Chapter 1:  Q, What, When, Where, Why?

Q blinked.  The sun was high overhead and the hills in the distance looked hazy in the heat.  He shaded the sun from his eyes with his hand and scanned the horizon.  Through the trees he could see that it was flat on all sides, except for the hill on the left.  In what he presumed to be a northern direction lay a small city and away to the east was an expanse of water.  Whether it was the sea, he could not tell.

 

“Thanks a bunch.”  Q muttered to no-one in particular, for he was very much alone.  “Miserable pack of…..”  he trailed off.  “You could at least give me a clue.”  He kicked a stone which had been sitting at the shoulder of the road.  Somewhat unbelievably, the stone shot into the air and struck a signpost about five metres away, with a large *thwack*.

 

Q looked at the signpost.  It read SALEM 35m, and it pointed toward the town.  Q sighed.  Taking off his heavy overcoat, he began to walk.

 

******

 

Marlena tapped her foot impatiently on the thick carpet.

 

“Belle, what are you doing?”  She called to her small daughter.

 

Belle came flying out of her bedroom. “Forgot my necklace!”  In her small hands she clutched the treasured glass beads that John had brought back from Paris.

 

“Okay then.”  Marlena laughed at her child’s earnest expression.  “Are we ready to go now?”  

 

“Granma and Granpa!”  Belle shouted; a wide smile splashed across her delicate face.  “Now!”

 

“Yes.  Now.”  Marlena followed her daughter out of the penthouse.

 

******

 

Q had come to the outskirts of the city.  The heavy slick of perspiration on his forehead and his growing fatigue finally convinced him to stop.  He scanned the footpath ahead and spied a seat on the right side of the road.  He crossed over and sat on the seat.  After a while he pulled his feet up and lay on his back.  He noted dispassionately that the sun was sinking in the west.

 

“Well.  Are you enjoying yourselves?”  He demanded.  To any passerby it would have appeared that he was talking to the sky, or to himself.  “If this is supposed to teach me a lesson, I think you have,” he sighed, “once again, underestimated me.”

 

There was no answer forthcoming.  Q snapped his fingers.  Again.  For about the sixtieth time.  Nothing happened, again.  For about the sixtieth time.  Not that snapping his fingers usually did anything.  It was the accompanying omnipotence that usually did the trick, but omnipotence seemed to be in short supply at the moment.

 

“I suppose you get a kick out of this.”  Q muttered to himself.  He dragged himself upright on the seat.  “Well, I survived it before, I will again.”

 

His reverie was interrupted by the rumble of a public bus.  He sat and regarded it for a moment.  Slowly a vague recollection crept through the fog of his memory.  He stood and delved his hand into his pocket.  Pulling out several coins he stepped onto the bus.

******

Belle ran into the Brady’s pub, her blonde curls bouncing against her face.

 

“Woah, slow down little girl!”  Shawn suggested gently putting his hand on Belle’s shoulder and crouching down to face her.  “We don’t want you getting hurt here, do we?”

 

“Granpa!”  Belle flung her arms around his neck.

 

“Well, It’s nice to see you too, so it is.”  Shawn laughed, picking Belle up in his arms and hugging her.  “How’s my wee girl, eh?”

 

Marlena smiled at the sight of her daughter and her adopted grandfather.  She still felt a sense of guilt about how she had lied to them over Belle’s parentage, but once they had learnt the truth, they had never treated the baby any differently.  They still thought of John as a son, so in their eyes, Belle was still their granddaughter.

 

“Are you *sure* you don’t mind having her for the night Shawn?” She asked, still smiling.

 

“Now, why would we mind?”  Caroline responded as she entered the room.  “You know we love having her any time.  Now you go and have your dinner.  Belle will be just fine with us.”  She leaned over and gave Belle a kiss on the cheek.  

 

Shawn put Belle down.  “Belle honey.  Why don’t you go upstairs and find Brady.”

 

“Brady!”  Belle started off up the stairs, her red coat flapping behind her.

 

“Brady’s here?”  Marlena immediately felt foolish for asking the question.

 

“John asked if we wouldn’t mind looking after him for the night.”  Shawn’s explanation didn’t extend any further.  It seemed obvious he was trying to spare her any further pain.

 

“Oh.”  Marlena felt the now familiar mix of emotions bubbling up inside her, but looking at Shawn and Caroline, she quelled them and painted a smile on her face.  “Well, thanks again.  I hope she’s no trouble.  You know you can call me if there’s any problems.”  

 

“We know.”  Caroline hugged her.  “Now, you’ll be late if you don’t get going.”

 

“Say bye to her for me.”  She squeezed Shawn’s hand and then made her way out of the house.

 

The couple watched her go.  “Oh Caroline, when will it ever end?”  Shawn shook his head.  

 

Caroline swallowed hard.  “Shawn you *know* we can’t get involved.”  

 

“But the kiddies…”  Shawn looked at his wife, resolute in her determination.  “Ah, you’re right.  They have to work this out for themselves.”

 

Outside, Marlena stood briefly letting the anger rise again, the cool wall a blessing to her burning face.  There was only *one* reason that Brady would be there tonight, and that reason was Kristen.

******

Q stepped off the bus and looked about him with growing confusion.  There was something vaguely familiar about the place, but he couldn’t yet put his finger on it.  He sat on a seat in the bus shelter and pondered what to do next.  Nothing came immediately to mind.

 

I’m Q he thought. I’m Q but I have no power.  I have no power and I don’t know where I am.  He sighed. Where and when?  His thoughts lingered as he watched with interest a woman walking across the park.  She was wearing a long cream overcoat with a scarf draped around the shoulders.  She seemed upset about something and pulled her fingers through her long blonde hair.  Suddenly, as though she could feel his eyes on her, she turned and looked in his direction.  She paused for several moments and then, when her eyes settled on him, she began to walk toward him.  The frown that had previously marred her lovely face was chased away by a sunny smile.

 

Q was suddenly nervous.  He could hardly remember what that felt like.  She knows me.  He thought.  She recognizes me and I don’t know who the hell she is.  I don’t even know who *I’m* supposed to be.

******

Marlena walked toward him.  He still looked exactly the same.  How long had it been?  God, he probably still thought she was dead.  

 

She smiled at him, but the look of bewilderment on his face forced her smile back a little as she reached him.

 

“Eugene?”  She asked a little tentatively, and then, when she’d satisfied her that it *couldn’t* be anyone else.  “Eugene, it *is* you.”

 

“Madam.”  Q began with as much haughtiness as he could muster under the conditions.  “I am afraid you are mistaken.  My name is not Eugene.”

 

Marlena’s brow creased slightly as she considered him and his claim.  It was clear that he did not recognize her, the belief that she was dead would not evoke that response, but she *knew* it was him.  She decided not to press the point, but to see where the conversation led.

 

“I’m sorry,” she smiled at him.  “It’s just that you look *very* like an old friend of mine.”  A friend I miss a great deal.  She didn’t vocalize the thought.  “Marlena Evans.”  She held out her hand, hoping that her name might jog his memory.  “And you are?”

 

He contemplated her for a moment.  “Most people know me as Q.”  He offered.

 

The furrow returned to Marlena’s brow. “Q.” She repeated.

Chapter 2:    Food For Thought

Kristen smoothed her dress over her flat stomach.  She smiled to herself as she thought back to Paris.  It hadn’t taken that *witch* Marlena long to catch onto her fake pregnancy, but it had been long enough for her to conceive again.  Kristen patted her belly and looked at her reflection in the mirror.  She smirked as she remembered the moment of ‘revelation’.  She’d put on the performance of her life, convincing John that she’d done it because she was so distraught over the loss of the baby that she’d gone a little crazy.  Marlena hadn’t fallen for it, but then, it wasn’t Marlena she intended to marry.

 

Incredibly, at that very moment, Abe had called to tell them that Will had been located and Marlena had left, albeit a little unwillingly.  Kristen knew she could have never pulled off her charade if Marlena had remained.  However, with a few more tears and choice words she had persuaded John that what she’d done she’d done out of her torment over losing their baby.

 

As soon as she had been able, she had wrenched John away from Europe and his beloved Doc and they had flown back to Salem.  Since Marlena had returned, she’d pretty well kept John out of the other woman’s path.  And now, tonight, she would tell him about the new baby, and everything would be back to the way it was before Marlena had interrupted.

******

John paced the floor of the loft.  He’d just come back from dropping Brady at Shawn and Caroline’s and he’d been getting ready for his dinner date with Kristen.  He had been searching through his drawer for a pair of cufflinks when he had come across his favourite photo of Marlena.  He’d hidden it away because he knew it no longer had any part in his life, but he couldn’t bear to part with it altogether.

 

If only things had been different.

 

Just looking at it now tore at his heart.  He couldn’t believe it could hurt just to *look* at a picture.  He *loved* Marlena.  Whatever it was that had stirred up those feelings, it meant he couldn’t deny that now.  At least not to himself.  But, he had to accept that she didn’t feel the same.  He thought back to the guillotine and the brief moment he had thought she had meant she loved him.  Really loved him.  The way he loved her.  He had come to realize that it had been wishful thinking on his part.  She didn’t feel the same.  He knew that.  And his responsibility was to Kristen now.  He was the reason she’d been in Paris, and he was the reason she’d lost the baby.  And, although it pained him to remember how she had lied to him, he could understand the anguish that had led her to it.  It was up to him to make it better.

 

He sighed and put the picture back in the drawer.  He fastened the cuffs of his shirt and put on his jacket.  And then giving the loft one last glance, he closed the door.

******

“That’s an interesting name.”  Marlena commented.

 

“Actually, it’s not really exactly my name.”  Q resolved to tell her the whole story.  If she thought he was crazy, so be it.  If he couldn’t work out why he was here, then he’d force the Continuum into playing their hand…. or so he hoped.  Besides, he couldn’t think of a plausible explanation. that wouldn’t sound crazier than the truth.  So, he sucked in a breath and carried on.  “It’s more what I am, or where I come from…”

 

When he’d finished Marlena sat still, with her eyes wide open.  “So, you’re omnipotent.”  She said slowly, and somewhat disbelievingly.

 

“And immortal, yes.”

 

“But you’ve been stripped of your powers.”

 

“Basically, yes that’s it.”

 

Under other circumstances, Marlena probably would have been struggling to keep the smile from her face.  But Eugene was her friend, and these delusions were alarming in their severity.

 

“Where are you staying tonight, Q?”  She finally asked.

 

“Well,” Q paused.  That wasn’t something that had occurred to him.  He was used to being immortal.  Q didn’t need sleep.  Omnipotence dispensed with the need for that.  “Actually, I don’t have anywhere to stay.”

 

“And you don’t have any money?”  Marlena voiced the thought he had wanted to add.  She smiled and to Q it seemed as if her eyes were dancing.  “I’ll tell you what.  I’m just on my way to dinner with a friend.  Why don’t you join us.”

 

“Really, I couldn’t intrude.”  Q’s mind whirled.  He didn’t really want to say no to this woman.  She was the only person he knew in this town, but how could he accept her offer without indebting himself to her?  

 

She settled his dilemma for him.  

 

“No arguments.”  She put her hand in his.  “Dinner’s on me.”

******

John walked into the restaurant and looked around him.  Kristen was at a table in the corner, and she waved to him.  As he walked over to her, he was struck again by how *wrong* this all felt.  Seeing Kristen just made him feel more down than he already was.  Surely that wasn’t how he should feel about his fiancée?  Even when he’d been in the midst of all the turmoil over Marlena. and then Roman, returning, he had never felt like this.  Not with Isabella.  She had been his anchor, his rock.  He smiled, an ironic, soulless smile.  Kristen was an anchor too.  But with a short chain, and she just kept dragging him down.  He shook his head.  He *had* to stop thinking like this or he’d go crazy. 

 

 He forced a smile as he reached the table. “Hi baby.”  He leaned over and kissed her.  “How are you feeling?”  He sat down in the seat opposite her.

 

“Pretty good actually.”  Kristen looked exceedingly pleased with herself.  John was surprised and a little shocked.  Mere days ago she had been crying in his arms over their loss.

 

“Have you had some good news baby?” 

 

“Oh John, it’s the most wonderful news.  I’ve just had the results.  I’m pregnant again..”  Kristen smiled and took his hand.  “Isn’t it just wonderful?”

 

“Yeah baby, it’s great news.”  John smiled at her, but inside he felt an inexplicable sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 

“It’s amazing,”  Kristen continued, unaware of, or ignoring John’s lack of enthusiasm.  “It just took that one time when we got back from Paris, we’re so lucky.”

 

“Yeah…”  John’s voice faded.  This feels so wrong.  He felt trapped.  Trapped, like Doc had been in that cage.  There it was again.  He had to stop thinking about her.  He had to get over her.  How many years was it now?  He was starting to wonder if he’d ever get over her.

 

“John?  John…”  Kristen’s voice interrupted his brooding.  “What’s wrong honey?  You’re not upset about the baby are you?”

 

He covered his panic with a smile and resolved to make the best of the situation.  “Sorry, I just had a bad day, that’s all.”  He took her hand in his.  “It’s wonderful news.  We’re very lucky indeed.”

******

Marlena had just introduced Q to Laura when he excused himself.  As he headed for the men’s room Marlena turned to her friend and quickly outlined the situation she now found herself in.

 

“So the end point is, he thinks he’s somebody that he’s not, and he’s having delusions of immortality.”  She took a sip of wine.

 

“And you’re sure it’s Eugene?”

 

“Absolutely, yes.  But even if I wasn’t, it’s hardly normal behaviour, is it?”

 

“Agreed.”  Laura was thoughtful.  “So, what’s your next move?”

 

“I have no idea.”  Marlena played with the stem of her wine glass.  “He doesn’t have anywhere to stay, and I know the whole thing is odd.”  She paused.  “I really don’t like the idea of committing him.”

 

“You might have to.”  Laura’s expression showed empathy for her friend’s predicament.  “He might get dangerous.”

 

“‘Gene is hardly psychotic.”  Marlena laughed.

“Are you sure?”  Laura pressed her.  “You don’t know what triggered this episode.  If you’re thinking of inviting him to stay with you, are you really willing to take that risk with Belle around?”

 

Marlena looked at her.  That was a possibility that she hadn’t really considered. “Okay.”  Her expression had sobered.  “I’ll think about it.”

 

“Think about what.”  Q’s voice interrupted the two women as he re-seated himself.

 

“Oh, Q.  Laura and I were just discussing the menu.  She’s suggesting the veal.”  Marlena tried to sound convincing.

 

“The veal looks good.”  He agreed.  He sat back and watched as they looked at their menus.  Whatever the two of them had been discussing, it certainly wasn’t food.

******

Kristen and John were leaving after their dinner when Kristen spotted Marlena, Laura and a stranger sitting on the opposite side of the restaurant.  She smiled to herself and tugged on John’s hand.   John had seen them at almost the same time and tried to resist Kristen’s urging to go and greet them.

 

“Kristen honey, let’s not bother them.”  He felt as if he were pleading with her.  “I’m so tired, let’s just go home.”

 

“No, no, no.”  Kristen’s was stubborn.  “We’ve hardly seen Marlena since she returned, and besides, I want to tell her our news.”

 

John couldn’t think of a viable excuse not to see her and so he let himself be led over to the table.

 

Marlena almost choked when she saw them coming toward her.   Laura looked in the same direction and murmured something inaudible.  Q sat and watched the proceedings with great interest.

 

“Marlena, Laura, how lovely to see you.”  Kristen gushed.  “We were just on our way out and we had to come over and see you.”

 

“How nice.”  Marlena said rather icily.  She looked at John.  He was pale and seemed extremely uncomfortable at the turn of events.  He looked at Q and she saw the recognition in his eyes.    “Ah, Kristen, John, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.  This is Q.”  She looked at John with the warning to remain quiet obvious in her eyes.  “Q, this is John Black and Kristen Blake.”  She was damned if she was going to introduce Kristen as his fiancée.  Q stood and shook their hands dutifully.  As he looked at John, something shifted in his mind, and a vague memory began to assume shape.  He remained quiet for the moment and observed the tension in the group surrounding him.

 

“How are you Doc?”  John found his voice disjointed and distant sounding.  She looked at him, but he found it difficult to read the emotions that clouded her eyes.

 

“Fine thanks.”  Marlena didn’t trust herself to say anything further.  

 

“Marlena.”  Kristen interrupted, feeling uncomfortable with the exchange between John and Marlena.  “We’ve just had the most wonderful news.  I’ve just told John.  I’m pregnant again.”

 

John looked at his ex-wife.  He could read her now.  And the look she had on her face almost shattered his soul.

 

Chapter 3:  Questions, questions …….

Marlena faced John, even though what Kristen had said made her feel nauseous.  What she found in his eyes confirmed her fears.  Kristen was telling the truth.  At least the truth as far as he knew it.  Which meant……she couldn’t even bear to think what that meant.  Her eyes reverted back to Kristen.  The other woman’s smile was triumphant.

 

I’m the winner Marlena, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

 

Kristen wished she could freeze the look on Marlena’s face.  This was her moment of glory and she was going to revel in it.

 

“Well, that was certainly fast work.”  Laura broke the silence, her caustic remark taking a bite out of Kristen’s aura of self-satisfaction.

 

“First time lucky.”  Kristen wasn’t about to let Laura spoil the moment.  John had other ideas.

 

“C’mon Kristen, I think it’s time to go.” He told her forcefully.  Kristen thought about arguing but glancing at his face thought the better of it.

 

“G’night all, sorry to bother you.”  He shepherded Kristen away like she was a naughty child.  

Once outside he turned on her.  “What the hell did you think you were doing in there?”

Kristen stood, shocked, with her mouth slightly open.  It wasn’t often that John got angry, and obviously she’d pushed him a little too far this time.

 

“Honey, I’m sorry.”  She put her hand against his chest.  She could feel his heart beating through his shirt.  “I didn’t mean to do anything wrong”.  John narrowed his eyes, shrugged off her hand and walked past her.

 

“I think I’d better take you home.”  He rasped, his ire evident in his voice.

Marlena had waited until they left the restaurant then headed wordlessly for the bathroom.  In the restroom, she had splashed cold water on her face in an effort to keep the tears from falling.

 

How could you?

 

After everything they’d been through in Paris, after Will, after the way he’d kissed her……

 

After all that and most of all, after Kristen’s lies.  Why had he chosen to stay with her?  She sighed.  It was ironic really.  What right had she to feel betrayed?  She traced the outline of the tiles on the bench with her fingertip.  Perhaps this was her punishment.  

 

Haven’t I been punished enough already?

 

She stood for several more moments and then, wiping away several tears which had escaped, she composed herself and returned to the restaurant.

Q had watched the whole scene with the sort of horrified fascination usually reserved for the carnage of a road accident.  Marlena had come back to the table as silently as she had left.  He felt an awkwardness that he was unaccustomed to.  Eventually she turned to him.  The grief was still evident in her eyes, but she appeared remarkably self-possessed.

 

“Look, I’m sorry about what happened here.”  Her apology was made in a low hollow voice.

