“Okay, okay. I found one. Cozy ranch. Home features 3 bedrooms, perfect for us, with hardwood floors, means no vacuuming. Fully appliances new kitchen, you can have that. Living room with bay window and brick fireplace, ceramic tiled bath and mud room. What do you think?” Marlena asked leaning her head back on John’s chest as she showed him the picture of the small home. John chuckled.
“Doc, seriously interpret this, ok? Cozy is small. Ceramic tile is you’re gonna have to clean constantly,” John countered. “Still want it?”
“Oh. I guess not. Actually, maybe. After all, no matter where I live you’re going to have to have a cleaning service,” Marlena smiled and kissed his cheek. “What did you find?”
“I would tell you, but I don’t want to put shame on your little cottage,” John laughed. Marlena hit him playfully, snuggling in closer to him. The cool Colorado winds floated in from the open windows, sending light chills down Marlena’s spine. A couple of weeks after John and Marlena had graduated University of South Florida they had come to stay in Colorado with Marlena’s family. After a long battle with her parent’s, they had finally agreed to let the two move in with each other. After John had proved how much he actually loved Marlena.
“John Black, you are just sooooo funny. In fact, maybe we should book you in one of those comedy clubs,” Marlena said rolling her eyes. “Now, tell me what you found.”
“Okay. New York City apartment, located in Battery Park. Quiet neighborhood, located right near Soho, 1 bedroom, kitchen, living room, which might I add, can be split up into another bedroom if absolutely necessary.”
“New York City?” Marlena asked her eyes wide. “Didn’t we agree no New York?”
“And if I get drafted?” John asked turning to face her. Her large hazel eyes had a glimmer of sadness in them and he saw a small tear fall.
“God I don’t know…..if you get drafted, I have this fear I’ll lose you. That you’ll always be traveling with the team, or you’ll fall in love with one of the cheerleaders…”
“Um, sweetheart? Baseball doesn’t have cheerleaders,” Marlena gave him an embarrassed smile and let out a light laugh.
“Well whatever. I can’t lose you, John. Do you understand just how important you are to me? How I live my life for you and want nothing more than to spend the rest of it, with you.” Marlena stroked her hand along John’s cheek, feeling his own moist tears linger on his cheeks.
“Listen to me, okay?” He lifted her chin with his index finger, looking into the glory that shone through her eyes. “If you don’t want me to be on that team, I won’t. You are the most important thing in my life and not even the New York Yankees could break that. Marlena, I make you one solemn promise right now. If you don’t want me on the team, then I won’t do it. Nothing in this world matters next to you and if I had to choose between a gorgeous, intellectual, sweet, good humored blonde or a bunch of sweaty, hardheaded men who on their spare time, chew tobacco for *fun*, who do you think I’d pick?”
“The sweaty, hardheaded men who on their spare time, chew tobacco for *fun*,” Marlena joked.
“There’s that humor!” She smiled leaning her head on his chest. He inhaled her shampoo, the scent of rosemary and mint invading his nose.
“I’d never ask you to give up your dream, John. But I am also going to keep a watch over you if you make it to the big leagues.”
“I think I can handle that.” He kissed her lips, pushing it further so his tongue found it’s way in her mouth exploring all of its options. The taste of her strawberry lip gloss lingered on his lips which made him hunger for her more.
“John,” Marlena breathed heavily as he planted kisses all over her neck. “Mom and dad won’t be home until tomorrow night….and I want you so badly.” No words were entangled, he just nodded his head as he continued to kiss down her body line. He slowly lifted his head so he could unzip her dress. The shoulders of her pale yellow tank dress slipped off revealing a tight satin strapless bra. John undid it’s hooks watching it fall to the floor. He kissed her slowly, moving downward. Before he could get any further, she ripped open his Ralph Lauren work shirt. She ran her fingers along his chest, his fingers becoming caught up his hair. They were so lost in each other they didn’t hear the front door open.
“Marlena, I haven’t seen you that naked since we took baths together.”
“OhmyGod,” Marlena screamed, taking the blanket off the back of couch to hide her and John. “Sam what the hell are you doing home?” Samantha Evans stifled a laugh and threw her bag onto the floor.
“What the hell are you doing have sex on mom and dad’s couch? Ew, remind me to *never* sit there again. Hi, I’m Samantha Evans,” Sam said extending her hand out to John. “And you are the guy my sister is doing, I presume?”
“Sam,” Marlena hissed giving her the evil eye. John just laughed and shook her hand. “I’m John Black…nice to meet you.”
“Same here.”
“So why are you home sister dearest?” Marlena asked slipping her dress back on from underneath the blanket.
“Well I did a couple of commercials out in LA and I had an audition for some soap opera, but I am waiting for them to call me back so I decided I’d come home for a few days, and boy did I get a lovely homecoming,” Sam joked. Before Marlena could continue the phone rang.
“Hello?” Marlena asked picking up the portable phone that lay on the soft wood coffee table in front of them. “Um yeah he is hold on a second.” She held out the phone in front of John a weird expression crossing her face.
“It’s for you.” He took the phone from her hand and got off the couch moving toward the open window.
“Hello? Yes….really? Wow….Yeah thanks a lot.” John turned around and faced Marlena. “I have some news…”
This chapter is missing
“Flight 1237, American Airlines: Nonstop to JFK, New York, is now boarding at Gate 37,” the loudspeaker announced.
Marlena looked up at John and shook her head as new tears formed in her eyes. He smiled and wiped them away.
“Sweetheart, I don’t think I would be able to say goodbye to you again,” John said barely above a whisper.
“I *know* I wouldn’t be able to,” she laughed softly.
It was a few days after the fight. John had called and excepted while a lawyer took care of the contract. He had taken that apartment near Battery Park and together, John and Marlena signed for the house in Colorado. They spent every moment, awake and asleep, together, savoring what they had while they were together.
They held each other tightly in the airport as people passed by them going towards the gate, smiling at the young couple. The announcer was again heard and it finally broke the haze that had surrounded John and Marlena.
“This is the final boarding call for Flight Number 1237, American Airlines: Nonstop to JFK in New York. Gate number 37.”
“That’s you,” Marlena said softly.
“Yah, it is. I’ll call you and you’re flying over for my first game, right?” John asked.
“You bet,” she whispered hoarsely. She closed her eyes and kissed him passionately one more time before he broke away. He pressed his lips against her forehead.
“I love you so much. See you soon,” he smiled. Marlena watched as he stepped towards the podium and the stewardess took his ticket. Before stepping into the tunnel, he turned around and offered a weak smile. She raised her arm and waved softly.
The gate was closed and that was that. Marlena moved to the leather seats watching the plane from the window. Large tears fell from her eyes, her heart being torn in a million different directions. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and turned around to see her sister standing behind her.
“What are you doing here?” Marlena managed to choke in between sobs. “Mom and I drove here. We knew you wouldn’t be in any condition to drive home so mom drove me here, so I can drive you home. Sweetie are you okay?” Sam moved from behind Marlena and sat down next to her.
“Sam, I miss him so much and he hasn’t even left the airport yet. I can’t do this, I can’t, I need him….” Sam wrapped her arms around her sister, feeling the tight grip, Marlena was holding on her. Her heart broke for her sister’s pain because when Marlena was in it, a part of Sam was also.
“Come on sweetie, I’ll take you home.”
John sat on the plane, looking out the window as the mountains slowly started to fade into the distance. The only constant was the clouds surrounding him, the white, puffy clouds, looking so pure. He glanced towards the phone on the back of the center seat and smiled retrieving it from it’s receiver. He dialed the familiar number and felt the tears start to fall.
“Doc….I’m not even out of Colorado yet and already my heart is aching for you. I can’t wait to see you…hey it’s only a few months, and I promise we’ll talk on the phone every day and write letters and even use the internet to send e mails. And I promise you the first night you get to New York will be a night neither one of us ever forgets. I love you, sweetheart and just remember whenever you miss me, hold me close to your heart, because God knows you’re in mine. I’ll call you when I get to New York. I love you, I love you, I love you..” John blew a kiss into the phone, his heart aching knowing he wouldn’t see the love of his life for another 3 months.
When I need you
Just close my eyes and I’m with you
And all that I so want to give you
Its only a heart beat away
Marlena looked out the car window as they scenic Colorado countryside whipped by them. Rain had begun to pour down from the sky which accented her mood. She watched the rain rivets slide down the glass like small streams when her tears started falling from her honeyed eyes.
When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day
John was in a similar state on the plane as it sailed like a bird over the country. He took his wallet from his back pocket and opened it to find his favorite picture of them wrapped in each others arms on a beach in Florida. His friends had been fooling around with his camera and took the best picture ever taken. His finger traced the outline of her smiling face and a tear fell from his clouded, darkened eyes. His gaze wondered from the picture to outside the small, oval window when the rain started to fall. John leaned his head against the back of the seat and wondered who was keeping Marlena warm as the rain still fell.
Miles and miles of empty space in between us
A telephone can’t take the place of your smile
But you know I won’t be traveling forever
Its cold out, but hold out and do like I do
Sam pulled into the house that her sister and boyfriend had bought mere days before. She unlocked the car doors but Marlena still rested her head on the cold window and stared aimlessly outside. “You ready to get wet?” Sam asked./ Marlena shrugged and picked her bag up off the floor. She looked around for her key chain and handed it to her sister. “I’ll be inside in a few minutes,” Marlena smiled weakly. Sam nodded and understood her twin wanting a little time alone. If she wanted to talk then she would, but she wouldn’t rush her. Sam climbed out the door and ran to the front porch where she was sheltered from the water as she tried the key to get in. Marlena sat in the car and looked around the yard. All the plans that she and John had for the house and yard. In the backyard there was a large oak tree which John was convinced was meant for a swing and two maples together which were the perfect distance apart for a hammock. She smiled a little as she thought of how happy he was after they had signed that dotted line. While again, her thoughts drifted back to him . . .
When I need you
Just close my eyes and I’m with you
And all that I so want to give you babe
It’s only a heartbeat away
“Pretty lady,” the man that sat next to John said. John looked up and saw the old man admiring his wallet picture of he and Marlena. He smiled.
“Thank you.”
“Wife?” he implied.
“Um, no. I wish. Girlfriend,” John answered.
“She in New York?” the man asked.
“No, she’s back in Colorado,” John said sadly.
“Then what are you? Crazy? Why are you going to New York?”
“I was drafted for the New York Yankees,” John beamed.
“Well . . . . . that’s a good reason. Hope it all works out for you,” the stranger said and turned back to reading his magazine. John looked down at the photo again.
“So do I.”
It’s not easy when the road is your driver
Honey, that’s a heavy load that we bear
But you know I wont be traveling a lifetime
It’s cold out but hold out and do like I do
Oh I need you
Marlena ran inside to see Sam sitting in the kitchen over the stove making two cups of tea. Sam turned around to see her sisters pale, tear stained face. She walked over and enveloped her in her arms.
“It’ll be okay, sis,” Sam promised. Marlena nodded softly. She saw the clock over the stove and wondered what state John was over.
When I need you
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day
The plane landed smoothly at JFK in New York. After claiming his baggage, he hailed a taxi to his new apartment. One of the higher authorities of the team had taken the liberty of putting in some necessity furniture and food. As well as hooking up the power, plumbing and . . . . telephone. The yellow cab pulled in front of a spacious, tower building. John paid the driver and grabbed his suitcases. The doorman opened the door and John took the elevator to the 11 floor and placed his key in the door marked 11C. The doorknob turned easily as John turned it and pushed the door open. The spacious room was empty, Marlena would have a grand time decorating. The first thing he noticed was the large picture window with the perfect view of the Statue Of Liberty. He smiled slightly as he thought of how much Marlena would love that place. As he though of her, that gut wrenching pain her felt at the airport when he entered the tunnel returned, and he wanted nothing more than to hold his soul mate in his arms again.
When I need you
Just close my eyes and I’m with you
And all that I so want to give you
Its only a heart beat away . . . .
“Hey Mar. You okay?” Sam knew she didn’t have to ask that question by looking into Marlena’s eyes. The usual sparkle that was there was replaced by an emptiness Sam had never seen before.
“I guess so. Listen I’m gonna run into the shower, I’m a little cold.” Marlena walked out of the kitchen was Sam at her heels.
“Sure. Do you mind if I stay a little while longer, I don’t really want to drive in this.”
“Of course.” Marlena smiled slightly and her sister and wrapped her arms tightly around her. “Thanks Sam, I really need you right now.”
“I know,” Marlena released from the hug and walked upstairs. Sam heard the shower turn on and she glanced outside into the water world.
“Poor girl,” she muttered, her thoughts being interrupted by the ringing of the phone. She looked around the room for any sign of the ringing device and her eyes finally settled on the mantle above the fireplace.
“Hello?”
“It’s me…I love you Marlena, God I needed to say that. I just got to the apartment and it seems so empty. And this vision comes to my mind….the most perfect vision…you and I laying together on a long leather couch, looking out at the Statue of Liberty while the sun rises…. I don’t know if I can make it out here without you…I can’t wait to just hold you in my arms, to whisper sweet nothing in your hair and to make love to you….”
“Wow John, I only met you a couple of days ago, making love already?” Sam laughed.
“Sam….I’m…I’m sorry,” John stuttered. Her laugh caused a stab through his heart, the same laugh she shared with her sister.
“It’s okay. How are you?”
“The question is how is she?” John asked looking out the window into the starry twilight.
“Um, not great. She’s actually in the shower now. Damn kiddo, you have power over that girl. I have never seen my sister like this before.”
“More like she has power over me…listen I have to get everything settled here. Tell her to call me and I love her, okay?” Sam smiled as she glanced at a picture of the two of them on the mantle. It was taken the day of college graduation. While everyone threw their caps in the air, the only thing that mattered was them. Their lips were placed together and sheer smile was breaking out on both of their faces.
“Sure thing John. Take care.”
“Yeah you too,” John hung up the phone and took a picture out of his suitcase. Her smile broke through the picture and her blonde hair shimmered like the sun. He placed his lips over hers and sighed, feeling the hot tears against his cheek.
“I love you Doc.” He placed the picture up on mantle and watched as the picture became a blur from his tears.
Lyrics from: “When I Need You” As performed by Celine Dion on her CD “Let’s Talk About Love”
This chapter is missing
Marlena’s eyes focused on her surroundings and she smiled, falling back into John’s arms. The tears slid down her cheeks and she gasped to catch her breath. She turned around in his arms, inhaling the scent of the vanilla candles and bouquet of mixed flowers.
“I don’t know how you rented out the roof of the Empire State Building, I don’t know how you afforded all of this, all I know is that I love you so much, and all of this feels so right. I don’t want to leave you and thinking I have to in a few days, makes me want to break down. I love you Black. I love you more every single second I am with you and I love you a thousand times more every time I am away from you.”
“And I love you more now than I ever have in my whole life.” John led Marlena over to a bench overlooking New York City.
“Marlena, I need to apologize for something. Lately, I have been somewhat distant but you have to know it’s not because my feelings for you have changed….I’ve been scared Doc. I’m scared to lose you when we have come this far. I’d come home after nights of training and I’d come home to this empty apartment…and I realized I loved you more than I ever thought. I would tell you my feelings and how much I loved you, but I guess it was just words. But being here, away from you….I truly understood the depths of my love for you….but I was afraid maybe you didn’t want to deal with all of this….I’m sorry.” Marlena fought the tears that were fighting to break through and she grabbed his face in her hands.
“Don’t apologize to me……you didn’t do *anything* wrong… Honestly, I was just as scared as you. I could have called you…but I thought maybe you were to busy, maybe you needed the time away from me and I’m so sorry for doubting you like that. I should have known how much you loved me….”
“Don’t be…Marlena I asked you here for a reason….the first night I got here, I met up with some of the guys for drinks…and they took me up here. They asked me about my life and the only thing I ever mentioned was you…and some of the things they said really made me think…I was afraid to let myself commit to you, not because I didn’t love you, because I did, God did I, because that meant I was growing up, that my life was actually shaping into something….and I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my childhood…but I knew that without you, with a risk of losing you, I was being a hopeless fool…Marlena I have a question to ask you.” John watched as clear tears fell from her gorgeous eyes.
“Yes..” she whispered, a large lump forming in her throat.
“Marlena, for five years you have been in my life. You have given me laughter when I needed it the most, you gave me love when I had nothing else to fight for, you let me inside your heart, where I found out what an amazing person you were. Your amazing strength to help anyone in need, your amazing willingness to listen, even if something was bothering you, other people came first, and your amazing gift to love unconditionally. I lived 18 years without you and I had girlfriends come and go….but our freshman year at college when I met you….a piece of my heart became whole….I never knew it was missing but the moment I laid eyes on you I felt complete. You were everything I never knew I always wanted. So tonight, October 29, 1999 on top of the Empire State building, I want to ask you to be my wife. I promise to love you unconditionally for the rest of our lives, to care for you, for richer, for poorer, for better for worse….Marlena Evans will you marry me?” John opened his jacket pocket and took out a black box. He snapped it open and she gasped at the look. The large rock, shined back at her and she smiled through the infamous amount of tears falling. The tears kept falling faster and faster and she held her hand up, whisking it through his hair.
“I love you…….but I can’t marry you…”
John opened his jacket pocket and took out a black box. He snapped it open and she gasped at the look. The large rock, shined back at her and she smiled through the infamous amount of tears falling. The tears kept falling faster and faster and she held her hand up, whisking it through his hair.
“I love you…….but I can’t marry you…” She looked into his blue eyes and saw the immense amount of pain building up. She felt a stab of pain as she watched his tears start to fall and she turned walking to the edge of the building feeling her own hot tears, running down her face. Marlena looked out into the water, waves rolling by, in the peaceful October winds. She heard dogs barking in the distance from an apartment somewhere, a night owl, howling somewhere in the city streets. She felt two warm hands, ease onto her back and John spun her around, taking her face in his hands. His tears had basically subsided but she knew the pain he was feeling.
“And why can’t you?” He asked softly, trying to read her mind, or connect with her soul. Her voice was barely audible, but to John her words were perfectly clear.
“Because I know that with your schedule, this would never work. When would we even get married, John.” Her voice started to get louder and John inhaled not ready to start another fight with her. The last one caused both of them to almost break down and he wasn’t ready to hurt like that, let alone having Marlena in the same pain. “So when would we? When the time is right for *you* because you aren’t in New York. Do you even know when I want to get married?” He shook his head, trying not to gaze in her eyes. Marlena walked away from him, sitting down in her chair, her face in her hands. “So let me tell you…..I want a May wedding. I want to be married on a beach, the waves crashing among us, the sand beneath our toes, the sun shining down on us….but because you’re in New York my dream wedding can *never* happen!”
“I swear, when God created stubborn, lady, he definitely picked out the name ‘Marlena Evans'”
“Wow John, that’s going to make me *really* want you,” Marlena said rolling her eyes. “I don’t know if this can work….” she trailed off, staring out into the night. He walked over to her and grabbed her hands, making her look into his eyes.
“If *we* want it to work, *we* can make it work! And I do want this more than anything because I love you!” Marlena fought off his hands and stood up walking away from him, her voice raising higher and higher the further she got away from him.
“We’ve grown apart okay? You don’t know what I want anymore, I don’t know what you want anymore, we don’t even see each other six months out of twelve! How the hell do you expect we settle down and start a life together? We spend 6 months together, maybe a couple of weekends here and there, oh *wow* we would the most *perfect* marriage,” Marlena said sarcastically, biting her lip to keep the tears from falling.
“So what are you saying? That five years of our love you want to throw out because we have to overcome obstacles? Since when are you a quitter lady?” John walked over to her and held her body close to his, so she couldn’t escape his grasp. “Why are you so ready to give this up? Without even a fight! What has happened to the Marlena Evans I fell in love with? The woman willing to fight for something she loved, most of all the love of her life….”
“She got scared,” she whispered, burying her face in his chest. She looked up into his eyes, the blue color getting lighter and lighter. “It’s not that I stopped loving you John….it’s the fact that I fell so deep in love with you that I don’t know what to do….I want to fight for this, for *us* but I am afraid that the more time I spend with you, the deeper I’ll fall in love, and then….and then you’ll leave me.”
“Do you honestly think I’d ever let you go? That I would be willing to lose the one thing that has made me who I am. Marlena, I was *nothing* without you. And I promise you one solemn promise right now…that no matter what happens in my career *you* are number one. Not my teammates, not my professional career but *you*. When I was growing up, I would always watch the way my cousin and his fiancee were. They were so tender, loving, and they seemed to have it all. And then my senior year of high school, they broke up, got divorced and now don’t speak, and I made a vow to myself I’d never let myself fall in love. I didn’t want the pain, they went through. But when I met you, I forgot that vow, and no matter what happens, our love can’t be broken, not the way we are fighting for it. That is *if* you want to fight for it…..” The tears came pouring out of Marlena’s eyes, like a water fountain being turned on to the highest possible capacity.
“I want you….and I want your love….and yes I even want to marry you but what if something happens…..”
“We won’t let anything happen!”
“John, you can’t control fate.”
“But you can try! Don’t you see, that if you want something bad enough, you have to work for it! Life isn’t handed down on a silver platter Marlena. You have to work for what you want! And I want to marry you!” Her voice was quiet but the words sounded like the New York City Symphony.
“I want to marry you too…” A small laugh escaped his throat and he looked into her glassy hazel eyes.
“Did you just say…” A smile started to form on her lips. He laughed again a huge grin, overcoming his entire face. “Marlena Evans, do me the incredible honor of being Mrs. John Black, *forever.*”
“Yes,” she whispered through her tears. “I’m willing to give everything to be your wife, yes, yes, yes.” She pressed her lips to his, letting her passion take over her fear. “So you know it’s not that I never wanted to marry you, it’s that-” Before she could finish he cut her off, placing his finger over her fair lips.
“You said yes,” he whispered. “That is all I care about. Now I have a little surprise for you.” Her head shot up, eyes wide with mystery.
“So? What is it?”
“The limo awaits us,” he said nibbling on her ear, sending soaring kisses down her neck.
“Again?” She groaned.
“Yes again….” He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and as they were leaving shouted on top of his lungs “Good night New York City!”
“Please take this thing off,” Marlena said motioning to the blindfold that was pasted over her eyes. “Come on, I’ll be your best friend,” Marlena whined. John placed his lips over hers for a quick kiss and laughed.
“Sorry darling, but you already are.” A pout crossed her face and he giggled again seeing how anxious she was. He opened the door to them room and walked in. He glided her in, inhaling the scent of red roses, that laid plastered on the bed spread. “Okay, I’m ready..” He slid the blindfold off, letting it fall onto her shoulders. Her hazel orbs were filled with tears, her mouth open with shock.
“Why are you the most perfect man in the world,” she asked looking into his eyes. The room was filled with red roses on every tabletop and candles sat spread across the room, casting romantic glows of light.
“Because I have the most perfect woman in the world.” John brought his mouth to hers, their lips connecting like a piece of a lost puzzle.
“I love you,” she whispered in his ear.
“Not half as much as I love you.” She felt his warm sensual tongue in her mouth and felt as her body became one with the bed…..and John.
