Heat – By Alexis

Los Angeles, California. A city of hopes and dreams for the whole world,

and none of those ambitions were greater than the ones of young kids about to

embark on the opportunity of a lifetime.   Giving up some of the best things

that had ever happened to them for a chance at stardom. A hot new show, a

hot new look for NBC daytime. From the creators of Days Of Our Lives, Heat.”

 

“Well, what do you think of the promo?” Tom Horton, the young and upcoming

new producer of Heat asked his star, Marlena Evans, who was destined to be

the next daytime diva.

 

“I think it’s great! It will be even better when we get pictures with my

leading man so it can air,” she replied smiling

 

“Well sweetie, that might be sooner than you think.”

 

“He’s been cast?” she asked hopefully, as she leaned forward in her chair

with anticipation.

 

“As of yesterday. He is due here at 3, and the shoot for the promo is at 4”

 

“Oh my goodness! I can’t believe that we’re actually starting a soap today!

It’s surreal.”

 

“Not anymore babe, this is reality now, *your* reality!”

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Man, I can’t believe we are in NBC studios, and that my very own best

friend, John Black is about to become Daytime’s hottest new heartthrob!”

 

“Yea, you and me both. Just last month, I was a nobody, then I walked into

a coffee shop, and Stefano DiMera said I had ‘the look’, and I am own my way

to being a somebody,” he replied laughing, as he and Bo roamed the halls.

“Dammit, where is Tom Horton’s office, I have to meet with him, we’re gonna

talk about this shoot today with my ‘leading lady’.”

 

“Ohhh leading lady. Think she’s cute and single?”

 

“Bo! I am not about to take advantage of my co-star,” John replied looking

at him.

 

“Come on man, lots of soap couples date off screen.”

 

“Whatever, she probably has some model boyfriend, and is well known already.

Anyways, I think I found the office, so let’s go. Don’t wanna be late the

first day,” John said opening the door to Tom’s office.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Yes Sweetie, he was cast yesterday!” Marlena exclaimed into her cell phone,

as she updated her boyfriend, Roman Brady on the latest about her character.

 

“Yea, I dunno if I like the idea of you doing love scenes with this guy,

Mar,” he said jealously, as he sat back at his desk, and listened to the

sound of excitement in her voice

 

“Sweetie, there is *nothing* for you to worry about. I love you, nothing

will change that, not even if he is Matt Damon!”

 

“What about Ben Affleck?”

 

“Then I’d leave you” she said laughing. “I have to go now, but I love you”

 

“Love you, too. Bye.”

 

Marlena turned off her cell phone, and made herself comfortable in the seat

located in front of Tom’s desk. Flipping through her lines for the week, the

sound of the door opening took her attention away from the task.

 

“Well, this is it” Tom Horton announced to John and Bo as he had met them in

the hallway a few doors back “and here she is, your lovely co-star, Marlena

Evans.”

 

Marlena got up from her chair, and turned to greet them smiling. Directing

her attention to her long awaited screen partner, her face dropped when she

saw who stood before her.

 

“Marlena, I’d like you to meet-”

 

“John Black….”

Marlena got up from her chair, and turned to greet them smiling. Directing

her attention to her long awaited screen partner, her face dropped when she

saw who stood before her.

 

“Marlena, I’d like you to meet-”

 

“John Black….” Marlena said in awe as she looked at him.

 

John looked at her and smiled walking over to her, wrapping his arms around

her waist. “Marlena Evans, how are you?” he asked, leaning back to look at

her.

 

“I see you two know each other,” Tom asked, his left eyebrow raised.

 

“John and I went to high school together. We were actually really close at

one point,” Marlena replied, her eyes never leaving John’s. He hadn’t

changed much since high school, he still had the same built figure, the brown

hair, and the charming baby blue eyes. The same eyes she fell in love with

her sophomore year of high school, the same eyes that made her cry and laugh

at the same time, and a set of eyes which could always and would always melt

her heart.

 

“Marlena?”

 

Marlena snapped out of her daze and looked at Tom. “I’m sorry, what did you

say Tom?”

 

“I said that wardrobe is going to need to see the two of you soon. The shoot

for the promo is in an hour so let’s rock and roll. Marlena, you already

have the outfit, so go to makeup, John, I’ll show you to wardrobe,” Tom said

guiding John out of the room. John looked back once more and looked at

Marlena, taking in her beauty; the golden blonde hair, her shimmering hazel

eyes… it amazed him how he never saw how gorgeous she was in high school.

He walked out of the room, visions of Marlena still invading his mind.

           

                                   ****

 

Marlena was about to walk out of the room when she saw Bo standing there, his

arms crossed smiling. She moved back a little, startled to see him and

stepped back, crossing her arms.

 

“Bo Brady, the guy who made me miserable in high school, teasing me for

relentless hours on how I liked John, how are you?” she asked somewhat

sarcastically.

 

“Amazed to see little Marlena Evans. So you still have the hots for Johnny?”

Bo asked winking at her.

 

Marlena rolled her eyes and walked into the doorway. “Sorry sweetie, I

don’t. I’m seriously involved with a cop…names Roman. So I’m sorry, you

won’t be able to tease me.”

 

“You’re kidding, you’re involved?”

 

“Yeah, I know you want me and all but sorry! Now I must go, makeup awaits,”

Marlena smiled as she walked out of the room.

 

                                   ***

 

“Okay, John, I need you to press your lips against Marlena’s neck, Marlena

lean back into his arms and let your hair fly down your back, we’ll put the

fan on it so it looks like the wind is catching your hair…” the

photographer said as he gazed into the lens.

 

John pressed his lips onto Marlena’s neck, the smell of vanilla invading his

nose. He felt as chills ran up and down his body as his lips stayed pressed

against hers. He moved his lips up to her ear and whispered something very softly.

 

“We need to talk, meet for dinner, please…”

Marlena reluctantly agreed to dinner with John. As much as she wanted to

resist for the mere fact that she was in love with Roman, she couldn’t help

but give into his impromptu invitation. God, he’d been in her life less than

5 hours, and already he’d turned it upside down once again. After explaining

to Roman, that she was not feeling so well, she showered, and spent much of

the remaining time getting ready.

 

Applying her finishing touches of make up in the car on the way to Hugo’s

Ristorante, she couldn’t help but fall into a daze at the mere thought of

dinner with John, just the two of them. It was as though everything she’d

dreamed of her whole life was coming true, except now…..she was promised to

another.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

John Black fiddled with the silverware placed at his setting on the table,

as he anxiously awaited Marlena’s arrival. He could hardly believe that

after all these years, he had become infatuated with little Marlena Evans.

In high school, he was your typical jock, and most popular and sought after

guy in school. She was your average aspiring actress. Drama club, honor

society, and dreams of someday marrying quarterback of the football team,

only problem was…she wasn’t head cheerleader. They had your typical High

School stereotyped scenario. Now it was as though the roles had reversed,

and little Marlena had the upperhand. This time, she was the one sought

after, she was the one desired. The only thing that remained to be seen was

if the feelings had now become mutual, and no longer one sided.

 

“John?” a soft voice called from behind, as he turned around to face her.

 

She was absolutely breathtaking. Her hair was down, and resting perfectly

on her shoulders. Her hazel eyes shone with a smile that illuminated not

only her whole face, but the entire room. She wore a black tube dress, which

came down to her knees, and slits on either side. She held herself with

grace, poise and class.   She was like a goddess, every man’s dream, and he

could have smacked himself for not realizing it before.

 

“Marlena, you look….wow. You look amazing.”

 

“Thank you,” she replied smiling. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” She took

a few moments to capture his entire form. His suit fitted perfectly, his

short hair appeared to be freshly cut. He smelled like heaven, he always

had, even in High School. And of course, his baby blues. They were like a

sea of love to her, and every time she stared in them long enough, she swore

she was drowning in his love, or her own infatuation.

 

“Shall we?” he asked as she came back to reality.

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

With that, he led her over to her seat, and held the chair out carefully as

she sat down, and then headed back into his own seat for a night of

reminiscing, and confessions.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“So he looked at me and said ‘You’re the one. How would ya like to be on a

soap?’ Next thing I knew, I was in LA due to tape tomorrow, and now, I am

here with you. Of course, nothing compared to how Stefano saw you as the

next Deidre Hall, but I got here,” John said chuckling, as he told her

exactly how he landed his role opposite to her character.

 

“Nah, Tom made me out to be more than I am. I don’t see myself winning an

Emmy anytime soon,” she said modestly, as she sipped on her Chardonnay.

 

“You’re incredible..” he said, as he reached across the table to caress her

hand, and they made eye contact, a jolt of electricity seemed to rush from

them both with the touch. “Don’t ever let anyone think otherwise.”

 

“John…..” she said nervously, as she moved her hand from his grasp.

 

“No Marlena please, I have to tell you something, and I have to tell you

right now.”

Marlena sat nervously in her seat, biting down on her lower lip. She could

feel her teeth digging deep into her lip and she released pressure afraid she

was going to draw blood. “What is it, John?” she asked, her voice cracking

slightly.

 

“Look, it’s been amazing to see you and I know…”

 

“Marlena, sweetie, what are you doing here?” Marlena looked up and saw Roman

standing there. “I thought you weren’t feeling well.”

 

“Well uh… I got a second wind all of a sudden and I called you but you

weren’t home so I invited my co star out to dinner with me,” Marlena lied,

hoping Roman would believe it. “Roman Brady, this is John Black. John, this

is my boyfriend Roman.”

 

Roman extended his hand to John’s eyeing him carefully. “Boyfriend, sorry I

didn’t know she had one,” John replied.

 

“Yup, for five years, almost five and a half,” he said kissing her lips

sweetly. “Listen hon, I have to go take care of something but I’ll be back

in a second, will you be coming home with me?”

 

“Um yah, I’ll meet you in the lobby in a few seconds,” she replied, glancing

nervously at John. Roman kissed her cheek and walked away leaving Marlena

alone with John.

 

“John, I’m sorry, I have to get going…”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me,” he interrupted. “I mean if you have such a serious

boyfriend of five years… oh I’m sorry five and *a half* you could have told

me.”

 

“And why would it have mattered,” she shot back. “John this isn’t high

school anymore. When you left for college my junior year, I moved on. You

didn’t like me, I was just some girl who made you feel all high and mighty.

Well newflash *darling* high school is over, and my infatuation on you ended

long ago,” she yelled, walking out, eyes focused on her, especially John’s as

he felt his heart break and melt all at once.

I couldn’t stay away anymore,” she whispered softly into his ear, as her

tears streamed from her eyes to his shoulders, her arms draped around his

neck. “I can’t hide the way I feel,” she admitted as she pulled away, so

that they stood face to face.

 

“You don’t have to hide anything with me…” he spoke softly, as he lifted

his hands to caress her face lightly, and leaned down to kiss her softly.

Wrapping his hands firmly around her waist, he pulled her closer to deepen

the kiss, then reaching down, he scooped her into his arms, and headed

towards the bedroom.

 

“CUT!” The director yelled, as Marlena and John still remained caught up in

the moment.

 

“Hey Romeo and Juliet, that’s a wrap!” Stefano DiMera yelled once again.

 

Finally they pulled away, standing there for a few tension filled moments,

before she finally spoke.

 

“You can put me down, now.”

 

“Oh yea, sorry..” he replied, as he placed her down gently.

 

“Well, kids you two *definitely* have supercouple written all over these

scenes,” Tom said smiling, as he walked towards them on the stage. “We’ll get

to the lovey dovey stuff after lunch. I am sure you won’t have any problem

with that judging from what we just saw,” he said winking, as he placed

either arm around their necks.

 

“I am sure we won’t either,” John replied, never breaking eye contact with

Marlena.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Marlena put her hair up in a clip and slipped a white satin robe over

herself as she awaited the announcement of her next scenes. It was her first

bed scene with John and it wasn’t going to be easy. Despite how she stood up

to him at the restaurant last week, she hadn’t been completely honest. Sure

she’d thought those feelings had been buried long ago, but to see him again

was enough to bring them back from the dead with more life than ever. Now

that he’d felt the same way only made it worse. There was no chance for them

now though. She loved Roman with all of her heart, or at least, that’s what

she wanted to believe.

 

“Marlena?” someone called while lightly taping at the door.

 

“Yes, come in.”

 

The dressing room door swung open quickly, to reveal none other than John

Black standing on the other side.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“Why? I told you everything I had to say last week, John. Can’t you take

no for an answer?” she asked with aggravation, as she got up to reach for a

water from her small fridge, and sat down on the sofa.

 

“I could if I knew you really meant it.”

 

“I did really mean it!”

 

“No you didn’t. Not after the way we just kissed.”

 

“It was acting, John!” she yelled, becoming frustrated with his persistence.

 

“Was it?” he relied testing her.

 

“Yes, it was! And if you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for more. So

would you mind leaving?” she asked angrily, as she walked over to the door

and held it open.

 

He shook his head, and started to walk out. Stopping as he reached where

she was standing, he lifted his arm over shoulder on the door, and leaned

down to whisper in her ear, as she gasped.

 

“You just keep telling yourself that what we have is nothing more than an

onscreen chemistry, and maybe you’ll start to believe it.”

 

He lowered his voice, as he watched her tense up from the contact of his hot

breath on her skin.

 

“That might work for a little while, but I know someday, you won’t believe,

or *pretend* to believe that anymore. I just want you to know, when that day

comes, I’ll be ready to stop *acting* and start getting real.”

 

With that, he left leaving her there shocked. Giving herself a few moments

to take in the comments he’d just made, and digest the truth they’d held.

Marlena sat at her vanity and picked out a glossy silver lipstick from her

makeup bag. She brought it up to her lips and dropped it just staring at

herself in the mirror. John’s words earlier came flashing back to her. He

seemed to read her like a book. Thinking back to high school she had always

wished they’d be that close… even if she never got the chance to date him,

she wanted to be his best friend. She had always hoped that maybe one day

he’d come to his senses and realize how gorgeous she really was… and when

he finally did, not only was she involved with someone else, but also as

close to engagement as she could be. Laura had told her Roman wanted to do

it soon… but when ‘soon’ was, was the big question.

 

“Darling, are you ready?” Roman asked as he walked into the room adjusting

his tuxedo bow. “We can’t be late to ‘Heat’s Premeire Party,” he joked.

 

“Oh shush,” Marlena laughed. “I’ll be ready in about two minutes, my dress

is hanging in the bathroom, let me just go put it on.” Marlena ran into the

bathroom and emerged a few moments later, wearing a long slinky silver dress.

Two slits were cut on each side, going midway to her thigh, her long blonde

hair, pulled half up.

 

“Marlena, you look…”

 

“Amazing,” she finished kissing him gently. “I know, now let’s get the show

on the road.” She walked out of the bedroom as he ran after her, laughing,

thanking God for his amazing Grace.

 

                                   ****

 

John walked into the ballroom, his eyes scoping out the crowd.

 

“John, why the hell are Hope and I here?” Bo Brady asked as he walked in next

to John, his girlfriend Hope Williams on his arm. “It’s not like we’re on

the show or anything and I’m sure, we’d have something better to do than stay

here with all these people especially your little high school lover…”

 

“Shut up,” John said turning to him. “Marlena is involved, she doesn’t like

me, and are you still 16? Geez…”

 

“Ouch,” Bo said looking him up and down. “I see Bo has hit a nerve. Well

we’re going to go get a drink, do you want anything?”

 

“No thanks,” John said as he searched for Marlena. He found her standing on

the side of the room laughing with Stefano, his gaze getting lost on her

form. She looked like an angel to him… the lights reflected off her golden

hair, her slim figure lost in a sea of silver, her tan legs fighting their

way out of the dress. “Earth to John, come in John…”

 

John looked back at Bo, shaking his head to wipe out the memory of Marlena.

“What is it?” he asked somewhat quietly, still lost in thoughts of her.

 

“Nothing, but man, may I say that you sure as hell changed from high school.

All of a sudden Marlena Evans is the girl of your dreams, man she has you

whipped.” Bo walked off with Hope on his arm as the party continued to

blossom.

 

                                   *****

 

John was sitting at a table sipping a martini when Roman sat down next to

him. “John right?”

 

“Yeah,” he answered shortly as the swirled the olive around the glass.

 

“So how is it working on a soap? My girlfriend is great isn’t she?”

 

John rolled his eyes and popped the olive into his mouth. “Sure, she was

back in high school also…”

 

“I knew the name sounded familar,” Roman replied quietly, realizing just who

John was. “Marlena’s high school love interest. She liked you your senior

year and you didn’t like her because she was an iddy, bitty, sophomore…”

 

“First of all,” John said pointing his finger at Roman, “Don’t tell me *why*

I didn’t have interest in Marlena, because you don’t have the faintest idea.

I don’t care if she was a 1st grader if I wasn’t in love with someone else, I

probably would have had an interest in her. And second of all, don’t try to

act superior than me… you may think you’ve won, that you have Marlena, but

*buddy* I’ll tell you now it isn’t over until the fat lady sings… or in

this case, or girlfriend’s attractive co star!” John got up, pushing the

chair out of his way, leaving Roman alone and in shock.

 

                                   *****

 

“Marlena, I need to talk to you for a second,” Roman said as he took her by

the arm and led her over to the stage in the ballroom. He took the

micraphone that was lying on the chair and picked it up, clearing his throat.

