Hiraeth – By Ms. Goldie

Hiraeth: n. (Welsh) A spiritual longing for a home which maybe never was. Nostalgia for old places to which we cannot return. It is the echo of the lost places of our soul’s past and our grief for them. It is the wind, and the rocks, and the waves. It is nowhere, and it is everywhere.

Chapter 1

February 1993

Roman had rushed Rebecca and Bo at the police station, in the hope that he could get back to the party and his wife, but as he looked around, it seemed as if he had missed her. He saw Rebecca speaking with Mickey off to the side, and saw several other people he was familiar with, but not his wife. Spotting his sister, standing alone with a glass of champagne, Roman approached, “Hey Kimmy? Did Marlena leave? I don’t see her anywhere.”

Kim seemed surprised to see him, and she said, “Yes. She told me to give everyone her goodbyes.” She was relieved that both Marlena and John had left. The tension between the two of them was palpable, and she couldn’t be the only person there who had noticed. Roman would read them immediately if he had been there. 

“What about John?” he asked, looking around warily. John and Marlena had grown close again since Isabella’s death, but Roman couldn’t push the man out of their lives completely. His family loved John, and considered him a Brady, even if he wasn’t. Sami and Eric still sometimes called him Dad, which infuriated him, but what could he do? 

“He left before her,” Kimberly said. “Although he gave a sizable donation before he left.”

Roman knew that the fundraiser was auctioning off dances with the ladies in attendance. Most of them would be bid on by boyfriends and husbands. He had a sinking feeling he knew who John had danced with, but he asked his sister anyway, “He did? Who did he dance with?”

“Marlena,” Kim said, watching her brothers reaction. She saw his body tense slightly, and she knew he was bothered.

“He danced with Marlena?” Roman asked her, trying to sound casual. John was wealthy, since he’d discovered he was Lawrence Alamain’s long lost brother, and Roman was reluctant to even ask how much he’d bid, but he found himself doing it anyway, “How much did he bid? A couple thousand?”

From behind him, he heard his Vivian Alamain say with a laugh, “A couple thousand? My nephew? Try $100,000.”

Roman knew shock lined his face, and he asked Kim, “John bid $100,000 to dance with my wife?”

Kim heard the anger and the possessiveness in her brothers voice. “He did,” Kim said softly. “It was very generous. Almost half of the nights total funds raised.”

Roman took a deep breath, and said, “I need some air.”

Kim followed him out onto the terrace, “Roman, it was just a dance. John was very generous in his bid, but it was a simple dance.”

“Nothing with that man is ever simple,” Roman muttered. “Ever since Isabella died…ever since she was kidnapped by Stella Lombard and he found her in the pit…they’ve been closer.”

Kim rested her hand on her brothers back, “Don’t overreact, it was one dance for a good cause.”

“C’mon, Kimmy! $100,000? That’s outrageous,” Roman said loudly.

“Maybe…but for John that amount is nothing,” she replied. “Just don’t…don’t go home and start another argument with her over this.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he said, turning to face her

“How often do you praise her? How often do you tell her how much you love her, or appreciate her?” Kim wanted to know.

“She said something in therapy?” Roman asked. Marlena had been seeing Kim for therapy since the pit. She had hoped it would help with her nightmares and her post-traumatic syndrome, but Roman didn’t think it was doing much. 

“You know I can’t answer that,” Kim said softly. “Just do me a favor, big brother, go home, spend some time with your wife, and let her know how much you love her.”

Roman stood at the terrace railing, staring out over the parking lot, and noticed John’s Jeep parked in the corner. Kim had said John had left before Marlena. What was going on?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena exited the restroom, and ran headlong into Rebecca Morrison. Rebecca noted that Marlena’s eyes were red, as if she’d been crying. “Marlena,” she said. “I thought you’d left.”

“I’m leaving now,” Marlena said softly, trying to step around Rebecca.

Stepping in Marlena’s path, Rebecca said, “I heard John placed quite the bid to dance with you tonight.”

“It was nothing, and John is generous,” Marlena told her.

“He’s generous, I agree, but $100,000 to dance with his ex-wife?” Rebecca asked with suspicion. She’d just started dating John, and she didn’t need his awkward infatuation with his ex-wife ruining that. 

“We’re friends, Rebecca. It was nothing. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Marlena stepped around the other woman, and made her way to the exit. She needed to get home. She needed to let out all of the pent up emotions that she seemed to be drowning in. She’d been barely able to function all day, constantly bombarded with sensory overload. She could still feel John’s hands on her body. She could feel the bite of his teeth along her jaw. She’d been aroused all day, swollen and wet, because she couldn’t stop thinking about him. About what they’d done. And then the guilt would overwhelm her, and she’d find herself crying into the quiet of her office.

John wasn’t making it any easier, following her to her office, and paying $100,000 to dance with her. Her mind was pushing and pulling, and she felt so confused. Stepping into the cold February air, Marlena shivered, and looked around for someone to call her a taxi.

John watched her as she exited the building. Fuck, she was gorgeous, and tonight? Tonight, she had smelled like heaven, hell, and sex personified. Dancing with her, he knew she could feel his cock, semi-erect, against her abdomen. As soon as he’d tugged her lush form against his, he’d released a low growl of arousal deep in his throat, and she’d gasped, staring up at him with wide eyes. She’d known exactly what he wanted, and she could deny it, but she wanted it too. Opening the door to his Jeep, he got out slowly, and began to make his way towards her.

Roman was just about to turn and walk back into the ballroom when the passenger door to John’s Jeep opened, and he got out. He seemed fixed on something or someone, and Roman’s eyes looked to see what it was. Marlena had just walked outside, and was talking to the valet. John’s eyes were locked on her, as he approached, and Roman found himself getting angry and possessive all over again. What was going on? 

Marlena saw John approach, and sighed heavily. She couldn’t be near him, her pussy was clenching from simply watching him stalk towards her. The determination in his face had her imagining his rough hands on her body, driving into her humid heat. She didn’t trust herself. She felt wetness seep into her panties when he said, “I’ll drive you.”

“No, I’m taking a taxi,” Marlena said as calmly as she could. It came out sounding harsh, and abrupt, but she couldn’t be alone with him.

Roman watched as John stepped closer to Marlena. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but Marlena seemed angry, and John seemed…intent on something.

John’s spicy cologne did things to her mind, and his voice got lower, “I will drive you.”

Her panties were soaked. Arousal flowed from her body at his forcefulness. She knew it was dangerous. Even as her mind screamed no, her body was roaring out yes. “I said, I’m taking a taxi. Stop doing this to me,” she practically hissed at him. They were in public, and she briefly glanced around to see if anyone was watching them, before trying to step away.

John grabbed her arm, pulling her back roughly, “People are going to wonder what’s going on, if we stand out here and argue.” He smelled so good, she wanted to close her eyes, and lean into him. Marlena looked around slowly, as he continued with a smug smirk, “Besides that, you’re going to catch your death of cold out here in this weather…waiting for a taxi.”

She shrugged off his hand roughly, and whispered, “Alright. Fine. Thank you. You may take me home as long as you go straight home. No detours. No stops.”

Marlena noticed that he didn’t agree, instead he said, “Get in now.”

She felt more dampness coat her inner thighs, and she shivered with want, when he placed his hand on her lower back, and guided her to the Jeep. He opened the door, and she debated whether she should change her mind right then, because, as much as she told herself, he would take her home, she knew he wasn’t going to. There was something in his eyes. Something that said, taking her home was the last thing on his mind.

Roman watched another man slide his hand along his wife’s hip, resting it low. The gesture was possessive, and familiar. Even after a heated conversation, Marlena allowed herself to be led away by John, and seated in the passenger seat. Roman watched John look around quickly, before rounding the vehicle, and pulling out of the parking space. Angry, Roman turned on his heel, heading inside. He was going to meet his wife at home.

John drove in silence for several moments. His cock was aching and throbbing, making it hard to think straight. Looking over at her, John said, “I think we need to talk about what we’re going to do.”

“We’re not going to do anything. Nothing at all,” she said firmly.

“Alright, now let’s get realistic, okay—”

“—you know what? I feel like you’re pursuing me!” she said, her anger rising. “No! I know you’re pursuing me!”

He reached for her hand, “Maybe, I can’t help myself—”

“—help yourself! Just help yourself!” she said loudly, jerking her fingers away from his.

“I wish I could, Doc! I can’t.”

“Well, look, I feel like I’m being taken advantage of here. You know that I was feeling…very weak, on the airplane, before—”

“—we made love?” he finished for her. He glanced over at her, “No, Doc, you were being honest. It was very refreshing. I didn’t think you were being weak at all.”

“Well, I was! You’re wrong, I was weak! I just never should have allowed my self to…give into my emotions. Especially not to act on them,” she said. Desperate to put the blame somewhere, she said, “But, I do feel that you’re putting me in the same kind of position that I was in—”

“—no! Now you’ve got me wrong, Doc. All I wanna do is talk. That’s all—”

“—we’re friends! We agreed to be friends—” she said in desperation.

“—I know what we agreed to, but…I said goodbye to Isabella tonight. I took off the ring. I experienced a great sense of loss. I don’t like to lose, and I don’t want to lose again!” he told her.

John turned the Jeep towards the lake, and Marlena’s core clenched again. He wasn’t taking her home. She looked at him desperately, “I’m not yours to lose! Not anymore—”

“—we’ve got a lot to talk about, don’t we—”

“—it’s over for us! We have discussed that!” she said in frustration. She looked around frantically, “You said, you’d take me home!”

John pulled onto a deserted hiking trail, and hit the breaks abruptly, causing the Jeep to jerk forward. He turned off the car, and turned to Marlena, saying with anger, “No! You’ve discussed that! I’m still thinking about it!”

She had to get away from him. She didn’t trust him to stop this. She didn’t trust herself to stop this. Marlena wrenched the door open, and slid into the cold February air, slamming the door behind her.

John groaned in frustration, throwing open his own door, and trailing behind her, “Doc! It’s cold! Get back in the car!”

“No! No!” she cried. “I asked you to take me home. I told you no stops!”

Jogging to catch up with her, he wrapped his hand around her upper arm roughly, and began to walk back towards the Jeep. He had to get her to listen to him. Pushing her body against the car, John said, “I—I took a long, hard look at myself tonight, and I realized, no matter who shares my life with me, who is in my future, Isabella will live on in a corner of my heart. She’s very special. She’s very important to me—”

Marlena struggled to get free of him, “—that’s the way that it should be—”

“—but I also realized something else tonight, Doc,” he whispered, his face coming dangerously close to hers. “I am in love with you.”

“John…” she whispered, turning her face away from his.

He tipped his face towards her, and said softly, “I’m in love with you, Doc.”

“Don’t do that—”

“—we can’t run from that—”

“—no!” she yelled, pushing at his chest. “No!”

“—it’s the truth!” he shouted back. He rested his forehead on hers, and he said with a rough voice, “I love you…you love me! Yeah. Those are the facts…”

Marlena felt a cold, fat drop of rain hit her shoulder, “John, take me home. It’s starting to rain.”

“Doc,” he said painfully, “if you don’t want me near you…if you truly want me to leave you alone…then, I swear I won’t chase you anymore, Doc. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable—”

She could feel his cock, hard and long, pressing into her abdomen, and she murmured, “—well, you are making me uncomfortable—”

“—I promise, I will never tell you how much I love you,” he whispered, running his nose down the side of her face. He could feel the rain start to pick up, the cold droplets hitting the back of his neck, and sliding along his spine. He groaned with wanting her, and he said roughly, “But I will tell you this much, not a day will go by in my life, that I won’t spend thinking about you…or wanting you…”

“John,” she moaned, unable to keep the desire out of her voice.

“The memory of making love to you is burned into my brain,” he whispered trailing his lips along the skin behind her ear. “I won’t forget it…and I’ll never stop wanting to make love to you—”

“—please don’t do this to me!” she cried, even as her hips bucked against his, in an effort to relieve some of the ache in her pelvis. The rain was coming down in torrents, and Marlena looked up into John’s deep blue eyes, helpless to stop the trajectory of this night.

“All I want you to know is, if and when the time comes that you do want me…you just come to me. I’ll take you on whatever terms you ask,” he whispered, his lips brushing the outside of her ear. “No questions asked, Doc. I’ll take you.”

“John! Oh, G-d!” she cried, just as his lips brushed hers. Rain water trailed over her face, and dripped from John’s hair. She tasted champagne on his lips, and the heat of his mouth, combined with the freezing rain, overtook her senses. Rational thought escaped her. Her fingers threaded into his wet hair, and she pulled his mouth to hers, licking along his lips, while crying out her helplessness at his emotional assault.

John’s heart soared. Marlena pulled at his hair, sending waves of desire straight to his cock, causing him to roll his hips into her roughly. Steam was rising from their bodies, even as they were pelted with near freezing water. Pulling back, his lips slid down her neck, biting the soft flesh there, with a groan. With a growl, John pulled the back door of the Jeep open, and said roughly, “Get in the car, Baby. Now.”

Marlena stared at him for a moment, and slowly got into the car. John had barely closed the door behind himself, when Marlena’s hands were on him, tugging on his necktie, attempting to remove it.

“Fuck,” John rasped, reaching for the zipper underneath her arm. Pulling it down, the harsh rasping sound filled the silent vehicle. His hand slid into her dress, his whole palm sliding over the wet skin of her back. John bit her collarbone in desperation, sucking at her skin almost violently, “Fuck, Doc. I’ve been hard for hours. I want you so bad.”

She didn’t speak as her fingers worked his buttons free, and she spread his shirt open, allowing her hands to roam his chest. She pushed his jacket and his soaking wet shirt off of his shoulders. John hissed, allowing his head to roll back when her fingernails raked over his nipples. She’d given up. She’d given in. Slowly her palms swept up around his neck, and into his hair, pulling it roughly, and she pulled his mouth back to hers, with a low moan of want, “John…”

Roughly, almost violently, her dress was tugged up over her rounded hips, and Marlena raised her arms over her head, so John could remove it. She knelt before him in the back seat of his Jeep, wearing a black lace Demi bra, and the skimpiest pair of black panties he’d ever seen, and all he could say was, “I want you so bad.”

It was then that he reached for her. Sitting back, he pulled her body on top of his, her legs straddling his hips, and he buried his face in her breasts. Marlena’s hips rolled over him, and John’s head fell back against the headrest. He watched as she reached behind herself, unfastening her bra, and then slowly placed it on the seat beside them. Cupping her breasts, his thumbs rubbed over her nipples, and she shivered from arousal, and the cold. He could see the bumps as they rippled across her moist skin, and unable to stop himself, John leaned forward, taking one of her breasts in his mouth, rolling the nipple with his tongue.

“Oh, G-d!” she cried, arching against the heat of his mouth. “Oh…John, that feels so good.”

Splaying his palms around her ribs, he lifted her body slightly, wrenching his belt off, and unfastening his pants. “I can’t wait, Doc,” he rasped, resting his forehead on her breasts, and pulling his turgid length out of his pants roughly. She could feel him resting against her center.

Marlena lifted herself higher, staring into John’s eyes, “Then don’t.” Reaching down, she pulled the gusset of her panties to the side, and slid the length of her pussy along his cock.

John roared, “Fuck!” She slid over him again, the heat of her swollen lips gliding over him in the sweetest burn. “Baby! Doc…stop! I’m going to come if you don’t—”

She lined his cock up with her entrance, and slid her body down, her inner walls, sucking him deep inside of her. He filled her up, and she cried out, “Oh, G-d! John!”

John’s fingers dug into the soft flesh of her hips, and his pelvis bucked, trying to seat himself even deeper within her. He pulled her body forward, her breasts pressing against his chest, and his mouth consumed her. Biting and licking feverishly over her lips, he lifted her slightly, holding her above him, and he began to pump into her. “Fuck,” he groaned, low and deep. “Fuck…you feel so good. Doc…Marlena…I love you. I love you so much…”

Marlena felt herself nearing her climax, and she knew Johns signals, he was close. Leaning forward, she licked over his ear, and whispered, “Fuck me harder.”

John was lost, slamming into her body, as wave after wave of ecstasy washed over him. Marlena’s orgasm rolled over her, her fingernails raking over the skin at the back of his neck, as she bit at his mouth while desperate, high pitched pants left her body with every thrust.

They lay together in silence for long moments afterward. Their breathing synchronized, and their hearts matched their rhythms. She rested against him, her body still shaking with tremors, and John’s cock still buried deep inside her, and she said, “We can’t do this again.”

John buried his face in her neck, breathing her in, and he said roughly, “Don’t forget what I said, Doc, any terms you want.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena was surprised to find Roman home awaiting her return. He looked her over. She was a mess. Her clothing was soaking wet, her hair hung in curls around her face, and her make-up was ruined. Roman reached for her, pulling her close, “Doc! What happened? I thought John was bringing you home?”

She looked at him with wide eyes, “He did. How did you—”

“I saw Kim. She told me,” he lied easily.

“Oh,” Marlena whispered, stepping away from him, and placing her purse on the table. “John had…car trouble. He had to change the tire…”

“Why didn’t you stay in the car? Doc, it’s freezing out there.”

Marlena scrambled for a lie, but lying didn’t come easy. “I needed to hold the flashlight.”

Roman looked at her for moment, unsure if what she was telling him was true. He knew he should stay home. He knew he should spend time with Marlena, but the case he was working on was calling him. He would make time for her the following day. Roman said, “I just got a call from the station about this gambling ring case, Doc. I have to head out. I just wanted to make sure you got home safely.” Roman leaned forward kissing her lips softly, and said, “Don’t wait up. I don’t know how late I’ll be.” He grabbed his coat off of the coatrack, and was gone without another word.

Later, after a long hot shower Marlena exited the bathroom wrapped in a large, fluffy towel, and dialed John’s loft. The sound of his voice when he answered had her trembling, when she said, “John…it’s Marlena.”

“Doc,” he said softly, adjusting Brady in his arms. “I was worried about you. You were so upset when you…when I dropped you off.”

“Roman was waiting on me…I was a mess, so, I—I told him you had a flat tire, and, I had to…hold the flashlight.”

John sighed, “I understand.”

“John,” she whispered, crying softly. “We can’t…I can’t do this again. It’s unfair to Roman. It’s unfair to you.”

“Doc, I determine what’s unfair to me. If you ever come to me, I won’t refuse you,” he told her.

“Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Doc.”

Chapter 2

Marlena sat in Kim’s office staring at her hands. She was tired, more than tired, she was downtrodden. Arguing with Roman was exhausting, and they seemed to argue quite frequently. She knew it was affecting the twins, but didn’t know what to do about it, or how to stop it. It was as if her energy had simply left her. She looked up, when Kim said softly, “You’ve lost weight, Marlena.”

“I’m not very hungry,” she said softly. “Roman and I argue so often…and I lose my appetite.”

“Did you argue recently?”

“This morning,” she said. “It was dumb really. I know he’s been busy, and stressed about this case involving the gambling ring.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s not much to say, Kim. I asked Roman if it was possible to cut back on his work hours, so that he might spend more time with the twins,” Marlena said with a sigh. “He became very angry. He said, I don’t understand his job, and that sometimes it’s necessary to work long hours, and…I think he said, that’s the nature of the beast, implying that I married a police officer, so I should expect that.”

Kim sighed softly. Roman was pushing Marlena further and further away with his unbending nature, “How did that make you feel?”

“I got angry…I said somethings I shouldn’t have.”

Kim knew exactly what Marlena had said, but she asked, just for conformation, “You brought up John?”

Marlena nodded, “I was so angry, and I’m getting tired of Roman’s excuses. Obviously it made things worse…you know, John was so…involved. He was home for dinner, he attended school events…”

“I remember that,” Kim said softly. “He coached baseball, and softball.”

Marlena smiled, remembering those days with fondness, “Even soccer…when Sami wanted to try it. He went to the library and got a book, just so he could coach her team. She still loves soccer.”

Kim watched Marlena with sadness in her eyes. Her sister in law was so unhappy, and that unhappiness was now manifesting itself physically. She noted the dark circles under her eyes, and the way her shoulders seemed to hang. Kim felt sadness, not just for Marlena but for the twins. She said, “I think, if you asked him, John would still be willing to do that…coach their teams, I mean.”

Marlena seemed startled, as if the idea had never occurred to her, “What?”

“Sami and Eric would love it if he did, and if Roman is too busy, what would it hurt? John is family. He’s like an uncle.”

Marlena stared at Kim with wide eyes. Could John do that? Could she ask him to do that? How would Roman react? Marlena said, “Roman wants to limit John’s involvement with the children. He thinks they won’t accept him as their father, if they’re hanging on to John.”

Kim was staring at a woman who seemed to be a shell of who she was. Marlena had been fierce. She fought for what she wanted. She stood up for what she believed in. But it seemed, since Roman returned, that she had slowly been disappearing, replaced with someone who was sad, and lonely. Kim leaned forward, staring at Marlena with intense eyes, “What do you think?”

“Me?”

“In your professional opinion, what do you think?” Kim asked her. “Do you believe that if Sami and Eric spend time with John, they won’t bond with Roman?”

“No,” Marlena said softly. She was quiet for a long time, and then she said with a small smile, “The twins…the twins would really enjoy it if John was involved…and Roman doesn’t have the time.”

Kim wanted to rip her brothers head from his shoulders. His children were acting out daily. In school, and at home. He needed to be involved, but he wasn’t. He missed recitals, games, school plays, and the science fair. Roman Brady was always ready with another excuse, and Kim saw it from every angle. Roman needed to make time for the twins, and time for his wife, but he simply wouldn’t. Kim said gently, “I think you should ask the twins what they want, and then maybe…you could ask John what he wants.”

Marlena’s stomach rolled at the idea of seeing John. She’d avoided him for a week. Or, maybe he was avoiding her? Either way, she hadn’t seen him since the night of the fundraiser. She wasn’t sure she trusted herself to see him. Refusing to commit, Marlena told Kim, “I might do that.”

“I think you should do that,” Kim encouraged her softly. “You need a friend right now.”

Marlena thought about John. She did need a friend, but he was much more than a friend. If she confided in Kim, truly confided in Kim, about the nature of her relationship with John, she didn’t think her husbands sister would be as supportive. She didn’t think Kim would be encouraging her to spend time with John, alone, to talk about the twins. 

Kim watched emotions play over Marlena’s face, and she said, “Is there something going on with John?”

A lone tear fell from Marlena’s eye, and she whispered, “I still love John.”

Kim took a deep breath, standing up, and walked around her desk. Kneeling in front of Marlena, she reached for her hands, and she said, “I know that. I’m pretty sure the whole family knows that. But my question is, do you love Roman?”

“Of course, I love Roman! I just can’t seem to connect with him,” Marlena cried. “I can’t seem to make him happy. When he’s ready to spend time with me or the children, he expects us to be available, and if we aren’t, he complains that I’m constantly bothering him to spend more time with the family. And…I am, but he’s so…concrete. If he’s ready for family time, we need to be available. If he’s hungry, we should all be hungry. If Roman wants to make love…it doesn’t matter if I’m exhausted, or stressed…or even if I just woke us both from a horrible nightmare.” Marlena stood up, realizing that for the first time in months, she was letting out her anger. It felt good, and it felt scary. Taking a deep breath to rein it back in, Marlena got herself under control.

Kim stood up, following her, and watched Marlena from a few feet away. Marlena turned to look out the window, “It’s always about Roman. It’s always been about Roman, and as much as I love him…I’m not the same woman I was in 1983. That was ten years ago! He was gone for seven of them! How do I get him to understand that?”

“Maybe the two of you need time away?” Kim suggested. “Take a few days, go up to Green Mountain Lodge or somewhere else. Maybe the Horton cabin? I would love to watch the twins. Shane, Jeannie, and Andrew would love it.”

Marlena started feeling hopeful, “Do you think Roman would go?”

“It wouldn’t hurt to try,” Kim said with encouragement. “It never hurts to try.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John was rounding the corner, heading towards Marlena’s office when he heard Roman’s voice, “Doc, it’s a great idea. I just don’t have the time!”

“You don’t have time, Roman? Or you won’t make time?” Marlena asked with bitterness in her voice, feeling a spark of her old fire. “I’m your wife! Why do I find myself begging you to spend time with me? To spend time with your children?”

“Doc!” Roman roared, drawing looks of surprise from people walking by. In a quieter voice he said, “I have a job to do. You should understand that!”

“I do understand that, Roman. But at no point should your job take precedence over your family! Over me!”

“Is that what you think I’m doing? Choosing my job over you, and the kids?”

Marlena sighed, and hissed, “Roman!That is what you’re doing!”

“Listen, Doc, as soon as I get this gambling case wrapped up—”

“—can’t you do this for me? I’m trying to save our marriage, but I can’t do that alone!” Marlena cried softly. 

John stepped around the corner, just as Roman said loudly, “Marlena! We’ll make plans. You and me…soon, but right now, I’ve got to focus on this case. I’ve got a couple leads I need to look into, and you’ve—you’ve gotta stop nagging me about this. You sound like a fucking fish wife!”

John cleared his throat, and Marlena started crying softly. She knew he’d overheard the conversation. She could tell by the way he was staring at Roman. 

Roman knew immediately he’d made a mistake. The last person he needed to know about his marriage problems, was John Black. He stepped towards Marlena, and said softly, “Look, Doc, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

She stared up at him with tear filled eyes, and she whispered, “Are you apologizing because you mean it, or because John overheard you?”

Roman knew his apology had only been prompted by John’s appearance. He looked at her, and said, “We’ll finish this conversation when I get home  tonight.”

“I think,” she said slowly “…I think, I might go to the conference on post traumatic stress syndrome. I—I know I said, I wasn’t up for it, but I think maybe…I need some time to think.”

Roman stared at her. He was so angry he was trembling, but with John’s eyes on him, he had to control it. He said, “I think maybe that might be a good idea.”

As Roman stalked away, leaving his wife crying helplessly in the corner, John stepped closer, reaching for her, “Doc.”

Marlena shrugged him off. “Don’t,” she whispered. “You can’t touch me right now.”

“Doc, let’s go in your office. You can calm down there,” he said softly.

“I can’t,” she said. “I—I can’t be alone with you. I need to figure out how to save my marriage.”

“I don’t think leaving for a conference is going to do that,” he told her gently. “If you leave now, it might drive the wedge further between you, and I know…I know you want to make your marriage work.”

“How do I do that, when I’m fighting him all the time, and trying to get over you?” she said, turning to go into her office. John stood there, as she started to close the door. Placing his foot in the way, he gently pushed it open, stepping inside. Marlena stared up at him with wide eyes, as he closed the door and locked it with a soft click. Her heart was racing, and she felt so lonely, “We can’t be alone.”

“I’m not here to do anything, but comfort you,” he whispered, pulling her close and wrapping her body in his arms. “No pressure, Doc. Just a friend’s arms around you.”

Her body was rigid, tension lining every muscle fiber. She wanted to give into the comfort he was offering, but she couldn’t. If she did, she didn’t know if she would be able to maintain this emotional distance. 

His large palms smoothed over her arms and back, in a repetitive motion that was so familiar to her, and she was lost. A wracking sob broke loose, and she couldn’t stop it. Marlena found herself clinging to him, and when she nearly collapsed, John led her to the couch, where he sat down, and pulled her into his lap. Curling into him, she cried. She didn’t know how long she wept for. She didn’t know how long he held her for. Glancing towards the window, she realized the sun was setting, and she murmured, “What time is it?”

John checked his watch, the one Marlena had given him for Christmas, and he said quietly, “Six o’clock.”

“I have to pick up the twins from Caroline,” she said, even though she didn’t move.

“Are you okay to drive?” John asked her, smoothing her hair away from her face, studying her.

“Yes,” Marlena responded, standing up and straightening her skirt. “I have to be.”

“Do you want me to drive you?”

“I—I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she whispered, staring up at his deep blue eyes. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for caring about you,” John said. “Roman was being an ass.”

Marlena stepped closer, unable to stop herself. John wanted to kiss her. He wanted to continue to hold her, or drive her home. Wanting to take care of her was pure instinct on his part. Marlena’s soft hand caressed his late afternoon scruff, and she said, “You’re an amazing man, John Black.”

Later that night, as he was falling asleep, John could still feel the softness of her lips from the kiss she’d placed on the corner of his mouth. It had taken everything in him to refrain from touching her, but John had promised her he’d stop pursuing her, and he had to honor that. In his heart, he knew it was simply a matter of time, before Marlena came to him.

Chapter 3

Marlena sat on the couch across from Carrie, her coat and her purse clutched in her arms. Disarray surrounded her, in Austin’s apartment. The girl was incredibly upset, and asking Marlena to keep another secret from Roman. Marlena was torn. Carrie trusting her enough to let her know what was happening was essential, but promising to keep it from Roman added to the lies Marlena was already harboring. 

Carrie was scared that her father was going to push Austin away. She loved him so much, that the idea of losing him nearly destroyed her, “Can you talk to him, Marlena? Can you—can you make him see that Austin isn’t a bad guy?”

Carrie may not be her daughter, but she loved her as if she were. Marlena would do anything for Carrie. She said carefully, “Alright…I’ll do my best, but you must tell your father what’s going on!”

Carrie scoffed, and then said, “I’ll tell you, if you promise not to tell Dad.”

“Do you know what you’re asking me to do? You’re asking me to keep a secret from your father!”

“You’ve done it for me before!” Carrie cried. “Both you and John!”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, and then she whispered, “I know. I’m not sure how many more secrets I can handle, though, and Carrie…it’s not good to keep secrets. You don’t know what they do to you!”

“I know! But I can’t talk to Dad about this! He doesn’t understand the way you do…the way John does. He yells, and blusters, but he doesn’t listen. You and John…you listen to me…you help me work out my problems. You don’t try to control everything!”

Marlena and Carrie turned when they heard a knock in the hallway, on Carrie’s apartment door. Marlena said, “Are you expecting somebody?”

Carrie looked sheepish, “John…I hope you don’t mind, but I called him too.” She stood up, and left Austin’s apartment, expecting Marlena to follow her. 

Marlena’s heart rate picked up. She hadn’t seen him since her break down in her office two days earlier, and emotionally, she was in no state to see him now. She was feeling weak, and vulnerable, having just argued with Roman that morning over Carrie. She heard John’s voice in the hallway, and a tremor ran through her body. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, and then stood up to meet them.

Carrie was oblivious to the emotions running through the two people she trusted most in her life. Marlena was stuck, caught in John’s eyes, as he said, “Hey, Marlena…”

The timbre of his rough voice rolled through her, and without thought, a soft smile played over her lips. The lightest lift at the edges, because she was so happy to see him. When everything else was chaotic, and filled with tension, simply setting eyes on John brought a peace to her, which was immediately followed by guilt. 

Carrie walked into her apartment, expecting them to follow, and John stepped closer to Marlena, “I didn’t plan this. I swear, I didn’t know Carrie was going to have you over here.”

Marlena shook her head, “I didn’t know, either. I had no idea.”

Carrie popped her head out, “Are you coming in now, or not?”

Carrie watched as John reached for Marlena’s hand, and Marlena seemed to shiver. John pulled Marlena after him, saying as casually as he could, “Yeah, let’s go.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena sat on the couch, in the home she shared with Roman, later that night. In her hand she held the photographs from her anniversary party. Photos that were taken the same night she’d slept with John on Victor’s plane. She stared at the photo in her hand, brushing her fingers over it softly. She and John seemed to be having such an intense conversation. Marlena remembered begging John to leave several times that evening. Maybe that photo was taken during one of those moments. 

She touched her lips softly, remembering John’s lips on hers. She’d kissed him. He’d done nothing more than seduce her with his words. John spoke of waking up, and felling her beside him. He said he could see her face in his minds eyes. He spoke of an ache deep inside himself, an ache for her, and she was lost. Turning in his arms she’d stared into his dark blue eyes, and run her palm over his face. She’d kissed him, and then she’d run off overwhelmed with what she’d done.

John’s words from the other night kept playing over and over in her mind. Whatever terms you want…I won’t refuse you… Marlena set the photos down, and reached for her tea, just as the front door opened, and Roman walked in. It was Saturday, and both of the twins had managed to have sleep overs with friends. 

Roman hung his coat on the coatrack, and saw Marlena sitting on the couch. He used to be drawn to her, wanting to surround himself with her warmth and her kindness, but since his return a couple year earlier…she’d changed. He wanted his wife back, but the woman in front of him sitting on their sofa, was someone that he struggled to learn. Sighing he walked closer, noting the photographs on the table. “Hey, are those the pictures from our anniversary party?”

Marlena smiled up at him, “They are. Most of them were taken by Eric and Sami, and I can vouch that nine year olds with cameras don’t take great pictures. But there are a couple good ones.”

Roman flipped through the stack, coming to a halt at a photo of John and his wife. The way they looked at each other, with such intensity was hard for him to stomach. Roman tried to sound casual when he said, “This photo of you and John…it looks pretty intense. What were you two discussing?”

Marlena is momentarily caught off guard, “I can’t remember.”

“You can’t remember?” he asked her incredulously. “It almost looks like you’re arguing.” He thought back to the night of the police fundraiser, and the intensity with which John conversed with Marlena that night. The way the man had tugged her arm, and then escorted her home. “You sure you don’t remember?”

“I don’t,” she said softly, standing up with her empty tea cup, and walking towards the kitchen. 

Roman followed his wife, “I got into another argument with Carrie today over Austin.”

“I know,” Marlena told him.

“You know? Oh, I suppose Carrie called you then?”

“She did,” Marlena said, placing the tea cups in the dishwasher. “She was very upset.”

“Did you know she called John, too? I ran into him at the pub, and had to set him straight on a few things,” Roman said with obvious frustration. “He says, he’s concerned about her.”

“He is,” Marlena said. “He raised her as his own for a long time.”

“She’s my daughter, Doc! It’s no longer his place to be worried about her!”

“Roman, he can’t stop loving her, or caring for her, because you came home! That’s not how emotions work!”

Roman pictured John’s hand on Marlena’s hip guiding her to the car, and he recalled the photos in the living room, but said nothing. “Well, I told him he needs to back off, and let me handle it.”

“You did?”

Roman stared at Marlena, “Hell yes, I did. She’s my daughter!”

“I think—I think she called him, because she still needs him in her life. He knows how to talk to her—” Marlena started to say.

“—are you trying to say, I don’t know how to communicate with her?”

“No, I’m saying that she was raised with…different expectations. John would talk through her problems with her, and help her come to her own conclusions,” Marlena told him. “That’s all I’m saying. She’s used to a different approach. Maybe…maybe John could help you.”

His wife had lost her fucking mind! Roman looked at Marlena, and said, “I’m home. She’s my daughter, and I’ll determine what’s best for her!”

“She’s my daughter, too, Roman! And I think—”

His face suffused with anger, Roman roared, “—She’s my daughter, and she’s Anna’s daughter! We’ll determine what’s best for her!”

Marlena stepped back, tears filling her eyes, “I raised her, too, Roman. Don’t you dare tell me she’s not my child.”

Roman was a little shocked at the harshness of his wife’s tone. She wasn’t usually so forceful, “You know what I meant, Doc.”

“Do I?” she asked. “Why don’t you explain it to me.”

But he couldn’t. Not really. “I’m saying that I’m home now. I’m her father. Anna is her mother, and primary decisions in regards to how to handle Carrie should be made by us.”

“Anna hasn’t been around for years! You were gone for seven years! Carrie is an adult, Roman! An adult! You have no say in how she lives her life, or the choices she makes anymore!” Marlena cried. “If she calls me, or John, it’s because she trusts us. You should be glad that she has people in her life she can call.”

“She should be calling me!” Roman screamed at Marlena. “Me! I’m her father!”

“You don’t understand. I don’t know if you’ll ever understand! John was here for her first school dance, her first menstrual cycle, her first kiss…Roman, he was her father in every way that matters! You can’t return, and suddenly replace that bond.”

“I told him tonight, Doc. He needs to step back. He needs to get out of the way, and if she calls him…for anything, he needs to refer her to me.”

“He can’t—he won’t be able to do that, Roman. Not if Carrie really needs him!” Marlena cried softly. “She loves him!”

“Are we still talking about Carrie, Doc? Or are we talking about you?”

Marlena stared at Roman in surprise, “Why would we be talking about me?”

“Come on, Doc! Look at how you fight for him. How you back him up in every argument,” Roman sneered. “You think I don’t know that you still harbor feelings for him?”

“Roman! I love you, but you—you make it so hard to do that!”

“You may love me, Doc…but, I’ve seen you two together. I’ve seen you,” he said.

“How? How could you? You’re never home! You find every excuse you can to be at work! How would you even know anything? Anything at all about your own family? Eric won 3rd place in the science fair. What was his project on?” she cried. “Sami was just in a musical at school, what part did she play?”

“Doc! My job is important!” Roman yelled, ignoring the questions she had just posed to him.

“Don’t you dare yell and scream at me about the importance of your children coming to you when they need help! Don’t ever tell me that they should trust you first! Because that argument is a wash Roman Brady! A wash! You’re never around for them. You’re never around for any of us!” Marlena turned on her heel, leaving the kitchen. 

Roman followed behind her, watching as she pulled her coat out of the closet, and opened the front door. “Doc, where the hell are you going? It’s 8:30 at night, and it’s raining again.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I just know I can’t be here with you right now. I can’t breathe.”

Roman stared at the door, as she slammed it in his face. Stalking across the room, he dialed Kim’s house, and then his parents, asking them to look out for Marlena. Roman went to the couch, sinking into it, and picked up the photos from the anniversary party, staring at the photo of John and his wife. It was slightly blurry, probably taken by Eric, and there was something in their eyes. Something Roman couldn’t quite figure out. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena found herself in front of John’s loft twenty minutes later. Her fists were clenched at her side, and she knew, she was in complete disarray. The rain had soaked her, as she stood outside her car, staring up at John’s building, debating whether to go up our not. She wasn’t a fool. She knew what knocking on his door meant. She shivered, feeling the February rain saturating her skin, but she lifted her hand and she knocked.

Rebecca had been outside, debating her own decision to make her way to John’s loft. They had been dating for weeks, and he’d barely kissed her. She was hoping that with a little pressure, he might take the next step in their relationship. Then she’d spotted Marlena Brady, staring up at the window to John’s home. What was she doing here at 9 o’clock in the evening on a Saturday? She’d taken the stairs to John’s loft, watching as Marlena stood motionless in front of his loft door. Muttering to herself, Rebecca said, “What the hell is she doing here?”

John slid his loft door open, and stared down at the most beautiful mess he’d ever seen. Her curls surrounded her face, dripping with rain water, and her make-up smeared her cheeks. She shivered violently, as she stared up at him with helpless eyes. She’d obviously been crying, and he knew why. If his earlier conversation with Roman at the pub was any indication. John looked around quickly, making sure no one saw them, and he reached for Marlena’s hand, pulling her inside. 

Chapter 4

Rebecca stared at John’s closed loft door, and seethed inside. What was Marlena Brady doing at John’s house this late in the evening? Why was she soaked through with rain, and why did she look so upset? Her fists clenched, and her breathing was heavy. Looking around, she went back into the stair well to wait. She would sit there all night if she had to, because something was going on with John and Marlena, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

Inside John’s loft, he stepped closer to Marlena, always drawn in when she was close by. Water dripped from her hair, and trailed over her bright hazel eyes, like liquid crystals on her skin. She stared up at him, with a look of want, and it nearly drove him mad with wanting her. Gripping the lapels of her sopping wet coat, John pulled her closer, and started stripping it from Marlena’s shoulders. Her lips were tinged blue, and her body started shivering violently, all the while her eyes were riveted on him. 

John was confused. She’d told him to stay away. She’d told him they couldn’t be together again, but her eyes were sending him messages to the contrary. Her eyes said she wanted him, as much as he wanted her. John forced himself to break eye contact, and focus on warming her up. Something else to place his attention on, other than the throbbing that was starting in his cock, and the ache at the base of his spine. 

“Doc,” John said with a rough voice. “You’re freezing! Why are you soaked? Baby, were you just standing outside in the rain?”

“I—I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come up…so I stood outside my car for…for awhile,” she chattered. “I just st-stared up at your window. I must h-have lost track of time.” Marlena remembered the war she was having in her own mind, because she knew what going up to John’s loft would mean. She knew what would happen. Standing in the rain, letting the freezing droplets pelt her face and neck, feeling the ice cold liquid trail along her back and her breasts, she’d decided that she was going to take what she wanted, and be damned for it later.

“Doc it’s almost freezing outside!” It was February. She shouldn’t be so lost in her thoughts that she allowed herself to be drenched in a winter gale. Her body shook again, and John started to get worried. He took her hand, pulling her towards the stairs, but she was so cold her feet tripped, and she couldn’t seem to get her legs to work. Lifting her into his arms, John started to ascend the stairs. “I’ve got to get you warmed up,” he said. 

Marlena rested her head on his shoulder, she was freezing, and tired. Her wet hair soaked his shirt, and her cold started to soak into him. But then he felt her cold lips on his neck, and he groaned. As much as he wanted to take her to his bed, he said, “I’m putting you in the bath, Doc. I’m worried about your temperature.”

“Hmmm…a bath sounds nice,” she whispered. She was so tired, so she allowed her head to rest on his shoulder, soaking in his love for her. No one made her feel as cherished, and loved as John did. Certainly not her husband, but that was a thought for another day. Marlena felt her eyes close, as the cold started to draw her closer to sleep.

John noticed when she got quiet, jostling her gently when he reached the top of the stairs, “Wake up, baby. Wake up.”

“Hmmm?” she moaned softly. “I’m tired.”

“You’re tired because you’re freezing cold!” John sat her gingerly on the toilet seat, briskly rubbing his hands over her shoulders. His eyes caught hers again, and he found himself drifting closer, wanting to kiss her soft pillowy lips. Marlena shivered again, and he turned away from her quickly, running the water in his bathtub.

Marlena looked around. She’d never been in John’s bathroom before. It felt so personal, so intimate. His cologne sat on the edge of the sink, by the mirror. His razor was in a cup, exactly how he used to keep it when they were married. Her chest pulled tight, wanting that back. She wanted their old life. Their married life. She’d been so happy, but that was gone. The happiness was gone, and instead she found her soul living in a purgatory of her own creation, while she longed for what was. Or was it? Was her life with John as happy as she remembered it, or was her mind conjuring up something, because she was so unhappy in her current situation?

Marlena’s eyes trailed over the muscles in John’s back, pulled tight against the fabric of his t-shirt as he leaned over, testing the temperature of the water. Marlena reached for him, running her fingers over the cotton stretched across him. John looked at her, realizing she was still dressed in wet clothes. In a forceful tone, he told her, “Take the clothes off, Doc.”

She shivered at his words, transported to another time and place, distinctly different from where she currently found herself, and yet, the forcefulness of his words were so familiar. Marlena started to unbutton her blouse, which she noticed was practically sheer, because it was so wet. Her fingers felt tight, and she fumbled with the buttons, finally whispering, “I need help.”

John turned around, kneeling in front of her, and started unbuttoning her shirt. The pale pink satin stuck to her skin like it was part of her, and John could see the outline of her bra. He tried to keep his eyes from looking over her body, and to distract himself he asked her, “Doc…why are you here?”

“I don’t know,” she said quietly. They both knew it was a lie. Saying she didn’t know was a gut reaction. A first response. Marlena sighed, “I got into another argument with Roman…over Carrie. He said…he said, he’s her father, and Anna is her mother, and I-I apparently don’t fit into the equation. It hurt me so badly. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t be around him, so I left. And all I could think about was you…”

“So you came here?”

“I thought about going to Kim’s…but the other day in her office she said, I needed a friend. She’s worried about me, and I thought tonight…a friend? Where else would I go, John? You are my dearest friend.” She touched his face softly, her cold fingertips softly spanning his jaw, and she whispered, “You are my dearest friend.”

Her dearest friend? She loved him, and they both knew that. She may refuse to say it, because saying it out loud scared her to death, but it didn’t change what they both knew. Peeling her gauzy shirt from her ice cold skin, John whispered gently, “Stand up, baby.”

Marlena stood, and her muscles rippled, feeling John’s hot, humid breath on her abdomen. His eyes fixated on his fingers, as they caught hold of the fastening in the side of her skirt, sliding the hook closure out, and unzipping it. Marlena shivered again, but she wasn’t sure if it was from cold or arousal. She watched him, and threaded her fingers through his hair. He was so warm. Her fingers tightened slightly, and John looked up at her. 

His fingers slowed in their movements, where he had been moving hastily, his palms started a slow push of her skirt over her hips, while his eyes were locked with hers. A sensual dance, that neither of them could stop. The wet fabric of her skirt hit the bathroom floor with a heavy smack, and Marlena stood in front of him, wearing only thigh-high stockings and a simple bra and panty set of white cotton eyelet fabric with a small pink bow on the panties, and the center of her bra. John swallowed thickly. His first impulse was to engulf her breast in the heat of his mouth. The cotton was soaked through, giving the barest hint of her erect dusky nipples, and the shadow of dark hair at the vee of her thighs. 

Marlena shivered again, and John shook his head. Standing up, he reached around her, pulling her closer than necessary, and unclasped her bra, letting it fall to the floor. Marlena stared up at him, saying nothing, breathing heavily. John knew she was turned on. She was aroused. He could tell by her eyes, by the scent of her body, but he’d promised her, he wouldn’t push her. If anything happened between them, it would be because Marlena wanted it. 

“Take the panties off, Doc.” John turned to stop the flow of water into the tub, and he couldn’t stop himself from glancing back, and scanning over her body. She shivered again, and John reached for her hip, feeling her cold skin on the heat of his palm, “C’mon, baby, get in the tub.”

Marlena stepped by him, her body brushing his, and she felt his cock against her hip. He took her hand, helping her into the fragrant tub, and Marlena lowered herself into the water, “Oh, G-d, that feels good…”

John’s cock twitched at her moan. The sight of her naked, in his bathtub…his cock got even harder. Without thought he pushed against it, trying to release some of the pressure. Their eyes caught again, and Marlena smiled. She knew what she was doing to him, and John loved it. The perfect torture was being so close to her naked body, and unable to touch her. John noticed her lips still had a blue tinge, and he said with a rough voice, “We’ve got to get your body warmed up. Sink down into the water, Doc.”

Marlena shivered violently, and moaned again, sinking into the water, until her shoulders were covered. It felt amazing, but then she started feeling tingles all over her flesh as she started warming up. Small pinpricks of pain rising to the surface of her skin. She hadn’t known how close she was to hypothermia until that moment. Downstairs, a knock sounded on the door, and Marlena glanced up at John with wide eyes, “If—if it’s Roman, I’m not here.”

“Doc, if anyone asks me right now, you’re not here. This looks…”

“Compromising?” she asked him.

“Yeah, something like that,” he murmured.

Marlena was quiet for a moment, staring into his eyes, “Maybe it is…compromising.”

It was John’s turn to shiver at the implications of her words, and he whispered, “Stay up here. I’ll get rid of whoever it is.” John left the bathroom just as another knock sounded downstairs.

Marlena sank deeper into the tub, completely immersing her head, and allowing the scent of vanilla to surround her. Rising from the heated water, she moaned again. It felt so good. Looking around, she reached for the shampoo, and began to wash her hair, intent on getting the styling products, and rain water out of it. 

Downstairs, John looked around, noting Marlena’s coat laying over a stool near the kitchen counter. He picked it up, and hung it in his closet, hiding it from prying eyes. Pushing his palm against his swollen length again, John willed his body to cooperate. Sliding the loft door open, he saw Rebecca standing there. “Rebecca,” he said slowly. “I didn’t expect to see you here so late.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t call,” she said with false sincerity. “Is Brady asleep?”

“Brady’s down for the night,” John said softly. “I got him to sleep about an hour and a half ago.”

Rebecca smiled at John, touching the arm he had casually leaned against the doorframe, blocking her entrance, “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

John wasn’t sure what to do, so he stepped back, saying, “I was just planning to go to sleep.”

“Alone?” she asked.

John looked at her for a moment, and he said, “No one else is here…so yes, alone.” He willed his cock to calm down, and prayed Rebecca wouldn’t notice that he was partially erect in his sweatpants. 

Rebecca stepped closer to him, raking her fingernails over the cotton of his shirt, trying her best to be seductive, “I’m here.”

John smiled down at her, “You are…but, I have an early meeting to be up for, and this man needs his beauty sleep.”

Rebecca saw the water where it pooled on the floor, and asked with feigned innocence, “Was someone here?”

“They were,” John said, studying Rebecca curiously, “…but they left.”

“Oh,” was her only response. What else could she say? She knew he was lying. She could call him on it, but she wasn’t going to. Not right then. Stepping closer, she kissed his lips softly, and she murmured, “I want you so much, John. It’s all I could think about on my way over, and I’m not one to beat around the bush. I go after what I want.”

John’s palm cupped her shoulder gently, and he smiled at her, “Maybe another time, Rebecca. I really do need to get some sleep.”

As he walked her towards the door, she was roiling with rage inside. He was turning her down. He had Marlena Brady somewhere in his loft, and was lying about it. Why would he do that? There could be a simple answer, a friend helping a friend. Marlena had been upset. But in Rebecca’s mind, the way John had looked around before pulling Marlena inside, spoke volumes. The other thing that spoke volumes, the half hard cock he was sporting in his sweatpants. Rebecca turned to face him, threading her fingers into his hair, saying, “Maybe, I can come by in the morning, and make breakfast for you and Brady?”

“Tomorrow isn’t going to work,” John told her. “But I’ll give you a call after my meeting.”

Rebecca kissed him again, slowly, trying to draw it out for as long as possible. It was obvious to her that John was rushing her out, but there was nothing she could do to stop it, “You promise you’ll call?”

“I promise,” he said, kissing her cheek. 

Rebecca smiled, and watched as John closed the door. Once it was locked, he leaned against it, and sighed. Wiping the back of his hand over his mouth, John made his way upstairs. Rebecca stood outside his loft knowing there was nothing she could do but go home. As she walked away, she was trembling with rage.

Marlena had just finished washing her body, when John knocked softly on the door, “Doc?”

“I’m done,” she said softly. “Do you have a towel or a bathrobe?”

There’s a bathrobe hanging on the back of the door,” he said.

Marlena stared at the dark green, terrycloth robe, feeling herself anticipate wrapping herself in something he’d worn so recently. “Who was here?” Marlena asked, stepping out of the bathtub.

“Rebecca,” he replied, sitting on the end of his bed. His mind conjured images of water trailing over her body. He could hear the slosh of water, and in his minds eye, he saw water dripping from her breasts, and sliding over her rounded hips. His cock throbbed, and John pushed his palm against it.

Marlena was quiet, as she wrapped John’s robe around her body. The dark musky scent of his cologne surrounded her, and she took another deep breath, breathing him in. Marlena was irritated. Rebecca had been there, and at 9 o’clock, it was definitely not a visit to simply say hello. She exited the bathroom, looking down at him, and said, “That’s it?”

John told her calmly, “She was hoping to…um, spend the night.”

Marlena’s gut clenched. John was hers…and yet he wasn’t hers. She was quiet again, finally asking, “Have you made love to Rebecca?”

“No,” he said. “But would it really matter, Doc? Aren’t we moving on with our lives? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“It’s hard, John. I know, I said that, and I know I’ll likely keep saying that…but the thought of your hands on her body. The thought of you touching her…the way you’ve touched me…it makes me jealous,” she whispered, sitting beside him. “It makes me so jealous.”

“Do you want me to stop seeing her?” John asked her. If Marlena wanted him to stop seeing Rebecca he would do that. He wasn’t attached to her. She was fun, intelligent, and good with Brady, but he didn’t have the connection with Rebecca that he had with Marlena. She was nothing more than a diversion, from the woman he really wanted. The woman sitting next to him. 

“No—no, that’s not fair,” she said, even as she wanted to beg him to stop seeing Rebecca. But Marlena knew it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to go home to Roman, and try and make her marriage work, while expecting John to be alone. 

John reached out, touching Marlena’s face softly, while slipping his hand underneath her hair. He murmured, “You’re warm again.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, staring at him.

John wanted to kiss her. He wanted to push her body back onto his bed, and untie the belt on his robe. He wanted to slide his hand over her soft belly, and grip her hip. He groaned low in his throat, and stood up quickly. John started looking through a drawer, “Let me find you something to wear.”

“Did she kiss you?” Marlena asked, stepping closer to him. Her heart pounded. She stared at him, and she wanted to pull his mouth to hers. She wanted to kiss him, and feel his rough hands on her soft skin.

He was rummaging through a drawer, and stopped in his movements, and said, without looking at her, “She did.”

Marlena wasn’t sure where her bravery came from, but she had made up her mind when she’d knocked on the door to his loft. She whispered, “You need to brush your teeth before you kiss me.”

John’s eyes caught hers and locked. He asked her with a smile, “I’m going to be kissing you?”

She slid her hand along the bottom edge of John’s t-shirt, allowing her fingers underneath to graze the soft skin of his lower back. John felt his cock twitch, and he groaned. Marlena said softly, “John…I want you.”

“Doc,” he said. “Doc are you sure?”

“What did you say, John? What did you tell me?

His breath caught in his chest, and he was barely able to say, “Whatever terms you want…”

Her hand smoothed over his hot skin, and she whispered, “I’m so confused. I’m so sad, tired, and angry all of the time. I’m tired of fighting with Roman. I’m tired of fighting at all…I just know…that right now, I want you. When I’m with you, all of those emotions go away, and it’s just you and me. I can’t think about anything else, John. Nothing else but, your hands on my body, and your breath in my ear. Please.”

John asked her softly, “You want me to make love to you?”

“Yes…yes.”

His cock was surging, and the ache was growing. John touched her face, and whispered, “And all I have to do is brush my teeth?”

“Yes.”

John stared at her, and taking control, he said, “I want you on the bed, naked, when I come out of the bathroom, Doc. I want you wet, and swollen for me.”

“I already am,” she whispered.

John smacked her ass, a dull thump on the thick terrycloth robe, and he leaned down, whispering gruffly in her ear, “Good girl.”

A million memories flooded her mind, and she said softly, “For you, John…I’ll always be a good girl.”

John groaned, “Fuck, baby. Get on the bed. I want you to tease your clit until I get back.”

Chapter 5

John’s eyes landed on Marlena’s body when he exited the bathroom. She’d propped herself against his pillows, and he knees were bent, spread wide. He nearly collapsed, watching her, with one hand rubbing against her clit and the other with three fingers buried in her pussy. John stepped closer, and she paused in her movements, looking up at him with arousal blown eyes. John said roughly, “Don’t stop.”

Marlena continued to fuck herself with her fingers. Pulling them out slowly, she whispered, “Do you want to taste me?” 

John watched her stretch her hand towards him, her fingers glistening with her arousal, and he groaned. Leaning forward his lips opened wide, closing around her wet fingers, and he sucked them clean, while staring down at her swollen, and wet pussy. “Fuck, Doc,” he rasped. “I’ve wanted you in my bed for weeks. I’ve wanted to have you all to myself, so I could go slow, and do whatever I wanted to you…whatever I want.”