 

“My dear Marlena.”  Q wasn’t an overly sympathetic person.  His amusement at the predicaments humans forced themselves into usually precluded sympathy.  Yet somehow this woman before him managed to draw feelings from him that he hadn’t experienced since, well, he could hardly remember when.  He took her hand.  “Please don’t apologize.  You have nothing to be sorry for.”  She attempted a smile, but the tears were threatening again, and the smile stalled in a tremble.  “Actually,” Q continued, hoping his slight digression would distract her thoughts from the recent events.  “I have a question you may be able to answer.”  She nodded slightly; her interest piqued.  Laura sat by attentively.  “John Black.”  He saw her slight flinch at the name. “I’m sorry, if you don’t want to talk about -”

 

“No no, go on.”  Marlena urged.  

 

He hesitated for a moment and then carried on.  “Is his name really John Black?  I don’t know,” he shook his head, “to me that just doesn’t *feel* like his name.”

 

This time the smile returned to Marlena’s face.  “Q.”  She said the name slowly and carefully.  “His name wasn’t always John Black.  For a number of years, he was known as Roman Brady.  He used to be my husband.”  She looked at him expectantly and was rewarded by the spark of realization in his eyes.  The seed that had been planted suddenly unlocked a door and in an instant of clarity the memories came tumbling back to the forefront of his mind.  His visage transmuted from understanding to shock.

 

“He *was* Roman Brady?”  Marlena remained still, hardly willing to breathe, waiting for him to put it together in his mind.  He looked down at his plate and then his head snapped back to her in realization.  “But you’re….”  He paused.  “What year is this?”

 

“Nineteen ninety-six.”  Marlena said gently.  Q struggled to remember back.  This part of his ‘life’ was *so* far behind him.

 

“But you…”  His voice faded out.

 

“Eugene.”  Marlena dared to say his name.  “Gene, I didn’t die.  Everyone thought I had died back in ‘eighty-seven.  But I didn’t.”

 

“You didn’t.”  Q regarded her as he effected a return to his usual nonchalant demeanor.  “Well obviously you didn’t.”  He paused and considered for a moment.  “Eugene.  I must say it’s a while since I was called by that name.”

******

John sat in the car, treasuring the silence.  On the way home Kristen had pleaded with him, entreating him not to be angry.  She’s said that she hadn’t meant to upset anyone.  She’d said she was sorry.  He’d been too angry to listen to her self-reproach.  He’d dropped her off at the house and left her in tears, telling her he’d ring her tomorrow.  Now his anger had softened a little he felt a twinge of guilt, but not enough to persuade him to return.  He thought back to the restaurant and wondered about the incident with Eugene.  What was all that business about Q?  Thanks to Kristen he didn’t even feel he could call Doc and ask her.  He sighed heavily.  Things seemed to be getting more and more complicated.  He looked at the clock in the car, the digital numbers glowing in the darkness.  It was only a quarter past ten.  Shawn and Caroline would still be up.  He started the car.

******

Brady lay in the darkness, listening to the sounds that drifted up from the pub downstairs.  Belle was in the bed next to his and he could make out the quiet, regular breaths which indicated she was asleep.  He suddenly realized he’d forgotten to say his prayers, so he climbed out of the bed and kneeled on the carpet.  He whispered so as not to wake his little sister.

 

“God, please look after Mommy in heaven.  And look after Daddy and Belle and Belle’s mommy..”  He stopped, hearing Belle’s whimpers.  He got up and looked at her.  She was sleeping, but she seemed to be having a bad dream.  He shook her and she woke with a start.

 

“Belle, you okay?”  He asked.  Belle’s lower lip trembled, and he heard her sniff.  He climbed onto the bed and put his arm around her like he’d seen Daddy do when she was upset.  “Belle, what’s wrong?”

 

“I want Mommy!”  Belle burst into tears.

 

“Your mommy’s not here.”  Brady tried to sound as grown up as he could.  “Did you have a dream?”

 

“Ni’mare.”  Belle pouted.  “Mommy wen’ away.  I miss Mommy.”  She began to cry again.

 

“Your mom will be here in the morning.”  Brady told her authoritatively.

 

“Daddy too?”  Belle looked hopeful.

 

“Daddy too.” 

 

“Mommy love Daddy.”  Belle nodded her head enthusiastically.  “Mommy tol’ me.”

 

Brady didn’t say anything.  His Dad loved Kristen.  They were going to be a family, or so Kristen had said.  Anyways Belle was just a baby and babies didn’t know anything.  He took his arm from around her shoulder and slipped off the bed.  Climbing into his own he told her to go to sleep. She lay down and yawned. 

 

“Belle go sleep now.”  Her voice was quiet and slow.  “Belle wuv Bwady.”

 

“Love you too Belle.”  Brady smiled and closed his eyes.

 

******

 

Marlena eyed Q a little worriedly.  She’d hoped when he remembered her and who he was, that he’d drop the Q business.  But he was still maintaining that even though he *used* to be Eugene, he was now a Q.  She knew he wasn’t playing games with her.  He really believed that he was over five hundred years old, and it troubled her.  It wasn’t only that.  It was his whole attitude.  He wasn’t behaving like the Eugene she knew, not entirely.  He had an air of arrogance which the old Eugene had lacked, and his self-confidence seemed to be growing by the minute now that his surroundings were again familiar.  

 

She smiled at him, making an effort to conceal her concern.  She couldn’t go on asking him questions, this was hardly the time or place for an analysis.  She debated the options in her head.  Except there weren’t really any options.  Eugene was confused with no place to go and no money.  And he was her friend.  What choice did she have?

 

“Eugene, would you come and stay with me for a couple of nights?”  She ignored Laura’s glare.  

 

Q’s expression was of gratitude.  “I would try to argue with you, but I’d have no-where to go after I won.”

 

“That’s what I figured.”  Marlena reached for her bag.

 

“Marlena, could I talk to you for a minute?”  Laura was obviously not thrilled by the turn of events.

 

“It’ll have to wait until the morning I’m afraid.”  Marlena wasn’t about to debate the wisdom of her decision with her friend.  She pulled several bills out of her purse and tossed them on the table next to the account.  “There.”  She turned to Q.  “Shall we go?”  

 

He stood and offered his arm to help her up.  “Goodnight Laura.”  He farewelled.  “It was nice to meet you.”

 

“Goodnight Eugene.”  She smiled, but he noticed that it didn’t reach her eyes.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Laura.”  Marlena took Q’s arm and they made their way through the restaurant.  At the door Marlena picked up her coat.  “Are you happy to walk?”  She asked.

 

“Perfectly.”  His smile appeared mischievous.  “By the way,” he patted her arm, “that friend of yours is a bit uptight, don’t you think?”

******

The Brady pub was winding down when John entered.  It had obviously been a slow night.  Caroline had been cleaning behind the bar but when she saw him come in, she went to meet him.

“John is something wrong?”  It was a question which begged to be answered, but John wasn’t sure that he was up to what would follow.

 

“No Caroline, I’m fine.”  He pursed his lips.  “Is there any chance of getting a drink round here?”  Caroline frowned.  Whatever was bothering John, he obviously didn’t want to talk about it.  Still, that was John’s way of handling problems.   She shrugged.  “What do you want?”

He ordered a drink and took it to a booth in the corner.  He sat, lost in his thoughts until the drink was finished, at which stage he stood and found Caroline. 

 

“I think I’ll go check on the kids.”  She nodded and he climbed the stairs to the bedroom.

His eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness and he watched his two sleeping children.  It never failed to amaze him how much Belle looked like her mother.  He traced the outline of her tiny cheek with his thumb.

 

“Sweet dreams Belle baby.”  He whispered.  She stirred slightly as he leaned over and kissed her but she didn’t wake.  Brady however awoke at the slightest touch.

 

“Dad?”

 

“Shh, yeah it’s me slugger.”  John brushed a strand of hair from the boy’s forehead.  “You okay little guy?”

 

“Yeah, Belle had a bad dream, but I made it go away.”  He told John a little proudly.

 

“Good man.”  John smiled.  “Now you get some sleep y’hear.”

 

“Okay.”  Brady closed his eyes.  “Dad?”

 

“Yeah Brady?”

 

“Is Kristen gonna be my new mom?”  His voice was so quiet that for a moment John wondered if he had misheard.

 

“Maybe.  We’ll see.  What made you ask that?”

 

“Kristen told me.”  Brady mumbled.

 

“Is that right.”  John frowned.

 

“Dad?”  He was fighting sleep now. “Do you love Belle’s mom?”

 

“Why Brady?”  John was taken aback.

 

“Ohh,” he yawned.  “Belle’s mom loves you.  Belle said.”  John looked at his small son in shock.  He opened his mouth to question him and then shut it again.  Any explanations would have to wait until the morning, for Brady was fast asleep.

Chapter 4:  Mistakes….

Marlena sat in the darkened bedroom.  The clock glowed reproachingly in the darkness.  It was two-thirty and sleep seemed no closer.  Every time she closed her eyes the nights events replayed across her eyelids, rewinding and fast-forwarding like an out-of-control video player.  Eugene, Kristen, John, Eugene….

 

She hit the pillow with a cry of frustration.  

 

She sat for a couple of moments and then slipped out of bed.  Collecting her robe, she went into the kitchen and switched the jug on.  Going to open the fridge she paused and grinned at Belle’s latest artistic effort on the fridge.  She wished Belle was here.  She had missed her so much she wanted to spend every single minute she could with her beautiful daughter.  Taking a carton out of the fridge she made a pot of tea and sat at the table.  Putting her chin in her hand she looked out of the window.  The moon cast shadows over the street, but it didn’t hold the answers she searched for.  

 

She started as she heard a soft noise at the door.  She turned around to see Q.

 

“Can’t sleep?”  She asked quietly.

 

“Uh-uh.” He shook his head.  “Today has been rather unusual.”  She patted the seat next to her and he joined her at the table.  

 

“Cup of tea?”  He nodded his head, and she got another cup.  They sat in companionable silence for a while.  Eventually Q broke the stillness.

 

“You, told me about how you and Roman came back to Salem.  But what happened after that?”  His probing was gentle but insistent.  “Obviously Roman isn’t here and tension between you and John is plain to see.”

 

Marlena closed her eyes.  They’d had a discussion earlier about her return to Salem and she’d hoped then that she’d avoided the question of her relationship with John, but obviously he wasn’t going to let it go so easily.

 

 She took a breath and began.  “When I returned, John, we still thought he was Roman then, was engaged to Isabella.  John and I found Roman and when we discovered that it really was him, things were thrown into a turmoil.  When it finally settled down, I think John and I fell into our former relationships almost by default.  Isabella was pregnant and Roman wanted to come back and carry on his life as if nothing had happened.  John and I… both tried to fool ourselves into thinking we were happy with the situation.”  She played with the ring on her finger.  “It all started to fall apart when Isabella died.  John was in such pain, and I just wanted to help him.  Things started to get complicated between us and John decided to go to Europe.”  She let out a breath and turned her pain filled eyes to him.  “I couldn’t let him go.  I felt like he was taking a part of me and that I’d never be fully alive again.  I went to the airport and found him on his plane.  One thing led to another…..”  Her voice cracked.  “I’ve made so many bad decisions.  I never wanted to hurt anyone.”  

 

The tears began to fall.  Q took her hand in his.

 

“Don’t regret what you cannot change Marlena.  You followed your heart and that is not a crime.”  She used her free hand to wipe her face.

“It may not be a crime Eugene, but what John and I did hurt a lot of people.  I betrayed Roman’s trust and Sami’s too.”  She was still, letting the undercurrent of their history trickle between them.  “I fell pregnant and I didn’t know who’s child I was carrying.”

 

“John’s?”  Q’s question was almost rhetorical.  Marlena nodded, wrapping her hands around the teacup. She let the tears fall and they were absorbed into the softness of her robe.

 

“She was the only good thing to come out of the whole sorry mess.”  She sniffed and then shivered, the cool evening air seemingly invasive against her skin.

 

“And so…?”  Q wanted to know how this story had played out.  Particularly in light of what had happened this evening.

 

“And so,”  Marlena’s breath caught, as though the painful memories were blocking her throat, unwilling to let the words pass.  The moment faded and she was free of the constriction again.  “And so, Roman found out and he left.  John moved on with his life and…”  She faltered. “And here I am.”

 

“And you still love John?”

 

“With all my heart and soul.  But what difference does it make?”  Bitterness seeped through Marlena’s voice.  “You saw how it is.  He’s with her and they’re having a child.”

 

“But if he loves you too?  Have you told him how you feel?”  Q was insistent.

 

“I tried, in Paris.  Stefano almost killed him and I told him then.”  She recalled Stephano’s twisted ‘court’ and grimaced. “But afterward it was if it never happened.  I just have to accept that he doesn’t feel the same way.  His feelings for me have changed.”

 

“I wouldn’t be entirely sure about that.”  Q’s recollection of John’s eyes as he looked at Marlena told a different story.

 

“What’s the point in even discussing it?”  Her temper was wearing a little thin.  “He’s engaged to Kristen and they’re having a child.”

 

“So, you’re the martyr?!”  Q couldn’t believe it.  He remembered Marlena as being one of the strongest people he’d known.  He couldn’t quite reconcile that with what he was hearing now.  It was obvious that things were wrong.  “You’re so concerned about keeping everyone else happy, you’re sacrificing your own happiness”

 

“I *hurt* everyone else in my pursuit of my own need.”  Marlena slammed her hand down on the table.

 

“And you’ve been punishing yourself ever since.”  Q shook his head.  “Open your eyes, Marlena.”

 

The tears began to spill, and she found she couldn’t stop them.  “I can’t Eugene.  I can’t do it…”  She stood and practically ran from the room.  Q watched her go.  He scowled on considering what she had told him.  He was beginning to comprehend the reason he had been dispatched back to Salem.  

 

Somehow, he didn’t think his (not inconsiderable) powers of persuasion alone could Sort This Out.  Not with Stefano DiMera and that Kristen woman involved.

Marlena threw herself on her bed and sobbed until the tears wouldn’t come anymore.  The worst thing was that Eugene was right.  She should at least tell John about Kristen’s efforts to keep them apart.  Maybe I will.  Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow.  The thoughts in her head kept re-processing, but eventually they were replaced by a blessed, dreamless sleep.

******

John took the elevator to the penthouse.  When he’d picked Brady up at ten o’clock Belle had already gone.  Brady hadn’t been able to impart much more information that the night before.  He did say that Belle had insisted that her mom had told her.  He could imagine her saying that and his eyes crinkled at the thought.  The elevator stopped and he walked to Marlena’s door.  He raised his hand to knock but paused when he heard a raised voice that he recognized as being Eugene’s.  Before he could do anything, Eugene’s voice was followed by a piercing scream.

 

“Oh my God, Belle!”  John shouted her name and in one movement he opened the door and ran into the kitchen.  Belle was screaming, a saucepan lay nearby, and the floor was covered in water.  Q was standing by with a horrified expression on his face.

 

“Don’t just stand there, man!”  John swooped and lifted his baby girl into his arms.  He turned back to the doorway as he heard Marlena.  She stood, steadying herself against the jamb, wild-eyed as she surveyed the scene.  John saw the panic in her eyes.

 

“Doc, we’ve got to get her under some cold water, quick.”  He motioned toward the bathroom.  

 

“Start running a cold bath.”  She nodded wordlessly; her face streaked with tears.  She ran to the bathroom with John following close behind.  “Gene, make yourself useful and call an ambulance!”  He called back to the kitchen.

 

In the bathroom he didn’t wait for the bath but turned on the shower.  He climbed into it still holding the shrieking Belle, both of them fully clothed.

 

“Shh baby it’s all right, Daddy’s here.”  he tried to soothe her as the water ran down her face and body in rivulets.  The redness indicative of hot water scalds already ran in a swathe from her face down the left side of her body.  He peeled off her wet dress and beckoned for Marlena to hold her while he divested himself of his now-ruined leather jacket.  After a couple of minutes Belle’s screams subsided to moans. 

 

Seeing that the bath was full John lifted her out of the shower and submerged her body in the bath.  He held her there while her mother gently scooped up the water and ran it over the red patch on her little face.  John’s tears mingled with the water dripping off his hair.  “Oh, Belle, sweetheart.”  He tried to comfort her as best he could.  Marlena stifled a sob, and he raised his eyes until they locked with hers.  “Doc, what the hell?”  He smothered his anger, but she could see the accusation in his eyes.  She cast her eyes down.  she had no answer for him.  John opened his mouth to speak again but he was curbed by the sound of the paramedics.  They quickly had her in the ambulance and Marlena traveled with her to the hospital.

John remained behind and as he faced Q his fury was evident.  “Okay, what the hell happened here?”  

 

Q quickly explained.  Belle had been making a nuisance of herself and he had snapped at her.  In her fright she had backed into the oven and the saucepan had overbalanced.  He paused but there was no immediate response from John.

 

“I’m sorry Ro-, John.”  He corrected himself.  This swapping of names was a little disconcerting.  “It was completely unintentional.  I had no idea she’d get such a fright.”

 

“Yeah well, you’d better pray that she’s okay.”  John’s tone was almost menacing.  He exhaled noisily.  “Look, I think you’d better come to the hospital with me.”

 

“Sure.”  Q acceded easily.  John was obviously suspicious as well as angry and Q was sure he’d caused enough trouble already.

******

 

Marlena paced the floor of the waiting room.  They had taken Belle straight into the Emergency Room while she was forced to wait outside.  She couldn’t believe it.  She’d only left them for a *minute*.  Her mind backtracked to Laura’s warning the previous evening.  “…are you really willing to take that risk with Belle around?”  She had and now….  Her mind whirled.  The pain on Belle’s face and the screams she felt sure would haunt her forever.  Eugene’s expression of contrition and John’s of recrimination.  He was right.  It was her fault.  She had taken a chance with Belle’s safety and now her baby was paying the price.

 

She started as she heard the door.  It was Laura.  “Marlena, I just heard.  How is she?”

 

“I don’t know, I’m waiting for Mike to finish.”  She shrugged her shoulders painfully and glanced out of the window.  “Well, you were right Laura.”  Her voice was tired and flat.

 

“About what?”  Laura put her hand on Marlena’s shoulder.  Marlena turned, her eyes bright with grief.

 

“It was Eugene who was with her.”  She shrugged off Laura’s attempt at comfort. “I’ll have to do what I should have done in the first place.”  

 

“I’ll take care of the paperwork.”  Laura offered with sympathy.  “You don’t have to be involved.”

******

Kristen slammed down the receiver.  All she had been able to get out of Brady’s nanny was that John had gone out.  Where the hell was he?  She had to find him and repair any damage that had been done last night.  She jumped as the phone trilled beneath her hand.  She picked it up quickly and snapped out a greeting.  It was Shawn.

 

“Kristen honey, there’s been an accident.”

 

“Oh god, not John!”

 

“No, no it’s little Belle.  She had some boiling water knocked over her.  They’re at the hospital now 

and we’re on our way over there.”  He sounded rushed.

