Ersatz – By Ms. Goldie

August 19, 1991 – The Night of the Pier Reunion

“I’d like to tell you how I feel about it.”

The room was dark. The wallpaper was peeling from the walls, and the carpet was stained. Roman had been sitting in the window overlooking the river for several moments, in absolute silence. He stood from where he sat, and began to pace the room, restlessly, as if he were caged. He felt caged. “I’ve got so many questions, I don’t even know where to start, Doc.” Walking over to where Marlena sat on the end of the bed watching him, he was struck by her beauty. How could he have forgotten how she took his very breath? One kiss, and he was ready to throw everything he built since her death out the window. He had fought to come back after nearly being destroyed by it, and yet here she sat, looking up at him as if he hung the moon. “I hope you weren’t planning on getting any sleep tonight, young lady.”

“No,” she said softly, smiling up at him. She knew she should let him go. He had other obligations, and people were waiting on him. “But, Roman, you’ve got a party going on—”

“—forget about that party…what about you?” he said, standing over her.

Marlena looked up at him, wide-eyed, and whispered, “What about me?” He didn’t answer her. He couldn’t answer her, and she knew that. She stood up slowly, stepping so close she could smell him, and said softly, “Well, if it were up to me, I’d have you stay here all night…just so I could look at you.”

Roman’s eyes closed with the effort it took to hold himself back. He could feel his fingernails digging into his palms, and was surprised since he hadn’t even realized he was clenching his fists. She was so close the heat radiated from her, and mixed with a soft floral scent that he could only associate with her. She was intoxicating, overwhelming him with her presence. Marlena’s hand reached up, touching his face softly, and whispering, “But it’s not about me…you’ve got the twins, they’ll wake up, and wonder where their Daddy is, and…there’s Isabella.”

“Yes,” he said, but he wasn’t thinking straight. He could still taste her on his lips, as he licked over them. He watched tears well up in her eyes.

“So, we’ll talk tomorrow. You can come by here,” she said, stepping back, and suddenly he could breath again. He could breath again…but he didn’t want to. He wanted to suffocate on her.

“Fine,” he replied, watching her step past him, and turn her back to him. He needed to get home. He needed space from her, because her mere presence was consuming him, one soft whisper at a time.  

Staring at the back of her head, he listened as she said, “You know, we’ve got a lot of things that we have to, ah, get settled, especially about the children. Like how we’re going to break the news to them.”

He was crying. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. He tried to clear his throat, but he could barely swallow. She was alive, and she stood in front of him. If he had ever wished for anything in his life, this was it, and yet he held himself back, “You’re the doc, I’ll follow your lead on this one.”

She turned to face him, “I don’t want to wait any longer than I have to on that. I love them so much. I want them to know that. I want them to know that they have a mother.”

“We’ll work it out,” he said stiffly, clenching and unclenching his fists. “Tomorrow.” He stepped closer, he didn’t know why, but he couldn’t stop himself, “We’ll talk everything out tomorrow.” He wanted to melt into her. He wanted to absorb her, so he could have her forever. 

She smiled at him, her face mere inches from his, “You still don’t believe this, do you? I mean, you still don’t believe it’s real?” She watches as he takes in a shaky breath, overcome with emotion. A tear breaks free from his eye, sliding slowly down his face, and all he can seem to do is stare at her her, and shake his head. She’s right. This doesn’t feel real. Marlena says, “Roman…I’d like to tell you how I feel about it.” Her voice, the gentle cadence, a whisper in the silent room, drew him closer. “Remember when you were talking about…your dreams, and how you’d relive the past?” 

He nodded, his tears were falling more freely now. Even as he tried to hold them back, the reality of her…her essence surrounded him…he couldn’t seem to hold them back. Marlena stepped closer, and he wanted to somehow find a way to freeze this moment. To keep these feelings with him forever. She said, “About the last time, the last day that you, and I, and the children were together, and the last night that you and I spent together? Well that was…five years ago for you, but to me…it’s still 1986.” 

Marlena could feel her own tears falling from her eyes. She needed him to understand. She needed him to feel what she was feeling, because being near him, and not touching him was killing her. She could hear the tears in her own voice. “And…” she said, stepping closer to whisper in his ear, “Roman…the last day we spent with the children was yesterday…” His fingernails dug deeper into his palms, as he listened to the pain in her voice, and her breath brushed over his skin, “…and the last night that I spent with you…was last night.” He felt her sob, as she gasped against his ear, and that was his undoing. She whispered, “Oh…oh, you smell so good…”

Unable to stop himself, he turned his face to kiss her, his lips landing near the corner of her mouth. There was no way he could prevent himself from this moment. The soft breathy seduction of her voice pulled him in. He licked her, and she gasped, the salt of her tears bursting forth on his tongue. She was here. She was real. She was his. He pulled back, looking into her tear filled eyes, with a sudden dawning comprehension, and said, “You’re my wife.”

“I’m your wife,” she whispered, wiping the tears from his face. “And you…you’re my husband.”

“Your husband,” he whispered, resting his forehead on hers. “I’m scared, Doc. I’m so fucking scared.”

“Of what, Roman? I’m home,” she whispered.

“Your home…but…” he couldn’t continue. His fingers threaded though her hair, as he tipped her face up to his, and he licked her mouth again, moaning at the taste of her. His body nearly vibrated with need, and his fingers tightened in her hair. There was no way he could put words behind the emotions he currently had raging through his body. Instead he kissed her again, mumbling, “My wife” across her mouth.

She pulled back again, and stared at him, thrilling at the way his hands clenched in her hair. She whispered, “Your wife.”

That was all he needed. He dipped his head, his mouth taking hers in a near vicious kiss. His tongue swept over the softness of hers, and he growled low and deep in his throat. When she had died, he had died with her, and while he’d gone on with his life, he was now realizing that this moment, was when he finally came back. He was a shell of himself without her, and he couldn’t allow the fear of losing her again to hold him back. “Fuck, Doc,” he panted, kissing her, and biting at her lips in desperation. “My wife…”

“Oh, G-d!” Malena gasped. Her hands fisted in his t-shirt, at the nape of his neck, pulling at it, desperate to get it off of him, and feel his skin under her fingers.

Roman knew where this was headed. They were able to go from a small flame to raging inferno within moments, so he stopped her. He held her arms by the wrists, and stared at her while breathing heavily. Releasing her hands slowly,  he ran his fingertips over her face, still in awe…still coming to terms with who was standing in front of him, and although he had already said it, he whispered, “My wife…”

“Roman…please…” she whispered, still desperate to touch him. 

“Not here, Doc. Not here, in some pay by the night, riverside hotel,” he said roughly. “You’re coming home.”

“Home?” she asked him with wide eyes. “What about your party? What about…” she paused for a moment, finding it hard to think about the other woman. “What about Isabella?”

“Fuck, Doc. I don’t know. I’ll handle it, but I’m not leaving you here,” he said. He nearly collapsed with the amount of love shining from her eyes. He’d forgotten what it felt like to be so overcome with her that he lost control. “You’re coming home,” he repeated firmly. He started looking around the room, “Where’s your stuff?”

She points to one small bag on the floor near the door. John walks over to it, scooping it up, and turns to her, holding out his hand. A smile spreads across her face slowly, as she steps forward, and takes it, “You’re taking me home.”

Roman steps up to her, invading her personal space, and kisses her again, roughly, and says, “Let’s go, Doc.”

END SCENE

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August 23, 1991 – Marlena’s First Night Home

“I see you in that robe…”

Roman walked down the hallway, taking a huge sigh, as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, and prepared to enter the guest room. He heard Marlena open the door to her room, and say in a surprised tone, “Oh, hi.”

He turns, staring at her with his t-shirt awkwardly half off, and replies lamely, “Hi.” He can’t help but stare at her. The robe she’s wearing…he thought he’d gotten rid of all of her old things, but there she was, a vision of the past standing in the doorway of the bedroom they had once shared. He pulls his shirt back over his head, and crosses the hallway to her, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. 

She smooths her hand over the pink satin, smiling at him shyly, and tells him, “I, um, found my old robe in a box in the back of the closet in here—”

“—yeah, I, uh…” his voice trailed off as he stared at her, his eyes roaming her body slowly. The curve of her hips, and the swell of her breasts under the fabric are so familiar to him. He hasn’t touched her in years, but he can still remember what she feels like under his hands. Leaning against the door frame, breathing in the clean scent of her, he tells her, “…I forgot to have the Goodwill come and pick that up, I guess.”

“Lucky for me,” Marlena says with a smile, as she tries to memorize every line of his face. 

Still staring at her, Roman pauses a moment longer than he should have, before saying sheepishly, “Yeah.”

Marlena feels the intensity of his eyes, as they roam down her body again. She asks him, “What’s the matter?”

“Matter?” Roman replies, still distracted. He wants her. He wants her so badly, and it’s torture to have her so close to him…in the same house. The scene feels so intimate, and even while he forces himself to hold back, his body is responding.

“Well, you keep…you keep looking at me so funny,” she says.

“I’m sorry, Doc. It’s just that, this is so weird. I see you in that robe, and it’s like…it’s like the good ole days.”

Her body shivers with understanding. “It’s like yesterday?” she asks him softly, referencing the other night in the seedy hotel room by the river. The night she had tried to get him to understand how she felt about returning home after five years.

“Yeah,” he says, barely able to speak, and feeling choked up. 

“Roman, it is yesterday for me,” she whispers, watching him step closer. She wants to feel him touch her so badly that she tips her head towards his fingers balanced again the doorframe. Her breath catches in her throat as they reach out, lightly playing with the loose strands of her hair. The look of want in his eyes causes her body to ache. 

Just as his finger traces over her lips, he pulls back, closing his eyes to steady himself. When he opens them, he says softly, “Goodnight, Doc.” 

“Goodnight,” she whispers, watching him sigh, and turn away from her, breaking her heart again. She couldn’t understand why he was forcing himself to hold back from something that they both so obviously wanted. Once he reaches his door, he turns to face her, continuing to stare, almost as if he can’t make a decision. So, she makes it for him, and enters her bedroom, closing the door behind her. Her body is vibrating with want, and she can feel her need centered low in her belly. Leaning her head against the door, she realizes that she’s crying.

Roman watches her closed door, as he leans in his own doorway. His cock is throbbing, and he wants so badly to go get her, but he can’t. Pushing his hand down to apply counter pressure, he continues to stare at her closed door. He can’t allow himself to do that, not when he still needs to make a decision about Isabella, but still…he approaches her door, touching the wood gently, running his fingers down the soft grain…almost as if he could touch her.

Marlena felt him. She knew he was outside her door, and the idea of him standing there, wanting her, and aching for her, only served to heighten her arousal. She rose from the bed, wearing only her lace edged nightgown, and went to the door. She places her hand on it, certain that Roman stands on the other side. Making a decision to confront him, she opens her door and steps into the hallway, just as Roman’s door closes with a soft snick.

She can’t do this any longer. She aches for him with such an intensity that it’s painful. The throbbing in her core, devastating her. Stepping across the hall, she stands outside of Roman’s door for several moments, trying to figure out what she will say if she finds it within herself to knock, but nothing comes to mind.

Inside his room, Roman tears off his shirt, running his hands over his chest briskly. He unbuttons his jeans, and pulls his socks off of his feet. His cock is so hard, he can feel the beat of his own heart, as he throbs for her. He can imagine them standing in her doorway, and him, deciding to push her into her room, and onto the bed. He hears himself moan softly with want, as he says to himself, “Fuck, Roman. Get yourself under control.” But she is his wife. He is allowed to want her. He is allowed to want that connection. He just didn’t realize it would come back so quickly. 

A soft knock sounds on his door, and he knows…if he answers the door, he won’t be able to stop himself. He won’t be able to hold back. Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he opens the door. Marlena stands there in a white satin nightgown. He can see the outline of her nipples through the sheer fabric, and his breath catches in his throat. She looks up at him, so innocent, and beautiful, but with hazel eyes bright with arousal. “Fuck, Doc…” he rasps, reaching for her with both hands, and threading his fingers into her blonde hair, roughly pulling her mouth to his.

Marlena doesn’t pause. She in’t surprised. She knew what would happen when he saw her standing there, in a nightgown that barely concealed her body. “Roman,” she moans into his mouth. His tongue sweeps in, and she feels her mouth water in response to him, sucking at his lips. His kisses are hard, making her lips feel swollen, and bruised, and all she can do is pull his hair, holding him closer, and pant out her arousal into his welcoming mouth. 

Roman pulls back, breathing hard, and looking down into her blown pupils, “Doc…”

“No. Don’t tell me we have to stop…please, don’t tell me that! I ache for you so much it hurts,” she cries, twisting her fingers into the hair on his chest. 

He can barely breath imagining how it would feel to slide his cock into her hot, moist center, but he has to think about what this will do to Isabella. “I have to think about—”

“—Please!” she begged him, refusing to back down. She wants this, and she wants him to know she wants this. “Remember what it’s like to love me, to want me…remember my taste as you run your tongue over my body…”

Roman slowly leaned forward, licking a line from her collar bone to her ear, and he growled, from the taste of her skin. Her taste explodes over his tongue, bringing everything back to him. Pulling the shoulder of her nightgown down, he bit her flesh along her collarbone, causing her to cry out in high pitched sounds of want. Unable to hold back any longer, he pulled her into his room, kicking the door shut with his foot, and pushed her roughly back against the door. “You want this?” he asked her roughly, as he stares down into her eyes.

“Oh, G-d, yes! Roman…I want you!” she said, looking up at him in obvious want. She could feel the palms of his hands moving over her hips, their heat nearly burning her through the thin fabric that covered her body.

“I’m so scared,” he murmured between kisses along her neck, and chest. “I’m so fucking scared to lose you again. I’m so fucking scared to love you again.”

She could barely gather a coherent though together, whispering, “I’m here, Roman. I’m here now…”

Fisting the fabric of her nightgown in his palms, he pulls the fabric up over her hips, and off of her body, only to be shattered when he realizes she is completely nude underneath. His hands start at her shoulders, running languidly down her form, over her breast, and her ribs, her waist, and her hips. “Fuck, Doc, you are gorgeous…”

Her fingers move to his zipper, pulling it down with a harsh sound, and then immediately she begins pushing his jeans down over his buttocks, as her fingernails dug into his flesh, causing him to hiss loudly. He doesn’t stop her, he devours her, biting at her lips, and sucking her tongue into his mouth. 

Marlena moans, “You are mine, Roman…mine…” She can’t imagine him being with anyone else, when she feels like she belongs to him so completely, and he belongs to her.

Gripping his hands under her ass, he lifts her. Marlena’s legs encircle his waist, pulling him against her so his cock rests in the seam of her pussy. The heat of her sears him, and he roars, “You’re so hot against me, baby!” She surrounds him, she consumes him, and he is so overcome he bites her neck. Hard. And he knows she will have marks on her body tomorrow. She will have bite marks, and bruises from the strength of his grip on her body.

Walking to the bed, Roman releases her, feeling the heat of her pussy slide over his cock, as her body slides to the floor. Marlena kisses him softly, whispering, “I want you.”

Roman lays on the bed, holding his hand out to her, “Come here, Doc.”

Settling herself beside him, she pulls his mouth to hers again, kissing him softly, and whispers, “Make love to me.”

And Roman whispered back, “All night long.”

END SCENE

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September 30, 1991 – That Night in San Cristobal

“You gave me what I needed, Doc…now it’s my turn.”

The room was dark, and humid, with a cool breeze blowing in from the outside. Marlena could hear the sounds of frogs, and other sounds of the jungle. It made the moment almost surreal. She held the candelabra next to Roman’s, allowing him to light the candles, and she watched the flames play over the angles of his face. A face she loved, and a face she dreamed of nightly. A face that she wanted to live with, and wake up to for the rest of her life. She continued to stare at him, as she realized it could be a face that she would loose. Pain clenched in her chest, and she pushed it down, forcing herself not to think about it right then. 

“It’s a good thing we found these candles,” she said quietly, looking around the dim interior of the room nervously. “Or we’d be stuck here…in the dark all night…”

Roman could hear the wariness in her voice. Her quiet fear of dark places coming back to haunt her. Placing his candelabra of the other side of the room, he crossed over, and eased up behind her, sliding his warm hands onto her waist. Leaning towards her ear, his breath brushed over her hair, when he whispered, “Hey…hey.” He could feel her jump at his touch, and then shiver as his hands settled more firmly on her hips, squeezing slightly. He settled himself against her back solidly, and moving to the other side of her face, he said, “Hey.”

Marlena tipped her head toward him, averting his eyes, because making eye contact would give away her true feelings. She replied, “I’m okay…Just the thought of being here at…night.”

He could see the glint of tears in her eyes, and feel her deep intake of breath against his chest, as he leaned over her back. He lifted one hand from her hip, to softly play with her hair, as it fell over her shoulder. Lifting a tendril to his nose, he inhaled deeply. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s different,” he said softly. “This time you’re not alone.”

Marlena smiled at his words, turning her face to look at him, but then her eyes fall to his mouth, and the tender curve of his lips. So soft, so pillowy…she looked back into his eyes, andmsaid, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Roman felt the clench of his body low in his belly. Her scent was drawing him in. A mixture of lilacs, and sweat from a hard day. To lighten the moment, he replied, “You’d probably be alone.”

Marlena took in an awkward breath, and gave a short chuckle. Her head briefly fell back on him, but she pulled back. He hadn’t definitively made a decision about Isabella and she didn’t want to pressure him. It was easy to fall into him, but she didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on him…and yet, she’s his wife, and he’s her husband. If he chose Isabella, he’d have to divorce her, and the pain that would cause her, might be too much.

“I don’t think you realize how brave you really are, Doc,” Roman said. “Coming all this way to face down those memories.”

Looking up at him, she whispered, “I had too.”

“Because you care about me…it’s the only reason you’re really here. I know that…even though I don’t say it sometimes,” Roman said stepping closer to her, and touching her face gently. She was so beautiful, but it was so much more than that. She was kind, and her love for him was so pure. 

“I’d do anything for you,” she whispered, staring up into his eyes. “I mean that.”

“I know it,” he said, barely audible. He felt his body clench again, in response to her close proximity. In response to the way she was looking at him, inviting him closer with her eyes, with the tone of her voice. He said softly, “It works both ways.”

She felt her heart begin to beat faster, and the rise and fall of butterflies, as she whispered, “Does it?”

