John was sitting in front of the computer…. again, willing it to give up the information he was seeking. ‘Damn it! I’ve been searching for so long and I still can’t find anything that really helps!’ he was thinking. ‘I want my past back!.. “Damn it!” he whispered harshly, a little too loud.
She looked up from the novel she was reading… wincing as she heard the expletive come out of his mouth. He was immediately remorseful. “I’m sorry about that, Doc… this is just so… frustrating. Every time I think I’m getting somewhere, I hit another brick wall.” He sighed wearily, wishing the whole thing away, wishing his past would just miraculously appear on the screen or pop back into his mind. If he could have that, he could walk down the aisle with no qualms, no fears about some deep dark secret coming along to take away his happiness. He wanted it all out in the open before they got married. That was as much what it was about as anything. He was afraid he’d lose her again and he didn’t think he could bear it.
Marlena could literally feel the tension and crossed the room to help him with it. Silently she stepped around behind him and began to massage his neck and shoulders, trying to break up the knots that had formed there.
He didn’t say anything at first, allowing himself to relax under her deft touch. She was always so good at making him feel better and it didn’t take long this time either. “Oh.. Doc… that feels so good… thank you. I’m really sorry about cussing like that.”
She smiled and leaned down to give him a peck on the cheek, saying, “It’s okay, honey… I know it’s very frustrating. You’ve been wanting to find the answers for so long… They’ll come in time.. try to be patient.”
Something about the way she said it made him think she felt neglected by his recent focus on recapturing his past. “Marlena… I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me about it. Are you.. really okay with me researching my past… because if…”
Gently she cut him off, realizing what he was trying to say, “John… we’ve talked about this before. I told you, I’m behind you all the way. I understand your need to learn about the life you led before you came to Salem.”
“But… there’s more to it, Doc.. I know that I’ve been spending a lot time with Hope recently, helping her. Are you feeling neglected? Come on… tell me the truth.”
Recognizing that she wasn’t the only one who could read between the lines, Marlena decided to be truthful about it, “Well… maybe a little… but still..”
He turned around to face her and said, “But nothing… Look at me, Doc…look me right in the eye.”
She did as requested, wondering where he was leading. Taking her hands in his, he said, “Marlena… I want you to know something… There is *nothing* more important to me than you and the kids, nothing! I would put it all away with one word from you. So, if you ever feel like I’m not keeping my priorities in the right place, or spending enough time with you and Belle and Brady… I want you to tell me. All right?”
“John… you didn’t have to say that. I know you love me.”
“Yes… but I don’t want there to be any doubts about my commitment to you and our children. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and finding out about my past is part of wanting you to be sure about me… but if it ever bothers you.. I’ll give it up without blinking an eye.. I just wanted you to know that.”
She melted at the look of sincerity in his eyes. “I just love you so…”
“And I love you.. until the end of time… and you know what… I wasn’t really getting anywhere here…” He shut the computer down and placed his arms around her, asking, “So.. what do you say we.. go somewhere together…. like say.. up that staircase there. I think there’s a bed that’s kind of cold and lonely right now.”
Her eyes lit up.. she had been hoping he might quit soon anyway. “Oh… well, we simply can’t have that now, can we?”
“Nope… ” They stared at each other for a moment or two, enjoying the expression of desire they saw reflected in their eyes. Then, without further warning, he scooped her up and carried her up the stairs to be the bedroom, kicking the door shut with his foot when they arrived.
Gently, he placed her on their bed, admiring her beauty as he did so. Looking into her shimmering hazel eyes, he said, “Marlena… you are my past, my present, and my future. I know that I am blessed to have gotten another chance to share a life of love with you and I promise you I will never forget that, not for one second.”
He was making her feel so special, so cherished. “Oh… John… I’m blessed to have you too. I love you so much… and I want you to know that I am in support of you… whatever you choose to do. If you want to find out about your past then that is what I want too. There is nothing you can learn that will change my love for you.”
“Good… now that we have that settled… May I please *show* you how much I love you?” he asked, flashing her a very sexy, slightly mischievous grin that made her swoon.
“Oh…my.. yes, please do..” she said when her breath returned.
He didn’t say another word, choosing instead to start with her robe, opening it very slowly…. to reveal those perfectly shaped body features he loved so much. “Oh.. baby… I don’t know why I was wasting my time with that computer.. what was I thinking?”
“I don’t know honey… but I like what you’re doing,” she said, reaching up to capture his face for a kiss that lingered.
“Oh.. baby… I like what *we’re* doing,” he whispered in a voice filled with lust. John leaned down over her and began to worship her body, as only he could do… The past faded into the background in favor of the present and the electrical sensations that were beginning to flow throughout their bodies as they kissed and touched and loved each other. “This is where I belong… right here, right now… and forever.”
“Oh John…. and this is where I want to be…always…” she said, returning his desire filled stare.
“Always,” he whispered passionately as he moved in for another kiss, his hands finding her private pleasure zones…. “Always love…”
The Jarlena Journal 