Gertie – By Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1

San Francisco, February 1993

Marlena was exhausted. Returning to her hotel room in the late afternoon on the third day of her conference in San Francisco, all she could think about was falling into bed, and it was barely 5:00 pm. The weather was cold, and even though she was wearing multiple layers, the bite of the air was still too much. Her cheeks burned from the chill. The sun had already gone down, and she was walking with her head low, hoping to get inside as quickly as possible. Juggling her briefcase, and her purse was difficult enough, but trying to balance a coffee, and navigate through crowded streets was just an added frustration. 

Just as she was about to enter the side entrance of the hotel, the door flew open, hitting her, and causing her to drop everything she was carrying, including the coffee she had just purchased. “Oh!” She cried in frustration.

She knelt down, and began gathering her things, telling herself over and over again, it was an accident. She wanted to scream, but she knew it was her own frustration. “It was an accident,” she mumbled under her breath. She felt sometimes, as if she couldn’t catch a break. Feeling chronically unhappy had a way of doing that to a person. She felt another person kneel beside her. A man, seemingly large, but she didn’t turn to look. She didn’t think she’d be able to school her features into a mask of politeness, so she reached for her briefcase. The man next to her began to ramble out a nonsense apology, and her heart stopped. Her heart then stuttered violent, creating a tightness in her chest. Her mind told her no, even as her heart, and the scent of his cologne, caught by her nose, said yes. She knew that voice. There was no way Marlena would ever forget that voice.

John had been rushing out of the building to meet a potential business owner who was looking to possibly merge with his company. It would be a lucrative deal, if he could make it happen. He was running late, because his wife, Isabella, had kept him on the telephone too long. Even though she knew, he was going to be home the following day. She did this every time he went out of town. Her insecurities at an all time high. He had tried repeatedly to get her off of the telephone, finally explaining that he was going to have to hang up. Now he was left with the guilt she would likely throw at him tomorrow, because of it.

Kneeling down to help the woman retrieve her things, John started to say, “I’m sorry. I was rushing, and not paying attention—” The wind picked up again, cold and bitter, and the woman’s scent wafted across his face, causing him to stop speaking completely. That scent was so rare. He’d only ever known one woman to wear it, and it brought back memories of a woman he fought every day for over a year to forget. A woman who still invaded his dreams every night, as his brain conjured images of her fingers trailing over his skin. He took a deeper breath, inhaling it, and holding it in his lungs. He turned his head, staring at the huddled form of the woman beside him, and noted that she had stopped moving as well. Her hand extended towards her briefcase, as if she were frozen in place.

It was John. Marlena knew his voice, even if she hadn’t seen, or heard from him in almost fourteen months. He’d left Salem almost as soon as their group had returned to Salem after Mexico. He and Isabella had simply packed up, and left within the week. No telephone number. No forwarding address. They simply disappeared. Without a word of goodbye, he’d broken her heart. Marlena’s pulse was thudding in her veins so hard, she could feel it vibrate throughout her body. It was several moments, before she realized he’d stopped speaking, and she finally began to look up slowly.

John was internally telling himself, Look up. Look up. He was silently begging the woman bundled up beside him, to raise her head, and allow him to see her eyes. She was wearing a hat, and her clothing had so many layers, he couldn’t be sure if it was her. It was a moment, before she seemed to realize that he had fallen silent, but when she raised her hazel eyes to look at him, all he could do was whisper in a choked voice, “Doc.”

Marlena couldn’t stop staring at him. She wanted to memorize every line of his face. Every fleck of blue in his deep indigo eyes. He was beautiful, the slope of his now, even the sadness in his eyes, and she still loved him. She hadn’t seen him in over a year, but the love she felt for him, hit her so powerfully, she started crying almost immediately. 

Smiling at him in relief, and joy, and wonder, Marlena sobbed, “Hi.” Standing up, she tried to organize her things in her arms, but she felt clumsy, uncoordinated, and overwhelmed. Looking around for trashcan to toss the empty coffee cup into, another biting wind blew against them, and her body convulsed with the cold, causing John to suddenly take notice of the weather. John opened the door to the hotel, and ushered her inside, following closely behind her. He was still in shock at running into her, and couldn’t think of anything to say, except, “What are you doing in San Francisco, Doc?”

He is still so beautiful, she thought. Forcing herself to refrain from touching him, Marlena held her briefcase tighter, and stared up into his dark blue eyes, with a look of awe. She finally said breathlessly, “I have a conference on Amnesia. I’m a keynote speaker, but I decided to stay through the week, because some of the sessions are dealing with new studies that I’m not familiar with.” 

John watched her remove her hat, and shake her hair loose. Her scent, lilacs and lavender, wafted over him again. He was shook. Utterly shook. There was no other way to explain it, but he had a meeting to get to, and he was already late, so he said hurriedly, “I’m late…for a meeting, but…are you free tonight? For dinner?” He couldn’t let her get away from him. He couldn’t let her walk away without solid plans to meet up later. 

Alarm bells began to go off in Marlena’s head. Within minutes of being near him, her body was aching for his touch. Even knowing that this was a horrible idea, she found herself saying softly, “I don’t have plans for dinner.” 

John nervously fidgeted with his jacket, and his soul lit up, at her response. Making sure to get solid plans, he said, “I should be back in a couple hours.” Glancing at his watch, he rushed ahead, saying, “Have dinner with me, here, at the hotel restaurant? Around 8:00? What’s your room number?”

“1267,” she said softly, staring up at him. This wasn’t the best idea. She knew that. She was incredibly lonely, and vulnerable right now. She had been ever since he’d left, but even with her own misgivings, she wouldn’t say no. Not to John. Marlena could never say no to him.

He touched her face softly, the barest whisper of touch, marveling at how her beauty still struck him almost speechless, “I’ll see you at 8:00.” 

She stood in the lobby, staring at the closed door where John had exited minutes earlier. Butterflies had set up house in the pit of her belly, and she smiled like she was sixteen again. Her mind could barely process what had just happened. Touching her cheek, where his fingers had been only a moment before, she turned slowly she made her way back to her room. She had a dinner to get ready for.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John had barely been able to focus on his meeting. He knew halfway through it, he should have cancelled, but it was too late at that point. Marlena’s eyes, her smell, her hair…all of it played through his mind. He wouldn’t remember a word that was said within two hours. 

He stood outside room 1267 at 8:05 pm, and found himself wondering for the fifth time in two hours, if this was a bad idea. He and Isabella had left Salem abruptly, and he’d not reached out to anyone since. The only one who knew where they were was Victor. John had not only left Salem behind, but he’d abandoned Eric, Sami, and Carrie. He’d never reached out to Bo, or Kim, or Kayla. Victor mentioned Caroline to him once, and John had gotten off of the phone almost immediately. The guilt was so overwhelming. 

Marlena was hurt. There was no getting around that. John had seen it in her eyes earlier, confusion, simmering with sadness, and it was going to come out. There was no way they could spend an entire evening together, for the first time in more than a year, and avoid difficult emotions. But, he knew, he couldn’t walk away. Even if this night ended poorly, he had to face her. He owed Marlena what he hadn’t given her. He owed her a chance for closure. Raising his hand, he took a deep breath, and he rapped on the door, and waited.

Marlena jumped at the sound of John’s solid knock on her door, and she continued to stare at herself in the mirror for a moment longer, glancing over her black cocktail dress. She’d never worn it before tonight. It had been an impulse buy the last time she was at Salem Place, and even when she’d packed for this trip, Roman had mumbled from his place on the bed, “I don’t know why you would pack that thing.”

Smoothing her hands over her hips, Marlena found peace in the smooth feel of the fabric under her palms. Because it was a wrap around dress, it was lower cut in the front than she would normally feel comfortable in; however, glancing over herself one last time, she smiled. She felt sexy, desirable, and she hadn’t felt like that in a long time. Taking a deep breath to steel herself, and grabbing her shawl and her clutch, she opened the door. 

John was standing there, wearing the same suit he’d been wearing earlier, a dark charcoal color, with a deep blue neck tie. She could only assume he’d come straight from his meeting. Smiling up at him, she whispered, “Hi.”

“Hi,” he said, glancing over the skin of her shoulders, and noticing how her dress hugged her body. Glancing over her neckline, wanting to run his fingers over the freckles that dotted her collarbone, he felt his throat tighten, and clearing it, he said, “Are you ready, Doc?”

“I am,” she said shyly, stepping into the hallway, and pulling the door behind her.

John didn’t know what to say, or where to start. If he could, he would just stare at her until something profound came to him. Instead, he simply reached for her hand, and started walking towards the elevator. Her skin was warm, against his, and he rubbed the pad of his thumb over her palm gently. It was such an intimate gesture. It felt almost sexual, but then John thought…for him, it was almost foreplay. He still wanted her. He still loved her. Rubbing his finger slowly over the palm of her hand wasn’t something he would do to anyone but Marlena. It was certainly not something a married man should be doing to a married woman. John was again wondering to himself if this dinner between friends, was a bad idea, and he said, “How’s Roman?” Safe subject. Stick to safe subjects.

Marlena looked up at him, disoriented from the way his finger slowly caressed her palm. They entered the elevator, and she watched John punch the button for the rooftop restaurant. She answered him in a haze, “He’s fine. He works a lot, and he’s done a few side jobs for the ISA.”

“That’s good. That’s good,” John said absently, forcing himself to release her hand. “How are the twinners, and Carrie?”

“Carrie’s in her second year of college. Sami and Eric are still in Colorado, although I’ve been begging them to come home. The house is so quiet.”

“What are they doing there?” John asked her.

“I, um, I was kidnapped a few months ago,” she said softly, listening to the soft whirring sound of the elevator. “…and once they found me, my trauma was pretty severe. It was better for them to go to Colorado, while I work through that. They went for Christmas, but the problem is, they don’t want to come home,” she whispered, looking at her feet.

He knew nothing. In fourteen moths a lifetime had passed him by, and he knew nothing about her, “Why didn’t I know this?”

“I’m not sure,” she said, looking up at him. “Victor was the one who hired the PI who found me. I would have thought you’d heard about it. I’d wondered…”

“Why I never checked on you? Doc, I didn’t know!” he said. He rarely spoke to Victor, it was too difficult to hear about the goings on in Salem. Isabella spoke to Victor several times a week. Doubt began to creep in, and John wondered if Isabella had know about Marlena’s kidnapping. She had to have known…she known and kept it from him? “When did this happen?”

“She—Stella Lombard, took me in October, but they didn’t find me until the end of November…” 

“How the fuck did I not know about this?”

The elevator dinged, and the doors started to open. Marlena found herself trying to think of an excuse to get out of this. It was going to be too painful, “Maybe this is a bad id—”

“—It’s not, Doc. Don’t…don’t shut me out,” he said softly, and in a near panic. Pulling her out of the elevator, and into a nearby corner, he told her, “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I should have been there!”

She closed her eyes tightly, and felt his hands brushing the hair from her shoulders lightly. Looking up at John, the tears in her eyes, made it hard to see, and she blinked rapidly, hoping they would dissipate. They didn’t, so she found herself wiping at them harshly, angry at herself for crying, and they hadn’t even eaten yet. She couldn’t think, and the words that had been haunting her for over a year tumbled from her lips, “You left me.”

“I know,” he replied, feeling like the biggest coward. His hands cupped her face, and he said, “Just stay, please? Eat dinner with me tonight. Let’s talk. Just talk, but please, Doc, don’t leave me now.”

She wanted to fall into him and disappear. “Okay,” she said, wiping at her cheeks again. Taking a deep breath, to steady herself, she said again, “Okay.”

Chapter 2

When they reached the hostess, Marlena heard John ask for a secluded table, and saw him slip the girl a fifty dollar bill. They were seated in a private corner, near the rear of the restaurant, with a view of the San Francisco Bay. It was a beautiful view, easy to see the lights of the surrounding city, simply because the interior lights were so dim. One small candle lit the small, intimate, table. 

Once they sat down, both of them simply stared at each other for a moment, unsure of what to say, or where to start after fourteen months apart. John reached for her hand, needed to feel the heat of her skin again. She watched him stroke the top of her hand for a moment, and then Marlena finally said bluntly, “You were my best friend, John. Whatever else we were, you were my best friend, and you simply left. You owed me an explanation. A phone call. You owed me something.”

“There’s no excuse for that,” he replied. “I know that. I—I knew it as soon as I left, but I couldn’t bring myself to fix it.”

“Then why? Why did you do it?”

He hesitated, because the truth…his truth…was painful. He owed Marlena the truth, so he said, “It was over. I wasn’t Roman. The kids weren’t mine. The house wasn’t mine. The job, the house…you. None of it was mine, and it would have hurt too much to stay, and continue to wish it was.”

Marlena felt her rage boil up inside her. Leaning forward she whispered harshly, “And you thought I wasn’t hurting, John? What did you think that would do to me?”

He felt confused, and he said, “You had Roman.”

“Did I? Do I?” she whispered sadly, turning to look out over the San Francisco skyline. She didn’t have Roman. She had a husband, who lived in her home, fucked her occasionally, and rarely acknowledged her existence. 

“What do you mean?” he asked her, suddenly confused.

“My children won’t come home, John. Roman is constantly working, and you, the one person I thought would always be there for me, no matter what, you fucking left me,” she whispered in a quiet rage. “I do not have Roman. I have a husband who loves his job more than his family. Sure he occasionally shows me some affection, but not enough. I go to work, and come home to an empty house. I eat alone. I don’t even have a fucking cat, because Roman is allergic,” she said, feeling hot tears fall down her cheeks again.

Marlena’s language caught him off guard. She was hurting. He could feel it nearly vibrating off of her. John was usually the one with the colorful language. Her demeanor was such that he could tell she was barely holding herself together. When their server arrived, John looked at them, asking, “Can we order dinner, and have it delivered to my room?”

“Yes, sir, we can do that. Which room are you in?” the young man replied.

“The Presidential Suite,” John said, glancing over the menu. “Can we get the salmon with the asparagus and the roast chicken with the broccoli?”

The server scribbled furiously on his notepad, and said, “Starch?”

“Potatoes. Throw in a bottle of scotch as well,” John said standing up, and handing the server nearly $300. “Keep the change.”

With a look of complete shock, the young man said, “Thank you, sir. I’ll take care of it right now.”

Marlena looked up at John, with such a look of sadness that it nearly broke his heart, and then glanced at his outstretched hand, “John?”

“This conversation, baby…it isn’t meant to be had in public,” he said softly, taking her hand again, and leading her away. She followed behind him in a daze, feeling growing sense of inevitability.

She felt too vulnerable, to emotionally exposed. Outside the restaurant she pulled her hand away from him, and said, “I need to go back to my room.”

John stepped closer saying, in a voice barely above a whisper, “No. We’re talking about this. Tonight.”

How could she tell him she didn’t trust herself alone with him. How could she tell him that his mere touch of her hand, had her body aching for him to fill it? She couldn’t, and so, she stumbled over what to say, “I—I…”

With tears in his eyes, he begged her, “Don’t leave me. I have to fix this.”

“You can’t,” she said crying softly.

“I have to try, Doc. Please? Please, let me try? Come to my room, have dinner, and let’s talk…in private.”

She didn’t answer him. Her throat was too tight, and choked up. All she could do was stare into his glassy eyes, and nod her head once.

As soon as she entered his room, she was surrounded by his scent. The door closed softly behind her, and she stood there helplessly, at a complete loss, as to what she should do with herself. The intimacy was almost too much. This was his space. It smelled like him. John approached her, taking her shawl and her clutch from her hands, and placing them on a chair. “Come sit with me,” he said pulling her towards the couch. “Are you thirsty, Doc?”

“No,” she said softly, removing her shoes, and sitting on the couch. She pulled her feet up underneath her, and watched John grab a bottle of water from a mini fridge, waiting waited for him to join her. Trying to say something that might break the tension, she said, “Tell me about your baby.”

John looked at her, with a huge smile, full of pride, “A boy. We named him Brady. He’s nine months old.”

“Brady,” she said with a small smile. “Do Shawn and Caroline know you named him Brady?”

“No,” he said, looking at his water, feeling the guilt rise up in him. “Not unless Victor told Caroline in passing.”

Marlena sighed softly, “I don’t understand, John. Explain it to me. Please.” She leaned forward, touching his arm, “You left the only family you’ve ever known, and you just disappeared. I don’t even know where you live. Certainly not here.”

“We’re in…we’re in San Diego,” he said. “I have an office there. I started a security firm.”

Marlena smiled, playing with the small velvet ribbon that fixed her dress in place, “A security firm. I’m not surprised.”

“Doc, staying in Salem…it would have been too hard. On Isabella. On me.”

“Why would staying have been hard on Isabella? Her father lived there. John that makes no sense.”

“She…she’s very insecure about you,” he said.

Marlena smirked, revering when Isabella had confronted her, “Oh, that?”

“What do you mean?” he asked her.

“Nothing. I meant nothing,” she said, changing the subject. “So, you’re married?”

“I’m not going to drop it, Doc. What do mean by that comment?”

Sighing she said, “Isabella confronted me once. She accused me of holding onto you, and Roman. She said I was being selfish, and I couldn’t have you both, so I needed to let you go. She said that I had left, and I didn’t have the right to come back, and cause so much upheaval. So yes, I know she was insecure about me, and your friendship with me.”

John was quiet, finally saying, “You never told me.”

“What difference would it have made, John? Evidently, she never told you either,” Marlena said, feeling snarky. “Isabella didn’t like me. I’m fairly certain she still doesn’t. I’m not surprised by that.”

“She felt like if we left, we could start fresh,” he told her. Isabella had insisted that they needed to leave Salem. John had agreed, because she was pregnant, her blood pressure was high, and he wanted to cut down on her stress.

“You should have said goodbye, John,” Marlena whispered. “I deserved that much. The children deserved that much.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it,” he whispered.

“So, you were a coward?” she said bitterly. She stood up quickly, going to stand beside the floor to ceiling window overlooking the city. “I never pegged you for a coward, John.”

A knock sounded on the door, and John answered it, allowing someone from room service to wheel in a cart carrying their food. The girl looked at John, and said, “Would you like me to plate everything, Mr. Black?”

“No. Can you just leave it? We’ll take care of it ourselves,” he said, handing her $20. After the girl left, John asked her, “Are you hungry, Doc?”

“No, but you can pour me a drink,” she replied, eyeing the bottle of scotch.

Grabbing the bottle from the cart and two glasses, John said, “Scotch it is, although I’m not sure I recommend it on an empty stomach.”

“I’ll eat in a little bit,” she told him. She took the drink he handed her, and slid to the floor, sitting with her back against the couch. Pulling her knees up, she rested her cheek on them, and said to John, “Abe and Lexie had a baby.”

John slid down beside her, wondering how she could look so sexy, “They did?”

“A girl. Named her after you, actually,” Marlena said, lifting her head, and sipping her drink, feeling the burn as it went down.

“After me?” he asked with a laugh. “They named their daughter John?”

Marlena laughed, “G-d, no! Johanna Carver. She’s a beautiful baby.” She finished her drink, and asked him, “Did you even wonder about us? About me?” 

“Every holiday, Doc. Every birthday…of course, I wondered,” he said, turning to look at her. “I wondered every damn day. I wondered how you were doing. If you were happy…if you missed me?”

“Did you want to call?”

“I almost did. At least a hundred times, over the last year, I would find myself at my desk, with my hand on the telephone ready to call you,” he said softly. “But I would stop myself.”

She handed him her empty glass, and he refilled it, handing it back. Looking at him, she asked, “Why? Why did you stop yourself?”

“What would I say?” he told her with a shrug. “I felt like shit, Doc. I didn’t know what to say. Leaving was such an impulsive decision, done when I was in so much pain. I didn’t know how to explain that…not over the phone.”

“You should have called, John!” she said in frustration. Unable to keep it locked inside, she started crying again, “I loved you! You knew, I loved you, and you left. You didn’t talk to me about it! You didn’t ask me what I wanted! You just left me!”

“Doc! You were married to Roman! Isabella was pregnant! What other choice did we have?” he said, getting equally upset. Marlena threw back the scotch, relishing the burn of it, and handed him the glass. John looked at her, and shook his head, “No, Doc. We need to eat. Sitting here, having an emotional conversation while knocking back a bottle of scotch, is not going to end well.”

“Maybe,” she said slowly. “Maybe, I just wanted to feel like I was an option. A consideration. But I wasn’t, was I?”

Her pain was slowly breaking him, “Doc! You were always a consideration.”

“I wasn’t a fucking consideration! Don’t start lying to me now,” she said, leaning forward, and snatching the scotch bottle from his hand. John watched helplessly as she turned the bottle up into her mouth, completely disregarding the glass. She took three long gulps, before handing it back to John. He took it, and tipped some of the liquid into his own mouth.

“I thought about you,” he said. “I thought—I thought if I left, maybe, just maybe, you and Roman would have a better chance.” John was watching her, and realizing how much pain she was actually in. He whispered, “I loved you so much, Doc. I wanted to give you that chance.”

She cried, “You didn’t even bother to ask me what I wanted.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, setting the scotch bottle on the table, and touching her face softly. “I’m so fucking sorry, Doc.”

She was so lost in her life. So lonely. Surrounded by people, and yet she felt like she was the only person in the room, most of the time. The alcohol must be getting to her, so she stood up, saying, “I think I should go.”

“Why?” John asked her, getting to his feet quickly. “Because, the conversation is hard? Because, I hurt you?”

Crying without reserve, she said, “I’m so tired of hurting, John. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of feeling alone, but yet that’s all I am. I’m alone. Even when Roman is home, even when he’s making love to me…I’m alone! Stella had me in a pit for over a month! I almost died, and when I came home…” She wobbled slightly on her feet. Walking back to the window, she muttered, “I should just get a fucking cat.”

John started laughing, snatching up the scotch bottle, and walking towards her, realizing they were probably both a little drunk, “If you want a cat. Get a cat. Get three cats, Doc. Fuck Roman.” He took a long draw from the bottle, handing it to her.

Marlena drank, and then said, “Three cats?” as if she’d never considered it. Then she said sadly, “Roman’s allergic. Even though he’s never home.” Tipping the bottle up to her mouth, she drank some more scotch.

John reached for the bottle, took it from her gently, and placed it on a nearby book shelf. He hurt for her. He’d left Salem. To ease his own pain, to make Isabella happy, to give Marlena’s marriage with Roman a chance, and yet, it still hurt him, just as much in that moment, as it had fourteen months before. Marlena’s marriage to Roman didn’t seem to be on solid ground. The only one in the whole deal that seemed content was Isabella. 

She stood there crying, and said, “This hurts, John. It hurts so much! I just wish—I wish you…I need to go.” Marlena started walking towards where her shoes laid on the floor near the sofa.

John caught up with her. He ran around the other side of the couch and caught her. Gripping her upper arms, he held her, “I don’t want you to leave like this.”

“Why not? You can go back to your security company in San Diego, and your wife, and son. I can go back to…an empty house,” she said, angrily wiping tears from her face. Marlena knew she was feeling sorry for herself, but life was so unfair. John had taken any choice she might have had away from her, and left her with the miserable shell of a life that she currently lived. 

“I don’t want this to be how we leave each other tonight…”

“But sneaking away with Isabella was okay? Why? Because you didn’t have to deal with my tears?” she asked him angrily, stepping closer. “You didn’t have to watch me beg you to stay?”

Fire lit her eyes, and tears were streaked across her cheeks, along with her make up, and she had never looked so fucking sexy in her her life. John threaded his hands into her hair, and said, “Doc…”

“Let me go,” she whispered heavily.

He pushed her into the wall by the door, pinning her there, “Not until we finish this talk.”

“Finish it?” she laughed sarcastically, trying to get away from him. “What is there to say? What is there to do?”

Chapter 3

John was angry. He was hurt, and lost. He was feeling regret that nearly destroyed him, and he was drunk. Gripping her hair tightly, he kissed her, his lips landing on hers with a force neither of them were prepared for. His mouth played over hers over, and over again, as she tried to hold back her sobs. He wouldn’t stop. His mouth begged her to respond, to react to him. Slowly, John felt her hands make their way into his hair. She sobbed into his mouth, and she started kissing him back, as if it were the first time, and the last time all at once. When his tongue licked across her lips, he tasted the salt of her tears, and the scotch they’d been drinking. She gasped into his mouth, as his tongue swept over hers.

He needed more, to be closer. One of his arms wrapped around her hips, and pulled her forward roughly. Marlena sighed, and John relaxed her quickly, stepping away from her, and breathing roughly. His hands clenched tightly against his thighs, and he said, “Tell me to stop, Doc.” 

He stared at her for barely a second, before she untied the velvet ribbon at her waist, allowing her dress to fall open. Her breasts were barely contained in a black lace Demi bra, and the matching panties were a strip of fabric between her creamy thighs. John’s fingers itched to touch her skin. He wanted to run his hands over her thigh-high stockings. The contrast of black against her skin had his cock throbbing violently. 

He was married. She was married. They both knew they should stop, and they both knew they weren’t going to. John continued to stand there, watching her, and breathing heavily, as she released the front clasp on her bra. Her breasts swayed free, and John was unable to stand it any longer. His mouth dove to take her nipple into his mouth, sucking deeply, and Marlena’s head fell back against the wall, as she cried out, “Fuck!”

John pulled off of her breast, and his hands gripped the back of her thighs, lifting her high against the wall, “We should stop.”

“No!” Marlena cried. “No! Don’t stop.” Her nails scratched over his scalp, pulling at his hair, and her lips bit at the tender skin along his jaw, while she murmured, “Please, don’t stop.”

“Take off my tie, and unbutton my shirt,” he rasped, in between gentle sucks along her collarbone. As Marlena’s fingers deftly removed his necktie, and worked their way down the buttons of his dress shirt, while John used one hand to remove his belt, and wrench his pants open, releasing his throbbing cock. 

Marlena knew she was drunk, she could feel the alcohol in her veins, releasing her inhibitions, and making her feel wild, “John! Please! I need you!”

His fingers gripped the gusset to her panties, pulling it to the side, and he lined his cock up with her entrance. John stared into her eyes, and rasped out, “Are you sure?”

“Don’t stop, John. Please don’t stop.”

He slid into her moist heat, and pushed deep, as deep as he could go, and he groaned in bliss, “You feel so fucking good, baby…so fucking good.”

John’s hips started to move, long fast strokes, making Marlena feel empty and full in the span of a single second. Every thrust, created friction and drag against her clit, and Marlena’s high pitched gasps sounded in his ears like a symphony. Her nails raked over the skin of his back, leaving deep red lines in her wake. John absorbed her cries, realizing he’d missed the sounds she made when they were together. They make love like a raging inferno, against the wall of his hotel room, unable to get their clothing all of the way off before they joined. It was wild, and explosive, and there was no way to stop it, because it was inevitable.

Their naked bodies tangled together in the bed, and all through the night, John would reach for Marlena. They would come together again, unable to hold back. Just before dawn, John woke to the feel of Marlena’s lips against his neck, and her gentle pleas, “Make love to me, John…just once more, make love to me.”

Rolling her onto her back, he’d lifted her leg high, sliding into her with a heavy groan. Her pussy was swollen, and pulling at him with a wet heat, and even though he’d held back the whole of their night together, John whispered in her ear, “I love you, Doc. I fucking love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” she cried, tears flowing from her eyes. “I love you, too.”

Two hours later, Marlena wiped at her tears again, as she left a note for John, and quietly slipped from his room. In her own room, she sobbed in the shower, and packed her bags quickly. She knew, if she saw John again, she would never be able to let him go. In a single moment, alone in her room, she gave him up, and she said goodbye.

The Following Morning

John woke alone in his bed the following morning. He knew she was gone before he even opened his eyes. The bed was cold beside him, when he reached his hand over. Looking towards the clock he saw a note, leaning against the lamp. She’d left him a note. A fucking note. He couldn’t even look at it, because he knew what she’d say. They’d made a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake. He’d known exactly what he was doing. He could admit he was drunk, and maybe if he’d been sober, he wouldn’t have let it go as far as it did, but he didn’t regret it. It wasn’t right, but he didn’t regret it. Rolling over, John sat up, and reached for the folded slip of hotel stationary she’d left behind.

John,

I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have done that, but I won’t lie, and say I regret it, because I don’t. Being able to have one last night with you, was amazing. I won’t ever regret that. I don’t want to ruin your marriage, and the life you’ve built with Isabella and Brady. That was never my intention. 

I love you. I will always love you, Marlena

John sighed rubbing his hands over his face roughly. He’d barely gotten three hours of sleep. He’d made love to Marlena four times throughout the night, and if she were with him right now, he knew he would do it again. His body craved her like a drug. He felt his cock stirring at the thought of sliding into her. His muscles were sore, and even though he needed more sleep, this room held too many memories for him to stay.

Walking into his home that evening, John felt some guilt, but he told his wife nothing about the affair he’d just had. It would hurt her, so he kept it to himself. Kissing over Brady’s face, John settled into the life he had chosen fourteen months ago, albeit a little bit sadder.

Later that night, as he rested his hands against the shower walls, and his head hand low, his wife studied the deep red lines on his back and shoulders with a growing sense of rage. He’d cheated on her. He’d told her it was a business trip, and he’d been fucking someone else. Stepping out of the doorway, Isabella softly closed the door.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena arrived home, and was surprised to see Roman’s car in the driveway. During her flight home, her whole body was sore, from her night with John. Every twinge, every ache, and every spasm, caused delicious memories, and a deep ache in her body. She felt like she should feel guilty, but all she felt was sadness. A profound sadness, as if she had lost John all over again.

When she entered the house, Roman came out of the kitchen, and said, “I thought you weren’t coming home until Friday.”

“There wasn’t anything new to learn, so I decided to come home early,” she told him, shrugging off her coat, and setting down her bag. Roman walked over to her, kissing her on the cheek, just as she dropped her purse, and the business card she had taken from John’s wallet fell to the floor. 

Roman picked it up, glancing at it, and looked at Marlena suspiciously, “What’s this?”

“I ran into John in San Francisco,” she said carefully, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice, and reaching for the business card.

Roman pulled the card back quickly, holding onto it, “Is that where he lives? San Francisco?” 

“No, he was there for business. He’s living in San Diego,” she said with frustration. “Can you give it back?”

“He left, Doc, with Isabella, and it’s a good thing too. We don’t need him back here,” Roman told her, as he started walking toward the fireplace.

Marlena panicked, running after him. She grabbed Roman’s wrist, and pulled the card back, saying with a voice full of anger, “I asked you to give it back to me!”

Roman looked at her carefully, “I don’t want that man back here, Doc. I don’t want him near my family, and I don’t want him near my kids.”

“They’re our kids, Roman…and they aren’t a possession. Besides, just because John left, doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to have a way to contact him,” Marlena said. “And if you haven’t noticed, our children aren’t even here. Carrie is in Paris with Anna, and Sami and Eric are in Colorado.”

“Why would you need a way to contact him?” Roman said , his voice growing louder. “I’ve told you a million times, Doc! You don’t know what his hypnotic trigger is.”

“He doesn’t have one, Roman! I’ve done hypnosis on him at least forty times, and he doesn’t have one!” she yelled. She felt tears streaming from her eyes. Her heightened emotions the night before, combined with leaving John that morning, were too much for her. This argument was so old, and she didn’t have the patience for it.

Roman stared at her, unaware that she’d been John’s friend and therapist, before she was his lover. Marlena knew there was a lot Roman would never know, because she wouldn’t tell him, and because he was too prideful to ask. Furious that he had no control over her, he said, “So John’s your fucking pen pal now?”

She couldn’t answer him. She couldn’t say she needed to keep the business card, because sometimes she was so lonely she thought she might die from it. She couldn’t say she was keeping the business card, because sometimes she craved the sound of John’s voice so badly, it was an ache deep in her soul. So she said nothing. She tucked the card into her wallet, and returned it to her purse. Picking up her bag, she went upstairs.

That afternoon, Roman happened to walk into their bedroom as Marlena was changing into a pair of sweatpants. He saw the bruises on her thighs, as if someone had gripped her tightly, and he felt a rage like no other rise up in his soul. He knew what she’d done. Roman left for another ISA mission that night. Marlena went to her local animal shelter and got three cats. Then she named one of them Jon.

Chapter 4

April 1993

The pregnancy test was positive. Marlena stared at it in shock. She was pregnant, and now she had to tell Roman. She didn’t know who was the father. It could be Roman, but in her heart, she knew, it was likely John. She was going to need a blood test, there was no other option. Running her hand softly over her stomach, she wondered if she was carrying John’s child, and she found that she wanted it, more than anything, to be his baby. 

Roman had come home late last night, and she could hear him downstairs. Sighing deeply, she decided to get the conversation over with, before he left for the day. Given Roman’s work schedules, she might not see him again for days. Wrapping herself in her robe, she headed downstairs. Just as she reached the bottom, she saw Roman already at the front door, shrugging into his coat.

“Roman, I needed to speak with you before you leave,” she said softly.

“Doc, I’m in a hurry. McCall is waiting for me, so she can file this report,” he said, waving a folder in front of himself for emphasis. He was angry with her. He had been since he’d realized that she’d slept with John in San Francisco. The bruises he’d seen on her body, and the sadness she’d carried in her eyes for the past two months, were a testament to that.

“I’m pregnant,” Marlena said quickly, wanting to get the words out as fast as possible.

Roman stopped moving, halting in his tracks. He stared at her. It was several seconds before he said, “You gonna call John, and tell him he’s about to be a daddy again?”

“It—it could be your child…there’s a chance it could be yours. I’ll need to do a blood test,” she whispered.

“Don’t fuck with me, Doc. It’s John’s baby. I saw the bruises on you when you came back from San Francisco,” Roman said in low voice. “Your thighs looked like someone had been grabbing at you pretty hard. How did he do it, huh? Fucking you against a wall would be my guess,” he sneered. “I never knew you liked it a little kinky,” Roman told her. “If I’d known that it might have saved our marriage.” 

He turned to walk out the door, and stopped, when Marlena said softly, “I’ll do the blood test…I wanted to tell you first. I owe you that much,” she whispered.

Facing her, Roman said with thinly veiled contempt, “You don’t owe me anything, Doc. You’ll have divorce papers by the end of the week. I’m not raising someone else’s bastard.”

Marlena lifted her chin with pride, looking into Roman’s eyes, “I wasn’t asking you, too. I’ll need a few days to find a place, and move out,” she said. Getting a divorce was almost a relief. 

Right before he stormed out of the house, Roman said, “Take your fucking cats with you.”

The echo of the slamming door still rang in her head five minutes later. Marlena thought about crying. She thought about falling to the floor and sobbing at the way her life had turned out, but she didn’t. Placing her palm over her abdomen lightly, she smiled. She’d do the blood test, just to be sure, but this was John’s baby. She could feel it. She sat on the stairs, leaning her head against the wall when Jon climbed into her lap, and curled up, purring contentedly. Her other two cats, which she had named Strawberry and West Virginia, only loved her when the food bowl was empty; however, Jon, the tabby with one eye, and missing half an ear – he loved her and cuddled her all of the time.

Petting his fur softly, Marlena said, “So, Jon…we’re moving. I hope you and the girls are up for that.” He responded by bumping her hand in an effort to get more pets. “This is—this is going to be hard,” she murmured. “I guess…I need to plan a trip to Colorado.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena sat in the staff lounge at the hospital a week later, with the blood test results in her hand. The whole hospital knew already. Roman knew who to talk to in order to get gossip trolling through Salem. A loud complaint to Abe or Bo within earshot of the right person, and everyone knew of her infidelity within a matter of days. Yet, even that couldn’t wipe the smile from her face at knowing John was the father of her baby. The door to the lounge opened, and Marlena quickly folded the paper, wiping tears from her cheeks.

“It’s just me, Marlena,” Alice said softly. 

“Oh, Alice,” Marlena said.

Sitting across from her, Alice took Marlena’s hand in hers, “When you were married, you and John had a great love. Tom and I would often speak of it. Sometimes, the love in our hearts is stronger than our minds, and it can’t be fought.”

Marlena started crying again, and whispered, “I’m pregnant.”

Alice responded, “I know, Darling.”

“It’s John’s.”

“You’re sure?” Alice asked her.

“I’m sure,” Marlena said with a tiny smile. “The blood test came back today.”

“Do you have a plan? What are you going to do?”

“I’m looking at an apartment today…but…” Marlena looked down, and her voice trailed off. “I don’t have money for a security deposit right now. I bought a ticket to Colorado. I have to see the twins, tell them what’s going on…before Roman…”

“Marlena,” Alice said softly. “Don’t you have a savings account?”

Marlena wiped at her tears furiously, “I did…and now I don’t.”

Alice knew, without an explanation, that Roman had cleared the account, leaving Marlena penniless. She also knew that Marlena would never tell her that. The evening prior, she’d discussed with Tom, Roman’s smear campaign against his wife. So, taking all of the money from a joint savings account, as a way to get back at Marlena…Alice wouldn’t be surprised, and if Shawn and Caroline knew, they’d be ashamed. Squeezing Marlena’s hand, Alice told her, “Tom and I will pay the security deposit, Marlena.”

“No!” she said quickly. “I—I can’t ask you to do that. It’ll be fine. My next paycheck, I’ll search for an apartment.”

“You are going to focus on taking care of yourself, and your baby. Tom and I are going to help you with the apartment.”

“I can pay you back,” Marlena replied.

“My payment will be getting to see that beautiful baby whenever I want to. I can be the honorary Grandmother.”

Marlena smiled through her tears, “Alice? Has anyone ever told you how amazing you are?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena sat on the edge of her bed, and stared at John’s business card for quite awhile before she finally worked up the nerve to contact him. When she’d left him in San Francisco, she’d told herself it was over. She’d let him go, and walked away, giving him the opportunity to continue his life with Isabella and Brady. Being pregnant changed everything. She had to let him know. She dialed the number, and waited.  

“Hello, Black Securities,” the receptionist said.

“Hello, I was wondering if I might be able to speak with John Black?” Marlena said softly.

“He’s not in the office today. His son is ill, and all calls are being forwarded to his home. Would you like me to forward the call?” the woman asked her.

Marlena thought about it, and said, “Yes. Yes, can you forward the call?”

She heard clicking, and then it started to ring again. Marlena sighed when Isabella picked up the telephone, “Hello?”

“Isabella? It’s Marlena,” Marlena said softly.

Isabella’s mind flashed an image of John’s back, marred by scratches in the shower two months prior, and she felt herself vibrate with fury. Had he cheated on her with Marlena? Isabella said, “Why are you calling my home?”

“I needed to speak with John,” Marlena replied. “It’s important.”

“John is busy getting his son ready for bed,” Isabella said. “I can take a message.”

Marlena sighed, “It’s very important that I speak with him personally. I wouldn’t call otherwise.”

“I’ll tell him you called,” Isabella said, and then she hung up the phone. 

Marlena replaced the telephone receiver, and stared at it with sadness. She knew, John would never receive the message. Isabella would never tell him she’d called. Marlena stood up slowly, and reached for her single piece of luggage. She had a plane to catch, so she could explain her impending divorce to Eric and Sami. 

Isabella’s heart was racing as she stared at her telephone. She’d hung up on Marlena. If John found out he’d be furious. Isabella was at the end of her rope. John had woken her twice since his return from San Francisco, murmuring in his sleep. On one occasion he’d groaned, and said, “Yes…right there, baby…right there!” When she’d questioned him, he said he’d been dreaming of her. Then he’d proceeded to make love to her, and prove he was dreaming of her. The second time, he’d reached for her in his sleep, and murmured, “Doc…fuck, Doc, I want you so bad…”. Isabella remembered smacking his hand away from her, and screaming for him not to touch her. An accident, he’d said. He couldn’t control what he dreamed.

She snatched the phone up quickly, and called John’s office. When the receptionist picked up, Isabella said, “Barbara? You forwarded a call here, from a woman. If a woman ever calls the office, looking to speak with John again, please get her name. If she won’t give her name, throw out the message. We moved to California because John was being stalked by his ex-wife, Marlena Evans. Please, Barbara, if she calls, don’t forward the message. It’s so upsetting for John. He’s trying to make a new life with me, and our baby, and that woman has done nothing but cause problems for us. Now she’s found out where we are.”

“That’s horrible, Mrs. Black, but shouldn’t you report it to the police? It’s harassment. At least get a restraining order.”

“No…No we just want to forget about it completely,” Isabella said with rehearsed sadness. 

“Well, thank you for letting me know. I’m so sorry,” Barbara said. “I’ll do better at screening the calls from now on.”

Isabella was hanging up the phone with a smile, when John came downstairs, holding Brady. “This little man is bathed, and feeling much better,” John said with a huge smile. “Who was that on the phone?”

“It was a wrong number,” she replied, stepping close to her husband, running her hand over his t-shirt covered chest, and kissing her son. “Nothing to worry about.”

“You sure? Because Barbara’s supposed to be forwarding my business calls,” John said.

Isabella laughed lightly, “Barbara also knows that you have a family, and you’re home taking care of your son, because he’s ill. John, you can’t work constantly. If it’s important, she’ll let us know.”

“You’re right,” he said softly, handing Brady to her. “I’m going to go, and shower really quickly. You’ll be okay with Brady?”

“I’m fine,” she said, as John kissed her cheek softly. “You ready for bed?” she asked Brady, reaching for the bottle she had prepared. “Let’s go read a book, and get you settled in bed.”

A few minutes later, John stood in the shower, thinking of Marlena, and felt his cock start to lengthen. Every time he allowed himself to think of their night together, his body would react. He rested his open palm against the cold marble and reached for his dick, wrapping his hand around himself snuggly. John moaned, squeezing his length and imagining Marlena’s mouth on him, like she had the night in the hotel.

“Fuck, Doc…baby…your mouth…” he rasped. “Your mouth is fucking amazing…”

She pulled off of him, and whispered in a husky voice, “I can do other things that are amazing.” Taking him back into her mouth, she wrapped her fingers around his balls, pulling down, and causing a delicious pain to start at the base of his spine.

“Yes…right there, baby…right there!” he’d cried, losing himself in her mouth, as his back arched up off of the bed.

John couldn’t stop the glide of his hand along his cock, and he couldn’t stop the memories of that night from bombarding him. The heat of the water, the memories of their bodies tangled together, all coalesced in his mind into one pinpoint image of Marlena’s head thrown back against the wall, and the swollen lips of her mouth parted in ecstasy. John’s orgasm hit him with the force of a train wreck, and he groaned low in his throat, “Fuck…Doc….G-d, Doc…”

He rolled his body, so his back rested against the cool marble, and he allowed himself to slide to the floor of the shower. His dick continued to twitch, and a sadness that consumed his whole soul washed over him. John felt like allowing himself one night with Marlena had been a torture he might never recover from.

Chapter 5

Marlena sat across from Eric and Sami on the sofa in her parents living room. She’d arrived before lunch, which she’d eaten with her family, and then her parents had gone to run errands so she could speak to the children. They were silent while she explained to them that she and Roman were getting a divorce. When she told them about John and the pregnancy, she’d watched as Eric’s face changed to anger, and Sami seemed sympathetic. Marlena had prepared herself for their reactions. She knew that the potential for anger was there, and in a way, she felt it was justified. No child should have to go through the upheaval they had experienced. 

Enraged, Eric stared at his mother, and whispered in low tones, “You brought him into our home…you said we were a family, and now…how could you allow Dad—John—to leave us, to walk away from us…only to do this?” He’d lost the only father he’d ever known. Eric  had struggled with living in his home with an angry stranger. Someone who was barely home, but when he had been, he’d never been happy with any of them. What was it all for, if this was how it ended?

“It’s not like she planned it this way, doofus,” Sami said. “I don’t think she ran Daddy off, replaced him with the real Roman Brady, and then decided to cheat with Daddy. This wasn’t intentional, Eric.” Sami knew why Eric was angry. She and Eric were as close as siblings could be. They shared everything, and their pain over losing John, that was something they both understood. While Eric was angry, Sami saw the situation as inevitable. Of course, fate found a way to bring John and Marlena back together.

“I came to tell you in person,” Marlena told them softly. “This isn’t the type of information I wanted to give you over the telephone. Eric, I understand your anger. I do, and I don’t blame you for it.”

“Dad left us! He walked away, and he didn’t even bother to say goodbye! Now you’ve run into him in San Francisco and gotten pregnant. Roman has a right to be angry,” Eric told his mother. “Make up your mind!”

“Come on, Eric! You’re being really unfair. Mom and Roman argued almost all the time, anyway,” Sami said.

“Sami!” Marlena was surprised. She’d known that she was unhappy with Roman, but she’d felt she did a good job of hiding it. Evidently not.

“It’s true, Mom,” Sami responded. “I know he’s our father, but I could barely stand the way he treated you. After you were kidnapped…that’s why we left, we couldn’t watch him treat you that way anymore.”

Marlena was surprised, “What are you talking about?”

“You had a nightmare…one night after you were rescued. I was worried, because you’d screamed, but when I got to your room,” Sami looked down, and said, “…he was yelling at you for waking him up. He was telling you it ‘high time you get over it’. I couldn’t deal with that…so, when we went to Colorado for Christmas, Eric and I decided to stay.”

“I’m sorry, “ Marlena cried. “I’m so sorry! I thought—I was trying to make a home for you and Eric. I was trying to keep the family together!”

“You’d have been better off finding a way to get Dad to stick around,” Eric said, right before he walked out of the room.

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena cried into her hands. 

“Don’t worry about Eric, Mom,” Sami said reassuringly. “He’ll come around. I know he will. Just give him some time.”

“I’ve messed everything up.”

Sami moved to sit beside Marlena on the couch, putting her arm around her mother, “You know, school will be over in a couple weeks. I think, I’m going to come home.”

“I’ll have space for you. I’m getting an apartment. It’s a three bedroom,” Marlena said. “It’s not a lot, but it’s in a great neighborhood.”

“Mom, I’m glad that you and Roman are divorcing. He didn’t love you, or appreciate you the way he should. Roman didn’t treat you the way Dad did. Dad thought you hung the moon,” Sami said softly. “Have you—have you called Dad? Does he know about the baby?”

“I called,” Marlena said softly. “Isabella answered. She said she would tell him I called.”

Sami studied her mother for a moment. Her eyes shifted quickly before coming back to land on Sami. Sami asked her, “What aren’t you telling me, Mom?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”

“If we’re going to do this…if we’re going to be partners, you have to be straight with me.”
“You sound like a middle aged woman,” Marlena laughed. “Besides, who said we were going to be partners. You’re barely sixteen.”

“I believe once you pass the halfway mark in the year…that makes me almost seventeen,” Sami replied with a cheeky grin. “And almost seventeen puts me fairly close to eighteen.”

Marlena smiled, but said, “I fail to understand your logic.”

“It doesn’t matter, Mom. Roman’s an asshole. He’s my father, fine, but he’s been an asshole ever since he came back,” Sami said. “I’m coming home, and you and I…we’re going to get through this together. When Eric is done being a whiny baby, he can come home too.”

Marlena touched Sami’s face gently, “Eric is hurting, Sami. That’s all. Life hasn’t been easy for you two. You’re right, he’ll come around eventually.”

“So, tell me the truth Mom, what happened when you spoke with Isabella?”

“She hung up on me.”

“What a bitch!” Sami said loudly. “She was always jealous of you, even before you came home.” Marlena looked surprised, but said nothing. “I got angry one day because she was taking down photos of you.”

“You did?”

“She was moving in, because she and Dad had gotten engaged. There was one of you with Eric and Me…and Dad. I remember throwing a huge tantrum, and Dad promised to leave it there, but I could tell she didn’t like it.”

Marlena wasn’t sure what to say, so she mumbled, “Some people are…insecure.”

“So?” Sami asked.

“So, what?”

“Are you gonna call him back? To tell him about the baby?” Sami asked her excitedly. “You know, he’d want to know.”

Marlena felt guilt creeping over her like a thick vine, “I wouldn’t keep this from him. I’ll try again in a week or so.”

“Mom?”

“Yeah?” Marlena replied slightly distracted.

“No matter what, he’s going to need to know.”

“I know that. I do. I just worry about what this will do to his marriage to Isabella. I worry about it destroying the family he’s built.”

“Well, I’m going to be a little blunt here,” Sami said. “The two of you should have worried about that before you had sex.”

“Samantha Gene Brady!”
“Mom, I’ve sat through sex education every year since sixth grade. Condoms…I know what they’re used for. Don’t act so shocked,” Sami replied. “But, don’t take on the burden of the guilt Mom, it takes two people to do the deed.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

On the flight back to Salem, Marlena pulled the divorce papers out of her bag. She’d read over them at least five times. Roman wanted the house. He’d already cleared their joint savings account, so there was nothing she could do on that front. He was allowing her some of the furniture, which he’d had listed for reference. None of it was anything she wanted. She could fight him, or she could sign the papers. 

Marlena placed her palm over where the baby rested inside her, and she smiled. This was her chance to be a mother again, and with John’s baby. Even knowing that everything was messed up and complicated, even knowing that her marriage was over, and John’s could be in peril, Marlena found herself joyful, even excited. Having John’s child gave her a part of him she might otherwise never have. She knew the rationale was convoluted, even immature. It didn’t matter, the child growing within her was worth anything.

She quickly signed her name to the papers, just as the plane was landing at Salem Airport. Once she’d disembarked, she drove the papers to Roman’s lawyers office, dropped them off, and washed her hands of the whole thing. She was divorced. And later, as she stepped off the elevator to meet Alice in front of her new apartment, Marlena felt hopeful for the first time in over a year. 

Touching her stomach gently, Marlena whispered, “Are you ready, little munchkin? We’re about to start a new adventure.” 

Marlena rounded the corner, and was surprised to see Alice, and Tom standing there with Lexie and Caroline. Before Marlena could say a word, Alice reached for her hand, “You’re right on time, Marlena. Tom open the apartment.”

Tom opened the door to Marlena’s new home, and ushered everyone inside. Marlena stared with wide eyes. The living room, and dining areas were completely furnished, “What have you done?”

“We’ve helped a friend,” Lexie said softly. “Do you like it?” 

Marlena ran her palm over the soft fabric of the sofa, “It’s beautiful.”

“I took care of the extra bedroom,” Caroline said. “Lexie wanted to do the baby’s room…Alice did your room—”

“—I took care of the living room and dining area,” Tom said.

“I don’t understand,” Marlena said quietly, with tears streaming from her eyes.

“We love you,” Alice told her. “You’re starting over, but you’re not doing it alone, dear. Please don’t ever think you’re alone.”

“You have friend,” Lexie said, “…and family, who love you and care for you. It’s okay to ask for help.”

“I don’t—how can I repay you?”

“We love you,” Caroline whispered. “I love you like you are my own. There won’t be any discussion about paying us back.”

“But don’t forget about my honorary grandmother position,” Alice said with a laugh. 

At that moment, John came out of the back room and meowed, rubbing his body against Marlena’s legs. Marlena sobbed with happiness, falling into Caroline’s open arms, “You brought my cats? Thank you! Thank you all, so much! I was worried about how I was going to furnish this place, and Sami’s coming home in a couple weeks…thank you!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John stepped into the foyer with his bag in his hand, after finishing the last of Isabella’s requests before he left. Isabella stepped out of the kitchen, saying, “Did you—”

“—Izzy B, the telephone number for the hotel, as well as my room number is on the table,” John sighed. “I’ve got to go, or I’m going to miss my flight.”

Isabella didn’t trust him. The last time he was in San Francisco, he’d cheated on her. The scratches along his back had been a testament to that fact. John wasn’t the type to cheat. He was deeply loyal, and when he made a promise or a commitment, he stuck to it. Only one woman would tempt him, and that was Marlena. Fishing for information, she said, “I don’t understand why you have to go back to San Francisco so soon, and I don’t understand why you didn’t want the Presidential Suite—”

“—I told you, it’s too large for my needs. Getting a room like that is a waste, besides, I’m only gone for the weekend. I just have to get this merger paperwork signed and I’ll be home,” he told her, remembering exactly why he could never stay in the Presidential Suite again..

“So, you could be home early?”

Smiling down in her face, and hoping to alleviate some of her recent anxiety, John murmured with a smirk, “I might be home early, but really, right now, I’ve gotta go.”

Isabella waved at him from the door, watching his car disappear from their driveway, and wondering if he was lying to her. Wondering if he was going to see Marlena. She would always wonder, if he was leaving her to see Marlena.

Chapter 6

November 1993

Marlena stared at the ceiling of her bedroom with a stopwatch in her hand. It was barely 2:00 am, and she’d been timing her contractions for nearly two hours, unwilling to wake Sami until she absolutely had to. Smoothing one palm over her abdomen, she said quietly, “Today’s the day, huh? I’m ready.” She thought of Sami, and how she had been with her through every step of this pregnancy. Sami came home exactly two and a half weeks after Marlena’s trip to Colorado, and moved in with her mother. She took care of the cats, gagging when she scooped the litter boxes, and she loved the cats, even though West Virginia had made it known that Sami was not welcome, by peeing in her shoes. Sami bonded with her mother, and she despised her father, while a growing rage festered inside of her for the man she had once called Daddy. Sami’s bond with her mother became unbreakable. Two women against the world, with some cats, and soon…a baby. Thinking of Sami she amended her statement, “You know what, Munchkin? We’re ready. Sami’s going to be an amazing big sister.”

A fierce contraction came over her, and Marlena started the stopwatch, breathing through the pain. She felt a pop, followed by a trickle of fluid, and she smiled, whispering, “Game on, little girl.”

After changing her clothes, and placing a heavy duty feminine pad between her legs, Marlena went to wake Sami. She had planned it out, she could do this…just her and Sami. Her last attempt to call John had been the day before. In the seven months since she’d found out about the baby, she had called his office once per week. A total of twenty-eight unreturned calls. It was a clear message. John wanted to focus on his marriage to Isabella and take care of his son. She would have this baby and raise her alone.

Stepping into Sami’s room quietly, she gripped the door frame as she was wracked by another contraction. The skin of her abdomen pulled tight, and Marlena hissed softly, “Shit…” This was happening fast. Opening the door wider, a thread of light landed on the cat sleeping on Sami’s pillow. Strawberry lifted her head from where she slept in a nest of Sami’s hair, and issued a low hiss, making Marlena laugh lightly, “Your such a brat. Scoot!” She failed to understand why that cat loved Sami, because Strawberry hated everyone else. Leaning forward, she jostled Sami lightly, and said, “Sami…Sami, honey, it’s time.”

Sitting straight up in the bed, her blonde hair a chaotic mess around her face, Sami shouted too loudly,“What? Oh my G-d! Mom! Do you have your bag?” Within seconds she was out of bed, and rummaging through her drawers.

“I’ve got some time honey,” Marlena said with a soft smile. “Not a lot…but some. Get dressed and meet me in the living room.”

“Okay. Okay,” Sami said scurrying around the room.

Marlena walked into the living room, and looked around her small three bedroom apartment. They didn’t have much, but what they did have was enough. She slowly sank into her couch, and thought about how grateful she was for Sami. Her daughter was an amazing young woman, willing to fight for anyone, if she thought they were being mistreated. She was kind, and she had a zest for life that was so similar to her namesake. Rubbing her palms over her belly, another contraction took hold. Breathing steady, the realization that she was about to have another baby hit her. She loved this child with every fabric of her being. She couldn’t help but think of John every time she considered the miracle residing within her womb. Another girl, and she had plans to name her after her grandmother, and after Alice Horton, although Sami thought the name was awful, and ancient. 

“I’m ready, Mom,” Sami said, as she burst from the bedroom. “Let’s go.”

“Are you sure you want to be my coach?” Marlena asked her warily. “You know, childbirth can get…messy.”

