Kintsugi – By Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1

John sat on the arm of the couch, in his loft, gently running his fingers through Marlena’s hair, and over the top of her head. He watched the silken strands as they weaved around his hand, mesmerized by the different colors in it. He couldn’t bear to let her out of his sight, he’d had his hands on her in some manner since he’d rescued her from the morgue. Even driving home from St. Luke’s, his hand had been firmly entwined with hers. He had brought her to the loft, because he couldn’t handle the thought of her being in the penthouse, alone. Especially after what Stefano had done to her, just prior to her being possessed. While she seemed fine, physically, she was deathly quiet, and would randomly have tears silently streaming down her face. John knew she was suffering, and he worried that there was nothing he could do for her. He looked up as Mike finished his exam, and gathered his things together so he could leave. Leaning forward, John placed a lingering kiss on her forehead, before rising, and following Mike to the door, asking him softly, “Mike? Is she okay? She seems awful quiet.”

“Physically, she’s fine, John. But what we have to remember is that, in a sense, she was held hostage by the devil for months, and like any hostage, she’s going to experience some emotional trauma,” Mike was worried about Marlena, as well. He had watched her body struggle to stay alive throughout the time she was possessed. Mike had thought he’d seen her die, only to be tricked by the demon, once again.

John was silent for a moment while he processed what Mike said, finally telling him, “Her soul was held hostage, also.”

“Exactly. She’s going to need some emotional, and spiritual healing,” Mike said softly.

“I can give her that,” John said, making a decision to focus on Marlena, and help her heal her soul. He would make sure that she knew she was loved, and cherished. John would ensure that she knew, she was not responsible for any of the horrible things she felt she had committed, because one thing John knew for sure…he still loved her. He was still in love with her, and he would never give up on her. 

John’s realization that he was in love with her came when he thought she’d died.  During his time with Father Jansen, as he’d recalled everything they’d been through over the last six months, John had known. Yes, the demon used Marlena’s body in an attempt to seduce him, and steal his soul, but he knew, had the seduction continued, he’d have eventually given in. He’d wanted to give in. When the demon came to him in Kristen’s form, he’d refused her, pushed her away, but with Marlena, he could barely stop himself. If Kristen hadn’t arrived at Smith Island when she did, he wouldn’t have stopped. He would have made love to Marlena right there on the beach. Marlena drew him to her like a moth to flame. Even when he knew he shouldn’t be drawn to her, he was. He’d even been willing to break his vows to the priesthood. 

“I’ll be back soon,” Mike said before leaving.

“Yeah,” John said absently, turning back to gaze on a silent Marlena lying on the couch, staring off into space. He walked over, and crouched down before her, gently moving the hair back from her forehead. She looked at him in such a way that her soul was bared. He saw her fear, her sadness, and all of her insecurities. John cupped her jaw, holding her face steady in his large hand, and said to her softly, “Tell you what, why don’t you go upstairs, and take a nice, long, hot bath, and try to relax? Mike should be back soon with something to help you sleep, then I’ll be up.”

She looked at him with a slightly vacant expression, like she had been lost in her own world, and said, “Hmmm…yeah.” Reaching for John’s hand, she rose from the couch slowly. He pulled her into his arms, and held her, soaking in her warmth, relieved to have her back. Marlena tipped her head up to gaze into his eyes, and told him, “Thank you. I need you so much right now, so thank you.”

“Anything for you, Doc, anything,” John told her, kissing her softly on her lips, and watching her turn to go up the stairs. It was only in the last few hours, in his fight with the demon in the morgue, that John became aware of the overwhelming nature of his love for Marlena. He would literally die for her. He almost had died for her. The sheer size of his love for her consumed him, almost as if the love he felt for her was so massive, so all encompassing, that it didn’t all fit in his chest, and therefore, left him with a constant dull ache from holding it in. He feared he might lose her again at any moment, and the pain that came with that loss, had him wanting to push her away to avoid the possibility. 

It would be so easy to run to Kristen, especially since she’d left Tony, and put Marlena firmly in his past. It would certainly save his heart for the moment, but John knew, even if he moved on with Kristen, and he still lost Marlena, the pain would be the same, and it would be combined with guilt. The guilt would come from knowing that he had not done everything he could to help her, and from not loving her with all of the devotion, and care that she deserved. John had never been a coward before, he wasn’t going to start now. No matter where this love led him, his life would forever belong to Marlena.

After Mike dropped off the prescription for Marlena, John went upstairs to check on her. He hadn’t heard any noise from upstairs since the water had cut off earlier, and he was becoming concerned. He knocked on the door to the bathroom gently, and when he got no answer, he said, “Doc? Doc, it’s John.” He waited a few moments, but felt his anxiety rising, and checked to see if the door was locked. It wasn’t. John cracked the door slightly, sticking his head in, saying, “Doc?”

John’s heart slammed in his chest when he found her sitting in a tub of ice cold water, her lips were blue, her body was covered in goosebumps, and she was crying uncontrollably. Reaching for a towel, and wrapping it around her shoulders, John reached to release the plug, draining the cold water from tub. He started running more warm water, as soon as the tub was completely drained, adding some lilac scented bubble bath that he had gotten for her earlier. He was concerned. She was too quiet, and he needed to know what was going on in her head before he could even begin to help her. “Marlena, honey, you’ve got to talk to me. We’re going to get you through this, but I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on…”

“In my head…in my head,” she cried softly, hugging herself with her arms. “I know I didn’t do those things…but in my heart, John, in my heart, I just feel so guilty!”

John reaches for her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, and whispering in her ear, “I will never be able to understand what you went through. It’s a terrible trauma, and right now you’re emotionally spent, and that guilt that you’re feeling, is all part of that trauma. You are a very good person, Doc.” 

Marlena pulls back a little, looking into his eyes, “I know what you’re trying to do, but I did some really terrible things.”

“You had no control over your actions—” John started to say before Marlena cut him off.

“—but beforehand…I did…I could have stopped the affair with you before it ever started…but I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! And I, I hurt Roman. A man who only wanted to love me…and Sami! Sami was never the same after she found out…” Marlena said crying again, while staring at her fingers in the bubbles. She knew that her guilt over the affair with John, her fractured marriage, and her relationship with Sami, it had weakened her. It made her vulnerable to Stefano, and it made her vulnerable to possession. That’s where most of her guilt was coming from.

Once the tub was full of warm, steamy water, John switched off the tap, grabbed the wash cloth, and began washing Marlena’s body, while she spoke out loud every sin she felt she had ever committed. He couldn’t argue with her, or try and explain why she was wrong in how she was thinking. He just allowed her to say what she needed to say, get it out, and then he could help her heal from there. He just listened to her, and methodically washed her body. Reaching for her hand, John ran the washrag up her arm, and over her shoulder, finally saying, when she became silent again, “It was my fault too, Doc. Maybe even more so.”

“No,” she whispered. “I had a family. People who loved me, and trusted me, and I betrayed them.”

“We both betrayed them, but, Doc, I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t,” John told her quietly as he rans the soapy cloth over her back, and around her neck.

“John?” she asked him, turning to finally make eye contact.

“Doc, when we made love, it was- it was as pure as if we were married. Yes, we went about it the wrong way, and we hurt people, but Belle, she is as pure as the love the created her, and I wouldn’t change that for anything,” John told her, running his fingers softly over her jaw. 

She started crying again, thinking about what he said from his perspective, “You’re right, you’re right…I know you are…Thank you, John. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, either,” he said leaning forward, and kissing her forehead. “Do you need to wash your hair? Or are you ready to get out?”

“I’m ready to get out,” she said looking up at him. It was only then that she even considered her own nudity, and John had been in there with her for over a half an hour. She trusted him more than anyone else in the world, and while he was still a priest, she knew she loved him. She had never stopped loving him…but the guilt, the guilt literally almost destroyed her. John was right, though, their love was pure, and maybe the way they came together was wrong, but Belle…she was the purest form of that love. When Marlena considered that, the guilt abated somewhat. 

“Ok, hold on, I’ll grab another towel and be back.”

Chapter 2

“Hello, Celeste” Marlena said into the telephone.

“It’s you…” Celeste responded with abject fear in her voice.

Marlena started laughing, “How was your drive, Celeste?”

“You tried to kill me!” Celeste cried, remembering her car accident the night before.

Marlena kept laughing, as if it were a joke, “That was only a warning. If I wanted you dead, you’d be dead, and by something slower, and more painful than a car accident.”

“What do you want?”

“Bring me a pair of contact lenses. The same color as Marlena’s eyes.”

“Why?”

“I can’t wear dark glasses much longer. It’s causing too much suspicion.”

Marlena woke with hot tears streaming down her face, and a scream ripped from her throat, causing her pain. The blankets of her bed were tangled around her legs, and she screamed again in fear, feeling trapped, as she tried kicking them off. She was in a blind panic, still quagmired in her dream, while in the process of waking. She began gasping for air, unable to get enough in her lungs to breath properly, and then she felt him next to her on the bed, his strong hands on her body, soothing her, and his words in her ear, calming her, and bringing her back to the present.

“Doc, come back to me,” he whispered softly, his hands running over her back in a long, repetitive, sweep. Her breathing began to regulate slowly, occasionally coming in gasps, as she struggled to calm herself. John asked her in a quiet tone, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m broken. I feel so broken, and I don’t know if I can put myself together,” she cried against his bare chest, while he rocked her in his arms. 

“Baby, sometimes things that are broken can be more beautiful after they’re repaired,” he said, running his palm over her hair. She stayed silent, absorbing his heat, and feeling comfort in resting her cheek on his chest. His spicy scent was so familiar, and the rumble of his voice as he spoke to her, provided her with an additional feeling of safety, “Have you heard of kintsugi?”

“What?” she asked, pulling her head back, and looking at him.

“Kintsugi…it’s a type of Japanese pottery. It’s when broken pottery is repaired with gold or silver, and when it’s finished, the piece is even more beautiful…because it was broken,” he told her. 

“No, I’ve never…I’ve never heard of that,” she said. “But, it sounds like it would be beautiful.”

John ran his fingers over her face, and told her, “Doc, you are beautiful. You’ve been through hell, over and over again…and we’ll get through this. I will be with you, and when you’re healed, and put back together…it won’t hurt so badly anymore.”

“I dreamed about something I did…” she whispered, laying her head back down on his chest. “The demon caused Celeste to have a car accident. It threatened her…I threatened her, I guess, but I made her bring me contact lenses. Why would I do that?”

“You were hiding your eyes, because they were yellow…the demon wanted to hide your eyes,” he told her.

Marlena wrapped her arms around his waist, her cool fingers making their way under the edge of his shirt, running along his lower back, causing him to shiver. She felt like if she let go of him, she would sink back into that feeling of helplessness that she woke up with. Without lifting her head, she whispered, “Can you stay with me? Please?”

He got up, and walked around to the other side of the bed, sliding in beside her. Marlena snuggled into his waiting arms, and said sleepily, “Kintsugi…I imagine that’s very pretty.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John woke for the first time in almost ten years with Marlena in his arms. Her soft breath wafted over his neck, and her hand rested lightly on his chest. He wanted to stay like that forever. He thought back to when the demon would give him memories in its attempt to seduce him. Those memories were vibrant, almost new, and the feelings that came with them were so intense, he felt as if he were literally reliving that exact moment. The demon was gone, but the emotion wasn’t. He was a priest, still bound by his vows, but he wanted her still. He knew he was going to have to talk to her about everything that happened. Marlena moaned softly, and snuggled her body closer to him. She was obviously dreaming, but it was doing things to his body that made it difficult to restrain himself.

She felt it all. She felt everything. She heard everything. She wanted it to stop. She wanted it to go on forever. Johns mouth on hers was pure fire. His tongue swept over her lips. His teeth bit at them. He clenched his fists repeatedly, to restrain himself from pushing her to the ground, and taking her there on the sand. She knew they should stop. They had to stop, but she had no control over her own body, and while she wanted it to end, she needed it to end…she didn’t want it to…not really. 

Marlena jerked awake for the second time, this time confused, aroused, and feeling ashamed at at once. “Hey, Doc, shhh,” John whispered, stroking her arm lightly. “I’m here.”

Her eyes stared into his, as her hand stroked over his lips, softly, sliding around behind his head, threading her fingers into his hair, and pulling him to her. John’s lips met hers in a gentle exploration, both of them craving more, until Marlena realized what she was doing.  She released John, and sat up quickly, her shame causing her to blush, as she tried desperately not to look into John’s face. Pushing her head into her hands, she cried, “Oh, G-d!”

John shifted, and swung his legs over the bed beside her, pulling her into his arms. “Hey, hey, hey…talk to me, Doc,” he tells her.

“I can’t. I don’t even understand it,” she sobbed.

“Did you remember something? Like you did last night?”

“I guess. I think so…I-I…yes?”

“Describe it to me. I want to help you through this,” he tells her.

“It’s so embarrassing, John.”

“I went through all of this with you. I’m not going to go anywhere now, so, tell me.”

“I was naked…on the beach at Smith Island. We-we were going to, well we almost…” Marlena started crying. “I’m so confused. I wanted it, but I knew I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t want it, but it felt so good. I was trapped inside my own body, doing things that would eventually hurt you, and I wanted it…but I didn’t want it. It’s all so confusing!”

John remembered what she was talking about. Her warm, wet body close to his. The taste of her mouth on his. She bit his lip so hard, he’d tasted blood, and only wanted her more. When he’d run his fingers along the seam of her pussy, her wetness had him willing to do whatever she wanted. He was desperate for her, and while he knew that was partly because the demon was compelling him, it was only part of it. The other part was his love for her, his constant desire for her. That wasn’t compelled, because it already existed. “I remember, Doc,” he told her quietly. 

“So…it wasn’t a dream?” she asked him softly, still holding her head in her hands.

“No, but you weren’t the only one confused. I wanted it. I wanted you…but not just because the demon was compelling it, Doc. I wanted you, because it was you,” he told her. “The demon had tried before, using your body, but making you look like Kristen. I pushed her away then, but with you…the memories, the taste of your skin, the sounds you make when I kiss you. All of it was wrong, because I’m a priest, and I didn’t care. Kristen interrupted us at Smith Island. If she hadn’t arrived, I would have made love to you…I would have lost my soul, because when it comes to you, Doc…I have no control.”

“In my dream, I was so torn, wanting you, and at the same time scared for you,” Marlena said quietly. She was quiet for a long moment, before she continued, “My body reacted so strongly…at least I think I did. I feel so guilty.”

“Don’t. Please, don’t feel guilty. I should have known, and stopped it…” John said tipping her face up to look at him. “You would never have pressured me, I know that, but I think…I think I wanted it, even though it was out of character for you. I struggled to stop it because of my vows, but Doc, if I wasn’t a priest, I would have made love to you before that day on the beach.”

“Why?” she asked him as her eyes filled with unshed tears.

John smoothed his hand over her hair, looking at her, and said, “It’s simple… I love you.”

“You love me? What about Kristen?” she asked confused.

“I loved Kristen…but Doc, I never stopped loving you. Never, but because of the affair, the people that were hurt, I just pushed it back, and moved on. That doesn’t mean I stopped loving you, because that would be impossible,” he told her wiping a tear from her cheek. “I have never loved anyone with the same force that I loved you. The last year, G-d, the last year has been so hard…and the last few months were hell.”

Marlena reached up, touching his face, running her fingertips over his brow, smiled at him, and whispered, “I love you.”

Chapter 3

“They’re so beautiful,” Marlena whispered to John as she watched Brady and Belle sleep in their respective beds. “I feel like I’ve missed so much over the last year. With everything that happened at Maison Blanche, and then…” Marlena’s voice wandered off as she became emotional again. John reached for her, pulling her into his arms. She had been very sensitive over the last week, as more and more memories of the possession came back to her. Sometimes the memories came as flashbacks, but most often they were coming to her in her dreams. She would wake in the night screaming, thrashing about, and calling out for John.

The gentle pressure of John’s hand as it squeezed her arm reassuringly, and the scent of his skin drifting across her face, calmed her in a way nothing else could. John had been her rock over the last week, and as time went by, she found herself depending on him more and more. He had ended up in her bed three times over the last week, as a result of her near constant nightmares. He would hold her in his arms, whispering to her her in reassuring tones, bringing her back from whatever nightmare had entrapped her mind. She tipped her face up to nuzzle into his neck, running her nose over his pulse point, and then kissing him softly.

They were crossing lines. They were crossing so many lines. He was still a priest, and while his paperwork was being processed to leave the priesthood, until that was final…he was still a priest. John’s body shivered with want, as he felt her soft lips on his neck. She pulled away, tucking her head into his shoulder, and he shivered again feeling the air wash over the wet spot left behind by her mouth. John released an involuntary moan from low in his throat, causing Marlena to pull back, and look up at him. Her fingers brushed across his lips, almost of their own accord, while they continued to stare at each other.

“John,” she whispered, at a loss for words to express what she was feeling. She wanted him, and this was so wrong.

Unable to stop himself, he pulled her from the nursery by her wrist, and out into the hallway. Marlena moaned softly as her face, and her chest made contact with the wall, John’s body flush with hers against her back. His heat permeated her body, as he held her hands in his against the cool flat surface. John’s mouth was next to her ear, and he whispered, “You make me have the dirtiest fantasies about you.”

Marlena was struck by another memory of when she was possessed. She was tied to the bed, surrounded by John, Kristen, Mike and Father Francis, as the exorcism continued. The demon inside her was frantic to end it, grasping at straws to find a weakness in one of the quorum members. They were baiting John, trying to get a reaction out of him, rage, fury…something…anything,  that would break their focus, and end the torture. The demon started with talking about Kristen, but got no response. Then they said to John, “Maybe you want Marlena. She’s the one you have all the filthy dreams about. Isn’t that right?” Marlena had seen in her minds eye the type of dreams John had about her, and she wanted them. All of them. Even trapped in her own mind, under the control of an evil outside force, she couldn’t deny that John’s dreams and fantasies echoed her own. Marlena turned her face to him, and gasped against John’s lips, in response to his confession, “Me, too. Oh, G-d! Me, too!”

He ground his hips into her backside roughly, asking her, “You have dirty dreams about me, Doc? Fantasies? If you only knew the things I dream about doing to you…”

“I think I do,” she whispered breathlessly. “I saw them…when I was possessed…the demon showed me…”

John was surprised to learn the the demon had shown her his dreams, and aroused at the same time, knowing she wanted them. She knew, and she wanted it. John forced himself to pull away from her, saying, “I think we need to go to bed.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena stared at John from her position on the bed as he told her, “I recorded our session. A voice on the tape was calling out to me. It was a woman’s voice.”

“I have lots of women’s voices inside of me, John. Which one would you like to hear?” the demon said, with a sense of smug satisfaction.

He is angry, enraged, yelling at her, “I want to know where Isabella’s voice came from!”

“I don’t owe you any explanation,” she told him with the slightest hint of humor.

“You tell me about that voice on the tape,” he demanded, leaning over her, furious.

“You’re in no position to make demands.”

“I don’t want to play games, either. You won’t give me the answers I need, I’ll find them somewhere else,” he said, turning away from her.

“You can’t! I’m the only one who has the answers.”

“Then tell me,” John told her.

“What’s in it for me?” she says smugly, with a small smile on her face.

“What do you mean?” he says, turning back to her with a questioning look on his face. She was up to something, and he couldn’t seem to figure out the game.

“Take off that clerical collar,” she says.

“Why?”

“It annoys me. It represents everything I find repugnant.”

“Too bad,” he tells her with a smirk. 

“It’s a small request, you know,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders, as if she was bored.

“Forget it,” he says, turning away from her again. The demon hits him with the disembodied voice of Isabella, begging him to stay. John freezes, as he opens the door turning back…

Marlena woke suddenly. Her mind was whirling, and she was confused about what she’d just dreamt. She laid in her bed for the next twenty minutes having a mental debate with herself on whether or not she should go to John. While she hadn’t had a nightmare, as per her usual over the last week, she did have questions, and John was the one to fill in the blanks of her memory. He had told her repeatedly over the last few days, that they had gone through this together, and they would continue to go through this together. She quietly slide from her bed, her bare feet touching the cold floor, and softly tread down the hallway to John’s doorway.

She stood there, framed by the light, and watched him sleep. They way they had separated, just before bed, had her contemplating a return to her own room. The tension between them both was high right now, and her restraint was a very carefully guarded thing. She had to stay true to John, and his vows. She had to make sure that she wasn’t doing things to tempt him further, because it was obvious that they were both tempted. He was such a good man, kind, upright, moral…she couldn’t intentionally entice him. Her problem was, most of what was happening between them was completely unintentional.

John woke to see the outline of Marlena’s form in the doorway to his bedroom. She was in a halo of light shining from the hallway behind her, the light coming through the fabric of her nightgown highlighting the curve of her body. He stared at her for a moment, and then said, “Doc? Are you okay?”

“I had a dream…” she said softly, touching his doorframe, and continuing to stare at him with wide eyes.

“C’mere, baby,” he said softly, shifting over in the bed, and lifting the blanket for her to join him. Marlena slid her body in beside him, as he wrapped his arm around her pulling her close to him. His fingers ran along her soft shoulders, and over her bare back. He was reminded of how well she fit against him. She snuggled in, placing her hand softly on his chest, and sighing deeply, as if she was holding onto tension deep within her body. He smiled against the top her her head, and asked her, “So, what are we talking about tonight, Doc?”

“Isabella,” she whispered, remembering the demon taunting him with Isabella’s voice.

“Ah, yes,” he said. “What did you dream?”

“Did the demon…did I try use your memory of Isabella to manipulate you? To stop the exorcism?” she asked him.