 

“Oh, that’s awful.”  Kristen did her best to sound the concerned step-mother to be. “Thanks for phoning Shawn.  I’ll see you there.”

 

“Right you are.”  The line at the other end clicked to end the conversation.  Kristen put the receiver back in it’s cradle and tapped it with her fingernail.  A smile slowly made its way across her face.  This could be used to her advantage.  If she played it right.

 

Chapter 5:  …and serious conseQuenses.

Q followed John into the hospital but stayed at a distance.  John located Marlena fairly quickly and inquired as to Belle’s condition.  She was still waiting for Mike Horton’s assessment, and she told him so.  He gave her face a quick searching look and then walked away.  She debated whether or not to follow him, but it became irrelevant as he walked back to her.

 

“What did you think you were doing leaving her with him?”  He demanded angrily.

 

“I was only gone for a minute.”  Marlena defended herself.

 

“Well, that’s all it took.”

 

“It was an accident John!”

 

“Tell that to Belle.”  He picked up a paper cup and squashed it in the palm of his hand.  “How could you be so careless Doc?”

 

“I wasn’t careless.”  Marlena spat back.  “Eugene is a friend and I trusted him.  Maybe that trust was misplaced and I’m sorry for that.”

 

“And meanwhile our girl is lying in a hospital bed.”  He was finding it hard to suppress his anger and worry.

 

“So I’m a bad mother, is that it?”  Marlena’s temper was rising to match John’s.

 

“Well perhaps if you spent a bit more time with her-” John wanted to take back the word as soon as he’d blurted them out.  He saw the hurt in her eyes.  She couldn’t trust herself to say anything and swung back to the window, folding her arms across her front.  “Look, Doc-” John was interrupted by the sound of the door.  They both faced Mike.

 

“How is she?”  Marlena was the first to venture the question.

 

“We’ve reduced the pain.” He offered.  “Look, to be honest, she’s got extensive burns right down her left side.  The best thing we can do for her now is to send her across to the Burns Unit.  They can ascertain the damage and determine a course of action.”

 

“Mike, is she likely to be scarred?” John was tentative, almost as if he didn’t want to know the answer.

 

“I can’t really say John.”  Mike hated this part of his job, especially when they were his friends.  “You did a good job getting her under cold water but she is very young and her skin is delicate.  The Burns Unit will be able to give you a better idea than I can.”

 

“Can I see her?”  Marlena pleaded.

 

“I’ve got a couple of things to organize.  I’ll send in a nurse in a minute.”  He attempted a smile but seeing the anguish in their faces he left quietly.  Marlena dropped heavily onto the couch and buried her face in her hands.  John watched her for a moment and then busied himself pouring coffee.

*****

Laura put down the receiver.  Everything was arranged.  All she had to do now was find him and get him there.  She walked out of her office and made her way down to the lounge where Marlena was waiting.  She stopped when she saw Q sitting in a chair outside the door.  The sooner this was over, the better.  She straightened her jacket and curled her lips into a smile that she hoped looked friendly.

 

“Eugene.  I heard what happened.  How are you doing?”

 

He observed her for a moment and then narrowed his eyes.  “What do you want Dr Horton.  Have you come to tell me what a bad boy I’ve been?  I wouldn’t bother.”

 

“Not at all.”  His tone infuriated Laura but she had to get him to trust her.  “We all make mistakes.  Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

 

“Look Doctor, I know you mean well but please, I’m quite happy here wallowing in self-pity.”  He gestured to the door.  “I think you’d be more use in there.”

 

“That’s not a very constructive way to deal with what you’re feeling Eugene.”  She was trying to be sympathetic, but it was exceedingly hard.  He was obnoxious and arrogant, and she wondered what Marlena saw in him.

 

He glared at her.  “I don’t *feel* like being constructive.  This is just another proof in point of what a wretched human being I make.”  He lifted his eyes to the ceiling.  “Why don’t you just strike me down now?”

 

“Okay.” Laura conceded.  “Obviously you don’t want my help, but I did promise Marlena I’d find you somewhere else to stay.  So, I think it would be best if you left them to it and came with me.”

Q considered the door.  “Would you allow me just a moment to apologize to Dr Evans?” He requested.  She nodded as he stood and braced himself mentally.  He knocked on the door and entered the room.  He cleared his throat and they both turned their attention to him.

 

“Uh, I just wanted to let you both know how sorry I am.”  He looked down at his hands.  “I know this was my fault and I…”

 

“Eugene,” Marlena interjected in a quiet voice.  “It’s all right.”  He looked at her in surprise.  Humans could be such disconcerting creatures.

 

“How is she?”

 

“She’s comfortable..” Marlena faltered and Laura took the opportunity to intercede.

 

“Eugene.”  She motioned to the door.  He nodded and followed her out.

“So, what’s the story with ol’ ‘Gene there?”  John questioned.  “What was with that Q thing last night?”  

 

Marlena filled her cheeks and puffed the air out.  “He’s a little mixed up.  He didn’t know who he was.  He was claiming he had some kind of supernatural power.”  

 

John’s expression conveyed his amazement.  “But he snapped out of it right?  I mean you called him Eugene there.”

 

“Well, not entirely.”  Marlena could be nothing but honest with John.  “He remembered that he *used* to be Eugene but he’s still convinced he’s part of this Q ‘continuum’ and that he’s immortal.”

 

“Oh god Doc!  And you invited him to stay with you?”  John said exasperatedly.  

 

Marlena stood; her face flushed with indignation.  “He is my friend, and I wasn’t about to leave him wandering the streets.”

 

“So, why didn’t you put him in a hotel for the night?”

 

“I made a judgment.  And he made a mistake.  A mistake John and you’d crucify him for it.”  She put her hands on her hips.

 

“While you’d absolve him of it.”  John was bitter.  She glared at him. 

 

Neither of them heard the door open.  Kristen cleared her throat to get their attention.  Their faces were stony as they looked at her.  It looked as though she wasn’t going to have to do anything at all for this to be advantageous to her.

 

“Shawn called.  I came down as soon as I heard.”  She faced Marlena with what she hoped appeared as compassion.  “You must feel awful.  Is there anything I can do for you?”  

 

Kristen’s presence was the last straw for Marlena. “Yes, there is.”  She scowled at Kristen.  “Get out of here and leave me alone.”

******

Laura steered the car up the long drive.  She hadn’t told Q where they were headed.  The likelihood of him agreeing was pretty minimal.  They’d hardly talked during the trip out.  She glanced over at him and noted that his eyes were still closed.  He didn’t open them until they pulled up in front of the main steps.

 

“Where are we?”  he asked.

 

“It’s just a place to stay for a few days until everything’s calmed down.”

 

He nodded and got out of the car.  Looking around him he followed Laura up to the entrance.  A nurse greeted them at the door and Laura handed her the paperwork.  The nurse motioned to an orderly.  “Would you show Mr. Bradford to his room please Harold.”  The orderly nodded and took Q by the arm.

“Just a minute.”  Q pulled his arm away.  “What is going on here?”

 

“I’m sorry Eugene, but it’s for your own good.”  Laura patted him on the arm.  “You’ll be fine in no time.”

 

“But there’s nothing wrong with me.”  Q’s mind was whirring.  He looked around again and suddenly he realized.  “This is a loony bin.  You think I’m crazy.”  He paused for a moment and then smiled.  

 

“You can’t do this.  I know you can’t.”  He waved his finger at her.  “You need *two* signatures.”  His grin was triumphant.

 

“I *do* have two signatures.”  Laura was quietly regretful.  Q’s grin was replaced by a look of uncertainty and then a pained expression.

 

“Marlena?”  He asked disbelievingly.

Chapter 6:   A couple of Q’s answered

Kristen stared at Marlena, the shock registering clearly on her face.  Shooting a hurt look at John she left the room.  Marlena ignored John and folding her arms over the back of the chair she buried her face in them.  He closed his eyes briefly and tried to work out what to do.  He knew he had been unfair to her before but that didn’t excuse her behaviour toward Kristen.  He knew Kristen was only trying to help but Marlena evidently couldn’t or wouldn’t see how concerned she was.  He stood, with a drawn frown, but before he could go after Kristen a nurse entered the room and informed them that they could see Belle.  Marlena rose and followed the nurse, mute and still ignoring John.

 

Belle looked tiny in the hospital bed.  She lay pale, her blonde hair fanned over the pillow.  On the left side of her face and as far as they could see down her body the burns were covered by white gauze.  She had been heavily sedated and hardly knew they were there.  Marlena sat on the edge of the bed and took Belle’s good hand in hers.

 

“Belle, sweet girl,” she cooed, “Mommy and Daddy are here.”

 

Belle opened her eyes with effort. “Mommy,” she mumbled, still groggy from the painkillers.

 

“Shhh, it’s all right sweetheart.”  Marlena did her best to sound re-assuring.

 

“Hey Belle baby, you’re gonna be just fine.”  John wasn’t sure that it was true, but he had to put on a brave face for both Belle and Marlena.  She stirred and her lashes fluttered for a moment before she fell back into her drug-induced slumber.  They sat for a moment, just watching her until their reverie was interrupted by Mike.

 

“She’s not in any pain at the moment,” he reassured them. “We just have to prep a couple of things, so if you’d like to wait in the lounge for a few minutes, then you can accompany her over to the Unit.”

 

Marlena nodded.  She still wasn’t inclined to talk to John and made her way out of the room quickly. 

 

 He caught up with her however and putting his hand on her shoulder he pulled her around to face him.

 

“Marlena, I know you’re upset, but there really wasn’t any call to talk to Kristen like that.”  

 

She gave an ironic laugh.  “So *I’ve* upset Kristen.”

 

“Look, I know I was hard on you in the lounge.  I was worried.  I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

 

“Hurt doesn’t even begin to cover it, John.  Do you honestly think I’d knowingly put Belle in danger?  She’s everything to me.  She’s all I have right now and…”  The tears filled her eyes again.  Damn it, she was *so* tired of crying.

 

“I know Doc, I’m really sorry.  I had no right to say those things to you, but you shouldn’t have talked to Kristen like that either.”  He tried to convince her.  “After all she’s been through…”

 

“To tell you the truth John,” Marlena pulled her hair back from her face and squared off at him, “I couldn’t care less about Kristen at the moment.  If you care so much, go and find her and leave me alone.”  With that, she whirled around and marched down the hall.  John closed his eyes in frustration.  

 

Well, that went *really* well.

******

Q stood at the window.  The outlook was a lush, green, late summer vista.  He didn’t really care.  All he wanted to do was get out of this madhouse.  It had taken him a while to accept that Marlena had a part in this intrigue, but now he had, he could see the rationalization behind it.

 

Twentieth century humans were totally oblivious to the fact that they shared the universe with other beings.  How could he expect a mere human to understand the extent of the infinite power of the Q.?  Especially when he was unable to demonstrate.  It would be only too easy for them to think he was crazy, rather than accept the impossibility that he was, in fact, telling the truth.  Q smiled to himself.  There were certain humans, albeit a few centuries removed who *knew* he was immortal, but still thought he was crazy.  But all this was beside the point.  He had to get out of here and he had to do it fast.  “Things are afoot,” he murmured to himself.  Things that he wasn’t entirely sure were part of the ‘grand scheme of things’, as humans so sickeningly put it.

 

He ran his hand along the window ledge in contemplation.  The dust floated up and swirled in the afternoon sunlight before settling again on the surface.  He passed his hand across his forehead and sat dejectedly in the armchair in the corner of the room.  

 

“Any suggestions?”  The vacant space had no reply for him.  “Well,” he shrugged, “I can’t do much in here.”  Still there was no answer.  “How exactly am I supposed to take care of whatever is wrong when I don’t know what it is and I have no way of getting out of this,” he looked around in distaste, “dump.”

 

“Now, now Q.”  A voice spoke from the bed. “It’s perfectly adequate.”

 

Q rolled his eyes.  “If you’re mad enough to think that you *belong* here.”  A smile slowly crept across his countenance as he saw a body forming on the bed.  “Q,” he greeted the other individual warmly. “How nice of you to drop by.”  

 

Q2 lay on the bed, his head propped up by his hand.  “Don’t get too excited Q,” he admonished.  “You know if it was up to me I’d be more than likely to leave you here.”  He looked around him and nodded with satisfaction.  “Very fitting I think.”

 

“But it’s not up to you is it?”  Q’s eyebrows rose slightly.

 

“Alas, no.”  Q2 sat up against the wall and crossed his legs.  “I once again have the *inestimable* pleasure of keeping an eye out for the asinine situations you get yourself into.  And here we are.”  

He smiled sweetly.  Q started to open his mouth but Q2 held up his hand.  “Honestly Q.  Did you think they’d believe you?”

 

“Well…”  Q shrugged.

 

“And how is it that you can forget a town and people you spent that much time with?”

 

“It was a few years.  Q argued.  “Four hundred years ago.”

 

“Most of us remember our pre-continuum assignments.”  Q2 scolded.  ‘It’s supposed to teach you things Q.  Obviously you didn’t learn an awful lot.”

 

Q scowled.  “It was a *long* time ago.  And that’s beside the point Q.  What I need to know is why I’m *back*, and what I’m supposed to do about it.”

“You are on the right track there.  But it’s a little more complicated than we originally thought.  Are you comfortable?  This could take a while.”  Q nodded and Q2 crossed his arms.  “Right.  We’ve been looking at this closely for a while and it’s come to the point where we can no longer sit back.  We have to actively intervene.  This time-line has been severely compromised.”

 

“So?”  Q shook his head.  “Happens all the time.  Time/space distortions.  Why is this any different?”

“The point is that it’s not been compromised by a ‘what’.  It’s a ‘who’ that we’re concerned about.  Someone has been screwing with the lives of these people and it has to stop.”

 

“Stefano DiMera.”  Q muttered.

 

“Right.”  Q2 confirmed Q’s assessment.  “It wouldn’t be a problem in itself, but we overlooked one vital fact.  Stefano DiMera used to be Q too.”

 

“What?”  Q had not bargained for this.

 

“He was expelled from the Continuum before you were initiated.  Unfortunately, he managed to retain some of his Q powers.”

 

“The Phoenix.” Q mused.  “That’s what he calls himself.”

 

“Uh-huh.”  Q2 nodded. “He keeps rising again and he never should have been *hatched* in the first place.”

 

“Well then,” Q thought on the revelations for a moment, “what should be happening in the correct time-line?”

 

“As far as we can ascertain,” Q2 stood and looked at the trees, their leaves fluttering in the light breeze, “the biggest problem is with regards to Dr. Marlena Evans and Mr. John Black.  In the correct timeline, they would be married.”

 

“Just a moment.”  Q halted his informant.”  If Stefano hadn’t been here Marlena never would have met John Black and she would still be married to Roman Brady.”

 

“Oh no she wouldn’t.”  Q2 cocked his head to one side, the sun creating a golden halo through his blonde hair.  “It was her fate to meet John Black.  It would have been a little later, but he would have been drawn to Salem eventually.  By that stage Roman Brady would have been history.  Dr Evans never would have stood for his overbearing behaviour all those years if they’d stayed in Salem.  John and Marlena would have married.  Their little girl is in the original time-line.”  He saw Q flinch.  “Ah, that’s right.”  He clicked his tongue.”  I heard what you did Q.  Shame on you.”

 

Q glared at him.  “I know character assassination is your hobby Q, but it was an accident.”

 

“Dear Q, you don’t have much character left to assassinate.” Q2 laughed.  “But we digress, that child is inconsequential.”

 

“I wouldn’t let Dr Evans hear you say that.”  Q muttered.

 

“Pay attention Q.”  Q2 exhaled.  “There’s another in Salem who should not be there.”  Q raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Kristen Blake.  Otherwise known as DiMera.”  Q2 allowed his lip to curl up in a sneer.  “Rather unpleasant foster daughter of Stefano.”

 

“I’ve met her.”  Q let his aversion to the woman mingle with Q2’s unspoken distaste.

******

Marlena dashed down the hall.  She could taste the saltiness of her tears and they obscured her vision of the corridor ahead.  Still, she had to get away from John before she said something she would really regret.  She rounded the corner and clipped the arm of someone heading the other way.  She stopped to offer an apology but was stilled by a hand on her arm.

 

“Marlena. “  Carrie’s voice was soft.  “Are you okay?”  Marlena wiped away the tears with the back of her hand and numbly nodded at her stepdaughter.  Carrie took Her hand and drew her into an empty office.  “What’s wrong?”  She sat Marlena down in a chair and pulled up another beside her.

 

“Belle-” Marlena couldn’t bring herself to carry on.

 

“I know about Belle.  Granpa rang us.”  She squeezed Marlena’s hand.  “I was just coming to find you.”  Marlena couldn’t meet Carrie’s eyes.  If she really knew what happened…….

 

“Marlena.  What is it?”  Carrie’s concern was growing.  “It’s not just Belle is it.”  

 

Marlena took a deep breath and slowly shook her head.  She instinctively clenched her fists and then raised her head.  “I had an argument with John.”  Her voice wavered.  “He thinks it was my fault that Belle was burnt.”

 

“That’s ridiculous!”  Carrie sounded indignant.

 

“No.  You see Carrie, he’s right.”  Carrie heard Marlena’s sharp intake of breath and could see her struggle to keep from weeping again.

 

“Why is he right?”  she asked gently.  Marlena stood and leaned on the desk in front of her.

 

“I left her with a friend I had staying with me last night,” she sobbed.  “It was just a moment Carrie, but that’s all it took.”

 

“What happened?”  Carries brows knitted.

 

“He yelled at her.  There was a pot of water on the stove and apparently it overbalanced when she backed into it.”

“Well, how is it your fault?”  Carrie asked, her tone betraying her confusion.  Marlena turned to face her.  

 

“The friend that I had to stay-” her misery was plain to see.  “It was Eugene Bradford.  He’s pretty unstable at the moment and I should have never invited him to stay with Belle there.”

 

“Did you think that he was dangerous?”

 

“Well, not when I asked him to stay,” she admitted.  “But I’m a psychiatrist.  I’m supposed to be able to pick up things like that.”  Her face was etched with all the grief and suffering that she had been through.  Carrie wondered, not for the first time, how she could be so strong.

 

“Marlena, yelling at Belle hardly qualifies him for psychopath of the year.  You’re a psychiatrist.  Not a fortune teller.”  She got up and put her hand on Marlena’s arm.  “It sounds to me like it was an unfortunate accident and John has no right to tell you otherwise.” 

 

Marlena’s smile was still watery, but her gratitude was evident.  “You’re a very wise young lady Carrie Brady.”  Carrie threaded her arm around Marlena’s waist.  “I must have had a good role model.  Now, shall we go and see my baby sister?”

******

The sunlight was fading in the room as Q switched on the light.  He had chosen to have his dinner in his room and the meal sat, largely untouched on the table.

 

“All right.  You can come back now.”  Q sat down in front of the unappetizing food again.  Q2’s human form resolved in the armchair that Q had been sitting in earlier.  He looked at the food and wrinkled his nose.

