When I was a little girl, my mom would tell me about love. About the love you find in fairytales. I thought my parents had that love. They were so amazing. My mom told me one day I’d find that love. She said I’d find my prince charming and he’d sweep me off my feet.
I obviously believed her when I was young, because she was my mother and she knew everything. But as I grew older, I started to realize that fairytale love was almost non-existent. I never thought I’d fall in love like I dreamed of. But I always kept a small part of my mind open to love, because who doesn’t want a fairytale romance?
When I was twenty, I met a man, a man who I thought was my Prince Charming. His name was Brian, and he was the most incredible man I had ever met. He would do anything for me. Anything and everything. I used to think that I was dreaming when I woke up in his arms.
We went out for almost five years. Those were the most wonderful five years of my life. We would talk about marriage and our future all the time. Everyone was so surprised when we broke up. I could have stayed with him forever, but once we started talking about what we wanted in the future, we realized we had different desires.
Breaking up with Brian was the hardest thing I ever had to do up until that point. It tore me up inside. But we both knew we had to break up for our own good. We wanted different things. We had different dreams.
I used to have the most elaborate dreams for myself and my life. But one day last year tore those dreams right out of my heart. I came home from work one night. I was so worn out from work, but I followed my usual routine…..Check the mail, feed the cat, change into comfortable clothes, and listen to my phone messages.
But that night wasn’t like any other. I pressed play on the answering machine and began listening to friends and family speak. Then I heard his voice. It was Brian. My heart started to dance just listening to him, but there was something different in the way he spoke. He sounded drained, like he had been up for days.
When I started listening to the words coming from the machine, my heart started to beat incredibly fast. I fell to my knees and started crying uncontrollably. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I saved that tape. Not really to remind myself of the horrible things he told me, but to just remind me of what could happen to me if I gave up on living.
That night…Brian told me we had AIDS. And right there on the phone he said goodbye to me. He told me he always loved me, but he couldn’t bear to live anymore. I heard a gun go off and the phone line went dead.
Some nights I just curl up on my bed reliving that moment in my head. I’m still trying to grasp the fact that I have this uncurable disease living inside me. It’s more than I can handle.
But I know I can’t give up on my life. The hardest thing I have to do everyday is find another reason to keep living. Because I won’t ever look at my life and say that I’m dying…because all I want to do is live…..and love.
I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Marlena Evans and for the last year I have lived with an illness which in essence will kill me. I’ve gone through everyday taking meds, injecting myself with God knows what and everyday I ask myself for what? I’m not giving up on life, I date, I shop, I have a job . . . but in the end I know I’ll be out of here before a lot more people. And as for dating, when I do do it, it’s for about five months until things get serious. I never tell guys I have AIDS . . . it’s like for once I want to find someone and have them love me before they find out my secret . . . but just when it’s time for things to get . . . well intimiate, I freak out and break up with them. I guess none of them were special enough that I felt compelled to tell them. But there was, there *is* a part of me that longs for that love . . . the movie love, storybook love, and if I had one wish before I died it would be to feel what Julia Roberts and Richard Gere had in Pretty Woman . . . but hey a girl can dream can’t she?
*******
“Yes, I’ll be there at around 12 tomorrow. Yup, see you then. Yeah you too,” Marlena giggled as she hung up her cell phone in a local cafe just inside the small town of Salem.
“Boyfriend?”
Marlena looked over to her left to find a young man, sitting next to her. His blue eyes sparkled as he spoke, a smile lit up on his face that brightened up the entire room. His brown hair was short against his neck, his voice deep and sexy.
“Excuse me?” she laughed, “That’s a rather personal question, don’t you think? Do you do that to everyone you meet? Listen in on their phone conversations and guess who they’re talking too?”
“Only when I see beautiful women sitting all alone, talking on a cell phone. See, I’ve done research and I’ve figured that women that look like *you* must have a boyfriend. I mean take your eyes . . . they have these small diamonds in the center and the hazel color well it shines. And your hair, those locks shine like that sun out there. So I figure if you have no one here with you, the person on the phone must have been him,” John said simply, getting up to sit at her table.