“Are you sure you want to talk about this right now? It might be too painful for you,” he said, smoothing his hand over her hair in a soothing repetitive motion.

“I’m fine. I need this. I need to process this…with you.”

John sighed softly before he began. “Father Francis told me I would need my strength to fight the devil. It was very hard, watching you suffer. I felt so helpless, and that helplessness made me so angry,” John told her. “I saw her. I saw Isabella. She appeared to me, right there in your room. I thought my heart was going to stop beating.” Marlena smoothed her hand over his bare chest, absently running her fingers through his chest hair as he spoke, “She looked exactly the way I remembered her, Doc. She was so beautiful. It all came rushing back to me…all those feelings that I had for her. The great joyous love that we shared together…” John was quiet for a moment, listening to the sounds of his and Marlena’s mingled breathing. “How I wanted her. How I wanted to believe that she was…that she was alive. That she’d come back to me. That we could be together again,” he said, turning slightly to look at her. “See, there was just one condition, all I had to do was renounce G-d. I wouldn’t do that, so I renounced her, and then, before my eyes, she-she turned into this-this hideous apparition, this-this demon from hell…” he said, silent tears slipping from his eyes.

“John…John, you know that wasn’t Isabella. It wasn’t. It was the demon trying to trick you. I remember…I dreamed it tonight. It was happy to cause you so much pain, and turmoil. I felt the joy it got from doing that to you,” she said, staring up into his deep indigo eyes, as the light from the hallway shone over his face. “The demon was trying to make you lose faith in yourself, and your faith in G-d.”

“I know that,” he said, laying his head back down, and pulling her into him again. “I know that, I do. Izzy B’s heart is good, and her soul is pure, and I choose to believe that she’s living with G-d in heaven right now. I just can’t get this horrible apparition out of my mind. I just can’t stop wondering if she’s all right? If she’s happy? If she’s at peace?”

Marlena’s eyes dropped silent tears on his chest, and told him, barely above a whisper, “You could try what worked for you before, when you thought that everything was lost. The power of prayer.”

“I prayed for you, Doc. I prayed so hard for you, that you were given back to me,” he told her, kissing her softly on her forehead.

“I prayed for you too, John,” she said, “and you saved me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

Chapter 4

Marlena moaned in her sleep. Rolling to her side, lost in a dream, which was also a memory…

She could tell John was embarrassed. The demon wanted him to be embarrassed, and flustered, by the sight of her naked body. John’s eyes were averted, as he quickly dipped his head, realizing he’d walked in on Marlena unclothed. His fingers awkwardly brushing over his forehead, while his eyes kept darting quick glances at her body. She was freshly showered, with a warm glow to her skin, and all traces of body hair removed. The plan was calculated, and cold. The intention was to seduce. Marlena acted surprised that he had walked into the room, and she slowly reached for the pink robe slung carelessly over the back of her sofa. 

“I’m so sorry, Doc. I-I guess you didn’t hear me knocking downstairs,” he said, stumbling over his words, as he glanced sideways at her naked body. His eyes traveled the length of her, landing on the vee between her thighs, stripped bare for his eyes. He nearly fell to his knees at the sight, forcing his eyes to turn away again. He didn’t understand why his reactions to her were so strong, his need for her almost painful. 

“Oh, no, I didn’t,” Marlena said softly, while she turned from him slowly, ensuring he saw everything she intended for him to see, and slid the robe on. 

“Your front door was open. I-I started getting a little worried about you,” he said, finally turning his head to look at her once her robe was securely on. His mind was inundated with ideas, thoughts, and fantasies of the things he would like to do to her body.

“Well, I’m sorry. I thought I could get a quick shower before you arrived. I didn’t hear you,” she said with a shy smile, as if she were the one who was embarrassed.

“I hope you know, I wouldn’t just barge in on you like this,” he told her, followed by an awkward laugh.

“No, this is my fault,” she said, stepping closer to him, touching his arm gingerly. Marlena heard the demon in her mind. It was smug, it was confident that John wouldn’t be able to resist Marlena’s body for long. John looked at her again, nervously, his tongue sliding over his lips in a helpless gesture of arousal. “It isn’t like you haven’t seen me before. We were married, you know,” she said with a small smile.

John is immediately hit with another memory from their past. He flinched almost imperceptibly. He was overcome with feelings of love, and arousal for the woman in front of him, as he was forced to remember their first time making love. He stood there in front of Marlena, and he felt his naked body against hers. He felt his fingers gently touching her face, and he heard himself whispering words of love. When the memory ended, he blinked his eyes quickly to clear the tears, he was so overcome with emotion.

She awoke aroused, guilty, and confused about the emotions coursing through her body. The dream, which she now knew was a memory, excited her, if she was being honest with herself. It made her body ache to remember John’s eyes roving over her, leaving her unsettled, and craving release. Yes, at the same time, she felt wrong, and guilty. The demon had intentionally been placing John in situations where the temptation would be so great, so overwhelming, that he almost certainly would give in…and be lost forever. She struggled with the reality of her possession, and the emotions it evoked. 

Her body was practically humming. She had to do something to relieve the pressure. In the dark of the night, with only the soft glow from a lamp in the hallway, alone in her room, Marlena’s hand slid across her abdomen in a light caress. She sighed softly as she closed her eyes, pretending that it was John’s hand on her skin. Slowly grasping the silken fabric of her nightgown, she began pulling it up, over her thighs. 

Sliding her fingers into her panties, she moaned softly, low in her throat at the pleasure she felt with just one feather soft brush of her fingertip across her clit. It wasn’t going to be enough to go slow, not with the desire rolling through her. Marlena quickly shimmied her panties down her legs, leaving them to dangle on one ankle, as she kicked off her blankets. Her door was partially open, with a stream of light shining across the wooden floors. Momentarily wondering if John was awake, she shivered, as she glanced toward the door. The thought that he might see her, or even watch her while she brought herself to a climax, increased her arousal tenfold. He wanted to catch her touching herself, she knew that. When the demon had shown her John’s dirty dreams and fantasies, she’d seen what his mind could create.

Breasts swollen, and nipples so hard they were hurting, she opened her legs, pulling one up, and bending it at the knee. Closing her eyes, she moaned out loud as her fingers rubbed over her wet, and throbbing center, her voice softly whispering John’s name. The other hand traveled to the strap her her gown, pulling it off her shoulder, and allowing her to free her breast, so she could roll her nipple between her fingers, tugging and pulling at it. 

John. John woke with a jolt . The slightest sounds or noises had been waking him since he was constantly worried about Marlena. Her nightmares came sometimes, two or three per night. Glancing at the clock, he noticed it was almost 3:30 in the morning. She hadn’t woken him once. Rolling out of bed slowly, he decided to go check on her. He heard a muffled cry coming from her room as he entered the hall, but she didn’t sound scared, although his body was reacting to her before his brain could even catch up, as if his body knew something he didn’t. He felt his cock growing hard, as he neared her bedroom door, and her sounds grew only slightly louder, as if she was trying to muffle them.

When he reached her room, he saw her on the bed, legs spread open, and her hand buried in her wet, swollen, pussy. John nearly collapsed from want. His hand went to grip the doorframe, and prevent himself from sliding to the floor in worship of the site before him. Marlena’s gasps, and pants were growing louder. Her fingers were rubbing over her clit vigorously, and her breast was being squeezed and pulled by her other hand. John groaned. He groaned so loudly that her eyes shot open, staring into his, and her hands stilled on her body. He wanted to go to her. John wanted to finish this for her…but he couldn’t, so he said, “Do it. Don’t stop…please.” He practically begged her to continue. He did beg her to continue, and he was going to watch. He had dreamed of this so many times, there was no way he could turn away from the sight before him.

Marlena stared at him, breathing heavily, and said, “Come here, John.”

“I can’t,” he said with agony in his voice, staring at her from his place by the door. “I can’t.”

“I know. I know…just…sit with me, please? I need you,” she whispered. “I need you.”

He approached the bed slowly, the scent of her arousal reaching his nose, and causing him to growl low in his throat. Staring down at her body, and noticing that her mound was still completely bare, with the light from the hallway glistening on the wetness between her thighs, he groaned again, “Doc…”

“Sit with me, John. Watch me,” she said softly. “I know you want to watch me.” She knew John’s fantasies, and this one…this one was going to happen. Her hand began to move again over her clit, and across the swollen folds of her pussy. Slowly at first, and then building in momentum as her breathing picked up, all the while staring at John. His eyes were transfixed, as he sat on the bed beside her, staring at her hands, as they played her own body like a fine tuned instrument. Marlena knew that John had dreamed of this once, she’d seen it in her mind while she was possessed. When the demon had spoken of John’s filthy dreams, he was currently living one. She noticed his swollen cock, the head peeking from the opening in his silk boxers, and she told him, “Take it out.”

His hand moved slowly, pushing the fabric to the side, and freeing himself. His dick twitched at the sight of her, as he told himself, “You’re not allowed to touch her.”

Marlena sat up in bed, adjusting herself against the headboard, and spreading her legs again, her hand finding its way back to her center. She watched John as she dipped her fingers into her body. Reaching forward, her hand wet with her arousal, she wrapped her fingers around him, pumping slowly up and down. John watched her, gasping, barely able to keep himself from throwing her to the bed. Her hand pulled back, and she did it again, using her wet hand, surrounding his turgid flesh, and slowly pumping him. 

John felt like she was in one of the dirtiest fantasies he’d ever had of her. How many times had he dreamed of bringing himself to completion while he watched her touch herself? Hundreds, at least. Although using her own arousal to help get him there, that was all her doing. When she had told him she knew, he hadn’t given it much thought. But this? She knew exactly what he dreamed about, exactly what his fantasies were. Without touching her, he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hands sliding with ease along his length, as he closed his eyes for a moment, and he groaned in ecstasy. When he opened them, he continued to watch the love of his life bring herself to incredible heights of pleasure, while he pumped himself to completion beside her on the bed. John looked at Marlena, breathing heavy, helpless to refuse her anything, and said, “You knew.”

She watched him. She’d never loved anyone the way she loved John. It consumed her soul. She slid from the bed, leaning over him, to kiss his forehead softly, and saying, “I know,” before walking into the bathroom, and returning with a wet cloth for him. 

“How?” he asked her with a whisper.

“The demon gave me thoughts, and memories sometimes, that weren’t mine. Maybe to taunt me, maybe so I wouldn’t fight as hard, or resist what they were doing,” she said, getting back into bed, and pulling her knees up to her chest, watching John. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she continued, “I would fight what it was doing. When it was seducing you, I would try to stop it, to-to save you…because I knew, it showed me, what you wanted, and I was so scared. I was scared you would give in…but I was also scared-I was scared because a part of me wanted you to give in, while another part of me hated myself for it.”

“Doc, G-d, I wanted you,” he said barely above a whisper. “I still want you.”

“I want you, but we have to wait,” she said reaching for his hand. “When you are released from your vows, John…my body is yours.”

“Stay with me,” he said. It felt right, and he wanted it. “Stay with me in my bed, Doc. No more going back and forth, no more coming to you when you have nightmares. We won’t make love until I’m released from the priesthood…just stay with me.”

She slid forward, brushing her hand over his face and told him softly, “Okay.”

Chapter 5

John hung up the phone, and turned to watch Marlena on the couch, with a cup of coffee in her hand, “That was Carrie. She wants to come by. I told her that it would be fine.”

Marlena suddenly had a look of apprehension on her face, as if she were frightened to face her. “I’m not sure…” she says.

“She doesn’t blame you, Doc. No one does, but I think seeing her, and talking…well it might help you heal,” he told her, sitting down beside her. John reaches for her coffee, placing it on the small table in front of the couch, and pulls her into his arms. 

It’s the most natural thing in the world to snuggle into his body, and tuck her face into his neck. She feels the shiver run through him. The sexual tension between them is near constant, and their time together is spent with gentle touches, long conversations, and long glances. Marlena finds herself in a near constant state of arousal, and being this close to him, makes it harder, but in a delicious kind of way. Forcing herself not to make the situation worse, she tries to focus on Carrie coming over. “I hurt her,” she said softly. “When I was possessed, I said things that hurt her…on purpose.”

“But, Doc, we both know that wasn’t you,” John told her, as his hand absently stroked over her bare shoulder, where her sweater had draped. Every time he touched her skin, he marveled at the softness.

“I know. I do. I do…it’s just, when the demon was in me, when it was making me behave a certain way, or say hurtful things…there was always a truth to it. I mean, they were lies, but they were lies that twisted the truth,” Marlena said. “It sounds crazy. I sound crazy.”

“I think, Doc, that sometimes you’re too hard on yourself,” John replied after a pause. “You are the most caring, and empathetic person I know. You would never willingly hurt your children, or anyone else for that matter.”

“Sometimes the demon took my thoughts, or my feelings, and it made them something else…but then, because I was trapped, the demon made me feel as if the actions were my own. It made me think that I really wanted those things to happen to people, but I was just too weak to carry them out alone. I was trapped in a psychological nightmare,” she whispered, with silent tears falling onto his chest. 

John sat up, wanting to face her when he said this, and used his fingers to tip her face up to his, “Doc, none of that is who you are. I know you better than anyone else in this world, and I know, you would never intentionally hurt the people you love.”

She smiled at him softly, the glint of tears still shining in her eyes, “I love you. For everything you are, and everything you do, I love you.” She reached up, running her fingers over his lips, and across his mouth. 

His body ached for her, and he forced himself to hold back his moan of arousal. “I love you too,” he said softly. Holding her face in his hands, he pulled her close to him, breathing her in, and running the tip of his nose alongside hers. “As long as I’m alive, you’ll always have me.”

“I’m so glad,” she replied in a breathy voice, leaning her forehead softly against his, and looking into his eyes, “because I honestly don’t know what I do without you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John’s hand rested lightly on her back, as he guided her down the hallway of the hospital. It had been three weeks since Marlena had returned to herself, and John still had a difficult time separating from her, even for a follow-up doctor’s appointment with Mike. As they rounded the corner, they were both caught off guard to see Stefano sitting outside his hospital room in a wheelchair. He was dressed in pajamas, and a bathrobe. John knew that Stefano was still unable to walk, but in John’s mind, that made him no less dangerous. The man was still obsessed with Marlena. 

Marlena stopped suddenly, wide eyed, staring at the man in front of her. Her mind became a chaotic nightmare of memories. Flashes of masquerade balls, and masks, nocturnal vests, and disorientation. She swayed slightly, reaching out for John, but unable to speak.

“Hello, Marlena,” Stefano drawls slowly, staring at her in a way that bordered on mania. “I am glad to see you well.”

She continues to stare at Stefano, overwrought with emotion as memories flash through her mind, like a kaleidoscope of horror.

“Stefano! Thank goodness you’re here. Please, my darling, untie these bonds! Please untie me! Please, hurry!” Marlena cried out to him. The man was a delusional idiot, who would believe anything the demon wanted him to believe, as long as it was said in the right voice, with the right amount of helplessness attached to it. 

“All right. All right,” Stefano told her as he began to untie the fastenings on her legs.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” She cried out as he worked his way around the bed. “Yes! Yes!” Her sounds coming out of her like they were cries of sexual passion. Stefano was almost in a frenzy in his hurry to untie her bonds. 

As soon as he finished, he gathered her body into his arms, crying, “Marlena! Marlena!” However, once she stood on her own feet, she changed.

She pushed him away, and in a voice he didn’t recognize, the tone low and deep, she screamed, “You fool! You have interfered for the last time!” 

Stefano was confused. She was full of rage, and this was not Marlena. Not his Marlena. He stood slowly, backing away from her, in fright, while watching in horror as she transformed into a hideous beast before him. “Dear G-d!” he says. “The devil, the demon…was not exorcised. It was all a trick!” While he continues to back a way, he manages to find a bit of bravery telling the demon, “I will not let you take Marlena away from me. My love for her is stronger than your evil!”

“Love?” the demon laughs at him. “You don’t love anyone, but obsession? You are the very king of obsession!” it snarls at him, as he continues to back further, and further away. 

“Love! Love will prevail!” Stefano roars. “You know that in the end you will lose, because you cannot fight the power of love! She is mine! Mine! Only I can make her happy!”

John notices that Marlena is frozen in fear. Stefano stares at her in awe and wonder, as if he can’t turn his eyes away from her. Unmoving, and lost in memories, Marlena begins to gasp, and struggle to breath, while hot tears flow from her eyes. Her fingers dig into the flesh of his arm. John gently moves around her body, bending to scoop her up, and rush her to Mike. Whispering in her ear, “Doc, baby, come back to me. Doc, please! I’m here. I’m here, and I’m not leaving.”

Practically running into the nearest exam room, John places her on the table, and begins to gently run his hands over her face, her neck, and her arms. He rubs hard, squeezing as he goes, while whispering words of love, and devotion. “Doc, come on baby, you’re scaring me,” he almost cries. “I need you. I need you. Come back!”

She hears him, somewhere in the back of her mind, where she disappears when she’s the most scared, she hears his voice calling her back. “I love you. I love you so much,” he says. Then she feels him, the squeezing, and the rough rubbing of her flesh, as sensation returns to her.

Marlena blinks rapidly, confused. She feels the tears on her face, as she finally looks at him, “John?”

“Oh, G-d! Doc!” he says, pulling her tightly against him. “You scared me so fucking bad!” he tells her, the relief obvious in his voice.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m sorry.” Her hand moves to his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks, as they continue to flow from his eyes. “I heard you,” she murmured. “I heard you call for me. I felt you…” she said softly, pulling his face to hers. Her lips brush his softly, but John is overcome with fear, love, anger, passion…all of his emotions bottled into one moment, and his mouth devours her. Their tongues sweep over each other, and Marlena moans into his mouth, “I felt you…”

He can’t get enough of her. One arm wraps itself around her body pulling her to him, while the other threads into her hair, holding tightly. A knock sounds on the door, causing John to pull away from her. She’s breathing hard, her eyes full of passion, and she whispers, “I love you.”

“Baby, I love you too,” he whispers back to her, before stepping to the door and allowing Mike to enter.

Chapter 6

Marlena was silent as they left the hospital, and walked towards the car in the parking garage. John had snatched up her hand, and threaded his fingers through hers almost as soon as they vacated the exam room. The pad of his thumb brushed over her skin, almost as a way of reminding himself that she was with him. The incident in the hospital caused him to relive the night he found her alive in the morgue, as well as all the of the same emotions, and it left him feeling a staggering sense of urgency. Just as they reached the car, which was parked in a dark corner on the 5th level, John pulled her toward the back of the SUV, pinning her there with his body, and leaning his head against hers. Both of them absorbed the silence of the moment, and basked int he heat of each others bodies. They stood like that for several moments, before he whispered to her, “Just let me hold you for a moment, Doc…please.” 

When she felt his arms sliding around her waist, Marlena sighed softly, her breath brushing over his ear. The tension she had been holding in her body for the last hour drained away, as she sagged against him in relief. “Thank you,” she said softly.

“For what?”

“For loving me,” she replied. “The last few weeks would have been hell without you. I’m not sure I could have handled this alone.”

His hands made their way up her arms, and over her shoulders, to tip her face up to his. “Doc, I swear on everything I am, I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he told her. “You scared me back there. You scared me so bad.”

Marlena’s hands moved to his waist, gripping the fabric of his shirt, and clenching it in her fists tightly, needing the sensation to ground herself to the moment. She took a deep breath, drawing in his comforting scent, and telling him, “I got lost…inside myself…for a moment.”

His arms wrapped around her again, pulling her against him so close they felt like a single person. He settled his face in the silken strands of her hair, and he asked her, “What happened?”

“I saw him sitting there, and his eyes…I saw them in my mind, but it was in a memory. He was wearing a mask. I remembered when Stefano was drugging me, but the memories began flashing so quickly, I couldn’t sort them…or stop them,” she said. “They were disorganized, and out of order, and I was petrified from fear. I understand it…I’d just never experienced it before.”

John wasn’t sure what she meant exactly, and so he asked her, “I’m confused. Can you explain it to me?”

“In fear there are three responses, fight, flight, or freeze…John, when I saw Stefano, looking at me with those eyes, those evil, calculating, eyes, I froze. I couldn’t move, or respond at all,” she said, barely above a whisper. “I was afraid, because he still wants me. He won’t give up. I could see it, in the way he looked me over, in the way he said my name…” She started crying because she was so scared that it would never end, that it would continue until Stefano was gone. “I remembered what I did to him,” she said, looking up at him with tear filled eyes.

“What you did?” he asked her. No one was up there when Stefano fell from Marlena’s bedroom balcony, and when they had gone upstairs to check on her, after finding Stefano’s near death body on the ground outside, she had been asleep in her bed. Assumptions had been made, that maybe the demon had done something to him, but ultimately it was just speculation. They never really knew, and the demon inside Marlena certainly wasn’t giving them details. “Doc, what happened with Stefano?”

“He came in, disguised as a delivery driver. Once he made his way to my room, the demon saw him as an opportunity, and begged him to untie me, and I-they…” she started crying again, covering her face with her hands, as shame rolled through her. “I made him think I wanted him. I cried out for him in a way that was almost sexual. G-d, John, I’m so ashamed.”

“Baby, that was not you. It wasn’t.”

“The demon threw him off the balcony…” she told him. “It-it changed me into something…hideous, and it stalked him to the balcony doors. I…the demon… threw him over. It wanted him to die. It was angry…furious, at his meddling. At his constant interference with the demon’s plan to seduce you…”

“The demon threw him over…how? Doc, you’re not strong enough,” he said.

“I was strong enough when I fought you in the church, remember?” she responded with a question that ultimately needed no answer. “How am I supposed to live with these memories, John? I don’t think I can stand it!”

