It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life, the day of his engagement party to a lovely woman who had finally captured his restless heart and filled his empty soul. There had been several other women in the past five years, but none like Isabella Toscano. She was special and he loved her deeply and yet…. today he had been unconsciously feeling the call of his old love, the love of a woman who was still in his heart and soul five years after he had watched a small plane go down with her aboard. He mourned that loss for so long; he literally ached for her at first, wishing he could join her in heaven. If it hadn’t been for the children, he might very well have taken his life shortly after she died, for he was dead inside, almost completely empty without her; he was still so uncertain of himself and lacked so much of his memory. Today, there had been several strange occurances, the phone call from a woman wanting to speak with Captain Brady, the failed meeting with someone at the restaurant, and just some feeling he couldn’t name that left him with the sense that she was calling to him. All day long, he kept trying to convince himself he was being silly, she was long gone, it wasn’t possible. Still…he was compelled to know what it was he was experiencing. Roman investigated, but found nothing concrete and it was time to be going home; there was a houseful of people waiting for him.
Having convinced himself he was wrong, he went home and was enjoying himself for quite some time. He stared into the loving eyes of his fiance, remembering how they had slowly fallen for each other, how he finally let her have his heart. “I love you Isabella Toscano, and I’m so glad you said yes to me.”
“Well, I’m pretty happy about that myself Commander Brady. I can’t wait until we’re married, I never thought I would be this happy,” she said joyfully, relishing the feeling of his strong arms around her.
“I didn’t think I would find true happiness again myself. I thought I had my one and only shot at it.” Somewhat sadly he said, “When Marlena died, I really thought that was over forever, but.. then I found you, lady,” he finished with a sweet smile. He was looking forward to settling down into married life again and Isabella was great with the kids. They had missed having a woman’s touch and responded so well to her, they loved her very much and Roman believed it wouldn’t be long before they called her mommy.
“We found each other Roman. From the way you described her, Marlena would want you to be happy again, she wouldn’t want you and the children to be alone,” she said, wanting to snap him out of the strange mood that had descended on him on what should be a joyous occasion.
Roman nodded and agreed, saying with a serious expression on his face, “You’re right she wouldn’t. She would have wanted me to find new love and for the children to have a mother figure to love and nurture them. You’re great with them Izzy B,” he said, feeling more enthusiastic about the whole situation. Roman kissed her warmly and held her close, allowing himself to absorb the love she was sending out to him. He had gradually begun to relax into the party and let go of the past that seemed to be haunting him, when the strange sensation returned. Instinctively he looked out the window, thinking he saw movement, his spirit wondering, could it be…. Roman quietly slipped out the front door and looked all around the house, but found nothing once again. He was chasing a ghost. “Come on Roman, this is ridiculous, if she were alive she would have come home long before now, she’s dead.” Taking a last glimpse around the house and down the block, he turned and walked slowly back inside the house, but he still couldn’t shake that feeling deep within his being, he sensed her presence somehow. She was out there somewhere… waiting for him to find her.
So, as he stood there in the company of friends and family, knowing he should be focusing on the woman he loved and the party they were having for him, his mind, his heart and soul were drawn to the Pier. He simply had to go and put the feelings to rest or…..find her there. In his conscious mind he asked himself, ‘What are you doing Roman? She’s been dead for five years and you have to let her go so you can be happy with Isabella. It’s okay for you to be happy again, she didn’t want you to mourn her forever. Marlena said she wanted you to move on and find love again.’ Still, he had to know for sure. After making some quick excuses about following an important lead on a case, Roman went out while the party to celebrate his engagement continued without him.
Isabella knew that these little interruptions were all part of the package, so she thought nothing of it and enjoyed herself. She was engaged to the most wonderful man in the world, life couldn’t get any better for her. Soon they would be married and settle down to a nice quiet life. She was going to love living in this warm inviting house with Roman Brady and his children. Sami and Eric were sweet adorable 7 year old twins, whom she loved as if they were her own children. They were already much like a family, playing together at the park, the kids playing soccer and softball, Roman and Isabella looking on with pride. Even Carrie had been making noises about returning to Salem to live with them. Although she wouldn’t come out and say it, it seemed that living with her mother in Europe was not the wonderfully glamorous situation the young teen had thought it would be. It appeared that Carrie missed her father terribly, he had been much more loving and attentive than Anna seemed capable and Isabella could tell from the sound of Carrie’s voice that she was homesick and needed the nurturing and structure her father provided. Yes, her life was finally moving in the direction she had always dreamed and Isabella was planning on enjoying every minute of it. ‘In just a few months, Roman and I will be married and we will have our happy ending,’ she thought. She had no idea that her life was about to be turned completely upside down; none of them did.
A beautiful golden-haired woman wandered through the streets of Salem, the town she had called home for most all of her adult life. She wanted to walk it, to feel the pavement under her feet, to make it seem real. She was home at last. After five long years of unwanted separation from everyone and everything she loved, she was home. If only it were so easy to reacquaint herself with the people as it was the geography, especially with the man she loved, Roman Brady. He was in love with another woman now; she knew that for certain, having seen the announcement of their engagement in a discarded newspaper she had read in the park. It only made sense that he might have moved on by now; after all, five years had passed for him too. Roman had grieved the loss and found new love. Yet, it caused such soul-piercing pain to imagine him in someone else’s arms, sharing himself intimately with some other woman. Still, he had loved her so deeply, surely he would want her in his life again. Maybe…. he would choose to be with her if he knew she was alive, but what if he didn’t choose her, how would she live without him? Oh, Roman, what’s going to happen when we meet….who will you decide to share your life with? I know you loved me with all of your heart…..then, but what about now? Is your love for me dead and buried as you thought I was?
The questions swirled about in her head causing a splitting headache and she sat down at a park bench for awhile. She pondered whether she should go back to the house and take the initiative to simply walk right back into his life. Marlena was hesitant, timid actually, which was so unlike her, but she couldn’t deny the anxiety that threatened to overwhelm her when she thought of entering a houseful of people the first time she saw her greatest love. Instead of going back there, she felt the need to go down by the river’s edge; it was always such a mystical, magical place, it was special to them when they were together. Because she had been in some kind of a coma-like state in her absence, their life together seemed to her like it was just yesterday. Maybe…. he would come to her there. Did he still feel the undefinable connection between them as she did? ‘Well, Marlena there is only one way to find the answers to all your questions, go to the pier and see what happens,’ she said to herself.
As she made her way down to the pier, she remembered the best times of their life together after he had returned to her under similar circumstances. She thought he had perished at the hands of Stefano Dimera, a vile evil man, who hated Roman for his attempt to take down the man’s criminal empire. And, then one day a mysterious stranger came into her life and a connection was born, or reborn actually. From the moment she met the man she felt a bond stretching out between them, though she had to admit he could be infuriating at times, especially when his gallant overprotectiveness toward women was involved. Before long, however, she found herself falling under the spell of his sometimes impish charms, his dancing brilliant blue eyes and his infectious ear to ear grin.
Marlena remembered running up the hill with a picture in her hand, the moment in which she told him she believed he was Roman Brady. She recalled with pleasure, what it felt like to be in his arms in that instance, hearing him say, “I love you, Doc!” in a way that sounded as if a lost soul had finally found his way home again. She remembered the first time they made love after that, his sweet boyish smile, the nervous tension between them, the wonderful tender love they made that night. Then came the honeymoon, their day in the park, summer breezes blowing gently through their hair as they celebrated their love. ‘Oh, Roman will it ever be like that again for us, or is our love only in the past for you?’ she asked herself as she imagined those scenes in her mind. As she stood on the pier, looking out at the water through the fog, two more memories came to mind, the day he proposed a renewal of vows and their wedding day. Those were the two happiest days of her life. What they shared then was a love beyond compare; it was pure, deep and abiding. It was simply unshakable and she prayed that they could recapture it, wondering once more how she would ever survive without him if they couldn’t.
Roman made his way to the pier through the fog as well, his head telling him he should be at home with Isabella and his family and friends, celebrating. But, this objective cop, who always searched for evidence and facts was listening to his heart for the moment and so he went as he was compelled to do. As he stood there in the fog, waiting, wondering what was to follow, his head began to take over as a young uniformed policeman recognized him and asked why he was out on a night such as this. Having no ready answer, he decided he should quit chasing after a ghost and go on home. Just as he turned to leave, he sensed a familiar presence and then he thought he heard his name, that voice….No, it couldn’t be, she’s dead, Roman, keep going…..
“Roman!” she said and he turned toward her. He couldn’t make out the face in the fog, but when she walked several steps closer and said, “It’s Marlena,” the sound of her voice was unmistakable. He had to face her and approach her, No…..he shook his head, not believing, needing desperately to make sure.
Roman stepped closer himself, for a better look and he said, “No..” His jaw dropped in disbelief. She was like a vision from heaven appearing out of the mist, it simply couldn’t be real.
She nodded and said, “Yes” He edged closer, trying to say her name while still shaking his head slightly, but was unable to make the word go from his mind to his mouth. Instead, he reached out a trembling hand to touch her cheek and make sure she was real and not some creation of his imagination he was seeing. She gasped at the contact and he knew, “Oh, God Doc, it’s you…it’s you.. Oh my God Doc, it’s you! He pulled her tight to his body and stroked her silky hair as if worshipping her, trying to convince himself she was actually back in his arms.” Oh my God.. Oh my God…” he repeated the phrase, feeling completely overwhelmed by powerful emotions, while gently running his fingers through her radiant silky hair.
She melted into his blissful embrace with tears in her eyes, she was overjoyed to be held in his strong muscular arms again, for that was the safest, warmest place she had ever known. They held each other for a long time and finally they pulled back to gaze into each other’s moist eyes. “Roman,” she asked tentatively, seeing that he must be in shock. “Are you allright?”
His mouth was still wide open, an expression of numb surprise on his face as he stared, making sure he could believe what his eyes were telling him. “You’re real,” he said incredulously.
Marlena nodded and smiled with joyful tears running down her face, confirming his uncertain statement.
“When you were gone, I thought I’d never see you again,” he said, his heart beginning to believe, his mind still wondering how it was possible. His breathing was ragged with the rush of joyful adrenaline that was coursing through his veins.
“Roman I know this is really hard to believe…” she said wanting to help him accept the reality of her reappearance.
Almost muttering he stared into her eyes saying, “It was a dream, I thought it was a dream…” Then more firmly he responded to her, “I’m not questioning it, Doc, you’re real, you’re here!” Nuzzling her face, he rested his forehead on hers and rubbed his cheek against the soft smooth skin of her face, savoring every second of the contact between them. The impossible had happened, his greatest love, his soulmate had returned from the dead after five agonizing years.
“Oh Roman,” she sighed, relishing the feeling of just being near him again.
“You’re here,” he repeated in amazement. Cupping her face and neck in his gentle grasp, he engaged her in a lingering, caressing, almost worshipful kiss which mesmerized them both.
“Get closer, get closer!” she cried, almost desperately. She had longed for an embrace like this one and her dream was coming true. Roman clearly loved her and was thrilled to have her back again. They alternated between holding each other in an intense clinch and staring deeply into each other’s eyes, feeling elated to be reunited after so long.
The reality of what was happening began to sink in and Roman started putting together the bits and pieces of his day. As he pulled out of the embrace he started talking about it, “There was a note from someone, it said to meet me at the Continental Bar, that was you, wasn’t it?” he asked confidantly.
“Yes,” she answered calmly, understanding his need to make sense out it all.
“But when I showed up late, you went to the house?”
“Yes,” she said, a little less comfortably.
“But you left the house,” he said feeling confused by her actions, his puzzled expression making her uncomfortable. His hands were still in the same position, the way they had been, in front of him at chest level.
Marlena pulled away, feeling apprehensive, she tried to explain her thinking, “Roman there were so many people there and I just had to be alone with you.” Not wanting to look at his questioning gaze, she turned her back, starting an explanation for his benefit. With a trembling voice she said, “I thought if…well I just had the feeling that maybe…”
Still confused, but concerned for her feelings, he approached her, touching her on the upper part of her left arm. Turning her to him, he asked warmly, “What?”
“Look, I was so confused…I was so desperate..” Her voice broke as she told him why she came to the pier. Taking his hands again she said, “This place was always so special for us I thought that perhaps if I came here….you’d know. That sounds crazy doesn’t it?”
With growing understanding he said, “No, no I did know, I’ve been fighting it all day, I’ve been fighting it all day…” Roman released her and started walking around, working his brain to make sense out of the events of the day. “I’ve been telling myself I’m so damn rational, so smart….a note from a woman for Captain Brady…wouldn’t leave a message. That’s what was messing with my mind all day…:” Roman put his hands to his head, wanting to fit the pieces together and mesh his emotional and spiritual experience with his rational thinking processes which didn’t come easily.
Apologetically she said, “I wasn’t trying to be mysterious about it, I was just… I was trying to…”
Standing close again, taking her hands in his again, he said with passion, “I knew…what you meant, I knew and even though I kept trying to tell myself it couldn’t be, something inside of me, Doc, that died five years ago was alive again!”
Tears still flowing she cried, “Oh Roman..God..” feeling his angst about the experience.
Holding their hands up toward her face, he spoke passionately again with a throaty voice, as the tears that had filled his eyes started trickling out, “I don’t even know, I can’t even explain it, I just knew that you were out here and something was drawing me to find you!”
“Oh, you must be in shock,” she said, almost whispering as she gazed deeply into his slightly bewildered eyes.
“Yea…..I think you could say that,” he said nodding his head and agreeing as he held and kissed her hands, a confused expression appearing on his face.
Recognizing that it was quite stressful for him, she said, “You just need some time, we just need some time.”
Roman didn’t want to waste any time, and had forgotten all about the people at his house, all thoughts other than the miracle of Marlena’s return gone for the moment. “What about now? I’m talking right this second!”
There was so much for them to handle, “We need to talk,” she told him, wondering what would happen next, but overjoyed to have him with her.
Roman was obviously overcome with emotion and spoke in broken phrases as he parted from her grasp and then returned to her quickly, “Yea… we gotta talk…we can’t talk here, though…we..can’t..we gotta go someplace.. where…do…” Slapping his hands to his head he said rather anxiously, “I can’t even think!” Then he looked into her eyes again and she realized she needed to take the lead, it was all a little too much for Roman to deal with immediately.
Reassuringly she said, “It’s allright… I know where we can go.” Marlena took his hands in hers and guided her love, whose gaze was fixed on her and who was clearly still in shock, over to the stairs. She would take him to the motel room in which she had stayed for a day or so, while trying to get her bearings. Trusting her implicitly, Roman put his arms around her and followed her lead, incredibly grateful to have her back again, but still wondering how it was possible. Roman and Marlena were ecstatic to be together. They refused to let their minds ask all the questions about what was to come in the days and weeks ahead, content for the time being to allow their incomprehensible bond of love to envelop them like a soft blanket surrounding them with its warmth and comfort.
Roman and Marlena walked arm in arm to the dingy, dreary motel in which Marlena had stayed for a day or two. As Roman surveyed the building and its surroundings, he was appalled and wanted to get her out of there as quickly as possible. She deserved a much more warm welcome home than this place offered her. He made a mental note to convince her to come back to the house with him after they talked, thinking for some reason that she would still be hesitant. Suddenly, it dawned on him, ‘The house…there’s a party for me….and Isabella at the house. Jeez, I almost completely forgot about that. I’m engaged to another woman, I wonder if Doc knows about that.. How could she Roman?’ he asked himself silently. ‘Oh, man what am I gonna tell her? Of course she does Roman, she was there remember? Oh, and…what am I gonna tell Izzy B, she was so happy tonight and now…. Stop it, Roman! First things first, talk to Doc…find out if she’s really allright, ask her what she knows about what happened to her. Tell her how ecstatic you are that she’s here. Enjoy the fact that she’s alive and by some miracle she came back to you, there will be time for all of that later… much later… “God, I’m glad you came back to me, Doc!” he said excitedly to Marlena as they entered the room and stood slightly awkwardly a few feet away from each other.
“Me too, Roman, it’s all a little too much to believe isn’t it?” she asked, seeing the shock and confusion that still registered in his face.
Nodding his head and gazing intently at her, he replied affirmatively, “Yea, forgive me if I keep staring at you, I just have to do that to make myself believe it’s real.”
“It is, I’m back and I’m never going away again. I’m home to stay, Roman.” I wonder if you are as happy about that as I am, she said to herself. ‘Of course he is Marlena, look at the tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, the delightful embrace. He is overjoyed to see you, don’t doubt that. But, will he love me again, will he choose to make his life, his future with me? No, don’t dwell on all that now, Marlena, just enjoy being back home for a little while. We’ll have plenty of time for all that….later.’
Looking around the shabby room and questioning why she didn’t come straight to see him, Roman asked, “So, how long have you been in Salem, Marlena?”
She knew what he wanted and hoped she wouldn’t upset him too much. “Two days,” she said quietly. Upon seeing the puzzled, slightly hurt expression on his face she started to explain it,” Roman I was…”
“Doc, why didn’t you just come to me, didn’t you think I would be happy to see you?” he asked, interrupting.
“Well I…thought…maybe…” Tears were in her eyes again and she stopped speaking and turned her body away from him, the fear that he wouldn’t choose her starting to penetrate her normally strong defenses.
He approached her and gently turned her around to face him, wanting to reassure her that he was thrilled she had returned to him. “Marlena, let me tell you right now, you have made me incredibly happy, delerious actually. Doc, you can’t know how….much I missed you, how I ached for you… and now you’re here, looking as….beautiful as ever, no, more beautiful than I even remembered.”
“Oh, Roman…” she sighed as he moved closer again.
Roman felt the emotions rushing in and he stood inches from her and told her what it was like when he thought she died, “Marlena, you’re here and I can hold you in my arms again, I can touch your soft skin and look into those…amazing eyes of yours.” As he spoke, he caressed her cheek and stroked her hair, almost worshipping her and she felt herself getting lost in his eyes and the intense feelings of desire his touch stirred throughout her body. Then, he stepped back a minute while reflecting and his voice quivered as he spoke, a few more tears forming in his eyes as he recounted, “Doc, it was…hell, learning to live without you…every night when I’d go to bed all I could think of was…how we..made love, knowing I would…never touch you, never…love you like that again and every day when I’d wake up and reach for you… and find you weren’t there….Oh God, Doc…I missed you so much, it hurt so bad sometimes that I wanted to die myself, and if it weren’t for the kids….”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you had to go through that!” she cried as she reached for his hand.
Slightly embarassed at his open display of emotions, he moved away again, toward the door. “Hey…I’m sorry, here I am going on and on about me. Then turning back toward her he added, “Look, Marlena, I just wanted to make sure that you don’t doubt for one second that I am overjoyed that you’re back. No matter what else happens from here on out, promise me you won’t forget that, Doc,” he said rather intensely as he stared into her hesitant eyes.
“I won’t, I promise Roman,” she answered firmly, understanding what he was getting at. It was the issue they weren’t ready to handle, the future. “Roman, I want to tell you what it’s like for me, I was…in a coma-like state and when I came around, I had no idea where I was or what was happening and then I saw a newspaper and I found out that five years had passed. Five years passed by while I was….sleeping. And now, here I am stepping back into a place that I called home and to me it feels like it was only yesterday, but everyone has gone on with their lives without me. I’m not sure how I’ll fit in, that’s why I didn’t contact you immediately, I just felt…so….out of place and I….. “
Seeing her anxiety, Roman stepped closer, took her hand tenderly in his and raised it to his lips, kissing it. Then he said reassuringly, “Marlena, you belong here and everyone you love will welcome you gladly back into their lives and I..will be here with you every step of the way. You helped me when I was lost and all alone and I intend to be there for you, I want you to share everything with me, Doc.”
She was touched by his sincerity and enthusiasm, “Oh, Roman, that sounds so wonderful, but what about…” She hated to ask it, but it couldn’t be avoided for long, she assumed Isabella was…living with him, a decision about that needed to be made soon.
Roman knew where it was leading and he wasn’t ready, so he avoided it. Still holding her hands in front of their faces, he said, “Doc, I will see you through this thing, you can count on me, I won’t let you down. I want you to tell me how you’re feeling, your fears, everything, I mean it.”
“I know you do, Roman, but there is something else we need to talk about, someone…” she paused to let him confront the reality of the situation, it was a reality he obviously didn’t want to face yet. “John, there is a party going on at your house right now.”
He cut her off, not wanting to deal with it, “Forget about that party, Doc. You are more important to me at this moment.” He avoided the subject again and started asking questions rapid-fire style, looking her over more closely, “Are you sure you’re allright, have you had enough to eat, are you hungry because if you are I can….” he asked, talking rapidly, obviously feeling quite anxious.
She put a fingertip to his lips to stop him and said, “I’m fine, Roman, but I can see that you aren’t. This must be very confusing and I know you don’t want to address it right now, but Roman that party isn’t just any party. It’s….a celebration of your engagement, isn’t it?” she asked, wanting him to say it for some reason.
He hung his head, almost feeling ashamed, not wanting to hurt her when she had just come home, probably wanting to pick up right where they left off. Forgetting for the moment that she had been to the house earlier, he reluctantly answered truthfully and then asked a question directly afterward, “Yes it is, but…how did you know?”
Working hard not to seem devastated, she replied quietly, “I saw the announcement in the paper, and then the banner at the house.” After one more moment’s pause Marlena added, “She’s lovely Roman.”
“Oh, yea that’s right,” he mumbled quietly. Then he nodded slightly, not wanting to agree, thinking he would wound her and yet… “Yes, she is, she’s very special to me, but Doc so are you… Oh, man…” He shut his eyes and leaned his head back, wishing his impending dilemna away, but it didn’t happen. “I’m sorry, Doc. I should have…known somehow, I should have…waited for you.”
Putting her hand on his neck, just below his cheek to capture his attention, she said compassionately, “No, don’t do that to yourself, Roman it was five years, honey. You grieved for me and moved on, it was what I asked you to do. I’m….happy that you found someone.”
Looking at her with a puzzled expression and then shaking his head to disagree, he said, “Oh, come on Doc, you can’t be happy about this in any way, it has to..hurt you to think I was planning to marry someone else. How can you be so..understanding about this when I don’t even understand it myself?”
He was hurting and she wanted to help him, but wasn’t quite sure how. “Roman, I…love you the same way I have always loved you, but I know that time has passed for you, it was only natural that one day you would find new love and I am glad about that.”
He argued somewhat intensely, telling her his feelings by making an assumption about hers. “Marlena, can you honestly stand there and tell me that there isn’t some small part of you that’s saying, he should have known I was still alive, he should have found me, he should have waited!”
Reaching out to hold him, she urged him not to be so hard on himself, “Oh, Roman, please don’t do this to yourself; there was no way you could have known. Honey, you saw my plane go down, you believed I was dead and you did whatever you had to do to survive the loss.”
Suddenly he became very emotional again, saying,”Yes, but…our love was so strong, Marlena…I should have..sensed your presence, I should have…. Dammit! I should have….known somehow, but I didn’t and because of that you lost five years of your life, five years of being with your children!”
She reached up with her fingertips to wipe some his tears away and then took his face in her tender hands and said, “Roman, I want you to stop this right now, this will get us nowhere, it will only cause you pain. You know that there is no way you could have known and none of what happened to me is your fault. You were not responsible and you did the best you could to survive the pain of losing me.”
Finally, he seemed to accept it and nodded his head, saying, “Okay, you’re right, it doesn’t do any good, but I feel..so bad about it.” Then, he changed directions as he found himself gradually embracing the love emanating from her very pores, while at the same time it made him uncomfortable to feel some physical attraction for someone whose loss he had grieved years earlier. “Do you have any idea how… incredible it is to hear you talking to me, to see you looking into my eyes this way?” he asked as he stared at her with amazement again.
She smiled one of those wide dazzling smiles and said, “Yes, because it feels incredible to be standing here looking at you, touching you, I love you so much Roman!” She whispered in his ear, “It feels so good to be in your arms like this. You smell so good to me..Oh, I love you so…” she finished, pulling his body closer, she couldn’t seem to get close enough. Feeling the desire build, she started to kiss his lips, wishing he could say those words in the same way and make love to her on the spot.
It was so strange and wonderful to have her in front of him after so long and he did love her…very much, but he had mourned for her and tucked that everlasting bond of love for Marlena away in a special place in his heart. It was locked safely inside and now…could he find a way to open up his heart to it again, and if he did, what about his genuine feelings of romantic love for Isabella which were completely in the present? It was suddenly almost overwhelming to Roman and he felt like running, but no… Holding her hand to his lips he said, “Doc, I… love you too, but I…I…. Oh, this is all so…strange..” he said with anguished tones as he pulled away from her slightly. “I’m…sorry, Doc..I’m sorry but I…”
Sadly, she finished his sentence, “But you love Isabella too, you’re engaged to marry her.. Oh, Roman..” she sighed, feeling rejected in spite of her attempt to be understanding. Facing the depth and strength of his feelings for the other woman was difficult, but it wasn’t fair to make him feel bad about it. “Roman, I’m so sorry you have to go through all this, but it can’t be avoided. You have some decisions to make about the future.”
Roman nodded to answer her first statement. The swirling mix of emotions was tough to manage, one minute he wanted to take her in his arms and make love to her and the next he felt paralyzed with feelings of guilt as thoughts of Isabella rushed to his mind. His long sigh reflected the pain and fear and uncertainty for both of them, “I…I know there’s so much to..think about, so much to decide, but just for tonight I would like to enjoy the fact that you are alive and you’re here with me. I want to hold you close to me and forget about everything else for a little while.” Roman reached for her face again as he spoke, still shocked to have her with him.
Oh, it was so tempting, she could probably persuade him to make love to her, he was so vulnerable, so confused. Actually, they both were, but they couldn’t ignore the fact that Isabella was sitting there waiting for him along with all their friends and family. “Roman, that sounds wonderful, but you know we can’t do that, you need to deal with the fact that everyone is at the house….celebrating, expecting you to return soon. Isabella is waiting for you, Roman.”
He sighed again with sudden exhaustion and agreed, “Yes you’re right Marlena, but I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t want to hurt her and I don’t want to hurt you either by keeping you from the people you love for even one more day, it’s not fair to you.” Running his fingers through his thick dark hair, as he paced for a minute, he asked anxiously, “Oh, Doc…what are we gonna do?” wishing someone could e didn’t know if he would be able to handle it so quickly. She thought he might have asked her to spend another night in the dreadful motel room and was thrilled to know he wanted to take her with him to the house. “Oh, Roman, thank you so much, I didn’t want to wait another minute to see everyone again, to see the children, but I wasn’t sure if you would…”
Cutting her off gently, he spoke to convince her once and for all, “Doc, I told you before, I am so happy to know that you are allright and that you managed to make your way back to Salem, back to me. Now….come on…let’s go home, Doc,” Roman said with a strange sort of smile on his face; he was beyond thrilled that she was back, but still he hated what the news was going to do to Isabella. He reached out his right hand for her to take in his and they left the temporary living quarters and walked off toward an uncertain future. There was only one thing they were sure of which was that they were elated to be together again and that the powerful connection they had shared in the past was still there between them. That special, undefinable bond of love, though somewhat weakened by the test of time and separation would carry them through some of the rough days ahead while they attempted to make sense out of what seemed like an impossible situation.
As they exited the motel, Roman made a quick call from a local pay phone, and Isabella answered, “Brady Central!” she said with excitement. He had hoped she wouldn’t be the one to answer and found himself suddenly at a loss for words. “Hello…is anyone there?” Isabella asked, trying to prompt the caller and thinking it might be a wrong number.
He worked at sounding pleasant and very much in love, “Oh..hi Isabella, it’s me…I…got tied up for a little while and I wanted to give you a quick call. Listen, I have a…situation I need to tell you about, could you meet me out front in say 20 minutes or so?”
“Oh, Roman you’re being so mysterious, is this my surprise?” she asked, remembering his teasing earlier in the day about having something special for her.
Roman felt the sting of guilt, he had forgotten all about that and the surprise he did have would not be nearly so pleasant to receive. With hesitant tones, he said, “Uh…no, it’s not about that, it’s…well, I can’t explain it over the phone. Please just meet me outside, okay?” he asked, hoping she wouldn’t push for more information.
Isabella sensed there was something important going on, he had been acting strangely all day long, only snapping out of it for a little while at the party and then shortly after that he had gone out to follow some lead on a case. “Okay, Roman…I love you, honey,” she said, noticing he hadn’t used any term of endearment or said those words as the call was about to end.
Roman glanced over at Marlena, who was trying not to listen, but was staring at him as he looked in her direction. He turned slightly away from her and almost whispered into the phone, “Me too….honey, I’ll see you soon.”
Something in his quiet voice made her feel ill at ease and she said, “Roman, is something wrong, you sound so…different.”
“No, everything’s fine, Isabella, really, I’ll see you in a little bit.” The phone went dead and his fiance was left wondering what on earth was bothering him so much. He didn’t sound at all like the man who was very much in love with her just one day ago. He was distant and preoccupied; something had happened and she was about to learn what it was. A wave of dread washed over her as she anticipated seeing him.
Roman’s hand lingered on the receiver as he thought about the moments to follow, he had to tell the woman he loved, the woman who had slowly captured his heart that his great love had returned from the dead after five years. Isabella would be glad that Marlena was alive, she knew how deeply he had loved her, but it would crush her heart all the same. He hated that part of it and felt so torn about what he was about to do, bringing her world crashing down around her on what was supposed to be one of the happiest nights of her life. They had planned their own private celebration after the party was over and now… Roman recalled the fact that Isabella had suffered a lot in her life and said within his mind, ‘Oh, Izzy B…I wish I didn’t have to do this right now….tonight, but Marlena lost five years…she deserves to see everyone, to see the children, anything less than that just wouldn’t be right. I hope you can understand…. somehow. Oh, come on Roman, how can you possibly think she’s going to understand this when you’re still in shock yourself? And, besides that, it’s the night of your engagement party to her. She’s going to be devastated by this, there’s no way around that, accept it.’
Realizing that Marlena was standing there waiting for him, he turned to face her saying, “I’m sorry, Marlena, I was..just..thinking. You ready?” he asked, putting on a smile for her benefit. No sense making her feel bad too.
She touched him on the shoulder and replied, “Yes, I am…but I can see that you’re not Roman. Are you sure you want to do this now, tonight? I know you’re worried about hurting Isabella on what was supposed to be a happy occasion for her.”
He sighed..and admitted the truth, “Yea…I am, Doc. But…you’ve already been hurt so much, kept from everyone you love, I can’t ask you to wait. It has to be done and that’s all there is to it, I just wouldn’t feel right about you being in that *dive* another night, you should be….home.”
The way he said it made her feel welcome and his protective attitude toward her was pleasantly familiar as well. And, yet there was guilt about hurting Isabella, who would be completely shocked by the news of her return. “Thank you, Roman, you amaze me you know that, I know this must be so difficult for you.”
Touching her on the cheek with the back of the bent fingers of his right hand, he said, “No, Doc…you are amazing and no matter what, I am so…grateful to have you back and there’s a whole houseful of people who are gonna feel exactly the same way. Let’s go see em, pretty lady!”
This time his smile was genuine and it warmed her heart to see it there, “Allright, let’s go Roman!” she said enthusiastically as he put his arm over her shoulders.
They rode in silence for a few minutes and then Roman started to fill her in on some changes. “Well, Doc…I want to tell you some things to prepare you, the twins are so..big and so grown up, they’re doing great though. They both play soccer and softball, they’re just full of life and bursting with energy. They look so much like you..and…”
“I saw them,” she said, interrupting. I was at the park the other day when you and Isabella were there for their game. I watched from a distance and you’re right, they’ve grown so much and they seemed so happy and well behaved. As hard as it must have been for you, it appears you’ve done a terrific job of raising them.”
He found himself blushing at that. “Thanks, Doc that means alot to me. I’ve worked really hard at it and there were so many times I wished you were there to help me, times when I felt like I really needed your tenderness and your wisdom.” He smiled wistfully and said, “I would talk to you sometimes and I’d say, well Doc what would you do in this situation? and I’d sit and think for a while and then it would come to me. You helped me alot that way,” he said while grinning at her.
She chuckled at the thought and replied, “Well, I’m so glad I could help you out, Roman.”
Remembering how many times he felt like he was just floundering without her, being a single father, working crazy cop’s hours, he said, “Oh, Doc they needed you so much! I… did the best I could and we managed, but we all needed you and missed you…more than you’ll ever know.”
It was touching to hear him talk of her like this. “Oh, Roman…I wish I could have been, I wish I really knew what happened to me.. I wish I could remember, but I can’t.”
Sensing her anxiety about all that, Roman said as he put a hand on her leg, “Hey…it’s allright, we’ll figure all that out in time, but right now, we’re going to concentrate on how incredible it is that you are alive and well and back in Salem, okay?”
Shivers went throughout her entire body with that simple contact and she sighed with unfulfilled desire as she placed her hand on his and looked up at him. “Thank you, Roman for reminding me, first things first, right?”
Smiling shyly as he saw the desire in her eyes, he replied, “Right, Doc.” He couldn’t acknowledge what he saw in any direct manner, not now. It was all too confusing to deal with. He took his hand away, placed it back on the steering wheel and focused on the driving again. “So, why don’t you ask questions and I’ll fill you in, allright?”
“Okay, what about the Hortons?”
“Well, they’re still going strong, keeping all their grandchildren in line, Alice is still Salems’ resident matchmaker and she still makes the best donuts I’ve ever had.”
She laughed at that, and in doing so, she filled the car with a sound he had ached to hear for five long years. “Oh God, Doc….I love to hear you laugh. I missed that sound so…much!” he said with some intensity, but grinning again. Shaking his head slightly, he added, “I am so..glad you’re back…whew…I still can’t really believe it.” Roman reached out his hand for her and she placed his hand gently in hers and then raised them to her lips and kissed them. She saw a trace of desire in his slightly hidden eyes, but as soon as she saw him realize that she had noticed his reaction to her, it was gone and he somewhat awkwardly pulled the hand away again, placing it safely back on the steering wheel.
‘Oh, man Roman….this is..crazy…what in the heck are you gonna do? You can’t love two women at the same time, can you?’ he asked. ‘No, don’t think about that now, one step at a time, just like you told Marlena. Take Doc home to all the people who love her, tell Izzy B and then….you can start to… figure out what it all means, right? Right,’ he answered himself. He smiled warmly at Marlena again and said, “What else, Doc?”
Having watched the wheels of his mind turning she knew some of what he was thinking, he was trying to understand his response to her when he had just commited himself to Isabella with a proposal of marriage. She decided to follow his lead, however and ignored the unspoken exchange by saying, “Well, let’s see, what about Bo and Hope, how are they doing?”
“Well, they recently returned from a three year trip around the world and they’re still living on their boat the Fancy Face and their son Shawn Douglas is a sweet and adorable four year old. They’re making noises about a second child and seem very happy together. Who else?”
“Wow, they have a little boy and they live on a boat…took a trip around the world…I can’t wait to see them and ask them all about it, Roman!” she said excitedly. After thinking a minute longer, she asked, “Um…what about…Shawn and Caroline?”
“Well, Caroline is still the best Mom in the whole world and Shawn is just as Irish as ever and the fish market is going allright. But there have been some robberies that scared them both and Pop has been talking about selling it and trying to build an Irish Pub in this new section of the waterfront that’s being revitalized. I’ve been…trying to scrape some funds together to help him out and figure out a way to get him to let me go in on it. You should hear him talk about it, it’s a dream he’s had for years, but never thought he could make come true. I wish I could just do it for him, he deserves it, but that won’t happen on a cop’s salary.”
Listening to him talk about his parents this way reminded her of one of the qualities she had always loved about him, his love for and devotion to his family. Her heart was filled with love and affection for him as she responded. “That sounds wonderful, have you thought about talking to Shane Donovan about it? Maybe he could invest in it too,” she suggested.
Nodding as if a lightbulb had just come on in his mind, Roman said, “Yes of course, he has a soft spot for Shawn too, even though he and Kim have had their troubles…maybe….just maybe!” Roman responded with eyes that twinkled, “Thanks for thinking of it, Doc… See how much I need you?” he asked, winking at her with affection.
Her smile faded slightly as she picked up on what he said about Shane and Kim having difficulities. “Allright, tell me about Kim, what did you mean they’ve had their troubles?”
Roman sighed….so much had happened in five years….a lot of pain and suffering for everyone in the family. “Uh…actually, we don’t have time for all of that now, Marlena. A lot has happened since you di…. since I thought you died. I’ll fill you in on it all soon, okay?”
Sensing that some unpleasant events had taken place, Marlena decided it was wise to let it drop. Just announcing she was alive and well and then seeing everyone was going to be stressful enough for her and Roman and the rest of the family. There would plenty of time to get caught up. “Allright, Roman we’ll save all that for another time.”
In a few more minutes they were at the house. Roman turned off the engine and the lights quickly, as he saw Isabella’s silhouette illuminated in the frame of the front door. ‘Oh Izzy, you were so happy tonight….this is gonna be tough…I wish there was a way to keep you from being hurt.’ He blew out a long breath and turned to his passenger, saying matter of factly, “Okay, Doc you wait here until I give you a wave, it’s going to be quite a shock for her and I need to have more than a few minutes. Is that allright with you?”
Putting a comforting hand to his leg, she answered, “Of course it is Roman, take all the time you need. And….I’m sorry for how painful this is going to be for her….and you. I sure have great timing, don’t I?” she asked sarcastically.
His face bore a pained expression for only a moment as he glanced toward the house, and then he was stern with her and his words were convincing. “Yes, Doc you *do* have great timing! Marlena, listen to me here, there aren’t any words that can describe how thrilled I am to see you alive and well, to be able to talk to you like this, to touch you and hold you again! Please don’t ever apologize for coming back.”
Roman was being so wonderful about it and she was touched, “Okay, I won’t, Roman. Thank you for welcoming me back so warmly, so quickly.”
He frowned slightly and said, “Now just what did you expect from me, Marlena?”
“I don’t know, but I realize this is all very hard on you and I appreciate that you wanted to bring me right over here to see everyone.”
“You’re welcome, Doc, but you deserve nothing less than a warm welcome into your own home with all your friends and family around you. You certainly shouldn’t have to spend another night in that shabby place you were in for a couple of days. You could have been…robbed or…hurt…any number of things, I was glad to get you out of there.”
“That’s my hero, I couldn’t possibly take care of myself now could I, Roman?” she asked with teasing challenge in her voice, as she recalled the sign in sheet incident. It was so long ago and yet it felt almost like yesterday to her.
He caught her meaning and smiled warmly at her independence, it was one of the qualities that simultaneously attracted him to her and frustrated him to no end. As he recalled the early days of their renewed relationship when it was him who returned from the dead, he said, “Well.. anyway….I want you…here…Marlena, where you belong, with all the people who love you. We’ll…deal with everything else one step at a time. First, I need to talk to Isabella. Like I said, I’ll wave you over when we’re ready for you.” As he opened the car door, he could see her concern for him in her face and said, “See you in a little bit, Doc…take it easy, I’m gonna be okay….honest,” he said, lying through his teeth. He was far from okay. His life had just been turned upside down as Isabella’s would be in a few short minutes. Still, it wasn’t her fault, so he gave her as close an approximation of a reassuring smile as he could muster and another comforting touch on the cheek.
She grasped his hand briefly, then nodded and leaned back in the seat as he shut the door, knowing it would be awhile before he was ready for her. This wasn’t something one dealt with in a five minute conversation. “Oh God, please watch over all of us, we really need your guidance right now,” she prayed quietly, as she watched the man she loved walk slowly, but deliberately toward his fiance, fully prepared to pull the rug right out from under her.
Isabella stood nervously on the front porch waiting, believing instinctively that this conversation was going to change her life forever. It was something she sensed intuitively and it terrified her as she watched him walk across the lawn from his car. He had a very serious expression on his face and seemed to be practicing what he was going to say to her. “Oh, Roman what is it? What do you have to tell me that is going to change our lives so drastically?” she asked out loud as he approached her hesitantly.
“Well, hello lovely lady,” he started, wanting to seem casual, but recognizing very quickly that she realized something important was about to happen.
“Oh Roman, just say whatever it is you have to tell me, I can’t stand this anticipation,” Isabella said anxiously, while searching his blue eyes for clues.
Roman felt paralyzed in his tracks and his tongue was locked in his throat, he suddenly had no words to say. “I…uh…well…it’s uh….Oh, Isabella, something really strange has happened and I don’t quite understand it myself but…” He stopped again, wishing there would be some divine intervention, some angel to explain it in a way that would make her understand and eliminate the pain he was about to cause her. “Oh, I better just say it, Izzy B. It’s about Marlena. She’s…she’s…alive and well… and she’s here, in Salem. In fact she’s here with me now, she’s sitting in the car. I found her on the pier tonight, that’s where I’ve been for the past hour or two, talking with her.” After saying it, he thought he would feel relieved, but he didn’t at all. Roman just felt sad and guilty to be responsible for turning her world upside down.
Isabella stared over at the car in disbelief and then wavered and started to go down, Roman saw the reaction and held her upright. “Izzy?” he asked, making sure she was okay.
“I…can’t believe it…she was dead…it’s been five years Roman, how can that be?”
“I don’t really know how, I just know she’s alive and was kept against …..glad that she’s alive but…Oh..Roman…” She stopped speaking and broke down in tears.
He felt the tears come to his eyes as well, saying apologetically, “Oh, honey…I’m sorry, I know tonight was so important to you and I didn’t want to spoil it, but she lost five years of her life, five years of being with her children. I just couldn’t ask her to stay away any longer. Do you understand?”
She turned away, glancing toward the car and thought about it for a second. “Yes, of course I do, Roman….it’s just..we were so happy together and we were planning our future, you and me and the twins…Oh, Roman I don’t want to lose you, I love you so much!”
“I know Izzy, I feel it too, just when things were really on track for us…I love you and I don’t want to lose you either. But, I am…happy she’s alive and that she came back. I….care about her so much and she deserves to have her life back.” The agony of having to choose was already starting to weigh on him, he loved them both, but his feelings for Isabella were more fresh and intense. It was going to be quite a struggle for him and so painful for both women while he tried to make sense of the whole situation.
Suddenly, she realized that she had to take action, he wasn’t ready yet. “I know she does and I…think I should…move out, Roman, right away, so she can get to know you and the kids again, as quickly as possible.” It was killing her to say it, especially when she saw his anguished expression. Clearly, he had not gotten quite that far in his thinking about the situation in which he found himself.
Shaking his head, feeling the pain of anticipated separation crushing his heart, he said, “No….no, Isabella, I…don’t…I… need you with me..I…Oh, God… I didn’t think that far…I didn’t think that far! No Izzy B!”
Isabella reached out to wipe a tear or two that she saw sneaking out of his eyes and said, “Well, you have to do it now, Roman. We have to think of the children and they need to get to know their mother again and the best way is for her to be with them here at the house, you know that I’m right, don’t you?”
He was still shaking his head, but he said, “Oh…Isabella, but what about us, what about you? It’s not fair!”
It killed her to be the voice of reason, but he was too shaken to think objectively, so she had to be the one. “You’re right, it’s not fair, Roman, but is it fair to keep her from them after five years? We certainly can’t both stay here, honey.”
Finally accepting the truth, Roman sighed with extreme frustration and said, “No, it’s not…but I wish…”
“You wish there was a way to save us all from the pain… there isn’t one Roman. No matter what happens from here on out, someone is going to be hurt and there is nothing any of us can do to avoid that fact.”
He nodded, feeling resigned to it. Reluctantly, he agreed, “You’re right, I know you’re right, but it hurts so bad! I’m so sorry about all this, Isabella, I really am and I don’t want you to go! I’m going to miss you so much!”
“And I’m going to miss you so much..too.” She reached down and slowly pulled her engagement ring off her finger, while Roman looked on in horror. “I want you to take this, Roman. You can’t be engaged to me and married to Marlena at the same time, so you hold onto it until you’re ready to make your choice.” Tears were streaming down her face, but her voice was fairly firm; she had such inner strength.
Again, he was shaking his head, tears beginning to form behind his blue eyes now; he simply wasn’t ready for all the changes and was shocked at her action. “No… I love you! I gave you that ring as a symbol of my love and I want you to keep wearing it, I won’t take it back…No!” He pulled his right hand away when she tried to put it there.
Her calm facade was amazing, but inside her heart was crumbling into a thousand pieces. As she tenderly caressed his cheek, she said the words he hated to hear because it forced him to confront the dilemma he faced. “Roman, I don’t want to take it off, but I need you to do this for me. If you decide that I am the one you want in your future then you can come to me and put it back on my finger. But until then we can’t be engaged to be married. Roman, your..wife has returned and you have to face what that means for us.”
Roman was crying softly, feeling intense despair; it was the opposite of the extreme joy he felt to have Marlena back in his arms on the pier only two hours ago. How he could feel such diametrically opposed emotions about the same event was beyond his ablitity to comprehend. “I…know…Izzy B.. but I love you..so much..and this is so hard! God, we were so happy that day, you remember…we were like teenagers..so much in love..” His voice softened and began to trail off slightly as the pain of having her leave began to pierce his heart.
She put her fingers to his lips and said, “Don’t do this, it hurts too much Roman. Please take the ring and say goodnight.” Tears were flowing a river down her cheeks, but there was conviction in her voice.
“Goodnight? Where are you going?” he asked anxiously as he stared down at the engagement ring she just placed in the palm of his right hand. It was all happening so fast that he felt his head spinning. He definitely didn’t want her to leave.
“I’m not sure, but I plan to stay with a friend and then I’ll figure out what to do next. I just don’t think I can handle staying for all of this; please try to understand Roman. I’ll see you sometime soon, all right?” Isabella turned and started to walk away from him, instinctively having her purse, jacket and keys ready when he arrived.
“No, wait!” he said fearfully. He pulled her into a powerful embrace and kissed her fiercely. “I love you, Izzy B. Please, don’t forget that, no matter what comes next…I love you!” He spoke with an intensity she hadn’t seen for a long time and it gave some assurance when she needed it.
“I won’t Roman and don’t you forget how much I love you either, how good we are together, how much fun we have, the love we make, don’t forget any of it, Roman.” She kissed him swiftly, but stirringly and stared into his sad eyes for a moment longer, then pulled out of his arms and ran to her car. Starting it quickly, she drove off into the night, leaving him standing alone and crying, feeling essentially empty inside. His heart was being torn in two, he loved two women very deeply, at the same time. How ironic it was, he thought, as he remembered a conversation with some of the guys at the station during which he had stated emphatically that it just wasn’t possible for a man to truly love two women at the same time. He was wrong.
Marlena watched the scene without hearing the words, but she knew exactly what happened. Isabella had given her ring back, he had resisted it, but accepted her decision in the end and she rushed off in tears. Marlena hated hurting them both, but she couldn’t feel bad about being alive and coming home. She was ecstatic and couldn’t let anything spoil her homecoming with all the people she loved. She gave Roman several minutes alone to settle with his thoughts and then just when she thought it had been long enough and was ready to step out of the car, he turned around to wave her over.
He was still standing in the same spot, his shoulders slightly slumped, and she wanted to do something to help him, but knew there really wasn’t anything that would provide relief. She reached up and started to give his tight shoulders a light massage. He let her for just a moment and then felt suddenly guilty for taking any pleasure from her touch when he had just ripped Isabella’s heart out by telling her Marlena was back. Roman stepped beyond her reach and then upon seeing her hurt expression, apologized, “Oh, Doc..this is so…confusing, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said softly, as a lone tear trickled down his cheek.
She tried to smile, saying, “It’s okay…I know that was really hard, I’m sorry too, Roman.”
“Yea…it was tough, I won’t lie to you about it. I…love her deeply. But.. I loved you first…and oh, I did love you, with every part of myself. You know that, don’t you?” he asked, not wanting her to think he didn’t still care for her too.
Embracing him warmly, she replied, “Yes, I know that…thank you for saying it right now, it…feels…good to know you remember how strong the love we shared really was.”
“Share…the love we…share, isn’t that what you meant to say, Doc?”
“Yes, but I’m afraid you don’t, Roman,” she said matter-of-factly.
Roman blew out a long breath and said, “I…want to, Doc.. A part of me wants to feel it in the present, but I…grieved for you and I had to lock those feelings deep inside so I could survive it, Marlena. It..hurt so much!” Tears were in his eyes yet again, it was still so unbelievable that she was alive after so long.
“Oh, Roman..I’m so sorry you had to mourn for me!” she cried as she hugged him tightly.
Sighing in remembrance, he agreed with her, “Yea…me too, Doc, and I’m so happy to know you’re allright, to have you here alive and well.” He seemed to stem the tide of moisture, dried his slightly moist cheeks with a shirt sleeve and then sniffed and spoke with subdued enthusiasm. “So, let’s not waste any more of your time, let’s get on in there and have a party to celebrate your homecoming!”
“Yes, let’s do, Roman. Thank you again for bringing me straight here tonight, ” Marlena said quietly.
“Marlena, you need to stop thanking me for taking you home where you belong. This is your house, your family, and those are your friends in there. You are entitled to regain as much of your life as soon as possible and to have a grand welcome home. Now come on inside with me.” Marlena, once again took Roman’s outstretched hand and they headed toward their uncertain future… together.
Marlena looked down at Roman’s left hand before taking it in hers and she stared at it, recalling a time when there was a ring there, a ring they picked out together to symbolize the love they shared. It seemed like a lifetime ago in this moment, and it was.. for him. His life with her had been over for five years and he was ready to start a new one. This night was meant to signify that new beginning and her return drastically changed everything for him. She had to admit he was doing pretty well with it so far, managing to be honest, but shielding her from most of his pain and he was working at being sensitive to her feelings as much as he could. It was as good a homecoming as she had a right to expect after five years. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his concerned voice, “Doc…are you ready to go in now, we’re at the door, honey.” He said those words so tenderly, she thought she could melt into the softness in his voice.
“Uh…yes…but, it’s going to be quite a shock for everyone, why don’t you prepare them first before I just walk in there? Does that sound okay to you?”
“Sure, Marlena…whatever you want, that’s what we’ll do,” he answered sweetly. Roman leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek then added, “Allright, I’ll go in first and then after a few minutes, I’ll bring you in too, okay?”
“Great…go ahead then,” she agreed as she stepped back so as not to be seen when he opened the front door to the house. Roman glanced back for a moment and said quietly, “A few more minutes, Doc that’s all.” She smiled warmly and nodded in acknowledgement, as he squeezed her hand for encouragement.
Roman took a deep breath and entered his home again, hoping at least this part would go smoothly. He ducked in and took off his leather coat nonchalantly, as if he were just popping in from work, but the effect didn’t work and he was mobbed. “Roman..where were you all this time, where is Isabella, did you give her that surprise?” These and several other questions were thrown at him when he was barely inside the house. Roman put his hands in the air as if to defend himself from incoming missiles and said, “Wait a minute, just relax and I’ll tell you everything.”
When it was quiet, he took one more deep breath and then started into his explanation. “When I left earlier I was….drawn to the pier, I’ve had this strange feeling all day and I had to go there to check it out. That’s where I was just now. I can’t really explain it but the feeling I had related to… someone we all loved very much a long time ago and I just had to go and see for myself if that person was there. As it turned out, I was right, the person was alive after all and she came back to me, to us.” He paused for one more second and then said, “The person I’m talking about is Marlena. She is alive and well and she’s standing right outside that door.”
Breaking the powerful silence which seemed much longer than the few seconds that passed, Alice Horton spoke for the entire group when she said, “Well, for heaven’s sake bring her inside, Roman!” with great enthusiasm as she and several others rushed toward the door to open it and let her in.
Roman turned around and managed to make it to the door before all the others, saying, “Now, give her some breathing room, she’s a little nervous about all of this.” He opened the door and took her hand, gently guiding her to the center of the living room and then he said with a wide grin on his face, “Everyone, I present to you the lovely lady who is alive and well after five long years away from us. Welcome home, Marlena Evans!”
“Marlena Evans-Brady, you mean!” said someone in the background and that addition registered on Marlena’s face with happiness, but Roman’s face appeared slightly stricken as if he were suddenly reminded of something he didn’t want to think about at this particular point in time.
“Well, let the celebration begin everyone!” he said cheerfully, ignoring the whole issue. Marlena didn’t miss his reaction and it hurt her, but she cared about his feelings too, so she approached him briefly before allowing herself to be greeted by everyone around the room. The others sensed their need and gave them a few moments alone by backing off slightly and resuming previous conversations, while the couple spoke privately.
“Roman, that comment upset you didn’t it?” she asked.
He smiled at her weakly and denied it, “No, it just caught me off guard that’s all, kind of like this whole deal. Maybe it’s just starting to catch up with me or something,” he said, avoiding the issue again, wishing she would just let it go.
She reached up to touch his face and said softly, “Honey, you don’t have to pretend for me, I understand. You were expecting that Isabella was going to share your last name soon and now…”
Marlena was being too good, too kind about it and it made him feel guilty. Roman pulled slightly away from her touch, saying, “And now….who knows, and besides…I know you don’t understand so would you please just.. stop saying you do.” He said it with an angry edge to his voice that he didn’t intend to put there, but that hurt her feelings nevertheless.
She reacted sharply to his tone, out of the jealousy she had been denying. Before she took time to think and before he could apologize, she said, “Well, I’m so sorry I complicated your life Roman. I’m sorry that I didn’t stay dead for you!”
Her comments were loud enough to turn heads and both Roman and Marlena felt horrible about their heated exchange. Roman winced painfully for both of them, shut his eyes briefly, and then glanced down at a spot on the living room carpet. Marlena felt angry with herself and quite embarassed as well. She covered her mouth with her hand in that characteristic gesture of hers and ran back out of the house in tears, leaving everyone in the state of shock they were already experiencing because of her startling return.
After a few polite seconds of silence, Shawn stepped closer to Roman and asked a question in a way that didn’t give the man room for anything but an affirmative response. “Well, aren’t you going to go after her son?” he asked expectantly.
Roman sighed tiredly, then looked up and responded to the inquiry, “Of course I am. Listen, I’m sorry about that, but this is…a lot to handle…for both of us. Please stay everyone, I’ll talk to her and she’ll come back. I know she really wants to see all of you tonight.”
Bo came over and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder and said, “It’s okay, bro…we know this all has to be pretty confusing for you and Marlena and…..Isabella too. You did tell her about this, didn’t you?”
Roman nodded and answered quietly, “Yea…I did, she was great about it, but she said she had to leave.” With a slightly trembling lip he added sadly, “She uh..gave me the ring back…” Roman shut his eyes to force back the pain he felt when she placed the ring in his hand and he was only partially successful in his efforts as a lone tear found its way out of his eye.
His mother could see the pain he was in and knew he was wishing the situation away. A part of her wished she could give him that option, but knowing it wasn’t possible, she decided to help him face it. “I’m sorry, Roman. I know you love her very much, ” said Caroline in a comforting tone. “And, I know this is so hard on you, but you have to think of Marlena too. She needs you right now, go to her Roman.”
He nodded and turned away, walking slowly toward the door. He breathed in and out deeply and then stepped outside, his eyes swiftly scanning the area for Marlena. Seeing her sitting in the car, he approached hesitantly, wondering what he should say to her. He hated hurting her even a little…. “Hey..Doc, are you doing okay?” he asked, his genuine concern evident.
Upon seeing him come up, she instantly began to apologize for her outburst. “I’m sorry, Roman that was uncalled for. I know it’s only natural that you would feel torn and I shouldn’t have said that to you, please forgive me?”
He instinctively took the blame for the difficult interchange, “No, Doc, I’m sorry. It was my irritated tone that set you off. I apologize for taking out any of my frustration on you, this is not your fault. I told you before I am overjoyed that you’re alive and well and that you came back home, and I meant it. I’m just…having some trouble dealing with all of the changes; it’s happening so fast, you know?”
She felt it too and agreed, “Yes, I know.” There was an awkward silence which she finally broke by asking a question, “Roman could you please…hold me?” He stepped closer and gently pulled her to a standing position, then wrapped his strong muscular arms around her. “There, how’s that? he asked pleasantly.
It was wonderful to be in those arms again, it always felt so secure and she replied, “Ah…just about as safe and warm as I remembered it being. Thank you, Roman.”
Roman was a little surprised to feel that warmth and security himself, “Well, it feels pretty darn good to me too, Marlena. I almost forgot what it felt like to have you in my arms. I…missed you so much!”
“I know you did…I’m so sorry that I couldn’t come back sooner.”
“Me too, Doc…me too,” he said remembering how much he suffered when he thought she was dead. He had floundered and wished himself dead any number of long lonely nights without her. Suddenly, he said anxiously, “Marlena…I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you..I’m really sorry that I didn’t know you were still alive!” Tears suddenly came to his eyes, taking him by surprise and his voice trembled with remorse for falling in love with someone else.
Marlena pulled out of the embrace, touched by the emotion in his voice and his words, but she didn’t want him to blame himself for moving on. No matter if she felt some jealousy, she really didn’t want that at all. Crying again herself, Marlena reached out to wipe a straggling tear off his cheek as she said tenderly, “Oh, honey..I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty for falling in love again, I really don’t want you to feel bad about that. There was no way you could have known, Roman, and I wanted you to find happiness again.”
His anguish seemed to be increasing by the moment as he said, “I can’t help it, Doc…If I had waited…none of this would be happening. Isabella wouldn’t be alone right now and crying over me and I wouldn’t be hurting you by not being able to just…take you right back into my life, into my heart and accept you as my wife. You are the last two people I would ever want to hurt and there’s no way around it, Doc. No matter what I do from now on, one of you is going to be hurt because of me.”
Marlena’s heart was breaking for him and she wished she could help him with his dilemna. “Oh, sweety…I know it…and I’m sorry you are in a position like that. I wish there was something I could do to help you, but there just isn’t, Roman. You will eventually have to make a choice between us and one of us will have to let you go.”
Roman pulled her body close to his in an intense clinch, as if by holding her tightly he could avoid that choice. He wanted to stay in this moment and not allow anything to penetrate the feeling of love and acceptance between them. “Oh, Doc!” he whispered with intensity. “I missed you and I needed you so much…I’m so glad you’re back and I don’t want to hurt you!”
The desperation in his tone and his embrace touched her heart and she indicated the longing she felt for him, “Oh Roman….I wish we could stay like this and not have to deal with any of it, I want to stay in your arms forever!”
“Me too, Doc!” he said in a passionate whisper. They continued to embrace for long minutes before he broke the contact and the silence this time. Wiping the remainder of the moisture from around the corners of his eyes with his knuckles, Roman sniffed once and said, “Marlena, you know there’s house full of people in there who love you and missed you too, and they’re waiting for you. Are you ready to go back inside?”
She wiped her own tears with the backs of her outstretched fingertips, nodded and smiled weakly, returning his hesitant one. Then once again, they went arm in arm toward the warm home in which they shared so much love and laughter in times past. As they walked slowly toward the front door once more, both Roman and Marlena were wondering whether they would be sharing their future in that house as a married couple. In light of that thought, they were contemplating the difficult decisions that had to be made in the weeks and months to follow, while at the same time trying very hard not to think about much more than the evening ahead of them.
~~~~~
Hand in hand they entered the home in which they once shared every part of themselves. Tonight there were many friends and family members waiting patiently, but with apprehension as there was much uncertainty ahead for this pair. Roman smiled warmly at Marlena as he turned the doorknob and ushered her back inside, saying, “Let’s try this again, shall we? Welcome home, Marlena.”
She melted into that warm greeting, “Thank you, Roman.” Then she looked up to a sea of loving, welcoming smiles and they all called out at once, “Welcome Home Marlena!!” Before she knew it she was surrounded by love as Shawn and Caroline, Tom and Alice, Maggie and Mickey, Hope, Bo, Kayla and all the other people that she loved came over to embrace the woman they had all mourned for five long years. “It’s a miracle! I can hardly believe it! You’re really alive and well!” Those and so many other comments were heard as the group continued to adjust to the return of someone who was dearly loved, but had been presumed dead for five long years.
Still in her own kind of shock she said a heartfelt, “Oh, this is..so.. wonderful! Thank you all so much!” she cried, tears leaking out and trickling joyfully down her slightly flushed cheeks. She turned back toward the smiling Roman and mouthed a quiet, “Thank you.”
He leaned in and wrapped his arms around her and said in her ear, “You’re welcome, Doc…I’m so glad you’re home now. We all missed you more than we can say.”
“Okay…tell us all about what happened? Do you know where you were?” asked Bo, the detective in him seeking answers.
Roman felt his protective nature returning powerfully as he said, “Hey, Bo…why don’t we give her a break, there will be time for all of that later; let’s just let her enjoy being here for now, okay…everybody?”
“You’re right, I’m sorry, Welcome Home, Marlena,” Bo said as he pulled her into a warm embrace.
“Thank you, Bo. I’m glad to be back. Roman tells me you and Hope have a little boy named Shawn Douglas, you wouldn’t happen to have any pictures would you?”
Hope stepped forward, “I do! I always carry some with me, Marlena,” she said with excitement as she began to pull out the photos of her adorable boy.
“Oh, Hope…Bo, he is so cute…I can’t wait to see him!” Marlena said with enthusiasm, while also anticipating seeing her own children in the morning. They had decided to wait until the next day to spring the news on the kids, who were sleeping soundly. The twins were able to sleep through just about anything, or so it seemed to Roman.
Within minutes Marlena found herself catching up with everyone and Roman just stood back watching with a satisfied smile gracing his face. “Oh, Marlena…I can’t tell you what’s ahead for us, but I sure am glad you came back home,” he said to himself in a whisper. Roman knew he had made the right decision in bringing her straight to the house when he looked around at all the happy faces that filled his home and heard the sounds of her soft laughter echoing off its walls. “Welcome home, Doc.. welcome home.”
As he leaned against a wall and watched his friends and family gather around to tell her all the news, he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a comforting voice. “So, how are you doing with all of this, Roman?” asked his little sister Kayla.
He turned to her instantly, saying, “Honestly?”
“Yes, of course, honestly. I know it couldn’t have been easy to tell Isabella about Marlena being alive.”
He sighed with relief, knowing he could tell her his true feelings, “No it wasn’t…. it was the toughest thing I’ve had to do since I told Carrie that Marlena….that I thought Marlena had died. Pretty ironic isn’t it?” he said, trying to muster a smile, but failing.
“Yes..it is. I’m sorry about that, Roman. It must have been very hard to do it on a night when you were supposed to be celebrating your engagement with her.”
He shrugged it off, “Yea, well…it just couldn’t be helped. I couldn’t really ask Marlena to wait any longer to see everyone either. It was the right thing to do.” Thinking back to the moment he told his fiance the news, Roman sighed again and said, ” I just wish I didn’t have to hurt her, Kayla. She was so…strong, she was better about it than I was. Izzy B realized right away that she had to move out and she gave me back the ring. She said we couldn’t be engaged because my wife had returned. I couldn’t even think that far.”
Kayla could see he was struggling with his emotions and hugged him lightly, saying, “I’m sorry Roman. I know how much you love her, how much you were looking forward to the wedding. This must be quite a shock for you.”
He nodded and smiled strangely, “You could say that, yea. I sure wish there was a way to make it so that nobody would get hurt in this scenario,” he said sadly.
Kayla had shared that thought, “Me too, Roman. But, you know there isn’t, don’t you? At some point, you have to make a choice between them, and one of them will be hurt.”
A few tears came to his eyes and he nodded and struggled to respond. Absently running his fingers through his hair, he said, “I know…Kay…I know. I just wish… Oh, man….if only I had waited for her.”
His sister touched his arm to get his full attention and said, “Stop right there, big brother. There was absolutely no way you could have known she was still alive, Roman. You did everything you could to find her when she first turned up missing and you saw the plane go down for goodness sake. I don’t want to hear you say that again, this situation is not your fault!”
Bo approached, hearing the tail end of her comments and agreed, “She’s right, bro…you couldn’t have known and it was five years ago.”
He looked at them both and smiled, thanking God for their support. “Okay, you’re right, I couldn’t have known. Besides, no amount of wishing is gonna change reality here. I just have to find a way to face the fact that I…can’t love them both.”
“But you do, don’t you? You love them both very much,” his sister said softly, yet sounding certain of her statement.
He fingered the ring in his jacket pocket and pulled it out to look at it, remembering the day he proposed, picturing the delight on Isabella’s face and the happy tears they had both shed that day. Then he glanced over at Marlena, admiring the radiant smile on her face and the sparkle in her eyes; he remembered the agonizing grief he experienced when he lost her and the overwhelming sense of joy he felt in the instant he first saw her alive on the pier. After a few long moments of contemplation, he turned back to look at his siblings and said firmly, “Yes, I do. I love them both.. more than words can say.. and I have no idea what in the world I’m gonna do about that right now.”
“It’s okay, Roman. We all know it’s going to take some time for you to make sense out of all this and decide what your future holds. I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, I’m available big brother.”
“Me too, bro..me too,” said Bo as he patted Roman on the back. “You can’t really know how good that is to hear. I might just take you guys up on that offer one of these days. Bo..could you do me a favor, could you…look after Izzy B for me? She’s really gonna need someone to rely on while I…try to sort all of this out.”