 

“One of the joys of being human I suppose,” he said sarcastically.

 

“One of the only.”  Q pushed the tray away as his stomach betrayed him with it’s queasiness again.  

“When it’s done properly,” he added.

 

“Where were we?”  Q2 crossed his foot over his knee and looked amusedly at his legs.  “Humans.  Limited aren’t they?”

 

“You don’t know the half of it.”  Q’s chair screeched as he pulled it around.  “Kristen Blake DiMera.  I believe that’s where we were.”

 

“Ah yes.”  Q2 pulled himself back up in the chair and planted both his feet back on the ground.  “Ms. DiMera is a problem.  She’s Stefano’s foster child and has inherited his deviousness.  As such she could cause a few difficulties.”

 

“She is pregnant.”  Q informed his co-Q.

 

“Yeeees.”  Q2 was thoughtful.  “I believe there was a hypnotic device which she used to brainwash John Black into sleeping with her.  Strange though that she managed to conceive her spawn so soon after a miscarriage.”  Q smiled in spite of himself.  He could almost like Kristen.  Her perverseness was astounding.  However, Q2’s warning look killed the smile stone-dead. 

 

“I know.  Timeline.  Etcetera.”  he enunciated.  His smile crept back but with a touch of warmth.  

 

“Besides.  I do have a soft spot for the lady doctor.”  Q2 stood and walked over to the table.  He perched on the corner and leaned over so his eyes were directly level with Q’s.

 

“Well, you’re not going to get much accomplished here, are you Q?”

 

“No.  You’re quite right Q, I’m not.”  Q eyed his counterpart.  “If this mission is so important, the Continuum is going to have to deliver.” 

 

 Q2 smiled slyly.  “Deliver what Q?”

 

“Well, like you said Q.  I can’t do much stuck in here.”  Q bared his teeth in an approximation of a smile.  

 

Q2 narrowed his eyes and straightened his torso.  “I’ll state your case.”  He grinned.  “I might be back soon.  If you’re lucky.”

Chapter 7:  Apologies for Some

Kristen looked at her watch.  Where was John now?  Surely it couldn’t take him *that* long to find her.  Perhaps she hadn’t done a good enough job of looking wounded.   The truth be known, she had been amazed and shocked at Marlena’s outburst.  All she’d had to do was convey that to John and she was sure she’d done that perfectly adequately.  Marlena had played right into her hands….

 

Footsteps clicked in the hushed cafe.  She was still, not daring to turn and see if it was him.  A hand brushed down the back of her hair and John planted a kiss on the top of her head.

 

“How you doin’ honey?”  He sat in the seat next to her and took her hand in his.  She met his eyes finally and nodded, almost imperceptibly.  “Look I’m sorry about what happened in there.  She’s pretty upset, and I wasn’t helping.”

 

“I only wanted to help John.  To be there for her.”  Her voice sounded plaintively in the empty room.

 

“I know sweetheart,” he cupped her cheek with his hand, “and it was very sweet of you.”

 

“How is Belle?”  Kristen decided it was time to play concerned mom-to-be.

 

“Not so good.”  John’s voice was husky.  “They’re going to transfer her to the Burns Unit.  She may need surgery.”  He gulped and Kristen squeezed his hands tightly.

 

“She’ll be okay John.  She’s a strong girl.”  She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.  “Just like her dad.”  John struggled for a smile and then patted her stomach.  

 

“And her little brother or sister.”  He stood and pulled her up.  “C’mon, let’s go see if she’s been moved yet.”

 

As they walked down the hall John found his mind not on the woman next to him.  Or on his baby daughter but drawn back to Marlena and the pain on her face as he’d, in effect, called her a bad mother.  For a day which had started off with so much promise, he had certainly made a mess of things.

******

Sami turned the corner.  She held Will tightly in her arms and looked cautiously through the door.  The doctor at the Unit had put Belle in a private room to enable them to more effectively control her pain.  She was in a cot, the sides of which had been lowered, permitting Marlena to sit on the bed.  Carrie sat on a chair next to the bed and she held Marlena’s hand.

 

“Happy Families.”  Sami muttered.  Will squirmed as she held him.  She shifted him slightly, adjusted his top and stroked his cheek.  “Don’t worry little guy.  I won’t let anything like this happen to you.”  She kissed the top of his head.  Peering through the door again she was rewarded with the sight of Carrie standing and hugging Marlena.  Sami scooted back around the corner and waited.  She was still avoiding Carrie after the Paris fiasco and she wasn’t prepared to meet up with her just yet. 

 

 

As soon as Will had been found, Carrie and Austin had slipped away and secretly married.  She had been forced to fly home with them after they had come back from their brief honeymoon in Provence.  They had been sickeningly simpering all the way home, sitting in the seats in front of her and Marlena.  She finally had to face the fact that Austin would never be hers and it devastated her.  She’d spent most of her time since their return holed up in her apartment, her misery compounded by the squalor she had chosen to live in.  Her mother had offered a room in the penthouse, but Sami’s pride wouldn’t let her accept.  Not then anyway.  Perhaps if Marlena offered now – especially in light of the mouse dropping Sami had found in the cupboard this morning.  She shook her head.  The last thing she wanted to think about was Carrie and Austin.  Not when Belle was lying in a hospital bed.

 

Carrie was gone and Sami quietly slipped through the open door.  She watched Marlena watching the child in the bed.  She used to look at me like that.  She choked the bitterness down.  She was tired of making the effort to be angry with her mother.  It took too much energy and she had to channel that into other areas at the moment.  Her shoes sounded muffled on the hospital linoleum as she walked over to the bed.

 

“Mom?”  Sami’s greeting was a simple statement.  Marlena looked up at her daughter and smiled a tired, drawn smile.

 

“Sami, how are you?”

 

“Okay.  How’s Belle.”  Sami didn’t feel able to open up just yet and by the looks of Marlena, she wasn’t in any state to deal with it if her daughter did.

 

“She’s sleeping.”  It was the most positive thing Marlena could find to say at that particular moment.  Since she had arrived at the Unit the doctors had been avoiding the issue of the amount of scarring Belle might sustain.  She knew from experience that it wasn’t a good sign when doctors wouldn’t commit themselves.  “You just missed your sister.”  She changed the subject.  

 

Sami sat in the chair which was still warm from Carrie’s body.  “I know,” she said simply.  Marlena looked at her but swiftly turned back to Belle.  She wasn’t willing or able to get involved in Sami and Carrie’s ongoing feud.  Not right at the moment.

 

They sat for several moments until Will’s grizzle broke the silence.  Sami shushed him and Marlena found herself smiling at her daughter’s natural way with the child.  Sami looked up unexpectedly to find she was being watched.  Her eyes connected with Marlena’s and the love and warmth she found there surprised and humbled her.  And she felt a little ashamed.

 

“You’re very good with him,” Marlena offered, fracturing the awkward moment.  

 

Sami’s smile was proud.  “I love him.”  She was silent for a moment and her expression sobered.  “Which is why I think it’s time I apologized to you Mom.”

 

“Apologize?”  Marlena was unsure what Sami was alluding to.  “For what?”  She saw Will was fidgeting and held out her arms to take her grandchild.  Sami gave him up willingly and then looked down at her feet as she tried to compose in her mind what to say.

“Mom,” she looked up, “when Will was missing, you were so good to me.”  She searched for and found acceptance in Marlena’s expression.  “You were there for me all the way and you never once brought up what happened with Belle.”  Marlena’s eyes softened as she understood what Sami was trying to say.

 

“You didn’t need to feel guilty on top of everything else.”

 

“But I did – I do,” she corrected.  “When you were with me all I could think about was that this was how you must have felt when Belle was gone.”  Tears brushed the fringes of her lashes and she paid close attention to the hem of her skirt.  “*I* did that to you and I never realized how much I hurt you.  Until it happened to me.”  Marlena watched her daughter with compassion.  She could understand Sami’s hurt and pain and she wished she could wipe them away for her.   But this was something Sami was going to have to come to terms with herself.

 

“Sami,” Marlena gently interceded.  “It did cross my mind to say something, but I was worried about Will too.  And I knew what you were going through.”

 

“Because I put you through it.”  Sami shook her head at the irony.  “You know, if you’d said something, I would have felt better.  Because at least I could have been angry at you.”  Marlena leant her head on one side.  

 

“Sami we all learn our own lessons in life.  We both know I’ve made my share of mistakes.  I’m not going to hold yours against you.”  She stroked Will’s hair.

 

“Why do you have to be so damned nice?”  Sami said angrily.  Marlena smiled responsively.  

“Because sweet girl,” she held out her hand, “I love you, and I could never hold a grudge against you.”  Sami looked at the outstretched hand, and slowly, fighting her tears, reached out to meet it.

******

Kristen reached for John’s hand and squeezed it, easing him out of his abstraction.  “You okay honey?”

 

“Yeah, I was just thinking about Belle.” He lied.  He was worried about Belle, but it wasn’t her he had on his mind.  The image of Marlena’s face kept creeping, unbidden into his mind, her hauntingly beautiful eyes filled with misery.  Misery that he’d put there.  He ran his hand over his face and bit forcefully on his lower lip.  One of these days Kristen was going to figure out that it wasn’t her or Belle that he spent his time thinking about.  He had to be careful.  He’d done enough to hurt her already.

 

Kristen smiled at him.  Inside however, she was seething.  Belle my a**.  She had to do something to drive a permanent wedge between him and that damned shrink and she was going to have to figure out what it was fairly quickly.

******

Carrie walked through the shopping precinct with a smile on her face.  Marlena had been there for her so many times.  When her own mother had been off gallivanting around Europe with not a thought to spare, Marlena had taken her place more than admirably.  It felt so good to be able to repay some of the love and kindness that she’d been shown by her stepmother.  Things had been so awful in the last year.  But finally, she could say she was happy.  She stopped and watched the way the light glanced off the facets of the diamonds in her ring.  She had a bond with Austin.  A bond stronger than Sami and all her scheming and Carrie *knew* now that it could never be broken.  

 

Her smile faded a little as she thought of Marlena.  Hers was almost a mirror situation of the one Carrie had found herself in with Austin and Sami.  She felt so bad about knowing all the awful things Kristen had done to keep Marlena and John apart, but not being able to tell John.  “Two of a kind.”  She murmured.  Switching her train of thought she looked at her watch and uttered a muffled expletive.  She was going to have to hurry if she wanted to make the board meeting in time.

 

A smile flitted across his face as the girl resumed her course.  Things were in the pipeline and this time there would be no hitches.  She turned the corner, and he stole a glance at the individual next to him.

 

“Patience, patience, he murmured.  “Things will happen soon enough and then we’ll all have what we desire.”

******

Sami entwined her arms around her mother’s waist and rested her head on Marlena’s shoulder.  Will was sleeping and Sami was sure he felt the peace between the two women.  The silence was companionable, and they watched Belle sleep.  Marlena yawned and Sami lifted her head.

 

“I didn’t sleep much last night.”  Marlena said by way of explanation.

 

“Any particular reason?”  Sami studied her face and noted the dark circles under her eyes and her pale, drawn skin.

 

“Kristen’s pregnant again.”

 

“Oh.”  Sami felt her mother’s pain, but she could understand Kristen too.  She would do *anything* to hold onto her man.  And knowing John’s feelings about his children, she might just succeed.

 

Belle stirred and they turned their attention to her.  Her eyelids fluttered and she gazed bleary-eyed at Marlena.  “Mommy,” she mumbled.

 

“It’s okay sweetheart.”  Marlena cooed.  “Mommy’s here.  So is Sami,” she added, squeezing Sami’s shoulder.  Sami drew her arms free and cupped Belle’s hand in hers.

 

“Hey little sister.”  Her cheeks were still moist as she leaned over and placed a careful kiss on Belle’s forehead.  “How you doing?”

 

Both blonde heads rose as they heard the clock of the door.  Marlena’s heart rose as she saw john’s face peer round the corner.  It sank again when Kristen followed, her hand firmly in his.

“How is she?”  John whispered.  Belle heard her father’s voice and rolled her head in his direction.  Her “Daddy” was almost inaudible.  “Hi li’l angel.”  His voice was soft and caressing as he took his hand from Kristen and brushed a strand of blonde hair from Belle’s eyes.  She tried to smile but the fog of unconsciousness took her father from her sight.  Sami stroked her hand as she slipped back into her narcosis.  John looked questioningly at Marlena.  

 

“No real news,” she answered.  

 

He nodded acceptingly and waved his hand at the door in a half-hearted gesture.  “Shawn and Caroline are waiting.”

 

“Oh, oh bring them in.”  The more people that were in the room the less chance there was that she’d have to speak to Kristen.  Or John.

 

He opened the door and invited the couple in but before anyone could say anything Mike entered the room, followed by Dr Brooker, the leading specialist in the Burns Unit.  Mike introduced him to John and Marlena, explaining that they were Belle’s parents.   He referred to his notes for a moment and then cleared his throat.

 

“Uh, Dr. Evans, Mr. Black.  I’ve examined Belle.”  He moved over to the bed to demonstrate.  “You did well with limiting the extent of the scalds but unfortunately there are two pieces of skin which are too badly burnt to heal on their own.”

 

“What does that mean doc?”  John asked, the strain evident on his face.  The doctor took a breath and continued.  “I’m afraid she’ll need surgery.  Several skin grafts should induce the wounds to heal.”  John looked desperately at Marlena as though she could shake her head and this nightmare would be over.

 

“You mean she’ll be scarred?”  She said with a supreme effort to keep her emotions in check.

“I’m afraid so, yes.”  Dr.  Brooker nodded regretfully.  There was never any way to break this news easily, especially when the child was so young.

 

“How bad will it be?”  Kristen asked

 

“It’s too early to tell that,” he replied.  “We’ll do our best.”  

 

“Thank you Doctor.”  Shawn spoke for the room of stunned people.  The doctor nodded and left quietly.  Mike followed him but stopped at the door.  

 

“I’m so sorry.”  He shared their grief for Belle.  “If there’s anything I can do….”  John lifted his hand slightly and nodded.  Mike conveyed his understanding with his expression and left, closing the door behind him.

 

Once again, they all focused their attention on Belle.  Caroline stifled a sob and Kristen gently placed her hand on the small of John’s back.  He felt eyes on him and lifted his to meet Marlena’s.  Her anguished look cut through him, but he felt powerless to say or do anything.  She looked at Belle and then at John with Kristen beside him.  Utter desolation washed through her.  It’s my fault and they all know it.  

Clamping her hand over her mouth she pushed herself off the bed and ran from the room.  Blindly she made her way to the small visitors lounge where she leaned against the wall and slowly slid down into a crumpled heap.  And she cried as if she’d never stop.

Chapter 8: Visitors

Q was lying on the bed in the dark when Q2 returned.  “You took your time.”  His tone was accusing.

 

“Afraid I wasn’t coming back Q?”  Q2 teased.  

 

“Not at all.”  Q was lying and he knew that Q was fully aware of this, but he wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of admitting it.  “Well?”

 

Q2 grinned and disappeared.  He reappeared at the end of Q’s bed in a cross-legged position.  Q pulled himself into a sitting position and leaned on the shoddily made headboard.  Q2 sniggered.  Q sighed and crossed his arms in front of him.  There was a crack, and the headboard gave way falling back to the wall.  Q feel with it.  Q2 laughed heartily.  

 

“You always were the court jester Q.”  He offered his hand, but Q declined it with a sneer and pulled himself upright.

 

“What did they say?” he enunciated slowly.  “Am I back in the Continuum or not?”

******

There was an astonished silence as the door slammed closed.  John took a step to follow her but was halted by Kristen’s hand on his arm.  Sami shot him a look of barely concealed disgust and giving Will to Caroline, she left the room in search of her mother.  She found her in the small waiting room, still sitting against the wall, the heels of her palms trying to stem the flow of tears.  

 

Sami crouched down beside her and insinuated her arm around Marlena’s shoulders.  Marlena turned in toward Sami and she held her, feeling more love and pain for her mother than she would have thought possible.  Motherhood had softened her in more than one way.  Finally, Marlena lifted her head.  Sami smiled a tentative smile and wiped the tears from Marlena’s cheek.

“C’mon Mom.  Let’s go home,” she urged quietly.  She patiently sat till Marlena gave a perceptible nod and then helped her to her feet.

 

They headed back to Belle’s room where Shawn and Caroline were waiting worriedly.  Upon entering the room Sami, with her arm still around Marlena’s waist, gave them a warning glance to keep quiet.  As Marlena kissed Belle’s head and whispered goodnight, Sami pulled her grandparents off to one side.  Taking Will from Caroline’s arms she asked quietly if they would take three of them home.

 

“Of course we will Sami.”  Caroline agreed immediately.  

 

“I’m going to stay the night.”  Sami told them.  “I’m a little worried about her.  After everything she’d been through this year, this is the last thing she needs.”  The older couple nodded, both more than a little surprised at this turnaround in Sami’s manner.

 

“Would you like us to go by your apartment so you can pick up some things for the night?”  Shawn asked thoughtfully.

 

“Thanks Granpa, that would be great.”  She swung back as she heard Marlena approaching.  She marveled again how quickly Marlena could compose herself and felt a touch of envy at how beautiful she was, even after all those tears.  She shook off the emotion before it took hold and reached for Marlena’s hand, carefully balancing Will on her hip.  “Granma and Granpa are taking up home,” she explained as she led Marlena to the door.  “Will and I are staying for the night and there’ll be no arguments.”  

******

The face of the second Q became serious.  “Not exactly.”

 

“What do you mean, not exactly?”  Q was becoming irritable.  He’d been in this room for *far* too long and having to stay here any longer was certainly not at the top of his list of preferred options.

 

“Q” Q2 steepled his fingers.  “The Continuum are not willing to reinstate you outright.  They feel that you should have to *prove* yourself first.”

 

“Prove myself!?”  Q’s face twisted into a sneer.  “Prove myself?”

 

“Why?  Don’t you think you’re up to it?”  Q2 smiled slyly.

 

“Give me my powers and I can do anything.”  Q answered carefully.

 

“My point exactly.”  Q2 unfolded his legs and swung them off the bed.  Standing up he continued in a more serious tone.  “The Continuum have decided to grant you limited powers for the time-being.”  

 

Q tried to speak but suddenly discovered that his vocal cords wouldn’t work.  Nice party trick Q.    He looked sullenly at Q2 who winked at him.

 

“As I said Q.  You’ll have limited powers.  Enough to get you out of this bind you are in but not a lot more.”  Q2 put his hands behind his back and crossed the room.  He contemplated the door for a moment and then paced back to face Q.  “You see Q, your challenge is to bring John and Marlena together.  In every sense.”  He smirked.  “The catch is that you can’t give away *anything* I have told you.  Now that shouldn’t be too hard.”

 

Famous last words.  Q thought gloomily.