She raised her eyebrow and laughed, waving her hand in the air. “Yes, please sit down,” she said sarcastically. “So who are you? You’re trying to pick me up and I don’t even know you’re name.”
“My friends call me Nova . . . as in Casanova, but you beautiful, you can call me John . . . John Black. And your name?”
“Instead of my name, how about I give you my number,” she winked, pulling a piece of paper from her bag. She scribbled something down quickly and handed it to him, picking up her bag, about to leave. “Good-bye Mr. Black, call me soon.”
He watched as she walked out of the cafe, her blonde hair bouncing with every step she took. He looked down at the piece of paper and laughed when he read it. “You want to call me, call 1-800-YOUWISH.”
He looked back outside to find the mysterious women gone but when he looked back down again he saw something he had missed before . . . her black cell phone was lying on the table. “Bingo,” he smiled, walking out of the cafe.
“So let’s see who this mystery woman is,” John said sitting in his Jeep Cherokee looking at the cell phone. He pressed the menu button hoping to find some stored phone numbers. “Bingo,” he said looking at the screen on the phone that read ‘Phonebook.’ “Let’s see if I can find a clue as to who that woman is.”
He scrolled through the numbers and names, clueless. He couldn’t find anything that could actually help him until he came across something that seemed all too perfect.
“Her work number. This is perfect. Let’s find out who that pretentious blond really is,” he said pressing the call button. The phone rang about two times when a young woman’s voice answered.
“Bella Magazine. Editor-in-Chief, Marlena Evans’ secretary speaking.” John pressed the end button after hearing everything he needed to know to find the woman from the cafe.
***
“Shit. I’m late.” Marlena said looking at her watch. She pulled into the Bella Magazine lot and exited her car. Straightening her skirt, she grabbed her briefcase and walked quickly inside.
“I hope my 12 o’clock meeting isn’t here yet,” she said heading to her office.
“Miss Evans. You have several phone messages and your 12 o’clock is waiting in your office,” Marlena’s secretary said handing her several slips of paper.
“Damn. Ok can you tell them I’ll be in there shortly? I need to take care of something.”
“Of course Miss Evans,” the secretary stood up from her desk and headed into Marlena’s office.
Marlena walked into the bathroom and locked herself in one of the stalls. She put down the seat of the toilet and sat down, putting her head in her hands. She took out a bottle of water and a pill bottle.
“AZT break,” she mumbled sticking the pill in ther mouth and swallowing. Tears trickled down her face, but she brushed them off and stood up heading to her office for her meeting.
Marlena sat at her desk, filing through the latest papers for the newest issue of Bella. She glanced at her watch and signed, reaching for her bag.
“No way am I making it to the doctor’s tonight,” she mumbled, trying to find her cell phone. “Damn it, where is it.”
“You looking for this?”
Marlena looked up at the door and smiled. “Cassanova isn’t it?” she asked slyly, “What in heaven’s name are you doing with my phone.”
“You left it at the cafe,” John said shrugging his shoulders, walking into the room. “I know every woman has two necessities in her life. One is her trusty makeup bag, I have come to realize that if a women doesn’t have her eyeliner, mascara, or foundation she will just die and the second is her cell phone so being the nice gentleman that I am, I thought I’d return it,” he winked handing it to her.
“Well thank you, I was actually just looking for it.”
Marlena took her phone and returned back to her work not even noticing John was still in the room. She turned around to look at him, her eyebrow raised in question as she twilred her pen around in her mouth.
“Can I do anything else for you, Nova?” Marlena asked.
“Go out with me tonight. I can see your busy with work, but we all need to live a little. There’s this hopping new club over in Hewlett, what do you say?” John asked hopefully.
“Um, I can’t. I, uh, I haven’t been to work in a few days and I have a lot to catch up on. I’m sorry, goodbye,” she said turning back to her work.
“Oh come on Marlena, you’re the editor in chief of Bella Magazine, I’m pretty sure everyone will understand if you take one night off.”
“Why are you persuading this?” Marlena questioned, looking up.
Her eyes melted into his deep blue ones and more than anything she wanted to give him a chance . . . he had something about him that made her smile, something that knew how to melt her heart although she knew nothing about him. But the harder she thought about it, the more she knew it was wrong for her to date him. It was bad enough living with AIDS but trying to date with it was worse.