 

“What what are you doing?” she asked as all eyes down below looked upon them.

 

“You’ll see,” he replied smiling. “Excuse me, everyone can I have your

attention. First of all I just want to congratulate the cast of Heat on a

successful few weeks of taping. My father Shawn, who plays David Shaw and my

girlfriend Marlena, who happens to play his daughter Alexia. Now I know some

of you don’t know me as anything more than Shawn’s son or Marlena’s boyfriend

but I have something very important to say that I wanted to share with all of

you. From the first time I saw Marlena, I fell in love with her. It was

actually a quick passing on the street, then one more time at a cafe, and

then one more time at the gym, until I finally got the nerves to talk to her.

And I just fell for her. In the past five and a half years, she has become

my angel so tonight in front of all her co stars, I have a little anouncement

to make.” Roman took a box out of his jacket pocket as gasps were heard

across the room. Roman kneeled down and opened the box, a shimmering,

diamond ring sparklingi n it’s place. “Marlena Evans, will you marry me?”

 

Tears ran down Marlena’s cheeks as she looked at Roman. She turned to look

at her group of co stars her eyes instantly stopping on John’s. She noticed

the glimmer of tears in his eyes, the pained expression on her face that she

knew all to well… the same expression she wore her entire sophomore year.

Maybe it was out of spite towards John or maybe it was because she really

loved Roman, as much as he loved her, as she answered his question.

 

“Yes, I’d love to marry you…” As he slipped the ring on her finger,

Marlena notcied the door to the ballroom swing open and John’s seat was empty.

Two months had passed, and a strong distance had grown between John and

Marlena. They only talked to each other when necessary, and only showed

emotions in their scenes. Those were some scenes though. It was almost as

if the words they couldn’t say to each other personally poured out on screen.

Everyone noticed it. The fans, the producers and executives. The

castmates. Everyone. The only ones who denied the overwhelming chemistry

were John and Marlena themselves. Although neither could say it, there was

something there. Something forbidden, something enticing, intriguing.

Something purely desirable. She might have been promised to another, and he

might have tried to accept it, but it was only a matter of time before those

hidden feelings would surface. And it might be sooner and stronger than

anyone had imagined.

 

“Tom, you wanted to see me?” Marlena asked, as she poked her head in through

his office door.

 

“Yea I did, actually. Please, come in,” he replied, as he motioned her

towards his desk.

 

“So, what’s up?” she asked, as she sat down smiling.

 

“Well, I have some good news for you. Actually for both you and John..”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“The two of you have been nominated for ‘Hottest Couple’ by Soap Opera

Digest, congratulations,” he reported, grinning at her. Marlena sat there

speechless by the words he’d just uttered.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Marlena, may I come in?”

 

“Yes, John.”

 

John Black walked slowly into her dressing room. He looked over to see her

gazing at her lines on the sofa. She was dressed plainly in a pair of flares

and a tank top, with her gorgeous curly hanging in her face. Even in her

everyday clothes, she was still the sexiest woman he’d ever seen. Back in

high school, he’d find himself staring at her, completely captivated by her

beauty. He never admitted to it though, he wasn’t strong enough. How could

he have told all the jocks he was in love with the little Sophomore actress

wannabe? Instead, he spent 4 of the worst years of his life with Gina Von

Amberg. Now, the ‘little sophomore actress wannabe’ was an up and coming

daytime diva, and he was nothing more than her current love interest. It was

almost ironic.

 

“Did you want something John?” Marlena asked, causing him to break from his

daze.

 

“Yes, I wanted to tell you how psyched I am about our nomination.”

 

“Yea, it’s surreal. To think, we were good enough to get a nomination for

h-” she stopped herself, unable to say her next words with his alluring blue

eyes staring her head on. Instead, she walked over to her vanity, and played

around with her make up.

 

“Hottest couple, Marlena”, he stated, as he turned around, and noticed her

watching him from the mirror.

 

“I am aware of what we’re nominated for John….” she retorted, as she

continued to distract herself with odds and ends placed before her.

 

“Then why couldn’t you say it?”

 

“Because I went blank for a moment, God! Do you *always* have to over

analyze *everything* I say?”

 

“Not everything. Just when I know you have deeper meaning behind it…”

 

“And what would that deeper meaning be, oh wise one?” she asked in a

condescending manner.

 

“You know Marlena…”

 

“No I don’t actually, why don’t you enlighten me, *John*,” she yelled as she

stood to face her, and crossed her arms over her chest

 

“You couldn’t say it because you *know* we were nominated so quickly because

what we have goes *beyond* that screen!”

 

“Dammit, I thought we’d gotten past this!” she screamed at him, as she moved

a few inches closer, and they now stood at an arms length. “I am promised to

Roman, John! I am completely and totally in love with him. We’re going to

be married! What you and I share is a great on screen chemistry. Nothing

more than that, *nothing*!”

 

She went to sit back down, when he reached out, and grabbed her forearm,

spinning her around to stare at him once more, he took hold of her other arm,

and held her tightly in his grasp.

 

“Let go of me!” she demanded, as she tried to get away, but he refused.

 

“Not until you can look into my eyes and tell me that you have no other

feelings for me other than *onscreen chemistry*!” he asked as his voice took

on a firm and deep tone.

 

Tears began to well up in her eyes.

 

“I-, I, I I…….I can’t” she whispered, as her tears began to fall.

 

Releasing his hands from her arms, he moved them to her face, wiping away

her tears with the pads of his thumb. He gazed into her hazel orbs

longingly. Moving his hands to brush the hair away from her face, and then

caressed her cheek. Slowly, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. He

began to kiss her slowly, moving his hands to her waist, and pulling her

closer towards him. Not being able to stand it any longer, she wrapped her

arms firmly around his neck, and began to kiss him back with all the hunger,

desire, and passion they’d been holding on to for far too long.

I Try~Macy Gray

Marlena pulled away quickly as she realized what exactly she was doing and
moved over to her couch, wiping her lips, almost as if she was trying to wipe
away the sin of kissing another man. She watched as John turned to her, his
blue eyes curious, filled with passion, desire and love.

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we’re not…

“I think you should leave,” Marlena whispered getting up to go to her vanity.
She picked up a tube of lipstick, more interested in adverting her eyes away
from John, then the glossy silver color that she held in her hands.

“Why, so you can deny your feelings some more?” he shot back. “We need to
talk about this and whether you want to or not is not the issue anymore.
Marlena, we’re great together, you know we are! Hell, every piece of fan
mail I have gotten since the show has started has said one thing!”

“And what’s that? That you’re an impossible human being?”

“Sorry darling I asked about *my* fanmail, not *yours!* Every letter I have
received has said one thing. And that one thing is ‘You and Marlena Evans
have some amazing chemistry. It’s almost as if you knew each other before
and dated…Marlena, we belong together, everyone sees it but you!!”

“But we’re not together okay? I’m engaged for Christ’s sake. Now please
leave.”

I play it off but I’m dreaming of you
I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feidin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near…

“No way. Not until you admit that you feel something.”

“Fine,” she screamed, slamming her dressing room door shut. “I go to sleep
at night and everything about you floods my mind. I sleep and dream I am
making love to you, I dream of our wedding, I even dream back to high school
and we are a couple. And then I wake up and it’s nothing more than a dream
because I have someone else in that bed! Someone who I love, but because you
had to barge back into my life, I am so confused that I feel like I am living
in a Goddamn soap opera! I star on one John, I don’t need my life to be one!”

“And this is easy for me?” he yelled back. To know at one point I could have
had you and now when I want you, I can’t!”

“And that’s my fault? I pined away for you for two years. I wasted my
sophomore and junior year hung up on a guy who never liked me as more than a
friend! And the night you left for college, I stood in my driveway and
cried! I couldn’t walk away because once I tried I almost fell down. Do you
even remember that night? I couldn’t even say goodbye I was crying so hard.
And I don’t even think you gave a damn!”

I may appear to be free
But I’m just a prisoner
Of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just out front
Just out front…

“Do you honestly think I didn’t give a damn? Marlena, I came over at the wee
hours of morning. I may have seemed to carefree in high school. I acted
like I didn’t need anyone as long as I had myself. But the truth is, for
those two years not only were you a prisoner of my love but I was a prisoner
of your love,” he said slowly, sitting down.

“Excuse me?” Marlena asked shocked, digesting what he had just told her. “If
you were a ‘prioress’ as you call it, why the hell did you never tell me?
You knew I loved you, I flaunted after you for God knows how long, so tell me
John, why keep it a secret?”

I play it off but I’m dreaming of you
I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feidin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near…

“Because I was scared… Marlena I was captain of the football team, captain
of the baseball team, I was homecoming King, Prom King, I couldn’t just date
a sophomore, you know that!”

“Do you know that comment actually makes me hate you?” she seethed through
her teeth. “So you’re saying your popularity was more important to you than
love?”

“It wasn’t so easy for me, you know,” he said defending himself. “I would
dream of you as well. And when I would see you, I would try to walk away but
I was to caught up in you to do it. There are times I would trip because I
was so involved at staring at you instead of walking where I was going!”

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can’t deny (deny)…

“And I’m supposed to want you now? I don’t think so!”

“Damn it, I’m saying this one last time and if you don’t want to acknowledge
it then fine but I love you. I love you now, I loved you then and even if I
was a selfish bastard back then, I have changed. But I can’t deny it
anymore, I love you and if I have to I’ll scream it to everyone can hear!”

I play it off but I’m dreaming of you (but I’m dreaming of you , babe)
I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feidin
I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear…

“What I want doesn’t matter anymore,” she whispered. “High school is over.
I’m engaged and Roman has always been there for me. And just because you
want me now doesn’t mean you can have me. Now I need to head home, please
leave.”

“Fine,”he muttered. He walked out of the room as Marlena broke down in tears
knowing he was right… she was denying what she truly wanted… and that was
him.

My world crumbles when you are not near…
“Welcome to the 16th Annual Soap Opera Digest Awards!” Drake Hogestyn

announced as he and Deidre Hall walked centerstage to the microphone.

 

“It’s going to be one *crazy* night!” Dee announced as she pushed her curls

away from her face.

 

“That’s right! Full of surprises!”

 

“Kind of like you having sex with Hope on our honeymoon?” Deidre asked, as

the crowd laughed.

 

“No, these will be good surprises that don’t result in pregnancy, or drug

people on to submarines against their own will, and in another state of mind.”

 

“You sure about that Drake, I mean we’re talking about people from *soaps*

here, anything can, and probably *will* happen.”

 

“That’s a fact! I mean in the last year, Timmy and Tabby joined the circus,

General Hospital lost to DAYS, we ran away as art thieves after remembering

both our pasts, and now, on Heat, Marlena Evans stars opposite John Black,

and have been nominated for hottest couple after less than 2 months!” Drake

announced, as he held two fingers up to the audience, and did his trademark

eyebrow arch.

 

“That’s some chemistry they got there!”

 

“Yea, there almost as good as us,” Drake replied, putting his hands in a

baseball swing motion, something he always did when he felt he was good at

something.

 

“No ones that good, baby! Anyway, to present out first award this evening,

we have two very special guests.”

 

“That’s right. They are your classic Pinocchio tale, with a twist. Timmy

started out as a doll, but Tabitha’s powers gave him life. Now, they work

together as Passions’ dynamic duo, wreaking havoc all over Harmony, but

taking time out to enjoy a good Martimmy. Haha, that’s funny,” Drake laughed

as Deidre looked at him like he was stupid.

 

“Please welcome from Passions Juliet Mills, and Josh Ryan Evans!”

 

“Wow Tabby, Timmy is very excited to be here, especially because we got to

see Deidre Hall! Timmy likes her, Tabby, she even has her Barbie Doll” he

said, as the audience roared with laughter,

 

“I liked her better possessed, but that’s not why we’re here right now.

We’re here to present the best award of the evening, Hottest Soap Couple!”

 

“Timmy likes this award, it has a lot of pretty girls in it, Tabby!”

 

“Right you are my dear, as well as handsome men! These three couples

practically melt the screen every afternoon. Their chemistry exceeds all

others, and they keep us tuned in and in awe from day to day.”

 

“Timmy agrees with Tabby, and now the nominees for hottest daytime couple.”

 

The audience watched the screen as a montage to “Smooth” by Santana plays,

and the love scenes pour onto the screen. All show intense passion, but for

some reason, those between John and Marlena stand out the most. There’s

something there that is lacking in the other. Something amazing, which makes

them incredible. Sitting across the table from one another, John and Marlena

send quick glances back and force, a strong tension still between them. They

continue to stare at each other through out the montages, even as she holds

on tightly to Roman’s hand, she can’t help but think back to their kiss, and

how it had ended. God if only things were different. But they weren’t.

This wasn’t High School anymore, and she had to accept that, or at least try

to.

 

The song ended, and the screen went blank as the audience cheered.

 

“The nominees are, from The Bold and The Beautiful, Ridge and Taylor, Ronn

Moss and Hunter Tylo. From General Hospital, Jax and Chloe, Ingo Radamacher

and Tava Smiley. And from heat Shane and Alexia, John Black and Marlena Evans

 

“And Timmy says the winner is…Shane and Alexia on Heat, John Black and

Marlena Evans!”

 

Both of them were shocked from the announcement, as the others stood up to

applaud, Roman leaned down to kiss her, as John came over and offered his

hand to hers as they walked up to the stage arm in arm. Stopping to kiss and

hug Juliet and Josh as each took their Soapy, as they walked over to the mic,

and John motioned for Marlena to speak first.

 

“Wow, this is unbelievable!” she said as she clutched the award to her

chest, and tears formed in her eyes. “I never thought I’d be up here right

now, but since I am, it feels pretty damn good,” she said as she held the

award out to glance it over in disbelief, and received a chuckle from the

audience. “First off, I want to thank my Mom and Dad for all their love and

support, I love you both so much and thank you. I want to thank my best

friend Laura for always being there, I love you, too. My wonderful agent,

Lexie Carver, and my producer Tom Horton, director Stefano DiMera, and head

writer, Victor Kiriakis, you are all *amazing*, and thanks to your hard work

I am up here. My co-stars, and crew, all your support means so much, and I

adore you all! Of course my leading man, John Black. I can’t say enough

about you,” she began, as she looked over towards him, and stared deeply into

his baby blue eyes. “Your talent is incredible and without you I wouldn’t be

here. You have a special place and my heart and thank you.” She paused for

several moments, her concentration lost in his gaze “Uhh, and the fans, this

is because of you, without you, we’re nothing, and you’re the greatest fans

on the planet. Last but *not* least my fiance, Roman Brady, who puts up with

me through everything, I love you, honey,” she said smiling as she blew him a

kiss. “Thank you all.”

 

As she walked away, as John stepped up to the mic.

 

“I think Marlena got just about everyone I wanted to thank, except Roman, he

isn’t my fiance,” he said as the crowd let out a laugh, “but I must also add

my best friend Bo Brady and no he is no way related to Marlena’s fiancee, he

is always there for me, and I love him like a brother. You’re the best man.

My Mom and Dad, thank you for everything and blessing me with life, I love

you dearly. Mr. DiMera, thank you for thinking I have ‘the look’. Tom

Horton, and Vic Kiriakis, the dynamic duo, you make our scenes come to life,

and I thank you also. The fans, you’re amazing, and this is for you. And of

course Marlena. The most gorgeous, talented young actress on daytime, and I

am lucky enough to star opposite her. I have to be the luckiest man alive

for that in itself. You’ll never know what you mean to me. Thank you.”

 

With that, they walked off stage to the press room, leaving a very jealous

Roman alone in his seat, having doubts that those speeches they’d just made

went far beyond any admiration for co-workers and was beginning to cross the

line between business and pleasure. Getting up from his seat, he headed to

the press room to meet Marlena, he wanted answers, and he wanted them now.

Marlena and Roman walked into their apartment after partying for what seemed

like endless hours. She threw her shoes off and sat down on the couch, her

lavender ballgown, flowing to the ground. Roman began to walk into the

kitchen without saying a word until Marlena got up and stopped him.

 

“Okay, spill it, what’s wrong with you? You have barely spoken to me all

night ever since I won the award. I thought you’d be happy for me,” she said

quietly as she brought him over to the couch with her.

 

“Marlena, it’s not that. You know I’m happy for you.”

 

“So what is?” she shot back, so frustrated with everyone and everything. The

whole night John and herself had exchanged looks… looks of passion, of

hatred, of tension and she was so sick and tired of all the men in her life.

 

“Fine, you want to know? What the *hell* was your speech about? You spent

like 10 Goddamn minutes talking about how amazing John was and I got one

measly second. Not to mention, he seemed mighty affectionate when it came to

you two in his speech. So what is up with you two? Do you love him?”

 

Marlena got up and paced the room, biting down on her lower lip to keep from

screaming. “Why is it that men assume things when they don’t have a damn

clue what the hell they are talking about! Whether John loves me is not the

issue, the issue here is you don’t trust me!”

 

“Should I?” he retorted getting up. “I mean I saw the looks tonight, I saw

the way you walked gracefully up there with him on your arm. You’re not that

great of an actress Marlena.”

 

“You inconsiderate bastard,” she screamed slapping him. “You have some nerve

to even acuse me of this, not to mention where do you get off insulting my

acting career. Sorry *darling* but if I’m not mistaken I won that award

tonight.”