******

Marlena lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.  She felt utterly exhausted, but once again sleep was eluding her.  Sami was in the next room where she had set up a porta-cot for Will.  She had been wonderful, Marlena reflected.  It was almost as if Paris had been a turning point for her.  The loss of her child had finally forced the child in her to grow up a little.  I certainly hope so.  Still, time would tell but Marlena could see the glimpses of the lovely young woman Sami could become if only she would let herself.

 

She propped herself up on one elbow and took a sip of water.  The sun had gone down hours ago, but the heat lingered as the summer weather did.  The room was dark and seemed unnaturally quiet, the silence reverberating in her ears.  She rolled over in the bed and turned on the radio.  Music spilled out of the speakers, and she lay her head back on the pillow losing her thoughts in the softness of the melody.  The song ended and another took its place, the two seamlessly melding together.  The acoustic guitar sounded rich, and Eric Clapton began to croon.

 

I can feel your body

when I’m lying in my bed

There’s too much confusion 

going round through my head

And it’s making me so angry 

to know that the flame still burns

 

John sat in the armchair in the living room.  He had left Kristen sleeping upstairs and had come down, giving into the insomnia.  The stereo softly hummed in the corner and John could not escape the significance of the words.

 

Lord why can’t I get over her

And when will I ever learn.

 

Old Love, Leave me alone

Old Love, Just go on home

 

Marlena slipped out of bed and padded over to the window.  The city was still, and she imagined she could see John’s loft from her vantage point.

 

I can see your face, yes

 but I know it ain’t real

Just an illusion 

caused by how I used to feel

 

John sat silently, a tear sliding down the curves of his cheek.

 

And it’s making me so angry 

I know now that the flame will always burn 

    (flame will always burn)

 

With her finger she traced a circle on the moisture that had collected on the window and then rubbed it out again with a trace of anger.

 

I ain’t ever going to get over her

know now that I’ll never learn

    (ever learn)

 

Old Love, Leave me alone

Old Love, Just go on home (go on home)

 

The guitar sounded resonantly in the empty room where he stood by the window.  He looked in the direction of her penthouse and he believed he could almost feel her presence.

 

Old Love, just go on home  (go on home)

 

He rested his forehead on the window as the piano took up the melody.

 

Old Love. Old Love.  

Old Love. Old Love.  Old Love.  Old Love (old love).

 

The words echoed inside his head which felt as hollow and spent as the rest of him.

 

Oooold Love.  Old Love….

 

The final notes were picked out.  Marlena reached out and tapped the off button on the radio.  The sound died and she dropped back onto the bed.  Her chest ached and she couldn’t shake the dull, empty feeling that was growing inside her.

John stared at Kristen’s sleeping body.  He knew he should get back into the bed, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.  He carefully lifted the pillow from his side of the bed and picked up a blanket on his way out of the room.  Quietly he crept back down the steps, avoiding the board that creaked.  He lay on the couch and spread the blanket over him, praying that sleep would bring release from this misery.

******

Marlena woke to the sound of Will’s cries.  She rubbed her eyes, dislodging the sleep from the corners.  The clock read 7:14 am.  She had slept for less than four hours in total, and she felt like it.  She felt as if she hadn’t slept a full night in months.  In truth, she probably hadn’t.  She ran her fingers through her hair.  What she wouldn’t give for one uneventful week.  When does that ever happen around Salem?  She smiled a rueful smile as she got out of bed and wrapped a robe around her slim frame.

 

She yawned as she ran a comb through her hair the picture on the dresser catching her eye.  It was one of her, Belle, Brady and John.  It had been taken a couple of months ago at a day out in the park.  She picked it up and ran the tip of her index finger over the faces.  Frowning she put it down again.  The what ifs were all used up.  She had to move on with her life and make the best of it if only for Belle’s sake.  When I get her home.

 

She made her way down to the kitchen which was the source of Will’s crying.  Sami was looking harried.  She had Will on her hip and was making toast with her free hand.

 

“Hi honey.”  Marlena kissed her daughter on the way to switch on the jug.

 

“Oh Mom.”  Sami looked disappointed.  “I was going to bring you breakfast.”

 

“That’s very sweet of you Sami,” Marlena brushed a piece of hair away from Sami’s mouth, “but I really couldn’t spend another moment in that bed.  I’ll have it down here if that’s alright with you.”

 

“Of course it is.”  Sami threw down the knife in frustration.  They never told you before you had a child that you were going to need six hands.  “Actually Mom, we’re out of milk.  I might pop down and get some.”

 

“Do you want me to look after Will?”  Marlena held out her arms for the squalling child.

“No, it’s okay.  The fresh air might settle him down.”  Sami’s nerves were frazzled but Marlena needed some calm, not a screaming baby on her hands.

 

“Are you sure?”  Marlena correctly read her daughter’s misgiving.

 

“Sure, I’m sure.”  Sami’s expression didn’t entirely convey the message of her words, but she effected a smile that her mother couldn’t argue with.

 

“Well, I’ll see you soon then.”  Marlena picked up the discarded knife and continued the task of buttering the toast.

******

John opened his eyes to see Kristen standing over him, her hands on her hips.  He closed them but on opening them, she was still there.  Her lips were pursed, and he imagined, although he couldn’t see, that she was tapping her foot on the carpet.

 

“Well?”  she demanded.

 

“What Kristen?”

 

“Why did I wake up this morning in an empty bed?”  Her expression turned to one of disconsolation.  “Do you hate me that much?”

 

“Oh, baby no.”  He threw off the blanket and sat up.  He took her hand and gently tugged it, so she sat down beside him.  “I couldn’t sleep so I decided to stay down here so I wouldn’t disturb you.”  

She looked at him, unable to decipher the truthfulness of his statement.

 

“Are you sure that’s all it was?” she asked in a small voice.  He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.  

 

“Honestly honey.  That’s all it was.   It was a pretty harrowing day.”

 

She sighed and leaned her head against his chest.  She allowed herself a small smile, knowing he couldn’t see her face.  It was time to play her next card.

 

“For everyone I think.”  She agreed.  “Poor Marlena.  She must have felt so awful.  Especially after Laura had warned her that he might be dangerous the previous night and Marlena ignored her advice.”  John pulled away and looked at her.

 

“Who told you that?”

 

“One of the nurses.  Why John?  I thought you knew that.  I would have thought Marlena would have told you.”  She smiled inwardly at the shock and betrayal in his eyes.  

 

If only Marlena would be so easy to manipulate.

******

The aroma from the coffee percolator in the corner reached Marlena’s nose as she started on her second piece of toast.  She disregarded the paper in front of her and got up to pour herself one.  She was glad Sami had made it.  She was much better than she used to be but somehow her daughter could still make a better pot of coffee than she could.  She took the coffee back to the table and browsed the headlines.  

 

There was nothing shocking there.  Nothing that would give any indication of how terrible her life was at this moment.  She flicked to the horoscopes.

 

“You won’t find any help there.”  The unexpected voice made her visibly jump.  She turned and was startled to see Eugene’s smiling face.  “It’s all fiction you know.”  Marlena opened her mouth but then shut it again, lost for words.  “I see I’ve shocked you.”  Q sat down in a chair beside her and snatched a piece of her toast.  “Don’t be alarmed.”  His tone became more conciliatory, and he put his hand on her arm.  “Things are looking up.”

 

“But you’re…”  she frowned.   “How did you get in here?  I was listening for the door.”  Q smiled impishly and held up his finger.  

 

“One thing at a time my dear.”  He folded the newspaper and set it in front of her.  “Now watch carefully.”  He stood up and moved around to the opposite side of the table.  He leaned on the chair and flashed another grin.  Raising his hand, he clicked his fingers.  Marlena looked in astonishment, at where the paper had been but was now no longer.  Her attention moved back to Q her confusion growing more evident by the minute.

 

“How did you *do* that?”

 

“The same way I got in here without opening the door.”  Q deposited the filched piece of toast in his mouth and casually chewed on it.  He took in Marlena’s abstraction and sighed.  “Obviously subtlety is not going to work.  Did they not teach lateral thinking in medical school?”  He smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand.  “Stupid question Q.  These *are* humans.”  

 

He regarded her for a moment and then clicked his fingers again.  His whole body seemed to disappear and then re-materialize.  Like a projection which had faltered for a moment causing the image to blink out of focus.   “I can do better than that.”  He winked at her and snapped his fingers yet again.  This time he disappeared altogether.  Marlena jumped as she felt a tap on her shoulder, and she turned around to find herself inches from Q’s face.  “Now this is what I call seeing eye to eye.”  His smile was so mischievous that had Marlena not been so taken aback by what she was seeing she would have found it truly infectious.  As it was, she was having difficulty reconciling with the fact he was here at all.

 

“You….. you shouldn’t be here.”  She couldn’t find anything else to say.

 

“Why?  Because you committed me to that purgatory?”  His tone was a little snitchy, but he quickly corrected himself.  “Not that I blame you.  I understand why you did it but,” he suddenly disappeared again and she found him sitting in the chair opposite her once again, holding the missing newspaper, “you can never keep a good Q down for long.”  

 

He threw the newspaper on the table and took her hand.  His expression became serious.

“Marlena I know this is confusing for you but you have to trust me and trust what I tell you.  I am who I say I am.  Both Eugene *and* Q.  It may not seem possible to you, but it is.  What you’ve just seen is a fraction of what I am capable of.”    

 

Marlena drew away her hand and stood, rubbing her brow with her fingers.  “I’m not sure that I understand Eugene,” she said slowly.  “You’re telling me that you are Q and that you have powers now.”  

 

“Limited powers, yes.”  Q knew he had to be patient.  This wasn’t a concept that could be dealt with simply and easily.  “The Continuum took pity on me.”  He didn’t want to say anything more for fear he’d give away too much information.  Do that and his hopes of returning to the Continuum were gone forever.

 

Marlena opened her mouth but couldn’t form the words of another question.  This was all too much and she wondered briefly if she’d finally lost it.  Maybe she’d cracked under the strain and *she* was having delusions.  She pulled her robe around her more tightly and shook her head slightly, puckering her eyebrows.  Q saw the fear and vulnerability in her eyes and instantly felt a stab of guilt.  Moving to her side he put his arm around her shoulders and took her arm in his.  

 

“Marlena this *is* real and I *can* prove it to you..”  He put his hand under her chin and lifted it, so his eyes met hers.  “Everything is going to be fine.  You just have to trust me.  Can you do that?”  Marlena found herself nodding.  “Good girl.  Now you go and have a shower and get dressed and then I’ll get you that proof.”

 

Marlena stood under the cleansing stream of water and relished the feeling as it slid warmly over her knotted muscles.  She leant her head back and let it flow through her hair, washing away not only the grime but also some of the tension she had built up.  When she finally couldn’t justify remaining in there any longer, she turned off the faucet and stepped out.  She reached for one of the thick towels and wrapped it around her body.  Winding another round her hair, she went into the bedroom and opened the closet.  Deciding to dress casually she pulled out a pair of jeans and a crisp white linen shirt.  She quickly changed and gave her hair a quick buzz with the hairdryer.  Slipping on a pair of loafers she grabbed her purse and a jacket and went back to the kitchen to meet Eugene.  Not that she was sure any longer that he *was* just Eugene.  Rationally, logically, he couldn’t be what he claimed.  But then rationally, he shouldn’t be able to appear out of thin air either.

 

“Very fetching.”  Q approvingly greeted Marlena’s appearance.  “Now shall we go?”

 

“I should really let Sami know where I’m going.”  Marlena stalled.  “Where *are* we going?”

 

“Ever the thoughtful mother,” Q smiled.  “If I told you where we were going, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”

 

“No, but-“

 

“Uh, uh, uh-uh!”  Q shook his head.  “Please.  Leave her a note and let us be on our way.”  Marlena nodded, though somewhat reluctantly and scribbled a note on the pad by the phone.

 

“Right.”  Q took her hand in his.  “Now this is the only way to travel.”  He clicked his fingers.

The key sounded in the door.   It swung open and Sami pushed the pram inside.

 

“Sorry it took so long Mom.  They were out of skim.”  She stopped and looked around.  “Mom?  

 

There was no answer.  Sami’s quick scout confirmed that her mother was no longer in the apartment.  “Great!”  she muttered as the note by the phone caught her eye.  It read

 

Sami,

Had to go out unexpectedly.

Be back soon,

Love Mom.

 

“Well thanks for nothing.”  Sami felt the old familiar bitterness return.  She had felt yesterday that she’d turned a corner in her relationship with Marlena.  Now however, she had to wonder whether it had been just wishful thinking, when her mother couldn’t even be bothered to tell her where she was going.  With a dull ache in her chest, she put the milk in the refrigerator and wheeled Will down to the bedroom where she began to pack up their things.

******

Marlena felt giddy as the room resolved around her.  Q’s hand on her arm steadied her and as she oriented herself, she recognized the room from the previous night.  She turned and saw Belle, still sleeping in the cot and ran to her daughter’s side.  Belle’s condition appeared to be the same and she looked at Q questioningly.

 

“Why are we here Eugene?”  she asked tentatively, ignoring the fact that only a moment ago she had been in the penthouse.  She couldn’t deal with that at the moment.

 

“Marlena, I told you that I would prove to you that this,” he gestured to himself, “what I can do, is real.  I think it’s only fair that since it was my fault Belle was hurt, I should put it right.”

 

“What do you mean?”  She thought that she knew what she meant but at this point she needed it spelled out.

 

“Close your eyes for a moment and I’ll show you.”  Q encouraged Marlena with a nod of his head.  Marlena gave him a look checkered with uncertainty but closed her eyes, nonetheless. 

 

Chapter 9:      Restoration

“Mommy?”  Marlena’s eyes flew open as she heard her beloved daughter’s voice.  Her eyes dwelt for a moment as she took it all and then she diverted them to Q. 

 

“Nothing to it.”  His impish grin was back, and she saw him wink at Belle.  This evoked a giggle from the toddler which drew Marlena’s attention back.  What she saw before her was nothing but a miracle.  The gauze which had been covering Belle’s burns was gone and the skin was pale and smooth.  Marlena pulled back the sheet and was rewarded with the sight of Belle’s creamy white skin, unbroken and unblemished.   

 

The look of amazement on her mother’s face obviously amused Belle because she broke into peals of laughter.  Marlena felt herself smile and then affected by the infectious nature of Belle’s chuckle; she began to laugh herself.  Q, feeling more than a little satisfied with himself, quietly disappeared.

 

The tears slid easily out of the corner of Marlena’s eyes.  This time though, they were tears of happiness as she lifted Belle out of the bed onto her lap.  Taking a blanket from the bed, she wrapped it around the little girl and held her tightly.  It wasn’t until she turned around to thank Q that she realized he was gone. 

 

“Thanks Eugene,” she whispered as she breathed in the sweetness of the body she held so close.

 

When the nurse came to check on Belle, she was amazed and then worried to see Dr. Evans holding the child on her lap, the two of them laughing with each other.

 

“Ah, Dr. Evans,” she ventured, “I’m sure Dr. Brooker told you that Belle should remain in the bed.”  Marlena turned her head and smiled joyously at the woman.  

 

“Yes he did, but as you can see,” she drew back the blanket, “there’s no need for Belle to be in the bed any longer.”  The nurse almost choked and stammered something about a doctor as she rushed from the room.  Belle and Marlena looked at each other and began to laugh again.

 

When Mike arrived with Dr. Brooker, Marlena and Belle were both sitting on the bed.  Belle was dressed, thanks to the clothes which had miraculously appeared in the locker.   Another thanks for Gene, Marlena had noted when she had found them.  The two doctors moved slowly toward the bed; their stunned amazement evident on their faces.  Dr. Brooker ran his finger over Belle’s rounded cheek. 

 

“It’s impossible,” he murmured.  Mike looked at Belle and then at Marlena.  Trying to keep the disbelief from his voice he asked her if she knew what had happened.

 

“I’m not exactly sure Mike.”  Marlena answered him truthfully. 

 

“She was like this when you came in?”

 

“Yes.”  That was a lie, but she thought they would buy that easier than they would believe the truth.  Besides, the truth would only lead to trouble.  For them all.

 

“We will have to run tests….”   Dr.  Brooker wasn’t coping as well as Mike.  He looked like he needed to sit down.

“Oh no you won’t.”  Marlena’s voice was strong.    “My daughter is fine.  She is not going to be anybody’s guinea pig.  I’m taking her home with me.  Now.”  Mike thought about arguing but seeing the determined look on Marlena’s face, he thought again.

 

“Alright,” he nodded.  “I’ll sign the discharge papers.”

******

Laura tapped the pen on the desk pad.  There was an ever-growing list of files on her desk, and she had purposely come to work early to get started on them before her first patient.  She had, however, sat staring into space for the major part of the time she had been there.  She had stopped off to see Belle on her way and it had proved to disturb her concentration no end.  Every time she had tried to start on the files she had drifted away, wondering again if there could have been something she could have done to prevent this tragedy.  She was saved from the files and from herself by a knock on the door.

 

“Come in,” she called.  The door opened and a nurse popped her head around the corner.  

 

“Dr. Horton, I know you didn’t want to be disturbed but there’s a call for you on line two.  It’s the Sanitarium.  They said it was urgent.”  Laura nodded and waited until the woman had closed the door.  Then she picked up the phone.  

 

“Good morning.  Dr. Horton speaking.” 

 

“Oh, Dr. Horton.”  The voice at the other end was harassed.  “I don’t quite know how to explain this…” 

 

“Explain what?”  Laura was struck by a sudden feeling of anxiety.

 

“The patient you brought in, last night.  Mr. Bradford.  Somehow he’s….”

 

“He’s what?”  Laura snapped impatiently.

 

“He’s disappeared.”

 

“What do you mean he’s disappeared?”  Laura could tell that the other woman was distressed, and her own apprehension wasn’t helping matters. 

 

“He was in his room last night,” the woman explained.  “But when we checked this morning – he wasn’t there.”

 

“I don’t understand.  How could he have escaped?”

 

“That’s just it.  We can’t see how he can have.  Everything is still secure.  Do you want us to call the police, Doctor?”  Her voice steadied with the last question.   Laura considered for a moment and came to a decision.

 

“No.  Not just yet.  I will call Dr. Evans.  Then I’ll let you know what to do.”

 

“Alright.”  She sounded relieved.  “We’ll continue looking in the meantime.”

 

“Fine.”  Laura put down the phone.  She rubbed her forehead with the ball of her hand and took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself.  Having got her heartbeat down to what she considered was a reasonable rate, she picked up the phone and tapped out Marlena’s number.

******

Marlena blinked as the sunlight hit them.  She was carrying Belle as they emerged from the hospital.  The child had her arm around her mother’s neck, and she was grinning widely.  Marlena held her closely with one arm and shaded her eyes with her free hand.  She was attempting to decide her next move when Belle laughed.  Marlena turned her head over her shoulder in the direction that Belle was pointing. 

 

“’Ge’!”  Belle shouted.  She looked at Marlena.  “’Ge’ here!  Wassit befaw.”  She shook her head her eyes wide with wonder.  Marlena laughed lightheartedly.  If she didn’t understand ‘Gene’s appearing and disappearing acts, Belle certainly wouldn’t.  Still, Belle with her childish innocence probably found it much easier to accept the impossible.