Marlena gasped, remembering when they were married. The way he played her body, and the things he’d done to her. Things no one had before, or since, “Oh…whatever you want.”

It had been so long since he’d allowed himself to play with his darker side. With Marlena, and only with Marlena, had they explored freely. John stood up, going to his closet, pulling down a box with a combination lock. Marlena shivered in anticipation, she whispered again, “Whatever you want, John.”

He turned around, holding a chrome plug in his hand. The end had a perfectly cut purple gem on it, “There are things I’ve done to your body, Doc, that I have never done with anyone else. Things I’ve never wanted to do with anyone else.”

She recognized what was in his hand. He bought it for her as a surprise, years ago. Since her return home, she had dreamt of it once, and woke feeling an ache deep inside her, wondering if John had thrown it away. He hadn’t. He held it in his hand, and Marlena felt her center clench. Wetness dripped from her body onto the comforter underneath her. She asked him softly, “Only me?”

John crawled onto the bed slowly, laying between her legs. Licking wetness from her inner thigh, he took the plug, sliding the cool metal along the lips of her pussy with slow motions, covering it in her arousal. Viscous fluid slid along the crease of her ass, and John started pushing the plug against her hole. Marlena’s head rolled, and John whispered, “Relax, baby…let me in.”

The sensation made her moan, “It’s been so long…John.”

“Relax for me, Doc…just like you used to. It will slide right in,” he breathed. His hot breath washed over her inner thighs, and he watched her pussy clench at his dirty words. “Does Roman play with your ass, Doc?”

“Oh, G-d!” she cried, pushing her pelvis up and balancing on her heels. “No, no, no…no, John..only-only you. Only ever you!”

He pushed the plug against her with more force, rolling it around her hole, using her ample wetness for lubrication. “I put this in your ass one night—”

Marlena gasped, her fingers clenching in the blanket beneath her, “—the hospital benefit. Oh, John! I remember.”

“Do you remember?”

“Yes,” she gasped, feeling the chrome push into her body. The pressure was a pain, and an ache, and pleasure combined. She pushed down on it, wanting John to push harder. She wanted to feel the slide of it entering her body. She wanted to feel it pop into place, “John!”

“All night I watched you squirm in your seat. Your pupils were blown the whole evening, and If I’m correct, you orgasmed during desert, didn’t you baby?”

The plug finally slid into her ass, seated deeply, and Marlena cried out, “John! John! Please!”

His flat palm smacked her pussy, and Marlena cried out again, as he said, “No! I’ve had you in Victor’s plane…in the Jeep…and it’s been rushed. I don’t want that tonight, Doc. I’m not rushing this.”

The ache inside her was so deep, it bordered on painful, “I need—I need to come…”

“You want me to help you? Or do you want me to watch you,” he asked her. “Because, Doc, we both know you like both.”

“I want you..”

“Fuck, yes, Doc. That’s the right answer,” he moaned. His tongue flattened and he licked the length of her slit, starting at the plug, and ending with a flick over her clit. John’s mouth latched on to her clit, and began to suck, with soft pulling motions, while he twisted and teased her ass with the plug inside her. “Come for me, pretty lady.” 

He pulled the plug partway out, only to push it back inside roughly. Marlena’s head rolled to the side, “John…oh, John…you make me feel so good.”

“Because, as much as you deny it, baby, this body is mine,” he rasped. He pulled the plug out completely, and Marlena screamed. He sucked at her clit almost violently, and pushed the plug back into her body. Marlena’s orgasm rolled over her so fast, she thought she might pass out. Her nails scratched at John’s nape, and she pulled his hair, trying to get his mouth closer to her sex. Marlena’s legs shook violently, and then she collapsed, taking gasping breaths. 

John smiled at her up the length of her body, and leaned up pulling his t-shirt over his head, using it to wipe his face. Reaching down, he started to pull the plug from her body, and she rasped breathlessly, “No…leave it.”

John smiled at her with an arched eyebrow, and twisted the chrome, giving it a quick flick with his fingers. Marlena arched up, reveling in the pleasurable fullness. “You like that, don’t you, baby? You miss it?”

“Yes,” she whispered. Reaching for him, she said, “Take your pants off, John…I want to taste you.”

Just the image of his cock buried in her mouth had his blood surging. Marlena slid down slightly against the pillows, and pulled his hand, “C’mer.”

Her words were less clear, less controlled, and John smiled remembering what she was like after an incredible orgasm. He straddled her body, brining the length of his cock closer to her mouth, and he watched as Marlena wrapped her small hand around his length. His hips bucked slightly, when her tongue lapped over his tip, moaning in pleasure at the taste of his arousal dripping from him. John moaned loudly, when her other hand cupped his balls, pulling them down, “Fuck, Doc!”

She stared up at him, watching his head roll back, before his eyes came back to her, “G-d, John…you taste so good.” She licked over him again, before she took him into her mouth. 

And when she moaned in pleasure, John’s hips bucked. John watched as her eyes watered slightly, but then she took more of him into her. He filled her throat, and felt her swallow around his length, “Oh! Fuck! Marlena!” The slide of her mouth along his cock, and the way her eyes stared into his soul, had John ready to orgasm within minutes. He pulled his cock from her mouth, breathing heavily, and Marlena’s fingernails scraped over the backs of his thighs.

“I want more,” she told him. “Just a little more…please.”

John guided his cock back into her mouth, and the heat of her, the wet glide of her lips over him, combined with the slightest scrape of her teeth over the tip, “Fuck…fuck…Doc, not much longer…I can’t…”

He pulled himself from her mouth for a second time, and she groaned, “Come in my mouth.”

“No,” he told her, grabbing her hips, and pulling her down the bed. “I have other plans for this body tonight.”

John stretched out beside Marlena, the length of his naked body against her. His hand roamed over her hips, and her abdomen, finally cupping her breast, and pointing her erect nipple towards his mouth. Marlena arched towards him, “Suck it.”

“You want my mouth on your breasts? I could suck your nipples until you come…you like that don’t you?” John asked her, before leaning his head down, and flicking his tongue over her nipple. “I remember sucking on you, and pulling at your breast, just to see if it was possible. The bed was so wet when I finished, and my cock slid into you like a fucking glove.”

Marlena’s core clenched in want, “Please…”

Latching his lips around her nipple, John’s other hand started to pull and pluck at her breast. His cock was so hard, it was painful, and he found himself pushing into her hip, just to release some of the pressure. Marlena started rolled her hips against him, and John smiled, realizing that she was fucking the plug in her ass. Pulling off of her breast he said, “I know what you’re doing, baby, and it’s hot as hell.”

“I need to come again,” she whispered. “There’s an ache inside me.”

“I love you when you’re out of control, when all you can think about is your next orgasm, and I’m the one who determines if you get it.”

“John, Please!” she cried.

His mouth licked over her lips, as she cried into him, bucking her hips. John reached down between her legs, and gripped the plug, knocking it roughly with his fingers, “You like that, Marlena?” He pulled on it, letting it slip from her body, and Marlena screamed into the silent room. He heard Brady shuffle around on the baby monitor, and he said, “Doc, you’ve got to keep it down.”

“Oh, G-d! Oh, G-d…I can’t!” she cried. John swirled the shiny plug in the wetness dripping over her ass, and slid it back inside her. “Fuck!” she wailed. 

John’s mouth devoured her, absorbing her cries, as he continued to pull, and play with her ass. He felt her body clench, and her legs tremble, and she was lost to another orgasm, screaming her pleasure into his soul. When she collapsed onto the bed in exhaustion, John stared down at her, whispering, “I’m going to make love to you.” He flicked the plug again, “You want me to take this out…or leave it?”

Her eyes were the brightest greens and golds he had ever seen, and she whispered, “Leave it in. Oh, G-d, John, please…leave it in.”

Spreading her legs wide, so wide he could see the lamplight glistening off of the gemstone peeking from her, John groaned, “I’m gonna make you feel so good, Doc.”

He slid his length into her, slowly, and Marlena felt so full, she knew it was only a matter of time before she would come again. John pulled out, slowly entering her, and she whispered, for the first time since they’d spoken on the pier, “I love you…oh, G-d, John! I love you!”

John kissed along her jaw, biting her cheek roughly, unable to stop himself. Marlena’s fingers scraped over his back, and John moaned into her, “I love you, Doc. I will always love you.”

She felt so full, and she licked across his mouth, saying softly, “Make love to me, John.”

He started to move, so slowly at first, but he couldn’t hold back. He felt the pressure building quickly, and he whispered in Marlena’s ear, “I don’t think I’m going to last long. I can’t…fuck, baby, this feels so good.”

“Harder,” she rasped, biting his neck, and sucking at his skin. “Oh, John…please! Harder!”

He could feel the plug rubbing against the underside of his cock, and it was the most exquisite pleasure. His hips picked up pace, and John rolled onto his back, pulling Marlena on top of him. He was so deep inside her, and when she started rolling her hips over him, he was lost in a haze of rapture. Pulling her body against his, his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips, rocking her against him, over and over again. He felt himself on the edge, but when Marlena bit his collarbone, the pain shot through his body, and he arched against her, screaming, “Oh, fuck, Marlena!”

John’s orgasm, and his violent reaction, triggered Marlena’s, and as her pussy clenched, and rolled over his length, she felt like she may have blacked out from the momentum. Her skin covered in a haze of sweat, rested atop his. Neither one of them moved. Neither one of them spoke. For the first time in over an hour, Marlena thought of Roman, her husband. The guilt filled her, but she pushed it down. She wasn’t going to think about it right then. Her fingers slid up John’s chest, and she absorbed everything he was to her, while thinking about everything he could be. She thought of her family, and the people this would hurt, and she pushed it all down.

John rolled them onto their sides, and he knew she was was feeling guilty. Instead of telling her he loved her, he stroked her body, and kissed her skin softly, until they fell asleep in each others arms, because John had promised her, whatever terms she wanted.

Chapter 6

John was roused from a deep sleep around midnight, when he heard pounding on the loft door. He reached for Marlena, feeling nothing but empty coldness beside him, saying softly, “Doc?”

She was gone. Marlena had left him sometime in the last two hours. Wiping his hand over his face roughly, John threw his legs over the side of the bed. The pounding on the door started up again, louder this time, and John could hear Brady whining on the baby monitor. Pulling his sweatpants on, John descended the stairs, muttering to himself, “Who the fuck is pounding on my damned door?”

He was frustrated that Marlena had snuck away in the night, but not surprised. He’d known that the guilt of what she’d done would hit at some point. What he was surprised about was sliding his loft door open to find an incredibly angry Roman Brady standing there. 

“Where the fuck is my wife?” Roman demanded.

John stared at him with a bland expression, “Not here.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Roman said. “My family hasn’t seen her, and she’s not at the Salem Inn. So, she must have come here.”

“She’s not here, Roman, but you have succeeded in waking Brady in the middle of the night,” John told him. “So, get away from my door, and go home.”

Roman noticed deep red scratches circling John’s neck. John knew Roman suspected something. Why else would the man be blustering at his door in the middle of the night? Maybe Marlena sneaking away had been the right decision, even if it hurt him.

Roman asked, “Has she called you, or contacted you at all?”

“If she did, I wouldn’t tell you, because obviously something happened. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be searching for her, now would you?”

Roman couldn’t say anything. He had no response. John Black had been nothing but a thorn in his side since he’d come home. The fact that John had lived his life for seven year, while he had been rotting in a cell in San Cristobal…well, that was something Roman couldn’t seem to get over. There was a simmering rage inside him whenever he thought of it. His wife, his family, and his children all believed that John was him. How was that even possible? It made him feel betrayed, as if he was a stranger to his own family. 

John watched Roman turn on his heel and walk towards the elevator. Closing his loft door, John locked it, and headed upstairs to get Brady, who was in a full wail. He was muttering to himself, “Now where the fuck did Doc go?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Kim opened her door, ushering Marlena inside, “Where were you? Roman called here hours ago looking for you.” Kim looked her over. Marlena was wearing sweatpants and a Salem PD sweatshirt that was very familiar to her. Kim said softly, “You were with John?”

“Not for the whole time. I left, and went to the pier,” Marlena said softly. “I argued with Roman again. I started feel so suffocated, as if I couldn’t get enough air in my body—”

“—a panic attack,” Kim said quietly, guiding Marlena towards the couch. “You shouldn’t be at the pier this late. It’s dangerous. Do you even know what time it is?”

“Close to dawn,” Marlena replied. Exhaustion lined her features, and even though Kim suspected what might have occurred between Marlena and John, she said nothing about it. Reaching for the other woman’s hand, Kim led her upstairs to the guest room.

Marlena crawled into bed, and said, “Please…don’t tell Roman…about my going to see John. It will just make things worse.”

Kim smoothed the hair back from Marlena’s face, and said, “I won’t, but Marlena, I think we both know what’s going on, and you need—you need to make a decision. You can’t love them both…you can’t have them both.”

“You’re right,” Marlena murmured, already falling asleep. “I have to end it…but I won’t—I won’t regret it.”

Kim wasn’t sure of Marlena and John were already involved in a full fledged affair, but she suspected that they were. Closing the door softly behind her, she saw Shane standing there, waiting for her. He looked at her with concern, “Kim, Roman called here earlier looking for Marlena, and I said she wasn’t here.”

“She wasn’t here then…now she is,” Kim said. “But if Roman calls again, or comes by, can you—can you say she was here the whole time?”

Shane followed his wife into their bedroom, “Kim! Roman is a friend of mine! He’s your brother! You want me to lie to him?”

“Marlena is my friend…and John is also my brother!” she said emphatically. “Marlena is on the precipice right now Shane. She’s depressed, she’s lost weight, and all Roman does is point out faults he sees in her and…the arguments…G-d, Shane the arguments are slowly killing her. I can see it in her eyes…she needs time. Time to make a decision.”

“So, they’re having an affair?” he asked her quietly, following Kim into their bedroom.

She turned to face him, “I think so…I don’t know…maybe? But Marlena sees me for therapy, and I can’t breach that trust. I can’t. I wish you weren’t being pulled into it, Shane.”

Shane tugged his wife into his arms, kissing her softly, “As far as I know, I found out this morning that she’d been here all night, asleep upstairs.”

Kim touched her husbands face softly, “Thank you.”

In the bedroom, Marlena climbed into bed, smelling John’s musky cologne on his sweatshirt. She knew it was juvenile, but she sprayed some on the sleeve before she left, needing to have a piece of him with her. Every time he touched her, every time he kissed her, another piece of her soul belonged to him. At what point did she give up on a marriage that was slowly destroying her? At what point did she allow her whole affair to blow up in their faces, and face the fact that she wanted to be with John?

Marlena started crying. It would destroy her family. Thoughts of Roman came to her mind. How much she had loved him when they were married. How his blustery, and bossy ways had been endearing. Since his return those same traits were suffocating. Had Roman changed? Or had she changed? Maybe both. Roman had believed he was fighting to get back to his family. Marlena, no matter what she said, fought to get back to John. She’d believed him to be Roman, but it was John’s face she dreamt of, John’s voice, John’s hands. As she fell asleep, she still had tears seeping from her eyes, soaking the cotton pillowcase beneath her head.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena opened the front door to her house wearing a jogging set Kim loaned her. She had stashed John’s clothes in another bag, in the trunk of her car. Roman’s back was facing her, as he roared into the telephone, “Kim! Someone should have called me! I was worried to death! Shane said she wasn’t there!” He was quiet for a moment, then asked incredulously, “You’re husband had no idea that Marlena was upstairs asleep?” 

Marlena set her purse, down, almost dropping it, when she heard Roman say, “I was banging on John’s door at midnight. He was a fucking asshole about it. Said even if he knew where she was he wouldn’t tell me. I don’t know what you see in him.”

Marlena cleared her throat, and Roman turned around, telling Kim, “I gotta go. Doc just walked in.”

Marlena looked at her husband solemnly, “I can’t argue with you anymore. Not today.”

Roman seemed taken aback, “Is that what you think? All we do is argue?”

“Roman, that is all we do,” Marlena told him. “I have to go get ready for work. I have a patient going in for surgery in a few hours, and her anxiety is so bad, I promised to scrub in and be with her until she went under anesthesia.”

“Well reschedule it!” Roman demanded. “We need to talk about last night! You had me worried all night, Doc. I called all of our family. I went banging on John’s door!”

“That wasn’t necessary,” she told him, turning to walk upstairs. “But we’ll talk later. I can’t reschedule someone else’s surgery.”

At her back, Roman roared, “Now you listen to me—”

Marlena turned quickly, on the landing, staring down into her husbands face, and she screamed, “—No! You listen to me! For once, Roman, you listen! You don’t own me, or the children. We are not property! We have feelings, and emotions that you have no right to dictate! None! Whether you acknowledge it or not, I am Carrie’s mother, and Anna would likely agree! When we thought you’d died, Anna allowed Carrie to stay with me, because she knew…she knew, that I was the best parent at that time. You had no right yesterday, no right to cut me out of the equation, simply because you didn’t like what I had to say!”

Marlena turned and started up the rest of the stairs. Roman stood for a second, dumbfounded, before following her. “Doc, that’s not what I meant!” he said loudly. “I just want, once, just once, for you to stand with me when it comes to Carrie!”

“If it hurts her, or if there’s another way to get the same result…one that doesn’t hurt her as much, then Roman, I can’t,” she said. Marlena glanced at the clock, and said, “I have to get ready to go.”

“Who has surgery on a Sunday? I’ve never heard of that!”

“A woman who has extreme anxiety, and can barely function, Roman, that’s who. Mike Horton agreed to do her surgery on the day when the hospital is least busy. It’s called an accommodation!” Marlena was loosing her patience, or maybe she’d lost it when she walked though the front door. Rummaging through her dresser drawer, she pulled out a rose pink satin, lace edged teddy, and then went to the closet to find the wrap-around dress she was looking for. It was dressy enough for getting into work, and changing into scrubs, only to wear it back home.

Roman stood there, watching her, and blurted out, “Why can’t you wear what you’ve got on?”

“I still have to look professional,” she told him, pulling out a pair of beige lace topped thigh-high stockings. “This is comfortable.” 

Marlena snatched up the teddy, and went into the bathroom, almost slamming the door, while Roman sank to the end of the bed. She had been begging him to be home more often, to eat dinner with the family, to be more involved in Eric and Sami’s extracurriculars, and he knew he always had an excuse. He was either working, or too tired because of working. Maybe he should work less, delegate the work load. He wasn’t sure, but he knew his wife was unhappy. Loudly, he said, “Look Doc, about that trip you wanted to take…maybe I can look into finding some time off.”

Marlena was in the restroom, glancing over her body. Most of the bruises were covered. John had feasted on her breasts, her inner thighs and lower abdomen were dotted with marks he’d made with his mouth; however, the bruise on her hip, she couldn’t hide. The one where John’s fingers had dug into her soft flesh, as he’d pulled her body to rock over his. She felt her pussy begin to throb, and a pearl of wetness escaped her. Marlena willed her body to stop. Taking a deep breath she exited the bathroom, and walked by Roman, sitting on the other side of the bed. 

Reaching for a stocking, she started to slip it over her long leg. Roman turned, watching his wife dress, and felt his body reacting, “You’re gorgeous, Doc.”

She didn’t respond, instead slipping the other stocking up her leg. The room was pregnant with silence, as Roman stood up, coming closer. He murmured, tugging her hand and pulling her up to stand in front of him. He touched her face softly, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I take you for granted, and I’m sorry I have high expectations.”

High expectations? Marlena stepped away from him quickly, reaching for her dress, the soft black fabric nearly slipping through her fingers. She looked at Roman with heat in her eyes, “Is that what you call it? High expectations?”

“Doc! I don’t want to argue anymore!”

“Because you want to have sex?” she asked him. “This sudden change, the concession for going away…the way you’re looking at my body right now…”

“We haven’t made love since the night of our anniversary!”

“I’m not making love, because you’ve decided you have time for me on a Sunday afternoon,” she said, slipping her arms into the dress. 

Roman stopped her, grabbing her wrist, and his fingers brushed over the bruise on her hip, “What happened here, Doc?”

Her breath caught for a second. “A table. I ran into a table last night, in Kimberly’s guest room,” she told him, a little disturbed that the lie flowed so easily from her lips. Tying the dress, she looked at her reflection in the mirror over her dresser. Making sure everything was in order, she said, “I have to do my make-up before I go.”

“What about your hair?” Roman asked her, knowing that she didn’t often allow her natural curls to dominate.

Marlena looked at her hair in the mirror, remembering John’s hands wrapped in it, pulling her head back, as he licked along the column of her neck, and she said with a small smile, “I’m fine with the curls today.”

Marlena walked away from him, entering the bathroom again, and left Roman standing there. From the bathroom she said, “Sami needs to be picked up at 2 and Eric at 2:30, if you don’t mind.”

He was instantly irritated. Why did she just assume that he could do that? He didn’t know why he said it, but Roman replied, “I’ve got to go into work for a little bit. That’s not going to be possible.”

Marlena didn’t respond until she’d finished her make-up. She exited the bathroom to find her husband still standing where she’d left him. She stared at him for a second, and said, “I have to go, Roman, so I need you to figure it out.” She turned and left, leaving Roman dumbfounded for the second time the day.

Chapter 7

Marlena stepped out of surgery, intent on getting to her office and changing her clothes, so she could go home and spend time with the twins. Just as she rounded the corner near the nurses supply room, an arm reached out, pulling her inside, and closed the door. The room was dim, lit only by the light streaming under the door, but she knew it was John. His scent surrounded her, and almost instantaneously, she felt her body begin to react. 

“John, we can’t be in here,” she whispered.

“You ran out on me last night, Doc,” he murmured. “You didn’t even leave a note.”

“I’m sorry…I—was feeling so guilty, and I thought, I thought it might be better if I wasn’t there, in case, Roman came looking for me.”

“Oh, he came looking for you,” he said, stepping closer. “He was banging on my door at midnight. He woke Brady.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

She turned to open the door, intent on leaving, but John gripped her arm, saying softly in her ear, “Don’t go.”

“I—I have to go,” she whispered.

His hands moved to her hips, holding her steady with softness and forcefulness combined, and he pressed his body against her back in the darkness, “Please…don’t go.”

“John, we can’t be in here. It’s a supply closet, anyone could—” She moaned when John’s palm cupped her center over the top of her scrub pants. “Oh…not here…not here…someone could—”

“—not here? But somewhere else, Doc? Your office?”

Marlena couldn’t think straight, her body was screaming for him, while her mind was telling her they couldn’t keep doing this. 

He squeezed her mound harder, pushing against her clit through the thin cotton, and asked her, “Will you speak with me in your office?”

“You want to talk? Because John…oh!” She cried out softly when he squeezed her again. She could feel wetness seep from her pussy, and she rasped out, barely above a whisper. “John this is not a precursor to talking.”

“The things I could do to you in here, baby…” 

Marlena’s breath caught, when his fingers began pulling at the tie to her pants. Her hands moved to stop him, but when he slipped his hand inside, pushing the leg to her teddy aside, she was lost to sensation. The pad of his finger rubbed over her clit, and he murmured in her ear, “You’re wet.”

“John…stop,” she whispered. But then she rolled her hips, seeking out the friction of his fingers as they slid over her most sensitive part.

“Do you really want me to stop, Doc?”

“Yes…oh…no, but we can’t do this here.”

“If you come for me, I’ll stop,” he murmured.

Her pelvis rocked against his hand, as his forbidden words rolled over her, “John…”

His mouth was on her neck, “Tell me we can talk in your office.”

“We won’t be talking,” she whined. “Oh, G-d…”

“I want you,” he told her, licking over her ear. “I want you in your office…”

Marlena started to push his hand away from her sex, but he rubbed her clit harder, “Come on my hand, Doc. Now.” His thumb pushed hard against her clit, and she was lost in a combination of forbidden lust, and the forcefulness of his words. Her body took over, her muscles clenching, as moisture slid from her body, coating his fingers. She’d orgasmed, but it wasn’t enough. 

Slowly pulling his hand from her pants, Marlena watched with drowsy eyes as John licked his fingers clean. She was still aching, a deep throb inside of her, but she knew. She knew she needed to end this. 

She straightened her clothing, and attempted to smooth her hair. Staring up at him, she whispered, “My office. Five minutes.”

Mike Horton thought it was odd when he saw Marlena exit the nurses supply room. He arched an eyebrow when he saw John Black exit the same room less than five minutes later. He didn’t know what was going on, and he didn’t want to know, but when Rebecca Morrison approached him a few minutes later, asking if he’d seen John, he found himself replying, “I think he left after the board meeting.”

Rebecca sighed in frustration, “I must have just missed him. I’ll check his loft. Thank you, Dr. Horton.”

Mike continued his paperwork with a muttered, “Your welcome.”

Victor had seen it all. He watched John pull Marlena into the supply room, and he’d seen her exit nearly ten minutes later. Her cheeks were bright and she seemed dazed. Victor had smiled when John exited, and headed in the direction of Marlena’s office. He was intrigued, and he had a fairly good idea of what was happening between the two of them. If he guessed right, he supposed the esteemed Dr. Mike Horton did as well. 

If Victor wanted to fix any wrong he’d committed, it was what he’d done to John. The Pawn would continue to be the biggest regret of his life, but maybe…just maybe, he could do something to make up for that. Something in the form of Marlena Brady.

John knocked on the door of Marlena’s office, and then slowly slid the door open, “Doc?”

She stood by the window. She had changed back into her regular clothes, and John eyes scanned over her lithe form. Closing the door behind him, Marlena flinched when she heard him turn the lock on the door. She glanced over at him, and John whispered, “You are so fucking perfect.”

“John,” she said with tears in her eyes. “We can’t—we can’t keep doing this.”

“I love you,” he told her, approaching her carefully, afraid she would bolt.
“But you shouldn’t…”

“You love me,” he whispered. “And being this close to you, but not touching you, is almost painful.”

Marlena turned to him, her eyes wide with fear, and arousal, “No! No! We can’t keep doing this, John! I’m married to Roman, and it’s falling apart. I have to—to try and fix that! For the twins…for me!”

“Maybe we made the wrong choices, Doc,” John told her. “It didn’t matter that I married Isabella, when I dreamt of you.”

Marlena stared at him in disbelief, “No!”

“Yes,” he said softly. “I would lie in bed with her in my arms, and wake up crying out your name. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t control it.”

“That must have hurt her so badly.”

John stepped closer, and Marlena stepped back, “Do you dream of me, Doc? Do you dream of my hands and my mouth on your body, while you lie in bed with Roman?”

“John, please stop this.”

“Just answer the question, Marlena. Do you dream about me?”

“Yes,” she said softly. “Yes…but I have to let you go. I have to let you live your life, and I have to live mine. I made vows! Before G-d! I’m married to Roman.”

“Doc! You made those same vows to me!” John cried. “And much more recently!”

Marlena started crying, “I know! I know…but, Roman—Roman came home!”

“And what? Everything we were to each other…everything we meant to each other was just over. As if it never was?”

“No! But, Roman came home,” she repeated helplessly. “And you—you had a chance! You had a chance, John, and the choice wasn’t me! It wasn’t me!”

He was silent for a moment, confused about what she was referencing, and then he realized, it was Isabella. He hadn’t known how much he’d hurt her, when she came home. Stepping closer he said lamely, “I’m sorry.”

“I was so scared, and so lost…I just wanted my family. I wanted you to love me, but you wouldn’t…maybe you couldn’t…I don’t know! But it hurt, John. It hurt so much! So don’t stand here, and pretend I was your first choice!”

“Shit,” John said, running his fingers through his hair. “No, G-d, no, Doc. That’s not how it was. I was so…I was so fucking scared when you came home. I loved you…I’d loved you so hard that losing you nearly destroyed me. I was scared. I was a coward, Doc, but it had nothing to do with not wanting you. I wanted you so badly it scared the hell out of me.” He reached out for her, touching her face gently, wiping the tears from her cheeks, “I wanted you so badly, it hurt sometimes to look at you. But I would have nightmares…nightmares where I’d wake up thinking you weren’t real, and a pain so deep it was physical, would lance my chest, and I’d find myself peeking into your room…just to make sure you were real.”

“You would have known that already if you’d slept beside me!” she cried. “I was your wife!”

Marlena turned away from him, and walked back towards the window, and John followed her saying, “I would sleep in the guest room across the hall and fantasize about crawling into your bed.”

“But you didn’t, John. You barely touched me. Every decision you made during those months after I came home, had me doubting our love,” she whispered. “And now…now you pursue me relentlessly, even when I ask you to stop.”

“I did stop, Doc! But you came to me last night!”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she whispered. “This affair…it needs to stop. We…we made our choices in Mexico.”

“Did we?” John asked her softly. “Or did we do what everyone expected?”

“What?”

“If Isabella wasn’t pregnant…if Roman hadn’t been so damaged…would we have made the same decisions?”
“We—we can’t think like that, John! Thinking like that will get us in trouble, very bad trouble!”

John stepped closer, placing his large palms on her shoulders gently, “Doc, we’re already in trouble.”

Marlena thought about Mexico as the warmth of John’s hands pulled her closer. Abe, Bo, Carly…all of them with expectations. She’d had mere hours to process the truth, and the whole time it had felt as if the decision was already made for her. Isabella and Roman considered it a neat little package, already wrapped up. Did she even make a decision? She couldn’t remember. It was simply as if the truth came out, and everyone assumed it was done…and then John slept with Isabella, breaking Marlena’s heart so deeply without so much as an apology. 

Marlena stepped away from him, whispering, “You made love to Isabella…that night in Mexico. Maybe…maybe if you had come to me instead.”

“Baby, we can’t think like that! We can’t! Where would we be now, if we’d made different choices? I don’t know! But I know where I am right now,” he said. “I know who my heart belongs to in this moment.”

John pressed his body to her back, and his palm slid up her abdomen, skimming over her breasts. Marlena’s head rolled back, and his hand cupped the line of her neck. Unable to stop herself, she moaned his name. Squeezing slightly, John murmured, “I know we should stop. But every touch, every kiss, makes letting you go, that much harder.”

His free hand pulled the tie at her waist, and her dress fell open. Marlena wasn’t sure what took hold of her. Maybe it was his hot breath against her skin, maybe it was his hand encircling her neck, but her fingers started to fumble with the inner tie on her dress, pulling it open hastily. Fingers slid over the satin covering her abdomen, and she groaned low in her throat.

He turned her in his arms, and licked along the column of her neck, rasping softly, “Tell me to stop, Doc.”

“John…”

“Tell me you don’t want my hands on your body,” he whispered against her lips. “Tell me!”

“I can’t!” she cried. “Oh, G-d! John I can’t!”

He pushed her dress off of her shoulders, catching it, and laying it on her desk. “You want this,” he murmured. “You want my mouth on you, you want my cock deep inside you…say it!”

Staring up at him, unable to catch her breath, she gasped, “I can’t!”

Teeth bit at the flesh of her breasts, pulling the pink satin down, revealing her to him, and John commanded her again, “Tell me you want this, Doc.”

Her fingers slid into the dark hair of his head, and she whispered, “I want you…”

Both of them were in a frenzy, unable to fully remove their clothes. John fumbled with his belt, and the rasp of his zipper filled the room, combining with their harsh breaths. He lifted her to the edge of her desk, staring into her eyes, while he struggled to pull his cock from his pants. Marlena stared into his eyes, pushing his hand aside, and wrapped hers around his length. 

John rested his forehead on hers, “Fuuuuck, Doc.”

Pumping along his soft silky flesh, Marlena pulled him closer to her center. She shoved the laced edged satin aside, and rubbed him into the moist heat of her pussy, covering him in her arousal. John pushed forward, barely entering her, and he rasped out, “Are you sure, Marlena?”

Her head fell back, and she was lost in eyes so dark they were almost black. She whispered, “Make love to me, John.”

He slid into her in one thrust, kissing her at the same time to absorb her cry, which vibrated through him. Marlena’s fingers wrapped around John’s necktie, and the fingers of her other hand scratched over his starched shirtfront. Pleasure, unimaginable pleasure, coursed through her. John’s hands wrapped around her, gripping her thighs, and he pulled her closer to him, lifting her from the desk. She wanted to scream his name, and cry out in ecstasy. 

Turning their bodies, he pushed them into a nearby wall, and continued to pound into her. Marlena was lost, “John…John…John, I’m going to come…I’m going to come…”

“Come on my cock,” he groaned, pumping into her furiously. John bit her jaw, and then rasped out, “Come on my cock…”

Chapter 8

Roman came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, and looked over the sleeping form of his wife. They hadn’t made love in a few weeks, and his body was craving her like no other. He stepped closer when she moaned, her body moving sensuously under the blankets. He smiled. She was having some sexy dream.

Flames from the fireplace flickered, creating shadows over their skin, and Marlena’s body slid over his. Her mind was confused…was this Roman…or was it John? Music played softly in the background, and even though they’d already made love twice, she wanted more. He stared up at her, his hands gently cupping her face, “I love you.”

“I love you,” she whispered, kissing his lips.

He nibbled at her lips softly, and she smiled. She’d never loved anyone with the intensity that she loved him. Never. Lifting a strawberry from the bowl beside them, she placed it in his mouth, and then placed her finger against his lips in a silent instruction to hold it there. Three fingers scooped whipped cream from the bowl, and she smiled again as she wiped it over his lips. She leaned forward, slowly, licking over his mouth. The soft swipe of her tongue over his lips had him groaning low in his throat, and she felt his cock pressing against the moist heat of her center. He wanted her again. 

Rolling her hips over him suggestively, she continued to lick and rub against him. He kissed her deeply, the taste of strawberry filling her mouth. And when his lips found that spot near her ear, she was lost in him, moaning over and over again, “Oh! Oh! Roman…Roman…”

He lifted her body, sliding her down on his cock, filling her, and she threw her head back, “Roman!”

Roman stared at his wife. Her body arched under the blanket, and he was desperate to have her. She had never looked so sexy, so appealing. Approaching the bed, Roman kneeled down next to her, touching her face softly. Her eyes opened, and she stared at him in confusion. Roman leaned forward, kissing her lips, and said, “That was some dream you were having.”

Marlena’s mind was grappling with two realities, her love for John when he was Roman, and the fact that Roman, her husband, was crouched before her. His hand reached out, pushing the blanket over her shoulder, and he said, “You were calling my name.”

Marlena stared at him. He wanted her, she could sense it. It felt like it used to, when he had time for her, when he loved her…before he was taken by Stefano. When Roman kissed her again, she responded. If she wanted to save her marriage, she had to give up John, and find a way to reconnect with Roman. She had to reconnect with her husband.

Roman pushed the blankets over her hips, rolling her onto her back, and he pulled his towel off. She could feel his arousal pressed into her hip. His hands began to roughly pull her nightgown up, and when he buried his fingers in her swollen wetness, they both groaned. 

“Doc, you’re so wet for me,” he groaned, sucking at the skin of her collarbone.

But she knew she wasn’t. She was wet for John. She’d orgasmed in her sleep, for John. That didn’t stop her body from reacting to Roman’s touch. Her eyes closed and her mind flashed images from her dream…a memory. Marlena felt her body getting wetter, while her husband’s fingers played over her, and she imagined John touching her. This was wrong, and yet, she didn’t stop it. She had to forget John. She had to reconnect with Roman. 

But, when Roman slid his length into her swollen folds, she threw her head back, screaming his name, while she was picturing John.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After Roman left for work Marlena received a call from Victor. The man was infuriating, refusing to tell her over the telephone, the nature of his business. She found herself standing in front of him in his house. Looking up at him, she said, “You practically summoned me. What’s it all about?”

He smiled, in the way Marlena had always thought was a bit manipulative, but she couldn’t figure out what he was after. He said, “I’ve got a proposition for you. One that I think, you won’t want to refuse.” Marlena stared at him incredulously, while Victor continued, “Have you heard of the new magazine? Bella?”

Marlena was a little surprised, “Yes, Carrie mentioned it this morning when we spoke. Something about a Face of the 90s contest.”

“Oh, that’s just a promotional gimmick we have to increase the circulation,” Victor said casually. “But, we’re going to need more than that. That’s where you come in.” Marlena stared at him warily, “I would like to institute and advice column for teenagers, and I’d like you to write it.”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, and then said slowly, “I can’t believe you would ask me to work with you.”

Victor scoffed lightly, “Marlena, I know there’s no love lost between us, but don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to work with me. I’ve no intention of actively participating in the magazine. I just think it would be a good idea to have an advice column for young people today, so they can have help dealing with the problems they’re facing in our society, and, I can’t think of anyone more qualified to write it than you.”

Marlena had to admit, the idea intrigued her. If she was honest with herself, she was more than intrigued by the idea, but it was Victor. She said, “There must be many people who could do that job.”

“Not only are you a renowned psychiatrist, you have a teenage daughter, and two young children, who will soon be teenagers.”

Marlena laughed softly, thinking of Sami and Eric someday being teenagers, “Not too soon, I hope.”

“You have first hand knowledge of the problems that teens go through,” he told her.

“So it really is, strictly business?”

Victor looked at her seriously, “If I didn’t think you were the most qualified person for the job, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. So, what do you say? Think of all the young people you could reach with a column like this, all the good that you could do.”

“It certainly is worth considering,” she said softly. 

“I’m glad you are,” he said. He was more than glad. Marlena taking this job would put her on the board at Bella, and working directly alongside John, although Victor had no intention of telling her that. “And I think, the more you consider it, the more you’ll realize what a good offer it is.” Victor turned to escort her from the house, saying, “I hope to hear from you soon.”

Marlena stepped out into the late February sunshine, her mind still spinning from Victor’s offer. It was something to consider, and she’d be doing something useful, and helpful. Roman wouldn’t like it. She knew that. Roman had a hatred for Victor Kiriakis that ran deep.

Victor watched Marlena from the window with a smirk on his face. He’d timed it perfectly. As he watched Marlena dig through her purse for her car keys, John’s Jeep drove through the gate, pulling up next to her car. He saw John get out of his vehicle, and round the car, and his smiled widened when he watched Marlena stare up at John in confusion. Victor stepped away from the window with satisfaction.

Marlena was surprised and caught off guard by John’s sudden appearance, “John.”

He smiled down at her, “Doc.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to pick up Brady,” he said softly. He twirled a piece of her hair around his finger, and whispered, “You look beautiful today. I love your hair in curls.”

“John…don’t,” she said, looking around, and realizing that John’s Jeep blocked their view of the house. “I told you this was over. Friends…we can only be friends.”

“I know,” he whispered. “But it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“It should. We have to move on,” she hissed.

John leaned forward, kissing her forehead, and then her cheek. He said softly, “I don’t think I can. It’s not that easy.” His fingers pulled her shirt away from her collarbone, and he stopped, staring down at a mark on her skin that he knew he hadn’t made. His eyes snapped up to hers, “You made love to Roman?”

Marlena was quiet for so long, John thought she wasn’t going to answer, until she said softly, “He’s my husband.”

The pain in his chest was excruciating, as he said with bitterness, “Is that how we move on, Doc? Should I go and sleep with Rebecca now?”

“No!” she cried, feeling jealousy well up inside her like a flood.

“Isn’t that what you’ve done? You try to forget your love for me, by sleeping with Roman?”

Marlena started to cry, “That’s—that’s not what happened. It didn’t happen that way!”

John stepped closer, backing her into the side of his Jeep, “Why don’t you explain it then?”

“I don’t have to!” she said, pushing at his chest. “I told you, this thing between us, it’s over. It has to be over.”

Grabbing her wrists he pinned them low, beside her hips, against the vehicle, and he breathed over her lips, “You keep saying that, Doc, but it’s not over.” Then he kissed her. His mouth consumed her, his tongue brushing alongside hers. He kissed her until she stopped fighting him, and she moaned into his mouth, and began to kiss him back. John licked her mouth one last time, biting her bottom lip so hard, she felt as if her knees might give way. Staring into her eyes, John said, “You want us to move on? Fine we’ll move on. We can lie to ourselves if that’s what you want. But we both know, we aren’t over.”

John released her wrists, and stepped back. Then he walked away, leaving her standing there with her heart written on her face, and her chest thumping wildly. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The din of the pub surrounded them, and Roman stared at Marlena, still trying to process what she’d said, “A job? What kind of job?”

“A job writing a teenage advice column in Bella Magazine,” she said, leaning her elbows on the table in front of them.

Roman couldn’t believe what she was saying, “Well, I hope you told him no.”

“I did…” she said.

“Good.”

“At first.”

It took a moment to register, and Roman said, “What do you mean at firs—come on! You can’t be serious! You’re actually considering going to work for that man?”

“Roman,” Marlena said, “If anybody else had asked me to take this position, I would have jumped at it.”

Roman sneered, “This isn’t anybody else! This is Victor Kiriakis! Come on, Doc! No!”

“I wouldn’t be working with him directly,” she said. 

“My G-d, if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you!” Roman said loudly. “No! Doc, you cannot take this job!”

His tone was condescending. His facial expressions intended to show derision. Marlena was so tired of it all, “Well, I don’t know if I’m going to take it or not. But, when I decide, I hope I have my husbands support.”

“I’m not trying to be a cave man about this, Doc. I’m not, but how would you feel if he offered me a job, and I wanted to take it?”

“I wouldn’t like it,” she said. “But, I would accept your decision, and support you, if that’s what you wanted. I don’t want to fight about this Roman.”

“Good!” he said. “Then, don’t take the job!”

“That’s not the answer!”

“It’s the only one, as far as I’m concerned!”

Marlena pounded her fist on the table, whispering harshly, “You have never been like this in the past! Why are you doing this?”

Roman leaned forward, and said with bitterness, “Maybe, you’re confusing me with John?” She could do nothing, but watch helplessly as he stood up, and left her sitting alone in the middle of the pub. Marlena wiped furiously at the tears that fell from her eyes, she gathered her purse, and she walked out of the pub. 

Caroline stood off to the side feeling a combination of sadness, and fury. Marlena was trying so hard, and with every step forward, Roman pushed her further away. Picking up the phone Caroline dialed Kim. Marlena had been very upset when she left, and she was going to need someone to talk to. 

Chapter 9

John hadn’t seen or heard from Marlena, until running into her near the elevators at Titan Publishing. She was beautiful, but he was forbidden to touch her. Her deep purple dress hugged the curves of her waist, and her breasts…fuck, her breasts looked ready to spill out of the bodice of her gown. John wondered how Roman could ever let her leave the house dressed like that, and not be by her side. The flash in her eyes said, he shouldn’t touch her, and, combined with the sharpness of her tone, he backed off. If she needed space, he had to respect that. If she wanted to move on with Roman, he had to respect that, too. His concern came from something else he saw in her eyes, despair. She was hurting.

He glanced around the party, and saw her standing with Carrie, talking and smiling. Carrie’s eyes caught his, and he could see the concern. Something was wrong, but Marlena, being who she was, would likely never admit it. 

After photographers mistakenly assumed Marlena was his wife, he and Carrie watched her rush off in tears. John looked at Carrie, his eyes questioning. Carrie said softly, “Roman refused to come to the party, and he’s refusing to support the job she took with Bella Magazine.”

“Marlena took a job with Bella?” he asked in surprise.

“You didn’t know?” Carrie asked in surprise. “Roman has been awful about it all week, and he refused to come to this party.”

“He refused! Doesn’t he know how much that would hurt her?”

Carrie shrugged, “I can’t figure out why they’re still trying to make this work. They’re different people. They’re not who they were before.”

John looked around the noisy room, “Where do you think she went?”

“Maybe home, or the conference rooms?” Carrie suggested. “I think Victor had them unlocked for party guests to see the new offices.”

“I’m going to look for her,” John said. “I don’t want her to be alone if she’s upset.”

Watching John walk away, Carrie remembered why she loved him so much. He was a father to her no matter what, and he still cared for Marlena, that much was obvious. She hoped he found Marlena, because if anyone could comfort her, it was John.

Marlena stood before a massive window, overlooking the city. A soft glow was cast over the room from the city lights, and a small lamp sitting on the desk. When the photographer had mistaken John for her husband, something inside of her cracked. Rather than break down in tears, while surrounded by a room full of people, she’d run. Her argument with Roman earlier was simply too much to handle in the moment.

Roman kissed her, and said softly, “So, I was thinking that maybe we could, um, maybe, we could go out for a nice quiet dinner, just the two of us.”

Marlena felt dread settle in her stomach. This was going to be an argument. Anytime Roman didn’t get his way, it was an argument. This feeling of inevitability was becoming normal, and it was starting to make her physically ill. Marlena stared at Roman for a moment, and said with apprehension, “Tonight?”

“Yeah! Or we could stay here, it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh,” she said, scrambling for a way to tell him the news. A way that wouldn’t result in him exploding on her again. “Well,” she whispered, “…I took the job.”

She saw the change in his eyes immediately. Anytime Roman didn’t have complete control over a situation , he would have this look come over him. They were going to argue, and Marlena wasn’t sure she could take it again. 

“You accepted his offer?” Roman said softly, too softly. 

Marlena found herself scrambling for an answer, an answer that wouldn’t have him exploding in a verbal tirade, “Look, I can—I can put in an appearance at the party, and be home in no time—”

“—no, no, no!” Roman interrupted her. “I told you, I didn’t want you taking that damn job, Doc.”

Marlena stared at him, feeling that emptiness, that hollowness, fill her up, “Roman, I won’t be working with Victor! I—I want to do this. A column like this will do so much good!”

“What about what I want?” he demanded.

“I thought…I really thought you would support me,” she said softly. “Even if you don’t agree with it…I thought you would support my decision.”

“Well, Doc, I guess you were wrong,” he said walking into the kitchen.

She stood in her living room, wiping tears from her eyes, and then went upstairs to get ready for the party.

Marlena pulled her compact out of her purse to check her mascara. She had to stop crying. She couldn’t leave to go home, with dark streaks over her cheeks, and eyes red and swollen. Everyone she encountered would know she’d been crying. She would go down stairs, say goodbye to Carrie, and leave, even though she knew the house would be empty when she got there. Roman was at the police station sulking.

She felt John’s presence in the room, before she saw him, before she smelled him. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, and then his scent surrounded her. That deep, musky scent of his cologne. She turned quickly to face him, her dress rustling loudly, as he said, “Marlena, I was hoping I’d find you. I spoke with Carrie after you left, she felt as though you might be upset tonight. Are you…upset?”

“Oh well, she’s wrong. I’m not upset at all,” Marlena said, refusing to look at him. Knowing if she faced him, he would see immediately that she was lying.

She heard him step closer, and say softly, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I feel fine.”

She was lying, even though she refused to face him, he could feel it. “Okay, so why aren’t you upstairs with the rest of the people at the party?”

Finally facing him, Marlena said, “I just needed…some time alone.” She stared at him. Men were supposed to be handsome, and John was handsome, but sometimes when she looked at him, he was beautiful. Maybe beautiful came with love, she wondered. 

He wouldn’t let this go. He wasn’t going to allow her to make excuses, “Why? I mean, if you’re not upset, why are you here? What are you running away from, Doc?”

Heart racing, with her body screaming for his touch, Marlena whispered, “I think you should go.”

He stared into her hazel eyes, stepping closer, and he said softly, “I think you should talk to me.”

John watched her eyes dart around the room, and her feet shuffle on the floor, as her hands clenched her small handbag, and she said, “You know what, I think—I think I’m going to head home. I’m not feeling well.”

As she walked by him, the fabric of her dress rustling loudly in the quiet room, her scent surrounded him. Lavender and lilacs attacked his senses. Feeling desperate to stop her, John whispered, “What do you know about zen?”

Caught off guard, she turned back, “What?”

John knew he had her. Maybe he should have let her go, but he couldn’t. He’d never be able to truly let her go. Stepping closer, he said in a soft husky voice, “About zen, as in Buddhism.” 

Marlena saw something in his eyes, a heat. It was want, combined with desperation. She saw arousal, and she was confused, but then she thought, wasn’t she aroused, too? How was that possible, when he hadn’t even touched her? The anticipation, she thought. They were anticipating each others touch, and she needed to leave. “John,” she whispered. “I—I have to go.”

“Don’t go,” he begged, reaching for her hand. His fingers played with hers, and he said, “Zen…it very complicated, yet it’s very simple at the same time.” 

His voice was pulling her in, making her want to stay, causing her to want to be closer to him. It was wrong. She’d ended their affair. Her mind asked her, did you really? Could you? When he has this type of hold on you, can you truly give him up?

“Like the story of the man, who wanted to know who Buddha was,” he said, stroking his thumb over the top of her hand. “So, he asked him. Are you a god? And Buddha said, no. He asked him, are you an angle? And once again Buddha said, no. He said, you must be a saint. For the third time, Buddha replied, no. The man said, what are you? And Buddha looked at him, and said, I am awake.”

She found herself stepping closer, almost unaware of her own movements. She was lost in John’s intense blue eyes. Eyes that made her feel like she was home, and never wanted to leave. 

John wanted her to stay. He wanted to touch her, and kiss her. He wanted her to know that there was someone in the world who loved her simply for being who she was, with no expectations at all, except she love him in return. 

“That’s what the word Buddha mean,” he said softly. “Awake. That’s how the whole things started. With one man, who woke up.”

Marlena swallowed thickly, her heart racing in her chest, “Why are you telling me that story?”

“Because that’s how I feel when I am with you, Doc. Awake. Alive. And nothing, and nobody on this earth makes me feel that way…except you.”

Marlena wrenched her hand from his, stepping back with a harsh whisper, “Don’t do this to me.”

“I know that you want to go, and I’m not going to stop you, but please…there is one thing I need to say,” he told her. “You know what I was going through when Isabella died. I was walking around like a zombie. I was dead inside…until that night on the plane, when you and I made love.” 

Marlena broke eye contact. Images of her and John on Victor’s plane assaulted her. She couldn’t look at him, and she felt the tears welling up again. How could she love him as much as she did, and continue to refuse him? How could she continue to refuse the love he offered her so willingly?

“You gave me life again, Doc, and if nothing more comes out of this, I just want to say thank you,” he whispered. Marlena’s eyes slowly came back to his, and John saw the pain, the confusion, and the desire. He should let her go. He knew, he should let her go. She turned away from him, and his eyes were riveted on her heaving breasts. She was aroused. He hadn’t intended it, but she was. He stepped closer, whispering, “If you want me to leave, I will.”

His hand slowly rose, brushing across her breasts, causing her to shiver. Tipping her face to his, Marlena was lost. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t refuse him anything. John’s voice seduced her, as she looked up at him slowly, “Is that what you want?” His finger brushed over her cheek, and he continued to lull her, “I mean it, Doc. If you want me to leave, I’ll walk out that door right now, and as hard as it may be, I’ll stay out of your life…if that’s what you want…”

A lone tear fell from her eye, as she stared at him helplessly. She was so tired of feeling empty. She wanted to feel loved. She replied, barely above a whisper, “No.”

John could feel the sadness in her, and he stroked her face gently, as if he were coaxing her out of herself, “Let me love you, Doc. Please.”

Marlena said nothing, she couldn’t. Her emotions swirled inside her, and all she wanted, all she craved, was John. His fingers along her skin, his lips on hers, and the heat of his body against hers. She forgot where they were, she was so caught up in the moment.

John kissed her lips softly, “Let me love you, Doc…”

And she was lost, touching his face she whispered, “Love me, John…oh, G-d, please love me…”

Chapter 10

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Bo told his brother. “How many people get a second chance? And here you are wasting it.”

Roman sat at his desk sulking, and threw another paper wad through his makeshift basketball hoop, “Bo! I told her not to take that job! I told her, and she took it anyway.”

“She’s not your property! You can’t control her like that. She probably took it to prove a point,” Bo sighed in exasperation, “And, how many times have I, and other people tried to explain to you, that Victor is not the same man he was eight years ago? Marlena’s not the same woman she was eight years ago! You’re stuck…stuck in time, and you need to get over it.” Bo rounded the desk, staring down at Roman, “After you were presumed dead, Marlena went through so much…alone. All by herself, Roman. She’s stronger, more determined, more feisty, and she learned how to stand on her own. Don’t beat that out of her. Appreciate it. Fucking appreciate it, because I lost Hope…and now I’ve lost Carly. You’ve got Marlena, and you’re just throwing her away!”

Roman looked up at Bo, taking his feet off of the desk, and he said incredulously, “Marlena had John, didn’t she?”

Bo laughed, “Is that what you think? John just swooped in, and took over?” Roman was holding a grudge, and it was ruining his life.

“Didn’t he?”

“I love you, big brother, but you’re an idiot,” Bo told him. “Have you ever discussed what happened while you were gone, with Marlena?”

“What is there to discuss?” Roman said, standing up, and shoving Bo out of the way. “I died, and then John showed up. Everyone welcomed him with open arms, and I was forgotten.”

Bo sighed, “Fuck…how can you be home for a year, and not know what happened?”
“It’s pretty cut and dry, don’t you think, Bo?”

“I should have figured,” Bo muttered, thinking about Roman’s habit of snap judgement, and concrete thinking. “Marlena mourned you hard. She hunted Stefano, and shot him in the rafters of the opera house! When John first came to town…he was John. Not Roman. We didn’t come to think of him as Roman until the twins were a year and a half old!”
Roman stared at Bo in confusion, “What?”

“We had no idea who John was. Marlena was trying to help him find out his past, while being chased through the woods of West Virginia by myself, Victor, Shane, and the KGB! Don’t you know any of this?”

“So, Marlena…she was in love with John…before she thought he was me?” Roman asked his brother, as if the idea had just occurred to him.

Bo responded, “I can’t say for sure…but, I think so.”

Roman had always assumed Marlena’s love for John was an extension of her love for him, but if she’d loved John before she thought he was Roman, then that changed his perspective completely. Marlena’s attachment to John, he’d always disregarded, because he was home now. The real Roman was home. But if she loved John before, if she loved him as John while traipsing through the woods, then what were her feelings for him now?

“You know what, Bo? I think I will go to this party,” Roman said, pulling his coat off of the coat rack.

Bo watched Roman leave with a feeling of disgust. Roman wasn’t going to the party because he supported his wife. He wasn’t even going because he loved her. He was going because he considered her a possession, and he was worried that John was there. That was the wrong reason to go.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena was lost in the sensation of John’s mouth on hers, until her bare shoulders pressed against the solid oak of the conference table beneath her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was screaming at herself to stop the forward motion of what she and John were about to do. She couldn’t, or maybe, she wouldn’t. The briefest thought occurred to her, she could stop what they were doing, but then John bit her collarbone, and she cried out softly. She pushed that further back, into the furthest reaches of her mind. A larger part of herself, a part that had been growing over the last month, took control, and her fingers wove themselves through John’s hair, pulling his mouth closer to her. 

John’s kisses were like fire across her skin. His tongue moved over her neck, leaving a cool moist line in its wake, and Marlena arched into him, moaning low in her throat. She whispered, “More…oh, G-d! John more!”