Roman’s hand touched her face gently, almost reverently, “You’re only here, because I needed to be. You gave me what I needed, Doc.” He stepped closer, running his thumb gently over her bottom lip, saying so softly she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly, “It’s my turn.”

Her heart beat in staccato, feeling as if she could feel it in her throat, as she looked up at him, and asked him, barely daring to hope, “To do what?”

Roman was overcome watching the candle light play over her skin, and the softness of her lips under his finger made him want more. Since he’d kissed her on the beach in Miami, his decision had been made. He wanted her. Not just for a moment. He wanted her for the rest of their lives. He’d made a commitment to her, not one, but twice. She was the love of his life, and that overshadowed everything. Everything. “I’m going to give you what you need…” he said, kissing her softly, and brushing a strand of her hair back over her shoulder. “I know you’re scared…to be here. To be searching for the answers about what happened to you, but I’m here with you. I’m going to give you what you need.”

Marlena watched him, intent on what he would do next, and she said thickly, “I need you.” Her hands slid up the front of his biceps, squeezing him, and she whispered again, “I need you, Roman.”

She was always so strong, acting as if she could handle anything, but he saw it in her eyes. It was just a show. “Why didn’t you say something, Doc?”

She was confused, “About what?”

“Why didn’t you push me? Why didn’t you tell me what you needed?”

“You…you love Isabella…you had plans to marry Isabella. I wanted to give you time,” she said looking down.

“Fuck time, Doc! I don’t need time, baby…I need you. Since last night, in Miami, you have filled my thoughts. You have filled my senses. I don’t need time,” he mumbled over her lips. “I need you…” he said, running his fingers over the soft slope of her neck. “I need you,” he whispered.

“I need you,” she said with tears in her voice. “But, I didn’t want to pressure you.”

Roman kissed her again, “I’ve made my choice. I made my choice when I married you. Kissing you last night, baby…it was so natural. I didn’t even think about it. I did it, and I was so surprised, but I shouldn’t have been, because you…you are the other half of my soul.”

Her fingers traced over his ears, and down along his neck, and she whimpered, “I want you so much. I want to touch you.” Reaching to the zipper on his coveralls, he pulled it down, exposing his chest to the rapidly cooling air in the room. Marlena stared at Roman’s exposed skin, stepping forward, and running her palms over him with a sigh, while she pushed it off of his shoulders. “I’ve missed you so much. Are you sure?” she asked, looking up at him.

Roman grabbed her wrists, pulling them up high on his chest, and he said, roughly, “Are you sure?”

“Yes…oh, yes, I’m sure,” she told him, feeling her center clench with want. She looked down, watching his hands release her, and reach for her zipper. She felt tension wrack her body with shivers, when Roman roughly pushed her coveralls off of her shoulders, and pulled her forward, leaving her arms confined. 

Marlena gasped in his face hotly, staring up at him with undisguised longing, and Roman groaned, “You having fucking ruined me for anyone else, Doc. When I am near you…fuck…you take over my mind.” His mouth took hers, biting and nipping at her lips, all the while holding her arms back, and she cried with wanting him. 

“Please, Roman! Oh, G-d, please…let me touch you,” she said breathily.

Releasing her arms, Roman watched her reach down to the hem of her tank top, and pull it over her head. The skin between her breasts had a fine sheen of sweat, and without thought, he compulsively leaned down, licking a long line up her cleavage. “You taste so damned good…” he said. Reaching for the front clasp on her bra, he freed her breasts, and almost came in his pants like a teenage boy. She was enchanting, wanton, standing in front of him half clothed, her breasts exposed to the cool night air. Roman roughly cupped one of them, pulling it up to his lips, and groaned while sucking her nipple into his mouth with so much force she cried out. Her other nipple was assaulted by the aggressive pulling and rolling of his fingers, causing her body to arch into his touch, silently begging for more.

“Roman!” she screamed out, into the silence of the jungle, and Roman wanted to hear more.

“Scream, Doc! No one can hear you, but me, and I want it all,” he told her, biting the skin of her neck roughly, and then nipping and biting his way along her collarbone. “I want it all, baby. All of your sounds, your cries, and your moans…all of it!”

Her eyes roll back briefly, as she cries out, “Oh, G-d! Roman!” She can feel his rough, calloused palms pushing her clothing down, over her hips, and then grabbing her bare ass, squeezing her flesh, and pulling her up against him onto her toes. Threading her fingers through the hair on his chest, she pulled it, hard, digging her nails into him. “I love you,” she whispered desperately. “I love you, Roman.”

“Doc, baby, you’re mine. You’ve always been mine, even when I thought I’d lost you forever…you still owned my heart,” Roman told her. “I love you…I want you…”

Marlena felt her knees hit the edge of the bed, and she fell back with a thud, pulling Roman down with her. Both of them finish kicking off their clothes, and nearly sigh in relief, when they came back together. “Baby, Doc…you feel so good…I can’t believe…” he couldn’t finish what he was saying. His hands held her face in his hands, and his eyes captured hers, but he couldn’t speak. The tears were rising in his eyes, and his voice was gone.

Marlena knew what he was thinking, she could read it in his eyes, “I’m home. When I am with you, I’m home. You are my heart. My safe space. You are mine, Roman…and I am yours…no matter what.”

“No matter what,” he whispered, touching her lips softly. And when he slid into her warm, welcoming body, he held her close, wanting to never forget this moment, because she was right. Being with her, he was home.

END SCENE

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December 11, 1991 – The Mexico Conversation

“Isabella’s pregnant…”

“I would have told you this earlier, but I just found out myself. It’s taken a couple days to really sink in…Isabella’s pregnant,” John said. His gut rolled, and he could barely make eye contact with Marlena, his guilt was so strong. Even though Isabella’s pregnancy had happened before Marlena returned, he felt like he’d cheated on her when Isabella told him. He should have been happy. Wasn’t he supposed to feel happy? he wondered.

Marlena felt like her heart was being wrenched from her body, as she stared at him blankly. She had to force herself to remain calm. Stay calm, she told herself.  She had to control the feelings of loss. She couldn’t allow John to see that. “Of course she is,” Marlena said softly.

“You knew?”

“The nausea? Dizziness? I, uh…tried real hard not to know it,” she said, turning away from him. She wrapped her arms around her midriff, as if she could keep herself upright, when all she wanted to do was collapse. She heard John’s voice from behind her.

“Yeah, she thought you might be suspicious,” he said. “So what do you think? Clue me in.” He needed to know how she was feeling, because he felt like his heart was being torn in two. He was going to lose Marlena, and while he could keep half of his heart…she was going to keep the other half.

Lie. Lie. She had to lie, because the truth was too much. Roman had been imprisoned for seven years. He deserved a chance. Isabella was pregnant. She deserved a chance. Lie, she told herself. “I think…” she said, turning around to face him again, with her schooled expression. “Isabella being pregnant…is wonderful…”

John looked at her, and he knew she was lying. She’d never been able to lie to him, but he gave her the response she was looking for, because, he could lie, too. “Yeah…Roman finding his way out of that hellhole and back to you, Eric, and Sami, is wonderful. Everything is wonderful, if you can forget one thing…” Marlena waited, desperate for him to say it, because while it hung in the air unspoken, she knew he loved her. Instead he said, “Oh, man…this is crazy. I don’t have any memories of my own, and the one I do have I’m supposed to forget!”

“No! Don’t forget it…don’t forget it,” she said from behind him. “Don’t forget…” He could hear the tears in her voice, as she continued, “Just think of this as…a journey…and this was a place that you stopped…along the way. And then you moved on.” 

He could feel the heat of her hand as it slid over his shoulder. She was crying. Even though his back was to her, he could feel the emotion rolling off of her. Why were they doing this? Forcing himself to respond he said, “Yeah, that’s probably it.”

When John turned to face her, she plastered a smile on her face, saying, “I make sound simple, don’t I?”

There is was again. She was lying. Why were they lying? he wondered. He couldn’t fake it, telling her, “Too simple.” John reached for her hand, unable to keep himself from touching her any longer. This hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. All he can do is look at her, and play along, saying, “I loved you”, while thinking to himself that he still loves her.

The tears are falling freely from her eyes, as she stares at their intertwined fingers, before looking up at him, and saying, “I loved you…” She pauses, and then said, “Love you…”

He couldn’t take it anymore, because love, love shouldn’t hurt this much. “Doc? If you love me, why are we doing this?”

She stared at him, at a loss for how to respond. She found herself fumbling over her words, “I—Roman was…Isabella is…”

Tugging on her hand, he pulled her one step closer, “What about us?”

“I don’t understand,” she whispered. But she did understand. What they are doing was wrong. It was wrong to make decisions because Isabella was pregnant and Roman went through so much. She knew that, but the fall-out if they didn’t…the things people will think…the things people might say. 

“Don’t you?” he asked her, stepping closer. “Doc, when I kissed you on the beach in Miami, my mind was made up! It was you. It was going to be you, and then Roman found us, and everything went to hell! It’s not fair!”

Marlena was confused. He wanted her? Her heart started beating so hard, she could feel her pulse, low in her belly. Looking up at him, with hopeful eyes, she whispered, “John…what are you saying?”

“Fuck, Doc…it’s not that easy. At least not for me. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can say goodbye to you right now, and leave Mexico with Isabella. I don’t know if I can make a life with her, when every time I see you, I’ll be wishing I’d made a life with you!” John said, pulling her another step closer.

Her body came flush with his, as she stared up into his deep blue eyes, “John…I…”

“What do you want, Doc? Do you want me to walk out that door, and leave you behind? Is that what you want? Because it’s not what I want!”

“What do you want?”

John’s arm wrapped her her waist, jerking her body against his, and his hand threaded into her hair, pulling her head back, forcing her to look at him, “I want you. I want us.”

She gasped when his fingers tightened in her hair causing shivers to wrack her body. She was inflamed with him, but the guilt…the guilt over Roman and Isabella. John’s fingers tightened in her hair even more, and he said roughly, “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” she whispered.

“Don’t think about them. What do you want, Doc? For once in your life, what do you want?”

She was afraid to take that step. She was afraid to reach for something solely because she was being selfish, but John was right. What kind of life would she have if she was with Roman out of pity? Staring into his eyes, she whispered, “You.” There was no other answer to give him.

Still clenching her hair in his fist, John’s mouth took hers fiercely. Marlena whined into his mouth, pushing him further. His tongue licked into her, finding hers, and sweeping over it. He sucked at her lips, and bit the corner of her mouth, moaning, “I can’t give you up, baby. I won’t.”

“Oh, G-d! John what are we going to do?” she said, fisting his shirt in her hands, and hanging from him breathlessly. “What are we going to do?”

“I’m going to tell Isabella that I will take care of our child, but I can’t be with her when I love you this way. I’m going to tell her the truth,” he said, resting his forehead on hers, and looking into her eyes. “And you…you can’t be with Roman, just because the last seven years have been difficult. He’s too proud to accept that.”

“I know. I know. I know,” she said softly. “You’re right…when I came home, it was to you. Your face, your mind…your soul. We have to tell them the truth.”

“I love you, Doc. I love you so much,” he whispered, kissing her again softly.

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

February 1, 1993 – The Teddy Bear Return at the Loft

“You have to leave now…”

Pulling the loft door open, he found himself face to face with Marlena. He stared at her with Brady in his arms and stared at her helplessly. He wanted to grab her, pull her forward, and kiss her. All he could manage to do was whisper, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Marlena whispers back, while staring at him, clutching Brady’s teddy bear like a lifeline to her sanity. John looks her over, and realizes she’s still dressed like she was earlier, when he ran into her at Chez Vous. The amethyst earrings shining through the curls in her hair, and her purple dress peeking from under the hem of her black coat.  

She finally holds up the teddy bear, and says lamely, “I was afraid Brady couldn’t sleep without this guy…You left him…over at the pub.”

“Well, I’m always leaving something behind…” John says with a slight drawl to his words. Those words meaning so much more to both of them, then just a lost, and forgotten teddy bear.

“That happens with a baby. There’s so much to carry.” 

“Yeah,” he says. 

She continues, “Well…that was why I came by, just to bring this back to you.” She hands John the teddy bear, as Brady throws his toy on the ground, and Marlena laughs. The sound of her laugh, causing a reaction in his body. “Well…I don’t know why I thought I needed an excuse…I wish I could just stand here, and look at you, and tell you…and tell you…” She can’t continue as their eyes lock for a moment, and her voice trails off.

John sighs deeply, and says, “Doc, come in. Let me put Brady down for the night and we can talk.”

She steps in, the scent of her perfume overwhelming him as she walks by. Closing the loft door he says, “Give me a few minutes.”

“Okay,” she says, staring at him.

Twenty minutes later, John descended his stairs, his eyes roaming Marlena’s body and she stood waiting for him. She still wore her coat, and she twisted her hands nervously. John asked her quietly, “Would you like to sit?”

“No, I can’t stay.”

“Where’s Roman?” John asks her abruptly, changing the subject. His barely reigned in frustration is threatening to make him do something they will both regret, and bringing up Roman is a ‘safe’ subject. Bringing up Roman allows them both to remember that they have very clear boundaries that they cannot cross. Boundaries that his mind is crossing in every sexy scenario it can muster at the moment. 

Marlena studies him, and pauses for a moment before she answers him, “Roman had a lead on the man who shot Abe.”

“That’s great, that’s great…he’ll get him…” John’s voice trailed off, and the awkward silence that followed was deafening.

Marlena finally said, “That isn’t why I came by…I need to know the reason why you’re leaving town—”

“I explained all that at the pub.”

“The official reason, yes, I know, but not the real—”

“—you know the real reason, Doc,” John replies with emphasis. He is instantly struck by a desire so strong that he almost reaches for her…again. Instead he stares into her eyes for a moment, reading something there that made him even more nervous…desperation. 

“Alright then. Maybe I just need to hear it,” she said.

“What’s the point? What goods it going to do? What the—what…” he can’t even continue, he’s so overwhelmed with her. He finally says very quietly, “You have to leave now. We shouldn’t even be having this conversation. I don’t even trust myself alone with you. Let yourself out.” He turns, and walks upstairs, leaving Marlena alone. 

Marlena watches him go, and her heart breaks a little more. “I can’t go,” she whispers to herself. “Oh, G-d, I wish I had the wisdom that I have with my patients. You know, I-I can just tell them that they need to take responsibility for their lives, and they have to gain control, and…control is very important, you know…” she finishes as her voice trails off, unsure of what she’s trying to convince herself of. She spins towards the stairs where John exited, staring up them, and gasping for air again, as she whispers, “It’s just that I get over…here…and I can’t control these feelings that I have for John.” Continuing to look up the stairs, she says, “I can’t even leave, and I know I should.” She slowly unbuttons her coat, lays it gently on the arm of the sofa, and follows the path that John took up the stairs. 

John runs his fingers through his hair roughly as he walks into his bedroom. Ripping his shirt over his head, and kicking off his shoes, he waits to hear the sound of the loft door closing. He’s frustrated, angry, and his heart is breaking into a million, tiny, little, shards. John rummages through his dresser drawer looking for a pair of sweatpants, and unbuttons his jean, still listening for the sound of the loft door closing. He feels as if he can’t breath, his chest is so tight with pent up emotion.  This pain he feels is going to settle in, and stay. Sitting on the edge of his bed he removes his socks…but still the sound of the door closing on his life with Marlena never comes.

After Mexico last year, when he left with Isabella and Marlena left with Roman…this pain is what he left with. It had stayed with him for months, maybe it never left. Every time he saw her in passing, every time they spoke, it came back fresh, and new. He would struggle to push it back, and put a smile on his face. He’d forced himself to engage in polite conversation, and idle chit chat, just to keep Marlena in his life, because, as much as seeing her hurt…not seeing her was never an option. 

John rolls his head from side to side, stands up from the bed, and begins his pacing again. “Did she leave?” He starts talking to himself as a distraction, “I have to calm down. She’ll leave…she will, but until she does, I have to stay away from her. Stay upstairs. Don’t check to see if she’s—”

As soon as she appears in the doorway to his bedroom, John feels her, even with his back to her, he feels her. Turning to face her he realizes that she’s a mess. She’s been crying, her hair is in disarray…and she’s looking at him as if she’s just lost her best friend. Maybe she has. But what really strikes him is the honesty in her eyes. After weeks of denial and refusal to discuss what was happening between them, John finally sees her heart. She loves him.

He wants her so badly. The impulse to latch on to her, and throw them both to the bed is barely controllable. This is probably why he shouldn’t drink. John’s breathing picks up, his breaths becoming harsher. He feels himself growing hard, and begins clenching his fists to keep himself from grabbing her. She feels too close to him, so he steps back, almost hitting the wall behind him, even though they are on opposite sides of the room. He wants her so badly it’s becoming painful. He practically growls at her, saying, “You need to be with your husband. Please. You have to leave. Right now.”

But she can’t. Marlena knows why he’s clenching his fists, why he stepped back from her. She likes knowing that he is so close to losing what little control he has left. She knows, and that knowledge, combined with her desperation to hold onto him…is pushing her to act. She’s so scared that he’s going to leave her forever, and take what little bit of himself she’s allowed…and then she’ll be lost. 

“John…I can’t,” she cries. She knows he’s pushing her away before they do something they might regret, but the more she thinks about what her life is, versus what it could be, she’s not so sure she would regret it. She wants to see how far she can push him before he acts, so she steps into the middle of the room, near the foot of his bed. She intentionally runs her eyes over his half-naked form, taking in his unbuttoned jeans, his obvious erection, and his bare feet. She watches as he shivers, and the muscles in his abdomen tremble. John just stares at her, breathing hard, almost moaning aloud, his body visibly tense. Having her in his bedroom, and remembering their life together, his love for her, and the passion they shared, is almost his undoing.

Her scents invade his mind, and almost strip him of his breath. In her face, he sees fear, pain, loneliness, heartbreak, and desire. Desire. Marlena makes no attempt to hide her emotions, laying her soul bare for him to read. “Doc…” he groans feeling his cock get even harder in the tight confines of his jeans, “you have to leave…”

She holds her hand out to him, tears streaming down her soft cheeks, “Please don’t make me leave, John…please…”

He stares at her hand for a moment, and then back to her teary eyes. “If I so much as even touch you…” he says with barely restrained arousal as she continues to hold out her hand. “I won’t stop, Doc. I won’t be able to…fuck, Doc, I’ve barely been able to hold myself in check for weeks…so I’m asking you, I’m begging you, to leave…before I—before we, do something we will wish we hadn’t done later. I can’t bear to see regret in your eyes. I think that would break me completely.”

