eyes, staring up at her big brother. He leaned down next to her, stroking her hair.
“What happened?” Belle asked, groggily.
“You passed out.” He looked behind her and saw his mother standing there, unable to really believe it himself. “You passed out because you saw–”
“Mom.”
Belle sat up and looked behind her, tears pooling her cobalt eyes. For the first time since Belle had fainted, Marlena moved towards her children, kneeling down in the dirt. There was nothing she wanted more than to hold both of her children and in a swift motion, she grabbed them both, holding them tightly. No one said a word, simply because no words could ever define this moment. A child’s request had been taken to heart and Belle squeezed her mother tightly, not knowing whether or not this was a dream and not really caring. She had dreamt of her mother before and while some felt real, never like this. She was never allowed to touch Marlena in her dreams, only converse on issues that never really held much importance.
For Brady, he had been through this before. When his former girlfriend had been diagnosed with leukemia, his birth mother had come back to him to provide guidance during a time he so desperately needed it. While he was thrilled beyond words to see his mother now, he knew it would only be for a short time. With him, it always was.
It was Belle who spoke first, backing away from her mother’s embrace. She looked into the hazel eyes that told the story of her own life and touched her mother’s soft hair. With almost a haunted tone of voice, she continued to touch the soft golden hair.
“Your hair is back.”
Marlena smiled, wiping her daughter’s tears, but unable to fight her own. “Yes.”
Belle looked at Brady, wondering if by some miracle they were seeing the same thing. He reached across and grabbed her hand, knowing she was not alone.
“Are we dreaming?”
Marlena shook her head.
“Is something wrong?” Brady asked, remembering the reasons why his real mother had returned.
“No.” Marlena wanted to say more, but the words didn’t seem to form. She never imagined this moment to be like this. She never knew that she’d have no idea what to say to her own children.
“Have you been alive all these years?”
“No.”
Brady, always good at breaking tension in awkward situations, smiled as he took hold of Marlena’s hand. “Do you say more than no?”
She laughed, a smile breaking through her tears. “Yes.”
“Want to tell us how you got back here?” He asked softly.
“Not really,” Marlena replied, quietly. “I left those notes because I needed to see the both of you. I’ll explain everything later. Right now, I just want to look at you both.” Her hand lifted to her mouth, a trait she had always resorted to when trying to hold in her tears. “You both look so beautiful.” She touched Belle’s face, memorizing every feature. “Congratulations on your engagement, sweetheart.”
“You know about that?” Belle asked, incredulously.
“Of course I do. I know a lot about what goes on down here. For instance,” she turned to Brady, “I know that you’re married. I know that on your wedding day Kelly asked you if everything was perfect. It was in many ways. You loved her, more than you have ever loved anyone, your father went all out to create the best wedding possible, and in many ways, you didn’t want to ruin her day by telling her that not everything was perfect. But you did because you could never keep a secret from her and told her things would be better if your mothers were there.”
“How did you …”
“We hear and see the most important moments of those that we love.”
Belle and Brady both looked at the other, wondering if she knew. And always knowing her children, even all these years later, she nodded. “Yes, I know about your father and Sarah.”
“I’m sorry,” Belle started.
“What are you sorry for? I know a lot more about Sarah than you think and I think she is wonderful. I didn’t come here for your father. I came back for you,” Marlena said to Belle. “For all of my children.”
Things had seemed so familiar that it took Belle a moment to really familiarize herself with her surroundings. She found herself backing away from her mother, not wanting to get to close to something that couldn’t possibly be real. But Marlena still knew her daughter and her reasonings.
“I know this is hard for you both and I would understand if you didn’t want to believe me. But I’m real.”
“Does dad know?”
Marlena thought of John, of what it would be like to see him again, of his soft touch, his perfect lips, and without realization, she smiled. “No. And I’d appreciate if neither of you told him.”
Deciding to spend his lunch hour at home for once, John sat on the couch, going through some office files. He had a huge merger in the next few days and while he had planned to relax, things never seemed to shape up that way. He pulled out another file, just as Sarah came out of the kitchen with a plate of food.
“You came home to relax, honey, not to work.” She sat down next to him, pulling the file out of his hands. As he opened his mouth to protest, Sarah silenced him. “You know this merger will go off without a hitch, so stop worrying!” She noticed that John had barely said a word since being home and Sarah turned his head towards hers. “Okay, what’s wrong?”
“Why do you think anything is wrong?”