He physically felt the moment when Marlena finally gave in, and he rolled his hips into her pelvis in response. “Marlena, Marlena…you are everything…everything…” he whispered softly. Straddling her body on the table, John sat up, quickly removing his bow tie, and his tuxedo jacket, while Marlena stared up at him with softly parted lips, and hazy eyes. It was reminiscent of their time together on Victor’s plane…just as desperate, just as hurried. He removed his cufflinks, a brief feeling of betrayal coming over him, realizing they had been a gift from Isabella, but when he glanced down, Marlena was reaching for him, and he was lost again in her eyes.

Gripping his starched shirt front, she pulled him closer, until he balanced his weight on his palms, and she started to slip the small buttons of his shirt through the buttonholes, revealing his chest, covered in coarse, dark hair. Slipping her small palm inside, John groaned, feeling her soft skin skim over his nipples, “Fuck, Doc…”

“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, spreading his shirt wide. The sight of his body leaning over her, felt wrong…and yet, it felt so right. Her palms skimmed up his heated flesh, and he leaned forward, his tongue lapping over her mouth. Marlena arched into him, her breasts almost escaping from the bodice of her gown, “John!”

John whispered across her lips, “You’re beautiful, Doc. I can’t stay away from you. No matter how many times you tell me to…I can’t.”

John’s tongue swept a long path up her sternum, between her breasts, and she cried out softly, “I know!”

“I saw you tonight, near the elevators…your lips looked so soft, and your hair…” he leaned down, resting on his elbows, threading his fingers through her thick curls. “Baby, those curls…”

She’d done it on purpose. She knew what her curly hair did to him. She could argue that it was purely coincidence, but she knew it wasn’t. She’d intentionally styled it, leaving her face surrounded by soft, bouncy, blonde curls…to draw him in, while pushing him away. She didn’t know if he would be there, but she had dressed with him in mind. Marlena had never had such a push and pull within her own heart. 

Rolling to the side of her, John’s hand started to pull the voluminous skirt of her dress up towards her waist. As he did, he exposed her long legs, covered in black stockings. He rasped in her ear, “Did you wear the thigh-high stockings, Doc? Because those drive me wild.”

“Yes,” she said, touching his jaw softly. “I—I find myself making so many decisions, wondering what you would prefer.”

John  moaned, burrowing his face in her fragrant hair, “Do you know what that does to me? To know that you push me away…and try to draw me in at the same time?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, feeling his fingertips softly caress the skin just above her black stocking. But she wasn’t sorry. She wasn’t sorry at all. The touch of his fingers, sliding between her thighs, combined with the silence of the room, and the rustling of the fabric of her dress, built an anticipation that caused her to shiver.

John could feel the heat of her center, and he hadn’t touched her. He knew she was already wet, and swollen. His hand moved away from her pussy, sliding around to cup the back of her thigh, and lift her leg. Staring down at her, John murmured, you are so fucking beautiful, baby, laid out for me…spread open for me…” Sliding his palm over her hip, John’s breath caught in his throat, and he said, “Fuck, Doc, a thong?”

Marlena stared up at him, helpless. She told herself, she couldn’t have him, but she could dream of him. She could do everything to pull him in, and it was so wrong. She knew it was. Pushing him away, but never fulling letting go…it was wrong.

Her own husband had ignored her as she stood before him, ready to leave for the Titan party. He’d barely spared her a glance, as he said, “No dice, Doc. I’m not going to that damned party.”  She felt like she looked amazing. In her mind she knew John would think she looked amazing, and her husband barely looked her over for a second before turning his attention back to the magazine in his hand. 

“I didn’t know you’d be here tonight,” Marlena whispered. “But I—I thought of you. Every item I chose…I thought of you.”

“So when you slid these stockings up your legs…”

“I know what you like,” she told him. “They made me feel sexy. I—I wanted to feel attractive.”

“I wanted you as soon as I saw you,” he told her, biting the skin of her neck softly. His fingers  wrapped in the waistband of her panties, slowly pulling them over her rounded hips, and he said, “You enticed me, Doc. You pulled me in…”

Her head rolled back. The slow anticipation of her panties sliding over her legs had arousal dripping onto her inner thighs, “John…John, touch me.”

John spread her thighs wide, staring down at her swollen folds, groaning deep, “You’re fucking beautiful, baby.”

“Touch me.”

“Not yet,” he whispered. His mouth took hers again. The way his lips pulled at hers, the flavor of champagne on his tongue, all of it increased her arousal.

Slipping her hands inside his open shirt, she scratched her nails over his ribs. “Please…” she begged him, as her fingers started fumbling with the fastening of his pants. John nearly came in her hand, when she wrapped her fingers around his length pulling him free of his boxers. “Please, John, I need you.”

He couldn’t hold back, refusing her something that she wanted just as bad as he did. Settling his body between her thighs, he rested his length against her moist folds for one brief moment, and then he slid into her body slowly, “Doc…Doc…oh, G-d, baby, you feel so good…”

His whispered ecstasy against her ear, had shivers wracking her body, “John…deeper…oh, yes…yes…”

Marlena’s gasping and mewling sounds had him pushing deeper. Her heat and tightness causing him the most exquisite pain and pleasure all at once. “This is so right, Doc,” he said softly, pushing into her body as deeply as he could go. He didn’t move, instead resting his forehead on hers, breathing in steady breaths. “Being here with you…like this, just like on the plane. We need each other.”

“G-d!” She whispered, passion lacing her voice. “Oh, G-d!”

He pushed into her, and he said softly, “We need each other.”

Marlena could do nothing but gasp out her pleasure, as John started slowly rocking his hips, thrusting in and out of her welcoming body. His arms hooked over her shoulders, and he kissed her again, so deeply that she was lost in a myriad of sensations. John’s hips rolled against hers, and his coarse hair rubbed her clit with every movement. Marlena whispered, “John…John…I’m—I’m coming…”

And then, they were both lost in a pleasure so deep, they could only find it with each other.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Roman stepped off of the elevator on the floor of Titan with all of the business offices, and came face to face with Victor Kiriakis.

“Roman,” Victor said with a smile. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I didn’t expect to be here,” he said gruffly. “I’m looking for my wife.”

“I can assure you, she’s not down here,” Victor lied smoothly. “I’ve just locked all of the offices, since the party should be wrapping up soon.”

“I guess she’s gone home then,” Roman muttered. 

Victor stepped into the elevator, and said, “She likely has.”

Following Victor back into the elevator, Roman got the feeling Victor was lying, but Roman felt like Victor was always lying.

Victor smiled at him again, “Would you like to go back to the party, or the parking garage?”

“The parking garage,” Roman grumbled. “I don’t know why Marlena begged me to come to this party if she wasn’t going to be here.”

Victor smiled again saying nothing, knowing that Marlena was upstairs, in a conference room with John. Victor knew because he’d followed them, and when John had been indiscrete enough to leave the door ajar…Victor had taken it upon himself to close it softly, and lock it for good measure. 

Chapter 11

“I guess I’m just scared that I’m not going to be good enough for him,” Carrie whispered.

Marlena stared at Carrie, love shining from her eyes. The girl trusted her, and loved her in return. The simple fact that Carrie had come to her, to discuss the next step in her relationship with Austin, was proof of that. Marlena approached her, wrapping her arms around the girls shoulders, holding her against her affectionately, “That’s the most natural feeling in the world. And every young woman…her first time feels the same way. You just want it to be perfect. That’s not to say that it won’t be perfect, but its an awful lot of pressure to put on yourself. Why don’t you just remember, that you are a kind, loving, girl, and Austin is very lucky to have you in his life.” Marlena turns Carrie to face her, and tells the girl softly, “Remember that part for me.”

Carrie smiled at her, and said quietly, “Marlena, you’re the best. You’ve helped me so much.” Carrie wrapped her arms around Marlena’s shoulders hugging her tightly.

“Oh, sweetie girl, I will always be here for you, and I’ve got a feeling, this weekend, with Austin, will be all you want it to be,” Marlena told her, smoothing Carrie’s hair over her shoulder gently. 

“You won’t tell Dad anything, will you?”

“No,” Marlena said. “I think if you choose to share, or not share that information with your father, that is a very personal choice. If you feel the time is right.”

Carrie and Marlena were both startled when the kitchen door slammed open, and Roman said, “Tell me what?” Neither one of them answered him, so he said, “Is somebody going to talk to me?”

Carrie found herself stumbling over her words. When Roman got angry, and started yelling she felt it in the pit of her stomach. She would get this jittery tremble, and start to feel nauseous, “Dad, it’s not—”

“—it’s what?” he interrupted. “Why don’t you tell me what it is? And why am I always the last one to know what the hell is going on in my own daughters life?”

Marlena was worried for Carrie, and she said to Roman, “Try to stay calm.”

Roman sneered, “Oh, stay calm? Stay calm, and reasonable? Like you and John would?”

Marlena didn’t respond. Roman had been baiting her with John more and more frequently since the night of the Titan party nearly a week ago.

Carrie felt herself getting angry. She was so tired of the constant upset, “If you wouldn’t lose your temper all the time, maybe I could confide in you!”

Instead of listening to his daughter, really listening to her, Roman reacted, “Let me get this straight, if I promise not to get upset that you are sleeping with some irresponsible jerk, then you will tell me about it?”

She knew she wasn’t going to get anywhere with him. Her father had already decided that Austin was no good for her. Carrie started crying in frustration, “You are so wrong about Austin. He’s a wonderful person!”

“Maybe he’s wonderful to you, but to everybody else he’s a loser! He’s a no good—Carrie, this guy is using you! Why can’t you see that? All he wants to do is get you into bed. You are nothing more than a conquest to him, a challenge! Once that challenge is over, he’s gone, he’s out the door looking for somebody else!”

Carrie felt so low. She felt insignificant, and every doubt she had about herself, and her body came back to hit her again. She whispered in between her sobs, “He loves me!”

“He loves you? Why? Because he said so?” Roman roared.

Marlena watched helplessly as Roman destroyed his daughter without even realizing it. She stepped in front of him, placing her hands on his arms, and she said firmly, “Don’t. Don’t do this, Roman.”

“I have a right to know what’s going on with my daughter,” he said in low, angry tones.

There it was again. Carrie was his daughter. “Roman, it’s her body!” Marlena said softly. “She doesn’t have to tell you anything. You have to understand that. Don’t trivialize what she’s feeling.”

“I’m not trivializing anything!”

“You have to respect her, and you have to do it now, because if you don’t, you will lose her,” Marlena said seriously. 

Roman stepped around Marlena, going towards Carrie, and he said, “Carrie, I love you. You have to know that.” But Marlena saw the distrust in the girls eyes, and the apprehension that etched every muscle of her body. It didn’t improve as Roman continued.

“You also have to know that all I want is what is best for you! I don’t want to see you get hurt! I wish you wouldn’t shut me out like this,” he said, his voice rising with every word he uttered. Carrie stared up at him, and for some reason the tears in her eyes angered him. “Do you realize, both of you, how much it hurt for me to hear you say, we don’t have to tell Dad? And for you, Doc, to go along with her? To say, no, I don’t have to know! Do you know how that made me feel?”

Carrie stared at her father in shock. He was making this about him? “Why is it always how you feel?” Carrie asked him incredulously. “What about me? This is my life, dammit, and I’m going to do what I want! This is my life!”

Marlena couldn’t do anything to stop the communication breakdown happening right in front of her. Carrie stormed from the house, and Marlena knew, she knew with a deep instinct what would happen next. Roman turned his furious eyes on her, and said, “Why the hell did you have to do this to me?”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” she said.

“I don’t want to fight with you either, but this is about Carrie! She is my daughter! She’s not yours, and she’s certainly not John’s!”

“Can we leave John out of this, please!” Marlena said, loosing her patience. 

Roman looked at her, and said angrily, “Oh, I would love to leave John out of this! It would be a great relief to me, if I never heard John’s name mentioned again, in any family matters around here—”

“—it would be a great relief to me, if you weren’t constantly disappointed in us!” Marlena screamed. “Not to hear how we’ve let you down! Or leave you out of things! Roman, you push us away!” Marlena’s heart hurt for the pain she knew Carrie was in right then, “I think you’d be happy to know that Carrie had someone to talk to in this family!”

Roman roared, “Not when the person she chooses is Austin Reed, and certainly not when you are encouraging her to sleep with him!”

“I did not encourage her to sleep with him! She is eighteen years old, she lives on her own, she doesn’t need my encouragement, nor my permission! Don’t you see that?” Marlena said fiercely. “She came here to talk to somebody. Now, if I were you, I would just leave…this…alone. For your sake. For Carrie’s sake. For our sake. Leave it alone!”

“I was away from this family for a long time. I missed a lot. I’m just trying to put it all back together!” he said.

Marlena was so frustrated. Her body was trembling with it. She couldn’t continue to live in this constant stress. Staring up at Roman, she nearly hissed, “I was away, too! I missed a lot, too! Birthdays! Holidays! Days I can never have back again, not ever. Roman, you’re not the only person that has sacrificed here.”

“I didn’t say that either.”

“I’m trying to hold this marriage together myself,” she said, turning away from him. She was giving up for the night. She had nothing left in her. All she could be grateful for was that the twins were with Shawn and Caroline at the pub.

“Doc, if you’d just listen to me—” Roman was cut off by his pager. Checking it, he roared, “Dammit!”

Marlena flinched, she was emotionally exhausted. 

Roman spoke to her back, “That’s headquarters. It’s very important.”

“I’m sure it is…” she said taking a deep breath, relieved that he would be leaving. “It’s alright.”

Roman had nothing else he could say. Storming out through the kitchen, he grabbed his coat and left. Marlena leaned on the kitchen table as the first sob tore from her body. She crumbled to the floor, gasping for air. She couldn’t calm down. She couldn’t get a hold on her emotions. For the first time since Roman’s return she thought he might be destroying her. Slowly. Bit by bit he was tearing her down. How much more could she handle?

She wasn’t sure how long she cried for. She had no idea how long she leaned against the wooden table leg that was supporting her. Marlena struggled to her feet, pushing her hair back from her face, and she wiped the residual tears from her face. She should eat, but she wasn’t hungry. Kim had mentioned it again the last time she saw her. 

The doorbell rang, and Marlena checked herself in the mirror before she answered it. Her face was puffy, and her eyes were red, but there was nothing she could do about it. She opened the door slowly, and came face to face with John. Marlena was surprised to see him.

It was obvious she’d been crying. Carrie had called him extremely upset, and worried about Marlena. She’d been so guilty about leaving Marlena to handle Roman. John said softly, with a sheepish smile, “Carrie called me. She’s worried about you.”

Marlena didn’t speak. She looked around, and she reached for his hand, pulling him inside. John followed her in surprise, and once the door was closed, Marlena pushed him into the corner near the closet, and kissed him. Her hands threaded into his hair, tugging at it, and she moaned against him, licking across the seam of his lips. John’s hands settled solidly on her hips, and he held her back, saying, “Doc?”

“I need to feel something, John. I need to feel something besides this sinking, anxious feeling that I feel all the time,” she whispered, begging him with her eyes. “Kiss me…please?”

“Doc, I’m worried about you.”

“John, please?”

He brought her body flush with his, his arms encircling her waist, and he whispered softly, “Okay.” He flipped her body around, pressing against her firmly, and licked her lips, saying, “Open your mouth for me, Doc.”

John’s hot breath wafted over her mouth, and she was lost in sensation. Her mouth sucked at his, allowing his tongue to sweep alongside hers. With a low, deep, moan, her hips bucked against him, while her fingers scratched the nape of his neck. She needed more. She needed John, but this was her house with Roman…until she remembered making love to John there. “John,” she cried, feeling his hard length push into her hip. 

He bucked into her hand, when he felt her rub over his turgid cock. The pressure was so good, and he couldn’t stop himself from pressing into her hand. Cupping Marlena’s face he stared at her, trying to control his breathing, John rasped, “Doc…you said we couldn’t keep doing this.”

Marlena’s eyes filled with tears, and she said softly, “I know…I know…”

John smiled at her gently, wiping tears from her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, “When did you eat last?”

“I’m not sure.”

“You’re losing weight, baby. You get upset, and you don’t eat. Not a lot of people know that about you, but I do.” John reached for her hand, tugging her towards the kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

“I think what you need right now, are some pancakes, and a friend to talk to,” he said, leading her through the kitchen door. “Lucky for you, pretty lady, I can provide both.”

Chapter 12

March 1993

Marlena asked John to keep his distance for awhile. She didn’t trust herself to be alone with him, and they were only seeing each other socially. It was hard on both of them. John continued to see Rebecca casually, and she was a fun companion for dinner or lunch, but he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Not when his nights were spent dreaming of Marlena, or tossing restlessly in his own bed. 

Their affair was supposed to be over, but John knew, it wasn’t. Not when their eyes caught across a room, a million thoughts and emotions were conveyed in the span of a single second. Not when his fingers caught her hand as she was walking by. As her hand was pulled from his, a thousand caresses were ensconced in his memory. Not when her scent wafting across his face, sent blood surging to his cock. It wasn’t over. 

His plan was to stay busy. It was the only thing he could do. He would bury himself in work, the same way he did when he’d lost Isabella. A distraction to keep his mind off of the person who’s face haunted him, whether he was awake or asleep. Marlena. 

John poured his second cup of coffee, and startled when there was a knock on the loft door. Rubbing his hand over his face, he was less than thrilled to find Rebecca standing there. He wasn’t in the mood for surprises, not having gotten less than four hours of sleep. 

Rebecca looked over John’s well toned chest, while holding two bags of takeout, and she said, “Good morning. I—I hope this isn’t inconvenient.”

“No, no, no,” John said stepping back from the door, and gesturing inside. “Come on in.”

“I brought coffee,” she said. “And bagels.”

“Thanks,” John said distractedly, walking away, looking around for a shirt. “Just a second. I’ve got a shirt around here somewhere.”

“I’m sorry. I just assumed with a baby, you’d, uh, that you’d been up for hours,” Rebecca said, walking closer. “My, uh, attorney and I made some changes on the contract, and uh, that you sent over, and if there aren’t any objections…we have a deal.”

“Oh, no. It’s fine. I’m sure they’re just fine,” John said, stepping past her. “I just hope you cleared your social schedule, cause I plan on working around the clock.”

“Around the clock?” She asked, feeling a tingle of anticipation. 

John started digging through the bag with the bagels, saying casually, “Yeah. You and I are going to be so busy, we won’t have any time to think about anything else.”

Rebecca smiled, “Uh, okay.”

John looked at her seriously, and said, “Unless that’s a problem?”

She stepped closer, and said, “Oh, no…I have never been afraid of hard work. I’m in.”

John could feel the insinuation. It was obvious, she was talking about more than just work, but he couldn’t think about a relationship with anyone. Not yet.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Carrie stared out the window of her apartment, feeling the deepest grief of loss. She’d given up Austin to save him, although he would never know that. A deep festering hate for her father began to grow in her heart. She would never forgive him. Never.

“Sweetheart, people like Austin Reed never change! They spend their lives chasing the easy money!”

Carrie threw her mug against the wall with a furious howl, and crumpled to the floor in tears. She’d broken up with Austin the night before, and she’d seen him in the hallway that morning. The look in her eyes nearly broke her right then, but she had looked away, and scurried to the elevator. She couldn’t handle the pain in his eyes. 

“Carrie, a lot of people have lousy childhoods, have lousy lives, but they don’t become criminals!”

He wouldn’t listen to her pleas, he wouldn’t even try to get to know Austin. But when she’d promised to give up Austin, if Roman didn’t arrest him, he’d paused. She saw him consider it, and it broke her heart. It broke her heart to give up the man she loved, and it broke her heart that her father was okay to let it happen.

“Carrie, I want you to try and understand that I’m not doing this to hurt you. I’m doing this because I only want what is best for you, because I love you,” Roman said.

“You got what you wanted! Why don’t you just go away! Get Out!” Carrie cried.

She screamed again, a rage filled shriek the reverberated off of the walls of her apartment. Nothing was going to take this pain away. Nothing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena was worried. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Carrie in nearly a week. Roman walked into the room from the kitchen, and sat at the table with a sandwich in front of him. Marlena asked him, “Have you spoke to Carrie?”

“A few days ago,” he responded nonchalantly, taking a bite of his food, and turning the paper to the crime section.

“Did she seem okay to you?” Marlena asked. “She’s not returning my calls, and she hasn’t come by the house.”

Roman looked at her her, but quickly glanced back at the paper, “Not sure, Doc. She seemed fine when I saw her.”

He was lying. The quick aversion of his glance, and the change in pitch were clear indicators. “Well, I think, I’m just going to head over to her apartment and check on her,” Marlena said. “Just for my own peace of mind.”

“Doc! She’s fine!” Roman said. “She’s a teenager. She’ll call back when she gets some free time. She certainly doesn’t need you nagging her.”

Marlena stared at him for a moment, and said softly, “I think I’m going to head over there anyway, Roman.”

Roman snorted in derision, “Whatever, Doc. It’s not like you ever listen to me anyway.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Documents were spread out over the living room, and Rebecca’s eyes felt as if they could no longer focus. John  had run upstairs for a shower, but she had continued working, even after he said she could go home. Rebecca imagined the water streaming over his body, and shivered slightly. She kept trying to get closer to him, and he seemed to be keeping her at arms length, although she hadn’t seen Marlena Brady around recently.

She looked up when, she heard John’s feet padding along the stairs. He looked amazing in suits, but in sweatpants and a t-shirt, he was delectable. John looked at her in surprise, “You’re still here?”

“I was just looking over this last contract before I left,” she said, setting it down on the coffee table. She stood up, walking over to him as he poured himself a mug of coffee. He hadn’t kissed her, or ask her out in quite awhile. She wanted to spend time with him. Running her palm over his back in a manner that suggested familiarity, Rebecca asked him, “Do you find me attractive?”

John almost spilled his coffee. Setting it on the counter, he turned to face her. She was pretty, and if he gave her the chance, he could find her attractive. John touched her face softly. Marlena wanted him to move on. She said there was no hope for them, and there was Rebecca, right in front of him. He smiled softly, “I find you attractive.”

Her palm slid up over the dark navy colored cotton covering his chest, “You seem to be all business lately.”

“We have a lot of work to do,” he murmured with a smirk. His body was stirring, but not in the instantaneous response way it did with Marlena. With Marlena it was explosive. They were sometimes moving so quickly, they couldn’t get their clothes off. With Rebecca, it was a slow build, a gradual warmth. It wasn’t the same, but it never had been. No other woman in his life, at least the ones he remembered, not Diana, Yvette, or Isabella…none of them had ever had the same effect on him that Marlena did.

Rebecca stepped closer, allowing the full length of her body to press against his, “Maybe we could take a break?”
“Hmmm…a break?” he asked her. “And what do you suggest we do on this break?”

Rebecca kissed him softly. John didn’t respond at first, but then he tentatively licked over her lips, and Rebecca gave a soft moan. It was different from Marlena’s husky sounds and sharp mewls. John almost shook his head in frustration. Marlena wanted to be friends. Only friends, and he had to move on. Forcing himself to focus on the woman in front of him, his hands wove through her hair, tipping her face back, and he said, “Kissing? Is that your idea of a break?”

Smiling up at John, she said, “Oh, I think kissing is a perfect idea—” 

Rebecca groaned when a loud knock sounded on John’s door, followed by a young voice, “Daddy? It’s Carrie…”

John was confused, and worried. Roman had almost assaulted him in the pub the day earlier when he found out that John had known about the situation with Austin and never told him. Roman still had no idea that Marlena knew as well. When he figured that out, John could only imagine Roman’s rage.

Rebecca was slightly put off when John wiped his mouth, and left her standing where she was, to go answer the door. Carrie Brady wasn’t his child, yet he moved as if she was. The concern in his eyes, said she was. Pulling the loft door open, John was surprised to see Carrie, and Marlena standing there.

Rebecca watched the byplay between John and Marlena. They stared at each other entranced, as if having sex with their eyes was a possibility. Finally Marlena said softly, “We needed to speak with you…” She glanced over at Rebecca and said icily, “…alone.”

Rebecca bristled, “We were actually working—”

“—we were just finishing up,” John interrupted staring at Marlena. The last time he’d seen her was a few days prior, and his body…his soul…was craving her nearness. It didn’t matter what form it came in, even friendship. He would take it. It would be difficult, but losing her would be much worse.

Rebecca fetched her purse and coat, and stepped closer to John. She touched his arm gently, making sure that Marlena saw the familiar gesture, and she whispered, “Call me…about dinner tomorrow.”

Carrie noticed that even as Rebecca seemed to be staking claim on John, his eyes were riveted on Marlena. Glancing at Marlena, Carrie could almost feel the jealousy rolling off of her step mother. The tension was palpable, as John shook his head slightly, and said to Rebecca, “I’ll give you a call to make plans.”

What nearly broke Marlena was watching as Rebecca kissed John’s mouth softly, and whispered, “You do that,” before she left the loft. Marlena wanted to pull his hair, smack him, and shove his body against the nearest wall. She wanted to lick his mouth to get Rebecca Morrison off of him, and bite his lips, because John’s mouth, his body, and his soul were hers. Instead she trembled slightly, and said, “If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom before we talk.”

John watched helplessly as Marlena walked up the short set of stairs, and disappeared towards the kitchen and the laundry room. Rebecca seemed to almost look smug, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His emotions were all over the place, but he closed the door behind Rebecca’s retreating back, and he pulled Carrie into his arms, whispering, “What’s wrong Punkin’?”

“I’m here about Austin, but I’m worried about Marlena, too,” Carrie said softly. “She’s lost weight, and she seems so tired all of the time.”

John had noticed that she seemed to have rings under her eyes, and one stack of pancakes on a Wednesday night wasn’t going to cure what was ailing her. Living under constant stress, and arguing all of the time would take a toll on anyone. Someone as sensitive as Marlena, it could absolutely destroy. John whispered, holding Carrie closer, “I’ve noticed.”

“Roman…he’s trying to control everyone, and everything,” Carrie said softly.

“I know,” John replied, thinking about his massive argument with Roman the day before. “Does he know that your mother knew about the situation with Austin?”

“No…and he can’t know. He can’t. That’s why we’re here…to talk about Austin.”

“Do you want something to drink?”

No,” Carrie whispered. “But I wanted to thank you…for being my Dad…for never giving up on me.”

“You will always be my “Punkin’ girl. Always,” John said. “Wait here. I’m going to check on Marlena.”

Carrie stepped away, and walked to the couch sinking into it. She’d barely slept the last few days. She had no problem, laying her head on a pillow, and resting her eyes, while John and Marlena worked out whatever was going on between them. She was with her parents now, and they were going to help her, help Austin. Then she could have him back in her life. Then she could be happy, because living without him was not working. 

John stood outside of the half bath, tucked away next to the laundry room at the back of the loft. He knocked softly, “Doc?”

Marlena wiped her tears. They were tears of anger and frustration. Tears she knew she had no right to shed. She’d been pushing John away since the Titan party. She heard his voice again, “Doc, open the door, and speak to me, please…”

He heard the lock turn, and before Marlena could turn the doorknob, John had slipped inside, closing the door softly behind himself. Marlena stared up at him with wide eyes, “John! You can’t be in here.”

“I can,” he said, pushing her against the door to the linen closet. “We need to talk.”

“What about—what about Carrie?”

“Carrie is probably already asleep on my couch, Doc. Now talk to me please!”

She looked down, and whispered, “I can’t. My emotions…” Marlena started crying, and hiccuped as her throat tightened on her emotional pain. “I have no right to—to be upset.”

“About Rebecca?” he asked her softly.  

Marlena stared up at John, tears magnifying the green gold color of her hazel eyes, “About Rebecca.”

“I thought you wanted me to move on?”

“I did…I do, but it hurts to see her so blatantly…it hurts, that’s all,” she said, barely above a whisper. 

“I wish you’d leave Roman, Doc,” John murmured, burying his face in her hair. “I wish you’d let me love you, because…I do love you, baby.”

Marlena’s tears broke free of her eyes, trailing over her cheeks, and John leaned forward, kissing the salty wetness. She whispered his name, and slowly, her arms made their way around his nape, and she whispered, “Kiss me. Please, just kiss me.”

“How am I supposed to keep doing this, Doc? This push and pull is killing us both,” he said over her lips.

“This is the last time,” she murmured. “The last time.”

John’s mouth nearly devoured her in his haste to taste her, while Marlena was intent on wiping Rebecca Morrison from his mind. Soft pillowy lips played over hers, and she shivered with want. The taste of his mouth, coffee and toothpaste, and something that was distinctly John, set her aflame. Even as she said in her mind repeatedly that it would be the last time, they both knew it wasn’t. Marlena wasn’t certain there ever would be a last time, because John’s soul had a firm grip on her, and the longer this went on the harder it would be to let go. Marlena was beginning to wonder if she would ever let go.

Chapter 13

John stirred the tomato soup in the saucepan slowly, thinking. He finally looked at Marlena, and said softly, “Austin should turn himself in, and get a lawyer. I’ll pay for it. I’ll cover everything.”

“Do you think that’s wise?” Marlena asked him, making sure that Carrie was still asleep on the couch.

“I do,” he said, pouring soup into a bowl, before flipping a grilled cheese. “I think that what Roman is doing to Carrie—”

“—in his defense,” Marlena said softly, “Carrie suggested it.”

“No, Doc. Stop it with the fucking excuses,” John said. “Carrie is nineteen years old. Yes, she’s an adult, but Roman agreeing to go along with it…knowing she was desperate? That’s emotional blackmail. Plus, on her birthday? No more excuses for him.” John slid the grilled cheese onto a plate, and pushed the bowl of soup towards her. “Now, I need you to eat, baby.”

Marlena glanced at Carrie nervously, “John…the endearments…you can’t do that when we’re around other people.”

He leaned over the countertop, resting on his palms, and whispered, “And when we’re not around other people?”

Her body shook, and goosebumps covered her skin, “You…shouldn’t.”

Carrie was awake, but she kept her eyes closed. What was going on with John and Marlena? She heard John whisper, “You love me, Doc. I know you do. Why do you keep pushing me away? Why do you keep trying to make this work for Roman?”

“It’s not for Roman,” Marlena replied. “The children…G-d, John, the children have had so much upset in their lives. How can I…how can I be responsible for upsetting their lives again?”

“How stable are their lives, Doc, when all you and Roman do is fight? How tense is that house? How often are the twins sleeping over at the Shawn and Caroline’s?”

Marlena stared at him, realization dawning on her. Sami and Eric were sleeping over at Shawn and Carolines at least three times per week. Even at that moment, Sami was with Jaimie and Eric was with Bo and Shawn D. “Oh, G-d!” she whispered. She looked down at the food in front of her, and her stomach rolled. 

“Don’t do this,” John told her.

“Do what?”

“I know you’re upset, baby, but you’ve got to eat,” he said softly.

Baby. He’d called Marlena baby, in the softest, most caring tone Carrie had ever heard from him. They were still in love. Carrie wasn’t sure what she felt about that, but she knew it wasn’t anger…it wasn’t outrage. It was closer to sadness. She knew what it felt like to love someone with your heart and soul, and be denied. She opened her eyes a bare flicker, to see John rounding the counter, pulling Marlena into him. Marlena wrapped her arms around his hips, and rested her face on his abdomen. Then she looked up at him, and Carrie watched John brush his thumbs over Marlena’s cheeks so softly. When he leaned down to kiss Marlena gently, Carrie shut her eyes again. It was time to wake up.

Moving her legs around, and releasing a soft moan, Carrie allowed her eyes to flutter, as John stepped back from Marlena, saying, “Eat the food, Doc, while I speak with Carrie.”

Marlena nodded, and picked up her grilled cheese, watching John seat himself next to the girl who was, in all ways but genetics, his daughter. He looked up at her, seeing the sandwich in her hand, and he said softly, “Eat, Doc.”

Marlena took a bite with a sheepish smile, and John turned to Carrie, “I think, Punkin’, that Austin should speak with Abe. Tell him everything.”

Carrie gasped, “He can’t! He’ll be arrested!”

“I’ll get him a lawyer. A good one. He’ll speak with Abe, and Abe only, with the attorney present,” John told her gently. “I can arrange everything.”

“What about what Roman said? He was planning to arrest Austin, until I promised to stay away.”

“Carrie, that’s not okay. Your father is a police officer. He’s not allowed to make those types of deals with you,” John said carefully. “That’s why, I think Austin should speak with Abe. Abe has no bias in this case, and your Dad…well, he does.”

“Will he get in trouble?” she asked him softly.

John sighed, “I can’t say for sure. When I was Commander…it would have been grounds for a suspension while an investigation was done. I can’t say for sure how Abe would handle it.”

Carrie took a deep breath, “He could get suspended?”

“We don’t know what will happen,” John said. “You’ve got to understand though, what Roman is doing to you…Punkin’ that’s emotional blackmail. The ethics is questionable. If he’s willing to do this to his daughter, what else might he do under the guise of police work?”
Marlena sat in silence eating her food. John was right, as much as she wanted to deny it, he was right. The Roman that returned to her, and their children, and his family, wasn’t the same man who had been torn away from them nine years earlier. 

Carrie thought about what he was saying, and then she thought about how she had felt over the last five days, “I want to help Austin, but a lawyer…a lawyer can cost a lot.”

“I’ve got more money than I know what to do with. Do you want to call Austin? Have him come over here, and we can talk? We’ll discuss his options.”

“He’s going to be angry,” she said softly. “He’s going to be angry about what I promised my Dad.”

“Don’t you think he has a right to be?” John asked her. “Carrie you can’t make decisions without him. Not if you truly love him, but I think, if he loves you the way I think he does, he’ll get over it pretty quickly.”

Marlena smiled around the spoon in her mouth, quickly swallowing down the last of her soup. John was such a good man, and a great father. Setting her spoon down, she realized she felt full for the first time in quite a while. She yawned widely. 

John leaned closer to Carrie, “Call Austin. I’m going to have Marlena lie down upstairs, and then I’ll make a fresh pot of coffee. It could be a long afternoon. Where are the twins?”

“Sami has a sleepover with Jaimie, and Eric is with Bo and Shawn D out on the boat for the weekend,” she said. Marlena seemed so tired, and her weight was worrying Carrie. She was so used to seeing Marlena healthy, and full of life, but over the last year she had been declining.

Carrie went to the telephone, while watching John speak to Marlena in low tones out of the corner of her eye. 

John took Marlena’s hand softly, and she looked at Carrie quickly, trying to pull away. He leaned closer, “Stop it, Doc. Now come on.”

“Where are you taking me?” she whispered.

“To bed,” he replied. 

Marlena’s eyes got wide, “What?”

John laughed lightly, “In the guest room, Doc. You’re going to take a nap in the guest room.”

Carrie decided to say something, “Marlena, you really do look incredibly tired. Are you getting any sleep?”

“Not much,” Marlena responded wryly. “I’m having heartburn lately, and all of the stress seems to be affecting my sleep, and my skin.”

Carrie seemed more concerned, “Your skin?”

“Just minor breakouts,” Marlena said, yawning again. “Antibacterial soap and witch hazel will clear it up.”

“Come on, Marlena,” John cajoled. “Off to bed.”

“What about the Austin situation?”

“Carrie and I have a plan, and you have to sleep for a few hours.”

“Okay,” she said softly. Just the idea of sleep sounded like heaven.

Carrie watched John lead Marlena upstairs, and it occurred to her that somehow, all of their lives, had gone incredibly wrong. The way she remembered their lives, when she and John, Marlena and the twins were a family…it was almost as if it were a dream. Was that type of joy real? Because all she could remember over the last few years was tension and sadness. 

They reached the landing at the top of the stairs, and Marlena asked John softly, “Can I sleep in your room?”

“Doc…”

“I know. I know,” she said. She started to go into the guest room, and John pulled her back.

“I didn’t say, no,” he whispered, threading his fingers through hers. “But having you in my bedroom, in my bed…it makes me imagine things. It makes me want things.”

“I know,” she whispered, staring up at him. “I’m sorry. I said it before thinking it out completely. You’re right. The guest room is a better idea.”

He stood over her, and he felt the rapid beating of his heart. His common sense was at war with his emotions, when he rasped, “G-d, baby, I want you in my bed so fucking bad.”

When her back hit the wall beside his bedroom, she sighed. How was she going to stop them from continuing this affair, when neither one of them had any restraint? “John,” she said, glancing toward the stairs. “John, Carrie could come up here. We can’t do this.”

His breath wafted over her lips, “And if we were alone?”

“I can’t think like that.”

John stepped back, releasing her quickly, when he heard footsteps on the stairs. They seemed unnaturally loud, and he smirked, knowing that Carrie was warning him of her impending appearance. “Hey, Punkin’. Did you get ahold of Austin?” John asked her, his voice thick.

“He’s on the way,” Carrie told him softly. “I’m going to start the coffee. I’ll see you downstairs.” She turned her back, with a small smirk. She had no idea what was going on with those two. Maybe she didn’t want to know, but she had decided to stay out of it. Come what may.

John stared down at Marlena, and whispered, “Where do you want to sleep?”

She was silent for so long. She found herself lost in a tug of war. What she wanted versus what she knew she should do. But desire won the war, and Marlena breathed, “I want to sleep in your bed.”

John pulled her into his bedroom, and folded back the covers of the bed he’d made only hours before. The scent of him wafted across her face, and Marlena sighed, feeling tension leave her body. John’s fingers brushed her cheek lightly, “Climb in, Doc. I’ll check on you in a little while.”

Marlena sank into his bed, allowing his essence to surround her, and John smiled, when she sighed, “Oh…you smell so good.”

Chapter 14

John stood on the pier, waiting for Abe to show up, and thought about Marlena. He’d seen her at the hospital earlier, and she seemed tired. When he’d asked her about eating, she smiled at him softly, and said, “I’m eating. I promise.” 

An ache settled in his heart, watching her walk away, but he let her go. He wanted to follow her into her office, but he couldn’t. It would lead to wanting more, to possibly pressuring her, and she had been serious about needing space.

He heard Abe’s footsteps before he saw him. Abe stepped onto the pier, and said in a friendly manner, “You executives, and your long lunch breaks.”

John eyed him warily, “Yeah.”

“How are you doing these days?” Abe asked him, but John didn’t answer. “Hey, hey, hey, look, I’m not trying to pry. I’m asking as a friend.” 

“Whose friend? Mine or Roman’s?” John asked him.

“Both of you,” Abe said. “I don’t want either one of you to get hurt.”

“He told you about Carrie, didn’t he?” John asked. Roman had told Abe his version of what had happened with John and Carrie.

“Look, John…Roman’s jealous of you. I mean, not on the surface, but deep down inside this is gnawing away at him,” Abe told him. “I mean, he thinks first it’s Carrie…and then it’ll be Marlena.”

John knew there was more truth to that statement than Abe knew, but he decided not to get into that point, “I called you down here to talk to you about something. Something related to Carrie and Austin. I don’t want Roman involved.”

“John, I can’t—”

“—Abe, Roman made a deal with Carrie. He wouldn’t arrest Austin…if she gave him up.”

“What?” 

“He told Carrie he was going to arrest Austin, because of some deal he cut with a guy named Tim,” John said. “Carrie told him, if he left Austin alone, she’d break up with him.”

Abe remembered an argument he’d had with Roman a week earlier, when Roman said they should drop the case against Austin because they didn’t have enough evidence. “Are you certain?” Abe whispered.

“Carrie came to me, herself, Abe. Her and Marlena. We discussed it, and decided that Austin, with an attorney, will come to the station and give a statement to you, only you, about the gambling ring that was being run out of Johnny Angels. Roman cannot be involved in this Abe, because you know as well as I do, that Roman has a serious ethics violation because he made that deal with Carrie. Now, what you choose to do with that information is your business,” John said. “But, Carrie is miserable without Austin, and what Roman was doing to her…emotional blackmail, Abe, that’s fucking abusive.”

“When is Austin planning to give this statement?”

“This afternoon, if you’re ready for him to come in.”

“With an attorney?” Abe asked.

“Damn straight, partner, with an attorney. The kids not going to be railroaded,” John said.

“How can you be certain he’s telling the truth?”

“Why don’t you listen to what the young man has to say, and decide for yourself?” John asked him. “But he’s not giving a statement to Roman. I don’t want Roman involved.”

“John! You’re not a police officer anymore, you don’t make the rules!” Abe said in frustration. 

“Do you know what’s going to happen when Roman finds out that Carrie and Austin have given you a statement?” John said staring at Abe. “He has no idea how much Marlena knows. He can’t, Abe. Have you seen Marlena recently? Have you?”
“No.”

“She’s lost weight. She barely eats. She’s exhausted all the time, Abe! If Roman finds out that she’s known about Austin’s problems the whole time…no, it’s better this way. He’s going to be angry at Carrie, but she told me she expects it,” John said.

“John, Roman is not the enemy!”

John said loudly, “Abe, you know only what Roman wants you to know! Nothing more!”

Was it possible that Roman had violated protocol, and made a deal with Carrie, promising not to arrest Austin? If he had, that brought into question every decision Roman made as an officer. Abe would have to do an investigation. Roman would be suspended until the investigation was completed. Shit. Abe sighed, “Can Austin come in at 4:00 this afternoon? I’ve got to have time to get a stenographer.”

“He can,” John said, tossing a pebble into the river. “But remember, Marlena stays out of this Abe. She can’t keep fighting with Roman. It’s wearing her down to nothing.”

John turned to walk away, and Abe grabbed his arm, “John, it’s obvious you still care for Marlena…does Roman have cause to be jealous?” John refused to make eye contact, and Abe whispered, “You still love Marlena, don’t you?”

“That’s a hell of a question to ask me, partner.”

“I’m not asking this for Roman! I’m asking for you,” Abe said emphatically. “You need somebody to talk to. I’m your friend. You can trust me. I wanna help you.”

John turns to look at him, with pain etching his features, “Abe, even if I were in love with Marlena…what am I going to do? She’s married to Roman. She’s got a family…how could I ask her to walk away from that?”

“Some men might.”

“I’ve thought about it,” John said, kicking a barrel. “I thought, I was over her, Abe. When I was married to Isabella…I thought, I was over her.”

“You were, because you found another woman to love.”

“Was I?” John looked at him helplessly, “I mean really? Besides, what are you saying? That’s the answer…find another woman?”

“With Isabella, it worked, didn’t it?” Abe said simplistically. “It’s either that, or you’re going to spend the rest of your life alone.”

“Maybe,” John said, walking away. “Maybe not.”

Abe shouted, “John!”

John stopped and turned around, a look of sadness filling his eyes, “I need you to promise, no matter what you decide to do with Roman, I don’t want him involved in Austin’s case…I promised Carrie.”

“Roman is on a stakeout. He’s out in the field until tomorrow morning,” Abe said. “I promise.”

John stared at him for a long time, and then said softly, “Thank you.”

Abe watched John walk away with a sinking feeling in his gut. He’d have to open an investigation. They could lose footing on the whole gambling case, because Roman decided to use his position to blackmail his daughter. Abe was in shock. He wasn’t sure he even knew Roman anymore. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena glanced at the clock on her bedside table when the telephone rang at 9:45 pm. Roman was on a stakeout, and the twins were in bed. She was wrapped in a bathrobe, having just gotten out of the shower. Her skin was dewy, and curls framed her face, where she had it pinned on top of her head. She stared at her bed longingly, as she sat down on the edge and stared at the phone.

She and the twins had a wonderful evening watching movies, and eating pizza. Marlena couldn’t remember having a night like that in quite a while. She’d been so content to curl into the couch, with one on each side of her, laughing over a film. And while the evening had brought her so much joy, it brought sadness as well. Marlena knew that if Roman had been home, the twins would have looked for somewhere else to say, and prior to her conversation with John at the loft, she may not have made the connection. 

She lifted the telephone receiver, on the fourth ring, and said softly, “Hello?”

“Hey, Doc,” John said quietly. “I just spoke with Carrie. Abe and the DA have agreed to not press charges against Austin.”

“Oh!” Marlena said with a gasp. “Really?”

“They agreed that although Austin broke the law, he had gone out of his way to end the gambling ring, even with that last boxing match he did on Gus’s orders. They’re going after Gus,” John said. “But, Gus left town a long time ago, as soon as the case broke open, and he left Tim holding the bag.”

“But, Austin…Austin won’t be arrested?”

“He won’t,” John said with a smile. “He’ll be expected to testify if Gus is ever caught, but he won’t be arrested. So, hopefully, you can get a good nights sleep.”

Marlena took the clip out of her hair, and shook her hair free. She leaned back against some pillows on her bed with a sigh, and she whispered, “Thank you.”

“Doc, I would do anything for you, and my kids. You know that.”

“Roman…is Roman going to be investigated?”

“I think so,” John said carefully. “Abe didn’t say for sure, but it’s protocol.”

“He’s going to be so angry,” she said softly.

“Abe promised me, Doc…you won’t be mentioned. I couldn’t keep Carrie out of it, but Carrie said…for Austin, she was willing to accept Roman’s wrath,” John told her. “I think, Doc…maybe you need to start looking at your situation from the outside.”

“What do you mean?”

“Roman, Doc…what he’s doing to you, Carrie…the twins…Doc, its abuse,” John told her as gently as he could. “It’s verbal, and emotional abuse. You’ve got to know that.”

Marlena found herself scrambling to find and excuse for him, “I—I…he doesn’t mean it…”

“No, baby, please…just think about it. What would you tell someone else, if their husband hurt their daughter, the way Roman hurt Carrie? What would you tell another woman who wasting away because her husband argued with her on a nearly constant basis? You have to notice that Sami and Eric try not to be around when Roman is home…please, Doc!” John said, pleading with her. “Tell me you see this?”

Marlena was silent for so long, John was about to ask her if she was still on the line, but softly she said, “You’re right, but I—I don’t know what to do.”

“I want you to leave him, Doc,” John said. “It’s unhealthy for you, and the twinners, they’re avoiding being home, simply to get away from Roman.”

Marlena started crying softly, “I know.”

“You don’t have to make any decisions right away, baby. I’m not expecting you to be with me, or even move in with me…but, I’m worried about you, and the kids. We can discuss us later,” he said gently. He paused for a moment, and he said, “Were you getting ready for bed?”

“Yes,” she said. “I just got out of the shower…I—I need to get dressed.”

John imagined her sitting on the edge of her bed in a fuzzy robe, and he said jokingly, “You’re not dressed?”

Marlena wiped her tears and smiled. John had a way of turning her mood around so effortlessly, “Well, I’m wearing a robe.”

“A fuzzy robe or a satin one?”

“Fuzzy,” Marlena laughed.

“With nothing underneath?”

“John!” Her breath hitched, and she said, “Nothing.”

He reclined back on his own bed, wearing only a pair of sweatpants, “Are you in bed?”

She whispered, “I’m on the bed.”

“Open your robe for me,” he asked her roughly.

“John…I thought we stopped this.”

“I’m nowhere near you, Doc. I can’t touch you…you’re on the other side of town,” he whispered.

“But it’s wrong,” she told him. “It’s not right. It’s still…an affair.”

“I’m on my bed,” he told her in a husky voice. “I’m wearing the sweatpants I loaned you last month.”

Her breath caught, as she tried to picture him on his bed. She found herself wondering, trying to create a visual, and she knew it was so wrong, but she asked him,  “What about…a shirt?”

John smiled. She was interested. His cock was lengthening, and he pushed the palm of his hand against it, saying, “No shirt.”

Was he wearing boxers, she whispered, “What about—”

“—just sweatpants, Doc. Nothing else,” he murmured.

Her body shook, “Oh.”

“Open your robe, Marlena…and tell me when it’s done.”

His voice, the way he said things with such authority, so different from Roman. John wasn’t condescending. He respected her boundaries, and with the tone of his voice, she wanted nothing more than to submit to his demands. Her fingers fumbled with the tie at her waist, and she whispered, “It’s open.”

“Pull your nipples, and imagine my teeth on you.”

“John,” she breathed, clenching her fist at her side. “I can’t.”

“You want to.”

“Oh, G-d, I do.”

“Stop fighting it, baby. My teeth are biting your nipples. Pull on them. Pinch them,” he said, pushing down on his cock again. John heard her soft moan, and he told her, “It feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes…”

“How does your pussy feel?”

Marlena gasped at his filthy words, echoing in her ear, and she whispered, “Achy.”

“I want you to touch yourself. Rub your clit for me,” he said. 

Marlena could hear him shuffling around, and she asked him, “Are you…are you naked now?”

“Baby, my cock is so hard…I asked you to open your robe, it’s only fair that I participate. Do you like that? Picturing me on my bed naked, with my legs spread wide? Rubbing my cock and thinking of you?”

“Oh, G-d!” she whispered helplessly. “Yes…”

“Did you know, I keep a bottle of lube in the drawer beside my bed? Sometimes, I coat myself in it, and if I squeeze just right, I can imagine sliding in and out of your hot body.”

“John! Are you…are doing that now?” she gasped, feeling the ache inside her grow.

“Do you want me too?”

Marlena mind conjured his body, with a bottle of lubrication lying next to him. His strong hand sliding over his length, and she cried, “Yes!”

“Touch your pussy for me, baby. Touch yourself, and I’ll—I’ll come with you.” He reached into the drawer beside him, making noise as he shuffled around, and he flicked the cap open, squirting a large dollop into his palm.

Marlena heard his sigh, and the wet glide of his hand over his cock. She wanted to be there, laying by his side. She wanted it to be her hand sliding up and down his length. Tentatively, she touched her pussy. Her flesh was so hot, so swollen. She was so wet.

She sighed, and John heard her, saying, “Touch your clit. Rub it for me.” Her short gasp told him what she was doing. “That’s it Marlena, rub it, while I imagine my mouth on you.”

“John…John…”

“It’s going to come fast tonight, isn’t it? Let go, Doc. Let go…imagine my mouth on you nipples, and my fingers burying themselves inside you. Imagine…what I would do if you were beside me on my bed,” he rasped. His hand pulled roughly at his dick, long strokes, as he imagined pumping into her body. “Fuck, Doc,” he groaned.

“John,” she whispered, allowing John’s seductive voice to help the tension leave her body. “I’m so close.”

“Relax, baby. Relax.”

His voice seduced her, and she felt the tension in her body draining away, as her orgasm took hold, “John…oh, John!”

John cried out, “Doc!” as he came all over his abdomen thinking of what a vision she must be, across town, spread out on her bed naked…thinking of him.

Chapter 15

Shawn stared into Roman’s angry eyes, and he said, “Ye be putting’ all ye pettiness aside, Roman. This party is for Carrie. It’s late, but she deserves a birthday party just like all of the other grandkids.”

“It should be a family party!” Roman said loudly, pounding his fist on the bar. He was furious that John was invited, as well as Austin. 

“No!” Caroline said angrily, coming from the kitchen of the pub. “It’s Carrie’s party! And Roman, you’ve got to respect that. I don’t want you ruining this for her.”

“Well, I don’t think I can handle being in the room with either of them. Austin is going to break Carrie’s heart, because he’s a fucking loser,” Roman raged.

“Roman Augustus Brady! Ye’ll not be speaking like that in front of ye mother!” Shawn shouted.

Roman had the good form to look sheepish, as he said, more softly, “Sorry, Ma.”

“Carrie loves Austin,” Caroline said softly. “She loves John and Brady, and she wants them here for her birthday party.”

“John got me suspended from the force!”

“Ah, no, son…don’t be blamin’ others for the fine mess ye got yerself into,” Shawn said. “What ye did was wrong. Ye know that!”

“I think maybe, I shouldn’t be here at all, because I’m not going to be able to hold my tongue,” Roman muttered.

Shawn stared at his oldest son, and said sadly, “If ye think that’s best…but I won’t be havin’ you ruining Carrie’s party. I won’t!”

Roman looked around the pub, staring at the decorations dotting the tables, and hanging from the walls. He was angry. He was angry at Carrie, John, and Austin. He was suspended without pay from the force, and no matter what his father said, he blamed John. The man had hired a fucking lawyer for Austin. His own daughter had given a statement against him, and that was all John’s doing. He looked between his parents and said, “I think I’m going to go. I can’t be here for this.”

Caroline looked at Shawn sadly, as Roman stormed from the pub, saying softly, “He’s destroying his family, Shawn. His anger is destroying his life.”

“We can’t change that, Caroline,” Shawn said sadly. “But it ain’t gone unnoticed by me, either. Have ye seen how unhappy Marlena is?”

Caroline didn’t respond right away, but she’d seen Marlena the day before. She had lost weight, and she seemed to almost be in a daze. Caroline had asked over her health, but Marlena claimed she simply was tired. 

“I’m fine Caroline,” she’d said. “I haven’t been sleeping well. I still have nightmares about being in the pit, but Kim is helping with those.”

That’s for sure,” Roman said loudly. “She tosses and turns all night, keeping me up.”

Roman had seemed to completely lack empathy for his wife’s struggles, and later, when Caroline had attempted to drawn his attention to it, he’d brushed her off saying, “Ma! She’s fine. She’ll get over it. She’ll bounce back!”

But Caroline wasn’t so sure she would. Juggling Brady on her hip, she was just about to put him down for a nap, when Marlena arrived. Her tired eyes lit up when she saw Brady. Marlena approached her with her arms out, exclaiming, “Brady! What a beautiful boy!”

Shawn laughed, “Now, Marlena. Brady there…he’s handsome.”

Marlena stared at the baby in her arms, and said softly, “No, he’s beautiful.”

“He’s got beautiful eyes…John’s eyes,” Caroline said. She watched Marlena stare at Brady, enamored with the boy, and she thought fleetingly, that had Marlena had a child with John, it would have been beautiful as well. She shook her head, as if the rapid movement would wipe the thought from her mind.

Marlena nearly whispered, “He does…have John’s eyes.”

“I was just getting ready to lay him down for a nap,” Caroline said.

“Oh! Let me do it,” Marlena said excitedly, cradling the boy in her arms. “I so miss when the twins were young.” She glanced around and then asked, “I thought Roman said he would be here?”

“Roman has decided he can’t be in the same room with John and Austin, so he’s gone,” Shawn volunteered. He found himself confused, when Marlena seemed to brighten a bit.

Caroline noticed as well, and she said, “It may be for the best. Carrie would be so upset if there was a scene between the people she loves the most.”

“You’re right,” Marlena said softly. Brady’s eyes were closing, and his little fist had twisted in the cotton of her sage green sweater. “I’ll go put Brady down,” Marlena told them. “Is it the same room?”

Caroline smiled, “Yes. Kayla’s old bedroom.”

Marlena went down the hallway, and entered the house through the rear of the pub. Brady smelled like baby soap and powder, and she inhaled his scent. She loved the boy so much, as if he was her own, and she knew she shouldn’t think like that. She wasn’t Brady’s mother. She could never be Brady’s mother. Entering Kayla’s old bedroom, Marlena laid Brady in the crib at the back of the room. 

At ten months old, he was growing so quickly, and in less than a year John had married Isabella, had a son, and lost his wife to cancer. Her heart broke when she thought about it. 

