Every Memory Repeats – By Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1

Marlena’s hands shook as she pulled John’s old case file from her filing cabinet. She had practically begged him to allow her to treat him. His words played over, and over again in her mind, “How many patients have you slept with?” The answer was one. She’d slept with one patient, and their relationship was so intertwined, she’d found herself in a near panic at the thought of him seeking help from another psychiatrist. Marlena was well aware that she was walking a fine line of professionalism. Many others in her field might argue that she had already crossed that line in agreeing to treat her ex-husband. Their story was complicated, nuanced, and full of passion, love, fear, regret, desperation, loss, and trauma. Her body had almost collapsed in relief when he had agreed and allowed her to make their first appointment. 

She had decided to stay late at the office to look over his file. Their appointment was scheduled for tomorrow morning, and Marlena hoped, she prayed, that through hypnosis and therapy, she might be able to help John reconcile his current life with his missing past. She needed to do that, and she needed to be a part of that. In her mind, they needed to finish the journey they started together. John’s words continued to roll about her mind, “How many patients have you slept with?”

Stefano had come into their lives and sent them all on a collision course. Her memories from the five years she was missing were slowly returning to her. It started with dreams, or flashes of memory with no context. There were nightmares of herself sitting across from Stefano, while they played chess. He would smile across the board at her, while she would jolt awake with a cold fear of dread lancing her body. Roman sometimes slept on the couch or in the guest room, because if Marlena wasn’t having nightmares, he was. 

Roman never talked about his nightmares. Roman never discussed the past at all. His missing seven years with Stefano, or her past with John. He didn’t discuss any of it, even though Marlena had tried to on several occasions.

When she’d last seen John, he was looking haggard, as if his nightmares were ruining his quality of sleep as well. All three of them forced into a complex game of cat and mouse without their consent. All three of them still suffering, even though the man responsible was supposed to be dead. 

Looking down at John’s file, she remembered starting it. He’d been seeing her unofficially, with hypnosis sessions in her home. John probably wasn’t even aware that she’d started a file on him, or that she’d kept it all these years. By the time she’d realized he had amnesia, she was already half in love with him. Helping him had simply been the next step, and he had been so nervous about the whole process, not sure if he could trust her or not. Marlena simply could’t imagine going through life with no knowledge of who you were, or where you came from. John’s current plight was bringing up all of those old feelings, and she couldn’t bear to see him in pain. She remembered a conversation with John nearly ten years earlier…

“I am not treating you as a patient,” Marlena said softly, touching his arm to get his attention.

John leaned closer, looking to see if anyone was watching them, and whispered, “Then what exactly would you call it?”

“I-I’m helping a friend.”

Relief washed over him, and he asked her, “You allowed to do that?”

“Help a friend?” she repeated with a sweet smile, that made his body tremble with want.

John continued,“And-and still be a…you know, a psychiatrist?”

“This may come as a terrible shock to you, but underneath all those degrees that I have, I’m a person, and I’m actually allowed to have friends. I’m even allowed to ask how they are, without putting them on a sofa somewhere—”

“—okay, I’m sorry. I suppose I overreacted,” John said.

“It’s okay. I understand.”

John shook his head in frustration, “This is all so strange to me. It’s-it’s like I’m the new kid in school, and I’ve got to start all over. Except, when you’re the new kid in school, you’ve got something to refer to…like, what it was like at your old school, and-and, the kind of kids you hung out with, and whether or not you had good judgement. You know, that kind of stuff.”

Marlena smiled to herself as she remembered their conversation. She knew it was different now. It was much more than just helping a friend. Much more. She and John had lived a life together. He had kissed her, and made love to her body. Her helping him as a therapist was much more than helping a friend, and if she spent too much time thinking about it, she would have to face that it was very likely unprofessional for her to treat him. There was a clear conflict of interest, but it wouldn’t stop her. Marlena opened the file with a sigh and began reading.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Isabella stared at John. She was angry, and she was frustrated, that he had decided to start seeing Marlena for therapy. Isabella had already been wary when he’d told her, he was going to get an appointment with Dr. Baker. An appointment with Marlena had Isabella ready to pull at her own hair. “John, I don’t understand. How is doing this now going to help you remember? When you haven’t remembered anything but Roman’s memories for years?”

“I have to try!” he said, running his fingers through his hair roughly. “I can’t let this go.” 

“What makes you think you’re going to remember anything new? You have a half-burned satchel full of junk! Stefano is dead! I don’t understand how that’s going to help you,” Isabella said, hoping she could somehow manage to talk him out of this. “How are you going to figure out your past, when all you have is broken bits of jewelry?”

John was beginning to doubt himself. Maybe she was right. He had a burned leather satchel with a smashed and disfigured ring and a locket. How would those things help him find out who he was? He looked at her with tears in his eyes, and said nothing.

Isabella knew what she was doing was wrong. She could feel it, when the pain in his eyes, cut at her soul, but the risk of losing him over this was too high. She was afraid that if he found his past, his true past, he might leave her forever, and things were already perfect the way that they were. She and John had a baby on the way, and if he would give up this search for his past, they could move on with their lives. As it stood, he still refused to move in with her, instead taking his own apartment on the other side of town. 

“I already made the appointment, Izzy-B. Marlena’s expecting me in her office at nine in the morning,” John told her.

“Cancel it. Please, John. For us. For the baby. Please, just let this go,” Isabella begged him.

He was so torn. His heart was breaking and he felt like all he had left was Isabella. Sighing deeply, he said, “I’ll call her and leave a message when I get back to my apartment.”

“Thank you!” Isabella cried, throwing herself into John’s arms. “You won’t regret this. We can start our lives together, and we can focus on our baby.”

John felt dread settle in his belly as he left Isabella’s loft. Last summer he’d had everything he wanted when Marlena returned. Now he just felt hopeless. Like there was no way out of this.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She stood leaning on a large rock near the beach, the cool breeze coming off the ocean blowing though her hair, caressing her cheeks, and cooling the tears on her face. She didn’t know how much longer she could go on with this. She wanted Roman so badly, and she loved him as if his soul was the missing part of hers. It was becoming so agonizing, that she walked out of the hotel room they shared before she said or did something that would make them more awkward together. The last thing Roman needed right now was more pressure from her to make a decision that he wasn’t ready to make. Staring into the moonlit ocean waves, she heard his footsteps before she saw him. Then he called to her, “Doc!”

She turned to face him with a small, fake smile plastered to her tear stained face. He rushed to her, “I’m sorry, baby…look, I don’t mean to pull away from you, okay?” He grabbed onto the front of her jacket, his fists twisting the fabric harshly. 

Marlena said to him quietly, “Thank you,” and then she ran her hand softly over his cheek. He was staring at her so intently, that she became instantly worried, “What’s happened? What’s the matter?”

“Right after you left, I got the call,” Roman told her, still gripping her lapels tightly. 

“Abe?”

“You bet. He’s got the plane. It’s all fueled. The supplies are all loaded. We’re out of here!”

“Then we’re going to have our answers,” Marlena said with relief. “And if that were the island where I was being held, then—”

“—it is the island, Doc. I know for a fact that it’s the island.”

“Then we’ll find out what happened. We’ll put it all behind us…” Marlena felt herself getting lost in John’s eyes, and she said quietly, “And we can move on with out lives…”

John whispered, “Days, Doc. That’s all we’re talking about now. Who knows, twenty-four hours, maybe even less.” In his joy, he forgot himself, pulling her forward abruptly, and kissing her. 

He pulled back, and stared at her, his mouth open slightly in awe, almost as if he was surprised that he had done that, but then he pulled her forward again. Marlena whimpered into his mouth, as his tongue swept across hers. She was lost in the taste of him. She moaned again, and threaded her fingers into his hair pulling him closer, scared to let go. She was scared that the moment might end, and she’d never get him back. He bit, and nipped at her lips before pulling back, and changing the angle. Her stomach flipped, and her pussy started throbbing almost immediately. It had been so long for them, and this was what she had wanted since she returned home. 

Marlena was jolted from her memories by the shrill ring of her telephone. Glancing at the clock, she noted that it was past 8:30 pm. She considered letting it go, but decided to answer in case it was an emergency. “Dr. Marlena Evans,” she said softly.

John paused. He hadn’t thought she would be there. His belly clenched, and his heart rate sped up as he heard her say, “Hello?”

“Doc,” John said. “It’s me.”

“John,” she said. The simple sound of her voice had him aching for her all over again. He’d known when he made the appointment, that it was a bad idea. 

“I’m not going to be able to make that appointment in the morning. I just wanted to let you know—”

“You’re not canceling, John,” Marlena said. She refused to allow him to do this.

“Doc, I don’t think this is a good idea…it’s going to be too hard,” he said, trying to come up with adequate reasons for putting this off. 

Deciding to be direct, she asked him, “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“It’s not sudden. You knew when I made the appointment that I was worried about having you as my doctor,” John said.

“I thought we’d worked that out?” she said.

“Isabella thinks that this search for my past…well, she thinks it’s holding us back in our relationship. She thinks that we need to move forward, and my focus on my past isn’t going to give me any real answers,” John told her.

“That’s what Isabella thinks,” Marlena said with growing frustration. “What do you think?”

“Well, I’m not sure what I’m going to learn from some jewelry.”

“John, this is about more than the jewelry, and you know it! This is about learning about your past. Finding out who you are! You can’t give up!” Marlena said, as her voice rose in panic. “You can’t give up, John. I know you! I know your heart! You will never be complete if you let this go, and honestly, I’m a little disappointed that Isabella doesn’t seem to understand that.”

Marlena was right, of course. John’s search for his past wasn’t something he could give up. He knew that. He also knew what was really driving him to try and cancel this appointment, and that was the idea of working so closely with Marlena, when he was supposed to be focusing on his future with Isabella. “Doc, I’m worried that my focus should be on Isabella, and the baby, right now.”

“What about your needs, John? How are you going to be any good to the people who love you and care about you, if your needs are pushed aside?”

John was quiet for a moment, before he said with resignation, “I’ll be there in the morning, Doc.”

“You promise?”

Smiling to himself, he said softly, “I promise.”

“I’ll be expecting you in the morning, then. Good night, John,” Marlena said quietly.

His body’s reaction to the sound of her voice, her soft breathy whisper, had him questioning again, whether this was a good idea, but he simply said, “Good night, Marlena.”

Chapter 2

Roman was getting out of the shower when Marlena woke up. Exiting the bathroom wrapped in a towel. He watched her walk to the closet, intent on picking out her clothing for the day, and he said, “We can’t go on like this forever.”

Marlena stopped short, turning to face him, “What do you mean?”

Roman gestured between them with his hand, “This. You’ve allowed me back into the bedroom, but you’re still keep me at a distance!”

“You said you would give me time, Roman.”

“I have given you time,” he said stepping closer to her. 

Marlena knew he was going to kiss her. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that, but she also knew, if she kept putting him off, she would never know. She watched him warily as he stepped forward, and reached for her, pulling her mouth to his. His lips landed on hers, dry and rough, and his tongue tried to shove inside her mouth. Immediately, Marlena pushed at his chest, as he held her face in the grip of his hands. She pushed harder against him, finally forcing him to step back from her with a stumble.

Roman was angry. He was more than angry, he was downright furious, “All right. That’s it. That’s it! I’ve had enough!” Roman told her, watching as she wiped her hand over her mouth, and stepped further away from him.

“You said, you’d be patient!” Marlena told him.

Roman had no patience, “Patient? I have been more than patient, Doc. I have waited seven years! The only thing that kept me going in that jungle was the thought, that maybe you and I might be together again someday! With our kids! In this house!” He stepped closer to her, and she stepped back again. Roman yelled as loudly as he could, “But this? This is worse than anything I experienced in that jail cell! Worse than them making me sit, and watch videotapes of you and John Black! Because now, here I am, this close to you, and I can’t even kiss my own wife for crying out loud! Well, that’s not right!” He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath, before he continued, pointing his finger at her, “I love you. I want to make love with you, and I refuse to apologize for that!”

“I don’t want you to apologize!” Marlena said, with tears in her voice. “I know this has been very hard for you. I know that this is hard for you, but I need time. You said, you would give me that. You said, you would wait.”

Roman looks at her, unmoved by her tears, and says, “How long do I have to wait?”

“I don’t know!” Marlena shouts, overcome with frustration. “I don’t—”

“—what? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of hurting him?” Roman says with disgust.

She looks at Roman for a moment, before she nods her head, saying softly, “Yes. I am afraid of hurting him. I was married to him—”

“—you were married to me! You’re with me now. I thought your decision was made when we came home from Mexico!”

“It was…it is…but, Roman, I was married to both of you! I loved him. I made love to him. I can’t pretend that didn’t happen. I can’t pretend I didn’t have those feelings,” she said, wiping at her tears furiously.

Roman watched her, finally acknowledging that this was about more than her hurting John, “You still have those feelings don’t you?”

She can’t admit it. She can’t voice out loud what she knows to be true. Not when she and John have gone in separate directions, so she said, “I don’t know…I don’t even know how I feel. I don’t…I don’t know what I’m going to do…”

The bedroom door opened slightly, and Marlena heard Sami’s voice, “Mommy? Mommy, are you okay?”

Rushing to the door, Marlena kneeled down, brushing the hair back from her daughter’s sleepy face, “Yes, baby. I’m sorry that your Daddy and I woke you. We didn’t mean to be so loud.”

Sami eyed the man that was supposed to be her father, and she said softly to her mother, “He was yelling.”

Roman found himself getting even more angry. Nothing was working out the way it was supposed to. He had spent seven years in prison imagining a life that had yet to come to fruition. Grabbing his clothing, he went back into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind him.

Marlena frowned at the closed door briefly, before she said to Sami, “Sometimes people have disagreements. That’s normal. I’m sorry we were loud.”

“Why can’t I have my other Daddy? My real Daddy?”

Marlena was finding it more difficult to keep the twins away from John. Roman had insisted that he needed time to bond with them. Time to cement their new relationship, but Sami and Eric were making it very hard on him. At eight years old, the only father they had ever known was John. His sudden disappearance from their lives had not been an easy adjustment. The last few weeks had been incredibly difficult. Both of them brought home progress reports indicating that their grades had dropped. Sami had several referrals to school administration for back talk, and bullying her peers. Eric seemed to be withdrawing from his friends, and his family. 

Roman had been trying. He was home for dinner everyday. He inquired about their days at school, but he was easily frustrated. He expected the children to fall into his arms, grateful to have their father home after seven long years, but they wouldn’t. They sensed that frustration. The twins didn’t see Roman’s return as something they should be grateful for. They saw his return as the reason they had lost their father. By Roman keeping John out of their lives, he was making his children despise him. Marlena had tried to speak with him about, but in his typical blustering fashion, Roman had said they just needed more time, completely disregarding the fact that Marlena was the trained professional.

Marlena gazed on Sami’s face for a moment, and said, “What if I talk to John about spending some time with you and Eric?”

Sami’s face lit up, and tears shone in her eyes, “Really?”

Marlena didn’t hesitate, “Really. I’m going to see him this morning. I’ll talk to him.”

Little arms wrapped themselves around Marlena’s neck, while Sami cried, “Thank you, Mommy! Thank you!”

Kissing Sami’s face, Marlena said, “Go wake up your brother. It’s time to get ready for school.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena had been crying on and off since she’d arrived in her office. Roman had overheard her telling Sami that she would make time for John to see her and Eric, and he wasn’t pleased. She could still see the rage in his eyes, and hear his voice, when he said, “We agreed that I would have time with them! Now, if I say no, I’m the bad guy. How do I build a relationship with them, if you allow John in their lives, too?”

He was right, they had agreed to giving Roman time with the children, without the involvement of John. Marlena knew that, and she’d backtracked, promising Sami time with John. Roman failed to see that separating the twins from John so abruptly was hurting them, and his constant insistence that they would adjust was unrealistic. Children didn’t adjust. They developed abandonment issues, and trust issues. 

Marlena heard the buzz of her intercom, and glanced quickly at the clock. She hadn’t realized how much time had passed. Her secretary’s voice came over the speaker, “Dr. Evans, your appointment is here.”

Wiping at her cheeks fiercely, Marlena replied, “Just a moment, I’ll be out.” Dashing into her restroom, Marlena checked her make-up, ensuring that her mascara hadn’t run down her face, and quickly came out to get John for his appointment. 

When the door closed behind him, and he eyed her carefully. She’d been crying. He could tell. Closing the distance between them, John asked her, “What’s wrong?”

Marlena looked away, and walked towards her desk, sitting behind it, “Nothing. I’m fine. Are you ready to begin?”

“No,” he said, stepping behind her desk, and looking down at her. “Somethings wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong, John,” she said, reaching for her tape recorder.

He kneeled before her, spinning her chair to face him, “Doc. Don’t lie to me.”

She found herself getting lost in his deep blue gaze, “It’s nothing.”

“Nothing? I don’t think so. Not if it has you crying,” he said quietly. “We’re still friends aren’t we?”

“Yes, but my problems with Roman aren’t…I-I shouldn’t be discussing them with you—”

“—are you having problems with Roman, Doc?”

“John…it’s not proper for me to be—”

“—I’m your friend first. You can talk to me, because I know you, you’re bottling it all up inside you,” John said softly, reaching for her hand. “C’mon. Talk to me.”

Marlena throws his hands off of her, and pushes her chair back, standing abruptly. She can’t breath with him so close to her. Turning away from him, and gazing out her office window, she says, “I got into an argument with Roman this morning. It was nothing, really. He’s—he’s…frustrated.”

John watched her, knowing that she was holding back, and censoring her words, but he didn’t push her. His eyes followed the curve of her waist, and the way her jacket fit along the swell of her hips. He could imagine himself stepping behind her, and wrapping his arms around her shoulders; however, touching her right then wouldn’t be a good idea. Not when he wanted to so badly.

“Our argument woke up Sami,” Marlena nearly whispered. Turning to face John, she said, “This is all been so hard on the twins.”

“Doc, it’s been hard on all of us,” John told her, standing where she’d left him when she’d vacated her chair.
“You’re right. I know you’re right, but Sami and Eric especially,” she replied. She paused for a brief moment, before she asked him, “I was wondering if you might like to spend some time with them?”

“You already know the answer to that, Doc. Those are my kids. No matter what, those are my kids,” John said.

“Sami has been getting in trouble in school and Eric…well, Eric seems to be turning inward. I try to engage him, but both of them are struggling with losing you.”

“I didn’t make that choice, Doc,” John said softly. 

“I know. I know, and I thought that giving Roman time to form a relationship with them was a good idea at first, but the more I watch them…I realize it’s not. They need you, and loving you doesn’t take away from the love they could eventually feel for Roman,” Marlena said.

“Is that how he sees it? Does he think their love for me detracts from his ability to form a relationship with them? Because that’s ridiculous. You know that,” John said, stepping closer to her. “The twinners have enough love to share.”

“They’re—they’re pushing him away. They see Roman as the reason for losing you.”

“Have they told you that?”

“Do they need to, John? It’s obvious,” Marlena said, brushing her hair from her forehead, and looking back out the window. 

“I can speak with them about it,” John said, coming to stand in front of her. “I can do that for them…and I can do that for you. I can ask them to give Roman a chance.”

“I’m not asking you to do that,” Marlena told him. “I’m not trying to pull you into this.”

“If Sami and Eric are hurting…I want to be pulled into this. I want to help them adjust,” he said softly.

Marlena looked up at him, and whispered, “If you could. Maybe if they…”

He would do anything for his family, and even though they were apart, Marlena and the twins were still his family. It hurt that he’d lost them. The pain was almost incapacitating at times, but he would do whatever he could to help them adjust to their new lives, even if that meant getting them to try, and form relationships with Roman. “Doc, I don’t like Roman. You know I don’t…but I don’t want Sami and Eric’s adjustment to be difficult or painful. I don’t want yours to be either.” John moved a stray bit of Marlena’s hair away from her shoulder, and fixed the collar of her shirt, watching the way his fingers barely grazed over her skin.

Shivering, she looked away, back out over the city, “I’m trying so hard to make this adjustment smooth for the children…for Roman…”

“What about you?”

“What about me?” she asked him, as if her needs had never occurred to her.

“How are you adjusting, Doc? How are you handling this transition into a new life with Roman?”

“I’m…fine. I’m fine,” she said, taking a step to move away from John.

He stopped her, blocking her path with his arm, “You’re not. I can see that.”

“John, this is…this isn’t something I should discuss with you.”

She right. He knows she’s right. It’s none of his business what she does or doesn’t do with Roman. It’s none of his business, and yet, every night he wonders if Marlena is in bed with Roman. He wonders if Roman is kissing her, or running his hands over her body, and the thoughts nearly drive him mad. Rounding the desk, John takes a seat on one end of the sofa and says quickly, “You’re right. It’s not my business…but if you ever need to talk, I’m available…you ready to get started?”

Chapter 3

Isabella could feel John slipping away from her. She didn’t know what to do to stop it, and John denied it every time she mentioned they were growing apart, but she could feel it. She stared at him across the dinner table at Wings, “I thought you said, you were going to cancel that appointment.”

“I was,” John said, growing frustrated with Isabella’s accusations. “But when I got home, I decided not to cancel. It’s not a big deal, Isabella.”

“It is, because you lied to me,” she said.

“Lied to you? I changed my mind. That’s not the same thing. I’m sorry, I didn’t let you know, I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal,” John said, watching her emotions play over her face.

“I thought we were going to focus on us…focus on the baby,” Isabella said softly.

Every time Isabella wanted John to do something she brought up the pregnancy. John was silent for a long while, before he finally started to speak, “I want to give you what you want, but I can’t, Izzy B. I need to do this. I need to know, for my own sake, I need to at least try, and figure out my past. I have nothing prior to 1985. You will never know what it feels like to wonder who you are. Where you came from. If you were married. If you had children…Isabella, all I know is Marlena and those kids, and I’ve lost that, too!”

“What about me? What about our baby? My wishes aren’t important?” she said bitterly. She reached for her purse, and said, “I need to use the restroom.”

Marlena entered the restaurant with Roman, right as Isabella stormed off to the ladies room. Her eyes met John’s, and locked for a moment longer than what was proper, before she finally turned away from him, and followed Roman to their table. When Isabella exited the ladies room, she immediately stopped short, eyeing Marlena with anger, and spite. Isabella had been icy towards her since she returned, and Marlena knew there was nothing she could do to make someone like her, especially someone who had already decided that they most certainly…didn’t like her. Sighing softly, she looked away, just as the waiter approached, telling Roman he had a telephone call.

Marlena sipped her wine, occasionally glancing towards John’s table, and watched as John tried to explain something to Isabella. Isabella was obviously unhappy, gesturing with her hands, and at one point crying. Marlena watched as John tried to calm her, without success. Just as Roman was returning to the table, Isabella grabbed her purse and coat, and stormed out, leaving John behind. She saw him lean back in his chair, and run his fingers roughly through his hair. He glanced over and their eyes met and held for a moment, before Marlena looked away.

“Hey, Doc, that was the station calling,” Roman said loudly, without even sitting down. “I’ve got to head in, because they just brought in a suspect on this case I’m handling. I’m sorry—”

“—that’s fine, Roman,” Marlena said, cutting him off. She didn’t need his explanations. They were always work related anyway. She hadn’t wanted to come out tonight. Roman had dropped the twins with her parents, and surprised her with this night out, because he felt guilty about pressuring her the other day. She was tired and would have much rather preferred a night in. “I’ll be fine. I can take a cab home.”

“You should stay. Have dinner,” Roman told her.

“I think, I might just head home, Roman. I’m tired,” she said quietly.

Roman seemed almost disappointed, but he replied, “Okay. I’ll be home later.” He leaned over, attempting to kiss her, and Marlena turned her face, allowing him to kiss her cheek. Roman wasn’t happy, but because they were in public he said nothing. Marlena watched him walk away without another word.

John saw the whole interaction, Roman’s excuse for leaving, Marlena’s avoidance of his kiss, and he wondered, again, if Marlena had made love to Roman. The thought of them together made him irrationally upset. His mind filled with images of Marlena with Roman hovering over her naked body, and he felt himself tremble with jealousy. John knew that he and Marlena had moved on. He was living in his own apartment, but he and Isabella were having sex. He wasn’t celibate. He couldn’t expect Marlena to be, and yet, John knew, that somewhere inside his mind…he did expect that. His intense emotions over Marlena’s sex life were unwarranted. He found himself feeling a sense of smugness at the thought that maybe Marlena hadn’t allowed Roman that privilege yet. Maybe Roman hadn’t had the privilege of sinking into her tight, warm, body. He nearly groaned, and realized he was staring at her again. Marlena began to gather her things to leave, and John stood up quickly, walking over to her.

“Doc,” he said softly, stepping up beside her.

“John…” she said a little breathlessly, as she caught the scent of his spicy, musky cologne. The scent was so familiar, it stole her breath away, “Hello.”

“I see we both lost our dates,” he said, smiling at her in that sexy way she missed so much.

Marlena laughed at his casual flirtation, “It seems we did, didn’t we? I was just heading home.”

“Do you need a ride?” he asked her softly.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, John.”

“One friend, giving another friend a ride home?” he asked her.

Marlena sighed. He was right, of course. It was just a ride home. Standing up, she smiled at him, “Thank you.”

“I’m kind of hungry. You want to grab a pizza on the way?” he asked her casually.

Pizza sounded amazing. “From Giovanni’s?” she asked excitedly.

“There’s no where better,” he said reaching for her hand. “Come on.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena sighed, leaning her back against the couch as she sat on the floor beside John, in her living room. “The pizza at Giovanni’s is just as good as I remember,” she said. “And I ate too much, just like I remember doing, as well.”

“Doc, you can never eat too much pizza,” John told her, polishing off his last bite. Gesturing to the box, he asked her, “You mind if I eat the last piece?”

Marlena laughed, “I’m done. Have at it.”

“I used to get Giovanni’s with the twinners and Carrie, every Friday,” John said.

“You did?”

“Yeah, Fridays were pizza and movie night,” John said. “I miss pizza and movie night.”

“Sami was asking when she and Eric might be able to see you,” Marlena said softly.

With a mouth full of pizza, John mumbled, “Is Roman going to have a problem with that?”

“I’ve discussed it with Roman,” she said. “He knows where I stand. I won’t allow my children to suffer any longer, John.”

“So if I wanted…I could pick them up Friday night?”

“It might be better if I dropped them off,” she said softly. “Roman knows…but seeing you here, picking them up, might cause…problems.”

John glanced at the clock, and then back at Marlena, realizing that it was getting late. If Roman came home and found him there, he could only imagine the issues that might cause for Marlena. “Maybe I should go,” he said getting to his feet, and closing up the pizza box.

“Just leave it. I can clean up,” Marlena told him, rising to her feet beside him. The telephone rang, and she answered it saying, “Hello?” John’s eyes roamed over her, while she remained unaware. He had a habit of allowing his eyes to roam over her body whenever she wasn’t paying attention, but just as his eyes lifted to her face, he caught her staring at him. Watching him, watch her. Instead of apologizing he just smirked, causing her to blush a deep shade of pink, and look away. She said into the telephone, “Yes. Yes, that’s fine, Roman. Don’t worry about it.” Hanging up, she said, “He’s going to be at the police station for awhile. I’ve been informed that I don’t need to wait up for him.”

She seemed so lonely, and John wasn’t ready to leave just yet, so he stretched out the conversation, saying, “I need to make another appointment with you. When I left the other day, Chelsea wasn’t at her desk.”

“Oh, okay, let me check,” she said. Marlena went over to where she kept her date book, and glanced over it, “Is next week too soon?”

“No,” he said, stepping closer to her. “I’m off Wednesday. Do you have anything on Wednesday?”

Marlena smiled at him, “I do. I had a cancellation. Is 11:30 okay? Just before lunch?”

“That works,” John said, shrugging into his coat. “I’ll be there. Maybe I’ll bring lunch.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she told him, following him to the front door.

John stopped, and faced her, looking down at her with his intense blue eyes, “Tonight was fun. I miss talking to you.”

She stared up at him, and said quietly, “I miss talking to you, too.”

“You look tired, Doc,” John whispered, pushing her hair off of her shoulder. “You should go to bed. Catch some extra sleep since the twinners are with Shawn and Caroline.”

“Yeah, that’s actually a good idea.”

“You could take a bath first. Use those bath salts you used to like…” John stopped talking, and then said quickly, “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

Marlena’s heart skipped slightly, and she felt goosebumps erupt across her skin, and she said quietly, “It’s okay, John. We were married. We can’t pretend that we don’t know things about each other.”

John thought of all the things he knew about her. How she liked to be fucked from behind really hard. How she moaned and cried out as she was orgasming. How she would drag her fingernails over his back giving him the most delicious pain. He shook his head. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Sorry to make it weird,” he told her with a smirk. Marlena laughed again. A light sound that made John wish they’d made different choices, but they didn’t. John opened the front door, feeling the cool winter air rush in, “So, the twinners…you’ll bring them by Friday?”

“Yes. Is 5 o’clock okay? Or would you like them later?”

“5 o’clock is perfect, Doc…and, I can have them home by 9?”

“I can—I can pick them up,” she said. “I don’t mind, and…there’s Roman…”

“Right. Roman,” John said, finding that he was getting lost in her wide hazel eyes. “Right. Good. Okay. Doc, I’ll see you later.”

Marlena touched his arm gently, standing on her toes to kiss him softly on the cheek, “Goodbye, John.”

Chapter 4

Marlena watched as John’s eyes darted back and forth under his closed lids, and his breathing increased. “Can you tell me where you are, John?”

“I’m outside. Near a pool,” he said quietly. “My brother is there…we’re…he’s angry.”

“Do you know why he’s angry?”

“I said, I was faster than him on my bicycle, because I’m faster,” John said in a childlike voice, with a small grin.

Marlena smiled, “Can you tell me what’s happening now?”

“I’m going to race him, to prove I’m faster than him,” John replied.

“John? Do you know your brothers name?”

“Lawrence.”

“Do you know your name?”

“Forrest…I’m Forrest,” he said proudly. “I’m going to beat him. I know I am!”

Marlena notices that John’s legs were twitching, “John, slow down the memory. Can you do that? Can you slow it down?”

John’s breathing had picked up, and he said breathlessly, “Yes…”

“Can you remember your last name?” Marlena asked him. She knew that it might be a long shot, asking him, but if they were trying to find his origins, a last name would help.

“Alamain,” he whispered.

Marlena gasped slightly, immediately putting the pieces together. Lawrence. Alamain. Lawrence Alamain.  She said softly, “What’s happening in your memory now, John?”

“I’m going to win,” he said excitedly. “I just have to go around this corner…”

All of a sudden John’s body jerked violently, and he started to struggle, panting heavily. Marlena rushed to sit beside him, saying, “John, this isn’t real. It’s a memory! John! I’m going to count back wards from five, and you’re going to wake up, remembering everything you just saw…five …four…three..two..one.”

He sat up violently, gasping for air, and clawing at his throat, “Doc! I’m drowning…I—I can’t breath!”

“John, John, honey, yes, you can,” she said softly. “Take a deep breath, look at your surroundings…take a deep breath…”

He fell into her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and breathing deeply, “I was drowning. I was drowning, Doc!”

She could feel his fingers clenched in her jacket at her back, and feel his hot breath permeating the fabric of her blouse. Her hand held his head to her chest, and she whispered, “You’re in my office, John. That was a memory…but right now, you’re in my office.”

He took long, deep, breaths of her, using her scent to calm his mind, and lower his blood pressure. He knew he should let go of her, but he didn’t. His arms wrapped around her tighter, like she was the tether holding him to this room. After several long moments, John looked up at her, and said, “I remembered my name.”

“You did,” she said softly, brushing his hair away from his sweaty forehead. “Now it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with that name.”

John sat up, but Marlena didn’t move away from him. She continued to sit beside him, as he said, “Lawrence…Lawrence is my brother.”

John’s deep clue eyes were pulling her in, and she forced herself to put distance between them, saying, “It’s worth looking into. You’ll need to speak with him, of course, and likely…a DNA test would be required.”

“I think…I need another session, maybe more, Doc. I can’t—I won’t go to him with this just yet. Larry and I can’t stand each other…you know that.”

“I think that’s the best idea. Do you need to discuss what happened while you were under hypnosis?”

“I told Lawrence that I was faster on my bike than he was. We were racing around the pool, and I—I must have gotten too close to the edge, and my front tire slipped in. I couldn’t swim, and I was gasping for air. I was drowning, Doc! The last thing I remember was Lawrence yelling, and trying to reach for my hand as I sank under the water,” John told her.

“That must be incredibly traumatic.”

“I can still feel the burn of the water in my lungs…I feel like…I feel like I drowned, Doc.”

“You could have nightmares about this. I want to warn you. When incredibly traumatic events are relived in hypnosis, it can trigger a post-traumatic response,” Marlena said, walking over to her desk. “I can give a prescription for something if you think you might need it.”

John hesitated, not sure he would need something to sleep, but finally told her, “Yeah. Yeah, just in case, I guess.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John paused the movie, and slid a sleeping Sami off of his lap, when the there was a knock at his door. Both kids had fallen asleep, but by then John was invested, and needed to know how the film ended. Pausing it, he walked to the door, knowing Marlena would be on the other side. “Hey, Doc,” he said, stepping aside, and allowing her to enter the apartment. He took as deep breath as she walked by, taking pleasure in her scent for a short moment. “The kids fell asleep,” he told her. “Would you like something to drink? I have water, soda, or Sami’s favorite Sunny-D.”

“That stuff is awful,” Marlena laughed. “The amount of sugar in it would give me a headache. Water will be fine.” She walked over to John’s couch, staring at the twins cuddled up and asleep. Marlena chuckled lightly, thinking about how those two argued when they were awake, and yet here they were sleeping as if they always got along. Her heart swelled with love for them, as she allowed herself to collapse into a nearby chair.

John handed her a water glass, and said, “You look tired, Doc.”

“I feel like I’m always tired. Between work, and the twins…I don’t get much sleep.”

“Did you enjoy your night off tonight?”

Marlena was quiet. It hadn’t been a night off. Roman had nitpicked, and found reasons to argue with her all night, because he was angry that she’d taken the twins to see John. Their argument played in her mind:

“Roman, they won’t bond with you. They won’t trust you, if they think you hate John! You say you want a relationship with them, but the way you act about John…you’re alienating them!” Marlena said.

“I’m their father! Me! They need to understand that!” Roman roared. “John Black isn’t, and you need to back me up on that!”

“They know John isn’t their father…but, Roman, he was. They can’t stop loving him. He can’t stop loving them. Why should they have too? The twins have so much love to give, but your attitude towards John…Roman, you’re pushing them away!”

“I’m pushing them away? You’re inviting a ticking time bomb into our children’s lives!” Roman yelled at her. “I know you’re seeing him as a patient. You know he’s disturbed.”

Marlena stared at him in shock. Her patients confidentiality was very important to her, “Who told you that?”

“I ran into Isabella on the pier yesterday,” Roman said. “So is it true?”

“You know I can’t discuss my patients with you. You know that,” she said.

Roman sneered at her, “Of course, you can’t.”

John waited for Marlena to say something, but she didn’t. She sat in his chair with a blank look on her face, and just seemed so very sad. John kneeled in front of her, taking the water glass from her hand, and placing it on the coffee table, saying, “You want to talk about it?”

“I can’t,” she said, wishing with every fiber of her being that she could talk to John the way she wanted to. The way she used to. Staring into John’s eyes, she said, almost helplessly, I can’t.”

“Doc…”

Sami rolled over, and opened her eyes. Seeing Marlena, she mumbled, sleepily, “I don’t want to go home.”

John reached for Sami, sitting on the floor, and pulling her into his lap. “Peanut, we talked about this, remember?”

“Yeah,” she said softly, snuggling into John.

“You said you were going to try. How can you try if you don’t go home?”

The little girl started crying, “I just love you so much, and I miss you so much!”

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. I promise.”

“I want you to still be my Daddy,” she whispered.

“I can’t be your Daddy…” John told her in a choked voice, “…but I can be like an uncle. I’m never going to stop caring about you. I’m never going to stop loving you, but you need to give your real Daddy a chance. He just wants a chance.”

“What if we give him a chance, and we still don’t like him, “Eric said sitting up, and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to cross that bridge if we get to it,” John said. “But you have to hold up your end of the deal first, Eric. You two promised to give Roman a chance.”

“Can we come back, and see you sometimes?” Sami asked him.

John looked at Marlena, saying, “That would be up to your Mom and Dad.”

Marlena wiped a tear from her cheek, and said, “I would never keep you away from John, Samantha. I promise, we’ll figure it out.”

“So we could visit? Like we did today?” Eric asked. “We could have Pizza Friday’s like we used to?”