“Oh I don’t know,” she teased, “I’ve only been dating you for two years. Is this about the wedding?”
“Of course not. You know I have no qualms about getting married again.”
“Well, that’s good. But I meant your daughter’s wedding. I know it’s not easy to let your youngest child go.”
“You’re right, it’s not. But that’s not what’s bothering me. “ John paused for a moment. “When I left the office, Brady wasn’t there.”
Sarah mocked surprise and couldn’t help but laugh. “So what?”
“He never leaves the office before three.”
“I hate to break this to you but neither do you. Belle’s not here either. Maybe they went out to eat. Maybe Brady decided to go home and see Kelly.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
But as John looked around the Penthouse, he knew that something wasn’t right. His eyes landed on the piano, a place that always housed the pictures of his life, and he suddenly realized what it was. As a picture of him and Marlena stared back at him, he was able to put his finger on what he was feeling. It was a feeling of despair. An emotion he had only ever felt when Marlena was alive.
Seperate Ways
Legs crossed over the other, Belle sat on her bed, flipping through the family photo album from when she was fifteen. Although an awkward year for most, she had been a beautiful young adult, with her mother’s golden blonde hair and her father’s startling cobalt eyes and not a day would go by where someone wouldn’t tell her just how beautiful she was. It wasn’t necessarily her parents, but her teachers, her friends, the young men vying for her attention. She wasn’t comfortable with the attention however, simply because she didn’t even think she was all that pretty. But as she stared at the pictures now, she realized just how much she did look like her mother and how much she had tried to hide from that fact ever since her death ten years prior.
The door to her bedroom opened and Belle looked up, strands of blonde hair falling loosely in front of face. And with one look at her brother, crystal tears began to form in the depths of her eyes. She longed to push them aside but with Brady she never had to hide. He sat down on the bed beside her, looking at the pictures, without saying a word. He knew when she needed to talk, she would. He had learned long ago never to push Isabella Black.
Belle glanced up at her brother, whose focus was elsewhere and quickly looked back down. “Did you ever wonder why I hated the nickname Tink?” Belle asked, flipping the page in the album.
Brady shrugged his shoulders, leaning up against Belle’s pillows. “Not really. It’s a childhood nickname. It was fine while you were younger, but when you grew up I figured it just became annoying. Doesn’t mean I didn’t want to bother the hell out of you with it.”
Belle gave him a small smile. “I guess that makes sense, but no. The thing about Tinkerbell was that she was magical. She existed in a world where children were young forever and if you believed hard enough dreams would come true. When Mom got sick, I wasn’t naive enough to trust all of that. I was sixteen at the time but a part of me still wanted to believe in the notion of Peter Pan. I wanted to pretend that if I had faith, Mom would be okay and I wouldn’t have to grow up so fast. But when she died, I didn’t want to be young. I didn’t want to remember a time when she was there because it just hurt too much, you know? I guess it made me want to grow up as fast as possible. I hate the nickname, Brady, because I hate remembering a time when I believed so hard in something that didn’t end up happening. I hated spending time in my imagination when I knew bad things could still happen. And now …” Belle paused for a moment, looking up at her brother. “Now I don’t know what I believe. I mean, we saw Mom. She’s here but a part of me can’t believe in that place where dreams come true and magic is real.”
Brady pulled Belle a little closer and she rested her head upon his shoulder, seeking a comfort she so desperately needed. “I never knew you felt like that,” he replied softly, “if I did, I would have stopped. As for Mom, I don’t really know. I feel like I should have some divine answer for you but I don’t. I’m just as confused as you are.”
“Do you think we’ll even see her again?” Belle threw her head in her hands, pulling her hair back with tight fingers. “I hate resorting back to this. To this mentality of a sixteen year old. The reason I decided to become a cop was because it was self protection. Nothing could hurt me as long as I could defend myself.”
“You can’t protect yourself from emotional problems, Belle. They’ll always find you.”
“I know,” she said, quietly. “But you can try your best.”
With the sun nearly setting in the deep azure sky, Marlena walked along the pier, allowing the wind to wash over her and cleanse her soul. When her children had left, she had debated on what she should do; she could go see John, but she knew she wasn’t ready to face that part of her past. She longed to see him, to hold him, to be with him, but she knew that wasn’t plausible and so she decided to take a walk.
The pier hadn’t changed and she could almost remember that night long ago when she had come back to him. The air had been warm and she could almost smell the water. She had come out of the shadows and watched him stand, still at first, until he finally turned to her, his eyes adjusting to the light. When he had seen her and realized that she was in fact real, he had held onto her as tight as he could, regretting the moment when he had let her go. He had told her she looked like an angel, her skin amber with the glow of light, her hair flowing down her back.
