Finding Our Way Back Home – By Sandra B

My only regret in this often painful journey is that I have only one heart
They both say they truly love me, from both of them I was kept apart
Only one can be my lover, my husband; once again I have to choose
How I wish there were some other way… that no one had to lose…

Place: Private Dining Room at Chez Vous

Roman Brady was pleading his case, spinning the wheels of his mind fast and furiously, hoping he was making an impact on Marlena’s oh so tender heart. As he looks at her, seeing her struggle between what she wants with all her heart and what she feels about their past, he thinks to himself, ‘If I have just a few more minutes alone with her I know I can sway her. She’ll give me a chance to win her heart and then.. it’s a level playing field, John.’ Roman smiles inwardly, believing he will get that time.

Just then, he hears a noise behind him and she looks up and smiles. In that split second, watching her natural reaction to the arrival of another restaurant patron, Roman knows in *his* heart whom she really loves. The smile on her face is brilliant, much like the one she used to wear when he walked into a room; her eyes sparkle like diamonds and there is no doubt in his mind who is standing in the doorway to the private dining room at Chez Vous. It is his rival for her affections, John Black.

Roman knows he has to work fast, and moves ever so slightly to block her line of sight, while asking, “So…Marlena, are you going to do what we’ve been discussing and give me another chance to win your heart?”

John is flabbergasted to learn that she has even considered the possibility and is unexpectedly frozen in place, waiting to hear her answer too. He simply cannot believe she will say yes to her ex-husband. She has pledged her love to him repeatedly, reassuring him time and time again that he is the man she truly loves, but a small part of him has doubted and he needs an honest response, so he remains still and quiet. Outwardly, John appears calm and confidant, but inside he is trembling, his heart is racing and he is sweating. He is praying to hear her say, “I’m sorry, Roman, but I love John and I’m going to marry him,” or something like it. When she hesitates.. he feels a powerful surge of anxious adrenaline flowing through his veins and he wonders…

Marlena glances nervously back and forth between the two men she has loved most in all her life and she is suddenly paralyzed, unable to speak, unable to decide and she is utterly shocked by her reaction. When she arrived at the restaurant she was absolutely certain; there was not a doubt in her mind whom she loved, whom she wanted to marry. There was no question; it was John Black, her fiance, the man she had loved for so many years now, the man she waited for, the man she prayed for God to keep safe during all that time when he was caught up in Kristen Blake’s intricate web of lies, manipulation, and deception.

As Marlena stood there feeling the pressure to respond, she began to ask herself the questions the men were sure to put to her if she didn’t give them an answer soon, ‘What am I going to do? What am I going to say?’ No matter what I do I’m going to hurt someone… ‘Oh, Dear God help me, you know that I love John with all my heart, but… hurting Roman… Oh, Roman,’ she said anxiously in her mind, as she looked at them both again, wishing with all her might that she could find a way to give them both what they wanted, yet accepting the fact that it simply wasn’t possible. It never was; she only had one heart and they both wanted it.

However, Marlena could only give it to one of these two wonderful men standing before her. It was that basic truth that had caused her and both of them more emotional pain than she ever could have conceived before the fateful day in which a tall dark and handsome stranger came into her life over a decade ago. In spite of the tremendous suffering that came as an end result of his appearance in Salem, she wouldn’t change it for anything in the world, for she had grown to love that man in ways she could only have imagined loving. And the depth of love he had demonstrated for her throughout the years was beyond description. He was willing to risk his safety or lay down his life for her without question; he had risked his very soul to save her from the most vile forms of evil, both human and supernatural. All of that meant more than words could ever say, not to mention the fact that her abiding love and overwhelming passion for him were undeniable. How could she possibly hurt him now by forsaking that love yet again, even for the moment, in favor of Roman?

Roman was pleased; the longer she was silent, the better his chances looked. He barely resisted the urge to turn around and see the expression of heartsick disappointment on John’s face as she hesitated in giving her response.

John stood there incredulously, then took two steps closer, hoping to make his presence more strongly felt, yet not wanting to pressure her. If he pushed too hard, she would break down, he could see the signs. There had been so much stress exerted upon her over the past several months and this moment was exactly what she desperately wanted to avoid. Internally, he was pleading with her, ‘Come on, Doc…say what’s in your heart. Don’t give in to the guilt, to the pressure of what everyone else wants you to do. Follow your heart Doc… just follow your heart and I’ll be right here beside you.’

She gazed deeply into John’s loving yet imploring eyes and it was like he was looking straight through to her soul, speaking to her, telling her that it was allright, that she could do what her heart told her was right, for once. She wanted nothing more than to rush into his arms and go away with him…forever. Her heart spoke to his through her eyes too, ‘Oh, John I do love you…so much! Please know that..’ they were saying to him.

Roman didn’t want to wait any longer and he definitely didn’t like the way John and Marlena were looking at each other, as if they were the only two people in the entire universe. He broke up her thoughts by touching her on the arm and she startled. “Doc… aren’t you going to give me an answer?” he asked, knowing she hated the thought of hurting him and therefore, hoping she wouldn’t be able to tell him to his face in this tense moment. The longer any decision could be delayed, the better his prospects were for long-term success with her. If he could pressure her into not choosing this evening, Roman believed that he could win her back over a period of time.

Marlena was still uncertain about what to say, but having John near, seeing his need for her, and feeling the strength of his love gave her the courage. Finally, she replied, “Oh, Roman…you know that I loved you.. very much and we had a wonderful marriage. But..you left and you made it very clear that you wanted to sever all ties. I understand that you were hurt and angry about what happened, but because you left… over time my feelings changed and John and I rediscovered our love, the love that never died. I’m sorry, but you know that I love John now and we are engaged to be married.”

As she spoke, John walked slowly toward her and by the time she finished he was standing next to her, his arm ready to go around her waist at the slightest signal that was what she wanted. He was going to take it nice and easy, no pressure if possible.

Roman watched John closely, his anger and jealousy seething inside him, but he kept it from his face. If he let that side show, she would never give him the chance he wanted. He refocused all his attention on putting doubts in the mind of the woman he loved, “Marlena… I know you think that you only love John now, but if you’re completely honest with yourself you’ll face the fact that there have been some moments where your feelings for me were being rekindled. I felt it and you did too. Remember our day out at the cabin on Smith Island, Doc?”

She looked down toward her feet, not wanting to see John’s reaction to that statement or let Roman see that maybe he was right, there were some lingering feelings. That didn’t mean she wanted to spend her life with him, yet she couldn’t lie about it. On that particular day, she did wonder momentarily whether her love for Roman might ever return.

Feeling like he had just been punched in the gut, John shut his eyes and stiffled a sigh, wanting to hide his reaction. He didn’t know they went to the Island while he was off in the jungle searching for the cure, and it hurt him to learn it this way. His heart started pounding fearfully inside his chest and he began to panic. ‘Maybe… she, Oh, man… don’t do this, please Doc… don’t let him get to you,’ he pleaded silently. John knew that he had to say something to remind her of the power and everlasting nature of their love. Still wondering what it would be, he touched her on the cheek with his right hand, causing her to look at him. He gently confronted her, “Marlena… you have told me over and over that it’s me you love now, that it’s me you want to marry, not Roman. The ONLY reason you didn’t tell him was that he was sick and you wanted to wait until he was strong enough to handle the truth. He’s healthy now and he knows.. so there’s nothing standing in our way, right?”

She gazed into his brilliant blue eyes and saw her future, the future she dreamed of for so long. She also saw pain and fear, feelings she caused by her inability to do what was in her heart, feelings caused by her guilt motivated decisions, by her inability to fight off the pressure of her family. Still, she was paralyzed to give him what he wanted, “Oh, John… I do love you…so much, but..what if..he’s right.. what if I haven’t resolved all my old feelings and I hurt you… I couldn’t bear to do that to you.. John.. I think maybe I just need some time…you know..to sort out my feelings.”

John cut her off short, shaking his head, “No..no, Doc.. don’t do this! Don’t give in to this pressure.’ John took her hands, holding them up between them and then spoke to her with passion, “You know in your heart what is right and true and that is the love we share. Marlena, we have loved each other deeply for a VERY long time and we have denied our feelings and sacrificed our happiness long enough. God knows we deserve to be happy together after everything we’ve been through, no matter what anyone else thinks we should do. I am asking you here and now… to do what you feel in your heart. For once in your life, let yourself be happy, Doc!”

This man knew her so well, he could see all the way through to her soul. He had assessed her dilemna perfectly. She wanted to please everyone, to make everyone else happy, everyone except herself. This was an impossible situation for her and it always had been; there was just no way to make everyone happy and she usually sacrificed her own desires in the attempt. However, she had to admit to herself that it was John who would lose the most this time and she couldn’t do that to him, not after everything they had both been through to find their way back to each other. Still, she vacillated when she glanced toward her ex-husband and saw the pleading expression in Roman’s eyes. All he ever did was love her and she had hurt him so much. ‘Oh, Roman!’ she said in her mind again, ‘I don’t want to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you.’

Marlena looked back toward John’s expectant but apprehensive expression. He loved her deeply and completely, more than anything else in the world and he always had. And she loved him in the same way, of that there was no question. Then there was the incredible bond of emotional and sexual intimacy between them. The kind of love they made was more intensely satisfying, more powerful in its pleasure giving ability than any drug induced euphoria ever invented, his kisses and his touch more intoxicating and enticing than any earthly temptation, and the strength and warmth of his muscular arms around her body left her feeling more safe and secure than any place she had ever been. Marlena simply couldn’t understand what was happening inside her heart and mind. If all that were true, how could there conceivably be even the slightest doubt, now when they were finally free of the chains that bound them for so long? Why couldn’t she tell Roman she had chosen John long ago and be done with it? Why couldn’t she just shout it out loud and clear for all the world to hear?

So… here I am once more, wishing I had two hearts to give
We lied to protect him, to make absolutely sure he’d live
Now I have to choose again, they both plead their case quite well
Alas, I have only one heart; to change that, my soul I would almost sell

Oh… my two great loves.. I only have one heart
I wonder if you’d love me if you’d known it from the start….

Still holding John’s hands, Marlena took a deep breath, looked toward Roman and then spoke to him with resolve, “Roman.. John is right. I do love him with all my heart and I..” She couldn’t even say it that way, “…and …we deserve a chance to be happy, to share the love we have denied for so long because of the pain it caused you and our children. The time for the guilt and sorrow for all of that is past. John and I love each other very much and we are going to be married. I hope that you can accept it and move on. I am so sorry that we lied to you, but it was what we truly believed was best for you at the time.”

Roman didn’t know what to do, or what to say, but he knew it was crucial that he find a way to make her feel just enough uncertainty to delay making a choice. She was seemingly firm in her decision, but she still couldn’t quite meet his eyes and he took that as a sign that she did still have some feelings for him. “I hear what you say, Doc… but I don’t believe you’re as sure of that as you sound or you would be able to look me in the eye, but you can’t do that, can you?” he asked, issuing a challenge to her, and John as well.

John had noticed it too, but didn’t want to acknowledge it his heart. Somehow hearing Roman voice it was threatening, and he started scrambling for cover. He instinctively put his arm around Marlena, pulling her slowly toward him in a distinctively territorial move, as if that act alone could make her certain, as if it could put away any doubts she might have. John knew in his head that it couldn’t, but he hoped that maybe Roman would give up or maybe she would find the strength to do it if she was wrapped in the safety of his warm embrace. “Marlena?” he asked with a mildly fearful tone that she didn’t miss. She couldn’t look at John either and she prayed for divine intervention but didn’t seem to receive it.

Roman pushed her, knowing he was getting to her, “Doc, can you? Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you have absolutely no feelings of romantic love for me, absolutely no doubts about marrying John?”

John panicked when she hesitated again… ‘Oh, God… no… she’s gonna cave in.. No…God.. don’t let this happen, please!’ he pleaded in silent anguish. He gently took her face in his hands, forcing her to look him in the eyes and he got his answer. It was no… she couldn’t do what Roman asked of her. Even though he saw that truth, his heart denied it and John implored her say what he desperately needed to hear, “Doc… please tell him… tell him you don’t have any doubts!”

The agony in his face pierced her soul, but she couldn’t lie to him; he deserved total honesty. Though she couldn’t begin to understand why, she knew she couldn’t meet his pleading request. “I’m sorry, John.. but I… can’t!” she said, feeling all of his pain and more for herself as moisture formed in her eyes. Putting a hand over her mouth, she cried out her apology, “Oh, God… I’m so sorry, John!” She stared regretfully into his deeply wounded expression, for a fleeting moment. Seeing his tears, tears born of the pain she caused him was too much to bear, and she turned and fled the restaurant as salty droplets fell from two pairs of disheartened eyes. Her sudden departure left both men standing there in stunned silence, wondering what came next.

John tilted his head back and cried out in anguish, “No! NO!” Then in the next instant he turned toward Roman, whose face bore a sickeningly smug expression and John wanted nothing more than to beat that smirk off his face. Instead, he only looked at Roman with anger and contempt, saying with a quivering voice, “I hope you’re happy, Roman…. because all you did was… cause her pain for hurting me.. and delay the inevitable. She’s gonna figure it out… sooner or later; she’ll realize that it’s me she really loves and you will have caused her all this…pain and confusion, for nothing.”

Roman was not about to let John win this battle of words or the war for Marlena’s heart, at least not without a strong offensive. Stepping closer to his rival, he countered firmly, “We’ll see about that, John.. You were so sure of yourself when you swaggered in here, weren’t you? You thought she was all yours…and all that was left was for you to claim your prize, but you were wrong. She’s falling for me again and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it!” he said confidantly.

John stood inches away from his rival, with fists poised for a fight. If Roman gave him the slightest reason, he would punch the man’s lights out, so-called friend or not. There had been a tremendous amount of pent up frustration for many months and he was well beyond his limits. Staring the man down, forcing himself to keep the anger from causing him to lose control, he said through harsh labored breaths, “She.. belongs with me and in her heart she knows that. All you did was use her tender heart against her, her lingering sense of guilt about the past to make her question that, but it won’t work in the long run, Roman. She will eventually recognize it for what it is and in the mean time, she’ll be hurting because of what she just did to me.. and to herself. Damn you, Roman Brady! Damn you!” With that, John turned and walked away, preparing to leave the restaurant to find Marlena, hoping she would talk to him.

Roman kept up the pressure, trying to make John lose his cool and start a fight, a fight he’d wanted to have for four years. “I think you’re scared, John! You’re afraid that if she doesn’t agree to marry you right away you’re going to lose her. I’m gonna win her back, John. I’m gonna steal her away from you the way you stole her from me and I can’t wait for you to hurt like I did on the day of Belle’s Christening!”

That was it! John rushed back across the room and grabbed Roman roughly by the collar of his tux, saying through clenched teeth, “No! That’s not going to happen, Roman! She loves ME now, and we WILL be married! That’s a fact!”

Roman did battle within himself. The rational side tried to stay calm and wait for John to let him go, but the angry jealous part won out because he had wanted an excuse to slug John Black for a very long time and now he had it. As he struggled out of John’s fierce grasp, he took a wild swing at the man’s head which his opponent ducked easily out from under. John immediately raised his hands as if to say that he didn’t want to fight and then he said so, “Roman… I’m sorry, but I don’t want to fight with you, I never did. This is no competition. Marlena is a grown woman who knows her own mind and I trust her to do what is right for herself. It may take her awhile, but I believe she’ll choose me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find her and make sure she’s okay.”

Roman didn’t say anything more, realizing it was pointless. He was feeling strong and proud; he had won the first little skirmish in the battle for Marlena’s heart and he needed to get busy trying to devise a strategy to win the next one. “One way or the other, she’s gonna be mine again, John,” he said quietly, but confidantly as he watched his rival storm out of the private dining room in which both men had hoped to share a romantic evening with the woman they loved.

Marlena rushed out of Chez Vous and out into the street in tears; she simply couldn’t believe that she wasn’t able to look Roman in the eye and say the words he challenged her to say. It took her completely by surprise after what she had just told him about her love and her intention to marry John. She needed time to think, to try to understand her own actions. Therefore, although it was cold and she wasn’t dressed for it, Marlena walked for a long while and ended up at the pier to think about what had just transpired. As she walked along the familiar wooden surface, peering up at the night sky, she kept asking herself over and over, ‘Why, Marlena? Why couldn’t you tell him?’ It was her voice she heard and then at some point she asked it again and along with it there was John’s trembling tearful voice asking the same question of her.

She turned around slowly, wishing there were some way to avoid seeing the pain she knew he was feeling, and there he stood in that black leather jacket she loved so much; he looked so masculine, so sexy when he wore it. His blue eyes glistened with the tears she had put in them and it brought moisture to her own eyes to view the sight. She hung her head and whispered with trepidation and uncertainty, “I don’t know… I’m so sorry, John. You must hate me now.”

He was weeping softly, but he shook his head slightly as he stepped closer and put a gloved hand beneath her chin, tipping it up so she looked at him, “No.. I could never hate you, Doc. But.. I can’t say that you didn’t…hurt me just now. I don’t understand this, Marlena. For months you’ve been telling me not to doubt your love for me and tonight…finally it was out in the open and you had a chance to break your ties with Roman, but you couldn’t close the door on the past. It….hurts, Doc…it hurts so much!” he cried.

She touched his wet cheek, wiping away a few wayward tears and said softly, “I know..John.. I know it does, but I couldn’t lie to you. Roman made me think about what might happen if I go ahead and marry you now..if there *are* old feelings that aren’t resolved I could end up hurting you so much more in the long run. So..I think it’s best if I take some time to make sure that the past is completely behind me. And then you and I can be married with absolutely no doubts.”

John took her firmly in his arms and shared his fears with intensity, wishing she would change her mind, “Oh Marlena… why does this feel like goodbye? I’m scared Doc.. I don’t want to lose you! We’ve been through so much to be together.. Marlena… we were at the church. Five more minutes… just five more minutes and we would have been married! How can you stand here and tell me you don’t want that anymore?” John was crying openly by this time, the fear of having to give her up yet again was so strong.

She wept right along with him, feeling some of that same fear. Again, she touched his face tenderly, then reassured him of that desire, “Oh, I do… John, I do want that, more than anything else in my life…but I want there to be absolutely no questions, no unresolved issues for either one of us.”

The pent-up frustration with her inability to commit to him in marriage flared swiftly. He let her go and raised his voice to a shout, “There aren’t any…for ME! Marlena, you told me so many times.. I love YOU, John, only YOU. Were you lying to me all those times?” he asked her accusingly, anxiously searching her eyes for an answer he could understand and live with.

Her heart was breaking for both of them, “Oh… John, no…you know that I would never lie to you about something like that. I don’t.. love him…not the way that I love you. There is no doubt in my mind about that.”

“Then why the delay, Marlena? I’m so confused. What exactly are you saying to me, here?” he asked, feeling utterly exasperated with her and their situation.

“I’m saying, I want to go into this marriage with a completely clean slate. I want to put the past behind us forever. I need to help Roman understand that it’s over for he and I, that I am not running into your arms because I am afraid of any lingering feelings I might have for him. To do that, I need to take some time.” It made so much sense to her, but obviously didn’t to John. She could see him reacting more strongly, his frustration increasing with each word she spoke.

He shook his head and argued vehemently, “No.. Doc! That’s his problem, not ours! He needs to find a way to understand it on his own; it’s not your job to help him with it.” Placing his hands squarely on her shoulders, he gazed deeply into the hesitant eyes of the woman he loved, showing her all of that love and willing her to hear him and take a stand for their relationship, “Please, Doc.. don’t let your guilt about hurting him in the past cloud your judgement and keep you from being happy with me. That is what he wants, it’s what they all want, Sami, Eric and Roman. They want to play on your sense of family loyalty and guilt to make you let go of me and marry him again, can’t you see that?” he confronted her, wishing she would share his perspective on the whole sorry mess that Kristen, and presumably Stefano had devised in the first place.

She denied his assertion that she was being swayed by the others, “John…. this is my choice, not theirs. I am not doing this because they have pressured me to do it.”

He frowned and wrinkled his brow in disbelief that she couldn’t see how easily she was being manipulated by her ex-husband and children. “Oh, come on, Doc! You started out this evening to tell him the truth about us so we could be together and get married like we planned, right? And then.. you talked to him and all of a sudden you put our plans on hold even longer…for what.. so he can understand?” John’s anger and frustration took control and he laid all his cards on the table, “Marlena.. this makes no sense to me! You’ve had months to think about this… Now, either you love me and want to marry me or you don’t! Come find me when you decide which it is!” John turned away from her angrily, planning to leave her alone with her thoughts.

“John… don’t go..not like this! Don’t be angry with me, please! I love you!” she cried, pleading with him, tugging on his coat sleeve.

There was such pain in his eyes and in his voice as he shook his head and said dejectedly, but with passion, “I love you too…so much, but I can’t do this anymore! It hurts too much to want you, to need you. All these months apart, no.. years apart! I have missed you so much! I ACHE for you, Marlena.. to hold you in my arms, to make love to you! You told me… wait, John, he’s so sick. I want him to have a nice Christms.. wait until the holidays are over, wait until we’re sure the cure worked, wait until he’s stronger, John! Now the truth is finally out there and you want me to keep on waiting!” With a few remaining salty droplets trickling out of his heartbroken eyes he said, “Well, I just can’t do it anymore, Doc!” He turned away again and didn’t look back as he climbed the stairs.

Not able to do what he wanted and not knowing what else to say to make him stay at the moment, Marlena wordlessly watched him go and then sat down on the bench and cried her eyes out, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. It was just as John described. When the evening started she had fully intended to tell Roman the truth about her love for John and her plans to marry him and then she expected to spend the rest of the night in John’s arms…blissfully making love to him. Somewhere along the line the conversation, indeed the entire evening, had spiraled out of control and she ended up hurting the man she loved with all her heart, the man she had told repeatedly not to doubt the strength and depth of her love and her commitment to marry him as soon as the truth was revealed. “Oh God! How did it come to this? I love, John now.. with all of my heart, so… why can’t I just tell Roman that our love is in the past and let him go? What is stopping me from marrying John and allowing myself to be truly happy with him?”

I love him
Of that much I can be sure
I don’t think I could endure
If I let him walk away
When I have so much to say……

Marlena sat on the bench at the pier for a long while, thinking of how to handle the situation in which she had just placed herself. There was a one word answer to the question she was repeatedly asking herself; it was guilt, plain and simple, guilt with a capital G. Actually it was more like that word was all in capital letters, ruling much of her life for the past several years. Guilt for hurting Roman by having an affair with John, guilt for destroying her own family, guilt for having an illegitimate child, guilt for not giving that child the family she deserved. And, then there was the guilt for hurting John, for not telling him how much she loved him, for not breaking her ties to Roman when she’d loved John all along. There was so much Guilt! How tired she was of that emotion…

She reviewed her life, crazy as it was. Okay.. so you fell in love with Roman Brady and you loved him with your whole heart, but then you thought he died. Then…another wonderful man came along and you fell in love with him.’ Thinking back to those early days, some images of her and John came to mind… The sign-in sheet arguments… pest spray, Good Guy with a capital G, the wilderness, the intensity of the love she felt for him even when she thought he could be Stefano Dimera, the man she believed killed Roman. She loved him even when he was holding her captive in that wilderness. When she saw his fear, his desperation, and the tenderness in his eyes, and his touch when she was hurt and sick… despite his sometimes harsh words.. she was moved and she couldn’t hate him. She loved him as desperately as he loved her; even then they couldn’t deny it. They could never deny it.

As she recalled his hospital room proposal a month or two later, then their wedding and the subsequent months together, she said in her mind, ‘Admit it Marlena, you loved him deeply and completely; it was a truly amazing love, much stronger than what you ever felt before and you wanted him to be Roman because it made you feel that it was allright to love him, but he wasn’t Roman. Because of the love that you simply couldn’t deny, you hurt Roman very much. Then he left you and pushed a divorce on you and was gone for several years. You moved on and rediscovered your love for John and just when you planned to marry him, a man you thought you had buried returned, forcing you to put those plans on hold. You didn’t tell him because you didn’t want to hurt him again, because he was dying. The truth is out there, all the lies are exposed. So… Marlena, why can’t you just let go of the past, why do you let this old guilt for hurting him and the family keep you from sharing a life with the man you have loved from almost the moment you met him? Why don’t you deserve to be happy with John?’

I’ve been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can’t let the chance
To love him pass you by

Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon
Rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper
Tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself….

As she searched herself, the answer came to her. It was something she should have known from the start. ‘Because you never should have fallen in love with him in the first place.’ In her mind, she was guilty of commiting some terrible crime because she loved John when her heart should have still belonged to Roman Brady, the real Roman Brady. ‘Marlena, you thought he was dead, for goodness sake and it was more than a year… you didn’t have any idea he was alive and being held somewhere.’ She pictured John’s face in her mind, and Roman’s, then proceeded to ask herself some more questions, “Have I been punishing myself all these years because I let myself fall in love again or because I loved John more, or both?

She nodded her head and confronted the honest truth, “Yes…it’s true…even then I loved him more than I ever loved Roman, so much more,” she said passionately, remembering the overwhelming love and desire they felt and the intensity of the love they made during their brief affair. It made her warm inside, just to think of being with him. “Oh, Marlena when will it end? When will you stop punishing yourself for that sin? And more importantly, when will you stop punishing John for it? When will you stop punishing him for coming here, for affecting you the way he does, for making you lose your precious control! He is innocent!”

Touch him
With the gentleness you feel inside
Your love can’t be denied
The truth will set you free
You’ll have what’s meant to be
All in time you’ll see….

‘The love you share with him is everything he said it is, it’s good and right and true. We have literally been through hell together and apart and we finally found our way back to each other. We admitted that we have loved each other for so very long, and we have sacrificed our happiness over and over in favor of other people. John is right, it’s our turn; we deserve to be happy together! We deserve to share our lives in love and marriage like we planned!’

Love is the light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It’s a steady flame that grows
Feel the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume it’s place
This memory time cannot erase
Your faith will lead love where it has to go….

The longer her internal dialogue continued, the more convinced she became that she was going to find the inner strength to tell Roman that she had no more romantic feelings for him. She would explain to him that her decision to delay was motivated by guilt and the desire to make up for the past, not because of doubts about her love or her desire to marry John.

* * *
John went for a long walk himself, feeling utterly bewildered, wondering how in the hell it had all gone so wrong so quickly. One minute she was telling Roman she loved and planned to marry John, and the next she was crying and running out of the restaurant. “Dammit! I don’t get it! How did he do it?” he yelled out into the darkness that surrounded him. How did he…work her over so thoroughly that she changed her tune so fast? ‘Oh, Doc… I thought you were strong enough this time… I really thought you were gonna let him go and stay with me. I thought that we would be spending the night together, celebrating our love.’

I want to know why
You’re letting this die
Without the blink of an eye
You say that you need time
I’ll say you’ll be fine…

Reaching into his pocket, his hand found the engagement ring he had been carrying with him for quite some time. Holding it out in front of him he spoke to her out loud, “Oh, Marlena… I thought I was going to put this ring back on your finger tonight. Dammit!” John was so devastated by the outcome of the evening that a part of him was sorely tempted to throw the thing in the river and let her make her misguided guilt-driven choice to go back to Roman Brady to please everyone else in her life. If she wasn’t strong enough to do what would make her happy, maybe he should just give her up and move on with his life. He laughed at himself harshly, “Right.. John, who do you think you’re kidding?” You can’t let her go…she’s as much a part of you as your very own soul. You can never let her go, at least not until you’ve done everything humanly possible, and then some to win her, to convince her to do what’s right for herself, for once.

If you would only see
Like you did before
You became imprisoned
Can I reopen the door

Once we were one mind
Drifting in one time
And ever true
We were friends
But something is gone from my
Picture of this life

If we could only see
Like we did before
We became imprisoned?
Can I reopen the door…….

Suddenly he turned to his Lord, tearfully pleading for help, “Dear God…don’t let it be over… I can’t..lose her again! Please, God.. help her find it within herself to let go of the guilt, to let go of the past and embrace the future, our future. Help her to see that it’s me she loves and that time won’t change anything about that, that it’s me she has always loved, just as she has been the greatest love of my life. Give her strength and wisdom, Lord, to see that her children and Roman are manipulating her into making the choice they want. Please don’t make me give her up.”

Take me back in the arms l love
Need me like you did before
Touch me once again
And remember when
There was no one that you wanted more

Don’t go, you know you will break my heart
He won’t love you like I will
I’m the one who’ll stay
When he walks away
And you know I’ll be standing here still…

He went wandering around the city for hours, thinking of the brief summer reunion and all the hopes and dreams they shared, dreams he thought were going to come finally going to come true. Tonight was to be the night she made them real. She seemed so sure of her love for him then, so sure that they belonged together for the rest of their lives. ‘And all this time, she’s been telling me the same thing… that it was ME! With tears in his eyes, tears that had been begging to escape their boundaries for hours, he cried out to the silent stillness of the dark night, “Oh, Doc.. I don’t understand! Why can’t you choose me now, why can’t you commit to me?” he cried out to the heavens, praying for an answer.

I’ll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I’m the one who wants to love you more
Can’t you see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more…..

After a long time, he found he was growing tired and headed on back toward his temporary home, the Salem Inn, thinking how foolish he had been when he first checked in. He had told himself that it was only going to be a few weeks, but in reality it turned into several months. As he walked wearily down the hallway, his mind made him realize that it was time he got himself a place of his own, that his dream of marrying Marlena and spending his life with her might never come true. Buying a house for himself and his son would be so difficult for him; it would mean admitting to himself and everyone else that she probably wasn’t ever going to marry him. Nevertheless, Brady deserved better than to be staying at the Penthouse with the nanny and a woman who might possibly someday be his mother. He should be with his father, his only parent.

As John turned the key and entered the room, he said out loud, a lone tear sliding slowly down his cheek, “That’s it, tomorrow I’m going house hunting. I’m not gonna keep living in this dreamworld anymore. If she wants me she’s going to have to come to me. I’m through with the pleading and trying to convince her of what’s right, of what’s best for her. It’s up to her now.” He was taken totally by surprise, his breath left him and his heart skipped a beat when he looked up and saw that there was someone sitting on the bed in the dark.

Someone was waiting for him…..

Believe in me, I will make you see
All the things that your heart needs to know

And some way
All the love we had can be saved
Whatever it takes we’ll find a way……..

John stood transfixed in the frame of the door from the shock of seeing someone in his room, his long lean figure illuminated by the light emanating from the hallway and she stared at him, trying to discern his mood. She had heard what he said and understood completely, yet it hurt to hear him sound as though he was giving up on her.

“Doc….is that you?” he asked, expectantly.

“Yes, John…it’s me. I think we have some more talking to do, don’t you?” she asked uncertainly.

While walking across the room, he took his leather coat off and laid the keys on the desk across from the bed, without looking at her. “No…I think you have some decisions to make, I’ve said all I have to say about it,” he told her firmly. He was leaving it in her hands. If something were going to change, it was going to be because she made a different choice.

She nodded in agreement, “Fair enough… Allright then, I have some talking to do, will you listen?”

He wasn’t going to make it easy, “Depends… if you want to keep on explaining why you want to wait, to make me..understand, then never mind. I don’t want to hear it.”

Marlena winced at his tone as well as his words, “Ooh.. you are very angry with me, aren’t you? Not so hurt now.”

John shrugged uncertainly and said, “I don’t know…it’s a tossup, moment to moment. You happened to hit me on an angry one. So…what did you want to say, Doc? It’s late and I’m tired.” He crossed his arms in front of him and leaned back against the desk.

She sighed…he was very angry, and she wondered if he would even hear her. “John… I can see that you’re hurt and angry and I understand why, but I think you need to see this from my perspective. I loved him…once, very much, and hurting him is so…difficult. I…”

He cut her off; he was growing weary of hearing people talk about how much Roman was hurt over the years. John had been suppressing his feelings about all that had happened to him for a long time and hearing her say it again was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. He suddenly and unexpectedly, to both of them, lost control of his emotions and the pain escaped from its formerly safe hiding place deep inside him. “You know.. I am getting *so*…tired of hearing you say that! What about me, Marlena? Don’t you…think that I feel pain? Do you have any idea how much it hurt me when you let him go back to the Penthouse…while I came to this.. damn hotel! ..when you gave me back the ring? Don’t you know that it…tears my heart out to realize that the Twinners hate me now? Do you think that I don’t…hurt when Sami and Eric practically spit in my face, after *I* raised them?” he asked, pointing to his chest to emphasize his point. “Marlena, I don’t talk about it because it won’t change anything, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it!”

Tears were beginning to form behind his wounded eyes and Marlena felt the same moisture fill hers in empathy for his pain. “Oh.. John..” she cried, covering her mouth to contain her reaction.

He stopped talking to catch his breath and she was going to say something else, but decided not to because he seemed to have more to tell, moving around the room as he spoke with great frustration, “I lost EVERYTHING when he came back and it still hurts! It still hurts me all the way to my soul that I am not their father, that I don’t have.. parents and a brother and sisters who love me, that you were never really MY wife! So, would you…please.. do me a simple favor and stop talking about how much he has suffered, about how you hate the thought of hurting him. I get the point, Doc!” His breathing was ragged from the powerful expression of emotion, his eyes were flooded with tears that he willed himself to contain within the confines of his eyelids, and he looked away from her, wishing to God that he could have kept it all locked up tight where he believed it belonged.

See me, as if you never knew
Hold me, so you can’t let go
Just believe in me
I will make you see
All the things your heart needs to know….

She was shocked at the depth of the pain he had just revealed; he never brought it up and he was always so quick to dismiss it when she talked about what Stefano had done to him, about the kids being so terribly rude to him..all of it. Now, she knew the truth, he was hurting all these years, every bit as much or more than Roman. Getting up from the bed to approach him, she said empathetically, “Oh, my God… John.. I didn’t… realize how much you were still hurting about all of it. I’m sorry. You always move on so quickly when it comes up, you always seemed so…strong to me, I… didn’t know, John.”

Wiping a few determined tears away from his slightly flushed cheeks, John said, “I *was* strong, Doc… because you needed me to be strong. I will always love you and I will always be…what you need me to be, but there is one thing I won’t do for you anymore and that is…take second place in your life!” His voice started to shake and his lips began to quiver as he opened up his heart, “Now.. either you love me…more than him, or you don’t. If you choose him this time… it’s over… forever, Marlena because I can’t go through this again.”

Shutting his eyes, wishing he could force the pain back down, but knowing it was too fresh, too raw, John said firmly with the agony of believing she was going to leave him, ” I WON’T go through it again because it hurts too much… to almost have you.. to make….love to you and then …watch you walk away from me…and go to him! So…unless you came here to tell me you’ve chosen me… I want you to leave…now!” He was hurting terribly and Marlena felt his pain all the way to “her” soul.

“John…Oh, God! I’ve hurt you so much!” she cried. Marlena, covered her mouth with her hands, holding back the choking sobs that threatened so that she could tell him what was in her heart, “Honey…I realized something tonight and I have to tell you about it.” She took his hands in hers briefly and then released them and confessed, “All these years…I’ve been punishing you, John because I have always loved you more; from almost the first time I met you, I have loved you more. Somehow…I told myself that it was…wrong for me to love you…but no matter how hard I tried I could never… stop…loving you.” Marlena was sobbing and trying to talk at the same time, “So…I punished myself…by…pushing you away from me… and I punished you…by keeping you close… but not letting you have me. I hated the fact that I couldn’t control my feelings for you and I…took it out on you. Oh God.. John! I’m so sorry! I don’t know what to say to you, I don’t know what to do… to make up for all that pain!” Marlena wiped some of her own tears away with the backs of her outstretched finger tips, so that she could see him and guage his reaction.

John always hated to see her cry and he loved her enough to forgive her anything. Still distraught for himself…for what he revealed and for what she had confessed to him, he took her gently into his arms, looked her straight in the eyes, and said quietly, “You can’t…Doc. There is nothing you or anyone else can do or say to make up for all the pain we’ve suffered.” He held her so as to make her look at him and shared his conclusion with great passion, “But there is something you CAN do, and that is STOP punishing yourself for loving me and stop punishing me for coming into your life and making you lose control…. You can let go of the guilt you’ve been carrying and let yourself love me, and you can be happy! You can do that, Marlena..you can make that choice!”

She stared at him incredulously, amazed by his insights… amazed by the fact that he was obviously willing to forgive her for all the pain she caused him over the years with her mixed messages, for choosing to stay with Roman even though she loved John more. Though he was in obvious pain about the choices she had made, John loved her so deeply, so completely that he was standing in front of her now, trying to help her find the strength to make herself happy. He clearly wasn’t doing it for himself, though he desperately wanted to be with her; he was motivated out of his love for her. He wanted her to be free from the guilt for hurting Roman and the children and even free from the guilt for hurting him, that was how much he hated to see her suffer.

“Oh… I just love you so much! You…amaze me, John. There is nothing I want more in this world than to marry you and spend every day for the rest of my life with you! I am going to make that choice. I am going to sever all ties with Roman and let go of the past. You…are my future, John. I love you with all of my heart and soul and I am NEVER going to deny that again as long as I live.”

John was so moved to hear the strength and conviction in her voice, and his lips trembled as he shared his reaction, “Oh… Doc! I love you…so much! I was so scared I was gonna lose you again! Please…promise me… you won’t let him or anybody else change your mind.”

“I promise, John… I promise! We are going to be married as soon as possible, but there’s something you need to do first.” She held out her left hand and said, “There seems to be something missing here, do you have any idea what that might be, John?”

John’s nodded and his eyes lit up; he practically flew across the room and grabbed the ring from his leather coat. Then, he swiftly wiped the remaining moisture from his face and went down on one knee. Gazing up lovingly into her glistening hazel eyes, he took her hands and asked, “Marlena Evans, my best friend, love of my life, woman of my dreams, my past and my future… will you please marry me?”

Yes, yes… Oh, YES!!!! I will marry you, John Black! I love you more than anything in this whole wide world and I can’t wait to walk down that aisle to you!” John slipped the ring on her finger, then quickly rose and picked her up off the ground. Then he kissed her with all the love of more than ten years worth of pent-up desire and several more months of frustrating separation. “I love you, Doc…I love you forever.”

“Forever!” she repeated as she gazed into his still moist blue eyes and immersed herself in the warmth and comfort of his loving embrace. At last, she was going to allow herself to love him without reservation. Her love for Roman was fully in the past and it was time to put the guilt for hurting him in the past as well. From this moment on, that was where all that pain would remain, it was time. It was time to focus on the future and the new life she would share with this man, this amazing and wonderful man who loved her beyond her ability to comprehend. Her future was with him and their two beautiful young children.

What she wanted was to let him keep doing what he was doing…kissing her neck, nibbling on her ears, whispering words of passionate love to her…and Oh…the way he was touching her backside was nearly irresistible, but she couldn’t do that, not yet. She put gentle pressure on his shoulders as she said, “John… honey…we….can’t… John, please.. stop.”

He complied instantly, but was in shock. “Stop? But…Doc..I don’t understand! Why?” he asked, staring into her eyes, completely confused.

She sighed in anticipation of the effort this conversation was going to take, when all she really wanted was to crawl into bed with the man she loved. “Please, John.. I need to go and talk to Roman. I need to tell him what I’ve decided before we..”

John cut her off angrily, “Tonight? Doc, come on…it’s late. You’re not going to see him now…..are you?” he asked, some tiny fraction of the insecurity he felt earlier, sneaking out in his tone.

Hating to see his response, she glanced away and said, “No…I’m not. I’m going to see him first thing in the morning, but I don’t think we should be together until I’ve talked with him.”

He touched her cheek, not quite so gently as the previous moment, forcing her to look at him, obviously trying to discern her reasoning. She could practically see his blood pressure rising right before her eyes, his face becoming a shade of red she hadn’t often seen. John was as frustrated with her as he had ever been and she waited for him to explode on her, but he managed to contain it, barely. “Marlena… you don’t OWE him anything. You and I were about to be married when he came back, we don’t need to apologize anymore for being together. We have stayed away from each other for months to keep from hurting him when he didn’t know the truth. He knows now and you just told me that you love me and want to spend your life with me…so tell me exactly why you think we need to be apart for another night! Explain it to me… Doc… because right now, I don’t understand it!!”

“Calm down, John…. and I’ll try, can you do that?” she asked, looking at the tension in the muscles of his jaw, and was distracted by how sexy he was in this moment. She decided that humor might just do the trick, “John…did I ever tell you… how.. incredibly sexy you are when you’re mad?”

He couldn’t believe she was joking when he was so frustrated with her, but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing at it and the way she was smiling was captivating. “Doc! You…. infuriate me, but…God I love you!” John pulled her into a kiss that made her heart race and her breath quicken. “Now…tell me again how we can’t be together tonight!”

“Uh…. we…really shouldn’t..you know..” she said, not very convincingly.

John knew she was weakening. “Oooh, she isn’t quite so sure now..” he said, as he resumed some of his ministrations, kissing the hollow of her neck as he slipped his hands around to unzip her dress. She didn’t resist…not much anyway and he knew she was HIS. He chuckled and continued to undress her, the dress dropping to the floor, revealing a lace teddy and John’s breath left him. As he caressed the mostly bare skin of her back, he placed his mouth on her neck, and began to kiss her. He paused for one second and whispered, “Do you want me to stop now…because I will…if that’s what you really want, Doc…”

Her breathing was growing ragged already, her heart was racing and she felt that familiar warmth rising within. How could she possibly say no…now. “Oh, John… I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you…but…”

“Okay..” John said, removing his hands and stepping away from her, pretending it didn’t bother him in the slightest, thinking it might work if he switched strategies. It was all he could do to stand even three feet away, and he had to turn his back so she couldn’t see how much he wanted her. “You go ahead…go on back to the Penthouse..by yourself, I’ll see you later, Doc,” he said pleasantly, fiddling with a pencil on the desk.

Marlena was taken aback by the sudden change in his approach and it made her want him even more. “Oh, you mean you want me to go?” she asked, feeling slightly rejected.

He forced himself to sound as though he really didn’t care what she did, “No..but if you feel like that’s what you need to do, I don’t want to interfere with your plans…Doc. I’ll just catch up with you later.”

She was completely hooked and didn’t even see it coming, “John…. don’t you want to be with me?” she asked, with the disappointment obvious in her voice and in her face.

John couldn’t keep the smile from his face this time. He turned around to face her, grinning, “Gotcha!” he said to tease.

“Oh…you…. you did that on purpose didn’t you… so I would decide to stay. You made me want you and then you…pulled away and acted…” She stopped and used his exact words, “Ooh, John Black! You…infuriate me….but God I love you!” She imitated his next move as well, taking his face between her hands, kissing him fervently, so that it left both of them breathless.

After they began to recover their breath, John gazed deeply into her hazel eyes and caressed her cheeks lightly, asking her again, “So… Doc… you still want to leave here tonight and sleep all alone in that.. cold…lonely bed back at the Penthouse?” John put his lips right below her left ear and nibbled on the lobe, then whispered passionately, “Or…do you want to stay with me where it’s so….warm, where you will be… loved and…touched like NEVER before?”

Just hearing him speak that way about being with her made her tingly all over and she wanted nothing else but to let him have his way with her. “Ooh, honey.. you…make it so hard.”

“No…Marlena, you..make it so…hard,” he said, meaning two different things at the same time, pressing his body close to hers, so that she could easily catch one.

Marlena broke into a glorious laugh that was contagious and John started to laugh too. Finally, she managed to say, “Ooh, John… I think you’re right, I do make it hard, don’t I?”

“Yep… so, you wanna help me keep it that way for a little while?” he teased, running his hands down the length of her legs starting from her hips, then slipping one effortlessly between them and placing one on her bottom, squeezing gently.

She sighed with the contentment that resulted from knowing that their desire for each other would never wane and that they would always find a way to laugh, even when things were tense. “Yes, I do believe I would be remiss if I didn’t stay.” After pausing briefly to build his anticipation, she smiled and said, “Honey… take me to your bed.”

John rubbed his hands together to warm them, looked at her gleefully, and said with great enthusiasm, “Allright! I promise you…..you won’t regret it, Doc!” In less than a second longer, she was in his arms being carried toward the bed and she already knew that he was right, she had no regrets…not a one. She was finally with the man she loved with every ounce of her heart, mind, body, and soul. At last she could express that love in this wondrous mutual experience of blissfully pleasurable intimacy. There would be no more looking back, their love was now and forever. As he laid her gently on the bed and continued undressing his lover by sliding his hands under the thin straps of her teddy, she gazed into his eyes and let him see everything she felt for him. “I love you, John….more than ever before, I love you, only you…forever,” she said, her voice filled with passion.

John returned her tender desire-filled stare and repeated her words of love, “Oh….Marlena…and I love you…only you…forever..and beyond.” John believed with all his heart that this was finally their time; they were going to make it to the altar this time, no regrets, no hidden truths, no evil doers lurking in the background. They could love openly and honestly and nothing would stand in the way of their wedding or interfere with their marriage relationship.

Love Me Like Before
Love Me So Brand New

Love and desire, they burn inside of me
Please say that with me, you’ll always be
It seems forever I have been wanting you
You’re the only one for me, our love is true….

The two lovers were lying on the King sized bed in an ample suite at The Salem Inn, their hands roving all over newly exposed skin, their bodies beginning to grow flushed with desire for each other. It was an old established love and a new and vibrant love all rolled into one mirthful entity which was at the same time wonderful and slightly confusing. When they were last together in this way they thought they were free, and that there was no more pressure, no more guilt. Yet, once again they were thrust apart by evil forces and unforseen circumstances, and the guilt for hurting Roman Brady had returned to haunt them. John and Marlena’s love was deep and abiding, strong enough to stand against all that and remain forevermore, the passion always burning slow below the surface. Finally, they were recommitting to each other and John vowed in his heart to never let anyone or anything come between them again; not Stefano, not Kristen, not Roman, not even the twins who used to call him Daddy.

Suddenly, John stopped kissing his fiance and looked straight into her eyes, saying firmly, “This is our time, Doc… nobody can take this from us. We belong together and we shouldn’t feel guilty about it anymore. We have sacrificed what we want for far too long, for so long that we almost let our dreams slip away, and I’m not gonna do it again…ever! Are you with me, I mean..really with me here?” he asked, needing to know without question that she was equally committed to being openly in love, to getting married and sharing the rest of her life with him, despite what others wanted from her.

She hated to hurt Roman and wished there were some way to please the children, but was beginning to accept the fact that there simply wasn’t any way to make everyone happy. Without hesitation, she replied convincingly, at last, “Yes, John… I am with you, body and soul. Nothing will change my mind about this. I love you with all my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, only you.” Marlena Evans was certain about only one thing in her life and that was her everlasting love for John Black. It was an awesome, unstoppable force and she would no longer apologize for it, nor allow anyone to make her feel guilty about it. The bond of love she shared with this brutally handsome, sweet and tender, and amazingly romantic man had endured over a decade of pain and separation, lies and manipulation. She was making the same vow in her heart. Never again would she allow anyone or anything to keep her from being with him.

Still staring at her somewhat apprehensively, he raked his fingers lightly through her hair and asked once more, in a slightly different way, “No regrets, no looking back…no wondering what might have been?”

Shaking her head slightly, she said the same words as she reached out to touch his cheek, “No…regrets, no looking back, John. I love you.. just you and I know in my heart…and in my mind that you…are my future,” she said firmly in response. “I’m sorry I gave you cause to doubt that, honey.. I am going to go to Roman first thing in the morning and make sure he understands and then.. I want to start planning our wedding,” she finished with a smile.

Seeing the firm commitment in her eyes, he sighed with relief and said, “Oh.. Marlena… you don’t know how good that sounds to me. I can’t wait….to make an..honest woman out of you,” he said with that trademark sexy wink and fiery expression of desire.

There you go flashing fever from your eyes
Hey babe, come over here and shut them tight
I’m not denying we’re flying high above it all
Hold my hand, don’t let me fall……..

“Ooh, I love the way you say that.. John, and the way you look at me.” Deciding that the time for talk was over, she traced his lips with the tip of her right forefinger and whispered one last question, “So.. my love.. are you going to have your way with me now?”

His face lit up and he spoke with a low throaty voice, “Oh.. yea… I’m gonna take you somewhere you’ve never been, honey..” he said lustfully just before placing his mouth close to hers, his tongue making its way around her lips a couple of times before joining hers in the sweet warm confines of her mouth. “Ooh…Doc…I love the way you taste..”

You’ve such amazing grace
I’ve never felt this way
Oh, show me heaven, cover me
Oh, show me heaven please……

“And I love the way you kiss me… nobody else does to me what you do to me, John. Do you know….that I can’t even think when you touch me?” she asked as she kissed him sensuously, her tongue dancing around his.

It turned him on just to hear her say it… “Good…cause I don’t want you to think…right now, I just..want you to…feel.. so…good.” He was kissing her in between his words, while one hand slipped between her legs, a spot which was already warm with the sensations of love. His other hand was caressing her breasts in circular fashion and she found her desire increasing by the second. She moaned his name, “Oh.. John…oh…honey.”

He smiled to see her response and continued his slow gentle movements across her skin, as they moved in and out of kisses, lips and tongues caressing sensually, immersed in the freedom to love without guilt. Suddenly, Marlena rolled out from under him and climbed on top, taking him completely by surprise. “Whoa, Doc…” was all he managed to say before she captured his mouth in another stirring kiss that took his breath and threatened to remove all rational thought from his mind as well.

Next, she repaid the favor of taking his desire higher with each touch of her hands, and each contact of her soft moist lips on his slightly heated flesh. She kissed him on the lips again and then slowly made her way down the length of his body…her hands massaging him in a way that made him moan with pure delight…”Oh…Marlena… Marlena.” His heart raced… and his breathing was labored in response. As her lips moved lower and lower, his desire increased and it was all he could do to lie there and let her please him.

Here I go, I’m just shaking like the breeze
Hey babe, I need your head to steady me
I’m not denying I’m frightened as you
Though I am barely touching you
I’ve shivers down my spine, and it feels divine……..

John made a move to pull her toward him and kiss her on the lips, but she exerted pressure on his chest, pushing him back down on the bed. Without words she was telling him she was in charge for the moment and it only made him want her more. “Doc… oh…I want you so much.. please,” he cried, desperate to touch her too.

She laughed lightly, pleased to see his powerful responses, then leaned down over his flushed hot body and whispered in his ears, “Wait… John…wait, it’s going to feel so good honey…. let me…please you… I can make you feel so good..”

Oh, show me heaven, cover me
Leave me breathless
Oh, show me heaven please…….

He only nodded in response, he could barely speak..his breathing was ragged, his flesh on fire for her. Marlena placed her tongue on his legs and moved up from below this time, slowly making a trail of moisture while her hands still made magic.. and he thought he would die from the aching pleasure she was bringing him. “Oh…Doc!” he cried and he couldn’t wait any more, swiftly taking control again. Rolling them over and pressing his body on top of hers, he relished in the sensation of power and the fiery desire he felt in every nerve fiber of his body, delighted to see that same passion reflected in her eyes.

Marlena wanted him as much as he wanted her and now it was her turn to ache with the need of him. John took her hands and placed them above her head, holding them down with his left hand, then he whispered in her ears, “It’s your turn baby…I want to make you feel good too…I’m going to make you.. burn for me.. ooh, it’s so…good, Doc, it’s going to be so good!”

Hearing him talk that way, and feeling his breath on her neck and in her ears made Marlena want him immediately, but she knew he would prolong it until she was begging for him to join with her. “Oh, John… I love you..I need you!” she cried.

Do you know what it’s like to dream a dream?
Baby, hold me tight and let this be…….

His smile was slightly wicked, satisfied with the recognition that he was turning the tables already as he swiped his tongue all around the soft, velvety skin of her breasts. Her sharp intake of breath was all the response he needed to let him know his movements were having the desired effect. His free hand touched her ever so gently between the legs and the combination of those efforts plus the restraint caused her to moan and writhe with mounting pleasure, “Ohh…. John…don’t make me wait anymore…please..be with me..”

John could see that Marlena was becoming desperate for him, as he had been for her, only a short time earlier and he slowly climbed on top of her, positioning himself over her shapely curves. John paused to look at his lover, drinking in the sight of her exquisite beauty… her perfect body flushed with desire for only him, her moans of pleasure in response to his touch… his kisses. She was his.. after all those years of wanting and wishing and praying for a miracle, at long last, she was HIS.

Oh, show me heaven, cover me
Leave me breathless
Oh, show me heaven please….

Here as I lay beside you, I know
How grateful my heart feels……

They made mad, passionate love several times during the night and it left them more than satisfied and physically exhausted. Following that wonderful time of becoming reacquainted with each other’s bodies, they didn’t want to separate, even for the purposes of slumber. Therefore, John and Marlena slept curled up in each other’s arms, Marlena safely cuddled up in the curve of John’s body, his arms cradling her ever so gently, but oh so securely. It was as safe and warm as Marlena ever remembered feeling in her entire life. For his part, John finally allowed himself to completely relax in the newfound security in their relationship and slept more soundly than he had in months, snuggled up as close as he could possibly get to his best friend, his lover, and soon to be bride.

Knowing that you’ve come
In my world to stay…….

The day was well under way by the time their eyelids began to flutter and open, albiet reluctantly even then. This was peace and serenity and they didn’t want to face the real world and all the resistance there would be to their upcoming union in marriage. John awakened first and was content to lie there with her, even though his right arm was asleep. He gently stroked her hair and caressed the skin of her cheeks, her chest, her arms, and her legs with his left hand. After several minutes, she woke up with a smile on her face and he said, “Good morning, pretty lady. How did you sleep?” he asked, winking mischieviously.

“Sleep… I’d say it was more like collapsing from exhaustion,” she replied with a twinkle in her own eye.

“Oh, I’m that good, eh?” he asked teasingly, as he kissed her on the nose, then ran his left forefinger down her jaw line.

She smiled with pleasure on the memory, sat up in bed and said, “Oh…yes you’re more than that good, my love.. You are the most wonderful lover, you.. please me so… and you make me so happy. I love you, John.”

His heart filled with joy to hear her speak of him that way, so sure of her feelings, not a trace of doubt to be found when he searched her dreamy eyes. “Say it again, oh, baby say it again!”

With a wide smile of mirth, she said, “I, Marlena Evans love you, John Black… from now until forever.”

Now I know my life has finally begun
That dream, that’s promised everyone……….

His face lit up with delight and he said, “Ah…forever. I love how that sounds, Doc. And, I love you forever too.”

Just before getting off the bed, John leaned in for a quick kiss and then winked seductively and said, “So… would you like to go get all hot and steamy with me, my.. forever love?”

She sighed with pleasure and replied with a sweet kiss and then some words, “Ooh..yes, that sounds like the perfect way to start the day, John. Lead on, my love.”

“Oh, I would love to lead you on… and then… I want to make you so glad you followed me, ” he said, smiling sensuously, as he took her hand and hurried with her to the bathroom.

Marlena nearly squealed with excited anticipation, loving this playful sexy time which had been so sorely lacking from their relationship for the past several months. As they stepped into the shower, she suddenly took his face with both hands and kissed him passionately and then whispered in his ears while her hands explored his strong muscular physique, “Ooh, John… I’ve missed us being together this way. Oh, I love you.. I just love you so much!”

Now, when the world around me looks grey I look into your eyes
And all the darkness goes
I can find my way…………

He swooned and tried to recover his breath, “Woah.. Doc I’ve missed you too, I never want this to change. I want us to love like this for all of our lives together.” Her touch was so stimulating that he forgot about turning on the water, his body responding powerfully. With increasingly ragged breaths, he said, “Oh… Doc I need you so much, I want you… How I’ve missed you… I don’t know how I survived without you all these months..” He stopped and corrected himself, but kissed her first, with great intensity, and then continued to speak passionately all the while they were touching each other in places that fueled the fire which was already burning hot. “No.. years.. all these years… I don’t know how I ever convinced myself I could be happy without you. I love you Marlena… with every breath I take, I love you more!”

Hearing him speak that way about her made her heart melt, and she replied in kind, “Oh, John…I love you like that too, I always have.. you have always been the one… so deep in my soul that I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. I love you so..” After a few more minutes of hand roving and heavy breathing, it finally occurred to both of them at about the same time that they hadn’t turned on the shower yet. Marlena pulled away slightly and asked, “Uh… honey… if we’re going to get a shower, don’t you think maybe… we should turn on the water?”

He laughed heartily and when he recovered, he kissed her again and said, “Oh.. yea.. I guess I kinda got caught up in the moment there. You.. distract me so very well, Marlena. I can’t even think straight when you’re this close to me.”

She smiled slyly and said, “Oh… well, then I’ll just move away from you so you can think about turning the water on.”

Reaching for the knob with one hand and reigning her back in with the other, John shook his head slightly and said, “No.. thank you, that will not be necessary, Doc… I can.. manage. Now.. come here so we can get back to where we left off.”

Finally, I know I’m never alone A light inside will lead me home…………

The warm water caressing their skin served to increase their pleasure and Marlena smiled again, thinking how very right she was to fully commit to the man whose hands and lips were essentially worshipping her body. Marlena realized that it was allright to allow herself to love him completely, to surrender to what his love and his touch did to her heart and her body, regardless of what everyone else wanted from her. She recognized in her heart and in her mind, for the first time since they learned John was not Roman, that she deserved to be happy with the man she truly loved. Marlena and John had sacrificed years when they could have been together in love. Because of their unhealthy level of remorse for giving in to the overwhelming love and passion that existed between them, despite their best efforts to resist those feelings, they denied themselves the right to be happy together. The others all had their own lives to live and so did she. It was time to let go of the past and embrace the future with John and their two little cherubs, Belle and Brady. “John… you are my heart and soul and I will never give you cause to doubt that again.”

He gazed tenderly into her glimmering eyes and said, “And you are mine… You have always had my heart, Doc.. now you get to have the rest of me too. I love you… with all that I am and ever hope to be. You are.. my life.”

Remember it’s all there is
Remember it’s all there was………

Every time he said things like that she felt more and more assured of her decision, which was never really about whom she loved. It was about the guilt that lingered and making up for the past, it was about pleasing Eric and Sami and the rest of the Brady family. Her love for John was never in question, that was the one constant through the whole period of time since shortly before the affair happened. Though she wasn’t always fully aware of her feelings for him, her body reacted, her eyes showed the love she felt whenever he entered a room, they gave her away. When she thought back on it, she wondered why he hadn’t picked up on it years ago, or for that matter, why she hadn’t figured out all the signals he had been sending her. Pleading with her to stay at the Mansion with him… when she had decided to leave, his overprotective response to any little sign of danger, his willingness to risk life and limb for her without a thought for his own safety. ‘Those were some pretty good clues to his true feelings for you, Marlena. ‘Oh…I’ll think about all that….later, maybe..’ she was musing as she gave herself over to the maddening sensations he was stimulating in her by using his hands and his kisses to arouse her.

The answer is right here in our hands
And know if our hearts are true
There’s nothing we have to do
You and me for always……..

“Oh… how I love you….” she moaned and then she proceeded to show him exactly what she meant.

She kissed him passionately, her tongue rolling around his in a way that fueled their mutual desire. As she did so, she ran her hands up and down his back, from shoulders to legs, relishing the feel of his well toned muscles under her hands. The act of touching him stimulated her own desire and she heard herself moaning with the need for him.

“Doc… ooh, what you do to me.. I want you… now.. lady!” he whispered lustfully, as he began biting gently on her shoulders and then her neck and ear lobes. The slight pressure of his teeth on her skin caused such a powerful response and she repaid the favor, chewing on his collarbone, then moving to his neck. Another forceful kiss and they were well on their way.

Marlena could feel his body reacting, his desire increasing with each passing second. She wanted to make him feel as much pleasure as he had already given her, so she sought to prolong it. Slowly, she began to love him with her mouth, starting with his chest, then moving lower with each little kiss. Using her lips and tongue to stimulate him, she smiled inside as she heard the soft moans escaping. His breathing continued to quicken, his heart rate as well. Marlena loved the effect she was having on him, and just as he had earlier, she stopped for a moment to look at her lover. His eyes were full of heated passion, his breathing ragged with his desperate need to join with her. She knew in her heart that he loved and wanted her like no other. She owned him.

Never ending, never changing
The answer is right here in our hands………

“Marlena… I need you!” he managed to whisper, not wanting to wait much longer. The aching desire was overwhelming.

“I know… I need you too, honey,” she said sofly as she resumed her activities, her kisses going lower and lower until she reached her destination, his pleasure zone. Marlena stopped to admire the evidence of manhood, smiling almost wickedly before proceeding to drive him wild, caressing him with her hands, lips and tongue. It was nearly impossible to stand there and let her please him, but it felt so incredible; he was so completely under her control that he he could do nothing but allow his body to respond. “Doc!” he cried out, wanting her, needing to be with her like never before. She bit him very lightly, knowing as she did so that he would soon be the one in control of their lovemaking.

With her last aggressive move, John felt his need to join with her intensifying even more and he took her arms and brought her up to his level. He stared at her in all her naked glory with eyes full of fiery desire, wanting her to see that he appreciated what she had been doing to make him feel good, but that what he truly wanted was for their pleasure to be mutual. Breathlessly, he whispered one last comment, “I love you so much.”

In the next second, John captured her mouth in a frantic kiss, his anxious tongue moving around hers in quick fervent motions. Then he drew her closer to his body and without another word entered her swiftly, effortlessly, and they moved in perfect time together, pelted by the warm soothing water. “And I love you… always!” she cried as she felt her body reaching for that place of ultimate pleasure, moving in time with her lover, his hands on her lower back, hers on his backside.

They rose to the highest peak and backed off slightly, wanting to prolong their ecstasy. He repeated it, saying it almost worshipfully, “Always.” She looked closely at him, happy to see that he was so in need of her. It made her feel so loved, so beautiful. He always made her feel special and cherished when they made love, as if pleasing her were his highest priority.

Always reaching, always climbing
You and me for always……

He looked at her again, she needed him, she wanted him.. only him. “John… oh, John… I need you so, don’t stop..please don’t stop!” she pleaded.

The pause was brief, but he memorized that expression of pure desire and then brought her to the summit again, stopped for one second to kiss her madly as they reached climax together. “Oh.. Doc, it feels so… incredible!”

“Oh.. John… it’s so good.. Oh, John…oh!” Each time was better than the last, more intense, more satisfying….

They held each other close in the afterglow, listening to the sound of their breathing slowing down and relishing the physical intimacy that had been absent from their relationship for so long. This was a wonderful time of renewal for John and Marlena and they savored every moment of their special time together.

Before they knew it, they were standing in a cold shower. Marlena shrieked as the icy water gushed out of the shower head, causing goose bumps to form, almost immediately, on her chest and abdomen. She was in front. John couldn’t help but laugh as she fumbled to stop the flow of the offending substance, and she smacked him playfully on the rear as he climbed out of the shower to avoid being further chilled by the changing temperature. “John!” she exclaimed, “…so much for chivalry.. what ever happened to protecting me and saving me from.. peril?” she asked, slightly irritated that he had bailed out on her, but mostly teasing him.

Ever loving, ever lasting
The answer is here in our hands……..

“Chivalry… a little cold water lands on you and I’m supposed to rescue you from that terrible fate? Whatever happened to..” As he spoke, he put his chest out and did an obvious imitation of her most pride filled voice, “I can do it myself, John. I am self-sufficient, John. I am capable, John… Did you throw all that out now that you have a man around, Doc?” He winked exaggeratedly, but still got another swat on his still naked backside, this time with the rolled up towel she had in her hand, unbeknownst to him. “OW… What’d you do that for?” he said, turning to face her. John had tried to move away from her, but she was too quick for him.

The answer is right here in our hands
And know our hearts are true
There’s nothing we have to do
You and me for always……

“For… well…for… making me eat my words..” she said, chuckling about how he had caught her talking out both sides of her mouth. “I guess I can’t have it both ways, now can I?”

Remember it’s all there is
Remember it’s all there was………..

He thought about it for a second and gave her a break, saying, “Well… sometimes you can. Any time you really need me to rescue you, pretty lady, you can count on me, but… cold showers.. you’re on your own. I draw the line at things like that. “

She smiled and sidled up close again, kissing him sweetly. “Well, how about warming me up afterward, is that within the boundaries, John?”

With a playful yet lusty smile he answered with a brief kiss and then a verbal confirmation of her request. “Oh, yea…that’s definitely included in the job description I received for lovers and husbands.” Moving closer, he caressed her cheek with the knuckles of his right hand, saying, “In fact, it says..and I quote, As lover/husband you shall warm up thy lover/wife any time thy lover…asks you to.”

Playing along with him, she said, thrilled at the knowledge of being free to love so openly, “Oh, well, then… my lover/husband, would you please warm up thy lover; she’s freezing to death this very minute?”

He sighed with great anticipation of another love session. “Oh.. I thought you’d never ask!” he said gleefully, as he picked her up off the ground and carried her over to the bed. “Brace yourself woman, yee shall be warmed up like NEVER before!” he warned her playfully with great enthusiasm, as he placed her ever so gently on the bedsheets.

Now, when I wake each morning
I say.. no need to look ahead……..

“Oh..man.. I can’t wait!” she exclaimed joyfully, wondering how he could keep outdoing himself, and how in the world he was finding so much energy for love making. “Ooh, John are you sure.. we can.. ” She stopped talking as she felt herself being taken hostage by her physical responses to his loving, very stimulating touch. His mouth and fingers found her pleasures zones and all rational thought began to disappear. Her last comment was.. “Oh….I guess we can..” spoken in a dreamy, somewhat incredulous tone of voice.

“Yes…we can…honey… are you getting warmed up yet?” John teased as he placed his body on top of hers, nearly ready to take her to that magical place of ecstasy that only they two could find.

She sighed contentedly and said, “Yes… John..I am, thank you, honey.. you’re so good to me.”

“I am, aren’t I?” he joked, expecting a little swat on the behind again.

That wasn’t what happened. Instead, Marlena looked him right in the eye and said firmly, “Yes, John you really are very good to me, in every way. But.. I especially like the way you’re making love to me this morning. You make me so very happy and you please me so..”

“And you… make me happier than I ever thought it was possible for me to feel again, Marlena Evans… soon to be Black!” he agreed excitedly, as he began moving her sexually, as only he could do. This time, John sighed with that same sense of contentment, for this was where he truly belonged, in her arms and in her bed, for the rest of his natural life. It was where he had always belonged and this morning of wondrous lovemaking was putting the seal on their everlasting friendship and abiding love relationship. Marlena knew it was true for her too, and she sensed what he was thinking. They silently communicated their recognition of what was happening between them this very day. At long last, John and Marlena were finding their way home.

Leave the past behind
Here’s a brand new day
Suddenly my life is perfectly clear
The love we found was always here

You and Me For Always………..

As they luxuriated in bed for a long time after making love yet again, Marlena sat up and looked at her watch. She was amused and surprised when she noted the time. “Oh, my! John…honey.. did you know it was almost noon?” she asked with a chuckle, enjoying the fact that she hadn’t even cared about the passage of time while she was with her love. Luckily, she had no patients scheduled that day. She had planned it to do dictation and other mundane aspects of her practice.. nothing that couldn’t wait.

John yawned as he stretched; for the first time in longer than he could remember he was without a care in the world. He determined that the *world* would have to wait.. there was *nothing* more important at this very moment than being with this beautiful creature who was sharing his bed. “It is? Aw shucks… you mean we’ve played almost half the day away?” Winking and leaning in for another soft wet kiss, he said, ” Well, I guess, I’ll just have to call in and cancel all my afternoon appointments too. I don’t think I can get myself up and ready for… business. I haven’t had breakfast yet and I’m starved.”

She agreed heartily and said with a smile, “Oh, so am I, John do you think we should get dressed and go down to the dining room or should we order… room service?”

He made another move, this time kissing her neck and blowing softly in her ear as he said, “Well, if we order room service, we might just have time for… one more try.”

The sound of their joyful laughter filled the room at the Salem Inn and finally, she said, “So… did you miss me?” Then, she smiled again and asked, “John.. are we going for some kind of a record here?”

“Uh… yea, I think you would be safe to say that I missed you, Doc. And, yes.. I’m making up for lost time… so get over here,” he said with mock forcefulness as he pulled her close for a kiss of fiery passion.

“Ooh, John… we better order that food or we won’t ever have anything to eat.”

He growled, bit her lightly on the collarbone, and said, “I… don’t care, I can live on love today… I love you so much, Marlena Evans!” As he spoke, he pinned her down on the bed with his right leg and began to kiss and run his tongue all around her breasts at the same time as one hand moved up and down her thighs in a gentle rhythmic motion that made the warmth of needing him return quickly. She felt him respond and they kissed on the lips, his tongue slipping inside and then masterfully wrapping itself around hers in a way that made them both moan with pleasure yet again.

“Oh,.. John… you please me so… I don’t want our special time to end… I love you so much!” she whispered with breathless passion. She began to touch him too, finding a way to move out from under him, quickly climbing on top this time.

John responded immediately by reaching his hands up to her shoulders and pulling her close enough so that his mouth connected softly with her chest. Swift moist swipes of his tongue on the soft tender flesh made her ache to have him.. again, “Oh.. John.. Oh, honey… I want you… oh, I need you, John.”

As she moved in perfect time with him, they effortlessly merged into one being and began to climb higher and higher toward the summit of love, both of them amazed at how many times they could share themselves so passionately in such a short period of time. “Doc… Oh, Doc! I love you, I love you… His breathing was so rapid and there were sweat beads on his chest from the heat they were generating.

Marlena cried out with pleasure, “I love you too… Oh.. it feels so good. Oh.. Oh!” They reached the peak at the exact moment yet again and then collapsed on the bed almost in the same second, their bodies totally sated and spent from the many hours of lovemaking they shared.

As he began to feel his heart rate slow down and gain some control over his breathing, John teased, “So.. Marlena.. did you miss me a little bit too?”

Again, the sound of two lovers giggling with pure satisfaction, pleasure and exhaustion permeated the room. After catching her breath, Marlena leaned over her man, ran her right forefinger up and down his rugged jawline and answered his question, “Yes, John I missed you too. Couldn’t you tell?”

He laughed again and said, “I… uh kinda got that impression, yea…” After another ten minutes or so, John tried to rise off the bed and found he had next to no energy. “Doc.. I’m afraid we’ll just have to stay here all day. I can’t walk,” he said only half teasing, as he felt his legs collapsing beneath him. He managed to land on the bed.

Marlena laughed so hard she had tears coming out of her eyes. “So.. you’re a little worn out.. from all that… activity, are you? Well, you are in middle age now, John. You probably do require a little more recovery time, honey,” she teased as she scooted off the bed and hurried toward the bathroom, before he tried to prove her wrong.

“Ha… middle age.. more recovery time… I think I just proved that wrong my dear!” he said defensively, as he struggled on rubbery legs to stand up and follow her. Then he noticed that she was still laughing, having teased him just to get a reaction from him and he smiled.

“Gotcha…” she said, gleefully.

He grabbed and pulled her toward him again, saying with a wide grin, “Oh, Doc… it’s so good to be back together, the way we always should have been. I love you so much.. pretty lady and if it were up to me, we’d never stop loving like we have since last night.”

“We will always love each other like this, John. This is forever, remember?” Marlena asked, as she held out her ring finger for him to see.

His smile was so warm that she felt her heart melting just to look at him as he said, “Yea… for..ever, Marlena.” With that he pulled her naked body close to his for one last kiss before they prepared to take their second shower of the morning. As he did so, there was a knock on the door and then the sound of a familiar voice.

“John… hey John are you in there, it’s Roman. I need to talk to you.. about last night!” called the visitor.

John and Marlena could only respond by staring at each other with that expression of, ‘Oh my God..what are we going to do? I wasn’t ready for this yet!’

They were flabbergasted and still hadn’t moved an inch when the knocking started up again, “John… hey it’s Roman, open the door I know you’re in there and I need to talk to you.” There was still no response and Roman was beginning to become concerned about John, because he knew from speaking to the desk clerk that his rival for Marlena’s love was there in the room.

At last, John and Marlena seemed to recover slightly from the shock of Roman being outside the door, scrambling to find robes and pick up clothes that were strewn carelessly about the room in the heat of passion. John decided to make it appear as though he had been in the shower and didn’t hear the knocking. Running in to turn the water on to steam up the room, he stuck his head under the stream so it would look damp when he answered the door, while Marlena continued to scurry around the room making sure that no incriminating evidence was visible. She was definitely planning to tell Roman she had made her choice, but didn’t want to rub his face in it, so she ducked into the bathroom while John took a hand towel and headed toward the door.

“Just a minute,” John called out to the now insistent knocking, “I’m coming!”

When John answered the door, Roman was standing there staring at him, obviously wondering why the man was just getting his shower at almost one o’clock in the afternoon. “Uh… good… morning, John… you sure slept late today.”

John produced a yawn on cue and replied affirmatively, “Well, yea actually I did. I was up late… I just couldn’t sleep very well….. you know.. thinking about Doc..and all,” he said, trying hard not to smile.

Stepping further into the room, Roman said somewhat hesitantly, “Yea.. I know, that’s what I came to talk to you about. I’ve done some thinking and I.. uh, well, I just wanted to apologize for how I acted last night at the restaurant. Just for the record, I admit that I was trying to goad you into a fight. I guess I was looking for an excuse to hit you and I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that. “

Not knowing exactly what to say, feeling the guilt for hurting the man, John started to speak without a plan, “Roman… I.. “

Raising his hand to stop his rival for Marlena’s affections, Roman interrupted, “John… just let me finish here… I’ve needed to say this to you for a long time… allright?” John nodded, answering with his eyes and Roman continued, “You and Marlena went through a lot of pain, just like I did and you stayed here and worked through all that. And you were there for her when I wasn’t. I want you to know how much I appreciate that. I also know that you waited to be together for a very long time; you thought you had my blessing and then you had to wait again because of Kristen’s lies. I’m sorry for what I said about trying to steal Marlena away from you and make you hurt like I did; it was wrong and I didn’t really mean it, John. What do you say, can you forgive me?” he asked, as he stuck his hand out for John to shake.

He was taken aback by the man’s courage. It was a gutsy and yet vulnerable action to take and John was impressed by it. “Yes, I will, thank you, Roman, and I’m sorry too. I flew off the handle at you too. Grabbing you like that, even if you did… help it along, well, it wasn’t right and I’m sorry.” John replied while shaking the offered hand.