“So answer me? Why do you want to take me out so badly?”
“Geez, Marlena, I just wanted to get to know you, calm down.”
“No, instead of me calming down, why don’t you get out?” she snapped, turning her head to stare at the pile of papers on her desk.
She heard as John moved out of the room and exhaled, tears forming in her eyes.”God damn it,” she mumbled throwing her bag against the wall.
John Black stood against the wall outside Marlena’s office, his hands over his face. “Good going Cassanova,” he mumbled as he walked out of Titan Publishing.
Marlena sat down on the couch in her living room and sighed. She looked at all the junk food she had set out on the coffee table and tears began to form in her hazel eyes. “Why do I do this to myself?” she said lying down on the couch, digging her head into one of the pillows and crying.
She replayed the previous afternoon in her head. She focused in on John Black’s handsome face, his distinct features that sent Marlena’s heart into a tailspin. She focused in on his gorgeous blue eyes that seemed to look right through her….to his lucious lips, that she could only dream of kissing.
Tears continued to flow from her eyes as she cursed herself for being so afraid of guys after what had happened with Brian. But who could blame her for being scared? She kept wondering if she really had to swear off all men until she died, or if she would find the one man who would live right by her side until she left the world.
She sat up suddenly when she heard her cell phone ringing. Her eyes darted to the clock across the room: 12:00am. “Who on earth is calling me now?” she wondered as she darted to her purse that was in the kitchen.
“Hello?” she spoke lightly into the phone.
“Marlena?” a deep voice said.
“Who is this?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you,” he said hanging up.
Marlena stood there listening to the dial tone, confused. Frustrated, she dialed *69 to see who it was. “555-6789? Who is that? Let’s find out,” she said dialing the numbers.
“John Black,” the voice on the other line said.
Marlena gasped, “Why did you just hang up on me?” she questioned.
“Marlena. I’m sorry. I just…I wanted to hear your voice.”
She could feel herself blushing. “You know it’s not very nice to hang up on someone and not even tell them who you are.”
“I am very sorry Marlena. I knew I shouldn’t have called. I mean you already basically told me I have no chance with you. But I can’t help pursuing you.”
“Why is that?” she wondered.
“Because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And that’s not just a line. You are gorgeous. The way your silky hair bounces on your shoulders as you walk. Or the way your eyes continously sparkle. And your voice is so soothing and sexy. I just can’t give up on you.”
“I’m sorry Mr. Black….but you just might have to.”
“Why are you so against me taking you out on one date? You really have nothing to loose.”
“How’s that?”
“Well you don’t really want to go out with me in the first place, so even if you can’t stand me after one date, you won’t be unhappy about it. And God forbid you like me, we can go out again!”
She giggled. “Well, if you put it that way…”
“Is that a yes?”
“Ok…I will go out with you Mr. Black.”
“GREAT! How’s Friday at 8 sound?”
“Perfect.”
“There’s just one thing….”
“Yes?”
“Call me John,” he said hanging up the phone.
She ended the call on her cell and plopped down on the chair in the kitchen, a huge smile was stretched across her face. “I’m going on a date!” she squealed.
“I have a date tonight, I have a date tonight,” Marlena sang as she rummaged through the new clothes she had bought earlier that day.
Butterflies were flying through her stomach as she thought about John Black. They had met only twice, for no more than five minutes but she couldn’t help but feel as if she wanted him in her life.
She held up her new pink dress and grunted, throwing it onto the bed. “Pink makes me look like I am five, ugh,” she commented throwing the dress onto her bed. She picked up a baby blue sleeves dress and held it against her body. “The color matches his eyes, I’d be way to distratced, ughh, I can’t do this,” she screamed, falling onto the bed. She heard as the phone next to her rang and she rolled over picking it up.
“Hello.”
“Is the news true? Is *the* Marlena Evans going out on a date tonight?”
Marlena laughed as she sat up in bed. “Well if it isn’t my big brother,” she teased. “How’d you find out anyway? No wait, let me guess. Mom has probably told all of Coral Springs that her baby girl *finally* has a date. No really Ky, how did you find out.”