“Maybe not every Friday,” Marlena said. “I’ll need to discuss it with your father, and with John.”

Eric sighed, “Okay…I’ll get my shoes on.”

Sami climbed off of Johns lap slowly, “Me too.”

John pulled Marlena to the floor beside him, and held her close, whispering, “Just answer this question for me, please. Did Roman argue with you all night?”

“John…”

“Did he?”

“Yes,” Marlena said quietly, making sure that the twins were out of earshot.

“Because of me? Because Sami and Eric were with me?”

“Yes,” she said, resting her exhausted head on his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“You should know,” she said looking up at him. “Isabella told Roman, I was seeing you as a patient.”

“Fuck, Doc,” John told her. “I’m sorry. I’ll talk to her. You don’t need her making things more difficult for you.”

Marlena looked up, and realized that Sami and Eric were watching them closely, so she pushed herself away, and stood up. “It’s fine…I—I pride myself on patient confidentiality, and I thought…you might not want her telling people your personal business.” 

John knew why Isabella had said something to Roman. It was to intentionally cause problems for Marlena. It was in the hope that Roman might somehow get Marlena to stop seeing him as a patient, and that made him more furious than anything. He didn’t care who knew he was seeing Marlena as a patient. That didn’t bother him, but Isabella intentionally trying to cause problems in Marlena’s marriage, in order to have Marlena drop him as a patient? That was manipulative, and devious. That was something he wouldn’t stand for. He didn’t care if she was pregnant with his child or not.

“I’m going to talk to her, Doc.”

“I don’t want to cause problems between the two of you,” she said.

“You mean like she obviously wanted to cause problems for you?” he said with rising frustration.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do, and I’ll talk to her. I promise,” he said, walking with her towards the door. 

Opening the door, Sami turned back to face John, and ran towards him, wrapping her small arms around his waist, “I love you, Daddy!”

“I love you, too, Peanut,” John said. Eric leaned close to Sami’s ear, whispering something that John couldn’t make out, and Sami pulled back, looking at Eric angrily. “I know that! I can call him what I want!” she yelled, stomping out into the hallway.

Eric hugged John tightly, and whispered, “I love you…John.”

“I love you, too, Eric.”

Once Eric was in the hall, Marlena looked up at John, noticing tears in his eyes, “Don’t cry. Oh, G-d, John…please don’t cry!” Her heart was breaking for him, and she reached up to wipe his tear away, but John stopped her. 

“I’m not,” he said, wiping his eyes quickly. “I’m not.”

Staring at him for a moment longer, Marlena finally said, “Okay. I’ll see you for your appointment on Tuesday?”

“Sure. Sure. I’ll see you Tuesday,” he said. After closing the door, John fell onto his couch, and cried for everything he’d lost.

Chapter 5

John found himself knocking on the door to Isabella’s loft early the next morning. A look of surprise came over her face, quickly followed by a huge smile, “John! I wasn’t expecting to see you!”

John stepped inside, saying, “I needed to speak with you about something.”

“Do you want some coffee? I just made a fresh pot,” she said, walking into the kitchen area, and taking two mugs from the cabinet. 

“Yeah, a cup of coffee would be nice,” John said, shrugging out of his jacket. 

“So,” she said with a smile, handing him his mug. “What did I do to deserve this surprise visit? I thought we were meeting for lunch.”

“Marlena said, that you told Roman she was seeing me as a patient,” John said, deciding to be direct with her.

“Oh, I may have mentioned it in passing,” Isabella said casually. “I ran into him on the pier the other night.”

“Isabella, that’s my business. Why would you tell him that?”

“I thought he knew already,” she said defensively.

“Marlena doesn’t discuss her patients with anyone, except her colleagues.”

“I just assumed that her husband would know that she was seeing her ex-husband as a patient. It was an honest mistake,” she said. “Would you like me to make you some breakfast?”

“That’s the thing,” he said, putting his mug down on the counter, and giving her a hard look. “I’m not sure if it was an honest mistake.”

Isabella was surprised that John had said that. She seemed to think the conversation was over. “John, I was walking on the pier, and ran into Roman. I casually mentioned that you were back in therapy, trying to learn more about your past. That’s all.”

“But there’s no reason to tell him that. You know he can’t stand me. You know he might have a problem if Marlena were my doctor! Why would you tell him anything?”

Isabella looked away. She began to rummage through the fridge, and finally pulled out some eggs and bacon, “The baby makes me so hungry.”

“Don’t change the subject,” John said.

“I’m not. I’m making breakfast. I don’t know what more you’d like me to say. I mentioned it to Roman. I’m sorry. When did you see Marlena, anyway?”

“Last night, when she was picking up the twins,” John said.

“And she just happened to mention to you, that I’d told Roman you were doing therapy with her? Why would she do that, unless she was trying to start trouble?” Isabella said haughtily, trying to deflect from what she had done.

“She was concerned that my fiancé was sharing information that I might not want shared,” John said, feeling himself get angry.

“You give her too much credit, John,” Isabella told him.

“I feel like you intentionally told Roman I was seeing Marlena for therapy to cause problems. Causing an argument between Marlena and Roman, might lead to her dropping me as a patient.” John watched as Isabella’s eyes flicked away from his for a moment, and he said, “That’s what you were hoping for, wasn’t it? You have been absolutely incensed over the fact that I am determined to learn about my past, but the thing that infuriates you the most is that Marlena is helping me do it? Isn’t that right?”

Isabella slammed the bacon onto the counter, “How many psychiatrists work at that hospital, John? How many? And she’s the only one you can see?”

“She’s the only one who knows me. She’s the only one I trust.”

“You didn’t even try to see another doctor!”

“I did! But Marlena had a good point, and I went with it.”

“A good point? So she talked you into seeing her, instead of someone else?” Isabella repeated with suspicion lacing her tone.

“I would have to rehash everything I already know with a new doctor. I would have to establish rapport with a new doctor. And then there’s the hypnosis…Isabella, I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone else enough for the hypnosis to work!”

“Hypnosis? Why is that a requirement?”

“I can’t remember anything without it,” he said. “That’s the problem with amnesia. Sometimes I dream things, but I forget, almost as soon as I wake up. It’s working. I’m remembering things.”

“What kind of things?” she asked.

“I’m—I’m not ready to get into it just yet, but I am remembering things, Izzy-B.”

“But you won’t tell me what?”

“No. Not yet,” he said softly.

Isabella felt herself getting angry again, “Why not? If we’re supposed to be starting our lives together, and relationships are built on trust…why can’t you share this part of your life with me?”

“Isabella,” John said quietly. “I’m—I’m just not ready.” He wasn’t ready to share it with her, when he was still feeling so vulnerable. He wasn’t ready to share with her, when she had used his therapy to intentionally drive a wedge between Marlena and Roman.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami and Eric had tried to be more receptive of Roman, and Roman was still working on forming a relationship with them. What he struggled with was their expectations. The twins had lived their lives with John having certain rules, and ways of doing things, and every time Roman was reminded of that he felt bitterness rise up in him. 

“Sami?” Roman asked. She looked up from where she sat, working on a school project. “Can you put the syrup in the pantry?”

“We keep it in the refrigerator,” she said, standing up.

“That makes it hard to pour. Put it in the pantry,” he said.

“We have to keep it in the refrigerator, because last time we got ants. My dad said—”

“I’m your father, Sami! Just do as I say!” Roman finally burst out.

She looked up at him, with tears in her eyes, and screamed at him, “My Daddy doesn’t yell at me! My Daddy doesn’t make me feel stupid! I hate you! I hate you!” She threw the glass bottle of syrup across the kitchen, causing it to shatter when it hit the wall, and ran from the kitchen sobbing.

“Samantha Gene Brady!” Roman roared. “Get back here, and clean up this fucking mess!”

“Roman!” Marlena yelled, coming into the house from the garage with her arms full of groceries. “I don’t know what happened here, but we don’t talk to our children like that!” She placed the bags on the counter, and exited after Sami.

She found Sami in her room, sobbing into her pillows. “Sami?” Marlena whispered. “Sami, honey?”

Her daughter looked up with swollen, red, tear filled eyes, and she said, “I hate him, Mama.”

Marlena hesitated. Sami needed to retain her autonomy, and Marlena felt like she could tackle those intense emotions after Sami had calmed down. Smoothing her soft fingers over her daughters hair, and pulling her close, Marlena said gently, “Sami…tell me what happened.”

“He—he told me to put the syrup in the pantry, but—but we don’t put it in the pantry, because we got ants once, and Daddy said, we keep it in the refrigerator now.” Sami was struggling to calm herself down, so she could speak. “I tried to tell him, and he just yelled at me. He wouldn’t even listen. He wouldn’t listen…I—I tried to talk, and he wouldn’t listen!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Sami,” Marlena told her gently. “I don’t want you to think that you did.”

“I feel like I—I don’t know what I can say, and what I can’t say…because he always gets mad at me…I just want him to go away…I want to go away…”

Marlena had noticed that Eric and Sami were putting more effort into getting to know Roman, but Roman’s continued animosity towards John was making it difficult. He got angry when the twins mentioned anything related to John, and this was just another example. Marlena kissed Sami, “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I broke the syrup. I’m sorry.”

“Sometimes when we get angry…we throw things, but then we have to clean up our messes,” Marlena told her. 

“Do you throw things?”

Marlena smiled, remembering when she and John were married, and she’d tossed a whole chicken at him, “I have.”

Sami’s eyes got large, “What did you do?”

“I got angry at John once…and I threw a raw chicken at him.”

Sami burst into laughter, “Your threw a chicken at my Daddy?”

Marlena paused before she said softly, “I did…and then I had to clean up my mess, just like I need you to come downstairs, and help me clean up your mess.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena scribbled furiously in her notebook, trying to keep track of what John was saying. “John, can you tell me more about your surroundings? What can you see?”

“It’s dark. The air is…the air is brackish. I’m in a basement…it’s like a dungeon,” he says. “I’m…I’m tied down…on a table,” he says. His body jerks violently.

“Who is with you? Are you alone ?”

John growls, low in his throat, “Stefano…Celeste…Rolf…” Marlena writes down the names, only recognizing Stefano’s. She’s about to ask another question, when John screams, “No!”

“John what’s happening? Remember, this is a memory,” she said. “Stand outside of it, and watch it like a memory. Can you do that?”

His breathing is still elevated, but he says in a husky voice, “Yes.”

“Can you tell me what’s happening?”

“I’m being tattooed. Stefano said he owns me now. I’ve been marked with his crest, and I belong to him…”

“Do you know where you are? Where Stefano might be holding you?”

John whispered, “Maison Blanche.” His body shudders again, and Marlena decides to bring him out of the hypnosis.

John opened his eyes, feeling the fabric of his shirt stick to the sweat of his skin in an uncomfortable way. His eyes lifted to meet Marlena’s, and she asked him, “Would you like some water, John?”

“Yes,” he said shakily, sitting up with some effort. Marlena handed him the water, their fingers brushing as he took the glass, and their eyes locked again, while John whispered, “Thanks.”

Sitting beside him, she gently rubbed her hand over his back, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “It’s weird, you know? It’s almost as if I just got my tattoo…I can still feel the pain in my shoulder…”

“I recorded the session, and I took notes, if you ever want to review it,” Marlena said, moving to stand up.

John reached for her arm, halting her movement, “Could you…just sit with me for a moment?”

Marlena nods, watching his hand shake as he holds the glass of water, “Are you sure you’re okay, John?”

“No,” he whispered. “Stefano’s voice. I can hear him in my mind, and I can hear him saying that I belong to him. He owns me, and Doc, even though I know he’s gone…I still feel the fear like it just happened.”

Marlena ran her fingers along his jaw, gently, “John, you’re making excellent progress with the hypnosis. You don’t have to rush this process. We can take a couple weeks off, if you would like?”

Shaking his head, John said, “No. No, Doc. I need to know. I need to know more about Maison Blanche. I need to know more about how I came to be under his control.” His hand reached for hers, when she dropped it from his face, and he threaded his fingers with hers. Looking at their entwined hands he said gently, “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me, John. I practically forced you to let me help.”

“Thank you, all the same,” he said, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her palm. “You were right. I wouldn’t have been able to do this with any other doctor. The trust required…it wouldn’t work.”

“John, I would do anything for you…anything,” Marlena whispered. Their eyes locked again, and Marlena imagined what it might feel like to kiss John again, to feel his hands on her body. Clearing her throat, she stood up quickly, “So, your next appointment…let me see what I have available…”

Chapter 6

Marlena sat in the quiet solitude of her office at the end of a long day. Roman had been unhappy that she assigned the hit and run case for the man who had hit Kimberly. His arguments had whittled her down to almost nothing, and she had finally given the case over to a colleague. Roman spoke to her as if she were incompetent, as if he understood the intricacies of her job better than she did. He argued, and he fought with her until she had simply given up. Someone else would be handling the Roger Lombard case now. 

Roman was slowly breaking her down. She wasn’t ready to move forward with him, at least not physically, the way he wanted her too. Even though he had said he’d give her time, Marlena knew the clock was ticking. Maybe if she went ahead, and slept with him, it would bring something back for her. It was possible that her old feelings for him would return with the same strength they’d once had. All she had to do was try, but she couldn’t get over the feeling that being with Roman was cheating on John. She knew that there was no John. The problem was, as it stood right then, her feelings for Roman were lukewarm at best.

Standing up from her desk, Marlena took off her jacket. Her remaining cream lace chemise revealing smooth creamy shoulders dotted with freckles. She walked towards her bathroom, intent on washing the days make-up from her face, and changing her clothes. She was prepared to settle in for the next few hours, and update her client notes. She was going to make sure she was comfortable while she did it. Sami was at a sleepover with a friend, and Eric was sleeping over at the fish market with Shawn D. 

Marlena looked at herself in the mirror, and noted the fatigue she saw there. A faint purple hue had settled under her eyes. Her previously blow dried and styled hair, had given up and was starting to curl around her face. Marlena smiled, thinking that John had always liked her hair when it was curly. Turning to the closet, she took out a pair of sage green joggers with a matching sweater, and placed them on the shelf behind her, while her mind wandered to days long past. 

Recently, her mind had been thinking of John more often. It was likely because they were spending so much time together during his hypnosis sessions. He was learning things that left him vulnerable, and she was part of that process. They had grown closer. She woke in the middle of the night, breathing deeply, and aroused, after dreams of his hands roaming her body with rough abandon. She would remember his sounds of pleasure as he drove into her body.  Between her arguments with Roman, and her vivid dreams, Marlena was ready to prescribe herself something to sleep. 

She ran cold water over a wash rag, and began to slowly remove her make-up, while she remembered a moment with John when they were married.

“Roman,” she whispered, as he licked his way along the column of her neck. “We’re in my office…”

“Technically we’re in your office bathroom,” he whispered, softly running his palm over the satin of her chemise. “You took your jacket off, and I had to touch you…I had to touch you…”

A moan sounded low in her throat, “Roman…Roman…” The feel of his hands rising over her abdomen to cup her breasts, and the feel of his fingers as they pulled an plucked at her nipples, caused her to moan again, “Roman…not here…”

“Yes, here,” he moaned, watching her in the mirror. “I can’t stop. I won’t be able to leave this office with my cock as hard as it is.”

Marlena gasped, feeling his hard length pressing against her backside. She wanted him. She wanted him all of the time. They couldn’t seem to get enough of each other, and even though she had never done anything in her office with Roman before, since his return…they had made love all over the house, and once in the car. 

John’s fingers fumbled with the button at the back of her skirt, and their eyes met in the mirror, “I need you, Doc. All the time. I can’t get enough of you.”

Her breathing was becoming more erratic, and she gasped, “Did you lock the door?”

“I can,” he said with a grin.

John knocked softly on Marlena’s office door. Chelsea had obviously gone home for the day, since it was after 5:30 pm. Trying the door, he realized it was unlocked. He stepped inside and heard the water in the bathroom running. If asked later, John couldn’t have said what drew him towards her, but he walked closer. The door was slightly ajar, and John could see Marlena, standing before the sink. She was wearing a lace-edged chemise, cut low in the front. Watching the fabric move over her skin, the outline of her nipples under the satin, and John could feel his body reacting. He knew he should leave. He was with Isabella. Marlena was with Roman, but he was transported to another time…

“Take the skirt off, Doc,” Roman told her, his voice husky with desire. He watched as her hands moved behind her, unfastening the button there, and her skirt fell to the floor. Marlena stared at him, and kicked it away. He felt his cock grow even more rigid at the sight of her. The thigh high stockings, the satin teddy, cut high around her hips, and the heels, “Fuck, Doc. I want you so bad.”

Marlena stepped towards him, running her palm up his chest slowly, “I’m yours, Roman. You know that.”

“Put your hands on the sink, baby,” he told her. She immediately turned, placing her palms on the edge of the sink, and he watched as she spread her legs slightly, glancing over her shoulder at him. His palms settle on the backs of Marlena’s thighs, sliding upwards over her ass, and eventually cupping her breasts as they swayed with her movement. The way she complied with his request without question, made his cock grow harder, almost painful,“Fuck woman, you drive me mad,” he growled. “You drive me fucking mad.”

Marlena moaned, lost in her memory, and when she looked up, her eyes locked with John’s. She rasped out, almost desperate for his touch, “John…”

He came back to the present, staring at her arousal blown hazel eyes, and he said, pushing the door to the bathroom open, “Doc…I came to…fuck, you’re gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous, Doc…”

Marlena knew he shouldn’t be there. He should leave. They both had commitments to other people, “John…we…”

He stepped closer, “I should leave…”

“You should,” she said staring up at him, even as his fingers ran along her collarbone softly, playing with the thin strap that held the flimsy satin chemise in place.

“I shouldn’t be touching you,” he murmured. “But I was remembering another time…”

“I was too,” she said breathlessly, reaching to touch his jaw. She was caught up in a spell. The spell that was John and Marlena. It was consuming, and forbidden. She jerked her hand away from his face quickly, turning away, and saying, “Just give me a moment. I’ll—I’ll be right out…”

He didn’t leave. He stepped up behind her, even closer, and his hands settled on her hips, “I dream about you sometimes.” She felt the rigid length of his cock against her, and she moaned deeply. Marlena became silent, her breathing coming quicker, and her head fell back against his chest.

“I dream about touching you…” he said, smoothing his splayed palms up over her ribs, stopping just short of her breasts. “…and I shouldn’t, should I? I’m supposed to forget you, right? Forget what we were? Forget what we could have been?”

“John,” she rasped. “John, this—this is wrong…”

He pulled her hair back over her shoulder, and leaned down, kissing her neck softly with moist, hot, lips, before pulling back, “I’ll wait in your office, Doc.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sami went running into the kitchen, looking for her mother, and stopped short when she saw Roman. Hearing her mother in the laundry room, Sami looked away from Roman, and walked by him without another word. When she entered the laundry room, she saw Marlena leaning over, heaving laundry into the dryer, “Hi, Mama!”

“Sami,” Marlena said. “Did you finish cleaning your room?”

“Yes!” Sami said excitedly. “Eric did too, and we packed our overnight bags. We’re ready to go.”

“Well you still have a little time to wait, Samantha,” Marlena told her daughter. “I told John, I’d drop you both off at 6:30. It’s barely 5 o’clock.”

Sami’s smile dropped, “Can’t you take us early?”

“I can’t. Go read a book, or play a board game with Eric,” Marlena said. “I have to finish up the laundry.”

“Fine,” Sami mumbled, walking sullenly back through the kitchen.

Marlena walked out of the laundry room a few minutes later, to find Roman sitting at the kitchen table staring into his coffee mug. “Doc,” he said, without looking up. “I need to speak with you.”

“If it’s about the children spending the night with John, we’ve already discussed it,” Marlena said. “Their grades are better. Sami’s not had any referrals to the office…as much as you don’t like it, keeping them away from John is hurting them.”

“It’s not about that,” Roman said.

Marlena watched him for a moment. He was acting funny, not making eye contact, and without his usual air of arrogance, “What’s going on Roman?”

“I’d like you to stop seeing John as a patient,” he said.

Marlena was taken aback for a moment, as she stared at him, “I can’t do that, Roman.”

“You did it with the Lombard case. You gave that up when I asked you to,” Roman said, his voice rising in volume.

“Roman, you harangued me nearly all evening over that! But, if you must know, I hadn’t even started sessions with the family. It was easy to let that case be handled by another doctor,” Marlena said.

“How is this any different?”

“It is. John is making good progress. He’s-he’s…”

“He’s what, Doc?”

“You know I can’t tell you, Roman,” she said, moving to look out the window over the backyard. 

“You can’t or you won’t?” Roman said. 

Marlena realized that he’d gotten up, and was standing close to her. She turned towards his voice, and said, “I can’t talk about my patients. I’m not giving John’s case over to another doctor. I won’t.”

“What happened to you?” Roman asked her.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve changed,” he said.

“I have. There are things that I’ve gone through that you refuse to talk about, Roman. There is so much you don’t know about me, because you want to forget the past, but the past, and what I’ve gone through, has made me who I am,” Marlena said.

“When the twins were born, we were a team, Doc. You let me take the lead on things, and you didn’t spend all of your time arguing with me.”

“Then you left us, Roman. You left us, and you were gone for seven years. I was raising the twins and Carrie on my own,” Marlena told him.

“Not for long,” Roman said with bitterness, thinking of her being with John.

Marlena wasn’t sure what made her do it, but she wanted him to know that she had lived another life when he was gone. She wanted him to stop focusing on himself for once, and consider her, “I dated people, Roman. Before John came to Salem, I didn’t stop living because you weren’t here. Did you think I did?”

Roman watched her warily, his eyes narrowing, “Who did you date?”

“Richard Cates. Chris Kostichek, briefly,” Marlena said. “Then John came to town.”

Roman practically roared, “You were only with John because you thought he was me!”

“That’s not true, Roman! I’m not trying to hurt you, but I was already in love with him, when he was John Black…even when we worried he might be Stefani DiMera,” she whispered softly.

Roman’s hands gripped her arms, shaking her, as his fingers dug into her flesh, “You didn’t! You couldn’t!”

Marlena cried out, “Roman, let go! You’re hurting me!”

“Don’t fucking tell me you thought he was Stefano, and you still loved him!”

Marlena pulled herself away from Roman, and stepped back with a stumble, “Love isn’t something you control, Roman! You can’t turn it on and off on a whim! I was already in love with John…thinking he was Stefano, it scared me, yes, but it didn’t change how I felt!”

Roman stared at her as if he didn’t recognize her at all. What she was saying, left him reeling. Richard Cates? Chris Kostichek? The fact that she’d loved John before she’d thought he was Roman? Kicking a kitchen chair across the room, Roman turned on his heel, and left the kitchen, with the door swinging so hard it slammed into the wall.

Chapter 7

“We have to move faster!” John said, his eyes moving rapidly under his closed eyelids. “Gina accidentally tripped the alarm. We won’t get another chance, we have to do it now!”

Marlena was quickly jotting down her notes, and had already flipped the cassette tape to the other side for recording. Todays session had been surprising. Marlena usually placed John under hypnosis and guided him based on his last session, but today, he had immediately gone somewhere else.

Stefano had used John as his mercenary, that was common knowledge. John being an art thief was not, but then Marlena thought about John’s odd behavior when the codices were unveiled, and how he had disassociated while his hands hovered over the glass case. Marlena had pulled him back, getting his attention by whispering his name fervently in his ear. She remembered looking around, and hoping they hadn’t drawn any attention. John had been confused and disoriented afterwards, telling Marlena he needed to go home.

“John, your partner. Her name is Gina, does she have a last name?” Marlena asked him.

“Von Amberg. Princess Gina von Amberg,” he said. “Fuck!” John shouted. “We have to go, now!”

“John, step outside the memory. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” he said, catching his breath slowly. “Yes.”

“You’re at a museum? Which one?”

“It’s a home. Someone’s home.”

“Which painting are you after?”

“A Cézanne,” he whispered, with a small smile. “Pyramid of Skulls. Stefano needs it for his collection. Gina paints the counterfeits. No one will even know it’s gone.”

“John, I’m going to bring you out now. You will remember everything you’ve told me, and you will even be able to recall your feelings for Gina, as well as what she looked like. I’m going to count backwards from five, and when I get to one, you will open your eyes…five…four…three…two…one…”

John’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared at Marlena for a moment, overwhelmed with everything he had just learned. “Doc…” he started to say, but he couldn’t even form a coherent thought. His hand reached for her, and she stood up, coming to sit beside him.

Marlena touched his cheek softly, “Are you okay?”

“He had me stealing fucking paintings?”

“John, it’s a lot, I know. I have the recordings for this session. You may want to…you may want to go over them again, as well as my notes,” she said softly.

“Gina…Doc, the woman named Gina…she looked like Hope,” he said. “She looked just like Hope.”

“I wonder if there’s a way to research her? Maybe Shane knows something about her?”

“I was in love with her, Doc. I know that…I can still feel it,” he said.

Marlena’s heart jolted. She knew she shouldn’t ask, but yet she couldn’t stop herself, “Do you still love Gina?”

John looked up at her, thinking that he loved Marlena more than anything or anyone in the world, and he whispered, “No. But I did once.” He tossed his legs over the side of the couch, standing up abruptly. Shoving his hands through his hair, John walked towards the window in Marlena’s office, and said, “This is all so fucked up, Doc!”

Marlena approached him, smoothing her palm over the back of the flannel shirt he wore for his work on the docks, “John, we’re going to take all of these pieces and put the puzzle together. I promised to help you do that.”

The heat of her hand, made him tremble, and the breathy sound of her voice had his cock reacting in his pants. John knew he should step away. He was so vulnerable after these sessions. Without turning around, he said roughly, “I know we will, Doc. I know that. It’s everything, you know? Isabella’s planning the wedding, the baby coming in a couple months, and the dreams…my dreams have become more frequent since we started the hypnosis.”

“Do you remember them?”

“Some of them. I remember bits and pieces when I wake up, but then it’s almost as if they disappear and they never were,” John said softly.

“Have you thought about keeping a notepad beside the bed? We could use your dreams to help guide your sessions,” she said, as she stared at her hand, still resting on John’s back. She had an almost overwhelming desire to rest her face on his back, to rub her cheek on him, and breath him in for comfort. 

Marlena stepped back so quickly, that John glanced back at her curiously, wishing he could pull her back to him. “You all right, Doc?”

“I’m fine, John,” she said, walking across the room, gathering up her tape recorder and her notes from their session. “I really think a notepad next to your bed might help us in this process.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that,” he said distractedly, while staring at Marlena’s shapely ass. He could imagine lifting her skirt, and gripping her hips while he slid into her wet heat. It was almost too much for him. In a raspy voice, he said, “I need to get to work.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena watched John closely. They were having weekly sessions, and each one seemed to be more intense than the last. Having filled one notebook, she had gotten another one. John’s last session had been intense. After he’d left her office in such a hurry, she had fallen to the couch in a mixture of relief and regret. Both dangerous emotions when viewed through a lens of emotional infidelity.

John was under hypnosis, but something was different this time. Although his eyes darted back and forth, he seemed unable to move or speak.

“Is he adequately sedated, Rolf?” Stefano asked with curiosity.

“He’s awake, but unable to move,” Rolf replied. “I can do the surgery, keeping him awake, so that I can gauge his brain function, while keeping him immobile at the same time.”

“And this microchip, it will allow you to switch him back and forth between memories? Personalities?” Stefano wondered.

“Yes. He has the memories of the the surgeon, and the art thief,…just as you requested,” Rolf said. “We can potentially add more later, if you wanted. There is additional memory on the chip. He will still retain his own memories, those of the seminarian Forrest Alamain, although, as you requested, those memories were modified. He will believe he graduated the seminary and was ordained.”

“You can do that? Make him believe he was ordained when he wasn’t?” Stefano asked excitedly.

“I already have,” Rolf said with a smile, impressed with his own genius.

John heard everything. Every word seared into his mind as fear welled up inside him. He had to remember who he was. He was Forrest Alamain. He was twenty-two years old. He was going to be a priest and spend his life serving G-d. As much as he tried to move his body, he was frozen, unable to even twitch his smallest finger.

“So, the microchip…you are able to link it directly to his nervous system. How amazing, Rolf! Imagine what we will be able to do with this technology!”

“I’m already working on updating this prototype. The things I might be able to do with this…”

“Gina has finished the three paintings I asked for, once you have completed the implantation, his training will begin,” Stefano said.

John’s eyes continued to move rapidly. He hadn’t spoken for several minutes, and Marlena was worried. John had never gone under hypnosis, and frozen up like that before. Leaning forward to place her notebook on the table, Marlena sat beside John, smoothing his hair away from his forehead, realizing his skin was cold and clammy. She couldn’t wait, and decided to bring him out of the hypnosis. “John, I’m going to bring you out now. I want you to remember everything you’ve seen…five…four…three…two…one…”

His eyes opened in a flash and his body jolted forward, as a scream of panic ripped from his throat, “No!”

Something was wrong. Marlena could sense it. She reached for him, touching his face softly, gently, “John…John, honey, look at your surroundings. You’re in my office. Do you recognize it?”

“Yes,” he rasped, still looking around with panic filled eyes. “Yes.” He turned his head, his eyes locking with hers. It was then that she noticed the tears, falling over his cheeks.

“Oh, John,” she said softly, her heart breaking for the pain she saw in him. Wiping the wetness from his cheeks with her thumbs, she reached forward, and pulled him into her. John’s arms wrapped around her, as he barely choked out, “Doc…Doc…”

He remembered what he saw, what he’d experienced. Very slowly, he lifted one arm from around her, and gingerly touched the back of his neck. He’d never thought about it. It had never been a concern for him, but he ran his fingers over it now. The small scar, just under his hairline. 

Marlena pulled back, looking down at John, and realizing how close they were. Her breath hitched, as she said, “You didn’t move at all. You didn’t say anything, but your eyes were rapidly moving back and forth…you were only under for a few minutes, but I was worried. Something happened.”

“Doc…I think there’s something in my neck…a microchip, wired into my nervous system,” John said softly. “I was in surgery. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. Rolf and Stefano were discussing the memories they were giving me.” Marlena couldn’t speak for shock, but quickly snatched up her notepad, and checked to make sure the recorder was still on. She started taking notes, as John continued speaking, “I was twenty-two. A seminarian, but not ordained. Rolf had mapped the minds of an art thief, and a surgeon…I don’t know their names…but I feel like it’s—shit! It’s in my head somewhere, but I can’t get to it!”

John’s deep blue eyes stared into Marlena’s hazel ones, and both of them felt their breathing stutter a little. He was feeling completely lost, the fear, and the anger still ravaging his body. He’d been a victim of a mental hijacking, and the only person he trusted to help him was six inches away. His hand reached up, almost of its own volition, and he touched her cheek softly, saying, “The only person I can trust is you.”

“John,” Marlena whispered. “You have people who love you. You have Isabella.”

He sighed, letting his hand drop to his leg, murmuring, “Isabella.”

“Don’t you?” she asked him.

John looked away, “Sure.”

Marlena hated to think that John had these sessions with her, reliving trauma that he’d endured, and had no one to talk to about it in his life. “She’s still not supporting you,” she stated.

He didn’t reply. He couldn’t reply. Isabella took every opportunity to try and convince John to stop his sessions with Marlena. Her insecurities and her distrust of Marlena driving every conversation. So, instead of replying to Marlena’s words, John leaned forward, enveloping her in his arms again, and tucked his face into her neck breathing deeply of her perfume.

Holding him while he shook in her arms, Marlena was very aware that they had crossed the line of professionalism. She would never hold a patient the way she was holding John. She would never allow a patient to hold her, the way she was allowing John to hold her, but his pain was palpable, and she couldn’t ignore that.

She felt his nose slowly move along the column of her neck, and she felt his inhalation against her skin. Softly, he brushed his lips over her, not kissing her, just a brush of his pillowy lips over her flesh. Marlena’s body shuddered, and she laced her fingers into his hair, scratching her nails over his scalp. A moan escaped him, “Marlena…”

Her body nearly quaked with desire when John moaned her name. She tried to pull away from him, but he clung to her tighter, “Doc, please…”

“John…stop,” she said softly. “We can’t do this…” 

But then his lips kissed her collarbone softly, and he whispered against her skin, “I just need to forget.” He kissed her again at her jawline. A soft, open kiss, that left a faint moistness behind which chilled in the air of the room. “Just let me forget,” he said, kissing her cheek.

Her mind was at war with her heart. There was no other way to explain it, as he kissed her again at the corner of her mouth. Marlena pulled back, intent on pushing him away, but he looked at her, and they were so close, she could read his soul in one glance. She gave up, uttering, “Oh, G-d!” right before John’s lips moved softly over hers. It was a gentle kiss, soft lips pulling at hers, while she gasped out breathy pants against his mouth.

John licked over her, brushing his tongue alongside hers as her flavor exploded over him. John pulled back, brushing her hair from her face, and he whispered, “Thank you.”

Chapter 8

Roman watched Marlena as she slept. She was moaning, while her head burrowed into her pillow in a sea of blonde curls. Gasping pants, and light sighs, that reminded him of times long before, when she allowed him to make love to her body and touch her. When she allowed him to drive into her depths. When she wanted him. He wanted to touch her now, but he didn’t. He just continued to watch her, as his dick got harder, and he became more frustrated.

Marlena sat in her chair at her desk in her office. Her legs had been spread wide, held open by John’s splayed hands, and her skirt pushed up past her hips. “John!” she said softly, quietly, so Chelsea wouldn’t hear them. “John, we—”

He shoved two fingers into her swollen wetness, hooking them forward, and rubbed them over her g-spot, staring up at her. “Don’t tell me no, baby,” he rasped against the soft skin of her inner thigh, as he licked a long line up to her center. “Please don’t tell me no, Doc.”

Her head fell back against her chair, as she gasped again. “Oh, G-d! John! We…we shouldn’t—”

“But you want to…don’t you?”

The moist heat of his breath hovered over her pussy, as he spoke to her. She heard his intake of air as he breathed in her scent, and it drove her nearly mad, but she had to think of Roman…of Isabella. “John! John! What about Roman? What about Isabella?” she gasped.

He tipped his head back, staring up at her with his dark indigo gaze, and he whispered, “What about us?”

“John…”

“We’re in your office…Doc, baby, no one will know…I won’t tell a soul. If you want, I’ll never mention it again,” he whispered, as he pulled his fingers out of her swollen folds, only to push them back in roughly. 

“No one will know?” she whispered breathlessly.

“No one but you and me…please, Doc…please…” he begged, staring up at her, helpless and waiting for her answer, as he continued to fuck her with his fingers. When John started rubbing the pad of his thumb over her clit roughly, Marlena was lost as her orgasm rolled through her, wracking her body. Her head rolled back, and she cried out, “Oh, fuck! John!”

Roman scrambled out of bed, staring at his wife in shock, as she whispered, “John…John, please. I need you.” He’d watched her orgasm in her sleep, and he could smell her arousal. His cock was so hard, he could barely think, and he had to get away from her, and out of this house. Glancing at the clock in desperation, Roman noticed it was barely 1:00 am. The Cheatin’ Heart was still open, and he was going to go drown himself in whiskey and bourbon. 

Marlena woke suddenly, gasping for air, and feeling the wetness from her orgasm along her inner thighs, as it dripped along the crease of her ass, making her sticky. She stared at the ceiling, trying to control her breathing, afraid she’d woken Roman…only to realize that Roman wasn’t beside her in the bed. Hearing muffled sounds coming from the bathroom, she knew immediately that she’d woken him up. Marlena’s heart started racing, and she wondered what she might have said, or done, in her sleep. Getting out of bed slowly, she approached the bathroom.

Inside she heard the tell-tale grunts that indicated exactly what Roman was doing. She felt sick to her stomach. Sick over the fact that her marriage was failing, and she blamed herself, and sick over the fact that she couldn’t seem to find it within herself to make it work. The thought of making love to Roman felt like to the worst betrayal to John. And yet, John had made his choice. She knew she shouldn’t feel guilty at all. She shouldn’t, but then she remembered John’s kiss in her office. The brush of his lips over hers, and her core clenched, beginning to throb once more.

With one last pull on his cock, Roman came all over his hand. He leaned on the sink edge to catch his breath before he started cleaning himself up. In his mind, he saw his wife’s body clench up, her back arching, as she cried out, “Oh, fuck! John!” He thought she didn’t speak like that, but maybe when she was fucking John she did. Roman still felt his insides quivering in anger, and he wrenched the bathroom door open, stepping into the bedroom, only to find Marlena sitting on the end of the bed waiting for him.

She looked up at him, “Roman, we need to talk.”

“Talk about what, Doc? Talk about how you won’t kiss me, but you dream of fucking John Black while you sleep next to me? You want to talk about that?”