The door to the bedroom opened quietly, and John slipped inside. Marlena looked up at him, and said, “Brady is such a beautiful baby.”

“He’s handsome, Doc,” John whispered.

Marlena chuckled softly, “Now you sound like Shawn.”

John touched her face gently, allowing his fingers to trace over her eyebrows, and along her jaw. Marlena had a sharp intake of breath and she stared up at him. He was mesmerized by her. “How are you feeling?” he asked her, noticing her tired eyes.

“I’ve been having nightmares…about the kidnapping,” she said. “I’m fine.”

“Have you thought about taking anything to help you sleep?”

Marlena shook her head, “No, John. I’m fine. It will all work itself out.”

“Where are the twins?”

“They’re coming with Bo and Shawn D…they spent the night on the boat.”

“Was Roman home last night?” he asked her.

She knew what he was really asking, what he was insinuating, “John…”

“Was he?”

“Yes,” she whispered. 

“Do you see the pattern, baby? They’re avoiding their own father,” John said in frustration. “Just because Roman doesn’t beat you, or hit the children, doesn’t mean the environment isn’t unhealthy. Doc, it’s toxic for them to be growing up in a space like that! You’re a psychiatrist. You know that!”

She stepped forward, resting her forehead on his chest, and said, “I’m so tired, John. Physically, and emotionally.”

“Why do you keep trying to make your marriage to Roman work, when he’s determined to live his life however he sees fit?” John asked her, rubbing his large palms comfortingly over her back. “Why, Doc?”

She looked up at John, tears shining in her eyes, and she said, “He was with Stefano for seven years. Seven years, he was locked in a cell…he won’t even discuss, but I’ve laid in bed beside him, and I’ve heard him call out in his sleep. I’ve heard him beg for the pain to stop, and I’ve heard him cry out for me and the children.”

“He needs help, Marlena…he needs therapy.”

Marlena gave a short, wry laugh, “I mentioned it once, when he first came home, and he reacted so strongly. It was a firm no.”

“You can’t let him abuse you—”

“—its not abuse—”

“—stop it, Doc!” John said, gripping her face and staring into her eyes. “You can’t continue to subject yourself and the children to his anger, and his controlling nature, simply because you feel sorry for him!”

She started crying, “I’m not.”

“You are,” he whispered, wiping her tears from her face with the pads of his thumbs. “You’re so unhappy. I can see it. I can feel it. The Marlena I know is strong. She’s fierce, and she would do anything within her power to protect her children.”

“John,” she whispered, gripping his shirt tightly in her clenched fists. “I can’t think about this right now. Carrie will be here soon, and I can’t be…upset. Roman’s decided not to come, and—”

“—because of me?” he wanted to know.

“Roman’s angry about Carrie and Austin going to Abe, and he’s furious that you helped them…he was…he was suspended,” Marlena said quietly. “He’s angry, and he seems to be blaming it all on you.”

“That’s fine,” John said. “I can handle it. I don’t want him to be angry with you.”

“Maybe…maybe, I should tell him that I knew?”

“Absolutely not, Doc!” John said fervently. “No. He won’t take it well, and I’m…I’m fine. He can be as angry as he wants towards me, but not you, baby. Not you.”

Caroline stood outside of the bedroom. She heard every word they said, and even the ones that they didn’t. The love, the trust, and the faith between John and Marlena was evident with every word they spoke, and as upsetting as it was, John was right. Roman had created an environment so toxic, that even his own family was suffering from it. Caroline smiled softly when she heard John’s last words, “I want to protect you. Marlena please, don’t feel guilty and tell him you knew about the trouble that Austin was is please. Can you promise me you won’t tell him? Let me take the burden of this.”

Caroline saw Kim turn the corner, and she rushed forward, tugging on her daughters arm, and pulled her into another bedroom.

Marlena stared up at John, lost in his eyes, and she told him, “Okay.”

John thought about their phone call two days earlier, and he felt his cock stir. He rested his forehead against hers, “I love you.”

“John…”

“I just need to hear it, Doc. Sometimes I think I’m imagining it all. Our past together. Our family. How much you loved me,” he told her.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t…but, I do. I—I can’t imagine my life without you. I couldn’t—I wouldn’t be able to handle any of this without you.”

John kissed her lips softly. She tasted of Marlena. An exquisite mix of flowers, sweetness, and memories. Licking his tongue over her mouth softly, he kissed her again.

Marlena’s mind wanted to shut him down. Placing her palms against his chest, she whispered, “John…”

John stared at her, and he said, “The other night, Doc…the other night, as I lay in my bed imagining your fingers buried in your pussy…I came all over myself like a fucking teenager. No one…absolutely no one, has ever affected me the way you do. And I know, Roman doesn’t know all of the secrets of your body, but I do.” She stared at him, taking short gasps of air, and John whispered, “We’re going to go out to the pub, and attend Carrie’s party. We’ll be best friends, who used to be married…but when I get home tonight, I’m going to make myself come all over again imagining your mouth on my cock.”

Marlena stood immobile right where John left her for the next five minutes. As she tried to calm her breathing, and slow her rapidly beating heart, she imagined the length of John’s cock sliding in and out of her mouth.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kim didn’t know how to respond to her mother’s question, until she finally blurted, “Ma, I—I can’t say anything. You know that! Marlena is still seeing me to process the kidnapping.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Caroline said, sitting on the bed. “I could hear it in their voices.”

“Did either one of them say I love you?”

“No, but Kimberly, I’ve lived long enough to hear it in every other word they uttered,” Caroline said nervously. “John was begging her to leave Roman. He’s worried about her. He’s worried about the twins…and as much as I wish he wasn’t, he’s right.”

Kim sat down on the bed, next to her mother, “Right about what, Ma?”

“The twins…they avoid Roman. They’re…scared of him, and what he did to Carrie. That was completely unacceptable.” Caroline stood up, going to the window. “You know, when I had my affair with Victor—”

“—Ma, we don’t have to talk about this.”

“I do,” she whispered. “Your Dad, he was working long hours. He—he wasn’t there for me. I was so lonely, Kimberly. I had an affair with Victor, because I felt so alone. I felt something just now, as I heard John and Marlena speaking. It was more than loneliness, much more. They’re still in love, and if they aren’t currently having an affair…they will be soon.”

Chapter 16

“Hi, Daddy,” Sami said shyly, sliding into the booth next to him.

“Hey, Peanut,” he said sliding his arm around her small frame. “Are you signed up for soccer yet?”

“Well, I was…but Mr. Baker, Sarah’s Dad, he broke his foot, and the league said they’re having a hard time finding a coach. I was real sad about it, but then Mom just told me that maybe…you might wanna do it?” Sami asked him hopefully. John glanced over at the table across the pub, where Marlena sat with Kimberly. Brady sat contentedly in her arms. Their eyes met and locked for a moment, before John looked back down at Sami.

“You want me to coach your soccer team?” John asked her, feeling emotion well up in his throat. “Are you sure?”

“Sure, I’m sure,” Sami said with a small giggle. “And then, maybe I’d get to spend more time with you,” she said softly. “‘Cause I miss you.”

Marlena slid into the booth across from him, wearing a beige cardigan that he’d bought her years before. It tore at his heart, while he also felt himself fall a little more involve with her. She had Brady wrapped in her arms, and John noticed that his son had fallen asleep with a lock of her hair twisted in his small fist. John couldn’t understand how seeing Marlena in mom mode, could turn him on, but it did. She reached across the table, taking John’s hand in hers, and she said softly, “Would you be willing to catch Sami’s soccer team? Without a coach, she might not have a season.”

She was giving him time with Sami. John squeezed her hand, and felt tears in his eyes. Looking at Sami, John released Marlena’s hand, and tickled the tiny blonde child beside him, “You’d like that, brat?”

“Yeah,” Sami squealed. “I’d like that!”

“Like what?” Eric ask, coming over to see what all the excitement was about.

Sami said loudly, too loudly, “Daddy said, he’s gonna coach my soccer team!”

Marlena looked around quickly, noting the stares of Abe and Lexie sitting nearby, “Sami, honey, you need to call him John.”

Eric said softly, “It doesn’t feel right, calling him that. Can we call him something else?”

Sami got excited, “Oh, oh, oh! Can we call him Aba? My friend Hadassah calls her daddy, Aba.”

“But Sami,” John said softly. “I’m not your father.”

The girl started crying, “I don’t like calling you, John! Eric’s right…it feels weird!”

Kim came over, “Hey Sami, Eric, I heard Pop was in the kitchen having a hard time scooping ice cream.”

“Ice cream!” Sami cried hopping off of John’s lap. She raced towards the kitchen with Eric on her heels.

Marlena ran her hand softly over Brady’s back, enjoying the way he was snuggled into her. Glancing at Kim, she said, “I don’t know what to do. They miss John so much, and they’re still calling him Daddy. They don’t do it around Roman, but I can’t seem to get them to stop. It’s been over a year, and…they’re in so much pain.”

“I think, taking John away from them completely, did more harm, then good,” Kim said softly, so the people around them wouldn’t overhear the conversation. Glancing at John, she said, “The twins are uncomfortable calling you John, and they can’t call you Daddy. My personal opinion is that calling you Aba is a happy medium. They still feel like they have a special connection to you, and Roman won’t lose his mind if he finds out.”

John leaned forward, saying, “Aba mean father in Hebrew, Kim.”

Kim shrugged, “I’m almost certain Roman doesn’t know that.”

“I don’t know,” Marlena said slowly. She felt herself getting sick at the thought of another argument with Roman, and it was already inevitable when he found out about John coaching Sami’s soccer team.

“Doc,” John said, reaching for her hand. “It’s not a big deal. They can get used to calling me John, they just need practice.”

Marlena’s eyes welled up, “They’ve lost so much, John. Why do they have to lose that too? Kim’s right. Roman very likely has no idea what it means, and it’s a way for the twins to keep their connection to you, to call you something that’s more personal.”

“Are you sure about the soccer coaching?” he wanted to know.

Kim watched them, noticing that John still held Marlena’s hand. Marlena smiled softly, “Roman’s going to be angry, but I—I can handle it. Kim suggested it almost a month ago, and Sami…oh, John, the way her face lit up when I suggested it…I’ll handle Roman, but you can’t say no. Not now.”

Sami came running out of the kitchen, “Cake time! Cake time!”

Eric followed her yelling, “And ice cream!”

John rubbed his thumb over the top of Marlena’s hand, and stared at the twins with so much love, it made Kim’s heart ache a little. He said to Marlena, “I’ll take whatever you allow me, Doc. I love those kids so much.”

Sami ran over, wrapping her small arms around John’s shoulder, “I missed you so much, and now you get to be my soccer coach!”

Roman wasn’t sure what he’d walked in on. Marlena sat across from John in a booth, with Brady cradled against her, while John held her hand. Kim sat beside Marlena, as if his wife holding hands with another man was nothing out of the ordinary, and his daughter was hanging on John, as if her were her father. Staring at Marlena, he said abruptly, “You mind explaining what the fuck I just walked in on?”

Marlena’s eyes shot up towards Roman, and the first thing John saw was fear. She pulled her hand slowly from his, and said, “Roman, I’d appreciate it, if you didn’t use that language in front of Sami.”

“That’s what you’re going to focus on right now, Doc?” Roman said with venom. “Why don’t we focus on the fact that you and John are all cozied up over here holding hands, and discussing him being Sami’s soccer coach!”

Kim watched Sami flinch and stare up at Roman with wide eyes. She reached for the girl, saying softly, “Why don’t you find Grandpa Shawn, and have him come over here for me?”

Sami shook her head refusing to go, and tightened her arms around John, whispering, “No.”

John smiled at the small girl, “Hey, Peanut. It’s okay. We’re just going to have a grown up conversation, and you don’t need to be here for it.”

“But you’re still gonna coach soccer, right? You’re not gonna change your mind, right Aba?”

John could almost feel Roman’s rage rolling of of him, but he told Sami, “A promise is a promise, Samantha Gene, and I made a promise.”

“Over my fucking dead body!” Roman roared. The pub became silent.

John felt himself getting angrier when Sami flinched again. Tipping Sami’s face up to his he whispered, so low that no one else could hear, “Samantha, you don’t need to be brave right now. I need you to go. Find someone you love, and let me and your mother deal with this. Okay?”

She wiped her tears furiously, and she said, “Okay.”

“That’s my Peanut,” he said. Turning to Marlena, he said, “Doc, give Brady to Sami, please.”

Kim watched Sami walk slowly away, with a sleeping Brady in her arms, and then she looked at Roman, “What the hell was that?”

“Me? Why am I the problem here?” he yelled. 

Marlena noticed that the room around them had gone quiet, and she said, “Roman we should take this conversation outside.”

“Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you? My whole family would like it if I just shuffled myself out of the way. Why not, right? You’ve got John! You’ve got Brady!”

Shawn approached, after setting down the tray with the ice cream on the bar, “I think ye should go outside, and finish the conversation, Roman. This is Carrie’s party, and ye won’t be disruptin’ it.”

Marlena slid out of the booth, when Kim stood up, and she touched Roman’s arm softly, “Roman, please. Let’s go outside.”

Roman looked at her for a moment, and then at John, Kim, and his father. He turned abruptly on his heel, and walked out of the pub. Marlena started to follow him, and John caught her fingers, “Doc.”

“No, John. Stay inside, and enjoy Carrie’s party with everyone else,” she said. “I’ll speak with Roman.”

Roman stood outside seething. He had no control over anything in his life. He’d been imprisoned for seven years and life had continued without him. His family hadn’t even noticed he was gone. Marlena cautiously stepped outside, and approached him. His feelings for her were an odd mix of love, treachery, and hatred, but he would never admit that to anyone. He was barely able to admit to himself. 

Roman stared at her, and said, “Maybe now you can explain what the hell all that was inside the pub?”

“Sami’s soccer team lost their coach, and she asked John to do it,” Marlena said softly.

“Absolutely not,” Roman said. “He’s not her fucking father!”

“He knows that! Sami knows that, Roman! It’s just a coaching position. Otherwise she won’t be able to play this season.”

“She should have asked me!”

“Asked you?” Marlena said, feeling herself getting angry. “And what would you have told her, Roman? Are you telling me right now that you would cut back on your work hours, and make time to coach her team twice a week, and be available for games on Saturdays?”

“I could check my—”

“—don’t insult me by lying to me!” she said in frustration. “You would have told her you wanted to do it, but you couldn’t, because of your work schedule, or a new case you were assigned to. Don’t insult my intelligence and try to pretend you would have made time for her.”

“So John’s a better father?” Roman said stepping closer to her. “That’s what you’re saying.”

Marlena sighed, stepping back slightly, “I never said that. But Sami needs a coach, and John’s available and willing. Why would you begrudge her that?”

“She’s my daughter!”

“We’re not property!” Marlena said in exasperation. 

“And the hand holding?” Roman sneered, remembering the sight of John’s thumb as he stroked the top of Marlena’s hand. “You want to tell me what that was about?”

“He was thanking me…for allowing Sami to ask him about coaching.”

“So who’s idea was it, yours or Sami’s?”

“Kim’s,” Marlena said. 

Roman was momentarily taken aback, “Kim?”

“Yes, Kim. John used to coach all of the twins sports teams, and Sami’s coach, Mr. Baker broke his foot. The team needs a coach, and since you’ve never shown interest before, Kim suggested John.”

Roman glanced back towards the pub, and saw John watching them from where he sat inside. He reached out, grabbing Marlena’s upper arm so tightly, his fingers pinched the soft skin on the inside of her arm. Marlena cried out softly, “Roman, you’re hurting me!”

He ignored her, pulling her out of John’s line of sight, “I don’t want him spending time with the twins. They’re my children!”

“They’re our children,” she said. “And if John doesn’t coach, Sami won’t play!”

“So, you’re just going to ignore what I want?”
“I have done nothing, for the last year and a half, but consider you! In this, I’m going to consider our daughter,” Marlena said, shrugging his hand off of her arm. “I’m not taking soccer away from her!”

Roman stepped closer, and for the first time in her relationship with him, she felt afraid. Taking a step back, she stared up at him, and the fear in her eyes, only served to enrage him further, “You’re fucking scared of me now, Doc?”

Refusing to look away, Marlena said, “A little. I don’t like the way you’re grabbing me, and invading my personal space. It feels as if you’re trying to intentionally intimidate me, and I never took you for a bully.”

Kim stepped outside at John’s urging, and said, “Have you settled things?”

Roman glanced at Kim, knowing he’d lost this fight, and he said, “I guess so, but next time little sister, I’d appreciate of you minded your own family, and kept your nose out of mine.”

Marlena started crying almost as soon as Roman walked away. Kim rushed forward, pulling her into her arms, as Marlena hiccuped, “I can’t keep doing this…I can’t…oh, G-d, Kim, I can’t!”

Chapter 17

John lay on his couch, early in the afternoon, staring into the flickering flames of his fireplace. Marlena had continued to push him away, at least physically, since their encounter at the Titan party. She still wanted him, but anything more than a hug, or sometimes holding her hand for comfort, was not allowed. They didn’t discuss Roman. They didn’t discuss her marriage. John couldn’t say for sure whether Marlena was thinking of leaving Roman, or trying to continue to work on saving her marriage as it sank below the ocean like the Titanic. He knew nothing, and in the meantime his emotions were frazzled, in a state of constant turmoil, with Abe’s words echoing in his mind, “…because you found another woman to love…”

Rebecca turned in his arms, her naked body sliding along his, as she murmured sleepily, “You’re awake.”

Guilt wracked his body, causing an almost visceral reaction. John pushed it down. He pushed it down as far as it would go, until all that was left was a tight ball in his throat that left him feeling as if vomiting might be imminent. He smiled at her weakly, and said, “Yeah, I was just thinking.”

Rebecca traced her fingers over John’s cheek, and whispered, “About what a wonderful lover you are?”

The bile was rising, and John said, “No. I need to go check on Brady.” Shuffling Rebecca to the side he saw the tissue on the coffee table, with the tied-off condom, and he felt himself getting physically ill with dread. He had fucked up. He had fucked up so badly, he wasn’t sure he could fix this. The logical side of his brain argued with his heart. Marlena had pushed him away. She’d told him, over and over to move on. Hadn’t he done that?

As John ascended the stairs, Rebecca lifted his shirt from the floor, and put it on, with a smile. She had finally started making progress with John. She could finally say their relationship was moving forward.

A knock sounded on John’s door, and Rebecca looked towards the stairs. She knew she was only wearing John’s shirt. She also knew that answering the door to his loft, dressed so scantily, would let whoever was there, know exactly what had gone on between her and the man who resided there. With a smirk, she walked towards the door, settling her features into a look of innocence. Rebecca slid the door open, to find Marlena standing there, and she felt, deep inside, a sense of smugness. It was perfect.

Marlena was in momentary shock. She took in Rebecca, and the dark red color of John’s shirt hanging from her body. Marlena recognized the shirt. She also recognized the wrenching pain in her heart. It was the same pain she’d felt that morning in Mexico, when John had walked in with Isabella.

Rebecca smiled sweetly, “Hello, Marlena.”

“I was just…you know what, I’ll come back,” Marlena said turning to go. 

She heard John’s voice as he came down the stairs, “Hey, Rebecca, who’s at the—”

John stopped abruptly, staring at Marlena. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know, she was heartbroken. Rebecca stood to the side, watching the byplay between the two of them, and then began her apology, “John, I’m sorry. I didn’t consider how I was dressed when I opened the door.”

He swallowed thickly, and said, “That’s okay. It’s fine.”

Marlena felt sick. She’d been feeling ill for the past couple of days. She still said nothing, as she glanced between John and Rebecca. Finally she uttered, “I’ve interrupted you…I’ll go, and call next time…I’ll call first.”

John became concerned. Marlena had a fine sheen of sweat over her brow, and he stepped forward, “Doc, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said abruptly. “I’m fine. It’s just a stomach bug. I’m going to go.”

John started to say, “Doc, are you sure—” He didn’t have time to finish. Marlena tried to turn away from the doorway, but it all happened too fast. In the end, Rebecca had a stream of vomit trailing down her shirtfront and along the length of her legs, while Marlena heaved another bout across Rebecca’s feet. John shouted, “Shit! Doc! Doc!”

Marlena started crying, “I’m so sorry!”

John stepped forward, lifting her into his arms, and headed for the stairs, saying to Rebecca, “Use the shower in the guest room to clean up. There’s fresh towels in there. I’ll come check on you, after I get Doc settled.”

Rebecca stared down at herself, she was wet, and cold, and covered in John’s ex-wife’s vomit. Rebecca felt close to vomiting herself. 

Upstairs, John settled Marlena on his bed, and went into his bathroom. He returned with a cold rag, and kneeled down in front of her. Reaching out to wipe her face, Marlena smacked his hand away, and wrenched the rag from his hand, “I’ll do it.”

She was hurt, and angry. That much was obvious. He whispered, “Doc, I’m sorry you had to see that…”

Marlena looked into his beautiful blue eyes, asking him softly, “Did you make love to Rebecca?”

John sighed. He wouldn’t call it making love. He’d had sex with Rebecca. All he could do was say, “Yes.”

Marlena looked down, wiping the cold rag over her mouth, and handing it back to him. She tried to stand up, saying, “I think I should go.”

John watched her wobble on her feet, “I think you’re in no condition to drive.”

“I can’t stay here,” she told him. “I can’t stay here. Not right now. Not with your lover in the next room. John, no.”

“I won’t allow you to leave, when you’re sick, and dizzy.”

She was desperate to leave, so she said, “Call Kim to come get me. Roman won’t be available.”

John sighed, realizing there was no way she would change her mind, and he couldn’t blame her. He turned and reached for the telephone beside the bed, but instead of dialing Kim, he called the police station. Marlena was right, of course, Roman was unavailable.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Kim looked over at Marlena as she drove her home, and she said softly, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Marlena said.

Kim knew she was anything, but fine, “John said you were sick.”

“It’s a stomach bug,” she replied. “I went to his loft to drop off the agenda for the next board meeting, because Victor asked if I wouldn’t mind doing it. I vomited all over Rebecca Morrison.”

Kim laughed, “I’ve never much liked that woman.”

Marlena was silent, choosing to nurse her broken heart in silence.

“How are things with Roman going?”

“He’s still working all the time. I rarely see him. The twins rarely see him,” Marlena told her. “But, we’re not arguing. It’s hard to argue with someone who’s never home.”

Kim pulled up in front of Marlena’s house, and she put the car in park, “Do you need help getting in the house?”

“No,” Marlena said softly. “I’m fine. Thank you for the ride home. I guess, I’ll have to get my car later.”

“I’ll have Shane get it, and drop it off, if you give me your key,” Kim said quietly. “Are you sure you’re okay, Marlena?”

She wasn’t okay. She was dying inside, but she blamed herself. She had been pushing John away for weeks. Wiping a tear from her eye quickly, she whispered, “I’m fine,” and she climbed out of Kim’s car.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kim slammed the door to Roman’s office at the Salem PD so loud, he lifted his head, and shouted, “What the hell, Kim?”

“I just picked up your wife from John’s loft, and took her home, because when John called the station, you were unavailable,” Kim said, standing and leaning over his desk.

“Why was she at John’s?” he asked her, setting his feet on the desk, and leaning back in his chair.

“Wow…wow,” she said incredulously. “Really? You aren’t going to even ask me why I had to pick her up, and drive her home?”

Roman looked at her blankly, unable to get the idea of Marlena being at John’s loft out of his mind. He sighed, “Why couldn’t she drive herself?”

“She’s sick, Roman. So sick she threw up all over John’s floor and Rebecca Morrison.”

Roman smirked, “Rebecca Morrison? I always thought she was a bit pompous.” He paused, and then said, “So, Doc’s sick?”

“Yes, she’s sick, and what I want you to do is leave work, and go home, and take care of her,” Kim said. “If you don’t, it may just be the final nail in the coffin that you call your marriage.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means, you are an ass, Roman Brady. A certifiable ass, and without telling you private information that is privileged, I’d like to tell you, respectfully, to get your head out of your ass. Go home. Take care of your sick wife, and apologize for having your head so far up your own ass that you haven’t noticed your wife falling apart!”

Roman stared at her blankly, so Kim continued, “She’s not sleeping well. She’s lost weight. She’s doing everything alone! Don’t you see that? Cooking, cleaning, managing the kids schedules, her job, meals…all of it, Roman! And all you do is fucking work! If you don’t work to fix this, you will lose her!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman walked in the front door of his house before three o’clock in the afternoon, for the first time in over a year. He hung his jacket in the closet, and took the stairs slowly, wondering what condition he’d find Marlena in. As soon as he reached the top of the stairs, he heard her sobs. She was crying, and she was crying hard. Roman wasn’t heartless, and her cries pulled at him, because his sister was right…he was leaving too much to Marlena. Marriage was a partnership, and he’d left it all to her. Stepping closer to their bedroom, he opened the door slowly.

Marlena lay in the center of the bed wearing a jogging set. Her hair was still wet, and curling around her face, and her make up was washed off. She was so vulnerable. He stepped closer, whispering, “Hey, Doc.”

Marlena looked up at him, surprised to see him, “Roman?”

“Kim came by…said you were sick,” he said. “I thought I’d come home and take care of you.”

Roman came home to check on her? Marlena was confused. Her body and her mind were overloaded. She was sick, her heart was broken, and now Roman was kneeling beside the bed trying to take care of her. She simply buried her face in her arms, and continued to cry helplessly, as she saw images of Rebecca wearing nothing but John’s shirt, and John…John standing there wearing a pair of low slung sweatpants. The pain wrenched her chest, as she curled her body tighter against itself.

Roman stood up, unsure of what to do, “I’m going to go heat up some soup, and bring you some tea with it. I’ll be right back.”

Downstairs he picked up the telephone dialing his sister, telling her, “Something is wrong, Kim. She’s crying, and she won’t speak to me. How do I apologize and try to fix things, when she won’t communicate?”
“You move at her pace, Roman. Take a couple days off of work. Apologize, and Roman…you’ve got to mean it.”

“Even if she’s not speaking to me?”

“Especially if she’s not speaking to you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John sat on the rooftop staring up at the stars, and he whispered, “I fucked up Izzy-B. G-d, I know, I fucked up.”

After Kim picked up Marlena, he’d rushed Rebecca out of the loft, and finished cleaning the floor near the door, making sure to mop and sanitize the area. He’d then spent the rest of the day feeling like a world class heel, as Marlena’s broken heart kept coming to mind.

John stood up slowly, and went to the door when he heard a knock, unsurprised to see Kim staring at him as if she wanted to rip his face off. He deserved it. 

Kim pushed her way past him, and said, “Now, do you want to tell me what the hell happened this afternoon?”

John sighed, running his fingers through his hair, and he said, “Kim…I—I can’t.”

“Well, why don’t I tell you what I think happened, and then we can see if you feel like talking after that,” she said. “I think you slept with Rebecca, and Marlena caught you two together. I also think that something has been going on between you and Marlena for weeks. Sure, she’s sick today, but it was more than that. John…she cried all the way home, and wouldn’t tell me why.”

“Shit,” he said. “Shit. Shit. Shit. I fucked up, Kim. I fucked up so bad.”

“An affair then?” she asked him softly, already knowing the answer.

“It’s over though. It’s over now…she’s been pushing me away for weeks, and Abe said…Abe said maybe if I moved on, like I did with Isabella, maybe then I could get over Marlena. She’s been so firm about us being over, Kim. So I…I slept with Rebecca, and shit…fuck, Kim, I felt so awful afterwards. Like I…like I cheated on Doc,” he said, standing up from the couch. He started pacing, and Kim watched as John seemed to implode, punching the nearby wall. “I hurt her. I saw it in her eyes. I destroyed her in a single instant.”

They’d had an affair, and John confirmed it. “That explains her behavior on the ride to her house today,” Kim said softly. “I went to the police station afterwards. I told Roman to pull his head out of his ass, and go home to take care of his wife.”

“Did he?”

“Yes. He’s committed to trying to fix his marriage…so maybe what happened to day was for the best, John.” John was quiet, and Kim saw the pain in his eyes, she said softly, “Maybe give them a chance? A chance to fix their marriage…”

She didn’t need to say anymore. John knew there was a lot she wasn’t saying, and he whispered, “I understand, Kim. I understand.” The message was clear, give Marlena and Roman the time they might need to reconnect, even if it broke his heart to watch it.

Chapter 18

The Brady Pub was loud and a cacophony of voices surrounded John and Abe as they sat across from each other in a booth. John slowly stirred his coffee, knowing that as soon as Lexie was out of earshot, Abe would begin the inquisition. John didn’t have much to share. He was dating Rebecca, but he hadn’t had sex with her since the day Marlena got sick. He was still wracked with guilt, and every time he kissed Rebecca, or she initiated sex, John would see the look on Marlena’s face as she stood at the door of his loft.

Abe waited for Lexie to walk away, before he glanced at John and said, “I saw you and Rebecca out last night. I didn’t want to interrupt, but, John, I’m glad you’re opening up to someone else.”

John didn’t want to discuss Rebecca. He didn’t want to discuss Marlena at all. He lifted his hand in gesture that signified the conversation should end, “Okay, Abe. I know that you’re worried about me and Marlena, alright.”

“Not worried,” Abe said, wanting to clarify his meaning. “I just don’t want to see any of you get hurt.”

“That means you’re worried, partner. Well, look at me, Abraham, I’m trying,” John said with a smirk, even though every time he said it, pain lanced his chest. “I’m dating Rebecca, and I’m trying to move on.”

“Yeah…you are, and you’re doing the right thing. You and Rebecca…you know, I’ve seen you together, there’s something good there,” Abe said. He feared for Roman, Marlena, and John, if John’s relationship with Rebecca failed. He knew John didn’t want to discuss it, and the reason for it was what scared Abe. John was moving on with Rebecca, but Abe could see in the man’s eyes that his heart wasn’t in it.

John didn’t want to discuss it anymore, and said casually, “You never know.” He took a drink of coffee, and hoped the conversation was over. 

It wasn’t. Abe leaned forward, “Just take your time. You and Rebecca, I see a future there.” Abe was surprised at his own audacity. He didn’t believe that. John and Rebecca were very likely going to lead nowhere, but she could be a good distraction from Marlena. Rebecca could be there long enough to help dull John’s pain. Abe was immediately chagrinned. If Lexie knew what he was thinking, she’d be ashamed.

John sighed, drinking down the last swill of his coffee, “Abe, I’ve got time. I’ve got nothing but time. I am going to have to head out though. I have a meeting over at Bella Magazine.”

Abe watched John leave. A meeting at Bella Magazine, meant a meeting where John was able to stare at Marlena for the duration.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John was trying to move on. He really was. He was taking Rebecca on dates, she was coming to the loft a lot, and she was great with Brady. He had a warm, familiar feeling when he was with her, but it didn’t compare…it could never compare, to the explosive, all-consuming, desire he felt anytime he thought of Marlena. He knew she was in a room before he saw her. If she walked by, and her perfume wafted across his nose, blood was going to his cock in the next moment. 

Her laugh. Her eyes. Her very existence. If she came to him, and said she’d left Roman, Rebecca would be gone. That knowledge left him with guilt. Guilt that he was coveting another man’s wife, but also guilt that he was using Rebecca in an attempt to get over Marlena, when all he could do was hope he didn’t say Doc when they were kissing.

The secretary at Titan Publishing unlocked the door to the conference room, and John started to walk inside, but he stopped abruptly. He hadn’t been there since he’d made love to Marlena. The varnished wood called to him, filling his mind with dark, sensual, images. John ran his fingers over the finish in a slow drag, as he remembered parting Marlena’s thighs, and sliding his cock into her wet heat. How was he supposed to sit through a Bella board meeting with Marlena at that table? 

Marlena stood in the doorway, debating whether she should go or not. John was standing immobile, except for the way his fingers played over the wood. Her body was responding, as if his fingers were on her skin. She knew what he was doing, and she knew what he was thinking about as he ran his fingertips across the conference table. She ached inside. She was just about to turn and leave, go home and say she was still sick, when she heard John call, “Marlena.”

Her eyes locked on his when she turned around, saying softly in acknowledgement, “John.”

He didn’t respond at first. She held her briefcase against her chest like a shield of armor, and her eyes were wide with fear…maybe, apprehension. His throat was thick, and he swallowed, finally saying, “How are you, Doc?”

“I’m fine,” she said, stepping into the room, and moving around him. She averted her eyes, refusing to look at him. She needed a moment to gather her thoughts, because one glance had her body wound tight.

John approached her, “And Roman?”

“Roman…is fine,” she whispered. Glancing over at him, and glancing away quickly, she asked in a casual tone, “How’s Rebecca?”

John knew she would ask. She didn’t want to know, but a part of her, the part that still wanted him…that part needed to know. He told her gently, “Rebecca’s fine, Doc.”

“I’m—I’m really happy that you and Rebecca have gotten so close.”

She still refused to look at him, and it was driving him mad, “Are you?”

“I am,” she said softly. “I think you deserve someone who’s fun…free…of course, I’m happy for you.”

John couldn’t stop himself from allowing the sadness to lace his next comment, “Well, you wanted me out of your life, and I’m doing my damndest.”

It hurt. That one comment, that one phrase…it hurt. Marlena took some notes from her bag, trying so hard to push down her emotions, “Yes…I know you are.”

“You and Roman…I guess you’ve finally accomplished what I’ve been working so hard to do…you’ve finally gotten me out of your mind?” 

She wanted to scream, no. She wanted to step into John’s arms. Instead, she continued to avoid eye contact and flip through her papers distractedly. She didn’t answer him. Her throat was thick with emotion, and she couldn’t continue to pretend she was unaffected by him if she spoke right then. 

“Doc?” John asked her, staring at the column of her back. Her suit was fitted perfectly, and he could imagine sliding closer, and running the flat of his palm over her.

“Hmmm?” she murmured.

“Are you sure everything is alright with you and Roman?”

“Yes…everything’s fine.”

“Of course,” he said softly, believing every word out of her mouth in that moment to be nothing more than a lie.

Marlena flinched. He’d stepped closer. She could hear him directly behind her. His voice rolled over her like honey, but she replied in an irritated tone, “Why, would you say of course?”

He knew he shouldn’t lose his patience with her, and he knew he should stop pushing her, but he didn’t. Instead, he sat on the edge of the conference table, right behind her, where he could breath her in, but keep his hands to himself, as he replied, “Because, that’s who you are, Doc. You’re determined to stand by your man, regardless of your feelings for me—”

Marlena felt heat rising to her face, “—John! I’m—I’m over those feelings. I—I put them behind me. I told you I was going to and…and I have. I’ve done that. It’s all done now.” 

John watched her for a moment, saying nothing. Was she trying to convince him or herself? 

She finally faced him, “Well, aren’t you going to say something?”

John stood up, and stepped so close he could feel the heat coming from her body, “You’re a liar, Doc.” 

She stared at him briefly, and then tried to walk past him, but John reached out, grabbing her arm, and stared down into her face, saying, “I know you’re lying, Doc. You haven’t gotten me out of your mind, and you haven’t quit thinking about me.” 

Marlena gasped, staring up into his blue eyes, “That’s not true.”

He tipped his mouth close to her ear, “The reason I know you’re lying is because, when I say I’ve gotten you out of my mind, I’m lying.”

Her core clenched, as she whispered, “John, stop.”

“Come on…this is hell on both of us. Walking around, trying to hide our feelings. I just think—”

“—no!” Marlena said. “No! We can’t act on our feelings. We can’t do that!”

“I wasn’t suggesting that,” he said. “But I think maybe, I should resign from the board of Bella.”

“John, you can’t do that either.”

“Doc…”

“We just have to find a way to not have these moments between us!”

John slid his hand down her arm, and over her hip, while Marlena stared up at him with wide eyes. “How am I supposed to do that, Doc, when every time I look at this table, I imagine making love to you on it? You want me to sit through board meetings, staring at you across from me, while I imagine sliding my cock into your moist heat? Don’t you feel the tension? Does this not affect you at all?”

“I—I can’t…I can’t let it affect me,” she said, as her eyes filled with tears. 

His palm splayed over her hip, pulling her closer, “Doc, please. I just need to know that this is just as hard for you as it is for me.”

Marlena wiped furiously at her eyes, thinking of Rebecca, and she hissed, “Hard on you?”

John sighed, “Is there a chance for us, Doc? Because if there’s a chance, I’ll let Rebecca go. I’ll wait for you, all you have to do is say so. I would wait for you as long as you want, as long as, in the end, you were with me.”

“I can’t,” she whispered. “You—you can’t wait on me.”

“Then why are you so angry about Rebecca? This is killing me, but Abe, and Kim, they’re both pushing me to move on. To let you work on your marriage to Roman, but Doc…I’ll be honest, I want to rip your marriage to shreds and watch it burn in my wake!”

Marlena thought about her husband. Roman was trying. It wasn’t perfect, but he was home for dinner more often. He wasn’t working quite as much. He was attempting to connect with the twins. She had to give him the opportunity. Marlena tried to walk away from John, but the feeling of his warm hand on her hip, had her resting her forehead on his shoulder instead. With a soft sigh she whispered, “John…”

It was hard for her mind to grasp what she should do, when what she wanted was so close by. Even knowing he should stop touching her, he couldn’t. John said softly in her ear, “I dream of you almost every night, baby. I dream of us.”

She refused to look at him, but she allowed his hand to curve around her hip, and settle over the roundness of her ass. John’s palm cupped her, squeezing gently, and pulled her closer, “I dream about your lips on mine, and you’re naked skin against me. Tell me…tell me, Doc…do you dream of me?”

Before she could stop herself, she said softly, “Yes.” She was so close to him, and his thigh pushed between her legs. Marlena bit her bottom lip to keep herself from releasing the sigh that sat on the edge of her lips.

“Do you wake up next to Roman aroused and wanting me?” he continued in a seductive voice, his breath wafting over the shell of her ear, causing tendrils of her hair to brush along her cheek.

“Yes,” she breathed.

“I woke up this morning from a dream so vivid, I had the taste of your pussy on my lips.”

Marlena struggled to get away from him, shocked at his words. “John! Stop,” she whispered, stepping back.

He watched the rapid rise and fall of her chest, and he said quietly, “Then we can keep playing this game. The one where we pretend we’ve both moved on, but you know…and I know, that what’s between us won’t let that happen.”

Chapter 19

April 1993

Marlena stood outside of John’s loft with Abe and Lexie’s anniversary gift held tightly against her. She’d tried to get out of coming, but Roman had failed to mention that he’d be on a stakeout that evening. She had to go. She stood there for a moment, almost afraid to knock on the door. She’d argued with Roman earlier, because he was reverting to old habits. He was working longer hours, missing dinners, and he had made several negative comments about John in front of the twins, leaving them upset and angry. Marlena was feeling especially vulnerable, and coming to a party at John’s loft, where she had to see Rebecca hang all over him…where she had made love to him upstairs…was not something she was looking forward to. 

Lexie had begged her to come, just for an hour, and Marlena had conceded. One hour, and then she could allow herself to leave. She lifted her hand and knocked swiftly, before she could change her mind, or run away. John slid the door open, and Marlena knew instantly that coming to this party was a bad idea. He was too close to her already, with a wide smile, and a cream colored sweater that made her want to run her palms over his chest to touch the softness. She watched him slide his palm up the door frame, and lean in closer. So sexy she thought she might melt in her shoes.

She couldn’t help but smile up at him. He was so adorably charming, as he said, “Hey, Doc, I didn’t think you were going to be able to make it.”

Marlena’s hair was half-pulled back, and the pink gauzy shirt she wore over a form fitting white t-shirt, made John want to pull her in and kiss her. She looked so sweet, and so fucking adorable. She looked up at him, and said, “Well, I almost didn’t, but I didn’t want to disappoint Abe and Lexie.”

He couldn’t get over how beautiful she was, as he said roughly, “No. No. Come on in.” John stepped back, allowing her to enter, and even though he knew he shouldn’t, he took a deep breath as she walked by, absorbing her scent, and holding it in his lungs. Reaching for the gift she held, he said, “Here let me take that.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly, looking around the decorated loft. Her stomach sank. She was surrounded by Rebecca. Every detail in the room had a woman’s touch, and Marlena wanted to turn on her heel, and leave right then. Instead, she schooled her features before she faced John, and said, “Oh, my. It’s looking…really nice.”

John sat her gift on the counter, and followed her. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her and the gift was simply an afterthought, “Yeah. Yeah, it does. Rebecca helped.”

“Uh-huh,” Marlena said softly. “I hope my being here isn’t awkward for you.”

He couldn’t stop himself from scanning over her as she stood in front of him. She was wearing soft, white, wide leg trousers that hugged her hips, and John couldn’t help the look of appreciation that crossed his face. She always looked so good in pink and white. He said softly, leaning back against his kitchen island, “No, it’s not awkward at all.”

Marlena felt beautiful, more beautiful than she’d felt in weeks. John continued to look at her appreciatively, and he said, “I mean…you have Roman, and I’ve…moved on.” He smiled at her, but Marlena sensed sadness. They were going through the motions of moving on, but had they? Not really. It was just as John had said, they continued to play the game. He snapped his fingers, and said, “It had to happen.”

He was faking everything. So was she. Marlena pushed a hair off of her forehead, and took a deep breath. He smelled so good. Trying to convince herself that staying away from John was the right thing, Marlena said, “When I think of the mistake that we might have made…you know, we would have broken up my family, hurt Roman, and the children—”

“—it’s best this way,” he said softly, sensing the pain inside her. She needed reassurance. He could give her that. He loved her so much, he would give her anything. His chest was tight, making it almost impossible to get out his next sentence. John whispered, “Well, the party’s on the roof, and I think everybody’s here. You want to join them?”

Marlena looked around helplessly. She wasn’t ready yet. She looked up at John, and he could see it in her eyes. “Um, I think, I’d like to use the ladies room first.”

“Sure. Of course. You know where it is right?”

“Uh-huh,” she said, looking away. 

John licked his lips, suddenly feeling as if he were parched, and he said, “Alright. Well, you know where we are. So, when you finish, you can meet us up on the roof.”

Marlena smiled at him, and nodded, and John was struck with a sense of sadness so deep, it pulled at his soul. He watched her walk away, and he said nothing when she headed upstairs, even though they both knew there was a guest bathroom near the laundry…downstairs. He wanted to follow her. He wanted to tell himself that Marlena choosing to go upstairs was an invitation to follow her. John looked towards the other set of stairs. The ones that led to the room. He knew where he should go. He should go to the rooftop, where everyone else was. He didn’t. Instead, he made sure no one saw him, and he followed Marlena up the stairs.

Marlena reached the top of the stairs, and went into John’s room. It was the last room she should be in, and it was the first one she entered. Entering his bathroom, she took a washrag from the linen closet, running it under cold water. Her internal dialogue, said she should leave. She wiped the cold cloth along her neck, trying to cool her fevered skin, as she thought of an excuse to leave. She lacked the discipline she’d need tonight, to watch John with another woman. She was too lonely, and being near John…the temptation was too much.

Setting the cloth down next to the sink, she wandered back out into John’s bedroom. Her mind was telling her to leave. She needed to leave. Trailing her fingers softly over one of John’s shirts hanging over the back of a chair, she imagined what it felt like to run her fingers over his back. Visions inundated her mind of when they made love on Victor’s plane, how she scraped her nails along the skin of his lower back. She had to leave, but before she could, she lifted his shirt to her nose, inhaling his scent deeply.

John watched her from the doorway, and his heart broke for her. She was angelic. Her blond hair hanging around her shoulders, the clothes she wore the perfect combination of classy and alluring. He loved her so much. He would do anything for her. Anything, and as much as she denied it, what she needed right then was comfort…and love. John stepped inside the room softly, and closed the door behind him with a soft snick. Marlena turned quickly, still holding his shirt in her clenched fist. She stared at him with wide eyes, watching as John locked the door. 

John whispered, “What are you doing, Doc?”

“I miss you,” Marlena whispered helplessly. “I…miss you.”

“I miss you, too, baby.”

“This is—this is so hard,” she said, her breath catching as she tried to speak. 

“Come here, Doc,” John said, holding his arms out to her.

Marlena couldn’t have stopped herself, even if she’d wanted to. She quickly crossed the room, and nearly fell into his arms, as a sob tore from her throat. John lifted her body against him, and Marlena’s legs wrapped around his waist. Her arms wrapped around his neck tightly, and she she cried. He carried her to the bed, and sat down with Marlena straddling his lap, “Talk to me.”

Marlena didn’t say anything for quite awhile. She sobbed out in anguish, isolation, and pain, while he held her close, and absorbed it all.

“I’m trying so hard to stay away from you, and make my marriage work!” she cried softly, resting her face on his chest. “How do I do that, when I’m dying inside?”

“Isn’t it getting any better? I thought Kim said, he was trying to do better. Isn’t he?”

“He was…he was spending more time with the twins, and working less. He was coming home for dinners. It lasted a few weeks…”

“How are you feeling?”

“Lonely… I’m lonely,” she whispered, looking up at him with watery eyes.

“Doc, I love you. You’re my best friend…you have always been my best friend,” John said softly. “I’m still here for you, even if we’re not…together. I will always be your friend, and support you.”

“I don’t deserve you.” Marlena touched his chest, covered by the cream colored sweater she had admired earlier. The fabric felt as soft as she’d imagined, “I can’t—I can’t be around you without wanting more.”

John wiped the tears from her cheeks, “I don’t want you to hurt. If it’s anything like the pain I’m feeling, baby, I don’t want that for you. What do you need right now?”

She whispered, “Can you hold me?”

“Yeah, baby, I can hold you,” he whispered back, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. John pulled her close, allowing her to rest her cheek on his chest, and he whispered, “Doc, I will always be here for you. Even if we can’t be together…I would do anything for you.”

“I need you to hold me…I want to smell you. I want to be in your arms,” she whispered. “Just for a few moments…and then I think I should go home.” Her fingers traced over his shoulder, and along the column of his neck, causing John to moan softly.

Marlena laced her fingers through his hair, and rubbed her nose against his skin, whispering, “I’m a horrible person. I should let you go. You should let me go.”

“I don’t want to let you go.”

“What I’m doing, pushing you away, only to pull you back in. It’s wrong,” she said. “I know it’s wrong.”

“Doc,” he murmured against her hair, “I don’t care. I don’t care…”

She stared at him with tear filled eyes, touching his face softly, “You should.”

“I told you the night of the police fundraiser…any terms, Doc. If I get to hold you in my arms…comfort you when you need it…I’ll take it.”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena whispered, tightening her grip in his hair. His words echoed in her mind, her body…her soul, and she was lost. “Kiss me.”

John’s hands slid down her back, and gripped her hips, pulling her closer, and Marlena moaned softly, feeling his burgeoning cock against her center. When her hands guided his mouth to hers, she consumed him. Her soft lips parted with a sigh, while her tongue licked gently over his. John let her lead, he couldn’t be the aggressor here. She tilted her head, placing soft kisses over his mouth, while her legs wrapped around him again, pulling him as close as she could.

Desperation drove her to ask him, “Can I touch you?”

“Fuck, Doc,” John said roughly, pulling his sweater over his head.

Marlena’s small hands pushed along the warm skin of John’s chest, and she said softly, “You’re beautiful…kiss me…”

“Anytime,” he whispered, softly kissing over her pillowy lips. “Anytime…”

His mouth tasted of beer, and Marlena sank into him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and moaning softly. “You taste so good, John…like coming home.”

“You could come home,” he said, cupping her neck. “Think about it…coming home to me,” he said kissing the side of her neck softly. “Making a family with me,” he told her, pulling the collar of her shirt back, and placing an open mouthed kiss on her collarbone.

Marlena didn’t respond, but she absorbed every word. A family with John. She sighed, rolling her hips against him. She tilted her head forward again, sucking John’s bottom lip into her mouth, with another moan of pleasure.

A knock sounded on the bedroom door, after someone tried the handle, and they heard Rebecca say, “John, honey…are you okay?”

John placed his index finger on Marlena’s lips and he replied, “Yeah. I wasn’t feeling well, but I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Oh,” she said haltingly. “Abe and Lexie were wondering where the host of the party was.”

“You can tell them, I’m coming,” John said with a casual laugh.

Marlena heard Rebecca walk away, and John whispered, “I’ll go back to the party…you can go home. I know you don’t want to be here.”

Marlena rubbed her face in John’s neck, “Okay.” Her soft lips, kissed the skin there, and as hard as it was for her, she allowed John to stand up and place her feet on the floor.

“Wait a few minutes and then you can go,” John said. “I’ll make sure no one sees you.”

Marlena kissed him again softly, and whispered, “Thank you for being a friend…more than a friend.”

Chapter 20

John lay in bed with Rebecca next to him. His palms were crossed underneath his head, because he couldn’t bear to touch her again. He was disgusted with himself. There was no other way to describe it. His mind screamed at him. It raged and roared, crying out for the woman on the other side of the wall behind him. Forcing himself to move on wasn’t working.  Having sex with Rebecca again was a last ditch effort to push himself further away from Marlena, and it hadn’t worked. It left him lying in bed next to Rebecca, smothering in self loath. The rational part of his mind said it was for the best, move on…but he couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t. He was going to have to end this. He needed to be alone, and avoid relationships, until he could truly, and honestly, move on from Marlena. There was no other choice. 

John glanced over at Rebecca, and rubbed his palms roughly over his face. She was already half asleep, and so relaxed. John was dying inside slowly. He sat up, and tossed his legs over the side of the bed, allowing his head to hang low. Whether it was true or not, he felt as if he’d been unfaithful to Marlena. The pain and the anger he was feeling towards himself, was simply too much. John stood, reaching for his robe, and put it on quickly. He needed air, because he felt as if his chest was caving in on him.

He thought Rebecca was asleep until he heard her say sleepily, “That seems to be something you do…”

“What is?” he asked roughly, barely able to maintain his composure. He needed air. 

“You going to the window after we make love.” Make love. John chest got tighter. He needed air. She whispered, “With a faraway look in your eye.”

John swallowed thickly, “I just want to get some fresh air…it’s such a beautiful night out.”

Stepping out on the balcony, John tried to take a deep breath. He couldn’t seem to get his chest to open up. He closed his eyes, and focused on the tightness he was feeling. He pictured Marlena’s face smiling up at him when he answered the door at the party. The way her eyes lit up as she stared up at him, and he felt the pressure ease slightly. He tried again, taking a deeper breath. Opening his eyes, he took another breath, and it caught in his throat when his eyes landed on the hot springs. 

Marlena stood at the edge of the water, her head tilted back, as a cool breeze blew across her skin. The tears that lined her cheeks felt cold against her skin, but she didn’t care. She needed to feel something other than the pain painting her soul. As soon as she’d heard the sounds of John making love to Rebecca, she had climbed out of bed and fled the room. She couldn’t take it. 

The hot springs beckoned her…but it was more than that. She knew John as well as she knew herself. She imagined him right then, standing on his balcony watching her. He would be hot. He would need fresh air, and maybe, he would be thinking of her. 

She wasn’t sure what made her do it, but if he was watching her, she wanted to tempt him. She needed to know if she’d truly lost him. If this game they were playing with each others emotions was truly over. Marlena shrugged her white satin robe off of her shoulders slowly, the sensual feelings flowing through her body caused her to shiver as the drag of the fabric over her skin gave rise to strong emotions. She sighed, imagining it was John’s hands, and her nipples pebbled tightly. Marlena cupped her own breasts, rubbing over them and squeezing roughly. Tightening her thighs, she pressed them together, feeling wetness against her soft skin. 

John stepped away from the balcony quickly, entering his room. His breath was coming rapidly. Marlena was a siren, calling to him, and if he went down there, he didn’t believe he’d be able to keep his hands off of her body. He tried to get his breathing under control while he pictured her naked body in the moonlight. When she’d cupped her own breasts and tipped her face to the sky, blood had rushed to his cock. John glanced over at Rebecca, asleep in their bed, and felt only the smallest twinge of guilt. Looking back towards the balcony, he knew he should fight it…but he didn’t. John went back outside, unable to stop himself, and stared down at her. 

The cool air brushed over Marlena’s naked skin, as she allowed the silken fabric of her nightgown to fall to the ground. She felt wanton, as if her body was calling John to her. Stepping into the water, she sighed. The water was warm…almost hot to touch. Bumps covered her body, and she stepped further in, allowing the heat of the water to sooth the tightness in her muscles. She imagined John’s hands on her body, and her pussy clenched. She wanted him with her. She wanted his body against hers and she knew…she knew, she had to let him go, but she couldn’t. Even as she knew she should let him go, she was trying to tempt him away from the sanctuary of his room, away from Rebecca. She couldn’t find it within herself to sever that connection, and she wasn’t sure why.

John was drawn towards her like the sweetest form of death. The decision to go to her was made, before he went back into his room. He could stay away, but he wouldn’t. He’d quietly slipped from his room, and followed the path towards the hot springs as if Marlena were calling him to her. He couldn’t resist, and watching her from the bushes, blood surged to his cock. It was more than sex with her…it was spiritual, a calling that couldn’t be ignored. Marlena sank below the water, disappearing from sight, and John waited for her to come back up. He waited and he watched.

Underneath the water, she felt a peacefulness wash over her. The sounds of the night were drowned out, and she absorbed the silence that surrounded her. The heat of the water soaked her muscles, as she allowed her body to sink lower. The flow of the hot springs against her skin, had her wishing she could feel that way all of the time. Relaxed, submerged, and able to emote whatever she wanted. Suddenly, she felt arms surround her that felt hard and soft at the same time. Arms that were safe and familiar. Even without opening her eyes, she knew…she was with John, and as they burst to the surface of the water, Marlena felt herself sigh with relief. She relaxed against him with a smile, staring down into his concerned face.

She was caught in his deep blue gaze, her breath coming rapidly. John told her breathlessly, “When you dove in…you didn’t come back up, I thought you might have hit your head on a rock or something. Are you okay?”

He felt so good, she nearly moaned in relief. Being away from him was becoming painful. She glanced down at John’s mouth, studying the way the water dripped from his bottom lip. She said softly, “I’m fine.”

“Good.”

“I’m fine,” she whispered again, unable to get her head on straight.

“Thank G-d, you had me scared,” John whispered. Marlena smiled at him, a smile that said everything about how she was feeling. It was pure joy, in a small, beautiful smile. John whispered, again, “Thank G-d…”

Their faces drifted closer, and all rational thought left them. Desire took over, and Marlena’s soft breath wafting over his mouth was his undoing. Marlena said, “Oh…” quietly, and he couldn’t help himself. One arm pulled her body closer, and Marlena wrapped her legs around his waist, pressing her soft breasts against his chest. Threading her fingers through his wet hair, she rubbed her face alongside his, and he was completely lost. 

John’s mouth found the moist skin of her neck, and he kissed her softly. It was when she tipped her head back with a moan, the his cock surged, bobbing against her hot center, making him groan against her flesh, “Doc…fuck…Doc.” Marlena rolled her head to the other side, and John feasted on her, sucking and biting at her with abandon. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should hold back. He shouldn’t mark her body, but she was his, and he needed her to remember that, every time she looked at herself in the mirror. 

