The cold winds blowing against her skin as she stood facing the pier chilled her to the bone. Grasping at the sides of the all too familiar leather jacket that she had draped around her body, she hugged it to her, trying in vain to create in it the warmth that it had once possessed. Closing her eyes against the visions of memories that attacked her mind, Marlena turned from her view point of the water, heading up the stairs and towards the penthouse… Wishing she could find the words to tell the owner of that jacket it was time for him to come back home.
Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say
From each other
Even lovers need a holiday
Far away
From each other
The key wiggled in the lock of the front door as it’s owner fumbled to grasp it, along with the packages he held in his hands. It had been so long since he had entered this door… so long since he walked into the living room of this penthouse that he had chosen for her all those years before… John had no one to blame but himself that he was no longer welcome here anymore.
The scent of her perfume still hung in the air as he entered the spacious room. The dim light of the candles that were scattered among the room giving it an eerie feel. Looking around the room, he caught a glimpse of their wedding picture atop the piano… Smiling as he realized she must still feel something, it dawned on him that it wasn’t like Marlena to leave candles burning when she wasn’t home, and he had talked to Belle earlier and knew that neither she, nor Brady would be home tonight. Moving to the table in the corner, he cupped his hand around the flickering flame, blowing softly on it attempting to put it out.
“You might not wanna do that Sailor… the only thing that seems to have power in this place tonight is the elevator…”
The whispered voice behind him was so unexpected he barely noticed the singing of his skin as his palm sat flat against the burning flame of the candle, until he saw the horrified expression on her face.
“Damn it Doc! You know I hate it when you sneak up on me” the tone of his voice expressing just how badly the pain of that flame had begun to sink into his skin. As well as the pain of seeing her again… knowing that she no longer wanted him there.
“Well excuse me Mr Black, it’s not exactly like I expected to walk downstairs and find YOU here!” the sarcastic tone of her voice softening a little as she allowed concern for him to break through the wall she had built so carefully around herself. “Does it hurt bad?” she asked moving her hand to his in an attempt to examine the wound closer.
Jerking his hand from her grasp, he turned away from her. Taking several steady breaths to keep from pulling her into his arms and burying his face in the blonde curls of her hair.
Hold me now
It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry
I just want you to stay
After all that we’ve been through
I will make it up to you I promise to
And after all that’s been said and done
You’re just the part of me I can’t let go
“John… honey… what’s wrong?” the softness of her words a stunning contrast to the anger that had jaded her voice only a few short months before. The graze of her hand upon his back as she spoke more than he could bear.
“Doc… what do you want me to say? I have tried every way I know to make you see I am sorry for EVERYTHING I did to cause you pain. For everything I didn’t do to stop it… I have left you to your thoughts hoping you would realize that you want me with you… That you want to give us another chance… I don’t know what else I can possibly do… If I had known you were here, I wouldn’t have come…” his words trailed off as the tears began to glisten in the blue depths of his eyes….
The circling of her trembling arms around his waist gave her away as she lay her head against the muscled plane of his back… The wetness of her tears soaking through the cotton of his shirt.
“John… please just hold me….” the trembling words barely audible as she tightened her hold on him…
Couldn’t stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn’t wanna be swept away
Far away
From the one that I love
Turning in her arms, the fear of rejection showing plainly on his face, he rested his arms lightly around her shoulders. Not allowing himself the luxury of crushing her to him as he wished. His mind couldn’t help feeling that the mirage might disappear before his eyes. The feeling of her arms nothing more than the figment of his imagination as he stood in their home… A place where they had created so many memories of love… and in the end, of hate.
“Marlena…” the sound of her name in the husky tone of his voice had always melted any bit of resolve she had when hurting. He had always been able to break through, no matter what the circumstances..