“People have no control over their dreams,” she said. “I’m sorry you heard that. I’m…I’m sorry. That’s all I can say.”

“Are you fucking him?” Roman asked her, stepping closer. So close that he nearly hovered over her. “Is that what’s happening during John’s sessions with you?”

“Roman!” Marlena gasped in shock. “I can’t believe that you would even suggest such a thing.”

“You didn’t answer the question, Doc,” Roman said. “You sure as fuck dream about him. You had me so hard, I had to take care of myself in the bathroom. Do you know what it feels like to wake up next to you when you’re breathing hard, and gasping in your sleep. I know those sounds. I knew what you were dreaming about, but when you started coming, and you shouted out John’s name…”

“I’m sorry. That shouldn’t have happened,” she said softly.

“I’m going out,” he said abruptly. “I can’t go back to sleep after that, and I sure as hell don’t want to sleep next to you.”

Marlena sat on the end of her bed, crying softly, as she heard the door downstairs slam with Roman’s exit. She was grateful that the twins were staying with Caroline and Shawn. The clock read almost 1:30 am. She stood up, thinking that she might be able to get a few more hours of sleep before work, but she realized her panties were still wet, and she would need to change them.

Flashes of her dream kept coming back to her. The feel of John’s breath on her pussy. The soft wetness of his tongue over the skin of her inner thigh. The rough way his fingers hooked inside her, rubbing over that one spot that could always make her scream. Marlena felt her core clench, as she stepped out of her panties. Picking them up, she stared at them for a moment before walking them over to the hamper, and heading back to climb into bed. 

As much as she tried to sleep, it eluded her. Her center was swollen, and throbbing again, causing her to moan in frustration. This was wrong. It was so wrong, but her small hand pulled her nightgown up around her hips anyway. Her fingers found herself wet and swollen, even as she told herself to stop. And for the second time that night, Marlena cried out for John, as her back arched and she orgasmed on her own fingers.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

A knock sounded on the door to Marlena’s office. Glancing up from the file she was looking over, she called, “Come in.”

The door opened slowly, and John poked his head in with a smile, “Hey, Doc.”

She felt her heart flutter, and her belly roll. Smiling at him, she said, “John! We don’t have an appointment today…not that I’m not happy to see you. I’m always happy to see you.”

“Can’t a friend stop by to say hi to another friend?” he told her, setting down a bag that smelled suspiciously like Chinese food. “Do you have lunch plans?”

“I think I do now,” she said, closing the file, and standing up to stretch her back. She had been updating her files, and notes for at least two hours, and her body was complaining.

As Marlena stretched, John’s eyes roamed over her. He felt like her skirt was slimmer cut, and slightly shorter than usual, but the color, a soft plaid of pastel pink, was quite flattering. He remembered nights when those legs had wrapped around his hips, as he drove into her. He must have been staring for too long, because when his eyes lifted, John found Marlena watching him, so he said casually, “You look good, Doc.”

A blush colored her cheeks, “Thank you.”

Trying to distract himself, he told her, “So, I’ve got all your favorites.” His hands delved into the bag, pulling out take-out containers, and placing them the table in her office.

Marlena smiled when he handed her a pair of chopsticks, “You’re amazing, and I’m starving.” Sitting on opposite ends of the couch, Marlena kicked her shoes off, and curled her legs underneath her, while digging into a container of egg foo young. When the flavor burst over her tongue, she moaned.

Her moan made the muscles of John’s abdomen roll, and tighten. He wanted to tell her she was gorgeous. He wanted to tell her that all he could think about was kissing her again. He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t sure he wanted to marry Isabella, even if she was having his child, but instead he said, “Isabella has been busy finishing up the last minute details for the wedding. You got the invitation, didn’t you?”

Shoving a dumpling in her mouth, Marlena smiled around her chopsticks. Swallowing her food quickly, she told him, “I did. It arrived yesterday. Are you excited?”

John wasn’t sure what he was, so he replied, “Nervous? I don’t remember being this nervous when I married you, Doc. But, then again, when I married you, I thought we were already married.”

“Being nervous is completely normal. You’re starting a new chapter in your life. That’s bound to cause a little trepidation,” she told him softly. “Are you planning to move into the loft after you’re married, or are you looking for another place?”

John was quiet for a moment, before he said, “We’re going to live in the loft for awhile, although probably not for long. It only has two bedrooms, and we’re going to outgrow that quickly. I remember how much stuff came with the twins. Cribs, playpens, swings, bouncer chairs, bottles, diapers bags…I could go on, but I’m sure you remember.”

“I do,” she said with a laugh. “I remember the first time you tried to change Eric’s diaper, and he peed in your mouth!”

“Don’t remind me, Doc! That was horrible! I never trusted that kid again,” John said with a look of disgust. He got quiet, and he whispered, “Did I tell you it’s a boy?”

“A boy! John, that’s wonderful,” she said. “You’re going to be a wonderful father.”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“John, Eric and Sami love you so much. They are such amazing children…and that’s because of you. You know that don’t you? You have to know that,” Marlena told him.

Smiling at her, he said, “They are pretty great kids.” John leaned forward, looking into the container she held, “Is there any more egg foo young in there? Or did you eat it all?”

“Is there any fried rice left?” she asked with a smirk.

“Trade?” John said, holding his container towards her. Their fingers brushed alongside each other as they traded take-out containers, and Marlena’s mind showed her flashes of her dream the night before. John’s head between her legs. His fingers pushing their way in and out of her roughly. Her breath hitched, and John asked her, “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said softly. “Just a cold chill.”

John watched her, knowing that she was lying, but didn’t push the issue. There were a lot of things they avoided discussing, and their attraction to one another was just something they both continued to push under the rug, but Marlena’s eyes…her eyes told a different story. The uptick in her breathing, and the way her pupils dilated. She was an aura of sex in that moment, but if she wanted to lie to him, he’d let her.

Chapter 9

Marlena sat on the couch in her office, across from John. He seemed tired, and he was dirty from a long day on the docks. His appointment had been scheduled a little later in the day, due to his work schedule, and they were just finishing up. Marlena looked up from their notes, and asked him softly, “Have you given any more thought to speaking with Lawrence? I believe you have recalled enough memories to move forward with the DNA request.”

John’s hand weaved roughly through his hair, and he replied, “I’ve thought about it…but, G-d, Doc, how does a person even start a conversation like that?”

“You could invite him here, if it would make you more comfortable? The environment is more structured, and I could—I could support you though it,” she said.

“I don’t know what I’d say. Seriously what do you say in this type of situation? ‘Hey Larry, I know we hate each other, and I think you’re a slime ball, but I think I’m your long dead brother Forrest. I’ve got a locket to prove it, and a bunch of random memories if that helps’,” John said sarcastically.

Marlena smiled at him indulgently, reaching forward for his hand, to lightly stroke his palm with her thumb, “John…we could script it out before he got here. If that would help you.”

“He’s going to think I’m after his money. Vivian’s definitely going to believe I’m after the money…” he hedged, hoping that Marlena understood his wariness.

“You know your truth, John. I know your truth,” Marlena told him softly. “You’ve discovered more over the last few months than you ever knew before, and I’m so proud of you…I’m so proud of you…” She squeezed his hand, and continued to stare at him.

They continued to stare into each others eyes for longer than they should, both of them caught up in thoughts and feelings of their own. Finally John cleared his throat, and said, “It’s late. I should get going.”

“Sure…you can make another appointment with Chelsea. Just call tomorrow, I believe she’s gone home for the day,” Marlena said distractedly.

At the door, John turned at said, “Are you okay, Doc?”

Marlena thought about how uneasy she had felt all day. She thought about her patient Frank, who had her on edge after his revelations in his last appointment, and she wished she could talk to John about it, but she couldn’t. “It’s patient,” she said softly.

“Ah, so you can’t talk about it?”

“I can’t talk about it,” she said, staring at him from across the room, and wishing she could feel his arms around her. Wishing that John could hold her, even while knowing that what she craved from him was more than friendship and comfort.

“Okay, Doc,” John said. “I’ll give Chelsea a call tomorrow.”

She heard the door close with a soft snick, and glanced at the clock. She was so tired, but she needed to finish up her notes for John’s session before she could leave for the day. Roman had said he was picking the twins up from his parents and taking them out for bowling and pizza, so she didn’t have to rush. 

Removing her jacket, she happened to glance down at her upper arm, noting the distinct finger patterns there from when Roman had grabbed her roughly the morning after her dream, almost a week ago. 

She was running late, and exhausted from the night before. Roman hadn’t bothered to come home, and it was nearly eight o’clock in the morning. Opening the kitchen door, Marlena yelled, “Sami! Eric! We need to leave in five minutes, or we are going to be late!”

“Okay, Mom!” Eric yelled back. Marlena smiled to herself when she heard Eric say to Sami, “Get your stuff, because when we’re late, it’s usually because of you!”

She startled, and turned when she heard the door to the garage slam, and Roman entered the kitchen. Their eyes met, and Roman said, “You’re still here.”

Marlena gave him a once over. He reeked of alcohol, and cigarette smoke, although he didn’t seem to be drunk in the moment. Turning back to her coffee, she said, “We’re running late. I overslept.”

“Hmph,” he said, stepping around her, and pouring his own cup of coffee. “Well, I guess you should get moving then.”

“Roman, we really need to talk about last night,” she said.

“Talk? What’s there to talk about, Doc?” Roman said, feeling the anger rise in him all over again. “You want to talk about how you’re doing therapy sessions with your ex-husband? Which, I’m pretty sure is a conflict of interest. You want to talk about those dreams where you wake up screaming profanities while your body writhes next to me in orgasm?”

“You know what…never mind,” she said, realizing that Roman was in not state of mind to have a conversation. “We can discuss it later.” She snapped the lid on her coffee cup, and turned to leave the kitchen, but Roman grabbed her roughly, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of her upper arm. 

He leaned towards her, whispering with sour breath, “You don’t like what I’ve got to say, and so the conversations over? Is that right, Doc?”

“Roman,” she said quietly, unsure of where Eric and Sami were in that moment. “Roman let go, you’re hurting me.”

He looked down, seemingly surprised that he had such a tight grip on her arm, and he released her quickly, “Go to work, Doc. I’ll see you later.”

She watched him for a moment, feeling the ache in her arm where he had dug his fingers into her. She knew it was going to bruise, but Roman had nothing more to say, as he sat at the kitchen table, staring into a steaming cup of black coffee.

Marlena ran her fingers over the mottled bruises along her arm, and laid her jacket over the back of the couch, only then realizing that John had left his jacket behind. Marlena lovingly ran her fingers over it, and refused to give into the impulse to raise it to her nose, and inhale his scent. Forcing herself to step away from John’s jacket, Marlena mumbled to herself, “Notes, Marlena. Finish the notes, and go home.” Just as she was sitting down, she heard the door to her office open, and she said without looking up, “John, I thought you might come back for your jacket…” but when she looked up, it wasn’t John standing there. 

Fear ran through her, and she said carefully, “Frank, we don’t have another appointment until next week.”

“I know that…but, I had to come. I had to come talk to you because of what I told you,” he said on a stutter. Marlena could see that he was sweating, and his glasses were sliding down his nose. She stepped around her desk, and reached under it to trip the alarm she had placed there, praying that security would come quickly. 

“Frank what you told me, it won’t be repeated. It’s doctor-patient confidentiality,” Marlena said. “I won’t repeat it, although I will try, and get you to take responsibility for it.”

Frank turned, and locked her office door. He stepped closer to her, and Marlena stepped back, nearly tripping over her chair. His agitation was rising, as he said, “No! No! That’s not what you’re going to do. You tape our sessions! I want the tapes! I want the notes!”

“Frank, I know you’re upset, but we can discuss it at your next session,” she said, attempting to placate him, and calm down his rising level of aggression.

“No!” Frank roared. “No! You’re going to call the police! You’re going to turn me in, because I murdered that girl! I know that’s what’s going to happen.”

“I told you, I wouldn’t do that, Frank. You have to trust me,” she told him, trying to step out from her desk on the opposite side of where he was, but Frank rounded the desk quickly, and Marlena found herself running for her office door.

Grabbing her from behind, Frank slammed her body against her office door, pushing her chest into the wood, and holding her there with his body weight while he cried into her neck. “I killed her…and you know. I can’t trust you not to tell the police!”

Marlena felt tears rolling down her cheeks, even as she forced herself to remain calm, “I won’t say anything, but Frank…I—I need you to let me go.”

“I can’t,” he whispered, wrapping his hands around her neck slowly. “I can’t. I have to get the tapes, and the notes…and I have to…I have to make sure you don’t tell.”

Marlena’s body was wrenched from the door by Frank’s clenching grip on her neck. She felt the constriction, and started clawing at his hands, her nails raking over his skin, as she scored lines into his flesh. Frank shoved her body onto the couch, face first, and put his knee into her back holding her down, whispering over and over again, “I can’t let you tell.”

John realized at the elevator that he’d forgotten his jacket in Marlena’s office. As he turned to go back, three security guards rushed off of the elevator and began sprinting in that direction. Something was wrong. He had felt it before he left, she wouldn’t discuss it, but he’d known something wasn’t right. John arrived outside Marlena’s office, and without waiting for security to discuss what they were going to do, he kicked the door open, with one solid kick.

Much of what happened next would be lost to him, when he was later questioned. He wouldn’t remember pulling Frank Delaney off of Marlena. He wouldn’t remember beating the man to within an inch of his life. All John would remember was Marlena’s unconscious, prone form, lying on the couch, and he would remember begging her to come back to him, and telling her, he couldn’t live without her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena had refused to be admitted to the hospital for the night, and she watched the door close on Mike Horton’s back after he’d reluctantly accepted her answer. She felt like she was emotionally on the brink, and any slight push might have her falling over the edge in a moment. She needed something, but she couldn’t grasp what it was…or perhaps, she could. Lifting her eyes, she locked with John’s deep gaze, and she whispered, “Can you hold me?”

“Come here, baby,” John said softly, sitting down beside her, and pulling her into his arms. “Come here.” She broke down. Her wracking sobs, shook their bodies as she curled into him on the couch, and John held her. He held her, and he stroked over her back, and he whispered soft words to her. Reassuring words, that took away some of the darkness that had settled in her mind.

Finally Marlena whispered with a raspy, rough, voice, “I wonder if someone called Roman.”

“They should have,” he told her. “I told them to call him.”

Marlena looked up at him, and said, “Thank you…” Her soft fingers traced over his jaw, and then their featherlight touch swept over his lips. A simple touch that felt more intimate than a kiss, and she whispered again, “Thank you.”

The moment was over, and Marlena pulled away from him, when they heard a loud voice from the waiting area shout, “Where the fuck is my wife?”

Chapter 10

Roman sat in a meeting with the DA and Abe, alternating his angry stare, between the two, over the mahogany conference table, furious that they refused to see his side of things. “You’re kidding me, right?” he nearly shouted. “John almost beats someone to death, in front of three witnesses, and you’re not going to press charges?”

“Roman!” Abe said. “He saved Marlena’s life! Frank Delany was trying to kill her.”

“Besides that, Roman,” the DA interjected, snapping her notebook shut, as if the issue was closed, “I can tell you that there isn’t a jury around who would convict him. He saved the life of a well known psychiatrist, who was being attacked by a patient who had admitted to her that he’d previously killed someone else. No way. No. We’re not pressing charges.” She gathered her things, and stood up, saying, “I have another meeting.”

As soon as the door closed behind her, Roman practically exploded from his seat, and said loudly, “Fucking hell!”

“I don’t understand this, Roman,” Abe said, as calmly as he could. “If it weren’t for John, your wife might be dead. Why are you pushing this?”

“He committed a crime, Abe,” Roman said lamely.

“No, he didn’t. Not really. He saved a life, and you know what, buddy? You need to take a long hard look at why you’re really pushing this…because I think it has more to do with you, and less to do with the so-called crime you think John committed,” Abe told him, gathering his things. “I’m going downstairs, and I’m letting John go home. He’s been locked up since last night because you wanted to push this.”

“Frank Delany is in the ICU!” Roman roared. “John Black beat him so badly that he might not even survive this!”

Abe looked at Roman, and said in low tones, “Frank Delany killed a woman two weeks ago. Frank Delany was trying to kill your wife…John saved her. I’m going downstairs, and I’m releasing him.” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena opened the front door to find John standing there with a smile, and she nearly threw herself into his arms, crying, “Oh! Thank G-d you’re out!”

“Come on, Doc,” John said with a huge smile. “You know they had no cause to keep me.”

“I’m so glad! I’m so glad,” she said, reaching for his hand, and pulling him into the house. “I was afraid that they might press charges.”

“Abe said the DA thought they had no case,” John told her, settling into the couch. Marlena’s neck was a mottled mess of blue, and purple bruising, and John was immediately inundated with images of her prone and lifeless form pushed face first into the couch in her office. He reached for her, “Doc, come here.”

She knew he was upset, but her neck looked worse than it actually was. “John, I’m fine. It’s fine,” she said. “I know it looks bad, but it’s really not. I have a slight sore throat, and my muscles are stiff…that’s all.” Sitting so she faced him on the couch, she said again, “John, I’m fine.”

His fingers traced lightly over the bruising along her neck, and he whispered, “I was so fucking scared.”

Marlena chuckled softly, watching the emotion play over his face, “So was I.”

“Smart ass,” John said. Standing up, he said, “You got any coffee?”

Marlena followed him, rising to her feet, “I do, but I’ll let you make it.” She took his hand in hers and led him towards the kitchen.

“You know, Doc, all night I sat in that damn cell wondering how you were doing,” he told her as he pulled out coffee filters, and opened the can of coffee grounds. “I couldn’t get the picture out of my head…him choking you…”

“I’m fine,” she whispered from behind him. “Have you…have you seen Isabella?”

“She came by to see me last night,” John murmured, feeling anger and frustration rise up in him all over again remembering her words:

“John! I know you saved her life, but you almost killed a man in the process! If they press charges for attempted murder, where does that leave us? What about our baby?” Isabella cried helplessly.

“They’re not going to press charges,” John told her.

“You don’t know that! Roman wants to press charges!”

“The guy was trying to kill Doc, Izzy B! I wasn’t thinking clearly,” John argued. “I kicked the door open, and all I could think about was stopping him.”

“But…” she said slowly, “why react so strongly? John, you beat him so badly…why?”

John didn’t have an answer then, and he didn’t have an answer now, other than…it was Marlena. He’d lost her three times, and he wasn’t going to lose her again, but that wasn’t an answer that Isabella wanted, so he kept it to himself. Glancing at Marlena, John said, “She was upset that I was arrested, and worried that Roman was going to get the DA to agree to charges.”

“Roman and I argued last night…and this morning. I tried, John. I tried to get him to see reason. He claims that…never mind,” she said, sitting in a kitchen chair, and feeling utterly defeated. “It doesn’t matter now anyway. You’re free, and there are no charges.”

Crouching down in front of her, and balancing himself with his hands on her knees, John asked her, “What? What were you going to say?”

She reached out, touching his face softly, and allowing her fingers to softly land on his chest, “It doesn’t matter.”

John knew. He could see it in her eyes, so he said, “Isabella essentially said the same thing, you know.”

Marlena’s eyes looked up at him quickly, “What?”

“She said that if it had been anyone else…I wouldn’t have reacted so violently. That’s what Roman told you, right? He said the only reason I almost killed Frank was because he’d been hurting you?”

She sighed, and glanced back down to where her fingers rested on his chest, seemingly unable to move from the warmth of him. “Yes,” she sighed, forcing herself to finally move her hand away from him, but John stopped her, reaching for it instead. 

Lacing their fingers together, he said softly, “They’re right, Doc. I—I saw him on you, and I don’t remember anything else. None of it…until…until I was holding you in my arms, and begging you to live. I can’t lose you again. You know…there’s a part of me that will always love you.”

She stares at him with tears in her eyes, and whispered, “I know.” Because in her heart, she would always love him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Bo chased after Roman on the pier, “Roman! Wait up!”

“Hey, Bo. I was just on my way to the fish market,” Roman said. “Walk with me. I don’t have much time.” He was glad that the chill bite of the winter wind had given way to a warmer, albeit still cool, wind coming off of the river. 

“I wanted to ask you how Marlena is doing…you know, after yesterday?” Bo asked him breathlessly.

“She’s fine. She’s fine…she’s got some serious bruising, and she’s a little stiff, but she’ll be fine,” Roman said.

Bo felt like his brothers answer was almost careless, “Roman, someone tried to kill her. Have you even asked her how she’s doing?”

“Bo, I think I know my own wife!” Roman said, stopping, and facing his brother. “She’ll be fine. Security got there in time, and she’ll be fine.”

“Security? Abe told me earlier that it was John who—”

“—John almost killed someone!” Roman replied bitterly.

Bo watched his brother’s face line with rage, and he said, “Abe said, John saved Marlena’s life.”

“John almost killed Frank Delaney!”

“And…Frank Delaney was trying to kill Marlena…”

“That’s no fucking excuse, Bo!” Roman said loudly. “He could have pulled the guy off of her, punched him for good measure, and left it to the professionals…but he beat the man into a bed in the ICU! This was about more than saving Marlena.”

Bo realized almost immediately what the bigger issue was, “You know, big brother, I never pegged you for the type to use your job to push false charges out of jealousy.”

“That’s not what I’m doing. Besides the DA and Abe think there’s no case,” Roman grumbled, resuming his walk to the fish market.

Bo caught up, walking beside him, “Sure seems like that.”

“John Black almost beat someone to death. That’s not a normal reaction, unless—”

“—Roman! He cares for her. We all know he does. So, yeah, maybe he reacted a little more violently than he should have, but he saved her life. That’s gotta count for something. Maybe a thank you?”

“He needs to fucking move on with his life,” Roman muttered.

“He is. He’s marrying Isabella. They’re having a baby. What more do you want from him?” Bo asked.

“I want him to stay away from Doc, but I can’t ask that because he’s seeing her for these fucking hypnosis sessions. I know she’s still in love with him,” Roman said, stopping again, and looking out over the river with a sulky demeanor. “Bo, she won’t let me touch her. We’ve been back from Mexico for nearly three months, and I’ve not done more than kiss her a few times.”

“Roman, you’ve got to understand,” Bo said gently. “When she was taken by Orpheus…she was married to John. John was who she came home to. That’s going to take time.”

“She came home to me! She thought he was me!”

“So, what…in your mind, because she thought he was you, she should rush into your bed?”

“No! Yes…I don’t fucking know. But if she thought he was me, then she must still love me,” Roman said. “She came home with me after Mexico.”

“I think you need to be more patient,” Bo said. “She thought he was you, but that doesn’t take away from the love she felt for him. Hell, if you want my opinion—”

“—I don’t,” Roman interrupted.

“Well, you’re getting it anyway. I think Marlena loved him before anyone thought he was you. They were spending a lot of time together, they went on the run together—”

“What the hell are you talking about? Went on the run?”

“Have you and Marlena even talked about the past at all?” Bo asked him incredulously.

Roman looked back over the river, “I just wanted to forget it all, and move on, Bo.”

“That there, is your first mistake,” Bo said. “You can’t assume that she only loved him because he was you, because I don’t think that’s true. I think she loved him before that. I think she loved him when we all thought he might be Stefano.”

Roman turned, and faced Bo, “What the fuck does that mean? When did you believe he might be Stefano?”

“You need to talk to Marlena,” Bo said.

“No…no, you need to talk to me.”

Bo sighed, frustrated with himself for somehow managing to get himself involved in Roman’s dysfunction, “Look, Roman, this really is a conversation to have with Marlena. I don’t know all of it, and I don’t want to tell you something that might not be true. I can only say what I thought I saw…and before she thought John was you, she cared about him. Maybe, she loved him. So, talk to your wife, man.” 

Chapter 11

Marlena smiled at John. Marlena had cancelled their last session because she was still healing after the incident with Frank Delany. She’d wanted the bruising to be less unsightly before she returned to work, but it seemed to be healing slowly. It didn’t help that she was also plagued with nightmares. Dreams of Frank’s face in a sneer, or his sour breath wafting along her neck. Dreams where Frank’s face morphed into Stefano’s face, or Frank’s face somehow became Kellam’s face. Frank’s image turning into Stefano or morphing into Kellam had actually made it so that Marlena almost feared going to sleep.

She woken the night before with a scream on her lips, and Roman had simply grunted, and rolled over in bed, so that he was no longer facing her. She’d been covered in sweat, having to shower and change before she could lie back down and attempt to get a few more hours of sleep. Talking to Roman about her nightmares had been unsuccessful. She had hoped that he might understand how what happened in her office with Frank had somehow triggered other unresolved trauma, making it nearly impossible to sleep, but he seemed unconcerned, telling her, “Give it time, Doc. It will pass.”

John smiled at Marlena from his end of the plaid couch in her office. She seemed so sad, and tired. Reaching for her, he said softly, “Come here, Doc.”

She wanted to go to him. She wanted to so badly, but instead, she pushed herself back further into her end of the couch, and she said softly, “I’m fine. This is your session, and we need to discuss some things.” 

She couldn’t get too close, and allow herself to sink into his warmth. She was married to Roman, and John was getting ready to marry Isabella. She needed to stay professional, because interspersed with her nightmares of Kellam and Stefano, were dreams of John. Dreams of John licking his way along her body, John’s hand buried between her legs, while he sucked at her breast, and she trembled with orgasm, and John pushing her against the shower wall in her bathroom, and fucking her from behind while she moaned his name.

She couldn’t get the images out of her mind, and after Roman had left for work that morning, her fingers had made quick work of bringing her to climax, as the hot water of her shower sluiced over her naked flesh, while she relived the dream that had woken her just minutes earlier. Marlena felt like she was in limbo. She was unable to move forward with Roman because of her continued attachment to John. Plus, Roman was emotionally distant. He had returned from his time with Stefano a changed man, and she wasn’t sure she could love the man that he’d become.

John watched her carefully from where he sat, his eyes glancing over her form in silent appreciation, and he noted how she seemed to get lost in her own mind for a moment. He curiously took in her accelerated breathing, flushed cheeks, and her slightly dilated pupils. He felt his own body reacting to her signals. His cock twitched, and his own breathing picked up. When she looked up, she seemed almost surprised to see him sitting there studying her, and she cleared her throat shakily, saying, “We need to discuss if you’ve made a decision about Lawrence, and if you wanted to undergo an x-ray to verify what you remembered under hypnosis about a microchip.”

His body was tense. The sexual tension in the room was thick, and neither one of them would acknowledge it, so he said, “I’d like you to be there when I speak with Lawrence.”

“When would you like to do that?”

“Next week? I’d like to get it done before the wedding, and the wedding is in a few weeks,” John said softly, trying to ignore the tightness in his chest.

“Are you excited?” Marlena asked him. “About the wedding?”

He’s silent for a long moment, before he says, “I’m not sure. With the hypnosis, and everything else, I just feel…overwhelmed.”

Another long pause ensued, before Marlena said, “I see.” Both of them saying so much, without actually saying anything. She didn’t know what else to say, so she said, “What about the x-ray?”

“Yeah, yeah,” John said absently. “I’d like to get that done as well.”

“I could call Marcus. We might be able to get it done today, if you’d like,” Marlena said

John looked at Marlena in surprise, “I thought Marcus was out of town.”

“He returned a few days ago,” Marlena said. “He finished his research early, and he’s back at the hospital. It’s nice having him back.”

“I thought he would have called Isabella,” he replied.

“He’s probably swamped with paper work. Let me give him call,” Marlena said, standing up quickly, and walking towards her desk.

Forty minutes later, Marlena, John, and Marcus stood in front of the light box that contained the x-ray of John’s neck, all of them wearing expressions of disbelief. When Marcus had first heard why Marlena wanted an x-ray of John’s skull, he been doubtful, but he’d heard wild stories of Stefano DiMera, and honestly, he’d been curious. The microchip was there, just as John remembered, a small square at the base of the skull, where one should not be.

Fear rose up inside Marlena, and she touched John’s arm gently, “I think we need to contact Shane.”

He looked at her, so grateful in that moment to have her with him, and he replied, “I think you’re right, Doc. Marcus…I need someone to take that thing out of me. You willing?”

“Yeah, John…I could do it, but we don’t even know what it is,” Marcus told him.

“I’ve got my suspicions, and I need someone I trust to do the surgery.”

“I can prep an OR, and be ready within the hour,” Marcus said.

John looked at him with a wide grin, “That’s what I’m talking about. Let me…let me check in with Isabella first. She’s been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, and I want to make sure she’s okay.”

Marcus looked at John quizzically, almost surprised, “Isabella’s pregnant?”

John smiled. With everything up in the air with his life, his son was the one solid thing he could cling to, “That’s right, you’ve been gone for quite awhile. Yeah…yeah, she is. We’re having a boy.”

“She’s due soon?” Marcus asked.

“She’s due in a few weeks actually,” John told him. “You should give her a call. I’m sure she misses you.”

Marcus turned around, glancing over John’s x-ray again, saying, “I’ll do that.”

“John,” Marlena said softly, stepping so close he could feel the heat from her body, and feel her softness against him. “You can call Isabella from my office, if you want, and then we can call Shane.”

Hearing John on the phone with Isabella, asking after the baby, and telling her, he loved her, shouldn’t have been as hard for Marlena, as it was. When John hung up the phone, and before she could school her features, he saw the raw pain in her eyes, and it left him confused. It left him wanting something that was over, something in the past. He forced himself to smile, and said, “Isabella is coming. I asked her not to. She needs to rest, but she insisted.”

The ache in Marlena’s chest grew, and she felt like it was harder to breath. “It’s fine. I would do the same… if it was Roman,” she said looking through her rolodex. Finding the card with Shane’s number on it, she pulled it out, and handed it to John.

John reached for her hand, holding it tightly in his, “Are we really doing this?”

“I support you one hundred percent, John. I’ll stay with you the whole time,” Marlena said. “If you want me too.”

“You’d do that? Come into surgery, and just be there?”

“I’ll admit, I’m curious as to what Marcus will find, but, John, I won’t leave your side for one moment,” she whispered. “Not if you want me there…”

John stepped closer, showing her, his vulnerability and his fear, and he whispered, “Thank you, Doc.”

She could resist touching him. The ache inside her was too much to hold back. Stroking over his face softly, she whispered, “Anything for you, John. Anything. Anything.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Isabella seemed exhausted when Marlena exited the operating room, and said, “The microchip is out. Marcus was able to find it, and extract it. It was somehow sewn into his nervous system.”

“But it’s out?” Isabella asked. “And he’s safe?”

“He’s safe,” Marlena said, feeling her own sense of relief. “He might not wake up for a few hours. They’ll move him to a room soon.”

Isabella hated that she now found herself in Marlena’s debt, but she said, “Thank you…for helping him through this. I wanted him to forget it all, just focus on our relationship, and the baby, but I can see…well, I’ve been able to see, over the last few months, that knowing his past helps him move forward.”

“John wants to know who he is. He wants to know where he comes from, and without that knowledge, he will always feel like he’s missing something…even if he has everything he wants,” Marlena said.

Marcus came out of the operating room, and stopped short when he saw Isabella. She was beautiful, and her pregnancy seemed to add to her soft glow. He took off his surgical cap, and said, “Isabella…it’s good to see you.”

She stared at him for a moment, quickly glancing over at Marlena, and said, “Marcus. How have you been?”

Isabella seemed stiff, almost formal, with someone who was supposed to be one of her best friends, but Marlena shrugged it off. It was nearly three in the morning, and she was absolutely exhausted. “Marcus,” Marlena said. “I’m going to head home, shower, and check on the children. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“That will be fine. He may not even be awake yet,” Marcus told her. “I have the microchip sealed in the evidence bag. I’ll keep it on me. You said—”

“—Shane promised to be here by ten,” Marlena said.

“The ISA? Why is Shane coming?” Isabella wanted to know.

Marlena thought the answer would be obvious, but she signed softly, and said, “The microchip was planted by Stefano and a doctor that John refers to as Rolf. Shane is coming to get the chip, and have it examined by the forensics lab at the ISA.”

“This is why I wanted him to forget about his past…just move on,” Isabella said with her voice raising slightly.

“I can’t believe that you’d be fine with John living his life with a computer chip in his head. We don’t even know what it does. What if he didn’t have amnesia? What if his memories were being suppressed?”

“What if he has another life, and he leaves me?” Isabella said loudly. “What then?”

“That’s a chance John has to take, Isabella. He won’t rest until he knows,” Marlena told her. Looking at Marcus, she says, “I’ll be back.”

Marcus watches as Marlena walks down the brightly lit, vacant hallway. Turning to Isabella he says quietly, “When are you due?”

“In a few weeks,” she whispers.

“Is is mine? Or is it Johns?” Marcus asked her, tipping her face up to his.

Isabella had tears in her eyes when she responded, “I don’t know.”

Chapter 12

Isabella ran her finger’s softly over her rounded belly, as she sat vigil by John’s bedside. Her conversation with Marcus had gone sideways almost immediately. He started asking for a blood test, and telling her, she couldn’t keep lying to John, but in Isabella’s mind, she wasn’t lying to John. There was a much higher chance of the baby being John’s. John was a virile man, and they made love almost daily in the weeks leading up to their engagement party. Marcus had been one night. One lonely, sad, emotionally overwhelming night, when her best friend tried to comfort her, and her soul was breaking.

Isabella looked at her bare finger, and remembered leaving her engagement ring on the coffee table, next to the flowered centerpiece that Roman hated so much. The pain was too much. Much more emotional pain, and heartbreak than she had ever bore in her life. 

Marcus’s arms tightened around her, while she sobbed through her pain, and he whispered, “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“Roman’s…Roman’s wife…came back,” she cried.

“Roman’s wife is dead, Isabella.”

She laughed with ire, “Apparently not, because Roman just told me a few hours ago that he saw her on the pier last night.”

“Why didn’t he tell you last night?”

“I—I don’t know,” she said softly. “I don’t know…but it’s over. It’s all over.”

Smoothing his palm over her hair, he asked her, “Did he tell you that? Did he say it was over? Or did you just assume that?”

“Of course it’s over! She’s his wife! He’s not going to divorce her! She’s Eric and Sami’s mother…he’s moving her back into the house tonight. So, I left my engagement ring, and I moved out,” she told him. “Better that I break things off, and know where I stand, then wait for him to break my heart.”

“Hey…hey, look at me,” Marcus said softly.

Isabella looked up at him, and whispered, “What am I going to do?”

“You’ve got me, and I would do anything for you. You know that.”

“I do,” she said, rubbing her face in his neck, and breathing in the smell of him. Her hand moved over the nape of his neck, and she moved her body closer.

“Isabella,” Marcus moaned. “I know you’re hurting, but sex with me isn’t the answer.”

She ignored him, and pulled his mouth down to hers, kissing him softly. Marcus couldn’t refuse her, and he gave in to something he had wanted for months.

Now Roman was John, and the real Roman had returned. Isabella felt like everything had worked out the way it was supposed to. She was with John, and Marlena was with Roman. This was John’s baby. It had to be. They would be married before the baby arrived, and if their son turned out to be Marcus’s child, John would still honor his marriage vows to her. She knew innately that he would, and then they could work things out. They would work things out. 

The door opened behind her, and Isabella turned, seeing Marlena enter. Just the sight of Marlena anywhere near John had her feeling anger and jealousy, but she smoothed her features, and said, “He hasn’t woken up yet.”

“That’s fine,” Marlena told her walking towards the bed, and checking John’s vitals. “Marcus said he might not wake for awhile.” After looking over her chart, and ensuring herself that everything was as it should be, she said goodbye to Isabella, and left the room.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman stared at Billie Reed in complete shock, “You’re pregnant?”

“Yeah, that’s what I just said,” Billie told him, slouching into a chair in his office at the police station. “What are we going to do, because I just started dating Bo, and—and I’ve got a good thing going with him, you know?”

“And you’re sure it’s mine?” Roman asked her.

“Look, I was drunk, but I’m not a slut!” she said. “Of course, I’m sure. I haven’t slept with anybody else!”

Roman allowed his body to fall into his chair, and he mumbled, “Shit…what do you want to do?” Roman wasn’t going to pressure her. He came from a strict Catholic family, and abortion was a topic that was absolutely never a consideration, but he wasn’t the one who was pregnant.

“My mom left me, and my dad…well, I don’t want to talk about my dad. I always said, if I ever had a kid, I’d give them everything I never had,” Billie told him quietly. “I’m not ready for this. I’m not.”

“Billie…I take care of my kids,” Roman said. “If you’re worried that you’ll be doing it on your own. You won’t be.”

She stared at him, “This is bad. This is so bad.” Billie stood up quickly, saying awkwardly, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just wanted to let you know.”