John awoke in with his arms and legs entangled with Marlena’s as the sun rose in the morning, casting rosy and orange colors across the room. A few of the candles still burned dimly and all the roses still stood in their vases. Her hair was spread across the pillows looking like strands of golden silk in contrast to the red satin. He softly kissed her forehead and pulled her closer. John plucked one of the pink roses from an arrangement on the bed stand and outlined her cheeks with the bud. When she didn’t awaken, he brought the rose down again and ran the velvety pedals against her swollen lips, and then her shoulders. She still didn’t move. John smiled and brought his lips down on hers.
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I’ve never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
I don’t know how you what you do
I’m so in love with you, it just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I’m amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me, baby you surround me
You touch everyplace in my heart
Oh, it feels the first time every time
I wanna spent the whole night in your eyes
I don’t know how you what you do
I’m so in love with you, it just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I’m amazed by you
Every little thing that you do
I’m so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby I’m amazed by you
This woke her up as she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. John laid on his side, his body propped up by his elbow as he ran his fingers through her hair.
“Morning,” he said softly leaning down and kissing her forehead.
“And what a wonderful morning it is,” she replied, her voice raspy from just being woken up. She stretched, a sigh of contentment escaping her lips as they laid together breathing softly. Marlena looked out of the window over John’s shoulder and saw a park.
“Honey?” Marlena asked. John nodded. “Where are we?”
“Um, Plaza,” he chuckled. Marlena sat up bringing the sheet with her.
“You checked us into The Plaza Hotel?!” she asked wide eyed. John smiled.
“Yes. Impressed?”
“Very,” she laughed and laid her head back down on his shoulder. “What time do we have to leave?”
“About two hours because I have to stop back at the apartment before we go to the stadium,” he explained. Marlena smiled behind his back and kissed his shoulder.
“Two hours, huh?” Her smiled turned to a grin as she shoved him back down on the bed.
John pulled his car into the parking lot and turned off the ignition and looked at his passenger. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a high ponytail and his old blue Yankees jersey hung loosely on her shoulders. She smiled sweetly.
“Now, before you go and get hounded by reporters, I have something for you,” she said picking up her purse and digging through it. Her eyes lit up as she pulled out a gray jewelry box, giving it to him. “I didn’t know exactly what to get you but I knew this had to celebrated somehow.”
He opened the box to reveal a gold Yankees symbol on a matching chain. He smiled as he pulled it out and watched it twirl in the sunlight. Marlena grabbed the spinning medallion in her own hand and leaned forward, pulling the necklace lightly from his hands. Marlena clasped the hook around the back of his neck. She was sliding back into her own seat when John pulled her back closer to him.
“Thank you, Doc,” he said quietly burying his head in her neck, willing himself not to cry.
“Anything for you, John. You know that,” she smiled as her own eyes glistened with tears. They laughed and kissed before exiting the car and meeting in the front.
“Shall we, Doc?”
The green fields of Yankee stadium was probably the largest patch of grass in the city of New York, aside from Central Park. Cleanly cut and the dirt in neat piles. The four bases and pitches mound gleamed white and to some people, a baseball field was paradise.
John led Marlena down the uncountable flights of stairs to the first row. Going in 5 seats, he sat her down. He was in his full uniform, complete with cleats and cap. Marlena felt a strange sense of pride as her love showed her around the stadium. He checked her ticket one last time and smiled.
“Damn, I wish I could have gotten a seat like this for myself five years ago,” he joked. She smiled and her hand went to his cheek.
“Well, even better now. How I mentioned how cute you look in uniform, Mr. Black?”
“I’m in a professional baseball outfit and the best word you can come up with is ‘cute’?”
“Um, dashing? Sexy? Yummy?” she smiled.
“Okay, those are all better,” he grinned and knelt in front of her as she sat down in the seat.
“Are you nervous?” she asked.
“Me? Getting ready to play my official first game, which is the last game of the season, for the New York Yankees? Why would I be nervous?” he joked sarcastically. He pulled her close and whispered seriously in her ear. “The only time I have *ever* have been more nervous was last night when I asked you to marry me.”
Marlena smiled, touched, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “And look how that turned out.”
“You know, you are absolutely right. I gotta go, honey. Wish me luck?”
“Always,” she smiled. Marlena stood up wrapping her arms around his neck and pulled his head down to hers, devouring his mouth. He responded but reluctantly pulled away.
“Meet you here after the game?”
“You got it. I love you”, she said. He kissed her one last time before jumping off the grandstand onto the field.
“Love you too, Doc.”
Third inning. Two men on base, one is in scoring position. John Black stepped up to the plate. Taking a deep breath, he held up the bat and stepped into the box. The pitcher and catcher exchanged conversation with no words spoken. Finally, the pitcher nodded his head and wound up the pitch. The ball came flying down and John swung.
“STRIKE ONE!” the empire yelled.
John shook his head and stepped out of the box. Focusing again on the ball in the pitchers hand, he stepped back in. Getting ready again, he waited for the pitch to throw the ball. The delivery came and bat hit ball with a resounding smack. Going farther, farther, farther . . . out of the park.
Marlena watched the ball sail out into the bleachers and John run around the bases, a satisfied smile on his face. She nodded and went back to her gift from John she found under the seat: “Baseball For Dummies”
Sixth inning. Two men on base, one is in scoring position. John stepped again up to the white base. The pitcher was not to be fooled this time. He waited for the sign by the catcher and wound up, releasing the ball which was out and barely caught by the catcher.
“BALL ONE!”
John blew out a breath and stayed waiting the next pitch. Marlena watched from the bleachers, her gaze never leaving John. She had a bad feeling as the pitcher wound up again. The ball sailed towards John who didn’t notice it was coming, too fast, too high . . . too close. The white ball hit with a loud crack, contacting with John’s forehead. All of the stadium was quiet as John fell to the ground, except from one scream from the blonde in the front row . . .
As Marlena watched John’s body go limp, she felt her own do the same. She tried to stand but her legs turned into jelly and she fell back into her seat.
“Marlena, get up, he needs you, ” her mind told her.
She gripped onto the seat, her knuckles turning a shade of white. After a minute of standing steadily on her legs, Marlena’s instinct kicked in and she ran onto the field. The amount of media, worried coaches and players had lined up beside John. She ran down the stairs and into the entranceway of the field, only to be stopped by some muscular, no brained, bodyguard.
“I’m sorry Miss, fans are not aloud onto the field,” He said briskly crossing his arms over his chest.
“Listen you don’t understand, I am…”
“You are what? John Black’s greatest fan? Lady, so are half the women here. Please go back to your seat.” Before Marlena could protest a young man, in a full Yankee’s uniform walked over to them, his hands over his head in full thought. Marlena saw the number two stitched onto the front of his Jersey and disregarded him, looking back at the bodyguard.
“I know you,” he said looking her over, the glimmer in her hazel eyes so familiar.
“No, you don’t,” she said hastily, not in the mood to get hit on by some player. Normally she would have been flattered, despite being engaged or seriously involved with John but she was definitely not in the mood.
“You’re…..You’re John Black’s fiancee, aren’t you?” Marlena eyes lit up and a small smile crossed her face.
“Yes, yes I am!”
“Listen, Nick, she’s Black’s fiancee, let her on the field.” Nick nodded his head and Marlena rolled his eyes at him, grabbing the player’s arm before she went to see John.
“Thank you so much-” He laughed a little extending his hand to her.
“I’m Derek Jeter. I play short stop for the Yankee’s. John’s first few nights here, all he did was speak of this beautiful blonde back home in Colorado. Finally saw the picture of you on his mantle, I knew you looked familiar.”
“Thanks a lot Derek, it means a so much.”
“My pleasure….Now go see your fiancee.” Marlena bit on her lip, as she watched a stiff board being put under John’s back. Her tears had started to fall and she gave one more glance to Jeter as she walked over to John. She knelt down on her knees a chill overcoming her entire body. A long stream of blood trailed down John’s forehead, his mouth clamped shut, his eyes in the middle of closed and open.
“John,” Marlena whispered, running her hands through his short hair. She received no answer from him, knowing the crack to the head had caused him to fall unconscious to the ground. “Sweetheart, it’s Marlena….you have to wake up…John, I love you, I love you so much.” Marlena kissed his lips ever so gently as she felt the paramedics pull away at the board, loading John into the ambulance.
Marlena signed her name on the last medical form and handed it over to the receptionist. “Here you are. May I please see my fiancee now? Please?” Marlena asked agitated. She was so annoyed that instead of being able to be with John while he lay unconscious in a cold, empty hospital room, she had to be filling out medical sheets which was all just a bunch of crap anyway. The receptionist gave her a sympathetic smile and nodded her head pointing down the hall to the ICU rooms.
“Of course. He’s room number five.” Marlena managed a small smile and nodded her head, walking down the hallway. She turned the knob of his room, when she heard a soft feline voice floating to the doorway. Marlena looked towards the bed and saw a woman sitting there, her long red hair, hanging freely down her back. A black leather jacket hung loosely on her shoulders and Marlena noticed black marks running down her cheeks, obviously lines of mascara, due to immense amount of crying.
‘Why is this woman in John’s room,’ Marlena pondered about to say something until the woman spoke. A Californian accent sounded in her voice and Marlena leaned up against the wall outside, listening to her speak.
“John, I can’t believe this….the first time I see you in six years and I have to be seeing you like this. I came all the way from California to see you play…you finally made it to the big leagues, you don’t even know how proud I am of you. I was thinking about what you said before you moved to Florida, John. And I regret not saying yes. I regret denying you of your proposal and not because you are now some famous player in the leagues. I realized I never stopped loving you John. When I saw that first news brief on you, every feeling I ever had for you came flooding back to me. But we were so young….I wanted to go to college and I knew that in your heart you did too….and I didn’t want you to marry me because I was pregnant…so I had no other choice but to leave. But we have a daughter John…my mother and father have helped me raise her. I went to school and while I did they watched her…her name is Nicole….Nicole Lauren Black…she is so beautiful John. She looks so much like you. She has this long black hair, these sparkling blue eyes, she is so pretty. She’s in the first grade and she’s so smart….” Marlena droned out her voice and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths.
‘He has a child,’ Marlena repeated over and over in her head. ‘How could he have never of told me this?’ Marlena took in a few more breaths and walked into the room, the door slamming against the back wall. Her usual calm orbs burned with fire and her voice was determined.
“Just who the hell do you think you are?”
“Well? Who the hell are you and why are you sitting in my fiancees room?” Marlena repeated herself, crossing her arms in front of her.
“Fiancee?” the woman asked.
“Yes. Who are you?”
“I’m Shauna. John’s old girlfriend from California,” she said.
“Funny, he never mentioned you,” Marlena said coldly. Ignoring Shauna, she walked over to the opposite side of the bed, sitting on the edge. Picking up his hand in hers, she kissed his bandaged forehead.
“Bet he never mentioned he had a daughter either, did he?” Shauna asked softly.
“I beg your pardon? I could have sworn you just said that John has a daughter,” Marlena said laughing at the obscenity.
“I did. John and I have a daughter,” Shauna repeated.
“John would have told me . . .” Marlena laughed softly. “That’s impossible.”
Shauna was about to speak when a little girl cam bounding into the room. Her long black hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she wore a bright yellow tee-shirt and blue jeans. Her sapphire blue eyes identical to John’s. Marlena’s voice caught in her throat. She was so much like John.
“Mommy!” she yelled. Shauna opened her arms and lifted the little girl onto her lap.
“You, little missy, are supposed to be with Grammy,”
“I missed you, Mommy,” the little girl said wrapping her tiny arms around her mothers neck.
“I missed you too, sweetie,” Shauna smiled and kissed the tip of her nose.
Marlena sat at the edge of John’s bed, her life seemingly to unravel like a sweater in a cartoon. One string keeps pulling until it’s gone. ‘John has a daughter. He never even told me . . .’ and then she was thinking. ‘What else is he keeping from me?’
An older, gray haired woman appeared at the doorway. The little girl looked shamefully away.
“I’m sorry, dear. She must have gotten away from me,” she explained. The little girl reluctantly climbed down and walked over to the woman.
“It’s okay, Mom. This is John’s fiancee, what did you say your name was?” Shauna asked. Marlena did hear her until she spoke up again, louder. “Excuse me?”
“Your name?”
“Marlena. Marlena Evans.”
“There ya go. Honey, why don’t you have Grammy take you to get some fruit in the cafeteria, okay?” Shauna suggested. Marlena watch speculatively. The older woman and child left leaving Marlena and Shauna in the tension filled room. That was, until John moved.
Marlena’s attention turned back to John. She released his hand and sat in the chair next to him. He breathed deeply and opened his eyes, slowly letting everything come into focus. Groggily, not seeing Marlena, he turned to his right to see Shauna sitting there.
“Shauna!” He asked looking into the green eyes of his ex girlfriend. Surprise filled his body and he blinked a couple times, remembering his moments in the past with her. “What are you doing here?” he asked rubbing his eyes.
Marlena sat there in shock. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m here,’ Shauna smiled sweetly and it wanted to make Marlena sick.
“Well, you know how much I’ve always been a Yankee fan. There was someone who wanted to meet you too,” she said softly. Marlena’s cell phone took that opportunity to let itself be known by ringing loudly. Taking a cleansing breath, she answered it.
“Hello? – Hi, Sam. – Yes, he’s fine. – Yes, he’s awake. – I don’t know. – Sam, I do not know. Can I call you back later? – Thank you, hon. Bye,” Marlena said and hung up. John looked over at her guiltily.
“Hi, Doc. I didn’t know you were here,” John said looking down.
“I figured. Listen, I’m going home. If you have something you’d like to tell me, about any children you might have, better late then never,” she said sarcastically closing the door behind her. She made it downstairs to the lobby and into a cab before she broke down in tears.
John tried to get up to go after her but he got dizzy and had to sit. Shauna helped John lay back down. His usual warm blue eyes seemed cold, just recalling Marlena’s last words to him.
“If you have something you’d like to tell me, about any children you might have, better late then never.” Her voice had seemed so bitter, so mad, and an unwanted feeling settled in the bottom of his stomach. Shauna’s voice took him out of his reverie.
“Hey honey, you can’t get up and run a marathon just yet,” She said moving his pillow.
“But, Doc . . . .”
“If she loves you she’ll come back. I did,” Shauna said, ending quietly.
“Why are you here, Shauna?”
“Nicole saw you on television and she wanted to meet you,”
“Nicole?”
“John, do you remember the night you proposed to me?” A small smile crossed his lips as he remembered that night. The way the moonlight shone down on them in the small park in their hometown of Sherman Oaks. Light orchestrated music played somewhere off in the distance and the sky was filled with millions of stars. Then Marlena came to mind, her beautiful hazel eyes shimmering over in tears.
“What about it?” he asked somewhat coolly.
“Do you remember why I said no?”
“Of course. You said you couldn’t marry me because you knew I wanted to go to college and that you couldn’t just marry me because you were preg…..” Suddenly everything made sense…why Marlena had made a crack about his child and why the name Nicole had sounded so familiar. “You always wanted to name your daughter Nicole, didn’t you?” John asked quietly. “I just always figured you had aborted the baby since you never called me to even tell me.” His shocked expression turned angry and he sat up looking deep into Shauna’s green orbs.
“Shauna, you never even bothered to tell me I had a daughter! Do you even understand the damage you have done? My *fiancee* now thinks I have lied to her about something so serious, something I didn’t even think existed! You told me that you would most likely abort it since you wanted me to do something with myself and you didn’t want to raise it alone..”
“Well, my parents helped me…”
“That doesn’t matter,” John screamed cutting her off. “You had no right to keep this from me! And why show up now? You kept my daughter from me for six years and now all of a sudden you want her in my life? I can’t deny a child of their father but answer me, Shauna. Why now? Is it because I am getting famous? Because I have money? What is it because I sure as hell do not get it!”
“John Black you can be the most insensitive man, I have ever met! Don’t you even care that you have a daughter? Don’t you want to get to know her!”
“Damn it Shauna! That isn’t my point! My point is you can’t just come back six years later and try to claim me! That isn’t fair! And I am in love with Marlena and I am marrying her!” Before Shauna could answer, Nicole ran into the room, her hair flopping as she ran. She glanced at John carefully as she grabbed onto her mother’s leg.
“Daddy?”
This chapter is missing.
Derek stood outside of John’s door holding the crisp white envelope in his hands. He breathed deep and opened John’s hospital room to find him leafing through today’s newspaper. As the door creaked open John looked up and laughed.
“Man, did you see the paper? Already the local newspaper has printed a story on this, my accident happened less than 5 hours ago and yet they have a whole feature on it…I always wondered how these reporters do it,” John laughed. He noticed the serious look on his best friends face and raised his eyebrow at him.
“What’s with you?”
“John we have to talk. When I went over to the apartment to get some things I found this.” He handed John the envelope and he stared at Marlena’s cursive writing.
“What is it?”
“Now look man, don’t get mad at me but I saw the envelope and the apartment was a mess and for some reason there was a red rose in the garbage and I was thinking that something must be off if Marlena would have thrown something like that out and then I found this…so I opened it and I read it and I am sorry John but…”
“Yo Jeter,” John said holding up his hand to cut him off. “It’s fine. Let me read it.” As John was about to open he felt something inside stab him and he reached his hand in pulling out the diamond engagement ring he had given her just last night.
Derek watched as he pulled the ring out and saw crystal droplets form in his blue orbs.
“I’ll leave you alone Black. If you need me I’ll be in the cafeteria, hitting on some nurses,” Derek joked hoping to make John smile. The frown from John’s lips never left his face. He was completely oblivious to anything Derek was saying, he just looked at the sparkling diamond in his hands. As Derek was about to leave, he looked at his best friend and sent a silent prayer to God, hoping John could pull through this one.
John unfolded the letter and read it over and over again. Her words stung him and he placed his hand to his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat. Her words kept repeating over and over in his mind….
I love you John Black, that could never change no matter what, not even this could ever change that, but I don’t know if I could spend a lifetime with someone who would keep something like this from me. I guess maybe I’ll call you when I’m ready, or when I’ve had time to think about everything but please don’t contact me.
“I don’t care what you say Doc, I am *not* giving you up without some kind of fight!”
Sam sat on the couch in her parents house reading the newspaper.
“Yankee Third Basemen, John Black Involved In Serious Accident. As John Black stepped up to plate this morning in New York’s Yankee Stadium we were all expecting another grand slam homerun from the newest addition to the 1996 World Champions. As the ball was thrown towards John a crack was heard throughout the entire ball park and it wasn’t the sound of the ball hitting the bat….” The interruption of the phone jolted her out of the article.
“Hello?”
“Sam, it’s John.” Sam rolled her eyes and propped her legs up on the couch.
“John, I don’t want to speak to you and my sister sure as *hell* does not want too. Now please, don’t call again.” Sam was about to hang up the phone when she heard John’s pleading voice on the other line.
“Sam, stop! Please let me tell you what happened.” She put the phone back on her ear and cleared her throat.
“All right John, I’m listening, tell me why you hurt my sister so much….”
Derek walked back into John’s room to find him tying his cleats.
“Black, what are you doing?”
“I’m getting out of here. I need to go to Colorado, I need to save my relationship with the woman I love.” Derek sat down on the bed and started to play with the little threats in the woven blanket.
“John, you read the letter. She told you to stay away, by going to Colorado it will only make things worse, don’t you see that?”
“No, it won’t. I spoke to Sam and she is willing to help me.”
“John, you suffered a major concussion today, you can’t just fly off to Colorado and forget that you got hurt.”
“Jeter, I am fine. Listen man, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me lately. You’re truly the best.” Derek smiled and held out his hand to John.
“Oh I know.” John laughed and smacked his hand in his. “I’ll catch you later.” John started to walk towards the door when Derek stopped him.
“Hey John?” John turned around and faced him.
“Yah.”
“Good luck with everything and call me to let me know what happened.”
“You got it.” And with that John walked out of the hospital hoping to win back his true love.
Marlena sat down at the lake behind her house and played with a rock that was fighting it’s way between the dirt and the water. She picked it up and twirled it around her hands. The brown soil made her skin turn a darker shade and she threw the rock across the water watching it skid through. As the cool wind breezed by, she felt a presence.
“What are you doing here I asked you not to come?” she asked not even turning around.
“How did you know it was me?” His voice was soft and her heart melted as she heard it.
“Because you think I can’t feel your presence? We were together for 5 years, I think I know your smell by now.” John managed a small laugh and went to sit beside her. “So why are you here,” she asked, avoiding his gaze.
“Because I spoke to Sam and we both decided that you need to know the truth.”
“A little late for that, don’t you think,” she said coldly, her eyes turning hard.
“No, it’s not, because you are assuming I lied to you……and I didn’t….I couldn’t….”
“Oh really?” she asked turning to him. “Because I think hiding the fact that you have a child is a pretty major detail. So what happened John? You ditched her because she was pregnant? Was your career more important than a human being?”
“That was low Marlena, and you know it.”
“And you deserved it. I am so sick of this! You say you love me and then you hide an important fact from me! I would have been a step mother and not even have know it! God you can’t understand how I feel do you? Because you think this about *you.* Well you know what it isn’t about you anymore! It’s about *us* and it’s *over,*” she screamed getting up to leave. He grabbed her arm and turned her face to his. Her eyes met his and she had to glance away not to melt at his gaze.
“It’s not over until you know the *truth*……”
Page 12 of 42
“What if I don’t want to know the truth?” Marlena asked turning around and looking into the crystal blue water. The color of the liquid matched John’s eyes and she glanced away.
“What if I’m not giving you a choice?”
“Damn it I have a choice and I am sick and tired of this! I asked you to leave me alone and I meant it. Sam had absolutely *no* right to tell you to talk to me. This is *my* life you’re ruining, not hers!” Marlena screamed, trying to get out of his grasp.
“Did you really expect me to lay around and watch you leave without a fight? I don’t *think* so, Doc!”
“Don’t you . . .” Marlena started but was interrupted.
“Listen to me for once, will ya? I am here to tell you the truth. I flew across the country to tell you. The most you can do is listen to me.”
“The most I can do? For you? Don’t you even care . . .”
“I’m past caring, Doc! I’m free falling! With the idea that I am never going to hear you laugh, never going to smell your perfume and I am never going to *touch* you! I love you Doc!”
“Do you?”
“Yes, I do,” he finished wiping the salty tears from his face. “Can we talk now?”
“No!” Marlena announced and stormed off towards the house. John stamped his foot into the muddy ground and felt a stab of pain from his wound. Dismissing it, he ran after her. He caught up with her just before she got to the front door. After opening it, she turned around to face him.
“I told you to leave me alone, John Black. I mean it. Go back to New York, or even better, California!” she said and slammed the door in his face.
Marlena turned around and met gazes with three unhappy people. Her mother, father, and sister, standing at the bottom of the stairs, blocking her escape.
“I told him to leave me alone, not my fault he didn’t want to listen,” she said and walked towards them. She tried to break her father and sisters interlocked arms with no prevail.
“Sam told us what John told her, and we think you should talk to him,” her father said.
“I don’t and if you would excuse me, I’d like to go to my room,” Marlena said. Martha got off the staircase without saying a word to her daughter and opened the door to find John standing against the post of the door, his head throbbing in his hands.
“John, sweetheart, are you all right,” Martha asked taking John’s arm and leading him into the family room.