“Of course I can, Roman. I was already thinking that I should spend some more time at the new office with her, maybe I can get her working on some cases to give her something else to focus on.”
“Sounds good, Bo. Thanks so much. Knowing you’re there for her will make it a little easier for me to concentrate on helping Marlena get as much of her life back as possible.”
“I’ll be there for her too, Roman. We’ve gotten to be pretty close friends during the last few months,” said Kayla pleasantly. “I care about her a lot.”
“I know you do…thanks Kay.” Roman heard the sounds of laughter again and looked back over at Marlena, smiling slightly at the sight of her. “You know something…no matter what happens, I am incredibly grateful to have Marlena back here. Look at her…she’s so happy, I can’t tell you how much I missed that smile.”
Bo and Kayla exchanged knowing glances. “Roman, you don’t need to tell us, we remember what it was like for you at first…I was so worried about you sometimes,” said Kayla, remembering how devastated he had been when he first returned to Salem after seeing the plane go down.
Roman shut his eyes briefly, remembering too, and said, “Yea…there were times when I didn’t think I would survive it. A lot has changed since then, but…I do care for her…so much and I’m gonna be there for her through everything like she was for me when I came back and didn’t even know who I was. I won’t let her down.”
“We know you won’t Roman and so does she.” She knows she can always count on you and that will help her get through some of the rough times ahead.”
Across the room, Marlena was standing near the fireplace talking more seriously with Caroline and she wanted to ask about Roman’s feelings for Isabella. “Caroline, I know he is engaged to marry Isabella, but tell me…does he…really love her?”
Caroline didn’t want to hurt her, but she wasn’t going to lie, “Oh, Marlena I know this must be so hard for you, to come home after five years have passed. For you it feels like a few days ago, but to all of us those years brought so many changes. Roman grieved for you…so much and it took a very long time for him to let himself feel anything for any woman. Then Isabella came along and…well…he does love her, Marlena…very much. I don’t want to pretend otherwise, but I also know that he loved you more than life itself and he is overjoyed to see you alive and well. He…cares very much for you and he always will.”
“Oh, Caroline..you’re right it is hard on me and I know it’s going to be difficult for him too. I don’t want him to feel guilty about having fallen in love with someone else, but I won’t lie about it either, I want Roman back. I still love him as much as the day we were married, as much as the day I was taken away from him and I’m not going to just let go of him to make things easier for everybody.” Marlena glanced across the room and saw the man she loved talking with his sister and it appeared serious. Thinking he was probably talking about his impending dilemma, she continued, speaking candidly while still looking at Roman, “Caroline, I’m going to fight for his love, I hope that doesn’t upset you. I can tell that everyone adores Isabella and I don’t want to hurt her, but only one of us can share a life with Roman and I want it to be me, he is still my husband…you know.”
“Marlena, I understand how you feel, I really do, and I agree. In the eyes of God and the church you and Roman are still husband and wife, but that doesn’t mean that he will see it that way.” Caroline directed her gaze toward her eldest son as well and seeing the tension lines on his face, she cautioned Marlena, “Please, take it slow and give Roman some time to settle with the fact that you are alive and have come home. I’m sure you realize that this is all a tremendous shock to him and he’s going to be confused for quite some time. Marlena, he had to lock his love for you away in his heart so that he could survive the loss and it might be hard for him to bring those feelings out in the open again.”
Picking up a picture of Roman, herself, the twins and Carrie, off the mantel, she said, “I know that and I understand, I just want to remind him of the wonderful love we shared, to help him remember the strong bond of love that existed between us. If I can do that, then maybe he’ll open up his heart and decide to spend his future with me.”
It was all a little unnerving for Caroline and she finished with one more cautionary note, “I can see that you love him and that you’re determined. Please take it nice and slow, Marlena. This is a lot for him to handle, I’m sure you’re aware of that.”
Quietly, Marlena answered as she nodded her head, “Yes, I am. Don’t worry, I won’t push him, Caroline. But, I won’t just sit around and hope for the best either. We had five years stolen from us already. I love him very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and our children, the way we were meant to be. Then, I’ll feel like I really am welcome here at home.”
The party lasted as long as did the will to stay awake and Roman had tried several times to get Marlena to admit that she was getting tired and call it a night. Finally, he had to say, “Well everyone, it’s time to call an end to this little shindig, I think we have one tired young lady on our hands.” He was yawning while he spoke and the gathering laughed about it. Smiling sheepishly, he said, “Okay, so we have one tired…man of the house and he’s kicking you all out. Say goodnight everybody and we can pick up tomorrow where we left off tonight. We’ll be celebrating the return of this lady for a long time time to come. It’s a miracle pure and simple and I’m more than grateful.” As he talked, he pulled Marlena up off the couch where she was sitting, into a close embrace, savoring the feeling of having her in his arms after so many years without her.
There were words of agreement, “Goodnight everybody…” said Bo and Kayla teasing their brother, in unison.
“Very funny, you two…now, go on, get out of my house, would ya?” he teased back with a wide grin on his face at the same time as he made a shooing motion with his hands. It felt wonderful to be joking with them, Marlena at his side.
With mock idignation they said, “Fine, if that’s the way you feel about, we’ll just be leaving now!” They turned sharply, pretending as if they were offended and Marlena just shook her head, saying, “Boy, did I miss this….”
“So did we…Marlena, so did we,” said Kayla smiling. “It’s so good to have you back.”
“It’s so good to be back,” Marlena replied enthusiastically as she snuggled up closer wrapping her arms around Roman’s waist. He looked at her with a warm satisfied smile.
Amen to all of that!” said Shawn while stepping closer to hug his daughter-in-law. “We’ve all missed you somethin terrible, Marlena.”
“Oh, Shawn…I’m so happy to see all of you!” she said tearfully. “This has been the most wonderful evening. Thank you all for giving me such a warm welcome.”
“Now, just what did you expect my dear?” asked Alice Horton while giving Marlena another quick hug. “We are all thrilled to have you back home safe and sound.”
“Yes, it really is nothing short of a miracle,” said Caroline Brady as she too leaned in for a comforting embrace. Taking her daughter-in-law aside briefly, she whispered, “Good luck, Marlena. I love you very much and I’m so grateful to God for allowing you to return to all of us.”
“Thank you, Caroline. I am too, and I promise I will take care of Roman’s heart. Don’t you worry, I won’t push him. I just want to love him…that’s all.”
The older woman understood, but she was concerned about her son’s feelings as well. He had been thoroughly devastated when he thought the woman he loved had perished in a plane crash and his mother had never quite stopped worrying about him. Though she knew he was very happy to have Marlena back, Caroline also knew he loved Isabella and she wondered how he was going to handle the stress of all the changes to come. Making a choice was going to be very difficult for him without the added pressure of knowing the two women were actively competing to win his affections, which she now believed was inevitable. Just by looking at him, she could already see the signs of stress in his face. He was tense off and on during the evening and she had periodically noticed him staring out the window, lost in thought, probably worrying about Isabella. Then, in the next moment he would be telling someone he was ecstatic that Marlena had returned. After the polite interchange with Marlena, Caroline managed to get a moment alone in the kitchen with her son and she said, “Roman…I know this is such a shock for you and I can see that it’s already wearing on you. If you need to..talk, I’m always here for you.”
He shrugged off the concern saying, “I appreciate that Mom, but I’m fine. Marlena’s the one you should be worried about. I want to make sure she’s really okay and help her regain her life and her memories of what happened. Don’t worry about me, okay?”
Caroline smiled knowingly, “Oh, Roman, it’s just like you to try and forget about your own feelings and focus on someone else’s needs. Please, take care of yourself too, Roman. I know it was very hard to see Isabella leave here tonight, I know how much you love her.”
He sighed..exhaustedly; it was so difficult to keep pretending and his mother sometimes saw through him. Roman decided to let down his guard and be honest. “Yea….it…was. You should have seen her, Mom.” With a few tears forming behind his eyes, he spoke of his other love, “She was trying to be so brave, but it was tearing her apart. When she gave me back the ring, I felt like… I was kicked in the stomach. I couldn’t think that far, but she did, she’s so strong, Mom.” Battling for his composure, he voiced his sadness about the decision he was facing in the near future, “Oh, Mom, I don’t want to hurt her…and I don’t want to hurt Marlena either. But that’s exactly what’s gonna happen, one of them is gonna get hurt…no matter what I do!”
She hated that he had to face a choice like that, but it couldn’t be denied. “Yes, sweety…you have to choose and one of them will be hurt, there isn’t any way to avoid it. I’m so sorry, Roman.”
He wiped away a straggling tear or two with the back of his closed hand and blew out a long breath. Then he said resignedly, “Yea…me too. Thanks for listening…it helps. I’ll see you soon, Ma.”
Caroline knew he had been as open as he could be for the moment and so she hugged him gingerly and said, “I love you very much, Roman and your father and I will support you in whatever decision you make.” In the back of her mind, she recalled her conversation with Marlena earlier and felt guilty for having given out two different messages. She just couldn’t put more pressure on Roman by pressing the church’s stance on the sanctity of marriage on him at this moment. Though it was no fault of his own, he was already feeling bad about loving two women at the same time. Even though he didn’t say it, Caroline knew her son felt guilty that he didn’t know Marlena was alive and that he hadn’t waited for her.
“Thanks, Mom, that means a lot to me, it really does.” He put his arm around her and together they walked out into the living room where the only ones left were the closest of family members. Kayla, Bo and Hope, and Shawn were there with Marlena, standing by the door, ready to leave. “Well, it looks like it’s time to call it a night,” said Roman.
“Yes, it is…son, we’ll see you two tomorrow sometime. You just let us know when it’s convenient to visit. And, if you’re needin’ some time alone to catch up on things, we’ll be glad to watch the twins for you,” said Shawn helpfully while checking with his wife nonverbally.
“Yes, we will, anytime at all,” agreed Caroline. “Well, let’s go Shawn, Marlena is probably very tired after this long day.”
Stifling a yawn, Marlena finally admitted, “I hate to say it, but I guess it is starting to catch up with me, I think I could fall asleep standing up.”
Kayla said, “I still can’t believe we’re standing here talking to you. It’s incredible! I’m so happy, Marlena!” She moved in for one last hug, pulling Marlena close. “Welcome home, Marlena,” she whispered.
It was all getting to be a bit too much for Marlena and she found herself near tears again, “Oh…Kayla..I’m so happy to be here with all of you. You have made me feel so loved…thank you so much!”
Bo said, “Marlena…you don’t need to thank us for loving you. We’re lucky to have you back, we’re the ones who should be thankful.”
“That is a fact…I know I’m thanking God every few minutes, Doc. Now, please say goodnight before we’re too tired to make it up the stairs.”
“Goodnight,” said all four of the remaining Brady’s at the same time. As Roman shut the door behind them, he leaned heavily against the door and said, “Oh, Doc….that was great but I’m beat, how about you?”
“No, I’m….full of energy, Roman,” she said while yawning again. Then she laughed and he felt himself drifting back in time to so many other moments when the sound of her laughter had captivated him and filled his heart with joy. Taking her in his arms, he said with a slightly shaky voice that was laden with emotion, “Oh, Doc…you just can’t know how good it is to hear your laughter, I missed that sound in our home, and I missed you so..much!”
“Oh, Roman…I’m sorry I was gone for so long.” She could feel the love he felt and she wanted to act on the love she felt for him, but wasn’t sure of herself or how he would respond and she didn’t want to push him. She reached up tentatively for his face, caressing his cheeks with both hands. “I…love you, Roman,” she whispered as she went on her tip toes to kiss him, softly at first. He responded for a moment, relishing the feeling of her tongue intertwined with his, the sweetness of her lips and then that sense of betraying his commitment to Isabella hit him hard and fast and he pulled away from her.
Roman turned slightly away from her while apologizing in broken phrases, “I’m…sorry, Marlena…I…just…can’t.. It…feels….wr..wrong, somehow, I’m sorry. This is so confusing!” he finished anxiously, as he turned to face her again.
She was disappointed, but she did understand. However, in the split second he responded she felt something deep inside her being reawakened and she believed he did too and that it was the real reason he had broken off the kiss. She concluded that it scared him to feel something for her again, so quickly. “It’s okay, Roman. I shouldn’t have done that, I know this is a lot for you to handle right now.”
He showed her a weak smile and replied apologetically again, “Thanks, Doc…I don’t mean to reject you or make you feel bad, I’m just not ready for anything like that yet. Okay?”
“I know, Roman and it’s okay, I just love you so much and I want to show you that love,” she said honestly.
He glanced away, hiding from the desire in her eyes and said quietly, “Marlena….I…can’t..give you what you want and I’m sorry. I just…need some time to…make sense out of all of this, please try to understand.”
“I know…and I do understand, Roman. I just don’t want to pretend that I don’t love you the way I’ve always loved you. My feelings are right here in the present, Roman because I was asleep for five years, but yours aren’t because you thought I was dead. That makes it pretty confusing for you and I’m going to respect your need for some time to figure out who and what you want in your life.”
He turned to face her, held her shoulders and stared into her eyes, wanting her to believe his next sentence, “Doc, I will always want you in my life…but..it’s true what you said, I had to put my feelings for you in the past in order to survive and move on. Now, five years later, suddenly it’s okay to…love you again. I’m not really sure what to do with that, Marlena,” he said, the distress he felt made clear by his expression.
Marlena sighed with frustration as she felt the need to voice what was unspoken, “And….there are your feelings for Isabella. Your love for her is all in the present, it seems more…real to you, doesn’t it?”
What could he say to that. He opted for the truth and with a gentle nod of his head, he said, “Yes…that’s how it seems, Doc. It’s all so unreal, having you here, almost like it’s just another dream that I’m gonna wake up from.”
Marlena touched his chin and gently tipped it up so their eyes met again. Softly she said, “Roman, it’s not a dream, your wife has come home. She’s back to stay and you have to face what that means. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not even next week, but soon, Roman. Honey, I know that it’s very difficult and confusing for you and I’m going to do everything I can to help make it easier for you, but sooner or later you have to decide whether or not you want to stay married to me.”
Hearing it said so clearly, so bluntly was painful and he didn’t want to think about it anymore and he pulled away from her. Changing the subject, he said, “You know it really is getting late, I think we should be going to bed and we can deal with this later. It’s been a long day and I’m really wiped out, Doc.” Roman leaned in to give her a quick peck on the cheek and then started up the stairs.
She lingered a moment, ‘Oh, Roman,’ she sighed to herself. ‘You can’t run from your feelings or the truth, at least not for long.’ Recognizing his need to avoid it for awhile, she turned and said, “You’re right, Roman it really has been a long day and I am tired.”
“Okay, then let me take you to your room. The guest room is all set, I…hope that’s okay, Doc.” He said it with an embarassed apologetic tone and then averted his gaze slightly afterward. There was an awkward pause before she responded as she imagined him picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom they shared so long ago now and then making tender love to her.
She sighed with the knowledge that her vision might never come true and answered with a weak smile, “Yes, it will be just fine, Roman. Thank you.” She walked slowly toward the staircase and then took the hand he offered. Together they ascended the stairs toward their separate bedrooms. The love was there, but they weren’t anywhere near the right emotional climate in which to share it freely. ‘Maybe, some day,’ she thought to herself. Roman was thinking too, ‘I’m sorry, Doc…but I do love Isabella and I can’t be with either of you until I can decide what to do about this…crazy situation we’re all in right now.’ As they reached the hallway, Roman kissed Marlena lightly on the cheek and said, “Sweet dreams, Doc.”
“You too, Roman,” was all she said in return as she turned the doorknob and reluctantly entered the guest bedroom alone. After an awkward lingering glance at her, Roman turned slowly away from her and stepped into the master bedroom, wishing he could make her feel better about it, but he knowing he couldn’t betray his love for Isabella. When he was behind the relative safety of the closed door he said sadly to himself, “Oh, Doc…I’m so sorry, I wish I could…make love with you the way you want me to, but I just..can’t, not with things the way they are.”
They went to their individual bedrooms, to spend the night alone with their troubled thoughts. After five long years without each other they were together at last, and yet they were separate. Such a strange paradox it was; Roman and Marlena were now only a few yards away from each other in geographical terms, but in all reality they were worlds apart. Each of them silently wondered if that distance would ever be closed and their love fully rekindled.
“Oh, Roman, I love you so…” Marlena said softly as she laid her weary head on the pillow. She turned her thoughts to God, “Dear Lord, if our love is truly meant to be…help us find it again. Please help Roman to remember how wonderful we were together. I love him so much!” Her thoughts of him, she soon fell asleep dreaming of their love and a happy future. They were pleasant dreams filled with smiles and laughter, playful times with the twins, family gatherings, and holidays. Her mind wanted to believe that her future was bright and included the only man to whom she had given her whole heart and soul.
Roman couldn’t sleep, his mind was in turmoil. Leaning back against the headboard he spoke out loud, “What am I gonna do? I swore it wasn’t possible to love two women at the same time…but I do. Oh, God…please, if you ever wanted to do something with me…do it now. Tell me what I should do here. How can I choose between the two most incredible women I’ve ever met? Give me some kind of a…sign or something, please!” No answer was in sight; this was one he was going to have to handle on his own. His dreams were filled with confusing conflicting images, fragments of a life, some of it spent with Isabella, Marlena crying in the background, her eyes filled with tears every time he came to pick up the kids when they were with her. Then there were joyful times with Marlena and the kids, but he couldn’t really enjoy himself because he kept hearing Isabella’s mournful cries, pleading with him to choose her instead.
They were standing alone on the pier and Isabella was saying, “Roman… please.. choose me….I love you! You asked me to marry you, you gave me a ring…were you lying to me?”
In anguish he replied, “No, I wasn’t lying Izzy B. I love you very much, but…I’m…already married. We can’t be together, it’s not right, I’m sorry!”
She pulled him into a fierce kiss meant to persuade and he felt himself falling under her spell. “Oh, I do love you Izzy…Oh, God! What am I gonna do?” he was asking as he continued to respond to her attempt to seduce him. “Oh, I need you and I want to be with you…so badly!”
The other woman shouted from a distance, “No! Stop this, he’s my husband! Get away from him, Isabella!” Marlena came running up and ripped the other woman’s hands off of Roman and took the bewildered man in her arms, kissing him just as convincingly.
Marlena was desperate and she kissed him with that emotion and he found his desire for her building as each second passed. His heart pounding, his breathing labored, Roman whispered passionately, “Oh, Doc…oh, I…want you, Doc! I still love you, I need you so much!”
The shrill ringing of an alarm caused him to sit bolt upright in the bed; the images and sensations from the dream were so real that his heart was still pounding and his breathing was still ragged. He put a slightly trembling hand to his lips and asked the questions his dreams were trying to answer for him, the questions he didn’t want to face. He shut his eyes and leaned back against the pillow for a moment, remembering the dream, he said achingly, “Oh…Izzy B…Doc…what am I gonna do here? How do I stop myself from hurting you, how will I ever stop wanting and needing you both?”
The sun was peeking warily through the clouds in the Salem skies and shining lightly through the window panes. It was morning and Marlena didn’t want to wait another second to see the children. ‘Five years, that’s such a long time,’ she thought. ‘I hope they’re happy to see me, to know that I’m alive. Oh, come on Marlena, after the shock wears off, you know they will be…right?’ There were so many questions swirling around in her head that she was thankful when she heard the soft knocking on her door. She was so excited to start this day that she practically leaped off the bed to greet a still yawning Roman at the door. She noticed his eyes meet her gaze and then glance away; she wondered why and quickly realized that it was her somewhat revealing nightgown and Marlena smiled with embarrassment, but on the inside she was saying, ‘Well, at least I know he’s still affected by the sight of me. “Oh, I..uh better put my robe on, excuse me for a second,” was what she said to him.
His attention still directed toward her beauty, he stammered slightly in responding, “Uh…yea…that’s..probably a good idea, Doc.” What he wanted to say was, ‘Oh, Marlena you are still the most naturally beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.’ He felt his breathing quicken a little as he watched her walk across the room to retrieve the robe she had mentioned.
With her back turned she smiled gleefully. She said to herself, ‘Oh, Roman..I’m so glad to know you’re still attracted to me. At least that aspect of this situation won’t hurt my chances with you.’ Turning toward him she asked, “So, are the twins awake yet?”
“No, they’re still out. You wanna watch em sleep? They still look like little angels when they’re asleep, Doc.”
Marlena sighed with mixed emotions, part of her glad that was true and the other sad for having missed more than a thousand other chances to see their angelic faces as they slept peacefully. “Yes, please let’s go before they wake up. I’ve missed so much and I don’t want to lose another opportunity to see them like that.”
“I know, Doc and I’m so sorry for that, I wish…I…”
She cut him off before he could say it, “Stop it, Roman, it’s not your fault at all, so quit blaming yourself for not knowing what happened to me, okay?” she implored.
“Okay…Marlena, I’ll quit, but I am really sorry about what you missed and I’ll do whatever I can to help you get as much of what you lost back as soon as you possibly can, alright?”
“It’s a deal, Roman,” she said as they headed down the hallway toward the room where Sami and Eric were sleeping. Roman opened the door just enough so that she could see them and she sighed with contentment, at last she could see her babies. ‘They’re not babies anymore,’ she reminded herself, ‘They’re seven year olds. Wow…seven, my twins are seven years old, how is that possible?’ she asked silently.
Guessing about what she was thinking, Roman touched her on the shoulders to gain her attention and said, “They need you so much, you know that. They might not need you to feed them or change a diaper, but they need you more than you can ever know, Marlena.”
Her heart melted at his thoughtfulness. “How do you always know just what to say that will make me feel better?” she asked as she turned to him with a wide smile on her face.
“Oh, I don’t know if that’s the case, but I do know that what I just said is completely true. I did the best I could and I loved em, but Doc…they needed their mother and I am so glad you’re going to be here for them.”
Marlena sighed with relief and agreed, “Oh, Roman, so am I. I can’t wait until they’re awake.”
“You know, we should probably come up with a game plan here, I mean we haven’t really talked about what we’re going to say. Do you have any ideas? This is your field,” Roman said, hoping she did.
She smiled, touched that he wanted her to handle it. “Well, yes I guess it is. Hmm, how about you show them my pictures and talk about what happened and then tell them it was a big mistake and now I’m back and want to see them. Then you bring me in and we see what happens. How does that sound?”
Marlena made it sound so simple and Roman couldn’t think of anything better so he replied affirmatively, “Well, you make it seem so easy, I guess that will work. Okay, then that’s the plan,” he said with a smile of anticipation on his face.
They stood outside the door admiring their children in silence and there was a strong sense of connection, reminding them of the love that created those two precious lives. Both Roman and Marlena wanted to say something about it and started to talk at the same time. Roman said, “Marlena I…just want to say…” and she said, “Roman..seeing them..” They looked at each other and smiled, surmising what was happening and then Roman said, “Ladies first, Doc.”
She sighed as she gazed up into his inviting eyes and said, “Okay, then, what I was going to say was..seeing the twins sleeping like this reminded me of how strong we were, how much we loved each other.”
Still looking in on them, he wrapped his muscular arms around her from behind and said, “Me too, Doc. I was thinking the exact same thing. We were…amazing, weren’t we?”
Wistfully, she said, “Yes….we were wonderful together, Roman. I wish… oh, never mind..” She let her voice trail off quietly.
Roman gently turned her around and touched her tenderly on the cheeks with his right hand and said, “No, tell me, what do you wish?”
The tenderness made her ache for him even more and she told him the truth, “Oh, Roman…you know already. I wish it could be like that for us again. I still love you that much.” Marlena looked into his eyes and she could see how torn he was, as if he was divided into two equal parts and one part wanted to tell her and show her that he loved her the same way. She didn’t want to think about the other one.
It was true, part of him wanted so much to give her what she longed for, to just tell her that he realized she was still his wife and therefore his commitment to her was in full force, that he would go to Isabella and break it off for good. But another part of him felt as though that love was in the past; it was dead and carefully buried in a special corner of his heart and he didn’t know quite how to make it come alive again. He still wanted to touch her, but it felt strangely awkward in this moment and he dropped his hands back down to his sides. “I’m….sorry Marlena, I….I’m not ready to… I…care so much about you, you know that, but I…don’t know what’s going to happen next. I’m so sorry, but I..can’t do any better than that right now.”
She sighed again, the warm moment gone as quickly as it had come. That other love was in the way. “Oh, Roman….I…I think I’ll just..go get a shower and then we can…tell the kids about me.” She turned quickly away from him to hide the moisture welling up her eyes and made it behind the shelter of the guest room door before he even had a chance to react.
He hurried down the hall and knocked lightly. “Wait, Marlena.. please talk to me,” he said through the closed door. As he waited, staring at the little nicks and inconsistencies in the paint job, he said quietly, “I’m sorry, Doc.” Finally, she rose from the bed where she was sitting and opened it slowly, then just looked at him sadly, “Marlena, I’m really sorry about all this confusion, but I won’t lie to you or pretend I’m not torn between you and Isabella. Yesterday, I was..celebrating my engagement to her and I.. thought you were long gone from my life. Now, you’re back and everything is changing so fast. I just…don’t know how to handle it all yet, can you please try to understand?”
She nodded, tearfully, “Yes…I can try, Roman. I just love you so much…it’s so hard! Could you just…hold me for a minute?”
He took her tenderly into his grasp, wrapping his arms around her and said softly, “Oh, Doc.. don’t cry…. please don’t cry. I’m here…I’m here. I…love you too.”
Holding her was like basking in the summer sun, it felt warm and safe and the memories started coming back, one in particular. It was their honeymoon and they were being playful, teasing each other. The fun and laughter served as the foreplay to their lovemaking. He remembered the day at the park in West Virginia with fondness, they were locked in a loving embrace, he was slowly lowering her to the ground, kissing her all the way down. As the summer breezes blew gently through their hair, he caressed the creamy soft skin of her face and ran his fingers through her silky tresses, mesmerized by her beauty. The love they made that day was incredible, it was like they literally became one being in the moment of their joining, as though their relationship was a bright and shining example of all that God intended love to be.
“Roman…honey…are you allright?” he heard from a distance, his mind still immersed in that blissful memory. She had ended the hug, but he hadn’t noticed, so warm were the sensations stimulated by the recollection.
“Huh…Oh, I..uh I was just..remembering something.”
Intrigued, she asked, “Remembering what?”
For some reason he felt suddenly nervous and shy and he stammered a little, “Uh… it. was, it was…our.. honeymoon, that..day in the park.”
He didn’t need to say more about it, his eyes and body language told her exactly what he was remembering and every detail came to her mind’s eye. “Oh, was it a pleasant memory, Roman?” she asked with a slightly sensuous expression on her face, knowing full well what he was recalling.
His face flushed mildly and he averted his gaze while he said, “Uh.. yea, you could say that. I was…remembering the…love, Doc..” Suddenly feeling more comfortable, he looked into her uncertain eyes and added, “..the love we felt and the…love we made. Marlena, I haven’t forgotten, it’s just…pretty confusing for me right now.”
She reached up to touch his face and said, “I know…I’m sorry if it feels like I’m pressuring you, that is not my intention, Roman.”
He took a deep breath and let it out and then changed the subject quickly, “Good, well now that we have that settled for the moment, why don’t you get that shower you were talking about and I’ll go get breakfast started. Then, before you know it the kids will be up. Today’s gonna be an exciting day for all of us, Doc!” he said with enthusiasm. Just before she entered the bathroom, he leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek and that simple brief contact had its effects on both of them.
As Marlena was about to close the door, she glanced back at Roman and their eyes met and lingered. No more words were uttered, but their eyes spoke volumes. The love was there and it was going to be rekindled, moment by moment, memory by memory. Roman was going to gradually rediscover the deep and abiding love he felt for Marlena. That love as well as the intense and overwhelming desire he had for her, and the rock-solid trust and friendship that was the foundation for the relationship were all going to rise from deep within his heart and soul, and one day Roman and Marlena would be together in love again, as they were always meant to be.
The door slowly closed and Roman went on down the stairs to make breakfast. He made himself busy with cooking and the time passed quickly. As he stood looking out the window, he gazed out at the sun that was shining brightly now, the clouds having drifted off to parts unknown. His heart felt light; this was going to be a great day, he just knew it. Roman turned around when he heard footsteps and Marlena was standing before him looking as beautiful as ever, and he felt his breath leave him for a second or two. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a crisp white oxford shirt in which she looked splendid, and his face bore a wide grin in response. She smiled warmly in return and he sighed with contentment and then said cheerfully with a double meaning, “Good morning Sunshine!”
Somewhere across town from here there is a woman whom I love
Yesterday we were planning to wed, now nothing about my future is clear
A miracle was granted, my greatest love has returned, therein lies the rub
What am I to do, how is my heart supposed to feel, now that she is here…..
Isabella Toscano began to wake up in a strange place and felt disoriented. She wasn’t in Roman’s bed…where was she? As the foggy tendrils of sleep cleared away, the painful memory came back. Roman’s wife had returned from the dead last night and Roman found her on the pier and brought her to the house during the engagement party. “Engagement…” she repeated out loud as she rubbed the fingertips of her right hand over the bare fourth finger of her left hand, remembering the agonizing moment of taking off the ring and pressing it into Roman’s right palm. “Oh, Roman…I love you so much! Will you ever put the ring back on my finger?” she asked the emptiness that surrounded her. She was in the guest room at Jack and Jen’s place. They were wonderful about having her stay with them. When Isabella spoke with Jennifer about what had happened, the invitation to stay as long as she needed was the first sentence out of her friend’s mouth after, “I’m sorry…I know how much you love him.”
Isabella allowed herself to arise gradually, reluctant to face the day. Finally she stood up and put her robe on, then padded slowly toward the bathroom to get a shower. She was so tired, she hadn’t been able to sleep. All she could think of was Roman and Marlena together at the house, wondering how it was going, wondering if he were thinking of her and wishing to be with her as she was him. Her dreams were filled with alternate versions of the outcome of this newly created triangle. One dream would have Roman telling her on bended knee that he still loved her and wanted to marry her, that he was planning to finalize a divorce from Marlena. Then the next one had him tearfully apologizing to her and explaining that his love for the other woman had been rekindled, that he was staying with her and their children. “Oh, Roman…which will it be?” she again asked the air…wishing there would be an answer for her, knowing it would come someday down the line.
Isabella stepped apprehensively into the shower and felt a twinge of pain on the right side, down below the appendix, “Ow…what was that?” she felt it again and then before she could find the words to describe what it felt like, it was gone. “Hmm, probably just a little…gas,” she said to herself and chuckled as she remembered that Roman often said that when there was unidentified pain in the abdominal area. She could hear him saying it and then saw in her mind’s eye, the smile that would spread across his handsome face as she punched him playfully on the arm and responded, “Oh, Roman…that’s what you always say.” She sighed…there were so many little things about him that she loved, so many every day little moments like that.
She missed him already, the way he would kiss her good morning, the way he said goodbye when he had to go into the “Cop Shop,” the way he gloried in making pancake breakfasts for the twins… the beaming smile of pride and joy when he successfully flipped them in the pan and then landed them perfectly on the kids’ plates. Taking out a snapshot of the four of them taken at a softball game earlier in the summer, she spoke to his smiling image. “Roman, I do love you….everything about you, every little moment we’ve shared. I hope our time together and our love count for something when you’re deciding your future, I hope you don’t forget how special it has been between us, how happy the kids have been since we got together.” She sighed with worry and implored him to hear her, “Don’t forget, Roman….please don’t forget about Us.”
* * *
At the Brady household across town, Roman was in the process of trying once again to flip the pancakes and was only slightly successful and Marlena was beginning to giggle at his rising frustration. It was obvious that he was trying to show off his well honed skills, perfected through the years. “Hey…no comments from the peanut gallery,” he said firmly while winking to let her know he was teasing.
“Who me? I didn’t say a thing. Oh you mean the laughing….sorry about that…am I..distracting you, Roman?” she asked, teasing in response.
“Well, as a matter of fact,” he started and then thought better of it as he saw her expression. “No, I think I’m just so excited this morning that my concentration is off a little, that’s all.”
She smiled, nodded and mumbled purposely, “Same old Roman…I see.”
That one caused him to turn around and look her in the eye… “And just what is that supposed to mean, Doc?” he asked with an edge to his voice.
This was getting to be fun, “Oh….shall we say.. defensive perhaps?”
Smiling broadly, he pointed to himself and replied, “Me… defensive… nah….couldn’t be. Not the new and improved Roman Brady…I don’t get defensive. I was just…uh…making a reasonable…” Roman paused briefly and Marlena jumped in again.
“Excuse, is that the word you were searching for, Roman?” she joked again, loving every minute of their teasing banter; it was almost like the old days.
“Ha ha.. no, that is not the word…I was searching for, miss smarty pants, it was..explanation, so there.” He promptly flipped the next three pancakes in a row perfectly and smiled proudly on his own behalf, puffing his chest out. She was speechless momentarily and he stuck his tongue out at her very briefly which made her laugh again. He loved to hear her laugh, she could see that much in his eyes and she smiled warmly, returning his contented gaze. ‘Oh, Roman, I love your smile,’ she said inside. Roman was saying the same thing in his mind and was about to verbalize how having her back made him feel when another voice penetrated their symbolic embrace.
“Way to go Dad!” said Eric in reference to the pancake flipping, as he quietly entered the kitchen, unbeknownst to Roman and Marlena.
“Thanks Eric!” Roman said gleefully. Then he became conscious of the fact that his son was staring at Marlena and he scrambled to think of what he should or could do, if anything, to make the situation easier for Marlena and/or the children.
As the young boy stepped further into the room, he noticed the woman and looked her right at her face, studying it for a minute or so. Then, he said, “You….you’re the woman from the pictures that Daddy always shows me, the one he said would live in his heart forever and ever. You’re my….Mommy, the mommy who wasn’t supposed to come back home again. What happened to you? How did you get here and where is Isabella?”
“Yes, where is Isabella? We love her and she was staying here with us lately, where is she?” asked Sami innocently, as she entered the room a few steps behind her brother.
Roman looked over at Marlena and her face bore an odd expression full of mixed emotions. She was touched by what he had told the children and maybe caught a little off guard with the questions, “Doc..are you all right? Do you want to go in the living room and sit down to do this? It’s all up to you, Marlena.”
“No…right here is fine, Roman, thank you.” Patting a chair on either side of her, suggesting they sit down, she said,” Sami, Eric you are right, I am your mother, the one your Daddy thought had died several years ago. I was kept away from you and your Daddy all this time, in a far away place and I finally was able to get away and come back to you. Isabella went to stay somewhere nearby so that I might get to see you a lot for awhile. I was hoping we could talk, and play and get to know each other again, a little bit at a time. How does that sound to you?”
The adorable blond-haired blue eyed twins looked at each other, then at their father, who sent the nonverbal signal that it was up to them to decide exactly what came next. Then Sami said, “I guess that would be okay. Do you know how to play Twister? It’s an old fashioned game, but sometimes we play it with Isabella and Daddy, maybe we could play it with Isabella and Daddy, maybe we could play it with you too. We always laugh when we play it because Daddy always does something silly, right Eric?”
Eric giggled slightly, “Yep…that’s my dad, always doing something to make us laugh!”
Marlena smiled broadly in remembrance of his playful nature with her. She looked over at him and it seemed that he was remembering too, from the look on his face. It often showed itself when they were in the early beginnings of a romantic evening, before lovemaking began in earnest. “I’d love to play Twister, it sounds like fun and I think I’ve played it a time or two in the past.”
Roman piped up too, “Sounds like a great idea, should we eat first and then play a little later?”
All three of the others said, “Let’s eat first!” with great enthusiasm and it made *him* laugh. ‘Well, maybe we’re on our way already,’ Roman said quietly to himself, as he went back to making and flipping the pancakes.
As he watched the pancake fly up into the air and go through several revolutions, his mind flashed briefly to other mornings like this, recent ones that included Isabella and he suddenly felt a longing for her. Next, he was wondering how she was doing, if she was thinking about him, where she had spent the night. He wanted to find her…and tell her….what? A sarcastic voice of realism confronted him, ‘What can you possibly tell her, Roman… that will make this easier, that will take away her fears, that will assure her of your love? Face it, there is nothing you can do or say that will help her right now, so focus on the kids and enjoy the fact that they’re getting their mother back. Enjoy how happy it makes Marlena to be with them again. The rest will have to wait.’ He redoubled his efforts to focus on the moment at hand and turned back toward the hungry minions, asking with that same contented smile, “Now, who wants a pancake hot off the griddle?”
Roman sat back in the arm chair watching Marlena and the twins beginning to bond. It was a wonderful sight for sore eyes. There had been so many times over the years when he wished he could hear the golden sound of her laughter, or see her dazzling smile just one more time. To be honest, he would have traded his soul for either one on any number of the long lonely nights without her during those first two years. Now, here she was alive and well, playing with their children again. It was a glorious feeling that he couldn’t really describe and yet…. there was Isabella. He loved her deeply, completely and he had been so happy the past few months in anticipation of marrying her. It was truly an impossible situation, loving two women.
‘Love… I do love Marlena,’ he admitted to himself, not just because she’s the mother to my children. My love for her was the most important thing in my life, she was my whole world when we were together.’ Roman could feel something changing in that special part of his heart he had closed off, it was a place where he preserved his deep and abiding love for her and it was beginning to open up already and that scared him. After all, it had been five years since he thought she died and he had grieved for her and let her go, he thought. However, the feelings of love and desire he had kept hidden inside for as long as he held out some dim hope of finding Marlena alive somewhere, were there in his heart and they wanted to be acknowledged again. Gazing over at her, the sun shining through the window casting soft highlights in her silky tresses, he spoke to her inside his mind, ‘Oh… Doc… what am I gonna do? I don’t know how to handle this one, I wish I could ask you for advice..but I don’t think that’s such a good idea..it’s just that you always did know what to do in these kinds of situations. Oh God… I still love her… but… I love Isabella too. Tell me, God.. how can I ever choose between them?’
Lost in his contemplation, Roman did not hear the plans being made nearby and they were on top of him before he had a chance to defend himself. Within a few seconds, he was on the living room floor of the Brady household being tickled unmercifully by three Tickle Monsters. The four of them were giggling so hard by the time the playful period was over, they all had tears in their eyes and their stomach muscles ached. It was great fun and much needed by all.
As the kids were scrambling toward the kitchen, afraid their daddy was going to get up and run after them, there was one of those defining moments. Marlena was lying next to Roman still chuckling, their bodies were only inches apart. It was like so many other simple moments from the past and yet it was brand new. Their eyes met, no words were exchanged, but the message was clear all the same, ‘I want you,’ they said. Roman leaned ever so slightly closer, his lips hovering less than an inch from Marlena’s. She closed her eyes and there was no turning back. Their lips met, the taste was sweet and a flood of memories poured over their hearts in that moment of contact. She tilted her head back slightly and he reached for her face to position his mouth over hers, his tongue slipped effortlessly through her lips and lingered there, gently caressing her tongue. She responded with a soft moan of desire, a flame was ignited inside her and threatened to become a roaring fire. “Oh, Roman.. you taste so good to me,” she whispered passionately.
The kissing continued as hands began to rove all over arms, shoulders and backs and desire was rising rapidly, beginning to conquer rational thought. Then they heard through the kitchen door, “Daddy… I think we’re late for practice!” and the moment was over. Roman sighed heavily as he disengaged, but didn’t put words to his thoughts, which were muddled anyway.
He helped her stand up, staring into her smoldering eyes, it was clear she wanted him very much and it suddenly made him nervous. Uncertain of himself, Roman backpeddled. “I’m sorry about that, I guess I was just… caught up in the moment. I…uh..”
Marlena cut him off, “Don’t do that, Roman. Please don’t apologize, we both wanted that kiss, don’t lie to yourself about it.”
He was instantly somewhat defensive as his gaze fell upon a picture of Isabella, “I’m not saying that I didn’t…Oh, I don’t know what I’m saying, Marlena.” Changing the subject quickly, he avoided making eye contact, started toward the kitchen door and said, “Look, we’ll have to talk later, I gotta get the kids to ball practice.”
She thought to disagree, but realized it was fruitless for the moment. Their little intimate exchange had obviously threatened him somehow. Marlena reasoned that it scared him to feel something for her so quickly and then act on it as well. “Allright, Roman, but I want you to know that it was..wonderful to kiss you that way. It brought back some special memories for me,” she said, smiling warmly at the man she loved in the same way she did when those memories were being made.
Roman was touched by her comments; he reached up to brush her left cheek with the bent fingers of his right hand and admitted the truth to her, “It felt…good for me too, Doc. I missed your kisses and I almost forgot what it was like.” Without another word, he turned back toward the kitchen where two sets of eyes stared questioningly at them. Then Eric said, “Isabella promised us she would be at practice, can we go pick her up and ride to the ballpark together? I miss her already.”
“Yea, can we Dad, please?” agreed Sami with enthusiasm.
Roman immediately looked to Marlena to gauge her reaction. She smiled sweetly at the children and though it was bound to be awkward, she said, “That’s a great idea, let’s do that.” Her eyes gave her away, Roman saw the slightly hidden jealousy, but the kids were blessedly oblivious to it and to their father’s discomfort about the situation as well.
Roman smiled weakly and said hesitantly, “Okay, I’ll give her a call and make the arrangements, that is… if you’re sure, Doc…” he said, waiting for her to tell him what she really wanted.
She returned his weak smile, saying, “I’m sure, Roman.” Then the smile widened, for the kids benefit and she added more positively, as she took a step toward the twins, “Now, let’s get a move on, the kids said they we were running late.”
Taking her hand in his, he guided her through the kitchen and toward the back door, saying, “Allright then, you go on out to the car with the kids and I’ll call Izzy.” He winced slightly and stopped, feeling strange about using his endearing nickname for another woman in front of Marlena. He corrected himself and finished the thought, ” I…mean Isabella, and then we’ll be on our way.”
She recognized the change for what it was; they were still feeling each other out and Roman was trying so hard not to do or say anything that he thought might upset her. Squeezing his hand briefly, she reassured him, “Roman.. really it’s okay. You can say Izzy B.. if that’s what you call her,” she said, hoping to set him at ease a little bit.
An embarrassed smile crossed his face as he replied, “Oh.. okay, Marlena. I just…I want to make this as easy as possible for you, you know. I don’t want to..hurt you, but..she’s been.. a big part of our lives for awhile now and..” He stopped again, wishing he hadn’t started the sentence.
Marlena filled the gap, “I understand that, really I do, I don’t expect you to just…drop all contact with her, Roman. I just… want you to.. find some room for me.”
He sighed and spoke to her with passion, “Oh, Doc… there will always be room for you. You’re so important to me, you know that and I am so glad you’ve come back home. The kids need you, I need you. It’s just gonna take some time to adjust to all the changes, that’s all.”
“Yes it is and until then, there are going to be some awkward moments. You don’t have to apologize for caring about her or thinking about her, Roman. I expected that you might have moved on; it was five years honey. I really don’t resent that at all.”
He didn’t know why it happened, he couldn’t seem to control his frustration about the situation and he blurted out his conclusions. He voiced her unspoken thoughts, “But… say it, Marlena. You wish I would have waited, you wish I could just let her go and stay with you because you’re still my wife, don’t you, Doc?”
His tone was laced with slightly hidden anger and it hurt her feelings, exactly what he had been trying so hard to avoid. She turned away from him without saying anything, hiding the tears that were forming swiftly behind her uncertain eyes.
Roman regretted saying it as soon as the words left his mouth, recognizing that he had hurt her. “Oh, Marlena… I’m sorry, that was… out of line, it wasn’t fair to put you in that position. I’m really sorry I said that. Can you please forgive me?” he asked taking her tenderly in his strong arms.
She sighed, feeling pleased by how considerate he was trying to be, “Roman… you know I will. I know that this is very rough on you, that you feel torn between us and you’re trying so hard not to hurt me. I told you before that I don’t want you to feel guilty for having fallen in love again and I meant it.”
The frustration seemed to come out of nowhere, flaring swiftly and he confronted her with the reality of their situation. Shaking his head, he said exasperatedly, “Come on, Doc! How can I not feel that way.. when I know that every time I say her name it reminds you that I was with her while you were gone, that I’m.. in love with her, that we were becoming a family, that I was about to marry her when you came back! How can you honestly stand there and tell me that it doesn’t bother you, that it doesn’t hurt you, that you don’t.. resent it!”
She didn’t want to have this conversation yet, if ever, but he had initiated it and she couldn’t help but respond truthfully, “All right.. all right, if you must know! Yes, Roman.. I wish you’d waited, yes it hurts me, yes I feel jealous of her.. yes I resent it!” She had raised her voice too, her growing sense of exasperation matching his. Their wounded eyes met briefly and then she finished with an angry query, “There, does that answer your questions, Roman? Does that make you feel better, well…does it?” She couldn’t look at him any longer and turned herself away from him as the tears that beckoned started to slip silently out of the corners of her eyes.
Roman was hurting as much as she was and he didn’t know what to do or say next, so he followed his instincts and held her in silence for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was shaky, filled with emotion as he apologized, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Doc! I didn’t mean to make you cry, it’s just that you keep saying you understand and I know you don’t, how could you? Oh…. I’m just so..damn confused and I don’t know what to do about it, Doc!” Tears of empathy filled his eyes and he fought to keep them from falling.
Seeing the anguish in his eyes and hearing his pain expressed so plainly made her empathize with his dilemma and she pulled him back into her arms and held him. Hoping to provide support, she said, “I’m sorry too, Roman. I’m sorry for how hard this is on you, I love you so much!”
“I… I..love you too, Doc!” he cried anxiously, taking comfort in her warm embrace and soft soothing tone of voice. No matter what the future held, he was overjoyed to have her back, to bask in her loving presence again.
As Roman watched Marlena head out to the car, he stood there realizing that he had no idea where Isabella was and that was so strange to him. Just yesterday they were talking on the phone quite frequently and he knew where she was most of the time. Now he wanted to call her about something simple like the kids’ softball practice and he couldn’t. ‘Oh, Izzy B… what are we gonna do? I love you.’ He took a deep breath and pushed down the pain, it wouldn’t do any good to dwell on it now. “So, where would you go…Jack and Jennifer’s place, that has to be it!” he said suddenly, feeling pleased with himself. He dialed the number and thought about how awkward it was going to feel when only a few hours ago talking to her was the most natural, most comfortable feeling in the world to him.
“Hello?” answered a youthful voice.
“Uh.. hi, Jen….it’s me, Roman. Is..uh, is Isabella there by any chance, I need to talk to her.”
There was a pause and then, “Yes, she’s here, Roman, and I’m sure she wants to talk to you, but you should know that she’s still really upset about what happened last night.” Another pause to let the message settle, then she added more positively, “Oh, and by the way, say hello to Marlena for me, I’m so happy to hear that she’s alive and well. I can’t wait to see her.”
“I know she’s upset, so am I, it’s pretty..confusing for all of us. Thanks for saying that about Marlena, I’m sure she’ll be glad to see you later.” Not wanting to discuss his predicament any further, he went back to the intent of his call, “So, could I speak to Isabella now?”
“Sure, hold on one minute while I get her for you.” Jennifer went out in the living room area where she found her guest staring blankly out the window of the highrise apartment she and Jack lived in. “Isabella, Roman’s on the phone for you.”
The woman turned instantly toward her friend, and said with excitement in her voice, “He is? I was hoping he’d call this morning. Where can I take it?” she asked, her heart filled with anticipation.
“There’s a phone in your room, why don’t you go on back, you can talk in private there.” She watched as her friend left the room; clearly she was thrilled he had called, but Jennifer was worried. ‘Oh, boy… that situation is going to be very difficult and painful for all of them. Please God, help them all through this,” she prayed.
Roman wondered what he should say to her, if he should ask how she was really doing…. and so many other things. Before he knew it, he heard her sweet voice, “Good morning Roman, I’m so glad you called. I missed you last night.”
Just hearing her voice filled with love and longing made his dilemma all the worse, as the love he felt for her flared swiftly. “I missed you too, Izzy B, I was so…lonely. I know we can’t all be in the same house, but I need you so much right now. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry the party was ruined, I’m so..sorry!” he cried passionately.
She hated the pain he was in as much as the fear she felt, “Roman, don’t do that, it’s not your fault. I know you didn’t have any choice and that’s why I tried to make it as easy as possible for you by leaving last night. Don’t blame yourself. Marlena and your children deserve to be together and we both have to live with what that means.. for us.”
He felt torn in two and it hurt so much. “What about us, Isabella? Aren’t we important too, don’t our feelings for each other count for anything? I love you… I wanted to marry you… you were wearing my ring, Izzy B… Oh, Izzy what are we gonna do?” he asked her, feeling suddenly desperate for her touch and a solution to the problem.
“Yes, they count for something, Roman. Hearing you say that with such passion means more than I can even begin to tell you, but we have to face this head on. Roman, your..wife has returned and at some point you…have to decide what that means, for you, for us. You have to make a choice between resuming your life with her or ending it and starting a new life with me, you can’t have us both.”
Being smacked in the face with it was excruciatingly painful. How could he make a choice like that, how could he ever hurt one of them by telling them he had chosen the other woman? Tears filled his eyes and he told her what he was feeling, “Oh, Isabella…. I don’t want to face it yet! I just want to come over there and hold you in my arms, I want to shut out the whole world, so it’s just you and me.. and nothing else. I love you so.. much!”
“Oh, Roman.. I love you so much too, and I want nothing more than for you to hold me and make love to me the way you do, but we can’t wish this situation away. I know it’s so hard for you to accept and believe me, it is for me too. But, it can’t be the same for us until you’ve made a decision about your future.”
Forcing himself to calm down and control his emotions, he agreed with her, “Okay… I know you’re right. But, we can’t solve the problem now, so I’ll tell you why I called. The kids are ready for ball practice and they said you promised to go with them today, so I thought I would come by and pick you up. Are you.. up to coming with us?” He hesitated momentarily before adding, “Marlena will be there too.”
She sighed wearily, ‘So this is how it begins,’ she thought. Both of us at the kids’ practices, then the games too… Oh, brother, I don’t think I’m ready for this. To Roman, she said only, “Sure, Roman come on by, I did promise them and I don’t like to break my promises.”
His face lit up, at least he could be near her, “Great, we’re on our way, see you soon, Izzy. I love you.” As he finished that last sentence, Roman heard a noise behind him and knew instantly who it was. Marlena had come in to check on his progress, no doubt; the kids were probably getting restless while waiting in the car. She obviously overheard him profess his love to the other woman. He hadn’t wanted her to be hurt so quickly and was therefore hesitant to face her, not wishing to see the pain those words caused her.
“And, I love you. Bye, Roman,” replied Isabella, feeling hopeful about her chances to win the ultimate battle for the man’s heart.
“Bye Isabella.” When he hung up, he just stood there with his back turned, wondering what he should say to Marlena, the other woman to whom he had professed his undying love on countless occasions.
Marlena cleared her throat and Roman knew he had to respond, turning slowly, preparing himself for a difficult interchange. “Uh, hi.. Doc, I didn’t hear you come in. I.. uh guess you heard me just now.”
“Yes, I did,” she said, quietly replying to his unspoken meaning. The pain of hearing him say those words to another woman was easily readable in her eyes, but she didn’t voice it. What would be the point? Ignoring the issue entirely, she asked, “So, I guess you reached Isabella and we need to go by and get her, wherever she’s staying.”
“Uh…. yea, I did. She’s at Jack and Jennifer’s place getting ready right now. Let’s go,” he finished as he headed out the door, feeling secretly glad they didn’t directly discuss his expression of love for Isabella. He hated to see the wounded look in Marlena’s eyes, but he just wasn’t ready to confront it all, not yet.
She sighed tiredly, herself, saying, “Yes, let’s go.”
In fifteen minutes, they were waiting for Isabella to come down. Roman had punched the intercom button in the entrance area to the penthouses and then returned to the car to wait. In two more minutes, Isabella appeared wearing her blue jeans, t-shirt and ballcap and Roman smiled warmly and greeted her politely, as if she were a casual friend. Sensing the tension, the kids didn’t make a move.
As she prepared to climb into the vehicle, Roman stepped aside so Marlena could see out the window and said, “Oh I..uh almost forgot. Marlena, this is Isabella Toscano. Isabella, meet Marlena Evans.” As Marlena stepped out of the vehicle, the two ladies sized each other up subtly. Roman didn’t miss it and he suddenly felt like a piece of property to be fought over and that was a very odd sensation for a man like Roman Brady to experience. Breaking the tension, he said, “So, shall we get in? The kids are going to be really late if we don’t get a move on.”
“Yes, we should, my children are the most important thing in the world to me and I don’t want to disappoint them by being late to practice,” said Marlena, boldly staking her claim.
Isabella responded in kind, “Yes, they’re beautiful children, Roman has done such a wonderful job of raising them, and I love them very much. We’ve all spent a lot of time together, right Roman?”
Roman looked nervously back and forth between them, feeling trapped, afraid to say the wrong thing. He stammered his response, “Uh…yea.. we have, and they love you too, Isabella. But.. they.. uh, they need their mother also. Isn’t it great they can get twice as much love?” he asked, hoping he hadn’t alienated either one of them. He quickly went around to the driver’s seat and sat down, breathing a sigh of relief to be doing the driving, if only to have the excuse of needing to keep his eye on the road.
Isabella decided not to delay any longer and got in the back seat and the kids embraced her vigorously. “Oh Isabella, we’re so glad you could come with us,” said Sami excitedly.
“Yeah, practice just isn’t the same without you there,” Eric said enthusiastically while still holding her close. He had come to love Isabella as a mother over the past year. So had Sami, who snuggled up close on the other side of her.
Marlena looked on with increasing envy and jealousy, though she labored to keep those emotions under control, reminding herself there was nothing wrong with the closeness that had developed between her children and Isabella, and it was nothing she should be angry about. ‘Roman thought you were dead Marlena, it was five years…don’t forget that or lose sight of what’s most important here. The children’s needs must take priority over everything else, including your need to be the most important woman in their lives and your need to be first in Roman’s heart. All of that has to take a back seat to their feelings right now.’
In another ten minutes, they arrived at the ballpark for practice. Once they were safely parked, the kids scrambled out of the car and rushed off toward the diamond, trusting their father to bring all the necessary gear, except, of course, for their gloves. Roman taught them to carry their ballgloves with them wherever they went and they did so, all season long. The twins brought them to the store and the library, almost even to church, but their father convinced them it was okay to leave them in the car while they attended services. He chuckled as he thought about their dedication and watched them run off toward the field. Isabella volunteered to follow them while Roman and Marlena gathered the equipment. “I’ll just.. go on ahead, if that’s all right with you,” she said hesitantly, acknowledging that her role with the children was different now that their mother was back.
Marlena replied more pleasantly this time, “Yes, that’s fine, we’ll meet you over there. Thank you.”
“Sure, see in a few minutes, then.” Without any further discussion, Isabella jogged off in the direction of the baseball diamond.
There was another awkward silence between the remaining two as they watched her catch up with their twins. Marlena broke the tension this time by saying, “She’s… lovely, Roman.. and the twins obviously love her very much. I’m… sorry about all of this. I know it must be.. so hard for you today, to be here with both of us.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat; she was right, it was very painful to be with them both. And because it was so awkward, he was not really with either one of them, not the way they wanted him to be. That realization caused great anguish inside his heart. No matter what he did or didn’t do from here on out, they would both be hurting, until he made his choice. And then when he did, one of them would be devastated. It was truly an impossible situation and he wished there was some way he could be delivered from his plight, that someone would make the decision for him and find a way to make both women happy.
Knowing that wouldn’t happen, tears began to form in his eyes for all that lay ahead. All he said to Marlena, however was, “Yea… it is.” Then he grabbed the bag of bats and balls and stepped away from the car, signaling that he didn’t want to talk any further; he was ready to move on and focus all of his attention on the activity at hand.
Marlena waited a moment longer before following behind him. Seeing the tears in his eyes and the tension in the muscles of his face made her realize all the more just how difficult it was going to get for all of them and she sighed with that recognition. With tears of empathy in her own eyes, she said while watching him walk away, “Oh, Roman.. I’m sorry for how painful this is for you. I wish I could think of a way to make it easier, but the only way to do that would be to let you go. And, I can’t do that, I won’t do that! I love you with all my heart, Roman Brady, and I am going to fight for you. We always said our love was meant to last forever and I am going to remind you of exactly how wonderful we were together, how amazing and incredible the bond of love was between us. If I can do that, I know you will choose me.”
Roman was glad to have the kids and softball practice to focus on at the moment, otherwise all he could think of was the situation that was unexpectedly thrust upon him with the two women in his life. Two women who loved him very much, two women whom he loved.. very much. There was no solution in sight and the more he thought about it the more it made his head spin to acknowledge how quickly his life had changed. Literally from one minute to the next during the previous evening everything of which he was sure was made uncertain, and he was well on his way to becoming terminally confused and torn between the two women.
Marlena was his past, his love for her put away in a special saving place, forever. She had literally given a life to him when he was mostly a blank slate; he had been given caring parents and siblings, a warm and loving home filled with three beautiful children, and a job he seemed born to do. She was essentially his whole world and then in the blink of an eye she was taken from him and he felt so alone and afraid, still so unsure of himself, but by some miracle he survived it and went on to find new love with Isabella. He loved her deeply and she was going to be his future. It took him a long time, but he had given his heart away to her and he didn’t know how to get it back, or even if that was what he wanted. However, he realized that he couldn’t deny how happy it made him that Marlena was alive and would now be a part of his life or that he was beginning to feel something for her again.. so quickly. Just admitting the fact of loving both of them made him feel as though he was betraying each of them and it left him emotionally drained and overwhelmed every time his mind told him that he eventually had to choose between them. Roman sighed with exhaustion as he glanced over toward the bleachers where they were standing, trying not to make it appear as though they were looking each other over and laying down the challenge in between staring out at him. It made him feel very uncomfortable to accept what was happening between them, so he looked away swiftly each time he made eye contact with either one of them.
Therefore, he tried to focus on teaching the kids the fundamentals of the game, throwing, catching, hitting, running the bases, backing each other up in case of a bad throw or a missed catch. He loved teaching his own kids and the others too; they were all so eager to learn and they loved the game like he did. It was one of his passions and he generally put all of himself into the role of coaching them and gave his full attention to their practices and games.
This day was different from the rest, as he found his mind wandering every few minutes or so. His muddled thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an exasperated young voice, jarring him back to the task at hand, “Dad… Dad! Come on, throw the ball,” said Eric, wondering where his Dad’s mind was at the moment. He always taught the kids to stay focused, to keep their heads in the game at all times. “Didn’t you teach me to concentrate and keep my mind on the game all the time?”
Roman smiled weakly, “Oh… yea..I did, sorry. I was…just thinking.” Still not completely focused, he pitched the ball and Eric got good wood on it which sent the ball careening straight toward Roman’s head. He saw it at the last possible second and it grazed the corner of his right eye, making a slight gash as he went down to avoid being smacked full in the face.
In seconds there were a dozen kids around him and Marlena and Isabella as well. When they reached his side, he was holding his head which was spinning for completely different reasons now, and trying to sit up. He was totally embarassed to get knocked down by a seven year old’s line drive and when Marlena and Isabella took turns fussing over the cut near his eye, he popped off at them in frustration. He waved them off and stood up. “Stop it would you, it’s nothing! Go..on, go back and sit down, I’m fine now!” he yelled, as he wiped the blood away with the back of his hand. The children and the smattering of other parents were surprised at his outburst and there was dead silence among them. Roman Brady was known as the coach with the most even temper. He never yelled at the kids when they made a mistake, he led by example, and his teams always had the best manners and a winning attitude, whether they won or lost a game.
The second the frustrated words left his mouth he was filled with remorse. He knew that he scared and embarrassed his kids and hurt Marlena and Isabella, who were just trying to help him. Blowing out a long breath, he apologized, “I’m sorry kids… I’m very sorry I yelled everyone, it’s a…strange day. Please forgive me..”
Sami didn’t really understand what was happening and why her father was so upset, but she knew he needed a hug. “We forgive you, Daddy. I love you,” she said in a sweet comforting voice he loved so much, as she squeezed him tight.
Roman sighed and melted into her enthusiastic embrace, then said, “Thank you… squirt…I needed that. I love you too. Now… let’s get back to practice, we’ve got a big game coming up soon.” The group broke up, the kids immediately dismissing the incident, the other parents, still wondering what had prompted Roman to lose his cool.
Before he could get himself ready to pitch again, someone tapped him on the back; it was Isabella and she had a towel in her hand. Holding it out to him, she said, “Roman…I’m sorry…for how..difficult this is for you. Maybe I should go, so you can focus on the kids, instead of me and…Marlena.”
Instinctively, he reached for her arm to ensure she didn’t leave, saying, “No…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you like that and I don’t want you to go, Izzy B. We’ve been coaching the kids together all season. You belong here as much as I do. Please, stay,” he asked.
She sighed with her own frustration, but agreed, “Okay…if that’s what you want. Just.. do me one favor, Roman.” Touching him briefly on the cheek, she finished with, “Please duck a little sooner next time, you scared me half to death just now.”
Chuckling, he nodded and said, “It’s a deal…coach.” Then he used the towel she had given him to dab at the blood again and added, “Thanks for bringing this, these little cuts seem to keep bleeding forever.”
“No, problem….I’ll just go over and help the kids with the batting order and base running… okay?”
Roman smiled fondly at her, it was so enjoyable to have someone who shared his love for the game and was knowledgeable about it. Not comfortable showing much affection in front of Marlena, he simply gazed into her eyes and gently squeezed her hand to show her his love and said, “Sounds good, Izzy.” That was one of the things he loved about her, she really took an interest in the things he loved and she tried to learn about them.
Marlena sat on the bleachers several yards away watching them and she couldn’t deny the depth of the love she saw in that simple exchange. Roman truly loved Isabella and his love for her was fresh and new; she wondered how she was going to compete with that newness. The courtship and engagement period of a solid and passionate relationship was fun and exciting and nearly all-encompassing. How could a love that was from his past hold a candle to that intensity? ‘Oh, Roman… I love you so much and we were like that too, do you remember? I know you do…I know you do! Maybe, I just need to find some ways to remind you.’
As the practice continued she found herself becoming increasingly concerned about her potential to win Roman’s heart; he and Isabella worked very well together and the twins obviously adored the woman. Marlena hated to admit it to herself, but the four of them looked like a family. Though it wasn’t anyone’s fault, she found herself resenting that reality. It was her family and she desperately wanted it back. She silently vowed to do anything within reason to reclaim the three people she loved most in all the world.
As she sat watching the four of them laughing about something that Roman said, Marlena spoke internally of her intentions, as if the woman was sitting in front of her, “I’m sorry that you are going to be hurt Isabella, I really am; you didn’t do anything wrong and I am grateful that you were here for them while I was gone. But I’m back now and Roman and the twins are mine. Roman is still my husband and the twins are my flesh and blood and we WILL be a family again…soon, very soon.”
Lost in thought, she didn’t hear the sounds of people approaching and it took a nudge on the arm to capture her attention, then a familiar voice followed. “Marlena…did you hear me?” Roman asked, wondering where her attention was wandering, yet recognizing the contemplative expression from his own similar experiences for the day.
She startled and her response was slow in coming, “Uh…no, I’m sorry, Roman, I was just…”
Marlena was interupted but the next word was exactly the one she had planned to use. “Thinking… yea..there’s alot of that going around these days,” Roman said with a sweet teasing smile on his face.
She smiled in return and said, “Yes, I hear it’s quite contagious actually, and sometimes the more of it you do, the more complicated everything seems to get. It’s very strange, isn’t it?” she asked.
He nodded and agreed, “Yes.. it is, Doc.” Not wanting to go any further in that direction at the moment, he changed the subject. Gesturing to Isabella and the twins, he said, “The kids want us all to go to the Hot Dog Shack for lunch…what do you think, Marlena?”
Knowing that this was going to happen periodically while everyone made the transition, she sighed quietly, then put on a pleasant smile and said with slightly subdued enthusiasm, “Sure, Roman I’d like that, let’s go.” Roman took her hand and pulled her to a standing position and then the three of them stood there as an awkward silence enveloped them…again.
This time, the kids took the cue and ended it quite nicely, “Well, what are we waiting for?” said Eric, pulling on his father’s hand.
“Yea…. I’m starving!” agreed Sami. “I could eat three hot dogs with everything!”
“Oh, my!” exclaimed Marlena, coming out of her funk. “Can you really eat three hot dogs, Sami?” she asked incredulously, realizing that her babies were far from just that. “I believe I’d like to see that.”
“I can eat at least that much!” said Eric, wanting to get in on the attention Sami was receiving from their mother. Everything was so exciting for the kids, it was like having two mothers. Roman watched as the kids took their mother’s hands and walked off toward the car together, wishing there was some miracle that would make it possible for him to love both women, but at the same time realizing that was all it was…wishful thinking. The kids could love them both, but he had to choose.
