After the Rain – By Sandra B

Marlena Evans-Black was utterly frantic. Accepting the fact that John would rather die than see her be hurt, she gave up screaming for her brand new husband to let her back into the Penthouse. She ran urgently to the door of her nearest neighbor, but there was no answer, then to several others with the same result. This was New Year’s Eve, and the people who lived in her building were fairly young and she concluded that most were out celebrating. Her cell phone was inside the condo, and she didn’t have the keys to her own car or John’s Jeep. Marlena quickly realized the only thing left to do was take the elevator down to the lobby to use a phone to call 911 and pray for the safety of the two men she had loved most in all her life.

As she pushed the button repeatedly, willing it to open, she found herself chuckling almost unwillingly, remembering that she and John had a few teasing arguments about the efficacy of that very act.

           “I know it won’t make the elevator come any faster, but it gives me something to do, Doc,” she remembered John saying in the most recent one, a sweet grin on his handsome face.

           Her response was playfully sexy, and they both enjoyed the banter, “Oh.. if you need something to do while you’re waiting, I can think of something, John… something a lot more.. rewarding than pushing a little button like that.”

           “Ooh, Doc.. do tell, please do tell,” he had said, pulling her body toward his.

           “I can do better than tell you, honey. I’ll show you,” she was saying, as she prepared to plant a passionate kiss…  

A loud noise inside the Penthouse jolted her out of her pleasant reverie. It sounded like.. furniture being thrown down, or was it breaking glass? She prayed fervently, desperate for divine intervention, “Oh Dear God.. please keep them both safe. Be with John… help him stay calm and please Lord, keep Roman from shooting that gun.” She was lost in anxious thought again the moment she finished the short prayer, while still anticipating the arrival of the elevator that would take her to the lobby where she could call Abe Carver and then await his arrival as well as that of the uniformed policemen that were sure to come along.

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John stepped away from the door, holding his hands out in the open, making it very clear that he was unarmed and offered no threat whatsoever to the man with the gun. “I don’t have anything on me, Roman,” he said, forcing the encroaching fear down to a manageable level.

A malevolent smile spread slowly across the ragged features of the other man’s face, “I know.. that’s the beauty of it, I’m in complete control here. I decide if you live or die.. you son of a bitch! You stole her away from me again!” Pointing the gun right at John’s chest, he said with intense hatred,  “I ought to just blow you away right here.. Wouldn’t that make a great headline.. and such colorful pictures… your blood on her beautiful white carpet? The forbidden lover shot by the distraught ex-husband… I bet I could go for an insanity plea and spend a short stay in some nice cushy hospital. Yea.. I think there’s a good case to be made. I mean, after all you both lied to me, you acting like you were happily married to Kristen, Doc pretending that she loved me and wanted to marry me again.” Shaking his head, thinking back on it, “I gotta hand it to you.. you played the role well, John. I never suspected a thing.” Furrowing his brow in disgust and bitter distress, he continued, “And Marlena.. well she deserves an academy award for her performance. She lies so well now.. You taught her that you lousy two-faced bastard! Pretending to be my friend again.. Damm you’re good, Black I bought it all, every damn lie you told me!” He aimed the gun, holding it there for a long lingering moment, enjoying the opportunity to watch John’s terrified reaction.

Time stopped as his wide eyes stared into the short barrel of a police issue pistol. John shuddered and closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable impact of a bullet at point blank range. His breathing was rapid with anxiety, his heart rate skyrocketed, his blood pressure rising in time with it, and he started to sweat and tremble in the instant the gun was leveled again. He heard the sound of his own heart pounding as it slapped against the walls of his chest and acutely experienced every breath he took, thinking it might be his last. When he heard the click of the hammer being pulled back, John shut his eyes tight and braced himself, valiantly squelching the begging whimper that screamed inside him. Imagining the moment in which Marlena saw his blood covered dead body, he spoke to her in his mind, ‘Oh.. God, Doc.. I’m so sorry.. this is all my fault, forgive me.’

Then, when it didn’t happen, he timidly opened his eyes to see Roman break out into fits of maniacal laughter. “Ha…ha, ha.. I scared the hell out of you, didn’t I? Oh, that was priceless, John… I’d pay to see you do that again.. the great hero….John Black, rescuer of damsels in distress, sweating and trembling with fear.”

Still shaking noticeably, John tried to speak, but found no words at first. All he could manage to do was meet the man’s eyes, showing him that he was afraid, but that the fear wouldn’t break him. Finally, he spoke, his voice shaking with anxiety, “Roman… is this what you…really want, to kill me? You think.. that’s going get her back.. shooting me down in cold blood.. in the middle of her living room?”

Pointing the gun threateningly again, he said, “No…but at least you won’t ever have her! You won’t have in your arms or in your BED!! That fact will keep me warm at night for a long time, John,” he said with fierce resentment, the gun aimed toward a much lower target.

Closing his eyes briefly, John labored to shut down the overwhelming fear of being shot and helplessly bleeding to death at Roman’s feet, dying without ever saying goodbye to the woman he loved with all his heart. Dwelling on that possibility was unbearable. Keeping his hands in plain sight, hoping it would help his cause, John confronted the man gently, “Will it, Roman, will it really? Look, I know you’re hurt and angry. Please believe me, we never meant for anything like that to happen. We couldn’t tell you the truth because of your medical condition. The doctors advised us to wait, so we did.” John was decidedly calm in the face of the other man’s severe agitation.

Roman laughed with bitter sarcasm, saying, “Right.. but you couldn’t wait to sleep together, so you snuck around behind my back again! Yea.. there’s always a reason for you to lie, isn’t there? There’s always some grand excuse, some way to shift the blame when your lies are exposed. I don’t care why because it doesn’t stop the pain.. It won’t make these pictures in my head go away.. images of you… with her. DAMN YOU! I HATE YOU! and I want you to suffer for what you’ve done to me, John. You stole her from me once before and now you think you’ve done it again, don’t you? You even have the ring this time.. Well, you’ll never be with her like that again, John.. because you are going to die! Take off the ring.. NOW!!” he shouted, pointing the gun directly at John’s chest again.

The willing hostage glanced apprehensively at his wedding band, afraid to die, yet not wanting to do what was demanded of him. He had made a promise to Marlena and that ring represented his solemn vows to her. Folding his left hand protectively within the right one, he firmly refused, taking it a step further to challenge his assailant, “No.. I’m not going to do it, Roman. You’ll have to kill me to get it.” His eyes were narrow with anger as he stared the gunman down, daring him to do it.

“Okay..” Roman said casually as he fired the pistol without warning, the bullet grazing the muscles in John’s right arm just above the elbow. It stung and started bleeding significantly and he was stunned. John’s gaze was automatically directed to the source of pain, and his left hand moved instinctively to cover the half-inch deep groove made by the bullet. Roman slowly approached, observing as the man groaned and clamped his left hand over the bloody flesh, trying not to fall over from the sudden change in his equilibrium. Snatching John’s bloody left hand away from the wound, Roman quickly but roughly pulled the ring off John’s finger, then shoved him forcefully in the chest, causing him to lose his balance and fall backward over the coffee table, landing hard on the injured arm.

“There… that was easy. Now.. you want to challenge me again, John, ” the abuser said proudly, holding the ring out for John to see it, contemplating throwing it off the balcony a few feet away.

Struggling to rise, John confronted his ex-friend about his behavior, “Oh, Roman.. come on.. this is crazy.. you don’t want to do this. You are a man of the law, a cop… doesn’t that mean anything to you anymore?” John asked, hoping to appeal to something beyond the man’s drunken rage toward his rival for Marlena’s affections. There was something else too, something different in his eyes.. but John couldn’t place it.