“Yeah Martha, I’ll be fine, I guess I’m not exactly over my concussion yet…”
“Well come sit down.” They walked over to the couch and John sat down still holding his head from the immense pain shooting through it. Marlena shot her parents and sister a deadly glance as they walked out of the room, all heading upstairs. Marlena remembered times from when she was younger when she had gotten into trouble and would shoot glances towards the staircase…anything to get out of dealing with the reality of now. She felt that way now as she was faced with the decision of either spending the rest of her life with the man she loved or trying to start again without him.
“Doc?” Marlena was brought back to reality at the sound of her name.
“What?” she asked rather coolly, playing with a cuticle on her left ring finger, where only hours ago, laid a diamond engagement ring.
“I said why don’t we start a fire or something. It’s getting pretty cold out and Sam told me you are supposed to get the first snow of the year tonight. We can make hot chocolate and just talk everything out. What do you say?” Marlena scowled thinking how the first snow fit her mood completely. Cold, icy and unwanted.
“And what if I don’t want to?” John motioned around to the stairs where her family had just been and let out a light laugh.
“I don’t think you have much of a choice. Now why don’t you go make some hot chocolate and I’ll start the fire.”
“Fine,” Marlena mumbled, walking into the kitchen.
Marlena walked out of the kitchen, 10 minutes later to see a fire blazing in it’s home. Two cups of steaming hot chocolate sat in her hands and she rushed over to the coffee table to put that hot liquid down. She sat down on the couch, avoiding John at any cost. She watched as the orange, red and yellow flames cast rays across the darkened room and Marlena couldn’t help but remember back to a time when everything seemed so perfect on a night just like tonight…..
* * *
“John,” Marlena giggled, nuzzling her face in his neck. “Can’t we turn the lights on, it’s so dark in here.” A fire was blazing in their new apartment just off campus.
“No way Doc. On the first snow of the year in *our* new apartment, all I want to do is hold you when the lights are off, a fire roaring next to us.”
“Hold? That’s it? I mean come on a little bitty fire can’t exactly keep me warm.”
“Oh so what will?” John laughed, wrapping his arms tightly around her small frame.
“Hmmm, body heat could always work,” Marlena whispered rolling John over so she was on top of him. She kissed his neck, moving up to his cheek and finally resting on his lips. He opened his mouth slightly and let her tongue enter, his shivering body turning numb at the feeling of her tongue inside his mouth. When the kiss had subsided John moved his mouth over to her ear.
“I love you Marlena. Always know I will be truthful with you, always know that you are the most important thing in my life, but most of all always remember how much I love and adore you. You are the light of my life, the apple of my eye, the reason my body awakens every morning and the reason my mind sleeps at night….Marlena Evans, I love you…forever and ever…” He wiped the tears that had started to fall from her hazel orbs and she smiled up down at him adoringly.
“And I love you….more than yesterday but not half as much as tomorrow….” He took her in his arms again and started to kiss down her body, a winter wonderland formulating outside.
* * *
“You were thinking about that night too weren’t you?” John asked, sliding over so they were only mere inches from each other. She looked into his blue eyes, tears threatening to spill over at the thought of that night. They had been so happy that nothing and no one could have ruined it….
“Yes I was…but it doesn’t matter now, we can never go back to that,” she whispered, letting her tears spill freely.
“Yes we can Marlena.” He grabbed her hands that were resting grimly on her lap and turned her face so she was looking directly at him. “We can go back to that, if you would just listen to what I have to say! Do you remember what I told you that night? Right before we….right before we made love…what did I tell you?”
“You told me you would never lie to me..”
“And I haven’t!”
“So *Shania* is lying? That little girl who looks *exactly* like you is not your daughter?” John couldn’t help but laugh at her mistake and corrected her never taking his eyes off of her.
“No Doc, *Shauna* technically isn’t lying.” Marlena rolled her eyes at his correction to the name but let him continue. “That little girl you saw today *is* my daughter….but if you think I would lie to you and never tell you about her then you must be crazy. I never told you about Nicole because I never knew there *was* a Nicole. From 8th grade to our senior year Shauna and I dated. We had been good friends most of our childhood and then when we were first discovering love we somehow found each other…” John saw Marlena’s eyes close, tears falling rapidly. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly and she accepted his hand, to weak to even try to fight it. “Anyway the summer before our senior year of high school we decided to experiment with sex…we had been serious for a while and it was something we both wanted…so we did it. And we kept doing it until halfway through senior year. Shauna called me up at 3 in the morning crying and said she had just taken one of those home pregnancy tests and she told me she was pregnant. I was a mess Marlena….I wanted to go to Florida to try and get going with my career and she was going to go to NYC to study fashion. But because she was pregnant everything changed so one night I proposed to her….and she turned me down saying she didn’t want to marry me because she was pregnant and we had a big blow up and we split. She said once I had left for college she was going to abort the baby and I tried to stay with her until then but she made me swear to leave….all these years I just thought she had aborted Nicki, I had no idea I had a daughter and if I knew Marlena, you would know….I could never lie to you. I love you way to much.” Her breathing was deep and her voice came out choked as she tried to speak.
“I love you too….but I am scared…if I give into you again and something else happens I won’t be able to bear it. John, you are my knight in shining armor, you are the hero who comes to rescue me on a white horse….but when that hero falls and nothing in the world makes sense….” John placed his finger over Marlena’s lips and felt as her warm salt water tears fell onto his fingers.
“Nothing will happen Marlena. I won’t let it….I want to go to California to get custody of my daughter…..and I want you to be there by my side, to help me fight for this…..Marlena I want you to be the mother of my daughter….and I want you to be my wife…and maybe I have no right to ask this of you…”
“Yes John. I want to be your wife and I would *love* to help you raise Nicole. I love you sweetheart.” John smiled and stood up reaching into his jacket pocket. He got down on one knee and showed her the ring again, the diamond sparkling like her hazel eyes.
“Marlena, I love you. I want to spend my life with you, my afterlife with you, I want to have children with you, spoil grandchildren with you, I want to do *everything* in this world with you. Marry me Doc. This time forever, without any complications, just, you, me, and Nicole, forever….”
“Yes, yes yes! I love you *so* much.” He slipped the ring back onto her finger and kissed it, smiling through his tears. She stood up and jumped into his arms. As he let her down her body went limp for a second and he caught her before she fell to the floor.
“Whoa Marlena are you okay?” She shook out her head for a second and blinked a few times letting a nauseating feeling wash over her.
“Um, yeah. I guess I just got a little overwhelmed there. Doesn’t matter,” she said ignoring the feeling. “Kiss me baby, we have an engagement to celebrate.” John smiled and let her spell go, laying her down on the couch as Sam, Martha, and Frank, watched from the stairs, all giving each other high five’s.
Page 13 of 42
“And in the news today, Yankee third basemen John Black is suing for custody of his six year old daughter. Black, who was unaware of a daughter, is suing his ex Shauna Kaufman for $1000 and for sole custody of Nicole Lauren Black, Black’s daughter. Black is engaged to psychiatrist in training Marlena Evans, who resides in Colorado, where the two own a house together. The two plan to raise the child together. The hearing is set for tomorrow afternoon at Los Angeles City Court House.”
Marlena clicked off the TV and sat back against the pillows. The bright Southern California sun shone in through the hotel room windows and Marlena closed her eyes to avoid a direct contact with the sun. John had gone out to run a couple of errands and Marlena had some of her own business to attend to. She walked into the bathroom and stared down at the long marble counter. A thin stick lay in front of her with a color slowly appearing on it. Her gaze was drawn to the small stick until a ringing in the bedroom adverted her back to reality. She ran into the other room and picked up her cell phone which was lying on the night stand.
“Marlena Evans,” she said picking up her phone.
“It’s me. Did you find out yet?”
“Not yet, let me go check now….Sam I am scared…”
“Just go sweets. I’m here.” Marlena walked into the bathroom and glanced down and the now colored stick.
“Sam,” Marlena’s voice cracked. “What does blue mean?” She heard her twin take in a deep breath and on her exhale she answered quietly.
“I think it means you’re pregnant….”
Sam put down the phone and sat down on the long leather couch. Her eyes focused on a picture of John and Marlena last year on her birthday. A birthday crown lay in the middle of her blonde mane a bright smile captivating her face. One of John’s arms was around her waist while the other lay around her neck. A lei was around both their necks, the theme of her tropical birthday party. Sam was so lost in their happy faces she didn’t even hear the wood door creak open until the visitor cleared his throat.
“So your sister is pregnant?” Sam jerked her eyes away from the picture and found Derek Jeter standing in the front entranceway. “Sorry if I scared you.” Sam placed her hand over her beating heart and stood up, walking over to shut off the TV.
“It’s ok, I just wasn’t expecting company. May I ask who you are?” Derek laughed and sat down in a chair surrounding the glass table.
“You Evans’s girls know *nothing* about baseball do you?” Sam gave him a sly smile and sat down across from him, grabbing an apple from the center of the table.
“Oh we know baseball, but we are Rockies fans! I mean come on we were born and raised in Colorado, can’t expect us to switch teams now can you?”
“Your sister has.”
“Nah, she still loves the Rockies,” Sam laughed. “She just let’s John believe she is a Yankee’s fan, ya know for his own sake.” Derek smiled at her noticing how beautiful she was. There was something so different between her and Marlena. Marlena had an innocent look to her but Sam was more sultry…something he found irresistible in a woman. Her hazel eyes had a sharp sparkle for life and her blonde hair was shorter than Marlena’s, making it an even cut right above her shoulders.
“Jeter, you’re staring.” Jeter laughed and traced his fingers along the ceramic bowl in the center of the table.
“I’m sorry.” The grin from his face faded and his expression turned serious. “So Marlena is pregnant?” Sam bit down on her lower lip and glanced away from Derek. She looked into his eyes and she nodded her head slowly.
“Yes, Marlena is pregnant. But Derek you have to *promise* me you won’t tell John.
*Please.* I know I don’t know you well but please do this for me! Do this for Marlena…”
“How can you ask me not to tell my best friend he’s going to be a father especially with what he is going through now with Nicole? Don’t you think he has a right to know?”
“Yes I do…” she started out slowly. “But Marlena doesn’t want John to know, not now, not while he has to deal with all this Shauna, Nicole stuff. She’ll tell him when the time is right….”
“How much time does she have Samantha?” She glanced at him, one eyebrow cocking upward.
“How do you know my name? I don’t recall telling it to you…”
“John told me of Marlena’s twin Sam. So I kinda figured that was you. Now Sam come on, this isn’t a realistic choice and you know it.”
“Yes Derek, I do. But I can’t break my sister’s wishes. She’ll tell him…..I promise.”
“Fine. All I am saying is she better or else I will…”
“John, are you sure you want custody of your daughter?” Brian Alfieri asked.
“Are you saying I wouldn’t be able to get her?”
“John, it’s no secret that the courts are sometimes biased with the mother. With the fact that you have only seen Nicole once doesn’t look good on your behalf,” Brian admitted looking down at the folder.
“What do I have to do to get my daughter?” John asked leaning over the desk.
“You would have to prove Shauna to be an unfit Mother,”
“But . . . . there’s no other way?”
“Well you could ask for joint custody. Nicole would spend six months with you either in New York or Colorado and six months with Shauna in LA, alternating holidays, of course.”
“Of course. Listen, Brian, I missed six years of my daughters life because of her selfish, egotistical mother. I don’t want to waste anymore time and I want to make up for what time my daughter and I have lost. Is there a *chance* that the judge would go in my favor?” John asked.
“Well, yes, but . . .”
“That’s all I needed to know. Thank you, we’ll be in touch,” John said rising and holding his hand out for Brian to shake.
“You do realize that this is *not* in you favor, right?”
“Neither was me ever going to the majors and look where I am now.”
Nicole Lauren sat in her pink decorated bedroom on the carpet brushing a dolls long golden hair, softly humming to herself. Her mother sat on her bed with a cordless telephone in her hand.
“Steven, I don’t really care, he has no right to sue for custody of my daughter! I raised her for six years and I am not going to give her up now. Now are the odds in my favor?”
“Shauna,” her lawyer began, looking over her file in his office. “You may have raised her but you also kept her father from her. Courts will look majority into that not to mention that John will soon be married. And the fact is you’re a single mother….”
“Steven I don’t care. I have raised her well enough in six years without a father for her the courts can’t just say I am an unfit mother *now.* My daughter loves me and that can *never* change. Now if I don’t win, there will be hell to pay Steven and you can bet your life on that one.” Shauna slammed down the phone and looked at her daughter’s frightened eyes, wincing that she had to be put through this.
“Honey?! You here?!” John called into the hotel suite. Marlena wiped the tears from her eyes and threw the stick in the box and then the box into the trash can at the side of the bed. She sat on the bed and John stuck his head through the doorway.
“Hi there! How did the meeting go?” Marlena asked brightly.
“Um, fine. Are you okay?” John asked sitting next to her. She smiled and kissed his cheek.
“I’m fine. Just happy to see you. So what do you want to do today?”
“Well, I have a preposition for you,” John said sliding his arm around her shoulders.
“Oh, yeah? Ok, Black. Spill it,”
“You know, I would *love* to spend a day with my two favorite ladies,” John said. Marlena looked up at him confused.
“Two?”
“Well, yes. You’re here but I want the both of us to spend the day with Nicky,” John suggested.
“Do you think Shauna would let us?”
“Parental rights. I can try, right?”
“Of course,” Marlena smiled and handed him the phone. “Call her.”
“I don’t know the number,” he admitted. Marlena rolled her eyes and pulled the phone book from the night stand. He opened the directory up to ‘K’.
“Here we go: Kaufman, S. 202-555-6175,” John said picking up the telephone and dialing the number.
“Hello?”
“Shauna?”
“Yes, Who’s this?”
“This is John,” he said and the other line fell silent. “Are you there?”
“Yes, John. I’m here. What do you want?”
“Marlena and I want to take Nicole out today,”
“Do you?”
“Yes, we do. Is there a problem with that?”
“No, fine. Be here in fifteen minutes,” Shauna said and hung up the phone. John did the same and looked at Marlena.
“Sounded like that went well,” Marlena commented.
“Yeah. You ready?” he asked wrapping his arms around her. She placed her lips on his and smiled.
“Sweetheart, I was born ready,”
John held onto Marlena’s hand as they took the elevator up in the chic Los Angeles apartment building. The bell went off and the elevator attendant opened the door for them. Walking to the door, John knocked. Shauna showed up wearing a pair of black leggings and a white tee-shirt cut showing her abdomen.
“Nicky, honey!” Shauna called looking at John. Nicky appeared next to her mother, her long black hair was pulled into a ponytail and she wore a Pokeman tee-shirt and a little pair of denim overalls. A New York Yankees jersey hung over her small shoulders and John saw the #2 etched in front. He knelt down to his daughters level and asked her to turn around. She did and John smiled at the name ‘Jeter’ over the top.
“What? Your old man isn’t good enough? I will have you know that Derek has almost 17 more errors than I do,” John smiled and picked Nicole up, placing her on his shoulders.
“I have yours too, Daddy,” the little girl giggled.
“Back by 7, John,” Shauna said and closed the door.
“Okay, are you ready?” John asked. Nicole nodded her head ‘yes’ and held the bat up. John threw the white whiffle ball lightly and Nicole swung the bat. The ball hit and went flying over John’s head. Marlena laughed as she stood behind her soon to be stepdaughter.
“Well, there you have it. Baseball is definitely genetic,” she smiled and slapped Nicole a high five. John came back with the ball.
“Okay, Doc. Your turn, up at bat,”
“Um, no thanks. I don’t play baseball. I watch you,”
“Oh, come on Marlena! Ya gotta try!” Nicky said.
“Yeah, you see? I’ll even teach you. Nicky, you wanna pitch?” John asked. The little girl shook her head enthusiastically and caught the plastic ball that John threw at her. He picked up the bright yellow bat and stood behind Marlena.
“Honey, do you trust me?” Marlena asked.
“Of course,” John said resting his head on her shoulder.
“Then go out there to catch the ball,” Marlena smiled. John raised his eyebrow but shrugged. He stopped next to Nicky and whispered something in her ear. She looked over her fathers shoulder and grinned. He hugged her and stood a few feet behind.
“Farther,” Marlena said.
“Farther? Than this?” John asked.
“Hey, if you wanna go running after the ball then fine but I am looking out for your best interest,” Marlena smiled. John stepped back a few steps. Marlena pointed the bat out indicated John to go farther.
“You’re kidding me,” John said.
“Fine. Nicky, honey, you wanna pitch the ball?” Marlena asked. Nicky nodded and threw the ball. Marlena kept her eyes on it and swung the bat, sending the ball flying past John. Nicky jumped and laughed with Marlena at John’s dumbstruck expression.
“Told ya!” Nicky and Marlena laughed.
“Longggggggg day,” Marlena muttered as John put the electronic key in the lock to their hotel suite.
“Yeah, it was,” John agreed as he held the door open. Marlena was about to go through when john grabbed her waist and pulled her back. “Going to be a long night, too.”
“I thought you had court tomorrow?” Marlena asked pulling John inside and closing the door behind them.
“Well, I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t spend a little time with my fiancee, now does it?” Marlena giggled as she brought her lips to his. Their tongues met in the middle of their mouths, spiraling out of control. They walked backwards towards the bed John falling on top of it, Marlena falling on top of him.
“I love you John,” she moaned, unbuttoning his pants. As they slid off his legs she started to rip at his boxers, her only interest right now was feeling him inside of her.
“And I love you….” She moaned as she felt him, the news of her pregnancy slipping her mind as she enjoyed John’s touch.
Marlena laid in John’s arms playing with his chest hair.
“Sweetie, I just have to go to the bathroom, think ya can let me up for a minute or two?” John laughed and kissed her passionately.
“Well, if it’s for a minute, *maybe*.” Marlena laughed and got up walking into the connecting bathroom. John watched her walk and smiled, turning towards the clock on the night stand next to them. Something in the garbage caught his eye and he took the box out of the can.
“What the hell is this,” he asked looking at the box. “Home Pregnancy Test, 99.9% accurate.” John heard the rattling inside and tipped the box, a long stick falling onto the bed. He looked at the color on the stick and the results on the back of the box, letting his mouth hang wide open.
“Ya know,” Marlena said walking out of the bathroom. “I was just thinking how ironic…” Marlena looked at John’s face and frowned. “Baby what’s wrong?”
John looked up, his blue eyes a cold steel color. “So were you ever going to tell me you were pregnant or what?”
“So Marlena,” John said holding up the blue stick. The color on the strip matched his sky blue eyes, which were now turning a shade of black. “Were you ever going to tell me you were pregnant or what?” Marlena stared in horror as John held the slab of evidence in his hand. Her knees shook nervously and she moved over to the bed sitting down.
“John,” she whispered, “It’s not like that.” His voice came out loud and hostile.
“So what the hell is it like? You see what I am going through with Nicole. Shauna *never* told me I had a daughter and you *know* how hurt I am, how can you even *dare* to think of doing the same thing? Are you crazy?”
“Am I crazy? No, I am very much in love and I was just trying to do what was best for you,” Marlena said calmly, avoiding John’s gaze.
“What’s best? What’s *best*? How the hell is this *best*?” Marlena’s insides rose with flames and she got up glaring deep into his eyes.
“I did what the hell was best for you, *yes*. I didn’t want to have to put you through something else while you’re trying to deal with *this*. Don’t you even understand? You left one woman pregnant and were unmarried, what would courts think if you got another woman pregnant…”
“Marlena, we’re engaged.” She let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head.
“No John, when I got pregnant we weren’t engaged. And courts could think that you once again proposed to a woman because of the fact she’s pregnant.”
“It’s irrelevant, Marlena. The courts wouldn’t ask anything of the sort.”
“How the hell do you know?” She shot back. “Have you ever been in a child custody case before? What I did was purely for *you* and you are a selfish, egotistical, bastard if you think otherwise.” John’s baby blue eyes had turned a shade of black and burned into her hazel ones.
“Yeah, well, I guess we have a different view on the matter. Are you still testifying?”
“I don’t know do you want me to?” She asked quietly sitting on the bed. She moved her hands towards her stomach, a slight cramp twanging in her side.
“Right now I don’t even want to look at you,” he said harshly as a sharp pain stabbed her heart. Tears started to roll down her angelic rosy cheeks and she wiped them quickly composing herself.
“Fine, I’ll testify for you and then you’ll never have to see me again.” She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, sinking up against it, letting her tears fall freely. The room stayed quiet for a moment until Marlena heard the hotel room door slam shut, leaving her alone to cry in pain.
***
“Ms. Evans, how well do you know Mr. Black?” The judge asked looking the blonde up and down. Marlena’s golden hair was tied up into a ponytail, a creme colored suit shaping her petite body.
“I know him as well as I know myself,” she answered honestly, her heart breaking knowing the pain she had cause him earlier.
“Would Mr. Black ever lie to you about knowing the truth of his daughter? One, Nicole Lauren Black?”
“No, John would never lie to me. He would have no reason to. I strongly believe that Ms. Kaufman lied to John about their daughter.”
“Do you and Mr. Black plan on marrying soon?” Judge Goldberg asked eyeing both Marlena and her fiancee.
Marlena bit her lip, refusing to let her tears fall. She knew in her heart that somehow this marriage wasn’t going to happen anytime soon and she regretted the fact that she never told John of her pregnancy, even though she made herself believe it was for his sake.
“Yes,” she said quietly. “We plan to marry in May.”
“And you’re willing to become stepmother to this little girl? Do you have any experience of being a mother?”
Marlena’s eyes burned into John’s as she knew what they were both thinking. ‘No but soon enough I will.’
“Yes, your honor. I would love to be a mother to Nicole and although I have no exact experience as a mother, I’d love to learn. A mother isn’t born a mother, it’s a part you have to mold yourself into and I’d love the chance to get to play one.” Judge Goldberg smiled.
“Thank you Ms. Evans, you may step down.” As Marlena stood up a wave of nausea overtook her body and her muscles went weak, leaving her lying on the floor in a quick instant.
“Doc,” John screamed as he rushed over to her, his heart stopping mid-beat as the fallen beauty lay on the floor.
“Doc!” John screamed as he rushed over to her, his heart stopping mid-beat as the fallen beauty lay on the floor. He cradled her head in his hands and Marlena’s eyes fluttered as she turned her head. She opened her eyes and they locked on John’s concerned blue ones.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly.
“Yeah. I’m fine. I . . . . I just forgot to eat breakfast this morning,” Marlena said standing up. Her legs were wobbly and she had to hang onto John’s arm to not fall back onto the floor. He helped her to sit down next to him behind the table.
The judge looked down from his seat. “Why don’t we recess a little early for lunch. Court is adjourned and will reconvene at 2 o’clock,” he said and rapped the gravel. The bailiff who was standing above John and Marlena walked on and the people filed out of the courtroom. When they were alone, Marlena got up to leave. John stood up behind her.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I testified. It sounded good. I told you that you wouldn’t have to see me anymore after that. So you don’t. I’m going home,” she said. John planted his feet between Marlena and the door.
“Can we talk?”
“I think all the necessary screaming was done last night and frankly, I don’t think I would be able to handle doing that again,”
“Doc, I’m sorry. Come on, can we talk? Please?”
Marlena looked at her watch. “My plane leaves at 3. You have until 2,”
***
“So, you’re going to run home?” John asked breaking the unbearable silence around them. They sat at a booth, facing each other, in a cafe across the street from the courthouse. Marlena looked down at her glass of water and stirred the ice chips with her straw.