Afterward, the two men stood there facing each other in silence, neither knowing quite what else to say. Finally John made the attempt to end the encounter pleasantly, “Well, I probably ought to get a move on here and get dressed for what’s left of the day.”

Glancing around the room casually, searching for clues, Roman said, “Yes… it really is getting away, isn’t it?” He saw two dirty wine glasses tucked behind the ice bucket near the sink and he knew right then and there, Marlena had spent the night with John. It was over for him….. he sighed with discouragement and decided to leave. There was no sense in making things worse for all of them. “So.. anyway, I guess I better get out of your way here, John. I just wanted you to know how I felt about the way I acted toward you… and Marlena too. It wasn’t right to challenge her that way, I know I upset her and I’m sorry about that.”

It was odd, but John suddenly got the feeling that Roman knew Marlena was in the room, or at least the man guessed where she had been for the night. He smiled weakly and then said, “I’m sure she’ll be appreciative as well. Thanks for stopping by, Roman. I’ll uh… see you later.”

Somewhat absently, Roman repeated the last word, the reality of his loss beginning to sink in, “Yea…later. Good luck to you, John.”

Giving his assumption away, John said, “Yea.. you too, Roman. I hope.. things work out for you… for all of us, actually.”

“So do I, John… so do I,” Roman said sadly as he walked out the door and headed slowly down the seemingly much longer hallway. The unspoken words were so much more meaningful in this case than the spoken ones. For the first time in a very long time, John felt Roman’s pain, as if it were his own. He remembered having to walk away too, having to give Marlena up and let her be with the man he believed she wanted and needed in her life. John was only slightly surprised to feel moisture forming behind his eyes for the man he once thought he was. Staring at the closed door, he said what he wished he could say to the man, but knew he never would, “For the record… I’m very sorry for the way things happened, Roman, but you know we can’t both have her in our lives the way we want. Only one of us can have her heart… and she has given it to me this time. She loves me and I’m not *ever* going to let her go again.”

John stood there near the door for a moment longer, remembering those years when he believed he was Roman Brady. He recalled the intensity of the love he felt for Marlena then and sighed, wishing there were some way Roman didn’t have to lose, that he didn’t have to suffer so much. John said one last quiet apology, “I’m sorry, Roman.. but the only way for that to happen would be for me to let her go, and I.. can’t do that.” As his thoughts took him back in time, he felt two warm hands lightly massaging the back of his shoulders and he turned around slowly, to see Marlena looking at him, a strange expression of mixed emotions on her face. It mirrored his, he presumed.

A quiet sigh proceeded her words. “John, he.. knows about us, doesn’t he?” she asked softly, wishing he would tell her no.

The man she loved nodded sadly and answered, “Yea… I think he does, I’m… sorry, Marlena. I’m really sorry he had to be hurt, but I.. love you and I’m not sorry he knows that you’ve chosen me.” Caressing her silky hair with his hands, moving slowly down to her neck and face, he continued, “We deserve to be happy. We’ve waited a long time for this and I’m not going to feel guilty any more for loving you, for wanting you to be my wife. I am going to put the past behind me, once and for all. I only have one question.. can you do the same Doc? Can you finally let go of the guilt and let yourself be truly happy with me?”

She sighed wearily, also wishing there were some way not to hurt Roman, the other man to whom she had once given her whole heart. Then she gazed tenderly into her lover’s eyes, smiled warmly, and said convincingly, “Yes, John… I can and I will. I love you with all my heart and there is nothing that will stop me from walking down that aisle to you and then spending the rest of my life with you.”

A beaming smile made its way across his face and he took her in his strong yet tender arms and said, “Oh, Doc.. I love you… so much! I promise I’m gonna make you happy, Doc.. We’re going to have a great life together, you and me and the kids, I promise!” he said excitedly.

She returned his expression of glee and then said seriously while running her fingers through his slightly damp hair, “I know we will, John. And I promise you… no more looking back, no more apologizing for our love. I am committing to you now and there will be no more questions about whom I love, no more doubts, no more feelings of insecurity for you. We are together forever.”

“For…ever!” he exclaimed joyfully as he suddenly pulled her even closer and sealed their pact with a fiery kiss of great passion and promise for the future. They were astonished to feel desire rise yet again and it was Marlena who finally broke it off, saying, “John.. honey.. we really do need to get cleaned up. We have.. plans to make.. remember.. wedding plans?”

“Oh, yea.. wedding plans,” he said dreamily, picturing her in a long flowing gown, her eyes sparkling like precious gems, her golden silky tresses perfectly set to accent her beauty. “Okay… I guess I can tear my body away from yours… for a little while.”

Pointing toward the bathroom, she said, “Good, now… I am going to go in there and take a shower…. by myself… or we’ll never get out of this hotel room.”

He reached for her hand and brought her to him again, kissing her sweetly. “Ooh, I kinda like the sound of that, Doc. This is really sort of a pre-honeymoon celebration..you know. I’m practicing up.. to make sure you’ll want to go with me.”

With a satisfied smile and a twinkle in her eye, she turned away slightly and said, “Uh…John… I have to tell you something… you don’t need any practice and just so you know… I’ll go anywhere with you, my love.”

“Anywhere?” he asked, smiling with boyish jubilance, wanting to follow, but heeding her request to shower alone this time.

She was standing just inside the bathroom door when she struck a sexy pose and then dropped her robe, revealing her shapely curves. After letting him admire the view for only a moment, she stepped inside and began to shut the door, whispering sensually. “Anywhere…”

“Oh.. Doc.. ” was all he could manage to say, for he was breathless. “I’m going to give you the world…lady.”

Marlena poked her head out again, and said, “I already have everything I ever wanted… you and our children, that’s all I need to make me the happiest woman on earth.” “Oh.. you’re so easy…” he teased.

With that, she shut the door and then called out to him, “We’ll have to see about that one… don’t be too lonely without me.”

All he could do was laugh as he looked around the room at the evidence that indicated the woman he loved was actually with him now. Picking up her nightgown, smelling the slightly sweet aroma of her perfume, he shut his eyes and worshipfully breathed in the scent of her. “Oh…man, this isn’t just another dream, she’s really here with me.. she chose ME! I can hardly believe it!”

He stepped over toward the window and looked out over the city, thinking how it suddenly seemed brighter outside, though the weather hadn’t changed a bit in the past two days. His heart felt light, and therefore, so did everything around him. His pain was nearly gone, the insecurity and fear of losing Marlena yet again, fading further away with each passing moment he was in her presence. At last, she was his and he made a solemn vow to never let anyone or anything come between them again. Peering toward the heavens he said, “Thank you, God.. thank you so much for letting me… be with her! I promise I won’t let her down.. ever again!”

About half an hour or so later, both John and Marlena were handling the finishing touches, preparing to leave the room. It was 2:00Pm and John was already thinking about having to be apart for a few hours, and he wanted something to look forward to later on. “So…you wanna have dinner tonight?” he asked, as he wrapped his arms around her once more.

She smiled and said, “Yes, of course.. my dear, but I really do need to talk to Roman first. Even if he did figure out that I was here, he deserves for me to tell him myself. I’m going to try to find him as soon as we leave here.”

As confidant as he was after hearing her profession of everlasting love and after being with her all night long, there was the tiniest sliver of doubt in his mind about whether she would have the strength to tell Roman firmly that she had made her choice. He wanted very much to go with her, to give her his own strength and to make sure it happened, but he knew it was something she had to do alone.

Marlena saw the reaction he tried so hard to hide as they stepped toward the door, “John… don’t worry, I’m not going to change my mind about this. I told you I’ve made my choice.. and the truth is the decision was made years ago. I love you, John and I don’t want you to doubt that ever again.”

He was embarassed that he had let her see the insecurity again, saying quietly, “I’m sorry, Doc.. it’s just that every time I let myself think we’re going to make it, something seems to come along to turn our world upside down. It’s a little hard for me to trust that it won’t happen again.”

Taking his right hand in both of hers, she said firmly, “Well, it won’t be that way this time, John. There is no doubt in my mind now; it is you that I want in my future. Roman was my past and I was having trouble letting go of the need to make up for hurting him and the family. But, I won’t let it rule my life any more, John. We are going to be married as soon as possible.”

Absorbing that statement in his heart, John replied happily, “Ah.. I love the sound of that, Marlena. You…are my past, my present and my future. You are everything to me, Doc.. and I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”

“John.. you don’t have to prove your love to me. I know how much you love me. Now, come on.. we have a future to plan!”

The enthusiasm seemed to increase as the seconds went by, “Yep.. we sure do.. I’m gonna go tell Abe the good news if I can find him. I just gotta tell somebody! You make me so happy, Doc!”

“And you… make me feel so..loved, John. I am very sorry I let you wonder about how much I loved you in return, that was never in question for me,” she added while interlacing the fingertips of her left hand with those on his right.

He sighed, thinking briefly about how many times they had almost been together and said with a hint of sadness for what they’d missed, “It’s okay.. we’ve both had our times.. of wishing and wondering.. haven’t we? But, all of that is in the past. From now on.. we look forward, Doc.. only forward to the life we’re going to share.”

“Yes… after I tell Roman about making my choice, we can get on with our lives and give Belle and Brady the loving family they deserve.”

John suddenly thought of something he wanted to do that might please his fiance. “Marlena… would you mind if I made plans for us tonight?” he asked pleasantly with a hint of mischief in his voice.

Staring into his eyes, she could tell he had something specific in mind to surprise her. Not wanting to spoil it, she said simply, “Sure, John… just tell me where to be and the rest is up to you.”

“Great, I’ll see you at the Penthouse in about four or five hours then, he said with smile so warm it could melt a wall of ice, she thought. ‘I’ve truly made him happy, he’s smiling so much since last night, when she told him he was the one. “Oh, John I really missed seeing your smile these past few months. I’m sorry for all the pain this situation caused you.”

He shook his head lightly and traced the line of her jaw with his right forefinger, at the same time as he said, “No.. don’t apologize, none of it was your doing, it just was, but it’s over now. And…I’m loving seeing your smile too. I want to make you smile every day for the rest of your sweet long life, my pretty lady and bride to be.”

Her sigh was one of contentment, “You are my..husband to be.. How I do love the sound of those two words, husband and wife. We’re going to make it this time, John.”

“Yes we are! Nothing can stop us now, Doc!” he agreed excitedly. John and Marlena were well on their way to experiencing the joy and fulfillment of their relationship in the state of holy matrimony, sharing their deep and abiding love in the life together that they so richly deserved, but thought maybe they would never have.

The recently reunited couple strolled leisurely down the hallway toward the elevator, hand in hand, staring dreamily into each other’s eyes. Even on the ride down to the lobby, John held Marlena close, not wanting to be separated from his love any longer than necessay. For a few hours they would leave the warmth and comfort of each other’s embrace and then they would be together again. Knowing that was true made it bearable somehow, letting her go and watching her walk toward the curb to get a taxi back to the restaurant so she could retrieve her own car. On the other hand, knowing she planned to see Roman shortly afterward was a little unnerving, but he believed with all his heart that she could handle it now. “Soon, Doc.. soon all our hopes and dreams will come true, I just know it!” he said to himself out loud as he watched the cab pulling away from the curb.

Up in the room they had just vacated, a lone voice filled the air for a minute or two and then all that remained was a tiny red blinking light….

Marlena arrived at the the parking area for Chez Vous in the cab, suddenly feeling a surge of anxious adrenaline in her abdomen as she glanced over at the establishment in which both of the men in her life were sparring for her affections less than twenty-four hours earlier. It was almost time, and she spoke in her mind of her renewed emotional dilemma, ‘Oh, Roman.. soon I will break your heart.. and only yesterday you were thinking you had a chance to win mine back. I wish that my happiness with John didn’t have to come at your expense. I did love you, I do.. love you, but John has been right all along, it just isn’t the same as what I feel for him. I’m so sorry about that, but I won’t lie about it anymore, not to you, not to John and not to myself. I loved you once.. with my whole heart, but not anymore.’ She let out a heavy sigh and finished her mental preparation for the task at hand, “My heart belongs to John…now and forever. I only hope you can understand and find a way to let me go.” Slowly, she climbed into her car, pulled out her cell phone and started dialing the number for the Brady Pub, where her ex-husband was bound to be staying temporarily.

Roman was sitting at the bar at the Pub talking to his mother and father, telling them the story of what he found when he checked first at the Penthouse and then the Salem Inn. There was a slight lull in the conversation and Caroline decided that this was the time for a father son talk, so she discreetly slipped away and went into the kitchen.

Roman hardly noticed her leaving, he was so disheartened about what he’d seen just a short time earlier. “I’m telling you, Pop.. Marlena never went home last night and it was almost one o’clock when I stopped by the Salem Inn and John was just getting out of the shower. That’s not like him.. and then I saw the wine glasses hidden behind the ice bucket.. she was there with him. Marlena spent the night with John and it’s over for us. She’s made her choice,” he finished sadly. “I should have known it all along.”

Shawn didn’t like seeing his oldest son so discouraged, so he gave him a little pep talk, “Roman, now.. you don’t know for certain until she tells you lad…. so don’t you be givin’ up just yet.. you never know what might happen to change her mind about these things.”

Roman was confused by the apparent favoritism. “Pop.. you almost sound like you’re taking sides in this thing.. I thought you were in support of John and Marlena all this time. I thought you had given them your blessing.”

It was such a strange and sometimes overwhelming situation for Shawn Brady to handle. When John was sitting in this same spot talking about his fear of losing Marlena just a week or so ago, he had given the other man he loved as a son.. encouragement and support, just as he was doing for Roman this very moment. Now, his biological son was experiencing that same fear, and Shawn felt like doing the same for him. Though he didn’t really believe Marlena loved the two men equally, he didn’t want to say that to Roman if it could possibly be avoided. What he really wanted was for all three of them to be happy, but that just didn’t seem possible under the circumstances. Finally, he answered, “Roman.. I’m not playing favorites, I care for the both of you… I really do and I want all of you to be happy. I only wish that were truly possible.”

Roman nodded and smiled weakly, trying to understand his father’s precarious position; it was in some ways reminiscent of Sami and Carrie being interested in the same man. Roman could empathize with both his girls and wanted them each to find happiness and settle down into married life as he once had, but clearly realized that it couldn’t come with the same man. Shawn was in a similar situation regarding he and John, except that John wasn’t his flesh and blood and in Roman’s mind that should make all the difference in the world, but he knew for Shawn that it didn’t. Just acknowledging that fact still caused Roman a significant amount of pain.

He never truly understood or accepted the depth of feeling his parents and siblings, or for that matter, what Marlena felt for John Black. Roman would have booted the man right out of their lives as soon as he was revealed as an imposter, if it were up to him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t up to him and John was always there.. outshining him, playing the brave hero, the protector of fair maidens.. *his* fair maidens. Knowing he couldn’t be that honest with his father, he said only, “I think I understand Pop.. you’re trying to be fair and support us both. But, if you had to pick and choose only one of us, who would it be? For some reason, I need to know.”

Shawn Brady hated the thought of taking sides in the love wars going on his family, “Oh, son.. don’t do this.. I don’t want to have this discussion. I love the two of you very much… you’re both so important to me, and I want you both to find your happiness someday.

Suddenly, Roman wanted and needed to have his father choose him, to have him demonstrate that there *was* a difference, that blood ties did mean more than the bond formed over time with his rival. Roman let the insidious feelings of resentment and jealousy toward John creep into his heart and it came out in his voice and the frustrated expression on his face. “So…. you can’t say which one of us you think belongs with Marlena, or maybe you…won’t say it.”

Feeling irritated with his eldest for pushing him and realizing that in some ways it was time for Roman to face facts, Shawn decided to reveal his true beliefs about the situation, for his son’s own good. “Allright, if you insist, Roman.” Shawn proceeded to lay it on the line, saying firmly, “Son… you left her, almost four years ago now.. You were hurtin’… something powerful and I understand why you went away then, but you never wrote, you hardly called, you didn’t see the children. You basically disappeared from all of our lives, Roman. The God’s honest truth is, we wouldn’t even have known you were alive except for the occasional postcard.”

As he continued, thinking back over the years, Shawn glanced up at the plaque with John’s name on it and said, “But.. John… now.. he stayed here, Roman. He stayed and he faced the pain that came from his actions and he has been here for this family more times than I care to count. When Marlena was taken by that.. madman.. more than once, when the kids were sick or hurt, when Will was kidnapped, he was here, Roman. And, when Marlena was possessed by the devil, he risked his very soul and he helped God to save her. John has proven his loyalty and dedication to this family and to Marlena over and over. I know he loves her with all of his heart..” After only a slight pause, the Brady patriarch finished his explanation and without saying the words, made his position clear, “Son, I think he always has.”

That kind of comment always sent his blood pressure through the roof. Ignoring the implications of the first part of his father’s statement, Roman responded very derisively to the latter part, “Right.. he has always loved her, that’s why he was with Rebecca and then that socialite.. people have told me about, I can’t even remember her name… And that’s why he chased after Kristen like a dog in heat and broke up another marriage… why he got her pregnant before he ever asked her to marry him. It was all because he *loved* Marlena so much.. yea, I can see that!” he said while standing up and leaning over the bar, his voice increasingly laced with bitter sarcasm.

Oh, was Roman angry and bitter; he hadn’t let Shawn see it before this very moment, not since his return. He had been acting as if all were forgiven. The last part of what he had to say was going to hurt his son very much, but Shawn now believed it had to be said, for honesty’s sake, “Roman.. I can see that you have a hard time accepting this, but what’s most important here is that… John makes her happy, Roman. Her eyes light up when he walks into the room and she beams with.. joy when they’re together. So, if you must know how I feel, I’ll tell you the truth. Yes, I believe John is the one for her. You were gone for a long time and she moved on Roman… Once Kristen’s lies were exposed, they were free to love one another and they were reunited immediately after that. It’s time you start acceptin’ the fact that they have loved each other for a verra’ long time now! She loved you son, but she got over you and she moved on with John.”

Roman didn’t want to believe it and he argued, though he had said himself only a short time earlier that he thought she had chosen the other man. Somehow hearing his father explain the history and state her definite preference for John was too much for him to take. “No.. she… she loves me too, and she would give me a chance if John wasn’t pressuring her to make a choice!” he said with desperation in his tone.

Shawn sighed heavily, feeling bad for Roman, but didn’t relent, saying as he shook his head, “Son, you have to face the truth about her love for him, you *and* the kids. She does care for you, very much, and she s till feels bad about the past, but she loves John now. Roman…. I think you also know that if you and the twins keep pressuring her, playing on her guilt for hurting you and for the breakup of the family, she just might back off from her commitment to John and let him go. If you handle it exactly right, Marlena might even agree to marry you at some point, but it won’t be because she loves you like she loves him. I’m sorry for how much it must hurt you to hear that, Roman, but it’s the God’s honest truth as I see it.”

Roman was shocked to hear his father speak this way about him and about the other man, the one he still thought of as the interloper, the unwanted stranger who had stolen his wife and family and his only chance at real happiness. “My God.. Pop I had no idea you felt that way about all this. You really believe that all Marlena feels for me now is sorrow and regret, that the only reason she might entertain the possibility of waiting to marry John is out of guilt? I can’t believe this.. my own father! You’re siding with HIM.. when he took everything I ever cared about!” he cried resentfully, slamming his coffee cup on the surface of the bar. Shaking his head violently, feeling unloved, he shouted as desolate tears formed in his eyes, “I’m outta here! I can’t believe you’re really on his side.. against me.. your own flesh and blood! Goodbye, Shawn!” he said sharply as he rose to leave.

Roman proceeded to storm out of the restaurant without looking back. He felt completely rejected when he most needed his father’s love and support and he couldn’t figure out where the conversation turned around so badly. Not watching where he was going, he nearly collided with Marlena, who had decided at the last second before she finished dialing, not to call first. “Oh, Roman.. she exclaimed in surprise. “You seem to be in quite a hurry.. where are you going?”

Still feeling very angry with his father and not wanting to talk with her about it, he said, “I’m just.. leaving here, that’s all. I don’t have anywhere I have to be.. why, Doc?”

“Well, there are some things we need to discuss, Roman and I’d like to do that now, if you have some time for me,” she said, dreading the conversation, but accepting that it had to be done before she could fully enjoy being with John.

“I always have time for you,” he said, softening his tone and laboring to put the other emotions away so he could concentrate completely on her. Where do you want to go?” he asked much more pleasantly.

“Well, I was thinking about the Penthouse. We shouldn’t be interrupted there. Will you go back there with me now, or meet me there soon?”

“Let’s go now, Doc.. I have some things I need to discuss with you as well.” Reaching up to caress her cheek, Roman said softly, “I love you, Marlena.. very much. I’m sorry that I left you, that I didn’t have much contact with you and the family. I’d like to spend some time talking about.. everything that’s happened between us over the years.”

“I would too, Roman. I’d like that very much.” After those initial comments, there was quiet period while they rode in Marlena’s car to the Penthouse. Lost in silent contemplation about what was to follow, they arrived at their destination before either really noticed.

* * *
Back at the entrance to the Salem Inn, John remembered that he had forgotten some important phone numbers for the little surprise he wanted to plan and had to go back to the room. As he turned away from the curb, his cell phone, which was in the pocket of his leather jacket, started to ring. He snatched it quickly, wishing that it was Marlena calling to say she missed him already. “Hello, John Black here,” he said quickly.

There was a pause and then the quiet voice of his best friend, “John… it’s me.. listen.. something’s happened and I thought you should know about it. It’s about Kristen, John.. she’s…” Abe stopped, suddenly feeling like he shouldn’t say it over the phone.

Sighing with the familiar feeling he had in response to her.. frustration, John said, “Oh.. man what did she do this time? Did she try to take Susan’s baby again… you know she is so.. delusional.. Sometimes I wish she would just.. disappear, Abe!” he said, disgusted with the fact that the woman had managed to keep him apart from Marlena for so long by bringing Roman back.

“John… no… she didn’t try to steal Susan’s baby again. She…”

John jumped in with another comment, “Well, then it must have something to do with keeping me and Doc apart… Well, whatever it is, it won’t work because…”

Abe interrupted, sounding irritated, “No..John! Listen to me… it isn’t any of those things. Kristen is.. dead… I’m sorry to have to tell you this way, but I was afraid you’d hear it on the news or something, and I didn’t want that to happen.”

John nearly fell over with the shock reaction. Everything he’d just said.. all the assumptions he’d made and the woman was dead. “Dead.. but how? Why?” he asked in disbelief, plopping himself down unceremoniously on a bench he found nearby, feeling instantly guilty for his remark about wanting her to disappear. ‘Well, you just got your wish didn’t you, John?’ said a quiet angry voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like that of Stefano Dimera.

“From all indications… John, her death was a suicide. I’m sorry,” Abe said matter of factly.

He was incredulous. “A suicide? No.. Abe she would never….” John stopped mid-sentence and his own words came back to haunt him, “You don’t have the guts..” he had said when she told him she might as well kill herself because she had nothing to live for anymore. ‘Oh, Kristen.. I didn’t think you were serious.. I thought it was another ploy,’ he said inside his mind, as the conversation played over and over in his head.

When his buddy became quiet again Abe said, “Yes, John.. she was found, just now by one of the servants at the Mansion. She was lying in bed with an empty bottle of pills on the nightstand, and a half-empty decanter of Brandy.” Hating to tell him the next part, but knowing it would soon be in all the papers, Abe added what he knew would cause his friend pain, “And.. there was a home video playing in the VCR.. it was shots of the first few days after you brought the baby home. She also had photo albums scattered all around her; they were filled with pictures of the two of you. She was saying goodbye to you, John. We didn’t find any note, but the phone was off the hook, so we figured she made a call to someone before she died, but we haven’t tracked that down yet. I’m sorry, John, it really looks like a suicide.”

John was reeling with that news.. she was crying out for his help and he had callously ignored her, actually challenging her to prove him wrong. “Oh… Abe.. what I just said… I didn’t mean it like this.. you know that.. I.. I never wanted her to die. I was just so angry.. betrayed and hurt, but I never wanted something like this to happen.. Oh, my God.. Kristen killed herself because of me, I.. pushed her to it!” he cried remorsefully as guilty tears formed. There was a long pause and then a very soft, “Thank you for calling Abe, I’ll talk to you later.” John abruptly hung up without further discussion and turned off the power on the phone.

“No..John.. wait!” Abe cried worriedly as he heard the clicking noise. John sounded horrible, so full of sad remorse. Knowing how his friend’s mind worked, he was more than concerned about the man being alone with his feelings.

Abe rapidly dialed the number of the one person he thought could help John deal with the barrage of negative emotions and thoughts of self-recrimination that were likely bombarding him at the moment.

As they rode the elevator to the Penthouse, an awkward silence fell over them. Marlena kept running the words she wanted to say to Roman over and over in her mind. How could she tell this sweet man that there would never be anything between them again, that she didn’t love him the way she loved John? She had once given her whole heart to him and pledged to spend her life with him, but as the end result of some evil design, that promise was laid waste. All Roman ever did was love her and she had broken his heart by having the affair, and now she was prepared to do it again. She wondered if she had the strength on her own, suddenly wishing that John could be there, longing for the warm comfort of his arms around her, wishing that he could tell her one last time that everything was going to be alright. If only she look into his love filled blue eyes and hear him say once again that it was okay for her to be happy with him. Again, Marlena sighed and then talked to him in her mind; that was the next best thing, ‘Oh, John… I know that this is something I have to do on my own, but I sure wish you were here to hold me and tell me again that’s it’s okay for us to be together, that I don’t have to sacrifice my hopes and dreams any more.’

* * *
Across town, John was up in the room, having gone up to retrieve some item he had forgotten. Just as he was about to leave, he noticed the flashing light on his answering machine. ‘Maybe it’s Marlena…’ he thought momentarily as he approached and punched the play button, thinking how much he needed to hear her voice after what he had just learned. He nearly fell to the floor as he heard whose voice it was, but somehow managed to stumble backwards into a chair. Abe was right in his conclusion about her intentions. The message was from Kristen and she definitely sounded intoxicated, her words slurred, her breathing slow and labored, as if she were close to death:

“John, it’s me… I just..wanted to say..that I’m so….sorry for what.. happened between us, for all the.. lies I told you, for the… way I manipulated you. I loved you… but I was so.. insecure and all I could see was.. that I had to find… some way.. to hold onto you. At first, it was just…one.. little lie.. and then another and another and before.. I knew it, I couldn’t see the truth any more. It all got so… out of control by the end and I know I…hurt you… so much. I never wanted to hurt you… that was the last thing I ever wanted, John. I hope you believe that and some day.. I pray… you’ll think of me and… smile on the good memories, instead of feeling such.. hatred and anger for me. Well, that’s all I really wanted to say… Goodbye, John… I love you, always…”

It was all he could do to listen to it the whole way through, the sense of sad remorse hitting him like a roaring freight train. “Oh, Kristen… I didn’t hate you.. but I was angry, and I felt so betrayed by you. Oh, God.. I didn’t want you to.. kill yourself. Dammit, I should never have said what I did.. Oh, God.. I dared her to do it!” he cried out guiltily, remembering that conversation in the foyer. For a long while he just sat in the chair across the room weeping, and staring at the answering machine; those had to be her last words to anyone before she died. There was no doubt in John’s mind that she had killed herself because he turned his back on her, rejecting her at her lowest point and it swiftly began to penetrate his defenses and eat away at his soul. Memories played in his head, times when they were happy together, before her lies began. I loved you, once Kristen.. I did. If.. only..”

In his mind, he heard himself confronting a fact he had long avoided, ‘If only what, John… you were the one who started off the relationship with lies.. especially after Aremid.. you were still in love with Marlena, but you thought she didn’t love you, so you went back to Kristen… that’s why she was so insecure! She knew it.. and it hurt her. You were the one… John!’

He hated to admit it, but it was true. If he had simply summoned the courage to be honest with both Kristen and Marlena about whom he truly loved, if he had taken the risk of rejection, or whatever it was that kept him from going to Marlena, all that pain could have been avoided. Kristen would never have become the lying manipulative person she had. There would have been no loss of a child to mourn, no secret room for Marlena to be imprisoned in, no lies or deception to expose, and Jack might not have spent time in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. Most of all, Kristen would be alive and she would probably still be the good and caring person she once was. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like it was all his fault. Not wanting to dwell on all those guilty feelings and realizing that the tape was evidence, he took it out of the machine and placed it in his shirt pocket. He wiped away some salty moisture with his knuckles, sniffled a couple of times, and left his hotel room. Next, John climbed into the Jeep and started off in the direction of the Dimera Mansion, figuring that Abe would still be there, examining the scene.

* * *
Marlena was offering Roman something to drink, anything to avoid the inevitable for just a few moments longer. Roman was watching her and suddenly it dawned on him exactly why they were there. She was going to tell him what he essentially already knew, so he decided to head her off at the pass. “Marlena.. before you say anything, I just want you to know how much I love you, how much I’ve appreciated the time we’ve had together since I came back. We’ve talked about it before, but I need to say it again. I know that leaving you was the worst decision I have ever made in my life and if you give me one more chance to show you how much I love you, I promise you won’t regret it. I understand what happened between you and John. I should have tried to understand it back then.. but I let my anger and jealousy take over, and I’m so sorry. But, I still love you with all my heart, Doc.. please.. give me a chance to win yours back.”

She had to admit that it touched her when he spoke so lovingly to her, when he admitted to his part in the pain they both suffered through the years. Looking into his pleading eyes, she didn’t know if she could do what she had come to do. He was so sincere, so sweet and she did love him, in a way. Finally she responded, apologetically, even as she began to tell him the truth, “Oh, Roman.. I know.. and I feel horrible about what happened too. You know that John and I never meant to hurt you.. then or now. We never had a chance to resolve our feelings and the love we felt was strong. I’m so sorry for what we did.. and I thank you for your forgiveness. That means more than I can even say, Roman. But.. now..” She stopped short when she looked at him again; the words just wouldn’t come out of her mouth. For some reason she didn’t understand, she just couldn’t tell him that she had chosen John, that she planned to marry him and spend her life with him.

“But now.. what? Who do you love now, Doc?” Roman asked, barely resisting the urge to cup her face between his hands.

Somewhere deep inside, she found an answer, “Roman.. this is so hard for me. In some ways I do.. love you and I always have.. a part of me always will, you have to know that. But… you pushed the divorce and left town, Roman. At first I thought you would be gone for a while and then come back, once the anger faded. I waited, Roman.. for a long time and John stayed away. We both thought you would eventually come back to me, but you didn’t. John moved on, knowing that it would help matters and believing that I didn’t love him as anything more than a friend. And still, you didn’t come home.”

Though it nearly killed him to do it he had to know the answer to one burning question, “But you did love him all that time, didn’t you? You always loved him,” he finished, answering the question for her, his voice filled with sadness and loss.

Marlena looked away for a moment, not wanting to see that heartbroken pain, then gathered strength and replied honestly, “Yes.. I did. Roman, I know this is so hard for you to understand, but when I met him he was so alone.. without a past, without a name.. he was so lost, just as I was, without you… But, he was also brave and strong and protective and he helped me to feel safe. I had lost you.. or I thought I had and it seemed like I would always feel the pain of losing you, the aching loneliness in my heart for you, the fear of Stefano. I was learning how to survive it somehow, to go on..for the children’s sake and then I met John. He reached inside and truly touched my heart, and I.. soon found that I needed him as much as he needed me and our experiences caused a strong bond to form. In time… it became love and then I came to believe he was you.”

“Because you loved me so much and you wanted me back,” Roman offered, desperately wanting to take every opportunity to remind her of their love. Hearing her talk about what she felt for his rival while he was held captive was so painful.

She smiled on the memories of both men. “Yes.. because I loved you so much. But, also.. ” she stopped, knowing that this was a conversation that should have taken place years ago. “Oh, Roman… I wanted him to be you and I truly believed that he was, but I’ve also come to realize something else as the years have passed, something you and I should have discussed a long time ago. It was important for me to believe that because it made me feel that it was alright to love him. I..loved him before that.. long before, but I was denying my feelings for him because I felt guilty about letting you go, about falling in love with someone else so soon after you died. And that guilt has stayed with me all these years.” She paused and took a deep breath before saying what had to be said so that he could truly understand her love for the other man, what she also knew would hurt him deeply, “Roman, the truth is.. I… loved him when I had no idea who he was.. even when I… thought for a brief period that he was… Stefano Dimera.”

Roman’s jaw fell open with shock and disbelief. After several agonizingly painful moments of silent horror he said, “What? But I thought…” He stopped short, shutting his eyes, wishing he could eliminate the words he had just heard come out of her mouth. When he resumed, the confusion was intense as was the incredulous anger, “You… believed that he was Stefano.. the man you thought killed me and you were still in love with him? You wanted HIM? Oh, my God, Marlena!”

The anguish in his face pierced all the way through to her soul, but this was no time for backing down from reality. Tears formed and fell softly as she told him the whole truth of her love for John in those early days, “Oh.. Roman.. yes.. I did. I know that hurts you and I’m so sorry, but by that time my feelings for him were so powerful, so deep. Roman.. he didn’t have any memory of his life before coming to Salem and even though a part of me was horrified by it, and as hard as I tried, I…couldn’t hate him, Roman.. not for something he didn’t remember.”

He was totally shocked by her revelations and was rendered nearly speechless. Roman had always believed that the only reason she fell in love with John was because she thought the man was her beloved husband returned from the dead. Still not wanting to accept it, he shook his head and denied it again, “No.. I can’t believe this.. all this time.. I thought you only fell for him because you thought he was me. Oh.. Doc!” he cried, the pain finally penetrating through the shock and anger.

“Oh.. honey.. that’s what everyone thought.. that’s what you and everyone who loved you.. wanted to believe.. but there was so much more to it than that. There was so much more to him.”

“You thought he might be that.. evil bastard.. who had done so much to hurt your family, who had taken the man you loved with all your heart and you.. were falling in love with him.. This makes me sick! If I had known all this…” Roman was walking around her in a circle, shaking his head, still unable to make it stick in his brain. Feeling as though he never knew his wife at all after his return, he became agitated and his tone was biting, “What, so you.. manufactured this idea that he was me so that you could feel okay about being with him and you convinced the family that he was…all because you… wanted him! Is that it?”

Shocked to see the raging irrational jealousy returning, she fought back more tears and defended her actions and her motives, “No.. of course not, Roman! I didn’t make it up! I really did think he was you, shortly after that. He knew so much.. so many things about the family, he had some of your.. mannerisms.. he sensed things about me.. about how I felt…”

Clinging to some glimmer of hope, he cut her off by agreeing with her, “Right.. because *I* knew you so well, because I loved you so much! That was all brainwashed into him. It was me you were responding to, not him. It was ME you loved!”

Weeping for herself and for him, for the pain he felt in the past, for his realistic fear of losing her now, Marlena cried, “Oh.. Roman.. I’m not doing a good job of explaining this at all. There were also some things that were different, that made me feel loved in a different way. You.. were always the strong one in our relationship, the protector, and I was always the damsel in distress. He treated me as an equal, as a partner.. not just someone to be.. watched over. John… respected my opinions, he.. relied on me as much as I did on him. I didn’t put it all together at the time, and then I had that file from the plastic surgeon.. We both came to believe it was true, Roman.”

Ignoring the evidence aspect as well as her feelings for the man at the time, Roman reacted angrily to the whole concept, not having ever discussed it with her in detail. After a moment of containment during which his back was turned, Roman whirled back around and yelled at her, “Well, of course HE believed it! I mean.. he was alone, supposedly with no memories of his past, and all of a sudden he gains a beautiful wife, children, loving parents, a brother and sisters…a house, a job.. everything that was MINE! I’m sure he wasn’t about to argue with you. He was loving it, Marlena.. he would never have told you if he remembered his past. Why would he give all that up?”

“Oh.. Roman… John is not like that. If he had ever remembered something about his true identity he would have told me. He is so…honest…so..”

He interrupted again, speaking sarcastically while nodding his head, and then launched into a long diatribe about his competition, hoping to knock him off the pedestal Marlena seemed to have placed him on, “Oh, right… I suppose that’s why he went along with the idea of lying to me about the nature of your relationship since the day I returned to Salem last summer. And…then there are all the times in the past. He lied to me while he was betraying me with you, behind my back! Afterward, he supposedly felt SO guilty about it.. he was so full of sorrow and he swore it would never happen again. It wasn’t even a year later, he turned right around and slept with Kristen while she was still married to Tony. Finally… after serving as a Priest.. what a joke.. that was..” he said snidely. “..he lied to Kristen about his love for you when he was sleeping with her, getting her pregnant, planning to marry her. He was supposedly still in love with you all along, but he lied to you, saying he thought of you only as a friend.” He finished up in disgust, holding out a picture of the man, saying, “Yea.. Doc, you’re right, he’s one *hell* of an honest guy alright. “

Marlena was flabbergasted at Roman’s display of anger and bitter contempt toward John, but she couldn’t really argue with the facts he recounted either. Everything he said was the truth. John had lied, or at the very least, wasn’t completely honest.. all those times, and yet… she loved him and wanted her future to be with him. Part of it was because John loved her but didn’t think she returned those feelings, and he did… love Kristen, or at least the person she once was. Marlena admitted to herself that she wasn’t completely honest with John either. They hadn’t talked it all through and maybe it was time for that to happen before they wed, but it was none of Roman’s business. “Roman.. I don’t know what to say to all that,” she said, truthfully. She had no ready response.

Believing he had finally gotten through to her, Roman said, “Ah.. so you know it’s true, John is a liar! He might not have told you if he discovered the truth about his identity. So.. how does that make you feel about him? How can you trust in anything he says, Doc?”

Finally recovering from what her ex-husband had said, she answered firmly, “It doesn’t change anything, Roman. I love John and we may have some.. issues to discuss, but we will work them out.. together and we will be married, as planned.”

The bitter sarcasm continued, “Issues.. oh.. that was spoken like a true psychiatrist. I almost forgot how good you were at avoiding the truth by psychoanlyzing everything. Marlena… you have to recognize that he could have been scamming you the whole time and you’d never have known it, if you were so in love with him, like you just said. I mean you didn’t know he was still in love with you for several years. You don’t think he could have carried off the lie for the year or so you that knew each other, before you so mysteriously disappeared?”

That made her burning mad; John had no part in it and this man knew it. She resented Roman’s implication that John was involved in what happened to her, “Roman… that is enough! John had nothing to do with all that and he was devastated when he thought I died!”

“Was he, or was that all an act too? He’s pretty good, isn’t he?” Roman challenged, wanting to cement any doubts she might harbor about the man, but quickly realized from looking at her expression that she wasn’t buying it and that she was tiring of his angry accusations.

“Stop it, Roman.. this is going nowhere! You are not going to make me believe that he deceived me in any way. I know him and he would never have done something like that. Besides, we need to talk about you and me and what happened between us, not John.”

Shaking his head in frustration, he said, “Can’t you see it, Doc.. that’s the whole problem! We can’t talk about US without talking about John. He IS the problem! If he had never come here… we would still be together, like we were meant to be.”

Her own frustration was increasing by the minute. This conversation wasn’t going as planned at all. “Roman.. it was Stefano that caused all that pain, Stefano that set it all in motion. John was an innocent victim who suffered right along with us, and you know that!”

Roman scowled at her, “Ha…innocent victim? Hardly! He is no victim here.. if anyone is, it’s me! I was the victim.. All I ever did was love you and because of him, everything I ever cared about was ripped out of my life and now he’s doing it again!”

That was it; she had heard enough of his harsh and jealousy motivated criticisms of the man she loved. The man standing before her was hardly blameless himself and she let him have all her stored up thoughts and emotions about his behavior. Shaking her head, she laid into him, “No, no, NO! You stop right there, Roman Brady! Let’s just get it all out in the open. Oh…we have needed to talk about this for SO long!” Marlena paused briefly to take a deep breath and prepare him, both of them actually, and then let it all go, “Roman, you were angry like this.. when you came back and you.. didn’t want to accept that we all cared for him, that we all… loved him for who he was, not just for the name he went by. You expected that we would just throw him out of our lives and when we didn’t do that you were bitter and resentful of him. Roman, you tried to mold us into the people you wanted us to be, into what you remembered us to be, but we weren’t the same. Seven years had passed and we changed.. we grew, Roman. John recognized that and the children responded to him because he really tried to understand them and how they felt. But you just couldn’t accept that, just like you couldn’t accept that my feelings for him were very real and distinct from what I felt for you. And, that.. created distance between us. I tried to make it work, Roman.. to let go of him… but, after Isabella died, he was so alone. You and I were.. having our difficulties, and while I was.. helping him cope with the pain of that loss.. and all the others…we became close again. Then, John and I made a terrible mistake, but.. we ended it and I re-dedicated myself to you and our marriage, but when you found out about it, you couldn’t forgive me. I begged you to stay and work things out, but you wouldn’t! You said some horrible things to me, Roman… and still I wanted to try again to make the marriage work! You left ME! You refused me; you walked away and were gone for several years. The children and I hardly knew you were even alive during those years. So… if you are losing me now, it is because of YOUR choices, because of YOUR anger and jealousy, *not* because of John or anything he has or hasn’t done.”

Finally, he accepted some of the responsibility for what happened and shared it with her, hoping against all hope for some small sign that she would give him a chance, “Doc.. I.. was so.. hurt and I felt so.. betrayed. I knew you still loved me and I wanted to come back, I did.. but time passed and.. then it got harder. I didn’t know.. what to do or say, but in all that time I never stopped loving you.” As he finished, he labored to keep the anger and jealousy from his voice, but wasn’t completely successful, saying, “If John would just… back off for awhile, I know you could love me again.”

She was so upset with him that she commented on his last assertion and then just went right on going, “No.. Roman.. that’s not going to happen, but while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about John and what he HAS done, shall we? Roman, he has been here for me, every single time I needed some support or some strong arms around me. In fact, he was there for your family when you were nowhere to be found… when the kids were sick or hurt, when Will was missing, when I was possessed, when Stefano became so obsessed with me.. and kept trying to kidnap me. It was John who dropped everything to come find me and bring me home. It is John who has given his time and energy to this family’s problems, and risked his safety, his life, his sanity, his very soul to protect me and care for YOUR children, Roman. John stayed here and he faced the pain and took responsibility for his actions. But you.. ran away, Roman.” She was breathless when she concluded her remarks, but she felt liberated, having told him exactly how she felt toward both of them.

Roman stood there like a wall that had just been battered by hurricane force winds and was about to collapse, not knowing what else he could say to stand against her wrath and bridge the distance between them. He had sometimes wondered about how she really felt about his being gone. She was obviously angry with him for his absence in the lives of her and their children, but he realized something even more important than that while listening to her talk, which was just how deep her love went for his rival John Black. Roman recognized that he had sparked her defensive ire, because of cutting the other man down. Even as he knew it was futile, that he’d lost her for good, Roman scrambled for something else, searching his brain for yet another approach to get her to give him a chance.

At last, he did the only thing that would leave him any kind of opening, accepting the truth of what she just recounted. Forcing the frustration and resentment over the past back down where he believed it belonged, he surprised even himself by affirming her strong comments, “Marlena.. I’m sorry, I guess I lost control of my emotions there for a few minutes and I tried to place all the blame on John and you. You’re right about all of it. I understand and accept what you said about how and why you fell in love with him and that my own actions played a part in what happened between you two after I returned. It happened just like you said; I was angry about what I had missed. I resented the fact that he was here with you and my family, that he raised my children, and I wanted to make up for it, to recapture it. I wanted you to just let go of John, but I should have realized that it just wasn’t possible. It wasn’t fair of me to expect you or the rest of the family to simply cast him aside after he had been such an important part of your lives for so long. I also understand that leaving you the way I did was a stupid, impulsive action on my part. And, I acknowledge the fact that you are in love with him now, and you plan to marry him, but Marlena I am also asking you to be totally honest with yourself here.” Roman stepped close, reaching out to brush her cheek with his right hand, as he softened his tone, “That day on the Island.. and even in the restaurant last night.. you felt something for me. How can you ignore that and just go ahead and marry him?”

Of all the things he might say, somehow that was the last one she expected to hear. He was right and she couldn’t deny it, but it didn’t mean she was *in love* with him. Sighing with weariness well beyond her years, she took his hand and told him the honest truth that she hoped would finally end the discussion, as it was wearing on her. “Roman.. thank you for saying all that, I appreciate it. I won’t lie to you.. yes, I felt something. It was a renewal of sorts, a warm feeling of friendship and that is why I ran out of the restaurant last night. I was confused… the anger was gone and we were growing closer.. that’s what you have seen in me recently. I was so glad to be able to talk openly and feel good when I was with you. I hated how our marriage ended and it’s been so wonderful to have the friendship back again. And.. because of that warmth returning, I felt the guilt for the affair, for the fact that our family was broken up as a result of my actions with John. I didn’t want to hurt you or the children again, and that’s why I hesitated last night.”

Marlena waited, looking into a wounded pair of eyes until she saw some recognition of where she was headed. With a soft sigh, her eyes filling with tears of sadness mixed with compassion for how it would hurt her former love, she added what she hoped would bring his pleas to an end, “But, I did some serious soul searching and Roman… I’m sorry, but it isn’t love, not the kind of love you want it to be. It’s just too late.. my heart belongs to John, now. I love him.. so very much and I’ve come to realize that my life is with him, my future is with him. I will always cherish our time together and I will always care very much for you, Roman, but my.. romantic love for you.. is in the past now, I’m very sorry.”

So, that was it… there was nothing more to be said. Marlena had clearly made her choice and he had to accept it, but how could he? Marlena Evans was the only woman he had ever truly loved and she was walking away… having given her heart to the man who stole her from him once before.

Roman dropped his head and began to cry as he told her one last time exactly how he felt about her and what had happened between them, “Oh, Doc… I still love you… so much! I wish we could go back, that I could do things differently… I’m always gonna love you, Doc… always.. and if he ever.. hurts you.. I’ll be there for you. You mean.. so much to me.”

Several droplets of salty moisture fell softly from her eyes and made a pathway down her flushed cheeks as she said much the same, “Oh, Roman… and you mean.. more to me than I can ever say… A small part of my heart will always belong to you, Roman.. I’m so sorry for what happened with your return to Salem, for the fact that we had to lie to you again. We didn’t want to hurt you by keeping the truth from you. We were only following the advice of your doctors.”

He reached up to touch her face, brushing away her tears, and it suddenly occurred to him that it might be the last time he ever touched her that way. She noticed the look in his eyes and met them, one last time, acknowledging what they once shared as he said, “I know, Doc.. I know.. it just hurts so much to have thought I had a chance with you, only to find out that was never the case at all. I do forgive you though.” He dropped his hand and stood there looking down at a spot on the carpet, not quite knowing what to do next.

Still weeping, she said softly, “Thank you… thank you so much for that, Roman.”

Nodding his head in acknowledgement, he steeled himself to meet her gaze and said as more tears fell from his dejected eyes, “You have my.. best wishes.” Moving toward the door, he turned back and said, “You tell him that I said.. he better take good care of you or he’ll have me to answer to. Goodbye, Doc.”

Smiling in a subdued version of the old days, she said, “That’s my hero..” Then, she paused and stepped closer, kissing him on the cheek and whispering through her tears of sadness and loss for both of them, “Goodbye, Roman.” In the next moment, her ex-husband silently stepped out the door, pulling it shut behind him. It was over… she was free, and yet it hurt her somewhere deep inside to let him go that way. ‘Oh, Roman.. I’m so very sorry… I did love you..once, but now my place is here.. with John. He is the man I love, the man I want to share my life with, from this day forward.’

Marlena sighed with a mixture of exhaustion and relief and then walked across the room to pick up the phone, planning to call her fiance. Noticing that there was a blinking light on her answering machine, she decided to listen to the message first, thinking it might be from John. Instead, it was his best friend Abe Carver, and he sounded upset:

“Marlena, it’s Abe. Listen… have you heard from John? I’m worried about him… I gave him some bad news earlier and he hung up before I could finish. I’ve been trying to reach you… I hope you get this soon. Marlena… Kristen committed suicide. When I told John, he started to blame himself immediately, and it.. well, the truth is it scared me the way he sounded. Call me.. either way.”

Before she could react there was another message:

“Marlena.. it’s me again.. I still can’t find him.. I’ve called every place I can think of and no luck. He won’t answer his cell phone and I’m really starting to worry.. please.. call me when you get this. I’m on my cell phone at the Dimera mansion.”

And yet a third one, this time from someone else:

Marlena, it’s Hope.. I ran into John on the pier a few minutes ago.. He’s really hurting.. He told me about Kristen.. I told him to go find you, but he said you were busy.. Marlena, he really thinks it was his fault. I tried to convince him it wasn’t.. but he was so down on himself. He was saying that all he does is hurt people.. that he should have been honest about his feelings for you and maybe Kristen wouldn’t have changed, that you wouldn’t have been hurt by her or taken away by Stefano so many times…. things like that. I tried to stop him from going off alone, but he wouldn’t listen to me. I hope you get this.. and that you find him soon.”

Marlena listened to all three messages again and then dialed John’s cell phone. The power was off. She called the Salem Inn and he had checked out. She called everywhere she could think of too, including the mansion again, trying to find him, but had no success whatsoever. Nobody he loved had heard anything further from him. “Oh, John.. where are you? What are you thinking now, what are you feeling? John.. we’re free now, my love.. we’re free to get married, just like we’ve wanted to for so long.” Her gut churning with anxiety, her heart fearing for his safety and their future in love, she turned to prayer, “Dear God, we’ve waited so long… please.. watch over John and don’t let anything take our chance at happiness away.”

John maneuvered the Jeep around all the police vehicles that were parked in various places along the drive approaching the Mansion. His eyes fell on the coroner’s wagon and suddenly it hit him. Kristen was really dead; it wasn’t some nightmare that he would wake up from. A woman he once loved enough to marry had killed herself because he didn’t hear her cry for help. No, it was worse than that; he had heard it and ignored it, challenging her to prove she was serious. It appeared as though John’s responses to her over the past few months had led her to take her own life. That concept stabbed through his heart and made him begin to question everything about himself, forcing him to confront his own choices over the past few years, including his treatment of Marlena. Wishing she was with him and yet somehow believing he didn’t deserve any comfort, he began to pull the Jeep to a stop, thinking about what she and Abe would say if he told them both about his conversation with Kristen several weeks earlier. The guilt was so strong and in his troubled mind, others were sure to see it the same way and condemn his actions too.

As John stood in the middle of the long driveway, he looked over at the front door before approaching, asking out loud, “Oh, Kristen.. why? Why didn’t you get help?”

A very angry voice broke up his negative train of thought, “You were the one who could have helped her John, but you didn’t! You turned your back on her when she had nobody else, when she was alone and desperate.”

John whirled around to see the man he hated, the man who had caused him incredible, unspeakable pain, pain that most people couldn’t even begin to imagine. But, this time it was Stefano who was hurting, at the loss of someone he held dear. As much as John always thought he would enjoy the reversal, it wasn’t true in this instance. John was speechless, defenseless in the face of the angry man’s harsh recriminations, “She.. told me what you said to her… in a letter she wrote. Read it, John!”

John said nothing, taking the sheet of stationery with trembling hands. After a moment’s hesitation, he began to read as he was directed, as he was compelled to do. Tears formed in his eyes as he absorbed her last written words.

Father,
I am writing to say goodbye.. I know that I have disappointed you in so many ways, but I also know that deep down you loved me and I want to thank you for the good memories I have of my childhood. You were good to me and I felt so loved by you then, like I was special. I’m so sorry that I let you down, I guess I let everyone down, especially, John. He doesn’t even care if I live or die now; he as much as said so the other day. I told him I might as well kill myself and he said I didn’t have the nerve, no the guts to do it and then he walked away. I loved him very much father, but I guess I hurt him too much and he just couldn’t forgive me for what I’ve done. I’m telling you this because I know that you can forgive me, or at least I pray you can. I don’t want to die thinking that even you hated me. I love you, Father. Goodbye.

Kristen

Stefano was weeping softly as he recalled those words, but he was angry, and John was shaking with guilty grief and had no reply, no ready response to what he had just read. Stefano snatched the letter out of his enemy’s hands and started in on him again, “You.. drove her to it! YOU rejected her over and over again and you said something like that to her? when she was so desperate to have you back! How could you be so heartless, so cruel? You killed her, John! You killed my daughter!” By the time he finished, Stefano had John in a fierce grip by the collar of his coat, shaking him. John gave no resistance whatsoever, feeling every word the man uttered piercing his heart like a poison dagger.

He stammered out a reply, not able to comprehend how he could have made such a horrible mistake in judgement. “I… I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry! I never.. meant for something like this to happen. I.. I… didn’t think she.. was.. serious.”

“I’m *sorry*.. you think that’s all it takes? You are responsible for her death, John.. I will never forgive you for this! You took my Tony and now Kristen too.. you will suffer, John.. you will pay dearly for this.. I swear it on my life!” Stefano was shaking John violently, the raging adrenaline allowing him to hoist his enemy off the ground slightly, and still John did not fight back or even try to struggle out of the man’s firm grasp.

“That’s enough Stefano… that’s enough! You just back off right now and let him go!” Both men looked up to see Abe Carver standing a few feet away, striding purposefully toward them. Stefano released John, and then with disturbingly calm precision he smoothed the collar of John’s leather jacket. Before stepping back, the man leaned forward slightly and whispered menacingly, “I won’t EVER forgive or forget, John. You might want to watch your little ones closely.. there are so many dangerous elements in today’s world, aren’t there?”

In the next instant, the man stepped back and said for Abe’s benefit. “I’m sorry Commander, I guess I lost control there for a moment. Kristen’s death is.. quite a shock and John.. did know that she was considering suicide, but he kept that knowledge to himself and chose to ignore her cry for help. I am outraged by his callousness toward her,” Stefano finished indignantly.

Not having anything to say to defend himself, and feeling the fear engendered by the man’s thinly veiled threats toward his children, John simply looked down toward the ground, thinking about how many times he had been up and down this driveway, anticipating seeing Kristen’s smiling face in the doorstep, waiting for his return. That would never happen again, she would never greet anyone at the door. Kristen was dead now and he believed that Stefano was right, that his angry rejection of her had led her to take her own life.

Stefano stepped away, toward the house and Abe said, “I’ll take you inside in just a moment, Stefano. I want to talk to John first. Please wait over there,” he said pointing to the squad car a few yards away from them.

“Certainly Commander. I will follow your directions completely,” Stefano said respectfully, nodding his head in deference to the policeman’s authority over the situation, as he moved away.

When the other man was out of earshot, Abe touched John on the sleeve, hoping to gain his attention. “Hey.. buddy, I’ve been worried about you. How are you doing?”

John attempted some form of a greeting smile, but couldn’t manage it. Instead, he took out the tape and handed it over. “I..uh.. I just came over to give this to you. It’s a… message from Kristen. I.. thought you might want to log it as evidence.”

“What did she say, John?” Abe asked, vaguely knowing the answer by the man’s pained expression.

Not really looking in his friend’s eyes, he answered sadly, “It’s a goodbye.. She uh… she.. apologized for all the lies.. you know and said her love was real, that she never meant to lie or hurt me but it all got out of control..things like that.”

Placing a comforting hand on his buddy’s shoulder tried to utter words of comfort and support, “I’m sorry, John. I know it must hurt you to have received that message and to have Stefano accuse you of being responsible for what happened. But, you have to realize that you are *not* to blame for Kristen’s death, John.”

His friend argued firmly, his demeanor full of sorrowful self-criticism, “Yes I am, Abe.. I knew how lonely and miserable she was, how desperate she was becoming and I just turned my back on her. I KNEW and I did NOTHING! Everything the Old Man just said is true, Abe.. I pushed her to it… She killed herself because of me! How am I gonna live with that?” he asked forlornly,his head tilted downward as the tears of shame returned without warning.

Abe labored to find the right words that would convince his best buddy that none of his thinking made any sense. “John.. come on.. be rational here, you can’t take the blame for this. You can’t really believe that it’s your fault. She made the choice to take her life, not you.”

Shaking his head, full of self-loathing, John tearfully disagreed, “No, Abe you don’t understand, she told me she was going to do it, and I told her she didn’t have the guts. I basically dared her to do it and she did! I challenged her to kill herself! I *am* responsible for her death, Abe.”

Abe heard one of his officers calling to him and had to excuse himself. “Listen, John.. I need to go talk to that man.. but I’ll be right back. Please..stay put… I think you need to talk some more about this.”

Feeling it was futile and not believing he could handle seeing her death bed or her lifeless body at the moment, John didn’t respond verbally. As soon as his friend was a few yards away, he climbed back into the Jeep and drove away before Abe could run after him to stop him.

Abe worriedly watched him leave, saying quietly, “Oh, John.. I hope you go out and find Marlena… I think she’s the only one who can reach you right now.” Sadly, he turned his attentions back to the matter at hand, securing the scene and listening to the tape John had just handed him. After hearing it, he was better able to understand John’s reaction to the woman’s death by her own hand.

* * *
A short time later, another vehicle arrived at the Dimera Mansion. Abe Carver was still out front talking to some of his men, when Marlena stepped out of her car and walked hurriedly to where the best friend of the man she loved was standing. “Abe… have you heard from John yet?”

He nodded and said, “Yes.. I have, he handed me this tape and then left before I really had a chance to talk to him. Marlena.. he blames himself. He and Stefano had a little run in over it and John didn’t even try to..defend himself, he just took in everything Stefano said and agreed with him. He truly believes he’s responsible for Kristen’s death. Marlena, John is so.. down on himself, I’ve never seen him like that. Hope called me earlier and she told me some of the things he said to her.. Marlena… I don’t mind telling you, I’m.. concerned about what he might do right now.”

Marlena looked off into the distance, nodding her head as another round of tears tried to form, “Oh.. Abe.. me too. This isn’t like him… he’s not even trying to find me… to talk to me. Abe.. we’re together again. I made my choice last night and I told Roman just now. John was supposed to.. surprise me tonight.. Oh, Abe.. what else did he say to Hope?”

She said he told her that all he ever does is hurt people, especially you, the Brady’s, even Kristen.. He thinks that if he had told you how he felt a long time ago, then she would be alive, she never would have turned evil.. that you wouldn’t have been taken away again.. He blames himself for all of it, Marlena. Hope said she tried to get him to recognize that it couldn’t possibly all be his fault, but he was so upset he just couldn’t hear her.”

She let out a long tired sigh of fear and frustration. Life was so unfair to them, it seemed. Every time it even remotely looked as though they might have a chance to share their love, fate would throw another obstacle in their path. This was just more of the same. Marlena sighed wearily again, sharing her exasperated conclusion, “Oh.. man.. just when it begins to look like we’re going to have the chance to be truly happy together.. something like this comes along.. Maybe he just needs some time, Abe. Maybe this will all blow over soon,” she said with forced hopefulness.

Wishing it to be true, Abe let out a sigh to match hers, thinking back a short time ago and remembering John’s disheartened facial expression and remorseful tone of voice. “I hope so.. Marlena, I hope so,” but… Well, you should have seen him, Marlena. He was so.. oh, I can’t even describe it.. really. He just seemed so full of regret, almost.. defeated. It was like he really believes that no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries, he always fails the people he loves. It seemed like he was…giving up, Marlena.”

Recognizing the train of thought Abe was describing as true to form for John, she found moisture flowing from her eyes for his pain. “Oh, Abe… I pray you’re wrong about all this, that John just needs a little time alone to think things through and that he’ll call me soon to talk about it. He knows I love him very much and that I’ve chosen him. I have to believe that it’s enough to get him through this.” After reviewing their special night of blissful lovemaking, ‘We were together all night; it was so.. wonderful, and he was so full of joy earlier today,’ Marlena added one last questioning comment, “I know he needs me right now, Abe. I don’t understand…. why wouldn’t he turn to me? Why wouldn’t he call or come looking for me?”

You’re the bravest of hearts
You’re the strongest of souls
You’re my light in the dark
You’re the place I call home……

Marlena talked with Abe outside the Dimera Mansion for a few more minutes; he filled her in on the details of Kristen’s suicide and she better understood why John was so upset. The fact that Kristen died watching home movies of them with the baby John loved and looking at pictures of the life they shared had to be unsettling for him, to say the least. Then there was the answering machine message she left him, and the confrontation with Stefano; they all fueled John’s natural tendency to feel responsible for the suffering of others, as if he should be able to protect everyone he knew from facing any pain. John carried a heavy load upon his shoulders sometimes and when he believed he dropped that weight, he felt terrible about it. Where Kristen was concerned, he let his feelings of anger and betrayal take control and therefore didn’t respond with his usual compassion. It only made sense in hindsight that he would now berate himself for his perceived unfeeling response to the woman he once loved. Death was permanent and he could never resolve the pain and anger with her; that was very difficult concept for John to accept and live with.

You can say it’s allright
But I know that you’re breaking up inside
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night afraid and alone
That’s why I’ll be there……

When the storm rises up
When the shadows descend
Every beat of my heart
Every day without end
Every second I live
That’s the promise I make
Baby that’s what I’ll give
If that’s what it takes…..

He drove aimlessly for a long while, looking down every few minutes at his cell phone, wondering if he should call her. ‘Of course you should call her.. she’s probably worried about you, John. She wants us to be together, she probably told Roman about her decision. You’re free now.. So, why aren’t you with her? Because… I always hurt her.. what if I do it again? So.. what… you’re going to run away from her.. from the love you tried to deny for so long. Yea… that worked out so well the last time you tried it… good idea, John.’

He was feeling so confused, his troubled thoughts chasing themselves around his head. There were so many mistakes he’d never faced. All the times he and Marlena talked about the past, they always seemed to gloss over their years apart and the things they did that hurt each other and John wondered why that was. Maybe, it didn’t matter.. but maybe it did. Maybe the reason they didn’t discuss all that pain was because they were afraid that if they confronted it all, there would be nothing left of the love they felt for each other. If they were honest and revealed the suffering they caused, maybe they would realize some deep truth that was lurking there in the mire of their history. Maybe they would decide they weren’t meant to be together, after all. That agonizing possibility took control of him and he was suddenly afraid about the future. The idea of discussing the past with her, as he was coming to believe they needed to do before getting married, struck terror in his heart. Somehow Kristen’s suicide was making him question himself and his judgement and that led to uncertainty about Marlena’s love for him and their future together, though it shouldn’t have. However, guilt such as he was feeling wasn’t a rational thought process and he needed Marlena to help him with it. She was the only one who could reach inside and touch his heart, the only one who could make him see that he wasn’t truly responsible for Kristen’s death. It was mainly his choice to reunite with Kristen in the aftermath of Aremid, rather than face his true feelings for Marlena, that he was focused on because he now believed that was the worst at she didn’t blame him for not telling her how he felt years ago. Marlena would do all that and more, if only he would let her.

Through the wind and the rain
Through the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up
When the wave’s ever higher
I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul
I will hold on all night and never let go…….

When he didn’t call, she decided to go out looking for him. She drove to all his favorite spots and then figuring that he would probably end up at the pier at some point, she decided to go there and basically camp out until he showed up. Sure enough, as she descended the stairs she saw a lone figure standing with one foot on a crate, staring somewhat absently toward the river. She would know that sexy frame anywhere, in any kind of lighting. Marlena was quiet as she approached him, letting the sound of her shoes on the wooden planks alert him to her presence. When she was standing a few feet away, he said without looking at her, “Hey.. Doc..I.. uh.. guess you heard about Kristen.”

“Yes, I did..I was..worried about you. I’ve been looking for you for quite awhile now.”

He winced at her words, though her tone was only slightly tinged with frustration, “I’m sorry… I was just.. thinking…. about everything. I didn’t mean to…upset you.”

“John.. you don’t have to deal with this alone, you know. I’m always here for you… always.”

He sighed tiredly, wanting to explain himself, but not really knowing what to say. “I know… but I thought that maybe.. Oh, never mind, I just needed some time, I guess. “

Marlena knew he was hiding something because he was concerned about her feelings and she didn’t want to set that precedent, it had only led to trouble before. “No.. John what were you going to say? You thought maybe.. what?”

“Well.. there was no.. love loss between you and Kristen and I thought that maybe.. you would be.. upset with me if I.. felt guilty about it.. if I… felt bad and grieved for her death.”

“Oh, honey.. no, I would never be upset with you for caring about someone’s death. John, how could you think that?” she asked, stepping closer, taking his hand briefly.

He shook his head, saying, “I don’t know.. Marlena. The fact is my thinking’s been a little… cloudy since I got that call from Abe. It blew me away, Doc… I didn’t think she was.. serious about it. I thought.. she was just… saying it to play on my sympathy, to manipulate me into coming back to her.”

Marlena waited while he paced a little bit, formulating his thoughts, gathering courage to tell her what he felt so terrible about. She nodded when he stopped moving and looked at her, and then he continued, still somewhat reluctant to tell her what he’d said to Kristen, “Oh, Doc…It’s my fault. I… said she didn’t have the guts to do it… I should never have said that, I should have listened.. I should have… stopped it from happening, but I was so.. angry.. and frustrated with her that I turned my back on her when she needed someone the most… and now she’s dead. I was a Priest… once. I was supposed to help her.. and I didn’t! How am I ever gonna forgive myself for that, Doc?” he finished with guilty tears pooling in his eyes.

That’s why I’ll be there…..
When the storm rises up
When the shadows descend

Every beat of my heart
Every day without end
I will stand like a rock
I will bend till I break
Till there’s no more to give
If that’s what it takes…….

Marlena took him firmly in her arms and held him while he released some of the pain he was feeling, in a long heavy sigh. She knew instinctively that for awhile, he didn’t need words of wisdom, he simply needed to feel her arms around him, to embrace and absorb the love she wanted to give him. They stood there in the early evening chill, holding each other as close as possible. John wept softly, allowing himself to experience the emotions he’d been struggling with earlier in the afternoon. Somehow, seeing Marlena, and looking into her glistening, empathetic eyes, gave him that freedom.

After awhile, they walked arm in arm down the length of the pier toward the steps to one of the benches. Once they were comfortably seated facing the water, they began to talk again, Marlena sharing her reaction to his guilt-ridden confession, “John.. listen to me.. what happened to Kristen was not your fault. She made all the wrong choices, John.. not you, and if those choices left her alone and feeling miserable, there is nobody to blame but her.”

His voice filled with remorse, his eyes moist, John told her of his regrets, “Doc.. a part of me believes that, but the other part tells me that if I had just.. made some different decisions along that way, none of this would have happened.” Looking into her caring eyes, feeling thankful for her love and yet full of remorse at the same time, he continued on the same vein, “Marlena, if I had been honest with my feelings for you, if I just.. stopped long enough to make sense of my life and where it was headed after I left the Priesthood.. Maybe all the pain she went through, all the pain I put *you* through.. all those times that.. Bastard took you. It all could have been avoided.. if I just found the strength inside to take the risk, to tell you l loved you and fight for your heart. If I had done that.. so much would be different. Even Roman wouldn’t be hurting so much right now,” he finished with a sigh of immense weariness for all the regrets.

She understood how he had drawn that conclusion, but set out to show him how ridiculous it really was to put all the blame on himself. “Oh, John.. we’ve all made mistakes.. you can’t possibly put all that on your shoulders. Here… let me give you a dose of what that sounds like. If I had told you about my feelings for you sooner, maybe Kristen wouldn’t have miscarried the baby in Paris.. maybe she would be alive and happy and raising her child. Maybe Rachel would be alive too. And, if I had only been honest with myself all those years ago when we had the affair, Sami wouldn’t have become bulimic and maybe she wouldn’t have become so obsessed with having Austin. Maybe Carrie and Austin would have been married years ago. Maybe, they’d even have children by now. John, if I had the strength to face my love for you, and tell Roman our marriage was over, maybe you and I would have been married all this time. Maybe the possession would never have happened. You wouldn’t have lost a child, Susan wouldn’t have met Stefano.. she could have lived a happy, peaceful life far away from here, and on and on.”

John was nearly blown over by what she was saying. He sat there in silence for a minute or so before speaking, fighting off laughter. “Woah… I get your point, Doc.. There’s no way you could be responsible for all of that. Everybody makes choices in their lives. Just because I made some mistakes doesn’t mean everything that happened to Kristen was my responsibility. Everything that she did to hold on to me.. it wasn’t all my fault, was it?” Marlena was nodding, pleased that he was beginning to let go of even some of the guilt. “No, John.. it wasn’t. Yes.. you were hiding your true feelings all that time, but she chose to take the path of evil, to lie and manipulate and deceive you. She chose to hurt people to get what she wanted, and.. she chose to take her own life. You are NOT responsible for that.”

Somehow, he found it within himself to believe her and accept her words into his heart. “I know you’re right, Doc.. it makes sense… logically. I feel horrible about it and I know that what I did hurt her and you too. I’m angry with myself for that, but I’m starting to realize now that I’m not to blame for all the pain. I couldn’t possibly have caused it all. Thanks.. for confronting me like that.”

“Whatever it takes, John… that’s what this relationship is all about. We’re both there for each other whenever we’re needed, in whatever way we’re needed. I love you very much.”

“And.. I love you… beautiful.” They embraced again, relishing the feeling of being in each other’s arms. When they ended it, John changed the subject on purpose, choosing to put his thoughts about Kristen’s death aside for the time being. “So… you talked to Roman earlier, how did it go?” he asked, hoping for the best.

She was reluctant to give details; it would only upset him. “Well, at first, not very well.. but then after some of the anger cleared up, he was able to listen. I think we’ve reached a new understanding and we can actually be.. friends again. He knows that it’s you I have loved for a very long time now and he won’t do anything to interfere with our relationship. My happiness was most important to him, that’s what he said and that’s when I had a hard time.. We cried and we said goodbye to the past. Oh, and he told me to tell you that you better take good care of me or you’ll have to answer to him.”

For a second or two there was deep pain in those gorgeous baby blues as he listened to her talk. “John.. honey.. what is it?” she asked with concern.

He stood up as he sighed with confusing mixed emotions, and said, “Oh..I don’t.. know.. exactly. I guess I feel bad for him. I mean… I remember..how much I loved you when I thought I was Roman. I… hurt.. from someplace deep inside that still feels like I’m him. He loved you, Doc.. very much. I’m sorry… for what happened.” There was moisture in his eyes, but the salty droplets were not John’s tears; they belonged to Roman Brady.

His compassionate attitude toward the other man made her weep, “Do you know.. how.. very special you are, John Black?” she asked, reaching up to touch his face.

He shrugged uncertainly at that comment and said, “Well… not lately I don’t..no. Care to show me,” he asked sweetly, wiping Roman’s tears from the corners of his eyes. As she prepared to demonstrate her answer, John looked over in the general direction of the Brady Pub and said silently in his mind, both to the other man and to that small part inside himself, ‘Goodbye, Roman… that part of this life is over now. I’m sorry, but her new life with John Black is about to begin and I’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy. You have nothing to worry about.’

I will risk everything
I will fight, I will bleed
I will give up my life
If that’s what you need

I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul
I will hold on all night and never let go

Every second I live
That’s the promise I make
Baby, that’s what I’ll give

If that’s what it takes……..

John and Marlena walked up the creaky old steps of Pier 29 and stopped when they reached the top, taking a few moments to look back over the water together. Then, Marlena shared her thoughts, “John… we certainly have relied upon this old pier, haven’t we?”

Remembering so many times they spent there, together and separately, he said, “Yea.. we sure have. It’s in my soul, Doc.. but.. I guess you know that. You knew I’d be here, didn’t you?”

“Yes.. I did. You always come here when you’re troubled, when you have a lot on your mind.”

“I do; it..gives me… peace, I guess. Looking out there, seeing something larger than life, hearing the bells, smelling the air, listening to the water lapping against the pilings, it clears my head.” Unexpectedly, the image of that first reunion came to mind and he felt moisture in his eyes again, as he told her what else the pier did for him, “And… when I really need it the most, being here reminds me of Us.. of how strong our bond really is, how it can handle anything that comes along.” John turned back toward her to tell her how he truly felt about what had come to pass, “God, I love you, Doc… and I am so.. sorry that I wasted all that time holding back on my feelings for you. I love you so much!” He took her in his arms and held her close, running his fingers through her soft silky hair, as he did all those years ago.

When he finished, she was weeping, “Oh, honey.. the pier always reminds me of us too. I’m sorry too, John. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to break my ties with Roman a long time ago when you wanted me to, I’m sorry for not telling you about Kristen sooner. I love you with all my heart and I don’t want you to EVER doubt that again, I love you so….”

After wiping some of her tears with the pads of his thumbs, and cupping her face in his hands, he said, “Doc… let’s make each other a promise.. right here and right now to never let anything come between us again and to never hide our feelings. I’m sorry I didn’t call you tonight, and I won’t let it happen again. This thing with Kristen.. it threw me, you know.. but.. I love you and I know… that I’m going to get past this. I just.. want you to know… that without you in my life.. nothing has much meaning, I need you so much. You make me believe in myself, you make me feel whole.”

The things he said touched her so much, “Oh, honey.. you do the same for me and I’m sorry about what happened to Kristen. I know you still feel guilty, but John.. you have to let that go. You are so good and so loving. She changed, John… and it wasn’t your fault. She made the wrong choices time after time, and you cannot blame yourself for that. All you did was try to love her the best that you could.”

John conceded the point, saying, “Yea….I guess I did.” Something occurred to him as they were talking and he told her what it was, “Listen, Doc… to make this all seem real to me, I.. have go back to the mansion, to see where it happened. And then I have to go… see her body. I know it won’t be.. pleasant, but will you… go with me?” he asked uncertainly.

Squeezing his hand tenderly, she said softly, “You know I will, John. From now on.. we deal with everything together. That’s what love is all about, being there for each other.”

Tilting his head and smiling he felt so thankful for her presence in his life. “Do you know how very special you are, Marlena Evans?” he asked repeating her question from a short while earlier.

“Well, no.. not lately I don’t, no. Care to show me?” she teased, repeating his answer to the same question.

All he did was take her in his arms and kiss her passionately and she swooned. Before moving to their cars, they paused one more moment to look in each other’s eyes. What they saw was love, a deep and abiding love that would last until the end of time. What they saw was forgiveness for all the mistakes and all the missed chances. What they saw was the future, and in it was a grand and glorious wedding, followed by a wonderful honeymoon, and two separate lives slowly merging into one shared existence, raising their two little angel babies, together, always together.

* * *
Half an hour later, they were at the Dimera Mansion. It was much quieter this time. Most all the vehicles were gone now and there was an eerie feeling as they stepped out of their cars and approached the front door. John reached out a hand to open it and was surprised when he found it unlocked. Slowly they stepped inside and glanced around they foyer; it was so quiet now. Marlena squeezed John’s hand as they started up the stairs. When they reached the master suite, she did it again and asked, “John.. are you sure about this?”