Roman fired back verbally with immense frustration, “No… nothing does, without Doc! I don’t care what happens to me.. but I do care what happens to you. I want to watch you suffer, I want to see you beg for your life, John.” He aimed the gun again, this time planning to hit a different target. Speaking derisively he demanded information this time, “Which knee did you hurt in that warehouse.. you know when you and Doc shared that near death experience and you.. *bonded* again… Which one, John?” he demanded angrily, waving the gun around.

John fought back the fear and answered honestly, “The right one… it was the right one. Roman.. please don’t do this!” he pleaded anxiously, as much for Marlena and Roman as for himself. It would destroy her to see his body riddled with bullet wounds, his blood poured out like water all over her home. John’s breathing was growing more rapid with each threatening gesture and he battled to keep the tears at bay as he fought for emotional control.

The gunman only laughed maliciously at the clear indications of fear his victim was exhibiting. Then, he was caustic, “You’re so scared, aren’t you.. do I see tears in your eyes? Poor Johnny.. no one to rescue you. I’ll do whatever I damn well please, you have no control here!” He played with the clip, taking it in and out, over and over again walking around the Penthouse like a lion stalking its prey, making John wonder with trepidation when and where the next shot would come. After making John sweat for a long while, he suddenly put the clip back in, locked it into place and fired at John’s leg. Again, he shot with amazing precision for someone who appeared to be impaired by alcohol, just grazing his rival’s knee, slicing into the flesh just above the knee cap. It was fully meant to incapacitate and cause tremendous pain, but not threaten his victim’s life. The impact made John lose control of his body, sending him sprawling to the floor again.

Grabbing unsuccessfully at the table leg to ease himself down sent picture frames and glass vases crashing to the floor all around him. Ignoring the splintered fragments that made tiny cuts all over the exposed skin of his hands, arms and head as he descended awkwardly to the carpet in front of the couch, John clutched at his wounded leg and cried out in agony. “Roman.. Oh God.. this is so sick! Stop, please stop this madness, and think about what you’re doing here!” John pleaded desperately.

“I’ll stop when I want to stop, when I think you’ve suffered enough and I don’t think you have, not yet.” Roman approached the fallen figure of his enemy and took advantage of his weakness, kicking him in the leg the bullet had just ripped open, eliciting another groan of pain.

Clutching the injured limb and fighting off the encroaching unconsciousness, John cried out another apology, “OH! Oh God… I’m sorry, Roman.. I’m sorry we lied.. Please… don’t make Marlena see me.. all torn up! If you have to.. kill me, just get it overwith. You don’t want her to come in here and see me in a bloody mess, do you? Roman, I know you love her and you wouldn’t want that for her!” The pain was intense, and he wished someone could save him from further suffering, but if that were not to be, he wanted to protect Marlena. His best chance at that was to appeal to the part of Roman that truly loved her.

John’s comments about Marlena were starting to penetrate the alcohol induced rage, “No.. I don’t, you’re right, John. I have a much better fate in mind for you. I’m going to make you disappear into thin air. Just like magic!” he exclaimed, snapping his fingers and smiling with malevolent glee, reminiscent of Stefano Dimera. In that instant John was transported back in time. He was Stefano’s prisoner, at the mercy of a madman’s fancy, his body being tortured, his mind ravaged for some sick purpose he didn’t understand. He turned to his Lord in desperate prayer, ‘God.. please… help me… but if you can’t, if it’s my time.. just.. don’t let Doc.. see me.. torn up and bloody. If I have to die.. please don’t let them ever find my body.. I don’t want her to see it.’ Tears welled up in his eyes and fell without warning. John was prepared to go home to meet his Lord if that were what fate held in store, and yet he was afraid, afraid of the pain, afraid of the moment of passing. As he laid there weeping softly, his beleaguered body fighting off shock, awaiting the next move of his vicious captor, John felt a sense of peace come over him. ‘Have faith my son.. for I am with you,’ he heard a quiet voice saying. God was speaking to his anguished spirit, lending comfort in the most frightening of times.

Roman made a move toward the phone, stepping out of earshot, dialing a number he had memorized for all the wrong reasons. When the person answered, he said, “Don’t talk, just listen.. We seem to have a mutual goal. I have what you want most in all the world. Would you like to have it in your hands tonight? All you have to do is send some men here to the penthouse immediately and I’ll cover your tracks. I’m guessing that we have only another ten or fifteen minutes before the police show up at the door, so you better make it fast and you better come by air.” Roman hung up the phone as he walked back across the room, and stared down at the injured man he had once called friend, thinking how strange it was that he cared nothing for the physical pain the man was suffering at the moment. He watched with morbid fascination as John groaned and tried unsuccessfully to stop the bleeding in two different places. Knowing he needed to do something else to control his hostage, Roman decided to cause emotional pain too. “John, you’re never going to see Marlena again, is there anything you want me to tell her for you?” he taunted.

“What are you… going to.. do with me?” John asked fearfully with rapid tearful breaths, in spite of his desire to remain strong.

Roman laughed again, relishing the fear and anxiety he saw, loving the power he wielded over his enemy’s life and emotions. “What do you think? I’m giving you to the person you belong with, the person who wants you, though I don’t have any idea why. I’m turning you over to the other woman who *thinks* she loves you. You’ll have a good life, John.. once you give in to your fate. You’ll never be coming back to Salem though, so I thought I might help you out with your goodbyes, since you don’t have much time. “

“Tell her, I love her and that she made me the happiest man on the planet when she said the wedding vows to me tonight, when she looked me in the eye and said I do, and kissed me. That was the best I’ve ever felt and when we.. made love afterward I felt complete, I felt whole. You tell her that, won’t you?” John wanted to rub it in now.. to make the other man hurt for what he was doing.

Ignoring the baiting tone, Roman said somewhat pleasantly, “You know what…I think we’ll just skip that part. I’ll tell her you decided that you really loved Kristen and went back with her because you realized that Marlena and I belong together, that I was the man she truly loved and you stepped aside so she could be happy. She’ll buy that…”

John fought the pain, focusing on the anger, “No she won’t, Roman.. she knows I don’t love Kristen any more, that I’ll never love Kristen. Marlena loves ME, Roman and there is nothing you can do to change that fact! You can send me off with Kristen or hand me over to Stefano or torture me to death yourself, but you can’t make her love you! FACE IT!”

“Shut up, John, YOU JUST SHUT UP!!” Roman yelled commandingly, raising his gun and shoving it hard into the space between John’s neck and collarbone.

John, who was laboring to sit up when the latest action was taken, cringed and groaned again, fearing for his life, but kept at it, “Oh.. so, I’m getting to you, aren’t I? Roman.. I really am sorry for what happened, I’m sorry Kristen lied to you when she found you, and I’m sorry we went along with it and pretended we were only friends, but you were sick and we only did what the doctors said was right.”

He couldn’t allow himself to accept that they had good motives, not if he were to keep on hurting his rival. “No.. it was wrong. I don’t believe you. You did it so you could be together behind my back. I think you like the idea of forbidden passion. The danger of being discovered.. Well you’ve got the danger part right. You are in serious trouble here, John.”

John miraculously made it to a sitting position and confronted the gunman one time too many, “Roman.. you’re just lying to yourself, thinking that she’ll love you again, if you kill me or let Kristen take me someplace. She married me, Roman. She’s prepared to spend her life with me… not you. We started that life together tonight and you can’t change that reality no matter what you do! She won’t ever love you again, not the way you want her to.. Stop fooling yourself!”

Roman’s alcohol induced jealous rage flared out of control, and he threw a back handed blow with the pistol leading the way, smashing the right side of John’s head and neck with brutality. Blood gushed out of the wound, before John even went down and out; there was one haunting groan after which the wounded man lay still and silent. “No.. you’re wrong, John! She WILL love me again!” he shouted as he stood over the unconscious bloody figure of a man he’d once called friend.  

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Marlena made it down into the lobby and was able to reach Abe, who was in a squad car and on the radio within minutes. “Oh, my God, Marlena!” was all he had said to her before leaving the New Year’s Bash at Titan, with several others in tow. Bo, Hope, and Lexie, tagging along to help out in any way they could.