Marlena dropped her hand to her side. She gazed on his tense face, struggling to maintain control, and then she looked at his lips, and she said softly, moving one step closer, “I don’t know that I would regret it.” She licks over her lips, and that little peek of the tip of her pink tongue changes everything.

Time stopped and rushed forward at the same time. John moved to meet her, slamming their bodies together, and threading his fingers into her hair, pulling her head back, and crushing his lips to hers. The force of his actions caused her to whimper and moan from shock, and arousal. His mouth pulls at her, biting and sucking for several long moments. Marlena’s sharp gasps filling the otherwise silent room. 

John pulls back, licking his lips, and staring into her hazel eyes, “Fuck, Doc! You taste like a million memories.” His lips found her neck, and bit into her roughly, licking over the sting he left behind. He was going to leave marks on her body, and he couldn’t stop himself. He had an almost primal desire to claim her, and mark her as his. He wanted to leave marks that she would have to find a way to hide. His body was thrumming with tension as Marlena’s high pitched mewling sounds rang in his ears. Her hands pulled at his hair roughly, pulling his mouth back to hers, and biting at his lips. It was a kiss that consumed them. They lost track of where one ended and the other began. She never wanted it to end. Kissing John was like coming home.

John almost roared when Marlena pulled back, kicked off her heels, and started trying to quickly unfasten the belt on her jacket. He reached for her, gripping her belt, and pulling her forward. He finished unfastening it and dropped it to the floor. In his haste to undo the buttons on the rest of her clothing, one or two flew to the floor with a clatter. Her skin, was all he could think of. He had to get to her skin, because she was digging her fingernails into his, and all he could think about was the way her naked skin would feel against his chest. John pushed her jacket to the floor, pushing her arms back, and staring down into her face. She stared up at him, her eyes half-lidded, looking well kissed, and dazed when she whispered, “I love you.”

“G-d, Doc, you know I love you,” John rasped leaning forward, grabbing her head in his hands, and kissing her fiercely. He pushed her skirt off of her hips, and it dropped to the floor, leaving her standing there in a creamy white satin teddy, and thigh high stockings. His hands grabbed at her again, roughly, pulling her body back into his, and the heat of her caused him to moan out loud. Marlena’s mouth began to kiss, and suck at his neck, and shoulder, licking up behind his ear. His cock got harder, and more painful…but the pain was so good. John’s warm hands traveled down her back, and over her buttocks, pushing the soft satiny material up when his hands came back for another pass. His hips ground into her soft belly, and he’s again struck by the taste of her mouth. The softness of her tongue brushing his, and her soft little gasps of breath across his lips. He’s afraid he going to wake tomorrow, and find that this is all a drunken dream…just as he’s done hundreds of times before. He bites at her neck again, and licks a long path up to her jaw, causing her to cry out. 

Marlena frantically reaches for John’s jeans, trying to push the zipper down. John steps back, quickly removing them, and pulls her body back to him, holding her so closely that her back bows a little, and her breasts jut out. Looking into her lust filled eyes, and licking along her lips, he bit the edge of her mouth, and groaned, grinding his cock into her again. “Oh, John..John…” Marlena gasped trying to push his boxer briefs down over his hips. “Please…please…” She incoherent in her words, just a jumbled mass, but the point was very clear. He finished pushing his boxer briefs off of his body, and allowed them to drop to the floor, his cock springing up to brush across the silky fabric covering her body. 

Marlena’s nipples jutted out from her obvious arousal, and John licked across the satin fabric covering them. He blew across it gently watching as the wetness and the cold caused it to tighten, and pebble further. He leaned in, and took her whole nipple into his mouth, fabric and all, and sucked frantically for long moments, occasionally biting the tip, finally pulling back with a pop, and then leaning back in to bite at it gently. Marlena cried out again, “John, please!”

John tore the straps of her teddy down off of her shoulders, and pushed it to her waist. Laying her on the bed, he hovered over her, and licked, and bit at her breasts. Running his hot tongue along the underside of one breast, he says to her, “Please what, Doc? What do you want?”

Her head rolled to the side, and she looked back at him gasping, “I want you, John…just you…please…”

“You’re mouth tastes the same, Doc…does your pussy?” he asked as he licked a path along her belly to her navel.

“Oh, G-d! John!” Marlena moaned, her hips bucking up toward his mouth, as John pulled the teddy the rest of the way off of her body, and slowly licked along her slit. She laced her fingers into his hair, and pulled him closer, gasping with soft little pants. John spread her legs wide, and pushed them open. He made love to her with his mouth, kissing, and biting his way along her lips until he reached her clit. He flicked it roughly with his tongue, and then sucked it into his mouth, pulling, and tugging. John remembered her body so well, and in a matter of moments Marlena crashed into the waves of her climax, screaming John’s name. 

Before she even had a chance to come down, John sat back on his haunches, and pulled her up to straddle him. She loosely wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. Their lips crashed together, her essence, and whiskey, all she could could taste, as his tongue swept into her mouth. John groaned as Marlena moved her hips back, and forth sliding her wet pussy along his cock. The heavenly friction was enough to make him cum right then.

“Doc, fuck, you’re killing me!” John exclaimed as he lifted Marlena up and slid back to sit against the headboard. He pulled her back down onto him, and slipped inside her welcoming heat, moaning loudly, and biting at her neck again. With both arms wrapped tightly around her body, holding her so close she couldn’t move, he began rocking his hips gently. “I wish I could melt into you, Doc. I love you so much…”

Marlena’s head rested on John’s shoulder, her fingers holding tightly to his hair, as she slowly climbed toward another orgasm. She kissed his neck softly, her frantic, breathy pants brushing over his ear. The sounds of their harsh breathing filled the room, and John drove his cock harder into her, fiercely rocking their bodies together. He was bringing them both to the edge again, and just as Marlena gasped, “John, oh, G-d, John…I’m coming again—” John was hit with the force of an orgasm that caused his vision to go black as he threw his head back, and roared. 

Several moments later, Marlena’s body still rested in John’s arms. His cock, still semi-hard, was inside her as she wrapped herself tighter around him, and whispered, “I love you.”

“You can’t love me, Doc,” he whispered back, kissing her shoulder. “As much I want to hear that…”

“I’m going to tell Roman…tonight. I love you. I’m in love with you,” she says quietly kissing his neck, her head still lying on his shoulder. “I’ve been dying inside…ever since Mexico. Losing you almost broke me, and every day, I’ve died a little more…” John felt her silent tears on his shoulder. “I can’t keep pretending I’m happy…just to keep other people happy. Roman is barely home. When he is home, we argue because he wants me to be something…someone, that I used to be. But I’m not her anymore…not since I fell in love with you…”

John is silent as he holds her, and gently touches her skin, and her hair. He breaths in her scent, which hasn’t changed over the years. His heart beats faster at her words, but he’s scared…scared she’ll change her mind…until she lifts her head up to look at him with a soft smile, touching his cheek, and says, “Get this—you’re stuck with me. I made my decision before I walked up those stairs.”

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

February 15, 1993 – The Drive Home After the $100,000 Dance

“Any terms you want…”

John watched her as she exited the building. The lithe way her hips moved, and the grace with which she carried herself. He was half-hard just watching her. He’d been waiting for her, which he knew was extreme, but she refused to talk to him about what they’d done on Victor’s jet the night before, and they couldn’t ignore it. They couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened, and he was tired of her shutting him out. Determined to get time with her, he stepped out of his vehicle, just as he heard her ask the valet to call a taxi.

She saw him approach, and sighed heavily, when John said, “I’ll drive you.”

“No, I’m taking a taxi,” Marlena said calmly.

“I will drive you.”

“I said, I’m taking a taxi. Stop doing this to me,” she practically hissed at him. They were in public, and she briefly glanced around to see if anyone was watching them, before trying to step away.

John grabbed her arm, pulling her back roughly, saying smugly, “People are going to wonder what’s going on, if we stand out here and argue.” Marlena looks around slowly, as he continues, “Besides that, you’re going to catch your death of cold out here in this weather…waiting for a taxi.”

She shrugs off his hand, and whispers, “Alright. Fine. Thank you. You may take me home as long as you go straight home. No detours. No stops.” She knew this was a bad idea, but she couldn’t continue to stand out here on the street, and publicly argue with John. His response did nothing to reassure her, that he would comply with her request.

“Get in now,” he said, and Marlena felt her core clench in response to his forcefulness. She started walking towards the car, desperate to get this over with, and he cut her off, stepping into her personal space to open the car door for her. His scent invaded her senses, and she thought she might fall at his feet right there.

Once she was inside the SUV, she couldn’t escape him. The smell of his cologne, mixed with a scent that was naturally, John. In her attempt to avoid a public display, she had walked right into the lion’s den. John started driving, pulling out of the parking lot slowly, and she knew she was trapped for the duration. 

Looking over at her, John said, “I think we need to talk about what we’re going to do.”

“We’re not going to do anything. Nothing at all,” she said firmly, determined that what they had done last night was a mistake that would never happen again. She couldn’t let it happen again. 

“Alright, now let’s get realistic—”

“—you know what? I feel like you’re pursuing me!” she said, her anger rising. She was angry that he wouldn’t forget it happened, and she was angry because she didn’t want him to.

“Maybe, I can’t help myself—”

“—help yourself! Just help yourself!” she said loudly.

“I wish I could, Doc! I can’t.”

“Well, look, I feel like I’m being taken advantage of here. You know that I was feeling…very weak, on the airplane, before—”

“—we made love?” he finished for her. He glanced over at her, “No, Doc, you were being honest. It was very refreshing. I didn’t think you were being weak at all.”

“Well, I was! You’re wrong, I was weak! I just never should have allowed my self to…give into my emotions. Especially not to act on them,” she said. Marlena had been fighting against her feelings for John since their return from Mexico, and Roman’s constant dissatisfaction was pushing her further, and further away, but this…with John, it had to end. Desperate to put the blame somewhere she said, “But, I do feel that you’re putting me in the same kind of position that I was in—”

“—no! Now you’ve got me wrong, Doc. All I wanna do is talk. That’s all—” 

“—we’re friends! We agreed to be friends—” she said in desperation.

“—I know what we agreed to, but…I said goodbye to Isabella tonight. I took off the ring. I experienced a great sense of loss. I don’t like to lose, and I don’t want to lose again!” he told her.

“I’m not yours to lose! Not anymore—”

“—we’ve got a lot to talk about, don’t we—”

“—it’s over for us! We have discussed that!” she said in frustration.

“No! You’ve discussed that! I’m still thinking about it!” John said loudly. Marlena clenched her teeth in frustration, turning to look out the window at the houses they passed. “I—I look a long, hard look at myself tonight, and I realized, no matter who shares my life with me, who is in my future, Isabella will live on in a corner of my heart. She’s very special. She’s very important—”

“—that’s the way that it should be—”

“—but I also realized something else tonight, Doc. I am in love with you.”

“John…” she whispered, wanting him to stop this torture, even while her heart soared at the knowledge.

“I’m in love with you, Doc.”

“Don’t say that—”

“—we can’t run from that—”

“—no!” she yelled,

“—it’s the truth!” he shouted back, reaching for her hand. “I love you,” he said, and before she could say anything he said, “You love me!” John watched as her face changed from denial, to reluctant acceptance. She did love him. He said softly running his thumb over her palm, “Yeah. Those are the facts.”

John pulled up in front of Marlena’s house, noting that Roman wasn’t home yet. She felt herself becoming overwhelmed. He was right. She loved him. She couldn’t deny that, but she had to stop this. She was married to Roman. She unbuckled her seatbelt quickly, but before she could exit the vehicle, John was outside her door opening it.

“This conversation isn’t over,” he said.

Marlena said softly, as she walked towards the house, “I don’t want to hear anymore.”

John followed her, “You’re going to hear me out.”

She looked around, afraid that her neighbors would see her arguing with him. “John, you have to leave!”

“I’m not leaving, Doc, so you might as well let me in the damn house,” he said in low tones.

It was a bad idea. Roman wasn’t home. The children were at the pub. She would be alone, away from prying eyes, with the one temptation that she had proven to herself she couldn’t deny. “John!”

“Open the fucking door, Doc.”

Marlena found herself listening to him, and unlocking her door. Stepping inside, he followed closely behind her. She spun around, now that they were in the seclusion of her home, and she cried, “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Why are you denying what is so obviously true?”

“What?” She asked him.

“You’re not in love with Roman, Doc…you love me!”

She started crying, standing by her closed front door with her coat still on, and her purse and her keys in her hands. John watched her, and guilt washed over him. Stepping closer he wiped the tears from her face and, whispered, “Okay. It’s okay…I—I swear I won’t chase you anymore, Doc.”

With tear filled eyes she looked up at him, and felt such loss. If this was what she wanted, why did she feel like she was losing him all over again? Why did this hurt so badly?

“I promise…I’ll stop telling you how much I love you,” he whispered, staring into her hazel eyes. “But I will tell you this much, not a day will go by in my life, that I won’t spend thinking about you…or wanting you…”

“John!” she cried, tossing her purse and keys on the table beside her, and shoving away from him to remove her coat. “You have to leave! This hurts too much.” Looking at him one last time, she says, “Please! I can’t…I can’t…”

John watched as she flew up the stairs, leaving him alone, and expecting him to let himself out. The telephone rang, and John listened as the answering machine picked up. “Doc, hey it looks like I’m going to be tied up here at the office with Bo all night. Don’t wait up. I’ll see you in the morning.” John stared at the telephone, and unbuttoned his coat, laying it over the back of the couch. He could’t leave her like this, upset and all alone. His feet tread softly up the stairs. 

Roman wasn’t coming home. She’d heard what he’d said, and she knew before she even turned around, that John stood in the doorway to her bedroom. He’d been in here last night to try and talk to her, but there had been other people in the house. This time felt…dangerous. “Doc, baby…don’t cry…”

“I can’t keep fighting you on this!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…but it feels so right. Don’t you feel it?”

She sobbed harder, unable to answer him, but she knew in her heart that he was right. None of it mattered, though, because she was married to Roman. “John—”

“—I’ll go, Doc. But I need to say this first. The memory of making love to you is burned into my brain. I won’t forget it…and I’ll never stop wanting to make love to you—”

“—please don’t do this to me!” she cried. Marlena felt herself breaking down. She did love him. She did want him, and she was weakening because his arguments were valid.

He stepped closer to her, “All I want you to know is, if and when the time comes that you do want me…you just come to me. I’ll take you on whatever terms you ask.”

“I have to be loyal to Roman…I have to be—” she said, trying to convince herself to stay on track.

“I know that, and I can live with that if I have too,” he said softly. His thumb reached up, tracing over her bottom lip, as he whispered to her, “You know, Doc, if you were single…or married to any man other than Roman…I would ask you to betray him right now, and forever.”

“Oh, G-d!” she said, staring up at him, as his thumb roughly dragged over her lip again. 

“Tell me to leave, Doc.”

“I can’t,” she whispered.

“Tell me to walk out that door and never look back,” he told her.

“I—I can’t…”

“Why? Say it. Tell me why,” he demanded, stepping even closer.

“Because I love you,” she said.

John’s hands threaded into her hair, as he said, “That’s fucking right you do.” His mouth devoured her. There was no other way to describe what happened. She had gone from begging him to leave, to clinging to him while he kissed her senseless. “Fuck, Doc, you positively destroy me!”

“Oh, G-d!” she gasped between searing kisses. “What are we going to do? What are we going to do?”

John looked into her eyes, and said, “I’ll give you time. I will, but I’m not letting you go. You’re mine. Do you hear me?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“You’re mine. Say it!” he told her forcefully.

“I’m yours,” she said breathlessly.

“Damn fucking right, baby…you’re mine,” he said, before leaning down and roughly pulling her body back to his and kissing her with all of the passion he possessed.

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

March 22, 1993 – The “I feel jealous” Scene

“Did you…make love to Rebecca?” Marlena asked John softly.

“Yes,” he said. “Does—does it bother you that I…was with Rebecca?”

Marlena quickly replied, “That’s none of my business—”

“—no. That’s not what I asked you,” John said stepping closer, trying to read what was going on in her eyes. 

“It bother’s me…it bother’s me…to know that you were with her, the same way that you were with me,” she said. In fact, her heart was breaking. It had been since she had found Rebecca wearing John’s shirt answering the door to his loft. It had been since John came to that same door shirtless. She said, “…and it’s dangerous.”

Marlena turns away from him, but John can’t let this go. “No. Nah, I don’t think so,” he said, stepping up behind her. “You see, I need to know how you feel, Doc.”

“I feel…jealous,” she said softly, turning her head slightly towards him. John reaches for her running his hand over her shoulder. She said, “I feel jealous, and I feel…” Turning back to face him, she says, “…part of me feels…glad that you have someone in your life. Does that make any sense to you?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, but he doesn’t really feel that way. He’s simply agreeing to assuage her feelings of guilt. 

“I have Roman. I know how hard that’s been for you.”

“As you can see, I’ve been trying—”

“—I know you have,” she replies.

“Yeah.”

“But, you know what? You—you shouldn’t be alone,” she says, with tears welling up in her eyes. “So if…if Rebecca makes you happy, then you…you should have Rebecca.” She could barely manage to get the words out, because she didn’t mean any of them.

“Rebecca is…Rebecca is good company. Like I said, I’ve been trying. That’s—that’s…hey, all I can promise,” he said with the saddest smile she’d ever seen on his face. She was standing there with him, tears streaming down her face, and telling him she was happy he was moving on, but the tears said she wasn’t. “Doc…why are you crying?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered.

He stood directly in front of her, his fingers tipping her chin up, so she looked into his eyes, and he said, “You do know why.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ve made my decision. I’ve made my commitment…”

“Doc, I’m moving on, because you asked me to. I’m doing this because you keep pushing me away, and asking me to leave you alone, but your eyes, your tears, are begging me to stay,” he said in anguish. “I made love to Rebecca, but I was thinking of you. It was your skin, I was touching. It was your lips, I was kissing. It was your body, I sank into—”

“—oh, G-d!” she cried, holding her hand over her mouth to stifle the sobs that were trying to wrench their way free of her lungs.

He leaned towards her ear, and he whispered, “It’s your body I want to make love to right now…”

“John! Stop, please! This hurts too much!”