He nodded silently and they stepped inside. The bed was just as it was, the sheets in disarray, the slight indentation where Kristen’s body had lain, still visible. The police had only taken some of the items Abe mentioned as evidence and left others. There was a stack of photo albums, one lay open to pictures of Kristen holding the baby, John looking on proudly. As he sat down to look at it, Marlena placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. John turned to her and smiled, placing his hand briefly on top of hers, but said nothing.

Flipping through the album brought the pain of the loss back. “Oh, Kristen… I loved the baby too. If only…” As he shifted his position slightly, he felt something underneath his leg and his voice trailed off. It was the remote for the VCR. Then, suddenly there was more noise in the room and the screen on the television came on, displaying pictures of the two of them together, playing with the baby on a blanket. His eyes were immediately riveted to the images displayed there. They were making cooing sounds and smiling, as the baby wiggled his tiny arms and kicked his little legs. “Oh, Doc..” was all he had the strength to say, as tears tried to form yet again.

Marlena went over to the television, thinking she would turn it off, but seeing that he was mesmerized by it, she changed her mind. Instead, she sat down next to him on the bed and placed her arm around him, saying softly, “I’m sorry, John. I know how much you loved him.”

“I did… I haven’t let myself think about it very much, but God… I miss that little guy. You probably won’t believe this but… once in awhile..late at night… I still hear him cry and I.. almost get out of bed to go to him.. and then I realize that he’s not there, that he’s not mine and he never was. Isn’t that crazy, Doc?”

“No..honey, it’s not crazy. I’m sorry we haven’t talked about this. I guess I didn’t want to upset you by bringing it up. I’m so sorry she lied to you about it, that she never told you about the miscarriage.”

“Yea…. I can’t believe it still hurts. I thought I was past it a long time ago, Marlena. I accepted it and I thought I had put it out of my mind. But.. seeing these pictures and that video bring it all back to me.”

He stood up and walked around the room, memories of good times with Kristen coming to mind. He was quiet for a minute or two then shared his thoughts with Marlena, “When I.. married her.. no, when I thought I married her,” he corrected mid-sentence, “I still.. loved you, but I believed that we would always just be close friends and I had accepted that. And I thought….that I was… finally going to have my own.. family with her and that baby, just like…” John stopped talking but the thought continued, ‘just like I thought I would have with Isabella and Brady.’ “But it wasn’t real…’ Marlena didn’t speak, but she shook her head to answer his implied question, knowing he needed to process it.

John paused for a minute, staring out the window somewhat absently as images from the past played in his head. Then he turned back and shared a conclusion with a slightly shaky voice, “Marlena, every time.. I let my guard down, every time.. I let myself think that life is going settle down for me… that I’m gonna have a chance to be happy.. something comes along to take it all away.” Again, he stopped speaking but his eyes were asking questions, trying to read her… ‘Doc.. are you sure, are you really sure it’s me you want?’ She gazed at him with such tenderness, but waited for him to tell her his concern, “I don’t think that I could…. take it if I.. lost you again,” he said worriedly.

She understood why he was questioning it again, but she had to make him see that it would be different this time around. Walking over to him and holding him briefly she implored him to believe in them, “Oh.. honey.. you’re not going to lose me. John, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I love you, and we are going to be married and raise our children together. You can believe in that.”

He smiled weakly, saying, “I want to.. you can’t know how much I want to, but I’m.. scared, Doc. I did that.. this summer, on our wedding day. I was standing up there with Bo and Abe by my side.. waiting for you to walk down that aisle and make all my dreams come true, and I thought.. here you go, John.. here’s your shot, you better make the best of it. But look what happened. It’s almost a year later and we aren’t even married yet. How can you be so positive that it’s going to be different this time?”

Marlena realized that she was partly to blame for this newfound uncertainty. After all she was the one who kept telling him that as soon as the truth was revealed they would be together, but she hesitated when she had that chance. John was just having a hard time getting past the fact that she ran off instead of telling Roman how she felt, and yet it was frustrating to rehash it. “Oh, John.. there are no guarantees in this life. You know that better than anyone. All I do know is that we love each other very much and we always have. We’ve both made our mistakes and we’ve forgiven each other. We have to believe in us, John.. we have to take comfort and have faith in the love we share and hope for the best.”

He was deep in thought again, reviewing his life history, their history, then went on trying to explain his concerns. “Marlena… our love has brought me the greatest peace, the most intense pleasure I’ve had in this life, but… it has also brought me more pain than I could ever have imagined. When we first believed I was Roman I thought.. I’m home now, I’ve found the place I belong. I couldn’t remember our love, but I felt it deep inside and I put all of myself.. everything I had into Us, and then I lost you and I was alone again.. but it was worse because I had a taste of what love was all about. And then.. you came back…It was a miracle, Doc and I was so… overjoyed, but I screwed it up by not just taking you into my heart again.. I hesitated and lost you again when Roman came back. Watching you walk away with him in Mexico was… so hard, but I did it because I thought that you only loved me because you believed I was him.”

That last comment made her frustration with the whole issue rise up. It seemed that everyone was trying to tell her how she felt and why she loved him and she let it fly back at the man they were all talking about, “John.. you know that’s not true! I told you that then and I’ve told you the same thing since. I loved you for the man you were with me. Yes, I thought you were Roman.. a different kind of Roman.. but it was *you* I fell in love with, John.”

He nodded, as if to accept that fact. But, the bitter sadness that he thought was long buried flared up suddenly, “But it didn’t matter then, did it? You went with Him!”

That made her mad, but because she understood why he was feeling so vulnerable, she labored to keep the anger to a minimum, “John, I thought there was no other choice for me, and yes I did love him. I couldn’t just walk away from him after he had been kept away for so long. He didn’t leave me.” Marlena suddenly remembered the scene that first morning after John had accepted the fact that he wasn’t Roman, and she somewhat bitterly told him her take on it, “And besides that… you chose Isabella! You…spent the night with her, and then you told me she was pregnant. Just what did you expect me to do with that, John?” she confronted.

He didn’t know she saw it that way.. he thought it was the other way around. Shaking his head to tell her so, he defended his actions, his lips quivering slightly as he stepped closer, “No..no.. it wasn’t like that.. I didn’t… choose her. I could see that you were already growing.. closer to him… by that time and then I found out Isabella was pregnant. I thought that…” Sighing in frustration and running his fingers through his hair, he said, “Oh, Doc… I don’t even know what I was thinking then, my head was so messed up. All I know is it just about killed me to say goodbye to you and watch you walk away with Roman. And then… later when we had the affair.. seeing you run off in tears because of what we shared.. I felt so.. ashamed of myself.. for causing you to betray your vows, but at the same time I felt so.. alive.” John stopped.. immersed in the memory, and finally he spoke again… “I was dead inside before that, Doc.. wandering around like a zombie, but it ripped me apart, seeing the pain that our being together caused you.” Suddenly, he thought to look right at her and tell her what it felt like at the time, and since, “God.. it was ecstasy! Making love with you was the best I ever felt, but all it did to you was hurt you and make you cry.. Do you know how bad I *still* feel about that?” he asked, remembering their intense discussions at the time.

Observing his increasing sadness and remorse about the past and its connection to his resurfacing doubts about them, and about himself, she tried to get him to stop delving into it all, even as part of her understood what had precipitated this exploration. Kristen’s death caused him to question everything, to look back over his own life, and the reasons things went astray. Attempting to reassure him, she moved a little closer and said softly, as she reached out to touch his face with both hands, “Oh.. honey.. don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do it to us, John. All that pain is in the past and we’re going to have a wonderful future together. Please believe that.”

He nodded but didn’t respond. Sighing tiredly he moved away and sat down in a chair across the room from her, wishing with all his might that he could feel as confidant as she seemed to be, not quite understanding why he wasn’t. Glancing at the photo albums, he blew out a long breath and said disconsolately, “I don’t know, Doc… I’m so.. confused right now.. I just don’t know what to think or how to feel.”

Marlena could see that John wanted to let it all go, but somehow he couldn’t and she realized that he needed to go back in order to truly move forward with her. The more she thought about it, the more Marlena recognized that she needed to talk it out as well, so she sat down on the bed and was silent, ready to listen and confront whatever pain came along with this emotional examination of what had come before.

Somehow, John read that thought process in her eyes and continued with his review of their history, “After everything else that happened to both of us, after all of Kristen’s lies were exposed.. we were right there at the church, and I was SO happy that day. But when we stopped the wedding for Roman… my heart stopped too. A part of me shut down that day. You never said anything about it, Doc.. but I know you realized that I was holding back after that. I.. stiffened up sometimes, even when you were in my arms.. because I was so…afraid that I was losing you again.”

She remembered quite well several moments came to mind as she replied quietly, “John.. you know that wasn’t true. I did notice it, but I let it go because I knew there wasn’t anything I could say or do that was going to convince you. You had to work that out on your own and you did, honey.”

“Yea, you’re right, I did… and then I went off with Kristen and Stefano to find the cure.” After he thought about all that happened since then, he stood up, went back over toward the window, and then started rapidly rattling off everything he felt, “Marlena, when I was lying there with that poison in my body, thinking I was gonna die.. all I could think of was how much time we’d lost. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for not realizing how much I still loved you during all those years, and for not telling you once I did. Then we showed up at the church, and you were standing there with him.. That was the last thing I ever expected to see… and I thought I’d lost you… then we spent all those months apart and you kept telling me we’d be together when he was strong enough. Well, I waited… and then finally..the moment of truth arrived and you ran out of the restaurant in tears.”

“John, we’ve been over this… I thought you understood it!” she said, becoming exasperated despite her understanding of his perspective. She still felt defensive.

John nodded, affirming her statement, wishing he could stop feeling so insecure. “Yes, we have… Doc, but how can I know that it’s real this time? How can I be sure that something else won’t come along and sweep you out of my life again, just like all those other times? Or maybe.. I’ll make another mistake and screw it up myself because it seems like that’s all I do.. is hurt the people I love, especially you.”

She went to him and took his hands in hers, wanting him to fully embrace her love and commitment. Passionately she responded to all that he just recounted, “Oh, John… I understand why you’re going through all this right now. Kristen’s death has affected you powerfully, it’s caused you to question things about yourself, to review your life. And the fact that I wavered in making my choice renewed the doubts you were having about my love for you. I’m very sorry about that. But, John… deep in your heart, you KNOW that our love is strong enough, that we can get past this and be happy together. You have to trust it, you have to trust me, John. And even more importantly you have to trust in yourself. The fact is… it wasn’t your fault that Kristen changed, and it wasn’t your fault that she killed herself!” She stopped to let him absorb that, watching him as his mind worked it out.

Then, as he stood a few feet away from her, his head pointed slightly downward, still uncertain, she challenged him one last time, “John… I am taking a leap of faith, faith in you and in Us, faith in the love we share. The question is: Are you with me or not?” she asked holding her hand out to him in much the same way she did that night so long ago when he was planning to leave Salem, for her benefit.

John stared down at her hand for a long moment, admiring it, thinking what a beautiful hand it was at that and remembering…. There she was reaching out to him again, like she did then…like she always did, feeling that same love. Only this time she was giving it to him freely. She was saying there were no more ties to Roman, that her heart was his this time. Inch by inch, he moved his slightly trembling hand toward hers. As the tips of his outstretched fingers finally met hers, he gazed up into her glowing hazel eyes, eyes that were filled with a lover’s tears. She was remembering too.

Then he whispered softly, “Yes… I’m with you,” and held his arms open wide to her. “Always..”

Her heart melted as she threw herself into his loving embrace, saying with a sigh of relief, “Oh, John… I just love you..so much! That’s all I want is to love you and spend my life with you.. you know that’s true.”

He sighed with a combination of weariness and relief, and then said, “Yea.. I know… I’m sorry.. I guess this whole thing really messed with my head. I’m sorry I upset you by going back over all that.”

Marlena smiled and said, as she recognized just how important it was that they talked about the past, “No.. it’s okay.. I think that conversation was long overdue anyway. I’m glad we talked it out.”

“Me too.” Feeling better about the future for having re-examined the past, he changed the subject, saying more positively, “And now.. let’s get the heck out of here. I want to go home, Doc.” he finished, a smile beginning to form on his handsome face. He was standing by the door waiting for her.

As they exited the bedroom and headed quickly down the stairs, Marlena said, “John… as long as we’re together, we’re already home.”

After stepping out the front door, John stopped their progress to respond. In that instant, his heart was filled with peace and contentment. He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked directly into the eyes of the woman he loved with every ounce of his soul, then said with passion, “Oh, Marlena… you’re right, we are. I’m sorry I forgot that for a little while. I love you… I love you so much!” Pulling her in toward his body, he added, “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve your love, but I know I’m blessed to have it.”

“John, we’re blessed to have each other and we should never forget that.” He nodded and smiled warmly, telling her he wouldn’t and held her even closer. Never again was he going to question or lose sight of the love they shared and how fortunate they were to have found their way back. It didn’t matter where they lived, or if they traveled a million miles from Salem. As long as they stayed together in love, they were at home.

Here we are, you and I at last
In the right place at the right time
Every dream I’ve dreamed has come to pass
Cause you’re right here you and you’re all mine…..

John and Marlena drove home to the Penthouse and it didn’t quite strike John that they were truly free to share their love until they opened the door to their home, and he saw what Marlena had done to set a mood. His forgotten surprises for her turned out to be hers for him. He realized she must have gotten very busy with the list he’d been looking for when he went back up to the room and forgotten all about when he heard the message from Kristen. There was a bottle of champagne chilling, several vases of flowers, candles of many shapes and sizes, ready to be lit, soft music already playing on the stereo.. everything they needed for a night of romance. It was exactly what he had planned on doing for her. He glanced around the room admiringly and then turned to her, asking in amazement, “Oh, Doc… you found my list.. didn’t you?”

Her eyes sparkled and her smile was so warm, he believed it could melt the polar icecaps, as she answered proudly, “Yes, I did… and when I heard about…Kristen.. I figured you could use a little help. I hope it’s not… too much, with everything that’s happened.”

John reached out to touch her face with the back of his bent fingers, as he often did to convey tenderness. “Do you know… how very much I love you?” he asked her, feeling touched by her thoughtfulness on his behalf, as joyful, grateful tears filled his eyes.

“Oh… I wonder if it could be as much as I love you, maybe?”

“Maybe… Thank you, Doc… for doing this, for caring about me the way you do. I’m sorry I didn’t get it together to give you my.. surprise. I should have been able to..” he started to say, suddenly feeling as though he had let her down too.

Rubbing his shoulders after helping him off with his coat, she said quietly, “John… someone you once loved.. killed herself today… I would never expect you to just go on as if nothing happened. I just wanted you to know that I love you and I wanted to please you, to do something to make you feel special and to feel my love for you, tonight of all nights.”

Turning around to take her in his arms, he said, “Well, Doc… I do.. feel that love. This.. is so.. amazing to me.. that you would think to do this.. after just telling Roman about your decision. I’m sure that wasn’t easy for you. Thank you for.. being so thoughtful and for loving me so much.”

She sighed wearily, remembering the intense conversation with her ex-husband. Seeing that it had been stressful, John held her shoulders and lightly massaged the tension away as she told him about how it went. “No.. talking to Roman wasn’t easy. He was angry and sad and it was a painful conversation, but very necessary, John. It’s like you said, it was time for honesty between us and it was time for us to say goodbye to the past, so that you and I could say hello to our future, so that we could be free to be together, openly in love the way we should be, the way we were always meant to be.”

“Yea.. you’re right it was time for honesty and I’m glad you and I talked about the past too.” After a short pause, he shared a conclusion he had drawn recently, “Marlena… more than anything else… I guess what I’ve realized over these past few months, besides the fact that you are definitely the *only* woman for me, is that time spent holding back when you love someone is nothing more than time wasted. I don’t want us to do that ever again, Doc. From now on our love is gonna be out there for all the world to see, okay?” he asked hopefully, holding her close.

Her eyes sparkled as she replied enthusiastically, “You’ve got a deal, honey.. no more holding back for this girl.. I’m yours and I’m ready to shout it from the mountain tops. And… I will always tell you how much I love you, how much I need you, and how much I love when you kiss me, and mostly…how I love the way you love me.”

John nodded appreciatively, feeling some of the guilty sadness fading with each word that issued from the mouth of the only woman he ever truly loved with all of his heart, mind, body, and soul. She filled him up and he never ceased to be amazed at how just being with her could make whatever pain he was feeling seem to disappear. Showing her with his expression what she did for him, he said it in words too, “Sounds good to me baby, and I will tell you every day how much I love to kiss those sweet lips, and how much I need to touch that incredibly gorgeous body of yours, and what the perfume you wear does to me. And… I will never stop wanting you, needing you, or adoring you for the rest of our natural lives.”

Marlena gazed tenderly at him, realizing just how very much he meant all that he was saying. This man moved her like no other and she said, “Oh.. honey.. this just keeps getting better and better.. I love you so..” She kissed him lightly, then said, “Wait right here,” as she took a minute to light the candles, dim the lights and make sure that the volume on the stereo was just right. Then she turned toward her love and smiled. “The kids are with Carrie and Austin tonight…” she said, then added with a seductive expression, “So.. my.. handsome fiance.. are you ready to be loved like never before?”

He raised his eyebrows characteristically while whispering with quiet intensity, “Oh, yea… I’m more than ready, Doc.. And, I’m not holding *anything* back!” he said as he swept her into his arms for a very passionate embrace.

I can’t believe the years of holding back are through
And I can finally share what’s in my heart, with you
Listen…. listen…
Listen to my heart.. listen to it sing
Listen to my voice
It wants to tell you everything

There’s so much to say
I don’t know where to start
But if you want to know the love I’m feeling
Listen to my heart…..

As the melody and lyrics of the song that was playing echoed their own sentiments, John and Marlena held each other close for a moment or two, relishing the freedom to do so. Their eyes were captured in a hypnotizing gaze, but their hands began to rove and assist each other with the process of undressing. Their coats were off and they communicated without words, exchanging a sensual look that said it was time for the next layer. John reached his hands around Marlena’s neck to unzip her dress, kissing and nibbling as he did so; she gasped with the tickling sensation of his breath on her neck and near her ears, “Ooh, John…honey, that feels so good. Oh…” she moaned, luxuriating in sensation, “how I’ve missed the way you do that.”

He smiled deliciously and cupped her face between his hands to kiss her passionately, his tongue exploring every region of her soft sweet mouth. When it was over their breathing was quickening, their eyes covered with that dreamy lover’s glaze. “Oh.. Marlena… I love you.. I want to make you feel so loved, so.. cherished.. All I want to do is please you.. forever.”

She swooned to look at the depth of feeling in his eyes, it was a deeper than any ocean, wider than the sky, and she found herself getting lost in the loving sensations he was stimulating throughout her body with his expert foreplay. Marlena stared right at him, reflecting all that she was feeling, to let him know she was moved by all that he was doing to show her his love, saying softly, “Oh.. you do, John.. you please me beyond imagining.. the love we made last night.. John.. you are the most.. amazing lover.”

After seeing that he had absorbed her comments, she too began to undress him, starting with his shirt. She slowly unfastened each button, kissing him each time another section of that incredible, rugged, chisled chest was revealed to her, and she could hardly control herself enough to enjoy watching what it did to him. His sharp intake of breath as she moved close to his beltline told her she was having the desired effect.

“Oh..Marlena.. I need you,” he said as his breathing began to take on a jagged quality.

All Marlena said was a quiet, “I know… and I need you too. I want us to have wonderful long time together tonight, John.”

His mind shared her wish, but his body had a hard time holding back and he tried to explain it to her, while she was undoing his belt buckle, “Oh.. I do too Doc.. it’s just.. you do things to me.. and all I can think of is… ripping your clothes off and taking you wherever we are,” he responded in an almost desperately passionate whisper.

That was enough to take away the thin veneer of control she had left. She whispered with labored breaths of her own, “Ooh, honey.. I’ll let you in on a secret.. I feel the same way about you.” She quickly divested him of his shirt, pants and undershorts, and her lover was standing there in all his naked glory, that body that looked as if it were created by the world’s greatest artist. His face so incredibly handsome, his chest so muscular.. the rest of him, so…sexy; he was a perfect example of a man and she gasped at the sight of him bathed in candlelight. Stepping back to get a better look and in a voice laden with heated desire, she shared her response to him, “Oh.. John.. you tell me all the time how pretty I am.. but you… my love.. You are.. so.. beautiful to me. Your body is perfect, and I want to kiss and touch every part of you tonight. I want to take away all your pain, all your doubts. I want you to think of nothing else but the two of us and the love we share, and how your body feels next to mine, how it feels when I touch you, when we’re kissing.”

John was speechless to hear her talk that way about him, it was.. strange and wonderful and he found himself becoming increasingly aroused as she stepped closer once again. Just being close to her was enough to make him ache to have her. Finally, he found some words, “Oh.. Doc..thank you… and I want to see you.. I want to touch you too, I want to do all of that and more for you…”

He slowly advanced and finished undressing her as well, starting by dropping the dress off her shoulders, kissing and licking her as her soft alabaster skin was revealed to him. Next it was her camisole which he removed effortlessly and all that was left were a bra and panties and he gasped at what the clothes had hidden, anticipating the next step. As he placed his hands upon her shoulders and prepared to kiss her luscious lips, she tilted her head back, inviting him in and he moaned in expectation of the next few minutes. John swiped at the hollow with soft feathery motions of his tongue and they both felt their hearts beating faster, in time with each other. Then their lips met and tongues slipped inside mouths, gliding effortlessly around each other as if choreographed, both moaning with pleasure as the contact lingered, their desire increasing by the second.

“This is all I ever want in my whole life.. honey.. is to be with you this way, ” John said excitedly, as he unsnapped her bra and then reached down to slip her silk panties off her sensuous curves. “God.. you’re incredibly gorgeous and you only grow more beautiful with the passage of time.. I love you.. so much, Marlena, more now.. in this moment than ever before.” Tears were in his eyes, as it was finally sinking in that all the obstacles had been overcome. They were free at last, their painful past was behind closed doors and the gates of heaven were openly embracing this great love affair that spanned more than a decade and endured more challenges than most people could even imagine.

Caressing his face, she gazed intently into his eyes as tears of joy began to flow from her own, saying “Oh… John, you are so.. good to me and this is all I’ve ever wanted too. And somewhere in the back of my mind.. I knew.. that one day.. we would both find our way back to each other, that we would find what we were looking for.. in each other. And now.. that wish, that prayer is coming true.. Finally, we’re home, John.. We’re home again.”

All my life I’ve been on a road
Going one way toward one dream
The road would wind and down it I would go
Always searching, never finding
But even in my darkest hour I always knew
That someday, somehow the road would lead to you

And words can’t express
How my heart’s filled with happiness………

When he responded, his voice was shaky, full of the same intensity of emotion, as he told her how he felt all that time. Holding her in a way that allowed her to see his eyes, he said “Oh… Doc.. it’s true.. when I’m with you.. I am home.. and there’s no better place for me to be than in your arms, loving you, touching you, kissing you.”. Tears fell softly as he gently threaded his fingers through her silky golden hair and told her what he felt about the years apart, “You can’t know… how I’ve Ionged for this moment.. the aching feeling deep inside my heart… all those years.. The times I’d look at you.. oh, just seeing you smile.. God.. sometimes I was… wanting you so badly.. but knowing I couldn’t have you.. and how many times I wished on a star and prayed that by some miracle I would get you back. I stopped believing for awhile, Marlena… and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have given up, I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

Wiping a few of his tears from his flushed cheeks with her outstretched fingertips, she said softly, “Oh.. honey.. I know.. I understand.. it’s been pretty confusing these past few years. It was like that for me too, John.. crying myself to sleep at night.. wanting to find some way.. to be with you.. believing it wasn’t possible. But, honey.. now all that crying, all that wishing, hoping, and praying is over. We are finally together and we always will be. My heart is overflowing with happiness to know that we’ve been given our second chance.”

“Yea.. we have, and I want to do it right, Doc.. I want to make all your dreams come true, Marlena.”

“You already have honey.. you already have because all I ever dreamed of was to be with you, and all that’s left is to walk down that aisle to you and become Mrs. John Black. All I want in this whole world is to be your wife and the mother to your children and spend the rest of my life with you.”

He sighed contentedly and said, “Oh, yea.. that can’t happen soon enough for me.. What do you say to a wedding in May?”

She pulled out of the embrace to see if he were serious, saying, “May.. John, that’s almost three months from now! How can you expect me to wait that long? How can you wait that long?” she asked, slightly shocked.

It made him feel warm all over to see how eager she was to become his wife, now that all the problems had been resolved, “Okay.. how about April?” he asked to see just how eager she was.

“March?” she countered with sexy twinkle in her eyes that was designed to persuade.

John could see that she really wanted it to happen soon, and the truth be told so did he, yet he wanted to give her every opportunity to plan the perfect wedding, which he knew took time. “But, Doc.. don’t you want to do it up right.. you know..invitations, the caterer’s, the music, flowers, the cake!” He finished with a smile when he mentioned the best part of the reception.

She giggled and repeated his last word, “The cake.. That’s still the part you like the best isn’t it?” she asked, sliding a finger up and down his left cheek, remembering their little *discussion* about chocolate versus white cake for their first wedding. It was the only thing he had any real feelings about during the planning stages all those years ago.

He remembered too and then said with a sly smile, “No… actually, that’s the part I like second best.”

Her curiosity was peaked now and she said, “Oh.. well what’s the part you like the best?”she asked teasingly, having a good idea of what it was.

Smiling and imagining that moment, he answered, “The part when the priest says, You may now kiss the bride.” John proceeded to demonstrate for her, satisfied by the soft sound of pleasure she made in response.

“I should have known…” she said with a happy sigh. “It’s good to know that some things never change.”

“Um hmm, you should have.. Actually, you know it’s sort of a tossup…”

She was puzzled now, “Between that and the cake…”

A gleeful grin appeared as he pulled her closer and responded, “No… between that and the part where he says, ” I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. John Black.”

Her smile rivaled his as she envisioned that instant in time, “Now.. that’s the part I’m most excited about.. I want that announcement to be heard around the world. I can’t wait to hear those words and then run down the aisle as husband and wife.. at last. That will be a dream come true. So.. March it is?” she concluded.

John agreed.. he was fine with it, as long as it was what she really wanted, “March it is.. if you think you can get everything ready by then.” A way to tease her suddenly occurred and he decided to have some fun with her, “You know you sure will make Shawn happy if you chose a St. Paddy’s day theme. Wouldn’t it be great, Doc? I can see it now.. bright green bridesmaids dresses and matching green cummerbunds for the tuxes, green and white dyed carnations… Doesn’t that sound like a lot of fun, Doc?” he said jokingly, with a chuckle, waiting for her to explode on him.

She had to laugh thinking of how Shawn really would love that, “Oh.. my.. wouldn’t that get some nice press in the papers? And, we could have green frosting on the cake.. yes.. it’s all coming together in my mind.. Our song could be Those Irish Eyes are Smiling..” She shuddered at the thought.. “Ooh, I’m scaring myself.. No… no St Patrick’s Day weddings, thank you. April is sounding better all the time, honey…”

He smiled warmly and said, “April it is then, I’m so glad we could work that out. Now… where were we when we so rudely interrupted ourselves to plan our wedding?”

“Uh.. right about here, I believe,” she said kissing him briefly but intensely, before pulling on his hand and heading toward the area she had arranged with pillows and blankets. John made a quick move away from her to double bolt the door and check the alarm and then swept her off her feet to carry her over to the spot near the fireplace. They didn’t need any fire there tonight, they were making one all their own.

Listen to my heart, listen to it sing
Listen to my voice, it wants to tell you everything
Listen to my song, listen to it soar
I’ve waited all my life for this one moment
I’m not waiting anymore……

Within seconds, John was setting her down, admiring her timeless beauty which was enhanced by the soft light of candles and moonlight shining through the glass doors to the terrace. After a brief pause to record the moment, he began to make love in earnest again. His hands seemed to be worshipping her body and his mouth was doing the same. Their kisses were soft and moist, tender at first and then more fervent… fueling the desire that was always burning just below the surface.

John slipped his hand between her legs, parting them so gently, and his fingers found the spot that made her cry out for more. As he touched her expertly, his tongue was making quick little motions over the surface of her chest and when he heard her moan, “Oh.. John.. that feels so.. good.. Oh, honey… whew.. I need you..” he captured one of the soft mounds and took it inside his mouth sucking tenderly. She gasped and he felt his own body responding to her sounds of love.

Placing his body on top of hers, he alternated between them.. and then blew out several soft breaths over the moist flesh until she was desperate with desire for him. “John… I want you now.. please!” she cried while arching her body to meet him, as her breathing became ragged.

When he felt the moisture down below, his as well as hers, he knew she was ready; he certainly was. His bulging aching need to join with her was fast becoming almost unbearable, but he was waiting to make it perfect for both of them. “Oh…Doc.. I want you so much too… Oh, God.. it feels so incredible to be with you.. it’s like nothing else… I’m on fire for you.. Oh…Marlena! ” That was his last word, as he took her mouth in one last passionate kiss, his tongue swirling frantically around hers, the movements rapid and forceful.. and they moaned and writhed with increasing pleasure which was quickly approaching mutual ecstasy.

As their hands and mouths roved all over each other’s bodies finding special pleasure zones, they began to move in perfect harmony, their hearts beating in time, sharing themselves in their own brand of intimacy that was like nothing else in their lives.

As they reached the summit of love, John thrusting in and out masterfully, bringing them both indescribable pulsating sensations of love, they moaned elatedly and cried out together, “Oh.. Doc.. I love you, I love you!” “Oh.. John..I love you too.. Oh.. honey.. it feels so good.. Oh… OH!”

The love they made was a truly beautiful and wondrous expression of love between two kindred spirits, two soulmates. This bond of love, this powerful connection of body and soul that they shared when they made love.. was the most incredibly blissful experience either had ever known. There was nothing hidden, nothing feared, no emotion denied, no pretense whatsoever. They opened their hearts to each other completely and without reservation and the pleasure was always mutual as they gave to one another unselfishly.

Listen to my heart as it smiles
To know that now after so long
I can finally sing my song
And you’re here and you’re listening, you’re listening
Listen to my voice and it will tell you everything
All about the life that’s just about to start
For if you want to know how much I love you
Listen to my heart

Listen to my heart…….

Roman Augustus Brady was sitting up at the bar in the Pub, crying in his coffee.. so to speak. He and his father weren’t exactly on speaking terms yet. It was just yesterday that they had a run-in over the John and Marlena situation and he didn’t want to hear any I told you so’s from Shawn Brady. That was the last thing he needed to hear at the moment. Much of what the Brady patriarch had tried to explain to his son’s resistant ears was what Roman finally allowed himself to hear from Marlena later that same evening and he didn’t really want to talk about it.

The fact was that it was over for them forever and the truth be known, it had been almost since the day the other *Roman* arrived in Salem with nothing but a blank slate for a brain. Listening to her talk about loving John Black even when she thought the man was Stefano Dimera risen from the ashes yet again was what finally convinced him, though Roman fought the truth even as she uttered those fateful words that had pierced his heart. If she could love him, despite the despicable acts of evil that other man had perpetrated in the past, then her love for John was a force he could not ever conquer. It was finished and he had to move on…. but how could he do it? She was the only woman for him, the only one who ever saw through to the very heart and soul of him. ‘Oh, Doc… where do I go from here? How do I let go of you for good?’ The sadness descended upon him in a deluge, like a thunderstorm in late winter pouring down cold rain that chilled him to the bone.

Shawn and Caroline were standing in the doorway to the kitchen speaking in whispered tones. “Oh… Shawn, he’s completely devastated by this… I hope it doesn’t affect his health.”

“And I hope he doesn’t go back to that other life. Did you know Shane Donovan called him about some new assignment the other day?”

His wife’s eyes went wide with worry, “No… I didn’t. What did Roman tell him?”

Sadly, Shawn said, “I think he put the man off until Marlena made her choice.. and now that’s been done. Caroline, you know that he’ll be tempted to go back to it. He always loved living on the edge. I’m worried about him and I’d like to talk him out of it, if it’s possible.”

She nodded, saying “Yes… me too, but I don’t think he can talk to you about it right now. He told me what you said to him.. he’s very upset about it, Shawn. He thinks you’ve chosen John over him, that you favor John now because Roman left us all for so long.”

Shaking his head, Shawn balked at that idea, frowning as he said, “Oh… Caroline… that sounds like the way a child would react. For God’s sake that isn’t what I meant, and when he returns to his senses he’ll understand that. What I did was try to get him to recognize that the love Marlena has for John is very different from what she feels for him. He needs to accept it Caroline; her feelings have changed and even an old fool like me can see how happy she is when she’s with John… I’m sorry for Roman, I really am… but he made his choice long ago and it’s time he learned to live with it, just as I would have had to do if I left you when I found out about Victor.”

Looking over at the dejected form of her eldest child sitting at the bar, she sighed worriedly, remembering that most difficult time of their lives. “Oh… Shawn, I know you’re right and I agree with you. It’s just so hard to see him in such pain over this. He regrets that choice and he wants to make up for it, but I guess it’s just not going to happen.” Turning her attention and her gaze back to her husband, Caroline continued, “I know that Marlena loves John now… I think she always has, and I’ve certainly been able to see how deeply John has loved her all these years. Did you know I tried to get him to recognize that his feelings went way beyond friendship when he got back together with Kristen the last time? I could see that they both still loved each other, but for some very understandable reasons they couldn’t tell each other. I’m happy for them, I really am. I just wish Roman could be happy too,” she finished with a tired sigh. She loved both men as sons and wanted them both to have the love of a good woman and the security of a loving family.

“So do I darlin,’ so do I and he will be.. once he accepts the truth and moves on with his life. I just hope he doesn’t think he needs to leave town to do that.”

All she could do was nod and sigh once more. After a moment’s pause, she said, “I’ll talk to him… Wish me luck?”

“The luck of the Irish to you, my lady…” he said with a wink and a trace of a smile on his aging features, just before he kissed her. She smiled and then squeezed his hand before heading towards her son, saying, “I love you Shawn Brady.”

“And you know how much I’ve always loved you, Caroline Brady. I hope it goes well with the lad.” With that Shawn went on back to the chowder and Caroline took a few steps toward the bar, preparing herself for a difficult conversation. As she moved closer, she cleared her throat to get her son’s attention.

Roman looked up into the caring, loving, accepting eyes of his mother and smiled. Those eyes were the only ones who looked upon him with completely unconditional love, and it brought comfort to his wounded heart and weary soul, even at his age. “Hi Ma…” was all he said to her and that was all he needed to say.

The look in his eyes and the way he said those two little words embodied so much pain and loss, and her heart went out to him. “Oh.. Roman.. I’m sorry about what happened with Marlena. I know it hurts you very much.”

He smiled at the irony of it, “Yea… it’s funny… I left her, I divorced her and left Salem for years. I don’t know what I expected from her. All that time I loved her.. but I had to know that she would move on.. probably with him.. but somehow.. I never allowed myself to believe it once she said she’d marry me when I was lying in that hospital bed. When I think back on it, it was so.. obvious. I mean the way they were always showing up together, or leaving to go *talk.* The way she looked at him.. ” He smiled strangely and said more firmly, “The way *he* looked at her… God, he always looked at her that way.. like she was his whole world. I guess I did the same thing the last time… I denied the love that existed between them.. when I came back, when the affair was happening and this time too. I lied to myself, I hid from the truth… She always loved him more than me, Mom. I don’t know why I couldn’t let myself see it years ago. If I had.. I could have spared us all a lot of pain and suffering, a lot of guilt.”

Caroline sighed wearily… As much as she wanted to argue with her son, to tell him that at one time, Marlena did love him more.. she couldn’t really disagree. Caroline had seen it too, even during the best times the couple ever had. Once John was a part of their lives, their relationship had never been the same. Marlena was drawn to John; her love for that other man and his for her was an awesome unstoppable force. It was unexplainable, indefinable, and stronger than any love the Brady matriarch had ever seen. “I’m sorry son.. I really am. I’m sorry Stefano manipulated all our lives by bringing John to us in your place, but I’m not going to lie to you about it. I think you’re right, Marlena has always been connected with him, since almost the very first day he arrived in Salem and it’s a bond that never faded in all these years. I think it’s time we all move on; it’s time for us to face the fact that for whatever reason, they belong together.”

Roman wished she had argued, and he could see in her eyes that she did too, but this was truth time. “I know.. Ma… I just don’t know how to do that.” Tearfully, he expressed it one last time, “I love her… I still love her with my whole heart and I know that leaving her was the worst mistake of my life. God.. you can’t know how much I wish I could go back and change that decision, how I wish I could have found the strength inside to forgive her like Pop forgave you. Honestly Ma… if I had done that… do you think we’d still be together or would they have found their way back to each other eventually?”

Second-guessing never did much good and it would only hurt him, “Oh.. Roman, please..this isn’t going to change anything… let’s just leave it as it is.”

Roman was insistent, “No.. it matters to me what you think, Mom. If I had handled the whole thing differently. If I hadn’t gotten so angry and said such.. cruel things to her and shoved the divorce down her throat.. do you think we’d be happily married the way you and Pop are?” he asked hopefully.

She didn’t quite know what to say to him.. it seemed so important to him to hear her thoughts on the matter, but she didn’t want to hurt him. Caroline let her mind take her back in time, as she began to answer uncertainly, “I don’t know… Roman… I think that you might be. I believe that she meant every word she said to you then. Roman, they were both feeling so.. guilt-ridden about what happened and they had moved on from the intensity of their romantic relationship because they knew that the affair was wrong.” Caroline paused for a moment, still considering it, and then stated firmly, “Yes… I think she would have let him go forever had you stayed and worked things out with her.”

That assertion hit him hard. At last, Roman faced the brutal reality of his situation. It really wasn’t John… it was himself and his own reaction to the affair that had cost him his marriage and his family. Marlena would have honored her commitment to him and they might have gone on to spend the rest of their lives in a relatively happy stable marriage. Somehow, hearing his mother share her perspective on what happened made Marlena’s words from the night before sink in more completely.

It was precisely at that moment of realization that the two Brady’s looked up into the faces of the man and woman they had just been discussing. Roman and Marlena stared at each other and Roman knew from the transient flicker of love and sadness in her eyes that it was true. If he had stayed, they would in all likelihood still be together, their family intact and just maybe.. healing would have taken place in all their lives. It was possible that even Sami and Eric would eventually have forgiven their mother and the man who was once believed to be their father for the mistake they made. It all hinged on Roman’s actions at the time the forbidden liaison between the other two was made public knowledge.

The agonized expression of anguished acceptance on John’s face was hard to take; Roman wanted to feel good about it, but couldn’t find it within himself. John was beyond hurt to hear it spoken out loud, and to see the reality of it in those hazel eyes, but he had always known Marlena’s commitment to her family was her highest priority. That was why she wouldn’t leave Roman when the affair was happening and why John had finally been the one to put an end to it, but hearing it now, this way… caused him pain in a manner he couldn’t understand or even define in his own mind. John just knew he had to get out of there… away from those three staring faces, three faces that were waiting for his reaction. After what had happened to Kristen… his thoughts were jumbled and his emotions were in such turbulent disarray that he couldn’t handle the idea that Marlena wouldn’t eventually have admitted her deep love for him and left the other man to be with him. Without so much as a word to anyone, he turned and left the Pub.

All Marlena could do was sigh with weariness that went all the way to her soul, and look at the other two with eyes that were beginning to fill with tears. It seemed she only hurt the men she loved. She could see that truth in Roman’s still wounded countenance as she began to cry for the other man’s upset. All she did was hurt them both by not making her choice long ago. Now.. John was going to question it all over again. Marlena didn’t think she had the strength to review it with him, to reassure him yet again that it was him she loved, not Roman. “I’m sorry..” was all she said before rushing out to find John.

Not able to comprehend why hearing something he himself had said long ago would bother him so much, John went to the only place that could bring immediate peace and comfort. He had to go to his special place… Pier 29. He didn’t want to talk about it with her, and yet he knew it had to happen. Once again they were going to rehash the past. How weary he was of doing that. He wanted his own past back so he could fill in the blanks, but other than that, John Black only wanted to move forward with his life. He wanted to get married and go off on a glorious honeymoon and then come back and settle down to a normal life with the woman he loved and their two young children. ‘Was that too much to ask?’ he pondered, for a man who had suffered through the kind of pain and loss he experienced in the life he could recall? Or for the one person who had stood by him through it all, having suffered more than her fair share as well?

Marlena knew where she would find him, though she too was dreading another conversation about the past. Trying to make him understand what she was thinking and feeling at the time versus how she felt in the present suddenly seemed overwhelming. When she arrived, he was sitting down on the bench near the stairs, staring blankly out at the water. She walked over to him and sat down uninvited. Not giving him a choice, she said, “John… talk to me.”

For a long minute, he remained still and silent, not understanding his own feelings, not able to express the thoughts that swirled around in his head. Finally, he spoke, “What do you want me to say, Doc? It’s true, isn’t it?”

“John… you can’t win the game playing Monday morning quarterback. We only have the present to deal with, the past is gone.. forever. It doesn’t matter anymore. We both know that.”

He smiled at her correct usage of a sports metaphor, thinking how ironic it was she had picked this particular moment to get it right. Waving a finger toward her, he smiled awkwardly and complimented her, “Good one, Doc.. I gotta hand it to you.. you’ve been paying attention.” After a beat, he said sadly, “It hurts, Marlena.. I don’t know why, but it does.”

She reached over and began to massage his tense neck and shoulders, at the same time speaking quietly, “Oh, honey… you knew it was true.. even then. You were the one who said it, you were the one who wanted me to have a chance to make it work with Roman. John, you broke off the affair because of my commitment to him and the children. Why should it hurt you to hear Caroline say that I would have let you go and made my life with Roman if he had stayed? You realized that when you let *me* go.. didn’t you?” she asked, feeling bewildered by John’s response to what they had overheard at the Pub.

John suddenly found moisture in his eyes and it took him by surprise. He was speechless.. not able to comprehend or explain the reasons for the pain he was feeling, any more than she could. Shaking his head sadly, he said with a soft weak voice, “I don’t know… Doc.. but it does. I guess I.. must have thought that.. somehow.. some way.. someday we would find our way back to each other and hearing Caroline say that about you and Roman just now, seeing the way you looked at him… it.. shook me up. It made something… crumble inside.. something I don’t understand and can’t even begin to describe.”

Marlena wanted to grasp what he was feeling, but she couldn’t quite manage it, not right away. She knew that it was something deep inside of him, probably related to the fact that he wasn’t a whole person because he didn’t remember most of his life. As a result of that huge gap in his recollections, John wasn’t very well grounded. His self-esteem was shaky, though outwardly one would never suspect it. He always appeared to be so strong and in control.. so confident. It was evident in his purposeful, goal directed stride, in the power of his well built frame and the way he moved, and in his firm voice. However, to those who looked a little further, his eyes gave him away sometimes. Behind the facade of determined self assurance, John Black was soft and vulnerable. In some ways, he was like an abandoned house whose structure seemed intact from afar, but when examined more closely, the observer recognized that the very foundation was unsteady and it was liable to collapse at any given moment. He was uncertain of himself and his place in the world; he was insecure, tender, sensitive, afraid of being hurt, and absolutely terrified of spending his life alone. He spent a good portion of his time trying to please and protect others from pain and when he couldn’t do that, even when it was beyond his control, he felt guilty, like he had let them down. Somehow, what he heard tapped into that pocket of vulnerability and it left him feeling unsettled about their relationship and its future.

Marlena knew she had to reach inside to reassure him. She cupped his face between her hands and gazed lovingly into his slightly hidden eyes, saying very convincingly, “John… you listen to me now. We haven’t really talked about this, but I know that you have lost so much of your life.. and because of that you don’t feel grounded within yourself. On top of everything else that has happened to you, it makes you feel insecure and afraid of being hurt, but, honey.. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I won’t hurt you and I am never going to leave you. John, you need to let yourself believe in us.”

The strength of conviction in her voice and her words touched his heart in ways he couldn’t define. With a sigh of relief, he replied positively, his voice touched with grateful emotion, “I do…I do believe in us, Doc.. but you’re right about all of that. I always.. seem strong and in control, but I’m not and I never was. Your friendship and love.. give me.. so much… things I don’t have inside, and sometimes.. I think that.. I’m going to lose you.. and then I’ll be.. alone, like I was all those years ago when I first met you. I don’t ever want to go back to that place, Doc.”

Caressing his cheeks, she said, “You don’t have to, John.. you’ll never be alone like that again. You have me and the children and so many other people in your life who love you very much. You have to know that in your heart and you have to put your trust in it, John.”

“I do… Oh, I do trust you.. you’re the only one, Marlena. I knew I could trust you from almost the very first second I laid eyes on your beautiful face, and looked into those incredible eyes. And when you smiled at me…” He paused for a moment, and sighed thinking back on that time…. “Oh.. it was like.. the warmth of the sun on a cold winter’s day. I love you… I love you so much!” he cried with great passion, before taking her in his strong arms to kiss her, capturing her mouth and giving them both a deep taste of love and desire that left them breathless.

“Oh.. John…. and I love you..so very much. Honey.. there is nothing in this world that will EVER change my love for you. Don’t you know that by now?”

“Yea.. I do know that.. I’m sorry, I guess this whole thing with Kristen has messed with my head big time. I’m sorry if I upset you by running out on you like that.”

Nestling up to the warmth of his body, she said, “It’s all right, I understand, but John.. could you do me a favor?” she asked pleasantly.

Unsuspectingly, he asked, “Sure.. what’s that, Doc?”

“Shut up and kiss me again!” she said with a sexy wink and a seductive smile. He raised his eyebrows and did as requested, quite masterfully at that, and she said, “Now.. that is one thing you have *never* been uncertain about. Ooh!” she finished as a shiver of delight ran up and down her spine.

“That’s a fact!” he said with that sweet boyish grin, just before doing it again. He was all the way back with her now; the other was a momentary aberration, a reaction to a strange chain of events.

Eric Brady was starting to worry. He hadn’t heard from his father and they were supposed to be having breakfast together, but Roman Brady hadn’t shown up at the apartment, where they planned to meet and he hadn’t called either. That could only mean one thing. His mother had made her choice and it wasn’t his father. ‘Damn you, John Black! Why did you have to come here in the first place? You hurt my real father so much and you destroyed my family!’ Oh.. Dad.. I hope you’re alright,’ he was saying to himself as he approached the entrance to the Kiriakis Mansion to see his twin sister. If he had drawn the correct conclusion, their father would need them today and he wanted Sami to join with him in his attempt to cheer their father up after his hopes were dashed.

Henderson greeted the young man, “Good morning Eric.. please come in and I will notify your sister that you would like to see her.”

“Thank you, Henderson,” he said quietly. It was so strange to be traveling in circles where someone other than the person who lived in the house answered the door. It was a long way from their middle class upbringing and Eric chuckled and shook his head slightly as he watched Henderson walking away.

He slowly moved about the sitting room, admiring the expensive furnishings, the valuable works of art, and the elegant decor. Samantha Brady living in the Kiriakis Mansion; what a strange set of circumstances that was after the bad blood between Victor and his father and more recently there had been such open animosity between Kate and Sami. It still didn’t make sense to Eric why Kate would allow his twin sister to live there, even if she were Will’s mother. Sami always had some complex explanation for everything that happened with her, but he was suspicious nonetheless. He was not completely convinced that Will was the reason, but he wasn’t altogether certain whether he wanted to know the truth.

Eric Brady was torn when it came to how he felt about his twin sister. He remembered the sweet innocent girl he knew years ago and he missed her very much. Before that fateful night at the Face of the Nineties Gala at Titan Publishing when her whole world was turned upside down, Sami Brady was loving and considerate of others, and so trusting. That was the night that shattered her innocence and began the downward spiral into a self-destructive web of lies and deception that left her mostly alone and miserable. Seeing her mother betraying their father, having sex on a boardroom table of all things, was the defining moment of her life. She had never been the same since.

He could only imagine how it felt for his sister to see that. Sami idolized her father and mother, who always appeared to be the paragon of virtue. To see her mother in the throws of passion with another man… in a place like that… it made Eric sick to his stomach to think about how Sami must have felt. And, anger didn’t begin to describe what he felt toward John for what the interloper had done to all of them that night and apparently on the evening of his parents anniversary as well. Out of his selfish desire to have their mother for himself, John Black had single-handedly destroyed all their lives. Eric hated the man with a vengeance now, a man he once called Daddy. It hurt sometimes to think of it, but that was all a lie and he and Sami wished to simply obliterate the years they spent with him from their minds, as if they never happened.

Unfortunately, every time they saw him with their mother, holding her, even just leaning in close to talk to her, they were reminded of his permanent place in her heart. It was seemingly impossible to eliminate him from their lives because she loved him now and she was planning to make a new life with him and his two children, one of whom was a product of the affair. Having learned of Belle’s parentage led Sami to kidnap the child in hopes of saving her parents marriage by preventing all three of them from ever discovering the truth. Eric’s silent reverie was interrupted by the voice of the person at the center of his most recent recollection. “Eric….what are you doing here… I thought you were supposed to be with Dad this morning…”

Eric startled at the noise… forced down the darker emotions he was feeling toward John in order to answer her question calmly. Turning toward Sami, he said, “Well, to be perfectly honest, I came here to ask you to help me take John out of the picture between Mom and Dad. I want to destroy his dream the way he destroyed ours, Sami. If it weren’t for him, you would still be the sweet innocent girl I remember, instead of being hardened, and distrusting of people. I blame him for all of that, not you.”

She was taken aback by his intense animosity, “Eric, what exactly are you saying here? This kind of talk is not like you.. what are you planning to do?”

“I’m not planning anything really, I’m just sick of John taking what he wants so selfishly, not considering how others feel, not having to face the consequences of his actions. I mean look what happened to Kristen. She turned evil just to hold onto him and then killed herself when he rejected her. It’s time we paid him back for taking our loving family away from us.”

Shocked to hear her brother speak this way, she questioned him further, “Paid him back?.. Eric.. are you saying you want revenge… on John?”

“Yes…. I guess, I am,” he said surprising himself. “Yes.. that’s exactly what I’m saying, Sami. I want to destroy his dreams like he destroyed ours.”

This wasn’t like him and she felt angry about what he’d said initially, now that she understood his meaning. “Oh, I see.. and you thought the lying, scheming, manipulative Sami Brady would come up with the perfect plan, is that it?”

He winced at her tone and the wounded expression he saw on her face, “Well… yea, I was thinking you might help me in the idea department… I didn’t mean anything by it, Sami… honest,” he said, trying to apologize, but seeing she was hurt by his attitude.

Ignoring her anger and hurt feelings for the moment, she probed as to what prompted this whole new level of resentment. “Eric.. did something happen to make you feel this way? You were always the calm one, the one who tried to get me to see Mom’s side of it. And, now you’re talking about revenge on John which would hurt her as well. What’s going on?”

He had forgotten that she didn’t know about his confrontation with John or their mother’s dinner date at Chez Vous the night before. She didn’t know it was choice time and that it looked pretty bleak for their father. “Well, first of all, I had a run-in with John the other night. I got in one good shot before he got the upper hand. He wouldn’t take me on…said he didn’t want to fight with me…. He told me that Mom was telling Dad about them after dinner, and he was pretty confident that she was going to choose him over Dad. I didn’t hear anything from any of them yesterday and I was supposed to have breakfast with Dad this morning, but he never showed, so I figure Mom must have told him about her *love* for John.”

That was more than disappointing and she said sighing sadly, sinking down into the couch, “Oh, Eric.. I thought she was warming up to Dad, I thought maybe they would…” Her voice trailed off as the images from the affair flashed repeatedly in her mind. In the next instant her raging ire flared and she cursed the man responsible for her father’s pain, “Damn that John Black!… I HATE him so much! I bet he pressured her again and she finally gave in!”

“That’s what I said to her before she even went out to dinner, but she said it was her idea to tell Dad the truth and that John was being relatively patient about the whole thing. She keeps trying to get me to see his side of things, but I can’t. All I can see is that he ruined our lives by coming here in the first place and the affair was… inexcusable. I don’t care how much he says he *loves* her, all he does is hurt her and I want him out of our lives, for good! Mom will be upset at first, but it’s for the best and she’ll see that one day.”

As angry as Sami was, she didn’t like the menacing tone of his voice and vengefully angry countenance she observed. “Eric… this is not like you at all. I want John out of the way too, but you’re scaring me, Eric. What are you thinking of doing?”

“Well, I don’t have anything specific in mind, really. I was counting on you to help me with that, but whatever we do, it has to be quick. If she did choose, they’ll be planning a wedding soon. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to see Dad hurt anymore than he already has been.”

“I’ll agree with you there.. but Eric.. are you talking about using.. violence?” she asked worriedly. As much as she hated John, she wouldn’t have considered that an option. There had to be line somewhere.

Without warning he flashed on images of John as a loving father, comforting him when he was sick or hurt, making pancakes just the way he liked them, helping him with his homework, teaching him to ride a bike and play ball, so many big and small moments that were very special at the time, when John was the only parent he had. Eric quickly worked to shut down any warm feelings that wanted to be acknowledged. ‘No.. I can’t let those feelings back into my heart.. no… I hate him now.. there’s no place for those memories anymore,’ he was telling himself.

Noticing that he was lost in thought, Sami touched her brother on the arm, saying, “Eric… answer me, are you talking about doing something to.. hurt John.. physically?”

Eric sighed tiredly, “Oh.. I don’t know.. Sami, all I know is I want him out of the Brady family portrait.. once and for all.” He walked around the room, thinking about what could make that happen without resorting to violence; that was not really his intention. “What would make John leave her?”

She shook her head and laughed harshly, sharing her conclusion on that matter, “There’s nothing… Eric you haven’t been here.. he’s been right there by her side every single time the smallest thing went wrong. I swear he’s practically joined to her at the hip.. if it weren’t for the guilt they felt about the affair, they would have been married years ago.”

Still pacing, her twin kept pondering, ‘Joined at the hip, hmm..’ he was saying in his mind, “Another woman maybe? He was with Kristen and a few others..maybe if.. “

Sami gently cut off that train of thought, reluctantly acknowledging in her own mind the futility of that approach. Shaking her head again, Sami said, “Don’t even go there, Eric… Haven’t you noticed the way he looks at her? It makes me sick.. but now that everything’s out in the open.. I’m sure there will never be anyone else for him. He’s head over heels for Mom. We have to come up with something else.”

Thinking of a moment he had interrupted the other day, realizing that she was right, he sighed resignedly and nodded as he affirmed her statement “Okay, then it’s simple… we have to find a way to make Mom leave him. Now, how can we make that happen?”

Sami was becoming increasingly frustrated as his questions caused her to confront the reality of the situation. Pouring herself a glass of juice to distract herself, she said, “Eric.. we’ve been trying to get her to do that for months, so she would give Dad another chance. What makes you think that you can get her to change her mind and not marry John?”

He was quiet again, contemplating something significant she concluded. Suddenly, the realization came to him and he exclaimed excitedly, “I’ve got it… Sami, I’ve got it.. the way to destroy John’s chances with Mom, forever!”

“What.. Eric… tell me!” she demanded anxiously as he smiled somewhat wickedly, wondering why it never occurred to him to try something similar to what he was mulling over at the moment.

* * *
Back at the Pub, Roman Brady and his parents stood in silence, wondering what lay ahead. John was quite obviously disturbed to have heard Caroline tell her son that she believed he would still be married to Marlena had he stayed and worked things out when the affair was revealed. Roman was still processing what his mother said when the couple arrived. No one knew quite what to say and Roman secretly hoped that John’s reaction would cause a setback of some sort in the relationship between he and Marlena. Roman would take her back any way he could get her at this point, pride was no issue. “Well, he sure left in a hurry, didn’t he?” was all he said to his parents, forcing himself not to sound cheerful, and ensuring that the slight smile he felt inside stayed away from his lips.

They only nodded, feeling bad for everyone. Roman was hurting because Marlena had chosen the other man, John was upset because he realized that Caroline believed Marlena wouldn’t be with him if Roman had forgiven her at the time the affair was revealed, and Marlena was hurting for both men. It was all such a mess, and it only got worse as she opened her mouth to finally say something.

Caroline looked up, and standing in the doorway in all his dark glory was the man who set all that suffering in motion by taking his revenge on their family, holding Roman prisoner and sending a handsome stranger into their lives, having brainwashed him with their son’s memories. Stefano Dimera, the cause of such misery for so many people whom she loved was walking around the streets of Salem, free as a bird, seemingly not a care in the world. Caroline Brady decided that there was absolutely no way he was going to eat in her restaurant, not now and maybe not ever. Stepping up as close as she felt she could bear, she whispered to him, “You.. get out of our Pub.. you are *not* welcome here,” she said with venom in her tone.

Stefano smiled deliciously, admiring the inner strength and courage she displayed. After everything he had done to quell the seemingly indomitable spirit of the Brady family, she could speak this way to him. Knowing what he was capable of doing without ever seeming to pay the price, this woman had the courage to stand up to him proudly and defiantly. He couldn’t help but respect her for that pluckiness. It was an admirable quality indeed. “What have I done now, Caroline? Have I not been a model citizen since my return from the jungle to get the cure to save your son here? In fact, I saved his life twice. Have I not proven that I am no longer a threat to you and your family ?” he reminded challenging her, as if to say he might take her happiness away from her. Shawn and Roman bridled at those comments and Roman voiced them as both men moved into position to defend or protect Caroline, should it become necessary.

“Model citizen… Ha! Dimera.. none of us are buying your act, so why don’t you take it somewhere else!” Roman said caustically, taking a protective step between his mother and the man who had taken so much from him and the people he loved.

“I simply came to order some food to take out. I assure you I did not come here to upset you. I have my own… problems to handle,” he said sadly, suddenly feeling the pain of losing his daughter to suicide. It was much like a wave washing over him, dragging him into an endless sea of grief.

Shawn and Caroline exchanged a glance of unexpected understanding, for they recalled all too well what it felt like to lose someone they loved. And then Caroline spoke as a mother who remembered the intensity of the grief she experienced on the two occasions when she believed her son had died, saying, “Yes…we heard about Kristen. In spite of everything, I am sorry for your loss, but please… just go now. This is not a good time for us.”

Deciding not to incite further conflict, he capitulated, saying, “Alright then, I shall honor your wishes. Good day,” he finished and then turned and left them in silence again. ‘Everybody feels pain,’ the three Brady’s concluded quietly in the privacy of their minds, as they watched Stefano Dimera walk dejectedly out of the family establishment.

 

Eric and Sami Brady sat in the Kiriakis living room making plans for a swift retaliatory strike against their ersatz father, John Black, the man who had just ruined their dreams to have a united family. He deserved to suffer in their eyes for hurting their *real* father and Eric had the beginnings of a great way to bring the man to his knees… a way to break up the relationship between the interloper and their mother, once and for all. Sami was trying to understand how what her brother was telling her would have any real impact and asked him doubtfully, “So… you’re saying.. all we have to do is research John’s past, come up with something that would really upset Mom and then we’re all set.”

Crisscrossing the room while he thought and talked, Eric replied affirmatively, “Yes…. I’d be willing to bet there is at least one thing he did while he was supposedly under Stefano’s influence that could cause Mom to reject him or at least back away for awhile. Once we manage to drive a wedge between them, Dad will have another chance with her. Especially if we’re able to find something else John did that hurt Dad in some way. I just have this feeling about it, Sami. I think this is it,” her twin added with growing confidence.

Pouring herself a cup of coffee for something to do as much as anything, she replied uncertainly, “I hope you’re right, Eric… I’ve tried everything I know to say and do to convince her to give Dad a chance, but she keeps saying she doesn’t love him in the same way anymore. To be honest, I’m not sure she’ll go back to him, even if she does leave John,” she finished somewhat despairingly. “Coffee?” she offered.

Waving her off, her brother, who was fixated on the idea, said, “If we play this thing exactly right… she just might, Sami. If I’m right about the secrets of John’s past, she’ll need the love and comfort Dad can offer her. Think about if for a minute. If there is something bad enough to break her and John up for good, she’ll go running into his arms. And… he’ll be right there waiting for her. This is going to work, Sami… I know it will!” he said with a mixture of excited anticipation for his father and vindictive satisfaction at the thought of John losing the battle for his mother, after being so damn confident that Marlena loved him unfailingly and would never leave him again, for any reason.

“Well, do you want to start on the research or do you want to be the one who comforts Dad?” Sami asked, standing as if to end the conversation; she was ready to move swiftly to carry out their plans.

“Since I was supposed to have breakfast with him, I guess I’ll head on over to the Pub.. that’s probably where he is right now. I’ll call you a little later, Sami… and we can compare notes, okay?” Eric said as he also rose and began to head out into the foyer.

Walking him to the door, she agreed, “Yes… that’ll be great.. I’m going to call on some private investigators I’ve come in contact with over the years…some of whom don’t mind breaking all the rules to get the dirt on people. I think I know just the man to call, Eric.”

Curious about how she had come to know such people, but not really wanting to hear about it at the moment, he didn’t comment on it other than to say, “Great… I hope you have some luck in finding someone who will work closely with us on this thing. I can’t wait to see the pain on John’s face.. the same pain I know Dad is feeling right now. That would be worth paying for, Sami.”

His twin smiled on the image of John’s face with anguished tears in his eyes… tears just like the ones she had seen her father cry when the affair was revealed. “Yes… it would, Eric… maybe we should charge admission to the show.” Eric chuckled and nodded, then stepped out the door, ready to put their plans for revenge into action.

* * *
Along the waterfront…as Stefano Dimera walked away from the Brady Pub he was fuming from the outright rejection, and it reminded him of something very important. Within seconds, vivid images of his angry encounter with John the night before, returned to his mind’s eye; he felt the heat of hatred rising as the words Kristen had written down in her goodbye letter came to mind at the same time…….

“He doesn’t even care if I live or die now.
He as much as said so the other day. I
told him I might as well kill myself and
he said I didn’t have the nerve, no the guts
to do it and then he walked away. I loved
him father, but I guess I hurt him too much
and he just couldn’t forgive me.”

“Damn you, John Black! You rejected her so cruelly and then you turned your back on her when she needed you the most… You’re going to pay for this… very dearly. You stole my Tony from me and now… Kristen too… well you won’t get away with it this time, John… And that was not to mention his infant son. Stefano still had no idea where the child was.. John had spirited Susan away without warning, so quickly that his people couldn’t get a lead on her. ‘You think you’ve suffered at my hand before… you have only begun to see what I can do to you… to your life… to your future with your precious *Doc* and those two little ones of yours. I have such plans for you and your *family,* he said inside the malevolent chambers of his criminal mastermind, thinking of one possible direction to take the course of vengeance.

Another eventuality captured his full attention at the moment, however, because it was quite promising in the short run, the other.. something he would consider more completely when the man was already reeling from the shocking turn of events that was about to unfold. ‘If you only knew, John… how close you are to being destroyed at any given time. When I reveal the secrets of your past, at precisely the right moment… you will lose her.. forever!’

His face bore a most wicked vengeful expression as he imagined the look of complete and utter devastation on his enemy’s face when Marlena broke all ties with him. “You’ll never see it coming.. my Pawn..it will happen when you feel totally safe and secure in your relationship…when you think you are finally going to have all your dreams come true, when you think that even I am out of your lives for good. That is the moment when you will lose everything!! Ha ha ha!” he laughed harshly, as his mind took him back in time more than a decade ago, to events never quite understood and long forgotten by most people in Salem. It was going to be a sweet revenge indeed. Marlena might never return his feelings for her, but at least neither of his two rivals for her affections would have her either. That brought perverse delight to his twisted, demented soul. Both of them would have to suffer under the weight of unrequited love, as he did, and John would suffer even more than that. It was soon to become payback time for all the perceived wrongdoing his enemy had perpetrated against the Dimera family. And, John had to pay for having thwarted his grand plans to have Marlena as his Queen of the Night, something that had happened more times than Stefano could even count at this point.

Opening up his cell phone, he asked the man he knew was on the other end a question, “So.. Bart.. have you transferred all the files I asked about?”

“Yes, sir… everything is ready for you here at the mansion. The other equipment you asked about is all in place as well. We are ready to put your latest plan in motion, Stefano.”

Envisioning the moment he was arranging with slow perfection, Stefano sighed with pure satisfaction and said, “Ah… I cannot wait.. but I know I must be patient.. I must wait until precisely the proper moment.. and then I will strike swiftly with extreme ferocity and he will be laid waste upon the altar of revenge. It will be so sweet, so satisfying.. after all this time, to see him go down in front of all the people he loves.”

“Yea.. boss, he’ll never know what hit him, will he?”

“Ha ha… no he won’t and *that* is what will give me such great pleasure. John will be devastated beyond belief, as will everyone he loves and he will lose everything he holds dear.. just as he has taken the only thing that ever really meant anything to me, my children… For that heinous crime he *must* pay…for the rest of his life. When I am through with John Black he will be as miserable as a man can be, with no hope of ever having Marlena in his life again. He will stand all alone again, helplessly twisting in the wind, while he watches her walk away. That is a moment I will record in my memory and cherish forever.”

* * *
Down at the pier, Marlena and John sat on a bench, enjoying the view of the Salem River, watching the current and thinking about how the current of love always flowed between them. Sometimes it was turbulent and dangerous, sometimes it was peaceful and serene, but the love was always present in their hearts. “John… are you alright with all of this?”

He was suddenly embarrassed at his lack of security in the relationship. “Yea.. I’m really sorry, Doc.. I overreacted..” He didn’t want to bring up the reason because he knew Marlena had come to hate Kristen, so he just said… “I guess with everything that’s happened lately.. I’m still a little uncertain.”

Picking up on his unspoken message, she reached around to massage his still tense shoulders, then said softly, “Honey, it’s okay..you can talk about it. I know that Kristen’s death is affecting you… and I understand that. You don’t have to apologize for what you feel or hide those emotions.” She reached out and tenderly caressed his cheek as he so often did to her, and spoke to him with great sincerity, “I just want you to know.. that there is nothing and no one that can ever tear us apart again. I love you with my whole heart and nothing will ever change that, John. You need to believe that in *your* heart.”

He shrugged and sighed with peace and contentment that touched his soul. Taking both of her hands in his, raising them briefly to his lips for a kiss, and gazing intently into her inviting eyes, he said, “I know.. Doc..I just didn’t want to upset you by talking about her. I don’t doubt your commitment to me, I really don’t. I love you with everything I am inside… and I agree, now that we’re finally back together, nothing can stop us. We’ve beaten all the odds, we’ve overcome all the challenges this world had to offer and we are well on our way to making all our dreams come true. I can’t wait to marry you, Marlena.”

“Oh.. John.. I can’t wait either. But… today, before we can really start on that future… there’s something you need to do.” She paused to let him catch her meaning, then asked him a question for which she needed no answer; she asked it simply to guide him toward drawing the proper conclusion for himself, “You know what that is, don’t you?”

John reeled from the sudden change in atmosphere, not wanting to deal with the reality of what had happened the night before or what she was indicating he needed to do, saying, “No… I don’t need to, Doc… I can.. say goodbye to her without that… I.. I don’t want to.. dwell on it any more.” His eyes were hidden, he was fidgeting, and she knew he was nervous about it, fearful of what he would feel to confront the stark reality of Kristen’s death. Next, he tried to distract her by putting a hand behind her neck and bringing her close, so that his lips met hers and lingered long. “I want to concentrate on our future. I want to start planning our wedding, Marlena.”

She put her fingertips over his mouth and shook her head firmly… “No.. honey, you need to go see Kristen’s body at the morgue and you know it as well as I do. You need to do that so you can face it and accept the finality of her death. She killed herself and you have some pretty powerful feelings about that. They won’t go away because you push them down where they can’t be seen on the outside, John.”

He stood up immediately, wishing he could.. run. John wanted nothing more than to argue, to come up with some acceptable explanation about how he had already come to terms with what happened to the woman he once loved, but he couldn’t do it. Marlena always seemed to find a way to go beyond his seemingly impenetrable strong facade and touch the man he was inside that heroic exterior that everyone else saw. She made him face himself in all his flawed humanity; she made him confront the sense of childlike vulnerability and insecurity that sometimes took control of his heart as a result of his shaky foundations. He knew that he did the same for her and that it was what made their relationship so very special. When they were together, John and Marlena were free to be who they really were deep within their souls, they could feel what they truly felt.. on the inside, and still be safe and warm in the comfort of each other’s arms. The trust between them was implicit.

After a long silence, he finally responded verbally, wishing he could fully express what it meant that she knew him so very well and understood him even better than he did himself, “Marlena… I don’t know how you manage to keep doing that, but you’re right… I do need to see her.. You don’t have to go with me though. I’ll go over there and then meet you someplace.. how’s that?” he asked, smiling weakly, trying to shield her from the unpleasantness of the task he was about to carry out.

She smiled at his need to care for her, to protect her at any cost. As painful as she knew it would be for him to view the body, he was trying to make it easier for her. Squeezing his hand, she said, “Oh.. honey.. I love you for wanting to protect me, but it’s not necessary. I can handle it.. let’s call Abe and then we can go over there together… okay?”

The expression of adoration on his face melted her heart, and his words touched her in ways she couldn’t describe. “I love you… more than I can ever say.. Your love… amazes me, Marlena… I am so blessed to have you.. I promise I won’t forget that ever again, not for one second,” he vowed seriously.

“Ditto… my love.” John suddenly kissed her with intense passion and they embraced again before leaving their favorite thinking spot. Then they smiled as they walked toward the stairs, and in their hearts they knew that all would soon be right with the world. They would close yet another painful chapter in the incredibly intricate story of their lives and move on to the one where happy endings were more than just something one found in the fairytales of yesteryear. John Black and Marlena Evans were finally going to have their ‘happily ever after.’

* * *
A few miles away, Sami was talking on the telephone with one of the unscrupulous characters she had mentioned, “I told you… I don’t care how far you have to go, just find me something I can use!” she demanded impatiently.

Stefano Dimera was on the road, riding in his limousine, listening with the portable device to the bug that was planted in the Kiriakis mansion, intent on learning something useful. He wanted to see Kate, but he was most interested in obtaining some previously unknown information he might find useful in some way. What he overheard was music to his ears. Sami Brady was plotting again, but against whom? In the next minute he knew he had found himself his newest, most unexpected ally.

“I said…dig deep and find me something that will make my mother cringe and pull away from him every time he tries to touch her. I don’t care if you have to go to the devil himself, Stefano Dimera, to get it, just do it! Do it NOW!” she said raising her voice nearly to a shout. Sami had grown accustomed to making things happen fast when she wanted something and in this situation it was absolutely imperative to work quickly. Her mother and the man who had turned their lives upside down were probably planning a glorious Spring wedding, even as she spoke with the so-called private detective. It made her positively ill to think of it. “Never… John.. you will never be married to my mother! I swear it.. if it’s the last thing I ever do… it won’t happen!” she whispered fiercely into the suddenly oppressive air around her, after concluding the rather intense conversation. As she finished her sentence, she sensed a malevolent presence, and turned at the sound of a throat clearing.

Quietly, his eyes assessed her intentions and her attitude toward him, then ventured a tentative proposal, “Well, Samantha Brady… it seems we are at common purposes.. perhaps we can strike a deal.” A diabolical smile crept across his dark features and Sami knew in that instant; she was preparing to sell her soul to the devil she had so casually mentioned just a moment ago. It was a strangely liberating experience.

As the dark haired, dark spirited older man stepped into the room, all Sami could think of to say in response to his suggestion that they join forces was something to avoid the subject. “What are you doing here?” she demanded, hoping to distract him, but seeing in his eyes that was not possible. Stefano had an agenda and nothing would make him deviate from it, once a general outline was established. Now, he wanted Sami’s cooperation, or he would make her life miserable; she knew that this was a command, not really a request. Stefano had something on her he could use if she didn’t go along with him, of that much she was absolutely certain. She watched him as he went to pour himself a drink quite casually, as if he owned the place, and she was thinking about the fact that the man never went into anything unprepared for at least a few minor setbacks. That was part of his genius; he could foresee the future, anticipating some of those small obstacles and establishing a contingency plan to address them.

Using his hands to speak, he answered her, a moment after he had downed some of the liquor, “I am here, now… in this room to speak with you. It seems we have at least one common goal, such as.. breaking up the *love* affair between John Black and your mother. I, of course, have a well developed plan.. and I believe you are trying to devise a similar strategy. Am I correct in these assumptions, Samantha?”

Sami tried again to avoid the inevitable, denying the truth of his assertion, “I don’t know what you’re talking about Stefano.. if my mother is happy with John… then so be it. I don’t like it, I’ve made no secret of that, but there is nothing I can do about it. She has apparently made up her mind and has already told my father… it’s too late to help him now,” Sami finished with genuine sadness, hoping that would be enough to convince the monster. Even if she did want to break the couple up, she didn’t want to work with Stefano to do it. That was more than scary.. one never knew when he might turn on her and he could try to kidnap Marlena.. No matter how angry she became with her mother for choosing a man she had come to loathe, Sami would never have any part in something like that.

“Nice try… but you’re not fooling me, Sami. I heard you speaking with that private detective.. you are trying to dig up some dirt on John to use against him.. to find something to discredit him in Marlena’s eyes so that she’ll leave him of her own accord. Isn’t that right, Sami?” he asked, as his eyes bore a hole right through her. “I wonder how Marlena would feel if she knew you were up to your old tricks.”

So that was it.. He would expose what she had been doing, all the behind the scenes manipulating she had been doing. She tried to backpeddle but knew she was done before she’d even started to deny it, “No.. I..”

“Sami… come now.. it’s time for honesty, is it not? You hate John Black as much as I do.. admit it.”

Finally, she let her anger and resentment out, “Allright, it’s true… I hate him.. because he confuses her and he ruined our family.. He doesn’t really love her… look how many women he’s been with.. he only wants her when he can’t have her and then he dumps her. He’ll leave her again..and my father is the one who keeps suffering because of it. He’s the one who has always loved her, not John. John only uses her.”

The air was thick with her fierce anger, “Ooh.. you are quite the bitter one, Sami, you need to temper that.. or you won’t be able to take your revenge. You must be calm and methodical, very cold in your approach. You must admit it, John does love her.. in his way; whether you despise him or not..you must see that by what he has sacrificed for her.. what he has risked. I can admit that, and it doesn’t threaten me. I will proceed to destroy him in her eyes and then she will leave *him*, once and for all.”