As the small group raced out of the restaurant and rode the elevator down to the Titan lobby, Abe told them the horrifying news. “That was Marlena.. she and John were married in secret tonight and somehow Roman showed up at the bed and breakfast where they went afterward. He saw them together and rushed out of there. John tried to stop him from driving away, but Roman slugged John, breaking his nose. Marlena took John to the hospital for treatment and then they went back to the Penthouse. When they got there, Roman was there and he had a gun. As soon as he saw what was happening, John shoved Marlena out the door and locked it behind her. He’s in there alone with Roman, who is very drunk and very angry. Marlena believes that Roman is out of control with jealous rage and might kill John.”

“Oh my God.. Abe. That’s not like Roman at all!” said Hope worriedly, wondering what could make Roman become so violent.

Bo agreed, “Yea, I knew he’d be hurt and angry if he found out, but to pull a gun and threaten John’s life? My God, we have to stop him!” said Bo, afraid for both men he loved as brothers.

Lexie added her two cents, “Oh, Abe.. this could end in a terrible tragedy… I’m so afraid for all of them. Thank God, John forced Marlena to leave.”

Abe nodded grimly, but agreed, frightened for the lives of his two best friends, “Yea.. he’s so brave, Lexie… I pray he can get Roman to calm down and give up the gun before anyone gets hurt.”

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 There was a sudden knock at the window on the balcony. It was one of Stefano’s people dressed all in black. When Roman opened the doors, he saw another henchman. After he assisted them in dragging John toward the french doors, they quickly placed the harness around the victim’s unconscious form, preparing to send him into the air toward the awaiting helicopter. Just as John’s limp body was lifted a few feet off the ground, there was a tremendous crash at the front door, and in fell Bo, Abe, and several uniformed officers. The lawmen were on their feet in seconds, rushing toward the balcony with guns drawn. “Stop right there, Roman.. all of you, release him from that harness, RIGHT NOW!” Abe commanded forcefully.

Roman knew his chance was lost, and he and the henchmen did exactly as they were told. Bo looked at his brother with incredulous disgust, like he suddenly realized that he never knew him and Hope glared angrily at her former brother-in-law as well, while Abe leveled the gun on him. “Drop it, Roman.. drop it now and put your hands up!” Again, Roman complied immediately without a sound, realizing that he had no other choice if he valued his life. While the uniforms apprehended the henchmen, and Abe handled Roman, Bo, Hope and Lexie cautiously unhooked the harness from around John’s battered body and carried him very carefully to the couch, so as not to further aggravate his injuries. By this time, Marlena was there too and she raced to his side, crying with an odd combination of fear and relief when she saw that he was alive but seriously wounded.

Lexie started to examine him while Hope called for the ambulance. “John… can you hear me.. John?” Lexie asked.

Somewhere far away there was sound and a hand on his face, no in his hair.. then pain.. “OW!” he cried involuntarily in response to that touch, and a hand instinctively tried unsuccessfully to move toward the source of pain. The hand wouldn’t do what his brain told it to and it scared him, but he couldn’t hold onto the fearful thought long enough for it to fully penetrate his defenses and register in his mind.

“Honey.. it’s Marlena.. can you hear me, can you see me baby?” his wife asked worriedly.

That voice.. it was so familiar.. should know it.. I do.. know it.. “Doc?” he cried, struggling to open those eyes, but found he couldn’t summon the energy. “Okay?” he asked, desperate to know that his bride was all right.

“Yes.. honey.. I’m fine, I’m right here.” She held his hand, wanting him to feel her presence if he couldn’t see her. “It’s over.. John, it’s all over and everybody’s safe now. You just lie still until the ambulance gets here.”

His voice was barely above a whisper and she had to lean over him to hear it at all, “Roman..so.. angry. I… I..tried.. ring… took…ring. ” That was all he could say before he passed out again. Marlena was confused about what he meant, but suddenly realized what he was trying to say when she glanced down at John’s left hand. The wedding ring was missing, and his fingers were bleeding, due to the fact that it was so roughly removed. “Oh, honey.. I’m so sorry,” she said as she brought that hand to her lips and kissed it softly.

Abe was bringing Roman through the room and as he passed by, everyone stared at the offender in horrified disbelief. The whole episode was so unlike the Roman Brady they knew, and he felt disgusted with himself as his eyes met those of the people who had called him friend and family. It was as if all of a sudden he was back in reality again, like he had some sort of an out of body experience and had just returned.

As he was trying to make sense out of the vicious acts he had apparently committed, the injuries he had inflicted on John, Roman looked up to see Marlena staring at him with intense loathing and then she approached him with a deceptively calm exterior. She glared at him with extreme hatred and he wished he could die to see such utter contempt for him in her eyes. “Give me back my husband’s wedding ring, NOW!” she demanded fiercely, holding out her hand.

Roman absently reached into his pocket, knowing it was there, but not quite remembering how it got there, and handed it to her without a word, suddenly feeling an overpowering sense of shame. She took it and immediately placed it back on John’s hand, not really noticing that the man she loved, though semi-conscious again, didn’t seem to have any response. Then, she went back to Roman and said in harsh tones, “I HATE you.. and I will always hate you for what you just did to him. You make me sick and I hope you rot in prison for the rest of your life! ” As he tried to speak apologetically to her, she spit in his face, then slapped him hard, and turned away. “I will NEVER speak to you again, Roman Brady!” she shouted as he was led out the door in handcuffs. He dropped his head in despair, and tears of regret fell untouched.

John sensed more anger, and he wanted to wake up all the way, to tell her it would be okay, but he couldn’t fight through the layers of darkness. He used every bit of energy he had in another attempt to open his eyes, but his efforts failed again, and he gave up the fight. In another second, she was there again; he knew from the alluring aroma of her favorite perfume, a scent he could never forget. Then, he felt something again; she was touching him lightly on the face and then there was moisture on his cheek, some hint of pressure on a hand.. he wasn’t sure. Did she kiss him? Was she crying? He wanted to hold her, to speak to her and reassure her, ‘Don’t cry Marlena.. don’t cry’ he wanted to say, but he couldn’t move, and he couldn’t make the words go from his mind to his mouth. He was suddenly very frightened…. something was wrong, terribly wrong, but what was it? ‘Help me.. somebody help me!’ he screamed in his mind.

Marlena could see him struggle to speak, and hushed him. Holding his right hand in her left and smoothing a wayward strand of hair with her right, she spoke softly, “Shh, it’s okay, John… don’t try to talk, you rest now.. you just rest, honey. You’re going to be alright, the ambulance is on the way right now.”

Confusion reigned inside him; he was not aware of exactly what was happening, ‘Ambulance… oh..pain, must be.. hurt.’ That was all he had time for as he felt the blackness of a cloudy night sky threatening to envelope him, taking him further away from her with each passing second. ‘No..don’t leave me here… Doc.. don’t go..please.. don’t leave me!’ his spirit cried in terror, as the darkness took complete control. Then there was nothing at all.

She watched her husband fade away and the next thing Marlena knew, there was a hand on her shoulder, and someone was speaking to her, “Marlena… Marlena.. didn’t you hear me?”

He was starting to come around again… there was so much noise.. shoes shuffling on the tile floor, bustling movement all around him, loud commanding voices barking out orders like a drill sergeant, a woman crying in the background.. Who was it? He was so disoriented, but he listened intently and then he knew..  Was she crying for him? It was all so confusing and he needed her desperately. ‘Doc!’ he screamed in his mind.. but the sound still wouldn’t come out of his mouth. No, there was something in his mouth, and his throat was raw, so he gave up. He tried instead to open his eyes again, and this time he found some success, but as he squinted and tried to look out of those exhausted matted eyes.. he saw only blurry images, nothing substantive and it terrified him, so much that he recovered his voice and tried to scream. It came out all garbled because of the tube in his throat. “Doc… where are you? I can’t see! I can’t see, Doc.. MARLENA!!” he screamed. And why *was* there a tube in his throat.. or was it a mask over his face.. he wasn’t sure.. everything was so.. strange, all his bodily sensations mixed up, his mind cloudy. What is wrong with me anyway? I just had a bad bump on the head a couple of flesh wounds, didn’t I?’

