“How long can it possibly take to clear the road?” I grumble, as I strain to look at what is happening up ahead. Since we had stopped only ten minutes ago on the highway, still one hour away from Salem, I have counted seven ambulances, one fire truck and two police cars come speeding by. For a brief moment I consider getting out and offering my services, as a doctor. At least it will get me out of the car. I glance at Roman who is making no secret of the fact that he wants me. The way he stares at me is making me uncomfortable, and the heat in the car has suddenly become stifling. I need more space and I need more air. But I know that it is only because Roman is sitting beside me, and what I want most of all, is for it to be John.
I know that somewhere in front of us, John is sitting in a car with Kristen, and I hope that he too will be wishing to be with me. I sigh as I hear a man’s voice telling us that we are in for a long wait… at least another hour before we will be able to move again. Hesitantly, I turn the headlights off, and then the car. Don’t want the battery to die while we are stopped here. Roman looks somewhat delighted as he reaches over to caress my neck. The feeling of his hand on my skin, sends chills down my spine. I almost want to shower just at this simple touch. In my heart I know that it is because I feel that by letting Roman touch me like this… that I am cheating on John.
I let my thoughts travel to John again. The agony of the last few days… having to see him act like he was married to Kristen. Just the thought of how Kristen’s hands had been all over John, makes my blood boil… even now! How we got roped into the weekend away, I will never understand. Another evil plot of Kristen’s. And she had watched us like a hawk, never once letting John and I have a moment alone together… like we so desperately wanted and needed. By this morning, when we had left in two separate cars, John with Kristen and myself with roman, I had been ready to rip my clothes off right there and just beg John to ravage me. It had taken all my self-restraint to stop myself from throwing myself at him, in front of Roman.
And now, I am feeling hot and bothered at the thought of John’s hands on my body… his intense blue eyes as he stares at me… the way his lips feel on my lips, his tongue duelling with my tongue, his breath mingling with my breath. I can see us in the car, my body atop his as I straddle him, and take his entire length within me… and I can almost feel the sweet release as we come together… for the first time in so many months. I glance over at Roman. God, how I wish that he was John. My lips are parted and my eyes are glazed over in absolute frenzied passion… but I don’t realise that he can see it. I can’t stop him, as Roman lunges towards me and presses his lips against mine. There is a roughness in his kiss that I can’t place… his mouth grinds against mine and demands access to my tongue. For a moment I let him kiss me, not knowing what else to do. But I don’t enjoy even a second of it. All I want is for it to stop… all I want is for John to…
“Hey… I finally found you…” John trails off as he catches Roman and I in this compromising position. At once, I push Roman away from me, and look up at John… guilt in my eyes. I clear my throat and open my mouth to speak… I need to say something… anything! But before I can form any words, John has broken the silence. “I didn’t realise that I would be interrupting…”“Yeah, John… I would appreciate it if you would leave us alone for a while…” Roman stares at John suggestively, and my skin crawls at what it means. Quickly I interrupt. “Roman… no. John, please stay?” I try to plead with him. I try to make him understand, but his response tells me that he doesn’t.“I might just go back to my car! I’ll catch you guys later…” I see how John hangs his head… I can tell that he is upset. And it makes me sad… and angry at Roman for putting us in this position.
As soon as John has left, Roman lunges at me again… only this time, his hands are everywhere… covering my body as if he owns me. I push him away. “Jesus Roman… what are you doing?” I ask him angrily.“Marlena… I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted ME?” Roman looks at me in confusion, and for a moment I feel slightly guilty. Until I see John from the rear-view mirror, watching us… I gasp as I notice him. Then I turn back to Roman. “I didn’t ask you to come onto me in the car, Roman. You are still recovering from your illness, and I am not ready to take that step just yet. I have to get some air… I am going to find Kristen and John…”
“Marlena…” Roman calls out the window as I walk away. I turn my head to face
him. “Yeah?”
“Do you mind seeing if Kristen will come to talk to me for a while?” I roll my eyes as I stride off. Kristen has completely and totally pulled the wool over Roman’s eyes… but it would give me the perfect excuse to have some time alone with John. Just the thought of it sends my senses into overdrive. I can feel myself turned on by the mere fact that John’s hands may soon be on my body.