“Mom! I went to all of the classes with you! I watched the same videos you did. It’s you and me against the world, until Daddy pulls his head out of his ass.”

“Samantha Gene!”

“I’m almost eighteen,” Sami said. “I can curse.”

Marlena laughed, “Sami you just turned seventeen last month.”

“Well then, I’m right. I’m almost eighteen. I can’t age backwards,” Sami said sarcastically, as she picked up her mother’s hospital bag. “Let’s go have us a baby.”

Marlena leaned forward, clutching her belly, and said, “Shit! Hold on…hold on…hold on…” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami stayed with her mother through it all. Every contraction. Every push. Every scream, and every wail. She was Marlena’s biggest cheerleader. About two hours in, when Marlena started to cry, because John wasn’t there, Sami silently vowed to herself that someday she would slash his tires, if she could ever find him. Then she made a mental note to go knife shopping.

“John should be here!” Marlena cried softly, as she came down from her last contraction. She wanted him with her so badly in that moment, and the fact that he wasn’t there was devastating. “He should be here to meet his daughter!”

Holding her mother’s hand tightly, Sami said, “You’re right, Mom. He should be here, but he’s not. He’s not here, but you can do this. You’re the strongest woman I know. Did you know that?”

Marlena looked up at Sami with a tear streaked face, “I am?”

“You are,” Sami said. “And someday when you see Daddy again, you’re gonna tell him what lame-ass weasel he was for leaving.”

Marlena cried a jagged sob, “I left him this time! I left him.”

“Mom! Mom, you listen to me,” Sami said forcefully. “You both messed up, but you need to focus. You can’t have a whole crisis over this right now.”

Marlena stared up at Sami in awe, before turning to glance at Dr. Bader, when she said “Marlena, one final push, and we’re going to have a baby. When the contraction starts, I need you to push. Sami, you count it out for us will you?”

“Yes,” Sami said with a huge smile on her face. “Mom? Are you ready?”

“No. No. I’m not ready. I’m not ready—oh, G-d!” she cried out as another contraction started. “I need John!”

“Push, Mom! Push! One, two, three, four, five—”

Marlena pushed, putting the last remnant of her strength into it. She pushed until she heard Dr. Bader shout, “Okay, okay! Stop pushing, stop pushing, the head is out…let me suction her.” In the next moment the room was filled with the wails of a little girl.

Marlena couldn’t stop sobbing as flashes of her night with John bombarded her. Her body against the wall. John’s mouth on her in the shower. The last time they made love before she left him asleep in the bed. She could feel his warmth, the softness of his skin, and she could hear him whisper, “I love you…” She could imagine his face when he saw their daughter, and all of it broke her just a little more.

Dr. Bader placed her daughter in her arms, and Marlena marveled that she looked so much like John, it hurt. The pain cut deep, even as she memorized her daughters deep indigo blue eyes, and was amazed that the baby had the darkest, thickest curls, she’d ever seen on a newborn. “Hey there, munchkin,” Marlena whispered to her wailing baby. “We have been waiting for you. We’ve been waiting and we are so happy that you’re here.”

“She looks just like Daddy,” Sami whispered, and then she caught herself, looking at Marlena.

But Marlena replied, letting her tears flow freely, “She does. She looks just like her Daddy.”

“Are you sticking with the name?” Sami asked her.

“I am,” Marlena said with a smile.

“It’s kinda growing on me,” Sami told her. “As long as I can call her Gertie.”

“Welcome to the family Gertrude Alais Black,” Marlena whispered, as she gently rocked her baby. She ran her finger over her daughters cheek gently, and whispered, “You are amazing. Absolutely amazing.”

“Do you want John Black listed as the father on the birth certificate?” Dr. Bader asked.

Marlena looked up, and said softly, “I do. I know he’s not here to sign it, but I’d like him listed as the father. Maybe someday…maybe someday he’ll know her. She will always know who her father is.”

Sami and Dr. Bader exchanged looks of sadness, but Marlena noticed nothing except for the bundle in her arms. The daughter that was born of a love that would never die. Marlena sighed softly. With Sami by her side, even as she smiled and adored the baby in her arms, her heart broke. Marlena told herself, that she and John might never be, but she had the best part of him wrapped in her arms.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“She’s beautiful,” Marlena said looking down at the baby in her arms. 

John’s eyes absorbed every line of his daughter’s face. He soaked in her dark blue eyes, and he wrapped one of her dark curls around his finger. “Doc, she’s—she’s beautiful,” John replied, brushing his hand over his daughters face. “And you’re amazing, did you know that?”

“I think you may have mentioned that to me at some point,” she told him with a smile.

“G-d, woman, I love you so much. I love you so fucking much,” he rasped, kissing her mouth softly.

“I love you too, John. I love you too…”

John sat up in bed, with a start, gasping for air. Looking around the room he realized it was still the middle of the night. Isabella was asleep beside him, and seemingly unfazed by his abrupt awakening. Getting out of bed, John reached for his robe, and headed down the hall to peek in on Brady. His mind struggled to recover from a dream that left him feeling bereft. A baby with Marlena, he could only dream of that, and in his heart, he felt like he’d lost something. The baby in Marlena’s arms had rocked his soul, and left him feeling empty. 

Glancing into Brady’s crib, he realized his son was awake, “Hey there, buddy. What are you doing awake?”

“Dabi,” the boy said with a happy grin. Brady rolled over quickly, scrambling to his feet and reached for his father. “Dabi!”

“Come here,” John said, scooping his son into his arms. “Do you want to go outside and sit on the porch swing with me?”

Treading through the house on slipper covered feet, John marveled at the feel of his sons hands as they patted his face, and he buried his nose in Brady’s baby soft neck. Brady babbled quietly, happy to be free of his crib, and John was lost in his dream, which had seemed so real. He ached in his heart. He hadn’t seen Marlena’s face since San Francisco. He had some photos he kept hidden, but he hadn’t allowed himself to look at them. It would hurt too much, and his dream…his dream had been so clear, so real. Every detail of her hazel eyes, filled with tears was pulling at his heart. He had an impulse to call her. He felt a pull to hear her voice, but the note she had left behind had been clear, she was leaving him to focus on his marriage and his life with Brady. 

John brushed his hand over Brady’s face, and settled him into the crook of his arm, “I want to tell you about a lady I used to know. She’s one of the kindest, and most wonderful people you might ever know…”

Chapter 7

Sami answered the door to find Lexie Carver standing there with a huge box, “Lexie! Hi, Mom said you might be stopping by.”

“Where is she?” Lexie asked, dragging the box in the apartment into the apartment. “I’m ready to see the baby!” 

“Mom’s finishing up Gertie’s feeding. Believe me, that baby has no patience. If you don’t feed her as soon as she starts fussing, she gets herself so worked up, she can’t even eat when you shove a boob in her face,” Sami said.

Marlena started laughing as she came out of the bedroom with a very sleepy baby, and said, “She get hangry just like her Daddy. There’s nothing wrong with being a woman who knows what she wants in life, Samatha.”

“She’s got moxie, that’s for sure!” Sami said laughing. “Lexie, would you like something to drink? I made some tea earlier.”

Lexie was staring at Gertie in Marlena’s arms, and she told Sami, “No. No, I’m fine.”

“Okay. Hey, Mom? I was going to run over to the fish market, and get some of Grandma’s chowder for dinner. Are you okay with that?” Sami asked her, already fetching her jacket out of the closet, and pulling her hat over her ears.

“Chowder sounds amazing. It’s been so cold lately,” Marlena said. “Can you tell Caroline and Shawn I said hello?”

“Yeah,” Sami said. “I was going to bring some pictures of Gertie with me, too.”

“Sami, how many times do I have to tell you? Her name is Gertrude.”

“Mom, come on! It just rolls off the tongue. Don’t worry. I like Gertie, and I think it’s going to catch on. You’ll see,” Sami said with a laugh, as she left the house.

“That girl will be the end of me,” Marlena mumbled, shifting a food drowsy baby in her arms.

Lexie held her arms out, “Hand over the baby, Marlena.”

Marlena laughed, “Don’t you have your own child?”

“I do, but she’s in the terrible two’s and honestly, everything pisses her off. Yesterday she got angry that I cut her sandwich into a triangle. A triangle! She was screaming that I did it wrong,” Lexie said, snuggling Gertrude against her chest. “She’s not little and sweet with the baby smell anymore, although she’s an angel when she’s asleep.”

“Johanna is a beautiful little girl,” Marlena said. “But I understand what you mean. When Eric and Sami were toddlers, he whined incessantly, and she destroyed everything in her path. It’s those learning years.”

“Yesterday she was so quiet, I became suspicious. Do you know where I found her? I found her in the kitchen. She was almost inside the refrigerator, with a piece of red velvet cake in each chubby little hand, and frosting smeared over her face, because she’d taken a bite from one!” Lexie told Marlena with a sigh. “She wasn’t even remorseful. She smiled at me!”

Marlena’s head tipped back with a laugh, “I’m so glad I have Sami to help me when Gertrude gets older,” Marlena said. She touched her daughters cheek softly, “I had forgotten exactly how little sleep you actually get with them when they’re this small, and with breastfeeding this little munchkin, I seem to get less.”

Lexie looked at Marlena, and she asked her, “Have you gotten ahold of John?”

“No,” Marlena replied. “I tried, repeatedly. I tried. He didn’t return any of my calls. I’m just…I’m going to do this on my own.”

“Maybe he never got the messages? It’s possible, right?”

“He didn’t get twenty-eight separate messages?” Marlena said incredulously. “I refuse to believe that. I can’t continue to call, and get no response. It becomes…disheartening. John has a wife, and a son…he’s got commitments to them. I’m not begging him to contact me, Lexie. I’m not begging him to know his own child.”

“Marlena,” Lexie said. “He has a commitment to you, too. You didn’t get pregnant on your own. John’s not the type to cheat…unless he cares about you.”

“I’m fine,” Marlena said. “I wouldn’t change anything. I-I left him in San Francisco, knowing that he had a wife and a son to go home to. I said goodbye to him then. I let him go. Gertrude was an unexpected blessing.”

“But…John should know about her,” Lexie said softly. “You know, Marlena…Isabella was always very jealous of you, even before you came back.”

“Sami mentioned that, too.”

Lexie hesitated, and then said slowly, “What if…what if she’s found a way to make sure that John doesn’t get your messages? I mean, it could be possible.”

“I’ve considered it, but Lexie…I’m calling his office. His workplace. How would Isabella screen his calls there?” Marlena asked her softly. “No. I have to stop fooling myself, and let this go. I will raise this baby alone , and maybe…someday, John will have the chance to know her.”

Lexie glanced down at Gertrude, “Will it offend you, if I say she looks like John?”

“No,” Marlena laughed. “She looks exactly like John! This morning she looked at me, and did this little tick in her eyebrow. Lexie, there’s no denying that John’s her father, and as wrong as it is, I’m so glad she’s his daughter. Every time I look into her eyes, I am reminded of him.”

“Does it hurt? Seeing him in her face every time you look at her?”

“Sometimes it hurts, but most of the time it’s this weird ache of love, combined with the greatest joy. I can’t explain it. If having Gertrude is all I can have of John, I’ll take it. She’s so wonderful, and now that she’s here, I can’t imagine being without her.”

Lexie suddenly remembered the gift she had brought. Handing Gertrude back to Marlena, she said, “Oh! I brought you a gift! It’s a Pack ’n Play, and it’s a life saver.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sami entered the fish market, and Caroline looked up to the jingling sound of the bell on the door. “Sami! What brings you here?” Caroline said.

“I came for chowder. Mom and I are going to need dinner, and you know we don’t cook,” Sami said, taking off her jacket, and removing her hat. She shook her hair free, and hung her jacket on the coat rack. 

Caroline asked her softly, “How is your mother?”

“She’s fine. She came home today, and we’re getting adjusted. Oh, I brought pictures!”

“Of the baby? Let’s see,” Caroline said. 

Sami pulled a stack of photos from her purse, and handed them to her grandmother. “I got them developed at that one-hour place over on Elm.”

Caroline looked at the first photo, and saw John’s eyes staring back at her. Even though John wasn’t her son, he was the son of her heart, and that made little Gertrude Black, her granddaughter. “She’s absolutely beautiful,” Caroline whispered. “She looks just like John.”

“She does. Mom said so, too,” Sami said. “I thought it might make her sad…you know, Gertie looking like Daddy, but I think it makes her kinda happy.”

“Really?”

“I think she’s still in love with him. She won’t admit it, but Grandma…Mom’s not the type to cheat. We both know that. She loves him.”

“You’re right. I remember when they were married, you and Eric were toddlers back then, but their love was so obvious. Anyone could watch them, and know they were enraptured with each other,” Caroline said quietly, ladling chowder into a large container.

“Mom was hoping you might drop by to see her soon.”

“Oh, I will. I was planning to stop by with Bo tomorrow, if thats okay?”

“Bo wants to see Gertie?” Sami asked, feeling tears well up in her eyes. “He hasn’t been around, and Mom thought—”

“—Bo’s been struggling ever since he lost Hope. I’m not sure he’s ever going to come back from that, but please, tell your mother that his absence has nothing to do with the way things ended between her and Roman.”

“I worry about him…it’s been more than three years,” Sami said sadly.

“We all worry about him, but he’s got Shawn D, and they’re doing okay,” Caroline said. “Tell Marlena we’ll be by to see her and Gertie tomorrow.”

“Yes!” Sami said excitedly. “Gertie! I told Mom it would catch on! I’ll tell her you’re coming. It’ll make her happy. She’s going to be home for the next six weeks. After that we have to figure out who’s going to watch the baby.”

“Watch the baby?” Caroline asked. “I’ll speak to your Mom about it tomorrow, Sami, but Shawn and I can watch Gertie. I know your Mom is returning to work part time at first, and it wouldn’t be a hassle for us at all to take the baby in the morning or the afternoons. I miss having a little one around.”

“Really? That would be so much help. I mean she could pay you, but you won’t charge as much as some of the other places, and it’s not like we’re poor, but with one income—”

“—Samantha, we won’t charge her for watching our own grandchild.”

Sami felt tears welling up again, “Really?”

“I wouldn’t think of asking for money.”

Sami smiled at her grandmother, “Is Grandpa around? I wanted to show him the pictures.”

Caroline handed the photos back to Sami, and said, “He should be in the kitchen. You can take those photos, and show him. I’ll put some crackers, and some pie in with the chowder.” 

After Sami disappeared in search of Shawn, Roman came around the corner, and said, “I don’t want you watching Marlena’s baby, Ma.”

Caroline looked up, surprised that he’d been listening, and replied, “Roman, it’s a baby, and one thing you won’t do, is tell me what to do. I know things didn’t end well between you, but your marriage was failing long before that. That baby is family, and that’s just how it is.”

“My marriage was failing? What do you mean by that?” he asked angrily.

“Roman, between being at work all of the time, and those ISA missions, Marlena was alone constantly, and then, the kidnapping. That was barely a blink on your radar,” Caroline said. “You don’t even know how much that traumatized her. She was your wife, and you were never there for her.”

“Is that your excuse, Ma? Is that what happened with you and Pop, when you cheated with Victor?” Roman said with venom.

Caroline stared at her son, as if she didn’t recognize him, “You can be as spiteful as you want, Roman Augustus Brady. Bringing up my past, to deflect from your own mistakes, is low. Since you came home you are bitter, angry, and spiteful…I love you. I love you so much, but you would do best to mind your own business, and let your father and I mind ours.”

“That baby is not your grandchild!”

“Yes, she is. Marlena is family, and after what you did—”

“—what I did? She cheated on me with her ex-husband, and got pregnant! What did I do?” Roman roared.

“You think I don’t know? Word travels around this town quickly, Roman. All it takes is one clerk at the bank to tell someone about Marlena crying, because you cleaned out the savings account. Then another person who works at the courthouse filing papers, says you took the house. You don’t have to tell me, Roman. I already know! Gertrude is family, and that’s all there is to it.”

“You’re going to believe rumors over your own son?”
“I asked Marlena—”

“—she’s going to lie to make me look bad!” Roman yelled. 

“She defended you, Roman. She basically said it was all her fault, and she didn’t want to fight you for half of the house,” Caroline said quietly. Roman stared at her dumfounded, and then his mother said, “Half of that house was rightfully hers. And the savings account? Tell me you didn’t do it.”

“ Do what?”

“Tell me you didn’t take all of the savings,” Caroline said. “Tell me you didn’t empty that account and leave her with nothing.”

“I don’t have to defend my actions to you,” Roman said. “I don’t have to defend my actions to anyone.”

“I don’t recognize you anymore, Roman,” Caroline said softly.

Sami burst through the door, sobbing, “That wasn’t even your money! That was my Dad’s money. It was John’s money, and you stole it!”

Roman stared at Sami, and said, “I didn’t steal my own money!” 

“My Daddy saved that money! It was for Mom!” Sami cried. “I know what you did. You pressured her. You kept pressuring her, and you wouldn’t let up. So she made it a joint account, and the first thing you did when you found out about her and John was steal it!”

“How can I steal from an account with my own name on it?”

Sami stared at him, her eyes an icy blue, “You fucking stole it, and you know it.”

“Sami!” Caroline said in surprise, watching Sami snatch the bag of chowder off the nearby table, grab her coat and hat, and slam out the door. Looking at Roman, Caroline was ashamed of him. She asked him softly, “Did you do that? Did you take that money and leave her with nothing?”

Sami stood outside the with tears slowly trailing over her cheeks. Roman was horrible, and she hated him. Sami was beginning to think that all men lied to you and let you down. The only man who had ever been there for her was John, and he was failing miserably right now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Isabella arrived at John’s office for their scheduled lunch date. She knew she was early, but she wanted to ask Barbara if Marlena had called again this week. Marlena had called every week for the last seven months, and Isabella was going mad trying to hide it from John. Barbara insisted that the police should be notified, and Isabella had to keep finding ways to get her to back down. Barbara glanced up from her desk, and smiled when she saw Isabella. Very quietly, looking towards John’s office quickly, Barbara said, “She didn’t call this week.”

“How do you know? The week isn’t over,” Isabella said.

“She calls on Wednesdays…that was yesterday.”

“Maybe she forgot?”

“She doesn’t seem the type to forget,” Barbara told her.

“What did she say last week?”

“She told me her name, she gave me her contact information, and she said it was imperative that Mr. Black call her back as soon as possible.”

“Imperative? I doubt it,” Isabella muttered. “But she didn’t call this week?”

“No. No phone call at all,” Barbara said.

“Good. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. Those calls need to be ignored—”

John stepped out, catching the last bit of what Isabella was saying , and he asked, “Which calls need to be ignored?”

Barbara looked at Isabella, and Isabella said quickly, “The telemarketing calls. The ones where they are trying to sell you things, like encyclopedias. Barbara said there were some coming to the office, and it’s sometimes a hassle.”

John smiled at Barbara, “You know, Barbara, you can just hang up on them. You don’t have to be polite to everyone.” Turning to Isabella, he said, “Are you ready to go?”

Smiling at her husband with a bright smile, she said, “I’m ready.”

Chapter 8

New Year’s Eve 1993

Sami sat on the couch next to her mother, amazed at how much the baby had grown in two months. Marlena was feeding her, and Gertie was making the cutest little grunting noises, as she pulled at her mother’s hair. Marlena looked at Gertie, swelling with love, and whispered, “My beautiful munchkin.”

Sami smiled at them, and said softly, “I’ve been thinking a lot about when you were gone. You know, when Dad was raising Eric, Carrie, and I, by himself.”

“You’ve never really spoken of it much,” Marlena said, looking over at her, and smoothing her hand over Gertie’s soft curls.

“I was—I was so young when you came home,” Sami said quietly. “You were this dream I’d had, come to life. I didn’t know what to make of you at first. I remember thinking you were beautiful, and I remember thinking that you smelled like a field of flowers. Sometimes…when you were gone, Daddy let me go through your jewelry box…or spray your perfume. G-d…his eyes when he smelled your perfume, Mom. I remember that…it was heartbreaking. Even at eight years old, I understood that.”

“He—he kept my perfume?” Marlena asked her, feeling her eyes fog over with tears. 

“Yeah, he kept a lot of your things, but when Isabella moved in most of it was donated…well, except for your jewelry, and he kept a few of your clothes in a box at the back of his closet,” Sami said. “It was stuff I thought was really pretty, and he—he let me keep it.”

“I found that box,” Marlena said, with a faraway look. “My first night home, I found it, and it had a nightgown in it, and my robe.”

“I thought that nightgown was beautiful, with its cream lace and cap sleeves. I wanted to be a princess, and it looked like something a princess might wear. Isabella wanted to get rid of everything, and start with a ‘clean slate’, she said. I remember yelling at her…I got in trouble for that.”

“Sami…you yelled at her?”

“I felt like she was trying to make you disappear. I felt like I’d have nothing left of you…I screamed at her, told her she’d never be my mother. She cried.”

Marlena asked her softly, “What did John do?”

“Daddy was…he was so great about it. He spent a whole day going through your things with me, allowing me to select what I wanted to keep. He said you would always be with me, because you were a part of me,” Sami said.

“That sounds like it was a wonderful day.”

“It was…and we talked about your jewelry. He told me stories…well, he told me stories about the pieces he’d bought for you. The ones he could remember. You had this beautiful heart shaped brooch, but my favorite…my absolute favorite were these amethyst earrings,” Sami said. “They were the most beautiful earrings I had ever seen. Daddy said he gave them to you the night of a hospital benefit.”

“I remember them. I was so surprised, because it wasn’t my birthday, or an anniversary. He said, he bought them for me because, he loved me, and because I deserved beautiful things.”

“He did? He said that?” Sami asked with a sappy smile. “That’s so romantic.”

“John was incredibly romantic,” Marlena replied wistfully. “I wish I still had those earrings.”

Sami was confused for a moment, “You don’t have them?”

“No, they were gone by the time I came back to Salem,” Marlena said, gently patting Gertie on the back, and waiting for her to burp.

“But, they were in your jewelry box…” Sami said.

“Maybe they got misplaced, Sami. It happens sometimes.”

“But Daddy and Isabella…they were in there when they got engaged, and they were engaged for only a few days, and then you came back. That doesn’t make sense.”

Marlena shrugged her shoulders. Losing the earrings had been something she’d already mourned, “I’m not sure, honey, but I haven’t seen them…I’m going to put Gertrude down for the night.”

Sami leaped from the couch, holding her arms out, “Let me do it. You look tired.”

“I am, and thank you,” Marlena said, passing Gertrude over to Sami, and falling back to the couch. 

As Sami was walking away, Marlena heard her say in a sing song voice, “I’m going to put sweet little Gertie to bed, because she’s adorable, that’s why.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John sighed in frustration, closing his drawer quickly with a snap. He had looked everywhere for his cufflinks, and he couldn’t find them. Glancing around the room, and becoming desperate, he tread across the room, and opened Isabella’s jewelry box. He never went into her things generally, but he was in a hurry, and Isabella was downstairs giving last minute instructions to the babysitter. After looking into all of the crevices, he lifted a velvet pouch from the interior. John dumped the contents into his palm, and his heart jumped, skipping a beat. He stared down at a pair of amethyst earrings, and he was transported to another time.

“Thank you for the earrings, Roman,” Marlena said softly, touching the amethyst earring that dangled from one of her earlobes. “I love them.”

“I love them on you…” he told her, before leaning to kiss her softly. Taking a deep breath of her skin, he murmured, “You look amazing tonight, Doc. Fucking amazing. Every man in this room is jealous of me.” They watched the other couples dance around the room, content to be with each other, and he whispered, “They all want to fuck you…”

Marlena groaned low, leaning into him, and digging her fingernails into his thigh. Trying to keep the effect of his words off her face, she said, “Thank you for coming with me, Roman. I know you find these hospital benefits incredibly boring.”

“Doc…baby, if I’m with you, I don’t care where I am,” he whispered, pulling her closer, and wrapping one arm around her. His other hand slid up her thigh, finding the slit in her dress. Marlena looked up at him with a question in her eyes, and he whispered, “I want to touch you.”

“Roman…I don’t know…”

Roman groaned, “It’s going to be hours before we can go home…spread your legs a little for me.”

She allowed her thighs to open, slightly, and she gasped when, his palm wrapped around her inner thigh, pulling her leg towards him. He rasped into her ear, “More, baby, open them up wider.”

“Roman,” Marlena whined, clawing at his leg. “Roman…I can’t hide what you’re doing to me. I won’t be able to hide it.”

“It’s dark in here. Bury your face in my neck, and let me touch you,” he whispered.

Marlena’s legs fell wide under the table, and his fingers roughly pulled the gusset of her panties aside. Rubbing his thumb softly over her clit, he was amazed at how quickly she became wet for him. He buried two fingers in her moist heat. Marlena sighed against his neck, “Roman…Roman…”

“I want you to come,” he told her. “Right here at this table, Doc. I want you to come on my hand.” His thumb continued to rub over her clit in the softest form of torture, creating a slow build, while he languidly fucked her with his fingers.

“Roman,” she panted.

“Come on my fingers, baby,” he whispered back.

“Roman…Roman…oh!” she gasped softly, feeling the walls of her pussy begin to clench around his fingers. Her fingernails dug into his thigh, leaving marks that would remain the following day, and she sighed deeply, as she tried to keep her body from visibly shaking against him. 

Roman pulled his hand back slowly, and said, “When we get home tonight baby, you won’t need to be quiet.”

“Oh, G-d!” she whispered.

Taking his hand out from under the table, John traced two of his wet fingers through the whipped cream on a desert plate sitting in front of them. Licking his fingers thoroughly he whispered roughly, “You taste so fucking good.”

He continued to stare at the earrings in his hand, unsure of how they came to be in Isabella’s jewelry box. They were Marlena’s earrings. He’d bought them for her. He was so confused, staring at them in his palm. Isabella came into the room, “John, are you coming? We need to get going—” 

She stopped short, taking in John’s form standing next to her open jewelry box. Her eyes widened when she realized what he had in his hand. John tried to think of reason she might have them, and he couldn’t. They were Marlena’s. John said, “Why do you have Marlena’s earrings?”

Isabella continued to stare at him, unable to formulate an answer that was plausible. She’d stolen them. To hurt Marlena. She knew why she had them. Before Marlena returned to Salem, John used to allow Sami to play with her mothers jewelry. One day, as John told Sami about the amethyst earrings, a look had come across his face. It was wistful, sad, and lonely. He spoken of a love that was magical, and he’d held those earrings in his hand, like they were the most precious item he owned. When Marlena returned, and Isabella had moved out of the house, she took them. She wouldn’t explain the truth to John, but she knew she’d done it for spite.

John watched the emotion play over his wife’s face, and even without an explanation, he could sense her anger and her jealousy. Stepping towards her, he asked her again, “Isabella, why do you have Marlena’s earrings?”

She cried, “I took them when I moved out…when Marlena came back!”

John looked on the verge of tears, his fist clenching around the earrings his hand, as if he held a piece of Marlena, “Why? Why would you do that?”

“I was hurting so bad. I thought, I was losing you…I—I wasn’t thinking clearly,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have…I’m so ashamed! I didn’t know how to tell you!”

“So you hid them?” he asked her, with his voice rising.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I was so jealous, and so hurt. I’m sorry!” she cried, but even as she pleaded with John, and even as she claimed to be sorry, Isabella felt no remorse. If given the opportunity, she would steal them again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Do you want me to put her to bed, baby?” John asked Marlena holding Gertrude in his arms. “You look so tired.”

Marlena stood up from the rocking chair, and stretched her back, replying,“I am, but will you promise to come back, and cuddle me?”

“You don’t have to ask me that. I was planning to,” John said with a smirk, while softly running his hand over his daughters dark curls. “Go in the bedroom, but stay awake a little longer. I’ll be right back.”

Five minutes later John curled himself around Marlena’s warm, soft body, pulling her close. She sighed, “Mmmm…I missed you.”

“You did?”

“I absolutely did,” she whispered, kissing his neck, and licking over his pulse.

“I thought you were tired?”

“I am…” she sighed. “But I want you, too. Make love to me…”

John groaned, “Doc…”

“Please?”

Just before John kissed her, he said, “You never have to beg, baby.”

Marlena woke from her dream with tears on her face, and her pillowcase saturated. Her hand covered her mouth, as she sobbed. Her body took in heaving gasps of air, while she tried to calm herself. She couldn’t wake the baby…or Sami. It had felt so real, and in that realness, she’d lost John all over again. Marlena ached. Having John by her side right now would be everything. Getting out of bed, she tread softly into the baby’s room, and looked in on her. She was so much like John, it made Marlena feel that bittersweet ache wash over her again. Wiping her tears from her eyes, she exited the room, and went to get herself some water. Later, in the dark of her bedroom, she cried over what she’d lost, while on the other side of the country, John sat on a porch swing, staring at a pair of amethyst earrings. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Isabella stepped onto the porch a little after 2:00 am, “John…are you coming to bed?”

John looked up at her, saying quietly, “I just need some time Izzy B. Can you give me that?”

“I said, I was sorry,” she pleaded.

“Saying you’re sorry…it doesn’t take away what you did.” John looked back down at the earrings in his hand, watching the moonlight play off of the facets.

“I was upset when I did it. I know I shouldn’t have,” she whispered, stepping closer. “I know it was wrong.”

“You had them for months! Marlena came back in August…you and I left Salem in December. Isabella, at some point you should have told me,” he said.

“I know! I didn’t know how to tell you,” she cried, even as she thought to herself, she should have hidden them somewhere else.

Clenching his palm around the earrings, which had grown warm in his fingers, John looked at his wife, and said, “I never thought you were the type of person to do something like this. Marlena never even mentioned they were missing.”

“Maybe, they weren’t as important to her as you thought they were,” Isabella said.

John glanced back down at his clenched fist, remembering the night he gave them to her. 

They barely made it in the front door before Roman picked his wife up, and carried her up the stairs. “You know, Doc, as much as I loved putting these earrings on you tonight…I’m going to love taking them off of you even more,” he whispered in a husky voice.

“Are you?” Marlena replied breathlessly, threading her fingers into his hair, and pulling his mouth towards hers.

“I am,” he rasped against her lips. “I absolutely am.”

John continued to stare at Isabella, and he said softly, “No. No, these earrings were very important to her.”

“Can you come to bed?” Isabella asked him. “Please? You sent the babysitter away, and we missed the party…can you please come to bed?”

John sighed, looking back down at the earrings, and whispered, “I need some space. I need you to give me some space…”

Chapter 9

November 1994

Isabella sat with the telephone cradled between her shoulder and her ear, while she tried to clean Brady’s hands up after lunch. Victor’s voice came over the line, “How’s my grandson doing?”

“He’s doing wonderfully,” Isabella replied, lifting Brady from his booster seat, and setting him on the floor. “You’ve been out of the country for so long, he’s probably forgotten you.”

“Six months was much longer than I intended. I apologize for that,” her father said. 

“Are you going to plan a trip to see us soon?”

“I’ve got some business to handle in Salem, but Isabella…you know, my home is always open to you.”

“I know that,” she said softly, taking Brady’s hand and guiding him into the living room.

“You can’t avoid Salem…and Marlena Evans, forever,” Victor told her kindly. “You’re going to have to face that eventually.”

Isabella was silent for a moment, finally saying, “I think John cheated on me…with Marlena…I don’t have proof, but my gut says he did…there’s no one else that it could have been.”

“Do you have proof that he cheated?”

“I do, but I don’t know for certain who it was,” she said. Handing Brady some of his blocks, she continued, “That’s the problem.”

“Have you confronted him? John seems to be the type of man, that when confronted, he wouldn’t lie to you,” Victor told her. He had a certain respect for John. Maybe, it was for what the man had lived through. Maybe, it was because of the guilt he harbored for his treatment of John when he first arrived in Salem. Either way, Victor had a developed a fondness for the man, that was separate from his marriage to Isabella. You couldn’t live and work in the business he did, and not respect a man for being strong.

“No, I—I never said anything…but about two months later, Marlena started calling. She called every week for quite awhile, until she gave up,” Isabella sneered. “Victor, I hate her.”

“You mentioned a few months ago, that you were having Barbara screen the calls. I’m assuming John never found out? You know, Isabella, Marlena Evans isn’t a bad person. I’ve known her for years,” Victor told her. “You have to be careful. Jealousy can rot a relationship from the inside out.” Since his return to Salem, he’d heard murmurs about Marlena Evans’ baby. The child was turning a year old this month, but Victor hadn’t seen the child yet. What he’d heard was that John Black was the father, and that John Black was the reason for Marlena’s divorce. “Isabella…you should know, Marlena and Roman divorced a year and a half ago.”

Isabella wanted to scream, “What? Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“I didn’t know until recently. I don’t concern myself with the goings on of the Brady’s anymore…I can’t. It hurts too much,” Victor said, thinking of Caroline. 

“If she’s divorced…she’s available…oh, my G-d….maybe that’s why she was calling!” Isabella nearly shrieked, in a panic, and startling Brady, who began to cry. “Oh, I’m sorry, honey. Mama’s sorry,” she cooed, lifting her son onto her lap and trying to calm him.

Victor decided to tell her what he’d heard, “She had a child, Isabella.” 

There was silence on the end of the line, until Victor heard a faintly whispered, “What?”

“She had a child…a year ago. I’ve heard that the child is rumored to be John’s.”

“When did you hear this?” she asked, barely above a whisper.

“A few days ago, my valet mentioned it, because it involved my family. Otherwise he wouldn’t concern himself with it at all.”

“She—she had a baby?”
“I haven’t seen it. I can’t verify the authenticity of the information, but if you want…I can have someone look into it.”

“Victor…he can’t know! John can’t know,” Isabella cried in a near panic. “If she had his baby—“ The realization suddenly dawned on her, “Oh! That’s why she was calling. He cheated on me, he fucking cheated on me with Marlena, and she—she got pregnant in San Francisco. Oh, G-d! He can’t know about this!”

Victor was quiet for a moment, feeling a twinge of that old pain he’d felt when he’d finally learned that Bo was his son, and he said, “Isabella, if Marlena’s child is John’s, you can’t keep that from him. He has a right to know, and if he finds out that she was trying to tell him…and you had Barbara screen the calls…your marriage will be over.”

“I know that! He’ll leave me! Victor, he’ll leave me. I know he will, and after everything I’ve done to keep him away from her…I’ll have failed anyway,” she sobbed into the phone.

Victor was torn. Isabella was his daughter, and he’d done some ruthless things in his life to protect the people he loved, but when it came to John, he also harbored a tremendous amount of guilt. When John was The Pawn, his humanity hadn’t even been a consideration. Softly he said, “Isabella, calm down. I can have someone look into it. They can get a copy of the birth certificate, get some photos of the child, but please, don’t do anything rash, until we’re certain…until we know for certain, you have to function as if it’s not true…as if you know nothing. John’s going to sense your agitation.”

“Okay…okay,” she said, trying to get her breathing under control. “Can you—I mean, you’re going to find out for me? If she truly has a child…and if the child is John’s? Please, Victor? I have to know.”

“I will, but Isabella, if John is the father of Marlena’s child, and you keep that from him…he’ll never forgive you,” Victor said.

“If he finds out what I’ve already done, he’ll never forgive me,” she whispered.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena sat on the couch with Gertie tucked in her arms. She’d been vomiting intermittently since the evening before, and her fever spiked earlier in the day, prompting Marlena to dose her with acetaminophen. Gertie whined against her mother, and Marlena whispered, “My poor little munchkin.”

Sami came out of her bedroom, dressed for a night out with her friends, “Are you sure you’ll be okay, Mom?”

“Sami, honey, I’ll be fine,” Marlena said quietly. “I’ve been through this before.”

“I just worry, and I know how hard it is on you…not having Daddy to help you.”

“I have the most amazing sidekick. You might know her? Her name is Samantha Gene Brady?”

Sami snorted, reaching for her jacket, “Okay, Mom. I get it.

“Alice is coming over in a little while,” Marlena said. “So I won’t lack for company. Gertie—Gertrude and I will be fine.”

“Gertie. You’re going to break, Mom. You won’t be able to help it,” Sami tossed over her shoulder with a laugh, before she walked out the door. 

“It’s very difficult when you have all of our family and friends calling her that!” Marlena called after her. Gertie looked up at her mother with the deepest blue eyes, and Marlena touched her cheek softly. “Hey, little munchkin. Did Mama wake you up?” Her daughter reached for a strand of her hair, which rested in waves over her shoulders, because she hadn’t cut in over a year, and rubbed her face on Marlena’s chest. Gertie looked like the most beautiful, feminine version of her father, and that sometimes took Marlena’s breath away.

Whispering to her daughter quietly, Marlena said, “If your Daddy could know…he would love you more than life itself.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John sat at his desk, sipping his fourth cup of coffee for the day. He should be getting ready to go home for dinner; however, his marriage had been becoming more strained recently, and he’d found himself staying at work later. His intercom buzzed, “Mr. Black, your wife is calling.”

John sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, and glancing out his office window. The sun was going down, and he knew he was already late for dinner. John replied, “Okay. Thanks, Barbara. You can go home if you want to,” John picked up the telephone, “Hey, Izzy B.”

“Were you going to be home for dinner tonight?” Isabella asked him quietly, unwilling to push too much, because he might get angry.

John missed Brady, and he knew he hadn’t been spending as much time with his son, simply because he was trying to avoid his wife. “I’m wrapping up some paperwork now. I should be home within the next two hours,” John said.

“John,” Isabella replied. “Brady misses you.”

“I know…I’ll be home before you put him to bed,” John said, and then he hung up the phone. He was exhausted. He’d woken up halfway through the night, because of another dream. John didn’t understand why he couldn’t move past his night with Marlena. He thought he was losing his mind. His mind had fabricated a child, conjured her from the miasma of his mind, and he dreamed of this child almost every night. He dreamt of soft, dark curls against his face, and the smell of baby powder. He dreamt of chubby hands, and shrill screams, combined with giggles. 

The evening before, his dream had disturbed him even more. He’d been sitting in the field where he’d honeymooned with Marlena, leaning back against a boulder with his eyes closed, feeling the soft breeze against his skin, when he’d heard the screech of a child. Looking up he saw the same dark haired child he’d dreamt of repeatedly over the last year, only she’d grown. She toddled towards him with her arms outstretched, Marlena following closely behind her, with a huge smile on her face. In confusion, he stared at the child, and then glanced up at Marlena, and said, “I don’t understand.”

Marlena laughed again, “Grab your daughter, and stop being silly. Of course, you understand.”

He smiled, and held his arms out for the girl, saying, “Come here, little munchkin.”

John reached into his pocket, wrapping his fingers tightly around the amethyst earrings that had taken up permanent residence there, and tried to ground himself. He was married to Isabella, and he had to find a way to stop wishing for something else. He had to stop wishing for something he couldn’t have. Marlena had let him go that morning in San Francisco, he had to do the same. No amount of dreaming of a life with Marlena, would make that come to fruition, and the sadness he was left with when he woke from those dreams was so painful, he could barely function. 

He stared at the phone, wanting to call her so much. He even picked it up, and began to dial her number. Slamming the receiver down, he said roughly, “No! No…fuck…John, let this go. Marlena has.” Standing up so quickly he slammed his hip into the corner of his desk, John said, “Let it go. You made a commitment…you need to fucking let this go.” Opening the top right drawer of his desk, John carefully placed the earrings inside, and recommitted himself to his wife and his son. It had been nearly two years. He had to move on.

Chapter 10

December 1994

Isabella stared at the package in her hands with a dull weight in her stomach. She’d known it was coming. Her conversation with Victor four days earlier played in her mind, “And you’re sure, Victor? It’s John’s child?”

“Isabella, we can’t be completely certain without a DNA test, but it’s his name on the birth certificate, and the child looks remarkably like him,” Victor told her. “I’m sending you copies of the information. “Make of it, what you will, but I think it’s time to tell John.”

“No,” she replied. “I can’t. Victor, he’ll leave me. It will all be over. You don’t understand, when we left Salem…I pressured him. He didn’t want to leave, but I played on his pain, and what he’d lost. I made my health a bigger problem than it was. Then the phone calls, and messages I had Barbara throw out,” she said. Her voice was growing softer, and Victor barely heard her say, “And the earrings…”

“Earrings? Isabella, I’m not following you anymore. What earrings?”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t tell John about this baby,” Isabella stated, knowing he would leave her as her transgressions multiplied. 

“Isabella…when I found out about Bo, I hated Caroline. She’d kept that from me for years, and the pain of learning about it…finding out that I had missed my sons childhood…he was a grown man when I found out.”

“But you know him now. You and Bo have a relationship,” Isabella said, to justify her plan of action.

“Isabella…how would you feel if you’d lost Brady, and never knew him until he was an adult?” Victor asked her.

She felt a deep, wrenching pain in her chest. Shaking her head vigorously, she said loudly, “That’s different!”

“How?” Victor asked her softly. “How is that different?”

“I knew about Brady…it’s not the same.”

“If you keep this from him, and he finds out you’ve known all along…he will never forgive you,” Victor told her. “The information will be in the mail this afternoon. Goodbye, Isabella.”

Her hands shook as she opened the envelope, and spread the documents across the granite countertop in the kitchen. John was at work. He probably would be until much later in the evening. Reaching for the first page, she scanned a birth certificate, mumbling to herself, “November 15, 1993…Gertrude Alise Black…father…John Black…fuck…okay, no signature…” Isabella ran her fingers through her hair roughly, saying, “Okay, okay…calm down…maybe it’s not John’s daughter…maybe…” Lifting the pile of photos, Isabella glanced over them. Marlena at the park with a child, outside of the fish market, but all of the photos were far away, and unclear, until the last one. Marlena stood in line at the grocery store, her head was turned, but Gertrude Black sat in the shopping cart, and stared directly into the camera. A halo of dark curls, and the deepest blue eyes she’d ever seen on a child, stared back at her. She was looking at her husbands daughter for the first time, and there was no denying the paternity. Isabella dropped the photos, and slid to the floor, crying, “Oh, G-d!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Where are you taking me?” Marlena asked him breathlessly.

Tugging her along by her hand, John responded roughly, “My office. The building is empty this late in the evening. Everyone who works for me has gone home.”

“Your office? I—Ive never seen your office,” she said softly. Marlena stepped inside, and was overwhelmed. John’s office was large, with floor to ceiling windows looking out over the city of San Diego. Marlena stared at the cityscape in awe, and whispered, “It’s beautiful.”

He stepped up closely behind her, and whispered, “You’re beautiful, Doc.”

She felt the heat of his body against her, “I am?”

His hands played over her arms, caressing her skin, “I want you.”

“What about Isabella?”

John’s lipped dragged over the skin of her collarbone, and he murmured, “I don’t want to discuss Isabella…”

Letting her head fall back, she said, “I told myself, I wouldn’t let this happen again…I wouldn’t—”

“—shhh…Doc,” he whispered. “Let me love you. Please, let me love you.”

It was wrong. It was right. Marlena couldn’t stop herself, even as she knew they shouldn’t be doing this. He was still married. But even as her thoughts raced, Marlena whispered, “The windows.”

John stopped his movements, feeling his cock jerk hard in his pants at the vision that just came to his mind, “What?”

“Fuck me against the windows,” she whispered breathlessly. 

John’s cock jerked so hard it was almost painful. He could see it in his minds eye. Marlena’s soft curves pressed against the glass while he fucked her from behind. He bit the skin of her neck almost viciously, and he rasped, “Fuck…Doc, that sounds fucking amazing.”

“Please,” she whined. “Please it’s been so long…I need you.”

He couldn’t refuse her. He wouldn’t refuse her. Turning off the lights quickly, he returned to Marlena again within moments. John walked her slowly across his office, their footsteps sounding like whispers across the carpet. They could see their reflections in the glass, and Marlena felt tremors start to slowly shake her body. He’d barely touched her. He hadn’t even kissed her, but the anticipation was building at a feverish pace. 

His fingers reached around her body, slowly unbuttoning her blouse, and revealing her creamy skin, along with the swell of her breasts. Marlena could feel her arousal seep from her body, and she quaked against him once more, feeling his fingers brush lightly over her pebbled nipples.

His hands gently lifted the weight of her breasts, “No bra, Doc?”

She was confused, lost in a haze of a want, finally whispering, “I—it…doesn’t require one…”

John nearly growled in her ear, “It’s fucking hot as hell, baby.” His hands trailed over the sage green satin of her teddy, and he reveled in the feel of her breasts loosely covered by the fabric. Scraping his nails over her nipples, she cried out, and John almost roared with the amount of force it took to keep himself from tearing the garment off of her. “Take off your skirt, Doc.”

He stood back from her, watching her arms reach behind herself, and unfasten the button of her skirt. The sound of the zipper being lowered broke the silence of the room. He gazed on her body, lit only by the lights of the city streaming in the window, and he nearly came in his pants. Using the palm of his hand, he pushed down hard on his dick, trying to alleviate the growing pressure. The laced edged satin was cut high, nearly to her waist, and John asked her, “Are panties required?”

Marlena gasped lightly, and replied, barely above a whisper, “No.”

“Fuck.” His hands were on her quickly, guiding her body closer to the cool glass of the windows, “Imagine who could see us right now.”

“The lights are off.”

“Do you think that matters? There is enough light in here…this office is lit up with a millions lights,” he whispered, splaying his hands over her hips, and pulling her bottom roughly into his obvious arousal. 

“Oh…G-d…”

“Someones going to watch me fuck the prim and proper Doctor Marlena Evans Brady against my office windows,” John said, licking along her shoulder. “They might even touch themselves, coming on their own fingers, as I shove myself deep inside you.”

“Oh, G-d…yes,” she hissed. “Yes…”

John’s fingers roughly gripped her face, pulling her head to the side, and kissed her fiercely. His tongue lapped over hers, and his teeth bit at the tender flesh of her lips, “So fucking sexy, Doc…you are so fucking sexy…”

“John…John…I want you so bad, it hurts…” she cried into his mouth.

Pulling away from her, he said, “Wait here.” John strode over to his desk, pulling the drawer open roughly. Marlena watched his hand close around something inside, and admired his form as he stalked back towards her. “I want you to wear these,” he told her roughly. “I want to see the light shine off of them, as I pound into your warm, silky depths.”

Marlena stared at the amethyst earrings in his hand, and held her breath as he put them on her. When he fished, he whispered, “I love you…I love you so much…”

A sigh escaped her at the feel of his hands pushing the straps of her teddy over her shoulder, and she nearly cried out in pleasure, as John flicked her clit roughly while pushing the fabric over her hips. John pushed her body against the glass, the cold shocking her system. Marlena cried out, “Fuck!” She could feel liquid desire slip from her swollen folds, and she cried softly, “Please…Oh, G-d, please, John.”

John’s fingers almost ripped the buttons from his shirt in his haste to remove it. Marlena was panting, trying to maintain control, and force herself to stay positioned against the glass. The relief, when she felt his hot skin, flush against her, was enough to make her cry out again, “John!”

His hips bucked against her ass, while his fingers threaded through hers, lifting them high above her head. Her whole body was a mixture of cold and hot, as he pushed her flush against the glass. John rasped in her ear, “I’ve never made love to your ass before, Doc…but maybe someday…”

She started sobbing. She couldn’t control the emotion that consumed her. She missed him. She ached for him. She’d never be able to move on from him, because he was a part of her. His fingers swiped over her bottom, tracing over the crevice of her bottom, and he whispered darkly, “Have you ever been fucked in the ass, baby?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Would you allow me if I asked?”

“Yes.”

“Not tonight…but someday,” he said, before biting her shoulder roughly. His lips sought hers again, and he released her hands, saying, “Leave them on the window. Don’t move them.”

Panting softly, Marlena said, “Okay.”

John’s hands gripped her hips, pulling them towards him, “Spread those long gorgeous legs for me, Marlena.”

She opened her legs, and felt the cool air of the room wash over the moisture already present on her inner thighs. She felt like she could come from the slightest touch. John refused to touch her, he wanted her on the edge before he drove into her body. He could smell her arousal, an aphrodisiac to his senses. John fell to his knees behind her, and stared at the light reflecting off the wetness along her swollen folds. His tongue lapped over the moisture glistening on her inner thighs and she sighed, long and deep.

“You taste like heaven…you taste like every fucking wonderful memory I have.”

“It hurts…John, it’s aching so much, so hard…it hurts…”

“You want me to fuck you, Marlena?” John asks her, rising up behind her, and gripping her hips so tightly his fingers were digging into her soft flesh. 

“I want you to fuck me, John…”

“Don’t move those hands,” he said, and he slammed his cock into her, deep and fast.

“Fuck! Fuck!” she cried out on a sob, pain and pleasure causing a riot within her body.

John’s body was shaking uncontrollably, and he slammed their bodies into the glass with the force of their joining. His hands landed on top of hers, lacing their fingers together. The cold of the glass against her breasts was a sharp contrast to the heated flesh pressing into her, and John pounded into her, crying out over and over, “I love you…” Marlena started screaming as her orgasm roared over her, and she heard John roaring out his own climax in her ear.

Marlena woke suddenly, her pussy still throbbing from the orgasm she had in her sleep. She could barely breath, as she whispered to herself, “What the hell was that?”

Across the country, John woke suddenly in his office, his cock still throbbing in his pants. It was late, and he needed to go home. He could feel the sticky wetness of his own release, and he said, still breathing roughly, “Fuck, I’m too old for wet dreams…” Opening the drawer beside him, he stared at the earrings resting there for a moment, and then closed the drawer to go clean himself up. 

Chapter 11

May 1995

“I’s gon’ be twee!” Brady yells to his father holding up three fingers as he flew high in the air. 

“You sure are, Slugger,” John said with a laugh, pushing his son on the swing. John spent every free moment he could, out with Brady, or at work. Isabella was suffocating him. He’d tried to discuss it with her, to no avail. She would call him at work, several times a day with excuses for each call. Small things that were inconsequential, and could have waited until he was home. When he’d try to get off of the phone, she would ignore him, and keep talking, or cry. The crying was the worst. Rampant tears and wails of how he didn’t love her anymore. It started small, and only escalated. Accusations of cheating while he was on business trips, and even accusations against Barbara, which was ludicrous to John, because the woman was in her seventies, and had been happily married for more than fifty years. If they went out, Isabella would accuse him of looking at other women, specifically blonde women. Then began the comments about Marlena. John couldn’t handle it anymore. He was depressed, and unhappy, but for Brady, he was determined to find a way to try and make it work. He taken vows in a church, under the watchful eye of G-d. He had to find a way to make this work.

John was growing more concerned about Isabella. She rarely left home, staying in the house all day with Brady. She had no friends, that John was aware of. He wanted to enroll Brady in pre-school, for socialization with other children, and to prepare him for kindergarten, but Isabella seemed to think that the world would harm her son, and insisted on hiring a tutor. John had been asking her for nearly a year to get into therapy, to figure out the root of her insecurities, but she refused. John was beginning to think that maybe her insecurities had always been there, but he’d somehow missed the signs. Finding out she’d stolen Marlena’s earrings had been an eye-opening moment. 

John worried that she was failing to give Brady a successful start, by isolating him from the world, and that was no way to live. Ultimately it would hurt him. John made every attempt to take Brady places. They went to the zoo, museums, sometimes he brought the boy to work with him, simply because he knew that , if he didn’t, Brady would be home all day with Isabella, and he wouldn’t leave the confines of the backyard. 

“Higher, Daddy!” the boy screamed, laughing loudly, pulling John from his reverie.

“Five minutes, buddy, and then we’ve got to get home for dinner,” John said.

Brady became very quiet, and then he yelled, “No!”

Stopping the swing, John walked around, and kneeled in front of Brady, “What about dinner?”

“No! Park!” the boy said with tears on his cheeks.

It broke John’s heart to have to force him to go home, but it was getting late. It was obvious that Brady was feeling confined, and at almost three years old, he couldn’t fully express that. Isabella wasn’t abusive. She loved her son, but she was holding him back, and Brady could feel that. Isabella had complaints every time John brought Brady home. If Brady had caught a cold, if he had scraped knees, if the boy talked about the fact that John allowed him to roll in a mud puddle one time, always complaints. John saw it as allowing his child to be a child. He’d done the same with Carrie, Sami, and Eric. He’d allowed them to be children.

“What if I get us a pizza?” John asked him. “Do you want pizza?”

“Pizza?” Brady inquired with a bright look in his eyes. “Wif chicken?”

“Oh, you want the one with BBQ sauce and chicken?” John said, scooping the boy up in his arms. “You drive a hard bargain Brady Black, but I think that can be arranged.”

John walked into his house a half hour later, and was immediately accosted by Isabella, “Where were you?”

“I left you a note, Izzy B. I took Brady to the park,” John told her, setting the boy on his feet.

“You were gone quite awhile,” she said. “You were at the park for two hours?”

“Where else would I be,” John said with frustration. “I said I was taking Brady to the park, and we went to the park.”

“I swing!” Brady said before sticking his thumb in his mouth.

Isabella scooped the child into her arms, and pulled his thumb out of his mouth, “Let’s get those hands washed before every germ in San Diego makes it’s way into your body.”

John watched his wife walk away from him without a backward glance, and wondered if his life was going to be life this until he died. He was incredibly unhappy, and even though he told himself he had to focus on making his marriage work, there was a part of him that wanted to take Brady and walk away. Pushing those feelings down, he sighed, and followed them into the kitchen to wash his own hands.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena sat with Gertie on the pier, listening to the birds, and watching the barges on the river. Gertie was a year and a half old now, and looking more and more like John every day. She loved sitting on the pier with her mother. She would sit contentedly in her stroller pointing her chubby little finger at people and birds, while babbling. 

Marlena heard footsteps on the pier, and looked up with a smile as she saw Bo and Shawn D walking towards them. Seeing Bo as often as she did, made her day a little brighter. Both of them were lost for similar reasons. They’d lost someone that completed their souls. Bo was still mourning Hope more than five years after losing her. He’d dated some, but wasn’t able to find that connection that he’d had with his wife. Marlena pined after John every time she looked into Gertie’s eyes, and every time she had a dream that made her feel as if he were with her. They understood each others pain in a way no one else could.

“How’s little Gertie doing?” Bo asked with a smile, watching Shawn D get down on his knees, and begin to play with the toddler in her stroller. 

Marlena smiled brightly at the pair, “Amazing. She’s everything I didn’t realize I needed in my life. I can’t imagine not having her.”

“Ma and Pop adore her,” Bo said.

“She adores them. She calls Caroline, Gamma,” Marlena said with a laugh.

Gertie looked up at Bo, and screamed, “Boo!”

“Look, squirt,” Bo said staring at the child with mock outrage. “How many times do I have to tell you? It’s Bo.”

Gertie grinned, and held her arms out, “Boo!”

Bo lifted the girl, swinging her high, watching her laugh. “She’s an amazing kid, Marlena. So happy. You and Sami are good with her.”

“She’s an easy baby,” Marlena said softly, watching Shawn D walk down the pier, just out of earshot.

Bo hesitated, but finally said, “Have you told John yet? It’s been a year, and a half since she’s been born.” He settled Gertie onto his hip, and tried to keep her from pulling his hair.

“No,” Marlena said softly, staring at her daughter. Looking up at Bo, she said, “I’m—I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this.”

“I won’t say it doesn’t make me uncomfortable, because it does. Marlena, when this comes out, it’s going to hurt a lot of people.”

“I tried, Bo. For seven months I called his office. Not one single call was ever returned. I decided to let him live his life. I—I can’t…G-d, Bo, it’s simply too painful. I know you speak with Isabella regularly,” Marlena said. “I’ve been thinking about trying to call him again, but I don’t know. I feel like, if I ask you not to tell Isabella…I’m asking you to lie, and I don’t want to do that.”