His hands brushed over her hair gently, in a repetitive motion, intended to sooth her, and keep her from getting too upset. “Doc, these memories will face. They’re fresh right now, but with time…”

“Do they upset you?” she wanted to know. Marlena was fearful, that the more she remembered the evil things she did and the more she shared them with John, that he might not want her after all. The doubts were starting to intrude more often.

“How do you mean?” he asked her.

“Does remembering me when I was possessed, or does hearing about what I did…does that make you view me differently?” she asked him.

“It does, but not in the way you might think. I see you as stronger. You are the strongest woman I know, Doc,” he told her, tipping his head down slightly to look into her deep hazel eyes. “You’re strength is amazing, and I admire you for it.”

“You admire me?” she asked him with a small smirk, surprised at his answer.

“Doc, you fought harder for your life, and your family, than anyone ever has,” he told her. Unable to hold back any further, John ran his nose alongside hers, allowing the scent of lilacs and vanilla to fill his mind. 

“I fought for my children, and I fought for you,” she whispered against his lips. “It was always about you, John. Always.”

“Marlena,” he moaned against her mouth, his lips brushing over hers softly as he spoke her name. The desire to kiss her was devastating him, consuming him, piece by piece. Every time he held back from his most natural responses with her, a small part of him felt lost. What had happened in the hospital had scared him more than he cared to admit, and he was so close to throwing caution to the wind. There was something about Marlena that just felt right, and something about waiting that felt wrong…almost unnatural.

Moving her hands up his chest, she moved to push him back from her, and put space between them, because the moment was quickly becoming heated, as most moments between them seemed to lately. “John, we can’t,” she told him, even as her back was still pressed firmly against the side of the SUV.

“I don’t care, Doc,” he mumbled over he lips. Grabbing her hands away from his chest, he pulled them down beside her, and threaded his fingers through hers, pinning them to the side of the car. “Don’t make me stop this…G-d, Doc, please don’t make me stop…” he whispered roughly, while he gently used his own lips to suck, and pull at hers. “Doc, please,” he begged.

The sound of John pleading for her kisses sent a thrill through her body, and he nearly consumed her as she opened her mouth to him. His tongue swept over her in a wave of want, as the length of his body lined up with hers, and pushed her more firmly against the side of the car. He continued to hold their hands together, the fingers of their hands gripping the other so tightly. John’s hips ground into the softness of her abdomen, as they both groaned with need. 

When he finally released her hands, it was only so that he could free up his own, allowing his hands and his fingers to roam the length of her neck, and finally weave through her hair, pulling it slightly, and sending a rush of arousal through her. “I want you,” she breathed into him. “I want you so bad.”

“I know,” he moaned resting his forehead against hers, before kissing her softly one more time. “Believe me, I know. I want you with me, but it’s becoming almost impossible to resist you,” he tells her, leaning to place open mouthed kisses along her neck, and rocking his pelvis into her again for emphasis.

“As soon as we hear something from Father Jansen,” she said touching his face gently. “I swear John…I’m yours…if you want me.”

“Oh, Doc, I want you. That’s a fact,” he said, stepping back from her. Touching her swollen lips with the tips of his fingers, he whispered, “I love you, Doc.”

“I love you, too.”

Chapter 7

John eyed the confessional booth as he entered the sanctuary of the church, and turned his head away from it nervously. When he looked at it, he saw flashes of a dream he’d had almost four months ago, during Marlena’s possession. Images of her body through the confessional screen, her legs spread wide, and her hand buried in her wet pussy pervaded his mind. It had never happened, but he knew he would never look at a confessional booth in the same way, ever again. He was religious man, obviously, and given some of his dreams, and fantasies over the last year, looking at the confessional booth made him distinctly nervous, and aroused. He spotted Father Jansen near the pulpit, and approached him. “Father Jansen,” he said. “I was hoping to speak with you about the status of my dispensation.”

“John, I was actually going to reach out to you later today. I received some information from Bishop that was a little concerning,” Father Jansen responded softly. “Could we discuss it in my office?” 

Following Father Jansen to his office was not a new occurrence. John had been there so many times over the last year. At first it was over the confusion of his past, was he a priest or not? Then it was in desperation over Marlena’s illness, and his fear of losing her to an unknown cause. Finally it was learning that she was possessed, and his fierce determination to save her body, and her soul. Walking into the office set off a myriad of emotions, as John stepped over to the seat in from of the desk, and sat down, asking, “So what do we know?”

“The Bishop can’t seem to find the records for your ordainment as a priest,” Father Jansen said carefully.

“Can’t find it? But the priest in Chicago said I was a priest there,” John said, confused.

“You were there. We have record of that, and you were working as a priest,” Father Jansen told him. “What we can’t find is the final certification that you actually went through ordination.”

John leaned forward, placing his hands on the edge of Father Jansen’s desk, and asked him, “Are you saying I’m not actually a priest?”

“We’re still looking, but…it looks that way. It seems like you disappeared before the final rites were done.”

“Father Jansen, I don’t think you understand the urgency in this matter,” John said, as he stood up in frustration, running his hand through his hair. He approached the window, looking out on the lawn below, before he spoke again, “When Marlena was possessed, when I almost lost her…after everything we’ve been through…” John turned to face Father Jansen with a look of absolute helplessness.

“So, you’ve realized you still love Marlena?” Father Jansen asked him, calmly, as if he already knew about John’s feelings for Marlena.

“Yes. I don’t think I ever stopped,” he told the other man. “I almost lost her, and it destroyed me, and helping her through this…”

“Have you broken your vows, John?”

“No. No, I haven’t, not really, but it’s only a matter of time. We can’t go on like this forever. In limbo, while I wait, and now…now you’re telling me I might not even be a priest,” John said in frustration. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t have more information for you,” Father Jansen replied. “Although, you know, until we know for sure, John, you need to continue to resist these urges.”

“I know, Father. I know,” John said as he stood to leave. As he walked out to his car, and past the confessional booth, John wondered exactly how long he was going to be able to resist, when he was being tempted at every turn. Marlena’s scent filled his home, he woke with her in his arms every morning, and his nights were filled with vivid dreams and fantasies of all the ways he could have her body. It was the sweetest, most erotic form of torture. He wanted it to stop, and he wanted it to go on forever. John didn’t even understand how it was possible to crave something, and pray for it to end at the same time. Maybe, what he really craved wasn’t an end to the torture, but rather the end to the torture, because he knew that the end was going to be an inferno. When they finally came together, it would be a cataclysmic event. It couldn’t be anything less after the sexual tension that had been building between them over the last month. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been three weeks since my last confession,” she said. That voice, John knew that voice. It was Marlena. “I have been having feelings, dreams, fantasies about a friend, an old lover…I want him, but I can’t have him. He’s unavailable. He’s not in a relationship, unless you count his relationship with G-d. He’s a-he’s…a priest, and his name is John. I feel so sinful saying it. Saying that I want him. I can’t have him…but I ache for him, as if my body is on fire…I had an affair with John. A couple years ago. It ruined my marriage, and I gave birth to his daughter. She’s beautiful, my darling Belle…we didn’t know he was a priest. We found that out later,” she said, so quietly he could barely hear her. John’s heart was racing. Did she know it was him in the confessional? Or did she truly think she was confessing to a stranger? “I’m trying,” she continued. “I’m trying so hard to stop these fantasies, but I can’t turn off my feelings. I fantasize about him in the most sinful ways. I beg forgiveness.”

John knew that the moment he began to speak she would know it was him, and he wanted to see her reaction. He wanted to hear it in her voice, so he asked her, quietly, and deliberately,“How long have these fantasies and dreams been going on?”

Her sharp gasp filled the small space, and she whispered, “John?”

“How long have these fantasies and dreams been going on, Doc?” he asked her again, as he felt his cock growing in the confines of his pants.

She was silent for a moment, before she answered, “Months…since Maison Blanche.”

“And exactly how are your fantasies sinful?

“Because…because they’re…dirty,” she whispered.

“In order for G-d to forgive you, you must confess everything.”

“I dreamt we were back at Maison Blanche, and that while you were chained to the wall in the dungeon you-you…oh G-d! I can’t…” she said, holding her head in her hands.

“Did I fuck you, Doc? Against the wall…did I?” he asked her in a rough voice.

“Yes,” she told him softly. She felt wetness seeping into her panties at his lewd talk, and she felt encouraged to continue.“I also dreamt that you came to me, in my office, dressed as a priest, and you pushed me against my desk and…”

“Is that what you want now?”

“No…yes. G-d! I don’t know,” she whispered. Her center was aching, and throbbing painfully. Marlena felt as if she couldn’t think clearly. “It’s been building up. I’m so achy and sore. Every time I’m near you, my breasts swell with arousal, and my nipples peak so tightly it hurts.”

He knew this was wrong, and that when he was done with her, they would both have to confess again, but that didn’t stop him from what he said next, “What are you wearing?”

“John?” she asked him softly.

“Now, Doc. Tell me. What are you wearing?”

“A skirt and blouse, with a jacket,” she said breathlessly.

“Take your panties off, and put them in your purse,” he told her, his voice deep with arousal.

“Okay,” she whispered. This was so wrong. She had come to confess her sinful thoughts about John, only to find herself living them out with bated breath.

John heard rustling from the other side of the partition, and the snap of her purse as it closed. He rose from his bench to turn and  stand, looking at her through the confessional screen. Marlena tipped her head up, her eyes scanning over the outline of his body, as he stood there watching her. “Pull your skirt up, Doc. I want to see your pussy,” he commanded.

Her small hands slowly lifted the silken fabric of her skirt up, and over her thighs, baring her freshly waxed pussy to his eyes. Her breathing was erratic, as she waited for his next direction.

“Spread your legs,” he told her, anticipating what he was about to see.

“John…I…”

“Do it, Doc. I want to see how wet you are, because we both know that you are.”

Sliding her thighs across the bench, she opens them wide, causing the moist lips of her pussy to open slightly. Marlena hears John groan low in his throat, as well as a snap, and the hiss of a zipper as he unfastens his pants. The thought of him holding his length in his own palm as he  stares at her in the most intimate way, nearly makes her come right then. “John,” she moans, as cool air washes over her open sex.

“Touch yourself. Please, touch your clit, and pretend it’s me,” John moaned.

Marlena jolted awake, panting with arousal, and on the verge of coming. Her eyes flew open to find John staring at her. His pupils were blown, and his own breathing was erratic, as he asked her roughly, “What were you dreaming about, Doc?”

“It wasn’t my dream,” she whispered. “It was yours.” Her clit was throbbing so hard, she wanted to cry out. She had to come, a simple brush of her fingers would be all she needed. A brush of John’s fingers, and she would explode. She glanced down to see the head of John’s cock sticking out of the waistband of his boxer briefs, red and swollen, realizing that he was feeling as sexually limited as she was.

“My dream?”

“Yes,” was her only response, as she watched him.

He knew then. She had dreamt about something the demon had shown her during the possession, and she was turned on. “Tell me,” he said. He had to hear what it was, because he had awoken to her heated gasps, and mumbled words. He was so turned on he thought he might come without even touching himself.

“I was giving a confession…at St. Luke’s—” she started.

“Oh, fuck…” he moaned, falling to his back, as if he were in pain, but turning his face to stare at her. John reached for his dick, pulling it from his boxer briefs, and giving it several sharp tugs to alleviate the pressure. “The confessional? Doc…it was about the confessional?”

“You told me to spread my legs and show myself to you. You-you told me to touch myself, and pretend it was you,” she said, turning her own head on her pillow to face him.

“Do it. Now. Baby, please,” he said, fisting his cock again, turning on his side to face her.

Shifting her body closer, she turned to face him, sliding her nightgown up over her legs. She lifted one slightly, lifting it over John’s hip, and then slid her hand down to her pussy. John’s hand bumped hers, as she began to rub her fingers over her clit furiously, while he pumped his hand along the length of his dick. Their faces were so close that their breaths mingled as they stared into each others eyes. It wasn’t sex, but it felt like sex. Marlena closed the distance between their lips, right as she started to climax, biting down on his lip, and sucking it into her mouth as she had the most powerful orgasm of her life. Seconds later she felt the hot wetness of John’s release hit her hand, as he threw his head back, and shouted, “Fuck! Doc!”

Chapter 8

The air was inundated with the sounds of clanging buoys, the shouts of fisherman, and the laughter of Brady and Belle as they chased each other along the pier towards the pub. Marlena and John walked behind them, the fingers of their hands casually linked. John marveled at the sound of Marlena’s laughter over the children’s antics, and he watched her face with rapt attention. Every smile, every sparkle in her eye, the rosy color in her cheeks from the wind rushing up off the river…all of it served to remind him that she was alive, and she was his.

Marlena watched as Brady pretended to trip to make Belle laugh, causing the toddler to fall over. Her brother clumsily grabbed her hand pulling her up, and Marlena was overcome with a love so deep that she thought it would consume her. Glancing up at John, Marlena told him softly, “I’d like to adopt Brady.”

John was momentarily surprised, not because she loved his son that much, because Marlena’s love for Brady was obvious, but rather, because she wanted to make it official. While both of them had admitted their love for one another over and over again during the last month and a half, neither of them had mentioned what would come after John received his final dispensation. John looked at her seriously for a moment, and said softly, “I’d like to marry you.”

A smile lit up her face, as she whispered back to him, “I think that could be arranged.”

“Hold that thought, Doc,” John said as he turned towards Belle and Brady. “Brady! Let your sister out of that headlock right now!” John watched as his son released his sister. 

Belle immediately turned to Brady, and smacked his forehead, shouting, “No Brady! No! My body!”

John turned to Marlena with a smirk, and an arched eyebrow. Marlena laughed out loud again, saying, “She’s right. Her body, her space.”

Grabbing up her hand again, he chuckled, telling her, “It was more about the forehead smack.”

“She saw Caroline smack Shawn on the forehead the other day at the pub, after he said something Caroline found ridiculous. I can’t even remember what it was, but Belle was watching,” Marlena told him. Brady seemed no worse off for it, since he’d already scurried ahead. “I’ll talk to her about it later.”

John swung their hands casually as they continued walking, and said in a nonchalant way, “So, Lady, marriage…to me. What do you think?” He turned his head to look at her smiling.

“Absolutely. And Brady?” she asked him.

“Mama! I see Unca Bo! Can I go?” Brady asked her running up, and pulling at her pant leg excitedly.

Marlena bent down, scooping up her little boy, who looked so much like his father, and told him teasingly, “Unca Bo? Where?” Even though she’d already spotted him.

Brady pointed further down the pier, where Bo sat with Shawn D, “There!”

“Oh, I see them now,” she said with a smile. “Yes, little man, you can go see your Uncle Bo.” Marlena placed Brady back down on the pier, and his legs were churning to get away before he even touched the wooden planks. 

“Doc?” John said softly.

The sight of Belle cuddled in her daddy’s arms made her heart flutter. His deep indigo eyes were staring into her soul, and she stumbled over her response, “Y-yes?”

“I think you got your answer.”

“My answer?”

“About being Brady’s mother. He just gave you his answer,” John told her, touching her cheeks softly.

Marlena felt a piece of her broken soul fall back into place. Kintsugi, she thought. She stepped forward into John’s waiting arms, soft tears in her eyes, as she whispered, “I guess he did.”

“You’re his mama, Doc. You’re amazing with him, and he loves you so much. We’re going to do this. You, me, the kids…I think we’re going to finally get this right,” he murmured into her soft, silky blonde hair.

Kristen had watched John and Marlena’s touching family scene from the moment they had stepped onto the pier. She’d come there to make some decisions. There was nothing more the doctor’s could do for her father in Salem. He needed intense rehabilitation, and even then the doctors weren’t sure that he would ever be able to walk again. While the thought of her father being wheelchair bound for the rest of his life was disheartening, Kristen also felt a profound sense of relief over it. Stefano being confined to a wheelchair would limit his ability to wreak havoc on John, Marlena, and the rest of the Brady family.

Her internal debate had been over whether or not to go with her father to Europe. They had found a facility in Finland that might be able to help him regain full use of his arms, at the very least. The only thing keeping her in Salem was the hope, the small and quickly dying hope, that there might still be a future for her and John, but as she stood in the shadows watching them, that hope was dissipating rather fast. While she couldn’t hear their conversation, it seemed intimate, almost familial, and that made her uncomfortable. 

Hoping to at least talk to John before she made her final decision, she gingerly stepped from the shadows, saying, “Hello, John…Marlena.” Marlena and John turned around to find Kristen stepping onto the pier. She seemed unsure of herself, but focusing her eyes on John, she continued, “John…I was hoping I could speak with you.” Glancing over at Marlena she said, “…privately.”

John looked to Marlena, gauging her response, but she only touched his arm softly saying, “I’ll see you at the pub?”

Relief coursed through him. Marlena knew him so well, and trusted him infinitely. Squeezing her hand quickly, he said, “Yeah. Just give me a few minutes.” Marlena reached up to gently take Belle from his arms, but Belle clung tighter. 

She was already half asleep, and not willing to be removed from the warm comfort of her fathers arms. “No! My daddy,” she mumbled sleepily from where her face was nuzzled in her father’s neck.

John looked into Marlena’s laughing hazel eyes, and said, “I guess she’s staying with me.”

“I guess so,” Marlena said. “I’ll see you at the pub.”

John watched her walk away, towards where Bo was with the boys, and felt so much love, and adoration in his heart for what he had. It filled a void that had been present since he and Marlena had walked away from each other in Mexico. He didn’t even realize that Kristen watched with a sense of finality, as a look of reverence came over John’s features…simply from watching the other half of his soul walk down the pier. He finally turned back to Kristen, readjusting Belle in his arms.

Belle lifted her head up, looking at her father with a small pout. “Don’t move, Daddy!” she said, and then smacked him in the forehead.

“Belle! We are going to have a serious conversation about forehead smacks later today,” John told her with a barely concealed smile. Belle just gave him an identical smirk, and laid her head back down. “So, Kristen, how are you?”

“I’m okay. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my father,” she said cautiously, waiting to see John’s response, but he didn’t seem to have one, other than a tightening around his mouth, and his eyebrows moving into a frown, so she continued, “You know I left Tony?”

“I was aware of that. I mean after everything that happened during Marlena’s exorcism, and the demon telling you about Tony switching out your birth control…I knew it was a possibility.”

“John,” she said softly. “I was wondering if there might be a-I was hoping there might be a chance…for us?”

“Kristen, I’m still a priest.”

“I know…I meant after. After you get your dispensation? Maybe there is still a chance for us, to try and make it work,” she said. “I love you so much, John. I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“Kristen, you made it pretty clear, months ago, when you found out I was a priest, that we could not be together. I didn’t like it at the time, but I understand it now. I don’t understand the sudden change,” he said quietly, assuming that Belle was asleep on his shoulder by now.

“I made a mistake, John!” she cried frantically.

“I honestly believe, Kristen, that everything happens for a reason. Everything,” he told her. “Us? There is no us. That ended months ago.”

“It’s Marlena isn’t it?” she asked him with an edge to her voice. “You’re precious ‘Doc’ needs you, and now what? You don’t love me anymore?”

“Kristen, I don’t know where this is coming from. We’ve been over for almost a year!” John said in whispered exasperation.

“That doesn’t mean I stopped caring for you…stopped loving you,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“Kristen, I’ve moved on. Doc and I…we’re going to make a go of this. Us, our family…we want that. Kristen…I want that. A life with Doc? G-d, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t, but I’ve moved on,” John told her with soft compassion in his voice.

Kristen felt her heart slowly breaking. She had been so sure that John would be happy, relieved to have her back. After all, their love had been so strong…wasn’t it? Maybe she had been wrong. Kristen stepped forward, staring up at John with tear filled eyes, “John…please? I love you.”

“Kristen, I’m in love with Marlena. You and I…it wouldn’t have worked anyway. I hate your father. Nothing could ever happen to change my opinion of that lousy bastard, and you love him. You’re devoted to him. We would have crashed, and burned anyway. The way we ended? It was right, because the woman I’m supposed to be with, for the rest of my life, is sitting at the Brady Pub waiting for me right now…with our son,” John told her.

John smiled at her sadly, and then turned to leave. Reaching out to stop him, Kristen grabbed his arm, halting his progress.

Belle’s head jerked up immediately, looking at Kristen with all of the anger and rage a two year old child can possess, yelling, “My Daddy!” and promptly smacked Kristen Blake DiMera in the forehead.

Chapter 9

Walking into the pub, with Belle sleeping on his shoulder, John scanned the room looking for Marlena. The pub is busy for a Wednesday afternoon, the juke box playing music, with the sounds of conversations flowing around the room, interspersed with clanking dishes. Not finding Marlena, he approaches Caroline, adjusting Belle in his arms, and says quietly, “Do you mind if I take Belle back, and lay her down in the spare room?”

“Sure John. I have the portable crib set up in there already. Just settle her in there,” Caroline told him, as she wiped the bar top.

“Have you seen Doc?” he asked her, looking around again for Marlena.

“She told Brady he could go with Shawn D and Bo to get some more fish bait, and then told me she was going to freshen up in the back. She should be in the house somewhere,” Caroline said with a shrug.

“Thanks, Ma. I’m going to go lay Belle down,” he said turning to go into the back where the house was located. 

Caroline watched John walk away with Belle in his arms, her face in his neck, and her thumb in her mouth. John was such a good father. He always had been, and Caroline was so happy that he had Brady and Belle in his life, no matter how it had happened. She knew better than anyone not to cast stones over a love child resulting from an affair. Caroline worried about John as if he were her own son. He had been her son for seven years. It was hard to let go of that. She knew he was trying to be released from his vows of priesthood, and she also knew that he still loved Marlena. It was evident in the way he said her name, or the change in his facial expression when she walked into a room. It was also evident to Caroline, that Marlena felt the same way, and while they hadn’t said anything to their family or friends, Caroline knew where the two of them would end up…together. 