I walk quickly towards the car, and I see him standing beside his. Kristen is beside him, attempting to press her body up against him. John is almost unaware of her presence and seems lost in thought. “Kristen…” I say as I approach them. “Roman wants to talk to you… I’ll keep John company…” I smile with fake pleasantries. I notice her scowling at me as she walks away, glancing back at us as she does so.
John merely glances up at me, before returning to his task of staring into space. I can tell that he is upset. I press myself against him so that my breasts are resting against his arm, and my arms travel around his neck. “John…” I murmur into his ear, making sure that my breath wrecks havoc with his senses. I let my lips press against his ear, and I hear his sharp intake of breath as my teeth tug at his earlobe. “Honey… don’t be like that…” I mumble as my lips move to his jaw line. I feel John’s entire body tense under my touch, and it makes his already defined muscles, feel even harder. And I want him even more.
My hands make their way down to his chest and I seductively slide them into the top of his shirt. My hands are cold and his chest is so warm. All the while, my lips are nibbling on his jaw line. I think that I am getting to him, but suddenly I feel his hands pushing my face from his, and from his body. “Marlena… DON’T…” With that, John opens the door to the car, and pushes me away as he opens the door. Then he gets in and closes it.
I pout a little as I realise that I have just been rejected. This is going to be harder than I thought. Sighing, I move around to the other side of the car, and hop in. John’s face rests against the steering wheel. “What’s wrong, baby?” I ask huskily, as my hands find John’s shoulders. I begin to massage him deeply. He moans, and the sound of it makes my whole body jump. God, how I want him. “How can you ask me that?” He growls, as his hands find mine, and he forcibly removes my fingers from his shoulders. He squeezes my hands tightly in his. He doesn’t want them to start wandering again, and he looks into my eyes, searching them for a sign of the betrayal that he feels. “John, what you saw was nothing but Roman trying the moves on me. All I want is YOU… you have to believe that…” I lean in so that my face is closer to his, but he moves away from me again. “Marlena… I don’t know what to believe any more. I don’t know if that look in your eyes when you look at Roman… is love, or regret, or pity. I just don’t know…” He hangs his head and drops my hands as though my skin has burnt him.“John… please… all I want is to feel your lips on mine. I want your hands on my
body. I want ALL of you!” I plead with him, my lower lip trembling as I nuzzle my face into his neck.
And for a moment I think that he believes me… that he is giving in. I reach my hand down to his pants and I start to massage his slight erection, breathing into his neck as I concentrate on my task. I hear and feel him groan and his body shifts, as John comes alive under my touch. “God, John, I need you SO much…” I whisper into his skin. “Won’t you let me have you?” Suddenly I feel John’s hands wrap around me, and his fingers become entangled into my hair. He tugs on it, pulling my mouth into an upwards angle so that he can have all the access that he needs. His lips come so close to mine, and I can feel the little electrical impulses rushing between us as I await contact. And it seems like I am waiting for so long.
All at once, all our contact is lost, and I feel the rush of cold air as John gets out of the car. “John…” I find myself screaming, as I jump out of the car and follow him. He is walking quickly, his hands buried deeply into his pockets. He is trying his best to ignore me. “John… don’t walk away from me…” I demand, but he doesn’t listen. I run to catch up with him, and when I finally do, I throw my arms around his neck from behind. “John… STOP…” He keeps walking, but I am digging my heels into the grass, and he is struggling to remove my hands from his neck, and keep moving with my weight attached to him. “We need to talk…” I whine against his skin, and I jump onto his back and wrap my legs around his waist. “Marlena… dammit… stop this. You are acting like a child.” John’s hands claw at my legs to try to remove me from him. But I don’t budge.