 

She let a scrambling Belle down and smiled brilliantly as Q reached them.

 

“’Gene, how can I thank you?”  She impulsively reached over and hugged him.

 

“No thanks needed.”  He returned the hug and then heeded the small tug on his trouser by looking down at Belle.  “It was my pleasure.”

 

“Ge’ fix me.”  Belle pronounced.  “Fanks Ge’”  She smiled and Q was struck by her resemblance to her mother.

 

“At least let me take you out for breakfast.”  Marlena insisted, taking Belle’s hand to make sure she didn’t stray.

 

“Actually there is something a little more pressing that you may be able to take care of for me.”  Q changed his mind.

 

“Just name it.”  Marlena picked Belle up again and kissed her cheek, still a little unable to believe she had her back and healthy again.

 

“Come with me then.”  Q took her free hand.  “We’ll do breakfast after this.”  He clicked his fingers with an extra flourish for Belle’s sake.

******

Sami cursed as the shrill of the telephone set Will crying again.  She snatched up the receiver and barked out a terse greeting while picking up the shrieking infant.

 

“Sami, it’s Laura,“ the voice on the other end introduced.  “I was wanting to speak to your mother.”  She stopped as the wail on the other end reached a crescendo and then quietened down again.

 

“Sorry Laura, Will’s not too good this morning.”  And neither is his mother, she thought angrily.  She smoothed the irritation out of her voice and continued.  “I’m sorry.  What was it that you wanted?”

 

“Marlena.”  Laura repeated patiently.  “Could I speak to her please?”

 

“You could if I knew where to find her,” Sami sniffed, her anger breaking through.

 

“What do you mean Sami?”  Laura’s voice took on alarmed edge.

 

“I went out briefly this morning,” Sami explained, “and when I got back, she’d gone.”

 

“And there was no indication as to where she might be?”

 

“No.”  Sami sighed as Wills cries increased again.  “There was a cryptic note saying she had to go somewhere unexpectedly.  I have no idea where.  I’m only her daughter.”  She tucked the phone between her chin and shoulder and shifted Will so she could rock him.  “Look Laura, I’m really going to have to go.”

 

“No Sami, don’t go,” Laura snapped quickly.  “Look, it’s very important that I find Marlena.”

 

“Why?”  Sami heard the desperation in Laura’s voice, and it sent chills of trepidation through her.  “What’s wrong?”

 

“I don’t want to worry you,” Laura began, ‘but Eugene Bradford has disappeared from the sanitarium.  I need to find Marlena before the police get involved.”  

 

“Police?  Why?  Is he dangerous?”  Sami was beginning to feel a little panicked and the baby still would not stop crying.

 

“No.  I don’t think so.“  Laura tried to sound reassuring.  

 

“You don’t *think* so?!”  Sami felt like screaming herself.

 

“Sami don’t panic.”  It was more of an order than advice.  “Our main priority is to find Marlena.”

 

“Okay.” Sami put Will back in his pram.  “I’ll ring John and see if he’s seen her.”

 

“Let me know if you find her?”

 

“You too.”  Sami put down the receiver and rocked the pram back and forth for a moment.  “Oh Will, please stop crying,” she beseeched.  He didn’t and she rubbed her temple with her fingers to exorcise the headache that was growing there.  She tucked Will firmly into his pram and gave him one last glance as she left the room.   

 

In the kitchen she pushed the automatic dial button for John’s and switched the phone to loudspeaker.  While it rang, she prepared Will’s formula.

 

“Hello?”  Kristen picked up the phone.

“Kristen, it’s Sami.  I need to speak to John.  Is he there?”  Sami was curt.

 

“I’ll just get him.”  Kristen handed the phone to John.  He took it and looked at her enquiringly.  She mouthed Sami’s name and he put the handset to his ear.

 

“Hey Sami.  What can I do you for?”  he tried to sound cheerful.  Under the circumstances it was proving exceedingly difficult.

 

“Have you seen Mom this morning?”  Sami wasn’t in any mood to mess around exchanging pleasantries.  She dropped the bottle in the saucepan and waited for John’s reply.

 

“Your Mom?  No.  Isn’t she there?”

 

“No.”  Sami sighed.   She had been hoping that John was the reason for Marlena’s disappearance.  

 

“She’s kind of disappeared.  And Laura just called to let her know that Eugene has disappeared from the sanitarium.”

 

“What!?”  John’s voice sounded like a shotgun report.

 

“Laura doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about John.”  It was Sami’s turn to be calming.  “She just wants to find Mom.”

 

John ran his fingers through his hair and let out a slow breath. “Okay,” he said slowly.  “It sounds like you have your hands full.”  He was referring to the crying in the background.  “I’ll do what I can and call you if I come up with anything.”

 

“Thanks John.”  Sami relaxed slightly.  “I’ll talk to you soon.”  She put the receiver down and picked up the bottle.  Checking the temperature she went back out to the lounge where Will’s screaming

continued unabated.  She lifted him out of the pram and wrapped a blanket around him.  Holding him on her lap she offered him the bottle. 

 

Her patience was wearing thin.  After the fourth attempt she threw the bottle on the floor and began to cry herself.

******

Marlena gripped Belle tightly as the sunny morning materialized around them.  The dizziness affected her slightly less this time as she found herself in front of the steps of the sanitarium.  Belle was unusually silent as she looked around in awe.  For once, she was lost for words, her astonishment was so great.

 

“Oh, of course.”  Marlena suddenly realized what it was that Q needed her to do.  “What do I say to them?”  She suddenly felt a little fretful.  Q had, to all intents and purposes *disappeared* into thin air.  How was she going to explain that away?

 

“That you came and got me early this morning but forgot to sign the release papers?”  Q fumbled for an excuse she could use. 

“They’d *never* believe that `Gene.”  A small smile slid easily to her lips.  “How would I have got *in* for a start?”  She put Belle down and looked into the distance.  “I know.”  She looked at him with the light of an idea in her eyes.  

Chapter 10:  Lost and Found

John dialed the phone number of the Brady Pub.  Hopefully Marlena had been by there and they knew where she was.  Shawn answered the phone announcing the name of the Pub in his Irish brogue.

 

“Shawn, it’s John.”

 

“Well, good morning to you John.”  Shawn sounded cheery as usual, despite the tension of the last two days.  “What can I do for you?”

 

“Have you seen Doc?”  He asked the question straight out.

 

“Well, not since we dropped them off at the penthouse last night.  Why?  Is she not there?”  Shawn’s voice took on a little concern.

 

“Sami’s not sure where she is.  I just need to reach her.”  John edited the information.  There was no need to worry the Brady’s until they knew something definite.  Hopefully there would be no need to worry them at all. “If you see her, can you get her to call either Sami or me?”  John requested.

 

“Sure, we will.  Have you had any news on Belle today?”  Shawn changed the subject, seemingly satisfied with John’s answer.

 

“I called them first thing.  No change.”  John didn’t feel much like discussing Belle’s condition at the moment.

 

“Aye, that’s what they told us.”  John could almost see Shawn nodding.

 

“Well, I’ll catch you later Shawn.”  John didn’t want to waste time on the phone when it wasn’t being productive.  Kristen was lurking in the background with a petulant expression on her face, but John wasn’t the least bit concerned with her at that moment.  He just needed to find Doc and make sure she was alright. 

 

“Right you are.”  The other end of the line clicked, and John put the receiver in its cradle.

 

“What’s going on John?”  Kristen’s voice held a whiny quality that was getting on John’s nerves.

“Doc’s disappeared and I’m trying to find her,” he replied brusquely.  Kristen couldn’t believe that he hadn’t even bothered to turn around when he told her that.  She came up behind him and weaved her arms around his waist.  He shrugged her off with a “Not now Kristen,” and rifled through the papers by the phone.

 

Kristen turned on her heel and stormed up the stairs before she said something about his *precious* Doc that she would really regret.  She threw herself on the bed fuming at the unfairness of it.  All the work she had done.  Marlena goes missing for five minutes and suddenly she is all he can think about.  If Kristen had her way, Marlena would disappear alright.  Permanently.

 

John dialed the number of the Burns Unit at the Hospital.  A nurse answered the phone with the standard Hospital welcome. 

“This is John Black,” he qualified.  “I was wondering if Dr Evans had been in to see Belle this morning?”  The nurse was silent for a moment, seemingly consulting her records judging by the sounds of paper being shuffled. 

 

“Yes, she was here earlier.”  The nurse wasn’t forthcoming with any further information.

 

“It’s important that I find her.”  John tried not to sound impatient.  “Did she give any indication as to where she might be going?”

 

“I’m afraid not.”  She really needed some lessons in phone manners John decided.

 

“Do you know if she was with a man.”  John was stabbing in the dark now.  To get any information out of this woman he was going to have to frame his questions in the simplest yes/no terms.

 

“I’m not sure.  I don’t think so.”  She was finally trying to make an effort to be pleasant, obviously hearing the anger in John’s voice, but it was too late.

 

“Well thank you for your help.”  He tried to restrain his sarcasm.  He didn’t catch the rest of her sentence as he put down the phone.

******

Marlena walked up to the front desk of the institution and rang the silver bell.  A harried looking women, obviously the charge nurse appeared.

 

“Yes, can I help you?”

 

“My name is Dr. Evans.”  Marlena introduced herself, keeping a firm grip on Belle’s impatient hand.  

 

“A colleague of mine, Dr. Horton, brought a Mr. Eugene Bradford here yesterday.”  She noted the woman’s paleness at the sound of Eugene’s name.  “I’m afraid there’s been a mistake and I’m

here to sign the release form.”  

 

Now the fun begins.

 

The nurse was opening and shutting her mouth and looked somewhat comparable to a goldfish.

 

“Is there a problem?”  Marlena asked innocently.  The nurse pulled herself together enough to form a few words.  “Did Dr. Horton not tell you?”

 

“Tell me what?”  Marlena put her hand on Belle’s shoulder to keep her quiet.

 

“Mr. Bradford.  He’s disappeared.”  The nurse looked close to tears and Marlena felt sorry for her.

 

“Are you sure?” she asked gently.  “Perhaps you could have another look.”

 

“We’ve looked everywhere.”  The nurse shook her head.  “He’s not here.”

 

“Are you absolutely positive?”  Marlena pressed.  “Could you humor me and have another look.  It’s not likely that he could have escaped from *here*.’  She glanced around her to emphasize her words.  

 

The nurse shrugged and took out her keys.  Marlena picked up Belle and followed her down the corridor until they reached the room assigned to Eugene.  The nurse unlocked the door plainly displaying the fact theta she was, indeed, humoring the doctor.  A good push sent the door swinging open and the nurse was astounded to see Eugene lying on the bed contemplating the ceiling.

 

“Ah, good morning.”  He rolled over and propped himself up on his elbow.  “Breakfast is late this morning.”

******

Sami lay on the sofa with her eyes closed.  Will had finally cried himself to sleep and she had been able to take some aspirin for the headache which was invading her head.  John had called again to say that she wasn’t at the pub or the hospital.  She had called Alice and Bo and Hope, but none of them had seen Marlena. 

 

The phone jangled again, shattering the silence that Sami had so carefully constructed around herself.  She snatched up the receiver and put it to her ear, not bothering to open her eyes.   

 

“Hello.”

 

“Carrie hasn’t seen her.  Neither has Kate, nor Abe and Lexie.”  John dispensed with any greeting.  He was too worried by now.  Where the hell was she?

 

“Nor has Alice Horton or Bo and Hope.”  Sami returned.  She heard John’s curse and a loud noise.  

 

“John, she’ll be alright.  She’s probably just gone shopping or something.”  She struggled for a reason for Marlena’s absence that didn’t sound sinister.

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”  John attempted to play along, but the facade crumbled as soon as he’d built it.  “Listen Sami.  If we don’t find her soon, I’m going to get Abe to put out an APB for both her and Bradford.”  Sami was silent for a moment.

 

“Okay.”  She opened her eyes and then shut them again as the glare became too much.  She wasn’t sure if the nausea was from the near-migraine or from the thought of Marlena being taken from them again.

 

“Are you okay Sami?”  John caught the barb in her voice. 

 

“Yeah I’m fine.”  Sami lied tiredly.

 

“Are you sure?  I could come over…”

 

“No.  You should stay there.  In case there’s any news.”  Sami didn’t want John’s sympathy.  At this stage, all she wanted was a dark room and a cold wash-cloth.

“Alright.”  John didn’t entirely believe Sami but could see the wisdom in her decision.  “I’ll call you later okay?”

 

“Okay.  Bye.”

******

The nurse’s eyes bulged, and her face went bright red.  She looked as if she was about to have a fit.  Eugene just smiled

 

“Dr. Evans.  How nice to see you again?”  Marlena put her hand firmly on Belle’s leg to quiet the girl, who stifled a giggle.  

 

“Mr.  Bradford.  How are you?”  She wished he’d quell that cheeky smile he was shooting in Belle’s direction.  He was egging the toddler on, and she was likely to say something to give them away.

 

“Wonderful Doctor.  Well, I will be if you have come to take me out of this hell-hole.”  She sent a warning look that told him he’d better not take it too far.

 

“As a matter of fact, I have.”  She smiled pleasantly.   She turned to the nurse who seemed to be on the verge of recovering, having seen the very definite advantages of Eugene Bradford’s very mysterious reappearance.  “I’d better sign those papers.”  

 

The nurse nodded mutely

 

Ten minutes later they were standing back on the steps, this time facing out to the drive.

 

“I felt awful.  The poor woman thought she was losing it!”  Marlena exclaimed with a hint of a guilty smile.  “Somehow, I think a mistake on their behalf would be a lot easier to explain than a ‘disappeared’ patient,” Q grinned and reached over to take Belle.  Marlena hesitated for a moment and then let Belle go.  She could trust Eugene.  She didn’t entirely understand him, but she knew she could trust him.

 

“Well.  Where too now?”  he asked, settling Belle in his arms.  “Breakfast or something more exciting?”

 

“Daddy!”  Belle bounced, her arms flapping madly.  Marlena’s eyes sparkled.

 

“Alright.  Let’s go surprise your dad.”

******

Sami uttered an expletive as the phone rang again.  She thought about not picking it up, but the ringing was too insistent to ignore, and she reached down for the receiver. 

 

“Yes?”

 

“Sami, it’s Laura.  I just had a call from Bayview.”

 

“Mmm-hmm?”

 

“Apparently they were *wrong*.  Eugene hadn’t disappeared at all.”  

 

“Excuse me?”  Trying to understand what Laura was babbling about wasn’t doing anything for Sami’s migraine.

 

“I don’t know Sami.  They told me he disappeared and now they’re telling me that he didn’t.  I don’t think even *they* understand.”  Laura sighed.  “But what they did tell me is that Marlena went down there and signed release papers.  He left with her ten minutes ago.”

 

“What?!”  Sami sat bolt upright, forgetting her migraine for a moment.  She remembered when a wave of nausea swept through her and she fell back onto the couch.

 

“I’m as much in the dark as you are.”  Laura sounded frustrated. 

 

“I guess Mom knows what she’s doing.”  Sami didn’t sound entirely convinced.  “Thanks anyway Laura.  I’ll let John know.”  She put the phone down before Laura could get another word in.

 

Sami thought about calling John straight away, but nixed that idea as another wave of nausea rolled through.  She stood unsteadily and somehow willed herself to put one foot in front of the other.  She had made it as far as her mother’s bedroom when it hit full force.  She staggered to the bathroom and knelt on the tiled floor as the retching shook her body.  When the nausea had finally subsided, she pulled herself up with what strength she had left and made it to the bedroom before she collapsed on the bed.

 

She moaned as Will’s crying from the next room broke the silence.  With an extreme effort she lifted her pounding head and pulled open Marlena’s drawer.  Ordinarily she knew the Pub phone number but she felt so disoriented at the moment she could hardly remember anything.  She searched through the drawer with one hand, dropping the unwanted items on the floor until she found the address book she was after. 

 

She dialed praying that one of her grandparents would answer and not Carrie or Austin.  Luck was on her side for it was Caroline who picked up.

 

“Granma.”  Sami could barely talk above a whisper. 

 

“Sami?  Is that you?”  Caroline’s voice came through the line laced with worry.

 

“Mmm.”  Sami winced with the pain.  “I’ve got a migraine Granma.”  She let out an involuntary moan.  “I really need you to look after Will for me.”

 

“I’ll be right over.”  Caroline paused.  “You’re still at your mother’s?”

 

“Yeah.”  Sami couldn’t say anything else as the nausea threatened to overtake her again.

 

“Sit tight.  I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  The line clicked but the signal was relayed to an empty room.  The only other sounds were coming from the bathroom and the baby in the next room.

******

John stood in front of the window, his mind a million miles away.  He didn’t hear Kristen descend the stairs behind him and he started as her arms snaked around his waist and she laid her head on his shoulder. 

 

“She’ll be okay honey,” she whispered.  He felt the now-familiar sinking feeling in his stomach and nodded, not trusting his voice to obey him.  Kristen noticed the rigidity of his body and she slid her hands up over his chest to his shoulders.  “I know you’re worried about her baby, but she’s a grown woman.  She can take care of herself.  She doesn’t need a knight in shining armor anymore.”  John grimaced, glad that Kristen couldn’t see his face as he caught the silent addendum.  (Not like me and our baby.)  He was saved from any further Kristen overtures by the doorbell.  He removed her arms from his body, glad to have an excuse to do so owing to the claustrophobic feeling he had whenever she was around recently.  He headed for the door, smiling at the cliché.

 

The smile became much broader as he took in the vision before him.  Marlena stood on the doorstep with a beautiful smile on her face and their beautiful daughter in her arms.

 

“Doc…”  John was lost for anything to say.  He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

 

“Daddy!”  Belle held out her arms.  John took her from her mother, his heart slipping in an extra beat as he got close enough to Marlena to catch a waft of her scent.

 

“We had to come straight over and tell you!”  Marlena’s happiness radiated from her like the heat from the sun.  She could hardly contain her excitement.  “Doesn’t she just look beautiful?”

 

“But,…how?”  John felt that confusion was becoming an all too usual state with him these days.  

 

Marlena flicked a glance in Kristen’s direction and then back to John.  “Why don’t you bring Brady down to the park.  The kids can play, and I’ll fill you in.”  She kept it quiet, out of Kristen’s earshot, even though she could see the other woman was straining to hear.  John nodded, understanding her motivation.  Marlena brushed his hand as she took Belle back and he felt the electricity again.  It was getting harder and harder to ignore and he was having to try harder and harder to ignore it.

 

She flashed him another one of her incredibly heart-rending smiles and then turned and walked to the lift.  He pulled the door closed and called for Brady, desperately hoping Kristen wouldn’t see how much Marlena’s appearance had affected him.

 

“What’s going on honey?”  Kristen felt herself rapidly losing control of the situation.

 

“Marlena and I are taking the kids to the park.”  He was tired of explaining his every little move to her. 