John walked down the hallway and turned the corner, running into Marlena. His face lit up at the sight of her, and he said, “Whoa, Doc, where you going in such a hurry?”

“To find you, Sailor,” she said with a sly smile. She tipped her head up to study his face thinking that he was the most gorgeous man she had ever set eyes on. “You’re my favorite person, you know.”

“Am I? Well in that case, I’m going to lay Belle down in the spare room. Care to join me?” he asked her softly. His eyes were glancing from her eyes to her mouth, and back again, causing Marlena’s center to clench with want. She stares at him for a moment longer, and silently nods her head in acquiescence, before following him further into the recesses of the house.

Placing Belle down gently into the portable crib, and covering her with a soft blanket, John turns to Marlena, grabbing her hand in his, and lacing their fingers together. He tugs her outside the room gently, grabbing the second baby monitor on the way out, and closes the door with a soft snick. Marlena, her heart beating rapidly in her chest, follows him, as he leads her down the hallway, and into another spare bedroom. Closing the door behind them, John leans back against the door, pulling her body into his, and threads his fingers through her flaxen hair. Marlena’s hazel eyes flash with want, and she gasps, staring up into his eyes. “I swear to G-d woman, I want you all the time,” he told her, before pulling her head forward, and slamming her lips into his. 

Marlena moaned into John’s mouth, as his hot tongue swept in over hers. She was desperate for him, her hands roughly pulling his shirt from the waistband of his jeans. She struggled with the buttons, desperate to get her hands on his skin. John shivered with want when the soft skin of her palms smoothed over his hips, and around to his lower back. When she dug her nails into his skin, raking them across him, and moaned into his mouth a second time, John released her hair, grabbing her hips, pulling her into his growing erection with a growl. 

“Oh, G-d, John,” she gasped. His lips moved from her lips to her neck, placing open mouthed kisses along her sensitive skin, and licking a line up behind her ear. “John, more..please, more…” she begged, trying to remain quiet, but losing her battle, because she struggled to get her breathing under control.

John’s mouth quickly moved over hers again, absorbing her cries of passion, as he ground his cock into her again. “This is killing me, Doc,” he gasps against her lips. “I want you so bad.”

“As soon as you…oh…get…” Marlena moaned long, and deep as John’s teeth latched into her ear lobe, biting it hard enough to hurt a little, but sending a ripple of pleasure through her body. “…your dispensation…as soon as…oh, G-d!”

John pulls back slightly, staring into her half-lidded eyes, full of desire, and glancing down at her reddened, puffy lips, saying, “I don’t even know if I am a priest. They can’t find the paperwork.” He kisses her mouth again, before resting his forehead against her, breathing harshly. “What if we’re just waiting for nothing?”

“Then this is the longest bit of foreplay I’ve ever had,” she mumbled, smoothing her palms over the skin of his back in a soothing, repetitive, motion. Marlena tipped her body up on her toes, leaning into John fully, and began kissing his neck.

“Doc,” he rasped. “You’re driving me crazy.”

“Good, because you pulled me into this room, and shut the door,” she said between kisses, and licks along his skin. “Now you tell me we have to stop.”

Pulling her mouth back to his, he said across her lips, “When I can finally make love to you, Doc, I’m going to fuck you into next week.”

Marlena bites his ear, and whispers, “Promises, promises.”

Unable to handle her taunting anymore, John flips her body, pressing her against the bedroom door with a clatter, and grinds his hips into the softness of her belly, “That’s more than a promise, baby.”

Marlena gasps sharply when John takes her hands and pins them above her head, leaning the full length of his own body against hers. Using his other hand, his fingers deftly unbutton her blouse, revealing her breasts to the cool air of the room. His head dips, and his tongue sweeps over the flesh just above the lace of her bra. John is immediately inundated with memories, with just the simple taste of her skin. His mind flashing to the night they made love on the conference room table at Titan Publishing. John moaned, while rubbing his face over the skin of her breasts, “Fuck, Doc, you taste the same…”

“Tell me…” she whispers. 

“That night at Titan…fuck, you taste just like that night,” he said licking between her breasts with a long, slow sweep of his tongue. “Like salt, soap, and perfume…I want you so bad.”

“I’m so wet right now…” she said, wanting him to know exactly how much he turned her on. She gasped as John’s teeth nipped at her neck. “I can feel it dripping out of me…” she whined, bucking her hips towards him.

“Why did you tell me that, Doc? Fuck,” he said, pulling back, and reaching for the fastening to her jeans. Snapping her pants open, and franticly lowering her zipper, his hand slid over her stomach, and into her panties so quickly Marlena cried out. “Shhh, Doc, you gotta be quiet,” he told her, his lips taking her mouth again.

Marlena was on fire, the flames in her body burning brighter, as his finger strummed over her clit. She could barely speak when she told him, “G-d, John, we’re not supposed to…”

“I’ll go to confession tomorrow, Doc,” he panted into her mouth. “Just don’t ask me to stop. Let me do this…because I can’t stop…”

“I don’t want you to stop. I’m going to come, John,” she said, throwing her head back so fast it knocked on the door.

“Come on my hand, baby. I want to watch your face,” he said roughly, staring at her like she was the sexiest thing he had ever seen, as her hips moved in tandem with John’s fingers, riding his hand while she came closer to her climax.

“I need to touch you, John,” she panted in shallow breaths. Her fingers shook as they opened his jeans, her small hand reaching into his boxer briefs to wrap around the length of his cock. John’s head fell forward onto her shoulder with a groan when she squeezed him, and pulled him from the confines of his pants. Her other hand laced into his hair, holding his head against her body, as she moved her lips over the side of his neck.

He needed more of her. He wanted to strip her naked, and bury his cock in her body, but he wasn’t so far gone that he had no self control, he just had very little self control. Craving more of the taste of her skin, he roughly pulled the cup of her bra down, freeing her breast, and snatched it up with his lips, sucking hard, and pulling deeply on her nipple, desperate for the flavor of her rolling across his tongue. Her body spiraled higher as sensation washed over her causing her to cry out, “Oh G-d!”

Marlena’s hand pulled along his length jerkily, while she continued to rock her hips into John’s hand. He lifted his head, staring into her blown pupils, and said roughly, “Harder, Doc…harder and faster…” 

Tightening the pressure of her hand around him, she began to make her strokes along his length faster, rubbing her thumb over the head of his cock with each pull of her hand. While they hadn’t been together like this in years, she still remembered what he liked. John moaned at the sensations rolling through him, her thumb wiping his arousal over his dick, as the soft skin of her palm moved over cock. His body jerked, sensation pulsing through him, his voice rough with unbridled passion, “I’m close, Doc, so fucking close.”

His thumb rubbed over her clit back and forth, three fingers pumping in and out of her body. Marlena started panting, high pitched, sharp gasps, “John! Oh, G-d…” and then it hits her, washing over her body in a rush of ecstasy. 

John starts to come as soon as Marlena’s body starts quaking against his, “Doc, G-d! Doc, I love you…I love you so much.” Looping her arms around his neck, Marlena’s body sags into John. His arm wraps around her waist supporting her against him, as he lift his hand to his mouth, slowly licking her from his fingers. John moaned again, softly, saying, “You taste the same…”

Guilt washed over her when she whispered, “What did we do?”

“What we’ve been wanting to do for weeks,” John replied with no guilt at all.

Chapter 10

John stumbled down the stairs at 5:45 in the morning the following day, confused as to who would be knocking on the loft door that early. Once he slid the door open, he was beyond surprised to find Sami standing there with tears in her eyes. John was still half asleep, and asked in a questioning tone, “Sami? Punkin’ what’s wrong? Where the hell have you been?”

She started crying in relief as John pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. Him calling her Punkin’ was the final act to open the flood gates of her already overwrought emotions. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” she cried, throwing her arms around John. It was like coming home, his scent bringing back memories of her early childhood, and all of the times he had held her close when she felt like her life was falling apart. When John had been taken away from her, she’d felt her life begin to spiral. At first, she was so young that she didn’t understand it, but later when she was a teenager, she’d tried so hard to hang onto her new family, that she’d actually succeeded in destroying it. Too young to understand at the time, she’d blamed everyone around her, while refusing to accept her own responsibility in it. 

“Your mother is going to be so happy,” he told her, smoothing his hand over her hair. Marlena had woken from a nightmare two days ago about an interaction she’d had with Sami when she was possessed. She’d woken in a panic, sobbing and blaming herself for Sami having run away from home, and while John had reassured her that there was very likely much more to it, Marlena still felt responsible.

Sami looked up at the man she still considered her father, the only man in her life she felt she could trust, and said softly, “Can we talk first?”

“Yeah, sure. Do you want something to drink? I’m going to start a pot of coffee, but I have tea too,” he said, turning towards the kitchen.

“Just water, please,” Sami said walking towards the couch.

“You know, Sami, the whole family has been worried sick about you over the last few months. Carrie and Austin even followed you to LA, and then Seattle, looking for you,” John said, watching her for a moment before he resumed what he was doing.

“I’m sorry…I’ve screwed up so much, John. I don’t even know where to start, to fix this,” she said, wiping a tear from her face.

“Well, Punkin’, you could start at the beginning. Your mom and I love you, no matter what. I want you to remember that, and any mistakes you may have made, we’re here for you. Always.”

Walking over to the couch, John sat beside her, taking her hand in his, and turning her face to look at him. “When did it start, honey?”

“I don’t know! Mom probably thinks it was her…but it wasn’t. Everything seems to have something before it. Something that caused something else. There’s so much to unpack…” she said softly with her voice trailing off at the end. “I know I need to talk to someone…professional, but I’ve had so much anger towards mom over the last few years, I’ve refused to do it. Now I’m in this mess.”

“It’s early, we’ve got time. We can start at the beginning, and I think I know when that was,” John said, standing up to go pour himself a cup of coffee.

“You do?” She asked him. Did John really know, or did he just think he knew?

John walked back to the couch, handing her a glass of water. “Probably around the same time my own life took a dramatic turn. When Roman Brady returned,” he said softly. “And I don’t want you to take that wrong, Sami. I don’t mean it that way. It’s just, that moment, that event…well, it changed everything, didn’t it?”

“I lost my Daddy…I lost you,” she said staring at the water glass in her hands.

“Our lives were thrown into chaos, and it was through no fault of our own. I lost my wife, my house, my job…and my children,” he told her her. “I had been your father for seven years, and suddenly I wasn’t.”

“I was so angry, and for some reason…I blamed you. For not being able to hold it all together,” Sami said looking up at him. “I can see now how unfair that it was, but at the age of seven…I couldn’t understand.”

“Punkin’, leaving you and Eric…losing Doc…almost destroyed me. I was a mess for months.”

“At the time, I thought you left us to have a family with Isabella,” Sami whispered.

“I had to move on Sami, but I didn’t want to ever leave you. You and Eric were mine. I raised you, and losing you broke me.”

“I never felt secure after that. I always felt that at any moment my family could be torn apart—”

“—and then your mom and I had an affair…I know what that did to you, Punkin’, and I’m so sorry,” John told her in a low voice.

“It was weird though. When I first saw you, in the conference room, I was happy…almost like I forgot how things were, but then I remembered, and I was angry,” she said, pausing for a moment before she continued, “That doesn’t even make sense, does it?”

“It does. Emotions are weird things, Sami, but your mom told me something once, a long time ago. She said that we can’t control our emotions. What we feel, is what we feel, but we can control how we react to them.”

“Well, I guess I didn’t react very well, did I? I set off on a path of self destruction burning everything in my way…all because I was scared, lonely, and missing my Daddy. Missing you,” Sami said.

John took her water glass from her hand, placing it on the table next to his empty coffee mug, and pulled her into his arms, smoothing his hand over her hair. “Samantha Gene, what’s done is done. We can’t change it, but whatever you’ve gotten yourself into…your mother and I are here to help you though it,” John told her.

“Do you love her?”

“With every beat of my heart,” John whispered.

“I’m glad. I am. Last night, when I got back, Grandma told me what happened. What Stefano did, and the possession. She told me other stuff too, about Maison Blanche…and-and about her affair with Victor. Maybe because I’m older now, and she felt like I could handle the details. I don’t know why she told me, but it helped me. It helped me a lot,” Sami said. “My life is so complicated right now, and I haven’t even dealt with nearly as much as you and Mom have been through.”

“Your mother has been through too much in her life, Sami. She’s been hurt too many times, and I promise you, I will love her for the rest of mine.”

“I’m pregnant,” Sami whispered against John’s chest as tears fell from her eyes. “…and I did something bad…I don’t know how to fix it.”

John was shocked and scared for his little girl. Being pregnant at seventeen would be a challenge. The rest of her life would be a challenge, but now was not the time to react poorly, so John just said, “Tell me about it.”

“I’m so ashamed,” Sami cried, holding onto him tighter, and hiding her face.

“Sometimes facing the result of our choices is difficult, but it’s gotta be done. So just tell me, and we’ll figure it out,” John told her.

Sami struggled to sit up, wiping the tears from her face, because if she was going to come clean about this, she had to face the man who’s opinion mattered to her, more than anything else in the world, “I drugged Austin. He-he thinks we slept together…but we didn’t. I swear we didn’t…and-and…I’m pregnant. Obviously, not by Austin, and I’m going to have a baby in about five months.”

“Okay, okay,” John said trying to stay calm as his heart raced. “We can-we can figure this out, but I think we’re going to have to wake your mom up for the rest of this,” he said gently.

“She’s going to be so pissed,” Sami said.

“Probably, but she won’t abandon you. That woman sleeping upstairs, loves her children more than anything in this world. She might be frustrated, she might be disappointed, but she loves you, and she won’t abandon you,” John said. “You have to trust in that.”

“When Roman left, I thought I’d lost my father again, but I didn’t did I? Because you’ve been here all along,” Sami said with a shy smile.

“I changed your diapers, I took care of you when you were sick, I coached your softball team…Samantha, I will always be your father. Nothing can change that for me.”

“I love you. I love you so much,” Sami said wrapping her arms around him tightly.

Pulling back, and tipping her face to his John says, “Now, before we get your mom down here…do you know who the father of the baby is? Four months ago, you were still in Salem.”

“It’s Lucas. Lucas Roberts…”

“Have you told him?” John asked her.

“No. I’ve got myself in this huge mess. Austin’s going to think it’s his baby, because I made him think…”

“Okay. Okay, yeah, we need your mom for this…but Punkin’, know this, we’re going to get it straightened out. That’s a fact.”

Chapter 11

Marlena was snuggled onto the couch, with Sami in her arms. Having her daughter back made her feel like another part of her broken soul slipped back into place. “You know, Sami, John said something to me weeks ago, and it’s stuck with me ever since. It was something I needed to hear, and I think the analogy is fitting now,” Marlena told her. “There’s this type of Japanese pottery, called kintsugi. When the pottery is broken, they repair it with gold…sometimes silver, and they put the pieces back together. The item becomes something new, almost more beautiful than it had been previously. Right after the exorcism, when memories were flooding my mind, and I was realizing all of the horrible things that the demon had done, John told me that even if I felt broken, eventually I would heal. I wouldn’t be the same, but I’d still be beautiful. I’d still be worthwhile, and I would still be loved.”

“That sounds really pretty,” Sami whispered, enjoying the feel of her mothers hand as it combed through her hair. She wasn’t sure how all of this was going to turn out, but the idea of what her mother said, the healing, and still being loved…she’d needed to hear that. 

“You’re going to get through this, honey. When everything is said and done, when you’ve healed from all the pain in your life…you’ll still be beautiful, and you’ll still be loved. So loved,” Marlena told her softly.

A soft knock sounded on the door, causing Sami to flinch, and sit up quickly. She relaxed when she heard John’s voice, “Doc, it’s me. Can you get the door, my arms are full of groceries.”

Sami went to the door, sliding it open to find John standing there with two large grocery bags in his arms. Marlena laughed, taking one from his arms, “I thought you were just dropping the kids off with Caroline.”

“Well, yeah, I did that, but then I thought we might need some lunch. I don’t know, sandwiches or something,” John said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe Carrie and Austin will want to stay for lunch?”

“I don’t think Carrie and Austin will want to ever speak to me after this,” Sami muttered.

“You don’t know that,” Marlena said softly. “Your sister is a very kind and forgiving person.”

“I tried to steal her boyfriend, and made him think he slept with me,” Sami said. “I don’t think she’s going to react well.” She moved into the kitchen, and starting helping John take grocery items out of the bags.

“No. No, you’re right. She won’t react well, but I think she’ll understand that you made some bad choices. Things you are genuinely remorseful for,” Marlena said looking into her daughters blue eyes. “She’ll understand how your life spiraled when Roman returned. Her’s did too.”

“It did? How?” Sami asked. She didn’t think Carrie had ever done anything wrong in her life.

“Maybe we can let her share that…if she wants,” Marlena said, thinking back to Carrie’s anger at Roman and John, and her almost mistake with Lawrence Alamian. “Just know this, Sami, what Stefano did to this family, everyone suffered. We all dealt with our pain in different ways, most them unhealthy. I should have talked to Roman, and told him how conflicted I was. I didn’t, and I take responsibility for the fall out from that,” Marlena told her, smoothing the hair back from her daughters face. “But I think it’s safe to say, that no matter what, we all love each other…no matter what.”

A knock sounded on the door, and Sami looked at her mother with abject fear in her eyes. John watched the byplay between the two women, and said, “Are we good? I’m going to get the door.”

Marlena, still staring at her daughter, says softly, “Yes, John. We’re good.” John watched them for a moment longer and then moved to open the door.

When Carrie and Austin entered, Sami could tell her sister had been crying. Her eyes were red rimmed and slightly swollen. Austin looked reserved, almost scared to know why he had been called there. It became even worse, as they both took notice of Sami’s slightly protruding abdomen. Carrie looked ready to cry again, and Austin looked like he might throw up at any point. Just as it looked as if Austin might speak, Sami blurted out hysterically, “I lied! I lied! Oh my G-d! I’m so sorry!”

Marlena realized quickly that she was going to have to help Sami navigate this mess she’d gotten herself into. “Carrie, Austin…why don’t we sit down and wade through this…situation together,” Marlena said.

Austin was still looking at Sami’s belly, with a look of horror on his face. Sami looked at him, and said casually, “It’s not yours, so you can calm down.”

“You’re sure?” he asked her. “Because if it is…I’ll- well, I’ll take care of it…”

Sami sighed, falling to the couch in defeat, as she started talking, “Let me get this out, because it’s hard enough that I’ve already been through it twice in the last three hours. When I’m done, you can yell and scream…whatever…but let me get it all out first. Okay?” Carrie and Austin nodded slowly, and Sami began by looking at Carrie, “When Alan raped me, I was scared, and alone. I couldn’t tell Dad, because I thought he would be ashamed of me, and I was so angry with Mom, there was no way I was going to tell her. All I had was Lucas. He found out by accident…and then he told you. Even after I told him not to. You told me to press charges, that Alan would be convicted, but he wasn’t. You’d promised me that he wouldn’t be able to hurt me anymore, and instead he walked free, harassing me at every turn. I was angry. I wanted to hurt you, as much as you’d hurt me.” Sami looked at Austin quickly, before returning her attention to Carrie, “I thought I could hurt you if I took Austin away from you, but he wasn’t interested. I tried so many ways to get him to notice me. To have him come to my rescue, none of it worked…so I drugged him.”

“What in the actual fuck, Sami!” Austin said rising from his seat on the chair.

John stood up, looking at Austin, and said, “I think you agreed to let her speak her piece before you reacted. Sit down.”

Austin begrudgingly sat back down, with a look of fury on his face, but said nothing as Sami said, “We didn’t sleep together. I let you think we did, but-but we never did. I’m sorry. I can’t say much else, honestly. I messed up, I messed up big. I know that. Now I’ve got a baby on the way, and a boat load of emotional baggage to unload in therapy over the next few years, but I swear. I am sorry.”

Carrie looked at her sister, studying her face, and her body for any of her typical tell-tell signs of lying. They were’t there. “Why are you telling the truth now? When you’ve been lying for months?”

“When I first found out I was pregnant, the first thing I thought about, was how easy it would be to come back, and say it was Austin’s baby, but then I thought about my own life, about losing John, then Dad leaving, and Mom and John’s affair…what I did with Belle. Everything rolled over me all at once, and I thought I would collapse from the weight of it all,” Sami said softly, barely a whisper. “I don’t want that for my baby. I want to do this right, so they don’t suffer…and lying? It would never work. It never has in the past. It’s time to stop blaming everyone else for my actions, and tackle all the bullshit in my head, because my baby is the most important thing in my life right now.” Sami turned to Austin, “But it’s not your baby…and we never slept together.”

“Who’s baby is it?” Carrie asked her gently.

“Lucas,” she responded.

“Lucas? My brother?” Austin said incredulously.

“Congratulations,” Sami said with bitter sarcasm. “You’re going to be an uncle.”

Chapter 12

Returning to the morgue for the fourth time, John knew he was desperate. He was grasping at straws, excuses, a way to tell himself that the love of his life was truly gone. He says to himself, “I know. I can’t believe I’m back here again. Why? Well, because Belle said, ‘Mama’.” John paused in his movement toward where Marlena’s body was being held, closing his eyes briefly, sighing, “Not only am I talking to myself, I’m answering myself…I just have to see you one more time, and then I’ll know…you’re really gone.”