“Doc, I can’t hurt anymore than I already do,” he moaned, leaning down to kiss her.

Marlena stepped back quickly, “No! No! We can’t can’t do this again. We can’t—“

“Are you happy? And don’t fucking lie to me, Doc! Are you happy?”

“I just need to—”

“That’s not what I asked you!” he roared. “Are you happy? I don’t want to know about your commitments! I don’t want to know what you think you should do! I want to know if you’re happy?” Marlena was sobbing so hard, she could barely breath. She was miserable, but she couldn’t speak because she was gasping for air, so she simply stared at him. “I love you, baby! I love you with my soul. You are the other half of me and without you…I am lost.”

Marlena continued to cry, and her knees buckled, as she fell to the ground. John went down with her, pulling her into his arms, and brushing the hair out of her face. He did the only thing he could think to do. He kissed her. He kissed her with all of the love, passion, and possession he had within him. 

Her fingers dug into his hair, and she cried into his mouth. Desperate to push him away, and desperate to pull him closer. She felt his hands pulling at the neckline of her blouse, and his hot mouth along her neck, biting her skin, and she whimpered. John pulled back, staring into her glassy eyes, “Don’t keep pushing me away. Please. I need you, and you…whether you admit it or not…you need me.”

“It’s so complicated, and I’m so scared,” she whispered, still clinging to him.

“Do you love me?”

“You know I do,” she said.

“Then kiss me, and we’ll worry about the rest later,” he said, coming back to bite at her lips. “Because you are mine.”

“I know,” she said. “I know.”

John knew they should stop. Roman could come home. Carrie could come downstairs. Anything could happen, but he couldn’t seem to pull himself away from her. His tongue swept into her mouth, and the taste of her exploded into his senses. “I love you,” he told her resting his forehead on hers.

“I love you,” she whispered back to him.

“Come to the loft tonight.”

“John?”

“Come to the loft, so we can discuss what to do, but don’t keep pushing me away. It’s going to be messy, but it will be worse if we keep pretending it over. It’s not fucking over, Doc.”

“I know,” she whispered, pulling his mouth back to hers.

John kissed her once more. A hard, biting kiss, that said more physically than words ever could. He pulled back, looking at her and said, “Come tonight?”

“Yes,” she said.

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

April 2, 1993 – Marlena’s Sniff’s John Shirt at the Loft

“Hey, Doc, I didn’t think you were going to be able to make it,” John said, when he answered his door. He couldn’t help but look her over. She was gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous. He would always think she was gorgeous, but he had to stop thinking like that. Marlena wanted it to be over, so it was over. 

She smiled at him brightly, happy to see him. “Well I almost didn’t, but I didn’t want to disappoint Abe and Lexie.”

“No. No. Come one in. Please,” he said, reaching for her gift. “Here, let me take this.” He knew he should stop smiling at her like a fool, but she did things to him that no woman ever had. 

Marlena glanced around his loft, realizing that it was decorated by someone other than John, and she knew who that someone was. It bothered her, but there was nothing she could do about it, but continue the farce they had begun. It was over. “Oh, my…it looks…really nice,” she said, attempting to make small talk. 

“Yeah. Yeah, it does, doesn’t it? Rebecca helped—”

“—uh huh,” Marlena interrupted. “I hope my being here isn’t awkward for you,” she said, turning to face him. 

Forcing himself to be casual, John said, “No, it’s not awkward at all.” He looked over her body once more, thinking that it would be so easy to push her skirt up over her hips, and then forced himself to say, “I mean you have Roman, and I’ve…moved on.” He snapped his fingers for emphasis, and said with his fake smile, “It had to happen.”

He was hurting. She could see it, and it made her hurt. She could pretend with Roman, but she found it incredibly difficult to be fake with John. Even though it was obvious he wasn’t happy, Marlena said, “When I think of the mistake that we might’ve made. You know we would have…broken up my family and hurt Roman and the children—”

“—it’s best this way…” he said with absolutely no conviction.

“Yes…it is,” she whispered, knowing that neither one of them meant it. It wasn’t better, but it was necessary. They both continued to stare at each other, because they couldn’t look anywhere else. She saw that he wanted her. It was obvious by the way, he would look at her body, and her lips. He wanted her badly, and even though she’d said it was over, knowing he wanted her, with Rebecca on the roof at the party, made Marlena feel a taboo thrill run through her.

“Well, the party’s on the roof, and I think everybody’s here. Do you want to join them?”

She couldn’t right then. She couldn’t watch John mingling with guests while Rebecca hung on his arm like an old rag, “Uh, I think I’d like to use the ladies room first.”

“Sure, of course. You know where it is right?”

“Mh-hm, yeah,” she said distractedly, looking at his chest, and the way the white t-shirt stretched over it.

“Okay! Well, when you finish up, ah, you just come up on the roof. We’ll all be there,” he said as lightly as he could. Marlena started to walk away, and he found himself breathing deeply, hoping to catch a scent of her perfume. He refused to allow himself to watch her as she went up the stairs, instead he forced himself to go outside on the roof. Rebecca was on him almost immediately.

“John, who was at the door?” she asked him, looping her arm though his.

“Um, it was someone at the wrong loft,” he replied, lying easily. He didn’t know why he lied, but he didn’t want Rebecca to go looking for Marlena.

“Oh, okay,” she murmured.

After several minutes, John realized that Marlena hadn’t come onto the roof yet. He could feel like something wasn’t right. Maybe she was more upset than he’d realized. He needed to check on her without Rebecca following him, so he leaned over and said, “My stomachs a little upset. I’m just going to run to the restroom.”

“Are you sick?”

“No, just a little stomach upset. I’ll be fine,” he said walking back to enter the loft.

Marlena didn’t go into the guest bathroom at the end of the hall. She went into John’s bedroom. Seeing his dress shirt laying on his bed, she walked across the room, and touched the fabric gently. She knew what it would smell like him, and she couldn’t stop herself from lifting it to her face, and breathing in his scent. The smell of him took her back to the plane, and the conference room, and she felt her body physically react. It hurt so much, and she didn’t know why she continued to do this to herself. The tears started to fall, and she couldn’t hold back the sob. Marlena wished she hadn’t come. She needed to get herself under control, so she could leave without being noticed. Stepping into John’s bathroom, she locked the door behind her, and slid to the floor, sobbing into her hands.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he saw that the door to the guest bathroom at the end of the hall was still open. Heading that way, he stopped near his bedroom, when he heard Marlena’s cries coming from his bathroom. Looking around quickly, John slipped into his room, locking the door behind him.  Her sobs grew louder as he neared the bathroom door. Knocking softly, he said, “Doc. Open the door.”

“John,” she barely managed to get out. Heaving with her cries, and unable to stop, “Just…I just need…some time…alone. G-d! I just need to calm…down, so I can…leave.”

“Doc, baby, if you don’t open the door, I’m picking the lock,” he said softly. 

“I can’t. I can’t keep doing this…why do I do this?” she said, struggling to speak between her wracking sobs.

Finding something to pick the lock, John jimmied it open, and stepped inside, closing it behind him, and locking it as well. He slid to the floor beside her, leaned against the shower wall, and pulled her into his arms. She had seemed so together when they were downstairs, and he was so confused. “Honey, what happened?”

“You—you shouldn’t be—”

“—no one knows you’re here. I told Rebecca I needed to use the restroom,” he said, smoothing her hair back from her sweaty forehead, and pulling her body closer.

“No one knows I’m here?”

“No. No one knows you’re here, baby. Can you talk to me?”

“I came upstairs, and I…saw your shirt on the bed…and I…” she started crying again, burying her face in his neck, and breathing deeply. “The smell of you…it—it…why did I come in your room? It hurts so bad.”

“You know why. I know why. As much as we want to think this is over, Doc, it’s not over,” he said softly, tipping her face up to his. Her tear filled eyes looked into his, and her mouth parted on a small gasp. “I can’t stop wanting you. I can’t stop loving you, so here I sit on my bathroom floor, behind two locked doors, because I can’t allow anyone to find us together.”

“I don’t want to hurt Roman, and I don’t want to break up my family, but I can seem to leave you behind,” she whispered.

“I can’t seem to leave you behind either,” he whispered to her. “When I answered the door tonight, you know what I thought? I thought to myself, ‘she is fucking gorgeous’.” Marlena continued to stare at him, and he said, “Everything I said is a lie. I haven’t moved on. I don’t feel better about myself. I fucking dream about you every night, and I wonder how I can convince you to leave Roman.”

“Oh, G-d!” she said, moving to get out of his arms, but he held her fast.

“No, Doc. No,” he said, holding her tightly with one hand, and tipping her face up to look at him with the other. 

She felt him, his cock hard against her hip, and she felt her pussy begin to throb with wanting him. This was dangerous. Two locked doors, that was all she could think about. They were alone, behind two locked doors, and she wanted him so badly she thought she would die from it. 

John leaned close to her ear, and he said roughly, “I want you so fucking bad, Doc.”

“I—we can’t,” she whispered. 

“Let me kiss you. Can I kiss you?” he murmured over her lips.

And she couldn’t say no, so she whispered, “Yes.”

“Fuck, yes,” he whispered, licking over her bottom lip, and Marlena was lost in him. John’s mouth pulled at her. His tongue swept into her hot, moist, mouth, and they were lost in each other all over again. Desperation had pushed them to a pyroclastic proportions within minutes. Pulling her to straddle his lap, John pushed her skirt up her hips, kneading the flesh of her thighs as his fingers sought out her throbbing core. 

There was no slowing this down. Marlena panted into John’s mouth, “Yes…yes…”

His fingers pushed her lace panties to the side, and slid into her recesses easily. She was so wet, it caused him to groan out loud, “Baby…baby…you’re so fucking wet for me.”

She couldn’t stop this. She didn’t want to stop this. Reaching for his pants, she fumbled with the button, as John’s fingers played over her clit, making it hard for her to focus. Once she had his cock free of his jeans, she slid down on him fast, almost in desperation. John’s head fell back, hitting the shower door, as he moaned, “Oh, fuck, Doc!”

Gripping her hips so tightly, she’d likely have bruises, John rocked his body into hers. It lacked coordination, and the movements were jerky. Both of them still fully clothed, they tipped into oblivion, gasping each others name on John’s bathroom floor.

Kissing John’s neck, as she rested her face on his body, she sighed, “I love you.”

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

April 12, 1993 – The Hot Springs

“…I was wild. I was desperate…”

The water swirled around their bodies, creating a cocoon of heat. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to make love to him. She wanted his lips on hers. Hearing him with Rebecca earlier, through the walls of the hotel room, had driven her nearly mad, and in her desperation to escape that room, she’d found herself down here, on the shore of the hot springs. She’d known what she was doing, and she could question her own manipulativeness later. Right now, she wanted John. She leaned closer, as if to kiss him, and he drew back slightly, staring into his eyes.

They shouldn’t be doing this, but John was lost in her. He was lost in the slight part of her lips, and the feel of her hips against his. He rolled his hips, causing her to gasp softly. She could feel his cock, his length hardening against her. They needed to get out of the water and talk, but he couldn’t bring himself to part from her glorious body. It was when her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer, that he gave up.

The heat of his mouth latched onto her neck, sucking at her skin, and lapping his tongue over her. She was lost in sensation. Her hips bucked against him softly, as his tongue licked over the skin along her jaw. Marlena allowed her head to roll back, while moans escaped from her. She wanted more, and her hips rolled over his again. 

Her gasps reached his ears, like calls to his most primitive mind. High pitched mewling sounds, that had him ready to come just from their intensity. The taste of her was driving him wild. John bit at Marlena’s ear, breathing harshly, and finally arrived at her mouth. He couldn’t stop himself, even as he remembered that they had promised to stop this months ago. He couldn’t stop. 

His lips on hers were like coming home, and even though she had begged John to stop pursuing her, she knew, that she was the one responsible for where they found themselves in that moment. She had intentionally come to where he would see her, and removed her clothing. She knew what that would do to him. She knew that once he’d seen her, he would be drawn down to the waters edge. Pulling back, they stared at each other, communicating silently. It was obvious to both of them that they shouldn’t be doing this, and yet, Marlena’s fingers still found their way into his hair, and John’s arms slid lower, cupping her ass, and pulling her roughly against him, so that she felt the slide of his cock along the lips of her pussy. That stare contained a hundred questions, and a hundred answers.

John watched his hand travel over her collarbone, and around the back of her neck. As much as he wanted to kiss her again. They had to stop this, but then Marlena rolled her hips along his length, and he thought he might die from the pleasure. He had to stop this. Marlena’s reaction after their encounter at Titan had nearly broken his heart. The pain her eyes, and the regret…he didn’t want to hurt her again, and if they continued he knew what would happen. They wouldn’t stop. John touched her face softly, and leaned his forehead on her. Marlena’s hand came up to touch his face softly, but he stopped her when she tried to kiss him. Pulling her fingers to his lips, John kissed them softly, and said, “We’ve gotta get out of this water.”

She didn’t respond, she just rolled her hips again, moaning low in her throat. He felt his cock surge, getting harder with every movement of her body.

“Doc, please…I’m trying so hard…I can’t hurt you any more,” he said roughly. “I have to stay away from you.

“Just hold me,” she whispered.

He knew, he wouldn’t be able to have her naked body against his, floating in this water, and only hold her. Leaning towards her ear, while they floated languidly in the water, John said, “G-d, your beautiful, Doc.” Without thought, his lips were on hers again, devouring her. Biting the soft pillowy flesh of her mouth, while his tongue mated with hers, and she moaned into him. His mind was at war with his heart and his body, but he couldn’t seem to end this. Not with the way she was kissing him, her mouth begging him to continue. 

He pulled back momentarily, brushing his hand over her forehead, and sighed deeply. Then he was on her again, he swept his tongue over her mouth, demanding entrance, and her lips parted on a sigh. Even as she allowed him to kiss her, John, again, told himself to pull away from her. Rolling his head over hers, his hands clenched in her hair, as he said, “I’m sorry.”

Marlena saw the anguish, as John tried to put distance between them with a look of pain, and near agony on his face, saying to her again, “I’m sorry.” His hands released her, and he floated back further, watching her, “I shouldn’t be in here with you. I shouldn’t be touching you…I shouldn’t be kissing you…”

She wants him. She wants him so much, and she’s tired of fighting this. It’s exhausting. He’s on her mind constantly, and her body…in that moment, her body was controlling her. She floats towards him, whispering, “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not alright. I swore to myself, I’d never let this happen again, and here it is…it’s happening again, Doc! I’m going to ruin your life,” he said in frustration. 

“No! You’re not! Don’t say that!” Marlena cried, getting even closer to him. “Don’t say that!”

“Who am I anyway? I’m going to destroy both of our lives, and I can’t even—I can’t even stop myself!” he said, feeling ashamed, and yet reaching for her at the same time. His fingers twined with hers.

“It’s not your fault! It’s not! It’s…it’s my fault,” she said, wanting to be even closer.

“Doc, it’s not your fault. You are doing everything in your power to keep me away from you. You’re doing everything it takes to stay faithful to Roman—”

“—I willed this. I willed you to come here,” she whispered, intentionally coming flush with his body again.

“You what?”

“I willed it,” she said softly, touching his face. “I knew that you were…with Rebecca, so I…I couldn’t stand it…I couldn’t…I’m sorry.” Her eyes were shining with tears, and the desperation she had felt earlier was returning. She looked down, “I’m so sorry.”

John felt hope. She looked devastated that she was feeling this way, but he was feeling hopeful after weeks of being lost. “Doc, baby, what are you saying?”

“I could hear you and Rebecca laughing, and I knew…that when the laughter stopped you would begin to make love. I couldn’t bear that,” she said softly. “And I knew that I had to…I had to get away…from that room.”

“I’m sorry, Doc. I didn’t have any idea.”

“I know, that I had no right…to be jealous of those sounds…the room was so quiet, except for those sounds, and…I thought if I…if I just got some cool air, and some water…I would be alright.”

John tipped his head lower, attempting to catch her eyes, “So are you?”

“No,” she said quickly, looking up at him. “No, it was awful. All I could think of was…was you…the way it would feel to have your hands on my body. The way it would feel to have you make love to me again, the way you were…making love to Rebecca, and I was…I was wild, I was desperate, I was—”

“—no, Doc. No, Doc…” he whispered, touching her face softly, and running the pad of his thumb over her lips. The feel of her legs along his, and the swirl of the current as they stayed afloat, was all creating a sensual scene that he knew they should avoid. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to hurt. I never…I never want to hurt you.”

She looked up at him, threading her fingers into his hair, “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Doc?” he whispered, hoping…praying, that she was changing her mind. He could feel her breasts floating against his chest, and it was driving him crazy. Her thighs brushed his as they tread water to stay afloat.

“I can’t stay away from you, and pretend my heart isn’t being destroyed every time I see you with Rebecca. I lay next to Roman every night, and I dream of you. I’m unhappy…I’m miserable, and it’s effecting everyone,” she said. “What am I doing, John? What am I teaching Sami and Eric by staying with Roman?”

“Fuck, Doc, what are you saying right now?” he asked her, rolling his hips against her in the warm water.

“I’m done fighting this, John. I’m done trying to convince myself that living my life for other people is the best for everyone. How does my unhappiness, make everyone else’s lives better?”

“It doesn’t baby,” John whispered. “It doesn’t, but I need to hear it. What do you want?”

Looking up at him with tears in her eyes, she said, “I want you. I want us.”

He couldn’t hold back anymore. He snatched her up, bring her body close to his, and he said without preamble, “I’ll end things with Rebecca in the morning.”

She almost sobbed with relief, “You will?”

“I will,” he said. “Do you…when do you want to tell Roman?”

“In the morning. I’m going to talk to him in the morning,” Marlena said, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Are you…are you going to—”

“I’m telling him everything, John. About the affair, about my love for you…I have to tell him everything.”

He kissed her. He kissed her like it was the first, last, and every time in between. His hands twined into her hair, and if it was possible, he pulled her closer, licking into her mouth. John kissed Marlena with a desperation borne of a want so deep, so innate, that it was perfect in every way. “G-d, Doc, I love you so much.”

“I love you…I love you,” she whispered into his mouth.

“Doc, we really do need to get out of this water—”

“—I can’t, John…I can’t,” she whispered, sliding her pussy over the length of him. The combination of her arousal and the warm water, was causing him to get even harder against her.