“Mom,” Kyle laughed. “She called me this morning and told me. So seriously babe, tell me about him.”
Marlena leaned up against the frame of her bed and smiled, playing with the black spaghetti string dress lying beside her. “Kyle, he’s . . . I don’t know. I mean I only met him twice and I just can’t stop thinking about him. He has these bright blue eyes that always have stars shining in them and his smile . . . I can’t even describe what his smile does to my heart. But I’m so scared Ky . . . I already feel like this and I barely know him, I’m petrified,” she replied as her voice softened, close to tears.
“I know you are honey, but you know what? If he *is* Mr. Right, then this all would have been worth it. Marlena, you are not a bad judge of character, you know people from the moment you meet them, I have a feeling this guy is for keeps. And if he’s not, don’t you think it’s better to know then to wonder if he *could* have been the one?”
“I guess so. Listen Ky, I need to get ready but I will call you tomorrow and let you know how things went. I love you.”
“I love you too sis. Just have fun!”
****
Marlena finished applying her lipstick as the doorbell rang, her heart jumping into her throat. She pulled her dress down so it sat just above her knees and she fluffed her golden blonde hair slightly before walking to the door. She opened it to reveal John standing there, one red rose in his hand, a suit on his chizled body. She inhaled deeply, her breath slow and uneven.
“This is for you,” he smiled handing her the red rose as he became mezmorized by her. Her black dress sparkled in the soft moonlight streaming through her windows, her blonde curls hung freely around her sculped face. A small Tiffany chain hung from her neck, the diamond in the center lighting up her face. “Um, there will be another eleven roses at some point tonight and tomorrow, it’s just a little surprise,” he smiled as he held out his hand for her.
She smiled and took his in her own as they walked out of her apartment, both of them not knowing what to expect.
****
“Truth or dare? Come on, I went to the next table over and asked if they had a tampon to spare, now it’s your turn,” Marlena laughed as her and John sat outside an elegant Italian resteraunt.
“Fine, fine, you deserve it. Hmmm, I’ll pick truth.”
“Okay, what’s with the Cassanova nickname? Are you a player?” she asked, her eyebrow raised in question.
A laugh escaped John’s lips and he smiled, taking a sip of his water. “No I’m not a player. When I was in college, my fraternity brothers were always getting all the women and I just wasn’t,” he laughed. “So I bought one of those ‘How To Get Your Ladies’ book and one of the lines was to make up something about Cassanova. Well I made up that cheesy line, ‘My friends call me Nova, as in Cassanova.’ The girl completely laughed in my face and my brothers made fun of me forever! When I saw you, the line just came to me, I was so nervous,” he admitted as he blushed slightly.
“That’s sweet,” Marlena smiled. “Do you mind if we head home soon? I had so much fun tonight, I just have work in about six hours and I definetly need some sleep,”she laughed.
“Sure, if you promise me we can go out again soon. After all, I kinda forgot about the roses.”
“Yeah I’d like that,” she smiled.
****
The limo pulled up to Marlena’s apartment building as he walked her to her door.
“I had a really fun time tonight Marlena, thank you,” John said softly as he moved into Marlena, gently placing his lips onto hers. Their kiss deepened, sparks ignited for what seemed like minutes until Marlena pulled away.
“Um, actually I don’t know if I can see you again, I’m sorry,” she rushed as she pushed herself into the doorway, unshed tears pouring down her cheeks.
“What is wrong with me?” Marlena said outloud as she sat up in bed, remembering what had happened the night before. “I always meet the greatest guys, who actually want me…and I push them away!”
She jumped out of bed and headed to the bathroom to get ready for work. When she returned from the shower, she noticed the light on her answering machine blinking.
“Hmmm. Wonder who it is,” she said pressing the “Play” button.
“Hey sis! I just wanted to find out how the big…”
She hit the “Fast Foward” button, so she didn’t have to be reminded about what she had done at the end of her wonderful night with John.
“Hi,” the next message started, “Umm This is John. I just wanted to apoligize for last night. I mean, I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward. I’m just…I’m sorry.” As Marlena heard the click of the phone as he hung up, tears began to form in her eyes.
“DAMN IT MARLENA! What is wrong with you?!” she collapsed on her bed in tears.