Just the sound of his voice frightened her. She didn’t think he could speak with the ventilator and she didn’t understand the words, but to hear the terror in it was nearly overwhelming and she raced to his side in shock at what she thought he had said. “I’m here, John.. I’m right here honey,” she said taking his hand, thinking it would reassure him.

He heard her, but he needed to feel her being close to him and said anxiously, “Touch me.. please touch me, Doc.. Hold my hand, please!” She could barely understand him, but seemed to get the gist of it.

Marlena looked up at Mike and they shared a confused and worried glance. Marlena asked quickly, “Mike, he’s breathing on his own.. can we take the ventilator off.. at least for a little while?”

“All right.. we’ll see how he does, for a few minutes.” Mike proceeded to remove the mask, watching John very closely as he did so. The breaths were quite shallow, but they were under his own power. “I’ll run the blood gases again, and we’ll see what happens. We’ll need to follow the pulseoximeter reading very closely as well,” he said with authority. Marlena nodded grimly as  Mike then stepped back so that she could move in closer. It was very clear from the rapid blinking and the way his eyes darted back and forth that John was very confused and frightened, completely overwhelmed by what was happening to him.

Marlena then attended to the other situation, fighting off the fear herself. “Honey.. I’m holding your hand.. Can’t you feel it?” she asked tentatively.

A look of absolute horror filled his eyes and he shook his head very slightly; that was all he could do, attempting to cry out fearfully, his voice ragged, “No.. No, I can’t feel it! Oh, no.. Marlena? ” Terrified, John put every ounce of energy into moving a hand, a finger, a toe.. anything and wasn’t able to accomplish that simple task. He tried to speak again, but it was so difficult, the emotions were so powerful and they took over for all logical thought processes for the moment. His quivering lips moved, but no sound would come out, the words just wouldn’t travel from his mind to his mouth.

Watching him struggle, Marlena said, “Honey.. your voice is raw from the ventilator.. don’t try to talk.. just be still, it’s going to be all right. I’m here with you.”

Still, he tried to speak, crying out in a raspy whisper, “Oh God.. Doc, I can’t feel anything, I can’t move, I can’t move anything at all! Oh My God, Doc! I can’t see anything and I’m paralyzed!!” He couldn’t ever remember feeling such intense and all encompassing fear in his entire life; this was infinitely worse than what he felt when he thought Roman was going to shoot him to death. The idea of spending the rest of his life in darkness, unable to move or do anything for himself was simply impossible to deal with and John suddenly became hysterical, screaming at them as the adrenaline flowed through every part of his body as the flight or fight syndrome kicked itself in high gear, “Oh.. God! You have to take me off all the machines.. right now! Turn em off…. everything, Mike.. just let me die! Please if you love me, Doc.. you’ll pull the plugs!”

Marlena moved in even closer to hold him, stroking his hair and his cheeks as he reacted to the incredibly shocking circumstances in which he found himself upon awakening. She looked worriedly up at Mike, who immediately began writing orders on John’s chart for various testing procedures. “Oh.. honey.. I know you’re scared, but we don’t know anything yet. These problems might only be temporary. I know you don’t really want to die, sweety.”

His eyes couldn’t deny her the truth she sought, but his mind could, “But, what if they aren’t? What if it’s permanent?” he asked, the terror increasing with the simple act of asking the question.

She couldn’t even allow that possibility to enter her mind and therefore, attempted to reassure him, “We’ll deal with whatever happens.. together honey.. We’re married now, remember?”

For some reason he had forgotten that fact, everything had happened so fast. “Oh, Doc.. I can’t put you through this… No, take me off the machines; if I make it on my own then it’s meant to be.. If I don’t, then you won’t be saddled with an invalid for a husband. Please Doc.. I’m begging you, tell them to turn off the machines, take out all the tubes.. now, please!”

She knew they wouldn’t even consider doing it; John was a young, generally healthy male, and he could very well go on to lead a productive satisfying life, disabled or not. This was simply an acute emotional trauma reaction, but he was so distraught that something had to be done quickly to calm and reassure him, “Honey…I’ll go talk to Mike about it and we’ll be right back, okay?”

He couldn’t bear that, not even briefly, “No.. don’t leave me, please don’t leave me here alone! I’m….scared, Doc!” he said, his lips quivering slightly, his voice soft and shaky.

“Okay.. we’ll talk right here, I’m just going to step away from the bed for a second, but I’ll be right here in the room, all right?”

John only nodded in response, a very slight movement at that; he could move his head and neck, but nothing else. He didn’t want her to move even that far away, but he knew he had to let it happen.

 When they thought they were out of earshot, Mike whispered, “Marlena.. I was afraid of this.. that head wound is.. bad and the swelling is significant there and in the area where his neck hit the table. The paralysis and blindness could only be temporary, but we won’t know anything until we get him down for the MRI.”

“Mike.. what are we going to do? He’s saying he wants us to take him off the life support and the medications. He’s competent, so we can’t deny him his rights.. but if we do what he says.. Oh, Mike!”

We’ll put it before the Ethics Committee if it comes to that. I’m going to try to buy us some time first, though.” Leaving her with a puzzled expression, Mike approached the bed saying, “John.. we want to meet your request, but before we can, I really have to run some tests. If I do what you’re asking and it turns out it wasn’t a permanent or life-threatening problem in the long run, I’m going to be in serious trouble with the medical board. I could lose my license to practice. Do you think you could wait a little while before you make your final decision?”

Just as Mike was counting on, John was so upset that he wasn’t thinking clearly and it didn’t register what Mike was doing. Feeling bad about the possibility of the young doctor losing his license because of him made him change his mind. After a long sigh, he acquiesced, “Okay.. go ahead, Mike.. I don’t want you to get in any trouble because of me.”

“Thank you so much, John.. you’re really doing me a huge favor, I won’t forget that. The orderlies will be here soon to take you down for an MRI and I’m going to go arrange the other tests.”        

  

John sighed again, with anxious exhaustion, but managed to respond, “You’re welcome, Mike.”

Marlena stood back in silent amazement at what Mike had accomplished. She stepped closer and whispered, “Have you ever considered practicing psychiatry? You’re a natural Michael Horton.”

He smiled and said, “Oh, no I just like to dabble a little.. I’ll be back soon.” More seriously, he informed her of the actions he planned to take on her husband’s behalf. “Marlena, I’m going to put in a stat order on all the results and have the GM-1 and high dose methylprednisolone ready the second we know for certain that it’s a spinal cord injury…to minimize cell damage and ward off excessive inflammation.” She nodded grimly and Mike squeezed her hand slightly as a sign of encouragement before exiting.

“Doc.. Doc! Are you still here?” came an anxious query. He heard the door open and close and hoped she hadn’t left him alone. He was so completely helpless; just the thought of being left all alone in the darkness for even a few minutes was overwhelming.

“Yes honey.. I’m right here. I won’t leave you, John. I’m going to stay right here by your side through everything …okay?”

“Okay… thank you, Doc, I love you.” That assurance seemed to calm him and he closed his eyes and allowed sleep to take him. Sleeping was much easier to handle than being awake and powerless, so he let the immense fatigue that settled throughout his battered body take over for the moment, knowing Marlena would be there to watch over him. “Oh, John… sweety, I love you too… and no matter what happens next, baby.. I’ll be here.”