“I—I…Doc, baby,” he moaned into her neck. “We can’t. I want to do this right. I want to be with you in a bed…I want you to know your worth to me…”

“I know my worth,” she whispered. “But right now, I want you…tomorrow you can have me in your bed, and every night after that.”

He almost lost himself right then. One arm wrapped around her hips roughly, and he slid his cock into her with such force that the water rocked around them. They had drifted towards a boulder, near the waters edge, and John pushed her against it, pulling his cock out and pushing back into her. He saw stars, and his eyesight went black for a moment from the pleasure of it. He barely heard Marlena whisper, “Harder.”

More blood surged to his dick, at her words, “Are you sure?”

“G-d, yes…harder,” she panted. “I need to feel you. I need to know that this is real.”

“Oh, this is fucking real, baby. I promise,” he said breathlessly, as his hips began to pound into her with more force. “I love you, Doc. I love you.” And just as she started to come, her wall spasming and clenching around him, John followed her over the edge.

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

April 8, 1994 – The Massage at Marlena’s Penthouse

“I could give you a rub. It’s always worked in the past.”

John practically burst through the doors onto Marlena’s balcony at her penthouse. His whole body was tight with tension, and he couldn’t seem to find a way to relax. Marlena was right behind him, her voice, and her scent following him. A comfort, and a torture, at the same time. He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. 

“John, you have got to relax,” she said, following him outside. But her nearness made relaxing impossible.

“I’m trying, Doc! I just can’t shake the tension,” he told her, turning his head slightly, but refusing to look at her completely. “You know, maybe if I go for a run. Knock off about ten miles—”

“—or I could—” Marlena caught herself, stopping before she finished her thought. It was a bad idea. It was a dangerous idea. She was feeling too lost, too vulnerable…and John was too available. 

He turned to face her, wondering why she stopped, “Could what?”

They had so many awkward interactions lately. What were they too each other? They were more than friends, but they were no longer lovers. Marlena was tired of trying to censor herself. She was exhausted from the state of her life, and she was lonely. “I—I was going to say that I could give you a rub, it’s always worked in the past.”

John paused for a moment, trying to gauge her emotions in that moment. He said slowly, “Yeah, it has.” He continued to stare at her, knowing that if she got any closer to him physically, closer than friends might get, it was going to be incredibly difficult for him not to touch her. So he said, “Uh, but, uh, no thanks. Not this time.” He stepped around her, breaking his eyes away from hers, and not allowing her to read anything more into their conversation. “I’ll be alright,” he said, entering the penthouse, and leaving her alone on the balcony.

Marlena followed him, closing the doors behind her. She wasn’t going to let this go. As she turned, she saw John pulling his arms back, in an attempt to loosen the muscles at his neck, and she said, “I think we’re being silly. It’s harmless.” John scoffed, but didn’t respond. He simply leaned on the table, and allowed his head to hang low, while Marlena continued, “And it might get us what we want, okay? We might get the information that we want! Come on. Sit down…sit down.” She pulled at his arm gently, and John couldn’t refuse her. After everything they had been through together, he couldn’t refuse her. 

He sighed again, slowly taking his jacket off, while she said, “Don’t be all night. The shirt, too.” 

He stopped, staring at her, “Doc?”

“We’re adults, John. The shirt, too,” she said, kneeling on the chaise portion of the couch. John taking his shirt off wasn’t necessary, but once the words were out of her mouth, she wasn’t backing down. 

“Alright, Doc,” he said roughly, pulling his long sleeved blue t-shirt over his head, and sitting down before her. He felt the tension even more now, and he clenched his t-shirt in his hands.

She came up behind him, and breathed deeply of his scent, and glanced over the muscles of his back. Touching his tattoo softly, she pulled her hand back quickly. Marlena told herself to stop. This was a simple massage to try, and loosen him up, so they could get through a hypnosis session. That was all this was, and yet she could feel a low throb in her center, and the heat from his body was seeping through her clothing, as she leaned against his back. Ignoring the warning signs, she laid her hands on his shoulders, and said softly, “Take a deep breath…let it go.” She started kneading the muscle near his neck, whispering, “Let your arms go. Drop the shirt…come on, come on, come on…”

John groaned in relief, as her fingers worked their way into the tight and knotted muscles along his shoulders. It felt amazing, and the heat of her, the weight of her against him, combined with the scent of lavender and lilacs, caused him to start to lose himself.

“Good grief,” she said, working out the knots in his muscle. John’s head rolled back, relaxing against her chest, while his breath hitched, and Marlena paused in her movements. She looked down at him, and stared at his parted lips. She started massaging him again. Her head dipped down, and his scent hit her, his breath surrounded her, and she gasped.

With the brush of her breath over his forehead, he tipped his head further back, looking up at her. Those hazel eyes trapped him, they called to him, and John reached out touching her face softly. The two of them were cast in the shadow of Marlena’s hair as it fell forward, and he waited. He waited for her to jump away from him. He waited for her to tell him that they shouldn’t be doing this, but she didn’t. Instead she leaned down, softly brushing her lips over his, and his heart stuttered, “Doc?”

She pulled back suddenly, nearly falling off the couch in her haste to put space between them, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

John stared at her, surprised that she had been so forward, when she had been pushing him away for over a year, “Doc?”

“I—I’m just so…G-d! Why did I do that?” she exclaimed, walking over to the doors that led out the balcony. She stood there, looking out over the city, unsure of what to do.

Standing up, John followed her. His body came up closely behind her, while he wrapped his arms around her, and he whispered in her ear, “You did what felt natural, Doc. What felt right. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Everything is wrong with that! I’ve been trying to forget you for months, and look where I’m at right now! My family is destroyed. Sami hates me, and I told myself this…” she said, gesturing helplessly between herself and John, “…was over.”

“Does it have to be over?” he asked her softly.

Marlena turned to him quickly, realizing as soon as she faced him, how close their bodies were, “What?”

“Does it have to be over? Or could we…could we call this the beginning?”

“The beginning? The beginning of what?” she asked him helplessly.

“The beginning of us, Doc,” he said. His eyes entrapped her, and she struggled to find her voice to answer him. She couldn’t. She didn’t know how to answer him, and John said, “Maybe you have a family waiting for you.”

“I do?” she whispered with tears in her eyes. And she wanted it so badly. A family with John, Brady, and Belle. To wake up everyday in his arms, and to go to bed every night in his arms. Maybe she had been looking at this all wrong, and instead of losing her family, she was coming home to one. She knew that she would have to work to repair the damage done to her relationship with Sami, but part of the reason for that damage was her constant denial of her love for John. She’d known a long time ago, that while she loved Roman, she wasn’t in love with Roman. Her love for John was still there. It still fired her soul, and caused her to dream of him, making her wake up aroused and clenching with want. 

Marlena had been silent for quite awhile, simply staring at his chest, and then he felt her fingers on his skin, brushing over him softly. Her palm smoothed over his chest, and up around the nape of his neck, she lifted her eyes to his, and she said, “Kiss me.”

“I need to know what’s going on in that head of yours first, Doc,” he said, wanting nothing more than to comply with her request, but knowing that they needed to talk first.

“You’re right. About everything, John. You’ve been right, and I just kept fighting it. I’ve done nothing but make everything worse, and I’ve hurt so many people, but what I want…if I’m being honest with myself, is you.”

“You want me?” he asked her, feeling his heart pick up in his chest.

“Oh, G-d, yes! I want you,” she said softly, staring up at him.

John wiped away the one, lone tear, that fell from her eyes, and he said, “That’s all I needed to hear you say, baby.” Leaning forward, he kissed her softly, his lips nibbling at hers, and he whispered, “I’ve missed you so much.”

She fell in love with him all over again, whispering back, “I’ve missed you, too.” Marlena pulled his mouth back to hers, and licked his lips.

“Fuck, woman,” he rasped into her mouth. He bit at her, licking into her mouth, and then he forced himself to pull back, saying, “I don’t want to rush this. I don’t want to rush you…so maybe I should…go.”

She shook her head, indicating no, and John watched, awe struck, as she began unbuttoning her jacket, peeling it off of her shoulders. His mouth went dry, and he licked his lips helplessly as her skin was revealed to him, inch by inch. Marlena said to him, “I don’t want to slow down.” She stepped so close to him, that he couldn’t help but reach for her.

“Doc, I won’t make love to you anywhere but in a bed. I won’t,” he said breathlessly, kissing his way down her neck.

Marlena stared up at him, and took his hand in hers, turned, and headed for the stairs, pulling him behind her. All John could do was helplessly follow her. He had been the aggressor last year, and it had taken everything he had in him to back away when she had begged him to stop pursuing her. If Marlena wanted to take the lead tonight, he was going to let her do that. John didn’t want any guilt, or any remorse after this, because he wasn’t backing away now. He wouldn’t give her up again.

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

June 21, 1994 – In the Hospital After Maison Blanche

Marlena stood in the doorway to John’s hospital room, watching him rip the hospital bracelet from his arm. She loved him so much. She hadn’t stopped loving him, and what had happened with her and Roman earlier, in the emergency room, only solidified that knowledge. She closed the door behind her, causing John to look up, and she said softly, “Hi.”

“Hey, Doc,” he replied, rubbing his wrists. Both of them were rubbed raw from the manacles Stefano had locked him in. The last thing he needed was a hospital bracelet. Looking up at Marlena, he was caught off guard. She was gorgeous. She would always be gorgeous, but she would never be his. Glancing over her body quickly, he said, “So, how you feeling?”

“I’m better…how are you?”

“Better,” he said.

Marlena saw the bruising and raw skin of his wrists, and she reached out, touching it softly, “Oh, oh, your wrists.”

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” he said. The feel of her fingers sliding softly over the skin inside his wrist was causing his body to react. He couldn’t handle that, so he pulled his arm back gently and said, “Hey, that’s a nice looking robe you’ve got on there.”

John’s fingers tugged on the fabric at her arm, and she smiled at him, “Peter knows the owner of a department store here, and they sent over somethings because Kristen and I had lost all of our things in the, uh, in the fire.”

“Any word on how that fire got started?”

“No, no, it wasn’t Stefano because he was gone by the time it began.”

John looked unhappy, whispering, “Yeah. I just hope that man burns in hell for everything he did to us, Doc.”

They stared at each other for a moment, each wishing they could say more, and Marlena said, “I think he will.”

“Not soon enough for me,” he said roughly. “But we survived, right? And we’re free…now we can just…get on with the business of being happy, right?” But he wasn’t happy, not really. He was glad to be alive. He was glad Brady hadn’t lost another parent, but he knew he was going to watch Marlena walk away with Roman, yet again. 

Marlena opened her mouth to speak, and nothing came out. She didn’t know what to say. Did she tell him she cared for him? Did she tell him, she was still in love with him? Instead she turned her back to him, as she felt tears rising in her eyes. 

John knew something was wrong, “What is it, Doc?” He stood up, coming to stand behind her, touching her arm softly, “Is it Roman?”

She wanted John to take her in his arms, like he had every time she was upset over the last few weeks. She wanted him to hold her, because she was upset about Roman, but not in the way John might think. All she could do was shake her head to keep herself from releasing the sob she was holding inside.

“Well, now that he knows why we were down there together, isn’t there a chance for the two of you?” John asked, with bile in the back of his throat, as he reminded himself to be nothing more than a supportive friend. He couldn’t blow her life up again, simply because he couldn’t control his emotions.

Turning to face him slowly, she whispered, “I don’t think so.”

“Well, Doc,” John said softly. “The whole time we were down there in that dungeon, all you talked about was Roman. How much you needed him, and how much you wanted him.”

Marlena wanted to fall at his feet and sob for him to love her. The only reason she’d said those things was because John had spent the whole time talking about Kristen. “I know. I know,” she said, wiping at her eyes. 

“Doc, you know, when he showed up, and he pulled us out of that place, I could in his eyes how much he loved you!” John said, watching Marlena turn around again. “How much he still loved you!” She wiped her tears from her cheek with the back of her hand, nodding, and John said, “I don’t know, I was just hoping that maybe he had forgiven you for our affair.”

Forcing herself to say what John expected her to say, Marlena said, “I know. I was hoping that too, but—”

“—No! No, Doc, I can’t believe that he stopped loving you! I refuse to believe that!”

“He has,” she said softly. “And, I’m afraid it’s your fault.”

“Doc, I know that it is my fault that your marriage broke up—”

“—I’m not talking about the past. I’m talking about right now,” she said, turning to face him. “A nurse told us that somebody had been injured at Maison Blanche,” she whispered, touching his face gently. “I was afraid it was you…and I was terrified.”

His heart picked up at her soft touch, and he replied, “That’s understandable. We just went through hell together—”

“—I know, and we survived…because we supported each other, and, because of that, the bond between us grew stronger.”

“That’s expected, but your heart belongs to Roman.”

“Not entirely,” she said. “You’ll always be in my heart. You’ll always be in my thoughts.” Marlena stepped closer to him, “We share a beautiful little girl together. I will always be there for you.”

John’s heart was racing. He wanted, so badly, for her to love him, and want him, but she wasn’t saying those things. Forcing himself to keep his emotional distance, John reached for her hand, threading their fingers together, and he said, “We just shared a nightmare together, and yes, we also share a beautiful little girl, but that doesn’t mean you love Roman any less.”

“With you in my life, that will never be enough for him.”

“Should I go? Should I leave Salem for awhile, so that you and Roman have a chance?”

“No! G-d, no! John, you can’t—you can’t leave me. I need you.”

“But I’m destroying you!”

“You’re not! You’re not! I love you,” she cried, reaching for him, and finding her hands twisted in the lapels of his robe. “I love you!”

His breathing hitched in his chest, as he stared at her with side eyes. Did she love him or was she in love with him? “Doc,” he whispered. “Doc…”

Marlena sobbed, “I can’t be with Roman, because while I love him…I’m in love with you.”

“You’re…” John said stepping closer to her, touching her face in wonder. “You’re in love with me?”

“Yes! And what do I do with that?” she cried, turning away from him. “Because you want Kristen! I know you do, and I’m supposed to—I’m supposed to want Roman, but I don’t,” she whispered. “Because I want you.”

John’s hands slid up over her shoulders, turning her to face him. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, “Doc…fuck, Doc…”

He kissed her. His head dipped down and his lips latched into her mouth and they were gone, lost in a world of memory, taste, and smell. His tongue dipped into her mouth, and hers slid alongside. It was a dance that neither of them could stop. John’s hand threaded into her hair, pulling it to expose her neck, and he bit her. He lost control, and she wasn’t stopping him. After weeks of desperation, and only each other to depend on, they ignited. They forgot where they were, and found themselves on the hospital bed.

John’s body hovered over hers, one hand in her hair and the other working the knot of her robe open, saying against her mouth, “Doc…Doc…it’s you. It’s always been you…”

“I thought you might die,” she said touching his face. “That’s why I seduced Stefano…I couldn’t be without you. I can’t imagine a world without you. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

He buried his face in her neck, breathing harshly, “Fuck, I want you…I want you…but we can’t do this here…in the hospital. Anyone could walk in…anyone could see—”

“—I guess I know where I stand now,” Roman said harshly from the door. Marlena and John turned to find Roman in the doorway with Kristen behind him. “You two sure have a way of getting caught in compromising situations.”

Marlena’s head fell back against the pillow, and she threw her arm over her head, but she didn’t feel guilty. She felt frustration. John stood up, adjusting his robe, and he said, “Do you mind leaving? I’ve got to finish this conversation with Doc.”

Marlena snorted. Conversation? She thought she was losing her mind. Why was she laughing? After everything they’d been through at Maison Blanche, she was finding that she had absolutely no patience for Roman or anyone else. Throwing her legs over the side of the bed, she adjusted her robe, and she looked at Roman, then Kristen, and she said, “I need to speak with John…privately.”

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

October 25, 1994 – Chinese Food at the Penthouse

“If I remember correctly, you used to have a yen for Chinese food late at night…”

Marlena heard a knock at her door and looked at the clock, realizing it was nearing 10:30 pm. No one usually came by that late unless it was some sort of emergency. Walking quickly to the door, she opened it to find John standing there with a large paper bag full of something that smelled like Chinese food. He knew her so well. Her belly fluttered and rolled like a school girl with her first crush. She was supposed to be over this. She was supposed to have put these feelings for John behind her, but after their experience at Maison Blanche she felt closer to him, and that was dangerous. She knew he wanted to reconcile with Kristen.

John stepped inside, “I—I hope it’s not too late. I was driving down the street and I saw your lights on. I thought maybe you’d still be up.”

She couldn’t seem to lessen the huge smile on her face, as she said, “I’m wide awake unfortunately.”

John grinned back, feeling really happy to be near her again. It was odd, because being with her brought him so much peace, when his mind seemed to constantly be reliving the trauma of Maison Blanche. “Then would you care to share some Chinese food with an old friend?” he asked her.

Marlena stepped closer, looking down into the bag, and then back up at John, “Do I smell fried rice?”

John laughed, “Fried rice, and egg foo young…all your basic boring favorites, and, if I remember correctly, you used to have a yen for Chinese food late at night.”

Marlena started laughing, and as she walked towards the kitchen, she said, “I’m going to forget you said that, while I grab some dishes.”

“Alright…” he said, watching her go. Then loudly, he called, “Hey, I noticed the construction out in the hall here. Does that noise bother Belle much?” 

“The truth is, Belle can sleep right through it…I, however, can’t,” she said coming back into the room with plates and utensils. “But it’s not really about all the noise, it’s more about about my mind spinning late at night.”

“You worrying about Sami?” John asked.

“Worrying about Sami. Thinking about Sami. Wondering if she’s all right, and wanting to call her, knowing she doesn’t want to hear from me. You know. That kind of thing,” Marlena said, placing a plate in front of him. “Wondering if we’ll ever find our way back to each other.”

John took his coat off, saying, “I believe you will. Maybe even sooner than you think.”

Marlena smiled at him, so grateful that he was there with her, when all she felt lately was alone. “That would sure be nice,” she said softly. “But it’s more than worrying about Sami that’s got me up at night. It’s me.” John looked up at her, feeling her sadness as she continued to speak, “I keep wondering how I’m going to fill up my life, and I end up just pacing the halls, waiting for…I don’t know.” She looked at him sadly, almost with an expression that made her seem lost emotionally. “Some sign. Something to happen. Something to give me direction.”