Biting her jaw, her chin, and finally her lips, she gasped against him, “John…oh, John!”

When his lips found her, she pulled him closer, opening her mouth, and sliding her tongue over his. John groaned deeply, bucking against her in the water. It would be so easy to slide into her moist heat, allowing himself the sweetest of releases, buried inside of her. She was so soft, so warm, and so receptive. She wanted him, as much as he wanted her. He kissed her until they both needed to breathe. 

Pulling back slowly, he stared down at her half-lidded eyes, and her parted lips. The desire to dive back into her was so strong. She wouldn’t refuse him. He could see it in her eyes, she wouldn’t refuse him this time. But then, John remembered her tears after they made love at the Titan party. The guilt that consumed her while she admitted he made her happy, while acknowledging that she was making choices that would destroy her marriage. 

Marlena threaded her fingers back through John’s wet hair, and tugged it tightly, allowing her desire to flow through her fingers. She started pulling him closer, staring at his lips with want, and John wrapped his hands around her wrists tightly. He stared at her. She saw the war he was having in his own mind. She was giving herself to him, and he was waging a battle in his head. 

John rested his forehead against hers, releasing one of her wrists, and slid his palm along her arm. Cupping her neck, he groaned in want. He wanted her so badly his cock ached with it, but when Marlena touched his jaw lightly, and tipped her head to kiss him again, he took her wrist in his hand, and pulled back, staring into her eyes. They couldn’t do this, as much as he wanted to bury himself in her, he couldn’t handle the tears of guilt she would suffer afterwards. He couldn’t be the reason she suffered. 

Pulling her hand to his mouth he kissed it the way he wished he could continue kissing her. John licked over her skin, turning her hand up to his mouth so that he could softly kiss her palm, and then he looked deep into her hazel eyes, hazel eyes that were telling him to take what he wanted. He couldn’t. “We have to get out of this water,” he whispered.

John released his hold on her, floating back. As he swam away, she realized that her soul felt bereft, abandoned, and all she could do was swim after him. Her mind flashed images of Roman arguing with her the day before. 

Roman stared at her, sitting on the couch with Brady in her arms. “Why is John’s baby here, and where is John?”

“Carrie is staying here to watch Sami and Eric. She offered to watch Brady for John.”

“I didn’t agree to that!”

“Roman, you won’t even be home!” Marlena cried in frustration. “Besides that, Brady is a baby! How you have so much anger towards a child?”

She’d suffered his steely silence on the way to the mountains. The hollowness she’d felt all day, as Roman watched her every interaction with John. She was in a cage, an emotional cage. 

John reached for her, helping her onto the shore. He saw the pain in her eyes, and he almost lost himself again. Wrapping her in his bathrobe, felt more intimate than holding her naked body against him as they floated in the hot springs. She was his everything, and she wasn’t even his. John rubbed at her shoulders briskly to distract himself. “You’re shivering,” he said softly, watching the reflection of the water shine on Marlena’s skin. 

“Yes,” she said with a wane smile. “It’s cold.” But it was more than cold, it was John. His closeness, his scent surrounding her as he dried her with his robe…it was wanting him.

“It didn’t seem too cold in the water,” he told her. 

Marlena stared down where he had kneeled, drying her legs in the most caring manner. She whispered, “It’s the hot springs.”

He gazed up at her, “Is that what that was?” Marlena reached for her nightgown, and John stopped her, “Let me.”

She watched him sniff her nightgown, before he slid it over her arms, and down her body. Her breath caught when his large palm slid over her hip as if he owned her. He was fighting his every instinct to hold himself back from making love to her. It was right, but it felt wrong. Marlena struggled with understanding how something that was wrong, felt so right. 

John slid her robe up her arms, fingering the lace at her neck gently, while whispering, “You looked amazing at dinner tonight, Doc.”

Marlena’s hand’s slid over her black dinner dress, admiring the way it hugged her body, as Roman stepped close behind her. “I don’t know who you’re dressing up for, Doc. It’s a work retreat.”

“They said, formal dress for dinner. This is a formal dress,” Marlena told him.

“Formal dress doesn’t mean you have to dress like a slut,” he muttered walking away.

Marlena stared at John, remembering Roman’s comments before dinner and she whispered, “Thank you.”

John smirked, “It’s a little early in the season for skinny-dipping, don’t you think?”

She couldn’t tell him the truth, so she lied, “Well, I was burning up, and came down here.”

His eyes scanned her body. The satin of her white nightgown, and its matching robe, hid nothing. His mind could conjure the contours of her body with ease. John murmured, “It’s a beautiful place.”

“It’s a beautiful night,” she said softly.

“You’re beautiful, Doc.”

Marlena felt a strong pull towards him. She looked up at him helplessly, as he stepped even closer to her. He brushed his fingers against her cheek so softly, she thought, she might be imagining it. When his hands cupped her face, and he sighed  against her mouth, she knew it was real. It was all real. She saw nothing but love in his blue eyes. John’s lips kissed hers softly, and she wouldn’t stop him. Marlena’s mouth pulled at his, and she gasped into him. But it was when he rolled his forehead over hers, holding her face gently, while his features held nothing but pain, that she was truly overwhelmed. She wasn’t the only one hurting.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, still unable to release her, but knowing he should. John forced himself to step back, holding his hands in the air to prevent himself from reaching for her again. Kissing Marlena felt like a moment taken from a dream. A lifetime that was, or maybe wasn’t, but John wanted it to be. Her eyes were pulling him in, but again, he saw her tears, and her begging him not to let it happen again. “Doc, we can’t do this. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be kissing you. I shouldn’t be touching you! I promised you, I wouldn’t do this to you again, and look at me!”

“It’s alright,” she whispered.

“No. It’s not,” he said roughly. “I swore to myself I wouldn’t let this happen again. I promised you at Titan, Doc! I promised! I’m going to ruin your life!”

“No, you’re not! Don’t say that!”

“I’m going to destroy both of our lives,” he told her, pulling her back into his arms. He rested his forehead against hers, whispering, “I can’t even stop myself!”

Marlena cupped his face, lifting his eyes to hers, and she whispered, “It’s my fault.”

“Doc, it is not your fault—”

“—it is,” she said. “I knew that you were with…Rebecca, so I…” She started to cry, looking away from him, “I—I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t…” Looking back towards him, she whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

But John wasn’t. He wasn’t sorry at all. Even as she stared at him, and her eyes swelled with tears, he was thinking how much he wanted her, and how much he loved her. Touching her face softly, John whispered, “This thing between us, baby, it’s not over. We may not make love right now, because I promised you at Titan, that I wouldn’t hurt you…but this isn’t over, Doc. Not by a long shot.”

Chapter 21

“Mr. Kiriakis, we have a location on Gus Bartoli,” Taylor McCall said softly into the telephone. She glanced around herself quickly, to make sure no one could hear her.

Victor smiled, “That’s perfect. I’ve had a situation come up. The commissioner reinstated Roman Brady yesterday. The investigation is complete, and he’s been assigned the gambling ring case again.”

“How is that going to work? Wasn’t he removed from that case?”

“He was, but I made sure the commissioner closed the investigation. The final result was that he was under emotional duress, and he made decisions that he understands were detrimental to the over all case,” Victor said smugly. “The Assistant DA is assigned with him to provide oversight.”

“Rebecca Morrison? Her time here is done in a few weeks,” Taylor said quietly. “She’s resigning to work for John Black.”

“All I need is a few weeks,” Victor told her. “You need to call Roman Brady, and get him back to Salem.”

“He’s out of town.”

“Do you think I care, Officer McCall? I’m paying you well for your services, and you’d be better off not to cross me on this. Call him back to Salem. Tonight.”

Taylor glanced at the clock. It was nearing midnight. She sighed deeply. Roman would be angry, but she couldn’t say that she wouldn’t be happy to pull him away from his four day weekend retreat with his wife. She smiled to herself, and told Victor, “I have the number here for emergencies. I’ll call him now.”

Victor hung up the telephone with a wide smile. Finding out that Taylor McCall had a location for Gus Bartoli was divine intervention. Victor had been scrambling his brain trying to come up with a plan to get rid of Roman and Rebecca for the last half an hour. There were three days left on the Bella magazine work retreat, and if Victor could get Roman Brady and Rebecca Morrison out of the picture, maybe John and Marlena would have a chance.

He’d watched them tonight at the hot springs. He’d felt like a voyeur, but he needed to know if his manipulation was worthwhile. They had been avoiding each other since the Titan party, and Victor was keeping tabs on both of them. Victor wasn’t one for believing in true love, except in the case of his love for Caroline Brady. But if true love existed, it existed in the form of John Black and Marlena Brady. It radiated off of them, all the while they continued to fight it. Victor considered his involvement less manipulation, and more prompting. 

Victor smiled to himself. Thinking that it was all working out perfectly. Every dilemma, every obstacle he encountered, he managed to throw the two of them back together. It was Victor who had arranged John’s flight delay with the pilot the night he was expected to leave Salem, and blame it on the storm. The storm arriving at the perfect time, meant it didn’t need to be a mechanical problem. Offering Marlena the job at Bella magazine, had benefitted him as well. He didn’t have to search for someone more qualified, when Marlena was overqualified. Locking the conference room door after intentionally arranging to have the photographer mistake Marlena for John’s wife. Victor considered that almost ingenious. He sometimes missed his more devious days. The accident of giving Marlena and John adjoining rooms, was almost too perfect, and getting Roman and Rebecca out of the picture, for the rest of the weekend, could be the last push toward his end goal…love for John, and a mother for Brady.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena stood in the shower, allowing hot water to trail over her skin, while hot tears trailed over her cheeks. She wanted John so much. She’d gone out of her way to draw him down to the hot springs, and he’d turned her away. But did he? Or had he respected the boundaries she’d set after making love in the conference room at Titan? Her mind was awash with memories, good and bad. She brushed quickly at the tears on her face, wishing with all her might that she could stop herself from crying, but she couldn’t seem to do it.

“All Sami fucking talks about is John being her soccer coach, and frankly, I’m getting sick of it!” Roman roared. “She’s my daughter, Doc! Mine!”

“I’m not letting you do this, Roman! You won’t take soccer away from her, because of your jealousy!” Marlena cried.

“Jealousy? You think I’m jealous?”

“Aren’t you?” she asked him. “What else is this? It doesn’t matter, I’m not letting you ruin her soccer season. Her grades are up, and she’s not getting any behavior notes at school. She’s doing better, Roman! Don’t you want that for her?”

“Of course, I want that for her. I just don’t think that John has to be in her life to have those things!”

“Leave it alone, Roman. Leave…it…alone, and you might as well get used to it, because John is going to be coaching Eric’s baseball team.”

Marlena tipped her head back into the spray of the water, and rinsed the shampoo from her hair. She heard the telephone ring in the room. It was late, very late, and she worried that it might be Carrie, and there was a problem with the children. Turning the water off quickly Marlena reached for a towel, and stepped out of the shower. Her white satin robe caught her attention, as she noticed it had mud and some grass stains on it. Balling it up quickly, she carried it with her into the bedroom, and while Roman was distracted on the telephone, she buried it in her luggage under the pretense of finding something to wear.

“Shit!” Roman shouted. “Are you sure McCall?” There was silence, and then Roman said, “Yeah. Yeah. I can come…tonight?…Yeah, I guess so…I don’t have a choice right?”

Hanging up the phone, Roman rubbed his hands over his face, and stood up from the bed. He seemed surprised to see her standing there wrapped in a towel. “Doc? Were you in the shower? It’s the middle of the night.”

“I was hot,” she said softly, remembering John’s lips on her neck. He’d left a mark on her collarbone, and Marlena had pulled her wet hair to cover it before she left the bathroom. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Marlena heard the telephone in John’s room begin to ring, and Roman sighed again, “I have to go, Doc. I know you wanted this time together, but they’ve just arrested Gus Bartoli and now that I’m back on the case, they need me to come in. I guess that means Rebecca too, since I’m being treated like a fucking imbecile who needs oversight.”

“You’re leaving now?” she asked in surprise. “Are you coming back?”

“I’m going to finish throwing my stuff in my bag, but yeah, I’m going now. I’ll take Rebecca with me,” he said. “Do you think you can find a ride home?”

“I can find a ride,” she said quietly.

“Not with John,” Roman said.

Marlena stared at Roman, and then asked him, “Is there a reason for that?”

“I’m not comfortable with my wife being alone in a car with her ex-husband for four hours,” Roman said. “Catch a ride with someone else.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John was standing on the balcony wearing a pair of low slung sweatpants. He’d already showered, and jerked off while he was in there. It didn’t take much. A few images of Marlena’s face, remembering the feel of her naked skin rubbing against his in the water of the hot springs, and still having the taste of her on his lips was all it took. Even as he stood there, thinking of her, his cock twitched. John didn’t think he would ever have enough of her. 

It was a hot night, considering they were in the mountains in April. The ring of the telephone trilled loudly, and Rebecca moaned in her sleep. Striding inside quickly, John answered, “Hello?”

“This is Officer McCall from the Salem PD. I needed to speak with the Assistant DA, Rebecca Morrison.”

“Hold on,” John said softly. “She’s sleeping. I have to wake her.”

Rebecca was deep in a dream when she was jostled awake. She smiled up at John, hoping he was ready for round two, only to have her hopes dashed with him informing her of a phone call. Lifting the receiver to her ear, she said in a groggy voice, “Hello?”

“Ms. Morrison? This is Officer McCall. I was told to call you and let you know that Gus Bartoli has been arrested, and you and Detective Brady are required at the station by 7:00 am to question the suspect,” Taylor said.

“7:00?” Rebecca asked sleepily. “Shit. Okay, well that means we need to get on the road soon. It’s a four hour drive.”

Rebecca hung up the phone, and tossed her legs over the side of the bed, pushing her bushy brown hair out of her face. John stared at her, and said, “You have to leave?”

“Yes,” she said softly. “Roman does too. I’m still Assistant DA for a few more weeks, and since he was reinstated, I’ve been assigned to basically double check all of his decisions. Oversight, basically.”

“So, you’re both leaving?” John asked, keeping his face bland while his heart started racing. They had three days left at this work retreat. Both Roman and Rebecca would be gone. This was the best news, and the worst news. John hadn’t decided which one yet.

Rebecca sighed, standing up, and reached for her luggage, tossing it on the bed. She started throwing her things in the bag and said, “I’m really sorry to have to cut the trip short, John. I was hoping that having this time together…might help us move towards something more…serious.”

He was about to respond when they both heard Roman’s voice shout, “I don’t think I’m asking for too fucking much, Doc!” Marlena’s response was muffled, as if she was trying to keep her voice down. Roman said loudly, “It’s a four hour drive! There are plenty of people you could ride with…just not John!”

Rebecca laughed awkwardly, “Has he always been that jealous?”

John sighed, “Yeah.”

“Does he have reason to be?” Rebecca asked him casually.

John shrugged, “We’re best friends, but we used to me married. It bothers him.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” she said softly.

“I’m not ready to answer it,” John told her.

Rebecca walked into the bathroom to gather her toiletries, and thought about what the nature of John’s relationship with Marlena really was. She glanced over at John’s robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, and noticed mud on the sleeve. As she exited the bathroom she said, “John. How did you get mud on your robe?”

“I went for a walk after you went to sleep. I decided to take a dip in the hot springs.”

“Where are your swim trunks?”

“I didn’t need them.”

“John!” Rebecca laughed. “Skinny dipping? Really?

“It’s a nice night for it,” he said softly, thinking of Marlena’s hazel eyes staring up at him, and her soft lips on his mouth.

A loud knock sounded on their door, and John strode across the room to open it. Roman’s hard eyes met his, and said, “Did Rebecca get the call?”

Rebecca stepped around John, “I did. I’m ready, if you are.”

Roman grunted and walked off, his own bag in hand, and Rebecca turned to John. “I’ll call you later, but I don’t think I’ll be back this weekend. I’m sorry.”  She kissed his cheek softly, and walked away.

Closing the door behind her, John sighed. His room was silent, except for the frogs outside near the balcony, and what he thought were Marlena’s muffled sobs from next door. Roman and Rebecca were gone, and he would be in a room next to Marlena for the next three days. An adjoining room with Marlena. He slowly walked towards the door that separated their rooms, the one Marlena had mistaken for a closet just hours earlier, and he knocked softly. Her crying stopped, and John said quietly, “I just wanted to check on you…are you okay, Doc?”

Marlena stood on her side of the door. If she unlocked it, she knew what would happen. Roman and Rebecca weren’t even in the car yet, and she was debating her next move with John. She said, “I’m okay.”

John didn’t respond, he ran his fingers along the grain of the wood, wishing it were Marlena’s skin. He stepped back when he heard her flip the lock, and his heart started racing. She opened the door, standing there in a t-shirt he recognized as his own. It was an old Salem PD shirt. Worn and grey it barely hit her mid thigh. John groaned, “Doc…close the door. Now.”

She didn’t. She stepped closer, reaching for his hand, and pulled him into her room, closing the door softly behind him. That was all it took. John’s hands were in her hair, and his mouth was crashing onto hers. Marlena sighed with pleasure as her back hit the wall.

Chapter 22

Lips pulled at lips, and their moans filled the silence of the room, echoing off of the thin walls. Neither one of them considered what might be heard outside of the room. Their joining was explosive, built up from weeks of want and desire. John knew that if Marlena was going to change her mind, he needed to know soon. He was becoming lost in her every particle, and if they continued, he wouldn’t be able to pull himself back. His fingers were wound tightly in her blonde, honey colored tresses, and he pulled her hair back, forcing her to stare up into his eyes. With rapid gasping breaths, John whispered, “Doc, tell me you want this. Please, tell me you want this.”

Her chest was heaving, pulling in air as she stared up at him with half-lidded eyes, “I do. I want this.”

His hands released her hair, and slid over the smooth skin on the back of her thighs, “I can’t wait.”

Marlena stared into his eyes for a brief moment. Her decision had been made when she opened the door that joined their room. Pushing him back quickly, she tore her t-shirt over her head. John watched as her breasts dropped heavily, and swayed before him, while every muscle in his body twitched. She was wearing a pair of white cotton panties with tiny yellow flowers printed on them. They were innocent, and devilish at the same time. Marlena knew, she knew, those panties were the kind that drove him mad. The type that had soft lace around the edges and a tiny bow in the front. The panties that had him wanting to tear them from her soft curves and bury his face in her pussy. She knew that. John swallowed thickly, staring at her, while his fists clenched at his sides. 

John growled low in his throat, “Doc…you know…those fucking cotton panties!”

“Sometimes, I wear them, and I think of you all day…”

Stepping closer, John’s finger slid along the lace at her hip, slipping underneath, and then snapped the elastic against her skin softly, “So beautiful.”

Glancing up at Marlena, he found her staring at him. Her lips were puffy from their feverish kisses, and John watched as she slowly licked over them. She whispered softly, “Take them off of me, John. I imagine you sliding them down my legs all the time.”

“Fuck, Doc, you’re killing me,” he groaned. Twisting his fingers in the elastic, he dragged the cotton over her hips roughly, tugging it down her long legs. John found himself breathing deeply as he knelt before her. The warmth of her skin, combined with the scent of her arousal, had his cock leaking in his sweatpants. Looking up at her, Marlena saw that his pupils were dilated so much his eyes were nearly black. John said in husky tones, “You’re wet for me, Marlena. I can smell you. You smell like shampoo, soap, and desire.”

His palms gripped her rounded hips, and he pushed her body back against the wall with a soft thud, and spread her legs wide, staring at her moist, swollen folds. Marlena’s head fell back against the wall with a thump, and she bucked her hips towards him. His roughness, his sureness in knowing what she liked and what she wanted, had her crying out for him,  “John…John….please…”

John stood up, hastily pushing his sweatpants to the floor. His cock bobbed against his abdomen, as he stepped out of them. Boxing her in with his arms near her head, John leaned the length of his naked body against her trembling one, and he told her, “I will, Doc. Later. I will lick, and bite, and suck on your clit until you scream, baby…but not right now. Right now I need you, and I can’t wait…Wrap your arms around my neck.”

His arms moved down the length of hers, and his lips took her again, kissing her  softly. Marlena felt his fingernails scrape lightly over the sensitive skin of her arms, and she gasped, arching into him, whispering, “More!”

It was when his large palms gripped the back of her thighs, and he lifted her high against the wall, that Marlena cried out, “John!”, while scratching her fingernails across his shoulders. Something inside her told her to stop, but she found herself scratching him deeper. “John,” she whispered. “Now…now…”

The tingle and fire left in the wake of her nails across his shoulders, pushed him on. His fingers found her pussy, slipping easily through her wet heat, “Marlena…you are so fucking hot, and ready for me.” His finger flicked her swollen clit roughly, and he said, “It’s been weeks, baby. Every time I saw you. Every time your scent surrounded me…every time I briefly touched you, it was torture. Wanting you, and only you…” His fingers were coated in her viscous fluid, and he groaned, feeling more blood surge to his cock. John stared into Marlena’s eyes, as he used her arousal on his fingers, to lubricate his length. Gripping his cock in his fist, he teased her swollen entrance with the head of his cock.

“John! Now!” she cried, bucking against him.

He slid into her quickly, not even allowing time for her to adjust to his forceful intrusion. Marlena cried out again. John was breathing hard, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…G-d, you feel so good…”

“Fuck me,” she said, as John pushed deeper while adjusting his hands on her ass.

John looked at her. Her hazel eyes were wide, and her lips were puffy. Her words had him trembling. John could feel her pebbled nipples rubbing against his chest, as he pulled out of her, and quickly slammed back in. Fuck me. John shook against her, “Doc…if I don’t take this slow, I’ll come too soon.”

“John, I’m there…I’m so close, and I don’t want slow. I want you. I want you,” she said. “I want to feel every inch of you, and I want…I want you to own me.”

He couldn’t speak. He pulled his cock out, and thrust back in so hard, she hit the wall again with a sharp cry. John rasped, “I love you…I love you so much.”

His teeth bit the skin of her shoulder, and Marlena screamed, “Harder!”

John’s fingers dug into the soft flesh of her ass, and his mouth licked over her lips, as he continued to pound into her welcoming heat. Over and over, they were both lost in the sensation. Marlena felt her orgasm coming. She was overcome with emotion, and when it started, she could feel it deep inside herself, as John started coming too. She cried out softly against his ear, in short little mewling gasps, “I love you, John. Oh, how I love you!” 

Her whole body clenched, and John felt the shake in her legs as he held her close and pushed himself even deeper into her soft body, emptying himself into her. It briefly occurred to him that with Marlena he hadn’t used a condom, he hadn’t even considered a condom, but with Rebecca it had been his first thought. If Marlena got pregnant it would turn their lives upside down, but then John remembered saying to her mere weeks ago, “I’ll be honest, I want to rip your marriage to shreds and watch it burn in my wake!” Did he want to get her pregnant? John couldn’t begin to understand what might be going on in his own subconscious, but neither one of them had mentioned the possibility of pregnancy…almost as if they wanted it. A pregnancy would ultimately make this decision for them. 

Lifting her limp body from the wall, John turned towards her bed, seeing it in disarray from where she had been sleeping there with Roman. He stopped, but then Marlena whispered, “We didn’t…I didn’t make love with Roman here.”

John’s eyes met hers, and he whispered, “Okay…okay.” 

He moved to lay her down, and Marlena touched his face softly, “Stay with me.”

“You’re sure?”

Marlena tugged at his arm, smiling up at him softly, “I’m sure. Stay with me.”

Sinking into the bed behind her, John pulled Marlena back, curling his body around hers, “I love you so much, Doc…I don’t think I can let you go again.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“Doc?” John asked her softly.

“Hmmm?” she murmured, snuggling into his arms.

“We haven’t…we haven’t used a condom. Not once.”

“I know,” she told him. Turning to face him she said, “There’s a part of me that understands that getting pregnant right now would be the worst idea…but there’s another part of me that lights up with so much joy at the thought of our child growing inside me.”

“Then, doesn’t that tell you what you need to know?” he asked her. “Feeling that way…because Doc, the idea of my child growing inside of you…all I feel is joy, happiness, and…inevitability.”

Marlena felt tears in her eyes. He was right. They hadn’t been using condoms, and somewhere in her heart, she knew why. Getting pregnant would force her to make a decision she had been avoiding, and it would blow her marriage wide open. Why couldn’t she be brave enough to make that decision on her own?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

After a brief conversation with the hotel manager, in which money was exchanged, Victor caught the eye of a bellhop early the next morning. Pulling the young man to the side, Victor said, “Kevin Hobbs, correct?”

“Yes, sir,” the bellhop replied.

“I spoke with your manager, and he said you would be perfect for a job. Dr. Evans and Mr. Black…I don’t want them bothered. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir, Mr. Kiriakis,” the bell hop said. “Make sure they aren’t bothered.”

Victor handed the bellhop two hundred dollars, saying, “Mr. Hobbs, if you can make sure they aren’t bothered, I’ll pay you again when this retreat is over,” Victor said.

“Y-yes, sir, Mr. Kiriakis,” Kevin responded nervously. He wasn’t sure why this was his task, truthfully he didn’t care. He knew how to be discreet, and discretion was what Mr. Kiriakis was asking for. 

“As I said, your manager recommended you highly. I hope you can live up to that.”

“Yes, sir. I can.”

“They should be down for breakfast within the hour. After that they have some sessions to attend until lunch. After lunch, their time is their own,” Victor said briskly. “If they use the hot tub, the hot springs, or the sauna…they do it alone. Do you understand? They both have massages scheduled for directly after lunch. Change the appointment to a couples massage.”

“Yes, sir.”

Victor smiled, “They need as much time alone as possible.”

John walked into the banquet room, where they were to be served breakfast, and he looked around nervously. When he and Marlena were at the hot springs, someone else had been there. He needed to know who, because the last thing he and Marlena needed was someone who had seen them together in an intimate moment.

He turned quickly when Victor approached, and whispered, “You can stop looking around now, John.”

“What?”

“It was me…last night at the hot springs. I saw you and Marlena last night. No one else…so you can relax,” Victor said softly. “I’m not saying anything.”

John stared at him warily for a moment. While he and Victor had gotten over their sordid past, John wasn’t quite sure what his motives were right then. He looked around and asked, “Why?”

“I happen to think that you and Marlena are perfect for each other,” Victor told him. You think that too.”

John said, “Yes.”

“Then just be aware, I plan on telling no one what I witnessed last night.”

Victor walked away, and John stared after him. 

Marlena watched John’s conversation with Victor from the door way. As soon as Victor walked away, Marlena approached John. Standing behind him, she whispered, “Hey, sailor.”

John’s whole body trembled. Turning to face her, he whispered in low tones, “Hey, pretty lady.”

“I got out of the shower, and you were gone.”

“Doc, if I’d stayed, we both still be in bed right now,” he said with a cheeky grin.

“Hmmm,” she sighed. “I suppose you’re right. I was thinking some pretty filthy thoughts about you in the shower.”

John glanced around the room quickly, before saying, “You were?”

“Definitely,” she murmured.

John stepped closer, whispering in her ear, “Maybe you can tell me about it later.”

Marlena laughed lightly, walking away from him, “Maybe…”

He groaned low in his throat, and fell a little more in love with her as she walked away.

Chapter 23

When Roman entered his home at nearly 11:00 am he was already frustrated. He could hear the music from outside. It sounded like Carrie was having a party. Storming towards the kitchen, Roman threw open the door to find Carrie at the stove making pancakes, Eric singing into a wooden spoon as if it were a microphone, and Sami dancing around the kitchen with Brady strapped to the front of her in a snugli. 

He wanted to cover his ears as the radio blared, and Eric sang loudly, “Don’t walk away from me! No, don’t walk away from me! Don’t you dare walk away from me! I have nothing, nothing, nothing…If I don’t have you, you…”

“Turn the music down!” Roman roared.

Everyone in the kitchen stopped, and stared at him in surprise. Eric slowly moved towards the radio to lower the volume, and Carrie wiped her hands, asking, “Roman…why are you here?”

“I live here, Carrie!” he said loudly. “I was called back last night. Gus Bartoli’s been arrested.”

“Oh,” she said, thinking that she needed to call Austin as soon as she could.

“What I didn’t expect was to come home to find a damn circus in my kitchen!”

Sami smiled, bouncing Brady, saying, “It’s pancake Saturday.” As if that explained everything. 

Roman stared at her momentarily, waiting for an explanation, but Sami continued to stare at him, as if he should know what that was. Carrie sighed, knowing this would lead to an argument, “We used to have pancake Saturdays with John. He would make us pancakes for breakfast, and we would have a dance party in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, you walked in on the dance party part,” Eric said with a grin.

John. Always fucking John. Roman was angry, so he said, “I’ve been up nearly the whole night. I need to get some sleep, so I’d appreciate it if you kept the noise down.”

“But how can you have a dance party with quiet music?” Eric asked.

“I’m not John! John is not your father!” Roman yelled, making Brady start crying. He stared at the child with loathing and said, “I’m home now Carrie. You and Brady can go to your apartment.”

“No!” Sami cried. “If she goes with Brady, I wanna go too!”

“Me too!” Eric said, stepping close to Sami.

“Fine!” Roman roared like a child. “Go!” 

He left the kitchen in chaos. The pancakes were burning, Brady was crying, Sami was screaming, “I hate you”, and Eric sat in a kitchen chair, as silent as he could be.

Carrie turned the heat off on the stove, and said to the twins, “Go pack a bag. Weekend at my house?”

Eric and Sami both turned their hopeful eyes towards her, “Really?”

Carrie smiled, taking Brady from Sami and holding him close, “Really. And you know what? We’ll do pancake Saturday for dinner at my apartment, and Austin can come, too!”

Sami ran from the kitchen in excitement, while Eric  stayed in his chair. He looked up at Carrie with sad eyes, and he said, “I want my Aba again.”

Carrie sighed. Roman might be their biological father, but he wasn’t a nurturer. She rubbed her hand over Eric’s hair, and she said softly, “Go pack a bag.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena glanced at John in shock, and then back at the desk attendant at the hotel spa, “No, I—I booked a massage, but it wasn’t a couples massage—”

John’s hand covered Marlena’s on the countertop where it rested, and he interrupted, saying, “—what exactly does the couple’s massage entail?”

“Oh, um, well it would be the couple, you two, of course, and a massage therapist. They would show one of you, or both if you prefer, proper massage techniques, so that later…in the privacy of your own…um, home…you could give each other massages,” the girl said awkwardly.

John smiled widely, attempting to alleviate some of her nervousness, “That sounds perfect.”

Marlena looked around hurriedly, making sure the spa was empty, “John!”

He stared at her for a moment, and said, “It’s perfect. Doc, don’t fight fate.”

They were led into a room, lit only by candlelight placed all around the room. Marlena smiled as the scent of lavender and peppermint swirled around her, “Oh! It smells so good.”

John watched her, already feeling his body responding to her. A knock on the door sounded, and a man entered. He was John’s height with dark curly hair. Marlena stared at him for a moment, and waited for him to speak, “I’m Philippe, I’ll be your massage therapist for the session. Are you both being massaged or one of you?”

Before Marlena could speak, John said, “One of us.”

Her body shivered, as she stared at John. He was already turning her on. 

Philippe watched the byplay between them, and continued softly, telling Marlena, “The towels are on the table.” Looking at John, he said, “You may want to change. There are cotton pants in the dresser along the wall. It will keep you from getting oil on your clothes. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

As Philippe stepped outside the room, he took a deep breath. That room contained two of the finest human specimens he’d ever laid his eyes on.

Once the door closed behind Philippe, Marlena said, “He’s something…”

John smirked, stepping closer, “You find him attractive, Doc?”

“Well, I’m not immune to a handsome man, John Black,” she murmured.

“I’m fairly sure, he wasn’t immune to you either,” John whispered. 

He started unbuttoning her shirt, and Marlena said, “Maybe, but I study human behavior and Philippe was admiring us both.”

John stopped, momentarily surprised, and studied Marlena’s face saying, “Oh…”

She laughed lightly, and said, “How do you want me?”

“Now?” he asked her. “Or later?”

Marlena laughed again, “Oh, I think we should focus on now first.”

“On the table, Doc…face down…”

“You change John. Philippe will be back soon enough.”

John couldn’t deny that the thought, that Marlena might enjoy having the hands of two men on her body, intrigued him. It even turned him on. After changing into the soft cotton pants, John came closer, and helped her with her bra, unfastening it for her, he leaned closer, whispering in her ear, “I think the idea of having both our hands on you…I think it turns you on.”

“It doesn’t,” she whispered, shivering slightly.

“It does,” John said softly, licking behind her ear. “Get up on the table, Doc, so I can place the towels.” Sliding his palm over her naked back, John whispered, “It’s okay if it turns you on, Doc. You’re a very sensual person, but the only one who possesses your soul…is me.”

Marlena felt wetness slide along the crease of her pussy at the same time a gentle knock sounded on the door. John’s words sparked images in her mind. Images of Philippe’s hands on her body, as John watched. She shook again, and closed her eyes tightly. This was not the time to allow her imagination to run wild.

John answered the door wearing only the cotton pants he’d found in the dresser. Philippe looked him over appreciatively, and then pasted his professional face on, saying, “Is your wife ready?”

Neither John, nor Marlena corrected him. Philippe stepped towards the table where Marlena was, and he said softly, “Many people fail to realize that the hands and the feet can be erogenous zones. We’ll start with her hands.”

John watched as Philippe lifted Marlena’s right hand, and started rubbing his oiled hands over each finger, pushing his thumb along her palm. Lifting her left hand, he copied the movements, Philippe nodding his approval. Philippe started moving up her arm, squeezing and rolling her muscles in his large hands, and John did his best to copy the movements on the left arm.

Gazing up at John, Philippe said softly, “She is very relaxed. You can feel it in her muscles. They are loose and roll as you massage them. When you get to her shoulders, push the heel of your palm in slightly, and slide it forward.”

Marlena was on the table stuck in a haze of arousal. It was amazing. She wanted to moan, or gasp out her pleasure, but she held it in. Four hands slid over the soft skin of her back, kneading her muscles, and she had never felt better, or more relaxed. She felt Johns breath close to her ear, and his chest rubbed along her arm, as he said softly, “Does this feel good, Doc?”

With a soft sigh, she said, “Oh, yes…”

Philippe’s hands moved to her lower back, and John followed his motions. Marlena hadn’t said much, but John could sense her desire. It flowed through him, as if she were part of him. After they finished her feet, and her legs, Philippe asked John quietly, “Are you comfortable with her rolling over?”

John heard Marlena’s small gasp, and he replied, “As long as she’s covered.”

“Of course,” Philippe said, turning around.

Marlena rolled onto her back, and stared up at John. Her nipples were tight, and her pupils were blown, and John smiled at her. She was a fucking vision. He leaned down, whispering, “You’re absolutely beautiful, Marlena.”

John placed the towel over her pelvis, and another across her breasts, and he told Philippe softly, “She’s ready.”

Philippe turned around, hoping his own body wasn’t reacting to the sensual atmosphere those two created. “The next part will be you John, I won’t be hands on. I’ll simply describe the process, the method, okay?”

At this point, John felt his own body stirring. Marlena was a vision before him, his hands slid over her shoulders, and across her sternum. He kneaded his way up her legs, reaching her thighs, and John watched as her legs fell open slightly under the towel. He could imagine that she was swollen, and wet for him. He could imagine he smelled her sex. Willing his mind to stop, he pictured soccer plays, and baseball calls. 

Suddenly Philippe stepped back, and as he turned, John noticed the mans cock in his pants. He was turned on. They were all turned on. Philippe walked to the sink, and said casually over his shoulder. “I’ll leave you two alone to get dressed.” His eyes lifted to John’s, and he said, “The rooms not in use again for a couple hours.”

“Thank you,” John whispered, while Marlena didn’t make a sound. Philippe left the room, and John said, “You made him hard, Doc.” Her eyes opened in a haze of lust, staring up at him, and John told her, “He left this room as hard for you, as I am right now.”

Marlena smiled, reaching her hand out, and she rubbed her palm over John’s length. She started tugging on the tie to his pants, as she said, breathlessly, “Come here, John. Please, I want you in my mouth.”

Taking the towel that covered her breasts, John tossed it to the floor, and stepped closer, allowing the tip of his cock to brush over her lips. Marlena sighed, and opened her mouth, allowing John to slip inside. Closing her lips around him, she moaned, and John’s hips bucked, as he rasped out, “Oh, fuck, baby.”

Marlena’s massage continued as John’s hand cupped her breast, pulling at her nipple. His other hand removed the towel covering her pussy, and his fingers slid between her wet folds. He softly rubbed the pad of his finger over her clit, and she moaned again, swallowing John even deeper, while her hand reached out, pulling at his hip, bringing him closer.

She hummed, and he thought he might lose himself in her mouth. He pulled out, watching as she stared up at him, saying, “You taste so good.”

John rolled her onto her stomach, kneading the muscles up the backs of her thighs, before spreading them wide. Marlena gasped when she felt warm oil slide along the crease of her bottom, and she whispered, “John?”

“Relax, Doc,” he told her softly, kneading her flesh, and allowing his thumbs to slide deeper. He groaned. His cock was so hard, and he wanted her. “It’s too easy, baby. Relax…relax and let me slide right in.”

He pulled her body down to the end of the table, and spread her thighs wider. Marlena was so aroused, the throbbing on her center was almost painful. “John…John…I need to come,” she whispered.

He reached his hand underneath her, and started rubbing her clit again softly, while another finger rubbed over her anus, rolling, and pushing. He murmured, “Let me in, Marlena. Relax.”

“Oh, G-d,” she whined. “I’m close. I’m close…” Just as her orgasm started to consume her John slid his finger inside, and Marlena bit her own arm to keep from crying out. He slid another finger in, and she bucked against him. Her orgasm kept going, and then he added a third, and she thought she might die from the pleasure, as she gasped, “What are you doing to my body?”

John pulled his fingers out, and then Marlena nearly keened with pleasure as he slid the head of his cock into her. He waited, breathing heavy, before entering her deeper. She felt so full with him. John’s allowed her to get used to him, before his strong hands pulled her back even further. When he was fully seated, he laid over her back, gripping her shoulders, and started rolling his hips slowly. Every slow thrust, every push on his body, rubbed her clit on the table, and Marlena was lost again to pleasure.

John groaned, and whispered as he started coming, “Doc, oh, Doc, I missed this. I missed us…”

Chapter 24

John sat on the floor wearing only a pair of sweatpants, while Marlena sat across from him, wearing one of his button up shirts. Her hair was tousled, and her skin was make-up free after her shower. He watched her slowly chew the strawberry he’d just placed in her mouth, and he said quietly, “We go home the day after tomorrow.”

She swallowed, and then dipped another strawberry in whipped cream. John opened his mouth, and Marlena said, “I want to be with you. I can’t imagine my life any other way.”

He chewed in silence waiting for her to go on. 

“It’s complicated,” she said. “I have to find a place for me and the children to live. Filing for divorce is going to be a nightmare.”

“I can help you,” he told her, reaching for her hand. “I want to help you.”

She smiled at him softly, “Okay, but we…can’t move into the loft with you.”

John wanted them with him right away, but he knew that it would be in bad form to move in together immediately, “I have a place. A penthouse. It’s large enough for you and the twins. Carrie too, if she was interested.”

“John, I can’t afford a penthouse,” Marlena said. 

“You don’t need to, Doc. I own it.”

“You own it?” she asked him. John lived so minimally. He didn’t flaunt his money, and Marlena had no idea how wealthy he really was. He was Lawrence Alamein’s brother, and she was certain that Isabella had left him her money for Brady. Looking at him curiously, she whispered, “How much money do you have, John?”

He smiled, sliding another strawberry through the whipped cream, “Enough.”

“Why do you own a penthouse?”

“I bought it…when Isabella died,” he whispered. “I didn’t think I’d be able to continue living in the loft. I was planning to move there with Brady.”

“Why didn’t you?”

John put the strawberry in Marlena’s mouth, saying, “I got distracted by a pretty doctor. She helped me move on, then she was kidnapped, then I couldn’t seem to get her beautiful hazel eyes out of my mind.”

“Should I be jealous?” she asked him.

“Nah,” he said teasingly. He stared at her, and said softly, “But, Doc, seriously…I have a place for you and the kids, and I—I understand why you can’t move in with me right away.”

“This is going to hurt Roman,” she whispered, staring at her hands. “But…we can’t continue to pretend the situation isn’t unhealthy. I’m a psychiatrist, and I would have told a patient to leave months ago.”

John didn’t have much sympathy for Roman, but Marlena had known him before Stefano took him, and that was the man she worried about. The tears in her eyes had him moving closer, “Come here, Doc.”

Marlena turned and sat in the curve of John’s legs where they crossed in front of him. It was where she belonged, she could feel it inside of her. Touching John’s warm chest, she said, “Doing the this…the right thing for us, is going to hurt so many people.”

John replied softly, “I think it’s going to hurt Roman…on that part you’re right, but I’m not sure it’s going to hurt anyone else. The Brady’s love you no matter what. They love the children. Kimberly already suspects an affair, although I never actually confirmed it, but she hasn’t abandoned you. I think she might understand better than most people. Maybe, Caroline, too.”

She melted into him, closing her eyes, and rested her cheek on his warm skin, while he slowly caressed her hair, “Bo…Shawn…they might be upset at first, but ending your marriage to Roman is what’s best for you, and the twins. It’s unhealthy, baby. You know that.”

“I know. I knew all along,” she said quietly. “And I fell into the same trap so many other people fall into. I kept telling myself it would get better. It’s not.”

The telephone rang, and without jostling Marlena too much, John reached for it, handing her the phone. Marlena took it, saying “Hello?…Calm down, Carrie…What happened?…No, no. That’s good…Yes keep them there until I come home, and we’ll—we’ll figure it out…I love you, and tell the children I love them, too…Bye.”

Marlena handed him the telephone, and he replaced it on the bedside table, waiting for Marlena to speak. “The children were making pancakes this morning…pancake Saturday,” she said quietly. “Roman came home. He didn’t react well to the music, or the fact that it was a tradition that you started. He told Carrie to take Brady, and leave. Sami and Eric went with her. She said they refused to stay with him.”

“So, they are all with her, at her apartment?”

“Yes. Carrie promised them pancake Saturday for dinner,” Marlena told him. Looking up at him, she said, “I should have ended it months ago, John. This behavior of his, his jealousy of you, and the way he takes it out on the children. I’ve tolerated that for much too long.”

“I’ll call my cleaning service and have them go over the penthouse to get it ready for you, and the twinners.”

She smiled at him gently, stroking his face with her hand, “Thank you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Roman stood around the corner of the hallway in Carrie’s apartment building, watching as Carrie stood in her doorway speaking in soft tones to Austin. He’d come to apologize for overreacting earlier. She glanced over her shoulder, into the apartment, and then said softly to Austin, “Gus Bartoli was arrested last night. They called my dad in for it. I wanted to let you know, because they’re probably going to call you back in.”

Austin smiled at her, “Thank’s for letting me know.”

“Be honest with them, okay? You have the lawyer that John hired. You should make sure that they are with you.”

“Carrie you worry about me too much,” he replied. “I don’t have anything to hide. I’ve already told them everything I know, but if they call me back…I’ll bring the lawyer. I promise.”

“Be honest about everything John knew, too.”

“I will,” he said with a smile, finding her nervousness, and the way she cared about him endearing.

“But, Austin…don’t mention Marlena. What she knew about me trying to help you, or the $5000 John gave me. My dad knows about it, but he doesn’t know that she was involved too. Things with her and my dad are really rough right now.”

Austin touched her face softly, “Carrie, I know. You love Marlena as if she were your own mother. I won’t mention Marlena. I promise.”

Carrie whispered, “She is my mother. She has loved me like her own from the day she met me, and her knowing about John’s involvement, and helping me go to John to get you a lawyer…my dad, he doesn’t need to know about that.”

Roman stood around the corner, and leaned against the wall vibrating with rage. His first inclination was to confront Carrie, but he knew he was walking a fine line at his job. A very fine line. He would confront Marlena when she came home. She had been lying to him for months! Seeing John behind his back, and plotting to help his own daughter lie to him. She wasn’t the same woman he’d married. She was lying and deceitful. Roman’s fists clenched in fury, as he tried to gain control of his breathing.

Austin asked Carrie, “John knows not to mention Marlena…if they call him in, right.”

“That’s not even a question,” Carrie said. “He would protect her to his dying breath. He still loves her, you know…sometimes, I’m almost certain she still loves him.”

Roman turned on his heel and walked away, taking the stairs down, and exiting the building. He had some questions for his wife, and when she got home, he was going to demand some answers.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena stepped from the shower, just as John stood in the doorway. He smiled. She was looking good, healthier. She’d gained weight over the last few weeks. Every time John saw her he was reminding her to eat, or fixing her food. He’d even shown up at her office a few times, just as a friend, to drop off lunch and make sure she wasn’t skipping meals. It showed. The weight she’d lost seemed to be back, and she’d lost that hollow look beneath her eyes. She was happier away from Roman. Her skin held a rosy glow. 

John stepped into the small space, and said, “You didn’t need to shower again. You showered after your massage.”

“But then,” she said, rubbing a towel over her hair. “You got me all sweaty again.”

“It wasn’t too sweaty,” he said, lifting her face to his, as he kissed her lips softly. “It’s just…when I’m near you, Doc, I have a hard time keeping my hands to myself.”

She tied her robe, and stepped closer, running her fingers over his jaw softly, “I love you.”

“I love you,” he replied, wrapping one arm around her waist, pulling her closer. “I have always loved you.” He kissed her softly again, “The penthouse will be ready when we get back to Salem.”

“Roman’s going to know you paid for it,” she told him. “I can’t afford a penthouse on my own.”

“It doesn’t matter, Doc. Once we’re honest with him about the affair, it won’t matter. This is all going to blow up. We both know that, and you won’t be living with me right away. You have to live somewhere, but…you’re right…it can’t be with me at first; however, I won’t have you and the twinners in a hovel because you can’t afford something larger,” John told her, staring at her earnestly. 

Marlena laughed, stepping around him, “A hovel? John, please! It wouldn’t be a hovel.”

“Please, Doc. Don’t fight me on that.”

“I won’t,” she whispered. She exited the bathroom, and stepped into the hotel room she was now sharing with John. Glancing over at the open door to the adjoining room, guilt washed over her, but she pushed it down. She couldn’t think about it right then, because her time with John was so precious, and once they were home, she wasn’t sure how often they could see each other at first.

Pulling out her dress for the evening, she eyed it appreciatively. It wasn’t her usual style, but she’d allowed Sami and Carrie to go shopping with her. When her eighteen year old and her nine year old insisted she looked amazing in it, she’d bought it. The dress itself was knee length, with an empire waistline. It was a dark wine red color, with tiny thin straps. Marlena ran her fingers over it softly, as she laid it over the bed. Walking over to the dresser, she pulled out a nude colored, satin basque.

She was startled when she heard John’s voice from the bed, “Are you wearing that tonight, Doc?”

“Under my dress,” she told him. He was sitting on the bed, with his legs crossed at the ankle, while he relaxed against the headboard. 

“So, what you’re saying, Doc, is that I get to sit next to you at dinner, and imagine what you’re wearing under that cute little dress?”

Marlena smiled seductively, and said, “You won’t be imagining will you? If you’ve already seen it.”

“Fuck,” he said, “Come here.”

“No! Absolutely not!” she laughed. “Hand’s off for now.”

“Fine,” he told her. “I’ll spend dinner imagining all of the ways to get that off of you…after I admire you in it for awhile.” Marlena took her robe off, laying it on the end of the bed, and John continued to stare as she slid the soft fabric up her lengthy legs, and got it situated around her breasts. He whispered in awe, “You look amazing.”

She couldn’t stop herself from blushing at his praise, “Thank you.”

Marlena reached for the dress, and John leapt from the bed, “Wait! Don’t put the dress on yet…let me feel it…”

“John,” she whispered, feeling herself start to feel aroused. “We can’t make love again…not right now.”

“We won’t,” he whispered, running his hands over the smooth satin along her waist. He tugged her body again his chest, and splayed his palm over her abdomen. Marlena’s breasts were barely contained, and John sighed in her ear, “Fuck…what do you call this thing?”

“A basque,” she murmured. John’s hand’s moved over her curves, and she sighed.

“You need a few more of them…in different colors,” he rasped.

Marlena’s breath hitched, “We—we’re going to be late for dinner.”

John released her with a frustrated sigh, “Yeah…yeah, and while I could care less about dinner, you’re right. Let’s go show our faces.”

Chapter 25

Kate entered the banquet room on Victor’s arm, and glanced around. She felt a general feeling of success. Bella magazine was her baby, and she was going to see it through to success. Dinner was to be served in twenty minutes, but in the meantime, soft music played, and the lighting had been dimmed. She smiled up at Victor, saying, “Bella magazine is going to be a huge success. I can feel it.”

“I wholeheartedly agree,” Victor murmured. “A successful venture for you, means more money for me, and I would never say no to that.”

Kate laughed lightly, “I suppose not.”

Victor scanned the room, noticing the few dancing couples on the floor, and started guiding Kate to a table. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw John stand up. He reached for Marlena’s hand gently, and helped her from her seat. The love in his eyes was obvious. More than obvious. Victor would have to say something to John. If he and Marlena were trying to keep their feelings for each other a secret, they were doing a horrible job of it.

John led Marlena onto the dance floor just as the chorus of the song started. She looked amazing, allowing her hair to frame her face with curls. She didn’t have time to blow dry it out completely, and while she complained, saying it was unruly, John wanted to bury his fingers in it. He heard the swoosh of her dress around her thighs, as he walked her to the dance floor, and he knew he’d be semi-erect for the rest of the evening. 

Marlena turned into John’s arms, the move so natural, almost scripted. His arm slid around her waist, while the other softly pulled her other arm up to his chest and held it there. Marlena looked up at him with a soft smile that radiated all of the love she held for him. And when he stared down at her, as if she were the most precious thing in his life, she knew she was home. Come what may, but John Black was where she belonged.

Kate settled herself next to Victor at the table, and she whispered softly, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say they were in love.”

“John and Marlena have a long history,” Victor said softly. 

“I’ve heard whispers, but I try to mind my own business,” she told him. “Whatever they feel for each other, it seems rather…intense.”

“John is coaching her daughter Sami’s soccer team, and I heard he’ll be coaching her son Eric’s baseball team starting next month,” Victor said. “They’re probably just discussing that.”

Kate watched them, and then glanced over at Victor quickly. It was more than discussing her children’s sporting teams, and coaching. Watching them dance, that much was obvious, and Victor…intentionally trying to distract her, was fascinating. She watched as John smoothed his hand over Marlena’s hip, dipping down slightly to a point that it seemed almost intimate. Kate blushed, turning her eyes away, and caught Victor watching her. Clearing her throat, she murmured, “It’s almost time for dinner isn’t it?”

John glanced down, his eyes taking in the soft curves of her breasts. Every breath she took, had them almost spilling out of her dress. John whispered softly, “Your breasts, Doc. I just want to lick and bite them.”

Marlena blushed slightly, “John…people can see how you feel.”

“Are we trying to hide it?” he asked her.

“Well…we—we shouldn’t be obvious,” she whispered.

John gently ran the tip of his nose up the side of her jaw, “That’s so hard, baby.”

“John…”

He smiled down at her, “Okay, Doc…I’ll stop. I’ll stop.”

The lights flashed in the room quickly, and then brightened. Marlena hadn’t felt this happy or this content since her early days with John…when they thought he was Roman. He led her back to a table in the corner of the room, and he whispered, “I love you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman looked around his parents living room, and asked loudly, “Where’s Carrie and the twins?”

“Oh, she didn’t realize that when you have a baby, it takes twice as long to get ready,” Caroline told him. “She’ll be along shortly.”

The door opened, and Kim, Shane, Andrew, and Jeannie arrived, causing the noise level in the house to double. Roman shook his head lightly. He struggled with noise. When he was imprisoned by Stefano, the mans favorite form of torture, before the pain started, was sleep deprivation, and classical music played at an intolerable volume. Children, and teenagers brought with them a volume that Roman found nearly intolerable.

He glanced at his sister’s family in frustration, and said to his mother, “Carrie’s bringing John’s kid?”

Caroline was past her breaking point with Roman, and said more loudly than she intended, “John’s son has a name, and it’s Brady. Now, stop with this nonsense Roman!”

“I just thought this was family dinner, and—”

“—it is a family dinner,” Kim said, interrupting what she was sure would be another tantrum from her older brother. “John and Brady are family Roman, and eventually you’re going to have to come to terms with that. Family isn’t always blood. Families can be blended, and sometimes, Roman…sometimes those families have the most love.”

“I won’t accept John, and I won’t accept his child,” Roman said. “Do you even try to understand how much it hurt me to be locked up for seven years…seven years! And the whole time, I’m clinging to my family. My memories…praying that someone is looking for me, and then, lo and behold, a miracle! I find my wife traipsing around the jungle like an angel from heaven, only she doesn’t know me…or want me! The whole time I was being tortured and kept from my family, they didn’t miss me. Hell, they barely mourned me.”

Caroline watched her son with tears in her eyes, and she tried to reach out to him, but he pushed her arm away. “No! No, Ma!” Roman said nearly shouting. “I come home, and find that I wasn’t missed at all. Not really, because you had Roman Brady with you the whole time! He was living in my house. He was raising my children. He was working my job! And my wife? He was fuck—”

Caroline’s hand shot out, smacking her son across the face with a look of ferocity, “Roman Augustus Brady! You will not speak like that in my house in front of children! Do you hear me?”

He touched his face, feeling the heat and the burn from where her hand had struck him, and he turned, walking out of the house. The silence in the room was palpable, and Kim said to her mother softly, “I’ll go get him.”

Outside, Kim followed her brother down to the pier. He heard her soft footsteps approaching, and he mumbled, “Kimmy, I don’t need any of your bull shit psycho babble.”

She laughed softly, coming to stand beside him, “Is that what you think of psychiatrists and therapists?”

“Marlena tried that shit with me when I first came home. Leave it alone,” he mumbled.

“Marlena cares about you,” Kim said. “She was trying to help.”

“No thanks. I don’t need it.”

“Are you sure? Because, I watch you Roman, and as much as you like to pretend that you weren’t affected by your time with Stefano…you can’t escape it,” she told him. “Marlena could help you…if you allowed it.”

“No, Kim. Drop it.”

“You know, John used to be her patient. When he first came to Salem, and he had no idea who he was. He was John Black then, too.”

“Marlena was John’s doctor?”

“Well…she was seeing him more off the record. Sessions at the house mostly. Haven’t you ever talked about this with her?”

“Kimmy, I don’t see the point,” he said, tossing a rock into the river.