“I’m not running. I have classes, John. I might as well go to school while I still can,”
“What do you mean, ‘while you still can’? Why wouldn’t you be able to?”
“How do you expect me to go to school, do an internship and be a full time mother? Obviously it would be difficult so it’s easier to just drop the ones that can be dropped,”
“You won’t be alone, Doc. I’ll be there . . .”
“What if I don’t want you there?!” she asked loudly. A few stray people glanced her way and Marlena rested her head on her hand. “It seem to me that you made your view crystal clear last night.”
“Doc . . .” John started when a little girl screamed.
“Daddy!!!”
Nicky ran up to her father and Marlena, jumping on his lap. John smiled genuinely and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead.
“Hi honey! What are you doing here?”
“I had a half day of school and my baby-sitter got sick so Mommy had to come and pick me up,” she explained in seemingly one breath. She wriggled out of John’s grasp and walked over to Marlena, outstretching her arms. Marlena smiled and lifted the small child onto her lap.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Marlena whispered into the little girls ear. She giggled.
“Hi, Marlena. Can I sit with you and Daddy?”
“Nicky, sweetie, don’t bother your Daddy,” Shauna said coming up to the booth. Her red hair hung down and her black, pinstriped suit fit perfectly. Her green eyes glowed as she held her hand out for Nicky to take.
“She’s not bothering us, Shauna,” Marlena said.
“Of course she isn’t. Listen, considering half the courthouse is here and it would take half an hour for you to get a table anyway, why don’t you two just eat with us?” John suggested. Marlena’s eyes opened wide but Shauna smiled.
“You always were very thoughtful, John,” Shauna smiled and slid next to him. Marlena looked down at Nicky who sat next to her and smiled.
“Sweetheart, can you let me out for a minute, please?” Marlena asked. Nicky slid out of the booth and Marlena behind her.
“Doc?” John asked. Marlena looked back at him. “Where are you going?”
“To check flight schedules,” she muttered and walked into the back of the restaurant.
Marlena pushed the door open into the bathroom and sat down on the plush, floral sofa. She pulled the cellular phone and plane ticket from her purse and with shaking fingers, she dialed the 800 number for flight schedules.
***
“What’s the matter with Marlena?” Shauna asked.
“Nothing,”
“Where is she going?”
“Home.”
“Are you going with her?”
“No, I’m not,” John sighed. Shauna smiled.
“I see,” she said.
“I doubt that you do,” John muttered. Nicky looked up from coloring her paper place mat to look at her father.
“Daddy?” she asked softly. John looked down at his daughter and saw the mirror image of his eyes looking back at him. He nodded. “Where’s Marlena going?”
“She’s going home, sweetheart. To Colorado,”
“Are you going to go with her?”
“Not today, but I am soon,”
Tears welled up in Nicole’s eyes as she scrambled under the table, only to reemerge in between her father and mother. She wrapped her arms around her fathers neck and buried her head on his shoulder.
“I don’t want you to go, Daddy. I want you to stay here with me and Mommy,”
“Sweetie, as much as I want to be with you, I can’t stay in California. I’m sorry, honey,” John said softly, smoothing out her hair. Marlena appeared at the table, her eyes glossy with tears.
“Um, John?” she asked softly. He looked up and saw the pained expression on her face. “Can I talk to you for a second, please?”
John whispered something to Nicole who calmed down and crawled down. Shauna stood up to let John out. He stood next to Marlena and ushered her to the back of the cafe, out of Nicole’s eyesight, but inevitably, in the center of Shauna’s.
“Are you ok, Doc?”
“Yah, I’m fine. This is just harder than I thought. I have to go so I can get my stuff from the hotel before I miss my flight,”
“Don’t leave, Doc . . .”
“I can’t stay here, John. I can’t stay and see Shauna have this much control over you, I can’t stay here with all this stress and I can’t stay here . . . with you. I’m sorry,” she said as tears trickled down her cheeks. John tilted her head towards him.
“Listen to me, ok? I want you here and I need you here. Not for the courts or your testimony but for your strength, that you give me. You were right last night, Doc. When you called me selfish, egotistical, bastard you pretty much hit the nail on the head. But I’m scared too. I am absolutely terrified at the thought that I am going to be a father. I want to be with you, Marlena. Through everything. If you’ll let me. Because what scares me the *most* is what happens if you leave this restaurant. And if you get on that plane because if you do that, I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again. I don’t know if I’ll ever see this baby that we created grow up and I cannot, bare that, Marlena. I can’t handle you not being with me. I can’t *imagaine* you not being with me. Please, Doc. Please, don’t leave,” John pleaded.
John sat at the side of Marlena’s hospital bed, his eyes never leaving her face. The pallor was unbearable and she looked so weak and frail, it frightened him. He placed the back of his hand against her forehead.
“Sweetie, come on. You gotta wake up soon,” he whispered. He took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips.
***
They were standing in the back of the cafe. Marlena’s normally happy eyes were dark and glossy with tears. A stray tear fell down John’s face as he waited Marlena to say something, never guessing what would happen next.
“John . . .” Marlena started when it hit. Softly at first but growing more intense. The sharp, stabbing pain in the side of her abdomen. The pain caused her to loose her breath for a minute but she quickly regained it. John saw the pain in her eyes and placed his hands on her hips holding her up.
“Doc?” he asked softly trying to assess what was going on.
“John . . . something’s wrong,” Marlena said as she drew jagged breaths due to the force of the pain throbbing in her. As the agony became to much to handle, Marlena’s body went limp as she passed out into John’s arms.
***
A professional looking young woman knocked on the door and walked in. Her navy blue scrubs contrasted her pale skin and her thick brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. A gray name tag stuck on the pocket of the shirt read: Sandra Timberlake, LPN. She smiled softly at John and walked over to the end of the bed. Plucking the chart, she leafed through it and checked her watch to verify the times. After being satisfied, she walked up to Marlena and checked her vital signs. The girl recorded them in the chart and looked over at John.
“Mr. Black?” she asked cautiously. John looked up. Sandi put the chart back and the pen in her pocket. “The doctor will be in shortly, he wanted to talk to you.”
“Thank you,” John spoke and turned his attention back to Marlena. A wistful expression appeared on Sandi’s face as she smiled at how attuned John was before quietly walking out to finish her rounds.
A few minutes later, John noticed a change in Marlena’s breathing pattern. She drew in a deeper, longer breath and held it in a few seconds longer. John smiled and brought the chair closer to the bed, leaning over the railing.
“Doc?” he called. Marlena’s eyes fluttered but didn’t open. John placed his lips against hers and called again. “Marlena, it’s John. Wake up, honey.”
Marlena finally opened her hazel eyes and looked up at John. He smiled and got as close to her as possible while whispering sweet words into her ear. She brought her hands to his face and made him look at her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, salt water tears falling from her vibrant eyes.
“Shhh,” he whispered running his finger through her mangled locks. “It’s all right. I understand…”
“Well, I don’t… I don’t understand why we seemed to have it all at first and one by one everything seems to be falling apart. The only thing I have left is this baby…” Her eyes went wide and her hands moved onto her stomach. “John, did I…”
A smile spread across John’s face and his hands moved their way onto hers. He rubbed her slightly swollen stomach and kissed her hands. “Doc, you’re fine. The baby is in very fragile condition right now, but everything is okay.”
“Oh thank God,” she whispered, tears streaming down her cheek. “So, tell me, how is everyone else doing? How are things with the trial?”
John rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair. “The judge hasn’t decided yet. He said he’ll get back to Shauna and I as soon as he knows. I should have become a lawyer, I swear, I would never let women like Shauna Kaufman rule this world. Hmm what else … oh very interesting news…”
“Oooh,” Marlena’s hazel eyes lit up with excitement, “What is it?”
“Your sister and my short stop/best friend seem to have a slight romance heating up.”
Marlena laughed, rolling onto her side. “Sam and Derek?” John nodded his head and Marlena laughed again. “Wow, I guess the Evan’s girls are truly betraying our Rockies. We keep running to Yankee men.”
“We’re just better in the sack,” John laughed. Marlena rolled over in laughed, a slight scream suddenly coming form her mouth. “Doc, are you ok?” Her eyes went wide and her hands gripped onto her stomach.
“J…John, some…things wrong.”
“Oh no no no,” John whispered. “Hold on Doc, let me get a doctor.” John ran out of the room leaving Marlena to clutch her stomach in sheer pain and fear.
John sat in the hard, blue chair in the hospital waiting room. His hands fidgeted together and he exhaled loudly. He got up for the second time that hour and began pacing from the window, back to the chair, with the same thoughts running through his head. Why haven’t they said anything? What’s taking so long? Oh, God, is she okay? Finally, John stood now at the window looking down at the neatly kept courtyard.
“Mr. Black?” a voice from behind asked.
John turned around to face a small woman in a pair of green hospital gloves.
“Yes?” he asked hoarsely. Sadness glimmered in the doctors eyes as he motioned to two chairs together.
“My name is Dr. Natasha Kirker. I took care of Marlena,” she introduced herself. John sat down.
“How’s my fiancee?” John asked quickly cutting to the point.
“Marlena is okay. She’s very weak and going to be in a lot of pain. She is still sleeping from the anesthetic. And I’m sorry, but she lost the baby,” the doctor said quietly. John opened his mouth to say something but no words were found. Tears formed in his eyes and a sense of loss overtook his body. The doctor spoke quietly. “If you’d like I can show you to her room.”
John numbly stood up and allowed Dr. Kirker to escort him to Marlena’s new room. He stared at the fallen angel in the hospital bed and almost didn’t recognize her. Red lines were down her cheeks from the tears she had shed and her blonde hair was mangled across the snow white pillow. He walked cautiously forward, pulling a chair from the corner next to the bed and sitting a silent vigil.
Dr. Kirker watched for a moment by the doorway, before closing the door and walking to the nurses station. A tear rolled down her face, saddened by the worst part of her job.
***
Minutes turned into hours and John still sat silently. His mind and body had a million thoughts and emotions running through him and he had been crying for some time. Marlena groaned softly and grabbed John’s attention. Her eyes opened and John laid his head on the pillow next to her and reached out to cradle her face in his hand. She turned her head to face him and saw the tear stains on his face.
“John, I’m so sorry,” she whispered ever so softly. John nodded.
“Shhh, quiet. It’s okay, Doc. We’ll make it through this,” he assured her. Marlena nodded softly. “Are you okay?”
Marlena shook her head no and tears started falling again freely.
“Doc . . . .?”
“John, can you leave please?”
“Leave?” he asked. A feeling in his gut turned and he felt sick.
“Please, John. I need . . . . I need to grieve this by myself . . . . I . . . . . I need some time alone,” she said between sobs.
“No, honey, please don’t do this. I don’t want to leave. I never want to leave. I want to be here with you. I need you, Marlena. And you need me,” John pleaded taking her hand in his.
“No, John. Please, just leave me alone for a few days. If you love me, you’ll leave. Please,” she said.
“Days? Doc, why . . .”
“John! Leave me alone!” Marlena said more forcivly. John closed his eyes as hurt, guilt and loss consumed him yet again. Leaning forward, he gently kissed Marlena, who turned away from him.
“I love you, Marlena. Always and no matter what. You know where to call when you’re ready,” John said quietly before leaving the room with a heavy heart.
Marlena turned on her side away from the door and brought her knees up to her chest. Allowing the pain medication to take over, she fell to a fitful sleep.
***
John walked into the hotel room he and Marlean had shared. Everywhere he looked he was reminded of her. He threw some clothes in his suitcase and laid down on the bed holding a pillow, when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“May I speak to Mr. Black, please?”
“Speaking,”
“Mr. Black, this is Judge Goldberg,”
“Good evening, Judge. I hope you have some good news for me,” John said.
“Mr. Black, after reviewing the testimony from today’s session, I have decided to revoke your motion of sole custody for your daughter,”
“What? How . . . . why?”
“I believe that Nicole has a very stable family life right now where she is. If I were to allow you to have sole custody, she would be shipped from New York to Colorado. Not to mention, having to move schools and live with a man and a woman she’s known for a matter of days. I’m sorry, Mr. Black,”
“Yeah, right,” John said and hung up the phone.
Sitting up, he looked over the day in his mind. His fights with Marlena, her miscarriage and her asking him to leave. Now he didn’t even have any legal rights to see his own daughter. Anger replaced the pain as he flung the suitcase against the wall. Crying inevitably started again as he calmed down and thought of how to fix his life which was shattered, how to fit the pieces again to be whole and right.
Page 19 of 42
John trudged slowly up the steps to his New York apartment stopping for a second outside the door. He leaned his head against the cool wood of the frame and breathed deeply a few times, his heart feeling heavy and bonded in this body. Black bags settled themselves under his eyes and he rubbed them lightly while his other hand unlocked the door. The living room was dark, the only light showing was the glow of candles scattered around the room.
‘What the hell,’ John thought turning on the lights. His eyes adjusted to the light moving towards the couch where Sam and Derek were in a comprising position.
“Hey lovebirds, I turned the light on, stop playing horsey on my couch will ya?” John asked with a hint of bitterness in his voice.
Derek shot up, his abs tightened, a pair of black silk boxers fastened firmly on the lower portion of his body. “J… John, what… what are you doing here man,” he said grabbing the afghan that was draped on the other couch.
“Well, I live here, what about you? Sam, nice to you see you again…”
John looked at her body and winced in pain as he thought of his fiancee. She had flown back to Colorado the previous night, having been released from the hospital after a couple of long days there. They had the same physical character, their long flowing blonde hair, the most captivating hazel eyes, and a body that was to die for.
“You too…” Sam said looking behind him at the front door. “Where’s Marlena…”
John took a deep breath and sat down on the other couch. He leaned over putting his head in his hands, tears trickling down his cheeks and into his parted mouth and palm. Derek looked at John, then to Sam, giving each other worried glances and then moved to sit next to John.
“Hey Black, is everything all right?” John looked up, his eyes wet from salt water droplets, his cheeks streaked with dried tears and his eyes were scrunched together letting all the water flow freely from his crystal landmarks.
“Marlena and I… well there is no Marlena and I at the moment,” John said his eyes focusing on a picture of them taken at their college semi formal. Her golden locks were tied up halfway in curls, a long red dress shaping her slim body. John stood next to her, his lips on her neck, a smile relished on both their faces. They had been so carefree and happy then, the only pressures were of where to go on a date the next night or whose house Thanksgiving and Christmas would be spent at. It had all just been fun and games at first, until they entered the real world… a world of pain, loss, and unforgiveness.
“What happened,” Sam asked worried as she wrapped the blanket tighter around her, moving next to John and Derek. She sat on top of Derek’s lap and wiped away John’s tears, running her fingers over his face. John jerked away from her, leaving Sam confused. John looked over at her and smiled slightly.
“I’m sorry, your sister used to do the same thing to me…”
“John, what happened with you two…”
“More like what didn’t happen,” he said leaning up against up against the cool leather material of the couch. “I am seriously stuck in hell right now,” he whispered breathing in deeply. “When we got to California, we both spent time with Nicky. You guys, she is such a vibrant, energetic, forgiving little girl… and her and Marlena, well they got along *beautifully.* But after a day spent with her I found out Marlena was pregnant…”
“She did tell you,” Sam breathed, looking at John’s worn expression.
“You knew? Did you both know?” John asked incredulously. The guilty expression on both their faces gave John his answer. “Wow, do I feel like a fool now.”
“Don’t John, Marlena didn’t tell you because she didn’t want things to get more complicated when it came to Nicole’s case.”
“I know Sam, I know. But when we went to grab a bite to eat after the trial, to talk things out, she collapsed. We rushed her to the hospital but it was to late…” John stopped mid sentence letting his tears fall harder and faster. “She… she lost the baby…”
“Then why aren’t you with her,” Sam snapped suddenly thinking of her sister, all alone, in pain, and all her fiancee could do was sit and cry about it to *them* and not *with* her.
“You don’t think I want to be, Sam? You don’t think my body aches to hold her while she cries, that my heart would actually let her go without a fight… Samantha she kicked me out. She said she needed to be alone, *without* me. So not only did I lose my child, my fiancee, but I also got a call from the judge saying Shauna gets full custody of *my* daughter. I guess you could say I have nothing to live for anymore…”
Sam’s heart broke for him at that moment. She knew how stubborn her sister could be, she was the same exact way, and she knew she would have done the same thing if she was Marlena, but Sam finally realized that being stubborn wasn’t the way to live.
“Don’t say that John,” Sam said wrapping her arms around him. His body tensed and she moved back looking into his sky blue orbs. “I’m sorry, I know how much Marlena and I are alike… John, you have so much to live for…”
“Like what Sam? Honestly give me *one* thing….”
“My sister and you better believe I am going to whip her butt back into shape. I’m going to the airport and taking the next flight to Colorado.
I’ll get her back for you, I swear to that.” She got up and took her clothes that were strewn on the fall and threw them on. She walked over to Derek and John and kissed Derek’s lips lightly. “I’ll get her back to you, I swear…” Sam said hugging John and walking through the door.
***
Marlena sat on the sofa in her parents living room, a pair of oversized pink sweatpants barely hung on her. Two large psychiatry book sat open on the coffee table. She heard the front door open and close and footsteps entering the living room. Sam stood next to the couch, a Yankee’s duffle bag hung over her shoulder and her wool coat was covered in a light layer of snow.
“Hi,” she said quietly dropping the bag. Marlena looked up at her sister and felt tears start to form again for the umpteenth time that day. Sam sat next to her sister and wrapped her arms around her comfortingly. Marlena felt the tears falling again as she sobbed on her sisters shoulder.
“Sam,” Marlena said as she watched her sister throw a box of Margarita mix onto the couch and place the blender onto the living room table, “getting me drunk will not exactly cure a broken heart or make me forget I lost a child.”
“No, it can’t and I never said it could. But it could loosen you up and tonight, we are going to have a girl’s night.” A sly smile formed on Marlena’s lips and she glanced at Sam’s bag, laying next to the front door.
“Okay Sam, I have a question for you… that is definitely not your Yankee bag, nor is it John’s because I have his. So my darling sis, who’s bag is it?” Sam blushed and sat down next to her sister kicking her feet up onto the living room table.
“Well, he plays short stop…”
“You and Derek!” Marlena squealed, turning to face her sister. “Girl, give me details.”
Sam laughed, happy she could make Marlena forget about her problems, at least for a little while.
“Well, John said I can use his apartment while I went to audition for All My Children. One night Derek showed up looking for John… and one thing led to the next…”
“I can’t believe you guys had sex! Dad will kill us, we’re such traitors to the Rockies.”
“Screw the Rockies, Yankee men are hot!” Sam exclaimed, putting the blender on high speed. She watched as Marlena’s expression fell solemn and she handed her a drink. “Come on Marly, don’t even go there right now. When you’re ready, you and John will be together. He loves you, he’s not going to just forget about you. Sure he’s hurt… but so are you… and when you feel it’s right, you can grieve this together, but Marlena you didn’t lose him. From what I saw tonight, that man loves you more than anything in this entire world… now on that note baby, let’s drink some alcohol!” Marlena laughed and lifted her glass to Sam’s.
“To the best sister in the entire world… for getting me drunk in times of need.” The both doubled over in laugher and clicked their glasses together.
***
“So what’s up with you and Sam,” John yelled, swinging his bat gently into the dirt. The cold December winds blew around them at Yankee Stadium, the ball field deserted except for a couple of best friends and the lights surrounding the park. Derek threw a curve ball at John and he smacked the bat against it watching as the ball went into the stands.
“Well, I think we’re an item… I don’t know, but John she is *amazing.* She has this thing about her… I can’t seem to explain it, but God, thinking of her makes my heart melt.” John smiled and hit another ball, watching as it rolled past the third base line.
“Now you know how I feel about her sister. Damn it Derek, how did my life become such a complete mess.” Derek walked over to John throwing the ball into his baseball bag. “I had everything just a couple of days ago. I had a woman who loved me, a daughter, a baby on the way… now I have a woman who doesn’t want to see me, a daughter who I can’t have custody of, and my baby died… how the hell did all of this happen?”
“I’ll never understand the way the world works,” Derek said opening the locker room door. “But you know what I do understand? Everything happens for a reason. You went through years of training for this game and look where you turned out… you became a New York Yankee! John, Marlena didn’t kick you out because she didn’t want you there… she kicked you out because she doesn’t know what to do with herself. The world is crashing down on her too, you know. The bond between mother and child is so strong, even if the child was never born.”
“Jesus Derek, were you a woman in your past life,” John asked pulling a sweatshirt over his head.
Derek laughed throwing a towel at him. “You would think so wouldn’t you. But seriously, I grew up with four sisters, I know how a woman’s mind works. Give her time, and believe me, you’ll win her back.” John smiled and slapped his back.
“Jeter, you’re the best, even if you are a woman,” John joked shutting the lights down on Yankee Stadium.
Marlena awoke the next morning, her warm and flushed face laying on the cold blue tiles of her bathroom. Her head throbbed clouding her vision as she slowly and painfully sat up. Not having the energy, she let her head fall to the toilet. She was going to kill her sister, twin or not.
***
John paced anxiously in his living room as he had been for the past 20 minutes. Finally, there was a knock at the door. He ran over and opened it and Nicky leaped into his arms.
“Daddy!” she cried. John held her close and kissed her forehead.
“Hey sweetie. Ooo, I missed you!” he said picking her up with him. She wrapped her arms around her fathers neck and kissed his cheek before resting her head on his shoulder.
Shauna stood in the doorway with a suitcase. She placed it on the ground and held her arms out for her daughter.
“Come here, Nicky and say good-bye to Momma,” she said. Nicky scrambled down and hugged her mother.
“I love you, Mommy,” she smiled.
“I love you too, honey. John, thanks. I don’t know what to say, I appreciate this so much. Nicky would hate having to come with me to Canada and it would be a lot of waiting on her part. Not to mention a pretty crummy Christmas,” Shauna said. John nodded.
“More than happy to have my little girl with me. Have a safe trip,” he said. Shauna smiled and kissed her daughter one last time before leaving. Nicky walked back over to her father.
“So what ya wanna do, Daddy?” she asked anxiously.
“Well, I got you a movie if you want. Beauty and the Beast?” John asked. Nicky’s eyes lit up and John picked her up again and placed her on the couch playing the video.
The Disney theme played through the TV and as Nicky’s eyes stayed tuned to that, he picked up the wire bound notebook from the coffee table and looked over the list of last minute Christmas shopping to do. He saw the list of things he wanted to get for Marlena: a new pair of sneakers, a diamond star necklace he saw in Tiffany’s, a negligee…… Then he couldn’t read the words anymore, the salty tears clouded his vision.
I was makin my list
I was checkin it twice
In the middle of this, I got tears in my eyes
For in my foolish heart, there was one simple truth
The only gift I wanted was you
Marlena stood on a chair next to the Christmas tree putting the final ornaments up top. She adjusted the bright, white lights so it reflected the tinsel. Her sister was across the room, adding unknown liquors to the punch bowl. Marlena shook her head and giggled softly to herself. Christmas carols played softly from the radio as her parents rushed around to get everything ready for their annual Christmas party, which was always on the 23rd of December. Stepping down from the chair, after being completely satisfied with her efforts, she dropped the red ball she could simply not find a place for. Bending over to pick it up, she saw a gold wrapped present with a white bow and her name on it … in John’s handwriting. Looking over at her sister, she had an idea who had slipped the gift there. And she got thinking to John, in New York, alone, and her heart broke. She felt tears start to form in her eyes as she longed to see him.