This time it was Isabella who stood quietly watching the scene unfold, knowing that she had to step back and let Marlena reclaim her children, that was the right thing to do. But, Roman was a totally different story. He was a grown man who knew his own mind and he had a choice to make. Isabella wasn’t going to allow Marlena to just come in and take him away from her. No… she wasn’t about to make it so easy where he was concerned. Isabella loved him with all of her heart and she was bound and determined to fight for him, just as she could see in the other woman’s eyes that Marlena was prepared to do. It was clear from the challenging looks that had passed between them this very morning that there was going to be a hard fought battle between the two women to win the heart of one Roman Augustus Brady and it wasn’t going to be pretty.
Five was such an odd number… the booths at the restaurant were meant for four, cars were really meant for four… Five was difficult for so many reasons, but mostly because this time it meant he was with both of the women who were now so obviously vying for his affections. ‘Why did I go along with this?’ Roman was asking himself, as they squeezed into the booth at the Hot Dog Shack, the little place near the baseball diamonds that the kids loved so much. Marlena was on one side with the kids and he was on the other with Isabella, and it was awkward, painfully awkward. Thankfully, the kids were blissfully unaware of the tension that existed between the adults in their company, but Roman was quickly becoming so uncomfortable that he wished he could just disappear into the woodwork.
‘Never again!’ he thought. ‘I’m not going anywhere with both of them again; they keep staring at me and then at each other..and then back at me.. I feel like a piece of meat.’ For some reason he didn’t quite understand, that thought made him laugh, as he recalled that it was similar to what women usually complained about feeling, and the two women in his presence couldn’t figure out why he was laughing. Roman couldn’t tell them what he was thinking and that made him laugh even harder. He decided that he was just slap happy because he hadn’t gotten enough sleep, so he abruptly stood up and said, “I’m going to go outside for a minute or two and get some fresh air. I hope you guys don’t mind,” he said, still smiling by the time he spoke to them. As he walked away from the area where they were sitting, he could almost feel four pairs of eyes following him, their owners silently asking what in the world he thought was so funny. “Man.. am I glad to get out of there,” he said to himself, quietly, as he stepped out into the early afternoon sun of a hot summer’s day.
“Isabella, why was Daddy laughing?” asked Sami, feeling puzzled by her father’s behavior. He was acting so differently ever since early that morning, and she was confused by it, but completely innocent and unaware of the entire situation developing between the three adults.
Eric’s face bore the same bewildered expression as Sami’s and he voiced it, “Yea.. Daddy’s been acting weird all day, getting hit by that ball…and everything. I don’t understand why.”
Isabella and Marlena were looking at each other, still trying to figure out this specific incident, chalking it up in general to the situation between himself and the two of them. Although she understood why her children turned to Isabella for the answer to their questions, it hurt Marlena, nonetheless.
“I don’t know…sweethearts, but I think maybe he’s pretty tired today and sometimes people have a hard time concentrating and they get a little silly when they’re tired,” Isabella finally responded, hoping that would satisfy both Sami and Eric.
Marlena nodded, thinking that was as good an explanation as any for his behavior. Clearly, Roman was distressed and was probably thinking that it was a very bad idea for the five of them to go somewhere together. As she watched for Sami’s reaction and Eric’s too Marlena said, “I think Isabella is probably right, I’m just going to go check on him, I’ll be back in a minute.” Before Isabella could effectively protest, Marlena was out of the booth and halfway to the door.
Roman stood with one foot up on the picnic table to the right of the restaurant, staring blankly toward the baseball fields across the road from him. He wasn’t laughing anymore, in fact he had a pained expression on his face. Marlena approached him from the side, putting a hand on his back. “Are you all right, Roman?” she asked quietly, knowing he wasn’t and most likely wouldn’t be for quite some time, None of them would, not until there was some resolution.
He shrugged and said, “Yea, I’m fine, Doc. I’m sorry about that, it just struck me funny…being here with both of you…all of us….making nice…you two looking at me, wondering what I’m thinking and staring back and forth at each other.” Roman paused briefly and shared his conclusion, “I guess it was a pretty bad idea…all of us coming here together.”
Hearing the discouragement in his voice, she tried to make him feel better about it and remind him of why he had agreed for all of them to go. “No…it wasn’t, it’s okay.. the kids are enjoying themselves. Let’s just try to focus on them and it will be allright, Roman.”
Roman loved that quality in her, the ability to see things positively, to put a different spin on any situation. Shaking his head in amazement, he said sadly, “Oh, Doc… I wish I could… forget for just five minutes, but I can’t. I hate this… I hate that both of you are prepared to…fight for me.. I don’t want anybody fighting over me and I don’t want to hurt either of you… but there’s no way out of it, Marlena..” With moisture in his eyes, he told her the most upsetting aspect of his contemplation, “And the truth is.. you’re both hurting already because you each want me to be able to just choose you without question.. and I… can’t… I just can’t!”
Roman was so upset and she wanted to make it easier for him, but there wasn’t any way to do that except to back down and that wasn’t really the answer either. She believed that whether she “fought” for him or not, his powerful feelings of love for her, the ones that he had been holding in a place deep inside were being reawakened and he had to deal with what that meant for him in the present and for the future. Rubbing his back slightly to comfort him, she said softly, “Oh, honey.. I’m so sorry… I know that this is very hard for you…and that you don’t want to hurt either of us, but like you said, there’s no way to avoid it. But you also need to try to remember that it isn’t your fault…Roman. This is truly an impossible situation and you’ve done nothing wrong, honey… no matter who you choose, you haven’t done anything wrong.. okay?”
He nodded and sighed wearily.. “Okay.. thanks.. Doc, thank you for reminding me of that.. I just feel like I have… somehow, that it’s… wrong for me to have.. feelings for both of you at the same time.”
She didn’t want him being so rough on himself, “Oh…Roman… don’t do that to yourself, it’s hard enough without you blaming yourself this way. There is no way you could have known I was still alive and therefore you allowed yourself to grieve for me and move on, to find new love and there is nothing wrong with that. And now that I’m back it’s only natural that your feelings for me would begin to…resurface and so you’re torn between Isabella and me. No matter what I said before, I understand that fact. I can’t say it isn’t painful for me, but I don’t blame you, Roman, I really don’t. Please..don’t blame yourself for feeling ties to both of us.”
“Okay… I’ll try… I’m sorry about getting so…emotional on you. I just never dreamed I would.. face something like this.” He turned to her and laughed and then said sarcastically, “You want to hear something funny… Doc? A couple of weeks ago I had this discussion with some of the guys around the Cop Shop and I came on real strong. I said that it wasn’t really possible to love two people at the same time. Ha.. I guess I was wrong, huh?” he asked with a strange sad smile on his face.
She nodded and teased him a little to help him move out of his sadness and frustration about the situation he faced, “Well… it’s been known to happen upon occasion…your being wrong, I mean..”
He chuckled at that comment, it was like something she would have said way back when and it felt surprisingly good. “Well, maybe… a couple of times I guess.” He paused for a moment and smiled wistfully, remembering how they had such a fun teasing banter sometimes; he forgot how much he’d missed that. As his mind returned to the present, he said, “Allright, I think I’ve felt bad about this scenario for long enough right now.” Changing the subject completely, Roman asked, “What do you say we get back in there and see how many hot dogs those two little ballplayers of ours have polished off so far.”
Marlena was pleased to hear him snapping out of the dark mood, and replied cheerfully, “I say yes and I can’t wait to eat a few myself.”
“Ah..a woman after my own heart..” he said with a much more pleasant smile, as he took her hand and guided them back toward the restaurant, this time oblivious to the potential double interpretation of his own statement.
She smiled in response and nodded, but inside her mind she said, ‘You’ve got that one right, my love. I *am* after your heart and with a little help from God and Lady Luck, I think I might just have it back one of these days.’
Isabella tried to focus completely on the children, but her attention wandered, as did her gaze, to the action happening right outside the window. She watched the interaction between Roman and his.. *wife* very closely. It was obvious that Roman was upset about his predicament and that Marlena was trying to comfort him, to make him feel better about it. Isabella was itching to know exactly what was being said, wondering if the other couple was growing closer by the minute. Marlena was rubbing his back… just the way he liked it and she could see from his reaction that Marlena had perfect timing with her touch. The tension seemed to fade as they talked and by the end of the conversation he was smiling, and then his attention wandered too. Was he remembering his past with Marlena? Is he going to fall in love with her all over again? Am I going to be the one left behind? She couldn’t help but ask all those questions as she watched them together.
Still lost in anxious thought, she didn’t hear them return to the booth and it wasn’t until Roman spoke that she realized it. “Isabella, did you hear me?” he was asking.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Roman what did you say?” she asked, embarrassed.
“Just that Marlena and I are going to go stand in line and get our food, do you need anything else? Are the kids okay here?”
“Oh…yes.. we’re all set for food; they’ve eaten enough and we’re just enjoying the jukebox. Oh, Eric did say they wanted to play a few more songs if that’s okay with you.”
Roman smiled warmly; that was one of his favorite parts about coming to this little place too, “Sure…give them another dollar and let them go at it,” he said, handing the bill to her. Their fingers touched as the money was exchanged and the electricity was there for both of them; he saw desire in her eyes and felt it himself, but couldn’t acknowledge it in this setting. For his own protection, he looked away before she even responded to his statement.
Isabella didn’t miss that fact at all and her voice had a hint of her true reaction, though she was fairly good at hiding her feelings about the situation, so far. “Great, thank you Roman, we’ll see you in a minute then.”
He nodded, “Yea.. in a minute,” he said, stepping away, realizing from her expression that she had been watching him out the window. She was definitely jealous of the time he had just spent with Marlena, the time Marlena had with him ever since last night when he and Isabella were supposed to be celebrating their engagement. ‘Oh, Izzy…I do still love you!’ He wanted to tell her that to reassure her, but he simply couldn’t..not here, not now.
She watched him walk away…again, wishing she could get a minute alone with him to tell him how she was feeling, to find out exactly what he was thinking and feeling too. ‘Oh, Roman… I’m not going to just let her take you away from me. I’m here too… and I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes. I felt it in your touch just now and I won’t just let you go, not without a good fight, not unless you send me away.’
As they stood in line waiting for their hot dogs, Marlena glanced back toward Isabella, whose gaze met hers for only a second before they both looked away again. The woman was seething with jealousy, that was obvious to Marlena’s trained eyes, but she was covering fairly well thus far. ‘I wish this didn’t have to be an all out battle for Roman’s heart…but that it is. I want him just as much as you do, Isabella, and I won’t walk away either!’ she vowed silently, wondering when they would have a face to face confrontation in which all the words they were saying within their minds and all the messages that were being exchanged with their eyes, were spoken out loud. ‘Soon, I would guess it will be very soon; we will meet alone and let each other know exactly where we stand.’
Roman was ignoring it on purpose; if he kept watching them, it would make him crazy. He vowed never to take them all to the same place again, at least not purposely. If they were going to fight over him, he was not going to stand there and watch it happening, that was one thing he knew for sure. Roman knew that he had to do everything in his power to keep from putting them in that position, so he decided that he needed to take charge and give them something to go on soon. He had to tell them both something about what he was thinking and feeling; if only he could figure out exactly what that was.
He sighed heavily and asked himself, ‘What do I think, What do I feel? Who do I love more? Who do I want in my future? Those were the questions on the minds of the adults in this odd numbered group. The more he dwelled on it, the more confused Roman felt and he wondered if he would ever be able to make sense of the mixed emotions he was experiencing and all the swirling conflicting thoughts that were floating around in his head.
It was early on Saturday night and there was Roman Brady standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, looking at the scab that was trying to form above his right eye. It was a nasty little cut, and he still felt so embarrassed about how it happened. His concentration was off for the entire practice that morning. “Man.. Roman, you’ve got to do something…you have to have a clear head when you work, you have to find a way to put this away for periods of time, so you can still do your job. So.. what’s it gonna be, Roman? How do you put them out of your mind for a little while? Right.. Roman.. put Marlena and Isabella out of your mind… sure no problem,” he said sarcastically as he chuckled to look at his confused countenance staring back at him.
Marlena was coming down the hallway and overheard him say a couple things out loud and she empathized with him, but wasn’t going to make it any easier. She wanted some time with him, now that the kids were asleep. They had asked her to read their stories instead of their father and she was so touched she started to cry in response. Marlena smiled as she saw their happy faces when she said she would do it. They were so accepting of her already, so inviting and that pleased her more than she could say and she appreciated the way Isabella and Roman had handled the situation, backing off so she could establish a relationship very quickly.
After standing outside the door for a minute or two, Marlena spoke to the man she loved, “Roman… are you allright? How’s the cut looking? she asked, guessing he was checking it out.
“Fine.. it’s nothing really, don’t worry about it,” he said, poking his head out from behind the door. Did you need the bathroom, Doc? I’m all through in here, if you do,” he said nervously, having noticed her looking at his bare chest. Roman glanced down toward the tile flooring to avoid seeing the desire in her eyes, the desire she didn’t want to hide from him. Marlena was making it very clear that she wanted him, in every way. She obviously thought of herself as his wife and she would not consider any other alternative, unless told otherwise by Roman himself. He was not any where near making that kind of decision, so he would have to find a way to deal with it or avoid meeting her eyes at times. He was resigned to seeing that same expression on the faces and in the eyes of two women, at the same time.
Grabbing the robe off the counter where he had set it down, Roman quickly pulled it around himself to break up the moment. Still avoiding her gaze, he made an excuse to leave her alone, so he could focus on something other than his love life. “Well, I.. better go check in with the station and see what’s up. The bathroom’s all yours, Doc. Oh, and don’t wait up for me, I might be late.”
Wishing he wouldn’t run from her and from his own feelings for her, she smiled weakly and said, “Sure, I’ll see you later, Roman. By the way the cut doesn’t look too bad. I’m sure nobody will even notice it.”
Roman chuckled… she was a horrible liar. “Thanks, Doc… it looks awful, but thanks for…trying to help. You always did look at the bright side of things.”
She simply nodded and the two of them stood there not knowing what else to say, or do. There was such nervous tension between them most of the time. Marlena was thinking of what it used to be like before she was taken from him; he was often reluctant to leave her, and they would share several long lingering kisses before he left for the Cop Shop, as he often called it. Sometimes, they would end up becoming so aroused that they made some very quick, very heated love. Remembering one such occasion made her long to be with him that way again and she sighed sadly.
Finally, Roman, who had been daydreaming about the same thing, gave her hand a squeeze and said quietly, “Doc.. it’s gonna be okay.. I just gotta go check on things and I’ll be back.” Then he leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek. “I’ll call when I get a feel for what kind of a night it’s gonna be. If it’s slow, then maybe we can.. spend some time together.”
Trying not to sound too desperate or eager, she said, “I’d really like that Roman.” Marlena was smiling brilliantly and he was suddenly transported back in time, to the early weeks of their renewal of marriage. He remembered the sensation of floating on air; every time she smiled at him that way, he felt like he was in heaven. He felt that way for a split second before she added, “I’d like us to…talk some more, if you’re up to it.”
That was all it took to make him feel uncomfortable and he made his move to leave her. ” Yea…sure, if that’s what you want,” he said, just to say it. Internally, he was dreading the idea. He had such mixed emotions and every time he talked about the situation, it seemed he felt more confused instead of less. After tossing the robe on the bed and taking a t-shirt from the dresser, he looked up and said, “But, right now, I really gotta go, Doc.. see you later,” he finished hastily as he turned and headed down the hallway toward the stairs.
Marlena followed him to the stairs and watched him as he threw on the t-shirt he had in his hand, grabbed his leather jacket and rushed out the door without looking back. When he was gone, she sighed heavily and said, “Oh, Roman.. you are remembering our love, just as I am and it scares you to feel something for me again, so soon. But, you can’t run away from those feelings, they’ll follow you, honey.”
Since the kids were sleeping, Marlena started to look around the house, really noticing the changes he had made when it was rebuilt. As she did so, she realized how much he and the children loved Isabella, there were a dozen pictures of her in the house, some with Roman and the kids, some with both kids, some with each child separately, and then a couple with Roman and Isabella. Looking at one of the couple, she spoke out loud, “Well, you have to stop lying to yourself, Marlena. He really does love her, it’s there in his eyes and in his smile.” Putting the picture down, she chastised herself for having that thought, ‘Well, of course he does, he wouldn’t have gotten engaged to her if he didn’t. What did you think… that she was just some kind of substitute and he was going to drop her the second you came waltzing back into town after five years?’ she was asking herself, when she heard a scream. It was Sami, obviously having a nightmare.
“No..no get away, give my Mommy back and get away from my Daddy!” she was screaming loudly as Marlena reached the top of the stairs.
Marlena burst into the room and went straight to the bed to comfort her baby girl. “Oh, sweety.. did you have a bad dream?” she asked quietly, while taking her daughter in her arms for comfort.
Sami was crying and trying to tell her about the dream, and it was hard to understand, but some of it made sense, “Yes.. it was about Daddy… and you… I dreamed that this… mean man took you away again and he hurt Daddy… I was pushing the man so he wouldn’t hurt Daddy again. I was so afraid Mommy!”
“Oh… baby.. don’t worry, that’s not going to happen, nobody will take Mommy away from you and nobody will hurt Daddy.”
“But, Mommy I heard you before when you were in the living room, I heard Daddy say he was going to find out who kept you away from us. Daddy was real mad about it, I could tell.”
How could she deny it, Roman was very upset that she had lost five years of her life and that he and the children had to grieve and live without her. And, he wanted answers about what happened, where she was, and who was behind her disappearance other than the original villain, Orpheus. One other name came to mind, Stefano Dimera, but he was supposedly dead. At last, Marlena said something to Sami, “Yes.. sweety, your Daddy thinks that someone kept me away from you, but he won’t let that happen again, he’s going to have protection around us all the time. Don’t you worry about a thing, okay?” she reassured.
“Okay, Mommy, I’ll try not to worry, but can you please be careful.. all the time? Daddy was so sad sometimes when you weren’t here, before Isabella came. I remember from when I was little; I saw him looking at your pictures sometimes and he would cry real hard. When I asked him about it, he said he was okay, but it was just hard to live without you and it made him sad. Daddy loved you a whole lot and he missed you so much.”
It touched her heart to hear her little girl speak about Roman’s love for her and at the same time it was difficult to picture him grieving so much for the loss of her. She hated that pain and the struggle he faced now, having to choose between two women who loved him, two women whom he loved.
Meanwhile, Roman was making the way down the hallway at the Cop Shop to his office, Commander Roman Brady it said on the door. ‘Who would have believed that one?’ he asked, somewhat absently in his mind as he turned the handle and entered. Once inside, he was surprised to see that balloons and banners of congratulations and best wishes for his upcoming nuptials were plastered all over the office.
Turning around in a circle, he was amazed at what they had done for him, but he felt a stab of pain as he thought about how all of that was put on hold for now and he dreaded having to explain it, though he knew it was inevitable.
“Well, hello Commander, it’s good to see you tonight said the young uniformed officer who poked his head in. “Congratulations, sir!” he added with an enthusiastic smile. The smile faded when he noticed that he was not seeing the same excitement in the other man’s face, “Sir.. did I do or say something wrong because if I did…”
Roman cut him off gently by raising a weary hand in the air, saying, “No.. Jacobs..you didn’t say anything wrong.” Reluctantly, he added with only a hint of the pain he was feeling, It’s just… well those plans are on hold… indefinitely.” Glancing once more at the decorations, he said quietly, “I do appreciate the thought though.”
The officer’s face fell and he felt awful about it, “I’m sorry sir, we..didn’t know.”
“That’s allright, you couldn’t have known, it happened so fast, and I can hardly understand it myself. Listen… could you and the guys get in here and take it all down while I go take a quick tour of the station house?”
Sensing the man’s suffering, he agreed immediately, “Yes sir, I’ll get on it right away sir!”
Thanks, Jacobs, I’ll see you later,” he said as the man left. He had to work to force the pain down. Just the other night he was engaged, he had given Isabella his ring, and he was so happy, happier than he had been in years. Finally, he had found a love similar to what he shared with Marlena in that it seemed to complete him. In the blink of an eye that was all changed. Marlena was back and he was so glad of that, but it was difficult to be around her. It was so confusing to feel so…drawn to her, a part of him wanting her, and at the same time be in love another woman.
While absently walking around the station house, thoughts of Isabella ran through his head, memories of her laughter, times when all they did was snuggle up on the couch with the kids to watch a movie, arranging a romantic surprise for her birthday.. ‘Oh, Izzy B… I love you, I still love you. I hope you know that. I wish I knew what to do about it.”
As he stood in the doorway staring blankly at the hardwood floor of the gym, wondering what to do with himself, a questioning voice inside his own mind confronted him. ‘If you love her so much then why don’t you go see her, why don’t you go ahead and marry her like you planned? Your marriage to Marlena was years ago and you moved on. There’s nothing wrong with that, so… go on, marry Isabella if you love her so much.’
Continuing the internal dialogue, he began to answer, ‘Because… I…’
The other part of his heart kept pushing him, ‘Because what… why can’t you just marry Isabella, you just said you love her, so do it.’
‘I..can’t!’ he cried, confused by the way his mind was handling his painful dilemna.
‘WHY?’ asked the voice that represented one half of his heart, ‘Why can’t you marry her?’
Only slightly hesitant, he answered himself, ‘Because! I… I…love Marlena too, I love her very much! She was my heart and soul, she was everything to me and I was devastated when I thought she died. Now by some miracle she came back to me! I can’t pretend that doesn’t mean anything to me, that I don’t feel something for her. She loves me and she wants our marriage to go on, she wants me to accept her back into my life. And, why shouldn’t I, it wasn’t like she left me, someone took her and kept her away from me. It wasn’t her fault!’
‘It wasn’t yours either, Roman… so.. why can’t you do that, what’s stopping you from accepting her, why are you running from your feelings?’
‘I’m not..it’s just that… I put those feelings away in a very special place for safe keeping and now they want to come out and I’m not sure how to let them. It…’ He stopped, not knowing what else to say and then finished with an exhausted sigh, ‘Oh, I don’t know.. I just don’t know anything anymore.’
‘I know something,’ said that determined questioning voice again, ‘you’re scared to admit how much you feel for her, how quickly those feelings are returning. That scares you doesn’t it, to be so strongly affected by her?’
‘No, why should it scare me? No, that’s not it at all,’ he defended himself unsuccessfully.
‘Liar… you’re scared to death, it makes you question what you’ve been feeling for Isabella, doesn’t it, Roman?’
Roman fired back, ‘No! No, that’s not true, I love Isabella… I do love her! I’m just..confused, that’s all.’
His internal argument was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder and then a concerned voice, “Hey… Bro…what’s going on with you? You look like you’re a million miles away,” said Bo Brady.
Roman sighed sadly, still thinking about his internal conversation, “No.. I wish I was a million miles away right now, Bo. I was right here in Salem, trying to figure what in the heck I’m gonna do with my life.”
“Ah.. you mean you were thinking about Isabella and Marlena again. “
He turned to face his younger brother, nodded and chuckled lightly before saying, “Again? You mean still, I’m still thinking about them. Bo, I can’t think of anything else right now, and it’s making me crazy. I just had this strange conversation with myself and I’m just as confused as ever.”
That little voice spoke to him again, “No… you know what you need to do, Roman, you have to find the strength and courage to do it, and you will one day.” He ignored it and came up with a temporary solution to the problem, one that would allow him to avoid choosing for at least a little while. “Bo.. I’m gonna focus on finding out exactly what happened to Marlena, where she was, who was behind it, everything. I just gotta have something to do!” he finished with great intensity. Roman Brady was nothing else if not a man of action.
Smiling knowingly, Bo asked, “You want some help with it Bro?”
Roman returned the smile, saying, “Yea…that would be great, thanks a lot.” They stood there quietly for a few seconds and Roman asked, “Have you seen Isabella today, Bo? Is she okay?”
“Roman… she’s stronger than you think, she understands how hard this is for you, don’t worry so much. Give yourself a break.” Roman nodded, “Yea…you’re right, she’s probably handling this thing better than I am, Bo. Okay then, let’s get to work on solving this mystery.” The two men went back to Roman’s office and began to put a strategy together. They would spend some time with Marlena, gathering as many details as she could possibly recall and then start to trace her path backwards to its destination and keep digging for answers along the way.
Roman kept telling himself that if he could understand it and learn the truth about what happened to Marlena, then maybe he could settle with it and make a choice between her and Isabella. That little voice deep inside him said that he was lying to himself, that what he was really doing was running away from the admittedly painful decision he faced, but he squelched that voice this time. The thought of actually choosing and thus directly hurting either of the women he loved was too hard to handle, so he did run, burying himself in the investigation, not having any idea where it would lead. What he also failed to recognize was that by not choosing, he was hurting both of them and prolonging their suffering, whereas making a choice would allow all three of them to move on with their lives. That was his first big mistake.
Roman and Bo headed back to Roman’s office where the men were just finishing up with the last of the banners and balloons and Bo surmised why he had found his brother staring blankly into the gym. The guys had surprised him by decorating his office. Putting an hand on Roman’s back from behind, he asked softly, “It hurts doesn’t it?”
He wanted to deny it, but he couldn’t. Reflecting on how happy he and Isabella were in recent weeks, he admitted to the pain he was feeling, “Yea.. it does. Don’t get me wrong Bo.. I’m… thrilled that Marlena is alive, that she came back to all of us, but…” Roman paused, trying to decide how to express what was running through his mind.
“But, you love Isabella too and you wish you could just go ahead and marry her like you planned. You were so happy, Roman.. when you told me about proposing to her, almost like a teenager.”
Remembering that day fondly, he smiled wistfully and said, “Yea… I guess I was. She makes me… happy, Bo. She makes me believe I can do anything. Izzy B is so wonderful Bo.. and she doesn’t deserve this.. waiting and wondering.”
Bo felt the need to balance out the picture for Roman, “No, she doesn’t, but.. then again, Marlena didn’t die and she didn’t leave you, she was held against her will. She didn’t deserve that and you didn’t deserve to grieve her loss. I remember how much you loved her then, how.. destroyed you were… for a long time.”
Roman switched directions as Bo talked and he found that there were a few tears forming as he too remembered that agonizing pain. Nodding sadly, he said, “Yes.. I was a total wreck, Bo.. I thought I was gonna die, it hurt so bad. Hell, a few times I wanted to die, so I could be with her. I loved her so much…” As the image that had haunted his dreams for years came to his mind’s eye once again, he said quietly, “I felt like half of myself died right along with her in that plane.”
Bo’s next comment brought him to the present, “And now… she’s back…”
Roman nodded, sighed with weariness and repeated the phrase, “And now she’s back.” He sat down tiredly on the edge of the desk and then said quietly, “Bo.. I locked those emotions up tight, I had to so I could survive it. I… care for her, but I… don’t.. know what to do. I don’t know how to.. open that place up and let those feelings out again. I’m not sure I… can.”
Innocently, Bo asked a question meant to clarify, “Not sure you can or not sure you want to?”
Roman, who had glanced down at the floor, whipped his head around to stare incredulously at his brother. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, feeling as if he were being accused of something.
Putting his hands up in a slightly defensive gesture Bo said, “Woah… calm down Bro… I only meant that.. I was wondering if.. you might not want to open your heart to Marlena again because.. ” Bo knew he was entering touchy territory and paused to think about how to say it so as not to offend or upset his brother any more than he already was.
Roman guessed where he was leading, but didn’t want to go there. Rising from the edge of the desk and walking around it to retrieve the maps he had been reviewing periodically, he said, “Hey you know what I think.. I think we need to get down to business here.” Putting the maps on the surface of the desk, he tried to end the conversation about the women in his life, “We’ve talked about this enough for now.”
That was all it took to convince Bo he was on the right track and he decided to gently confront the issue, believing it was what his brother needed. “What I was going to say was that, I wonder if you might be… a little.. scared to let yourself.. love her again because… she’s been taken from you before and it could happen again. If you have a little distance on your feelings, then you think maybe it won’t hurt so much.”
Roman felt that truth in his soul, Bo was right, but he couldn’t find it within himself to admit it. More irritatedly than he meant to, he said, “No.. that’s not it at all, Bo! Now come on let’s get down to it. I said I don’t want to talk about that anymore!”
Bo sighed tiredly and gave it up. Roman just wasn’t ready to face everything yet, which was to be expected. Marlena had only returned a short time ago; it was probably going to take months to sort it all out, and then some. “Okay.. let’s take a look at those maps then. Show me what you’ve figured out so far.”
Roman and Bo leaned over the desk pouring over the maps and were able to get some vague idea of the possible points of origination for the plane on which Marlena had stowed away for the trip to Miami. It seemed that there were so many places to check out that it was a little overwhelming. Bo was observing Roman and he appeared to be growing increasingly frustrated. “Hey, Bro.. what do you say we go slug down a couple of beers at the Cheatin Heart, you know…. to take a break and loosen up a little.”
Still staring down at the maps, Roman said with great intensity, “No.. I gotta figure this out, Bo! I have to… understand, I have to know what happened to her, who.. held her.. where she was.. “
“Why…. why is it all that so important?” Bo interrupted.
Shocked to hear Bo even ask the question, he replied with some irritation in his tone, “Because.. she lost five years of her life, Bo.. Isn’t that enough?”
His brother shrugged and said purposefully, “I guess, maybe… if that were the real reason for it.”
“What are you talking about little brother?” Roman asked, finally looking up from the maps, feeling confused.
Bo was hesitant, but shared his thoughts anyway, “I think there’s more to it for you and you haven’t admitted it yet. I think you have to know for you.. not for her. You have to know so you can feel…” Bo stopped when he saw his brother was becoming agitated. He was on edge much of the time since Marlena returned.
Staring at his younger brother, Roman interrupted, feeling accused again, “So I can feel what? Tell me why you think I’m so.. focused on this, Bo. Go ahead… say what’s on your mind,” he urged irritatedly.
Realizing there was no avoiding it now, Bo replied honestly, “Okay.. I think the main reason you are so.. fixated on figuring all of this out is so that you can stop feeling guilty about not knowing she was alive and letting go of her memory, so you can stop feeling bad about moving on with your life and falling in love with Isabella.”
Roman stared for one second longer and then plopped himself down hard on the wooden chair behind his desk, sighing heavily. His brother was exactly right, that was the reason he had been denying to himself, preferring instead to pretend it was all about what happened to Marlena and what she was robbed of. It was so difficult for Roman to admit that it was more about his own response to her return and the meaning of it in his mind, and in his life.
Bo sat down on the edge of the desk to wait. Roman was quiet for several moments as he struggled to face the truth, then finally he looked up woefully into his brother’s eyes and said, “You’re right, Bo.. that is the reason. I just.. can’t stop thinking about her being gone for so long.. alive all that time.. I should have known. Dammit, Bo, I should have known!”
Roman was always expecting too much of himself and Bo called him on it, “Why, Roman.. because you have some kind of secret powers and you should be able to see through walls, and read minds, because you can leap over tall buildings… Roman.. you are just a man, that’s all. You believed she died, you did everything you could to learn the truth when you were led to believe that she was alive. There is no way you could have known! Nobody thinks badly of you because you let her go and moved on with your life, and then it turned out five years later that she was alive. Nobody but you, Roman.”
Slamming his hand on the desk as he stood up, Roman yelled at his brother, feeling the old pain as if it were brand new, “Don’t you understand, Bo? I promised her I would protect her, that nobody would ever take her away from me and the children again, but I was wrong! I didn’t keep her safe and then I watched that plane go down.. and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it! I should have been able to save her, but I couldn’t!”
Wiping away a few tears that had formed and slipped determinedly out the corners of his eyes, he said only somewhat more calmly, “And then.. I had some leads about her being alive and they didn’t pan out. I gave up after that. I quit searching and moved on while she was being held against her will.” The guilty sadness increased the more he thought about what Marlena lost because he didn’t keep searching for her. “It was five years Bo! I let her be kept away from her family, from her babies..for five years! It’s my fault, Bo.. I shouldn’t have given up, I should have.. sensed her presence, I should have.. kept looking until I found her!”
Reaching across the desk to grasp his brother’s shoulders firmly, Bo spoke forcefully, hoping to make the man realize how irrational his thinking was, “No.. Roman.. you couldn’t have known.. .there is no way you could have known and you have to stop this..blaming yourself for what happened to Marlena. It’s tearing you apart!” As he pulled back, and pointed down to the desk, Bo said, “It happened and it was out of your control and staying here…focusing all your energy on studying these maps, making phone calls, figuring out exactly where she was held, who did it… all of that… won’t bring back those five years, Roman! And, most important of all….it won’t save you from the pain of having to make a choice between Marlena and Isabella. Sooner or later, you have to decide who you’re going to spend your life with and who you’re going to say goodbye to.”
When he finished, Bo looked into his brother’s troubled eyes and he knew he had hit on the truth. That was exactly the issue Roman was trying to avoid. By channeling most of his energy into finding all the answers, he could put off the most painful decision of his life for a little while longer. Sitting back down, Roman sighed with emotional exhaustion and then relented, “Oh… Bo.. you’re right, I know you’re right..” he said tearfully, hating to admit the truth. In anguish, he said, “I just don’t know what to do.. I love em both, Bo! I didn’t think that was even possible, but it is and I don’t.. want to hurt anyone. If I choose one, I hurt the other…and I don’t want to do that!” he said anxiously, wishing his dilemma away again.
Bo put a hand on Roman’s shoulder, sighed in sympathy and then said, “I know… it’s so hard, but I think there’s something you’re missing here, big brother.”
Quickly wiping a few tears away and sniffling a couple of times, Roman asked, What… what am I missing, Bo?”
“Well… by not choosing, by trying to avoid making a decision, you’re hurting both of them.”
Roman sat quietly for a minute or so and then it was like a light suddenly went on in his head.”Oh, man… you’re right about that too. I didn’t even think of it like that. The longer I put off making a choice, the longer all three of us are going to be in pain about the situation.” Roman practically leaped off the chair and started toward the door before he realized he hadn’t shared his latest conclusion with his insightful little brother.
“Roman, where are you going?” asked Bo, taken by surprise by his brother’s sudden move.
He turned back around to face Bo, chuckling at his own impulsiveness and said, “Oh.. yea.. I decided that you’ve gotten a lot smarter while I wasn’t watching you little brother. I gotta go now.”
That comment made Bo laugh too. “Ha ha.. now tell me the rest of it, big brother,” he said, knowing that his questions were making Roman think and view his situation more clearly. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to talk to both of them and then I’m going to take some time away, maybe go someplace where I can.. think.”
Bo was surprised by that, “Wait a minute, you mean to tell me you’re really going to put all this stuff off for awhile?” he asked, gesturing to the maps that symbolized the search for answers.
Roman was shocked to admit the truth, even to himself. Nodding his head, he said in amazement, with a weak smile on his face, “Yea.. I am… because you were right, Bo. Pointing to the desk he said, “I was using all that as an excuse not to deal with my feelings for Marlena, and because of my guilt about not knowing she was alive and falling in love with Isabella while she was gone. I was using it to avoid making a choice like you said, so.. I’m going to put that aside for now and concentrate on deciding whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. It wouldn’t be fair to them to make them wait indefinitely, it would only hurt them both and I don’t want that to happen. They both deserve better.” With that being said, Roman walked back over to his desk, snagged his jacket from the back of his chair and scooted out the door, calling out behind him, “Thanks..for everything, Bo.”
Bo only nodded and then stood there staring somewhat absently at the closed door, wondering how in the world it was that he had managed to get his sometimes stubborn know-it-all older brother to listen to a word he said. They used to fight all the time, never seeing eye to eye on anything. For as long as Bo could remember Roman was always trying to get him to see the error of his ways, getting on his case about every little mistake he made. And now.. it seemed they had real conversations about important issues and Roman could listen to him instead of being the one to always hand down advice from his lofty position as the wiser older brother. It was almost like he was a different person, but people did change over time and this quality of mutual respect in their relationship hadn’t happened overnight; it developed over several years. “You’re welcome Bro, good luck,” Bo said to the spot where his brother had been sitting a few minutes earlier. Ready to call it a night himself, Bo turned off the light and locked up the office. Life as a Brady never ceased to amaze him; he sometimes still couldn’t believe how much easier Roman was to deal with in the past few years. He was much more approachable and Bo actually liked being around him. They were more than brothers now, they had become close friends and it was one of the most important relationships in Bo’s life. ‘I guess even older brothers can get smarter,’ he thought as he stepped out the front door of the Salem Police Department, planning to head for the boat. This was definitely a turn of events he had to tell Hope about, she would appreciate the irony of it too. Roman Brady following the advice of his irksome younger brother; that was one for the record books if there ever were one.
As Roman approached the front door to the house, he paused to think about how many times he had come home late at night from the Cop Shop, finding Marlena camped out on the couch with a box of kleenex, watching some old romantic movie, and sobbing her eyes out. Sometimes, she was fast asleep with a novel lying open on top of her, the book rising and falling with every breath she took. As he peered inside, she was there… just that way, sleeping peacefully; she had waited up for him and he was touched. Seeing her that way brought a warm smile to his face. That comforting image was one of so many memories he had locked away in his mind… simple moments… warm welcome home hugs and kisses, silly playful.. romantic times… teasing fights about the tube of toothpaste or who got the shower first, his jokes about her cooking… watching some new grand task the twinners had mastered, or watching a school play Carrie was in. These and other pictures of the life he shared with her were slowly beginning to slip through the gates to the fortress he had built around them to safeguard them forever.
As those images appeared in his mind’s eye, he began to recall those times when he was still so new at being a husband and father.. and a son and older brother as well. He was so unsure of his role, uncertain of his place in the family and in the world at large. Marlena was the one who made him feel like he mattered, like he belonged somewhere when he had nobody in his life and no history to draw upon. When he was little more than a stranger, she invited him first into her life, into her world, and then eventually she welcomed him into a warm loving home, and reunited him with his parents and siblings as well as a circle of friends. Marlena Evans had reached out her hand to him at a time when he was alone and scared, with no name, no memories of the past, nothing at all to call his own. She was the light at the end of a very long dark tunnel, a ray of warm sunshine on a cold and imposing grey winter’s day. Marlena essentially became the foundation for his whole life during the early days of his new existence as Roman Brady; he loved her immeasurably and depended on her more than he ever could have imagined.
When he thought she died, the light went out of his life; sometimes he thought it would be pitch dark like that forever. He survived the loss because of the children, knowing that he had to care for them, to raise them as best he could. Somehow he made it through the bleakest of times and eventually the excruciating aching sensation of grief began to fade from his heart and he was able to embrace life and find love again. And now.. five years later, a true miracle had happened and she was back. It was still so incredible to him.
While continuing to enjoy looking in on her, Roman remembered every minute detail of the night he found her on the pier.. the fog that settled in, the eerie sensation of being drawn to find her, his soul knowing that she was there because of the deep connection between them. And.. oh, the moment he knew she was real, the feeling of great joy in his heart, the sense of stunned disbelief that lingered even as they embraced so powerfully. In that space of time, all thoughts of anyone or anything else vanished as if never there at all. It was just Roman and Marlena Brady, together again at long last, together in love as they were destined to be. He immersed himself in that euphoric memory and remembered how he felt. He had never been more elated in the entire span of the life that he could actively recall, to see her again, to touch her silky hair, to caress the tender skin of her flushed cheeks, to breathe in the heavenly aroma of her, and to feel her shapely body in his arms. It was as if his heart and soul were free from their imprisonment and he was totally at peace for the first time in five years. By the grace of God, his great love, his best friend and partner, his soul mate, was home where she belonged.
As he prepared to step inside his home, wondering if she were still awake this time, he spoke out loud to himself about her, “Oh, Doc.. I do love you… you were everything to me then.. you gave me faith and hope for the future, and you helped me make sense out of the chaos in my head.” The rest of his thoughts about her were reviewed inside the privacy of his mind, ‘Without you I wouldn’t have a home, a job, children, parents, a brother and sisters… none of it, Doc. You gave me a place to belong, you brought me home. Your love and your faith in me saw me through the worst of times. A part of me will always love you, I won’t ever deny that… but what about now? What should I feel for you now? What do I feel?’
Before he could answer the questions for himself, the door opened to reveal a yawning Marlena, who asked, “I thought I heard some noise out here. What are doing standing outside, Roman? Why didn’t you come in?”
“Oh… I was just… thinking,” he said quietly as the memories played in his mind again, bringing a sweet smile to his handsome features.
“About what?” she asked, wondering if he were remembering their past as she had been doing all evening long while waiting for him to return.
Walking across the threshold, he said, “About us.. about the past, the way we were… We were great together, weren’t we?” he asked, not needing her to answer, but wanting one anyway.
She nodded and smiled in fond remembrance, “Yes…we were, Roman. We were better than great, we were amazing. We loved each other so much we could hardly see anyone else sometimes, except of course for Sami, Eric and Carrie.”
After shutting the door behind him, he reached out a hand to caress her cheek, and then his fingers gently stroked her golden hair. After a pause to admire her beauty, he agreed, “Yes… that’s true, Doc. I haven’t forgotten any of it, Marlena. I just buried some of those memories because it hurt for a long time to remember them. In fact, the memories are really starting to come to the surface, tonight in particular. I can’t say why really… but they are and I’m so glad about that. They’re wonderful memories…” he started, then noticed the photo albums on the coffee table. “Oh.. you got out the pictures.. that sounds like a good idea to me. I haven’t looked at them in… in a long time and I’d like to.. if you’re still interested that is,” he said hopefully.
Her eyes sparkled like diamonds at his suggestion. “Of course I’m interested. Roman, I want to look at all of them and then I want you to tell me about the years I was gone.”
The shine faded slightly from his eyes; that wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, but he knew she needed to do it so she could fill in the missing pieces. “Well, okay.. but only if you look at the ones from when I first found out I was Roman. Those are the ones I’ve been remembering.. the times we were together and happy, Doc. We had some great times… and I want to share those with you first. Then, we’ll deal with the others, all right?”
Marlena was pleased to hear him talk this way; he wasn’t running from what he felt for her now and she felt much more hopeful about the future. “That sounds good to me, Roman. I’ve been remembering too and the pictures bring back so many more happy moments that I’d almost forgotten. It’s been wonderful, honey.”
Thinking about his talk with Bo at the station and his own internal dialogue, Roman made a decision and he had to share it immediately, so he wouldn’t have a chance to change his mind. “Doc….I’ve been doing some serious thinking tonight and I… was.. wondering.” Suddenly, he felt nervous.. unsure of himself and he stood up off the couch where they had just settled, walking over toward the window to look out at the night sky which was dotted with a million twinkling lights.
“What is it, Roman?” she asked, feeling panic rising inside. She wanted to press him for a quick answer, but decided against it. Instead, she waited patiently for him to finish his sentence.
Roman was tentative which wasn’t like him, but this was not a normal situation, “I.. uh… don’t know why, but I’m.. nervous.” Shaking it off, he continued, “Anyway, what I was going to say is.. I was thinking that it might be a good idea for you and me and the kids to… spend some time together, you know… to get to know each other again. What do you say, Doc?” he asked hesitantly. “Do you want to take a little trip with me and the twinners, maybe spend the weekend in the mountains?”
Her face was filled with delight to hear those words, since she thought maybe he was about to tell her something along the lines of having chosen Isabella. She was completely thrilled that it was the opposite; he seemed to be warming up to her substantially and her heart leaped at the thought of time away from Salem with him and their children, no interruptions. “Oh, Roman… I think it’s a wonderful idea!” she cried out gleefully just before she engaged him in a startling kiss, her tongue weaving its way around his in a way that left him breathless.
“Woah.. I guess that’s a definite yes then,” he finally managed to say, a wide grin spreading rapidly across his face.
“Yes..I’d say you’re right.. it’s a plan, Roman. Oh, I’m so happy!” she said as she hugged him tightly.
Roman was a little overwhelmed by her enthusiasm, but didn’t pull away. Instead, he allowed himself to enjoy the platonic contact and found himself remembering how comfortable it always felt to be in her arms; it was the safest warmest place he had ever known and it felt extremely good to be back there.
* * *
A day or so later, Roman paused as he approached the door to Jack and Jen’s place, rehearsing for about the fiftieth time what he wanted to say to Isabella. ‘Oh.. Izzy B.. I hope you can understand this… I don’t want to hurt you, but I have to do something to help me make some sense out of all this.’ His thoughts were interrupted as someone answered the door; he was surprised to look into the eyes of his “fiance”.. or could he still call her that? Did he want to? Stop it, Roman… you’re making yourself crazy here…’ he was telling himself as she addressed him.
“Roman.. what are you doing here, I thought you were… home with… Marlena.” The way she said it was friendly, but there was a resentful undertone.. how could she help it?
“Uh… hi, Isabella. I uh.. didn’t expect you to answer the door, I was.. surprised I guess, sorry about that. I’ve been… thinking about some things these past couple of days and I wanted to.. talk to you about.. them. May I come in?” he asked tentatively.. still uncertain what he would say.
The awkwardness was hard to take.. Just days ago they fell into each other’s arms whenever they saw each other at the end of a day, and now their eyes barely met. “Sure, Roman.. come on in, ” she replied, praying he wasn’t going to tell her it was over… ‘Oh.. please don’t let it be that.. not…yet’
Glancing around the condo.. Roman noticed the inactivity. Whenever Jack Deveraux was around there was always a lot of commotion, but the place was very quiet and he commented about it, making small talk in an unconscious attempt to forestall the inevitable. “So… where are Jack and Jennifer tonight?”
“Oh, they went out to dinner… and I didn’t feel… up to it. So.. I’ve got the place to myself, it’s sort of nice actually,” she said, lying through her teeth; she hated it. She wanted to be with him and the twins at his house…alone was the last thing she wanted to be. Not wanting to waste time or endure prolonged anxiety she asked as they sat down next to each other on the couch, “So.. anyway, Roman.. you said you were doing some thinking, did it have anything to do with us?” knowing it did by his hesitant demeanor and his slightly averted gaze.
Suddenly, he panicked, not wanting to say what he had come to say. Not quite looking at her he spoke nervously, “Uh…yea.. it does. I..uh, well, I decided that.. I need to… spend some time… away, so I can.. make some sense out of all this. I think I’m going to go away for the weekend or something and I wanted you to know, so you wouldn’t wonder why I didn’t call you for a few days.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell her about Marlena and the kids, and he regretted it when he realized that meant he was making her ask him.
“Oh….. well, are you… going alone or…” she started and then stopped short when she saw his guilty expression. He was taking them all with him. She rose from her seated position and walked away from him toward the balcony that overlooked the city, not wanting to show him how much it hurt her. ‘This is the beginning of the end for us,’ she thought, ‘and there’s nothing I can do about it.’
Roman approached her, putting his hands gently upon her shoulders to turn her toward him, “Isabella.. I want to explain this to you. You know that I love you, that hasn’t changed, but I’ve realized something. Izzy…my feelings for you are all in the present. But.. with Marlena.. they’ve been buried inside where I could keep the memories of our life safe. I… have to be fair to her Izzy… she’s… my..” his voice trailed off and he glanced away before he finished the sentence.
Isabella jumped in to complete the thought. “Wife.. you can say it Roman, it’s not a dirty word. Your wife has returned and you want to spend some time away with her and your children. You don’t need to explain it to me.” Her words and even her tone were mostly pleasant, but there was a strong undercurrent of jealousy. Again, she started to walk away from him, hurt and a little angry, though she knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault. “You know.. I’m pretty tired, Roman, I think I’ll go to bed now. Thank you for coming by. Have a…good trip.” She didn’t look at him as she said it while taking a few steps toward the guest bedroom.
He called after her, imploring her to listen to him, “Wait Izzy B.. please…don’t be upset with me. I have to.. do this, so I can find a way to resolve this crazy situation we’re all in right now. Please try to understand. I have to know if it’s over for Marlena and I… I have to spend time around her to see if what I felt for her in the past has meaning for the present… for the future.”
She wasn’t looking at him and he knew he was hurting her more with every word he uttered and he hated that, but it couldn’t be avoided. Still, he went on, trying to clarify his thinking so she could understand, “Isabella, if I don’t do this… and we just go on with our plans.. then I could end up hurting you even more than I am now, and God knows I don’t want to do that. You said it yourself, we can’t be engaged as long as I’m… married.” It sounded so strange to say that in reference to himself; he was a young widower for five years, and now suddenly the term *married man* applied to him again.
She stopped and turned toward him, a look of intense anguish on her face. “Oh, Roman.. I’m scared…. I don’t want to lose you and I can feel you slipping away from me already. If you go with her.. I’m so afraid of what will happen. I love you and I need you so much!”
His heart ached with sadness; to be so torn between two women like this was agonizing for him. “Oh Isabella, I’m so sorry! I wish I could.. just tell you that it’s over with Marlena.. but I can’t do that! You know how much I loved her… how devastated I was when she..d..” He stopped, thinking how odd it all was, then finished with a correction, “when I thought she died.” Working to maintain his composure, he completed his thoughts, feeling such distress about his dilemna and what it was doing to both of the women he loved, “I..can’t just….turn my back on her, as if the marriage meant nothing to me. It wasn’t her fault that she was gone all that time; someone took her away, and the least I can do is.. give her a chance Izzy… you know that’s true.” Roman’s voice and eyes pleaded for understanding rather than condemnation.
Isabella nodded tearfully, saying, “Yes.. I know it’s true.. but it doesn’t stop the pain! It hurts, Roman.. it hurts so much!” Tears flowed heavily as she recounted what had changed so quickly, “A few days ago.. I was happier than I ever thought possible. I was engaged to marry the man of my dreams.. I was about to start a new life with him and his three beautiful children.. and become a sister and daughter-in-law to the most wonderful family I’ve ever known.. and now.. that dream is crumbling right before my eyes. I don’t want to lose you, Roman!” she cried forlornly.
Roman pulled her into a warm embrace and stroked her hair. It was so soft and it smelled so wonderful. It felt good to hold her again and he instinctively made a move to kiss her, of which she took full advantage, kissing him very passionately. If she could only keep him with her now… maybe she had a chance. She began to touch him in ways that always aroused him swiftly and he moaned with desire for her.
As their foreplay swiftly became lovemaking, Roman suddenly became aware of what was happening and he broke contact, though it nearly killed him to stop. It felt so pleasurable and he loved Isabella very much… but they shouldn’t be together this way, not until he had made his choice. It simply wasn’t fair to either woman or himself to be intimate when his heart was divided. “I’m sorry, Isabella, but I can’t do this… not like this.. It just isn’t right..not for you or for me.” She was shaking her head to deny his assertions and she impulsively blurted out bitterly, “You mean for your wife…it isn’t right for your precious Doc!”
That hurt him, as intended. If she was alone and hurting, he should feel some of that pain.
After long moments of thick silence, Roman, knowing the encounter wasn’t going to end pleasantly, said sadly, “Well, I guess I better go now. I’m sorry, Izzy.. I’ll see you soon.” He leaned in for a peck on the cheek and she rebuffed him, then said angrily, “Goodbye Roman.. Have a safe trip!” She stormed out of the room in tears and ran to the bedroom, locking the door behind her.
Roman called out to her retreating form, but she didn’t respond. Sighing heavily, he turned and left the scene, knowing there was nothing more to be said. Quietly, he spoke of his sorrow about hurting her as he stepped out the front door of the Deveraux condominium, “I am sorry Isabella, but this is the way it has to be…for now. I can’t be with either one of you that way until I’ve made a decision. Goodbye Izzy B, I do love you,” he said tenderly before blowing a kiss in her direction.
The kids were thrilled to be going on a mini-vacation to the mountains… they always loved it when they went someplace. It didn’t really matter where because the best part about it was that their Daddy didn’t have to go to work. Eric and Sami were running around making sure they had some of their favorite books and toys and just about every piece of sporting equipment they owned. Marlena was working off of a list, as usual and as was fairly typical, Roman was studying a map, deciding on the perfect route to take to the remote cabin he had rented for the four day weekend he managed to finagle out of his superiors. Being Commander did have its perks and he planned to use them to their full advantage this time. After about ten more minutes, he folded up the map, stood up to his full height and announced quite confidantly, “Well, I’m ready to go if you guys are.”
Marlena looked at him strangely and said, “Roman… you haven’t packed a thing yet.. or did you expect me to pick out all your clothes and whatever else you need, besides the map, a compass and a flashlight?” she finished teasingly, knowing those items were already accounted for by this time.
Embarassed that he had fallen back to old habits so easily, but pleased all the same because it felt comfortable, he said with overdone sweetness, “Well, you were always *so* good at that, Doc… everything I wore was… color coordinated and you *know* how important that is to me.. ” he said with a hearty chuckle, as he turned away from her and pretended to be busy with some other details.
She laughed too, it did feel good to know that he fell back into that pattern so easily. It was a very good sign for the relationship, “Oh… good one, Roman… that was a really good one. Color coordinated…he wants to be color coordinated…” she was muttering under her breath as she went up the stairs to do exactly that, pick out his clothes so that he looked decent, at least once or twice during the trip.
“Works every time,” he was saying, as he admired the way her hips and bottom looked from behind as she climbed the stairs. ‘Oh baby, I forgot how good you looked to me when you did that,’ he was thinking.
“I’m on to you, Brady… it won’t work again,” she called out over her shoulder. “..and stop gawking and get busy would you.. Daylight’s a wasting… Isn’t that what you always say?”
“Uh.. yea… I do… say that,” he stammered, feeling slightly embarassed to have been caught staring at her backside. She was so observant it was scary sometimes. “I’ll uh…check with the kids and pack all the camping gear, honey.”
“Good thinking, Roman,” she said from the top of the stairs. It was wonderful to anticipate their trip. There would be no interruptions, no distractions…and quite possibly nothing to remind him of his other love. Marlena didn’t plan on bringing her up and she didn’t plan on manipulating Roman in any way… but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to help him remember how good things were between them when they were together all those years ago. And who knew, if a moment of mutual desire happened to come along, she wasn’t about to let it slip by. He was by all rights still her husband; therefore, she had a legitimate claim on his heart and.. other things.
Looking at a picture of him with the kids and the other woman, she said, “Oh… I can’t wait to get you alone, Roman.. and when I do.. well let’s just say… I don’t believe you’ll be thinking of Isabella,” she said while packing one little item of lingerie… just in case. Marlena was determined to make every minute of this trip count for something; she was going to win his heart back and this was the first and very important step toward that end. In fact, in her mind, she had already made some strides in that direction, if this recent warming of his approach toward her was any indication. He was occasionally nervous.. a little jumpy sometimes, usually when passion seemed to flare slightly between them, but he definitely seemed to be enjoying her company more, and he wasn’t avoiding his feelings so much any longer. He was speaking fondly of their history, even initiating discussions of some of their happiest times together. All of that was a good indication that he was opening his heart to let those buried emotions come out and to let her inside.
“Hey… Doc.. the kids are chomping at the bit… can’t you find enough matching outfits for me?” he called out from the bottom of the stairs.
“You are impossible, Roman Brady… No.. as a matter of fact, I can’t. Who does your shopping for you… anyway…” her voice trailed off as the thought occurred to her, just who that was.
He didn’t know how to respond at first, but then hastily said, “Uh… I do, Doc, of course… that’s why nothing matches. I’ve needed your touch around here. Listen, whatever you’ve got in there will be fine for me. Thanks for doing it, I really do hate packing.”
She sighed, suddenly feeling tired, and said, “Yes, you always did. She took a last glance at that picture in the frame and said, “I’m sorry Isabella, I’m glad you were here for him while I was gone… but I’ve returned and Roman is *my* husband. I want him back. I’ll play fair, but he *will* be mine again… and I think this trip is going to make all the difference in the world.” Placing the picture in a drawer, she finished packing for him and left the master bedroom, feeling confidant of her assertion.
A short time later, they were putting the last items in the trunk, when Marlena started to make a dash for the house. Roman looked up at her and suddenly he was transported back in time, to another trip, much like this one. They were headed up to the mountains… it was winter time, but it was a family getaway nonetheless. He had watched once before as she made a last minute trip into the house never to return. He stood there as the house blew up and that memory flashed in his mind; he was suddenly terrified of losing her again. Immersed in the memory, Roman ran toward the door screaming, “No… Doc… no, don’t go back in there!”
He caught her just as she reached the threshold and was about to step inside, pulling her into a crushing embrace. His body was trembling as he held her so close that she could hardly breathe.
“Roman… honey… you’re holding me too tight… Honey… what’s wrong?” she asked, genuinely alarmed.
Reality began to filter through and he was back with her in the present, realizing that she was alright. His breathing was rapid and she could practically hear his heartbeat, it was so fast. “I..uh…I’m sorry, I…. uh had a memory flash, Doc… It was.. that time we were supposed to go skiing.. and I got.. scared that I was going to..lose you. Pretty crazy, huh?” he said trying to joke it off.
Reaching up with her fingertips to touch his face, she said softly, “No…. it’s not crazy, it’s understandable. That must have been frightening for you, but I’m alright, Roman… and I’m not going away again. You’re not going to lose me, honey… I’m back for good.”
Caressing her cheeks and stroking the silken tresses that he adored, he said with a slightly shaky voice, “I… couldn’t… bear it, Marlena… if anything happened to you. I…I still love you… I love you so much, Doc!” There.. he said it… she was back for only a week and he said it, what was in his heart from the first second he saw her. For some reason, he had shut down those feelings, even though he was thrilled, no… more like.. ecstatic to see her and to know that she was alive, he couldn’t allow the fullness of the love he felt to flow out from his heart. He was holding back because of the fear, but this unexpected incident compelled him to share that love, in the moment he felt it.
“Oh… Roman.. I love you too! I love you too!” she cried joyfully, thanking the Lord for his perfect timing. “Does this mean…”
A slightly bewildered expression appeared on his face and then he nodded, trying to make sense of exactly what it did mean for their future. “Marlena… I… don’t know.. what’s going to happen next, but… I’m not going to run away from those moments when I feel something for you.. not anymore. I’m going to let them go wherever they lead us. I won’t deny my feelings for you any more. I love Isabella… but you are my wife and you deserve to be treated like the special, wonderful, incredible woman that you are to me. I’m sorry if there were times when it felt like I was pushing you away, avoiding you…. it’s only because of that fear, but no more. I’m not wasting any more time. I want to find out what there is between us.. I want to spend lots of time with you and the kids and just let it happen.”
“Roman…. that’s all I want… is for you to give me a chance.. I know that a long buried memory of love can’t compete with a new and fresh love affair. But, if you open yourself up to me.. and allow that love to escape from the hiding places in your heart… I *know* that you will realize once again, that we are meant to be together. I believe that as much as I ever have, Roman.”
Roman wasn’t sure he could completely embrace their love the way she wanted him to, but he knew things were changing fast. The more he allowed himself to just experience what was right there in front of him, the more he felt the love returning. He basked in the warmth of her loving presence, and the comfort her smile brought to his weary soul was indescribable. Again, he reached out for her face, running the back of his knuckles up and down her left cheek, while saying, “I can’t make any promises right now, but I do remember how good we were, Doc… and I remember how we felt about each other. I want us to go on this trip and have a great time together, to rediscover all the things that made us so good all those years ago. And I believe that if it’s meant to be… we’re gonna know it.. very soon, maybe even by the time we get back home.”
They stood in the morning sun of a summer’s day holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes like lover’s so often do, the rest of the world spinning on its axis totally unnoticed. All they could see in this instant was each other and what they saw was a deep and abiding love that was going to exist into eternity. No more words were necessary… they were on the threshold of a dream. All that was left was to go after it with everything they had inside. Suddenly, their moment was broken up by the sound of a horn blaring followed by two impatient voices asking questions, “Daddy didn’t you say you wanted to get an early start?” asked Eric, hoping to have an impact.
“Yea… you said we were going to leave early so we could get there and start having some fun. What are we waiting for?” said Sami in the next second.
Roman smiled at his children’s eagerness then looked into Marlena’s shining eyes and said, “Yea… what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” She nodded silently and the twinkle in her eye was somehow everything he needed. Roman took her hand and led her to the car, the last minute item she planned to retrieve long since forgotten. It wasn’t important. What mattered most was the love they felt and the love they were soon going to express. Their hearts knew it even if their minds and bodies weren’t quite there yet. What a trip this was going to be.
Drifting on a memory
Ain’t no place I’d rather be
Than with you, loving you…
As he drove his favorite toy, a Jeep Grand Cherokee, which was his gift to himself for making Commander, toward its mountainous destination, Roman kept stealing quick glances over at Marlena and remembering. Every now and then he’d catch her eye and he knew… She was doing the exact same thing. It was that glorious nervous tension felt only by two people falling in love. Only this was different, it was like falling in love with someone you already knew, but in a different context. It was exciting and mysterious and fun and when their eyes met, they exchanged that conclusion. This trip to the mountains would be filled with moments, big and small, moments in which they remembered the love they shared long ago and moments in which they rekindled and recreated that love in a new way.
Day will make the way for night
All we’ll need is candlelight
And a song, soft and long….
Roman could feel the walls he had built around his heart coming down as each day passed since she returned to him on their pier like an angel appearing out of the mist. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it was real, so he found himself staring at her a lot, which he noted she didn’t seem to mind at all. She was so incredibly beautiful; hers was a timeless grace and elegance and he couldn’t get enough of her, now that those walls had started to come down. Her eyes sparkled in the sunshine and her smile was warming his heart.
Lovely as a ray of sun
That touches me when the morning comes
Feels good to me, my love and me…
Truthfully, she loved it. The way he looked at her in those brief moments before he realized she’d seen him, told her all she really needed to know. Roman Brady was truly, madly, and deeply in love with her; he always had been and he always would be. Theirs was a love that was truly meant to be and one day they would be together again, in every sense of the word. All that was left was the formality of telling his fiance that their relationship was over.
Smoother than a gentle breeze
Flowing through my mind with ease
Soft as can be
When you’re loving me…….
Then, in the next instant, Marlena acknowledged the idea that thinking so confidantly could get her in trouble.. and leave her feeling extremely disappointed and hurt, if she turned out to be wrong about the meaning of the changes in Roman’s behavior toward her.
Internally, she admonished herself, ‘No, Marlena.. don’t be so sure of yourself, don’t be too confidant, at least not yet. Yes, he loves you.. and he’s beginning to let those feelings show, but he still loves her too. You can’t just dismiss his feelings for her. He thought you were dead for five years.. he grieved and let you go. Roman had every right to fall in love again, and his love for her is genuine.’
I wanna be living for the love of you
All that I’m giving is for the love of you…
Before they knew it, the car was pulling up at a remote cabin the woods of the Shawnee National Forest in Southern Illinois. It was beautiful setting, a log cabin perched high up on a hill overlooking a gorgeous natural lake. It was quite charming in a rustic sort of a way, and Marlena loved it. Mostly, however, she was thrilled to be away from Salem, away from that other love, spending a long weekend with just Roman and their two youngest children.
Paradise I have within
Can’t feel insecure again
You’re the key and this I see….
Upon arrival, Roman immediately hopped out of the vehicle and went around to the back to begin unloading the gear, wanting to get settled as quickly as possible. He had plans for the day and he wanted to make sure everything was unloaded and in the cabin before spending the day playing. This was going to be fun and exciting. The days were warm and the nights cool this time of year which meant they even needed to gather some firewood for later on. However, once the chores were completed, it was time for some good old fashioned fun with three of the people he loved most in all the world. If only Carrie were there too… Thinking of how she left, remembering the scene at the house, he suddenly felt the pain of her decision, as if it had just happened.
Marlena was watching him eagerly unloading the fishing gear with a smile of satisfaction on her face. He was happy and relaxed, not tense the way he had been in so many little moments since she’d returned, as if he were afraid to let his guard down, afraid he would feel something for her. Now, he was finally starting to let that guard down and feel good about it. He was positively grinning as he directed the twins where to take various items as he unloaded them from the back end of the Jeep. Then, suddenly, he stopped and a dark shadow passed over his face; he seemed… sad or maybe.. hurt by something.
She contemplated the possible causes and then it came to her; he had mentioned it briefly a day or so earlier. He was missing Carrie and somehow this family trip must have reminded him of how she’d left, how she’d chosen to leave him and go live with her mother. He didn’t talk about it, but Marlena sensed he was deeply hurt by his oldest daughter’s decision.
Silently slipping up behind him, Marlena’s eyes fell on the photograph at which he was staring, and she knew she was correct in her assumption. “You really miss her don’t you?”
He nodded, but didn’t turn toward her, then sighed contentedly as she wrapped her arms around him, pleased to absorb the love she was sending him as well as the warmth of her embrace. “Yes.. I do.. I miss her a lot, Doc… we were… really close… for awhile, anyway… Then, something happened… I don’t really know what, but she started slipping away from me, you know… and I didn’t know what to do.”
Marlena couldn’t help but laugh a little, “Roman.. she became a teenager.. it’s called hormones.. you remember those, don’t you?”
Grinning slightly, in spite of the pain he was feeling, Roman turned around in her arms and answered, “Yea… I suppose you’re right… I guess it took me by surprise. One minute we were so.. great, we were a team.. and then, boom… she was changing before my eyes.. and it seemed like everything I said.. everything I did.. made her unhappy and she wanted to leave. I needed you… she needed you. I just wish…”
“What… what do you wish, Roman?” Marlena asked, curiously.