 

“I wonder why,” he mumbled under his breath.

 

“Excuse me?” she asked. “With all that mumbling I didn’t hear what you said.”

 

“I said I wonder why you won. Damn it, just admit you love him,” Roman

yelled.

 

“The only thing I’m going to admit right now is how much I despise you at the

moment. When you get over this damn jealously give me a call, until then,

don’t speak to me,” she yelled grabbing her bag and slamming the front door

shut.

 

                                       ****

I could lose my heart tonight

If you don’t turn and walk away

‘Cause the way I feel I might

Lose control and let you stay

 

“Marlena….” John said groggily, as he opened his penthouse door, dressed

only in his boxers and a T-shirt to see his costar standing before him, still

in her awards gown. Her hair was a mess, her mascara was running, and tears

streamed from her eyes as she threw her head in his chest and sobbed.

 

“I got into a fight with Roman,” she wept, as she felt his arms instinctively

wrap around her waist.

 

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart, but why of all places, would you come to me? I

figured I’d be the last one you’d want to see after a fight with Roman.”

 

Marlena pulled away to look up at him with her glistening hazel orbs, as her

voice dropped to a low and raspy tone.

 

“You know why I am here John, you’ve always known I’d come here.”

 

‘Cause I could take in my arms

And never let go

 

“What are you saying?” he asked curiously, as he arched his eyebrow and

removed his hands from her waist.

 

“I’m saying I can’t hide it anymore,” she admitted, as she wiped the tears

from her face. “Dammit, that’s bull, I don’t even *want* to hide it anymore

John! I had a fight with Roman because he is starting to see what everyone

else saw, and what *we* feel. It’s surfaced John, and there’s no point in

trying to deny it anymore, so I think it’s time we took your advice, and

started getting…’real’,” she replied, her voice dropping to a whisper, as

she inched closer towards him, and leaned up to place a passinate kiss on his

lips.

 

Shocked for a moment, John once again wrapped his arms around her waist, and

pulled her towards him to deepen the kiss, their tongues colliding feverishly

with a hunger for one another. In one swoop, he gathered her in his arms,

and headed towards the bedroom.

 

I could fall in love with you

I could fall in love with you

 

Placing her down gently on the bed, he took several moments to drink in her

beauty. This moment seemed surreal to him. Marlena Evans, the girl of his

dreams was right in front of her face, and after all these years, she still

wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her. Caressing her face gently, he

tucked her curly tresses behind her eyes, and leaned in to kiss her once more.

 

I can only wonder how

Touching you would make me feel

But if I take that chance right now

Tomorrow will you want me still

 

When the kiss broke, he got up for a moment, smiling as he walked across the

room, it was now Marlena’s turn to be in awe of him. Just the way he carried

himself was sexy. He walked with such assurity and suaveness, you couldn’t

help but find him attractive. Even in pajamas, you could see his extrodinary

muscle tone. He was built like a Greek god, and that wasn’t even his

greatest characteristic. The most amazing feature was his eyes. Blue like

the sky, deep like the sea, innocent like a child. They were incredible. To

stare into them was like to enter a whole other world. Mysterious, new,

forbidden, and intriguing. Something about them only made him all the more

desirable to her.

 

Watching as he turned on the stereo and the sounds that flooded the room

seemed so fitting for the occasion.

 

So I should keep this to myself

And never let you know

 

“We’ve waited a long time,” he whispered, as he walked back, and sat beside

her on the bed.

 

“Too long,” she replied smiling, as she ran her fingers delicately through

his hair.

 

“I can’t believe we’re finally together. It seems so…surreal…”

 

“No,” she told him as she shook her head. “Not anymore it isn’t, it’s *very*

real now.”

 

“That’s a fact,” he said grinning wickedly, as he pressed his mouth to hers,

for a sweet and tender kiss, before breaking away and lifting her hands to

his lips and kissing them softly.

 

“I love you, Marlena. I always have, and I always will.”

 

I could fall in love with you

I could fall in love with you

And I know it’s not right

And I guess I should try to do what I should do

But I could fall in love, fall in love with you

I could fall in love with you

 

“And I love you, so…”

 

Tears streamed down her face for the second time that evening, only now, they

were happy tears. She smiled at him, and that was enough to instantaneously

melt his heart, and warm his soul.

 

So I should keep this to myself

And never let you know

 

“I don’t want you to regret this, Marlena…”

 

“The *only* thing I regret is that I didn’t tell you sooner. That *we*

didn’t tell each other sooner. But that’s over now and all I want to do it

be with you. Only you. Us.”

 

“And I want what makes *you * happy,” he admitted to her wholeheartidly.

 

Placing her hands on either side of his face, she glared at him in awe.

“*You* make me happy.”

 

“That’s all I needed to here,” he whispered, as he leaned them back onto the

bed, as they began to kiss once more.

 

I could fall in love with you

I could fall in love with you

I could fall in love with you

I could fall in love with you

 

“Hello?” a groggy Marlena Evans called into her phone with a low and raspy

tone. Having just been awaken from an absolutely yummy dream about John, she

was not thinking clearly, until the voice on the other end replied, and she

suddenly shot back to reality.

 

“Marlena, it’s John, I need to see you….now”

 

I could fall in love, I could fall in love

With you…

Marlena pulled her BMW convertable up to John’s apartment and turned off the

ignition. Memories of her dreams still haunted her. She could still feel

John’s hot sweet breath against her neck, the smell of his Coolwater cologne

invading her senses and the way he looked in a pair of black silk boxers.

She opened the car door and walked to the elevators, feeling the slightest

bit dizzy. She inhaled deeply as the elevator landed just outside John’s

door. She leaned her head against the cool wood for just a moment before

knocking as quietly as she could. Within seconds, John opened the door, in

navy blue silk pajamas with a Salem High T Shirt over his chest. Marlena

laughed, walking into the apartment, inhaling what smelled like movie popcorn.

 

“Trying to bring me down memory lane, Black?” Marlena laughed as she made

herself comfortable on his living room couch.

 

John looked down at his shirt and laughed, moving to sit next to her. “Nah,

just brings me back to the good ole days. Look, when I got home tonight I

kept thinking about the way things have been in the past weeks between us and

I wanted to apologize. I totally respect the fact you’re with Roman and I’m

sorry I ever tried to convince you that you had feelings for me when you

don’t,” he said wholeheartedly.

 

“I understand. I mean we have a past John, we’ve been through a lot

together, we’ve seen each others bad days, good days, each other mistakes…”

 

“Yeah like how for acting class you had to pretend to be a cheerleader and

you came to our state football game, just to observe them and ended up

falling in a pool of mud, when Gina tried to teach you a cheer,” John

laughed.   

 

“Hey,” she giggled. “It was very complex and besides I had a hot date the

night before…”

 

“Ah yes, with Ryan ‘Aren’t I the coolest guy in the world, I wear my pants up

to my shoulders and look like Steve Urkel’ Nyman,” John joked.

 

“Well hey at least I didn’t date Gina ‘Oh my God call 911, my nail broke!’

Von Amburg.”

 

“Ok, ok, you got me there. But you have to admit, she had such a nice rack.”

 

Marlena laughed and hit his arm. “You are such a pervert! And I can assure

you, I never looked at her ‘rack’, as you men call it. But man, if her shoes

got any higher I thought she would triumph over Shaq. I can’t believe you

dated her.”

 

“I had to,” John reasoned. “Caption of the football team and head

cheerleader, whether I wanted to or not didn’t matter. It was set.”

 

“And did you want to?” she asked quietly.

 

“Well she was no you,” he replied honestly. “Gina and I were best friends,

in many ways it wasn’t our choice to date. Sure we loved each other, but the

love we had was different that what everyone thought. When people heard the

names John Black and Gina Von Amberg, they automatically thought of Salem’s

most in love couple, most popular couple. But when we thought of ourselves

as that, we laughed. Because we were never that. Honestly in the four years

we dated we never had sex. We couldn’t, because we weren’t in love and we

tried to make ourselves fall in love because everyone thought we were. But

Gina loved Bo… and I… well I loved you,” John stated, looking into her

hazel orbs. “And only I knew about Bo and only she knew about you.”

 

“So why did you never say anything to me or Bo? I don’t think I’ll ever

understand that, if you loved me, if you and Gina never loved each other, why

play it off for four years? Didn’t you ever see Can’t Buy Me Love? You fake

an arguement, anything to make people think you were over. I just don’t see

how you can let your popularity take over what you really wanted when it came

to love,” she reasoned, trying to understand him.

 

“I honestly don’t know. I mean, popularity may not have meant a lot to you,

but to us, it was like we had to do what other people wanted. I know it

doesn’t make sense, I understand now how wrong we were and I wanted to

apologize. I never meant to hurt you, you have to believe me,” he pleaded.

“I never meant to be dishonest.”

 

“I know. And now it’s my time to tell the truth. John, Roman and I had a

huge fight tonight. He’s jealous of you and I and I couldn’t take the

arguing and so I walked out on him. And I don’t know,” she stated, getting

up to pace, “Maybe he’s right. Well no, I *know* he’s right. I love you.

Hell, I have since I was 15 and I never stopped. I denied it because I had

to, because I was involved and then engaged. And I’m sorry I lied to you

about that. But the thing is… I love Roman as well. I don’t know if what

I feel for you is in the past and now that you want me, I want to live out my

teenage dreams or if what I feel is now in the present.”

 

“Well why don’t we see,” he whispered walking up to her and placing his right

hand on her cheek. He felt her face for only a moment and kissed her lips

softly, the kiss deepening as seconds past. The sound of Marlena’s cell

phone alarmed the both of them and Marlena winced picking it up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Mar, we need to talk, please,” Roman pleaded through the phone as Marlena’s

heart tore in half for two men… one of the past, one of the present… and

the choice of one for her future.

“Please meet me back here,” Roman pleaded as Marlena’s eyes stayed firmly

locked with John’s.   Her heart was telling her to stay with the man she’d

always loved, yet her mind told her to leave for the man that had always

loved her back, no matter what the circumstances. John watched her

attentively, as she tried to make up her mind.

 

“Marlena? Are you there?” Roman called into the phone.

 

“Yes I am here…”

 

“Are you alone?” he asked curiously, sensing that she just might be with the

one person who’d turned things upside down for them, after only reentering

the scene two months prior.

 

“No…”

 

“Are you with *him*?”

 

“Roman, pl-“

 

“Are you Marlena?” he asked once more, his tone more firm this time.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well then, I guess there’s nothing for us to talk about then. I hope you

two have a very nice life together. Good-bye Mar, and congratulations on

your win. You sure were one hell of an actress to pretend to be madly in

love with me over the last five years,” he yelled.

 

“Roman, please don’t-” Marlena pleaded into the phone, but realized her

cries had fallen on deaf ears when she heard the sound of the dial tone

coming from the other end.

 

“Dammit! I have to talk to him!” she exclaimed, as she reached for her

purse, and headed towards the door.

 

“Wait a minute, you’re leaving me for him after you just admitted to me how

you really feel?” He called out, as she turned back around to face him, and

saw the hurt in his eyes.

 

“John you don’t understand. I can’t hurt him, I love him too much for

that…”

 

“But it’s okay to hurt me?” he asked as he moved closer towards her.

 

“For God’s sake, that’s *not* what I meant. I love you, too, dammit, but

think about it from *my* point of view right now. Roman has always been

there for me. Popularity or No popularity, hit show or no show. He has

never been ashamed or embarassed to admit he loves me, and now I have just

*ripped* his heart out. I can’t sit here and be with you when I know that he

is hurting right now!” she screamed, completely frustrated from being in the

middle of this tug of war between the two men she loved most in the world.

 

“But what about *my* heart, huh? Was that ever held in to consideration!”

 

“No you selfish bastard, the same as mine wasn’t when you, the most popular

guy in Salem High, didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I was alive, let

alone head over heels in love with you in High School!” she screamed, as

tears streamed down her face

 

“Dammit! I thought we had gotten pass that! I told you I was sorry, and I

know now that what I did for my own reputation was the *biggest* mistake I’d

ever made because it caused me to deny my love for you. Now, when we are

both open about it, it’s getting torn away again, and it kills me to think

our chance at happiness might have been missed because of my own stupidity!”

 

Her heart broke as she watched the tears from in his crystal blue orbs. He

was like a sad puppy, she couldn’t help but want to console and care for him.

 

“John, if it was another time and under different circumstances…” she said

wholeheartedly, as she continued to weep, and placed a comforting hand on his

shoulder. He shook his head, and lifted her arm away gently.

 

“Yea, you and me both, but it’s not.” Walking to the door, he held it open,

as he wiped his own tears away with the back of his hands. “Go ahead. You

were right. He always loved you. Which is more than I can say for me.”

 

Marlena just stood there and watched him for several moments. She then

finally headed towards the door, stopping where he was to caress his cheek

lightly. She leaned up slowly to place a tender kiss on his lips, and when

she got no response, she pulled back and walked away, not only from the room,

but from the man who had been her past, who she wanted for the present, and

her hope for the future.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Hello?” an extremely exhausted John Black called into this cell phone,

hoping deep down that it was Marlena calling to say she’d changed her mind.

Even though it might not have been the pleasant surprise he hoped for, he was

about to get the shock of his life.

 

“John Black?”

 

“Speaking.”

 

“Oh my, it’s been so long. It’s Victoria Post. I heard all about your new

show and win. I couldn’t resist calling up to congratulate my college

Sweetheart…”

Marlena stood outside her and Roman’s apartment door not ready to face him.

It was supposed to be the happiest night of her life… her dream of winning

a Soap Opera Digest finally happened, she was engaged to the love of her

life… but not only had things gone wrong but they had spun so far out of

control she felt as if she was falling. She looked at her watch and saw it

was six in the morning.

 

“Thank God, I don’t have work today,” she muttered as she inhaled deeply and

opened the unlocked the front door, tripping over a few boxes. “What the

hell,” she said a loud as she kicked the box out of the way to get a better

look at the apartment. Clothes were strewn across the floor, boxes piling

high on top of each other.

 

Roman walked out of their bedroom carrying a stack of china. “This is the

last stack of dishes. Everything we recieved so far as engagement gifts are

tagged on the dining room table and I guess we’ll just make an anouncement

the engagement is off,” Roman said cooly, packing a baseball bat into his

duffel bag.

 

“Wh…What? I don’t want this to be over,” Marlena stuttered as she felt

warm plus tears, melt down her cheeks.

 

“It’s not your choice anymore. It stopped being your choice once you hopped

into bed with Johnny Boy…”

 

Marlena let out a scream which vibrated the whole apartment. “Tell me

something… why does everyone in your line of ‘species’ assume everything so

damn quickly. What makes you think I slept with John? I mean is my dress

crumbled or put on wrong? Do I have ‘whore’ written across my forehead. I

mean really what is it, because I haven’t the faintest idea,” she yelled

throwing herself onto an open space on the floor.

 

“Maybe the fact that when I called you, you were there and that you were

there for nearly five hours.”

 

“And that automatically means we slept together? Where the hell did you

learn about girls? The back of a cereal box?” she shot at him. “It’s called

talking Roman. John called my cell phone and it sounded important so I went

over to his apartment. We spoke about the past. Roman please… I love

you… I came running after you, if I didn’t want you, I would have stayed

with John, but damn it Roman I love you! Please, please don’t leave me,” she

begged as tears metled on her cheeks.

 

Roman looked her over and knelt down to her, wrapping his arms strongly

around her. “Shh,” he whispered. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you too,

Marlena.” he kissed her forehead and then her lips softly, feeling as she

exhaled with relief.

 

                                       ********

John sat up in bed amazed to hear Victoria’s voice. The had broken up a few

days before college ended due to the fact he was moving to California and she

was moving to New York to work for the New York Post. Victoria had been his

first true love that he had ever opened up to. She made him become who he

had always wanted to be but never was.

 

“Wow, Vic, how are you sweetie?” he asked.

 

“I’ve been good. I’m actually living in LA now. I just moved here.”

 

“What happened to The Post?”

 

“They transferred me to the LA Times. New York was getting a little to cold

for me anyway,” she laughed. “I would ask how you were, but I don’t think

that’s nessicary.”

 

“Actually not great. It’s pretty lonely here. Bo and Hope just moved into a

little apartment in Burbank, so I’m basically alone,” he replied sadly.

 

“Listen do you want to grab a cup of coffee? I mean if you don’t have plans

or work or something…”

 

“Vic, it’s six in the morning, believe me, I have no plans,” he laughed.

“And actually no work today. We got off for good behavior. I’d really love

to see you,” he said wholeheartidly. “How about we meet on Rodeo in about 20

minutes? There’s this little cafe called Pre Brew Aroma, is that okay?”

 

“Sure it sounds great, I’ll see you then.”

 

                                   *********

 

John walked inside the cafe, scanning for Victoria. He spotted her sitting

at a small table, reading the morning’s paper. She hadn’t changed much in

the past years, she still had the same long flowing dirty blonde hair, and

her brown eyes were like a sea of chocolate. He always knew how to get lost

in them…get lost in her.

 

“Victoria Post…hello beautiful,” John said walking up to the table.