“Oh, there’s a point, Roman,” Kim said softly, pulling him to a nearby bench. “You want to move on. You want to move on and forget the past, and for you it seems easy, but it’s unfair to expect the same from everyone around you. When we thought that John was you, the twins weren’t even a year and a half old yet. He was their father Roman! He raised them, and then you came home, and you took it all. You took his whole life. He didn’t fight you on it, and he knew nothing but that life! He stepped back graciously, because as much as you refuse to admit it, John is a good guy. Look at Carrie, Eric, and Sami, and try to tell me he’s not. He loves those kids with his whole heart and soul.”

“I’m home now,” Roman muttered.

“And Marlena? They were chased through the woods of West Virginia by the ISA, the KGB, and Victor Kiriakis. He sat by Marlena’s bedside for hours every day when she was in a coma—”

“—what?”

“She fell from a building Roman, assisting a suicidal teen, and she lost her footing. He was still struggling with memory loss, Carrie refused to accept him, and he was juggling the twins, and a job…but through it all, he was with Marlena as much as possible.”

“Is all of this supposed to make me accept that he came to Salem and stole my life?”

Kim sighed, “He had amnesia, Roman! Did he steal it? Or did the Brady’s give it to him? I think, you need to reconcile those seven years.”

“Are we back to the psycho babble?”

“Marlena was gone for five years. You act as if she were here living the whole time with John. She wasn’t, and you know that. But when she was here, when she was with John, she loved him deeply. She loved him when she came home. You have to accept that, and you have to stop blaming her for that.”

“Who the fuck do I blame, Kimmy? Who? If I can’t blame Doc…or John, then who the fuck do I blame?” he roared.

“Maybe the person who deserves it,” she whispered. “Stefano DiMera.”

“Fine. Fine…I get the point, but it doesn’t change a damn thing Kim. Not really, because since I came home, Marlena has been lying to me.”

Kim felt her nerves, as she wondered what he was speaking of.

“She’s known about this whole situation with Austin Reed and Gus Bartoli from the start! It wasn’t just John and Carrie lying to me. Doc was in on it,” he said, feeling his rage start to simmer again. “She’s known since right after she was recused from her kidnapping! When she was missing, and John went to Washington D.C. to search for her…a check was stolen from his loft. He went to Marlena about it, because he thought it might have been Carrie—”

“—and, why would he go to Marlena and not you?”

“Huh?”

“Why would he go to Marlena and not you?” Kim asked him again.

Roman had a flash of his argument with John at the pub. The argument about Carrie, and he paused. He’d accused John of trying to be Carrie’s father. He’d told the man to stay away from his family. Kim had been there, so her question was strictly rhetorical. “I don’t care,” he said in a calmer voice.

“Why would he come to you, when his expectation would be that you would go off on him again, and start another barrage of verbal vomit?”

Roman almost laughed as he looked down at his little sister, “Verbal vomit?”

She smiled, laying her hand on his arm gently, “Just think about it.”

“It doesn’t change anything, Kim. They both have been lying to me for months, and that…I can’t let that go,” Roman told her.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she said.

Chapter 26

Dinner was finished, and people were mingling, some were dancing. Marlena sat with John hidden in the shadows of the corner, slowly drinking her second glass of red wine. John’s eyes took in every details, scanning over the way her breasts rounded at the edge of her bodice, to her slender fingers where they rested on the stem of her wine glass. She seemed lost in a daydream, her eyes staring off into the distance of nowhere in particular, until she felt John’s warm hand on her thigh underneath the tablecloth. She looked up at him quickly with wide eyes, and he said gently, “Don’t look so surprised. People will notice.”

Reaching for his wrist, Marlena gripped it, stopping his movement, as she looked around the room, “John…stop…”

The soft fabric of her dress was being pulled along with the soft caress of his fingers, as he murmured, “Oh we both know, you don’t want me to stop.”

“People will see—and I can’t, oh!” she whispered, when one of his fingers swiped softly over the cleft of her pussy. “John!”

“You better school those features, baby, or everyone’s going to know what we’re up to,” he told her, still gazing around the room carelessly.

Marlena gasped softly, “John…John, I’m not like you. I can’t hide what you’re making me feel.”

His middle finger tapped her fabric covered clit lightly, and then slid over the satin, before he whispered, “You’re going to have to, Doc, because I’m not stopping.” Sliding the palm of his hand over her hot center, John said, “Are these snaps in the gusset?”

“Yes,” she said softly.

“Fuck. So, I can just…” John flicked one snap, and Marlena gasped again, feeling the fabric release between her thighs. “Flick these snaps open, and touch you…right here in front of everyone.” He flicked another, sliding a finger along her moist flesh. John gripped the gusset of her basque, and pulled. Marlena felt the release of tension in the fabric, and held her breath. He slid his finger along her crease, dipping into her wetness. His touch was so soft she felt she might cry from the pleasure. It was a tease that had her on edge almost immediately.

“John, take me back to the room. Please?”

“I will,” he said, glancing down at her briefly. “After you come on my hand.”

“I can’t,” she whispered.

“You will…you’ve done it before.”

John pushed on her clit, and she sighed, “That was…that was a long time ago.”

“I made you come on my fingers, remember?” John asked her swirling the soft pad of his middle finger around her swollen clit. “We went to dinner after Abe and I were promoted. Lexie had to leave early…and as I talked to Abe about a case we were working on, I rubbed my fingers over your pussy…so slow, baby. So fucking slow. You told me later it was so soft you thought you might be imagining it.” John smiled as someone walked by and waved at them, but continued his slow torture of Marlena.

“I was—I was surprised,” she said taking in a faltering breath.

“Because…it wasn’t something Roman would do?” he wanted to know. 

Marlena thought she would die of bliss, as John continued his slow, methodical, caress under the table. She sighed, lost in sensation, and her legs fell open, “It was so…out of character for who I thought you were.” 

John leaned closer, allowing his breath to brush her ear, “But you liked it.”

“I did…” she said so softly he could barely hear it. Her eyes closed, as she felt her orgasm building, and she said in a faltering voice, “John…please…”

When she opened her eyes, she saw Kate approaching, with Victor coming up behind her. Marlena’s eyes widened. John started rubbing harder without increasing his speed. 

Kate said, “I was just heading up for the evening, but I wanted to thank you both for staying at the retreat, even though Rebecca and Roman had to go back to Salem. It must be awfully lonely by yourselves.”

John laughed casually, while pushing hard on Marlena’s clit several times, “I’m not very lonely. I’ve got Doc.” She squeezed her legs around his intrusive hand, but he only smiled gently at Kate.

“It’s so nice that you two remained close…after everything,” Kate said with a sincere smile.

Victor knew exactly what Kate had interrupted, although John didn’t seem fazed in the least. He touched Kate’s arm softly to get her attention, “I was wondering if you might join me at the bar for a drink?”

“Victor, that would be lovely,” Kate said with a smile.

Marlena thought she might scream out loud, alerting the whole room to her situation, because John’s velvety soft touch was driving her higher and higher, even as she tried with all her might to push it down the sensations that were trying to break through. Her fingers clenched his thigh, and her nails dug into his flesh through the suit pants he was wearing. She smiled at Kate, praying her features were placid, all the while she hung on the edge of the biggest orgasm of her life.

Kate leaned forward, completely unaware of the scene playing out before her, “Marlena, I wanted to also say, your presentation today, about the importance of remembering our audience…the readers of Bella. It was so powerful.”

John started tapping his middle finger on Marlena’s clit, while occasionally adding deep pressure, and he said, “She’s amazing isn’t she?”

“Thank you,” Marlena said, hoping she sounded as normal as possible. “That’s really very nice of you to say.”

Victor found the scenario humorous. He had been quite the scandal in his younger years, but even he wouldn’t have had the audacity to carry out an affair under the noses of a room full of people. Glancing at John, who gave nothing away, Victor said to Kate, “That drink?”

“Oh yes,” she replied with a laugh. To Marlena and John she said, “Enjoy your evening. I’ll see you in the morning.”

John’s slow tortuous rub over her clit continued with deep pressure, and as Victor turned, taking Kate’s elbow, Marlena’s orgasm came over her so quickly it nearly destroyed her. Her legs trembled, and she squeezed them tightly around John’s hand. He continued to torture her most sensitive region until Marlena felt she would melt underneath him. She sat there, breathing heavy, while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy, when what had just happened to her was anything but normal. Tipping his mouth towards Marlena’s ear, John whispered in a husky voice, “Let’s go to the Hot Springs.”

Marlena’s eyes were hazy, and she had trouble focusing them, as she stared up at him, “What?”

John slipped his fingers from under the table casually, and sucked them clean, as if he had just eaten the most delectable desert, “I didn’t make love to you the other night at the Hot Springs…I’m going to tonight.”

She looked up at him, her nerves still tingling from her mind crushing orgasm, and she whispered breathlessly, “Okay.”

He stood up, fastening his jacket to cover his obvious arousal. John held his hand out, taking hers gently, “Let’s go, baby.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kevin Hobbs was tired, but he knew when this Bella Magazine work retreat was over, Victor Kiriakis would play him handsomely. He stood at the head of the path to the hot springs and watched as Kate Roberts approached. He sighed softly, and stepped forward, “I’m sorry Ms. Roberts, the hot springs are closed tonight.”

“Oh,” she said regretfully. “I was hoping to soak for a bit. My muscles are so tight.”

“They should reopen early tomorrow morning, if you’d like to come before breakfast,” Kevin suggested helpfully. 

She smiled congenially, “I think I might do that. Thank you.”

He watched her walk away, with a smug smile. She had no idea what was really going on down at the hot springs, neither did he for that matter, but he had a pretty good idea.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John allowed his body to drift back into deeper water, while his eyes stayed riveted on Marlena’s naked body. The moon was full, and the light cast over her curves was art in motion. The shadows played over her breasts, and the cleft between her legs was hidden in sultry darkness. He hadn’t even touched her yet, and blood was surging to his cock. She stepped into the water, sinking quickly, and John reached for her, saying with emotion choked voice, “Come here, Doc.”

When John’s arms wrapped around her, she relaxed against him with a soft sigh, looping her arms around his neck. Her breasts slid across his chest, “I love you so much, John Black.”

He drifted deeper into the water, pulling her along. One hand to cupped her ass, pulling her body closer, as he whispered, “Wrap those gorgeous legs around me, Doc.”

Her legs tangled with his before circling his hips, and locking behind him. Marlena sighed loudly, feeling his turgid cock slide between her swollen lips. “Oh, John,” she moaned softly. Rolling her hips to get more pressure against her clit, she murmured, “You feel…so good.”

The heat from where she rested on his length burned him in the most heavenly fire, “G-d, Doc, you’re pussy is so hot.”

“You—you get me to do things I wouldn’t normally do…I shouldn’t be doing this…”

“Night before last, Doc…you wanted this.”

“I still do,” she whispered. “G-d, I still do.”

John swam them over to the far side of the pool, deeper into the shadows. She heard the fall of water increase in volume as they got closer. Her eyes widened, and she whispered, “John…where are we going?”

“I found something under the waterfall the first day we arrived,” he whispered. “Rebecca was napping, and I saw you and Roman in the lobby. I couldn’t stand it, so…I went exploring.”

John pushed their bodies under a heavy stream of warm water, and Marlena blinked her eyes quickly, adjusting to the dark. They were in a small cave, lit only by the reflection of the moon on the water. Her eyes took in her surroundings, and she whispered, “Oh, John…it’s so beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful,” he told her, tracing his fingers over her face carefully. “I’ve never considered myself especially poetic, but I swear, Marlena…you make my heart sing. You always have.”

She sometimes doubted his love, because when she had been strong enough to fight her way home, he had pushed her away. John saw the doubt in her eyes, and he whispered, “You were my everything. You taught me to love myself. You gave me a family…and you gave me you. When I lost you the first time, my heart was torn from my body, and when I failed to save you and lost you a second time…I swear, Doc, I died.”

“John,” she whispered staring up at him.

“When you came home, I was afraid to reach for you. I was afraid of reliving that pain if I lost you again. I clung to Isabella like a tether to my own sanity, because I was too fucking scared to reach for you.”

Marlena’s back hit a smooth stone surface, and John buried his face in her neck, kissing her skin softly. Threading her fingers in his hair, she whispered, “It hurt me so much. I was so scared, and confused when I came home. All I wanted was you, and you kept pushing me away.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” John whispered, rubbing his face alongside hers. “I’m so fucking sorry.  I loved you so much. I know it doesn’t make sense. I can barely make sense of it myself, but the fear…G-d, I’ve never been so afraid of something in my life, as I was when you came home.”

Marlena tipped John’s face up, forcing him to look into her eyes, and she said firmly, “Never again, John. Never again…promise me?”

“I promise, Marlena. From now on, with you, I’ll be forever honest.”

She rolled her hips against him, and whispered, “Make love to me.”

He looped his arms under hers, and gripped her shoulders, pushing her more firmly against the smooth stone at her back. Staring into her eyes, John’s hips pulled back, and then he slid his entire length into the warmest piece of heaven he’d ever known in his life.

Chapter 27

It was after 10:30 pm when Victor stood in his hotel room staring over a selection of photos spread across the table. He picked one up, studying it closely. It was from dinner that night. A singular moment in time, where John and Marlena sat beside each other. Victor saw that John’s arm was under the table. He saw Marlena staring up at John with wide eyes, her lips parted in surprise. John stared down at her as if he would possess her. Victor handed the photo to the photographer, “Add this one with the others. I want the pictures, along with the article in tomorrows edition of The Spectator.”

“Tomorrow?” the photographer asked him in confusion. “I’m not certain we can make the morning edition. I’d need to start driving towards Salem now, to make the deadline.” 

Victor looked at the man carefully, “I think you’ll figure it out.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John wrapped his arms around Marlena’s hips the following morning, as she stood packing her bag to go home. He burrowed his face in her hair, and asked her softly, “Are you feeling okay, Doc?”

She didn’t respond right away, instead allowing herself to soak in his warmth. Marlena leaned back against his chest, whispering, “I’m scared to death. I don’t even know how to begin a conversation like I’m about to have with Roman.”

“Do you—do you want me to be with you?”

“I do…and I don’t,” she said softly. “Having you there would give me the strength I need. It would make me feel safe and supported, but…I think, ultimately, it would be a bad idea. Roman is going to be so hurt.” Turning in his arms, Marlena told him, “John, we’ve been having an affair since the beginning of February. It’s almost May. Us…this affair…it wasn’t once or twice. It can’t be dismissed as unbridled passion, or weak moments. It’s been ongoing.”

John’s hands cupped her face, “I’m afraid of his reaction.”

“He won’t hurt me.”

“Are you certain? Can you tell me with 100% certainty that he won’t, in a fit of rage, hurt you?”

Marlena remembered the argument when Roman gripped her arm, digging his fingers into the soft flesh a few weeks earlier. He’d done it intentionally, and he’d left bruises. Marlena whispered, “No.”

“Because, he’s done something before, right?”

“Yes, but John—”

“—Marlena! No. I’ll wait in the car. I’ll wait outside, but I won’t leave you alone,” he said emphatically. “Have Carrie pick up the twins, or see if they can go spend the day with Shawn and Caroline. I don’t want them there when you get home.”

Marlena knew she could have been stubborn. She could have argued against him, but something inside her knew he was right. She turned away from him, sitting on the bed, and picked up the telephone receiver, dialing Carrie’s apartment. There was no more putting this off. There was no more pretending that she could fix her broken marriage or her broken husband.

John listened as Marlena and Carrie made plans for Carrie to take the twins to the zoo. It was supposed to be a nice Sunday afternoon. Marlena hung up the telephone, and said softly, “Carrie’s going to pick them up at 2:00. They should be out of the house when I get home.”

“How can you be sure Roman will be home, and not at work?”

“I can’t,” she said softly. “But I have a feeling he will be. Something in my gut that’s telling me…today is going to be the hardest day of my life.”

John said softly, “I want you and the children in the penthouse tonight, Doc. Just pack overnight bags for them, and we’ll figure out the rest later. Can you do that for me? I want you and the children out of the house as soon as possible.”

Marlena leaned her face forward, rubbing her cheek softly over the cotton of his shirt, “You’re right. I know, you’re right. I’m not looking forward to the rest of my day…I’d rather get lost in you.”

John smiled, softly caressing her back, “We can get lost in each other one more time before we go.”

Looking up at John, with wide hazel eyes, Marlena said, “Kiss me…”

John smiled widely, his lips barely touching hers, as he whispered, “Oh, Doc, I’m going to do more than kiss you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman checked the front stoop looking for the newspaper, and realizing it wasn’t there he came back inside the house. Yelling upstairs, he said, “Sami! Eric! Did one of you get the newspaper this morning?”

He heard Sami’s voice call down the stairs, “I did! Jaimie called, and she said Mom and Aba were in the paper, so I wanted to see.”

“Bring me the paper,” he said in a grumpy voice.

Sami came down the stairs slowly carrying what was left of the newspaper, as well as a handful of clippings.

“What the hell did you do to the paper?” he said loudly, noticing that she’d cut parts of it out.

“I wanted to cut out the pictures,” she said softly. “I was gonna hang ‘em in my room.”

“For G-d’s sake, Sami! Just put it all on the table,” he told her rudely. “Then go upstairs and get ready to go to the zoo.”

“Can I have the pictures?”

“No!” Roman said. “No, you can’t! Next time ask me before you destroy the paper. I won’t be able to read it like this.” 

Sami walked away, her head hanging low. She still had one picture upstairs, and she really hoped her Dad wouldn’t notice it was missing. It was her Aba dancing with her Mama, and Sami thought they looked so happy together. She would hide that one in her dresser, she thought as she ascended the stairs.

Roman glanced over the mess on the table, and began to sift through it to see if any of it was salvageable. He reached for the clippings Sami had left and flipped one over to look at it. It was a photo of Marlena speaking at the conference. Underneath was the caption, Dr. Marlena Evans discusses the importance of self esteem in teenage girls. Roman grunted in frustration, “They can’t even get her name right. It’s Evans-Brady.”

He pushed it to the side, and selected the other clipping. He stared at it for a long time trying to process what he thought he was seeing. On first glance, the photo was completely benign. A simple photograph of Marlena and John at dinner, but it was more than that. Marlena stared up at John, her eyes half-lidded, and her soft lips partially open. John stared down at her as if he would devour her in an instant. 

While other people might have seen two dinner companions caught mid-conversation, Roman saw two people who wanted to fuck each other on the table in front of them. His mind ran wild. John’s hand was under the table. Why? What could they be doing? What did they do? Was he touching her soft skin along her knee? Had John’s hand moved higher than her knee? Had she allowed him, or had she pushed his hand away moments after the photo? Did John even touch her? Maybe he wasn’t touching her at all. Roman’s mind wanted to scream no…but their faces told a whole story, if you knew them. And to Roman, those faces were saying yes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John had given up any pretense of acting as if he didn’t want to be at Marlena’s beck and call. He carried their bags into the lobby, with her beside him. He knew they had gotten a few stares from co-workers, but no one said anything. It would all come out soon enough he knew, but in the meantime, he would spare Marlena the judgement. “You ready to go, Doc?”

“I am,” she said softly, remembering Roman’s request that she not ride home with John.

John leaned close, and whispered, “You’re not riding home with anyone else, but me.”

“I know,” she replied staring up at him breathlessly. “I know.”

“I’m going get the valet to drive the car around. I’ll be right back,” he told her.

Marlena felt a mix of apprehension and finality when she thought about arriving home later that afternoon. She wasn’t sure exactly what to expect, but she knew it wouldn’t be good. Roman would explode. There would be no getting around that. 

“Marlena!” Kate called excitedly from across the lobby. “Victor was able to have an article about Bella Magazine written for todays Spectator. It even includes photos! This is really going to help with exposure.”

“He did? Have you seen the article?” Marlena asked her curiously. 

“Oh, yes, I have it right here,” Kate told her juggling the items in her hand, and handing Marlena the newspaper. 

Marlena glanced over it quickly, dread settling in her stomach. There were photos of her and John. In one they were dancing, his palm splayed wide on her hip, much lower than propriety would dictate.

Kate said, “He rushed the article. There’s even a photo of you and John from dinner!”

“I see that,” Marlena replied softly. The photo was in the paper. Marlena knew the exact moment it was taken. She’d stared up at him in surprise, and she could still hear his voice:

“Don’t look so surprised. People will notice.”

“John…stop…”

“Oh, we both know, you don’t want me to stop.”

Handing the newspaper back to Kate, Marlena murmured, “It’s quite exciting.” 

Marlena’s eyes connected with Victor’s, as Kate walked away, and he nodded his head at her once. He had done this. She knew he had. He had selected the photos, and pushed for the article to be published before she and John arrived home, so Roman would see it. A piece of her was angry. Victor had gone and pulled the rug out from under her, but another part of her nearly sighed in relief. Roman would see those pictures, and he would wonder. Roman was smart, and he would notice the details. The placements of John’s hand in the photo of them dancing. The look on both of their faces at the dinner table. Roman was already jealous, and she could imagine his mind going wild wondering why John’s hand was under the table. Those pictures were the push she needed to go home, and be honest. Get it over with, and admit she loved John. Admit her affair.

John returned, reaching for her hand, and as they left the lobby he said goodbye to Victor, although Marlena didn’t say anything. John glanced over at her, whispering, “Are you upset with Victor?”

“I’m not sure,” she said getting into the Jeep.

John went around the vehicle, and slid into the driver’s seat, “You want to talk about it?”

“He had an article put in The Spectator about the retreat…”

“That’s a bad thing?”

“There are photos of you and I…they would rouse Roman, and I find myself wondering if Victor did it on purpose?”

John was quiet for a moment. Victor had changed for the better, but he hadn’t completely given up his conniving ways. John sighed, “Victor saw us that night at the hot springs.”

Marlena looked over at John with a short gasp, “It was him? How do you know?”

“He told me,” John said, pulling out onto the main road. “I didn’t tell you, because Victor said he would keep it quiet…and he has, but, even without seeing the photos…you’re probably right. I was thinking about it this morning. Victor asked me if I’d enjoyed my time with you, and I immediately started thinking about the last few days. Did you notice?”

“Notice what?”

“We were alone the whole time. Everywhere we went, everything we did…there was no one else around, and I began to think that Victor may have orchestrated the whole thing.”

“Even calling Roman and Rebecca back to Salem?” she wondered.

“I think that was the first thing he did,” John told her.

Marlena was quiet for a moment, and she finally said, “I don’t care. I’m—I think I’m glad he did it, even though I’m afraid of what I’ll encounter at home…I wouldn’t give up the last three days with you.”

Chapter 28

Almost as soon as Carrie left with the twins, Roman turned on his heel and went upstairs. Marlena had lied to him about what she knew regarding Austin, Carrie, and the gambling ring. He couldn’t get the photos from the newspaper out of his mind. What else was she lying to him about? Whatever it was, he was determined to find out. She kept a box in the closet. It was locked, but Roman knew where the key was. She also had another box downstairs, in the bottom drawer of the buffet cabinet.

Roman entered their bedroom, and took the box from the closet. He placed it on the bed, staring at it for a moment. It had never bothered him before that she had secrets. After all, what type of secrets could the calm, demure, and sedate, Dr. Evans have? Roman was doubting everything. He went to their dresser, pulling the top right drawer open, the one where she kept her panties. He started pulling everything out, placing it on top. The bottom of the drawer was lined with photos. Photos Roman had never seen.

He gathered them into a pile, and took the key to the lockbox. Roman moved to sit on the edge of the bed, glancing at the photos one by one. Several of them all looked to be from the same day. John was wearing a black turtleneck under a flannel shirt, and Marlena was wearing a fluffy sweater made of cashmere, with bright yellow and white accented by black. 

Roman wanted to rip the photos to shreds, and burn them in the fireplace, but he continued to stare at them. She’d had them close to her, where she could pull them out at any random moment, and stare at them. Roman flipped one over, and noticed writing on the back, which only served to agitate him further. It had originally said, Roman my love. Roman had been crossed out, and written simply beside it was John.

The next photo, Marlena was biting John’s ear, while he cocked his eye at the camera holder. Roman slid it to the back of the pile quickly. Over and over again, it was photos of Marlena and John. In one, he stared at him adoringly. In another, he spun her around while her head was thrown back in laughter. In the last one, she rested her head on his chest while they watched someone sing at Blondies. Roman couldn’t get over the fact that, she kept pictures of her time with John, that close to her. He’d honestly believed she’d gotten rid of them all. He’d never asked her…he’d simply assumed. He could ponder his own arrogance later.

With a shaky hand, Roman placed the key in the lockbox and lifted the lid. He stared at the contents. Lifting an envelope, he found more photos of John and the children, but also photos of John with Kayla, Kim, and Bo. Roman shoved them all down, as well as his feelings, and placed them aside. What was left in the box, had Roman dumbfounded. He mumbled to himself, “What the fuck?”

Roman had been a police officer long enough to know what he was looking at, but it didn’t make sense. What he knew of his wife, or at least what he thought he knew of her, didn’t match with what he saw. Roman stared down at two vibrators and a chrome plug, with a purple gem on it. In his time with Marlena, they had never done anything but standard lovemaking. It simply wasn’t who she was. But Roman’s mind interjected, did you ever ask? Why did she have these things? He pushed them to the side and found silk wrist ties, and a small black case he was hesitant to open, but given that he was already snooping through her things…he opened it.

It was a set of Wartenberg wheels. He had never ventured into the realm of kinky sex with his wife. She simply wasn’t like that, and yet before him was evidence that she was like that. There was no other possible answer for what he saw before him. Roman shoved everything back into the box, staring at the chrome butt plug one last time before he slammed the lid closed. Leaving everything on the end of the bed in disarray, Roman headed downstairs for the hatbox his wife kept in the buffet cabinet.

Downstairs, he yanked the drawer open so quickly, it fell out onto the floor. He stared down at a hideous, flower covered hatbox. Picking it up, he placed it on the kitchen table, and tore the lid off quickly, tossing it to the side. On top, a framed wedding photo of his wife and John, when they thought he was Roman. Roman felt overwhelmed, and furious. In an impulsive fit of rage, he threw the framed photo to the floor, watching as the glass broke, and tore across the photo, leaving a deep gouge in it. He didn’t recognize everything in the box, but he innately knew it was all connected with John. What he did recognize was the cashmere sweater from the photos upstairs, and the charm bracelet John had given Marlena at Christmas the year before.

The box also contained amethyst earrings, pressed flowers, and a selection of notes and cards. Roman lifted one, opening it, and read:

My Dearest Marlena, I’m marrying Isabella tomorrow. It’s the right thing to do for me…for you. But, please…I want you to know, my memory starts and ends with you. Wherever we go in life. Wherever we end up, always remember, you will forever hold a piece of my heart. Forever.  Love, John

Roman read the note through four times before he crumpled it in his fist with a roar, “He was writing fucking love letters to my wife?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena and John had been driving for more than two hours. They were halfway home, and with every mile, every minute…every second, Marlena felt her anxiety rising. Her chest was tight, and it was becoming more difficult to breathe. Her whole life was about to erupt in chaos, and even knowing that it was inevitable, didn’t take away the growing fear that because of what Victor had done, it was going to be so much worse. She wanted to escape back to the their time at the hotel. She craved the solace of their room at night, and John’s arms around her. She wanted his lips on hers. She wanted to forget, one last time, before everything went up in flames.

She looked over, saying, “John?”

He glanced from the road, hearing something uncertain in her voice, but quickly looked back, and said, “Yeah, Doc.”

“Can you—can you pull over somewhere?” she whispered.

John looked at her again, longer this time, and he saw it in her eyes. She was scared. She was lost, and she needed him. He had traveled this road before, and knew there was a turn around point up ahead in a copse of trees. He reached for her hand, and felt the cold clammy skin of her palm. John said softly, “There’s a spot, about a mile up the road, Doc. I’ll pull over there.”

She stared at him, and he noticed the tears in her eyes. “Okay,” she whispered. She felt the Jeep increase in speed, and tried to take a deep breath, but ended up taking a stilted gasp, followed by a small sob. She needed him to help her calm down.

John glanced over as she started unbuttoning her blouse, and he knew what they were about to do. Blood surged to his cock so quickly, and his hands tightened on the steering wheel. Marlena spread the soft fabric of her yellow blouse open, and then unfastened her seatbelt. John rasped, “Doc, your seatbelt…”

She didn’t stop moving. She was in a near frenzy, as her hands slipped underneath her skirt, and she slid her panties over her long gorgeous legs. John’s throat tightened, and he watched her crumple them in her fist, and shove them in his glovebox. His pants were tight, too tight. They were constricting him to such a degree that he was feeling physical discomfort. 

John groaned out loud when Marlena reached over, and started unfastening his belt roughly. “Doc, baby, I can’t focus…fuck…” he said, trying to keep his eyes on the road. She reached into his pants, pulling his erect cock free, and John hissed in relief.

Marlena’s hand pumped his length, as she looked up at him. “Keep your eyes on the road, Sailor.”

“Fuck!” he shouted, when she took him into her mouth. “Doc…awwww, fuck that feels so good!” The moist heat of her, and the suck of her lips, was a pleasure that had him wanting to throw his head back and close his eyes, but he couldn’t. John saw the turn-off up ahead, and forced himself to stay focused, as Marlena’s tongue swirled around the head of his cock, and she moaned, vibrating along his length.

He pulled in, putting the Jeep in park quickly, and pulled the emergency break. Marlena  released him from her mouth long enough to unfasten his seatbelt, while John pulled the lever on his seat, pushing it all the way back. Immediately, she sucked him back into her mouth, scraping her fingernails along his hip. He bucked into her mouth, going deep, and Marlena moaned in approval.

As wonderful as her mouth felt, John knew she was upset, and true to her nature, she was going to find a way to escape for awhile. He laced his fingers into her hair, pulling her mouth off of him, and he whispered, staring into her eyes, “I’ll be there, Doc. I promise. I’ll wait outside the house, but I’ll be there when you talk to Roman.”

“I’m scared,” she whispered. “And I love you so much. You—you make me feel so safe. I just want to forget for awhile. I want to disappear in you.”

John’s cock bobbed against her chin, as blood surged through his body, and he said, “I won’t stop you, baby. But I want you to know, you won’t be alone today.”

“I love you,” Marlena said softly, licking over the head of his cock. “I love you. I love you…”

John’s hips bucked again, and Marlena’s mouth engulfed him with a soft, appreciative moan. His head fell back against the headrest, and he closed his eyes briefly, but when he felt the gentle scrape of her teeth, he looked down at her. He wasn’t able to take his eyes away from the sight of her, and even though he wasn’t sure it was possible, he felt himself grow longer. Pulling at her hair, John pulled Marlena off of his cock, and stared down into her blown hazel eyes, “Doc…stop…I—I don’t want to come in your mouth. I want to be buried inside you.”

She sat up, whispering, “Put your seat back further.”

He reclined his seat, and stared up at her. She was an angel and a demon, as she climbed on top of him, rubbing her swollen, heat filled flesh over him. Sliding his hands over her thighs, and beneath the fall of her skirt, John gripped her hips tightly, rocking her pussy over his length as he slid between her folds. 

Marlena’s fingers started to scramble with the buttons of John’s shirt, intent on feeling his skin against hers. John watched her with intense interest, wanting the same thing. When she finished, he said roughly, “Lift your bra, Doc. I want to taste your breasts.”

She smiled at him mischievously, reaching for the clasp at the center, and unfastened it. John smiled up at her, “Add that to your list of required undergarments.” When her breasts fell free, his head tipped, towards her soft flesh, as he murmured, “So fucking perfect, baby.” He licked over her fragrant skin, “Absolutely fucking perfect.”

“John,” Marlena sighed, running her fingers through his hair. Her fists gripped at it, while John sucked and bit her nipples, and continued to rock her pussy along his cock. She was close, so close to an orgasm, that she shouted, “I need you inside me! Oh, G-d, John please!”

He whispered, “I’ll give you whatever you want Marlena. What ever you want…” Lifting her up, he rubbed the head of his cock along her entrance, and she slowly slid herself down on him with a groan, “Doc, Doc…Marlena…You are so hot, and tight.”

Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and rubbed her breasts across his chest, feeling the rasp of his chest hair over her nipples. She whispered, “You feel so good. All of you…oh! You feel so good.”

He pushed deep into her, lifting his hips from where he sat, while holding her hips firm. John felt her oncoming orgasm. He felt it in the flutter of her inner walls and the tremble of the muscles in her thighs. Knowing that his dirty words would push her over the edge, John whispered in her ear, “Come for me, Doc. Come for me, because I’m going to come so hard, you’ll feel it on your inner thighs for the rest of the day.”

Marlena bit his neck, before screaming, “John!”

And then he felt the squeeze and flutter of her along his cock, and her body shook with her climax. His mouth took hers roughly, and he shoved deeper inside her, releasing himself in her depths.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Caroline looked around the pub, to see if Shawn was around before she slid the newspaper across the bar towards Kim, saying, “This is today’s paper.”

Kim’s eyes scanned the photos, and she whispered, “I thought it was over.”

“So Marlena and John…they are having an affair?”

“Marlena stopped it, and Roman was doing better, but…I think, John and Marlena—they are so in love at this point, it can’t be stopped. Roman tried, really tried, for all of two weeks, Ma. Two weeks, and then he went back to working all of the time, ignoring her and the children…and he’s so critical. I love him, because he’s my brother, but if Marlena was anyone else…I would have told her to leave months ago,” Kim told her mother. “I know the cycle of abuse. It only escalates.”

“Do you think…no. Kim? Do you think Roman might hurt her?” Caroline asked. 

“I hope not, Ma. I hope not,” Kim said, sliding the paper back towards her mother. “But he’s so possessive of her and the children. He sees them as objects, and he fails to recognize them as individuals. He refuses to acknowledge the past. I saw him grab her once, digging his fingers into the soft flesh of her inner arm. There was something in his eyes that scared me. I could see in Marlena’s eyes…he scared her too.”

Shawn stepped into the pub. Caroline and Kim both stared at him with wide eyes, and he said, “Ye both been keeping secrets. I want the truth from both of ye, and I want it now.”

Chapter 29

**Trigger warning for verbal/physical abuse**

John pulled into Marlena’s driveway, but he didn’t see Roman’s car there. Marlena sat there for a moment, taking a deep breath. “Could his car be in the garage,” John asked her.

“It could be,” she whispered. “I can’t avoid this, John, as much as I’d like to, I have to be honest with him now. I’ve been lying for far too long.”

“Try not to let it escalate,” John told her with worry. “Talk to him, pack a couple bags for the twins, and then we’ll leave. I’ll wait here.”

“I don’t know if you should.”

“I’m not leaving, Doc.”

Marlena opened the door to the Jeep, and John reached for her arm, stopping her, “I love you.”

She smiled at him wanly, “I love you, too…so much.”

“I’ll be here,” he repeated. She slid to the ground, looking back once, before she walked to her front door and let herself in. Marlena knew immediately that if Roman didn’t know about the affair, he certainly suspected. He’d pulled out her hat box from the buffet drawer, and scattered the contents across the table and the floor. Tears pinched at her eyes when she saw her and John’s wedding photo destroyed on the floor. Picking the picture from the shards, she smoothed her fingers softly over John’s face, and set it on the table. 

She looked around. Roman was in the house. She could feel him, but the sound of silence was a roar in her ears. Marlena methodically picked up the pieces of her life with John and placed them carefully back in the hat box, leaving the discarded frame, and remnants of glass spread across the carpet. She could worry about it later. Picking up the box, she placed it by the front door, and headed upstairs, knowing…if Roman had gone through the hatbox, he’d likely gone through everything else.

As she ascended the stairs, Marlena knew he was waiting for her, and it was as her dread and her anxiety grew that she wondered if having John wait outside was the wrong choice. Pushing open her bedroom door, she saw her lock box contents spread across the end of the bed, and she saw her undergarments spread over the top of the dresser. He’d gone through all of her things. Photos of her and John were torn in half, and more than anything that broke her heart the most. Those photos were precious, and he’d destroyed them. 

Roman sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard, staring at her blandly, and he said, “You should have been home more than an hour ago.”

“We got a late start,” she said softly.

“A late start? You sure about that, Doc?” he asked her sitting up slowly. “A late start because you had to fuck John again before you left…or are you late because you stopped to fuck him on the way home?”

“Roman…there’s no need to be crass.”

“Crass?” he sneered. “I’ve got a question, and I expect an honest answer. Are you fucking John?”

“John and I…” Marlena started, trying to figure out how to navigate a situation that seemed calm; however, Marlena’s gut told her, it was anything but calm. “John and I have been having an affair.”

Roman stood up, approaching her, and said, in the calmest voice, a voice that scared her tremendously, “You know, I saw you the night of the police fundraiser. John walked you to his car after what seemed to be some sort of argument. His arm rested on your back in a way that was so familiar. Like he’d touched you that way a million times. That was the night he paid $100,000 to dance with you.”

“I remember,” she said.

“You should have gotten home before me. I mean, I left after you, but you said John had a flat tire. You were soaked through, and I was worried about you. I shouldn’t have been I guess,” he told her stepping closer. “Was that the first time? Was that the first time you spread your legs for him in this affair?”

Part of her mind screamed at her to lie. To tell him, yes, it was the first time, but another part of her wanted this over with, all of it. She wanted to tell the whole truth, and let the chips fall where they may. Marlena looked at Roman, and whispered, “No…we, um, the night he was supposed to leave Salem…that was the first time.”

That was when Roman’s facade of calm cracked, “The night of our anniversary party? The night I planned a massive party to celebrate our marriage, and you showed up late? The night you crawled in bed with me, and allowed me to make love to you?”

“Yes,” she whispered, barely audible.

“You let me make love to you, while you still had his fucking seed inside you?” Roman said louder.

Marlena stepped back, “It wasn’t like that. We—we didn’t plan it, Roman. It happened, because I was scared. I was scared he was leaving, and I—I wanted to stop him.”

“It sounds like it was exactly like that, Marlena. You were a fucking slut that night weren’t you?” he whispered with venom in his voice.  “That’s twice,” he said stepping closer, “…but you’ve been lying to me since February. How many times? How many times have you been with him, because since February, you’ve been with me twice. Two times. How many times were you with John?”

Tears fell from her eyes softly, and she said, “I—I don’t remember.”

Roman laughed with derision, “You don’t know? You’ve been fucking lying to me! Not just about your affair, but you knew about Carrie and Austin, too. You were probably glad to help her lie to me, right? It certainly would have helped you plan your little romantic rendezvous with John.”

“That’s not what happened!” Marlena cried. “Carrie—she, she wanted to come to you, Roman, but you…you’re so controlling. You don’t listen! She was afraid that you wouldn’t listen to her, not truly.” Roman took another step towards her, and Marlena felt her hip hit the desk in her effort to back away from him. 

“You know, Rebecca and I get called away from the retreat for the gambling case, and this morning in the newspaper there were some telling photos of what you and John were doing in our absence. How the fuck do you think I feel, when I see photos of you and John dancing, while his hand cups your ass? Then there was the one at the dinner table, where you both look like you want to fuck on the table. Did you let him finger you under the table?”

Marlena looked away, refusing to play this game with Roman. He continued anyway, “I can think of so many times where you disappeared. That night we argued, and you went to Kim’s house. Odd though, because the first time I called, Shane said you weren’t there. My own sister lied to protect you. Then there was the Titan Publishing party, when I decided to come late, but no one knew where you’d gone, and now my mind is screaming…telling me that you were off somewhere letting John Black shove his dick in you! You’re my wife!” he roared. “Mine!”

Marlena couldn’t take it anymore, “I want a divorce, Roman. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep arguing, and being so unhappy all the time. We’re—this isn’t working—”

He smacked her face with a roar, causing her head to swing to the side, “Fuck you! I work my ass off of to provide for my family, and you decide to be a G-d damned whore with your ex-husband!”

Marlena stared at him in shock. He’d hit her. Instead of cowering, she felt a rage flare up inside of herself, that she wasn’t even aware existed. “You’re married to your job, Roman! You don’t take care of your family, you ignore them. I take care of this family! I do! Me! You do nothing but work, and proffer up excuses for why you can be absent from your children lives!”

“So, while I’m working my ass off, you get to be John Black’s slut?”

“Roman! I don’t care how angry you are, or how hurt you might be, you have no right to call me names!”

“Then what the hell is all of this?” he said, gesturing towards the bed. “This is some kinky shit, and the most you’ve ever let me do is lay you on your back for a few minutes at a time!”

“You don’t know me! You don’t know me at all! You came home and expected to find the same woman you left, but I’m not her! I haven’t been her in years, Roman! I learned to take care of myself! I learned to protect my family!” she screamed at him. “The twins weren’t even a month old, and you left us! You decided to go on an ISA mission and leave us! Choosing your work again, over your family. You did that Roman! I had no choice but to pick up the pieces, and become stronger. I had children to take care of, including Carrie!”

“Carrie had Anna!”

“Anna?” Marlena laughed. “Are you serious? Anna was pretty quick to agree to let me keep Carrie. Anna was nothing to her! Carrie is my daughter, Roman! I raised the children by myself for a year and a half. I am not, nor will I ever be the woman you left behind!” She stared at him, breathing heavily for a moment, and she said, more calmly, “I’m going to pack bags for the twins. We’re leaving…I—I can’t keep them here anymore. I can’t be here anymore. I’ll file for divorce within the week, but this marriage is over, Roman. It’s over.”

Marlena tried to walk by him, and Roman reached for her arm quickly, digging his fingers in intentionally, “Once John’s slut, always John’s slut, is that it? You act like a fucking prude in my bed, but you let him do whatever he wants to you, is that right?”

“Roman let go of me!” she cried. “You’re hurting me.”

He was beyond redemption, “Do you think I fucking care if it hurts? Seems to me that you like a little bit of pain with sex.”

Marlena’s eyes went wide. Roman’s rage, and something else in his eyes, caused her to remember Kellam’s rape, and she whispered, “No…no, Roman, let me go!”

Roman knew what she was thinking, and released her in disgust, “I don’t rape women.”

She turned from him, running from the room, and Roman picked up the nearest object, which happened to be his wedding photo to Marlena, and hurled it across the room, breaking the window.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John waited outside, getting more and more nervous as time went by. Marlena had been in the house for more than twenty five minutes, and he wasn’t sure when he should interfere. A knock sounded on the window beside him, and he saw Shawn Brady standing next to the Jeep. John turned the vehicle off, and climbed out, while Shawn stared at him in frustration, “Ye let her go there by herself?”

John was surprised for a moment, but then realized that the Brady family wasn’t stupid, and they’d probably already figured it out. He sighed, “Doc said, it would be best if I waited outside.”

“How long has she been in there, you say?”

“Almost a half an hour,” John said.

“I think it’d be best of we get in there, too,” Shawn said. “Kimmy…she’s mighty worried that this might escalate.”

They both turned at the sound of a window breaking, and John was in the house before Shawn was. “Doc,” he roared. He saw the broken glass on the floor by the dining room table, and turned running up the stairs quickly, followed closely by Shawn. 

Roman met them at the top of the stairs, and told John, “Get the fuck out of my house, John Black!”

Marlena ran from Sami’s room, “Roman don’t!” She reached for his shoulder trying to pull him back, but Roman turned to her, hatred shining in his eyes.

His hand shot out, slamming her into the wall, and he shouted, “Get the fuck off of me!”

That was all it took for John to be on him. Roman was slammed to the floor in an instant, with John punching him repeatedly, while Shawn and Marlena screamed for him to stop. It wasn’t until Bo and Shane arrived, that John was pulled off of Roman. Roman stood up, wiping blood from his nose, and his lip, shoving Bo away from him. Looking at John, he said, “I’ll be pressing charges.”

Marlena wiped the tears from her face, saying, “You won’t. You’ll let me pack bags for the twins, and you’ll let me go, but you won’t be pressing charges against John. If you do, so will I.”

Roman glanced at his wife, noticing the dark mottled bruise forming on her face, and he looked away. She have bruising on her arm, and probably her back, too.

Bo saw the looks between Roman and Marlena, and then he saw the discoloration blooming on the side of her face. “Fuck, Roman!” Bo said in disgust. “You hit her? You hit Marlena?”

“Get the fuck out of my house,” Roman said quietly. “All of you. Now!”

John wanted to kill him. He wanted to beat the life out of him for what he’d done to Marlena. Instead, he took her hand in his, and he whispered, “Let’s go.”

“The twins bags…” she whispered.

“No,” John said softly. “No. We’ll figure it out, but I don’t want you here anymore.”

“Okay,” she told him.

Bo, Shane, and Shawn watched John be as gentle as they’d ever seen him as he led Marlena toward the stairs. Shawn looked at his oldest son, and he said, “Ye’ve shamed me, Roman. I don’t care what ye think she’s done, ye don’t ever…ever put ye hands on a woman in anger.”

“Get out,” Roman said quietly. “All of you. I don’t trust any of you, and I think…I think all of you knew they were having an affair, and I want you to get the fuck out of my house…now.”

There would be no trying to talk to Roman or rationalizing with him when he was that angry. Shawn said, “Ye need to call ye mother, Roman. She’s worried,” and then he slowly walked down the stairs, followed by Shane and Bo. Outside, Shawn said to them, “Did either of ye know about the affair?”

“I had no idea, Pop,” Bo replied.

Shane looked down, and then he said to Shawn, “Kim said it was over, and that we should stay out of it.”

“Well, it wasn’t over, was it?” Shawn said in frustration. “I love me boy, but Roman…Roman’s done reaped what he sowed. He’s pushed his family to a breaking point, and now they’re done with him, he’s—he’s put his hands on Marlena in anger. He won’t be pressing charges on John, ‘cause he got what was coming to him.”

“Pop!” Bo said in surprise.

“No, Bo. Where I be comin’ from, that’s the way of it,” Shawn said walking away.

Chapter 30

“The twins are going to stay with Shawn and Caroline tonight,” John said softly, walking towards the couch where Marlena sat wrapped in a blanket. He handed her a cup of tea, and sat across from her.

She looked around the loft, and said, “I shouldn’t be here. I should be at the penthouse.”

“I can take you there, if you want, but I won’t leave you alone. I’m worried about you,” he told her, brushing hair off of her forehead. “I’d rather keep you here, because of your injuries.”

“I’m sore, and I’m bruised, but none of it is serious,” she told him.

John brushed his fingers over her hand, “Just let me take care of you, Doc.”

A loud knock sounded on the door, and John sighed. He had a feeling that Roman wasn’t going to ignore the fact that he had beaten him for nearly five straight minutes. His suspicions were confirmed when he slid the loft door open to find Abe standing there with two other police officers, Taylor McCall, and someone neither John, nor Marlena, recognized.

Abe looked at John with regret, “John, um, I need you to come down to the station. Roman’s pressing charges for assault. He says you broke into his home, and, um, attacked him without provocation.”

“Without provocation?” John said in surprise. “Abe! Come on man, you know me better than that.”

“I like to think I do, partner, but unless you can explain why—”

“—nah,” John said. “I’ll come with you. Let’s get this over with.”

Marlena tried to get up from the couch, but her body was so stiff, she could barely move. She shouted, “John…John…help me up! If you’re going to the station, I’m going, too.”

John turned to her quickly, “Doc, no! Stay on the couch!”

“John Black, you don’t tell me what to do!” she told him in frustration. “If this is the game Roman wants to play, I’m going with you. I’ll file my own set of charges.”

Abe stepped into the loft, trying to see what was happening, “Look, if the two of you could explain what happened this afternoon—” His eyes landed on Marlena, and he gasped, “Marlena!”

John looked at her with pleading eyes, “Doc, please…”

She stopped struggling, and looked up at him helplessly, barely able to whisper, “John, I—I don’t feel well.”

John lifted her into his arms, and said, “We’re going to the hospital, Doc, and I’m getting you checked out the way I wanted to earlier.”

“John!” Abe said. “What happened to her?”

“Roman happened, Abe! Do you really think I’d break into his house, and beat the shit out of him for no reason? I had a reason, and I’d do it again if given the chance. Ask Shawn, ask Bo…hell, ask Shane! They were all there! If anyone is pressing charges, it’s Doc!” John reached for his car keys, and pushed past the two officers standing in his doorway, as he headed for the elevator.

Abe stood silently in John’s loft trying to figure out his next step, finally saying to the officers with him, “I’m going to go over to the Brady Pub, and have a conversation with Shawn Brady. You two can go back to the station, but don’t breath a damn word about this until I know what the hell is going on.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kim looked at Marlena in the hospital bed, and she said softly, “I have to look at this as a therapist, Marlena, as a woman… and what Roman did…there’s no excuse for that. He needs help, and I think…I think if you don’t press charges…he could do it again. Maybe not to you, but to one of the twins, or someone else. He has to be forced into getting help.”

Marlena looked up at her, “So you think…I should do what Mike suggested, and let them take the photos?”

“I do,” Kim said. “I think it’s the right thing to do.”

“I’m worried about how it might effect the twins, or Carrie,” Marlena said. “You know…emotionally.”

“It’s been building up, Marlena. You know that. I know that, and because it’s Roman, and we know what he’s been through, we’ve given him too many excuses. Too many passes.”

Mike knocked on Marlena’s door, and poked his head in, “I’ve got some test results.”

Marlena smiled gently, “Come in, Mike. Did you see John outside?”

“He was talking to Carrie—”

“—oh, G-d! Carrie’s here?”

“She was candy striping,” Mike said. “She saw your name on the admittance log.”

“Marlena, you can’t hide this from Carrie. The bruising is only going to get worse over the next few days,” Kim told her gently.

“I know,” Marlena said. Tears fell from her eyes, and she whispered, “I’ve made such a mess of things.”

“You have, but so has John, and Roman,” Kim said with her typical straightforward attitude. “However, no matter what, Roman is responsible for his own actions. You understand that right?”

“Yes,” Marlena said softly. She looked at Mike and said, “I’ll agree to the photos. I’m going to press charges.”

“I think that’s best,” Mike told her. “You have a concussion. That’s why you were feeling nauseous and lightheaded earlier. But there’s also another reason…you’re pregnant.”

John was just entering the room when he heard Mike, “Doc’s pregnant?”

“She is,” Mike answered. “We’ll have to get a consult with Dr. Bader to determine fetal age, but based on her hCG levels, I’d guess between 8-12 weeks gestation.”

“I’m pregnant?” Marlena whispered with a watery smile. Her smile fell, and she said, “It—it could be Roman’s.”

“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it, Doc.” John looked at Mike, “Is the baby healthy?”

Mike placed Marlena’s chart on a nearby table, and rubbed his hand over his face, “The numbers look good. I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead, and called Dr. Bader. Marlena’s body went through some shock today, which likely spiked her blood pressure as well as cortisol levels. I think having Dr. Bader follow up as soon as possible, is the best way to go right now.” Turning to Kim, Mike said softly, “You’ve done the photos before, when you worked at the abuse clinic. Would you be comfortable doing them for Marlena?”

Kim looked at Marlena with a sad smile, “Yes. I can do them…Marlena are you comfortable with that?”

“I’d prefer it,” she said softly. “I want John to stay.”

“He can,” Mike told her. “I’ll be back with the camera.”

Kim glanced between John and Marlena, and then said to Mike, “I’ll come with you.”

Marlena smirked slightly, “I guess she figured we need to talk.”

“Doc, listen,” John said. “I don’t care whose baby it is. It’s part of you, and I will love that child like my own…but I have a feeling, a feeling so strong, that this is my baby.”

She smiled up at him, “I think so, too. I think…I think I got pregnant that first time—”

“—on Victor’s plane,” he whispered. Smiling at her, John sat on the edge of her hospital bed, “I love you so much. I should have gone in the house with you today. You’re so damn stubborn, Doc, and I should have fought you on that.”

“Stubborn? I think you’ve called me that before.”

“A few times,” he told her with a soft smile. 

“Kim and I spoke, and I’m going to press charges against Roman. I can’t ignore what he did…for the children, for Carrie, I can’t continue to ignore what’s been building for the past year. Roman should have been evaluated. He should have been in therapy…I kept making excuses for him. I can’t do that any more.”

“I talked to Carrie. She knows…about the affair. She’s worried about Roman, and the twins…but not surprised. She told me, she suspected we had unresolved feelings. She feels like you and I should have been honest with each other from the beginning.”

“It was so complicated,” Marlena whispered.

John sighed, softly tracing his fingers across her forehead, and along her jawline, “It was…but she’s right.”

“Climb up here beside me,” Marlena instructed John, scooting over to allow space. John climbed onto the bed, wrapping her in his arms, and she sighed resting her bruised face on his chest, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe stood in Roman’s living room, and stared at at him incredulously, “There is no way the DA would move forward with charges against John for attacking you. I can’t even bring myself to attempt to file them! I’ve spoken with Shawn, Bo, and Shane and their stories are the same. I understand that you’re hurt, and you have a right to be hurt, but Roman…you hit Marlena, multiple times according to them.”

“She’s been having an affair for months, Abe! Months! I was angry…I wasn’t thinking clearly,” Roman told him.

“How many times, as law enforcement officers, have we heard that same excuse when we arrive at a domestic disturbance?” Abe asked him. “Roman, you’ve got to know…I already received a call from the hospital. Marlena’s been admitted. She has a concussion, and she consented to photos. She’s pressing charges.”

Roman stared at Abe in disbelief. His mind was confused. He didn’t hit her hard enough to give her a concussion, but…maybe, he had. He couldn’t remember. He knew, he’d been angry. He knew, he’d hit her. He knew, it left a mark, but a concussion? “Abe, I don’t think I hit her hard enough to —”

“—you hit your wife, Roman! Marlena! It doesn’t matter how hard! You hit her! She’s one of my best friends! I don’t care what happened, or what she did. Nothing would justify you hitting her!” Abe told him loudly. “I feel like I don’t even know you since you came back! You’re not the same person you were, because that man, that Roman Brady…he would have knocked the shit out of the man standing in front of me. I can’t blame John for that, and according to Shawn, John didn’t hit you, until you hit Marlena for a second time!”

“What? No!” Roman started to exclaim, but then he paused. He’d hit Marlena in their bedroom, and then he hit her again, pushing her away from him, and into the wall. His eyes locked with Abe, as realization washed over him.

“That’s how it went, right? Because that how Shawn recalls it,” Abe said.

Roman found himself getting confused, and frustrated. “You’re refusing to press charges against John, but you’re allowing Marlena to press charges against me?” Roman yelled.

“Roman! The DA won’t move on the charges against John, because the only reason he attacked you was because you assaulted your wife!” Abe roared. “Don’t you understand that? There’s photographic evidence to back up what happened. Your family witnessed it!” Abe was growing increasingly concerned with Roman’s apparent lack of empathy.

“What I see, is the man I thought was my best friend, showing me who’s side he’s really on,” Roman replied. “Get out. Until you have charges, and you’re prepared to arrest me…get out.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Dr. Bader put away the fetal heart monitor, and said, “Your blood pressure is elevated, Marlena, but otherwise, you have a very healthy sounding baby.”