“ME?” I ask incredulously. “I am NOT the one who is walking away and sooking… John, I want to talk about this.” “Well I DON’T want to talk about this, okay?” John has stopped moving and I think he is waiting for me to concede defeat and get off him. “NO… it’s NOT okay! You are acting like a jealous idiot! How many times do I have to tell you that YOU are the only man that I love?… ONLY you!” He is trying to pry my hands from around his neck, but I only hold on more tightly. I know that I will have to prove it to him, so I latch my mouth onto the exposed skin of the nape of his neck and I bite and kiss and tug at his skin. I can feel John weakening as he relaxes slightly into my touch… his chest is rising and falling heavily… and I can feel his pounding heart beat in his neck. He is moaning both from pleasure and the internal battle that is raging inside him. “John… just give in baby… we… both… want… this…” I murmur the words between delicate kisses.
After a few moments of bliss, John obviously regains his senses, and as my resolve to hang on to him weakens, he pries me off him. I think for a moment that he is going to turn around and kiss me, but instead he stands with his back facing me. “John?” I ask questioningly, through hooded eyes. My hands rest on his shoulders. I can feel his anger as he shrugs me off. “NO! Marlena, I just can’t do this… I can’t! I love you, but it’s no use! I can’t stand aside and pretend that I don’t love you… not anymore!”
“But John…” My voice is a whisper, as I shake my head from side to side, refusing to believe what he is saying. “I’m sorry Marlena. I am going to leave Salem…”“NO, no, no, no… you can’t leave Salem! I need you, I love you…” I trail off as the tears fill my eyes. I grab John’s face and turn him towards me, and by the look in his eyes I know that he is serious. “I love you…” he whispers, and his tone speaks of finality. Then he leans down and kisses me. The kiss is full of passion… our tongues duel. We drink one another in, knowing that this may be our last chance.
He pulls away at last and gazes at me. The tears pour down my face. Then I become angry… my heart is constricting painfully. My face distorts into a mask of rage. Then, as John tries to embrace me, I turn on him. I pound my fists into his chest as hard as I can. “You selfish bastard…” I scream hysterically. “This is always your solution isn’t it? You are a fucking coward. I can’t even believe that I thought that you were kind and understanding… I don’t even care any more…”
I throw my hands down by my side and turn away from John. “Leave… just leave. This time I am not going to stop you…” I start moving, breaking into a run as the tears cascade down my face and blind my vision. When I reach the car, I flop into it and slam the door. I rest my head against the cold window and let the tears fall freely.
I don’t notice as John comes up beside my window, peering in. I hardly even notice as he opens the car door, except that my face now has nothing to rest on. I do notice his rough hand as it clasps around mine. I feel the shudders run through me involuntarily. I look up at him, into his deep blue eyes, which are filled with an intensity and a longing the likes of which I have never seen before. He pulls me up effortlessly, and briefly I try to resist… but I am powerless against him. When I am out of the car, he pulls the back door open and practically throws me onto the back seat, reclined. Then he jumps in on top of me. His mouth finds mine almost instantly, and our tongues and mouths twine together as they dance in passion. I can’t even think straight. I can’t even remember what our argument was about. I feel hands everywhere as John and I grope desperately at each other. Our movements are soon becoming urgent… like our passion, which has been denied for so long, has finally caused us to break… it has finally caused us to come together in an absolute frenzy of desire. As he moves above
me to remove his shirt, I gaze up into his blue eyes and he murmurs words of love. He touches my cheek and runs his hand along my skin. “Oh baby, I love you…” he confesses, as my hands encircle his neck and I pull his mouth to mine. “I need you so much…” His lips find my ear and I shudder as he whispers into it, and then his lips nibble at the delicate skin. I arch my body backwards so that my breasts press into John’s chest and my neck lays exposed to his searching mouth. I moan as his tongue traces every inch of my skin, his teeth nipping at my flesh. I can do nothing but allow and enjoy his manipulations, and run my fingernails down over his naked back. My eyes are fluttered closed, my lips parted, my chest heaving as I try to control myself. “God, John… mmm… I need you…” I say almost incoherently.