 

“But why has Marlena got Belle?  What happened?”

 

“I don’t know Kristen.”  He smiled as Brady ran down the steps.  “That’s what I’m going to find out.  Hey Slugger!”  He swung Brady up into his arms.  “Do you want to go play with your sister in the park?”  Brady nodded his head enthusiastically.  “See you later honey.”  He kissed Kristen on the cheek, ignoring the pout on her lips and darted out the door before she could argue.  

Kristen watched them until the lift door closed and then stormed back into the loft.  She looked around her, a sneer of disgust, curling her lips.  That was it.  She’d had it with this place. Since their return from Paris, they had been sharing their time between the two households, but she now realized that the loft was full of too many memories.  Memories that she couldn’t compete with.  They would move back into the DiMera Mansion today and she would make sure that Marlena stayed the hell away this time.  Her lips formed a one-sided smile and she picked up the phone.

Chapter 11:  Swings and Roundabouts

John saw the two of them sitting on a park bench, their blonde hair glistening in the sunlight.  Snatches of laughter floated across tantalizingly and he hurried over to where they played.  To any outside viewer they would have looked like the perfect family, meeting for an afternoon in the sun.

 

John impulsively drew Marlena into his arms when he reached her, and she felt weak as he brushed his lips across her cheek.  She pulled away before he could feel her tremble and they both turned to Belle who was standing on the bench with her hands on her hips.

 

“What ‘bout me?”  Her little mouth was drawn into a frown but when John picked her up, she couldn’t maintain it any longer and she broke into a delighted giggle.

 

“What about you?” he teased before squeezing her and giving her a large kiss.  

 

Marlena whispered to Brady as John put Belle down and he immediately took her hand and pulled her across to the swings.  The two adults sat on the bench and watched their children indulgently.  After a minute or two John turned to Marlena.

 

“So, what gives Doc?”

 

“It’s not exactly easy to explain,” she hedged.

 

‘Well try.”  John encouraged her.

 

“I had a visit this morning.”

 

“Eugene.”  John filled in the blank for her.  She nodded.

 

“John – he was telling the truth.  He really *is* – “ she searched for a description.

 

“Omnipotent?”  John’s head snapped round.  “All-powerful?”  Q stood behind the bench.  “A supremely immortal almighty being?”  His mouth curved into a smile.  “I rather like that one myself.”  He leaned over the seat, so his head was level with John and Marlena’s.  “Q.”

 

“Eugene!”  Marlena swatted her hand in his direction exasperatedly.

 

“I’m injured!”  He put his hands over his heart and staggered backward in mock anguish.  Marlena said nothing but glared at him.  “Alright.”  Q raised his eyes skyward.  “Never say I can’t take a hint.  I have an errand to run anyway.”    He winked at Marlena.  “Have fun.”  He raised his hand and clicked his finger and thumb.  John’s lower jaw dropped as Q disappeared before his eyes.

 

“As I was trying to say.”  Marlena couldn’t keep the smile from her face.  “I was treated to a display somewhat like that one.”  John turned to her, his brows knitted together.

 

“I’m not sure I understand Doc.”  She took his hand in hers.

 

“I’m not sure I do either.  All I do know is that he took me to the hospital.’  she shook her head, her eyes traveling to the play area and drinking in the sight of the children, her lips playing with the words, “and look at our little girl now.”

 

“You’re telling me *he* did that?”  He narrowed his eyes.

 

“Mmm-hmm.”  She felt his fingers interlace with hers and was aware of her heart beating a little faster.  “Pretty incredible huh?’  She couldn’t look at his face for fear of what she’d find there.

 

“Yeah,” he breathed, suddenly fighting an incredible urge to take her into his arms again.  Instead, he pulled his hand away and stood as the children ran toward them.

******

Kristen slammed the receiver down.  Ever since Jennifer had discovered the extent of Peter’s schemes and had thrown him out, he’d been so wrapped up in his own problems he’d hardly been there when she’d needed him.  Well, if Peter’s not going to help me, I’ll just have to work it out for myself.  She pulled her dress down and took a deep breath as her hands settled over her belly.  She had to stay calm.  She couldn’t lose this baby, or the game would really be over.  That witch would tell John everything and she’d lose him forever.  She couldn’t let that happen. 

 

“Checking to see if it’s still there?”  Kristen gasped with fright as she heard the voice come from the bed.  She whipped her head round and was confronted by the sight of Q, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed with a smirk on his face.

 

“What the *hell* are you doing here?”  Kristen spat out.  “How did you get in?”

 

“Ms. Dimera. Kristen.”  He smiled a shallow, cold smile.  “Let’s not waste time on petty pleasantries.  It matters not how I got here.  If you were to ask me why, however….”  He trailed off, inviting her to

take up the question.  She just looked at him sullenly.  “Ah, you won’t play my little game.  Pity.”  He winked at her.  “And you’re so *good* at playing games too.”

 

“Get out of here *now*.”  Kristen stamped her foot.  “Before I call the police.”

 

“Temper, temper, Krissy.”  He waved his finger in her direction.  “Tantrums won’t help you.  Nor will the police.  I’d be gone long before they got here.”  As if to prove his point, he suddenly disappeared and then reappeared, still on the bed, this time leaning against the headboard with his arms crossed.  Kristen staggered backwards slightly and overbalanced heavily into the chair that had appeared behind her.

 

“Good.  Now we understand each other, I can continue.”  Q uncrossed his arms and moved to the end of the bed, closer to a stunned Kristen.  “I have a mission, Krissy.  Can you guess what it is?”  Kristen shook her head, her eyes reminiscent of a frightened rabbit.  “Let me put it this way.  For me to succeed in my mission, I cannot allow you to succeed in yours.”  His lop-sided smile sent chills through Kristen.

 

“I don’t…I don’t know what you mean,” she stammered.

 

“Come now, Kristen.  You can’t play the naïve ingenue with me.  I know *far* too much about you.”  His stare was glacial and she felt as though his eyes pierced the deepest, darkest part of her, exposing all her nasty little secrets.  

She mentally shook herself and bolstered her reserve.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.  And I want you out of here.  Now!”  She stood and put her hands on her hips to emphasis her point.  Except that suddenly she wasn’t standing on the ground, she was floating two feet above it.  She opened her mouth to protest but found her voice wouldn’t work.  Q grinned and made a mental note to thank Q2 for that particular trick.

 

“Don’t mess with me, Krisco.”  He narrowed his eyes.  “I have the ability to do some extremely nasty things.  You *really* don’t want to risk it.”  He set her back on the ground and stood up himself.  

 

“Right.  Now *sit down*.”  She meekly obeyed his order.  “Good.  Now Kristen, I know some very interesting tidbits of information about you.  Some snippets that I’m sure John would be very interested to learn.” 

 

“That bitch!”  Kristen muttered venomously.

 

“Marlena hasn’t told me anything.”  Q informed her with a sneer.  “I doubt she even knows about the little matter of the mirror.”  Kristen paled at the mention of the mirror.

 

“H- how do you know about that?”  She could barely get the words out and they were little more than a strangled whisper. 

 

“I don’t think that’s important, do you?”  He had an odd sort of a half-smile on his face.

 

“What do you want?”  Kristen was afraid she already knew the answer.

 

“What do you think I want?”  He leaned closer and she instinctively backed away, her hand over her stomach.

 

“You can’t tell John.  Any stress like that and I might lose my baby.”  She practically stumbled over her words in her desperation.

 

“Kristen, Kristen.  You might be able to keep Marlena’s mouth closed with that pathetic threat.  It won’t work with me.”  His face became stonily serious.  “I couldn’t care less about your child.  Keep it. Lose it.  It’s all the same to me.”  He shrugged and gave her a conspiratorial smile.  “But you can relax Krissy.  I’m not going to tell John.”

 

“You’re not?”  Kristen didn’t exactly believe him, although she desperately wanted to.

 

“No I’m not.”  His mouth formed an evil grin.  “*You* are.” 

******

Sami opened her eyes cautiously to a darkened room that was no longer spinning.  She slowly moved her head and was gratified to find that it no longer thumped horrendously anymore.  She lay back staring at the ceiling for several minutes, listening to the muted sounds coming from the downstairs part of the penthouse.  She rolled over and consulted the clock.  It was almost noon and she turned back as she heard the door.  It was open a crack and Caroline was peering through.  When she saw that Sami was awake, she entered the room quietly, a steaming mug of heavily sugared tea in her hands.

 

“How are you feeling Sami?”  Her expression was concerned.

 

“Better thanks Granma.”  Sami smiled gratefully.  “Thanks so much for coming over.”  Caroline smiled and perched on the end of the bed.

 

“Any time Sami.  You know that.”  She leaned over and put the mug on the bedside table.  “Here’s a cup of tea if you feel up to it.”

 

“Thanks.”  Sami took a deep breath, reveling in the freedom from the pain she had endured.  “You couldn’t open the curtains, could you?” Caroline patted her hand and went over to the window.  “Oh Granma, you haven’t heard from John or Mom, have you?”

 

“No.”  Caroline drew the curtains slowly to give Sami’s eyes time to adjust.  “Why?  Were you expecting them to call?”

 

“No, not really.”  Sami pulled herself up into a half-sitting position and picked up the mug, warming her hands on it.  Caroline walked to the door.

 

“You stay in here as long as you need to.  Will is just fine.”  Sami smiled at her grandmother once again, sending her a silent thank-you with her eyes.  Caroline inclined her head slightly and then left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.  

Sami took a sip of the sweetened tea as she looked out of the window.  Suddenly remembering her mother, she put the mug back on the stand and picked up the phone.  Dialing the number of John’s loft she turned back to the window and watched a cloud drift by in the blue sky.

******

Marlena settled herself into a chair at the table by the window.  John had gone to the counter of the small café to order some lunch and a pot of tea.  He smiled as he walked back to the table, watching Marlena take Belle on her lap and scold Brady for playing with the sugar pot.

 

“Everything okay?”  He looked pointedly at Brady as he set the tray down on the table.  The little boy hung his head but not before John caught the hint of a smile.  “Brady Black.  Are you going to behave yourself or am I going to have to take you home?”  Brady looked up at John and shook his head vehemently.  “What?  You’re not going to behave yourself?”  John teased as he sat down.

 

“I’ll be good.”  Brady vowed solemnly.  “Don’t take me home.”

 

“Bady no go home!”  Belle sounded appalled at the mere possibility.  “Bady stay.  Pay wid Belle.”

 

“It’s alright sweetheart.  Daddy won’t take Brady home.”  Marlena suppressed her grin.  “As long as Brady behaves himself.”

John set a plate of sandwiches on the table along with a plate of cream-filled donuts.  He had juice for both the children, and he poured a cup of tea for Marlena and himself from the china pot.

 

“Sandwiches first please,” he instructed on seeing Brady’s hand stray towards the donut plate.  Both the children obeyed, reaching for a sandwich each.

 

On the way to the café, Marlena had filled him in on the happenings of the morning, to the best of her ability.  John had been absolutely astounded but he didn’t doubt Marlena for a moment.  If she said it had happened, he knew it had happened.  Besides that, there was beautiful little Belle, sitting there as though nothing had ever happened.

 

He chewed on a sandwich for several minutes, contemplating the whole story.  When he’d finished it, he turned to Marlena. 

 

“So.  What is he going to do, now he’s able to….”  He was unable to bring himself to say what he logically knew was impossible.  “To do what he can do.”   He shook his head, knowing that his previous sentence had made very little sense, but not knowing how to amend it without it sounding even sillier.  Marlena understood however, what he was trying to say and put down her cup.

 

“I’m not really sure, honey.”  John’s heart ached as it always did when she slipped in those little terms of endearment.  She didn’t seem to notice the disconcerting effect she had on him as she continued.  “He said something about it being limited.  I don’t know why.”  She shrugged.  “I presume he intends to stay around for a while.  He certainly hasn’t given me cause to think any differently.”

 

“Doc,” John ran his hand over his brow, “I really don’t understand any of this.  If he really is Eugene, four hundred years on, what the hell is he doing here?”

 

“I don’t know John.  I really don’t.”  Marlena ran her hand lovingly down Belle’s hair.  “I guess we’ll find that out in due course.”

******

Kristen ignored the phone as it rang and looked instead at Q with anger in her eyes.

 

“What the *hell* makes you think I’d tell John *anything*?” she spat infuriatedly.  The phone stopped ringing as she stood her ground, staring him down.  “I love John.  And I will do *anything* to keep him.”  

 

“Well, obviously.”  Q rolled his eyes.  “In fact, I’m rather impressed by the lengths you *will* go to.”  He sighed.  “It’s just a pity you won’t succeed.”

 

“You don’t know that.”  Kristen was beginning to feel more confident.  She walked over to the dresser and opened the drawer.   She took out one of John’s sweaters and put it in the open suitcase.  “I’m going to marry John Black, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”  In a flash, Q was leaning on the dresser, in front of the suitcase, about six inches from Kristen.

 

“Don’t count on it,” he said contemptuously.  “I’ll make your life so miserable you’ll be *begging* to tell John what you’ve done.”  He reached into the drawer and drew out a picture of Marlena which had been hidden under some clothes in the corner.  “You’ll never be able to compete with *her*.”  He held the picture in front of Kristen’s face.  “You’re just a two-bit tramp and John will never even come close to loving you the way he loves her.”  

 

Kristen backed away, choking the tears down, as much from the shock of finding Marlena’s picture in John’s drawer as from what Q had said.

“You……I’ll tell John you’re harassing me.  I’ll tell the police,” she threatened desperately.

 

“Just try Krissy.  You’ll end up looking more insane than you already are.”  Q attempted what was supposed to be a placating smile, but which ended up as more of a grimace.  “Why don’t you make it easier on yourself and just tell John the truth.”

 

“Never!”  Kristen snarled like a wild animal backed into a corner. 

 

“Have it your own way.”  Q smiled unpleasantly.  “And make the most of it.  You’re not going to get your own way much longer.”  He put the picture back in the drawer and closed it, running his hand over it after he did.  “Just in case you get any ideas.”   He walked up to her and took her chin in his hand do she couldn’t look away.  “Good luck Kristen.  As they say, may the best,” he paused and winked at her, “woman win.” 

******

Sami put the phone down with a frown on her face.  It was unusual for the answerphone not to be on at the loft.  She flipped through Marlena’s address book and tried the number of John’s cellphone.  It too was switched off, but she left a brief message on his answering service although she suspected he already knew.

 

She picked up her mug of tea again and lay back, contemplating the previous few days.   One thing was for sure.  John wasn’t behaving like a man who was overjoyed about being a father and husband again.  It seemed obvious from his reaction to Marlena’s disappearance, that he still cared for her deeply and she wasn’t too sure her mother didn’t feel the same.  Still, it wasn’t her business.  She had too many of her own battles to wage to get involved in anyone else’s.

 

She heard Will’s cry and sighing; she swung her legs off the bed.  They landed on a pile of papers, and she remembered trying to find the address book and the mess she made while doing it.  She slid off the bed and crouched down, sorting the untidy papers and books into one large pile.  As she picked the pile up, she noticed the corner of a photograph caught between the pages of one of the books.  She set the pile on the bed and extracted the book.  She slipped the photograph out and was surprised to find it was an old one.  It had been taken before Marlena had disappeared and it was of a smiling John and Marlena, each holding a twin.  They looked so happy it made Sami’s heart ache.  

 

She opened the plain cover of the book to replace the photo and was immediately struck by her mother’s writing.  It appeared to be a journal, and as Sami glanced through it, she noted that it dated from when Stefano had held Marlena in Paris.  Although she hated it, she was unable to help herself and she turned back to the front page and began to read.

 

Chapter 12:  Truth and Lies

Sami’s fingers traced the indentations on the page as each word cut through her.  The journal told a story that Sami wasn’t sure she particularly wanted to read.  But it was too late now.  She’d started and there was no going back.  She read on.

 

Dear John,

 

To never see you again is pain; to know that you will spend the rest of your life with Kristen is more pain than I can bare.  She has built her life with you on lies and deception.  I hope, I pray that you will see the evil in her before too long.

 

Sami’s eyes flicked further down the page, unable to read the litany of Kristen’s misdeeds, too afraid that she would identify herself on that page.

 

Stefano doesn’t want you to know that I’m alive, so he’ll never let me send this journal to you.  even though you’ll never see this, expressing my feelings on paper seems to help me fight this overwhelming sense of despair.  I’m trying very hard to hold onto the hope that I can escape.  I think of you……I think of your love……it gives me such strength.  But Stefano is so evil John.  I’m not sure there is any way to beat him.

 

She reached out and pulled a tissue from the box that sat on top of the nightstand.  She brought it to her mouth where it blotted the tears that fell, but it didn’t take away the pain that Sami felt.  Marlena’s terror screamed from the stark page and Sami felt the pressing guilt of her selfishness again.  When John had told her that Marlena had been

taken by Stephano again she had been more concerned that Carrie had known before she had.  She closed her eyes and wondered if she could ever redeem herself before her family.  After a time she turned the page and began to read again.

 

Stefano is becoming more unstable every day. He has progressed from obsession to madness. He cannot understand or accept the fact that I will never return his love, that I will never willingly make love with him, that we will never live happily ever after together. I don’t think he’ll ever physically hurt me but as he sinks deeper and deeper into his fantasy, I can’t predict what could happen. I must find a way to escape; but how? It’s been impossible so far, but I can’t give up hope. I can’t bear the thought of never seeing my children, my family, my friends again . . .

 

Sami couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like never to see Will again.  To be taken from your family and your children, all because of one deranged madman’s fantasy.  She flicked through another few pages until a passage caught her eye.

 

John, be sure to tell the children I love them.  Especially our beautiful little Belle.  I may regret a lot of things I have done, but I do not, for one moment, regret her.  She must know that her momma loved her.  Also tell Sami how much I love her.  She has been through a lot, and I know she has a lot of things to work through.  I just wish I could be there for her when she arrives at that stage in her life.  She has such potential.  She is a beautiful intelligent young woman, and she could have anything she wants.  I pray that she finds a worthy goal.  Ask her to help Belle through this.  She will be the one person who understands what Belle is suffering.  And Eric.  My beautiful boy.  Tell him I always wished we had more time together.  And Carrie.  She knows I love her but tell her all the same.

 

I can’t bear the thought that I may never again see my children who have brought me such joy.  But knowing you are there for them John, helps a little.  I know you are not their real father, but you have always been there for them, and what more could one ask of a father.  

Sami put down the book and picked up the photo that was lying on the bed.  Marlena was right.  John *had* always been there.  Even when Sami had done her best to push him away.  He had never once walked out on them.  Ever.

******

Marlena’s hand felt warm and familiar in his as John walked out of the lift with her and the children.  They stood at the door for a moment, neither quite knowing what to say.  Belle broke the silence.

“Door Mommy!”  she demanded.  Marlena laughed and dipped her hand into her pocket to retrieve the key.  She unlocked the door and pushed it open, allowing the children to run in.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come in for a coffee,” Marlena berated herself for feeling so shy and nervous, “but it looks as though the decision has already been made.”  She glanced in the direction of the children who were climbing all over their grandmother in the hallway.