Marlena took a step closer to the railing closing her eyes in remembrance. She could almost smell him now, a scent she could never identify but one that had quickly become his own. As she watched the waves of the river dance gracefully against the tide, Marlena could hear his voice. She didn’t know if it was the affect of the winds or a reminder of this spot, but she could almost hear him laughing. And in a moment, she realized that it wasn’t her memory, but her husband, walking along the pier, talking on his cell phone. She quickly hid behind a crate and watched him, her heart beating wildly against her chest.
His hair was blowing, the same full head of brown hair she recalled, although now streaks of gray ran through it, making him sexier than she could remember, if that was at all possible. She sat and listened to him, her eyes closing as his voice floated towards her in the wind.
“I miss you too, sweetheart, but enjoy yourself. You’ll be home in a couple of weeks with Austin anyway.” John paused for a moment, listening to his surrogate daughter on the other end. “Carrie, let’s not get into that right now. I understand your sister wants to do this whole cop thing, but I still have no intention of changing my mind. It’s too dangerous.” John smiled. “Yes, I am aware that I am an over protective father, thank you. Well I’ll let you go, give me a call if you need the plane or anything. I love you and send Austin my best wishes. Bye honey.”
John hung up the phone and slipped his cell phone into his jacket pocket. The icy wind slipped into his coat and he quickly wrapped it tighter around his body. It was funny, but tonight of all nights he could feel Marlena. The air although cold had a warmth to it, a comforting welcome. He could smell her, a sweet mix of lilac and strawberry, but John shrugged it off, believing it to be her memory. Around the time of her anniversary he thought of her more, but tonight was different. Tonight he could feel her as if she was alive.
“John!”
John turned, wiping away the memories plaguing his mind. In the foggy distance, he could make out Sarah as she walked towards him, dirty blonde hair bouncing, shopping bags in hand, and John smiled.
“Hi baby,” he said, kissing her as she met him, lips warming the other. As their mouths parted, he looked down at the bags in her hand and couldn’t help but laugh. If Sarah was anything, it was a shopaholic. “It looks as if you bought out Salem Place.”
“Oh, I didn’t go to Salem Place, I drove to Chicago after lunch.” John raised his eyebrow. She knew that look. The one that questioned how she was able to spend so much money on boots and pumps. How one woman could spend so much on clothes and purses. “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve had five best selling books. Instead of buying pricey art, I buy pricey shoes. Besides, I have something in here for you.”
“Oh yeah?” John grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist. “What is it?”
Sarah pulled away from him, pouting. “Doesn’t matter, I’m not giving it to you anymore. You made fun of my addiction.”
“I didn’t say a word!”
“Yeah well you looked at me funny.” She dropped her bags onto the cold pier planks and remained sad for only a moment before breaking out into a smile. “I’ll give it to you later if you’re good. We have to get home for Belle’s pre-wedding plans. Hey, have you spoken to her today?”
“Not since this morning, why?”
“I don’t know. She just seemed … strange when I called her a few minutes ago. “
John picked up the bags Sarah had dropped, amazed at how heavy they were. He groaned and Sarah smacked his arm. “I’d like you to know that in those bags is a present for you and every single one of your children and their spouses.”
“I’m only kidding, Sar. I love that you shop as much as you do. It’s endearing. So tell me about Belle? Do you think she’s okay?”
“I asked her and she said I had just awakened her from a nap and she was a little disoriented.”
Judging by the disatisfaction on John’s face, he knew she wasn’t falling for it. “And you don’t believe her?”
Sarah shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve woken Belle up from a lot of naps ever since I have known her. She has never sounded like that before. I’m sure it’s nothing though.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Although at the moment, neither of them sounded convinced. “Come on, let’s head back to the house.”
The two of them began to walk and as they neared the end of the pier, John couldn’t help but look back. He didn’t know what it was … if it was the possible danger of their daughter, or the wedding plans that seemed to be more constant and necessary or just the place itself, but he had this nagging feeling that Marlena was waiting for him. Needing him.
And the moment he stepped off the pier, he allowed his feelings to crawl back into the crevice of his mind that belonged to only her, never realizing that the moment he vanished into the mist and fog, she appeared, like all those years ago, although this time, he wasn’t waiting.
The Jarlena Journal 