I was trimming the tree
I was stringing the lights
While the radio played “Silent Night”
There were presents you sent
Though there were quite a few
The only gift I wanted was you
John was still watching Beauty and the Beast, or rather, watching his daughter happily munch on popcorn while she watched the cartoon. He looked at the black cordless phone on the wooden table. Picking it up, he dialed Marlena’s parent’s phone number, except the last digit. As he was about to punch it in, he sighed and put it back down. Leaning back, he glanced at the pictures of them from happier times. While he wondered, if they were still together, what the special holiday would be like, yet it nagged in his head, she wasn’t with him.
need to be home with me
Alone with me
Holding me next to the Christmas tree
Kissing under the mistletoe
As candles glow
Please come home soon
It’s not the same without you
Marlena kept her smile plastered on her face as she stood next to her sister. Her green dress had a swoop neck and a skirt that grazed her knees, while a line of dark green satin ribbon wrapped around the empire waist against the lighter green velvet. Friends of the family and relatives hugged her and offered their condolences as they parted after the party. Marlena felt pretty good about herself, she had only had to be excused once when her emotions became too much. But her parents and sister knew, it was a show. Her Godmother and Aunt, Gertrude stood before Marlena. The older woman wrapped her arms around her niece and hugged her close.
“You deserve only the best, my dear. It will work out, true love always does,”
“Thank you Aunt Gertrude. Merry Christmas,” Marlena smiled softly.
She asked to be excused and made a hasty retreat like a frightened child to the sliding glass door leading to the foyer in the television room. Leaning her head against the cold glass, she watched the snow drift up on piles and the stars shine in the sky. A streak of white flashed across the black backdrop. Marlena turned thoughtful at the shooting star and made her wish.
“I want John back with me for Christmas.”
As the bittersweet night had come to an end
I was saying good-bye to our family and friends
And they all wished me well
And I knew that I knew
The only gift I wanted was you
You need to be home with me
Alone with me
Holding me next to the Christmas tree
Kissing under the mistletoe
As candles glow
Please come home soon
It’s not the same without you
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la la la
Ohhhhh, Ohhhhh
The only gift I wanted was you
John tucked the blanket up to Nicole’s chin as she slept silently. The young child, even as little sensed something was wrong, and asked about Marlena. His heart broke as he made excuses, praying they WOULD be back together soon. Very soon. Creeping silently from the room, he picked up the telephone and called Derek.
“Yah?”
“Jeter, it’s John. What are you doing Christmas?” John asked anxiously.
“I’m going to Colorado, why? You going to see Marlena?”
“You know, I think that it would be really lonely here with just me and Nicky,” John grinned.
“And?” Derek asked waiting for him to continue.
“Hell, I don’t even have a Christmas tree. So, I do have these gifts I have to give Marlena . . .”
“I’ll be there at 7, you better be ready, Black,” Derek said and hung up the phone. He looked back down and nodded his head in satisfaction.
John on the other hand rushed into his bedroom and started packing hurriedly until he came across one of Marlena’s favorite dresses. Stopping, he calmed down and brought the dress to his nose inhaling the sweet scent wondering if Marlena was, possibly, thinking about him?
You need to be home with me
Alone with me
Holding me next to the Christmas tree
Kissing under the mistletoe
As candles glow
Please come home soon
It’s not the same without you
Marlena sat in the rickety old rocking chair in the sitting room in front of the gaily decorated tree. A scrap piece of paper sat in front of her as she double check that all of her gifts were under the tree and wrapped. In a corner of the paper, she had doodled John’s name in a heart with lines squiggling around it. At such a small thing, salty water gathered in her hazel eyes but she quickly wiped them away. Looking out the picture window, she saw the sun shining down and wondered if her wish from the star the night before would truly come true or not . . .
I was makin my list
I was checkin it twice
In the middle of this, I got tears in my eyes
For in my wishful heart, there was one simple truth
The only gift I wanted was you
For in my wishful heart, there was one simple truth
The only gift I wanted was you
When the bells on the front door jingled . . . .
Marlena turned around when she heard the bells on the front door jingle. ‘Please make it be John,’ she thought sending a silent prayer up to God and turned around. A fit figure walked through the door, hints of early light focussing on his face. As his features came more into focus, her heart broke silently. She got up and walked over to the visitor and wrapped her arms around him.
“Hi Mars,” he said stroking her hair. He felt as tears fell onto his shoulder and smiled shortly.
“Hey Derek,” she whispered, leaning back and looking into his deep brown eyes. He wiped a couple of her tears and she laughed wiping away the rest of them. “So, does Sam know you’re here?”
“No, actually I was planning on surprising her … she’s here right? No other guys upstairs?”
Marlena laughed and pointed towards the stairs. “Up the stairs, three doors on the right. And Jeter, Merry Christmas.” He smiled and kissed her cheek.
“Same to you Marlena, don’t worry, it’ll be a good one.” She smiled faintly and looked at the roaring fire in it’s home.
“I hope so, I really do…” She watched as Derek walked up the stairs quietly and a small smile appeared on her face, knowing her sister would have the time of her life. She was about to shut the door when the sound of a giggle outside got her attention. Before she could utter a word Nicole ran into her arms, knocking her on the floor.
“Marlena,” she squealed, wrapping her arms tightly around her soon to be step mother.
“Nick, how … how did you get here.”
“Hi Doc.” Marlena looked up at the door and saw John standing there, dressed warmly in a pair of jeans and a Yankee’s snow jacket. Tears fled from her eyes and an exuberant smile lit up her face.
“John …” Marlena whispered softly. He took Nicky off of Marlena and then helped her to her feet. The little girl outstretched her arms and Marlena picked her up and rested her on her hip.
“Daddy says we surprise you … are you surprised?”
“Oh, baby, I’m very surprised,” Marlena said as happy tears fell down her cheeks.
“Then why ya crying?” Nicky asked innocently.
“Because I’m so happy! I’ve missed you,” Marlena smiled and held the little girl close. John had stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He stood against the oak as Marlena talked to Nicky. Finally, she looked up and locked eyes.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi,” John replied. Marlena smiled a little and looked down at Nicole.
“You know what? I bet we have some cookies left over from the party the other night. How about we get you some so I can talk to your Daddy, okay?” Marlena asked. The child nodded her head enthusiastically. They walked into the kitchen and Marlena sat Nicky into a chair. After placing some cookies on a plate, pouring a glass of milk and putting some paper and crayons on the table, she kissed Nicky’s head and looked up at John who had followed them in.
“May I see you in the other room, please?” she asked. John nodded and looked at the floor while a million thoughts raced through his head.
‘Oh my God, how can of been so stupid to come here?! She doesn’t want us here. She meant it when she wanted me to leave ….’
They walked through the swinging door and Marlena led him over to sit on the sofa in front of the Christmas tree. They sat silent for a second when John finally started the explanations.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. I thought that maybe, you had been as miserable as I was without you and I wanted to see you so badly I didn’t think …” John said quickly but was cut off when Marlena placed a thin finger over his lips. He stopped talking.
“I don’t want to hear your explanations, John,” Marlena said smiling slightly.
“You don’t?” he asked raising an eyebrow. Marlena watched him and laughed inside of how her heart flip flopped when he did that.
“Nope,” she managed to say.
“Then why ….” John started again when he was again cut off by Marlena’s index finger on his lips.
“Did I ever tell you that you talk to much,” she asked softly, sliding closer on the couch to him. John smiled and nodded his head. Marlena laid down next to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
He pulled her closer and rested his head in her hair. Tears of happiness and thanks were again falling, this time from John’s eyes as he held her.
“I’ve missed you so much, honey,” John whispered.
“Not half as much as I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry for this, baby. I am soooooo sorry,” she cried softly into his shirt which had become wet with her tears.
“Shhhh, it’s okay, Doc. I promise it will be,” John said holding her close. Marlena nodded her head softly and calmed down a little.
“Nicky is with us for Christmas?” Marlena asked sitting up a little. John nodded and kissed her softly.
“Yup. Shauna’s idea too. She had a trip to make to Canada,” John explained playing contentedly with the blonde hair that lay on his chest.
“Good,” Marlena smiled and picked her head up to look at John. “Now, will you do me a favor?” John nodded. “Will you PLEASE, kiss me?”
Chuckling softly he held her face in his hands and kissed her with all the passion that had pent up in the last few weeks.
The snow fell gently outside and swirled in the mountain winds. The fire still blazed brightly and the Christmas tree smell filled the room while the lights reflected off the metal ornaments and tinsel. In addition, boughs of holly and garlands of cranberries were strewn around the room, mistletoe in every doorway and candles lit all around, the perfect atmosphere as John and Marlena kissed on the couch. They had kissed before, of course, but something was so different, so special about this one. It symbolized forgiveness, devotion and everlasting love.
John reluctantly let go and looked deep within Marlena’s eyes. Smiling, he traced the outline of her face with his thumb. The tears that had left had returned and gathered in his eyes.
“I love you, Doc.”
“I love you too, John,” Marlena replied and brought his face back down to hers, capturing his lips in hers.
“Daddy?” A tentative young voice asked. John chuckled and Marlena moved away a little, allowing room for Nicky to climb on the sofa between them.
“How is Santa gonna know where I am? I was good all year and now, he won’t be able to find me,” Nicky said sadly.
“Baby, trust me, Santa will be able to find you,” John said.
“How?” Nicky asked. John looked over Nicky’s head at Marlena begging for help. She laughed softly and looked at the small girl.
“Nicky, how do you think Santa watched you all year to make sure you were good? He can see you and he can see where you are. You’ll get your presents, don’t you worry. But, you have to go to bed, so that way, Christmas morning will come faster,” Marlena explained.
“I get it,” Nicky giggled, playing with the tassels on the throw pillow.
“Marlena, will you take me upstairs to bed.” John watched as tears started to form in Marlena’s hazel landmarks. He smiled at her stroking her hand with the tips of his fingers. She smiled back mouthing an ‘I love you’ to him.
“Of course sweetheart. But give your daddy a big hug first ok?” Nicole turned around to her father and smiled wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.
“Night night daddy. I love you.”
“I love you too, Princess,” he said kissing her forehead. Marlena lifted her in her arms and jogged up the stairs, John listening to the laughs of his little girl.
***
“So what do you want for Christmas,” Marlena asked helping Nicky brush her teeth. She put the toothbrush back in its holder and helped Nicole wash her hands.
“Hmm,” Nicky said grabbing Marlena’s hand as they exited the bathroom. “Let me think for a second.” Marlena laughed and turned the knob on the guest room door. The sound of laughter floated towards them and she looked at the bed and saw her sister and Derek engulfed in each others embrace and quickly shut the door.
“Who was in there?” Nicky asked innocently. Marlena stifled a laugh and took her into her bedroom. “My sister was in there with one of her friends. You’ll meet her tomorrow. And you know what? She looks exactly like me, isn’t that cool.”
“Yeah!” Nicky said excitedly. Marlena laid her carefully in bed and sat down next to her, kissing her forehead. “Goodnight angel. Daddy and I will see you tomorrow okay?”
“Okay.” Marlena moved to shut out the lights and was about to leave the room when Nicole’s voice stopped her.
“Marlena, I know what I want for Christmas now.”
“What’s that darling?”
“I want you and daddy to get married and I wanna have a little sister so I can play with them…” Tears sprouted from Marlena’s eyes and she thanked God the light was off in the room so Nicky couldn’t see her tears. She cleared her throat and composed her self somewhat.
“Me too sweetie, goodnight.”
“Night.” Marlena leaned up against the door frame and let her tears fall heavily from their home. Her hand moved to her stomach, where only days ago a human had been implanted. She walked down the stairs and sat on the couch moving into John’s arms. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and whispered softly into her ear. “Honey, what’s wrong… what happened, are you all right?”
She looked up into his blue eyes and felt as more tears slid down his face. His eyes showed such a high capacity of love and she winced at how loving he was. She moved up onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I was talking to Nick and she told me what she wanted for Christmas…”
“I know I know, she wants the Yankee Barbie doll. Geez, I mean I know her dad plays for the Yanks and all but Shauna has made her obsessed with them… well not that I’m complaining.” Marlena laughed and pecked at his neck.
“She told me she wanted us to get married…”
“So you had to cry? Why do I smell? They have stuff for that. I can cut my hair too, or, or…” Marlena laughed and hit his arm.
“Black shut up and let me finish will you? She told me she wanted us to get married and have a baby sister for her… and having to remember that I almost did have that wish for her… and now it’s gone. John, I loved that child so much, because it was created by *us.* You were the first man I loved, you carried me through tough times, were my light through a dark tunnel, all the stars in my sky… being pregnant with your child made me so incredibly happy…I pushed you away not because I didn’t want you with me because I did, I did more than anything in this entire world… but I felt so guilty, that looking you in the eye hurt me because I lost something that belonged to *us.*” Her tears fled down endlessly and John smiled through his own tears wiping hers away.
“Sweetheart,” he whispered, running his fingers through her silky hair. “You have *no* reason to feel guilty. What happened… I blame myself for. I put so much pressure and stress onto you… God how could I have been angry you kept this from me? You had every reason to, you did it to protect me. As I look back on it, I hate myself. You lost that baby because of everything I put on you, I am so sorry, I am so, so sorry Marlena.”
“Listen to me okay?” she asked turning his head so his eyes gazed into hers. Both sets were glazed over in salt water tears, an immense amount of love shining in both of them. “I don’t blame you for what happened. If we blame ourselves, we can’t grieve the loss of our child. I will always have regrets about what happened and I’m sure you will as well and we should talk about how we feel, but we can’t change things… so we can only move on,” she said strongly, fingering the engagement ring on her finger.
“You’re such a shrink, you know that, “John laughed.
“I know,” Marlena smiled. “It’s my job. John… I have a question…”
“And what’s that?”
“I want to have a baby with you. Not just for Nicky, but for me, for you, for us. What do you say? It may be to soon and I know that but..” She was silenced by John’s index finger on her lip.
“I’d love to have a baby with you. I love you Doc. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas,” she replied kissing his lips as he laid her out on the couch, the clock striking the beginning of Christmas.
“Marlena! Daddy! Wake up! Look!!!” Nicky said excitedly. Christmas morning was up and ready. The youngest had run downstairs early the next morning to see the bottom of the tree filled with presents where nothing but air had been there before. Marlena stretched against John as he hung onto her so he didn’t fall onto the floor. The couch had made a nice bed in such a pinch. Not wanting to be near Sam or Derek, Nicky being in Marlena’s room, and all other beds being occupied, they had retired to the couch. But not before carefully removing all the presents from the hall closet and placing them under the tree.
“Daddy! Come on! Wake up!” Nicky continued insistently pulling on his arm.
“Okay, princess . . . you win. I’m up,” John muttered sitting up with Marlena.
“What’s all the commotion?” Frank Evans asked walking down the stairs, his wife close behind. Halfway down, they looked through the doors and saw the dark brown haired girl in Yankees pajamas standing next to the sofa which had a pale, graceful arm draped over it. Marlena’s eyes opened wide at the sound of her fathers voice and she sat up even more. Nicky looked scared at the stranger and quickly hopped on the sofa with her father and Marlena. “Well?”
“Merry Christmas, Daddy,” Marlena smiled sweetly. The elder Evans reached the bottom of the stairs and walked into the living room. John held Marlena, who held Nicky, on the couch.
“Same to you, sweetheart,” Frank said smiling fondly. His smile turned back into a frown as he looked at John. “What are you doing here?”
“Wishing my fiancee a merry Christmas,” John said.
“Are you?” Frank asked challenging John to say another word. The silence was broken by Sam walking down the stairs, Derek close behind.
“Merry Christmas . . . . JOHN! You made it!” Sam exclaimed upon seeing her sister’s boyfriend in the living room.
“Hi Sam,” John grinned. Nicky tugged at her fathers sleeve a little frightened by the crowd of strangers. Marlena and John both sat up and John lifted Nicky onto his lap.
“Sam, Martha, Frank … this is my daughter, Nicole. Nicky, these are Marlena’s parents and Samantha, Marlena’s sister,” John said pointing them out. She nodded shyly and Marlena wrapped her arm around her.
“Why don’t we get dressed so we can eat and then you can open your presents, okay, sweetie?” Marlena suggested. Nicky said “Okay” in a very small voice and wrapped her arms around Marlena’s neck. John kissed them each before Marlena brought them upstairs.
“Um, Daddy?” Sam asked softly.
“Yes?”
“This is Derek. Derek, my parents,” Sam introduced shortly. Frank turned towards the man, his arm draped around his daughter. He looked at his Yankee sweatpants and laughed extending his hand.
“I see we have another Yankee player abducting my daughter. Geez, I thought I taught my girls Rockies all the way,” Frank laughed.
“We’re charming sir, what can I say.”
“Please call me Frank.” Frank looked towards John and saw that his eyes were adverted towards the floor. “So John you decided to come back after ditching my daughter huh?”
“Daddy, he did nothing of the sort,” Marlena said walking down the stairs. A black dress was illuminated on her body, her curves accented by the dress, a small stomach still shown from her pregnancy. “*I* told John to leave me, *I* kicked him out, and *he* came back to me. So please don’t blame John for something he didn’t do,” Marlena replied coming to the couch and wrapping her arm around her fiancee.
“Marlena, that still does not attest for him leaving,” Frank countered.
Nicky slowly came down the stairs, listening carefully to the adults conversation. Her black overall dress and Yankees turtleneck was the closest compromise she could get. She had a bell hanging from her neck jingled drawing John’s attention. He looked at her from the sofa and smiled. Raising from the couch he walked over to the stairs and lifted her into the air. She squealed in delight as he placed her on his shoulder. As John settled her down, she ran over to Derek and Sam who were playing with a few strands of tinsel that were loose on the tree. John glanced back at Frank and took his eyes in his own.
“Frank, if you want to disapprove of me, then you may do that. I already regret a lot of what has happened in the past weeks but please do not under any circumstance speak wrong of me in front of my child. I love her more than anything in this world, besides your daughter, so please … you understand what it’s like to have and raise a daughter and you sure wouldn’t want someone to speak bad of you in front of Marlena and Sam, so please honor my wishes and don’t speak bad of me in front of Nicole.” With that John walked towards the tree and threw Nicky over his shoulders, tickling her stomach.
Later that morning, Marlena watched as John and Derek played with Nicole. John had given her an electronic baseball game and the three of them sat on the couch being a little to enthusiastic in Marlena’s opinion. She smiled through tears at what an amazing father he was, and was startled when a hand rested on her shoulder. Frank looked down upon his daughter with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Marbie, may I see you in the dining room, please?”
Marlena winced at her childhood pet name but nodded and followed her father into the formal dining room. Plates, napkins, forks, knives and glasses were in the center of the table and Marlena picked them up as her father spoke.
“Marlena, what is John doing here? With his daughter nonetheless?”
“He came to see me, Daddy. Which is good because I *wanted* him to come to me. I’ve missed him,”
“I have not approved of him from the beginning. The only reason I allowed him to stay here in the first place was because he made you so happy. That’s what I want for you, pumpkin. I want you to be happy,” he said approaching Marlena and tilted her head to meet her eyes, exact replicas of her mothers.
“John makes me happy, Daddy,” Marlena said softly looking down to folding napkins again.
“Not recently. No, I do believe that you came here, utterly alone and depressed, not to mention grieving. Where was he then? New York. When he found out that he had a 4 year old daughter . . . “
“She’s 6, Daddy. And she has a name,”
“That’s not the point, Marlena! You came back here and *he* stayed in New York. If something comes up, how do you know that he won’t leave you again, this time for good?”
“Because I know that he *does* love me and that is never going to fade away and it’s never going to die. We both know that we belong together, Dad. We’ve just had some problems lately. I think, when I graduate and when John’s contract is up, we’ll have a nice, *normal* marriage. We’ve put too much effort and time into this relationship to let it slip away. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I’m not sure that I do,” Frank said placing a glass above the plates his daughter had set on the table as she had talked.
“I’m saying that John and I are getting married in May. We’re going to live in our house, and have a family, and just be happy. I love him, Dad. If you approve or not, I always have and I always will. Do you remember when I had graduated high school and we had that talk on finding true love in college, dso you even remember what you told me?”
Frank looked down at his hands and started to play with the wedding ring that laid there. “I told you that no matter who you found in college, I wouldn’t like because they were taking my baby girl away, just like your mother’s father never liked me. But Marlena…”
“But Marlena, nothing, daddy. I will admit John and I have had our ups and downs but you know what? If John and I did split up, I would never love anybody as much as I love him and I would regret breaking up with him for the rest of my life. If you don’t want to approve or accept John and I, then there is nothing I can do to make you accept it. But I love him… and I love that little girl in there more than anything, believe it or not.” She gave her father one more longing look and walked out into the dining room, tears falling from her eyes.
***
John watched as his fiancee walked in and saw the tears masquerading down her face. He whispered something to Derek and kissed the top of his daughter’s head walking over to Marlena.
“Sweetheart are you all right?” he asked sitting down next to her, stroking her blonde hair. She looked into his blue eyes and her heart melted from his gaze. She wiped her tears and smiled, running her fingers through his hair.
“Yeah, I’m fine. So Nicky seems to love that baseball thingamajig you got her,” Marlena laughed looking at Nicky and Derek, who were deep in concentration.
“Yeah she does. And I have one more present for you, stay here…” Marlena watched as John ran into the kitchen, emerging a minute later. “This is for you,” he said handing her an envolope. She gave him a confused look and tore into the envolope taking out a contract.
“What is this?”
“Read it.”
“This contract states John Black will be traded to the Colorado Rockies for the season of 2000.” She looked up at John her hazel eyes wide. “I can’t let you do this…” she whispered ripping up the contract.
Crystal clear tears formed in her darkened hazel eyes. She looked longingly at John who was at a loss of words. Marlena was about to turn away when John reached his arms out to grasp hers. “Doc?”
“Why would you do this, John? Without even mentioning it to me first? It’s a little ironic you were traded HERE,”
“You’re right. I asked to be traded here. The Rockies said they’d be glad to have me. I thought you’d be happy, baby,”
“Why on EARTH would you want to go from the number one team to the last in America?!”
“Because Colorado has some things that New York doesn’t,” John answered.
“What’s that? Prettier cheerleaders?”
“Marlena, for the last time, baseball does NOT have cheerleaders, we have mascots. And YOU’RE here, Doc. You’re not in New York or China or Timbuktu, you’re from 109 Willow Drive, Boulder, Colorado,”
“But I can go to New York, John,”
“How many times did you come last season? Four? Honey, I can’t do that again. I was miserable and besides the point, my playing suffered from that,”
“Do you think you’re going to see me much more? Even if you’re here?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you’re still going to be gone a lot! Practices, away games. Not to mention I start my residency this summer so I’ll be at the hospital more than home.”
“Doc, I don’t care! I don’t want to spend another season away from you. Period.”
“Damn it, John! I don’t want to be away from you either but we have to be reasonable here.”
“I AM being reasonable. YOU’RE not,” John said loudly.