“No. No, please, don’t think like that,” Bo said quickly, placing Gertie back into her stroller. “I don’t feel that way. When I talk to her, I don’t mention you at all, and Isabella…well, she doesn’t ask. So, technically, it’s not lying.” He smiled at Marlena 

Lying by omission was still lying, but Marlena wasn’t going to bring that up, “I want you to know, I appreciate that. If it were too come out, I’d really like to speak with John first.”

“Do you still love him?” Bo asked Marlena softly.

She stared into Bo’s eyes, and she said, “I can’t imagine loving anyone else.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

September 1995

John walked into the house a little after 2:00 pm. “Isabella!” he called. “I came as soon as I could.”

He watched as his wife hustled down the stairs quickly, carrying a suitcase, “I’m sorry I have to go so soon.”

“Honey,” John said, slowing her down with a hand on her arm. “I understand that you need to get to Victor as soon as you can. Go. Brady and I will be fine. Can you call me when you get there?”

“I will. Bo says he’s in surgery now,” she said softly. 

“Maybe, if I can get things settled here in the next few weeks…we could join you?”

Isabella felt panic rising up inside her. John could not meet her in Salem. He simply could not encounter Marlena. She needed him to stay in San Diego. “I don’t think that will be necessary. I should be back within a week or two. I can’t imagine Victor needing me for longer than that,” she replied. “Besides, it’s doesn’t make sense to uproot Brady for such a short amount of time.”

John was trying to make this marriage work, as difficult as it was. He sighed softly in relief. A week or two alone with Brady would be exactly what he needed, “If you need me…we can come. Okay?”

Isabella smiled up at John, and said, “I appreciate that. I love you.”

He kissed her softly on the lips, and said, “I love you, too.” After the door closed behind his wife, John turned, seeing Brady standing in the doorway, “So, Slugger, it’s going to be just you and me for a few days! What do you say to a barbecue chicken pizza for dinner?”

“Yay!” Brady screamed running, and jumping into John’s arms. “Where Mommy go?”

“Mommy had to go visit Grandpa Victor in Salem,” John said.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena was putting the last of her files away for the day, when there was a soft knock on her door, “Come in.”

Bo’s head peeked in, “Hey, Marlena. I needed to speak with you really quickly…if you have a minute.”

“Bo,” she said, turning towards him. “I always have time for you. You know that.”

“Victor had a heart attack today. He’s in surgery now, but Mike thinks he’s going to be fine,” Bo said. “But, that’s not why I’m here…Isabella is coming. She should be in town by this evening, and I’m assuming she’ll be here for awhile.”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, “Is she…is John coming?”

“No,” Bo said. “John stayed back in San Diego. Isabella is hoping this will be a quick trip, and they didn’t want to uproot Brady.”

“I can understand that,” Marlena said, feeling disappointment. “I’ll—I’ll try not to run into her, but Bo…people in Salem, they talk…”

Bo approaches her slowly, placing his hand on her arm gently, “Maybe it’s time to try, and call John again? He deserves to know about Gertie.”

Marlena sighed, glancing over at the telephone, “Maybe it is.”

After Bo left her office, Marlena sank into the chair behind her desk, and pulled John’s business card from her purse. She dialed the number quickly, willing herself to keep a steady voice. She heard the receptionist over the line, “Black Securities.”

“Hello,” Marlena said, trying to clear her voice. “I need to speak with John Black, please.”

There was a pause, and then the voice said, “He’s in a meeting right now, can I take a message?”

Marlena’s heart sank. Another message. He wouldn’t return her call, she could feel it, but she said, “Yes. My name is Marlena Evans, can you tell him that I need to speak with him. It’s urgent. He can call me at my office, but it is imperative that I speak with him.”

“Yes, I’ll give him the message,” was all she heard before the line went dead. Marlena had barely slipped the card back into her purse, before her head dropped onto her arms, and she started sobbing from the hopelessness of it all. Isabella was going to learn of Gertie’s existence. There was nothing Marlena could do to hide it from her, if she came to Salem.

In San Diego, Barbara hung up the phone, and never forwarded the message. She would have to tell Isabella that Marlena Evans was calling again. Barbara shook her head sadly. She still couldn’t fathom why Isabella refused to notify the police.

Chapter 12

December 1995

Isabella slowly picked up the telephone, and dialed her home in San Diego. She’d been in Salem for nearly three months, and she missed Brady so much. It was becoming harder and harder to come up with excuses to keep John in San Diego, and away from Salem. She didn’t ask Bo about Marlena, and Bo didn’t mention Marlena. She had even managed to keep away from the woman, until her surprise run-in on the pier a month earlier, and dread grew in her gut.

~ ~ ~ 

“Oh!” Marlena said in surprise, nearly running into the woman in front of her, in her haste to get Gertie from the fish market. She was running late because an appointment went longer then she expected. Glancing up quickly, intending to apologize, she realized it was Isabella. Marlena had managed to avoid Isabella for two months, but as she had predicted, it was only a matter of time. She said softly, “Hello, Isabella.”

Isabella stared at her with rage shining in her eyes, “Hello? That’s all you’ve got to say?”

“I’m not sure what else you would like me to say,” Marlena replied calmly.

“You think I don’t know what you did?” Isabella hissed. Her eyes roamed over Marlena’s perfect clothes, her perfect hair, and her perfect face. She hated her even more.

Marlena watched Isabella’s face closely, and felt her chest tighten slightly, “You’re going to have to spell it out for me, Isabella. What, exactly, do you think I’ve done?”

“San Francisco,” Isabella said with a sneer. Marlena’s eyes widened slightly. “Did you think I didn’t know about that? Did you think my husband would keep that from me?”

“I wasn’t sure what John told you,” Marlena said softly.

“He told me. He told me everything,” Isabella lied. “I’m his wife, and the guilt was killing him! Of course, he told me. You…you should be ashamed of yourself!”

“I’m sorry it hurt you,” Marlena said.

“Hurt me? Do you regret it at all?”

Marlena didn’t regret her night with John. She couldn’t, so she repeated, “I’m sorry you were hurt by it. That was never my intention.”

“You fucked my husband! My husband!” Isabella shrieked. “Do you ever think of anyone but yourself? He told me about the phone calls, too,” Isabella said, the lies easily rolling off of her tongue. “Did you think he wouldn’t? He’s not calling you back. He has no plans to, so you can stop calling him. Leave him alone, and let him focus on his family…our family.”

“I have somewhere to be,” Marlena said, trying to step around Isabella. Her heart was breaking with the knowledge that John had ignored her calls. There had been a small part of her that hoped it was a mistake, hoped that there was a miscommunication, or some other mishap. Learning that he had intentionally ignored her messages, brought a fresh pain.

Isabella grabbed Marlena’s arm roughly, “Leave my husband alone. He doesn’t want you. He never did. You were an easy lay, but he’s with his family now.”

“Let go of me,” Marlena said, staring down at Isabella’s fingers clenched in the fabric of her coat.

“Stop calling John. Maybe you can find another man to be a home wrecking slut with,” Isabella replied with venom in her voice. Marlena had jerked her arm free, and walked away.

~ ~ ~ 

John answered the phone, and Isabella said, “How’s Brady doing?”

“He’s doing amazing, Izzy B,” John said. “He started pre-school today, and loved every moment of it. That’s all he’s talked about all afternoon.”

Isabella was silent for a moment, “Why didn’t you discuss that with me? You know how I feel about that, John.”

“I can’t take him to work with me everyday, and I can’t always work from home. You know that. You’ve been gone for almost three months, Isabella…and you won’t allow us to come to Salem,” John said in frustration. “What would you have me do?”

“We have a babysitter, John.”

“He needs socialization! You can’t keep him in a bubble,” John told her.

“I don’t do that!” she cried defensively.

“Listen,” John said slowly. “I don’t want to argue, okay? Tell me, how’s Victor doing?”

Isabella sighed deeply, “He—he had a set back yesterday. The shunt they placed in his heart came loose…he almost died. I’m going to be here through Christmas, at least.”

John sighed, running the fingers of his free hand through his hair, “Christmas? Fuck…Isabella, are you sure you don’t want Brady and I to join—”

“—no!” she said more forcefully then she intended. “No, um…Bo and I are managing, and we’ve hired excellent medical staff. Everything will be fine.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena watched Gertie as she slept, and worry lined her face. She was a psychiatrist, but she was also a medical doctor. She had done her rotations through the medical disciplines just like everyone else, and she knew that something was wrong with her daughter. Something was very wrong. Gertie had been more tired than usual over the last week, with rings under her deep blue eyes. Marlena had initially thought it was growing pains, since Gertie was also complaining of leg pain. 

However, just that evening, as Marlena was giving the girl a bath before bed, she noticed petechiae along her chest, and down the back of her legs. Marlena’s heart had done a full stop, jumping again in her chest, and speeding so fast it was almost painful. She recalled running her fingertips over the small blood vessels running over Gertie’s abdomen. He mind suddenly putting the myriad of pieces together, fatigue, joint pain, and bruising. It could be nothing, or it could be everything. 

Checking her watch, Marlena stepped out of her daughter’s room, closing the door behind her, and she went to call Dr. Welch. It was after 9:00 pm, and she knew it was late, but it was important. Dialing Dr. Welch’s home number, Marlena waited for her to answer, every ring of the telephone causing her anxiety to ratchet that much higher. Once she heard her friends voice answer, Marlena said, “Grace! I—I need to bring Gertie in first thing. I need some blood work done.”

“Marlena? You sound frantic,” Grace said softly, closing the door to her home office.

“Gertie’s been tired, complaining of leg pain. I thought—I thought it was growing pains, but tonight…she’s got bruising, Grace. Petechiae on her chest, and down the back of her legs.”

Grace felt her own heart speed up. Marlena was not the type of person to overreact. She was the calmest, coolest, most collected individual that Grace had ever worked with. “Can you bring her in early? Before my first patient? Say, around 7:30 in the morning?”

“I’ll be there. I’ll be there,” Marlena said, still struggling to get her body to calm down. “She can’t have cancer, Grace. She can’t! It’s got to be something else!” At two years old, Gertie had become the center of Marlena and Sami’s lives. The girl enchanted everyone who met her with her dark curls, and blue eyes. She wanted to save the lives of every creepy, crawly bug she encountered, and she was obsessed with Blues Clues. 

After hanging up the phone, Marlena sank into her couch, and began to cry. Deep wracking cries, because as much as she hoped and prayed it wasn’t cancer, she had a sinking feel that it was.

Sami came home to find her mother on the couch staring at the wall. She’d been crying, she could tell that much. Her eyes were red and swollen. “Mom?” Sami asked softly, placing her backpack by the front door. “Mom, why are you crying?”

Marlena looked at her daughter, Gertie’s second mother. At nineteen years old, all of the fire she’d had as a child had transformed into a passion for life, and a willingness to fight for the underdog. Sami was in her second year of college, majoring in biology. She had no idea what she was going to do with it yet, but she enjoyed science, and Marlena had always told her to pick something she loved. 

Marlena couldn’t lie to Sami, but she didn’t want to frighten her unnecessarily either. “I’m worried…”

“Worried? About what?”

“Gertie. She’s not been feeling well,” Marlena said slowly. “I made her an appointment with Grace in the morning.”

Sami studied her mother, and never one to mince words, said, “Why?”

“Why? Why what, Samantha? I just told you, she hasn’t been feeling well,” Marlena said, moving to stand up. Sami blocked her mother’s path.

“You’re being intentionally vague, Mom. What caused you to make an appointment this late, and why are you crying about it?”

“It’s probably nothing. I don’t want to upset you, and then find out it’s nothing.”

Sami was more mature than most girls her age, because she’d had to grow up fast. Looking at her mother in frustration, she said, “Mom, I’m almost twenty.”

“You’re nineteen,” Marlena said.

“I’m past nineteen, which is older than nineteen…and that makes me almost twenty. In Korea, I’m twenty. Stop treating me like a child. I can tell you’re worried. So, talk to me.”

“I want Dr. Welch to run some blood tests. That’s all. Gertie’s been a little tired, and complaining of leg pain,” Marlena said, refusing to make eye contact.

“That’s all?” Sami asked her. She knew her mother was holding back something. There was more to it.

“Yes. Of course that’s all.”

“No,” Sami said shaking her head. “No. Why are you lying to me?” She felt herself getting more worried and afraid, simply because she could tell that her mother was not telling her everything.

Shit. Marlena took a deep breath, and stood up, walking over to the window. “If I talk to you about this, you will not become hysterical, which you have a tendency to do. You will also wait until the results come in before becoming all doom and gloom. Do I have your word?”

“Yes.”

“I noticed bruising on the back of Gertie’s legs, and across her chest. Small little specks called petechiae…I wasn’t concerned when it was only fatigue, and leg pains. That could be a normal part of growing, but with the bruising…I need to get that checked out,” Marlena said.

Sami ran through everything she knew about biology in her mind, and she still wasn’t able to make a connection, “What could it be?”

“Nothing. It could be nothing, Samantha.”

“Or it could be something?”
“Yes, it could be something,” Marlena whispered.

The dots all connected in her mind, and Sami whispered back, “Cancer?”

“Possibly, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions. We can’t do that.”

Sami’s first instinct was to cry, wail, and fly into hysterics. Her mother knew her so well. But she didn’t. She looked at her Mom, and she said, “Okay.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John sat alone at his kitchen table with the remnants of his dinner in front of him. He was thinking of Marlena. Anytime he was alone, and the house was silent, he was thinking of Marlena. He dreamed of Marlena. Pulling his wallet out of his pocket, he took out the note she had left on the bedside table almost three years ago. He’d unfolded, and refolded it so many times, it was frail, and nearly falling apart. Every time he missed her, or thought about her, he would pull it out and read through it. 

John,

I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have done that, but I won’t lie, and say I regret it, because I don’t. Being able to have one last night with you, was amazing. I won’t ever regret that. I don’t want to ruin your marriage, and the life you’ve built with Isabella and Brady. That was never my intention.

I love you. I will always love you, Marlena

He didn’t regret it either. He regretted a lot of things, but never that. He hadn’t called her. He’d thought about it a million times. He’d picked up the phone a million times. He had decided to focus on his marriage, and yet he was miserable anyway. When he left Salem, he’d walked away from her, without even giving her a chance to decide what she wanted. In San Francisco, she’d done the same thing to him. John folded the note carefully, slipping it back into his wallet, and said softly, “Who left who, Doc?”

Chapter 13

Marlena sat with Sami in Dr. Grace Welch’s office, waiting for the results of Gertie’s tests. Gertie rested on her lap, fast asleep, with no understanding of the turn her life was about to take. It was few days before Christmas, and Marlena was still in a state of shock. Grace’s face was set in grim, stern lines, and even without telling them, Marlena knew. Grace opened her mouth to speak, and Marlena cut her off, “Cut the formality, Grace. What do we do now?”

“We need to have you, Sami, and Eric tested as possible bone marrow matches, although the likelihood is low with parents and half-siblings,” Grace said slowly. She’d had this conversation with parents before, but never with a colleaguem or someone she considered a close friend.

“What about Daddy and Brady, Mom?” Sami asked Marlena softly. “Maybe one of them might be a match.”

Marlena instantly became scared. She was so hesitant to try, and reach out to John again. Since her conversation with Isabella, she had been feeling especially low. Gertie having cancer was just another weight on her shoulders. “Can we see what the results are for Sami, Eric, and myself, first?” She knew that bringing John into this would have to be a last resort. He wanted to maintain no contact, and she had to respect that, until she had no other choice. In the back of her mind, she still struggled with her feelings for him. However, after her interaction with Isabella, the message was clear. John viewed their night together as a mistake, and if he wanted to be left alone, she would leave him be. She would never have anyone think that Gertie was anything less than a perfect blessing. 

“Mom!” Sami said, trying to get her mother’s attention. “We need everyone tested as soon as possible!”

Dr. Welch smiled at Sami, and said calmly, “We can test your family here first. We have time. Your keen eye, Marlena…we caught this early. We can test you first, and if we don’t have a match, then we can reach out to John, and we can also look for a potential match in the bone marrow registry. We have options.”

“What would be the best solution?” Sami asked.

Grace sighed, “Sami, in a perfect world, there would be no cancer. In a case like this the best scenario would be a full-blooded sibling, or stem cells, but stem cell research is in its infancy right now. We would need a specialist. What we need to do first is lower her white cell count. We have to do that before we can do anything else.”

“When can Sami and I be tested?” Marlena asked, softly stroking her hand over Gertie’s back.

“I can order the tests now, and you can do it before you leave today. I’d like to check Gertie into the hospital for a few days, and then we can discuss chemotherapy options,” Dr. Welch said.

“What about Eric?” Sami asked. “Does he need to come to Salem?”

“That would be preferable, but if we have to, we can get him tested at a hospital near where he’s living,” Grace said.

Sami turned to Marlena, “I’m going to call him, Mom.” Marlena stared at her daughter nervously. Eric had barely spoken to her since her divorce from Roman, and he’d never met Gertie. “He won’t say no. Not about this,” Sami said softly. “If he tries, I’ll go to Colorado and kick his ass myself.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John stepped out of the cab in front of Victor’s house, with Brady in his arms. The boy was fast asleep, having just dozed off less than fifteen minutes prior. He’d decided after speaking with Isabella the other day, that he and Brady would come to Salem and surprise her for Christmas. Brady missed his mother, and John didn’t like the idea of her being alone for the holidays in that huge house with Victor being ill. The door was opened by the housekeeper, who seemed very surprised to see him, “Mr. Black! We weren’t expecting you.”

He grinned widely, and whispered, “It’s a surprise, Janet.”

“Mrs. Black will be happy to have you here,” Janet replied reaching for his bags.

“Is she here now?”

“Mr. Kiriakis is still in the hospital, and she’s with him now. If you want to leave Brady with me, you can run over there, and meet her.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea, Janet. Which room should I put him in? The nursery?”

“Mr. Kiriakis had the nursery redesigned as a room for Brady,” Janet said excitedly, following John up the stairs.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena was so tired. Alice had watched Gertie while she and Sami had their blood drawn for the bone marrow testing. Once they’d finished, Sami had decided to go call Eric. She wanted him to come home to Salem, although Marlena wasn’t sure he would come. He was still harboring anger towards her for her affair with John, and Marlena couldn’t fault him for that. Once she was finished in the lab, she’d gotten Gertie from Alice, and returned to the lab. It had broken her heart to listen to her daughter cry as the technician drew blood from her tiny arm. Gertie had gotten herself so worked up, she’d cried herself to sleep in Marlena’s arms.

Marlena held her daughter close, one arm underneath her legs while her other arm gently cradled her body against her chest. She felt another tear slip free of her eyes, but she wasn’t able to brush it away. That would have to wait. She approached the nurses station, where Gertie’s admissions paperwork was already waiting, “Cecile, we’re ready.”

Nurse Harper looked up, and said softly, “Okay, Gertie’s going to be in room 356. I’ll let Dr. Welch know, and page Nurse Johnson. You can head over to the room now if you want. That way you can lay the baby down.”

“Thank you, Cecile,” Marlena said, turning away from her. Marlena began to slowly walk down to room 356.

John waited impatiently for the elevator doors to open. He wasn’t sure what room Victor was in, and the best way to get that information would be the main nurses station on the third floor. He didn’t want Brady to wake up, and be frightened that he wasn’t there. The doors slid open, and John was momentarily struck dumb. Marlena had just rounded the corner with a dark haired bundle in her arms. His chest constricted, and he felt his body stumble, his back hitting the wall, as he tried to remain on his feet.

Sami saw it unfold in real time, Marlena walking down the hallway with Gertie, while a stunned John stepped off of the elevator. She watched John stare after Marlena’s retreating figure with a face of abject shock, and her anger rose up inside her. Just as John regained his footing and moved to go after Marlena, Sami ran towards him. Grabbing his arm roughly, she looked around in a panic, her eyes finally landing on an open supply closet. With all of the strength she could muster, she pulled him inside, and slammed the door behind her.

John stared at Sami, unable to formulate words. His mind was reeling. Dreams he’d had over the last two years bombarded his mind. A birth. Rocking a child before bed. First steps. All of it fabricated by a mind that wanted something that could never be…or was it? He couldn’t process what he’d just seen, so he simply stared at her, breathing heavily, and waited. 

Sami could see his confusion, she could feel it rolling off of him in waves. He needed an explanation. She needed to give him that explanation, and she had no idea where she should begin. None. She was so angry, and she wanted to release that anger onto the man in front of her with the force of a thousand tsunamis, but he looked so lost. He looked so broken.

His deep blue eyes filled with tears, and he whispered finally, “I don’t understand.”

All of the sympathy she’d had a few seconds earlier, disappeared, and she snapped, “You don’t?”

He couldn’t reply. His throat was tight, and he wasn’t able to get any other words out, so he simply shook his head.

Sami exploded, her words spilling from her in an incoherent mass, as she flew forward, pounding her fists against his chest in a rage, while sobbing, “Mom cried herself to sleep every fucking night, waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass, and call her back! We did it by ourselves! All of it! Roman took everything! He took the savings, he took the house, and we had to do everything without you, because you never fucking called back!” She continued to cry, unable to stop, once her fury exhausted her, and John simply stood there in silence, and took it. He took it, and he tried to make sense of it.

He pulled her into his arms, running his hands over her hair gently, and allowed her to cry. He knew she was angry. She had said things about Roman, and about Marlena calling him, but Marlena hadn’t never called him. He was even more confused, and Sami, she was so grown up now, but still so very Sami. Impulsive and emotional. He cleared his throat, and whispered, “Sami…Sami…I need you to talk to me. I’m sorry. I am so sorry, but I need you to explain it to me. I need to know what’s going on, because I have no idea what you’re talking about, and I just—I just saw Marlena…and she—she had…” His voice trailed off. He couldn’t say out loud what he’d seen, because that might make it real, and it couldn’t be real. “Can you—can you start from the beginning, because I’m so confused.”

Sami pushed away from him, and spat, “The beginning was your night in San Francisco!”

John stared at her for a moment, “San Francisco?”

Reaching up, Sami pulled the cord above her head, illuminating the room in a bright fluorescent light. “Yeah, Dad, San Francisco. When you and Mom decided to sleep together! You know, they make these things called condoms, but apparently you two decided to forgo that option,” Sami said, rummaging through her purse, and pulling out a photograph. She handed it to John, and his whole world took a quantum leap.

He stared at the photo, trying to process Sami’s words. San Francisco. Condoms. Phone calls, and a photograph of the most beautiful little girl he had ever laid eyes on. The same child that had haunted his dreams for the last two years. He looked up at Sami. He was lost. His throat was so tight he couldn’t speak, and a pain unlike any he had known welled up in his chest. 

“Her name is Gertrude Alais Black, although you still need to sign the birth certificate to make that official. She was born on November 15, 1993. She loves bugs, although I don’t know why, and Blues Clues,” Sami said. “She’s two.”

John’s legs felt weak, and a tremble began in his body, “I don’t understand. Why didn’t Doc tell me?”

Sami snorted in disgust, “Didn’t you hear a thing I said? She tried! Over and over again, she called you. The day Gertie was born, something inside her died. She gave up. I could see it. Even as she smiled, and marveled over Gertie, there was a sadness in her. It’s been there ever since. We decided we were going to do it ourselves, and we have. We’ve done it all by ourselves. She tried to call you again, back in September, because Bo told her Isabella was coming to town. But again, you never returned her call,” Sami said. “Don’t blame her for that. Don’t you dare blame her for that! Twenty-nine unreturned calls…that’s on you! She was destroyed when you left Salem with Isabella. Destroyed! So, when you didn’t return her calls, she assumed you thought that night with her was a mistake. When she called you the last time…she didn’t think I heard her that night, but I did. She cried for hours. She called your office every Wednesday for seven months, Dad. Why didn’t you call her back?”

“I didn’t get the calls! Sami, I promise you, I never got the calls, and I never got the messages. I swear it. It wasn’t—and I—I picked up the phone so many times to call her, but I thought…” John reached for his wallet, his hand shaking violently. Pulling out the note Marlena had left him that morning in the hotel room, he unfolded it carefully, and he handed it to Sami.

Sami held the fragile note, written on hotel stationary, in her hand, and read her mothers words. Looking up at John, she said, “You thought she wouldn’t want to talk to you?”

“I thought—I thought if she didn’t reach out to me, if she wasn’t calling me, that maybe she didn’t want me to call her. I would have returned her call if I’d known. You know that.”

“I don’t know that! But, you know what, Dad? Maybe, that’s a conversation you need to have with your wife.”

“Isabella? What does Isabella have to do with this?”

“I don’t know,” Sami said. “But, I know what that bitch told Mom!”

John’s first impulse was to correct Sami’s language, but he held back. She wasn’t his anymore, and she was an adult. Her pain was visceral, and he needed to know what was going on. “What does Isabella have to do with this, Samantha?”

Sami sighed deeply, “About a month ago, Mom was on her way to pick up Gertie from the fish market. Mom said, Isabella told her to stop calling you. You didn’t want to hear from her. I know more was said, but Mom wouldn’t tell me anything more. You might not know about the phone calls, but your wife does.”

Isabella knew that Marlena had tried calling him. John whispered, “Where was Marlena calling?”

“Your office. She took your business card from your wallet.”

“She called my office nearly thirty times?”

“Dad! Yes,” Sami said. “Stop being dense. Figure out how Isabella knew about the phone calls, but you didn’t.” Sami pushed her hair from her face in frustration. “Gertie’s sick,” she said bluntly. “We just found out today, and I think every possible option needs to be tested as soon as possible. That’s the only way we can know what to do next.”

John was confused. He was missing a piece, a part of the story that might make this all make sense. “Tests? What kind of tests? Sami?”

“Gertie’s got cancer…leukemia. Mom figured it out pretty quickly, so they’ve caught it early. They’re checking her in right now. That’s why you saw Mom. They have to stabilize her white cell count, and then we have to start considering chemo options. We need to test you, and Brady, too, to see if you might be a match, but Dr. Welch says it’s not likely, since parents, and half-siblings are rarely matches. The next step would be the bone marrow registry,” Sami said. “Dr. Welch mentioned stem cell research, but that requires a specialist. Mom’s insurance won’t cover it, and the amount of money we would need…we don’t have it.”

John felt like he needed to sit down. His back hit the wall, and he said, “She’s sick? With cancer?” His hand shoved roughly through his hair, and he looked up at Sami, “I’ve got money, Peanut. I’ve got more money than I know what to do with. If you need—if we need a fucking specialist, we’ll get one.” He stood up quickly, and said, “I need to see Doc.”

“I’m not sure right now is the time to do that,” Sami said. “I think you need to speak with your wife first. Mom’s barely hanging on as it is. You speak with Isabella first. Figure out what the hell she’s been up to…then you can see Mom, because if you try to talk to Mom now, without answers, she’s liable to stab you with a syringe.”

“Okay,” he said roughly, taking a deep breath. “Okay, yeah, you’re right. Can you—can you meet me for coffee tomorrow morning?”

Sami eyed John warily, and whispered, “Okay. The diner over on 5th…8:00?”

John nodded, wiping his eyes quickly, and reached for Sami, hugging her tightly, “I’m sorry I left. I’m so fucking sorry I left.”

Chapter 14

Sami entered Gertie’s hospital room quietly. The lights were off, and her mother sat in the shadows, watching her sister sleep. Marlena’s frame was hunched, and she looked defeated. “Mom?” Sami whispered.

Marlena looked up, wiping her eyes quickly, “Were you able to get ahold of Eric?”

“I did,” Sami replied. “He’s going to come. He’s coming home. He says he’s going to try and get a flight out tomorrow morning.”

Marlena smiled, “I’m so glad.”

Sami considered telling her mother that she’d seen John, but decided not to. Not yet, anyway. She would meet him for coffee tomorrow, and then talk to Marlena about it. Receiving the news of Gertie’s diagnosis, and having her admitted, combined with Marlena’s stress over Isabella being in and out of the hospital all of the time was too much. In Sami’s mind, John could reveal himself to Marlena after he’d gotten an answer to Marlena’s most pressing question: why had he never called her back?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John was back at the Kirikis mansion before Isabella. He was relieved to find out that Brady had been fed dinner, and was settled in for the night. He sank into the couch in the living room, mulling over what limited information he’d gotten from Sami. Marlena had tried to contact him repeatedly. Not once or twice, but nearly thirty times within a seven month span, and Isabella knew about it. He heard the latch on the front door click, and John stood up, walking into the foyer.

Isabella looked up, shock painting her features, and John said, “We need to talk. Now.”

“John! I wasn’t expecting you,” she said in surprise, setting her purse on the table, and removing her coat.

“I wanted to surprise you…bring Brady for the holidays,” he said dully. “I went to the hospital looking for you.”

Isabella felt bile rising up in her throat, “You did? I—I didn’t see you.”

“I ran into Sami,” he said. His wife’s face paled, and he said, “You had a conversation with Marlena on the pier a month ago. What was it about?”

“I’m—I’m not sure. A month ago is a long time, John.”

“Don’t do this. Isabella, you need to start talking. Now,” John said in low tones, anger lacing every syllable. “What did you say to her?”

“I told her to leave us alone,” Isabella whispered. “I told her to let us live our lives, and leave us alone.”

“So you knew she had called me?”

“John!” Isabella cried. “We were starting out lives together. We were trying to move on, and make a home!”

John’s patience snapped, “Twenty-nine fucking phone calls, Isabella! Twenty-nine! To my G-d damned office!” Stepping closer, and leaning over her, he said, “What did you tell Barbara?”

“I—I don’t understand…” she stammered.

“Marlena was calling my office, Izzy B! What did you say to Barbara?” he said. “She took twenty-nine calls from Dr. Marlena Evans, and I never got a single fucking message! What did you tell her?”

“I—I told Barbara we were starting our life together, and I said Marlena was—she was someone from your past, and hearing from her would upset you,” she said softly.

His eyes bored into her, “That’s all?”

“Yes,” she lied. “I—I didn’t realize she’d called so many times.”

John stared at her for a moment, “You’re still lying.”

“John, honey, I’m not!” Isabella cried, allowing her tears to break free. “All I wanted was a life for us, a chance to make our own way, without being tied to your past. Don’t you understand?” John walked away from her, striding into the living room. “John! John, please! Don’t walk away from me!”

He snatched up the telephone sitting on Victor’s desk, and dialed the number for his office in San Diego. Isabella stared at her husband, her face awash in tears. Barbara’s voice came over the line, and John said, “Barbara, it’s John. What do you know about phone calls from Marlena Evans?” Barbara was silent on the end of the line, and John said, “If you don’t answer me, you won’t have a job tomorrow.”

“I was instructed by Isabella to throw out all messages from the woman, and to disregard all telephone calls,” Barbara said.

“Why?” John asked her, staring into his wife’s eyes. 

“Um, well, Isabella said Dr. Evans was stalking you,” Barbara said, stumbling over her words. “She was concerned that you would be upset by her calls and messages.”

John asked Barbara, barely able to contain his rage, “How many times did Marlena call?”

“She called every week for awhile, Mr. Black, but then it dropped off. She didn’t call for two years, until September. She called in September.”

“Did you and Isabella communicate about the phone calls? Was she aware of the frequency?”

“She was, Mr. Black. I was concerned, and said so. If you were being stalked, it seemed best to notify the police, but your wife was adamant that the police not be involved,” Barbara responded. 

“I’m going to say this one time, Barbara, do not ever, ever, screen my calls again. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Barbara said softly.

“Every call that comes in for me, every message left…I am to receive them all. My wife does not dictate who I can communicate with,” John said.

Barbara wasn’t sure what was happening, but her employer’s message was very clear, “I understand, Mr. Black. I’m sorry.”

John hung up the phone and said, “I told you not to fucking lie to me. You said Doc was stalking me? Did it ever occur to you that it might have been important? It might have been something with Sami or Eric, maybe an issue with Carrie?”

“John! What about us? We left! We left to start a new life. Sami, Eric, and Carrie, they have Marlena and Roman. You’re not their father anymore—”

“—I will always be their father!” John roared. “Do you know why Doc was calling me?”

Isabella’s eyes shifted slightly, and she said, “No…I wanted to forget her. I want you to forget her.”

John felt as if he were getting only part of the story, “I don’t believe you. Why don’t I believe you?”

“I’m sorry, John! I’m so sorry that I had Barbara throw out Marlena’s messages. I wanted a life for us, a life free of your precious Doc! You can’t fault me for that!”

“Can’t I?” John said, feeling bitter over the loss of two years with his daughter. 

“What did she want?” Isabella asked, knowing full well why Marlena had been calling. She wanted him to admit it. She wanted to force him to say the words she already knew. She wanted to be able to finally express the anger she’d been harboring for the last two years.

John sighed, and with little emotion, he said, “I cheated on you. On a business trip. I’d run into Marlena. It was one night. She was calling me…because she was pregnant.”

Isabella stared at him, “When? When did you cheat on me?”

“Almost three years ago,” he said. “I have a daughter. She’s two.”

Allowing her tears to escape again, Isabella, cried softly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Telling you would have hurt you…I was trying to avoid hurting you unnecessarily. I didn’t know she was pregnant. I didn’t know there was a child until tonight,” he told her. 

“You’re angry with me, because of what I did, and yet you tell me this?” Isabella said with her voice rising. “You cheated on me with Marlena! My biggest fear realized, John! The reason I told Barbara not to give you her messages, and all you’ve done is prove me right!”

“Don’t try and justify your actions. Don’t. I’ve lost two years with my daughter, because you lied to Barbara. Two years, Isabella! I don’t even know you!” he yelled. “What else have you kept from me?”

“Nothing, John! I swear, nothing!”

He eyed her warily, “Did you know about my daughter?”

“No!” she cried. “I didn’t know! I would never keep that from you. You have to believe me!”

“I don’t know what I believe anymore,” he said. “What I do know is that I have to somehow repair Marlena and Sami’s trust in me. I have to forge a relationship with my daughter…and Brady? Brady has a sister.”

Isabella sobbed, “Are you trying to destroy me?”

“I won’t ignore a child of mine, Isabella. I won’t. There’s a lot going on, and I—I don’t have the patience to explain it to you right now,” John said, turning to walk away.

Isabella blocked his path, “When? When do you plan on explaining this to me?”

He sighed deeply, a profound sadness taking over his features. “My daughter has cancer. Marlena and Sami found out today,” John said softly. “Sami says Marlena is barely hanging on. I have to fix this. Marlena thinks I abandoned her. She thinks that I received those messages, and ignored her. She thinks I want nothing to do with my child, and she thinks that because of you.”

He tried to step around her, and she grabbed his arm, “So is that it? Are you divorcing me?”

“I’m not divorcing you, but I’m not sleeping beside you, either. I have to fix this with Marlena. I have to rebuild the trust with her, because right now, she hates me,” John said.

“I’m your wife! Brady is your son! Do you plan on abandoning us, while you traipse off after your whore ex-wife?”

John felt his fist clench at his side, “Don’t you ever speak about Marlena like that again. What we did…we did together—”

“—she seduced you!”

“We got drunk, Isabella. She did not seduce me,” he told her. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, but you will not debase Marlena’s character to patch your wounded pride. Do you hear me?”

Isabella’s rage was taking over, “She knew you were married!”

“I knew she was married!” John roared. “And now her marriage is over, and she was left to have my child, and raise her for two years alone, with no financial help at all! I’ve got to fix this. I should have called her! How many times over the last few years have I thought I needed to call her? I held back…and you held me back…” He turned away from her, shrugging her hand from his arm, and began to walk up the stairs, “I’m sleeping in the guest room. I’ve got to figure out how I’m going to fucking fix this mess.”

Chapter 15

John had barely slept. How could he? His mind could barely process the information influx of the evening before. Isabella had intentionally lied to Barbara and manipulated the older woman, because of her own insecurities. As a result, he’d lost two years with his daughter. He wasn’t sure how his marriage could come back from that. He blamed Isabella, but he also blamed himself. Isabella was justified in her insecurities. He was drawn to Marlena, and he had cheated on his wife. Having Barbara block those messages, Isabella hadn’t intended it to blow up the way it did. She hadn’t known about his affair, and his daughter, and kept him from them. He had to believe it when she told him that, didn’t he? If he couldn’t trust her, what did they have? But then he thought about what he’d done. His affair with Marlena. He had to rebuild that trust with his wife as well. 

Sami slid into the booth across the table from him, “Hey, Daddy.”

“Hey, Peanut,” he replied.

“So?”

John raised his eyebrow, “So?”

“Did you talk to Isabella?” Sami asked.

“She admitted…she knew about the phone calls. She had my secretary screen those calls. I never knew.”

“Why?” Sami asked. She was angry, because Isabella’s actions had hurt her mother so deeply. “Why would she do that?”

“She said, she was afraid to lose me. She wanted a new start for our family, and that meant, leaving behind my old life,” John said.

“Kind of a fucked up thing to do,” Sami said. “Making decisions for you. Did she know how many times my Mom called you?”

“She did.”

“Dad, I don’t understand! How could she know that my Mom kept calling…repeatedly calling, and still refuse to tell you? Nobody calls that much unless it’s important. Mom kept saying that it was important, as a matter of fact, I heard her once, and she said imperative,” Sami said in frustration. “And what kind of secretary do you have? Does she work for you, or your wife?”

John sighed, “At this point, I have no idea.”

Sami started laughing, a loud snort escaping, before she slapped her hand over her mouth, and John smirked. Once she’d regained her composure, she asked, “Did you miss us? Did you miss us at all?”

“I did,” John said softly. “You, Eric, and Carrie…the Brady’s…Marlena, you were everything to me.”

“They miss you…Grandma and Grandpa. They talk about you all the time, and they tell Gertie stories about her Daddy. They love Gertie like their own granddaughter. Grandma calls you the ‘son of her heart’,” Sami said. 

The server arrived, and John placed an order for a black coffee, while Sami ordered chocolate chip pancakes, with a chocolate malt.

“Still a sugar addict, I see,” John said. Sami shrugged, and sat there awkwardly. John knew he had a lot to make up for. He’d hurt more than Marlena when he left Salem. He would have to work at fixing those broken relationships, with Caroline and Shawn, Eric, Carrie, Marlena…and with Sami. “I’m sorry, Peanut. I’m sorry for leaving.”

“It really hurt Mom,” she said softly.

“You,” John said, just as quietly, reaching for her hand. “I’m sorry for leaving you, too.”

“Damn it,” she said, wiping at her cheeks furiously. He’d hit her hard with that statement. Her issues related to his abandonment of her were something she always pushed down. She couldn’t face those, when her mother’s pain was so much worse. 

“Did you tell Marlena I’m in town?”

“No. I didn’t want to put that on her last night,” Sami said. “She doesn’t sleep well as it is…”

“She doesn’t?”

Sami wasn’t sure how much to tell him, but she said, “She wakes up at all hours of the night. I can hear her.”

John was quiet, trying to process what Sami hadn’t said. Finally he asked her softly, “How are you doing?”

“I’m a sophomore at Salem University. I was accepted to some other schools, but I wasn’t willing to leave Mom. I’m kind of like her side kick. Gertie’s Mom #2, you know?”

“I can’t believe you’re in college. I remember you and Eric fighting over which type of pancakes to have for breakfast on a Saturday,” John said with a laugh, reaching for the steaming mug of coffee that was placed in front of him.

Sami laughed, saying, “Why would someone choose blueberry pancakes, when you could have chocolate chip? That makes absolutely no sense! Something is wrong with him, and you will never convince me otherwise.”

“How’s Carrie?”

“She’s good. She just started an internship with Mickey Horton. Apparently, now she’s decided she wants to be a lawyer. The girl needs to make up her mind, if you ask me,” Sami said. She paused for a moment, and she asked him, “Are you leaving again?” Could she depend on him? Could she hope that he would stay, and that her mother wouldn’t be so alone in raising Gertie?

“Sami…when I made my decision to leave…I made an impulsive decision out of a deep, profound pain, and I’m going to regret that for the rest of my life,” he whispered. “I can’t make up for that, but I can try. I’m not leaving again. I haven’t discussed it with Isabella yet, but I decided last night. I’m not leaving.”

“You promise? Even if Mom tries to push you away? Because she’s got so many trust issues they would fill a storage container.”

“That’s a pretty specific example, Sami,” John said, laughing at her wit, “but yes, even then.”

“Roman was pretty shitty to her,” Sami told him distractedly. She cut into her pancakes, and shoveled a large bite into her mouth with a moan.

John watched her chew and swallow, and then he asked her, “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Not much to the story. Mom told him she was pregnant, and he knew it was yours. He’d known she ran into you in San Francisco, and Mom’s not the type to cheat…well in the traditional sense. He knew if she was pregnant, that it was yours. Well, there was a small chance that it was his…but both of them knew Gertie would be yours. Mom said she knew it in the deepest part of her soul. Gertie would be your baby. Roman felt it was yours too. He also knew she wouldn’t cheat with some random dude,” Sami said, shoving more pancake in her mouth. “It had to be you.”

“You’re right. She wouldn’t,” John said softly. “So he kicked her out of the house?”

“She offered to leave, but the asshole did move all their savings to an account with only his name. She went to the bank one day, and it was all gone. Every damn penny, and she couldn’t do anything about it,” Sami told him. “Even though, I’m pretty sure most of that money was actually yours.”

“All of it? Sami there was nearly $30,000 in that account when we came back from Mexico!”

“I don’t think much was added after that, so yeah, it was mostly yours,” she said.

“That was for Marlena, why was his name on the account?”

“After you left, he insisted on joint accounts. Something about getting their marriage back, and ‘trust’. It was a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. After Mom was kidnapped by Stella, everything started falling apart, but maybe it was falling apart before that, and I just didn’t notice. She was so traumatized, and Roman was no help at all. She’d wake up screaming almost every night, and Roman started sleeping in the guest room,” Sami said. “I feel bad, but Eric and I…we couldn’t handle it. The tension was constant. Mom wasn’t getting any better. We ran away. There’s no real excuse. We were sixteen, and we couldn’t handle it, so we ran to Colorado.”

“When I ran into your Mom in San Francisco, there was this sadness that surrounded her. I could see in her eyes, the way she spoke, even the way she carried herself.”
Sami sighed, “It was pretty much over by then. Roman was rarely home, he worked constantly or was away on ISA missions.” Sami started laughing, “He got really angry when he came home and found out she’d gotten three cats.”

John’s mind flashed to a conversation he’d had with Marlena nearly three years earlier, “If you want a cat. Get a cat. Get three cats, Doc. Fuck Roman.” John looked at her, and then laughed, “Good for her!”

“Three cats. She named one of those brats Jon.”

“She named her cat John?”

“Yes, but Mom was pretty clear, it’s J-O-N, Jon. Come on! You know it’s your fault.”

“My fault? How is that my fault?”

“You told her to get three cats. At least that’s the story I got,” Sami said with a smile.

“I wasn’t serious!” John said with a smirk, but he was pleased that Marlena had done that, and even more pleased to know one was named Jon. “Okay, well maybe I was. What did she name the other two?”

“Strawberry and West Virginia,” Sami said. “Don’t ask me why. I have no idea, and she won’t tell me.” John smiled widely, stealing a bite of her pancake, when Sami said, “But you know why she named them that, don’t you? Can you tell me?”

“Nope,” he replied, chewing loudly.

“Why?”

“None-ya,” John said laughing. “None-ya business.”

Sami couldn’t believe he was pulling that line on her, “Oh my G-d, Dad! I’m not eight any more!”

“If Roman took the house, where are you living?” John asked, changing the subject. “Are you in an apartment, or a house?”

“An apartment. It’s kind of small, and we could have gotten something bigger, but it would have been in a different part of town. We’re fine,” Sami said.

“We?”

“Mom, and I…we’re like a team. The dynamic duo. Electra Woman and Dyna Girl. So yes, ‘we’. I came home from Colorado, and sure, she’s my mom, but we’re also best friends. We discuss everything. I told you, Dad…I’m Gertie’s, Mom #2.”

“You’ve grown into such an amazing young woman,” John told her. “I’m so glad that you’ve been here for your mom.”

“You raised me. I haven’t forgotten that. You had a hand in how I’ve turned out,” she replied. “I still think of you as my father. Eric does, too, even though Eric was pretty angry at both of you for awhile. My anger towards you comes and goes. ”

“I can understand that, I guess. I left you…I walked away.”

“For Eric, it’s more than that. He thinks your affair is what ended Mom and Roman’s marriage, but the marriage was over before you ever ran into each other in San Francisco. Neither one of them was willing to admit it, until Mom found out she was pregnant, but by then, they were barely speaking. He understands that now,” Sami said softly.

They were both quiet for awhile. Listening to the bustle of the diner around them, and then John said, “Sami, I need to speak with your Mom. I have to get this sorted.”

“She’s going to push you away,” she said. “Are you ready for that?”

“I told you, Peanut. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay,” John told her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena sat beside Gertie’s bed, watching her sleep. The sounds of the hospital drifted in under the closed door, and Marlena could hear the bustling outside. Gertie’s eyes opened, a magnificent shade of blue, and she said, “Mama? I tirsty.”

“I’ll get you some water, baby,” Marlena said softly. Holding the straw to Gertie’s mouth she watched with tears in her eyes as her daughter sipped water.

Pulling off of the straw, Gertie smiled, “Tank ooo.”

“Oh, my darling, you’re welcome!” Marlena said, brushing her daughters curls back from her face.

There was a soft knock on the door, and it opened slowly. Marlena nearly shrieked with joy when Eric poked his head in, and said, “Hey, Mom.”

“Eric! Oh, G-d! Eric,” Marlena cried, running across the room, and throwing her arms around him. “I’m so glad you came. I’m so glad!”

Eric held his mother, while she cried out tears of joy, and fear, and grief. “Sami called me, and—and I decided to come. I’m not going to let you go through this alone.”

Marlena wiped her eyes, “I wasn’t sure if you’d—”

“—I won’t lie, Mom. I was angry, but after talking to Sami…and Grandma, I realized…well, I realized that maybe I didn’t understand everything,” Eric said quietly.

“Er’wik?” called a little voice from a large hospital bed.

They both turned to see Gertie staring at them solemnly, and Marlena said, “Eric, this is Gertie.”

He walked closer to the bed, and saw his little sister in person for the first time. He’d seen photos, because of course, his grandparents had them around the house, but in person, she was the perfect, female impression of John. Looking at his mother, he said, “She looks like Dad—John.”

“She does,” Marlena said softly. 

“Hey there, Gertie. I’m Eric,” he said, sitting down beside her. 

Gertie stared at him with a very serious expression, “Wike Boos Cooz?”

Eric looked at his mother helplessly, and Marlena laughed, saying, “Blues Clues. She’s asking you, if you like Blues Clues.”

“What is that?”

“It’s a children’s show about a blue dog, aptly named Blue, and she searches for clues…and sometimes she checks the mail,” Marlena said with a shrug, finding humor in her sons confusion.

Turning back to Gertie, Eric said, “I’ve never watched that show, but maybe I can watch it with you?”

Gertie’s eyes lit up, and she smiled. That’s all Eric needed to say to win her heart, “O’tay…Mama?”

“Yes, munchkin?”

“I tiwerd,” she said with a yawn.

“Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise,” Marlena said, kissing her daughter on the cheek. “I promise.”

Gertie rolled to her side, pulling her legs up and tucking her hands under her chin, and Marlena turned away, wiping furiously at the tears falling over her face. She wanted John beside her. She wanted his reassurance, and she had almost caved in. She had almost called his office to try and reach him, just one more time, but she’d hung up the phone quickly. She had to face reality, she was doing this without John.

“Mom?” Eric said, stepping up behind her, and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “I’m going to stick around for awhile. I’m not going to let you and Sami go through this alone.”

Leaning her head towards him slightly, Marlena whispered, “Thank you.”

Chapter 16

John wasn’t sure how to initiate his conversation with Marlena. There was no perfect plan. It wouldn’t matter where they were, or how he approached her, the feelings would be the same. She felt betrayed. She felt unloved. And the trust? He was going to have to try to rebuild the trust. He wasn’t sure that Sami’s plan was the best way to do it, but he was willing to admit that his first face to face with Marlena couldn’t be public; however, the last time he’d been alone with her, both of them consumed with heightened emotions, things had gone sideways. They’d made love, not once, but several times. They’d made Gertie. Marlena was angry, and hurt. Rightfully so. John was confused, and desperate to repair their relationship. Maybe a little too desperate.

He sat on Marlena’s couch and waited. Sami told him that Marlena would wait until the doctors first rounds were over, before coming home to shower and change. She had appointments in the afternoons. At some point, while waiting, he fell asleep. The click on the door latch woke him, and even without seeing her face, he felt her. The hair on the back of his neck stood up, and a shiver wracked his body. Turning around, his eyes caught hers, and his heart started to slam in his chest. She stared at him with wide eyes, and all he could do was smile, and say, “Hey, Doc.”

She stood in her open doorway, staring at him with a racing heart, and she said quietly, “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk.”

“I’m pretty sure you made it clear that you didn’t want to do that,” she said, closing the door behind her, and shrugging out of her coat. She gave him one last look, and walked into her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

John continued to sit on the couch. Sami was right. This was not going to be easy. He sighed heavily, standing up, and walked to the mantle over the fireplace. One by one he studied the photos sitting there, with a sinking feeling in his heart. In the corner of the room, was a small play area, where a few toys lay scattered about, and a small pink plastic table sat. John reached for a small book, gasping softly when he opened it, and realized it was a photo album. John scanned the pages, memories coming back to him as he studied photos of himself with Marlena, Eric, Sami, Carrie…even pictures of him alone. All of them had captions, written like a storybook. His eyes filled with tears when he read, “Sami and Daddy after har dance class.” Sami sat on his lap, with her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. He had been absent from his daughters life since before her birth, but Marlena and Sami had made sure Gertie knew who he was.

He heard Marlena’s bedroom door open, and he spun to face her. All he caught was her retreating back, as she slipped into the bathroom. She couldn’t avoid him forever. Placing the album back onto the small child sized table, John walked over to the bathroom, knocking on the door lightly, “Doc? Doc…we need to talk. Please?” He got no response, and he heard the shower water turn on. He knocked again, “Doc, please…will you let me explain?”

Marlena heard the knock on the door, and stood in the shower completely silent, and immobile, trying to remember if she had turned the lock. Her heart raced. Had she locked the door? She cracked the shower door, and stared at the door knob, her eyes wide. She was about to jump out of the shower, and check when she saw it turn, and silently cursed herself for her idiocy. John poked his head in, “Doc?” 

“John! Go away!” she said, slamming the frosted shower door closed. “John! Get out!”

Keeping his eyes averted, he sat on the floor facing the door, and said, “No. I have to speak with you.”

“Not while I’m in here!” she cracked the shower door again, and watched him stubbornly seat himself in the middle of the bathroom floor. She asked him in frustration, “Can you wait in the living room? Please?”

“No,” he said, settling back on his palms and crossing his ankles.

Marlena was quiet for a moment, before she said, “I don’t think this is the time for a conversation. I—I wasn’t expecting you, and—um, I’d like to be more presentable.”

“I think it’s the perfect time. You can’t run away from me, if I sit here and block the door,” he muttered under his breath, but she still heard him. 

“How did you get in my home?” Marlena said.

“Sami let me in…I met her for coffee this morning. I saw her last night. I saw you last night, Doc,” John told her.

“Saw me…where?” she asked him warily

“At the hospital,” he said softly, staring at the towel hanging on the back of the bathroom door. 

The room was silent, only the sound of running water filled the room. Steam swirled around them, and all John could do was breath in the scent of Marlena’s soap. He could hear her moving around. He could imagine her hands sliding along her skin, slick with soap. He nearly groaned out loud. He sighed softly, and said, “I didn’t know you called, Doc.”

Marlena stopped her movement, “What?”

“I didn’t know that you were trying to reach me,” he said. “Sami told me you had called me, that’d you’d tried to contact me about Gertie, but I swear, I didn’t know. I confronted Isabella last night, and she—she tried to lie to me about it, but I checked with Barbara, my secretary.” Marlena’s silence was killing him, but he forged ahead, “Isabella told her you were stalking me. She told Barbara—”

“—that bitch! That fucking bitch!” Marlena cried, smacking her hand into the shower wall. She pictured Isabella’s sneer on the pier a month before. Her self satisfied smirk, and Marlena said, “She—she told me you…”

John could hear the rage, and sadness in her voice. He didn’t blame her at all. He sighed, “I’m just as angry as you are, believe me. Doc, if I had known…I never…I never would have ignored your calls. Please tell me you believe me!”

Marlena continued to cry softly. She was relieved that he hadn’t intentionally ignored her, but she whispered, “You never even tried to contact me. Not once.”

“I thought your note was pretty clear,” he said. “You didn’t regret that night together, but that’s all it was…one night. You left me asleep in the bed. You told me to focus on my marriage…my son. You can’t imagine how many times I held the telephone in my hand, and dreamt of calling you.”

“But you didn’t,” she said. “You didn’t. If you had…just once—you might have known.”

“I’m sorry, baby—”

“Don’t!” she said forcefully, resuming the her harsh scrubbing of her skin. “Don’t! Don’t call me baby…”

“I’m—I’m sorry,” he said.

“You still could have reached out to me,” she said softly, as she turned off the water to the shower. Standing there helplessly, she cracked the shower door, and stuck her hand out, “Could you hand me my towel, please?”

John stood up, reaching for Marlena’s towel from the hook on the back of the bathroom door, and walked backwards to hand it over his shoulder. She stared at his back for a moment, remembering how soft his hair was, before she whispered, “Thank you,” and reached for it.

Marlena’s fingers brushed his, and he forced himself to stay still, staring at the back of the bathroom door. He said, “You’re right, Doc. I should have called…I wanted to. G-d, I wanted to so badly, but everything has been…stressful with Isabella, and—and the way you left San Francisco…fuck. I should have called, I know that.” He heard the glass door to the shower slide open, and a shiver raced through his body when the moist steam hit his skin.

“I called you every Wednesday from April to November…and then, the day Gertie was born, I gave up,” she whispered sadly.

The room was hot, and the scent of her soap was intoxicating. His reaction to her was visceral. Unable to stop himself, he turned around to face her. She was gorgeous, with her hair piled on top of her head, while loose, wet strands curled around her face. Her skin was clean, with a pink blush to it, and she simply stared at him. John stepped closer, whispering, “I’m sorry, Doc. I’m so sorry…I should have reached out. I picked up the phone, and stared at it so many times. I read the note you left me, over and over again, and I should have called you.”

“But you didn’t. I just wanted you to know about Gertie. I thought—I’ve thought for nearly three years—”

John stepped closer, reaching for her face, and rubbing his alongside hers, “I’m so sorry, Doc.”

She knew it wouldn’t take any effort to get lost in him again, so she stepped back quickly, and said, “Don’t…don’t touch me…”

Feeling how fragile she was, he whispered, “Doc…just let me hold you. Please.”

“No,” she said softly. “No…you can’t. I’m—I’m too vulnerable…I’m…it’s too raw right now, John.” She started crying. She sounded like she was in so much pain, and anytime Marlena hurt…he hurt, too. 

John stepped forward, “Just let me hold you…let me be strong for you right now, because Sami told me, you’ve spent the last three years being strong.”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena cried. Feeling his hands land softly on her hips, she threw her arms around his neck, and sobbed into him. She was tired of having to be strong, and hold herself together for everyone around her. She wanted, even if it was for a brief moment, she wanted someone to take care of her. Burying her face in John’s neck, she sobbed, “I’m so scared. I can’t lose Gertie. I can’t lose her, John.”