She was sitting in the waiting area with the rest of the family, immersed in dream like memories of the beautiful wedding night that had become more like a nightmare, when she heard her name being called. “Marlena.. Marlena.. Didn’t you hear me?” It took several moments, but finally Marlena realized that Mike Horton was speaking to her. “What.. oh, Mike.. I’m sorry.”

With understanding, he said, “It’s okay. What I said was.. John is in a regular room now and he’s very anxious to see you, I mean.. have you with him.” Waiting until she seemed to be paying close attention, Mike continued, “The MRI has been completed, his other wounds have been cleaned and stitched and we’re waiting on the results.”

“Well, what does it look like so far, Mike.. Is there a clear reason why he’s not moving, why he can’t see?”

” Marlena.. The x-rays were inconclusive. I’ve consulted with Dr. Jacobs in neurology, and the best we can come up with without the MRI and other test results is that the blows to the head and neck caused trauma to the optic nerve and possibly to the spinal cord, either due to the swelling in the area or an actual injury to the cord. From all indications it is the former. We’re hoping that once the swelling goes down in both areas, we’ll see a return of the eyesight as well as to the nerve and muscle function in the rest of his body.”

That sounded a little better… “Oh.. I pray you’re right, Mike…I can’t even believe this is happening. Less than 12 hours ago John and I were as happy as we’ve ever been. I can’t believe that Roman could do such a thing… If I hadn’t seen him there, I would never have believed it.”

“I know… it’s.. mind boggling. I guess he really went off the deep end.”

“Did he… go off the deep end? Or was he in his right mind Mike? I have to know. If he did lose all control, if he was… insane when it happened, I want him to get help. But if he knew what he was doing the whole time.. I want him to be punished to the fullest extent of the law, Mike. And, so help me God.. if John is permanently… disabled because of him…” She stopped mid-sentence and shook those thoughts right out of her head, “Oh, no I can’t even think like that… I just can’t…. not yet!” Marlena forced the nearly crippling fear from her mind.. it was too soon.

“Yes.. it’s much too soon for that, Marlena.” Mike Horton left her to check on some other patients. Within two hours after the injury occurred, Mike had reviewed the films with the radiologist, and he consulted with the neurologist for a few minutes before guiding him toward John’s room. As they knocked lightly then stepped inside the room, the other physician spoke. “Well, the results are in, are you ready to hear what we’ve found?” asked Dr. Jacobs, watching the couple closely for their reaction. It was to be expected; they were obviously terrified of hearing bad news.

Marlena was holding John’s hand and she looked to him for the signal. When he nodded almost imperceptibly, she answered, “Yes… go ahead,” Doctor.

Pulling out a detailed diagram of the spinal cord, the doctor started in, “John.. I’m going to explain this with a diagram for Marlena and then I’m going to help you understand better by showing you some of what I’m talking about with a hands on demonstration afterward, is that all right?”

Feeling thoroughly overwhelmed by the whole ordeal, John’s face was tight with fear he didn’t verbalize in front of the doctors, and again, he only nodded his agreement. Marlena stroked his hair and spoke softly… “We’ll get through this together, John. I’m right here by your side and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be with you through everything, John.”

There were tears in her eyes as she looked to see that his were brimming with them as well. It was all so frightening and he didn’t want the bad news he knew was coming. He couldn’t quite squelch the whimper that begged to come out, and managed to say, “Mmm… Okay, Doc.. thanks.” Marlena’s heart was aching for him as she wiped away a lone escaping tear with her right forefinger. The fact that he couldn’t do it himself made him hurt even more, but at least he could feel her touch; that was something.

“Are you ready?” asked the neurologist after giving the couple a moment to recover and prepare themselves to absorb the difficult information he was about to convey.

Marlena kissed her husband of less than 24 hours on the forehead, then turned back and answered for them both again, “Yes.. please.. tell us everything and don’t sugar coat it.  We need to know exactly what we’re facing.”

Abe was sitting in his office staring at the half completed police report. He hadn’t taken John’s statement yet; that had to wait; his best friend was seriously injured, possibly even paralyzed, and it was all Abe could do not to go down and choke the life out of the other man he had called best friend. It was nearly impossible to believe. Roman Brady, the perpetrator of a vicious crime, taunting and shooting John in two places, watching him lying on the floor bleeding, pistol whipping him, causing him to hit his neck on a table, attempted kidnapping. How could Roman do such hideous things? An officer of the law–it just didn’t make any sense, but then again, so-called crimes of passion never did. And by all rights, this was a highly charged love triangle, like no other. In the back of his mind Abe Carver had sometimes wondered if it would ever turn violent, and now it finally had.

          

Lexie was sitting in a wooden chair across the room from her husband, Bo Brady was leaning against the desk at which she was sitting. They were all stunned, still trying to make sense of the situation, wondering how such a horrible tragedy could have happened. “Oh, Abe…why.. how could he do it? John might be paralyzed for the rest of his life because of what Roman did tonight.”

          

Shaking his head, still not able to believe it himself, her husband answered uncertainly ,”Oh.. Lex, I wish I had an answer for you. Seeing Marlena… with John like that must have been too much for him to handle.. I don’t know.. I just don’t know.”

Bo was working hard to find a way to absolve his big brother in some way, saying, “You know.. he says he doesn’t remember it.. maybe he.. blacked out or maybe he.. really went over the edge. Maybe he wasn’t in his right mind.”

          

“Oh.. you’re talking temporary insanity.. is that it, Bo.. you want to get your brother off the hook!” accused Hope, who had just walked in from seeing John and Marlena at the hospital. She was suddenly feeling the need to ensure the man would be punished for his acts of cruelty. Hope and John were close friends now, much closer than she and Roman were, especially since the jungle trip.

          

“Hope.. how is he?” asked all three of her friends at the same time.

          

At first she was calm, but as soon as her mind called up the visuals, she began to break down in tears again, “He’s…. Oh, you should see him.. he can’t see anything..and he.. can’t move a muscle.. from his neck down. They think it’s only temporary.. but they really won’t know until the swelling goes down. He’s trying to be brave about it, but he’s so.. scared. My heart was breaking for him and Marlena too.”

          

“Oh.. Hope that’s worse than we thought!” exclaimed Abe, in shock.

          

“Poor John.. and Marlena.. she must be a wreck.. My God.. haven’t they suffered enough?” asked Lexie rhetorically.

          

Hope, who was definitely much closer to John now, than the man she used to call brother-in-law, said angrily, “No.. thanks to Roman Brady.. their suffering is just beginning again. I think he knew exactly what he was doing.. and I hope he rots in jail for the rest of his life!”

          

“Hope… there are other possibilities you know.. he could have really lost it.. maybe he needs help or something. We at least need to find that out, right Abe?” asked Bo, still wanting to come up with some reason that Roman wasn’t himself when he took such hideous actions.

          

Abe finally conceded that possibility, saying, “Right.. I talked with Mike about it and he had the paramedics take some blood samples to be analyzed and we’ll have him evaluated by one of the staff psychiatrists from University first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll be going over there to take John’s statement about what happened.. if he’s even up to it by then.” He stopped for a moment, thinking once again how it all seemed like a nightmare that he was going to wake up from any minute. As his mind forced him to accept the reality, he said with a trembling voice, “This is just so.. unbelievable. You know.. I ran into them at the Courthouse, when they were getting married.. He asked me to be his witness once he saw me there. John was so.. happy during the ceremony and right afterward, happier than I’ve ever seen him before, and so was Marlena.. and now to think that all their dreams might be crashing down around them. It just.. makes me sick for them.”

          

Lexie had tears in her eyes, as she spoke about it, “Oh, Abe… me too, they are so good and so much in love. They don’t deserve this; it’s so hard to believe that it could have happened. Doing something like that is so unlike Roman.”

          

Bo stood up quickly, deciding that taking some sort of action was the only thing that had any hope of making him feel even a little better about the gut-wrenching situation. “Well, I’m going down to talk to Roman again, to see if he says anything different than he did when we first brought him in. He was in such a daze.”