Marlena was about to reply when a large man stepped out of the shadows.
Both John and Marlena knew at the point that he had been there for the whole conversation.
“Marlena, John, dinner is ready,” Frank said shortly. He stood there for a few seconds and turned on his heel to leave. When John and Marlena didn’t move, he turned his torso around to see them. “Are you coming or are you going to stand in the foyer and argue the rest of the evening?”
“We’ll be right there, Daddy,” Marlena said softly. Frank nodded and left.
“This isn’t over yet,”
“Us or the conversation?” Marlena asked softly under her breath.
John heard her and his heart broke silently. Tears were again in Marlena’s eyes when she felt a small armed wrapped around her leg. She looked down to see Nicky’s blue eyes gazing up at her. She wiped her tears and picked up Nicole.
“Hey little darling, how about we go eat some dinner and then we can play in the snow for a little.” A bright smile appeared on Nicky’s face and she kissed Marlena’s cheek. “I guess that’s a yes,” Marlena laughed and took Nicky into the dining room, leaving John to watch.
***
A gold candelabra sat in the middle of the table, the white candles lit casting a warm glow over the crystal lids of dinner. Frank sat at one head of the table, Martha at the other. John and Marlena sat tensely, Nicole between them, while Sam and Derek were on the other side. Marlena glanced over at John, feeling her tear ducts start to brim over.
“So Sami,” Frank asked, looking at his eldest daughter. “How did you and Derek meet?”
“At John’s apartment, we just spent a lot of time together there…”
“Well, at least someone fell in love there,” Marlena mumbled.
“Would you stop,” John shot back. “We had some amazing times there…”
“Oh and now what? Give up the apartment to move back to good old Colorado. God, you are so stubborn!”
“I’m stubborn? I did this for *you.*” The rest of the family watched as they quarreled with each other and small tears fell from Nicky’s eyes.
“Guys, stop,” Sam said biting her words. “There’s a little girl here.” Both John and Marlena glanced at Nicole, the tears running down her soft cheeks. She used her legs to pull her chair out and ran up the stairs, her sobs still heard in the dining room.
“Damn it,” John muttered. “I’ll be right back.”
“Let me go John.” John nodded and watched as Marlena ran up the stairs after his daughter.
***
“Nicky?” Marlena asked softly knocking on her bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“I guess,” Nicky muttered. Marlena walked in the room and saw Nicky laying on her bed, hugging Marlena’s favorite pillow. She sat down next to her and ran her fingers through her silky black hair. It amazed her how much she looked like John.
‘Would our baby look like this,’ Marlena wondered, feeling as the tears started to fall. She wiped them quickly and looked into Nicole’s crystal blue eyes.
“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Nicole looked up with her big blue eyes and started to play with the ruffles on the blanket.
“Why do you and Daddy keep fighting? Do you not love each other?”
Marlena’s heart broke for the little girl in front of her and lifted her onto her lap. She nuzzled her nose in her hair and smelled the sweet smell of lilacs. “Sweetie, your Daddy and I love each other very much … it’s just that … well we’ve just had some differences lately. But I love him very much and he loves me.”
“What about my mommy?”
“What about her?”
“Why doesn’t Daddy get along with her … did she do something wrong?” Marlena inhaled and though of what to say to her. She looked out the window as the soft snow started to parade around the border of the windows.
“Honey, some things in life are just complicated. Your Daddy loves you more than anything in this world…”
“I think he loves you more,” she replied seriously.
“Nick, that’s not true. Your daddy does love me a lot but you know who he loves most in this world?”
“Mickey Mantle,” Nicky joked. Marlena laughed and kissed the top of her head.
“You…”
“That I do.” Nicky and Marlena looked up to see John standing at the doorway, a few tears brimming in his eyes. Marlena looked into his sky blue eyes and smiled through her own tears.
“Daddy,” Nicky shouted, scrambling off the bed and into her father’s arms. John lifted her up kissing her forehead.
“Hey little Princess, how you doing?” John’s eyes moved towards Marlena and watched as small tears cornered her eyes. His heart broke as he watched her tear and he looked back at his daughter, who could miraculously make him smile no matter what the circumstance.
“I’m tired. Can you and Marlena read to me before I go to sleepy,” Nicky asked nuzzling her nose into John’s neck. They looked at each other and Marlena smiled at Nicole.
“Of course, sweetie. Let’s tuck you in first and I promise I’ll save you some of Aunt Samantha’s chocolate cake, ok? I’ll even let you eat it for breakfast,” Marlena whispered taking her from John’s arms and threw her against the pillows as Nicky laughed joyfully. “Do we have a deal munchkin?”
“We have a deal,” Nicky giggled.
“What deal is that?”
Marlena and Nicky looked at each other and in unison said, “Nothing.”
“Women,” John muttered.
“Men,” Marlena muttered back. She looked back at Nicole and kissed the top of her head. “Ok Nick, what story do you want to hear? We have Goodnight Moon … and Goodnight Moon,” Marlena laughed.
“Can you make up a story? I’m too old for Goodnight Moon,” Nicky said matter-of- factly.
John laughed and laid down next to her as Marlena moved on her other side. “Sure,” John started looking at Marlena for inspiration. His heart began to race and he smiled at her biting down on his lower lip. “There was this Princess, who was the most beautiful princess in all the land. Her Daddy always used to say she was like the sun … she was vibrant, beautiful, and her golden hair gleamed like the sun, her eyes dancing glorious images like the nights sky. And one day, along came this prince. He was pretty stubborn, but the princess saw something in him that others didn’t … she saw his lighter side, the side looking for love, the side he had tried to keep hidden away for years. And with one word to the prince, the princess made him fall head over heels in love with her. Her hazel eyes shone with compassion and respect, but most importantly they shone with love. As days turned into months, and months turned into years, the prince fell harder for the Princess until one day they finally decided to marry and become the King and Queen of the land. But the Prince messed up … he began to do things for his own selfish reasons, reasons he claimed was for the princess but deep down he knew he was doing to it hold onto her…” John drifted, looking more towards Marlena than his daughter.
Marlena looked towards Nicole and saw her eyes closed, her small body breathing evenly in the king size bed. “The princess did things for her own selfish reasons as well,” Marlena admitted, looking into John’s baby blues. “She became selfish and didn’t want to admit when she was wrong… I’m sorry John,” she whispered, feeling as warm tears melted in her mouth. “I love you.”
John got off the bed and walked around to Marlena side, lifting her off the bed. The stood in front of each other, their eyes burning into one another. “I love you too, Doc. I’m sorry also. I love you, I love you, I love you…” He kissed her lips thoroughly, tracing the tears with his fingers as they melted into each others embrace. As they get lost in each other’s arms, Nicky opened one of her blue eyes and smiled at the sight in front of her. She rolled over and closed her eyes, thanking Santa for making her Christmas wish come true.
***
Sam watched as the moonlight danced on the border of her window, the trees swaying endlessly in the cold December winds. She laid in bed, Derek’s arms wrapped tightly around her. He played with the wisps of blonde hair that fell from her loose ponytail and tickled her neck with his fingers.
“You okay?” he asked ceasing the deadness in the room.
“John and Marlena seemed so tense at dinner. Their arguing, the tension, it all seemed so horrible,” Sam replied quietly, not breaking her glance with the outside world. “What if they can’t survive it. I know I’ve only known John for a short time but I’ve grown to love him like a brother,” she said turning to look into Derek’s deep chocolate eyes.
“They’ll survive it, Sam. They always do … look at everything they’ve been through already? A little fight about where he plays baseball won’t affect them, I bet they already made up.”
“But what if they decide it’s to much already. Ever since John got drafted to the Yankees, they just keep fighting. What if something so little like this, can tear apart what they have for good?” Sam whispered, tears falling from her hazel eyes. Derek’s heart broke for the woman who had suddenly captured his heart. “But you know what I’m most afraid of,” she said barely audible.
“What’s that?”
“I’m scared that our relationship would come to this. I mean I know we aren’t as close as John and Marlena are but what if we become as close and then you have to go back to New York and I have to go to LA for a soap opera. I know I’m over reacting but…”
“You’re not,” Derek reacted quietly. “Sam, I need to tell you something…” he looked past her shoulders as a light snow started to fall. Flurries stuck to the window, setting the perfect mood for romance. He breathed in deep twice and exhaled running his fingers through her hair.
“What is it?”
“I think… I think I am falling in love with you. I know I haven’t known you long but I still feel this unbelievable sense when I am around you and…”
Sam laughed and placed her index finger over his lip. “I love you too,” she whispered, kissing him gently. He laid her back on the covers and kissed her body tenderly.
John closed the door silently to Nicole’s room and watched as Marlena gazed out the window staring up into the cloudy heavens, the soft rustling of the trees could be heard inside the warm spacious house. John stood behind Marlena, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. She inhaled his scent and leaned up against him closing her eyes.
“I know it’s cloudy out, but there is something out there that is just so peaceful, so alluring … something that makes me want to just sit on the porch and watch the snow fall,” Marlena whispered.
“So let’s do it,” John replied spinning her around.
“Yeah right, it’s freezing out there.”
“So I’ll keep you warm. Let’s go..” Before Marlena could protest, John grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the front door.
***
Marlena sat on John’s lap, her knees drawn up and a large wool blanket wrapped around her. The snow fell steadily and the outline of the moon could be seen behind the dark gray clouds. Aside from the falling of clean white flakes and the simple breathing of two people, the environment was totally still and quiet.
“Aren’t you cold?” Marlena asked snuggling to John and his Yankees snow jacket. He held her closer and kissed the back of her head.
“Nope. Can’t be when I’ve got a hot lady here with me,”
“Ooo, smooth one, Black,” Marlena smiled softly while John chuckled.
“Honey, I think we should go inside,” she said softly twining her fingers with his.
“Why?” John asked. Marlena shrugged, not really having a valid reason.
John lifted her up in his arms and placed her feet on the ground.
She walked towards the door, her back to John. He took that opportunity to gather some of the fresh fallen, ice cold snow off of the porch railing and into his gloved hand. Marlena’s head whipped back when the snowball broke on her back.
“Oh, you have NO idea what you’re asking for, buster,” Marlena threatened.
“I don’t?” John dared, grinning as he rolled another snowball, this time hitting her arm. Marlena dropped the blanket and rushed into the snow, picking up a handful on the way. She threw it and hit John on his thigh. He then got off the porch and they continued throwing snow at each other, laughing loudly.
Sam heard the laughter outside, curiously sounding like her sisters, and saw a snowball come up and hit the window, leaving behind bit of wet snow. She looked over at Derek who was wide awake and smiled. Pulling the sheet from the bed and wrapping it around her, Samantha raced to the bay window and knelt on the window seat to see John and Marlena in the snow covered lawn. Derek put on a pair of sweatpants, joined Sam at the window and watched his best friend grab Marlena’s jacket and pull her onto the ground, and him falling next to her. Derek put his arm around Sam and pulled her close.
“Come on, honey. Back to bed,” Derek said pulling Sam away from the window.
***
Frank rolled over in bed and heard the laughter outside. He got out of bed, making sure not to wake his wife and moved to the window watching as his youngest daughter threw snowballs at her fiancee. He closed his eyes and listened to her laughter. It always reminded him of the bells on Christmas, so beautiful, so strong…
“Frank?” Martha said getting out of bed. She moved to her husband and sat down on window couch, patting her hand on the spot next to her. He sat next to her, his gaze never leaving the outside tableau.
“They should know they are disrupting the neighbors,” Frank said bitterly.
“First of all, there are no neighbors for miles and second of all what is wrong with you? Don’t you finally see she is happy? Isn’t that what you always wanted for your daughter? He loves her Frank and I don’t understand why you are too blind to see it. Frank, *Sam* likes him! And I trust Sam’s taste. Remember when Marly dated that guy Rick in high school? Samantha said from the beginning that he was dirt and he turned out to be a lying cheat who broke Marlena’s heart. Sam knows what she’s talking about and she *adores* John.”
“The situation is completely different,” Frank reasoned.
“Is it? Or are you too stubborn for your daughter to be happy?” Martha challenged him.
“I’m am not stubborn,” he shot back. “That man has hurt our daughter more times than I can count. He wants her, he leaves her, he wants her, he leaves her … all she ever does anymore is cry and I will not have my Marbie hurt like that anymore. Sure, she is happy now, but what happens next week when something else happens? How am *I* being stubborn?”
“Damn it Frank, Marlena isn’t five anymore! She isn’t 10, and she’s not 15. She’s 23, she can make her own decisions and you know what? Whether you think John loves her or not isn’t the issue here and it never was *and* it never will be. It’s Marlena’s! And she loves that man outside more than anything in her lifetime…and you need to stop being so bullheaded and accept this … except him or else you will lose your daughter and I can guarantee that as a fact.”
Martha noticed the small tears in the corners of his eyes and her heart broke silently for him. “Sweetheart, I am sorry. But you just need to accept the fact that John Black is not a bad guy … and that he never was.” Martha watched through the window as Derek and Sam joined the fun outside. A smile formed on her lips and she grabbed Frank’s hand.
“Come on.”
“Where are we going?” he questioned.
“To have some fun!”
***
“This,” Marlena said juggling a snow ball between two of her white ridden gloves,” is for walking in on me and John your first night home. You always did have the best timing twinny dearest,” Marlena laughed chucking the snow ball at her sister.
“Yeah well, your fiancee did the same thing to me and Derek, so ha,” Sam laughed.
Marlena was about to make a wise remark when she saw the kitchen door open to reveal her parents. Her eyes burned into her father’s and she saw the tears that still remained in the corners of his hazel orbs. “I’ll be right back,” she whispered in John’s ear and he nodded and he looked over at his future father in law. Martha moved towards the yard as Frank stayed still watching as his daughter walked to him. She strode into his arms and inhaled his smell … the smell that used to take all her worries away when she was younger, that could make her smile when she was down…
“I love you, Daddy,” she whispered, tears flowing down her angelic cheeks.
“I love you too pumpkin. And I am so sorry… I love you…”
Page 28 of 42
John watched the touching scene between Marlena and her father, and he chuckled aloud when Frank took a handful of snow and dropped it down the inside of Marlena’s jacket. Martha smiled and sat down on the rustic porch swing, while Derek placed his arm around Sam’s shoulders.
“See?” he asked.
“See, what? Daddy is excepting John….. again….. finally,”
“Exactly. You were wrong,” Derek smiled.
“Wrong about what?”
“John and Marlena having to run off the Las Vegas to get married. They won’t need to now,”
Sam watched as her father and Marlena teamed up against John who was trying desperately not to be hit by the nonstop flow of snow. “Doesn’t mean they still won’t.”
***
John and Marlena were the last ones inside. In the back of the house in the mud room, next to the kitchen, they shook the snow out of their outer clothing.
“I don’t think I have ever been this cold!” Marlena said. John stood behind her and helped her take her coat off.
“I know how to warm you up,” he whispered in her ear. She turned around to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“You do?” she smiled.
“Yup,” John grinned leaning down, only to whisper in her ear. “Do you have a hair dryer?”
“You!” Marlena laughed playfully slapping his shoulder. A small voice caught their attention and they both turned to see Nicky in the doorway to the kitchen.
“Hey there, sweetheart. What are you doing up?” John asked gently kneeling down to her level. Silently, the little girl walked into John’s arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. He picked his daughter up and over her shoulder looked at Marlena confused.
She placed one arm around John and the other around Nicky. “Honey, wanna tell us what’s the matter?”
“My tummy hurts,” she said softy.
“A tummy ache, huh? Ok, well, why doesn’t Daddy lay down with you for a little while and he can read you a story, see if you fall back asleep?” Marlena suggested softly. Nicky looked up at her with her big blue eyes.
“Can you lay down with me too? I like it when you and Daddy tell me stories,”
“Well, I’m going to take a really quick shower and then I’ll lay down with you, ok?” Marlena smiled. Nicky nodded and rested her head back down. John went ahead and brought Nicky back to Marlena’s room while she removed the rest of her wet clothes. Running up the stairs, she entered the guest room and laughed as she remembered that her parents had removed the large bed to replace it with a small twin. Shaking her head, she walked over the bed and sat down, chuckling at the thought of having to share such a small bed with John.
‘Oh, this is going to be interesting . . .’
***
Nicky was curled into a tight ball, her face a soft pink. John looked down on her with compassion, moving the damp bangs off of her forehead. Marlena walked quietly into the room in a pair of John’s flannel pajama pants and a plain white tee-shirt. Kneeling down next to Nicky, John stopped reading. Marlena took note of her coloring and the tiny bit of perspiration on her angelic face.
“John, can you get me the thermometer out of the bathroom for me, please?” Marlena asked, concern crossing her face. “Honey, how bad is your tummy ache?”
“Really bad,” Nicky said quietly. Marlena took a deep breath fearing the worse.
“Think you can lie on your back for a minute for me?”
Nicky turned over onto her back. Marlena lifted the blue tee-shirt up a little to reveal the small child’s abdomen. Placing her hands over her belly button without any pressure, she looked Nicky in the eye. “Tell me if this hurts, okay?” She pressed slightly and moved a little to the right. Nicky made a cry of pain and tears began to form in her eyes. Marlena’s own eyes went wide. John came back with the thermometer. Marlena shook her head.
“John, do you have your appendix?”
John chuckled not knowing the seriousness of her question. “Last I checked. Want me to ask it if it’s in there?”
“I’m not joking. Does Shauna?”
“No, she had it removed when we were kids because she had . . . appendicitis,” John said finally realizing.
“We have to go to the hospital . . . now!”
“You have to take care of her,” John said, as doctors rolled his daughter into the OR. Small tears formed in the corner of his grogeous blue eyes and his body was shaking as he watched his daughter… she was so small on the gurney, tears falling endlessly, her cries sounding throughout the whole ER.
“John,” Marlena said, guiding him to the thick plastic orange chairs in the wating room, “The doctors will take care of her, it;s only her appendix, don’t worry, ok?”
“How can I be okay? I mean I know appendicitis can’t kill her, I was there when Shauna got her’s out, but she is my daughter Doc. She’s a part of me, and no matter how stupid this sounds when she is in pain, I am as well.” He put his face in his hands and Marlena leaned over to kiss the top of his head.
“I’m sorry,”Marlena whispered.
“It’s not your fault,” John said lifting his head to smile at her. “Listen, with all this comotion I totally forgot to call Shauna. She needs to know about Nicky.”
“Do you want me to call her?”
“No I got it, thanks,” he said getting up taking his cell phone out of his back pocket.
John took the number Shauna gave him to reach her in case of emergency out of his walet and dialed the digits into her cellphone.
“Hello?” a groggy, unfamiliar female voice asked.
“Shauna?”
“Shauna’s in the shower, who’s this?”
“John Black, who the hell is this?”
“Nicky’s father?”
“Yes this is Nicky’s father. And right now Nicky is in emergency surgery. Now I don’t know who the hell you are or why you’re with Shauna, nor do I wanna know, but get her on this phone NOW!” John practically yelled. Marlena looked up and grasped John’s hand with hers. A few moments later, Shauna came on the phone.
“John?”
“Shauna! Listen, somethings happened with Nicky . . .”
***
John sat on the worn sofa in the waiting room of the pediatric floor. He let his head fall back onto the back of the couch while Marlena half laid, half sat next to him, asleep in his arms. It had been an hour since the doctor came out to say that Nicky was taking longer surgery than expected. The clock across the room showed it was 4 in the morning and John let out a deep breath. He wanted to sleep but not at the expense he would miss information about his daughter. Sleep could wait. Marlena awoke but stayed still in John’s arms. He smoothed out her hair and occasionally bent over to kiss the top of her head. After a while, she stood up suddenly and dropped her arms to her sides.
“I’m gonna see what I can find out from the nurses,” she said. John nodded solemly but smiled slightly when she walked over and kissed him before she left. A few minutes later, Shauna rushed into the waiting room.
“John? How’s my baby?” she asked quietly. A petite brunette followed Shauna at a far distance and looked disapproavingly when John wrapped his arms around Shauna allowing her to cry on his shoulder. He whispered soothing words in her ear and hugged her tightly.
Marlena turned the corner to see John and Shauna in each others arms. She stood next to the woman who came with Shauna and Marlena signed, a pang of jealously shooting through her.
“Is he yours?” the woman asked turning to Marlena.
“Yeah. That’s his ex, his daughter is in surgury, I’m so worried about her,” Marlena replied, biting her lower lip. “I guess I should say hello.” Marlena walked over to the two of them, and stood beside John. The woman came over as well, standing next to Shauna as John and Shauna released from their hug.
“Shauna, how are you?” Marlena asked, oblivious that the woman had followed them over.
“Well, I’m pretty terrified right now.”
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” the woman asked. John recognized the voice as the woman who picked up the phone and looked her up and down. Her long brown hair was pulled into a high ponytial, a pair of jeans and a Yale sweatshirt illuminating her body.
“I’m sorry. John, Marlena, this is Amanda, my girfriend…”
John’s mouth dropped open and he was about to reply when he saw the doctor coming up behind Shauna. “Doctor, how is she?”
“Please sit down,” the doctor motioned as the four of them exchanged worried glances.
Page 30 of 42
John watched the touching scene between Marlena and her father, and he chuckled aloud when Frank took a handful of snow and dropped it down the inside of Marlena’s jacket. Martha smiled and sat down on the rustic porch swing, while Derek placed his arm around Sam’s shoulders.
“See?” he asked.
“See, what? Daddy is excepting John….. again….. finally,”
“Exactly. You were wrong,” Derek smiled.
“Wrong about what?”
“John and Marlena having to run off the Las Vegas to get married. They won’t need to now,”
Sam watched as her father and Marlena teamed up against John who was trying desperately not to be hit by the nonstop flow of snow. “Doesn’t mean they still won’t.”
*********************
John and Marlena were the last ones inside. In the back of the house in the mud room, next to the kitchen, they shook the snow out of their outer clothing.
“I don’t think I have ever been this cold!” Marlena said. John stood behind her and helped her take her coat off.
“I know how to warm you up,” he whispered in her ear. She turned around to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“You do?” she smiled.
“Yup,” John grinned leaning down, only to whisper in her ear. “Do you have a hair dryer?”
“You!” Marlena laughed playfully slapping his shoulder. A small voice caught their attention and they both turned to see Nicky in the doorway to the
kitchen.
“Hey there, sweetheart. What are you doing up?” John asked gently kneeling down to her level. Silently, the little girl walked into John’s arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. He picked his daughter up and over her shoulder looked at Marlena confused.
She placed one arm around John and the other around Nicky. “Honey, wanna tell us what’s the matter?”
“My tummy hurts,” she said softy.
“A tummy ache, huh? Ok, well, why doesn’t Daddy lay down with you for a little while and he can read you a story, see if you fall back asleep?” Marlena suggested softly. Nicky looked up at her with her big blue eyes.
“Can you lay down with me too? I like it when you and Daddy tell me stories,”
“Well, I’m going to take a really quick shower and then I’ll lay down with you, ok?”
Marlena smiled. Nicky nodded and rested her head back down. John went ahead and brought Nicky back to Marlena’s room while she removed the rest of her wet clothes. Running up the stairs, she entered the guest room and laughed as she remembered that her parents had removed the large bed to replace it with a small twin. Shaking her head, she walked over the bed and sat down, chuckling at the thought of having to share such a small bed with John.