“We won’t lose her, Doc,” John said roughly. “We’re going to figure this out. We will. I promise you, we will!”

“You don’t know that,” she cried. “You can’t make promises like that, John.”

“I know. I know,” he whispered feeling so helpless. 

“The chance that any of us might be a match for her are so slim. Sami, Eric, and I, have already been tested,” she said against his chest. “That leaves you and Brady…”

John released Marlena, and placed some space between them. He was starting to feel stirrings of arousal, and that wasn’t where he wanted this conversation to go. He had to work at rebuilding trust. John kissed her forehead. Tipping his head to look into Marlena’s hazel orbs, he said softly, “Sami said something about stem cells…and maybe a specialist?”

Marlena felt her chest constrict, and her breathing begin to pitch as her panic rose, “I can’t afford that!” She continued to take gulps of air, and she leaned against the sink, feeling weakness in her knees, at nothing more than the thought of trying to find a specialist she could afford. 

He quickly swept her up in his arms again, holding her tightly to his chest, and said, “I can. I can do that, Doc.” He pulled back from her slightly, looking into her upturned face, “I can do that…”

She was lost in her own vulnerability. She was lost in the sound of John’s voice, and the color of his eyes. She was also scared that he would leave again. “No. No,” she said, pushing at his chest in order to get away from the spell that had somehow woven around them. “I can’t count on that, John. I can’t count on you staying here.”

John held her fast, pulling her towel clad body even closer, whispering, “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

Baby. Marlena’s tears started falling again, and she pushed against him harder, “You can’t promise me that! You can’t promise me that!”

Pushing her against the wall, he used his body to hold her there, while his hands threaded through hers, and held them tightly to the wall, “Yes. I can. I can promise you that, Doc. I am promising you that. I’m not leaving Salem. Look at me!”

Marlena’s eyes drifted up to his slowly, staring at him through a tear filled haze, “And what if you leave again?”

“I’m not leaving,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I’m not leaving. I’ll move my office to Salem, but I promise you…I promise, Doc…I won’t leave again.” Her head fell forward into his neck, and John tipped his face down to hers, saying softly, “Please don’t cry, Doc. Please.”

“What are we going to do?”

“We’re going to find a specialist in stem cell research, and we’re going to find the best oncologist that money can buy. You’re not by yourself anymore, Doc,” John whispered, running his fingers lightly over her jaw, and brushing hair from her forehead. “You’re not alone.”

She was falling into his eyes, again, and she tried to pull away, “John, let me go.”

“No,” he whispered, leaning down to softly kiss her neck. Isabella flashed in his mind. He had a wife. He had to remember that, but he didn’t stop.

“John, please,” Marlena whispered. “Let me go.”

He licked her skin, where her neck met her shoulder, gently, and mumbled, “No.”

Her core clenched, even as she said, “We can’t—we can’t do this again…”

“Why?” he asked her, lifting his head, and watching her face.

“Because, you’re—you’re married, and we already did this once in San Francisco—”

“—Doc,” he rasped, rolling his forehead over hers. “If I wasn’t married?”

Her stomach fluttered and clenched with want, but she shook her head furiously, pushing him back, “You’re married…and I’ve already ruined my own marriage. I can’t let you ruin yours.” She stepped around him, and opened the bathroom door. “Let me get dressed. We can go to the hospital…I want you to meet your daughter.”

Chapter 17

The room was dim, and the bustle of the hospital could still be heard outside of the room. John stared down at his daughter, asleep in her bed, and he said to Marlena softly, “This is going to sound insane, but I dreamed about her.” Marlena’s eyes scanned over his feature, while he continued to look at Gertie in awe. “I dreamed about her…and you. I know every line of her face. I know the color of her eyes. I don’t understand it. I don’t. I thought…I kept thinking I needed to let you go. I thought my mind was conjuring fantasies of the life I wanted, to torture me…but she’s real. She’s right here, and she’s real.”

“John,” Marlena said, barely above a whisper. “That’s not possible.”

“Before last night, I might have agreed with you, but when you walked by me, cradling her body close to you, my world turned upside down, Doc. I don’t know how…but it’s possible.”  He gently smoothed his hand over Gertie’s soft dark curls, and he whispered, “I didn’t know her name…you always called her munchkin.”

A gasp escaped her, and Marlena nearly lost her footing, “What?”

John turned to face her, “I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I call her munchkin all the time. I called her munchkin when I was pregnant with her.”

“I dreamt her birth. I dreamt of rocking her to sleep,” he said in awe. “I dreamt of watching you feed her after she was born. I feel like I know her, and I’ve never met her.”

“She looks so much like you, everyone says so,” Marlena said with pride. “Caroline and Shawn, Alice and Tom…Abe thinks she’s your female clone, and Lexie, they all adore her.”

John was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “I don’t understand…why didn’t someone tell me? If everyone knew…why?”

“I wanted…maybe it was selfish, but I wanted it to come from me…and I thought, I guess I thought you didn’t want to know.”

“So…Bo knew?”

“Yes.”

“And he never said a word to Isabella?”

“He said, she never asked about me, and he never spoke of me. I didn’t want him to be in the middle of it, but I was pleased that he kept it to himself. John, whether you agree with me or not, I felt it needed to come from me. Instead, you found out from Sami.”

“Sami confirmed it,” he said. “But, Doc, I knew as soon as I saw you walk by. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, and I nearly passed out in the supply closet, trying to catch my breath…but I already knew.”

“Oh, G-d! She told you in a supply closet?”

“I don’t think it was a fully thought out plan,” he said with a soft laugh. “She grabbed me, and tossed me in the closet. She then proceeded to beat my chest, and cry for nearly ten minutes, shouting about Roman, phone calls, and the importance of condoms.”

Marlena blushed deeply, “She didn’t.”

“Oh, she did,” John said, laughing a little louder.

Glancing at her watch, Marlena said, “I have an appointment in a few minutes…were you able to stay with Gertie? It’s okay if you need to leave, Alice usually sits with her when I can’t…or Sami. There’s usually someone.”

John reached for her hand, running his thumb over her palm slowly. He felt her body tremble, and he said, “I’ll stay, Doc.”

She remembered his touch along her palm in San Francisco, and she pulled her hand away breathlessly. Staring up at him, she whispered, “Okay. I should only be a few hours, if you need a break, Alice should be around.”

John watched Marlena leave, and sighed deeply. He shouldn’t want her so much, but he still did. He wanted to comfort her, but that led to wanting to be affectionate with her, and that led to becoming aroused. Always aroused.

He pulled a chair near Gertie’s bed, and he sat down. She was so small, and so beautiful. Long dark lashes rested against her face, and her lips had a pouty look to them as she dreamed. John wasn’t sure at what point he felt asleep, but he was woken by the feeling of a small, pudgy finger poking him in the face. He groggily opened his eyes, to see Gertie sitting up on the bed in front of him. He wasn’t sure what time it was. He smiled at his daughter, and said, “Hey, Gertie.”

“We’wer Mama?” she said. 

“You’re Mama had to go to work, but she’ll be back soon,” John said softly.

Pointing her small finger at him, she studied him for a moment, and inquired, “Oooo Dada?”

She recognized him, and his heart fluttered in his chest, as he responded, “I’m your Daddy.”

“Dada?” she said. “Wike Boos Cooz?”

He was vaguely familiar with Blues Clues because of Brady, and he told her, “I like Blue’s Clues.” 

Gertie shoved her thumb in her mouth, but then she pulled it out quickly, and said, “Tiwerd.”

Lifting her out of the bed, he placed her on his lap, saying, “Snuggle up with Daddy, munchkin. I’m tired too.”

She was so trusting. She curled up in John’s arms, pulled her thumb out of her mouth, “Boo wiv wif Steve.”

John tried to decipher what she was saying as she continued to talk about a television show he had only seen once or twice. All he could do is stare at her in wonder, and breath in the scent of baby that seemed to surround her. As her words became further spaced, and she started to doze off, John snuggled her body close to his, and went back to sleep.

When Marlena returned, after her last patient, an hour later, she found Gertie curled up in her fathers lap. She quietly moved to sit on the small sofa at the end of the bed, and watched them both sleep. She wanted to trust him when he said he would stay. She wanted to believe him when he said he would be there for her, but she also knew that he had a wife and a son. He had commitments to another family.

She looked up when Sami came in the room, dropping her backpack carelessly by the door. Sitting beside her mother she whispered, “I see you two didn’t kill each other.”

“You could have warned me,” Marlena said.

“Really? And how would that have gone?” Sami asked her mother with a smirk. “I think my plan worked out just fine.”

“And what was your plan exactly, Samantha Gene?”

“Okay…well, um, I didn’t exactly have anything past forcing you guys into a room together.”

“I think that photo album you made a few months ago actually worked,” Marlena said. “I was skeptical at first, but Gertie seems to have taken to John right away.”

“She probably talked his ear off, and fell asleep talking about Blues Clues,” Sami said.

John shifted in the chair, trying to stretch without waking his daughter, and mumbled, “She did, and I didn’t understand half of it.”

Sami snorted, and slapped her hand over her mouth quickly, while Marlena frowned at her. John stood, placing Gertie in her bed, and covering her up. Glancing at Marlena he said, “I need to schedule the blood tests for Brady and myself. Where should I go?”

Marlena said to Sami, “Are you okay to sit with Gertie for a few minutes while I take John to see Grace?”

“Mom, I have so much homework, I want to cry. I’ll be fine here with my trusty biology book,” Sami said with sarcasm, standing up to get her backpack. 

“Okay, I’ll be back in a little bit,” Marlena said.

John reached for Sami, pulling her into his arms, and whispered, “I love you, Peanut.”

“I love you too, Dad. I’m glad you pulled your head partway out of your ass.”

“Partway?” he asked her with a smirk.

“It’s a process,” Sami said. “But you will be happy to know, I’ve decided I don’t need to slash the tires on your car.”

“Was that something you were planning to do?”

Sami smiled brightly, “Oh, yeah. It was a plan.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena and John left Grace’s office, and boarded the elevator to go back to down to the third floor. Grace had reassured Marlena that John and Brady had a standing order in the lab, so an appointment wouldn’t be necessary. She looked over at him, and said, “Thank you for doing this.”

“Doc…please don’t. She’s my daughter, you should expect me to do this…not thank me,” he told her softly. 

Marlena’s eyes filled with tears. She’d spent three years depending on no one but herself. She’d had friends. She’d had Sami by her side, but she never let herself depend on them wholly. She told herself to be strong. Having John beside her was more than she could have hoped for. Looking up at him, she couldn’t speak. She worried, if she came to depend on him, one day he might be gone again.

“C’mere, Doc,” John said softly, pulling her into his arms. 

He was holding her sobbing body against his when the elevator doors opened on the fourth floor, and he heard his wife say, “Are you kidding me?”

“Daddy!” Brady shouted, rushing into the elevator, with Isabella behind him.

Marlena stepped away from John, brushing the tears from her face quickly, and John lifted Brady into his arms, “Hey, Slugger! Daddy missed you!”

“You did? Where you been all day?” Brady asked him curiously.

“I’ve been taking care of some stuff,” John said. Looking at his wife, he said, “I was getting ready to come and see you, but since you’re here I can talk to you now. Brady and I need to get our blood drawn at the lab to be tested against Gertie’s blood. Since Brady’s already here, we could get it done now.”

“We need to discuss this, John. I’m not sure how I feel about Brady being involved in any of this,” Isabella said.

The elevator doors opened on the third floor and John stepped off with Brady in his arms. Marlena stepped off behind him, and Isabella reluctantly followed. John stared at his wife for a moment, and he said, “Brady and I are going to the lab. He’s my son. Gertie is my daughter. Like it or not Isabella, Brady is involved in this.” Glancing at Marlena, he said, “Are you going to be in Gertie’s room?”

She looked uncomfortably at Isabella, before she replied to John, saying, “I am…at least until visiting hours are over.”

John nodded at he once, “I’ll be back. I’d like Brady to meet his sister.”

“I’s gotta sister?” Brady said in shock. “You never told me that!” John laughed softly =, and Marlena smiled. 

Isabella started getting nervous. She had to get him away from Marlena, “John, really…I’d rather we discuss this with him at home—”

“—no. He has a sister,” John said. “There is nothing to discuss. I know you’re unhappy, and we can talk about that when I get home, but I’ve missed two years, Isabella. So has Brady.”

Isabella shot a look of pure loathing at Marlena when John turned his back, and said, “Doc, we’ll be back soon.”

Marlena said softly, placing her hand on his arm to stop him, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me…expect it…okay?” he said before walking away.

Isabella stared at her husbands retreating back, and she hissed at Marlena, “I fucking hate you.”

Marlena had studied Isabella while they were in the elevator, and during her conversation with John. She was nervous. Very nervous, and that let Marlena to believe that Isabella knew more than she was letting on. Barely able to be civil, Marlena replied, “Well, at least we agree on something. The feeling is mutual.” Turning on her heel, Marlena walked away, toward her daughters hospital room, refusing to allow John’s domestic issues to interfere with her time with Gertie.

Chapter 18

John arrived at the Kiriakis mansion in time for dinner. He was just helping Brady out of his coat, when Isabella came around the corner, and said quietly, “I wasn’t sure you’d bother coming home for dinner.”

John glanced at Brady, and said to her quietly, “Don’t do that. Not in front of Brady.”

She shrugged carelessly. “When exactly would you like me to express my displeasure, John? I’ve barely seen you since you came to Salem,” she said.

Brady looked at Isabella with excitement, and said loudly, “Did you know I have a sister, Mommy?”

Isabella smiled at her son, the smile never fully reaching her eyes, “Yes.”

“Well, she’s a girl, and I thought, I might not a like a girl, but guess what? She likes Blues Clues! She can’t talk much, ‘cause she’s still little, and when she does talk it sounds funny,” Brady told Isabella. “Doesn’t she, Daddy? Gertie sounds funny when she talks, right?”

“She’s very young yet,” John said. “She’ll talk more clearly when she’s older.”

Brady laughed, “Mommy, she says Boos Coos, ‘cause she can’t say Blues Clues! And guess what? She likes bugs! A girl that likes bugs!”

Isabella was having a hard time keeping her anger and jealousy contained, so she told her son, “Hey, Brady? Can you go check with the cook or Janet, and find out what’s for dinner?”

“Okay!” Brady said, excited to be given a job and feel important.

John watched him run off in the direction of the kitchen, and said to Isabella, “I am not going to argue with you.”

“I’m not trying to argue,” Isabella said. “But you need to remember that I am your wife. We are both Brady’s parents, and I feel like we need to have a conversation. About Gertie, about her illness, and about Brady’s involvement with them. I should be part of the conversation, John!”

Running his fingers through his hair roughly, John said, “What kind of conversation?”

“I’m not sure I want Brady spending a lot of time with Gertie, not if that means he’s also spending time with Marlena,” Isabella said. “John, you cheated on me. She knew you were married, now our lives are forever changed. Who in their right mind would be okay with their child spending time with their husbands mistress?”

He knew she was right. It made sense intellectually, but in his heart, Marlena was not a mistress. She was his best friend. He knew why Isabella was insecure. He had been unfaithful, and of course, that made her doubt every decision he made in regards to Marlena and Gertie. Sighing he said, “Isabella, it was one time. Once. I know, I have to earn your trust back. I know that.”

She said nothing for a moment, and then she whispered, “Once? Or one night?”

John looked at her, unwilling to lie, and he said, “One night.”

“That’s what I thought,” she replied. “I’m not comfortable with Brady spending family time with Marlena.”

“Does that include Sami? Caroline? Shawn?” John said. “I’m not going to be able to keep the two separate, Isabella. Gertie is my daughter, and Marlena will always be in my life because of that.”

“That doesn’t mean I want her in Brady’s life!” Isabella said with frustration. “He doesn’t have to spend all of his free time with his new sister! The child that’s only here because you cheated on me! Not to mention, if he gets too attached, how is that going to affect him when we go back to San Diego?”

John was silent. Too silent. Isabella watched him sigh, and then he said, “I don’t plan on returning to San Diego. I’m going to move the office here. To Salem.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena stared at the ceiling in her bedroom. Caroline offered to sit with Gertie at the hospital, so Marlena could get a full nights sleep. Her mind kept drifting to her earlier conversation with John, his words echoing in her mind, “I thought…I kept thinking I needed to let you go. I thought my mind was conjuring fantasies of the life I wanted, to torture me…”. He seemed so sure, so absolutely certain that he had been dreaming of Gertie for the past two years. He’d called her, munchkin. Marlena heard his voice again, “…fantasies of the life I wanted…”. Did he want a life with her? Rolling over she tried to think about something else. He was married to Isabella. That wasn’t something she could change.

Marlena’s mind quickly said, “Isn’t it?” and she shoved it down. She wasn’t that type of person. She wasn’t going to break up Brady’s family, not if John was actively working to repair that relationship with Isabella. Remembering the day before in the bathroom, Marlena moaned low. His lips on her neck, and his tongue on her skin. Marlena knew, without a doubt, that if she allowed him to, he would make love to her again. He wouldn’t be able to stop himself. If she seduced him, he would make love to her again. There was a sense of satisfaction in that knowledge. Maybe, if she was a different type of person, she would consider it, but John had made vows, and she wasn’t going to tempt him. 

She closed her eyes, and within mere moments, she was somewhere else.

“Why are we here again?” Marlena asked John, staring out over the cityscape of San Diego.

“I enjoy spending time with you, Doc,” John said softly, sliding his large hands around her hips, and pulling her  form back against his chest. His breath brushed over the shell of her ear, “You know that.”

Her head fell backwards, landing on his shoulder, and she sighed, “I love you.”

One of John’s hands wrapped gently around her neck, and he tipped her face to his, kissing her, long and slow. He murmured, “I wish, I could kiss you like this all the time.”

Marlena was confused, staring into his eyes with naked desire, “Why can’t you?”

He thought of Isabella, and she saw his indecision, he ran his fingers lightly along her jaw, and whispered,“Isabella.”

“You can only kiss me in your office?”

“Maybe?” he replied feeling his own sense of confusion. “I can’t decide if this is real…or if this is a dream.”

“It’s a dream,” she sighed, kissing his mouth softly. “It’s a dream, and I don’t want it to ever end.”

He licked along the seam of her lips, “It’s a dream?”

Turning in his arms, she started pulling on his necktie, trying to remove it, “I’m not used to seeing you like this, you know in neckties and business suits. I think I could get used to it. It’s sexy.” Slipping the tie from the collar of his shirt, she whispered, “I like imagining what’s underneath.”

Groaning, he reached for her hands where they rested on the buttons of his shirt, “What are you doing?”

She was breathing deeper, and her eyes were dilated with arousal. She replied, “Whatever I want to, John. This is a dream. It’s not real. I’ve never seen your office.”

He sighed deeply, relaxing. If this was a dream, he wasn’t cheating on his wife again, because this wasn’t happening. He released his grip on her wrists, and watched her fingers resume their path down the front of his shirt. Tugging it from his pants, Marlena pushed it roughly from his shoulders, while John rasped out, “Are you in charge tonight, Marlena?”

She paused, her breath hitching as her core clenched, “I’ve never…hmmm, I’ve never been in charge.”

“Would you like to be? Would you like to be the one calling the shots?” he asked her.

Her fingers opened his slacks, and she slid her hands inside, smoothing them over his ass. Panting softly, she gasped, “Oh, G-d, yes…”

“What do you want?”

“You…naked,” she whispered, kissing his chest. “On your desk.”

His cock twitched violently, as he imagined himself naked on his desk, spread out before her like a sexual offering, “I’ll do whatever you want.”

It didn’t take long to push the items on John’s desk to one side. The sight of his naked form, with his long legs open wide and dangling off the end, had Marlena’s mouth watering. His cock was erect, bobbing against him. She stepped forward, asking him, “Would you like me to take my clothes off, too?”

“Not yet,” he rasped, staring at her with blatant lust. “But can you…open your shirt? I want to see your breasts, baby. I want to feel them on my skin.”

Marlena pulled her blouse from the waistband of her skirt, slowly unbuttoning it, while staring into John’s eyes. His cock throbbed and bobbed, the tip weeping for her. Spreading her shirt open, John moaned when he realized she had no bra on. Her breasts were bared for his eyes, soft, and covered with freckles. He wanted to worship them. He wanted to bite the soft flesh, and roll her turgid nipple against his teeth. He hissed loudly, when Marlena stepped between his open thighs, and raked her fingernails over the skin. She leaned forward, whispering, “Do you like that, John?”

“Fuck, yes,” he whispered. She did it again, and John could feel the wetness from his dick, sliding across his abdomen. He said roughly, “Doc…”

Her index finger trailed through his arousal, as it puddled underneath his cock,  “Somebody is making a mess.”

His hips bucked up, and he cried out, “Fuck!” Her dirty words, the implication behind them, he wasn’t sure letting her be in charge was something he could continue, when his driving instincts wanted him to flip her around, and forge his cock deep inside her.

“John,” she whispered, licking the wetness off of his belly. “Be a good boy, and stay still. I’ll take care of you.”

Good boy? His mind created filthy images. Marlena in charge was a mind fuck, and he needed more. “Fuck, Doc, I’m so hard it hurts. Please!” he begged, closing his eyes tightly, and trying to calm his body. “Please!”

Her mouth engulfed him, and he roared, his hips thrusting deep into her mouth. Marlena pulled off of him, her eyes teary, and she scraped her nails over his stomach roughly.“Don’t do that,” she said firmly, wrapping her fist around the base of his cock. “Be good.”

“Shit. Shit. Shit….I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry,” he groaned. “Please, baby…please. Put your mouth on me.”

Her lips covered his length, and she swirled her tongue around the head. She loved the taste of him, the smell of his skin. She loved watching him loose control, and she reveled in the knowledge that she was the one driving him to madness. Pulling her mouth off of him with a short pop, Marlena licked over his skin, moving towards his chest. The feel of her breasts across his thighs, had him bucking towards her again. He rasped roughly, “Take them off. Take the clothes off and climb up here…I’m not going to last…”

Marlena stood before him, moments later, completely naked, except for her blouse. He was entranced, trying to memorized every curve of her body. She stepped forward, “You haven’t behaved very well, John…making messes, shoving your cock in my mouth…I don’t know…”

“I’ll—I’ll be good…” he said playing along with her game. “I’ll be so good.”

She trailed her fingertip around his nipples with a featherlight touch, “Are you going to make me feel good?”

“I hope so. C’mere, Doc. C’mere, and let me inside you,” he begged.

She climbed over his body like a predator, sliding her wet, swollen pussy along his length, drenching him in her arousal. “I want you,” she whispered against his lips, while dragging her breasts across his chest. “I love you.”

He couldn’t form a coherent thought. “I love you. G-d! I love you…Inside…fuck, please, Marlena! Inside you,” he cried out, arching his back, and digging his fingers into her thighs as she straddled him.

She rose up on her knees, staring down at him. She could feel his cock throbbing against her clit, and she whispered, “You’re about to make me feel very good, aren’t you, John?” Leaning over him, she licked across his nipples, blowing on them softly, and whispered, “You’re going to be a very good boy.”

He couldn’t take anymore of her teasing, he roared, gripping her hips tightly, and pushed up into her welcoming folds. The relief was immediate, and he gasped,“I’ll be anything you want! Anything you want me to be! Fuck! You feel so good!” Releasing her hips, John twisted his hands into the fabric of her shirt, pulling her forward, biting her jaw, and growling with pent up desire.

Marlena gave up. She let him take over. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she licked and bit along his shoulder, panting and gasping as he pushed into her soft body. She was lost, and when he pulled out of her, flipping her onto her back, and dragging her to the edge of his desk, she almost came before he re-entered her body.

Shoving back inside her, John’s hands cupped her ass, lifting her to him, and he continued to drive into her. Marlena’s fingernails found purchase in his forearms, and she screamed in ecstasy when her pussy began to clench, and roll along his length. Throwing her head back, it hit the desk, and she cried, “Oh, fuck! Yes!”

Marlena’s eyes flew open, and she squeezed her legs together tightly, as her pussy continued contracting and rolling in orgasm. Across town, Isabella woke, to hear John roar, “Doc!Oh, G-d, Doc!” in his sleep.

Chapter 19

John had gotten a message from Marlena, following an explosive argument with Isabella. Isabella’s continued attempts to keep him and Brady away from Marlena and Gertie were grating on him. He’d taken vows before G-d to be a husband to her. He’d promised they would raise Brady together, but it was becoming more difficult. It had started years ago, when Isabella lied and had messages from Marlena withheld from him. Just after Isabella stormed from his room, slamming the door behind her, he heard a knock. “Some in,” John said, feeling defeated. 

“Mr. Black,” Janet said, entering the room cautiously. “Dr. Evans called…while you were…speaking with Mrs. Black. Your daughter was released from the hospital, and Dr. Evans will be taking her home this morning.”

John sighed, running his fingers through his hair, and said softly, “Thank you, Janet. I’ll give her a call, or stop by her place.”

“Yes, Sir. Should I get Brady ready…to go with you?”

John was growing concerned about Isabella, and he worried that she was letting her anger and frustration with him, impact her interaction with Brady; however, Isabella was adamant that Brady not spend any time with Marlena. At what point did his worry become a founded concern? Victor’s house was cold and austere. No place to leave a four year old for the day, but Isabella would be livid if John brought him to Marlena’s. Finally, he said to Janet, “No…um, he can stay here today. I’ll be back later this afternoon.”

Nodding her head quickly, the maid left the room. She had heard some of Mr. Black’s argument with his wife, and she knew why he was leaving Brady at the house today. The boy would be sad, but she could talk to Isabella about buying some more toys or games.

John left the house deep in thought. He’d known about Gertie’s existence less than three full days, and already he was finding it difficult to manage his home life, and his desire to spend time with Marlena and Gertie. Truthfully, he’d been struggling for years. Since his encounter with Marlena he’d been dreaming of his daughter, and dreaming of Marlena, almost every night. He told himself, if Gertie wasn’t ill, if Marlena hadn’t felt so abandoned, maybe things would be different. It seemed plausible, but a small nagging voice in the bag of his mind told him, it didn’t matter what the circumstances were, he would be drawn to Marlena and his child. He’d always be drawn to Marlena.

Marlena opened the door to her apartment to see John standing there. She was immediately accosted by memories of her dream the night before. John’s body spread over a desk in front of her. His cock ready and waiting for her. She blushed deeply, and looked towards the kitchen, saying, “Oh! John…come in.” She stepped away from the door, and went to open the refrigerator, “Gertie didn’t sleep well at the hospital, so I was getting her some milk before I laid her down for a nap.”

Gertie had been standing in the middle of the floor looking listless, with her thumb in her mouth, and she finally plopped her little butt down, saying, “Not sweepy.”

“Come here, little munchkin, Daddy’s going to put you down for a nap,” John said scooping Gertie up into his arms. He kissed her dark curls, and smoothed his hand over her face, “I heard there’s a book about a hungry caterpillar that you love to read?”

“Wike that book,” Gertie said with a yawn, laying her head on John. “Wil-wy wike that book, Da-da.”

“I think I did hear that somewhere,” John murmured, reaching for the sip cup Marlena handed him. He stared at her for a moment, his fingers brushing hers softly, and turned, walking Gertie into her bedroom.

Sami came out of her bedroom a few minutes later, looking around, “Where’s Gertie?”

“John’s putting her down for a nap,” Marlena said, still thinking of her dream the night before. She was going to struggle all day in close proximity to John. She kept seeing his face, etched in desperation, his hands reaching for her. She could still feel his hands on her skin, but it was a dream. She couldn’t feel those things, and yet, she did.

Sami noted her mother’s blushed cheeks, and said, “I’m not trying to embarrass you, but it’s getting really hard to sleep around here.”

Marlena’s eyes darted over to her daughter, “What?”

“It’s just…um, well, your dreams have been very loud lately,” Sami mumbled. “Like…very loud.”

“Samantha Gene!” Marlena exclaimed, embarrassed and understanding exactly what Sami wasn’t saying.

Marlena looked towards Gertie’s room, and hissed, “We can discuss this later, if you insist, but not with…not with John here. Please!”

Sami laughed, and then said softly, “I wish you and Daddy could be together.”

“Sami, honey…he has…he has Isabella,” Marlena said quietly, coming over to the couch, and sitting down. She tucked her feet underneath her, “I wish…well, it doesn’t matter, does it?”

“It does matter, Mom. Maybe Dad feels the same way. Maybe he wants to be with us?”

“John has a family. I can’t be the reason his marriage doesn’t make it.”

Sami shrugged, “Whether it happens now or later, I think it will happen. I’ve seen you two. It’s inevitable.”

Inevitable. Marlena felt like that word held so much significance in terms of her, and her relationship with John. Hadn’t he said something similar to her in San Francisco?

“This place is getting too small for us,” Sami said, sitting across from Marlena on the couch, while staring at the corner of the room that held Gertie’s childlike chaos.

“John said something similar the other day,” Marlena murmured. “But Gertie’s still small, and I don’t have enough money for a down payment on a house yet. Don’t worry, Sami. We’ll make it work for a little longer.”

“You could have him look at that Queen Anne you’ve been eyeballing over in the River District,” Sami said conspiratorially.

“Sami, no! John is not buying us a house. Absolutely not,” Marlena said. “We should be able to find something more affordable. That place is just a pipe dream. A pretty place to look at and imagine, but no. The whole house was recently renovated, and what would I do with that kitchen anyway?”

“Learn to cook,” Sami mumbled with a slight laugh. Marlena gave Sami a look that told her to knock it off. Sami sat quietly for a moment, and then said, “The house…it was just a thought.” She sighed, remembering the day they had first seen the place. She and her mother had taken Gertie on a walk, and been immediately enamored with the house. Gertie called it the ‘pwinswess house’. With its turrets and wraparound porch, it did look grand from the eyes of a two year old. Sami sighed again. The house was huge, harboring at least five bedrooms within its walls. Her mother was right, they didn’t need something that large. 

Marlena stood up, saying, “John and I have an appointment with Dr. Welch, so I’m going to get changed.”

Sami watched Marlena enter her bedroom, and close the door behind her with a soft snick, and she mumbled to herself, “I bet it happens before dinner.”

“What happens before dinner?” John asked from behind her.

Sami jumped, “For G-d’s sake, Dad! Warn a girl!”

“Sorry,” he said with a laugh. “What’s going to happen before dinner?”

“Mom’s going to go into her bedroom, which she just did, think about what the two of you may, or may not, have going on between you emotionally, have a mini existential crisis, and then put emotional distance between the two of you,” Sami said without even taking a breath. Her mother had been having some embarrassingly loud dreams. “I can feel it coming.”

John stared at her blankly, and then turned to stare at Marlena’s closed bedroom door, with a worried look, “You think so?”

“I know so,” Sami said. “She’s been acting weird all morning.”

John was quiet for a moment, remembering his promise to Marlena. If she pushed him away, he could handle that. He could. It didn’t mean he’d leave Salem. It didn’t mean he’d walk away again. Looking at Sami he said, “Your mom and I have an appointment with Dr. Welch soon.”

“She’s getting dressed now,” she said.

“Sami,” John said softly. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I’m not sure I do, yet, but…I want to. I want to trust you. Carrie does too. The jury is still out on Eric.”

“Eric is still angry?”

“Eric’s confused, that’s all. He’s got a lot rattling around in his little boy brain. He’ll get it sorted out soon enough,” Sami said.

“I heard you mention a house?” John said with a smirk.

“A house?” Sami asked, realizing that John had overheard her conversation with her mother.

“Tomorrow, Peanut, you and I have a house in the River District to go look at,” John said.

Sami smiled at him conspiratorially,  “We do, huh?”

Marlena came out of the bedroom, and John scanned over her body, feeling a tremble inside him. His eyes reached Marlena’s and she blushed, looking away. He stood up with Gertie’s sip cup still in his hand. Walking over to the sink, he attempted to open it, but it was screwed on so tightly that when the lid released, milk sloshed onto the floor. John placed it in the sink, sighing, and reached for a paper towel.

Marlena laughed, crouching down in front of John, with a towel in her hand, as he wiped at the floor with soggy paper towels. She murmured softly, “Somebody is making a mess.”

John’s hand stilled, and his abdomen clenched. In his dream, Marlena had said that, although under completely different context. He looked up at her quickly, staring into her eyes, and his breath hitched. Somebody is making a mess, John thought to himself, surprised that one phrase should have his cock reacting so quickly.

John’s eyes were wide with arousal, and Marlena was immediately reminded of her dream from the night before. She’d said to John, Somebody is making a mess. Her core clenched, and she stared at him. What was going on? She couldn’t stop herself from saying what slipped from her mouth next, “Clumsy boys have to clean up after themselves.”

John nearly choked on the air he inhaled. The sexual tension was suffocating him in the most pleasurable way, “What?” Marlena’s eyes were bright. She was teasing him, but his muscles clenched again, and his cock was half-hard already. She started to stand up from where they crouched together in the kitchen, and John reached for her arm, whispering in a husky voice, “I’ll be good, Doc. I’ll be so good.”

His face flashed in her mind. Him begging to fuck her, and she whispered, “What?”

Their reverie was interrupted by Sami. “Hey! You two!” Sami called from the couch. “How long does it take to clean up spilled milk?”

John released Marlena’s wrist quickly, almost as if her skin burned his fingertips. Her reaction was interesting, and even as his heart said, he hadn’t been dreaming alone last night, his mind told him that what he was considering was impossible. And, yet, he’d dreamed of Gertie for two years before he ever saw her face. Was a dream in tandem with Marlena really impossible?

Chapter 20

John stood on Pier 29 watching the waves of the river hit the pilings as a barge went by. He hadn’t realized how much he missed the smell of the river, and the sounds of the buoys, until he stood there soaking it all in. He and Sami had gone to look at the house for sale in the River District three days earlier, and John had offered to buy the place out right. He hadn’t told Marlena yet, because he had a feeling she was going to be angry that she wasn’t included in the decision; however including her, would have meant hours of Marlena trying to convince him that the house cost too much. The look on Sami’s face when John had told the realtor that the house was perfect, that look was everything. If he bought it for anything, it would be the look on Sami’s face.

Footsteps sounded on the wooden steps, and John looked over to see Eric approaching, “You’re a hard guy to track down.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to be tracked down,” Eric said. “But Grandma said, if I didn’t meet with you and ‘sort out my problems’ then she would be ‘very disappointed’.”

“Sami said you were upset with me, although she didn’t give me specifics,” John said. “I’m pretty sure I know why, but I’m willing to listen…I don’t have any excuses, Eric.”

Eric looked at the man he considered to be his father, and a feeling of loss washed over him. “You left us,” Eric said. “Roman came back, and the ISA said he was Roman Brady, but you—you still continued to argue that you were Roman. Sami and I, Carrie too, we depended on you. You were our Dad. You said you were our Dad. We believed you were going to fight for us, and after everyone came back from Mexico…you left. You left us, and you didn’t even say goodbye. Do you know what that does to a kid?”

“I’m sorry,” John said softly. “I shouldn’t have done that. I—“

“—Sami said I should let you explain. I should let you tell me what was going on, and that maybe we don’t know everything…”

“I—” John sat on a nearby bench, running his hands through his hair. “Eric, I was so broken. I felt like I had lost everything, and if I stayed in Salem, I felt like I would be reminded of that loss every day…so I ran. I was a coward, and I ran from my pain. It was wrong. I know that now. Hell, I think on some level, I knew that then. At the time, I think Isabella was wanting a fresh start, and she was pregnant, and Roman…Roman was awful. He took everything.”

“But he didn’t take us! We still loved you! You were our Dad, and you left us!” Eric yelled. “You left us with Roman! He changed everything! The rules were different, he worked constantly, Mom cried all the time, and tried to hide it from us…then she was—she was taken by Stella, and when she came back…” Eric sat down beside John, and said softly, “When you left, we were forced to try, and make it work with a mother we barely knew, and a father who was angry, and critical of everything. But we tried, we tried to adjust, but after after Mom was kidnapped, we couldn’t do it anymore. So, Sami and I went to Colorado. The thing that gets me, though, the thing that makes me so angry, is that even after you left us, the two of you still had an affair, and tore it all to hell anyway!”

John thought about what Eric was saying, and he was right. John had left, given it all up, only to have an affair with Marlena, which ultimately destroyed whatever precarious family they had created. He should have stayed and fought for them. He should have followed his heart. Looking at Eric, with tear filled eyes, John said, “You’re right. I should have stayed. I should have fought for you, and I was so convinced I’d lost everything that I walked away. I didn’t trust in your mothers love, and I didn’t trust in your love…I’m sorry, Eric. I’m so sorry.”

Eric stared at John. He was so used to people who had excuses for everything. Having someone genuinely regret something, and apologize for it, was surprising to him. Looking at John, he said quietly, “I still love you. You’re still my Dad.”

John scooted closer to Eric on the bench, and reached for him, pulling him into a massive hug, and whispering with a broken voice, “You will always be my son. I love you, too.”

Eric’s arms wrapped around John’s waist, and his face buried in his neck, while he cried. Eric cried for the family he’d lost, he cried for Gertie, and he cried for what he hoped he might one day have…his family whole again. John and Eric were so caught up in their reconciliation, that they didn’t hear the footsteps on the stairs.

“Well, isn’t this an endearing moment. My son and the Brady imposter, together again,” Roman said with venom. Eric pulled back from John wiping his face quickly. Roman noticed immediately, “I thought I told you that men don’t cry.” Eric simply stared at Roman blankly, and Roman continued, turning to John, “I heard from Pop you were back in town.”

“I am.”

“How long you staying this time?”

“I’m not leaving,” John replied, noticing a quick flash of anger in Roman’s eyes.

“There’s nothing for you here. The Brady’s aren’t your family. Sami and Eric aren’t your children,” Roman told him. “So you can crawl back to California.”

“Like I said, I’m staying,” John said. “I’ve got some things to make up for, and my daughter needs me.” Roman’s eyes flashed with anger again. John could tell he was forcing himself to hold back comments that might be particularly acerbic. 

“Your daughter? The one you got my wife pregnant with?”

“She’s no longer your wife,” John said, standing up from the bench in anger.

“Because of you,” Roman said bitterly. “You think I’m going to stay married to a slut, and raise someone else’s bastard?” 

Eric saw the rage lining John’s face, and he leaned over to him, “Dad, can we go?”

John continued to stare at Roman for a moment. He wanted to beat him senseless. He wanted to slam his fist into Roman’s face so hard, he’d see stars until next week. Instead he looked at Eric, and said, “Yeah, Eric, we can go.”

John turned to leave, and he heard Eric pause, saying to Roman, “I don’t care how you feel about Mom, or how you feel about John, but don’t ever, ever call Gertie a bastard.”

“That’s just plain talk, Eric. I call it like it is,” Roman said.

Roman didn’t have time to think, or react, when John’s fist slammed into his face. He felt it through his whole body, as he hit the aged wood of the pier. Staring up at John in shock, Roman said, “You just assaulted a police officer.”

“File a report,” John said. “Have me arrested.” Turning to Eric, John said, “Let’s go. We’ve got to meet Doc, and Sami at the hospital.” Eric followed John up the stairs, while Roman heaved himself off of the pier.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Welch looked over the test results, and she said softly, “None of you were matches for Gertie. Our next step would be the bone marrow registry, and trying to find an outside donor.”

Sami felt herself starting to panic, “No! No, there’s got to be something else.”

“I know of a specialist who works in stem cell research. Marlena, we spoke about her last week. Her name is Dr. Megan Liu. We could try to reach out to her,” Dr. Welch said.

“I’ll cover whatever costs are necessary,” John said. “If Gertie’s going to have to undergo chemotherapy, I know the chances are better with a bone marrow transplant.”

“They are,” Dr. Welch said. “Another option, and forgive me for suggesting this, I don’t mean to offend…a full sibling has a 25% chance of being a match.”

“25%!” Sami said. “So a 75% chance of not being a match?”

“25% is much higher than finding a compatible donor outside of the family. I know it sounds like losing odds, but it may be your best chance,” Dr. Welch said looking at Marlena.

Marlena was in shock. She had considered it briefly, but she didn’t want to say anything so soon. Grace had laid it all on the table. Marlena looked at John, and then said to Grace, “John and I…we would need to discuss that.” Another child with John would completely upend his life, and his marriage. It wasn’t something they could decide in Dr. Welch’s office surround by Sami and Eric.

“Another thing you should know, Marlena, if you were able to get pregnant, Dr. Liu has been pioneering a process that can filter stem cells from the blood of pregnant women. If the baby is compatible, the baby’s stem cells would be present in your blood during pregnancy. They could potentially be filtered out, and harvested.”

John was in shock. Another baby to save Gertie? It was a gamble, and he had no doubt that the child would be loved, but the ethics of having a child to save another was questionable. Trying to explain it to Isabella could potentially end his marriage. Looking at Marlena, John thought he’d be willing to have ten more babies with her, if he could. Simply because he loved her, he would have more babies with her. “Doc’s right, we can discuss it, but I’m not averse to the idea,” John said.

Marlena looked at John quickly, and said in a flustered way, “John! I—we—not right now!”

“Well, no, we’re not going to talk about it right now,” he said quickly.

Marlena continued to stare at him, while she felt her own body reacting to the thought of intentionally trying to get pregnant. Feeling her cheeks begin to blush, she said softly, “We can—we can talk about it later.”

“Would you like me to reach out to Dr. Liu?” Grace asked them.

“Yes,” Marlena said softly. “If she’s the best in stem cell research, and she could save our daughter’s life, then absolutely. Please reach out to her for us, Grace.”

“If—if Mom and Dad do decide to have another baby, how soon can they find out if the baby is a match?” Sami asked.

“That would be a question for Dr. Liu, if we can get her onboard,” Dr. Welch said. “Either way, whether we find a match or not, Gertie will have to undergo chemotherapy, and chemotherapy is a long drawn out process. She’ll be ill after therapy sessions, she’s going to need extra care, and eventually, depending on the state of her immune system, she may need to be hospitalized.” Marlena started to cry softly, and Grace continued softly, “Gertie has an amazing mother, who recognized the signs very early. Marlena, you were able to figure this out months before someone else might have. I know you’re scared, but we caught this very early.”

“I know. I know. I know,” Marlena said, wiping at her face. “I just don’t know what I would do—I don’t know how I could—I can’t lose her!”

John looks at Eric, and Sami and turning to Marlena, he said, “Hey, Doc. We’re going to get Gertie through this. As a family, we’re going to figure this out.”

“You can’t promise me that!” she said with a sob.

“You’re right. You’re right, Doc, but I can promise you, that we will do everything medically possible to get Gertie through this,” John told her, crouching down in front of her chair. “I can promise you that. Anything our daughter needs, anything at all, and I will make sure she gets it.”

  Through hazy, tear filled eyes, Marlena saw the truth of what he’d said. He wasn’t going to leave them this time. He’d promised to stay, and get them through this, and she knew he would. Touching his face softly, she whispered, “Thank you.”

Chapter 21

February 1996

Christmas and New Years had passed with John juggling two sides of his life. On one side was Marlena, Sami, Eric, Carrie, and Gertie and on the other was Isabella, Victor, and Brady. His days were spent in meetings with doctors, and spending time with the daughter he’d never known, his evenings were spent with his wife, and his son. Isabella wouldn’t let him forget that he’d been unfaithful. It was a near constant barrage of snarky comments. John felt that he was trying, more often than not, to shield Brady from her hostility laden dialogue. 

John had left Brady crying at the door just that morning, begging to go with him. It was becoming a very murky line between protecting his son and honoring his wedding vows. He had already gotten into a huge argument with Isabella about enrolling Brady in a pre-kindergarten program. She had insisted on having a private tutor to prepare Brady for school, while John argued that socialization was necessary. His mentioning Sami and Eric, and what they’d gotten from a pre-kindergarten program, made Isabella even more angry. It was as if she wanted to pretend that those years of his life had never taken place.

He stood at Marlena’s door, already unsettled, trying to grapple with his life. He’d finally settled on an office space in Salem, and he had Barbara closing everything down in San Diego, although he would need to go back one more time to finalize everything. Isabella had movers packing up their home, and was planning to have everything shipped to Salem. John had instructed Barbara that his personal office would be touched by no one, but himself. Sighing deeply, John knocked on the door.

Marlena answered it, slightly disheveled, and with a swollen tear streaked face. John stepped inside closing the door behind him quickly, and pulled her into his arms, where she sobbed against him. He had no idea what was wrong with her. He simply held her close, and gently ran his hand over her back until she might be calm enough to explain it to him. 

Marlena wrapped her arms around John’s neck, and she cried, soaking the collar of his shirt. She had to tell him, but she didn’t know how. Pulling back slightly, John held her face in his hands, and stared into her eyes, “Talk to me, Doc.”

“Grace called. Gertie’s leukemia is progressing…it’s progressing quickly,” Marlena said on another sob. “She’s going to need to start chemo, but we don’t have a bone marrow donor—”

“—When do we meet with Dr. Liu?” he asked her.

“Tomorrow,” Marlena whispered.

“She can filter stem cells, right? If you were pregnant?”

“John, we need to talk about this,” Marlena said pulling away from him. “You’re—you’re married…Isabella, she’s already hurt and upset—”

“—Doc, I’ll figure it out with Isabella, but if we have a chance to save our daughter, and if this is the only possibility…we have to do it,” John said. “We can’t refuse to do something that could potentially save our daughters life.”

Marlena hadn’t wanted to pressure him. She didn’t want to demand that he have another child with her, but his reassurance caused her to start crying anew, in relief. “John! Oh, G-d! Thank you! I can’t lose Gertie. I can’t!”

“Doc, Baby…we—we’ll figure this out. Another baby with you, I probably want that more than I should,” he said resting his forehead on hers. “We’ll meet with Dr. Liu tomorrow, and then I’ll—I’ll discuss it with Isabella.”

“Isabella…she might not be okay with this, John…John, she’s not going to be okay with you and I having another child on a possibility that it might be a match for Gertie,” Marlena cried, tears rolling down her face again. “Oh, G-d!”

“Honey…Doc, please, don’t cry. Don’t cry,” John begged her helplessly, finding his fingers tangled in her golden hair. He took a deep breath inhaling her scent, and buried his face in her hair.

“John…Gertie…I can’t lose her! She’s all I’ve got,” Marlena said, falling against him again.

“No. You’ve got Sami and —”

“—she’s all I’ve got of you!” Marlena sobbed. “I can’t lose the only piece of you that I have. I love her so much!” She knew, she sounded irrational, but she wasn’t feeling rational. She was feeling lost, desperate, and afraid. Looking up at John with wide eyes, Marlena whispered, “I can’t lose her.”

“You won’t, Doc. We won’t…”

“Stop!” Marlena shouted, pushing away from him roughly. “Stop it! You can’t promise that! I lost you…all I ever do is lose you! You can’t promise me that our daughter will make it through this. You can’t! And having another child? John, Isabella hates me! She hates me, and she probably hates Gertie! She’s not going to simply accept you possibly having another child with me, to save the child you had from an affair. Please, don’t be that naive.”

John stood there for a moment in silence, thinking over everything Marlena had just said, and he replied, “It doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter?”

“We doing this. We’re going to have another child, because it’s our only hope…what Isabella wants in this situation, it doesn’t matter,” he said softly. He stepped closer to her, so close he could see the flecks of brown and gold in her eyes, and he whispered, “It simply doesn’t matter.”

Marlena felt hopeful, and she lifted her face to his, “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“You could…this could end your marriage, John.”

“I—I’ll have to see what happens, but we’re not losing our daughter,” he said, wiping the tears from her face with his thumbs.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Liu had come to Salem to meet with John and Marlena, as well as to review Gertie’s case. Finding funding for her research was difficult, especially considering that she was so young. It wasn’t often that people in the medical field took her seriously, and she didn’t hold out hope that this time would be any better, especially since the patient’s mother was a doctor herself. The case was fairly straightforward, but that wasn’t the issue. Dr. Liu felt like the bigger issue would be: her method for filtering the mother’s blood, for the stem cells from an unborn baby, was still in the testing phase, and not likely to get much further, without funding. That was how she found herself waiting in a hospital conference room with Dr. Welch.

John and Marlena had gotten a late start that morning. Brady hadn’t been feeling well, and had been more weepy than usual as John left the house. Isabella followed him around making comments about him leaving his son when he was ill and taking better care of his other family. All of this in front of Brady. 

Marlena hadn’t slept well at all, her sleep came intermittently, and interspersed with nightmares. Dreams about losing Gertie, and dreams about leaving John that morning in San Francisco. 

When they entered the conference room, the first thing that struck Marlena was was Dr. Liu’s size, and her obvious age. She was tiny, barely five feet tall, and she looked no more than fifteen, although to be a doctor, Marlena knew she had to be at least twenty five. Her long black hair hung in a braid over her shoulder. Marlena liked the fact that she was quick to make, and keep eye contact, and John appreciated the firm handshake, even if her hand was the size of a child’s.

Marlena settled into her chair, with a sleeping Gertie straddling her lap. The little girl’s face was lying on her chest, and her thumb was firmly placed in her mouth as she slept. Sami sat on one side of her, John on the other, and Marlena felt at peace. They knew she was going to need their strength in this appointment, so they’d sandwiched her in. 

Marlena was overwhelmed. Up to this point Gertie had been relatively healthy, but she knew that once chemo started, and Gertie’s immune system became compromised, everything was going to change. She and John had already discussed a private nurse, but Marlena knew her apartment didn’t have the space they were going to need for Gertie’s medical needs. This meeting made everything that much more real, and so, Marlena took a deep breath, and settled in for the duration.

Dr. Liu was very direct, “I wanted to start by saying, I may look young, and inexperienced, but I’m not. I have developed a process for filtering the stem cells of an unborn child from the mother’s blood, but it is still in the research phase. The reason for that is funding. Plain and simple.” She looked around the table, and continued, “The process works, but in order to get approval for further research I need—”

“—money, and proof that it could work,” Marlena whispered.

“Oh, it works, Dr. Evans, I can promise you that, but are you pregnant?” Dr. Liu asked her bluntly. “Because if you aren’t, or if you have no plans to be, I can’t help you at all.”

Marlena was caught off guard, “I, um—”

“—they could be if they wanted to be. Probably pretty quickly, too,” Sami said with a laugh. “They accidentally got pregnant with Gertie in one night, and they hadn’t had sex for five years!”

“Samantha Gene!” John said, blushing deeply. “Stop talking!”

Sami continued to laugh, while Marlena, with a blush in her cheeks, said, “John and I have discussed having another child…for Gertie.”

“When was the first day of your last period?” Dr. Liu asked, with her pen poised over her notepad.

John took Gertie from Marlena’s lap, cradling the sleeping girl against him, and he watched as Marlena started digging through her purse to pull out a small card, “Um, let me see, thing’s have been so hectic and stressful lately…About a week and a half ago…”

“Do you have 28 day cycles?”

“Yes, they are fairly average.”

“Which means ovulation should occur within a couple days,” Dr. Liu said clinically. “Did you plan on trying right away?”

Marlena’s mouth fell open, and she was momentarily at a loss for words, “John’s…John’s married. I was thinking about IVF as a possible method for conception.”

Dr. Liu said slowly, “IVF will take longer. There are steps to the process, so it could be several months—”

Sami couldn’t believe this, “—Just have sex! You did it before! We don’t have time to sit around trying to be proper about this!”

“Sami,” John said softly. “I need to discuss this with Isabella, and ultimately it’s going to be a decision your mother, and I make.”

“Dad! You already had an affair! That’s how we have Gertie. This isn’t a conversation anymore…she could die!” Sami yelled. “Why the fuck are you discussing it?”

Marlena started crying softly, wiping at her eyes. John wasn’t sure how to help her, or how to calm Sami down, but Sami was so angry she stormed out of the room. Sami was impulsive, and she was hot headed just like Roman; however, she was right. They didn’t have time to keep discussing this. If IVF could take months, they couldn’t wait for that either. John stared at the door Sami had just exited from, and he said to Dr. Liu, “You said, Marlena should ovulate in a few days?”

Dr. Liu wasn’t used to family drama, but she replied, “If her cycles are twenty-eight days, she should ovulate around the fourteenth day. There would be a three day window, so likely days 13-15 would be the most viable.”

“Is there away to know for sure?” he asked her.

Marlena whispered, “Basal body temperature.”

John stared at her for a moment, and said, “We’re going to do this, Doc. Okay?”

“What about Isabella?” Marlena asked him.

“I’ll deal with Isabella,” was his only response. He reached for Marlena’s hand, and he looked into her eyes, whispering, “I’ll talk to her tonight.”

“You’re willing to try?” Dr. Liu asked.

“Yes,” John interrupted. “Yes, we’re going to try,” he told Dr. Liu, as he softly touched Gertie’s sleeping head.

“The other issue is financial, and I hate to do this to you, but the testing for stem cell compatibility, and the process for filtering the blood, that isn’t covered by health insurance, because it’s still experimental,” Dr. Liu said slowly, because this is usually where people begged off, and she was left with no way to move forward.

“That’s not a problem,” John said. “I have money.”

“I try to keep costs as low as possible, Mr. Black, but you should know, given that the procedure is still in the research phase—”

“I don’t care,” he said softly. “I can pay for it.”

Marlena looked at him, with tears glistening in her eyes, and she said, “Thank you.”

“Doc, this is our daughter. Our baby girl,” John said. “Please don’t thank me. You should expect this. You should demand this.” 

“So, the first thing we’ll need to do is get a pregnancy test on you in a months time,” Dr. Liu said looking at Marlena. “I’d prefer we did a blood test, since those are more accurate, and if you have time right now, I have a few questions related to family history.”

Gertie started waking up, and glanced up at John with a smile, mumbling, “Dabby.”

“Hey there, munchkin,” John murmured softly. “You have a good nap?”

She shook her head, and glanced around the room, trying to figure out where she was, and then laid her head back on John’s chest, and placed her thumb in her mouth. Marlena smiled to herself. When Eric and Sami were born, she didn’t think she could ever love another child as much as she loved them, and then Gertie came along, and her heart was full, near to bursting, with love for her. She couldn’t imagine losing her. Losing DJ all those years ago was hard enough. She didn’t think she could survive it a second time. 

Looking at Dr. Liu, Marlena said, “Ok, family history…”

“Yes,” the doctor replied, pulling her notepad closer. “Do either of you have a family history of cancer?”

“I don’t,” Marlena said.

“I don’t think so,” John said.

“What about blood disorders or clotting issues?”

“No,” Marlena replied softly.

“Not sure,” John said.

“Okay, and…do either of you have a history of multiples in your families?”

“I have no idea,” John said sheepishly. 

“Yes, my grandmother was a twin, I was a twin…and Sami, my daughter had a twin brother,” Marlena said.

“Were any of those identical twins?”

“My grandmother, and myself  both had identical twins. My children Sami and Eric are fraternal,” Marlena said, remembering her childhood hijinks with her twin Samantha.

“What’s your blood type?” Dr. Liu asked Marlena.

“O+…John is O+, and Gertie is O-,” Marlena replied.

“Wait, how does that work?” John asked.

Marlena smiled, “That means my blood type is actually O+(-) and you are also O+(-), and Gertie inherited both of our recessive genes, and her blood type is O-. It’s simple biology.”

“That’s everything I need for now,” Dr. Liu said, gathering her papers together. “We can do a pregnancy test on Marlena in a month.”

“If it’s negative?” John said.

Dr. Liu looked him in the eyes, and she said, “You do everything you can to make it positive.”

“Is there anything that makes pregnancy more likely?” John asked. He was past embarrassment. He needed to know everything he could do to make this work.