“Well, I wish she’d come home… I wish she’d give me another chance, Doc.. I know I was hard on her sometimes and we didn’t always communicate like she wanted… but darnit.. I love Carrie… and I want her to come back. I really don’t think that Anna can give her what she needs.” He started to make one more comment about it without even thinking, and immediately regretted it, “You know.. Izzy was talking to her the other day and she said….that..” Roman stopped short, shut his eyes and winced, knowing he’d blown it. Things were going so well and now he’d blown it by mentioning the other woman. “I’m sorry, Doc.”
Marlena turned away briefly, trying to squelch her reaction for Roman’s benefit. He seemed bothered by it, more than she was actually. As she turned back and looked at him again, she tried to make it seem as if she weren’t upset, saying calmly, “It’s okay, Roman… you can say her name, really.. it’s allright. So.. tell me, what were you going to say?” she asked, forcing her smile to appear normal and accepting, not at all jealous of that connection.
He was puzzled by the apparent change, and scrutinized Marlena’s face for her true reaction, asking hesitantly, “Are you.. sure, Doc?”
“Yes… I’m sure. I really want to know,” she said more firmly.
“Allright, then.. Isabella was talking to Carrie… she’s been closer than I have lately. Anyway…. she said that Carrie has been making these comments about what it’s like to live with Anna… saying that it isn’t like she thought it would be… that she’s alone a lot. Isabella told me she didn’t come right out and say it, but she thinks Carrie is seriously considering coming back home to live with us… I mean… me.” He corrected himself immediately, but the damage had been done. The word *Us* was out there in reference to himself and Isabella, and it had come out so naturally, with no hesitation whatsoever. Roman believed that fact was what hurt her so much and cursed himself under his breath as Marlena turned away again. ‘Good one, Brady… that was just great!’ he yelled at himself inside his mind… ‘Way to go, hotshot!’
All Marlena said in response was, “Oh…I see.” Roman knew that he’d done it again, referred to the life he planned to live with Isabella, as if Marlena were not going to be a part of it. He reached out to put his hands on her shoulders, planning to turn her toward him again, but she tensed and ducked out from under his touch. Feeling hurt by her rejection, but understanding all the same, he dropped his hands to his sides and apologized, “I’m sorry, Marlena…. it was.. habit as much as anything else. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I hope you know that.”
She let out a sad sigh, then said, “Yes.. I know that and it’s okay, Roman.. I understand, really I do.. but it gets to me sometimes… I want to be the one to share a life with you.. like we did before and when I hear you say things like that it makes me think that…. well, that all you want is a life with her and not me.” Despite all her attempts to remain strong and not let the moisture form, Marlena dropped her head and began to cry and he melted at the sight, wanting to take away all her pain, but not knowing exactly how without lying to her. That he could never do; it was a solemn vow he’d made with her long ago. No, the only way to handle the situation was through the use of total honesty, painful as it might be at times.
Roman stepped around to face her, a move she didn’t resist. With one hand, he touched her chin and gently tipped it up, so that her eyes met his, and then reached out toward her face to wipe away her tears with the pads of his thumbs, a gesture they each recalled fondly. With infinite tenderness, he said, “Aww, Doc.. please don’t cry.” His gentleness even elicted a slight smile from her and then he added, “Doc…. that’s not true…Believe me, I don’t know what’s going to happen any more than you do right now. One thing I do know is that… I still love you… and I’m not going to run from that any more, but Marlena… please… try to… understand.” She wanted to respond, but realized he had more to say, so she bit her lip to stop herself and waited for him to finish, as painful as it was.
Roman stopped to collect his thoughts, wanting to ensure he didn’t hurt her more than was dictated by the situation itself. After a long pause, he expressed the rest of it, “Doc…I can’t just.. turn off my feelings for her… It took a long time for me to open my heart to her… and even if… you and I.. get back together… it won’t be easy to let her go. I….. care about her too. We can’t pretend she doesn’t exist… that I didn’t fall in love with her. I’m sorry things happened the way they did, but we can’t run from that either.”
Now and then I lose my way
Using words to try and say
What I feel, yeah, love is real……
She nodded tearfully, trying to meet his gaze, but not wanting to see his love for Isabella or the pain she knew it caused him to say it so plainly to the woman whose death he’d mourned for five years. Finally, she was able to talk about it, “I know, Roman… it’s just so…hard. When we were.. together before… I was the only one.. you never even… looked around.. and I… ” Covering her mouth to contain the emotion, but being unsuccessful, she began to weep as she told him how she felt, “Oh… I can’t help it… I want it to be like that again, Roman! I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. I think I just… need to be.. alone for a little while, Roman, ” she cried as she turned her body away from him, feeling embarassed at her open display of emotion.
His heart broke for her… and he desperately wished that God would somehow suddenly make it allright… that he would turn back the clock five years and eliminate the dilemna altogether, that he could take away the pain all three of them were facing, but since that wasn’t possible, Roman knew he had to be there for Marlena when she needed him. Walking away while she cried was the last thing he should do, even if that were what she *said* she wanted.
Standing his ground, Roman said very softly, “No… Marlena..you’re too upset right now. Please… let me hold you.” He said it so sweetly that she found his request impossible to reject. But, she couldn’t speak either, so she nodded silently, a few more determined tears finding their way out of her eyes. As he tenderly wrapped his arms around her, she felt a little of the pain fading. His embrace was filled with love and comfort and it was almost like it used to be. For the moment, all of Roman’s attention was focused on her, not the other woman. Maybe, over time… she would have all of his heart, and all of his commitment as well. Until then.. being held when she needed it would have to do. How she loved to be wrapped safely and securely within his warm and tender embrace. Marlena sighed contentedly, relishing every moment of it, and she had the sense that he was too. At least it was a start, and a good one at that.
It seems to me
We can sail together
In and out of mystery…….
A few yards away, having carried their backpacks full of toys and books inside the cabin, Sami and Eric were watching their parents embrace, and talking about what they had been observing over the past day or so. “They sure do hug each other a lot, don’t they?” asked Eric, turning his gaze away from the lake down below them, and toward his parents.
Sami answered matter of factly, saying, “Yea… almost as much as Dad used to do with Isabella, before… Mom returned.”
“Sami… do you think Dad’s still gonna marry Isabella or stay with… Mom?” Eric, who wasn’t sure how he felt, asked curiously.
Sami answered, also not quite certain what she felt about it, saying, “I don’t know… I think he… well, it seems like he loves both of them. At least that’s what I heard Grandpa say to Grandma the other day… I don’t really understand.. do you?”
“Nope… and you know what.. I think it’s time for lunch… I’m hungry!” Eric said, enthusiastically changing the subject, as he headed off in the direction of his parents, who were still standing near the Jeep. They would have to quit hugging long enough to help him find something to eat.
“Me too!” agreed Sami, dismissing the concern as quickly as it had arisen, skipping along the path to catch up with her brother. They both had the sense this was going to be one interesting trip to the mountains, with lots of excitment and many potential changes in store by the time it was over.
I wanna be living for the love of you
All that I’m giving is for the love of you…..
The mid afternoon sun shone down upon the trees surrounding the small mountain lake, casting soft hazy shadows over the water, and the sunlight reflecting off the tops of the small waves sparkled like diamonds. It was as peaceful a setting as Marlena ever remembered, and her heart was filled with mirth, just to be alive and looking toward the water’s edge, to gaze upon the man she loved and their beautiful set of blond haired, blue eyed twins.
Roman was teaching Sami and Eric to fish, leaning down to help Eric bait his hook, giving gentle instruction in the ways of setting the hook and reeling in the catch. She watched him bend down slightly, ensuring he was making good eye contact with his small son and daughter. In that simple gesture, she saw so much of who he had become in the years she was gone from their lives. It was the essence of parenthood, being on their level, listening, looking, paying close attention. Roman was a wonderful father; he knew his children intimately, and he gave them all of himself. He knew that Sami was very tender and sensitive, that if he gave her so much as a stern look for some misbehavior, it could send her into a round of tears, while his boy sometimes needed a firmer brand of discipline. Roman also realized that Sami was the more impulsive one of the two, that she reacted quickly and often voiced her opinion immediately, while Eric was somewhat more reserved and less likely to express his feelings about the events in his life. Roman didn’t verbalize this understanding of his children, but he obviously sensed the differences intuitively and responded to each child in the way they needed, to teach, to motivate, and guide them on the right path.
In observing his interaction with the children, Marlena could see how much he had changed, the ways in which he had grown in the years she was gone from his life. Roman wasn’t trying to control or cajole the children into doing things his way, as he had done with his younger brother Bo on so many occasions when she first met him. At the time, he seemed to want to impart his wisdom from the lofty position as older brother, and it never worked, many interactions ending with harsh angry words being exchanged. But, this was different; Roman was simply loving Sami and Eric as they were, in the way they each needed to be loved, and they responded well to that approach.
Although she enjoyed watching the three of them, acknowledging the close bond that had developed in her absence made her feel the loss of time more acutely. She had missed so many of these simple moments of all their lives. Marlena wasn’t there to share the joys of parenting with her husband, or for their children when they learned to walk, and then to run, or when they started to talk. She didn’t get to take care of them when their two year molars came in, or share their excitement when they were old enough to put a tooth under their pillows, hoping the tooth fairy would come in the night. She missed their first day of school… snuggling up together by a fire on a snowy winter’s night… days they spent learning to ride a bike, fun filled summer afternoons at the park or the beach.. just like this one… So many moments missed because of some elaborate design for evil she and Roman had yet to uncover. If she allowed herself to dwell on it too long or too deeply, she felt very angry about what had been stolen from her, and from her husband and children as well. Marlena felt robbed and she had been… robbed of five years; five years of sharing her life with the people she loved, and she wasn’t about to waste any more time. This was *her* family and she was going to get it back, come hell or high water. She didn’t like the fact that Isabella was going to be hurt, but she couldn’t let her feelings of sorrow for the other woman deter her on her quest to reclaim her life and those from whom she’d been unwillingly separated for so long.
Sensing he was being watched, Roman looked up and her eyes met his brilliant blue orbs, the mere sight of which could nearly make her swoon. She smiled at him and communicated soundlessly.. all that she had been thinking about his skills as a father to their children. He saw in those glistening hazel eyes, such admiration and respect and a depth of love that he could only have imagined. Roman found himself blushing slightly with nervousness as she began to walk slowly down the gentle slope of the hill toward the water’s edge, her alluring gaze never wandering from his.
When she arrived, he held out his free arm and drew her in close to his body, saying, “Having fun yet, Doc?” with a warm inviting expression on his handsome and slightly sunburned face.
She sighed contentedly, “Mmm hmm.. I was just watching you with the kids,” she said glancing over at them. They were a few yards away, thoroughly entranced with fishing. Satisfied to be in his arms, she said after a pause, “You know… I haven’t really had a chance to tell you, but you’re wonderful with them, Roman. You’re a terrific father.”
Roman smiled gratefully and blushed a little at the compliment, saying, “Thank you, Marlena.. that means a lot coming from you. I’ve done my best.”
“Well, I admire you… you’ve done a great job with them. They’re so.. beautiful and sweet, so..kind, loving, and considerate.”
His expression embodied the same love and respect he saw in hers, and he said while glancing admiringly at the twins, “Well, if that’s true, it’s not all my doing. They’ve got a lot of you in them, Doc… I could use all those words and more to describe their mother.” Returning his gaze to the woman nestled comfortably in his arms, he added with great sincerity, “We’ve missed you, Marlena… you can never really know how much. There were so many times I wished I could talk to you.. to ask you for your advice on how to handle them, what to say or do in certain circumstances. You always knew, Doc.”
Marlena felt her heart swell and her cheeks flush a flattering shade of pink, to hear him say such loving words about her. “Oh.. Roman..” she sighed, feeling loved and valued. Shaking her head to disagree, she said, “No..not always.. and it’s good to know I was missed, but you really do need to take some credit. You’ve done a tremendous job of raising them by yourself. Just say thank you, Roman,” she said, only half teasing.
“Thank you Roman,” he replied with the old familiar twinkle in his eye, winking at the same time as he reached out with the knuckles of his right hand, brushing her cheek lightly as a sign of affection.
“Oh.. you..” she said, as she punched him playfully on the arm.
The way she was smiling took him back in time and his heart filled with love and desire for his wife. The kids were well occupied and it was the perfect opportunity. Without any warning whatsoever, he followed his impulse, dropped the fishing pole and swept her into his arms, capturing her mouth in a tender yet fiery kiss. The fervent movements of his tongue inside her mouth and the deft touch of his fingers in her hair and on her face and neck aroused her swiftly and she moaned with rising desire. Roman’s right hand made its way down from her slender shoulders to her lower back and beyond, while the left continued to cradle her face, holding it in place as he deepened the kiss, his own internal fire burning several degrees hotter within a matter of seconds.
As their bodies began to recall a legacy of lovemaking, their hearts beating rapidly, their breathing quickened… the spell was broken by the gleeful sounds of two young voices shouting, “Daddy.. daddy, I got one!”
“Daddy, come quick, Eric caught a fish!”
“I caught a fish, Daddy Come see..come see!!” Eric shouted excitedly, when his father didn’t arrive instantly.
When the intimate contact ended, Roman and Marlena were breathless, and so exchanged another unspoken message of love with their eyes. Things were changing fast and they both knew it, even if the words had not been said. Roman was surprised and unnerved by the speed at which his heart seemed to be turning toward Marlena, but she wasn’t. These passionate moments were all she’d dreamed of since the instant she’d awakened from her five year rest. Her sigh was filled with delight and a heightened sense of confidance in a future with the man she loved. She knew it even if Roman couldn’t yet acknowledge it. Day by day, moment by tiny moment… they were growing closer and their love, which had lain dormant throughout the long cold winter, was now blossoming in the warmth of the summer sun.
As Roman allowed his heart and soul to open up and let the memories return, she was beginning to fill the empty spaces left by the sudden, gutwrenching loss of her loving presence in his life. It was that simple and that complex. Marlena Evans filled a void no one else could fill. He loved Isabella and had his wife not returned, he could have gone on to live a long and happy life with her, but what he felt for Marlena was deeper and more complete, more intense and more ultimately satisfying than what he experienced with the other woman. Though it was difficult for him to admit and accept, he was beginning to recognize that basic truth about himself and the woman to whom he had first fully surrendered his heart and soul. That was what Marlena felt in the kiss he had just so deliciously planted on her unsuspecting, but welcoming lips. Her warmhearted assuring countenace told him she understood the reality he wasn’t quite prepared to face, and also that she would wait until he was ready.
Nevertheless, he couldn’t express any of that out loud, and neither could she. It wasn’t the right time or the right place. Roman smiled hesitantly and shyly averted his gaze, still uncertain of what the future held in store, or how to express what was in his heart and mind just before he embraced her so passionately, or during the kiss for that matter. All he managed to say was, “I uh…I better.. help him with the fish,” as he took a quick step toward the twins.
She nodded and smiled at his apprehension, but didn’t say anything at first. Marlena spoke to him with her eyes again, telling him that they could talk about the kiss later on, when the kids were in bed. Finally, she said with enthusiasm, “Yes.. by all means.. go help our son reel in the big catch.”
As Marlena looked on, Roman grasped the fishing rod, helping his son crank the reel and bring in his catch. When the task was accomplished, the young boy held the fish up in the air, saying proudly, “Look Mom! Look at my fish! It’s huge!”
It was glorious to see her child be so pleased with his efforts. “Oh… sweety, I’m so proud of you… You did a great job, honey.. Daddy taught you so well,” she added, her voice touched with adoration.
Sami, who was feeling left out, had to make a comment too, “Yea… Daddy teaches us everything.. he’s the best Daddy in the whole wide world!”
Marlena beamed as she slipped up next to Roman again, placed her arm around his waist and gazed tenderly into his shining eyes. Then she nodded her head and said intently, “Yes…he really is.. isn’t he?”
Eric, who was thrilled to have caught a fairly large bass, grinned and agreed wholeheartedly, as he raised his right hand for a high five, “Yea… he’s the best! Thanks, Dad!”
“You’re welcome, Eric,” Roman said quietly, after extending his right hand for the exchange of high fives. Then to Marlena he whispered… “Thank you, Doc… hearing you say those things about me means more than I can tell you. I… love you.”
She whispered the same in return, glad to hear him say it again, “And l love you… now and forever.” In response, he grinned and put his arms out, collecting them all into a group hug and the four of them suddenly felt like a family again. For the first time since Marlena’s return, they truly felt comfortable as a gathering of four. Unconsciously, they all recognized that they couldn’t recapture the past but they could stake their claim on a happy future. The Brady family was going to spend some special time together at this picturesque lakeside retreat, and at the very least it was to be the beginning of many new adventures. Of that much they were certain.
I hear music when I look at you
A beautiful theme
Of every dream I ever knew……..
At last, night had fallen all around the cabin in the woods and the children were snuggled up safely in their sleeping bags on the cots in their room, giving Roman and Marlena some time alone. It was a beautiful summer’s evening, the sky full of bright and shining stars. Even though it had become fairly obvious throughout the day that they both felt the need to talk about their relationship and the way it was headed, there was a sense of nervous tension that filled the air as they sat down on the rustic looking sofa on the front porch, each holding a cup of coffee. Thankfully, they had brought along a radio/cassette player and among the tapes, Marlena had found a Frank Sinatra recording of several classic romantic tunes, one of which was The Song Is You.
As they both allowed the melody to tickle their ears, Roman sighed tiredly and made a comment about the kids to start things off, “They sure do have a lot of energy, don’t they?”
“Yes they do… they wore me out. How on earth do you manage to keep up with them, Roman?” she asked incredulously.
He slumped down into the couch a little further and said, “I’ll let you in on a little secret… I’m beat too… They can run circles around me, Doc…I just try not to let them know it. I collapse in bed at night sometimes.”
“No… not Roman Brady… the invincible…. I don’t believe it for a second, ” she teased, smiling mischieviously and giving him a playful shove.
He laughed lightly saying, “Yea, right…well anyway….. how are you feeling? Are you enjoying yourself, Doc… do you feel closer to.. the kids?” It was gone for a second and then as he hesitated in saying the kids, instead of himself, it was back. That tension, that sense that something important was about to happen at any given moment; it was there waiting in the wings.
Sighing contentedly, she said, “It’s been wonderful so far, Roman.. thank you so much for doing this. I know that.. it wasn’t easy for you.. telling…”
Placing one fingertip over her lips, he gently interrupted her comments, “Shh… don’t say it. It’s okay.. the whole thing was my idea. I wanted to take this trip… I wanted us to find out.. what there is between us.”
Down deep in my heart, I hear it play
I feel it start then melt away………
An awkward silence followed, neither knowing quite what to say about the fun-filled day and the very passionate kiss he’d initiated. Marlena was the one who finally felt brave enough to bring it up, “Well, speaking of that… you kissed me, Roman… and I’d like to talk about what it meant.. because I want us to be very clear on things.” She gazed at him adoringly and reached out to take his hand. That simple contact, as well as the look in her eyes made his heart swell with emotions he thought he’d locked away forever. It was an amazing sensation to experience their return so swiftly following Marlena’s reappearance.
I hear music when I touch your hand
A beautiful melody from some enchanted land……..
Suddenly, Roman was captivated by the way her eyes sparkled in the soft glow cast upon her by the moonlight, the way her hair glistened.. and he found her words soon began to fade into the background in favor of the picture of loveliness before him. Then there was the romantic song that was playing, as if written especially for them on this particular night. She was talking about the kiss, and their relationship in general, where it was headed.. However, all he could focus on was her dazzling beauty.
The next thing he knew, she was punching him on the arm. “Ow… what was that for?” he yelped, recalling almost immediately how sexy she always was when she was irritated with him about something.
“For not listening to me… Roman, you were..” She stopped in mid-sentence, realizing that wherever he’d gone before.. he was right back there again. His face bore a dreamy expression… It was so.. familiar to her. Suddenly, she knew… it was the way he looked at her on their wedding day… and on that day in the park on their honeymoon. “Oh… Roman,” she sighed quietly, “You do love me.”
After another moment or two.. he seemed to come to full awareness again, saying, “Huh? What? I’m sorry, Doc… I wasn’t listening.. I uh… got distracted there for a minute.. what were you saying?” he asked, sitting up straight and working hard to focus on something other than the wondrous beauty in front of him.
“Oh… nothing, Roman… you know.. I think I’ll just go get ready for bed now… how about you?”
He was taken aback, thinking she was aching to talk about the kiss he’d planted on her unsuspecting lips. Though he didn’t know exactly what he was going to say to her about it, retiring to their separate sleeping quarters was the last thing he wanted to do. “Bed? You mean… you want to go to sleep… when we have so much to…talk about?”
Down deep in my heart, I hear it say
Is this the day…….
Exaggerating a yawn, she said, “Oh… I know we do.. but, I’m so tired, Roman… the kids really wore me out.. I’m afraid I’m going to fall asleep sitting up. I’ll be right back with my pj’s on,” she said with a sly smile he didn’t quite pick up on. He was still fixated on figuring out where he’d read her incorrectly, reviewing the conversation in his head. ‘It must have been when I tuned her out because she was looking so beautiful that I couldn’t help but stare at her… maybe she thinks I’m not interested.. maybe I blew it.. Oh, great Roman… way to go.. Now, she thinks you don’t even care enough to listen to her… that’s just great!’ he yelled at himself as she slipped soundlessly out of the room.
In the restroom, Marlena was busy making herself look as pretty as she knew how… washing her face… putting on a touch of makeup and a dab of perfume… and the finishing touch.. the very tasteful but also very sexy white nightgown she had brought along. Satisifed with her appearance, she placed her robe over the gown, put on her furry and distinctly not very attractive slippers, so as not to tip her hand, and then stepped back out of the restroom.
I alone have heard this lovely strain
I alone have heard this glad refrain……
Roman appeared to be lost in thought… ‘Probably trying to makes sense of my apparent change of heart, no doubt’ she said to herself, as a warm smile of anticipation graced her pretty face.
Even in an old terry cloth robe, she was stunning and Roman found his breath catching in his throat as he tried to speak to her. Finally, he managed to say, “Woah.. Doc… even in that beat up old robe, you’re so.. beautiful!”
Hearing him talk about her like that was more proof of the love he was feeling for her again. She found herself enraptured by him, as he was with her. He was as handsome as ever, his body lean and muscular as she remembered it, his hair just as dark and thick, his brilliant blue eyes as intoxicating as always. Roman crossed the distance between them, saying nervously, “Marlena… I’m really sorry about… fading out on you eariler.. I uh.. I.. was just.. thinking about how… little you’ve changed, Doc.” As he spoke, she began to open her robe, revealing her shapely figure..
He subdued a gasp and tried to continue, but found himself fighting a losing battle to maintain his train of thought as his eyes fixed on her heavenly body, “You’re uh… even more beautiful than ever before and I… I uh… lost my concentration for a minute.. that’s all. I hope I didn’t upset you because….”
Rather than let him rattle on, she finished removing the robe in one swift motion, an act which rendered him completely speechless. His eyes went wide open and his jaw almost hit the floor, as his mind and body tried to react to the incredible image of natural beauty standing before him. Roman felt his heart begin to race; his breathing quickened and he labored to stay upright, she was so incredible looking in the silky fabric that flattered her ample curves.
With an enticing whisper, she said as she came nearer, “Roman…. honey… I’d like to talk about that kiss now… how about you?”
He could barely put two coherent thoughts together, but somehow managed to tell her what he was feeling at the time, “Uh… yea… sure… I.. uh, I just… looked over at you.. I was feeling so… close to you and I.. followed my impulse.”
Slowly and deliberately, she stepped even closer. After dropping the robe off her shoulders, she ran her hands up and down his chest, then leaned in to whisper in his ear, “And how about now… Are you.. experiencing any.. impulses right now, Roman?”
He swallowed hard, not able to think clearly at all, as his body began to respond even more powerfully. “I…. uh.. oh..Doc.. I.. don’t think we should….” he tried to say as she threaded his hair with her fingers and blew on his neck.
Must it be forever inside of me
Why can’t I let it go
Why can’t I let you know…….
She wasn’t going to let it end that easily; she knew he loved and wanted her. “Why not… you’re my husband… and you love me… what’s the problem, Roman?” she asked, making him think about his true feelings.
Still struggling to cogitate, he said, “The problem is…. uh.. it’s…” he was saying as she began to unfasten the buttons on his chambray shirt. As she undid each button, she leaned in for a kiss and it was all he could do to maintain control of his body. Just breathing in the sweet and sensuous aroma of her perfume was enough to make him dizzy with desire, let alone what her soft moist kisses and her tender touch were doing to him.
“What were you saying, honey? Earlier today.. you told me that you loved me and that you weren’t going to run from the moments when you felt something for me…. Do you feel something for me now, Roman?” she said, in another breathless whisper.
Marlena was making it virtually impossible for him to resist her advances. She knew just what to do to arouse him and he found himself lost in sensation… his body aching to meld in ecstasy with her… his breathing was becoming more and more ragged with the need of her. His heart pounded inside his chest and his pants were suddenly much too tight. “Oh… Doc.. yes.. I do… I want you.. I want you so much! But, I…”
“But what, Roman.. you are my husband and I love you… and you have admitted that you still love me too… Let me make you feel good.. let me help you remember how good we were, Roman… how special our time together could be… “
She was nibbling on his ears and running her hands all over his body, up and down his back, rubbing the area around his zipper… a move that made him moan with desire.. “Oh.. Marlena… please.. stop.. I’m not.. ready.” Even as he said those words, there was a part of him that knew it wasn’t really true. He *was* ready, but he was afraid.. Afraid that if he let go… he would fall hard and fast again and then someone or something would snatch her, something from his unremembered past would come along and cause her to be taken from him again. That was in large part why he was hesitating; he knew he simply couldn’t bear to go through that again.
Why can’t I let you know
The song my heart would sing
That beautiful rhapsody
Of love and youth and Spring………
She was becoming breathless too… her desire rising as she heard his breathing change, and felt his body responding to her touch. “Yes… you are, Roman… you’re ready… you know in your heart that it’s me you love… that it’s me you want to share your life with.. and me that you want to make love to… Let’s do that, Roman… let’s share our love again…”
She kissed him before he could answer, and the rapid flickering movements of her tongue all around his made him tremble with the aching passion that begged to be fully expressed. “Mmm… Oh.. Doc!” he cried, as his body progressed further along the path toward lovemaking.
The music is sweet, the words are true
The song is you…….
“Oh… Doc… it feels so good..” He wasn’t resisting her at all now. He was held captive by all she was doing, falling under her spell completely. She took his hand and guided him toward the bedroom. Once inside, she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him again; it was a fiery kiss, full of heated passion and then she unfastened his belt buckle, releasing some of the tension he was feeling there. Roman moaned in anticipatory pleasure as she helped him off with his pants and then proceeded to take off his undershorts. Within another second or two he was standing naked before her at the foot of the bed, except for his socks. He was almost panting, feeling an urgent need to take her, and yet he was essentially paralyzed, mesmerized by everything she was saying and doing, but especially by her bold sensuality. This was a departure from their past when he had initiated their lovemaking most of the time. “Roman… honey.. I lost five years….no.. *we* had five years stolen from us, five long years when we could have been together. I don’t want to waste any more of our time… do you?”
All he could do at this point was shake his head slightly… realizing as he did so that he was surrendering himself to her commanding presence. She had taken total control and he could no longer find a reason to deny what he felt, “No… No, I don’t…I don’t want to waste any more time, Doc…”
The knowing expression on her face was delightful, and she said as she leaned in close to blow in his ear and kiss his neck as her hands began to rove all over his muscular physique once again, “Good… then.. let me… make love to you, Roman… let me please you…. I want you to remember it all, how it felt to be in my arms, how your body felt when we kissed… and what it was like when I touched you… Let me love you tonight, Roman… right here and right now.” Her hands were massaging him in a way that removed all thoughts from his mind in favor of the burning sensation in his groin… And then she kissed him again… her lips lingering less than an inch from his for a moment or two, her tongue teasing him… not letting him capture her mouth as he wanted.. He was utterly helpless under her powers of persuasion; sweat beads were popping out on his forehead and on his chest, the moisture generated by his internal fire, the temperature rising rapidly.
I hear music when I look at you
A beautiful theme
Of every dream I ever knew……
Again… he only nodded and she gently pushed him down onto the bed, straddling his body as they went down in unison. Roman was in shock and all he could manage was a desire filled stare of admiration and astonishment as he looked up at her wonderfully made body still clad in the sexy nightgown. He raised his hands slightly toward her, as if to remove it, but she shook her head, pinning them down for a moment. Roman left his hands where she put them as she moved with agonizing slowness to take off the last item of clothing for herself. By the time she was pulling it over her head, he could no longer resist his impulses and captured her breasts in his mouth, first one and then the other… using his tongue to arouse her. Her sharp intake of breath and the soft moaning that followed were enough to bring a slightly triumphant smile to his face as well. “Oh… Roman.. Roman… I love you.”
“I love you too, Doc.. ” he was saying as he prepared to enter her heavenly body and take them on a magical journey into a place called sheer ecstasy, in some ways still uncertain of what the future held in store…
I hear music when I touch your hand
A beautiful melody from some enchanted land
Down deep in my heart, I hear it say
Is this the day…..
Just as they were immersed in the throws of heated passion, a familiar sound broke the quiet stillness of the night……
Romance is a game for fools, I used to say
A game I thought I’d never play
Romance is a game for fools I said and grinned
Then you passed by and here am I
Throwing caution to the wind…….
The music continued to play in the background, the smooth romantic ballads sung by Old Blue Eyes serenading them as their bodies moved in time toward the peak of pleasure. It was an awesome force, the connection between Roman and Marlena and they were thoroughly enraptured by the love they were making. Marlena knew that if they made love, he would never go forward with his commitment to Isabella. He would be forced to fully recognize his everlasting love for her instead. After demonstrating the power of that bond in this way, he would look inward, searching himself, and then soon he would be compelled to embrace the deep and abiding love that still remained in his heart for his beloved wife. As painful and difficult as it was for him to do, he would eventually go to his “fiance” and tell her their relationship was over.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread
And so I come to you, my love
My heart above my head……
Roman had a fleeting thought about it being wrong for him.. he had vowed not to share himself in such intimacy until he had made his choice and he wasn’t ready for that, was he? It had been such a short time since Marlena’s return… How could he forsake Isabella so quickly? He loved her deeply, didn’t he? Did that love so pale in comparison to his love for Marlena that in roughly a week’s time he was with the so-called other woman in this love triangle scenario. The questions swirled around in his head, but the desire was so strong and Marlena’s seduction so effective that he couldn’t hold the thoughts for more than a second at a time. He was becoming lost in the enticing fiery sensations she was stimulating in his body with her kisses and her tender touch. She knew just what to do to arouse him, to tease him, to make him surrender all control to her. “Oh.. Doc!” he cried, still not quite certain it was allright to be with her sexually so soon after her reappearance in his life. It was so confusing, but he couldn’t resist her advances and found himself letting go, immersing himself in the feelings and in the love he thought was long dead and buried. It was at the same time frightening and amazing to feel so much for her so quickly…..
Though I see
There’s danger there
If there’s a chance for me
Then I don’t care…..
Whatever the doubts, he found it impossible to resist her charms and was giving up his last vestiges of control when a shrill sound pierced the quiet stillness of the night, ending their time of passion.
“DADDY!! Daddy come quick!” It was Eric and he was screaming in a way that told them there was no time to waste. It wasn’t a simple nightmare, something serious was happening.
After pausing for one second in acknowledgement of what almost happened between them, Roman pulled on his sweats and raced to the children’s bedroom to find Eric holding his sister’s limp body in his tiny arms.. “Something’s wrong with Sami, Dad! She was dreaming and I tried to wake her up, but she’s real hot and sweaty,” he explained anxiously.
Fools rush in where wise men never go
But wise men never fall in love
So, how are they to know……
Within seconds, Marlena had donned her robe and was there at Sami’s bedside taking a temperature and making a cursory examination which Roman appreciated more than he could say at the moment. He looked on admiringly as she demonstrated her skills as a physician, yet another aspect of her that commanded his respect. His eyes asked the unspoken question, which she answered. “I don’t know why yet, but she’s running a very high fever… and the first thing we’ve got to do is to try to get it down… Roman.. could you get the cooler… gather all the ice you can.. I’ll carry her to the tub. Hurry!” she implored, knowing that every moment mattered.
Roman didn’t hesitate for even a second, racing into the other room to get the cooler and dragging it in to the bathroom. After removing the food and cans, he dumped the entire contents into the tub… all of it was cold and should help. Just as he finished, Marlena arrived with Sami’s still form, placing her gently into the frigid waters. Within moments, their girl was beginning to thrash around and cry out, “It’s cold.. it’s so cold… Take me out of here.. take me out!”
Marlena was calm and reassuring as she and Roman moved to hold her, “Honey… you have a high fever… we need to get it down quickly.. it’s going to be okay… just a little longer… it’s going to be okay..”
“I’m scared Daddy… I’m so scared! What’s wrong with me?” Sami asked pleadingly.
“I don’t know peanut.. I’m not sure.. but Mar….. your Mother is gonna try to figure it out once we get your fever down a bit.. okay?” he responded worriedly but trying to give reassurance at the same time, holding her closer.
“Okay….. okay, Daddy… I’ll try to be.. brave,” Sami said, squelching a whimper.
“It’s allright sweety.. you can cry if you want to… it’s okay…” Marlena offered comfortingly. With that their little girl burst into a round of tears during which Marlena calmed and soothed her by speaking softly while helping Roman hold her in a loving embrace. Within a fairly short time, their little girl’s sobs subsided and her temperature seemed to be coming down somewhat.
Eric was looking on with fear and had to ask, “Don’t you know what’s wrong with her? She was so hot…”
Marlena tried to explain the situation as she knew it, squeezing his hand and saying, “No.. sweety, I’m sorry, but I don’t know yet… I’m going to keep working on that after the ice bath to bring down her temperature… alright?”
Roman got in on the act as well, asking his young daughter, “Honey… can you tell Daddy.. do you have any pain anywhere?”
“Yea… my stomach kind of hurts… it’s been kinda achy… and queasy this afternoon… I thought it was eating too many cookies. I…uh, snuck a couple of extras.. I’m sorry.”
“Oh.. that’s allright, they were really good weren’t they?” Marlena asked, not needing an answer at all.
Sami and Eric smiled about it and Sami replied with a smile, “Yea… Grandma Alice always makes good cookies…. She gives us some whenever she makes them.”
“Yes… she’s one special lady that Alice Horton..” Roman agreed readily.
Marlena smiled in fond remembrance of some of their times together. She loved the older woman very much and was so glad she would soon have time to spend with Alice… to get all caught up with the goings on in Salem during her prolonged absence. “Oh… yes she is… She believes that true love always wins out in the end.. what about you, Roman?”
“Yes… I..uh.. I believe that it does,” was all he could say, as a weak smile came to his face. It was too much to think about at the moment and his head was still spinning from the turn of events, though a part of him knew theirs was the kind of love to which Alice referred.
The song that had been playing was finishing up as they were getting Sami up out of the tub and wrapping a towel around their little girl’s now chilled body. The lyrics seemed to echo their general sentiments, as did the previous one.
When we met
I felt my life begin
So open up your heart
And let this fool rush in……
Marlena caught Roman’s eye and they exchanged a silent communication, signifying their recognition that something very important had taken place a short time earlier. Whether they had completed their lovemaking or not, the experience was something that couldn’t be explained away as a mere moment of passion, an aberration in their behavior. No, it was much more than that; it was an indication of the permanent bond of love that stretched between them. Roman met her gaze for a second or too, then had to look away. It was too much for him to take in all at once. He needed time… it had been such a short while since Marlena’s return and he was engaged to another woman, a woman he loved very much.. How could he just walk away from that commitment without a moment’s hesitation? There were so many unanswered questions, so many issues to be resolved. And now… there was his little girl and her fever to be concerned about.
This is a lovely way to spend an evening
Can’t think of anything I’d rather do…….
Eric and Sami were finally settled back down to sleep, Sami’s fever was down significantly and she was resting comfortably after having vomited a couple of times. Though Marlena believed it was a mild case of the flu and that she would be a little better in the morning, Roman and Marlena planned to monitor the situation very carefully, and since both were still running on adrenaline they decided to stay up together for awhile. The CD played still another romantic tune that simply pleaded with them to dance. As the song began, they looked at each other and it was a foregone conclusion. Both in robes and stocking feet, they stood up and began to sway back and forth, allowing their concern for Sami to disappear momentarily in favor of the smooth melody that surrounded them. Before she knew it, Roman was gliding her gracefully around the hardwood flooring of the cabin in the woods. Dancing was something she had always enjoyed immensely. This was especially nice after the stress of worrying about Sami….
This is a lovely way to spend an evening
Can’t think of anyone as lovely as you……
An awkward silence descended upon them as they danced. It was hanging there in the air between them… air that was thick with angst about what was to follow. Finally, Roman spoke, “Marlena… about what happened earlier… I… uh…” was all he could say to begin with and it brought a satisfied smile to her face. She knew he didn’t have a logical, rational explanation for it, as he would have liked. Roman was shaken up…. confused, and above all.. he was still very much in love with his wife, of that she had no more doubts. In her mind, it was only a matter of time before he allowed himself to fully embrace the love that existed between them. She could wait and occasionally help it along as necessary.
“It’s okay… we almost made love.. you can say it, Roman. I’m glad… because I know what it means. It’s fairly simple you know.. it means that we love each other and we wanted to show each other that love.”
He started to protest and then realized that would only hurt her. What could he say about it? That it was a mistake? How could he say that? He did… love her and he hadn’t refused her advances… he had allowed her to seduce him… What *did* it all mean? Was he truly ready to let go of Isabella.. so soon? It was slightly overwhelming and he found that his head was beginning to ache from overload. Marlena saw the tension in his face and reached up to begin massaging his temples, another move he did not resist. Her touch was amazing; it had such healing qualities and he moaned and sighed as the tension seemed to fade slightly, “Ah… Oh, Marlena… the things you do to me,” he said, bedazzled by her effect on him. It had been so long, but still she worked such magic. Muscle memory they called it. In another moment, they were kissing… a move initiated by both of them at about the same time. Passions began to flare again as they continued their dance of love…..
A casual stroll through a garden
A kiss by a lazy lagoon
Catching a breath of moonlight
Humming a favorite tune……..
Roman drew back to look at his wife and paused to consider the enormity of what had happened. It was literally a miracle that she had returned and he still wasn’t quite sure what to make of it; things were changing so fast, leaving him feeling dizzy and uncertain. Without warning, the images of her “death” flashed inside his mind and he shuddered noticeably as he saw the plane going down. Marlena felt his body shiver and tense and she touched him on the cheek to redirect his attention, but he didn’t respond. “Roman..honey.. what is it, what’s wrong?” she asked worriedly.
Smiling weakly, unable to completely shake the feelings off, he said somewhat absently, “Oh… nothing, just remembered something, I’m.. fine.”
Realizing that wasn’t true at all by his nonverbals, she tried again, speaking softly, “No… it wasn’t nothing… what was it, honey?”
He sighed exhaustedly, and said, “I…uh… I flashed on the memories of watching your plane go down, Doc… That was the worst moment of my life.. God, I was so… ” He stopped mid-sentence, shaking his head and stepping away for a moment, overcome by the emotions evoked by those painful images from the past. There weren’t words to describe the sense of utter helplessness and devastation that figuratively slammed him to the ground as he watched her plunging toward certain death. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he kept thinking that getting closer to her meant he could lose her and then he would feel that agony again. Roman never wanted to feel that kind of gutwrenching, soul piercing pain, not ever again. He would do almost anything to avoid it. Maybe that was why he was holding back… ‘Oh, I don’t know!’ he said in the privacy of his mind.
She followed him and placed her arms around him from behind, saying with great tenderness as her eyes filled with empathetic tears, “Oh.. honey… that must have been horrible for you.. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.”
The more he thought about it, the more the guilt mixed with the other feelings and he tried to tell her what happened, thinking she must hold out some blame or resentment that he had given up, though she had continually given no indication she felt that way. In fact, it was quite the opposite; she had been encouraging him to forgive himself. “You can’t imagine, Doc… what it was like… My mind kept trying to come up with some way you could have survived… that the crash was staged. I didn’t want to believe you were dead… you know that… and I tried so hard… but after awhile… I had to accept it… Everybody said so…” Finally, turning toward her he said with great emotion, “But I shouldn’t have listened.. I shouldn’t have believed them. I should have kept looking until I found you. I’m so sorry, Doc!” he cried out, ashamed of himself for letting go of what was supposed to an indestructible bond.
Reaching out to caress his face, wiping away an escaped tear or two, she said with compassion, “Oh… sweety… please stop torturing yourself about this. You couldn’t have known, Roman… no one could have known. You have to forgive yourself for accepting the truth as you knew it and moving on. Roman it’s been five years… I don’t blame you… really I don’t. I love you… I just want to love you.”
“Don’t you see, Doc.. that’s the whole problem right there! You love me.. and you expected to come home to me… to our children, to our home… to the family you left behind, but I didn’t wait! I moved on… and I didn’t give you the homecoming you deserved… I couldn’t just.. commit to you. ” Shaking his head, he said with profound regret, “I’ve hurt you… and that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.. but I can’t fix it… I can’t make it so nobody gets hurt!”
He was in such anguish over it and as much as she was hurt by the situation, she wanted to do or say something to ease his suffering. That was what true love was all about… holding each other up, trying to lift each other’s spirits. “Roman… please don’t be so hard on yourself about this. You haven’t done anything wrong and you haven’t done anything but make me feel welcome… you’ve had me move home, you brought me up here to spend some special time away.. Roman, honey.. you’ve been wonderful with me and I love you for it. Please… let’s try to pick up where we left off before.” Unexpectedly, she blurted out what she really wanted, “Roman, please make love to me… I know you wanted to… or you would have stopped me.”
This is a lovely way to spend an evening
I want to save all my nights and spend them with you…….
He was only slightly taken aback by her request, responding hesitantly, careful not to hurt her feelings, if that were possible in such a delicate situation, “You know I love you, Doc, but… I want to be able to give you all of myself… When we make love, I want it to be without any doubts, without any reservations. What happened before was… amazing and I loved it, but…”
“But you still love Isabella..” she said sadly, feeling rejected, stepping away from him. Her desire was strong and she needed to put some distance between them in order to cool it.
Unsure whether he should touch her, he honored her decision to step away, saying, “Marlena… I’m sorry if this hurts you, but you wouldn’t want me to lie about it. You have to know that…. she wasn’t just… a substitute. It’s like you said, it was five years… and I… fell in love with her, Doc. She loves me very much too. Do you really expect me to turn my back and just walk away from her like what we shared meant nothing?” he asked, finally putting a hand on her shoulder to turn her body toward him.
Her frustration flared swiftly and she pulled away from him again, raising her voice as she answered him, “I don’t know.. I don’t know! I just know that I love you as much or more than ever and I *need* you!” In the next moment, she was crying and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Honey, I believe that.. what we shared was so.. amazing, so special… that it was magical and we could… we could have that back, if you would just… take down the walls that separate us. Roman… if you open up and search your heart, you’ll find that its me you really love, that it’s me, your wife, that you want to spend the rest of your life with!” she finished with passion.
Roman sighed tiredly, wishing they could avoid this heated confrontation; he had been hoping it wouldn’t come so soon. “Oh, Marlena… let’s not do this… let’s just dance and enjoy each other’s company for awhile and sort this out later.”
“No… I can’t do that, Roman… because being close to you is… it’s…” She stopped mid-sentence, not wanting to be that vulnerable, that needy. She didn’t want him to make love to her because he felt sorry for her in some way. That was worst thing that could happen. “Never mind…I’m really tired… I’ll see you in the morning,” she said curtly as tears began to fall, her pain and her frustration with him glaringly obvious.
As she began to storm off, he pleaded with her, his voice suddenly and unexpectedly shaky with emotion, “Oh… Doc, don’t do this.. please… don’t walk away angry… I’m doing.. the best that I can…. I don’t want to.. hurt you… but I can’t just… leave her… without thinking about it first. I’m sorry!” He was on the verge of tears, torn up about what to do… He cared deeply for both women and yet he was hurting them. It had only been a week or so, but it felt like an eternity, as each time he parted ways with either of them, they were upset, usually crying. It nearly killed him to see them weep because of their love for him.
Suddenly, it occurred to her that she wasn’t being fair to him… Roman was caught in an impossible situation and she kept telling him she understood and then ripped him apart for being torn between the two of them. She rushed across the room and hugged him tightly to her body, crying at the same time. “Oh.. honey… no, I’m sorry… this is all pretty confusing, isn’t it? I keep telling you that I understand and that I’ll give you time and then I make demands of you… Please forgive me?”
With moist eyes, he nodded and said quietly, “You know I will. I do love you, Doc..”
“I know that… and I guess that has to be enough for now.” They held each other in silence as a few salty droplets fell from their eyes. After a couple more minutes, Marlena was feeling more relaxed, and she spoke to him again, asking sweetly, “Roman… would you dance with me?”
He smiled and said, “Why of course… the pleasure’s all mine,” he said as he took her left hand in his right and held her gently in his arms. Within a few moments, they were once again immersed in the soft romantic strains of a classic crooner, allowing themselves to do what Roman had said earlier, to enjoy their time alone together, for as long as it lasted. In truth, that was all one really had anyway. Learning to enjoy the moment at hand was quite an art indeed.
This is a lovely way to spend an evening
Can’t think of anything I’d rather do
This is a lovely way to spend an evening
Can’t think of anyone as lovely as you……..
Roman guided them effortlessly around the cabin, their special dance transporting them to another place, another lifetime. All the pain and pressure seemed to float right out of sight, the music and the movement allowing them to become lost in sensation for awhile. Marlena sighed with a mixture of pleasure and relief and Roman responded in kind, a soft moan escaping his lips, as he finally relaxed into the dance. It was a truly wonderful time…..
A causal stroll through a garden
And a kiss by a lazy lagoon
Catching a breath of moonlight
Humming a favorite tune
This is a lovely way to spend an evening
I want to save all my nights and spend them with you
I will spend them all with you…..
The sun was beginning to rise, the birds were singing a sweet song, the bugs were buzzing… it was a picture perfect day in the woods. Roman woke up feeling invigorated and ready to play, excited about a little surprise he had been cooking up, pleased he’d kept it to himself until he knew it would work out. He hoped Sami was up to it and went to check on the kids as soon as he awakened. She was sleeping soundly, and he checked her forehead.. it wasn’t hot.. Maybe she was okay and he could carry out his little plan for later that morning or early in the afternoon.
As he stood in the frame of the door, admiring his dozing twins, he felt two slender arms wrapping themselves around him and the warmth of a woman’s breath on his neck… What a sensation that was… his mind immediately took him back in time to that other lifetime, the one he shared with her. “Oh.. Doc… that feels… so…”
“Right… it feels so right, holding you in my arms,” she said softly, completing his sentence… “I remember it well.”
He sighed and shared his remembrance of what was the best time in his life, “Me too… waking up with you… having you hold me like this… Doc, it’s all coming back to me too… It does feel good, but I… “
Of all the things to mention first thing in the morning. Marlena was frustrated and snapped at him, “Can’t we just enjoy one little moment without bringing up the fact that there’s another woman in the picture?”
Roman winced at her biting tone, pulling out of the embrace… “I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to… it’s just that you keep… “
Her sigh was one of frustration, with him and with herself, “Pushing….. I’ve been pushing you… I know… I’m sorry too… Look.. let’s start over… Good morning, Roman… how did you sleep?”
Roman switched gears right along with her, replying positively, “Well, honestly… I slept really well, Doc… I feel great! This is going to a fun day and I can’t wait to get started.. I’ve got plans for you, baby!”
“Oooh.. I like the sound of that,” she said with a wink, as she moved in for another hug.
“Sorry.. not that kind of plans… but it *is* gonna be fun.. I promise..” he said, smiling mischieviously.
Glad to have moved away from another heated discussion about their predicament, she smiled and joined in the game, “Allright… I’ll bite…what kind of plans?”
“Not telling… it’s a surprise…” he teased, knowing she was going to work him over to get him to tell her what he had in mind.
“Roman.. you know I hate surprises…”
“Ah…. yes.. but I think you’ll like this one… at least I hope so… Can you please check Sami out and make sure she’s going to be okay? I touched her forehead… it’s not hot.. but I’ll feel better if you take a closer look at her.”
“Sure… I think she might have had a case of the flu and the fever was just a warning… She’ll probably be fine.”
Looking over at the twinners still sleeping, Roman said, “You know…. they’re pretty worn out and they’ll probably sleep awhile… you wanna have breakfast with me down by the lake?”
That was thoughtful, “Oh.. I’d love to… what are we having?” she asked, recalling how he loved to cook breakfast food for the family.
Roman grinned, feeling full of energy, “All the bad stuff… bacon, eggs, pancakes…”
“Oh boy… I haven’t had that since… Hmm… since I don’t know when… ” she finished with a slight frown.
“I just want to please you… and help you to get it all back, Doc… It’s so good to see you smile.”
She looked right at him… he was beaming… seeing her enjoying herself was obviously making him feel better about everything, but there was something in his eyes… something she saw once in awhile if she looked very closely… “Roman… what is it? I am happy, you know… you’re being so wonderful about everything… but I can tell there’s something going on inside that head of yours… what’s bothering you?”
Denying her concern, he said, “Nothing… really… I just told you I’m doing great, Doc… So, why don’t you go relax on the porch while I cook.. I’ll bring the food out to you and then we’ll go down to the water together.”
“Roman… it all sounds great.. but I can tell that something I said…” She stopped and then made a guess about what it might be, “I know… when I said I didn’t remember the last time I had pancakes… that was it.. Roman…”
He had turned away and was heading toward the kitchen.. without saying a word, “Roman Brady… don’t you walk away from me!” she commanded.
“What do you want from me, Doc… I said, I’m doing great and I am… come on, do you have to analyze everything?”
“No… I don’t have to analyze everything… but..”
She had to keep pushing him for more…that was aggravating, to say the least. “Marlena… please… just let it be… “
“Oh.. Roman,” she sighed, guessing what it was all about.
Noticing her frustration and her obvious proclivity to press him to express his true feelings, he sighed exasperatedly and gave her what she said she wanted, rattling it off quickly, “I don’t like the fact that you lost all that time.. okay.. and I feel guilty that I… quit searching and accepted that you were gone.. If I hadn’t done that… you would have been here for a hundred pancake breakfasts… You would have heard the Twinners first sentence and been there for their first day at school, you would have been here to teach them how to ride a two wheeler… You would have been sitting on the bleachers with me cheering at Eric’s first ballgame and watching Sami’s ballet recitals… You missed so many things because I quit looking, Doc! I just can’t seem to get past the guilt for what you lost.. There… I said it..are you satisfied!” He didn’t give her the chance to reply, stomping off into the kitchen to begin preparing the breakfast.
“Oh… Roman,” she sighed to the empty room… “I wish you could find a way to let that go.. no one but you blames you for it.”
After taking a moment to calm herself down and giving him the same opportunity, she followed after him, hoping she could reach him this time. He was moving anxiously about the room, busily preparing the pancakes, eggs and bacon as he had said… He was doing things too quickly and began to make mistakes… using too much milk… leaving an eggshell in the bowl… and the harder he tried, the worse it got. Finally, it reached a culmination when he dropped the sugar bowl which shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces. “Dammit!” he said in frustration…
Marlena let it go on for a moment or two and then said what she knew was the heart of the matter, “Roman… it wasn’t your fault… no one blames you…”
“Well, then tell me… who’s fault is it? It has to be somebody’s fault, Marlena! There has to be someone to blame for what happened to you… to us! Who is it that played God with our lives? I want to know…because I want to…” Roman looked down at his right hand which was clenched in a tight fist…. something he was doing to try and control the raging frustration he felt about what had been done to all of them, Isabella included.
“You want to what, Roman… you want to kill? Is that it… you think that going after someone is going to make this any easier.. that it’s going to bring back those missing years… that having someone to vent your frustrations on is going to take away this dilemma you’re facing..having to choose between two women… Well, it won’t Roman! You can’t run from this… and that’s what you’re doing when you let the guilt and anger take control.. running from the truth.”
“What truth, Doc?” he asked her, thoroughly confused for the moment and distracted from the rage.
“The truth that you never stopped loving me… that you love me right now, today… as much as you ever have. That scares you for some reason.. doesn’t it?”
How could she possibly know that about him, when he didn’t even know it about himself. Roman argued vigorously, “No… why should it scare me, Marlena? If I’ve loved you all these years, I should be ecstatic to have you back and I am… What makes you think I’m scared?” he asked, trying to put her on the defensive for a change.
“You’re afraid that if you let yourself love me again, I mean.. really let yourself love me… then you’ll lose me… That’s it, isn’t it? That’s what all of this.. avoidance has been about?”
He was speechless for an excruciatingly long second before responding. “No… I… no…that isn’t….” he started to protest, then paused, realizing full well that he wasn’t sounding convincing to her in the least. Roman turned away and headed out on to the porch, staring down toward the lake, wondering just how it was that she knew him so well after so much time had passed. It was unnerving to say the least. She came up behind him, placing her hands on the taut muscles of his neck and shoulders, massaging him again. “Roman… it’s okay… you can tell me… “
Sighing wearily, he said without turning around, “Oh.. Marlena… I don’t pretend to know how you do it, but you know me so well.”
“Well then?” she asked while still massaging him, more than curious to hear his reply to her assertions about his reaction to her return.
“You’re right… about all of it… I *am* afraid… and…I have been running… I finally realized that the other night and I vowed before we came up here that I was going to stop it.. that I was going to let myself go with the moment….. and if the love returned… I was going to embrace those moments.”
“But..” she added… Something stopped him and although she had a sneaking suspicion what it was, she wanted to hear it from his lips.
Recognizing that she had read him with astonishing accuracy, he relented and filled in the uncompleted thoughts. Turning toward her, allowing his gaze to meet hers, he revealed himself with total honesty, “But, it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be..” His voice began to crack as he shared his experience with her, “Every time I think about letting go.. and just giving in and loving you completely… I see the plane going down… and I feel the fear… and the agony of losing you.. it all comes right back and I… want to run from it… from my feelings for you… I swore I would never let myself feel that kind of pain again, Doc.”
She nodded without a word… so.. she was right, Roman was protecting himself from an anticipated loss. If he kept her at arms length, he mistakenly believed he wouldn’t have to face that same intensity of pain if and when the unforseen happened and she was taken from him. Wrapping her arms around him, she sighed in comiseration before saying reassuringly, “Oh.. Roman… I’m so sorry for what you suffered.. I know that was horrible for you… but I’m back now… and we can be together again… I’m not going anywhere.”
With surprising vehemence, he nearly shouted his reply, “You don’t know that, Marlena! I was the one who told you that I would protect you… and look what happened! You were taken from me more than once and then you were held against your will for FIVE years! You’re my wife… If I can’t protect you… then tell me.. who can?”
“Honey… we can take the precautions we know to take, we can hire security… and then we can.. live our lives.. We can’t live in a constant state of fear that something else *might* happen to me.”
“Well, I can… and I will because once I get comfortable.. that’s when you’re in danger…. I can’t let my guard down for a second… not even for a second!” he said with intensity, suddenly flashing on the horrendous memory of watching the house blow up, believing she was inside it.
Rubbing his shoulders, Marlena continued to work him over.. “Roman… you’ll make yourself crazy with this… you have to let it go… Blaming yourself doesn’t help anybody… so stop it, please just stop it!!” She was becoming angry with him. He was letting the guilt stand in their way, every bit as much as Isabella and she resented having two major obstacles on the path toward regaining her husband and family.
Thoroughly entrenched in their heated discussion, Roman and Marlena hadn’t realized how loud they were, and were therefore surprised to look up into two worried faces. The twins didn’t say a word to them, their eyes and downcast facial expressions said all there was to be said on the issue. Roman made a start at an apology, “Kids I’m… sorry about that… we were just..”
“Talking… about…” Marlena tried to finish, but was interrupted.
“Who is to blame for Mommy being gone… we know.. we’ve heard you *talking* about that before,” said Eric quietly. “Why do you think it’s your fault Daddy? Everyone thought she died in that plane crash, didn’t they?”
Marlena smiled… it was that simple. Roman was no different than the others, and no more to blame for what happened to her all those years.. No one could have known. With an admiring smile, she gave her son and daughter a hug and said, “Yes, sweetheart… everyone believed it. Daddy doesn’t need to feel so bad about it. I’ve been trying to help him understand that.”
Sami spoke her piece quite directly, “Daddy, I think you should.. forget about who’s fault it is and be.. happy she came home to us… That’s how I feel about it…. I’m just really glad to have my Mommy… God gave her back to us and I want to thank him… very much.” Eric quickly agreed, “Yea… let’s just be happy and have some fun together.”
Leave it to a child… to simplify what seemed to an adult like it was a complicated situation. Being reminded of the miracle bestowed upon them, Roman reached out his arms, gesturing for family hug. A collective sigh of contentment was breathed and then the patriarch said, “You’re right, Sami… what’s most important is that we have Mommy back and we should all be feeling grateful for that.” Speaking to their daughter, but looking straight into Marlena’s eyes, he added softly, “It’s a miracle honey and I’m very happy about it… very, very happy.”
Heads nodded and then Marlena agreed, “Yes…. God gave us all a miracle… helping us find each other again, giving us another chance to be a family… I couldn’t ask for more than that.” She searched his eyes for his true perspective; what she saw pleased her. Although he was still fighting it to some degree… Roman was gradually allowing himself to embrace that miracle, letting the love flow back into his heart, despite his fears.
Finally, Roman spoke on a different subject, thereby ending the moment. “Well… we better get a move on here… time’s a wasting and we’ve got things to do, places to go… fun to have…” he said, an air of intrigue leaking out in his tone. Marlena saw the glint of mischief in his eyes, but before she could ask, it was gone. She filed it away for later.
“I’m gonna go in there and rustle us up some breakfast.. Is anybody hungry for pancakes?” Roman added, knowing full well he had at least two takers.
“Yeah… pancakes… and eggs, and bacon too?” said Eric excitedly.
“Yep… all of it… You guys want to help?” he asked hopefully.
Sami was decidely cheerier, saying, “I will Daddy… I feel much better this morning. I love to stir up the batter..”
“And, I’ll crack the eggs,” Eric said excitedly, wanting to be part of the process as well.
Roman smiled widely, feeling like they were quickly becoming a family of four, just as Marlena had said. “Doc… why don’t you go relax on the porch and we’ll bring breakfast out to you.”
He was being so sweet to her and it melted her heart. Sighing with the comfort of his warm welcome home, she said, “Oh… you’re going to spoil me… but.. I guess that’s allright… thank you.”
“Anything for you… love ” he said teasingly in an imitation of a British accent, but the words were true and she knew it. He would do anything for her, anything at all. That was one thing that definitely hadn’t changed in her absence. Roman was ready, willing, and able to do whatever he could to please or protect her and their children, or anyone he truly cared about for that matter.
Roman watched her turn to go….. It *was* a miracle and he needed to be reminded of it, precisely at moment his young daughter had done so. Sami’s insightful comment was a life changing event for him, and he made an important decision. No longer was he going to waste their time dwelling on who was to blame, or berating himself for not discovering that she was alive and subsequently locating her whereabouts. What everyone had been telling him was true; he simply couldn’t have known and even if he could have… focusing on that now was fruitless and utterly bereft of purpose. No, it was time to concentrate on the here and now and enjoy every moment he was priveleged to spend with the people he loved. Roman Brady planned to do just that and this morning of family togetherness was only the beginning.
Breakfast was cleaned up, the kids were down by the lake skipping stones, Marlena was sitting on the porch reading a novel, and Roman was standing in the doorway of the cabin. It made him happy to see the contented smiles on the faces of three of the people he loved most in all the world. However, now it was time to have some family time, so he turned to his newly returned wife with a smile and asked, “Well, Doc… are you ready for some fun and games?”
“Hmm.. fun and games.. that’s a hint, isn’t it?” Marlena replied with a sweet smile of her own, before their twins, having seen their father step outside, rushed up repeating those words rather gleefully.
“I’ll never tell you,” he said with a mischievous grin.
Sighing with exaggerated exasperation, Marlena replied, “Oh… Roman, must you insist on surprising me?”
“Yea… it’s much more fun that way, Doc… at least it is for me!” he said excitedly as he closed his eyes for a moment, imagining the day ahead of them, hoping it would go as planned.
“Hey Sami… how are you feeling, honey?” Roman thought to ask, before embarking.
“I’m feeling much better Daddy… I’m ready to have some fun with you, Eric and Mommy… it’s going to be a great day, isn’t it?”
Giving her a fatherly hug, he said, “I certainly hope so, Peanut. We better get a move on though,” he said, looking at his watch. He wanted it to be a full day.
“Where are we going, Daddy?” asked Eric, who had busied himself with packing up a couple of action figures and a book or two to take along, wherever they were going.
“Well, let’s see.. your mother wanted a hint.. so I’ll give you all one. It’s someplace where you can find just about anything you want to eat and… you just might have the ride of your life.”
“You mean on the way there?” asked Eric, puzzled.
The teasing was so much fun; in some ways, he was still a boy at heart, “That’s all I’m going to say… now, are we all ready to go?” he said, not giving away anything.
Marlena thought maybe she had it figured out, but she didn’t want to spoil it for the kids, so she kept it to herself. Smiling at her husband, watching the kids scurrying toward the Jeep, she said, “Thank you, Roman.. for putting so much effort into making this a really fun trip for the kids.. and for me… I really appreciate it.”
Taking her gently in his arms, he kissed her lightly, on the cheek this time, and then said, “You’re welcome, Doc… I just wanted to give you back as much of your life as I could, as quickly as possible. I know I can’t replace all the years you missed… but I can help to make sure the ones you have from now on are filled with love and laughter.”
“Well, you’re doing a wonderful job so far, sweetheart. It means so much to me. I can’t wait to share our day.” Her own excitement was increasing by the moment, knowing there would be no distractions for them, no thinking of life back in Salem, or…. the other woman.
Wondering why her expression had changed in the last moment or two, he said, “I can’t either, Doc… let’s go! I’m sure the kids are waiting in the Jeep already.”
Hearing him say the word reminded her of a question she had been wanting to ask, “Speaking of the Jeep.. when did you get it? It looks almost brand new, Roman.”
“Well, basically…it is… I bought it when I made Commander… kind of a gift to myself.. and the kids too, I guess.. It helps with all the soccer and softball equipment I’m always hauling around for them and their friends. And.. it’s fun!” Roman said with vigor, sounding alot like a young man who had just bought his first car.
“Commander Roman Brady…. I didn’t really get to congratulate you on that achievement, did I? I’m really very proud of you, you know… I always knew you had it in you to move up in the ranks. Maybe… you’ll be Chief of Police someday…” she teased, also testing a theory and seeing immediately that her assumption was correct.
He looked at her with an expression of mock horror before answering honestly, shaking his head as he spoke, “Nah… this is as far as I want to go… I like being near the action… Sometimes.. I still go out on stakeouts…pretty often actually… just to keep my hand in it… I think it’s important for the guys to see that I’m willing to be actively involved, and lend a hand when we’re short.. things like that.”
Listening to him talk, she could hear the maturity and the confidence he had now that was lacking in the early days following the revelation of his true identity. “You’ve grown so much… since I left, Roman… and you’ve reached some sort of peace with the past you can’t fully recapture, haven’t you?” she concluded from her observations. He wasn’t nearly so tense about the gaps; he seemed.. settled in that regard.
After a sigh, he said, “Yea… I guess I have…. Losing you…” Roman stopped before completing that thought, and corrected himself, “Thinking I lost you… it hurt so much, Doc… it threw me into a tailspin… I was so lost… I didn’t know what to do or where to turn.. who to look to for advice, who to go to when the memories flashed in my head… and for the longest time… I was stuck there in this black hole of grief… but gradually over time, I began to move on… I realized with the help of friends and family that I was dishonoring your memory by wallowing in it. That was what did it.. after that, I dug down deep.. and I pulled myself out of it. Then as time passed, I began to let go of what I couldn’t remember and just moved forward… I got more and more involved at the Cop Shop and at the same time, as active with the kids as I could be. Before I knew it, I was Commander Brady and I was feeling… happy again, not that I didn’t still miss you…”
She was looking down toward the lake and the Jeep, noticing the twins seemed ancy… it had been awhile since he mentioned having something fun planned. “Well, Commander Brady…I’m glad for you and that all sounds very interesting; we can talk more about it later, but for now… we better get going on our journey into the unknown… before we have a mutiny on our hands.”
His eyes following her gaze, he nodded and said, “Sounds like wonderful advice, Doc… let’s get this show on the road,” he added, ushering her toward the vehicle. He was hoping for a wonderful family day, minus the awkwardness of the night before and even earlier in the morning. Where they were going, it shouldn’t be too difficult.
Roughly half an hour later, they were pulling up at their destination, the kids expressing their mutual conclusion with glee, “A carnival… oh boy!” exclaimed Eric.
“I want some cotton candy!” cried Sami with great joy, as she scrambled out of the Jeep.
“Yea…. and caramel apples too!” agreed Eric, excited about the day ahead of him, anticipating all the fun they would have, as well as the treats.
Marlena sighed with pleasure, “Ah… and.. Dumbo ears…. Oh, Roman… this is perfect… just…perfect,” she said, with a sweet sigh while leaning in for a hug.