John could feel what she was saying, because he was feeling the same way. Since Maison Blanche he was feeling so alone, and the nightmares were constant. He looked at her, and said softly, “I understand. I’ve been blessed with two beautiful children. Healthy, perfect, children. I have my work. I have more money than I will ever…need, and yet it’s not enough for me either.” 

Marlena wanted to be supportive. She wanted to be the friend he needed. So she swallowed down her own emotions and asked him, “You can’t get over Kristen?”

“Kristen has made her decision, Doc, and it’s not me. I’m a priest, remember? No, it’s more this feeling of never being able to escape Stefano.”

“You know you’ve put a name to the feeling that I’ve been having for a very long time,” she said, snatching up a dumpling and popping it into her mouth.

“It’s sad isn’t it? Stefano DiMera, pervades our life to this very day. It’s so often that I think about him, Doc, and the hell he put us though,” John said. “I’m having a hard time getting past what happened at Maison Blanche.”

Marlena stared at him, and said softly, “Me too. I have nightmares all the time, and I wake up scared, and crying out for you.”

John was surprised. She cried out for him? He was surprised that she was being so open about it, but he said, “I have nightmares, too. He—he would…it doesn’t matter…never mind.”

“John…honey…you need to talk about it. If it’s troubling you that much…as much as it’s troubling me, maybe we need to talk about it, because it feels like we came back from hell, and we’re expected to move on as if nothing happened. But you and I…we know that’s not true, and only we know what happened to us there,” Marlena said.

John sighed deeply, rubbing his hands over his face, “He would tie me up. Hang me from the ceiling… and while he beat me, or drugged me…he would threaten you. I remember sobbing in helplessness at one point, because I couldn’t do anything to help you…even if I had wanted to, and that feeling of devastation…I wake up with that every night feeling so utterly alone,” he said, staring at her. “And scared that I’ve lost you again.”

“He emotionally tortured us both, didn’t he? He would force me to play his little games, eating dinner with him, and chess…I would do anything for you to have longer periods of time without the drugs. I would tell myself that another hour might be the time you needed to recover from whatever he’d given you previously,” she whispered, as she started crying softly, and wiping at her cheeks. “I was so desperate for you, and I wake up feeling so empty.

John stood up, and moved to sit beside her, pulling her into his arms, “He brought you there to control me—”

“—but he used you to control me. He knew I loved you, and he knew I would do anything to stop him from harming you.”

“Even seduce him…” John whispered.

“Yes, even seduce him, and now I dream of his fingers on my skin, and I wake on the verge of vomiting. I want to take it away, and replace it with something pleasant, because the memory of his hands on my body is destroying me,” she said, wiping her face quickly. “The loneliness is destroying me.”

John swept his fingers along her jaw, as he felt her tears soak the fabric of his shirt, “Watching him touch you…fuck, if I could have gotten to you, I would have killed him myself.”

Marlena looked up at him, brushing her fingers over his face, “I’m sorry he did that…made you watch. I’m sorry he used me to torture you, and make you comply…but I’m not sorry that you’re alive, and you’re here with me now. I feel like if we weren’t there together during that time…you might not be here at all.”

“You’re right,” John said. “Having you there saved my life, but the damage to you, the trauma…I’m not sure I can ever reconcile the two. I needed you in order to survive, but it nearly destroyed you in the process.”

“I would do it again,” she whispered.

“I know you would,” John whispered back.

“Roman was right, you know. I wouldn’t have done that for anyone, but you,” she said, leaning forward, and kissing him softly. “Because you’re still in my heart…I would do anything for you.”

John leaned towards her, kissing her softly, and said, “Every time I think I’ve moved on…I realize I can’t. I can’t move on, because something always pulls me back to you.”

Rubbing her thumb over his lips, Marlena whispered, “If you weren’t a priest…”

John’s heart starting racing, “What?”

“If you weren’t a priest…I might kiss you again,” she said.

“I’m not a priest, Doc. Soon enough, that will be figured out, and maybe then…I might kiss you again,” he said, breathing against her lips. Laying back on her sofa, John pulled her body up with him, kissing the top of her head.

Marlena snuggled into his chest, and yawned, “Where’s Brady?”

“With Caroline,” John murmured. “Why don’t you just try to relax and get some sleep. Just let me hold you for awhile.”

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

March 6, 1996  – The Scene Where Mike Interrupts Them In Aremid

“Nobody’s ever done that, my whole life. Nobody…”

Sitting at Marlena’s bedside, John watched her sleep. She was beautiful. The slope of her nose, the curve of her neck, and her lips. He would never tire of staring at her, and yet, he’d held himself back for years. He knew, if he looked at her for too long, if he watched her body as she crossed a room, if he stared at her lips when he spoke to her, people would know…his love for her wasn’t over. Their affair had destroyed her family, and the fall-out that followed had led to her being vulnerable to possession. John had sworn to himself that he would keep his feelings to himself, and maintain the emotional distance necessary to stay in her life, without ruining her life. Yet, he found himself here, sitting beside her, so desperately in love with her, he thought it might consume him.

Marlena had been by his side since late November, when Tony had shot himself, and framed John for it. Only a select few had maintained his innocence, while the rest of the world had condemned him, including Kristen. A love he had felt was strong, had turned out to be made of tissue paper that disintegrated as soon as a flame was applied. 

Marlena’s love for him, whatever form that came in, had proven to be the same, sure, steadfast, connection they had always had. John had realized, when he thought he was going to die, that Marlena was, and always had been, the one true love of his life. Even his love for Isabella didn’t compare.

He felt like he had been watching her for hours, when she finally started to stir in the bed. Relief coursed through him. John found himself moving the chair to the side, and kneeling beside her on the floor. “Whatever it is you need, Doc, I’m right here,” he whispered. He couldn’t help but touch her, brushing his fingers over her blonde hair as it lay across her shoulder. 

She moaned softly, turning her head towards him, and he touched her face, lightly tracing his fingers along her jaw. “John?” she whispered. When their eyes met, it was like the connection of two souls lost to each other for hundreds of years. Marlena was surprised to find him by her side, and yet not surprised at all. She felt his soft palm against her skin and he linked his hand with her, pulling it up to his mouth, kissing her gently. He’d been crying, she could tell, and the relief on his face was evident. “John?”

He started laughing softly, and the tears fell freely again, as he kissed her fingers. “You know, I was so afraid that I was never going to hear your voice again.”

Marlena reached for him, cupping his face, as he held her hand against him. He couldn’t let her go, he needed to feel her, touch her, and remind himself that she wasn’t gone. She was alive. She hadn’t left him. The adrenaline and the fear still coursed through his body, and he was fighting to keep himself grounded. She was there, in front of him, and she was alive. 

Staring at him in wonder, she ran her palm over his mouth shakily, crying her own tears of relief. Relief that she was alive…relief that John was alive, since Stefano had told her John had been executed. The last thing she remembered as going underneath the water. It had been freezing, pinpricks of needle cold ice lashing her skin, and yet, she found herself warm, and safe, with John next to her. “I’m so glad you’re alive,” she whispered. 

John cupped her hand against her face, and he whispered, “You know, I don’t think I ever fully realized how much you mean to me, before tonight. You risked everything for me, lady.” He stared into her eyes, gorgeous hazel eyes that held a lifetime of love, and he said, “Nobodies ever done that, my whole life. Nobody.”

She couldn’t speak, she was so overwhelmed with love. Wiping tears from her eyes with the back of her hand, she was barely able to whisper back, “I’m so glad you’re alive.”

Desperate to be closer, John moved towards her, his face mere inches away, and he said, “I thank G-d for saving you.” He climbed into bed with her, gently rubbing his face alongside hers, and touching her jaw with a featherlight touch.

Marlena was so happy. So very happy. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to be with him in way she had held back from for years. She soaked in his warmth, and she breathed in his scent, sliding her hand to the back of his neck, and threading her hands into his hair. John’s forehead rested on hers, and his breath wafted across her mouth. 

His large hand smoothed over her arm, and her shoulder, squeezing her softly, to reassure himself she was really there, “It feels so good to hold you again, Doc.”  

Arousal wracked her body at his words, and she had to tell herself that he didn’t mean it the way she would want him to. Nuzzling her face into the warmth of his neck, she says softly, “I was so scared…all that time, when you were scheduled to die. I was so…I was so desperate to help you…”

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” he said, propping himself up to lean over her. Marlena rolled back, feeling flutters, and arousal shoot through her, at his proximity. “Fate seemed to arrange it so we wouldn’t be here without each other.”

“I wonder why?” she whispered.

“I wonder what else fate has in store for us?” he said, staring at her lips, and touching her face softly. 

A knock on the door sounded, and Mike poked his head in, “How’s the patient?”

John smiled, getting up from the bed, “Why don’t you see for yourself?” He stood up, moving to the other side of the bed, and took up Marlena’s hand again. He wasn’t planning to let her go anytime soon. 

He watched as Mike asked her questions, and listened to her lungs and her heart. John considered going downstairs, and attempting to find Kristen. They needed to talk. It was obvious from the way she had been acting, that Kristen was hoping to reconcile, but John wasn’t sure he could do that. How could he try and make a life with her, when she’d had no faith in him during this whole crisis? How could he lie to himself and try to make a life with Kristen, when he wanted Marlena? Glancing down at Marlena, he found her smiling at him. He looked up at Mike, “So, what’s the prognosis?”

“She’s fine. Her lungs sound good. Her heart is strong. She’s going to be tired, probably a little sore tomorrow, but she can resume regular activities,” Mike said, closing up his black leather satchel. Glancing at John he said, “Kristen was looking for you.”

“Can you tell her, I’ll talk to her tomorrow?” John replied. “I’m going to stay with Doc a while longer.”

“Sure, I can do that,” Mike said. Turning to Marlena, he said, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you, Mike,” she replied softly.

The door closed softly behind him, and Marlena looked up at John, “You can go to her, if you want.”

“Do you want me to go?” he asked her.

“No…but if you need to talk to Kristen, I’ll be fine,” she told him

John watched her for a moment, and then kneeled beside the bed, “What do you want?” He wanted her to say she wanted him. He wanted Marlena to want him.

“What do I want?” she asked, almost as if she were confused.

“If I could give you anything right now, what would you want, Doc?”

She wanted him in bed with her. She wanted his body next to hers. She wanted his arms around her. Marlena whispered, “I want you to hold me tonight. Can you—can you stay with me, and just hold me?” John stared at her, and she continued, saying, “Stefano told me you were dead, and it petrified me. I thought I’d lost you, and I couldn’t bear that…so can you stay with me, and hold me?”

“Sure, Doc,” he said quietly. “Let me run, and get some clothes from—”

“No. Can you—can you just sleep in your boxers? I’m so afraid…afraid if you leave, you won’t come back.”

John could see the anxiety, and the fear in her eyes, and he nodded slowly, and began unbuttoning his shirt. The thought of holding her against him all night was a wish come true, and the most pleasure filled torture he could imagine. There was no way he would turn her down.

Marlena’s eyes roamed over him, as his shirt spread open across his chest, and he shrugged it from his shoulders. He was so methodical, laying the shirt over the back of the chair, and looking at her once before he began to unbutton his jeans. Her eyes took in every curve of his muscles, the way the dim light played over his skin, and when he turned to push his jeans over his hips, her core clenched as she stared at his backside.

He finished folding his jeans, trying to drag this out for as long as possible, so that he could somehow manage to get his body to calm down. It wasn’t working. John reached over, turning off the lamp. He was still half hard when he turned around, and lifted the covers sliding into bed beside her. She immediately rolled into his arms, resting her face at his neck, and breathing deeply. “Thank you,” Marlena whispered into the dark, as her eyes adjusted. “For staying. I know you probably wanted to speak with Kristen.”

“I’m in no hurry to speak with Kristen. Doc, I care about you. I’ve always cared about you,” he whispered. “I’d rather be with you.”

“Really?”

“I’d always rather be with you,” he said, tipping his head down to look at her.

Marlena tipped her head up, and whispered, “I’d always rather be with you.”

Her moist breath was brushing over his lips, so close. John moaned slightly, his hand around her waist moving over the satin of her pajama top. She wasn’t wearing a bra, he realized, and nearly moaned again, as his hand slid back to her waist. 

“I wanted to tell you how much your support has meant to me over the last few months,” he said softly. “It’s been everything to me. If I didn’t have you…I don’t know what I would have done.”

“John,” she said, touching his face lightly, and staring into his deep blue eyes. “John, I would do anything for you. You’re my best friend.”

Her mouth was mere inches from him, and her breath wafting across his lips drew him closer. Without thought or a plan, he kissed her softly, a brush of his lips over hers that surprised them both. John pulled back, taking in the awe on her face, and the slightly open lips, and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her again. When her mouth opened to him on a gasp, his tongue swept across her lips with a deep grunt, and he pulled the length of her body roughly against his.

She gasped into his mouth in reaction to the force of her body slamming into his. John’s flavor exploded on her tongue. Memories of their love, and special times they had spent together, flashed across her mind. Marlena’s hands threaded into his hair, holding him to her, because she was frightened to let him go. She was frightened that he might look at her in regret, and leave her lying there alone, while he went in search of Kristen, but then, she felt his hand trailing along her hip, and she felt the deep rumble of his groan deep in his chest. Urging him on, her body arched into him, and she raked her nails over the hot skin of his bare back.

John’s flesh was on fire, and he wanted more, but they needed to talk about what was happening. This was so sudden, so unexpected…they had been talking, and they weren’t. “Doc,” he rasped, pulling away from her. His forehead rested on hers, and his breath wafted over her lips, as he said, “Doc, we need to—”

“—No!” she cried. “No. No talking. Not tonight…I just want to feel something…I need to feel cared for,” she said, panting against his lips. “I’m tired of feeling so alone. Please, John, don’t make me beg you.”

“Fuck, Doc…you would never have to beg me.”

With desperation in her voice, she says softly, “But I would…John, I would beg you…right now, I would…”

Her words caused his cock to surge in his boxers, lengthening and swelling even more, “Our emotions are high—”

Marlena’s body bucked into his, frustration and loss, fear and passion, all rolled together. She cried out in near agony of want, “John!”

Without anymore words, he rolled over her, onto her back, straddling her body, and looking down at her. There was no apprehension there. What he saw was unbridled arousal, and he knew, they were going to have to talk later. His abdomen clenched, and his cock bobbed. Fingers shaking with apprehension and anticipation, John unbuttoned her pajama top, spreading it open over her bare chest, and cupped her breasts, watching her head roll to the side, as she moaned. There was no stopping this now. Leaning down, his lips sucked her nipple into his mouth, and he felt the thrill of pain as she pulled at his hair. He pulled harder, laving his tongue over the sensitive flesh, and biting at the tip. “You are fucking gorgeous,” he growled. “And we are going to talk about this…”

“Later…” she groaned, pushing at her pajama bottoms in haste to remove them. “Not now.”

“Definitely not now,” John replied, nearly coming in his briefs. John rolled off of her, removing his only article of clothing, and then rolled back onto her, spreading her legs with his knees. His mouth took hers again, as his hips pushed his cock onto her pelvis, and he groaned, “Foreplay is going to have to wait, Doc—”

She bit him. Hard. She bit his neck, and licked over the flesh with a grin, knowing it would leave a mark for everyone to see tomorrow. Everyone to see, and Kristen to know, that John was no longer available. 

The pain she left behind was erotic, and John groaned, “Fuck, Doc! Do it again.”

Her mouth latched onto the skin of his neck, and she sucked deep, licking over it, and biting him again, as she felt arousal drip from her body. “Please…John…” she moaned. “I need you so much…I need you…”

He spreads her legs wider, staring at her and breathing hard, “That’s good, baby, because I can’t fucking wait any longer.” The length of him slid into her, in one thrust, and Marlena screamed him name. A smug smile slid over his face, as he leaned his weight on her, whispering in her ear, “Shhh, Doc, there’s people in the house.”

“I don’t care,” she moaned, unable to stop herself. “G-d! You feel so good…I don’t care!”

John’s hips started thrusting, pushing into her roughly, neither one able to hold back, and Marlena cried out again. Clapping his hand over her mouth, he said roughly, “Soon, Doc. Soon, we’re going to do this again, and your screams are going to ring off of the fucking walls!”

She careened into her orgasm within moments, screaming into his hand and biting at his palm, while John bit her shoulder to hold in his own roar of completion. Rolling to the side, they held each other, and Marlena whispered, “I’m not giving you up again.”

“You aren’t?”

“I’m not. I won’t… she whispered.

“Are you ready to talk now?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Marlena replied. “You’re mine.”

“I am?” he asked her with a grin.

“You told me once…you said all I had to do was come to you, and you would take me, on whatever terms I asked.”

Kissing her softly, he whispered, “I did. Do you have terms?”

“Love me?”

“I already do, Doc,” he whispered, before he started kissing her again. “I find those terms acceptable.”

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

March 15, 1996 – The Towel/Soap Scene at the Loft

“It’s not like we haven’t…”

**I used this as a memory in Caged Valkyrie, but I cut it off with Kristen interrupting. This time I’m going to see where it goes…**

“Oh, John…I thought—” Marlena was startled to see John arriving home, while she was digging through cabinets in the kitchen looking for soap. There had been none in the bathroom, and in desperation, she’d run downstairs, hoping to find some in the cabinets. She held her towel tightly around her body, and watched him with wide eyes, thinking that he was more beautiful every time she saw him. Her breath hitched, when he walked by her, and the scent of his cologne pervaded her senses. She had to force herself to breath normally, hoping he wouldn’t notice her reaction to him.

John watched her closely. He’d been picking up on weird emotions from her. Stares that lasted too long. Conversations that turned awkward. “—That I was Stefano?” John asked her, as he looked over her barely covered body, and stepped around her to get into the kitchen. “You’re safe here, Doc. There’s a cop right outside that door.” He glanced at her again, scanning over her curves, those amazing long legs, and drinking in the sight of her with his eyes. He was trying to act like he was focused on the task at hand, unloading the groceries, but he was obviously distracted by her, since he kept giving her sideways glances. 

Marlena felt her body reacting to his stares; a tense throbbing began in her center, and caused her body to shiver. John was watching her with barely concealed interest, noting that her nipples were obviously tightening underneath the fabric of the towel, which lead to her stumbling over her next words,“I just thought that, um…I was in the shower and, um, I couldn’t find any soap. I…” 

“Today’s your lucky day. I got some right here,” he said pulling the bar out of one of the shopping bags, but not handing it to her, instead holding it near his chest, and watching her. He could have handed it to her, but he wanted her closer. Marlena tried to reach for the soap, and almost lost her towel in the process, grasping it at the last moment, and holding on to it tightly.