Opening the mortuary cabinet, he slid Marlena’s body out. He was going to force himself to say goodbye, he had to, this one last time. He stared down at her, blinking his eyes to hold back the tears, and whispered, “You’re still so beautiful. This-this is our last goodbye.” Unable to hold himself back he leaned forward, softly kissing her lips. He paused for a moment, pulling back to stare at her face in awe, and saying, “You’re lips are warm…she’s breathing…no, I’m just seeing what I want to see…” That minute hope he felt, dissipates while he is again overcome with loss, and then Marlena’s head moves slightly. At first he thinks he’s imagined it, but then she moves again…

The dream shifts, and suddenly the demon has him, pushing him towards the wall, yelling, “This is a fight to the death, and if you don’t give into my needs, then you will die!” The hand the grips his face is Marlena’s, the face contorted into a mask of rage was Marlena’s, but John knows…this isn’t her. John is nearing unconsciousness when the demon throws his body aside, saying in frustration, “You’re no longer a threat to me…or anybody else. It’s time I made good on my promise. It’s time to end Marlena’s wretched life, once and for all!”

John coughs harshly, trying to get his breath back, “No! No, don’t do it. Don’t take Marlena, please…take me instead…Please, please…don’t take Marlena.” John struggles to get up from the cold floor, grasping onto the table for support. He reaches for the demon, staring up at the most beautiful face he has ever known, and whispers, “Take me instead.” 

The dream shifts again, and Marlena finds herself sitting on the couch, in her old house, next to a strange man. She turns to him, feeling oddly at peace, and says, “Who are you?”

“I’m Gabriel, but you can call me Gabe,” he tells her gently.

She stares into his eyes, deciding to trust him, “Why am I here?”

“I gave you a dream, a memory…so you could understand what I’m about to tell you.”

“Are you a friend of John’s? I think he may have mentioned you, although I’m a little foggy on the details right now,” she said. 

“You are the other half of John’s soul,” Gabe told her. “You are fated. He was willing to sacrifice himself to save you. To give himself over to a demon, to keep you alive. That type of sacrifice is the purest form of love.”

“I love him too. I love him so much,” she whispered, looking around. She realized that it decorated and looked identical to how it had been when she lived there with John. When they were so happy. She looks at Gabe sadly, and says, “But he’s a priest.”

“Is he?” he responds cryptically. “John’s going to receive something from the daughter of an enemy. A journal. You thought it was destroyed at Maison Blanche. He’s going to deny its contents. He’s going to want to refuse the truth of what he reads as another trick from the man who has destroyed his life over and over again,” Gabe said. “Don’t let him do that. What is written between those pages…is truth.”

“Kristen?” Marlena asked him, reaching out to touch his arm gently. Her hand touches nothing but air, because Gabe is gone. She rises from the couch, to walk over to the photos seated on the mantle, above the fireplace. Marlena touches the pictures delicately, as if she would break them. John with Carrie, and the twins…John with her. Everyone was so happy. Silent tears begin to make their way down her face, as she cries about what was lost, but in her heart…in her should she also feels hope rising…

John wakes to the sound of Marlena crying in her sleep, her tears falling onto her pillow. “Doc, baby,” John whispers, brushing his fingers over her face. “Honey, wake up, please.” Marlena’s eyes flutter open, to find John’s staring down at her with concern. He asks her gently, “Are you okay? You were crying in your sleep.”

“You almost died for me,” she said, moving her body closer to his. “I saw you. You told the demon to take you…so you could save me! John! Why would you do that?”

“Hey, hey, I love you,” he told her gently, wrapping his arms around her, and burying his face in her hair. “I was desperate. I couldn’t imagine a world without you in it, and if I had to give up my soul to save yours…I would do it again.”

“It was such an odd dream. It kept shifting around, which was confusing, and then…”

John waited for her to continue, and when she didn’t, he said, “Do you want to talk about it? Because we don’t have to, Doc. Not if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“I ended up in the house, the way it looked before Orpheus bombed it. The same couch, the same photos on the mantle, and I was sitting on the couch next to a man…someone I’d never seen before, but yet I felt like I knew him,” she said softly. “He said his name was Gabriel, but I could call him—”

“Gabe,” John finished in a whisper, as a tingle ran down his spine and goosebumps covered his skin.

“Uh-huh, Gabe,” she said, wondering where this was going. “He seemed as if he knew you.”

“I’ve seen Gabe a few times, starting before Maison Blanche. He comes into my life to offer advice, or to warn me that something is going to happen,” John said, hoping that Marlena didn’t think that sounded crazy.

“He said something to me that sounded kind of like that. He said that the daughter of an enemy was going to give you a journal. The one we thought was destroyed at Maison Blanche,” she said.

“The one Stefano burned?” he asked her.

“I think? He said you would want to deny what was written inside, but to tell you that it’s the truth,” she said.

“It’s the truth?”

“I took it to mean, that you won’t want to believe what it says. It will be hard for you, but that it’s not another trick by Stefano,” Marlena said softly.

“Was that the whole dream, Doc?”

“No. Gabe said-he said, that we’re soul mates,” Marlena said running her nose along his neck. “I told him how much I love you, but you’re a priest, and then he said… ‘Is he?’ Almost as if you aren’t a priest at all.”

“I told you about my conversation with Father Jansen. Even the Bishop is confused, because they can’t seem to find the documentation that I was ever ordained,” John told her, as a shiver wracked his body in response to what she was doing.

“John, what if you aren’t a priest, and we’ve been torturing ourselves for the last two months?” Marlena asked him, sliding her hand under his shirt, and over his chest.

Rolling onto his back, and moaning low, in the back of his throat, he said roughly, “Then this is definitely a lesson in restraint, because all I can think about is making love to you.”

Marlena rolled onto her back beside him, staring at the ceiling, and said, “I know. What makes it ten times worse is that my mind keeps replaying all of the dreams, and fantasies you’ve had about me, so I’m constantly turned on.”

“Constantly?” John asked, turning to face her on his side. Her sleep tousled hair, and her pillowy soft lips were causing his body to react in ways that were distinctly not priest-like.

“Yes, John,” she said with a smirk.

“Right now?”

She watched him, wondering what he was planning. He looked as turned on as she was, so she said, barely above a whisper, “Yes.”

“I’m not sure if I believe you, Doc. I may need to check, to make sure you aren’t lying to me,” he said in a husky tone.

“I’m not.”

“So what kinds of things did I dream about you?”

“G-d, John, don’t ask me that,” she moaned. Her pussy began to ache, as flashes of his fantasies went through her mind.

“I want to know. Which ones have you all hot and bothered, baby?”

“I swear you’re trying to torture me.”

“Tell me…please, tell me,” he begged her.

“Against the wall in your shower…you-you had my body pressed against the wall with my leg up…over your shoulder,” she whispered, closing her eyes for a second. When she opened them, she saw him staring at her with raw desire, and she said, “Your hand was pushing on my stomach, and you were—”

“—that one started during our affair. I would dream about you coming here, and I would take you into the shower, and bury my face between your legs. Our encounters were so hurried, and so laden with guilt. I just wanted to worship your body, and my dreams were so vivid,” he said. His fingers started to slide under the elastic of her pajama bottoms, causing her to gasp, as he said, “What else, Doc?”

“You were sleeping in a hospital bed, and you dreamed that I came to you…” she trailed off again when his hand slid inside her pants, and John realized she wasn’t wearing panties.

“Are you intentionally trying to drive me mad, woman?” he asked her as he smacked her pussy once, causing arousal to shoot through her body. She felt the brush of his fingers over her clit, and she arched up against his hand. “So tell me, baby, do you have any fantasies of your own, or are you just using mine to fuel your filthy thoughts?”

“I do,” she said.

“Are you going to tell me,” he asked her, stoking his finger over her softly.

“I can show you,” she said, rolling away from him, and standing beside the bed. She slid her pajama bottoms to the floor, and slowly started unbuttoning her top, as she said, with more authority than she actually felt, “Take your clothes off, John.”

“Doc! What are you about to do?”

“Take them off,” she said watching him. John couldn’t take his eyes off of her naked body, as he pushed his pants down, and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

“You know we can’t—” he started to say.

“—we won’t,” she said cutting him off, while crawling across the bed to him, and straddling his body.

John’s cock pulsed against her pussy, when she settled her weight on him, causing both of them to groan out loud. The heat of her body engulfed him and he threw his head back against the pillow. She began to slide her wet pussy along his length, causing his cock to bump her clit over and over. “What the fuck? Doc, this feels amazing.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for days,” she said leaning forward, and placing her palms on his chest for leverage, while she rocked her hips over him.

His hands made their way up her legs, settling on her hips, and grinding her into him, harder, and faster. Marlena’s breasts swayed with their frantic movement, and John leaned forward, lapping at her nipple with his tongue before pulling it into his mouth, and voicing his approval with a low growl. “I need to feel you,” he says, pulling her body flush with his. Her warmth seeped into him, while his hands drifted up over her shoulders, holding her in place as his hips continued to pump his cock along the slit in her pussy.

Marlena nearly cried, when his cock almost slipped inside her, “John! Oh, G-d!”

“Not yet, honey…not yet,” he said roughly in her ear. He felt his climax coming, that deep tingle at the base of his spine, and he asked her, “Are you close?”

“Yes, yes, yes…I’m nearly there,” she panted against his ear.

And that final, breathless acknowledgement, combined with the sweaty slide of their skin, pushed John over the edge. When Marlena felt his hot, wet release on her skin, and felt the shudder in John’s body, she was lost, tumbling into her own bliss driven oblivion.

She laid on top of him, both of them breathing heavy, and Marlena whispered, “I love you, John. You are my life, and my heart.”

“I love you, Doc,” he whispered back.

Chapter 13

Kristen sat in the hospital staring into her fathers open, and yet unresponsive eyes. He’d been like this for hours, and she was waiting on the test results, but ultimately, Kristen knew it wouldn’t be good news. If she asked him a question he could respond with yes or no, by blinking his eyes, but otherwise he was completely immobile. She turned her head at the sound of the door opening, to see Mike Horton walk in with a grim look on his face, and she knew nothing would ever be the same. “It was a stroke, wasn’t it?” she asked him.

Mike nods slowly, and tells her, “The brain scans came back, as well as the echocardiogram, and it was a stroke. A pretty severe stroke, which is why he’s lost the use of his body, and he can’t speak. He’s still aware of everything going on around him, but unable to respond verbally.”

“Is it permanent? Is he ever going to be able to walk or speak again?” Kristen asked him, becoming more frantic.

“We don’t know. We don’t have the proper facilities to rehabilitate him here. The damage done is to extensive. I would suggest that you find a facility that specializes in strokes,” Mike said gently.

“There was a place in Finland, we had discussed going there to help him regain use of his arms after the fall. Maybe I could contact them? See if they might still have something that could help us?” Kristen said absently.

“I think that might be for the best. I can also have the vascular neurologist come, and speak with you as well. It’s possible that they may have some suggestions in the meantime?” Mike said before leaving the room. 

Kristen turned back to her father, looking at him sadly, and noticed one lone tear trailing down his cheek. She wiped it away with her finger, leaning forward to kiss his cheek, and she said, “It’s over now Father. All of it. Your vendetta against the Brady’s, your grudge against John…your obsession with Marlena. All of it.”

She watched as her father blinked one time, indicating ‘no’. She placed her hand on his chest, saying, “It has to end. I’m giving John the journal I found in your things. He deserves to know. Everything. And if we get you through this, if we can get you into some type of recovery, I need you to do this for me. Promise me it’s over, please? Please Father, end this now.”

She watches Stefano’s face, as he pauses to respond. He blinks slowly twice, indication ‘yes’. She doesn’t know if he’s lying or not. Knowing her father he probably is, but she can’t do anything about it in this moment. “I’m going to go make some calls to the clinic in Finland, I’ll be back soon.”

As Kristen left the room, an enraged Stefano DiMera lay trapped in his bed by his own traitorous body, finally acknowledging to himself that his battle again the Brady’s, and ultimately John, may well be over.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been three days since my last confession,” John said.

“John, we could do this in my office if you want,” Father Jansen replied through the screen when he recognized John’s voice. “I have some information for you…it might prevent these frequent visits you’re having to the confessional.”

John runs his fingers through his hair, and says roughly, “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Upon entering Father Jansen’s office, John falls into the chair by the desk, and drops his head into his hands. When Father Jansen has himself seated behind the desk, he watches John for a moment. It’s obvious that he’s in love with Marlena, and eaten up by guilt over their increasingly intimate exchanges, but not enough to stop them from happening. He leans forward, placing his elbows on his desk, and threading his fingers together, when he says, “The Bishop doesn’t think you were ever ordained, John.”

“What?” he says, lifting his head to stare at his friend.

“Your went missing three days before your final vows were scheduled. When you came to the Church in Chicago, a year later, you had paperwork saying you were a priest…but you never took the vows, John. There is no record of it anywhere.”

“I never took the vows?” John sighed in relief. “Stefano. I know it has something to do with Stefano,” John says standing up, and walking to the window in frustration. He stared out over the lawn, before he asked, “What about the exorcism, and the demon trying to seduce a priest?”

“Likely another game, John. Demons are devious by nature. During Marlena’s exorcism, you had Father Francis…but you had something stronger. Love. You’re not a priest. You never were,” Father Jansen says with a smile. “So you can stop coming to confession every couple of days. I’m assuming, you plan to marry her.”

“That’s a fact! I’ve already asked her, kind of. It’s gonna happen, and it’s going to happen soon,” John said with a huge smile on his face, turning to Father Jansen. He felt lighter than he had in months.

“Your confession today…did you think you broke your vows?”

“We didn’t have sex, but I was pretty sure…well, it was close enough to qualify,” John said. “We were trying so hard to stop ourselves, but the attraction…the need…there’s a reason I was in the confessional every two to three days. It’s more than just attraction. Yes, my body craves her, but my soul? My soul needs her.”

“A love like that, is once in a lifetime, John,” Father Jansen says quietly.

“I know,” John says looking at the priest, and thinking of Gabe’s message to Marlena. “We both know.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Kristen, what a surprise!” Marlena said as she slid the loft door open. “Do you want to come in? John’s not here, he took the children over to Caroline’s for awhile, but he should be home shortly.

So many aspects of that sentence tore at her heart, but Kristen replied, “No. I have to get going. Father had a stroke yesterday. I’m taking him to a clinic in Finland, but the outcome is not hopeful,” she says looking away for a moment, before turning back to Marlena. “I don’t-I want you to know that, I don’t blame you for what happened with my Father. I was there for the exorcism, and I know that wasn’t you.”

Marlena looked at her with tears in her eyes, and said, “Thank you. Rationally I know that I was not in control, but emotionally it’s a slower process. Forgiveness helps, so thank you.”

I wanted to drop this off before we left Salem,” Kristen said reaching into her bag, and pulling out a small leather-bound book. “It was my Father’s, and I think…well, I read it, and I know it will answer a lot of John’s questions. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything he has done to the Brady’s…and to you, but most especially to John.” After handing the book to Marlena, Kristen tells her, “He loves you…John loves you…he always has.”

“He’s my soul mate…I’m sorry you were hurt in all of this, Kristen, and I’m sorry Belle smacked you. We’ve been talking to her about that…”

Kristen laughed softly, “Yeah, John explained about that…I’m going to go. Tell John I said goodbye.” 

After watching Kristen board the elevator, Marlena slid the loft door closed. Leaning against the door she ran her fingers over the leather cover of the journal Kristen had left for John, and then she placed it on the kitchen counter. She would wait for John to read what was inside. They had started this journey together ten years ago, and they would finish it together.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Thank’s again Caroline for taking the kids for a few days,” John told her as he was leaving the pub.

“Have you told Marlena yet, about what Father Jansen told you today?” Caroline asked him. 

“Not yet. I wanted it to be a surprise. Alice is letting me use the cabin out on Smith Island, so I thought I’d take Doc out there for e few days. I know she agreed to marry me, but I want to ask her again…the right way,” he said with a smirk. 

“I understand,” Caroline told him.

“I’ll have the portable phone if you need to reach me,” John said hugging her tightly.

“I love the two of you, John,” Caroline said, placing her hand on his arm gently. “You are both family to me, Belle and Brady are my grandkids. I want this to work out for you. You both deserve it.”

“Doc deserves it. She deserves everything I can give her. She’s been through so much, Ma,” John said, easily switching back and forth between calling Caroline by her given name, and referring to her as his mother, because it came so naturally to him.  “Healing from the possession, and coming to terms with everything that happened to her has been hard. I will spend the rest of my life making her happy.”

Shawn came around the corner, surprised to see John, “Johnny boy! I’m happy to see you!”

“Hey, Pops. I was just dropping the kids off for a few days. I’m going to take Marlena out to Smith Island,” John said.

“Smith Island, ye say? It’s good weather fer it, I’d say. Catch some end of summer sunshine, and go swimming. ‘Sides Caroline and me, we love having the kids. Keeps us young,” Shawn said patting John on the back. “Plus, Marlena, she needs a rest.”

“She does, she does,” John says.

Shawn watched John’s eyes twinkle. It always disconcerted him a little bit, the color of John’s eyes, and how they always seemed so familiar to him, but Shawn simply attributed it to the fact that John had been a son to him for seven years. “You got anything else planned?” Shawn asked him.

“I do. I’m going to officially ask Marlena to marry me,” John said. “Now that I know I’m not a priest.”

“I think it’s about time ye did that too,” Shawn said. “Some happiness is what ye both need, I’d say.”

Chapter 14

John locked eyes with Marlena as soon as he entered the loft. Coming home was such a pleasant experience in the last two months. His home smelled of Marlena, and he wanted his home to always smell like her. They both gazed on each other for a moment before speaking simultaneously.

“I’m not a priest.”

“Kristen came by.”

Both were silent for a moment while they processed what the other said, and again spoke at the same time.

“Why was Kristen here?”

“You’re not a priest?”

“I am not a priest,” he said walking towards like he was stalking prey. “I never was, and I never will be,” he said reaching for her, and pulling her body into his so hard that she gasped out loud. His fingers traced over her lips, and he was looking at her as if he would consume her.

“Huh. Not a priest,” she said smiling up at him.

“And I’ve got plans for us, Doc. Big plans. Go pack a bag for a few days, we’re going out to Smith Island,” John told her, kissing the tip of her nose quickly, before stepping back, to prevent himself from taking her right there on the couch.

“Don’t you need to pack a bag?” she asked.

“I’m a step ahead of you, baby. It’s in the car,” he told her with a sassy smirk. Grabbing her shoulders, and turning her towards the stairs, John smacked her ass, and said, “Now go.”

Marlena threw her head back laughing, and said over her shoulder, “Stop teasing me!”

“Teasing? Doc, I’ll smack your ass as much as you want. There’s more where that came from. Now, hurry up,” he said, turning to walk into the kitchen, and get himself a glass of water.

John noticed the leather bound book out of the corner of his eye, and immediately knew what it was. Marlena had said that Kristen came by, now he knew why. He looked at it, tempted to start reading, but decided to wait. He and Marlena, they were going to do this together. He instinctively knew she had waited for him.

John knew it was going to be hard to deal with. Gabe had warned Marlena that he would struggle to accept it as the truth. It was almost kismet that Kristen brought it by today, when he planned to whisk Marlena away for three days to an uninhabited island. Whatever was in it, processing that, and digesting the truths that lay inside, were best done with the woman he loved, in private. Snatching up the journal, John ran up the stairs to make sure that Marlena put it in her bag, because he wanted to make sure they brought it along.

The sound of water hit his ears when he reached the stop of the stairs, drawing him closer to the bedroom they shared. Placing the journal on top of Marlena’s things in her bag, John treaded softly towards the bathroom. Even with steam filling the air, John could still see the blurry outline of Marlena’s naked body through the glass door. Water streamed down over her breasts and curvy hips, causing John’s cock to begin hardening with merely the thought of burying himself in her heat. He was hit again with the fantasy he used to have about Marlena in his shower, and he moaned out loud. Marlena looked up at him, not completely surprised to find him watching her.

“Doc, you are so absolutely gorgeous,” he said roughly.

“I just wanted to wash up, before we left,” she said over her shoulder. Pausing for a moment, and thinking about John’s fantasy of her in the shower, she finally whispered, “I might need help washing my back…”

“Do you? I could probably help with that,” he rasped, barely able to speak, because his throat was so thick with arousal.

“Your clothes will get wet, so you’ll have to take them off, I think,” she said with a smile.

“Definitely wouldn’t want wet clothes,” he said with a smirk, pulling his shirt over his head at record pace, and removing the rest of his clothes just as quickly.

Marlena sighed in contentment when the heat of his body slid along her skin, as John stepped into the shower. She turned to face him, running her hands up over his chest, and around his neck languidly, saying, “I was thinking about that shower fantasy you had…”

“So was I.”

“What made that particular one so good for you? Was it because it was in the shower or because it was taboo?” she asked him, licking across his neck.

“Both,” he said, pulling her mouth to his, and biting at her lower lip. “I can’t lie to you, Doc. You already know the truth. The thought of you leaving Roman at home, and coming to me, letting me have my way with you in my shower…baby, that had me all kinds of hot.”

“I’ll bet it did,” she mumbled across his lips, licking at the seam. It had her all kinds of hot, too, although she wasn’t going to voice that right now. 

“I love you, lady,” John said, wrapping his arm around her waist, and pushing her back against the shower wall. “Honestly, I meant what I said that night I drove you home after the charity event. It didn’t matter how you came to me, or when you came to me. I would have taken you on any terms you offered. I know you said you never would…and you never did, but I didn’t care. If you had shown up at my door in the dead of night, months later, I would have had you, if you were willing.”

“John,” Marlena gasped softly, when his head dipped to her neck again, sucking and licking a path to her ear. “I didn’t come to you…but, oh, I wanted too. I dreamt about being with you, almost every night.”