He was grinning, happy that something so simple as a county fair could bring forth such smiling faces, “I was kind of hoping you would all feel that way, Doc… So, pretty lady… you want me to win you a stuffed animal?” he asked with an endearing smile, as he guided her toward the entrance.
Recalling times past, she sighed wistfully, saying, “Oh…. that would be so… sweet, honey. Yes, please do… the biggest one at the fair.”
“You want it, you’ve got it, Doc… let’s go… This is gonna be so much fun, Marlena!” he said, his voice full of boyish exuberance. The kids were waiting at the gate, hardly able to restrain themselves from running inside.
After paying the admission, their father having barely stepping inside, the twins spoke to him simultaneously, “Daddy.. Mommy…can we ride the rides first? Please… pretty please!” Their faces were full of mirth, a sight for Marlena’s eyes to see. It filled her heart up to look at them and be a part of their joy.
Looking at his lady, he shot her a glance that said, ‘Is that okay by you?’ to which she responded with a smile and a nod. “Sure… why not? Anybody up for some bumper cars? That’s my favorite!” he said excitedly, spotting that one right off.
Eric agreed wholeheartedly, “Oh boy… that’s one of my favorites too… let’s go!” he cried gleefully, rushing toward the ride in question.
All Marlena could do was smile… as she watched them all prepared to play. Roman was truly giving her back her life… A feeling of peace flowed through her and it was a singularly wondrous sensation. Suddenly, she found moisture forming in her eyes, something he noticed when she didn’t immediately follow after him. Turning back toward her, Roman asked with tenderness, “Doc… did I do something wrong? Did I say something to upset you?”
She was shaking her head, weeping with joy.. He was so sensitive to her moods, so concerned about her feelings. With a shaky emotion filled voice, she said, “No… you’re doing everything right, Roman… this is so… wonderful. You’re just.. the most… amazing man.. and I love you so much.”
“Oh.. Doc.. it’s just a carnival…” he was saying as he stepped closer, reaching up to gently brush away the fallen tears from her cheeks.
“No… it’s so much more than that, Roman… you’re giving me back my life… you’re giving me back my.. family. You just can’t know what that means to me.. Thank you… thank you so much for doing this… for bringing us up here.”
“Hey…. I think you’re giving me too much credit… You see I was having this…craving for…Italian sausage… and I heard about this county fair and… well you know…”
“Oh, Roman… for goodness sake, can’t you just say you’re welcome!” she said, slightly exasperated with his constant discounting of what he was doing on her behalf.
Seeing her frustration with him, he did as requested, without a teasing rejoinder, “You’re welcome, Doc.. And for the record… I do know what it means… I remember what it was like to be the one who’d just returned after a long absence… You did the same for me…. you invited me right into your life and into you heart…. I haven’t forgotten any of it, Doc.. I hope you know that,” he said speaking with great sincerity.
She sighed, remembering those early weeks, saying, “I do know that… I’m glad you remember… those were some wonderful times, some crazy wonderful times, weren’t they?”
He nodded and leaned closer, pulling her to him and said, “Yes…. they were, Doc…” and then he changed the subject, “…and now.. we’re in for some more… Let’s go see what we can do with those bumper cars… okay?” he said with a jocular expression. It was time for laughter and play, not serious talks. There would be plenty of time for all of that.
“Yes… let’s do,” she said with a light smile. A short time later, they were all laughing and slamming into each other’s cars… enjoying the company as much as the activity itself. They were fast becoming a family again, something Marlena longed for since the first moment she returned to Salem.
Next it was on to the real rides, the ones that made kids shout with glee and adults sick to their stomach, ones like The Hurricane, High Flyer, Super Trooper Inverter, Ring of Fire, and of course the traditional roller coasters and Ferris wheels were there… They played that way for hours, enjoying every moment they spent together. Roman kept smiling the whole time, pleased to see Marlena and the kids bonding so quickly. It warmed his heart to see her so happy. That was what he’d wanted to accomplish, more than anything else.
At one point while they rode the Ferris wheel, he leaned over and held her close. There was no need for words, just a silent communication of love and affection. She looked lovingly at him and he was transported back in time again, to those early days, just after she told him he was Roman Brady and he wasn’t quite sure he could believe it as strongly as she did. There was enough love shining forth in her eyes for both of them in those days. She had even said it that way a few times. Marlena was so certain that he was the man she loved, and her love and steadfast support were what had gotten him through those times when he felt so out of place in the world and with the Brady family, and through all those dark nights when he was so empty inside….she was the one who filled him up. It was always Marlena who brought him out of the funk he was in about his nearly total memory loss. Some of the blanks had since been filled in, but there were times he still wondered. When he looked into her sparkling eyes now, it was as if the years apart had all but disappeared and she had never gone away. Their love was right and true and it had never died… it just laid dormant for awhile, waiting for its day in the sun.
On this perfect summer afternoon, it was being reawakened, revitalized like the wilted flower that only needed a little tender loving care and a drink of cool water to come alive again. When her gaze met his, she knew… Marlena saw all there was to know about their previously uncertain future in his warm expression, and she felt it in the gentle touch of his hand on hers. Roman loved her deeply and completely and he was gradually opening up his heart again, allowing those long buried memories to rise to the surface. The best part of it was that he didn’t seem to be fighting it so much now; he was beginning to embrace it, to immerse himself in pleasant recollections of their love. She smiled with that recognition and he nodded, acknowledging her conclusion, then he took the next step, leaning in for a kiss of infinite tenderness, his tongue wrapping itself around hers for a moment or two. Whispering in her ear, he spoke with much passion, “I love you, Doc. I really love you.”
That was all she needed to hear. From this moment onward, she wasn’t going to doubt it. It would not be long now. Soon, it would be official… the marriage of Roman and Marlena Brady would be back on course; they were headed for a long and happy life together, raising their two blond haired, blue eyed twins, and welcoming, Carrie, their wayward teenager back home whenever she was ready. “And I love you, now and always, Roman…”
He only sighed and draped his arm over her shoulders as the Ferris wheel made its ascent, enjoying the warm summer sun on his back and the sensation of holding her near once again. Then suddenly and quite unexpectedly, the one essential truth of his life permeated his heart, much like Cupid’s arrow breaking through. ‘This is it, this is where I belong,’ he was thinking… ‘Right here, right now… and forevermore. My place is here by her side… Marlena is my best friend, my love, my comforter, my wife, my… everything.’
Feeling Roman shift in the seat, squeezing her just a little tighter, Marlena looked at him again. In that split second during which she’d looked away, something had changed. She sensed it intuitively.. but what was it?
From the look on his face, Marlena knew something was up with Roman, though he hadn’t said it yet. Something had changed while they were riding on the Ferris wheel but that had been an hour or so earlier, and he hadn’t given her any indication of what it was. He seemed to be deep in thought and his expression kept changing every so often. Sometimes, he looked at her as if they had never been apart, as if his love for her had only grown stronger and deeper, and at others he seemed to be withdrawing from her, acting somewhat cold and distant and she couldn’t make much sense of it. Finally, when she couldn’t take the suspense any longer, she said, “Roman… what is it? What are you thinking about?”
For some unknown reason, his confidence in his conclusion of just a short time ago seemed to disappear and he was back to the uncertainty once again. He loved her, but….. there was some resistance, some fear, some indefinable feeling that if he told her he wanted to commit to her, something terrible was going to happen and he’d lose her again. Roman knew beyond any doubt that he couldn’t handle that. If he were being completely rational, he would realize how faulty that line of thinking was. He didn’t feel that way about committing to Isabella and she was the daughter of a man who’d caused him a lot of pain, not to mention Izzy B. Why didn’t that scare him? And, then in the next instant, he found himself thinking of his engagement to the other woman, shortly before Marlena returned. Confusion reigned inside his mixed up head. Not able to answer all of the questions he’d been raising, Roman finally looked at Marlena, realizing that she was still waiting for a response. “Oh… I’m sorry, Doc… what were you saying?” he asked.
She narrowed her eyes and stared at him, wondering what on earth could be making him so preoccupied all of a sudden. “Roman… there is obviously something on your mind and I was wondering if you might share it with me,” she said working at not sounding as though she was demanding he tell her.
His face bore a slightly confused, puzzled expression as he began his reply, “Oh… that, yea…I.. uh, I was just… thinking about.. everything… how strange it all seems… us being here together, doing something so… simple and ordinary, so much like we might have been doing all those years when you were gone. Sometimes, it feels like you never left, Doc and then sometimes….”
She nodded, recognizing where he was headed, and completed the sentence for him when he paused briefly. “And, sometimes, it seems like a lifetime ago, and you don’t know how to feel or what to say to me. Is that what you’re trying to tell me, Roman?” she asked, wishing he’d deny it.
His averted gaze and slight nod of the head told her all she needed to know and his words only made it worse, “I… uh… well, yea.. I guess that’s it, yea… It’s kind of hard to make sense out of it sometimes… how about for you?” he asked, hoping for a reprieve.
“Roman… I told you before.. to me it seems like we’ve always been together. I was.. unconscious for all of those years, as far as I know anyway. Our life together was just like yesterday for me… and my feelings for you haven’t changed. I love you and want to be with you as much as I ever have. The question is, do you love me in that same way? If you don’t, then you need to face it and tell me about it.”
For some reason, he suddenly felt as though they were heading for a train wreck that he couldn’t stop from happening, words tumbling out of his mouth that he hadn’t planned on saying at all. “Marlena.. you know that I love you… there’s no question about that, but… I grieved for your loss, I put those feelings away for a very long time. I began to move on and this is all pretty confusing for me still. I don’t mean to hurt you, but…”
She was growing weary of his mixed messages towards her and let him have an earful, “But you are… Roman, you have a choice to make…. and I think.. that in your heart… you know what that decision is, but you’re just having a hard time accepting it… a hard time facing the fact that you have to break it off with Isabella in order to be with me. You care very much for her… she’s had a difficult life and you don’t want to hurt her. I understand that, I do… “
“Doc… ” he said, raising his hands in a defensive gesture, starting to protest, not even sure exactly what he was going to say. It didn’t matter much because Marlena cut him off before he could continue.
“Roman, I said I wouldn’t pressure you for a decision and I meant it, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you play with my feelings the way you have been. You can’t have it both ways, Roman!” She turned away from him and went rapidly toward the playground area where the children were playing, not allowing him a chance to respond.
Her directness left him stunned and speechless, the interaction having gone just about as badly as it possibly could have. When he was sitting on the ride, high above the ground, he’d had it all planned… every word he would say to her rehearsed in his mind, and now he’d made a mess of things again. Not one of those words had been spoken. Shaking his head in disbelief and sighing defeatedly, he asked himself, ‘How did it all manage to go so wrong, so quickly? “Hey… wait, Doc… I’m sorry… no, that isn’t what I meant…” he finally said, calling after her in vain. She hadn’t heard him and didn’t care to at the moment. Marlena was hurt and angry and had every right to be, he thought. One minute he was acting like he wanted to reunite and resume their life right where it left off and the next he was thinking that he was betraying his commitment to his fiance, thereby causing him to retreat from Marlena.
Running his hands through his thick dark hair, he berated himself, wishing he understood his own muddled mind and divided heart, ‘Dammit! What are you doing, Roman! You were about to tell her you love her and that you want to make your life with her and now… you’ve just screwed everything up again! What the hell is *wrong* with you?” This was one of those times when he wished there were another Doctor Evans that he could talk to, because she was the one who always helped him make sense out of the confusion that sometimes plagued him, but this was one time she couldn’t help him. He was completely on his own for this one. He had to choose, which meant that one of the women he loved was going to be alone and hurting. Commander Roman Augustus Brady was not accustomed to being inside a box from which there was no way out, and he didn’t know how to handle it. Always in the past, with the exception of the time he watched the plane go down thinking he’d lost her, he was able to devise a solution to any seemingly unsolvable problem. Not this time. There was no way to avoid his painful reality and it was eating away at him, so he hesitated in making his final decision, thus causing both women to suffer.
Across the way, the other three were in the process of having some fun, Marlena included. “Mommy…. this is the best day ever! We’re having so much fun! Are you and Daddy having a good time too?” said Sami and Eric in rapid succession, as they jumped off the swings and ran toward their mother. She found their boundless enthusiasm hard to resist and cracked a smile in spite of her ire at Roman and their predicament.
It was still amazing how rapidly the twins seemed to be adjusting to her return… ‘If only it were so easy for Roman and I…’ she mused as she watched them move toward the seesaw, while preparing her answer carefully. “Well, your Daddy and I are… getting to know each other again, and that’s a good thing,” she said in a qualified statement, not wanting to mislead them in any way. If they didn’t end up together, she didn’t want the kids to suffer the disappointment of having their hopes dashed.
Roman stood back for a moment, trying to figure out what he could say to make things better. He stood back in observation for a minute or so, hoping she might have cooled down enough to listen to him. Stepping up close to Marlena, he whispered in her ears, “Doc… will you let me explain… please?”
It was time to set a limit, one that might hurt him, but for her own sake, Marlena felt it was crucial. Actually, for his as well. She simply couldn’t be objective about it, because no matter how compassionate and understanding she could be… they were talking about a rival. Turning to face him, she spoke softly for the children’s benefit, “Roman… I don’t want to talk about Isabella and the plans you had made before I came back or about your feelings for her. You’ll have to find someone else to do that with… it.. hurts me too much. I’m sorry…”
He nodded… it stung a little, but it made perfect sense. “Okay… that’s only fair, I won’t mention her again.” After blowing out a long breath and a pause to consider exactly what he should say, Roman asked her a question, “Can we talk about us, then.. about what’s been happening this weekend, about what’s been going on with me today? I’d like to start over, Marlena… if you’ll give me that chance.”
“All right… go ahead, I’m listening,” she said, turning toward him with her arms crossed in front of her, her tone a little distant, not quite accepting.
He had his work cut out for him, that was clear. After taking a few more seconds to collect his thoughts, he opened up to her, “Marlena… I love you. That’s no secret… but I told you that I’ve been struggling with the idea that if I let myself…really love you again, someone or some *thing* is going to come along and snatch you away from me again. Well, that’s what happened just now. I was sitting up on that Ferris wheel with you and I was feeling so sure of my love for you… I wanted to take you in my arms and kiss you.. In that moment, with the sun shining down… my arm around you.. it felt so.. right, so.. perfect… like it was before.. all those years ago.. and I.. couldn’t wait until we were in a private place so I could tell you….” He so wanted to reach out to her now, and place his hands upon the creamy white softness of her skin, but resisted the temptation out of respect for her, barely. And, she sensed it, smiling mildly in response to the passion in his voice.
She was touched and didn’t say anything at first, slightly overcome by his newfound openness, “Oh.. Roman… I had no idea… ” she said, her voice trembling slightly, a tear or two forming in response.
Glad to see that it mattered, he gently took her hands in his and gazed deeply into her eyes before launching into a fairly lengthy explanation of what followed. “Doc… I had it all planned… what I was going to say…. and then… we were standing there and I started to speak… and boom… all that fear came rushing right back and I… couldn’t do it… I couldn’t tell you.. I thought of all those times we were separated and I saw the plane going down, and I just.. froze. And then, I thought of… her. I’m sorry, Doc… I’m still so confused and I’m doing the best I can… I’m sorry if I hurt you or if I’m giving you mixed signals… but you need to believe that I’m not playing with your feelings, Marlena…. I’m trying to sort through mine, and I guess I’m not doing such a great job of it. I’m very sorry… I’ll try to do better.”
She sighed exhaustedly, feeling frustrated, but at the same time, realizing that she couldn’t really be mad at him. He was doing the best he could with an admittedly impossible situation, and she needed to give him a break. It really hadn’t been very long since her return and he had learned to live without her over a prolonged period. With that recognition, she said after a slightly tired sigh, “It’s okay… I know you’re not purposely setting out to hurt me, Roman… I know that it’s all pretty complicated.. I do understand that. I love you… and I’ll try to be more patient.”
Having waited as long as two seven year olds were capable, the twins finally decided it was time for some more exciting activities, and they raced over toward their parents. Sami was filled with youthful enthusiasm that was hard to resist, saying hopefully, “Daddy… Mommy… can we go play the games now? I just saw another little girl with the biggest teddy bear I ever saw… and I want to win it…” Roman and Marlena exchanged a meaningful glance that said, ‘I guess we’re done talking for now…’ and they smiled at their two beautiful children, wanting to catch their excitement.
“Yea.. and I saw the coolest Ninja sword….. that..” Eric was saying, until he saw his parent’s faces and thought better of it. “Well, anyway… the games are really fun! Can we… please?”
Marlena and Roman exchanged another knowing glance that said, ‘Maybe this is just what we need right now,’ then Roman nodded and answered affirmatively, “Yes… I guess so… for a little while anyway.”
“Alright!” exclaimed Eric excitedly. “Let’s go… I know the way already,” he added proudly.
“So do I!” chimed Sami in agreement, as the two of them headed off in that general direction, eager to win the prizes they’d seen.
“Man… they’re having so much fun… and they’re doing great with all the changes. I wish it were that easy for us,” Roman said with a weary sigh.
Ready to move on, Marlena decided to change her attitude, saying positively, “It is, Roman… just enjoy the moment. Isn’t that what this day was supposed to be about, having a good time as a family, getting to know each other again? Come on, let’s go have some fun!” she said with a grinning countenance which implored him to comply, her hand extended toward him invitingly.
Shaking his head to clear it of the funk he was in, Roman put on a broad smile, took her hand, and said, “Yea… you’re right… I’m sorry. Let’s go, Doc… I promised you I’d win you the biggest stuffed animal at the fair, didn’t I?”
“As a matter of fact, yes you did, Roman Brady… and it’s about time you made good on that promise,” she challenged with a teasing wink. He smiled with the light of the summer’s day… in that few moments they’d come to a new understanding about their situation. It brought comfort in ways he couldn’t even comprehend to know that he could have such an open discussion with her about how he was doing with it all. The pressure was so intense at times, he thought he might burst; it was such a relief to be able to talk it out with this amazing woman who’d rocked his world so wonderfully by returning from the dead after a five very long years. They walked hand in hand down the midway, taking comfort from the warmth of the sun on their backs, enjoying the simple pleasures….
It was another one of those defining moments and there was no avoiding the truth this time, or so it seemed. There they were in the middle of this small county fair, making lover’s eyes at each other in full view of any number of witnesses, not to mention their own twins, who were smiling broadly at the sight of their two parents…. so enamored of one another that they had become oblivious to the world around them. Having just won Marlena the stuffed animal, Roman suddenly took his wife in his strong masculine arms and held her closer than he had since that night on the pier, and with almost the same depth of feeling. Then, acting completely on impulse, he captured her mouth in a stirring kiss of great passion, his tongue winding its way around hers masterfully. It was a skill he’d always possessed, but moreso after *he’d* returned from the unknown. As a fleeting thought about the differences crossed her mind, Marlena wondered why she hadn’t paid attention to them before now. However, that thought disappeared in the maddening sensation of her fiery desire for the man who held her so tenderly and kissed her so fervently, “Oh… Roman… oh… whew!” was all she could say in response to his unexpected move.
Roman too was taken aback by the intensity of the contact he had initiated, his body heat climbing a degree or two. His breathing quickened and he found his desire rising rapidly to inappropriate levels for such a public place, “Oh.. Marlena…” he said in a breathless whisper, wanting her as much as he ever had. Then it was gone, vanishing instantly as an image of Isabella’s brokenhearted expression at the moment he called off their engagement appeared inside his head involuntarily, his mind acknowledging the ultimate end result of fully embracing his formerly dormant feelings for his wife.
Roman stopped kissing Marlena and pulled out of the embrace, avoiding the distress resulting from his current reality by focusing in on the children. “So… Sami, Eric… did you enjoy yourselves today? he asked….looking over toward the twins while shaking his head to clear it of all the confusing conflicting thoughts and emotions, and starting the process of concluding their trip to the fair.
Marlena watched him closely, feeling confused, not to mention hurt by his abrupt termination of their intimate encounter. “Roman…” she started to say, but didn’t get to finish.
His voice was a little shaky and he was very skittish all of a sudden, interrupting Marlena. “You know… we’ve been here for quite awhile, Doc…. and we’ve got that long drive back to the cabin….you know and I…” he said, deliberately taking a step or two away from her.
Grasping his forearm to halt his retreat, she confronted him about his behavior. “Stop it, Roman… just STOP it! Stop lying to yourself!” she fired off angrily in harsh whispered tones, when the children were a few yards away, having caught a glimpse of some other interesting game. He was doing it again, running from his feelings and she wasn’t about to let him get away with it again, not after the conversation they’d had only an hour or so ago.
Roman was backpeddling fast, but he had revealed too much already and he could see that she knew it… No longer could he avoid the truth. He simply had to admit that at the very least his feelings for her were strong now… every bit as deep as those he felt for Isabella, and as much as it pleased him, it frightened him immensely. “All right… I’m sorry, you’re right…I did it again…” After taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Roman looked intently into her wounded eyes and came clean about his feelings for her, “The truth is, Marlena…. I’m falling in love with you all over again. I’m remembering.. how great we were, and it’s happening so fast that it.. well, it scares me… but I won’t try to hide from it anymore…”
She took in a breath and held it, waiting patiently, somehow knowing what would follow, waiting for him to say the words she had longed to hear come from his mouth from that very first moment she saw him again, and then there they were… His blue eyes shining so brightly, his demeanor so serious, he gazed at her adoringly said all of it, just the way she’d dreamed about at least a dozen times, “I love you, Doc… I love you as much or more than I did on the day we renewed our wedding vows… I want to share the rest of my life with you and I thank God for bringing you back to me!”
She stood there staring at him, the sun’s rays making his blue eyes shine, uncertain what she’d heard him say. Roman was admitting the truth of his love for her, saying it was as strong as it had ever been. She could scarcely believe it was really happening. “Roman… I… “
He took her hand in his and then stepped closer, raising that hand to his lips for a soft moist kiss. “I’m sorry I held back, even for a little while.. but you’re right… my love for you is as deep and as strong as it ever was… I just.. didn’t want to hurt her, you know…. I care about her, Doc..” He shut his eyes for a moment, then steeled himself for the truth, “No, I.. love her… I never lied to you or to her about that, but the love I feel for you… it’s different, Marlena… it fills me up, it completes me, Doc… like nothing and no one else ever has or will. I want us to be like we were… before. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together… as husband and wife..”
Tears were rushing in to fill her eyes, as with every word he spoke he touched her more. She was overwhelmed by joy that flowed throughout the farthest reaches of her body as she listened and gazed deeply into his brilliant blue eyes, which were no longer hesitant to meet hers. Roman meant every word he was saying; he was recommitting to her here and now in the middle of this little county fair. ‘No time like the present,’ she was thinking as he reached up to wipe the tears away with the pads of his thumbs, a gesture which made her weep all the more. “Oh… Roman.. Oh, how l love you.. I’ve been praying that I would hear you say those words to me.. “
Their special moment of reunion was broken up by the sounds of their little boy yelling for them… “Daddy.. Mommy… come quick! It’s Sami… she’s sick again.. hurry!”
For a split second, their eyes met and a silent exchange was made… ‘We’ll talk some more later on… but for now our little girl has to be our only concern.’ Then, Roman extended a hand and led Marlena to their beautiful twin, who was lying down on her side, surrounded by half a dozen gawking bystanders. Roman moved them along while Marlena kneeled down to begin an assessment of their daughter’s condition, “Come on… we’re the parents.. give us some room… Has someone called an ambulance?”
“Yes… I did!” said one of the game vendors… “Should be here in about five minutes..”
“Good, thank you, ” Roman said, not wanting to take time for more, which was understood by all concerned. “Doc… what do think it is?”
Laboring to stay objective about it for at least a few minutes, she replied like a doctor instead of a worried mother, “Judging from her appearance.. I’d guess it’s her appendix… Eric… can you tell me what happened?” she asked, hoping to confirm or deny her preliminary diagnosis. If it were a rupturing appendix, time was of the essence… Sami’s symptoms had actually come on the day before and Marlena now realized that she had missed it.
“Well, she started complaining about her stomach again.. then we were playing some games and all of a sudden she screamed and fell to the ground. She was holding her side and crying when I left to go find you.”
Roman looked at his wife with a fearful expression, realizing she was right, that their little girl was having an attack of appendicitis. “Doc… how bad is it… tell me?”
The fear was increasing as the moments passed and she took responsibility for what was happening, “Oh..Roman… I’m so sorry… it’s pretty bad… this started yesterday… and I missed it.. Oh, my God… I missed it and she could….”
Realizing where Marlena was headed with that comment, her husband cut her off, “No… no, we’re not going to think that way… We’re not… do you hear me?” he said strongly as he kneeled down to take his baby girl’s other hand in both of his. With an emotion laden voice which cracked as he tried to maintain his composure and his confidence in spite of the fear, Roman urged her to fight for her life, “Sami… you hang on now… Your Mommy just came home after five long years and she wants to watch you grow up… she needs you to stay… and I need you… and Eric, Grandma, Grandpa.. Uncle Bo… Carrie… we all need you, Peanut… so you just fight this… with everything you’ve got!”
Marlena was weeping as she watched the man she loved trying to will his daughter to live, feeling so guilty for not having properly interpreted Sami’s early symptoms. “Oh, Roman… I hope she can fight this… she looks so pale… so… weak..”
Glancing up at Marlena for a second, he practically yelled at her, as his own fears took a stronghold, “Stop it… she’s going to make it, Doc… Sami’s a fighter like you… she won’t give up and she’s going to be just fine… I know it!”
Marlena only nodded as she rose to bring Eric on over into a firm embrace… He was crying too… afraid of losing his sister, afraid that he’d done something wrong too… “Mommy… is it my fault? I think I should have known something was the matter with her…. she didn’t look right… I should have said something… but she seemed okay… mostly… I’m sorry I didn’t come and tell you…. I’m so sorry!” he cried.
Touching her son’s face, tipping his chin up so that she could look in his eyes, Marlena said convincingly, “No.. honey… you didn’t do anything wrong… Eric, honey.. she’s just sick… you couldn’t have known how bad it could get. Sweety… she’s going to go to the hospital and she’ll have some surgery… and then hopefully, she’ll be good as new.”
The paramedics were there in the next instant and Marlena had to nudge Roman to step aside and let them work on his daughter. He was particularly close to her…. and she could see that he simply couldn’t bear the merest thought of losing Sami. “Roman… honey… you need to back off a little bit so they have room to work.”
“Oh.. yea.. sorry…” he said nervously, stepping out of the way to let them through. “Come on, Sami… you be strong…” he was saying, hoping to keep her focused on external reality as much as possible.
Within moments, the man had IV lines in, and the paramedics had communicated with the doctors in the local community hospital, fifteen minutes away… “We’re taking her to County General.. it’s the closest,” the men said, hoping not to get an argument.
“County General? Is there even a Pediatric Surgeon on staff or on call today?” Marlena asked, suddenly alarmed they’d get some resident in general surgery performing an appendectomy on a little child whose appendix had potentially already begun to rupture. That possibility was frightening, but on the other hand, waiting was dangerous too, so taking her back to Salem via Lifeflight wasn’t necessarily the best option either.
“Are you a doctor?” they asked, surprised by the woman’s knowledge base.
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am… a psychiatrist… So, tell me… who do they have on hand who can do this surgery… be honest… this is our little girl’s life at stake.”
“There’s one Doc I would trust to do it… “Nathan Caine… he’s a pediatrician who has performed lots of surgery out of Boston’s Children’s Hospital. He just moved here looking to have a more relaxed pace lifestyle.. got tired of the city rat race… we’ll call him in… how’s that?”
“Sounds wonderful.. please have them call him right away,” she replied, feeling quite relieved to have found someone competent in this small mountain community.
“He’s on call and he’s already on his way… he’ll meet us all there at the hospital. We’re ready to go.. there’s only room for one of you in the ambulance,” said the other man apologetically.
“You go, Doc… you can watch her and… help if something happens,” Roman offered, though it was painfully obvious that he hated to be separated from his angel girl at a time like this.
“No… Roman… I know how much you love her…how close you’ve become… I’ll drive the car and bring Eric with me… really.”
“No, Doc!” he countered insistently, “I want you with her in case something goes… wrong.. I’ll just feel better knowing you’ll be there for her… please..” he said, pleading with her, at the same time as his heart was breaking to see his little girl being strapped to a gurney and wheeled into the ambulance. It was all so unreal… one minute he was on cloud nine, having finally realized and admitted his love for Marlena and the next, in the depths of despair, worried about the life of his seven year old daughter.
“I’ll see you at the hospital in a few minutes, ” she said as she climbed into the awaiting vehicle. “I’ll hold her hand all the way… and I’ll make sure she knows how much you love her, Roman.”
It was all he could do to speak to her as the ambulance driver prepared the rescue vehicle to depart, his fear increasing by the minute. “I know you will, Doc… I’ll see you soon… I love you..” he said softly, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek.
She nodded and repeated the sentiment quietly, as the paramedic who would ride in back with her prepared to close the door.. “I love you too, Roman.”
With that, the ambulance was off… leaving Roman and Eric standing there alone for a moment… Eric was obviously afraid, but trying to be strong, like his father. Roman took the boy into a warm embrace and said.. “It’s okay, Eric… I know you’re scared… so am I, sport… so am I.”
“Do you think she’s going to be all right Dad?” the boy asked, even as a part of him recognized that no one could answer his question at the moment.
How he wished he could give the answer his little boy wanted, “I don’t know, Eric…. but I’m praying she is.. I just hope we weren’t too late…”
“Is it my fault for not noticing how sick she was just now?”
Roman hated to see his son assign even partial blame to himself… “No, Eric… no, it’s not your fault at all… if anyone is to be blamed.. it’s your mother and me… we should have seen her symptoms or taken them more seriously than we did. But, that doesn’t really matter anyway…. what’s most important right now is getting her the best possible medical treatment. We’ll worry about all of that later. Now, let’s get going,” he said to finish the conversation.
“Yea… let’s go!” repeated Eric, wanting to be at his sister’s side as soon as he could. They had a special connection and he sensed her fears even when she was unconscious. “She needs me… I can feel it, Dad.”
Roman only nodded as they took off at a sprint and raced to the car, in a hurry to get to the hospital. They made the drive in silence, praying for Sami’s recovery.
As the ambulance made its way toward the hospital, Marlena continued to hold Sami’s warm hand and assess the young girl’s overall condition. It didn’t look good, her complexion was very pale, she was burning up with fever, her pulse was rapid and thready.. ‘Oh, Sami… I’m so sorry I didn’t realize what your symptoms meant… oh, sweety girl… if anything happens to you…” After riding quietly for a few more minutes, Marlena thought to turn to the heavens for divine assistance, praying in the privacy of her mind. ‘Oh Dear God… don’t let her die… please God… don’t let my sweet baby girl die! If anyone has to suffer… let it be me… please let it be me and not her!’
Before she knew it, the vehicle was pulling up into the Emergency Room entrance and the rear doors opening. She jumped out and got out of the way immediately, as the young doctor came out to greet the EMT’s asking, “Okay.. what have you got?” The paramedic who had been riding in back gave the physician the bullet, informing him of the child’s elevated temperature, blood pressure and pulse, and the suspicion that it was a ruptured appendix was confirmed by palpation. In less than two minutes, Sami was being prepped for surgery. By the time Roman arrived and located them, his little girl’s gurney was already being wheeled toward the operating room.
Rushing toward them, Roman spoke loudly, the anxiety he was experiencing obvious, “Doc… what’s happening… is she going to be okay?”
“Oh, Roman… we were right, she’s having an attack of acute appendicitis…. she’s on her way to surgery right now.”
“Oh… Doc… if anything… if anything happens to her…” he said with a fearful sigh, not able to complete the thought.
Marlena was in tears, feeling responsible for her daughter’s life threatening situation, “Oh, Roman… I missed it… I should have figured this out… nausea… vomiting.. fever… those are obvious signs… I should have watched her more closely today.. I should have…”
Cupping her face between his hands, he attempted to dissuade her from the self condemnation, “No.. Doc… stop it… don’t do that to yourself… it could have happened to anyone… I should been paying more attention too… but it won’t help us to blame ourselves. We have to be strong for Sami, and for Eric,” he said, glancing around to locate his young son, who was now conspicuously absent from the scene… “Hey.. where’d he go, Doc… He was right behind me… where’d he go?” Roman asked worriedly, spinning himself around in a circle to look.
“Dad… hey Dad… it’s okay… I just went to get a drink of water… I’m fine…” said Eric as he walked across the waiting area from the fountain where he’d gone to quench his thirst.
His father smiled awkwardly and sighed with relief, slightly embarrassed to have become so anxious about it… but nonetheless, he pulled his young boy into a tight embrace, wishing he could do the same with Sami. “Sorry, son.. I guess I’m just really worried about your sister and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Nodding with understanding, his boy asked once more, “Do you think after they operate on her she’ll be okay, Dad?”
Roman sighed heavily yet again and answered honestly, “I don’t know Eric… I really don’t know, but I sure hope so… We just have to think good thoughts right now… and send her all our love.” With that, he surrounded both Marlena and Eric in his strong protective embrace, guiding the three of them toward the family waiting area. All they could do now was pray and wait, hoping for good news. While Eric found a toy to distract himself from his worry, Roman sat down next to Marlena and reached out to take her hand in his, saying softly, “We’re going to make it, Doc… all of us… we just have to believe that… My little girl is tough.. just like her mother and she’ll pull through this. And, then you and I will help her recover and we’ll start all over again… you and me… the twinners… maybe even Carrie will come back, once she knows you’re alive and well. We’re going to be a family again, Doc… and we’re going to make all our dreams come true.”
“Oh, Roman… I pray you’re right about all of it… I love you very much and sharing my life with you and the children is all I want in this world. I hope you don’t blame me for this. I really should have seen it coming…. I’m so sorry…” she added again, breaking down in tears.
“Hey… shh… I told you… I should have watched her more closely myself… I don’t want you blaming yourself for this, Doc… It’s not your fault she got sick… We all thought she had a touch of the flu.”
“But, I’m a doctor, Roman… I should have looked beyond the obvious and if I had…”
“Marlena… stop it!” he said, raising his voice in frustration, turning to look directly at her. “This is getting us nowhere.. it doesn’t help her for you to sit here feeling guilty.. please, honey.. let this go,” he implored, brushing her cheek with his knuckles.
She nodded, still tearful, but feeling very thankful for this kind forgiving man sitting next to her. He could have agreed with her, he could have been angry with her for not seeing what was happening with their daughter. Instead, Roman was trying to help her feel better about the situation, as well as the future they would have together as a family when the crisis was over.
Doctor Nathan Caine had to smile when he came out into the waiting area wearing his scrubs, having just finished a much longer than usual appendectomy. What he saw was a heartwarming sight, the parents were leaning against each other in two adjacent chairs and their little boy had curled up on their laps, the three of them subsequently having fallen asleep that way. It was a sweet glimpse of the love and togetherness offered by a closeknit family, something Nathan had recently lost because of his dedication to saving other people’s children. He sighed wearily and yet thankfully, thinking that if he had to give up his dream, at least there was some comfort in knowing that he was helping other families remain whole and healthy.
In this case, there were some fairly serious complications and it was still touch and go, as the Americans were want to say. Sami was a fighter, but her appendix had begun to rupture, sending poisonous fluids into her abdomen… poison that the body couldn’t easily process or eliminate. She was on antibiotics and other medication for that purpose and she was holding her own, but she wasn’t in the clear by any stretch of the imagination. Sami Brady was still very critical but relatively stable and now it remained to tell the family.
Roman was the first to stir, opening his eyes and straining to wake up, knowing that it had to be his daughter’s surgeon standing there waiting to talk to him.
“Mr. Brady…. we’ve completed your daughter’s surgery…”
Sitting up carefully, so as not to awaken his sleeping beauties, he responded quietly, “Yes… how did it go? Is she all right?”
“Well, she survived the surgery and she’s in recovery right now, but there were.. complications.”
Before the man could give the explanation, Roman jumped in with the obvious question, “Just tell me straight… what kind of complications!” he said anxiously.
“Her appendix had already begun to rupture when we got in there to operate. Therefore, the toxic substances entered her abdominal cavity and subsequently her bloodstream…”
“Oh, my God… What does that mean? Is she going to make it?”
“To be completely honest, I’m not sure. She’s on some intravenous antibiotics and that should help her body ward off infection, but there are no guarantees at this point. We’ll have to wait and see what happens. I’m sorry I don’t have better news for you.”
“I understand….. thank you for being honest. When will we know something?”
“The next 24 hours is absolutely crucial. We should know more about her chances by then.”
Hating to do it, but believing he had to be prepared for the worst case scenario, the cop in him asked the question, “Doctor… just tell me… do you think she could… die?”
He sighed and averted his gaze for the moment, not wanting to see the young father’s fear, “I truly hope not… but I really can’t say for certain right at this moment. There are too many variables beyond our control. It really is a matter of giving the medication time to work and waiting to see the results. I wish I had more to tell you, but that’s all there is to say right now.”
Noticing them starting to become restless, Roman nodded and whispered for Marlena and Eric’s benefit. No sense in having them all awake and worrying if they didn’t have to be. “Thank you….. I appreciate your honesty, Doctor.”
“Nathan… call me Nathan… ” the doctor said pleasantly, hoping it would help to make their association feel slightly less formal.
In spite of the tension, Roman smiled and offered his hand to shake, “Okay, Nathan it is… and you can call me Roman.”
He just put it all together… Brady was the last name…. It was surprising that they would meet here of all places, and it registered in his face as he said, “Roman…. you’re Roman Brady?” with eyes wide open.
The startled recognition he saw in the physician’s eyes was a shocker…. how could this man who was obviously from England originally, now by way of Boston, know who he was? With a puzzled expression, Roman replied affirmatively, “Yes… but why do you say that? Do you know of me?”
“Yes… actually I do…. I heard all about that unfortunate incident in Stockholm. I have… friends in the.. Spy business, shall we say… and I was quite impressed with everything I was told about you and how you handled yourself throughout the whole sordid affair. You turned out to be quite a hero after all. Chief Vaughn and his people at the ISA did the unthinkable.”
He sighed as those memories came to mind…. The fear of losing Marlena… the angry frustration he felt when he finally realized that the ISA had her the entire time, until they lost her to Orpheus… “Yes…. they did.. but, Nathan. I’m curious.. who do you know in the Spy business?” he asked for that reason and others. It was a well known fact that international community of special agents rarely disclosed the specifics of their cases or any other matters due to security reasons. How was it that this physician had been told sensitive details about that whitewashed incident?
“Well, for one… Shane Donovan… and some others you might not know. I was…a consultant to both the ISA and Interpol on medical matters at one time. I only recently developed an interest in Pediatrics and became Board Certified in the specialty.”
“Oh… well that’s very interesting, Nathan….. It sure is a small world isn’t it? I mean what are the chances of us meeting here… like this?” Roman said, thinking that as soon as he got back to Salem he was going to call Shane Donovan immediately to confirm or deny what the man was telling him. Some of it had to be true… Certainly Caine wasn’t fool enough to think that Roman wouldn’t check up on him.
“Yes… isn’t it though?” the surgeon finished with an odd sort of a smile on his face, one Roman couldn’t read before it disappeared. Next, he said, “Oh, and I was also aware that Dr. Evans had only recently returned from being.. presumed dead.” Noticing the other man’s questioning glance, he said, “It was in all the papers…. You must have been… overjoyed to learn she was alive.”
Again Roman was nodding and this time he found a smile as the images from their pier reunion came to mind. He spoke with enthusiasm about his feelings, “Yes… I’m very happy about it… ecstatic actually. She’s a wonderful woman and I missed her terribly… I can’t begin to tell you how thrilled myself and the children are that she’s back home with us.”
“She was gone for five years… have you figured out anything about where she was for all that time?” Nathan questioned as innocently as possible.
That was a little too much and Roman’s face told him to back off even as his response was pleasant, “Well, no.. to tell you the truth.. it’s only been a short time and we’re just focused on enjoying her presence in our lives again.”
Realizing what he’d done, the doctor back-peddled swiftly, “Oh, of course… I’m sorry Roman… here I am going on about all of this and you’re most concerned about your daughter right now.” Roman nodded slightly and then the other man was talking once again about the more important matter at hand, “Like I said before, I’ll let you know if there are any changes. Give her half an hour or so and then you can go in to see Sami for few minutes,” he added before turning to leave the area.
“Thank you, doctor,” he said as the man began to walk away, and then Roman stood there in silence thinking about the interaction while watching the other man until he disappeared down another hallway. So.. Nathan Caine knew Shane Donovan.. in England obviously. Even so, would Shane really have disclosed significant information to a relative outsider? Or was he an insider? Did he know more than he let on about Roman’s experiences within the ISA or about Marlena’s disappearance? And, what kind of consulting work might the doctor have done for the ISA? Roman was left with those and several other questions, including the one about the quizzical expression on the other man’s face when Roman said his first name. It was a strange look… almost as if he didn’t think the man standing before him could possibly be Roman Brady. The mystery of it made him begin wonder about his identity all over again. Could Marlena possibly have been wrong? He’d recovered many of his memories since then and there had been no reason to question it in her absence. However, though he hadn’t shared it with anyone else, there had been some moments when he’d wondered how she could be so sure. What a strange coincidence this was….
All those issues faded from view when he felt movement, meaning the woman sitting next to him was beginning to stir…. Waiting until her eyes were all the way open, he said, “Hey.. pretty lady… want to go see our little girl? She’s out of surgery now.”
“Oh… Roman… of course I do.. What did the doctor say?” she said, sitting up carefully, as he had, trying not to wake up a sleeping little boy.
“Well… a lot of things actually,” he said, thinking about all the unrelated issues raised during the conversation. “But when it comes to Sami… he said that her appendix had already begun to rupture.. and.” He stopped when she gasped and put her hands over her mouth as she so often did when very worried or upset. “Oh no….” she cried out.
“Calm down, Doc…. he said she’s on IV antibiotics and some other medications to ward off infections. She’s critical, but she’s holding her own and he said the next 24 hours are crucial.”
“Hey… what’s going on… why are you crying Mommy? Daddy… what’s wrong… is it Sami?” asked Eric, anxiously upon awakening to see his mother trembling slightly and his father attempting to sound reassuring, but not really knowing what the future held.
“Yes, it’s about Sami and we’re about to go see her, buddy… Are you ready to take turns with your mother and me?”
“Can I go first?” Eric asked, as he hopped off his mother’s lap, more than eager to see his twin sister.
Seeing how worried Marlena was as she glanced across the hallway toward the room that housed their little girl temporarily, Roman offered to wait awhile, “Sure… why don’t you go in with your mother and I’ll wait out here for a few minutes?”
He touched her so….. being so considerate of her feelings and Marlena responded emotionally, trying to do the same for him, “Roman… are you sure about this… it’s okay if you want to go in before I do… really, I’ll understand. You’ve been with her all this time and you’ve probably… gotten so…close to her and I…..”
“Doc… don’t do that…..don’t compare. We both love them and they both love and need us… It wasn’t your fault that you weren’t here these past few years. Now, go on… get in there and see your daughter. I’ll be right outside and I’ll see her as soon as you’re through.”
With a grateful sigh, she leaned in to hug him saying, “Oh, Roman… thank you… I’ll be right out… and then you can see her too.”
Roman was nodding as they disengaged, and then said encouragingly, “She’s going to make it, Doc… Sami’s tough.. a fighter… just like her mother. I know she’s going to be okay.” Feeling supported and uplifted, Marlena nodded and gazed into his eyes, saying softly, “You always knew what to say to make me feel better… I’m so glad some things don’t ever change.”
“Me too, Doc…. me too,” he said, and that was the last word on the subject. Marlena took Eric’s hand and together they entered Sami’s room.
After they were safely inside, Roman’s thoughts briefly turned back to his encounter with the physician, leaving him wondering what it was all about, if the man were legitimate. Realizing he wouldn’t be able to truly put it out of his mind until he spoke with his friend Shane, Roman sighed wearily and went about finding the number, hoping the man wasn’t already off on assignment again.
Marlena paused a moment before she stepped into the room, looking back at Roman who gave her a slight but reassuring smile. Even when he was terribly afraid for his daughter’s life, he knew what Marlena needed and gave it without her having to ask. She returned his weak smile and nodded, then went on in, knowing she was carrying his strength with her. Once inside the room, there was an eerie silence. Sami was lying there, the precious little girl she adored, the girl whom she remembered as a delightful toddler, little more than a baby… was now seven years old and fighting for her life. It didn’t seem possible that five years could have passed by without her presence, five years of watching her children grow…. running in the moist green grass of summer, eating ice cream cones at the park, day trips to the lake, riding bikes, hopscotch on the driveway in front of their home… snowball fights in the winter… Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays…… So many experiences she’s missed sharing with her twins. Now, she was watching her baby lie there hooked up to numerous devices, wondering if she would lose Sami forever.
Eric stood near the door, not quite sure what to make of his sister’s appearance, what with all those funny looking tubes and things. Quietly, Marlena sat down next to the bed, taking a tiny hand in hers. “Oh.. my sweet Sami… you’re so innocent….why is this happening to you? I wish I could make you all better, baby,” she cried. It nearly broke her heart to see her child lying so still and silent. “I wish I could have those five years back… I wish I could find out who stole them from me,” she mused out loud, briefly getting off the subject.
“Mommy… will Sami get better?” asked Eric timidly, not wanting to further upset his mother, yet wanting to understand what had been happening. The operation was over and he sort of hoped that his sister would be all right after that. “When will she wake up?” he asked as he mustered the courage to come closer to the bed.
Reaching for her little boy’s hand, Marlena answered as best she could, “Sweety… I know this is hard to understand… but Sami is pretty sick right now because of her appendix starting to burst inside her body. She’s getting some medicine and we hope that will make her better, but it’s going to take awhile. Do you understand?”
“I think so…” he said nodding, then looking at his sleeping sibling for several long seconds before speaking again. “Mommy… I’m sorry I didn’t say something about her tummy ache coming back.. but she said not to.. on account Daddy would make us leave the carnival. I should have told… shouldn’t I?” Eric asked, as the tears welled up in his light blue eyes. “If I told… maybe she wouldn’t be so sick right now…I’m so sorry!” he cried.
Aching for her son, she stood up and wrapped her arms around her little boy, saying kindly, “Oh.. honey… no, it’s not your fault… please Eric… don’t blame yourself.. you couldn’t have known… it’s okay. We’re going to pray and we’re going to stay with her… and she’s going to be alright.. you’ll see,” Marlena encouraged. Her boy melted into her motherly embrace and wept softly.
Roman was pacing the halls, not wanting to overwhelm his daughter with too many people at once, but wishing he could be in there with her and the others. When at last he couldn’t take it anymore, he approached the door… looking in to see what was happening. Marlena was leaning in to hug a crying Eric and he wondered what was going on. Pushing the door open… he stepped inside, asking as calmly as he could under the circumstances, “Hey buddy… what’s got you so upset? Is it Sami.. is she worse, Doc?” he asked with a hint of the fearful anxiety that was pouring through his system.
“No… honey.. Eric is upset because he’s blaming himself for not telling us about Sami’s stomach ache earlier. He thinks that if he had told us sooner, Sami wouldn’t be so sick now.”
Leaning over so that he was at eye level, Roman reinforced what Marlena had just said, “Oh… no, Eric.. it’s not your fault… you didn’t know…. none of us did, buddy. Your Mom and I missed it completely, but these things happen. Besides… all of us sitting around blaming ourselves won’t help Sami get well.. so I say we focus on thinking positive thoughts.”
“Okay… I’ll say a prayer… I just learned one in Sunday School… and right after that Mommy came home. Maybe, it will work for Sami too,” Eric said, his expression much more cheerful.
“Maybe so… ” said Roman with a quiet smile, unexpectedly thinking of all the times he’d cried out to the heavens for an answer about why Marlena was taken from him so soon after he returned. There were some moments when he felt totally abandoned by the God to which his mother was so steadfastly devoted. But, now Marlena was home and he’d been thanking that same God, every few hours, as a matter of fact. Wasn’t it ironic? he was thinking, as he added, “Okay, buddy…. let’s do it,” while glancing over at Marlena, sensing her loving eyes upon him.
It was uncanny.. she was looking at him and he knew she was seeing into his heart, as she so often could. Marlena knew what he was thinking and reached out to take his hand in hers, as they all did, standing in a circle to pray. They had a moment of silence and then Eric began to speak softly, reverently as he’d been taught, “Dear God up in the heavens, please watch over us. Teach us how to love, take our pains and heal them. Give us strength to face the storms and thankful hearts when we see the sun. And God.. won’t you please make Sami get well? Amen.”
Roman and Marlena repeated the word after him, speaking simultaneously, “Amen,” and then there was silence again for several minutes. When they disengaged, Roman turned away from them for a moment or two, still thinking about how his prayers seemingly fell on deaf ears for such a long time. He had been angry at God and so lost without Marlena’s loving, stabilizing presence in his life, and it was only when he was ready to make a brand new life for himself that he was able to allow his heart to truly let go of that anger. And, then there she was, stepping out of the mist like an angelic vision of loveliness. The experience left him uncertain in his beliefs, questioning God’s concern and level of involvement in their every day lives.
Marlena watched him for a moment and surmised what he was thinking about. It had to be confusing for him. Stepping across the room, and then slipping her arms around him from behind, Marlena said, “Hey you…. a penny for your thoughts…”
“You mean a nickle…. inflation increased the price..” he said, knowing they needed to lighten the mood.
“Well, I guess you’re worth it,” she teased. Then turning more serious, she stepped around him so she could see his face and look into his eyes, “What is it, Roman… I could see something was going on in that brain of yours the minute Eric mentioned praying for Sami.”
“It’s nothing, Doc.. forget about it… really,” he said working to paste a smile on his face, thinking that now was not the time or the place.
Her hands on his cheeks, she pressed him a little, concerned for him, “Roman… don’t do that… don’t pretend with me. I know you too well… tell me.”
A long sigh escaped almost involuntarily, one of mixed emotions… Relief that he was known so well, and reluctance because he didn’t want her feeling bad for him when they should be focused on Sami and her recovery. “All right.. when he talked about prayer… I started to remember what it was like when I thought you died…. Do you know that I saw that crash a thousand times in my dreams? And I prayed… and I was *so* angry. I wanted you back so badly… I kept praying… but he didn’t answer me.. and somewhere along the line I just… stopped. I gave up, Doc… I accepted that he wasn’t going to give me the miracle I was begging for. And, then five years later, you come home out of the blue… I don’t know what to think about that.”
“Think of it as a… delayed miracle… we have our second chance and now we have to pray for Sami, that she’ll be restored to health.”
He had to smile at that… and shake his head at her undaunted spirit… “Yea… we did get our miracle, didn’t we.. I am *so* incredibly grateful for that….however it happened, I really am, Doc… but I just wonder about God… and what praying really does.. that’s all.”
“I can see how you would wonder about it… but I guess we don’t have to understand it all. Sometimes, we just have to go on faith and trust that it will all work out in the end.”
He was suddenly gazing adoringly into her hazel eyes and his right hand moved to caress her left cheek, his knuckles lightly brushing her skin. “You know something Doctor Evans… I have *missed* you…. and the way you make me feel. Whenever I was frustrated and angry about not remembering, you were always right there to encourage and support me, to help me see it from a more positive vantage point. I love you.. so much!” he whispered with intensity as he drew her into the comfort of his arms, relishing the sensation of being next to her. And his inner spirit spoke to God on his behalf, ‘Thank you God.. for allowing her to come back to me. I’ll keep her safe from now on.. and I’ll treasure every moment we have together.’
She smiled and her eyes seemed even brighter. “And I am very glad to be back, my love… I’ll always be by your side… Nothing will ever come between us again.”
Drawing out of the hug to meet her gaze, he said with conviction, “That’s a fact…. pretty lady, because I won’t let it. From now on, I’m going to make it my mission in life to keep you safe… I don’t want you to miss another minute of time with the kids and all the other people you love.”
There was something in his demeanor that worried her. It wasn’t anything specific, just a sense she had about that underlying anger and frustration. She knew that Roman felt like they were robbed, and he wanted to confront those responsible, to make them pay somehow, as Orpheus had done. She remembered seeing that hateful vengeful look in the other man’s eyes…. and there had been a hint of it in Roman’s blue ones every now and then. Marlena knew that when they were home, safe in Salem, he was going to pour himself into the task of finding those who had kept them apart and learning the reason behind it all. She had very little memory about her missing years, but thinking of Roman coming up against whomever had her all that time frightened her immensely. For herself, Marlena wanted to move on and resume her life as best she could, but he was desperate to make sense out of what happened and why, mostly so he could eliminate the threat to her safety, she believed, and partly to assuage his guilt for having moved on. She wanted to help him with that too. Therefore, even though it pained her to think of what might have taken place, she made a vow to work at recapturing the memories… in order to help the man she loved come to terms with it and move on.
Their silent thoughts were interrupted by the soft sounds of a raspy little voice… “Daddy?”
Three heads snapped to attention, and then all three of the visitors rushed to her bedside… “Sami… oh, Peanut… you really had us worried there for awhile,” said Roman with a huge sigh of relief.
“Daddy…. I’m thirsty and a little hungry too… Can I have something to eat and drink?” she asked cheerfully, completely oblivious to the worry on her family member’s faces.
“Oh.. Sami… I’ll go check on what’s okay for you to have and I’ll be right back sweety, ” said Marlena with her own sigh. Sami wasn’t at all traumatized… she was prepared to go along as if nothing at all had happened. The innocent, positive spirit of a child was something to behold.
Eric, who was not sure how to take the change in atmosphere had to say something about it, “Sami… I was so worried about you… Daddy said you could have died… you had you appendix out.”
“What’s a pendix?” she asked innocently. She was on medication and feeling no pain, so it didn’t seem like anything was wrong and she didn’t remember collapsing at the fair.
Roman had a hard time keeping himself from laughing, as he scooted a chair up close to the bed and began to explain it as best he could. “Well.. let me see if I can answer that one…” he said with a warm smile, feeling thankful to have his little girl wide awake and looking so good.
Marlena stood back in the frame of the door, watching her family for a moment or so. Eric had hopped up on his father’s lap and Roman was pulling his shirt out of his blue jeans so he could show them where the appendix was located and tell them what little he knew about the surgery. They giggled at the way he told the story and she thought of what a gift he seemed to have. The kids just gravitated to him… he was speaking on their level, making everything seem interesting and he taught them without them even knowing they were learning. Roman Brady had become a wonderful father to their children in her absence, but he didn’t seem to know how good he was with them. It was completely natural. Marlena made it a point to tell him so, when next she had the chance. With another happy sigh, she stepped out into the hallway and bumped smack dab into Nathan Caine, whom she had not met, having been asleep when he spoke with Roman earlier.
Startled, she jumped and then recovered quickly, “Oh… Hello, Doctor… I was just coming out to see you and let you know that Sami had awakened. And, if you can believe it.. she’s hungry.”
“Well, that’s good news,” he said with a smile. “She can have a little jello… something easy for her system. I’ll let the nurses know.”
As he turned and walked away, Marlena couldn’t shake the sense that she knew him somehow. He looked so familiar and that voice…. where had she heard that voice before? She watched him a little while longer and then shook if off. ‘Hmm… maybe I heard him speaking to Roman earlier and just didn’t realize it. Oh, well… it’s not important,’ she was thinking as she turned and stepped back inside the room, not wanting to miss out on one more minute of family time. She was home, Roman had once again professed his undying love for her, and Sami was going to be okay. All was right with the world and she had no time to dwell on much more than resuming the life she’d been kept from for so very long.
Finally, they were back at the cabin, enjoying the peace and serenity of the woods. Sami was alright, but she needed another day or so to recuperate before being discharged from the hospital. Their little girl was resting comfortably and they were all exhausted and needed at least one good night’s sleep, so Roman had called Abe and told him the situation. Therefore, they had even more time to enjoy each other and become a family again. Marlena was in heaven…. It was Sunday afternoon…. they had just come from seeing Sami, who was recovering well and in good spirits but feeling drowsy. Roman had fallen asleep in the hammock while supposedly reading the latest novel by Robert Ludlum, and Eric was down at the creek fishing. Marlena was making the rounds checking on them and calling in to the hospital periodically. She felt at peace with herself and the future. The past she’d lost didn’t seem to matter much as long as she knew that this was the way she would spend the rest of her life, raising her twins with the man she loved beyond measure.
She was slightly amazed that it all seemed to be coming together so nicely, so quickly… when suddenly she had a thought about what it might be like when they finally did return to Salem. How would Roman handle breaking off his relationship with Isabella? She knew that it wouldn’t be easy for him by any stretch of the imagination, and they hadn’t talked about that part of it yet. He did love the other woman, or he would never have asked her to marry him. Marlena knew it would upset him greatly to cause the other woman pain. When he loved, he loved deeply and he would grieve the loss for awhile. She needed to be patient with him, to give him the time he needed without making demands of him.
But how could she keep herself from feeling jealous of the connection he shared with the other woman? It was evident that Roman had a strong friendship bond with his “Izzy B,” as did the other members of the Brady clan, including Marlena’s own precious twins. That was clear from the interactions she observed at the party in the couple’s honor. The Brady’s had welcomed her completely into their family. They loved her as a daughter too. She wondered how they would all deal with the break up, and about whether Roman would want to continue that friendship… Would Isabella use her bond with the children to keep him tied to her in some way? There were so many questions, so many issues to face upon their return to the real world that Marlena found herself feeling nervous about it and wishing they didn’t have to go back so soon.
Bo Brady sat with his feet resting on top of the desk staring toward the door to his new office, still somewhat disbelieving that he’d actually followed through with his plans to become a private detective. He’d gone so far as to start a business of his own with his half sister, Isabella Toscano, currently his older brother’s fiance. “Isabella, didn’t you hear me?” asked Bo, somewhat impatiently, making a tapping noise with his pen when she didn’t respond to his queries.
“What? Oh, Bo I’m sorry, I guess I’m just having trouble concentrating today. What were you saying?” she said apologetically.
“Well, I was just going over the plans for renovating these offices… again. How do they look to you?” he asked, having a fairly good idea why she was distracted. She was wondering how Roman’s trip was going and whether the relationship between he and Marlena was being renewed. Bo knew Isabella feared it would be if Roman spent a significant length of time with Marlena and away from his current fiance.
Isabella hesitated, uncertain what to say about it, knowing he would be upset with her. Finally, she opted for honesty. “Well, to tell you the truth, Bo, I’m not sure that all of this is what I want anymore,” she said waving her arm the room in which they sat, her point clear.
Her partner-to-be was shocked by that response, sitting up instantly at the implications of her statement, “What do you mean Isabella? We’ve been talking about this for months now! How can you say you’re not….” He started to ask, then stopped short when he saw the pained expression on her face. “Isabella, what’s wrong?”
She didn’t reply at first, only able to respond to the internal stimulus which was some rather intense pain in her belly, groaning as a result. “Oh…” When the sharp stabbing sensation subsided, she managed to answer, “I don’t know… really, I’ve had some… pains in my abdomen lately, probably just the stress… you know.. I always did have a weak stomach when I was under pressure, Bo,” she added when she saw that brotherly protectiveness in his eyes.
“Are you sure? It looked like more than that to me,” Bo countered worriedly. I think you should get in to the Doctor to have it checked out.”
“Oh, brother of mine, you are such a worry wort. It’s probably nothing at all. I haven’t been eating and sleeping well for the past few days… that’s probably all it is,” she said discounting his concern, yet wondering about it herself. It felt somewhat like cramps and she *was* slightly overdue for her period. Probably just because of the stress,’ she said again to convince herself, wanting a logical explanation for the symptoms. ‘Yea, that’s probably it… nothing to worry about. In a couple of days, I’ll be starting my period and I’ll have my answer.’
Wanting to believe her and having no other cause for concern at the moment, he backed off and asked her about her previous statement. “Alright then, suppose you tell me about why you’re rethinking all of this. I thought you really wanted to become a private detective and start an agency, with me as your partner.”
“Well, my life is about to change in some very big ways and I’m not sure if being a private detective fits in very well with those changes.”
She was making excuses, or so it seemed. Bo knew better. Isabella was afraid that Roman was not going to marry her, that he was going to return to his wife and she would be left out in the cold. Therefore, going into business with her former fiance’s younger brother was not such an attractive proposition as it was when she truly believed they would be related by blood and marriage. “This is about Roman, isn’t it?”
Isabella glanced away, working to come up with some alternate reason for her reconsideration, but ultimately deciding on the truth once again, “Yes… Bo, we might as well face the facts of the matter… he’s going to choose Marlena, I know it in my heart… and so do you. It was basically decided the night she came back.”
Bo wanted to argue with her, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure, but there had been something in the way his older brother was acting right before leaving on the trip that tipped him off. Nodding his head with understanding, Bo essentially concurred by saying, “And….working every day with his kid brother would serve as a constant reminder of what you’ll be missing out on. Is that what’s bothering you about all of this?”
The tears were right there ready to flow when she allowed herself to actually consider what it might be like if he chose the other woman. ‘No.. not the other woman, she’s his wife’ Isabella told herself internally. This was not your typical “torn between two lovers,” scenario. She only nodded at first and then when the flow of moisture receded slightly, she was able to say, “Yes, that’s about the size of it, Bo.”
Handing her a box of tissue, her brother tried to be encouraging, “Isabella, don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself a little bit here? Roman hasn’t made any decisions yet.”
Although she knew he was only trying to help, somehow it made her mad to hear him make the attempt at convincing her she was premature in drawing that conclusion. “Hasn’t he, Bo? Then let’s suppose you tell me why he’s spending the weekend with her. Bo, she’s been back for less than a week and he’s with Marlena and the twins at Green Mountain. You figure it out,” she finished with a frustrated sigh, standing up for something to do.
Bo didn’t quite know what to say to his sister. His eyes followed her across the room as he answered, “That’s so he can get to know her again, and so she can have some special time with the kids, there’s no commitment happening yet. You still have a chance at sharing your life with him, at least if you don’t give up before you ever get started.”
She was touched by his efforts, and turned to face him, saying more calmly, “Nice try, Bo… but we both know better. He’s with her right now and they’re probably already planning their future together.”
“Not necessarily, Isabella. He loves you… you know that’s true. He won’t just walk away from you so easily.”
“Look, Bo.. you’re my half brother and I know what you’re trying to do here, but… ” She stopped short as the pain took hold once again. It was worse this time…and she doubled over, “Oh…Bo…it hurts…” she said, clutching at her belly. “Something’s wrong…”
Before he could scamper out around from behind the desk, she collapsed and fell to the floor. She was unconscious when he reached her side. After calling 911, Bo performed standard first aide while waiting for the EMT’s to arrive.
Two hours later, Bo Brady was pacing the halls as his parents looked on with worry. “I think we should call him, don’t you?” Bo asked for the third time.
“Well, yes, but we really don’t know much yet, Bo… don’t you think we should wait a little while, at least until they tell us something?” suggested his mother, reminding him why they hadn’t done so as yet.
It was strange to be in this position, but he was compelled to help Isabella, whom he now perceived as vulnerable. “I guess so, but I still think he should be here for her. She’ll do so much better if he’s with her. I know he and Marlena and the twins need this time to get to know each other again, but Isabella needs him too.”
As they continued to discuss the question of when to call Roman and what to say to him when they did, Dr. Tom Horton came out to let them know how the patient in question was doing. He wasted no time on pleasantries, saying directly, “Well, I know you’re all very concerned. She is out of immediate danger though there are some problems we’re addressing. She wanted you all to know she’s feeling alright for the moment and she does not want you to worry about her. It was evident from the way he paused and from his slightly hidden eyes that there was more to tell, but confidentiality prevented him from revealing further details of Isabella’s condition.
“Did you ask her about calling Roman?” Bo asked quickly.
“Yes… and she said absolutely not. She will call him, if and when she’s ready to do so. She appreciates everyone’s concern but doesn’t want him contacted. Isabella feels his time with Marlena and the children is very important and she doesn’t want to disturb him. She’ll decide what to tell him, if anything, when he returns.”
The way he spoke left no room for argument. Isabella was as stubborn as anyone he knew once she’d made up her mind. Ignoring that issue for the moment, Bo jumped right in with the pressing question, “But, what’s wrong with her, Doctor Horton?” he asked insistently.
“Yes…. what could have happened to make her pass out like that?” asked a worried Caroline.
“Yea, can’t you tell us what caused the pain?” Bo followed immediately after his mother.
Putting his hands up in a defensive gesture, Tom replied calmly, but firmly, “She has asked me not to give any details. When she’s ready, I’m sure she let you all know what’s going on. I’m sorry, but I can’t say anything more than that.”
As the physician turned to go, they were all aghast. This kind of secretiveness was so unlike Isabella. It was clear that something serious was happening and she didn’t want anyone to worry about her. More importantly, it was painfully obvious that she didn’t want Roman to be placed in the position of choosing her over Marlena because there was something wrong with her. If he chose her, she wanted it to be purely because of his love for her. The gathering of friends heaved a collective sigh as those thoughts crossed all their minds, their eyes communicating the message that all of them were in for some rather disconcerting times once Roman, Marlena and the twins returned from their long weekend in the mountains.