 

She looked up and smiled. “You don’t look so bad yourself hotty,” she joked

as she got up to hug him. They both sat down and Victoria looked into John’s

heavenly blue eyes. “So tell me gorgeous, I know you’re working with

Marlena…what’s going on between you two…”

 

John inahled and then exhaled slowly shaking his head. “Vic, I feel like I

am going to breakdown…”

 

                                   ************

 

“I hate coffee,” Roman whined as Marlena dragged him to Pre Brew Aroma. “We

should have stayed in bed, I liked it better in there,” he laughed kissing

Marlena’s neck.

 

“Stop that,” she giggled and tried to fight herself away from him. “Come on,

I’ll tell them to make you their speciality. Even Oscar the Grouch would

like this stuff.”

 

“Are you calling me Oscar?”

 

“Yes,” she smiled, “Now let’s go.” She opened the door to the cafe and felt

as her heart broke. John sat with another woman, laughing, holding her hand,

from across the table. She felt as tears started to brim in her eyes and

turned towards the door. “Actually Roman, you’re right. I hate coffee as

well.” She grabbed Roman’s hand and walked out of there as John’s eyes moved

to the window to see a blonde passing by…with another man.

Marlena sat in her dressing room going over lines when she heard her door

open.

 

“So you got back with Roman? How nice,” John sneered as he leaned up against

her doorway.

 

Marlena looked up and rolled her eyes at him, looking back down at her

script. “Go away,” she muttered. “It’s bad enough I have to tape a love

scene with you in 15 minutes. Ooh and since we’re on the subject of getting

back together…I saw you all cozy with Victoria in that little cafe,”

Marlena said bitterly as put the script down next to her.

 

“How do you know who she is?”

 

“Bo stopped by to see me earlier…you know to catch up on old times

considering what a close bond we had in high school,” Marlena said

sarcastically. “So what is this John? Middle school? You had to send your

little buddy over so he could tell me how much I hurt you when I went back

with my *fiancee.* Yes, I can see the hurt, I guess hooking up with your old

girlfriend really helps.”

 

“First of all you know nothing about my relationship with Victoria…”

 

“Really?” she interrupted. “You met freshman year of college. Her older

brother was your fraternity brother and he thought maybe you two would get

along great so he set you up. You almost got engaged your junior year in

college but your mother’s dying wish was to wait until you knew for sure it

was the right time. You both realized no matter how much you loved each

other the time wasn’t right but stayed together until you decided to come to

LA and she was set to move to New York to write for The Post. So don’t tell

me, I don’t know anything about your relationship with her,” Marlena

retorted.

 

“I’m assuming Bo told you all that…but does it matter if I am with her?

You and Roman are oh so happy.”

 

“Why do we keep going through the same thing. Damn it, just stay out of my

life. Not every co star gets along with each other and as long as we can act

on stage, I don’t give a damn if we never speak to each other when it comes

to anything but the script or this job. I can’t believe I ever loved someone

who was so self centered, who was to big of a coward to admit he liked a girl

because he was worried his popularity would suffer…”

 

“I’m self centered?” he shot back as he moved to her vanity chair. “You

shove men in every direction…you flash that perfect, pearly smile, you

twirl your blonde hair which may as well be as golden as the sun because it

shines like there is no tomorrow, and your eyes…you have to bring men in

with those glittering hazel orbs.”

 

“Geez John, try to keep what you want under control,” she said, smiling

slyly. “And I do not shove men in every direction. You have been taking

advantage of me ever since this job started…”

 

“Advantage?” he yelled. “How in God’s name have I done that?”

 

“By everything you say to me! Stop complimenting me, stop calling me, stop

telling me you love me and regret we were never together… if that is

anyones fault it’s *yours.* You missed out on the best thing you ever could

have had because you cared more about your reputation. In fact, I hate you

for that…I really hate you…” she screamed as she felt tears build up.

She curled up on the couch, feeling as her blonde curls fell over her face.

Before John could have to chance for rebuttle Stefano walked in, knocking

lightly on the door.

 

“Good, I’m glad you’re both here…I’m afraid I have some bad news,” Stefano

said as he gripped onto the door handle.

 

Marlena sat up and glanced at him trying to read his expression. “Stef, what

is it? Is everything all right?”

 

“I’m afraid not. Marlena, John…Tom passed away last night…the doctor

said while he was asleep, he went into caridac arrest. By the time Alice

found him this morning, he was already gone…I’m sorry.”

 

“Nooooo,” Marlena screamed as she broke down in tears, feeling as John’s

strong arms held her and she sunk into his embrace, tears streaming down her

cheeks.”Alice, honey, is there anything I can do for you before I leave?” Marlena

asked the grieving widow wholeheartedly, as she sat down beside her, and

placed an arm on her shoulder. It had been such a long and devasting Monday

morning when they buried Tom Horton. The rain poured down and the wind blew

softly, and loved ones gathered to mourn the loss of a great man. Everyone

was taking the ordeal badly, but none more than Alice Horton, who’d just lost

the love of her life.

 

“No, Sweetie. You can’t bring him back, that’s the only thing that could

possibly make me better right now,” she replied, as she gazed in deep through

bloodshot eyes and a beat red face.

 

“It will be okay” Marlena whispered, as tears formed in her eyes once more,

and she leaned over to kiss Alice’s forehead lovingly “I’ll come back

tomorrow to see how you are. Please just try to get a good nights sleep.”

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Need a ride?”

 

A familiar voice called just as Marlena pulled the hood of her jacket over

her head to shield the ran. She looked up to see John sitting there in his

Ford Explorer, his eyes looked so heavy and red from crying, she’d never

realized just how much Tom meant to both of them. Just another bond in their

already tangled relationship. As much as she fought to say no, she couldn’t

resist his offer. The tension between them was thick as of late, but it just

seemed that today, they needed to be together. Might it have been for

comfort, consoling, or just a chance to be close, she didn’t want to give up

the oppotunity. Nodding her head, and smiling, she walked swiftly over to

the passenger side, and sat down, turning to thank him, their eyes met for a

gaze that seemed to last forever, until finally, John spoke.

 

“Where do we go from here?”

 

“Home” Marlena said as she let out an uneasy chuckle, then began to twiddle

her thumbs as a distraction. Seeing her obvious avoidance, John took the

iniative, and placed his hand under her chin, bringing her face to meet his

own once more, as a chill ran up her spine, and tears formed in her hazel orbs

 

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it…”

Marlena looked out the window, rain pouring from the heavens. Lightning

striked in the distance as thunder boomed forcefully from above. She watched

as the rain streaked down the windows creating water rings. “John, please

now is not the time…I want to be with you right now, I *need* to be with

you right now…no one knows how much Tom meant to me…that is except for

you but please…”

 

John held up his right hand as he still kept his left firmly on the steering

wheel. “I know, don’t worry about it. So where do you want to go? Our

options are somewhat limited considering the rain but…”

 

“The beach,” Marlena said softly, turning back to the window.

 

“Marlena, there’s a turrential downpour out there, we can’t just sit out on

the beach and…”

 

“Please,” she said turning to him, tears streaming from her eyes. “When I

first moved to California, I was alone…I didn’t know where anything was, so

I just took my car and I started to drive…I guess I drove to far and I

ended up near Pepperdine Universtiy. I tried to find my way back to Los

Angeles, but I came across Malibu Beach and I was just mezmorized. It was

about 7 at night and the sun was setting…these amazing colors of orange,

purple, red…they all were mixed into one color, I just sat out there for

hours, feeling as the waves crashed onto my feet and I knew that I’d be okay.

It was so peaceful and I knew if I ever needed comfort all I had to do was

go there and I’d be at ease. I know it’s raining but I really need to find

that peace right now…”

 

John smiled and stroked her hair with his free hand, keeping his eyes focused

on the road. “Malibu Beach it is,” he replied turning the car around.

           *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

John and Marlena sat silently on the wet sand, rain poruing heavily onto both

of them. The waves crashed against the already moist shore, splashing the

tips of their feet. John wanted to speak…wanted to tell her he’d be there

for her when she needed it, that he’d be there to hold her and comfort her

when she cried but she looked so peaceful…her blonde hair was nearly

touching the sand, the ends curling up from the rain. Her head sat between

her legs, her breathing even, matching the rhythmetic sounds of the rain. He

placed his hand over her back, rubbing it softly, trying to sooth her.   She

looked up, her cheeks streaked with black mascara, her eyes, red and puffy.

She looked him in the eyes, her hazel eyes shimmering with tears.

 

“You can leave if you want…I’d understand…”

 

“Sweetie, I’m not going to believe you…listen I know we’ve had our problems

but you’re still my best friend so do you want to talk about it?”

 

“I don’t know what I feel,” she replied turning to him. “I mean Tom seemed

so healthy and then all of a sudden one day he is just gone! It scares me

that one day, you can have everything and the next it can all be gone…John,

I need to tell you something. I mean all of this has made me realize a

lot…like you shouldn’t deny anything because you never know what is right

around the corner. After Tom died I only wanted one person to hold me in

their arms…and that person wasn’t Roman…it was you John. God, I am

falling into a web which I hate…I suddenly lost all control of my life but

the one thing I will always remember my mother telling me is that when you’re

in love, when you found the man you were meant to spent eternity with you

have no control…you just have love. And that is what I have…I love you

John Black, I know now I always will,” Marlena whispered, tears falling from

her eyes.

 

“I love you too, and I’m not letting you go this time,” he said, moving his

lips to hers, as they met in a soft kiss.

It was that moment, that kiss, that second when time stopped for everyone but

them did they realize, they couldn’t fight it anymore. They, walked further

along the beach, just as dusk was falling upon the horizon, and at any

second, the sun would splash into the water. The rain had ceased, and the

slightest breeze echoed through the sky, and down the coast.   The recent

storm had left the surf abandoned, and John and Marlena had a little piece of

paradise all for themselves.

 

Tonight you’re mine completely

You give your love so sweetly

Tonight the light of love is in your eyes

But will you love me tomorrow?

 

“This is like heaven,” Marlena said, as she folded her arms across her

chest, and walked towards the water, her curly tresses blowing in her face.

 

“You’re telling me. I’m the one staring at an angel,” John said from behind

her, as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, and began to nuzzle her

neck.

 

“I don’t know how I ever resisted you,” Marlena said smiling, as she

turned around to face him, and placed a hand on either side of his face. “I

love you John Black. I have loved you since my first day sophomore year,

when you pulled your T-Bird into the parking lot, and helped me pick up the

box I’d dropped after some senior ran into me on purpose. You smiled at me

with those gorgeous baby blues, and I lost my heart. Now, all these years

later, you still have it, and you always will.”

 

“And you’ve had mine from that exact same day. When I finished helping you,

you started to walk away, but stopped, and flashed me the biggest, brightest,

most gorgeous smile I’d ever seen. You brushed your hair away from your face

and your eyes lit up, and all you said was thank you. Those two little

words made me turn to mush. After that, I knew I loved you, and yet, I hid

it for my own reputation, and that’s the biggest regret of my life,” John

said admiringly, as he looked down towards the sand in shame.

 

“Hey, look at me,” she demanded, as she lifted his face to hers once more,

“we both made mistakes, but that’s in the past and it doesn’t matter now.

What matters is you and me, and the love we share, that we’re going to share.”

 

Is this a lasting treasure

Or just a moment’s pleasure?

Can I believe the magic of your sighs?

Will you still love me tomorrow?

 

With that, he smiled back at her as he leaned down to place a soft, and

tender kiss upon her lips. After several minutes, he broke away, and took

time to admire her beauty. She was gorgeous. Her fair skin, her golden

hair, her captivating eyes, that bright smile, everything. He moved his hand

to her face, and drew an outline of her lips, and then down her neck, as he

leaned in to kiss her once more, slowly lowering them to the sand.

 

Tonight with words unspoken

You say that I’m the only one

But will my heart be broken

When the night meets the morning sun?

 

“Are you sure about this? I don’t want you to have any regrets?” John asked

wholeheartedly, as he looked down on Marlena, and brushed her hair from her

face slowly, and tenderly.

 

She smiled up at him and nodded.

 

“The only thing I regret is that we have lost so much time. I really want

to be with you. I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too” he whispered, as he leaned down to kiss her once more, and

the breeze continued to blow across the beach, and the only 2 people that

existed on earth were John and Marlena.

 

I’d like to know that your love

Is love I can be sure of

So tell me now, and I won’t ask again

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Will you still love me tomorrow?

 

Afterwards, they laid in each others arms, as they listened to the waves

crash against the surf. John placed light kisses on her forehead as she

rested her head contentedly on his shoulder. No words to be spoken, their

love saying all that needed to be said.   They were enjoying these stolen

moments of tranquility together, until the sounds of a ringing cell phone

brought them back down to earth from their little trip to heaven and back.

 

“Hello?” John asked as he reached for the phone out of his pants pocket.

 

“John! So glad I could reach you. I tried to call Marlena’s but there was

no answer. I wanted to be the first to congratulate you both on Younger

Actor and Actress Emmy nominations,” Stefano DiMera exclaimed through the

other line.

 

“Wow, I am shocked. Thanks for the news, I will be sure to tell Marlena

when I hear from her next. Bye.”

 

“Who was that?” Marlena asked as she propped herself up on one elbow.

 

“Stefano. You’re not gonna believe this, but we’ve just been nominated for

Emmy’s.”

 

“Oh my God,” Marlena said stunned.

 

“My thoughts exactly. See what you miss when you take a few moments to enjoy

yourself,” he said as he grinned seductively, and then moved in to kiss her

neck. They sat silently for a moment as Marlena had just realized what she

had done. She took advantage of Roman being in New York on a case, she took

advantage of the fact they were both mourning a dear friend…she felt as

tears started to run down her cheeks and wiped them quickly.

 

“John…Oh my God. What have we done?”

 

“A good acting job. That’s usually how you get a nomination, Sweetheart,”

he said laughing.

 

“No I mean here….this.”

 

“We did we’ve been wanting to do for a long time.”

 

“No. This was wrong.”

 

“You didn’t think it was so wrong less than an hour ago.”

 

“I was distraught, this whole mess with Tom, mis conjumbled feelings,” she

said nervously as she fumbled to get all her things in order.

 

“Dammit, are you telling me what you said to me earlier you didn’t mean?”

 

“No I am telling you what we did, it can’t happen again. It’s best that it

doesn’t.”

 

“Best for who?”

 

“The people we love.”

 

“I love you, and you love me, doesn’t that mean anything?” He asked as he

watched her put on the last of her clothing.

 

“Yes, no, I don’t know!” she watched as he got up, to get dressed. His face

had dropped from it’s vibrant, handsome demeanor a short while ago. “John,

this isn’t about you, it’s about everything standing in our way.”

 

“No, Marlena. If what we had was real, than nothing would stand in our way.

There’d be no obstacles,” he said angrily, as he slipped his shirt on, and

grabbed his keys. “Come on, I’ll take you home to your fiancee, you and him

have a nomination to celebrate.”

 

“That isn’t fair John…”

 

“And neither is what you’re doing to me,” he said coldly, “but then again,

whoever said life was fair?”

 

Will you still love me tomorrow……..

Marlena walked in the door throwing her bag onto the floor. The lights were

off, making the apartment seem empty and cold. Roman had been gone for

almost two weeks now and probably wouldn’t be back for another month or so.

She saw the red light blinking on the machine and threw herself onto the

couch, hitting the play button.

 

“Hey Mar, it’s me,” Roman’s voice boomed in through the small machine. “New

York is pretty lonely without you here, I miss you so much. I wish you had a

couple of weeks off of work so you could come and be with me but I know you

have scenes to tape. Anyway I just wanted to let you know I love you dearly

and I am thinking of you. Bye sweetie.”

 

Marlena heard as he hung up the phone and felt as warm plush tears started to

make their way down her cheek. Her heart throbbed with pain as she realized

she had once again hurt the two men she loved most in the world. She had

betrayed Roman, while he was working across the country and had broken John’s

heart for what seemed like the fiftieth time by promising to be his and

running out. She walked into her bedroom throwing on a LAPD t-shirt and a

pair of silk boxers, moving to the window. She watched as the stars twinkled

above and noticed them getting blurrier each time a new tear fell.

 

           ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

John sat on his bed, watching the state football game from his senior year of

high school. Bo had promised to tape it for him but when John had actually

went to watch it the tape was more of Gina then John…but Marlena was also

on that tape, trying to learn a cheer so she could portray a cheerleader for

her audition for the play. He watched as her long curly hair bounced up and

down as she tried to complete a split in the air, only magaging to fall onto

her butt.

 

“Come on, Marlena,” Gina laughed as she helped Marlena up, “I swear it isn’t

hard. Just when you jump up, touch the tips of your toes.”

 

“Gina, did I ever tell you I hate cheerleading,” Marlena replied. “I mean

how do you find this stimulating? Not to mention it’s about 30 degrees out

and you all jump around in skirts which are shorter than any male’s

haircut…I’ll never understand it.”

 

John laughed and felt as tears started to brim in his eyes. He wanted to

hate her, to scream at her for breaking his heart more time than he could

even remember…but looking at her, hearing her speak her mind, all he wanted

to do was hold her and love her, the same way he had done only hours ago. He

knew he couldn’t change the past…couldn’t have told her then that he loved

her but he wished he could change the future…make her realize that Roman

wasn’t who she belonged with…because he didn’t hold her heart, not like

John did anyway.

