All of the stars hung
Just for looking on
You’ve become very far
I’m wondering what you’re hiding from
Marlena curled up against the cold wall of the brick building behind her as she once again attempted to dry her tears, falling beyond her cheeks to her coat. She watched the number on the wall as more tears began to fall freely. Pier 29.
“Thought I’d find you here.” A dark, stoic voice behind her shook her from her silence.
“Really? Who told you where I’d be.”
“You don’t think I knew where to find you on my own?” Marlena looked at him as if to question if he really thought she was stupid.
“Claire told be that when grandma’s sad she likes to be alone with the fishes. Hope told me you like the piers. I do know math, so I put two and two together.” She looked up at him, a curious look in her eyes.
“And you got four, congratulations. Now leave me alone.” John stifled a laugh. Defiantly a hard nut to crack, this one.
“That’s kind of rude considering I brought you a present.” He held out a single yellow rose. “It’s a peace offering and a gift. I couldn’t find any white ones. And, who says we live in a cold, cold world?” He said, laughing slightly as he wrapped a blanket around her. He looked towards the end of the pier, barely seeing the water, only seeing the cold, dark night lit up by the stars above them.
“Thank you, I guess. Where’d you find this?” Marlena leaned in to smell the rose.
“I stole it from the house right next to the pub.”
“Of course you did.” Marlena sighed and let her head fall down as she closed her eyes.
“So Blondie, what’s troubling that pretty little head of yours?” John placed himself beside her as he spoke. The wind wasn’t as strong down at her level but he was still freezing cold.
“None of your business.”
“Ouch. The way I’ve been able to understand the laws of marriage, it’s supposed to be a two way street, communication and all that.”
“That’s rich, coming from you.”
“Why don’t you confide in your husband?”
“Sure. Have you seen him lately?” Marlena looked out towards the water. She heard the sound of waves breaking against the rocks underneath the pier.
“Double ouch. Here I am honey, in the flesh. Ready to be used. In every way you can think of.” Hitting on Marlena was becoming second nature for John.
“You know, there are actually times when I think you really are him. You look like him, you talk like him, you walk like him. It’s the same smile, the same eyes, the same body. And I feel like I could really just love who you are now because deep down there’s a part of my husband in you. But then you try to bribe a customs officer, hire a man who helped torture your family and that lovely image goes out the window like *that*.” She snapped her fingers to prove her point.
“What, the old me never did anything bad?”
“Of course he did. He was human, he wasn’t perfect. But he was a good person. Through and through. He’d die before he hurt anyone he loved.” Marlena took a deep breath as John pulled his hands inside his jacket.
How can you love without trusting
Sometimes the pain carries on
And maybe it’s hard to believe that
I won’t let you down
———
They stayed that way, side by side for seven minutes and 49 seconds.
———
Come on look at me
There’s so much to see
Discover in me
But you’re caught
And I will charge quarter months to your heart
“Can I ask you something?” Marlena looked to her side and studied his face, anticipating a rude remark in response.
“Only if I get to ask you something first.” Milder than she had anticipated.
“Go ahead.” She looked towards the water again before bracing herself for his question, the wind blew her hair in various different directions.
“I’m freezing. Wanna help me stay warm?” He winked as he leaned down slightly to look at her.
“Why do you let yourself feel with Claire and Belle, even Bo, but never with me? With me you’re just… quiet and stoic. Even after we slept together in that freezing tent, you never said anything except a few crude comments about wanting to do it again.” She pulled slightly away from him.
“What, you didn’t wanna do it again?”
“There it is again. The second I get close to you, the second there’s even the slightest chance of you letting me into your soul, you shut off, and I’m sick of it. I don’t care if you’re mad or you’re happy, or you don’t know how to feel, I just want a reaction from you. Don’t you trust me? If you let me in, I won’t hurt you, I won’t let you down. All I want is to help you.” She turned to look the other way, finding her gloves in her pocket and putting them on.
“You scare me.” John said calmly, after several seconds of silence.
“You already told me that.” Marlena sighed.
“No, I’m scared when I’m around you. That thing Stefano did to my brain, it’s like it’s supposed to shut me off when I start to feel something real. It’s like a pain I can’t really feel, but it’s there. And being around you Blondie, it defiantly makes me feel. In the beginning I could shut it off or on like I chose, but now it’s like I can’t control it, and I want to be in control again. I don’t want to hurt like I did before.” Marlena turned towards him again as he spoke in a serene voice she haven’t heard in a long time. Too long.
“Is that why you’re trying to take over the business? Because you want to be in control?” Marlena said softly, looking directly at him.
“Are you trying to shrink me?” He said suspiciously.
“No.” She smiled sweetly.
“That’s part of it. I want to be good for something. I mean who am I? I’m just some guy who can’t think or feel. What good am I to anyone?” John threw a rock towards the end of the pier, hearing it splash as it reached the water below.
“You’re already good to several people. You just have to let them be good to you too.”
“I’ll think about it.” He pressed his hands together to keep warm as they sat there in yet another long moment of silence.
How can you love without trusting
Sometimes the pain carries on
Maybe tonight you’re not certain
But certainty won’t make it wrong
And all I can say is believe that
I won’t let you down
“So you’re scared of me, huh?” Marlena smiled to herself.
“Yup.” He stretched his neck as he answered.
“John Black is scared of a girl.”
“Ok, don’t go overboard there Blondie. It’s a perfectly normal rea….” Before he could finish his thought, Marlena had leaned against him and pressed her lips against his.
Her lips were soft and warm, and smelled oddly familiar. Like he’d done this a thousand times before. He felt his toes curl, his body warm up and he closed his eyes to savour the moment.
His lips were cold and cry, but he smelled the same as he did the day she told him their love story would never end. She pulled the blanket around him too as she lingered on his lips for several more seconds. It broke her heart to part for air as she whispered to him quietly, caught in the moment.
“Still scared?” She said, suddenly anticipating the answer.
“Terrified.”
The Jarlena Journal 