“Look,” Roman said, rounding his desk, and approaching her, “You weren’t dating Bo yet…not when—”

“—but I never told him! Don’t you think that counts for something?” she cried. “Yeah, we were drunk, but I probably should have mentioned that I slept with you. Full disclosure and all that…fuck! I always fuck things up.”

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” Roman said. “Depending on what you decide to do…I mean if you choose to end the pregnancy…we might not have to tell them at all. You wouldn’t have to tell Bo and I…I wouldn’t have to tell Marlena.”

Billie got very quiet as she thought about it, and she said, “I can’t. G-d! I can’t have an abortion. I just can’t! Shit! Shit! Shit!”

Roman felt his heart sink in his stomach. Billie was going to have this baby, which meant, he was going to have to tell Marlena. The worst part was, he almost blamed Marlena. He thought back to the night she’d been dreaming of John, her body writhing in ecstasy next to him, while her mind conjured up another man in her sleep. He’d been so angry, and so hurt. Drinking himself into oblivion had seemed like an excellent idea, until he woke up the following morning in Billie Reed’s bed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

A few days later, Marlena found Roman sitting at the kitchen table staring into a mug of black coffee when she got home from work. He looked up at her slowly, and said, “Doc, we need to talk.”

“Where are the children?” she asked him.

“They’re upstairs working on their homework,” he replied. “I need to discuss something with you, and I didn’t want them around for that.”

Marlena was exhausted. Between work, and her nightmares, she needed a break. She was more than relieved when John had been released from the hospital yesterday, and now that he was safe, Marlena had been thinking about asking Alice to use the cabin on Smith Island, just to get away for a few days. Taking a deep breath, she sat at the table, across from Roman, and said, “Okay.”

Now that she facing him, he wasn’t sure how to start the conversation, so he finds himself rushing to say what he needed to say, “I—I…shit…okay, I did something, and I want you to know, I was drunk…and it didn’t matter…it meant nothing.”

She stood up quickly, and went to lean against the counter top, needing space. She thought she should be angry, but she felt nothing. She knew what was coming. No one started a conversation like that, and the other person had no idea what was coming. He’d cheated on her.

“I was upset a couple months ago. You’d had a dream, and you won’t let me touch you. We still haven’t made love, and we’d argued about it, yet again. I went to the Cheatin’ Heart, and got drunk. Really drunk,” Roman said. Finally looking up at her, he said, “Could you sit down, Doc?”

“I don’t really think I want to, Roman,” she said, remembering the morning he’d come home after being gone all night. She recalled it clearly, how she’d woken up…and Roman’s reaction.

Roman sighed, “I slept with Billie Reed, and she’s—shit, Doc, she’s pregnant.”

Marlena stared at Roman, not recognizing him at all. He had done nothing but pressure her about sex since his return. Trying to manipulate her, and make her feel guilty in every way imaginable, and he had been the one to cheat. “Roman…she’s barely five years older than Carrie. She’s Carrie’s friend. She’s Bo girlfriend! Pregnant? You got a girl, who’s barely twenty-five years old, pregnant?”

“It didn’t mean anything, Doc! I was drunk! We were both drunk!”

“This isn’t going to work, Roman.”

“No! No, I’m sorry. We can make this work, Doc,” Roman said, standing up hurriedly, and stepping towards her, but she warded him off with her hands.

“No. No!”

“I know we can. Just give me another chance.”
“We can’t. I was trying. I was, because you were trying…but for you to cheat on me…and then try to blame me for it…”

“Doc! You won’t kiss me. You won’t let me touch you! You’re my wife, for crying out loud, and we live together like strangers!”

“You agreed to give me time,” she said.

“It’s been nearly four months, Doc! Four months! How long is a man supposed to wait to make love to his wife?” Roman roared.

“As long as it takes, Roman! As long as it takes,” Marlena replied matter of factly.

Roman stepped closer, blocking her body into the corner, not allowing Marlena to move, and he said in a low voice, “You’re my wife. Mine. You know what I wake up to at night? Do you?”

Marlena knew what she was dreaming, and she could only imagine what he’d heard, but none of that mattered, because she had no control over her dreams. He was trying to take her attention away from what he’d done. “Roman, you cheated. Not me,” Marlena told him.

“If you hadn’t kept pushing me away!”

“It’s no excuse, and you know it!” she cried.  “What you did, you did of your own volition. You can’t blame me. You can’t blame being drunk. You did this, and now she’s pregnant. A girl young enough to be your daughter, Roman!” Marlena tried to walk away, but Roman’s arms blocked her in.

“No! You’re not leaving!”
“Roman, let me go,” Marlena said firmly.

“Not until we work this out, Doc.”

“There is nothing to work out, Roman. I was here, trying to make this marriage work, and yes, I was struggling. You were gone for seven years. Seven years, and you came home expecting me to fall into bed with you. That’s not how it works!”

“Give me another chance,” he whispered.

“I can’t,” she said. “I can’t.”

“You whisper John’s name in your sleep. You cry out for him. You beg him to do things to your body…this is not my fault,” he said.

“I have no control over my dreams,” Marlena replied.

“Is it dreams? Or are you reliving what you’re doing during John’s hypnosis sessions?”

Marlena’s stared at him in shock, “If you believe that, then you don’t know me at all. If you could even think such a thing, you have no idea who I am. Let me go.”

“No, Doc…I’m—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I—I know you wouldn’t…”

“Let me go, Roman.”

His hands gripped her shoulders tightly, “Just give me another chance!”

“No. You had a chance, and honestly, we’ve been miserable. You know that.”

“I fucking hate, John Black. I hate him. He stole my fucking life. He stole my family. He stole my wife,” Roman said with venom. He stared at her for a moment, and then he said, “You’re my fucking wife, Doc.”

His lips slammed into hers, and his teeth clacked roughly. Marlena closed her mouth, trying to pull away from him, as his tongue tried to force its way in. She could feel Roman’s fingers digging into the flesh of her arms. Stefano’s face, then Kellam’s flashed through her mind, and she began to push at him in earnest, finally pulling her face to the side screaming, “Let me go, Roman!”

He stepped back, furious, and hit her across the face as hard as he could. Roman watched as Marlena fell to the floor, holding her face. His body trembled with rage, and the desire to hit her again was so strong, that he stumbled back, and way from her, “Doc…I’m…I’m sorry.”

“Leave, Roman,” Marlena said looking up at him. “I don’t care where you go, but you need to get out of this house. Now.”

Chapter 13

John stared at the child in Isabella’s arms, and he knew, he wasn’t the father, Marcus was. Isabella knew it too, and with a growing sense of inevitability, she looked up at John with tears in her eyes, and said, “You know, I’d really hoped…I prayed everyday that he was yours…”

His heart was breaking. John felt a pain in his soul unlike any other. He had come to think of this child and his life with Isabella as a second chance, but looking at the child in Isabella’s arms, he knew that it wasn’t. Knowing that she had kept this from him, that she’d lied to him about something of this magnitude, meant that the trust he’d thought they had, was irrevocably broken. John stared down at the baby in her arms, wishing the child was his, and he said, “But he’s not…he’s not mine…”

Isabella knew then, that she’d lost him. He was standing there just staring at the infant she held, as if his brain was still trying to process how everything he had expected had suddenly turned upside down. He finally said, “I was wondering why Marcus isn’t call you when he gone all that time. Why he didn’t call you when he came back into town. I don’t know what happened. I don’t want to know what happened—”

“—Marlena had just come home,” Isabella interrupted. “I’d left my engagement ring at the house, and I was so broken, John. My heart was broken.”

“I don’t believe that. Not entirely,” John said quietly. “There had to be something between the two of you in order for you to—to…fuck, Isabella!”

“He was my best friend,” she whispered. “I trusted him. I don’t know what else to say. John, I was hurting so bad.”

As much as he wished he didn’t, he understood what she was saying. Hadn’t he kissed Marlena in her office, after a session because he was hurting and he trusted her? Because he needed comfort, and he sought it from her? He couldn’t think about his motives much beyond the comfort she’d provided, because those feelings were shoved down deep nearly every time he saw her. John knew, if he was ever able to allow those deep, intense emotions to the surface, it would be explosive. He observed Isabella’s tear streaked face for a brief moment longer, and said, “I—I need to go…I’m sorry, Isabella, but I can’t…I can’t be here right now…”

His eyes glistened with unshed tears, and she whispered, “I’m sorry, John. I’m sorry, but please…please…I just had the baby.” Isabella glanced over at the nurse on the other side of the room, straightening up, but obviously hearing every word spoken, and she said again, “Please, John.”

“What’s there to talk about? You’ve been lying,” he said, the tears slowly breaking free and streaming down his cheeks. “I can understand what happened between you and Marcus. I can understand that because on some level I know I can never break my bond with Doc, but what I can’t understand is the lying. You were planning to marry me, and say nothing—tell me nothing about the fact that this might not be my child. You let me dream. You let me grieve the loss of Sami and Eric, while allowing joy and possibility grow in my heart…”

“I didn’t lie…I thought…I thought the chance that he would be Marcus’s son…was so low. We were…we were only together once,” she sobbed. “And you and I— I wanted so badly for him to be your son.”

“Lying by omission is still lying, Izzy B,” John said in a choked voice. “And right now I need to leave.”

“John! Please!” she begged. “Please! I’m sorry.”

“I can’t. I can’t…when Roman came home I lost my children, and you allowed me to hope and dream that I could have that again. Did you even stop to consider what this would do to me? How I would feel to have another child torn from my heart?”

“If you’d let me explain—”

“You already explained—I need to go. I need to find—”

“—Marlena?” Isabella said bitterly. “Right?”

John was quiet, staring at Isabella for a moment, and then allowing his eyes to fall to the child in her arms, “Yeah…I need a friend right now.” His need to find Marlena, to seek out her scent, her warmth, and her comfort, was so all consuming his breath hitched. Isabella had taken his second chance and torn it away from him with her lies. He needed a friend. He needed Marlena. 

Isabella continued to cry as she watched John slowly walk out of the room. Outside, John ran into a nervous looking Marcus. Their eyes met, and locked for a moment, and then John said, “You should go meet your son.”

“John—” Marcus started to say, but he stopped, because what could he say? He hadn’t even known of the possibility until three days prior.

John held his hand up, saying, “Don’t, Marcus. Not right now.” He continued walking away.

Marcus sighed, and then turned to enter Isabella’s delivery room. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John stepped off of the last ferry to Smith Island into a raging storm. The ferry captain looked at him as if he had lost his mind, and said, “You sure about this? The rest of the ferries for today and tomorrow are cancelled because of this squall.”

“I’m sure,” he said, stepping off quickly. The harsh rain pelted his skin with needle sharp accuracy, slicking John’s hair to his forehead. John could feel the cool drops sliding down his neck, and along his spine. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Thanks again. I know you weren’t planning on coming out again today.”

“It’s fine. You seemed like it was pretty important. We’ll start doing runs again day after tomorrow.”

John stood in the pouring rain for a moment, watching the ferry pull away and he turned towards the direction of the Horton cabin and began walking. He’d gone to Marlena’s house in a near fit of desperation, after leaving the hospital. Caroline had answered the door, surprised to see him.

“John! I thought you were at the hospital? I heard Isabella was having the baby,” Caroline said, surprised to see him standing there.

“She was…she did,” he said quietly. “Is Doc here? I really need to speak with her.”

Caroline was silent for a moment, and finally said, “She’s at the Horton cabin.” The weather outside was turning quickly, so Caroline said, “John, come inside. I don’t want you outside in that.”

“I don’t usually come in…Roman—”

“—Roman won’t be here,” Caroline interjected. “He’s staying at the fish market for a few days until he can find a place.”

“What?”

“John,” Caroline started slowly, wondering if she should tell him. Deciding that no matter what, he was family, she continued. “Roman and Marlena are separating. I believe she’s planning to file for divorce. She needed some time away to sort out her feelings, so she’s been at the Horton cabin for three days.”

“Caroline! This storm,” John said.

“She’ll be fine,” Caroline said. “She has supplies, and firewood. That cabin has withstood much more than a storm.” John looked like he might need Marlena in that moment, as much as Caroline thought Marlena might need him. “Roman got drunk a couple of months ago…and he cheated on Marlena. Billie Reed is pregnant.”

“Billie Reed could be his daughter! She’s not much older than Carrie!”

“Bo is reeling, and Marlena put Roman out of the house. They argued something fierce, and Roman…I can’t make excuses for Roman, John…he hit her. Marlena said he’d been getting rougher with her recently. Growing more frustrated.”

“Were the children home?”

“Eric found Marlena on the kitchen floor after Roman left,” Caroline said softly, because the children were upstairs.

“Why didn’t she call me?” John said in frustration. “She knows I would have been here.”

“Isabella and you are planning the wedding, and the baby was due soon. I think she didn’t want to saddle you with her problems.”

John ran his fingers roughly through his hair and said, “The baby isn’t mine.”

It was Caroline’s turn to react with surprise, “What?”

“Isabella had the baby, but it’s not mine. The night Marlena moved into the house after she came home…well, it doesn’t matter…the baby isn’t mine,” John said.

Caroline stepped forward, wrapping her arms around the man she would always consider her son, and she whispered, “Oh, John. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

He whispered back, “It hurts so much to know she lied to me…lied to me for months.”

Caroline paused for a moment, and then went with her heart, “You and Marlena…you need each other right now.”

“Caroline…”

Placing her hand softly on his arm, she said, “Whatever the two of you are, John…whatever you were, and whatever you become…you need each other right now.”

John nodded his head slightly, and turned, walking out of the house.

Nearing the cabin, his clothing was saturated. The sky was periodically lit with lightening strikes, and booming with the roar of thunder. Underlying it all, John could hear Marlena’s screams coming from the beach. Not screams of fear or terror, but screams times with the rumble of thunder, and the flash of lightening across the sky. He was drawn by the sound of her towards the beach.

Marlena stood on the beach, wearing a long, satin, lace edged nightgown, and felt more free in that instance than she had felt in years. Every clap of thunder, and every streak of lightening, and she roared her anger, her pain, her sadness, and her love for John into the night sky, while rain pelted her sensitive flesh. She screamed out her rage over Kellam raping her. She cried over losing DJ. She wailed over the time that she lost because Stefano had her. Marlena stood on that beach, and screamed into the storm, until she fell to her knees, and couldn’t scream anymore. Fat drops of water clung to her hair, slicking it to her neck and shoulders. The satin of her nightgown clinging to her skin, as if it existed as part of her.

That was how John found her. A ravishing beauty soaked with rain, collapsed on the beach. His reaction was more than physical, it was soul deep, pulling him closer. He fell to his knees in front of her, and when she opened her eyes and saw him there she smiled. Arms covered in mottled bruises, and a darkened area across her face, had John feeling a fire roar up inside him that he had to use all of his energy to push back down.

Marlena reached up, touching his face softly, as the sky was again lit with a flash of lightening, and she whispered, “You came…”

“I did,” he said, and then he threaded his fingers into her hair, pulling it tightly, and his lips crashed into hers with the next roar of thunder.

Chapter 14

John pulled back slightly, staring down into her eyes, while his chest heaved, and he thought he would explode with wanting her. Marlena didn’t ask John how he came to be there on the beach with her. She didn’t ask about Isabella, or the baby. She simply stared up at him with fire and desire in her eyes, and she pulled his mouth back down to hers with a groan that rose deep from her throat. While their bodies were pelted with the driving rain, she could feel heat growing in her center. The taste of him, which she’d only had a brief moment of in her office, exploded over her tongue. She wanted more. Marlena’s fingers pulled at his hair, tugging at it roughly in her desperation to get as close to him as possible. Her tongue lapped over his mouth, and her teeth bit at the tender flesh.

She wasn’t going to ask him what brought him there. She wasn’t going to do anything to break this magic moment, but she was going to take advantage of it, come what may. She had refused to allow Roman to do more than kiss her for months, while her dreams were filled with visions of John making love to her in every way possible. She had fantasized about his mouth on her body, and been teased by their brief kiss in her office. Marlena wasn’t about to question anything in that moment. They would talk later. 

The satin nightgown she wore, clung to her like a second skin, and even as the cool rain landed on her, heat emanated from her skin. John could see the outline of her nipples through the near translucent fabric. His hands roamed her body, wanting to pull her closer, to somehow consume her, in his desire to be as close to her as he could. His large palms curved around her hips, and down behind her thighs. Licking along her neck, his hands moved to her breasts, squeezing her flesh, seemingly unable to get enough of her. Marlena’s head rolled back as another rumble of thunder shook the sky above, she cried out, “John!”

She had to touch him. She had to get her hands on his skin. Her fingers began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Spreading the saturated fabric open, her nails scraped over his flesh, and her fingers threaded through the hair on his chest, tugging at it roughly, “John! Please!”

She was gorgeous, bright hazel eyes staring up at him. Large drops of water clung to her lashes, and streamed down her face, dripping from her lips. With trembling hands, John roughly tore the slender straps of her night gown off of her shoulders, and bared her breasts to the storm, and his gaze. He was lost in her. He was lost in that moment. “I have to taste you,” he rasped, dipping his head down, and sucking her turgid nipple into his mouth roughly. His tongue swirled, and his lips sucked. He bit down on her tender flesh. Marlena thought she might collapse from the pleasure.

She held his head to her breast, crying out for more, while John pulled roughly at the bodice of her gown, tearing it in his haste to push the fabric to her waist. Marlena pulled his mouth from her breast, staring into his eyes, begging him breathlessly, for more, “John…please!”

“Fuck, Marlena,” he rasped, sucking a line over her collarbone, and back towards her mouth. He was breathing so heavily he could barely speak, “I want you so bad…but we need to get out of the rain.”

“No!” she told him, rising up on her knees, and reaching for the button on his jeans, easily slipped it free. Her small hand encircled his length, pulling him free of his clothing, and he couldn’t control the growl of need that rose up from his throat. In mere seconds, the satin fabric of her nightgown was pushed up, over her hips, and John’s hands had gripped her thighs, spreading them wide, pulling her body up to straddle his. While a squall raged around them, and the sky unleashed its torrent, they came together in their own storm of passion. 

Leaning back in his heels, he pushed up into her body. John thought he might black out from the pleasure. She was so wet, and the heat of her burned a path along his cock, as he drove into her body over and over. Marlena cried out his name, screaming, while she clung to him, afraid that if she let go, this would all be another dream, like so many before.

“Doc, Doc, baby,” John groaned into her skin, while driving into her. His grip on her hips was so tight, he knew he would leave bruises, and yet, he couldn’t be soft. He couldn’t be gentle.

Marlena didn’t want gentle, she wanted that moment to be a culmination of every emotion she had felt since their return from Mexico. Leaning forward, right on the edge of her climax, she bit John’s lip, drawing blood, and she scraped her nails along his shoulders, grinding herself down onto him one last time. John threw his head back, and roared into the storm as he exploded within her. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John carried Marlena back to the cabin with her legs wrapped around his waist, and her arms tightly folded around his neck. Her hot breath was on his skin, and her lips kissed along his jaw. All of it had him wanting to make love to her again. Marlena’s hips rolled over him, causing his length to harden in the confines of his jeans, and John groaned low in his chest, a deep rumble, that made her smile against his skin. He was barely able to stumble onto the porch, and in the door of the cabin, before he had her in front of the bed, stripping the sopping fabric of her nightgown away from her skin.

Her hands made quick work, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders. Completely disregarded, it fell to the floor behind him. Marlena panted, against his lips, “I need you again…”

Her skin was ice cold, and John whispered, “You’re freezing. I should start a fire—”

“No. No,” she said breathlessly, standing up on her toes to kiss him desperately. “Please, John…”

His cock was so hard, he thought he might cry out from the agony. Jerking the blankets back roughly, John could barely think straight, as he said, “Get in the bed, Doc.” His jeans were soaked, sticking to his skin, and making them difficult to remove, but when he slid in beside her, and their naked bodies slid alongside each other, they both sighed in relief. John couldn’t wait.  Even though they had just made love less than an hour ago, John hastily pulled her leg up over his hip, and slid into her heat in one smooth motion. 

“Fuck, baby,” he whispered, rocking his hips, while his hands cupped her ass, and held her close. “You’re so tight…and the heat…”

“John!” she cried, clinging to him. “Oh, G-d! John.” She felt as if she was soaring. Her nails scratched over the skin of his back, and she felt her inner walls begin to constrict and flutter along his length.

“Fuck!” he cried, slamming into her harder and deeper. “Doc! Oh, G-d!”

Marlena’s mouth licked, and bit at his neck in a quiet desperation, and she knew she was digging her fingers into the flesh of his shoulders, but she couldn’t seem to stop. And when her orgasm finally hit her, she screamed into the silence of the room.

Her body clenched, and rolled across his cock as her climax took over, and John roared out, “Marlena!” before biting her shoulder, and slamming into her one last last time.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena’s head was tucked into John’s shoulder and her hand rested lightly on his chest. They hadn’t spoken at all, until John said, “It’s getting cold, Doc. I need to start a fire.”

“Okay,” she whispered, rolling away, as if she might get up.

John pulled her back into his arms quickly, and said, “Stay in bed…I’ll be back.” He rubbed his nose alongside hers and kissed her softly.

“There’s a robe in closet,” she said, watching him get out of bed in the hazy light. His body was a sight to behold, and if it weren’t so cold in the cabin, she might have followed him, just to run her fingertips down his back. She could see the scratches she’d left on him, and a small smile played on her lips.

It didn’t take long for John to get a fire roaring, and Marlena’s eyes followed his every move. When he slid back into bed beside her, the first thing she didn’t was slide her leg over his thigh, and roll her hips into him with a sigh.

“Doc,” he moaned, feeling himself start to grow hard again.

“When I opened my eyes on the beach,” she whispered. “I almost didn’t believe you were there.”

“You were a fucking vision, Doc…screaming into the storm. Every time lighting flashed in the sky, it lit up your body…I’ve never been in such awe,” he whispered.

“I’ve never needed anyone more, and you just appeared,” she told him, stroking her fingers lightly over his jaw. “I just opened my eyes, and you were there.”

“I saw Caroline tonight,” he said. “She—she said you needed me.”

“She told you?”

“She did. Why didn’t you call me, Doc?”

Marlena had avoided asking him why he was there, until now, “Why are you here tonight John?”

“Because when my world is falling apart…there’s only one person I want to be with with. One person who grounds me. One person who can make me see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that’s you.”

“I came out here a few days ago, feeling the same way. I was so empty, so lost. Just wanting you with me so badly, wanting to hear your voice, and feel your arms around me,” she said softly. “I wouldn’t let myself reach out to you, because you’re weren’t mine. Not anymore.”

John kissed her softly, “I think we proved tonight…that’s not true.”

“Why was your world falling apart?”

“Isabella had the baby…and it’s not mine. She slept with Marcus the night you came home.”

Marlena immediately remembered that night, “She left her engagement ring…”

“When I lost Sami, Eric, and Carrie, it gutted me. I hadn’t realized how much hope I had pinned on this child, and he’s not even mine.”

Marlena knew why Isabella would keep that from him. She’d been desperate to hold onto John in Mexico, and playing the baby card, had been a surefire way to get him to chose her. Thinking he’d lost everything, while she dangled the hope of family, and connection, in front of him. Marlena hadn’t held Isabella in high regard anyway, but this was devious. Marlena was almost certain that John hadn’t even had time to process the details yet, but when he did, it would devastate him. Reaching for his face she said, “I’m sorry.”

“All I could think, was to find you…I had to get to you,” he whispered, burying his face in her neck, and breathing in her earthy scent. 

Marlena kissed him softly, “I was on that beach, screaming into a raging storm…and all I wanted was you.”

John bit at her skin, feeling the soft curves of her body, and he felt himself grow harder and lengthen against her. “G-d, woman,” he groaned, pushing his hips into her. “I can’t get enough of you. I’ve never been able to get enough of you.”

“I love you,” she whispered. 

“I have never loved anyone the way I love you,” he said, sliding his hand up her leg, pulling her close. Nuzzling his face into her hair, he whispers, “I will never love anyone the way I love you.”

Chapter 15

Waking up with Marlena in his arms had John feeling like everything was right in the world. Crouching in front of the fireplace, he glanced over his shoulder watching her. The last few months had been hard. A lesson in mental fortitude. They had been spending so much time together, that he’d known he was falling deeper in love with her, while planning to move forward in a life with someone else. He’d watched Marlena as she moved, ready to catch a whiff of her perfume if she happened by. He’d dreamt of holding her, kissing her. He’d dreamt of their life together before Orpheus had destroyed it all. Being able to watch her sleep, and knowing that things were falling into place for them, was so much more than he could have ever hoped for. 

He turned back to the fire, when he heard Marlena said softly from behind him, “Hey, Sailor.”

“Sailor?” he asked her with a soft smile.

“You came after me during one of the worst storms of the century. I think it’s fitting,” she murmured. “The sweatpants look good.”

“I can’t believe you still have my clothes.”

“I—they make me feel close to you,” she told him, sliding her naked body behind him.

John groaned at the feel of her breasts along his back, and he said, “Doc…G-d you’re a distraction.”

Looping her arms around his neck, she kissed him, and whispered, “Good.”

“C’mere,” he told her, reaching behind himself, and pulling her body around to lay in his lap. “Having you naked in my lap is the best way to start the day.” Tracing his fingers over her lips, and then around her nipples, had Marlena moaning softly when he leaned down to kiss her. He whispered, “You’re amazing. You know that, lady?”

“I want to wake up with you everyday,” she told him quietly.

“I think that could be arranged,” he murmured against her neck. “That could definitely be arranged.” Smoothing his large palm over Marlena’s thighs, he told her, “Open your legs, baby.”

She couldn’t refuse him, allowing her legs to fall open, as a gentle sigh escaped her lips, and she stared up at him with trusting eyes. His hand cupped her gently, squeezing with just enough pressure to make her moan. His middle finger slid along her slit with a featherlight touch, barely grazing her clit, but making her hips buck in search of more. 

The fire was blazing, heating the room around them, and lighting it with a soft warm glow in the early morning light. Marlena touched John’s face lightly, and said, “Make love to me.”

Rolling her onto her back on the rug in front of the fire, John pushed the curls back from her face, and whispered, “We’re going slow this time, baby.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Roman arrived at the house around ten o’clock in the morning. Finding his mother in the kitchen with the twins, he said, “Where’s Doc?”

Caroline looked over, and saw Eric staring at his father with wide eyes. She reached for Roman’s arm, pulling him out of the room, and said quietly, “Roman, you can’t be around the twins right now.”

“What? They’re my kids, Ma!”

“I know, but Marlena didn’t press charges for what you did. She didn’t even call Abe, and he’s one of her best friends. She asked me to keep you away until she returned,” Caroline said. “She’s worried about what Eric saw. You hit her, Roman.”

“I didn’t mean to! It was an accident. I was angry!” he said. “I’m not the kind of person who goes around abusing women. You know that!”

“I wouldn’t have thought you would, but the fact remains that you did!”

“I need to talk to Doc. Just tell me where she is, so I can talk to her. We can’t fix this if she won’t speak to me,” he said.

“No. No, she’ll be home tomorrow. You can speak to her then,” Caroline said. Eric came out of the kitchen, watching his father warily.  Caroline looked over at Eric, and said to Roman, “Please go, Roman.”

He looked at Eric, seeing the fear in his sons eyes, and felt a modicum of guilt. Gesturing towards Eric, Roman told his mother, “You see that? You see how he’s looking at me? That’s why I need to talk to Doc, and straighten this out, Ma!”

Caroline looks at Eric, “Eric, go in the kitchen with Sami and clean up, please.”

“What if he hits you?” Eric asked Caroline softly.

“He won’t. He won’t hurt me,” she said gently.

Staring at Roman with hard eyes, Eric said, “You hit my Mama. I saw you.”

Roman crouched down, reaching for Eric, but the boy backed away. Sighing, Roman said, “I’m sorry. It was an accident. I was angry, and I wasn’t thinking.”

“John said that no matter how angry we get, we don’t hit girls! He said that when he was my Daddy!” Eric told his father with anger.

Feeling his frustration rising, Roman stood up. Eric’s reference to John, just served to make Roman feel even angrier. He had to leave, before things escalated. 

Caroline said quietly, “Roman, go.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Isabella woke up to find Marcus in a chair with their son asleep on his chest. She hadn’t picked a name yet. She had been planning to suggest they name their son Brady, but John wasn’t the baby’s father. That left her with no ideas at all. She had never allowed herself to even consider that it wasn’t John’s child. John was gone. She knew that. He’d gone straight to Marlena. He had said as much when he’d walked out of the room the day before.

Isabella was wiping her tears from her eyes, when Marcus woke up, staring at her from his position in the chair. “I could love you both…if you let me,” he said softly.

“Marcus…”

“Not right away…I know you’re not ready for that right now. You’re not even ready to think about it, but maybe…someday.”

“We need to pick a name,” she said quietly. “I had one picked out, but it’s no longer an option.”

“You didn’t have any other ones you might like?” Marcus asked her.

“I can’t really think right now. I feel so lost, and I know—I know John’s with Marlena right now. He would go straight to her, and really, I have no one to blame but myself, although, my first instinct is to somehow blame her,” Isabella said wryly. 

“My father’s name was Samuel,” he said.

Isabella smiled at him, looking again at her baby in his arms, “Samuel? We can name him Samuel…Samuel Victor Hunter.”

“Yeah?” Marcus asked her with a grin.

“Yeah,” she said.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John looked through the food Marlena had brought with her, and realized it consisted of bread, and the makings for sandwiches. “Doc,” he said with a laugh. “You were just going to live on turkey and cheese sandwiches?”

“I’ll have you know, John Black, I like turkey and cheese sandwiches. Besides, I was upset, and I was in a hurry,” she told him.

“I was thinking,” he said, as he plated their sandwiches, “you’re not going to be able to see me as a patient anymore. I’m pretty sure we’ve crossed some lines in terms of professionalism.”

“I never was your doctor,” she said, sitting at the table. “Not officially, anyway. You made appointments, and you came to my office, but I—I never actually put you into the system at the hospital. It was more of a friend doing a friend a favor situation.”

John stared at her, and asked, “Why?”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, before she said softly, “I was worried about how I felt about you. I could lose my license if I…crossed boundaries with a patient.”

Placing their plates on the table, John smirked at her, and said, “Didn’t trust yourself around me, huh?”

Marlena laughed, “Something like that.” 

She pulled her plate closer to her, and propped her elbows on the table taking a bite of her sandwich. John watched the way she moved, and the joy in her eyes, and he said, “You’re fucking gorgeous. You know that, Doc?”

“John, I’m a mess. My hair is everywhere, and I have a black eye.”

“It’s more than superficial. Yes, you’re beautiful in the classic sense, but when I look at you…when I see happiness in your eyes, and when you laugh…its more. You go from being beautiful to being fucking gorgeous,” he told her softly. A soft breeze blew in through the window, and brushed Marlena’s curls around her face, making John smile. It was still overcast, but the rain was falling gently now. John finished his sandwich, and told her, “The ferries start running again tomorrow.”

“Caroline was expecting me today, I think,” she replied, finishing her lemonade, and standing up to place their plates in the sink.

John reached for her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and pulled her into his lap, “I’m not complaining about a day alone with you.”

“Me either,” she whispered, kissing his lips softly. “Tomorrow is going to be hard. I have to talk to Eric about what he saw. He came into the kitchen because Roman and I were shouting. He saw…he…”

“What happened, Doc? Can you tell me what happened? I know what Caroline told me, but I want to hear it from you.”

She sighed, saying, “I few months ago, I had a dream…about you. It was deeply sensual, and I…” Marlena blushed a light shade of pink, and finally said, “I orgasmed in my sleep. It woke me up, but, by then, Roman was already awake and in the bathroom. He…”

John could sense her embarrassment, but he needed to understand what could have led Roman to hitting her, because John knew Roman cared for Marlena. He waited for her to continue.

Her head fell back onto John’s shoulder. “I was going to try and talk to him, but he was so angry. He got dressed and left the house. He didn’t return until the following morning, smelling like cigarette smoke and stale beer. We argued again. That’s all we seem to do lately is argue,” she told him. “I can’t control my dreams, and they always seemed to be about you. I can’t blame him for being frustrated, and I—I wouldn’t allow him to…make love to me. I wouldn’t allow him to even kiss me…”

“You and Roman never…?”

She lifted her head, turning to look at him, and said, “Before last night, the last person to touch me was you…five years ago.”

John felt himself almost sigh in relief, although he knew, he shouldn’t. It was unfair to hope that she had never allowed Roman to be with her, while he didn’t hold himself to the same standard, and yet, he was still relieved. Relieved to know that he was the one who held her close to him while they slept. Relieved to know that he was the one kissing her, while she moaned helplessly into his mouth. Relieved that it was his hands, she had wanted on her body. 

John said, “Caroline said he—”

“—got Billie Reed pregnant? He did. That night. He tried to make excuses, telling me it was a mistake, and he wanted to try, and work it out, but I gave up. All I could think of was you, and I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He blocked me into the corner, near the door in the kitchen. He—he shook me, and he…blamed me,” she whispered.

“Doc, you know none of that was you.”

“I know. I know. I know,” she said softly. “Then he kissed me. Hard. And I didn’t want it. I started seeing Stefano…and Kellam in my mind. I pushed him away, and that was when Eric came into the kitchen, and Roman hit me at the same time.”

“Hey,” John said, wiping a tear from her face. “Hey, Doc…that explains a lot.”

Looking at him with confusion, she said, “I don’t understand.”

“When I heard you screaming on the beach, it didn’t sound afraid. It sounded angry. It sounded like relief…I can’t really explain it, but when I saw you—you looked free.”

“I was free. Screaming into a thunderstorm can be cathartic,” she whispered, smiling softly.

He kissed her. He couldn’t stop himself, even if he had tried, he couldn’t have stopped himself. His lips took hers, and she tasted of lemonade, and something that made her distinctly, Marlena. John moaned into her mouth when she opened, and her tongue gently brushed over his in a slow dance. The skin of her back was soft on his palm, and John slid it up her back, reveling in the feel of her. He whispered against her lips, “I’ve been watching you all morning, Doc. This thin little t-shirt, and no bra. You have been trying to drive me fucking mad.”

“I thought you didn’t notice,” she whispered, licking the crease at the edge of his mouth.

“I noticed, baby. I definitely noticed,” he told her. Standing Marlena on her feet, John said gruffly, “Take off these sweatpants.” She shimmied out of them, pushing them to the floor, and kicking them to the side. John nearly fainted when he saw her panties. “I swear to G-d, these panties…”

Marlena blushed, “I packed for functionality.”

“No. No…these,” he whispered in awe, softly running his palms up the back of her thighs and cupping her ass. “These…get my heart racing,” he told her, staring at a pair of soft pink cotton panties printed with a flower design.

“Granny panties get your heart racing?” she laughed.

“Fuck, yes,” he said, lifting her t-shirt, and kissing her belly gently. His hands smoothed up her hips, pushing her t-shirt higher, and over her breasts. John licked her nipple, sucking in into his mouth, and said again, “Fuck, yes.”

Chapter 16

John sat in the chair, at the small table where they had just finished their lunch, and he ran the tip of his nose along the soft skin of her belly, as she stood in front of him. The feathery softness of cotton under his hands, had his abdomen clenching, and his cock bobbing in his sweatpants. He breathed deeply of her scent. Feeling overwhelmed with love for her, his large hands spanned her hips, and he sighed, “I love you so much, baby.”

Marlena smiled, lacing her fingers into his hair, and looking down at him. “I love you too,” she said softly. “It’s almost as if this was inevitable.”

“The fates intervened,” he whispered against her skin. The feeling of her palms moving over his bare shoulders, and across his chest, had him shivering with want. Running his hands over her skin, he nearly growled, “Take the t-shirt off, Doc.”

She pulled it over her head, shaking her hair out, and stood before him. Shivers washed over her as the cool air from the window brushed her skin. John watched with rapt fascination, his eyes roaming her body and landing on the pink flower covered panties again. Her nipples tightened in response to his lengthy stare, and he leaned forward licking over them slowly. 

John’s unshaven face rubbed over her skin, and she whispered, “I don’t think I could ever love someone, as much as I love you. John, you consume my soul.” 

Looking up at her, he said, “Doc, you are my soul.” His mouth began to slowly place kisses along her ribs, and he lifted her breast licking underneath it softly. Glancing down at the pink panties that would be the end of him, John’s fingertip traced along the tiny lace edge, where they rested on her hips, and along her stomach. He snapped the elastic gently, groaning at just the thought of her wet heat hiding from his view.

Pulling the elastic down slightly, John licked over the skin underneath, breathing in her musky scent, and feeling himself grow even harder. He could smell her arousal, and it only served to ignite him, “You smell so good, baby.”