 

           ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Marlena rummaged through her closet finally coming across what she was

looking for. She blew the dust off of her yearbook from when she was a

sophomore. She had bought the yearbook just so John could have signed

it…could have at least mentioned one of the times they had spent together

in the past two years. She opened the back of the book where he had signed

it all those years ago and ran her fingers along his indented script

handwriting.

 

“Marlena,” she read a loud, feeling as tears made their way down her face.

“In the past two years we’ve had quite some adventures together, you know?

Thanks for always listening to me when I needed it, you’re an amazing friend.

Do me a favor all right? Remember me when you become that famous Daytime

actress that you always tell me you want to be…I’ll be watching and

screaming ‘I knew her when!’ Have an amazing junior year…I’ll see you

soon. Love always, John.”

 

Marlena closed the book and held it to her chest feeling as her tears melted

onto the yearbook. Things hadn’t changed in all these years…the moment she

read it she started to cry and although it was more than 10 years later it

still caused the same effect. She closed her eyes and kept the yearbook on

her chest, figuring this was the closest to John she could get.

 

           ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

John shut off the video, closing his eyes. Images of her flooded his mind

and he sat up moving to the window. He watched as the stars shimmered with

excitement and he leaned his head against the cold wall. He watched as a

shooting star soared through the sky and closed his eyes making a wish.

“Please, let Marlena realize I’m the one she wants to be with with,” he said

quietly as he fell into a light sleep.Six week had past since John and Marlena’s beachfront ‘encounter’. Neither

had spoken a word of it since, and went on pretending as if it had never

happened. They went on living their lives with different people, people who

could not compare or replace what they were to each other.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Tonight Daytime’s biggest names will gather together for the 35th annual

Daytime Emmy awards. Among tonight’s nominees from NBC are, Deidre Hall and

Drake Hogestyn from DAYS as Outstanding Lead Actress and Actor, Patrika Darbo

and Kevin Spirtas for Outsanding Supporting Actress and Actor, and from the

newest hit daytime drama, Heat, Marlena Evans and John Black for Outstanding

Younger Lead Actress and Actor. We wish all our nom-“

 

Not being able to hear anymore about the upcoming awards, John Black turned

off his TV in frustration, and sailed his remote across the room.

 

“Damn media hype,” he mumbled, as he walked over to the mirror to fix his

tie.

 

The idea of sitting next to Marlena as she arrived arm and arm with Roman was

not at all appealing to him. He couldn’t help but to think back to the

glorious night they’d shared only a few months ago, and how it was her

commitment to him that kept them apart. It was moments like this that made

him want to kick himself for not admitting his feelings to her in high

school, but she said herself, that was the past, and this is the present.

The only thing he had going for him right now was the uncertainity of the

future, and he could only hope life would deal him a good hand, preferably

one that included Marlena.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Sweetie, are you almost ready?”

 

“Ten minutes, Roman,” Marlena called out, as she put her finishing touches

of make up on, and threw away some garbage that was lying on the bathroom sink

 

“Are you positive?”

 

“What?” Marlena asked, surprised to see him poke in through the bathroom

door, and call to her.

 

“I asked are you positive you will be ready in 10 minutes, because the limo

is waiting,” he said smiling as he wrapped his arms around her waist, and

kissed her cheek.

 

“Yes. Go on without me, I will be right there.”

 

“Okay, hurry Honey, this is your big night. We don’t want to be tardy now

do we?” he said winking as he walked away.

 

“Fashionably late, darling. It’s called fashionably late.”

 

“No Dear,” Roman said as he turned back towards the bathroom “15, 30 minutes

tops is fashionably late, you and your hour and a half is

pure vanity.”

 

“You said it yourself, this is my big night. I’m settling for nothing less

then perfection.”

 

“Then you don’t have to try hard, cause with you and I together, and a brand

new Emmy, it couldn’t be anything less then perfect.”

 

Marlena smiled as he walked away. Then turning back towards the mirror, she

continued to apply her lipstick, and then reached to grab her perfume, when

something caught her eye.

 

“Daytime’s Hottest New Couple Shows It’s More Than Just ‘A Supercouple

Phenomenon’ With 2 Emmy Nods,” Marlena read a loud as she stared at the

newest Soap Opera Digest issue, as she ran her hand over the cover photo.

Her and John smiling. His arms around her waist, and his head rested on her

shoulder, and she held him head close to her cheek.

 

“Oh Roman, as much as it hurts me, there are some things more perfect than

you, me and an Emmy.”

 

With that Marlena placed the magazine down on the sink once more, as she

wiped a few stray tears from her eyes. She grabbed her purse, and then left

to join Roman for a night that she, as well as the men she loved, would not

soon forget.

“Hello and welcome to the 35th Daytime Emmy Awards,” Jan Carl of

Entertainement Tonight said enthusiastically as she stood outside the Beverly

Hilton Hotel, waiting for the nominees to arrive. “Tonight should be a night

we all remember. From regular nominess like Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn

from Days of our Lives to newcomers such as Marlena Evans and John Black,

tonight should be a night we never forget. Walking down the red carpet now

is Marlena Evans who plays Alexia Shaw on Daytime’s newest hit ‘Heat.'” Jan

walked over to Marlena who was arm in arm with her fiancee. A simple black

dress was fit on her body perfectly, two long slits on both sides. Her long

curly hair was pulled up halfway and a diamond necklace outlined her neck.

“Marlena how does it feel to be up for an Emmy only six months after ‘Heat’

has debuted?”

 

“It feels great, Jan,” Marlena replied smiling. “I’d just like to wish

everyone else in my catergory the best of luck, you’re all amzing.”

 

“One more thing, Marlena. What about your co-star John Black? Do you think

he can pull off winning an Emmy tonight?”

 

“John’s a great actor,” Marlena replied simply. “I wish him the best of

luck, I’m sure he’ll do great.”

 

“Thank you, Marlena, and good luck.”

 

“Thanks,” she smiled walking into the hotel feeling the slighest bit dizzy.

           ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“Please welcome from Port Charles, Julie Pinson and Jon Lindstrom,” Finola

Hughs said as she introduced the next presenters. Cheers were sounded

throughout the audience as Julie and Jon came center stage.

 

“We’re here to present the award for ‘Younger Actress in a Daytime Series.'”

Julie said reading the television in front of her. “All of tonight’s

nominees are the hottest, youngest, hardest working actresses on Daytime.

Hey how come I never got one of these?”

 

“I guess the acadamy thinks you’re getting old,” Jon laughed as Julie hit him

softly on the arm. “Anyway all of our nominees have something in common

tonight.”

 

“They’re all younger lead actresses on a daytime show?” Julie guessed,

getting a laugh from the audience.

 

“Well yes, but they all have had problems when it came to love. Let’s look

at tonight’s nominees for younger lead actress. Becca finally had her life

in order and a perfect boyfriend. But when she started to tutor Leo, not

only did her boyfriend get jealous he dumped her and she was dumped with all

of Leo’s family problems, from All My Children Abigail Spencer. Sami Brady

had finally scored the love of her life…that was until she exposed his

mother was having an affair with a younger man, from Days of our Lives Alison

Sweeney. Belle Black had finally gotten together with her best friend Shawn

Brady. But when a family secret came to surface so did everything else, from

Days of our Lives, Kirsten Storms….and our last nominee… Alexia Shaw

came back to live in her hometown after five years only to find her high

school sweetheart still waiting in the wings for her, from Heat, Marlena

Evans.”

 

Scenes of all the nominees flashed on the screen on stage and Marlena watched

her scene carefully. It was almost ironic that her storyline on the show

somehow matched what was really going on with her and John. She sometimes

wondered if they had dated in high school would they have broken up? Would

it be easier to leave Roman for an old flame instead of an old

infatuation…she was snapped out of her daze when she heard Julie’s voice

once more.

 

“And the winner for outstanding younger lead actress goes to…Marlena Evans

from Heat,” Julie screamed as she read the envolope. Marlena sat there

shocked for a second and stood up feeling as Roman’s lips kissed her own.

But deep down, she didn’t want him to be kissing her to congradulate

her…she wanted it to be John’s lips. She walked up on stage, her dress

flowing behind her. She kissed both Julie and Jon, accepting the award and

walked up to the microphone, feeling as her hand shook and a wave of naucsia

passed over her.

 

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. I didn’t even prepare a speech, I never

thought I would win this. I’d like to thank my family…my mom, my dad, you

have always been there for me and supported my crazy dream of becomming an

actress. To my best friend Laura, you have been there for me through

everything, the good, the bad…to Roman, my fiancee, I love you, no matter

what anyone ever tells you, I love you. To Stefano DiMera and Victor

Kiriakis, thank you so much! Abigial, Kirsten, Ali, you are all such amazing

actresses and I am honored to be in a catergory with you. And to my co star

John…” Marlena looked over to the side of the stage where John was waiting

to present the next award. “Thanks for being a great co star and friend.

Now I have to end this before I faint, I am really nervous, excited, you know

the usual,” she laughed. “Thanks again.”

 

As she walked off stage and became out of view of the fans, John watched as

she ran into the bathroom, a queasy look on her face.

           

           ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

John stood outside the bathroom waiting for Marlena. He had just presented

‘Best Talk Show Host’ and rushed off stage to see if Marlena was okay. She

walked out of the bathroom, water on her face, to calm her down. She was

about to walk past him, not even noticing him when he grabbed her arm and

pulled her back.

 

“J…John, you scared me,” she said placing her hand over her heart.

 

“So were you going to tell me you were carrying my baby or were you going to

wait until you actually started to show to say anything…we made love six

weeks ago and morning sickness happens around your 6th week and Roman got

home two weeks ago…so tell me Marlena, were you going to abort the baby or

just pretend like none of this mattered,” John snapped as she stared at him

wide eyed, knowing her secret was now at the surface.

“John, I was going to tell you…it-” Marlena began as she felt a lump

develope in her throat, and tears form in her eyes.

 

“Oh yea, and when might that have been? When you started to show? When you

were in labor? At it’s 5th birthday party? Roman’s funeral in about 80

years from now, when you finally decided it wouldn’t hurt him anymore. Is

that when, Marlena?”

 

“When I was sure, Dammit! I didn’t want to tell you after only taking the

home test. It came up positive tonight, right before Roman and I were about

to leave. I scheduled a Doctor’s appointment for tomorrow, I was going to

tell you then,” she said admittingly, as the tears began to streak down her

pale face, and she once again became overwhelmed with a sense of nausea.

 

“Well, it’s easy for you to say that now that’s it’s out in the open, isn’t

it?”

 

“John please-“

 

“Younger Lead Actor Catergory is next, please take your seat Mr. Black,” the

young stage hand reported, interrupting Marlena mid sentence.

 

“Thanks. I’ll be right there,” he said feigning a quick smile as he turned

to face her, but then his anger quickly resurfaced as he looked back towards

Marlena.

 

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed.

 

“Whatever. This conversation is *far* from over, Marlena. What time is

your appointment tomorrow, and where?”

 

“3, at Cedars Sinai. I’ll be seeing Doctor Bader.”

 

“Well then, I will be seeing her right along with you,” he said as he began

to walk away.

 

“Good luck, John.”

 

He turned to look at her, with an ironic grin on his face. “Well, since

that was coming from you, I think you just might have jinxed me.” With that,

he headed back to his seat, as Marlena wept long after his figure

disappeared. Rushing to the bathroom as the nausea began to rise in her

throat once more.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Shawn Brady on Days, my on-screen son, Jason Cook,” Peter Reckell said

smiling, as he and Kristian Alfonso were half way through the nominees for

younger lead actor.

 

“And last, from Heat, this hot new hearthrob not only melts the screen with

his looks, but all the young girls hearts with his talent. Shane Parker on

Heat, John Black,” Kristian finished, as she raised the envelope to both her

and Peter’s view.

 

“And the winner is…….our Shawn, Jason Cook!”

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

After finishing in the bathroom, she walked over to the sink, and threw some

cold water on her face, feeling as though she’d just woke up from a

nightmare, but after hearing the winner of the last catergory, she knew it

was much more than that.

 

“Not only am I a slut now, but a jinx, too,” she said as she shook her head,

and gave herself a long hard stare in the mirror. “Oh God, what have I done?”

 

“The same thing any other women torn between two men would try to do without

hurting them, Marlena…”

 

“Hope! How long have you been there?” Marlena asked shocked to see Bo’s

girlfriend standing there.

 

“Here, about 5 minutes. But I was backstage long enough to know you’re

pregnant, and your fiancee is not the Daddy.”

 

“Oh God, this night can’t get any worse,” Marlena said al oud as tears began

to form in her eyes once more. Walking over to Hope, she placed one hand on

her shoulder, and pleaded, as she sobbed hysterically. “Please, don’t say

anything. So much has fallen apart tonight, I don’t know if I can handle

anything else.”

 

“Marlena, it’s going to be okay. I am here for you, not here to judge you.

I know how much John loves you, and I know the things he said he didn’t mean,

the same as you didn’t mean to hurt him. You’re going to get through this,

and you’re going to get through it together,” Hope said wholeheartedly, as

she embraced Marlena for comfort.

 

Marlena continued to sob as she digested Hope’s wise words. Together.

That’s what she always wanted. What they both always wanted. The only thing

now was, where did that leave Roman?

Marlena sat on the hood of her convertable waiting for John to come meet her

at the doctor’s office. She had told Roman she had a long day of taping,

knowing after the appointment her and John would be having a *long* talk.

She watched as his black mustang convertable sped into the parking lot and

stood up, meeting him in the middle of the parking lot.

 

“You didn’t have to wait outside for me,” John said colding, brushing past

her. “I could have found my way upstairs all by myself.”

 

Marlena grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “Look, I’m really sorry about

last night. I know you had your heart set on winning the Emmy and…”

 

“I’m not in the mood Marlena. You won, are you happy? The last thing I need

right now is that flaunted in my face…”

 

“Ugh, you know what? You think that you’re the only one suffering here don’t

you? You think that I don’t feel pain? That I’m not torn between two men,

two men who I love more than I even know to handle, you think I don’t feel

pain when Roman tries to kiss me and I wince knowing I betrayed him…not

only betrayed but became pregnant by someone else! Well you know what, we

all feel pain John, maybe you should try considering someone else before you

start to feel like a victim…” Marlena said walking off to see Dr. Bader.

 

               ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Marlena sat nervously in Dr. Bader’s office, John beside her. Neither of

them spoke, the tension in the room could cut glass and Marlena felt as tears

ran down her cheeks. She wiped them quickly as Marlena heard the door open,

Dr. Bader walking in with a chart in her hands.

 

“Well, congratulations, Marlena. You’re about six weeks along, almost seven.

I’d like to schedule an amneo in maybe two weeks or so. Now, Marlena, I

know you told me to keep this pregnancy completely confidant due to the fact

that you’re a pretty hot star these days. I know how crazy the media can get

so you have my word on this,” Dr. Bader explained.

 

“Thank you so much, Dr. Bader,” Marlena replied getting up to shake her hand.

John started to walk out of the office, Marlena following him. She caught

up to him at the elevator and she bit down on her lower lip wondering if she

should say anything. “So are you going to say anything?” Marlena asked

quietly, as she tried not to lose her voice from her sobs.

 

“What do you want me to say? I’m happy you’re pregnant?”

 

“You’re not?” she asked as she felt a thousand knives pound into her chest.

 

“How do you want me to be happy, Marlena?” John asked turning to face her,

tears starting to brim over in his crystal clear blue eyes. “How am I

supposed to be happy when I know you wish this child would be Roman’s, just

so you wouldn’t have to deal with this. You’re probably thinking how in two

weeks tops all of this will be out in the open, soap opera digest, the

tabloids…but what hurts me most of all is you probably think this child is

a mistake…while I think of it as something conceived from the purest love

known to man.”

 

“Why are you assuming you know what *I* feel,” Marlena replied annoyed as her

and John both got on the elevator. “Did you even ask me how I felt? Yes

John, in ways I wish this child was Roman’s but not because I love him more

but because it would make life so much easier. But when I won that Emmy last

night, I didn’t want Roman’s lips on mine, I wanted yours…and when I heard

that you lost I felt like I was going to faint…I’m not going to stand here

and say this is all your fault but John, some of it is. We *both* had sex on

that beach, we *both* forgot to use protection and now I’m pregnant and that

is *both* our faults. But I need to know if you want me to abort this

baby…”

 

“You know that’s not what I want,” he whispered as they stepped out into the

warm spring air. She took him his hand and led him over to a bench right

outside the hospital. They sat there silent for a few moments, their hands

still entangeled.    “We should probably go,” John said breaking away from

her. “If someone sees us, it’ll be all over by tomorrow.”

 

“I really don’t care anymore,” Marlena cried. “I’m sick of living my life

for other people, I am sick of living life just so it looks all right in the

media’s eyes. I’m not perfect! As hard as I tried to be, I’m not. And I

realize I don’t want to be perfect…and I don’t want to live my life

differently just because I don’t want to hurt someone I love. But I think if

keep lying to Roman the way I am now, then things will get worse. I want to

spend my life with you John. I want to raise this baby, *our* baby together.

And if the tabloids want to cover this, then let them, because if I have

you, I’ll be okay…I have to believe that, I just have too…”

 

“I want to be with you, God you know I do…but you need to break things off

with Roman before I commit to you because as much as I love you, I can’t let

me hurt you again.” He stood up and leaned down to kiss her lips. “Call me

after you break it off…because I promise you I will be there…but until

then I have to go.”