“Can you do an ultrasound? I need to…I need to see her,” she said quietly.

Dr. Bader laughed, “I never said it was a girl.”

“I feel like she is…a girl.”

“I’d like to do an ultrasound to get some measurements,” Dr. Bader said. “Based on on your hCG levels you could be close to 9 weeks, but if we chart from the date of your last cycle, that would put you closer to 11 weeks. Can you unbutton your jeans and lift your shirt, or would you like a gown?”

Marlena began to pull her shirt up, tucking it under her bra strap like she’d done this before. “I don’t need a gown,” she said, reaching for John’s hand. When Dr. Bader put gel on her abdomen, her body jerked from the cold, and an ache ran down her back because of the rapid movement, causing her to groan.

John squeezed her hand, “Are you okay?”

“Yes. I’m just sore. I have to remember that, and move a little slower.”

Her eyes moved to the screen when she heard the swooshing noise of the machine, and she was instantly in love. Before her eyes was her baby, and just like John, she felt deep in her heart that it was his child. They’d have to do a test to be sure, but Marlena felt like she already knew what the results would be.

Glancing up at John, Marlena whispered with a smile, “It’s our baby.”

Dr. Bader didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure of what the situation was, and she knew it was none of her business, so she continued to quietly take measurements, finally saying, “I think you’re right about the date of conception, Marlena.”

Marlena looked at John, and said quietly, “February 9th.”

Dr. Bader smiled, “The due date should be on or near November 9th.”

John leaned down, kissing Marlena softly, whispering in a joking tone, “We’re having a baby, baby.”

Marlena looked at Dr. Bader, and said with absolutely no shame, “I’m certain the baby in John’s, but I’ll need an amniocentesis at 16 weeks to be sure.”

Dr. Bader nodded her head, and said, “We can actually go ahead and schedule that for your next appointment, a month from now.”

Chapter 31

May 1993

Marlena sat in Kim’s office, staring at her hands, and whispered, “I’m going to see a lawyer today…to file for divorce.”

Kim  could tell from Marlena’s body language that she was struggling with her emotions, “How are you feeling about that?”

“I feel a great sadness…and disappointment in myself. Almost as if I could have tried harder. Maybe, if I’d pushed Roman more when he first came home. Insisted he go into therapy, or seek help for what Stefano put him through,” Marlena said softly, standing up, and walking over to the window overlooking the hospital parking lot. 

“I think the same could be said for myself, Bo, Kayla, Ma and Pop,” Kim replied. “Marlena, we all could have pushed him harder. All of us. Don’t take the entirety of that weight on your shoulders.”

Marlena looked over at Kim from where she stood, and she said, “In Mexico, after we realized that John was most certainly not Roman…I knew, I still loved John. Why shouldn’t I accept responsibility for all of this?”

“Of course you loved him,” Kim said, walking over to where Marlena stood. “Love doesn’t die in an instant, but where you find yourself currently? Marlena, that’s a complicated situation. Don’t simplify it.”

“I kept telling myself to try harder, to worker harder and commit myself to Roman and our marriage, because I took vows,” Marlena whispered. “But, Kim, the vows that echoed in my head, and the face that came with them was John. My heart was still married to John. I caused a lot of pain by trying to force myself to make my marriage to Roman work. I kept thinking about the twins, and Carrie…what Roman might have suffered while he was with Stefano, and all it did was make me try harder to put the love I felt for John aside.”

“Are those the only reasons?”

Marlena looked up at Kim, asking, “What?”

“Are Carrie, the twins, and Roman’s suffering the only reason you went home with Roman after Mexico?”

Marlena was quiet, as a pain so deep it wrenched across her chest, settled deep in her soul, “I think…” Marlena turned away, walking over to where Kim kept water. She poured herself a glass, and she whispered, “John…after we found out about John and Roman, I looked for John. Then I waited for him. All night I waited. Roman came to me, expecting that everything would fall into place. He was Roman. He was my husband. He assumed we would return to Salem, where he could reclaim his family, his job…his wife.” Marlena turned to face Kim, saying, “But, I turned him away. I was desperate to find John, because I couldn’t let him go. In my heart, he was my husband.”

Kim  had never heard this part of the story. She, and the rest of the family, had always assumed that once the truth came out in Mexico, John went with Isabella and Marlena returned with Roman. She had to admit, it was a neat little package, especially for a woman who had returned from the dead…intent on one man. Marlena placed the empty water glass on the table, and sat back down, even though she felt restless. 

“If you wanted John, what happened?” Kim asked her softly.

“I waited all night. I didn’t sleep. I lay in bed the whole night, staring at the ceiling. When the morning came, we all gathered for breakfast…G-d, Kim! This still hurts so much!”

“Marlena, you have to let this out…whatever it is.”

“John came in that morning, and my heart soared when I saw him, but as quickly as that happened…I saw his fingers laced with Isabella’s and I saw a soft smile of joy on her face. I looked at John, and his eyes…they told me everything. I knew. I knew that John had made love to her. He’d made promises in the night to someone else. I stood up, making my excuses, and fled the room.”

Marlena’s pain was palpable, and Kim whispered, “You never spoke with him about what you wanted?”

“Not then. What was the point?” Marlena said. “Since February…John and I have briefly discussed it a couple time, but I don’t think he knows the true depth of…how much that hurt me. I just wanted a chance. I wanted to be a consideration. I wanted a conversation. I got neither.”

“I think,” Kim told her softly, “you and John need to have that conversation.”

“I was so upset. My future was assumed by Roman…and by John, and no one—” Marlena’s breath hitched, as she felt her emotion catch in her throat. She stared up at Kim with watery eyes, and she said, “No one bothered to even ask me what I wanted.”

“How did that leave you feeling?”

“Isolated. Alone. I came home from Mexico with an angry husband, who was a stranger, and I had no one to talk to about it. The man I knew, and loved? John…was across town making a new life with another woman,” Marlena told her. “I was depressed, and I dove into my work just as deeply as Roman did, I think…but for different reasons. I find myself wondering if my kidnapping wasn’t also my own fault.”

Kim was surprised to hear that from Marlena, “You can’t really believe that.”

“I do,” Marlena told her softly. “I was invested in Roger Lombard, Kim. I was determined to help him through his problems, and help him discover who he really was. Who he was meant to be, but was I really doing it for him?”

“I don’t understand.”

“I was so unhappy,” Marlena told her. “Helping Roger Lombard was an escape. I was too emotionally invested. His wife saw that, and viewed me as a threat. I can see why…now. Roger fell in love with me. Stella knew that, because he told her. I immediately gave the case to a colleague, and washed my hands of it, but it was too late. Stella hated me. So, yes, Kim, I blame myself for everything that came after that.”

“You can’t take all of this on yourself.”

“I was trying to hide from the pain, by burying myself in my work…all because I was in so much pain, because John didn’t chose me. He had a choice, Kim, and he didn’t chose me. So yes, I went home with Roman, and I tried to make it work, when I knew, I knew, it wasn’t going to work, and my heart wasn’t in it. I buried myself in my job, and the children. I should have—”

Marlena stopped talking abruptly, and stood up again, going back to the window. Kim needed Marlena to talk this out, so she said, “Marlena, finish your sentence.”

Marlena looked at Kim, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand, and she whispered, “I should have come home from Mexico, alone. It would have saved everyone the pain.”

Kim turned Marlena to look at her, and cupped her face gently, “That’s a stuck point, Marlena. We discussed those before. What would you tell a patient who was quagmired in the same thinking patterns that you are right now?”

Marlena seemed confused, “What?”

“What would your advice be to them?”

“I struggle to think about my own life objectively,” Marlena told her with a soft, sad, laugh.

“Try anyway,” Kim told her, returning her smile.

“We can’t change the past…”

Kim brushed hair from Marlena’s face softly, “Yes.”

“We can only move forward, and learn from our mistakes…blaming yourself will accomplish nothing…”

“Good,” Kim whispered.

Marlena took a deep breath, trying to regulate herself, and she said softly, “People make mistakes, but we learn from them. Mistakes are human.”

Kim pulled Marlena into her arms, and felt the other woman’s body shake with the sob that escaped her, “Marlena…no one could have known how your lives would play out. No one, and you can’t blame yourself for that.”

“I never stopped loving John,” Marlena cried softly. “I tried…I couldn’t get him out of my heart.”

“Love is like that sometimes,” Kim told her, wiping the tears from Marlena’s face. “We don’t have control over who we love, or how strongly we love them, but I think…you have to talk this through with John. He has to know the depth of your pain, because if you don’t, it will only create more problems.”

“When John and I were trapped in the warehouse,” Marlena whispered, “…when we thought we were going to die. We talked about Mexico, and John…when he spoke about it, there was so much pain in his eyes.”

“Why do you think that was?”

“He lost so much in Mexico,” Marlena said slowly. “I can’t imagine the pain he felt. He lost his name. His whole identity. He was back to being an amnesiac named John Black. He lost his job, the children, the people he considered family—”

“—he lost you, Marlena.”

Marlena stepped away from Kim, pushing her arms off of her, “No. No. He chose that part. He chose Isabella.”

“Did he?”

“Yes!” Marlena cried. He had to have chosen Isabella, otherwise what had all of Marlena’s suffering been about?

“If John was a man who believed he’d lost everything…a man who realized that Roman Brady was back to claim his family, his job, his children…wouldn’t John believe that Roman also planned to claim his wife?”

“But…why didn’t he come find me?” Marlena cried. Kim’s words were sinking into her mind, forcing her to evaluate what she had thought to be true for the last year and a half. 

“What if, that night, John found himself thinking he’d lost everything. Everything, Marlena. How might a person with no identity, a man who believed he had no one left…how might that man react?”

Marlena felt her emotions getting away from her, as feelings of loss and abandonment coursed through her, “He should have come to me!”

“He felt he had nothing left…”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena said, sinking into the chair in front of Kim’s desk. She buried her face in her hands, “Oh, G-d!” Looking up at Kim, she whispered, suddenly realizing, “He—he didn’t feel safe…he was back to the beginning!”

“The beginning?”

Marlena took a deep breath, trying to calm her heart rate down, “When he first came to Salem…he didn’t know who he was. He didn’t know that he was witty, or a good dancer…he didn’t even know which foods he liked. When he became Roman, he suddenly had a history, and people who surrounded him with love. He had stories of his past, even if he couldn’t fully recall them…he knew who he was. He had stability. Finding out he wasn’t Roman…he was no longer secure in my love. He felt…oh, G-d! Kim! He felt like I only loved him, because he was Roman. He—he didn’t understand that I loved him, for him, and because of that…he gave up on us.”

“Has he ever told you that?” Kim asked her.

Marlena stood up quickly, reaching for her purse, “Not in so many words…but in a million actions…yes.”

Chapter 32

John stood in the entryway to the living room, and watched as Marlena sat on the couch with her feet tucked beneath her. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet all after noon. He approached her, and said softly, “Are you sure you don’t mind if Brady sleeps here tonight?”

She looked up, and said softly, “I don’t mind.” She stood up slowly walking to the terrace doors. Opening them, she smiled softly when a warm breeze caressed her skin. 

Stepping up behind her, John wrapped his arms around her from behind, and gently kissed her on the top of her head. Her silence troubled him, but he also knew, when she was ready to discuss what was on her mind, she would.

Her body relaxed against him with a sigh. The conversation with Kim earlier that day, had left her confused, sad, and feeling hollow. She trailed her fingers over John’s forearm where it rested against her abdomen. Taking a shaky breath, Marlena said, “I love you.”

John could feel the tension in her body, even as she leaned against him. “Where have you been today, Doc? You’ve been so distant…so far away.”

“I’ve been…in Mexico,” she told him. “I met with Kim today, and I think—I think I made some assumptions that maybe…maybe we’re incorrect.”

John released her, stepping around her body, and looking down into her eyes, “Doc, what do you mean?”

“What happened down there, John? What happened between us down there? How did we get it so wrong?”

“I’m confused,” he said.

“I wasn’t there in the cave with you…when Stefano revealed the truth of Roman’s identity, and you and I…we’ve never discussed it. Not really,” she said. “Roman came back that night. He was almost frenetic…excited to learn who he was. Grateful that Stefano was dead. He said that he was really Roman Brady, and that you were—”

“Nobody. I was nobody, Doc.”

That one sad phrase said so much. John looked at her with tears in his eyes, and Marlena whispered, “No.”

“Yes,” he said softly. “Roman made sure I knew that when he left me in that cave, surrounded by the wreckage of my life. He was reclaiming it all. My job was now his. My home…it wasn’t mine. My children…I wasn’t there father. And my wife? He’d married you first, so even you were torn from my grasp. According to him, I’d stolen it all.”

Marlena stood before him helplessly, staring up at him as tears fell over his cheeks and pain lined his features. Her fingers wiped his tears, even as they continued to fall. She whispered, “He said that to you?”

John smiled wryly, “He was quite smug about it. He’d been vindicated and I’d been proven the imposter.” He shook his head, and walked away from her, “I don’t know why were we’re talking about this, Doc. It doesn’t change anything, and it’s bringing up a lot of pain —for both of us.”

“I was in a session with Kim today, and she challenged my thinking. She helped me to see that, the way I was remembering what happened in Mexico…maybe…I was wrong.”

“I thought we talked about that…in your office, and at the hot springs,” John said in frustration, as he walked out onto the terrace.

Following him out, Marlena ran her palm over his back, and felt him tense up. She asked him softly, “Are you angry?”

John turned to face her, “No, Doc. I’m not angry, but that time…in Mexico, there were so many layers, so much misunderstanding, and it started—it started the day you came home.”

“When I came home?”

“I allowed my fear to make all of my decisions. Every choice I made, laced with their gut wrenching fear of losing you again. It started the first night you were home, when I allowed you to stay in a shitty, riverside hostel, because I was frozen with fear and indecision.”

“You’ve said that before. You said you are afraid.”

“Our time together was so brief,” he told her softly, turning to lean against the terrace railing. “We fought our way through the forests of West Virginia…and, Doc, I loved you so much, even then. I feared for our lives. I feared I was Stefano. I was petrified that I  would lose you.” John turned to face her, watching the way the breeze blew tendrils of hair around her face. “We were barely home, barely adjusted to our new life together, and—”

“—I fell off of the ledge…when I was helping that teen in crisis,” Marlena whispered.

John stared at her with tears in his eyes, “Yeah.” He stepped closer, touching her face softly, “Six weeks, baby. I lost six weeks with you. I was desperate. I could barely eat, barely sleep. Carrie was just a child, and picking up my slack…holding me together, and it wasn’t fair to her.”

“I can’t even imagine your pain.”

“But you came back to me, and I was determined that I wouldn’t—I couldn’t lose you again. I didn’t think I could survive it,” he whispered. “But the ISA took you. The fucking bastards took you, and blamed Orpheus, sending me on a wild goose chase for some G-d damned savings bonds!”

John’s chest was pounding, his blood roaring in his ears, as he remembered losing her for a second time. “You were barely home a few weeks, and when Orpheus blew up the house!”

Marlena threw her body against his, sobbing, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for your pain.”

“He tainted me, Doc. He allowed me enough time to mourn. Enough time to for the wrenching pain in my soul to subside just enough…and then he gave me a videotape of you…very much alive.”

Marlena rested her cheek on his chest, feeling as if his pain flowed into her. He choked on his next words, “I was going to get you back. After all, how could G-d do that to me after everything we had been through? But, I did fail. I was too fucking late! I stood there helplessly as your plane took off.”

A memory flashed in her mind, and she looked up at him, whispering, “I saw you. I saw you, and …I started to scream. I screamed and I begged the pilot to stop.”

“So, Doc, you have to understand, I had lost you over and over again. Each separation tearing another hole in the tapestry of my heart. Having you back? I was overjoyed, but I couldn’t embrace you. I was so fucking scared,” he told her. John cupped her cheeks, staring into her eyes, “Even now, if I were to lose you again…I would be lost.”

“So, when you found out you weren’t Roman—”

“—at first, I ran. I didn’t know where to go. I felt completely isolated. Those feelings I had when I first came to myself all those years ago…confusion, anger, isolation…loneliness. I felt all of it, but more intensely, because I knew what I’d lost, whereas before I had no memory. At that moment, knowing what I was losing…fuck, that hurt so much more.”

“I waited for you,” Marlena whispered. “I waited all night for you, and you never came.”

“What?”

“Roman came to me. He was so happy, so certain that once I knew the truth, everything would fall into place. I pushed him away. I wouldn’t even consider what he was saying, because I was in love with you. He pushed, and he pushed, until I screamed at him. I sent him away, and I stayed up all night waiting on you. You never came,” she said, wiping her tears and stepping away from him. “When you arrived at breakfast with Isabella, I knew the decision was already made for me. Roman had decided that we would continue our lives as if the seven years he was gone, had never been. You had decided that you would spend your life with Isabella. I didn’t decide anything.”

“Isabella found me that night,” John whispered, moving to stand beside her and lean on the terrace railing. “I can’t remember much, I was that distraught. There are no words to describe the emotional state she found me in. None. Did she take advantage of that? Probably. I can see that now. I was in no state to make any decision of any sort of magnitude.”

“You broke my heart.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I thought you chose her over me.”

“No, Doc…no. Never. I thought…never mind. It doesn’t matter,” he said, scrubbing his palms over his face.”

The city lights played shadows over his face. He looked so lost. Marlena touched his hand, lacing her fingers through his where it lay on the railing, and she whispered, “It matters to me.”

“I thought…maybe our love hadn’t been real. I mean my love for you…it consumed me. Nothing would ever consume me or leave as vulnerable as my love for you…but your love for me—”

“You thought it wasn’t real?”

“It was a real love. I understood that,” he told her, “…but it wasn’t mine. I was in such an emotional state, that my mind…shit, I don’t know what I’m trying to say, Doc!”

“You felt like I loved you because I thought you were Roman?”

“Something like that.”

“It’s not true,” she said softly. “It’s not true John. I was falling in love with you when we danced at Carrie’s birthday party. I was falling in love with you when we ate Chinese food in my office, and you evaded all of my personal questions. I was falling in love with you when we argued over your stupid sign-in, sign-out sheet…John, that night in the hotel, when we were on the run, before we went to West Virginia, I was already in love with you at that point. It was too late. My heart already belonged to you. When I saw your tattoo, my heart sank. Even thinking you might be an amnesiac Stefano DiMera, didn’t keep me from craving your lips on mine, and dreaming about making love to you in a cave.” She stepped closer, pressing her body against where his hand rested on the railing. She wrapped her arms around his, and she whispered, “I loved you. I was in love with John Black. I fought it. I won’t deny that. When we thought you might be Stefano, I fought my love for you, but you…only you, you broke me. One kiss, and I was lost.”

John smiled, “Doc, you smacked me.”

“I did,” she said. “I was at war with myself. But that kiss…it changed everything. Do you remember what you said to me?”

John was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “All I can think about, is you sharing your life with me.”

“I was lost to you. Right then, John, in a single instant my heart was yours. Not because you were Roman, we hadn’t even found the photo yet. I was in love with you, and I decided in an instant, no matter who you were, I couldn’t live without you. Don’t ever doubt that,” she told him, stroking along his jaw. “Ever. Ever. Ever…don’t forget that.”

John turned, facing her, “I love you, Marlena.”

“I love you. I will always love you,” she said. “If you had come to me that night…things might have—”

“—I doubted us. I had been doubting us since you came home. I was living in a primordial soup of emotion that did nothing but submerse me in fear, and I’m sorry for that, Doc. So fucking sorry.”

“I don’t want to ever let you go,” Marlena whispered. “Stay. With me, with the children…please.”

“It’s too soon, Doc—”

“—it’s not. Stay tonight, we can discuss the rest in the morning, but tonight…stay with me,” she whispered. She slid her palm slowly up his chest, and she whispered, “I don’t want to let you go.”

John kissed her softly, “I’ll stay.”

Chapter 33

Victor listened as the police commissioner detailed Roman Brady’s suspension from the police force. Victor might be a lot of things, but he had never beaten or laid hands on a woman in anger. He smirked to himself. He had no further use for Roman. Interrupting the commissioners lengthy explanation, Victor told him, “If Roman Brady has done something to warrant suspension, it is no longer my concern.”

“I just wanted to inform you, because the last time—”

“—Roman has served his purpose. I no longer care what happens to him. If he abused his wife and attempted to file false charges, do what you must. My use for him has already expired.”

The commissioner felt relief course through him as he hung up the telephone. Victor Kiriakis wasn’t an enemy he wanted to have in his life. Glancing down at the personnel file on his desk, he realized that his predecessor had made several mistakes. There had been no mental evaluation done on Roman Brady before he returned to the force. He wasn’t re-trained at the academy in any manner. 

The time on the clock read near 9:00 pm. The commissioner sighed deeply, realizing it was going to be a long night as he waded through the mess before him. From what he was reading, Roman Brady returned, and immediately replaced John Black. It was a mess. The first problem being that John Black was a police officer for five years with absolutely no evidence of training. He was assumed to be Roman Brady, and issued a weapon. Upon true Roman Brady’s return, the same thing. He flipped through the file, and caught a flash of red on the back corner of a page. Going back through it slowly, he realized why. In the corner on the back of Roman’s reinstatement order, was a tiny stamp, no more than a quarter of an inch, a small red phoenix. 

Running his finger softly over the stamp, the commissioner sighed. He rubbed his hands roughly over his face. Roman Brady’s instant reinstatement was done on the orders of one man, and he could almost guarantee that he would find a similar stamp in the archived personnel file of John Black. His predecessor had his hands in many pockets, and he’d never been caught. Thinking about his own entanglement with Victor Kiriakis, he slammed the file shut, and turned out the light. There was nothing to be done for it. It was over, but he would have to push through with Roman’s suspension, another investigation, as well as a full mental and emotional evaluation to determine whether the man was fit for duty. Roman would also have to give up the promotion, which had in truth been earned by John Black, and didn’t belong to him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The warmth of John’s thumb stroked over Marlena’s hand, and radiated up her arm, as they walked along the pier. Marlena took a deep breath, breathing in the smell of the river, fish, and algae. After living in Salem for so long, those scents brought her comfort. They were smells that meant she was at home. They stopped walking, and Marlena said softly, “I really believed that when our affair came to light…the whole family would turn on me…on us.”

“They understand, Doc. It’s complicated. It was complicated from the start,” he said softly.

She stopped in front of a bench, which sat in the shadows, just out of the light. Her eyes gazed up at him, full of love, “I promise to always share my feelings with you…to always tell you what I want, and what I need.”

John’s fingers stroked over her face, and he leaned closer, brushing his lips over hers, “I promise that fear won’t control me. I will live everyday with you to the fullest.”

“I love you,” she whispered.

His palms stroked over her, caressing along her lower back, dipping low. Pulling her closer, John whispered, “I love you, pretty lady.”

Roman watched them from the shadows on the other end of the pier. He’d been watching them for days. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to find out the dynamic of their relationship, or if he was a glutton for punishment. Even though they’d stepped outside of the light, he could make out the outline of their forms as they stood close together kissing in the dark. He watched as John’s hands smoothed over her hips, settling low. John pulled her forward roughly, and kissed her again, while sliding his hands lower, cupping her ass. Roman closed his eyes, and he could imagine how her body felt under his hands. I knew every curve, and he could feel it, like muscle memory. Marlena groaned, and Roman was trying to reconcile what he was watching with the woman he thought he knew. She was behaving like a slut. A woman with no restraint, and in public no less.

Marlena had never been the type for public displays of affection, and yet Roman found himself watching her, as she plastered her body against John and made out in the shadows like a teenager. Roman could hear the soft sounds of their kissing, and Marlena’s gentle moans of pleasure. He knew those sounds. He should have left. Walked away from the scene before him, and never looked back. He knew that, but he didn’t. Moving deeper into the shadows beneath the pilings, Roman moved closer to where John and Marlena stood.

John stared into Marlena’s eyes, the color lost to the darkness, and he whispered, “Did you do what I asked you?”

Marlena’s core clenched, and she said breathlessly, “Yes.”

“Good girl,” he breathed, slowly slipping his hand underneath the skirt of the light summer dress she wore.

Good girl? Roman felt his body responding, even as he was disgusted with what he was watching. Good girl? Roman remembered the items he’d found in Marlena’s lock box in the closet, and suddenly his mind put it together. More of the same. She was such a tramp. He heard Marlena moan, saying to John, “Anything you want, John. Anything.”

“I want you,” he rasped, licking along her collarbone. 

The soft spring breeze blowing off of the river, cooled the trail left behind from his tongue, and Marlena shivered. “Let’s go to the penthouse.”

John sat on the bench, pulling her body back quickly, so she landed on his lap with a soft cry of surprise. She could feel the hard length of his cock against her bottom. John bit her earlobe, while adjusting her body so that his cock sat in the crease of her ass, “You said you did what I asked?”

“Yes,” she whispered breathlessly.

John looked around, and then told her, “Spread your legs for me, baby.”

“John…someone—someone could see us.”

“No ones here…and you and I both know, the risk…you like it, “ he rasped against her neck. John nipped at her sensitive skin with his teeth, and then he said, “The same way you liked my fingers buried in your pussy at the dinner table…” Marlena moaned, allowing her knees to relax and fall open slightly. John’s warm palms, swept up her thighs, spreading them wider. He hung her legs over his, and spread them wide with his knees, “Your skin is fucking heaven, baby.”

Roman remembered the photo from The Spectator. The way Marlena and John had been staring at each other, and the placement of John’s hand. His cock twitched, even as he found himself coming to the realization that he didn’t know his wife at all. That photo…John had been fingering his wife under the table that night. He watched John’s hand slip underneath the hem of Marlena’s dress. Her eyes closed, and her head fell back against John’s shoulder as she sighed softly. 

“You followed my directions,” John breathed against her ear. 

“I did,” she said softly. “I’ve been…I’ve been aroused all night.”

“How did it make you feel, walking around Salem…running into people we know, and talking to our friends?”

“Dirty…sexy…” she whispered. “My thighs were wet, and not wearing panties…thinking that you could—oh, G-d!” she cried, feeling the soft pad of John’s thumb start gently swirling over her clit.

John flicked her clit, “Thinking that I could what?”

“Oh…” she sighed. “You could touch me at any moment. Just like this. You could slip your hand under my dress, and touch me…the thought of it kept me on edge…it kept me wanting…”

“Wanting what?”

“I wanted you to—I imagined you fingering me from behind,” she gasped. “I—I felt my own arousal coat my thighs.”

“When we were talking to Laura?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck, baby,” John moaned. “You are so wet for me right now. Your thighs are sticky…do you know what this does to me?”

Roman continued to watch and listen, in a state of disbelief and shock. The woman sitting on John’s lap was wanton. She had no shame at all. She rolled her hips, as John’s fingers played in her heated folds, and she moaned and writhed. He didn’t know her, but she turned him on. She made his dick so hard, he could feel the throb in his pants. The fact that she’d gone out with John, sans panties, because John had told her to, surprised him. Marlena was staid, proper…she was a fucking prude in bed…and yet, as Roman watched her pant and mewl against John, rolling her hips while he fingered her pussy in a public place, Roman knew he was wrong. She was so much more.

John slid a hand up Marlena’s abdomen, cupping her breast, and continued to slowly torture her clit. His finger slid into the bodice of her dress, brushing back and forth over her tight nipple. Marlena pushed her ass against his cock, forcing a groan out of him. “John,” she breathed softly. “I want you.”

“You want me?” he asked her. “Right here?”

“Yes. Here…at home…I need you.”

“Stand up, like a good girl, and turn around,” he told her in a husky voice.

There is was again. John had said, good girl. As if Marlena were a child, but Roman knew he was missing something. It was part of a game they were playing, and even as it drove him mad with anger and jealously…it also turned him on.

Marlena didn’t hesitate, following John’s instructions as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She turned to face him, watching as he stared up at her with shadowy eyes, and unzipped his pants. He pulled his length from his boxers, pushing the elastic down below his cock. He gripped his fist around himself tightly, closing his eyes briefly from pleasure. Opening his eyes, he started pumping slowly while he stared up at her.

“Come here, baby,” he said. She stepped forward. John whispered, “Lift your dress for me. Let me see you.”

Marlena glanced around the abandoned pier nervously, and then lifted her dress. John’s eyes were riveted to her soft curves, and moist, swollen, folds.

He whispered, “Fucking gorgeous, Doc…and mine. You know that right? You’re mine.”

“Yes,” she said, barely able to speak. “Yes…I—I need you.”

John stared at her, and said, “Ride me. I want to bury myself inside you.”

Marlena moved forward, almost clumsy in her movements, and her haste. She straddled John’s body where he sat on the bend, “John…please. I need to feel you.”

“Oh, you’re gonna feel me,” he moaned, sliding the tip of his cock through her moist heat. “Slid down on me…yes….” he hissed. “Just like that…”

Roman’s own cock was so hard he thought he might explode in his pants like a teenager. He stared, mesmerized, as Marlena rested herself against John, and slid down his length with a soft sigh. John’s hands gripped her hips, pulling her closer as he pushed deeper into her, and Roman almost groaned. He knew what she felt like. Hot. Tight. Slippery. It was like sliding into heaven. A part of him couldn’t believe that he was watching his wife fuck another man, but another part of himself…a part he never acknowledged, knew he got off on it. How many times had he imagined all manner of things related to his sex life with Marlena. None of them had ever come to fruition. He’d blamed it on her, and he’d obviously been wrong. While she’d held back with him, giving him the bare minimum…while he’d been locked in a cell in San Cristobal…his wife had been here in Salem being John Black’s whore.

Marlena rocked her hips against John, mewling in pleasure, and she said, “Harder. Please.”

He lifted her, slamming her body back down, seating himself so deeply inside her, she felt him hit her cervix. Marlena cried out, “Oh, G-d! Yes.”

John smiled at her, panting heavily, and he said, “Shhh, baby. You’ve got to stay quiet.”

“I can’t,” she said with an emotion choked voice. “It feels…oh, John….it feels so fucking good!”

John pushed into her again, and groaned, “You feel like heaven, Marlena.”

She sucked at his neck, and licked along the length of it, tasting cologne and the salty tang of his skin at the end of a long day. John set them into a rhythm, and Marlena was lost in the sensation of him filling her body, the feel of his hands, as he held her steady, and the taste of his mouth, as his tongue swept alongside hers. She pulled her head back, staring down at him, with kiss swollen lips, “John…John…I’m—I’m so close. You make me feel so good…so good.”

“I love you, Doc,” he told her, pushing into her at a faster pace. Both of them crashed into their orgasms almost simultaneously, with Marlena scraping her fingernails over John’s scalp, and him leaving finger impressions on her hips.

Roman sat in the shadows watching, and realizing that while he thought he knew everything…he actually knew nothing.

Chapter 34

Roman received Marlena’s petition for divorce on the same morning he was notified of his suspension from the Salem Police Department. He was spiraling. He could feel it, and he wasn’t sure what to do, or where to go. In his anger, he went to his parents house, hoping that his father could talk to him. Possibly, calm him down. Roman entered his parents home, slamming the door behind him. A loud, abrupt, explosive noise, that shattered the silence of the room. Sami and Eric sat on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons, and both of them flinched at their father’s entrance. Sami stared at him with wide eyes, while Eric, always the sensitive one, started to cry.

Eric’s tears only served to make Roman more angry. “Eric! Stop crying,” he said loudly.

“You scared us,” Sami whispered.

“Eric!” Roman said, completely ignoring his daughter. “Stop that infernal whining!”

Caroline came running into the room, carrying Brady. Roman sneered at the sight of John’s child in her arms. That man needed to watch his own son, and stop pawning him off on his parents.

Caroline saw Roman, his face etched with anger. She turned to see Sami and Eric cowering on the couch, and she asked Roman in frustration, “What happened here?”

Roman stepped further into the space, and said, “I need to speak with Pop.”

Caroline refused to be ignored, so she stepped closer, cradling Brady’s sleeping form against her carefully, and asking her son again, in low tones, “What happened here, Roman?”

Scrubbing his palms over his tired face, Roman sighed, and said, “I slammed the door…scared the kids…”

“Why were you yelling at Eric?”

“He started crying for no damn reason!”

Sami said, “No…he was scared…you scared us…that’s not no reason.”

“He’s gonna cry every time he’s scared?” Roman asked with distaste. “Kids going to be bullied if he can’t get that under control. He doesn’t need to cry over every single noise.”

Sami got angry, and said, “He doesn’t!”

“You two are almost nine years old!” Roman told her, feeling himself getting pulled into an argument with a child.

“Roman,” Caroline said with a frown. “Your father is in the pub, why don’t you go find him.”

Roman knew he was being excused, and it only made him angrier. “The boy needs to toughen up, Ma.”

“He is a child, Roman. A child. If he is scared, or happy, or excited, he is allowed to act however he feels. Do you understand?”

“He needs to stop acting like a gir—”

“—get out!” Caroline hissed, glancing quickly towards Eric and Sami. “I won’t have you taking your problems out on the children. Eric is allowed to cry. That’s the end of it.”

Caroline watched in disgust as Roman walked out of the room. She approached the twins slowly, and as she got closer, she heard Sami whisper, “Eric…remember what Aba said?” Eric nodded, wiping his eyes, but didn’t reply. Sami continued, “He said, it’s okay if boys cry, remember?”

“Yes,” Eric whispered. “I remember.”

Caroline sat next to Eric, pulling him against her with her free arm, and she said, “It’s okay to cry. I’ve seen your grandpa Shawn cry, and your uncle Bo…even Roman.”

Eric looked up, “Did Aba ever cry?”

Caroline was struck by the fact that Eric wanted to know if she’d seen John cry, because in the boys eyes, that was the real test. Did the man he idolized, and viewed as a father, did that man cry? Caroline remembered when Marlena was presumed dead, and she said softly, “Yes. I’ve seen John cry. John loves very deeply, and when he thought your mother was dead…I saw him cry, and he was never ashamed of that.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John was feeding Brady his dinner, later that day, when a knock sounded on the loft door. “Someone’s here to interrupt your dinner, slugger. Who do you think it is?”

Brady smiled at his father, his face covered in a mixture of noodles and pears, and he babbled, “Mama.”

“No…I don’t think it’s Marlena,” he said with a grin. John slid the loft for open, surprised to see Rebecca standing there. She’d been out of town since before he and Marlena returned from the hot springs. She’d left him a message stating she had a family emergency, and he hadn’t heard from her since. He hadn’t missed her, and he’d already boxed up the few things she’d left lying about the loft. In John’s mind, whatever relationship they had was over. In shock, he simply said, “Rebecca.”

“That’s all?” she asked with smile. She laughed, “I’ve been gone two weeks, and that’s the hello I get?”

“I’m just surprised to see you,” John said.

Rebecca stepped into the loft, “I’m sorry I didn’t call. My mother broke her hip, and I had to rush to Michigan to help my father, and arrange for a home nurse.” She stepped closer, touching his chest lightly, “But I’m back now…so where’s my welcome home kiss?”

John stepped back, “Rebecca…we need to talk.”

She stared at him warily, and said, “Okay.”

“Let me get Brady down for a nap, and then I’ll be right back,” he said, wiping Brady’s face, and lifting him from his high chair. 

When John returned a few minutes later, he sighed, watching Rebecca where she sat on the couch. Scrubbing his palms over his face, he walked around, and sat beside her, “I can’t see you anymore, at least not on a personal level.”

Rebecca’s heart sank, “Do I get an explanation?”

“I’m in love with Marlena,” he said softly. “I’ll always be in love with Marlena.”

“So…you used me?”

“No…yes…maybe. I don’t know! I was trying to get over her, and everyone in my life was telling me to move on. To find someone else to love, and I tried. I did…but I’m always pulled back to her.”

“Were you sleeping with her, when you slept with me?”

“What?”

“John, I’m hardly an idiot. She came to your home in the middle of a freezing February storm. I knew she was here when I came by,” Rebecca said, standing up from the couch quickly.

“We’d been…Marlena and I had been having an affair since February. She—she pushed me away for awhile, but I…didn’t stop pursuing her.”

Rebecca felt her anger growing, “You pursued her, while dating me? John, no matter how you spin it, you were using me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t say much else. I never meant to hurt you, and I have. I know that.”

“Well, this is fucking wretched timing, John. I’m done at D.A.s office, and I work for you now,” Rebecca said is rising frustration. Her heart wasn’t broken. John was fun in bed for sure, but she wasn’t in love with him. Something had always held her back, keeping her from giving him her heart. Now she understood why.

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to keep my job,” she told him, “…but I don’t want to look at you while I do it.”

“I need someone at the offices in Italy,” he said. “I’m not sure of you’re interested, but I need someone to oversee operations there.”

“I want a raise,” she said.

“I can do that, as well as expenses related to relocation,” John told her softly. “There’s housing provided by EcoSystems, but if you want something else, I can do that.”

Rebecca approached the door to the loft, “I’ll let you know later today.”

John watched her walk away without another word. Just as Rebecca was in business, she was at the end of a relationship. It was over, and she was moving on. He sighed again, relief coursing through him. Ending things with her had been hanging over his head. It was done now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman watched warily as his guard placed a videotape in the VCR outside his cell. Had another month gone by already? Roman wracked his brain. It must be tape number 17. He’d been here for six tapes. The first eleven tapes were spent in a hospital bed recovering from his near fatal injuries.

The guard laughed, “You’re going to enjoy this one, my friend.”

Roman had no patience for the mans games, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean, asshole?”

The man laughed again, wiping sweat from his brow with a rag, “You will see soon enough.”

Roman watched with uncertainty as the television monitor came to life, and the guard walked away, still laughing to himself. He was confused about what he was seeing. It was that man again. What was his name? John?

“Why the fuck is he in my bedroom?” Roman wondered aloud. But he knew. He already knew, he simply refused to acknowledge the truth of what he watching.

He heard Marlena say softly, “I feel like a school girl.”

“No,” he whispered. “No.” A sinking sickness filled his belly, and he suddenly understood why the guard was laughing.

Roman watched in sadness, and heartbreak, as his wife began to undress in front of another man. He could see her rapid breathing in the shadowy room, as the man he knew as John, reached around her, and began unbuttoning her top.

Marlena gasped softly, “Roman…”

Roman roared into the empty room, “What the fuck! What’s going on? Guard!”

Marlena turned in John’s arms, whispering, “Does it bother you? If I call you, Roman? Or do you prefer John?”

John looked down at her, touching her lips softly. “Roman,” he repeated. “No. I’m getting used to it.”

Roman’s mind couldn’t seem to wrap itself around what he watching. She was calling the man he thought was John…she was calling him Roman.

Tears fell from Roman’s eyes, as he sank to the floor of his cell. He watched his wife make love to an imposter. He tore at his own hair as he watched her writhe and cry out underneath the ministrations of another mans hands, and when her climax came, his mind would forever echo with her cries.

Roman awoke with a jolt, his heart racing in his chest. His body was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and his clothes stuck to him, as he gasped for air. Marlena was his wife. His. She needed to know that. She needed to remember that, because he wasn’t letting her go that easily.

Chapter 35

Roman sat in the darkness of his kitchen, staring at a bottle of whiskey that was nearly gone. He should have purchased two bottles, and then he wouldn’t find himself staring into air. It was a bottle he’d only purchased the day prior. He continued to stare at it quizzically, tilting his head to the side, with a look of confusion. How was it almost empty? 

He wiped the sweat from his brow. It was so hot in the house. Intentionally hot. He knew, he should turn on the air conditioning. His house was sweltering, but Roman refused to do it. He needed the heat. He wanted it to soak his body. The high temperature…the humidity that came with it, and the way his clothes stuck to his body – all of it, forced memories that he’d been repressing. Memories of John, Marlena, and pain, both emotional and physical. The anger, and the rage that came with those memories, he’d been living in that for days. Reaching for the whiskey bottle on the table in front of him, he tipped it back, taking a long draw, and closed his eyes as the amber liquid burned a path to his otherwise empty stomach. 

“You think anyone is looking for you?” Stefano sneered as he stood next to Roman’s hospital bed. “No one is looking for you. Your brother believes you to be dead, your body washed out to sea. No one’s searching for you. No one.”

Roman was weak, unable to even conjure the rage he felt he should have. His broken bones were healing slowly, and his bruises were turning an ugly shade of green and yellow. He was still trying to remember what had happened but it was all unclear. He remembered fighting with Stefano on a cliff, and then nothing else until he woke in the bed. 

“Let me go home,” he rasped. “I want to see my family…my wife…” He remembered Marlena’s face when he said he was going on an ISA mission. She looked so betrayed. He’d left her, and the twins were barely a month old. He shouldn’t have gone, and if he ever managed to make his way home, he would have years of apologizing to make up for it. Now she thought he was dead. He had to get home.

Stefano smiled, “Your children will never know you, and your wife…she is beautiful. I can see the appeal, but no, Roman, you are staying here. You are an essential part of a bigger plan. You stay.”

“A bigger plan?” Roman asked him weakly. “What plan?”

“Ah,” Stefano laughed. “You’ll know soon enough, and the pain I’ll see in your eyes will be well worth it.”

Roman whispered, “Why do you hate the Brady’s so much? I don’t understand.”

“I have found,” Stefano said smugly, “…that the best way to make an enemy suffer, is to target their family.”

Roman was quiet for a moment, “So this is about my father?”

Stefano laughed, “Ah, see? I’ve said too much.”

Another man entered the room. He was tall, dressed in a black t-shirt, and a pair of old military fatigues. There was a gun strapped to his thigh, and another to his chest. A beret was settled onto his dark head, and he stared at Roman with intense, cutting, blue eyes, saying nothing.

Stefano smiled even wider, as if he held a secret, and said to the man, “John, I need you to watch over our guest. He seems to be recovering quickly, and could become a potential flight risk.”

“Yes, Sir,” John replied, finally turning his eyes to Stefano. He moved to stand in the corner, and said nothing further.

“So, now you have your fucking mercenaries watching me?” Roman sneered. “If you can’t tell, old man, I’m stuck in this bed. I can barely turn my head, let alone leave this hospital bed and go on the run. You made sure of that.”

“Not for long,” Stefano replied. Glancing at John, he said, “Don’t allow him to leave the room. He stays in that bed.”

“Yes, Sir,” John said staring straight ahead.

Stefano left the room, and Roman turned his head to stare at the hired killer in the corner. Trying to appeal to any humanity John might have, Roman said hoarsely, “I have a wife, children…”

John looked at him, his face devoid of emotion.

Roman continued, “Do you hear me? I have a wife…children. My twins…my twins were just born!”

Again, John didn’t respond. He only stared at Roman with his intense blue eyes, revealing nothing.

“I suppose you’re just a mindless machine doing Stefano’s bidding. You don’t have a mind of your own?”
“I follow orders,” John told him. “That’s my job. Now, shut up.”

“I need to get home to my family,” Roman said.

“I know all about your family,” John told him. “More than I care to know. Now shut up!”

Roman stared at the bottle of whiskey, realizing nothing remained, except a few drops at the bottom. He held it over his open mouth, allowing the dregs to drip in, and then he tossed the bottle onto the floor of the kitchen with a dull thud, watching it roll across the floor. Standing on shaky legs, he made his way into the living room.

Digging through the wine cabinet, Roman pulled out a bottle of red wine. It was a bottle that Marlena was saving for a special occasion. Walking unsteadily back towards the kitchen, Roman slammed the door open, watching it bounce against the wall, and muttered, “Fuck that.”

He began pulling the kitchen drawers out, one by one, allowing them to fall to the floor in his search for a corkscrew. Unable to remember where it was, Roman roared in frustration, and hit the top of the bottle against the edge of the countertop, breaking the glass. He poured some into a coffee mug, and sank to the floor with the mug and the rest of the wine. His drunken, exhausted body leaned against the dishwasher, as his head rolled to the side, and he moaned, allowing the memories to come.

“Where the hell did John go? He’s such a conversationalist,” Roman asked, staring at Stefano though the prison bars. “I haven’t seen his disapproving face here recently. Did you send him off on some Stefano DiMera endorsed killing spree?”

“I do not endorse killing sprees, Roman, although I do appreciate your flair for the dramatic,” Stefano replied. “No, I have sent John…away. He has a new assignment.”

“Away? A new assignment?” Roman repeated curiously. Stefano had his hands in several pots, Roman was well aware of that. He was about to inquire further, when a guard appeared pushing a cart with a television and a VCR, causing Roman to sneer, “Ah, my monthly entertainment.”

“I think tape number 14 might be the most intriguing one yet. You may really enjoy this one,” Stefano said with a laugh, as he walked out of the room. Roman’s heart sank. Everything with Stefano was a mind fuck, and obviously this would be the worst one to date.

The majority of the video seemed to be nothing more than a bandaged man wandering through the streets of Salem. Roman knew Stefano was near by, and he said loudly, “What am I watching? This is ridiculous bullshit.”

He was just about to roll over, and go back to sleep, when the video switched, and he saw Marlena in Shenanigans, talking to Chris Kostichek. Christ touched her arm, and spoke to her softly. Roman felt himself getting angry. He’d already been forced to watch the Richard Cates debacle, he could handle Marlena getting involved with Kostichek. Mumbling to himself, Roman said, “I always knew he wanted my wife.”

The rest happened so quickly, Roman was, at first, confused by what he was watching. Marlena was grabbed from behind, as a young man yelled loudly, “Nobody’s gonna get killed if they just plat it cool man!”

Roman’s heart rate picked up. The man had a gun, and it was obviously a robbery. He was on his feet in a moment, gripping the bars, and shouting in fear. But the real fear, the fear that made his blood run cold, was when Marlena was rescued by a face so familiar to Roman…it turned his blood. No. It was John…but it wasn’t. The man he watched seemed unsure of himself, almost shy. That wasn’t the John, he’d come to know at all, and Roman knew then, that Stefano was playing another game. Another fucking game with all of their lives. Was John a part of that game? Roman wasn’t sure, but he hated the man just the same.

Marlena was thanking him, suggesting he get a job with hospital security. Roman cried out, “No! No, Doc!” Because if John worked at the hospital he had access to Marlena.

She reached her hand out, with a tentative smile, and John reached for it, shaking it slowly, while he stared at her. If Roman didn’t know better, he’d think John was smitten, but no…John was part of a larger plot. Everything he was doing, everything he was saying was a lie, a ploy. Roman’s heart sank. John was in Salem, and Stefano had him interacting with his family. They were in danger, and he was locked in a cell in the middle of the jungle with no idea as to his own location. 

Roman roared, “Fuck you! Fuck you, Stefano. You G-d damned bastard! Fuck you!” and all he heard echoing against the stone walls was Stefano’s laugh, and his receding footsteps as he got further away.

Looking around the kitchen, Roman scanned over the mess he’d made with little concern. Wiping his brow again, he poured more wine into the mug he held in his trembling hand. Beyond the physical torture Stefano had engaged in for nearly a year and a half, Roman was forced to endure emotional torture. Stefano had intentionally assigned John as his guard, and then sent him to Salem, all for the sole purpose of causing Roman as much emotional turmoil as he could. 

It had worked. He’d found himself in a near constant state of panic. As much as he hated the tapes, he demanded to rewatch them repeatedly, studying details, and conversations. When Stefano had gotten Marlena from Orpheus, the tapes hadn’t stopped. Every month, another tape appeared. In some of them Marlena was awake, coherent…but something was off. She didn’t seem herself. She seemed to live in a constant state of sadness. In others, she was comatose. He watched hours of footage of her prone body in a hospital bed.

When Marlena woke up, and fought her way home, Roman wasn’t even aware. If a tape of those moments existed, he’d had never seen it, but then came tape number 78. A foggy night on pier 29, and Marlena was calling out his name…but directing it at another man. John. And then John’s hands were on her body. His fingers were laced through her hair. Roman watched as they kissed in the darkness, and roared out his frustration.

It was tape number 78, when Roman’s anger woke again. At least when Marlena was comatose in her bed, she was away from John. He’d been forced to watch the man live his life solo for almost five years, but he’d lost Marlena. Roman had watched his family accept John into their lives, and he’d watched John seamlessly play the role of police officer, brother, son, and father. The only person in his family who had ever questioned John, as Roman, was Carrie, and she accepted him soon after. His parents, his siblings, his daughter, and his wife, all broke his heart the day they accepted John as Roman. 

Roman was left feeling as if he was nothing. Inconsequential. What was he to them, if he was replaced so easily? He drank the rest of the wine, and stared at the back door with glazed eyes. He knew he should get up, and go lie down. He hadn’t slept in almost 24 hours. Barely able to get to his feet, Roman stumbled out of the kitchen, slamming the door, and hitting his hip on the table as he walked by. His feet became tangled, and he toppled to the floor halfway to the couch, and that was where he stayed, lost in a haze of alcohol fueled memories.

Chapter 36

Roman’s car sat in the driveway of their darkened home. Marlena knocked on the door, and waited. It was just after sundown, so Roman shouldn’t be asleep. She knocked again, but after getting no response, she started to dig through her purse for her house keys, even though she felt uncomfortable letting herself in. It no longer felt like her home.

As she pushed the door open, a blast of warm, humid, stale air, assaulted her. Marlena reached for the lights, flipping the switch, and gasped in surprise at the state of the house. Items were broken, and photos were torn from the walls. The frames were broken, and the glass was scattered across the carpet, as if someone had walked through it repeatedly. Tears sprang to her eyes, while she stood immobile, staring at the remnants of her past torn to pieces. 

When her eyes landed on the destroyed floral hatbox she’d forgotten to take with her the last time she was there, a sob escaped her. Stepping towards it, she saw the contents had been destroyed. Her wedding photo to John had been intentionally cut into minuscule pieces, and the sweater…the sweater lay in tatters at her feet. 

Marlena reached up, wiping the tears from her face quickly, and turned to push open the kitchen door. There were pieces of a broken dining room chair blocking her path, and she carefully nudged it to the side with her foot, while wiping more tears from her face. The kitchen was empty, but the destruction was the same. Marlena whispered to herself, “My G-d, what has he done?”

Roman had destroyed all of it. He’d taken the evidence of their life together, and reduced it to shambles. In the kitchen, she skirted more broken glass, a discarded wine bottle, and an empty bottle of whiskey. The same as the living room, the kitchen was a mess. Open cabinets, and drawers dropped to the floor, with their items strewn about. All of it indicated that Roman had been searching for something. Judging from the way the top was broken off of the wine bottle, Marlena assumed it was the corkscrew.

Taking a deep sigh, she exited the kitchen. She was going to have to let this go. She was going to get what she came for, and leave. Roman was obviously in crisis, and she would need to call someone to help him through it. Ascending the stairs she saw more destruction. There was a hole in Sami’s bedroom door, and more photographs torn from the walls. The stench of vomit hit her nose as she neared the bathroom. Roman had obviously lost the contents of his stomach, and failed to clean it up. Vomit was splattered across the floor, and over the toilet bowl. Staring at the mess in disdain, Marlena closed the door.

Roman must be in their bedroom. There was no other place he could possibly be, unless he was in one of the twins rooms. The house was too quiet. Everything around her, all of the destruction, screamed at her to leave…and yet the silence was deafening. A sense of foreboding, a wrongness, enveloped her, and suddenly Marlena knew she needed to leave. She could get the final box of Eric’s things later.

Just as she turned, she heard Roman’s voice behind her, “You’re leaving, Doc? You just got here.”

Marlena faced him with tears in her eyes, and she said, “Why have you done this, Roman? Why have you destroyed the house?”

He stepped closer, obviously still slightly drunk since he wobbled on his feet. His face was haggard. He wore a pair of unbuttoned blue jeans, and nothing else. Marlena noted the layer of sweat that seemed to coat his body, pasting his dark curls against his forehead. He looked at her with glazed eyes, that seemed to struggle to stay focused. She stepped back, trying to put space between them as the smell of his unwashed body assaulted her.

Roman sneered, “I’ve destroyed the house…just the way you and John destroyed our lives. Does that make you sad, Doc? Do you feel like you’ve lost something?”

She turned to leave, saying, “I’m going to go.”

Roman reached out, gripping her upper arm, and jerked her body back so roughly, her head rolled on her shoulders. “Why are you leaving so quickly? Does the wreckage of our lives bother you that much?”

Marlena tugged on her arm, which only made Roman hold onto her more tightly. She grimaced in pain, “Roman, stop. You’re hurting me. You don’t want to do this. You don’t. Please, allow me to leave. I can call Caroline, or Shawn…Bo…or even Kimberly if you want. You need help, Roman.”

He stared at her, and said, barely above a whisper, “Did I ever tell you…that the first time you fucked John, I was forced to watch?”

Marlena stared at him in shock, “What?”

Roman pushed her back against the wall roughly, and leaned closer, his sour breath wafting over her face as he said, “Every G-d damned month someone shoved a video into the VCR, and I was forced to watch your life play out on a television monitor. I saw it all…”

Marlena felt nauseous. She wasn’t sure if Roman was being honest or not, but the mere thought made her sick to her stomach, “No…”

“No?” he laughed. “What was it you said to him…oh, yeah, you said he made you feel like a school girl.”

Her most private moments with John, who she thought was Roman at the time, had been videotaped and played back for Roman in another twisted mind game of Stefano’s. 

“You took him into our bed!” Roman told her, pushing her shoulders back against the wall. “You called him by my name!”

“I—I’m sorry that you saw that…I’m sorry you were hurt by that,” she whispered. “Can you let me go? Please?”

“No!” he yelled. “No! Stefano kept me locked up for nearly seven fucking years, and every month he shoved a fucking video in my face to show me how happy my family was without me. He wanted to make me suffer through the pain of watching everyone I loved accept John, as if he were me…all for some G-d damned vendetta he’d been harboring against the Brady’s!”

“Roman,” she said carefully, fully aware that he was on the edge of sanity. “Can you at least allow me to sit down? I’m feeling dizzy.”

He released her quickly, stepping back. He watched her slide to the floor, and cradle her abdomen. “You’re pregnant?”

Marlena looked up at him. She’d hoped to be able to hide that from Roman for awhile longer, at least until after the amniocentesis. “Yes.”

“Is it John’s?”

“I—I’m not sure…I think so.”

“You know, Stefano had John guard me for nearly a year, before he disappeared? Imagine my surprise when he shows up in Salem, playing the naive amnesiac,” Roman muttered. “The John, I knew was never a conversationalist. He was hard. He followed orders, and he lacked emotion.”

“You—you knew him before? You never said anything.”

Roman shrugged, “I never said a lot of things.”

Marlena stared at him quizzically, “Roman…that doesn’t make sense.”

“I tried to warn you,” he said. “I was afraid to be too obvious. I was afraid he might have a trigger I wasn’t aware of and he might snap.”

“He doesn’t have a trigger anymore,” she said softly, remembering what John had told her about the pagoda.

“A person can have more than one trigger, Doc!”

“John doesn’t,” she whispered. 

Roman stared down at her, and said, “You don’t fucking know that!”

Getting herself back onto her feet, she said loudly, “I do! I do know that!”