Bo didn’t want to leave it at that and neither did Isabella’s friend Jennifer Rose Horton. The two of them looked at each other and nodded, and then Jennifer rushed off down the hallway after her grandfather.
Touching him on the sleeve to regain his attention, she said, “Grandpa…. wait a minute. You can’t just leave us hanging that way.. we need to know something at least. “
“I’m sorry, Jennifer, but that’s the way Isabella wants it right now. She doesn’t want any of you worrying about her and she doesn’t want to interrupt Roman and Marlena’s time with the twins. She knows how important it is for all of them to spend some time together as a family. Jennifer, she’s resting comfortably, why don’t you go in and see her. I’m sure she’d appreciate it very much… and Bo too.”
“Thanks Grandpa… that makes sense. Isabella will have to decide what she wants people to know… It’s understandable, I guess..” Jennifer concluded, as it suddenly occurred to her what one of the concerns might be. ‘What if Isabella were pregnant?’ Jen had noticed that her friend hadn’t been feeling too well in the mornings since she’d come to stay. It made her wonder in hindsight.
In her mind, Jennifer played out the hypothetical situation to its natural conclusion, with all the resulting complications in the relationships between Roman, Marlena and Isabella. “Oh, Isabella…” she said out loud with a worried sigh. It would be hard enough if Isabella were carrying Roman’s child under normal conditions, but what if it were a high risk pregnancy where maintaining a low level of stress was imperative in order for the pregnancy to go full term? What if there were some other problem with her health?
Deciding there were too many questions and not enough answers, Jennifer turned around, planning to head toward her friend’s room, and instead ran smack dab into Bo Brady.
“Well?” he asked anxiously, “what’d you find out?”
Frustrated herself, Jennifer sighed and recounted the obvious, “I found out that Isabella doesn’t want any of us to know what’s going on with her right now.”
“And?” Bo asked, sensing from her facial expression that there was much more to the story than she was letting on. “So, what do you think it is Jen?”
“Well, to be perfectly honest, Bo… I’m guessing that maybe….Isabella is pregnant and having some.. complications. I’m also willing to bet she doesn’t want Roman to know about any of it. I think she wants to make sure he doesn’t choose her because he feels obligated to her or because he’s worried or feels sorry for her in some way.”
After contemplating it for a moment or two, Bo said, “Sounds likely… yea, it sounds just like her. So, what do we do? I know my brother, Jen, he would want to be there for her in any way he could. It’s not fair of her to hold out on him, but I can understand why she might not want to tell him. If it’s true and he chooses her after she tells him, she’ll always wonder whether or not it was because of the baby.”
Jennifer sighed worriedly, thinking of what it might be like to be in that position. Snapping out of her musings about what the future held, she said, “Oh, what an awful place to be in. She must feel so all alone right now. Even if that’s not it… we need to be there for her, Bo… Come on, let’s go see her.”
“Yea… we do,” he agreed, taking her hand and guiding them both toward his sister’s room. “And we will be, Jen… every step of the way.”
“Oh, and Bo…let’s keep this between us… it wouldn’t be fair to talk about it with anyone else… especially not Roman and Marlena, not until Isabella decides what she’s going to do.” Bo only nodded at first, feeling like his brother had a right to know, but realizing Isabella did have a right to privacy…. and then not certain he could keep quiet, muttered, “Yea…okay.”
A short time later, they sat next to the bed, waiting for Isabella to awaken and tell them something. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she opened her eyes.
“Well, it’s about time, lady… when you decide to take a nap in the middle of the day, you don’t mess around,” Bo teased.
She smiled in spite of the circumstances. “Yea, well… a girl needs a break once in awhile.”
“So, what’s going on, Isabella? What’s wrong with you?” Jen blurted without warning. “We’ve been so worried about you, you know…”
Working hard not to give herself away, she sat upright and discounted the concern again. “Well, you didn’t need to, I only fainted.. nothing to worry about, okay? The doctor says I’m going to be just fine as long as I eat right and get enough sleep. Jen, you know I haven’t been doing either, since… ” She stopped, not wanting to repeat the obvious.
“Since Marlena came back and you moved out of the house, you mean,” Bo finished, thinking she needed to talk about it. “Listen Isabella… whatever’s going on here… don’t you think Roman has a right to know… he is engaged to you…”
Angry and afraid all at once, she blew off steam at him, crying out her perception of reality, “Was, Bo… he *was* engaged to me! In case you hadn’t noticed there’s no ring on my finger!” she snapped, thrusting her unadorned left hand in her brother’s direction.
Jennifer and Bo had nothing to say to her about that reality. It was her decision and it made sense logically, though it was very clear she was hurting terribly. After all, a man couldn’t very well be married to one woman and engaged to another at the same time. At least not in Salem Illinois he couldn’t. Still, even if he weren’t officially engaged to her any longer, and even if he *had* chosen Marlena already, Roman would want to know what was happening. He would want to be there to support her, come what may. Unfortunately, there was no convincing Isabella of that. She secretly vowed to reveal only what was absolutely necessary, once she knew for certain what she was facing.
They were still relaxing in the late afternoon sun when the telephone rang. Eric was down at the lake where he’d parked himself for the afternoon, Roman was resting on the loveseat on the front porch, and Marlena, who had dozed off briefly while reading the latest Maeve Binchy novel, jumped at the sound. “Hello, she said when her breathing slowed down enough to converse intelligibly.
The caller hesitated and she asked again, “Hello… “
“Hi, Marlena it’s me, Bo… how’s it going up there?” he asked, wanting to guage the situation before deciding exactly what he was going to tell them.
It was odd… the weekend was wonderful, all except for one major crisis, which thankfully had turned out alright. “Fine…. Aside from the fact that Sami had an emergency appendectomy, it’s been perfect.” She said it almost matter of factly and his reaction was slow, as the words she’d spoken took time to sink in.
“What? Is she okay?” Bo asked, suddenly at greater attention, alarmed by that news and wondering if he should tell them the other situation at all.
“Yes, thank God… it was a little scary there for awhile, but she’s just fine now. We’ve all been trying to relax and catch up on a little sleep, so we didn’t call. We were going to tell everyone when we arrived home tomorrow. Sami’s resting comfortably. We just left her a couple of hours ago and she was sound asleep.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, Bo chose that moment, to launch into the other matter. “Oh, that’s okay, Marlena… I understand completely. I’m just really glad she’s okay. Listen, if he’s easily available, I was wondering if I could speak to Roman….there’s something I need to tell him.”
“That sounds serious, Bo…what’s it about?” Marlena asked, realizing it had to be important if Bo were making special effort to call them. Besides, his tone gave him away.
There was a long pause…. “Isabella, it’s about Isabella,” he finally said, after agonizing over it a little longer, not that he hadn’t already. Isabella had made it quite clear she didn’t want him to call his brother. Going against her wishes was not something he took lightly.
“Oh,” was all she said. It was all she needed to say. “Of course, I’ll get him for you in a moment.” She tried to be pleasant, but the change in the sound of her voice made her perspective obvious. She resented the intrusion, even as a part of her realized it had to be important if Bo were the one doing the calling and not the woman herself.
She walked slowly toward the porch of the log cabin, mentally preparing herself to go back to Salem. She paused one moment, considering just saying that he was asleep and therefore couldn’t come to the phone. Knowing him the way she did, and acknowledging that playing games wasn’t her style, she spoke to the man she loved, “Roman, honey… your brother is on the line. I think he has some.. news,” she said, making an educated guess that it was vital information Bo intended to impart.
“News?” he asked, sitting up immediately, wiping away the imaginary cobwebs, “What kind of news, Doc? Did something happen to Mom and Pop?” he asked as the thought suddenly occurred.
“No, they’re fine, Sami’s fine… it’s Bo and he’s calling about… Isabella. I don’t know any details,” Marlena said flatly, handing him the phone.
Hazel met blue and exchanged meanings without words… their fantasy time was over… the real world in all its complexity was rearing its ugly head. They had to go back and face difficult decisions. “Oh, okay… thank you, Marlena… I’ll uh.. I’ll just be a minute,” he said apologetically, but didn’t speak into the telephone right away, waiting for her to step out of earshot. Curious about the reason for the call, Marlena lingered as long as possible before heading down toward the lake where Eric was still trying to land the “big one.”
Watching Marlena with Eric brought a smile to his face… she was so good with the kids. And, they were taking to her again so quickly that it made him feel much better about the decision he’d come to about his future and which woman he truly loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. “Hey, Bo… what’s going on?” he asked, realizing as he did so that something very serious must be happening if his brother were calling on Isabella’s behalf.
Not wanting to be in this position, Bo sighed wearily and told him straight…”Well, Roman… She didn’t want me to call you, but I decided I had to anyway. Isabella was admitted to the hospital today Roman….and they’re not telling us anything. She’s putting up a brave front, but we all know she’s really upset about whatever it is. Only problem is.. she won’t open up to anyone, not even to Jen.”
That was alarming… those two had become best of friends and Izzy was staying with Jack and Jen… “Well.. what happened to her… Is she in a lot of pain… was it an accident, what Bo?” he asked worriedly, suddenly feeling a renewed connection to his fiance. Regardless of the choice he was prepared to make, he did love her. Those feelings couldn’t just be turned off like a light switch.
“She had some pains… in her abdomen… and then she doubled over and collapsed when she was at the office with me…I called 911 and they took her to University. So far, nobody will tell us anything. She’s been crying… and she’s… Roman, she’s really scared but she doesn’t want you to… “
Roman finished the sentence… making sure Marlena wasn’t hearing him. No sense hurting her unnecessarily. With a sigh, he shared his own conclusion, “She doesn’t want me to choose her because something is wrong with her, but she really needs me right now.”
“Yea… that’s about the size of it… and Roman… I hate to be the one to tell you this… but Jennifer… she…. Oh, man… maybe I shouldn’t….” Bo stopped and started, trying to determine if he was on the side of right or wrong in telling Roman of their best guess about the situation.
“What, Bo! Tell me…” Roman insisted… “What do you think it is?” he asked, wishing he were there so he could read Bo’s body language.
“It’s not me… but when I think about it… she could be right,” Bo was saying as his mind took him back to a few instances where there were other symptoms that made sense in light of new information.
At this point, Roman was beyond curious and becoming frustrated with what was unvoiced. “Who could be right about what, Bo? For God’s sake, just tell me!”
Deciding that there was no easy way to say it, no way to soften the blow, Bo breathed out a long sigh born of mixed emotions, and answered the question, “Roman, from what Jennifer and I have seen… there’s pretty good reason to suspect..” He stopped again, wishing there were some other way to break the news, “Oh, man… Roman, we think she might be… pregnant…”
There was dead silence on the line for a long time… and then finally, Bo heard a soft horrified gasp. “Oh…oh, no… I mean… I don’t know what I mean… Bo, if that’s true… then.. why is she in the hospital? Do they think there are serious complications? How far along is she?” Of course Bo couldn’t know any of those things, Roman was just reacting out loud, his mind reeling from the speed of the changes in his life.
Understanding his brother’s response completely… Bo said, “That’s just it, Roman.. she’s not talking to anybody right now about what’s happening. She was dead set against me calling you… so, there’s going to be hell to pay when she finds out about it.”
Roman turned around to the sounds of a woman crying softly… “Oh, no.. Marlena… did you?”
All she could manage was a tearful nod of the head….Roman turned his attention to the caller very briefly, “Bo, listen… I’ve gotta go… tell her…. No, don’t tell her anything… I’m coming home… as soon as possible and we’ll figure things out from there. Thanks for calling and for taking the brunt of Izzy’s anger when she finds out what you did. I appreciate it little brother. You did the right thing.”
“Anytime, Bro… and thanks for saying that, it was a tough decision to make. Good luck… I know what you’re all facing won’t be easy to deal with… hang in there.” It was hard enough before, but now Roman and the two women he loved were in the most difficult of situations, and Bo wondered how they could all get through it without a heck of a lot of suffering.
There was no time to think of all that now, Marlena’s feelings were of utmost importance, so Roman wisely declined to comment. “Yea… I’ll see you soon, Bo.” With that he hung up and turned to face his lady, but she was nowhere to be seen. “Aww.. Doc… it’s going to be okay… really it is,” he said to the empty cabin, hoping she didn’t fall or hurt herself in her hasty retreat. When he caught up with her, she would probably tell him she needed some time alone, some time to think, but that didn’t matter to him. Roman knew it wasn’t what she really wanted or needed for that matter. What she needed was his arms around her, what she needed was to hear him say that his choice was firm and that the possibility of a pregnancy for Isabella didn’t change anything. As he raced down the trail that led toward the woods, he wondered if he could give her all of that… What if Isabella did turn out to be carrying his child? Should that impact his choice… Of course it should, shouldn’t it? But then again, was that any way to make a decision about love, bowing to obligation?
A hundred different questions like that came to mind as he ran to catch up with the woman who had captured his heart from the first moment he remembered seeing her… at least the second time… when he was so lost and all alone in the world. How could he forsake his commitment to her, even if Izzy were carrying his child? A baby… I might be having another baby.. Wow! He went from excitement to confusion, followed by sadness. How should I feel about it? Shouldn’t I be happy? But… Doc is so hurt… In his churned up state of mind, he turned to his mother’s favorite source of peace and comfort, thankful for her example, ‘Oh, God… if we ever needed you… it’s now… help us all do what’s right, God.. and please… give me the words to say to Marlena right now. I love her… I really love her and I want to make her happy, if I can. Please give me the wisdom to know what to do in this situation.”
When he finished his prayer, he stopped his forward progress in response to the familiar sounds he was hearing. It was a noise he always hated, the soft mournful cries of the woman he loved with every part of himself. Marlena was alone and weeping and he was compelled to go to her, and stay with her, even if she tried to send him away. “Marlena?” he called out with tenderness she found hard to resist.
Still, he might become a father again, with another woman… If it were true, she believed she had to give him up, so that he could make a family with his fiance. They were going to need him more than she and the twins did; the twins were older. The more she dwelled on the details, the more she sobbed, almost uncontrollably. “Marlena… come on… we need to talk about this, you know we do,” he was calling to her, sounding so considerate, so loving. This possibility was so symbolic of the entire issue and she just didn’t feel she could face him, not this way.. If he saw how much pain she was in he would never allow her to make that kind of a sacrifice, so she started to leave the area without answering him. Marlena needed to regain control over her emotions so that she could let him go without weeping in front of him. She knew she was asking the impossible of herself, but she was dedicated to trying.
Just as she began to run further down the path on the forest floor, Marlena looked up and there he was, having looped around her somehow. “Oh, Roman!” she exclaimed with a start, her body trembling at the sight of him, winded but standing tall. He loved her deeply and he was willing to do most anything to keep her with him. That meant something, didn’t it?
Still breathing hard from the exertion of chasing down the path after her, he wasted no time, “Marlena… I know that.. you heard what I said to Bo… and I think we need to… talk about it… don’t you?” he asked, not really giving her an option, having blocked the path she would have to take to leave the area.
“No, I don’t, not now… please,” she said, trying to push past him, her tear filled eyes pleading with him not to force the issue.
He stepped closer, his hands gently grasping her at the shoulders, “Yes, now…Marlena. We need to talk about it now, when you’re upset, when you’ll be honest with me about how you feel. Marlena I love *you* and no matter what happens, that will never change,” he said, looking straight into her fearful eyes.
She knew it was true, but there was an omission. “But you love her too… and now she might be….”
Wincing at her pained expression as he admitted that truth, he said the painful words, “Yes… I do…love her and yes…she “might” be pregnant. We don’t know that for sure, but even if she is, Doc.. I told you, I’ve made up my mind, I care about Isabella, but I choose you, Marlena Evans, now and forever.” All he wanted to do was hold her and kiss away the pain, but he knew that was no solution. They had to face this one head on… and so he let her pull away, even though it made him ache inside not to have her in his arms.
Dragging herself away from his tenderness, she tried to be rational about it, “But what about the baby? Are you telling me that you’re just going to.. walk out on Isabella, you’re just going to let her face this alone, when it’s *your* child she’s carrying? Because if you are… then you’re not the man I married five years ago!” It was agony to speak to him this way, but she was compelled, for the sake of an unborn child…
“What?” he asked, flabbergasted by her attitude, walking around her to give him something to do. “What the hell are you saying, Marlena… that you *want* me to go back to her if she’s pregnant… that you don’t want a man who can choose you over a pregnant woman, is that it? I don’t get this, Marlena… I don’t get it at all!” he finished, feeling utterly confused about what this woman, whom he loved so deeply, wanted and needed from him.
She realized she’d hurt him and decided to take another approach to help him understand. “Obviously…. Roman, if Isabella is pregnant, and she’s in the hospital, that means there could be some complications. What if the pregnancy is fragile…and…”
He hadn’t thought that far and basically said so, “We’ll deal with it as it comes… I can’t solve all the problems up front, but…” he paused, stepping closer to take her in his arms yet again. Then, staring directly into her moist hazel eyes that were the window to her soul, he said with intensity and conviction, “Marlena, no matter what happens, you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, not Isabella… You were the one who kept… pushing me to admit it to myself.. Well, I have Doc… I have… and now…you’re acting as if you want me to be with her! I don’t understand!”
It caused too much pain to even think of it and she was growing weary of the spirited discussion. “Roman, you’re right, this is all useless speculation anyway…. What we have to do now, is go back to Salem. You have to see her and find out what’s going on. Then, we’ll all have some decisions to make.”
She was making him mad now, and his voice was laced with the frustration of feeling like he wasn’t being heard, “Doc, when are you going to get it? I’ve made my decision!”
All she could do was shake her head… and cry softly as she turned away from him. When she caught her breath, she whispered without meeting his gaze, “I’ll go and… pack our things… you go get Sami at the hospital… alright?”
He nodded, fearing what he heard in her tremulous voice and felt when she pulled away, “Yes, alright… if that’s what you really want.. I was thinking we could all go and get her though,” he offered tentatively.
It was all she could do not to break down again; therefore, she was compelled to send him away for a little while so she could begin to contain the flood of fearful sadness she was feeling inside, “No, Roman…I just… need some time to sort this out. Please, go pick up Sami first and come back here. I should be ready by then.”
Not about to let her leave thinking she was going to let him go, Roman re-emphasized his perspective. “Okay… but you just remember one thing while you’re thinking and packing up… I *love* you, Marlena, and you love me, and that’s a fact!” Placing his hands on her upper arms, bringing her near and capturing her mouth in a powerful stirring kiss that began very slowly but soon became a heated passionate blaze, Roman willed her to be affected by his ministrations.
It was Marlena who broke the contact, though it left her speechless and breathing a little faster. Roman, who felt rejected by her action, only stared at her then spoke passionately, unyielding on his point. “Nothing can take that away from us, not now and not ever… right, Doc?” Roman asked, practically begging her to agree with his powerful assertion about the strength and depth of their love.
“Right,” she answered with a weak smile. It was the best she could manage because she didn’t have his same confidence. Nonetheless, she was pleased with his efforts to make her feel secure about what the future held in store for them. Without another word, she turned and raced back up the path toward the cabin, leaving him to wonder whether it had ever been his decision to make. The thought suddenly occurred to him, striking terror in his heart, a heart that was so very sure of itself and its future only minutes earlier. What if Marlena walked away from him so that he would stand by the other woman in her time of need? What would he do then?
How quickly things could change. One minute Marlena was so happy… on top of the world, reunited with her love, back with her family and spending a long weekend in the mountains, a bright future on the horizon. Now, there was fear and uncertainty and an uncomfortable silence between them. Thankfully, the children took no notice of the sudden chill in the air. Marlena sighed, thinking, ‘Well, at least they’re not hurting’ as she looked at the man in the driver’s seat. Roman was deep in thought and not saying a word, his eyes fixed straight ahead, his attention presumably on the road.
Marlena glanced at him and then focused again on “The Twinners,” as their father so affectionately called them, marvelling at their ability to enjoy life no matter the circumstances, laughing and talking as they were, occasionally bickering about some toy or book. ‘Oh, to be young and innocent again,’ she thought. ‘What I wouldn’t give not to have to go back to Salem…. to stay in the mountains with Roman and the children, away from the rest of the world.’ However, she knew they couldn’t do that, the telephone call from Bo having smacked them in the face with the harsh reality of their situation. There were two women who wanted to be Mrs. Roman Brady and unfortunately, there was only one genuine article and he was on his way to see the potential usurper of the role.
Despite his words of assurance, Marlena doubted the certainty of his decision when faced with the becoming a father again, ‘Oh, dear Lord….don’t let her be pregnant…. please, don’t let that be it…’ she pleaded in silent desperation. Maybe it could be some trouble with blood sugar, or just the effects of stress and a few sleepless nights. Marlena didn’t wish the woman any misfortune, but she wanted her old life back as soon as possible. Oh, how she wished it could be something easy to treat and then they could get on with their lives… together. As for Isabella…. well, she could get on with hers too, alone. Life would be as it always should have been, the two of them raising their children together and sharing the rest of their lives.
Roman glanced in Marlena’s direction and upon seeing the slighly hidden fear in her moist eyes, reached his right hand over and grasped her left one, bringing it slowly to his mouth for a soft kiss. He didn’t say a word, just kissed her hand and gazed at her lovingly and with a sense of calm reassurance. Marlena sighed and then smiled in return, realizing how blessed she truly was to have known and loved him. Even as she knew he had to be worried about the other woman, concerned about what might be happening with her health, and wondering if he were the father of a child out of wedlock, Roman was thinking of what she needed. Then he provided her with it at precisely the proper moment. She was about to speak when he hushed her with his eyes and said with determination, “I’m always going to love you, Doc… that’s never gonna change. No matter what happens from here on out, I don’t ever want you to forget that. Okay, pretty lady?”
He touched her so.. and she squeezed his hand and told him as much, her voice filled with emotion, her eyes glinting with sweet satisfaction, “Oh… Roman… I love you too…. and I always will, honey… no matter what happens…”
Reaching out to touch her cheek with the back of his hand, he expounded on the theme, glancing back and forth between her and the road ahead, “That’s all we need, Doc… We can face anything as long as we know in our hearts that our love is forever. Now, I want you to listen to me okay? We’re going to go back to Salem and figure out what’s going on with Isabella. And then, when we know for sure that she’s going to be alright, I’m going to tell her that I’ve made my decision. I’m going to tell her that I’m still in love with my wife and plan to spend the rest of my life with her and our children.”
Tears sprang to her previously worried eyes and she had the peace of knowing that every word he said was true completely. Roman had made his choice. She had won his heart. “Roman…. you are so… wonderful to me… I love you so… and I want you to know… I’ll do whatever I can to make things easier for her… I know it’s going to be so hard for her… for both of you. And, I won’t.. push you… anymore.”
He was nodding with understanding and agreement… she was right, it was going to be very painful indeed. Making the decision when he was with Marlena and the kids alone in the woods was one thing, but standing there and telling Isabella to her face that their relationship was over was another matter entirely. It was going to hurt like hell to break off the engagement permanently. Roman did still love her…
However, the fact of the matter was… his deep and abiding love for Marlena surpassed any other love relationship, including those with Diana, whom he almost married, and a few others with whom he’d formed some kind of intimate connection while the golden haired beauty was gone from his life. Marlena Evans was his soul mate, his one and only “True Love,” and that was the one essential truth on which he could depend. His heart and soul had decided in the second he saw her on the pier and realized that she was real. It just took his mind a little bit longer, that’s all.
Smiling in admiration, he said, “I know you will.. you’re so compassionate, Marlena…that’s one of the things I love most about you. Isabella is a good person too, Doc… I wish… well, I wish that you could meet under different circumstances.. I think you might have been… I don’t know… friends maybe…” Seeing that it wasn’t the right direction to go with the conversation, Roman moved on quickly, “Anyway, she’ll understand and she… she won’t.. make things difficult for us. She’s always known how much I love you.”
Even though everything had been said, Marlena knew that when it came down to it, Roman would feel the real and lasting pain of loss when he broke up with Isabella, and he would feel sorrow for the other woman’s e had to remind herself to stay calm and just let things go….. ‘One step at a time, Marlena… He loves you… just trust him to handle this in the best way he can.’
Finally, she let out a breath she’d been holding and squeezed his hand, saying, as they approached the main lobby of the hospital, “Of course, Roman… we’ll be fine there until you come get us… You just… do whatever you need to do and we’ll be right there waiting.”
His sigh of relief was immense, the tension in the muscles of his face and neck easing visibly. “Thank you, Marlena… for trusting me to handle this… it’s going to be okay, I promise you…”
“I know it will, honey…. I believe in you, and our love… We’ll see you soon.”
The twins, who were starting to get used to the gushy stuff by this time, stepped aside and then looked for a coloring book or a Highlights magazine in the nearby waiting area just inside the doors where their parents stood staring at each other with moony eyes. There was another one of those strange and wonderful moments when the newly reunited couple didn’t quite know what to do…. standing there, ready to part for a time, uncertain whether to embrace or just go…
At last, Roman leaned in and brushed her lips with his, ever so gently. She responded by placing her arms around him and drawing him in, deepening the kiss… “Mmm… Roman…” she began to moan with pleasure, longing for so much more. He responded in kind…his hands upon her shoulders, pulling her near, his breathing quickening as his body began to feel the warmth of rising desire. Unfortunately, this was not the time or the place for such an open expression of love and affection. What they’d started would have to wait until things were settled.
Just as they began to disengage, their eyes locked in a powerful embrace all their own, a loud voice intruded on their moment of intimacy… seemingly ignorant to the fact that he’d broken up an important encounter. “Hey bro… boy am I glad you’re back in town! Come on, Isabella needs you… now..”
They practically jumped back, embarrassed and awkward as a couple of school kids caught sneaking a kiss in the corner of the coat room. “Oh, uh… hi Bo… we were just… uh….” Roman started, his voice trailing off…. Marlena didn’t say anything at all, she just looked down at the ground as she felt her face flush.
It finally dawned on Bo what his eyes had seen and he cracked a smile and said with tongue in cheek, “Oh, I see you two have been getting.. reacquainted. “
They didn’t say anything at first, only nodding and muttering words he couldn’t understand. Bo grinned and teased them a second time, “Geez, you’re acting like… a couple of teenagers… “
“Yea well.. so…. what’s going on, Bo?” Roman replied, ready to change the subject, already feeling awkward again as he anticipated seeing Isabella under less than ideal circumstances.
In all seriousness, Bo explained his urgency, “Well, I uh… she needs you, Roman…. it’s pretty rough for her right now..”
“Is she… going to be okay? I mean… you know is she….” Roman winced as the words tried to move from his mind to his mouth and wouldn’t cooperate. He wanted to know how she was and he just couldn’t say the “P” word in front of Marlena… it was just too weird!
“Roman, you’re going to have to see her. Like I said before, she’s not talking to anybody. She made the docs swear not to tell anyone what’s happening with her health, so nobody knows for sure what’s going on with her, except them.”
* * *
For a brief period of time, Isabella felt hopeful.. having awakened from some happy dreams. They were dreams of being with Roman and the twins, even Carrie… playing softball or soccer in the park, picnic lunches, strolling a newborn baby in a carriage, Thanksgiving and Christmas.. birthdays…. So many hopes and dreams for the life they planned to lead. Isabella prayed it was so… working hard to convince herself that because their love was new and vibrant, that he would ultimately choose her over the woman he believed was dead for five years. Once he knew about her surprise, Isabella wanted to believe it would cement their already strong bond. However, as her mind presented images of the other couple’s wedding in 1986, she imagined she heard his tender voice reciting a poem representing his love for Marlena. “Tis the true season of love…” She had to admit to herself that things began to change from the very first moment after the other woman returned to him, appearing out of the mist on the pier. Soon, Isabella found herself doubting and she began to weep out of fear over what might happen. Roman shared a deep and very intense love with Marlena Evans and it appeared that love was being rekindled. What if he were coming to tell her it was over?
* * *
‘Alright… I’m coming, Bo… Marlena… I’ll uh… see you later, then?” Roman questioned, hoping she’d just take the hint and leave him to his unenviable task.
“Of course, honey… we’ll see you soon.”
He only nodded in response and then watched her go until she was out of earshot before asking his younger brother another question. “Okay, little brother… tell me what’s going on… What does Jenn think? Is Izzy B pregnant or is it something different?”
“I’m not sure, Bro… but if I were a betting man, I’d be betting on the pregnancy… then it would make sense why she’s so intense about not telling anyone.”
“Yea…” was all Roman said, followed by a heavy sigh. “Well, I better get in to see her. What room is she in?”
“She’s in 413, Roman… and bro… whatever it is… she’s really scared. Jen’s been with her most of the time. I think Isabella might have told her something by now.”
Roman was nodding, feeling awful about the whole scenario that was developing… he was planning to leave her. The guilt was right there, waiting in the wings. “Okay… I’ll talk to her first… ” Looking into his little brother’s eyes, Roman added another comment, designed to ease his discomfort in having interrupted the family weekend. “And, thanks for calling me, Bo. You did the right thing.”
“Thanks for saying that, Roman… I’ve been second guessing myself all day. But in the end, I knew you’d want to know.”
“You’re right. Well, I better go see her now. I’ll come find you later… thanks again, little brother.” Bo only nodded in response and then watched as his brother made his way to the elevator that would take him into yet another difficult situation. Bo supposed that Isabella was pregnant and having complications, his belief cemented by the way his wife, his half-sister and good friend were acting.
“Good luck bro… I think you’re going to need it this time,” he said softly as a sad sigh escaped. Glancing skyward, the rebel with a cause tossed up a quick one, “God, if you’re up there, could you please watch over all of em’. I think they need you more than ever.”
Roman slowed his pace as he came nearer the designated room number. This was it, the moment of truth. He had to know what he was facing, what she was facing and then he would go from there. ‘Okay, Brady… here we go… you gotta know..’ Taking a deep breath or two and letting them out slowly, he prepared himself for anything, stopping short as his eyes fell upon the woman he had proposed to such a short time ago. She was lying on her side, cradling her belly and weeping steadily, her body trembling with the release… ‘Oh, Izzy… ‘ It was heartbreaking at best…to see her that way. Part of him wanted to turn tail and run from what was to come, but that wasn’t his style. One more breath and he stepped inside, his boot clad feet making enough noise to capture her attention. She turned toward the sound and her eyes went wide open with shocked surprise, “Roman? What are you doing here? I thought that….” She stopped short, realizing, of course, that his family had called him, presumably Bo. “I should have known he’d call you… I told him not to, you know..”
“Yea, I know… ” He stepped a little closer asking, “Why Izzy B? Didn’t you want my support? Did you think I wouldn’t care if you were sick?” Roman asked, a bit of frustration he didn’t know was there, sneaking out in his tone as he approached her bedside.
“No, that’s not it, Roman… really, I just… didn’t want to.. spoil your time with…your family.” She couldn’t say the other woman’s name and she couldn’t bear to use the word wife to describe the woman who had turned her world upside down by returning from the dead after five long years.
Sitting in the chair by the bed, he gently confronted her with his perspective, taking her right hand in both of his as a gesture of comfort, “Isabella, you have to know that if something is wrong with you, I would want to know it and I would want to.. be there for you. I…. care so much about you, don’t you know that by now?”
Panic struck her heart like a bolt of lightning and she snatched her hand away….. ‘Love… he didn’t say love… Does that mean?’ she was asking internally and then their eyes met for only the briefest of moments and she knew the answer. He didn’t say love because he’d made his decision, just as she thought. He went away for one lousy weekend and his fiance was ancient history, in favor of the great Saint Marlena… Damn you, Doc!’ she screamed inside her mind.
Sitting up straight in the bed, she just let her conclusion go… “So…you’ve made your choice, haven’t you, Roman?” she asked him, sounding as if it were an accusation rather than a question.
He couldn’t look at her again and Isabella Toscano needed no verbal confirmation, yet asked for one anyway. “I’ve lost you, haven’t I? You’ve decided to make a life with Marlena and your children….” She spoke softly at first, and then when he still wouldn’t look at her or speak, she raised her voice to a shout, “Well, haven’t you? Answer me, Roman! You owe me that much!”
Shaking his head, he found tears forming behind his eyes… Roman just didn’t know what to say… here she was in pain, emotional or physical or both and he was going to tell her he didn’t want to marry her? He was going to break off their engagement when such a short time ago he was making plans for a shared future with her? How could he do it? But on the other hand, how could he not tell her the truth when she was asking him for it so directly? Roman was paralyzed, at a loss for words to say that would make this moment somehow bearable for both of them. He would have done almost anything not to have to face her… not to have to break her heart. Roman wanted to hold her hand through this awful moment, but saw in her fiery eyes that she wouldn’t allow it. He held his place as he spoke anxiously, trying to avoid the inevitable for a little while longer, at least until he knew what was happening with her health, “Oh, Izzy, let’s not talk about all of that now.. I want to know how you are… What’s wrong, Isabella? Why are you here, in the hospital?”
She was crying softly, but she was proud…. “Roman.. I think I have a right to an answer to my question…. have you or have you not made your decision?” she said, with an undercurrent of hostility and resentment.
After long moments of excruciating silence, he looked up and told her the truth, “Yes, yes I have, Isabella…”
“Then please tell me, Roman… the least you can do for me is to tell me the truth…right here and right now. I need to hear you say it, and I want you to look me in the eye, Roman Brady!”
He shut his misty eyes and labored to keep his emotions under control, to keep his sorrow and guilt at bay long enough to talk to her. The risk was that if he told her the truth, she wouldn’t open up about the reason for her hospitalization… but she was demanding an answer. Truly it was an impossible dilemma for a caring man like Roman Brady. “Izzy B… I don’t want to do this, not here… not like this.. I… I’m… Oh, man….” he said, blowing out a long breath.
Her eyes burned a hole inside his soul….she wouldn’t let him avoid it. Roman heaved a heavy sigh, nodded and then did as she demanded, his voice trembling with the effort it took be honest, feeling her pain and his own. He tried to look at her, but his eyes were slightly hidden as he told her, “Alright… yes, I’ve made my decision… Marlena and I are already married, Isabella… we share a family…. and I… still.. love her as much as I did the day I watched a small plane go down, thinking she was on it. Isabella, I committed my heart and I pledged my life to her…I thought she died, I thought I was free to marry again, but I was wrong. Izzy… by some.. miracle I can’t begin to understand, she came back to me.” Roman stopped, his heart breaking for the woman he had so recently become engaged to and in truth for himself… for what they would never share. His voice was thick with sadness, but he said what had to be said, albeit through quivering lips as tears began to leak out one at a time, “So, I can’t… marry you, Izzy B… I’m.. sorry… I’m so sorry for hurting you this way… I never meant.. for anything like this to happen. I did.. I do…lo..”
Isabella let him have it, interrupting what she assumed he was trying to say to make her feel better about what he was doing, “NO! No, don’t you say that! Don’t you *ever* say that word to me again Roman Brady… Now, I would appreciate it if you would please leave me alone. I have some decisions of my own to make.” Turning her body away from him, she made it clear she wanted nothing more to do with him and that she didn’t plan to tell him what was happening with her health.
“I’m so sorry… now, please… even if we’re not… well…I.. still care about you very much… please, Isabella.. tell me what happened… What do the doctors think is wrong with you?” Somehow he knew she wouldn’t tell him anything… She was hurt and angry and she was going to punish him.
“I asked you to leave, Roman… and I meant it. I don’t want you here anymore. Please go, now…” she commanded quietly.
Roman didn’t want it to end this way and pleaded with her to let him stay, reaching for her hands. It was a move she rejected, violently pulling away from him, even as he tried to talk to her, “No Izzy…please….don’t do this… I…care so much about you…”
She stared into moist pools of blue…and eyes that once gazed so lovingly at him were now full of fury, her voice raised to a shout, “I said, GET OUT!” She didn’t say another word to him, lying back in the bed and shutting her eyes, crossing her arms in front of herself. The conversation was over because she wanted it that way, just as their relationship was over because *he* said it was. There was no way he would ever have anything to do with her or the tiny life growing inside her womb. The baby was hers now… his claim on her body was finished in her view. If she kept the child, it would be raised by a dedicated single mother, not two parents living in separate households. And, if she did what she never would have dreamed of considering in years past, and had an abortion, he would have no say in the matter. As far as she was concerned it was her problem now. Hers and hers alone.
I’m so sorry, Izzy…” he muttered once more. When he got no response whatsoever, Roman dropped his head, then slowly turned and stepped outside the door, realizing that her life was none of his business now. If she didn’t want to tell him, it was perfectly within her rights not to do so. Upon entering the hallway, he slumped against the wall, wondering if by some chance she were pregnant. If she were, how could she dare keep something like that from him? ‘Because, you idiot! She’s hurting and you caused that pain.. You just ripped her heart out, you think she’s going to tell you something like that now? Of course she’s angry… she has every right to be… dammit!’
Isabella waited until she thought he couldn’t hear her sobbing, and then broke down in a cascade of bitter fearful tears…. crying out in anguished confusion as she did, “Oh, God… I’m all alone… again! How could you let this happen?” She cradled her belly and spoke in the privacy of her mind about what might have been…. ‘ Oh, Roman…we were going to grow old together… we had so many hopes and dreams for a wonderful life.. together with the children… Where are you in all of this, God? Why have you forsaken me and my baby? Our baby… Oh, Roman.. this is *our* baby… What am I going to do without you… Oh, my sweet baby… what are we going to do without your Daddy?’
Roman managed to make it outside the door and into the hallway, just barely, before a feeling of weakness took control and caused him to lean against the wall for support in holding his body upright. It was gut-wrenching to hear her cry, knowing she wouldn’t ever take comfort from him again. A few weeks before she would have melted into the strength of his arms, but now she felt abandoned and unloved by the man who asked her to marry a few short months ago. She could not allow herself to take anything he offered because of how much he’d hurt her. He’d wounded her to the core and he felt terrible about it. “Oh.. Izzy B.. I am truly sorry…but I’m not free to marry you… ” he said quietly. ‘I do wish you’d tell me what’s going on, but I guess I have no right to even ask that of you. It’s your business now… unless… No, Roman… don’t go there… just go on back to Marlena… and go home…..’ “Home…home with my wife…Oh, that sounds so good.” he said with another tired sigh as he regained his inner equilibrium and stood on his own power. Shutting his eyes briefly, he took a deep breath or two and let them out slowly, giving himself a little pep talk as he started off toward the office of the one and only Dr. Marlena Evans, “Yea, that’s it, Roman… just focus on Doc… and how much you love her… and you’ll get through this.”
* * *
Marlena was sitting with Bo in the waiting room of her office, while the kids colored some pictures. Give them crayons and paper and they were happy as could be,’ she was thinking as she cast her gaze upon them. “So… you and Roman are… ” Bo said, hesitating slightly, giving her ample room to interrupt him, hoping she would fill him in on the status of the relationship.
“Yes, Bo… we’re back.. together, or at least… we were,” she finished with a wistful sigh, still worried that it might be changing even as they were speaking. She wondered what was happening in the room just two floors away.
“What do you mean, Marlena…”
Frustrated that he was making her spell it out, she replied quickly, “I mean… it depends on what’s happening with Isabella. If she’s… pregnant, things might change.”
Bo understood her line of thinking, but he knew his brother well, and had already seen the signs. “Marlena… if he re-committed to you, that won’t change. I know he.. cares for her.. ” Bo stopped and pushed out a breath, and then corrected himself, “No, he loves her, but… nothing like the way that he loves you.” She was shaking her head, tears forming behind her eyes, as if she weren’t nearly as certain about it as he seemed to be. Bo touched her on the sleeve to make her look at him, wanting her to believe him.
He needed an example… something she could relate to that would cement her faith in Roman Augustus Brady and the ties that bound them together. Images from five years earlier were right there in his mind’s eye… Bo recalled seeing his older brother on the pier a couple of times… looking like death warmed over.. “Marlena… when he thought you died… he was so…lost. There were times when I didn’t think he could survive it, and the only thing that kept him going sometimes was the fact that he had to take care of the kids. He loves you way deep in his soul, Marlena…no matter what else happens, you need to believe that will never change.”
She nodded as tears of empathy sat poised to fall, her voice touched with that emotion, “I know… we talked some about it… It’s very painful for him to discuss, even now…And I know he loves me.. but..”
“Yes, because he was devastated and any hesitation he had… it’s because he’s so…afraid of losing you again, Marlena. He blames himself for not protecting you, for giving up the search, even after everybody else convinced him he had to let it go… that you were gone.”
That much was obvious. She was suddenly animated, wishing that part of his pain away, “I know that too…. And I *hate* that he feels that way, Bo. It wasn’t his fault… none of it! I wish I could help him believe that. He’s driven to find out what happened to me and who was responsible for it.”
Bo nodded and stood up to stretch his legs, remembering their talk at the station a few days earlier. Staring out a window, he remembered the gist of Roman’s reaction to what had been done to all the Brady’s in losing Marlena. “Yes he is… he’s *so* angry and he wants to know why it happened, who stole five years from you, from him, your children, from all of us… “
She stood up too… wishing away the fear that hearing it said out loud again engendered. It was a gut level reaction, but somehow she knew that if Roman were to pursue the matter to its natural conclusion there would be more than answers to the questions he was asking; there would be further suffering in one form or another. Marlena shuddered slightly, as she replied softly, “I know he does… “
Her perspective was becoming clear as he read her body language and he had to ask, “You really don’t care about all of that, do you? And you’re… afraid of what he might find,” Bo said, putting a hand on her shoulder as they stood side by side gazing out the same window overlooking the hospital grounds.
She shook her head again, part of her wishing they could go on as if it never happened, part of her believing that pursuing it was a terrible mistake and would only lead to more pain for the two of them, for everyone she loved. “Not in the same way he does, no. I want my family back, I want to make a fresh start on our lives..” Marlena then sighed one more, this time with a feeling of sad surrender, “The truth is, Bo… if it were up to me, I’d let it go…. But I know Roman could never do that. He has to find the answers..”
“Try to understand that it’s because he knows he can’t keep you safe if he doesn’t… and that is going to be his number one priority, Marlena… he’s going to be watching over you all the time.”
For some reason it made her smile to think of him hovering around her like a mother hen to her chicks… Recalling the early days when he was the one who returned from places unknown, when he didn’t recall his identity and they fought over sign-in sheets and armed guards, she laughed and said, “Yes… and driving me crazy with police protection, no doubt.”
Bo had a similar vision and smiled too. “Count on it, at least for awhile.”
She sighed with satisfaction of knowing her husband so well, and nodded, saying, “Same old Roman, I see… some things never change, do they?”
“Nope… ” She looked up to hear two voices saying that simple word. The second, of course, belonged to her husband, who didn’t look so good. In fact, he looked like a man riddled with guilt for hurting someone he cared about. The question was, did he feel guilty because of what he’d just done or was it about something he was soon going to do… meaning telling her that Isabella was indeed pregnant and he had to stand by her side throughout the pregnancy.
Bo took the silent exchange as his cue to leave, but he was so smart about it… “Hey, bro.. you know what… I’m just gonna take the twins on down to the cafeteria… I heard they have this new ice cream machine… “
Roman nodded and shot his brother a grateful glance while patting him on the arm, saying, “Great idea, little brother… thanks for thinking of it.”
Smiling encouragingly, he said, “Anytime, Bro… I’ll see you both later.”
Marlena waited a moment and then said quietly as he took a step away, “Bo… thank you… you helped me see things a little more clearly… I appreciate that very much.”
“You know… maybe I should start charging by the hour… ” he joked, gesturing around his sister-in-law’s office, trying to lighten the suddenly tense mood.
“Maybe you should… anyway, we’ll see you later.”
He nodded and went to approach the twins… “Hey, Sami… Eric… I hear there’s this really cool ice cream machine down in the cafeteria… what do you guys say to going to check it out with your Uncle Bo?”
“Oh, boy! Let’s go! They exclaimed, one after the other as they jumped to their collective feet and started to head off in that direction, Sami quickly realizing that moving slowly was a much better idea. At the last minute, Eric turned back and said, “Uh.. can we Dad?”
Roman smiled warmly, thinking how nice it was to have forged such a good relationship with his younger brother over the past few years, and agreed, “Sure… go ahead sport… just be sure to stay with Bo and do what he says.”
“Okay… we’ll see you later!” Sami and Eric said excitedly as they headed out the door of their mother’s office. They’d had enough of sitting around half listening to adult conversation. Ice cream with Uncle Bo was infinitely more enticing for them.
“Yes… have fun…” Marlena called after them, somewhat absently wondering how long it would be before they turned to her as readily as they did to their father. ‘Well, you can’t rush it, Marlena… first things first. Right now, it’s time to figure out where things stand with their father,’ she was saying to herself as she turned back toward him again. He was strangely silent at the moment, obviously lost in thought somewhere.
In a matter of mere seconds, Roman and Marlena were alone in her office and the silence was deafening. Finally when she couldn’t stand it any longer, she grew impatient for some news and asked, “Roman… please.. tell me what happened. What’s going on with Isabella?”
He heaved a heavy sigh as he met her gaze for a long second and then plopped himself down on her couch. “I don’t know, Doc… she wouldn’t tell me.”
Marlena waited for him to say more and when he didn’t she pressed him a little, guessing what that meant, trying not to be hopeful or sound happy about what was clearly quite painful for him and the other woman as well. “Oh… so then you… “
She didn’t have to finish the sentence any more than he did… so he launched right into the explanation of what had transpired minutes ago, his voice filled with sadness for what was lost, and for Isabella’s suffering. “Oh, Doc…the second I walked in the room.. she could see it in my eyes. She knew, Doc as soon as I opened my mouth…. she knew that I had already made my decision and she demanded that I say it. So, I did. I uh… I broke it off with her, I told her that I was going to spend the rest of my life with you and the kids.”
Seeing his pain at having hurt the other woman, Marlena sat down next to him, and reached for his hand. “Oh, Roman… that can’t have been easy….for either one of you.”
Shaking his head, he told the truth. No sense hiding anything at this point, “No… it wasn’t. Fact is.. it was.. horrible, Doc… it hurt like hell to cause her so much pain… but it had to be done. After that, she uh… she kicked me out… didn’t want me to touch her and she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. ” His eyes were moist and his voice was shaky with emotion.
Touching his face as a supportive gesture, she empathized with him, “Oh…Roman… I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to come back here and turn your world upside down… I feel so… bad about this.”
He grasped both her tiny hands in his, planting a soft moist kiss on them, then negating her statement, even as he was still feeling the pain and confusion resulting from what he’d just given up to have her back in his life. “No, Doc… don’t… You know.. that your coming back to Salem… it’s a miracle, Marlena… a true miracle and I thank God for that.. I swear I do… it’s just… hard sometimes.. you know.. to deal with all the… changes.”
She nodded and kissed him on the cheek, putting her arms around him afterward. “I know, honey… I know it is… “
He held on tight and shared what was in his heart, “I love you, Doc… I love you so much!”
“And I love you… so much!” With that, the couple held each other close, enjoying the warmth and security of being wrapped up safely in each other’s arms. After a few minutes, Roman pulled back and looked into moist pools of hazel and said what she longed to hear, “Marlena… love of my life… my amazing and beautiful wife… what do say we go get the kids and head on home…”
Her sigh was indescribable… and her tears flowed freely. They were tears of great joy. After five years of it were stolen away, at last she was being given back her life. “Oh, Roman… that sounds heavenly.. I can’t… wait to go home with you…my love…”
First he smiled and tenderly reached out to wipe her tears away with the pads of his two thumbs, a sweet gesture that touched her very soul. Blue met hazel and shared a silent embrace for a moment or two before Roman stood up, taking her left hand in his right and said with enthusiasm, “Alright then… let’s go home, wife!”
She said it as if it were a word of worship, crying out gleefully, her hands going to her mouth a characteristic gesture in times of great emotion. “Home… I’m going home with my husband… and my two…. beautiful children… Oh, Roman.. honey… it’s a dream come true…” Marlena paused a moment to embrace him completely, hugging her man ever so tightly, then corrected herself, “No, it’s every dream I have coming true,” she said, weeping steadily. “I love you so..”
His eyes were teary too… it was an incredible feeling to see her weeping with joy…”Oh, Doc… I’m glad… I’m so glad I can make you happy… and just for the record… our dreams are just beginning to come true… Life is going to get better and better from here on out. I promise, Doc… No one and nothing on this earth will ever keep us apart again, not ever again!”
Looking into fiery blue, Marlena shuddered once again, realizing what he meant by his promise. It wasn’t meant just to assure her, to make her feel safe and secure in his love for her. Roman was bound and determined to uncover the mystery of her disappearance and the five missing years which followed. Knowing him as she did, it went without saying that he wouldn’t stop until he’d accomplished his goal. Fear seized her heart and a feeling of foreboding washed over her as they stepped out of her office and headed toward the hospital cafeteria. She didn’t voice her misgivings, saying them internally rather than argue with the man she loved during such a special time. ‘Oh, Roman… I hope you’re right… but I have to wonder… wouldn’t it be better if we just forgot about it, if we were thankful and focused on the here and now instead?’
The ride home was quiet and uneventful… as the kids were tired and falling asleep and the other two were contemplating what the rest of the night might hold in store. Would they make love? Were they ready to take that step? Marlena was wondering if Roman were ready to recommit in that way as yet. It was a bit soon.. it had, after all, been five years and only two weeks ago, he believed her to be dead. Maybe she should say something and give him an easy out so he didn’t feel uncomfortable with it or maybe….
Roman was struggling with the same issues… Is that what she wants… is she ready to be with me or does she need time? Maybe she needs time…. Maybe I need time… This is all happening pretty fast..’ His head was spinning by the time they made their way back to the Brady house. It looked mighty good when they pulled up in the driveway and both breathed an audible sigh of relief. “Well, Doc… we made it safe and sound.. we’re home at last,” he said, feeling better than he thought he might.
“It looks like heaven to me, honey… I can’t wait to get inside…”
“Race ya… ” he said to tease her… and the kids. Sami instantly piped up, saying, “Hey… what about me… isn’t anybody going to help me get inside?”
Roman laughed a little, and reached back to touch the cheek of his little girl, “Of course we are, Sami… your mother and I were just trying to have a little fun.”
Marlena smiled warmly and said, “I’ll help you sweety girl… we’ll get you all settled in to bed so you can rest. This has been quite a weekend for you.”
“Yea… but I’m feeling much better now and I’m so happy…”
“Why?”
“Well, cause we’re going to be a family again… that’s all me and Eric ever wanted was to be a family… and our wishes finally came true when you came back to us, Mommy. We prayed real hard and God answered our prayers.”
Marlena was more than touched and found herself struggling for words, “Oh, Sami… you don’t know.. how happy I am… to be back… home with all of you.”
Roman was speechless…. Even knowing in his heart that he’d made the right decision, he’d been feeling strange and uncomfortable about turning Isabella and the twin’s lives upside down. Now he knew that it was what they most wanted too. They’d never shared their secret dreams with him, to have their own mother back. ‘Oh.. you guys…how come you never told me that?’ he was asking inside his mind, still a little overwhelmed by the turn of events.
“Mom… we knew how sad Daddy was without you, even if we couldn’t really remember you and we just wanted him to be happy. We’ll always love Isabella…she’s special, but you’re our mother and we’re really glad you’re back. Aren’t we Eric?”
Eric loved Isabella deeply… she was fun and she liked baseball and so many other things… but this was his mother… It was confusing at best, and it was clear in his hesitance, “Yea, we’re really glad.. but I still love Isabella too… is that okay?”
Her heart was filled with joy to hear them talk about her and the man she loved this way. There might be a few rough spots along the way… but in the end, she was sure it was all going to work out just fine. “Thank you.. it’s wonderful to hear you both say that… I’m so happy to be back and to be living here with you… but I want you to know… that it’s alright for you to keep loving Isabella. She’s been an important part of all your lives for quite awhile now. I wouldn’t expect any of you to stop.. caring about her or forget about all the time you spent with her…”
She was speaking to the children, while looking at her husband, who met her gaze for a second, then looked away. For an instant she saw something in his eyes, something she thought maybe he was trying to hide for her benefit. For all his talk of knowing what he wanted in his heart, Marlena knew there had to be some pain about breaking off his relationship with a woman to whom he’d recently made a proposal of marriage. She wondered if he could ever really share that pain with her… or if it were a wound he would always pretend was never there because he knew it caused her pain.
Finally, Roman found his tongue, feeling uncomfortable with the direction things were taking…still unsettled about a few things, and being reminded of all the time he’d spent with Isabella was only making it harder. “Come on, let’s get you and Sami settled in….”
“Yes… let’s do that… ” she agreed with a heartwarming expression, pushing the other thoughts out of her mind for the time being. It felt so good to be welcomed home in this way. No matter what else happened, they were going to be a family again; there was no doubt about it.
An hour later, the kids were settled down with their toys, Sami resting quietly in her bed and Eric playing with trucks and action figures. Roman came down the stairs to see Marlena curled up on the couch looking at something…. He smiled with fond remembrance when he realized that it was a photo album, the one from their wedding day in August of 1986. “Hey you…” he said, rather cheerfully.
“Hey yourself…” she said, turning her head to look at him, a satisfied smile decorating her pretty face.
He sat down next to her, indicating that he’d seen what she was holding by questioning her pleasantly, “Nice memories?”
Patting the album she nodded and sighed then answered verbally, “Very nice…. We were so happy that day…”
It was good to remember now that there was no pain associated with it, “I was in heaven, Doc… pure and simple… I couldn’t believe that a woman who was so incredibly beautiful, and so… intelligent… so amazing… would be in love with somebody like me… a man with so few memories.. I was floating on air, Marlena.”
“So was I… I was ecstatic… to know that after such a long painful year and a half, I had you back…. I could hold you again, I could look into those striking blue eyes of yours and run my fingers through you hair….”
“And I… I wanted to steal away with you… as soon as we said our I do’s… I wanted to run off and lose myself in you..”
“And now.. here we are…”
“Yea… here we are…” It grew silent for a time and when at last he thought it was time to speak of what came next, he found himself at a loss for words, saying only, “Doc, I….”
“Roman… if…” They laughed at their own awkwardness and stopped talking. Instead of saying anything else, Roman scooted closer on the couch next to his wife and held out his arms, to which she responded by smiling with uncommon warmth, then melting into his tender embrace. They stayed that way for a long while, alternately gazing at the pictures which so wonderfully captured the essence of newlywed bliss and feeling the love that still existed, even after years of separation.
At last Marlena was the one who broke the silence, “I love you, Roman Brady… and I am SO happy just to be sitting here holding you…so if you’re not ready… to be with me… it’s alright… “
“Oh, Marlena… you know I want to… I love you so much… it’s just that…. So much has happened… so fast… it’s making me a little… dizzy you know?”
“Yea… I do.. really, it’s alright… but could you just… hold me for a little while longer?”
“You don’t even have to ask me that… I’ll hold you any time, day or night… thank you… for…understanding. I know this has to be pretty rough on you… I mean… you expected…”
“Roman… if you’re going to apologize again… don’t. You have no reason to be sorry… I was gone for five years and you thought I was dead. Now, please… stop saying you’re sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
He let out a long breath and agreed, “Okay… I will.. I just don’t want you to think that… Oh, I don’t know, Doc… I just feel.. bad about it.”
Taking his right hand in her left, she urged him to let it go, “I know you do… but, Roman.. anyone would have begun to move on.. I would have… I did… when I thought you were dead… I dated… I even thought I had fallen in love for a time… and I was terribly wrong… it’s okay.”
“Marlena… I know all that and you’re probably right…it’s just that… no matter how hard I try to rationalize it… I still can’t stop myself from thinking that I should have known… we always seemed to have this… I don’t know… special connection and I feel like I….stopped listening…like I shut it down….so I couldn’t sense that you were still alive. I feel so guilty about it…”
Turning more squarely toward him on the couch, wanting him to see her sincerity, she said, “Oh Roman…. Now tell me something… do you blame me for not knowing you were alive when Stefano took you away, after Bo saw you fall from the cliff?”
Strange how he still didn’t remember any of that… but it was no matter and he turned his attention to answering the question. “Of course not, Doc… there was no way any of you… could have… known.” When he finished the sentence, Roman was smiling and nodding with newfound understanding as he met her eyes, one hand holding hers, “There was no way… for me… either,” he said sounding rather stunned to have finally come to that realization.
“Right….you couldn’t have known… you did everything you could to find me… you saw my plane go down… you couldn’t have known.”
He sighed, feeling a tremendous sense of relief, as if a terribly painful and heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. “Yea… yea… okay… Oh, Doc… just let me hold you….and I promise I’m never gonna let you go again… not ever again.”
“Gladly my dear… gladly… Now that we’re past that, once and for all… what do you say we just start enjoying each other.”
“Mmm hmm… and what did you have in mind, Marlena?” he said with a rather mischievous wink.
“Oh, maybe a little of this….” she said in a whisper, while leaning in to nuzzle his neck, teasing him.
“Mmm… and perhaps some of this…” he said, drawing her in, caressing her cheeks, preparing to kiss her.
“Oh and definitely some of this,” Marlena said, massaging him about the belt line, pleased to feel his ready response to the beginnings of foreplay.
“Oh, yea… and to get things really going… I think this…” He moved swiftly, his hands on the sides of her neck tugging her closer as his lips were busy capturing hers in a stirring kiss, his tongue gliding effortlessly around hers and fueling their mutual desire.
“Oh, definitely some of that,” she said in a breathless whisper. Roman smiled at her dewy eyes and sighed with a feeling of peace he’d almost forgotten. Being with this woman was the finest, most pleasurable, most heavenly place he could ever imagine being. He was safe and secure and most of all his sometimes restless soul had found a resting place. “I love you, Marlena Evans… now and forevermore…. I love you… I’m SO glad you came back to me… I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be with you.”
“Well, I haven’t… and I’d just love to… remind you… over and over and over again…” she said as her hands began to roam all over his chest, her fingers deftly unfastening the buttons on his long sleeve shirt.. Before he knew it she was kissing the newly exposed skin of his chest and nipping at him, making his body stir in ways it hadn’t in many years.
“Oh.. I’d say that’s an offer I can’t refuse, Mrs. Brady,” Roman said, barely able to put two thoughts together.
“I was wondering how long it would be….”
Clearly he was puzzled, asking, “How long what would be?”
She smiled, enjoying the changes, “Until you called me by my married name.”
He cast his gaze downward, apologetic again, “Oh, that… yea, I uh… well, I…”
Tipping his chin up, she laughed and said, “Roman… I was only teasing you… I understand… honey, five years don’t just melt away…. it was a long time to be without me, without Mrs. Brady.”
Suddenly, he was serious… wanting her to know more about what it was like, wanting her to understand. “You can’t know… how long… how I… ached for you… Marlena… there were times…” Then abruptly, as if he thought better of revealing himself, Roman shut those feelings down, “Oh, never mind… Now, where were we?” he said, threading her hair with his fingertips, preparing to kiss her again, hoping she would follow his lead and let the subject go.
She wasn’t that easily distracted… Turning his face more directly toward hers with both hands, she gently confronted him, “Hold on… you were about to tell me something… something that I think was really important…”
Shaking his head, he denied it, “It’s not… not any more…. Because you’re here now…”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear it… I want to know what it was like for you… we haven’t done much talking about that, Roman… and it matters to me…Roman I was in a coma.. nothing happened that I can remember, but you had five years in Salem… five years of learning to be without me… five years of raising the children by yourself…and I *know* that was very painful for you… I don’t expect you to ignore that… to pretend that everything is back to normal because I suddenly returned…”
“Marlena… I don’t want you feeling bad about what I went through… it wasn’t your fault.”
“Just like it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t know I was alive?”
He nodded, finally getting the message, giving her one in response, “Yes…”
“Roman, you told me how you felt about that… don’t you think I feel something about what I can only imagine happened to you, how you and our children felt, the pain you experienced when you thought I was dead?”
He only nodded…wishing it could all be avoided….wishing he could force all of the emotions to simply disappear into the night. “Alright… if you must know… there were times when I thought about…joining you… when I wished I could die… or thought about killing myself to stop the pain.”
She thought as much… and hugged him tight.. saying in soft tones, “Oh, Roman… that must have been so horrible… I felt the same way when I thought you had been killed… I wanted to die too… I would have done almost anything to stop from hurting so much. What stopped you?” she asked, even as she knew the answer.
“The kids… mostly… and Mom and Pop, Bo… and work… I threw myself into the Cop Shop… didn’t know what else to do, Doc… If I wasn’t doing something, it was all I could think about… I felt so lost…and so alone… I had so few memories of our life together, of my family… so I didn’t even have that to rely on… it was hell.”
“But you survived it… even began to move on…”
Contemplating how it was that he had survived, he was coming to some new awareness of what really happened. “Yea…but I was still missing you… I was… half alive sometimes…. I got pretty good at… pretending I guess… even fooled myself sometimes…” After a moment’s pause, he continued, speaking with great passion, becoming more fully aware of his thoughts and feelings as he went along, ” But since you’ve been back, Doc… I’ve realized something… I feel alive again… I mean *really* alive! I feel things… I look at you and I feel so…good, Doc! It’s like I’m finally back where I belong… like *I’m* home… does that make any sense at all?” he said, looking her with confusion as salty moisture began to form behind his eyes.
She nodded and then suddenly burst into tears…. To see him filled with such joy… such elation… because she came back to him… It confirmed all that she had clung to as she made her way home to Salem. It was her belief in their incomprehensible bond that had sustained her when she felt she couldn’t go on… when she felt her strength fading, it was their love for each other that guided her and gave her that will to survive. “Yes… oh, yes it does, Roman… more you can know… We’ve both come home…”
There was no more need for talk… not now… it was time to demonstrate the depth of emotion they’d just expressed with words… Roman wasted no more time, gently taking her in the strength of his muscular arms, kissing her as he lifted her off the ground and carried her up the stairs… Their eyes were locked in an intoxicating lover’s stare, filled with the excitement of anticipation. As he made his way toward the bed, lying her down ever so carefully, he looked at her again, saying, “Welcome home, Mrs. Brady…”
“Oh…how I *love* you Mr. Brady…. ” She didn’t say anything else, but her glistening hazel eyes said, ‘Please make love to me…make love to me right now…because I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment for an eternity.’ His eyes said the same…. And then he kissed her fiercely, fueling the fire.
In seconds they were immersed in sensation, recalling all the moves of love as if they’d never been apart. In a matter of seconds, Roman felt a flood of memories coming back and his eyes filled with tears he couldn’t stem, didn’t even want to… As they began to fall, Marlena felt that moisture on her bare neck and shoulders. She looked up to meet his eyes… and her fingers moved to wipe the tears from his flushed cheeks, as she cried too… “What…”
He shook his head, thinking he couldn’t possibly express how he was feeling with mere words.
“It’s okay…”
His lips were quivering and his voice shaky with a depth of emotion, “It’s just… so… incredible… Marlena… I had to….lock these memories up so tight.. cause it hurt so much to think… that I would never… touch you…. That I would never… see your…gorgeous body again…”
“Oh, Roman… ” she cried, weeping for him and for herself. It was so beautiful.
He leaned on his left elbow but his right hand went to caress her left cheek, flushed as it was, feeling things he never thought he would experience again. “But a miracle has happened…and you’re here…. and I can.. touch you… I can feel your body… close to mine… I can look into your *amazing* eyes… You can’t begin to know… how good this feels…. How incredible it is to have you back!”
She was weeping openly, and trying to maintain her composure so she could share what was in her heart for him as she heard him speaking of his joy. “Oh, but I do… I do know.. not exactly what you’re going through…” Stroking his thick dark hair…as she’d longed to do, she shared her own feelings, “But I know that this is what I’ve dreamed of, Roman… Being with you is all I could think about from the moment I awakened.. and with all the memories of being separated.. Roman, I was going to do anything to get back home to you, so we could be together again… Anything!”
He nodded and found a smile, wiping away his own tears and then leaning down to kiss hers away, “I’m so glad I can let the memories come… I feel so…free, Marlena…and I’m gonna make you feel so loved… so welcome…And that’s all I want to do is please you… for the rest of my life… Because it’s you… it’s only you who can make me feel this free… this alive… I love you SO much!” he finished, holding her tight, his love for her overflowing as a river spilling over a dam.
“Oh, Roman… and I love you SO!” she cried with a steady stream of joyous tears flowing from her wonder filled eyes. Marlena could see and literally feel his overwhelming love for her. It was there in his moist blue eyes, in his face, in his tender loving touch upon her bare skin. He loved her with his entire being and that was what he was trying to say… that he hadn’t realized how deeply he’d been affected, how much he had changed in her absence, and that with her return he could be his truest self once again. Roman Brady was again becoming the man he was meant to be, basking in the warm presence of the woman who was his very life’s blood. Smiling, she reached out for him, her hands tugging on his head, pulling his mouth toward hers until their lips met. Her tongue slipped inside and embraced the sweetness of his, with fervent swirling, flickering movements, causing him to moan with the need of her. His love sounds made her feel the desire rising rapidly, her body arching to join with his…
And so they loved each other…. With the swell of emotion, Roman swiftly moved to reach a state of undress, practically ripping his shirt off and starting on his pants… He moaned from somewhere inside himself….as if he couldn’t wait one more second for his naked flesh to embrace hers… she was doing the same… burning with desire to be as close as physically possible… the hindrance of clothing causing distress. This amazing total emotional and sexual intimacy was what these two bodies were created to do… to join in blissful ecstasy… to share of themselves without fear, without hesitation… for the rest of their lives. It was the glory of humanity to share this kind of perfect love. It was truly a love beyond compare.