“John,” she whispered, holding his head against her abdomen. His mouth played gently over her skin, and she could feel her legs begin to quiver. She whispered to him quietly, “John, take the sweatpants off…”

He stared into her eyes for a moment, before standing, and pushing the fabric over his hips. Marlena watched him, licking over her lips with a quick flick of her tongue, and she whispered, “I want to taste you.” Her hands slid over his shoulders, guiding him back into the chair, and she slowly sank to her knees on the floor in front of him.

John thought he might lose his mind right then, “Fuck, Doc…” She was the epitome of sexiness, her bare skin glowing a soft bronze in the hazy afternoon light.

Her soft palms moved over his thighs, the roughness of his hair under her fingers, giving her shivers. Staring up into his eyes, she settled onto her haunches, and slowly spread his legs, moving closer, saying softly, “A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I was licking you. The taste was so familiar.”

John felt the muscles in his abdomen tighten, and his cock bobbed, as he groaned, “Shit…”

Marlena’s hot breath whispered over his length, and she said, “I woke up with the taste of you in my mouth…and you weren’t even there…” Her tongue licked up his length, and she heard herself moan softly in the back of her throat, as the taste of him exploded in her mouth. Laving over the tip of him, she watched John’s head fall back in bliss.

“Oh, G-d, Doc!” he cried, grabbing onto her head, and threading his fingers through her blonde tresses roughly. When Marlena’s tongue swirled around him, and she took him fully into her mouth, his hips bucked up involuntarily. Forcing himself to focus, he ground out, “I’m sorry, Doc…I’m sorry…”

Her mouth was hot and wet, creating the perfect blend of tension in his body. Within a few minutes, John knew he wasn’t going to last. Her fingernails raked over the skin of his thighs, and she was moaning low in her throat, creating a vibration that rocked him to his core. He tightened his fingers in her hair, pulling her mouth off of him with a pop. The combination of her wide, innocent, arousal blown eyes, and her on her knees in those cotton panties, almost made him come. Marlena gave him a sexy smirk, and moved to take his length back into her mouth, but John stopped her.

“Fuck, Marlena…I can’t. I won’t last…and I want more,” he rasped, lifting her to her feet in front of him. He pulled her forward roughly, and his lips began to suck at her breasts again.

Marlena’s head rolled back for a moment, and her knees almost buckled, as she cried out, “John!”

“I fucking love your breasts,” he growled, cupping them with his hands roughly. “I love your hips, and I love your ass…” he finished with a heavy smack onto her rounded flesh. 

His palms squeezed her buttocks at the crease where her thighs met. “Oh, G-d! John!” She cried, feeling his teeth bite at her skin, and suck it into his mouth. He was going to leave marks on her, marks that would match the bruises on her hips from the night before on the beach. 

John pulled back, and asked her softly, “Are you wet?”

All she could do was gasp, “Oh!”

“Are you swollen and wet for me?” he asked her.

“John!”

He pulled the gusset of her panties aside, and ran his finger softly over her crease, “Fuck, baby…you are so wet. I can feel the heat rolling off of you.”

She gasped lightly and said breathlessly, “You do that to me. You…only you…”

John tipped his head down, breathing her in, and nudged her clit with the tip of his nose. Marlena almost wept at the sensation. “So fucking hot,” he groaned.

The sensation in her body was so heightened, she felt like she could come from a simple touch, and his words. She was so close, “John…I’m going to…I—I…”

He didn’t wait to hear her words, instead his lips quickly sucked her clit into his mouth, and began to pull at it voraciously, while Marlena threw her head back, and screamed in ecstasy. Coming down from her climax, she felt her knees begin to give way. John lifted her easily, spreading her legs wide, and pushed her body down onto his length, entering her in one thrust. She immediately began climaxing again. Her pussy clenched, and rolled over John’s length, and he started coming, thrusting into her repeatedly, while he shouted, “Fuck!”

Moments later, Marlena sagged against him weakly, her arms around his shoulders, and her face buried in his neck. John’s cock was still deep inside her. She whispered to him, “I love you.”

John kissed her softly on her forehead, and mumbled, “Those fucking panties, Doc.”

Marlena chuckled lightly, “I think, I might buy some more.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It didn’t take Roman long to figure out that Marlena was on Smith Island. It took him even less time to figure out that John was with her. His life was a mess. He cheated on Marlena, and gotten Billie pregnant. He’d hit Marlena, and Eric had witnessed it. Bo was angry with him. His parents were furious with him, and now he found out that Isabella had given birth to Marcus’s baby…not John’s. He knew exactly where John was. He was enraged at the turn his life had taken, angry that Marlena was with John, and all he could think to do was find a way to hurt them both.

He walked out of Tom Horton’s office after a thirty minute meeting, feeling smug and self-righteous. As the door closed behind him, Tom shook his head sadly. Roman was being bitter and vindictive, but he would still have to investigate the accusations, now that they had been brought. Roman’s claims that Marlena was sleeping with John while he was her patient were very serious. Tom couldn’t imagine Marlena being so unprofessional, as to sleep with a patient; however, if John was a patient, Tom couldn’t be sure that she wouldn’t. Roman wasn’t around when Marlena was married to John, and Tom understood that sometimes even the best intentions were tempted in certain cases.

Accessing the hospital database, Tom pulled up Marlena’s patient list. He felt a sense of relief to see that John’s name wasn’t listed. If she was seeing him as a patient, it wasn’t official. He could work with that, although when she returned to work, he would need to meet with her, to discuss Roman’s claims. Tom truly hoped that Roman’s accusations came to nothing, because Roman was entirely too smug as he’d sat before him trying to ruin his wife’s career.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John sat next to Marlena on the beach, looking out over the water. Marlena glanced over at him, and said softly, “I’m filing for divorce when I get home.”

John’s eyes caught hers, and he asked her, “You’ve thought it over?”

“I’d decided before you even got here. It’s not working. It wasn’t working. It wasn’t fair to him, or myself…or the children,” she said. “I spent most of my free time imagining a life with you. I dreamed of you. I couldn’t allow Roman to touch me, or kiss me, because I felt like I was being unfaithful to you…I still feel married to you.”

“Do you know how happy that makes me?”

“I think, I have an idea,” she replied with a smile. Her fingers laced through John’s, and she stared at their hands for a moment. “Roman is going to make this very hard.”

“He wasn’t happy with me spending time with the kids before,” he told her. “Now that I’m refusing to give you up…I imagine it’s going to get worse.”

“I’m not giving you up this time,” she whispered. “Last night, and today with you…I’d nearly forgotten how happy you make me. I had resigned myself to losing you.”

“It wouldn’t have worked. You know that, don’t you?”

“What?”

“I would have ended up cheating on Isabella…you would have cheated on Roman.”

“Isn’t that what I’m doing now?”

“That’s not what I meant, Doc,” he replied, pulling her into his body, and leaning back in the sand. “I—we would have been continually drawn to each other, and we would have ended up hurting them. All because we can’t let each other go.”

Marlena rolled towards him, kissing him softly, and then licking over his mouth playfully, “I’m done fighting it, John. Get this…you’re stuck with me.”

“That’s a fact, baby. That’s a fact,” he whispered against her mouth. He pushed her onto her back, into the sand, and sucked lightly on the skin of her neck.

Marlena laughed lightly, “John! I’m going to need a shower to get the sand out of my hair!”

“A shower? Are you feeling dirty, Marlena?”

Her body shivered violently, and her core clenched tightly, causing her to gasp out, “Oh!”

“I can help you shower…I’m feeling a little dirty myself,” he whispered, licking her ear lobe, and then biting at it. “I’m feeling really fucking dirty.”

“Oh, G-d!” she cried. “Me too!”

Chapter 17

The day had warmed up considerably for late April. John stood in the shower, and watched the warm, soapy water trail down Marlena’s back, and into the crease of her bottom, nearly groaning out loud. He couldn’t get over how much he wanted her. His desire for her was almost spiritual, a constant ache, and need to be close to her. Her blonde hair was piled high on her head, with tendrils curling around her face softly. Watching her run the loofah over her neck and shoulders, his hands reached for her, settling on her hips, and pulling her body flush with his.

Marlena was lost to her own thoughts, until she felt the evidence of John’s arousal pressed against her backside. His soft, gentle lips, moved over her skin, and onto the nape of her neck. It felt so good, she sighed softly, and allowed her head to fall back against him. Cupping her breasts, John rubbed his thumbs over her nipples softly, murmuring, “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m afraid,” she said softly, resting against his chest.

“Afraid?”

Marlena tipped her head, looking up at him, “We’re going to leave here tomorrow, and the harsh reality of our lives are going to come crashing back onto us. Being here, just the two of us…has been so amazing, John. I worry that tomorrow—”

“—I promise you, right now, Doc…I promise, that I’m not giving up on us. Us together, us as a family with the kids…I’m not giving that up,” he told her. “No matter what. I know it’s going to be difficult, dealing with Roman…and Isabella, and I know the family is going to be shocked, but I’m not walking away.” He turned her to face him, tipping her chin up so that he could look into her eyes, and he said, “I promise, baby.”

“I want a life with you,” she said.

“We’re going to get it. We are. It’s going to take some time to work through everything, but I’m not giving up on us.”

“I need to talk to Eric…about what he saw.”

“Can I be there?”

“You want to be there?”

“When the twins were six, Eric got angry with Sami, and he hit her in the face with a wooden block. Her eye was black for a week. Every time he saw it, he cried. He knew what he had done to her was wrong. Eric and I had a very long talk about anger, and not hitting girls,” John said. “He’s going to remember that conversation, and he’s probably so confused right now, seeing Roman do something like that to his mother.” John touched her cheek softly, running his fingertips over the purple and green tinged skin along her cheekbone. “Eric is going to see this, and he’s going to remember what happened with Sami,” he said.

“I was thinking, I should cover it,” she said slowly.

“I don’t think you should. Eric saw what happened. I’m not trying to make him think poorly of Roman, but I don’t think you should hide it.”

“You’re right. Of course, you’re right,” she murmured, watching her fingers play over his skin. Looking up at him with bright eyes, she whispered, “You help me think so clearly, and I need that. I need you.”

The water started to feel cooler, and John said, “We should get out of here.”

Reaching behind herself to turn off the water, Marlena looked back towards John, and asked him, “How are you feeling?”

He was silent as he wrapped her with a towel, and he finally said, “Isabella hurt me. I’ve been thinking about it, and she told me in Mexico that she was pregnant with my baby.” He finished wrapping a towel around his waist, and said, “She knew there was a chance that the baby might not be mine, but she kept that from me. Intentionally. She lied, Doc. I was hurting so much then, thinking that I was about to lose everything…you and the kids were my everything, and Isabella knew just what to say to pull me in.”

Marlena reached for John’s hand, as they started walking back towards the cabin, lacing their fingers together, “I was worried you would be really hurt by that, when you had calmed down, and had time to think it over.”

“It was devious, Doc. Not a simple mistake, but calculated,” he told her softly. “That baby…I thought he would be my son.”

Stepping onto the porch, Marlena turned to him, touching his face softly, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that she lied to you, and I’m sorry that he’s not your son.”

“I can’t even be angry with Marcus. He left the week you came back to Salem. I don’t even think he knew it was a possibility until the day of my surgery,” John said.

Marlena stared at him for a moment, “I don’t think he knew either. He acted so odd that day, when you mentioned Isabella having Braxton-Hicks contractions. It was more than just being surprised she was pregnant, but I was so concerned about you, I just brushed it off.”

“He did. I wrongly assumed he was simply surprised at the news.”

“She’s going to beg you to take her back,” Marlena said, running her palms over his bare shoulders.

“Roman’s going to beg you to take him back,” John said, shivery at her soft touch along his skin.

“I can’t,” she whispered, trailing her fingers over his lips. “This time with you has made me so happy. It’s made me remember how much I loved being with you…being your wife.”

“I’d like you to eventually be my wife again, Doc,” he murmured.

Marlena smile at John, her hazel eyes shining with love, “I’d like you to be my husband.”

“I think that could be arranged, baby.”

The sun was going down in the sky, and Marlena said, “We go back tomorrow, and I don’t want to waste tonight.”

“I’ve got plans for you tonight, Doc. Get inside, and take off the towel,” he told her.

“Feeling a little bossy tonight, John?”

“If my memory serves me right, Marlena, you like it when I’m bossy in the bedroom.”

“Oh! I do,” she nearly moaned, as John lifted her palm to his mouth, and nipped at her flesh.

“Get inside baby,” he said in a rough voice. Following her inside the cabin, John watched with admiration as she dropped her towel on the floor, and glanced back at him over her shoulder. “Go stand at the end of the bed, and grab the bed rail.”

Innately, she knew what he wanted, and her breathing picked up in anticipation. Placing both hands firmly on the bedrail, she spread her legs slightly, and waited.

John tossed his towel on the floor beside her, and marveled at her body spread out, and waiting for him. Smoothing his palm up her thigh, and over her hip, he rasped out, “You complete me in a way I will never be able to fully comprehend.” His other hand pushed up her spine, and wrapped around her neck, as his chest settled against her back.

Her skin shivered at his touch, and Marlena found herself, raising her body up on her toes, seeking something, seeking more of John. Feeling the rasp of his hair against the backs of her thighs, had her sighing loudly, and pushing back against him. She could feel his length brush against her.

The fingers of his hand slid around the front of her thigh, creeping between her legs, and John groaned aloud, deep in his chest, “How are you already wet?”

“The shower,” she whispered, feeling his finger push along her cleft. “I wanted you in the shower.”

“I thought about it,” he said against her neck, while running his finger gently along her slit. “I thought about telling you to grab onto the shower wall, and pushing into you from behind.”

Her breath stuttered at his words, and she gasped in want, “Oh, G-d! Why didn’t you?”

“You would have liked that…huh, Doc?”

All she could do was pant, “Yes, yes…yes…” John’s finger withdrew, and he stared at her moisture glistening along its length. Slowly he brought it to his mouth, and Marlena watched with rapt attention, as he placed it in his mouth with a hum of satisfaction, sucking her arousal off of it.

“You taste amazing, baby. C’mere,” he said, pulling her face to the side, and slipping his tongue along her lips. John kissed her mouth deeply, and when he pulled back, he told her, “Can you taste yourself on my tongue?”

“Yes,” she whispered helplessly.

John’s cock nestled into the crease of her ass, and he groaned, his hips bucking against her for relief. “I want to push into your heat right now.”

“Do it,” she gasped, lost in the spell he had weaved around them.

John knew he should wait, try and make this last, but he couldn’t. Looping his arms underneath hers, he gripped her shoulders, lining his cock up with her entrance, “Are you sure? Because, I don’t think I can wait.”

“John! Yes!” she cried out, wanting to feel the fullness of him inside her. Desperate to feel as if, for a brief moment, they were one.

John’s cock slid into her tight, wet, heat, and they both groaned with the relief. Her channel fluttered around him, as she adjusted to him buried deep within her. “John! John! Oh, G-d! John…move…please move…”

“If I move right now, baby, I’m going to come,” he said roughly. “You’re so fucking tight and hot…you feel so fucking good.”

“Please,” she panted, feeling right on the edge. Marlena pushed her bottom back into John, trying to get relief.

Pulling his hips back, he pushed back inside her roughly, then again slowly, “I love you, Doc. I love you.” His mouth licked over her neck, and bit at her ear. 

“John…John…I love you,” she whispered, reveling in the feel of his hot breath on her skin. His palm wrapped around her neck, squeezing slightly, and pulled her mouth to his, licking over her soft lips.. Marlena was lost, and couldn’t hold back anymore. “John! Oh, G-d, I’m—I’m…”

Her pussy clenched his length, rolling and spasming as her orgasm took over, and John was destroyed. Pumping his hips into her over and over again with a roar, while he held her in place with his hand on her throat, and sucked the skin of her neck voraciously. Just as she was coming down, John pushed into her one last time, hard and deep, slamming his cock into her cervix, and she started coming again, screaming, “Fuck!”

John held her for long moments after, his cock still buried in her. He finally said softly, with awe, “What was that?”

Marlena grinned, and whispered shyly, “You hit my cervix and I—I orgasmed again.”

“Is that a thing? Because, baby, if that’s a thing…I’m going to do it again,” he replied.

Chapter 18

John woke the next morning from a delicious dream. His cock had been sliding in and out of Marlena, while she’d scratched along his back with her nails. His eyes flew open, only to realize that Marlena’s mouth was wrapped around his cock, and that warm, wet heat he’d felt in his dream, was very much a reality. Groaning loudly, his hands moved towards her head, threading into her hair, and he rasped out in a sleep roughened voice, “Ah! Fuck, Doc…that feels so good.”

Feeling smug with herself she smiled around him, sliding her palm along his thigh, and swirled her tongue around the head slowly, finally pulling off of him. She licked a long path up his length, and John gasped, and then moaned again, when she took him back into her mouth. 

His fingers clenched in her hair tightly, pulling it, and Marlena moaned around his length, sucking even harder. John cried out, “Oh, G-d!” He was going to come if she didn’t stop, and he tried to pull her mouth off of him, “Doc…oh, fuck! G-d, Doc! You’ve got to stop, baby…”

Marlena pulled her mouth off of him, with a smile, and said huskily, “Good morning, Sailor.”

John reached for her desperately, and pulled her body up over his, so that she straddled him. He couldn’t slow down, and slid into her swollen folds easily, “You are so fucking wet!” His breathing was ragged, and his fingers dug into her already bruised hips. Marlena rolled her body over him with a deep groan, reveling in the desperation she had created in him. John said, “You feel so good, Doc…so damn good…kiss me…”

Her lips met his softly, pulling at him, and her tongue licked across his mouth. Planting his heels in the bed, John wrapped his arms around her waist tightly, and began to drive himself into her forcefully, unable to hold back. They were leaving the cabin today, and he needed this moment with her. This one last connection of souls to reassure him, that they would make it together.

Marlena’s arms wrapped around his neck, and she sucked at his skin, groaning, and making high pitched mewling sounds, crying his name repeatedly.

“Doc…I’m going to come. I can’t hold back! Fuck, I can’t stop…oh, G-d! Are you close?” he rasped, thrusting into her rapidly, almost frenetically.

“I’m there! I’m there! John!” she cried, exploding with sensation, and John fell over the edge with her, biting at the skin of her shoulder roughly, and holding her body to his tightly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The ferry docked, and John held Marlena’s hand in his as they stepped off of the boat. The air was cooler than it had been in the days prior, and Marlena shivered slightly with the breeze coming off of the river. Kissing her fingers, John said quietly, “Is your car parked here?”

“No, Caroline dropped me off,” she replied.

“Mine is. Come on, I’ll drive you home. We can talk to Eric, see where he’s at with everything,” John told her, tugging her after him, grateful to have a few more minutes alone with her. 

Marlena followed him, “I ask Caroline to keep Roman away from the children while I was gone. I hope that she did, at least until I can make some decisions.”

“Caroline will respect that. She was upset about Roman, and what had happened, when I saw her. I feel like she would wait, like you asked her.”

Marlena slid into John’s car, and he tossed her bag in the backseat. Once they were on the road, he reached for her hand, and said, “I was wondering if you might like to have dinner with me this Saturday?”

“Are you asking me on a date, Sailor?”

John smirked, “Yeah, Doc. I’m asking you on a date.”

“Saturday just opened up for me,” she said jokingly. “So, dinner, huh?”

“At my place,” he said. “Around 7?”

“Your place?”

John had more than dinner on his mind, and he replied, “Definitely my place, baby.”

“Should I wear anything special?”

“Surprise me,” he said softly, willing himself to keep his eyes on the road. A few minutes later, John parked in Marlena’s driveway, and looked over at her, “You ready, Doc?”

“Yes,” she said softly, touching her bruised cheek lightly. “Yes…let’s—let’s go talk to Eric.”

Caroline gasped lightly when she saw Marlena. The bruising and discoloration had gotten much worse in the four days Marlena had been gone, “Oh, Marlena! I’m so sorry.”

“I’m fine,” Marlena said quietly, touching her face self consciously. “Honestly, I am. It looks worse than it feels.”

“It shouldn’t have happened,” Caroline said. “Roman should never have hit you. Shawn and I taught him better than that.”

“I need to speak with Eric about what he saw.”

“He’s been very upset,” Caroline told her. “Roman showed up, and as I was asking him to leave, Eric came out of the kitchen. He was worried that Roman might hit me…he told Roman that…well, he said John had told him that it wasn’t right to hit girls. He was very angry.”

“Roman was here?”

“I told him to leave. He did, but Eric has been upset and quiet ever since,” Caroline said.

I wanted to…” Marlena looked up at John, and said, “John and I wanted to talk to Eric about what happened.”

“I understand,” Caroline said. “Sami’s in the backyard with a friend. Eric is in his room.”

Marlena nodded her head, and reached for John’s hand, pulling him towards the stairs. Caroline watched them go, and felt that they were so right together. Marlena and John were so in sync, so in tune with each other. They had been since they’d met. Caroline couldn’t deny that, and they shouldn’t have tried to deny it. 

Marlena knocked softly on Eric’s door, before opening it. He looked up, and started crying when he saw her face. “Oh, my sensitive boy!” Marlena said, rushing into the room, and scooping his up. “I’m fine! I’m fine!”

“Mama! I yelled at him! I yelled at him, and I said we don’t hit girls!” Eric sobbed into Marlena’s shoulder.

“I know, baby. I know,” she whispered, smoothing her hand over his back, while sitting down on the floor next to his bed. John sat down beside her quietly.

Eric looked at John, and said, “I told him what you said. I told him you said we don’t hit girls. You said that when you were my Daddy.”

“I did. It’s never okay for a man or a boy to hit girls,” John said quietly. 

Eric touched his mother’s face lightly, still crying softly, “I heard him yelling, and when I went in the kitchen, he hit you. You fell on the floor…and then—then you left…”

“I’m sorry, I left. I was—I was upset, and I needed some space, but I should have talked about what you’d seen, before I left. I’m sorry I didn’t,” Marlena said.

“You were crying, and you were sad.”

“I was, but I’m better now. I had John with me,” she whispered.

Eric looked at John and then back towards Marlena, and he said, “Da—John always makes things better.”

Marlena smiled, “He does, doesn’t he?”

Eric was afraid of Roman coming back into the house, and he asked Marlena, “Is Dad coming back? To live here?”

“No, Eric,” Marlena said gently. “Your Dad and I…that’s not working.”

Eric whispered, “Can John be my Daddy again?”

“I’m going to get to see you more,” John told him.

“Can you coach my tee ball team again? Because we couldn’t find a coach, and Caleb’s dad, Mr. Fisher, is doing it, but everyone asked me why you couldn’t do it…”

John glanced at Marlena, and she had this look of sadness cross her face. Eric had begged Roman to coach his tee ball team, because prior to Roman’s return, John had always made the time to do it. It was almost as if the families involved expected Eric’s father would be the coach. Roman had insisted that, with his work schedule, he didn’t have the time, and he had refused, disappointing Eric immensely.

Marlena brushed the hair from Eric’s forehead, and said, “I think John might like to coach your tee ball team, but I think you should ask him.”

Eric looked at the man, he wished with his whole heart was still his father, and he asked, “Could you coach the team? We’re really bad…and I—I miss you.”

“C’mere, Slugger,” John said pulling Eric into his lap. “I would love to coach you, and your team. Those are some of my favorite memories.”

Eric smiled, “Sami’s going to be so jealous!”

John thought about it for a moment, and said, “I was thinking we could start up pizza Friday’s again.”

Marlena smiled, and Eric whooped, “Pizza Fridays! Can I go tell Sami?”

“Go tell Sami,” Marlena said softly. She watched Eric speed from the room, and she said to John, “I want to do this with you. This life…with you. It’s going to be hard at first. You know that right? Roman is not going to make this easy.”
“I don’t care. I’m not letting you go again,” John told her, looping his arm around her waist, and pulling her close. He whispered against her head, “In Mexico…I was so fucking upset to learn that I wasn’t Roman Brady. Everything was so chaotic. I felt like I had no right to fight for something that wasn’t mine, but, G-d, Doc, I wanted too, and then Isabella…she lied to me. If she hadn’t done that, Doc…it doesn’t matter now. I can’t change anything at all, but I feel like…maybe, I might have made a different choice. I think, I would have chosen you.”

Marlena said softly, “I felt so guilty. For everything Roman went through. For any joy I may have felt with you, while he was suffering. The guilt was overwhelming, and when you…”

John waited for Marlena to continue, and when she didn’t, he said, “Say it, Doc. Don’t hold back…because we’ve been doing that for months, and I don’t want to anymore. I want to know—”

“—you slept with Isabella,” Marlena blurted out. “I felt so much guilt over what Roman had been through, but I still wanted you. I couldn’t imagine Roman kissing me. I couldn’t imagine Roman’s hands on my body. I was going to tell you…but you slept with Isabella, and I felt like you had made your choice, and it wasn’t me. I decided to give Roman a chance.”

John held her tightly against him, breathing heavily, and feeling as if a lead weight sat in his gut. The realization of what she was saying nearly broke him. John rasped out, “I’m sorry, Doc. Fuck, I’m so sorry! I thought I’d lost you—”

“—you didn’t ask me, John.”

“I gave up, and for that…for that, I’m so sorry.”

Marlena straddled John’s lap, and whispered, “Don’t do it again, Sailor.”

Placing his hands under her, cupping her ass, John pulled Marlena closer, and said, “Kiss me.”

Marlena grinned, and leaned towards his mouth slowly, just as they heard the screams and pounding feet of the twins on the stairs. Marlena rolled away from John quickly, and they both made sure they were presentable. Sami roared into the room screaming, “Pizza Friday’s? With Mama and Daddy?”

Eric stood behind her, and whispered, “We’re supposed to call him John.”

Sami turned, and looked at Eric angrily, “And I told you, I don’t care.” Running towards John, her blonde hair flying behind her, Sami leapt into his arms, “I missed you! I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Peanut. I missed you, too!” he replied.

Chapter 19

Roman arrived at the house the following afternoon at Marlena’s request. When he entered the house he found Marlena standing near the table. Her face was marred by bruising from where he’d hit her, and she’d made no effort to cover it. Roman felt like her decision to pull her hair back in a ponytail was almost done deliberately, to highlight what he’d done to her. He stepped closer to her, and said, “Doc.”

“Have a seat, Roman,” she told him gesturing at the table, and taking a seat across. “We need to talk, but I want you to know that if you touch me…at all, I will call Abe, and press charges.”

Shame rolled over him, and he said quickly, “Doc! I’m so sorry about that! I was angry, and I wasn’t thinking!”

“You hit me! You hit me so hard I fell to the floor, and our son…our child saw you do it! So, you will not be touching me. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, Doc. Yeah, I understand,” he said, sitting down at the table.

“Seven years ago…I wanted nothing more than to have a calm, peaceful life. I was happy to make you happy, and I often did that at the expense of myself,” she said.

“What? No! No, we were happy!”

“We were happy, but you have to understand that the happiness we had, often came at my expense,” she told him. Roman stared at her blankly, but she continued, “Do you remember the day we got married? The argument we had?” Roman couldn’t recall that argument specifically, but for Marlena is was imprinted on her mind…

“I’m not really sure that I want to marry you right now!” Marlena screamed at Roman.

“What do you want me to do? Go out there, and tell all those people to go home?” he asked her.

“I expect you to stand up to me, and answer my question! You owe me that much!”

“I told you, I will tell you later! This is not the time, or the place!” he said loudly.

“This is the time, Roman! I have been worried sick waiting for you to get to this church! I didn’t know if you would ever show up at all, and now I want to know where you were, and what you were doing, and why you were late getting to the church!”

“I was late getting to this church because I was in a fight!”

“A fight? With whom? About what?”

“I told you I would tell you all this later,” he said in frustration.

“No! I want you to tell me now!” she shouted, angry that he wasn’t being honest with her. 

“No!” he roared. “I will not tell you now! Now who’s the boss in this marriage anyway?”

“We’re both the boss in this marriage!”

“No, no, no! I am the boss, and I am telling you to get your tush out there, and marry me, right now!”

Marlena screamed, feeling tears fill her eyes, “I’m not going anywhere until I know what happened today!”

“Doc! You will only get yourself upset, and you will not even enjoy your own wedding!”

“Get upset?” she cried, in a tear filled voice. “How do you think I feel right now?”

“I think, you’re sounding like a fish wife! That’s what I think!” he yelled at her.

Roman looked into Marlena tear filled eyes, and said, lamely, “You were angry that I was late to the church.”

“I was,” she replied. “But I was more angry that you refused to tell me why. Instead you yelled, screamed, and refused to give me the respect I deserved. You refused to explain yourself. You told me that you were the boss in our marriage…and you called me a fish wife. On my wedding day, Roman.”

“I don’t remember doing that,” he said. “But if I did, I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” she told him. “I only brought it up, because I needed to make a point. I’m not that woman anymore. I’m not someone who can be in a relationship and feel like my opinions, my thoughts, and my feelings aren’t valued. I simply cannot be that woman. You were gone for seven years, and in those seven years…I became someone else. I became stronger, and learned to—”

“—Doc!” Roman interrupted. “For nearly five of those years you were in a coma!”

“Was I?” she asked him.

Roman was temporarily stunned, “What?”

“I’ve been having memories…dreams,” she said. “Playing chess with Stefano. Walking through a tropical garden…I tried to speak with you about them. Do you remember? But, you just brushed me off. You don’t know if I was in a coma for the whole time, because I don’t know if I was in a coma the whole time. I don’t think I was, but you’ve never concerned yourself with any of it, to find out.”

“I—I thought you were…”

“Don’t make excuses now. Don’t pretend you suddenly want to know,” she told him derisively. “When you ‘died’ I lived on my own for more than a year. I shot Stefano in the rafters of the Opera House, did you know that? I went on trial for his murder, although after Mexico, we both know he wasn’t dead.”

Roman stared at her, eyes wide, as Marlena said, “He’d killed you. He’d kidnapped the twins…I hunted him down, and I shot him.”

“He kidnapped the twins? Doc!”

“After that, I tried to start dating. I tried to move on with my life…I—I started dating Richard,” she said softly.

“Richard Cates?”

“Yes, I may have even fallen in love with him, honestly,” she said with a sad smile. “But he had a secret life that even his son didn’t know about. Richard killed Theo…Abe’s brother. Richard was heading up a drug ring in Salem. My relationship with Richard, and the way it ended, created a lot of trust issues…with myself…and with Carrie.”

“I didn’t know,” Roman said softly. 

“Did you want to know?”

“Doc, I’m sorry…I came home so angry about John…”

“Abe shot Richard, and my world collapsed. I didn’t know who I could trust. I turned in on myself, and the only person I could believe in was Chris. We tried to date…but it could never be more than friends. Chris was safe, but he didn’t spark any real passion in me,” she murmured.

“Kostichek?” Roman asked incredulously. 

“Yes,” Marlena said with a smile. “But then I met John—”

“—you thought he was me,” Roman interjected.

“No. Not at first. He was John Black. He saved my life when Shenanigans was being robbed. He was hired to be head of security at the hospital…but Roman, you have to know, at that time, he was just John Black.”

“I thought, you believed he was me,” Roma said.

“I met John at the end of January. I knew him as John Black until the middle of May. That’s nearly five months. Roman, you’ve never let me talk about this. You’ve never wanted to discuss any of it.”

“What’s the point, Doc? How is talking about the past going to help us move forward?”

“If you don’t want to talk about the past, you don’t want to know me, Roman! I’m not the same woman you left!” Marlena cried, wiping tears from her face quickly. “Don’t you understand that?”

“I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was!”

“It can’t…I can’t,” she said softly, wiping at her face again. “I’ve been through too much. I fell in love with John—”

“—fucking John Black!” Roman roared, standing up quickly, and causing his chair to fall back. “I hate him!”

“Roman, sit down,” Marlena said. “Why don’t you explain to me, why you seem to hate John so much?”

“He stole everything from me!”

“Did he steal it…or did I give it to him?”

Roman turned to face her, “What the fuck, Doc!”

“John and I…we were afraid that he might be Stefano. I had been helping him with his amnesia, and we’d left Salem, because Victor was after him. We were hoping to find the doctor who had done his facial reconstruction, and we did. He agreed to meet us…we—we were in West Virginia, and then I saw the tattoo on John’s back, the phoenix. It scared me, and I tried to run, but John wouldn’t let me. I hated him, because I thought he was Stefano…but I also loved him, because he was John,” she said quietly.

Roman picked his chair up off of the floor, and sat down at the table, “That makes no sense, Doc.”

“Maybe to you, it makes no sense,” she said. “I was already in love with John…thinking he might be Stefano, it complicated things…a lot, but it didn’t make me stop loving who he was.”

“You thought he was Stefano? The man who’d killed me, took me from my children…and you still…Doc, that’s sick!”

“I couldn’t stop loving him. He didn’t even know who he was—”

“—but Stefano?”

“I loved him. I knew, I couldn’t give him up. It didn’t matter who he was, so when I found the doctor’s notes scattered over the hillside, with your photo as the patient…I remember feeling this overwhelming sense of relief, because if John was Roman, then he wasn’t Stefano, and I could love him,” she said. “I’m not asking you to understand, Roman. I’m just asking you to listen.”

“Doc, that’s so fucked up. You loved John because you thought he was me—”

“—Roman! Listen to me! I loved John, because he was John!” she said, desperate for him to understand. “I’ve tried so many times to explain this to you. Thinking he was you…made the transition easier, but, I already loved him. Please understand that.”

Roman was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “I ran into Bo on the pier a few weeks ago. He—he said something…similar, said I should talk to you about it.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t. When I was locked up, in the cell in San Cristobal, the guards would…they would bring in video tapes of you, John, and the twins. Sami and Eric were calling another man Daddy. You were calling him, Roman. I wasn’t given any context, and the anger…the rage I felt, it consumed me,” Roman told her. “Do you know what that does to a man?”

“How could I? You never spoke to me about any of it, and you didn’t want me to speak of it either.”

“John is not who you think he is,” Roman said firmly. “He’s a pawn in Stefano’s game.”

Marlena said softly, “More than you realize.”

“What, exactly, does that mean?” he asked her.

“When John first arrived in Salem, he had no idea who he was…but Victor, and everyone else who was involved, called him The Pawn. Imagine that, Roman. Having no name, and being thought of as nothing more than collateral damage,” Marlena replied. “John didn’t know who he was, but he’s finding his answers.”

“Doc, listen. When you came home, after being gone all of those years, you came home to me—”

“—I came home to John—”

“—who you thought was me!” Roman said loudly. 

“I thought he was you, Roman, but I came home to him. His arms, his face…his love. I can’t get past that. I don’t want to get past that. It’s not fair to you. It’s not fair to me—”

“—so, what are you saying, Doc? You want a divorce? You’re just going to give up on us?”

“Is that how you see it?” she asked him quietly.

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” he demanded.

“No,” she replied. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I am.”

“So, that’s it? We’re over. Doc, I’m begging you for another chance,” Roman said fiercely. “I’m sorry I hit you. I won’t do it again. I swear.”

“Roman, before you hit me, you had already grabbed me twice, and left bruises on my arms. You had—you had done that to me before…when we were married. Anytime I disagreed with you. Anytime you felt you needed emphasis, you grabbed me. You would shake me. You would raise your voice, and I would give in. To keep the peace, to make you happy. The night you left me to go after Stefano, the twins were barely a month old, you grabbed me then, and shook me,” she told him with silent defiance. “This time was more of the same. The escalation, and then you hit me. There is no other chance. I want a divorce.”

Roman stared at her seething, “You think I don’t know?”

“Know what?” 

“That John was with you at the Horton cabin. Do you think I don’t know about that?” Roman asked her.

“That has nothing to do with this discussion,” Marlena said.

“The hell it doesn’t, Doc! He finds out Isabella’s baby isn’t his, and he went straight to you! Now you want a fucking divorce?”

“I’d already decided on a divorce before he arrived.”

Roman stood up again, leaning over the table towards her, “You don’t think Tom Horton, and the hospital board is going to have something to say about a doctor sleeping with a patient?”

Marlena stared at him for a moment, and realized, Roman had already gone to Tom about this. Marlena nearly laughed with the irony, “You’re asking for another chance after you’ve already gone to Tom, and tried to sabotage my career?”

Roman paused momentarily, and then yelled, “You left here, without giving me a chance, and you went, and fucked John Black! You did, didn’t you? I mean, he was at the cabin with you, the ferries weren’t running. Of course you were fucking him!”

Marlena stood up, “This conversation has digressed. You need to leave, Roman.”

Roman rounded the table, stepping closer, “I’m not leaving until you answer the question. Were you fucking John at the Horton cabin?”

“Roman, I need you to leave,” she said shakily, taking a step back. She saw the slant of his shoulders, and his fists balled in rage, and she said softly, “Roman. I told you, if you hit me again…I will report it. Charges will be filed, and I don’t want to do that. I want you to get help.”