          

“That’s because he was drunk, Bo, but that doesn’t remove the responsibility for his actions. He shot John twice and hit him so hard with that gun.. My God, he could have killed John with that blow, it’s a miracle he didn’t. I’m sorry he had to see them together, but I have no sympathy left for him.”

          

Hope was angry and very worried for John and Bo saw no point in arguing with her. “I know.. I’m worried about him too, Hope.. very much. I pray that John will be al lright. I’ll let you know what happens with Roman.” With that he was off toward the holding cell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          

As the guard on duty let Bo inside the holding area, Bo noticed that Roman was lying on the cot, completely still and silent. As he approached and got closer, he realized that his brother was out cold, probably passed out. Bo clanged on the bars a couple of times and was rewarded with a groan. Roman was awake and he sat up gingerly cradling his head in his hands. “Oh.. man.. what a headache,” he said with another groan.

          

His little brother wasted no time on pleasantries, wanting to cut to the chase on John’s behalf, “Roman.. I want to talk about what happened again. Tell me what you remember.”

          

Standing up to look straight at his disbelieving younger brother, he said it again, “Nothing.. Bo, I told you before I don’t remember anything that happened.”

          

“Well, let’s go back to when you do remember, Roman. What is the last thing you do remember?” he asked, squeezing the metal bars of his brother’s cell in frustration, wondering whether Roman was being honest.

          

His face bore a puzzled expression, as if he had to work very hard to retrieve the information, then he said, “I.. uh, remember getting a phone call from someone.”

          

Bo moved quickly, “From who, Roman? Who was it that called you?”

          

The prisoner searched his brain and found nothing. “I.. don’t know.. I can’t remember, Bo. I swear it, I don’t remember a thing that happened.”

          

Again the frustration flared, as Bo wasn’t sure he should believe anything Roman said. After all, he and several others caught Roman in the middle of trying to hoist an unconscious and badly wounded John toward an awaiting helicopter. “You don’t remember seeing John and Marlena at all, you don’t remember being in the penthouse with them, having an angry confrontation with John?”

          

Roman knew his brother didn’t believe him and popped off agitatedly, “No, Bo.. We’ve been over all of this! I’m sorry, but I just don’t REMEMBER!” he shouted angrily.

          

Shaking his head in utter frustration, not knowing what to think, Bo started to say, “I swear it, Roman.. if you’re lying to me..”

          

Roman’s own frustration was increasing. Tired of defending himself, he said, “I’m not lying, Bo… I remember Abe and you taking me out in handcuffs, I remember looking at Marlena crying and seeing that she was so.. enraged with me, I remember handing her the ring.. but I don’t know how it got in my pocket. And I remember seeing John lying there on the couch bleeding and unconscious. You say that I did that to him, but I have no memory of it. I swear it, Bo!”

          

Bo stood up, still uncertain, and prepared to leave his brother alone. “I wish I could believe that, Roman. I’ll know more when I talk to John tomorrow morning. You know he’s paralyzed from the neck down and he can’t see anything. It’s hard for anyone to believe that you don’t remember putting him in that condition.”

          

That was difficult for Roman to face. “Oh, my God, Bo! No..no, I couldn’t have done that to him! Is it.. permanent?” he asked fearfully, as a sickening feeling of tremendous guilt landed in his gut.

          

“They don’t know yet.. there’s a lot of swelling where you hit him with the gun, and the doctor’s are hoping that once it goes down he’ll get his sight back and they’re hoping the same thing as far as the injury to his neck and spinal cord.”

          

Roman couldn’t believe it and was asking himself, how it all could have gone so terribly wrong? He had never intended to hurt the man so much, to rob him of his ability to see or to move. “Oh, my God.. Bo, I’ll admit I was jealous of him, but I swear I never meant for anything like that to happen between us.. I don’t remember what I did to hurt him! Please believe me, Bo!” he pleaded desperately.

          

All Bo could do was stand there and shake his head, still unsure what to think or how to feel about his older brother, the man he looked up to and respected for so long. “I don’t know, Roman.. I just don’t know. I gotta go, I’ll see you later.”

          

He was so torn…. Bo wanted to believe his brother was being truthful, but the images of John’s limp bleeding body lying on the couch kept playing over and over in his mind. And the blood… there was so much blood, on the carpet, on his clothes, on his hands from trying to stop the flow of red liquid from his body as he laid there, at the mercy of a man he had called friend, the tender flesh of John’s right forearm and leg ripped open by two separate bullets. And then.. John seemed so helpless when they’d seen him a short time later at the hospital, lying there with tubes and IV’s in various places, a mask over his face to help him breath, wires and machinery all around him. His normally imposing physical presence was dwarfed by all the medical technology required to support his life and manage and monitor his bodily functions.

          

Bo found tears of fear and sadness for his adoptive big brother forming in his eyes as he walked away from Roman’s cell. Thinking of him reminded Bo of what an active man John always was, how he loved to work out, to run.. so many physical activities. John Black was a man of action, if nothing else. “Oh, John.. you hang in there… it’s gonna be okay.. big brother. Oh, God.. please take care of him tonight and make the swelling go down. Don’t let it be permanent, please… it’ll just kill him!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          

Kristen Blake was sleeping peacefully on New Year’s Eve. It was 3:00 Am and she had finished off the bottle of champagne and gone to sleep soon after her luxurious bath. She had been so intoxicated at the time that she didn’t even recall the telephone conversation she had with Roman and then with her own people directly after that. It was almost like a dream. The shrill sound of an alarm clock set for the wrong time woke her up and then the radio came on.

“This is late breaking news here on Star 105, Salem’s newest station playing your favorites of the 80’s and 90’s. Live reporting from the Salem University Hospital is Steve Edwards. “Hello, Bill, this is Steve Edwards live at University Hospital and the rumors are flying fast and furiously around here about a long-term love triangle that turned violent on New Year’s Eve. Sources say that Salem’s most eligible bachelor, John Black was married in secret tonight to his long time friend and some time love interest Dr. Marlena Evans, a psychiatrist on staff at this same hospital. However, that happy occasion reportedly turned sour when Dr. Evans ex-husband saw them together and then had a violent drunken confrontation with Mr. Black, who has just been admitted with serious injuries tonight. Insiders say that Mr. Black played the hero to Dr. Evans damsel in distress, once again by purposely forcing his new bride out of the penthouse, ensuring her safety, and facing the angry gun toting Roman Brady all alone. No details on the injuries themselves are available; all we know is that he is in critical but relatively stable condition as of this moment.”

          

Kristen bolted out of bed and threw her clothes on. She never meant for anything like that to happen. “Oh, my God.. what have I done?” she asked the empty air around her. “Oh, John… you have to be okay.. you just have to!” she cried. Though she was still impaired, Kristen didn’t even wait for a driver. She raced down the steps, grabbed a coat and keys, jumped into one of the available vehicles and drove herself to the hospital, hoping to steal a moment alone with the man she *loved.* “Oh… John, I never meant for it to turn violent.. oh,.. please let him be okay.. please!”

          

A short time later, she arrived at the hospital and pulled right into the visitor’s garage and went on in, loitering around until she got a fairly good idea of where John’s room was located. She snuck up the stairs so that no one who knew him would try to make her leave. Finally, she overheard some nurses talking about him, “Isn’t that a shame.. I hope it’s like they said, that the paralysis is only temporary.”

          

“Yes.. such a sweet man like that, paralyzed from the neck down.. and maybe even blind too.. Oh, I just feel so horrible for him and for Dr. Evans too. It’s so obvious how much they love each other.”

          

“I know…” said the third young woman, “..and now… all their hopes for the future might be ruined. I hope that Roman Brady.. gets punished to the fullest extent of the law for what he did to that poor man. It just makes me sick!”