John’s eyes lit up, and he smirked, “You know, there’s really no need to be embarrassed. It’s not like we haven’t…” She was looking at him, her mouth slightly open, confused for a moment. John was sending off signals, like he was aroused, and interested, but Marlena thought he didn’t feel that way about her. She shook her head, as if she was clearing it, and put her hand out for the soap. Instead of handing it to her, John continued to hold it close to his body, and watched her. Marlena nervously stepped forward to retrieve it, and John reached out, grabbing her hand, pulling her closer. With her body flush with his, he reached forward, and brushed some loose strands of hair off of her shoulder, while breathing her in. 

He was flirting. Marlena stared up at him in surprise, and arousal, unable to do anything but watch him, and wait. John slowly leaned towards her ear, and whispered, “Do you need help washing your back, Doc?”

Marlena wasn’t entirely sure what what happening, it seemed like he was hitting on her, but she didn’t want it to end. Tipping her head to John’s ear, she whispered, her breath wafting over his skin, “Are you offering?”

He took a deep breath, breathing her in, his teeth nipped at her ear lobe, and he asked her in a rough voice, “Are you accepting?” 

She continued to stare at him wide-eyed. She was scared. Did she jump with both feet or run away like she usually did? Closing her eyes, she continued to focus on her breathing, and then she felt the featherlight touch of his finger tracing along the edge of her towel. When he reached her hand, where she held her towel in a vice-like grip, her eyes flew open, staring up at him. He was watching his finger trail along her skin, and he whispered, “You are so fucking soft.”

Marlena moaned involuntarily, surprising herself, and causing John’s eyes to lift up to hers quickly, “Do you want me to stop?”

She shook her head in the negative, and waited with bated breath, wondering if he would walk away from her, or if he would continue to test her. She silently prayed he would push her, challenge her, see how far she would go. Slowly removing his jacket, he laid it on the kitchen countertop, and reached for her hand. She shivered, and she wasn’t sure if she was cold, or so aroused, her body might spontaneously combust. Without a word, John started walking towards the stairs of the loft, and she followed behind him without question.

At the top of the landing, Marlena said softly, “John?”

Stepping into her personal space, his hands gripped her upper arms, and his body weight pushed her into the wall by his bedroom, John said, staring down at her, “Do you want me to stop, Doc?”

“What are we doing?” she asked in a low voice.

“Whatever the fuck we want to do,” he replied, running his finger over her collarbone again.

“Okay” she whispered, accepting his vague answer. She would let him do whatever he wanted to do to her. 

John’s hand lightly touched her hip, smoothing over her ass, and reaching behind her thigh, playing lightly with the bottom edge of her towel. “I should stop touching you. I know I should, but I came home, and there you were, this delectable, sexual goddess, in my kitchen waiting for me,” he said softly, as his other hand traced over her shoulder, and threaded into her hair. “I started getting hard, just smelling you.”

His words entranced her, and Marlena’s hand moved to the top button on his shirt. Her decision was made. One button at a time, she revealed his chest to her eyes, and John just watched her, waiting to see what she would do next. Laying her palms flat on his chest they both sighed. Pushing her hands up, and over his shoulders, she pushed his shirt to the floor, and leaned forward, running the tip of her nose of the center of his chest, breathing in his scent.

John grabbed her hands, stopping her, and told her roughly, “Take off the towel, Doc.”

Lost in his eyes, her lips slightly parted, she released her hold on the bath towel, and let it drop to the floor, so that it puddled at her feet. Her hands went to his belt, unfastening it slowly. Marlena studied his eyes. She tried to read him. She wanted to know what was going on in his mind. Neither one of them had said much, by the way of their feelings, or even what they were thinking, and she didn’t want to ruin this moment by bringing up Kristen. She hadn’t had sex in years, there was no way she was going to stop this. Instead, very softly Marlena whispered, “Take off your pants, John.”

His heart stuttered. This was what he wanted. A Marlena who took charge, set his blood on fire. Who was this vixen standing in front of him? He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Once his pants were off, John stepped closer, grabbing her hair roughly, and pulling her head back, “If we do this, Doc…you’re mine. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” she said softly. “Oh, G-d, yes. I understand.”

His mouth attacked her with a fury borne from years of want. Marlena’s fingers wound their way into his hair, and she kissed him with all of the pent up passion she possessed. While his lips devoured her, his large palms swept up the back of her thighs lifting her body to his, and Marlena’s legs wrapped around him as he carried her into the bedroom. 

At the side of his bed, John placed her on her feet, telling her, “Lay on the edge of the bed, baby.” He stood, watching her like a voyeur, and said, “Spread your legs.” Sinking to his knees, he pulled her body to the beds edge, and he pushed her thighs wide, saying, “The last time I tasted you, we were married.”

Marlena nearly lost her mind. Her pussy throbbed, and she felt liquid slip from her body, at his words. Her head rolled to the side, as she whimpered, “John!”

She could feel the heat of his breath along her inner thigh, and she felt the tip of his finger brush over her clit with a quick flick. Her hips bucked up involuntarily, and in the next instant, his hands pinned her hips to the bed, and the flat of his tongue licked her, in one long stroke from the bottom of her pussy to the top. John voice rasped, “You fucking taste amazing.”

Licking her again, he groaned into her, biting at her lips, and licking her inner thigh. He sucked at her tender flesh, pulling with powerful suction, marking her skin, and moved to her other leg, biting, and then sucking her skin into his mouth. Marlena whimpered, and whined, begging him for more, “John, please! Please! I need to come.”

John flipped her body, onto her belly, and he licked his way up her back, pushing her body into the bed with his weight, pulling her arms above her head. Spreading her thighs with his knees, he laid over her, and said in her ear, “Who do you belong to, baby?”

“You!” she cried. “Oh, G-d! I belong to you!

He slid into her body, with a roar, and the sensations, and the heat of her was so intense, he saw stars, “Fuck! Fuck! Aw!” His hips started moving immediately, and he bit her shoulder. He couldn’t stop himself, and Marlena’s whimpers and moans, her cries of ecstasy, had him thrusting so hard, the headboard was slamming into the wall.

Marlena starting coming, but still he kept on, pinning her down with his large frame, and hitting that spot inside her that had her coming again almost as soon as the first one stopped. The pulse and pull of her flesh on his, pushed John headlong into his own release soon after.

Both of them, breathing hard, continued to lie there, in the same position for a long moment, until John whispered, “Am I too heavy, baby?”

“No,” she whispered. “You feel good.” She felt his cock, still hard inside of her, and she wiggled her hips a little, smiling.

“G-d, woman, you feel so good,” he said, biting her neck. Sliding his arms underneath her, he rolled them into their sides, and he whispered in her ear, “You ready for me to wash your back.”

“Are you offering?”

“Are you accepting?”

“I am,” she said softly, pulling his hand up to her lips. “Whatever you’re offering me…I accept.”

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

April 30, 1996 – Marlena Find’s John’s Letter in a Book

“Tell me how you feel.”

Marlena held the letter gripped in her hand tightly. She walked towards her bedroom window looking down into the garden. She could see Kristen down there with John, and she turned away quickly, saying to herself, “He was so emotional that night night in Aremid. Maybe he was just caught up in the past…maybe once he had time to think about the future, he…maybe he decided that he wanted to be with Kristen…” But as she thought about it, she realized that it didn’t fit, “No. No. John is with Kristen…because he thinks that I don’t love him…and I do. I do!” The tears in her eyes, were making everything blurry, but the joy in her heart, had her smiling. Deciding that she couldn’t be silent any longer, Marlena said, “It’s time that I told him that.”

Downstairs, she saw John enter the house, and Marlena ducked back behind the door. Her doubts returned with a vengeance. She wondered to herself, Can I do this? Can I stand the pain, if John says he’s changed his mind? That he loves Kristen more than he loves me? I know John! He wouldn’t have written this letter, if he hadn’t meant every word. I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been. Standing up straighter, and shaking out her hair, she stepped around the door, and walked into the living room, straight towards John. 

John looked up, and smiled. Her hair looked soft, and shiny. Her clothes are impeccable. All he wanted to do was mess it all up, shove her against the nearest wall, and shove his fingers into her hair. His mind had been having the most vivid fantasies, and dreams about her. He felt like it was taking over his life, and living with Doc in the house, seeing her when he walked into a room, smelling her perfume in the hallway, it was all so much harder when he had to constantly control his impulse to reach for her. Forcing himself to be casual, he said, “Heya, Doc. Going out to enjoy the weather?” 

“No. I came to talk to you,” she said. “About something really important.”

Fuck, John thought to himself. Her lips are so fucking pouty. I just want to lick over them. Shaking his head slightly, he glanced up, and said, “What?”

Marlena smiled. He’d been staring at her lips, and she felt satisfaction in that. “I wanted to talk to you…about us. About you and me..” Suddenly feeling nervous, she turned away from him.

John was curious. She wanted to talk about them? He approached her from behind, “What about you and me, Doc?”

She was so nervous, she could barely think, “Well, I—I’ve been going over some things in my head, uh, conversations that we’ve had—”

“—what conversations?” he asked her. While her back was turned, John allowed his eyes to freely roam over her body.

“Well, oh…nothing really quite specific…but I…”

His heart started to pound a little faster, and he stepped closer, staring at the back of her head, “What?”

Marlena swallows thickly, and as she begins to turn back around, she said, “I think it’s time…that we be honest with each other. I have the feeling, from time to time, that you’ve been saying one thing to me, and maybe…feeling something else…and—and, of course, I can’t be entirely sure of that, but I think that’s part of our problem…we—we never really, um, exactly say what we’re feeling—I know why…we do that. It’s-it’s because so many people have been hurt in the past by, uh, by us acting on our feelings. I—I just think that we’ve learned to be very…cautious, and I guess, and that…”

John had never seen her so flustered, and now she was barely able to line up her words, and form a coherent sentence. Looking down at her, trying to catch her eyes, since she wouldn’t look at him, John said, “You guess what?”

She was having a hard time breathing, and took two deep breathes before she said, “I guess it’s time…that we speak to each other honestly, without reservations.”

John wasn’t sure what to say. If he said what was in his heart, if he told her what he’d been feeling since Aremid, and she turned away from him, it might break him. But she’s saying… He looks up at her, and said, “Doc, I’m, uh…what are you talking about—”

“—alright, alright…I will answer your question, if you will answer mine,” she said quickly. “Tell me how you feel about me. I don’t mean how you felt about me in the past. I mean, how you feel about me right now. Standing here right now, looking at me. Tell me how you feel. Tell me everything that you feel.”          

John’s mind began to spin, and everything he had thought, or felt about Marlena, since he almost died in Aremid, came bubbling to the surface. He was confused about where this was coming from, and why she was asking him this, so he said, “I don’t get it, Doc. Why are you suddenly asking me about my feelings for you?”

“Just answer me please,” she said softly.

“It’s not that simple. Look, you and I share a past…a child, but I’m involved with Kristen now,” he said, without much conviction.

Marlena felt her stomach drop, “I know that.”

“Then why these questions?”

“I have a reason.”

“But you won’t tell me what it is?” he asked her, staring at her seriously. 

Marlena smiled, “In the past, you and I have been very…hesitant with each other, very protective, and very unwilling to presume anything at all, and now, knowing what I know, maybe…we don’t have to do that any more.”

John’s heart started racing, “Knowing what you know? C’mon Doc, what are you talking about?”

“Oh, John,” she said stepping closer. She wasn’t sure what to say or what to do, and she found herself getting overwhelmed, and worried, that he was going to walk away from her, so she pulled the letter from her pocket, just as the telephone rang. John turned, as if to answer it, and she knew, she couldn’t wait any longer. Grabbing his arm, she pulled him from the living room, while he followed her in shock.

“Doc! The phone’s ringing,” he said, but he followed her anyway. He would follow her anywhere. He relished the feel of her small hand gripping his, and pulling him along. Briefly in the back of his mind, he remembered Kristen was still in the garden, and yet, still, he followed Marlena up the stairs and into her room.

She pulled him inside, shutting the door and locking it behind her, and said, “We have to finish this conversation, and we can’t be interrupted!”

“Doc, I don’t understand!”

She stepped in front of him, pulling the letter John wrote in Aremid from her pocket, and handed it to him, saying, “Did you mean this?”

John’s eyes scanned over the letter. The same letter that he was convinced had been lost, and he looked back up at Marlena, “Where did you find this?”

“In a book…the book you loaned me the other night to read,” she whispered.

“That was…Kristen’s book. What was it doing in there?” he wondered. 

“I don’t know. I don’t care…can you answer my question?” she asked him, growing increasingly desperate.

“Doc,” he said, rasping slightly, because his throat was so tight. “Doc, if you read this…you already know.”

Tears shined in her eyes, and she stepped even closer to him, whispering, “Could you tell me? Could you say it out loud?”

“I’m afraid,” he whispered.

She stepped even closer, and she whispered, “I’m petrified. I’m afraid, too, John. if I open my heart to you, and I show you what’s inside, if I tell you what’s inside…what if you still deny me? That’s what kept me quiet for so long.”

Fuck it, he thought. “It’s true,” John said. “It’s all true. I still…I still love you. I never stopped, even when you pushed me away, and demanded that I let you keep your family together…I wanted you. That night in the hot springs. I wanted you. The day you came to the loft and I gave you the christening gown for Belle. I wanted you. That time in your penthouse when we were eating fucking Chinese food! I wanted you! Doc, I always want you, but you…Doc, our affair destroyed your marriage.”

“I love you…I love you. When I came home, John, all those years ago…I came home to you. I was married to you,” she said, reaching for his face. “I was confused by everything that happened with Roman, and I tried to make it work, because I felt like I was supposed to, but John, it never would have worked. Never, because I was in love with you!” Unable to stop herself, Marlena kissed him. She threaded her fingers through John’s hair, gently scratching her nails over his scalp, which made him moan, and she kissed him. 

He was in momentary shock, at the feel of her mouth on his, her lips plying his, and the softness she was kissing him with. It was slow, it was gentle, it was a quiet burn that could quickly get out of hand. John opened his mouth to groan in relief, want, and rightness for the moment. Marlena’s tongue swept in, rendering him completely helpless. The slow swipe, of her soft skin against his, the taste of her. He couldn’t stop, and his hands moved down her back, and over the soft swell of her hips, pulling her closer. 

Thoughts of Kristen invaded his mind, and he tried to pull back, moaning, “Doc…”

Marlena looked at him, her eyes half-lidded and her mouth pouty, and said, “Please don’t stop.”

“I’ve got to—fuck, we can’t do this yet,” he said breathlessly, taking a step back, and running his hands through his hair helplessly. He was falling back into Marlena, and this time he was the one in a committed relationship. Walking towards the window, he looked down and saw that Kristen was still in the garden.

“Yet?” Marlena asked.

“I’ve got to—to talk to Kristen. I have to tell her…” he said, turning to stare at Marlena. Her hair was a mess, and her clothing was wrinkled, and it took everything in him to hold himself back from ravaging her in that room. The way she looked right now, was exactly what he had fantasized about downstairs when he’d looked at her earlier.

Marlena stepped closer, and stared up at him, her eyes asking for more. She didn’t want to stop. She didn’t want him to run from this, and go find Kristen. This connection was still so fragile. A simple kiss, and a declaration of love wasn’t enough for her, “John…don’t go. Not yet.”

“Doc, I can’t…” he started to say, but her hand swept over his mouth, and her eyes were pulling him in.

“Kiss me, John.”

There was nothing he could do, when she looked at him that way, and whispered his name. John reached for her, brushing the hair back from her face, while he stared down at her. John knew, if he kissed her again, after the way she’d just whispered his name, he might be lost in her, but he couldn’t stop this. His arm wrapped around her waist, tugging her against him, and his other hand threaded into her hair, gently pulling her head back.

Marlena gasped, feeling her body clench, and she waited with anticipation for his next move. She touched his face gently, stroking her fingers softly down his jaw, and she whispered, “I want to feel your mouth on mine…and I’ve been waiting so long.”

The pleading sound in her voice, combined with the soft rasp of her whisper, had John’s body nearly vibrating with want. “Fuck, Doc,” he said roughly, clenching his fingers in her hair, and making her gasp again. Marlena’s tongue licked over her lips, wetting them, and John’s mouth fell on hers with a force neither of them could stop, licking at her and biting at her.

Downstairs in the garden, Kristen began to wonder what was taking John so long inside the house. She still hadn’t found the letter. She’d been caught by Marlena earlier, when she’d been in her room searching for it, and she couldn’t afford for John and Marlena to find their way back to each other. She stood up, stretching her back, and just happened to glance up to the window of Marlena’s bedroom, just as John pushed Marlena into it.

John turned Marlena, pushing her body against the window, and mumbling over her lips, “When we were downstairs…I wanted so badly to mess up your clothes, your hair…I wanted to mess you up so badly,” he groaned.

Marlena was panting, “I want you so much, but not here…not here…”

Licking over her neck, John whispered, “I love you so fucking much, Doc. So much…”

Pulling his mouth back to hers, she kissed him again, and said, “I love you…”

John and Marlena were startled by a loud banging on the bedroom door, followed by a rattling of the handle, as Kristen screamed, “I saw you! Open the door! I saw you!”

John looked at the door, sighing loudly, and then, looking at Marlena, he said, “This isn’t over.”

“You promise?” Marlena asked him.

John held her face in his hands, as Kristen continued to pound on the bedroom door, and he said, “I promise.”

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

May 13, 1996 – John’s Drugged Hypnosis

“It’s in your eyes…your voice. You can’t hide it.”

John shifted on the bed, moaning and restless. Laura looked at Marlena, “I wonder what he’s remembering now?”

“I hate this for him. He’s suffered so much. He shouldn’t have to relive all of this now,” Marlena said quietly, watching him from across the room. 

Laura watches her drift across the room to stare down at the man she is so obviously in love with. Following her, Laura gently places her hand upon Marlena’s back.

“Oh, I just hate to see him suffer,” Marlena whispers, trying to keep her voice low to avoid startling John in his drugged state. 

“It’s a good thing that no one is here right now,” Laura tells her. “Your love for him…”

“What?”

“It’s in your eyes…your voice. You can’t hide it.”

Marlena looks around helplessly. She does love him, and she knows Laura is right. Flustered, she says, “Maybe you should handle this. I don’t have to be here for it.”