John’s mouth kissed a blazing path over her shoulder, his lips pulling at the skin of her breasts, before sucking her erect nipple into his mouth. Marlena cried out in ecstasy, threading her fingers into his hair, and raking her fingernails over his scalp. “Did you dream about me when you were in bed with Roman?” he asked her.

“Yes,” she whispered back, staring into his eyes. “I was dreaming that I was kissing Roman, and I looked down…but when I looked back up, it was you. I was surprised, but then you kissed me, and you kept kissing me, until I woke up.”

“Did you wake up wanting me?” he asked her, his forehead on her, and his eyes watching for her response, while pulling at her nipple with his fingers.

“John! I always wanted you…no matter what I always loved you,” she gasped, pulling his mouth to hers in desperation. “I always wanted you.”

His hands trailed over her back, following the curve of her spine to settle on her hips, roughly pulling her forward, and saying, “If you hadn’t divorced…we would have done it again. We would have had another affair. You know that, Doc. It was inevitable.”

She looked into his deep blue eyes for several seconds before she said, “I know.”

Releasing her quickly, and pushing her body back against the shower wall, John slid down onto his knees, while watching her face. Slowly sliding his hand up her leg, he hooked it behind her knee, and settled her leg over his shoulder, while his other hand splayed over her ribcage just underneath her breasts. Marlena’s breathing was erratic as she watched him for a moment. John winked at her, before he dipped his head down, and ran his tongue along the length of her pussy, causing Marlena to roll her head back, and moan loudly. 

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long, Doc. Just bury my face in you, and lick you to completion,” he said right before his lips pulled her clit into his mouth, and he began to suckle her.

“JOHN!” Marlena’s scream echoed in the confines of the steamy bathroom, reverberating off of the walls. His mouth sucked at her over and over again, as pleasure rose up inside her. “More. More. Oh, G-d! More.” Her orgasm was upon her in minutes, rolling over her in waves.

John stood up, hanging her leg over his arm, and grabbing her hips pulling her forward, “Doc, are you ready? I can’t wait.”

“Do it. Do it…please…do it,” she begged, half delirious from her climax.

Sliding his length into her hot, moist, center, was his undoing. “Fuck! Doc, I love you so much,” he said biting her jaw, and kissing her lips as if he might devour her.

“Please, baby…please, start moving,” she gasped against his lips. Her hips bucked, making John groan into her mouth.

“Can you come again?” he asked her, sliding in, and out of her at an excruciatingly slow pace.

“Yes…oh! Yes,” she whispered, when she felt the tantalizing glide of his cock. The pressure of him holding her against the shower wall, while his hips pumped, and rolled over her was sheer bliss.

Threading the fingers of his other hand through her hair, his mouth hovering over hers, John said roughly, “Touch yourself baby. Rub your pussy for me.” Her hand made its way between their bodies, softly sliding over her swollen, and throbbing clit, causing John’s hips to move faster, while he said, “Yeah, Doc. Just like that. Just like that.”

“I need more…harder…John…”

He leaned down, looping his arm under her other leg, and lifting her body to slide up the wall. With his full weight against her, and holding her in place, John’s mouth took over hers, while his hips moved frenetically, pumping within her. “I swear to G-d, Doc, I need you so much. I love you so fucking much,” he said, burying his face in her neck, and sucking on her skin.

“John, John, John…” she said with a whimper, gasping to catch her breath. “More. More.” Her pussy started to squeeze and pulse over his dick when her orgasm hit her.

“Fuck! Doc!” John said, holding her body tightly to him as he released himself inside her. His eyes saw stars, and everything went black for a moment, his release was so violent. Breathing heavily, John held her there with him for a long moment, before slowly lowering her back onto her feet.

“We should live out all your fantasies,” she said softly, “because they are much better in real life.”

Chapter 15

“Are you ready?” she asked him carefully, as they sat in front of the fireplace later that night. The flames gave off a warm glow as the fire crackled beside them. 

“Am I ever going to be ready for this, Doc? I mean ten years ago, when I met you, I had no idea who I was. Then I was Roman Brady. Being a Brady meant I had parents, siblings, children…and you. Seven years later, I was no one, all over again. Now…well, now I’m John Black. At least I’m someone,” he said quietly. “I’ve got Brady, Belle, and…I have you back in my life. I don’t know, Doc…”

“Hey, listen to me, John,” she said turning his face to hers. “I thought about it earlier. You and I, we started on this journey together, and we’re going to finish it together. I promise. I’m here for this. All of it. With you.” She looks at him, and then the leather-bound journal in her hands, and says, “So how do you want to do this?”

John took a deep breath to release the growing tightness in his chest, “Can you read it out loud, for a little bit? Your voice calms me, and I don’t think I can read it right now.”

“I can,” she said softly, smiling at him in a reassuring manner. Turning to the first page Marlena began to read. “April 12, 1952…I hired Shawn Brady today—”

“—Holy shit, Doc…” John whispered. “Holy shit.” John had no idea where this was going but he knew for a fact it was going to be a wild ride. 

“John?” Marlena said, touching his arm.

“I’m okay, Doc,” John said, but his heart was racing. “I have a feeling we’re about to find out why Stefano DiMera hates the Brady’s, and that scares the hell out me.”

“Me too, but John, we’re in this together,” she said.

“Together,” he said, kissing her softly.

“Okay, so…April 12, 1952…I hired Shawn Brady today. I hired him away from the O’Leary family. They were just wasting his talents, and I need a new guard for Luna. She keeps sneaking away from the others. Now that Father is dead, I’m running the whole organization by myself. I certainly don’t have time to watch an argumentative, seventeen year old girl. Shawn is reliable, good with a gun, and able to ensure her safety whenever she insists on going out,” Marlena read, looking up at John when she finished.

“Shawn worked for Stefano? Doc, in all of the time I have known the man, he never referenced ever knowing him. Stefano has been after the Brady’s as long as I’ve known them. Why would Pop never mention this? Shawn was in Ireland in 1952, but I remember him saying…he came to America in August of ’52,” John said.

Marlena watched as the light from the fireplace flickered across John’s features. She asked him, “Do you want me to skip ahead…to August 1952? To see if Stefano mentions anything about Shawn leaving?”

“Maybe…yes. We can go back later, but I need to know…maybe it’s another Shawn Brady. Not the same one?”

“I think we need to remember Gabe’s message John.”

“Okay. Yeah, skip ahead to August,” he said.

“Sure. Sure,” she said flipping pages. “August 4, 1952…Luna is pregnant. Her maid informed me this morning that she has not bled since May. I confronted my sister, and she refused to tell who the father is, but I know. Shawn Brady. The man I hired to guard her. The man I trusted with her safety. I told her as much, and although she denied it, I saw the fear in her eyes. Shawn Brady is the father of the child she will bear, but Shawn Brady will not be here to learn of it. The man is gone. Not just from my employ, but from the whole G-dforsaken island of Ireland…”

“Doc, oh G-d, Doc…I think I know where this is going,” John whispered, dread curling in his belly as the growing truth began his mind. 

“Do you want me to go ahead again? A few months…to the end of her pregnancy? We can go back, and get all of the details later,” she asked said.

“Yes, skip to February of 1953,” John said, figuring about nine months from June would be about right.

“February,” Marlena said scanning the pages quickly, and then gasped out softly, “Okay, um…okay…February 23, 1953…the baby was born today. A boy. Luna was alive long enough to hold him, and name him John. My sister is dead, and I am stuck with a daily reminder of her short life, in the form of an unwanted infant. Shawn Brady will suffer for the rest of his life, just as I must now suffer through mine. I will enact every form of vengeance against him that I can devise…March 3, 1953…I have sold the baby. Let someone else raise the child. He looks like my sister, and I cannot stand to see his face every day. I will let the Alamain’s raise the child until I see fit to take him back…”

“No. No, Doc…” John said with tears rolling down his face. “Doc, this can’t be right.”

“John, honey, I think it is,” she said, moving closer to him. “I think we have to take what’s written here for the truth. Gabe said—”

“I know what Gabe said!” John shouted, standing up to comb his fingers through his hair in frustration, “…but if this is true. Fuck! If this is true, then Stefano is my uncle, and Shawn is my father. Roman, Kimberly, and Kayla are my siblings. There are so many levels of hate in what Stefano DiMera has done to them because of me.”

Marlena gets to her feet, walking closer to John. She places her palm on his chest, and makes sure he’s looking at her when she says, “This isn’t your fault. It’s about a man who has so much anger, and hate inside him, that he’s had a vendetta against Shawn Brady for 42 years. John, that’s not your fault! Would you ever blame a child for the mistakes of its parents?”

“No,” he said softly, gazing down at her, and remembering exactly why he loved her as much as he did.

“You were an innocent child, John. A baby. You are not at fault here,” she told him, softly running her palm over his face. 

“I can’t take any more of this tonight, Doc. How far does that thing go, what’s the last date in the book?”

Marlena picks up the journal, flipping to the back and says, “1975. March 16, 1975.”

“What does it say?” he whispered.

“Today John was finally found, at a monastery in New York. They couldn’t hide him forever…”

Chapter 16

“Mama! No! I don’t want to stay here. The nuns are scary! Why don’t you want me? I’m sorry! I’m sorry,” the child screamed, his small voice echoing off of the brick walls and high ceiling.

“Forrest…I mean John. Honey, a bad man is after you. He wants to take you away from me,” his mother cried. “If you don stay here-if I don’t hide you…he’s going to get you. I’ll visit. I promise you, I’ll visit you as often as I can.”

“I’m scared, Mama. I’m scared…” he cried, clutching at her fur coat in desperation as one of the nuns began to pull him away from her. “Mama!”

“I’m sorry, baby. I love you so much, and I’m sorry…” she said, standing alone in the cavernous hallway watching her screaming child being taken away. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

John awoke with a start, jerking from his sleep with a jolt, and staring at the ceiling while he tried to catch his breath. It took him several moments to process where he was, and who he was with.

Marlena’s soft palm smoothed over John’s chest, and she whispered in reassuring tones, “John? Hey, come on…John…”

“I hear you, Doc. Your voice is the most beautiful sound in the world to me,” he said, rolling over to face her in the dark.

“Was it a nightmare?”

“Kind of…it was dream, but it was also a memory. A memory of when I was Forrest Alamian,” John whispered. He took her hands in his, pulling them up to his mouth, and kissing her knuckles. 

“The journal could likely trigger memories that weren’t present before. Do you want to talk about it?” she asked him.

“It’s not much. My mother, well the woman I thought was my mother, Philomena Alamain, she was leaving me at a Catholic boarding school. I begged her not to,” he said. “I asked her why she didn’t love me. I thought I had done something to make her leave me there.”

“Oh, John,” Marlena whispered, as her heart felt pain for the child he had been. He had lost the only family he had ever know at the age of six, and now he was having memories of that loss. “No child should ever have to feel that kind of loss,” she told him. Her fingers made their way softly around his jaw, touching his ear, and trailing down his neck. 

“She told me that a bad man wanted to take me away,” John mumbled, deep in thought. He looked to Marlena suddenly, saying, “Sending me away, when she faked my death as a child…she was hiding me from Stefano, Doc. It all makes sense, even the name change. In my dream…she called me Forrest, but then she corrected herself, and called me John.”

“Why would she go back to calling you your birth name?” Marlena wondered.

“Maybe she thought Stefano would assume she wouldn’t use that name. It might make it harder to find me, using a name that would be so obvious, he would dismiss it out of hand. Or, maybe Stefano never told her, and she just used the name of John, because it’s so common?” He said, thinking out loud.

“We can look at the journal again today, in more detail,” she said, casually running her fingers through the hair on his chest.

“Doc, I swear to G-d, I don’t know what I would do without you,” John said, using his fingers to softly tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “For the last ten years you have been my rock when it comes to learning about my past. I was so lost, and broken when I met you.”

“Kintsugi…” she mumbled.

“What?” he asked her, since he had missed what she said.

“I know this really smart, sexy man, who told me about kintsugi pottery…when I was so low I thought I might never be whole again. It applies here I believe,” she whispered, laying her face on his chest, and gently smoothing her palm over his skin. “John, we’re all broken in some shape or form, and we all struggle to put ourselves back together after trauma. You helped me heal after the possession. You’re still helping me heal. I’m going to help you now.”

“Will you marry me, Doc?”

“I already told you I would,” she said smiling against his skin.

“I want to make it official, though. I’ve got a ring…in my bag,” he said sheepishly.

Marlena propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at him with happy tears in her eyes, “You do?”

“That, I do. Let me get it,” he said shuffling out of bed quickly, and ruffling through his things to grab the small box at the bottom of the bag. Pulling it out with a huge grin on his face, John came back to the bed, climbing in beside her with his back propped against the headboard. “Come here baby,” he told her.

Marlena came up beside him, watching as he pulled the ring out of the box, holding it in front of her. John said with reverence, “You are my life. You’ve been my life since the day I first laid my eyes on you, in the hospital. I was wrapped in bandages, and scared out of my fucking mind, but you grounded me. Your honesty, and your kindness made me want to bask in you…and as much as we argued, Doc, I wanted more. You brought a heat, and a fire to my life that could never be replaced. You told me once that you wanted me in your life, you needed me in your life…well, baby, I’m asking you to be with me. Be my best friend, my confidant, my lover…because you, Marlena Evans, are my heart, and my soul.”

Marlena was crying softly, when she nodded her head, and gave her hand to John. He slid the ring on her finger, rubbing his thumb over the gem on her hand. She looked up at him, the tears coming faster, as she said, “You remembered?”

“I remember every thing you tell me, Doc. I may not remember the rest of my life, but honestly my life started with you,” he said. “I believe I walked in on a conversation between you and Maggie on our wedding day. A conversation in which you told Maggie that the most romantic gem in the world had to be the garnet.”

“…because it represented love and compassion, a true commitment of the heart,” she whispered, looking down at the ring on her finger. It was simple in design, a single garnet with diamonds on either side. John knew her so well. He had the money to get her anything, but he knew her heart. 

“I was going to get you one, for Valentine’s Day the following year, but then…”

“I’m sorry. Sorry that I was taken away. Sorry that you, and the children suffered through that.”

“Doc, when you came home, it was like a piece of me was put back into place. A piece that had been missing for years.”

“Did it? I always wondered…”

“Wondered?” he asked her.

“If you were happy…I mean happy that I was back. You said you were, but I never really felt like you were. At least not then, anyway…” she paused for a moment, and said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. This isn’t the kind of conversation to have right now…”

“No. No…it is the right kind of conversation to have right now. It is,” he said, grasping her face between his palms as he spoke to her. “I fucked up, Doc. I had you back, and I was so scared of loosing you again, so damn scared that you would be gone…I should have told you that. I should have told you that I was petrified to love you again. I shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have pushed you away, baby.”

“It hurt. G-d, it hurt so much,” she whispered. “All I wanted the whole time I was gone, all I dreamed of when I was laying in that bed for five years, was you…and it felt like you didn’t want me…and-and, I understood that you had moved on. Rationally I knew that you might have, it was natural…but it still broke my heart.”

“When we were in San Cristobal, Doc, my decision was made, and it was you,” he said.

“Then Roman found us…” she whispered.

“And Isabella was pregnant…” he said softly.

“We had an affair,” she said, “because I couldn’t let you go. You told me in the pit how much it hurt to watch me walk away with Roman in Mexico, but watching you walk away with Isabella, that was a hurt like no other.”

“Yesterday, when I said we would have had another affair, if you and Roman hadn’t divorced. You know that was true, Doc, because my heart couldn’t give you up. Every time you entered a room I was in, very time I heard your voice, or smelled your perfume…my heart would stutter, and skip a beat. Every single time, Doc.”

“I know. I used to feel so guilty. I’d be in a room, and Roman would have his arm around me, but I’d watch your every move,” she said. “You are the other half of me. I love you.”

“I love you. I always have,” he told her, kissing her lips softly.

Her fingers trailed down his back, and over his ribs softly, causing his skin to pebble in response, and his body to shiver. “I want you so much,” she whispered so quietly it was barely audible. “Make love to me…”

Pushing his t-shirt up over her thighs, John whispered back, “My pleasure, baby…”

Chapter 17

Walking along the beach of Smith Island in the early morning light, was a balm to John’s overwrought mind. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, between bouts of lovemaking with Marlena, and the disturbing dreams he was having. He stopped walking, absorbing the smells coming off of the flowers nearby, and staring out at the water as it brushed up along the shoreline. Feeling a hand softly on his shoulder, John said without turning, “I was wondering when I might see you again.”

“This will be my last visit to you, John,” Gabe responded softly.

“I’m surprised you visited, Doc,” John said, finally turning to face his angel.

Gabe’s kind face, gazed on John for a moment, before he responded, “I will see her again.”

“You seem to show up, when I’m most conflicted…or to warn me. I’m hoping this isn’t a warning.”

“It’s not. Your mind is troubled, as I knew it would be,” Gabe said kindly.

“My mind is troubled all right. I haven’t even finished reading that journal, and I’m so confused. What do I do with this information? How do I go forward?”

“You speak with your father, John. He won’t lie to you, once he knows the truth.”

“The truth? This sounds so far fetched, even to me. You think he’s just going to embrace me? Accept what I’m telling him without question? That’s not how Shawn Brady works,” John said with a slight scoff.

“He’ll know the truth, as soon as you tell him, because you see, John, there’s something about you that has always felt familiar to Shawn Brady. He thinks it’s because you were Roman for seven years, and that he’s so used to being with you, that he’s never questioned it. It’s why he accepted you so readily when you returned to Salem with Marlena, thinking you were Roman. He looked into your eyes, and accepted you outright, with no questions at all. But, John, when you tell him…he will know. You look just like your mother. That’s why Stefano hates you, because you remind him of what he lost…but that’s also why Shawn loves you. He just hasn’t put the pieces together yet.”

“Are you sure Gabe?” John asked, and then he paused before saying, “Of course you’re sure, otherwise why would you be here?”

“You are the purest form of your mother’s light, John. She was kind, generous, and enjoyed her life, short though it was. Shawn loved her with everything he was,” Gabe told him.

“Then why did he leave so easily?”

“Hard questions often have hard answers.”

“Do you always need to speak in riddles, Gabe? Just answer the question!” John said in frustration, turning to face the angel who was already gone. John stood alone on a deserted beach, listening to the water lap along the shore.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena stood in the light of a full moon, on the precipice of a cliff, the ocean breeze bringing a redness to her cheeks, and her arms outstretched in joy. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” a voice behind her said. “I used to come here when I was child, and never wanted to leave.”

Marlena turned, gazing upon the face of a young girl. A girl with dark indigo eyes, and the blackest hair she had ever seen. A girl who looked like John. “Luna?” she asked her.

“Luna. I haven’t heard that in so long. My father was a hopeless romantic, and since I was his eighth child, and his only daughter, I was named after the moonlight,” she said staring off over the ocean.

“It’s a beautiful name,” Marlena whispered.

“I need you to tell Shawn something. A message from me, if you will,” Luna said softly, facing Marlena. Marlena nodded once, and Luna continued, “In my time with him, he gave me everything I needed. I was lost, a bird with clipped wings in a gilded cage. He gave me love. Unconditional love, without expectations, as pure a love, as there ever was. He needs to hear that.”

Marlena’s throat was tight with emotion, when she said, “I will. I promise.”

Luna turned to face the moonlight again, as it shone upon her face, “My son. My John. I named him John, for Shawn. Shawn used to always talk about his Daideó, as if the man walked on water.” Luna smiled softly as she remembered. “I named our baby for him.”

“Why have I seen you…and Gabe? I don’t understand.”

“You were touched by an angel. When Gabe came to John, and John begged for your life in the morgue, you were touched. Only special souls, the purest of souls, are touched,” Luna responded softly.

Marlena felt so at peace in this place, she looked at Luna and asked her quietly, “Where are we?”

“The Cliffs of Moher, in Galway. They are beautiful, aren’t they?”

“They are…” Marlena responded, and then, with sudden insight, Marlena’s hands drifted to her abdomen, with a look of awe on her face. She turned to Luna, and  she said, “I’m having another baby?”

Luna smiled softly, “A girl. A child born of a love so strong, it would not be denied…”

Marlena watched her in shock, processing what she knew innately in her soul, “You’re getting another chance.”

“Maybe this time my life will be beautiful. How could it not with parents to love me so much…” 

Marlena’s eyes opened slowly. She heard birdsong outside the window, and saw the sun streaming through the fabric of the curtains, as a soft breeze blew in. She ran her palm over the flatness of her abdomen, knowing that a child was already within her. Getting up slowly, she left the cabin to look for John. Instinctively she knew he was on the beach, and padded in that direction, clad only in John’s t-shirt.

She found him sitting on the shore, with his legs pulled up, and his arms wrapped around them. John thought she was a vision. The most beautiful person he had ever seen, standing over him in a t-shirt that made her more sexy, and desirable than any of the fancy clothes she wore. He reached out, cupping his palm around her calf, and pulling her closer, saying, “C’mere, Doc.”

Marlena moved to straddle his lap, nuzzling his neck, with the tip of her nose. “I missed you when I woke up,” she whispered, linking her hands behind John’s neck.

“I didn’t want to wake you up,” he whispered back to her, touching his forehead to hers, and running his hands over her thighs. “I came out here for a walk, a chance to think…Gabe showed up.”

“Did he?” she asked.

“Mmmm,” John replied, using his mouth to nibble on her lips. “But I don’t want to talk about that right now.” His hands moved under the t-shirt, running over the soft flesh of her back, before wrapping around her ribs. Marlena moaned softly, the feeling of his hands holding her while his thumbs slid under her full breasts. John cupped her breasts, while softly kissing her neck.

“Do you want to talk at all?” she asked him.

“No,” he replied, pulling the shirt up, and leaning forward to suckle at her breasts. Pulling off with a wet pop, John looked at her, and said, “Unless you’ve got something to say?”