“Alright.. I suppose in some way he does love her, but it doesn’t mean they should be together. Stefano.. you know why I hate him.. why do you hate him? What did he ever really do to you.. to make you despise him so much?”

“He has ruined my plans, Samantha… over and over he has ruined my plans..”

“You mean he fell in love with my mother.. that wasn’t what you really intended was it? You wanted him to still be under your control when my real father returned, but he wasn’t, was he? My mother’s love changed things and he didn’t do exactly what you wanted any more, is that it? Did your great experiment in mind control fail Stefano? Is that why you hate him so much, because he beat you?”

How could this little witch of a girl have him pegged so closely? Stefano became enraged, “No… no, NO! That’s not it! John just keeps interferring with my plans for Marlena… and I want him out of the picture for good, but now I have to do it in such a way that no one will realize it was initiated by me or connect it to me in any way whatsoever. I have to cause his downfall without resorting to violence or obvious acts of any kind. It has to be subtle and insidious, or my reputation as a good citizen will be laid waste. I simply can’t have that.”

Walking around the room, admiring the artifacts, as he always did, he said, “Sami… I have lots of information from his past that could be strategically revealed as he researches his life… and each layer he uncovers will take him one step closer toward losing Marlena forever. He’ll never know what hit him, Samantha. If this is handled properly, your mother will break all ties with him and he’ll never see it coming. By the time we’re through with him, John will be a broken man; he’ll have lost her forever and he’ll be alone and devastated. What do you say.. will you work with me?” he asked, looking every bit the devil in a very thin disguise.

It was so tempting… taking John down was what she wanted most in her life at the moment, other than a man.. but working with Stefano.. If her father found out what she was doing… the whole thing could backfire… “If I agree, we have to establish some ground rules…. No violence, like you said before, and if I get the idea you’re planning to kidnap my mother… I’m exposing you… No matter how angry I might be with her choice in.. men, I won’t have any part in that.. None!! Is that clear?”

Dimera liked her style.. she wasn’t really afraid of him, though she certainly should be… but his interest was not in the offspring of his enemies… This was going to be delightful undertaking… if he played it right, the entire Brady clan would be laid waste… ‘Ah, revenge is a sweet dish indeed,’ he was thinking as he prepared to respond. Chuckling at her intensity, he said very deliberately, “Perfectly.. Sami.. I won’t do anything to jeopardize my new image.. I don’t want her that way, not any longer; you must know that by now. I only want to be with your mother if she comes to me of her own free will. I swear it on my life, there will be no more kidnapping Marlena… I am through with that manner of handling my affairs.. no more running off in the night for me.”

Allright then.. I’m in,” she said, extending her hand for him to shake, which he did. “What do you need from me?”

Just then, Eric who returned from a quick visit with his father, entered the room asking incredulously, “What in the hell is going on here? Sami.. you’re going to work with this.. monster.. the man who ruined our family to begin with by sending John here?” Eric was absolutely shocked at what he was seeing.

She smiled triumphantly, saying, “No, Eric.. you’re looking at the man who is going to get rid of John Black, once and for all, without violence.”

Her brother was shaking his head, completely flabbergasted. Glaring at the apparent new partners in crime, he said angrily, “I can’t believe this… Sami.. how can you agree to work with him? He’s kidnapped Mom more times than I can even count, and he stole years from Dad’s life… from our family! I don’t see how this could come to anything but disaster for us. No.. I won’t do it, Sami.. I’m out of here, you are on your own.” He turned away angrily and was almost to the door of the sitting room, when she called after him. “I’m going to Dad with this!”

“No.. wait, Eric! Listen to me… you said you wanted to get John out of Mom’s life by finding something from his past that would discredit him in Mom’s eyes. Well, you’re looking at the man who knows all of it, everything about John’s life before he came to Salem.. He has a plan to slowly leak it out for John to find.. and he assures me there is a lot that will hurt his chances with Mom…In fact, Stefano says it will destroy him and cause Mom to leave him forever. He’ll lose her and never see it coming.”

Intrigued, Eric stayed and listened to Stefano’s plans, preliminary as they were. He hated to admit it, but it sounded like the perfect way to eliminate John from the scenario, once and for all. After contemplating his decision for a moment, the young man offerred his hand to Sami and Stefano. The three of them shook on it and that was it. They had formed an unlikely alliance, making a pact to take down John Black, who at this moment was totally unaware of their plans. All Sami and Eric had to do was simply report back to Stefano about what was happening in the couple’s relationship. That way he could monitor the results of his efforts.

* * *
They were standing out in front of the Salem Police Department that housed the morgue and John was looking uncertainly toward the door as he asked his fiance, “So… Marlena… you really think this is important?”

Nodding her head, she spoke firmly, “Yes… I do, John. You need to do this so that you can close that chapter and move on… with me.”

“Oh.. I like the moving on part, very much…” he replied happily, as he kissed her one last time before entering the police station to do the dreaded deed. As soon as he stepped inside, he knew Marlena was right about it. He needed to see her, to make it seem real. John had to face Kristen’s death and what it meant for him and then he would be completely free of her and could embrace his love for Marlena without reservation.

Silently they walked toward the door to the area where dead bodies were essentially warehoused for autopsy. Kristen died under mysterious circumstances and therefore an autopsy was warranted. John needed to see her before the procedure. Abe greeted them at the door, as did the medical examiner, who had performed a cursory exam. No words were exchanged, as John stepped uneasily inside the room and approached the cold metal slab where she lay covered with a sheet. The others followed at a discreet distance and stayed near the door to wait for him. It was quite eerie…

As he slowly pulled back the covering, John felt his breath catch in his throat, and found tears filling his eyes, tears of profound regret. While looking down at her lifeless body, he began to speak to her, his voice little more than a whisper, “Oh.. Kristen… how did it come to this? I didn’t want you to kill yourself… I wanted you to… change. You were so.. good once and I… loved you.. I did. I’m sorry that I was… so harsh with you lately, that I didn’t hear your cry for help. I hope you’ve found some kind of peace… He prayed that was the case, beseeching his Lord to have mercy, “Oh, dear God.. don’t let her go to.. hell because of what I did… I should have been honest with her, I know that I am partially responsible for what happened to her and I’m asking you.. don’t make her go there. Please, Father.. find a way to let her into heaven.”

As the moisture made its way out of his teary eyes and created a light trail down his slightly flushed cheeks, he felt a slender pair of arms wrapping themselves around him and he sighed with the sensation of being loved and accepted. “I’m sorry, John,” was all she said and it was all he needed to hear. She didn’t hold him responsible. Maybe she was right, maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but no….

“Doc.. I know that.. you and Kristen.. well, that you.. hated her and I just want you to know… I appreciate that you wanted to be here with me. I.. cared for her very much at one time. She did a lot of good before she changed. She was there when you were possessed, she stayed with you through everything and.. she really helped those kids at the community center.. and..” All of a sudden, he was overwhelmed with the sensation of guilt. Turning toward his love, he spoke of it, “Oh, Doc.. I can’t shake this feeling that it’s my fault.. because I…lied about my feelings for you.. If I had been honest with both of you.. maybe… maybe she wouldn’t have.. had to go through all that. Maybe she’d still be the.. compassionate social worker she was when I… first met her..” John nearly broke down, as the sad remorse took hold once more, for the loss of what she might have been. The idea of having contributed to her downfall and consequently to this tragic death by Kristen’s own hand was devastating to him. It was a wrong he couldn’t make right, a price to be paid for his mistakes.

Still holding him close, Marlena tried again to make him see how wrong he was to place so much responsibility on his own shoulders, “Oh.. honey.. no.. you can’t blame yourself for all of that.” Slowly, she turned him to her so that their eyes met, tipping his chin up as she spoke to him, “John.. she made the wrong choices. She chose to turn to evil to hold onto you. That is not your fault!”

Before he could respond, someone else stepped into the room, and then that booming angry voice filled the air, “Yes…. he *can* blame himself because Kristen’s death *is* his fault. He rejected her when she was crying out desperately for help; he told her she didn’t have the guts to kill herself, as if her life meant nothing at all. John drove her to it, Marlena. He was cruel and vindictive when she was all alone and suffering so terribly. That is the truth about the man you think you love. I wonder what other secrets he’s been keeping, don’t you?” he finished cryptically.

She scowled at him, thinking of how cruel he was being. John was obviously feeling bad enough, berating himself about what had happened and all Stefano was doing was making it worse, trying to heap even more guilt upon him about Kristen’s death, as well as create concern for what Stefano was referring to from his past. The man was baiting him again, planning something to hurt him no doubt, and also quite clearly hoping to undermine his relationship with Marlena. Realizing from John’s stunned expression of numb grief that he wasn’t going to say anything, she placed her hands on her fiance’s shoulders as a sign of support and spoke for him, “Stefano… please, this isn’t the time nor the place. Can’t you see he feels bad enough already? Kristen took her own life.. as hard as that is for you to accept, you can’t blame John for it. She made her choices and she paid the price.”

Stefano looked down at the lifeless body of his adopted daughter whom he loved dearly, in spite of the recent tension in the relationship. “Ah.. she paid the price… yes, for *his* sins!” he said pointing a finger at John, who remained strangely silent through yet another tirade. “Believe me, John.. one day you *will* pay the price for your sins. When you least expect it, you will lose everything you hold dear… just as you have taken my precious Tony and Kristen from me.. because of your selfishness. You will know that pain… one day, John… you will know the agony I have suffered and you will rue the day you were born!” he yelled visciously.

John finally seemed to come back from wherever his mind had taken him, and made a move toward Stefano, ready to square off in response to the man’s menacing words. “Are you threatening my children, Dimera… because if you are… and one little thing happens to them, I’ll take you out so fast you’ll never see it coming! I will wipe you off the planet like yesterday’s news.. you got that, you Bastard!” he finished, his right hand balled into a tight fist in front of his body.

Stefano shuddered exaggeratedly, and scoffed at him, “Ooh… you see Marlena.. what he is really like…” Then, he turned to his enemy and said quite calmly, “No, John… I was not threatening your little ones, I was merely pointing out that what goes around comes around. You will find that there will be consequences for your heartless, selfish pursuits in taking Kristen from Tony and in rejecting her the way you did. You will pay a price, John… a very dear price, but your tragic downfall will be of your own doing. Good day, Marlena.. be very careful.. you might be hit by flying debris when his world comes crashing down around him.”

Those comments left John and Marlena standing there in the morgue, just looking at each other…speechless, wondering what on earth he was talking about, which was exactly what the man had intended. Stefano knew that their curiosity was peaked, and now all that was left was to ensure there would be a trail of clues to follow that would soon take John down the path of total destruction.

Stefano waited until he was out of earshot and spoke out loud to himself, feeling very satisfied with the results of his latest encounter with his enemy, “Ha ha ha! You are so easily led, my Pawn.. Just like the horse who would follow a trail of sugar cubes over the cliff, I will set you up to find the clues to your past and then you will fall into an abyss of your own making. You will search for the secrets and discover what I want you to learn…and what you find will make you wish you had never started looking into your past in the first place. You will suffer the worst pain of your life, losing everyone and everything that means anything to you and then.. you will die! Ah.. my revenge upon you will be so sweet, my *Pawn*.. so very sweet.”

John was still standing there, staring down at the cold, lifeless body of a woman he once cared for, trying to make sense of it all. He was thinking about what his enemy had just said to him…. Maybe it was true… John started asking himself the questions Stefano wanted him to ask……Was he really that selfish… that he never saw what he was doing to hurt people? He had wanted to be with Marlena…. so he pushed her to choose between himself and Roman all those years ago… taking advantage of her feelings for him to continue the affair because he *wanted* her so desperately, the end result being that he essentially destroyed her entire life in the process of pursuing her. Then he left her alone and vulnerable to Stefano’s scheming and the Devil’s evil.. while he moved on and went chasing after someone else. In addition, Sami, Eric, and Carrie were never the same afterward, their hearts and lives torn apart by the pain the affair caused their parents, all because of his lack of self control.

Next, he wanted to be with Kristen… so he pushed her to leave Tony… and that action eventually led Tony down a path of self-destruction that resulted in his suicide and almost ended with John’s execution via the gas chamber, not to mention Marlena risking her life to save his…again! Was it always about what John Black wanted with blatant disregard for the effect his behavior had on others? Was he like the tornado that came without warning and blew apart people’s homes and ruined their lives, leaving behind only death and destruction? As he looked down at Kristen’s still form once again, noting how strange it was that the essence of life was gone forever, as was the love he once felt for her, he said in his mind, ‘Maybe he’s right… maybe I am to blame for all of that pain, and for what Marlena has suffered… maybe I should.. let her go…before I hurt her again…”

Marlena was watching him, wondering what was going on inside his head, what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Seeing the anguished self doubt in his expression, she took a step closer and asked, “Honey…are you alright?”

He lied about it, wishing to lose himself in her love, wanting to forget there was ever anyone or anything that had come between them. That was the trouble with his crazy head… the things he wanted to remember, he couldn’t recall…and the things he wished to forget wouldn’t leave him alone… like the feeling of overwhelming guilt that seemed to plague his existence. He began to answer, somewhat absently, gradually becoming more alert, “Uh… yea.. I’m fine… just thinking that it was about time we left here… I want to… say goodbye and then… I want to go home… I just.. want to go home and be with you and the kids and try to forget all about this… for a little while.. How’s that sound?”

A part of her took notice of the anxiety underneath the words he uttered, but the other part simply wanted to enjoy spending time with him and the children. “It sounds wonderful. I’ll just give you a minute alone and then we’ll go.” She kissed him lightly on the cheek and stepped away as he nodded in response to her last comment.

John closed his eyes and the memories began to flood his mind again… He recalled what it was like when he first met Kristen… saving her from some thugs… playing ball with the kids from the Community Center… spending time at the Horton Cabin…. making love… She was different then… ‘Oh.. Kristen.. I did.. love you.. once… but you changed; you became someone I didn’t even recognize anymore.’ The other recollections were right there… they were fresher… more distinct in his mind… The day she was exposed in front of all their friends… all the lies and deception revealed, the bitter betrayal and loss he felt when he learned the baby was never his to love… ‘What a fool I was!’ he remembered saying that day and for several weeks afterward.

‘Why? Why Kristen?” he was asking… and the answers came in a voice he knew so well and despised so intensely. “Because of YOU! You lied about your feelings for Marlena… You caused her such pain, John… and then you left her and treated her like the dirt on the floor. You drove her to it… You killed her!” shouted Stefano’s angry voice repeatedly… Those words and the bitter rage of a father’s loss echoed inside the chambers of his mind, “You’re going to pay for what you’ve done, John!”

Looking down at the still form of his former lover, one last time, John said softly, “I’m sorry, Kristen… I’m sorry for how it all turned out… I never hated you… I was just so angry, and I felt so betrayed by you… I’m sorry for what I did to you.. for lying that way… for not fully recognizing the depth of my love for Marlena, and for not having the nerve to tell both of you how I really felt. It was a terrible mistake and I deeply regret it.. I hope you know that.. wherever you are…. goodbye,” he finished very quietly as he turned to step out of the dark morgue and into the lighted hallway where his true love was patiently waiting for him. Though he knew Marlena loved him and had forgiven him, his heart was heavy laden with remorse. Some guilt was real.

* * *
Back at the Mansion, Bart and Stefano were having a conversation about John and Marlena. “Well, how did it go with John today?”

“Perfectly… he’s so full of guilt… he is ripe for the picking… This is the perfect time to make my next move,” he answered while toying with a chess piece, a wicked grin of anticipation crossing his face.

Bart marveled at his employer’s ability to compartmentalize the various aspects of his personhood and his life, “I have to say, boss… you are still the master of timing.”

His face changed, becoming dark with grief, “No.. Bart.. I am not.. Kristen is dead… I didn’t see how distraught she was, how desperate she was to win John back… I should have been more.. sympathetic.. I should have helped her more than I did, instead of berating her for her mistakes.. It is partially my fault that she took her own life.”

Confused by the sudden change in demeanor, his hireling had to ask, “But…. I thought you were blaming John Black for her death… You said…”

Unexpectedly, he became angry, cutting Bart off in mid-sentence, “I know what I said… and that still stands. He *is* responsible… if it weren’t for his so-called *love* for her, she never would have been in that position in the first place. Tony would be alive and they would still be happily married. Perhaps, I would even have been a grandfather to their children,” he mused, becoming lost in a fantasy of holding a tiny dark haired child in his arms… “John Black stole all of that from me, and for that he must pay!” It was almost frightening for Bart to see the man’s bitter anger toward John, and he vowed never to be on the receiving end of it, for any reason.

To Stefano he said, encouragingly, “Now.. that sounds more like you, boss. So… what have you got planned this time?” Bart asked, fishing for some small part of the always elaborate designs for revenge upon his arch enemy. Bart found it all so fascinating; the only thing he knew for certain was that he never wanted to end up on Stefano Dimera’s hit list and he would do *anything* he had to do to avoid that fate.

With a knowing smile, Stefano said teasingly, “Oh… you do like to know what I’m up to, don’t you? I can only say that when he is finished digging up his long buried past… he is going to be very sorry he ever went in search of his missing memories… ha ha!”

“What do you want him to learn, Stefano.. does any of it have to do with the time in Europe?” he asked innocently.

“Oh.. Bart.. when will you ever learn? I will never tell you all of my plans.. that would be foolish of me.. Suffice it to say that when John learns about some of the things he has done… he will question himself… and I intend to be right there, fueling his doubts.. hinting at the truth.. making him wonder how long he was my pawn, what kind of person he’s been all his life.. wondering if some associations from his past could hurt Marlena..” What he didn’t say out loud was, ‘If I can get him distracted by certain aspects of it… he’ll never learn all of it and then, Marlena will be mine again. If he ever does regain it all, it will be much too late… “Oh, how I look forward to seeing the pain on his face when he finally realizes he’s lost her forever and it was all of his own doing.”

“You really enjoy seeing him suffer, don’t you boss?” Bart asked again, still trying to understand the man’s motives after all these years.

He chuckled at his underling’s directness, saying truthfully, “Yes… I do, Bart.. he’s been a thorn in my side for far too long now.. I’d like to be rid of him, but I cannot do anything to arouse suspicions, not if I want to have Lexie in my life.. No, it has to be much more subtle now.” His thoughts turned inward for a time, as he considered various possible scenarios by which John might regain fragments of memory, just enough to throw him off guard. To do that, he needed to review his extensive files and target certain triggers. It had to be precise, or he could cause the wrong memories to be stimulated by the increased brain activity.

It hardly registered that his subordinate was talking to him. “Well, you do subtle very well too, when you have to boss,” said Bart, still looking to earn brownie points. More than anything, he wanted to be on the inside, to know the master plan.

Stefano only laughed at that last comment. Bart was so transparent. There was no way he was going to let his secrets out to a man like that. “That will be all, Bart… I’ll see you tomorrow, thank you.”

His steadfast and loyal employee sighed in frustration, but realized that the discussion was over for the time being. Stefano was not going to reveal any more than *he* wanted to at any given moment. Bart had to acknowledge that he would most likely never know the whole story, at least not until just before John did.

* * *
Marlena ushered John out of the morgue and they went with Abe to his office for a moment or two, engaging in a little idle chit chat, before John glanced at the notes Abe had taken from the coroner’s report. It was a suicide, plain and simple. She had taken half a bottle of tranquilizers and drank a substantial amount of alcohol as well, and the letter to Stefano was logged in as evidence. Marlena and Abe were talking and both seemed to notice at about the same time that John was becoming awfully quiet again. “Hey.. buddy.. why don’t you quit staring at that letter and go out for a drink with Marlena and I?”

His angry reaction was instantaneous, “A drink… you think that going out for a drink is going to make me forget that I’m responsible for her suicide… She drank and drugged herself to death because of me, Abe… because I dared her.. because I turned my back on her when she had nobody else… I killed her!” His voice softened and he muttered his next comments, “Everything Stefano said is true… I… killed her….” Suddenly, the guilty frustration disappeared and John was completely drained of energy… almost falling back into the chair next to Abe’s desk, his friends reaching out a hand to steady him. He leaned forward, holding his head in his hands, his elbows resting just above his knees.

“Hey… you’re being way too hard on yourself, here buddy… She killed herself; she made the choice, not you, John. She was the one who lied and manipulated and if that left her alone and miserable, it was her own fault, not yours.”

Marlena was rubbing John’s back and nodding as their friend spoke. For John’s benefit, she expressed her agreement, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him all along, Abe.. but he won’t listen to me.”

John had discussed it long enough and he felt out of control and read to blow, somehow like a volcano that was getting ready to erupt. Standing up abruptly, he said hastily as he headed toward the door of his friend’s office, “You know what… I gotta get out of here…. I.. uh.. I just need to get some air… I’ll meet you back at the Penthouse, Marlena… “

“No… John, wait, please… honey…” she called after him, but he only shook his head, signaling her that he needed to be alone with his thoughts. Marlena sighed worriedly and turned back toward her friend. “Oh.. Abe, I thought he was beginning to move past it last night.. but now… he’s right back to blaming himself. And what Stefano said… that just made it worse…”

Abe could literally feel her concern for his best friend. “You’re really worried about him, aren’t you?” he asked, knowing the answer.

Again she blew out a long sigh as she nodded and tried to put her feelings to words, “Yes… I am. Abe… it feels like.. Oh, I don’t even know how to describe it.. but it seems like… he’s withdrawing, like he’s beginning to pull away from me….”

“Marlena… it didn’t seem like that to me at all. Honestly, I think he just needs some time alone.. to sort through what’s happened. He’ll come around… he’ll get past it and then everything will be just fine, you’ll see,” he said hoping he was correct in his assessment of John’s state of mind.

Picturing the expression of sadness and remorse on her fiancee’s face, Marlena said, “I sure hope you’re right, Abe. I’m so afraid I’m going to lose him because of this.”

Shaking his head in disbelief, her friend said, “Marlena… you’re not going to lose him. If there’s one thing I’m sure of it’s how much John loves you and how much he needs you. As much as you need him… he needs you more… and believe me he knows it. I’d be willing to bet he’s thinking of you five minutes after he leaves here… Just give him some breathing room and he’ll turn to you for support and guidance.”

Somehow he always knew just what to say when she was concerned about her love… “And, what would we ever do without you, Abe Carver?” she asked, as he moved closer to give her a hug of support and encouragement.

He smiled warmly as he replied, glad to be of some help in times like these, “Oh…I have a hunch you would find a way to work things out… I’m just pleased I can be there for you when you need a friend.”

“Well, you certainly are that, to both of us… You can’t know how much we appreciate your friendship, Abe… You’ve always been there whenever we’ve needed you. Thank you.. partner,” she said with a light smile.

His eyes brightened at the kind words, and he gave a soft response, “You’re welcome, Marlena… you can always count on me, day or night. I hope you know that.”

It touched her heart to realize how wonderful her friends and family had been to her, and she said, “Thank you.. I do know that.. “

“Good.. now that we have that settled… let me walk you to your car.” She nodded in acknowledgement and allowed him to place his arm around her shoulders as they stepped out of his office and into the hallway. She had always wondered about that phrase, “two steps forward, three steps back.” Now, she realized exactly what it meant. It was the perfect description of the love relationship between she and John for the past couple of years. Every time they were making progress, every time they seemed to be heading toward a more permanent commitment, something happened to cause a setback for them. This time was no different and it left her wondering if their dreams were ever going to come true. After breathing out a long sigh, she said internally, ‘Oh.. John, don’t let this come between us… don’t let what Kristen did with her life make you doubt yourself so much that you pull away from me… she’s not worth it…honey. That’s what she would have wanted.. for you to let me go, and if you do… you’re letting her win even in death… Don’t let her win, John… don’t let her keep us apart… We belong together and we both know it.’ She hoped he wouldn’t lose sight of all their hopes and dreams for the future because of his regrets about the past, but she was beginning to realize that she couldn’t resolve those issues for him; she couldn’t convince him to let it go. Marlena had impressed upon him that she held no blame toward him for what she suffered and she could love and support him, but he had to work through the self-doubt on his own.

However, if she could find a way to keep Stefano from harassing John, badgering him about being responsible for Kristen’s death, that would help because she realized after thinking about it for awhile…it was that man’s harsh remarks which sparked another round of guilt. The selfish manipulative man infuriated her to no end; she decided she would take it upon herself to talk to him. Stefano did seem to want her forgiveness and her acceptance. Maybe if she went to him…..

Stefano took a sip of cognac and sighed with delight, a perverse smile of anticipation on his face while listening to some of his favorite classical music. It was a piece designed to elicit a specific reaction from John Black. Tonight, he would perform a simple test to determine whether the triggers were still in place in the man’s mind. “Ah, John… you truly have no idea whom you’re dealing with, how very far reaching the effects of my mind control can be. But you will… soon, very soon, *my Pawn* ha ha ha!” he added, making a toast to the air, his maniacal laughter floating out toward the foyer. His evil reverie was interrupted by the totally unexpected sound of the doorbell. ‘Who could it be this late at night? And, where was Bart and the rest of the staff when he needed them, anyway?’ he was asking as the chime echoed in the foyer, unanswered.

Opening the door himself, he was absolutely flabbergasted to see Marlena on his doorstep, unescorted. John couldn’t know she was there. That meant she was there to plead her fiance’s case… how much better could the set up be for the second phase of the puppetmaster’s latest plan? After a sigh of satisfaction, Stefano greeted her pleasantly, “Well, hello Marlena… to what do I owe this honor?” he asked, gesturing for her to step inside.

Nodding fractionally, she said, “Hello, Stefano… you can forget about pouring on the charm. I came here to talk seriously with you, about John… and Kristen.”

Enjoying her direct nature, he nodded and said, “Oh… well then, let us dispense with small talk. May I offer you a drink?” he asked, while refreshing his own.

Smiling at his attempts to endear himself, she declined flatly, sitting down to wait for him, “No thank you. I want to make a request of you, Stefano.”

“Marlena Evans… you surprise me, what could you want from me? You have made your feelings toward me quite clear,” he said, crossing the distance to sit in the dark leather arm chair near the couch.

“Yes, I have… and that hasn’t changed. In fact, I think I have come to… Oh, never mind… I want you to stop… berating John about Kristen’s death. You know, and I know that it wasn’t his fault and I want you to stop fueling his guilt. If you ever hope to gain any semblance of respect from me, you’ll do as I ask.”

Marlena was a very proud woman; if she felt the need to make such a request on John’s behalf, she must be quite concerned about the man’s emotional state. It was all falling into place… what an opportune time to make his move, taking full advantage of his enemy’s vulnerability. With a feeling of excitement, he shared a conclusion, “Well, well, well… does the ever ethical Doctor Evans make bargains with the devil incarnate? If I leave John alone about Kristen’s suicide, you’ll suddenly gain new respect for me?”

She smiled in spite of herself. The man was undaunted where she was concerned; she had to give him that. Shaking her head, she finally replied, “No… I think you know it’s not that simple, Stefano… but it will be a step in the right direction. It goes against your natural tendency to cause him pain at every opportunity. It would demonstrate some manner of sincerity in what you say, and lend credibility to your claims about having changed.”

“Enough to have dinner with me? In public, of course,” he said, still angling to spend time with her, any way he could.

She fought the smile off that time, still amazed by his determination in the face of such open rejection, “Of course… Stefano… you don’t ever give up, do you?”

Believing he was slowly wearing her down, Stefano’s smile was wide. What a joy it would be to see the distressed look on John’s face when he saw them together, another situation that would be used quite strategically in his plans to keep the couple apart. “No.. I do not… you must know that much by now, my dear Marlena. I know that I can never gain your trust or your… respect by coercion or force. I am simply trying another approach.”

“Allright… I will have dinner with you, in public… but only after I have witnessed you treating John differently.” Deciding in that instant to take it one step further, she said, “In fact, I would like you to… apologize to him for what you said earlier this evening at the morgue. That would be a good start,” she said, staring him down.

An apology… she wanted him to apologize… that was going too far. “No…no, I will not!” he bellowed.

She rose instantly, saying, “Well, I can see that I was right to be suspect about your sincerity regarding the other matters, Stefano. Good night,” she said firmly, turning on a dime and heading swiftly toward the door.

The dark haired mastermind liked the fact that Marlena didn’t mince words or play games of any kind. Realizing that he would have to work very hard to gain her trust, and give on some issues, he reconsidered his position, saying, “No.. wait, I’m sorry… it’s just that.. Kristen’s death was such a shock and it is… difficult not to hold John partly to blame for what happened to her. You must admit… if he had been honest with both of you… she might be alive tonight… That is a painful reality I must learn to live with over time. I am sorry for my harsh reaction to your suggestion.”

She softened slightly when she saw the genuine expression of grief. Whatever one might say about Stefano Dimera having a black heart, he did seem to experience some manner of love and affection for his children. Kristen was no different. “I’m sorry she killed herself, Stefano.. but it wasn’t John’s fault.. you must see that. She had become desperate… she lied and schemed in an attempt to get what she wanted and when it finally began to sink in that she had lost everything because of her own behavior… she took her life. John did everything he could to help her change, but she rejected his help, in favor of more lies and manipulation.”

Squelching his true response, Stefano allowed his sadness to take control for a moment, saying, “I suppose you are right… I was looking for someone to blame.. but perhaps I should be examining my own contribution to her untimely death… I am the one who taught her such means… She was so innocent, so pure… once,” he said, fondly remembering those days. There were tears of grief mixed with regret in his dark eyes and Marlena’s natural sense of compassion was sparked.

She sighed, wondering how she could care, even remotely, about his pain… after everything the deluded monster had done to harm the man she loved, to her, and to all the people she loved, but the fact remained that she did care. “Stefano… maybe that is the good that can come from all of this… that you come to realize it’s your ways, your methods that have led to the pain your own children have suffered. If you can learn something, maybe you can begin to change and become the man you *say* you want to be.”

Marlena Evans was an amazing woman; to know him for who he was, to have experienced first hand how wicked and self serving he could be, and yet she would still try to help him. The more he knew her, the more he realized how truly remarkable she was, the more he respected and admired her. “Ah.. yes, perhaps you are right again… you see.. how much I need you. I may.. learn things from you, Marlena… you can say things no one else can say to me. I shall do as you ask.. I will.. apologize to John at the funeral tomorrow.” He winced when he said it, as if it caused him physical pain to make that promise. If the truth be told, it did cause him pain. In his heart of hearts, Stefano still blamed John Black for both Tony and Kristen’s deaths and the man would soon suffer for his sins against the Dimera family. Of that he was certain.

She simply couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Stefano Dimera agreeing to apologize to his worst enemy, a man she knew he loathed. Not deceived in the least about his motivation, nonetheless, she was impressed by his willingness to comply with her request. “Why, thank you, Stefano… I appreciate that very much… I will see you tomorrow afternoon then. Good night.”

Taking her hand, a gesture she allowed, partly out of curiosity, he raised it to his lips and kissed it softly, saying, “Good night, fair lady. Thank you for coming and for speaking so.. frankly with me. It is indeed just what I needed. Until tomorrow,” he finished, opening the door for her.

“Until tomorrow,” she repeated quietly as she stepped outside into the night air, still slightly incredulous that their conversation hadn’t deteriorated into an argument in which they took polarized positions regarding one John Black. Wonders never ceased.

A short time after she left, Stefano was playing the music again, this time for someone else’s ears, relishing in the anguish his enemy would soon feel as a result of this little test. Making sure through his contacts that the man was at home, he used the remote to prepare the correct selection. It was all so perfect, Marlena would have no idea he had been involved.

John was finally at home, lying on the couch, trying unsuccessfully to relax and force the haunting image of Kristen’s lifeless body from his mind and the guilt feelings from his heart. As he flipped the tab on a second can of beer, hoping to dull the pain a little, the telephone rang and he felt a twinge of sorrow for running out on Marlena and Abe the way he had. “Hello?” he said, hesitantly as the music began, thinking it would be Marlena on the telephone. It was a familiar piece…..and he listened intently.

Stefano waited for a minute, listening closely to the sounds of John’s breathing. When he was satisfied he had gotten the programmed response, he began the process once again, “John… listen to me…. focus on the music and listen to the sound of my voice…”

“Yes…” He sounded mechanical in his response, just as the master manipulator had hoped.

Smiling malevolently, feeling very confidant, Stefano moved on to the next step. “Very good, John… now, I want you to remember… go back in your mind… do you remember what you did for me, John?”

“Yes… I remember…” he replied, still sounding robotic, but with slightly more emotion present in his voice.

“You’re doing very well, John… next, I want you to remember how you felt, John… afterward… do you recall?”

“Yes… I… remember… I.. I… was… upset. I felt.. guilty.. so.. guilty… so sorry for what I did.”

“I know you did… it wasn’t in the plans… it was an accident… but still… there were lives lost because of your actions.”

His anxiety and guilt were clearly evident in his anguished reply, seeking support, “It *was* an accident, wasn’t it? I didn’t mean for it to happen… You were so… angry.”

“Yes… it was a horrible tragedy… such a waste.”

“I know… I’m so sorry… I won’t let it happen again.. I promise…” John said, trying to stay in his mentor’s good graces. It seemed so important, though he didn’t quite know why.

“I know you won’t, John…. Now, I have to go….don’t forget, John… remember the feelings… not the acts… just the feelings…. focus on the music and the emotions, John.” Dimera could hear the changes in his subject’s breathing as the seconds ticked past; he was weeping, as he had so long ago, weeping with profound regret for the pain he had caused to other people. Abruptly, Stefano broke the connection, leaving his subject at the height of his emotional response with no one there to guide him gently back to the present reality.

When Marlena opened the door a few minutes later, she was alarmed at what she saw. Hours had passed and she thought he would have worked through some of his feelings about Kristen’s death, but he seemed immersed in guilty grief. He was lying on the couch crying, his body trembling slightly. “John… honey… what’s going on?” she asked worriedly, wondering if there were more to the situation than what she already knew.

Turning toward her, he cried out anxiously, “Oh.. Doc… I’m so glad you’re here… I’ve done some horrible things… I’ve hurt people… so many people.. I didn’t mean to… I swear I didn’t want to hurt you… or Kristen… Roman.. Carrie, Sami… Eric.. I’ve hurt you all so much… It seems like that’s all I ever do is cause people pain!” he cried out guiltily.

Glancing around the room, noticing several empty beer cans on the table and one on the floor nearby, she realized there would be no convincing him otherwise at the moment. He was lost in the grief and remorse, the alcohol impairing his ability to control his emotions. Instead of talking about it, she sat down, took him in her arms and held him tight, willing him to feel the love she freely wanted to give him. After a long while, she said, “I’m here, honey… I love you and I’m here for you… it’s going to be allright… you’ll see. You’ll feel better in the morning, sweety,” she said, hoping his hangover wouldn’t be too rough.

John didn’t say anything for a time, taking comfort from having her arms around his suddenly chilled body. He didn’t understand why the feelings of regret and remorse were so powerful, so all encompassing, but he knew he needed her in this moment, like never before. “I don’t know.. why you love me.. but I’m so glad you do… I’m glad you’re here, Doc… I’m so confused right now!” he said, the turmoil he was experiencing plain to see.

“I know you are.. and I understand… I’m sorry, John… I know you loved her once… but it isn’t your fault, it really isn’t. I wish you could accept that.”

Slightly less anxious just being in her loving presence, he sighed and replied with a little less self doubt, “When you say it… I can almost believe it, Doc… thank you for supporting me… I need you so much, you know that?” he asked, cupping her face between his hands, then kissing her tenderly.

After it ended, she nodded and pulled him nearer still, replying warmly, “Yes… I do know that, and I need you too… We need each other, honey…that’s what love is all about.”

There was no more need for words and they held each other in companionable silence, alternately drawing back to gaze deeply into starry eyes, content to love and be loved. After a time, they made their way upstairs and John fell asleep in the arms of the woman he loved. Marlena laid quietly and listened to the sounds of his breathing, slow and steady and peaceful. When she was assured he would sleep through the night, Marlena closed her eyes and let the darkness claim her as well.

In the second John entered the sanctuary, his eyes landed on the casket and wouldn’t wander far, even if he were talking to someone else about something completely unrelated to Kristen’s death by suicide. John was fixated on her and his part in her demise, and rather than lessening in intensity as would be expected, the guilty remorse seemed to be strengthening its hold over him as the hours passed. Marlena was becoming increasingly concerned for his emotional well being. In some moments, John seemed so vulnerable, almost fragile, which was so unlike him and she wondered what was going on besides his feelings about Kristen’s death. Watching him pace slowly back and forth, staring at the casket bearing the woman who had conducted a reign of terror which caused them both so much pain, was unnerving to put it mildly.

‘Oh, John..what are you thinking?’ she said to herself, sighing worriedly as she glanced over in his direction again. He was very quiet upon awakening from a restless night. The fact that he hadn’t slept well was no surprise to her, though, after seeing that he drank most of a six pack of beer, something he hardly ever did. His withdrawal from her was upsetting; however, because they had always been able to talk openly about most things, and now he was shutting her out at a time when he so clearly needed her support. If she dwelled on it for long, his avoidance of anything more than polite conversation hurt her.

Abe and Lexie arrived a short while later, their eyes landing on John as well. After exchanging a knowing glance with each other, Lexie headed over to where Marlena was standing and Abe toward John, who was beginning to pace again, after a period of standing still and staring at the lifeless body of a woman he once loved. Approaching slowly, Abe touched his friend on the sleeve, saying, “Hey buddy… how you doing today?”

There was no immediate answer, as if it took a great deal of effort to think of something to say in response. Finally, John looked away from Kristen, and replied, “I don’t know, Abe… a little numb I guess… I can’t.. believe that she killed herself… because of me.. I feel so… guilty.”

“John… come on… you’ve got to stop this… it isn’t your fault. Kristen was the one who chose the path of lies and deceit that left her alone and miserable, not you.”

Slightly exasperated that no one could see what seemed so obvious to him, John said, “Abe… look… I know you mean well, but I have to face facts… It’s because of me that she killed herself. I wasn’t there for her when she needed someone so desperately. I lied to her and to Marlena about my feelings for months and because of that she turned to Stefano’s methods to hang on to me…. I drove her to do it, all of it, Abe,” he said, full of remorse.

Stefano looked on with some semblance of pleasure… If his daughter had to die, at least the man responsible was wracked by guilty sadness for his actions. Stefano could take comfort in that knowledge. And, the fact that it fit right in with his plans to make the man’s life miserable for what he’d done, was like the proverbial icing on the cake. In his estimation, John Black had taken both Kristen and Tony from him, not to mention whisking baby Elvis out of his life, and John’s mortal enemy vowed that the man would pay for his sins against the Dimera family. Last night’s little phone call had initiated the process and it was time for the next step along the way. “It is time, Bart,” Stefano said quietly, motioning to his right hand man to approach the organist, asking her to cue up the music he had chosen, with specific results in mind.

Marlena was glancing over to where John and Abe were standing when the music began. It was a classical piece that began with very somber, dark tones, and she found herself asking why anyone would have chosen such a disheartening piece for an already solemn occasion. However, it was John’s reaction that was so odd. She moved closer to her fiance and Abe, who was also immediately concerned. One minute, John was talking with him, then suddenly, his body stiffened slightly and his eyes went shut momentarily, then he seemed to be staring blankly off into space, his eyes blinking rapidly, and it was as if he were completely unaware of the world around him. Stefano was grinning inside, pleased to see that the triggers were all still there and all it took were certain pieces of music, certain words, certain situations and the man was instantly subject to his control. Soon, Stefano would have his revenge; this was only the beginning. “John… hey.. buddy.. are you okay?” Abe was asking as Marlena approached, her worry not hidden in the least.

“Abe… what happened?” she asked, alarmed at what she was seeing. John didn’t say anything at all, not even acknowledging her arrival, just continued to stare off into space, his eyelids fluttering wildly.

Abe was shaking his head, saying, “I don’t know.. we were just… standing here talking and all of a sudden, he shut his eyes tight for a second or two, and then he was just staring out at nothing.” She nodded and then spoke very softly, so as not to upset him in any way. “John… honey… it’s me, Marlena.. are you allright?” she asked, putting her hands on his shoulders, trying to redirect his attention.

Still no response at all. She snapped her fingers in front of his face, and he came to awareness, apparently in great distress, tears starting to form behind his eyes, “It’s all my fault, Doc… I killed her!” Suddenly, he bolted toward the casket, crying out and leaning over the body, “Oh, Kristen… please forgive me! I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you!”

For all outward appearances, John was on the verge of some kind of an emotional breakdown and Marlena was extremely worried, signaling toward Mike and Lexie, who came over immediately to guide their mutual and highly distressed friend to one of the pews. They sat him down and then encouraged him to lie down, a move he allowed without resistance, which spoke volumes of his mental state. Ordinarily, John would not have allowed it. No one noticed that the music had changed, but it had its effects and John’s eyes rolled back in his head and his body went limp as the piece came to an end. Something was very wrong with John Black, Mike concluded. A quick check of his vital signs revealed a slowed heartbeat and lower than normal blood pressure. His pupils were dilated, but his eyes stayed shut for awhile after a cursory examination, and he was completely unresponsive to external stimuli. “John…. talk to me… come on… open your eyes and tell me what’s happening,” Mike urged, shaking his patient gently about the shoulders.

Marlena looked at her friend and told him with her eyes that she’d like to try too. “John… honey… please open your eyes now… it’s going to be alright…. come back to us.”

His eyelids flickered and then opened, his eyes darting back and forth; he was obviously trying to determine what had transpired and why he was in a reclined position. “Doc…. where’s Doc?” he asked, moving his head about anxiously, wondering why he was looking up at the ceiling, but not quite aware enough to make an attempt at sitting up.

Taking his right hand in both of hers, she said, “I’m right here, honey… it’s okay, John,” she said reassuringly, as she moved in to sit next to him on the edge of the pew.

A few moments went by in which there was total silence, no one knowing quite what to make of it all. This was so unlike the John Black they all knew and loved, and they were worried about what was happening to him in the aftermath of Kristen’s suicide. Was that alone enough to cause his anguished outburst and the brief lapse of consciousness? “Marlena… what… what’s going on? … Why am I.. lying down like this?” he asked her, feeling very confused, his brow furrowed, as he sought the answers in his own mind. They weren’t there. He couldn’t remember anything after talking with Abe.

She looked at Mike, who shrugged uncertainly, before answering his anxious query, “Doc… tell me what happened,” John demanded as he finally sat up again, embarrassed by the fact that there was a crowd of people gathered around staring at him.

Not wanting to alarm him, but realizing that he needed to know, she hesitated briefly then told him, speaking quietly and slowly, “Honey… you were… very upset and then you….passed out.”

It was frightening to contemplate a total loss of awareness for even a minute or two… With a bewildered expression, he said, “I did? I don’t remember any of it… Why was I so upset, Doc? What did I do?”

“Honey… do you know where we are right now?” she said in response, wondering what he recalled, and needing to assess whether he was oriented at the moment.

Looking around at all the people, he put a hand to his right temple straining to recall the events. “Mmmm,” he moaned. Finally, his mind began to clear and he answered with broken phrases, while sitting up straighter, seeming to be more like his normal self, “Kristen’s funeral? Yea… we’re.. at St. Lukes.. but.. I don’t remember what happened, Doc… I was standing there talking to Abe… that’s the last thing I remember, Marlena… what’s wrong with me?” John asked, wiping the sweat from his brow and looking at his friends, searching for the answers in their worried eyes.

“Honey… you were distraught and crying out about being sorry for what happened, then we brought you over here to sit down and you went out on us for a couple of minutes… “

Thinking about it made his head pound with throbbing pain and he groaned, beginning to become aware of the scene he’d caused, “Oh… well, I don’t have a clue what happened just now… but I think we should get on with this thing. I’m fine now… okay?”

“Alright, John… if you’re sure, but I think you should come over to the hospital when this is over so I can check you out more thoroughly… just to be certain,” said Mike.

Immediately, he stood more erect, emphasizing his vigor as he denied the need, “No… come on.. I just… haven’t slept well, and God knows I haven’t eaten much of the right things lately… that’s probably all it was.. I’m fine… stop fussing over me,” he finished, stepping away from the gathering nearby. All the attention made him distinctly uncomfortable.

Glancing toward Lexie, Mike and Laura, all of whom were shaking their heads as if to say… ‘it seemed like more than that,’ Marlena tried to convince him otherwise, “John…. honey, I really think Mike is right. I think you should let him examine you… it could be something significant, John…please.”

Embarrassed and very confused by the whole affair, he snapped at her, “I *said* I’m fine, Doc… now leave it alone!!”

Stefano stood at the back of the church, an evil grin creeping across his face. “It’s all proceeding just perfectly, Bart. I told you and Rolf… all the triggers are still there and he doesn’t have any idea of what’s happening to him. If he ever does figure it out, it will be too late. He will lose Marlena in the process…. of his own doing… all because he has to know… ha ha!”

At last, the dreaded funeral was over and they were back at the hotel room where they knew they’d be undisturbed. John was lying quietly half asleep on the bed, while Marlena sat on the loveseat watching her fiance as unobtrusively as possible. He’d been acting so strangely since Kristen’s death, overly emotional, insecure and sensitive, guilt ridden and suddenly tearful. The fact that he’d gotten drunk last night; it was all so unlike the John she knew. Then at the funeral service.. that odd episode of staring blankly ahead as if he were drugged or in a trance of some kind. The combination of behaviors left her very worried about him and now he was withdrawing into himself. He hadn’t said one word since the casket bearing Kristen’s body was lowered into the ground. She wanted to reach out to him, to let him know how much she cared and wanted to understand what he was feeling, but she didn’t know what else to do other than be with him while he worked it through.

“John, honey…. won’t you talk to me?”

Sighing heavily, he answered in somber tones, “What’s there to say Doc… Kristen’s dead and it’s my fault… And somehow, I have to find a way to live with that fact.”

It was wearing on her to hear his unfounded guilt, and her exasperation was evident in her reply, “John… we have been through this a dozen times. Kristen chose to take her life… Her own behavior led her to feel such despair, not your reaction to her.”

“No… she told me she was going to do it and I did nothing… I should have helped her, Doc… but I didn’t and because of my rejection… because of my anger… my frustration with her, she’s dead!”

She was thinking to herself before she spoke to him. It was confrontation time. “John… tell me… what you think you could have done to help her… Would you have gone along with her plans to take the baby? Maybe, reunited with her.. tried to raise that baby as your own with her, what John?”

Seeing her point, he stammered and tried to come up with something… there had to be something he could have done to save her… “Well, no not any of that… but….”

“John, honey… you must see how irrational all of this is… you tried to help her change but she rejected your attempts and chose to continue lying and manipulating. There is nothing you could have done. Kristen made all the wrong choices in her life… and you are NOT responsible for that!”

Climbing off the bed, standing up quickly, he shouted at her, but was speaking in angry self-reproach, shaking his head, “No, NO! That’s just it, Doc..” Pointing a finger at his chest he was filled with self condemnation, “It was ME! *I* made all the wrong choices… for years and years… I kept… turning away from you…. to Isabella… Rebecca… Kristen… Hell, for awhile there…. I was with whoever walked by me in a skirt… and then all those times I went back to Kristen! I was lying to myself.. to them, and to *you* when it was you I loved all along… when it was *you* who was in my heart all those years! Why is that, Doc! What the hell is wrong with me?” he was asking, wishing someone could answer his frustrated queries.

He was so animated, so distressed and Marlena was concerned for him, and tried to help. Putting her hands on his shoulders, then caressing his face, she said softly, “John… please honey… try to calm down.. you’re just so tired and you need to relax and get some rest. How about if I make us something to drink, some tea maybe… would that help?” she asked, still standing close to him.

Laboring to slow his breathing, John shut his eyes for a moment or two and replied more calmly, “Yea… sure… I’m sorry, Doc.. I don’t know what’s going on with me…. I’m sorry if I.. upset you with all of that.”

“It’s okay, John… I understand… Kristen’s death has.. shaken you up, it’s caused you to reflect.”

“Yea, that must be it..” he was saying with an attempt at a smile, yet knowing there was much more to it… he just couldn’t comprehend what it might be or find the energy to deal with it at the moment.

She was in the kitchenette when the phone rang. Figuring he was in no shape to talk, she went to get it when she had a free hand and found there was only music on the line… how odd. Thinking, it was some computerized sales call, she was about to let John handle it when she thought she heard someone on the other end. Marlena listened very carefully to every sound; it was a familiar classical piece, one she’d heard before but couldn’t name it or place where she’d heard it. Finally, she heard the sound of someone breathing, John’s breathing. It was slightly abnormal, and it worried her, reminding her of that period of time shortly before they’d both ended up at Maison Blanche, caught up in Stefano’s master plans to eliminate John’s memories and keep Marlena for himself. Immediately, she guessed at what was happening. Carefully, she laid the phone down on a towel and rushed into the other room to get a good look at her fiance. She wanted first hand knowledge of the effects the call and the music had on him, should she be called upon to disclose the experience at some point.

He was sitting on the couch, the portable phone in his right hand, and he was staring blankly off into space, in much the same way as he had done at the funeral, his eyelids fluttering. She watched for another moment or two… wondering what exactly was happening. John was so quiet, sitting perfectly still and listening intently, as if taking orders. Going back into the other room, she picked up the receiver as carefully as possible. Still, there was only the piece playing itself out. ‘Who is this?’ she demanded inside her mind. ‘Tell me right now!’ She wanted to scream those words into the phone, but she didn’t say them out loud, for fear of tipping the evil monster off. As expected, there was no verbalization, only the familiar clicking noise made by then inevitable disconnection. Although it made her sick to even consider the possibility, Marlena knew in her mind and more importantly, she believed it in her heart what it was all about. There was only one person who would ever make that kind of a call, Stefano Dimera! But she had no proof, that was always the problem where he was involved. How could she get it?

Again, Marlena rushed into the other room to see what the effect was when the call ended. John was still sitting there, as if in a trance. “Honey…. who was that?” she asked, trying to glean any clues she could.

“Uh… it was…” he started, then squinted, as if he were laboring to recall it. Finally, he responded, saying uncertainly, “I don’t know…. wrong number I guess… ” he said still sounding somewhat absent.

So, that was it, he had no memory of the calls when they were made. The effects were subliminal, below the level of conscious memory. That was definitely a problem, because she knew she couldn’t be with him all the time. “Oh… well, I’ll just go ahead and get that tea for us,” she said pleasantly. Then she followed with a question for assessment purposes also, “John, how are you feeling right now?”

Blinking rapidly, he seemed to have to struggle to find some words to say, “I… I uh, I’m okay I guess… I feel… strange,” he answered, with a bewildered expression. Then there was a long pause in which he was just staring out of those nearly vacant eyes, and then suddenly, he turned his head and looked right at her. “Doc, what’s happening to me?” he asked, innocently… sensing there was something more than grief that was making him feel so out of control lately, yet having absolutely no idea what it might be.

Deciding there was no sense in alarming him at the moment, she tried to assuage his concerns, “Oh, honey… it’s allright, you’re just grieving and because of what happened between you and Kristen, your grief is a little complicated, that’s all.”

He smiled weakly, nodded his head and replied quietly,”Oh… makes sense… thanks for helping with this, Doc… I know you… hated Kristen for what she did to you… a part of me hated her too… but I still feel bad about what happened to her.”

“So do I, John… she used to be a friend to me.. I feel sad for the loss of who Kristen once was… that’s what makes this so hard to deal with, honey… You’re mourning the Kristen you once knew and wishing she could have stayed that way all along.”

He nodded and leaned back further, Yea… that must be what it is…” he said, realizing once again just how incredibly caring and insightful his fiance had always been. “Marlena… you continue to amaze me… I love you so much… I don’t know what I would ever do without you in my life…”

“Well, my love… you’re never going to find out because I will always love you and I will always be there for you when you need me.” As she spoke to him, she stepped across the room to sit with him, wrapping her arms around him as a gesture of love and comfort.

He held on tight… the intense and irrational anxiety suddenly taking him within its firm grasp. John had no idea what was happening internally, but whatever it was, it was frightening and he knew he couldn’t survive it without this woman whom he loved so dearly. “Good… because without you in my life.. nothing has any real meaning or purpose, Doc… You’re everything to me, Marlena… you’re the reason I want to wake up every day.. and the one I want to lie down with at night… you’re the one I share good news with…. and the one I want with me when the bad times come. I just love you and need you so much,” he finished, with passion, hugging her a little closer.

Concerned about his neediness, she reassured him again, “I love you too, sweetheart and I just want to help you get through this… I care about what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking, so please tell me.”

“I will… I promise.. thanks, Doc.” They held each other for awhile and though he needed some sleep, John fought it off for a long while. Finally, Marlena was able to convince him to take a mild sleeping aid and he soon fell into a deep sleep which she believed was vital to his well being.

Then, glad for the time alone, she set about reviewing the events of the last 48 hours or so, hoping that by writing everything down in great detail, she might be able to discern exactly when John began behaving strangely. Was it the day Kristen died? Or did it start shortly afterward… As she wrote it all down… she recalled her visit to Stefano the previous evening. John was upset after seeing Kristen’s body and he went off alone for a little while which was when she decided to pay Stefano a visit at the Dimera Mansion. Stefano was so… pleasant and willing to compromise… which was curious to her. Then when she returned to the Penthouse, John was drinking and very distraught, ruminating over having hurt so many people, etc. And then the funeral… that strange music she thought was such a dark piece, his overwrought demeanor for a brief period, then almost passing out, and now this bizarre telephone call. There could be only one explanation for all of those things…..

Stefano Dimera had concocted another plan and it involved capitalizing on John’s natural propensity for guilt about the death and how it happened, making John appear to be losing control of his mind and emotions. Maybe he wanted everyone to think John Black was having some sort of a mental breakdown in the aftermath of Kristen’s suicide. It would be the perfect revenge…. with the possible result of involuntary hospitalization and a subsequent separation from Marlena if the plan worked.

However, the element of surprise was always so critical to his grand schemes and this time he’d lost that. Marlena was on to him and he had no idea she knew anything at all. She could use that against him… Now, the only question was….. should she tell John what she knew or try to trap Stefano at his own game, without alerting either of them? Marlena knew that if she told John, and therefore, Abe and Bo.. they would become angry and try to find some way to take Stefano down… but he would realize that they knew what he was up to and quit for awhile until the furor died down and then he’d try again or devise some other scheme to hurt John and keep she and John apart. But, on the other hand, if she went along for a period of time acting as if she were none the wiser, watching John very closely for signs of serious trouble, she just might find a way to catch the criminal mastermind in the act. Then they would have the case against him that they needed to find a charge that would stick. As she pondered her dilemna, John was calling out in his sleep…

Some of it Marlena could understand clearly and some of it was incomprehensible muttering, “Yes… I understand, I’ll do what I’m told…. please just… don’t hurt them…. I’ll do whatever you say… don’t hurt my family, please..” He was tossing and turning, obviously being called upon to do something that wasn’t right under the threat of harm to the people he loved. Marlena hated to see him so upset after everything else that had happened and decided to wake him up, shaking him gently.

“John… honey…. wake up… come on baby…. you’re dreaming. John..”

This time it wasn’t a gradual process… his eyes flew open wide and he seemed lost between dreams and memories…. “Doc…. I promise, I’ll never leave you! And, I’ll protect you… I won’t let him hurt you ever again… I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you, Belle and Brady safe… I promise!” he said in a voice filled with strong emotion, at the same time as he was pulling her toward him, firmly wrapping his arms around her, telling her he would never let her go again. She didn’t say a word, sensing he needed just to hold her, to feel her body close in his arms until he was fully awake and alert.

In that moment of intimate contact, Marlena made her decision; she was going to make the attempt to conquer Stefano herself, by feeding his enormous ego, making him think she was truly appreciative of his efforts to let the old animosity go. She would reel him in like a fish chasing bait and then she’d let the others take over when the time was right. But, she acknowledged that she had to tell someone in order to accomplish the task from the outset, someone with whom she could discuss strategy. It would be foolish to do otherwise because if something happened to her, no one would know about what was happening to John. But who would help her? Who could she trust not to tell John and the others about her plan to take down the evil monster who had wreaked havoc in Salem for close to two decades?

Marlena noticed the quiet stillness that had pervaded John’s hotel room, having dozed off while reading. Glancing over at the bed, she saw that John was sleeping soundly, the slow and steady rhythm of his breathing a comfort to observe. What a relief it was…after everything he’d been through recently. As she glanced about the place in which he’d lived for several months she realized even more fully how little there was of *him* there. He had literally put his life on hold for her; it touched her, but it still made her a little sad, because she hadn’t quite realized what her choice to be the mainstay of Roman’s life during his illness had done to the man she loved. They’d talked about it, but somehow sitting there looking around the room, she felt his pain for the first time. There were a few framed pictures of her and the children sitting on the bedside table, but that was all. There wasn’t anything to indicate who he was as a person… just his clothes. ‘Oh, John…. why did we waste so much time being apart? Sometimes I wish we could go back and do it all over again… But, then again, no… she had come to believe that things happened for a reason and that she should be thankful they were together now. It was slightly miraculous, all things considered.

Marlena took advantage of the opportunity to place a quick call to their good friend, someone she hadn’t talked to in a quite while. The phone rang for the longest time, but finally the person she was seeking answered.

“Hello, Donovan residence… Shane speaking…” said the man with the familiar British accent, straightening in the leather chair behind the oak desk in his den. He’d been reviewing files on the case to which he would soon be assigned. It was growing tedious and he welcomed the interruption.

“Oh.. Shane, thank goodness I’ve gotten you between assignments, I really need your help,” Marlena said anxiously.

Snapping to attention, his mind fully on his friend, he acknowledged the caller’s identity with concern, “Marlena? Well, hello my old friend… tell me what’s going on… you sound.. worried.”

Looking at John and thinking about what had happened earlier in the evening, Marlena wasted no time, “I am Shane… it’s about John… I think Stefano is planning something and if I’m right… John could be in serious trouble… Can you make arrangements to meet with me?”

Guessing where she meant, he asked about it as he closed up the files he was reviewing, “In Salem? Do you think that’s wise?”

“Well, no.. probably not, but I don’t want to leave John right now… He’s… well, I’ll have to explain it when you get here,” she said, deciding mid-sentence that maybe it would be better if she didn’t talk about it over the telephone. “Can you make it?”

His mind already working out the plans he answered affirmatively, “Of course…. I’ll do whatever I can to help you, Marlena… I care very much for both of you.” After a brief pause, he raised what he thought might be part of her cause for concern, “I… uh.. I heard about Kristen’s suicide… how is he taking it?”

Her sigh was clearly audible across the miles, her relief significant. Having help from someone like Shane was paramount. Making sure John wasn’t stirring, she said, “Oh.. thank you, Shane…. that means more than I can say… believe me. To be honest… he’s taking it horribly, acting very strangely and then tonight, something suspicious happened… and that’s why I called you.”

Suddenly it occurred to him as he began to pack up his briefcase, and Shane made a logical query, “Marlena… please don’t mind my asking, but why didn’t you just tell Abe, Bo and Roman about your concerns?”

Hesitantly, she shared her conclusion, again shooting a glance over at John. If he overheard her now it might be upsetting. “Well… because I have a plan to beat Stefano at his own game and I’m afraid they wouldn’t go along with it… I just wanted to run it by you first to see what you thought of it, before I tell anyone else, including John. It’s risky and I need a more objective expert opinion about it.”

Ready to climb on a jet immediately, Shane stood up, making mental preparations for the trip, he said, “Sounds intriguing… you’ve got me hooked… I’ll be on the first flight out tonight… I’ll call you as soon as I’m booked and ready to go.”

What a relief it was to know there were so many people she could turn to during a tough time. “Thank you… thank you so much, Shane..” she said gratefully, as she hushed her voice slightly, thinking she heard the sheets rustling behind her.

Hearing her fear, Shane sought to reassure his friend that they could handle the situation, “Marlena… I know you and John would do the same for me if the situation arose. I’ll see you soon, and Marlena…. try not to worry too much… it won’t help him. We’ll figure out what to do. “

He was right, but it wasn’t really possible to stop being concerned. It was John’s mental, emotional, and possibly physical well being they were discussing. “I know…thank you for reminding me. Goodbye, Shane.”

After hanging up, Marlena laid down next to the resting form of her great love… She reached up to stroke his hair, gently threading the rich dark thickness with the slender fingertips of her left hand, and then caressing his whiskered cheeks. John smiled in his sleep and she felt her heart melting at the sweet sight of it. He seemed so peaceful and contented, as if all were right with the world and it was… in his dream. She was thankful for that at least, in light of everything that had happened to hurt them both and interfere with their relationship recently… Planting a soft kiss on his handsome cheek, she breathed in the faint scent of his ruggedly masculine cologne and sighed, wishing they could make love. Understanding how he was feeling about himself in the aftermath of Kristen’s suicide, she wanted to show him how much she loved him and assure him that she still believed in him. Alas, she was cognizant that desire would have to wait. She didn’t want to disturb his sleep.. he hadn’t had a good night since the death three days earlier.

John turned onto his side and snuggled up against her, murmuring of his love, “Mmm, love you, Doc… always loved you… ” and she sighed worriedly this time, as she folded herself into his embrace, lying as close to him as possible. ‘Oh.. John… what should I do? Should I just tell you what I think is happening… or should we try to catch Stefano in the act, so we can stop him over the long haul? Will it cause serious problems for you? Will you be angry at me for taking the risk… both for your well being and mine….

Not able to come up with the answers to any of her questions for the moment, she settled down into sleep, content to be with him, knowing that at least for this particular evening, nothing more could happen to upset him or interfere with their love. Kristen was dead and if Marlena had anything to say about it, John would eventually get past the guilt he felt and move on with his fiance. She hoped it wouldn’t take too long… they’d already lost too much time because of the evil machinations of the Dimera family, if one could even call it a family.

Marlena snuggled up close to her love and faded into sleep comforted by the notion that Shane was coming to Salem, and she knew in her heart that together they would find a way to put Stefano in jail for the rest of his miserable life for what he was trying to do to John now, for what he’d done to them and so many other people they both cared about over the years. The man had to pay for his crimes and maybe it was fitting that Marlena be the one who would finally bring the evil man to his knees. It was a very dangerous and frightening but enticing scenario she had planned. If she played it just right, the man would fall right into her trap and they would catch him by playing his game, using his own tactics against him. She smiled wickedly…. imagining the moment in which he finally realized what they’d done, what *she* had been able to accomplish. It wasn’t in her nature, but she had learned from the master himself and now was the time to show him what a great teacher he was.

Abe Carver couldn’t sleep at all that night… tossing and turning… wondering what was going on with his best buddy… Consequently, his wife wasn’t getting much rest either. “Okay, Abe… let’s talk about this… what’s going on with you?” Lexie said, sitting up in bed, slightly exasperated.

Not moving much, her husband groaned and said, “I don’t know… just can’t sleep… “

Guessing, she asked for the reason, “Why… are you thinking about John and what happened at the funeral today?”

“Yea… you?” he wondered, since she’d asked.

“Mmm hmm… it was strange wasn’t it?” asked his wife, a puzzled expression appearing on her face as she reviewed the entire scene in her mind.

“Yea… I can’t stop thinking about the way he was acting… First he was just kind of stunned and he kept staring over at the coffin… and then that depressing music was playing… and he got so upset… and then he.. fainted.. What do think happened to him, Lex?” Abe was asking, sitting up to face her directly, wanting her professional opinion.

Shaking her head… she was thinking about the vital signs, his inability to remember what happened just preceding the dizziness. “I don’t know… it could be just what he said… he wasn’t sleeping enough.. and he hasn’t been eating right.. So, he was tired and emotionally drained.. and he just got dizzy for a minute or two..” she postulated, not at all sure it wasn’t more than that.

Abe questioned her because she didn’t sound certain, “Do you really believe that or is it what you want to believe?”

“Abe… it sounds like you have your own theory about all this… Suppose you tell me what *you* think.”

Standing up, her husband took a moment to walk around the bedroom, as he reviewed the events of the past several days, then shared his concerns and one possible conclusion. “Well, he’s been having a tough time of it ever since the night Kristen killed herself.. that’s no secret, Lexie… but Marlena told me exactly what happened.. They went to the Mansion the other night and he was…. really upset.. he was saying that everything that happened was his fault because he wasn’t honest about his feelings… Then, the next day, they went to the morgue and Stefano was all over him again.. blaming him for Kristen’s death… John didn’t defend himself at the mansion when I was there or that time at the morgue… and then… that night we were at the station… he got pretty upset and just.. took off. I don’t know where he went, but I found out Marlena went to see Stefano…”

“She went to see Stefano? Why?” asked Lexie, concerned for her friend and hoping the discussion wasn’t leading to some new scheme Abe thought the man was hatching.

“Marlena was worried about John and didn’t like the way Stefano was treating him, so she went over there to confront him and tell him that if he wanted her friendship, he should let up on John… She told Stefano that he should stop blaming John for what happened to Kristen and take a look at his own influence on her.”

Thinking that Marlena was the only other person besides herself who could speak to the man in such a fashion and walk away to tell about it, Lexie reacted strongly, “Wow… that’s pretty intense… so what happened?”

His reaction was delayed, as if he still couldn’t believe it were true, Abe turned away from the window, out of which he’d been gazing and spoke with that incredulity in his voice, “Well, here’s the really strange part of it all. He agreed Lexie.. he agreed to apologize to John for yelling at him.”

Her jaw dropped open at that one…and her eyes were wide with surprise, “He agreed to apologize…. to John? I want to think my father has been changing, but that one is pretty tough to swallow. What do you make of it, Abe?”

After glancing back out over the barren winter landscape again, taking a minute to formulate a response, Abe said, “I’ve been running it through in my mind Lexie and the one answer that keeps coming back to me is that he’s planning something… He definitely holds John at fault for Kristen’s death, Tony’s too… and he never lets something like that go, not for anyone. I think he’s going to make it appear as though he has changed, that he’s forgiven John and taken some responsibility for what happened to his children… all the while he’s planning to take revenge in the worst way.”

Not bothering to argue, she asked what was on her mind other than not wanting to accept it, “But how, Abe.. he knows he’ll lose the benefit of the pardon, not to mention my belief in his sincerity if he resumes his illegal activities?”

A puzzled expression crossed his face, as he still pondered the specifics, “That’s what I can’t quite figure… That night Marlena went to see him… She said that when she got home, John was drunk… she said he was anguished, full of guilt… needy… That’s so unlike him, Lexie… I can’t help but think Stefano might have had something to do with it.”

His wife was shaking her head… hating the fact that any time something went wrong in John’s life, the automatic assumption was that her father was involved with it. Some of that irritation slipped out in her response this time, “Abe… we all saw how upset he was by Kristen’s suicide. John feels responsible; he thinks he could have saved her. Maybe seeing her body was just too much for him, so he got drunk to escape the pain and the guilt he’s been feeling about her death. The alcohol in his system in combination with his distressed emotional state easily explains the rest of it.” She didn’t want it to be her father’s fault because she had begun to feel differently about him during the past several months.

Nodding to acknowledge that possibility, Abe conceded that she had a point, saying, “Maybe so… but I’m still going to watch Dimera very closely… I know you want to believe that he’s changed, but I still don’t buy it… I think he’s working on some kind of a plan to hurt John and keep him from being with Marlena.”

At last, Lexie rose from the bed, seeking the comfort of Abe’s arms around her suddenly chilled body. When she was safely within the warmth of his masculine embrace, she let out a long sigh and shared her sentiments, “For everyone’s sake… I pray you’re wrong about that, Abe… He says he’s moved on… that’s he’s given up on trying to make Marlena love him because he’s finally realized that it will never happen. He hasn’t done anything to them since he helped to find that cure for Roman… and even after Susan left town with the baby because of their help. I think his transformation is genuine, Abe.”

“Oh… Lexie… just because he wasn’t being openly hostile to John or actively bothering Marlena doesn’t mean he isn’t still plotting something… Besides, I’ve seen the thinly veiled hatred toward John… and I’ve watched him being extremely condemning of him… especially since Kristen killed herself. He won’t let it drop just because Marlena asks him to back off. Whenever there’s a change in outward appearances… Stefano always has some ulterior motive…this time’s no different, Lex.”

“But, Abe… you know if you think about it… my father does have a point. John did reject Kristen.. over and over and from what he’s said, he was pretty insensitive when she mentioned suicide.”

Hearing that comment come out of his wife’s mouth was shocking. With wide eyes, Abe looked at her, his face contorted with displeasure and asked in disbelief, “Lexie.. don’t tell me… *you* blame John too?”

Understanding his reaction, yet not backing down, she answered flatly, “No… I’m just saying, I can see it from Stefano’s point of view.”

Bothered by her lack of apparent understanding for what his best friend was suffering, Abe fired off his opinion, “Well, I can’t! John didn’t do anything wrong, Lexie! If Kristen was alone and miserable, she brought it on herself. She was a lying, manipulative… bitch and she hurt John alot, more than he’s willing to talk about… I think because he feels that Marlena was the one who was really hurt and he feels guilty about that too. I can’t believe you would even think of supporting Stefano’s position!”

So much for getting all warmed up… she was thinking. “Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t agree. I think John should have been honest about how he was feeling toward Marlena… all along like you said you told him to do. If he would have just followed your advice, maybe none of this would ever have happened. Kristen might be alive right now if he’d done that, Abe. So, yes… to be perfectly honest.. I guess I do blame John… to some degree.”

It was simply inconceivable that he and his wife could have come to this point, to be on completely opposite sides of an issue like this, one involving his best friend. John had become like a brother… they’d been through some very rough times and they’d always been there for each other. John was struggling emotionally, reeling from the speed of the changes in his life… One minute on top of the world because Marlena had recommitted to him, and the next saddened and remorseful because a woman he once loved killed herself. Now, Lexie was blaming John for what happened to the deceptive “witch” who caused his buddy a lot of pain, stealing his grief, substituting another woman’s child for his, one he had to relinquish to the infant’s real mother. That was another loss he never talked about, but Abe knew his friend was hurting. John never said anything about it, but once in awhile, he’d catch his friend pulling out a picture of the baby… or looking at a woman holding an infant, and he’d hear a soft mournful sigh that clued him in to the pain his buddy was experiencing.

All of his worries for his best friend came out as he defended the man, “I can’t believe I’m hearing this…. It isn’t John’s fault that she lied to him… all those months about the baby… manipulating Marlena… lying about Peter being alive… telling Stefano which plane she was on… locking Marlena in the basement of the Mansion… My God, Lexie… none of that is because of John. SHE chose to do evil… she chose to keep on scheming even after she lost him… He tried to help her change but she wouldn’t do it, Lexie! SHE chose to kill herself!”

Feeling frustrated with him, but understanding his concern for his friend, Lexie labored to remain calm, so that their discussion didn’t become a full blown fight, “Alright… I agree with most of that, Abe… I’m just saying that in some ways I can see how Stefano, as the parent of a child who died would blame John. If she had never gotten involved with him, maybe it wouldn’t have happened… that’s all. I’m not saying that anything she did was justified, or that John really contributed directly to her suicide. Okay?”

Nodding his head, Abe could feel the adrenaline flow slowly dissipating and his anger cooling off. Reaching out to fold his wife into a hug of apology, and then he uttered one as well, “Alright… I can see your point. I’m sorry I spouted off at you, Lex… I’m just…. worried about him. John’s really hurting and I don’t know how to help him through this, that’s all. He’s already blaming himself.. the last thing he needs is for anyone besides Stefano agreeing with him when he says it’s his fault, so it really set me off to hear you say that.”

Glad they hadn’t ended up in a serious disagreement, she nestled into the safety of her husband’s arms, saying, “I understand and I care about John too, you know I do, Abe. That wasn’t what I meant. We’ll be there for John and Marlena.. and pretty soon… he’ll get past this… you’ll see.”

With a heavy sigh, Abe tried to make himself believe it, muttering under his breath, as he held his wife close for comfort, “Yea… if Stefano lets him.”

Over at the Brady Pub, there were similar concerns being expressed. Shawn and Caroline were standing behind the bar, surrounded by Roman and Bo and Hope, Austin and Carrie as well. Sami and Eric stood back talking amongst themselves, wondering how they might take advantage of the situation to drive a wedge between John and Marlena. At this point, all the twins wanted was for the couple to break up… they cared nothing for John’s pain and truly believed their mother would be better off without him, so her suffering in losing him would be worth it in the long run.

Hope offered her ideas to the group, “I think he’s just having a hard time right now… and he passed out because of not eating and sleeping right, like he said.”

“I agree… I mean Lexie and Mike didn’t find anything really wrong with him… maybe that’s all there is to it, ” said Carrie hopefully. She hated to even think of what else might be going on. Marlena and John deserved to have some happiness for a change and she wanted them to get it.

“Well… but that doesn’t explain what happened with the music.. Abe said it was really weird… Did anybody see his face?”

There were heads shaking all around. Only Abe and Marlena had seen it… and directly afterward John went out for a minute or so. “Well, I didn’t either, but I still say something happened to him and it had to do with that music,” stated Bo firmly. The fact that John didn’t remember it at all was a good indication that something beyond his control was happening.

Roman’s response was delayed, but finally he shared his opinion of the events of the day, “Bo.. I didn’t see it… but from the way Dimera was acting… you could be right. I was watching him and he had this evil gloating smile on his face, the one he gets when he has something planned and he thinks it’s going to work out exactly the way he hoped.”

“Oh, Roman, Bo… I pray that you’re wrong, that John is just tired and under stress because of Kristen’s death. I hate to see John suffer any more pain because of that man. My God… hasn’t he ruined enough lives?” asked the matriarch… Caroline Brady, feeling somewhat bitter about the whole experience.

There was nothing more to say at the moment. Stefano’s legacy was well known and needed no repeating. Sami and Eric stood in the background whispering back and forth. “His plans are already working, Eric… It won’t be long and Mom won’t want to be with John anymore. When Stefano is through him, he’ll be destroyed. She’ll leave him and Dad will be there to comfort her, and then… she’ll fall in love with him all over again,” Sami said happily.

She seemed confident, something he couldn’t quite feel and he reminded her of a salient point. “How can you be so sure, Sami? Everybody cares about John… even Dad… Besides… I don’t like us working with Stefano… he’s the one who caused all this pain in the first place, Sami… and he doesn’t want Mom and Dad together. He wants Mom for himself… he’s just playing with us… because he knows how much we want John out of Mom’s life.”