          

Kristen was mortified. John was paralyzed… from the neck down because of what she had set in motion. “Oh, God.. I never… dreamed.. something like this could happen. Oh, no.. John!” She had to sit down a minute to absorb the shock. Roman was so angry that he did something violent to John? She vaguely began to recall the telephone call made by him an hour or two ago. He seemed strangely calm, but the anger was there, if she thought about it being there. Roman wanted her to come get the man, and she sent some of her people over to the Penthouse. Kristen never knew that Roman had hurt John in some way, and especially not so seriously. She would never have condoned that kind of mistreatment, for she did love John, in her way, and though she was willing to try taking him against his will, she didn’t want him to be hurt. That was the last thing she wanted.

          

With the flurry of activity around John’s room, she decided she would have to wait to catch him during a moment when no one was with him. As she worked her way back down the hallway, she turned and ran smack dab into someone she didn’t want to see at the moment, Michael Horton, who was on his way back to John’s room. “Kristen.. what are you doing here?” he asked accusingly.

          

“Oh, Mike.. I just heard it on the radio.. about John. How is he?”           

          

“Kristen.. I’m sorry to tell you, but it’s none of your business and I think I should tell you that Abe Carver is looking for you. He wants to talk with you about something.”

          

“Mike.. I want to know about his condition. Will you tell me, please?” she asked pleadingly.

          

“Allright… he’s critical but stable. We’re monitoring his vital signs very closely; he has no feeling or movement below the base of his neck and his eyesight basically consists of blurred images at this point, nothing substantial.”

          

“Oh my God.. Mike this is all my fault.. I did that to him.. I… Oh, No.. I never meant for that to happen, I swear I didn’t!” she said, quite distressed about the end results of her spiteful actions.

          

Mike was so tired.  Somehow not remembering Marlena’s comments about John’s dream earlier in the evening, Mike asked, ” What are you talking about Kristen? You didn’t have anything to do with what happened. It was Roman who did the shooting. What are you trying to tell me here?”

          

Realizing she’d been incriminating herself, she back-peddled. “Oh.. I don’t know what I’m saying…. I’m just so upset about this that I can’t think straight and I feel bad about hurting him in the past, that’s all I meant. Can I please see him for a few minutes? I know that.. everyone.. hates me now, but I do.. care about him.. so much, please Mike?” she pleaded, hoping that the doctor would allow it.

          

Reluctantly, he relented, saying, “All right.. but I’ll be watching and if he gets upset or asks you to leave you have to go immediately. Right now, even the slightest added emotional stress is too much. Is that clear?”

          

There were grateful tears in her eyes as she nodded her head and answered firmly, “Yes, it’s clear. Thank you, Mike, I really appreciate it.”

          

“All right.. but you’re going to have to wait awhilMy love.. I am always with you

Come what may, my love is true

The storms they may be raging

But our love is never failing….

Dr. Jacobs paused momentarily, thinking it would help if his colleague Michael Horton were in the room. He did know the couple and this was a frightening, often overwhelming situation, at best. In the moment he was ready to explain the test results, Mike stepped back inside, having completed his phone calls, “All right, then… it’s just as Dr. Horton and I suspected. The blow to the head from the gun butt caused a brain concussion and there is significant swelling, which we believe is responsible for the blindness. We think it’s only temporary, but we won’t know for certain until the swelling recedes. As far as the spinal cord, again… it’s just as we conjectured. When you fell against the coffee table your neck and spinal cord were traumatized. “

The doctor paused for a moment before continuing. Not seeing or hearing anything to indicate the couple wasn’t ready for more, he proceeded with his explanation of his patient’s condition. “John.. there are 33 vertebrae protecting the spinal column and they extend from the very highest point at the top of your neck and travel all the way down to the base of the spine at the sacrum. It appears that there is what we call a mild incomplete injury, and possibly what is called a spinal cord concussion, which is quite similar to the brain concussion, at about the cervical vertebrae seven level. We’ll have to wait and see which it is as the immediate injury heals. An incomplete injury means that there was some damage, but it will most likely not all be permanent. A concussion would be an even less permanent injury. Within 24-48 hours we should have a clearer picture. In either case, you will probably see some return of functioning and sensation, but there’s no way of determining right now exactly how much, or how long it will take for you to regain the maximum capability.”

          

Again, the doctor paused for them to absorb some of that information before continuing. Marlena’s slight nod indicated that at least she was ready, though it was obvious she was battling for emotional control. John was clearly struggling just to listen at all. He was understandably frightened and overcome by the enormity of his current predicament. Knowing the information needed to be imparted and that the man’s fiancé was a physician and would want details, the neurologist continued. “John….regardless of the long-term outlook… for the time being, you will be considered a C7-8 quadriplegic, meaning that for now.. you will need total assistance with the tasks of daily living: things like dressing, bathing, grooming, toileting. Pretty much everything you’ve been doing for yourself on a daily basis, you now need to have done for you. The nurses will begin a bowel and bladder training program as soon as possible and they will educate you about the details of your injury and its resulting effects on your body and physical capabilities, as well as teach you and Marlena the signs and symptoms of common complications and ways to prevent secondary conditions from developing.”

          

Marlena looked at John and she could see that every word the Doctor spoke was sending him farther away from her, deeper inside himself. The fear was taking a stronghold inside his mind, building a fortress around him and his heart, a fortress she was afraid she might not be able to penetrate. She wanted to stop the physician in his tracks, so that she could talk to the man she loved and keep him with her mentally, but she had to hear what the man was saying.  She knew that John needed to as well, though she sensed he was beginning to tune out all external stimuli and withdrawing from the world.

          

The voice continued talking, but John hardly heard it now; he was fixated on that one phrase, “…everything you have done for yourself will have to be done for you…” It played over and over inside his mind until he thought he would explode with helpless rage. ‘OH GOD! No… please.. just let this be a nightmare.. let me wake up. Oh God… I want it to be a bad dream.. that’s gonna end, please God! You said you were with me.. you made me believe it was going to be all right, but it’s not all right!‘ he was screaming in silence

          

“Once you are medically stabilized we’ll send you over to our Rehabilitation Center. Physical and Occupational Therapy will begin here on the acute side of the hospital, as soon as your injuries heal enough that the pain is tolerable. John, we will do everything we can to help you recover to the maximum of your potential, but a lot of what happens depends on you. I know that this is a lot to deal with right now… but do you have any questions about what I’ve told you so far?”

          

Seeing that it was simply too much for John to take in all at once, Marlena asked the questions, “How long will it be before we have any real indication of what kind of return he’ll get?”

          

“The first week is absolutely critical.. if we see some return of sensation and motor function within the first 24 to 48 hours that will be a very good sign… If there isn’t any movement within the first week, then that will tell us the opposite. It’s a day by day situation at this point. The best we can do for John now, is administer the high dose steroids and the GM-1 to minimize the swelling and resulting nerve cell damage. Then we watch and wait and maximize whatever return we see as the swelling recedes. Now.. John, would you like me to do the hands on demonstration?”

          

He simply shook his head slightly and closed his eyes, fighting back more tears. He didn’t want to cry in front of the doctors, but it was too much to deal with it at the moment. Tears started to flow lightly as he realized he couldn’t even turn his head away from them to hide his eyes. There was some sort of strange brace around his head and neck now, and it was fastened down around his chest too, firmly controlling any movement. All John could do was lie flat on the bed and stare out of mostly blind eyes. It was absolutely terrifying for him, and as hard as he tried, he couldn’t completely hold back the flood of tears.

          

Again, Marlena looked up at the physicians, and said on his behalf, “Maybe later, thank you doctor, you’ve been honest and very informative, and that’s what we need right now.”

          

Mike squeezed her hand before leaving and said, “Call me if you need anything. Hang in there.”

          

John was silent, Marlena nodded tearfully and turned back to her husband. She could see the signs–he was pulling inward, withdrawing from her, from everything. “John.. don’t you give up.. there is reason for hope..”