John rises up to look at me beneath him, and as my body notices the loss of contact, I open my eyes and watch him watching me. I think that he is pondering the best way to rid me of my red top, and finally, he takes a hold of it and rips it down the middle. Then he removes my bra in the same way. Instantly his teeth are tugging at my hardened nipple. I try to retain some sense of control as I pant the words out. “Hey… that was… my favourite…” I can’t even finish as John’s hand conveniently covers my womanhood. “Oh… my… oh… John…” I say with staggered breaths, not even knowing what it is that I am saying. “I’ll buy you another one…” he chuckles, as he grabs my face and looks me in the eyes. “OK?” I can only nod my assent, because right now I don’t want to fight over my ripped top… all I want is for John’s hands and mouth to continue their exploration of my body.
I bend my face up and start to bite at John’s nipples, my hands running over his chest. I can feel his lower body pressing into me… grinding into me… his erection so massive and so demanding. “God… John… take me…” I pant, as I feel his hands groping for the zipper of my skirt. “No, no, no… just push it up…” I grab at his front desperately, and slide my hands between us, fighting to find the zipper of his pants. “In a hurry are we?” he teases, as his lips come dangerously close to mine. I merely glare at him, and take his bottom lip between my teeth. “Just do it…” I demand. John rises up slightly and I take the opportunity to push his boxers down, just enough so that his erection springs free. His hands grope for my skirt and he pushes it up around my waist. “God, I love you…” he pants, as he rips my panties from my body. I guide his oozing shaft to my soaking entrance, and gasp as he takes control and thrusts powerfully.
He continues to kiss and caress me and murmur his love into my skin as our movements begin to increase in intensity and speed. For all I know, the car could be rocking… but I don’t care. I scream out John’s name as he brings me closer and closer to the heights of ecstasy, and I begin to clamp my legs around him as he too nears his brink. In a magical moment, we both release together, murmuring that we love each other as our bodies shake and quiver in exquisite delight.
As our breathing slows, John pulls out of me and pulls me to sit beside him, curled in his embrace. I trace the beads of sweat from his chest, and I fight back my tears. I think that John senses my sadness, and he pulls my face up to look at him. “Baby, what is it?” he asks tenderly, his fingers delicately tracing my lips. “That can’t have been goodbye…” I whimper, and slowly the unshed tears start to trickle down my cheeks. “I mean… it didn’t FEEL like goodbye.” I sniff as my emotions start to get the better of me. Then I bury my face into John’s chest. “I’m not going anywhere, honey! I love you too much for that.”
“But… you said…” I gazed up at him with eyes full of hope.
“I know what I said. I’m sorry baby… it’s just that sometimes, it’s so hard to face that I can’t be with you. I just miss you so much. But I can live on what just happened here… for months. We’ll be okay…” He reassures me.“John… I am going to tell Roman the truth. I just can’t bear to be without you any longer…” I place my fingers on his lips as he tries to protest. “It’s for the best!”
I start to move, inspecting my ripped bra and shirt and throwing them down in exasperation. “John… what am I going to wear?” I gasp as I feel his teeth on my stomach. “I prefer you in nothing at all…” It comes out as a muffled murmur against my skin. “John… stop that…” I try to stop him, but all of a sudden, his tongue is probing at my centre. “John…” My voice quivers, as John grabs hold of my ankles and pulls my legs apart. I open my mouth to protest, but as his tongue laps deliciously against my sensitive nub, I close it again. I thrust my hips up to meet his insistent tongue and again I find myself arching my body backwards. “Mmmmm… oh… um…” My entire body begins to shake as John brings me to my second orgasm. Then his lips are kissing their way up my body to my awaiting mouth. Our tongues duel and our mouths dance in a way that has been denied to them for so long.
Then, gathering my senses, I push John off me, and I grab his shirt. I button it up and breathe in the smell of him. “I am going to tell Roman…” I say, and I move over him and open the car door. I am walking away as John searches through his suitcase for a shirt. He catches up to me just as I reach the car where Roman and Kristen are sitting. “Doc…” Roman greets me. “I wondered where you had gotten to…” He gazes at me in confusion as he notices John’s shirt covering my body. I proceed to break the news to him about Kristen’s deception, and within 30 minutes John and I are back in the car. The traffic is about to start moving, and John is driving. Our fingers are laced together, and brilliant smiles light up our faces. “This Doc… is going to be forever.
Believe that!”
The Jarlena Journal 