***
Marlena headed straight for the bathroom when she arrived at work. She sat down in one of the stalls and took her AZT for the day.
“I am so sick of this!” she said throwing the bottle of pills on the ground. She broke down in tears when she heard the door open.
“Ms. Evans?” Brenda, her secretary said.
She cleared her voice and wiped her tears from her cheeks. “Yes?”
“There is someone to see you out here.”
“Who?”
“He says his name is Nova.”
Marlena choked up, knowing exactly who it was. “I’ll be out there in a second!”
“Very well, I’ll have him wait in your office.”
“Thank you,” she said standing up in the stall and trying to gather up some of her pills. She went to the mirror and glared at her reflection.
She was a mess, but she tried to fix herself up before setting foot outside. And she also wondered why she was trying so hard to impress a man that she had alienated.
“So, Nova, what are you doing here? Marlena asked, walking into her office, shutting the door behind her. She watched as John turned around, his blue eyes shining brightly against the sunlight outside, a pair of wire rimmed glasses shaping the origin of his eyes.
“I brought these for you,” he said uncomfortably, as he took eleven roses off of her desk. “Things went a little . . . well I didn’t get to give these to you last night and I just had them sitting in my car so I figured I may as well give them to you.”
He handed them to her gently, walking towards the door, as he felt Marlena’s hand grip his upper arm. “Wait, John, I think we need to discuss what happened last night. I’m really sorry I flipped out on you like that it’s just that . . .”
The ringing of John’s cell phone interrupted them as he held up his hand. “I’m so sorry, but I need to take this call, it probably has to do with one of my classes, it will only be a second.”
Marlena nodded her head as John answered his ringing phone. “Hello? . . . Look Paul, it has to do with the unit and I honestly don’t think that a bunch of 19 year olds are going to want to watch The Ryan White Story so in my opinion we should show And The Band Played On . . . I don’t know, I saw it when I was 17 in high school and it was an amazing movie . . . believe me, the girls will love it Richard Gere was in it, so just go stop by Blockbuster and pick it up, all right? . . . Okay, see you in an hour, bye.”
John hung up his phone and turned around to face Marlena again. “I’m terribly sorry, my partner has no idea how to plan a cirriculum. It’s tough being a university teacher, those kids would rather be asleep or partying than in a Human Science class. Anyway, I’m sorry again.”
“And The Band Played On? You’re doing a unit on AIDS?” Marlena asked quietly.
“Yeah. It’s a great movie, have you ever seen it?”
“Um, yeah. In high school . . . really touching movie.” Tears began to form in her eyes as she wiped them away quickly, her reality setting in far to much.
“Hey, why are you crying?” he asked, walking over to her, wiping her tears with his knuckle. “It’s only a movie, come on don’t cry . . .”
She backed away from him, tears sliding down her cheeks as she bit down on her lip, almost drawing blood. “Only a movie? No John, it’s not only a movie. Do you know how many people die a year of AIDS? It’s not a joke, John,” she said defensively.
“Whoa, I never said it was one! All I was saying was . . . you know what? I’m not going to stand here and defend myself when you are the one screwing up what could have been an amazing relationship,” he said, walking towards the door.
“Wait a sec, how am *I* screwing this up?” she yelled.
“Well, let’s see, starting with last night when you totally just blew me off and then I come here today to try and make amends, to be nice and give you roses and what do you do? You start in on a lecture about how AIDS is not a joke!”
“First of all, there was no lecture! You know what, I’m not dealing with this right now, I have a supervisor meeting to attend and I need to put together the next issue of Bella, so I’d appreciate it, if you’d leave,” she said walking towards the door and holding it open.
“Whatever,” John mumbled walking out of the door, both of them feeling like failures at the one relationship they both thought could work.
Two weeks went by since the last time Marlena had seen John. The first couple of days after the disagreement they had, Marlena sat by the phone waiting for a call. Then as the week wore on, she debated whether or not to call him. By the begining of the second week, she realized she had to give up on yet another relationship.
On her way to work, Marlena stopped at Java Cafe for a morning latte. She sat down at one of the empty tables and opened up the Salem Chronicle. She sipped her coffee and tried to block out the rest of the world.