 

Marlena watched as John walked off, tears running down her cheeks, her life

sinking faster than Titanic did all these years ago.

Marlena drove home slowly. The day had been long, grueling and tiresome, but

it was far from over yet. After discovering she was pregnant with John’s

baby, the man she loved more than life itself, and who adored her to no end,

life she have been the least of her problems. But, she still had to face

Roman, the man who she was promised to by commitment, if not by heart and

soul, and that was going to be the greatest challenge she had to face all day.

 

“Roman, are you home?” Her voice echoed as she walked in the foyer, removing

her coat and purse

 

“In here” his voice called from the living room

 

Marlena inhaled deeply. She had practiced her exact words for this

conversation during the entire drive home. Just when she finally had the

speech planned out perfectly in her head, her mind drew a blank as his eyes

met hers as he sat on the living room sofa, staring her head on.

 

“Have you been home long?” she asked, as she took a seat across from him on

the lazy boy, and removed her heels

 

“Long enough”

 

“Long enough for what?” she asked confused, as she massaged her soar feet

 

“Long enough to hear this” he said sadly, as he walked to the answering

machine and pressed play

 

“Hi Marlena, it’s Dr. Bader. I know I told you about next week’s amneo

earlier, but I just wanted to remind you and confirm, and also tell you to

schedule a two month when you come in next week. Congratulations to you and

Roman, I am sure you will have a beautiful and healthy baby. See you both

next week” (beep)

 

“Roman….”

 

“No, Marlena don’t try to explain. I know the baby’s not mine, I was

obviously in New York when you conceived, but I think I have a pretty good

idea of who’s it is. The one you’ve been in love with since High School, the

one who stole your heart away and broke it once, and who came back all these

years later to steal it again. It’s John’s, isn’t it Marlena?”

 

Marlena looked up at him, as tears streamed down her angelic face, unable to

speak, she nodded her head slowly, giving Roman all the answers he needed.

 

“I knew it….in a way I guess I’ve always known”

 

He said as he sat down on the couch again, and became lost in a deep gaze as

he recalled all the clues, and all the arrows pointing that eventually this

was going to happen, it was just sooner rather than later.

 

“It was the night of the SOD’s” he said as he swallowed hard, and felt tears

begin to form in his own eyes, as hers continued to feel. “In your speech

the way you thank him. You said his name with such passion, such

adoration…such love, and he did the same to you. In your words, in your

eyes, in your gestures. I watched both of you closely because I couldn’t get

over how you 2 appeared to ache for each other, and I knew you were hiding it

for my sake, I guess I always have, I was just being selfish”

 

“No, Roman. Don’t you *dare* say that! *I’m* the selfish one, I gave into

my feelings!”

 

“No Marlena you had feelings for him long before you had them for me. They

were so strong and so abiding, I knew I couldn’t compete, but I couldn’t

persuade myself to walk away because in a way…in a way I was jealous. I

wanted you to talk about me that way, I wanted you to look at me that way.

Those glossy eyes, that bright smile, those heartfelt words….everything I

always dreamed of sharing with the love of my life. Until this evening, I

thought that was you Marlena, but after hearing that tape, I realized I was

wrong, and that I’ve just been grasping at straws”

 

“Why are you doing this?” she asked as she began to sob uncontrollably “why

are you being so understanding and forgiving towards me? You should hate me

for betraying you!   *I* hate me for betraying you!”

 

“Hey, stop this” he pleaded as he walked over, and knelt down beside her

chair “What would come out of me hating you? Yes, I am hurt, and yes, I

don’t think what you did was right, but I couldn’t hate you for doing

something I knew was inevitable to begin with, I just choose to look at it

with blind eyes”

 

“Still, after all I did to you, all the pain I’ve caused” she wept, as she

turned the other way, too ashamed to face him

 

“Hey, you look at me” he said smiling, as he placed his index finger under

her chin, and turned her face back to his “Are you happy with me?”

 

“Yes, of course I am”

 

“Okay, but are you happier with John, and I want the truth”

 

“Roman…please…”

 

“Marlena, tell me”

 

She nodded her head, as she wiped the streaks of tears that were sliding

down her face

 

“Yes”

 

“Well, isn’t it better that we discovered this now, instead of 10 years into

a loveless marriage built on lies and deceit?”

 

“But Roman, it wasn’t supposed to be this way! We were supposed to live

happily ever after!”

 

“No” he said shaking his head “we said ‘we will live happily ever after with

the great love of our lives’, but we’re not that for each other Marlena.   

We’ve always been better friends then lovers. It isn’t fair for us to

pretend we’re meant to be when we’re not. To live a lie, and deny is a

chance to experience the best part of life, true and unconditional love”

 

She looked at him in amazement, How this incredible man that sat before her

could be so forgiving, so understanding, and most of all, so wise was beyond

her. His capacity for giving was astonishing. No matter what had been done

to him, *he* was the who looked at things as they should be, and not as they

were. Saying good-bye to him was going to be one of the hardest things she’d

ever have to do, but they both knew it would be thousand times easier then

letting go of John.

 

“Maybe we’re not meant to be, Roman, but you’re still the greatest” She said

as she wrapped her arms firmly around his neck, and embraced him lovingly.

 

“Yea, I know”

 

He replied as they both laughed, and broke from the hug.

 

“Now, you listen to me” he began, as he held her two hands in his own

 

“I want you to go to John, and live your life together. I want you to share

in every second of joy while you carry and give birth to this baby you two

created, and I want you to make me godfather”

 

He said as she chuckled, and dabbed away the moisture that remained on her

tear stained cheeks

 

“but most of all, I want you to be happy together, because that’s what you’ve

inspired me to do, to just be happy. Then someday, in 50 years from now, I

can tell my grandchildren about the greatest love story ever know to man, and

you can tell them about your royal hand who made sure the damsel in distress

got together with her knight in shining armor, and lived happily ever after”

 

“On one condition”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“I want you to find someone to share your life with, like I’ve found in John.

Someone who makes your heart soar, the earth move, and gives you those dizzy

sensations in the pit of your stomach. Someone who deserve the loving, kind,

*amazing*, vibrant, intelligent man you are, and you can’t stop looking until

you find her”

 

“You’ve got yourself a deal” he said with a grin as he extended his hand to

hers and they shook on it.

 

After that, there was a long pause of silence. Knowing they’d said all that

had to be said and cleared up all that had to be cleared up, it was time to

move on.

 

“Well..”

 

“I guess this is good-bye” Marlena said, as she felt tears develop in her

hazel orbs once more

 

“Nah, this Marlena, is the beginning of forever. *This* is the first day of

the rest of our lives”

 

“Our lives apart”

 

“Our lives with happiness”

 

“I can’t win with you, can I?” she said chuckling

 

“Nope, you’re just gonna have to take my word on this one” He said as he

stood up, and then reached to help her out of her chair.

 

“I packed my bag. I think I am going to go to New York for a little bit,

where I went to college. Gonna look up an old friend of mine, Her name’s

Anna, and I think she just might be the Marlena to my John” he said with a

wink

 

“Well then, you better go be the John to her Marlena”

 

“You know it. I guess you can say, I have been inspired” he said smirking,

as he walked behind the sofa, and picked up his suitcase, all ready to go.

 

“You were set on this, weren’t you?”

 

“I knew I had to do the right thing” he said as he smiled, and slipped on his

jacket

 

“Thank you Roman. Thank you for giving me the greatest gift in life” She

said as she hugged him once more

 

“No, John gave you that, you should thank him” he said with a smile, as he

lightly patted her stomach “Bye Marlena, you will always have a special place

in my heart”

 

“and you in mine” she said as she sobbed lightly “you better comeback for

this baby’s birth”

 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world”

 

“bring Anna”

 

“Yes ma’am!” he said as he feigned a salute

 

She laughed

 

“I love you, Roman”

 

“I love you, too”

 

With that, they both walked away, moving on to the next phase of their lives.

Growing up had caused them to grow apart and realize what the true meaning

of life was, and now that they had, both knew it would pay off in the long

run, no matter how much it might hurt in the present. And it was the

knowledge of that alone which gave them the courage to go on, and discover

the greatest gift life has to offer.

Marlena picked up the phone to call John when she realized there was

something else she had to do. She took out a piece of paper from the front

desk drawer and took out a pen, moving onto the couch. She leaned the paper

on an issue of Cosmo lying around and leaned the paper up against it. As

soon as the pen hit the paper, words flowed onto the sheet as tears flowed

from her eyes.

 

‘My darling child,

To know I was pregnant with you was the best piece of news I have ever

recieved. The love your father and I share is amazing, sometimes I believe

it’s all a dream. You were concieved of pure love and adoration your father

and I feel for each other and no matter what happens in life you will be

loved by both of us.   I’ve had a lot of fortune in my life…I’ve won an

Emmy, a soap opera Digest award, I have become one of Daytime’s Divas, but

the only thing that matters in all of that is you and your father. I’m

writing this the day I found out I was pregnant with you and will continue to

add to it, everytime you turn a year older. On your 16th birthday when

you’re finally at that sweet age, I will give this to you, so you know just

how much your mother loves you.’

 

Marlena wiped her tears and folded the letter, enclosing it in her desk

drawer.

 

       ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

John Black sat in his bedroom flipping through the newsest issue of Soap

Opera Digest. As he turned the pages he saw the newest layout on the Emmy’s

and started to skim the article.

 

“The biggest shocker of the night was when new Daytime Heartthrob John Black

lost to Days of our Lives Jason Cook. Black’s co star, Marlena Evans

(pictured right), walked away with Younger Lead Actress. Evans and Black,

who were lovers in high school…” John stopped reading and laughed. “Yeah,

lovers in high school. If only that was the situation.” He stared at the

picture of Marlena and Roman that was on the right side of the page. They

both looked so happy…but she was hiding something and John knew deep down

Roman was denying what the truth actually was…that his fiancee had fallen

hard for her costar. He was brought out of his daze by the phone ringing.

 

“Hello?” he answered picking the phone up. He got no response, just

breathing on the other line. “Hello? Is someone there?” He heard a sob

escape from the other side of the line and smiled, his heart melting. “Well

if it isn’t my darling co star…you okay?” he asked sincerely, leaning up

against his pillow just listening to the sound of her breathing. “Hey are

you going to talk or are you quitting daytime to become a mime?”

 

A laugh escaped her lips. “I’m fine,” she replied quietly. “I just wanted

to hear your voice. There’s something in your voice that can just send

chills down my spine, something that can soothe me when nothing else

can…thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For not leaving me, for sticking by me no matter what a bitch I became, for

loving me…I told Roman and we’re finished…”

 

“How’d he take it?” John asked.

 

“Amazingly well. I’ll tell you later, I just need to see you right

now…that is if you’ll take me back. John, I know I messed up…I messed up

a lot. And even if you can’t take me back, breaking up with Roman was the

right thing to do, but I just want you to know I’ll always love you and

you’ll always be my best friend and…”

 

“Marlena,” John laughed. “I’ve waited forever for you, I’m not giving you up

now. I’ll be there in ten minutes, I love you…”

 

She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to fight her tears. “I love

you too. Forever and always. I’ll see you soon.” She put down the phone

and wiped her tears as she stared at the picture of her and Roman on the

mantle. “Thank you Roman, for everything,” she muttered as she awaited the

love of her life.

Marlena paced nervously outside of her apartment building. John wasn’t due

to meet her for another 5 minutes, but the mere fact that this would be their

first official night together sent a swarm of butterflies fluttering

throughout her stomach.

 

Her hair was down and in curls, she had changed into a light sundress, and

white sandals. She sighed as she thought in about 3 months, that dress

wouldn’t fit anymore, but it would all be worth it when she finally gave

birth to her and John’s child.

 

Several moments later, his black mustang pulled up right outside the door.

She smiled as she saw him get out of the car. He looked so handsome in a

sports jacket, his hair freshly cut. A gorgeous boquet of roses enveloped in

his hands, and a million dollar smile plastered onto his face.

 

“You’re late,” she said grinning as she showed him her watch.

 

“You’re beautiful.”

 

“Well, you’re smooth, too. I have to give you that,” she said with a

chuckle.

 

“I love your laugh. Your smile, Hell, I love everything about you, I always

have, I just wish I’d confessed to it sooner.”

 

“That doesn’t matter now, what matters is what happens tonight, and for the

rest of our lives.”

 

“That’s a fact,” he said as he arched one eyebrow, and wrapped his arms

slowly around her waist, as she draped hers around his neck, and their lips

met in a tender kiss, “and I promise you that tonight will be a night that

neither one of us will ever forget.”

 

                      Are those your eyes?

                      Is that your smile?

                      I been looking at you for ever,

                      Yet I never saw you before.

                      Are these your hands? Holding mine?

                      Now I wonder how I could have been so blind.

                      And for the first time, I am looking in your eyes.

                      For the first time, I’m seeing who you are.

                      I can’t believe how much I see,

                      When you’re looking back at me.

                      Now I understand what love is,

                      Love is…

                      For the first time…

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Where did you learn how to cook?” Marlena asked, as she plopped down on the

sofa of John’s penthouse, and kicked her shoes off.

 

“Ah, I picked a few things up working in New York City before my big break.

But really, chicken, baked potatoes, and green beans are no big deal.”

 

“They are to me! I burn toast and microwaveable popcorn!”

 

“Well, at least you can make reservations, sweetie,” he said winking.

 

“Very funny” she said as she leaned down to rub her feet, as she yawned from

her exhausting day.

 

“Don’t tell me your tired already? I haven’t even gotten to my big surprise

yet.”

 

“Umm honey, your big surprises already got us one little surprise, so I

think I am ready for bed,” she said with a grin, as she placed her hands over

her stomach.

 

“Oh, and I’m the funny one, huh? But, nope you’re wrong, this surprise is

huge. Bigger than big, larger than life. But if you wanna go to sleep….”

 

“I want my surprise,” she said as she sat up, and tried to look as alert as

possible.

 

“I thought you might change your mind, wait here,” he said as he walked over

and placed a light kiss on her forehead, and then disappeared into the

bedroom.

                      

               Can this be real?

                      Can this be true?

                      Am I the person I was this morning?

                      And are you the same you?

                      Its all so strange.

                      How can it be?

                      All along this love was right in front of me!

                      And for the first time, I am looking in your eyes.

                      For the first time, I am seeing who you are.

                      I can’t believe how much I see,

                      When you’re looking back at me.

                      Now I understand what love is…

                      Love is…

                      For the first time.

 

“Okay, close your eyes.”

 

“They’re closed.”

 

He smiled as he watched her sitting there, anxiously awaiting her gift. He

placed a 3 small boxes on the coffee table in front of her, and then knelt

down next to her.

 

“Okay, you can open then.”

 

She opened her eyes quickly, extremely impatient to see exactly what it was

he’d been going on about, and was a little surprised to see 3 readily

wrapped boxes in front of her.

 

“What’s all this?”

 

“Why don’t you open them and find out?” he said smugly, as he handed her the

first box, which she opened as quickly as possible, to find a small velvet

box containing a class ring on the inside.

 

“John Black, Salem High, Class of 1994.”

 

“This was something I should have given to you along time ago,” he said

sadly as he watched her examine the ring, and as tears begin to form in her

eyes.

 

“Hey, don’t cry now, there’s still 2 more to get all mushy over.”

 

She hit his arm lightly, and then brushed the few stray tears from her face,

as he handed her the next box which she opened slowly to find an audio

cassette, and a picture of their baby’s sonogram in a small frame.

 

“That’s the gift we give each other right now. Our baby. I had that made

this afternoon, and the tape is of it’s hearbeat. A little bit of you and

me, a piece of your heart and a piece of my heart beating as one, which makes

me love you, and the whole idea of us having a baby together even more.”

 

Marlena looked up at him amazed, as the tears spilled down her cheeks once

more. “This is amazing.”

 

“It’s not over yet,” he said as he handed her the last, and smallest of the

boxes.

 

Marlena inhaled deeply as she removed the wrapping paper carefully, and then

flipped the lid on the small velvet box to reveal a gold ring with several

diamonds. A larger stone in the middle, and 2 smaller stones on each end.

 

“John….”

 

“This is our future Marlena. This is us, and everything we are, or should

have been. Each of the gifts I gave you this evening solidifies our lives

together. The ring solidifies the past we should have had, the picture and

tape solidifies the life we’re going to build, and this,” he began, as he

took the ring from her hands, and placed himself on one knee, kissing her

hand softly as she watched him with pure adoration and love, “this is our

future together. Marlena Evans, I should have asked you this long ago, but

can you find it in your heart to forgive all my mistakes, and become my wife,

forever and for always?”

 

“John Black, nothing would make me happier than to marry you.” With that,

his own tears formed with hers, as he slid the ring on her finger, and then

kissed it gently.

 

“Wow, after all these years, did you ever think we’d get married?” he asked,

amazed by the fact that they had *finally* become engaged.

 

“I think we were destined to be together.”

 

“I think you’re right.”

 

“Well, now that I have my surprises, I’m ready for bed now,” she said with a

smile.

 

“So am I,” he said as he grinned, as he stood up, and gathered her in his

arms.

 

“I love you.”

 

“And I love you.”

 

With that, he carried her to the bedroom to celebrate their engagement, and

a second chance at happiness.