“Maybe I’ll get myself a head shrink that’ll fuck me on the side too,” he said crassly.

“Get out, Roman. This conversation is over,” Marlena told him.

Roman wanted to hit her. He could imagine shutting her up with a fist in her face, and he found himself shocked at the violent image. Shaking and trembling with rage, he turned on his heel and slammed the door violently on the way out of the house. Marlena sank to the floor, and cried.

Chapter 20

Tom glanced up from his desk when Marlena entered his office. He closed the file he was looking over, and placed it to the side. Smiling at her, he said, “Marlena, thank you for meeting with me.”

“I’m fairly certain, I already know what this is about,” she replied, taking a seat across from him. Her hands twined together, and she felt her stomach roll uncomfortably, “Roman stopped by this afternoon, and he insinuated that he had spoken with you.”

“He did, and as you know, once questions are raised about certain things…I have to investigate,” Tom sighed softly, and said reluctantly. “I don’t mean to inquire into matters of such a private nature, but I have too.”

“I understand,” she said. “As you know, I was staying at your cabin for a few days. I’m not sure what Alice may have told you, but Roman and I argued. He hit me, and Eric saw it happen.”

“I didn’t want to pry,” Tom said, acknowledging the bruise on her face, but it was obvious as soon as she entered that something was amiss.

“Roman somehow found out that John had gone out to Smith Island the night of the storm,” she said.

“Roman’s concern, when he came to me, was that John was a patient of yours, and that you were—”

“—sleeping with a patient? Roman’s motive was to hurt me. The quickest and harshest way for him to do that, is to target my career. I know that, Tom. You know that as well,” she said with simmering anger.

Tom sighed, “I still have to know, Marlena.”

“John was never a patient. I was helping a friend, but seeing him was never official. He was never logged in the hospital records as a patient of mine. I didn’t trust myself…to spend that much time with him. I didn’t have faith that I…” she said softly, her voice trailing off while she studied her clenched hands. Finally glancing up at Tom, she said, “I loved John too much, to be that stupid. I knew—I knew there was a chance for things to go badly, so he was never logged as an official patient.”

“It still looks…unprofessional,” he said slowly. “Even questionable, Marlena.”

“I know. I know. I know,” she whispered mostly to herself. More loudly she said, “That’s true, and I never believed it would go that far, but always, at the back of my mind, I thought…what if? Everything fell apart, Tom. Everything. Once moment, I was committed to Roman, to trying to make our marriage work, but he cheated on me. He got another woman pregnant, and then he—he hit me. I went to the cabin to be alone. To make some decisions. Then John…”

Tom suddenly understood what had happened, “John realized that Isabella’s baby wasn’t his.”

Marlena nodded her head once, and whispered, “We were like two broken, destroyed souls coming together. I don’t know how else to explain it. I never stopped loving him, Tom. How could I?”

“You’re right, I checked the hospital database. John is not listed as a patient, but he was coming to you for regular appointments,” he said. “You’ve got to know how that looks. If Chelsea were questioned…”

“I made sure that Chelsea knew it was unofficial, Tom. She knew that. He was making appointments, but unofficially,” she told him shakily. “Tom…I can’t lose my job over this. It’s John. It’s John…you know what we’ve been through together.”

Tom was silent for a moment, before he said quietly, “Marlena…I don’t want you to lose your license. Not over something that most outsiders wouldn’t understand, but if you have any files, or records…”

She watched him, as his voice trailed off, and he looked away, refusing to say what he was thinking. Marlena finished for him, “…I should get rid of them.”

“That would probably be best,” he said, glancing back up at her. “I plan to let this go, Marlena, because I am certain that this was the result of a specific set of circumstances. Circumstances that no one should ever be faced with, but you can’t continue to see him in your office.”

“I would never compromise myself this way. You know that, Tom. I won’t see John in my office anymore. I’m—I’m divorcing Roman,” she said. “I’ve told him today. He’s angry. Very angry.”

“If he pushes this, as a way to get back at you…well, you need to make sure—”

“—don’t say it. I know,” she replied, standing up from her chair, and wiping her palms along the sides of her skirt. “Thank you, Tom. Thank you for being such a good friend.”

“Alice and I love you, as if you were our own daughter,” Tom told her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena showed up at John’s door with a small box in her arms. When he opened the door, and saw her standing there, a huge smile spread across his face. It was his day off, but he wasn’t expecting to see her on a Thursday afternoon, “Hey, Doc!”

“Sorry to show up unexpectedly,” she said, stepping inside. “I had a meeting with Tom today.”

John watched her for a moment, and said softly, “What happened?”

Her reply was simple, “Roman.”

“I figured it was him, or Isabella,” John said, taking the box from her arms. Gesturing towards the box, he asked, “What’s all this?”

“A file I kept on you, and the notes I took, as well as the recordings of your sessions. You weren’t officially a patient, but Tom suggested that if certain items existed…they should go away. I wasn’t sure what to do with them,” she said softly. “They’re yours. I didn’t want to throw them away. The file…I started the file when I first started hypnosis with you, before Stockholm.”

John pulled the file from the box, and opened it, briefly glancing over it. “I have a safe, in the bedroom,” he said. “Come on.”

Marlena followed him into his bedroom, and took a deep breath. It smelled so much like him. She’d slept horribly the night before, and her day had been the epitome of stress. She could imagine sinking into his sheets, and breathing deeply of his scent. Curling into him, and sleeping for hours. The night before had been so lonely. Two nights with John, and she was missing him more than she ever had.

John went into his closet, and Marlena watched as he took the items from the box, and placed them inside, locking it when he was finished. Standing up, he touched her face gently, pushing a stand of hair back from her cheek, saying, “How was your talk with Roman…really. I know you called, and told me everything was fine, but Doc, you…you don’t look fine.”

“I missed you last night,” she said softly. “I didn’t sleep well.”

John noticed she seemed to be lagging, and overwhelmed, “Do you have to go back to work after this?”

“I don’t, but Eric and Sami finish school in a couple hours.”

John kissed her gently on the lips, and began unbuttoning her jacket, “Take a nap with me.”

“John,” she sighed, as he spread her jacket open to reveal satin lace edged fabric. Her nipples tightened as his eyes and the cool air glanced over them. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

His hands traced over her collarbone. “I won’t do anything but snuggle,” he whispered, kissing her again.

“I’m not worried about you,” she moaned, allowing her head to roll to the side, as John kissed her skin. “I’m worried about me. Maybe, I don’t want to nap.”

Placing her jacket neatly over the footboard on the bed, he reached for the button on the back of her skirt, “I won’t let you seduce me, baby. Nap only.”

Marlena stepped out of her skirt, and watched John place it over her jacket. Standing in front of him in a white satin teddy, she shivered. His eyes roamed over her, watching her as she stepped out of her shoes with a yawn. She said softly, “I am tired.”

“Just climb into the sheets, and let me hold you, Doc.”

Marlena watched him pull his t-shirt over his head, and toss it carelessly to the floor. His jeans soon followed with the same treatment. When John’s body slid in next to her, she could imagine all of the glorious things he could do to her body, but those thoughts warred with her desire for rest. Staring up at him with wide hazel eyes, she whispered, “I love you.”

“I’ll set the alarm for an hour, and a half,” he said, reaching for the clock. Turning to face her, he pulled her into his arms, and moaned softly when her hand slid up his chest to rest at his neck. Nuzzling into her hair, he said, “I slept horribly last night too, baby. It’s odd that two nights with you, and my mind can’t seem to sleep without you.”

John’s arm wrapped around her waist pulling her flush with his body, and her thigh slipped over his, while she sighed, “I want to sleep like this forever.”

“We’re going to, baby. Just a little bit longer,” he said. “Go to sleep, Doc.”

John’s thigh moved higher, and Marlena moaned as her pussy started to throb. Unable to stop herself, she rubbed herself against him. John’s arm tightened, and he groaned softly. She did it again, feeling the rough hair of his leg rubbing along the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. John’s cock started to lengthen against her hip, and he groaned again.

“Marlena,” he said roughly. “We’re supposed to nap.”

“Please,” she whispered, her breath brushing over his ear. “We could do both…”

Pushing her onto her back, he ran his palm up her leg, and said, “I was trying to do something nice for you.”

“Oh!” she sighed, when his hand reached her center, squeezing her gently. “Oh! This is nice…”

Slipping the loose fabric of her teddy to the side, John whispered, “Fucking hell, Doc…no panties?”

“They’re a hindrance,” she panted, pulling his mouth to hers, and kissing him.

John’s mouth opened, and his tongue swept alongside hers, tasting coffee, and a flavor that was simply her. His finger slid along her crease, feeling the wetness there, and he said, “Who the fuck needs sleep, baby…”

“I don’t. I don’t. I just need you,” she said. “Make love to me…please…” John pushed his boxers off, and slid them down over his legs, and he started to slide the strap off of Marlena’s shoulder, but she said, “No! John, please don’t make me wait!”

Her intensity and her desperation drove him forward. Pushing her thighs apart, and pulling the laced edged satin to the side, John buried himself in her heat, crying out, “Fuck!”

Marlena nearly cried in relief, wrapping her arms around his neck, and panting harshly, she pulled his mouth to her, and nearly devoured him. Biting at his lips, and sucking on his tongue. “I can’t get enough of you,” she said with passion. “I can’t explain it…”

“I feel complete with you,” he said. “I feel so fucking complete buried deep inside you.”

As John’s hips started moving, Marlena sighed, “I love you.”

“I love you, too…so much.” His hips started moving, slowly, deeply, but it wasn’t long before he was driving into her, and he whispered darkly in her ear, “Let’s see if I can make you see stars again.”

Marlena threw her head back and cried out, “Oh, G-d!”

Chapter 21

Right after Marlena left John’s apartment to pick the twins up from school, Shane called. The telephone call lasted less than an hour, but it left John stunned. The ISA had confirmed that what Marcus had removed from John’s neck, was a microchip. A very sophisticated microchip, that had the memories of several different individuals on it. 

Shane was convinced that John would eventually recall all of his early memories, and that the chip he’d had wired into his nervous system had been suppressing them. John was able to confirm that he was beginning to recall events from his earlier life, without the use of hypnosis, but he’d yet to speak with Marlena about it. With the information from Shane, and the fact that the microchip was still being studied by code breakers working for the ISA, because some of it was encrypted, a conversation with Marlena was going to need to happen sooner, rather than later.

Marlena was at home, just cleaning up after dinner, when the telephone rang, “Hello?”

“Hey, Doc,” John said softly.

Marlena smiled, as she cradled the receiver against her shoulder, and continued washing dishes, “John…”

“Shane called me this afternoon to give me an update on the microchip Marcus removed from me.”

“So it was a computer chip?”

“It was, although they’re still working on trying to get through the encrypted portions,” he said. “I was hoping maybe you could give me a call after the twins go to sleep? We can talk about it.”

“I can do that,” she said quietly, still smiling to herself. “It’ll be a couple hours. I have to make sure they take baths, and do their homework.”

“Don’t rush,” he said. “I’ll be home all night… I love you, Doc.”

Her heart soared, and she smiled again, “I love you.”

John hung up the phone with a grin, thinking about their time together earlier. He missed her already, and he knew that until they had their situation worked out, he would continue to miss her.

Marlena stared at the phone after she hung up, and then impulsively picked it up, dialing John back. When he answered, she said, “Can you come over? I’ll have the twins in bed by 8:30, and I miss you—”

“—I’ll be there,” he said quickly. “I’ll be there.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Marlena answered the door, John stepped inside, and closed the door behind himself. Wrapping his arms around her hips, he pushed her gently into the corner by the closet, and held her face in his hands, staring into her eyes for a moment.

Marlena stared up at him with wide eyes, breathing erratically, and she whispered, “Kiss me.”

With a smirk of satisfaction, John’s lips took hers with a groan of need. He licked at her mouth, his tongue softly stroking over her soft, pillowy lips. He bit at the corner of her mouth, and said, “I swear, I missed you so much, baby. How is that even possible?”

Marlena smiled, touching his face gently with her fingertips, and said, “I missed you, too.”

John rested his forehead on hers, and allowed his fingers to slide under the hem of her sweatshirt. When he felt the warm skin along her lower back, he growled, low in his throat, “I swear I came to talk to you…but you are such a temptation.”

“I think being in love with my best friend is…it’s the most amazing feeling.”

“That’s a fact,” he said, softly kissing her mouth once more, before stepping back, and lacing his fingers through hers. Pulling her towards the couch he said, “We need to talk about that chip Marcus dug out of my head.” John kicked his shoes off next to the couch, and sat down with his back against the arm rest and one leg up on the cushion, “C’mere, Doc.”

Marlena settled in the vee of his legs, leaning back against his chest with a sigh, “When did Shane call?”

“Right after you left to pick up the twinners,” he said quietly. “We were on the phone for nearly an hour. Some of it, the ISA has worked out, but there’s a significant portion that’s encrypted.”

“Did Shane have a guess as to what it might contain?”

“He says they’re still working on it, but there was some interesting information,” John told her. His arms were wrapped around her tightly, and he nuzzled into her soft hair breathing deeply. 

Marlena nearly vibrated with happiness at having him so close, “Mhmmm…”

“The ISA said that the technology they accessed on that microchip is years ahead of work they are currently doing.”

“I don’t understand…what are they doing?”

“Mind mapping…mapping and logging the memories of a person, and placing them in someone else,” John said slowly.

“Is that even possible?”

John was quiet for a moment, “According to Shane, that’s why I thought I was Roman. His memories are on that chip, Doc. His memories, and—and some other people that they haven’t identified yet. The encrypted part…Shane didn’t say it, but I think—I think that—”

He’d stopped talking and Marlena tipped her face up to his, and whispered, “John?”

“I’ve been remembering things,” he said quietly. “Training…martial arts, military training, firing ranges, and…methods for torture. Doc, before Marcus took that thing out of my neck, I didn’t consciously remember any of that. Now, I’m getting flashes of things during the day, and I’m remembering my dreams.”

“Are you using the notebook?”

“I am,” he said. “I’ve been writing everything down, and Shane’s planning to come to Salem as soon as the people at the ISA figure out the encryption on the chip. In the meantime he wants me to keep logging every bit of new information.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea,” she said, running her fingers over his arm lightly. “It’s going to help you put the pieces together, and I want that for you, so badly. I want you to finally have the answers you seek.”

“Doc, even if I don’t get answers, even if the pieces never fall into place, I would be complete with you,” he said softly against her ear. 

Tipping her face up to his, she whispered, “We’re going to get the answers, John. I can feel it, and I love you so much, I won’t rest until you know. I want that for you. I want that as much as you.”

“Have I told you lately what an amazing woman you are?”

“You have, but you can always tell me again,” she told him with a smirk.

“You’re fucking amazing. You’re beautiful. You’re kind. You’re the smartest person I know. You’re an amazing mother,” he said, kissing her face with every statement. He pulled back looking at her, and he said barely above a whisper, “You make me feel so loved…you make my body sing…”

Marlena laughed gently, “I make your body sing?”

John growled in her ear, “You make my body fucking sing, baby.” Marlena could feel the growing evidence of his desire for her, and she scooted her butt back against his crotch, making him groan aloud. “The twinners are upstairs…and they don’t know about us yet. Are you trying to torture me?”

“Maybe,” she whispered. “I know we can’t make love. I know that, but can you—can you kiss me again?”

“Oh, Doc, you never have to ask me for that. I’ll do it willingly. Every. Single. Time,” he said against her mouth. Marlena shifted her body to kiss him, and John reached around her waist with one arm, pulling her body up the length of his, so that she sat on his thigh, and he kissed her. His lips played over hers, and his tongue traced over hers softly, causing her to pant, and wiggle against him. Slowly he allowed his fingers to trace over the waistband of her terrycloth joggers, and said, “I can do something else for you before I leave tonight.”

Her breathing picked up, and she stared into his eyes, and breathed, “What?” 

Sliding his hand into the front of her pants, he groaned, “Are you not wearing panties? G-d, Doc, you drive me fucking mad…”

Her breathing was erratic in his ear, and she replied, “I…I…they’re so restrictive sometimes…”

“I think you want to drive me mad,” he said, squeezing her mound roughly. “I think you knew I was coming over, and you wanted to feel a little dirty.”

“Oh!” she cried softly, trying to stay quiet so she didn’t wake the twins.

John ran his middle finger lightly up her slit, barely breaking the barrier between her folds, and lightly bumping her clit. Her hips bucked, and he whispered, “I’m going to make you come before I go home tonight, Doc. I’m going to smear your scent all over my fingers, and when I get home…I’m going to make myself come, while I smell your scent on me.”

Marlena’s head fell sideways onto his shoulder, and her hips bucked in search of more friction. Lacing her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, she whispered, “Your fingers…G-d, John, you make me feel so good.”

“If I could, I’d make you scream my fucking name,” he told her biting at her ear lobe, and licking behind it. Without removing his hand from her pants, he rolled her so that her back settled on his chest again. Using three fingers, he began to rub over her clit softly, whispering, “Spread those thighs for me, Marlena.”

She couldn’t breath properly, she could barely think straight, but her legs fell open, and his fingers continued their assault on her clit. Marlena breathed out, “Harder…oh! Harder…”

John smiled against the hair of her head, and told her, “This is going to be a fast one isn’t it?”

“Yes! Yes!” Her face rolled to the side, and she panted against his neck, “You make me feel so good…you make me feel—”

“—I make you feel fucking good, baby. G-d, watching you like this…I want to watch you come apart under my fingers,” he told her. Barely above a whisper he said, “Can you do that for me? Come for me, baby. Come for me.”

His words triggered a response in her that was purely physical, and Marlena’s entire body tensed, as her orgasm rolled over her. Her back arched, and she cried softly, “Oh, G-d! John…Oh, G-d!”

“That’s right, Doc…shhhh…” he cooed in her ear, as she trembled and shook in his arms. “I’ve got you…”

Chapter 22

Marlena stood next to John later the following morning in front of the Alamain mansion. They hadn’t rang the doorbell yet. Reaching for his hand, she asked him quietly, “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

John sighed, “I am. Now that I’ve talked to Shane…having you here with me now, I’m ready.”

“Are you prepared if he reacts poorly?”
“I expect him to react poorly,” John said wryly. 

“He might not,” she said softly, gazing up at him. “I’m sure he’s going to be shocked, but maybe…”

John smiled, touching her chin affectionately, and then rang the doorbell. Ivan answered the door, and when he realized who was standing there, he had a brief look of surprise before he schooled his features. John said, “I needed to speak with Larry.”

“Lawrence is not home currently, but he should be momentarily, if you’d like to wait,” Ivan said.

“Ivan!” Vivian called. “Who’s at the door?”

“John Black and Marlena Evans,” he said, turning to face Vivian as she came to the door.

“Whatever for?” she said carelessly.

John sighed, “I’d like to speak with Lawrence.”

Vivian looked him over, “I don’t know why. The two of you can’t stand each other.”

“I have something to talk to him about. It’s important, and I’ve put it off for too long,” John said. Glancing at Ivan, he said, “I’ll wait.”

Ivan moved aside, allowing John and Marlena to enter, while Vivian looked them over. She followed them into the living room, saying, “I can’t imagine what would be so important that you need to speak with Lawrence about it. Aren’t you a dock worker?”

“It’s personal Vivian,” John said shortly. “I can discuss it with Larry.”

“Oh…well, since you’re here, I guess to be a pleasant host, I should offer you a drink, and some polite conversation,” Vivian said reluctantly, walking towards the drink cart.

John smirked at Marlena, saying, “That’s not necessary. I’ll just speak with Larry, and we’ll be on our way.”

“I’ll just have a bit of brandy then,” she said.

The front door opened, and they all heard Lawrence call, “Aunt Viv! I need to speak with you now!”

“We’re in here, darling!” she called, tipping her brandy glass to her lips and swallowing a large amount.

Lawrence stormed into the living room, stopping short when he saw John and Marlena there, “What the hell are you doing here?”

John didn’t have time to fight with Lawrence about his motives for being there. He leaned forward, from his place on the couch, and said, “I’m here to talk to you, Larry.” Lawrence stared at him incredulously, until John pulled a locket on a gold chain from his pocket. Dangling it from his hand, he asked Lawrence softly, “Do you recognize this?”

Lawrence reached for it, as if he planned to snatch it from John’s hand, but John pulled it back. “Where did you get that locket?” Lawrence asked him.

“I got it from my mother,” John said slowly, watching Lawrence’s face for a reaction. He saw Lawrence visibly pall, and swallow thickly.

“There are only two of those lockets, and I have one…the other one is buried with my brother,” Lawrence said. “My brother is dead. I was there when he died. I was eight. Now where did you get the locket?”

“You were eight…your brother was six,” John said quietly. “You’d been racing around the pool on your bikes, and his front wheel slipped. He fell into the pool, and he started to drown.”

“He did drown!” Lawrence said, standing up from his seat. His chest was tight, and he was confused. “My brother drowned! My mother said…” Lawrence looked at Vivian, who quickly stood up, and went back to refill her brandy.

John saw how agitated Lawrence was, and said, “The last thing I remember, is staring up through the water to see my brother reaching for me.”

Lawrence felt dizzy, and he became choked up, “How do you know that? How could you know that?” Looking at his aunt, he said almost helplessly, “Vivian…Forrest died…he died…” But the look on her face made him wonder.

“We can do a DNA test if you’d like to,” John told him. “Marlena said we probably should, and I’m still trying to put the pieces together myself. I don’t know why, but my mother took me to New York. She gave me a new name, and she left me at a Catholic School. I never saw her again.”

“No—No!” Lawrence said, feeling himself get lightheaded. Something was wrong with this story, because Forrest was supposed to be dead. Glancing at his aunt, who had been noticeably silent, Lawrence said, “What are you not telling me?”

Vivian sighed, “I really think we should get a DNA test before we even proceed with this enticing conversation, Lawrence. This is obviously a ploy to get his hands on the Alamain money.”

John looked at Vivian, “This is not about money! This is about trying to find out who I am!”

Lawrence looked at John for a long time, and said to Vivian, “No. No…no one knows how Forrest died.”

“Forrest drowning is common knowledge, Lawrence.”

“But not how he drowned. Not the part about me reaching for him in the water…”

Vivian gave up, slouching onto the couch, with her brandy sloshing over the side of her cup, “What do you want to know?”

“What do you know?” John asked her suspiciously, sitting back down on the couch.

“You’re mother was whore, Lawrence, you know that!” Vivian sighed.

“I don’t know that! I do know that my father was an asshole! He treated her horribly! Did she have lovers? Yes, but I have always understood why. She was trapped in a loveless marriage at the age of eighteen…but she wasn’t a whore, Vivian!”

“Fine. You’re mother had companions…my brother found out that Forrest wasn’t his child,” Vivian said. “He was angry. You know that what he was like, when he was angry. He would make threats…none of which he would ever follow through on, but in his anger, he mentioned Forrest possibly having a riding accident. He said maybe then he wouldn’t be forced to raise another man’s child.”

Lawrence began pacing the room, “My father threatened Forrest’s life?”

Vivian scoffed, “He was simply angry. He never would have hurt the child!”

Marlena had been watching the byplay in the conversation, and said quietly, “How did this impact John? I’m not trying to be rude, but Lawrence believed his brother dead. How did John end up in New York?”

Vivian sighed, “I didn’t find out until years later, that Philomena had ferried Forrest away to New York, and hidden him in a Catholic school. The boy was raised by priests. I wasn’t surprised to find out he’d decided to be a priest.”

“I was never ordained,” John said. “Stefano took me before I was ordained.”

Vivian was silent for a moment, “Philomena died when Lawrence was fifteen. I knew where Forrest was, after going through her records, but I left everything as it was. Forrest seemed to be thriving, and my brother…my brother would not have wanted the boy back. It would have been unkind to bring him back into such hostility. So I left him where he was. He seemed content. I checked with the priests periodically…until he disappeared. I called one day and he was gone. He’d disappeared in the night, and was never seen again.”

Lawrence stared at Vivian as if he had never known her, “Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”

“What good would it have done?”

“I blamed myself!” he roared. “I’ve spent my life blaming myself for the death of my brother, and he wasn’t dead!” Looking over at John, Lawrence wondered if John Black really could be his brother. A DNA test would be the only way to know for sure. To John, he said, “I think you’re right, we need a DNA test.”

Marlena sighed, “I think that would be best.”

Lawrence looked back towards Vivian, and said quietly, “If John is Forrest, he gets half of my mothers estate.”

John immediately said, “I’m not here for money.”

“If you’re my brother…half of my mother’s estate rightfully belongs to you.”

John stood up, and nodded his head quickly, acknowledging what Lawrence said. Turning to Marlena, he held out his hand, helping her rise. Vivian watched them with interest, noting the affection they seemed to hold for each other, and the way their fingers laced together. If John Black was Forrest, he was rightfully entitled to half of Philomena’s estate. As long as it didn’t impact Vivian’s financials, she didn’t much care.

Lawrence stood in the foyer for several long moments after John and Marlena had left his home. His mind was a whirling mass of confusion. Something inside him, something strong, knew the truth of what John told him. Lawrence had spent years having nightmares and flashbacks of watching his brother scream, and flail in the water, as he sank to the bottom of the family pool. As much as Lawrence had disliked John Black, finding out that he could be his brother, was a relief, as it eased a sorrow he had lived with for nearly his whole life.

John sat outside in the car, and stared at the steering wheel. Marlena touched his arm softly, “Are you okay?”

“That went better than I expected,” he said quietly. “I expected more resistance.”

“I sensed that Lawrence has a lot of trauma surrounding his brothers death. Finding out that he’d lived…finding out that it could be you, it was as if a weight was lifted from him,” she said.

“I felt that, too. I’m slowly getting my memories back, and Lawrence and I, from what I recall, we were quite close,” John told her. He held her hand in his, and watched his thumb stroke over her palm. 

“He’s agreed to a DNA test. That’s good, because he could be your half brother. He could be family,” she said softly.

“Based on what Vivian said, I might never know who my father was…and I’m—I’m okay with that, Doc, because I feel good about today.”

Smiling up at him, she said, “I feel good about it, too. Are you okay…finding out you’re an Alamain?”

“I am,” he said, kissing her softly. “Being an Alamain doesn’t bother me. What brings me more peace is the fact that the pieces are coming together, and even if I can’t remember my past…just knowing what happened to me will be enough.”

“I think you’re going to remember, John.”

“I hope so…as long as I’ve got you, I’ll take the rest as it comes.”

Marlena glanced at the clock on the dashboard of John’s car, and said softly, “I have a meeting with Mickey.”

“Did you want to go alone?”

Marlena smiled at him, saying, “I should, but maybe afterwards…”

John got excited, “You took the whole day off?”

“I did,” she told him. “So after I meet with Mickey, I could come by your apartment. I don’t have to pick the twins up until later.”

“Did you forget, Doc? It’s Pizza Friday,” John started the car, and pulled out of Lawrence’s driveway. “Come by after you meet with Mickey, and then later we can pick up Eric and Sami together.”

Smiling at John as if he were the sun and the moon in her sky, Marlena said, “I’d like that.”

Chapter 23

Mickey stared at Marlena across his desk, and he said, “You’re asking for primary custody?”

“I am,” she replied slowly, and remembering the times Roman had grabbed her, the time he’d hit her, the other evening at the house when he been so angry. She thought about the incident with the syrup, when he cursed at Sami in a rage, and she said softly, “Roman’s going through some things right now, and until he gets it under control, I think it’s best that I have sole custody.”

Mickey could see the fading bruises along her cheek, “What about visitation?”

“For right now,” she said, “it should be supervised.” She saw Mickey’s eyes taking stock of the bruising along the side of her face. He knew what Roman had done to her, even if she didn’t explicitly say it. 

Mickey was quiet for a moment, and then asked her, “Are you sure you only want to cite irreconcilable differences as the cause for divorce?”

She said quietly, “Yes. I—I can’t ruin his career, Mickey. I know, I sound like every cliche of a battered wife, but he only hit me once. It was a heated moment, and he knows that if he touches me again, I will be filing charges. I was very clear in that the last time I saw him.”

Mickey nodded his head in acknowledgement, “I’ll get the papers drawn up this afternoon, and delivered to Roman by the end of business on Monday. Is he staying at the fish market?”

“Yes,” Marlena said softly, gathering her things. “I really appreciate you handling this for me, Mickey. I wanted it handled quickly, and discreetly. My first thought was you.”

“Marlena, I consider you a friend. I know this last year has been difficult on you, and your family. It’s been hard on John, too.”

“It has,” was her only response. Marlena wasn’t sure what Mickey might know in relation to Roman’s recent actions, or even Isabella’s. Salem wasn’t a large town, and word traveled quickly among its citizens. Chances were that Mickey already knew everything, and Marlena was grateful that he was too polite to ask. As she stood to leave, she smiled at him, and said, “Thank you for getting this done so quickly.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied, walking her to the door with a sense of sadness. He knew from his mother what Roman had done to Marlena, as well as knowing about Roman’s infidelity. His mother had told him last night, when he’d mentioned his upcoming meeting with Marlena, and because of the rumor mill that existed in Salem, he’d also heard about what had happened with Isabella’s baby. Both John and Marlena had been through so much since Marlena’s return nearly a year ago. Sitting back down at his desk, Mickey sighed deeply, and began to draft out Marlena and Roman’s divorce papers.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“I don’t know where she went, Roman!” Bo said loudly. They were in their parents kitchen, almost at a stand-off as Roman demanded to know where Billie had gone. “She’s been acting odd, ever since she found out she was pregnant. Last night, she was crying. She kept saying things that didn’t make sense. Something about the world not being safe, and refusing to allow her child to grow up this way.”

Roman stared at Bo, “Do you think she’s getting an abortion?”

“No,” Bo said definitively. “I don’t think she’s doing that, but I don’t know where she is either. Honestly, I’m still angry with both of you. You sleeping with Billie…one of you should have told me that happened.”

“I didn’t realize she’d be pregnant, Bo. I thought it was a mistake, and you’d be better off not know. I thought Doc would be better off not knowing. Now, Marlena knows, and she’s divorcing me…”

“Roman…when are you going to talk about it?”

“I am talking about it!”

“No, you know what I mean. You hit her. Ma told me and Pop. You hit her so hard her face was covered in bruises. Pop didn’t raise us to lay our hands on women when we’re angry, Roman.”

“I was trying to get her to understand, and she kept saying it wasn’t working…our marriage was working. I wanted it to work, but she wouldn’t let me touch her. She wouldn’t let me kiss her, and every fucking night she’s dreaming of John!” Roman said in rising frustration. “Every fucking night, it’s either nightmares, or her calling out for John. Bo! It would drive any man to madness if they had to listen to their wife call out in their sleep for another man! She wouldn’t listen to reason, Bo. I got angry. I don’t know what happened…I hit her. I was so angry, and even as she stared at me from the floor, I had the strongest impulse to hit her again. I walked out instead.”

“But, you did hit her, Roman. If what Ma said is true…you punched her in the face!” Bo exclaimed.

“I tried to tell her, I was sorry,” Roman told him. “I tried to get her to understand, I didn’t mean to do it…it doesn’t matter anyway. She’s divorcing me. Ma said, Doc had a meeting with Mickey Horton sometime today, and I was going to try, and talk to her last night…but fucking John Black was there.”

“He was?”

“Of course, he was. Now that Isabella’s fucked him over, and Doc thinks we’re done…he just swooped right in,” Roman said with venom. “It’s like he was waiting for the moment.”

“Maybe, they were waiting for this moment. Not deliberately, mind you…but, Roman, I can attest to their feelings for each other. You can argue all you’d like that Marlena only cared for John, because she thought he was you, but that’s simply not true. I saw them together,” Bo told him. “I was tracking them through the woods in West Virginia, intent on killing the man I believed to be Stefano DiMera. I saw them together…near the river, and that was before we believed he was Roman Brady.”

“You saw them together?”

“I was lining him up, in the scope of my rifle, but Marlena was in the way,” Bo said.

“What were they doing?”

Bo sighed, “I don’t think you want details.”

“Tell me what the fuck they were doing! She thought he might be Stefano, you obviously thought he was Stefano…what were they doing?”

“Kissing, some heavy petting, I guess you could say,” Bo replied. He remembered watching Marlena with John through the scope of his rifle. The look of adoration on her face, as she touched his cheek softly. The look of awe on John’s face, as if he couldn’t understand how she could choose to be with him, when they thought the worst. “I had a shot at one point, but Hope knocked the rifle to the side, and the shot went wide. Look, I’m not trying to hurt you, but it was obvious even then…she loved him. She was convinced he could be Stefano, but she stuck with him in those woods for days. She didn’t have to do that, but she loved him. Not because he was you, but because he was himself,” Bo looked at his brother, willing him to understand. “The fact is, big brother, you can’t discredit the love she had for him, the love she probably still has for him. You can’t blame her for what she dreams. She can’t control that, but you can blame yourself for cheating on her, and getting Billie pregnant. You can blame yourself for hitting your wife. Stop blaming her, and take responsibility, Roman!”

Roman allowed his body to fall into the couch. He slouched sullenly, and said, “I never thought you’d be the one lecturing me about responsibility.”

“You came back to Salem with this idea of your family built up in your mind. You’ve got to let that go,” Bo told him. “You were gone for seven years! You can’t be surprised that she’d moved on.”

“She didn’t fucking move on though, did she? She thought she was with me!”

“She thought John was you, but she loved him for who he was. He wasn’t you, Roman. He did act like you at all, but we all just thought that, because of the amnesia, he would be different than you.”

“Different how?”

“He’s not as hot headed, not as quick to form opinions, or tell people what to do.”

“So, you’re saying, I’m angry, bossy, and opinionated?”

Bo smiled, falling to the couch next to Roman, “Yeah. That’s what I’m saying. You’ve got to find a way to work through this, and when Marlena and John make their way back together, you’re going to have to find a way to accept that. For her, and for the twins.”

“I don’t want him playing Daddy to my kids,” Roman said pointedly.

“He already did. He was their Daddy,” Bo said softly. “They love him. They’re great kids, because of him.”

Roman was silent for a long while, marinating in his own frustration and annoyance. He knew that Marlena and John would find their way back together. Seeing John’s car parked in front of the house the night before had confirmed that. She was meeting with Mickey today, so it was only a matter of time before he received the divorce papers. Roman sighed, reluctantly accepting that John was destined to be back in the twins lives. He wasn’t sure he could handle that. He wasn’t sure he could watch Marlena live a happy life with John Black, while the man was step father to his children. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John answered the door to his apartment, and was both shocked and elated to see Carrie standing there, looking at him nervously. “Carrie! Punkin! Oh, my G-d, baby!” he exclaimed reaching for her hand, and pulling her inside. “Does Marlena or Roman know you’re home?”

“No,” she said quietly. “I came to see you first. My mom told me…she told me you’re not my real father.”

“Carrie, honey, I will always be your father,” he said, tipping his head down, and looking into her eyes. “Biologically, the ISA has determined that I’m not, but in my heart, you’ll always be my daughter. Please, please, know that. I love you.”

“When mom first told me…I was so angry. I thought you’d lied to me,” she said.

“I really thought I was. So much has happened. There’s so much you need to know,” John told her walking her over to the couch. “So much…just, please, give me the time to explain it all.”

Carrie felt hot tears making their way from her eyes, and she whispered, “Okay.”

“Come here,” John said, pulling her into his arms. He felt his own tears welling up, and he said in a choked voice, “I missed you so much, Punkin.”

Carrie wrapped her arms around John, sobbing fully, and cried, “I missed you too, Dad! I just—I don’t understand! You’re my dad. You have to be my dad! I barely remember the other one. I was so young.”

“Carrie,” John said. “I’m not leaving your life. I will always be in your life.”

“How can you be?” she cried. “Marlena’s with him…you’re here.”

“Listen, would you like something to drink? Marlena should be here in a little bit, and we can talk through this. You’re eighteen now, and you remember what I said?”

“When I’m an adult, you’ll treat me like an adult?”

“That’s right, Punkin. When Doc gets here, we’re going to have an adult conversation. Are you okay with that?”

“I am…why is Marlena coming here?” Carrie asked him.

John replied, “Do you want some tea?”

She replied, “Dad, what’s going on?”

Chapter 24

They’d decided to do Pizza Friday at Marlena’s house. It allowed Carrie to settle into her old bedroom, and it would be easier to put the twins to bed when the movie ended. Having John there, to do their bedtime routine, made Eric and Sami happy, and it gave Marlena a warm glow watching them together.