Soon, Roman was unsnapping the fastener on her brassiere and then tossing the item across the room… He drew a sharp breath to gaze upon those soft mounds of flesh….”Oh…” he said in a whisper, as his hands touched them for the first time… and she gasped at his intensity…. It was the joy of rediscovery…. Rebirth…of hope and joy and so many other emotions he’d shut down when he believed she was gone… and every moment was a miracle… “God, you’re so.. incredibly beautiful, Doc… ” he said as another tear sneaked out and trickled down his right cheek.
“Roman… oh, Roman…” It just made her cry to see the look in his eyes… to hear in his voice and know that he was so filled with wonder at being with her again. She could wait no more to taste of him, to join with him… and her hands tugged at his shoulders, willing him to lay atop her body… wanting to feel him inside her… Marlena kissed him again, holding him so that he could do nothing more than surrender to physical passion… to feel every sensation to the heights of pleasure… her hands were on the back of his head, but it was her her tongue that held him there…
“Mmm…. Oh. Marlena… Oh, God.. it’s so intense… Oh, I love you.. I love you.. I love you…” he whispered it over and over again…breathless… his hands touching every part of her… his whole body on fire for her.. part of him wanting to hold off, to savor every second of their time and yet wanting to reach the peak of ecstasy…
He was kissing and licking at her breasts… restraining her hands with one of his… “Oh… Roman… take me now… I want you inside of me… I want you now!” she cried, nearly begging him… … as he continued… almost worshipping them with the rapid flickering movements of his tongue on tender flesh. “Oh… oh, it feels so good, honey… Oh, Roman…I need you… Oh!” she managed to say through panting breaths. The aching desire was so intense she knew she couldn’t stand it any longer… “Oh, please….” She said in a whimpering voice…
Being at almost the same point, he was ready to comply… and entered her with one quick move… at the same time as he was capturing her mouth, his lips pressing hard on hers, his tongue more forceful now… and she met that strength… as their fiery passion controlled them.. the flames rose higher and higher, their heated bodies moving in time…. Soon, the hot waves of pleasure began to wash over them with each thrust… each stimulating touch of their loving hands and each fluttering movement of their tongues.
At last they reached the summit, joined together as one being, bringing on sighs of sated release… followed by the sweet exhaustion only lovers know… They relaxed into the afterglow, feeling as close as any man and woman ever could, listening to the sounds of their breathing slowing down, feeling their hearts slow in time with each other.
They laid together in bed for the longest time and then came the giggles that sometimes followed such an intense expression of physical love… Marlena was leaning on her left elbow and running her right forefinger over the rugged cheekbone of her handsome husband when she asked a question she couldn’t resist, “So…did you miss being with me?”
All he could do was laugh as a reply….. obvious as the answer was to both of them. It was a wondrous sound to her ears… because she realized that he was acknowledging that he hadn’t laughed like this since he thought she died. And listening to her girlish giggles in response was like the sound of music to Roman Brady’s ears. It was an amazingly sweet noise that he thought he would never hear again.
And then, regaining his equilibrium just a bit, Roman had to tease her too, asking, “So.. was it good for you?”
She tossed her head back and laughed some more… before answering with a kiss. And then when the moment was right, she added some words, “Uh… I guess you could say that… “
“Wanna try again?” he said with an adorably sexy wink which only elicited a gleeful chortle. That was not an immediate option. However, she managed to catch her breath and replied as if it were, “I’m game if you are…. “
“Now, what do you *think?*” he asked her, then didn’t wait for a verbal response… only rolling her over so that he was once again in control of the situation. Gazing into her glimmering eyes, he smiled at her expression of surprise when she felt his hardness.. “Oh…” she cried, her eyes going wide, to which he commented in the form of a question, “Didn’t think I had it in me, did you, Doc?”
She was shaking her head to negate his assumption… “Oh, no… not me, I never had a doubt…Roman Brady… honest I didn’t,” his wife responded with a sweet teasing grin, followed by a lone giggle. Roman smiled too, but wasted no more time in making good on his promise to provide her with endless pleasure, leaning over her to kiss her mouth as his hands cupped her face ever so delicately…..
How do you cool your lips
After a summer kiss….
Roman Augustus Brady was as confused as he ever remembered being in his entire life, his head spinning with the speed of the changes in his life, especially his love life. A jumble of recent memories played inside his head as he paced up and down the length of the pier as the early evening fog rolled in, laboring to make sense out of the tumultuous events of the past month and determine a course of action.
He was about to marry Isabella Toscano and then unexpectedly, on the night of his engagement party his long presumed dead wife, Marlena Evans, miraculously returned to Salem unharmed. They shared a tearful reunion on this very pier and shortly thereafter he broke off the engagement in order to resume his marriage to her. Although there was some tension and uncertainty in the relationship as they attempted to recapture the magic, all was relatively well for about three weeks, when suddenly the bottom dropped out. By some strange twist of fate Roman had for all intents and purposes, lost both women he loved. As a result, he found himself standing out on Pier 29 nursing a wounded heart and fighting off a monster headache, the result of over-imbibing at the Cheatin’ Heart, a move he regretted at the moment.
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss…..
Marlena was sitting in the living room of the Horton house, looking at his picture, remembering the way they made love. It was amazing…. the way he kissed her, the way it felt to hold his sculpted body close to hers, the electrifying sensation of his warm breath on her neck and in her ears, the way his touch stimulated her aching desire like no other lover. How could what started out so wonderfully come to this? ‘How could he keep something like this from me?’ She didn’t realize she’d spoken those last few words out loud until she heard the sound of footsteps and a quiet sigh.
It was her best friend who had come up behind her… “Marlena… he said he didn’t know; maybe he was telling you the truth.. you said that he seemed so shocked… and hurt… can’t you give him the benefit of the doubt?”
Looking up as her friend stepped around in front of the couch, she replied uncertainly, “Oh, I don’t know, Maggie… “
“Marlena… you’ve said it yourself…he’s had an awful lot to deal with in the past month.”
Her sigh was audible too… Nodding, she basically agreed, “I know…. I guess I over reacted… it’s just so hard to think of him having a child with another woman, Maggie… I was angry about the situation and I took it out on him.”
Maggie sat down next to her good friend, taking Marlena’s left hand with her right and speaking tenderly, gently confronting her with another viewpoint, “I know it’s hard, Marlena, but it’s not like he was having an affair. He was in love and he thought you were dead… five years have passed for him. You don’t really want to make him feel like he betrayed his marriage commitment, do you?”
“No, I don’t and I understand all that… but for me, time stopped, Maggie… and it *feels* like he’s had an affair… how am I going to deal with this without blaming him to some degree, without resenting what he did, Maggie?”
“You’ll work at it, it won’t be easy. You may have to take it one day at a time… but first… you have to talk to him…” she said, her face indicating that maybe her friend should get started sooner rather than later as she picked up the telephone and handed it to Marlena.
She smiled weakly and nodded, saying quietly as she set it down on the handset, “I know… but I don’t know what to say… I sure as heck can’t give him my warm congratulations…” she added sarcastically.
“Well, why don’t you start by thinking about how Roman must be feeling right now… one day he’s in love and planning to be married… after so many years of being alone, thinking he could never find a genuine love again. And then literally in the next, his long dead wife comes back. He reunites with her, he’s amazed and happy and then three weeks later, he’s an expectant father, but he’s alone again.
It brought tears to her eyes to think of how confusing it must be for him and how unfair she was being.. “Oh, Maggie… he’s hurting… I know he is… and you’re right… I should talk to him… but I don’t want his decisions about the baby to be influenced by his feelings for me.”
“He will make a good decision… you know that… Why don’t you admit it to yourself… you didn’t leave the house because you thought your being there would affect the choices he and Isabella made… you left because you were hurt… and angry. You thought he knew about the baby and kept it from you, but what if he didn’t?”
“I don’t know… maybe… I didn’t give him much of a chance to tell me, not really…”
Maggie smiled, grateful for her friend’s strength of character… and the love she could see shining through the tears. “No, you didn’t… and I think what happened is that Isabella kept it from him because she was scared and angry that he had chosen you. She probably wanted to make sure he didn’t come back to her because of the baby, and if she’s like most women… she wanted to punish him for rejecting her, but she’ll get past that. They’re two very good people… and they’ll make the right choices, for the sake of the baby… You have to trust that… and more importantly, my friend.. you have to trust in his love for you. Roman wants to share his life with you, not Isabella… this will work itself out, Marlena…”
Again, Marlena nodded and sighed in response, then expressed her main concern, “I wish I had your confidence about that, but no matter what does happen, the bottom line is…he’ll always be tied to her….”
Maggie nodded and stated her agreement, “Yes, that is one reality you do have to face. The baby will keep them connected…and he does care a great deal for her, but he *loves* you, Marlena, and he always will.”
She blew out a long breath, wishing she could make it all go away, but realizing she couldn’t. “I suppose you’re right, Maggie… I guess I have to get used to it… and now is as good a time as any. I think I’ll go looking for him. Thank you, so much.. for being my friend… for making me see things from his perspective.”
Leaning in to give her friend a firm hug, Maggie responded warmly, “Hey.. that’s what friends are for… to listen and help us see what we can’t see sometimes… I love you, Marlena.”
Marlena squeezed Maggie’s hand, then stood up and replied in kind as she prepared to go find him, “And I love you, my friend… I’ll see you later… ” She knew where he was… there was no doubt in her mind. As she headed out toward the car, she knew there was only one place he would be at a time like this and she prayed he would still be there by the time she made her way through the early evening traffic.
* * *
Isabella too was remembering the way they loved. While she was lying on the bed in her room at Jennifer’s place gazing at the swirling pattern in the ceiling, she absently noted that perhaps it was time to get her own place again. She definitely couldn’t go back to the loft… there were too many memories there. As she turned her attention to a snapshot of herself, Roman, and the twins playing ball, she smiled on the memory of the day it was taken. They were well on their way to becoming a family…it was magical and she truly believed the love she shared with Roman Brady was the kind that would last forever. He had slowly opened up his heart to her and when he finally proposed, it was all she ever dreamed of, and he was all she wanted and needed for the rest of her life. The day of their engagement party was the happiest day of her life, and later that night, she experienced one of the worst moments of her life, next to the one in which he ended their engagement permanently. She would never forget it; she knew it was coming, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
Poor sad Roman… he couldn’t stop apologizing, saying that he had truly loved her, but that Marlena was his first great love, that she hadn’t left him and his commitment had to be to her… He was trying to make her feel better, but every word he had said was like a dagger through her heart. Why couldn’t he just admit that he loved Marlena more, that the love he felt for her was beyond compare? That was the truth of the matter and they both knew it. In some ways it was a foregone conclusion; the decision had been made the moment Marlena returned from her mysterious five year absence. Isabella had known deep inside that she never had a chance from the second the words came out of his mouth, “Marlena’s alive and she’s here in Salem.” If she were being honest, Isabella would say that it was the reason she had given the ring back that very night. They both knew in their heart of hearts that their relationship was over in the instant the golden haired, hazel eyed beauty stepped out of the mist.
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare……….
Roman recalled the first time he saw his ex-fiance after he’d ended the engagement while she was lying in a hospital bed. She too was walking the pier and their eyes met, exchanging volumes in the silence of late afternoon along the riverfront. It was difficult to look into those dark eyes now that there could be nothing more than friendship, probably even more so for her than for him, because he had been the one in control and he had his other love. Nevertheless, love isn’t something you simply turn off like water running from a faucet. Feelings weren’t like that and he felt a pang of regret when he saw her in such pain.
How do you block the sound
Of a voice you’d know anywhere…
Awkward as it was, it couldn’t be avoided…. “Hello, Izzy.. I mean… Isabella,” he corrected, clearing his throat. That was a pet name.. no longer appropriate. “I uh… just wanted to see how you were doing.. are you okay?” he asked as he approached her hesitantly.
She glared at him… and then said, making sure to pull her sweater around her body, so he wouldn’t notice the slight change, “Now.. how do you want me to answer that, Roman… I can lie and say that I’m fine, if that’ll make you feel better.”
He winced… “Okay.. I guess I deserved that one.. Look, I’m sorry… I’m really sorry for how things turned out. I…loved you, Izzy and I wanted to marry you, but…”
“Would you just stop it, please! I’m tired of hearing you say that! It’s over…it’s just over! Please leave it alone and leave *me* alone, Roman! You’ve made your choice.. you can’t have it both ways! I don’t want to be your FRIEND!” She stormed off, not allowing him a chance to reply. As far as she was concerned, the shorter the contact the better; that way he wouldn’t find out what was going on, at least not before she decided what she was going to do about it.
Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual goodbyes
He pondered her strong statement. So, that was it… his relationship with her was severed forever…. not even a friendship. That hurt… he had grown to care for her over a period of time and he liked her as a friend, but sometimes there was no going back. This was apparently one of them. Roman sat down on the bench to let that reality sink in. For some strange reason he believed they could, not having thought it through from her point of view. But now he knew with finality that it wasn’t going to happen. The odd part about it was that he felt like he was grieving and he didn’t understand. He had made a choice, he loved Marlena, deeply and completely and he wanted to spend his life at her side. So, why did his heart ache so with loss…. why did he still think about what it was like to share his life with Isabella, to laugh and play with the kids together? Why was it so difficult to face her wrath and see her formerly warm loving eyes turn cold with the total lack of tender feelings toward him?
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me you might have
Now he knew why she was acting so strangely at the hospital and afterward, besides being angry. Roman remembered thinking there was something different about her ever since she left the hospital. Two weeks later, he knew what it was. She was carrying his child and she hadn’t wanted him to know at the time. Roman silently wondered how it could be that a woman who was having his baby might seek to keep such a monumental truth from him. Irrespective of the relationship between himself and the mother, he was the father of an unborn child and he had a right to know, didn’t he…
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive………..
The fact that he was now separated from Marlena as well, was unfathomable. It was impossible… he’d made his choice, the one she wanted, the one she essentially demanded he make. Marlena and he should have been able to deal with what was happening together. She said they could handle anything, so how was it that he was without either of the women he loved enough to marry?
The rapid turn of events left him off balance and confounded. Marlena somehow found out about Isabella’s pregnancy while she was at work, by accident really. According to his most recent conversation with Bo, who said she told him a few days after Roman found out, she’d seen Isabella coming out of Sarah Bader’s office a couple of times, and put two and two together. Marlena knew before he did and made her decision to leave without telling Roman about it prior to making plans to move out of their home. He’d surprised her in the act and she said she was leaving him, at least for the short term, until he and Isabella worked something out, whatever that might be. He hadn’t a clue…
The other woman wouldn’t even talk with him, let alone discuss what was to become of the child he had fathered thinking they would soon be sharing a marriage bed. Isabella wouldn’t even acknowledge the pregnancy to his face, though he knew it was true the first time he saw her afterward. Another unforgettable moment… She was standing in one of the corridors of University Hospital, talking with Jennifer, Bo, and Dr. Carly Manning, when he came around a corner. She was crying and he saw her cradling her belly…
Their eyes met for a millisecond and he knew… she could see it instantly and ran from him, making quick excuses to her friends. Before he could get close enough to speak to her, she was inside the elevator. He ended up talking through closed doors, leaning against the cold hard surface, sighing in frustration. When he turned back around, the ladies were gone and Bo Brady was standing there looking at him with a sorrowful expression on his face.
“Hey Bro…” said Bo, almost too pleasantly.
“Hey yourself…” Roman replied with a tired sigh, his head tilted downward. Bo didn’t say anything, waiting for his brother to draw his own conclusions. “So, it’s true… Izzy B is pregnant, isn’t she?”
His younger brother made a lame attempt to avoid the inevitable, saying, “I think she should be the one to tell you what’s going on with her, Roman.”
“Yea… but it’s true… I could see it in her eyes… and she was holding her stomach… that’s a pretty obvious sign… besides Doc just.. told me.”
“Oh…really.. how’d she find out?” his brother asked, genuinely surprised.
He shrugged and paused before answering verbally, “I don’t know.. by accident I guess…She wouldn’t tell me that part of it.”
“So, how did that go…when she told you about the baby, I mean? “
His face fell, the pain he was in terribly obvious, “Not good…. she moved out…”
With a sad sigh of commiseration, Bo responded compassionately, as they began to walk down the hallway, “Ah, man… I’m sorry… but it’s not.. permanent, is it?”
He shrugged again… as if to say he didn’t know and then added, “Not sure… things are changing so fast around here… it’s making me a little dizzy.”
Something in his older brother’s distressed blue eyes tipped him off to an illogical thought pattern, “I bet… but it’s not your fault, man…. You didn’t do anything wrong, Roman.”
A harsh laugh that sounded more like a cry escaped his lips as Roman replied to that statement, “Right… that’s why the two women I care the most about in this whole world are alone and crying right now… because I’ve handled things so damn well.”
Sensing the need for reassurance, Bo placed his hand on his brother’s upper arm and said it again, more clearly, “Roman… it’s not your fault… you thought Marlena was dead… Five years went by… and you fell in love with Isabella… you were living with her, you were about to marry her… nobody thinks that was wrong.”
He shrugged again, still uncertain he wasn’t to blame for something, “Yea.. maybe…”
“Bro… you didn’t break your vows to Marlena… and you can’t blame yourself for the pain they’re in right now… it just *is*… and now you have to find a way to deal with it.. beating yourself over the head won’t do anybody any good…including you…”
He nodded and flashed a subdued smile. Taking a step toward the windows in the waiting area, Roman shared his unsettled thoughts about the situation in which he found himself, “Yea… I guess you’re right… I just feel so bad about this, Bo… not to mention the kids… If I stayed with Izzy, then ‘the twinners’ would miss out on having both parents around them, when Doc’s already missed five years of their lives. And this new baby… it’s not his fault either… he’s innocent and he’s going to miss out on having a family, a mother and father who love each other and who can raise him together. It’s just so unfair.”
“Yes, it is…all the way around, but if you stay with Isabella because of the baby, when you’re really in love with Marlena… everybody loses…you have to know that, big brother.”
There was an eerie silence as Roman stared out the window, contemplating his worst fear. Finally, he expressed it, his voice wavering slightly as he turned back to face his younger sibling, “But Bo… what if.. Doc takes the choice out of my hands… what if she.. leaves me for good? What am I going to do then?”
He could almost feel the fear and the anguish his brother was experiencing. Putting both his hands on Roman’s shoulders, he spoke convincingly, forcing his sibling to look him in the eye and believe what he was saying, “No, that won’t happen, Roman… because you’re going to fight for her… you’re going to prove to Marlena that she’s making a mistake.”
Realizing there was nothing more to say, Roman only nodded, biting his tongue as a lone tear found its way out of the corner of his left eye. The next step was to find a way to get both women talking to him…
* * *
Currently, however, Roman Brady spent an inordinate amount of time staring out at the murky waters of the Salem River while trying to sort out his complicated love life, wishing that some higher power, if there were such a thing, would tell him what the heck he should do. He was aching inside from the suddenness of their separation, his body longing for her touch. Every time he’d even caught a glimpse of her since, he could literally feel his heart race and his breath quicken in response. And, no matter how positive he tried to be about the future, his last conversation with his wife came back to him in vivid techni-color, every word forever etched into his brain.
How do your numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush……..
He remembered stepping in the front door to see a couple of suitcases at the base of the staircase. She turned to face him, having placed the phone receiver down after completing a call. “Oh, Roman… you.. surprised me..”
He was flabbergasted, his mouth agape, his injured blue eyes staring back and forth between the suitcases and his wife. “Marlena.. how can you do this? You just spent a week working me over.. trying to get me to face my feelings for you and I did… I did and I told you that I wanted to share my life with you again, that I wanted to resume our marriage… You were so happy, Doc… how can you just walk away from me?”
“Roman… I’m sorry… but this is the way it has to be… things are getting a bit.. complicated… don’t you think?”
He was so stunned, her words hardly registered in his mind, “Marlena.. I don’t know what you’re talking about… and I can hardly believe what I’m seeing here. You were planning to leave without even talking to me first, weren’t you?”
“I think you know why I’m going, Roman… all that was before I knew Isabella was pregnant with your child… a fragile pregnancy at that…”
“Doc, we talked about this… when we were at the lake.. we agreed that we would handle it together… remember?” Somehow it still hadn’t sunk in… he was being told he was expecting another child with his former fiance, something he only suspected.
“Roman… that was hypothetical, this is real… She’s pregnant and we have to deal with it realistically… “
Somehow, he was able to compartmentalize and he responded intellectually, the emotional reaction being put aside for the sake of argument. “I know that… now… but I didn’t before. I can’t believe we just had lunch together today and you didn’t even tell me what you knew!
“I was hurt… very hurt and all I wanted to do was get away for awhile…to have some time to think… about what was right…”
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again…
“Right for who, Doc.. because you leaving sure as hell isn’t good for me! I love you… with all my heart, Marlena… and I need you, now more than ever. Please don’t do this!” he pleaded, reaching out to hold her wrist, keeping her from retrieving her jacket from the front hall closet.
She tugged her hand out of his grasp and pushed past him to open the closet door, saying nothing in reply.
“Oh, and for the record, Izzy B didn’t say anything to me either. What was I supposed to do, just… figure it out on my own… how could you do that to me, Doc?”
Not sure whether she believed him, Marlena didn’t respond to his denial about knowing the truth, instead stating her intentions and her reasoning, “I have to go, Roman… you know I do… You and Isabella… you need some time… time to decide what happens next… without having to worry about my… feelings.”
Grabbing her by the shoulders, he was forceful with her, disagreeing with her assessment of the situation, “No… she’s already decided, apparently… She won’t talk to me at all.. so, it looks like she’s planning to have the baby and raise it by herself. I will… be there for the two of them, if she’ll let me, but you and I are going to stay together forever… the way we were always meant to be. It’s that simple.”
Oh I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual goodbyes
There was a chill in her voice, one he’d never heard before, one that made him question their future for the first time since the moment he’d reaffirmed his commitment to her and their marriage. “No, Roman… it’s not…. Nothing about this situation is simple, and I don’t think it ever will be again.” With that, she was gone, shrugging out from under his grasp and rushing out the door to an awaiting car, driven by her best friend, Maggie Horton.
He raced after her, hoping to make an impact as he called out to her, “No, Doc… wait, don’t go… stay and talk to me… we can work this out! Doc, please!!” Marlena said nothing, shaking her head to reply, and purposely didn’t turn around to face him. She couldn’t allow herself to give in to him, not yet. She needed time to think and so did he. ‘This is for the best,’ she told herself as fearful tears began to fall from her worried eyes.
All that was left for Roman to do was watch them driving away. The love of his life was gone and he was alone again, wondering how in the *hell* he’d gotten himself into such a mess, and what he was going to do about it. Roman determined that regardless of what happened with the baby, he wasn’t going to live without Marlena for the rest of his life, no matter what he had to do to get her back. He just wasn’t going to lose her over this unfortunate set of circumstances. But for now, he had to learn to cope with the pain of being apart, pondering the concept that one should be able to take instruction from another in the fine art of being invulnerable. Roman sighed wistfully, wishing it were possible because he was all too well aware that until they worked things out, he was going to be one hurting puppy…
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive…..
What was that damn noise anyway? It wouldn’t stop… and it was irritating the hell out of him, making his aching head throb all the more. Finally, he was waking up and began to realize that it was the telephone. Grabbing at it to end the source of irritation, he groaned and let out a not so pleasant greeting, “Hello… what do you want?”
There was laughter, followed by the sound of his younger brother’s voice teasing him, “What a great way to start off the day, hello to you too, big brother…so you still hung over?”
“Yea… oh man, Bo… I had *way* too much beer last night…” he was saying as he tried to sit up…rubbing his hands over his face and massaging his temples. “Oh..boy..” Suddenly a wave of nausea washed over him and he raced for the bathroom, losing what little food and liquid remained in his digestive system. “Oh…” he groaned, leaning over the toilet bowl until it was over, remembering there was a reason he’d stopped going out with the boys like he did in his younger days.
Bo, suspecting what was happening, waited patiently for Roman to return. A few minutes later and he heard a weak voice offering an apology, “Bo… I’m sorry about that… I got sick… “
“I figured… it’s been awhile hasn’t it? You haven’t been out drinking for a long time… can’t hold your booze anymore, can you, Bro?”
“Guess not… anyway, why’d you call me so early… I’m sure it wasn’t just to rub this in…. what’s up little brother?” he asked, wanting to get whatever it was overwith so he could go back to lying in bed feeling sorry for himself.
“It’s about Isabella, Roman… normally I wouldn’t be telling you something like this, but I believe you have a right to know.”
“Know what?” he asked, paying more attention.
“Well, I’m not one hundred percent certain on this but I think she might be… considering having an abortion. She said something to Jen that made her think about it and she called me because she wasn’t sure what she should do.”
Just hearing the word struck terror in his heart. It never even occurred to him. “No…” She wouldn’t do it, she couldn’t… it was so unlike her… “An abortion? No, she can’t do that! I’m the father and I have rights, don’t I?” he asked, wondering exactly what they might be.
“I think so, yea… but I think you better check on them.. call Mickey… and act on it now… “
“Yea.. thanks for calling Bo… I know what this could cost you… she’s your half sister.. I’m sorry you got put into this position.”
“Yea, me too… but it can’t be helped. She’s got a new place, Roman… It’s called River View… a condo complex… number 109. Roman…I know this whole thing is hard to deal with… but try to remember… she’s really hurting right now…”
“I will… and I’m on my way…. thanks again, little brother… I owe you big time… ” he said running his fingers through his thick dark hair for something to do. As soon as he hung up the phone he was shrugging his way into a t-shirt and pulling on a pair of jeans, his eyes scanning the bedroom for hastily discarded shoes. He brushed his teeth, splashed some water on his face, shoved his bare feet into an old pair of Nikes and in five minutes time he was out the door and headed for his Mustang, thankful the twins were at Mom and Pop Brady’s for the night.
Knowing where the new development was, he sped off into the early morning light, praying she hadn’t taken action yet. Calling Mickey could wait; he had to talk to her first and appeal to her sense of reason, knowing she was in a lot of pain and wanting to make it stop. If Roman Brady had learned anything from his stint as Police Commander and husband to a talented psychiatrist, it was that severe emotional pain could cause people to take desperate action they might regret later. Roman knew that Isabella didn’t really want to take the life of their baby, but she was hurting and he had to be there for her, regardless of the consequences to his marriage.
* * *
Isabella was in her new place, a fresh coat of paint symbolic of a fresh start on life. She was hanging some pictures when she heard a soft knock at the door. Nobody knew about the new condo yet, except Jennifer, Bo, and Carly. Maybe they’d come by to help out… she brushed off her hands and went to the door, positively shocked when she saw who was standing there.
“Oh, Roman… how did you?” she asked, her mouth agape.
He was abrupt in spite of the pep talk he’d given himself just minutes earlier, “Doesn’t matter … may I come in?”
“I guess so.. but Roman, I think we’ve said all there is to say to each other…. Why are you here?” she was asking as she reluctantly stepped aside so he could enter.
“I think you know why…”
“No, why don’t you tell me,” she said, irritated with his tone, which indicated that he thought he had some right to make a demand of her. He clearly didn’t in her mind, and she was about to tell him so.
His eyes fell upon her belly… it was much too early for her to be showing, but it was instinctive, her hands followed his eyes. “Izzy, let’s not play games here.. you’re pregnant and unless you were sleeping with someone behind my back, I’d say that baby you’re carrying is mine…” She couldn’t even look at him, walking away from him even as he confronted her. “How could you keep something like that from me, Izzy B… how could you do it… after everything we’ve shared?”
The anger flared instantly, and she let it go, “Shared!… you’ve got that right… it’s in the past… anything we *had* is in the past! This baby is mine, Roman Brady.. your claim on me is finished. Now, if that’s all you came for, I suggest you leave…now!” she said commandingly, pointing toward the door.
He was shaking his head firmly, advancing toward her, feeling his own version of anger and a hint of betrayal, “No, not until we talk about this and decide what we’re going to do… I know that the engagement is off, but we share a child and we have some decisions to make.”
She shook her head, standing firm, her arms crossed in front of her body, “No, you’re wrong about that, Roman…there is no *we* anymore… *I* have some decisions to make… I’m the one who is pregnant, not you. This is my baby, not ours. Now, I want you to go!”
“So, just what are you saying, Isabella? You can’t be considering… no… come on you’re not really thinking of having an abortion… are you?”
So, her assessment of the situation was accurate. Neither Jen nor Bo could keep that kind of a secret. She smiled internally to know that it happened just as she hoped it might. “Nothing…I’m not saying anything to you, Roman… I don’t owe you any explanations. Our relationship is over and I don’t have to discuss this with you, or anyone else for that matter.”
He was flabbergasted that a woman he loved deeply enough to marry would turn him away so powerfully, and yet he understood how rejected she must be feeling. Who could blame her for wanting him to feel some of that pain in return for hurting he? “No… you can’t do that, Isabella… I have rights… as a father… you can’t just… get rid of the baby…. My baby!”
Jealousy reared its ugly head in her response… “Oh, can’t I? That’s what you did with me… as soon as your *precious* Marlena came waltzing back into town, you got rid of me like yesterday’s newspaper. You just threw me away… Now, you might see how it feels….”
Striving to remain calm, he forced the emotion down and responded to her feelings of rejection, reaching out to take her by the arm, a move she avoided. “No, Izzy… that’s not how it was…. You know how much I.. care about you… I still do… Please… don’t do this.”
Pointing toward the door again, Isabella yelled at him, “Roman, I want you to leave… right now…. Go on, get out of here, Roman Brady… you have no control over my life, not anymore!”
Part of him wanted to wring her neck and the other wondered what it would take to stop her, and how far he would go to save his unborn child’s life. Somewhere in between was where his soft pleading response came from, “Please, Izzy B…. don’t punish the baby for what I did. I’m so sorry for hurting you… but don’t… take the life of my child… our child, just to get back at me… please.”
There was a desperation in his slightly moist blue eyes and his quavering voice that she hadn’t seen before and she found it nearly irresistible. “Oh, Roman… ” she said as tears filled her eyes too. Suddenly, she didn’t want to be manipulating him this way… she wanted to take him in her arms and make everything alright. She wanted to steal away with him and leave the rest of the world behind.
He stepped closer, and took her hands in his, willing her to see how much he did still care for her… how much it meant to share a child… “I know you won’t do it… I know you won’t kill our baby… please just think about it, Izzy… please.”
Maybe, just maybe if she played her cards right… she could use his heartfelt desperation to save the baby to her advantage. Maybe the child could be her lasting connection to him, the way to come between Roman and his sainted Marlena and eventually break them up. “I’ll think about it… I will… but I’m making no promises, Roman. This is a big decision and it affects the rest of my life…”
He nodded, realizing he’d said all there was to say… and that he had to give her some time, “Alright… but you call me… any time, Isabella. If things seem to be crashing down around you… you call me and I’ll be there for you… every step of the way Izzy B… I mean that… I want to be a real father to this baby… we’ll raise him… together… I promise.”
“Okay… thank you, Roman… I will… After the door was closed behind him, she was patting her belly and complimenting herself, a smile of satisfaction crossing her face… ‘ Perfect… he’s hooked in already…. Brilliant Isabella…. Your performance was… exquisite and the timing was simply impeccable, if I must say so myself. I just knew my sweet friend Jennifer couldn’t live with what I was telling her.’There were pangs of guilt for playing them all like a deck of cards, but she couldn’t let it stop her. The baby was her only chance at getting Roman back, and she would do whatever it took, even if it meant using an innocent unborn child.
* * *
Roman Brady was drained… in more ways than one… He needed to call Mickey Horton to determine his legal options in case his appeal to reason failed, but he knew he was in no shape for a meeting just yet. So, instead he headed to his thinking spot…He parked the car, slowly descended the old wooden stairs and then sat down on one of the familiar benches to stare absently out over the slightly murky waters of the Salem River. It was a constant in his sometimes chaotic and painful life, something that never changed… was always there when he needed a place to go, when he sought some peace of mind, the river was there for him and he took great comfort in it. Leaning back against the wooden bench, he took in a deep breath and let the oxygen flow through his body, then slowly let it out and opened his eyes again, approaching his situation with a slightly clearer head.
“Hello, Roman…” He looked up and saw a vision of loveliness he hadn’t expected to see for days, if not weeks.
“Oh, Doc… hi.. what are you..” he said, his surprise evident in his wide eyes.
“What am I doing here? I’m looking for you, Roman… I think we need to talk.”
He nodded, gesturing for her to sit down, “Yea…”
She sat down next to him, taking note of his appearance… “Haven’t been sleeping too well, have you?”
“How’d you guess?” he asked with a wry grin spreading across his face, remembering how he’d looked when he glanced in the mirror earlier.
“Oh, nothing really… just the stubble… the shoes with no socks… wild hair.. “
“That about does it… so how about you?” She was stunning in a soft pink suit, her hair and make up perfect, as usual. “You look… incredible, Marlena… you must be doing okay….” he said rather mournfully, suddenly thinking that maybe she was going to tell him it was over, and that he needed to be with Isabella.
She smiled at the compliment, but at the same time discounted its value, “I’m miserable… make up does wonders for a girl…”
He shook his head to deny her claim… “Nah, not you, Doc…you never needed any…. You’re the most naturally beautiful woman I’ve ever seen…” She blushed, a light shade of pink making her all the more appealing, and he smiled… it was a special moment out of time… her lips curled into a sweet smile and she mouthed the words, ‘thank you.’
They sat together for a long minute or two without saying anything further, enjoying the companionable silence of the morning. Finally, it was Marlena who broke that silence with an apology of sorts. “Roman, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions about the baby. I should have stayed and listened to you.”
He shrugged and tried to let her off the hook, “It’s okay…”
Taking his right hand in her left, she went further, “No, it’s not, okay… I wasn’t fair to you at all… Roman, I know you’ve had an awful lot to deal with and it wasn’t right for me to run out on you when you needed me the most. I was just so… hurt.”
He nodded his head… wishing it away and yet not… he was going to be a father to a newborn again, something he didn’t really remember sharing… there were moments… but he couldn’t actually remember the entire pregnancy and the birth of the twins… “I know…. I’m sorry… I’m just so sorry about all of it, Doc.. I’m sorry for you and I’m sorry for her…” he said, resting his weary head in his hands.
“And for you… what about you?” she asked one hand touching his ruggedly handsome face, the other rubbing the tense muscles of his back, worrying about the fact that he was so quick to dismiss his pain.
He shrugged again and met her gaze, as if to say what he was feeling didn’t count for much, if anything. “I’m okay…really. I just hate to see the two of you hurting so much. It tears me up inside to think of both of you crying because of me.”
“Oh, Roman… your suffering matters too… it matters to me… I love you and I’m so sorry that my coming home has caused you so much pain.”
Shaking his head, he took both her hands in his and turned to face her, gazing intently into her worried hazel eyes, “No, Doc… we’ve been through this…please don’t apologize for coming home…. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, besides falling in love with you in the first place… “
“But…”
“But nothing… we’ll deal with everything else… ” His eyes wandered for a moment and she knew there was something serious happening, and that it was the reason he was out on the pier without ever having gotten ready for the day.
“Roman… there’s something on your mind right now…. something really important.. isn’t there?”
He tried to deny it, thinking it would only compound the problems between them if he shared his worries. “No… I’m okay… just had too much to drink last night, that’s all.”
“Don’t lie to me… wasn’t my belief that you were hiding something from me what started all of this off the other day?”
Again, she was right. He nodded and tried to look at her, saying, “Yea…alright… it’s about Isabella.”
“And the baby?” she added, realizing it wasn’t about his unresolved feelings for the woman, but about what they now shared.
Roman was hesitant to tell her, wondering how she would respond, but ultimately he knew he had to share it with her, so he did, speaking quietly, “Yea… she’s uh… she’s considering having an abortion, Doc.. “
There was a long moment of soundlessness… He stared into her eyes, trying to read her expression, pondering whether or not she hoped that was what would happen. All he saw was great concern for him, which was astounding. Finally, she spoke, very softly, “Oh, Roman… I don’t know what to say. I’m…sorry.”
“Yea… me too.. but… that’s not your problem.. so maybe I think I ought to go on home and get cleaned up. I really gotta get over to the Cop Shop. Would you meet me for lunch later, say around 1:00?” he asked, standing up, prepared to leave.
It was clear that he was hiding his pain for her benefit and she didn’t want to let him leave like that… Grasping at his arm, she beseeched him to open up, “Roman… I care about you so much… and when you’re hurting… I hurt for you… please talk to me, honey…”
Shaking his head, he tried to avoid causing her any more distress than he already had, “I don’t want to hurt you…”
“It’s okay… I think I know… you want her to keep the baby. You want to raise this child with her, don’t you?”
He nodded reluctantly and his eyes filled with moisture at the thought his wanting that would wound the woman he loved so deeply, “Yea… yea I do… I’m so.. sorry…” he said, near the release of tears.
She felt so bad for him…for herself…for Isabella and the child that had no say in the matter, “Oh, don’t be sorry… Roman… you love..d her, and you were about to be married when I came back. Honey… having a child with the woman you love is the most.. natural thing in the world… and I understand if you… feel strongly connected to Isabella and the baby…”
“You do?” he asked incredulously, staring into pools of amber, thinking this must be a dream. “But how can… ” No woman could be this understanding, this filled with compassion for the feelings of another.
Her own eyes were beginning to overflow and her voice trembled as she answered honestly, “Yes… of course… I can’t say that it doesn’t.. hurt me… and that there won’t be.. times when I… resent that connection… but I love you, Roman Brady… with all my heart.. and I *know* you. Roman, you wouldn’t… be the man I fell in love with if you could just.. walk away from her and leave this child without a father figure.”
She was a gift, that’s all there was to it.. “Oh, Doc…I love you… God, how I love you, lady…” he said, pulling her close, stroking her golden hair and sighing with relief, a tear of joy leaking out as he relaxed into their embrace. This was a love that words could not adequately capture and he knew beyond all doubt that he was the luckiest man on the planet to have her in his arms and in his life. “I love you SO much!” he said in a voice filled with indescribable passion.
“And I love you so… ” she said smiling through her tears, loving the feel of his body close to hers, even when he smelled of stale beer and his unshaven cheeks scratched her face. She knew deep in her heart that somehow, some way, they would make it through yet another challenge, and that the bond which stretched between them from the moment their eyes first met, would grow ever stronger for being tested.
Hope Williams-Brady heard her husband’s heavy sigh and turned to see him standing on deck of the boat with his back to her, his eyes fixed on the portable telephone. “Bo… I know that was a hard decision for you to make.. but for what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing, honey.”
He turned, thankful for her loving supportive presence in his life, “Thanks Hope.. that means a lot to me. I hate this situation… I feel so bad for Isabella but at the same time, I’m so glad that Marlena is back. I can see a difference in Roman.. like he’s I don’t know… really alive again..”
“Me too… I can see it too… but even so… it’s going to be hard for everyone for a long time. It’s a big adjustment for all of us, including Marlena, but we’ll make it… and you were right…Roman had a right to know about the baby.”
“Yea… it’s just that Isabella… she’s just hurting so much. I understand why she might think about an abortion… I mean her whole world was shattered. Just a few weeks ago she was happier than she’d ever been… about to get married, start a family.. and now suddenly she’s alone and facing life as a single mother.. not too easy to take.”
She nodded and stepped closer, placing her arms around his waist. “No… but I’ll tell you one thing… it sure has reminded me to appreciate what we have… thinking it could all be taken away in the blink of an eye. We came so close to losing each other on that cruise… Thank God we didn’t… I love you so much, Brady..”
“Yea…. When I saw that explosion… I swear I thought I’d lost you, Fancy Face…. But.. I didn’t and I thank God every day for that… and speaking of families… why don’t we get in a little practice on that baby making stuff ourselves. Babies seem to come in bunches, you know.”
Her smile was dazzling, a hint of mischief in her gorgeous dark eyes, as she told him that might just work out, “I know… and it just so happens, that your parents are going to take the twins for the day. They called last night and asked if we wanted to send Shawn D over to spend the day with them.. They came over and got him while you were still sleeping.”
“Oh really… that’s very interesting because it just so happens that my first appointment at the PI place isn’t until 11:00… “
She stole a glance at her watch and exclaimed gleefully, “Oh boy… race you to the bedroom… sailor man… “
“You’re on!” he said excitedly, just before sliding her out of his way so he could make a dive for it…
* * *
Across town, Isabella was plotting her next move when she felt a strange twinge in her back… a pain that had to be something other than the baby, or was it? Mysteriously, it was gone as swiftly as it had come, so she dismissed it. There wasn’t anything to be concerned about, she decided; she’d probably just been moving too many boxes around and should take it easy, that was all.
Making herself a cup of decaffeinated tea, she sat down on the couch to relax and read a book, anything to distract herself from the pain of separation. Being apart from Roman felt like dying. She had come to depend on him a great deal, more than she ever thought possible. Isabella had never really loved a man before and she had given Roman her heart and soul. But he discarded her like yesterday’s newspaper the second Marlena showed up on the scene, the perfect saint that she was. It wasn’t his fault.. How could he do anything else? No, Marlena was the villain in the scenario… a man stealer.
Thinking about it made her Italian blood boil… and she spoke to her rival, a picture of Roman and Marlena embracing assaulting her mind repeatedly… the one from their wedding ceremony in August of 1986… ‘You think you’ve won, don’t you? That he has fallen under your spell again… Well, you’re wrong, Doc! I won’t let you have him, Roman is mine and I’m going to have him… this baby will bind us together forever and he will be back in my life, and in my bed. You’ll never know what hit you…’
* * *
Roman and Marlena held each other for awhile, content to be in each other’s arms again, enjoying the view of the Salem River flowing freely. Finally, it was Roman who brought them back to reality. “Listen, Marlena… I have to go to the Cop Shop… I have a… meeting to run, but I think I can get free for lunch.. will you meet me?
“Sure… I’ll come to the station, how’s that?”
He answered with a chuckle, “You mean… you’re afraid I’ll get wrapped up in a case and I’ll forget?”
She nodded, “Uh huh… “
“You know me so well… you’re right.. there are a bunch of em… okay, come at 12:30?”
“Twelve thirty it is… I love you… Commander Brady..” she said with a teasing wink and a proud smile.
“Yea… me the boss man… who’d a thunk it?” he said puffing his chest out, a hint of male pride flashing in his slightly bleary blue eyes
She smiled broadly, and replied firmly, “I would… I always knew you were a born leader of men, Roman… it’s a natural ability… you’re so good with people.”
He averted his gaze and nearly blushed, reminding her of those sweet early days, when he was shy and not so sure of himself… ‘It’s true you know… “
Looking up, he accepted her appraisal, “I guess I’m still not so great at taking compliments… thank you.”
“You’re welcome, now go home and get cleaned up will you?” she said, placing her hands upon his shoulders as if to give him a little shove to overcome the inertia.
Taking a good look at himself, he nodded his head in agreement and then voiced it… “Yea… good idea… I’m surprised you were willing to be seen with me, let alone hug me.”
Gesturing toward the river, she said, “Well, I’ve learned to handle a lot where you’re concerned Roman Brady… I seem to remember a man who dove into the River and came out smelling like fish on our wedding day.”
That made a sweet grin spread across his face. “Ha yea… truly the best of times….how could I forget that one?”
“It’s been a long time…. ” she said, suddenly tearful, looking away and toward the water.
Closing the distance between them he put one arm around her slender body and the other hand went to her chin, tipping it up slightly so that she could see the love and commitment in his eyes as he spoke to her. “Hey… hey….I didn’t really forget it, Doc…. you know I didn’t,” he said, realizing she was still insecure about his choice and that his sharing a child with Isabella threatened her in spite of her reassurances to the contrary. “I love you… and those memories are what kept me alive sometimes… but you’re right… it has been a long time… and it’s gonna take us awhile to… find our way….to make a new.. Us… “
“Oh, Roman… I just love you so much!” she cried as she buried her head into his chest. Instinctively, he enfolded her in the warm strength of his arms and stood there with her until she felt safe and as loved as he could make her feel.
After several minutes of silence, he spoke to her seeking truth, “Marlena… I want you to be honest with me. I need to know for certain… are you sure you’re okay with me… being there for Isabella during this pregnancy? and for the baby after it’s born?”
She nodded…. tearful but sincere, “Yes… it’s alright.”
“You know that… even if I’m with her for Lamaze classes…. and I’m there when the baby’s born…. my heart belongs to you, only you.”
“Yes…”
She didn’t sound convinced. He shook his head and frowned, “Now, say it like you believe it, Doc.”
“Your heart belongs to me…”
He made another face….”Ah… come on.. now I *know* you can do better than that Doctor Marlena Evans-Brady.”
She smiled at his determination to ensure that she felt the power of his love and the depth of his commitment to her… and raised her voice, “Roman Brady’s heart belongs to Marlena Evans… forevermore!”
That brought a broad grin to his face… Cupping her cheeks between his hands, he granted his approval and made an invitation, “Better….now.. you want to come home with me and help me get…. cleaned up?”
There was a twinkle in his eye…. “You’ll be late for your meeting… ” she said with a sexy wink, the movement of her hands down his backside indicating she’d caught his real meaning.
Placing his right arm over her shoulders and guiding them both toward the old wooden stairs he sighed with pure anticipation saying, “Ah… you see… now that’s the beauty of being the top cop…. I can change the time…”
She was beaming…. “Oh, I do like that authoritative attitude of yours…. You’re on, baby….Want me to wash your back?”
“Oh yea…. this is sounding better and better all the time…” he said leaning in for a quick kiss as they reached the top of the stairs.
“Oh Roman…. I love the way you kiss me… ” she moaned, wondering how they had ever survived without each other.
“Mmmm, that’s only because you’re the perfect kissing partner… you bring out the best in me, Doc…. ” he whispered between contacts.
“Oh, I sure hope so….. ” she said, breathless and barely able to contain her desire as their eyes met. They’d only been together once since her return and she was aching to be with him.
“Let me take you home and I’ll show you what you do to me, lady…. ” he was saying as they approached his Jeep.
“How fast can you drive?” she teased him, knowing he wanted her as much as she wanted to be with him.
Opening her door and helping her get situated, he answered with confidence, still making a joke out of it, “Pretty fast…..and if I speed too much, I’ll just write myself a ticket and then go to the Commander to get it fixed.”
She shook her head and laughed a belly laugh at his silliness, “Brilliant plan, Mr. Brady…. brilliant. Now please…..get the led out, honey!”
“Your wish is my command, pretty lady…. ” he said with another adoring gaze, just before he put the pedal to the floor, racing off toward the Brady household.
The mood was somber as Doctor Nathan Caine spoke to one of his partners in a joint venture. Uncertain about his future, the Doctor had been hesitant to discuss the precarious situation in which he found himself.
“So, do you think she recognized your voice?”
But this particular question he could answer easily, “No, she was too worried about her daughter and they’ve been so busy since they returned that I’m sure the doctor who treated her little girl at some county hospital in the mountains is the last thing on her mind. Besides, even if it did seem familiar, she has no point of reference… she won’t remember. I’m sure of it.”
“What about Brady? You said he acted suspicious of you? That he caught your expression when he said his first name?”
“I thought he might have wondered about that for a moment,…. yes, and he got curious when Donovan’s name came up, but I think he’s so distracted by the situation with the two women, one of them pregnant and the other having just returned from the dead. He probably won’t even remember his concerns. Besides, even if he does… I told him just enough… and Donovan can only confirm what I said to Brady. I don’t think we have a thing to worry about.”
Wanting to think of all contingencies, the man continued to play devil’s advocate, “What about his younger brother… I heard he can cause some problems..”
Nathan dismissed that concern quickly, “No… I doubt Roman has said anything to him…. my guess he’s probably forgotten about it by now.”
“You better be right about all of this or we’re in for some serious trouble…. “
“Look…. I’ve already contacted Donovan… reminded the “chap” of old times… if Brady should happen to call, he’ll get exactly what we want him to get…. nothing more. It will be another dead end in his fruitless search to find out the truth about his wife’s missing years.”
“Good, a pre-emptive strike…. yes, that will suffice, good thinking. You know what will happen if he learns the truth….”
“Yes…. I’m well aware of the consequences of failure.”
“Alright, keep me informed. You know how the man likes to be kept in the loop at all times.”
“Count on it; both our lives are on the line here….”
“Yes.. Nathan, they are. If this goes wrong, even a little, we’re finished, no questions asked.”
* * *
Roman was on the phone talking to one of his men, and his recently returned from the dead wife was determined to tease him, undressing in front of him, causing a significant distraction, not to mention heavy breathing. “Oh my God….” he whispered upon seeing the sexy bra and panties underneath her suit.
“What was that sir… I didn’t quite catch that,” said his second in command.
Clearing his throat, he struggled to think straight enough to comment intelligently, “Oh, I uh…. I said… that’s odd.. you know…. that the guys were there early today…. just tell em I uh…. tell them I got held up… and I’ll be in about an hour…”
“Yes sir… if you don’t mind me asking, you don’t sound so good…. are you alright?” asked his subordinate.
She was taking off her bra…. and he gasped.. “Oh, yea… I’m alright… in fact…. I’m.. better than alright Scofield… see ya…” he finished, hanging up the phone to concentrate on more immediate concerns.
“Yes sir… ” Brian hung up the phone thinking how strange his boss sounded. ‘Must be the stress he’s under,’ he said to no one in particular… before heading out to announcing the change in meeting time.
“Held up…. I think that might be a rather accurate description,” she said with a sly grin, looking down at the bulge in his pants.
He was overcome with passion… and his voice was a mere whisper, “Mmm hmm… Oh Doc, you look….”
“How…. how do I look, Roman?” she asked, swinging her hips as she passed by him, heading toward the bathroom, dropping her panties along the way.
He swallowed hard…. “Incredibly, breathtakingly… sexy…. that’s how you look….” he said between labored breaths, barely resisting the urge to tackle her and take her right there in the hallway.
She turned around to face him in all her naked glory, enjoying what she was doing to him… “Well then… what are you waiting for…. weren’t we going to get you…. all cleaned up?”
He nodded, staring, unable to take his eyes off her slender curves and the perfect round smoothness of her breasts, “Oh, yea…. the shower…. I was supposed to take a… shower…”
“Well, come on… it’s big enough for two… unless you want to be alone, that is….”
Shaking his head vigorously, he shot that idea down immediately, “Oh, no… trust me, Doc.. being alone is the *last* thing I want right now…”
“What *do* you want, Commander Brady…. I hear you like to give orders…. do you have any for me… “
“Uh huh… I’d like to ask you to…. please make mad passionate love to your husband…. he’s missed you desperately…”
“It’s amazing, but I was just thinking the same thing…. but you know, honey…. you’ll have to walk over here if we’re going to take a shower together….”
Roman was enraptured by her natural beauty, in awe of her, “Yea… ” was all he could say, his head nodding automatically.
She started to laugh, pleased to see that she could still hold him spellbound. When he made no move, she reached out to take his hand, tugging him close to her body. Without further warning she captured his mouth, her tongue slipping effortlessly inside and swirling around his. In seconds he was returning the kiss with passion, taking her breath this time. “Mmm… Oh, Roman… Oh, I’ve missed you too… “
His hands were all over her… massaging, kneading, and stimulating her desire to a level only this man could inspire.. Lifting her off the ground, Roman kissed her again and stepped inside the bathroom. He reached in to turn on the shower while she began to take off his shirt, kissing him in the spot exposed with each newly unfastened button. Roman let her take the lead, enjoying this new side of her.
“Does that feel good, Roman…” she teased as she worked her way down to his waist, admiring his firmly chiseled musculature, and watching his sexy chest rise and fall with every breath.
“Oh yea… and how about this?” he asked as his hands gently cupped the soft round tenderness of her breasts, moving in circular fashion at the same time as he licked at her neck and right earlobe.
She moaned and turned her head, grasping at his chin and pulling until their mouths met again. It was an explosion of heated passion, a force that took over when they were together this way.
While Marlena removed his shirt, Roman wriggled out of his jeans with a sigh of sweet anticipation… At last there was nothing to impede their intimacy… he drank in the sight of her… still amazed that she had returned after so long… “Oh, Doc…. oh, I missed you.. God, I missed you… us…like this.. ” he said, as a light mist formed behind his desiring eyes.
“Oh, so did I…. it seemed so long….those few days after I came back… it was agony…. “
They were kissing, breathing hard, hands exploring as if for the first time….. passions renewed…. “For me too…. I wanted to be with you… you have to know that… ” he said, almost choked by the power of his need for her, still feeling like he’d hurt her.
Seeing the remorse in his moist eyes, hearing the guilt in his voice… she hushed him, massaging him the way she knew he liked….. pleased with the results… “Shh… it’s okay… you don’t have to explain…. or apologize…. I understand…. make love to me, Roman… please just make love to me and make the world go away…. “
Nodding, he lifted her into the warm stream of water. “Gladly..” he replied, trapping her against the shower wall as he captured her mouth, his tongue flicking in and out, swirling around hers, teasing her, making her moan…. “Oh.. Roman… oh…” she cried…
Loving the effect he was having on her, he took her hands in his left and raised them over her head, while he moved in to lavish her breasts with affection…. his tongue swiping at her nipples… then taking each breast inside his mouth for a time…. alternating between them…. his other hand sliding between her legs, pressing gently…
She gasped at the sheer spine tingling delight of it…. “Oh.. Roman… ” she cried as her desire rose higher and higher… her hands and body trapped…. she could do nothing but feel the heat of her need for him. He smiled.. and kissed her lips.. licking at them too…
The hot water splashing over their bodies only served to increase their passions… the steady pelting of water droplets heightening the sense of pulsating need…..
Tilting her head back, her tongue flicked out to meet his but he teased her unmercifully, not allowing her to deepen the kiss…
Making a sudden move, she turned it around, pushing him up against the back wall of the shower, both her hands massaging him toward the peak of love… Hearing his ragged breathing, she knew he was close. Marlena leaned into him, letting him near the point of joining… while she nipped at his chest, her teeth sinking in and releasing… He groaned with the aching, throbbing sensation the combination stimulated in him, but focused on restraining himself… waiting… letting her bring him to the same place….
Their eyes met…. glistening hazel and sparkling blue…. without words they said so much…. this love they shared was an incomprehensible unstoppable force… nothing could break the bond they shared… It was meant to be….and this special kind of indescribable intimacy was theirs alone… a connection of souls, a melding of two hearts, two singular bodies becoming one in the moment of their joining.
Without another sound, Roman entered her, and together they moved in perfect time, thrusting and arching, kissing and touching, moaning as the point of ecstasy neared….
“I love you Doc…I love you so much… I need you so much!” Roman cried…pulling her closer still, wanting every part of their bodies to touch.
It was wonderful… and she relished the strength of his desire to be close to her in every way possible… “I need you too…. and I love you with all my heart and soul… oh.. Roman… Oh, God!…she screamed as he made the final move that brought heated waves of intense pleasure.
They held each other upright as a feeling of sated weakness came over them, causing them to lurch and fall against the walls of the shower… kissing, touching, and giggling with delight. “Oh… Commander Brady.. I think you outdid yourself…. whew…. ” she said, feeling shaky from the rush of lovemaking.
Still breathing hard, Roman smiled, enjoying the effect he had on her… “You liked that did you…. well, it just so happens… we have a lifetime to perfect this love match, Mrs. Brady….” he said, while drawing her near again.
“Oh…. yes we do, don’t we my love… Oh, you can’t know how glad I am to hear you say that… I love you so…. ” she said, weeping with joy, as she felt the comfort of his arms around her.
Reaching out to caress her tender cheeks, Roman nodded and felt the moisture born of the same emotion rising in his own eyes, as he leaned in to kiss her. A sweet dream he’d had for years was finally becoming a reality. Marlena Evans, the love of his life was back home safe and sound… Loving her and being loved by her was all he ever wanted and needed in his whole life. She healed the wounds left by the trauma to his mind all those years ago, she soothed the restlessness in his soul, and she tamed the angry lion that sometimes raged within. Marlena Evans made Roman Brady a better man. She completed him.
As his wife looked up at him adoringly, love shining through her glimmering eyes, he made a solemn vow. No one would ever separate them again, and he would find the people responsible for the five years they were torn apart. He would find them, and he would make them pay for the suffering they’d inflicted.
Lying in bed, they luxuriated in their clean and sated nakedness for a little while, basking in the afterglow, loving every minute of their intimate time together.
Roman traced the delicate line of her jaw, gazed deeply into glistening hazel orbs and spoke from the heart, “Oh…pretty lady, I’m so lucky…. so incredibly lucky to have you back, in my life, in my arms… and in my bed.”
“Should I bother to ask which part makes you feel the luckiest?” she said with a wink and sexy smile as she leaned in to kiss him, pressing her body closer.
Wrapping both arms around her, he smiled and said, “Oh it’s a total package deal… I love all of it… “
“Ah… I feel lucky too…. that even after five years, I could come home and find that you love me as much as you did when I disappeared.”
“More…. I love you more, Doc…. but you know… sometimes.. when you’re sleeping…. I wake up and I look over at you… and I have to…..touch you.. to make sure it’s not just another dream.”
She ran her fingers through his thick dark hair, that hair she longed to touch, “Oh, baby… it is a dream… a dream come true… you and me, together like we were meant to be.”
Leaning in to kiss her again, stroking her golden locks in return, Roman repeated it back, wanting to make it true, “Yes we are… we are meant to be and we will be together today, tomorrow, and on into eternity. Nothing and no one will ever tear us apart again.”
In the back of his mind, he knew he could never forget, could never let his guard down for even a second, because whoever had taken her was not finished with them. Her escape and subsequent return to Salem was either a colossal mistake by her captors or it was done purposely, with some sinister master plan in mind. There were no facts to substantiate either possibility at the moment, but either way, Roman’s gut instincts told him their ordeal was from over.
A short while later, they were getting dressed, Roman donning a pair of dark jeans, cowboy boots, on his way to putting on a button down shirt. Marlena sat up on the bed and watched him for awhile, enjoying the movements of his sexy body as he wriggled into his underwear and jeans. He was so distinctly masculine, his lean muscular body seemingly sculpted by a master artist. Roman Brady was a courageous, heroic man who sometimes seemed larger than life, and yet he was so tender and loving with her and their children, so sweet and vulnerable. She thought there could be no better combination of attractive physical attributes and personality traits than those found in the man she loved.
That is, until his face bore that dark, almost murderous expression of tightly controlled fury, the muscles of his jaw taut, his cobalt blue eyes focused on something far away from her and the serenity of their home. He wore it now, the one that scared her so…
“Roman, what are you thinking about? You have that look in your eyes..”
He passed it off with a casual smile, “What look… I don’t have a look.”
“Yes you do…and you’re doing that eyebrow thing..”
“Eyebrow thing?” he said, looking at her like she’d lost her mind.
“When you’re concentrating really hard on something serious, you scrunch up your eyebrows.” She demonstrated and he cracked a reluctant smile.
“I do?”
“Yes and you were doing it just now… what’s it all about?”
Placing his wallet, car keys, and cash in his pockets, he scrambled for an answer that would distract her, “Work…. I uh… I was thinking that I really ought to get over to the Cop Shop… you know… the boss man can’t expect his men to do more than he’s willing to do himself… Got to set an example.”
“No, there’s more to it than that…” He shook his head, his blue eyes saying, ‘Please don’t go there, Doc.’
“Roman… I thought we were in agreement about this… that we were going to concentrate on our love and being thankful we’re together again.”
“We are…”
“But….. there’s always a but…” she said standing up and crossing the distance between them.
“And a beautiful one at that.. ” he said cocking his head endearingly, stepping closer, his hands sliding around her nearly naked frame, to caress her shapely backside.
She danced out of his grasp and peered into slightly hidden eyes, not allowing his stimulating touch to distract her. “You’re going to keep searching for answers… you’re going to keep digging until you find out where I was being held and why….aren’t you? “
No sense in arguing with the woman when she was hot on a trail. She was like a bloodhound sometimes. Pulling his shirt around his shoulders, he replied while looking away, not wanting to see her reaction, “Something like that, yea… because until I do… we’ll never rest easy. We have to know and we have to track down the people responsible so they’ll never interfere in our lives again.”
“Roman, have you considered the possibility that maybe…. for once… you’re wrong. And that the way to find the peace we want is to let this go… to just be grateful and move on with our lives?”
He nodded once, “Oh, for about five minutes.” He stopped and turned to face her, placing his hands upon her slender shoulders, imploring her to hear him, “Doc, listen to me… these people were willing to keep you from everyone you loved for five years…. to let all of us believe that you were dead… you think that suddenly they’re going to just let you go… and forget about it?”
She hated it when he was right, or at least sounded so convincing. She was so tired of being afraid….”I don’t know, Roman… I don’t know!”
“Well I *do* know… Whoever these people are, they won’t give this up so easily… They wanted something… from all of us… They won’t stop until they get it. So, we have to figure out what that was and who was behind it in the first place.”
“No matter the risk?” she asked, her hazel eyes brimming with fearful tears. She hated what her return was doing to him, a part of her wishing she’d never come back, wishing he could just settle down and be happy.
He stood firm, squaring his imposing frame, as he placed the shoulder holster around his body, the gun in its proper place, suddenly symbolic as he replied without hesitation, “No matter the risk.”
“Ooh…. of all the stubborn….. ” Before she could say anything further or stomp off in a huff, he grabbed her and captured her mouth with a fierce passion, willing her to feel how intensely he loved her, his tongue persuading her in ways his words could not. He wanted to make her understand that he would NOT lose her, not EVER again, and that he would do whatever it took to protect her and their children.
When it was over, they were both breathless, filled with desire and passionate beliefs. He stared deeply into moist hazel eyes, his own starting to cloud over, his voice trembling ever so slightly, “Don’t you understand… that losing you… destroyed me, Doc! If it weren’t for the kids…I probably wouldn’t be here….I won’t let it happen again! I won’t risk THAT! I will find those Bastards and I will make them pay for what they did… for the nightmares you have…. and for the nightmare we lived when you were taken from us!”
She yanked herself out of his grasp, confronting him with her own brand of fury, “Alright! Alright, I understand it now… Go, Roman… go to work… Go on this.. vendetta of yours and see if it gets you what you’re seeking! See if it stops the pain!”
The tide was turning, and it felt like he was being accused of something, “What the hell is *that* supposed to mean?”
“You know… “
“What…. now who’s playing word games?”
She pointed her finger at his chest to emphasize her point, “This is about GUILT, Roman… and shame… pure and simple!”
“Like HELL it is!”
“Yes….yes… and you know it. You feel guilty for moving on.. and even more than that.. You just can’t seem to let go of the fact that the *great* Roman Brady, master detective, never figured out that his wife was still alive and being held captive. For five years…. it went on and you never had a CLUE! That sticks in your craw like nothing else… and you want revenge on the people who made you look so inept!”
He was stricken to hear her talk like that. His head shook imperceptibly as he tried to respond in defense of himself, “Oh, no… no, that’s not it, Marlena…. how could you…. think that about me? My God, Doc…”
She didn’t back down… but she winced when she saw the wounded expression in his moist blue eyes. Sometimes the truth hurt. They’d been through far too much to shy away from it now.
Roman backed away from her, stunned, almost stumbling over the metal strip separating the bedroom from the hallway. He walked out the door without another word, reeling from the heated confrontation with his shortcomings. Rushing down the stairs he grabbed a jacket and nearly ran to his car, as if he could run from her soul piercing accusation.
Questions swirled inside his mind as the shock and anger abated slightly. Was there some truth in what Marlena said? Was he so wracked with shame and guilt that he couldn’t see things for what they were?
She walked into the precinct, wondering if he were even there, whether he might have been so upset he went for a drive first. If that were the case she would wait. Nothing was more important than making things right between them. How could she have said such things to Roman? She knew from the expression on his face that she’d hurt him deeply.
Did she say it because she was so afraid for him… and for them and she wanted so much for him to stop the search that she would have said anything? Or was it because in her heart of hearts she resented the fact that he stopped looking for her all those years ago and began to move on with his life? Wasn’t it like she’d been saying all along…. that she was just so grateful to be home with her husband and children that nothing else mattered?
It was all so terribly confusing….
Her disconcerting thoughts were interrupted by a pleasant familiar voice, and a gentle hand on her left shoulder. “Hey Marlena… what’s going on? Are you okay…. you seem… upset.”
Glad to look up into a welcoming face, she guessed Roman hadn’t said anything to his brother, “Oh, hi Bo, I’m fine.. just need to talk to Roman, is he here yet?”
Before her brother-in-law, who suddenly understood part of the reason for his brother’s foul mood upon his arrival earlier, could open his mouth, the man in question poked his head in the door. Upon seeing her, he frowned, then turned around and left without saying anything, wishing to avoid further angry, hurtful words.
Bo’s gaze lingered toward the door, wondering about the strange combination of emotions he saw in his older brother’s face. “What was that all about? I haven’t seen him like that since… well not for a long time..”