 

               Such a long time ago,

                      I had given up on finding this emotion,

                      Ever again.

                      But you’re here with me now,

                      Yes I found you somehow,

                      And I’ve never been so sure.

                      For the first time, I am looking in your eyes,

                      For the first time, I’m seeing who you are,

                      Can’t believe how much I see,

                      When you’re looking back at me.

                      Now I understand what love is…

                      Love is…

                      For the first time.

                      For the first time.

Marlena stared at the cookbook in front of her as she tried to read the
recipe for Chicken Marsala. She had promised John he’d get a home cooked
meal whether it killed her or not. She tied her hair up in a bright ponytail
and stared at the ingrediants.

“What the hell is Chicken Stock,” she whined as she brought a stool up to the
counter. “Return chicken to pan along with Marsala and stock. Uuuuh,
there’s gotta be something easier in here,” she mumbled as she flipped a
couple of pages. “Hmm, pizza, what can be so hard about this, dough, sauce,
cheese…one envolope of active dry east…what?? If it’s active then I’ll
need to kill it and I don’t have time for this…okay I’ll make
spaghetti…no one can mess that up,” she said aloud as she poured a package
or spaghetti into boiling water. “Okay, now I need to relax,” she said
moving to the couch.

She started to flip through TV channels settling for Days of our Lives.
“Well if it isn’t Deidre Hall,” she mumbled. “That woman must be about 60 by
now…why does she look younger than me? I definetly need to meet her, talk
about her beauty secrets…although Kristian Alfonso has those blonde streaks
going for her…hello princess! I should make John dress in that leather
jacket, after all Drake Hogestyn was hottest male star was like three years.”
She was snapped out of Days by a knocking on the door. She shut off the TV
and ran to open it revealing John with a red rose in his hand.

“Hey beautiful, I was wondering if you could spare your bed for the
evening…it’s part of a new experiment the local Y is trying…knock on
someone’s door and spend the night in their abode. So am I welcome to stay
here or do I have to *prove* I’d be a great house guest,” he smiled.

“Hmm,” she said playing along, “You are cute and all but I need to know if
you’d be a good house guest…so prove it to me sexy.”

“Oh I’ll prove it,” he smiled as he bent down to kiss her lips. Their
tongues met and collided together as they moved onto the couch. John started
to unzip Marlena’s dress when he smelt something burning. “Honey, I think
something is burning…”

“Burning desire, now come on,” she giggled, kissing his neck.

“No Mar, I’m serious…”

She jolted up and ran over to the stove turning it off. “Noooo, how could I
have burnt spaghetti, I am such a failure…if you don’t want to marry me
because of this, I’ll understand,” she said as tears formed in her eyes. “Oh
my God, you must think I am such a loser, no one burns spaghetti, a three
year old could make it…”

“Three year olds can’t reach stoves,” he smiled.

“Funny Black,” she said sarcastically. “Oh gosh, you can leave, I understand
how upset you are…”

John placed his finger over her lip and kissed her cheek softly, wiping away
her tears. “Sweetheart, I’m not marrying you because you can cook, trust me,
I’ve known for a long time you couldn’t. I’m marrying you because I love
you. Listen, we’ll order in but I wanted to watch today’s episode of Heat do
you mind?”

“No of course not, but why? I mean we’re on it, I think I can tell you the
storline…Alexia seduces Shane into her bed…maybe we should let art
imitate life, what do you say?” she said winking.

“Later,” he laughed. “Come on, Heat is on Soap Network.” He flipped to Soap
Network and Marlena watched as her and John filled the screen. It amazed her
that he was finally hers…afters years of wishing, months of sexual tension,
weeks of deciet…everything was fianlly in it’s place. Now the only problem
was telling everyone they were engaged…

“I really like the Heat theme song,” John said adverting Marlena’s eyes back
to the television. “It’s so catchy. Way better than the Passions one.
Everytime we touch, the heat in my body rises, the heat you make me feel, the
touch of your embrace can heal,” he sang as Marlena rolled her eyes.

“John, it’s a commercial, I just want to see what’s going on on Once and
Again. Rick and Lily are supposed to get engaged tonight…”

“No,” he stopped her. “Just wait a sec.”

“Ooook.” Marlena watched as the theme song ended and she saw John come on.
“What is this? Why are you on a commercial? You dropping daytime for
commercials? Going a step backwards honey,” she laughed.

“Just listen,” he winked as he leaned back against the couch.

“Hi, I’m John Black from NBC’s newest hit, Heat. As many of you know,
Marlena Evans, who plays my love interest on the show Alexia Shaw is in real
life my best friend. We grew up together and she is the most amazing person
I have ever met. As you might remember Marlena was engaged to cop Roman
Brady…because of personal reasons, they have decided to just become
friends…Roman has moved on and so has Marlena. Last night I proposed to
her and she said yes…so for all of America to hear…Marlena Evans and I
are engaged and she is carrying my child…so tabloids if you want to create
lies about this go ahead, because as long as Marlena and I have each other,
nothing can hurt us…not even false articles. I just wanted to let Marlena
know how much I love her…and now back to Heat,” he smiled as the camera
turned off of him. He turned to face her, watching as her tears fell and she
bit down on her lower lip trying to stop them.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Did I ever tell you much how I love you?”

“Yes and I love you more,” he smiled kissing her as they imitated art, as
their characters made their dreams a reality.

The sun shined brightly upon the City of Angels on this perfect June

afternoon. The weather wasn’t too humid, or too cold, but just right for the

day when two star crossed lovers like John Black and Marlena Evans would

finally be joined together as husband and wife.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

The church was packed filled with loved ones, as Marlena made her way down

the aisle on her father’s arm. Her dress was simple, yet elegant. Her hair

was in a curly up do, with flowers for show, which complemented the ensemble

perfectly. John smiled beside his best man, Bo, as he watched the woman he

loved more than life itself work her way towards him up the aisle to finally

officially commit themselves to one another as they’d longed to do.

 

“Dearly beloved,” the priest began to recite, as the couple became situated

side by side on the alter. “We are gathered here today to join two very

special people in holy matrimony, John and Marlena.”

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

“I’ve never been any good with words,” John Black began nervously, as he

stood before family and friends, pledging everything that he was and would be

to the woman he’d always loved. “As a matter of fact, I spent most of my

time in writing class gazing out of the window, and on to the football field,

as I envisioned myself throwing the winning touchdown for the championship

game. I was a dreamer, I still am actually, only today, all my dreams are

about to come true, and all of my words are going to pour together, except

for one. That one word being the one I’ve searched long and hard for to

describe you, Marlena. Last night, I plopped down on my sofa at around 9PM.

A pad of paper in one hand, and a Bud Light in the other. For several hours,

I jotted down any idea that came to my mind, only to crumple up the paper it

was written on, and toss it upon my living room floor out of frustration. I

conitnued on that relentless cycle for several hours, till finally around

2AM, it hit me. There is no word in the English language, or any language

that can describe the way I feel about you, Marlena. No phrase or cliche

that can precisely explain or directly pinpoint the way you make me feel

inside and out. What can you say to describe someone who has given you a

reason to live, a will to survive, a love to give, and a heart and soul for

the taken? You can’t, but today, as we join together in the union of

marriage, I realize this is as close as I will ever come to truly expressing

how much I love you, our unborn child, and the love we share. Although I may

not be able to sum it up in one eloquent word or sentence, you’re my life, my

heart, my soul, my world, my universe….my everything. And today I vow to

keep you as that, forever, and for always.”

 

As John finished, not a dry eye was left in sight of the church. He himself

had tears brimming from his baby blues as he spoke words of total trust and

devotion to his bride to be. Marlena sobbed joyfully from his hearfelt

speech, and took several moments to regain her composure from their

overwhelming sentiment, before she continued on with her own vows.

 

“You know John, you’re a tough act to follow,” Marlena began, as she wiped

the stray tears from her hazel orbs, and received a light chuckle from the

congregation. “Then again, you know me better than anyone, and I am a very

competitive actress, and will not be showed up so easily.”

 

She started, as the audience let out another small laugh, and John himself

joined in. “When I was a little girl, I used to dream about someday becoming

a big moviestar. I used to sit at my vanity, using a brush for my Oscar as I

made an acceptance speech to thank all the little people. I was one of the

most determined and ambitious 4 year olds I have ever known, and that hasn’t

changed much since, except for one small detail. When I used to fantasize

about my movie career, I saw lights, cameras, action, but most of all, I saw

my dashing leading man. Less than a year ago, I got the offer of a lifetime

to pursue a chance as an up and coming daytime diva. Of course, I jumped on

this opportunity right away, and it turned out to be the greatest decision I

have ever made. Faster than you could say soap opera, I had the lights, the

camera, the action, and who I thought was my leading man. Then you came

back, and I started to question if he truly was the person I was supposed to

star opposite for the rest of my life. It was during this time I did deep

soul searching, heart seeking, and mind using until I finally realized, I’d

left out the supporting character in the saga of my life. The one who holds

the audience over as they wait for the supercouple to find their way to each

other, as they’re destined to do, and gives them his blessing to ride off

into the sunset, and live happily ever after. It was when this finally hit

me that I came to accept you were my true leading male, and the one I thought

was turned out to be the greatest support ever. Now today, we get ready to

ride off into the sunset, in classic romatic style. But the one thing that

makes what we’re about to do different is that this isn’t the end of the

movie, this is the beginning of happily ever after. I love you.”

 

As she finished, everyone was left in awe of their pure and abiding love for

one another. Most of all John, the usually well composed, strapping and

strong man was crying like a baby, only with tears of joy, and happiness.

 

“Now that John and Marlena have pledged their love for one another, they will

bond it together by the giving and receiving of a ring,” the priset

announced, after several moments of silence, giving everyone a chance to

recollect themselves.

 

“John, will you begin.”

 

John nodded, as he signaled for Bo to pass him the wedding band. “My dearest

Marlena, I can give you my heart, but it might break, I can offer you my

soul, but that will be the Lord’s to take. The one thing I can give you is

this golden ring. This undying vow to the love that you bring. It has no

beginning, and its end is no where in sight. So take this piece of forever,

along with all of my life. When time ends, this bond cannot break. Cause I

stay with you, and you with me in this pledge that we make. And with this

band, I promise to always love you. And I seal it with a kiss, and make it

official with ‘I do'”

 

Gently sliding the ring on her finger, and then bringing her hand to his

lips, and kissing the band softly, before looking up at his momentary bride,

as she inhaled deeply, signaling for his ring, and then reciting the speech.

 

“My dearest John, I can give you my heart, but it might break, I can offer

you my soul, but that will be the Lord’s to take. The one thing I can give

you is this golden ring. This undying vow to the love that you bring. It

has no beginning, and its end is no where in sight. So take this piece of

forever, along with all of my life. When time ends, this bond cannot break.

Cause I stay with you, and you with me in this pledge that we make. And with

this band, I promise to always love you. And I seal it with a kiss, and make

it official with ‘I do'”

 

Ahe finished, as she slid the ring upon his finger, and repeated the same

exact gestures he had.

 

“Well then if there are no objections. By the power invested in me, by the

state of California, you may kiss the bride!”

 

Without hestitaion, John wrapped his arms firmly around Marlena’s waist, as

she draped hers around his neck, as their lips met in a passionate kiss,

sealing their long awaited union as Mr. and Mrs. John Black.

I can feel the magic floating in the air

Being with you gets me that way

I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I’ve

Never been this swept away…

 

Marlena opened her eyes and stared up into the sky as hues of red, orange,

and yellow swirled together in the air. The waves crashed softly against the

shore of Malibu Beach as Marlena laid in John’s arms, in the afterglow of

their honeymoon celebration. The beach was deserted, the perfect place for

them to celebrate their marriage…the place where they had concieved their

child…a place where they let loose exactly what they felt…and a place

that had such freedom for both of them. Marlena watched as the sun started

to make its way below the horizen, casting its shadows across John’s face.

She felt as her heart filled with love, just watching as he slept, as she

felt swept away with the wind…the breeze seemed to carry her soul, almost

as if this was all her heaven…just a dream that would soon be over, soon

come to an end.

 

All my thoughts seem to settle on the breeze

When I’m lying wrapped up in your arms

The whole world just fades away

The only thing I hear

Is the beating of your heart…

 

Everything else at that moment seemed to fade. The only thing she saw in her

mind was John…and the baby they had created in that very spot months ago.

A time when turmoil took over both of them…the loss of a friend, the guilt

of relationships…but she knew them it was so much more than that. It was a

love which had grown stronger in the past years, a love which was strong

enough to fight through everything no matter how long it took. Marlena

closed her eyes and listened to the sound of John’s heart beating, the

rhythmic beat matching the oceans.

 

‘Cause I can feel you breathe

It’s washing over me

Suddenly I’m melting into you

There’s nothing left to prove…

 

“Hey there gorgeous,” John whispered in her ear as she reopened her eyes, as

they burned into his sky blue ones.

 

As he spoke, Marlena could feel his chest heave up and down and closed her

eyes, an overwhelming feeling of dizziness washing over her. She still

couldn’t believe he was hers…no matter how long she stared at the gold ring

on her finger, or how long she spent in John’s embrace everything still

seemed so new, so perfect… “Hi,” she whispered, as her hands moved down to

her stomach. Johns hands follwed hers and he placed them over hers, tears

fighting their way down his cheeks as he felt the life him and Marlena had

created out of the incredible bond and love they shared.

 

Baby all we need is just to be

Caught up in the touch

The slow and steady rush

Baby, isn’t that the way that love’s supposed to be

I can feel you breathe

Just breathe…

 

“You know,” Marlena said breaking the silence as they both kept their hands

firmly on her stomach, “The baby’s ultrasound is tomorrow. Do you want to

know the sex or be surprised?”

 

“I want to be surprised because whether this baby is a boy, a girl, a

hermaphrodite, I don’t care…the only thing I care about is that this baby

is yours…your and mine together. Marlena, I know I said all I felt in our

vows today but even that isn’t enough to let you know how I feel about you.

Do you know when Stefano appraoched me in that resteraunt I took the job for

one reason…not because I wanted to be some famous actor but because I knew

you always wanted to be on a soap opera and when I didn’t see you on yet I

figured maybe just maybe you would have tried out for Alexia. I know it was

such a long shot, but I saw the way Bo and Hope were with each other, I kept

watching those old love stories and I wanted someone to love…and I had

missed you. So I came out LA in hopes I’d find you and I did…it was

kismet, plain and simple,” he smiled wiping away her tears as they fell with

each word he spoke.

 

In a way I know my heart is waking up

As all the walls come tumbling down

I’m closer than I’ve ever felt before

And I know

And you know

There’s no need for words right now…

 

“That has to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,” she smiled

through her tears. “When I was with Roman, I thought I was in love. And I

was…but not movie love…what we had was the love I have with my friends.

But when I was with you I felt alive…I felt as if my heart woke up and I

felt so close to freedom, a freedome which only consisted a love, a love

which made me feel carefree and special. I love you John Black. Thank you

for changing my life,” she whispered as his arms wrapped around hers, no

words being exchanged, just the heat of their bodies molding together as one.

 

‘Cause I can feel you breathe

It’s washing over me

Suddenly I’m melting into you

There’s nothing left to prove

Baby all we need is just to be

Caught up in the touch

The slow and steady rush

Baby, isn’t that the way that love’s supposed to be

I can feel you breathe

Just breathe…

 

“You know,” John said breaking the silence. “This baby of ours still needs a

name, any ideas?”

 

“Actually yes,” she smiled sitting up. “Heat brought us together…it

brought me you and it brought me this baby I’m carrying. And I think that

this child should be a reminder of that…so if we have a girl I was thinking

her name could be Alexia Shana…the love we bring to the screen mixed with

the love we share that created her. And if we have a boy…”

 

“Then we name him Shane Alexander for the love we bring to the screen mixed

with the love we share that created him,” he finished for her. “I love it

Marlena. And I love you.”

 

Caught up in the touch

The slow and steady rush

Baby, isn’t that the way that love’s supposed to be

I can feel you breathe

Just breathe…

 

John felt Marlena’s face for a second and kissed her passionatly, leaning her

back against the sand. She breathed in the salt air, the carefree feeling

returning to her body.

 

“Do you know what it’s like to feel so in love that everything around you

seems to somehow fade and you’re left with this dizzy feeling…but a good

feeling that just makes you feel so light and so…”

 

“I know,” he whispered. “That’s what love is baby.”

 

“Then I never want anything else…I love you Black, I loved you then, I love

you now, and I’ll love you more as everyday that passes by…you are my

heart, you capture my soul, and I live in this world for you.”

 

“I love you too, my leading lady…I love you too.”

 

I can feel the magic floating in the air

Being with you gets me that way…

The cold winds blew heavily along the Los Angeles Region. The cold, late

December air wisked through the trees and the houses. Christmas Day came and

went so quickly into the wee hours of morning, as John and Marlena sat in

front of the fireplace, relishing in their first Christmas together as

husband and wife.

 

“Just think, next year at this time, we’ll be celebrating our baby’s first

Christmas,” John said with a smile, as he placed his hands over Marlena’s

bulging stomach, and she rested her head in his neck.

 

“Well, just think that next week, we’ll be spending the New Year with this

little one.”

 

“You think so soon?”

 

“I know. I’ve felt contractions on and off all day. I called the doctor,

but he says we have at least 24 hours ahead of us before we rush off to the

hospital or anything like that.”