She nodded and smiled knowingly, having thought of it from the very first moment the proposal was made, “You’re exactly right, Eric… and I’ve got a plan to deal with it. As soon as John is well out of the picture.. we tell Dad… only we tell him *our* version… and then he catches Stefano and puts him in jail for what he’s done to John. If Stefano tells them about our part in it, no one will believe him. So, Dad gets to be the hero and Mom and Dad will get back together, and no one’s the wiser.”

“Sami… you’re a genius… ” She only smiled politely because she looked up to see their father fast approaching. For appearance’s sake they had to pretend to be all concerned for John’s well being.

Roman gave them a look…. and it asked the question before he uttered the words, “So, what kind of plan are you two hatching?” He was teasing, but then again, he wasn’t. Their father knew something was up and he wanted to know what it was. Sami flashed Eric a look that said, ‘Let me handle this one,’ to which he only nodded, recognizing that his twin was the master at talking herself out of trouble, especially when it came to convincing their Dad of her innocence. His blond hair blue eyed twin Samantha was Roman Brady’s weak spot, regardless of her track record.

It felt quite good to be going back to Salem. It had been such a long time since he’d been there. Shane Donovan didn’t like the circumstances but he was very much looking forward to seeing the people to whom he was once so strongly connected. Roman Brady, Abe Carver, John Black, Marlena Evans… and the city itself, the waterfront, the parks… the whole Midwestern town would always have a special place in his heart. And he had to admit to himself that part of the attraction of going back was the opportunity to play a major role in taking down the elusive mastermind Stefano Dimera.

Stepping out of the Boeing 727’s walkway and into the airport’s main terminal, Shane glanced all around him, acting as inconspicuously as possible. He knew he wasn’t followed out of England, but he wanted to make sure he wasn’t identified upon his arrival and was therefore wearing a disguise, his face bearing a very realistic beard and mustache, a beret tipped so it was covering most of his face. To top off the effect, he spoke with a slightly different accent, one of many skills he’d developed over the years. As the cabbie drove away from the curb, Shane was still working on the excuse he was going to give Abe and Roman, and later John, when they asked why he was in Salem. The old standard “in between assignments” line wasn’t good enough for those three. They would probe further until they ascertained the real reason. Maybe by that time, he would have developed a more reasonable explanation.

Before he knew it, the cab was pulling up to the hotel, not the Salem Inn, one a little more out of the way. The Salem Motor Lodge on the East side of town… definitely not on the beaten path and therefore the perfect place to meet Marlena without John knowing about it, or anyone else for that matter. Shane had called her and they were to meet at Midnight. He hoped she was alright to drive by herself… but decided that Marlena had been taking care of herself for quite a long time and would be just fine.

It was almost time to leave the house to meet her friend Shane, and Marlena was hesitant. John had been acting so strangely, so needy and she wondered how he would handle it if he awakened to find her gone, or what would happen if Stefano made another call while she was gone. Deciding that he wasn’t adversely affected in any significant way at this point, she set the alarm and locked the door, stepping quietly into the corridor. A short time later and she was in her car and on the way to the east side of Salem. When she really thought about what she was prepared to do, it frightened her immensely, but then she thought of the man she loved and focused on a gruesome image, one of him hanging from chains in that hideous dungeon at Maison Blanche. That was all it took to steel her nerves for the intricate and dangerous task that lay ahead, fooling Stefano Dimera and beating him at his own game. “You’re doing this for John… just don’t ever forget that… and you’ll be able to get through it, whatever it takes,” she was telling herself repeatedly. At last, she was at the motel and preparing to share her idea with a very talented ISA agent. He would know if her plan was feasible.

* * *
Abe and Roman were sitting in Abe’s office, shooting the breeze after having worked on some cases for most of the night. Roman was still lamenting Marlena’s choice and saying how weird John was acting lately and Abe was agreeing with that part of it, pleased to have something else to focus on, “Yea… he has been acting strangely, but I’m not sure what to make of it. Part of me thinks it has a lot more to do with Stefano than it does with John’s reaction to Kristen’s death.”

“But he did take it hard, didn’t he? I mean he was blaming himself right from the beginning, wasn’t he?” Roman asked curiously. He’d been wondering what was going on with his former rival even before the funeral.

“Yes, but Marlena said he got very drunk that night after he left the morgue… Roman, I can’t remember the last time he had more than two beers. It’s just not like him… I mean even when he lost..”

“Doc, you were going to say when he lost Doc…weren’t you?” Roman said quickly, not even thinking about the other possibilities.

He understood why Roman would think so, but it wasn’t accurate this time. Shaking his head, Abe said, “No…. actually, I was going to say even when he lost his identity… he was blown away by it and I never saw him get drunk over that… or over Isabella’s death either. He was in a bad way, but he didn’t turn to alcohol to deal with it. Why now?”

“I don’t know, partner… there’s a lot of things about this situation that don’t fit. I’m tellin’ you… the way Stefano was acting… it’s like he thinks he’s got everything under control. You know what I mean… it’s like he’s got the chess board set up and ready to go, and he knows exactly how to get to checkmate in a few short moves.”

“Mmm hmm… And you think the way John’s been acting is all part of it?” Abe asked, nodding as he remembered that day too, knowing the answer because it was what he was thinking as well.

Sitting up straighter in the chair, Roman asked assertively, “Don’t you? You’re the one that was standing next to him at the funeral. Tell me what you think after seeing John go blank like that.. and then losing it over Kristen.. What was that all about anyway?”

Abe nodded, his mind providing those memories almost immediately, “Okay, you’re right, the more I think about it, the more I realize that it was about something besides grieving over Kristen. I think Stefano is messing with John’s mind again and I think it started the night before the funeral… If it’s true, it would explain a lot.”

A third male voice entered the conversation, “Yes, it would…. And there’s something else you both need to know.”

They whirled around to see another Brady standing there. “Bo..” they said simultaneously. “What is it?”

“Well, I was over at John and Marlena’s place the other day to pick up something I left there the last time I was over. I bumped the button on their answering machine by accident, and I heard a few of the messages. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but after what happened at the funeral I got to thinking about it. One of them… was just some tape of classical music. John answered and then it sounded like he was just sitting there listening… I could hear him breathing, and at one point, he said something I couldn’t understand.. there was some noise in the background or something… I don’t know, but it was strange….”

“What do you make of it?” the other two asked him simultaneously.

A quiet eeriness pervaded the room, and then three of them said the name at the exact same moment, “Dimera.”

Bo sighed, wishing there was some reason not to believe the evil monster was plotting and scheming to hurt the man he still called big brother, “Oh.. man… I wonder what he’s planning this time? I mean, he’s been playing this reformed citizen bit to the hilt… why blow his so-called image now?” asked Bo, who stood in the doorway, but shut it upon mention of that bastard’s name, so as not to allow any of his people to eavesdrop.

Abe answered immediately, saying, “It’s simple, Bo.. Dimera hates John… he blamed him for Tony’s death. Now, he blames John for Kristen’s suicide too. It’s all about revenge.”

“Dammit! That sick bastard!” exclaimed Roman, thinking that no matter what he might feel about John as a rival, he didn’t deserve any more pain as a result of that monster’s evil machinations. “Well, whatever he’s got in mind for John, it’s already been set in motion and he thinks he has the upper hand. He thinks nobody knows what he’s doing.”

“And we don’t, I mean not really… a little classical music on an answering machine isn’t a lot to go on, big brother,” Bo reminded.

Reluctantly, Roman agreed, “No, it isn’t… Listen, do you think we should tell John and Marlena what we’re thinking right away or should we try to get something on Dimera first?”

“What? How can you even ask that? We’re talking about something we know next to nothing about. Who knows what that sick monster has already done to John’s mind. I think we should tell him immediately!” Abe stated with conviction.

“I can see your point, Abe, but I know John would want the chance to catch the bastard at his own game. Maybe there’s some way to tip John off about this without giving ourselves away to Stefano. If he finds out we’re on to him, he’ll back off and we won’t be able to nail him.”

“Yea.. and then he’ll come back to it some other time. We have to find some way to figure out exactly what he’s planning without him knowing we’re on to him. There’s got to be a way,” added Bo with intensity.

The night was so quiet and the occupants of the Penthouse were sleeping soundly when the shrill sound of the telephone awakened them. John sat bolt upright in bed and snatched the portable off its base on the bedside table, “Hello.. Black here…” John listened for the caller to respond, but found himself closing his weary eyes, prepared to return to sleep as soon as possible. Therefore, as the caller intended, he didn’t hang up the phone… he just listened. The music was soothing at first and it lulled him into a peaceful, vulnerable state of being.

There was a voice and it was calm and quiet, almost soothing in combination with the relaxing music, “John… are you listening? Do you hear my voice?”

“Yes… I’m listening…. I hear you… what do you want me to do?”

Stefano smiled malevolently… It was so comforting to know just how well the brainwashing had worked. The triggers were all there so far. “Good… now, I want you to let your mind wander…. Let it go back, John… back in time….”

“I remember….”

“What, John…. What do you remember?” He had to know which recollections were easily accessible and which memories might take a little more probing to recover. For his plan to work he had to spark just the right ones. This was a research expedition that was going to take some time, a luxury he could enjoy, since no one was the wiser.

Something about the music… it reminded him of another place and time… “The church bells…. I remember being in a church… I remember… praying…”

“Good, John… very good… now, do you remember why you were praying… were you upset about something… something that you might have done?”

In combination with the music, that was all it took to stimulate the painful memories… “Yes… I remember… I…. I… betrayed my vows… and I.. I did such.. horrible things… I hurt people… I hurt so many people….”

The wicked laugh was hard to squelch… it was begging to be expressed. A little music and a few leading questions and John was ripe for the picking, his mind open and vulnerable to his master’s manipulative powers. “Yes, John… and it was tragic, wasn’t it? Your mistake cost the lives of some of the people you loved, didn’t it?”

By now the tears were forming behind his remorseful eyes and his voice was shaking with sadness, “Yes…. Yes, it did… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean for it to happen..”

“I know you didn’t…. but the fact is it did…. And you still feel the pain, don’t you, John?”

“Yes… I was supposed to be… good and caring… but I violated their trust…”

His plans were working perfectly… John had no memory of being controlled by another at that time; he felt totally responsible for his actions. Perfect. Now it was time to leave him in that state of mind again. “Yes you did… how does that make you feel, John?”

That was the trigger for his guilty sadness and the tears began to flow, “I feel so.. guilty… I.. I should have told someone… I should have left the Priesthood.”

“But you didn’t did you, John… you kept right on playing the role, you continued lying, didn’t you?”

Highly distressed, he tried to defend himself against condemnation, “Because it was the only life I knew.. I couldn’t leave it… I would have been.. so alone.. I just… couldn’t do it, I’m so sorry…”

John was right where Stefano wanted him, distraught and remorseful… and it was time to cut out the details again. “Alright.. it’s alright… just focus on the music again, John… listen very carefully… Are you listening now, John?”

“Yes…I can hear it…” John was struggling to regain his emotional balance, but was obedient to the caller’s directives; in such a state of mind, he had no choice.

Stefano marveled at how easy it was to resume his control over John’s mind and hopefully, soon his pawn’s entire life. It was a step by step process, but the first few tasks had been accomplished with minimal effort. “Remember how you feel now, John… remember only the emotions, not the events… just the feelings.”

His victim was silent except for the soft weeping for the pain he’d caused, some of which was quite vague in his recollections. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for what I did!” John cried out guiltily.

John was so susceptible to the techniques of mind control after so many years that Stefano was literally amazed and he made a mental note to thank Rolf next time they spoke. He thought he might enjoy his power over the man even more this time around. “Very good, John… you’re doing very well. Keep focusing on the music… “

The sounds of his victim’s light sobbing were audible through the telephone and it was precisely at that moment when Stefano planned to hang up, that he heard something in the background. It was another voice, “Daddy, why are you crying? What’s wrong, Daddy?” said two little concerned voices. Panic set in and the caller broke the connection immediately.

“Here, Belle… give me the phone and I’ll see who’s there.” His sister complied instantly and Brady put it to his ear. He heard nothing and so said, “Hello… hello, is anybody there?”

Still nothing, so the little boy placed the phone back in the stand, and turned to look at his father, who was sitting up in bed crying silent tears now. Belle was trying to hug her Daddy, but his arms didn’t move from their place at his sides. Brady shook his Dad’s right shoulder in an attempt to redirect his attention from whatever was upsetting him so much, saying loudly, “Daddy… Daddy! Wake up, I think you’re dreaming.”

After an agonizingly long delay, John’s eyes fluttered several times and he seemed to come to some level of awareness and replied, his voice trembling, “Oh… Brady, Belle.. what’s going on?” he asked, surprised to see them and to feel moisture slipping quietly down the length of his cheeks.

“We heard you talking to someone… you seemed kinda upset, so we came in to find out what was wrong, and you were just sitting here, crying. Why were you so upset, Daddy?” asked his son, still concerned about what he saw in his father’s moist, slightly vacant eyes. There was something very different about him, but the little boy couldn’t have explained it if he tried. It was just, not right.

John’s response was slow in coming, and he was just as puzzled as they were about the situation, “Uh… I don’t know… I..uh, I’m not sure honey… but I guess I must have been… dreaming.”

Belle was still concerned as well, and she put her tiny little arms around him as she said kindly, “Well, I bet it was a really sad dream Daddy… but everything’s going to be okay… don’t worry.”

“Yea… everything is okay, I’ll be fine,” he was saying, still dazed but beginning to feel more like normal as the seconds ticked off the clock. “Except.. where is Mommy?” he asked, suddenly aware of her absence, scanning the room for her presence and listening for some sign of her.

Brady shrugged and said calmly, “I don’t know… maybe she got hungry in the night and went downstairs for a snack.”

John practically jumped off the bed and went to check, feeling the strong need for her arms around him. He searched the condo and she was nowhere to be found. It was almost 2:00 Am and his fiance was not home. The questions started to come as the realization set in. Where could she be? Why would she go out so late? If something had happened to her, how would he find her?”

“Where’s Mommy? How come she’s not home with us?”

“I don’t know, Slugger… I really don’t know…but I’m going to try to find out. For now.. let’s all go back to bed. I’m sure Mommy is just fine and she’ll be back very soon,” he finished, hoping what he was said was the truth.

The kids had no reason not to believe him, so they were content to go up the stairs and crawl into bed with their Daddy. John felt the need to snuggle them up, and they secretly believed he needed them after having such an upsetting dream. John was in the middle of the bed, flanked by his two little cherubs, Belle on his right and Brady on his left. Drawing them in toward his body, he tried to shake off the aftereffects of the telephone call, the specifics of which, he was no longer aware. All he knew was that he felt terribly guilty about having hurt people, about betraying a trust somehow. He searched his brain, but there was no memory to explain his feelings. If it were a bad dream, he couldn’t recapture its images. The whole experience left his head throbbing with pain and his mind a mass of confusion. After about half an hour or so, he finally drifted off to a fitful sleep, still pondering where Marlena was, and what could have transpired that would leave him so distressed that the mournful sounds he made would awaken his children.

After the hello’s had been spoken and the hugs given, Shane got right to the matter at hand. “Alright Marlena, now that we’ve dispensed with the greetings, suppose you tell me what has you so concerned for John,” Shane was saying to his friend as they settled down for a long night of talk.

After taking a deep breath and letting it out, she began to tell the story, “Well, Shane it all started with Kristen’s suicide. John took it very hard. He blames himself for not seeing how desperate and lonely she was, how isolated she’d become. He thinks he should have been able to save her and he feels horrible about what happened. Shane, when she killed herself.. she was watching home videos of the two of them with the baby… and he can’t seem to let go of the idea that if he hadn’t been so tough on her, she would still be alive.”

“I can understand that, he’s always been that way to some degree, feeling responsible for the pain other people experience… as long as he is involved in some way… but from what I’ve heard and seen, she did some horrible things to hurt you both. She lied to you about his feelings, to him about the baby, she told Stefano what plane you were on, and then the worst part….locking you up in that… secret room at the mansion, letting everyone think it was Stefano who had taken you…”

She felt a shiver run up and down her spine as those memories returned, and she shuddered visibly. Her friend apologized with his warm eyes, wishing he hadn’t reminded her. Shaking that reaction off, Marlena responded quickly, “Yes, she did and I’ve been trying hard to make sure he remembers all of that, Shane, but his feeling guilty…that’s not all there is to it. At the funeral, he was acting very strangely… he was standing next to Abe when this dark instrumental music piece began to play… Abe said he went blank… just shut his eyes tight at first. Then he was standing there staring at the coffin, his eyelids fluttering, like he was in some kind of a trance… and then when it was over, he became… I don’t know.. I guess you could say almost hysterical, leaning over her body in the coffin, crying out and apologizing for not helping her.”

Marlena glanced at her friend and it was clear from hjs quizzical expression that he shared her same response to the episode… it wasn’t like the John he remembered. “Shane, he was so upset and we guided him over to one of the pews to sit down, and he passed out for a moment or two. Then, when he came back around, he didn’t remember any of it happening. He says it was probably because he hadn’t slept or eaten right in a few days and he wouldn’t let Mike run any tests.”

Shane was walking around and thinking about what she’d described, nodding his head, confirming her assumption about the source of John’s problems. “Well, it certainly sounds like it could be Stefano’s doing. What was it that happened yesterday that caused you to ring me, Marlena?” Shane asked, sounding like the old familiar Englishman.

Her mind called up the next memory in a chain of events she was still putting together for herself, a chain that lead straight to Stefano Dimera. Her discomfited sigh indicated her fears. “We got a phone call, Shane. John answered, but I picked it up at about the same time. There was nothing but classical music on the line at that moment. John wasn’t saying anything and neither did the caller.” She stopped for a second or two, considering the alternatives… “Shane, the more I think about it, the more I believe it was Stefano… when I hung up… John didn’t know who had called or what it was about and he became so emotional again, like he did that night we went to the morgue.. Oh, I forgot, I didn’t tell you about that yet, did I?” she finished, still puzzled by that situation.

“No, you didn’t.. what happened then?” her friend inquired curiously.

Suddenly feeling a little unsettled about the whole affair, Marlena went over toward the window and peered out into the dark night sky, wishing it all away. “Well, we went to the morgue so he could see her body. I thought it was important for him to have closure, to give him a chance to settle with the fact that she was really dead. It was difficult for him but he was alright until Stefano made his appearance. He was blaming John for Kristen’s death, saying John killed her just like he killed Tony.” Turning back toward her listener to make eye contact in order to read his reaction, she continued, “Shane, he’s been so… insecure and guilt ridden. At first I thought it was about my wavering in my decision between he and Roman and then with Kristen’s death so soon afterward, but now.. I don’t think so… I think whatever is happening to John is all part of some master plan of Stefano’s.”

Shane crossed the room several times without saying a word, taking it all in… considering other explanations. “I think you’re probably right, Marlena… tell me more about the night you went to see Dimera. Tell me exactly what he said and what happened right after that.”

Glad for his objectivity, she paused long enough to formulate her thoughts and then launched into it, leaning against the desk for support. “Okay…. I was so worried about John… he got upset and left the station saying he needed to be alone for awhile. I wanted to go after him because I was frightened of what he might do, that he might be hurt or something. Abe convinced me to let him go and I did. I was planning to go straight home, but then I got this idea that maybe if I were to go to Stefano and appeal to the part of him that wanted my approval, my trust, that he might back off and leave John alone long enough for him to regain his balance. So, I asked Stefano to stop blaming John… I confronted him with the fact that Tony and Kristen were dead ultimately because of his choices and his example of using lies and manipulation to get what he wanted in life.”

Marveling at her gumption, Shane shook his head and then had to ask the next logical question, “So, what did he say to all of that?”

It was odd but the recollection actually brought a strange sort of smile to her face. “As you might imagine… he started to turn me down. He said that John was responsible for taking his children from him…that he’d never treat John differently. At some point, I said I was leaving, that his supposed transformation didn’t mean a thing if he didn’t honor my wishes… and that everyone who said I shouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt was right all along. “

And he changed his tune, so to speak..” Shane replied, nodding his head as he envisioned the scene unfolding.

“Yes… Shane I really thought that I’d gotten to him that night, that he was willing to try…because he genuinely wanted my respect, but now…” She hated being taken in by the man in even the smallest of ways.

It was his turn to stare out into the darkness and contemplate what he’d been told. The pieces were coming together in his investigative mind, and Shane shared the conclusion he thought she was about to reveal. “Now, you think he was just manipulating you into believing he was changing, when all along he was working on some other plan to cause problems for John, and the fact that you had come to him was just a convenient way to start it off.”

She sighed wearily and sat back down on the bed with a thump, thinking how easily fooled she had been by his unconventional charm, “Yes, I do… Shane, you should have seen John when I got home. He was drunk… he was upset, even crying… so full of remorse… and so needy. Shane, he just… wasn’t himself at all… At the time, I thought it was just his guilty grief, but now I think that night was when it started…”

“You’re probably right, Marlena. It’s just Dimera’s style to play both sides of a situation. Well, now that we’ve established that Stefano has already set something in motion, why don’t you explain your theory on what that might be and describe this idea you have to catch him.”

“Alright… basically.. I think it’s possible he’s planning to make it appear as though John is losing his mind… that he’s emotionally distraught over Kristen’s death… And, I think he plans to take advantage of John’s vulnerability and regain control over his life, somehow. Ultimately, I think he wants to destroy John as payback for losing Kristen and Tony.”

“That certainly sounds like the kind of plan Stefano would devise and it fits with what you’ve explained so far. But, Marlena, he’s extremely clever and well practiced at this, what makes you think you can take him down, that you can fool him?”

“Well, I know how much he wants my..friendship, how much he values my… respect, if you will, and I can use that desire against him.”

Blowing out a long breath, her old friend sat down next to her and gave a necessary reminder, “That’s a very dangerous game to be playing. Why don’t you want to tell John and the others? This is his life you’re talking about here.”

She was frightened, but she was equally determined to remove the man from their lives, to stop him from hurting the man she loved again. What better way was there than to beat him at his own game? With admirable strength, she admitted to the fear, but also demonstrated her courage, “I know that… and I’ve thought a lot about it… I know it’s a big risk, for all of us, but if I tell them, he’ll go storming over there and ruin everything. Stefano will back off for awhile and then, when we’ve finally begun to relax, he’ll start it all over again. Shane, he has to be stopped and I honestly believe I’m the one in the best position to do it.”

“Marlena… you maybe right… but at what cost? What would John say about your putting yourself in harm’s way? About lying to him, hiding things from him… I don’t think he’d be too happy about it, do you?” Shane challenged, knowing she needed to consider all the ramifications of her choice.

She was imagining some moment in which John learned of her plans, sometime when it was too late to turn back, and he would be forced to go along with her if he ever hoped to eliminate the monster’s threat to them, “Oh, Shane..of course he wouldn’t, but I don’t think we have a choice if we ever want to see the end of the terror Stefano has brought to all of our lives.”

Perhaps you’re right… Allright then… how do you propose to go about fooling John, Roman *and* Bo into believing you’ve actually started to befriend the man you all loathe, without upsetting John so much that he storms over there anyway? He’s bound to think Dimera has something on you, Marlena and if he can’t get it out of you, he’s going to go straight to the source and confront Stefano.”

“I haven’t worked out all the details, Shane..I was hoping you would be able to help me with that part of it,” she finished with a weak smile. “Please…”

He returned her smile this time and gave her right hand a reassuring squeeze, saying, “Of course, Marlena… of course I will. I want to see you take him down for all the pain he’s caused. I just hate the thought that it might cause other problems for you and John. You’ve both been through enough because of that.. monster.” All she could do was nod her head in agreement. What her friend said was true, but, she believed they had to eliminate Stefano Dimera as a threat. And if the only way to do that caused some strain in the relationship, she had to believe their love was strong enough to sustain them and overcome the difficulties, once the truth was revealed.

An hour later, she was stepping inside the relative comfort of her own home, thankful for Shane’s perspective and sage advice on the whole scenario. She was nervous but confident in her plans to fool Stefano and deal with the other’s natural suspicions about her pretense of friendship with the man. As she was resetting the alarm, she thought she heard something. When she completed the task, it was quiet again and she thought she was just being overly sensitive. However, as she climbed the stairs and approached the bedroom, she knew she’d been correct originally.

“No… that’s not who I am… No, I wouldn’t do that… It just.. can’t be! I was a good Priest.. no… NO!”

There was such anguish in his voice… such despair. She rushed into the master suite and went to him… sitting next to him on the bed, grasping his shoulders lightly and speaking softly so as not to startle him. “Honey… you’re dreaming… it’s okay.. wake up, sweetheart…” There was no response at first, as he was immersed in the experience…

“I….I’m sorry…. Oh, God.. I’m so sorry!” he cried. Whatever it was, he was terribly guilt ridden about it.

As she pondered what could upset him so, she shook him again, a little harder this time. “John… wake up, honey… you’re dreaming… there’s nothing to be sorry for… come on, sweety…”

Suddenly, his eyes flew open and he seemed to realize his mind had been in a dream state, that maybe it wasn’t a real memory… His eyelids fluttered and he struggled for full awareness…. “Doc?” he questioned, still uncertain of his whereabouts.

“Yes honey… it’s me… I’m here.. everything is okay….” She watched him closely, wondering what might have transpired while she was out. “Honey… are you alright?” she asked worriedly, knowing that if Stefano had called, John would have no conscious memory of it.

He nodded… and sighed, feeling the pressure of the heavy weight he carried, his shoulders slumped in response. “Yea… I’m okay, I guess I was just…dreaming,” he said, his tone somewhat absent and devoid of emotion. When he realized he was the object of her concern, he looked up and offered a weak smile of reassurance, hoping it was enough to stop her from worrying about him again.

“John… do you remember it? The details I mean?” she asked, the psychiatrist inside fascinated by the process, the woman who loved this man mortified at what Stefano might have forced him to do when John was under the madman’s complete control.

Shaking his head, he replied simply, “No.. no details…just…” He stopped short, his hands moving to the sides of his head… “Oh..” he groaned, wincing in response to the sharp stabbing pain inside.

“John… what’s wrong…” Again, she observed him closely, this time as a worried fiancee…When he didn’t answer and seemed to be in significant discomfort, she touched him on the right shoulder to capture his attention.

His voice didn’t match his words… he knew it but there wasn’t anything to be done about it. “Just a headache… nothing to worry about, Doc. I’m.. fine.”

She had to confront that untruth, concerned about his mental and physical health, “No you’re not fine, John… from the look on your face just now… you were in a lot of pain for a minute there.”

John stood up abruptly, snapping at her, “I *said* it was just a headache…. leave it alone, Doc!” Then realizing he’d been too loud and harsh, he softened his tone, “Please… I just.. had a bad dream and now I have a little headache, but I’ll be fine… okay?” he said with a forced smile on his face as he headed over toward the bathroom.

She nodded and watched him walk away from her. The interaction left her feeling hurt and more worried than ever, and at the same time, even more convinced that she had to do something to stop Stefano from hurting the man she loved again. “Oh, John… I hope I have the ability and the courage to do what it takes to stop him… and that our love is strong enough to handle what lies ahead as a result of my decision.”

* * *
Bart was taking his sweet time as he drove toward the Dimera Mansion, wondering what kind of mood the Old Man was in on this particular night. One never knew… if he believed he had the upper hand, that he was moving into position for the kill, Stefano was actually quite interesting to be around, even pleasant. However, if he were losing ground somehow., Bart didn’t want to be anywhere near the man. ‘Well, at least I have some good news for him… that should help,’ he thought, as he approached the gate at the main entrance.


Looking out the window of the terrace, marveling at the soft array of pastels at sunrise, she sighed and then allowed a slightly apprehensive smile to creep across her face as she took another sip of coffee. At last, a new day was dawning. The funeral was over and they could get on with their lives. Marlena knew that their problems were far from over, but at least now, Kristen was no longer a direct obstacle to their union in marriage. Planning a wedding would give everyone something positive to focus on, which was a very good thing, considering the plans Marlena knew Stefano was making to stop them from accomplishing that very task. She pondered what his latest scheme entailed, even as she thought about the next step in her own. Truth be told, it was actually kind of enticing, the idea of turning the tables on him using his own techniques, acquired from years of experience as the object of his obsession. How sweet it would be to see the look of utter disbelief on the madman’s face when she was the one who took him down, once and for all. It was the ultimate in payback.

John was in the shower, trying to clear his head of a myriad of jumbled images from his recent dreams, letting the hot water wash away the cobwebs. The pictures and words were all mixed up and none of them substantive, but they left him feeling so unsettled about his past. Just what *had* he done for Dimera and for how long was he under the man’s direct or even indirect control? Was he really a Priest or was that a manufactured identity, just as the Roman Brady persona was… Was he really just a “Pawn” in the man’s elaborate game of chess… and if so, what other roles had he played… Was he dangerous? Had he killed for the man? Could it happen again, like the monster seemed to hint at from time to time? It was so damn frustrating not to remember, not to know. Here he was getting ready to plan a wedding to the woman of his dreams and he couldn’t remember his past, couldn’t give her the assurance of his identity and a solid history to go along with it. His life was an intricately complicated puzzle with most of the pieces missing. More than anything, he wanted to give her the complete picture. He wanted her and the children to be certain that they could depend on him when they really needed him, but he couldn’t do that, not yet.

Therefore, he had come to a decision… to pursue his past through hypnosis again, only this time he wasn’t going to ask Marlena to conduct the sessions. He knew it made her uncomfortable for several different reasons, one of which was the issue of a doctor treating her own family member. It wasn’t such a good idea and ever since the confrontation at Salem Place with Stefano just before Kristen’s death, Doc was skittish when it came to talking about his past. So, John determined that he would work with another therapist and then when he had some reasonable results, he would go to her with them. Today was the day it was to begin. He’d been listening closely when Marlena mentioned the names of other respected therapists and he’d chosen one she highly regarded to perform the hypnosis.

Doctor Paul Travers, Phd. He was a Psychologist in private practice who specialized in working with repressed memory and sufferers of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. John remembered Marlena saying that she often referred some of her patients who had suffered significant trauma to him, believing that once they were able to recall their experiences, she would be better able to provide more traditional therapy, which was her first love. At any given time, that would describe a third of her caseload. John looked at the appointment card, feeling a little guilty that he was pursuing it without telling Marlena what he was doing. In the end, he confirmed his original thought… that it was best he didn’t say anything about it until he had some results to share with her. She didn’t need to worry for him unnecessarily… She’d been under enough stress from the pressure Sami and Eric were putting on her about her choice between the two men in her life. Now, she needed his love and affection and as little stress as possible. Maybe if he learned about his past, they could both be at peace with it before they tied the symbolic knot. What a great wedding present that assurance would make, he thought, as he stepped out of the shower and glanced at the steamy mirror. It brought back some painful memories…. Looking into a mirror but not knowing who it was that stared back at him. In some moments, he still felt that way… there were just so many missing memories… years full of experiences he couldn’t recount. It was such a mystery and he wanted it uncovered.

* * *
Marlena realized that it was time to make good on her promise to have a meal in public with Stefano Dimera and today was the perfect day, since John had some appointment about which he wouldn’t divulge the details. She assumed it had something to do with wedding arrangements and didn’t push it. Besides, it meant that she was free to have lunch with Salem’s newest philanthropist, the supposedly reformed criminal mastermind, without John knowing beforehand. She knew it wasn’t something she could hide from John after the fact, but at least he couldn’t stop her from going. Stefano hadn’t yet done as he’d promised, but she had to give him the benefit of the doubt because John wasn’t himself at the funeral. And, therefore, Stefano never had the opportunity to apologize to him as he stated the night before that he would. Wanting to advance her own strategy, she decided to give him that chance. Taking a deep breath, she picked up the telephone to call the man at his mansion.

Stefano Dimera, megalomaniac, consummate manipulator of hearts and minds, and opera aficionado sat listening to one of his favorite arias while staring at the marble chess board, contemplating his next move. Picking up one of the front line pieces, he spoke of his plans out loud, “Oh, my Pawn… all this time, you’ve thought I had no more control over your life, or your mind…and it does appear so… But, you are sorely mistaken, John Black… you are meant to do my bidding.. and when I want to use you for my purposes, I will once again take control…but first I will.. destroy your happiness…. How quickly it’s happening… and how defenseless you are… HA HA HA!”

The phone was ringing and he never even heard it… It took Bart three times to get his attention.. “Boss… there’s a call for you… It’s Dr. Evans.”

“Ah… right on schedule… I’ll take in here, Bart, thank you…” Things were flowing so smoothly now… all his plans coming together. They’d located Susan and the baby… and now it was time to make a gentle move toward the opponent’s Queen. “Ah… Marlena… it’s so good to hear from you. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Stefano… I’ll just get right to the point here, I want you to make good on your promise to apologize to John for what you said to him at the morgue.”

He squelched a laugh, and replied casually, “Oh, that… well, I was planning to do so at Kristen’s funeral, but poor John… he became so distraught and there just wasn’t time before you whisked him away… What would you have me do?”

Ignoring his taunting about John’s difficulties, she wasted no time, “That’s why I called you, Stefano, I’m meeting him for coffee later this morning and you could just.. happen to be there…We’ll be at Johnny Angel’s around 11:00… can you make it?”

“Oh.. well, I was thinking of something else, but that would be fine… Would you perhaps be free for lunch afterward…You made a promise also… did you not?”

He was so quick. Knowing it was something she had to do, Marlena reluctantly agreed to dine with a monster, reminded of her little girl’s latest favorite Disney film, aptly titled Beauty and the Beast. “Yes, I did… that will be fine, Stefano… John has an early afternoon appointment and then I have some business to take care of at the hospital. I’ll be free at 1:00.”

“How coincidental, I will be free at that time as well… I would like to take you to a new restaurant along the river, if that is suitable… It’s called Antonio’s… it’s got a terrific view of the river, a wonderful menu of authentic Italian food… I think you’ll enjoy the atmosphere…” what he didn’t ad was what she was thinking, ‘if not the company.’ It almost made her laugh.

“Let’s not make this more than it is, Stefano..” she cautioned, hearing the slight change in his tone, as if he were considering it a date.

“Oh, no.. I understand… you’re willing to go out with me as a gesture of support for my change of ways… to let the people of Salem know you support me in trying to become a good citizen, and nothing more. “

“Good, as long as we’re clear on that, everything will be fine. I am not guaranteeing a lifelong friendship here, Stefano. It’s just one lunch…”

“Yes, Marlena… it is a simple lunch between cautious former adversaries, that is all. However, I do hope to prove to you that what I’ve been saying is the truth… that I intend to change my life completely… to do business honestly, and to become a respected member of Salem Society.”

She wanted to scream at him that she knew what he was up to… using her to get to John, knowing that everything he was doing was designed to cause problems for the two of them and to gain control over John at some point. She was proud of her ability to keep the contempt she felt from impacting her voice, saying, “Well, that all remains to be seen, Stefano. Anyway, I’ll see you at 1:00. I’ll meet you at pier 29 and we can go from there.”

“Yes, I shall look forward to it with great anticipation, Marlena. ” His calm unwavering tones sent shivers up and down her spine. He could lie so easily, without a second’s hesitation or regret for deceiving people or hurting them. Stefano had no such intentions; he wanted to give off the appearance of experiencing the changes without the substance. He was putting up a façade and behind it lay a plot to hurt the man Marlena loved. She would do whatever it took to put those malicious plans asunder.

When she had to be, she could be just as cool, “Alright then, goodbye.”

“Goodbye, fair Marlena…” When he hung up the phone his face bore the smile of madman who was enjoying every moment of his evil scheming. Imagining the moment when John learned he’d had lunch with his fiance… that she willingly agreed to meet his archenemy, a man he hated with a passion. “Oh, John.. what I wouldn’t give to see that…”

* * *
John sat in the waiting room of the private psychiatric clinic where Dr. Travers practiced, thinking about the strange conversation he’d shared with Marlena slightly more than an hour ago. She was so.. fidgety, nervous… and she couldn’t tell him why, just said it was because of a stressful caseload, which was probably true. But it seemed like more than that… especially when he asked her what she was doing for lunch since he couldn’t make it… “Oh, nothing much… I have so much work to do, I’ll probably get a sandwich and eat it at my desk. How about you?” she asked him, just to throw the ball back in his court.

“Uh… yea… something like that… or I’ll grab a burger on the way to my appointment.”

“John… is it about the wedding?”

Indirectly it was.. but he was less than certain in his reply, “Uh… well… actually… yes.. it is as a matter of fact. What I’m doing today has a lot to do with our upcoming wedding… and it’s a surprise… I hope you’ll like it when it’s ready.”

He was being so mysterious about it all and it left her to wonder… Just what was he up to? Of course, he might be thinking the same thing, based on her behavior of date. Both of them were keeping secrets, justifying them in their minds as ultimately beneficial to the other, not allowing themselves to consider the potentially devastating consequences of their decisions, should something go wrong.

She smiled warmly and replied with a delayed response, “Yes, I hope so too, honey…. Well, I better be going… I’ll see you at home later today… okay?” she asked, leaning in to give him a peck on the cheek.

“Okay.. Marlena… I’ll see you later… good luck at the office.”

“You too…” She was so eager to leave him… was it really because of such a busy caseload… and that whole scene with Dimera… what the hell was that all about? Why’d he do it? The Old Man’s got something going, that’s for sure…’ John was thinking when he felt someone touching his left shirt sleeve, snapping him to attention.

“Mr. Black… the Doctor will see you now,” said the kind looking older woman with slightly graying hair and warm brown eyes.

“Oh, yes.. I’m sorry… I didn’t hear you,” John said with a slightly embarrassed smile as he stood up to address her.

“That’s quite alright… please step this way,” she said ushering him through the metal door… John shuddered briefly… feeling a sense of dread rush thought his body… and briefly contemplated abandoning the whole idea. “Maybe I should tell Doc what I’m doing… I mean… maybe it’s important for her to know…..but then again… I don’t want her to worry either… but there’s no turning back for right now….. we’ll just have to see what happens after this first session.’

The woman pointed into one of the offices and he stepped inside… The man rose to meet him, “Hello, John.. I’m Paul Travers… I’ve heard all about you… it’s nice to finally meet the man who has done so many good things for the city of Salem.”

John actually blushed at the compliment, totally unexpected as it was, “Oh, I uh… well, it’s nice to meet you too. I’ve uh… heard about the work you do… “

“Oh, from whom, may I ask?” he said, curiously.

“From my fiance actually, she says you’ve done some wonderful work with some of her patients.”

“Oh, Doctor Evans… yes, she’s referred several patients to me.. We have a good rapport. Did she send you to me…”

Shrugging his shoulders and smiling rather sheepishly, he admitted the truth, “Uh, no… I uh… didn’t tell her I was coming to see you.”

“Oh, I see… ” He worked at not sounding like he didn’t think it was a good idea to keep something like this a secret, but there was a hint of disapproval in his tone.

John responded to that underlying unspoken comment, ” Well, I.. I just… don’t want to worry her… you know and.. I figured on telling her something when there’s something specific that I’ve learned.”

“Alright… John, I’m sorry… it’s none of my business. It’s your decision and I assure you that whatever we deal with in these sessions will remain between us. The only time I ever violate doctor patient confidentiality is when I am greatly concerned for the safety of my patient or others around them.”

John’s mouth curled into a slight frown as he pursued clarification, “You mean if someone is suicidal or something?”

“Yes… or.. homicidal.. or just at great risk because of their fragile mental state.”

John almost smiled at the thought and wanted to reassure the man that he would never have any of those concerns about his newest patient… “Well, you don’t have to worry about any of that in this case… I’m doing just fine…” he said to deny any real problems while at the same time wondering about the instances when he felt so strange and disoriented… so emotionally out of control… but he didn’t let on.

 

“Good, then we can get started… ” the doctor said, smiling pleasantly. To start the session off in earnest, the doctor picked up the beginnings of a file that his secretary had begun for him saying, “I see from your file here that you’re here because you want to have me put you under hypnosis to recover some lost memories.”

“Yes… that’s right…” John said, settling himself in the leather chair across from the large mahogany desk that reminded him of something… he just couldn’t figure out what… Dismissing it as nerves, he asked a pertinent question, ” Did you get the records I asked to have transferred over here?”

Flipping through the few pages that were there, he replied with a frustrated sigh, “No… there seems to have been a delay… it’s not uncommon… but that’s alright.. I’d like to hear the story from you, John….if you don’t mind telling me… Why are you here today… and what happened that you lost so much of your memory?”

John blew out a long sigh.. wishing he could avoid the retelling of a very long and painful history in order to explain why this was so important. “Well, this is probably going to take most of the session, so I’ll give you the Reader’s Digest version… It all started when I arrived in Salem… or at least, that’s when my memory starts…It was sometime around the end of 1985 that I woke up with bandages on my face.. and I had no idea where I was, what I was doing there or even who I was… “

The man’s face bore the look of surprise and his eyes indicated that he was intrigued. He nodded and John continued to reveal his arduous journey toward the present moment, hoping that this time he would finally uncover the secrets of his lost years. If he did, he could marry Marlena in peace. It was John’s staunch belief that knowing what had come before would allow them to settle down into the life that was meant to be from the outset. Despite that belief, there was an indefinable uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach as he imagined what might be buried deep within his subconscious mind, and what it would take to break down the barriers Stefano had placed to keep him from recapturing nearly a lifetime of memories.

* * *
Marlena was in her car, headed toward the pier, thinking of the way John had been acting during their time together earlier that morning… It was as if he had something to tell her, but wasn’t quite sure whether he should. And she spoke out loud, “Oh, John… what is this appointment of yours… what kind of surprises are you cooking up?”

The more she thought about the whole thing, the more nervous she became. Pulling out her cell phone, she dialed Shane’s number… “Shane.. it’s me.”

Relieved, he wasted no time, asking for a report on her progress, feeling a little left out, “Marlena, where are you… and how’s it going so far?”

“Well, I’m on my way to have lunch with Stefano…he followed through and apologized to John this morning…. “

“He did? That’s a shocker… I bet that was an interesting moment, to say the least,” he said, wishing he were there to see it.

“Yes, it was… you should have seen the two of them, Shane… it reminded me of high school…with the two best athletes trying to impress the prom queen.. But, he said the words and John… begrudgingly accepted them because I asked him to, and that’s all that matters, for now. On the surface we have an uneasy truce… and I don’t want to talk about what’s really going on because I need to concentrate. I’ll give you an update when we’re finished… Did you come up with anything else that will help us.. maybe from the answering machine tape?”

“I’m just getting down to business on that… trying to find something that will prove it’s Dimera… I highly doubt it… though. I wish I could be more hopeful about that, but the only way we’re going to get him is to catch him in the act… which is what we’re working on right now.. So, if you can’t enjoy the company.. at least have a nice lunch, Marlena.”

Quickly approaching the parking area for the Waterfront district, she prepared to hang up and concentrate on her strategy for the next hour or so… “Oh… yes, I intend to…and this afternoon is going to be.. enlightening, or at least I hope so.”

John was fidgeting in the chair.. nervous and a little agitated, feeling generally out of sorts. After all, he’d just told the whole convoluted story to a total stranger, someone whose job it was to help him sort things through. However much relief he felt to have found someone…for a split second, he thought about bolting from the room and abandoning the attempt to recover his lost years, leaving it all behind him forever. But, then considering that it wasn’t really possible, he waited as the psychologist commented on what his patient had just related, “Okay, John… now I understand what happened to you.. as much as I can… and it sounds so bizarre… so unbelievable.. How have you managed to do so well in dealing with it over the years? It must be so unsettling not to know about most of your life.”

Another sigh escaped before he replied verbally, something he seemed to do often of late.. “Yea.. it is… I guess I try not to think about it too much.”

“Hmm… and does that work for you?”

“Sometimes…”

“And others?”

John smiled apprehensively, realizing that this man had definitely worked with trauma survivors and had a good handle on the broad range of emotions they experienced. “Sometimes, I get so damn frustrated I want to… I don’t know.. break things…. go after Dimera and try to choke the truth out of him.”

“I can definitely understand how you might feel that way.. So, what stops you?”

That was an easy one.. Sitting forward, John replied without hesitation, “My love for Marlena… and hers for me.. she keeps me sane.”

Although it went without saying, Dr. Travers restated the obvious, “You love her very much….”

Nodding, he confirmed it, “Yes… I’d do anything for her… “

“Including try to find out about your past so you can be sure you won’t cause her any more pain. Am I right? Is that why you’re here today, John?” he offered tentatively, not wanting to put words in the patient’s mouth.

“Yes…. I want to know… don’t get me wrong… but the real reason is so that when she walks down that aisle to me…she can be sure of who she’s marrying. I want to give her my past as a wedding present.. her and the kids.”

The therapist only nodded at first, pausing long enough to make the next query exactly as he wanted, “John.. what if you learn some things you don’t like… what if what you did for Stefano Dimera is horrible, and so… unlike the John you know yourself to be… what will you do then?”

He was nodding, “You mean like… what am I going to do if I… ” then he stopped short, wondering if he should reveal it.

“Just say it, John… you’re safe here and what you tell me is confidential.. you know that.”

“Yea… that’s the one thing I really do know about therapy… Doc has sure talked about it enough…”

“Well then… why don’t you just put it out there, John… I can see that there’s something important on your mind and it’s been bothering you for a long time.”

“I sure don’t pretend to understand how you docs do that… how you figure people out like this… but you’re right.. there is something that’s been bothering me… I wonder just what I did for him…and sometimes… I’ve had these vague images… of things I’ve done… terrible things…violent things maybe…”

“Like what, John….”

“Like… killing people….. I’m worried that I’ve killed for Dimera… that I was a gun for hire.. a mercenary or something like that.. I don’t know really…”

“And what would that mean for you… if you found out for certain that you had killed someone or even more than one person… while under his control?”

John was shaking his head, as he stood up, unable to remain seated and discuss something so uncomfortable without some movement… “I don’t know… Maybe we could get past it… together… Doc always says she can handle what’s in my past… and I always told her I could handle anything, as long as I knew she was standing by my side… “

“But…”

“But….the truth is… I’m not..sure… “

“Sure of her or sure of you?”

He shook his head and chuckled lightly, almost against his will, before meeting the man’s bright eyes. This man was reading him so well it was scary… “Both I guess.. I guess I’m not sure how we’ll handle it if we learn I was capable of murder under someone else’s control. I mean… it kinda leaves you to wonder…”

“Then why put yourself through this hypnosis… What are you going to do if you find out it’s true.. that you were his mercenary…. His gun for hire?”

“I don’t know…. I really don’t know… but I still have to find out… does that make any sense at all?” John asked, his face indicating bewilderment. The need to know was so powerful, even in the face of the previously unspoken fears he harbored.

The doctor nodded and gave affirmation, “Yes… it does, John… but I want you to think long and hard about this…..before we go any further… you need to decide once and for all if you really want to pursue your past, no matter the consequences… Before you leave today… I need you to answer me one more question… what’s the worst that can happen here… what are you most afraid of….”

He didn’t answer for awhile, absently running his hands up and down the length of his thighs…thinking it over, wondering if he should reveal it to this virtual stranger…’Now come on John… Doc trusts him… he’s gotta be one of the good guys… At last, with a disquieted sigh, he looked up and admitted the truth that he hadn’t spoken to anyone, “Alright… once in awhile… I wonder.. if he could do it to me again… if he’s capable of regaining that same kind of control over me…”

“And, that scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it?”

With a slight nod of the head, John admitted to that fear as well, “Yea… and if the answer is yes… if he *can* control me… then I can’t… I don’t think I can… “

“You don’t think you can, what, John? Finish it… this is very important.”

It was unbearable, unthinkable and yet… if he were to find out that he was capable of killing without any recollection, without any way of stopping it from happening… she wouldn’t be safe with him… and he couldn’t risk that…. Finally, he responded, after heaving another heavy sigh as he plopped himself back down in the armchair, “I don’t think I can marry her… If I find out that I’m capable of killing while under his control, without ever remembering it… then I’d be putting Doc in too much danger if I married her.. and I can’t do that to her… she deserves so much better. After all the pain she’s suffered… she deserves a life of peace and safety…” His voice thick with emotion, he uttered the ultimate conclusion, “If I find out that I.. can’t give her that… then I guess…I’ll…have to….leave her.”

Paul Travers nodded, feeling very successful in his quest for the truth, believing it was vital that John be clear in his own mind what the process was about and who it was for. “I thought that was what it was all about, John… but I had to be certain. Alright then, I want you to go home tonight… and seriously think this over….. and consider telling Marlena what you’re going through… what you’re thinking.. and feeling.”

John was vehement in his denial, “Can’t do that.. no way… she can’t know.”

“Why… don’t you trust her, John?” the therapist challenged.

He reacted strongly to that one, his voice tight with defensiveness, “Of course I do… with my life… that’s not the issue here.”

“Then trust her to handle this too.”

Again, he felt the need to move… or jump out of his skin.. His brow furrowed in frustration, wishing there were some way to know in fact… ahead of time.. “But we’ve had this conversation so many times before… she’ll just say she can deal with it if we’re together… and I’ll say the same…It’s all so hypothetical…”

“But you’ve always told her that you don’t think he could ever regain control over you, am I right.. you’ve never shared with her what you just told me.”

“No… she’s said something a couple of times about it… and I wanted to reassure her, so I… kept telling her that I didn’t believe it was possible and not to worry about it.”

“So… it’s a secret fear you have too, and you aren’t sharing it with her… and it’s in some ways a realistic one… after what Dimera did to you before… Let me ask you this… is that the way you want to go into a marriage, John.. hiding something so important from the woman you love?”

Again John breathed out a weary sigh, recalling… that *this* was why he was always so reluctant to go see a therapist of any kind again. They make you think so dang hard… Everything in his life came with such high price tags… just once he wanted something to be easy… “No.. I suppose not… but… I just… I want to.. protect her… you know.. make her feel safe and secure with me, and in our love. After everything she’s been through, she deserves at least that much from me. Don’t you think?” He finished with a question, seeking some confirmation that his reasoning was sound and that his perspective made sense to an objective observer.

The therapist was nodding his head.. a good sign, but then came the next challenge to his thinking and decision making processes. “Yes… I understand your motivation, very well, John… but what about you? Don’t you deserve the same consideration and peace of mind, to know that even if Stefano had you doing the unthinkable, and there was no way to ensure with absolute certainty that he couldn’t ever control you again….that she would stay with you?”

John was nodding reluctantly… having never thought of it from that perspective. “Yea… I guess so….okay.. I’ll think about it… and I’ll get back with you.”

Standing up, the Doctor extended his hand, which John shook firmly. “Alright… good luck, John.. I’ll be waiting for some news from you.”

“Okay… I’ll talk to you soon, thank you very much Dr. Travers… I really appreciate this… It was.. helpful.”

“You’re welcome, John… I hope it all works out for you, one way or the other.”

So, that was it… he had a big decision to make… two actually… should he tell Doc about what he was doing… about his undisclosed concerns… and should he proceed with the hypnosis afterward? He’d had it all set in his mind before… but now he had questions again… God, how he tired of all the unanswered questions about his life, years of unremembered history. John wanted answers once and for all…. he was going for it this time… all the way until he discovered whatever secrets lay buried beneath layer upon layer of mind control and brain washing conducted by that deluded madman named Stefano Dimera. But now.. there was the matter of Marlena… what, if anything, should he tell her about what he was thinking and what he was planning to do?

* * *
Stefano was lost in thought, thinking back to the lunch he shared with Marlena… how delightful she was as a dining companion, how bright, how witty, how fascinatingly sardonic she could be. It was all such a challenge. After all he’d done to her, she could sit across the table from him and engage in captivating conversation. She was an amazing woman, there was no doubt about it. He had no illusions, a lunch was just a lunch, but it was a start. She was so beautiful sitting there, the sun casting angelic highlights in her golden hair, her hazel eyes shining so brightly….

“Mr. Dimera… Sir… didn’t you hear me… ” I’ve got something important to tell you…”

Angry to have been interrupted in such a pleasant state of mind, he answered with irritation in his voice, “What… what is so important that you had to disturb me, Bart?”

“I’m sorry sir, but it’s John Black, he’s getting closer… I think that if he keeps working with this therapist, he’s going to remember some crucial details of his life under your control, details we don’t want him to have. I believe that the time to act is now.”

“And what pray tell, do you suggest I do about it, Bart?” he asked, derisively. How dare his underling indicate that matters were not under his complete control?

“Get rid of the therapist or accelerate your plans to take control of his mind again…sir.”

“Hmm… a dilemma indeed… I cannot have the therapist killed… that would be too messy… therefore, I will accelerate my plans with John… but not in quite the way you think… Tell me Bart… how close are we to the scheduled nuptials?”

“Four weeks sir….” He answered with authority. The date had been set for April 11th with the wedding to take place at an as yet undetermined location.

John Black was being rather tight lipped about the details, a situation Stefano found distressing, but in the grand scheme of things, it would probably not matter in the least. Because wherever it was *supposed* to take place, it would not occur, if all went according to plan. “Perfect… Alright then… make the call to Doctor Evans… I would like to make lunch plans with her… “

“Lunch plans, sir?” Bart questioned, thinking there was no chance in hell that the lady doctor would go out with his boss for the second time in a couple of weeks.

“Yes, Bart.. you know…. You go to a restaurant.. you sit down, order a meal, eat the meal and then tip the waiter?”

A groaning chortle escaped as he replied, “Ah ha… very funny, Boss…Yes, I know what lunch plans are… but how in the world are you going to get Doctor Evans to accept a lunch date with you again?”

“Simple really… I will in essence apologize to John Black in public, just as she originally asked me to do… I’ll make a statement to the press in which I will take the lion’s share of the responsibility for Kristen’s death… and make a sizable donation to the Suicide Prevention Hotline and the Psychiatric wing of the Hospital. It will happen after today’s hospital board meeting.”

“Uh, Boss… are you sure about this… apologizing to Black.. in public?”

Some discomfort was worth it for the end result… “I know… it will be somewhat.. disconcerting… but to have a meal with her at a popular restaurant. To see the look on Black’s face as we walk in together, or perhaps… there might be.. a picture in the paper.. his reaction to that alone will be worth the price, Bart,” Dimera concluded with a satisfied smile, laughing as he imagined the latter… picturing John Black waking up to coffee and a candid shot of his fiance dining with their mutual enemy… ‘Ah, John… John… you have no idea what lies ahead my “Pawn”… my plans are unfolding quite nicely.. and you shall once again, be under my command, and completely at my mercy…’

“If you say so, Boss…. If you say so.”

“And I do say so… I will meet with you later to discuss the details. Right now, I have further preparations to make.. I have a wedding to foil… ha ha ha!”

A short while later, Bart was down in the computer room hounding another Dimera employee, “Boy, the boss is acting awfully chipper these days, isn’t he Ralphie?”

The skinny, over-focused scientist with dark hair was fuming, so tired of being called by the wrong name, “Bart, I’m warning you… if you call me that one more time, I’ll…”

“You’ll what, you little twit? Just what the hell is it that you think you can do to me?” Bart challenged, puffing his chest out as a threat. One backhanded slap and the man would be lying on the ground.

Rolf wanted to stand up to him… just like all those bullies on the playground when he was a child… but no.. he had more important matters to consider, “I’ll… well, I’ll… Oh, just go away and leave me alone will you? I have important calculations to make… “

“Alright… I’ll go… I’ve got an important phone call to make myself… See ya around Ralph…hey that’s what John calls you, isn’t it?”

“Shut up, Bart… just shut up and leave me alone!” The sound of the other man’s laughter echoed off the walls of the basement level of the Dimera Mansion. Bart could be infuriating sometimes… ‘Someday I will find a way to make him pay for all of this harassment… some day…’ he mused as he turned his mind back to the matter at hand, planning the next contact between their machinery and John’s susceptible mind. Different music, different words, varying voice inflections and tonal qualities stimulating different memories, and invoking a wide array of emotions. It was all quite precise in nature, and because of their extensive preparations, John had absolutely no idea what was happening to him. John Black believed that he and the Psychologist were going to be in control of the therapy process, but he was completely wrong. Soon there was going to be an important turning point, and after that only time would tell whether Stefano’s plan to destroy the love between John and Marlena would prove successful.

The phone was ringing but no one was answering and it made the young man nervous. He’d been sitting around waiting for news for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he was rewarded when his twin picked up the phone and said hello. He wasted no time, wanting a progress report, “Sami, have you heard anything more from Stefano?”

“No.. have you?” she asked, knowing the answer was no, but still hoping. Maybe the man just said what he did so they wouldn’t interfere with his own plans to destroy John and ruin the relationship between his enemy and the woman with whom he’d been obsessed for years, their Mother. If that were the case, the twins should go to their Father… because she could be in great danger and so could John. No matter the animosity they harbored toward John… having him killed or taken hostage was not what they wanted to have happen.

“You know he won’t contact me… okay then, what about that dirt you were trying to dig up on John…. did you have any luck? You know.. the wedding’s only a couple of weeks away.”

“Oh…” she groaned.. “don’t remind me… anyway, the guy I hired was just here… he delivered a package and I was just about to look through it… do you want to meet me somewhere so we can review the contents together?” She decided they could discuss the other issue in person, and therefore she did not mention it on the phone.

“Yea… I sure do…Sami, this could be it… How about the far side of the park… it’ll be quiet there and we’ll be less likely to see anyone we know.”

“Right… okay, I’ll see you there in half an hour. I sure hope he found something we can use to make Mom leave John…”

“Me too…Dad was really down when I had dinner with him last night… Don’t look at the stuff until I get there, promise?” Eric requested anxiously, realizing that it would be mighty tempting.

“Promise… see you soon.” Sami smiled as she stuffed the large envelope into a satchel and prepared to go out the front door of the Kiriakis Mansion, making sure she wasn’t seen leaving. There was no sense in letting anyone know what she and her brother were up to… that way, it would end up being Stefano’s word against theirs.. if it ever came up, that is. ‘Yes, I think I can wait just a few more minutes.. because *this* is going to be so good! We’re finally going to find a way break up Mom and John once and for all time! I just know it,’ she was saying as she drove down the long winding drive and out toward the road, her hand resting protectively on the package laying next to her on the seat.

* * *
Marlena was headed down the freeway trying to decide which approach to take with her husband to be this time. He’d been so angry about the way she seemed to be “warming up” to Stefano and she knew she’d have to come up with something good by way of explanation after their fight earlier in the day.

Pulling out her cell phone, she was pleased when the man from who she sought assistance was available…”Shane… Oh, I’m so glad you’re there. I need to see you…have you heard anything?”

“Yes, I have.. word has it, Stefano is completely caught up in you. He thinks you’ve given him your trust and that you actually enjoy his company now. It’s working perfectly, Marlena…”

“Good… I was hoping so… but you can never tell with him… Okay, then what I need now is to come up with a way to keep Roman, Bo, Abe, and especially John from becoming too suspicious about what I’m doing. So far, everybody but John has accepted my explanations.”

“Alright… let’s meet again and then we can… figure it out together. Marlena… I must say.. you’d make a great agent. You’ve handled yourself quite impressively.”

“Why thank you Shane Donovan… I appreciate that very much.” She was pleased for the positive feedback, especially after the argument she had with John earlier. Marlena had known John was going be upset about the latest development in her plan to convince Stefano she was truly befriending him… and she was right.

However, her fiance was more than upset, he was livid. She recalled their fight in great detail… “Marlena… I don’t understand *any* of this! After all that Bastard has done to us… For God’s sake…you’re acting like he’s your new best friend!”

She scoffed at the suggestion, “Oh, I am not, John… I’m just… following through on some promises I made… I told you that… I was worried about you… I asked him to back off and he did, so I’ve had a couple of lunches with him… That’s all there is to it, John. “

He was shaking his head and following her around the bedroom, incredulous that she didn’t see what was so terribly obvious to him, “Doc… don’t you get it…he’s taking it as an open invitation to friendship! Dammit, Marlena… you can’t give that monster such.. mixed messages… he’s going to try to move in on your life again, on our life!”

“No… no, he’s not… it’s okay, John… please, trust me in this…” she said, laboring to discount his concern, turning toward the closet where she was gazing at her wardrobe and trying to decide upon the perfect dress for her next meeting with the man in question.

Her intended placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to him… speaking with passion, “God knows I’m trying, Doc… but you’re pushing it…. I’m scared for you… for me, the kids… you’re walking a fine line. Now, I want you to stop seeing him… he did what you asked, he all but apologized to me in public, he donated some money and you’ve had two very nice lunches with the guy. Please call it at that.”

Shaking her head, she denied him, wishing she didn’t have to be at cross purposes with the man she loved so deeply, and for whom she was doing it in the first place. “Oh.. I’m sorry… I can’t. I already agreed to have dinner with him… at the Penthouse Grille… tonight.” Marlena winced when she saw the look of angry frustration on his face. Watching his blue eyes fill with fire at the mere idea of it, she tried to step away from him.

He went through the roof at that one… “No… No, I won’t allow it!” John said, grasping her forearm to stop her progress toward the dresser.

Whipping her head around, she stared him down, her voice raised nearly to a shout, “Excuse me? You won’t *allow* it! … I’m sorry, but fiance or not… you don’t control my life, John Black… Who I choose to have dinner with is *my* business, not yours!”

That was the end of the fight… and that was in the morning before work… She shuddered to imagine what it might be like later in the evening before she stepped out the door. ‘Oh, John… I certainly do hope we can work this out…’ Marlena knew she couldn’t lie to him, at least not about the fact of the meetings taking place. But, as the memory replayed itself over and over in her mind, she wondered how much more pressure the relationship could take before it reached a breaking point. She hoped to make significant inroads with Stefano and soon…

* * *
John was nearly pacing in Abe’s office, one that was much too small and soon slated for remodeling, and it was making his friends more than a little ancy too… “John… would you stop moving for just one second!” Bo said frustrated with the situation too.

“Yea… yea…. I’m sorry.. look this thing just has me… on edge you know.. I just can’t figure out what she’s up to… you guys got any ideas yet?”

Abe, who was sitting behind his desk, Roman who was sitting on the corner of it, and Bo who was standing across the room, were all three shaking their heads, not knowing what to say. Then finally, Abe spoke up, “Maybe it’s like she said…. You were pretty torn up by Kristen’s suicide and she was watching out for you… and now she’s just… playing the game… saying thank you.”

John reacted immediately, negating that one, “No.. thank you is a couple of lunches… she’s done that already… but dinner at the Grille? Come on, Abe… something else is going on…”

Roman, who had worked through his anger and was accepting of the relationship at this point, agreed, but had no answers. “I think John’s right…maybe she is up to something… but what could it be?”

John was glad that somebody saw it his way, even if it were Roman…the man who had been his rival for her affections. “Well, that’s why I’m here… I’ve been wondering about something… have any of you heard from Shane Donovan lately?” he asked.

“No… why?” the others said, almost in unison after exchanging glances that said they hadn’t and didn’t expect to in the near future.

“Nothing specific really… just a feeling I have… I could have sworn I saw him on the East side the other day when I was out looking at a warehouse… it was just for a second… I don’t know… maybe I’m just reaching…” he finished with an exasperated sigh, finally sitting down on one of the rolling chairs.

“Yea… if Shane were here.. he’d want to see us… he’d make contact with one of us…” Roman replied quickly.

“Unless….”

“Unless, what Bo…” John said, looking up at his erstwhile brother, seizing upon the moment.

“Unless Marlena called him and she’s got him working with her on some kind of a plan… ” Bo said, trying to come up with an explanation for Shane’s presence, if indeed John did see the man.

John didn’t want to think she would do something that dangerous and not tell him about it. Shaking his head, he had to argue, “No… come on… not Doc… she wouldn’t… would she?”

Roman figured that was an impossibility, “No… no, I think we’re way off…Marlena would never go up against Stefano Dimera like that… “

Abe had been silent for a moment or two… disagreed with both of them… “Oh, yes she would… if she thought she was protecting someone she loves… I seem to remember that she shot the man once.”

Roman realized his friend and partner was right.. “You know.. come to think of it…I was talking to Ma about this…she said that Marlena was very worried about you, John…. she still is… I think maybe we’re on to something here… we could have Marlena… watched.. see if she meets up with him.”

John was on the move again and shaking his head…tempted, but realizing it wouldn’t be right to intrude on her, to violate her privacy like that.. “No… I won’t do that to her.. there’s got to be another way.”

Bo confronted him with another matter, making a suggestion based on his conversation with John the other day… “Here’s a novel idea… why don’t you try talking to her again… maybe tell her what you’ve been doing… without her knowledge… Maybe if you come clean she will too…”

Standing up, prepared to leave, he nodded, saying agreeably, “Good point.. okay, I’ll think about it.. and thanks guys… I appreciate you putting up with me.. I’m just… “

Bo and Roman were smiling and nodding and then Bo said the words they were both thinking…”You’re worried about the woman you love and you want to protect her… it seems that runs in the family…. “

John nodded and smiled, feeling good about this group of friends, and said, “Yea… I suppose it does.. alright.. I’ll let you know when I find out something more. ” With that he was out the door and on his way home, still thinking about what Marlena might have planned. It seemed unlikely, but was it possible that she was working with Shane to take down Dimera as Bo suggested? Perhaps he was making more out of it than he should be… maybe it was exactly as she said…

* * *
Bart hated interrupting Stefano Dimera in the middle of anything.. but this was important enough.. “Boss… I’m serious… he’s getting closer… I think he’s on the verge of some breakthroughs. You might want to hear this… It’s a tape of his last session with that Dr. Travers…”

“Alright… I shall listen,” Stefano said, sounding annoyed at best. He was reminiscing about Marlena’s genuineness during their last social encounter, which came right after his announcement of a substantial charitable donation to the Suicide Prevention services and to the psychiatric unit at Salem University Hospital. She was obviously touched and appreciative and John was seething as she seemed to respond to his overtures. John was glaring at them the entire time they were chatting and Stefano was reveling in it. At last, he turned his attention to the sound of the voices on the tape recording…..

“John… I want you to let your mind just… wander, let it go where it will. It’ll find a place to land… and then you can tell me about it…” It wasn’t long before it became obvious that his mind had done just that. His eyes were shut tight and his head was moving back and forth with a hint of agitation.

There was silence for a long while… and then, “Yes sir… I will carry out my orders sir….”

“John… what are you remembering.. can you tell me about it?”

“I’m preparing to fight… to… fight someone to the… death… I’ve got… a knife…”

“What kind of knife, John…”

“Military issue survival….I’m about to go into a… battle of some kind.”

“Hmm… keep going… tell me everything you’re seeing, John…”

“There are lots of men…all dressed in camouflage fatigues… and Stefano… he’s there too… “

“Good…. what’s he saying to you, John… think…”

“I don’t know… I don’t know…I can’t… hear him!” John sounded anxious… frustrated. Maybe the barriers were all still in place.

“Okay… it’s okay… slow down… and listen…”

“He’s giving orders… fight them off, John… you must be strong… and defeat them if you are going to serve me well…”

“Good… you’re doing just fine, John… what else…”

“Uh… I’m preparing for a mission… vital one for the Dimera Empire….”

“What kind of mission… think, John… this is very important… “

Stefano knew what was happening to the patient on that tape… As expected, the images John was getting now were jumbled… nothing substantive just gray and shadowy in nature…”I don’t know… can’t…tell. I can’t tell!” From the sounds he heard, Stefano deduced that John was anxious and becoming increasingly agitated, presumably shaking his head and clutching at it as if gripped by another killer headache. “AH! Oh, my head….” John cried out, confirming Stefano’s theory… he smiled with satisfaction. The brainwashing was ostensibly intact to this point.

“Why can’t I remember?…Oh, no.. I’m losing it.. it’s going away… no… No! Dammit!” he yelled, slamming a fist down on the arm of the chair in frustration. It was so emotionally charged.. John wanted desperately to remember the missing years and other than a few scattered images with which he’d confronted his tormentor recent years, this was quite certainly the closest John had come to recovering any substantial memories of his life with Stefano thus far. Next, the sounds of ragged breathing were heard… the man in question moving toward a state of hyperventilation… followed by the concerned voice of the therapist.

“Okay… you’ve had enough, John… take it easy…. I’m going to bring you out on the count of three… when I get to three you’ll be back in the office with me… and you’ll be calm and relaxed… but you’ll remember everything you saw and heard and… everything you felt, John… “

John was presumably nodding but said nothing more… “Okay then… one, two, three… take a deep breath and open your eyes… “

His patient did exactly as described, his eyes blinking rapidly as he returned to the present day reality, with a weary sigh. “Damn.. we were *so* close!” was all he said as he rubbed at his temples with his outstretched fingertips… “Why is this happening… every time we come anywhere near those memories… I get a monster headache and I can’t go any further,” John finished sounding very discouraged and still smarting, “Oh… man… “

“I don’t know, John… There’s some kind of barrier mechanism… but I can’t begin to explain exactly how or why we keep running into these brick walls. I can tell you that my gut instincts tell me you’re getting closer and closer to some kind of a breakthrough…”

That brought the vigor back to the man’s voice, “You really think so…”

“Yes, I really think so, John… but… I also believe that we’re heading into some dangerous territory… “

“What exactly do you mean?”

“I mean… if we break down those walls Stefano Dimera has placed inside your mind… we have no idea what we’re going to find… and it could be.. traumatic for you… catastrophic even and you need to be prepared.”

“Prepared…. How?”

“Well, for starters… I think it’s time to tell Marlena.. what you’ve been doing here all these weeks….don’t you?”

John sighed… and hesitantly agreed with his therapist… “I guess so… yea, if something goes… haywire… she has a right to know…”

“Alright then… are we on for next week at the same time….”

“Yes… that will be fine.. and I’ll talk to Marlena.”

“Oh and Doctor… what else about the memories… has you so concerned?”

“John… I think you know that… why don’t you tell me?”

“Oh you’re talking about what happens if I find out I did some terrible things… you think I won’t be able to handle it…”

“I’m not certain, John… it depends… on just how awful the memories are… I’m also concerned about these headaches… they seem to be getting worse.. the more you push yourself to remember..”

“Yea… I know… it could get rough.. but I have to learn the truth… I need to know what I did for that Bastard! Marlena deserves that much from me before we walk down the aisle together.”

* * *
Stefano shut down the tape himself, as his underling started firing off the questions, “Well, Boss?”

“You’re right, Bart… it’s time to step up the plans…. Rolf, I need you to make some special arrangements with me for a little demonstration… two actually. Let’s call it a.. non-wedding present for John and Marlena…ha ha!”

That comment elicited a chuckle from the other two… and then he added more seriously, “The wedding is only two weeks away… and we have some major work to do… Tonight.. however, I intend to enjoy myself…and drive another wedge between our two lovebirds at the same time… Ah, this night should prove to be quite fascinating indeed,” Stefano said, rubbing his hands together and smiling with satisfaction as he contemplated the pinpoint timing of his first demonstration. I’ll join you both in the computer room in just a few minutes,” he said to end the conversation. He would take the time to finish the glass of liquor and then he would explain to Rolf and Bart what they were to do.

* * *
A few hours later, John and Marlena were in almost exactly the same place they were when the day began, at odds over her apparently changing relationship Stefano Dimera. John was becoming increasingly frustrated and angry about the situation, confronting his love about her motivation, “Doc… I want you tell me the real reason you’re meeting with Stefano… why are you having dinner with him tonight?” he asked, as he watched her using the curling iron to fix some curls that had fallen during the day.

Continuing on with her ministrations, she replied without any hint of frustration for having to review it, “John, we’ve been over this already… I’m just following through on my promise to give him a chance to show how he’s changed. Going out to dinner in public is my way of saying I appreciate that he’s making the effort.”

“Doc… I think there’s more to it than that… and I want you to tell me what it is. I’m worried about where this is leading…”

“John… I think you’re overly concerned. Stefano.. he’s different… he’s really beginning to see that being a respectable citizen gives him so much more than a life of crime spent in hiding. Kristen’s death has had a profound effect on his life. Don’t worry so much…”

“Well, I do… just the same way you worry for me.. and if that’s why you’re doing all of this.. don’t be concerned… I’m just fine, Doc… I’ll admit Kristen’s death hit me hard.. but it’s okay now… really… In fact, I have something positive that I want to tell you about…”

“Oh?” she said, turning toward him at last, curious about what he’d been up to… wondering if all those meetings were about the wedding or something entirely different. Finally, she would be given an explanation.

“Well, you know how I was saying I wanted to find out about my past but I was frustrated with not remembering and I wasn’t sure what to do about it… “

Leaning against the counter top, she nodded, saying, “Mmm… hmm… and we talked about hypnosis… but you said…”

“I know.. I said I didn’t want to do that again… but I wasn’t completely truthful with you… I decided it would be best if I pursued it on my own instead of putting the extra stress on you.. so I’ve been seeing another hypno-therapist… for a few weeks now.. “

She was stunned but not really surprised…”You have… Oh, John… I’m…glad, I guess… who are you working with… and has it helped?”

“I’m seeing someone you’ve always spoken highly of.. Dr. Paul Travers…. And yes it’s been helping.. I’ve been remembering some things… in fact, I think we’re getting close to some breakthroughs… that’s why I wanted to tell you about it… in case things heat up a little.. “

“Oh.. I see… Did Dr. Travers suggest it, John?”

“Yea… actually he did… he said I shouldn’t keep it from you because I might have some.. traumatic memories… and if I do… well, he thought that it shouldn’t come as a complete surprise to you.”

Suddenly, in light of the phone calls he’d been receiving from Stefano… she was nervous about the effects the combination might have on his susceptible mind… “Oh… my… John, why didn’t you tell me you were thinking about doing this?” she asked, trying to hide her concern for his mental and emotional well being.

“I wanted to give you my past as a wedding gift, Doc.. I wanted you to be able to walk down the aisle with no doubts about who you were marrying… and I thought that it might worry you.. so I decided to do it on my own.. and then if it didn’t pan out, I just wouldn’t say anything.”

His willingness to protect her from pain was one of the qualities she most admired in him and it was nice to see it during a tense moment. Marlena closed the distance between them to give him a warm hug and a soft kiss on the lips, saying, “Oh, John… you are the sweetest.. most wonderful man… and I love you so… “

“I’m so glad to hear that… I was starting to think you preferred another man’s company…” he said, mostly to tease, but with a hint of resentment which set her off. He winced when she began to reply, her lips curled into a disapproving frown.