“I’m sorry… GOD I have wanted to say that to you for WEEKS!” her words a broken sob as she clutched at the front of his shirt, not willing to relinquish any contact with him… knowing that it was up to her to make him see she had forgiven him long before this night. “I have spent so many nights pushing you away, making you believe I hated everything about you… Your face, your voice, your heart… How STUPID could I have possibly been! Do you know how many nights I have spent lying in that bed, all alone, upstairs, crying myself to sleep because you weren’t there to hold me. All I EVER needed was to be in your arms to feel safe and content… and I allowed my pride to get in the way of my heart… I allowed the hurt I felt in the beginning to ruin what we had as a future… OH GOD! How can I ever repair the damage I have helped do to us!” the broken sobs of her words so anguished they were barely understandable as they rocked her body… her breathing staggered as she struggled to regain some semblance of sanity.
“Shhh baby, it’s not your fault…” the soothing words, combined with the stroking of his hand upon her hair had the desired effects he had wanted on her body. The tremors of her chest had slowed to a steady sniffling as he felt her begin to relax against him once again. “We BOTH made mistakes Doc, and there is nothing we can do to change that. What we HAVE to do, if we want to survive this, is move forward. No looking back over the past months, no dwelling on what we should have done, or could have done. Lord knows I have done enough of that for both of us on those lonely nights I spent at the Salem Inn making Jose Cuervo my new best friend. You know me well enough to see that I was never one to drink, and I realize that I used that as a shield against the real world. I was coming here tonight to make a start in the right direction. I didn’t see your Mercedes in the parking lot, so I figured this was as good a time as any to leave the present I had bought for you. I just got a little luckier than I bargained for finding you here after all… Even if I did give myself a 3rd degree burn in the process…” his attempt to lighten the mood falling flat as the smile began to play against her features.
“I really do hope that doesn’t hurt too bad. I didn’t mean to scare you… I thought you knew I was here… BUT, now that we have said all of that, I am curious to see what brought you here after all this time to try again at winning my heart.” her eyes lighting slightly with the mischief of finding out exactly what had brought them to this place…
Hold me now
It’s hard for me to say
I’m sorry I just want you to know
Hold me now
I really want to tell you I’m sorry
I could never let you go
After all that we’ve been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that’s been said and done
You’re just the part of me I can’t let go
Handing her the small neatly wrapped box, he watched the expressions play upon her face as she glanced at the item that nestled inside it. Anticipating the questions that were flowing through her mind, he answered them without waiting for her to ask.
“That, Doc, is the wedding ring that we thought that I had lost in Hawaii… While the circumstances of it’s disappearance are ones we would rather not rehash right now, I wanted you to have it. I wanted you to keep it until you felt the time was right to place the original back on my finger. I want the TRUE commitment back, and not the copy that we created after I had broken our vows. When the time is right, and you feel that you have forgiven me for ALL of my past sins… I want you to marry me.. AGAIN. This fresh start is going to start on the right foot, because there are going to be only happy days to follow it.”
After all that we’ve been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
“Baby, I’d marry you again tomorrow if you asked me to. I am ready to start the future, and let go completely of the past. If you are willing to promise me that whatever happens in the days to come, you will come to me with the problems, no matter how big you think they are. They may be hard for us to handle, and there may be things that frighten you as you remember the things you did as part of Stefano’s gang. Know, though, that even the toughest of things can be born if we do them together. Nothing is stronger than the power we create when we stand united.. Divided we simply fall apart.” the frank truth of her words, and the honesty with which she shared them told him she meant every bit of what she had spoken.
“Doc.. I think you have a deal…” the smile that lit up her face was enough to make everything right in the world. The peace that washed over him, calming all the storms that had raged deep in his soul since he had moved out. “I am so lucky to have you…”
Looking him directly in the eye, she moved her lips into his, grazing them lightly with hers, pulling back to disagree slightly with what he had said. “Baby, I think we are lucky to have each other.” the words fading as she met his lips once more with hers. Sealing their future, and shutting the doors on the pain, and on the past.
You’re gonna be the lucky one
The Jarlena Journal 