Dr. Liu blushed slightly this time, “Orgasm. If the male ejaculates at the same time the female orgasms, or if she orgasms after the male ejaculates, the vaginal walls pull the semen up towards the cervix, and make pregnancy more likely. If the test is negative next month, we could try IVF, but if what your daughter said is correct…hopefully we won’t need that. When the test is positive, we wait a few weeks longer and find out if the baby is a match for Gertie. I don’t want to lie to you. The chances of a sibling match are still only around 25%, but if Marlena gets pregnant with another set of fraternal twins, it increases the odds.”

Dr. Welch and Dr. Liu stood up to leave, and John said softly, “Can I have a moment with Doc?”

“Sure,” Grace responded. “I’ll try and find Sami. I’ll let her know you need a few minutes.”

The door closed behind Grace and Dr. Liu, and Marlena broke down. John shifted Gertie’s sleeping form to his right side, and he reached for Marlena with his free hand, “Hey, Doc, don’t cry. This is going to work.”

“You think it’s going to be that easy? Do you think Isabella is going to be okay with you sleeping with me, again? John—”

“—it’s the only option, Doc. The only one,” he said softly. “Gertie’s cancer is progressing faster than we thought it was. Dr. Welch already told you that. We can’t wait.”

Marlena said, “John…it’s going to break my heart all over again. Feeling you touch me, you’re hands on my body…you’re lips on me…and then I’ll have to give you up all over again…”

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, pulling her close. “I’m sorry. Maybe…maybe it can be more clinical? I don’t have to kiss you…”

She thought about it for a moment, and she whispered, “No. No, if we’re going to do this…I want to  commit every moment to memory, because saying goodbye next time, well, that has to be the end of it.” She touches his face lightly, “After that…it will be back to dreaming of you.”

His breathing hitched, “You dream of me?”

Marlena smiled softly, “All the time. We meet in your office overlooking the city.”

“How do you know—”

“—I don’t,” she whispered. “But in my dreams…that’s where we meet.”

Chapter 22

Brady was asleep for the night when John found Isabella in the living room. While he had  reassured Marlena that he would handle everything with Isabella, he knew the conversation would go south as soon as he laid out the plan. That didn’t change his mind. He was determined to do whatever he could to save his daughter, and if he were being honest with himself, there were other thoughts bustling around in his mind. He wanted another chance to be with Marlena. Another chance to caress her soft curves, breath in her scent…and taste her. He wanted to taste her so badly. He also had a simmering anger towards Isabella. She had taken two years away from him. Two years with Gertie, and she owed him this chance to try and save his daughters life. But ultimately, the part of his mind that was roaring the loudest, was that he couldn’t lose the child he had only just begun to know. He couldn’t lose the little girl who loved Blue’s Clue’s, and bugs. He couldn’t lose the child who had started calling him, Dabby. He simply couldn’t.

“Isabella,” John said softly. “I needed to speak with you about Gertie.”

Her face immediately showed distaste, and she tried to school it into smoothness, when she said, “I don’t know why we’d need to discuss her.”

“Her cancer is progressing rapidly. More quickly than it should, and she’s going to need to start chemotherapy soon,” John told her, sitting on the couch and facing her. 

Isabella was angry. Anytime she had to think about Gertie, she was instantly angry. She saw images of her husband fucking Marlena in a hotel room, and she felt hatred toward them both. She felt hatred towards a child. “I don’t understand what this has to do with me,” she said in flat tones.

John watched his wife, as she started reading her magazine again, and he said, “None of us are bone marrow matches for her. She could go through chemotherapy, but her immune system would be destroyed, and there wouldn’t be any compatible stem cells to replace it with.”

Isabella looked up slowly, “What are you saying?”

“The best option right now, would be a full sibling,” John said. “A full sibling would have a 25% chance of being a match for Gertie.”

Isabella snorted in derision, “25%? You’re asking me…I mean, I assume you’re asking me, if you can have another child with your ex-wife on a 25% chance that the child might be a match for Gertie?”

“Isabella, I can’t stand by, and let her die.”

“You don’t know that she would die. You don’t even know if another child would save her!” Isabella said, tossing her magazine aside, and standing up. “A 25% chance is not a compelling argument. It takes nine months to have a baby, and then you have to wait until the child is old enough to harvest bone marrow. I’m not stupid!”

“25% is all we have!” John said loudly. “We’ve found a specialist. Once who can filter the stem cells from the mothers blood while she’s pregnant. We could potentially start that process a few months into a compatible pregnancy. Isabella, this is our only option. We’ve exhausted all other routes.”

“IVF takes months, John.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, watching her warily, and then he told her, “We wouldn’t be using IVF. You’re right, it takes too long.”

“You’re asking for permission to fuck that whore again?” Isabella roared. “You’re asking me to condone a weekend of debauchery so you can have another child with Marlena?”

“I’m asking you to understand that IVF will take too long. That’s time we don’t have, Izzy B—”

“—on a 25% chance? No. No, absolutely not. You’re my husband! Mine! You chose me when you stood before G-d, and said your marriage vows,” she said. “Me! I’m sorry. I know how much you love your daughter. I see you with Brady, so I don’t doubt you love her, but John…no. This…” she said gesturing between them, “I’ve already forgiven you for the last time, but I won’t stand for it again, so the answer is no.”

John paused, watching her with somber eyes, and said softly, “I wasn’t asking, Isabella. It’s not a request. It can’t be.”

“So,” she said slowly. “Even if I tell you that doing this could end our marriage, you’re going to go ahead with this plan?”

“I can’t—I won’t let my daughter die,” he whispered. “This is a last resort. We’ve exhausted all other avenues. That night with Marlena…in San Francisco, it wouldn’t have happened if we both weren’t drunk and hurting emotionally. I’m sorry it hurt you—”

“—but you’re not sorry it happened?” Isabella interjected, cutting him off. “You were with her the whole night! You weren’t drunk the whole time.”

“Isabella!” John said loudly. “I can’t be sorry it happened! Don’t you see that? I can’t be sorry, because being sorry means, I regret Gertie…and I don’t. I don’t regret my daughter.”

Isabella was conflicted. She could tell him it was over. She could say if he did this she would divorce him, but she knew, he would eventually end up back in Marlena’s arms indefinitely. She would lose him, because if he had to choose between his child and her, he would always choose his child. He would accept a divorce, and he would still have another child with Marlena. She stepped closer to John, and she whispered with venom, “Fine. You go fuck your whore, John, but remember who your wife is…remember who you come home to.”

Isabella turned quickly, as if she would walk away, and John grabbed her wrist, gripping it tightly, “Marlena is not a whore. Don’t you ever, ever, refer to her that way again.”

“Or what?”

“Marriage vows be damned, Isabella. I will walk out that fucking door, and this marriage…it will be over. You will never refer to the mother of my children in that manner. Never.”

“You’re hurting me,” she whispered. 

John squeezed her wrist once more, before he let go, and he said, barely above a whisper, “Good.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gertie climbed up on Alice’s lap, dragging her stuffed caterpillar with her, and Alice snuggled the little girl closer to her. Her dark soft curls were a riot around her cherubic face, with the darkest blue eyes peeking out. Alice had been charmed by the child since she was born. “Your Mommy and Daddy made the most beautiful little girl,” Alice told her. Then, remembering the gift she brought, she whispered, “Gertie, I brought you a present.”

Gertie sat up, her eyes alight, “Pwesent?”

“I did. It’s in that bag by the door,” Alice told her pointing to it.

Gertie scrambled down from her lap, and ran towards the door on pudgy little legs. Just as she began dragging the bag towards the couch, Marlena came from the bedroom, carrying a basket of laundry, exclaiming, “Alice, please don’t tell me you bought her something else. Every time you visit you bring her something.”

“I can’t help it, Marlena. Anytime I see a child with a healthy love for science, I just have to foster that.”

Marlena watched Gertie pull a large box, covered in butterflies, out of the bag, and yell, “Butterfwies!”

“It’s a kit Gertie, so you can raise your own butterflies, and then release them,” Alice told her. “It comes with a net house, and then you send away for the caterpillars.”

“Catapiwas! Catapiwas!” Gertie said, jumping up and down.

Marlena gave Alice a look that said ‘why?’, and then told Gertie with trepidation, “Aren’t you excited? You can grow bugs in the house.”

Alice laughed at the expression of distaste on Marlena’s face,  and then watching the excitement in the little girls eyes, she said, “You know, Marlena, you might have a little entomologist on your hands.”

“Her obsession with bugs, and all things crawly, is beyond me,” Marlena said with a short laugh as she started folding the laundry.

“My Tommy was like that as a child. Every time I turned around he was bringing something or other into the house. He got so angry when Addie sat on his ant farm,” Alice said.

“Addie sat on an ant farm?” Marlena asked with a laugh.

“Tommy thought the ants might be sleepy, so he tucked the whole thing into bed, and covered it with a blanket,” Alice said. “Addie sat on it, breaking it, of course. It did not end well.”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, and then asked Alice softly, “Do you miss him?”

“Tommy? Everyday, I miss him,” Alice said quietly. “Losing a child changes you. It’s a scar that never truly heals, and a pain that never fades.”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, watching Gertie sit in front of the box, and point at the bugs talking to herself. “I’ve been thinking about DJ so much lately,” Marlena said. “I lost him so young. I’d barely had any time with him. Losing him destroyed me. He was my son. My child. To lose Gertie—”

“—don’t say that!” Alice told her softly, reaching for Marlena’s hand. “There are so many new treatments for cancer now. I heard Dr. Welch reached out to the doctor in Chicago. Plus, you have John with you, and that man is devoted. He always has been.”

Marlena was quiet, thinking about Isabella. She didn’t want to disagree with Alice, but John hadn’t always been there. John had left them once, and he still had commitments to Isabella and Brady.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Alice said softly. “Stop it.”

“Do you?”

“I do,” Alice said. “I’ve been alive a long time, Marlena. He’s sorry. I know he is.”

“He is. I know that. I just worry…that he might leave again,” Marlena told her. “I can’t seem to get past that fear.”

“I have a feeling that this time, the hounds of hell couldn’t drag him away,” Alice said. “That man loves you.”

“That man is married to someone else,” Marlena said softly.

“He loves you…and it’s only a matter of time,” Alice told her. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John looked at Sami, as they stood in the kitchen of their new house, he said, “She’s either going to love me forever, or hate my guts, because I just bought a house without discussing it with her.”

“Both. Definitely both. She’s going to be pissed that you spent that much on a house for her, but she’s going to love it at the same time. You know, flattery and all that,” Sami said. “What woman wouldn’t be flattered if a man dropped $1 million on a house for her?”

“I think she’s going to kill me.”

“I think she’s going to cry, and then finally realize how serious you are…about staying in Salem, and about helping us,” Sami said. “And now we’ll have space for the miracle baby…which I’m assuming you’ve decided to try for.”

“I am not discussing that with you,” John said, taking one final look around before he started walking towards the front door.

“I’m not a baby, you know,” Sami said, following behind him. “People have sex. It’s normal.”

John stopped, and stared at her, as if he suddenly realized in that moment that she was nearly twenty. Feeling slightly nauseous, as only a father could, he started walking again, only to stop at Sami’s next words, “You know, Dad. I lost my virginity in the back of a Jimmy Carstairs Chevy pickup truck on prom night.”

John turned around so fast, with a face of complete shock, “Samantha Gene! That’s a lie!”

“Yeah, you’re right…it was Ben Hoffman in a 1972 olive drab Pinto station wagon,” she said with a smirk. “At homecoming.”

“Sami!” John exclaimed, feeling ill.

Laughing hysterically, Sami said, “Okay…okay, I haven’t had sex, I’m still a virgin, Dad, but when I do—”

“—stop!” John said, stepping forward, and grabbing her face in his hands. “I can’t even think about it. You’re my little girl. I changed your diapers. I cleaned up your vomit. I coached your softball team. This conversation, as hilarious as you find it, is over.”

John let go of her, and turned to start walking again, and Sami followed him with the biggest smile on her face.

Chapter 23

Two days later, Marlena woke, and immediately took her temperature. She stared at the thermometer, and sighed. Her temperature was down slightly, she was going to ovulate soon. Feeling awkward, but knowing she had no choice, she reached for the phone, and dialed Victor’s house, asking to speak with John. When his voice came on the line, she said softly, “My temperature has dropped.”

“So…today?” John asked her, feeling his abdominal muscles clench. He wanted her, but he had to keep his head together.

“Yes,” she replied softly. “I’m most fertile right before ovulation occurs.”

“Dr. Liu said days 13-15 on a 28-day cycle…that’s three days, Doc, not just today,” John said, looking around quickly, feeling as if he were having a convert conversation.

“We might not need three days,” Marlena told him. “I know Isabella is incredibly upset about this. I—I understand why.” Marlena’s heart broke every time she thought about John making love to his wife, she could only imagine how Isabella might feel about what she and John were about to do.

John was silent for a moment, and then he said, “Isabella will be more upset if this doesn’t work, and we have to do it again…three days, Doc. Pack a bag.”

“I—I didn’t realize we would be going somewhere,” Marlena said softly. “Who’s going to watch Gertie?”

“I’ve already worked it out with Sami and Eric…even Carrie is on board…just pack a bag. I’ll be over in an hour or so, to pick you up.”

“You did? John…they know we’re going to…oh, G-d! Okay,” Marlena whispered, feeling her breathing pick up. This was really happening. He’d made plans. “Okay. Okay. Okay…I’ll be ready.”

Isabella heard the line click, as John and Marlena hung up. He was going to do this. Marlena was tracking her temperature, to be sure she was fertile. Isabella wanted to scream, rant, break things…but she couldn’t. Taking a long, slow, deep breath, she hung up the phone, and turned around quickly, when she heard John clear his throat behind her. She stared at him. He knew she’d been listening in on his telephone call with Marlena. His face was etched with anger.

“You were listening to my phone call,” John said, with barely concealed rage. “I don’t want to hurt you, Isabella. I don’t know why you would do that.”

“You don’t want to hurt me?” she asked with derision. “And yet, you’re going to do this anyway?”

“I am,” John said. “My child has cancer. She could die, and I’m going to do what I can to make sure that doesn’t happen. I’m going to be gone for a few days—”

“—I heard,” she replied with venom in her voice. “You two have this down to a science, don’t you? Marlena’s tracking her temperature? Don’t lie to me, John. You may be doing this to try, and have a child, that could potentially save Gertie, but don’t lie to me. I can see it in your face. I heard it in your voice. Marlena said one day, one day, and you were very quick to insist on three days. You want this. You want three days alone with her, fucking like G-d damned bunnies! You want to be with her!”

John knew she was right, although he would never admit it to her, “Isabella! I don’t know why you do this to yourself! Why were you listening to a private conversation?” 

“I deserve to know what you’re doing, John!” Isabella cried, with tears building up in her eyes. “I deserve to know!”

“Do you really need details? It’s only going to hurt you even more,” he said sadly. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

John turned to leave the room, and he heard Isabella hiss, “I hate her. I fucking hate her so much.”

“That’s the saddest part,” John said. “Don’t let hatred consume you, Izzy B…I’ll be back on Thursday.”

Isabella’s chest tightened, “Thursday? But…Wednesday is Valentine’s Day…” She sat heavily on the end of her bed, and started crying, “Don’t do this to me, John! Please, don’t do this!”

He didn’t want to hurt her this way, and at times he felt, that saving this marriage would never work. All he said was, “I have to go.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John parked two blocks from the house he’d purchased for Marlena and the children, saying he wanted to go for a walk along the riverfront. He’d surprise Marlena with the house first, and then go back later to get the car. As they neared the house, hand in hand, she laughed, when a strong wind blew up from the river, and said, “John! It’s cold! Can we go back to the car?”

John smiled, tugging her hand, and pulling her behind him a little further, “I wanted to show you something first.”

“What could you possibly have to show me, in this neighborhood,” Marlena asked him, but when she looked up, she saw it. The most beautiful Queen Anne, the one she had specifically told Sami not to mention. “John…”

“Sami didn’t tell me anything,” John said, reading her face. “I over heard the conversation, and she filled in the blanks. That’s not the same.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s the same,” Marlena said softly, staring at the house. “I can’t believe you did this. I can’t—I can’t afford this.”

“You don’t need to. It’s a gift. I would do anything for you, pretty lady. Anything,” he whispered, tracing his fingers softly over her jaw. “Would you like to see it?”

“A gift? John, no, you can’t do that. If Isabella finds out you bought me a house—”

“—I’m Gertie’s father, Doc. I’m pretty certain that falls under child support,” John told her.

“I can’t believe you did this,” she whispered, staring at the house in awe. “You have the keys already?” she asked with apprehension, and a little bit of excitement, although she wouldn’t admit it.

“I do,” John said, smiling at her, and watching her purposely school her reaction. She was excited, and she was happy, but she also didn’t want him to know that his impulsive decision pleased her. 

John pulled the keys out of his pocket, and tugged Marlena towards the path that led to the front porch steps. The house was three stories tall, and directly across the street from the river. It was beautiful, and everything Marlena wanted for her family. She said softly, “I can’t believe you bought it.”

“That’s a fact, Doc. It’s too late to talk me out of it. This is—this is where we’re going to stay for the next few days. Is that okay with you?”

Following him through the front door in awe, Marlena felt her abdomen flutter, “Yes…I can’t believe you did this.”

“You need the room. Enough room for the kids, plus any medical equipment we might end up needing for Gertie. The attic is finished, so the kids can do whatever they want up there. A huge kitchen—”

Marlena stood in the foyer, and said, “—John! What am I going to do with a huge kitchen?”

He remembered Sami’s joke, and he said, “Learn to cook?” 

“I swear sometimes, Sami gets her attitude from you!” Marlena said, smacking John’s arm, and walking into the living area. “A fireplace!”

“This house has three fireplaces, one of them is in your bedroom,” John said, sliding up behind her, and wrapping his arms solidly around her. He hadn’t allowed himself to hold her like this, since that time in her bathroom. It felt amazing. Placing his lips on her ear, he kissed her softly.

Marlena’s breath hitched, “John…”

“Three days, Doc,” he breathed, biting at her ear. “Three days…and, please, don’t hold back.”

Marlena sighed, relaxing into him, “Okay.” She felt such joy, and she felt such sadness. She knew that in three days time, she would love him even more. Her body shivered violently when John’s tongue slid along her neck, “John!”

Pulling back quickly, he reached for her hand, and said, “House tour! First stop…the bedroom.”

“Is this place furnished?” she asked, looking around, as she stumbled behind him up the stairs. 

“It wasn’t, but Sami and I took care of that,” John said, pushing Marlena against the wall at the top of the stairs, and kissing her soundly. Marlena moaned into his mouth, and he felt himself getting hard just from the sounds she was making. He stared into her eyes, “Promise me, Doc. Promise me, three days…”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Three days.”

“We’re not going to mention anyone else. We’re not going to let the outside world in…promise me,” he begged her. He needed her to agree. Somewhere deep inside him, he needed to spend the next three days with her, shutting everything else out.

“I promise,” she whispered, reaching for his face. “I promise.”

“Good, now the bedroom,” John said, tugging her away from the wall, and down the hallway.

“You—you furnished my bedroom?” Marlena asked warily.

John reached for her hand again, “I sure did, Baby. Let’s go see if the bed is soft enough.”

Marlena felt her core clench, and said softly, “John, can you…can you not call me, Baby? This is going to hurt a lot, when it’s over, and I don’t think I can take it if—”

He pulled her body flush with his, “—okay…I’ll try. It’s just, so easy to fall into that with you. Little terms of endearment that I have only ever used with with you.” His fingers trailed over her jawline, and he whispered, “So fucking easy.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, staring into blue eyes she would like nothing more than to lose herself in.

His mouth was nearly on hers, when he said softly, “Let me show you the bedroom.”

“Oh, G-d!” she gasped at the visuals that came to her mind. Her on a bed, with her legs spread wide, while John nipped, and licked away along the sensitive skin there. 

John bit her jaw lightly, “I love biting you. I enjoy it so fucking much, Doc.”

“John!” she cried. She was throbbing in her core, and he’d barely done more the kiss her, and whisper in her ear. She could feel moisture dripping from her, and she heard herself whine softly.

John had never seen her so flustered, and it was sexy, he wanted to push her further. “Doc,” he said. “I want to make love to you. I want to spend the next three days inside you.”

“Oh, my G-d!”

“Stop fighting this…” he whispered over her lips. “Stop over thinking all of it. You promised me three days.”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, finally saying, “I did. Three days.”

“What do you want right now? Right now. Don’t censor yourself. What do you want? Whatever pops into your head, Doc, say it.” Marlena continued to stare at him, unwilling to say what had popped into her head. 

John pulled her into the bedroom, and she looked around in a daze. A beautiful, carved four poster bed sat on one side of the room, a large brick fireplace, a seating area, and a large rug in front of the fireplace. It was beautiful. The room was gorgeous, and it was even more meaningful because John said, he’d done it for her. Marlena was so distracted that she ignored his question.

Holding her upper arms tightly, John said again, “Tell me what you want!”

She stared into his eyes, whispering, “You.”

“Me?”

“Yes,” she whispered, and then she shivered again, as a flash of John’s head between her thighs came to her mind. She groaned, and realized she was squeezing her legs together in an attempt to get relief for the throbbing in her pussy.

John noticed her breathing pick up, and he saw her lips part in arousal. It was driving him mad, “Doc…what are you thinking about?”

“Huh?” she asked him, feeling her core clench again with want.

“What are you thinking about right now, and don’t lie.”

“I—I’m so…”

A slow smile spread across John’s face, “Your thinking about me aren’t you? What is going on in your filthy mind right now, Doc? Are you fantasizing about what we could do together on the bed? On that rug in front of the fireplace? Or maybe if I leaned you over the back of that couch? No one is here, no one but us, and I could think of a hundred things I want to do to your body.”

She licked over her lips, wetting them, and whispered, “Oh.”

“I want to kiss you. I want to pull your hair a little, and push you into the nearest wall. I want to lick, and bite my way across your breasts, and bury my head between those soft thighs—”

“—oh, G-d!” Marlena gasped, feeling her pussy tighten in want.

“That’s it, isn’t it? Can you picture it? My mouth on your pussy, and your legs thrown over my shoulders? Is that what you want?”

“Yes,” she said, staring up at him helplessly, gripping at his arms to hold herself steady.

John unbuttoned her coat, pushing it from her shoulders, and onto the floor. Pulling her towards the bed, he sat down, and whispered, “Take your clothes off, Doc.”

Chapter 24

John sat on the end of the bed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt while he watched Marlena pull her sweater over her head, and push her jeans down, over her hips. The sway of her body, and the wiggle of her hips, had his cock jerking in his pants. He felt himself shiver, as he imagined running his fingers over the soft, rounded flesh of her ass. He could imagine the way the warm skin on her shoulders would feel under his lips. He imagined the slick feel of rose pink satin panties under his fingers, even as she stood three feet away from him. Under normal circumstances, he might take time to appreciate the matching bra; however, right then he had no patience for it. “Take off the bra,” he said gruffly, shrugging his shirt off. John watched her, feeling his cock grow even harder, as he popped the button on his jeans, and kicked his shoes off to the side. 

Marlena reached behind herself, unfastening the clasp that held her bra in place. She felt it release, and rolled her shoulders allowing it to fall forward onto the floor, while her breasts fell heavily, bouncing with their weight. The chilly air of the room washed over her skin, and she shivered from it, but her reaction was also John. John’s eyes on her were causing a fire within her to blaze, and like so many times before, she waited for his next move.

John was entranced by her. The curve of her breasts as her breathing became more erratic, and the swell of her hips, as they rounded into her long length of legs. He groaned just from the thought of having her wrapped around him. He sucked in a harsh breath, when his eyes landed on the apex of her thighs. She was nearly bare, his eyes quickly glanced up, and she blushed, looking away. Reaching his hand out to touch her, squeezing her mound, and sliding his finger over her slit. Barely able to breath, he whispered, “Come here, Doc.”

Marlena stepped into the vee of his thighs, staring down into his eyes, and laced her fingers into his soft, dark, hair. His large hands cupped her hips, sliding down to the back of her thighs. Squeezing her flesh, his fingers ventured deeper, between her legs, and Marlena moaned deep in her throat. He groaned, feeling her wetness had already soaked the fabric of her panties. John nuzzled his face into her breasts, softly sucking at one nipple, and Marlena whispered breathily, “When I’m with you, I can’t think straight. My body takes over my mind, and I can’t function.” His lips pulled at her nipple with more force, and she could feel the pull in her pussy.

“I don’t want you to think, right now,” he told her, licking a long line up her chest. “I want you to feel everything I do you you, but don’t think.” With his hands roughly squeezing the back of her thighs, John pulled her closer, dipping his head down, and placed his mouth over her center, breathing hot, moist air through the fabric of her panties. Marlena cried out, pushing her pussy into his face. His teeth nipped and bit at the flesh of her abdomen, and his tongue delved into her navel, finally licking its way back up to her breasts. 

“I swear to G-d, Doc, I want to devour you,” he said, as his hands cupped her breasts, and his mouth took her nipple again, sucking deeply. He licked over her, groaning low in his throat. “You taste so fucking good,” John said, and then began to suck deeply on the sensitive flesh on the side of her breast. She could feel the sting from the pressure of his mouth, as it shot straight to her center, and her body arched into him. Her mewling sounds, and high pitched gasps, had John’s fingers digging deeper into the soft flesh of her upper thighs, and he could feel the heat of her pussy radiating outward, driving his passion even higher. 

As good as his mouth on her felt, she knew he was going to leave marks on her, “John—oh, G-d! John…you’re going to leave…” 

Pulling his mouth off of breast roughly, John looked up at her, his pupils blown with arousal, and he said with in a roughened voice, “I’m going to mark your body all over. No one will see it but you…and every time you do, every time you glance at yourself in the bathroom mirror, every time you change your clothes, I want your pussy to clench when you see marks on your body and you remember tonight.”

Lifting one of her breasts, John’s tongue lapped over the crease below it, picking up the salty tang of her skin, which caused him to groan with want. His cock was so hard it was becoming painful in the confines of his jeans. His mouth settled just above her navel, and he licked over her skin, latching on, and sucking deeply, while Marlena’s head fell back, and she cried out, “Oh, G-d!” The stinging pain of his mouth pulling on her skin, had her fingers pulling at his hair, and she could feel moisture leaking onto her inner thighs. The pain of his mouth was delicious.

Releasing her to stand up, and push his jeans over his hips, John groaned again when his cock bobbed heavily against his abdomen. Sitting back down in front of her, he settled his hands on Marlena’s hips, and told her gruffly, “Turn around.”

No longer able to see him, Marlena moaned, at the feel of his tongue as he licked languidly over her lower back, and around her hip. Again, she cried out, as his mouth began to suck deeply at the soft flesh of her hip. She could feel his fingers digging into her skin, pulling her body back so that he could reach around, and cup her breasts. She had no control, and all she could do was moan as the stinging sensation moved along her nerves, “John…it feels so good.”

Plucking her nipples roughly, he stood, and his mouth latched onto the skin at her shoulder, sucking deeply, until she felt the sting, and she knew he was marking her again. “John!” she cried helplessly, craving the slight pain that came with his mouth. “Oh! Oh! John!” It sent a thrill through her. She wanted to be his. She wanted to look in the bathroom mirror tonight, or tomorrow morning…even next week, and see the evidence of his passion for her. 

“Doc, these fucking panties,” he groaned, sitting back down. “I can’t decide if I want to keep them on you, and do all measure of dirty things around them…or if I should fucking tear them off of you.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed, feeling his fingers fist in the satin, and hearing the slight sound of fabric tearing. “Whatever you want! Do whatever you want!”

“Spread you legs,” he whispered, staring at her ass. Marlena opened her stance, and John released his hold on her panties to pull the gusset aside. He watched his own hand reach forward, the sight causing his cock to bob and twitch. His fingers sank into her moist heat, and they both groaned out loud. “You are so wet, Doc. So tight,” he murmured, sliding his fingers in, and out of her, while his thumb played over her anus. Watching his hand repeatedly disappear into her swollen folds was increasing his own arousal. John pulled his hand back, staring at the wetness on his fingers, and licked them, “You taste so good, baby. You make me so hard, it’s almost painful.”

“John! Please,” Marlena begged him. Tremors wracked her legs, and John’s slow torture was going to be her undoing.

“Oh, no, Doc. I’m not rushing this. Turn around, and face me…but keep those legs open,” he said huskily. Marlena turned, and John’s hand returned to her pussy, this time his thumb rubbed over her clit softly, as he marveled over her body. Marlena’s smooth mound, and her swollen pink clit peeking out, was driving him mad. Just staring at her felt wrong, taboo, and had his dick so hard he thought he might cry from it. He was pushing her closer to the edge, but never giving her enough to come. His fingers slid through her folds, parting her to his eyes, and he said, “Come closer.”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena cried, stepping forward on shaky legs. 

His fingers held her most private place open to his eyes, and he groaned, “So fucking pretty.” Leaning forward, his tongue flicked over her clit once, and then he licked over her in a long, slow, lap. “You taste so fucking good.” Latching onto her clit, John began to suck on her, long and slow, while he moaned out his own pleasure. His cock was so hard, he reached for it, giving himself several hard pumps, while he continued to suck, and lap at Marlena’s pussy.

Marlena’s legs began to shake, and her hands clenched on his shoulders, her fingers digging into him, “John! Oh, G-d! John!”

John’s hand reached for the satin fabric of her panties, pulling them down her legs roughly, “I need to see all of you.”

Marlena’s legs were shaking violently, “John my legs, I—I don’t think I can keep—” She didn’t finish her sentence, because John stood up, wrapping his arms around her body, and picked her up, only to spin her towards the bed, and drop her back to her feet unceremoniously. He got to his knees, pushing her back onto the bed, and held her there with his splayed palm on her abdomen. “Don’t move, Doc,” he told her, and then he pulled her forward by the back of her knees. He was desperate to taste her, desperate to kiss, and bite, and lick over her swollen folds. John pushed her knees apart roughly, and bit at the flesh of her inner thighs. He intended to mark every place he visited on her body, so his mouth landed near her pussy, on the sensitive, soft skin, and he lapped over it, sucking deeply. Sucking hard. 

Marlena’s hips thrashed, and her high pitched gasps had his mouth pulling at her flesh even harder. She screamed into the silent room, “John!”

Pulling his mouth away from her, he said, “Fuck, Doc! I lose control with you. I want you all at once. I want to speed up, and bury my cock in you, but at the same time, I don’t want it to be over.”

Marlena’s hips bucked up, onto his face, “John! Please!”

“You’re going to cum for me first, Doc,” John said, sliding his fingers back into her, and hooking them forward to rub over that spot deep inside of her. His mouth, and his lips, covered her clit, and he started that long slow pull of suction. On and on he sucked, until Marlena’s orgasm crashed over her, and wetness dripped from her body onto the bedspread. Looking up at her, John said, “Fuck, baby…do you feel better?”

She heard it. Baby…but she let it go, as she said almost incoherently, “No! No! I need you—I need you inside me.” She stared at him helplessly with her fists clenching in the bedspread. “John!” she cried. He was going to give her what she wanted, but first he leaned forward, placing his mouth just above her mound, and he sucked hard. Marlena rolled her head to the side, grabbing at his hair, “Oh, John! John!” and she came again.

She was a mess, and he loved it. Admiring the mark left on her, John rubbed his thumb over it, pressing hard so she could feel it, and climbed onto the bed, pulling her up beside him. His mouth took hers. She could taste her essence on his tongue, which only served to drive her arousal even higher. His mouth bit at her lips. His tongue licked over hers. Rolling to face him, Marlena slid as close as she could, and she looped her leg over his hip, pulling him even closer, “Please, John…please, fuck me.”

Lining himself up with her opening, John lifted her leg up over her arm, His other arm wrapped around her shoulder, and he slid into her body in one strong stroke, causing her head to fall back with a gasp. Marlena was lost in a sea of pleasure. Being with John was everything she wanted. It was everything she had missed. It was everything she needed. His body. His soul…all of it. 

John’s hips rolled into her, as they lay there together, and he said roughly, “I love you, Doc. I swear, I—I’ve never been this connected to someone…never.”

Marlena’s fingers traveled over his face, and tears slid from her eyes. Her fingers laced through his hair, and she pulled his mouth to hers, with a soft sob. John continued to move in and out of her at a languid pace. She could feel her orgasm rising up inside her, the pleasure building, and just as John started coming, she crashed over into bliss. She bit John’s shoulder, screaming between her teeth, and John roared out his release, “Fuck! Doc!”

Her face was buried in his neck, and she held him tightly, close to her body, sobbing into him, “I love you. I love you so much.”

Chapter 25

John moved the car while she was asleep, parking it in the garage, and then making his way back upstairs. He stood in the doorway to Marlena’s bedroom, and watched her sleep. The curves of her naked body was tangled in the sheets, her breasts bared to the dim light of the early afternoon. The fall of her hair against her shoulders, and the small sigh she took were pulling him back to her. He couldn’t recall ever feeling this pull towards anyone but her. He cared for Isabella, at one point he even felt as if he loved her; however, nothing compared to the almost spiritual connect he had with the woman lying in the bed across the room. John felt his cock stir, feeling like time was his enemy. He discarded his clothing, climbing back into bed beside her, sliding his skin along hers in a dance as old as time.

Marlena’s eyes fluttered open, landing on his dark blue ones, and she smiled softly. Her fingers trailed over his face softly, “Where did you go?”

“I got the car, and put it in the garage. Then I brought in our bags,” he said. “Do you want to sleep some more, or take a shower?”

“I’m hungry,” she said, just as her stomach growled.

John laughed, pulling her close, “I stocked the kitchen yesterday. Come on, lets go see what’s for lunch.” 

“What if I want you for lunch?”

“You’ll get me, Bab—Let’s eat,”

He started to move from the bed, and Marlena said, “I want you too.”

“You want me too…what?”

“Call me Baby,” she whispered. “Say whatever you want. It’s going to hurt no matter what. We can’t change that. I want you. All of you for tonight and the next two days.”

He smiled, pushing her body down into the bed, and kissing her slowly, “I wish I could bury myself in you, and stay there…”

Marlena’s stomach made itself known again, and John laughed. Kissing her once more quickly, he rolled out of bed, and began searching for a pair of sweatpants. Marlena stared at his back side, thinking she wanted to bite it. John tossed his shirt to her, because there was nothing sexier than Marlena naked underneath one of his shirts.

They made their way into the kitchen, John’s thumb softly tracing over Marlena’s palm. She adored him. She loved him so much her heart swelled with it. She leaned against the kitchen counter, watching his shirtless body begin to pull items from the refrigerator,  “So what are you making?”

“Are you okay with Caprese salads?”

“Yes,” she said, stepping closer, and wrapping her arms around his waist. Her face rubbed against the warm skin of his back, and she whispered, “You smell so good…”

John stopped what he was doing, and turned around in her arms, “Listen, woman…I cannot concentrate with you so close.” He lifted her to sit on the countertop, leaving her with her bare legs dangling, “Stay there until I’m done.” Turning around he began to chop the romaine, plating it, and compiling all of the other ingredients. John was so focused on the task at hand, that he jumped when he felt Marlena’s cold toes against his lower back. Spinning around he reached for her legs, stepping closer, and pinning them against his body, laughing, “Stop that!”

“Hurry up,” she said, pulling her foot back. She wrapped her foot around the back of his thigh, and whispered, “I want to touch you.”

“I thought you said you were hungry?” he asked her, staring up into her beautiful face with a quirked eyebrow.

Marlena hedged, “I am…but I…”

His hands smoothed up her legs, squeezing gently as he went, and finally gripping her knees. John’s eyes went to the vee of her legs, where his shirt hid her most private places. Spreading her legs wider, he pulled her closer to him, “What? You’re what?”

“I’m afraid,” she whispered touching his face, and running her fingers through his hair. “I’m so afraid, that when this is over, when our time is up…watching you go home to Isabella…” Marlena became very quiet, and then she murmured, “Never mind…”

He sighed, burying his face in her neck, and breathing deeply. Her pain was visceral, he could feel it as deeply as he felt his own pain. His arms wrapped around her waist tightly, “I don’t know what to do. I’m so torn…and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I used to talk to Abe, but since I left Salem…I don’t have anyone.” He was quiet, coming to understand in an instant that Isabella had isolated him from everyone, his family, his friends, and she had effectively kept him that way. He had no one.

Marlena kissed the top of his head, “I can listen.”

How could he discuss this with her? Especially when he knew that his marriage to Isabella had hurt her so much. Replying softly, John whispered, “Doc, I can’t—I’m so fucking torn! I love you. I want more than anything to be with you, but I promised before G-d to love, honor, and cherish, Isabella. I’ve failed miserably on all counts,” he said looking up into the gold flecked hazel eyes before him. “Me being here with you is breaking Isabella’s heart, and I feel like the shittiest person, because all I can think about is holding you while I sleep tonight. All I can think about is sinking into your body again. And my marriage? When do I let it go? When do I say, I can’t stay married to her, because almost every night I dream I’m having sex with you in my office?” His eyes were glued to her as he whispered, with his hot breath brushing her lips, “Against the window…on my desk…”

Marlena gasped, “You—you do?”

John smirked, remembering her comment from the other day, “Yeah—”

“—I’ve dreamed of your office,” she said softly, making his body wrack with shivers when her fingertips trailed over his mouth.

John’s voice was husky, “What did you dream?”

Marlena blushed deeply, “Um…which time?”

“Which time? Doc,” John said, more than curious now, “What has your filthy mind been doing?”

Marlena felt shyness and embarrassment wash over her. “I’m hungry,” she said, changing the subject. “Can you make my salad, please?”

“When I dream of you, Doc…it’s almost always in my office,” he said, gripping her hips.

She was curious. Was it possible to somehow be together in a dream, to feel a connection so strong it crossed into another realm? Marlena breathed, “Can you—can you tell me about it?”

“You want to hear about my sexy Marlena dream?”

She nodded her head, whispering, “Yes.”

“It involved my office window, and a pair of amethyst earrings.”

She stared at him, lost in a haze of shock, “I remember…and, on your desk.”

“Doc, you ravaged me on my desk. You took control, and made my cock weep,” he whispered against her mouth. “I told you…I was dreaming about Gertie for two years. Why couldn’t I dream in tandem with you?”

“I don’t understand,” she said. “How is that possible?”

“I’ve had moments…other dreams with you…dreams where I didn’t feel alone.”

“When?” she asked softly, her voice seductive, pulling him closer.

“The first time, was when we were in the cave in West Virginia. I dreamed that you rolled over and—”

“—I kissed you…I touched your lips so softly, and I kissed you.”

“I don’t know what it is between us. I’ll never understand. I’m married to Isabella, and every day, every night…fuck…I wish I wasn’t.”

“You have a family with her,” Marlena told him.

“I have a family with you, Doc, and who decides which one is more important?”

“Neither one is more important, honey…but which one makes you happier?”

John felt tears escape his eyes, and he said softly, “You make me happier. You make me so much happier, and I’m so connected to you. I’m so in love with you, but then I think about Brady…”

Marlena wiped the tears from his face, and pulled his face into her neck, running her fingers through his hair, “I don’t want you to hurt, John.”

“Isabella is so angry. All she does is tell me how unhappy she is, and then I leave her at Victor’s house to come to you,” John said. “I felt so guilty, because even as I told her it was necessary to do this for Gertie, my heart was screaming at the opportunity to love you exclusively. My cock was responding at just the thought of being with you. All of that, even knowing that when I say goodbye again, it’s going to rip me apart. I’m torturing myself!”

“I don’t want to be the one who causes you pain, John. I don’t want you feel so torn that it destroys you. I couldn’t handle that, knowing that it was because of me.”

“Don’t you understand? I’m causing myself pain. I want you. I want to be with you. Not just your body. I want to be your lover, and your best friend. I want to be the person you can’t wait to come home to. But, I have never shied away from a promise, a commitment. My son depends on me, my wife depends on me…and all I can do is dream of you…”

Threading her fingers through is hair, she felt that his pain was palpable, coming off of him in waves. John’s tears soaked her shirt, and when he finally lifted his head from her breasts, he looked at her sheepishly.

“I’m not usually a weeper.”

“You have so many people, expecting so much much of you. I understand that.”

“But I promised you…I promised that we would keep the other stuff out while we’re here, and I’ve—”

“—thinking we could do that was unrealistic, John. We both know that,” she said softly, her own tears falling from her eyes. “We can’t pretend that the world outside isn’t waiting for us to leave this place.”

“Doc, Baby,” John groaned, rolling his face in her neck, and wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. The feel of her thighs pulling him closer, and her breath on his face, was his undoing, “I need you, Baby. Fuck, I need you so bad.” His fingers were on the buttons of his shirt, unfastening and spreading the fabric quickly. John’s nose ran up the length between her breasts, and he inhaled her. “I need you,” he groaned, and then pulled her nipple into his mouth.

The sting in his skin, from her nails digging into his shoulders, had pleasure shooting down his spine. John’s mouth continued to take deep pulls on her flesh, sucking and tugging at her breast, while she moaned. Pulling off of her, John’s mouth took her lips almost viciously, biting at her pillowy skin, and sucking on her tongue. 

He couldn’t stop himself. Emotions raged through him like a tempest on the sea, and he pulled her into him, lifting her from the counter. He carried Marlena’s weight over to the kitchen table, sitting her on the edge, and he briefly thought, that at some point they would have to slow down. Their joining couldn’t always be a storm, a wild, passion filled coming together. But in that moment, that’s what it was going to be. He pushed his sweatpants below his cock, and he spread Marlena open, staring down at her swollen folds while lining up his cock. His dick slid into her body with ease, and John bit her neck roughly, crying into her, “Baby…oh, G-d! Baby…I love you!”

Marlena had never understood romance novels when they wrote about joy and sadness intertwined, yet, right then, she felt the most profound sadness, while John brought her the most incredible joy.

Chapter 26

Marlena sat on the bed, listening to the shower run in the bathroom. They were leaving. Marlena held her palm gently against her abdomen. If she wasn’t pregnant, she’d be shocked. They had made love fourteen times. She wasn’t sure why she kept track. Maybe, because every time they made love it brought her closer to the end. Maybe, because she wanted to commit every moment to memory. Her body was a testament to their time together. Her flesh a myriad of bruises left by John’s fingers digging into her flesh, and his hands that gripped too tightly…bruises left by John’s mouth as he devoured her bit by bit. Their bags were packed, sitting just outside the bedroom door, and Marlena sat in a haze of grief. She loved him even more, if that were possible. Three days of early morning love making, and afternoon chats. Three days with her soul mate, and they were leaving within the hour.

Marlena felt like she should say goodbye then, let John go silently, but she wasn’t ready. Although, she knew she would never be ready. He couldn’t even look her in the face before he’d gone to shower. He’d brushed his hand softly over her cheek, and walked away. Standing up, she tread to the bathroom door, and quietly stepped inside. Stripping off the clothes she’d put on for her trip home, she quietly stepped into the shower, pressing herself against John’s back. There were no words. She couldn’t speak if she wanted to.

Turning around, John’s mouth was on hers in an instant. Shoving her back against the shower wall roughly, his hands grabbed hers pulling them above her head, and held them there. He licked a blazing path down her neck, biting and nipping at her already tender flesh. Marlena’s high pitched cries were driving him on. He couldn’t believe he was ready for her again, when he’d made love to her only forty minutes earlier in front of the fireplace downstairs. 

He pulled back, his breath heaving as he stared into her eyes. Still no words. They couldn’t speak, because if either one attempted it, they might break down completely. Marlena pulled her hands free, reaching for his face, and tugged his mouth to hers again. He was lost. His arms lifted her under her knees, and he pushed into her. One long, smooth, thrust and he was ensconced in her moist heat. He pushed into her, over, and over again, while he buried his face in her neck. John felt Marlena’s hot tears land on his ear and his neck, and still he pushed into her, desperate to commit it all to memory.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

March 1996

Sami sighed softly, cradling the telephone receiver between her ear and her shoulder, “Dad…she still won’t take your calls. She—she thinks it’s best to have some distance right now. This is really hard on her.”

“She has her appointment today, with Dr. Liu. It’s the pregnancy test. Has she said anything?” John asked, desperate to hear something.

“She’s there now. Daddy, if she’s pregnant…she’ll call you. You know she will,” Sami said. “She’s setting up Gertie’s chemotherapy schedule too. Dr. Welch says we really can’t wait on that.”

“Can I pick Gertie up this afternoon? Did you ask your mother?”

“She said that’s fine, but she’s not comfortable with Gertie being around Isabella after what happened the other day.”

“I’m sorry about that. I am. Isabella has been…struggling with my decision about Gertie and what Marlena and I did.”

“Even knowing that you did to save your daughter?” Sami asked in outrage.

“Sami,” John said softly, “You know, that with your mother and I…well it wasn’t just for Gertie.”

“I know…but you wouldn’t have crossed that line if you—”

“—don’t,” John said. “I’m dealing with a lot, and I appreciate the support, I do, but I have my own guilt to grapple with…I just—I need Doc to speak to me, and stop avoiding me!”

“Dad, she sobbed for days after you guys came back.”

He was silent for a moment before he whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

Sami growled in frustration, “Sometimes you are so clueless, Dad! She loves you, and she was able to spend three days with you doing G-d only knows what…so yes, she cried…a lot!”

“I understand. I won’t push,” he said. “I’ll pick Gertie up at around 2:00, okay?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Dr. Liu and Dr. Bader smiled at Marlena, and Dr. Bader said, “It’s positive.”

Tears started falling softly over her cheeks, “It’s positive? I’m pregnant?”

“You are, and since you know exactly when, we can estimate a due date around November of this year,” Dr. Liu said.

“Just like Gertie,” Marlena said with a soft smile, while softly touching her abdomen. They had done it. A baby, and whether that baby was a match for Gertie or not, Marlena loved the child with everything she was. “Gertie was conceived in February, too.”

“We’ll need to start prenatal care, and you know about prenatal vitamins,” Dr. Bader told her.

“When can we find out if the baby is a match for Gertie?”

“We can find out in few weeks,” Dr. Liu said. “If the fetus is not a match you can decide if you want to terminate—”

“—No,” Marlena said. “No. If the baby isn’t a match…G-d, I pray that this baby is, but if not, I won’t terminate the pregnancy. I can’t.” She thought of her time with John, and she knew that no matter what, she would carry this baby to term. This child that was created in love.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John sat in the park with Gertie and Brady watching them play in the sandbox, when his cell phone rang, “John Black.”

“It’s Marlena,” she said softly. “We’re pregnant.”

“We’re…oh, G-d, Doc! I’m so happy!”

“Dr. Liu says I can find out in a couple weeks if the baby is a match for Gertie.”

“What if—what if the baby’s not a match?”

“John, this baby…it doesn’t matter if the baby is a match. I’m hoping it is, but if it isn’t…it won’t change anything,” she said, thinking of their time together. “I wanted to let you know…Sami and I are planning to start moving into the house this weekend.”

“Do you need help?”

“No. No, I’m not ready to see you just yet,” Marlena whispered.

“Baby…I miss you,” John said softly. “I…I just want to see you. Maybe spend some time with you.”

She was quiet for awhile, and then she heard Gertie scream, “Dabby!”

John laughed, “What do you have there, Munchkin?”

“You have Gertie? Sami said you’d asked to take her.”

“Thank you for letting me spend time with her,” John told her. “Listen, Doc, I’m sorry about what happened the other day with Isabella. She’s—”

“—it doesn’t matter, John. I don’t want to discuss it.”

“She shouldn’t have said those things.”

“Who told you?”

“Caroline called me…Doc, Isabella’s hurting, and she’s lashing out at you, when she should be lashing out at me,” he said. “I talked to her. She won’t bother you again.”

“I understand why she’s angry. I do. Sometimes…sometimes, I hate her, too,” Marlena whispered.

“Doc—”

“—I need to go,” she said quickly. “Goodbye, John.”

She hung up without another word, leaving his chest feeling hollow, and a sour taste in his mouth. Marlena was pregnant. He stared at Gertie and Brady in the sandbox, and he thought of this baby Marlena was going to have. A smile crossed his face.

“Why you smiling, Daddy?” Brady wanted to know.

“Daddy just got some happy news, and when you get happy news, you smile.”

“I got happy news today,” Brady said with a smile. “You said we could go out to the park, and bring Gertie.”

“That was happy news, wasn’t it?”

Gertie toddled over to her father, and he picked her up. She gave him one of her smiling, open mouthed kisses, and she said, “Wub Dabby.”

“I love you too, Munchkin,” John whispered kissing her head. “I love you, too.”

Marlena sat at the desk in her office, staring at her phone. Hearing his voice for the first time in weeks, cut deep, but she knew she was going to have to move on. Taking a deep sigh, she thought about her run-in with Isabella the other day at Salem Place. Isabella had cornered her near the woman’s restroom.

“You whore,” Isabella hissed.

Marlena had Gertie in her stroller, and she tried to pass by her, “I don’t have time for this Isabella. Let me by.”

“You’re a fucking home wrecking whore,” she spat, blocking Marlena’s path. She looked down at Gertie, and felt a deep hatred rise up in her. The child that stared up at her, with her thumb in her mouth, looked exactly like John. “You get my husband drunk three years ago, and get pregnant. Now your baby is sick, and you have to fuck him again? How convenient.”

“I understand that you’re upset, but this isn’t the time or the place for this conversation. Not in public, and certainly not with my daughter here,” Marlena said. “Let me by.”

“If you hadn’t tricked John into bed the first time, we wouldn’t even be in this situation. You walk around this town with your sanctimonious nose in the air. I hate you—”

“—Isabella!” Caroline said loudly. “You need to leave. Now. I can’t believe you’re behaving this way, especially with a child present.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I’m not sure I’m up to this, Sami,” Marlena told her daughter, while smoothing her hand over her dress. It was a simple, red wine colored dress, with a neckline that was cut a little lower and wider in the shoulders than she was used to. Sami had gone shopping with her, and demanded she buy the dress, saying that the cap sleeves, and the chiffon overlay was divine.

Marlena tugged the bodice up a little, and Sami yelled, “Mom! Stop it! If you’ve got it, flaunt it. There’s nothing wrong with showing a little boobage.”

“Boobage?” Marlena asked her laughing, as Sami adjusted the dress a little lower.

“Yes! G-d, Mom, you’ve been moping around the house for nearly a month,” Sami said said. “Go to Bo’s party at the Penthouse Grille. Celebrate the opening of his PI business. Mingle a little, and come home. You look sexy.”

“John’s going to be there, with Isabella,” Marlena said with apprehension, nervously smoothing her hands over the fabric.

“Even more reason to make him want to fuck you with his eyes,” Sami said.

“Samantha Gene Brady!”

“Mom, I am an adult now…I curse. I swear. I cuss. Get over it.”

Marlena sighed. She had to admit there was a part of her that wanted John to see her in this dress. She wanted him to imagine pulling it off of her. It did look amazing. The dark red color set against her creamy skin gave her a rosy hue. It was fitted over her hips, and ended mid-thigh. Marlena would have never selected a dress this short, but Sami said she should live dangerously, “You’re sure about the dress?”

“You are absolutely gorgeous, Mom. I want you to have fun. Have fun, and look good doing it,” Sami said. “Go to Bo’s party, and at least give it a try. You can’t avoid Dad forever.”

“It hurt so much to hear his voice on the phone this afternoon,” Marlena whispered. 

“You two have Gertie, and in eight months you’re going to have another child. I know it hurts, Mom, but you can’t avoid him forever.”

“I know,” Marlena said, spritzing her favorite perfume on. “I know that, and you’re right. I can’t be a coward forever.”

“You’re not a coward, Mom. You’re in love, and heartbroken,” Sami told her. “That’s different.”

“I love him so much.”

“You’re going to be together. It’s going to happen…I don’t know how, but he loves you too much to stay away.”

“I don’t want to destroy his family. I couldn’t live with the guilt.”

“I have a feeling, Isabella is going to do that all on her own,” Sami said.

Chapter 27

John is miserable. Hearing Marlena’s voice earlier, created a vortex that sucked at him, pulling him towards her, and making him desperate to be near her. Isabella clung to his arm, smiling and socializing, while John pasted a cordial expression on his face, and answered questions, while conversing without much enthusiasm. 

“John!” Abe said, approaching him from behind. “Man, I have missed you!”

“Hey, Partner,” John drawled with a smile. “I’ve missed you, too. Hell, I’ve missed Salem.”

“I hear from Lexie that you plan on staying this time?” Abe inquired.

“I do,” John said. “I shouldn’t have left to begin with with.”

Isabella gripped his arm tighter, and interjected, “But, it gave us time to establish ourselves as a family, and focus on us.”

Abe watched John’s face, and saw his barely concealed grimace. “I’m sorry about Gertie. Lexie and I decided to have ourselves tested just in case we might be a match. We weren’t, but we both decided to put ourselves on the National Bone Marrow Registry anyway. I can’t imagine going through something of this magnitude with Johanna.”

“Speaking of Johanna,” John said with a smirk. “Doc said you named her after me?”

Abe laughed, “We sure did, buddy, and you’ve never even met her. She’s in the terrible four’s now!”

“Terrible four’s?” John asked with a laugh.

“Come on, John,” Abe said, pulling a photo from his wallet. “She’s a combination of myself and Lexie…the girl’s got moxie.”

John stared at the photo of his namesake, and felt emotion well up inside himself. He had missed so much, “She’s amazing, Abe.”

“I think she is,” Abe said, reaching for Lexie when she arrived at his side. “Lex, where were you hiding?”

“I was talking to Alice about the resident schedule for next week,” Lexie said sheepishly. “Hi, John.”

Abe laughed, pulling his wife closer, “Leave that woman alone! It’s a party, Lex.”

Lexie kissed Abe, smiling up at him as if he hung the moon, and said, “You’re right. I know…” Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a flash of red. Turning towards the entrance to the Penthouse Grille, she saw Marlena standing there. She looked nervous, apprehensive, and scared. “Oh! Abe, Marlena’s here! I have to speak with her!”

Abe, John, and Isabella looked towards the entrance, as Lexie sped away. Abe laughed at his wife’s excitability. He knew why Lexie was in such a hurry to speak with Marlena. Marlena was pregnant again. He said to John and Isabella, “Lexie and Marlena have been such a support to each other.”

“They seem close,” John murmured, trying to force himself not to stare. Marlena lit up the room, and all he could do was force himself to look away, and act as if it didn’t make him want to run to her. 

Abe said, “Caroline, Alice, and Lexie…they have rallied around Marlena in the last few years. After everything with Roman, and—”

John’s chest felt tight. Abe stopped talking awkwardly, and John knew why. Isabella was standing there, and talking about his love child with Marlena, talking about the struggles Marlena went through, wasn’t exactly kosher in front of his wife. John cleared his throat, “Maybe we can catch up over coffee next week?”

“Yeah…yeah, Buddy, that would be great,” Abe said, patting John on the back. “I’m going to go say hello to Marlena. Call me tomorrow, will you? Don’t be a stranger.”

“I will,” John said softly, glancing towards Marlena and Lexie huddled in the corner. Marlena had a huge smile on her face, and her hand was splayed softly over her abdomen. His gut clenched. His baby. He wanted to smile, but he looked away quickly, and glanced down at Isabella. 

Isabella didn’t think it was possible to hate someone more than she hated Marlena, but when she realized that Marlena was pregnant, her hatred for her increased exponentially. Glancing up at John, she realized he knew already. Isabella said quietly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed, and said, “I was planning to tell you tonight. After the party. I didn’t want you to be upset or angry, when you should be having fun.”