Shaking her head in frustration, she snapped at him, “John… don’t tell me you’re jealous of him…I could never feel anything for Stefano Dimera.. not after everything he’s done to us.. “

“Okay… then break this dinner date you have with him tonight… spend the evening with me instead…” he said in a mild form of challenge, seeing in her eyes that she was angry with him for even suggesting it.

She responded in firm even tones, walking away from him knowing he would be displeased, “I’m sorry… but I can’t do that, John… I’ve made a commitment… and I won’t break it…”

“What are you saying… “

Squaring off with him, she let go her anger with his attempt to make demands of her, “I’m saying no to you.. that’s what I’m saying.. John, you know how much I love you and I want to marry you. But if I choose to have the occasional dinner with another man, even if it’s a man you loathe, I expect you to… deal with it.”

He stared back at her from several long feet, trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong, and when he was at a loss for that answer, he vented his increasing frustration, “Oh, great! That’s just great, Doc! I come in here and bare my soul to you, and you expect me to *deal* with the fact that you’re getting awfully chummy with the man who stole my memories in the first place! You just expect me to wish you a nice evening with that sick Bastard who brainwashed me and damn near killed me several times, not to mention what he did to the Brady’s and to you!”

She didn’t bother to argue the point further; it was clear that they would not resolve this conflict quickly or easily.. “Yes.. that’s about the size of it, John.. now if you’ll excuse me.. I have to finish getting ready…”

John stood in the middle of the bedroom as she headed back toward the bathroom to finish her makeup, his mouth agape, his eyes wide with shock… even as he felt the rage rising up from deep inside…a powerful surge of adrenaline flowing through his veins.. Dimera was still trying to ruin his life… manipulating Marlena, making her believe he was changing, “No… I won’t let you do it again, Dimera… I won’t let you take her from me!”

There was a familiar refrain playing in his ears…and images of his cruel taskmaster standing next to him, haunting his mind, “Ah…. Johnny… John… John… you are so hot tempered… you must learn to calm yourself… it does not serve you well, my “Pawn.”

John whirled around in a circle… not sure if he heard that voice in the present or in a flashback from the past… little that it mattered. Waiting there as his fiance busied herself with preparations for her evening, John made a solemn silent vow.’Dammit, I’m not your Pawn anymore… and I won’t let you control me like that… not EVER again!’ He was going to put an end to that miserable Bastard’s hold over their lives.. one way or the other!

John Black was positively fuming, essentially pacing in his ample bedroom… ‘I can’t believe she’s doing this… after everything we’ve been through…. She’s going out with him against my objections… there’s got to be a way to figure out what she’s up to… come on, Black.. use your brain…Think!’

Suddenly, he was transported back in time, to some other place, some other life…. having just been through some kind of a training exercise… “Think… Black….you have to think before you act!”

Stefano stepped into view, appearing next to the other man who was wearing a headset, “John.. we’ve been over this… you must fight as much with your head as with your strength… Use your tactical skills, John…. the muscle and the firepower will be there when you need them…. Warfare is about your brain power, John…. use it!”

He’d disappointed his mentor… he hated it when he did that… but this thinking stuff was not what came naturally, not when he was primed to kill… “Yes sir…I’m sorry sir…”

“Alright… set it up again… John, I want you to take one hour to get that head of yours where it needs to be… do I make myself clear.”

“Yes sir! I’ll be ready and I won’t let you down.”

“Good… see that you don’t… This mission cannot fail, John… every detail must come off exactly as planned.”>>>>>

“Mission cannot fail… What mission? What did I do for you Old Man!” John said out loud as the vision faded. Without warning, his head felt as if it were on fire… Crying out, “Oh, God… oh…” he gripped his head… and grabbed for the telephone. The therapist’s cell phone number was on speed dial…and he’d given it to John, knowing they were close to making some important breakthroughs. “Doctor Travers… this is John…. I need… help…”

“John… what is it…” he asked, alarmed at his patient’s desperate tone

Fighting off the pain, he managed to get the gist of it out, “Memory… it’s coming back…. But my head…..”

The sound of the man’s voice indicated he was suffering greatly… there could be serious complications, “John, call an ambulance…. I’ll meet you at the hospital..”

That was the last place he wanted to be…. “No… come here… please come to the….Penthouse… I know I can get it back if you help me… please!”

Not entirely certain he was making the right judgement call in agreeing to see the man at his home, Paul Travers nodded his head and said the words John wanted to hear, “Alright…. Just… try to stay calm…. Ride it out… it usually fades in a few minutes… I’ll be right there..”

“Yea… okay.. please… hurry… ” He pressed himself for the memory and found the pain too intense… ‘Damn firewalls!’ he said as the pain threatened to take his consciousness… Even that sounded familiar, but why?

* * *
Sometimes, his men just didn’t seem to understand how critical timing could be in these matters and Stefano wanted to impress it upon them. This particular evening could be the turning point in his plan to destroy his enemy and take the stunning Queen for himself. Setting down his glass of cognac, Stefano deepened his tone, “Bart… I’m telling you.. the timing has to be perfect on this… I want to make sure that John comes in at precisely the right moment…

“I know… I wait one hour…. Make sure he’s at home… then I make the call… “

“Yes… and then when the tape is finished… you call the restaurant… “

“Make sure John is on his way, then call and request the song… to be played exactly forty five minutes after he’s heard the tape…”

“Yes.. that’s it…” Stefano was pleased, but still had his concerns… and turned to the other man, “Rolf… are you certain this is going to work?”

“Stefano… I’ve told you… provided that the triggers are all still in place… Based on the sessions we’ve heard.. it seems so… he’ll have exactly the reaction you want… at just the right moment.”

“Good… very good… alright then, I’m on my way to pick up the fair Marlena for our special evening.. I’m warning you… if this night is not successful…”

They knew that expression and that tone… The man’s dark eyes told them of his intentions. They had been loyal, but that was of no consequence. If they failed him, they were dead men, and their reply indicated respect and fear, “Yes sir… we won’t let you down sir!”

When he saw their fearful eyes, he knew that no more warning was necessary. They knew what would happen if they failed him. “Alright then… see that you do not.” The conversation was over and he hoped his faith in them was not misguided as he sometimes wondered.

* * *
After what seemed like an eternity had passed, there was a knocking sound… It took a minute for it to register and John staggered toward the door, the headache having exhausted him somehow. “Hello Doctor.. thank you for coming… I think I’m getting really close here…. Can you put me under?”

“Not immediately…tell me what happened first,” the man said, obviously looking John over, assessing his mental and physical state.

He nodded, not wanting to waste the time, but realizing it wasn’t fair to expect the man to trust his judgement about it. Sitting down and gesturing for the doctor to do the same, he gave the short version, “Alright… I was… upset about something that’s happening tonight. My wife is… having dinner with… Stefano and I was trying to figure out why… and then I had this flashback… I was preparing for some special mission…”

“The same one from the last session?”

“I don’t know… I think so….but I can’t be sure… anyway… I was doing some kind of a training exercise… and I wasn’t using my head… I was firing off a bunch of rounds without using the strategy we’d designed… I was going on gut instinct and Stefano was mad… disappointed in me… Anyway… I pushed for the memory and I got the worst headache I’ve ever had… felt like my head was on fire.”

“Okay… it sounds as though you’re right… you’re getting very close… but, John… like I told you this is dangerous territory we’re approaching… I think we need to have Marlena in on this…”

“No… I don’t want to wait… I want you to put me under right now.. I *need* this memory… It’s important… I can feel it.”

It was hard to argue with that kind of intensity… “Alright.. but you promise me you’ll tell her what you’ve been remembering when we’re through here… “

“Scout’s honor…” he said with a subdued version of his winning smile, his hand in the air with the parallel gesture.

Paul sighed and agreed, still unsure it was the best option for his patient, “Alright then… prepare yourself… you know what to do.”

John repositioned himself until he was comfortable, putting both feet firmly on the ground, his hands perched lightly on his knees. Shutting his eyes and slowing his breathing at the same time, within one minute, he was ready for hypnotism.

“Okay… John… I want you to let your mind go back… take it back to your time with Stefano… let it go…and find a place you can recall clearly.”

“I remember the target practice….”

“Good… tell me about it..”

‘I’m getting better and better all the time…. He says I’m the best sharpshooter he’s ever seen and he’s so proud of me….”

“You have served me well, John… I have the perfect mission for you.”

“What am I to do sir?”

“Ah… yes, Johnny…. you are always eager to know what is next, never satisfied with the moment… Alright… I shall tell you, but first there is another training exercise you must complete for me… it requires more than sheer firepower, John… you must think.”

“Must think…. Yes, sir, I will do as you order, sir!” John muttered.

“Tell me about it, John… what is he saying to you?”

“He says he has an important mission… I’ve served him well… and now I have another training exercise to do… “

“Okay… keep going… let your mind take you there…..”

John was silent… searching for the memory in question… and then he heard the commanding voice again… “No, Johnny… I told you.. you must think before you shoot…. War is about strategy, John… like the chessboard… remember the lessons I taught you there… now, try it again.”

John stared at the targets and then at the other men… How tired he was of laser tag… he wanted the real thing. Stefano could see the gears of his mind turning, and commented on it, “Patience is not your strong suit, Johnny… but you must know this is important. This mission is critical… it must not fail!”

But, if this was the way to get there, he would be patient and play their war games.. “Yes…I know… I’ll do it… ” He squared himself and prepared to enter the fray… In seconds he was running through the gauntlet, hitting every target with one clean shot, knocking down his opponents with ease, finishing the complex exercise in a matter of minutes, with a perfect score, twenty kills and not a mark on him. “How’s that sir?” he said with a broad grin.

The man was beaming with pride…”That’s my boy… alright… now, we will review the details of the mission… In my office, one hour.”

“Yes sir!” Stefano was smiling at him, as a father would with a son, and putting his arm around the younger man’s shoulders. “You’ve done well, my son…. very well…. I couldn’t be more proud of you if you were my own flesh and blood.” John remembered what he felt in that moment… it was pride and joy… and love… he felt love?

Paul Travers was pleased with how the session was going, believing his patient of several long weeks was on the verge of an important breakthrough when suddenly, John began crying out in great distress, his head whipping wildly back and forth, his voice filled with horrified disbelief, “No… No, this is all wrong.. no…it can’t be… NO!”

“It’s okay, John… relax… slow your breathing… “

“No…no, I hate him… I HATE him… this can’t BE!”

John’s breathing was becoming so rapid and then he clutched at his head… Whatever he was remembering was obviously traumatic and beyond his ability to cope with in his present reality… “John I’m going to count you out… when I get to three…”

Before he could even react, John was off the couch and grabbing his therapist by the collar, shaking him violently and yelling at him… “No… NO! I hate you, I hate you… you’re a sick bastard! I could never have loved you… No… I HATE YOU! “

Stunned, Paul Travers, reacted on instinct, guessing at what was happening, or at least who was involved, “John… I’m *not* Stefano… I’m your doctor.. you’re having a memory flashback… now let me go and I’ll help you with it!”

It took several agonizingly long seconds, during which neither of them were certain what would happen, John almost punching his therapist out, but finally calming down enough to come out of his semi-hypnotic state. He collapsed in a heap on the couch, his breathing still much too rapid and shallow for the doctor’s comfort level.

“John…. are you alright?”

He forced himself to sit up, saying absently, his eyelids fluttering widely, his eyes darting back and forth, as if searching for something, “Yea…I think so… what happened… “

His brow furrowed, the doctor was disappointed for his patient, knowing that it was a vital recollection, “Don’t you remember?”

“No…” That was all the reply he got, but Dr. Travers knew there was much more that went unspoken, pain and frustration that was well hidden.

“John you came out of the hypnotic state before I could count you out… Take a minute to think about it…. What do you remember?”

It was so exhausting…. His head throbbed with pain, but some of the images were returning. He was dressed in military clothing, target shooting and then he was in another setting, preparing for something. “I remember the training… how he wanted me to think, not just come out shooting.. he was mad… I had to take a break and come back to it, and then I did it exactly like he wanted me to do… I came out with twenty kills and not a scratch on me.. in record time too. He was.. proud of me.” His eyes were narrowed, the last part of his memory leaving him confused. ‘Proud of me?’ What does that mean?’ he was asking himself internally… and at the same time working for more…

“John… was there anything else… do you remember anything else?”

He shut his eyes and pushed for it… and the pain came… it was instantaneous… “Oh… Oh, my head.. my head… it’s like the one before you came here… Oh, God!”

Placing his hands on his patient’s shoulders, the psychologist did whatever he could to alleviate the psychic source of the pain. “John… let it go… let it all go… slow your breathing… and come back to the present… you’re at home, you’re safe… your life is exactly what you want it to be… you’re fine… “

John made a concerted effort to do as the doctor suggested… he let go of the past and embraced his present reality. Marlena loved him, she planned to marry him… life was good. At last, he nodded, the pain fading with each passing second. “Whew.. that one was pretty intense..” he said with labored breaths, still trying to calm himself

“Yes, I’d say so.. Listen, John… I think… maybe we should consider….”

Realizing where the man was going with his comment, John cut him off, “Stopping? For tonight maybe… but I’m not giving up…” After steadying himself on the arm of the couch, John stood up, as the angry frustration flared, “No, I’m going to find out exactly what I did for that Bastard!”

The doctor stood a few feet away, looking his patient straight in the eye, “I’m serious… John, I’ve never had a patient do what you just did tonight. Whatever you were remembering was so traumatic that you broke out of the hypnotic state and were controlled by the flashback… John, like you’ve said yourself.. we’re deep in Dimera land here.. There’s no telling what other barriers are there… I’m concerned for you.”

Blowing out a long breath, John shook his head and negated it, “Yea… well, thank you for your concern, but it can’t be helped… I’m going to take my chances.. I’ll give it a few days and I’ll call you… alright?” John said, to end the discussion. He would not change his mind. Stefano was not going to defeat him… not this time!

“Okay… but please… try to take it easy for a couple of days.. don’t push yourself to remember for awhile…. Take that beautiful fiance of yours.. have a nice dinner… maybe get away for the weekend..”

In spite of the tension, John flashed him a weak smile. “Thank you, I’ll consider that, Doctor Travers.. you’ve been a great help. And, I really do appreciate your coming over here like this. “

Cognizant that this was a man who was not easily dissuaded once he’d set his course, the therapist let it go at that, extending his hand for a shake which John returned. “You’re welcome, John…. any time. I’ll see you in a few days.”

* * *
Dinner was progressing according to plan and it was almost time… Stefano knew that John wouldn’t stay at home for long and had to seize the moment. If it were timed perfectly, this night would mean the beginning of the end of the relationship between John and Marlena. All he had to do was make sure Bart and Rolf did exactly as he instructed them to do.

Bart was ready and watching the clock… “It’s the perfect time for a phone call from the mystery man… all the while Stefano is having dinner with Doctor Evans, an airtight alibi. We couldn’t have set this up better if we’d planned the whole scenario by ourselves.”

A few minutes later the phone was ringing in the Penthouse condo. John was alone again after having taken a quick shower, he was ready to go see Marlena at the restaurant, hoping he could convince her to cut the evening short. Wishing he’d stepped out the door already, he picked it up reluctantly thinking it might be Marlena… they needed to talk, tensions had been running high of late and after that last argument.

“Hello… ” there was no one on the other end of the line.. “Hello, is anyone there?” After another try, he was ready to hang up when he heard some faint sound in the background. It was so familiar to him… what was it? He was intrigued and then he was mesmerized, his body relaxing, his mind open to suggestion…

“John… can you hear me?”

“Yes, I can hear you… “

“Listen very carefully, John… this is very important,” said the commanding voice to which he was compelled to listen.

“What am I to do?” he asked, somehow responding as he had all those years ago. Bart was shaking his head… amazed at what Stefano and Rolf had accomplished. More than a decade later, they were tapping into the same triggers and getting almost identical responses.

“Ah… you are always ready to do my bidding, my Pawn… John, I want you to be prepared for battle… the war over our territory in Southeast Asia has begun and you will be needed to defend and pursue the aggressors. Are you ready for this vital mission, John?”

“Yes, Sir… I’m always prepared to fight, Sir!” he answered, sounding like a well trained soldier, exactly as planned.

“Good… now stay on the line and continue listening… you will receive more detailed instructions from my assistant….”

“Yes Sir!”

Bart took over for the taped voice of his boss, a gleam in his eye at the chance to hurt the man… John had taken more than one good shot at Bart over the years and now was his golden opportunity to make John pay for what he’d done. It was going a little past Stefano’s instructions… but it couldn’t hurt anything….. except John…”Alright, John… I want to take you back in time a little bit…. Think John… go back to Paris… can you remember Paris….”

“Yes… I remember…”

“Who did you work with there, John?”

“Gina… l worked with Gina… and I…loved her…”

“But Stefano wanted her too… do you remember that, John… “

“Yes.. she told me… but she was in love with me…”

“But he took her from you, didn’t he? He used his power and his influence and he took her away from you…”

“No.. don’t take her… don’t make me leave…”

Just hearing the pain in the man’s voice made Bart smile with wicked delight…He waited a few seconds, leaving the musical piece and its chosen patterns to influence the man’s susceptible mind… then went for the jugular, “Gina’s dead, John… and you killed her…. “

“No… no… I…loved her… I would never kill her, I couldn’t….”

“Yes, John… she’s dead… and it was all your fault… remember it, John… Remember that last night… she was lying in the street…”

Pain pierced his head like a spear piercing armor….. penetrating, causing intense pain… “Oh God… Oh… my head… No, no… it can’t be…”

“Remember, John……listen to the music and remember…. It was such a dark piece… ‘Anyone would be depressed listening to this stuff,’ Bart was thinking as he said to John, “Feel the emotions, John… and let go of the memories…”

All around him was black pain and guilt…his voice filled with sadness, “I killed her… Oh, no… I killed her… how could it have happened… “

Now came the switch of the music and the tactics…. Bart would do what was originally intended by his boss, “Stefano stole her John… just like he’s trying to steal Marlena from you. Right now… he’s having dinner with her, John… he’s fooling her into believing he’s changed.. but you know better, don’t you? You know he’s trying to lure her in, to take advantage of her goodness and compassion…”

“No.. not Doc… no… “

“Yes, John… are you going to let him do that? Are you going to let him take her from you, like he’s taken everything else in your life… “

The music played on, its agitated angry crescendos bringing out his jealousy and rage, fueling the bitter hatred that lay buried underneath layers of rationalization. Time had cooled it slightly and he’d learned to hide it for the sake of those who loved him, but it was there like tree sap in winter, just waiting to be tapped, just as Stefano knew it would be. “You can fight back, John… don’t let him take her away from you… don’t let him win again!”

Just as his emotions reached a peak, the music stopped, and the phone went dead. John, who was standing in the living room near the couch, wavered and almost went down, his head a mass of throbbing pain.. but there was no memory of the call or its content. The desired results had been achieved. There was more guilt and pain, as well as generalized frustration but no detail. When he came to full awareness he had no idea what had happened and there was no one there to fill in the gaps of his memory or guide him to recall the events of the evening. ‘Oh, man… what a headache..’ he was saying as he rubbed his temples slightly and then put on his leather coat, just before stepping out the door, heading for the Penthouse Grille, where he knew Marlena was dining with the enemy.

He had to talk to her, get her to see that Dimera was only manipulating her and trying to come between them. It was so strange, but it seemed so much had happened recently… Looking at his watch as he stood in the elevator, he realized that an hour or more had passed, but he couldn’t remember anything… What was he doing all that time? And why did he feel so emotionally drained, and so confused… ‘What’s going on with me anyway?’

Stefano was enjoying the way the evening was progressing. Casting a subtle glance around the room, he noticed that the restaurant was not crowded but there were plenty of regular patrons, more than a few of John and Marlena’s acquaintances dotting the indoor landscape. He looked across the table and smiled as he commented, “Well, Marlena… I must say you make a delightful dinner companion. I thank you for agreeing to spend the evening with me.”

She was shocked to hear herself reply in kind, her expression a cross between a smile and a grimace, “Thank you, Stefano… it has been rather.. pleasant… “

He smiled in response, realizing it was a strange and decidedly unlikely turn of events, “And you’re surprised by that, aren’t you?”

“Oh, I guess I am… the last time I shared a table with you was not exactly… appetizing, Stefano,” she said, hiding the slight shudder she felt at revisiting that time in her life, even in distant memory. It was in part the motivation for her plan. She didn’t ever want to be held prisoner and more importantly she didn’t want to see John have to suffer that kind of torture again. The staged dinner event was a memory forever etched in her mind. Marlena could still see the agonized acceptance on his face as moisture filled his slightly distant but courageous eyes which met her tearful hazel ones, knowing that within a matter of minutes he would be in a state of drugged vulnerability, completely at Stefano’s mercy. Those misty blue eyes told her he would suffer anything if there were even the slightest chance it would keep her safe, and then he picked up the spoon. She felt the same way about him and hoped he knew how much she cared, as her fearful empathetic tears rolled untouched down her cheeks.

Stefano’s mind went there too, wishing she had not brought it up. He replied however, hoping to move on quickly, “Yes.. that was.. unfortunate.. but we are past all of that, are we not?” he asked after a heavy sigh. “I was able to save Roman, and he has given you and John his blessing. You are engaged to marry…you have two beautiful young children to raise… Life is good for you both, is it not?”

She smiled falsely, wondering what he was planning. He was being nice enough… so confidant, maneuvering, much like a black panther preparing to pounce on its unsuspecting prey. “Yes, it is… and I just want to make sure it stays that way, Stefano. That’s why I’m here… I want to leave the past as it is… As long as you leave us alone to live our lives in peace…John and I can do that. Are you willing to say the same?”

He laughed and admired her for her pluckiness, picking up his champagne flute as he replied, his tone sardonic, “Ah, Marlena… so you are here to make a bargain with the devil himself, is that it? I leave John alone and then the two of you, along with the entire Brady clan, will stop trying to find a way to persecute me? “

She frowned, then said soberly, “Well, if you must put it that way, I guess that’s basically it, yes. Although, prosecute is a more accurate term. However, I want to be able to live out my life with John and the children, without fear of reprisals from you. Kristen and Tony are dead, Stefano… and Peter is in jail. Let this vendetta go and we can all move on, maybe even find a way to be.. civil to each other as time passes.”

Stefano saw the perfect opportunity.. the timing was fortuitous, “Hmmm, it is an interesting proposition, Marlena.. shall we discuss it while we dance?”

Marlena was mortified… shaking her head and trying to get out of it without revealing her ongoing revulsion… her eyes fixed on a point over his left shoulder so as not to give herself away. “Dance… oh, no.. I don’t think so, Stefano…. ” she said, picking up her glass to sip at the golden fluid that had gone largely untouched thus far into the evening.

“Marlena… surely you’ll grant me the favor of sharing one dance. What possible harm can it do?”

Flashing on an imagined scenario in which John arrived at the wrong moment, she glanced around the room, realizing that he was probably not going to come anywhere near the place. Shaking off the sudden chill that wanted to claim her heart, Marlena reluctantly agreed, “Oh, alright… just one dance.. at arm’s length.. and we’ll talk about this issue of letting bygones be bygones…”

“Yes… I promise… may I?” he asked, turning on his version of charm.. standing up and smiling expectantly, then extending his right hand to guide her toward the dance floor. ‘Ah, John… I cannot wait… this is going to be priceless… how I wish I had the video camera to capture the moment… ha ha ha!’

Stefano made a subtle gesture and the melody began to play in short order… a piece perfect for the occasion…. One from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons… It was one he’d played for John before… As the memories melded together with the present situation, it would create a strong emotional reaction in his unwitting subject, ‘Oh, how delicious… this shall be John!’ he was thinking as he glided Marlena ever so smoothly around the dance floor.

Marlena knew it was a familiar piece too, but it wasn’t until she saw John storming toward them that she realized that Stefano had been playing her all along, leading her and the man she loved up to this exact point in time. All her plans with Shane were laid waste in this instant, and she concluded that Stefano did not need to see what was happening behind him; he knew because he expected it. Her dance partner smiled inside, watching her face fall as he heard the loud angry thud of cowboy boots on the tile flooring, knowing without a doubt that it was John Black who fast approached them.

She placed her hands on Stefano’s shoulders; his back was toward the restaurant’s entrance, as if even that were planned, and began pleading with him, “Don’t do this.. please don’t let this happen Stefano… don’t do whatever it is you’re planning.”

“Marlena… I have no idea what you are talking about. I simply asked you to dance.” She sighed worriedly and closed her eyes momentarily, knowing the brief window of time she had to prevent the impending altercation was already closed.

In another second, John’s thunderous voice screamed out his jealousy, “Get your filthy hands off her, Dimera!”

It was exquisite to see the response he was aiming for all along take place at precisely the proper instant. “Oh, John… what a nice surprise.. I didn’t realize you’d be joining us.. perhaps you’d like to cut in…” Stefano said with sickening pleasantry, as he moved in time with the music, turning himself and his partner toward the man who yelled.

John laughed harshly.. shooting Marlena a scathing glance that asked why she was in this man’s arms and dancing… She was wounded by a facial expression that hinted at accusation and looked away. He had no comment for her but to Stefano John said sarcastically, “Oh that’s a good one, Dimera… I gotta hand it to you.. you’re one smooth son of a bitch… but it’s not going to work.. I know what you’re trying to do here…. “

Stefano shook his and stifled a laugh…it was a textbook response… “John…John… really.. I think you’re becoming paranoid… you really should see someone.. a psychologist perhaps.. one who specializes in… what is that term you psychiatrists like to use, Marlena.. oh, yes.. repressed memory, that’s it…”

Marlena winced and didn’t look up, not needing to see John’s reaction to know what was coming. “John.. don’t,” she said in a whisper, realizing even as she started to speak that it was futile to intervene at this point. She tried another method, placing her hands on his upper arms.

Shrugging out of her light grasp and stepping between his fiance and Stefano, John’s anger and frustration about that very subject were more than evident, “You sick BASTARD!! I *will* get all my memories back and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it! And, when I do… you’re going down, Dimera!”

“We shall see, won’t we… I have grown so weary of this conversation, John. So, for now, let’s try to calm down… have a nice dance with your intended… why don’t you?” Stefano said with another wave of his hand as he turned and took a step away. A different classical piece began to play… part of Mozart’s Concerto No 21 in C Major and John reacted instantly… it was glorious. Stefano smiled with satisfaction as he felt John’s strong right hand on the back of his right arm.

Without further warning, John turned his enemy around, grabbed him by the collar of his suit and began to threaten him, his rage increasing by the moment. “I ought to end it right here and now, you sick bastard… You may have fooled *some* people… but I’ll never be convinced you can change.. you’re the same lousy excuse for a human being you always were, Stefano… and sooner or later, Abe, Roman, Bo and I… we’ll find something else you’ve done… and we’ll take you down.. once and for all time.”

“John….take your hands off of me… or I shall be forced to charge you with assault.”

“Oh, right…wouldn’t that be a good one… ” John said, gripping the collar more firmly, prepared to rough the man up a little.

Marlena had been moving to position herself between the two men. Then, just as John’s hand went back, as if he were ready to throw a punch, she stepped directly in the path his fist would have to take. “John… don’t do this… I think we should leave… let’s just go home now..”

Shaking his head, John declined the offer to exit gracefully. His emotions were on high. Fueled by the music and the trigger points the piece stimulated in his brain, he had little self monitoring ability at the moment. “Nope.. not until he gets what’s coming, Doc…” John said dodging his fiance, making it clear she could do nothing to stop him.

Stefano held his ground, loving every second of the tense encounter, enjoying the triumphant tenor of the current piece by Johan Sebastian Bach. “Perhaps you should listen to your fiance… she seems to have more… control than you do at the moment. You really should think about seeing someone concerning your anger, John… “

That was it; in his current state of mind, he couldn’t take any more taunting. John reared back and slugged his tormentor hard in the face with his right fist, drawing a healthy amount of blood from the man’s nose. In full view of a dozen patrons, Stefano Dimera went down with the punch. Marlena bent down to help him up, glaring at the perpetrator who seemed suddenly disoriented, as if he had no idea what had just happened, or even where he was. She didn’t notice the change in the music, which was no longer classical, caught up as she was assisting Stefano to stop the bleeding from his nose. John stood nearby, his body immobile, his eyes glazed over.

In another minute, Abe Carver, having been notified that some altercation was brewing, was rushing in to determine what the problem was, as a crowd gathered near the dance floor. His eyes saw the blood spattered on the floor, Marlena helping Stefano, and his best friend standing in the middle of the dance floor, somewhat absently examining his right hand, his knuckles split wide open and dropping bright red beads. “Marlena.. John… what happened here?” he asked, looking back and forth between the two of them, and making a quick assessment of his own.

Marlena was well occupied with Stefano and she wanted to witness John’s reply, and therefore remained silent. His response was delayed, his affect flat, “I uh… I don’t know… I came here… to talk to Doc… and I… I don’t know…”

“John, did you hit Stefano?” Abe said, wondering if asking his obviously confused friend would even help.

“I…I must have…..” he said, still sounding absent from the proceedings, but holding his hand out for Abe to see.. “But I don’t…remember, Abe.”

Something was wrong, that much was clear and Abe thought it best if his buddy took a seat for a few minutes while he tried to sort things out. “John… you look a little… tired.. how about if you sit down, while I go talk to Marlena…”

“Okay…” John said nodding slowly, still looking at his bleeding right hand as if it weren’t attached to his body, his expression one of total bewilderment. Abe guided him to sit down on one of the chairs nearby and then spoke to a uniformed policeman who had accompanied him to the scene, “Peters… I need you to watch him closely…and I want you to tell me what you’ve observed when I get back. “

“Yes sir, Commander.”

Abe glanced over at his friend again, remembering what happened on the day of Kristen’s funeral and wondering what in the world was happening to him. Shaking his head, he approached Marlena and Stefano Dimera. “Alright… suppose you two clue me in on what happened here tonight?”

Stefano answered immediately, doing his level best to sound wounded, “Ah, Commander Carver… I was having a delightful evening with Marlena… we had dinner and were sharing a polite dance between.. friends, when John stormed in here and started making threats and accusations. He wouldn’t leave us alone and when I suggested he dance with Marlena, he grabbed me and threatened me.. When I told him to stop, he hit me with great force, knocking me to the ground… I would like to press charges… John Black assaulted me… without provocation.”

“Without provocation.. you’re dancing with his fiance… I’d say that’s provocation enough for me… Stefano… come on.. let this go… “

“No.. I want him prosecuted to the full extent of the law, Commander Carver… he hit me in front of at least a dozen witnesses.”

“And, I’m sure that was exactly the way you had it planned…” Abe said muttering under his breath, taking out his pad of paper, preparing to take witness statements, according to police procedure.

Feigning offense, Stefano confronted the other man’s best friend, “What did you say, Commander… “Are you accusing me of lying? Marlena was here and she saw the whole thing… Marlena.. tell him..”

Wishing he didn’t have to even ask, he did so knowing from the disheartened look on her face that she had no choice but to confirm the monster’s story. It was all part of the sick bastard’s plan and Abe knew it but couldn’t prove it. “Did you see it…did it happen the way he described?”

She sighed with a weariness she couldn’t even put in words if she tried, then nodded and answered reluctantly, “Yes… I did… and it happened exactly the way he said it did. John came storming in here… like he was looking for a fight, Abe… Stefano didn’t threaten him in any way… but he did taunt him about his memory and his anger… I tried to stop him, but John… lost control and.. hit him…”

Stefano was gloating.. then verbalized it, “You see… now, I want you to arrest John Black… he assaulted me and I want him to suffer the consequences.”

“Damn you, Stefano… there are no words for what you’ve done to him.. to Marlena and so many other people in this town but I can’t charge you with anything anymore because of that damn pardon! And now you want to charge John for doing what should have been done a thousand times over… You make me sick!”

“Commander… do I have to go over your head?” Stefano quietly threatened.

“No… I’ll do it… I wouldn’t think of letting anyone else take him in…but I’m telling you something, Dimera… we’re still watching you… and one day… you’ll make a mistake… and then when you least expect it… we’ll get you.. Some day… you *will* pay for the evil you’ve done!”

Ignoring the challenge, Stefano responded very calmly indicating he was above all of that… “Ah, but Commander… you have it all wrong.. I’m not that same person anymore. I’ve changed… Kristen’s death has taught me some very important lessons…and with the help of people like Dr. Evans, who has graciously given me the benefit of the doubt, I am becoming a different man… a better man.”

Scoffing, Abe replied strongly, “Ha… right… I’ll *never* believe that… and I don’t think Marlena does either… Are you coming with me, Marlena?” he said as he gestured toward the man she loved.

“Yes… after I speak with Stefano for a moment.” Abe nodded, wanting to say something more, but thinking better of it. He had to trust that Marlena could see things for what they really were, and that the entire public confrontation scenario had been purposely orchestrated to accomplish some greater objective.

Waiting until there was no one else within earshot, Marlena wasted no time in addressing her dinner companion, “Alright, Stefano.. this has gone far enough.. you’ve more than proven your point… You didn’t respond to John’s anger… you didn’t threaten him… you even let him hit you without sending your goons after him… so, don’t press charges and I’ll believe you’ve really changed.”

“Marlena.. you saw him.. he’s not going to let it drop at this… he’s consumed with rage… and he wants to kill me… John will never let go of the past, Marlena… Surely you can see by now that he needs help to deal with his vengeful feelings toward me.”

Glancing over at her man, who was sitting with his head in his hands, her own worries going unvoiced, she argued with her dining companion, “No… Stefano, what I can see is that you’re taking advantage of the situation, just like you always do. You’re trying to hurt him.. and you said that you weren’t going to do that anymore. Yes, I’ll admit… I’ve been.. concerned about him since Kristen’s death… but I don’t think you’re helping the situation by pressing charges against him, embarrassing him this way.”

“I think he did a fine job of that on his own tonight… No, I’m forcing him to take responsibility for his actions… something you told me that I needed to do… and I have. I went public with my statement about my contribution to Kristen’s suicide… “

“Yes you did and that was a very important first step for you. Another is to leave John alone… to acknowledge that what you did to him caused him an immeasurable amount of pain, and therefore you should demonstrate some understanding of his anger toward you, and let this go.”

He was firm… knowing this was an important step toward his ultimate goal of causing the couple to part ways. “No… I’m sorry Marlena… I cannot… “

“Then our….friendship, as it were, is over Stefano.”

Stefano stared intently into fiery hazel….and sighed, realizing that she was completely serious… They were always alternatives… backup plans… other ways to get at the man. “Alright… I shall.. consider it… and give you my answer tomorrow morning.”

She nodded but said nothing further by way of persuasion, studying his expression, attempting to discern his ultimate motivation… “Alright then, goodnight..”

He gave her a light smile, saying quietly, “Goodnight… and thank you again for an… enjoyable evening.”

* * *
Without another word, she turned and headed toward the opposite side of the room. When she came upon her fiance and his best friend, John was rubbing his temples and trying to figure out what had happened to him during the past several hours. “John… what’s going on with you?” she asked, clearly quite irritated with his behavior, having thought he was moving beyond his hatred.

“I don’t know, Doc…. I really don’t know… I swear I just came here to talk to you…maybe persuade you to cut the evening short. I wasn’t planning on any of that happening..”

Abe was frustrated with his friend too and hating what he had to do next, saying with a weary sigh, “John, he wants to press charges. I have to arrest you and take you in.”

John’s eyes shot open and filled with anger again, “You’ve got to be kidding me… with everything he’s done to me? He really is a bastard… I swear he set this whole thing up…” he added, glaring at the wicked one, who was obviously delighting in what had happened.

Abe didn’t follow John’s line of sight, but knew what he was looking at, a gloating countenance on the bloody face of one Stefano Dimera. “Yes… but the fact is… from all outward appearances, John you assaulted him without provocation and he’s got the witnesses to prove it. There’s nothing I can do, John. I have to bring you in or he’ll take this over my head.”

“Damn… alright.. but.. you don’t have to put the cuffs on me, do you?”

“No… I won’t do that.. But, I would say you better call Mickey right away or you could be spending the night in jail. You know what kind of big guns Stefano will pull in… “

“I know… Damn him… no matter what we do… he finds a way to…”

“John… you hit *him!*” Suddenly, even his lady was yelling at him and it made his head spin, the pain of the headache that was building taking a definite turn for the worse as she did so.

The pain was bad enough, but it didn’t stop him from reacting defensively and yelling right back at her, “Dammit Marlena, I know that!.. but something happened to me.. I don’t know what it was… but I couldn’t..” John stopped short… his head pounding unmercifully again… something about the music… Not able to make sense of it, he gave up in discouragement, “Oh, never mind…”

“No, John… what is it?” she asked, her concern for his well being overshadowing her anger about the situation.

His face bore a puzzled expression, as if he were searching his mind for some piece of vital information… “I’m not sure, Doc…but I think that… maybe.. I remembered something important tonight… “

Just as she was about to ask him more about it, she looked up to see Paul Travers coming across the floor. “Oh, Marlena… John.. it’s good to see you.. I was… concerned about you, John.. have you…” He stopped when he saw their serious worried expressions… “What’s going on here..”

“He just… hit Stefano the man’s pressing charges. Abe has to arrest John…”

“Oh, John.. this is exactly what I was afraid of… so you didn’t tell her?”

“Tell me what?”

“John…. “

Now he was thoroughly confused, “What… what was I supposed to tell her?” he asked with complete innocence.

Paul was aghast, “You honestly don’t remember?” thinking it was a unhealthy sign.

“No… did I see you today, Doctor…” John asked, guessing from the man’s sober expression that something important had taken place earlier in the day.

“John…. you had a crisis… you called me to the house… you had a breakthrough…don’t tell me can’t remember any of that?”

Marlena and her fiance, John exchanged eye contact, and then asked at the same time, “He did?” ” I did?”

“Yes… you did… I can’t believe you don’t remember it, but if you don’t, John… then your… situation is even more… delicate than I first thought.”

Abe hated to break up such a crucial conversation, but needed to for official reasons, “Look… I know this is really important… but I have to take you in now, John… the squad car is waiting… Doctor, can you meet us all down at the station… what you have to say could have some impact in John’s case?” Abe asked, as he was steadying John on his feet.

The tall slender bespectacled man, nodded and agreed without a moment’s hesitation, “Yes, of course… I’ll be glad to….whatever I can do to help. “

Marlena was pleased with his response, and said so, “Thank you, Paul… I’ll ride with Abe and John… and we’ll meet you there… it sounds like we all have a lot to talk about, don’t we John?” she added, not quite glaring at her fiance.

John shrugged his shoulders and flashed a rather sheepish grin, hoping he could jog his memory on the way over to the Salem Police Department.

Sitting in the back seat of an unmarked cruiser driven by his best friend was infinitely preferable to riding down to the station in a standard police black and white. The whole thing was rather embarrassing and his head throbbed with pain, pounding unmercifully the more he pushed for the memories.

Noticing that her fiance was straining for the recollection, Marlena asked him about it, hoping something had come back to him, “John…can you tell me what happened tonight?”

Shaking his head, he replied honestly, “I don’t know, Doc… I really don’t remember… I was at the house.. I got one of those…” It pounded just thinking about it. “Ah…” he groaned involuntarily, his hands going immediately to the source of the pain.

She grimaced in sympathy, placing a hand on his upper arm… “Okay..okay… take it easy… so, you had another headache… and then… what?”

“I don’t know… after awhile.. I guess I must have felt a little better. I decided that maybe we should talk things over. So, I planned to see if you might consider cutting your dinner short and coming home with me, and I headed over to the Grille.”

Remembering the scene with Stefano.. she was trying to recall the look on John’s face.. laboring to glean any clues to his mental state at the time. It was no use… all she could see was that he was infuriated with the man, his jealousy flowing over. “And that’s the last thing you remember?”

“Yep…that’s it,” he said, frustrated, scratching his head, then rubbing at his temples.

Because he seemed so aware of what was happening at the time, she didn’t know quite whether to believe him and kept at it, “You have absolutely no memory of storming into the restaurant and fighting with Stefano?”

He was shaking his head, his expression clearly indicating that he was distressed by the gaps in his recollection, wondering what it meant in the grand scheme of things. “No, Doc… it’s all a blank… including what Dr. Travers was saying about me having some kind of a breakthrough tonight… I don’t remember any of it… “

“John, this is… serious,” she said worriedly. “I’m really starting to become concerned here.. you’re having…”

His eyes went shut briefly, as if that act would bring some images back… He blew out a loud sigh and said what he knew she was thinking but didn’t want to say… “Blackouts… I know… and I can’t explain it, Doc… maybe we should have Dr. Travers hypnotize me again… maybe something will come up that way. What do you think?” he asked, grasping for some solution.

There was a long wait for her response… it was disconcerting at best… “Well, I think you have a point, but I also think it’s very risky…. I’d like to hear what Paul has to say about what happened earlier tonight… then we’ll decide.”

“Alright.. that’s okay by me… I’m sure he can shed some light on this whole situation.”

Abe had remained silent thus far, but it wasn’t looking good from a legal perspective at the moment, “Yes… and maybe we can find a way to prevent Stefano from making life more difficult by pressing charges against you. John, you really don’t remember hitting him?”

He shook his head. “No.. there’s just nothing there… I don’t remember even arguing with the man, let alone slugging him. I swear it, Abe.” His friend only nodded, hoping the psychologist could offer some assistance, or at least enlighten them on the events of the evening, prior to John’s arrival at the Penthouse Grille.

After what seemed like a long trip, they finally made it to the station and headed toward the Police Commander’s office. Just as they were about to sit down to wait for the psychologist to arrive, Abe’s phone was ringing. He snatched it quickly, wondering what else might be going on at this hour, “Commander Carver.”

“Sir… it’s Johnson… I have some news for you, sir.”

“Yes, Johnson… what is it?” Abe asked curiously, sitting on the edge of his desk.

There was a brief pause and then the shocking statement, “That Dr. Travers you were telling me about… you’re not going to believe this… but his car just blew a tire, then ran off the road and hit a tree head on. He was killed instantly. So far, it looks like a freak accident.”

Abe swallowed hard and then expressed his shock reaction, almost falling backward into his chair, landing hard, “Oh my God!”

Having no idea what kind of crisis they were about to face, but realizing something terrible had taken place, both John and Marlena spoke at the same time, asking the same question, “What… oh, my God, what Abe?”

“Uh.. it’s Dr. Travers, he.. he’s dead, John….his car ran off the road… apparently it slammed into a tree; he was killed instantly.”

“Oh, no…” John slumped further down into the chair on which he was seated, overtaken by shock, feeling as if he’d been sucker punched in the gut, his wind having been knocked out of him. It was simply unbelievable.. the only person, other than Marlena, who had ever been able to help him remember his past… was dead.

Instinctively taking John’s hand, Marlena asked the question John wanted to ask, “Do they know why… what happened to cause the crash?”

“Apparently, he blew a tire… he lost control and smashed head on into a tree. It was just an accident, as far as they can tell at the scene.”

Marlena turned to her fiance and spoke in soft tones, expressing her concern, “John… I’m sorry… I know you liked him.. and he was helping you. I’m so sorry…”

Nodding to acknowledge her comments, John fought back the pain of loss and focused on what was most important to him in the aftermath. Looking at his friend, he made a request, “Abe… could you uh… make sure that my records are safe… the ones in his office… “

“Sure, John… I’ll get someone on it right away.” His best friend was concerned about his privacy and had a right to be. Turning away from them, Abe Carver stood up and went to the door, then spoke to one of his officers, who swiftly left the area, presumably to begin the process of requesting a Judge’s permission to do exactly as John suggested.

* * *
Three hours later, with some help from Mickey, John was at home with Marlena and the kids. The couple was lying in bed, still stunned and not talking much, when the phone rang…”Hello,” John said, picking it up and hoping it was some good news for a change.

He heard Abe’s voice on the line, his tone apologetic, “John, I’m sorry to call you so late, but I thought you should know… I was able to get a warrant and I went over with a detective to search Dr. Traver’s offices for your file… there wasn’t one.”

“You’re kidding…” John said, sitting up straight in bed, disbelieving and yet somehow cognizant that it was what he’d known would be the outcome of such a search when he made the request. Prior to this unfortunate evening, however, he’d never seen it coming. Stefano seemed so disinterested in John’s doings, and therefore was able to blindside his unsuspecting enemy.

“No, there was no record of your ever having been there at all… No appointments listed on the books, nothing, John.”

Heaving a heavy sigh, John shared his reaction, “That means only one thing, Abraham, Paul Travers’ death was no accident, and we both know who was responsible for it. “

“Dimera… ” Abe said after a pause, stating the painfully obvious conclusion, wincing when he saw the look on his wife’s face. She had been changing her opinion of the man, believing wholeheartedly in his so-called transformation.

“You got it… now how do we prove it?” John said, wishing there were an easy answer. The madman was always at least one step ahead of them.

“I don’t know, John…. but we’ll find a way, somehow we’ll find a way,” Abe replied firmly.

His sigh of exasperation was audible… “Well, anyway….thanks for calling, partner.. I’ll be down at the station in the morning… and we can figure out where to go from here.”

“No, John… you have to stay out of it… now we know that the scene at the restaurant was definitely a set up… evidently, he’s got a lot more planned for you.”

He felt the anger rising by the minute, ready to flare out of control into a raging inferno, but he labored to remain calm, at least for the moment, “Yea… I know… and I want to be there to take him down. “

Abe sought to appeal to reason, praying his buddy would go along with him on this one, “John… please…you need to lay low and let me handle this… if something else happens between you and Stefano before this assault charge is settled… you’ll be in serious trouble. Please, John…. for your sake and Marlena’s… stay out of this. I promise to keep you posted on the investigation.”

How he hated it when Abraham was right.. “Okay… I’ll let it go for now.. good night.” It was a lie, but there was no point in arguing at this time of night. He could deal with it later.

His lover waited for just a moment before asking the question that begged, “Honey… what was that all about?”

Hesitating for just a moment, still processing the reality of his situation, John replied quietly, feeling resigned, “It seems that the records of my sessions with Dr. Travers are missing.”

“All of them?”

Nodding, he confirmed it, “Yep, all of them… there’s no record that I was ever there.”

She was in a state of shock and restated the obvious, feeling awful for him and more than a little worried, “Oh, honey… he’s dead, there’s no record of your progress, and you can’t remember.”

Nodding, he sighed again, and then confirmed her recounting of his unfortunate circumstances, “Right.. we’re back at square one…. I got nothing on Dimera… and he’s got me on an assault charge with lots of witnesses, including my lovely bride to be. How incredibly convenient for him,” John answered, a sardonic smile creeping across his tired face.

She grimaced…and reached for him, her hand landing on his slumped shoulder, soon traveling toward his cheek… “Oh, John… I’m sorry about all that, really… I realize now that he set the whole thing up.. but I had to tell Abe what I saw.”

Shaking his head, John rose from the bed with a weary sigh, walking about the room, pondering the master manipulator’s next move. “And that’s exactly what he was counting on. Damn that bastard! I wonder what he’s up to…”

Suddenly, Marlena realized that it wasn’t a good idea to hold back on what she’d been doing in light of the situation he now faced. It was confession time and she had to seize the moment or miss it altogether, “John… I uh… I have a confession to make… and you… well, you aren’t going to like it.”

“What… honey, what are you talking about?”

She wanted to soften the blow a little, to find a way to explain it so that he would truly understand, but recognized that the longer it was drawn out, the more difficult it would be. Therefore, she just said it, “John, I was…working with Shane… to get some evidence on Stefano… that’s why I was having dinner with him tonight and why I planned those other two lunch meetings. “

His eyes shot open wide, and his voice jumped several decibels, “You’re kidding me, right?” he asked, tilting his head to meet her slightly hidden gaze.

“No, I’m not… but I realized in the moment he stood up to dance with me that he was the one in the driver’s seat, John. He knew…. The whole time, he must have known… and he planned the whole scene right down to the split second timing of your arrival.”

He crossed the distance between them quickly, to take her by the shoulders, admonishing her strongly, “My God, Doc… I can’t believe that you would take that kind of risk… knowing what he’s capable of… why, why did you do it?”

Tears sprang to her eyes… and her concern for him spilled out of trembling lips, “For you, John… I did it for you… I was worried about you… honey, something’s been going on… since the time of Kristen’s death.. and I heard a phone call he made to you… it was some piece of.. classical music playing… like that time right before Maison Blanche…when he was sending you those puzzle pieces? John, I was afraid of what might happen and I wanted to help you, so I decided that he would never suspect me and I planned to use his need for my approval and friendship against him.”

To think of what might have happened was nearly overwhelming… frightening beyond belief… Caressing the tender skin of her cheeks, he continued along the same lines, “Oh Doc! I love you for wanting to help.. but that was foolish… and so incredibly dangerous… Please… don’t you ever do something like that again, honey… I’d never forgive myself if something else happened to you because of me.” Upon seeing the frightened agreement in her moist hazel eyes as she nodded her head, John drew her close to his body, wrapping his arms securely around her.

She felt safe and protected and responded the way she knew he wanted her too. “I won’t… I promise…I just love you so…” she said, still tearful and wondering what else the monster had planned for them. She was quite unnerved by the fact that Stefano had read her so easily, having set the couple up for significant difficulties, even as he appeared to be changing and enjoying the newfound civility between them.

“And l love you, Marlena.. more than I can ever say…. Please, from now on… just let Abe and the boys handle Dimera.” She was nodding, a few tears trickling out of her worried eyes, “Okay… honey, okay.”

* * *
Across town, Lexie and her husband were just beginning to have a rather intense discussion. “The fact is that John hit my father in front of a restaurant full of people… Admit it, Abe.. for once… Stefano is the innocent one. You have no proof that the incident was part of some grand plan… and there is not a shred of evidence to demonstrate that he had anything to do with that accident or the fact that John’s file is missing from Dr. Traver’s office! You said he went to see John at the Penthouse.. maybe he took the file to do some documentation and then left it at home… By any chance did you think to check there?”

He was embarrassed to admit the truth, and did so reluctantly, “No.. come to think of it, we didn’t, Lexie..”

“Well, before you start accusing people, you better get your facts straight!” she said angrily at the same time as she was rising off the bed and heading toward the bathroom.

Abe Carver sat on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor, breathing out a long heavy sigh, and watching her walk away. He feared that this was going to be one very long night, for himself as well as his best friend across town, all because of one infuriating man by the name of Stefano Dimera.

When Bart walked into the sitting room, his boss was sipping at a Brandy and Bart couldn’t help but comment on what he saw, “Stefano… don’t you think it’s a little early to be celebrating…..how can you be so sure about this?”

“Because I know John Black…I know the way he thinks and I know the way he feels….how he reacts…. better than he knows himself… Trust me Bart, he will be here…and very soon… Mark my words…”

In another minute, there was commotion near the front door of the Mansion. A wicked gleam in his eyes, Stefano laughed heartily upon hearing the loud angry voice of his greatest adversary, “Ha ha ha!! What did I tell you?”

All that Rolf and Bart could do was shake their heads and retreat into the background to let the master play his game… marveling at their employer’s remarkable insight into his enemy’s psyche, his intricate planning, and his high precision timing.

“Dammit Dimera… I know you’re in there… come out here and face me like a man, you lousy bastard!” Stefano laughed and glanced at his watch… John was right on time. No matter how well he told himself he knew the man, it still amazed Stefano how incredibly accurate he could be in predicting his enemy’s course of action. No matter what he might have been rumored to agree to in the past two weeks, John was not going to sit back and let things unfold. Besides the troubling shadowy photographs that had been delivered to the house a day or two ago (via Sami and Eric by way of the private investigator they thought they hired), there were even more substantial problems. Dr. Travers was dead and John’s patient file was missing. Therefore, John found himself with no substantial memories or evidence against the man who was once his captor and always his tormentor. Unfortunately for John, the investigation into the Psychologist’s death had been conducted and the car accident was proven to be just that….a tragic accident. Therefore, the case was reluctantly closed by the investigating officers, Bo Brady and Abe Carver. It was 9:00 on the morning after the decision was made, and as predicted, John Black was standing on the stoop of the Dimera Mansion pounding on the door.

Answering the door himself, Stefano greeted his anticipated visitor pleasantly, “John, John, John… you do not have to shout to get my attention. Now, what is it you want this morning? I should think you might like to steer clear of me for a time, considering what happened the last time we were in the same room together.”

Stepping across the threshold without express permission, John launched into the man, “Cut the crap, Stefano… you and I both know that whole thing was a set up. Everything that’s happened these past few weeks… and now Dr. Travers is dead and all traces of my sessions with him are missing.. You and I both know that’s no coincidence Stefano… “

Without specifically denying it, he did the same, “Oh, John… I’m so sorry to hear that… was he the one helping you to.. recover your memories? What a shame… and all the records too? I must say… what is the world coming to?”

“Damn you..Old Man! It doesn’t matter what you say… I just came to warn you… we’re going to find a way to prove it was you, Dimera… I swear it, if it’s the last thing I do…”

Ah, the perfect moment to begin his experiment. “Oh, John… why bother? It’s all such a monumental waste of time..”

Thinking it was only the standard evasive maneuver, John asked the next logical question, his gaze tightening to observe the man’s response, “Why is it a waste of time to find the evidence to put you away? In spite of what’s happened.. you know.. eventually, I *will* get it all back and then we’ll put you away for the rest of your miserable life.”

It would be glorious to gloat, but he had to take it slow… Laying the bait was the first part of his fun, “I would not be too sure of that if I were you, John…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” John asked curiously. It was so strange… Stefano could lead him down a path, even when he knew it wasn’t the right way to go. He was somehow compelled to follow these kinds of discussions to their logical ending point, no matter where they took him.

“Whatever you believe it to mean,” Stefano said, rubbing his hands together and turning his back to wait. Mind games were a thing of beauty and he was perfecting the art, moment by moment, especially when it came to the mind of John Black.

“What the hell are you talking about, Stefano?”

“Well, John….you seem to think that all you have to do is remember your past and everything will be perfect for you.. ” he said snapping his fingers to illustrate his point. “The Black Knight will be captured and sent off to the dungeon while you, the White Knight, shall live happily ever after with the Fair Maiden, Marlena…in a beautiful castle.. is that it?” he said, making a grand gesture with his right arm, turning back to face his enemy.

He had to laugh at the images the other man’s words created in his mind.… “Something like that, yea…”

“What if I can prove otherwise…. Would you like a demonstration, John.. of say an… alternate reality that might arise should you regain all of your memories?”

He was puzzled at best and admittedly a little curious but wary. “Demonstration.. what the hell are you talking about? What kind of demonstration?” Before he could hear the reply, he found his head clouding over, swiftly becoming lost in some kind of mental fog, a vague awareness that there was a piece of music playing in the background and that he had walked right into a trap of his own making.

* * *
Stefano Dimera, criminal master of the mind, luxuriated in the knowledge that his experiment was a total success, realizing it meant that there was nothing more to worry about. The classical music piece he’d chosen had done the trick once again, triggering the exact chain of reactions he sought, initiating the process of mind control. The John Black problem was taking care of itself quite nicely.

Smiling with wicked satisfaction, he waited and observed his subject closely. The man’s eyelids were fluttering wildly, the blue eyes behind them filled with agony, an agony their owner thought he would never face again, but John was feeling the pain of knowing he could be controlled at any given moment. The other dark haired man smiled with sheer delight for the bitter reality that was about to hit his enemy full force. He watched and waited patiently… This was truly a moment to be savored.

“Welcome back, My Pawn… ha ha ha!” he chided.

His unwitting captive tried to deny it, his voice a barely audible horrified whisper, “No….” even as he became cognizant that Stefano had just successfully put him in a trance with very little fanfare.

“Ah, yes…. you know it’s true, John… I just proved it… do you remember what you did just now… Anything at all, John?” he taunted.

He swallowed hard…his throat tight with the fear of what would follow… there were no words for that, and the pain of admitting it to himself was unbearable, let alone saying it aloud, “No…. nothing, I remember.. nothing,” he finally said, sounding utterly defeated, shutting his eyes a shaking his head as he instinctively tilted it downward.

“Look at your watch, John… do you see the time that has passed… and you have no idea how you spent those 60 minutes… do you, my Pawn? Would you like to see?” His tone dripping with vindictive sadism, Stefano observed as the panic reaction set in… it was glorious… The man’s breathing quickened and his heart was racing… John glanced at his watch… his facial expression changing from shock to one of sheer terror as his enemy cued up the video he’d taken of the previous hour or so. The sound of the VCR engaging redirected his attention and he wished he could run, but there was nowhere to go, no way to escape the inevitable.

They were on the back section of the Dimera estate. John was dressed in military attire and he held a gun… a standard U.S. military issue semi-automatic pistol with a silencer attached. A few yards away were two dogs, chained to a pole in the center of the barn type structure in which they stood. John watched closely as the man on film proceeded to slowly and methodically kill the dogs. It didn’t happen quickly… he made them suffer first, wounding them in several places so that they bled to death in excruciating pain. “Oh, God…” At its zenith, he raced for the bathroom he knew was off the foyer, having lived in the mansion at one time.

When he came back, he was white as a ghost and visibly shaken. He looked up at a freeze frame of his face in the video. It was him, there was no doubt about it. He was that heartless torturer and he almost seemed to be enjoying it. “Oh my God,” John cried, again shaking his head to deny the reality of what he saw. “No.. no…” It simply couldn’t be real.

Stefano waved his hands toward the screen, enjoying every second of the other man’s pain, “You see… I tried to warn you, John.. I warned Marlena too. I told her that if you went digging into your past you might learn something you didn’t want to know about those missing years.”

John was speechless…. he stared in total disbelief at the carnage. He had absolutely no memory of it… Looking down at his hands, strangely feeling as if they weren’t attached, holding them before him…he noted that they were shaking and he couldn’t will them to stop, just as he was trembling internally. “Oh, God…. I don’t.. remember any of it… How is that.. possible?” John was asking through quivering lips, starting to realize what he had to do, even as he spoke the question with an obvious answer he didn’t want to hear.

Stefano was glowing with superiority, relishing the bitter irony of it all, “Because, John… you are still my Pawn… and you will always be under my control…. whenever I choose…” He paused for effect, enjoying the show, beads of sweat appearing on the forehead of his enemy, “Well, actually… the procedures we performed on you… although they were cutting edge at the time, were very crude, and these.. ” Again, Stefano stopped, tormenting his victim incessantly, then continued as he gestured toward the television screen, “…how shall we say… ‘violent tendencies,’ they might just suddenly reappear. One never knows for certain.”

Again, he observed John closely… seeing the realization come full circle. First the denial, then raging anger, bargaining, depression, and finally the surrender of acceptance as the video replayed before his devastated blue eyes. John knew that he had no choice but to accept the unimaginable as truth. “You Bastard! Damn you… Damn you to HELL!”

“Ah ah… temper temper… You brought this on yourself, John… you wouldn’t let it go.. you had to keep pushing… going to see a Psychotherapist for hypnosis… and now look what you’ve discovered about yourself. I did try to warn you…..”

“What did I *do* for you Old Man? TELL ME!” John demanded, rushing toward the puppet-master, intending to choke the truth out of him. It had been so long…and the lousy Bastard was still pulling his strings and torturing him with it… it was unbearable… the not knowing….

Two of the evil man’s henchmen were at his side in an instant, appearing as if from out of the woodwork to hold him back, at arm’s length. Stefano laughed as John burned with helpless rage and the fear of wondering what atrocities he had committed while outwardly appearing to be a devout Catholic Priest. “Wasn’t that enough John… What you saw just now… that was child’s play, use your imagination, and you’ll figure it out,” he said to taunt the man, purposely only hinting at the real thing.

Still struggling against the strength of several massive arms, he argued and pushed for more, “No… I need to know! Hell, you *want* me to know, don’t you?” John hissed through clenched teeth. “All that about me not finding out… that was all part of the game… you wanted me to find out, but not until YOU were ready for it to happen, when it would cause the most damage!” he shouted, desperately wishing he had the gun in his hands now. It wouldn’t take but a second and the sick monster would be wiped off the face of the earth. His heart was aching, racing with powerful chemicals that fueled his lean but muscular body with murderous fury.. fury he could not unleash, though he continued to fight for release from the human restraints.

Stefano smiled and nodded in a way that hinted of fatherly pride, saying, “Ah… you do know me quite well, John… I credit you that… but you were the one who forced this… You kept pushing, so I gave you a simple.. demonstration… and now you have the truth of my lasting power over your mind.” Using silence so effectively, he waited until that last statement had penetrated his adversary’s vulnerable defenses and then added the coup de grace…. “For all you know, I could have taken you at any given moment… made you do my bidding and put you back… you would have no memory of what you’d done… Brilliant, if I do say so myself.”

It was soul shattering… “No… I… I would…” he started to say, wanting to believe that he would have sensed something, that he would have figured out what was happening to him at some point. The feeling of dread that followed was nearly overwhelming to him… what if it were true…. What if all along, he’d been forced to do things… and never remembered any of it? Was that even possible… how was *any* of it possible? Oh God… “No, I would…know… I would….feel..something…” he said, wishing it to be true….It was crushing to look within his soul and doubt the sense of certainty in the kind of man he’d become since those early days without even a name to call himself. John stopped, his head dropping down, his voice trailing off into a desperately sad and fearful whisper of protest.. “No…no…”

“You were saying, John… ” Stefano reminded, pointing to the video footage they’d just seen.

There was no avoiding the heart-wrenching truth of what he’d just done, and he cried out in his intense distress, “Oh.. God! You are SO sick.. and you are going to pay for this, I swear it! Somehow, some day you are going to pay what you’ve done to me!”

Stefano only laughed derisively, and changed the subject, effectively plunging the knife deeper into the already bloody wound, “You know, John, I hate to cut you short… but weren’t you supposed to be someplace this afternoon? Ah, yes.. I remember.. aren’t you planning to wed the fair Marlena?” he asked, making it a point to look at his watch, tapping on the glass to drive the issue home. “I should think you might like to go and get.. cleaned up a bit, eh… ” he taunted, reveling in the bitter terrified anguish he saw in the other man’s moist blue eyes.

It was all John could do not to fall apart on the spot… there was a flood of tears begging to form in his eyes. His whole world was crumbling, all his hopes and dreams for a future with the woman he loved dying an agonizing death, as those two helpless animals had so recently died. He didn’t have the strength to say anything further as Stefano continued to laugh… taunting him by turning up the sound of the dogs pleading wails which soon permeated his adversary’s heart, each cry causing unimaginable pain. It wasn’t much longer until John began to comprehend the meaning and the pinpoint timing of the demonstration. He knew what he had to do, and he knew that *this* moment was what Stefano had planned for him all along. To let him get so close to having all his dreams come true and then snatch them from his longing hungry grasp. Near the release of tears, he managed to maintain his control long enough to spit out one last condemnation that only brought another perverse smile to the man’s face. “You lousy BASTARD!!”

The henchmen let him go, and John staggered away from the scene shaking his head, barely making it to his Jeep, where the anguish resulting from the task he now believed was necessary took over… “Oh Doc… I’m so sorry for what I have to do…. but I can’t risk it… I could hurt you or the kids and never even remember it. I.. can’t marry you, Marlena.” As he envisioned the pain he was about to cause her, he cried out like the savior wishing he didn’t have to leave the Garden of Gethsemane to face the pain that lay ahead, “Oh, God… find a way… please… don’t make me let her go… please.. help us find a way to be together!”

* * *
She was sitting in the bride’s room, her friends gathered all around, preparing for her wedding when a feeling of overwhelming dread suddenly filled her heart. She had been looking in the mirror admiring the gorgeous gown she wore, gazing at the stunning diamond engagement ring on her finger and musing about the moment the gold wedding band was placed there along side it. That pleasant reverie came to an end quite abruptly. In her heart, she suddenly knew something was terribly wrong… and it had to do with her groom. He was suffering somehow… his mind foggy with grief, his eyes blinded by salty liquid… As she looked in the mirror and labored to make sense of her internal spirit oriented experience, there was a soft knock at the door. Her heart leaped… maybe it was her love coming to tell her there was no need for pre-wedding jitters, that all was well and good.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t what happened. At the door was her good friend, Lexie Carter, who had come to deliver an envelope. Marlena recognized the admittedly shaky handwriting immediately as soon as she laid eyes on her own name. It was from her intended and it wasn’t a letter of best wishes from a happy groom. It was her deepest darkest nightmare coming to the light of day… her day, their day.

Laura, who was sitting to her left, and Maggie to her right, said nothing at first, letting her friend absorb the initial meaning of the moment. Then, Lexie spoke quietly, “Marlena… I think you know that’s from John. He just came to the church… he wasn’t dressed for the wedding. Nobody knows anything about what happened…. except that whatever it was had him terribly shaken up. John was very upset.. he handed this letter to Abe, asked him to give it to you and then rushed off without another word. We were all in shock and he managed to drive away before any of us could stop him… I’m sorry.”

She didn’t want to read it… she knew what it was about. He was running from something very painful, something that he perceived would hurt her, something Stefano set in motion more than twelve years earlier. Still, she was compelled to learn the details, painful as it would be for her to read what had to be a goodbye letter from the man she loved with all her heart, mind, body and soul. Briefly, she glanced at her two oldest and dearest friends, who met her gaze and nodded but said nothing. Their silent exchange meant she had to read it and she wanted their support afterward, whatever came. They stepped outside to give her some privacy.

With trembling hands, she opened the envelope, took out the letter and began to read……

My dearest Marlena,

Today was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. Unfortunately, that is not meant to be. I have learned of my past life and there are things about me you wouldn’t want to know, terrible things I have done. The worst part of it all is that I did them without any memory of them. Stefano set up a little demonstration for me today to prove how much control he still has over me. Marlena, when I saw first hand what I’m capable of doing without any conscious awareness of it, I realized I had no choice but to leave you. I’m so sorry, but I can’t marry you, Doc. I can’t risk your life or the children’s, so the only thing for me to do is to leave before I hurt you, even more than I already have, or anyone else for that matter.

But, before I go, I need for you to know how much you have touched my life, how you’ve made me grow, how you’ve filled my heart and soul. Marlena, your love has given me strength and courage to face some of the worst experiences that life has to offer and it’s given me my greatest pleasure, such joy. As long as I live, I will never forget what you’ve done for me or the love we shared.

Unfortunately, loving me has caused you so much pain and I just…couldn’t live with myself if I were the one to hurt you again. So, I have to go now… Please know that I will ALWAYS love you! No matter how far apart we are, No matter where I am or what I do in my life, I will love you and I will think of you every day. You cannot know how sorry I am to be hurting you like this, but I truly believe it is the only way to save you more suffering later on. I can only pray that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me for making this decision without talking to you about it first. I just knew that you would find a way to talk me out of it. I am so very sorry, my love, my Soulmate.

Goodbye Doc,

John

She looked at the paper very closely… it was written in the heat of the moment, fast and with trembling hands… and there were several places where it looked as if some liquid had dropped on the paper. Clearly, he’d been weeping when he wrote it and the meaning of that was not lost on anyone. Lexie, Laura and Maggie stood in the doorway and waited. When they heard the sound of her crying, they entered cautiously.

Marlena looked up with moist eyes and cried, “He left me… because of his past. Stefano… he.. he did something, some sort of a demonstration, John said… and it… It made him… believe that he would hurt me somehow. Oh.. Laura.. Maggie…Lexie.. he left me in order to protect me… He’s gone… John is really gone!”

Marlena dried her eyes and looked to her close friends to help her with a very difficult and painful task, telling their family and other guests that at the very least, the wedding of John Black and Marlena Evans had to be postponed. She couldn’t bear to think in terms of a long future without him; it was more than enough to cope with the moment in front of her, and following that, finding a way to survive the next few hours.

Laura was standing there, holding a box of tissues and feeling basically helpless. “Marlena… I’m so sorry…. I don’t know what to say…”

Holding back a flood of emotion, Marlena gazed tearfully at the letter in her right hand and voiced her wishful thinking, looking up at a handful of the couple’s best friends, “Tell me that this is just a nightmare I’m having…. tell me that he’ll be… standing at the altar waiting for me when I’m ready to walk down the aisle.”

Abe, who had recently entered the room, shook his head, having shared the same thought pattern, as he put a comforting hand on her slumped shoulder. “You don’t know how much I wish I could, Marlena…. We all do…” he said, gesturing to their closest friends, Lexie, Shawn and Caroline Brady, Bo and Hope, Carrie, Mike, Mickey and Maggie Horton.

Her anger flared and she yelled in her frustration, “It’s all because of Stefano…. whatever he did has John convinced that he could hurt me, Abe…. I HATE that Bastard!”

“I know, and so do I…. I just wish I knew where to go to find John,” offered Abe, wondering where his good friend might have gone, if he’d left town already.

Hope, who was standing near Abe when John came in looking so downtrodden… “He must be hurting so much… Marlena… he looked…completely heartbroken. I know this wasn’t what he wanted.”

Putting an arm around the woman he loved, Bo agreed, recalling the anguished expression in John’s slightly hidden blue eyes when he handed the letter to Abe… “She’s right Marlena… I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look that bad…except maybe another time when he thought he’d lost you.”

She nodded.. the letter told her that much. John had to be in agony over the choice he’d been forced to make. “Find him Bo… Abe… please can you go find him and make sure that he’s okay?”

Abe took her hand to reassure her and then gave her a gentle reminder, “We will… don’t worry, Marlena, but first someone needs to go out there and tell all the guests that….that there won’t be a wedding today…”

Maggie volunteered for the unenviable job, giving her friend’s hand a gentle squeeze, “I’ll announce it, if that’s alright with you, Marlena…” and Marlena nodded as a fresh round of tears fell from her wounded eyes.

Lexie, who wisely remained quiet, went with Maggie and Hope while Laura and Carrie stayed, sensing that Marlena needed someone to be with her, but not a crowd. The others left in silence. As they were about to close the door, Bo looked in one last time and said, “Marlena… we’ll catch up with him and we’ll get him to realize that backing down like this isn’t the way to handle whatever it is Dimera’s got going.”

Again, all she could do was nod, as a trickle of tears rolled down her flushed red cheeks. This was supposed to be the day that all their dreams came true, the day they could finally put the past to rest and embrace their bright future without reservation. Now she wondered if the past would ever leave them alone. Maybe a dream was all they ever had, their hopes for a long and happy marriage a hazy idyllic dream that somehow faded with the bright light of a new dawn.

Laura held her while she wept, the streaks of moisture ruining the light cover of makeup. She didn’t care, not about how she looked, not if John couldn’t be there to gaze at her with those deep blue eyes filled with everlasting love, sharing their joy with all the people who loved them. It made no sense. John was so very much in love with her, so happy that she was finally going to become Mrs. John Black.

Her mind began to ask questions, to delve into various possibilities. So what could have happened to change all that? What could Stefano possibly have said and done to him to make him think he had to let her go? John was not one to back down from a direct challenge… or to walk away from the kind of love he felt for Marlena… he’d just spent several months fighting for her when she seemed to waver in her commitment after Roman’s return. So whatever it was… it had to be soul shattering, something about him… some terrible secret from his past that he perceived could hurt her more than leaving her without saying goodbye.

Whatever it was, she knew it had to be a lie fabricated by the master manipulator Stefano Dimera in order to break up the couple at the time when they both believed all the pain and suffering were behind them. The timing was too perfect and she didn’t believe for even one minute that John would ever put her in harms way, let alone be the cause of such. ‘Oh, where are you, John? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What did he do to make you believe you would cause me more pain by staying with me than by leaving me?

* * *
Sami and Eric labored to hide their glee at the turn of events They didn’t want their mother to suffer like this, but they believed that she was better off without John. “She’ll get over it eventually and then maybe Dad will have another chance with her,” Sami said, careful to speak in hushed tones, even though they were in a relatively private alcove outside the church.

“Do you really think so, Sami… I wonder… you know what Mom told me the other day when we showed her those files… she doesn’t care about what’s in John’s past because she knows Stefano controlled him. She believes in John completely; she trusts him with her life.”

Sami was smiling like the Cheshire cat in the children’s story. “She won’t now, Eric… because I have one more thing to show her… one more item that will end things between Mom and John forever..’

He narrowed his gaze and asked out of curiosity, “And what’s that… “

“This… ” She pulled out a large envelope. “This is the final nail in John’s coffin,” she said, handing it over to her twin brother.

“What is it, Sami… don’t keep me waiting!” Eric gasped as she excitedly pulled the item out of the envelope for him. “Oh my God, Sami… that’s…. ” he exclaimed, his shock obvious.

She nodded triumphantly, her voice matching her expression, “Yep… it’s John alright… and look what he’s doing….”

Suddenly, Eric didn’t want to go any further… knowing how much it would upset their already heartsick mother, “Oh, Sami… if she sees this….”

Again, his sister smiled wickedly, “I thought the same thing the minute I saw it too…. Come on, let’s take it to her now… ” she said, tugging on his arm, wanting to further the permanency of the breakup.

Just as they turned to go, they bumped into a curious onlooker, “So you two… what are you whispering about over here?”

“Dad!” Sami said, trying to hide her shocked reaction. Thinking quickly, she asked the expected question, trying to muster genuine concern for the feelings of her Mother, which wasn’t altogether false, even if she did believe the split was the best thing in the long run. “Uh, hi… how’s Mom doing?”

“About as horrible as you might expect a woman would be when her fiancée has just left her waiting at the church.”

“Did he write her a letter, leave her a message, anything?” Sami asked, already having a fair idea of what happened because of Stefano Dimera’s hints.

“Yes… he left a letter with Abe…. said something about a demonstration Stefano did for him. I guess it made John believe he could hurt your Mother so he left, in order to protect her.”

“Sounds like the coward’s way out to me,” said Eric, sensing his father’s disapproval of John’s actions.

Roman met his young son’s eyes and disarmed him, “Eric… despite what has happened between John and I… he’s no coward… Whatever Stefano did… it made John question himself… and if he’s scared for your Mother’s safety because of that… it just might be that he did the right thing by leaving… “

Sami was surprised by that response to the situation, thinking her father would be quick to condemn John, “So you’re saying it’s okay that he just left her here alone and crying? How could you support that, Dad?”

He shook his head and clarified his position, “No, I’m saying… I’m sure John did what he thought was right… and it has to be killing him… Whatever we may all think of him.. there’s one thing I do know.. and that is John loves your Mother, Sami…he loves her deeply, and he would walk through fire if he thought it would save her.”

She scoffed at that remark, hating it when people talked about John like he was some kind of a superhero saving damsels in distress.. “Sure… and so would you, Dad… so, anyway.. what can we do for her? How can we help her get through this?”