Marlena let out a mournful sigh before answering, “Oh… Bo, we had a fight… “
“Don’t tell me let me guess… did it have anything to do with his wanting to find out what happened to you when you were gone? Who had you and why?”
She nodded and the tears started to flow. It seemed that every time they had things moving in the right direction, something came along to derail them.
Bo understood why she was scared. He shared some of the same concerns. “Hey… now come on… you two can work this out… you know you can..” he said taking a seat on the chair next to hers, scooting it closer.
“Oh, I don’t know, Bo… there’s something happening to him… there’s this…” She hesitated, not sure how to describe it exactly.
He nodded and said it for her… “Look in his eyes… I know.. I’ve seen it too… it was there when Orpheus had you…”
She remembered the watchful wariness after her initial rescue….constantly looking over his shoulder, verging on paranoia at times. “Yes… and it scares me, Bo…so much! But this morning I said… oh, I hurt him… I really hurt him, Bo… because I’m so afraid… and I would have said anything to stop him… to make that look go away.”
“What do you think it means, Marlena?”
“I don’t know… but sometimes… it’s like… he doesn’t even know that I’m there… like he’s… lost in this other.. place.. Oh, I don’t know… no it’s more like…there’s some… part of him I don’t know…”
Again, he nodded, “I think I know what you’re saying… there have been these moments, mostly when you were gone and he was feeling so angry and helpless that I’d look in his eyes and see something I didn’t recognize. I’d think… that’s not Roman…. I figured it was because he’d lost you… but maybe..”
“Maybe it’s something else… but what?” They sought answers, but there were none to be found at the moment.
She cried and Bo held her for a long while, before she finally composed herself and decided that she needed to find the man she loved, and talk to him.
After searching essentially the entire building she was about to give up, when she remembered something he told her once a long time ago. The roof… he’s up on the roof!’
She climbed the flight of stairs that led to the rooftop, but hesitated before opening the door, reconsidering her plans. Maybe she shouldn’t intrude on his privacy. Maybe she should wait for him to come back down to talk to him. ‘Or maybe you should just go ahead and reach out to him and work this problem out.’
Stepping through the doorway, her eyes landed on the back of the man she loved with all her heart. He was leaning over with his elbows resting on the ledge, staring out over the city. Marlena watched her husband for awhile before making shuffling noises with her feet, to alert him of her presence. Finally she spoke to him and watched the muscles of his back tense, as if preparing for a confrontation, “Roman…. can we… talk?”
He didn’t turn around and he didn’t say anything, but his shoulders moved, as if to say he wasn’t certain it would do any good at this point. She’d spoken the truth in anger and they were stuck with it now.
“Roman…. I’m sorry….. I didn’t….”
He suddenly whirled around to face her, obviously still smarting from their heated discussion earlier that morning, “You didn’t mean it… is that what you came here to say? Well, then save it because I don’t believe you, Doc!”
“Roman… I…. I was just…. so upset… so worried….”
“Right….I got that… you were upset with me… and you finally told me the truth. You resent the fact that I stopped looking for you… you kept saying that you understood how it happened, that you didn’t blame me for… letting go… and that you just wanted to focus on the present….”
“Oh, Roman… it was the fear talking… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”
“But it wasn’t true, was it? You said all that because you thought it was what I wanted to hear or maybe you were trying to convince yourself…” he said, looking away.
“I don’t know…. Oh, Roman… I don’t want to fight about this anymore… I don’t want to fight about anything… I love you… and you love me… After five long years…. we were given a miracle and we’re back together. Why isn’t that enough?”
He shook his head sadly. “I don’t know, Doc…you tell me.”
There was an awkward period of silence and she saw something in his eyes again that reminded her of her fears for him. “Something has changed, Roman… you’ve changed!”
“Maybe it was losing you…. having to find a way to live without you…. it made me harder, tougher… stronger..” he said with some measure of his own resentment.
‘And maybe you just learned to bury your feelings… to cover the pain, and hide in the anger.”
He always hated it when she played analyst with him. Glaring at her, he let her know he didn’t appreciate it this time either, “So that’s what you think? That I’m hiding behind the anger… oh, that’s spoken like a true psychiatrist…. first it was guilt and now it’s anger. What else does that brilliant medical mind tell you about me, Doctor!” he said in harsh sarcastic tones.
Now she was angry too, and she fired back, “Don’t you *dare* make fun of my profession, Roman Brady!”
He threw his hands up, exasperated with the whole situation, “Alright, you know what… I’m really getting tired of this… What the hell is this all about, Marlena?”
“I’m afraid…. I’m just so afraid…”
“Well, so am I, Doc! Can’t you understand that? I’m scared out of my mind for you… for the kids.. I just want to do whatever is in my power to protect you, that’s all.. And the first step is figuring out what happened to you. Where you were, who had you and why.”
Weeping she expressed her greatest fear, “What if something happens to you…. Roman, I couldn’t bear losing you… I couldn’t… take that…”
Whenever she cried it cut him to the core, but when he made her cry, it was even worse. “Oh baby… you’re not going to lose me… I promise… that’s what this is all about… I’m going to find a way to keep us safe… you, me, the twinners, Carrie… everybody. But I can’t do that until I know what happened to you during the five years you were missing.”
She nodded as tears began to form anew, but said nothing further and turned herself away from him. Roman sensed there was more she needed to share. He stepped up behind her, placing his hands cautiously upon her slender shoulders, hoping she wouldn’t pull away. She flinched and then relaxed when he spoke quietly, tenderly, “Marlena… is there something else….. something you’re not telling me about all of this?”
Silence and then more tears… Carefully, he turned her to face him, further softening his tone and his touch as he tipped her chin up so their eyes met. “Doc… hey, come on pretty lady…. look, I’m sorry I yelled at you… talk to me, Marlena… I love you.”
He was gradually melting her defenses. She wanted him to know, and most of all to understand. “It’s just….that I don’t… remember anything that happened… and there’s a part of me… that… doesn’t want to remember…. because I’m….Oh, Roman… the truth is….I’m afraid to find out.. I mean… it was five whole years….. what could have happened to me… for five years?” She started to shake and shiver from the fear of what might have transpired.
It was like he’d been hit over the head with a sledge hammer. How could he not have thought about it from her perspective? Wrapping his arms around her trembling body, he berated himself and apologized at the same time, “Oh, baby… Oh, God… I’m so sorry…. I can’t believe I’ve been so… bullheaded about this whole thing… Of course you’re scared…. Jeez, I’m such an insensitive idiot!”
It was such a relief to have told him the truth and she didn’t want him blaming himself for his response. Meeting his worried gaze, she touched his face and urged him not to beat himself up for it, “No…no, you’re not, Roman… you had every reason to react the way you did…. you were just trying to make sense of madness and take care of me at the same time…”
“Yea…. but I should have taken things slower, I should have thought about how *you* felt… what it was like for you. Oh, I’m so sorry Marlena!” There were tears in his eyes as he alternately stroked her hair and cupped her face in his gentle hands. They were tears of compassion for her suffering and it touched her so, that she started to cry again too.
“Oh, Roman… I just love you so…. hold me… please just hold me and never let me go.”
He held her closer still, saying, “Gladly…. because having you in my arms is the most wonderful, most incredible place I’ve ever been… and I want to stay there with you forever, my beautiful lady. I promise…. from now on…. we’ll take everything slow. I love you so much.”
Commander Roman Brady returned to the squad room with a trace of a lovesick smile on his face and his little brother couldn’t resist commenting as he entered. “So, I take it you and Marlena… worked things out?” Bo asked, rubbing a couple of fingers on the right side of his face, wordlessly indicating that Roman might want to do the same
Roman nodded as he wiped the remains of his wife’s lipstick off his cheek, smiling with a hint of embarrassment in response to the expression on his younger brother’s face as he walked past. “You could say that yea….”
“So she won the fight?”
Roman cracked a smile in response, “No… she didn’t.. win the fight… I just… “
“You just what, Bro… come on… I heard her side of it earlier…..”
He looked up from the file he’d glanced at, his surprise obvious, “You did?”
“Yep… even gave her some…advice… on how to deal with you…. must have worked, eh?” Bo teased lightheartedly.
“You’re a trip… alright… yea… she helped me to realize that I’ve been a little… I don’t know..”
This was fun… Roman on the run.. “Intense…. that the word you’re looking for Roman?”
How could he not smile; Bo knew him so well. Shaking his head, Roman replied quietly, hoping this one would put an end to the questioning as well as the good natured ribbing his brother was dishing out. “No, but it’ll do for now… so anyway, I told her I would take things slow…. move at her pace, give her a chance to readjust before I go chasing down leads about where she was all those years.”
“What happened to that stuff about following a lead when it’s still hot… and how you can’t let the bad guys think you’re afraid to come after them…Where’d that go all of a sudden?”
“I’m letting it go for now, Bo…. because Marlena needs me…. She’s scared, Bo…. she doesn’t want to remember what happened because she’s afraid of what she’ll find and I’m not gonna push her, not anymore.”
“Woah… you really have changed, Bro… I’m impressed,” Bo said honestly, sitting up straighter in his chair.
“Just what did you expect?” Roman said, slightly offended at the implication of Bo’s statement, which was that he would disregard her wishes to accomplish his own goals.
“I expected you to give her what she needs, with a little investigation going on the side, but you’re standing there telling me you’re really gonna hold off until she’s ready. Amazing.”
Roman couldn’t look his brother in the eye at that… “Roman?” he questioned, noticing the glance away.
“What… “
“You *are* going to keep investigating….aren’t you?” Bo said, not really asking a question as he watched his brother fidget with the stack of paperwork on his desk.
He shook his head, looking for a reason to leave the room, “No… really I’m not…”
“But someone else is?”
Now he was pissed at the intrusion, “Okay, okay… if you *must* know! I’m going to call Shane… and ask him to see what he can find out, yea… but I won’t be actively involved, Bo… I’m staying in Salem… with Marlena and the kids.”
Bo wasted no time in confronting Roman with his interpretation of the events, “So basically… you lied to her?”
That one made him angry and he stood up and faced off with his younger brother, denying the claim rather loudly, “No… I did *not* lie to her!” Then, realizing Bo was partially accurate, he softened his tone and continued, “I just… didn’t tell her everything, there’s a difference. But I’m telling you the truth, I’m staying on the fringes and I will not push her to try to remember anything. If something happens to come back to her that helps in the investigation, fine, but otherwise I’m going to keep my focus on her and the kids. I’ll do my job as a Commander for the Salem Police Department and that’s it.”
Bo relented, seeing in his brother’s eyes that it was the best he could do, as worried as he was for the safety of his children and the woman he loved. “I think I’ll have to see it to believe it, big brother, but I’m still proud of you. She was really upset about that…argument you had earlier, really shook her up. What exactly did she say to you anyway?”
“Never mind, Bo… let’s just say it took me by surprise…..and it stung a little.”
“Alright… I hope you know I’m only playing devil’s advocate because I care about both of you, Roman. I don’t want anything to happen to either of you. It’s pretty clear to me that you and Marlena belong together… and I just hope… that you don’t let this thing come between you.”
“That’s one promise I know I can keep. Nothing will ever come between us again, Bo… you can count on that!” Roman said with enthusiasm.
“Glad to hear it… Now, I better get back on the streets… I have this boss who…. “
“Get out of here, would ya? I’ve seen enough of your ugly mug around here lately..” he said, clapping the younger man on the back as he headed for the door.
“Well, if you’re going to get personal… I’m outta here, bro… “
He laughed. “Be careful out there, you little pisser….”
“Yea yea yea…. ” Bo said, tossing a laugh or two over his shoulder. God, it was good to have things getting back to normal. Not only did it feel terrific to have Marlena alive and well, but in many ways it felt like he had the old Roman Brady back too.. the older brother he loved to pick a fight with from time to time.
Roman watched him walk away shaking his head, pleased with how the day seemed to have turned itself around so quickly. Things were back on track with Marlena and he and his brother seemed to be falling back into a groove.
Life was good…. except for two things…
There was a mystery to be solved regarding Marlena’s five year absence, a mystery he’d just stepped away from trying to solve. And secondly, he had conceived a child out of wedlock with a woman, who at that time, he planned to marry. Chances were that Isabella was still considering an abortion as far as he knew, and Roman was compelled to talk it over with her again. Choosing between the investigation which was in its infancy, and the real life baby was no contest. It was his child, a child conceived in love with a woman for whom he still cared a great deal. He would not abandon her now, just because he had reclaimed his life with Marlena Evans. Roman Brady was a man of deep commitments and he had vowed to be supportive of Isabella during and after her pregnancy. Marlena said she understood, and even encouraged him to honor it. Therefore, since he’d spent the better part of the early morning with his wife, when the lunch hour came, Roman was going to check on his ex-fiance and their unborn baby.
Just in case, he picked up the phone to call her. There was no answer and the answering machine kicked in. “Iz… Isabella, I was thinking about you… and I was wondering if it would be okay if I stopped over around lunch time, say 12:30? Let me know… I’m at the Cop Shop, you know the number. Call me.”
She heard it ringing and purposely didn’t answer, wanting to record what he had to say to her. “So, you do care… it’s only been a little over 24 hours and you’re checking on me. I’d say that’s a very good sign, Roman…. now, how can I make the time count?” She busied herself with making the place look warm and inviting, strategically arranging the photographs she had of Roman and the twins.
Feeling like it was perfect, she made the call, connecting immediately to his personal line. “Brady here,” he answered.
“Hello, Roman… “
“Izzy… I’m glad you called. Is lunch going to work?”
“Sure… I’m home all morning, still fixing up the place. You’ll be the first to see the finished product.”
“Sounds great… I’m looking forward to it… I’ll bring the food, okay?”
“Oh, Roman… you don’t have to do that.. I can fix something…. really.”
Wanting to please her and show her she still mattered, he told her what he had planned, “I was going to stop at Ricardo’s… it’s still your favorite, isn’t it?”
She was touched. It was the cozy little Italian eatery where they’d spent many an evening planning their future. Obviously, those times still meant something to him as well. “Oh, Roman… yes… it’s still my favorite…” she said as tears filled her eyes.
“Great… then I’ll see you in an hour or so… “
“I can’t wait, Roman… thank you so much.”
Hoping she wasn’t reading too much into his gesture, he said, “No problem… I’ll see you soon Isabella.”
“Goodbye Roman.”
Lunch time rolled around more quickly than she would have guessed and she found herself scurrying to make herself look good. Roman, on the other hand was right on time. When he arrived, they dispensed with any formalities and sat right down to eat Salem’s best pasta.
When he’d waited as long as he possibly could, Roman confronted the issue weighing heavily on both their minds, “So, Isabella… have you made your final decision? Are you going to keep the baby?”
“Yes, I have, Roman…. I’ve decided to keep it. I realized since the other day that I could never take the life of our unborn child or deprive you of your role as the baby’s father. I’m sorry that I upset you so terribly. I was just so hurt… and so confused. Can you ever forgive me?”
Without thinking, he grabbed her and held on tight…his emotions getting the best of him in the rush of excitement about their child, “Oh, Izzy… I knew it, I just knew you wouldn’t be able to abort our baby…. Oh, Isabella, I’m SO happy… I…I….love you.”
He’d said it and there was no taking it back, the anxious moment creating a space of total honesty between them. Isabella threw her arms around him in return, crying out with joy in response to his admission, “Oh Roman… you *do* still love me, I knew it…. and this baby… it’s going to bring us even closer…just wait and see… I know it will!” she exclaimed, elated to have heard him reveal how he truly felt.
He winced and tried to explain his reaction to the news, “No, Izzy… I didn’t… that’s not what I….. meant.” She was rushing off to retrieve some baby related item and he stopped talking, cognizant that almost anything he said now could be misinterpreted in light of her inaccurate conclusion about his emotional outburst. ‘Oh, good one, Brady…. now what are you going to do? She thinks you’re going to come back to her!’
Bo Brady came bounding toward the precinct to tell his brother the good news about Isabella and the baby, in case he didn’t know, but stopped short when he saw Roman sitting in his Jeep, looking totally wiped out.
He knocked on the window to gain his brother’s attention. Roman startled and then glanced at him for less than a second before leaning his head back again. Bo walked around to the other side and climbed in, asking for an explanation, his concern evident, “What’s up big brother… you look like you just lost your best friend or something?”
“I did…. or at least I think I did…”
“What are you talking about, Roman… I thought things were okay with you and Marlena now.”
“They are…it’s Isabella…”
“What… what about her… she’s okay isn’t she… and the baby… what about the baby?”
He replied with little emotion, “She’s fine, the baby’s fine… she’s keeping it.”
Bo scrunched up his eyebrows as he frowned and said, “Okay, now I’m confused…. things are okay between you and Marlena and everything is fine with Isabella and the baby. So, what’s the problem, here?”
He heaved a heavy sigh and said, “It’s me, Bo… I screwed up….. I think I really screwed up this time.”
“What, Roman… come on… what happened?”
“Well… I went over to see Izzy B… for lunch… but first I went to Ricardo’s to get some of that linguini she likes so much..”
“Oh yea… she loves it… orders it every time we…” He stopped when he looked in Roman’s eyes. There was something going on; thinking back, it came to him. “That was your special place, wasn’t it? Where you spent so much time… talking about the future. She uh, she told me about it once.”
“Yea… well, that was where it started I guess… I don’t know… I must have gotten caught up in the memories.”
“So you went to take her some food for lunch, and…”
“And… we ate it… we talked….Oh, Bo…. I can’t believe I said it.”
“What, what did you say… spit it out, Roman!”
“I asked her if she’d made her decision about the baby and she said she was going to keep it. I was so excited.. so happy and I… I hugged her.. and that’s when it happened.”
“What!” Bo said in frustration.
His anxiety level increasing by the minute, Roman threaded his thick dark hair with his fingertips as he tried to explain, “Bo, I… told her I… loved her. I just.. blurted it out.. it just… it just… came out of my mouth. And then she… she… took it and ran with it, Bo.. she was SO happy.. started showing me all this stuff she’s got for the baby…making all kinds of plans…”
All his brother could say in response was a stunned and weary, “Oh, man…. “
His grimace told the story, “Yea…. I know… what a mess huh?”
“Roman, I’m sure it wasn’t easy but you… you set her straight though, right?” his brother probed, hoping the answer was yes, but fearing the worst.
He wasn’t saying anything. “Roman… wait a minute…. you didn’t, did you?
Roman shook his head as a tear or two trickled down his cheeks, but he didn’t reply.
“What you said to her… it was true… you do still love her, don’t you, Roman?”
It was agonizing to be so confused, his head was shaking no, but his words indicated the opposite, “I don’t know…yea… I guess…maybe..”
Feeling trapped, Roman climbed out of the vehicle and his brother followed, prepared mostly just to listen. ” Bo, I’ve been telling myself…. just to focus on Doc… and you’ll get through this.. but today…. finding out about the baby… talking about old times at Ricardo’s. I don’t know… it just.. reminded me of what we had… all the plans we made.”
Shutting his eyes, Bo worried about what was to follow this revelation, “Oh, man…. ” His brother was in anguish and it nearly killed him to hear and see the pain in his suddenly moist blue eyes, but he couldn’t help but think of Marlena too.
“Don’t you look at me like that Bo! Hell, it was only what…a *month* ago… when I thought that Doc was gone… For five YEARS.. I learned to live my life without her… and by some twist of fate I found love again… with Isabella. We had a life together… we were going to have more kids…. a house full of em. I can’t just… turn that off, Bo… like water running from a faucet… it doesn’t *work* that way!” Despite his best efforts to hold back the tears, they started to leak out around the edges.
Actually it had been more like six weeks but who was counting? Instinct told him his brother needed understanding, not condemnation, “Okay… okay… I’m sorry… I know it’s been really tough on you, Roman. So what are you.. going to do?”
“I don’t KNOW! I don’t…know.”
“Roman, you have to tell Marlena… you have to tell her exactly what happened today.”
That possibility was even more unsettling. What if she left him because of his inability to cut his emotional ties to Isabella? “No… I can’t.. I can’t…do that… she’s under enough stress as it is… trying to find her way back into the lives of the people she loves. I can’t upset her with this.”
“And what about you… what about how all this is affecting you? This is tearing you apart, Roman… I can see that much.”
Beginning to calm down, he wiped the moisture off his cheeks with the backs of his sleeves and spoke in a more controlled fashion, “I can.. handle it… I just have to… give myself time… to adjust to the changes, that’s all.”
“Roman, you think maybe you made your decision too soon? Are you having doubts about you and Marlena?”
Shaking his head, he answered without hesitation, “No… no… that’s not it, Bo. You know that I’ve loved her…. from practically the first moment I laid eyes on her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“But…
“But, God help me…. I still… have strong feelings for Izzy B, and knowing that she’s having my child… watching her in pain…because we’re not together… it’s *killing* me, Bo…”
“And you realized this today.”
“No…but what happened…it forced me to admit that I’ve been…. lying to myself, Bo… telling myself that it would get easier and easier to deal with… but I was wrong, it keeps getting harder.”
“Then you can’t keep this from Marlena… big brother, because if you do, sooner or later, she’s gonna be hurt too, and I know you don’t want that to happen.”
“No.. I don’t want that… but I don’t know how to tell her without her feeling insecure about the baby. Oh, everything’s such a mess, Bo…” he said absently running his fingers through his hair again.
“Roman… I’m sorry I was so hard on you before…. I know this is really tough….it’s not your fault, either. Of course you still have feelings for Isabella. I think Marlena would understand that… in fact, I know she would. “
His eyes brightened slightly at the thought, “You really think so…. or are you just… trying to make me feel better about it ?”
“Roman, she loves you…. and she knows this isn’t easy for you… tell her how you’re feeling, tell her before she finds out from someone else.”
His brother nodded and said, “Thanks little brother… I think I’ll uh.. head on over to the pier for awhile… you know…. to clear my head. I’ll think about what you said.”
Patting Roman lightly on the back, Bo let him know there was an open invitation, “Okay, bro… don’t forget… any time you need to talk, I’ll listen.”
“Thanks, it means a lot, Bo… really.” His younger brother smiled warmly and turned to head into the precinct.
* * *
It was one of those gray afternoons, the fog rolling in as predicted. Immersed in thought, he didn’t hear the shuffling of feet. However, he heard the voice of his wife call out his name, “Roman…. “
“Doc, oh… uh… hi, didn’t expect to see you this afternoon,” he said nervously, not quite looking up at her.
‘Obviously not,’ she thought, frustrated and angry at being kept in the dark. “Roman, I just ran into Isabella a little while ago. It was the strangest thing. She was talking about the baby… and all her plans for the future. Roman, she looked like she was floating on cloud nine. You wouldn’t happen to know why, would you?”
He winced and let out a heavy sigh but said nothing.
“Roman, I asked you a question. From the look on your face I’d say you know the answer. Why don’t you tell me? We have to deal with it sooner or later.”
“Yea… you’re right… it’s uh… probably because of me…. because of something I said.”
“And what would that be, Roman?”
“Oh, Doc…. I’m really sorry… I messed up… It just… slipped out…”
Her brow furrowed in confusion, “Would you mind backing up for me… I’m a little lost here.”
Blowing out a long breath, he gestured for her to sit down next to him and launched into his explanation, “Alright… I was at the station…. and I got to thinking about the baby and wondering if she’d made any decisions. So I called her… and then I went to see her around lunch time.”
“And…”
His voice dropped a decibel as he began telling the real story, “And I took her some food from this little Italian place we used to go….”
That was all he had to say… the scene unfolding in her mind’s eye. “Roman… what did you say to her?” Marlena demanded.
“I asked her about the baby… and she said she was going to have it after all. I was excited, Doc… so I… hugged her and I… I blurted out that I…. loved her.”
Her heart sank, “Oh, Roman….. “
“I’m so sorry… it just…. happened….”
“Roman… I thought you said that you could handle this… that you’d made your decision and your feelings for her were in the past.”
“They were… or at least I thought they were…”
“But the fact that she’s having a child, your child… it’s stirring them up? It reminds you of all the plans you made for the future..”
“I guess so, yes… I don’t know, Marlena. I thought that once I made my decision, it would get easier and easier. ..but it all happened so fast you know… we were engaged and then you came back and it was just… over.”
“Alright, so it hasn’t gotten easier. Now what are you going to do? Be honest with me, are you thinking about going back to her, Roman?”
“No… no, Marlena…. that’s not what I want… I just…”
She turned toward him, staring into his eyes to discern his true sentiments, “Then what DO you want, Roman… because you can’t have both of us!”
“I know that! Marlena… all I’m saying here is that… this is tough…. and I’m doing the best I can to adjust… but it doesn’t always go smoothly… and I’m sorry…. I was sitting out here thinking of how to tell you about what happened.”
Seeing the anguish in his face, she softened a little, “Honey… I know this is difficult… but you can’t possibly think that it’s okay for her to go around believing things are going to change because of this baby…. that you’re going to come back to her. That’s cruel, Roman… and you’re not cruel… so please explain to me why you didn’t tell her the truth?”
“I tried, Marlena.. but she just.. got so… excited… started telling me about the nursery, showing me the clothes and toys she’s bought, the stroller, a car seat.. and I… didn’t know what to do.. I didn’t want to… take that.. joy from her.. and I thought that if I told her just then.. she might be so hurt…. that she would run right out and have an abortion.”
She was quiet, mulling it over in her mind. Shaking her head, Marlena negated his claim, “Huh uh… I think there’s more to it than that, Roman…and you just won’t admit it to yourself……”
“What… “
It hurt to confront it, but believing they had to face this situation head on, she calmly and rationally uttered her worst fear, even as she started to cry, “I think you’re having doubts about your decision… I think the real reason you couldn’t tell her was because… you’re not sure in your own mind, or your.. heart.”
“No, Marlena… that’s not true, I swear it…. I love you… and I want to be your husband for the rest of my life.” As part of his plea, Roman tried to take her in his arms, but she shrugged out of his grasp.
She stood up, tired of talking about the other woman, “Alright, then go to her, Roman… set her straight. When you’ve done that, I’ll believe what you’re saying.”
Roman joined her and faced off, “What is this, some kind of ultimatum? I go over there right now and shatter her dream world or it’s over between us?
‘You said it, I didn’t.”
“That’s what you want though… isn’t it? Right now, before dinner… before I come home to you… you want me to do the deed….”
“Yes…”
“So you don’t care how she feels? You don’t have any sympathy for her situation?”
Laboring to maintain control of her highly charged emotions, Marlena pushed out a breath and said, “I do care, Roman…I’m sorry for what she’s going through, I truly am. But, the fact is… you are MY husband. I was gone but then I came back. You fell in love with me a long time before you ever met her, and we’re still married. I’m sorry for how it played out for Isabella, but she doesn’t have any rights where you’re concerned.”
“Woah, Marlena… I’ve never heard you talk like this before…. are you…jealous of her?”
He approached her, torn between compassion and frustration. She shook her head, but said nothing, as the tears welled up yet again. “You are, aren’t you? You kept saying you understood…. that you didn’t blame me for starting over…or her for being with me.”
“Alright… if you must know.. yes, I’m jealous…. and while we’re at it… I’m angry and resentful too. I’m jealous about the baby and I’m jealous of the time she had with you, time that was stolen from me, Roman! It wasn’t my fault that I wasn’t here. Someone took five years of my life, five years of being with my children and the man that I love… and I’m sorry but I’m unwilling to give up any more of it. Not even for a woman you loved when you thought I was dead. I’m sorry, but I’m just not that…selfless.”
“Oh, Doc… I’m so sorry… I should have…”
“Roman… stop it… that discussion is pointless… there was nothing you could have done. But there *is* something you can do now… you can commit to me, totally and unconditionally.”
It was all so confusing. His own emotions were starting to get the best of him and he expressed his frustration, his voice shaking, “Marlena… I don’t know how to do that… and still be there for her and the baby. You said you didn’t want me to abandon them…that you… understood why I would still…. feel connected… I don’t know what you want from me….”
Gesturing with her hands, Marlena tried to make him understand her perspective, “Roman, of course I don’t want you to abandon them… but you have to be absolutely sure in your mind what the relationship is going to be and then make that very clear to Isabella. If you give her mixed messages, she’s going to construct this whole fantasy about you coming back to her…and the three of you living together, as a family.”
The stress was sometimes more than he thought he could bear… the internal tension overwhelming. It was in his quavering voice as he responded to her assertion, “I know that…and I didn’t mean… to give her mixed messages, Doc… It’s just… I’ve never faced anything like this before… and I didn’t…. Oh, I’m just so… tired of hurting people…” he said, a few unexpected tears escaping from his moist blue eyes.
She nodded and cupped his face between her hands, as he had done so many times for her, “Oh, Roman… listen to me… I’m sorry that I got so upset.. I know that it’s been very difficult for you… “
Taking her hands in his, he expanded on her beginning, “And for you… and Izzy… I’m trying, Doc… I’m trying so… hard to do what’s right… for everybody… and I’m sorry….I’m so sorry… if I’ve caused you more pain….”
She was weeping openly, feeling bad for all of them, for the painful dilemma that had been thrust upon them. “It’s okay, Roman… really…. we’ll get through it… we just have to keep talking.. just like this… openly and honestly… and we’ll get through it… all of us.”
First he wiped away her tears with the pads of his thumbs which made her smile and she flicked the outstretched fingertips of her left hand at a straggling droplet or two on his right cheek. Roman nodded, gave her a weak smile and said, “Okay…you’re right… and I’ll talk to her, Marlena… just let me get my head together… and I’ll go over there tonight.”
Still sniffling from the tears, she told him she knew he needed a break, “No…. it’s alright…honey, it can wait… you’ve been through enough turmoil for one day and I think I know just what you need….what we both need.”
He sighed, feeling exhausted as it all seemed to be catching up to him, “Yea… well, I’m sure glad somebody does…”
An idea was gelling in her mind, and she winked and flashed him a heart warming smile, “Give me an hour or so and then come home…. okay?”
“Sure…. I’ll be there.. I love you so much, pretty lady…” he said, taking her in his arms for a long embrace. Both of them sighed with relief, and contentment, and desire all rolled into one.
“And I love you, handsome… ” He smiled adorably and she remembered what it was like at the beginning, their second beginning. It made her swoon, that slight tint of pink in his rugged cheeks, a hint of shyness in his slightly hidden blue eyes.
He watched her walking away, heading toward the old wooden staircase. She was amazing, absolutely amazing. Here he’d just confessed to her that earlier in the day he had blurted out his lingering feelings of love for the ‘other woman,’ and she was going home to do something special for him, to make *him* feel better. It brought tears to his eyes, and Roman Brady knew in that moment that he was the luckiest man on the planet to have ever found her, to have been loved by her, and then by some miracle to have been given another chance to share his life with her. Marlena Evans was a gift from his Lord above, a gift he treasured above all else, and it was time he showed her as much.
‘One hour… she said come home in an hour…. what can I do?’ Staring out over the water, admiring the way the early evening sun sparkled on the crests of the gentle waves, it suddenly came to him. “Thanks, God… thank you SO much!” he said as he peered into the heavens, just before bolting for the stairs.
* * *
Marlena entered the house to find Hope Williams-Brady entertaining the twins. They were all wearing broad smiles, a sight that reminded her how lucky she was to have been given another chance at life in Salem with all the people she loved. “Well, hello… what’s going on around here?” she said as they jumped to their feet to greet her.
“Hi Mom… Aunt Hope was at the Fish Market and she brought us home to play… cause it was starting to get real busy.”
“I hope that’s alright, Marlena… ” Hope said rising from the couch, feeling a little uncertain of their relationship since Marlena’s return. So much was happening so fast, that there hadn’t been a lot of time for chatting.
Seeing the younger woman’s slight uneasiness, Marlena assured her with a warm accepting smile, “Of course it is Hope… besides it gives me a chance to see this little guy again…” she added, looking down at the dark haired toddler she’d mostly seen in pictures thus far. “Gosh… I can’t believe you had Shawn D.. and he’s gotten so big… while I was gone… I’ve missed… so much…” she said sadly, glancing over at her beautiful blond headed twins, who were almost seven years old now. The little boy with brown hair and warm eyes, who looked so much like both parents, shied away but seemed to enjoy the attention she bestowed on him.
Hope tried to redirect her friend’s focus a bit by saying, “Hey… I know…. but you’re here now.. and you can watch all of them grow…. “
“Yes… yes I can….” she said, seemingly distracted as she took a seat.
“Marlena… is there something else on your mind right now?” Hope said, joining her.
“Yes…. there is Hope… but I’d rather not…”
Hope reached out to take her friend’s hand, hoping there weren’t any new problems in the relationship. She knew there had been tension since Isabella’s pregnancy was revealed. “Marlena… I don’t mean to intrude…. but I think there’s something you should know.”
That got her attention, “Oh, and what’s that?” Marlena asked turning to face Hope, more than curious, almost praying that it wasn’t something negative. She didn’t think she could handle more bad news at this point.
“Well, we really haven’t had much time to get together since you came back… but I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you… about Roman… that is… if you’re up to it.”
Her head shaking slightly, her mind going back to the conversation with him earlier. If this were more of the same, but no, she didn’t want to talk about it with someone outside the marriage. “Oh, I don’t know… Hope… Roman and I… we have to work all this out.. on our own, if you don’t mind.”
Guessing at what motivated that statement, the dark haired younger woman smiled warmly, putting a hand on her friend’s leg for a moment. “Oh, I don’t mean to say that I’m going to give you some advice, Marlena… I just have something I’d like to share with you… “
Marlena nodded and then said to her children, “Sami, Eric… could please take Shawn D upstairs with you and play in the bedroom for a little while, so that your Aunt Hope and I can talk?”
Sami grinned, happy to be considered responsible enough to watch her younger cousin, “Sure, Mom….. we’ll see you in a little bit then..”
To which Eric added a cheerful, “I’m really glad you’re home, Mom.”
“Me too… ” She smiled in subdued fashion but they didn’t notice and quickly scampered up the stairs, Shawn D doing well to keep up with them.
After watching them go, feeling out of sorts about missing those special years when they went from being toddlers to school age, she let out a tired sigh before turning her attention to her adult companion. “Alright then, Hope… what is it you wanted to tell me about Roman?” she asked, wishing it to be something that would make her feel significantly better than she did at the moment.
Hope hesitated for only a second or two before answering, “Well, I know that this whole situation with Isabella and the pregnancy is really upsetting and it’s hard on everyone, but… I really believe that it’s going to work itself out.”
It was nice to hear someone else say it, but she wasn’t going to be a Pollyanna about it. “How? Just how do you know that, Hope?”
“Because…. I saw some of what he went through… when he thought you died, Marlena. He was lost….he was *so* lost without you…. the sparkle was gone from his eyes….yes, he went back to work… and he dated again, even became serious about a few women… but for so long, he was just.. going through the motions… “
Marlena found tears forming in her eyes as she listened to Hope explain his grief reaction. She knew it must have been very hard on Roman and they’d spoken of it briefly, but somehow hearing an observer talk about made it hit home for her. How agonizing it must have been for him to try to go on without her, how difficult it would have been… raising the kids by himself, when the twins were not much older than babies, and he’d only recently reconnected with Carrie.
She snapped back to attention when she heard the name of the current obstacle to regaining the life that was meant to be…
“And then he met Isabella… and he began to come back…. little by little he was more like the Roman Brady that I remembered. I thought… wow… he’s going to be okay now… and I was so happy for him.”
She tried to stop the woman before she stuck her foot completely into her mouth….. Touching her hand, Marlena said firmly, “Hope, if you’re trying to help here…”
“Marlena… wait, please let me finish…..”
She nodded and let out an exasperated sigh. “Alright… go ahead… tell me the rest of it.”
Hope was smiling at what she believed would be the end result of this conversation. “As I said, I *thought* Roman was coming back to us… and he was…to some degree. But I realized just how far off I was when you returned.”
It took Marlena completely by surprise. Suddenly, Hope was speaking with great passion, as if her conclusions were becoming more solid in her mind with the voicing of them.. ” Marlena…what I’m trying to say is…. *now* he’s back with us… Since that night on the pier when he found you… he has changed *so* much…. his eyes are brighter…. he even stands taller, and he has that….sweet, lovesick grin on his face again.” She took a deep breath and then let it out to say, “Marlena, he may be struggling right now, hurting because of having to break it off with Isabella, torn because of the baby…. But he *loves* you like no one and nothing else on this earth, Marlena…and *you* brought him back to life again.”
She was weeping and hadn’t even noticed. “Oh, Hope… you really believe that…. don’t you?”
“No…. I *know* that, Marlena… I know it in my heart. And Roman knows it too… it’s just going to take him a little while to adjust to all the changes Marlena… that’s all it is… *never* doubt how much he loves you.”
She was crying steadily now, the joyful tears streaming down her face as her eyes scanned the living room of their home. All of their pictures were out again, on the mantle, and on the tables. She hadn’t noticed that earlier, it was another sign that what her friend was saying was true. “Okay…. I won’t…. I won’t doubt it and I’ll give him the time he needs… I promise.”
Again, the younger dark haired beauty smiled and got to her feet again, “Good… then let me take the kids off your hands for the night… “
“Funny you should mention that because I was just trying to figure out something special for Roman and I.. “
“Great minds think alike….. just let me gather them up and we’ll all go back to the boat.”
“Thank you so much, Hope…. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re very welcome. I love you, Marlena… and I’m SO glad you’re back… for Roman…the kids, for all of us.” She leaned in to give the woman a lingering bear hug, feeling grateful and thinking what a miracle it was.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks as they disengaged, “Me too…. oh me too, Hope.. I’m so glad to be back home… with Roman and the children… and all of the people I love… Thank you.. thank you so much for telling all of that.. It helped me so much!”
Hope was shaking her head this time…”No, you don’t need to thank me for anything… you just love him… and enjoy your life with him…. that will make us all very happy…”
She nodded as she wiped away the moisture…. “I will, Hope… you know I will.”
Fifteen minutes later, Marlena was alone and fixing up the table for dinner, having ordered a meal from one of their old favorite places. She got out the fine china, the silver, and the stemware…. She sighed with a feeling of peace and contentment when she found the goblets right where she guessed they would be… if he’d kept them, that is….. “Oh Roman… honey…. of course you kept them. How could I have ever doubted that?” The sharing of some special, magical memories, and a celebration of their love, that’s what this night would be all about.
* * *
It wasn’t long after she finished with her preparations, including a shower and change of clothes, that she was looking at her watch and wondering where he could possibly be. It had been an hour and a half, going on two. Dinner would arrive fairly soon….
Panic beckoned….. What if he’d gone to see Isabella after all? What if he… ‘Oh, Roman… I thought that….’ She went over to the table she had set and was about to blow out the candles when she heard the front door opening.
She whirled around to face him, “Roman!”
“Hello pretty lady…. I’m really sorry I’m late…but it took me longer than I thought.”
“What took you longer….. ” she said, searching his blue eyes for a clue to his previous whereabouts, to his meaning.
He smiled at her and gave her a sexy wink, not revealing anything but his love for her, “Oh… a surprise….. for later…. but first there is something I just *have* to do… cause it’s been way too long…”
Without a warning, he was at her side and taking her in his arms, kissing her with unvoiced passion, his tongue setting her on fire inside…. When it was over, she was beaming and breathless. He wasn’t re-thinking things, he was trying to find a way to please her. “Oh… Roman… what was that for?” she asked when the power of speech returned.
He drew back, still holding her but wanting to gaze into those dazzling hazel eyes he found so captivating, “Oh, for being the most incredible, amazing, and breathtakingly beautiful woman God EVER created, for loving me, for just… being who you are… I love you so much, Doc…. I pray I haven’t done anything to make you doubt that….”
Still catching her breath, she smiled and flashed dreamy eyes at him, “Whew… if I had any doubts….. you just put them to rest…. with that kiss… and those… sweet words.. I love you so… I just love you SO…”
For the longest time, he merely stood there in the middle of their living room and held her, relishing in the feel of it, the softness of her skin against his, the warmth and comfort of being next to her, the welcome tickling sensation of her breath upon his neck.”Okay…now, lady…. there’s something I want to give to you… “
Her entire face lit up with a dazzling smile, ” A gift… you were buying me a gift?”
“Yes… and you deserve so much more…. but… I’m living on a cop’s salary,” he said, in that way he sometimes had of discounting himself and the life he could provide for her.
Shaking her head, she admonished him lightly, while taking his left hand in her right, bringing to her mouth for a kiss. “Don’t you say that…. you have given me so much more than money can ever buy, Roman Brady… by just… loving me the way that you do…”
This woman had such a way about her, a way of filling him up inside and he wanted to give her the world. “I hope you know… I’d bring down the sun, the moon, and the stars to give to you if I could…” he said, running his fingers through the golden silky hair he loved so much, staring at her with unabashed adoration.
She reached out to caress his face, love shining through her tender touch, “I know you would… but I don’t need them.. I have you… and our children… “
He stared out of misty blue eyes to say with moving sincerity, “Yes you do… you have me…. for the rest of our lives… I don’t want you to ever doubt that again… and I have something here that’ll remind you, in case you forget it for a second or two here and there.”
“Oh….”
He reached inside the right hand pocket of his brown leather jacket and pulled out a tiny black velvet box…..
She gasped, “Oh, Roman… oh, honey…what did you do?”
“Hey… you haven’t even seen it yet and already you’re oohing and ahhing… guess that’s a good sign, huh?” he said, with the boyish grin she so adored.
All the same, she punched him on the arm and snatched it away from him. When she did open it, she was stunned speechless. It was an Anniversary ring, five one quarter carat channel cut diamonds set in a beautiful gold band that matched her wedding ring. When she was finally able to do so, she said, through a flood of elated tears, “Oh Roman… it’s beautiful… I just… oh, this is so… wonderful. Oh my….. how I *love* you, Roman Brady…”
Carefully, he removed the ring from the box and placed it on her slender finger next to the single band of gold. “I was hoping you would like it…. there’s a stone there for each of the years you were gone… for each of the years we’ve been married. I wanted us to celebrate that tonight, Marlena… and I wanted to let you know…. how blessed I feel to have you… back… in my life. I missed you… for each one of those years… I missed you so badly.”
He paused for a moment, letting that sentiment sink in. Then gazing into liquid pools of amber he took her hands in the strength of his and said the rest of what was in his heart, his voice almost a whisper yet filled with passion. “And I want you to know something, Doc….when you were gone, I might have moved on.. tried to find a new life… a new love, but there is no one and nothing on this planet that can hold a candle to what I feel for you…. what I will *always* feel for you. I love you… to the very depths of my soul, pretty lady… and my heart, mind, body, and soul… are yours… forever.”
Bursting with joy, she cried, “Oh Roman… dear God, how I love you… Thank you… thank you so much. I will wear this ring so proudly, to show the world that I am Mrs. Roman Brady… now and forevermore.”
“You mean I don’t have to call you Doctor Evans anymore?”
The laughter was instantaneous, “Oh you… you just can’t be serious for too long can you?”
He was so happy he couldn’t describe the feeling if she asked him to… so all he said was, “Yes I can… I just love to see you smile, Doc….and to hear you laugh again…. I really *love* to hear you laugh!” he exclaimed with glee as a tear of joy leaked out and down his right cheek. Then he pulled her into another passionate embrace, anticipating the ecstasy he had only found with this stunningly gorgeous creature.
“Well, you will, honey… every day for the rest of your life, you will see me smile and hear me laugh, because I have you…. and that makes me very very happy, my love…” With that, she kissed him, her hands moving to divest him of his jacket. Glancing at her watch, she said, “Honey… dinner won’t be here for another half an hour… do you have any idea of what we might do to pass the time?”
His breathing was already ragged with the need to be close to her, “Oh yea…..I have one very *big* idea, Doc…..”
He pressed her to him, while simultaneously moving them backwards toward the couch, and she felt his response to her ministrations, “Oh my… yes you do, my love… yes you do….”
Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground….
She heard him get up, but didn’t turn toward him or make a sound to let him know she was even awake. Marlena didn’t want him to know she knew he was leaving. It was difficult enough for him to make the decision to go and destroy a young woman’s dream. He certainly didn’t need her to make it harder by wishing him good luck.
I wake up lonely, is there a silence
In the bedroom and all around
She sensed him standing there, looking down at her while she slept, he thought. Roman moved in and sat on the edge of the bed, staring she guessed, and she so wanted to turn over and see the expression of love in his penetrating blue eyes. Or was it mostly sorrow he was feeling now, sorrow for what he was about to do? She ached to know what he was thinking, and then he answered her, first with his touch, the fingertips of his right hand gently reaching up to brush aside a lock of hair that lay upon her cheek. He was so tender with her, so gentle.
Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away…
Lying as still as she could, Marlena suppressed the shivering sensation of his hands upon her skin, and his warm breath on her neck as he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. Just before he rose, he whispered in her ears, “I love you, Marlena, with all of my heart and all of my soul. I’m leaving for a little while, but I’ll be back. And when this is finished, you’ll have all of my mind too, and you deserve it pretty lady, you deserve to have all of me, everything I am and everything I have.”
It must have been love, but it’s over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it’s over now……
Somehow on the drive over he’d been able to avoid thinking too much more about what he was going to do, that accomplished by listening to rock music on one of his favorite local radio stations.
However, the distraction was gone as soon as he got out of his Jeep after pulling up in the Riverview complex parking lot, the smell of the river and the wind in his face waking him up somehow. A feeling of absolute dread washed over him as he slowly approached the building in which his former fiancé now lived.
It’s where the water flows, it’s where the wind blows……
‘How could he do it, break her heart again?’ he was asking himself as he climbed the stairs to her front door. She was so excited about the baby, thinking that his feelings had begun to change, or more accurate to her perception, that his *true* feelings were revealed the day she told him she planned to keep their child. Ever since then, Roman knew that Isabella had been dreaming of getting back together with the man she still loved. Unfortunately, he was about to shatter that sweet reunion fantasy. ‘Oh, Izzy B, I hate to do this, I really do, but it’s the only way, you have to know the truth.’
Reluctant to hurt her, but determined to what had to be done, Roman reached out and rang the bell to her condominium. She answered with a broad smile on her face. She was happy, truly happy and he was about to steal that joy from her. It seemed so cruel and he thought about making some excuse, then turning around and leaving.
Make believing we’re together
That I’m sheltered by your heart…….
Marlena’s words returned to him then, “Letting her go on living a fantasy, believing you’re going to get back together with her is cruel, and you’re not cruel, Roman.”
Her greeting was enthusiastic, “Oh, Roman.. I’m SO glad you’re here! Come on in! I’ve been working hard around here, getting the place ready for us.”
Roman winced internally and knew in an instant that he couldn’t leave. He owed her the truth. ‘Doc’s right, it’s even more cruel to have her living a lie, only to have it shattered later on when the baby comes. No, I *have* to do this, it’s the best thing for everybody.’ Maybe if he kept repeating it, he’d actually believe it by the time she started crying over losing him.
“Uh, hi Isabella, how are you doing?” he asked, rather awkwardly.
Totally missing his hesitance to enter and his contrasting lack of excitement, she began to tell him, “Great, I’m doing just great, Roman, come on in. See what I’ve done to the nursery! It’s going to be perfect, boy or girl,” she said, patting her belly. “Do you want to know the sex, because I sort of do, but if you don’t that’s okay too, I can wait. I want to do whatever you want to do, Roman because we’re in this together now and I, well you know……”
Take a deep breath, he put a hand on her forearm, stopping her progress toward the nursery, and her monologue at the same time. “Isabella, wait a minute, we need to talk about something first.”
“Oh, well, okay sure. What is it, Roman?” she asked pleasantly. Isabella then turned to look at him. When she saw his face, she knew his tone was significant and that it wasn’t good news he intended to impart.
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm
“Let’s sit down.” He gestured toward the floral patterned couch to his right.
“Alright,” she said, tightly, doing as he requested.
Suddenly, the air seemed dry, or was it his throat? He started in, feeling guiltier with each word that left his lips, “Isabella, about the other day… when you…”
“When *you* said you loved me, you mean?” she interrupted, with emphasis on his part in the moment to which he was referring. If he was going to hurt her, she wanted to make it difficult for him.
He winced again, visibly this time. She knew where he was going. “Uh, yea… that day.” He didn’t look at her.
“Oh, you’ve come to take it all back, have you? To let me down easy, hey Roman?”
“I’m so sorry, Izzy B, I really am. I got caught up in the excitement and I just.. said it.”
“So, now you’re going to tell me it was all a mistake, is that it? You don’t…love me. You never loved me?”
And it’s a hard winter’s day I dream away…
It must have been love, but it’s over now
“No, now you know that’s not true! I *did* love you, and I wanted to marry you, Isabella. You know that!”
She stood up and shouted at him, her jealousy flaring out of control, “But not when your *beloved* Marlena Evans, Salem’s best candidate for Sainthood, came back! One look at HER and I was ancient history!”
It was all that I wanted, now I’m living without
It must have been love, but it’s over now
He matched her in position and decibel level, staring her down, “For God’s sake, Isabella, she’s my WIFE! I thought she was dead, but she wasn’t and she came back. Speaking of saints and the church, tell me, just what would you have me DO!”
“Leave her dead and buried.”
That was it, he wasn’t taking that from her. Roman shook his head in disgust. This woman bore no resemblance to the one fell he’d fallen in love with and once wanted to marry. Isabella knew how deeply he had loved Marlena. And if she truly loved him as she claimed, she would try to understand, try to let him go in peace. He headed for the door without saying anything else.
From the moment we touched
Till the time had run out
She watched him for a moment, debating with herself as the tears formed behind her eyes, then finally said the words he needed to hear. “I’m sorry, Roman, that was completely uncalled for and I don’t mean it. I’m just so… angry, and frustrated. We had a LIFE together, Roman, and her return ruined that. It’s not her fault, and I don’t hate her, I really don’t, but I can’t stand here and tell you that I’m happy for the two of you. I have a baby to think about here. I’m going to raise that baby on my own, when a short while ago, I dreamed of the time we’d share a child, we’d cherish him and raise him together in love, with Sami and Eric and Carrie.”
It must have been love, but it’s over now…
Her composure broke when she thought of all they would be missing, “We were.. going to be a *family,* Roman…I’m trying, but it’s so very… hard to… let go of that dream.” She was nearly sobbing by the time she finished.
God, how he hated this, hurting people he cared about. “Oh, Izzy B, I know it… and I’m so sorry. It’s been hard for me too, and I do still…care for you, love you in a way. But that doesn’t mean we’ll be getting back together. I love Marlena, she’s my wife, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with her.”
She said nothing, only turned away from him to hide a fresh round of tears. He saw them anyway, it was fairly obvious from the trembling of her body. Placing his hands on her shoulders, cautiously turning her to face him, he spoke softly, “I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for us, Izzy. But I won’t abandon you. I’m going to be there for you, through the pregnancy, childbirth, everything. And when he’s born, we’ll raise him, or her, together. I want to be a real father to our child, and you and I will always share a very… special friendship.”
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow….
“I know that but it’s so difficult to accept the way the relationship has changed. I was going to be Mrs. Roman Brady in a few months. Now, it’s just me and junior here…” she said, sniffling once and rubbing her tummy again.
It must have been love, but it’s over now…….
Roman took her in his arms and held her while she cried. “I’m so sorry, Izzy B, God I’m so sorry.” She melted into his loving embrace, cognizant that no matter what she did from here on out, this was one of that last times he would hold her in such tenderness. His arms were meant for another woman now, the woman who had always held his heart.
It’s where the water flows, it’s where the wind blows….
* * *
It was hell waiting for some news. Not that he was one to worry obsessively, but running into Brady and his family might have thrown a wrench into the grand plans of the criminal mastermind who ran the show. And THAT was a potentially serious problem.
“Well, what did you find out?” Nathan Caine, MD was asking the man on the other end of the telephone line, the one who had gone to Salem to observe Commander Roman Brady. He was their employer’s right hand man, Bart Comisarski, who possessed a confounding mixture of personality traits, most of them quirky. But when it was time for business, he handled himself well.
“It’s just like we thought, he broke off his engagement to Isabella Toscano. Apparently, he’s still very much in love with his wife and he’s focused mainly on making her feel welcomed home. “
It must have been love, but it’s over now……
“How touching,” Nathan said in a voice that dripped with sarcasm. “What about his nosing around to find out about where she was for five years? I can’t believe Roman Brady would just… let that go.”
“Yea, I know. By all reports it’s completely out of character for the man, but he seems to have… well, abandoned his quest for answers.”
“Maybe it’s a ploy, to make us *think* he’s not focused on that. What about his cop friends, family–Bo Brady, and my old chum Shane Donovan, what have they been up to?”
It didn’t matter that the man on the other end couldn’t see him, shaking his head was automatic. “Nope, so far I’ve got no action except a few phone calls trying to nail down where the flight she arrived on originated. They got nowhere and quit. It’s like he decided to forget about where she was and concentrate on enjoying the fact that she’s come back to him. The man always was way in deep, head over heels with this woman. She’s a real looker.. who wouldn’t be?”
“Yes, she is that… and so much more,” Caine said, lost in a daydream, and not realizing he’d spoken the last few words out loud.
It must have been love but it’s over now…..
“My, my my… after all this time, you still have the hots for her, don’t you, Nate?”
He suddenly remembered what it was he didn’t like about the man he’d been paired with recently. “Don’t call me Nate… it’s Nathan you Neanderthal!”
Bart laughed hard at that one, but essentially ignored the jibe. “So, I’m right then, you’re still ticked off that he didn’t let you keep her.”
“I didn’t say that.” Damn him anyway!
“You didn’t have to.”
“Look, just keep me posted, alright? I’ve got patients to see.”
“Of course Nathan… you take good care of all those snot nosed little kiddies and I’ll handle the dangerous side of things.”
“You know, Bart, you’re an irritating little shit sometimes.”
“Yea, but it’s all part of my charm.” The man’s only reply was the sound of the line going dead. “At least I thought so… Hmmm, wonder if the boss man knows old Nate still wants the lady shrink.”
The dark angry nightmares returned unexpectedly…
The ones that woke him out of deep sleep in a cold sweat, his head throbbing unmercifully, his breathing shallow and rapid, his heart beating so hard and fast that he thought it might explode out of his chest. Roman thought they would have disappeared forever, especially now that he was reunited with the love of his life after years of agonizing loneliness.
In some ways it was like that time when he had no memory at all, no knowledge of his identity or his past. They weren’t very clear–the dreams. Nothing substantive that he could hold onto when they released him from their fierce grasp, just vague shadowy images. Scattered partial glimpses of a man who looked like a colder harder version of himself. Sometimes, he was dressed in military garb: running hard, training to exhaustion, engaging in brutal hand to hand combat, and firing high powered weapons at unseen targets.
A soldier, but in what army?
Rather than mere uncertainty, this time he sensed danger lurking about in those shadows. Even when fully awake and alert, having no clear recollection of the nightmare, there was a feeling of foreboding which lingered, and it left him wondering what dark secrets still lay buried deep within his subconscious memory, secrets he feared might surface at a most inopportune moment.
Why would they return now, at the time when she had finally come back to him after five long years away? It made him angry and frustrated not to be able to fill in the gaps that still remained. Roman knew he needed to talk about what was happening, but he couldn’t let Marlena know what was going on. She had enough of her own troubles to deal with at the moment, such as trying to reclaim her family and resume her career, not to mention piecing together those missing years of her life. She didn’t need to be worrying about him.
Quietly getting out of bed in the middle of the night for the third time in a week, Roman ran it through in his mind again, as he threaded his sweaty hair with his fingers. Was something triggered by her return, or was it a coincidence? And who was involved in her disappearance and sudden resurfacing? Orpheus was dead, Roman had seen to that, and so was Stefano Dimera, or least officially, although the man *had* been known to come back from the dead.
But imagining, for the sake of discussion, that it was true and it wasn’t either of them, who else could it have been? And why did whoever it was let her go after five years–what were they planning. Hard as he tried to put the whole ordeal out of his mind and focus on loving his wife, it was eating at him. Roman simply had to have the answers to those questions. He was compelled to find them.
Not wanting to bother his wife, he slowly made his way down the stairs and out the back door. He sat down on a lounger to think. As he concentrated on recapturing substantive images from the dream, hoping they would give him a clue to the mystery of his past as well as Marlena’s missing years, the face of a man appeared in his mind, a new face. One he couldn’t immediately place. ‘So, who is this guy and where have I seen him before?’
It came to him in a flash of memory. The man had blond hair and blue eyes, and he spoke with an accent, a British accent. Caine, it was Dr. Nathan Caine, the pediatrician who had recently saved their daughter’s life while they up were in the mountains. It suddenly occurred to Roman that this man’s distinctive countenance was in the nightmare too. “So, what the hell am I doing dreaming about him?”
* * *
Marlena heard a noise and startled awake. Rolling onto her right side, she instantly noticed her husband’s absence in their bed. With a worried sigh, she arose, padded slowly across the room and looked out the bedroom window, almost instinctively. Just as she had guessed, Roman was sitting out on the patio again, leaning forward in the chair with his elbows resting on his knees and staring off into the distance. She wondered what it was all about. Marlena knew something was disturbing him lately, but he hadn’t let her in on the secret as yet. There had been so much stress, so much emotional turmoil, in the not quite three months that had passed since her return. Maybe that was all it was, just the aftereffects.
Something inside her said there was much more to it than that, that he was struggling with something of great importance. If she pushed him, she knew he might tell her some of it, but her intuition told her to trust him. Roman had always come to her before when he really needed her support or her help with something that was troubling him. This time would be no different, or so she hoped. Despite her concern for his well being and a psychiatrist’s curiosity, Marlena did not go down to the patio and interrupt his silent contemplation.
* * *
The next morning; however, there was something else that bothered her, worried her even more. Standing in the kitchen downing a quick cup of coffee before work, he seemed distant, cold even, like he was shutting down his emotions. Or was it indifference she saw in his slightly hidden blue eyes?
“Roman, honey…. you’ve been awfully quiet lately. Are you okay?”
“Fine.” She said nothing and her silence was more powerful than an argument. He looked at her, smiled almost like normal, and said, “Really, Doc.. I’m fine.”
Unconvinced, she shook her head and walked away, worried but cognizant he would not tell her anything at the moment. Roman was apparently focused on a world she could never truly understand.
“Doc, come on…. what’s this all about anyway?”
“Suppose you tell me, Roman… have you looked in the mirror lately? Those dark circles under your eyes, they’re caused by oh…. say a lack of restful sleep maybe?”
He almost blushed under the close examination of this expert observer. “Okay, so I haven’t been sleeping so well, lately. It’s a problem, but I’m… handling it.”
“Yes, yes you are, Roman. And the silence is deafening.”
Wincing at her biting tone, he tried again to reassure her, “I’m okay, Doc… now I have to get into the Cop Shop–early meeting. I’ll see you tonight.” He put the mug in the sink and leaned in to kiss her. She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t exactly melt either. He sighed heavily and turned away. Roman just didn’t have time for this kind of intensity–not today.
“Alright, Roman… if what you want is to be left alone right now, you’ve got it. Talk to me when you’re ready. “
“I will. I’m sorry, Doc… this is something I gotta work out on my own first. Please, try to understand.” He leaned in and nuzzled her neck, eliciting a slight moan.
She nodded and gave him a hint of a smile, “Of course, just know that I love you and I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know, and I love you for being concerned about me. Now, I really do have to get going. Have a good day, Marlena.”
“You too, honey.” He smiled warmly and gave her a hug. Taking him by surprise, she drew him closer and planted a powerful kiss on his unsuspecting mouth, the movements of her lips and tongue undoubtedly bringing his temperature up a degree or so. Sometimes, reminders were a very good thing.
“Woah, Doc…” he said, feeling the heat rising slightly, even after she released him.
She covered her mouth with both hands and gave him an over done apology, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Roman… I’m keeping you from an important meeting, aren’t I? Shame on me.” She shook her head in mock self reproach, winked and then walked past him, the swing of her hips a bit exaggerated as she headed toward the staircase to the second floor.
Wiping his lips, still breathing hard with the need of her, he cracked a grin and followed her out of the room. “You just wait, young lady…. pay back is….”
“A wonderful thing sometimes, isn’t it, honey…” He was spellbound and she did it again, left him breathless as she stepped away from him, purposely dropping her robe on her way up the stairs.
“Oh, baby…”
“Goodbye sweetheart, I have to go and…. take my shower now.”
It made him shiver all over his body, thinking of their most recent encounter with warm water. “Ooh, I *am* going to get you for this young lady.”
She stopped and turned around, tracing her curves with the tips of her outstretched fingertips. “Young lady. Oh my, flattery will get you everywhere, and anywhere you want to go, Commander Brady.”
All conscious thoughts left him and the power of speech eluded him. All he could do was stand there with his eyes bugged out and his mouth gaping open.
She smiled, leaned down to pick up her robe and said, “Bye honey, have a really good day.”
When she was gone and he was able to think straight again, he called out to her, “I’ll be home early tonight!”
He heard her giggle with delight and then came the words, “Gee what a coincidence, so will I.”
“REALLY early, Doc!” he yelled. And then she laughed out loud–it was a glorious sound. It almost made him forget what he was so obsessed with earlier. Almost.
Protecting her from harm, making sure no one ever kept them apart again. That was his prime objective. To do that, he had to find the answers to his questions.
* * *
Two hours later he was in his office at the Salem PD and was so intent on the task at hand that he didn’t hear anyone approaching.
When the visitor spoke to him, he literally jumped, spilling his coffee, followed immediately by the uttering of his favorite expletive, “Dammit, Bo… don’t do that to me!”
“I really spooked you, huh?” Bo said, laughing at the same time as he was reaching for a paper towel to help with the mess. His brother wasn’t usually the jittery type. Something was up with him lately, and Bo had a fairly good idea of what at least part of it might be.
“No, I was just……”
Bo looked down and said, “You were so focused on this map here that the rest of the world just sorta disappeared on ya.” Roman was still wiping the coffee off his shoes and Bo took advantage of the opportunity. “So, you’ve decided to let this thing go, have you? You’re just going to concentrate on how good it is to have Marlena back home with you, nice and safe and sound,” Bo said, purposely over emphasizing his point.
The look on his brother’s face was akin to flaming arrows. “It’s *just* a map, Bo….. can’t a guy look at a map without everybody jumping to conclusions?”
“Right…. just a map of the South Pacific maybe…..”
He started to fold it up, but deciding there was no point in denying what Bo already knew, Roman answered honestly, “Alright…. yea, it is. Bo, we all know that Marlena didn’t escape after five years in captivity. They let her go because there’s some larger plan at work here. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense.”
“Yea… and…”
“And, we have to figure out what that is… so we can stop them.”
“And keep her safe.”
“Yes, and that’s why I can’t give it up, Bo. They still want something from her, from us…”
“I know and I understand. I’d be doing the same thing if it was Hope. So, did you tell Marlena what you’re up to ?”
“No, and I’m not going to either.” He turned away so he didn’t have to see the look of disapproval he knew was in his younger brother’s eyes.
“Roman….”
He put a hand up to cut his brother off. Roman knew what the man was about to say and he didn’t need to hear it just now. “Look Bo, it only gets her upset. I know what I’m doing, so just let it go. I’ll probably be staying right here in Salem, except for a short trip to Miami.”
“Miami?”
“Yea…. I want to trace this flight backwards and I think I need to go down there in order to do that.”
“So, how are you going to sell that one to Marlena?”
He smiled, thinking about sharing a moonlight stroll on the beach. “I’m taking her with me. Gonna tell her it’s a little get away.”
“And when you disappear to go do your investigating, what will you tell her then?”
Roman believed he had the perfect answer, “Easy…. I’ll just sign her up for a full body massage and a facial at one of those swanky spas in Miami Beach. She’s loves that kind of stuff.”
It brought an admiring expression to Bo’s face. Shaking his head in wonder, he said, “You know, I really gotta hand it to you, big brother… you can be downright sneaky at times.”
With a sly grin, Roman nodded and said casually, “Yea, but it’s all part of my irresistible charm.”
Bo chuckled, “Right….. But seriously, Roman, I hope this doesn’t come back to haunt you.”
“It won’t, Bo. What will come back to haunt me is if I stand back and do nothing and they…..” Roman shuddered and shook his head, as fleeting images of the most horrible moment in his life came back to him. Standing there helplessly watching as a small plane rose in the sky and then suddenly went down, plunging into the sea. Believing the woman he loved was on that plane, seeing her die, was a terrifying, gut wrenching experience he absolutely couldn’t bear to repeat. There was literally nothing he wouldn’t do to keep something like it from happening again.
Bo remembered what his brother was like afterward and he was equally committed to keeping Marlena safe. “I understand, Roman… okay, you do what you have to do. Just be careful, would ya? I’ve kinda gotten used to having you around, big brother.”
“Always,” Roman said with an appreciative brotherly smile, patting Bo lightly on the back. They’d worked through a lot in recent years. It seemed to happen almost naturally. Their relationship had changed on many levels; they were becoming more like a partners and friends, two men who shared so much more than blood ties.
Bo nodded in return as he helped his brother fold up the maps, wondering just how and when it was that they’d come to treat each other as equals fighting on the same side instead of as adversaries.
The Jarlena Journal 