Laura follows Marlena as she starts to leave the room, “What good is getting away from it going to do? Is it going to change the way you feel? Just face it, Marlena! I mean, you’re in love with him, and this letter…it’s only made you long that much more, that he loves you, too!”

Marlena turns to face Laura, and says, barely above a whisper, “It doesn’t matter what I want.” Then louder, “So many people have been hurt already.”

Laura smiles, listening to Marlena say the same thing she’s said before, “I knew you were going to say that, but I have something else in mind.”

“What?”

“I think, if you really knew how John feels, you couldn’t help but tell him you still love him,” Laura told her. 

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well, if we…ask him, while he’s still under the influence of drug…he’ll answer truthfully.”

“Ask him what?” Marlena wanted to know, but she already knew what Laura was going to say. She was stalling because two parts of herself were at war. The clinical, moral professional side, which absolutely knew that asking John anything personal while he was under the effects of the drug was ethically wrong, and the other side, the woman who loved John with her whole being, who desperately wanted to know if he loved her too. 

“I’m going to ask him, if he’s still in love with you,” Laura said. “And if he loves you more than he loves Kristen.”

Marlena felt her heart speed up, and she immediately said, “Laura, no! I—I can’t do that. I can’t take advantage of John, when he’s in this state.”

Laura disagrees, “How is it taking advantage of him? I mean, the drugs haven’t worn off yet, and why not ask him how he feels about you?”

“I’m not—I’m not sure that I want to know the answer to that. Not if it’s going to hurt people.”

“What about your pain?” Laura said loudly. “Why is it that you’re always so quick to devalue your own feelings?” Marlena stares at Laura surprised that her friend said that, but she remains silent, as Laura continues, “Marlena, you know that I don’t wish Kristen, or the baby, harm. It’s just that you and John have such a special love, and if he’s in love with you…more than he is Kristen, she’s going to be hurt anyway. You need to know how John truly feels in his heart!”

Marlena stares at her best friend helplessly, and watches as she rounds the bed nearing John. Laura sits on the bed next to him, touching his arm lightly, and he flinches, groaning loudly. Laura says, “John? Can you hear me?”

Mumbling, John replies, “Yes…I can hear you.”

Laura says softly, “Good…I want to ask you a few more questions, and I want you to answer from your heart—“

“—no! I can’t—I can’t, I can’t do this! This—it isn’t right—I can’t do it to John, or Kristen, or the baby! Please, don’t do this…” Marlena pleaded.

Laura looked up at Marlena sadly, and said, “Fine. I’ll go check on the others.” Laura walked away, closing the door behind her with a soft snick.

Watching Laura leave the room, Marlena was torn. John was lost somewhere in his mind, as he lay on the bed. She couldn’t help but go to him. Sliding next to him, she whispered, “John…if only I knew how you really felt…if only I knew.” 

He could smell her, he was surrounded by her. In all the chaos of his mind at that moment, he sensed safety nearby. Rolling towards her, John moaned, “Doc…oh, Doc.”

His face came to rest on her chest, and he nuzzled into her, causing Marlena’s breath to catch in her throat. She loved him so much. Her fingers made their way to his nape, playing through his hair, and he groaned again. Reaching around her, he pulled her closer, and Marlena whispered, “What is it, John? What are you thinking?”

“Doc…Doc,” he moaned. In his mind her could see her, standing across from him. He had to tell her. She had to know how he felt.

John’s hand slid up Marlena’s neck, and his mouth started kissing her neck. At the feel of his moist lips on her skin, Marlena gasped softly, “John?”

“I have to tell you…I love you,” he mumbled, kissing her softly. “Doc, I love you.” Slowly his eyes opened, and he lifted his head, looking up to find Marlena with him, holding him. “Oh, Doc,” he moaned, touching her face lightly, and wrapping his hand around her neck.

Marlena’s eyes closed, allowing herself to feel his touch, and absorb what he was offering, even if he wasn’t fully aware. The feel of his face rubbing her neck, and his hand lacing into her hair, caused her to moan softly, “John.”

This felt real. He thought he’d been dreaming, but the warmth he felt, her scent, the feel of her hair…and the sound of her voice. John opened his eyes again. He wasn’t dreaming. He was there with her, and the moment, the moment was real, “Doc?”

Marlena smiled at him softly, “I’m here, John.”

“You stayed with me,” he said quietly, slowly coming back to himself.

“I told you I would…I promised I wouldn’t leave you,” she said softly, starting to pull away from him. 

“Don’t,” he said, holding her close to him. “Don’t.” His face continued to rub along her neck, and he took deep breaths of her, holding it in his lungs. He still felt woozy, as if he wasn’t quite himself, but he couldn’t…he wouldn’t let her go just yet. “I—I need you to stay with me. To lay with me,” he whispered, kissing her neck again.

“John, you—you don’t know what you’re doing,” she whispered roughly.

“Don’t leave me,” he pleaded, pulling her body down, so she was flush against him. “Don’t leave me,” he said against her mouth. 

He started kissing her, and Marlena wanted to respond. She wanted to get lost in his lips, and his tongue, and his hands, but she couldn’t. “John,” she mumbled under his lips. “John, honey—”

“Mmmm,” he moaned. “You taste so good.”

His wet tongue lapped over her mouth, silently begging her to open up to him. Marlena pushed his chest slightly, and leaned back. “You—you might regret this…” she said breathlessly. “You have to think about Kristen…you love Kristen.”

“I love you,” he said, threading his fingers into her hair, and pulling her mouth to his. He mumbled again over her mouth, “I love you.”

“John,” she gasped, as he licked over her lips again, and this time she opened her mouth. Her tongue swept alongside his with wild abandon, and she gasped his name over and over again. She knew she should stop this, but she couldn’t. She wanted his kisses. She felt like she needed them.

Pushing her onto her back, John stared down at her. Her eyes were blown with arousal, and her lips were puffy from the force of his kisses. “Doc,” he whispered.

Marlena stared up at him, lost in his deep blue gaze, “Hmmm…”

“While I’m still feeling brave…do you love me?”

Marlena knew he was coming out of the effects of the drug. He was aware, but still showing signs of weakened inhibitions, and she worried that he would regret this later. “John, the drugs…maybe we should wait to discuss—”

“No. Now. Do you love me?”

“John…” she whispered.

“I love you, Doc. Fuck, I love you so much, and I’ve been so scared to tell you…and maybe I can only say it now, because I’m still feeling the effects of the drug, but, Doc…Doc, I love you. I feel that, so I need to know…do you love me?” he said 

She could see it in his eyes, he was cognizant. He knew what he was doing, and what he was saying, so she gave him her answer, “Yes.”

“Say it,” he said softly. “Tell me.”

“I love you, John,” she whispered. “Not like a friend, although you are my dearest friend, but I am in love with you.”

“Kiss me,” he said, pulling her mouth back to his.

“We need to talk,” she said.

“Later,” he whispered over her lips. “Right now, I need to feel you against me. I want to taste your mouth, and I want to—”

“John—John, we can’t do this here…we can’t do this—yet—”

“I know that,” he said roughly, sucking at her neck. “Why can’t I stop?”

“The drug—John, you’re still…it’s lowering your inhibitions,” she gasped. “That’s why we can’t do this. We need to talk.”

John pulled away from her, “Talk?”

“Yes, John, talk,” she said, touching his face softly.

“I want you,” he groaned, rubbing his face in her neck. 

“If you still want me, after the drug wears off…G-d, John…” she moaned softly. “I won’t stop you.”

John smiled against the skin of her chest, resting his cheek on her, and said, “Okay, let’s talk.”

END SCENE

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

May 17, 1996 – John Tries to Stop Marlena From Moving Out of the DiMera Mansion

“Well…she’s just terribly sweet.”

Kristen was in Rachel’s room with Peter, trying to reconnect with the mother she thought was dead. John decided to go looking for Marlena. He needed to thank her for everything she had done today. Helping them unravel the mystery of the Woman in White…and being with him while he was under the effects of the drug. He had felt her presence next to him nearly the whole time. As he approached Marlena’s bedroom door, intent to knock, he noticed that it was already slightly ajar. He poked his head in, intending to announce himself, when he noticed the open luggage on the bed, and the folded clothes in her hands. Her expression was one of sadness and defeat, but he didn’t understand why. John said, “What are you doing, Doc?”

Marlena seemed startled, “Oh! John.”

He entered the room, closing the door softly behind him, and asked her again, “What are you doing? Why are you packing?” John approached her open luggage at the end of her bed, peering inside briefly, and then looking at Marlena, waiting for her answer. She had her back to him, but when she turned around she looked guilty. She looked caught.

Marlena had hoped to pack and be gone while John was distracted, but he’d managed to find her in the midst of packing. She knew he was going to fight her on this. He was going to beg her to stay, but watching him with Kristen was breaking her heart. “Well, I-I-I’m packing because I’m, uh, I’m going home. It’s time for me to be there, and it’s perfectly safe at the penthouse,” she says as she continues packing. “The alarm system is working, and there’s been not a sign of Stefano.” John is too close. His scent is pervading her mind. Marlena walks away to get a sweater she has folded across the room, and John follows her frantically. Still too close.

“Oh, stop it, Doc! You know Stefano! He’s not going to give up on you! He will be back!” This can’t be happening. John can’t understand why Marlena would decide to go now, when it seems to be most dangerous. 

“Well…perhaps, but the FBI is looking for him, and the Salem PD, so, if he comes back, it won’t be for a very long time,” she says with forced courage, walking away from John and back towards the bed where her luggage is located.

Approaching her from behind, John says, “I don’t want you back in the penthouse. I don’t want Belle there, either.”

“I’ve got to be back in my own place,” she says, still refusing to face him.

John watches as she starts to walk away from him, and he reaches for her in desperation. His hand grips her upper arm, spinning her body to face him, as he says, “I’ll tell you what. You stay right here, until Stefano makes a move, then I’ll nail him, alright—”

“I can’t hide forever!” Marlena responds in frustration. She can’t hide forever, but she also can’t continue to live with John and Kristen. The look on John’s face has her wanting to change her mind, and she can’t. She can’t continue to stay there and watch John go into Kristen’s bedroom every night. She can’t continue to run into him in the mornings, after his morning jog, and want to run her hands over his glistening chest. She can’t. She turns away from him, because she’s so afraid he’ll see what’s in her heart. She’s afraid she’ll say what’s in her heart.

“Well, Doc, listen, if you go back to the penthouse, I can’t protect you there!” John said, raising his voice in exasperation.

“You can’t always protect me anyway,” she says, picking up a lace nightgown and folding it carefully.

John watched her for a moment, the way her delicate fingers slid over the lace bodice softly, and then he said emphatically, “I can, because I want to…please?”

John’s plea sent thrills through her body, and only made her love him more, if that were possible. She turned to face him slowly, with her nightgown still clutched in her fingers, and she smiled at him gently, “I know you do.” His pleas don’t change her mind though, she knows she has to go, because staying hurts her too much. Just before she walks towards her luggage she whispers softly, “It’s better this way.”

As she brushes past him, her scent envelopes him in lilacs and vanilla. John breaths deeply, and is struck by the image of her on the bed underneath him. John shivers. He’s so scared that Stefano might get her. Scared that he might never see her again, and he knows it’s more than friendship. If he loses her, he loses a part of his very soul. Marlena brushes by him again, intent on getting the rest of her things, and John steps up behind her, so close that she can feel him against her and his heat surrounds her. Reaching around her shoulders, he pulls her closer. “Doc! Please. Don’t go. Please, don’t go. Please stay. I’m begging you to stay here,” he whispers in her hair in a husky voice. 

It’s been so long since someone held her, and having his arms around her, hearing his voice begging her to stay, no matter what the reason, it caused a physical reaction of want to ache deep inside her. John’s breath wafting over the skin of her face, his lips pressing to her forehead, all it made her ache for more. “John?” she whispered. “Why is it so important to you that I stay?”

“Oh…” he said, rubbing his face into the soft sweetness of her hair. He was lost in her, and the fear of losing her was taking over his mind. “Because I love you,Doc,” he murmured.

Marlena’s heart thumped wildly, as she wondered what he meant. Did he love her as a dear friend, or was he in love with her? Because those were very different meanings. Turning to face him, her eyes alight with hope, she asks him, “You love me?”

Without thinking, John replies with the softest voice, “Of course, I love you, Doc.” Instantly he remembers Kristen, and the baby, and he starts to pull back, saying, “I’ll always…have a special love for you.”

And if he could have broken her heart for a second time, he did with that one phrase. Marlena let loose a sob, pulling away from him, and walking towards her luggage to finish packing, while tears streamed over her cheeks. She brushed at them quickly, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

John stepped up behind her, “You’re right. I won’t always be able to protect you, but as long as you’re here, I’ll know that you’re safe.”

Marlena couldn’t look at him. Everything she was feeling would be obvious if she faced him right now, so she whispered, “I appreciate your concern…your place is with Kristen, she’s the one who needs you right now.”

John couldn’t figure out how to get Marlena to understand how much this meant to him. He absolutely refused to allow her to leave, and he felt his emotions running away from him as he tried to convince her. “I’ll be here for her,” he said. “But if you’re here also, I can protect both of you.”

Marlena wiped at her eyes again, “I’ll just be in the way.”

“Look at me,” John said, turning her to face him. “Kristen wants you to stay here also,” he said, trying to grasp at excuses, anything to convince Marlena to stay. “She-she said so.”

Marlena snorted softly, “Well…she’s just terribly sweet.” She tried to turn away, but John held her fast, refusing to let her go.

“Doc,” he said, tipping his head down and trying to make eye contact with her. “Doc, please.”

“I can’t,” she whispered softly.

“You can’t? Doc, I’m begging you to stay,” he said. He hadn’t felt this out of control, this desperate since that night on the plane when Belle was conceived, and that had gotten them nowhere good.

She finally looked up at him, tears shining in her eyes, “I can’t. I-I…I can’t.”

“Doc! You’re not making any sense,” John said with growing desperation. 

Marlena pulled away from him, turning to walk away, but John grabbed her again, more roughly, swinging her around to face him. She was angry, she was sad, and she was despondent. With tears falling freely down her cheeks, she whispered, “Please don’t do this, John.”

“Doc,” he pleaded, unsure of what he was pleading for. She was hurting, deeply, and she wanted to leave this house. John felt like he couldn’t let her go. He couldn’t. He wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs, afraid that if he released her, she might walk away again. “Please stay,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her softly. Pulling back, he said, “I need you here…I-I want to keep you safe.” But John knew it was more than that, and he gently kissed her again, trying to keep the intense emotion he was feeling out of it, but needed to be close to her. He needed to keep her from Stefano, and the only way to do that was to keep her with him. Marlena sobbed again, against his mouth, and tried to pull away. Staring into her eyes, John saw sadness, but he also saw confusion…and desire? Her eyes were half-lidded, and her mouth open slightly as she took shallow breaths. 

Without thought, John’s fist wrapped into her pearl necklace, and he pulled her forward, looking deeply into her eyes. He couldn’t speak, afraid that the sound of his voice might rupture this moment and replace it with rational thought. He didn’t want to be rational, and he couldn’t stop himself. Months of want. Months of lust. Months of love, and desire, and friendship. John kissed her again, a little more forcefully. When Marlena moaned into his mouth, he felt the shiver of desire roll through him. Releasing her quickly, John strode to her bedroom door, flicking the lock into place, and then grabbed her hand, pulling her into the bathroom, and locking it as well.

When John turned to face her, without time to reconsider what he was about to do, or even who might be hurt by it, he pushed Marlena into the wall, and kissed her again. He didn’t want to think about all the reasons why this was wrong. He and Marlena were like two colliding atoms that were drawn to each other repeatedly, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He wasn’t sure he wanted to stop this. His lips drew her closer, and he licked over her mouth, biting at her soft pillowy, flesh. His tongue swept into the recesses of her mouth, and when her tongue swept alongside his, it was John’s turn to moan low in his throat. 

It briefly occurred to Marlena that this is what happened the night Belle was conceived. Their emotions were so heightened they’d lost control of themselves, and she knew it was happening again. She simply couldn’t stop it. Her fingers wove into his hair, pulling at it roughly, and her tongue swept over his lips. The taste of him exploded into her senses, and inside her mind screamed for more. She pulled his shirt from the waist of his jeans, scraping her fingernails over the skin of his lower back, and whined in the back of her throat. 

John could feel her fingers unbuttoning his shirt, and he pulled his mouth away from hers roughly, staring down at her, trying to read her mind, and her features. What he saw there left him no doubt about what she wanted. She spread his shirt open, exposing his chest, and sliding her fingers through the coarse hair. Her thumb slid over his nipple, and he nearly roared, as more blood surged to his cock, making him moan out, “Fuck…” and then his fingers were shakily pulling open her jacket, and pushing it to the floor, followed quickly by her skirt.

John paused, glancing over her body, clad only in a white satin teddy and thigh high stockings. John couldn’t figure out how they had gone from a simple conversation, to a pyroclastic sexual explosion in the bathroom. He didn’t care. Marlena looked up at him, waiting for his next move, and she whispered, “Don’t stop” just as she pushed his shirt off of his shoulders. “Please, John…don’t stop,” she begged, licking along his shoulder, and biting at his collarbone.

When her dainty fingers, began pulling at his belt, any thoughts he had of stopping, left his mind. John had thought he would never have the chance to hold her and love her again, and later, he would have to dissect all of this, but in that moment, none of it mattered. When Marlena’s soft, warm hand encircled his length, all thought of right and wrong were gone, because John knew…this was right.

He watched as his fingers slowly slid underneath the straps at her shoulders, and John said, “You are so fucking beautiful, Doc.” His hips jerked involuntarily into her hands, as she stroked his length. “Fuck that feels good,” he whispered. Then he slowed, remembering the pain she’d suffered after their last affair, “Maybe we shouldn’t be do—”

“Stop,” she said harshly. “Don’t say it. Please, John, don’t say it.”

“Okay,” he whispered, watching the rest of her clothing slither to the floor. His hands slid over her ass, to the back of her thighs, and John lifted her onto the vanity, spreading her legs wide. “I can’t wait,” he rasped out. “I can’t—”

Marlena pulled his mouth back to hers, and she bit at his mouth to silence him, “Then don’t…”

Her plea reached the furthest depths of his soul, and when he slid into her warm, welcoming body, John knew…he knew, he could never let her go again.

END SCENE

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~