Carrie was still reeling from her earlier conversation with them. Just as John promised her, he didn’t lie. They answered all of her questions, the good and the bad. Anna had broken the news to Carrie in such a careless manner, Marlena knew that the only way they could rebuild trust with her was to tell her the truth. Carrie wasn’t a child anymore. When the movie had ended, and it was time for Eric and Sami to go to bed, Carrie had announced that she was going to the fish market to see her grandparents, and meet Roman for the first time since she was six years old.

John followed Marlena into the kitchen, so he could help her clean up. Plates, and bowls, as well as utensils and cups were stacked up next to the sink, while Marlena ran hot sudsy water in the basin. Slipping his arms around her hips, John said softly, “You have a dishwasher.”

Marlena smiled, “I know, I do, but sometimes the simple act of washing dishes in a quiet kitchen at the end of the day…I don’t know, it relaxes me.”

“Well, let’s gets started then,” he told her, reaching for a nearby dish towel, and moving to stand beside her.

“How do you think Carrie is feeling about our conversation?” Marlena asked him, handing him a plate to dry. “She didn’t say much, and she was quiet all night.”

“Carrie’s alway been quiet when she’s dealing with things. I wouldn’t be too worried about it,” he said quietly. “I didn’t realize that Roman hadn’t reached out to her.”

“Neither did I…I guess, I just assumed he had. I feel awful about it, John. I should have asked him if he had. I should have contacted her myself,” Marlena said, handing John another plate.

Facing her, John laid the towel to the side, “Hey, hey, hey…Doc, don’t blame yourself for this. When you came home, I called Carrie, and told her within a couple days, remember? I had you speak with her on the phone. When we found Roman in San Cristobal, I didn’t call her, because I still thought I was Roman, and when we learned that I wasn’t…I felt like it was no longer my place. The fact is, Roman is the one who should have called her, and he didn’t. She heard the news from Anna, and we both know that Anna isn’t the best when it comes to delivering delicate news.”

Marlena sighed, and handed John a bowl to dry, “You’re right. I know you’re right. I just worry. I worry about her, and I’ve been so caught up in myself…I feel guilty.”

“There’s been so much going on here,” John said. “I think after talking to her, Carrie understands that.”

Marlena placed the dirty cups into the sink, and said with a small smile, “She’s grown into such an amazing young woman. You didn’t an incredible job raising her.”

“She was my side-kick. She’ll always be my daughter, no matter what. Just like I’ll always consider Sami and Eric to be mine,” John said.

“Don’t you start coaching Eric’s tee ball team next week?”

“I do,” John said with a grin.

“He’s been talking about it for days. He’s so excited, John. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him light up like that.”

“I’m glad. I’ll admit, I’m pretty excited, too. Does Roman know?”

“I haven’t spoken to Roman since the other day, and that didn’t end well. He hasn’t spoken with the twins, so he probably doesn’t.”

John took the glass that Marlena handed him, and started drying it carefully, “How did your meeting with Mickey go today?”

“I told him I wanted sole custody, and supervised visitation,” she said softly.

John was momentarily surprised. He hadn’t realized that she was going to do that, “Doc?”

“He’s too unpredictable right now, John. Not just with me, but with the twins. I think, I… actually, I think everyone in Roman’s life, we were too quick to think that seven years with Stefano wouldn’t change him. We don’t know what he went through, and he won’t talk about it,” Marlena said. She pulled the stopper from the sink, staring as the water drained. Marlena looked up at John, sadness in her eyes, “I want him to get help…find a professional to work with. When he does that, maybe we can look at sharing custody, or unsupervised visitation. As it stands, Eric doesn’t trust him, and Sami is afraid of him.”

“I think that’s a fair assessment,” he replied. “I’m remembering my time with Stefano. In my case, I was being trained to be a mercenary. I remember how prisoners were treated, Doc. Roman wouldn’t want to talk about that. No one comes out of that unscathed. They don’t.”

“It breaks my heart. I did love him. When we’d thought Roman died, my heart was broken. Then I met you,” she said, reaching for his face to softly run her fingers along his jaw. “I met you, and I fell in love with you.”

John was quiet for a moment, and finally said, “You loved me because I was Roman, at least at first. I don’t believe that’s true now, but at first—”

“—John, no. I loved you when—I loved you when you were John Black. I loved you when I thought you might be Stefano, and it tore at my soul, but still I loved you! Finding out you were Roman? It was relief, because it gave me permission to love you, but it didn’t make me love you. It couldn’t, because I already did. I already loved you!”

“I thought—”

She stared up, into his deep blue, eyes, and she repeated softly, “I already loved you.”

John stepped closer, pressing her body back against the kitchen counter, and boxing her in with his arms. Leaning towards her, he nuzzled her hair, breathing deeply, and he whispered, “You already loved me?”

Her breath hitched in her chest, and she murmured, “I really did.”

“I think I fell in love with you the first time I laid eyes on you,” John said.

“In Shenanigan’s?”

“In the hospital,” he said quietly.

Marlena was surprised, “I saw you in the hospital?”

“I was dirty, my bandages needed changed, and you came in. You asked me to allow someone to change my bandages,” John said, running his nose along her jawline.

Marlena gasped lightly, “I didn’t know that was you. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I’m not sure I remembered, until recently,” he whispered, against her ear.

Marlena pictured him, alone, cold, with his head wrapped in filthy bandages, “I remember. You left. You disappeared.”

“Victor was looking for me. I was afraid, but your face, Doc. It was the face of an angel, and the next time I saw you, in Shenanigan’s, I swear, I was already half in love with you,” he groaned.

“You didn’t kiss me until West Virginia,” she said softly, inches from his lips.

“I wanted to, baby. I couldn’t get you off my mind, and I found excuses to talk to you.”

“You made me angry…you frustrated me,” she said, remembering his security measures at the hospital.

“You made me dream of you,” he rasped against the soft skin of her collarbone.

Marlena gasped softly at the feel of his tongue on her neck, “You dreamt of me?”

“I did. Filthy dreams, Doc.”

“Oh!” Marlena cried out lightly. His teeth nipped at her ear, and she sighed deeply. “John, the children are upstairs.”

“When I’m close to you, it’s so difficult to refrain from kissing you. To hold myself back from touching you.”

Marlena was reaching for John, pulling his mouth down to hers with a soft moan, “Maybe just a little kissing…”

John’s hips pushed against hers, and he groaned, “I fucking love kissing you, baby.”

Marlena’s tongue swept alongside John’s in a gentle motion. Her lips played over his, biting, and sucking at him. Pulling back from her mouth, John kissed along her neck, and licked behind her ear. Lifting one of his hands from the kitchen counter, John slid his fingers under the hem of her shirt, allowing them to play along the warm skin of her lower back.

Reaching for her face, and holding her with both hands, John whispered, “I love you.”

Marlena rested her forehead against his, and whispered back, “I love you, John.”

Sami had entered the kitchen moment’s before. She’s seen John kiss her mother, and it made her happy. She wanted John to be Daddy again. He loved her, and he made her feel safe. When she heard them say they loved each other, her little heart soared. Staring at them with wide-eyes, Sami said, “Mommy?”

Marlena nearly jumped out of her skin, she was so surprised, “Sami! I thought you were in bed.”

“I was wondering when Carrie was coming back?” Sami asked.

John left Marlena standing where she was, and he smiled, swooping Sami up into his arms, “She’ll be home later. Now what are you doing out of bed, Peanut?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said with a grin. Leaning closer to John’s ear she whispered, “I saw you kissing Mommy.”

John looked at Marlena, and then said softly, “You did, huh? You’re not supposed to be sneaking up on people in the kitchen, you know.”

Sami laughed, “I want you to kiss Mommy. I want you to be Daddy again.”

Marlena was watching them curiously, and John said to her, “Sami saw me kiss you.”

Marlena came over to where John held Sami, and said, “You weren’t supposed to see that Samantha. You were supposed to be in bed.”

“I want you to kiss him. I want him to be my Daddy again,” Sami said. “I want my Daddy back.”

John smiled, and shrugged, “I’ll tell you a secret, Sami. I like kissing your Mommy.”

“John!” Marlena said in shock.

“They’re going to find out soon enough, Doc. She saw us kissing. We can’t lie to her. My little Sami is too smart for that. Aren’t you, Peanut?”

“Daddy says, I’m the smartest girl he knows,” Sami said proudly.

“You are rather smart, aren’t you?” Marlena said with a smile. “John and I…we enjoy spending time together.”

“Is he gonna be your boyfriend?”

“My boyfriend? Hmmm…I think he is my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?” Sami squealed. “I’m gonna tell Eric you said that!”

John looks at Marlena, and says, “My girlfriend, huh?”

“Yeah,” she replied shyly. Looking towards Sami, she said, “Take yourself back up to bed. I love you.”

John placed Sami back down on the floor, and before the girl left the kitchen she said with a giggle, “You can kiss my Mommy again if you want to.”

“I have permission?” John asked Sami with a smile.

“Yeah! Goodnight!” Sami said with another giggle, and she sped from the kitchen.

John pushed Marlena against the wall, and whispered huskily, “Did you hear that, Doc? Samantha Gene says I can kiss you again, because you’re my girlfriend.”

“John! She saw us kissing!”

John kissed her softly on the lips, “Marlena, the twins are almost nine years old. She saw me kiss you. I’m not insulting her intelligence, by pretending I wasn’t, and I’m glad she saw us, because now…I have a girlfriend.”

Chapter 25

Dancing with Marlena was something John had missed. When they’d been married he would randomly dance with her, whenever the mood struck him. He’d pull her into his arms, and spin her around a room, humming to himself. Holding Marlena in his arms, swaying to the music, John whispered in her her ear, “Do you remember this song?”

Marlena’s mind conjured up a clear memory of her with John, naked in front of the fireplace. They’d already made love once, but then Marlena had slowly spread whipped cream over his mouth, and proceeded to lick it off, and nearly devour him. She’d licked whipped cream off of nearly every part him him that night. She couldn’t get enough of him. She’d felt like she needed to be as close to him as possible, and she remembered, they’d slept until noon the following day. Kissing his neck softly, Marlena whispered back, “I remember everything about that night.”

John tipped her face up to his, “You make me so happy, Doc.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy,” she murmured, tracing her fingertips over his shoulders, and threading them into his hair. “I want to spend every night, making you happy.”

“Oh, Doc,” he groaned, inhaling her perfume, and feeling his body respond to her. His hands couldn’t seem to stay still, roaming over the expanse of her hips, and slowly caressing her back. With Marlena, a simple touch, a whisper, a few words, were all John needed to feel his body react with near urgency to bury himself deep inside her. Sliding his arm low, around her hips, he pulls her closer. Marlena can feel the ridge of his length along her abdomen, and she whimpers with need. John groans again, “How does dancing with you do this to me?”

Planning for their date night to take a sexy turn, Marlena had managed to find time to shop the day before. Hiding underneath her dress was a dark teal, lace camisole with matching panties. It wasn’t cotton, but it had the look that drove John mad with want. Marlena remembered running her finger over the soft ruffle along the bottom of the camisole, and the tiny bow in the center of velvet edged Demi cups that barely contained her breasts.  Touching the soft velvet bow on the panties, and remembering John’s reaction at the cabin to a simple pair of innocent looking underwear, she’d made her decision. She had considered everything, even the cut of the panties – boy cut, lace briefs, that left little to the imagination. If tonight went the way she had planned, she wouldn’t be wearing the ensemble for long. She wanted to drive John to distraction. She wanted him to desire her so much, that he practically destroyed them in the process.

His fingers played with the button at the neckline of her dress, and he whispered, “I want to take this off of you so badly, Doc. I want to unwrap you like the sexiest damn gift, I’ve ever received.”

“You might be more right than you realize,” she murmured against his lips.

John pulled back, gazing down at her, “Fuck, Doc. What do you have on under this dress?”

She smiled, and tipped herself towards him, kissing him softly on the lips. Her tongue darted out, flicking over his bottom lip, and she whispered, “I guess you’ll have to unwrap me…Mmmmm…You taste so good.” Marlena’s fingers began to slowly unbutton his shirt, and pull it from the waistband of his slacks. Leaning forward, she spread his shirt open, and ran her nose along his skin, breathing deeply, “You smell so good.”

“G-d, baby,” John rasped roughly. “You barely touch me, and I’m on fire.” Shivers wracked his body, when she raked her nails over the skin of his chest. 

Gently flicking one of his nipples, Marlena whispered, “I want you to destroy me.”

“Oh, fuck!” he cried, feeling her nails scrape over his chest. Her tongue licked over his nipple before she bit at it softly, causing his cock to jerk heavily in his pants. Shrugging out of his shirt, John reached for the button on her dress, slipping it free, and unzipped her dress in mere seconds. Looking into her eyes, bright with arousal, John whispered, “I want to see what you’ve got under this dress, baby.”

Marlena smiled, stepping back, and kicked her shoes off. John’s eyes were fixated on her unable to do anything but wait patiently. His eyes roamed over her, absorbing every inch of skin as it was revealed. Letting the dress drop to the floor, she had barely stepped out of it before John’s mouth was on hers. His fingers laced through her hair, and his mouth consumed her. Pulling away roughly, he nearly growled, “Bedroom. Now.”

Her small hands reached for the fastening on his slacks, and she whispered, “These must be feeling rather tight.” 

John thought he might come in her hand when she slid her hand along his length, “Doc…fuck, Doc…bedroom…” His hands reached for her, settling on her hips, and the feel of the lace under his fingers was buttery soft. He groaned. John allowed his hands to smooth over her, and cup her ass. His fingertips slid easily under the edge of the fabric, before he lifted her up. He nearly sighed in relief at the feeling of her legs wrapped tightly around him.

Marlena’s arms looped around his neck, and she sucked at the skin of his neck, while he carried her into the bedroom. They didn’t make it to the bed. John had barely entered the room, before he pushed their bodies against the wall, and he rasped out, where the fuck did you get this outfit from?”

She continued to suck at the skin along his shoulder, and moan out her enjoyment, at the feel of his hands on her body. His hands still held her firmly, but his fingers had dipped lower, and he couldn’t stop himself. Sliding one into her warm heat, Marlena cried out, “Oh, G-d! John!”

Releasing her quickly, John kicked his pants off, and removed his boxers. Taking Marlena’s hand in his, he led her to the bed, where he sat on the edge, and pulled her body forward, burying his face in her breasts. Looking up at her, he whispered, “You are so beautiful.” Licking over the swell of her breast with a long, slow, draw of his tongue, he mumbled, “Absolutely fucking amazing…”

She felt a sigh escape her, and she reveled in the feel of his mouth on her skin. Pulling at his hair, she moaned, “Bite me…”

John’s cock bobbed against his abdomen, and he began to nip at the sensitive skin of her breasts, along the edge of her camisole. Marlena pulled his hair harder, tugging at it hard, and the surge of pain caused his arousal to soar. Roughly pushing the strap of her camisole down, John pulled her breast free and bit at her nipple, harder than he’d intended, and Marlena screamed, “Fuck!” Pulling his mouth closer, she said, “Oh, G-d! Do it again.”

She felt her body nearly weeping into the lace of her panties, and felt the moistness along her inner thighs. Her hips bucked towards him, and John’s hands cupped her ass, lifting her off the ground as he sucked and licked his way across her skin. His fingers dipped between her legs, and he stared up at her in awe, “So fucking hot…and wet. I’m going to slide into you baby. Slide into you, and do exactly what you asked me to do. I’m going to fucking destroy you.”

She couldn’t speak. The only sounds that escaped her were high pitched gasps, and rough pants of arousal, as John continued to assault her body with his mouth. Pulling the other strap free of her shoulder, John pushed the camisole to her waist, and cupped her breasts, licking along the crease between them. Pulling one nipple into his mouth, he sucked at her voraciously, while his hands clumsily pushed her camisole over her hips and  onto the floor. Licking over her tortured breasts one last time, he gazed over her body, running his finger along the waistband of her panties, and fingering the little velvet bow gently. “How can something be so fucking innocent, and so fucking sexy at the same time?”

Pushing her panties to the floor, John pulled her body into the bed, spreading her legs wide, and dragging her to the edge. Kneeling on the floor before her, he said roughly, “You smell so sweet…and you’re so wet…” He stared at her open pussy, running his finger along her seam slowly, “You are going to taste so fucking good…”

Marlena screamed when John’s tongue roughly licked her. A long, slow, lick, that flicked her clit at the end, and made her hips buck against his face in search of more, she begged him, “Please! Please!”

John smiled against her, smoothing his palm up her thigh, and settling it on her belly to hold her still, “You like that baby? You like my mouth on your most private parts?”

“Yes! Yes!” she cried, reaching for him, and only managing to scrape her nails over the skin of his shoulders.

John sucked at her clit, over and over again, while holding her down, and Marlena’s pants and cries only served to drive him forward. He sucked at her clit the way he sucked at her breasts. He bit at the folds of her pussy as if he couldn’t get enough, and when Marlena climaxed, her arousal flooded his mouth, and John continued to lick her, and suck at her flesh, while she begged him to fuck her.

John finished licking her thighs clean, and he rose up over her. Marlena stared up at him with glazed eyes, and whispered, “I love you.”

“I’m not done with you yet,” he said, leaning forward, and licking at her neck. “You wanted to be destroyed, baby…so, I am nowhere near done.”

“Oh, G-d!” she cried. John wrapped his hands under her thighs, lifted her body up to his, and slid his length into her in one smooth thrust. “John!” Marlena nearly sobbed. Her fists clenched in the bedspread, and her head rolled to the side.

Look at me,” John commanded, driving into her soft depths. “Look. At. Me.”

Marlena’s eyes caught his, and held. Sensation controlled her body. John controlled her body, and all she could do was stare at him helplessly, and beg for more. She felt another climax coming, and John could feel it too. Her pussy clenched, and rolled over his length, as he drove into her. John knew his fingers were digging into her thighs, and he whispered, “Tomorrow…when you have bruises…I hope your pussy clenches every time you sit down, just remembering tonight.”

His words pushed her over the edge, and Marlena’s orgasm rocked her. Her pussy squeezed him, and John had to stop moving to keep himself from coming. He pulled out of her limp body, rolling her onto her stomach. Spreading her legs wide, he said roughly, leaning over her back, “Now, let’s see if I can repeat what I did to you in the cabin.”

John stood up, and slid back into her warm depths. He pushed into her, deep, his cock nudging her cervix, and Marlena screamed, “Oh! Fuck…John!”

“I’m going to make you come so hard, baby…and this time, I’ll be with you. I’ll be right there with you,” he rasped, his hips pounding into her with abandon. Marlena was exhausted, but she knew, he was going to make her come again. Every time he pushed into her, his cock bumped her cervix, and she felt the trembling start. She felt the electrical impulses, that had her crying out louder. It had her digging her own nails into her palms, and she said, “Please…please…oh, John! Please!”

John’s movement became uncoordinated, and he started to drive into her deeper. Leaning over her back, he linked his arms under hers, pulling her up, so her body was flush with his, and he pushed into her one last time, as hard and as deep as he could, coming deep inside her. Marlena exploded. Pulling her head to the side, John’s mouth consumed her, and he mumbled against her lips, “I love you. I love you…I love you.”

Chapter 26

Roman received the divorce papers the following Monday, just as he was leaving for work. He’d opened the door, and a man handed him an envelop, asking him to sign for it. His heart sank. He knew what it was. He hadn’t thought Mickey would work that fast to get them to him, but there they were. Tearing the envelope open, and reading over them, Roman roared, “What the fuck is this shit?”

Caroline looked up from the morning paper, and said, “Roman!”

“Ma! She’s trying to take my kids! I know what she’s doing! She’s thinking, she’s going to replace me with John!”

“Roman, talk to her, but if I know Marlena, this has nothing to do with John, and everything to do with your behavior since you’ve returned,” Caroline said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You were rough with her on several occasions. You’ve hit her, which Eric witnessed. You’ve cursed at the children…Roman, think about it. Marlena has a right to be concerned.”

“But sole custody? Supervised visitation? Really, Ma?”

“I spoke with her about this, Roman, and I have to agree with her. The children are scared of you, and you should probably speak with someone about—”

“—you spoke with Marlena about me? When?” Roman asked his mother suspiciously.

“When she came back from Smith Island, we—”

“—you’ve known about this for a week! You didn’t think this was something you should discuss with me?”

She hadn’t discussed it with him, because she knew how he’d react. Caroline sighed, “I agree with her, and I knew how you might take the news. You were gone for seven years! You need to work through that,” Caroline said.

Shawn entered the kitchen, and says, “Ye mother’s right, Roman. Ye get angry at the drop of a hat, and I didn’t raise any son of mine to lay his hands on a woman. Marlena’s just wanting ye to see someone, and get some help. It’s not a permanent custody arrangement, unless ye make it that way.”

“Roman, please!” Caroline said. “Sign the papers, and get some help. Do it for yourself, and do it for the children. Carrie’s back now, and you know how upset she was Friday.”

Roman felt as if his parents were attacking him, “Ma! Carrie slipped my mind! I told her I was sorry!”

Shawn was angry at Roman’s level of ignorance, “Slipped ye mind, son? Roman! Ye saying ye forgot ye own child?”

“No! Yes…I don’t know, Pop!”

“That’s what I mean, Roman,” his mother said softly. “Before, Carrie was your pride and joy…how can she slip your mind?”

The harsh ring of the telephone rend the air. Caroline and Shawn glance over at the telephone, and Roman snatches it up angrily, saying harshly, “Hello?”

“Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s Chief Tarrington. I know, I told you that I didn’t have a job for you, but something has just come up. It’s a deep cover assignment…in Afghanistan. I’m not sure how long you would be needed, but it wouldn’t be less than a year. In all honestly, it could last a few years, but you said long-term, when last we spoke,” Chief Tarrington said.

Roman knew the timing was bad, but he had to go. When he’d called Chief Tarrington a week earlier, he’d been upset. He couldn’t handle the pressures of being a father, watching Marlena move on…and now this baby with Billie. Getting the divorce papers had solidified that feeling of helplessness. Sighing deeply, he replied, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m still interested.”

“Good. Excellent,” Tarrington said. “You were always one of our best agents. It will be great having you back on the team. I’ll be expecting you in Washington by Friday. Is that possible?”

“Friday? Yes, I can get there before Friday,” Roman said, feeling the eyes of his parents burrowing into him. Turning his back to them, Roman said, “I think tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.”

“I’ll get your training session set up to start Thursday. Just to get you up to date on the newest protocol,” Chief Tarrington told him.

“Thank you for this opportunity…I really needed this,” Roman said. Hanging up the phone, he turned to face his parents, and said slowly, “That was Chief Tarrington, with the ISA—”

“—No! Roman!” Caroline gasped.

“Ye just came home, and now ye’ve got this mess with Carrie and the twins. Plus the baby that be coming…Roman, ye can’t go now!” Shawn exclaimed.

Reaching for an ink pen, Roman scribbled his name across the divorce papers, and tossed them onto the table, saying, “Nothing is what I expected! Nothing! I’m going to do this assignment for the ISA, try and get my head together and I’ll be back.”

“How long?” Caroline asked him. “How long?”
Refusing to look at his mother, Roman said, “At least a year…maybe longer. It’s deep cover…you might not hear from me…for awhile.”
“Roman, I can’t believe yer going to do this. The children need ye!” Shawn said loudly. “Last time ye left, that wasn’t yer fault, but this? Ye be abandoning ye children!”

“The kids, my kids, don’t need me. They never have, because they had John,” Roman said bitterly. “Everyone in this fucking family had John.”

Shawn was angry that Roman was pitying himself, rather than trying to find a solution. Roman was going to run away, rather than work on his relationships, and get himself help for what he’d been through. “Roman, taking this assignment with the ISA, that’s a cowards way out. Ye know that!”

“I can’t stay here, Pop. I just need some time,” Roman said. “I need to pack…can you get those papers to Mickey?”

“What about Billie…and the baby?” Caroline asked him. “You have to say good bye to Eric, Sami, and Carrie!”

“She’s got Bo, doesn’t she?” Roman told his mother. “And the kids…they won’t even miss me.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The following morning, Carline sat at Marlena’s dining room table with a cup of tea. She had just told Marlena about Roman. “He’s gone?” Marlena said, staring at Caroline in shock. 

“He left this morning,” Caroline said quietly, staring into her cup.

Marlena sat down across from her, with her own cup, and said, “I can’t understand why he would do that, Caroline…He didn’t even bother to say goodbye to the children.”

“Shawn and I are angry, Marlena. Shawn is downright ashamed. Roman wasn’t thinking of anyone but himself, and I hate to say that about my own son, but this was a purely selfish decision,” Caroline told her with obvious frustration. “Instead of getting the help he needs, he simply gave up, and left everything behind.”

“What about Billie? And the new baby? He’s just left them…for years? He’ll never even know the child.”

“Roman seemed to think that Bo will be there for Billie, and that him being present won’t be necessary.”

“So, he’s feeling sorry for himself? Is that what you’re telling me? He’s abandoned his children, and his family, because what? He can’t cope with the way his life has turned out?” Marlena asked her with rising anger.

Caroline didn’t know what to say. There was no excuse for what Roman had done. None. She took a long sip of her tea, just as Sami burst into the kitchen, “Can I get a snack, and then can we go to the park?”

Marlena said, “Come here, and hug your Mommy first, and then say hello to your Grandma.”

Sami smiled big, and ran across the room, throwing her arms around Marlena, “I love you!”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

“Hey, Grandma!” Sami said, kissing Caroline on the cheek and hugging her. “Mom, can we go to the park after I get a sandwich?”

“Sami, where’s Eric?” Caroline asked.

“Daddy picked him up from school, ‘cause they got tee ball practice. Mom, Clara’s brother Pete is on Eric’s tee ball team, and she’s gonna be at the park playing while they practice. Can we go? Please?” Sami begged.

“Eat your snack,” Marlena said. “Caroline, are you up for a trip to the park?”

“John’s coaching Eric’s tee ball team?” Caroline asked, understanding immediately that Sami was talking about John when she said Daddy. She hadn’t stopped referring to him that way, and it was another thing that Roman couldn’t seem to handle.

“They needed a coach, and Eric asked John,” Marlena said softly.

Sami interjected, around a mouthful of turkey and cheese sandwich, “Well, first Eric asked our other Dad, but he said, he can’t, ‘cause he’s gotta work all the time. They had another coach, but they was playin’ real bad. Real stinkers, so, Eric asked Daddy, and he said yes.”

Marlena laughed, “We need to work on her grammar, but essentially, that’s the gist of it.”

Caroline was saddened that even when Roman was trying, he hadn’t truly been trying. “A trip to the park would be nice. The weather has been so good lately.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John stood on the sidelines, screaming, “Run it home, Caleb! Run it home!” Marlena smiled to herself, watching John coach. Eric was so happy to have John back in his life, and John was so happy to be there. After everything the twins had been through, bringing John back into their lives had been the key. When they had been separated from him so abruptly, Marlena had almost immediately seen problems arise. Their grades dropped. Eric developed anxiety, and became withdrawn. Sami started acting out in school. Taking their father from them had been the wrong decision. Roman’s inability to compromise had been hurting them, and Marlena couldn’t allow Roman’s sense of inadequacy to permanently scar their children. He was the adult, and he needed to work through that. She sighed deeply, remembering her conversation with Caroline. Instead of working through it, Roman was fleeing it, and leaving his children in the wake he’d left behind.

John glanced over to see Marlena standing near the fence. Jogging over to her, he leaned close, and whispered, “Hey, baby.”

Smiling at him shyly, Marlena said, “Hey, yourself, Sailor.”

He immediately thought about their time at the cabin, and he groaned, “Fuck, woman. How do you make me want to ravage you with a simple nickname?”

With a sexy smile, she leans close to the fence, and whispers, “Ravage me, huh?”

“That’s a fact,” he said. Looking over his shoulder, he said quickly, “We’re almost done here. We’ll talk.”

Watching him run off towards the field, Marlena was content with her life for the first time since she’d come back to Salem. “You love him, don’t you?” Caroline asked her.

“I never stopped,” she replied. “I never stopped, and I should have been honest with myself from the moment we found Roman in San Cristobal. I should have been honest, but Roman had been through so much, and Isabella…”

Marlena started walking towards the bleachers, sitting down, and watching John. Seating herself next to her, Caroline said, “Sometimes love won’t be denied.”

“It hurt Roman. I should have just been honest. Instead I tried to make the family Roman had imagined. It did more harm in the long run. Why couldn’t I see that?”

“Oh, Marlena. We can always look back, and see what we might have done differently. What happened between you and Roman…it wasn’t malicious on your part,” Caroline said softly.

“It still hurt him. He wanted things to be the way they were, before he left us,” Marlena told her. “He wanted everything to be the same. Instead…I couldn’t love him the way he wanted, because I felt as if I was being unfaithful to John.”

“Marlena—”

“—the night he cheated on me…I’d woken him, because I was dreaming of John. I drove him from our home that night, because I couldn’t stop loving another man.”

“We don’t blame you for that,” Caroline said, reaching for Marlena’s hand. “We don’t hold that against you.”

Looking at Caroline with tear filled eyes, Marlena whispered, “Thank you.”

“Now that Roman’s gone, the children are going to need you…and John, more than ever.”

“I have to speak with him. We have to tell Carrie, and this—this is going to hurt her so badly, but we promised her…we promised complete honesty.”

“I’ll take the children tonight,” Caroline said softly. “You and John…you can speak to Carrie.”

Chapter 27

Marlena cried softly, staring at the front door that Carrie had just slammed on her way out of the house. The hurt in her daughters face, when she learned that Roman had left Salem, had nearly broken Marlena’s heart. She couldn’t make excuses for him. She couldn’t explain away his actions. Carrie blamed herself. Marlena wanted to scream, rant, and physically maim Roman.

John slid his arms around her from behind, and whispered, “She’s hurt, Doc. She’ll be back. She just needs time.”

“I know,” she whispered, wiping at her tears. “I can’t believe Roman’s done this to her. I can’t believe he’s done this to his family.”

“All we can do is help her through it,” he said softly. “Help her, and the twinners, get through this.”

“He broke her heart, John. She thinks he’s left because she came home.”

“Once she calms down, we’ll speak with her again. She won’t hear the message until she’s ready, but we’ll make sure she understands. Leaving Salem was Roman’s choice, and it had nothing to do with her,” he said.

Marlena sighed, leaning her head back against his chest, “I feel like this is my fault.”

“This is Roman’s fault, baby. Roman’s. Not yours. Not Carrie’s.”

Looking up at him with wide eyes, Marlena turned around in his arms, placing her arms loosely around his neck, and said, “I love you. Thank you for being with me…for helping me speak with Carrie.”

“I will always be here for you,” he whispered, brushing her hair from her face, and kissing her softly. Reaching for Marlena’s hand, John said, “Come sit with me on the couch. I needed to talk to you about something.”

He settled into the corner, and Marlena curled up on his lap. Wrapping one arm around his neck, and resting her other hand on his chest, she laid her head on his shoulder, and kissed his neck gently, murmuring, “You smell so good.”

Squeezing her thigh, John growled, “Doc, you keep doing that, and I’m going to forget what I had to say.”

“Okay…I’ll stop, for now,” she said, licking him once behind his ear.

He wanted to throw her naked body onto the couch, and make her scream, but instead he said, “Lawrence and I met with the doctor who did the DNA test today. It’s official, I have a half-brother.”

“How did he react?”

“He’d already had paperwork drawn up,” John said softly. “Even before we had the test results, he said he knew. This new relationship is going to feel odd at first. I’m trying to reconcile my childhood memories of him, with my adult ones. I’ve never been a fan of Lawrence Alamain.”

“What did he have paperwork for?”

“Half of our mother’s estate. I, um…Lawrence signed it over to me today,” John said. “I have no idea what I’m going to do with it. Doc, it’s worth $33 million.”

Marlena gasped lightly, “What would you like to do with it?”

“Buy us a house. Marry you. Aside from that, I have no idea. The only job I was good at was police work, and that’s no longer an option,” John told her.

“Why? You could rejoin the police force. Abe’s in charge now.”

“When Roman came back, I lost my position. I’m no longer Commander Brady. I’m not sure I’m up to the challenge of starting from the bottom.”

“You could open a PI business,” she said.

John was quiet for a moment, “A PI business?”

“Or security,” she said. “You could open a security firm. I recall you being very good at that. Didn’t you redesign Victor’s whole system?”

“I did…but that was only so I could break into his house,” John told her with a laugh.

“Really?” she asked him with wide eyes. “How did I not know that?”

“I was trying to get information on The Pawn Memory Program,” he said with a shrug. “But a security firm…that has potential. At least I don’t have to work at the docks anymore.”

Marlena snuggled closer to John, burying her face in his neck, and yawning, “It’s been such a long day.”

“It’s late too, Doc,” he said softly. “I should go, and let you get some sleep. Come on, let’s get you into bed.”

“Just…just hold me for a little bit,” she whispered, her hot breath washing over his skin. “Just for a little bit,” she murmured, snuggling into him even more.

John shivered, pulling her closer, “I’ll hold you for as long as you want.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Carrie came home after midnight. She found Marlena and John both asleep on the couch. Their arms were wrapped around each other. Something was going on with those two. She was sure of it. They’d been behaving very domestic, but she’d not been able to gather the courage to ask that question. While Marlena looked comfortable, wrapped up in John’s lap, he looked like his neck would suffer in the morning. His head had rolled to the side, and without a pillow to support it, it was going to hurt a lot when he finally woke.

Approaching the couch, she gently roused John, and said, “You might want to wake her up, and get her to bed.”

John was surprised he’d fallen asleep, “Carrie?”

“I just got home…it’s late,” she whispered. “It—it looked like your neck was going to hurt if you stayed sleeping like that.”

“Yeah…yeah, we didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he said, sitting up straighter, and adjusting Marlena in his lap.

“Do you love her?”

John stared at Carrie for a moment, and then looked back down at Marlena with a soft smile, “Yes, I love her. I always have.”

“Does she love you?”

“She does,” he said softly.

“Then go to bed,” she said with some snark. “And get off this damn couch.”

“I should…I should go to my place,” he said.

“Why? The twins aren’t home, and I’m old enough to know what you two have most likely been up to,” Carrie said with a grin. “Go to bed, Dad.”

John blushed slightly at Carrie’s thinly veiled insinuation. Standing with Marlena in his arms, he asked her, “Are you okay, Punkin’?”

Carrie sighed lightly, “I was upset at first, thinking Roman left because of me, but I thought about it, and I realized…the father that raised me, the man I call Dad…that’s you, and you’d never abandon me. Never.”

“I never would. You and the twins…Marlena, you are the best part of my life. I’m slowly remembering things, but my bedrock will always be this family,” he said softly.

Carrie followed John up the stairs, “So, Dad, you making pancakes for breakfast?”

John chuckled lightly, whispering over his shoulder, “Do you want pancakes for breakfast?”

“Of course!” she said, opening the door to her bedroom, and pausing there for a moment. “I always want pancakes.”

“I’ll make you pancakes, Punkin.”

“I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, too,” he said, watching Carrie close her bedroom door behind her. Entering Marlena’s bedroom, John felt slightly out of place, almost as if he didn’t belong there. The layout was the same, but the bed was different. The decor was different. Marlena had stripped it of any sign of Roman, but it still didn’t feel familiar. Laying Marlena on the bed, he gently woke her. Stroking his fingers softly over her face, he whispered, “Hey, baby.”

Marlena’s eyes fluttered, and she said groggily, “John?”

“You need to get changed for bed.”

Marlena wiped at her eyes, “Did Carrie come home?”

“She did. She’s in her room.”

“Oh, G-d! She saw us?”

“She’s fine, Doc. Go wash your face, and get ready for bed,” he said.

“She’s—she’s okay?” Marlena asked him.

“Carrie is fine. You can talk to her tomorrow morning, over pancakes.”

“You’re making pancakes?” Marlena asked him with a smile.

“That’s a fact,” he told her, tossing her a t-shirt. He recognized it as one of his old police academy shirts. “It was a special request.”

Before she entered the bathroom, Marlena asked him, “You’re staying? Tonight? Please say you’ll stay.”

“If you want me to, I will.”

“I want you to,” she whispered.

Marlena exited the bathroom a few minutes later with a clean, fresh face, and wearing a t-shirt that barely reached mid-thigh. John was sitting on the end of the bed holding the same pair of sweatpants he’d worn at the Horton cabin. He felt his body already reacting to her, and he said roughly, “You mind if I shower? I was running laps with the boys today during practice.”

“John, you don’t have to ask. You know where everything is,” she said softly, stepping closer to him.

John’s hands cupped the back of her legs, just behind her knees. Pulling her body closer, he whispered, “Do you know how happy you make me, Doc?”

She leaned forward, shrouding their faces in the fall of her hair, and she kissed him lightly, “Do you know how happy you make me?”