But out of the corner of her eye, she spotted something in the distance….someone in the distance. It was John. He was sitting on a bench near the movie theatre sipping a cappuccino. He looked so handsome….as always. He was dressed in a nice, tight black shirt that excentuated his bulging biceps and form-fitting khakis.
Once Marlena realized she was staring, her eyes darted back to her paper. But when she looked up again, just to get one more glance at John, she saw something very unexpected. A petite red-head was sitting next to him. She was all over him, running her hands through his hair, kissing him. Tears began to form in Marlena’s hazel orbs as she threw down her paper on the table and headed to her car.
***
Marlena threw her briefcase into her car and got in quickly and started up the ignition. She wiped the tears from her eyes, adjusted the rear-view mirror, and sped off as fast as possible. She darted in and out of the way of other cars and headed towards the freeway.
***
From the bench where John was sitting, he could see the parking lot. And he watched as a very familiar looking car sped through past other cars.
“It couldn’t be,” He muttered.
“What’s wrong sweetie?” Jessilyn said.
“Nothing. I just thought I saw someone I knew. It’s nothing baby.” He said stroking her silky red hair.
As he gave her a little peck on the lips, he coudln’t help but think about Marlena and if that was her car or not.
***
Once she reached the freeway, she went in the opposite direction of work. She didn’t know why. She didn’t know where she was going. She just wanted to drive. Far away from what she had just witnessed.
Tears were streaming down her face. She turned up the radio to full blast, trying to drown out what she was thinking and feeling. She hated this feeling she kept experiencing. This feeling of losing someone that could have turned out to be the best thing for her.
She kept questioning all the mistakes she had made in her head. Why she always let the great ones go. Why she could never hold onto a relationship because she was so scared of eventually losing them once they found out her secret. She hadn’t experienced love in so long, and she wondered why her heart wouldn’t let her try to experience once more.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” Marlena said out loud as she banged her hands against the rim of the steering wheel. “Why do I push them away? Why? All I want is love, but I won’t even let myself *fall* in love.” Tears began to stream down her face.
She pushed her foot down heavier on the gas and sped down the highway darting in and out of other cars. Horns were honked, but she continued driving crazily. She didn’t even know where she was going. She just wanted to be far away from John Black and his new whore.
***
“Jessalyn darling, I am so sorry, but I forgot I had an important appointment in a little while.”
“What appointment?” She asked suspiciously.
“It’s nothing. Just an eye check up. I completely forgot about it. I’m sorry baby. I will call you tonight, ok?” He lightly kissed her on the lips and got up from the bench.
“All right.” She said sadly. “I’ll miss you.” She frowned.
“Me too.” He said kissing her again and darting to his car in the parking lot.
He started the ignition and sped out of the parking lot. “That was definitely Marlena speeding out of here. I have to find her.” He mumbled to himself.
***
Marlena was darting in an out of traffic like a crazy woman. Her face was covered in tears. And in the blink of an eye a car cut in front of her and she had no where to go except off the road.
She swerved off the road into the grass and didn’t have enough room to stop before she crashed right into a huge oak tree. Her head slammed into the steering wheel knocking her unconcious. The whole front of her car was smashed in and it began smoking.
A kind onlooker called the police as several people stopped to see if Marlena was all right.
***
“Where the hell are you Mar???” John said as he sped down the highway looking for her car. “What the hell is the hold up?” John said angrily as he slammed on his brakes.
He saw police lights flashing up ahead. “Great. An accident. I’ll be here all day.” He sat in the car for awhile and after not moving for 20 minutes, he jumped out to see what was going on.
He walked to the side of the road to see if he could make out what had happened. But he saw something he never wanted to see…Marlena’s car slammed into a tree.
“Oh my god….Marlena.” He screamed as he ran to the accident.
“Sir, I’m sorry. You cannot go past here.” A police officer said holding him back.
“That’s…that’s my girlfriend.” John said with tears falling from his baby blue eyes.
“I’m sorry sir. But I still can’t let you go any closer.” He tried to restrain John, but he pushed through and ran to Marlena.
“Marlena baby! Are you ok?” He choked out through his tears.
She was unconcious. Blood streamed down her face. She didn’t look good at all.