“I want you.”

“Fuck yes,” John said, lifting her body slightly, to push his sweatpants down below his cock. Looking up at her, his eyes dark with arousal, “C’mere, baby.”

Marlena slid herself down slowly, her body wet, and ready from their previous couplings. Her body engulfed his rigid length, and they both moaned out loudly. Marlena’s fingernails raked across his shoulders, and John bit her jaw, causing Marlena to tip her head back, and cry out, “Oh, G-d! John…”

Lying back on the sand, his hands on her hips, John began moving her slowly. “Take it off,” she panted, pulling at the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing, desperate to feel the heat of his body, and the brush of his skin along hers. As soon as her breasts came in contact with his chest, she whispered, “Tighter. Hold me tighter.” 

John rocked his hips faster, his thrusts coming deeper, and harder, while her high pitched gasps said his name over, and over. “I love you, Doc. I love you so much,” he said, as he lost himself in the warm, slippery, glide of her body.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Shawn Brady woke from his sleep abruptly, disoriented, and covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Caroline, who had been reading beside him, stared at him strangely, asking, “Shawn, are you okay?”

He was confused. He’d been dreaming, but he couldn’t remember what he had dreamt about, but he had a sudden, pressing need to talk about something he had never told anyone before. Shawn stared at Caroline for a long time before he said, “I’ve got to tell ye something, Caroline. Something I’ve never shared with another soul…”

Chapter 18

July 18, 1959…the child is missing. The family claims he died in a swimming pool accident, and his funeral has already taken place. Idiots. I saw Philomena’s face two weeks ago, when I said I wanted the child back. She’d hidden him somewhere, but I won’t stop searching. He is mine. John, the child who looks so much like my dear Luna it pains me to even see his face, is not dead. I will search for the rest of my life if I have to, but he belongs to me…

Marlena walked out on the porch of the cabin two days later to find John immersed in the diary again. They had already read it cover to cover twice, and she couldn’t imagine that he’d find anything new in there. It pretty much outlined Stefano’s obsession with ruining Shawn Brady’s life, and how he planned to use John to do it. John had told her about his encounter with Gabe on the beach, but she hadn’t mentioned her dream, or what Luna had told her.

It sounded far fetched, but then, as Marlena thought about the last year of her life, what was actually believable about any of it? She ran her fingers through his hair as she stood beside him, and said softly, “I needed to tell you something.”

Placing the journal down on the porch beside him, John reached for her hand, pulling her into his lap, “You’ve been distracted since yesterday. I have noticed that, but I didn’t want to push.”

“I had a dream…okay, this might sound weird, but…a vision? A premonition. It’s just…hard for me, since I’ve always been so logical,” she said.

“Baby, this past year has been anything but logical,” he said. “Just start talking, and I’ll listen.”

“I was on a cliff in Galway,” she began.

“Have you ever been to Ireland?”

“Well, no, John, but…oh! Just let me talk,” she said, laughing in frustration, as John smirked at her, his eyes teasing. “Okay, I was standing on a cliff, with my arms outstretched. It was evening, but the moon was full. The ocean air was blowing across my face, and someone was with me.”

“Who?”

“Your mother,” Marlena said softly. “She was young, probably the same age she was when she gave birth to you.”

“Seventeen..”

“She wanted me to tell Shawn that he gave her everything she needed. That he loved her unconditionally,” Marlena told him. “But then I was overcome with this feeling, this sense of knowing…I’m having another baby, John.”

“A baby?” he said looking at her in awe.

“I can’t know for sure, but I felt it. I knew it. It’s your mothers spirit reborn…and I know that sounds ridiculous…I know it does…”

“Doc, Doc…I’m not questioning it,” he said, touching her face gently.  “I’m not questioning it.”

“Luna said to me, ‘Maybe this time my life will be beautiful. How could it not with parents to love me so much…’. I can’t say for sure that I am…it’s only been three days, but John, I have this peace in me. This knowing, and I love her so much.”

“It’s a girl?”

“Yes, and she’s going to look just like you,” she whispered against his lips, before kissing him softly. She looked down at the journal, and asked John, “Why were you reading it again?”

“Yeah…you know, Philomena Alamain faked my death, had a funeral, and hid me in New York, just to keep me away from Stefano DiMera. She may not have been my mother, Doc…but she loved me as if she were. I don’t remember any of it, except for what I dreamed the other night,” John said. “Stefano spent the next sixteen years searching for me, only to destroy who I was, and turn me into a mechanism for destroying my father.”

“He didn’t succeed. He caused a lot of damage, he hurt a lot of people, but John,” she said touching him, and turning his face to hers, “you are not destroyed, and neither is Shawn.”

“We need to talk to him, and I have no idea how to go about it,” John said.

“Why don’t we tell him at the pub, after it closes for the night. That pub is special to both of you, you know…” Marlena said smiling.

“He only allowed me to pay for it after you begged him. He had already refused…loudly, if I remember correctly,” John said, remembering a blustering Shawn yelling, and hollering about not taking charity. “I don’t know what you said to convince otherwise, I never asked, and he never said.”

“I told him, he wasn’t going to tell you no,” she whispered. “It would hurt you too much, if he turned you down. I said, you loved him, and you were excited to do that for him.”

“You’re right. That pub is special,” John said quietly. “You gonna change before we go, Lady?” he asked her looking over her long legs, and the t-shirt she was wearing.

“I’m going to shower before we go,” Marlena said standing up, and pulling the t-shirt over her head. She turned away from him, walking towards the shower, tossing a smirk over her shoulder, and saying, “You can join me if you want.”

Leaning back on his hands, and watching her naked body sway towards the shower, he felt his cock stirring in his sweatpants. When Marlena was possessed the demon did everything it could to seduce John. Here on Smith Island was where he had almost given in. He would have given in…if Kristen hadn’t interrupted them. John remembered how hot is was, his body covered in sweat after chopping firewood, and upon hearing water, realizing that she was in the shower, she was naked, less than ten feet away from him. He’d wanted to open that shower door, and fuck her against the wall, but he’d held himself back because of a sense of propriety. That was no longer an issue.

Stripping himself of his clothes, John entered the shower, closing the door behind him, and slid his body up along Marlena’s back. His already erect cock slipping into the crease of her ass, and his hands cupping her breasts roughly. “When we were here the last time, Doc…I wanted to fuck you in this shower so badly,” he rasped in her ear.

“I remember. I was praying we wouldn’t, and wishing we would at the same time,” she whispered.

“That must have been so confusing.”

“It was, sometimes it still is…but right now, I’m really hoping you’re planning to take me in this shower.”

“Fuck yes, baby,” he told her with a growl, while he pulled, and twisted at her nipples. His mouth started biting, and sucking on her neck, as he whispered all the dirty things he planned to do to her. When Marlena felt his arm reach around her, and his hand glide down towards her pussy, she also felt her arousal drip from her body, and when the pad of his finger gently brushed over her clit, she cried out in passion. “You like that, don’t you Doc?” John asked her.

“Oh, G-d, yes!” she said, as her body jerked from the sensation rolling through her.

“Hold on to the wall, baby,” John rasped in her ear roughly. His fingers dipped into her pussy, coming out slippery and wet. Using her own arousal to flick over her clit a few more times, he whispered, “I’m going to fuck you now, Doc.”

“Oh, G-d! Please, John.”

“Say it, Doc. Say you want me to fuck you,” he said, pushing his hard cock into the crease of her bottom, and flicking her clit again.

“John, John…”

“Now, Doc.”

“Oh, G-d, fuck me, John! Please, fuck me,” she moaned, her head falling back to rest on his shoulder.

Reaching forward, and placing one of his hands beside hers on the shower wall, John slowly slid his cock into her hot, moist, center, and moaned in her ear, before biting it. “I love you so much, Doc,” he said, looping his other arm under her leg, and lifting it up, so he could thrust harder, and deeper. “Kiss me. Kiss my mouth,” he told her.

Marlena remembered another time, years ago, when she had demanded that John kiss her mouth, so she tipped her head up to his descending one, and lapped her tongue over the seam of his lips, before opening her lips wider, and sucking on his tongue. She felt the build up in her body and knew she was close to coming, when she began to pant, and said, “I’m close, John, so close.”

“Hold on, Doc,” he said before removing his hand from the wall, and sliding his fingers down to her swollen pussy. “I want you to scream,” he whispered in her ear, when his fingers began to pinch, and pull at her clit. Marlena’s shout, as she she came on his dick, pushed John over the edge.

Chapter 19

Caroline flipped the sign on the Brady Pub business entrance to say ‘closed’, and turned around to see Shawn standing there, dish towel in hand, staring off into space, when he should have been wiping down the bar. He’d been acting odd since he’d woken up the other morning, deciding to finally tell her why he’d left Ireland all those years ago. Some of it was surprising, shocking even, but some of it Caroline had already suspected. You can’t be married to a man for 42 years, and not hear the things he mumbles in sleep. The name Luna was not new to Caroline, but who she was, and what she had meant to Shawn…well that was. 

She was still processing what Luna DiMera, and Shawn’s early love for her had done to their family. Stefano’s grudge against the Brady’s had always been a mystery to Caroline. She’d thought maybe it started with Roman, and the ISA, since Stefano’s early plots have involved Roman. Now, she was thinking that Shawn’s love for Luna, and Stefano running him out of Ireland, was more likely the beginning. She turned from Shawn when she heard a gentle knock on the door, and saw Marlena standing there with John behind her.

“Marlena, John,” Caroline said. “How was the trip? I bet a few days away was just what you needed.” She was always happy to see them together. Their affair had almost torn the family apart, but their love should have never been denied to begin with. When they had returned from Mexico, Caroline had voiced her doubts to Shawn. They had both acknowledged that Marlena and John had a connection that they were forcing themselves to ignore. She knew then, as she knew now, that keeping their souls apart would do more damage, and no good would have come from it. When Roman finally came home, if he came home, watching them together would hurt, but ultimately there was no other option. 

“It was good,” Marlena said shyly, and then, holding her hand out to Caroline she said, “We’re engaged.”

“It’s about time you two be gettin’ married,” Shawn said coming around the bar, and grabbing John up in a hug. “Me and Caroline been saying for awhile that you two coming back together, well that was inevitable.”

John laughed, looking at Marlena, and said, “I think I’ve said the same thing to Doc a couple times.”

“Maybe,” she said smiling back at him. 

“Let me see,” Caroline said, reaching for Marlena’s hand. “The ring is beautiful John. Just beautiful.”

“Would you like some coffee or tea, maybe?” Shawn asked them.

“Some tea would be nice Shawn. Do you have any of that Earl Grey I like? The decaffeinated one?” Marlena said. 

“That I do, lassie, let me go, and get you some,” Shawn said before disappearing into the back.

“You’re here kind of late. I thought you might pick up the children in the morning. Sami might have already gotten them in bed,” Caroline told them, walking towards one of the booths to take a seat.

“No, Caroline, where actually here to talk to you and Shawn about something,” John said sliding into the other side of the booth, with Marlena sitting beside him.

“We were given a journal belonging to Stefano. Kristen came by the loft, and dropped it off before she, and her father left for Finland,” Marlena said. “Stefano had a stroke, and there’s not much hope for his recovery, but she’s going to take him to some specialists there. She feels like she can’t just give up on him, she has to try.”

Caroline was quiet for a moment, before she said, “I don’t like to speak ill of people, Marlena, but Stefano having a stroke was probably for the best. He’s put my family through so much unnecessary pain. At least now he can’t do anymore damage.”

“We need to talk to Shawn about some of it though…we’ve got…questions,” John said slowly, watching Caroline’s face change, as if she were worried. She knew something, something that was making her distinctly uncomfortable. “Ma? Do you know anything about his time in Ireland? He never spoke of it very much to me.”

Caroline was silent for a long time, before she said, quietly, “Well, John…he doesn’t like to talk about his life in Ireland. It causes him a lot of pain, you know—”

“—But why? We’re not trying to hurt anyone here, Ma. Me and Doc, we just, well, we just need to know some things,” John said softly, taking her hand in his. “Please? I need some answers and I think Shawn might have them.” Just as John finished speaking the door to the kitchen opened and a smiling Shawn Brady came in with a tray of tea.

“I got yer tea,” Shawn, realizing that the atmosphere had changed completely in his absence. It was obvious by the looks on their faces that the conversation had turned serious. Placing four mugs of tea, and a sugar pot on the table, he asked, “Did I miss something?”

“Kristen gave me a journal belonging to Stefano before she left for Finland,” John began, as he took a steaming mug of tea, and placed one teaspoon of sugar in it. Stirring the tea, he passed it to Marlena, while saying, “She knew that I was still trying to get details about my past, and she thought it might help me…well, I’m assuming she read through it, and she knew it would help me. It didn’t tell me everything. It didn’t give me back my memory, but it gave me bits and pieces of my past. Where I was born, who my parents were, and why Stefano hated me so much that he would attempt to use me to destroy your family.”

Shawn looked distinctly nervous before he said, “Well, Johnny boy, I don’t know what you be thinking it has to do with me.”

“Pop, your name is on the first page,” John said with emphasis, staring at the man in front of him. The man who didn’t know yet, that he was John’s father. “It literally says, ‘April 12, 1952…today I hired Shawn Brady’,” John said, almost a whisper.

Shawn slid into the booth beside Caroline, in an almost defeated type of manner, saying, “Well see Shawn Brady’s a mighty common name in Ireland—”

“Can we stop this? It’s you, Pop. We already know that. Doc, and I have read that dame journal more than three times through. It covers from 1952 to 1975. He’s talking about you. He’s plotting to destroy you, Shawn.”

Shawn sat there, staring into John eyes, again struck by how familiar they were to him, and how much he trusted the man. Deciding to be honest, to tell the truth and let it play out, he says, “Okay, okay, John. What do you want to know?”

“Stefano says he ran you out of Ireland around August 2, 1952, which lines up with the time you always said you came to the states, but he doesn’t say what he did to make you leave,” John said. “Why did you leave your family, your whole life and come here basically penniless?”

Shawn looked at Caroline, she nodded her head, and he turned back to John, “He hired me to watch his sister, Luna. She was wild, a bit reckless, a free spirit, you might say. Stefano couldn’t control her. He was busy trying to run his father’s organization, and Luna, well Luna, was young. She felt confined, and she kept getting away from the guards he hired to watch her. I was only with her for four months, but I fell in love with her, and well, that didn’t sit well with the high and mighty Stefano DiMera. I was good enough to guard Luna, not good enough to love her.” He looked down at his hand, holding tightly to his wife, and said, “He threatened me, my ma, my whole family, my sister…and she was a nun, fer crying out loud! He threatened to kill my Daideó…me own grandad. So I left, I left them all…I left Luna. I broke her heart, I know I did, and I’ve no idea what ever happened to her.”

John watched as his father sat across from him, tears falling from his eyes, while Caroline  smoothed her hand over his, and said to Marlena and John, “I just found this out myself. Shawn never told me in the 42 years we’ve been together. A couple days ago, he just woke up and said he had to tell me something.”

“I woke up, and I had this compulsion to tell you. I can’t explain it,” Shawn said.

Marlena looked at Shawn with love and told him, “Shawn, over the last year, there’s been a lot we can’t explain. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“It’s still very raw. I always thought Stefano’s vendetta again the Brady’s had something to do with Roman and the ISA…now I’m not so sure,” Caroline said softly. “I’m just not sure.”

“Luna was the only daughter of Santo DiMera, his eighth child. When Santo died, Stefano inherited the organization,” Shawn said, sipping his tea. “I was working for the O’Leary’s at the time; small time rackets, and hustles. Stefano offered me good money, because I was reliable. Luna would be safe with me. Falling in love with her, well, that wasn’t part of the plan. We was young, you know. I was barely twenty two, and Luna nearing on eighteen,” Shawn said softly. “She had these dark blue eyes, and the blackest hair I ever saw.” Shawn paused for a moment, looking at John quizzically.

John sat there quietly while Shawn studied his features, and then he said softly, staring at his father, “Luna was my mother. She died giving birth to me. Stefano got rid of me as fast as he could, because apparently I looked just like her. All I reminded him of was pain…and rage. I was born February 23, 1953. Right before my mother died, she named me John, after the Daideó of my father,” John said, watching Shawn’s face.

Shawn looked at him blankly for a moment, before he said softly, “Yer me boy.”

“I am.”

Chapter 20

All of John’s fears over whether Shawn would accept him, or question the truth of what they were telling him, went out the window, when John found himself engulfed in his father’s arms, it was like finally coming home. Wrapping his arms around the man he had considered his ‘father’ for the last ten years, John marveled over the fact that Shawn Brady was actually his father, which made Roman, Kimberly, Kayla and Bo his siblings. 

Shawn pulled back from their embrace, tears in his eyes, and he grabbed John’s face in his hands, saying, “Ever since the day I met ye, there was something. I couldn’t figure it out…”

“I never knew why you accepted me so easily,” John said. “I always wondered, because everyone so readily accepted me for Roman.”

“Yer eyes, John,” Shawn said. “I always felt something about your eyes.”

“You’re really my Pop,” John whispered. Then with a smirk, he said, “The family tree just got a lot more complicated.”

Marlena watched the scene unfold, and said quietly, “Shawn, I have a message for you…from Luna.”

“From Luna? How?” he asked her.

“It’s complicated…the short version, according to her I’m ‘touched’,” Marlena said softly.

John slid back into the booth beside Marlena, taking her hand in his, and asking, “Doc? Why didn’t you tell me this part?’

“I was not sure, I think I needed to process the significance.”

Shawn sat back down, staring at Marlena’s face, and knew she was telling the truth. He said, “I woke up the other morning, and I knew…I knew, I had to tell Caroline the truth. It was a feeling that filled me up, until I had to come out with it. I never felt anything like it, so I’m not judging ye.”

Taking a deep breath, Marlena said, “I was standing on the cliffs of Moher, in Galway, under a full moon. I remember enjoying the feel of the cool air rushing off the sea, and I heard her voice, a voice I’ve never heard before, but still a voice I knew. When I turned around she stood there, as she would have been before she died. Young…beautiful. She had a message for you, Shawn.” Marlena watched him, her eyes full of kindness, and grabbing his hand in hers, she said, “You gave her everything she needed. You loved her unconditionally. She said she was a ‘bird with clipped wings in a gilded cage’, and you gave her the love she needed.”

Shawn gasped softly, remembering Luna saying the same thing to him, “She said that to me once…she told me she was a bird. A bird whose wings has been cut, and she was forced to live in a golden cage.”

“But, Doc, what about the other part, the part about you being ‘touched’, because Gabe told me it was his last visit to me, but that he would see you again,” John said.

“I asked her why Gabe had come to me in my dream…why I could see her. She said I was ‘touched’. When you offered yourself up to save me in the morgue, during your final battle with the demon…Gabe intervened. Only the souls that are pure are ever touched…” Marlena said quietly, trailing off at the end.

“I gave my soul to the demon. It came into my body, and I felt so helpless, so cold,” John whispered.

Marlena’s hand covered her mouth, as she gasped softly, “You did?”

“I did. I never wanted you to know…Gabe arrived. He ended it. He saved us both, but you, Doc…you…” His mind wandered back to the night more than three months ago.

John looked into the most beautiful face he had ever known. If he had to die, he would be grateful he died looking into Marlena’s face. The demon said to him, “You’re mine John.”

“What have you done to me?”

“You lost the battle, John. It’s over,” the demon told him, while holding his face in its hands. “The priest who dared to fight my will, is now in my control. Your soul in mine. John, it’s time for you to die. You’re going with me to hell,” it said, squeezing his neck with more and more force. “Don’t fight me. Don’t fight me! It’s over…it’s over, John. You’re mine.”

He felt his body being lowered to the ground, the grip of the demon around his neck, and with his last available breath, John cried out, “No! Help me, G-d! Please help me!” Suddenly he had strength, he had power, and he stood on his feet, pushing the hands of the demon away. Before him stood Marlena’s body, still possessed, but frozen in movement. “What does this mean? What’s happening? John asked.

“It means you acted in time, John,” said Gabriel from behind him. 

John turned in the dark room, calling out, “Who’s there?” while moving to protect Marlena’s body from whatever was there.

“You called, and the Lord heard you,” Gabriel said, moving into the light. 

“Gabe?”

“Yes, it’s me John. It’s time now,” he said, reaching for John’s shoulder.

“It’s time?”

“Yes, it’s time to do, what you were chosen to do. Cast him out, John. Cast out the devil,” Gabe said with force, releasing John’s shoulder, and stepping away from him.

John turned slowly, facing the woman he loved, and the demon inside her, as Gabe gazed on the scene. He whispered to the demon, “It’s over. All the misery. All the pain you inflicted on Marlena, on Father Francis, on me…on everyone in this town. It’s over!” Stepping closer to Marlena, John said, “In the name of Christ, I cast you out Demon! Be gone, back to hell where you belong!”

The voice of the demon rang from Marlena’s body, yelling “No!”, as she collapsed into Gabriel’s waiting arms.

John stood there, watching in shock, as he said helplessly, “That’s it? After all this time? The demon’s gone?”

“Yes,” Gabe told him. “The devil is gone, because you called on G-d’s name. You’ve triumphed.”

John was still almost speechless, barely processing what had just happened, “I’ve called on G-d before—”

“—but this time, you surrendered completely…to G-d’s power, and compassion…and he’s honored you with victory,” Gabriel said gently, still cradling Marlena’s limp form. 

John starts crying, blinking the tears from his eyes, as he approaches Gabe, saying, “What about Doc?”

Gabe touches her face softly, and then turns to John, saying, “Marlena has been though a terrible ordeal. You must do everything you can for her, John.”