As much as he had wished John out of the way, Roman didn’t really want her to be hurt this way and if the kids could help, he would welcome their assistance in giving Marlena what she needed. “You can keep on loving her.. and supporting her. The next few days and weeks are going to be really hard on your Mother… and the best thing you can do is try not to tear John down any more than you already have… She loves him very much… we can’t change that… If he doesn’t come back, for whatever reason… in time, she’ll learn to let him go, but it won’t happen because you keep telling her what a bad guy he is and how she’s so much better off without him, okay?”

“Okay… we’ll try… right Sami?” Eric said nodding his head, feeling more than a little guilty about his recent conduct.

Holding the picture behind her back, Sami pasted a smile on her face, crossed her fingers and feigned agreement, “Right.”

After their Father walked away, the twins made their way toward the bride’s room, slipping the envelope under the door, along with a typewritten note explaining the source of the picture and the motivation for sharing it with her. There was no mention of either of them, of course. Their Mother would better receive and accept the reality of the scene depicted, no matter how distressing, if it did not come from her children, who were trying to convince her not to marry the man in that photograph.

Laura was the first to notice the item near the door, leaning down to pick it up. “Marlena, there’s something else here for you.”

“Oh, what is it? Is if from John?” she asked, wiping her eyes and hoping for something more positive.

“I don’t know… here…” When Marlena didn’t reply Laura offered to find out for her, “Do you want me to open it?”

“Could you… I’m still so shaky… ” she said, looking at her trembling hands, trying to stop the motion.

“Sure… ” said Laura pleasantly, opening the metal fastener to pull out a set of three pictures, all clearly displaying a man she hardly recognized at first glance, but one who upon closer examination was revealed to be the man who’d so recently stood up his fiancée. “Oh my gosh, Marlena! It’s… I can’t believe this, but I think that John…”

“What… what is it, Laura?” Marlena asked, alarmed by the tone of her friend’s voice, reaching for the items in question. Then her eyes landed on the subject of the pictures. She knew instantly what it was about. It was a series of photographs taken during her wedding to Roman Brady back in 1984, but the couple was not the focus of the pictures. The camera’s eye was trained on the man in the balcony, a man with a high powered rifle in his hands. She gasped because she recognized the man in the photo… “Oh God… Oh, my God, no! No, it can’t BE!” she exclaimed, horrified… then promptly fainted, crumpling to the floor in a heap, her heart crumbling as her world began to spin wildly out of control. Nothing was as it seemed and it left her hopelessly confused. Unable to deal with her shocking new reality, darkness claimed her and she slipped off into blessed unconsciousness.

Having heard her scream, a number of her closest friends and relatives rushed back into the room to see what was the matter. Laura was shell shocked as well, still holding one of the pictures in her hand, and Marlena was lying on the floor. Mike raced to her side while the others gathered around Laura, asking for an explanation.

She said nothing but handed the pictures to Roman, who took one glance and knew what it was all about. “My God… John Black was the shooter at our wedding! Even then he must have been working with Stefano and he tried to take me out… No wonder Doc fainted.. Mike, is she going to be okay?” he asked, not bothering to hide his love and concern for his former wife, not to mention his anger toward John Black who had apparently deceived and therefore hurt them all more than they ever could have imagined.

After checking her vital signs, Mike responded hopefully, “I think so… I think she’s just fainted because of the shock… “

“Is it really him, Dad?” asked Carrie, disbelieving… praying for some other logical explanation as he showed her the pictures. Her heart sank. Despite the long hair, John was clearly recognizable as the man with a gun aimed toward her father’s head. The worst part of it was that he looked like he was loving every minute of the job he was about to do.

“All this time… he’s been right here.. under our noses… ” said Roman, wondering how it could be that they never figured it out, pondering how much of his past John remembered. He always acted as though he knew virtually nothing about his life before coming to Salem, but now they were all left to wonder whether the man had been honest with them all these years.

Shawn Brady was unwilling to accept the possibility on face value and clearly voiced his dissent, “No… I don’t believe it… Not, John… now I know him, son… and I know you two have had your differences.. but there must be some reasonable explanation for this… we all know that Bastard had him brainwashed… If that’s true… if that *is* our Johnny… in that photograph… then he wasn’t responsible…. and I’m sure he hasn’t remembered it…”

Eric was fuming now… the more he thought about it…. “Oh, I bet he remembers it and I bet that’s the real reason he left Mom… because he knew we were on to him… that sooner or later the truth would come out…”

Sami jumped right into the fray as well, “Eric’s right… John is running because he was about to be exposed as the ruthless assassin he really is… “

Roman was angry but he didn’t want to assume the worst without any other evidence. Hearing his children so vehemently cutting the man down made him consider other possibilities. The picture might have been fabricated.. there were all sorts of ways to create photos by computer that appeared to be genuine…. “No… Sami, Eric.. come on now.. we all know John better than that… we really shouldn’t jump to those kinds of conclusions based on a couple of photographs… “

Sami countered his argument with one of her own, one she knew would get everyone’s attention…”We have more, Dad… a whole lot more and Mom knew about it… “

“What… Eric, Sami… what exactly are you saying? What other information do you have?” asked Lexie, concerned about both her friends and the implication that her Father might be up to his old tricks again, something she’d been trying to deny. She was clinging to the belief that he was changing, even in the face of John’s most recent accusation about the murder of the psychologist John had been seeing for hypnosis, and Stefano’s set up of the scene at the Penthouse Grille a week earlier. What did it all mean and how did it fit together?

Sami exchanged a victorious look with her brother, knowing that this was their greatest opportunity to impugn the stellar reputation of Salem’s resident Knight in shining armor. “We’re saying that we hired a private investigator to dig up some dirt on John… He spent some time in Europe and he hit the jackpot. He had a whole file of information. We showed it to Mom, but she didn’t believe it… she denied that any of it was real. I don’t know what she did with it, but she never showed it to John or confronted him about it. At least not that we know of anyway.”

Eric jumped right in with a supposition… “You know Sami… come to think of it… maybe John did see it… maybe that’s why he ran out on her today… What if he were at the house getting ready for the wedding and he found the file… If he thought she’d seen it…. then he knew it was only a matter of time until she confronted him with what she’d learned… This whole pull at your heartstrings letter he wrote was probably just another calculated lie… meant to make everybody feel sorry for him.”

It was so unfair and so untrue… Carrie Brady didn’t need proof to the contrary, she knew it in her heart and she just couldn’t stand there and let them try and convict him. “No, Eric… Sami… that’s not what happened and you know it! John didn’t do anything wrong… and if he did… *if* he is the man in the picture… it’s because Stefano brainwashed him to be his trained killer… John would not betray Marlena for a selfish reason like this… we all know that!” She glanced around at all the somber faces… “Well, don’t we?” she asked demanding support for the man she loved as a second father.

Heads were shaking in disbelief but not a word was spoken in response to her anxious defense of the man they called John Black. There was a deadening silence that fell over the bride’s room. No one knew what or whom to believe in anymore. All they knew was that John had not followed through with his promise to marry Marlena and there was evidence to indicate that he was not the good and loving man they had come to believe he was.

Stefano Dimera watched the scene unfolding by way of the special camera’s he had secretly installed in the church a few weeks earlier. The bellowing sound of his sadistic self satisfied laughter echoed off the walls in the secret room of the mansion. His efforts were all coming to fruition exactly as he had hoped. Picking up one of the small dark colored pieces on the chessboard before him, he spoke as if that piece could actually hear him talking, ‘Ah, my Pawn… now you shall see…. patience truly is a virtue, is it not?’

Stefano Dimera sipped at his glass of Brandy, waiting patiently for the rest of his plans to unfold, savoring every moment of anguish he was causing John Black and the people he loved. It was a fitting end to the man’s happiness, the entire Brady family in turmoil over the latest revelation. “Ah…. John….at long last you shall have your coveted past…. and you will suffer for it…”

John was lost, alone with the pain of longing for what he now believed might never ‘be’ again….reclining on the contoured black leather seat of his private jet, his hands underneath his head, thinking back on all that had come to pass since that stormy night. The night had already turned dark…. so much like that one, in which they rediscovered the depths of their mutual passion. It was a night of fire and rain, spent making the most intensely pleasurable love they had ever shared…their perfectly matched bodies entwined as if the moment of their joining could last forever.

‘If only that sweet dream had come true..’ he thought, letting out a long, defeated sigh. They should have been on the way to their honeymoon… instead he was alone on the plane, and she was probably home with friends, crying and trying to make sense of madness.

‘Oh, Doc….what are we going to do now? How can I just walk away from you…. I never wanted to hurt you…. I hope you know that…’ Standing up to peer out the window, he didn’t realize he spoke the next words aloud, “But I always do….. don’t I?” he asked, thinking back to the days and weeks that followed that night of passions unleashed, and how much she’d suffered in the aftermath… “No matter how hard I try…. I always hurt you.” Pounding his fist against the cabin wall, he cursed himself and his apparent fate, “Dammit! I should have given up on my past…. should’ve let it go… I should have been happy with the life I had… and now….”

“And now, you’ve lost it, John…. because you threw it all away…..why’d you do that?” said a condemning voice he knew well.

He whirled at the familiar sound, surprised, “What are you doing here, Bo?”

“Came to talk some sense into you….big brother,” he said emphasizing the family ties between them, letting John know that nothing could change his relationship with the Brady clan.

John shook his head firmly, and spoke forlornly as he plopped himself back down on the couch like seat, wishing he truly was a Brady… wishing he could just go back to being Roman Brady, faithful son and brother, honorable cop, father and husband to the most amazing woman in the world. “It’s too late, Bo….” he said snapping out of his wistful reverie.

“What the hell are you talking about…. Marlena LOVES you, Man….and you broke her heart today… “

He nodded, fighting back tears, thinking of her sitting in the bride’s room reading his letter and sobbing…. “I know….. I wish things could be different, Bo….”

Not wanting to waste time, Bo cut to the chase, taking a seat next to the man. “What are you runnin from, John?”

Gradually making it to a sitting position again, the man answered after heaving a heavy sigh, “I’m not running, little brother….. I’m finally letting her go…. ” John said, his voice barely a whisper, sounding resigned to fate.

“Oh, isn’t that nice….. you’re letting her go…. Man, you are some piece of work! You just ripped her heart in two and you make it sound like a sacrifice…..”

That one got a reaction… ‘finally,’ thought Bo, as he waited for the man to make a defense of his actions . Anger burning in his gut, John responded powerfully, “Damn you, Bo…. it IS a sacrifice… I LOVE her…. I love her so much…. and believe me… if I thought staying would make her happy in the long run… ” Not knowing what else to say… he let his voice trail off… as he turned away.

Bo grasped his brother’s upper arm and turned him so that they were facing each other…. then confronted him, his tone softer when he saw the wounded look on the man’s face. “John…. why don’t you tell me what happened this morning…. you were SO happy yesterday….. what did Dimera do to you, man?”

“It’s not what he did to me, Bo…. it’s more like he… showed me who I was…. before…. what he can make me become again…”

“Come on…. you can do better than that, Bro….. tell me… I can deal with it…” Bo replied, clearly becoming frustrated with the lack of details.

He was shaking his head, still not quite believing what he’d seen. “Okay,” he said with a tired sigh before continuing…absently running his fingers through his hair, “It’s like this… he.. put me in a trance, Bo…. he’s been working on my mind for weeks now….. doing his thing with classical music… and you know that scene at the Grille? It’s just like we thought… it was all a set up…. and I know he killed the Psychologist who was helping me recover my memories…. and then today… “

Bo was growing impatient, but seeing the agony in John Black’s misty blue eyes was enough to soften his heart…. so he waited until the man could explain the painful event which led John to fear he would hurt the people he loved most dearly.

“He put me in a trance…. dressed me in military fatigues and had me kill these two dogs…. he made a tape of it…. ” John’s voice crackled as he recalled what he’d seen himself do, still horrified by the implications. “Bo, I.. tortured those dogs… it was a slow, agonizing death….. I can still… hear them wailing….. and from the looks of it…. I was loving every second of it. I took pleasure in butchering two living creatures, Bo…. what kind of a man does that?” John asked his brother, his eyes searching for acceptance or rejection, somehow expecting the latter.

“John.. hey come on…. you know that tape could have been faked, or doctored to make it look like you were the shooter… there’s any one of a dozen explanations for what you saw.”

Arguing from experience, John said, his voice trembling, his moist eyes revealing a depth of pain his brother hoped he never had to see in them again, “Bo… when I came around again…. over an hour had passed… and I didn’t have any memory of it. Dimera…. he made sure I knew…. that killing those dogs was nothing compared to what I’ve done for him in the past. Child’s play, he called it…. and he said that…. well, he left me to wonder… whether he can do that to me any time. Maybe he already has, Bo…. maybe he’s taken me….. forced me to…. do his bidding and then put me back….”

“No… come on… John… we would have.. figured out that something was happening to you… Marlena would have… sensed some change in you….” Bo countered, not quite sure, but needing to give John something to hold on to, some way to keep him on solid ground.

Looking down at the floor, wishing he could make the vision on celluloid leave him… John continued, “He said I would have…. no memory of what I’d done….just like today…. Bo, if it’s true…. then I’m a danger to everyone I care about…. that’s why I left. I don’t want anyone else to be hurt….. because of me…. and his control over me…. especially not Doc and the kids…. I can’t risk that… so I.. have to go… “

“No, John…. for all you know, this whole thing is a lie….. something he made up just to get back at you for Kristen…. something to break up you and Marlena…. “

“I know it’s his revenge….. his warnings for me not to go digging into my past…. his talks with Marlena…. supposedly changing…. all of that was a part of his plan…. it was all building up to this moment. Fact is, he *wanted* me to find out about my past… and he wanted it to happen on the day of the wedding…. when he knew it would hurt us the most…but what if it’s true, Bo? “

“John…. I think there must be something you’re leaving out here….. what have you remembered on your own?”

“Nothing really… it’s just images….. being a soldier in training…. put through my paces…. shooting high powered automatic weapons….. being told about some special mission for him…. I just got this feeling that I’ve killed for him….more than once. Bo, I think I was his mercenary… I think I worked for him…..that he had me under his…influence for a lot longer than we all thought…. “

“And….”

“And… it scares the hell out of me, Bo….. What if I never was a real Priest….. what if I was just some.. sick creation of his… what if he took me and made me into a fighting killing machine…… “

“Oh, come on….that can’t be it….. if you were, it’s because he controlled your mind….. John, if you were a hired gun, it’s because Dimera forced it on you…. but it’s over now…. I’d stake my life on that…”

Shaking his head, making himself meet Bo’s gaze, John shared his doubts about it, “What about Marlena…. would you stake hers on it? Because I can’t, Bo…. No matter how much it hurts her for me to leave…. I can’t risk her safety….”

Bo stepped closer, putting both hands on the man’s shoulders, urging him to see it from another perspective, “John…. this is crazy! Can’t you see it…. This is exactly the way Dimera wanted it…. he wants you to leave her, so he can take her again…. He’s succeeded… because he’s got you doubting yourself….. you gonna just play right into his hand?”

“I don’t have any choice, Bo!” John yelled, pulling away, angry and more than frustrated with the impossible situation he faced. He hated leaving her, leaving Salem and everyone else he loved, even for a little while. It was the *last* thing he wanted to do.

“Yes you do, John…. you ALWAYS have a choice!” Bo said, getting in his brother’s face again, his own fiery eyes challenging John to come up with a counter argument that made sense.

John sighed with a battle weariness that came from all the years of playing mind games with Dimera, “Like *hell* I do…. that BASTARD has been yanking my chain for so long…. “

“So pull back harder…. ” Bo said, trying to figure out what was going on in his erstwhile brother’s mind.

“What do you think I’m doing still sittin here on the runway?” John finally said sighing in exasperation, waving an arm around to indicate their present surroundings.

He smiled, having wondered how John could accept defeat so readily, “You’re coming up with a plan….”

With very little emotion, John nodded tightly and stated his intention, staring almost blankly out of blue eyes that were suddenly as cold as ice, “I’m gonna take him out, Bo…. “

With his head shaking and his eyes wide open, Bo swallowed hard and negated the idea, “No, John….. come on… you know you can’t do that….”

“Yes I can…. and I will because I have to…. besides…. it’s what he trained me to do…. “

“What are you saying, John….. just what are you thinking?” Bo said, worried by the lack of emotion in the man’s voice. Beyond that there was concern for the unfeeling countenance of a killer Bo saw when he looked in John’s steely blue eyes and studied his deceptively calm facial expression.

“Tell me little brother… just whose responsibility is it if a man who was kidnapped, brainwashed, and trained to kill by a mad scientist, turns around one day and kills the scientist?”

Bo stood there with his mouth agape, seeing in John’s slightly distant gaze that he was completely serious. He was planning to kill Stefano Dimera and if by chance he were caught, he hoped to take advantage of the ‘Insanity Defense.’ All Bo could manage was a slight shake of his head, praying that when his unofficially adopted brother settled down a little, he would reconsider his options.

Or was something even more sinister at work? Had Stefano’s little demonstration earlier that morning triggered something deep inside John’s mind, bringing out formerly hidden elements…. skills and personality traits that Stefano Dimera planted there. Was it all part of the master plan to destroy the love between John and Marlena. Could this very response be exactly what the sick bastard wanted?

Bo Brady prayed it wasn’t so……

The silence was oppressive in its power over the three occupants of the large sanctuary in St. Luke’s Catholic Church. Late on Saturday afternoon, there was nothing else scheduled after the planned nuptials. They were alone, each with their private thoughts.

The dejected bride sat in the first pew, staring blankly through bleary eyes at the altar where they would have stood to exchange their vows and bind their lives together. It was a beautiful church, built with rich dark wood, tapestries hanging on both sides of a large crucifix, and stained glass windows which provided a rainbow of colors as the afternoon sun shone upon them.

‘Oh, John…. you promised to marry me…. you said that nothing would ever come between us again… I’m here in our church… but you didn’t keep those promises. Please come back to me.. my love.”

As she imagined the ceremony, her groom so handsome in his charcoal gray tuxedo, gazing at her adoringly, expressing his everlasting love, she felt a hand brush her arm. Her heart leaped…. could it be that he’d returned already? But then she heard a voice that was not his and her heart sank back down into despair.

“Marlena, honey… John isn’t coming…. do you think maybe it’s time to change clothes and go home now?”

She nodded but said nothing, her sad eyes drowning in tears, as she looked up at her two best friends, Maggie and Laura Horton. Everyone else had left at this point, some of the ladies heading for the Penthouse where they planned on making a meal and keeping Marlena company while they waited for news on John from Bo and Abe.

Twirling the engagement ring around her finger, she remembered the day they’d picked out the gold bands they were to give each other.

* * *
It was a beautiful spring day and John had surprised her by coming to her office. “Hey Doc…. guess what… it just so happens that we’re both free this afternoon?”

She smiled. “We are… well, how in the world did that come about?”

He shrugged his shoulders and flashed an innocent smile, “I don’t know.. I was just out here talking with your secretary and she informed me that all three of your clients have cancelled and re-scheduled their appointments. Can you believe our luck?” He tried to make it appear that he had nothing to do with it, that it was serendipity, but his twinkling eyes betrayed him.

With a heartwarming smile she responded as she knew he wished her to, “My, my…. well, we can’t let a beautiful day like this go to waste, now can we?”

He grinned, pleased she wasn’t even a little upset with him, “Nope… come with me… I’ve got an idea, pretty lady… ” he said, taking her hand and tugging her away from her work.

“Where are we going, John?” she asked, curiously, reaching for her purse and lightweight jacket on the way out the door.

“You’ll see…. but there’s a picnic involved… I can tell you that much.”

“Oh, I love picnics….

She remembered their private exchange of rings while lying underneath the shade of a favorite tree, the sweet poems they had read to each other, expressing their love and their lifelong commitment. It was a lazy sunny afternoon, filled with quiet romance, one that held such promise for a long and happy future.

It was only a short time ago. So where was he now? Why wasn’t he here with her? On their special day….

* * *
“My wedding day….. how did it turn out this way?” she said as she rose wearily from the wooden bench, choking back the tears, wanting to be angry, but finding herself unable to muster the energy that emotion took.

Maggie’s reply was honest and encouraging at the same time, “I don’t know, Marlena… but I do know that John *loves* you…. and he only did… what he thought was best for you.”

“I’m trying so hard to believe that…. I really am… but those pictures… that file Sami showed us…. Oh, I don’t know…” It was all so overwhelming and the information when tied with his disappearance made him seem guilty of hiding his past from everyone he said he loved, when all along he’d maintained that he had no memory of his life before coming to Salem. It appeared that he had deceived them all for many years, even that he was working with Stefano from the very beginning.

Maggie and Laura exchanged worried glances, wondering if even Marlena would question John’s honesty and integrity because of the damning evidence supposedly gathered by the private detective Sami hired.

Finally, after weeping for a few moments, Marlena tremulously voiced her need, “Oh, I wish he would call me…. I know that if I could just… hear his voice…. I would know… I could tell if he…. if he were… lying to me… I would know it.”

“I know it’s hard… but you know him… you know him SO well, Marlena… do you really believe that he’s capable of doing what that file indicates?” Maggie asked her, hoping her friend hadn’t been swayed by Sami and Eric, who wanted nothing more than to see the couple permanently part ways.

She shook her head to negate it, glad to have to think clearly about it, “No… not of his own volition… If he is guilty of any crime…. it’s because Stefano forced that life upon him.”

“That’s what I think too… John hasn’t been lying to you, Marlena… Stefano is behind *all* of this… It’s exactly what he wants… to have us doubting John right now, to question his motives and his love for you. ” Laura added.

Thankful for such loyal and supportive friends, Marlena was nodding her head, her own heartfelt beliefs growing stronger by the moment, “And if that’s the case… I know… that John will come home to me… and we will fight Stefano’s lies… together. I’m not giving up… I’ll never give up on him… or our love.”

“That’s the spirit…. Now, let’s say we get you out of this dress and hang it up so it won’t get damaged. My hunch is you’ll be needing it sooner than you think.”

“I hope so…. Oh, I sure hope so, Maggie,” Marlena said, sighing and then working to find a smile. Laura and Maggie leaned in to embrace their friend. The hug lingered as they seemed to gain strength in their mutual affection for each other. They left with some feeling of hope in their hearts that the future would soon look a little brighter.

* * *
Roman Brady and Abe Carver sat in Abe’s office at the Downtown Precinct, reviewing the file of materials Sami had received from the private detective she and Eric had hired. It was damaging, no doubt about it, linking John with dozens of crimes throughout Europe, more than a few pictures thrown in to make it almost impossible to think of him as anything but a career criminal prior to his life in Salem town. And then there was the photograph that made it appear as though he were the shooter at Roman and Marlena’s wedding. But, how was it that this ‘evidence’ never surfaced until right before the man’s wedding to Marlena?

They were both thinking it, but Abe was the one who finally expressed it, setting down a few of the articles he’d been reading. “Well, I don’t believe it… it’s just too convenient…..I think it’s all part of Dimera’s plan… trying to break up John and Marlena so he can make his move to take her away again.”

Roman was nodding and sat up straighter in his chair, saying, “I tend to agree with you, but then why did John leave her waiting at the church? What could Dimera possibly have done that would make John run from the fight? As much as it hurts me to admit it, their love is so strong, I would never have believed he would do that.”

A third voice entered the conversation, almost at the same time as they heard the creaking sound of the door opening, “I know why he left her waiting.”

Both men turned and looked toward the source of the noise, “Bo…. where’ve you been? We’ve been sitting her reviewing this file Sami gave to Marlena.”

“I saw him… I talked with him.”

“Well, where is he?” Abe asked, his concern growing with each passing hour.

Plunking himself down in an empty chair, Bo told them, “On his way out of town..”

“Come on.. give us details… what happened that John would walk away from marrying Marlena?”

Heaving a long reluctant sigh at having to review it, Bo launched into the story, “Stefano showed him what he is capable of doing while under that Bastard’s control. He put John in a trance of some kind and had him kill these two dogs. John tortured them to death with a gun, making them suffer by killing them slowly. Stefano showed him a tape of it afterward. John didn’t remember doing any of it…. Dimera did it to spark John’s imagination about what more gruesome acts he might have committed as Stefano’s Pawn… “

“And..” Roman and Abe said simultaneously, wanting further explanation for John’s actions after the fact.

“And…. it scared the *hell* out of him, made him worry that he might hurt the people he loves, especially Marlena. Dimera also planted the seed that maybe he’s been taking John, sending him out to do his bidding all along, but without John knowing what was happening to him, because he would have no memory of what he’d done while under Stefano’s control.”

The truth struck Abe almost immediately, “That could be where most of the information in this file came from…. his own reports. Roman, Stefano could have set that up too… knowing how badly Sami and Eric wanted things to work out between you and Marlena.”

Roman was nodding, a sigh escaping his lips. There was some small part of him that hoped he might get another chance with the woman he loved. “Yes… it all fits, but I still don’t understand why John is leaving town. If he loves her the way he says he does, leaving her vulnerable to Stefano, a greater danger, makes no sense to me.”

Bo was animated in his response….”That’s just it… John thinks HE is the greater danger to her right now… plus I think he just reacted emotionally to the idea that he could be controlled like that and have no memory of it whatsoever. He’s questioning himself, wondering what kind of person he was before, and what’s wrong with him that Stefano could have such power over him.”

“Does anybody know how Marlena’s doing? How she feels about all of this?” Roman asked, wanting to take the subject in a different direction for a moment or too. “Has he even called her?”

Bo shook his head no; he had just called the Penthouse… “No, John hasn’t called her yet…. She’s home with Laura, Maggie, Hope, and Carrie right now. Lexie decided to stay away for a little while, and Sami and Eric went to the Pub with Mom and Pop.”

Roman was eyeing his little brother closely, thinking he saw some other concern that had gone unspoken thus far, “Bo, do you know something else…. something else John has in mind that we should know about?”

“No, why would you ask that?” Bo said, turning away slight, realizing that his brother had read his facial expression.

“Because you look like you’re stewing about something, that’s all.”

“I am… I worried about John and Marlena… wondering how they’ll handle this mess… and hoping they’ll still be able to get married some day.”

Roman didn’t let up, more certain than ever when he heard that lame reply, “Yes, but there’s more, isn’t there, Bo?”

Bo shifted his feet and cast his glance aside, avoiding the question, “Roman, I don’t know what you’re talking about… “

The man was fidgeting, definitely chewing on something. Knowing his partner well, Abe couldn’t resist chiming in, “Yes you do… what’s John planning, Bo..”

Defensiveness kicked in and he worked to deny it, “Nothing, I told you… he left town.. I watched his jet taking off. John is gone.”

Roman wouldn’t let up and he pushed for answers, “Alright, but for how long? What’s John thinking, Bo? I want to know.”

“How the *hell* would I know what he’s thinking? He was upset about what happened, he’s afraid he’ll cause Marlena and the family more pain by staying than by leaving, so he left. End of story.” Bo stood, planning to leave the room, but Roman grabbed him by the forearm, stopping his progress toward the door.

His brother reacted strongly, countering his statement just as intense, “Wrong! That’s not like the John Black I know and sometimes resent the hell out of… he’s a lot of things… but he is *not* a quitter… John doesn’t run away from his problems, Bo… he faces them head on…with everything he’s got! So again, I ask you… what is he planning?”

The pressure was on. Abe and Roman faced off with Bo, demanding answers…. “Tell us, Bo… we can’t help him if we’re not all on the same page,” Abe asked, a little more gently.

“Alright… but you have to listen as John’s friends… not as members of the law enforcement community… will you agree?”

Abe didn’t hesitate, “Yes.. I agree… but I will do whatever I have to do to protect the citizens of this town.”

“Alright, fair enough, Abe… Roman?”

“Okay… I’m in… tell us what’s going on, Bo.”

“John is going to take Dimera out if he can, by setting him up, creating a situation where it could be seen as self defense.”

The other two gasped in quiet horror. “Oh no…. Bo, he can’t be thinking straight…. he’s just so upset that he…”

“Bo.. what is it?” Abe asked, thinking he saw an even greater concern, maybe even fear for John and everyone who loved him.

Again, he let out a discomfited sigh, wishing that his suspicions were completely unfounded, but knowing they were not. “I think there’s more to it than that.. I think that whatever Dimera did to John.. putting him in that trance this morning… it… triggered something in his brain… I’m.. worried about him… “

“How so?”

“Whatever it was… whatever *it* is that makes it possible for John to resort to brutal violence… I think Dimera purposely set it in motion today… and John is going to revert… and Stefano will have control of his mind again.”

With eyes open wide, Abe shared his immediate response, “Oh, my God… I think you’re right, Bo.. everything that’s happened these past several weeks has been leading up to it…the warnings about delving into his past, the music, the hypnosis sessions with the psychologist that were bringing back some of the memories… then stopped suddenly because the man was killed. Even the incident at the Grille… and now this… it all fits! Dimera’s bringing back his Pawn… He’s going to use John… to destroy his own life.”

Nodding his head, Roman had to agree, “God, I don’t want to believe it… but he’s just that sick… he wants John to try to kill him… just like he wanted John to walk away from the wedding today… the whole damn thing is part of his master plan!”

“So what can we do about it?” Bo asked, genuinely asking for help, now that it was out in the open.

It was obvious to Abe, “We have to get to John…. we have to make him see what we see…. he knows that all of it was a set up, but he can’t possibly realize the part about Stefano setting off the triggers in his brain to re-establish mind control.”

“He won’t want to believe it.”

“No… but he has to, Bo… he just has to… we have to do whatever it takes to convince John of what Stefano’s up to… or we’re all in danger, from both of them. There’s no telling what John is capable of once he’s totally under Stefano’s power again.

She was all cried out by 8 o’clock, and the night seemed to last forever, sitting there on the couch waiting for the telephone to ring. Marlena Evans, should have been Black, finally sent her friends home just before midnight, thinking John might call shortly afterward. But he never did. It was well after 2:00am when she finally managed to doze off to a restless sleep, a few more tears dampening the pillow underneath her weary head.

Therefore, when it came, the sound that awakened her was obnoxious and irritating at best, and it took more than a moment to recognize the source of it. ‘The phone…. oh, it’s the phone…. where’s the portable?’ Marlena groped around in the dark and finally found it. She answered eagerly, hoping against all hope. “Hello?”

“Doc, it’s me….” He had a whole speech planned but it went right out of his head the second he heard her voice. She’d been crying all night he supposed, because of him. No because of that sick Bastard. Silently, he cursed the man who was trying to destroy their dream, ‘Damn you Dimera!’

“John… oh, John… I kept praying that you would call me.”

“I’m sorry… God, I’m so sorry Doc!” he cried apologetically.

“Where are you, John… and why…. why didn’t you…marry me?”

She was crushed. How could he do it? “Please don’t cry, baby…. you know that I love you… and if I could have been there….. I would have.”

“Then tell me, John.. I read your letter but it wasn’t good enough. You TELL me why you stood me up… on our WEDDING DAY!” she said, sitting up in her makeshift bed, her anger surpassing the hurt for a moment.

“Alright…. alright….but not over the phone… I want to meet you… just not in Salem.”

“John, you’re being so mysterious…. where are you?”

“In Miami….”

“Miami, John.. what in God’s name are you doing in Miami?”

“It’s better if you don’t know that… listen… I want to fly you down here… I’ve chartered a Jet… it’s at the airport waiting for you now…. will you come?” he asked, hoping she wouldn’t ask too many questions.

“John… before I just hop on a plane to Miami, I think you owe me some kind of explanation for your behavior today… and for some pictures and other information about you that I have in my possession. That is *had* until Sami and Eric handed it over to Abe, Bo, and Roman.”

“Oh no….” His heart sank, it had started sooner than he thought it might. Stefano Dimera was nothing if not the master of timing.

“Oh, yes…. and John, I don’t think I really need to tell you that it doesn’t paint you in a very flattering light.”

The silence was deafening. He waited but she said nothing further so he asked, only able to guess at what was in the file, “I bet that’s an understatement…. so… did you believe what you saw, what you read?”

He sounded so hurt, but so was she. Therefore, she didn’t shield him from her concerns, “I don’t know *what* to believe anymore, John. Some people are saying that you’ve been lying to me, to all of us for years now, that you’re still working for Stefano, and that the only reason you left me at the church today was because you knew we were going to find out the truth about you. They say you ran because you’re guilty, John.”

It hit him like a ton of bricks. She actually doubted him. “And what do *you* say, Doc?”

“I call it as I see it, John… you told me you loved me, you said that you wanted to marry me…and spend the rest of your life with me, and I believed you. Yet here it is…. our wedding night…. and you’re not here. I’m alone in my bed. That about says it all, John.”

“So… you’re starting to believe the bad press….maybe you don’t *want* to marry me anymore. Fine, then maybe we should just forget it.”

“No, I don’t want to forget it…there are photographs of you, John. Lots of them, and newspaper articles about killings that you’re believed responsible for…so what I *want* is an explanation!”

He was so agitated, he started pacing as he talked, if only for something to do with the pent up energy inside him. “So let me see if I have this straight, Marlena… Basically what you think is that I’m a cold blooded killer and a bold faced liar who’s been playing you and the Brady family for fools all these years, that I’m Stefano’s operative!”

She fired back at him defensively, “I didn’t say that!”

“No, but you’re not denying it, Marlena.”

“What do you want me to think, John?” she replied evenly, demanding more than he was giving her to this point in the conversation.

Hard as he tried, he couldn’t keep the disappointment out of his shaky voice, “I want you to believe in me…. to trust me.”

“That’s a lot easier said than done, John.. when you consider the fact that you just ran out on me.”

“I didn’t… run out on you, Marlena. I told you in the letter, I left Salem to protect you..”

“To protect me from what, John… from learning the truth about you?”

“No… no, you’ve got it all wrong, Doc… Look, maybe I should just let you go… it’s what I was trying to do…. but I couldn’t do it.”

“John, what are you trying to tell me here… “

His voice dropped almost to a whisper and she thought she heard him say, “I don’t.. know…..not any more, Marlena… “

“Why don’t you start by telling me what happened since yesterday when we said goodnight? What could possibly have happened to make you think that I would be in more danger if you stayed with me than if you left?”

Slightly calmer, he was nodding his head, deciding she wouldn’t understand unless she knew the truth. So he sat down on the bed in the Miami Beach retreat of a former partner to begin explaining the distressing event, “Okay…. Marlena… it’s like I said in the letter. I went over there to confront him about everything that’s happened these past few weeks. His dinner with you at the Grille, the strange phone calls, my psychologist’s death.”

“On the morning of our wedding, you went to confront him… Oh, John, what were you thinking?”

He let out a tired sigh, having already realized how foolish it had been, “Basically, I wanted to warn him, tell him it was over…and that sooner or later, we would get the proof we needed to put him away. And I told him that he couldn’t stop us from being married, that there wasn’t anything he could throw at us that would tear us apart, because our love was stronger than his hate.”

“John….you know he’s had something planned for weeks now, that he blamed you for Kristen’s suicide.. What made you think it would help to go over there on the day of our wedding? You had to know he wasn’t happy that it was taking place, in spite of all his efforts to destroy our love.”

What she was saying made total sense. Going to see him was stupid, only serving to fan the flames of vengeance. “I don’t know… Anyway, it didn’t play out the way I was thinking, Doc… you’re right, he did have something planned and I fell right into his trap. “

“What, John… what did he do?” she said, suspecting she sounded as impatient as she felt.

“He put me in a trance, Doc… I never saw it coming. Next thing I knew I was coming around and he had a video tape playing. It was a tape of what I had done while under his control. “

“John… just tell me. We can’t deal with this if I don’t know everything.”

She was right. Ugly as it was, she needed to hear it all. “Alright…. Marlena… we were somewhere on the back end of his property. I was dressed in fatigues… and there were these two dogs tied to a pole in this barn. Doc, I shot and killed them… slowly and methodically. I.. tortured them to death… Inside my head… I can still…. hear the sounds of their wailing, Doc.”

“Oh, John…..” She could only imagine what that was like for him, but she could hear his pain through the phone.

“I had NO memory of it, Doc… none whatsoever. He had total control over me. Marlena… he made me….kill two living beings and I had no memory of pulling the trigger. It scared the hell out of me, and it made me… question everything.”

Now it was beginning to make sense to her, “So that’s why you left…. you were afraid of what you’ve done for him in the past and what else he might make you do in the future?”

“Yea…. he uh… hinted at it, Doc… the way he always does… taunting me….and it left me to wonder… it he’s been taking me… all along… forcing me to do his bidding and then putting me back. He as much as told me that what was on that tape was nothing compared to what I’ve done for him in the past… what I might still do.. under his control, which he led me to believe he can achieve any time he wants. I was afraid that I might… hurt you.”

“John… I’m so sorry honey. That must have been… horrifying for you.”

“Yea…. it was. I couldn’t believe it was really me. I don’t understand… how he can make me do things that are so…. foreign to the kind of person I thought I was…. how can he do that, Doc… how he can achieve such total mind control. What’s wrong with me, that I can’t… fight it?”

The anguish was palpable even through the telephone lines. She had to help him see things differently, speaking with conviction, “John… you listen to me, honey….. it’s not you… there is nothing wrong with you… it’s him… and his evil. You are the good, kind, and loving man you have always been, and I know in my heart that you would never hurt me. You have to believe that!”

God she was good to him, so strong, her belief in him unwavering when he most needed her. He could only hope he was truly deserving of that faith. “I’m trying… but this thing about me being a killer for hire, his..’mercenary.’ Doc…if he was involved in getting that material to Sami and Eric, you know it’s gonna hit the papers soon, and I’m going to be tried and convicted before I ever see the inside of a courtroom. Marlena, if I do come home…. I don’t stand a chance in *hell* of having a life with you.”

Panic threatened to consume her, “Oh, God… Oh, my God, John! I didn’t think about that part of it… all that evidence… Oh, what are we going to do?” she cried out worriedly, her left hand moving instinctively to cover her mouth, as if that would contain the fear.

Not able to deal with all of it at once, he told her what he needed most, what he believed she did as well, “Come to Miami, Doc… be with me… at least we can have a little time together… before… before it all closes in on me.”

“Oh, I love you, honey… I love you so much… and we’ll prove that you didn’t do those things of your own accord. I’ll help you, John… I promise I will… you won’t go to prison, John.”

“You can’t promise that, Doc… Dimera…he planned this whole thing… from the very beginning when he warned me not to go digging into my past. He did that just to get me to do the opposite, and then when Kristen killed herself…he set it all in motion.”

“I know that… but we can beat him, John… we’ve done it before and we’ll do it this time too. You have to believe it, baby.. or it won’t happen. We have to fight for our love…harder than we’ve ever fought before.”

Grateful for the support, he agreed with that assertion, and then again urged her to come as soon as possible, “Yea…. okay…. you’re right… please, Doc… just come to me. Don’t tell anyone where you’re going. Just tell the Brady’s that you’re… upset about what happened, that you need some time away.”

She was nodding, thinking about what might lie ahead for them and the family who loved them. “Alright…. I’ll do it…. and John, don’t you forget for one second how much I love you… and that I trust you… with all my heart… and with my life… with my very soul.”

He was so relieved, so in need of her love and her faith in him, “Thank you, Doc… thank you so much for believing in me. I was starting to think that he had everybody convinced I am what those pictures make me out to be…. and I swear on everything that’s sacred… I’m not!”

“I know that, John… I’ll see you soon, honey. “

“Good… you’ll be landing at a small private airstrip. I’ll be there waiting when you get off the plane.”

“Goodbye honey.”

“Bye, Doc… and please.. be careful getting to the airport.”

She could hear the fear in his voice, fear for her safety, and the longing to have her near him. She felt the same way about him. “I will, John… I’ll be fine… and try not to worry too much. I’ll be there before you know it.” The line went dead, their connection broken. What did it mean, if anything at all?

With no answers in sight, she climbed out of her makeshift bed on the couch and went rushing up the stairs to pack a bag, thankful the children were already at the Pub for the night. She would wait until daylight and make the call. And then she would take the flight that could plunge her into the thick of danger, maybe even a life on the run with the man she loved. Marlena was determined that he would not be wrongfully accused and imprisoned again, not if there were anything she could do to stop it.

Roman Brady was nearly beside himself with frustration and fear for the safety of the woman he still loved very deeply. And hard as he tried, he couldn’t keep his resentment toward John and all the pain his appearance in Salem had brought to their lives from creeping into his heart. He was pacing back and forth between a row of tables at the Brady Pub, whose opening this particular morning had been delayed.

His mother Caroline, who was sitting at the bar, watched him in silence, preparing herself for a barrage of anxious, agitated questions. She was also wondering if he was actually, ‘over’ Marlena, as he had so recently assured her. It certainly didn’t seem so from the way he looked at the moment. Her thoughts about previous conversations they’d had were cut short when he nearly bellowed at her.

“What do you *mean* she didn’t leave a number where she could be reached? You mean to tell me she went off without the kids, having no idea where their father is, without letting *anyone* know where she was headed either? No, Ma…That’s just not like Marlena!”

“I agree, but what could I do, Roman…. it’s terrible what happened at the church yesterday.. she’s so upset, and worried about John. I wanted her to know that the children would be alright and that she should go and relax. She said she would call in a day or so.. and I told her that was fine.”

Slightly calmer, he stopped his pacing and asked another question, “Mom… did you get any sense that she was going to meet someone?”

Caroline took offense to his insinuation, “You mean… do I think she was going to meet John. No, Roman.. she didn’t say anything of the kind.”

“Would you tell me if she did?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew they would send his mother into a defensive mode. He winced at the expression on her face.

Leaning forward on the bar she stared him down, and said, “I’m not even going to answer that Roman. I happen to believe in John’s innocence, but I would not jeopardize Marlena or the children if I thought they were at risk. I thought you were on his side too… or are you starting to see the possibilities for yourself if he’s out of her life for good?”

Her son objected too strongly, “No.. I’m concerned about her safety, Mom… that’s all!”

Shawn Brady entered the room saying, “Alright, simmer down, that’s enough you two…. this isn’t helping anybody… we need to keep clear heads about us.”

Blowing out a long breath, Roman apologized, “Look, I’m sorry…. I’m just really worried about her….” He glanced at his younger brother who only nodded his approval. They had to know everything or they might indeed protect John.

With that tacit agreement, Roman sat down on one of the tall stools and began to tell his parents the whole story, as they knew it thus far, “Mom, Pop…. we have reason to believe that Stefano set up this situation with the pictures and newspaper clippings, and other evidence to make John look like a cold blooded killer. And, we think that he might… be in the process of… taking control of John’s mind again.”

“What? Are you saying Sami and Eric were working with Stefano?”

“And why we didn’t know anything about this?” added Shawn incredulously.

Bo jumped in, saying “No… no, it’s nothing like that…. at least not as far we can tell anyway. And John and Marlena didn’t tell everyone what was happening because…. well, they were working separately until just recently. John was going to the psychologist without telling Marlena, thinking that he would tell her what he’d learned after some memories came back to him. And Marlena called Shane Donovan to help out with a plan to trap Stefano, because she was worried about what was happening to John.”

Another shock hit them and again Caroline was the first one to find her tongue, “Marlena and Shane were working on a plan…. this gets more complicated by the moment. And where is he now, by the way? I never knew he was even in Salem for goodness sake.”

Understanding their frustration at being kept in the dark, Roman nodded and said, “Yes it does…. hang in there, Mom…we’ll explain it as best we can with what we know. Shane was called away on assignment but he told us as much as he could before he left, which was that basically Marlena was trying to convince Stefano to leave John alone in exchange for her friendship.”

Bo, realizing it was going to be awhile, sat down and added to what his brother had told his parents, “Yea… the reason Marlena did what she did was because she was worried. John was getting those strange phone calls again, you know… with the classical music… Do you remember how strangely he acted at Kristen’s funeral? And that night at the Penthouse Grille when he decked Dimera…”

As the recollections passed through their minds, Shawn answered, “Yes, he seemed very….upset… almost out of control.”

Roman took another turn, “Apparently that was all Stefano’s doing…. and Marlena wanted to make Dimera think she was beginning to form a friendship with him so she could help bring him down and stop him from hurting John any more. At the same time, he was manipulating the situation so John would have that outburst at the restaurant.”

His brother looked to him and Bo finished laying out the whole scenario, “Yea… and you know that the psychologist John was seeing for help with recovering his past was killed just as John was making some breakthroughs. Well, we can’t prove it… but we all think Dr. Travers was murdered by Stefano..”

“Murdured? My God…. that monster will stop at nothing!” exclaimed Caroline.

“Don’t we know it… and this last part is what made John think he should leave Salem. Stefano staged a demonstration to prove to John how easy it is to regain total control over his life. Dimera put John in a trance of some kind and forced him to kill two…animals… even showed him a tape of it afterward. He had no memory of it… but it sounds like it was cruel and brutal what he did, and John was devastated. That’s why he left town. He was worried about Marlena.”

Shawn hated the madman who set it all in motion, wondering how and why it was that God would let such evil continue unabated for such a long time, “That sadistic.. Bastard! I pray he rots in hell for what he’s done… to all of us!”

His wife was disheartened, and very concerned for the couple she loved as if they were her adopted children. “It must have been so horrible for John… after everything he’s been through… thinking he might finally be able to put all that suffering in the past…and start fresh with Marlena and the children. He loves them so much… it must have been so difficult for him to leave.”

Roman understood that much. The man did love Marlena deeply and it had to be tearing him up to be separated from her. “Yes… and that’s why we’re thinking… maybe he changed his mind… maybe he decided he couldn’t handle being apart, so he called Marlena last night and asked her to meet him. Mom… we didn’t want to have to say this…. but we also believe that Stefano’s little demonstration was just the tip of the iceberg, that what he did to John yesterday may have stimulated some triggers planted in his brain a long time ago.”

“What exactly are you and Bo trying to tell us, Roman?”

“We’re saying that Stefano may have already started the process of converting John back into the ruthless gun for hire we saw in all those pictures. “

Coming out from around the bar, Shawn stated the obvious, “Oh, my God… then if Marlena does go to meet him…. she really could be in….danger?”

His eldest son nodded as a fearful breath escaped, “Yes… great danger, only neither one of them would know it until it started to happen. And then it could be too late. We have no way of knowing what he’s capable of as the mercenary…. we don’t know exactly how the mind control is achieved. And once it’s been set in motion… we don’t how it will affect his memory or his behavior toward Marlena… Pop we don’t know if John will even *remember* her.”

Panic took hold of Caroline Brady’s heart as she imagined the two of them thrown into a situation where John might unwittingly hurt the woman he loved. The enormity of what it meant beginning to set in, she cried out with intensity, “Oh my God…. then we have to find her immediately! We have to find out where she went…and warn her about this! “

Roman worked at not allowing his own fears to take over for reason… Breathing out a worried sigh, he agreed, “Yea…. so… when she calls again… try to get her to tell you where she is… anything…the name of the city….but whatever you do….keep her talking as long as you can. We’re putting a tap on the phone right now, and we’ll be tracing the call when it comes in.”

“Alright, I will.. I feel terrible about deceiving her, but if that’s the only way to keep her safe and help John as well, we’ll do it, right honey?” asked the Brady matriarch, moving to stand next to her husband, who appeared to be lost in thought.

Finally, Shawn replied, affirming her statement, then following it with a question stimulated by his mental review of recent events, “Yes, of course… So, Bo… earlier you said you were worried about John’s thinking… what makes you say that? Did he give you some reason to be concerned when you saw him yesterday?”

“It was something about the look in his eyes, Pop. He had this… I don’t know… this expression of a killer. He was upset…like I would expect him to be when we were talking about what was best for Marlena…. and then things changed. We started talking about Stefano. I know he’s hated the man for a long time… but still… this was… different. It was like the idea of taking out Dimera… it wasn’t even something that would satisfy John’s anger… it was more like he was contemplating squashing a bug. There was no frustration, none of the rage about what’s been done to him and Marlena. In fact, there was no emotion in his voice period. It was… scary.”

“Yes… yes it is son….I hope he’ll be alright alone… and that you all can find him before that heartless bastard gets his grimy hooks into the lad.”

The two younger Brady men nodded and Roman finished the conversation, as they took a few steps in the direction of the door, “Well, we better get back at it… we just wanted to let you know what was going on. We’ll keep you posted on what we learn… and if you hear anything… anything at all.”

Caroline assured him of their commitment to helping both Marlena and John, “We’ll call you … we’re just as concerned about the two of them as you are. Now, you go on… get back to the station and get to work on figuring out where they’ve gone.”

Three hours later, Roman Brady was nearly frantic with worry, after talking to everyone they knew and researching every conceivable route of travel. Slamming down the phone, he expressed his frustration quite vehemently, “Dammit, there’s no trace of her! No, rental car, no buses, no trains. She didn’t take a commercial flight and her name wasn’t on the flight manifest for any of the charters that have gone out today. John’s own jet was already long gone and there’s no trace of him either. I gotta say, for someone who’s been out of the hunt and chase business for a long time, the man is on the top of his game.”

Abe sighed, wishing it were not the case, but he had to admire his friend all the same, “Yes… John’s instincts are still very good… if he only knew what kind of trouble he’s really in…”

“Well, if he doesn’t….. it won’t be long until he knows a good part of it. Look at this,” Bo said, handing a newspaper to his brother.

Roman held it out for himself and Abe to peruse, spreading it out on Abe’s desk. John’s picture was on the front page. The caption was telling, “Local businessman, John Black, is reportedly being sought by Salem police and several national and international law enforcement entities as mysterious past begins to come to light.”

Several of the photographs that had shown up in the file Sami and Eric handed over were printed, along with a brief summary of his alleged crimes. Abe sighed worriedly and Roman voiced similar thoughts to his, “I’ll say one thing… Dimera sure has perfect timing, no doubt about it. He’s really set John up to take a huge fall this time.”

Abe was nodding as he agreed, “Yes… and there’s not one solid piece of evidence or information linking John to him at that time, so from the looks of it, John is going take this tumble all by himself.”

The whole thing made Bo extremely angry. John and Marlena didn’t deserve another obstacle planted directly in their path to happiness, especially not something manufactured by that heartless bastard. “Well, not if I have anything to say about it. I *know* that John is innocent… and I’m gonna prove it!”

“How, Bo?”

Walking about the room in sharp agitated movements, Bo practically yelled his reply, “I don’t know…. but Dammit, Abe, Roman… he doesn’t deserve this! We have to find a way to tie these incidents to Dimera’s organization. We have to prove that IF John did any of it, he was under Stefano’s control at the time. There *has* to be a way!”

Coming out from behind the desk, Roman wasted no time stating his opinion about what was most important, “Maybe there is and maybe there isn’t, Bo… but right now… we have to concentrate on finding them before Dimera does… before Marlena gets hurt. You have to work with me on this Bo… her safety has to be priority number one!”

“Alright… I agree… but you promise me something too, brother of mine… we don’t take *any* action against John, unless we know for a fact that he’s a danger to her. I don’t want you using this situation to….”

Sensing a showdown, Roman stood directly in front of Bo, and then defended his motives and issued a challenge at the same time. “Look little brother… I’m not going to lie to you…. I still love Doc… very much… but I won’t do anything to stand between her and John, not unless he becomes that other man. Then, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her from being hurt. Ae we clear on that?”

Not intimidated, Bo didn’t hesitate to fire back from his perspective, getting right in his brother’s face, “Yea… we’re clear… but you just remember something. IF Dimera does get to John…and somehow re-creates his mercenary….or whatever… we’re still talking about a *good* man, Roman. A man who doesn’t deserve what’s happening to him, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to bring Marlena AND John back to us…unharmed! “

Stepping between the brothers, Abe confronted them, hoping to redirect their energy in more positive ways, toward their common goal, “Okay…. okay you two…. we have enough to worry about without you facing off in some kind of power struggle here. We’re going to find them… *both* of them… and we’ll do whatever we can to keep them out of harm’s way and away from Stefano… agreed?”

Two heads nodded, and they replied at the same time, “Agreed…”

“Alright then….let’s get back to the business of searching for our friends.” Blowing off a little steam seemed to help, as Bo and Roman settled down, ready to focus on that vital task.

After a few moments of silence, Roman started asking questions again, “Okay… so where do we go from here…. Bo… let’s go over it one more time. When you were talking with him on the plane… did John give you any idea where he might be headed?”

Palm trees and pristine shoreline, and an elegant estate taken right off the pages of Architectural Digest. It was a beautiful house in an incredibly beautiful setting, a genuine tropical paradise, but it meant nothing if he couldn’t be with the woman he loved. John wandered through the house and the grounds, and then walked the length of the beach, if only for something to do.

‘Places like this are meant to be shared, Doc…. God, I miss you. I’m so sorry I left you waiting at the church.’ He could still hear the sounds of her crying when he called her several hours earlier. He’d hurt her so badly…. but it wasn’t his fault, at least not entirely. It was set up by one sick bastard by the name of Stefano Dimera. “Damn you Dimera, you’re going to pay for all the pain you’ve caused her, I swear it! Some how, some way you are going to get what’s coming to you!”

After seemingly interminable hours had passed with little to do but wait, it was finally almost time to go and meet Marlena. John was putting his pistol in his jacket pocket with one hand and reaching for the keys to his borrowed car with the other, when he was struck by a flash of memory. It was one he’d never had before…..

He was dressed all in black and holding a gun in his hands, a high powered long range rifle, the kind snipers used, and next to him on the table were a 9mm semi-automatic pistol, an Uzi, and several boxes of ammunition. He was checking to make sure his weapons were fully loaded and in proper working order at the same time as he was listening to that dark commanding voice again, the one he knew as well as his own, maybe better……

“John, this is a very important mission. I’m counting on you. You *must* not fail in your assignment. Our entire Asian Operation depends on it!”

“I understand perfectly Sir, I will not fail you!” he said crisply, his voice if not his body at full attention, as if saluting his superior.

“Alright then, good luck to you… “

“Asian operation….. what the hell was I doing for you Old Man?” His head throbbed and it took him down on one knee for a moment, while his hands pressed at his temples, massaging them, wishing it would actually help. “Oh man….you really don’t want me to remember, do you? Mmm.. damn… at least not until it fits in with your plans..” he was saying as he struggled to rise from the floor. The pain was growing more intense with every memory, the headaches acting as some kind of firewall. He knew he had to fight through them if he were going to regain all of his past and nail the bastard. ‘I have to know…’

Yet another piercing jolt seized his head taking him back down. John saw himself firing the weapons upon unsuspecting victims, at the same time as he heard Marlena’s voice echoing inside him… But at what cost, John? At what cost?”

As he came out of the flashback, his eyes went instinctively to his watch face and he nearly jumped to his feet, realizing a good thirty minutes had passed. “Marlena… damn I’m late… Oh, Doc, I’m really sorry….”

Racing out the bedroom door and taking the stairs a couple at a time, rushing for the front door of the beach house, he tossed up a quick prayer for her protection. “God, please… don’t let anything happen to her because of me…. keep her safe…. that’s all I ask, Lord!”

* * *
Roman Brady was usually not one for pacing, but this situation was making him crazy. There was ostensibly nothing more that could be done and time was of the essence. “Do you have any leads on him? Anything at all….” he asked no one in particular.

One of the uniformed officers answered when the other two men in the room seemed deep in thought. “No, Sir.. I’m sorry, none of the tips have panned out. It seems that John Black has simply disappeared without a trace.”

“Dammit… neither one of them realizes just how much danger they’re in right now. We have to find them, Abe!”

Looking up from a file he was reviewing, Abe agreed with him and tried to be positive, “I know…. and we will, Roman… we will find them. But there is one thing working in our favor right now.”

“Oh and what’s that, Abe?”

“Stefano doesn’t know where they are either… and that buys us some time.”

Recalling the number of strongholds they *knew* about, Roman said, “Yea…. thank God for small favors. But his network is so huge and far reaching… I bet he finds them before we do.”

And what was the Old Man doing?

He was sitting tight in his Salem Mansion, enjoying the season of Spring, the flowers in his extensive garden already beginning to bloom. He was one cool customer, no doubt about it. Whether his people were searching for John or had already located the man, he was being very quiet about it.

“‘Well, I’m tired of waiting around for something to break. I’m going out there again, see if I can get him to give anything up by pushing him!” said Bo, suddenly jumping to his feet and heading for the door.

Snagging his brother’s left arm as he passed by, Roman countered, “No, Bo… I don’t think that’s the way to handle this thing. Let Stefano think we’re buying his act.”

Scoffing at that suggestion, Bo argued, “Oh come on Roman, he knows better than that… might as well try to make him sweat.”

Abe stepped out from behind his desk and toward the other two, saying, “This time, I think Bo’s right. I want to confront Dimera about incident again. I think I can coax a search warrant out of the judge if I put the right spin on it, Roman.”

His eyebrows raised, Roman was incredulous, “A search warrant? Abe, it’s been two days… you don’t think Dimera’s people have cleaned the place up by now?”

“Roman.. there had to be a lot of blood on the floor of that barn like structure John was talking about… and what about shell casings? We might find something to prove he’s been messing with John’s mind again. It’s all we’ve got to help John’s case right now. If we don’t find something soon… by the time we do figure out where John is, he’s going to be tried and convicted in the court of public opinion as a ruthless assassin. “

“Yea… and then some yahoo rookie cop looking to make a name for himself, is going to try to gun him down. I don’t want that to happen, Bro… do you?”

“Of course I don’t Bo.. and I sure as hell don’t want Marlena getting caught up in the middle of a shootout. Alright… I agree, let’s try to get the warrant and go back out there.”

* * *
His minions kept watch on the drive while he relaxed and enjoyed listening to the triumphant sounds of the incomparable symphony number five by Ludwig van Beethoven. Music for the soul.

Although he’d expected their arrival at any moment, Stefano found himself irritated at the interruption. “Mr. Dimera, they’re here, just as you predicted.”

He turned off the stereo and laughed. “Of course. They are so predictable. I must say it is getting a bit boring of late. I shall endeavor to think of some ways to make it more interesting. Have our men in Florida managed to locate John as yet?”

“No sir, but they’re narrowing the search. Looks like Miami or possibly the Keys.”

“Good work…. I tend to think he is in Miami. There is much significance there for John and if the memories have begun to return to him, he will soon remember that city and the surrounding areas quite well.”

“Yes sir, I’ll tell the teams to focus on Miami.”

“Very good, now disappear, we cannot have the Salem Police see you here. Illiana will be answering the door.”

Straightening his suit, Stefano smiled with delight as he prepared himself for a trio of angry men in search of answers about their friend, and presumably the woman he loved. It was all moving along so splendidly, just as he had planned.

“Ah, good morning gentlemen, what can I do for you this fine morning?”

“Cut the bull, Stefano, we have a warrant and we want to search the property, specifically the barn structure where you made John kill those two dogs,” Abe said, stepping inside the mansion without an invitation.

“What barn structure, surely you don’t believe such a fantastic story. There is no such structure on the estate. Feel free to waste your time searching, however. I’ll just wait right here until you’re finished.”

They looked at each other, struggling to figure out how they could be so wrong. He wasn’t threatened at all, and he wasn’t lying. There was no such building on his property.

Finally, Bo sifted through the subterfuge, “Dimera, we all know that John didn’t just *imagine* it, so why don’t you save us all a lot of time and tell us where it happened. “

He laughed at the ridiculous nature of the man’s demand. “Bo, your friend, John… he was seeing a psychologist, was he not? And then that man had such an unfortunate accident. Therefore, John is suffering from the loss of the first person whom he perceived was able to truly help him recover his supposed lost memories. I think that perhaps he has conjured up this so-called “incident” in order to escape the past he is starting to remember, a past that I understand, from what I’ve seen in the news lately, is in direct contrast to the life he has built for himself here in Salem. “

That fired Bo up, and he got right in the man’s face, “You’re so full of crap, Stefano! We know what happened. We know that you were responsible for all the information that made its way to the press and for whatever crimes he *might* have committed. You kidnapped him, held him hostage and stripped his memory away. Then you brainwashed John and forced him into that life. And we WILL find a way to prove it!”

Stefano only laughed in response, and although he could tell Bo was close to losing control of his emotions, admirably the man restrained himself and stepped back. Wordlessly, the frustrated but still determined trio let themselves out the front door, leaving him alone in the foyer of his home.

He watched them talk amongst themselves just outside his door for a moment or so, before being satisfied there was no cause for concern. They had next to nothing and were grasping at straws. He’d long since received his pardon and there was no solid evidence to tie him to John Black’s life as a gun for hire in Europe, among other things, well over a decade ago. All he had to do now, was let the chips fall where they may. If Stefano and his people were able to locate the man and regain control over his mind, he would resume that life. If not, and John Black were subsequently apprehended by the civil authorities, he would most likely end up in prison, or worse.

Either way, Stefano Dimera, criminal mastermind, looked to be in the clear, John would suffer and disappear from Salem, leaving Marlena free for the taking if Stefano so desired. It was the perfect revenge against his long time enemy, a man who had betrayed him at a critical point in time, and who was later ultimately responsible for the deaths of two of his children. For all of that, John Black deserved an entire lifetime of pain, in one form or another.

* * *
As the three men were preparing to leave Stefano’s estate empty handed, Bo’s cell phone rang, making them all jump at the shrill sound. “Hello?” he answered, hoping it was good news.

“Bo… it’s me… “

He was so relieved he missed the terror in the man’s voice, “John… thank God… where the hell are you?”

“Miami…..”

“Miami…. what in the heck…”

“Bo, listen… it’s Doc… she’s missing… I…. I went to… meet her… and she wasn’t there… She’s gone, Bo. I can’t find her! I can’t find her anywhere!”

“John… calm down… I know this is tearing you apart, but you have to try to stay calm so I can help you.”

“Yea… I know..” Laboring to control his fear for her safety, John worked at slowing his breathing and his heart, which he swore he could feel slapping against the walls of his chest. “She was…. she flew down here… on a charter, Bo… I got to the airport late… because of a flashback… and when I got to the gate…. she wasn’t there. Nobody knows anything…or at least they aren’t talking… You gotta help me find her, Bo!”

He sounded like he was coming apart at the seams. “John, listen… is there *anybody* on the inside down there, anyone you can stay with until we get there?”

“We… what do you mean, we?” His radar for danger was going off all over the place. The more people involved, the more trouble would follow, let alone the legal situation he might soon face.

His erstwhile brother hesitated for only a moment, “Abe and Roman are with me. They know everything, John.”

The line went dead.

The frown on Bo’s face told his friends all they needed to know. “He hung up on you, didn’t he?”

Bo nodded. “Yep… Marlena is missing and he’s alone in Miami, or at least I think he is. Anyway, he chartered a plane and was supposed to meet her at the gate, but she wasn’t anywhere to be found when he got there. Needless to say he’s in pretty rough shape.”

“Dammit!” A small chorus voiced the most appropriate expletive and nothing more before the trio raced toward Abe’s car, headed for the Salem airport.

Marlena stepped out of the cab in front of the art deco style hotel and dug her right hand into her purse, in search of two things–her cell phone and a number. ‘Now, where is that phone number he gave me? It was a new cell phone, a different company entirely than his other, and she’d written it down on the back of one of her own business cards. They came in handy in many situations, but they were easily misplaced in the depths of a woman’s purse.

Recalling what John had said to her a time or two in regard to surveillance, she carefully and unobtrusively scanned the area around the front entrance, as well as across the street, and was satisfied with her efforts. Entering the lobby, Marlena did the same kind of quick perusal. All was clear there as well. It was now safe to assume that she had not been followed. Therefore, it was time to make the call, a call that might be considered long overdue. John would be out of his mind with worry by now.

* * *
The phone was ringing at the Dimera Mansion, its owner hoping for good news. Setting his drink down on the desk, he answered it to hear his man say, “Sir… we tracked her to Miami. Looks like Black chartered a plane for her.”

“Then you have her.” His statement was met with meaningful silence. And finally a timid reply, “Uh, no Sir, she uh… she never got off the plane.”

“What… well then where is she?”

“I’ve got several teams combing the airport, but so far they’ve turned up nothing, except a frantic John Black. The only thing we can think of is that she’s still on that plane.”

“Then for goodness sake, board the plane!”

“Can’t do that, Sir.. there are rent a cops crawling all over this place… seems Black is a little beside himself with worry over his lady and he got airport security involved.”

“Good… then he’ll make mistakes and he’ll miss things he shouldn’t. Follow his every move and take him when you have the chance. Then we’ll find her too. If she’s in hiding somewhere, she’ll come out when he turns up missing.”

“Yes, Sir….”

He sat down at the chess table, fingering the pieces which symbolized his greatest creation and the lady he coveted for himself. “One way or the other, I shall soon have you both…. my Pawn…and my precious Queen.” Stefano was quite pleased with himself, thinking how well it would work to hold them both captive at the same time again. If he sincerely believed that Marlena was in danger, John would submit his will to his rightful master, in hopes of protecting her from harm.

* * *
John was pacing now. Back and forth across the tarmac. Finally, he headed for the plane again, knowing that he had to check for her there one last time. He was stopped by a burly black security officer, who looked like he could have been a linebacker in the pros. “I’m sorry, Sir…. she’s not here. I’m telling you the same thing I did the last time. As far as we can determine, she never got on the plane in the first place. Marlena Evans was *not* a passenger on this flight.”

“But, dammit, I was the one who chartered it! Who *else* was on it?”

“I can’t tell you that, Sir. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to leave now.”

John blew out a long hard breath and went back down the steps of the walkway. It was like being in the Twilight Zone or something. He personally chartered a flight from Salem to Miami, so that his fiancée could join him. But when he arrived at the airport, she was nowhere to be found and no one knew anything of her whereabouts. ‘So, what in the hell could have happened to her?’

* * *
“There he is!” Bo shouted, heading for the stairs that led to the lower level.

The other two simply followed him, hoping that he had indeed seen their quarry, a man they were all worried about.

Bo called out to him when he got within earshot, “John…”

He whirled around to face the man, “What are you doing down here?”

“I came to help you out.”

He glanced over at Abe and Roman, who were hanging back slightly. “Oh, and how about them? Did they come to help me or to arrest me?”

Abe answered before Bo could, stepping closer, “John, there are some things you don’t know, things we’ve figured out since you left.”

“Oh, and what is that?”

“Well, Bo has a theory about something, and we agree that it’s possible. We need to go over it with you. It has to do with your past.”

“Nope, sorry, no time for talking. I have to find Marlena. Something went horribly wrong. She never arrived on the flight I chartered. Or at least no one’s willing to admit that she did. “

Roman put in his two cents as well, “John, this is serious and it involves both of you, and your safety. Please listen to what we have to say, and then we’ll help you find Marlena. Alright?”

“Alright… I’m willing to do that much. Sure… where do you want to go?”

“How about on the roof of the parking structure? We should have the privacy we need up there, ” Abe proffered.

“Fine, lead the way gentlemen.” The other three turned and headed toward the bank of elevators that would take them up to level ten, the highest level of the parking garage. John followed a step or two behind, still wary of Roman’s motivation for coming along on the trip. They’d had their go rounds of late, and John wasn’t entirely convinced that the man wasn’t planning to slap handcuffs around his wrists the first chance he got.

When they were all out of the elevator and on their way toward the north east corner, nearest the runways, John said, “Okay, now what’s this all about, Bo?”

“John, this isn’t going to go over real well, but I need you to hear me all the way out. Can you do that?”

He nodded, not wanting to commit but seeing that it was the only way to get the man to start talking to him. “Yea, alright, I’ll listen to the whole thing. Tell me what’s on your mind, little brother.”

The man’s biological sibling winced at the term of familial endearment. John only smiled at him. Bo took note of the silent exchange but didn’t comment. “John, do you remember when we were on the plane before you left and you were talking about going after Stefano?”

“Yea, I remember. What about it, Bo?”

“I saw something in your eyes, man… something I’ve never really seen before. John you were cold as ice and I could tell that something strange was happening to you.”

“What exactly are you getting at, Bo?” John said, sounding on the defensive already.

“John, I’m not going to beat around the bush here, I think Stefano may have set off some triggers in your brain with that demonstration you told me about. In fact, it’s pretty clear that he’s been working you over ever since the day Kristen committed suicide.”

“Yea… I know that. So?”

“So, I think he’s trying to bring back his greatest creation–his mercenary. The music, the phone calls, your hooking up with that psychologist and then having the guy die just when you were on the verge of a breakthrough, as well as the dinner with Marlena where you punched him out. It’s all been very calculated, John. And now, this latest incident with you shooting the dogs. It’s all about regaining control over your mind, over your life. He plans on forcing you to do his bidding again, and destroying your happiness with Marlena in the process. John, he wants you to come after him because he’s going to take you and turn you back into that man in the pictures he sent to Sami and Eric.”

It was overwhelming. Even though a part of him had acknowledged that very concept, John didn’t want to believe it, he couldn’t believe it. He only shook his head and backed away from them, not saying a word at first. And then his breathing sounded funny, his anxiety level obviously rising as the question ran through his mind. What if it were true?

Suddenly, John seemed wiped out–emotionally and physically spent. His balance wavered and he sat down hard on the concrete surface of the parking garage, leaning heavily against the wall. Sitting still and silent, he contemplated all that Bo had just related. For the longest time, he sat there shaking his head in disbelief. Then one word escaped his mouth, in a horror filled whisper, “No….”

Roman challenged him to face it, “We’re sorry to be the ones to tell you this, John… but I think you know it’s true. Don’t you?”

“No, he can’t… do that to me again. I won’t… let him. I’ll kill him first!” John threatened through clenched teeth, his fear and anger melding into an unpredictable and dangerous package.

Abe tried to help, by setting limits, and giving encouragement, “No, John… we can’t let you do that. But we can help you. We can find another psychologist or psychiatrist who can work with you to break the chains that bind you to him, to identify and then eliminate the triggers.”

He almost leaped to his feet, his frustration written all over his face. “How, Abe… if after all this time… they’re still there… just waiting to be tripped? All he does is play a few bars of some classical music and my mind turns to mush? I obey his every command without question. My God, I killed two living beings without any trace of resistance, without even remembering that I did it! Can’t somebody please tell me, how in the HELL is that even possible?” The man was in anguish over it, nearing the release of tears at the thought of being so thoroughly controlled by that monster of a man, Stefano Dimera.

Roman added his perspective, finally realizing the full emotional impact the situation was having on John. The man was in a living hell and he needed support and understanding. “We don’t know, John… but we know it’s not your fault. None of it is your fault and we’ll help you prove your innocence.”

Glancing back and forth between the three men, and looking out over the runways, feeling panic rising, he spoke almost desperately, “I need Marlena, I need her so bad! She’ll know what to do, Bo. She always knows what to do.”

His erstwhile brother nodded in agreement and squeezed John’s shoulder, trying to give him reason to hope. “I know, John. I know you do. And we’ll help you find her. Together, we’ll find her. Okay?”

Slightly calmer, he strove to slow his breathing and said, “Yea, okay…. okay. Thanks you guys, all of you. For coming down here.. for believing in me. “

“You’re welcome, John. We know that if you committed any of the criminal acts the information in that file indicates, it was because he forced that life on you. You didn’t willingly assassinate people.”

“I swear it, Roman, on everything that’s sacred! “

They didn’t know what else to say and he was shaking his head and muttering under his breath, the sounds of profound distress growing deeper as he continued to process what he was learning. “I thought I was a priest, you know? I really thought that I was a priest… someone who helped people. And now, I come to find out… that was just a cover, and I was….killing people for him! Oh God!”

Abe hated that it caused him so much pain, hated that bastard Dimera with a passion. Most of all he hated what the monster had done to his close friend, stealing his identity and his trust in his own basic goodness. “John… listen to me and believe this–it wasn’t you. It was all Stefano’s doing. He’s guilty of killing those people, just as if he was the one pulling the trigger, not you.”

“Yea…. tell that to the families, and to the countries I destroyed for him. I’m sure they’ll understand completely.”

“John… stop this! Stop it right now! We know the truth and it’s all going to come out sooner or later. At the very least by the time it goes to trial.”

Images from Aremid flashed in his mind. The knowledge of his innocence in the face of a guilty verdict, the shock of hearing the judge render a sentence of death. The fear he denied outwardly, the internal struggle to find his courage and make peace with his impending execution. Swallowing hard, John repeated the last word, “The trial… Oh, man… have I been formally charged yet?”

Abe answered the question, having just gotten off the phone with several of the groups involved in the decision on what kind of charges would be filed. “No, not yet. But, I won’t lie to you, John, it’s coming soon. They’re still going over all of the evidence and running down the facts of each alleged incident.”

“Who is they?”

Abe looked at the other two, checking in with them. They nodded as if say, ‘We owe him the truth.’ Then he turned his attention back to John and answered honestly, “State Department, DEA, ATF, CIA, FBI, MI6, Interpol…. You name the agency, they’re involved in it, as well as the governments of France, Spain, Italy, and several eastern European, Asian and South American countries..”

It knocked him almost to the ground again, the shock of hearing just how much trouble he was headed for if he gave himself up and went back to Salem with them. “What about Stefano? Is he implicated in any of it? Is there any evidence to link the… crimes to him or his organization?”

Their protracted silence was all the answer he required. Every bit of evidence uncovered thus far pointed directly to the alleged assassin himself and no one else. Without warning, John was back on his feet and bolting for the stairwell. He’d made it down two floors before the others could even react. Seeing an open elevator, he took it down to the third level, then raced for his borrowed car.

Behind him, he heard a chorus of warning cries, “No, John… wait! Don’t run… that’s not the answer, John! You’ll only make things worse for yourself!”

Bo, Abe, and Roman rushed to catch up with him, guessing at where he’d gotten off the elevator. They reached the short term parking area just in time to see an expensive white sports car–maybe a Ferrari–take off at a fast clip, spinning tires and burning rubber on the way out the gate.

The three of them stood on the blacktop surface and watched him drive away, still winded and laboring to catch their breath. Finally, it was Bo who said, “Dammit! We should have known this would happen! He shouldn’t have to face this alone!”

Roman was shaking his head, disappointed but not surprised. Abe had an expression on his face that mirrored Roman’s as that man replied to his younger brother. “John made his choice, Bo. He decided to run, and there’s nothing we can do about it. We have to call this in. From now on, John will be considered a fugitive from justice, Bo…. and he’s out there on his own. We can’t help him unless he turns himself in.”

“Well how did you two expect him to react? Marlena is missing, Stefano wants him, and you just told him about the alphabet soup that’s heating up as we speak. He knows he doesn’t stand a chance of proving his innocence once he’s behind bars. So, John’s going to get the goods on Dimera on his own. And he’s going to find Marlena. She’s what’s most important to him, we all know that. He won’t even think of turning himself in until he knows she safe.”