“Oh, but watching Marlena stand around with her hand lovingly caressing her belly in maternal affection wouldn’t upset me?” Isabella asked caustically. 

“I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t think it would come up,” he replied.

Caroline approached John, placing her hand on his arm to get his attention, “John?”

“Ma—Caroline,” John said acknowledging her. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. Shawn is fine,” she said. “I wanted to speak with you about something that Alice and I were trying to arrange. Do you have the time?” Caroline glanced at Isabella, and said, “Privately? If we could.”

Isabella was angry. Of course, Caroline wanted to speak with John privately, because it would be perfectly fine to cut her out of a conversation that pertained to Gertie or Marlena. Isabella said, with barely restrained contempt, “I see Vivian and Ivan. I’m going to say hello.”

John didn’t think he would make it through the night. He was wound so tight, he truly thought he might go mad. Watching Isabella storm off, he glanced over to where Marlena had been moments before, and saw that she was no longer there. He sighed, and then said, “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Alice and I were thinking that we might organize a bone marrow registry drive in Gertie’s honor. Maybe some good could come from this?” Caroline said. “It’s a long shot to find a match for her that way, but it would potentially help someone else later.”

John smiled, “Caroline, that’s—wow, that’s amazing. I think Doc would really like that as well.”

“She told me about the new baby.”

John smiled, “She did?”

“I hope this baby is a match for Gertie,” Caroline said softly. “I love that little girl so much.”

John smiled, thinking about his daughter, “She’s so easy to love, isn’t she?”

“I wish you hadn’t lost those two years with her, John.”

“I can’t get those back, and I’m still trying to reconcile with that. Isabella had no right to do what she did, but I understand why she did it,” John said. “I…have so much anger about it and I don’t know where to put it.”

“John, I love you. I have always loved you,” Caroline said. “If you need to talk, I’m willing to listen. You know that.”

“I do, and I appreciate it. I think a bone marrow drive is an amazing idea,” John said. “It makes me so happy to know, that even when I couldn’t be here to be a father to Gertie, she was surrounded by people who love her so much.”

Caroline wrapped her arms around John, hugging him tightly, “We all love her. I would do anything for her.”

“Thank you,” John whispered in Caroline’s ear.

He watched the woman who had been his mother for six years walk away to go find Alice. He never should have left Salem. He never should have allowed Isabella to convince him to leave. The more he thought about it, and the more he played it out in his mind, the more he was beginning to feel manipulated. He was beginning to feel like maybe Isabella’s health hadn’t been as precarious as she’d said it was five years ago. He was beginning to doubt Isabella’s reasoning for why she’d lied to Barbara and had Marlena’s calls screened. He’d been doubting for weeks that she’d told him everything. She became defensive and angry anytime he brought it up, or tried to question her about it. 

Isabella was irritated. Everyone in the room seemed to be a member of the I Love Marlena Fan Club, and she was the odd one out. She waited until Marlena and Lexie came back inside from the terrace. When she saw them come in, and Marlena’s eyes immediately went towards John, Isabella sauntered up beside him, and latched onto his arm again, purring, “Can we go home? It’s been so long since we’ve spent any real time together.”

John looked at her curiously. She’d barely been able to be in the same room with him since he came to Salem. “Isabella, I don’t know why—”

She stood up on her toes quickly, kissing John slowly, and whispered, “Please?”

“Izzy B, why are you doing this?” John asked her, stepping back a little.

“John, I love you, and you barely acknowledge me…you don’t make love to me anymore. You don’t touch me anymore. You don’t—”

“—Isabella, stop!” John said, pulling her to the side of the room. “I’m sorry you feel this way, but you aren’t making any sense right now. You haven’t wanted me near you.”

Isabella stepped closer, knowing that Marlena was watching, and she slid her hand up his chest slowly, “I’m sorry. I know that you’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and I was so hurt, so upset over your affair with Marlena…and then finding out about Gertie. You’re right. I’ve been distant. I’m sorry.”

Marlena couldn’t stand it anymore. The pain and the tightness in her chest were becoming so painful, she thought a sob might wrench itself free of her right where she stood. Isabella’s cell phone rang, and Marlena watched her reach for her phone, and head towards the terrace. She saw John continue to stand where he was with a bewildered expression. It didn’t matter. The image of Isabella kissing him, sliding her hand up his chest, and pressing herself against his body was too much. Before she started crying in front of everyone, Marlena fled to the bathroom.

A flash of red was all John saw, as Marlena disappeared around the corner towards the restroom, and then he heard Lexie’s voice, “You’re wife is a bitch, John.”

He looked at Lexie quickly, “What?”

“She did that on purpose. I watched her,” Lexie hissed.

“What did she do?”

Lexie was enraged, “She was watching for Marlena, and as soon as we came in from the terrance she kissed you. She was all over you…rubbing her hands on you, whispering…because she knew Marlena was watching.”

“Oh, G-d! Doc was…” John looked around frantically. “I have to talk to her. I have to explain!”

“Do you? Why would you need to, right? Isabella is your wife. Marlena’s heart is breaking, and your wife is a horrible person.”

John felt unsure, “Are you sure Isabella did it on purpose?”

Lexie stepped closer, and said in low tones, “John, I was a police officer before I was a doctor. Don’t forget that. You worked with me…you told me once that my instincts were amazing, and I’m telling you right now, Isabella wanted Marlena to see that little show, and she wanted to hurt her.”

He’d watched as Isabella went out on the terrace to take the phone call about Victor, so he knew where she was, and he’d seen Marlena flee to the restroom. Staring at Lexie intently, he said, “I have to talk to Doc. I have to explain.”

“Maybe you should do that,” Lexie said with thinly veiled contempt. “Marlena loves you, John. She loves you no matter what you do. You need to handle your wife.”

John headed towards the ladies room, and Lexie followed him. Whatever happened between him and Marlena, she wasn’t going to let their conversation be interrupted. 

John looked around, before he cracked the door to the women’s room, and checked if anyone was in there. He didn’t see anyone, but he could hear Marlena sobbing in the back. Slipping inside, he flicked the lock on the door, and he said, “Doc?”

The crying stopped, and all he heard was, “Oh, G-d! John…I can’t deal with this right now!”

He felt helpless. His footsteps echoed on the tile as he slowly made his way towards the back stall, “Doc…honey, can you talk to me?”

“No. No, you need to go,” she said. “Please. You shouldn’t be in here.”

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me,” he said softly. “Open the door.”

Outside the ladies room, Isabella approached, and Lexie stepped in front of her, “You don’t want to go in there.”

“I need to use the bathroom, and then I need to find my husband,” Isabella said. “I want to leave.”

“I don’t know where John is, but you can’t go in the bathroom. Marlena is in there, and she’s incredibly ill. You know early pregnancy. Nausea can strike at any moment, and I’m not about to let you in there when she’s dealing with that,” Lexie said. “Especially not after what you did to her the other day.”

Pregnancy. Isabella stared at Lexie for a moment, hatred coursing through her. What could she say? What could she do? Marlena was carrying John’s baby, and the whole of Salem was rallying around the women like she was the second coming of Mary. Turning on her heel, Isabella walked away, intent on finding John, and going home.

Chapter 28

“Doc, please? Open the door and let me talk to you,” he said softly, staring at the large wooden door in front of him. He could see her feet, clad in a pair of shiny black heels, but she wasn’t responding.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she whispered, wiping at her eyes furiously. “I have no right to be upset.”

He touched the door. He wished he could touch her. “Baby, you have every right to be upset. You do…I don’t know why Isabella did that. She hasn’t tried to come near me in weeks…Doc, please.”

John heard the latch on the bathroom stall click, and Marlena choked on another sob. He heard her say, “You’re not mine.”

He opened the door, stepping into the large handicapped stall, and closing the door behind him, “I am yours. I know that. You know that, and I’m trying to figure this out…I am.”

Marlena looked up at him hopefully, her eyes filled with questions, “Figure what out?”

“Us…figure us out,” he said, reaching for her. “It’s been a month since I’ve seen you, a month since I talked to you, and every day was as if I was slowly dying. I can’t live without you…I can’t. I’m—I’m leaving Isabella. I’m just trying to figure out the situation with Brady, before I tell her.”

Marlena started crying again, “I ruined your marriage the same way I ruined mine!”

“Doc, neither one of our marriages were going to work. Neither one, because I love you. You love me, and we can’t fucking stay away from each other,” John told her, backing her up against the wall. He ran his finger along her collarbone like a whisper across her skin. “You and I are inevitable, Baby.”

Marlena choked, unable to form words that could encompass the relief coursing through her. She touched his face, trailing her fingers over his jaw. She finally whispered, “We’re inevitable.”

“Don’t shut me out. That’s all I’m asking. I can’t leave Brady behind when I go, and I have a feeling that Isabella might try to take him,” John told her, leaning his forehead on hers. “Please don’t shut me out.”

Marlena whispered, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I won’t shut you out.”

“Isabella has been isolating Brady more and more. She’s fighting me on a pre-k program, and she rarely lets him leave the house. Plus, I have to go back to San Diego to shut down my office there,” John told her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I love you. A month without you was a month too long. I just need time. Can you give me some time?”

“Are you wanting custody of Brady?”

“I don’t know, but I won’t be happy with every other weekend…I know that,” he said. “I don’t want to separate, and then have her immediately try and file for full custody. I’m trying to see if I have grounds for partial or full custody.”

He wanted her. He was planning to be with her. Marlena kissed him softly, “I love you so much.”

John kissed her back, reaching for her hands, “I love you too, Baby.”

He laced their fingers together, and pushed her hands against the wall, “I need to tell you how fucking amazing you look in this dress, Doc. The neckline…the way it hugs your hips…the color. I had to force myself not to stare at you.”

Marlena’s voice was husky, “When I was getting dressed tonight…I hoped…I wanted you to want me. I wanted you to imagine taking this dress off of me.”

“Marlena, you walked in tonight, and I forgot where I was.”

“Isabella…she’s going to be looking for you,” Marlena whispered, remembering that they were in a bathroom stall at the Penthouse Grille. “Plus, we’re in the bathroom. Someone could walk in.”

John licked a line across her chest, and then lifted his head, “I locked the door.”

Marlena’s pulse jumped, and she stared at him wide-eyed, “You did?”

His finger slipped under the edge of her cap sleeve pushing it down over her shoulder. He tipped his head, gently biting her, and said, “I did.” She felt his fingers feel along her back for the zipper, and the sound of him pulling it down was a soft roar in the quiet room. 

John’s mouth on her neck was making it difficult to think. “We can’t…oh, G-d, that feels…we can’t do this in the bathroom,” she gasped, even while her brain told her that John fucking her against the bathroom wall was exactly what she wanted.” His hands cupped her shoulder, slowly pushing the cap sleeves off of her.

“Why?” he whispered. “Because I want to do this.” John’s eyes greedily watched his hands slid her dress over her hips. Folding it, John hung it over the back of the stall door, and gazed upon her. A red satin Demi bra, matching thong, and the black heels. Marlena leaned against the wall, an advertisement that practically screamed fuck me. 

His hands were everywhere. His palm pushed down her sternum, and over her abdomen. John’s hands squeezed her waist and her hips, while he rubbed his face in her neck breathing deeply. He licked and bit his way over the swell of her breasts, barely contains by the fabric of her bra. Marlena’s head fell back against the wall, and she sighed, “Oh.”

Threading his hands into her hair, his mouth took hers. John briefly thought, he should officially end things with Isabella before they did this, but he couldn’t stop. John’s tongue tasted the flavor of Marlena’s skin, and he groaned into her mouth. They weren’t going to stop. The weight of his body pushed into her, trying to get closer. As close as possible.

“John,” she cried softly against his lips. She saw her dress handing over the door to the bathroom stall, and she said, “We can’t…we can’t do this here.”

Jon sank to his knees, staring up at her, and said, while he pushed his hands up her legs, squeezing her flesh roughly, “We’re doing this.” He stared at her satin covered pussy, the fabric dark and wet between her legs, “You are so fucking gorgeous, Doc.”

Marlena nearly collapsed. John continued to stare up at her, while he pulled her panties over her rounded hips, putting them in his pocket. Lifting her leg, he laid it over his shoulder, while resting one palm on her belly to still her movement, and tipped his head forward licking slowly along her slit. He continued to lick her, long, slow, languid strokes. Every swipe of his tongue reaching deeper. Marlena was coming apart under his slow torture. Her arousal coated her thighs, and when his tongue finally flicked over her clit, her hips bucked toward his face, and she sighed, “Yes…again.”

He smiled against her moist flesh, “You like this, Baby. My mouth on you? Fuck. You taste so good.” His tongue flicked her clit again, and then his lips wrapped around her hard pink nub, and sucked at her gently. So gently, she thought she might die from the sensation.

Marlena’s legs started shaking. John sat back on his haunches, lifting her other leg from the floor, and laying it over his other shoulder. Marlena’s body rested against the wall, shuddering, as John’s mouth brought her closer and closer to the edge. Digging her fingernails into his scalp, Marlena whispered helplessly, “I’m coming…oh, oh, fuck…John! I’m coming…”

His cock was so hard, he hurt. Standing Marlena on wobbly feet, he rose quickly, tearing his necktie from himself, and unbuttoning his dress shirt. He unfastened his pants, pulling the length of his cock out with a groan. Turning Marlena to face the wall, he pushed his heated body against her back, and slid his cock between her legs, feeling her wetness, and heat. Back and forth, he slid between her swollen lips, while biting her neck, and groaning from sheer pleasure, “I could come just like this. Just sliding between your thighs, and the lips of your swollen pussy…fuck…spread your legs for me, Doc.” Marlena opened her legs, her heels scraping across the floor and John, stared at her naked backside, “Wider.” Smoothing his hands over her rounded flesh, his fingers dug into her hips, squeezing roughly, in his attempt to control himself.

She spread her legs wide, feeling the cool air of the room wash over her. John slid his length through her slick arousal again, and then rubbed his cock head against the crease of her ass. “John!” she cried out, feeling him bump against her anus. The slide felt so good. “Oh, G-d!”

He groaned low and deep, as he continued rub and push gently against her her most forbidden place, “I want to fuck your ass so fucking badly.”

Marlena nearly wept at the sensation, an ache growing deep inside her, “Oh!”

He continued to bump against her, feeling her body loosen and relax. Knowing that with a little more time, he could slide into her. Placing his mouth against her ear, he whispered darkly, “Soon, Baby. Very soon.”

She wanted it now, but she couldn’t speak. She was delirious with want, and when John’s chest leaned against her back, and he lifted one leg over the crook of his arm, Marlena bit her lip to keep from crying out as his cock slid into her with ease. She braced one hand on the top of the stall door, and cried out softly, “Move…G-d, John, please start moving.”

He bit her neck, “You’re mine, Doc. Mine.”

“Yes. Yes…yes,” she panted, trying to catch her breath.

He pushed even deeper inside her, the force shoving her satin covered breasts into the wall. His mouth latched onto the side of her neck, and he bit her again, unable to stop himself, while his hips pumped in and out of her. Roughly her wrenched the strap of her bra down, pulling one of her breasts free. His fingers began to torture her nipple, pulling and rolling it, and Marlena felt the build of another orgasm, “John! Oh, G-d! John…I’m—I’m coming again…”

“Come on my dick, Baby,” John whispered, feeling her flutter around his length. “Come on my dick.” His words triggered her orgasm, dirty words that made her body respond so quickly. Marlena’s body began contracting and pulling at him. Arousal seeped from deep inside her, soaking his length, and John was lost in a haze of pleasure. He dropped her leg, leaning flush against her, and continued to drive into her at a frenetic pace, unable to stop. His fingers clawed at her breast, squeezing her sensitive skin, and his mouth latched onto Marlena’s collarbone, sucking almost viciously to keep himself from roaring out his own climax, as his seed poured into her body.

After several long moments, John’s cock slid from her. He turned her to face him, staring into her gold flecked hazel eyes, and he whispered, “I can’t live without you.”

“I love you.”

“Give me some time…time to figure this out, but please…know this, Doc…it’s you. It has always, and will always, be you,” he said.

“Time,” she said softly. She was already aching at the thought of having him walk away from her tonight. “How much time?”

“A week—maybe two,” he said. “I already scheduled a meeting with a lawyer.”

Marlena felt tears stinging her eyes again, “You did?”

John wiped her cheeks, and kissed her gently, whispering against her lips, “The day we left our house by the river, I called Mickey.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Marlena came home an hour later, Sami was waiting on the couch with a book. Looking up at her mother, she said, “I wasn’t expecting you to stay that long. I was convinced that you’d be home within the hour.”

“It was nice to see my friends,” Marlena said softly, setting her purse by the door, and removing her coat. “What time did Gertie go down for bed?”

“Around 8:00,” Sami said, getting off of the couch, and watching Marlena closely. Something was off. “Did you see Dad?”

“I did.”

“Did you talk?”

Marlena smiled, “We did.”

“Mom?” Sami said stepping closer. Her eyes caught sight of a faint bruise on her mother’s neck, and a red mark tucked just under the edge of her bodice. “Mom! I said fuck you with his eyes! I didn’t mean to really fu—”

“—Samantha Gene Brady!”

Sami snorted with laughter, and mock shock, “Marlena Evans!”

Marlena’s face flushed crimson, and she said, “I’m going to bed!”

“I can’t believe you two! Seriously!” Sami said laughing even louder. “Never lecture me about anything related to sex, because you and Dad…wow…I’m going to bed.”

Marlena watched her daughter laugh again, and walk away, closing her bedroom door behind her. She smiled. She couldn’t help herself. Running her fingers down her neck gently, Marlena remembered John’s words. She would give him time, because he’d promised that he would be hers, and she knew that she had always been his.

The telephone rang, and Marlena answered it, “Hello?”

John’s husky voice came over the line, “I wanted to say goodnight.”

Chapter 29

John had met with Mickey again the morning after the party at the Penthouse Grille. He’d left feeling frustrated. Courts almost always gave custody to the mother, and John’s concern over Isabella’s growing isolation of Brady wasn’t grounds to say that he was in danger physically, or emotionally.  Isabella had now decided that Brady couldn’t have any contact with Gertie, Sami, or any of the Brady’s. When he’d leave to go see his daughter, Brady cried, begging John to bring him along. He couldn’t imagine being limited in his ability to see Brady, not when he’d spent nearly every day of the last four years with him. 

He walked down the hallway slowly. Brady was down for the night, asleep after just two short stories. Sighing, John went to see Victor, and welcome him home. Victor had been released from the hospital earlier in the day, but John hadn’t found out until he’d returned from spending some time with Gertie, and Sami. As soon as he’d walked in the door, he realized that Isabella was, again, angry with him. It had become almost normal to find out that he had disappointed her in some way. Dinner had been an awkward affair, and John had spent most of it interacting with Brady.

He knocked on Victor’s door softly, and waited until he heard Victor say softly, “Come in.”

Victor was a shell of who he had once been. Being ill for months had taken a toll on his body, leaving him frail, and emaciated. “Hey, Vic,” John said, entering the room slowly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you came home tonight. I was visiting with Sami and Gertie.”

“And Marlena?” Victor asked with genuine curiosity.

John was quiet for a moment, but seeing no malice in Victor’s eyes, he said, “Doc was at work.”

“Isabella mentioned you had an appointment with an oncologist about your daughter coming up,” Victor told him. “How is she?”

John sat down with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair, “The cancer is progressing faster than they thought it would, and none of us are matches. We’re hoping this new baby is, but there isn’t a guarantee. I feel like I lost so much time with Gertie, and Marlena is falling apart, afraid to lose Gertie, plus she’s worried about her pregnancy, because of her stress level.”

Victor took a deep breath, frustrated with Isabella, “I told Isabella, she needed to tell you about Gertie. I remember how I felt when I found out about Bo. I loved Caroline so much, and when she kept that from me it almost destroyed out friendship.” John was quiet, and Victor noticed that the color seemed to have drained from his face. Isabella had never told John she knew about Gertie, that much was obvious. Victor looked out the window for a moment, and then back to John, “Isabella never told you? Did she?”

The pain in his chest was crushing him. The betrayal he felt all encompassing. He shuddered, taking a slow breath, and said, barely above a whisper, “Sami told me. At the hospital my first night in Salem, in December. How long did Isabella know?” 

Victor paused. Telling John what he knew would be betraying his daughter, but he had told her to be honest. He had told her that it would all come down to this. Honesty. Victor found that he was unable to lie to John. The man looked as if he was barely holding himself together. Sighing deeply, Victor looked into John’s eyes, and he said, “She knew in September. I had initially heard a rumor when I came back to Salem after six months in Greece. I had a PI look into it, and sent the information to Isabella.”

“What information?” John ground out.

“Gertie’s birth certificate, some photos…”

John felt like any remaining trust he had in his wife was shattered in an instant, “She knew, and even when I asked her, she lied. She knew for three months before I found out. I asked her if she knew about my daughter and she swore she didn’t. She even said…she said she would never do that to me…” John choked on his emotion, “She said, she would never hurt me that way. Did she know about the affair? Before that?”

“She suspected,” Victor told him. “She said, she had evidence you’d been unfaithful, and after Marlena’s first phone call two months later—she was convinced you’d been unfaithful with Marlena. Isabella said you wouldn’t have cheated with anyone else.
“And she still had the calls blocked? Did it even occur to her, that Marlena might be pregnant? If she suspected the affair, surely she had to wonder if it was a possibility?”

“She never told me that, if she did. You have to understand, she was afraid of loosing you, John.”

“Victor, don’t. Don’t defend this. Please,” John said softly. “You know how it feels to be lied to about your own child. Don’t do me a disservice now, trying to protect her lies. I lost two years with my child because of Isabella!”

“I’m sorry. I really believed, that with Gertie in your life, Isabella had been honest with you,” Victor said. “I’d told her, if she wasn’t, her marriage might be over.”

John’s fists clenched, and unclenched at his sides, “She stole Marlena’s earrings when Marlena came home in 1991. Did she ever tell you that?”

“No.”

“She said she was jealous, and hurt. I think, she did it to hurt Marlena. I found them in her jewelry box in San Diego. Victor, it’s been one lie after another. She—she, I have to speak with her. Now.” John stood up quickly, intent on finding his wife.

Before he could leave the room, Victor said, “John, I don’t blame you for being angry. You’re right. If anyone understands the emotions going through you right now, it’s me. I know how this is going to end, and I warned her that it could happen, but she’s still my daughter, and I love her.”

“I loved her too, Vic, but she’s destroyed it. She’s completely destroyed it, with her lies,” John said, before he left the room.

He didn’t even knock when he entered Isabella’s room down the hall. He threw the door open so hard that it hit the wall with a loud thud. Isabella startled, and looked up quickly from a pile of papers in her hand, “John!” She began distractedly shoving papers and photos inside a large manila envelope.

Holding his hand out, John said, “Give it to me.”

“John,” she said. “It’s nothing important. Just some old papers.”

“Give it to me, Isabella,” John practically growled, stepping closer to her. “I already know, so give me the fucking papers. Now.” Stepping directly in front of her, he tore them from her hand, tossing the envelope to the floor. His eyes scanned over his daughters birth certificate, and a series of photos. Photos of Gertie from six months earlier. Photos of Marlena running errands with her daughter in tow. When he looked up again, he saw Isabella crying, but any sympathy he might have had, died in Victor’s room.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I don’t care,” he said. “I gave you a chance to tell me the truth, and you lied to my face. You knew about Gertie’s existence since September, and something in my gut, says you suspected something earlier. So, I am going to give you one final chance to tell me the truth…why did you have Barbara screen Marlena’s calls?”

“I didn’t want her bothering us—”

“—Don’t fucking lie to me, Isabella!”

She started crying even harder, barely able to get the words out, “You—you cheated on me. I knew it! You came back from San Francisco, and I—I saw your back! You were in the shower, and your back was covered in deep, red lines…the kind of marks only fingernails could make. I’m not stupid! I knew you cheated, and then two months later Marlena started calling. I put the pieces together. You wouldn’t cheat on me, I knew that…unless you were tempted by Marlena.”

John wanted to scream. He wanted to break things. He was overwhelmed with the futility of it all. “Two months after you knew I’d cheated. Two months, Isabella? Did you think she might be pregnant?” he asked her. Isabella didn’t answer. She stared at him blankly. “Fucking answer me! Did you suspect she was pregnant?”

“Of course, I did!” she screamed. “You sleep with her in San Francisco, and then two months later she starts calling? I’d have to be an idiot not to suspect that!”

“When did she call the first time?”

Isabella was silent.

John roared, “When did she call?”

“Brady was sick…Barbara was forwarding your calls to the house. I answered, and it was Marlena. I hung up on her.”

“And, instead of telling me, she’d called, you had Barbara screen her calls for two fucking years! You knew about Gertie’s existence for four months, and when I asked you—when I asked you, if you knew about my daughter, you lied to my face!” John roared. “You have spent the last two months taking every opportunity you could to berate me over my affair, when you’ve known about it for three years! You’ve known for three fucking years!”

Isabella stepped away from John. The rage lining his face scared her. The back of her knees hit the bed, and caused her to fall back. She cried, “We were supposed to have a new life together. After everything I did to get you away from her—”

His mind was reeling. It was all a lie. He had believed in her, and it had all been a lie. John stepped closer, almost hovering over her, “—and that’s just it isn’t it? That’s it! Everything you did to get me away from her? How long have you been manipulating me? Isolating me? Lying to me? Isabella…I can’t—I can’t do this anymore—”

“—What? No!” she cried, scrambling off of the bed, and grabbing his sleeve to prevent him from leaving. “John! No! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“It’s all been lies. Since Marlena returned, you’ve told me nothing but lies! I’m done,” he said, shaking her off. “I’ve been trying to make this marriage work because I promised and took vows before G-d, and the whole fucking time you’ve been lying to me!”

“I didn’t lie about my love for you!”

John started to leave the room, “But, I don’t love you anymore, and I certainly don’t trust you. I will never trust you again. I’m going to go stay at—”

“—do you think I’m stupid, John? You find out the truth, and you’ve got the perfect excuse to run back to that whore Marlena!”

“You lied to me, Isabella. You stole Marlena’s earrings, and then lied about it. You knew about the affair, and never told me. You told Barbara lies to get her to screen my calls. It wasn’t just the possibility of her being pregnant. Doc could have been calling about one of the kids—”

“—they aren’t your kids—”

“—shut up!” John yelled. “Shut up! They are, and they always will be, my kids! Marlena was calling to tell me, she was pregnant. I’m sorry that hurt you, but it didn’t give you the right to keep my child from me. You never have that right!”

John turned to leave, and Isabella screamed, “You’re divorcing me? Is that the plan?”

He turned back to her slowly, and said, “That’s the plan.” Walking out into the hallway, he saw Janet trying to be inconspicuous, and he said to her, “Please pack a bag for Brady. A few days at least.”

“Yes, Mr. Black,” Janet said, scurrying down the hall towards Brady’s room. 

“You can’t take Brady!” Isabella screamed, following him into the hallway.

“I will,” John told her, “and you will not make a scene in front of him. You won’t scare him, and you won’t lie to him.”

Isabella began to cry uncontrollably, “You can’t have him! He’s mine!”

John stepped closer to Isabella, and he said in a low menacing tone, “Go in your bedroom, Isabella. Now. I am taking Brady with me.”

“Please, John! Please! He needs to be with me!” she pulled at his clothing franticly. 

“Isabella!” Victor roared from the doorway of his bedroom. “Let him go.”

“Victor,” she said crying. “How can you let him do this to me?”

“You will see Brady again. John won’t keep him from you,” Victor told her. “But right now, you both need space, and you have no one to blame for this, but yourself.”

John nodded his head once, in Victor’s direction, and walked away, packing his own bag quickly. He looked up when Janet knocked on the door. Seeing her standing there with Brady’s bag in one hand, and his son in her other arm, John said, “Do you want to have an adventure with Daddy?”

Brady smiled broadly. His mama never let him go places. He asked John, “Mama said yes?”

John took Brady, swinging him up onto his shoulders, “Absolutely. We’re going to go to the hotel, and guess what?”

“What?” Brady asked excitedly.

“I’m going to let you jump on the bed, and eat chocolate cake for breakfast!”

“Oh! This is gonna be so much fun!” Brady screeched, linking his little hands under his fathers chin, and resting his face on top of John’s head. “Can we see Gertie tomorrow? ‘Cause I ain’t seen her lately.”

“Yes, Brady,” John said softly, walking down the stairs, carrying their bags. “You can see your sister tomorrow.”

Chapter 30

Marlena was surrounded by boxes the following morning, labeling things to let her friends know which boxes went in which room, when a knock sounded on her apartment door. She stood quickly, wiping her palms on her jeans, and pushing tendrils of hair that had fallen free of her ponytail, out of her face. “Hold on,” she called, stepping around a large box.

Sami burst from her bedroom, with Gertie close behind, “Are they here already? Everyone is early.”

“I’m not sure,” she said pulling her door open to find John standing there with a big grin, and Brady on his shoulders. “John!”

“Hey, pretty lady,” he drawled. “Brady and I thought you might need some help today.”

Marlena started to say, “We have people coming—”

“—We do!” Sami interjected. “We need help.”

“Baydee!” Gertie squealed, staring up at her brother perched high up.

Brady began to wiggle in an attempt to get off of John’s shoulders, “Hold on, slugger.” John reached behind him for his son, placing him on the floor, “You almost kicked me in the head.”

Brady wrapped his own small arms around Gertie lifting her, and said, “I missed you, and my Daddy brought me.”

Gertie look up at John, “Dabby!”

After Brady released her, she toddled over to John with her arms out. Lifting her up, John inhaled her sweet fragrance, “Hey there, Munchkin.”

She patted his face a few times, and then started squirming, “Baydee see Boos Coos?”

John looked at Sami, “What?”

“She has a new book. It’s Blues Clues,” Sami replied, deciphering her sisters baby speak.

Once Gertie was on the floor, she reached for Brady’s hand, pulling him towards her room, “Baydee see Boos Coos.”

Sami looked at John and Marlena, watching them as they eyed each other warily, and she said with a sigh, “I’m going to go finish packing Gertie’s room.”

Marlena looked at John, “Does Isabella know that you have Brady here?”

John approached her, standing back a few feet, “I left Isabella.”

“What?”

“Last night,” he told her softly, coming a little closer. 

“I—I thought it was going to be a couple weeks. I thought Mickey said—”

John’s closed the distance between them, and his hand cupped her jaw, “We need to talk, and we can do that while I help you pack and move, but first, kiss me.” Marlena’s eyes closed on a sigh, as John pulled her mouth to his, kissing her lips so gently it felt like a whisper. “I love you.”

Her eyes fluttered open, “I love you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

June 1996

Brady had just turned four, when Isabella agreed to joint custody in their divorce proceedings. She agreed when she was confronted with everything John had gathered of her machinations, going as far back as 1991, when Marlena returned to Salem. Isabella knew that if they went to court she would lose custody of her son completely. John hated the arrangement. He wanted his son with him all of the time, but he also knew that was unreasonable. Having Brady every other week, Sunday to Saturday was what he settled for. When he dropped Brady off with Isabella, the boy would cry, and plead to stay with him. John knew they were going to eventually end up back in court, because Isabella was already talking about having him tutored at home for school, and John was adamantly opposed to that. As it stood, she was still refusing to enroll him in a pre kindergarten program, and when he was with Isabella, Brady spent the majority of his time with Janet.

The bone marrow drive had garnered hundreds of new registrants, and Alice deemed it a huge success. While there were no matching donors for Gertie, Dr. Welch and Dr. Steinmann, Gertie’s oncologist, were looking over the report they were sent from the lab. Grace looked at Dr. Steinmann, “These people…they aren’t bone marrow matches, but they are linked paternally. That can’t be right…”

Dr. Steinmann was confused, “Why not?”

“Well, John doesn’t know his family. He’s been suffering from amnesia since 1985. If these people are paternal links to Gertie, then we’ve accidentally found his family,” Dr. Welch said.

“Shit. Is that good…or bad?”

“I don’t know how John’s going to feel about it, but for us that’s very good.”

“Because more links, means more opportunities to find a relational match,” he murmured with a smile. 

“Now, I just have to find a way to speak with John, as well as maintain HIPAA,” Grace said.

“How can you do that?”

“Robert,” Grace said. “You haven’t lived in Salem long, so you don’t know the whole story, but trust me. I’m going to speak with John and Marlena, and there are ways around HIPAA.”

“Grace…this meeting…” Dr. Steinmann’s voice trailed off.

“I know,” she said softly, gathering her papers. “Let’s go get this over with, and see where we can go from here.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena’s sob wrenched from her chest. John pulled her into his arms, “Baby. Baby, c’mon, we’re going to figure this out.”

“How? How?” she cried. “Gertie’s already halfway through the chemo cycle, and what happens when she’s done?” Her hands held her rounded abdomen, and she looked up at him, “This baby isn’t a match, John. So what do we do?”

“We don’t give up. We never give up,” he whispered. Looking at Dr. Welch, John asked, “So, Dr. Liu can’t help us?”

“No. Dr. Liu’s process would only work if the baby was a match, but this baby isn’t a match,” she replied. “But there’s something else we need to discuss. The bone marrow drive.”

Dr. Steinmann slid a report across the table towards John, “In the people who registered, and were tested, we found additional familial matches to your daughter…from the paternal side.”

Marlena sat up quickly, hurriedly wiping her cheeks, and pulling the paper towards her, “That’s not possible. John—John doesn’t know his family.”

“Doc,” John said slowly. “…I don’t understand what he’s saying.”

She looked at him, and said, “There are people related to Gertie. Not through my line…but from yours.”

“Here in Salem?”

She scanned the report, and she glanced back up at him with hope in her eyes, whispering, “Yes.”

Grace touched Marlena’s arm gently, “Dr. Steinmann and I noticed there were five familial matches for Gertie, a grandmother, possibly a great-grandmother, and possibly two aunts, and an uncle.”

“With your permission, we were hoping to reach out, possibly have other family members tested as potential matches. This is a whole branch that we knew nothing about. What you see on the report would indicate John’s mother, his grandmother, and half-siblings,” Dr. Steinmann said. 

John was speechless. Marlena touched his face, “John, do you understand what’s happened?”

“I gave up, Doc. I’m so happy with you, and the kids. I haven’t thought about my past in quite awhile,” he told her. “This is overwhelming.” He knew what Dr. Welch and Dr. Steinmann were saying. Finding his family, meant more possibilities for Gertie.

“John,” Dr. Welch said carefully. “I need your permission to contact them. I need your permission to share Gertie’s story and—”

“—because of HIPAA,” Marlena said. She looked at John, “They need your permission because of federal regulation on privacy and patients medical records.”

“My permission?”

“To speak to them. Your mother, your grandmother.”

“My mother?” he was lost, confused, and overwhelmed, but all he could think about was saving Gertie. “Yes. Yes, you’ve got my permission. Tell them. You can say my name, you can tell them about Gertie.”

Marlena smiled, taking a deep breath, maybe it wasn’t as hopeless as it had seemed a few minutes earlier, “When can you meet with her?”

Grace smiled, “I was hoping John would agree, because I already scheduled a meeting.”

Marlena sighed, “Grace, I love you!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Welch watched as the woman sat in the chair in front of her desk. She seemed uncomfortable, and confused about why she was there, so Grace decided to get straight to the point, “I have a patient. She has cancer. You had your blood tested when we the hospital hosted a bone marrow registry drive. You were tested as a possible bone marrow transplant for Gertrude Black. Do you remember that?”

“I do. Was I a match?”

“Not exactly,” Grace said softly. “But on a report sent to us by the lab, you came up as a familial relationship with the child through the paternal line.”

“What?”

“The child’s father. During the testing—”

“—yes. Yes, I heard you. I think, I know what you’re saying, but that can’t be.”

“We could run the tests again, but there were five people who were tested that showed connection to Gertie through the paternal line. Gertie’s father is quite shaken by the news. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with John Black’s history?”

“I am,” the woman said softly. “I’m—I’m not certain that’s possible.”

Grace asked her softly, “Were your children tested?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“They also came up as familial matches to Gertie, as well as a potential great-grandmother?”

The woman gasped, her hand covering her mouth, as her mind whirled. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be, and yet she sat there, and was being told that it was possible.

Grace continued speaking, “He was very shaken by the news, as you can imagine. I didn’t give him your name, or any personal information, although he said, I could share his with you. He’s desperate to save his daughter.”

“I know Gertie. I know John, and you’re telling me, I’m John’s mother?”

“Yes, and as I said, finding out was purely accidental. If you know him, then you’re aware that his past is a complete mystery,” Dr. Welch said.

“I had a child. I was young. Nineteen years old. The doctor, and my parents, they must have lied to me. They said the baby died!” The woman started crying, and she whispered, looking at Grace with tear filled eyes, “They said the baby was dead.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful. Gertie’s parents had hoped that by having another child it might be a match, but we’ve just found out that the child isn’t a match. Locating you, and any other possible link to Gertie, well…it opens up options. Gertie’s parents are becoming desperate.”

“I’m in shock…I just—I just need a moment, I think. He doesn’t know? I mean, he doesn’t know it’s me?”

“No…I explained, and Marlena, she understood about confidentiality. The thing is, you being John’s mother, that opens up a whole new group of people that could be tested as potential matches for Gertie,” Grace told her. “John’s siblings might have children, cousins for Gertie. It’s important that we find someone who could save the child’s life.”

A knock sounded on Dr. Welch’s door, and she went to answer it, finding John Black standing there. “Hey, Dr. Welch, I was wondering if I might be able to ask you a couple questions about the chemotherapy for Gertie, and what she might need if we wanted to possibly do it from home. I could hire a nurse, if I needed to—”

Grace turned to the woman in the chair, and she said, “Can I let him in?”

Tears were streaming down her face, and she was still trying to process the treachery of her family, but she whispered, “Yes.”

“You’re sure?” Dr. Welch asked her.

“Yes…I’m absolutely sure,” she said.

“John, I have—I have your mother here, and she’d like you to come in,” Dr. Welch told him gently. “She’s agreed to meet with you, and she’s agreed to help. She’s in shock right now, but she’s willing.”

John’s stomach flipped, and he felt his palms go sweaty. He was alone. Doc wasn’t here to be the bedrock he needed to get through this, but still he said in a husky emotion laden voice, “Sure.” Stepping inside the room, he stared at the woman sitting in the chair, and he said, “I’m so confused right now. Ma—Caroline…I—I need to sit down.”

“Please don’t fall over, John. Take a seat,” Grace said, ushering John further into the office.

He continued to look at Caroline helplessly, and finally he said, “Ma? What is going on?”

“It’s a long story,” Caroline told him.

“I’ve got time,” he replied, trying to force the tightness in his chest back down. Trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to burst forth. 

“It’s a period of my life I don’t discuss, but before I married Shawn, before I even met Shawn, I had a boyfriend. He went off to fight in the Korean War. Within weeks of his deployment, I found out I was pregnant. My doctor, and my parents…they said the baby died…all these years I thought my baby had died,” Caroline said with tears, staring up at John. “You know, Alice mentioned once, years ago, that you looked like Tommy. You were laughing at something, and she and I had a moment where we remembered him. A quick moment where your smile and the quirk of your eyebrow was so much like Tommy it struck us both simultaneously.”

“Tommy Horton?” John whispered. “Tommy Horton is my father?”

“Tommy died in the war, and then my parents told me, they told me, my baby had died, too. It destroyed me. I wanted to die. When I met Shawn, I was broken. I was so broken, and he put me back together. I had Roman two years later,” Caroline said. “I never told Alice about the baby…oh my G-d! I never told Alice! I thought telling her would add to her pain.”

“That means Alice and Tom are—”

“—your grandparents.”

“Ma,” John said, standing up from the chair he sat in, and dropping to his knees in front of her, while he stared at her in awe. He couldn’t believe was was happening, “How is this—how is this even possible?”

Caroline touched her sons face, “I tell the children, I tell Roman, anyone who will listen…I’ve said it ever since the ISA said you weren’t Roman, I’ve said, it didn’t matter. None of it mattered, because you are the son of my heart, and now I know why,” Caroline said, tears still streaming down her face. “You’re my son. My baby.”

Grace said, “Do you have any other children Caroline…”

“Roman,” Caroline said. Then she said, “Oh! Addie was Tommy’s twin sister, and Hope’s mother. Shawn D! Shawn D is related to Gertie through Bo and through Hope,” Caroline said.

Chapter 31

Alice was sitting on the couch knitting, and the house had been especially quiet since Bo had taken Shawn D to Greece for a few weeks. A knock sounded on the door, and Alice went to answer it, expecting Caroline to be standing on the other side. Caroline had called earlier, sounding flustered, and overwhelmed, asking if she could stop by. Alice could still remember when Caroline was barely nineteen and she was dating Tommy. Thinking about Tommy always brought a twinge of sadness to Alice’s soul. Her son’s life had been cut much too short by the ravages of a war that never should have happened. Caroline had begged him not to go, but Alice knew, once Tommy had signed the papers, he wasn’t coming back. She’d felt it in her soul. “Hello, Caroline,” she said as she answered the door.

Caroline smiled at Alice, and replied, “Hello. There was something I needed to speak with you about, and it really can’t wait. I’m only sorry it’s taken me forty four years to do this.”

Alice ushered Caroline to the couch, following closely behind her, “Would you like anything to drink, dear?”

Caroline said, sitting down on the flower covered sofa, “No thank you. I feel like I just need to say this before I lose my nerve. Alice, when Tommy left for Korea…I found out a month later, that I was pregnant. I was pregnant, and my parents were deeply ashamed, and angry. Do you remember? That’s summer they sent me to live with my dad’s brother in Muskogee?”

“Pregnant? Caroline!” Alice said, feeling both surprised and hurt.

“It’s so complicated, Alice. The shame…it was 1952! I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want to bring you more pain. The doctor, my parents, even my Aunt, they all told me that the baby died. What good would telling you be? Especially, after you and Tom had both recently found out about Tommy being killed in action. You know, when I came back to Salem, I was a mess. You thought it was because I’d lost Tommy, but it was so much more for me, because not only had I lost Tommy, but my I’d also lost my only connection to him,” Caroline said. “MY baby was gone, too.”

Alice knew what a child out of wedlock would have done to Caroline in 1952. She would have been branded by the people of Salem, not physically, of course, but socially, and emotionally. The child too, would have grown up in a time when being labeled a bastard was commonplace for a child born with no father. But if the child had died, there was no reason for Caroline to be telling her this now. Logically, Alice knew that there had to be a reason she was suddenly in her home, telling her this story, but she couldn’t grasp at it. “Caroline, I’m missing something here. Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I was just called to the hospital by a doctor there. She told me that she’d received a report from the lab, following the bone marrow drive…I came up as a familial match for Gertie,” Caroline said softly.

Alice sat there, quietly, remembering her time with Gertie that morning, and she blurted, “The baby…the baby you thought was dead…it’s John.” Alice fixed her eyes on Caroline, “It is, isn’t it? It’s John.”

Caroline replied softly, “Yes. John’s my son, my son with Tommy.”

Alice got excited, in that way she did where her face lit up, and her hands started moving, “Caroline! I was telling Marlena a while back, that Gertie reminded me of Tommy. Her obsession with bugs, but sometimes, although I’ve never mentioned this to Marlena, sometimes she makes certain facial expressions, or gestures, and I think of Tommy. I always brushed it off! Do you remember that time John was laughing over Sami’s antics, and we both thought he looked like Tommy?”

“I told John about that earlier,” Caroline said with a soft smile. “I’ve always felt so close to him, and when Marlena said he was Roman, the connection was instant, and it was so easy to believe.”

Alice thought about when Tom had hired John to work security at the hospital, all the way back in 1985. She thought about when John had lost Marlena during the explosion set by Orpheus. So many interactions over the last eleven years, and there was a certain rightness to finding out that John was Tommy’s son. John was her grandson. Alice said, “That makes Gertie a Horton as well…and Shawn D needs to be tested.”

Caroline looked at Alice for a moment, “I made the same connection.”

“Addie was Tommy’s twin, and Addie was Hope’s mother. You are Bo’s mother, so Shawn D has your DNA, as well as Horton DNA. Without a sibling match, Shawn D could be our closest genetic match for Gertie,” Alice said. “It’s a small chance, but the percentage is larger than a half sibling, or even a parent.”

“But Bo and Shawn D are in Greece!” Caroline said. “One of us will have to catch him, and fill him in when he calls home. I still have to go talk to Shawn…he knew about the baby. I told him about that when we started dating…but, today’s news? I need to speak with him about today. We need to discuss telling the rest of the family.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sami stared at the guy across the room in her biology class. He was tall, with dark hair, and muscular. He certainly wasn’t the type of person she would normally approach, since she generally veered towards smaller and nerdier, but her lab partner was absent, and it seemed, so was his. When Sami had first decided to major in biology, she did it because she liked it, but had no idea what she was going to do with it, once she finished. Since Gertie had gotten sick, Sami was seriously thinking about the medical field, , specifically oncology, although she refused to mention that to her mother, because she feared that Marlena would latch on to the idea and never let it go.

Approaching him slowly, Sami stopped short when he looked up, and she fell into the most beautiful pair of brown eyes. Sami mentally slapped herself. He was probably a big dumb jock taking this class for a prerequisite. When he smiled, Sami almost turned around, and fled in the other direction, but she didn’t. Finally arriving at his table, she said in a choked voice, “Labs are easier with a partner. Less work. So, I was wondering—”

“—sure,” he interrupted her, gathering up his things so he could move to her table. He was in shock. The blonde girl with the baby blue eyes was talking to him, and he wasn’t about to let this opportunity go. He’d been watching her since last semester. He’d even taken another biology class, when he’d heard that was her major. She was beautiful, that much was obvious, but what he was originally drawn to was her effervescence, and her sense of humor. The girl had no filter at all, and her intelligence made it all the more entertaining. He wasn’t a biology major, but he’d consider becoming one for her.

“The lab today is on ventilation and heart rate,” Sami said, when they’d reached her lab table. “It should be fairly straight forward, and then we can get out of here quickly.” She handed him the paper.

“You seem to be in a hurry,” he said. 

“My little sister is sick. Cancer. So, I like to spend as much time with her as I can. Plus my little brother is a hoot. The kid is obsessed with The Magic School Bus, and honestly, who doesn’t like The Magic School Bus?” Sami said with a shrug. Looking at him intently, she said, “Yesterday’s episode was Ms. Frizzle taking the kids on a deep dive into the ocean. They should have had those types of cartoons when I was a kid. I just got stuck with Rainbow Bright and She-Ra. Those were more likely to rot my brain than teach me anything.”

He started digging through his disorganized backpack for a pencil, saying, “Ah yes, I watched a lot of Transformers and G.I. Joe.”

“Ugh, my brother Eric used to steal my Barbies, so his stupid G.I Joe would have a girlfriend to rescue from Cobra Commander,” Sami said with a snort. “What’s your name anyway?”

“Austin.”
“You look older than the typical college kid.”

“I got a late start,” he said with a laugh, enjoying her bluntness. “You’re Sami right?”

“Yes…So? How old are you?”

“Twenty-six, and you?”

“Almost twenty,” she said.

“So you’re nineteen,” Austin told her, feeling himself deflate a little, because she was so young.

“You know,” she said in frustration, placing her hands on her hips, and swinging her hair back over her shoulder. “Once you pass the halfway point in a year, almost twenty is an appropriate response.”

Austin laughed again, and glanced down at the paper, “If you’re in a hurry to get out of here, I guess we should get started.”

“Yeah,” Sami said, laying out the materials they needed for the lab. “So, Late Start…what exactly got you starting college so late?”

Austin shrugged, not willing to put all of his horrible childhood on the table, and said, “I was boxing for awhile. Saving up money. Now I’m here.”

“Boxing?” Sami asked with genuine curiosity. “You know concussions are pretty serious. How much money could you really earn, that would make it worth it?”

“I had a sister to take care of, and I was good at it. It put food on the table, and it’s paying for college.”

“I’m sorry,” Sami said immediately, and blushing slightly. “I-I…sometimes, I don’t think, before things just fly out of my mouth…”

Austin stared at her, lost for a moment in her eyes, and finally said, “The lab?”

“Yeah…yeah, the lab. Okay first question, what are two activities in which you participate that might increase heart rate?”

Staring at Sami, Austin could think of a few activities that might get his heart rate up, but the girl was not even twenty. He was seven years older than her. Clearing his throat, he said, “Um, boxing, and running.”

“Okay,” she said with a smirk. She knew what he wanted to say. His pause had been lengthy, and Sami had to stop herself from laughing out loud. “Next question, what are two activities in which you participate that might decrease your heart rate?”

“Sleeping, and uh, cuddling?”

“Cuddling? I think given the right set of circumstances, that might increase a person’s heart rate,” Sami said, with the most beautiful smirk Austin had ever seen.

He felt himself blush, changing his answer quickly, “…floating in a sensory deprivation tank?”

Sami looked at him for a moment, “Have you done that? That sounds really cool.”

“No, I haven’t, but it sounds relaxing.”

“It really does.” Sami finished scribbling furiously on the lab sheet, and then looked up at Austin, brushing the curtain of her hair back over her shoulder quickly. A waft of perfume drifted his way, and he took a deep breath. Reaching for Austin’s wrist, Sami said, “Now, I need to take your pulse to get your resting heart rate.” Looking at him curiously, she said, “Is it usually this fast?”

Trying to act nonchalant, as if her proximity didn’t effect him, Austin replied, “I don’t exactly take my pulse daily.” 

“98 beats per minute. That’s kinda high,” Sami said writing on the lab sheet. “Maybe you need to see a doctor?”

“I’m fine,” Austin said with a rough voice. “What’s next?”

“The respiration questions. First one, what are two activities that might increase your rate of respiration?”

“Good Lord! Who in the hell came up with these questions?” Austin asked her.

Sami laughed loudly at Austins obvious frustration. “I’m not sure, but in a moment you’re going to be lifting one of these stools over your head about twenty times, so we can check your pulse again,” Sami said scanning the lab sheet.

“Really?” Austin asked her taking the lab sheet from her, and realizing that she had turned him into the lab ‘subject’. “Hmmm…okay. Um, swimming and um…um…tennis?”

“Swimming and tennis…yeah, those are definitely respiration increasing activities, although I could think of a few other things that would definitely be more fun,” Sami said with a wink.

Austin laughed so hard he snorted, “Can you?” Sami was a flirt, and he loved it. Leaning closer he asked her, “And what might those activities be?”

Turning her head, Sami realized how close he was, and she whispered, “That is not a conversation for a college biology classroom, Late Start.”

Austin threw his head back, and laughed. This girl was amazing.

Chapter 32

Marlena and Carrie sat on a bench at the pier watching the barges on the river float by. Carrie said softly, “I can’t believe John is my uncle. It’s so surreal, especially since a part of me still considers him to be my dad.”

“He still thinks of you like a daughter, Carrie. That hasn’t changed, you know,” Marlena said.

“He left. He left, and I was stuck in a house with an angry man who tried to run the house as if it was a communist dictatorship,” Carrie told her.

“Carrie, that’s not fair. Roman—”

“—don’t defend him, Marlena. Please don’t. After everything he’s done to you, he’s the last person you should be defending. His rigid, unbending nature ran off all of his children. Sami and Eric went to Colorado, and I’ve only just returned from Paris.”

“You’re right. I know, you’re right. I-I…I feel sadness for him,” Marlena said. “Stefano stole seven years of his life, and when he came home, we’d all replaced him. We thought John was Roman. That must have hurt him.”

“I get that. I do, but it’s been more than four years. He has had enough time to deal with this. He won’t go to therapy, and he still tries to run my life. He doesn’t bother Sami,” Carrie said sadly. “He leaves her alone.”

“Sami is…Sami,” Marlena said with a smile. “She is able to set very firm boundaries with your father. I think, in some ways, she’s so similar to Roman, that he fears her.”

“Maybe I should have stayed away, instead of coming back to this mess,” Carrie murmured.

“I know this is hard, but…I hope you stay,” Marlena said, hugging her tightly. “I’m glad you decided to come home for your internship. You can get to know Gertie, and Eric is home now, too. Talk to John. Please? He loves you so.”

“But he’s not her father, I am,” Roman said with venom stepping onto the pier. Looking at Carrie, Roman tells her, “Funny how I find out, you’re back in town, from Ma.”

Carrie stared at her father for a moment, feeling dread pool in the pit of her stomach, “The last time we spoke didn’t go very well.”

“Roman, maybe you should talk to Carrie when you aren’t so angry,” Marlena interjected, standing up slowly.

Roman glanced quickly at her growing belly with disgust. “Always the therapist, aren’t you Marlena?” Roman said snidely. “I hear you’re having another bastard baby with my brother.”

Marlena felt his vitriol course through her body, and she shuddered from it. It was a baby, an innocent life, and he was speaking about it with such hatred. Carrie looked at Marlena with a soft smile, ignoring her father completely, “You’re pregnant? It’s dark out here and I didn’t notice.”

Shooting Roman a dirty look, Marlena said, “Yes…well, I was getting ready to tell you.” Turning to Roman, Marlena said gently, “Roman, I understand your anger. What Stefano did to you, what he did to all of us, was unfair, but—”

“—I don’t need any of your psycho babble, Doc. Everyone is fucking happy that John really is family now, right? Ma went, and had a baby, she never told anyone about, and low and behold, John Black is pulled back into the family fold!” Roman said. “Kim, Bo, Kayla…fuck even Pop, all happy as clams about it, but I will never accept him. Never. My fucking kids love him more than me!”

“If you just tried to connect with us instead of ruling over us, maybe we could love you!” Carrie shouted in rage, as she stood from the bench. “We are not possessions!”

Marlena tried to get him to see reason, “Roman, you were a stranger. They didn’t know you, and then John left them so quickly…”

“John left them! That’s right! He walked away, and they blamed me for it,” Roman raged. “I didn’t make him leave. I didn’t make him walk out on them, but still they blamed me for it!”

“You were mean to him! I saw the way you treated him. The way you threw accusations, and irrational fear at him!” Carrie cried. “You told lies about him, and-and-and you tried to make us scared of him! Of course, we blamed you when he left!”

John heard the shouting from the street. He’d been on his way to the fish market, and taken a detour along the river. He picked up his pace to get to the pier. When he arrived he saw Marlena standing next to Carrie, and Carrie shouting at Roman. Stepping forward, John said softly, almost quietly, “Carrie…Punkin’, look at me.”

She turned around, relief on her face, and she whispered, “Daddy!”

“Come on,” John said, holding his hand out. “Let’s go.”

Carrie took John’s hand, and Marlena took hers. John looked at Roman, and he said, “The way you treat the people in your life determines whether or not they respect you. You can’t demand respect. You can’t demand love.”

“Fuck you, John! Don’t stand there, acting sanctimonious when you abandoned all of them,” Roman spat.

“I did, and I will be sorry for that, for the rest of my life. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to them. But the difference between you and me, Roman, is that I can admit that I was wrong. I can admit that I made a mistake,” John told him.

Roman watched John walk away with his family. Marlena should be his wife, but he’d divorced her in a fit of stubborn rage. Carrie was his daughter, but this was the first time she’d spoken to him in nearly a year. Sami refused to speak with him most of the time, and Eric had been on his side…until he wasn’t. Once Eric had come home, and spoken with Marlena, and then John, he’d left him behind as well. John’s calm words had a ring of truth to them, but it was quickly drowned out by the sound of rage Roman felt roaring in his ears.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bo sat across from his mother and the man he considered to be his true father, and stared at them in shock, “You had a baby? Before you met Pop? Who was the father? Where’s the baby?”