John’s hands moved higher, onto the backs of her thighs, and he stared up at her, groaning, “G-d, woman…”

Laughing softly, Marlena said, “Go take a shower, Sailor, and get back here and snuggle me. I’m tired.”

When John slid into bed behind her, after his shower, he looped his arm around her waist pulling her back against him. She moaned softly, pushing her bottom into his crotch. John felt his dick twitch, and he whispered, “Doc…go to sleep.”

She tipped her head towards him, and said softly, “Make love to me.”

His palm squeezed her thigh, and he groaned. His cock was already lengthening against her. She smelled like soap, and perfume…and distinctly Marlena. “Baby…” he said. “I know you’re tired.”

“Oh, I am,” she sighed, squirming her ass against him a little harder. “You can do all the work.”

John chuckled against her neck, “I can? I might not mind that.” His hand moved over her hip, and his breath stuttered in his chest, when he realized there was nothing else there, “No fucking panties? I swear you will be the end of me.” Pushing his sweatpants down over his hips, John whispered, “Roll over, and face me, baby.”

Rolling towards him, Marlena took the t-shirt off, and looped her arms around his neck, whispering, “Make love to me…”

“You’re so fucking amazing, Doc,” John told her, touching her face lightly. Licking over the skin of her neck he groaned lightly. He felt his fingers digging into her thigh when he pulled her leg over his hip, and he ran the tip of his dick along her wet heat. She might bruise from this, but it just turned him on more.

“Oh!” she gasped, feeling her pussy tighten when his cock bumped her clit. “Oh!”

Sliding his length into her slowly, they both groaned, low and quiet. John bit her neck, and then sucked at her skin, before he started to slowly rock his hips into her. The pace was slow, almost languid. Marlena pulled John’s mouth to her, so that he could absorb every gasp, and every cry she exhaled. Their lips sucked at each other’s mouths, and their tongues mated the way their bodies joined. 

Marlena focused on the strength of John’s arms around her, the heat of his body, and the feel of his chest sliding roughly across her breasts. Her orgasm was a slow swell, a feeling of warmth that grew with every thrust, as John’s pelvis pushed into her, bumping over her clit. Into his mouth she gasped on a whisper, “Oh, G-d! John! Oh, G-d…I’m so close…I’m so close…”

“You feel so good. So tight, so fucking tight…and wet,” he rasped against her ear. “I swear I could slide in and out of you for eternity, and never get enough.” The feel of her soft curves under his hands, the swell of her hips, and her breasts against him, created a deeper emotion in him. It was more than love, it was soul binding. John whispered, “I love you, so much.”

“John…oh, G-d,” she cried softly. “I’m—I’m so close…” His hips continued their slow grind. His thrusts becoming choppier, and deeper, the push and rub against her clit becoming rougher. “John! Oh, John…I love you…I love you…I’m so close…”

Rolling her onto her back, John gripped her hips, lifting her slightly, and he began to push into her faster. He whispered roughly, “Rub you clit, baby. I want to watch.” Marlena’s finger found her clit hard and swollen, as she began to rub over it vigorously, “That’s right, Marlena. Rub it…fuck…” 

John pounded into her, and when they both started to come, he leaned forward, his mouth taking hers viciously, while she screamed her ecstasy into him, and he nearly passed out from the pleasure.

Chapter 28

Bo paced Abe’s office waiting for him to arrive. He felt as if he’d been there for hours, when, in reality, it had been less than a half an hour. Abe walked in looking confused, and exhausted. He’d been with Billie Reed for hours. He glanced at Bo quickly, saying, “She won’t see anyone right now.”

“Me? Abe! She’s refusing to see me?” Bo cried. “This doesn’t make any sense! Why would she do something like this!”

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out, Bo. She came into the station early this morning. She was covered in blood, and they called me right away. She specifically asked for me. She gave me her sworn statement, and she refused an attorney,” Abe told him. “There’s nothing I can do. It’s completely out of my hands now, and up to the DA.”

“This—this doesn’t…and she won’t see me? At all?”

“No,” Abe said, slowly. “Billie has asked to see three people…and she has refused to see you. I’m sorry.”

“Who does she want to see? This makes no fucking sense!”

Abe didn’t answer him at first, but finally said, “She wants to see Mickey…and she’s asked to see Marlena and John.”

“What the fuck?” Bo said, nearly shaking with tension. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand this at all! Why would she hunt someone down, and kill them in cold blood? Why would she do something like that?”

“I don’t know. In her statement, she was quite candid about what she did…but Bo, she’s not saying why she did it.”

“Roman fucking left, and now everything has gone gone to hell. How could he leave her like this? The baby is coming in less than four months. My parents are too old to raise this child. Roman has gone off, deciding to be some fucked up secret agent who can’t handle the realities of his own life, and now Billie…Abe, she’s—she’s not getting out of this. It was too calculated…too violent.”

Abe thought about Billie’s description of the murder of Curtis Brown. Bo was right. It was cold, calculated…malicious. His gut was telling him, it was also deeply personal, but if that was the case, Billie Reed wasn’t telling. “Look, Bo, when Marlena comes…I’ll have her wear a wire. Maybe, just maybe, she can get Billie to talk. We might be able to figure out the why…okay?”

Marlena knocked on the door to Abe’s office. Opening it slowly she said, “Abe? I came as soon as I could.”

“Marlena…is John with you?” Abe asked her.

“Yes, he’s parking the car, but, he’s coming. We had to see if Carrie could watch the twins. I’m sorry it took so long for us to get here.”

“Billie Reed turned herself in this morning,” Abe said. “She’s asking for you.”

“Turned herself in? Abe, what did she do?”

“She murdered Curtis Brown,” Bo said. “But she won’t say why.”

“She’s five months pregnant! Roman’s gone…didn’t she think about the baby?”

“We can’t get a motive out of her. I was hoping…we were hoping, you might wear a wire when you speak with her—”

“—I can’t,” Marlena said. “If she won’t tell you her motive…I can’t trick her into it. She confessed?”

“She did, but, Marlena…without a cause, without a motive, this is going to go very badly for her!”

“Please! Marlena, we—I need to know what would make her do something like this. She gave her statement, but I know her…she’s not a cold blooded killer. Something else is going on here,” Bo said in desperation.

“I’ll speak with her, Bo…but it won’t be recorded,” Marlena said. “I can’t betray someones trust like that. Not in this type of situation.”

“She could get the death penalty for this!” Bo cried. “Marlena, how can I help her, if I don’t know what’s going on?”

Marlena looked at Abe, “Why is she asking for me?”

“I don’t know. She’s asked for Mickey, too, but he hasn’t arrived yet,” Abe told her. 

John entered the office, mumbling about parking, and quickly realized that he’d interrupted an intense conversation, glancing at Marlena, he said, “You want to catch me up?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena and John entered the room where Billie was handcuffed to the table. It was a nondescript room with cinder block walls, and metal furniture. Billie looked up at them hopefully, as they took their seats. Marlena had worked on cases in the precinct before, so this type of situation wasn’t completely foreign to her. She said softly, “Billie, you asked us to come here.”

Billie was quiet for a moment, and then she said softly, “I killed Curtis Brown.”

“I read your statement,” Marlena told her. “Bo, Abe…everyone who knows you, Billie we don’t understand what would make you do something like this.”

“I—I killed him. Does it matter why?”

“It does. It matters a lot, if you’re going to come up with a defense,” Marlena said.

“What defense do I have? I wanted him dead. I tracked him down, and I killed him. Is there a defense for that?”

“There might be,” John said quietly. “Billie, I was a police officer for seven years, and I don’t feel like you’re a killer. Not the way your statement makes you sound.”

“I—I can’t say why,” she said, barely above a whisper. “I—I can’t tell anyone.”

“But you wanted me and John to come. Why?” Marlena asked her.

“Curtis Brown deserved to die,” Billie said, without emotion. “I’d do it all over again, if I could guarantee that he wasn’t around to threaten and hurt people. My baby…he’s going to grow up in a world that’s better, because Curtis fucking Brown isn’t in it.”

Marlena leaned forward, reaching for Billie’s hand, “You know, Bo and Abe…they wanted me to wear a wire when I met with you.”

Billie’s eyes widened, “What?”

“I wouldn’t do it, but Billie, I need to know why…because this isn’t who you are. You are not a murderer.”

“I am now.”

“But why?”

“I can’t,” she sobbed. “I’d rather—I’m so ashamed…”

“Billie, I have spent years of my life working with people, helping people, and you…you aren’t a cold-blooded killer,” Marlena told her. “Curtis Brown hurt you, but how?” Billie started crying, and looked down at the table. 

“Billie?” John said very quietly. She looked up at him, almost helplessly, and John whispered, “We need to know.”

“He’s my father…Curtis Brown’s my father,” Billie replied. “He—he…” Her voice trailed off, and a sob broke free from her chest.

“I want to help you…we want to help you,” Marlena said.

“I thought he couldn’t find me,” Billie cried. “But he did…he found me…he threatened me…he threatened my baby.”

“You were scared?” Marlena asked her.

Billie whispered, “Yes.”

“Abe and Bo…they want to help you. Billie, if you want leniency, we need to know the details,” John said with compassion.

“He—he used to drug me,” she said, so softly they could barely hear her. She continued to stare at the table, and whispered, “He raped me…he—he started when I was twelve…” Billie looked up at them, but the pity in their eyes, had her turning her head slightly to stare at the wall. “I left, as soon as I could, I left…but he found me. He said, if I didn’t come back, he would wait until my son was born, and he would kill him.” Billie looked up, staring at John, and she said, “He said he would kill my baby, and he would keep me so high, and so drugged…I could never fight back, because he—he owned me.”

“Billie,” Marlena said. “This changes everything. You know that right?”

“I don’t want Bo to know…I don’t want him to know!” Billie sobbed. “He’ll be ashamed.  My dad said…I’m trash. I’m a fucking junkie!”

“You’re father hurt you. He hurt you, and he was supposed to protect you. You understand that, right? A parent’s job is to love, and nurture their child. He failed you, and that…that is not your fault,” Marlena said emphatically.

“I’m going to prison for this,” Billie said. “I know that. Even if they know what he did to me, I’ll go to jail. I knew that before I killed him, and I killed him anyway…I’m going to jail, because of what I did to him after I killed him…”

Marlena didn’t respond right away, remembering the details from Billie’s statement. The graphic details of her mutilation of the body aligned with her story. Finally she said, “You’re trauma history could be used as a defense.”

“But it won’t save me from a lengthy prison term. I know that,” Billie said. “I know what I did.”

“Billie…why did you bring us here? That’s what I don’t understand,” John said.

“I want you to take my baby,” she whispered.

Marlena stared at her for a moment, “What?”

“I want you to take my son. Raise him with his brother and his sisters,” Billie said. “Roman’s gone. Who knows when he might come back. Shawn and Caroline, they can’t raise a baby. Bo would do it, if I asked him to, but you have Sami, Eric, and Carrie…they’re his family. I want you to give him the life I can’t. Give him the life I deserved.”

“Billie,” John said softly. 

“I can’t take care of him, John. I can barely take care of myself. Even if I managed to get out of here, I can’t raise this baby. I’m too…damaged right now. Someday, maybe…someday, I’ll get another chance to be a mother, but this isn’t it,” Billie said. “This isn’t my chance. Please…please do this for me.”

Marlena looked at John, and she could already see in his face that he was willing. Billie was right, this child was Sami, Eric, and Carrie’s sibling. He was their family. John nodded at her once, and Marlena said, “You’re sure you want to do this?”

“I want you to adopt him,” Billie said.

“We understand,” John told her.

“My brother, Austin…maybe he could see him sometimes?” she asked them.

“Family is important,” Marlena said.

“And you’ll teach him to be a good kid, like Eric and Sami? He can join clubs, and maybe play a sport… if he wants?” Billie asked them, crying again. “Just give him—give him what I can’t?”

“We’ll figure this out,” Marlena said gently. A knock sounded gently on the door, and an officer opened it, ushering Mickey into the room. Marlena looked at Billie, and said, “You need to tell him…all of it. We’re going to help you, but you’ve got to be honest.”

“But…you’ll still take the baby?”

“We will love him like he’s our own,” John said softly.

Chapter 29

Mickey Horton drew up the adoption papers for Billie’s baby, and he helped negotiate her plea. Her childhood was a myriad of horrors inflicted on her by a sadistic madman, and Billie was unwilling to relive it all in a public court. The DA took her trauma into consideration, and offered her fifteen years in a minimum security facility. The day she accepted the plea, Billie went into labor.

Staring at the baby in her arms, and touching his brown curls with a gentleness she didn’t know she possessed, Billie looked at Marlena and said, “He’s beautiful.”

“He is,” Marlena gushed. “You were amazing, you know that?”

“Amazing?” Billie laughed. “I don’t know about that. I feel like I did a lot of screaming.”

“When I had the twins…I know I did a lot of screaming. I think I may have cursed Roman’s very existence,” Marlena said jokingly.

Billie was quiet, staring into her son’s sleeping face, “They’re going to transport me tonight. I’ll—I’ll finish me recuperation in the prison infirmary…”

Marlena touched Billie’s cheek softly, and Billie looked up with tear filled eyes, “We’re going to send you updates, like we promised. He will be loved. Austin will be in his life, even more I suspect, since he and Carrie seemed to have developed a fondness for one another.”

Billie chuckled, “I can’t believe they’re dating.”

“You’re still his mother. You will always be his mother, and when he’s old enough, he’s going to know his story. John and I, we will make sure that he’s strong enough to handle that when the time comes,” Marlena told her.

“I love him so much, and that’s why…it’s why I have to do this,” Billie told her. “Sometimes to fully love something, you have to let it go, and I—I have to let him go…Did you pick a name yet?”

“We were thinking Nathaniel. It means ‘G-d has given’.”

Billie smiled, looking into her sons serene face, “It’s a beautiful name, and you’ll make his middle name Brady?”

“Yes. He’s a gift from G-d, Billie. He’s a gift from you,” Marlena said.

Touching his cheek softly, Billie murmured, “Nathaniel Brady Black. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

They’d moved their family into a larger home barely a week before Billie gave birth. John stood outside the ensuite bathroom in their bedroom, gently patting Nate on the bum, and rocking him, while he called through the door, “Doc what’s taking you so long? Our son had his gourmet breakfast of soy formula, and had his diaper changed by a profession…namely me. He would like to spend some time with you.”

She opened the door, looking ill, and muttered, “I think I have the flu. It might not be good to have the baby around me right now.”

John stepped back, and asked her with concern, “You’re sick?”

“I can’t seem to hold anything down,” she said. 

“Is anything else wrong? Or are you just nauseous? I mean, could you be pregnant?”

“Pregnant? John, I’m nearly…” her voice trailed off, as she pondered John’s question. Pregnancy wasn’t something she’d considered. She hadn’t gotten pregnant when they were married before, and she assumed, maybe it just wasn’t mean to be, but they hadn’t been doing anything to prevent pregnancy either.

“Doc?”

Marlena looked up John with wide eyes, and quickly ran to grab her purse. Rummaging through it, she pulled out the small calendar card she kept there. Her eyes stared at it for a moment, before she said, “I haven’t had my period in over three months. How could I not know that?”

John touched her gently. “We’ve been busy, baby. Everything with with Billie, and Nate, plus moving into the house,” John said. “I’m not surprised you missed it.”

“It could be stress…it could be, but it could also be—”

“—another baby?” John asked her. His eyes were bright with excitement. “We need a pregnancy test!”

“Another baby?” she repeated in shock. “If I’m three months along, and Nate is two weeks old…oh, G-d! John! How are we going to manage a six month old, and a newborn?”

“Irish twins?” John said with a huge smile. “They’ll be as close as Eric and Sami.”

“I can’t believe this,” she said, plopping down on the end of their bed. John sat beside her, gently rubbing over Nate’s back. The baby burped, and Marlena smiled, saying, “Oh, little man, you had to get that one out didn’t you?”

“You know, Doc, I would have a bunch of babies with you,” he said. “My life with you is so fucking amazing, and we’ve got the money. Maybe we’ll have to get a nanny, but we have enough love for many more little ones.”

“A nanny?” Marlena said.

“Sami and Eric are nearly ten. Carrie is nineteen now. So…we’ll have two little ones—”

“—I can’t think like this. I have to know,” she said standing up abruptly, and heading towards the phone.

“Who are you calling?”
“Dr. Bader,” she said. “I need to know for sure, and a blood test is the best way.”

“Actually, Doc, at three months, an ultrasound would be just as definitive,” John mumbled with a smug smile.

Marlena’s eyes got big, “You’re right.” Her hand went to her abdomen, and she forced herself to drop her hand quickly, unable to think straight. When the nurse on the end of the line answered, Marlena said, “Hello. This is Marlena Evans, can you page Dr. Bader, and see if she’s available?…Yes, I’ll hold…”

“You know, little Nate,” John cooed to the baby in his arms, “Mommy and Daddy might have worked out a sibling for you a little sooner than we expected.”

“John!” Marlena said. “What? Yes…Dr. Bader? I was wondering if I might be able to come in for a quick ultrasound this afternoon?…12:30?…Yes, that’s fine…No, I think I might be pregnant…Well, it would absolutely be a surprise…Three months…Okay, I’ll be there. Thank you.” 

“She’s going to fit you in?”

“During her lunch break,” Marlena said, reaching for Nate.

“You look so good with a baby in your arms,” John said. “I hope you are pregnant. Just thinking about you growing round with our baby…G-d, that’s so fucking sexy.”

Marlena cuddled Nate close to her, “Sexy? John, have you lost your mind?”

“Absolutely not,” he said, standing up and wrapping his arms around her and Nate. “I can’t think of anything hotter then you, swollen with my child, naked in my bed.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena stared at the screen beside her with tears in her eyes. John wiped her cheek softly, and said, “I’m so happy, baby.”

Dr. Bader laughed at Marlena’s surprise, and said, “You two are going to have your hands full.”

“I can’t believe this,” Marlena mumbled.

“Believe it, pretty lady. I don’t do anything halfway,” John joked.

Marlena gasped, “John! I’m serious!”

Kissing her quickly, he laughed, “So am I.”

“You were right about the date, Marlena. Based on the size, we’re looking at a little more than three months along,” Dr. Bader said, wiping the gel from Marlena’s stomach.

Adjusting her shirt, Marlena sat up slowly, “I just—I can’t believe this.”

“Don’t worry, Doc. It’ll be fine,” John said, holding his hand out to her. “Come on. Let’s head home. We left Carrie and Austin with three kids. Chances are, they’re not handling it very well.”

Twenty minutes later, Marlena and John entered their house. Sami ran to greet them, “Are you?”

“Am I what?” Marlena asked her.

“You know…are you pregnant?” Sami asked.

“How did you know—”

“—I’m sorry, Marlena,” Carrie said, walking into the living room. “Austin and I were talking, and I thought Sami was in her bedroom, but instead, she was eavesdropping through the kitchen door…because, she’s a brat.”

“I’m not a brat!” Sami yelled.

“Samantha Gene,” John said, kneeling down in front of her. “You know it’s not polite to listen to other peoples conversations.”

“How am I going to be a top secret agent, if I can’t learn top secret information?”

“There has to be another method,” he said with a smirk. “There’s also an age requirement, and you’re currently too young.”

Sami pouted, but said, “So?”

John smiled, still staring at her, “So?”

Sighing in exasperation, Sami leaned forward, and whispered, “Is there gonna be a baby, Daddy?”

John whispered back, “There’s gonna be two babies.”

Sami screeched, “Two babies!”

“Oh, no!” Eric yelled. “They better be boys.”

Marlena motioned for Eric to come closer, and she said softly, “I don’t mean to disappoint you, Eric, but they’re girls.”

Carrie yelled this time, clapping her hands. “Girls! Oh my G-d! You were right, Dad. You’re going to need a nanny.”

“Where’s Nate?” Marlena asked, feeling overwhelmed.

“He’s sleeping,” Carrie said. 

Marlena said softly, “I’m going to go check on him.”

John watched as she headed up the stairs, and he said to the kids, “She’s scared…and a little overwhelmed. This is a lot for her.”

“She’s going to be happy, Dad. She will. You know that, as soon as the shock wears off,” Carrie told him.

Marlena peeked into Nate’s crib, and smiled. She loved him so much. When she’d had DJ, and lost him, she didn’t think she could ever a love a child as much, but then Sami and Eric were born. Her heart expanded. Adopting Nate had done the same thing, her heart had simply grown larger. Having two more, Marlena could feel it already. The surprise was wearing off, and as she stood there staring at Nate with her heart full of emotion, she felt it grow larger. Lifting her shirt, she looked down. Her hand ran over her skin lightly, feeling the slight bulge she had felt that morning, and she whispered to herself with a soft smile, “Two more…how am I going to do this?”

“We’re going to do it together,” John whispered, wrapping his arms around her, and kissing her lightly on her neck. “I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I know that, deep inside myself. You are my everything, and I meant what I said earlier. I would have lots more little ones with you,” he said. Placing his palm on her belly, he said, “…but we can start with Nate…and these two.”

Turning in his arms, Marlena whispered, “I love you so much.”

Chapter 30

Nearly Six Years Later – June 1998

Roman Brady stood outside of what had once been his parents fish market. The sign now said, Brady Pub. Rounding the building, he entered his parents house through the side entrance. Everything remained the same. He dropped his bags by the door, just as a small boy came running into the room, and stopped short when he saw him. Roman didn’t recognize the boy and said gruffly, “Who are you?”

“I’m Nate, and I know who you are,” the boy said.

Roman crouched down, “You do? And who do you think I am?”

“Youw my father…the one who loved me, but couldn’t take cawe of me,” Nate said. “My Mommy and Daddy told me all about you.”

Roman nearly fell over, realizing this child, was his son with Billie. He could see Billie in the boys eyes, but the brown curls dangling in his eyes was all him. “Where is your Mommy?”

“She’s westing,” Nate said. “Sophia has the flu, and Willow might be getting sick, plus Mommy…she’s having another baby. Gwandma told her to lay down, but she’s been sleeping awhile, so she might wake up soon.”

Roman was confused. Had Billie gotten married? “Do you have a Daddy?”

“Oh, yeah. I gots the best Daddy, but he’s with Erwic in San—San Fwancisco right now, cause Erwic had a baseball touwnement.” Nate leaned closer to Roman, and said, “Eric’s weal good at baseball.”

Roman felt the old jealousy begin to rise up inside him, and he pushed it down harshly, “What’s your Daddy’s name?”

Nate was proud, puffing his chest out when he said, “John Black. I’m Nathaniel Bwady Black. See? I was kinda named after you too, ‘cause my middle names Bwady.”

Roman smiled, “I see that. So if John is your Daddy, is Marlena your Mommy?”

“She’s the abswolute bestest Mommy,” Nate said, radiating love. “She smells like flowers. But she can’t cook much, so’s mostly evewyone else takes turns, except me, and Sophia, and Willow. We can’t cook yet.”

Roman felt tears forming in his eyes. He’d left everything, and as before, life had continued without him. The difference was that this time, he’d been ready for that. He hadn’t expected it to turn out this way, but he’d been prepared for change. He’d accepted that Marlena was no longer his. He’d accepted that Eric and Sami would be raised by John, and he’d accepted that Carrie might hate him for leaving her the way he did. “So, little guy,” Roman said, standing up, and cracking his back. “What about your other Mommy?”

Nate looked up at Roman, “My Mother? The one who gwowed me in her woom?”

Roman laughed out loud at Nate’s reference. It sounded like such a Marlena description, “Yeah, your Mother.”

“She’s still gots some time at the place,” Nate said looking down. “Because when I was a baby, she huwt somebody. A bad man.” Looking up with bright eyes, the little boy said, “But guess what?”

“What?”

“She’s a—a lawwer. Do you know what that is?”

“I think I’ve got an idea,” he said softly, sitting at one of the kitchen chairs.

“Well, when she’s been at the place, she was going to school, and she’s a lawwer now, and when she gets out, she’s gonna help people who need help,” Nate said proudly.

Roman sat quietly for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Billie was in jail, and even though he knew he should look for Caroline or Shawn, he asked Nate, “So how long have you been with your Daddy and Mommy?”

Nate looked at Roman funny, as if his question was odd, but he replied, “I’s always been with them. My Mother loved me so, so, so, so, so much, that she asked them to love me, cause she had to go to the place. She asked my Mommy and my Daddy to make me their child, and love me forever. So’s they adopted me, and now they’we my Mommy and Daddy!” Nate seemed so proud of his explanation, that Roman chuckled. The child was amazing, and Roman realized, without his veil of bitterness and anger, that when he’d come home last time…Eric had been amazing…Sami had been amazing…and if he’d given her half a chance, Carrie was probably amazing as well. 

The door to the kitchen opened, and Roman heard, “Nathaniel Brady Black! You left a mess all over the—” Marlena stopped in her tracks, staring warily at the man sitting in one of the kitchen chairs, “Roman…”

“Hey, Doc,” he said.

She felt her chest tighten, glancing over at Nate, and she said to Roman, “When did you get here?”

“Just now,” he said softly. 

She glanced at Nate again quickly, and told him, “Please clean up that mess in the other room. I don’t want your Grandpa to trip over it, and you know he can’t navigate very well.”

Nate leaned towards Roman, and whispered, “He gots a cane, ‘cause he felled down the stairs once, and broke a hip or something.” 

Roman looked to Marlena again, “Pop fell down the stairs?”

“A few years ago,” she said warily, stepping into the room. Roman noticed her abdomen was round with advanced pregnancy. “Roman, why didn’t you let anyone know you were coming home?”

“I thought I’d surprise everyone,” he said with a wry chuckle. “I guess I’m the one who’s surprised.” She didn’t say anything, she continued to watch him. Roman sighed, and said, “I’m fine, Doc. I’m fine. It’s amazing what government ordered therapy will do for a guy. It was the fancy therapy, too, Doc. Cognitive Processing Therapy they called it.”

“I’m familiar with it,” she said quietly.

“So, am I aware that I fucked up? Yeah. Yeah, I fucked up. Can I fix it?” he asked her quietly. “Probably not…but I can try to mend it, I guess.”

“Nate is happy,” she said quietly. “I don’t want you trying to take him from the only family he knows. He’s been raised with his siblings, and if you—”

“—that was never my plan,” Roman told her. “Billie…whatever happened with Billie, she made—she made the right choice. The boy is smart, articulate, and it’s obvious that he’s loved. I’m not here to ruin that. I came home, because I got my shit together, and I have amends to make with the people in my life. I don’t have any grand illusions that doing it will be easy. I imagine it’s going to be pretty fucking hard.”

Marlena sat on the far side of the table, “It’s going to be hardest with Carrie. Roman you’ve been gone almost seven years.”

“I don’t have excuses,” he said. “When I first left…I blamed everyone except myself for the things I felt were wrong in my life. I blamed you, for loving John. I blamed my family for accepting him. I blamed Eric and Sami for thinking he was their father…when I should have been trying to find a way to cope with my nightmares, my irrational anger, my debilitating fear at the smallest things.”

“I wanted to help you,” Marlena said softly. “I knew you were suffering, but you refused to discuss it.”

“Discussing it meant it was real, that it had happened to me,” he said quietly. “At the time it was much easier to stand outside of what Stefano had done to me, and pretend he did it to someone else.”

“That’s a trauma response.”

“I wouldn’t have listened to you. You know that, Doc. I was too angry with you…I couldn’t aim my anger at Stefano, which is where it rightfully belonged, so I took all of that anger and rage, and I targeted you, the children…John, even my family,” Roman said. 

“I’m glad you got help,” she whispered.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Doc.”

“I am,” she said. “…are you happy?”

“I’m working on it,” Roman told her. “I’m working on it…I hear Eric is in San Francisco?”

Marlena smiled with pride, “He is. His baseball team made it into some tournament in San Francisco. John has been coaching since you left.”

Roman pushed his jealousy down again, “And Sami?”

“She’s interning at Black Securities,” Marlena said. “She’s decided that being a secret agent is too dangerous, so now she’s trying to understand how John’s security firm works this summer. Carrie, well, Carrie finished school almost two years ago. She’s working in public relations in Seattle…She’s married.”

“Married?” Roman repeated. Carrie was his little girl. Carrie was the one he carried on his shoulders through the fall festival, and told bedtime stories to when she was frightened at night.

Marlena whispered softly, “Time doesn’t slow down for us, Roman.”

“I know,” he said sadly. “So her husband…is he good to her?”

“He is. Oddly enough, she married Nate’s uncle,” Marlena said with a light laugh. “Austin Reed.” Roman sat across from Marlena, quietly trying to process the information she was handing him. Marlena continued, running her palm softly over her rounded belly, “She’s having a baby in August. We’re going to be grandparents, which is hard to believe since this surprise decided to come along. I never thought I’d be having another child at the age of forty-six.”

“Are you excited?”

“Excited… a little scared,” she said. “John and I found out we were pregnant with Sophia and Willow less than two weeks after Nate was born. It was chaotic for awhile. Nate and Eric, being the only boys, are very close. This baby…another girl.”

“How does John feel about another girl?”

“John loves babies, so the gender doesn’t matter,” Marlena told him. Roman looked aged, as if he had been through so much. She asked him, “What made you decide to come home?”

“I’m tired,” he said softly. “My assignment ended over a year ago, because I was shot. I nearly died. The ISA blamed me, and I can accept that it was my fault. I made a hot-headed, impulsive decision that risked the lives of my men. I was given two choices…but they weren’t really choices. Court-martial, or eighteen months in a government mental health treatment facility. You can imagine what I chose.”

“Roman!” Marlena gasped.

“Doc, don’t pity me…don’t. Everything happens for a reason, and if it hadn’t happened…I wouldn’t be here right now. I might not even be alive,” he told her. Leaning back in his chair, he said, “I’d like to see Sami and Eric, but they’re sixteen now…I can’t force them to see me.”

“It might be best to start slow,” she said carefully. “I don’t want you to have very high expectations, and be angry or disappointed.”

“Doc, John is their father. I know that. As much as I wish I’d been here for them, I wasn’t. I’ve accepted that I failed them, and I’m grateful that he was here to be a better man than I was,” Roman replied. “I’m not hoping for anything more than to have them in my life. I can be their father…but just like Nate, I can never be their Daddy. I’ve accepted that.”

Marlena wiped tears from her cheek, and said, “They are happy, Roman. They are loved beyond anything you could imagine.”

“Mommy!” Nate said running into the room. “I told Gwandma my Father was here, and she cried. What’s she crying for? She wants to see him, but she’s got Willow thwowing up in the bathwoom.”

Marlena looked at Roman, “You’re probably going to get the flu, being in this house, but come on…you can meet Willow and Sophia.”

“Isn’t Sophia sick?” Roman asked her warily.

“Yes, but now…so is Willow,” she replied.

“Gwandpa says its a two-fwer!” Nate yelled excitedly. “Mommy, what’s a two-fwer?”

Laughing, Marlena replied, “I’ll have your Grandpa explain it later.” Reaching for her sons hand, she said, “Lead the way, little man.”

Chapter 31 – Epilogue

Marlena’s head fell back in exhaustion. Tears fell over her face, her eyes closed in relief, and she smiled, as she listened to the wailing cry of her daughter. She could hear the clang of surgical instruments, and the mumbles of the doctor and nurses in the room, but it was John’s voice of encouragement that made her heart soar. “You did it, baby!” John said, wiping the tears from her face. “You fucking did it, and she’s beautiful! Open your eyes, Doc.”

Marlena’s eyes fluttered open. Forty three hours of labor, and an emergency cesarean…she had nothing left to give, but still she mumbled, “I’m so tired, John…but, I want to see her.”

“They’re cleaning her up right now,” he told her, kissing her lightly on the lips. “You’re amazing, pretty lady. My wife is fucking amazing.”

“I love you,” she whispered, feeling the sleep fight for control of her body.

“Don’t fall asleep yet…hold on,” he said, turning away. When he returned, John whispered, “Aspen…are you ready to meet your Mama? She worked so hard to bring you into this world.”

Marlena’s eyes opened again, and she sighed in surprise, touching her daughter’s head softly, “John? Red hair?”

“I think she’s going to be a wild one, baby,” John said with a light laugh. “She has a set of lungs that would wake the dead. This one can scream louder than Sami ever could.”

“I heard…” she said with a soft smile.

“Rest, Doc. Go to sleep,” John whispered. “The doctor is finishing up your incision, but you can rest now.” He watched Marlena’s eyes close, and he knew, she was already asleep. The last two days had been difficult. She deserved to close her eyes, and sleep.

Holding his snuggly wrapped daughter close to his chest, John stepped into the hallway and walked out into the waiting area. He was immediately accosted by family, all clamoring to see the newest member of their blended family.

Sami squealed, “Red hair!”

“Are you going to tell us the name now, Dad?” Eric asked.

“I’d like everyone to meet Aspen Calliope Black,” John told them with pride. Kneeling down, John was surrounded by the triplets, Sophia, Willow, and Nate.

Nate touched Aspen’s face softly, and said in awe, “She’s beautiful, Daddy.”

“Her hair is so soft,” Sophia whispered.

“Can I hold her?” Willow wanted to know.

“Well, right now, I have to take her back inside, and let the nurses make sure she’s healthy. I just wanted to let you see her first,” John told them gently.

“Is Mommy okay?” Nate asked.

“She’s very tired, but also very happy.”

Sophia said, “Sami said having a baby is hard work.”

“It’s is very hard work—”

Willow sighed, touching Aspen’s cheek gently, “—but it’s worth it, isn’t it?”

John smiled at his daughter, “I think it’s worth it.” Standing up, he faced Shawn and Caroline, saying, “Are you ready for another grandchild?”

Shawn gazed down at Aspen, who opened her bright blue eyes, and let out a wail. Looking at John, Shawn laughed, “Ye better be watching her, John. Spit and vinegar this one has!”

“She reminds me of Sami,” Caroline said.

John watched Aspen work herself up to another loud scream, and he said, “That’s what we need. Another Samatha Gene.”

“Hey!” Sami said loudly. “I heard you!”

“He wasn’t trying to hide it, brat,” Eric said with a laugh, wrapping his arm around his sister. “Besides, I think another little Sami is just what this family needs.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and John lay in bed with Aspen between them. She’d been home a little over a week, and they’d discovered that Shawn was right. Aspen was a child who let her needs be known. Marlena was reminded of the first few months she’d spent with Sami, sleepless nights, and oddly timed feedings. This morning John had found Marlena asleep on the couch, with Aspen happily sucking away at her breast, content and unaware that her mother had dozed off.

Looking at Marlena, John said, “I never imagined, after Mexico, that my life would end up like this. I am so fucking happy with you.”

“I’m pretty happy with you too, Sailor,” she said softly. “I love you. I love our children.”

“Do you think the kids are okay?”

Marlena laughed, “I think Uncle Roman has it under control, and if he doesn’t Sami’s there, and Sophia won’t step out of line with Sami there.”

“How do you feel about him spending time with the kids?”

“I think maybe this is his second chance,” Marlena said softly. “He can’t be their Dad anymore. He’s told me that himself, but he’s not willing to lose a relationship with them completely. This is his compromise. He’s Uncle Roman,” Marlena chuckled softly, “With this family, nothing is ever simple. A relationship with Nate, comes with Sophia and Willow. That’s just how it is.”

John smiled, “He seems happier.”

“I think he is happier. I hate that it had to take place under the circumstances it did, but I’m glad that his children, especially Nate, never see him the way he was.”

“So, the zoo, huh?”

“It’s Roman’s fault for letting them decide,” Marlena replied with a smirk.

“Sami could have warned him.”

“Sami is still testing him. Roman knows that.” Aspen started to fuss, and Marlena smoothed her hand over her daughter’s belly softly, soothing the baby back to sleep. “The triplets picked the zoo, and Roman’s got to pass the test. Sure, he’ll be exhausted, but if he’s trying to prove he’s committed to this…the one he needs to convince is Samantha Gene.”

“Eric still won’t speak to him,” John said. “I spoke with him about it, but I won’t push him.”

“And you’re right, you shouldn’t push him. Eric will decide on his own terms if he’s willing to give Roman a chance. It’s going to take time, and it may never happen. Roman has to accept that, because he did the damage.”

“Can you believe, we’re grandparents?” John asked her with a laugh.

“I’m still struggling with that. It’s hard to comprehend, when I’m still getting up at all hours of the night with my own baby.”

“Take a nap, Doc,” John said, scooping Aspen into his arms. “Enjoy this break you have, because Uncle Roman’s crazy ass took the triplets to the zoo.”

Marlena laughed loudly, and clapped her hand over her mouth. Aspen squirmed in her father’s arms, but settled back down. Marlena said softly, “Settle her in her crib, and come back and cuddle me.”

John stared at his wife for a long time, and said, “I’ll be right back, baby.”

THE END