Stepping even closer, and reaching for her, John says softly, “Oh, I will. I will.” Lifting her body close to him, he kissed her lips softly, whispering, again, “I will.” He ran his fingers over her face, looking at her lovingly, and saying to Gabe, “Is she gonna be okay?”

Gabe touches Marlena’s chest softly with his fingertips, causing her to gasp softly, as her body lifted from the table slightly. Gabe starts to disappear before his eyes, saying, “This is your work, not mine…”

When John finished explaining to them what had happened in the morgue, he looked at Marlena. His fingers ran along her face, touching her lips softly, saying, “The last thing Gabe did, before he left that room, was touch Doc on the chest. Her body arched up as she took a breath…and then he was gone.”

“And ye brought her to the church?”

“Yes, that when I came to the church with her, but right before Gabe disappeared he said, ‘This is your work, not mine’,” John said to Shawn.

Caroline was silent before she spoke, “What I think Gabriel meant, John, was that while he may have touched her, and brought her back…Marlena’s healing would be yours to help her through. I think you’ve done that. I think you’re both still healing from that.”

Chapter 21

Three weeks later, two letters arrived in the mail from Roman. One addressed to Marlena, and the other addressed to John. Marlena looked at them both in her hand, before placing John’s on the counter, and quietly walking to the couch with the one intended for her. Unsealing it, she sighed heavily, staring towards the window as the morning sunlight streamed through, only too aware that she probably wasn’t going to like the contents of this letter.

Thinking back to everything Roman had missed, hurt a lot. Sami and Carrie had been through so much without him. While Roman’s insistence on a divorce had hurt Marlena, she understood now that John had been right. They were inevitable. If Roman had not divorced her, and she had tried to make it work, she and John would have almost certainly had another affair, causing further damage to her family. They were healing now, slowly, but most assuredly healing.

Sami was nearing six months pregnant, and Lucas had taken the news rather well. Although they were both young, they were both committed to the road that lay before them. Sami was maintaining her grades, while dealing with some peer issues over being a pregnant senior in high school. Lucas was a freshman in college. Carrie had surprised the whole family by eloping with Austin. It wasn’t a typical Brady wedding, but the celebration that followed was definitely a Brady party. Roman was missing it all. Not just the good stuff, he had missed everything, and Marlena wasn’t sure his children would ever forgive him for not being available during some of the hardest parts of their lives.

Eric coming home last week had been the biggest shock of all. She’d called him to tell him that she was marrying John, and that John had found out about his past. Eric was elated at finding out that John was his uncle. That bond that he had with him, and his guilt over never being able to fully accept Roman, was what had kept Eric away for so long. She knew that now. She had told him she missed him, and she wanted him home, with little hope of him actually coming back to Salem. Two days later, her almost grown, baby boy, showed up at the loft while everyone was having breakfast. Sami cried, and Brady and Belle were introduced to their big brother. He had decided to stay at the pub with Shawn and Caroline, since the loft was already crowded with her, John, Sami, Brady, and Belle. They were bursting at the seams, but Marlena had decided that she couldn’t ever go back to the penthouse. Ever. 

She looked down at the paper in her hand, and began to read:

Marlena, 

I had an interesting conversation with Pop last night. I’ll be honest with you, I’d like Pop and John to get a DNA test, just to be sure. Lots of people have their feelings involved in this, and I know better than most most the kind of tricks Stefano can play. Ma and Pop seem to think there was some kind of divine intervention at play here, and I know they are staunchly Catholic, but this seems a bit far fetched to me. 

Ma was telling me that you were possessed, by a demon, and they had to do an exorcism. I mean, I know I’ve been out of touch for awhile, Doc, and I don’t want to say she’s lying, but maybe…well, maybe the truth just got skewed somewhere? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I just have a hard time believing that you were levitating, and had mysterious writing on your stomach.

I don’t call home in over a year, because I’m on an undercover case, and when I finally touch base, wow. Now I know that’s nobody’s fault but mine, but I had a whole awful lot of information dumped on me in one telephone conversation. I guess, I’ll be writing to Carrie tonight, to congratulate her on the wedding. 

And, I’m guessing Sami got pregnant when you were dealing with the demon stuff. I gotta say, I’m pretty disappointed with some of the stuff that’s happened in my absence. I was hoping that some time apart might be good for us, maybe you might realize how good we were together, but Pop says you’re going to marry John. I know you’re probably thinking that I divorced you. But honestly, Doc, that was a mistake. I knew it as soon as I signed the papers, but my pride got in the way, so I left. If I’d stayed, if we had tried to work on it…I don’t know, maybe it would have worked. Or maybe it would have just prolonged the inevitable. 

Ma seems to think that you two are doing some kind of emotional healing together. I got all confused when she started talking about pottery, and something Japanese, she said you told her about. If John’s helping you deal with whatever you went through, well, I guess that’s a good thing. I just can’t be there to watch it happen. I know I’m not the most supportive or empathetic person, so it’s probably best. I remember after we rescued you from the pit, I didn’t know how to deal with your emotions and the nightmares. I probably pushed you right towards John, now that I think about it. I sure pushed Carrie out of the house with my rules, since they “weren’t what she grew up with”. 

Maybe I deserve that. You marrying John. I left, all this crazy shit happened, and I sure as hell wasn’t there for you, or anyone else who might have needed me. He was, though, wasn’t he? Probably just waiting for me to leave, so he could roll right into the spot I pushed him out of…and I did, didn’t I? I came home and pushed John right out.

Ma and Pop want me to come home, but I figure I’m probably better off where I am for the time being. You can probably tell from this letter, I still got a lot of  pent up emotion. This letter feels like one big therapy session. You’re probably psychoanalyzing me right now, aren’t you, Doc? I just want you to know…I hope you’re happy. I hope all of you are happy.

Roman

Marlena finishes reading Roman’s letter unsure of whether she wants to rage at him, or cry. Tears fill her eyes, as she considers Roman’s refusal to accept responsibility for his lack of relationship with his children. He divorced her, he didn’t divorce Carrie, Eric, and Sami. Yet he acts like the fact that life continued without him is somehow her fault, or possibly John’s fault. Marlena starts to cry. Balling up the letter, she throws it across the room, just as the loft door opens, and she yells, “Fucking, insensitive pig!”

John stands there for a second, after a wad of paper hits him in the face, watching Marlena wrap her arms around herself, and cry. “Whoa, Doc…baby,” he whispered, sitting beside her on the couch, and pulling her into him. “What happened?”

“Fucking Roman happened,” she said, her eyes flashing with anger. John recognized the look in her eyes, this was angry crying, when her emotions were running so high that they took over. This wasn’t the type of crying she had done off, and on for the last three months.

“I know you’re upset,” he said pushing her hair away from her sweaty forehead. “Talk to me. Please, because you’re not normally a curser…that’s more my thing.”

“Roman wrote us letters. I read mine. It made me insanely angry. John, he doesn’t accept responsibility for not being here for the kids, and he insinuates that Sami got pregnant because I was dealing with ‘demon stuff’.”

“Doc…look at me,” he said, waiting until she tipped her head to look at him before he continued. “Nothing against Roman, but are you surprised? He’s not the most empathetic person.”

“He actually said that, you know. He shouldn’t have wrote a letter at all. He rambled for two pages, and never seemed to get anywhere, except to say he wants you and Shawn to do a DNA test.”

“I already did one. Weeks ago. Kayla ran it,” John told her, running his hands over her hair when she laid her head on his shoulder. 

“You never said,” Marlena said quietly.

“No reason too, really,” John told her. “We already knew the result.”

“He wrote you too. I left it on the counter.”

“I’ll read it later. Right now, I’ve got you to myself for a few hours, and an empty house,” he said biting her neck softly.

“Hmmm,” she said tipping her head to the side to give him better access. “Did you have any plans?”

“I do, and they involve you. In my bed. Naked.”

“I like those plans, Sailor.”

Chapter 22

“We gotta go, Doc,” John said, gently rousing Marlena from her late afternoon nap. “Sami’s water just broke.”

“What?” she mumbled, as her mind pulled itself through the sludge of sleep. She didn’t remember early pregnancy being so exhausting. It was never like this the other times, but she was getting older. Forcing herself to focus on what he just said, she asked him, “Sami’s what?” 

“Honey, her water just broke. I know it’s a couple weeks early, she slipped on the bottom step, and when she fell…”

“What! She fell? Oh, okay…um…the kids…” she said sitting up quickly, and attempting to smooth her hair.

“Caroline is already on her way, Doc. Don’t worry. Just get up, and get dressed. Sami is downstairs sitting on a trash bag on the couch. She’s fine,” John said reassuringly. 

“On trash bag on the couch?” Marlena said looking at him quizzically.

“What was I supposed to do with her?” he said with a smirk. “I didn’t want her sitting on the couch like that. I mean she changed her clothes and all, but still, just in case…she’s okay. She’d fine. Nothing much going on yet, it just happened ten minutes ago.”

Sami picked that moment, just as he had reassured Marlena that everything was fine, to scream at the top of her lungs from downstairs, “Daddy! Daddy! It hurts! Fuck! Oh, G-d, I’m sorry!! Fuck!”

John shot a look of helplessness at Marlena before he bolted from the room, and Marlena leaped from the bed, gathering clothes to put on, clothes that looked better than the t-shirt and sweatpants she was currently wearing, and got dressed hastily. Arriving downstairs, she found Sami apologizing to John for cursing, yet again, just as another contraction hit her, and she yelled, “Fuck!”

“Sami, honey, look at me,” Marlena told her calmly, leaning down to look at her face, while Sami looked away. “Look at me baby.” 

Looking at her mother with a mix of sheepishness, and absolute pain, Sami said, “Yeah?”

Marlena touched her daughters face gently, telling her, “You say what you need to say. No judgement from us okay? You need to curse? Don’t apologize.”

“Yes, yes, yes…okay,” Sami said with shallow pants, trying to remember the breathing exercises her mother had taught her. “Lucas. Lucas, we gotta—fuck!” she cried doubling over, and grabbing at her abdomen.

“Done already,” John told her gently. “He’s meeting us there.” The knock on the door, had all three of them turning their heads. “It’s Caroline. Doc, can you grab Sami’s hospital bag? Sami don’t forget that trash bag for the car,” he said as he opened the door.

“Really, John?” Marlena asked him.

“Yes, really. Sami…trash bag,” John said matter of factly, while Marlena just rolled her eyes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Six hours, and a lot of screaming later, Sami and Lucas welcomed their daughter into the world. Weighing six pounds and 12 ounces, she was wailing almost as soon as she took her first breath. As Marlena watched her daughter become a mother, she marveled at the strength of her child. Sami had made a lot of mistakes, and taken many detours in her short life, but Marlena felt that this time she was finding her way. Having a baby at seventeen was never in the plan, but she knew they could work with it. 

John entered the room quietly, glancing at Sami and Lucas as they stared at their baby in awe. Walking over to Marlena, he said softly, “Kate called. Her flight from Oslo was delayed due to weather. She might not make it tonight, but she’s going to get here as soon as she can.” Looking over at the young parents, he whispered, “How are they?”

“In shock, I think. They’ll be fine, but there’s going to be a definite adjustment period.”

“Have they mentioned a name for her?”

“They have one picked out, but they’re waiting for Shawn to arrive,” Marlena told him, watching how he kept looking over at Sami and her baby. “They want you, and Shawn here when they tell us her name. Go hold your granddaughter, John.”

John smirked slightly, smiling at Marlena, and walked over to Sami. When he reached her side, he stroked his finger over the baby’s cheek softly, saying, “You made one very beautiful baby, Samantha.”

Smiling up at the man she considered to be her father, Sami said, “I did, didn’t I?”

“Brat,” John said with a smile. “So your mother says we’re waiting on Pop—” John was cut off by the sound of the hospital room door opening, and Shawn Brady peeking his head in to ask if he could come in. 

Shawn walked to the side of the bed, looking over Lucas’s shoulder, saying, “The first great grandchild, and what a beauty she is! You got a name fer her yet?”

“Well…that’s why I wanted you and dad here,” Sami replied with a  smile. “Do you want to hold her, Grandpa?”

“Would I? Pass me the baby, girl,” Shawn said with a huge smile. As he cradled her in his arms, he said softly, “She is a beautiful baby, Samantha Gene. Beautiful.”

“I wanted you and Dad to hear her name first, before anyone else, because it’s going to mean the most to you. Lucas let me pick the name—”

“—because she did all the work,” Lucas interjected.

“This is Margaret Luna Brady-Roberts,” Sami said. “But we’re going to call her Molly.”

“Molly. For me sister, and me mum?” Shawn said with tears in his eyes, “Sami…thank you.”

“It’s a beautiful name, for a beautiful baby,” John whispered. Looking at Shawn he said jokingly, “Hand her over, Pop. It’s my turn.”

Marlena started laughing at the two men vying for the baby, and said to Sami, “Those two are going to be impossible now.”

“They already were,” Sami said grinning.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and John were in bed later that night, after having settled Belle and Brady into their respective beds. John pulled Marlena closer, running his hand over her thigh and her hip, saying, “So I was going to surprise you, but I thought you might want to be in on this…”

Marlena rolled over to face him, “What have you been up to, Sailor?”

“I’ve been looking at houses. I thought I could surprise you, but I’m an idiot. I should know that ultimately, I need you. I’m stuck and well, we need to move on this. Fast.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right, it’s just, I love it here so much. This is the place where I came to heal, to become whole again, but I know, we need more room, especially with Sami, and now Molly…plus this little girl we’ve got coming,” Marlena said, softly running her hand over the slight swell of her abdomen. “I just feel so safe here, so comfortable.”

“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. The other loft on this floor…it’s for sale. I spoke with the building manager, and he said that it was against the building owner’s policy to join units…so, um…well…I bought the building,” John said sheepishly.

Marlena sat up quickly, propped herself up on her elbow, and looked at John in absolute shock, “Oh my G-d! John! You just bought the whole building?”

“Yeah, I kind of did…well, not kind of…I did,” John said. “See, I wanted to buy the loft next to this one. It’s for sale.”

“So you said…”

“And, I was thinking it would be pretty easy to open up the spaces to make one larger one. We wouldn’t even have to move, but the building manager—”

“—he said no.”

“Well, yeah. So, I bought the building. Now I can do what I want,” John said smugly.

“You’re incorrigible, you know that? But I also want to say…thank you. I’ve become really attached to this loft, and I honestly didn’t want to move,” she said, leaning forward, and kissing his lips softly. “This place is where I came when I needed you, needed the children, and needed to heal. I didn’t want to give it up. So that’s the plan? Connect this loft to the one beside us? I’m guessing you bought that too?”

“You guessed right, baby. I bought that one too.”

Chapter 23 – Epilogue

John and Marlena’s wedding took place on the rooftop of their loft on a beautiful spring morning, surrounded by the gentle scent of lilacs, and the musical sounds of birds. They had invited a small group of family, and friends, and John had insisted that the service be presided over by Father Jansen. John jokingly told Marlena that Father Jansen has been patient enough to listen to all of his carnal confessions about Marlena, so he should be the one to marry them, and make it official. 

As Marlena approached John, his heart swelled with love. He thought that Marlena was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, her skin glowed in the soft light, her belly round with their child, and her hair gently blowing across her cheeks. The swell of her abdomen was covered by a simple white gown with an empire waistline, and the joy in her eyes was almost his undoing. As she stepped before him, and he took her hands in his, he carefully tugging her to him, and kissed her impulsively, causing Marlena to laugh, and say, “I feel like we’ve done this before.”

“I can’t help it, Doc,” he said with a smile that was meant only for her. “I can’t believe this is happening. I almost can’t believe that I’m this lucky.”

Father Jansen cleared his throat softly, causing John and Marlena to look at him in surprise, as if they were pulled from their own private world. The service was everything they both wanted, understated, and full of love. 

Sami stood there with three month old Molly in her arms, and she pondered all of the things she’d done to Carrie, Austin, her mother, and John. All of them had forgiven her, embraced her with love. So while Marlena and John exchanged rings, Sami felt this overwhelming warmth wash over her body, and she felt…she sensed that everything would be different now. Different than it could have been, if her mom and John hadn’t found their way back to one another. Different than it could have been, if she’d kept making selfish choices, and making Carrie and Austin miserable. Different even if then it would have been, if Stefano hadn’t had a stroke, or if Kristen had stuck around, and fought to be with John. It was right. This wedding, the direction all of their lives were taking…Sami felt innately that it was right. She looked over at Brady holding Abe’s hand, and Belle sleeping in Carrie’s arms, and she realized that everything was very right.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Two months later, Marlena was lying in bed, with her head on her husband’s shoulder, when she said, “You know, John, you never said anything about what Roman wrote in his letter to you.”

“It doesn’t matter. That’s why I never mentioned it,” John said quietly, stroking his fingers over the silken fabric of her nightgown along her hip, and enjoying the newfound curves of her body. “None of it mattered to me.”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

John sighed, knowing she wouldn’t let it drop until he told her something. “Roman reiterated that he wanted me to take a DNA test, but as I told you, I’d already done one…because I knew there would be questions. He said some other things, that were likely written in haste, things he might regret later…” John told her, his voice trailing off at the end.

“I think I might have an idea,” she whispered, tracing her fingers through the hair on his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s shocking for him to find out I’m his brother, and to find out I was marrying you. The idea of me…who I am, what I was…has always been intertwined with Roman’s hatred of Stefano—and then you and I had an affair, Doc. I wanted you so badly, staying away from you was impossible, that we gave in, and that hurt him. Just when he was trying to accept me, and come to terms with me in his life, I betrayed that fragile trust he had for me, by making love to his wife…”

“And now, you’re his brother,” she said.

“And now, I’m his brother.”

Marlena props herself up on her elbow, watching sadness flicker over John’s features, when she says, “He hurt you.”

“Doc, he’s hurting. I think there’s a lot, from his seven years with Stefano, that he has never dealt with. Someday, he’s going to have to tackle that. But yeah, right now, he’s angry, and he’s hurting. He was hoping for reconciliation with you, you know,” John told her.

“I know,” she said softly. “But I also know that ultimately that was never possible. You remember when you told me about kintsugi?”

“I do,” he said, reaching up to touch her face softly, while thinking about that day almost a year ago. “It feels like a lifetime ago.”

“Without you, my soul is broken. When I was with Roman, sometimes I would see you, and a part of me would almost weep to be near you. I forced myself to hold back. I refused to allow myself what my entire being so obviously needed…you. I ended up hurting Roman, because I wasn’t honest with myself,” she told him, reaching out to softly touch his lips. “When I am with you…G-d, John, when I am with you, I am whole. I am healed, and I am no longer broken.”

“Doc, you are everything to me. You, and the kids, make me whole. I love you so much.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Three days later, and three weeks early, Marlena’s water broke when she bent over to pick up some of Brady’s toys in the playroom. With a slight pop, and then a wet trickle, Marlena immediately yelled for John. Her tone sounded so urgent, that he came running, with a look of fear on his face, but upon noticing her wet joggers, he gave her a huge smile, saying, “You ready, baby?”

“Do I have a choice, Sailor?” she answered sarcastically.

“Nope. Let’s go,” John said, smiling, and reaching for her hand. Threading his fingers through hers, he tugged her closer, saying, “I’m so fucking happy.”

“I love you, and we’re having a baby.”

“That’s a fact,” he told her, walking from the room, and pulling her behind him.

They were settled at the hospital within the hour, and the proud parents of a baby girl within five hours. There had been a trail of people in and out of the room for the past hour to meet the newest member of the Black family, until it was obvious that Marlena needed to rest. John watched Marlena sleep, with their baby tucked in his arms. He ran his finger softly over his daughters cheek, marveling at her pale skin, and the silken black curls that sat atop her head. She looked at him, and as he stared into her eyes, he saw an agedness there, that you don’t typically see in a child. A quick flash of knowing. It was that moment, when he remembered what Marlena had said about Luna’s soul all those months ago. 

“You know, we’re going to give you the best life, and so much love. This time, your life is going to be amazing. I promise…your life is going to be everything you didn’t get last time,” he told his little girl. “Everything, because you deserve it.”

“Did you see it, too?” Marlena asked him quietly.

“I did. Something in her eyes. A flash of knowing,” he said. “Although I would feel silly saying that to anyone but you.”

“I saw it too. A fleeting change around her eyes, and then it was gone.”

“You know, Doc, we never really discussed a name for this fabulous new addition,” John said.

“I’ve had an idea for awhile, but I wasn’t sure how you’d respond…it’s not exactly something I would normally pick. You see, I…well, I woke up with it one morning. Just sitting in the forefront of my mind,” Marlena said. “I don’t even remember what I was dream. It was just there. I looked it up later, and realized it had deep meaning for me, for us.”

“I’ve stopped questioning the divine. So much has happened to us over the last year that simply can’t be explained,” he said quietly. “But this little miracle is what happens when two souls come together in the ultimate expression of love. She’s amazing, and she’s ours. So, Doc…what’s her name?”

Marlena watched John with their daughter, a child who looked so different from their other children, with her deep blue eyes, and jet black curls, and yet exactly like her father. She looked into her husband’s indigo eyes, and she told him, “Her name is Sionainn Carys.”

John smiled at Marlena, and then looked at their daughter, saying, “Sionainn Carys Black. That’s a powerful name, little one. A proud Irish name. Your grandpa Shawn is going to love it.”

“Sionainn means ‘old and wise’, and Carys means ‘to love’.”

“It’s beautiful, Doc,” John told her, laying the baby in the bassinet gently. Walking over to his wife, he kissed her softly on the mouth, saying, “You’re beautiful. The other half of my soul.”

“I love you,” she whispered, threading her fingers through his. “You are my everything. My absolute everything, John.”