          

For the longest time he didn’t say anything at all and she was desperate to make a connection, to keep him focused on external reality, on something positive. “Honey.. please.. don’t close yourself off. Talk to me.. tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.”

          

“Hope,” he said sarcastically through moist eyes, “yea.. right.. hope. That was a lot of I don’t know, maybe and we’ll wait and see. They don’t know anything! I could be like this for the rest of my life, Doc! I told you to have them pull the plug and you didn’t! I am so ANGRY with you!” he shouted as loud as his limited lung capacity would allow. His expression was searing, and the undercurrent of helpless all encompassing fear was heartbreaking to witness.

          

Marlena was weeping with terror about what the future held in store too, but she argued her point firmly, “No you’re not.. you’re scared, John! You’re scared to death.. but you know what.. so am I! I’m scared enough for both of us, but we took wedding vows tonight, John, remember? For better for worse, in sickness and in health. Well, I meant them, did you?”

          

His voice trembled and his lips quivered as he spoke to her about it, “Oh, of course I did.. Marlena.. but I never thought… Oh, God Doc.. I can’t go to the bathroom, I can’t… even turn my head now, Doc! I can’t see you and I can’t move anything! I’m so afraid, Marlena.. Oh, God I’m so scared!” he cried out in agony about what lay ahead for him, for both of them. “Doc.. what if.. What if I’m always like this?” he asked her in desperation.

          

After wiping the moisture from her eyes, she started gently stroking his hair, and shared her feelings with him, “Oh, honey… me too. I’m frightened out of my mind, but I’m here, baby…. I’ll always be here, John. I am your wife and I will NOT leave you, no matter how bad it gets.. because I love you, and you have to believe in me, and in us, and accept that fact.”

          

“Oh.. Doc, I do… I love you so much.. I just don’t want to be a burden to you.. You deserve so much better.. I wanted.. Oh, Marlena.. we didn’t even get to have a honeymoon.. I’m so sorry!” He was fighting back the choking sobs that beckoned, wishing it all away, going over the incident in his mind, “I never should have tried to sneak off and get married.. it’s all my fault. If I just would have been more patient.. this wouldn’t have happened. Please forgive me, Doc!”

          

Touching his face again, she admonished him, speaking passionately of her joy about their time together earlier in the day, “John… you stop it right there! You made me feel so happy today.. so cherished.. so.. loved, and being with you at the bed and breakfast in the woods was so amazing. I got to dance with you as your wife, and the love we made.. it was wonderful, John. It was magical.. like a dream come true and I don’t regret it at all. You did nothing wrong and this is not your fault. It’s Roman’s.” She felt the rage burning inside her as the images of John’s bloody body lying helpless on the couch at the Penthouse came to mind.  “He did this to you and he will pay for it, John. I promise you that.”

          

“Marlena… I tried to calm him down, to get him to face the truth, Doc.. but he was wild, out of control. He was so drunk.. and so angry and bitterly jealous. I guess I shouldn’t have been so confrontational.. I didn’t think he would really.. shoot me. I should have…”

          

“No..John.. don’t do this, don’t second guess yourself. You did the best you could with a horrible situation. And you survived honey.. you’re alive and I thank God for that. I thank God, John.. because.. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you honey.. and you…saved my life, John.. You are such a hero to me!” Marlena was sobbing, crying harder than he was at that point, but it was a tossup. She leaned down over him, wishing she could actually hold him to show him how much she loved him and how much she appreciated what he sacrificed for her.

          

John returned that passion as he told her what he was thinking at the time, “You know I’d do anything for you, Marlena. All I could think of was getting you to safety; whatever happened to me didn’t matter at all. You are more important to me than anything else on the planet and I’d do it again in a heartbeat, Doc.”

          

Still crying, amazed by the unselfish nature of his love, she expressed hers for him, “Yes, I do know that, and I love you for it. And I would do anything for you too, including whatever it takes to get you out of this bed and walking again. You can be angry with me, you can scream and yell at me, you can curse at me…. anything, John.. if it helps you get well. I’ll take it all because you are worth it, honey. I love you so much!”

          

John was moved by the depths of her love also and he found it motivating. “Oh, Marlena.. you amaze me, lady.. I love you so much.. I won’t give up, Doc. I promise you…once I… get.. past the.. shock of it, I’m gonna fight with everything I’ve got and then one day.. we’re going to have a real wedding with all our friends and family, and I’m going to walk into that church and stand up front waiting for a vision of loveliness called Marlena Evans to glide gracefully down the aisle to me,” he finished proudly.

          

“That’s Marlena Evans-Black, my dear and don’t you ever forget it.”

          

He actually smiled at that thought. “Yea.. that’s right.. you’re my wife now. Mrs, John Black.. I kinda like the sound of that. So, Doc… how do you like the honeymoon suite? I picked it myself,” he said, trying to make himself laugh through the tears.

          

Marlena smiled, thinking how incredible he really was to even be able to joke at all. She scooted the chair over and snuggled up closer to his face, saying encouragingly, “Oh, honey… it’s alright, baby.. somehow it’s going to be alright.” They fell into an exhausted sleep and rested for a few hours that way, Marlena’s head lying as lightly on his chest as possible.

As the sun’s rays began to filter in through the mini-blinds, the occupants of the room began to stir. John’s eyelids fluttered and he blinked rapidly several times, trying to make sense of what was happening. Then he figured it out, there was hair in front of his eyes.. it was Marlena’s hair and he couldn’t just feel it, he was seeing it. “Doc.. wake up.. honey.. I think.. I think I can see, Doc!” he said excitedly.

          

She popped to attention at those words, “What.. oh… John.. what did you just say?” she asked, willing what she thought she heard to be true. Please God, let it be true.. give us anything positive to build on, she thought.. just something!’

          

For her benefit as well as his own, he said, “I think I can.. see your hair.. I can… see the shape of your face.” It was becoming a little clearer as time passed.

          

Marlena started weeping with joy, as she came to realize that it wasn’t just wishful thinking, he might actually be regaining his sight, “Oh, John… I’m so glad.. honey. What else.. tell me what else,” she said anxiously.

          

“Uh… the sun.. the sunlight.. it’s coming through the window.. it’s morning now… right?”

          

“Yes.. oh, yes.. John… YES!” she cried, weeping tears of joy. At least there was some hope now. “I’m going to get the specialist, I’ll be right back.” She started to leave and then stopped, realizing she’d forgotten to kiss him. Leaning down over him, she kissed his forehead and then his lips. She wanted him to feel good and she made the kiss long and lingering and didn’t stop until she heard him moan slightly.

          

He didn’t want her to go, but somehow it was all right this time, “Oh.. Doc.. I love you.. It’s okay.. go on.. you know I’m not going anywhere.”

          

Marlena raced out the door, and was surprised to see Mike and the Opthamologist at the nurses’s station already. It was very early on New Year’s Day now. She wasn’t about to question it, however, and she cried with excitement, “Mike.. John’s getting his sight back, he could see my hair and he knows the sun is coming up; he saw the rays coming through the window, and he could see the shape of my face!”

          

Mike was so pleased to see her smile and speak with such enthusiasm. It was a relief to him that there was some good news early on. It would give John some hope to build on. “Oh, Marlena.. that’s great news!” he said. Then he and Dr. Bill Carrigan, who had been called in to address that specific problem, smiled at each other, having just talked about this hoped for this turn of events. Then, the two men rose and followed her quickly back to the room.

1. Right now, Dr. Jacobs is talking with John and Marlena. I stepped out to answer a call and I’m heading back in there.”

          

As the physician walked away, Kristen sank down in one of the small bench style couches to wait for her moment. “Oh, John… it really is my fault. What was I thinking? If I hadn’t called Roman to go up there so that he would see you with Marlena, he never would have been so angry with you, he never would have pulled out a gun. Oh, my God.. what have I done? What if his paralysis is permanent?”