Caroline was tired, this was her fifth telling of the story, “The father was Tommy Horton. We were both young, Bo. I was barely nineteen. So young, and he went off to fight in Korea. I-I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. The midwife, and my aunt…they said the baby had died. There was no need to tell anyone, because the baby hadn’t survived. At least that’s what I thought.”

“The baby lived. You wouldn’t be telling me any of this, if there wasn’t a reason, Ma,” Bo said, watching her eyes dart down quickly, and then rise to meet his face.

“You’re right. Bo, you’ve always been smart. I…” Looking at Shawn, Caroline amended, “We recently found out that my son, my son is here in Salem.”

Bo stared at his mother. There was more. There had to be more. “Ma, stop with the dramatic pauses, and just lay it all out. Everything.”

Caroline sighed deeply, “It’s John. John is my son. Alice and I organized a bone marrow registry drive, and when the lab report was sent to Gertie’s doctors…well you, Kayla, Kim, Alice, and I all came up as familial matches for Gertie, through the paternal line, meaning John.”

“John is my brother?” 

“He’s my son, Bo. And yes, he’s your brother. There’s no match yet for Gertie—”

“What about the new baby?” Bo asked.

“No, but we were hoping to have Shawn D tested,” Caroline said slowly, waiting for Bo to register what she was asking.

“Shawn D is even less likely to be a match, Ma,” Bo said quickly.

“Maybe not, Bo,” Shawn said. “You see with Shawn D, Caroline’s his grandma…and because of Hope, he’s got Horton blood, too. Addie was his grandmother, and she was Tommy’s twin sister…Shawn D might be our best chance.”

Bo sat there, dumfounded for a moment, finally saying, “Everyone’s been tested? No one is a match?”

“Everyone but Roman,” Shawn said. 

Bo could see the frustration in Shawn’s face, but he said nothing further. Roman had refused testing. The simple act cemented Bo’s feelings for his older brother in an instant. He didn’t care how angry or bitter a person was, to refuse to save the life of a child, if it was possible, in Bo’s mind that was heinous.

“So, John…John is my brother?”

“Yes,” Caroline said with a small, content smile. A part of her soul that broke the day John was born, the part that thought her baby had died, that part was reborn the day John walked into Dr. Welch’s office. Bo could see the joy in her face, joy that she hadn’t lost her first born, and joy that it was John. Caroline had called John the son of her heart since Roman’s return, and now Bo understood that there was a much deeper meaning to that. 

“Should I take Shawn D to get tested tomorrow?” Bo asked her.

“That would be best, son,” Shawn told him. “Little Gertie is a little more than halfway through her first chemo cycle.”

“What if they can’t find one, Pop?”

“They’re going to have to finish the chemo anyway, and hope that she can survive it. It’d be best, though, if they were able to immediately follow it with a transplant of healthy cells,” Caroline said.

“Gertie’s my niece. She’s Shawn D’s cousin. He adores her,” Bo said. “We’ll go to the hospital in the morning.” Bo stood up, and started to leave, when Roman walked in, stopping short when he saw Bo.

“So they brought you home for this bullshit, huh?” Roman asked him.

“Bullshit? Roman, that baby could die,” Bo said. “She’s family. She’s your niece, and you refused to get tested? What if you’re the match for her? Did you ever think about that?”

Roman stared at Bo, and Bo saw something in his brothers eyes that was more than simple anger. Bo saw hatred. Roman said, “The kid should never have been born, if you ask me. Maybe this is G-d’s way of taking care of his mistake—”

Roman didn’t even finish his sentence, before Bo punched him so solidly in his jaw that he fell to the floor. “You’re an asshole, Roman! A fucking asshole!” Bo shouted standing over him. “I don’t care what the hell Stefano did to you, that’s no fucking excuse for what you’ve become. You keep hanging onto those seven years, and using them as a crutch to be a dick to the world, and you’re going to lose everything…including your family.”

Roman sat on the floor of the fish market, and watched as his father shook his head in shame, and his mother cried softly. Bo stared at him once more in disgust, and then, looking at his parents said, “I’ll take Shawn D to the hospital in the morning. I love you both.”

Shawn watched Bo leave, and was proud of him. Bo was right, Roman was more than just angry and bitter, he had a hatred in him towards John that seemed to be ready to bubble over, and that worried him. “Roman, no matter what ye be feeling, Gertie, she’s innocent in all of it. Ye anger and ye spite, directing that at a child…Roman, that’s wrong.”

Without responding, Roman picked himself up off of the floor, glaring at his father, and he walked out. Caroline wiped the tears from her face, and said to her husband, “I’m afraid for him, Shawn. We’re losing him. You know we’re losing him.”

“He’s a danger, Caroline. As much as I hate to say, he’s a danger. He’s unpredictable, and I’m afraid, he’s going to hurt someone.”

“Shawn! How can you say that?” Caroline replied in shock.

“Ye know I’m right,” Shawn said. “I’m going to speak with John, because I feel something. Roman’s eyes, Caroline…there was something there.”

Chapter 33

Marlena and John arrived at the fish market at Shawn and Caroline’s request. They walked towards the entrance, their fingers laced together, enjoying the balmy summer air. Just before they entered, John pulled Marlena back towards him, burying his face in her neck, and breathing deeply. She looked up at him laughing, “John!”

“Before we go inside,” he said in a husky voice, “there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Oh, yeah?” she asked him, staring up at him with besotted eyes.

“I was wracking my brain, trying to come up with the most romantic way to do this, but our dear Samantha Gene told me, ‘stop being a dunderhead and wasting time’,” John murmured, pulling a small velvet box out of his pocket. 

“She did?” Marlena asked, feeling her heart begin to race. She didn’t care how John asked her, as long as he asked her. Sami was right. 

“So, I was wondering if you would do me the honor of becoming my wife…again? I was wondering if you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with me? Because, Baby, I want to spend the rest of my life life with you,” he said softly.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Absolutely, unequivocally, yes.”

John slid the diamond ring on Marlena’s left hand, and he bent to kiss her, whispering over her lips, “I have never loved anyone the way I love you.”

Marlena’s lips were barely touching his, and she whispered back, “Because we’re inevitable, right?”

“That’s a fact,” he said, before his lips took her. His arms pulled her closer, and he could feel the rounded swell of their baby against his body. Resting his forehead on Marlena’s he asked her, “So when do you want to do this?”

“As soon as possible,” she sighed, touching his face gently. 

“I suppose then you’ll have to let me move into the house.”

Marlena smiled, “John, you know why we had to wait.”

“I know…and I understood it, but I can’t wait anymore. I want to marry you, and I want to live in the same house with my family,” he told her. “I mean, the Salem Inn is nice and everything, but I miss waking up next to you.”

“Can we get married before the baby comes?”

“Doc, I will marry you tomorrow, if you’ll let me.”

“I love you, John,” she whispered.

“I love you, too, pretty lady.”

They entered the fish market a few moments later. Walking in they found Shawn behind the counter wrapping up an order, and Caroline wiping the tables, just prior to closing. Caroline looked up, and seeing John and Marlena, she smiled, “John! Marlena! What a surprise.”

“Shawn asked us to come by,” Marlena said.

“He did?” Caroline turned to Shawn, as the customer left with their order.

Shawn wiped his hands on his apron, and then removed it. He walked towards the door to the fish market, switching the sign to closed, and flipped the lock, “I told ye, Caroline, we need to talk about Roman.” He approached Marlena, with his arms out, hugging her tightly, “How’s that baby doin’?”

Marlena felt apprehension. If Shawn was worried enough to call them over to discuss Roman, it must be serious. “The baby is fine Shawn. We found out it’s a boy.”

“A boy! I will take all the grandchildren ye want to give me,” Shawn said with a laugh. “Hey, Johnny.”

John smiled, and asked, “Has Roman done something, Shawn?” He took Marlena’s hand, and led her over to one of the small tables. 

“No. No, nothing yet, but he was by here yesterday. He was mighty angry, yelling at Bo, and it worried me. There was somtin’ in his eyes. It-it wadn’t right, John. He’s my boy, and I love him, but I can’t be sure what he be thinkin’,” Shawn said, sitting across from them.

John was quiet for a moment, before he said, “I’ve been thinking about security for Marlena.”

Marlena was surprised, “John! You never mentioned that.”

“I’ve been…concerned,” he said. “About Roman, he’s been behaving so erratically, and since I’ve moved my main office to Salem, we’ve been hiring people, and it’s occurred to me a few times, especially after the interaction I had with him on the pier with Eric. Then there’s Isabella. The last time I picked up Brady, she was…concerning.”

“What happened on the pier with Roman?” Caroline asked.

“He said some things…” John said, glancing at Marlena quickly. “It doesn’t matter what he said, but the look in his eyes, you’re right, Shawn, it makes me uncomfortable.”

Marlena wasn’t going to allow him to keep things from her, “John, what did he say?”

Sighing deeply, John said, “The same things he was saying to you, and Carrie on the pier, about Gertie, and about the new baby.”

Shawn pushed forward, “John, I think this idea of your’s, about security for Marlena. I-I think that might be somtin’ you want to settle on. He-he said somtin’ last night to Bo, and it’s got me worried. I’m thinkin’ his mind ain’t right. I tried to speak to Abe about it, but Abe says there’s nothing to be done, if it’s just words.”

John wasn’t able to shake the growing sense of fear he felt, simply from the look on Shawn’s face. “Shawn,” John said. “What exactly did he say that’s got you so worried?”

Shawn looked at Marlena, and then his wife. Caroline nodded, letting him know that he needed to warn them, “He said, and remember, he was angry when he said it, but he said, that if Gertie died, maybe that would be G-d taking care of a mistake he made.”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena gasped. A sense of sickness, and fear settled low in her belly.

John sat there in silence, because he knew, if he said anything right then, it would be full of expletives. He stood up from the table quickly, bumping it as he moved away, and Marlena immediately followed him, “John?”

“Doc, I just need to calm down real quick,” he said, unlocking the door to the fish market, and stepping outside. Marlena followed him, and he groaned out loud. “Marlena, go back inside.”

“John,” she said, touching his arm softly. “Please, don’t hide yourself from me. I don’t need to be protected.” She rested her face on his arm, and smoothed her hand softly over his back. “I won’t fight you. If you think I need security, I won’t fight you.”

“What kind of fucking asshole says some shit like that?” he said turning to face her. Fury etched every line of his face, and she knew that his protective nature was in overdrive.

“He’s hurting, John. He-he needs help,” she said softly.

“I don’t have fucking time to wait for him to get his head out of his ass!” John roared.

“Now, you sound like Sami,” Marlena replied with a soft smile.

“Doc! This is serious!” he said. “I can’t take a risk with you or the children. I can’t do it. I’ve got to worry about Roman, and Isabella is so angry towards you, she’s irrational.”

“I know. You’re right, it is concerning—”

“Concerning? Concerning, Doc?” he said incredulously. “This is more than concerning. I handle this type of stuff for a living. The apathy he’s displaying is more than concerning. Isabella refusing to accept responsibility for anything she’s done is more than concerning.”

Marlena was silent for a moment. It was hard for her to believe that the man she had once pledged to love forever, had become the man they were currently discussing. Roman had always been hot headed, and quick to anger. He had been quick to judge, and form opinions about things, but he had never been cruel. What he had said about Gertie, that crossed a line. John was right. She had to look at it from a professional perspective, and take her personal feelings out of it. Isabella’s anger and vitriol…Marlena almost expected that.

“What do you want to do?” she asked him softly. “You’re right. I have to keep perspective, and the way Roman has been acting…it’s more than concerning. It seems like you’re also worried about Isabella. Do you think I need security? Because if you do, I won’t fight you on it. I promise.”

John remembered another time, years ago, when he’d first met Marlena. She had stubbornly refused his protection, and he smiled at her. Touching her face softly, and watching the lamplight play off of the gold flecks in her eyes, John told himself again, that she was the most precious thing in his life, aside from his children. He wouldn’t lose her, because he’d underestimated Roman Brady or Isabella. “I-I would be more comfortable if you had someone with you, when I can’t be,” he said, brushing tendrils of hair off of her forehead. “That include’s when you’re at work.”

“I know,” she said with a smile. “I said, I won’t fight you on this, and I won’t.”

John pulled her body close, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, and buried his face in her hair breathing deeply. “I couldn’t bear for something to happen to you, and Roman’s frame of mind…his thinking…it’s skewed. It’s as if his mind has cracked, and I don’t know if that’s a result of what Stefano did to him or not. But I won’t take a risk with you. I won’t. And then…there’s Isabella. The last time I picked up Brady, she was so angry. I had to ask her at least three separate times to stop speaking about you in front of Brady. I worry about how her anger is going to affect him as he grows up.”

She could feel his body vibrating as he held her, and she tipped her head back to stare into his eyes, “I appreciate you, John. I love you, and you are my best friend. I trust you more than anyone else in the world. If you feel like Roman or Isabella might be unstable, or they might pose a threat to myself or to out family, I will trust you on that, and I will do whatever you suggests to keep them safe.”

“G-d, Doc, I love you,” he said, leaning down, and kissing her softly. His lips moved over hers in a sensual dance. “I love you, and I won’t risk losing you. I can’t.” He held her face in his hands, and rested his forehead on hers. Taking a deep breath, he looked around nervously, “You know what? Let’s get you back inside, Baby. I don’t feel comfortable out here in the open.”

Just as Marlena turned to re-enter the fish market, a shot rang out. A searing pain wrenched her right arm, and she screamed. John wrapped his arm around her, lifting her from the ground and spun her body towards the door trying to get it open. Another shot rang out, ripping through his chest, splattering Marlena’s chest with his blood, and entering Marlena’s left shoulder. She screamed again, in pain, in fear, and John stared at her helplessly, as he collapsed onto the ground. She felt his hands pulling and grabbing at her dress as he fell, trying to stay upright. Marlena’s scream echoed into the foggy summer night, as she slumped to the ground beside him, screaming his name over and over again, trying to get him to wake up. She barely heard Shawn yelling for Caroline to call for an ambulance, and she stared at the blood covering her own hands as she applied pressure to John’s chest. Watching the blood seep between her fingers, she forgot her own injuries. All of the talk, all of the discussion about keeping her safe, and there she was on the ground begging G-d to save John’s life.

“John! John, you can’t leave me!” she cried. “Oh, G-d! John, you can’t leave me!” Her own pain was forgotten, her only thought was the man on the ground in front of her.

Chapter 34

The emergency room was in chaos when the ambulance came in. Mike Horton entered the ambulance bay to see Marlena sitting atop the stretcher doing CPR, while they wheeled in the victim, which he knew to be John Black. She straddled his body, her rounded belly evident, in the light summer dress she wore. She was whispering demands for him to stay with her, and as they neared, Mike could hear her more clearly, “You promised! John, you fucking promised me! You said you would never leave us again!” Sweat poured over her face, and her hair was plastered to her neck and forehead. Still she completed another set of thirty chest compressions followed by a rescue breath. Mike noticed that she had a gunshot wound on her upper right arm, and blood was pouring from her shoulder on the left side. “Don’t do this to me!” Marlena shouted after she checked to see if he was breathing. She started chest compressions again, screaming, “Don’t fucking do this to me, John!”

The ER had received word that the defibrillator in the ambulance had failed, and Marlena had refused to allow anyone else to care for John. 

“Marlena,” Mike said gently, touching her leg closest to him. “Marlena, you can stop. We’ve got it from here.”

She looked at him, her eyes swollen with tears. Throwing herself towards him, Mike wrapped his arms around her, lifting her from the gurney, and placed her carefully on the floor. Marlena cried out, “Mike! Mike! You’ve got to save him. Please! I can’t lose him!” 

Her anguish tore at his heart, “You know I will do everything I can. You know that.” He watched her legs give out, and was barely able to catch her before she hit the floor. The exhaustion was evident. She had been doing CPR for at least twenty minutes continuously. “I need another gurney!” Mike shouted. “And find Dr. Wesley!”

Mike left Marlena with a nurse, and rushed over to John. He was hooked up to the defibrillator already, and the nurse handed him the paddles. Mike yelled, “Everybody clear!” The paddles shocked John’s body, causing it to lurch up. The line on the monitor was still flat. “Fuck! Fuck!” Mike yelled. “All clear!” Another shock ravaged John’s unconscious form. Mike stared at the screen, and saw that John’s heart was finally beating. “Prep for surgery! Now!”

Marlena was prone on her gurney in complete shock. She couldn’t move. She could barely breath. The lights were blinding, the noise was excruciating, and every muscle in her body trembled, and throbbed from overuse. She looked up in a daze, when Craig Wesley’s face appeared above her, “Dr. Evans? Where are you injured?”

“I think so…I can’t remember,” she whispered, barely audible, and in a choked voice. Her mind was awash in memories. A loud crack of a gunshot. Pain. John trying to get her out of the way. Another gunshot. Screams…her screams. Caroline’s screams.

“Shit! Nurse! We have a superficial gunshot wound on the right arm, but another gunshot wound to the shoulder. Left side. No exit wound. We have to get her into surgery,” Craig said.

“They just took the other patient into surgery,” she said.

“I don’t care! Find me a room!” he roared. The nurse ran off to find an open surgical room, and another immediately replaced her to begin prepping Marlena.

Caroline rushed into the emergency room, heading straight for Marlena, “Marlena!”

Marlena’s fingers scrabbled to catch hold of Caroline, digging into the fabric of her shirt once she was within range, “Caroline…Caroline!” Marlena finally felt safe enough to let go, and she began to sob uncontrollably. Great, wracking sobs, that shook her whole body.

“Mike’s taken him to surgery. I saw them in the hall. He’s in surgery,” Caroline said, holding Marlena close to her, and brushing her sweaty hair from her face. Glancing over Marlena’s body, Caroline noticed she was covered in blood, both her own, and John’s. She would need a change of clothes.

“Dr. Evans?” the nurse said softly, touching Marlena’s arm gently to get her attention. “Dr. Evans, your blood pressure is very high, 180/118. Can you please try, and calm down? You have to calm down. If you can’t, we might have to delay surgery.”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena cried, looking at Caroline frantically. Her head rolled on her pillow, as she said with panic, “It’s too high. It’s too high!”

“Marlena!” Caroline said firmly, grabbing Marlena’s face in her hands. “Look at me!”

Marlena’s hazel eyes met Caroline’s, and she sobbed again. A heaving, gasping sound that she couldn’t seem to stop. A gasp of life, deep in her soul. Caroline glanced up at Dr. Wesley, and said, “She’s pregnant. Is there something you can give her to calm her down, that won’t hurt the pregnancy?” Craig nodded once quickly towards the nurse, and Caroline said to Marlena, “Marlena, if you don’t calm down, they’re going to have to give you something. There’s no other choice! Your blood pressure is very high, and it could hurt the baby!”

“I’m trying!” Marlena said, on another gasping sob, trying to slow her breathing, but she couldn’t. Uncontrollable gasps were wracking her frame. “I-I can’t stop!”

Craig leaned towards Marlena, and he said, “I’m giving you a very small dose of valium. You know why. It’s going to calm you, just enough for you to pull yourself back together. You know, because of your pregnancy, I can’t give you any more. We’re going to have to take you into surgery, but before we can do that, you have to be stable, or you could lose this baby. Do you understand?”

Marlena continued to gasp for air, as he injected her, and she whispered, “I know. I know. I know.”

Caroline sighed in relief when she saw Marlena’s body begin to visibly relax. Smoothing her hands over Marlena’s face, she cooed, “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

Marlena continued to cry softly, and mumbled, “You can’t promise me that. No one can promise me that.”

“John won’t leave you. I know that much,” Caroline murmured. “That’s what will keep him alive.”

Marlena had just felt herself relaxing, when she remembered the children. Tensing up, she cried, “Sami!”

“Shhh,” Caroline said softly. “Shawn has already called Sami. She’s home with the children. All of them are safe.”

“They’re safe? Even Brady?” 

“They are, even Brady.”

“Caroline,” Abe said, rushing into the emergency room. “I came as soon as the call came through.”

Marlena’s fingers latched onto Abe’s sleeve, and she whispered, “Roman. Where’s Roman?”

“Roman? Why?” he asked her.

“Someone shot John and Marlena,” Caroline said softly. “As much as I would hate to think that Roman would shoot his own brother, we just don’t know. He’s been so angry, Abe.”

“No,” Abe said haltingly, in surprise. “You don’t really think that Roman would do something like this?”

“We don’t know, Abe! Someone shot John!” Marlena said, her voice rising. “They shot me, and then they shot John!”

“Marlena,” Caroline said softly, smoothing her hand over Marlena’s sweaty face. “Your blood pressure. Think about the baby!”

Marlena took a deep breath, “Oh, G-d! You’re right. You’re right…we’re-we’re going to be okay. For John…and he’s-he’s going to be okay for us…”

“That’s right,” Caroline said softly. “That’s exactly right.” She watched as Marlena’s eyes began to close, and she whispered, “Go to sleep. Rest. When you wake up, you’ll be out of surgery. I’ll watch my son for both of us.”

Caroline reached for Abe’s hand, pulling him away from where Marlena slept, as the nurse beside her began to set up an IV line. “We were at the fish market, discussing some concerns we had about Roman. Abe, he’s been unpredictable. Angry. He’s saying things that are scaring us. We had just decided that Marlena might need security, when—”

“—security! Caroline! Roman would never—”

“—we don’t know that, Abe! Yesterday he told Bo—he said, if Gertie died, that would be G-d’s way of taking care of a mistake,” Caroline whispered. “But it’s not just Roman. John has been concerned about Isabella’s hostility towards Marlena.”

“Who was shot first?”

“Shawn and I weren’t outside! We heard two shots, but we don’t know anything, besides the fact that they were both hit.”

Abe stared at her, unwilling to admit that Roman might threaten a child. But Abe knew, that if Roman was angry enough, he could say something like that. He wasn’t sure that Roman would actually hurt someone, though. “John’s in surgery now?”

“Yes,” Caroline told him. She saw the nurse and an orderly wheeling Marlena off to surgery as well. “They’re both in surgery.”

“The bullet will need to be entered into evidence. We have forensics at the scene now trying to piece it all together. Do have security footage?”

“Shawn had a camera put in last year after some vandalism,” Caroline said. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“If the bullets came from Roman’s service revolver, we’ll know soon enough,” Abe said. “I’m going to go and-and…I’ll go find him. Hopefully he has an alibi.”

“Mrs. Brady, Commander Carver, we need to get Marlena into surgery now,” Craig said. “The bullet in her shoulder can’t stay there.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sami had just gotten Brady and Belle to sleep when there was a knock at the door. She had invited Austin over to study for the upcoming biology test, but he’d cancelled, saying he had to work. She wasn’t sure what type of job he had where he’d be working so late. Hoping he’d changed his mind, she wrenched the door open hurriedly, surprised to see Isabella standing there. “Isabella?” Sami said in surprise.

“Hi, Sami,” Isabella said with a shaky smile. “I was wondering…if I might pick up Brady?”

“Brady? Isabella its nearly 10 pm, he’s asleep,” Sami said. “Most four year olds are asleep at this hour. Not to mention, Brady’s with Dad this week.”

“Its almost ten?” she repeated, as if she had no idea of the time. “Could you maybe wake him?”

“No,” Sami said. “I can’t wake him. He’s a child, and he’s asleep. Come back tomorrow.” She tried to close the door, but Isabella started crying hysterically, reaching out to grab at the door.

“Please!” she begged. “John took my baby away from me! I miss him. I want to see him!”

“Dad won’t refuse to allow you to see Brady, Isabella, but he will have a problem with you being here this late,” Sami said, refusing to say anything about John or Marlena. “Come back at a normal time, or better yet, call my Dad, and arrange a time to see Brady.”

“John won’t be able to—”

“—Isabella?” Shawn said, coming up the long walkway towards the house. “What ye be doing here this late for?”

Isabella was caught off guard, and turned abruptly to face Shawn, “I, um, I was hoping to pickup Brady.”

Shawn eyed her suspiciously, “Why would ye be thinkin’ to pickup Brady this late? The child is four years old, and it’s nearly 10:00 pm.”

“I-I didn’t realize the time,” she said lamely.

Still not convinced, Shawn said, “Well, I’m thinkin’ ye need to go, and call John about arranging a time to see Brady.”

Isabella opened her mouth, as if she would say something, but closed it quickly. Finally she said, “You’re right. Of course, you’re right. I’ll, um, I’ll call John…tomorrow.”

Shawn watched her leave, and a nagging feeling of foreboding settled inside him. Looking at Sami, he said, “There’s to be a security guard arriving soon.”

“A guard? The police don’t know who shot Daddy? Do they?” Sami said, feeling panic rise inside her.

“They don’t, but they be working on it. John and your mother are in surgery. Your grandmother is there waiting. Abe…he’s looking for your father, but we don’t know yet that it was him. It could be that someone else did it,” Shawn said, stepping inside the house, and attempting to calm her.

“Who else? Who else would want to hurt him?”

“Might of been your mom they was aiming for. We just don’t know, until they review the security footage from the fish market,” Shawn replied.

“Mom? Why would someone want to hurt—oh!” Sami stopped speaking, and Shawn watched her closely.

“What be going round in that head of yours, Samatha Brady?”

“Isabella…” she whispered.

Shawn knew what Sami was implying, and Isabella’s appearance on John’s doorstep, late at night, brought suspicion of its own. “I’ll be calling Abe right now,” he told her. “Can you get your mother a change of clothes?”

Sami started walking towards her parents bedroom, and said softly, “Yes.”

The doorbell rang just as Shawn hung up with Abe. He answered it, to find a tall young man standing there, “Ye be the security we’re expecting?”

“Yes, sir,” he replied, showing Shawn his badge.

“Well, Austin Reed, come in so I can tell ye what’s what.”

Austin stepped into the house, glancing around quickly, his eyes landing on Sami as she rounded the corner, “Grandpa, I just threw in some of mom’s granny panties and a sports bra. It’s not like she needs the fancy stuff, plus some jeans, and a t-shirt with a sweater, in case she’s cold, and a nightgown—Austin?”

“Sami?” Austin said in surprise.

Chapter 35

Abe sat in his office two hours later watching the footage of John and Marlena’s shooting outside the fish market. Roman was missing, they knew that much. No one had seen him since his argument with Bo two days earlier. The camera angle was perfect; however the lighting, and the fog was not helping at all. Abe had watched the footage, over and over again, and the shape he saw, didn’t seem tall enough to be Roman. 

Officer Clarke opens the door hurriedly, saying, “I’ve got it! The guys down in evidence cleaned it up as best they could, and they think it was a woman. Bauman says to pause the footage at about halfway, because that’s the clearest look at the face on the whole video.”

Abe and Clarke watched the footage again, and right around the halfway mark, Abe switched it to slow motion. As soon as a face appeared he paused the video. His jaw dropped, and he said in a whisper, “Oh, my G-d…it can’t be…”

“Commander Carver that—that looks like…”

Abe looked at Officer Clarke, “We need to have someone locate Isabella Black, and bring her in for questioning. Now.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Caroline sat next to Marlena in her hospital room as she slept on the bed. She had come out of recovery three hours earlier, and had been dozing off and on since then. John had been in surgery for hours, and they had periodically gotten updates from the surgical nurse assisting Mike Horton. The bullet had entered his chest, and nicked an artery, exiting out the front of his chest, where they think it entered Marlena. Had it been a direct shot through the heart, John would have died. 

The nurses and Caroline had cleaned Marlena up as best they could. She would be allowed to shower and change her clothes the next day. The dress she had been wearing was taken for evidence.

Caroline looked up from her book when she heard a soft knock at the door. When Mike Horton peeked in with a slight smile, Caroline almost wept with joy. Reaching over, she gently roused Marlena, saying, “Mike is here…”

Glancing up at Mike, Marlena could tell from his small smile that John was tentatively safe. “It’s finished?” she asked in a hoarse voice.

“It is. He’s critical. I’m not going to lie to you, and we almost lost him twice on the operating table, but he’s a fighter, Marlena. The bullet nicked an artery, and he lost a lot of blood. We had to give him four blood transfusions just to get his blood pressure back up. The artery has been repaired, and he’s being moved to the ICU as we speak,” Mike told her.

Marlena tried to sit up, forgetting she was injured, and promptly fell back. Caroline stood up, “Marlena, the baby!”

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” she said softly. “I just forgot I was hurt too. That’s all. Mike? When can I see him?”

Mike knew Marlena would drive him crazy until he allowed her to see John, “Right now…since you’re on staff here…I can let you see him, but Marlena, you need to know, he’s in a medically induced coma right now. We can’t know how his brain is affected until he wakes…I know you gave him continuous CPR, but there’s still a chance—”

“—that’s fine. I can—I can handle that. I know it’s necessary right now. All that matters is that he’s alive,” she said emphatically. Turning to Caroline, Marlena said excitedly, “He’s alive. He stayed!” Wrapping her arms around her midriff, she whispered more to herself, “He stayed for us. I know he did…because he promised.”

Mike smiled, exhaustion lining his face, “Let me get you a wheelchair. I’m giving you ten minutes, and then back to bed.”

“Thank you, Mike! Thank you,” Marlena said softly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Austin was sitting in a chair in the living room of his employer’s home in the early morning hours when a small girl came down the stairs. She looked at Austin, tilting her head to the side, studying him, and said, “Who you?”

He smiled, “I’m Austin.”

“You wike Boos Coos?” she wanted to know. “I watch Boos Coos,” she said pointing towards the television set with the VCR.

“Can you show me which one it is?” he asked her gently, surprised that his job now entailed babysitting, but Sami was still completely asleep on the couch beside them.

Gertie walked to the television, and pointed to a VHS tape with a cartoon dog and a lanky guy in a green striped shirt, saying, “Boos Coos.”

Reading the title, Austin finally understood what the girl was saying, “Blues Clues?”

She nodded her head vigorously, and shoved her thumb back into her mouth. Austin started the video, keeping the volume relatively low, and was surprised when the girl climbed onto his lap, settling in for the duration. He remembered that Sami had mentioned her sister had cancer. The child in his lap seemed to have no idea that she was ill. Looking down at her he said, “So what’s your name, kid?”

Popping her thumb out of her mouth she mumbled, “Gertie.”

“Gertie? That’s a pretty name,” Austin said softly. He studied her round, swollen, cheeks, and her thinning hair, and even though he had never met her before that moment, he hurt for what he family must be going through.

Smiling at him, she pointed at the television with a huge smile, and said, “Boo wive wif Steve.” Austin almost laughed out loud when she stuck her thumb back in her mouth, and snuggled into him. He’d never spent any amount of time with kids. He had no experience with children, but this child was endearing. Glancing over at Sami, he saw her sitting up from the couch, and wiping tears from her face.

“Sami?” he whispered in concern.

“I love her so much,” Sami said softly. “And when she’s like this…it’s so hard to believe that she’s sick.” As Gertie’s chemotherapy progressed the medications caused swelling in her body, and she was beginning to loose her hair. Marlena and Sami had discussed the day before whether or not to simply cut the hair off, but for Sami, saying goodbye to Gertie’s dark curls, was heartbreaking. 

Gertie looked up at him, smiling, and pulled her thumb out of her mouth to say, “Dey check the mail.”

This time, Austin did laugh, and looked at Sami mouthing, “What am I watching?”

Sami wiped her eyes again, laughing. She stood up and stretched her back, “I have to go check on my little brother.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Isabella sat handcuffed to the chair in Abe’s office looking listless. He pulled a chair up beside her, and he said, “Isabella, I know they read you your rights. Did you understand them?”

“Yes,” she said softly.

Abe was concerned. She seemed defeated, as if she had no fight left in her, “Do you want to call Victor, or Bo? Before I start to question you, you have the right to have an attorney here.”

“I don’t want, or need an attorney, Abe.”

He waited for a moment, and then finally nodded his head at the stenographer. “I need you to tell me where you were last night at approximately 8:32 pm.”

“Abe, is this really necessary?”

“I have to start from the beginning Isabella, you should be familiar enough with police work to know that.”

She sighed, “I was outside the fish market.”

“Why were you there?”

“I’d followed John and Marlena there. I was upset. Every time he has Brady I spend the whole week angry and upset. Brady is my son, and John takes him to Marlena’s house. I don’t want my son near her, but he does it anyway. Brady is my son! He’s not her son! I don’t want her near him!”

“So you followed them there?”

Isabella looked up with a small smile, “When Brady is with John, I follow them almost everywhere. How else can I make sure my son is safe?”

Abe shivered, “Did you watch them enter the fish market?”

“Yes,” she sneered in disgust. “They make me sick. I watched John propose to her. He told her that he’d never loved anyone the way he loved her. What was I? Didn’t he love me?”

“Why did you stay? After they went inside, why did you stay outside?” Abe asked her.

“I was going to leave. I even started to leave,” she said. “But then Roman came. He hates Marlena as much as I do. He hates her, but he loves her. I just hate her.”

“Roman was there? Did he say anything?”

Isabella looked away, glancing at her fingernails, “Not this time, but we’ve run into each other a few times, usually on the pier late at night when we can’t sleep.”

Abe didn’t like where this was going, “What do the two of you discuss?”

“I talk about how much I hate John’s fucking home wrecking whore Marlena, and Roman talks about how much he hates her, and how much he hates himself, for still loving her,” Isabella tells Abe. “That’s all we talk about. I was planning to walk away, when John and Marlena went into the fish market, but just as I turned around, Roman came out of the shadows. He said nothing. I didn’t speak either. He pulled a gun from his pocket, and handed it to me, walking away.”

“He handed you a gun, and he walked away? Isabella, that doesn’t make any sense!”

She stared straight into Abe’s eyes and she said, “I was raised by Ernesto Toscano. I know what revenge is…and I had mine! It may not make sense to you, but I knew what he wanted. It was the same thing I wanted. Handing me the gun was him begging me to do, and I wanted Marlena dead so much…I smiled. I fucking smiled when I felt the weight if it in my hand.”

Abe watched her. She was still smiling, “So you interpreted Roman handing you the gun, as him asking you to kill Marlena?”
“Of course,” she said. “He would never be able to do it on his own. He loved her too much, but he knew I could do it.”

Abe glanced over at the stenographer, the man’s face face etched in shock. Isabella was implicating Roman. They were still waiting on the forensics report on the gun, and the bullets, but if it was Roman’s service revolver, they would have to arrest him. “After Roman handed you the gun—”

“He walked away,” Isabella whispered. “John and Marlena came outside a few minutes later. She kept touching him. Caressing his arm. Whispering to him. I hated her and I wanted her dead. I wanted her out of my son’s life. I wanted her out of John’s life!”

“Did you shoot her and John?”

Isabella started crying, showing the first emotion since she had been brought in, “I shot at her, but she moved. John grabbed her, trying to pull her out of the way, and I tried to shoot her again. I had the shot, but he moved faster than I anticipated…I shot John. I didn’t want to shoot John! That wasn’t my intention! You have to believe me…I would never hurt him. Never. He’s Brady’s father…it was Marlena! That fucking bitch Marlena! She needed to die!”

“But you intended to murder Marlena?” Abe asked her in shock.

Isabella stared him in the eyes for a long moment, and she said with sarcasm, “That’s a fact.”

Chapter 36

The Last Week of June 1996

Marlena had changed into a clean pair of scrubs, donned a cover for her hair, and covered her face with two surgical masks. She wasn’t taking any risks when it came to John’s care, and she had washed her hands up to her elbows three times before she felt she could enter his room, and then, she’d put gloves on, as well. He was incredibly susceptible to germs, and would be for a couple weeks, as his body used all of its extraneous energy to heal itself. Walking into his room, she took a deep breath, steadying herself for the sight of his body, prone on the hospital bed. 

The monitors beeped and the hiss of the ventilator filled the room. Even though she knew what to expect, every time she saw him it was a shock all over again. The pallor of his skin, the rings under his eyes, and the general stillness of his body was difficult to handle. Marlena approached his bed, reaching for the tie on his hospital gown, which was on backwards for access to his incision. It was a long incision. Mike had warned her a week ago, that he’d had to open John’s whole chest. They hadn’t had time for MRI’s and CT scans to locate the damage. It didn’t matter. John could live with a scar, as long as he was alive. She traced her fingers over the incision gently, pleased to see the edges were healing the way they should, and felt gentle tears fall from her eyes. 

Sitting beside him, she said softly, “I love you. I was so worried, but you know, Caroline said, you wouldn’t go. She said, you would fight to stay here, and you did. You’re still fighting. I know you are, and I want you to keep fighting. Can you do that for me? Keep fighting?”

Her fingers laced through his limp ones, and she whispered, “Brady is living at the house with Sami, Gertie, and I. Mickey was able to get a temporary court order for custody, while you heal…”

Marlena didn’t say anything about Roman or Isabella. She didn’t tell John that Isabella admitted she’d tried to end her life. She didn’t mention Roman’s involvement or the fact that he was missing. She knew that there were studies that showed people could sometimes hear while they were in a coma. She didn’t want to say anything that might hinder John’s progress. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mike handed the medical report from John’s surgery over to Abe saying, “John’s a fighter, Abe, but we nearly lost him three times during surgery, and twice more in the last week. The damage was extensive. Not just the nicked artery, but the muscle in his chest, and the bullet cracked a rib, so I had to retrieve all the minute, loose pieces, that might be in there.”

Abe felt sick. The growing pile of evidence, combined with Isabella’s confession, were damning. Not only for her, but for Roman, if they could locate him. The bullet found outside the fish market, and the bullet retrieved from Marlena were both from a .45 caliber handgun, the same type of gun that was issued to officers in the Salem Police Department. It was still possible that it wasn’t Roman’s revolver, but it was doubtful. Isabella refused to say what she’d done with the gun. Finding Roman was proving harder to do than he had anticipated. He had officers watching the fish market, and Roman’s house, but so far, there had been no sign of him. 

“This case is really taking it out of me,” Abe said softly, glancing over Mike’s surgical notes. Abe looked up, closing the folder, “Has there been any word on Isabella?”

“Dr. Baker can’t tell me anything, since I’m not her physician. HIPAA regulations have that locked up,” Mike said. “Although for the case, I’m sure you can subpoena the records.”

Abe sighed deeply, and walked away. Making his way down to the psychiatric ward, Abe decided this would be his last stop before heading home. He missed his wife, and his daughter. When he’d arrested Isabella a week ago for attempted murder, he hadn’t expected her to attempt to kill herself with a bedsheet wrapped around the cell bars. Luckily, the officer on duty was able to perform CPR, and bring her back. She’d been at the hospital ever since, while he waited on a psych report.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena had barely seen her family over the past week, spending most of her time at the hospital. Last night, She had gone home, showered and spent time with them. Bo had demanded that she take a break, and he’d promised her, he would sit with John all night. He sat faithfully beside his brother’s bed, and watched over him. John’s skin was still very pale, and he was still very fragile. After his surgery he had coded twice, and Marlena had to be removed from his room forcefully. She’d ended up having to have three stitches replaced in her shoulder. Everyone in the family was concerned about her fluctuating blood pressure, and the pregnancy. 

Bo had his own guilt to deal with. He blamed himself for what had happened. Isabella had needed help, and he’d ultimately failed to get her that help. He’d known that her anger towards John was being directed at Marlena. At one point Bo suggested therapy, but Isabella refused, because of her hatred for Marlena. Bo knew Isabella refused to see a psychiatrist because she associated therapy with the one person in her life that she saw as an enemy. She was associating all mental health professionals with the one, she wrongly assumed, stole her husband. Isabella refused to recognize that John wasn’t stolen. Bo knew, everyone in the Brady family knew, hell, even Roman knew, that John had always belonged to Marlena.

Bo believed that Roman was involved somehow. Abe wouldn’t give him any specifics, since he was no longer a police officer, but he knew the Salem PD was searching for his brother. Bo was working with limited information. Isabella was charged with attempted murder. She’d attempted suicide. She was in the psychiatric ward of the hospital, and a warrant had been issued for the Kiriakis mansion. Bo hoped they would have answers soon.

A knock sounded on the door of John’s room, and Bo looked up to see Abe entering. He had news, and Bo could tell it wasn’t good news, “Hey buddy.”

Bo went straight to it, “She did it…didn’t she?”

Abe hesitated, and then said with a sigh, “It’s looking that way partner. We carried out the warrant on the Kiriakis Mansion, and we found a .45 caliber. Forensics has it now. I’m just waiting on a the report. I had them put a rush on it. But, I wanted you to know, it’s Roman’s service revolver. The serial numbers match.”

“Shit,” Bo said softly. Thinking of his parents, he said, “Shit…Ma and Pop…”

“I was hoping…well, I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but I was hoping that you could be with me when I question Isabella again? Her doctors have finally agreed to allow it.”

“I’d prefer that anyway,” Bo told him. “Have you managed to track down Roman yet?”

“No, and that’s another problem. I mean, where is he? He didn’t leave word with anyone. That’s not like him,” Abe said.

“It’s not, and that’s why I’m so worried, but honestly, Abe, Roman came back to us a different person, didn’t he?” Bo told him. “Who are we really looking for, because the man he is, isn’t the man who died in my arms on that beach back in ’84.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Isabella looked up when Bo and Abe entered her room. Bo approached her, kissing her cheek, and sat down in a chair across from her. Taking her hand in his, he asked her softly, “How are you?”

“I’m okay, I guess,” Isabella replied. She quickly looked at Abe, and then looked down, “Hello, Abe.”

Abe sat in another chair beside her, and said, “How are you feeling, Isabella?”

“I’m fine,” she said.

“I have a few more questions for you. Do you feel up to that?”

“I was expecting it sooner or later,” she said with a shrug. 

“Would you like to have a lawyer present? Before we start asking questions?” Bo asked her, “Because if you do, Victor has a lawyer on retainer. He’ll come.”

Isabella sighed softly, looking up at her brother. “No,” she said. “No. I’m fine. I know what I did.”

Bo stared into her eyes for a moment, trying to gauge where she was emotionally, and he said, “Isabella, you told Abe that you intentionally shot Marlena?”

“Yes. I did,” she replied. “I wasn’t planning to. I was going to leave, but G-d, Bo. I was so angry! Roman just seemed to manifest out of the fog. He laid that gun in my hand. I felt the weight of it, and I stopped thinking about anything, except…if Marlena died, maybe I could get my family back.”

Abe leaned forward, “Isabella, did you know what you were doing was wrong?”

“I did, and I didn’t care,” Isabella said. “I never wanted to hurt John. I love John, but the pain. I was in so much pain, and I wanted it to stop. Getting rid of Marlena made sense at the time. If she was gone, John would be sad, but I could—I could comfort him, and help him take care of Brady.”

“Did you consider Gertie?” Bo asked her.

“No!” Isabella said sharply. “Sami could raise Gertie!”

“Isabella, John would never give up his child. You know that,” Bo said. “What you’re saying…doesn’t make sense.”

“Why?” she cried. “Why couldn’t it make sense? Sami loves Gertie. She could raise her, and I could have my family back!”

“Do you understand that trying to murder someone is wrong?” Abe asked her.

“I do. I know it’s wrong. But you know what else is wrong?” Isabella asked, wiping a tear from her face. “Sleeping with a married man. That’s wrong! Breaking up a family! That’s wrong! How is what I did any worse than what Marlena did? I still hate her. She—she slept with him, and she had his child, and she knew he was married! She should have died!” Isabella started crying even harder, as she murmured, “She should have died! I wanted her to die!”

“Isabella,” Bo said, still reeling from the visceral anger rolling off of his sister. “You need to calm down.”

Isabella stood up, and stepped forward, hope lighting up her features, “Did she die?”

“No,” Abe said.

Her face was horror stricken, “Did John die?”

“No. John and Marlena both survived,” Abe told her.

Her features changed again, back to rage, “I’m going to spend the rest of my life in prison, and she didn’t die?”

Isabella’s doctor stepped forward, noticing that she was escalating quickly, “I think we need to end this interview and possibly finish it in a few—”

Isabella pushed forward, towards Abe, “—What about the baby? Did she at least lose the baby?”

Abe stared at her in shock, unsure of how to respond. Bo gently touched her arm, “Isabella, you don’t mean that.”

She laughed, a sound full of venom and mirth, “Oh, you think I don’t?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Once they were outside of Isabella’s hospital room, Bo turned to Abe, and said, “I can’t believe…fuck, Abe…she doesn’t have any remorse at all. All she seemed to care about was that she’d accidentally shot John.”

“I know,” Abe replied. Looking at the stenographer who exited with them, Abe said, “Can you get that typed up, and on my desk in a few hours?”

“Yes, Sir,” she said softly. “I’ll get it done as soon as possible.”

Bo stared at Abe, and said, “You’ve gotta find Roman, Abe. Roman had to have known her emotional state was fragile. He took advantage of that, but I can’t understand why!”

Abe said slowly, “Maybe, but Bo, you were in that room with me. Sure, Roman may have given her a gun, but she’s the shooter.”

“But it doesn’t make any sense! Something doesn’t fit. Why would Roman give her the gun, and not speak? We can’t ignore that.”

“Fuck, partner,” Abe said. “I don’t have any idea. Roman’s part in this doesn’t make any kind of sense.”

Bo thought for a moment, a growing fear deep in his belly, “Abe, I only know one person who creates complicated, diabolical plots to hurt people, and nothing that man ever did was simple.”

Abe stared at Bo, “Bo, don’t even suggest it. We both know he died in Mexico.”

“Do we? Did we ever find a body? Did the ISA ever find a body?” Bo asked him.

Chapter 37

Stefano made his way towards the basement of Maison Blanche, looking for Rolf. He fumbled with his cane on the stairs, furious that the man hadn’t answered when he’d summoned him. Stefano could hear Rolf cackling with laughter from his lab, which was opposite of Stefano’s dungeon. It echoed down the dark, brick lined corridor. “Rolf!” he roared, as he stumbled towards the lab. “Rolf!” Still the man did not reply, and the maniacal laughter continued. “What is that imbecile up to now?”

Stefano pushed the door open to find Rolf hunched over a computer, with a headset on, saying into it, “You need to increase the speed to 100 miles per hour. Do it now!”

“Rolf!” Stefano yelled as loudly as he could. “Rolf, I have been calling you for twenty minutes! Ignoring me has forced me to fumble my way down here to find you. You know I can barely walk, and yet you have forced me to navigate those wretched stairs. What are you doing?”

Rolf turned, looking at him excitedly. “Stefano! Stefano! You will not believe what I have been able to do!” Rolf said, ripping the headset from his ears, and dropping it to the desk in front of him with a clang. “The microchip! The one we implanted into Roman 2.0! Do you remember it was a newer updated model?”

“Yes, I remember, Rolf. Get to the point!”

“Well, I have discovered that I can use it to control him!”

“We’ve known that,” Stefano said, as if Rolf were an idiot. “That’s why we implanted it.”

“No, no, no, no! You don’t understand,” Rolf said excitedly. “Look! Look! Oh, wait…wait…” Rolf suddenly looked panicked as he placed the headset back on his head, and started typing furiously on the keyboard. “Decrease speed, and find a place to stop for the night.”

“I need an explanation, and I need it now, Rolf!”

“I was studying the possibilities of the microchip a few weeks ago. I knew we could send signals through a satellite that would enable us to bring Roman 2.0 back to Maison Blanche if we needed to, and I was thinking that possibly, with a few code adjustments, we might be able to do more, and I was right!” Rolf said excitedly. “I can make him do whatever I want! I can play him like a video game!”

Stefano stared at Rolf incredulously, “A video game? Rolf, that is ridiculous!”

“Given a specific set of code typed into the program, combined with verbal instructions through the headset, it isn’t ridiculous at all! You won’t believe what I’ve been able to have Roman Brady 2.0 do over the past few weeks!”

Stefano eyed Rolf warily, suddenly worried that Rolf had gone rogue as a mad scientist, “What have you been doing?”

“I was able to get him to have Isabella Toscano shoot Marlena Evans and John Black! Although, shooting John was purely accidental, of course,” Rolf said with the giddiness of a child. “I controlled everything he did! It was amazing!”

“You fucking imbecile!” Stefano roared, swinging his cane at Rolf’s head. “Is he dead? Because if you’ve killed John, you’ve ruined all of my plans! We can’t replace this Roman! Not after you killed the first one with your ridiculous experiment!”

Rolf whined, “That wasn’t my fault, Stefano! You had me working in poor conditions. How was I supposed to know that the machines required to keep Roman Brady alive would be too much for the generators?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

July 1996

“John,” Marlena said softly. “We received good news today. The best news actually. Right now, you and I, we need all the good news we can get, don’t we? The test results came back for Shawn D. He’s a match. He’s Gertie’s match. Bo and I sat down with him yesterday and explained what that means. For nine years old, he so mature. He didn’t hesitate to agree, and he loves Gertie so much.” Marlena wiped the tears from her cheeks, “Her chemo should be done in a few weeks, and Dr. Steinmann is going to meet with Bo and I tomorrow to discuss the procedure.”

“I found Gertie in bed with Sami this morning,” she said. “She’s handling the chemo amazingly well, even though I know it hurts her, and makes her so ill. She’s so tough, our little munchkin. Sami and I finally decided to cut Gertie’s hair. We took her shopping for hats and elastic headbands with large, sparkly bows on them. I think her being so young makes this a little easier on her. I know that sounds odd, but Gertie doesn’t worry about how she looks, or if she has hair.”

Marlena brushed her fingers softly over John’s face. “Brady’s teaching Gertie to sing the ABC’s. L-M-N and O are currently being sang as Elmo. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to explain it to her, she still sings Elmo. Brady’s not much help either,” she says with a laugh. “He sings ellay-men-oh-pee.”

Marlena stared at John. He’d been in a medically induced coma for nearly three weeks, and Marlena was supposed to be meeting with Mike as soon as he finished with a patient. They were still unsure if there was brain damage because of oxygen deprivation, and she was waiting on the results to the tests that Mike had done to determine brain function.

“You know, I had the oddest dream last night,” she told him softly, holding his hand in hers. “It was DJ. He came to me, in that field where we had the picnic, when we were in West Virginia. Do you remember that day?” Her hand brushed over his arm. Marlena would spend every visit brushing her fingers over his skin gently, hoping that somehow, even though he was unconscious, John might sense her presence. “He told me that his soul was coming back to me, in this baby. It’s hard for me to believe in things I can’t see with my own eyes. You know that about me, but yet, I think about those two years you spent dreaming of Gertie, and those dreams we shared in your office. I don’t know, maybe…it has me hoping so hard…hoping that it wasn’t just a dream, you know? Hoping that maybe DJ finally gets his chance—”

A knock on the door interrupted her, and Marlena turned to see Mike entering the room, “I’m sorry that took so long. I wasn’t expecting it to be so complicated.”

Being a doctor, Marlena smiled, “It’s fine. I understand better than most, I think.”

“John’s test results came back, and the function tests are promising, but there was something concerning,” Mike said slowly, trying to gauge Marlena’s reaction. 

She immediately became wary, because of their past experiences with Stefano, it could be anything, “Something concerning in the brain scan?”

“There seems to be something small at the base of his skull. It’s not natural. I mean, it shouldn’t be there,” Mike told her. 

“I want to see it,” she said standing up. “I want to see the scans. Do you have them with you?” Shifting closer to Mike, she waited.

Mike shuffled the papers in his hands, searching for the print outs that clearly showed some type of anomaly, “If you look right here—”

“—I see it,” Marlena said. It couldn’t stay in there, no matter what it was, it wasn’t natural, and it wasn’t anything John would want. “Take it out. There’s got to be a way to remove it, Mike.”

“Marlena, we don’t know what it is,” he hedged, feeling uncertain about what the side effect might be to removing it.

“We know it shouldn’t be there. We know that Stefano had him believing for nearly seven years that he was Roman Brady. You were bringing John out of the coma tomorrow, right? You said he was strong enough.”

“Yes, but to do another surgery, a potentially complicated one, I don’t know,” Mike said.

“I do. I do know, Mike. John would want this,” she said. “I’ll call the ISA myself to investigate whatever you end up removing, but John would want that removed.”

“John’s power of attorney is still on file, and it names you, so…I can contact Dr. Mann,” Mike said slowly. “He’s the best neurologist on staff, and the case will fascinate him to no end. He won’t refuse.”

“Good,” Marlena said with relief. “Good. Let’s do that.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami looked over at Austin as he sat beside her on the couch. Gertie was curled up asleep against one side of him, while Brady was sitting on his other side, completely lost in another episode of The Magic School Bus. “Are you getting paid to hang out here so much?” she asked him.

Austin smiled, but didn’t answer, instead holding his finger to his lips, to indicate that Sami should be quiet. “Shhh. I’m trying to watch this episode about ants,” he said.

“Oh, like you really care about ants,” Sami mumbled in childlike frustration.

Brady started squirming around, “Did you see that? Did you see that, Austin? Did you see what Ms. Fwizzle did?”

“I did, and it was amazing,” Austin said with exaggerated enthusiasm.

Sami rolled her eyes, “Oh, please.” She got up from the couch, and walked out of the room to the kitchen, leaning against the counter in frustration. She had been hanging out with Austin for three weeks, and they hadn’t done more than be friends. It was driving her mad. He was amazing, sweet, caring, and so good with Gertie and Brady, even though he’d never spent any time with children before. He was everything she wanted, and he didn’t seem to notice. They were stuck firmly in the friend zone. Sighing with frustration, she prepared to make herself more popcorn, because popcorn made her happy.

Austin smiled to himself, watching Sami almost stomp away in frustration, and said to Brady, “Hey, buddy. I’m going to go talk to Sami.”

Brady didn’t even spare him a glance, “Otay.”

Sliding Gertie off of his lap, and lying her down gently on the couch, Austin watched her shove her thumb in her mouth, and curl up. He turned, and followed Sami into the kitchen. 

She was gorgeous in her rage, pushing her hair back from her face, huffing and puffing in anger. Austin felt his body reacting to her simply because he found her so sexy. Clearing his throat, he stepped forward, and Sami looked at him quickly, trying to compose herself, “Austin! I was—I was making more popcorn.”

He moved forward, stepping closer to her, “I noticed.”

“Aren’t you missing the show?” she asked him sarcastically.

He shrugged his shoulders, “Maybe, watching you is a better show.”

“Watching me what?”

“Get angry, and pretend you’re not,” he said, moving even closer.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not angry,” she said, pulling the popcorn out of the microwave. He continued to stare at her intently, and Sami said, uncomfortably, pushing her hair out of her face, “I’m not!”

“Of course you’re not. You know…” he said stepping so close he could see the different shades of blue in her eyes. “I get paid for eight hour shifts, five days a week.”

Sami tried to push by him, “I know, you work for my dad, Austin.”

He stopped her, “But yet, I’m here nearly nine hours per day, seven days a week…unless I’m at school.”

Sami looked up at him, slightly hopeful, “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m too old for you,” he said in a husky voice, studying the lines of her face, and glancing down at her pink lips.

“Age is just a number,” she whispered.

“Is it?” he asked her, pushing her long blonde hair back over her shoulder.

“I’m mature for my age,” she said confidently, stepping so close her breasts rubbed his chest.

Austin shivered, “You are so fucking cute, Samantha.”

She frowned at him, “Cute?”

Austin couldn’t stop himself. His hands laced into her hair, and his lips crashed down onto hers. Sami moaned into his mouth, and when his tongue lapped over her bottom lip, she thought she might explode with the fire roaring in her veins. When Austin finally pulled back, he said breathlessly, “Yeah. Cute.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena stood next to John. He was prepped for surgery, and Dr. Mann had seemed confident that the removal would be straight forward. Leaning down, close to his ear, she whispered, “I love you. You are the other half of my soul. Stay with me, John. Our journey isn’t over.”