“Sir. Who are you?”
“I’m her boyfriend. Please don’t make me leave.”
“All right. You can follow us to the hospital. But please let us get her onto the stretcher now.”
“All right. But, will she be ok?”
“It’s hard to say right now sir. She was going awfully fast.”
“Oh God.” John said wiping the tears from his face. “Please let her be ok. I love her.”
John Black walked into University Hospital, a migraine beginning to form behind his eyes. He rubbed his temples nervously as he watched the paramedics rush Marlena in on a stretcher, blood covering her slender body.
He had been with her for the entire ride . . . the long, endless ride from I97 to the hospital, praying, wishing, hoping she would make it that far. The color from her once vibrant face was starting to become lifeless as every new second passed.
John sat down in the waiting room, letting the doctors do their job as he watched them push her into the ER.
“Please God,” he said a loud, cracking his knuckles gently, “I messed up with her. I knew her for not even a week and I let her go because of my own damn insecurities. You have to let her live, I need to talk to her . . . please . . .”
He sat there, his head in his hands thinking of the past few days . . . of meeting Marlena in the coffee shop, their first date, their first kiss . . . it all seemed so fast yet so right. He got up, about to check on Marlena’s status when a young man burst through the doors of the ER, frantic and overwhelmed.
“Marlena Evans,” he said, rushing up to the desk. “Is she . . . what happened?”
“Sir, please calm down,” the receptionist said, stopping her paperwork. “She is in the ER. The doctors are doing all they can to save her, but she has lost a lot of blood. Now unless you are family, there is not much else I can tell you. If you’d take a seat . . .”
“I’m her brother,” he interrupted. “Kyle Evans. I live in Upstate New York, Pleasantville to be exact. I had called my sister’s cell phone and a paramedic answered and told me she was being rushed to the ER. I got here as fast as I could, dodging a couple of cops on the way. Now look, I don’t know if you know this but my sister has AIDS. Since she was brought in on an emergency with a lot of blood loss, I figured it was probably important information,” Kyle said calming down just a little. “So if I were you, I would go in there and let the doctors know.”
John stood in back of him, his knees becoming weak. He knew Marlena was apprehensive about being in a serious relationship and now he knew why . . . AIDS . . . it was such a . . . it was something he never really had thought about. Sure, he taught lectures about it . . . but this was so different. He stepped up next to Kyle, his arm shaking slightly, as he tapped him on the shoulder.
He spun around, his green eyes worried with concern and love as he started at the man before him . . . there was something about his eyes that he knew and it was then that it struck him . . . John Black. He would know those eyes anywhere. The eyes his sister had described so perfectly for him . . . the eyes that drove her crazy.
“John right?” Kyle asked smiling.
“How . . . how did you know?” he asked confused.
“Just a lucky guess. Were you with Marlena when this happened? Is she all right?”
“I know just as much as you,” John replied. “I wasn’t with her but I was driving by and I saw the accident. The meds let me ride with her here but there is one question that I need to ask you.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“I overheard you telling the doctors that Marlena . . .” He took a deep breath and exhaled, rubbing his temples once more. “Does Marlena have AIDS?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course she does, you . . . Oh God,” Kyle said in realization. “You didn’t know,” he said quietly. “Of course you didn’t know. She never tells people . . . she is so secretive about it and I have just been so frantic with all that has gone on that I didn’t even realize . . . look John, you need to forget I told you this.”
“Forget?” John asked incredulously. “How do you want me to forget this? You just told me the woman I love has AIDS and I . . . I didn’t even . . ”
“Whoa, did you just say love her?” Kyle asked. “John, look . . . you can’t love her, I mean come on, you didn’t even know this . . . it’s just something you need to think about . . .”
“I know it’s something I need to think about but that doesn’t mean my feelings about her have changed . . .”
“Look, John, I’m just asking you to think about it because if you do decide to stay with Marlena, it’s going to be a lot to handle and if you hurt my sister, you will have me to answer to, just remember that,” Kyle warned. “Now I am going to go find out whatever I can about Marlena. Just remember the warning . . .”
And with that, Kyle walked off, leaving John alone to make the hardest decision of his life, thus far.
The Jarlena Journal 