‘Oh, this is going to be interesting . . .’
**********************
Nicky was curled into a tight ball, her face a soft pink. John looked down on her with compassion, moving the damp bangs off of her forehead. Marlena walked quietly into the room in a pair of John’s flannel pajama pants and a plain white tee-shirt. Kneeling down next to Nicky, John stopped reading. Marlena took note of her coloring and the tiny bit of perspiration on her angelic face.
“John, can you get me the thermometer out of the bathroom for me, please?” Marlena asked, concern crossing her face. “Honey, how bad is your tummy ache?”
“Really bad,” Nicky said quietly. Marlena took a deep breath fearing the worse.
“Think you can lie on your back for a minute for me?”
Nicky turned over onto her back. Marlena lifted the blue tee-shirt up a little to reveal the small child’s abdomen. Placing her hands over her belly button without any pressure, she looked Nicky in the eye. “Tell me if this hurts, okay?” She pressed slightly and moved a little to the right. Nicky made a cry of pain and tears began to form in her eyes. Marlena’s own eyes went wide. John came back with the thermometer. Marlena shook her head.
“John, do you have your appendix?”
John chuckled not knowing the seriousness of her question. “Last I checked. Want me to ask it if it’s in there?”
“I’m not joking. Does Shauna?”
“No, she had it removed when we were kids because she had . . . appendicitis,” John said finally realizing.
“We have to go to the hospital . . . now!”
**********************
Marlena: (quietly) Hey Sam.
Samantha: Hi! How’s Nicky?
Marlena: She, um, (pause) she didn’t make it. Her appendix burst.
Samantha: Oh, hon, I’m sorry. How are you holding up?
Marlena: I’m not doing badly. John is a mess.
Samantha: I can imagine. Losing a daughter you’ve only known for such a short period of time.
Marlena: Yeah, I know. John and Shauna want to bury her in Sherman Oaks, so I guess we’re flying over there.
Samantha: Where’s that? California?
Marlena: Yeah. It’s where they grew up.
Samantha: Okay, so that’s what’s going on?
Marlena: Yeah. I think we’re stopping by there before our flight leaves. I just wanted to tell you.
Samantha: Thanks. I’ll see you later then?
Marlena: Sure will. Thanks, Sam.
Samantha: You’re welcome. Bye.
Marlena: Bye, Sam.
***
The airplane ride was uneventful. John fell into a light sleep as soon as the plane was level in the air. Shauna and Amanda had taken an earlier flight, and Marlena never had the chance to ask what he thought about THAT. The arrangements were made that they would be staying with John’s parents: Alistar and Catherine Black. Marlena laughed softly to herself as she realized that even though she and John had been living together for over 5 years, she’d never physically met his parents. John stirred slightly in the seat and drew Marlena’s attention. She raised her hand and rested it against his cheek.
Sadness came over her, John had withdrawn so much. Both nights they had spent back at their house, he told her to go ahead to bed. Doing so, she did, and waited for him to come up, then the next morning, find he had slept on the couch. They had barely spoken a sentence to each other. John, not wanting to face her, and Marlena, thinking this was his way of dealing with the grief. To know that he was physically there but emotionally so far away tore at her soul not knowing how to help. Thinking back to her psychiatry classes she knew she couldn’t step in as a shrink, it was much too personal. With Nicky gone it was like all the flowers in the world had withered. Looking over at John, Marlena prayed that the sun would come out and shine again on them soon.
***
John pulled onto the long dirt driveway in the black rental car. Vineyards were on both sides of them; workers stood on ladders picking off the grapes. She knew his family had owned a winery but she didn’t grasp the magnitude of it. After turns and curves, a (very) large brick house came into view with smaller wooden houses all around.
“Um, John?”
“Yeah, Doc?”
“Nevermind,” she said barely above a whisper.
He pulled the car near the front of the house and no sooner did he put it in ‘Park’, a woman wearing a yellow gingham dress and white apron ran onto the wooden porch that surrounded the front. Her graying hair was pulled back into a bun and her skin was nicely tanned. “John!” she yelled running down. John stepped out of the car and held his arms open. They hugged until the older woman stepped back and took John’s face in her grasp. “Oh my, you’ve grown even more!” “Ah, Mom,” he smiled slightly digging his shoe into the ground. Marlena had stepped out of the car and the closing of the door caused John and his mother to look over. “Mom, this is the girl I was telling you about. Marlena, this is my Mom, Catherine. Mom, this is my fiancée, Marlena.” Marlena stepped up and reached for Catherine’s hand when they nearly collapsed onto John.
“Babe, are you okay?” he asked gently.
“What? Oh yeah, I’m, I’m fine. I’m just feeling a little…” With that Marlena collapsed into John’s arms, her slim body going weak at the knees.
“Oh dear,” Catherine murmured reaching forward to touch Marlena’s pale face.
“Doc?” he asked softly in her ear, fear raking through his body.
“Johnny, bring her inside. Come on now, quickly,” Mrs. Black instructed her son. John lifted her in his arms and carried her limp body into the house.
Catherine quickly led John into the living room, tossing the throw pillows to the floor to make room for Marlena. John set her down and moved her head from side to side.
“Doc, baby wake up . . .”
“Maryanna! A damp washcloth, hurry!” Catherine called to the unseen housekeeper.
A young woman, about John’s age, ran into the room with a blue washcloth. She knelt down next to John and Catherine, concern etched across her face.
“Should I call Doctor Marsella?” the girl asked softly. Catherine placed the washcloth against Marlena’s forehead and nodded. As the cool cloth rested on her skin, Marlena turned and muttered something as she slowly woke up. John held her hand in hers.
“Honey, come on. Wake up now,” he murmured bringing her hand to his lips. She opened her glistening hazel eyes. John smiled. “Welcome back.”
“Mmmm, thank you. What happened?”
“You fainted. Doctor Marsella is on her way over,” John explained. Marlena tried to sit up but John put his arm around her and laid her back down. “No you don’t. Not quite yet. A little rest won’t hurt you.”
“Honey, I’m fine. It’s just the heat and everything else going on. I swear to you, I’m okay,” she smiled bringing her free hand to rest tenderly against his cheek.
“If the doctor says you’re all right then you can get up and run a marathon if you want. Can you please just lay down for a little while?”
“Compromise. I’ll sit up, and you have to sit with me. Deal?”
“Move over a bit, lady,” he smiled. She obliged and John sat next to her and allowed her to lay back in his arms.
Catherine smiled at the couple and took a seat in the wooden rocking chair across from the sofa.
“Well, Marlena. Welcome to California,” Catherine smiled.
“Oh Mrs. Black I’m so sorry. Thank you very much.”
“Catherine, please. Or Mom. After all, you soon will be part of the family,” the older woman smiled. Maryanna reappeared in the doorway.
“Doctor Marsella is on her way,” she announced bringing a pitcher of fresh lemonade in on a tray with tall glasses. After placing it on the table, she looked over at John and Marlena.
“Hello John. It’s been a long time,” she smiled.
“Yes, Mary, it has. Good to see you again,” he said politely avoiding her gaze.
“You too. Mrs. Black, I’ll be in the garden if you need me,” she said softly and left the room with her head bowed.
“What was that all about?” Marlena asked John softly.
“I’ll explain later,” he shrugged. Catherine had poured them all a glass of the tart, yellow liquid and raised her glass.
“Welcome home, kids.”
***
“I’m sorry, John. I tried to tell you it was nothing. People do faint, it’s not unheard of,” Marlena said falling onto John’s twin sized bed. “It’s a little small.”
“Well, you’re just going to have to sleep closer to me now aren’t you?” he smiled laying next to her. Looking around at the nostalgia placed around the room, he wistfully added: “I haven’t been back here since I left for college.”
“Long time to be away from your family. I’m surprised your Mother doesn’t hate me for stealing you away,” she smiled pulling John to her on the bed. He rested his head on the curve of her shoulder when he noticed a small framed picture of him and Shauna standing happily together in front of their High school. Sadness clouded his normally ocean clear eyes and he sighed painfully. They came to Sherman Oaks to bury their little girl. He remembered why he had kept his distance from Marlena in the first place. He couldn’t hurt her as much he had been hurt. The easiest way to protect her was to keep his distance.
“Um, Doc. I just remembered there was something I was supposed to do when we got to town. Will you be all right by yourself here for a little while?” he asked suddenly pulling away. Marlena looked over at him confused.
“Sure I guess. Are you going to be long?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll try and hurry. Be back soon,” he said quickly kissing her cheek.
“All right. I love you,” she smiled holding his hand as long as she could before he pulled away and headed for the door.
“Same here. Bye, Doc,” he said before exiting his room.
Marlena took a deep breath, letting her head fall back on his pillows. This trip was supposed to help John from hurting. Not push them farther away. So what was happening?
“John, I’m begging you not to this,” she said a loud as she closed her eyes and laid back against the soft pillows.
“Hello, John,” Mary said standing next to John’s rental car as he came to get into it.
“Maryanna Kaufman. What a wonderful surprise. What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been working here since you left. You know, I still wish you had married my sister,” she said almost uninterestedly.
“Well, I didn’t. But you had a niece didn’t you? My sweet daughter who’s gone now and all you can do is still try to interfere with my life. Leave me alone, Mary,” John said warningly. Mary walked to the driver side door and stood her ground.
“You practically ruined my sister’s life. I don’t handle that sitting down,” the woman replied not budging.
“Move, Mary. Now,” John said smiling a smile that would make an actor proud as some of his father’s workers walked by.
“We’ll talk later,” she said leaving. John sighed and leaned against the car for support.
“Number two on the top ten reasons I didn’t wanna come home,” he muttered climbing into the car.
***
Marlena ran her hand across the dark wooden mantle of the formal sitting room. She wandered down the stairs after John left, very unsure of her surroundings. Framed photographs sat on the piano, many of John and someone a bit older. ‘Must be his brother he told me about,’ she thought. One photograph caught her eye. John, his brother and their parents, while John’s arms were wrapped comfortably around a much younger Shauna. Picking up the picture she sighed. A voice startled her and she almost dropped the photo.
“Hello, Marlena.”
“Um, hello,” she answered not recognizing the handsome man before her.
“I’m sorry my brother didn’t introduce us. I’m Marc. John’s older, smarter, bigger, much more wonderful brother,” he introduced, extending his hand. Marlena smiled and laughed softly.
“I see where John gets his ego from. It’s great to finally meet you.”
“So where is the weasel?”
“If you’re refering to John, I’m not sure actually. He left about 15 minutes ago,” she answered softly.
“Oh. Well, I’m sure he’ll be back soon. No worries. Although I admit it wasn’t very smart to leave you alone here with me around. Might try and steal you away,” he winked.
“Marcus, leave Marlena alone,” Catherine said entering the room. Marc sighed and threw his hands up and left the room. The older woman smiled. “He’s quite an actor. He should have gone to Hollywood, not Washington. Are you all right, darling?”
“I’m fine, thank you. Just concerned about John.”
“Ah, well, he’s a big boy. I’m sure he’s fine. Mary wasn’t feeling well so I sent her home, how would you feel about helping me with dinner?”
“I’d like that,” Marlena smiled and followed Catherine into the kitchen.
***
John took a deep breath as he parked the car in the Kaufman’s driveway. The front porch was so familiar as he remembered walking up it hundreds of times before. He rang the doorbell and soon Shauna came to the door. She smiled and laughed softly.
“Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve opened this door to see you there.”
“Tell me about it. Do you know how weird it was to drive up here?”
“I bet. Come on in, Mom’s waiting to see you. Where’s Marlena?”
“Marlena’s back at the house. She fainted when we got here, I thought she should be resting,” he explained following Shauna into the familiar house.
Netanya Douglas-Kaufman sat on a white patio chair on the wooden deck overlooking the crystal clear pool in the backyard. The blooming flower garden filled the yard with blossoms of ever color somewhere among the green leaves. John and Shauna walked in through the sliding glass door and Netanya got up.
“Johnny! Oh my, it’s been so long!” she exclaimed wrapping her arms around his neck. John kissed the top of her head.
“Hi, Mom.”
***
“I can’t believe you and John have been together for so long and I’m only now meeting you,” Catherine said handing Marlena a cucumber to slice.
“You’re telling me. Whenever you went to see John in Florida I was in Colorado. I’m glad I finally am getting to meet you,” she smiled handing her the plate of freshly grated cheese. The pair worked in companionable silence in the kitchen. Alistar and Marc walked in the back door to see the two women at the center island. Alistar moved quickly to peck a kiss on his wife’s cheek before turning to Marlena.
“You must be the infamous Marlena Evans. A pleasure to finally meet the daughter I never had, but always wanted,” he said with a wink bringing Marlena’s hand to his mouth for a quick kiss.
“Nice to finally meet you,” Marlena replied. The older man looked around the kitchen.
“Where’s the boy?”
Catherine shot a deadly glance at her husband who looked confused. Marc glared at his father and nodded his head at the door.
“Oh,” was his simple reply. Marlena smiled softly and looked at John’s family.
“It’s all right you know. I’m getting kind of used to it,” she shrugged. “Anything else I can do?”
“Umm, if you’d like, perhaps you and Marcus can set the table? Darling, you know where the linen is,” Catherine suggested. Marcus nodded and Marlena followed him to the dining room.
“I’m glad John’s found such a wonderful girl. Reminds me of you at that age. Except for the fact she’s not still playing hard to get,” he remarked transferring the finished pasta to a colander in the sink.
“She loves John very much. I just wish that *he* would see that.”
John walked in the rear door into the kitchen just as Marlena walked back in with Marc. Alistar and Catherine still stood there, all of them looking at John. His expression was that similar of a deer caught in headlights.
“What?” he asked.
“Hello, son,” Alistar smiled coming up and wrapping his youngest in a bear hug. John chuckled and patted his back.
“Hey Dad. Marc, how ya doing?”
“Fine. Looks like you’re doing all right. Um, Mom? Can you and Dad help me grab the glasses from the cabinet?” he asked. Catherine and Alistar looked at each other, and then their son and nodded.
“Marlena, would you be a dear and finish slicing that tomato for the salad?” Catherine asked as they left, leaving John and Marlena alone in the kitchen.
She walked up to the island and took the knife in her hand. John walked up behind her, resting his chin upon her shoulder, his arms around her waist.
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” she answered shortly.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” she replied. The brought the knife down for another slice of the fruit but her finger slipped against the sharp blade. “Ouch,” she muttered.
Crimson red blood covered where the cut was. She was reaching for a paper towel when John took her finger in his hand and brought it into his mouth. Behind her back with his spare hand, he reached inside a junk drawer and took out a Band-Aid. After gently sucking the blood away, he wrapped the paper towel around it for a moment before carefully applying the bandage. He brought the covered finger to his lips.
“This is why I do the cooking,” he smiled resting his forehead against hers. “Why don’t I finish this and you put the ‘toss’ in tossed salad?”
***
Marlena’s legs were curled up under her as she laid contentedly against John’s arm on the sofa of the Black’s television room. Catherine sat in the rocking chair, an overhead lamp hanging down as she worked on a cross-stitch. Alistar sat in a recliner, a brandy in one hand and the New York Times in the other. The evening news brought words of rain and storms to come that night and of the latest crimes in California. Marc stood in the doorway, his legs in a pair of blue jeans and a crisp white shirt across his chest. A navy blue sports coat hung over his arm as he cleared his throat for attention.
“Yes?” John asked barely looking up.
“I was talking to your fiancee. Mind if I borrow John tonight?”
“What?”
“Going to a piano bar, need a date. Can I borrow my brother?”
Marlena laughed softly and looked up at John. “Up to you.”
“I’m very happy right here, thank you Marc.”
“Yeah but, I need a designated driver. Just in case. Please?”
“Are you sure you’ll be all right?” John asked looking down at Marlena. She raised an eyebrow.
“I’m not 5 years old John. I don’t think any monsters are going to jump out of the closet while you’re gone. Have fun. Just … not too much fun. Remember, you’re taken,” she grinned.
“And I’m very happy of that fact. Be home soon. I love you,” he smiled kissing the tip of her nose.
“Love you too. Goodnight.”
“Bye.”
***
John looked around The Blue Note one last time for any sign of his brother but none was around. With a deep sigh, he left a note with the bartender and went outside to get his coat. He quickly ran out in the pouring rain to the car and turned to drive home, the clock reading 2:28.
Meanwhile, the rain fell in sheets across the endless fields. Lightning streaked down in white flashes across the pitch black sky. Thunder rumbled the distant mountains as a woman lay slain in the road, her blood being washed down the drain with the rain water …
John stood in the doorway between his bedroom and his bathroom, a white towel wrapped around his waist. Marlena lay fast asleep among the powder blue sheets and fluffy pillows. He walked quietly over to his dresser and took out a pair of navy sweatpants and stepped into them before carefully standing next to the bed. He leaned down to kiss her forehead and was about to turn away when Marlena opened one eye and smiled.
“Hey stranger. ‘Bout time ya got here,” she smiled moving over to the far side of the bed.
John returned her smile with one of his own sliding under the covers with her allowing the heat to creep up from his toes. She moved closer, resting her head upon his shoulder.
“I’ve missed you,” she said quietly. John kissed the top of her head.
“Doc, I was gone for 4 hours,” he chuckled softly.
“I don’t mean tonight. Well, I missed you tonight but I’ve just missed you lately. You’ve just been so different. This is the first time we’ve even slept in the same bed in ages. What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry, Doc. Really. I’ve just been confused about how everything’s going lately. I didn’t want you to be hurt the way I was hurting, I thought keeping my distance would do that.”
“Honey, just you being away hurt more than anything. I would lie there and wonder if we’d ever be married, or even together again,” she admitted. John took her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes.
“Don’t ever … ever, doubt how much I love you. I wake up in the morning just to see you looking back at me. If I lost that I wouldn’t know what to do. I love you so much. Don’t forget that,”
“I’m sorry, John. Don’t *you* forget how much *I* love *you*.”
“All right lady. So speaking of marriage, we … need … a date. How about tomorrow?”
“How about tonight?” She countered quickly.
“My God how tempting,” he smiled. “You know, we could be in Vegas in about 5 hours. We’d be home in time for lunch.”
“Talk about tempting. How about we talk about it tomorrow?” She mentioned lazily trailing her fingers down his chest.
“Okay, so what do you want to talk about now?”
“Who said anything about talking?” She asked seductively.
***
“This was gruesome,” an officer said taking pictures of the beaten and shot woman.
“Do you have a positive ID?” Another asked after looking at the body, and then placing the white sheet back over.
“Her wallet and drivers license said she was Maryanna Kaufman. I believe her parents are being notified now.”
“Okay. Good work. Any clues as to the killer?”
“I believe so. Could just have washed down with the rainwater. There’s a lot of junk. Anyway, there was a card found about 5 yards from the body, with a phone number on top. It was of Black Vineyards. As you probably know, it’s owned by the Black family.”
“Who in this town doesn’t? Have you sent anyone down there?”
“Yes, Just to see if anyone knew her. Such a shame really. Beautiful young girl, probably had lots of things going for her. Who would do a thing like this?”
***
John awoke the next morning, Marlena asleep comfortably in his arms with a content smile on her face. He sighed and pulled her closer.
“I love you, Doc. And I’ve made sure nothing will ever come between us.”
He slept soundly next to a twiggy, red haired woman he had met at the piano bar the night before. The shrill of his cellular phone awoke both him and the woman.
“Hello?” he asked in a strangled voice.
“Marcus, it’s Colby.”
“What the hell do you want? It’s 3 in the morning.”
“Mary Kaufman was killed tonight. He set up John.”
“What?! Who set up John?”
“Tony followed the old man’s orders and killed Maryanna but framed John. There’s evidence all over the place. He’s gonna get busted for it — but he didn’t do it.”
“I’m going to kill him!”
“I had the same thoughts but you gotta calm down and think for a second.”
“Yeah, I hear ya. I’ve … I’ve gotta get him outta here.”
“Yes, you do. And fast!”
***
“We think we found the murder weapon, Sheriff,” a Deputy came up. In his gloved hand he held up an old Swiss army knife. The blade was covered in dark blood and an engraving stood out on the handle. The bottom itself was a white metal and engraved in black was the letters JB.
***
“John! John! Wake up!” Marc whispered harshly gently waking his younger brother. John shook his head but opened his eyes and looking over Marlena’s shoulder saw Marc standing.
“What?” he asked softly.
“Listen, you have to get up. But don’t wake Marlena. Hurry!”
John did as Marc had said, carefully unwrapping his arms from Marlena’s sleeping form.
“What the hell is going on?” John asked as Marc threw a dark blue suit at him once they had made it into the hallway.
“Something really really big is going down. Mary Kaufman was murdered last night and it was set up that YOU did it. We’re getting you out of the country, now.”
“I can’t just leave! I cannot leave Marlena. It’s out of the question. They can’t prove I killed Mary if I didn’t do it.”
“John, these people are professionals. They do this for a living. Trust me, they can put an innocent man to their death. I’ve seem it a million times before.”
“I forgot, my older brother, the spy.”
“I’m serious, man. Please. I’ll take care of Marlena. She’ll be fine. The way you’ve been in and out of her life lately I’m sure she’ll be used to it,” he remarked bitterly. “This will all be taken care of. I’ve got a car waiting downstairs to take us to the airport but we’ve got to leave now.”
“Can I … what am I supposed to tell her?”
“Nothing. I will tell her once you’re safe.”
“Can I say good-bye?”
“Yeah. Hurry up.”
John pulled the jacket on and took a deep breath walking back into the bedroom. Marlena had moved into a curled up position on the bed. He knelt next to her and gently ran his fingers through her hair.
“I love you so much, honey. I can’t believe this is happening.”
As I watch you while you’re sleeping
When she awoke, would she understand what he had to do? Or would she leave? Would she ever forgive him? Or eventually move on.
You don’t know what I’m going through
Questions swarmed like bees in his mind, all swirling together into the big question of: his future.
“You’re going to be taken care of. I’m going to be back before you can even miss me. And never forget how much I love you,” he whispered kissing her forehead, mist collecting in his eyes…
Dealing with all my emotions
“John?” Marc asked poking his head in the door. “We’ve got to go.”
He kissed her lips softly before whispering one last “I love you,” and then he was gone.
***
Marc walked back into the house about 7 in the morning. John was on a plane to a remote location under the assumed name of Forrest Alamain, a banker and stock market player from New York City. Everyone was still asleep as he crept up the stairs. He knocked softly on the door to John’s room, to see Marlena sitting up in the bed, her head resting in her hands.
“Good morning, Marlena,” he said. Her head shot up as she looked at Marcus standing there.
“Hi Marc. Umm, John did come home last night, didn’t he? I remember him coming to bed. Is he up already?” she asked. He sighed figuring this was the time to tell her.
“Actually Marlena I have to talk to you about John. Before the police get here. The force here isn’t too sharp but they aren’t stupid either.”
“The police? What happened? Where’s John?”
“John is on a plane right now, actually. He, um, I’m not sure where to start.”
“How about the beginning? That normally helps.”
“Okay, do you remember Maryanna Kaufman? She works here for Mom and Pop. She’s Shauna’s little sister. Well, she and John never got along. Poked her nose where it didn’t belong a lot. Anyway, she was murdered last night.”
“What does that have to do with John? He was with you and me last night.”