Roman nodded. “Well, that’s one thing we can all agree on. Finding Marlena and keeping her safe is high on everybody’s list.”

* * *
Driving down Highway One, preparing to turn off and cross the Intracoastal Waterway, John heard a sound that was somewhat familiar. It took a moment or two to register where it originated. Then it hit him. It was his new cell phone ringing. “Hello?” he answered tentatively, trying to remember who knew the number.

“John, it’s me…”

“Doc!” His heart filled with a combination of joy and relief, and a hint of sadness because in the back of his mind, John was aware that their reunion, however glorious it might be, would also be short lived. “Where are you?” he asked, putting aside all negative thoughts in favor of getting to her as soon as was humanly possible. If only he could hold her in his arms, everything would be alright. Somehow he would find a way to face whatever came next.

His heart was pounding against the walls of his chest so hard John thought she had to be hearing it through the airwaves. “Marlena, oh it’s so good to hear from you. Where are you? Are you okay?” he asked in rapid succession, happy, relieved, and worried all at the same time.

“Yes, I’m fine and I’m in Miami Beach. I just checked into the Mercury….do you know it?”

“Yea, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad. It’s in South Beach, right?” The thumping was quieting down now, and breathing was easier.

“Yes, that’s it.”

He hesitated, hoping she would provide him with an explanation. Quickly realizing that none was forthcoming, he asked, “So… why there… and why weren’t you on the plane I chartered?”

“It’s a long story, John… and I want to tell you, but it can wait until we’re together. Where are *you* by the way?” she asked, hoping he wasn’t far away.

“I’m on Dixie Highway, pretty close to MacArther Causeway, probably about five or six miles from the hotel.”

“Oh, thank goodness… I’m in a corner penthouse suite–oceanfront on the right side of the building. I signed in using the last name of Smith and paid cash for the room for two nights. Your name is Frank, by the way.”

He smiled at her inventiveness. “Smart girl… I can’t wait to see you, Marlena… there’s so much I have to say….”

“John, honey, there’ll be plenty of time to talk when you get here. I love you.”

“I love you too, Doc… so much.”

While awaiting his arrival, she gazed out over the terrace railing at the ocean and watched the waves gently rolling up onto the shore, remembering times past, times much like the present. Times of uncertainty. They had come to this city long ago, working to uncover the mystery of her missing years. So soon afterward, he learned that he was not the man whose life he had lived for nearly seven years. “Oh, John… and now here we are again, trying to solve a mystery… of who and what you were. Of who you are.”

In the instant of remembering, she realized how deeply she hated the man who had stolen John’s life away in the first place. Stefano Dimera had wreaked such havoc in their lives and now when they had finally found their way back to each other, the monster in human clothing was threatening to tear them apart again. “No, wait a minute; that’s not right… I *know* who he is… the man he is with me, and I love him with all my heart..”

Marlena made a silent vow that it would not happen the way Stefano planned. No matter what that bastard did to try and make her doubt the man she loved, she would not be deterred.

“What about the man I was all those years ago? The man in those pictures you saw? What if you find out I did the things they’re saying about me? What then, Doc?” He stood in the doorway, waiting.

Her eyes flew open wide at the sound of his voice, all concerns about his identity fading away in favor of rejoicing in his presence. “John!” She whirled around and immediately launched herself into his arms. And in that split second, he looked into her dazzling golden eyes, eyes filled with love, filled with the joyful tears of anticipation. Sighing with relief, he obliged her with a bear hug, twirling her around in a circle, delighted to be holding her close. They said nothing for some time after that, content to gaze into moist pools and caress each other’s faces. It was as if they’d been apart for weeks instead of merely hours.

Wiping away some of her tears with the tips of his outstretched fingers, he offered a heartfelt apology, “Oh, Doc… I’m so sorry…. for leaving you alone at the church, for everything, I just didn’t….”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t blame you, John… and I’m so sorry for what he’s done to you… it’s so unfair.”

“Yea, he’s really done a number on me this time. Doc, it doesn’t look good. From what I’ve heard about the agencies involved in this thing and the charges they’re probably considering, I could easily spend the rest of my life behind bars. Maybe worse.”

Images from Aremid flooded her mind’s eye and she cried out in her fear of a repeat, without the last minute rescue, “Oh, John… but you’re innocent. The truth has to come out somehow, doesn’t it?”

Staring out toward the ocean, he shook his head sadly and said, “Unfortunately the real truth doesn’t matter, Marlena…. only the evident truth. What he’s made it look like is that I was acting independently, that I was a ruthless mercenary–a gun for hire who worked all over Europe, Asia, and South America–offering my services to the highest bidder.”

“There must be some way to prove that IF you did all those things they’re saying, that it was against your will, that he forced you to do them.”

Her steadfast faith meant a lot. As it had in Aremid, it would sustain him in the dark hours that lay ahead. “It’s pretty doubtful Marlena. None of the evidence uncovered so far implicates Stefano’s involvement in any of the assassinations or other crimes. It all points to me, every picture, and every single article. I look guilty as sin right now, Doc. And I have no way of proving otherwise, because I can’t remember!” It was so frustrating.

“Well then, we’re going to make sure you do…. John, we’re going to pick up where Doctor Travers left off with you. We’re going to put you under hypnosis, again and again, until we unravel the mystery of your past.”

“Do you really think that’s possible, Doc?” he asked, searching for the truth in her eyes, almost afraid to hope.

“I think it’s our only chance… John, you *have* to remember!”

“Nothing like a little pressure to get the old neurons to fire,” he said with a slight chuckle.

“John, I want you to start by telling me about the demonstration Stefano staged for you on our wedding day, every last detail you can recall.”

“Why, Doc..”

“Because I think it’s significant.”

“Significant, how?”

“Well, everything Stefano has done since Kristen died has been so calculated and I think he’s got some grand plan for us, for you.”

“Like recreating his mercenary?”

“Yes, and he’s intending to break up our relationship in the process.”

“You’re probably right. That’s what everybody else thinks too.”

“Everybody else?”

“Bo, Abe, and Roman….”

“They’re here, you’ve talked to them? I thought you said you didn’t want anyone to know where you were.”

“Yea… well when I couldn’t find you, I kind of… lost it. Basically, I panicked and called Bo; they tagged along. They told me that pretty much every major intelligence agency in the world is involved in the case they’re building against me. Along with several governments. I’m in some major shit here, Doc.”

“Well, then start by telling me everything you can remember about what happened at the Mansion the other day. Don’t leave anything out because you think I can’t handle it. I need to know everything he said and did, everything you said and did.”

He sat down in the armchair across from the bed, where his wife had taken up residence. Looking around the room for the first time, he realized how spectacular the place was with its antique furnishings, and the view of the ocean was incredible. How he wished they were here for a romantic interlude, their honeymoon perhaps. Instead of being on the run from troubling news of his unremembered past. After a wistful sigh escaped, John began to tell the tale, “Okay…. we were talking and I could tell that he had something going because he had that look in his eyes, you know the one he gets when his plans are progressing just the way he wants them to?”

She nodded. “Yes… I remember it well. I hate that look.”

“Me too. So, anyway… he starts taunting me, saying that my coming there is a waste of time, and of course I got into it with him, asking him why. He said I shouldn’t be so sure of my problems being solved by remembering my past. Something about an alternate reality that might come about if I regained all my memories. Then before I could begin to figure out what he meant, he clicked that damn remote of his and some classical music started to play. I felt my mind starting to cloud over, and the next thing I know I’m coming out of a trance, and Stefano’s cueing up the VCR. That’s when he showed me the tape I told you about.”

“And you said you looked at your watch?”

“Yea, an hour had passed, Doc… and I had absolutely *no* memory of it. There’s just nothing to explain that hour except what he showed me. I was under his complete control. He ordered me to kill the dogs, and I did it without hesitation. The worst part of it is that it seemed like I was enjoying it, Doc… “

She turned away and then was silent for a time, and it worried him. “What, Marlena…. what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking, he’s the most evil person who ever lived, John. And I can only hope and pray that we can find a way to help you remember everything he forced upon you, and collect enough evidence to put him in jail for the rest of his life. Or better yet, get him executed for what he’s done.”

“Yea, or it could be me,” he said sounding almost like he believed it would be the end result.

A cold shiver ran down her spine at the mere thought of it. “No, John, don’t say that. Honey, this time…. if that’s the way it looks, when you’re out on bail, I want you to run…as fast and as far away as you possibly can. “

His head shaking, he started to argue, “Doc… listen to me… “

“No, you listen to me! I won’t watch you being put through the trauma of another trial on false charges. I watched you in Aremid, John. You were so brave and so strong, but I know that inside it was tearing you apart. You tried to hide it, and I tried to believe you, but deep down, John, I knew… I knew how horrible it made you feel, how terrified you were of being put to death for something you didn’t do. I WON’T let that happen! I would live the rest of my life on the run with you, rather than see you go through that horror again.”

“Doc, then all our lives will be ruined. It’s not fair to you. This is because of my past, my association with Stefano. No, if it comes down to that, I’ll go. I’ll leave you to live a normal life with the kids.”

“Do you think I could be happy, wondering where you are, if you’re alright? Worrying about seeing some news report on CNN late at night about how this dangerous fugitive was chased across the Continent and gunned down?”

He put his hands on her slender shoulders and spoke quietly in contrast to her anxiety, “Marlena… please, try to stay calm, it’s going to be…”

She stared him down. “You’re going to tell that it’s going to be okay? Well, it’s not okay, John! I’m angry and I want Stefano to feel the pain, I want HIM to be locked up behind bars wondering whether he’ll get the death penalty for HIS crimes. Crimes we all *know* he committed. And I won’t rest until I get it!”

“Woah, Doc… you’re really serious about this aren’t you?” John was taken aback by her vehemence, realizing even more fully than he had before, that her protectiveness for those she loved was every bit as fierce as his.

“Yes, I’m serious. You didn’t do anything wrong, John, I know you didn’t. With all my heart I know you aren’t to blame for any of those shootings. Not even…” She stopped short as the image of John kneeling in the balcony at St. Luke’s with a high powered rifle in his hands, apparently preparing to shoot Roman, flashed inside her head.

She was shivering all of a sudden and it scared him. Moving in closer, he said, “What, Marlena… not even what?”

“John, do you remember anything about the time before you came to Salem?”

Shaking his head, he denied it, “Just some bits and pieces. I’ve had some flashbacks lately, about heavy duty training, firing off a bunch of rounds with some machine guns and sniper’s rifles…. why? What are you getting at?”

Hearing him talk of weapons made it all the more likely that it had indeed been him in the balcony. Remembering how traumatic the experience was, and how she feared for Roman’s life at the time, she turned away, fighting the powerful swell of emotion. “Oh, John…”

“What is it, Marlena… please tell me.” She was on the verge of tears. What could it be?

“There was this one… set of photographs, John… and you were….” Again she stopped short, somehow finding herself unable to utter the words.

Now he was upset too, “Doc, what was I doing?”

“John, it looks like you were the shooter at my wedding to Roman in 1984. The pictures showed that you were the sniper in the balcony. “

He almost fell onto the floor with the shock, barely catching the edge of the bed so as to avoid a hard landing. Stunned, he managed to right himself, but couldn’t say a thing.

Marlena looked at the man she loved. He was as devastated as she had been to learn that bitter news. Which meant to her that he had no recollection of the incident. She breathed a huge sigh of relief, all lingering traces of doubt drifting right out of her head.

There was a long silence as she crossed the room to sit with him for awhile. She reached over and took his right hand in both of hers. Finally, he raised his head from its bowed position and said softly, “Oh, God Doc… I am SO sorry… I’m just so sorry…. for dragging you down here, for ever getting you mixed up with me in the…”

She put the first two fingers of her right hand to his lips. “Stop it right there! I love you, John Black and this doesn’t change a thing. It’s terribly upsetting, I won’t deny that, but I know in my heart and soul that the man in the pictures I saw doesn’t exist anymore. He was Stefano’s creation and he’s nothing like you.”

Not quite as sure as she seemed to be, John asked the question that had kept him awake for most of the night before. “What if… Stefano gets his hands on me again somehow, and that other man comes back?”

“Then we’ll travel the world to get you the help you need to break his control over you. I won’t lose you to that bastard, John. Do you hear me, I won’t!!”

His head nodded as if he understood and believed her, but his words sounded shaky. “Yea, okay… thank you, Marlena…for loving me, for standing by me. I don’t know what I’d ever do if….”

“John, you’re not going to lose me. No matter what, you’re not going to lose me. You have to believe that!”

She grabbed him and he held on tight, whispering with tearful passion, as the fingers of his left hand threaded the golden silkiness of her hair, “I *love* you, lady… I love you SO much!”

“And I love you SO much… my love.”

Fear and passion combined to take them to a place of desperation, of intense desire and the need to be close to each other. John gazed deeply into hazel eyes moist with tears, his own blue orbs misting over, their silent exchange meaning more than words ever could.

Gently, he cupped the tender cheeks of the woman he loved, tilting his head slightly to the side so that their lips were only inches apart. Hearing her sigh and knowing it meant she was feeling the same need, John brushed her lips with his. She exhaled a soft breath and he moaned and held her tight to his chest, savoring for a moment the anticipation of what was to follow.

Seconds later, the searing flames of desire would not be held back. Plunging his tongue inside her mouth, he kissed her powerfully, and she moaned with swiftly rising pleasure. Feeling the waves of warmth begin to stir, they began to undress each other, John lifting Marlena’s blouse without breaking contact. She did the same with his button down shirt.

Hands roved all over the exposed skin as they continued to kiss and neck. John took his lover down on the bed and finished divesting her of her clothing–panties, pantyhose, and dress slacks. She shivered from the coolness of the ocean air on her bare body, and more importantly, she shivered from tingly sensations born of the love he was beginning to make. “Oh, John…”

He smiled at her and she reached for his belt buckle. One hand was on the buckle, the other slipping in between the belt and his belly to caress him, her touch eliciting a low growling moan. Just looking at her was enough to get him going, but this was maddening. He wanted to merge with her in this very instant, to meld their minds, spirits, and bodies into that special, magical bond only they two could understand. “Oh, God, Doc, I need you right now!”

Breathless, she repeated the sentiment, “I need you too, honey… more than you’ll ever know, John. Make love to me all night long. Hold me tight and please don’t ever let go.”

“Never. I’ll *never* let you go!”

There was a cool but fierce determined look in his cobalt eyes, and the tone of his voice told her all she needed to know about the lengths to which he would go to stay with her, or to protect her from harm. She had no doubt that if it came to it, he could and would kill Stefano Dimera without remorse. And it scared her all the way to her soul.

Then he was kissing her again, as his hands made their way down the length of her naked body, gently kneading and caressing her skin, bringing on greater pleasure with every touch, every kiss, every swipe of his tongue. Within seconds, all thoughts other than those related to lovemaking, faded from view.

This was their moment out of time.

Because of the circumstances, their lovemaking was intense, but almost immediately after they had been able to catch their breath, their minds drifted back to a situation they would soon face. “So, what are we gonna do when the warrants have been issued and they come after me?” John asked, while leaning on one elbow, wishing the two of them could hide away from the world forever.


Marlena sat up in bed and looked him in the eye, willing him to accept her support as well as her companionship. “They won’t find you. They won’t find us,” she added with emphasis on the last word, stroking his left cheek with tenderness.


“I can’t ask you to go on the run with me, Marlena… we have the kids to think about. They need you. “


“They need you too, John….”


Shaking his head, he climbed out of bed and headed toward the window, absently taking in the picturesque view of the ocean. “Not as much as they need you, and we both know that. I have to do this alone, Doc…. it’s the only way.”


Marlena came around the end of the bed and followed him, stopping only a couple of feet away. “No, I won’t let you face this by yourself. It’s not right. John.”


Turning toward her, he told her what he hoped would convince her that it would hurt his cause if she tagged along. “Marlena, in order to get the evidence I need to implicate Stefano, there are places I’ll have to go, people I’ll have to see, things I’ll have to do…. well, let’s just say, that you wouldn’t like it very much and I’d be worried about you and wouldn’t be able to focus. And *that* could get both of us killed.”


She looked at him and started to cry. Then she grabbed his face and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. At that point, all discussion of what came after this one special night of love was tabled.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


After a few more hours of intimacy and talk about their lives, their friendship, their love, and of course their children, the exhausted couple finally fell asleep, their bodies intertwined as if meant to fit together like two interlocking pieces of a puzzle.


Peaceful slumber was interrupted by an as yet unfamiliar high pitched sound. ‘What the hell is that?’ John was thinking as his lady answered his unspoken question. “The phone, honey… I think it’s your cell phone.”


“But, who would call me on that? You’re the only one with the number.” She shrugged and sat up while he climbed out of bed.


“Hello?” he said after scrambling for it, if only to stop the noise.


The caller wasted no time on greetings, “John, you have to get out of there, wherever you are….you have to leave now…get out of Miami.”


“Bo, how did you get this number?”


“It’s a long story, but the upshot of it is, Victor got it for me. Listen, John…. I’m not kidding, you don’t have much time.”


His heart sank. “Warrants have been issued, haven’t they?”


“Yea….”


“How long, Bo?”


“Less than an hour before they get serious. Some locals, the FBI, DEA, and a couple of guys from ATF are on the way…. you better go now. Take a helicopter, whatever you can do to get out of the state. Then arrange to meet your Jet across the country at a rural air strip. John, they’ve got the major airports and the bus station sealed off, and checkpoints are being set up on all the major highways going north and west.”


What his erstwhile brother was doing was more than risky and John asked about it, “Do Abe and Roman know you’re talking to me?”


“I’d think they might have guessed, but they’re not saying anything.”


“Why, Bo? Why you and not Abe?”


“Because I *know* you’re innocent, John, and I can’t stand to see you put behind bars for what that bastard Dimera forced you to do. Abe and Roman feel the same way, it’s just they’re following the book on this thing.”


It felt like the old days and a smile crept across his face. “I owe you one, little brother.”


“Two, but then who’s counting. Just get out of Miami and let me know when you’re safely stashed away somewhere. Okay?”


“Will do.. and thanks again.”


“No thanks necessary, John. “


He closed up the phone and immediately repacked what little he’d taken out of his navy blue duffel bag, purposely not looking at his fiancé.


“John, I’m going with you,” she said, sounding like she wasn’t going to back down.


He shook his head, striving to manufacture the phrases that would convince her otherwise, but failed and therefore said nothing at all. His eyes conveyed his concern for her well being, and that of his children. Finally, one word escaped his mouth, sounding more like a plea than a denial. “No,” he whispered softly, his head shaking again to accent it, “No.”


She was resolute, “There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind about this.”


“Please, Doc… it’s too dangerous. If I’m.. killed or sent to prison for the rest of my life, the kids are going to need you. We can’t risk your safety. I have to go this alone, and I think you know that.”


She started to cry, saying, “No, I don’t know that, John! What I know is that I love you with all my.. heart and I can’t bear to watch you walk away, not knowing where you’ll be or whether you’re safe. ” She rushed to close the distance between them, taking firm hold of his shirt collar and pleading with him, desperate to stay with him, “John, please, let me go with you.”


The tears killed him, nearly piercing his resolve. He managed to shake his head and look her in the eye, his slightly tremulous hands lightly grasping her bare shoulders, “Marlena, listen to me. I love you too, you know that. And more than anything I wish we could go back to Salem together, get married and live the life we’ve been dreaming of, but it’s not going to happen until I find a way to clear my name. I have to go out there and prove that Dimera was responsible for all those horrible things.”


Seeing that truth in his determined blue eyes, she finally nodded and whispered a reply, “God I hate this. I’m so scared John… “


“Me too, Marlena… but it’s the way it has to be… for now.”


She started to weep and he held her close, savoring the physical contact they both knew would have to last them for a long time. “God, I’m gonna miss you, Doc,” he said through trembling lips.


Marlena only nodded and continued to cry, all the while wishing for a miracle solution to their problems. After several long moments, they reluctantly separated themselves. John picked up his bag of belongings and headed for the door, turning back to say a soft, “Goodbye for now.”


“Goodbye, honey.. I’ll be thinking of you every day.”


“So will I be thinking of you. And don’t ever forget, not even for a second that I love you and I’m doing this for us, for the kids. We’ll never have the life we want if I can’t find a way to clear my name. I’m going out there to fight for our future.”


“I won’t, John, I promise. And don’t you ever forget how much I love you, how much I need you in my life. No matter what the papers say about you, I will never stop loving you the way that I do right now. I *know* that you’re innocent, John, and I won’t give up the fight until we’ve proven it.”


At that point, the only thing left to do was open the door and walk out. But he found he couldn’t manage it, not yet. John turned to see her in silent tears, her cheeks flushed and red with fear and anguish. He closed the distance between them and held her tight to his chest, doing battle with those same emotions. What if he never did find the evidence he needed? What if he had to choose between a life on the run and a life behind bars, the end result of both choices being that he would never get the chance to marry and raise his children with the woman he loved. “I won’t give up either, Marlena, not for one second! I love you so much.”


“And I love you… so…” she cried softly, holding him even closer for one last moment before parting.


Suddenly, there were sirens in the background. They pulled out of the embrace and their eyes met one last time, exchanging deeper meanings than the spoken language ever could. And then without another word, John turned away, opened the door, and rushed down the hall toward the staircase, hoping he could get out of the building before the cops arrived and began to search the place. Once he’d made it to the basement level, John changed into his running clothes, stashed the duffel bag in a small, obviously unused storage closet and headed out toward the beach.


A tourist toting a small backpack and wearing a beat up old pair of sweats, a black headband, and a pair of Ray Ban’s on a leisurely Sunday morning jog, was not what the cops were expecting. His plan required him to cover a lot of miles on foot, but it just might allow him to get out of the area without being noticed. With one last glance up at the window of their room, during which he caught a glimpse of the spun gold that was the silky radiance of his fiancé’s hair, John took a deep breath and started to run. ‘I’m coming back to you, Doc… I swear I’m coming back,’ he said to himself as he began to focus on the daunting task at hand.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It was a rainy Spring day in Salem–a gray blanket of fog settling over the city–and Stefano’s patience was wearing thin. He was almost pacing in his den at the Mansion, staring out the window at an area that would soon be filled with flowers of every color in the rainbow and more. So thorough was his concentration that he almost didn’t hear the telephone ringing.


He picked it up on the fourth ring and was relieved to hear good news. “I’ve got them, Sir…. I just saw Black coming out of swanky hotel on South Beach. Looks like he’s headed out for his morning run, just like we thought he would. Do you want us to nab him, her, both of them?


“Perfect. I want you to take both of them–but separately. Take her first, while he’s out running. Have the others transport her immediately to the compound in the Keys, and wait until he returns. He’ll be tired, and once he knows we have Marlena, he’ll be more likely to cooperate.”


“Alright, Sir, we’ll get on it right away.”


“Report back to me with your progress.”


“Yes, Sir!”


The sun came out unexpectedly in mid morning, and Stefano stepped outside to walk among the opulent grounds of his Salem Mansion, smiling with delight. Again, his plans were unfolding just as he’d designed them. It was a glorious feeling, that sense of absolute power and control he so coveted. Soon, he would have his best mercenary, fighting at his side, effortlessly eliminating enemies to the cause.


Even better, at long last he would have his Queen. “Ah…. I suppose I should feel sorry for your loss, my hapless pawn, ” he said, fingering the small piece of hand carved ivory he’d picked from a line rowed out like soldiers on the teakwood chess board in his den. You will look upon the woman you have loved since the moment you first laid eyes on her and, sadly for you, won’t even recognize her.”

Page 45 of 48
Marlena watched the man she loved until he disappeared, at which point she
fell back on the bed and sobbed until the tears ran dry. She couldn’t
remember a time when she’d been more frightened about what the future held
in store. Glancing at her watch, she realized that almost an hour had passed
and there had been no knock on the door. ‘Maybe the police have caught him
already, maybe they….’


As her mind frantically came up with possible explanations for being
undisturbed, the door burst open. There were four men, two dressed in suits
and two in housekeeping uniforms. They said nothing and she knew it wasn’t
the police, so she ran for the bathroom, too frightened even to scream. The
two men in housekeeping uniforms caught her before she could close the door
and lock it. The other two joined in subduing her, and in a matter of
seconds she was lying on the bed, held down by three strong men, while the
third injected her with something. It was a sedative, she concluded, from
the warm fuzzy feeling that washed over her as she felt consciousness leave
her.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



He’d gone about three miles or so, heading toward the north end of Miami
Beach he figured, when he felt a sharp stinging sensation in his left thigh.
John reached down to touch the spot, when another one hit him in the lower
back on the right side. “Ow!” Immediately after that, he felt his legs
buckle, causing him to pitch forward. Having landed underneath the pier,
none of the sun worshipping public heard his cry. His last conscious thought
was about the impending impact of his face on a rock that sat wedged in wet
sand in front of him. ‘Oh, that’s gonna hurt.’



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


He woke up in the dark, alone. ‘Must have fallen asleep, but where?’


Confused, he tried to sit up but the stabbing pain in his head stopped him.
The attempt cost him dearly and he laid back, trying to recall what had
happened, laboring to ignore the intense throbbing inside his head.


John attempted to piece together the fragments of memory. He was with
Marlena. She was sleeping soundly, and he’d gone out for an early morning
run on the beach. Wasn’t that it, the last thing he remembered before waking
up in this dreary place? ‘No, no that’s not right…’ His recall was faulty.
John alternately rubbed his eyes and massaged his temples, willing it to
return to normal.


When his hand reached the middle of his forehead, his fingers touched a
thick spot of wet stickiness. “Blood,” he said flatly. “What the hell
happened to me and where’s Doc?” he asked the silent room, with four dingy
white walls and nothing to adorn it but the flimsy cot on which he was
sitting.


“All in good time, John…. all in good time.”


He jumped at the familiar sound and shouted out its source, “Stefano!”
immediately regretting the rise in decibel level which correlated directly
to an increase in the pounding pain inside his skull. An involuntary groan
was his response


“Ah, you always were a swift one, John,” he said, followed by that taunting
malevolent laughter.


John was struck speechless, trying to figure out exactly how he’d landed in
the evil bastard’s clutches again. “Where’s Marlena?”


“You’ll soon find out.”


Struggling mightily to stand up, and despite his painfully obvious state of
powerlessness, John issued the beginnings of a warning, “I swear, if you
hurt her…”


“What, John…. exactly what do you think you can do to me? Look around
you,” his captor challenged, inviting his prisoner to take his situation
into account. He was locked up and wearing only a pair of cut off shorts.


“I’ll kill you, you sick bastard!” Rushing toward the bars of his cell, John
thrust his hands forward toward the man’s neck, narrowly missing the mark.


Two men burst into the cell before John knew what was happening. They felled
him with three sharp punches to the gut, and one upper cut to the jaw. When
Dimera thought his captive could pay attention to something other than pain
and his inability to catch a breath, he made an emphatic statement, “You lay
a hand on me, even once, John, and the people you love will suffer greatly
for it. Is that understood?”


Seething with rage, the prisoner swallowed his pride and gave the Old Man
what he wanted. “Yea, it’s understood.”


“Good, now, I have something to show you, John.”


“Marlena? Can I see her, just for a second, to know she’s alright? I swear,
Stefano if you…”


“Ta, ta, ta…. here, look at this, John.” He held up a newspaper so that
John could take in the headline. The Sunday edition of the Miami Herald.
“Missing Millionaire’s Fiancé Found Dead in Miami Beach Hotel Room!” His
wide eyes scanned the page, the article underneath starting out in similar
fashion.


“Wealthy entrepreneur, John Black, reportedly the prime suspect in the
slaying, is now believed to be guilty of dozens of heinous crimes across
Europe, Asia, and South America, committed during the 1970’s and early
1980’s, crimes which only very recently came to light. Speculation has it
that Black tried to convince his fiancé of his innocence, but when the
attempt failed he subsequently killed her to prevent her from providing any
damaging information to legal authorities. Local and international warrants
have been issued for his arrest, and every major law enforcement agency in
the US and abroad is involved in building the case against him, as well as
the pursuit and apprehension of the suspect. John Black is being considered
armed and dangerous, and authorities state that he should be approached with
extreme caution.


John swallowed hard, finding a lump in his throat. Shaking his head, he
denied it, his voice betraying the opposite of what he was saying, “No, no
this can’t be true, Stefano, she’s not….”


Relishing his prisoner’s initial reaction, the jailkeeper laughed and said,
“Of course not, John… but, unfortunately for you, no one in a position to
help you knows that. You are a wanted man, John…. wanted on multiple
murder charges, and there’s no place to run.”


“Alright, let’s not waste any time here. What do you want from me, Old Man?”


His laughter cut him to the core. The man only laughed like that when he
knew beyond any reasonable doubt that his enemy was at his mercy. “John,
John, John…. haven’t you figured that out by now?”


“You want to bring back your Mercenary.”


“Very good.”


“No way that’s gonna happen, Stefano! I’ll *never* be your pawn again. I’ll
DIE first!”


“We shall see… just remember, John, if you do not cooperate, it is Marlena
who will pay the price for your resistance.” Then the man turned and walked
away.


“Where is she, you bastard. Where IS SHE?”


Stefano left his hostage alone to wonder in fear for her safety.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Bo and Roman were staring in through the doors at the Dade County morgue,
when Roman and then Bo voiced their strong beliefs, “I don’t care what they
say Abe, I KNOW she’s not dead!”


“He’s right, Abe, that’s not Marlena in there, it can’t be. John would
*never* do anything like that. He’d never hurt her, let alone… kill her.”


For the longest time, Abe just kept staring blankly through the window at
the Coroner performing the beginning part of an autopsy. “I don’t know what
to think. I don’t want to believe it, but he’s gone and it’s pretty clear
that he stayed in the room with her last night. If by some circumstance,
that woman in there isn’t Marlena, then where is she and what’s happened to
her. And where in the hell is John?”


Nobody had any answers at this point, only questions.


Then Bo said what was on all their minds, “Stefano….”


His brother thought about it for a moment and then agreed, thinking that it
made perfect sense. “Abe, you know come to think of it, it *has* to be! What
have we all been saying? Stefano’s been setting this whole thing up from the
beginning, pulling our strings. Now, he’s got Marlena, but he’s making it
look like she was killed by a man who betrayed her.


“Yea, and at the same time, he’s got John looking the part of this dangerous
fugitive he’s manufactured a mountain of evidence on, so that he’ll be a
hunted man with no where to hide. If he ever hopes to prove his innocence
and save Marlena, John will have no choice but to go along with whatever
Dimera has planned for him.”


“Damn, the man is twisted,” Bo said, muttering more to himself than anybody
else.


“Twisted, that’s a good word, Bo,” Abe said in agreement. Roman was nodding
but didn’t have anything to add. Having nothing else to go on, the three of
them went back to pacing and waiting for results.

It seemed an eternity that she waited for her captor to break his
silence, but she knew he would make her wait until she could stand it no
longer. Having nothing else to do, she acquainted herself with her
surroundings. The room looked so much like a page right out of a book
about the homes of the rich and famous, that she half expected to see a
celebrity host coming through on a tour. Unfortunately, her host was
rather infamous.


The decor was eclectic, with a distinctly European feel, Eighteenth
Century, she figured, from the looks of the furniture. The bed, dresser,
and vanity–made of cherry– were elegant and tasteful, not
ostentatious. Not that it mattered, because in the end, regardless of
how pleasant, when one was held somewhere against one’s will, the place
could be nothing more than an elaborate cage.


After checking the windows and doors for the fifth and final time, she
settled down in a comfortable armchair and let her eyes travel across
the grounds, as far as the wall of windows would allow her. Two hours of
staring out at the gardens was all she could stand. It reminded her of a
similar period of captivity, one she’d worked hard to forget.


It was an impossible feat as the memories assaulted her, and her fear
for the man she loved threatened to overwhelm her. ‘Oh, John…. where
are you, what’s happening to you? Are you here, in this same place or
has he separated us by miles instead of floors?’ she wondered, hoping
the latter was not true. She didn’t think she could bear not seeing him
again, not knowing what had happened to him.


Finally, the man who held all the answers was entering the room after a
polite knock on the door. She whirled to face him, demanding
information, “Stefano, if you’re not going to let me see John, won’t you
at least tell me what you’ve done with him?”


The wicked man smiled that Cheshire cat smile, the one she loathed. “In
good time, Marlena, all in good time.”


“You’ve already started the process, haven’t you?”


He raised an eyebrow but otherwise tried to act as though he had no idea
what she was talking about, crossing in front of her and moving toward
the wetbar in her room. “What process?” he asked, pouring them both a
brandy.


Not wanting to be party to any false pleasantry, she refused the drink.
“Oh, please don’t be coy with me, Stefano, the brainwashing,
transforming him back into your ruthless mercenary. That *is* your plan,
isn’t it?”


He merely smirked at her, downed what was left in his glass and said,
“Dinner will be served to you in your room tonight, precisely at 7:00.
Enjoy it, Marlena.” He meant that. It would serve to illustrate the
contrast between her existence and that of the man they’d been
discussing.


Marlena knew in her heart that everything she and John had been through
over the past few months had been leading up to some grand scheme, that
the man had big plans for John. But, what exactly were those plans, and
what would become of their love? she wondered.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The once excruciating pain was nearly gone now, or maybe he was somehow
removed from the suffering.


“I think maybe we should cool it for awhile. Look at him, man…. the
lights are out and nobody’s home,” said the largest of his attackers.


John remembered talking to Marlena one time about how people reacted to
various types of trauma, how some people had what could only be
described as an out of body experience while facing profound trauma. She
called it dissociation and it happened sometimes in cases of rape or
other sudden violent assault, ongoing sexual and/or physical abuse,
prolonged torture, the sudden death of a loved one, etc.


“Yea, besides it ain’t no fun when all the fight’s gone out of em. We
let him rest, maybe he’ll get some of that anger back. “


“Sure is more fun that way, huh guys?”


The others laughed heartily as the barrel-chested man who had last
spoken put all his weight into one last punch to their prisoner’s
already besieged midsection, taking note that the guy didn’t even groan
in pain as a rush of air was expelled due to the force of the blow.


As he stood there, or more accurately, was secured in a relatively
upright position, held in place by handcuffs connected to what amounted
to some chain link fencing, being beaten to a bloody pulp by five men,
John finally understood exactly what she meant. At a certain point in
the process, he didn’t feel the full impact of the punches any longer.
When they finally let him loose and he fell to the floor, he was outside
of himself and looking down over his battered and bleeding, seemingly
lifeless body, thinking that the guy on the ground looked like hell and
might not make it.


There was nothing after that, only a peaceful sensation of floating on a
sea of darkness. It wasn’t scary and he knew that it meant the fear and
suffering would soon be ending forever. He was leaving the planet and
there was no pain where he was going. At least he hoped that was so.


Just before he went out completely, an image flashed through his mind,
that of the woman he loved. She was distraught and weeping over his
prostrate form, which was lying motionless at the feet of his cruel
captor.


Even as he faded to black, John knew that that he could not allow his
imagined reality to come into being. He would not die; he was going to
take whatever they did to his mind, his body, and his spirit, and he was
going to live through it to make his way back to her. Sharing a life
with her was his destiny and there was nothing and no one in the world,
including Stefano Dimera, who could keep him from fulfilling that
destiny.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Thunder crackled loudly and the windows shook from the force of the
torrential downpour. South Florida was renowned for its harsh rainstorms
and the place was being true to form on this particular afternoon.


Frustrated and antsy himself, Bo watched his older brother moving back
and forth across the office they were in at least a dozen times before
finally losing his patience. “Roman, you’re going to wear a hole in the
carpet, why don’t you relax and have a seat for awhile?”


“Have a seat? Bo, Marlena is out there, God knows where, with Stefano
Dimera, and you want me to relax?” he yelled.


“Well, making yourself crazy with worry sure as hell won’t do her, or
John any good. So, why not give it a rest?”


Abe, who’d been growing increasingly weary over the last several hours,
stood up and said, “Rest, you know what, Bo that’s an excellent idea,
I’m so glad you thought of it. I think we should all go back to the
hotel and try to get some sleep. We won’t be doing anybody any good if
we can’t think straight because we’re too exhausted. What do you say,
Roman?”


He shook his head. “I don’t know. A lead could come in and we’d miss it.
I want to stay here.”


“What if I have one of my contacts here get in touch with me the minute
something comes over the wire?” Abe proffered, hoping Roman would
acquiesce.


“Well, alright, I’d consider it. What do you think little brother?”
Roman, asked, turning to his sibling.


Stifling a yawn, Bo said, “I think it’s a good idea. I’m really beat,
Roman.”


“To be perfectly honest, so am I, Bo…” Roman finally admitted. It had
been a long couple of weeks.


“Well, then why don’t you spend the night in the room next to mine? That
way, if anything does come up, you’ll be right there to hear about it,”
Abe said, putting a guiding hand over his friend’s shoulders.


“Sounds good to me partner. I’m anxious for some kind of news. “


“By the way, have you talked to Mom and Pop lately?” Bo thought to ask
as they were leaving the Miami Beach precinct building.


Roman shook his head. “No, but they’re really worried and wondering
what’s going to happen to the kids. They’re having trouble making
excuses about where John and Marlena are right now and why they haven’t
called or come home yet.”


“Man, those kids sure have gotten a rough deal,” Bo muttered under his
breath, as Abe drove the rental car out of the parking structure. He
offered up a silent prayer for the safety of his closest friends and
some news of their whereabouts.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Finally, Stefano was going to let her see him. Marlena swallowed hard
and tried to prepare herself for what she was about to witness.
Scattered memories from Maison Blanche appeared again in her mind’s eye.
Images of John lying in filth, the foul stench of moist stagnant air,
angry red marks left on his body by shackles, chains, and whips, and of
multicolored bruises so deep she thought they must have gone all the way
to the bone. As difficult as she knew it would be, Marlena also knew
that she *had* to see him.


She waited while her jailer fiddled with the computerized locking
mechanism on his new state of the art torture chamber. The door slid
open and her eyes landed on a figure she could barely believe was that
of the man she loved. He was lying on his left side, facing away from
the door, his half naked, emaciated body tucked in a nearly fetal curl
on a broken down cot with no mattress. By contrast, the room itself was
so clean it might be considered sterile; designed to ward off infection
she guessed.


There was no startle response to the noise they made by entering the
room, no movement, and no speech. Severely injured, John laid perfectly
still, a very bad sign. She had to look closely to detect whether he was
even breathing.


Whirling to face their captor, her entire being filled with disgust, she
bellowed at him, “You demented BASTARD!”


Stefano didn’t quite laugh, but his dark penetrating eyes indicated a
perverse satisfaction at having evoked precisely the desired reaction.
“I assure you, it is quite necessary Marlena… to break him down before
I can bring back the mercenary. Then, when the transformation is
sufficiently under way, I shall build him back up again. I have an
expert staff prepared to restore him to excellent health. Doctors,
nurses, nutritionists, physical therapists, fitness experts and the
like. No expense will be spared.”


She hissed out a reply, “You’re despicable!” and went straight to her
lover’s side.


“John, honey… wake up for me,” Marlena said softly as she knelt down
next to him. Nothing but labored breathing. She shook him lightly,
imploring him to respond to her presence, her worried voice, anything.
Gently slapping at his cheeks, she kept trying when he didn’t.


“Come on, open your eyes and look at me, baby. Please John!” she
pleaded, fighting back a deluge of tears she had not yet shed, for fear
it would never abate.


As she was about to give up, Marlena noticed his eyelids flicker. They
fluttered a few times and came open, not all the way, but it was a
start. She cupped his unshaven cheeks between her hands. “Yes, that’s
it, baby, look at me, John.”


She saw nothing but confusion in his cloudy blue eyes. Confusion and
pain.


He squinted and looked closely, struggling to comprehend what was
happening. There had been only his tormentors for company and now there
was a beautiful woman practically begging him to awaken. Who was she and
why did she think she knew him?


“John, honey, it’s Marlena….”


All he could manage to do was shake his head to let her know he didn’t
recognize her. She started to cry and he instinctively reached out a
shackled hand to wipe away her tears. The hand was black and
blue–filthy and badly bruised.


Marlena shivered at the sight of it and he shied away, dropping his head
and averting his eyes, ashamed. “I’m sorry.”


It broke her heart to know she caused him still more pain. Carefully
reaching for that same hand, she sought to reassure him that she had not
been frightened or offended by his action, merely startled. “Oh no,
John… honey it’s okay. I love you, John…. don’t ever forget that.”


“I don’t understand. I don’t….know you. Should I… know you?” He was
trembling and suddenly seemed to be on the verge of tears himself, as if
perhaps the strain of survival in the midst of abject misery was all he
could manage, her mere presence taking him beyond the limits of his
ability to cope.


Stefano literally had to drag her out of the dungeon room, her terror
filled screams echoing off the cold stone walls. It was essential that
she only see him for brief periods, just long enough to make his
suffering real to her, with the concomitant effect of heightening her
anxiety level and her willingness to comply.


They both remained silent during the trek back to her third floor suite,
a large plush room with all the modern amenities she couldn’t care less
about. Stefano wanted her to have time to contemplate what she’d seen
and speculate on what else was in store for John and herself. Once they
were safely ensconced in the mansion proper and nearing her lavish digs,
he said, “Do you see Marlena…. it is as I told you. The man in that
cell is no longer the John Black you knew and loved, the man who loved
you more than life itself.”


“Yes, he is…. he’s still there, underneath all the suffering and the
madness you’ve forced upon him, my John is still there. And I won’t let
you steal him away from me. For all your plotting and scheming, somehow,
we’ll find a way to beat you, Stefano!”


All he did was laugh and check the lock on her door before closing it on
his way out. That malevolent sound echoed through the hallways of the
lonely mansion.

Six weeks later:



Jake Lawson, Stefano Dimera’s top security expert, a brute of a man, who stood well over six feet, with broad shoulders and massive upper body strength, including a killer handshake, looked up at the sound of shuffling feet on hardwood flooring. Rising to greet his unexpected visitor, the blond headed man spoke with more than a hint of sarcasm, “Well if it isn’t my old drill sergeant, John Black himself! And here I heard you’d gone soft, married with children and all respectable like…” he said to taunt the man he’d wanted a piece of for longer than he could remember.



The other man, who now matched him from a sheer size factor scoffed at that. “Yea, well, you heard wrong, I just went underground for awhile, that’s all. But I’m back now.”



“Yea…. so how’s come I haven’t heard it from the Old Man himself?”



John smiled proudly, thinking how nice it was to be the man’s favorite. “Because it isn’t public knowledge yet. I wasn’t expecting you to be in here tonight, Jake.”



“I’m in charge of security now,” the other man said forcefully as he started to come out from behind the mahogany desk, puffing out his chest for emphasis.



“Yea, well that’s great, but I’ve got some news for you. I’m ousting ya! You got a problem with it, go take it up with the Big Guy. But for now, get the hell out of my office!” John said, nearly knocking the man off his feet with a lightning fast judo move.



Jake was stunned but not for long and leaped across the edge of the desk, landing on his opponent’s back, one arm encircling his former instructor’s neck. Anticipating what was coming, John went with the man’s momentum and flipped him overhead.



When the two men stood facing each other again, Jake issued a challenge, “I’ve waited SO long for this, you arrogant bastard. It’s payback time, Black. You’re going to suffer for the punishment you inflicted on me all those years ago.”



“Jake, you have NO idea what you’re dealing with here,” John said, getting in the man’s face.



“Yea I do….I’m a LOT stronger now, John…”



John spread his arms out wide, “Alright…. It’s your life… you want to end it this way, it’s fine by me, Jake. But it’s a damn waste of resources if you ask me.”



“Yea, well… we’ll have to see who gets wasted, now won’t we?” the man said, already circling his former mentor in the fine art of hand-to-hand combat.






After eating only a small portion of the meal Stefano’s minions had brought her, Marlena waited in her room for some news of John. She hadn’t seen or heard much in the past two weeks and it was starting to worry her. An hour after the dinner dishes had been collected, she heard a key being inserted into the door lock and Stefano entered.



She quickly rose from the bed where she’d been sitting to face her captor. “Stefano…where is he, what have you done with him?” she asked insistently.



The man smiled wickedly and said, “Oh, I have been remiss. Would you like to see him, Marlena?”



Wary of his eagerness, she spoke cautiously, “You know I would, Stefano…so what’s this all about?”



“I have arranged a little demonstration for you, Marlena. You were so worried about how he was ever going to recover, so I would like to show you just how fit he now is.” He didn’t say anything else, simply pulling a small remote control device from his jacket pocket and pushing a couple of buttons. A large screen dropped down in front of her, and it took her only a moment or two to determine what she was seeing when images began to appear.



It was all Marlena could do to tear her eyes away from the video screen to address the man responsible for the fight that was about to take place. “No. Oh no, Stefano.. please…don’t do this… don’t make him do this, I’m begging you.”



The man spoke with no emotion whatsoever, “I’m sorry Marlena, but it is necessary. You see, this is a test. I must know if my work with him has been successful.”



She scoffed. ‘His work…more like abuse and brainwashing,’ she was thinking, but Marlena didn’t bother to argue the point. “How will you know?” she asked, staring at the monitor again, dreading his answer, because in her heart, she already knew it. They were tearing the place apart as she spoke, books flying off of overturned shelves, tables crashing down, and glass shattering.



“If John has been fully transformed into my mercenary, he will kill his opponent swiftly, easily, and without remorse. That is how I will know.”



Marlena shuddered as she watched the two men engage in hand to hand combat, recognizing more with each passing second, that John had indeed been transformed into the mercenary Stefano described. He was cold, ruthless, and capable of great violence, not at all like the tender loving man she had been with in a Miami Beach hotel several weeks hence.



“Oh, John… he’s won, hasn’t he? He’s finally turned you back into the man you were before we met.” Observing as he landed blow after blow, she shook her head and started to cry for all that was lost. For the man she loved, for his children, and finally for herself. She spoke to him as if he could hear her, “John… you have to resist Stefano… you have to find a way to come back to me, or all that we’ve ever stood for will be forever lost.”



Her cries were to no avail and the fight was over in less than fifteen minutes. The blond haired man lay eerily still on the hard wood floor, blood seeping out of his mouth and pooling around his neck and right ear. John stood over him, his fists raised high in the air, his bruised and battered face bearing an arrogantly triumphant expression. Marlena could scarcely believe what she’d witnessed. She had just watched the man she loved brutally murder another man, someone he had apparently once considered a compatriot.



Stefano too spoke out loud of his reaction to the outcome of the fight. “Ah, John… you truly are my greatest creation.”



Marlena couldn’t take it and she screamed at her tormentor. “You demented BASTARD!” she yelled, managing to get close enough to slap him across the face at the same time.



Even though the slap stung him, Stefano smiled a Cheshire cat kind of smile. He did not retaliate and said nothing to her, satisfied that what the woman had just witnessed had served his purposes. He left her alone to contemplate her future, without the man she loved.



“Oh, John…” she cried as she flopped herself down on the oversized bed in her room. Marlena felt more alone than she ever had before in all her times as Stefano’s prisoner. Without John, she was truly lost. “Dear God, please…help us to find our way back to each other.” She cried herself to fitful sleep that night, wondering and then dreaming of what was to become of them.






John walked about the office in which he had fought with the former head of security for the Dimera organization, waiting for his boss to come and inform him of the next step.



He didn’t have to wait long. Stefano wasted no time in coming to congratulate his best soldier. “John, I am impressed. You have come a long way very quickly. I think you’ll soon be ready to go on a mission,” he said, before making a brief call on the intercom system for some men to come up and dispose of the body and the mess that went with it.

 

Stefano guided the mercenary into an adjoining room, away from the scene. Gesturing for him to sit down on the brown leather couch across the way, he inquired about his mercenary’s condition after the fight, “John, tell me… how are you feeling?”



“I’m feeling great, boss… but there is this one thing,” he said, his face bearing a puzzled expression.



“Oh, and what is that, are you still in pain from the fight, or the training ?” Stefano asked, looking the man over with a discerning eye.



John shook his head. “No, no, that’s… nothing, really, I’m fine,” he said, wiping some blood from the corner of his mouth with the knuckle of his bent right forefinger. No, this is about…a face. I keep.. seeing this…face in my dreams and I don’t understand it.”



“Can you describe it? Is it a man or a woman, John?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t what he thought, a part of him cognizant that there was one face no real man would ever forget.



“A woman… a beautiful woman… with golden hair, perfect skin, hazel eyes. Who is she, Stefano? Do I..know her?”



The man shrugged and minimized the importance of it. “Hmm… well, you have been known to be, how shall I say… a ladies man. Perhaps she was a…memorable conquest.”



He squinted, started to agree, and then thought better of it, “Yea, maybe… but…somehow, I don’t know… it seems like… more than that. Like maybe she.. meant something to me.” It made his head hurt like hell to think of her, but even so, it was hard to stop. She was a vision of loveliness.



Stefano dismissed the issue and urged his charge to pay attention to what he considered most important. “I’m not certain, John… but don’t let it bother you. You need to stay focused. Can you do that?”



“Yes, Sir… I can do that. So, what is this mission you have for me, Boss?” John said, shaking off the lingering images of the daydream, intriguing as they were.



“Ah, it is of utmost importance, John… you are to take out three of my greatest enemies. They have been a collective thorn in my side for as long as I can remember.”



John smiled on the thought of pleasing his commander. “Just send me out there and I’ll take care of it for you.”



Stefano plopped a file folder down on the coffee table in front of his mercenary, who picked it up and leafed through the contents. In addition to the bios, there were three 8×10 glossy photographs, pictures of the three men Stefano has just mentioned. Each one had writing on the back—RB, BB, AC.



Stefano watched John very closely for any signs of recognition and breathed a sigh of relief when there were none. He smiled and said, “John, I want you to remove these thorns and I want you to do it as soon as possible.”



“Yes, Sir, I’ll just go pack a bag and I’ll be on my way. Any certain way you want it done?”



“No, I’ll leave that up to you, John.”



“Will do then, boss. I’ll be back here at the compound before you even know I’m gone.”



“I’m counting on it, John,” Stefano said with an eager grin, clapping his best soldier on the back. “I’ll leave you to your preparations and when you’re ready I’ll brief you on their history and last known whereabouts.”



Already thinking of what he would need to take with him, John rose from the couch and said, “Sounds great, Stefano, I’ll be in my room and then down in the armory and shooting range. Just give me a buzz and I’ll meet you in your study.”



Stefano was indeed pleased with the results of his work. His mercenary was back and completely under his control. “Very good, John… I’ll see you shortly.”








Later that night, Marlena awakened with a jolt to the sound of automatic weapon fire and it made her jump, nearly causing her to fall out of bed. She looked toward the source of the noise and on the video screen she saw John doing some rather realistic target shooting. He was alternating between the head and the heart on each life size silhouette that appeared in front of him.



His aim was nearly perfect with every shot he fired. He hit the intended moving target thirteen times out of thirteen shots with the 9mm he was using. After about the third magazine, Stefano looked straight into the camera and smiled before addressing his charge. He stepped in behind the mercenary and offered praise, “Well, John… I must say, you are amazing, your skills have only improved with age.”



Marlena knew the smile was also directed at her.



“Thank you Sir, I’ve always prided myself on my marksmanship,” John said, preparing the sniper rifle for a round of target practice.



“You should have no problem accomplishing your objective. Are you ready to go?”



“Yes, Sir, as soon as I go a couple rounds with the long range rifle. Otherwise, I’m all packed and set to go as soon as you point me in the right direction.”



“Very good… after you finish your target practice, join me in the study and I’ll brief you.”



“I’ll be there in a few minutes, Stefano,” John said, checking to see that he’d loaded the gun correctly and preparing to remove the trigger guard.



“I’ll be waiting.”






Again Stefano Dimera joined his female captive for few moments, wanting to drive home his point.



“Stefano….tell me what this mission is… where are you sending him?” she asked, barely able to wait until he’d stepped all the way into the room where she was being held.



“All in good time, Marlena… all in good time,” he said with that wicked self-satisfied grin of his. “Turn on the monitor and you’ll soon find out.”



When he left, she did as he said, knowing that what she was about to learn was going to be painful. She watched intently as John used the rifle to perfection. He truly was an expert marksman and he really seemed to enjoy the shooting itself and perhaps the feeling of power that went along with it.



Within minutes, the screen went blank and then in a few short moments later it was blue again. She saw John and Stefano sitting on a couch looking at some files. She stared at the screen and suddenly the camera settled on some pictures that made her cringe. There were three 8×10’s–photographs of Roman, Abe, and Bo. Horrified by the implications, she cried out, “No, oh my God, no…. no, Stefano… you can’t…do this!”



All she knew to do was to get down on her knees and pray that God would find a way to stop the man she loved from killing his three best friends. The mere idea that he was capable of shooting them was incomprehensible. But to think of the pain it would cause to so many people or how John would feel upon realizing what he’d been forced to do, simply broke her heart. “Oh, dear God, please….don’t let this happen,” she cried. “Please Lord, help me find a way to reach him, let him remember me somehow.”





Three days later:

Biscayne National Park



Roman stood over the partially decomposed body that had just been fished out of the jetty and winced in tandem with his younger brother and his partner. “Woah, Abe, whoever did this.. well, let’s just say I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of what he was dishing out.”



Abe was nodding his head and just about to reply, when one of the local detectives came up to speak with him. “Commander Carver, we have some information for you. Seems the victim worked for Stefano Dimera. Word has it he was head of security.”



They stood there in silence for several long moments, processing the meaning of what they’d just heard. Finally, Bo shared what was on his mind, wondering if he was off base. “Oh, man, you’re not thinking what I’m thinking….” Bo said, looking over at the other two.



All three men suddenly knew exactly what was going on. John was going to be taking over that position and it was likely that he was the one responsible for the death of the man lying on the ground in front of them.



“Yes… Stefano has already turned John back into the mercenary and this was his first kill,” Abe said, following his words with a sad sigh.



“Oh, man, no…” said Bo, wishing it all away.



“Oh yes…” said Roman, concerned for the man, but more concerned about what was happening to Marlena, now that John was not in a position to protect her.



“So, how are we going to help them now?” Bo asked, worried for both of his friends.



The other two were shaking their heads and then something occurred to Abe as they watched the body bag being zipped up and placed on a gurney for transport to the Dade County morgue. “Roman, Bo…it was no accident that we found this guy here or that the information about his position in the Dimera organization came to us so easily. Stefano doesn’t make this kind of mistake.”



“What are you saying, Abe?” asked Roman.



“I’m saying, Dimera did this on purpose. He’s sending us a message. He wants us to know that the mercenary is back in full force and therefore….that the John Black we all know doesn’t exist anymore.”



“Yes, he does, Abe…he’s in there,” Bo argued. “Just like Hope was when we all thought she was Gina…We just have to find a way to reach him.”



“Once we find him, that is….”



Roman was more focused on his ex-wife, “What about, Marlena…. What do you think Stefano’s done with her?”



“I don’t know buddy, I just hope she’s safe. I know John wouldn’t hurt her…even if that bastard has turned him back into his mercenary.”



“Yes, but will he help her if Dimera tries to hurt her?” Roman shut his eyes and tried to clear his mind. There were images he couldn’t allow himself to envision.



None of them had an answer for that one and prayed they wouldn’t have to find out. “You know,” said Bo, “I’ve been thinking about what you just said, Abe… and I can’t help but wonder if maybe… we won’t have to look for John at all.”



“What do you mean?”



“Well, what if he comes to us?”



Abe was chewing on that one. “You know…you’ve got a point there, Bo…. After all, what would be the ultimate triumph for Stefano?”



“To take out his greatest enemies by using his so-called greatest creation to do it,” Roman said, swiftly coming to the same conclusion.



Come on, do you believe that John would actually…try to kill us?” Bo asked, rethinking the situation.



Abe Carver was shaking his head and then he answered, “No, John wouldn’t, but you can bet Stefano’s mercenary would.”



Bo sighed. “Yea, I guess you’re right. That’s exactly the kind of thing Dimera would get off on,” he said, some part of him admiring the man’s boldness and ability to think creatively.



“Yes, and if things went sour on him, he could always turn John back and let him suffer knowing he’d killed his three best friends. Damn Stefano anyway!” Abe said, disgusted with the man’s ability to get away with so many horrific crimes.



“Pure evil, that’s what he is… I think you’re right Bo,” his brother said. “I think it’s exactly what Stefano would do. If and when John gets caught, he goes down for the crime, it gets written off as the act of a man who was always on the verge of coming unhinged, and Stefano is nowhere to be found.”



“Okay, so assuming this is the way it’s supposed to go, how in the hell are we going to stop John and make him realize what’s been done to him, so we can help to bring him back to who he really is?” Bo asked his older brother and close friend. The other two only shook their heads.



“So, I guess that means we play this one as it comes,” Bo finally said.



Patting Bo lightly on the back as they made their way away from the water to the police vehicle in which they’d arrived, Roman finally said, “Yea, little brother, that’s exactly what it means.”








The plane was fueled up and ready for take off and Stefano came to see his soldier off. He stepped into the cabin and noticed that John was slightly agitated. “John, what is it? Is something bothering you about this mission?”



“No, not really. I think I’m just anxious to get it under way, you know….the adrenaline’s already starting to flow and now it’s hurry up and wait,” he said with a half-hearted smile.



“Are you sure, John… do you think you’re ready…I mean…are you…sufficiently healed from your encounter with Lawson? I noticed he did get in a few good shots at your kidneys and they were already a bit tender.”



His soldier was immediately on the defensive. “Stefano…I may have a few bumps and bruises here and there, but I’ve been cleared for this mission by the doctor and I am more than ready. Are you having doubts about my abilities?”



“No, not at all…. simmer down, John… I just want to make sure that you’re in peak condition for this; that is all. I meant no offense. “



John let out a breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding. “Alright, if that’s all it is. I swear to you, I’m fine, Stefano…and I’m definitely up to the task of taking out your enemies.”



“Very good, then I will bid you farewell and wish you the best of luck on your mission. I shall see you upon your return.” He extended his right hand and John shook it heartily.



“Right…I’ll do you proud, Stefano. I swear it!” he said with growing excitement. Going off on a mission was always such a rush.



“I believe you will, John…” Stefano said as he disembarked.



The mercenary watched the man leave and then sat down to contemplate exactly how he was going to take out Stefano’s enemies. “Well, boss… any enemy of yours is an enemy of mine. I’ll take care of everything just like you want me to,” he said, while taking another good look at the three men he’d been asked to eliminate.






‘Alphabet Soup, that’s what it is, ‘ Bo was thinking as he cast his gaze around the crowded Miami hotel room. ‘How in the hell is John ever going to get a fair shake?’ he was asking himself as he and his brother and their friend waited for the man in charge to address the group. The list of charges against the man was several pages long.



Roman, Abe and Bo were sitting in a room full of representatives of every major law enforcement entity in the free world. Or at least that was the way it seemed. “Alright then, are we in agreement? Anyone who sees John Black is to immediately report the sighting to Special Agent Mike Matthews with the Miami Bureau, at which point he will notify others on a need to know basis. The suspect will then be pursued and hopefully apprehended with a minimum show of force.”



Heads were nodding all around. “Let me remind you all then, especially those of you who haven’t had the privilege of working with John Black in a professional capacity as many of us have. The intent of this gathering of law enforcement personnel is not to shoot to kill. We plan to take him alive so that he has the opportunity to face justice, whatever that might entail.”



“In light of that, can I address the group?” Abe asked the CIA’s man in charge.



“Of course, Commander Carver.”



He stood up to address the large group, praying that what he was about to say would carry some weight with them at crunch time when weapons were involved. “I’m Abe Carver, Commander of the Salem Police Department and I just want to tell you a little bit about this man. I have served as his boss and I’ve served under him and I’m here to say that he is the best of the best, a man of honor and integrity. He doesn’t deserve to be a fugitive from the law. I know him as well as I know myself and I’m telling you… he is not responsible for any of these crimes. If he did, by some strange twist of fate, pull the trigger any one of those times, it was because of the sick mind control games of Stefano Dimera, who kidnapped, tortured, and brainwashed John into becoming a mercenary and assassin. John was used and abused in the worst way and he’s been through hell because of it. When John found out he wasn’t Roman Brady, he fought hard to build a new life for himself. Dimera resented him for it, so
he opened up his files and set John up to take a fall from grace. We have reason to believe that Stefano has tortured and brainwash him again and we know for a fact that Dimera has been holding John and his fiancé Marlena Evans captive for the past eight weeks. Stefano is the one we really should be going after with a vengeance right now.”



Heads were nodding. At first, the only reply was silence, but as seconds turned to minutes, there was a murmuring and one of the ISA agents stood up and made a statement. “I’m Shane Donovan, Assistant Director of the ISA and Commander Carver is absolutely correct. We all need to be on the lookout for any signs of Dimera, whom we believe is still holding Marlena Evans captive. But getting back to John Black. He has always been a man who lived by the highest of standards and I’m willing to place a wager on the fact that he’s not responsible for the crimes of which he’s been accused. Stefano Dimera, on the other hand, who hates John Black for thwarting his plans to take Marlena Evans for himself, has every reason to try to make it appear otherwise. So, please everyone…let us endeavor to bring John in safely so he that he has an opportunity to defend his good name.”



There was much discussion after that about all the parties involved and then the group broke up, hoping that the informants on the street and others in a position to know, would soon come up with something indicating the man was about to surface.



If they only knew the stealthy approaches of which the mercenary was capable. He was literally flying in under the radar as they spoke. “Hello Miami,” John said out loud as the twin engine Cessna dropped its landing gear in preparation to hit the runway. “Are you ready?” he added, smiling on the thought of facing some real action. He picked up the three pictures again. ‘So much more fun than target practice,’ he was thinking as the plane rolled to a slow stop.


It was going to be another scorcher, but for now it was only a little on the steamy side. ‘Just right for a little live action target practice,’ he thought to himself as he surveyed the situation.
  
After taking a sip of his almost too cold coffee, the would-be assassin took aim, patiently waiting until at least two of the intended targets graced the crosshairs of his long-range sniper rifle. He didn’t have to wait too long.
  
Soon, there was shouting in the streets. “Shots fired!”
  
“Damn, that was close!” Bo said, ducking around the corner of a building, hearing a distinct whizzing sound dangerously close to his head.



“No kidding, where in the hell did it come from?” Roman said, laboring to catch his breath as he scanned the area, including the windows and the rooftops far above them.
  
Abe answered in a matter of fact tone, “A long way from us, if my guess is correct.”
  
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Abe?” Bo said, still wary.
  
“Yea.”
  
“How in the hell did he know where we were going to be?” Bo said, again looking around for the source of the shooting.
  
Just now catching his breath, Roman asked, “How do Dimera and his people ever know anything, Bo?”
  
“Somebody was paid off. Yea, I suppose you’re right… so, what are we going to do here?” Bo asked.
  
“We’re going to find him and bring him in,” Abe said with more confidence than he felt.
  
“How?” Bo asked, thinking it was going to be even harder than they had originally anticipated.
  
“Well, I want to draw him out… bait him…”
  
“Sounds terrific, Abe… but uh… who gets to play the bait?” Roman said, recalling a rooftop conversation from several years ago, when his two sisters were being held hostage. John Black was reputedly the best sharpshooter on the Salem police force. Odds were more than good he’d been practicing lately.
  
“Rock, paper, scissors?” Bo said with an odd smile, thinking back on a time when he and John had relied upon that same kid’s game in a similar situation.
  
Glad for the tension breaker, the others chuckled lightly. Then after a beat Abe voiced what Roman had been thinking, “It’s a risk for sure, but Roman, we have to find a way to reach him… find something to break through the mercenary’s defenses and touch John’s heart.”
  
“How are we going to do that?” Bo asked.
  
“I’m not sure. The only thing I can think of is to show him pictures of Marlena…” Abe said, his voice trailing off slightly.
  
Suddenly it came to him what they should do and Bo voiced it, “Yea… we could put it on the news… pictures of both of them… have them do a feature on the double kidnapping… tell the whole story of what John is supposed to have done… Dimera’s part in it… what we think is happening now.”
  
“Bo, I think you’ve really got something there… maybe it’ll put some doubt in his mind, enough to make him start asking questions anyway,” Abe said, feeling more hopeful than he had since the whole ordeal began.
  
Roman was nodding his agreement. “Yea… yea, I think it might work.”
  
“But how do we make sure he sees it?”
  
“Good question.”
  
There was a period of silence when Roman came up with an idea he thought would do the trick. “We make him believe that he got one of us! We plaster it all over the media–television, Internet, the papers, everything. Chances are he’ll check out the television news coverage because he’ll want to celebrate his success. “
  
“Brilliant big brother, absolutely brilliant!” Bo exclaimed, clapping the man on the back. “Now, who gets to play dead?” he asked, looking back and forth between the other two.
  
Abe thought about it for a moment and realized there was only one logical choice for the role of the dead man. “Roman, it has to be you.”
  
“I know.”
  
“Why,” Bo asked, thinking he knew but wanting to hear Abe explain it.
  
“Because we have a better chance of getting John to respond. He feels closer to the two of us than he does to Roman.”
  
Roman was already moving on to the next phase, thinking out loud. “Okay, so let’s lay this thing out. Exactly how are we going to make this happen?”
  
They huddled together and came up with a sure plan, one that entailed a great deal of risk to the man who dared to bait a highly skilled assassin.
  
With that, they went off to present their idea to the other branches of law enforcement, including and especially the FBI’s Special Agent in Charge. It wasn’t long before the plan was fleshed out and ready to be put into action. After all the particulars had been decided upon, they gave it just enough time and disseminated just enough information to make sure that if there was in fact a mole, the location would be leaked.
  
Three hours later:
  
Moments before they put their plan to the test on the streets of Miami, Bo approached his brother and gave him one last chance to back out. Placing his hands on the man’s shoulders, Bo asked, “Roman, are you absolutely sure about this?”
  
“Yes, little brother, I’m sure… it’s the only way to draw him out… it’s a risk I’m willing to take to save him.. and hopefully, Marlena as well.”
  
“Alright then, Roman… let’s go… you have to make this look good,” Abe urged.
  
Roman was nodding his head. He took one last deep breath, let it out slowly and then as they all stepped out into the open, he launched into the “argument” gesturing wildly with his arms as if he were angry about something Abe Carver was telling him. He made it obvious that the tension of searching for an assassin and being under fire was getting to him and stepped around the edge of the building, into wide open territory.
  
Only a handful of seconds later, shots rang out again and Roman dropped to the ground, landing in a graceless heap, blood pooling on the ground around his midsection. John watched the scene unfold. There was a lot of yelling and screaming as two figures huddled over the fallen man. There were orders being shouted, and shortly thereafter the shrill sound of sirens filled the air.
  
“Gotcha!” The gunman smiled triumphantly and turned to leave the area as quickly and quietly as possible, his escape route having been carefully orchestrated long before the moment of truth. “One down, two to go,” he said with a grin, already beginning to strategize about how he was going to take out the other two.
  
    

  
Marlena was watching the news again, something she could not have avoided if she wanted to do so. Stefano had monitors in every room of his estate, and he made sure she caught at least one national news show every day of her captivity. Somehow, she sensed this day was different and she felt a rush of nervous adrenaline course through her abdomen when he smiled at her and then turned toward the television screen.
  
“I don’t want to watch anything today, Stefano. Please leave it off.”
  
“Oh, you won’t want to miss this, I assure you,” he said, snickering in anticipation of the suffering the woman was about to endure when she saw what was on the news broadcast.
  
“Oh, no… Stefano, please… don’t tell me that…” she began to protest what she knew to be true in her heart. When the screen lit up, she was presented with an image she couldn’t bear to accept. “Oh my God, no…. oh, Roman… NO!” she cried, staring at the screen in horror. “No, it can’t be true!” Roman was lying on the ground, reportedly gunned down by an as yet unidentified lone sniper while walking on a Miami Beach boulevard. The reporter said that his wound was very serious, possibly fatal. Bo and Abe were also in view, alternately standing still or pacing, watching anxiously as the paramedics did everything possible to save the wounded man.
  
After recovering the power of speech again, Marlena turned toward her captor and screamed at him, “You BASTARD!! How could you DO this! How could you force him to kill three of the people he loves most in the world?”
  
“To prove how effective my brainwashing techniques really are. Actually, I find the whole affair rather amusing. When John finally learns what he has done, he’ll never even think of trying to go back to his life in Salem. He’ll realize once and for all that he has no choice and he’ll come to accept the fact that he belongs with me, under my control.”
  
All she could do was stare at the television and shake her head. “Oh, John… how could you do it? How could you shoot him?” Agonizing as it was, Marlena couldn’t keep her eyes off the screen in front of her. “Roman… oh, Roman…. Please don’t die.”
  
She spoke to Stefano softly, but with as much venom as she could muster under the circumstances. “Oh, how I HATE you, I hate you for what you’ve done to us.” Failing to garner a reaction from her captor, she collapsed on the bed in tears over a man she loved as a husband and father to her children. “Oh, Roman…. I’m so sorry….he doesn’t know… John doesn’t know what he’s doing.”
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
Less than an hour later:
South Miami Beach Hotel
  
As his friends had guessed, hoped and prayed, John had the television on and was watching the local and national news coverage of the events in Miami Beach.
  
Kicked back on the couch in his suite, he was eating a bologna sandwich and guzzling a cold beer as he listened to the reporters talking about the events of the day. “Roman Brady, a detective from Salem Illinois was shot down earlier today by a mystery gunman. At this time, the police are stating publicly that they have very few leads on the identity of the shooter. Though authorities won’t confirm or deny it, one strong possibility is a man by the name of John Black, former Salem Police Commander, former ISA agent, and most recently former fiancé to Doctor Marlena Evans, who was killed several weeks ago in a Miami Beach hotel. Black is a suspect in that murder as well. The police have no specific leads on his current whereabouts, stating only that if he is responsible, he has probably not yet left the Miami area. Checkpoints have been established on all major freeways and all modes of public transportation are on high alert for any sign of this man.”
  
A second later, John saw his image on the screen but noted that the man looked different than he did, softer in a way and it made him wonder.
  
When he felt he’d had enough of the coverage, John approached the television to shut it off. He was just about to push the power button when a familiar face appeared on the screen before him in a live shot. He turned the sound up and heard the report already under progress.
  
“I’m here live with Bo Brady, brother of Roman Brady who was killed this afternoon on the street in Miami Beach, and Abraham Carver, the Salem Illinois Police Commander. Gentlemen, why don’t you explain why you’re here this evening? You have quite a story to tell and I think I’ll leave you to it. Please… go ahead,” the reporter said, clearly fascinated by the tale they were about to spin.
  
Bo started right in, “Well, we’re here to try to appeal to an old friend of ours. His name is John Black and you see that’s a problem because he’s the man who is wanted in the deaths of both Roman Brady and Marlena Evans.” Pictures of the slain individuals appeared on the television screen while the officers spoke of what happened.
  
“What kind of appeal do you want to make?”
  
“This is going to sound very strange, but we believe that our friend, John…. he’s been….brainwashed by Stefano Dimera, a man who has committed more crimes and is responsible for more misery than any other criminal walking free.
  
“Brainwashed…. To do what, exactly?” the reporter probed.
  
“To kill Roman, myself, and the man sitting next to me, Abe Carver. It would be just like Stefano to use John to rid himself of his three greatest enemies, effectively eliminating John as well.”
  
“Because once he realizes what he’s done… the John Black we know would likely turn himself in to the authorities,” Abe said.
  
“Right…or, because Stefano is in control, John would feel that he had no place else to go but back to Stefano. Either way, Dimera wins and the good guys lose,” Bo added.
  
John listened to every word the two men said and something about them resonated with him. “Now, there’s more to this story…. Why don’t you show us what you have there,” the reporter asked Bo, who had a box full of items with him.
  
“Well, these are copies of the kind of so-called evidence the authorities are using to file charges against John Black for crimes that were committed all over Europe in the mid to late 80’s. These pictures and articles were collected by a private detective. It appears that John “worked” for Stefano Dimera in those years, we believe under duress.”
  
“During the years before he appeared in Salem and was subsequently mistaken for one Roman Augustus Brady?”
  
“Yes…”
  
“So you have what… pictures, newspaper clippings, etc,” the reporter said, spreading some of the materials out on a table. The camera panned over and gave a close up. “I have to tell you… after reviewing all of this, he sure looks guilty to me. What can you possibly hope to accomplish by putting all of this on television?”
  
“We want to appeal directly to our friend.” Bo turned toward the camera and looked straight ahead. “John, hey big brother…. I know you’re out there watching and… listening, trying to make sense out of all this. You might have some flashes of memory after seeing this… some things that might not fit together for you, but we can help you with that… please contact the number on the screen, John….and we’ll be there, Abe and I…please call us… No matter what’s happened, we still believe in you.”
  
After committing the number to memory, John found himself pacing the length of his hotel room, over and over. Brainwashed? Was that even possible? He couldn’t get those faces out of his mind, and that voice. Bo Brady had called him brother. How could that be? Stefano wanted him to kill his own brother? The man had never said anything about that. And the other man, the one with warm eyes and chocolate skin, there was something familiar about him too. There was nothing but sadness and genuine concern in their eyes, even though John had just gunned down Abe’s friend, who also happened to be Bo’s biological brother.
  
And that Marlena woman… she seemed familiar somehow too. His head started to ache, pounding a little harder with every question he pondered. Unable to make the pieces fit, John lied down on the bed for a moment, closed his eyes tight and tried to place what was so familiar about them. Then it came to him, the face he’d been seeing, the golden haired beauty. It was HER, the woman they called Marlena Evans. She was the one in his dreams, the woman he was supposed to have married. But they said he’d killed her. How could that be?
  
He shook his head to try and clear it. ‘No, no I couldn’t have killed someone I loved… no, I wouldn’t, I couldn’t have done that… could I?’ It was all so confusing. John wanted to talk to Stefano, but he couldn’t let on that he was having any doubts; that would be tantamount to total failure in Stefano’s eyes. He wondered if he should call the number that was scrolling across the screen during the news broadcast.
  
John picked up his cell phone, flipped it open, and started to dial the phone number, then thought better of it. What if it was a trap, two dozen law enforcement personnel ready to trace his call? No, he couldn’t risk it, or could he? But still… he had to know, had to have answers to his questions. There simply had to be a way.
  
‘Think, Black… think…. How can you contact them without giving away your position?’
  
John Black smiled with pride as the solution came to him.