 

“Well then in that case,” John said as he walked over to the stereo, and

filled the room with the sweet sounds of a Broadway tune, which played softly

on a solo saxaphone.

 

In a place that won’t let us feel

In a life where nothing seems real

I have found you

I have found you

In a world that’s moving too fast

In a world where nothing can last

I will hold you

I will hold you…

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Enjoying the time we have left. In a few days, all our energy is gonna be

put into this newborn bundle of joy. So we need to savor every moment,” he

said with a grin, as he extended his hand to her, and she accepted.

 

“Dance with me”

 

“With pleasure”

 

Our lives will change, when tomorrow comes

Tonight our hearts drown the distant drums

And we have music all right

Tearing the night…

 

The song seemed neverending, as the two found themselves caught up in their

own little world of each other. Marlena nuzzled her head in John’s neck, as

he held her closely against his body, wrapped up entirely in the comfort and

strength of their love. They remained silent for most of the song, until

suddenly John pulled away to look at her as he spoke.

 

“I treasure every night with you like it’s the last night of the world. I

love you Marlena. I love you for loving me, I love you for having my baby,

but most of all, I love you for just being you.”

 

Marlena looked up at him, as tears glistened in her hazel orbs. “And I love

you for all those reasons, and more,” she whispered lovingly, as she leaned

up, and placed a tender kiss upon his lips, and then, they melted back into

each other, as the melody continued to play.

 

A song

Played on a solo saxophone

A crazy sound

A lonely sound

A cry that tells us love goes on and on

Played on a solo saxophone

It’s telling me

To hold you tight

And dance like it’s the last night of the world

On the other side of the earth

There’s a place where life still has worth

I will take you…

 

“John…”

 

“What is it Sweetheart?” he asked worriedly as he pulled away, and watched

as she stood in front of him, with her hands placed firmly on her stomach,

and seemingly wincing in pain.

 

“It’s time.”

 

I’ll go with you

You won’t believe all the things you’ll see

I know ’cause you’ll see them all with me…

 

John looked at her smiling, completely in shock from the last words she’d

spoken. “This is it?” he asked anxiously.

 

“This is it.”

 

If we’re together that’s when

We’ll hear it again…

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“John Sweetie, slow down, the first stages of labor could take hours!”

Marlena pleaded, as she practiced her lamaze on the way to the hospital,

while John sped down the highway.

 

“I realize that, Marlena, but it could also take minutes, and I’d rather be

safe than sorry…Hey punk, who the hell taught you how to drive, Evil

Canevil?” John yelled angrily out the window, as he rushed through every red

light and stop sign possible.

 

A song

Played on a solo saxophone

A crazy sound

A lonely sound

A cry that tells us love goes on and on

Played on a solo saxophone

It’s telling me

To hold you tight

And dance like it’s the last night of the world…

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“Okay Marlena, you’re doing great, I just need one more push.”

 

“Come on Sweetheart, you can do this, I know you can. I love you Marlena.

Just hold my hand for support that’s why I am here, that’s what I will always

be here for,” John said lovingly, as he wiped the beads of sweat from her

forehead, and then placed his hands over her own.

 

“Just hold me, just hold me,” Marlena asked lovingly, as he helped her to

sit up, and let her grip onto him for support, as she gave one last push for

the child that had been created from their love.

 

“It’s a girl!”

 

Dreams

Were all I ever knew

Dreams

You won’t need when I’m through

Anywhere

We may be

I will sing with you

A song…

 

John looked up in shock, as Marlena collapsed into his arms, completely

exhausted from the long, and grueling labor, as the sounds of their newborn

daugther’s cries filled the delivery room.

 

“Sweetheart, we have a little girl. Our little Alexia,” John whispered, as

he kissed her forhead softly, and waited for a response.

 

“Marlena?” he called once more, but there was no answer. He pulled her away

from his body, only to see her lying limp in his arms. “Marlena!” he shouted

as he tried to wake her, lightly hitting her cheek, but to no avail.

 

The Doctor took notice, and quickly intervened. “Code Blue!” he shouted as

the nurse came over to escort John from the delivery room

 

“Mr. Black, you will have to go wait outside while we tend to your wife.”

 

“No! I want to stay with her! Goddammit, do something, help her, please.

She’s my life, you have to help her, I need her!” he pleaded as tears

streamed from his baby blue eyes like a helpless child.

 

“I am sorry sir, We’re trying everything we can, but right now, it’s touch

and go. You can stay, but there’s no guarantee.”

 

With that, John walked back towards Marlena, and held her hand in his own

firmly, as he pressed his forehead to hers sobbing, as he thought about how

what was to be the best night of their lives, had instantaneously turned out

to be the worst.

 

“Dear God, please don’t take her from me. She’s my everything. Please let

her stay.”

 

So stay with me

And hold me tight

And dance…

John sat in a chair beside Marlena’s bed gripping onto her hand tightly.

Doctors had stabilized her, but made it quite clear that only a miracle could

pull her through this. John didn’t even try to listen as doctors explained

what had gone wrong…something about heart palpitations, something that made

her heart stop beating on it’s own. Ventilators were attached to her and

John felt his heart break as he watched his wife lying helplessly in bed.

 

“Lord,” John began, letting go of Marlena’s hand and walking to the window,

staring out into the starry night. He could hear the wind rustling and

closed his eyes, running his hands up and down his arms trying to warm

himself. “Maybe, I haven’t always made the best choices in life…the one

thing I will regret for the rest of my life is the fact that I never told

Marlena how I felt about her in high school. But does that mean that I

should be punished for that? Is it fair to Alexia that she will never get to

know her mother? I am asking you to save her Lord…not only for me but for

that little girl she just gave birth to…a little girl who deserves to know

the most wonderful woman in this world…her mother. If you need so take

someone, take me…please,” John begged, as warm plush tears ran down his

cheeks.

 

“John?” Marlena whispered as John spun around to look at her. She looked so

pale, so frightened.

 

John walked over to the bed and sat down running his index finger over her

face. He memorized every feature on her body…the way her hazel eyes

shimmered with sparkle even if she was facing death…the way her blonde hair

curled underneath. Everything became a whirlwind as he tried to memorize all

of her as quickly as he could…before it was too late. “Hey lady, you can’t

leave me yet, okay?” he smiled through his tears.

 

“I’m sorry sweetie but I have too…I can’t hold on anymore, it’s…it’s all

spinning,” she whispered. “Listen to me, okay? I want you to give that

little girl out there all the love this world has to offer…tell her

everyday how much her mommy truly loved her. John, I don’t have regrets in

my life…my one wish came true and that was to finally have you in my

arms…to love you the way I always wanted too and to have that love back in

return, well it was amazing. I only regret leaving you now, before we

actually got to live out our dreams and before I had time to see my daughter

live, thrive, and grow. I don’t know how to say goodbye to the one man I

have loved most of my life, to the man who captured my heart the first day I

met him, who stole my soul the first moment we touched…goodbye is to

permanent so I’ll see you someday and you can tell me all these amazing

stories of our daughter…her first tooth, her first word, her first step,

her first date, her senior prom, her wedding, the birth of her first

child…I’ll always watch over you John, you and Alexia. I love you, more

than I know how to tell you, more than words could ever describe.” Marlena

closed her eyes and before John could plead with her to stay she was

gone…almost as quick as she had come.

 

       ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Show me the meaning of being lonely

So many words for the broken heart

It’s hard to see in a crimson love

So hard to breathe…

 

John sat in the church as the cold breezes outside caused snow to fall onto

the ground. It was the perfect day to bury Marlena…the world was cold as

it said goodbye to one of Hollywood’s daytime diva’s, to one of the world’s

sweetest women and to the love of John Black’s life. He stared at her casket

as tears burned his eyes, the coffin getting blurrier as seconds passed. His

eulogy was in a couple of minutes and millions of words just crashed together

in his mind. What was he supposed to say when he didn’t actually want to

believe she was gone? He inhaled as he gasped for air, feeling as if the

walls were closing in on him, as he felt his chest tighten and his mouth

close up.

 

Walk with me, and maybe

Nights of light so soon become

Wild and free I could feel the sun

Your every wish will be done

They tell me…

 

He looked at the portrait that stood beside Marlena’s casket and closed his

eyes, remembering the day they had taken it. It was their first photo shoot

for Heat…the first time they had seen each other in years. Her blonde hair

flowed down her back, her hazel eyes gleaming with excitement. They had

spent nights after that talking of their dreams, their wishes…and in a few

short months it all came crashing down…faster and harder than it took to be

put up.

 

Show me the meaning of being lonely

Is this the feeling

I need to walk with

Tell me why I can’t be there where you are

There’s something missing in my heart…

 

John got up on the alter and looked out into the crowd of friends and family

gathered to morn his wife. He saw Roman out there and smiled, knowing that

that man gave him the most precious gift he could ever ask for, even if it

was only for a short period of time. He cleared his throat and held his

wedding ring tightly in his hand.

 

“Marlena Evans Black was one of the most amazing people I have ever met. We

met when we were in high school and for a long time I denied that I loved

her. But seeing her again years later, something in me clicked…I knew then

and there I could not, and did not want to live my life without her. I can

only think of one word to describe Marlena and that is beautiful. People who

didn’t know Marlena thought she was beautiful…she had this golden blonde

hair which sparkled with the sun…these eyes which were always lit up, even

up to the moment she died…but those of us who knew the *real* Marlena, knew

she was beautiful on the inside as well. She lived her life by putting

others before herself, she felt pain if she caused it to someone else, even

if it wasn’t her fault. A part of my heart is missing with her gone, a part

that I need to survive…”

 

Life goes on as it never ends

Eyes of stone observe the trends

They never say forever gaze

Guilty roads to an endless love

There’s no control

Are you with me now

Your every wish will be done

They tell me…

 

“After today, life will go on, like it always has. I’ve lived without

Marlena before and I know I’ll pull through this because of our daughter.

When Marlena and I conceieved Alexia, in ways I felt guilty. Marlena wasn’t

mine…she belonged to someone else, someone who loved her and someone she

loved with all her heart…but the man who we hurt also helped me realize

something…what Marlena and I had was a love that could never be denied. It

carried us through years, even when we were separated and I know that it will

carry me now that she is gone. I can still hear her laugh lingering in my

mind, I am still smell her everytime I walk into a room, and I can still feel

her as I take a step closer to a new day. But most of all I see her when I

look into my daughter’s eyes…eyes that belonged to her mother,” John

finished as he took one last look at the coffin and stepped down feeling as a

sharp pain soared through his chest.

 

           ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Show me the meaning of being lonely

Is this the feeling

I need to walk with

Tell me why I can’t be there where you are

There’s something missing in my heart…

 

John sat alone in the church, watching as the candles flicked low. Everyone

had left, leaving him in peace to speak to his wife, knowing her soul was

still with him and would be for however long he needed it. He twirled his

wedding ring around his finger gently as he swallowed the tears that made

their way into his mouth. “I don’t understand why you left me,” he whispered

as he made his way over to the coffin. “I need you Marlena, I need you as my

leading lady, I need you as my wife, I need you as a mother to our baby

girl…do you remember that night we stayed up and watched the stars. You

gave me something that night that I can never forget. It wasn’t

materialistic but it was words which have been engraved into my heart.

‘Whether we’re near or far, you live in my heart, you live in my soul, and

nothing and no one could ever change that. Without you, a piece of me was

missing and with you, I feel like I am an angel, carefree and pure. For that

I love you, for that I will always love you.’ I feel as if I am dying

without you in me…almost as if I needed you to keep my heart beating…”

 

There’s nowhere to run I have no place to go

Surrender my heart’ body and soul

How can it be you’re asking me to feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart

Tell me why I can’t be there where you are

Show me the meaning of being lonely

Is this the feeling

I need to walk with

Tell me why I can’t be there where you are…

 

“I have to go now,” he said standing up, wiping the tears that were still

making their way down his face. “I need to go to Alexia, let her know just

how much her parents love her. I wish I could be with you Marlena, but

because I can’t, I need you to stay with me, guide me, love me even if I

can’t have you in the flesh. Thanks for everything…for the love you taught

me to feel, for the joy you brought to my life and for the courage to go on

with my life. I love you sweetheart, I love you forever,” he whispered

walking out of the church, leaving the one woman he ever truly loved behind.

 

There’s something missing in my heart…

The Evans household wasn’t the cheerful and pleasant home it usually was, as

friends and loved ones gathered together to mourn the loss of their beloved

Marlena. Together they consoled each other, unable to stand the pain by

themselves, except for one. John couldn’t stand being around anyone else,

except his daughter, the last tie he shared to his departed soulmate. As he

sat alone in the corner, cradeling and rocking the baby back and forth, Bo,

Hope and Roman looked on from a distance, wishing they could help him, but

knew deep down the one person who could get him through this was the one

person that couldn’t be there anymore.

 

“It’s going to take him a long time to get over this,”

Bo observed, as he wrapped his arms around Hope, and she rested her head upon

his shoulder

 

“I don’t think he’ll ever fully get over it,” Roman stated, as he slipped on

his jacket, and picked his car keys up from the table. “The love they shared

only happens once in a lifetime. It’s what inspired me to go back to Anna,

and what should inspire you two to stay together.”

 

“Don’t worry Roman, I won’t let this one go,” Hope said with a smile, as Bo

kissed her forehead lightly.

 

“Don’t worry, I ain’t goin anywhere, FancyFace. If I have learned anything

from this, it’s to treasure the one you love most, cause you never know how

long you have left.”

 

“Speaking of which, I have an expectant wife to get home, too. Tell John

that I am so sorry for his loss. She was an amazing one. Heaven got

themselves one prize angel today.”

 

After saying their goodbyes, Roman walked passed John, and patted his

shoulder lightly. John nodded to acknowledge his gesture, and then returned

his full concentration on baby Alexia, as Roman left, knowing there was

nothing more that needed to be said.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Later that night, Hope stayed to help Martha and Frank clean up, as Bo

stood by the door to greet everyone goodnight. From Stefano Dimera to

Victoria, at least 200 people had come together to pay tribute to the lost of

not only one of America’s greatest actresses, but biggest sweethearts. When

the last person left, Bo headed back towards the living room to get John and

the baby, so they could finally head home from a long and exhausting day.

 

“Hey man, you ready to go back?” Bo called, as he slipped back into his

sportskacet, and walked into the living room.

 

When he got there, he found John sound asleep on the sofa, with a

tearstained face, and little Alexia rested on his chest, also in a peaceful

slumber.

 

Bo smiled at the heavenly sight, and walked towards them slowly, not wanting

to disturb the baby, but just wake John so they could head home. Kneeling

down beside the sofa, he leaned towards him as quietly as possible, and

whispered an attempt to make him wake up.

 

“John, can you hear me? John wake up.”

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

“John, can you hear me? John wake up.”

 

John heard Bo’s voice in the distance and opened his eyes blinking a couple

of times from the sunlight. Millions of people were watching him as friends,

coaches, and doctors, started to check him out. He looked up and saw

her…the girl he had dreamed his life was with…the girl who he tried to

fight feelings for…and the girl he knew he was meant to spent the rest of

his life with…before it was to late. He looked around at his surroundings

and realized where he was…the state championship football game his senior

year of high school. He saw Gina standing next to Marlena and sat up slowly.

 

“Gina, come here,” he said pointing to her.

 

Marlena felt as her heart sank as she watched Gina walk over to John. She

had watched as the love of her life came crashing down to the ground, the

football sailing over his head. Her heart stopped for the time he was

unconscious, scared she was going to lose the one person, she ever felt the

emotion of love towards…even if that feeling wasn’t mututal. She watched

as John and Gina spoke softly, chills taking over her body and tears

streaming down her cheeks. She started to walk away when she heard her

name…from the one voice that got her so happy and excited that she felt

like a little girl on Christmas.

 

“Marlena, wait…”

 

Marlena spun around and saw Gina helping John up as he slowly moved towards

her. Her heart started to race as she quickly wiped her tears. “John, I

really have to be going, I have rehearsal in a few minutes, I’m just glad

that you’re okay.” She gave him a small smile and started to walk away when

his next words stopped her dead in her tracks.

 

“Marlena, I love you.”

 

She turned around as her knees weakened as she looked into his baby blue

eyes, seeing every emotion in those eyes. “Wh…What?”

 

“I said I love you. Getting knocked unconscious has to be the best thing

that ever happened to me…I realized that I can’t deny how much I truly love

you. I had this dream…we finally saw each other after years and we fell in

love…that dream awakened every sense in my body because I realized that if

I ever lost you, I would lose myself. I’m going to college in three months

and the thought of going away without you, or without knowing you’re mine, it

scares me. I was an ass to try and deny what I felt because of popularity, I

know that and I want to change things before it’s to late. Please say you’ll

take me because the thought of trying to go on without you is killing me.”

 

John watched as tears feel from her eyes and she bit down on her lip,

blushing. Everyone in the stands watched on, as Gina stook there smiling

knowing she gave John exactly what he needed…a chance to live out his

dreams with the one he truly loved.

 

“Say something, Marlena,” John said as his stomach tied in knots.

 

“I love you too,” she cried as she felt his arms wrap around her as the crowd

cheered. He lifted her face and pressed his lips to her, sparks igniting and

the heat rising as two souls become one.