“Well, we don’t make that great of alibis. The hit was professional. They set it up to look like John did. From what my sources have told me, they used his knife, threw his wallet on the scene. Did a good job.”
“Oh my God …”
“Yeah. I found out and came by here and told John to get out of bed, he was leaving. Gave him the story and I had to tear him away from you. He loves you very much. You’ve got to believe it. He didn’t want to leave but …”
“There was no other way, right?”
“Right. Man, I am so happy you understand. He’ll be back in your arms before ya know it,” Marc smiled but that quickly faded as he watched Marlena’s eyes tear into him.
“Oh, I understand all right. Perfectly. You sent John out of the country because he was set up in a murder that he didn’t commit.”
“Marlena …”
“Can you leave me alone for a while? Please? You’re the last person I want to see right now, Marcus Black,” Marlena said turning so her face was facing the door. Marc sighed and closed the door as he walked back into the hallway.
“I need a drink,” he muttered going downstairs towards his father’s office, or more directly, the always fully stocked wet bar.
Marlena sat on the bed absorbing what was happening. She looked around her at all of John’s belongings:
And wondering if your love is true
Aside of what had just happened:
You’ve given me no cause to doubt you
And I know passion burns in your heart
But does that same fire keep on burning
In the hours that we spend apart
She loved him more than anything. And would do anything for him. She was almost sure he felt the same way. But if he did, why was she sitting on his bed at his parents home in California while he was on a jet running from the law to some other country?
If you knew the question
That burns in my mind
Then you’d know why I worry so much
I can’t help but wonder
When we fell in love, Sweetheart
Did you fall far enough?
There’s something I feel when I touch you
And that’s when I really get scared
‘Cause I know there’s men who would die for
The feeling I’m feeling right here
Oh I’ll be tormented forever
Unless I can give my fear up
I’ve got to stop acting so foolish
I’ve tortured myself long enough
She knew it didn’t work. The pain actually worsened. Not knowing if something terrible would happen to keep him away forever. What did the future hold? If they even had a future …
If you knew the question
That burns in my mind
Then you’d know why I worry so much
I can’t help but wonder
When we fell in love, Sweetheart
Did you fall far enough?
And the burning question, on some level always nagging a small part of her subconscious mind:
I can’t help but wonder
When we fell in love, Sweetheart
Did you fall far enough?
The moon beams glistened off the crashing, frothy waves. A campfire’s damp wood crackled, shooting orange sparks up, as the red, orange and yellow flames reached for the sky. She practically swam in the white school sweatshirt of John’s as the sand slid between her toes. Their friends had all left for a walk, leaving John and Marlena alone next to the fire on the beach, happily wrapped in each others arms.
“This is nice,” he whispered into her ear, kissing her temple then making a trail down her jaw. She smiled and leaned back, John wrapping his arms ever tighter around her.
“It sure is. It’s so … relaxing. I’m going to miss this.”
“Oh yeah, no ocean’s in the Rockies. We can still build a fire. As long as we’re together, I’m happy.”
“Same here. And we’re never going to be NOT together, so we’re never going to be UNhappy.”
“You got that right, Doc,” he smiled, tilting her head to allow access to a sweet, binding kiss.
She watched as the sun set behind the hills, her middle finger twirled the engagement ring on her left hand. She stared at the darkening clouds above when a voice startled her.
“Beautiful, huh?” Marc inquired walking into the room. Marlena turned around to face the elder Black son coming towards her and smiled
“Yeah, it is.”
Marc settled on the sofa next to Marlena, his arm resting casually on her shoulders.
“Still miss him that much?”
“It’s been 4 weeks … I keep expecting it to get easier …”
“But it’s not?”
“It gets harder every morning I wake up and he’s not next to me,” she admitted, tears forming in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Marlena.”
“Have you heard from him? Anything?”
“No, honey. There’s been no word yet,” Marc finished in a quiet voice. Marlena sighed and let her head fall back, her neck resting on Marc’s arm.
A man dressed in black, his face dirty and unshaven stood among the shadows in the doorway.
“I’m sort of used to this. In a way. I hate to admit it. The last time we were living together for more than a week was when we were at my parents after college.”
“Speaking of parents, I talked to Mom today. She loves having you here, you know. She’s going to be crushed when you leave.”
“Well, I love being here. But in a way, I can’t wait to be home.”
“I bet. Dorothy pretty much hit the nail on the head when she said, “There’s no place like home.”
Marlena smiled for a moment, before a vision flashed into her mind. Her and John were standing in the back of the diner in California. Although they wanted to be together so much, everything seemed to be going wrong. John had finally reached out to her.
“Listen to me, okay? I want you here and I need you here. Not for the courts, or your testimony, but for your strength. The strength you give me. You were right last night, Doc. When you called me selfish, egotistical, bastard, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. But I’m scared too. I am absolutely terrified at the thought that I am going to become a father. I want to be with you, Marlena. Through everything. If you’ll let me. Because what scares me the MOST, is what happens if you leave this restaurant. And if you get on that plane, because if you do that … I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again. I can’t handle you not being with me. I can’t IMAGINE you not being with me …”
Marlena sighed, as tears formed and started to drip from her eyes. Marc leaned over and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.
“You okay, blondie? I didn’t mean to upset you …”
“No, no, Marc. It wasn’t you. Umm, when John and I were in LA, he said something like that. We got in a fight and I called him a selfish, egotistical, bastard …”
“Wow, he musta really screwed up for you to get that mad at him,” Marc joked. Marlena laughed softly, wiping the tears from her face.
“Yeah, I was pretty mad. But, um, the next day, I was about to leave and he said I hit the nail on the head calling him those things. I noticed, Marc … do you think John knows how much I love him? Maybe that’s why he hasn’t talked to us. He thinks …”
“Marlena, stop it. You mean everything to John and he knows you feel the same way.”
“It’s been a long time since we’ve been happy together.”
“Chin up, kiddo. You never know when things will start looking up. For example,” he said moving closer to Marlena on the sofa. The figure in the doorway tried leaning in to hear what they were saying, to no prevail. The image of his arm around her made his blood boil. She didn’t pay attention to it, and watched as Marc pointed to the vineyards. “You see all that down there? Right now, they’re pretty nasty tasting grapes. But after Papa works his magic, and time passes, you have the most splendid, sweet, tasting thing you’ve ever had. It’s a prime example of how all good things are worth the wait. The best things in life come only with time. The wine matures, and becomes better each passing day. Just like you and John. Every single day, no matter if you’re together or apart, your love still grows. Am I right?”
“Yeah … I guess I see your point …”
“Ya see?! Not only am I much more handsome than my younger sibling, I’m a lot smarter too,” Marc grinned. He watched as Marlena’s eyes glimmered softly in the moonlight. She shouldn’t have looked that alluring. She was sitting with her hair in a ponytail in a pair of sweatpants and one of John’s old work shirts. Besides, she was taken. She was John’s fiancee. But as the moonlight came in softly through the glass, it made her eyes sparkle and her hair shine …
“Thanks for the pep talk, Marc. You’re a good friend and I’m very happy to have you as a future brother-in-law,” she smiled. Marc didn’t say anything, her voice not even penetrating his hazy mind. Marlena looked at him. “Marc? Are you listening to me?”
Marc didn’t say anything, only brought his head down to Marlena’s and kissed her passionately.
The figure in the doorway became stiff when he saw Marc’s lips touch hers. A lone tear trickled down his cheek as he slowly slid out of the hallway.
Marlena pulled away from Marc and licked her lips, gently wiping away his saliva.
“Look Marc, I’m flattered you feel this way about me but . . .”
“But nothing,” Marcus said backing away, “Look Marlena, I know you’re in love with John, most people are, I’m just the lonely older brother.”
Marlena noticed the glimmer of sadness in his eyes and moved over to him running her hands along his back. She wasn’t trying to lead him on and in his heart he knew she was only trying to comfort him but he couldn’t help but feel something for the gorgeous blonde before him . . . the same blonde who was engaged to his sister.
“Marc, you’re a great guy and hey if I wasn’t engaged to John, I’d probably be dying to date you. Look, I just want you to know, that you have been really great to me since John has been gone and I am really happy you’ve been here to keep me sane. I just . . . I just don’t have those feelings for you that . . .”
“Marlena, stop,” Marc said, holding up his hand. “I’m sorry I kissed you, I crossed a boundry and I’m sorry. You should head off to bed, big day of shopping with my mother tomorrow,” he smiled.
“Yeah, I think I am gonna head off. Night Marc,” she replied kissing the top of his head as she jogged upstairs.
“Night Marlena,” he whispered as he watched her walk away.
****
Marlena had finally drifted off in a light sleep when she felt a hand running up and down her left arm. She rolled over in bed, one eye cautiously opening as she saw a stranger before her in bed. His long brown hair hung just before his shoulders, a cowboy hat sitting firmly on his head, but his eyes . . . they shone brighter than before, baby blue tinted with a bit of green in the pale moonlight.
“John,” Marlena whispered, not sure if he was before her or if it was a dream, the same dream she had been having since the night he left her.
“Yeah baby, it’s me,” he replied softly, stroking her golden hair. “Oh honey, I am so sorry I had to leave you. I wish I could have taken you with me, could have had you beside me but Marc made me get out of here as soon as I could, but I came back for you . . .”
“Are you asking me to go on the run with you?” Marlena asked cautiously as she sat up in bed, a wave of nausea sweeping over her body.
“I know it’s not smart but I need you Marlena. I have been in agony without you and I just want to run away with you to our own little place and not have to worry about any of this. Just think about it, I have to get out of here before anyone catches me but I’ll be back . . . just please, please just think about it.”
John was about to walk out the door when Marlena stopped him. “Wait, John, I don’t need time to think about this. I love you. And if loving you means being on the run with you, well then I was born to run sweetheart. I want to go with you.”
“Are you sure? Because there is no turning back.”
“I’m sure,” she smiled as she got out of bed. “I just need to . . . need to.” She suddenly stopped, dizziness invading her body.
John reached her side in a second and grabbed hold of her stabalizing her. “Honey, are you all right?” he asked worried.
“Yeah, I just have to . . . ” Before she could finish she fainted into John’s arms, her head grasped tightly in his hands.
“Ooooooh no, not now,” he muttered, “Please, not now!”
John lifted Marlena up onto the bed, her soft hair, falling over her face. Her body was frail and shaking, despite the heat outside, her eyes still closed as she laid there in an unconscious state.
“I don’t want to do this, but I think I have too . . .” John mumbled as he placed a solid kiss on her forehead, slowly tiptoeing out of her room and next door.
He opened the door slowly, a faint light coming from just inside the connecting bathroom. He looked around the room realizing how nothing had changed in over ten years. A California Angel’s poster hung in the right corner of the room, something Marc had gotten when he was maybe 15 at his and John’s first baseball game.
“I’m on the Yankees, why am I not on this wall,” he muttered as he sat down on the bed, hearing as the faucet shut off. He slowly composed himself hoping Marc wouldn’t scream when he saw him sitting on his bed, in the flesh.
John felt as if everything was going in slow motion . . . the light shut off, the door opening only slightly until it opened fully, revealing Marc in nothing but a pair of boxers, his hair slicked back from the shower had just taken, his body still a tad moist.
“Ever hear of a towel?” John said aloud as Marc jumped back a small but quiet scream escaping his lips.
He looked at the bed, quinting his eyes until he focused in on his younger brother sitting there, a sly smile on his face. “Jesus Christ, John! You scared me half to death! What the hell are you doing back here?” Marc asked, rushing over to the bed. “Are you insane? The cops have shoot to kill orders on you, get out of here before they do catch you!”
“Look, right now I really could care less. I was helping Marlena out of bed and she just collapsed. I couldn’t go to mom and dad, I’m not supposed to be here and I had to get out of here so I came to you, even though right now I could kick your butt!”
“What the hell did I do? And you were ‘helping’ Marlena out of bed? Damn it, John, she shouldn’t be coming with you, this is so dangerous and you and I both know that!”
“What did you do? I don’t know, kissing my finacee *may* have something to do with it, but you know I shouldn’t have expected anything less from the great and powerful Marcus Black. Stealing my girlfriends seems to be a hobby to you, now doesn’t it?” he replied snidely.
“Excuse me? Where the hell do you get off . . .”
“I’m not doing this with you right now, Marc. Marlena needs help and I’m really not in the mood to go into another round with you. So let’s go.”
Without another word, John left the room, Marc following behind him. They walked into Marlena’s room, her body still stiff on the mahogony bed.
“What are we supposed to do?” Marc asked sitting beside her on the bed. “It’s not like we have smelling salts or anything!”
“That’s it,” John exclaimed. “Marlena, she has smelling salts in her bag. She always carries it around with her, it’s like her good luck charm or something.”
John reached into Marlena’s bag that was sitting beside the bed and fished around until he found exactly what he was looking for. He handed the salts to Marc and stood up, walking towards the door. “I have to get out of here, Marc. Just, tell Marlena I’ll be back tomorrow and that I am so sorry I had to leave and please, please tell her I love her.”
“Yeah, whatever, just go,” Marc mumbled as John crept out of the room. “No can do brother, I won’t let you win this one!”
Marc held the salts under Marlena’s nose as she finally came to, looking around the room in a daze. “M . . . Marc, was John here?”
Marc looked around the room and smiled, stroking her golden hair. “No doll, he wasn’t. You must have been asleep, it’s only me,” he lied.
“Oh okay, nevermind,” she said quietly, as she rolled on her side, tears forming in her hazel orbs.
“I could swear he was there. He came to get me and then …. I don’t know. But I came to and Marc was sitting on my bed waking me up,” she said stirring the glass of lemonade in front of her. Katherine looked upon Marlena with watchful eyes, her heart going on to her soon to be daughter-in-law.
They sat on a park bench, a short stop on the way to the car after their morning long shopping expedition.
“Darling, I know how much you want John here. But you also have to consider that no one knows where John is. Him coming back here is simply insane at the moment. I’m sure he misses you, Marlena. Just think of how happy he’s going to be when you tell him the news,” Katherine smiled. Marlena looked up, a wide smile on her face.
“He’s going to be soooo happy. I can’t wait to see his face. Have you … you haven’t told anyone yet, right?”
“I told you I would not tell a soul and I haven’t. Not even Alistar knows, dear. Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”
Marlena reached down inside one of the paper bags that sat next to the bench, taking out an item she showed Katherine.
Shaking the yellow baby rattle she smiled broadly, “I don’t know how much longer it’s going to be able to be kept a secret.”
* * * *
Marlena fumbled with the bags before dropping them onto the floor in John’s room. Her head swam and she lowered herself to the ground sitting down amongst the bags. A yawn escaped her lips and she crawled over to the bed eager to close her eyes and succumb to sleep, she almost didn’t notice the crumple of paper as she laid her head on the pillow. Confused, she picked up the note and her heart leapt as she recognized the handwriting.
‘Meet me in the barn at 8:00. I love you!’
‘John!’ She thought. Clenching the note to her chest, she closed her eyes and smiled at the thought of seeing him that night.
* * * *
“Where’s Marlena?” Marc asked walking into the kitchen to see his mother stirring a pot of pasta.
“Resting before dinner,” she answered simply. “Why?”
“Just wondering. She was kind of upset last night.”
“Yes, she was. She misses John.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” he answered bitterly.
“Marcus,” Katherine said pointing the wooden spoon she had been using in the pasta at him. “You leave her alone, you hear me? She doesn’t need you hounding her right now. She has enough going on. Understood? I shouldn’t have to be talking to you like this. You’re 30 years old, not 15.”
“You just said it yourself, mother. I’m not 15 years old and you can’t tell me what to do! I want to help Marlena because the way it’s looking, John’s not coming back for a very long time!”
“What do you mean?” A soft voice asked from the doorway. Marc and Katherine turned around to see a very pale Marlena leaning against the door-frame.
Page 41 of 42
“Marlena? Are you ill?” Marc asked noticing the pallor in her face as she stood in the doorway of the kitchen.
“Don’t change the subject,” Marlena said sternly. “Why did you say John isn’t coming back?”
“I didn’t know you were standing there …”
“It doesn’t matter! You shouldn’t be saying anything like that when you don’t know the first THING about what John is doing!”
“Darling, come here, please,” Katherine said softly releasing the spoon to stir on it’s own in the pot from the heat. Marlena looked down like a child being scolded as she walked to the opposite side of the island. “Yes?”
Katherine wrapped her arm around Marlena’s shoulder, a slight smile on her face as Marlena had given Marc exactly what he had coming. “Why don’t you go and help Alistar in the garden before dinner?”
Marlena glared quickly at Marc before walking outside the kitchen door to the garden, Katherine could barely contain her laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Marc asked his eyes narrowing. Katherine stopped laughing and smiled, simply shrugging before going back to stirring the pasta.
* * *
“Hi,” Marlena said softly kneeling in the fresh earth next to John’s father. He looked ridiculous in the floppy white hat protecting his balding head from the sun’s rays. His cerulean eyes which matched John’s, shade and tint, sparkled as he looked over at his ‘soon-to-be-daughter-in-law.’
“Good evening, Ms. Evans. What brings you out here?” Alistar asked plucking a ruby red tomato from the fragrant green vine.
“I lost my temper with Marc,” she answered softly digging a weed out from the soil. Alistar chuckled and answered. “Many people do.”
They worked together in compatible silence. Alistar picking the fruit and vegetables, Marlena digging out weeds with half effort, her thoughts drifting to the events to take place that night. After a while, Alistar looked over to see that Marlena had been digging in the same spot for the better part of 5 minutes, her eyes were dreamy, a secret hidden deep within. He smiled as he picked up a handful of loose soil and threw it on the skirt of her dress. She looked up outraged, a wide smile on her face, she laughed as threw some dirt back.
“What’s with this garden?” Marlena asked stealing a fresh green bean from the basket between herself and Alistar. He looked over at her confused. “What do you mean?”
“You have acres of vineyards, why this small vegetable garden? Not that I’m complaining. Up until John left for New York, I was bugging him to have a bay window installed in the kitchen for some herbs or something.”
“You bring up a good point. Katherine questions me just the same. An old, rich goat like me on his hands and knees digging in the dirt for some tomatoes and carrots. The answer, Marlena, is right here. You see, these vineyards may be mine but I don’t work them and that takes the thrill out of it. Which is why I spend more time harvesting the grapes then ordering other people to do so. I take pride in work and I believe it builds character. John worked hard while Marc, well, Marcus was much more into other activities during his childhood. But Johnny, he was my boy,” he finished, remembrance in his smile.
“Sounds like he had an enchanting childhood. Especially growing up here. I’m glad to have had this time to spend with you and Katherine.”
“It’s been our pleasure to have you here, daughter. Now, come along inside before Mother had our *heads* for dinner.”
* * *
Marlena watched as the sun disappeared outside, the moon rising in it’s place. The sky was a dark purple and midnight blue, shadows mingling with the objects casting them. The clock read 7:30, as not to draw attention to her early departure, she faked a yawn and stretch out against the couch.
“Going to sleep, Marlena?” Katherine asked barely looking up from her needlework. Marlena nodded and bid her goodnights before walking towards the stairs, but at the last moment turning and going into the kitchen. Marc was about to walk in from the dining room, but stopped upon seeing Marlena quietly grab her jacket off the hook on the wall and slip soundlessly out the door.
“What the hell is she up to?” He asked softly deciding to follow her.
Her footsteps on the hay crunched, filling the awkward silence of the deserted barn. She breathed in deeply smelling the rich earth and rustic naturalness, and the faint smell of John’s cologne. She heard a second set of footsteps behind her, smiling, she turned around to see John grinning at her. Her heart pounded as her eyes lit up, her inviting smile setting John at ease, saying she understood. But Marlena’s smile soon turned to horror as she saw Marc pull back his fist and throwing it into John’s shoulder, with such force it knocked him to the ground.
“Marc! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” she screamed. John quickly jumped up from the ground, ready to defend himself, but realizing the situation backed off.
“Honey, calm down. I’m sure Marc didn’t know it was me,” John said. Marlena shook her head and walked to stand next to John.
“I’m … I’m sorry, John. I didn’t know …” Marc stuttered.
“It’s fine, Marc. I’m sure it won’t happen again. Now, if you’d excuse us? Marlena isn’t going anywhere and I’d like to talk to *my fiancee* alone,” John said less than subtly, leaving no doubt in Marc’s mind that he *was* ticked, but it wasn’t the time in front of Marlena.
Marc mumbled one last apology before leaving the barn, eyes fixed on the dark ground in front of him. John watched him leave, not sure if it was to make sure he was *really* leaving, or because of the bulls-eye he was paining with his eyes on his back. Marlena slid her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his back.
“Hi,” she said softly. Smiling, he turned around and lifted her up by her hips. He noticed she wasn’t smiling, so bringing her down he questioned. “I’m gone for two months and all I get is a ‘hi’?”
“You’re gone for two months and all *I* get is a simple phone call saying ‘Hi, honey! I’m okay! I love you!'” Dramatically, she raised her hand to her forehead. “Oh, that’s right! I didn’t even get that!”
John grimaced as the daggers which had taken over her eyes stared him down. She challenged him. “Give me one good reason I should even be here.”
“Because I asked you? Because I love you? Because you’re my soulmate and … and ..” He tried. Slowing down, he looked at her, his heart realizing exactly what he had done to her. “I really screwed up, huh?”
“Yes, you did.”
“Do you still love me?”
“John, it isn’t that simple!”
“I have no defense, Marlena,” he said softly.
“I didn’t think you would,” she stated simply, turning on her heel, she walked away.
“Hey! Where are you going?” John asked tugging on her arm and pulling her back.
“I’m going inside. It’s going to rain,” she said turning back and walking again. John stood still at the door. Smiling, she turned and asked. “Well? Am I sneaking you upstairs or not?”
“I . . . I thought you were mad at me?” he asked confused.
“You’ve been with me for five years and you don’t know about my sarcastic streak? Geez, I guess you’ve been away a little to long,” she teased, walking up to him. She ran her hands along the sleeves of his shirt, his biceps, fighting their way through. Marlena stood on her tip toes, lightly tracing his lips with her own. “I missed you,” she whispered, “and there’s something I need to tell you.”
“What’s that?” he asked, smiling, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Is everything all right?”
“Well that depends,” she replied, backing out of his embrace only slightly. She looked into his blue eyes which were filled with adoration for her and smiled, leading him over to the bench, just beside the stable doors. “John, a few weeks after you left, I started to feel really sick. I played it off figuring it was because I was missing you, because I was in a place where you had grown up . . . but your mother was worried about me and insisted I go to the doctor and well . . .”
“Are you dying?” he asked buntly, making Marlena laugh.
“If I was dying, would I think it’s possible for it to be good news?” she teased. “Of course, I’m not dying. John, I’m . . . I’m pregnant. About two months along now. If you don’t want to keep the baby, I understand . . .”
“Are you kidding me? Do you know how happy I am right now?” he asked, picking her up and spinning her gently. “Oh baby, this is amazing. But there is something I want before this baby is born . . .”
“What’s that?” she asked curiously.
“I want to get married. I know we have seven months, but Doc, honey, I need to have that ring on my finger. What do you say? Vegas, tonight?” he smiled seductivly.
“Are you kidding? It’s insane, it’s impulsive . . . it’s perfect,” she smiled. “Let’s go.”
The Jarlena Journal 