He grabbed her arm again, jerking her once, “You don’t know—”

“—I know that John is not, and will never be, a danger to me or the children. I absolutely do know that!”

“You barely knew him a few months before you were pulling him into our bed and calling him Roman!” He roared in her face. “How could you have known him at all?”

“Please let me go home,” she said softly. “Please. You need help right now. You need someone to talk to.”

“Why can’t it be you, Doc? Haven’t you been pushing me to get therapy since I came home? Well, here I am…talk.”

“Roman, it doesn’t work like that.”

“Do you want to know what it felt like to watch my family completely abandon me? Do you want to know what it felt like to watch my wife make love to another man in our bed? Do you want to know why Stefano hates the Brady’s so much? Because I can tell you all of those things. I can tell you what it feels like to watch my wife scream my name, while making love to another man…every single time!”

“Roman…”

“Does he kiss like me? Does he taste like me?” he asked her, shaking her again and digging his fingers into the soft flesh of her arm. “Does he fuck like me?”

“No…” she whispered. “I thought…I thought…”

Roman laughed full of vitriol, “What? Say it. Say it!”

“Say what?”

He laughed again, “Facial reconstruction, Doc…it’s for the face…not his dick. But I guess you were too busy getting off to think about it.”

“I loved him,” she said softly, as tears sprang to her eyes. “I love him…I still love him.”

“You thought he was me!” he screamed, shaking her body, and pulling her towards their bedroom. “You only loved him because he was me!”

“Roman!” she cried, becoming more frightened at his erratic behavior. He was jumping from subject to subject, and his emotions were all over the place. “I want to leave. I don’t want to be here!”

Marlena was tossed unceremoniously onto the bed. She wrapped her arms around her abdomen when she landed, to protect the pregnancy. Roman was yelling, and throwing items across the room. “You loved him only because you thought he was me!”

Marlena said softly, “I loved him before I thought he was you. I was already in love with him.” She started crying, as she said, “You have to stop holding that against him…against me. Stefano destroyed our lives Roman. We can’t change that, but you are wallowing in hate, anger, and jealousy. It’s going to destroy you.”

“He’s nothing like me!”

“He had your memories!”

“That means nothing, Doc! Nothing!” Roman told her.

Marlena sobbed, “If he was you…then he wasn’t Stefano…it was easier to love him if he was you…”

Roman smirked, “There we go…did you ever truly believe he was me?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” Roman roared leaning over her. “He wasn’t me, and you fucking knew it! Somewhere inside yourself you knew that!”

“Roman, I don’t know! I don’t know…I just know I loved him, and I couldn’t—I couldn’t let him go!”

He slid down the wall leaning against the bedroom door, blocking her exit. Marlena scrambled from the bed, going to sit on the floor on the opposite side. She stared at Roman warily, wondering how she was going to get out of the house and away from him. John would come looking for her. There was no doubt in her mind. Carrie was watching the twins, and knew where she’d gone. It was only a matter of time.

Chapter 37

John let himself into the penthouse, carrying Brady in one arm, and a bag of Chinese take out in the other. “Hey, Doc!” he called. “I’ve got dinner.”

Carrie came from the kitchen, “I was trying to call you.”

“Everything okay?” he asked her, handing an excited Brady over to her.

Sami and Eric came running out of the kitchen. Sami jumped into John’s arms, screaming “Aba!”

Eric started sniffing the air, “Are we having Chinese food?”

“We are,” John said laughing. “Where’s your mother?”

“Mom went to get the rest of my toys from the house,” Eric told him.

John looked at Carrie quickly, “What?”

“That’s why I was calling you,” she said softly, moving away from Sami and Eric. “She called me to watch the twins. She said, she wouldn’t be gone more than 45 minutes, but it’s been over three hours.”

“She went to the house?”

“She said, Roman wasn’t home. He was supposed to be at the Pub, but I called the pub, and Bo said, Roman left earlier. So…I think he was at home when Marlena got there…I don’t know though. Nobody is answering the phone.”

“Shit,” John said running his fingers through his hair. “Something is wrong…can you call Abe and ask him to meet me at the house. I’m going over there. Feed the kids dinner, and keep them distracted.”

Carrie was scared, “I will.”

“I’m going to get her, Punkin’. I’m going to get her,” he said, heading for the door.

“Aba!” Sami cried. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to get your Mama, Peanut. I’ll be back soon,” he told her, ruffling her hair. He glanced once more at Carrie, and said, “Call Abe.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman stared at Marlena huddled across the room, on the other side of the bed, as if she were scared of him. She was scared of him, and he’d given her every reason to fear him. She’d probably have more bruises from the way he’d been gripping her arm just moments earlier.

“You know, Doc,” he said, with slurred words. “There something I don’t really understand…you came home with me. Why? I mean, why come home with me, if you were just going to go spread your legs for him?”

Marlena cringed at his words, and she replied, “It’s complicated.”

“Well, why don’t you uncomplicate it.”

She stared at him, unsure of whether to be honest. How much could he take? Didn’t he deserve the truth, when she’d been lying to him for months? “I told you in San Cristobal…I was in love with John.”

“You thought he was me,” Roman repeated, as if that was the answer to everything.

“I was in love with him before that,” she said softly. “I loved almost from the first moment.”

“Why? Why then? Why come home with me if you wanted him?”

She hesitated, and finally said, “There was some confusion. I thought…he chose Isabella, and he assumed I’d chosen you.”

“So, I was a fucking pity case?” he asked her with a sneer, rolling his head over the wood of the door. He was struggling to keep his eyes open. 

“No,” she said firmly. “No. I thought that after seven years with Stefano…you deserved a chance.”

“Some fucking chance,” he told her.

“I gave you a chance, Roman! You wasted it!” she said in frustration. “You spent more time at work than you did with your family.”

“I guess, I can’t live up to the magnificence of John Black,” he said, full of sarcasm.

“Maybe,” she whispered. “John…he was present. He was here when we needed him. He coached. He came home for dinner. I felt loved…”

Roman was quiet. The phone rang, and Marlena looked at it. Roman said quietly, “Don’t even think about trying to fucking answer that. We’re not done.”

“Roman, you can’t do this. You can’t keep me here,” she told him, wiping sweat from her face. 

“You not leaving,” he said. “You made me think we had a chance, but I see now. That was never the case. I never had a chance.”

“Don’t put this all on me, Roman Brady,” she said in anger. “I tried!”

“It was never right,” he said. “I could feel it. Maybe that’s why I worked so much…I kept thinking it would be like it was, but it never could be. That’s what you’re telling me?”

“How could it be? It’s unfair to expect it to be!” she cried. “You have no idea what I went through. Not really. You got some tapes from Stefano, and you think you know everything. Did Stefano tell you, I shot him? Did he tell you he kidnapped the twins?” Roman stared at her in surprise, and Marlena had her answer.

“You moved on with Richard Cates pretty quickly. Then Chris…”

“Chris? Chris was a few kisses for a lonely woman, Roman.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Abe pulled up with two other squad cars behind him, to find John sitting out front of Roman’s house in his Jeep. “You want to tell me what’s so urgent?”

“Doc’s car is here. Carrie said she’s been here for hours, and no one is answering the phone,” John told him. “Somethings not right, Abe. I can feel it.”

“Have you knocked?”

“I was waiting on you, partner.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Sometimes…sometimes, I have dreams, and it’s as if I’m back there. I’m stuck in a cage in the middle of the fucking jungle…”

“Roman, you’ve suffered trauma. Longterm trauma, and you—you’ve refused help,” she said.

Roman stood up in frustration, and started pacing the dim room, “I don’t need fucking psycho babble to tell me what I went through was a load of shit, Doc!” 

“That’s not what I meant,” she said softly. The room was so hot, and the air was so stale, she felt herself getting ill. “Therapy could help you with those memories. It could help you process the trauma. Pushing them down…ignoring them…it will only make them worse.”

“You gonna tell what to do with seven years of fucking torture? I was living in an 8×8 cell, while you and John shacked up, and he took over my life!”

“John has no recollection of his time before Salem! Why can’t you believe that?” Marlena cried, struggling to her feet. “You hate him. You hate everything about him, but he remembers nothing!”

“I remember!” Roman roared in rage. “I fucking remember! He was my guard for months. All I remember when I look at him is cold hard eyes, and his refusal to speak to me. He was nothing more than Stefano’s puppet!”

“He was Stefano’s Pawn.”

“What?”

“Roman, I have tried so many times since you came home…so many times, to talk to you. To talk about this time period, and you have consistently told me, we need to move on. We can’t! We can’t move on! Because you hold all of this rage inside…all of this anger, and it’s directed at John…it’s directed at me,” she said, wiping the hair stuck to her forehead to the side. She was beginning to feel lightheaded. “John came to Salem with no memory. No past. He still remembers nothing prior to late 1985. He was bought and sold in a game. A game between Stefano, Victor and Petrov. He’s as much a victim, as you or I!”

“No! No! John played a role in all of this, but he was not, and will never be the victim!”

A loud knock sounded on the door downstairs, and Marlena instantly moved towards the door. Roman blocked her path, “Don’t fucking think about it, Doc!”

“Roman,” she said carefully. “You have to know…John will be looking for me. He’s probably already contacted Abe.”

“I said, you’re not leaving.”

“Can I at least have some water?” she asked him wearily. “I’m not feeling well.”

“The bathroom,” he said. “There’s a cup in the bathroom.”

Marlena unbuttoned her jacket, and shrugged it off of her shoulders. Her silk blouse underneath stuck to her with sweat, giving Roman pause. She didn’t look well, but she couldn’t leave. She was his, and he needed to make her understand that.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John knocked again, and he and Abe waited. Still they received no answer. “Abe, we gotta get in there!”

Abe was as frustrated as John was, but he said, “We can’t just bust the door down, John. There’s procedure!” 

“Fuck procedure!” John said. Moments later he kicked the door wide open, and entered the house. John and Abe stared at the destruction with identical expressions of shock. “I’m not leaving here, Abraham, until I’ve got Marlena.”

Abe looked towards the door, and said, “McCall, call for backup. We might have a hostage situation.”

She stared at Abe for a moment, and finally turned on her heel and ran back outside.

“How do you want to do this, John?”

“We’ve got to clear the downstairs,” he said heading towards the kitchen.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena heard the crash of the front door, “Roman, they’re in the house.”

He started digging through the bedside table, and pulled out a gun. Marlena gasped, as he checked to make sure it was loaded. Leaning against the bedroom door, he told her, “Get comfortable, Doc, because I told you…you’re not leaving.”

Marlena went back to the corner, on the opposite side of the bed, and she whispered, “This is madness, Roman. You can’t keep me here.”

“I’m not letting you leave here with John,” he told her. “You’re mine.”

“I’m mine,” she said. “Me. I belong to myself. I make my own choices.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he said.

Chapter 38

John exited the garage and ran though the kitchen, kicking pieces of a broken kitchen chair out of his way as he went. Upon entering the living room, the first thing he saw, off to the side, was Marlena’s sweater, torn to pieces, and their destroyed wedding photo, in minuscule pieces scattered amongst broken glass and the remnants of the frame. That must have broken her heart to see that. Glancing at Abe, as he reached down to salvage the sweater, John said quietly, “The garage is clear.”

Abe remembered that sweater, and he knew why John was having the reaction he was. Sometimes a piece of clothing held memories, as in the case of that sweater. “If he’s got her, they’re upstairs,” Abe said quietly. “There are more officers on the way. We think he has her in the master bedroom. The curtains are drawn.”

“He’s got her,” John said. “And he’s sitting on the edge of sanity.”

“If anyone can pull him back it will be Marlena.”

“She shouldn’t have to, Abe! I don’t know if that will be enough,” John said. “This house is burning up, I’m turning on the air conditioning.”

“John…I wouldn’t, it might set him off.”

“Abe, she’s pregnant,” John told him, watching Abe’s eyes momentarily widen in surprise. “She can’t be sitting upstairs in this heat. It won’t be good for her.”

Abe nodded once, and John ran back into the kitchen to turn on the air conditioning.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman had been quiet for awhile when they both heard the air conditioning kick on. Marlena sighed softly in relief, wiping more sweat from her neck. Roman stared at her, feeling that little bit of guilt at her state of discomfort. His mind sat on a precipice of awareness. He felt himself slipping in and out of reality. He was sometimes back in a cell in San Cristobal, while at other times, he felt like it was 1984. His children should be babies, Carrie should be in the 5th grade…Marlena should be in love with him. Reality…reality was as if he were caught in a time warp. A branch of reality, but impossibly wrong. How had everything gone so wrong?

“I don’t understand something,” he said slowly, staring at her even as his head rested against the door. “How did seven years change you into a completely different person? The woman I married—”

“—the woman you married, was a wreck when you met her, Roman. You need to acknowledge that. I was a surviver of trauma myself. You were safety to me, from the moment you arrived, and the capacity you arrived in…you were safety. Your job was to protect me. Our relationship, from the very start, was based on you taking care of me, and me being dependent on you. I had been locked in Bayview, raped by Kellam, my baby had died, my husband had cheated on me with someone I considered a friend, and I was being stalked,” she replied. “The woman you married was meek, and dependent. I am, by nature, neither of those things.”

Roman remembered her soft hazel eyes, welling with tears as she stared up at him during a thunderstorm. He remembered kissing her soft lips, and promising that he would keep her safe. He shook his head violently, and yelled, “That’s not true!”

“That is true,” she said firmly. “You know that. Do you remember what you called me the day we got married?”

Roman’s alcohol muddled mind remembered an argument, but he couldn’t recall specifics. It didn’t matter. They’d married, and they’d promised to be together until the end of their lives. That meant something. That stood for something. 

“You called me a fish wife,” she said softly. “I barely reacted. Maybe because I was used to your blustering…maybe because my life experiences had broken me for a little while.” He continued to stare at her, but didn’t respond. Marlena continued, “When you were gone for the first year and a half, I fell in love with Richard…and then I lost Richard. Another tragedy.”

“Richard was using you,” Roman mumbled.

“No. No, I don’t think he was. Richard was caught up in the wrong things, that’s true, but I think, he loved me. Richard…killed Theo,” she whispered. “He killed Abe’s brother. Abe killed Richard…it was all so traumatic. It should have been another event to knock me down, and after dealing with your death, I’m surprised that it didn’t.”

Roman felt himself getting more frustrated, “Why the fuck are you telling me this, Doc?”

Marlena wrapped her arms more tightly against herself, and stared across the dim room into Roman’s eyes, “Because, I didn’t crumble, Roman. I didn’t need someone to hold me up, because I could hold myself up. I depended on my friends…family, but I was stronger, and ultimately, I got through that on my own strength.”

“You’re different because of John,” Roman said with disgust.

“Why won’t you acknowledge that I’m different because I grew,” she asked him. “I changed…on my own. Did John change me, sure…but before John was even in the picture, I was stronger, more independent. I hunted down Stefano, and shot him in the rafters of the opera house, Roman! I did that! I went on trial for murder! I am not the same woman you married, and it’s unrealistic for you to expect me to be!”

He stood up on legs, still wobbly with drink, and he roared, “You married me!”

Marlena whispered, “I married John, too.”

“Fuck!” Roman yelled, staring at her with crazed eyes, pushing his sweaty hair out of his face. “Seven years! Seven fucking years I spent dreaming of my family, and I come home to shit!”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, and she said softly, “That’s the problem isn’t it? You spent seven years dreaming of a family that didn’t age. What kind of family did you imagine coming home to?’

“What?” Roman asked her in confusion.

“When you imagined us, Roman. What did you imagine? Did I have long hair or short? Were the twins still babies, or were they seven years old? How did Carrie look?”

“Why are you asking me this?” he asked in confusion, watching the dust particles twist and swirl in the shaft of light cast by the moonlight shining between the curtains.

“Because…I think you imagined us frozen in time. My hair was still short and curly, the twins were still babies, and I imagine that Carrie had never aged past the 5th grade,” she said softly. “What you were imagining could never be, because you can’t stop time. We moved on. It’s unrealistic to expect anything else.”

“That’s how I survived!” Roman stood near the door, breathing heavy, and stared at the woman he had promised to love and honor for their lives. He was so confused, and the alcohol still coursing in his body didn’t help him think clearly. He fell to his knees, the gun held weakly in his hand, and he repeated weakly, “That’s how I survived.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Abe whispered, “He got her in the master bedroom. It’s the only room we haven’t been able to check.”

John strapped on the bullet proof vest, securing it snugly, as he watched Abe do the same. “I’m going to knock on the door.”

“Stand to the side of the wall, and reach around,” Abe said softly.

John smiled for the first time in nearly two hours, “I remember the drill, partner.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A knock sounded on the bedroom door, and Roman stood quickly, spinning around and firing the gun three times in rapid succession, while Marlena screamed from where she sat in the corner.

“Get the fuck outta my house!” Roman roared, staring at the holes he’d made in his bedroom door. The smell of gunpowder filled his nostrils, and he felt the heat of the weapon still firmly grasped in his hand. 

“Roman…it’s Abe,” they heard Abe say from outside. “We need you to allow Marlena to leave.”

“No. She stays,” he said vehemently. 

Abe tried again, “Roman, she’s pregnant. She hasn’t eaten for hours.”

“She’s had water,” Roman replied. “She can have as much fucking water as she wants, but she’s not leaving!”

Outside the room, Abe pulled John down the hall, “That’s what we needed…confirmation that she’s in there.”

“Talk to her,” John said desperately. “If he knows I’m here, it could make things worse, but ask to talk to Doc.”

Abe nodded and approached the door, “Roman?’

Roman yelled, “I said to get away from the door, Abe!”

“I just need to speak with Marlena,” Abe replied. “We need to know that she’s alive.”

“I wouldn’t kill her!”

“Roman…please, let me speak with her.”

Roman turned to face Marlena, “Well, Doc, tell our buddy Abe you’re okay. I haven’t killed you in a fit of jealous rage, although I’ve imagined it several times.”

Marlena stared at Roman in momentary surprise. She couldn’t get an accurate read on his mental state, but his last comment indicated homicidal ideation, which was concerning by itself. Then there was his sporadic disassociation…another concern.

Outside in the hallway, John’s fists clenched, and unclenched by his side, as he waited to hear Marlena’s soft voice. He took a visible breath, when he heard her say in a shaky voice, “Abe…I’m here.”

“Are you hurt or injured?” Abe asked her.

“No,” she replied. “No, I’m—I’m fine.”

“Roman?” Abe called. “We need to figure out a solution here, buddy, because you can’t keep her in there against her will. What you’re doing, you know it’s wrong. You need to let her go.”

Roman laughed, “Doc and I, we’re working through our problems.”

Marlena stared at him, “Roman, please…let me go. I just want to get home to the twins.”

“No!” he yelled. “Don’t lie to me! Don’t lie to me! You want to go home to John.”

She was losing her patience. She was hungry, thirsty, tired, and it was still sweltering in the house. She looked at him with narrowed eyes, and said, “Yes. Yes, I want to go home to John.”

Roman turned quickly to the door, ignoring her request, and shouted, “This goes no further, until John is in this room! I think he needs to join this little chat.”

Marlena leapt up from the corner, “No! No, Roman! No!”

“You afraid I’m going to hurt him?” he asked her with a sneer. “You know he’s here already. He’s in the house. Hell, he’s probably standing right out there in the hallway with our dear friend Abraham Carver.”

“John doesn’t need to be in here!” she cried. “This is between you and me.”

“No, Doc. That’s where you’re wrong. This is between all three of us,” Roman told her.

Chapter 39

Abe looked at John, trying to gauge his reaction to Roman’s request, but he knew the answer already. John would not be stopped. He would go inside, and he would die, if it meant protecting Marlena. John said softly, barely above a whisper, “Get a wire on me now, Abraham. I’m going in.”

“You’ve got two minutes,” Roman yelled through the door, “…or I change my mind.”

“Now! Abraham,” John hissed. “I need a wire. Now!”

“John…we can’t! We don’t have the equipment,” Abe replied. “You can’t do this.”

“I’m doing it, partner. The woman I love, and my unborn child is in there. I’m not leaving her.”

John heard Roman’s voice call through the door, “I’m going to unlock the door. You count to five, then enter, with your hands up. You will close the door behind you, and lock it. If you don’t follow instructions, I’ll shoot you.”

Marlena’s panicked voice, continued to shout at Roman, but John replied loudly, “Okay.”

He and Abe heard the lock click of the lock, and John silently counted to five. Taking a deep breath he opened the door, and entered the room with his hands raised. He pushed the door shut with his foot, and then turned the lock. The room was very dim, cast in a hazy glow of moonlight seeping in through the drawn curtains. John’s eyes frantically searched the room, finally landing on Marlena crouched in the corner. Their eyes locked, and John nodded once briefly, watching her face light up. Everything within him screamed at him to go to her, but Roman faced him with a gun.

“Isn’t that fucking endearing,” Roman said with disgust. 

John started frantically pulling at the velcro holding his bullet proof vest in place. He could hear Marlena across the room, screaming for him to stop, but he didn’t. Roman used his gun to direct John to the other side of the room, placing his own body directly in front of the door again. “Get over there!” Roman told him gruffly.

John got closer to Marlena, sliding the vest over his head. He tossed it towards her, saying, “Put it on, baby.” Marlena scrambled to pull the vest towards her, and slip it over herself. John told her, “Fasten it tight.”

“If I wanted her dead…she’d be dead,” Roman said without emotion. 

“Let her go, Roman,” John said. “She’s not the one you’re upset with. Not really.”

“She pulled you into our bed, and called you by my fucking name! You think, I’m not upset with her?”

John stepped closer to Marlena, telling Roman, “She’s not feeling well. Can’t you see that?” Marlena’s clothing was stuck to her skin, and her cheeks were hot from the high temperature.

“You turned on the air conditioning, didn’t you?”

“I’m going to get her some water,” John told him, heading for the bathroom. “Shoot me if you want to.”

“She’s already had water!” Roman roared. “She’s fine!”

“For someone who claims to love her, you disregard her feelings quite a lot,” John said, staring Roman down.

Marlena whispered, “John…I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Doc, and I’m getting you water.”

Roman watched helplessly as John entered the bathroom, coming out with a large glass of water. He crouched down in front of Marlena handing it to her. His hand squeezed hers, and he whispered something, before standing back up. John loved her, that much was evident, but Roman was stuck. He was stuck in a cycle of rage, because nothing was as it should be. He shouldn’t have been taken by Stefano. He shouldn’t have been imprisoned for seven years. He shouldn’t have been forced to watch the life, he should have lived, play out on a television monitor. All of it was wrong, and all of it was unfair.

Roman sank to the floor, loosely holding the gun in his lap. Leaning against the door, Roman said softly, “You got everything. I watched you live my life, and you got everything.”

“I didn’t get everything,” John said, glancing at Marlena, and then looking back over to Roman. “When you came home, Roman, after Mexico…I gave it all back. I even…I even let Doc go.”

“But you had an affair,” Roman laughed derisively. “You’ve been fucking like rabbits since February.”

“The affair…the affair, Roman. G-d, I tried to stop it from happening. We both did, but as much as we were wrong, you have to take some responsibility in that.”

“I was taking care of my family…providing for them!”

“You were emotionally unavailable!” John roared. 

Marlena was afraid. Roman’s instability with her was something she felt she could control. Now that John was in the room, she feared for him. If she lost John…she would lose herself. Staring up at him, she whispered his name, but he wouldn’t look at her.

“You took my family from me, and then you abandoned them!” John told him. “You wanted to be a father, but you’re a stranger to the twins. You’ve had years to learn that Sami adores chocolate chip pancakes, and Eric could live off of blueberry muffins. They love sports, and music, and Saturday morning dance parties! Sami loves scary stories, but then uses them as an excuse to stay awake—”

“—shut up!” Roman roared, losing his grip on the gun, and allowing it to fall to the floor. “Shut up! Shut up!”

“No! No! Because before you came home, Eric was asking to take dance classes…and now…now, he’s afraid to cry!” John roared. “When we thought Marlena had died…I did everything. I changed diapers, I learned to cook, I stayed up with them when they were sick, I cleaned up vomit…fuck…I had to help Carrie when she got her first period! They were my life! But you came home…and they weren’t mine. I gave them up. I let you into their lives, because I trusted you! I fucking trusted you to do right by them!” 

Roman was silent, breathing heavy and staring at John with hatred while a dawning sense of truth came to him. 

John said, “My affair with Marlena…it was wrong, but my love for her – that isn’t. My love for those kids? That’s not wrong either. We were all Pawns, Roman. All of us.

Marlena saw the change in Roman’s eyes, and she said softly, “Roman…it’s not too late. It’s not too late to fix this. Let us go…put the gun away.”

Roman had no energy left, he’d exhausted himself in nine years of anger, and several bottles of alcohol. He stared at Marlena, and he said, “Leave. Both of you. Leave.”

“Roman…” Marlena whispered afraid to leave him alone with a loaded gun, when he looked so despondent. “Roman…you—you come, too.”

He stood up, bringing the gun with him, and he went to sit on the bed. “Nah, Doc. You go. John too. Just leave…please.”

John stepped towards her, reaching for her hand, “Doc…come on. Please.”

Tears were falling down her face again, and she said, “I’m scared.”

“I need you safe, baby. I can’t think when you’re in danger,” John pleaded with her. “Please.”

Marlena nodded. John was staying. He didn’t even need to tell her. He mouthed the words, I love you, and softly opened the bedroom door, allowing her to leave. Roman looked up, realizing John was still in the room, and he said, “I told you to fucking leave.”

“No,” John said softly. “Marlena would never forgive me if I left you alone in here, half-drunk, with a loaded pistol.”

“And, I thought you cared,” Roman said, with depressed sarcasm. 

John stepped closer, “Give me the gun, Roman.”

“You should go,” Roman mumbled, cocking the gun, and gripping it tighter in his palm.

“I can’t,” John said softly. “I remember, you know. Not much…but I remember standing in a corner of your room, when you were recovering. I was different then. My feelings, and emotions were repressed. I couldn’t feel much of anything, but when you would tell me stories about your family…I remember thinking, I wish, I had memories too. But I had nothing. No past at all. I was a blank slate.” John reached for the gun, wrapping his hand around Roman’s, and he said, “Give me the gun, Roman. We can work on this.”

Roman looked up at John, “I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not pity. I kind of think you’re an asshole,” John told him. “But you have some things to make up for. This isn’t how it ends. Stefano doesn’t win this round.”

“Stefano’s dead,” Roman replied emotionlessly.

“We both know how likely that is. Give me the gun.”

Roman released his grip, refusing to make eye contact with John. He felt nothing. All of the anger seemed to have dissipated, and Roman was left with sadness, loneliness, and an emptiness he didn’t think he would ever be able to fill. He heard John’s words though, “You’re going to get help, Roman. Your children are going to know you, and you’re damn sure not going to kill yourself, and leave Marlena with that shit. You’re a stronger man than that.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When John exited the room, he was alone. He handed Abe, Roman’s gun, and he said softly, “He needs some help, partner.”

Abe replied, “He’ll get help, but I can’t keep him out of trouble for this.”

“He knows that.”

“I’ll need a statement from both of you.”

“Tomorrow,” John said. “I’m taking Doc home. I’m feeding her dinner, and I’m putting her to bed.” John reached for Marlena, helping her off of the floor, and he slowly began to release the velcro on the bullet proof vest. Although the house was considerably cooler, underneath, her satin blouse was like a second skin. He wiped the tears from her cheeks, and he said, “Lets go.”

Marlena touched his face, “Thank you.”

“I would never leave him like that. No matter what, at one point in your life, you loved him. He’s Carrie and the twinners father. I care about him for those reasons.”

“I love you,” she whispered. 

“I love you,” he told her, lacing his fingers through hers. “Let’s go.”

“You’ll stay with me?”

“Tonight?’

“Yes…I want you with me tonight.”

John brushed her sweaty hair from her face, and he said gently, “I’ll stay with you.”

Chapter 40

Marlena sat on the edge of her bed lost in thought. She startled when John said, “I’m glad Carrie had the kids asleep when we got here.”

“I feel guilty that she’s sleeping on the couch,” Marlena replied. 

“We need a place with more space,” he said. “I’d like to start looking, although now that Lawrence has gone to Europe, the family estate is vacant.”

Marlena looked at him in surprise, picture the large mansion. “That place is massive, John! Surly you don’t think we need something quite that large?”

“Think about it like this, Doc, a bedroom for us, one for each of the twins, a nursery, plus Brady’s room…a spare room so Carrie isn’t on the couch. That’s already six bedrooms.”

Marlena smiled wanly, “Oh…you’re right.” She yawned widely, and John reached for her hand, helping her stand up.

“Lift your arms, baby,” he directed, lifting the hem of her satin blouse. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Pulling her shirt off of her, John saw the deep purple bruises marring the soft skin on the inside of her upper arms. Roman had hurt her again. He touched the skin softly, lifting her arm up and kissing the damaged skin. Roman would never put his hands on her again. John wouldn’t trust him to be near her alone ever again. Not after what had happened. 

Marlena looked at John with deep sadness, and exhaustion in her eyes, “Do you think Carrie is okay?”

“Carrie, as much as I hate saying this, has never been able to form a real bond with Roman since his return. It has been a series of misunderstandings, and wrong turns. Maybe at this point that is better for her.”

“Better? Why would it be better?”

“Because, what he did this evening, what he did to you…that would hurt much worse if she had high expectations of him,” John whispered. “I hate seeing it that way. I hate saying it out loud…but it’s true Doc. Carrie has seen Roman at his worst over the last two years.”

“I know,” she whispered. Roman had very likely irreparably destroyed his relationship with Carrie. Rebuilding the trust would be next to impossible.

John’s hands trailed lightly over the skin of her softly rounded abdomen, and he was in awe. “Your pregnancy is starting to show. I hadn’t realized.”

She shivered, reveling in the soft touch of his fingers against her skin. His eyes caught hers, and his fingers paused on the belt at her waist, asking, in silence…requesting her permission to go forward. Barely able to catch her breath, she said on a sigh, “Yes.”

Deft fingers pulled her leather belt free, dropping it to the floor with a rattle. Returning to the clasp that held her pants at her waist, John unfastened those as well, pulling her zipper down. Marlena gasped softly, when John slid his hands low, over her back, and inside, cupping her bottom. Pulling her closer, he nuzzled her neck, and whispered, “I was so scared tonight.”

“I was scared…for you,” she replied, touching his face softly. “I really wished you hadn’t come in that room.”

“There was no way, I wouldn’t come in there, baby. I wouldn’t leave you there, if I had the opportunity to get to you, no matter how dangerous the situation was,” John whispered, as his lips drifted over the soft skin of Marlena’s neck. He pushed her slacks over her bottom, and they slithered to the floor. Marlena stepped out of them, and smiled when John told her, “I will always come for you…always.”

Marlena’s eyes filled with tears. The stress of the day, her worry for Roman, and her love for John all consumed her. “I want you with me…I want you with us. You and Brady.”

John laced his fingers through hers and lead her into her bathroom, where he pulled his shirt over his head. She watched him in silence when he turned on the shower and slipped the button of his jeans free. His eyes captured her, and her body trembled with want. 

Stepping forward, John whispered, “You’re beautiful, Marlena.” Soft skin under his palms, had him pulling her body closer. The soft, barely perceptible rounding of her abdomen pressed into him, and he told her, “I’ve always wanted this…since I fell in love with you, I’ve wanted this. The memory of you, swollen with our child. The idea of raising children with you.”

“It must have been so painful when you walked away.”

“I walked away because I thought it was best for everyone, and we’ve already discussed that…but, I wish, I hadn’t. G-d, it was such a mistake. Such a massive mistake.”

Steam filled the bathroom, and Marlena leaned forward, pressing the length of her body against his, “No more mistakes…no more miscommunication.” She kissed the skin of his chest, and whispered, “Just you, and me, and the children.”

John felt his body responding with the long swipe of her tongue along the column of his neck. A deep groan escaped him. Marlena’s fingernails scraped over his lower back, and then she was pushing his jeans over his hips. Her lips searched his out, biting at the soft flesh of his mouth, as she mewled into him. He was lost in her, reaching back, and unclasping her bra to free her breasts. He wrenched it free from her shoulder, and clasping his arm around her waist, jerked her body forward again, kissing her fiercely. “I could drown in you, Doc…” he told her, biting softly at her mouth, and licking over her tender flesh. “I could drown in you, and die so fucking happy.” John reached down, twisting his fist in the elastic of her panties, and he growled, “Take these off.”

Marlena stared up at him, and started slowly pushing the grey lace over her hips, while John reached behind them, pulling the shower door open. More steam rolled into the room, and looping his arm around her, John lifted, stepping into the shower. The heat of water rolled over her skin, and Marlena gasped. John set her down, staring into her hazel eyes, and said softly, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kim stared at her brother as he stood next to the window, looking out over the city. It was nearly two o’clock in the morning. He’d been charged with kidnapping, false imprisonment, another domestic battery, and attempted murder. There was no way he could get away with those charges unless he listened to her closely, and took what was being offered. She approached him, touching his arm gently, “Roman, come sit down. I need to talk to you.”

“Kim…what is there to say,” he replied, still staring out at the city lights in an otherwise dark night. “I know what I did. I might not have acted so rashly if I’d been sober, but I’m a cop. I know being drunk isn’t an excuse.”

“Roman, it’s serious. It’s very serious,” Kim whispered. “But there…there might be a solution.”

He looked at her, “I don’t need a solution. I’m broken, Kim. I’m so irrevocably broken. Every night I have nightmares of my time with Stefano. Hours and hours of sleep deprivation, loud, and blaring arias. He broke me down to nothing. Hell, Kim, half the time my nightmares come to me when I’m awake…a car backfiring, a slamming door. I’m not safe.”

“Shane says that Chief Tarrington has an offer…”

“I don’t deserve an offer,” Roman whispered, finally turning to look at her. “I don’t deserve anything.”

“Stefano might be alive,” Kim said.

“Stefano is dead,” Roman told her lacking emotion. When you were as tired as he was, emotion was too much to muster. “I saw him die.”

“Maybe not. Chief Tarrington thinks…you might know things. You might be able to help them determine if Stefano is truly dead…or alive and hiding somewhere.”

“What would I know, Kim? I was in a hospital bed for nearly a year, and after that I was in a fucking jail cell in the G-d damned jungle for six years!”

“The ISA is offering to have your charges dropped…in exchange for some concessions…”

Roman laughed derisively, “Concessions? To the fucking ISA? Kim, you and I both know what that means.”

“They are offering treatment for the PTSD, with the best doctors on ISA staff,” she told him. “You need this.”

“PTSD? I’ve never been diagnosed—”

Kim stepped closer, gripping his arm as he tried to walk away. The fiery temper of their father came up, and Kim hissed, “Because your fucking stubborn ass won’t get therapy! That doesn’t mean that you haven’t managed to destroy your whole life because of it. You have, Roman! Stop denying the truth. Stop hurting your family…your children!”

Roman jerked his arm away from his sister, and sat heavily on the hospital bed. After several long beats, he looked up at Kim, “Abe won’t go for it.”

“Abe already agreed.”

“What?”

“After speaking with Marlena, and John…he’s willing, if you agree.”

Roman looked at her suspiciously, “Why are you the one speaking to me about this?”

Kim laughed, sitting in the chair next to the bed, “Because I’m the one that knows how to call you on your bullshit, big brother. ”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena rolled into John’s naked body with a sigh, running her fingers through the coarse hair that covered his chest. His soft breath as he slept, and the slack lines of his face showed how relaxed he was in sleep. He brought a calmness and a peacefulness to her own soul. He was with her, and she wasn’t allowing him to sleep anywhere else, but beside her, for the rest of his life. Slipping her thigh, high on his, she sighed, and snuggled her face into his neck. She sighed softly, and for the first time, felt the soft roll and flutter of the life inside her.

She whispered softly, “I love you little baby. Your daddy loves you, too. We both love you so very much.”

John’s eyes fluttered, and he said in a sleep drunk voice, “Get some sleep, Doc.”

“I love you,” she whispered, wrapping her naked body around his.

John groaned, “Doc, you need to rest, and if you keep rocking your hips against my thigh…we won’t be sleeping.”

“Maybe I’m not sleepy,” she whispered, feeling the sharp throb of arousal in her core. Pressing her pussy against John’s thigh, she said, “You feel so good.”

John rolled towards her, pushing his thigh high, and Marlena groaned, biting at the skin of his chest. “Is that what you want, baby?”

“Yes,” she hissed.

“Are you still wet from earlier?”

“Yes.”

“That turns me on so fucking much,” he told her, lifting her leg high. He slid his already erect length into her swollen and wet folds with a groan, whispering, “After this…sleep.”

Marlena’s fingernails scratched over the skin of his shoulder, groaning at the feeling of his length filling her so completely, and she panted, “Okay…okay…sleep…after this—” John pushed into her again, deeper than before, bumping her cervix, and she cried out, “Oh, G-d! Yes!”

Chapter 41

June 1993

John was standing on pier 29 during the hottest part of the day. The scent of the river, and daily life there, comforted him. He had no past before 1985, so the river…it was comforting. The smell of fish, algae, and oiled machinery relaxed him, although to someone else, it likely wouldn’t elicit the same reaction. John would often come to the pier. He could stand there for hours, remembering his time with Marlena. Even when he was married to Isabella, and staying away from Marlena had been so incredibly difficult, he would sometimes escape, coming to stand on the pier, so he could lose himself in the memories. 

The first time he stood there with Marlena, his memories, and his life experience only spanned a few weeks. She stood beside him, and spoke of her love for her deceased husband, Roman. John remembered wishing at the time, that he could know a love like that. He wished he could know a love like that with her. Once he had, he wasn’t sure the pain of having it, and losing it, was worth the knowing. 

The night Marlena returned in 1991, had been bittersweet. He recalled burying his face in the sweet fragrance of her hair. He’d held her small frame, in a vise-like embrace. His lips had found hers so naturally, and the flavor of her felt like returning to a place he’d forgotten in time. Once he’d fully accepted that she was there, she was with him…a fear so strong it nearly incapacitated him, took over. He’d run. Later, even Bo had expressed what an asshole he’d been to leave her there in a seedy riverside hostel, but fear…fear you do things you would never think yourself capable of.

They met on this pier the night John realized, he still loved her. When he had glanced over at Marlena during Jennifer’s interview, and all of the love he had ever known from her was shining in her eyes as she stared back at him…he was lost. There was no denying that. Later, he known inexplicable that Marlena was there. His mind knew, she was at the pier. Admitting he still loved her was the easy part. Staying away from her was impossible. 

Footsteps sounded behind him, and John turned to see Abe descending the stairs, “Hey, partner.”

“I was looking for you, and I saw your car parked, so I thought, I’d see if you were here,” Abe replied.

“I was just standing here thinking about what this place means to me…what it means to Doc,” John said, listening the the cries of birds, and the clanging of the buoy. 

“You and Marlena have spent a lot of time here,” Abe said looking out over the water. “I remember the time we came fishing here, and Marlena made you put the worm on the hook, while she insisted there had to be a more civilized way to catch fish.”

“We have.” John laughed, “I believe, she said, I was a murderer.”

Abe was silent for a moment, and then said, “I wanted to let you know that Roman was discharged from the hospital today, and the ISA has taken custody of him. He’s being transported out of Salem to an undisclosed location as we speak.”

“That’s good,” John said softly. “That’s good. Marlena wants him to get help.”

“Is that what you want?” Abe asked him.

“I want him to stay the hell away from Marlena and the twinners,” John said seriously. “Maybe he’ll get the help he needs with the ISA. He certainly won’t get it in prison. Maybe he’ll return to Salem in a few years time, apologetic, and he’ll try to be a better man, but, right now, I’m happy to have him gone.”

“Stefano really did a number on him,” Abe replied. “But I think, at least on the Salem PD side of things, mistakes were made. I pulled your file, and his…and there are personal records missing.”

“You’re surprised by that, Abe? Stefano has fucked us all up in some form to another. He had his hands so deep in the political system of Salem, I’m not surprised there’s paperwork missing. Not at all.” John sighed, “Stefano, after everything he’s done to the Brady’s, we all suffered, but we confront those memories. We confront them, and we try to learn from them. We don’t use them as an excuse to hurt the people around us, and we certainly don’t use them as an excuse, but Roman did.” John said. “Roman being gone…it’s the best thing right now.”

Abe smiled, “Hey, I heard Eric started dance classes.”

John’s eyes lit up, as if he were the proudest father alive. “The boys a natural, from what we were told. The teacher adores him, and he has the grace of a fucking gazelle,” John said. “The way he gets ecxcited when he comes home to show us something he learned…it’s—Abe, Roman was destroying that boy slowly, and now…he’s coming back to himself. He’s so happy, and open.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you and Marlena. How’s Sami doing?”

John laughed, “Sami manages to get herself into trouble nearly every week. The girl has no filter, thinks everything is funny, and is soccer crazy. Last week on a field trip, she decided to stomp on ketchup packets…inside the school bus. They wanted to suspend her, but I worked something out.” Abe arched his eyebrow, and waited for John to continue. Abe had watched John raise Carrie, and he could only imagine what John might have devised. With a laugh, John said, “Our dear Samantha Gene will he helping wash school buses every Saturday for the next month.”

Abe laughed, “I’ll bet she hates it!”

John smirked, “She’s made friends with all of the staff at the bus depot, and she says it’s fun.” Abe laughed even harder, when John said, “I’m almost certain she has learned nothing from this experience.”

“I heard Carrie signed up for classes at Salem U.”

“She did,” John said. “She’d been putting it off…everything with Roman over the last few years seemed the throw her off track, but I talked her into taking two classes, and we’ll see how she likes it. She’s interested in psychology, which isn’t surprising. She’s watched Marlena practice psychiatry for years, and I think…I think what Roman’s been dealing with might be another reason. She’s still working part time at Ballistix.”

“Is she moving in with you and Marlena when you move into the Alamain place next week?”

John smiled, “She is. It will be so nice to have my family under the same roof. Marlena and I spoke with her, and as much as she loves Austin, living together right now…she’s not ready for that.”

“Are you ready for chaos?” Abe asked.

“In the best way,” John said with a soft smile.

“Did Marlena’s amniocentesis results come back yet?” 

“Doc should be getting them from the lab, before she heads home.”

“You know, Lexie and I just found out we’re expecting,” Abe said with a smile. “We’re going to have some juggling to do, because she’s wanting to go to medical school, but we’ll figure it out.”

“Abe! I know you’ve wanted a baby for awhile.”

“We’d decided to hold off…so she could go to medical school—”

“—sometimes life has other plans, partner,” John laughed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena stood outside the lab, in a corner near a large potted plant, with the test results in her hand, and slowly opened the envelope. She needed this baby to be John’s, and something inside her had been screaming that it was. The only way to know was cross-referencing the blood types. Marlena unfolded the paper, staring at it for a moment, feeling a surge of relief wash over her. She started crying. The baby was John’s, and the relief she felt…it was as if the flood gates opened. Tension she hadn’t even realized she was holding drained from her body. She glanced down at her gently rounded abdomen, only now noticeable, and she smiled, wiping tears from her eyes quickly.

Looking up, she saw Kim looking at her. She approached, and she said softly, “The baby is John’s?”

“Yes,” Marlena said with a choked sob.

Kim reached out, pulling her in for a hug, and whispered, “I think that’s for the best. John…possesses a limitless amount of love.”

“He would love this child no matter what…but knowing it’s ours, that we made it from our love…I can’t regret that, and I regret a lot of things about our affair.”

“You’re affair with John,” Kim said softly, “…that was inevitable. Stefano has done so many things, duped so many people, and hurt my family so badly…but he did one thing right. Putting you and John together couldn’t have been something he foresaw as a love match.”

“He’s still alive,” Marlena told her. “I can feel it…a sense of foreboding.”

“That’s why the ISA wanted Roman.” Kim sighed, “Speaking of Roman, he’s in ISA custody now. Ma and Pop, me, Kayla, and Bo…we told him goodbye this morning. After his treatment, he’ll likely go into deep cover. We might not hear from him for awhile, but I think…after he gets the help he needs, his hatred for Stefano might be his driving force,” Kim told her.

“You’re probably right,” Marlena replied. “I wish…I wish…”

Kim took Marlena’s hand, and told her, “We could wish all we wanted, Marlena, but Roman had two years to try and acknowledge, he needed help. He’d be going to prison for a long time, if he’d refused this offer from Chief Tarrington. We both know that. I watched you try to connect with him for two years, and he couldn’t do it. He was too angry at the family, at you, and even…to a certain extent, Carrie. He blamed all of us for accepting John, for loving John, and it held him back.” Kim stared into Marlena’s eyes, and she said, “I watched John and you circle each other every time you were in a room together, and when Isabella died, I watched John drift back to you. He came to you as a friend, for comfort, and understanding, because he didn’t trust anyone else to see him that vulnerable. Your connection to John, and your love for John…Roman simply couldn’t understand it. After the pit, you and John were even closer, and Roman didn’t support you through that, but John, John did. John was everything you needed, while Roman pushed you away.”

Marlena wiped her eyes, and hugged Kim tightly, “You are such a good friend…and sister. You will always be my sister.”

Kim held Marlena close, “John will always be my big brother. I can’t see him as anything else.” Stepping back, and wiping her own eyes, Kim smiled, saying, “Can I tell Ma and Pop about the baby? Or would you like to do it yourself?”

“You can tell them it’s John’s, and it’s a girl.”

“A girl!” Kim gushed. “They will adore having a new baby girl in the family.” The both turned when they heard footsteps rushing down the hall, and Kim nearly laughed when John appeared around the corner. “You couldn’t wait, could you?” Kim laughed.

“You know I have no patience, Kimmy,” John said, trying to catch his breath. Looking at Marlena hopefully, he waited.

Handing him the white, folded, piece of paper, Marlena whispered, “She’s our baby.”

“She’s a she?” he asked in awe, opening the paper, and scanning it.

Marlena smiled, and said, “She’s a she.”

He reached for her, pulling her against him roughly, and he said, “That makes me so fucking happy, baby.”

Kim felt a certain rightness in the moment, even as badly as it turned out for Roman, maybe in the end, it would work out for him too. She whispered, “I’m going to the pub to share the good news.” She walked away.

Marlena stared up at John, “It’s our baby.”

John’s palm settled over the slight rounding at her waist, “I feel like I knew it, but seeing it on paper, and hearing you say it…the relief is overwhelming.”

“I felt the same. My heart was telling me, she was yours, but until I saw the lab report, I didn’t realize how worried I was.” Her soft fingers trailed over his jaw, “We’re having a baby in November.”

“We should probably get married,” John whispered in her ear.

Marlena laughed softly, “Are you asking me to marry you, John Black?”

“I’m asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. I’m asking you to be my friend, my partner, my wife,” he said, cupping her face. “I want you by my side. I want to raise a family with you, and go on vacations together. I want sleepless nights, and diaper changes. I want to wake up with your naked body in my arms, because nothing is better than being in love with your best friend. Nothing.”

She stared at him, caught up in the magic of his words, and she felt a tear escape her eye, “Yes. Yes, John. You are my heart. My whole heart.”

Chapter 42

February 1994

John walked into the bedroom, holding the baby curled up against him. He cooed to her softly, listening as she grunted, rubbing her little face into his shoulder. Every time he had another child, he surprised himself at his capacity for love. When Sophie was born, his heart swelled. The last twelve weeks with their daughter had been amazing. Having his family under one roof, Carrie, Sami, Eric, and Brady, gave him the chaos he’d missed. 

He knocked on the bathroom door softly, “Doc, honey, the kids are asleep. Carrie called and she’s planning to be home later.” Lifting his daughter to look at her, he said in a singsong voice, “Do you want to say goodnight to Sophie, the cutest little piggy I’ve ever seen?”

Marlena stared at the pregnancy test in her hand, and said softly, “I’ll be out in a minute.”

It was positive. She knew exactly when it had happened, too, because they hadn’t waited the full six weeks.

Marlena stared down at John’s naked body, laid out on the bed, with his arms tied to the headboard. She’d placed a blindfold over his eyes, and she traced a feather over his nipples.

John groaned, his cock bobbing against his abdomen, “Doc…woman, you drive me mad.”

Marlena teased his length with the feather in her hand, brushing the softness along his dick, and over his thighs. She smiled, when his hips bucked, and he cried out, “Marlena!”

Placing the feather to the side, she reached for the Wartenberg wheel. She shuffled to the end of the bed, and ran her finger down the center of one of John’s feet. Repeating the action with her fingernail, she watched John’s body shiver. Using the wheel, she allowed the metal prongs to roll along the bottom of his foot, and he bucked again, “Marlena! Doc! Please!”

She laughed lightly, “It’s a good thing the children are with Caroline and Shawn tonight.” Straddling his thigh, she rubbed her clit against him, whispering,“You feel so good.”

Her wet heat slid across his skin, and John thought he might lose his mind. He wanted her. He wanted her so badly, his cock was painfully engorged, but it was too soon. They weren’t supposed to make love for at least two more weeks. He needed release. John whispered, “Suck me…Doc…something…please…”

He felt the metal prongs of the wheel rolling up his thigh. The slight sting of pain bringing with it an intense need. It wasn’t often that Marlena had taken control in their lovemaking, and this was the first time, since another time long before. John had forgotten how wonderful it felt to let go. To let her control it all. He tugged, trying to move his leg, forgetting that she’d firmly tethered him to the footboard. He was helpless, and so turned on he thought he might come just from the sensations she was creating on his skin.

Marlena stared down at him, her pussy so swollen and wet she thought, she could come on her own. Placing the wheel to the side she straddled John’s hips. He whispered, “We can’t…baby, it’s too soon…”

“I just want to feel you,” Marlena said softly, scraping her fingernails over his abdomen. His muscles clenched, and rolled underneath her fingers, and his hips involuntarily bucked against her.

When Marlena’s moist heat settled against his length, and she rolled her hips, allowing his cock to slide between her lips, John cried out, “Fuck!”

Marlena sighed, and began to rock against him, bumping her clit with every glide. She needed more friction, so she pushed herself down onto him harder, “Oh, John…”

“I want to touch you,” he cried, feeling incredibly turned on by the experience, but wanting to run his hands over her hips. “Please?”

Marlena lay her body over his, wrapping her small hands around the fists he had tied and clenched over his head. Licking along the column of his neck, she said, “You love this.” Her lips brushed over his, and she rocked her hips again, whispering, “You letting me be in charge sometimes…”

“Fuck,” John groaned. “I do.”

Rolling her hips again, the tip of his cock, slipped into her, and they both groaned. John wanted more, so much more, but they couldn’t. It was too soon. She wasn’t fully healed. He expected her to pull off of him, but she slid her body lower, biting his neck hard. It took everything within him, not to buck his hips, and push into her. “Doc, baby, stop. We can’t…we can’t do this…you’re not healed.”

“You feel so good,” she moaned. She pushed down a little more, unable to stop herself. She knew it was too soon, she could feel the sting of him stretching her, but she didn’t stop. “We’ll go slow…slow…” Marlena continued to pull him deeper into her body.

“Oh, G-d, baby…I could come just from this.”

Marlena placed her palm on Johns chest, and lifted herself slightly, sliding back down along his length, “I can’t stop. John…oh, I don’t want to stop. You feel so good.”

They began a slow dance. Laying her body along his length, she groaned as John pumped his length into her, while their orgasms built at a languid pace. The whole time their soft moans, and kisses filled the air. Every time her entered her, it pulled her clit, and she gasped in pleasure, and when they came. Marlena kissed him, crying into the recesses of his mouth, while absorbing John’s own cries of ecstasy.

The pregnancy test was positive, and she smiled, remembering the exact moment it had occurred. They hadn’t made love again for a month following that interaction, because John had been so afraid that she wouldn’t heal properly. John knocked on the door again, and called, “Doc? Are you okay?”

She opened the door with tears in her eyes, and she smiled at him so sweetly. John was immediately worried, and then she handed him the pregnancy test. He stared at it in awe, as she reached for Sophie, pulling the baby from his shaky grasp. She told him with a short laugh, “I guess we can rule out a stomach bug.”

“Another baby?”

“We will be the proud parents of a nineteen year old, two nine year olds, a three year old, and a set of Irish twins.”

“Six kids…” he mumbled sitting down when his legs felt a wobble.

Marlena sat beside him, “I’m happy though. I’m so happy. We’ll be having another one in September.”

Looking at her, John said, “I would have six more if you wanted.” He touched her face lightly, “As long as I’m with you…we can have as many babies as you’d like.”

Marlena leaned forward, kissing him, “I think this might be it, John.”

He laced his fingers into her hair, and said jokingly, “I hope it’s twins.”

Marlena’s eyes went wide, and she slapped his arm in mock outrage, “John Black! Don’t you dare!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

September 1994

Marlena gave birth to Jeremiah and Abraham Black on a cool September night seven months later. They went from a family of six, to a family of eight in a matter of hours. Marlena often marveled at the way her family filled the Alamain estate. It was chaotic, but it was also filled with love. A house that had once seemed staid, dark, and unwelcoming, became full of life. Marlena had ensured that all of the priceless artifacts were wrapped and put into storage, and she turned it into a home.

They had found out a month before the twins were born that Stefano was dead. Killed by Roman Brady himself. Roman had now gone into a deep cover assignment somewhere. All Shane has told them, all he was allowed to tell them, was that there were some loose ends regarding Stefano’s businesses that needed to be taken care of. It could take years.

The twins, and Carrie, were thriving. They fell very easily into John being their father. He’d always been their father, so in that respect, it took no effort. Sometimes Marlena felt a deep sense of sadness when she thought of Roman, and John understood. They all suffered the damage done by Stefano in their own ways, and Marlena still harbored guilt about the affair. She’d told him once that she should have come home from Mexico alone, rather than try to make something work that she knew was doomed to fail.

Marlena looked over at John, asleep in the chair next to her hospital bed with Abraham on his chest. She’d just finished breastfeeding Jeremiah, and he now snuffled and grunted in her arms as he fell asleep. “John?” she said softly.

His eyes fluttered open, and he said with a raspy voice, “Yeah, baby?”

“Jeremiah is done eating.”

He yawned, standing up and placing Abraham in his basinet. Walking over he gently lifted Jeremiah from her arms, and settled him in as well. Yawning again, John said, “I forgot how much work twins are.”

Marlena scooted to the side of her bed, and lifted her blanket, “Lay down with me. We have to catch sleep when we can.”

Sliding into the bed, John wrapped himself around her, kissing her head, “I love you woman.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered in a sleep laden voice.

Outside the room, Shawn Brady looked in to see two sleeping babies, and John and Marlena asleep in her bed. He thought everything had turned out the way it was intended, and with a soft shrug, he walked away to tell Caroline they would need to visit later.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I would like to say thank you to the most awesome friend a girl could have, @RachieQ was the best, most amazing, sounding board I could ever have. Every bump, every road block…every single time I had a question, whether ridiculous or not, she helped me organize my ideas. So, thank you, thank you, thank you, to the most awesome friend in the world.