Somewhere in his mind, John sat in the same field where he picnicked years before with Marlena. A young boy, with curly brown hair, sat across from him, and said softly, “Did you hear that? Your journey isn’t over.” 

Chapter 38

John’s eyes fluttered open, as his mind fought its way out of the disoriented haze of unconsciousness. He could hear the muffled sounds of voices in the hallway, and the beep of the monitors he was hooked up to. His mouth was dry, and the room was dark. Looking around he realized he was in a hospital. He had no memory of what happened. He sat there wracking his brain for his last memory, and found himself becoming more agitated, the more he struggled to remember. 

The door to his room opened, and the most heavenly scent enveloped him. A mixture of lilacs and lavender, so delicate that he wanted to inhale it, so that he might lose himself for a moment. He knew the scent, and yet he thought that maybe he had never smelled it before. He felt a memory tug at his mind, and he watched a woman approach him with a smile on her face, “John. You’re awake.” He knew her. John knew that he knew her, but yet he had no idea who she was. 

Marlena saw the question in his eyes, the insecurity, and she remembered another time, long ago, when John used to look at her like that, “John, talk to me. Please.”

He was so scared, and he asked her on a wavering voice, “My name’s John?”

Her stomach dropped, but she stayed calm, touching his arm softly, “It is.”

“And you know me?”

“I’ve known you for ten years,” she replied carefully.

He watched her, trying to gauge her sincerity, “Why am I here?”

Marlena knew it was risky to tell him the truth, but she also knew John, and understood that he would want the truth. He would demand the truth, and so she said, “You were…you were shot.”

He reached behind his head, touching the bandage on his neck, “In the neck?”

“No,” Marlena said, sitting down on a stool next to the bed. “No, that was something else.”

He watched her sit in the chair, noticing her rounded belly. She was pregnant. She smelled good, and she was pregnant. His mind compiling new facts, since he seemed to lack any memory. “Where am I?” he asked her softly.

“Salem,” Marlena told him. Amnesia. He didn’t remember anything, and she knew that his memory may come back, or he could potentially be starting over again. “Do you remember anything?”

“The way you smell,” he whispered, feeling guilty about that, but unsure why. He wanted to bathe in her smell.

That one simple sentence gave her hope. “Can I ask you some questions? To see if they might help you remember?” Marlena asked him. John nods, but says nothing further. “I’m going to say some names, and you can tell me if they sound familiar. Roman Brady. Marlena Evans. Brady Black. Eric Brady. Sami Brady—”

“—Sami,” he said hoarsely. Getting flashes of a small girl with long blonde hair. A laughing face, and the tinkle of laughter. “Did I know a Sami?”

He remembered Sami. Marlena began to feel more hopeful. “You did,” she said softly. “You raised her for six years.”

John felt a rush of love well up inside him, and then, a name. He asked, “Who’s Doc?”

Marlena smiled broadly, “That’s what you call me. You call me, Doc.”

“How do I know you?”

Keeping it light, Marlena said softly, “It’s complicated, but we’re in love. We have plans to be together.”

He sees the ring on her finger, and he stares at her growing abdomen. Staring at her for several seconds, John finally breathed out, “I believe you. Something inside of me is telling me to trust you.”

Relief coursed through her, “You had a micro chip in your neck. It was wired into your nervous system. They were only able to see it, because they did scans to check brain function after you were shot.”

“A micro chip? In my neck?”

“Does the name Stefano DiMera mean anything to you?”

John recalled hanging from the ceiling of a dungeon, the cuffs biting into his wrists, and the sour breath of a man speaking to him in a menacing tone. He hissed with a grimace, “Yes.”

It was obvious that he had remembered something. Touching his arm softly, “Can you tell me?”

Instead of answering her questions, John asked, “Is this permanent? The memory loss?”

“I don’t believe so. The chip was immeshed into your nervous system, but they were able to get it out. We’re not sure what it’s capabilities were…it’s been turned over to the ISA,” Marlena said. Changing the subject, Marlena said, “You know, John, you had amnesia when I met you.”

“Did I ever remember who I was?”

“No,” she said quietly. “Not really. Although, for years we believed you were someone else.”

“So…how am I known as John?”

“It’s the name you used when you first came to Salem,” she murmured, taking his hand in hers, and threading their fingers together. “You told me once that you read it on the wall of a soup kitchen, although I’ve always thought that maybe subconsciously there was more to it.”

John stared at their hands, wondering how he could feel so calm, when he knew nothing about himself, but then he realized that he did know something. The woman beside him, the woman who smelled like bliss and heaven personified, she meant something to him. She brought a steadiness to him, and if that was all he had in that moment, he would be fine, as long as she remained. “I—I feel like I should be scared, or upset. Before you walked in…I felt confused…almost like I needed to run, and then you arrived, and I felt calm. You want to explain that?”

“You’re my soul mate,” she said. “No matter how many times we are pulled apart, we will always make our way back to each other.”

Her thumb brushed over his palm, and John remembered holding her hand by an elevator. He stared at her perfectly manicured nails. The skin was so soft, and he had an impulse to pull her hand to his mouth and kiss it. “You say, I’ve known you for ten years, and my life before that…is that a blank?”

“It seems so. We thought for nearly seven years that you were Roman Brady…you lived as him, you raised Sami and Eric without me for five of those years.”

“Where were you?”

“Stefano had me,” she whispered. “You thought I was dead.”

“But you came back…”

“I did.”

“What happened?”

“John, it’s complicated,” she said.

“Please,” he said softly, almost pleading. “Help me understand.”

“When I came home, you have to understand, I had been gone for nearly five years. You were engaged, and so conflicted…I—I understood that, but it—it still hurt. In my mind I had dreamt of this perfect reunion. It was unrealistic, but that didn’t lessen the pain. You were engaged to someone else, and you became almost obsessed with finding the truth of my missing years. At the time I felt that you…well maybe you didn’t want me, so you held back from making a choice. In the end, it didn’t matter.”

“What did I do?”

“We thought you were Roman, until we found the real Roman in the jungle of San Cristobal.”

John remembered being held down, while someone tattooed his back. “I’ve been there,” he whispered.

Marlena looked up in surprise, “You do?”

“I didn’t before?”

“No. Well, I don’t think so, and you would have told me, if you had remembered something like that.”

“Why?”

“Before I was your wife, before I was your lover, John…I was your friend, and your doctor,” she told him with a small smile.

“I call you, Doc…”

“You would have told me something like that. I wonder if the microchip that was removed…I wonder if it impacted your memory, or suppressed your memory. John! It’s possible that you could remember everything in time.”

“I just want to remember you,” he whispered, staring at her face, and wishing so badly that he could. She was beautiful, but she was more, and he didn’t understand it.

“I think,” she said, staring into his dark blue eyes. “I think in time, you will remember everything.” Marlena’s back was starting to hurt from the weight of the baby, and leaning forward on the stool, so she stood, placing her hands on her lower back, and bending back as far as she could. She felt the muscles under her belly pulling, and a sharp kick on the right, and she smiled. While John had been unconscious for the last three weeks, the baby had been growing in leaps and bounds. 

John stared at her for a moment, before he whispered, “You’re pregnant.”

“I am,” she said with a smile, running her hands over the small swell of her abdomen. “A boy.”

“It’s a boy? Am I—is he mine?”

Marlena laughed softly, “Yes, but he isn’t our first child.”

“We have more?”

Marlena laughed again, louder this time, “Yes. Again, it’s complicated.”

John had another memory, “Sami and Eric aren’t mine, right?”

“They aren’t, and yet they are. Sami still calls you Daddy, and she’s nineteen. Eric calls you dad.”

“But Roman…he came home. He’s their father,” John said, feeling a tremendous sense of loss, and in his mind he saw the twins crying. “When he came back…that hurt me a lot, didn’t it?”

“Yes. G-d, John, it hurt us all…but I think you’re right. It hurt you the most, because although you had no memory, you had made memories. When you were Roman, you had a name, a family, children…you were a police officer, and when Roman came back, you went back to having no idea who you were. I imagine that hurt you more than anyone could ever understand,” Marlena whispered, coming back to sit beside him.

John kept glancing down at her softly rounded belly, and he finally said, “Can I touch you?”

Marlena stood, stepping as close as she could to the side of the bed, and she lifted her shirt, placing John’s open palm on her bare belly. John’s hand smoothed over the skin of her stomach, and he gazed up at her, “A boy.”

“We have a daughter, Gertie. You have another son, Brady. Gertie looks just like you, John. Deep blue eyes, and—she used to have these dark curls all over her head.” Marlena wiped her eyes quickly, “She’s sick right now.”

“But she’s sick?”

“She is, but we found a bone marrow donor, and Dr. Steinmann says when Gertie’s chemotherapy is over, we can transplant her with healthy stem cells,” Marlena told him, touching his face softly. “I’m hopeful.”

“Can I see her? Her and Brady…can I see them?

Even if John had no solid memory of her, his gentle nature, and his kindness, had Marlena loving this version of him as well. “I can have Sami bring her over,” Marlena told him. She reached for the phone, just as the baby gave another solid kick, and John smiled up at her with the biggest smile she had ever seen on his face.

“He kicked,” he told her with a smile.

Chapter 39

August 1996

Marlena brought John home a week later. That hard edge that had always seemed to be lying just under the surface, the one made of fear, and confusion, seemed to be gone. He was slowly recollecting his time with Marlena and the children, but he was also recalling pieces from other eras of his life. John was recalling his childhood, which was spent as a ward of the state in Oklahoma, and his time with Stefano. He would wake in the night, covered in a cold sweat, while Marlena held him. John getting his memories back was both a blessing and a curse.

She’d started keeping notes almost immediately. John’s earliest memories seemed to be of a childhood spent in group homes. He had never been adopted, but still excelled in school, and seemed to have an affinity for baseball. He told Marlena with a laugh, that he was convinced baseball would pay all of his bills. Marlena was certain that the microchip in John’s nervous system, had been there to suppress his memories, but also as a way to implant Roman’s memories. 

None of it made sense, until two weeks after coming home, John woke from a nightmare, and told her, “I was nothing to Stefano. I was nothing to the world. A seventeen year old ward of the state disappears? What do they care? I’m deemed a runaway, and they wash their hands of me. Stefano, he gets a test subject, a mercenary…someone that nobody is looking for.”

Marlena brushed his hair away from his forehead, “You mean something to me. You have always meant something to me.”

John smiled at her, grateful to have her in his life. “I wanted to die once…when Roman came back, and I didn’t know who I was. I wanted to die,” he whispered, staring at the ceiling. “You saved me that night, and I never even told you.”

“What?”

“It was raining. Do you remember? The ISA wanted to arrest me, and you found me on the pier.”

“I remember,” she told him, surprised that his memories were coming back at such a rapid pace. 

“I had a gun, you knew that…but I didn’t tell you, I was planning to end my own life,” he said in a choked voice. “Not because Roman said, I was programmed to do it. Not because of some trigger the ISA was worried about, but because I felt like I had nothing left if I lost you, and the kids.”

“John,” Marlena whispered.

“I’m sorry I left,” he said, rolling over to look at her in the moonlight. “I’m sorry I left, and I never even gave us a chance. I—I assumed things, and I shouldn’t have.”

“John?”

“When I left Salem, with Isabella,” he told her, “I was…I hope this makes sense, I was back to the beginning. No memories that were mine. No family, no wife, no job. I think my mind shut down. Do you remember, when I first came to Salem, when I was Stefano’s Pawn? I struggled. You never knew how much, because I tried to hide it. But that fear of the unknown, the fear that I could be Stefano, or possibly someone worse…it haunted me. I could stare at my face in the mirror for hours, trying to force myself to remember who I was, only to end up breaking things in a rage.” He touched her face softly, “Finding out I was Roman Brady…it didn’t immediately give me memories, but it calmed my mind. Roman Brady was a good guy. The people of Salem respected him. I could be that man.”

“Oh, John, that’s not confusing at all. Being Roman, even if you couldn’t remember being Roman…it let you know that you were kind, caring, a family man. I understand that. I understand how that would bring you peace,” she told him softly.

“When we found Roman—”

“—do you remember that?”

John sighed, “Yes, most of it has come back to me. I remember the feelings associated with finding him. I was lost again. My memories weren’t mine, and I went back to wondering…what kind of person was I? Isabella promised me a family, with her and Brady. And in my irrational fear, I made a decision to leave. It had nothing to do with you, or trusting you, or loving you. It was all wrapped up in those feelings of helplessness. Those hours of staring in the mirror, wondering who I was, only to break the things around me in frustration.” His fingers trailed over the soft skin on her shoulder, “You were right when you called me a coward in San Francisco.”

“You remember that?”

“I do, and you were right. I was the biggest coward of all, because it was as if those six years as Roman Brady had never happened. I was John Black again, scared, with no identity. And you? You had your husband back. You loved him. I told myself you had to love him, because you had loved me so well when I was him.”

“I loved you! You, John.”

John’s voice choked up, and he said in a husky voice, “I understand that now. I do, but when I was scared, and hurting, what I understood was that you must love Roman as much as you had loved me. I wrongly assumed that you loved me, because I was him, and once I wasn’t, that love would be gone.”

“When we were in Mexico, I couldn’t think!” she cried. “I wanted to get you alone. I wanted to talk to you so badly about the emotions coursing through my body. About my love for you. I never got the chance, and I told myself, when we got home, I would find a way to speak with you privately—”

“—but I left before you could. I hurt you so much,” he said, running his fingers over her lips. “I remember your tears, in San Francisco. I remember getting drunk, too.”

“You do?” she said with a shy smile.

“I do…” he replied. “I also want to kiss you right now.”

It had been nearly three weeks since John woke, and they had yet to kiss. She loved him, and she adored him, but they were strangers until he started to remember who he was. There had been several times over the last few days when their eyes had caught, and held for longer than normal. The day before, John had reached for her hand, while watching a television show, and slowly stroked the pad of his thumb across her palm. Marlena had gasped, and looked at him, hoping for more, but he had blushed and dropped her hand quickly.

John whispered against her lips, “I don’t remember everything, but I know I love you. I know I like to stare at you, when you don’t know I’m looking. I know, I like touching you, and our baby, when you sleep.”

Marlena’s eyes welled up, “You do?”

His fingers laced with her, and John told her softly, “I do, Baby…I really do…”

Marlena whispered with a gentle smile, “Baby…”

John’s lips took hers softly. Kissing her, melding their mouths together. While his lips played, and moved over hers, his mind flashed with memories. Strawberries and whipped cream on her lips. A picnic in a field of flowers. Dancing in the living room. Making love in front of a fireplace. Chasing Eric and Sami around the back yard. Marlena coming out of the fog on the pier. John gasped, his hands moving to thread themselves into Marlena’s hair tightly, and he cried, “Doc!” 

His face buried in her neck, and Marlena could feel his hot tears rolling down her neck, “It’s okay, John. It’s okay. Did you have another memory?”

“You,” he choked. “You…it’s always been you.”

“You recalled something didn’t you?”

“So much,” he whispered, gripping her hair in his fists. “So much, just from the taste of your lips, Doc.”

“Maybe you should kiss me again,” she whispered. “I’ve missed you so much, John.”

His lips brushed along the sensitive skin of her neck, and he said, “I remembered sucking whipped cream off of your body.” Marlena groaned, while he dragged his tongue along her collarbone, and whispered, “I remembered dancing with you in our living room.” He bit the flesh on her shoulder, “I remembered the first time we made love, and you were wearing that pink jumper…”

Marlena’s arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer, sucking at his mouth. “Oh, G-d!” she cried. “I was so worried! Worried you might not remember us completely.”

He rolled her onto her back, staring down into her eyes, “Everyday, more is coming to me. Not just my time with you, and the children, but before…with Stefano, and before Stefano…my childhood. Memories that were lost to me…my first day of kindergarten, learning to play baseball…my first date…”

Marlena reaches up, touching his face gently, “I love you.”

“I love you,” he told her, before kissing over her lips softly. “I want to marry you.”

Marlena sighed, “When?”

“I had an idea…but I want it to be a surprise,” John murmured, running his hand over her hip, and along her thigh. He squeezed her flesh, pulling her leg up over his. Marlena’s abdomen pushed into him, and he felt a jolt.

Marlena gasped, “Oh! That was a hard one.”

Tugging her nightgown over her hips, John placed his open palm on her belly, whispering to the baby, “Hey there, little man. It’s your Daddy.”

Another kick thumped, and Marlena smiled, “Did you feel that? He’s responding to your voice.”

Smoothing his hand over her soft, warm skin, John murmured against her, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, buddy, but your mother is the sexiest woman on the planet.”

“John! I’m huge, and six months pregnant!”

John licked over her navel, “I remember getting you pregnant…and you, with your belly swollen with our child, is fucking sexy.” His hand slid up over her rounded buttocks, fisting in the elastic of her panties, and he started pulling them down. Stopping, he looked up at Marlena, “Can I?”

“Yes,” she breathed. “Yes…”

“I’ve never been able to be with you during a pregnancy. I’ve never been able to worship your body as you foster life within in. The twinner’s were before me. I didn’t know about Gertie, but now, with this little guy…I want to be involved in every aspect. I want to make love to you, and caress your skin. I want you to know that you are beautiful, and amazing, and watching you grow…you may not feel sexy, but Baby, you are fucking sexy.”

He finished pulling her panties down her long legs, and he sighed, pushing her legs open. Unable to stop himself, he nudged her clit with the tip of his nose, breathing deeply of her scent. Marlena felt an electrical shock travel up her spine, and her pussy clenched in response, “John…oh! John!”

His breath whispered over her moist folds, “You’re sensitive when you’re pregnant.”

“Yes,” she gasped, waiting, hoping, praying for him to do it again.

“I’m in charge this time, Marlena.” John’s tongue trailed softly up her slit, a delicate caress against her swollen flesh, causing Marlena’s hips to buck up.

“Yes! Oh, G-d!” she cried out. “Please, I need more, John. More.”

“You want more? You want it a little harder?”

“Please!”

Latching his mouth over her clit, John began to suck at her repeatedly, with long, deep pulls. His hands pushed her thighs wide, as he continued to suck at her. Unable to control herself, or even stop herself from coming so soon, Marlena’s orgasm rolled over her with the speed of a bullet train, surprising herself and John as her liquid arousal pooled beneath her. John wiped his chin a smile, “Fuck, Baby…fuck!”

His cock was throbbing, painful even. Marlena coming in his mouth almost had him spilling on the bed. Wrapping one arm around her, he rolled to his back, pulling her up to straddle him. Looking into her eyes, he begged her, “Don’t tell me no. Please, Doc…do not tell me no.”

“John,” she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him, and tasting herself on his lips, “I would never tell you no. Never. Never.”

She felt the tip of his cock pulsing against her entrance, and as she slid her wet heat down on his length, John roared, “G-d! Doc…yes!”

Chapter 40

The whole family had gathered at the hospital for Gertie’s bone marrow transplant. Even Victor showed up, which surprised John. He hadn’t heard from him in weeks. All of them were there because two children who meant the world to them were about to undergo a serious operation. Gertie had already been admitted for the last week. Her chemo was destroying the cancer, but it was also destroying her immune system. Having her in the hospital protected her from potential illnesses that could jeopardize her little body.

She was weak, and lethargic, but still Gertie. She sat in her hospital bed, hooked up to IV’s, with an elastic headband that held a huge sequined blue bow, and she ruled her domain. She wanted apple juice, she watched Blues Clues, and she sat in her hospital bed like a queen, demanding to see certain visitors, and laughing when they arrived clad in scrubs, and surgical masks, with their hair covered. Marlena, John, Eric, Carrie, and Sami took turns sitting with her, making sure that she was never alone, and never woke up afraid. A familiar, loving face was always there for her, and they refused to let anyone watch over her.

Shawn D had been putting on a brave face, but at nine years old, he was allowed to be scared. Being scared wasn’t going to stop him. In that respect, Shawn D took after his mother. Brave, determined, and stubborn. Bo was proud of the young man his son was growing into, and he mourned his wife every day, because she was missing it. As much as Bo loved his son, he looked more and more like Hope, and sometimes, it was the sweetest form of torture. 

John sat with Marlena, holding her hand in silence, while the hospital bustled around them. It was only when Victor cleared his throat that John looked up, “John.”

John’s fatigue was obvious, and he said slowly, “Hey, Vic.”

Victor sat down in one of the hard plastic, waiting room chairs provided by the hospital, and stared at his hands for a moment, before finally saying, “I wanted to apologize.”

John was confused, “Apologize?”

“For Isabella. For what happened to you both, because of Isabella,” Victor told him. “I haven’t been well enough to leave the house until very recently, but I feel a certain amount of responsibility about what she did.”

“Don’t,” John told him softly. He rubbed his free hand over his face and through his hair roughly, as if he could brush away his exhaustion, “Isabella did what she did, Vic. None of us bear the responsibility for that.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Victor replied slowly. “I still feel, that I should have said something. She knew about the affair years ago. She spoke to me about it, and I encouraged her to tell you. She didn’t know who the affair was with at first, but she suspected Marlena pretty quickly. She’s been jealous, and even irrational at points since you left Salem. I should have told you. I owed you that much.”

“She was jealous before Marlena returned. I’d seen bits of it crop up, especially with Sami. I should have seen it,” John said, “but I was…I was dealing with my own loss at the time. When I ran into Marlena in San Francisco, she mentioned being kidnapped, and the fact that she was found by a PI, you hired. I wondered then…if Isabella had intentionally kept that information from me. I felt strongly that she had, but then…” John looked at Marlena for a moment, and then back at Victor, “When Marlena and I parted ways in San Francisco, it was like losing her all over again. I never broached the subject with Isabella, because…thinking about Doc, or even bringing her up to Isabella would have pulled my feelings out into the light. Does that make sense? Those feelings wouldn’t have been mine anymore.

Victor sighed, thinking of Caroline, and how he’d never really spoken to anyone about his continued feelings for her. Glancing towards where Caroline sat with Shawn, Victor murmured, “I think I can understand that. At the time, I’d mentioned to Isabella, that Marlena was missing, and she begged me not to tell you. She was so afraid that you would leave her. There were a lot of excuses, about how you’d just started your family, and such. How young Brady was. How you had settled down, and didn’t need to be doing dangerous things anymore. Then she begged me to hire someone to track you down. I had misgivings, but I did it. I should have told you.”

“She’s your daughter,” Marlena said softly. “I understand you wanting to protect her, and take care of her. Victor, you couldn’t have known what would happen.”

“I still feel like—”

“—don’t. Please,” John said. 

Everyone turned when a surgical nurse came out, and said, “Bo Brady?”

Bo stood so quickly, he nearly knocked Caroline over, “I’m here.”

“Shawn D is out of surgery, and the procedure is complete. We have him in recovery right now, if you’d like to see him,” he said.

“Everything went well?” Bo asked.

“Everything went very well,” the nurse said with a smile. “Come one, I’ll take you back.”

Marlena smiled at John, squeezing his hand with tears in her eyes, “I still can’t believe Shawn D was her match all along. He loves her so much.”

“Bo has really struggled since Hope died,” Victor said, watching his son walk away. “I keep hoping he’ll find someone to make a life with. He dated Carly for awhile, and I heard he was recently dating Billie Reed…its been five years, and he’s still mourning Hope’s loss as if it was yesterday.”

John glanced at Marlena, and then looked into Victor’s eyes, “I did the same thing.”

Victor sighed, “I know you did. I watched you. Everyone in Salem knew that was why you couldn’t move on. You focused on your career and your children. No one ever stuck…until Isabella, but I feel like, if the circumstances had been different—”

“—you mean if Roman hadn’t been found?” John asked him.

Victor nodded solemnly, “Yes. If Roman hadn’t been found, Isabella wouldn’t have been your choice.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I’m very hopeful,” Dr. Steinmann told John and Marlena a few hours later. “The procedure went flawlessly. As you know, she’s going to need to be here at the hospital for a while longer, at least until we know if the stem cells are reproducing new healthy cells the way they should.”

Marlena couldn’t stop the tears from falling, “I understand, and I am so grateful to you, Richard. So grateful for everything you’ve done for Gertie and for Shawn D.”

Richard Steinmann stared down at Marlena, struck again by her beauty. Giving himself a mental shake, he told her, “That’s one brave little boy. I told him he was a hero, and I think it made his whole day,” Dr. Steinmann said. “Then he mumbled something about Thor.”

“Thank you for everything,” John said softly, shaking Richard’s hand. “Thank you. For myself, for Doc, for the whole family…thank you.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning to check on Gertie and Shawn D. I suggest you both go home, and get some rest. Gertie will be sedated for the night, and we’ll bring her out of it tomorrow morning around 10 am. She’s going to be sore for a few days, at least,” the doctor said.

After Dr. Steinmann left, the room was silent, except for the monitors that Gertie was hooked up to. John reached for Marlena’s hand, softly stroking his thumb over her palm, “Let’s go home, Baby. Gertie is asleep, and you need to rest.”

“I can’t leave her,” Marlena whispered, staring down at her sleeping daughter in the bed. They had removed her headband, and without it she seemed so frail and so weak. Her swollen body, and the dark circles under her eyes brought pain to Marlena’s heart. She’d had nearly three years Gertie’s vibrance, before she was ill. Marlena yawned, and looked at John. He was right, she needed rest. The pregnancy was sapping her energy, and refusing to take care of herself might hurt the baby.

John leaned closer whispering in her ear, “I have Austin working the shift tonight.” His breath wafted over the shell of her ear, and Marlena shivered, moving closer to him.

“Austin? You’re paying him?”

He rubbed his face in her hair, “I am, although he volunteered to do it for free.”

Marlena yawned, turning towards him, and leaning against him, “When is he coming?”

“Any minute now,” he told her, reaching for her hand and tugging her towards the door. “And you know he won’t be alone. Sami won’t be far behind.”

Marlena was silent for a moment, and then asked John, “How do you feel about the two of them? I mean, he’s so much older.”

“I was concerned at first. I won’t lie,” he said. “But Sami has been through a lot. She’s much more mature than most kids her age, and she’s stubborn. If we tried to end this thing she has with Austin, it would simply make her more determined to be with him, and I spoke with Austin. One of those long, uncomfortable, talks where I inquire about his intentions with my daughter.”

“You didn’t!”

“I absolutely did, Baby.”

“And how did that go?”

“I can safely say, that he has genuine feelings for her, and he’s been taking biology classes just to be in the same room with her,” John said with a laugh.

Sighing in relief, Marlena said, “Really?”

“Really, Doc. Now come on, and let me get you home, so I can take care of you,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck.

“Oh…that sounds nice,” Marlena murmured.

“Good Lord!” Sami exclaimed opening the door. “Do you two ever stop?”

John looked at Sami with a straight face and said, “No.”

Sami blinked a couple times, not sure how to respond to John’s frankness, and then started laughing, “Go home. Austin is on the way.” 

John and Marlena were about to enter the elevator when Bo stopped them. “Hey, John…Marlena…I wanted to let you know, the Salem PD still hasn’t located Roman, and I heard from a source at the station—” 

John looked at Bo with his eyebrow quirked, “—Bo…”

Bo became defensive, “Listen man, nobodies telling me anything, so I get the information I can get, in the way I can get it. That’s not the point, my source says that the ISA found some interesting things on that chip that was removed from you, John.”

“What kind of interesting things?” John wanted to know.

“He didn’t give me anything specific, but the search for Roman is being taken over by the ISA, and they’re trying to get a warrant to search the house. I just wanted to let you know that I’m about to head over there, and see if I can find anything before they search it,” Bo said hurriedly.

“Bo,” Marlena said softly. “What about Shawn D? He’s just come out of surgery.”

John tried to reason with him, “Listen, man, I think you need to step back, and let the ISA handle this—”

“—I can’t. I can’t. Something is telling me not to let this go. I’ve got to do it. I was just letting you know, in case you wanted to come with me.”

John looked at Marlena, and then back to Bo, “I can’t, Bo. My focus right now, has got to be Marlena, and the kids. I’m not going to stop you, if you choose to go over to Roman’s, and look around, but I’m going to leave the search for Roman to the Salem PD, and the ISA.”

“I understand that. I do,” Bo said. “Something is telling me to do this. Something is telling me not to let this go.”

Marlena thought about the times she and John had dreamt in tandem, or the dreams John had about Gertie, and she couldn’t discount this gut feeling Bo had. Touching Bo’s arm softly, she said, “Go. If you feel something pulling you, go. John and I, along with the rest of the family, we can look after Shawn D.”

Bo looked at Marlena in surprise, thinking she would normally be the first one trying to get him to calm down, and think clearly. He smiled at her. A huge smile that reminded her of the first time she met him, and he said, “I knew there was always a reason I loved you best.”

John laughed, “Stop flirting with my lady, and go…if you’re going!”

Bo reached forward pulling John into a hug, “Don’t mention this to Abe.”

Holding tightly for a moment, John said, “If we don’t see you within the week, I’m saying something.”

Bo nodded once in acknowledgement, kissed Marlena on the cheek, and walked away. Marlena looked at John, “He’s not just going to search Roman’s house is he?”

“Baby, I think Bo’s pretty certain he’s going to find a lead on Roman’s location at the house, which means, given how impulsive Bo is, he’s going to follow that lead.”

As much as she wanted and needed John with her, she said, “You know when he’s alone he’s impulsive, and doesn’t think things out. Maybe, you should—”

“—no. Absolutely not. You need me as much as I need you right now. I’m staying with my family,” he told her.

Chapter 41

Bo waited until just after midnight, before he entered Roman’s house through the backdoor in the kitchen. The trash had a murky oder, but everything else seemed to be straight, and in order. Making his way through the house, tread lightly up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He decided to go to Roman’s bedroom first, and what he found there was absolute chaos. On the dresser were stacks of notebooks. The floor was scattered with maps of Mexico, the Caribbean, San Cristobal, and other destinations. Notes scrawled hastily in the margins in varying ink colors, items circled in red marker. The notebooks full of notes on Stefano’s compounds, torture techniques, mind manipulation, and repeatedly, the phrase: Who am I?

Bo stared at the pages. Over and over again, in the margins, across the page, large print, small print, scrawled over other text…Who am I? Who am I? He found himself confused. The man who came back to Salem in 1991 was Roman. He knew that. They all knew that, but did Roman know that? Who am I? Was it Roman? John was tricked into believing he was Roman for five years. The whole Brady clan believed John was Roman. Would it be that far fetched to believe that their beloved Roman, was replaced with yet another fake? 

Bo laid the notebook aside, leaving it for the ISA agents that would inevitably come, and comb through Roman’s house, but the doubt was established. Was the man they all called Roman really his brother? Did Roman even believe, he was who he said he was? Bo rubbed his palms over his face in frustration, and turned entering Roman’s closet to find that it was in complete disarray, with clothing scattered everywhere, making it look like his brother had left in a hurry. On the floor, partially hidden under a pair of jeans, was another map. This one was of Louisiana. A town outside of New Orleans was circled in bold red ink, and written beside it were the words Maison Blanche. 

Bo’s gut clenched, and somewhere in the deepest recesses of his mind, his body told him Maison Blanche was where he would find the answers he was searching for. He wasn’t even sure what answers he was trying to find, beyond locating Roman and trying to determine his involvement in Isabella shooting John and Marlena. Making his way to the phone, he barked into it, “Sami, I need to speak to John.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Isabella stared at John through the glass in the Salem PD visitation area. She’d been surprised when they said she had a visiter, and even more surprised to find out it was John. Victor had kept her informed about Brady as much as he could, but he was still recovering, and didn’t spend much time with her son. Fixing her ponytail back again, she said, “How Brady?”

“He’s fine,” John said. “He started pre-K last week, and he’s really enjoying it.”

She was concerned about what Brady knew, and she asked, “What did you tell him about me?”

“I didn’t tell him that you shot his father, and Marlena. I didn’t tell him that,” John told her with bitterness, still finding it hard to believe that she had taken her jealously that far. “I told him, his mother was sick, and she had to go away for awhile.”

Isabella was surprised, “Sick? Why would you say I’m sick? I’m not si—”

“—Aren’t you, Isabella? You shot Marlena out of spite and jealousy, and nearly killed me in the process! Do you think that’s healthy?”

Isabella felt her ire, and started to argue, “John…I just wanted you to come back to me! If Marlena were out of the picture—”

“—You make no sense! You know, I love her! You know that! You could have killed my child! She’s pregnant, and you could have killed my son! But you don’t care, do you?” he roared. “Do you have no remorse?”

She sat there quietly, wanting to feel something. She wanted to feel guilty, or sad, or regretful. She didn’t. She felt anger, and she felt frustration. She felt loss, but she didn’t feel anything else, except all encompassing hatred.

John watched her as emotions played over her face, and he knew, she felt no remorse at all. “Maybe being raised by Ernesto did more damage to you than anyone ever knew.”

Her eyes shot up to John’s quickly, “Why would you say that?”

“Because you’re selfish Isabella. You almost killed three people, and you have no remorse beyond the fact that you didn’t actually intend to shoot me. If Marlena had died. If my son had died…you wouldn’t have cared. You might have even secretly rejoiced,” he said. “Brady will be told what you did, when he is old enough to know, but you are out of his life forever.”

“What? No!” she cried standing up, and placing her palms against the glass, staring up at him with wide, pleading eyes. “You can’t do that to me!” She began pounding on the glass, and crying, “John! Please, you can’t do that to me!”

“You did this to yourself. Brady is happy, and healthy with me right now—”

“—with you?” she screamed, pushing her loose curls out of her face. “While you let your whore pretend to be his mother? She’s not his mother! I am! Me!”

He stared at her for a moment, and then he said softly, feeling no pity for her at all. Leaning forward he said, “Marlena is currently his mother. She’s all he has, because his biological mother has done something to render her presence in his life impossible. Isabella, you’ve confessed. There is no trial, no plea bargain, and no leniency. That’s a Class X felony with a minimum of 20 years.”

She stepped back from the glass, with a look of shock on her face, “What? No. No. No one told me that!”

“You were offered the chance to get an attorney several times. You saw the stenographer in the room both times you were questioned, Isabella. Don’t play ignorant now,” John told her, before pausing. Looking at her closely, he said, “You didn’t care at the time, did you? You were so angry, and wanted Marlena hurt so badly, that you gave up everything you knew in an anger fueled confession without an attorney…didn’t you?” John stepped closer, and whispered, “You can’t back track now, Izzy B. At this point it would make your sentence harsher if you tried to do that. You’re going to be incarcerated for a very long time, but, and please hear me when I tell you this…any letters, gifts, or anything else you send to Brady will be opened, and read before he receives it. I won’t have you trying to poison him from the state penitentiary.”

Isabella was overcome with the possibility of spending her life behind bars until she was well into her fifties. She glanced up at John with pleading eyes, and she said softly, “Can I see him? Can I see him one last time?”

“No. Not here, and not like this. No.”

“He’s my son! You loved me once! We made him in love!” she cried. 

“The woman I loved, is not you. She was an idea. She was someone you portrayed, who was a mere shadow of who you really are, because I never could have loved the woman sitting in front of me right now. You lied to me. From the moment Marlena returned, you began lying to me.”

“I didn’t!”

“You did!” John roared. “You did! You lied about your health, you lied about wanting a fresh start, you said you stole Marlena’s earrings because you were jealous…but I think, you did it to hurt her, and truthfully, it was mostly to hurt me. I’ve spoken to Victor about Marlena’s kidnapping. You were the one to encourage him to intervene. You!”

Isabella dropped her face into her hands, crying, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! John…I was so afraid to lose you!”

“Stop lying to me! You’re not sorry. You’re not sorry! If you hadn’t been caught in your lies, you would feel no guilt. What you feel now isn’t remorse. You feel shame that you were caught. You feel sadness that you have lost me and your son…but do not lie to me, and say you’re sorry, because you aren’t.”

Isabella’s head jerked up quickly. Tears lined her face, and her swollen, red eyes might have been believable to someone else, but John stared back at her without emotion. Isabella spoke with a low voice laced with hatred, “You’re right. If you hadn’t come to Salem, I would have been happy keeping you to myself. Our life was good—”

“—I was miserable! You knew that—”

“—But I didn’t care, because you were mine. Marlena should have died! That baby she’s carrying should have died!” Isabella spat. “Because you married me. Because you were mine! She was gone for five years. She wasn’t here for you, I was!”

“She couldn’t be. You know that. She was in a coma!”

“She walked out on your family!”

John stared at his ex-wife and wondered in that moment how unhinged she might actually be. According to her psyche report given to the police, skewed thinking didn’t constitute an insanity plea. Isabella was sane enough to be sentenced, and sent to prison. The last thing John said, before walking out of the Salem PD was, “Marlena is the strongest, most loving woman, I know. She wouldn’t have left me, or her children willingly. She woke up, and the first thing she did was fight her way home. She did not walk out on her family.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  

“Dad?” Sami said in exasperation. “Can you trust us to do this?”

Trust Sami, Eric, and Carrie to plan his wedding to Marlena? Could he trust them? Looking his daughter in the eyes, he said with a sigh, “Yes, I’m going to trust you with this, as long as it’s in the location I told you.”

“I have no idea why you want to get married there, but I understand the expectation, and the location has been set,” she said, running to grab a piece of paper off of the kitchen counter. “Oh! Also, I forgot to tell you. Uncle Bo called while you were gone.”

John and Marlena had only spoken to him the night before at the hospital, and he was surprised to hear from him so soon. Sami handed him the paper, mumbling, “It was a weird message. He was extremely rude, and just barked ‘write this down’. So, I wrote it down.”

John’s eyes scanned the paper, and his mind flashed a myriad of horrific memories. John hanging from the ceiling of a dark, dank room. Stefano DiMera breathing his sour breath in John’s face. A series of injections. Photos of the people of Salem. His eyes read the paper again, Maison Blanche. New Orleans.

His fist crumpled the paper in his hand, and Sami looked at him with growing concern, “Daddy?”

Barely able to speak, John looked at her and said, “I need to call Abe. Now.”

Chapter 42

The storm was raging over the white plantation house. Lightening casting an ominous glow over the place as thunder roared, and sheets of rain pelted the structure. Bo stood outside in awe of it, until he heard screams, and shouting. He took the stairs up to the front veranda two at a time, and pushed the front door, which was already open, much wider. The foyer was empty, devoid of movement, but water was all over the floor of the entryway. Outside the rain still roared, and in the room to the left, Bo heard more shouting.

“What did you do to me?” Roman roared. “Why am I remembering things…having memories that aren’t mine? What the fuck did you do to me, Stefano?”

“Rolf! Rolf!” Bo heard Stefano yell. “Rolf how did he get in here?” There was a short pause, and the Stefano said, “Put the gun down Roman. You don’t want to hurt Gina, do you?”

Gina? There was someone else in the room. A female. Bo knew he should have waited for back up before he left Salem. He knew that. Instead he’d foolishly gone after his brother.

Roman sneered, “Gina? Is that who she thinks she is? Just like John thought he was Roman? Just like I think, I’m Roman? And yet…sometimes, I have dreams where I’m someone else. You call her Gina, but from where I’m standing she looks an awful lot like Hope Williams Brady.”

Without thought, Bo burst through the door, staring at the scene before him. His mind kept repeating, Hope Williams Brady. In a mad search his eyes scanned the room, landing on Stefano, who stood near the fireplace. In his arms was a woman who looked very much like Hope. His heart stuttered and clenched in his chest. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. It was Hope. He could feel it in his body. It was Hope, and Stefano’s arm had her pinned to him as a shield against the gun Roman had pointed at his chest. 

Bo breath caught in his throat, and he pointed his gun at Stefano, “Let her go.”

Stefano laughed, “Oh, this is rich! Did you come here come together? The two Brady brothers unite against Stefano DiMera?” Stefano continued to laugh, and silently pray that Rolf had heard his cries, or perhaps Celeste had alerted Rolf. 

Bo tried to hold his aim steady, but the woman in Stefano’s arms stared at him with shock, and a vague sense of recognition. 

Roman laughed, “Brady brothers? Stefano with what’s going on in my head, I’m not even sure I am Roman Brady! What the fuck did you do to me head?”

Stefano started to say, “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, Rom—”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Roman yelled. “You do know! You know, and if you don’t start talking, I have no need for you, and I’ll fucking shoot you right here.”

Bo’s mind was whirling. He couldn’t take his eyes off the woman in Stefano’s arms. Her dark hair, her green eyes as they bored into his. The woman Stefano had called Gina, but Roman had insinuated might be Hope. Stefano looked nervous, glancing again towards the door to his right as if he were expecting someone any moment.

“Stefano,” Gina whispered. “You’re holding me so tightly…it hurts.”

“Shut up!” Stefano says glancing at her quickly. 

Another woman enters the room, saying “Stefano—” and stops short. 

As she retreats quickly, Stefano yells after her, “Get Rolf! He knows what to do.”

Roman laughed, “I know what he’s going to do. Do you think I care? I knew before I came here what was going to happen to me, but I’m not going down tonight unless I take you with me. You put a fucking chip in John’s head.” Stefano’s eyes got large, and Roman laughed, “Thought we didn’t know about that didn’t you? You’ve got one in my head, too. I know it. I can feel it when I black out, and wake up in places I don’t recognize. I know it when I wake from dreams full of memories that don’t belong to Roman, but instead belong to another of your mercenaries!” Looking at Gina he said, “I can almost guarantee she’s got one implanted in her head, too. She recognizes Bo. I can see it. She knows him, but she can’t place the how or the why.”

Bo’s eyes land on Roman for a moment, and then go back to Gina in a desperate hope for recognition, “Do you know me?”

She’s scared. Stefano has always taken care of her. He’s been a father to her, but she can’t remember a life before him, except in her dreams. She dreams of the man standing in front of her. Bo. Instead of answering him, she continues to stare at him. He’s older, but his dark hair, and his beard, she can remember how they feel under her fingertips. She knows him.

Rolf comes running clumsily around the corner with a device in his hands, and he says, “Roman! Put down the gun!”

Without hesitation, Roman fires his weapon, shooting Stefano DiMera dead center on his forehead. The large man slumps to the ground as his blood sprays across the wall behind him. Gina and Celeste scream, and Rolf hits a button on the device in his hand. Roman drops to the floor instantly dead. No warning. No precursor. Bo knows from looking at him, he’s gone. Celeste continues screaming, her body laying over Stefano while her fingers lovingly stroke his face.  Bo stand in momentary shock, before shakily aiming his gun at Rolf, and shooting him in the shoulder. Just as he’s about to fire again, Abe rushes in with ISA agents, and chaos ensues. Throughout it all a woman named Gina can’t take her eyes off of the man they all call Bo. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Friday August 30, 1996

The weather that evening was amazing. A soft breeze blew in off of the river, combining with the scent of lilacs, as John stared at the most beautiful woman he had ever known in his life. Getting married on Pier 29 may have been something that surprised most of the people that knew them, but when Marlena realized what was happening, and the location that John chosen for their wedding, she’d begun to cry, and been scolded by Sami for marring her make-up. 

They had so many memories on Pier 29. Memories of when he came to Salem as John Black, memories of their time together when he was Roman, and when she returned to Salem, Pier 29 was where they came together again. Marrying John there, held a significance that only they could ever fully understand. Making her way towards John, she felt the joy, and love coming from the people around her, and she felt her soul bathe in it. For the first time since John had left her behind in 1992, she felt complete.

As Marlena approached John, she watched his eyes light up. He scanned her body, and reached for her hand, pulling her closer. Brady giggled, and Gertie said, “Mama!” Sami had dressed Brady in a suit with short pants, and Gertie was wearing a blue dress, and, at her own choosing, a baby blue wig of curls with a flower headband. Eric was smiling at her, and Carrie touched her arm softly, but it was Sami, her daughter, her rock and her best friend, who tugged her close, and whispered, “He finally pulled his head out of his ass.”

Marlena laughed, looking into her daughters teary blue eyes, and she said, “He certainly did, didn’t he?”

“Are you two talking about me again,” John asked, pulling Marlena closer. 

She kissed him softly on the lips, and whispered, “Yes.”

Father Jansen cleared his throat with a smile, and asked them, “Are we ready to begin?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Stefano was dead. Roman was dead. And a woman named Celeste, as well as an injured Dr. Wilhelm Rolf were under arrest. Bo sat in a hospital in New Orleans with the woman known as Gina. An ISA doctor told her there was a mass in her neck that was similar to the one removed from John Black. The same type they believed to be in the body of Roman Brady. A chip that contained the capability to kill a person with the simple touch of a button.

She looked at Bo with fear. Unable to trust anyone else, although she couldn’t explain why, she asked him, “What if they remove it, and I forget who I am?”

“John had his removed. He was confused for a few weeks, but his memories came back. All of them. The ones he’d had as a child, the ones he’d had as Roman…and even the ones he’d had recently,” Bo told her softly. “He didn’t lose himself. Is that what you’re worried about?”

She found herself getting lost in his deep brown eyes, “I trust you, but I don’t know why.”

“Gina…I have a feeling I might know why, but I don’t want to push you. I don’t want to overwhelm you right now, but I worry, if that chip in your neck has the capability to do what just happened to my brother, you want it removed. No matter what the cost.”

Slow tears fell from her eyes, and she whispered, “I’m scared.”

“You don’t know me, Fancy Face. I know that. You have no reason to trust me, but I promise, I’m not going anywhere,” Bo said softly, reaching for her small hand, and touching her for the first time. “I will be here waiting for you.”

Gina kept watching his face for a moment, and then looked down at where her hand was held by Bo’s. It felt right, his hand holding hers. It felt like something she had been craving for years, and she’d never understood it. A longing deep in her soul. She finally said to the doctor, “Okay. You can take it out.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Just as the sun dipped down behind the skyline, John and Marlena finished their vows. When he kissed her, it was a culmination of their souls finally finding their way back together. He could feel the roundness of her belly pressed against him, and he felt the thump of his son’s feet kick against Marlena’s abdomen. Touching her face softly, he whispered, “Do you know how much I love you, woman?”

“I think as much as I love you,” she whispered.

“Okay, you two. Go home,” Sami interrupted. “Gertie, Brady, and I are staying with Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend. I tried to plan a honeymoon, but Dad said, ‘the house is special’, so a kid free weekend at home is what you get.”

Marlena remembered their time alone in the house, when they had conceived their son, and she thought it was their last time together. She looked up at John, tears shining in her eyes, “Really?”

“This time we’ll be together in that house…knowing it’s forever. Besides, I feel like we missed some rooms the last time,” he murmured.

“Oh, G-d!” Sami cried, throwing her hands over her ears dramatically. “Stay out of our bedrooms, and I don’t want to know about the rest.”

Marlena blushed, “Samantha Gene! Sometimes I don’t know what to do with you!”

Throwing her arm around Marlena’s neck, and kissing her mother on the cheek, she said, “You know, you love it.”

“I love you,” Marlena said with a smirk. “You’re sure, you’ll be okay with the kids for the whole weekend?”

“I have help. Grandma and Grandpa are there, Carrie and Eric are going to help out,” Sami told her. “Soon enough, you and Daddy are going to have three children under the age of five. Enjoy your time alone now,” she finished with a laugh.

Gertie tugged at Marlena’s dress, and John swooped her up into his arms, “Hey there, munchkin.”

“You’s mayweed?” she asked with seriousness.

John twirled one of Gertie’s blue curls around his finger, and kissed his daughter’s forehead softly, “We are, and we’re a family. All of us.”

“And new baby?”

Marlena stepped closer to John, and nuzzled her daughters neck, “And the new baby. Are you excited?”

Gertie nodded her head, just as Brady ran into John’s legs excitedly. Lifting Brady into his other arm, John asked Brady, “Are you ready to spend the weekend with Grandma and Grandpa?”

“Yes!” Brady said excitedly. “Gwampa makes fish and chips, and Gwama makes chowder!”

“So you like them for the food?” John asked Brady with a laugh.

Brady stared at his father with a serious expression, and then leaned forward, whispering in his ear, “Is Marwena my Mama now?”

John was surprised by the question, but he whispered back, “What would you like to call her?”

Brady looked at Marlena as she watched the byplay between father and son, and he whispered to his father, “Mama.”

“I think she’d be okay with that Brady. I think Marlena would love that.”

“You can be my Mama now?” Brady asked Marlena softly.

Reaching for the small boy, and pulling him into her arms, Marlena cried, “Yes. Yes, I can be your Mama.”

Chapter 44

November 15, 1996

The family surrounded Gertie at the fish market, as she sat in front of her Blues Clues birthday cake. Marlena was a few days past her due date, and feeling massive, but she refused to take it easy. Gertie turning three was a huge milestone, especially after everything the small girl had been through. Her hair was growing back, and her head was covered with a soft halo of dark brown curls. She continued to wear the elastic headband with the large sequin bow, and again, she sat at the table as if she were holding court. In front of her was a Blues Clues birthday cake with three candles.

Just as the last notes of the Happy Birthday song rang out, Marlena gasped softly, “Oh, no!”

John saw the puddle at her feet, and he smiled at her broadly, “You ready for this, Baby?”

“Do I have a choice?” she asked him with wide eyes.

Brady laughed loudly, “Mama peed hew pants!”

Caroline lifted Brady, and said, “Your Mama is about to have a baby.”

“You pee yow pants when you have a baby?” he asked with confusion.

“I want cake!” Gertie said loudly, shoving her hands into the sugary confection in front of her, and pushing her fingers towards her wide mouth.

Shawn shook his head at the chaos, and looking at John, told him, “You get Marlena to the hospital. Caroline and I, we can take care of the children.”

Sami stepped in front of her mother, staring her in the eyes, and told her, “Daddy’s with you this time. You’ve got this.”

Remembering Gertie’s birth, Marlena whispered, “He is, isn’t he?”

“Mom,” Sami said, “Go. Be the brave, amazing, strong woman, we all know you are, and I’ll be there later to meet my little brother.”

Marlena turned to John, “Do we have the bag?”

John kissed her gently, “It’s been in the car for the last week, Baby. We’re ready.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Four hours later, Marlena gave one last push, bringing her child into the world, while John brushed her sweaty hair from her forehead, and told her how amazing she was. They heard their child’s cry for the first time, and then stared at Dr. Bader in shock, when she proclaimed, “Oh! You tricked us didn’t you, little lady!”

“A girl?” Marlena said laughing. “It’s a girl?”

John wrapped his palm around the nape of her neck, and kissed her, “I’m definitely outnumbered.”

“Go check her…while they clean her up…please…”

Their daughter stared up at him with wide eyes as she screamed the announcement of her birth to whole labor and delivery unit. “You, my little miracle, remind of Sami,” John said, softly running his fingertip over his daughters forehead. “What a surprise you turned out to be. We don’t even have a named picked out.”

The nurse handed John the baby, and he brought her to Marlena. Marlena smiled, holding her arms out, “Well…we have a middle name picked out.”

John’s eyebrow cocked up, and he laughed, “You’re really going to allow Gertie and Brady to pick their sisters middle name?”

“I am,” she said sternly, staring at her daughter with adoration. “I promised them.”

He marveled over his daughter, “I can’t believe we had a girl.”

“Ultrasounds aren’t completely accurate. An umbilical cord can fool any qualified professional, besides…the surprise of it is going to be a beautiful memory.”

His finger ran over the baby’s soft cheek, “What do you think of Clara?”

“Clara? I think it’s beautiful.”

“I lived in a foster home once, when I was very young, with an older woman we called Ms. Clara. She was kind, soft spoken…”

Marlena touched his arm, softly trailing her fingers over his skin, “I think Clara is beautiful name.”

The door opened, and Sami carefully poked her head inside, “Dr. Bader said, you might be okay if I came in.”

“Come here, and say hello to your sister,” John said, reaching for Sami’s hand, and tugging her into the room.

Glancing at the baby in Marlena’s arms she asked, “Sister?”

“Somebody is a little jokester,” John said, lifting the baby from Marlena’s arms. Passing her to Sami, he said, “Say hello to Clara Blue.”

Sami stared at her sister, with tears in her eyes, “She’s so beautiful. You two make such beautiful babies.” Looking at John she said, “Are you going to do the name change? The one Grandma and Alice spoke to you about?”

“I’m considering it,” John said. “Your Mom and I discussed it, but—”

“—I was just wondering,” Sami interrupted, “because Clara Blue Horton sounds so much better than Clara Blue Black.”

John laughed loudly, “Samantha Gene, you never are one to mince words, are you?”

“I don’t want her bullied, Dad! Names are important! Clara Blue Black sounds like a big bruise! Clara Blue Horton sounds adorable,” Sami finished.

Marlena sighed inwardly at Sami’s dramatics. “John and I talked about it, and we’ve decided to go ahead with the name change. For John, because he has no real attachment to Black as a surname. But also for Alice. She wants that connection with John so badly…and I think,” Marlena said looking at John, “…I think it’s more than that. I think you need that connection, too. It doesn’t matter to me if your name is John Black or John Thomas Horton, but I think to you…it means a lot.”

John couldn’t speak. He felt the tears in his throat, and all he could do was nod stiffly, and reach for Marlena’s hand.

Sami gazed into the blue eyes of the bundle in her arms, and stroked her hand over the light brown wisps on the top of the baby’s head, and whispered, “I think little girls named Clara get as many hugs and kisses as they want. That’s what I think.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

February 14, 1997

Dr. Bader looked at Marlena with disapproval written all over her face, “Marlena…did you even wait six weeks?”

Marlena’s face blushed a deep crimson, “I didn’t think I’d get pregnant again. We…um…”

Laughing, Dr. Bader said, “The blood test is positive. I’ll need to do an ultrasound to determine the due date, since you never had a menstrual cycle after Clara was born.”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena cried, covering her face with her hands. “Sami is never going to shut up about this!”

Dr. Bader laughed even harder, as she set up the ultrasound equipment. Handing Marlena the robe, she said, “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I think you know the drill.”

“Stop laughing!” Marlena said in exasperation. “How am I going to explain this to John?”

“I don’t think an explanation is required,” Dr. Bader said sarcastically, chuckling again as she left the room.

Marlena’s hand settled on her abdomen, and it was several moments before she started disrobing. Clara would be three months old the following day, and she was pregnant again, at the age of forty-one. They were going to have four children under the age of six and chaos would reign, yet she felt so much joy. Their life together was hectic, loud, in constant motion, and she wouldn’t change it for anything. Adding one more wouldn’t change much.

Ten minutes later, as she stared at the screen beside her, Marlena whispered in shock, “No.”

“This time, Marlena, the ultrasound is not wrong,” Dr. Bader said, in shock herself. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“And then Ben said that Thudew Cats was bettaw than Ninja Tuwtles, and I said he’s a liaw, because no way is Thudew Cats bettaw than Ninja Tuwtles. No way!” Brady said, making sure that he had the attention of everyone at the table. 

Marlena had arranged this family dinner weeks ago, inviting Eric, and Carrie. She made sure that Shawn, Caroline, and Alice were invited. She’d even had it catered, because there was no possible way she was cooking for eleven people. She was happy, and immersed in the love of a family she always wanted. 

John was pacing the dining room, trying to get Clara to calm down, since she had been suffering with reflux. Gertie had spaghetti all over the front of her chest, and in her hair, making Marlena grateful that Sami had thought to remove the child’s shirt before feeing her dinner.

And so, in the middle of the most chaotic family dinner she had ever experienced, Marlena blurted out loudly, “I’m pregnant again. I found out today, and…um…it’s twins.”

The room became instantly silent, as the eyes of everyone landed on her. The deafening silence was broken only by Sami exclaiming, “Oh, my G-d! What is wrong with you two? They make these things called condoms!”

THE END