 

John knew he should really go back to the loft.  Kristen was likely to get upset after the day’s events, but he really couldn’t bring himself to say it.

 

“I’d like that.”  He smiled and a warmth flushed through her, making her wish, not for the first time, that she could tell John everything, Kristen and the child be damned.  But she couldn’t.  She couldn’t risk the life of an innocent child.  *Another* innocent child, a voice said stubbornly at the back of her mind.  When are you going to stop being a martyr, Marlena? 

 

“Shall we go in?”  John shook her from her thoughts.  She collected herself and smiled, about to agree when a voice from behind startled her.

 

“Sounds like a good idea.  I’m parched.”  Marlena whirled around and glared at Q.

 

“Eugene!  Will you stop sneaking up on me like that!”

 

“Why?  You afraid I’ll interrupt something juicy?”  Q grinned mischievously.

 

“Gene, you’re taking years off my life.  Please.  Can’t you behave like a normal person and make some noise when you arrive behind people?”

 

“I’m not a normal person.”  Q looked slightly offended.

 

“You don’t need to tell us that.”  John muttered.

 

“Well, I’m glad that’s one thing I don’t have to tell you.”  Q raised his eyebrows slightly but continued before he could be questioned.  “This is a very pleasant tête a tête, but are we going to stand out here all afternoon?”  He walked in between them and entered the penthouse.  John stared at his back and then looked at Marlena, who just shrugged and followed him in.  John shook his head and walked through the doorway, closing the door behind him.

******

Sami sat still, trying to make out the voices downstairs.  She closed the journal quietly and debated for a moment what she should do with it.  Her conscience told her to put it back in the drawer, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it.  Now she knew the truth about what Marlena felt for John, Sami felt more confused than ever.  To acknowledge that John and Marlena belonged together felt like a betrayal of her father.  On the other hand, how long was it since her father had actually deigned to contact her?  Sami could hardly remember the last time she’d received a hastily scribbled card.  It must have been a birthday.  Maybe Christmas.  

 

She shook her head and blinked away the tears.  Putting the journal under her arm, she straightened out the bed and put the papers back into the drawer.  She quietly slipped out of the room and into her own.  She tucked the journal away in the overnight bag on the bed.  At least she would know where it was until she decided what to do with it.  Wiping her face with the back of her hand, she composed herself and headed for the stairs.

She entered the lounge and stopped short when she saw Belle sitting on the floor, showing Brady one of her books.  Belle saw her astonished sister and scrambled over to her, wrapping her arms around Sami’s legs.

 

“Sami!  Belle home now.  You wanna pay wif me an’ Bady?”  She looked up at Sami, her grin transforming her face, making her look even more elfin than normal.

 

“Hey shortstuff!”  Sami, mirroring Belle’s expression swung the toddler into her arms.  “Yes, I can see you’re home.”  She turned to Marlena.  “Care to explain?”

 

“I really can’t Sami.”  Marlena had seen the wisdom in Q’s wish for the truth to remain between them and John.  She didn’t want Belle or Eugene exploited in any way and the best way to prevent that was to keep the facts of what had happened as quiet as possible.  “I had a call from the hospital while you were gone.  We’re just calling her our little miracle.”  Sami looked at Belle disbelievingly.

 

“There must be more to it than that.”

 

“Uh-uh.”  Marlena shook her head.  “That’s all.  I just wish I had more to tell you.”

 

“Yeah, well,” Sami raised her eyebrows.  “You’ve said that before.”   She turned and looked at Q reproachfully.  “And what is *he* doing back here?”  Marlena moved to Sami’s side and brushed her hair off her shoulder.

 

“Laura and I had a misunderstanding yesterday.  I’ve just had Eugene released.”

 

“Why?”  Sami let Belle slide to the floor.  “And why have you brought him back here?  That’s how the whole thing started.”  She glowered at Eugene.

 

“Sami, I really don’t want to go into this now.”  Marlena’s tone had a warning edge.  “We’ll talk about it later.”

 

“Sure.”  Sami walked over to Will, who was crawling happily around the floor next to his aunt and her brother and picked him up.  She walked over to the stairs and turned her head over her shoulder.  “Well, if he’s staying, I guess we’re going.”  She climbed the steps, leaving a silent room behind her.

John took a breath and looked at Marlena, still standing in the center of the room, looking at the staircase.

 

“Marlena, could I talk to you for a moment?”  She looked at him questioningly and then nodded as she noted his eyes flick to the door.  She beat him to it and as he followed her through, he turned to Q and Caroline.  “Excuse us, we’ll be back in a moment.”

 

They watched the couple leave and Caroline shrugged her shoulders in reply to Q’s unspoken question.  She busied herself with the children to cover the awkward silence.

******

In the kitchen, Marlena turned to face John.  ‘What’s this about John?” 

 

“It’s about *him* Doc.  Sami is right you know.  He did cause Belle’s accident and now you’re inviting him back?”  John looked uncertain, like he almost didn’t believe what he was saying but felt he should say it anyway.

 

“John, do we have to go through this again?”  Marlena sounded more than a little frustrated.  “It was an accident.  ‘Gene did not to it on purpose and besides, I think he’s more than atoned for that, don’t you?”

 

“That’s not the point Marlena.”

 

“Well, what is the point?”

 

“How do you know you can trust him?  If he’s telling the truth, he’s not really Eugene anymore.  He hasn’t been for about four hundred years.  So why the hell is he back here now?  He’s got an agenda and I don’t know if I trust his motives.  And I don’t see how you can take him at face value without questioning them either.”  John’s voice was low and resolute.  His look challenged her to disagree with him. 

 

“I don’t understand what you have against him John.  He’s my friend.  He might not have been around for a – a while,” John’s ironic laugh interrupted her, but she ignored it and carried on.  “But I trust him. That’s what friendship is about.  Whatever his motives are – he doesn’t intend to hurt me or-” 

 

She stopped suddenly, taking in the expression on John’s face.  She relaxed slightly and smiled.  “John Black, I do believe you’re jealous.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous Doc.”  John shook off the comment although he knew that deep inside there was a grain of truth in what she said.  “I just don’t trust the guy.  And I don’t think you should either.”

 

“Well, I do.”  Marlena smiled.  “And I’m afraid that nothing you say will change that.  So, I think we should just agree to disagree.”  John’s reply was cut off by the phone, which Marlena promptly picked up, glad to end the conversation.  

 

Until she discovered that Kristen was on the other end.  She handed John the phone and left the room, unwilling to listen to the conversation. “Hey Kristen, what’s up?”  John answered, trying to sound happy to hear her voice.

 

“Oh John, I’ve been waiting for you to get home.  Why have you been so long?”  Kristen sounded panicky and close to tears.

 

“Woah, slow down baby.  What’s wrong.?”

 

“I just need for you to come home honey.  I’ll tell you then.”  Kristen put down the phone before he could get any further information out of her.  He stared at the receiver for a moment and then put it down.  He made his way out to the living area.

******

“Is something wrong John?”  Marlena immediately knew he was concerned about something.  

 

“I’m not sure Doc.”  He paused for a moment and looked at the floor, where the children had been.

 

“They’re upstairs.”  Caroline informed him.  ‘Belle wanted to show Brady her new book.”  John turned to Marlena again.  “You wouldn’t look after him for the night would you Doc?”

 

“Of course I will.”  She followed him to the door.  “You know I love having him.  I think Belle loves it even more.”  She laughed, trying to lighten John’s mood but it didn’t work.  She leaned forward, brushing her lips across his cheek and whispered quietly.  “I hope everything is okay.”  He lifted his hand and caught her head, tangling his fingers in her thick hair.  “We haven’t finished our ‘discussion’ yet.  I’ll call you later.”  His voice was equally quiet and the sound and feel of him sent delicious shivers through Marlena.  She nodded and he freed his hand, drawing the

back of his fingers across her cheek.  Then he was gone.

 

Marlena turned to see Sami struggling down the stairs with the baby and her bags.  She went up to meet her.  “Sami, you don’t have to do this.”

 

“I think I do.”  Sami shunned her mother’s help and descended the staircase, to where Caroline was waiting at the bottom.  “Granma, could you give me a lift home?”  Caroline nodded, not wanting to get caught in the argument.

 

“Sami-” 

 

“Look Mom, just leave it.”  Sami interrupted her.  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”  Marlena nodded mutely, knowing nothing would change her daughter’s mind once it was made up.  Roman would have said she was stubborn, just like her mother.  Marlena wasn’t so sure.

 

She watched them leave and then turned back to the living room where Q was sitting quietly.

 

“She doesn’t like me.”  His statement was unemotional, like an everyday observation.

 

“She doesn’t know you ‘Gene.”  She sat on the sofa, suddenly feeling very tired.  “Anyway, I don’t think it’s you.  Sami is a law unto herself these days.  Most of the time I have no idea what she’s really thinking.  She seems to have made it her mission to punish me.”

 

“Punish you?  What for?”

 

“Everything.”  Marlena was close to tears, so utterly tired of this unending war between her and Sami.  Q sat on the couch next to Marlena and tentatively put his arm around her.  She leaned back against him and relaxed, collecting her thoughts.  He smiled, unaccustomed to the thought of a human actually feeling comfortable with him but he was glad she was, even after all this time.  

 

“Thanks Eugene.  Do you mind me calling you that?”  She smiled wryly.  “I just can’t get used to the idea of calling you a letter of the alphabet.”

 

“Eugene is my name too.”  Q grinned.  “It’s just a little rusty from disuse.  Anyway, I don’t know what you’re thanking me for.  I seem to have caused you nothing but trouble since I arrived.  Your daughter hates me, John doesn’t want me here-”

 

“Well, it’s none of Sami or John’s business.”  Marlena’s voice was firm.

 

“I think John would like it to be his business.” 

 

 Marlena detected a smile in Q’s voice, and she turned to face him. “What do you mean Eugene?”

 

“Haven’t you seen the way he looks at you?”  He shook his head.  “The way he animates when you walk in the room.  A bit like the way you light up when he arrives.”  He nudged her playfully.

 

“I think you’re indulging in a bit of wishful thinking there ‘Gene.”

 

“No, I don’t think so.”  He looked at her seriously.  “I think the two of you need to have a long talk about some pretty important things.”  

Marlena returned his look with sad eyes.  “There’s nothing to talk about anymore.  He made his decision back in Paris.  I have to abide by that.”  Her look beseeched him not to argue with her.  She was so tired of arguing with everybody.  She just wanted life to be quiet and happy again.  [Like it was when you were with John,]  the voice in her head insisted.

 

“But what if that decision was based on lies?”  Q’s question was slow and deliberate, as though he was working it through in his head as he voiced it.

 

“I would have agreed with you a month ago.”  Marlena leant her head back on his shoulder and contemplated the ceiling.  “But what could be worse than pretending to be pregnant?  John didn’t seem to have a problem with that,” she said bitterly, “so I doubt anything else I have to tell him would make much difference.”

 

“I think you’re underestimating John.  And Kristen.”  The insistent tone of his voice convinced her once more to turn her head and look at him. “You might just find that she’s done something even worse than hiding her miscarriage.”

 

“What do you mean?”  She wrinkled her brows.  “Do you know something?”

 

“I just mean that after all the other nasty, despicable things she’s done to keep John away from you, she’s probably capable of anything.”  Q fell silent, hoping he hadn’t already given too much away.

******

John was barely in the loft when Kristen attached herself to him.  An image of the alien from the film of the same name flashed unbidden into his mind and he couldn’t help the shudder that surged through his body.  Kristen’s grip released slightly, and he took the opportunity to step back.  Holding her at arm’s length he looked at her tear-stained face.

 

“What’s wrong Kristen?  Has something happened?”  Kristen gripped his hand tightly and spoke in a tremulous voice.

 

“Marlena’s *friend*,” she emphasized the word with a touch of irony.

 

“Eugene Bradford.”  John supplied the name for her.  She nodded. “While you were gone, he – he broke in here and he threatened me.”  The words tumbled over each other so that John wasn’t sure if he had misheard.  

 

He was about to question her when he noticed her wince and pull her hand to her stomach.  She was pale as he led her to the sofa and settled her down with a cushion behind her back.

 

“You say he broke in?”  John asked gently.   She nodded tiredly. 

 

“I’m not sure how.”   John knew how, but he wasn’t about to tell Kristen.  

 

“What did he say?”  Her face screwed up again as she attempted not to cry.  

 

“He said he’d make my life miserable and that he didn’t care if I lost our baby.”  Her efforts were to no avail as the tears trickled down her cheeks.  John, feeling a rare moment of tenderness toward her, pulled her close and held her.  When she had stopped crying he faced her again.  

 

“Do you have any idea why he said that to you, honey?  After all, he hardly knows you.”

 

“No, but he knows Marlena very well, doesn’t he?”  Kristen implemented the second phase of her plan to turn this to her advantage and so doing, twist the knife a little deeper into her rival

 

“You’re not trying to suggest that Doc put him up to it?”  John sounded positively shocked at the idea.

 

“Oh no,” Kristen shook her head.  “But I don’t understand why he would hate me so much John.  As you say, he hardly knows me.  But he did know you when you were married to her.”  The words stuck in her throat, but she had to say them as much as she hated the thought of John with Marlena.  “And he is her *best* friend.”  

 

The last sentence had the calculated effect on John.  He struggled to quell the part of him that desperately wanted to tell Kristen that *he* was Doc’s *best friend* and no-one would ever change that.  Except that he was no longer sure of that.  He wasn’t really sure of anything anymore.

******

Marlena retired to bed early after making sure the children were sleeping soundly.  She stood at the window and watched the sun set as she mused over John’s behaviour and Eugene’s words.  She wondered if he could possibly be right.  Was she so intent on doing the right thing, treading the narrow path she had chosen that she was blinding herself to John’s feelings?  If so, why hadn’t he made it more obvious?  [Probably for the same reason you don’t Marlena,] the little voice chimed in again.  

 

She rubbed her face with her hands and sighed.  The confusion she felt was just getting worse and she had a horrible feeling that she would not sleep again tonight.  She wandered over to the bed, kicking at the little fuzzy pellets of wool that had been scuffed up from the carpet.  She idly thought about having a word to the housekeeper when something poking out from under the bed caught her eye.  She picked up the photograph and smiled at the happy family.  Mom, Dad and two point seven kids. 

 

The drawer squeaked on its runners as she pulled it open.  She felt inside with one hand as she continued to study the photograph.  Suddenly she put the picture down and searched through the drawer with more purpose.    It wasn’t there.  It was gone.   Marlena suspected that she knew who had found it.  The question was, what did she plan to do with it?

******

John climbed the few stairs of the loft up to the bedroom and stopped as he surveyed the scene.  Clothes were strewn everywhere, and every drawer of both chests was open, bar one.  He gave a silent thanks as he realized what was in that drawer and just hoped Kristen hadn’t already stumbled across it.

 

“What’s going on here Kristen?” were the only words he could squeeze out of his tight chest.  

“Honey, I was going to tell you before you came up.  After what happened today, I just think that I would feel much safer back at the house.  You know the security is much tighter.  No-one could break in there.  Is that alright with you?”  She looked at him innocently knowing that he could not refuse her, especially since she was already half packed.  As she predicted, he nodded.

“Sure honey.  If it’ll make you happy.”   

“It will.”  She put her arms around him and leant against his chest. [It certainly will.  And if I can get rid of Marlena and her meddling lackey, I’ll be even happier.]

******

Q entered the bedroom to find Q2 floating in mid-air. 

 

“What are *you* doing here?”  He asked sullenly.

 

“I’ve come to tell you that you’re walking a bit too close to the line buddy-boy.”  Q2 descended from his lofty perch to stand on the ground. 

 

“Is that just your vaunted opinion or do you actually represent a widely-held belief?”  Q’s sneer came to the foreground again.

 

“The Continuum just wants to remind you of your obligations under our contract.”  Q2 snapped his fingers and produced a thick volume of paper in his left hand.  He passed it to Q.  “If you remember rightly, the agreement was that you had to reunite the two of them without giving anything of the truth away.  To anyone.”

 

Q put the bogus contract down on the bed and made it disappear.  “And I believe I am fulfilling my end of the bargain.  I have not divulged anything that could be construed as such.”

 

“Well just make sure you don’t.”  Q2 stepped closer to Q and poked him in the shoulder.  “Because you know what will happen if you do.  Pouf!”  He flung his hands out to demonstrate.  “No more Q for you,” he enunciated with a gleeful smile on his face, obviously thrilled at the thought of a Continuum without this particular Q.

 

“Don’t get too excited Q.”  Q said drolly.  “I have no intention of telling anyone…anything.  I have plans for Marlena and her *one true love* John.  And they don’t involve much talking at all…

Chapter 13:  Love and Anger

Kristen surveyed the bedroom with satisfaction.  Everything had been installed in the DiMera Mansion with what she considered was minimum fuss and bother.  It had been mostly clothes and personal effects that had been moved but she had taken a liking to several pieces of furniture and had insisted that they would be shifted as well.  John hadn’t been very keen but as usual, he had given in, knowing it was the easiest way to keep Kristen happy, and quiet.

 

It had taken most of the morning to get everything into the house and arranged just as she wanted it.  In fact, she had made sure it had taken that long on purpose.  Every minute John was helping her move, was a minute that he wasn’t with, or thinking about Marlena.  She smiled, thinking about his insistence that she not be allowed to carry any of the boxes, considering her ‘delicate’ state.  She was so glad that she had pulled off the second pregnancy, it was proving to be very useful.  And no-one was any the wiser.  Her smile fell as she remembered Eugene’s warning.  How the hell does he know about the mirror?  The only people that knew about that were Peter and herself.  And she knew she hadn’t spilled it to anyone else.  She pursed her mouth as she made a mental note to talk to Peter about it.  When she could find him.

 

Thinking about her visitor the previous day, she eyed the chest of drawers in the corner and scowled.  Whatever he had done to the drawer, it seemed permanent.  She hadn’t been able to open it after he had gone, or this morning, when she had tried while John was out of the room.  John didn’t seem to have any problems with it, and he had packed the rest of the clothes.

 

She walked over to it and pulled on the handle.  It stuck fast and she cursed under her breath, knowing no amount of pulling was going to budge it.

 

“What are you doing Kristen?”  John’s voice made Kristen jump and she whirled around, wildly looking for an excuse.  One that would make a feasible reason for opening John’s drawer.  Her eyes settled on his sweater which was laying on the chair.  In one movement, she picked it up.

 

“I was just going to put away your sweater honey.”  She hoped her smile was convincing.  “The drawer seems to be stuck.”

 

“You don’t need to put it away.”  He looked at her strangely.  “I’ve been wearing it.  I was just coming up to put it on again.”  He wasn’t entirely sure that he believed Kristen, given what was hidden in the drawer.  And he wasn’t about to open it for her so she could find it.  “Will you be all right here?  I’ve got to go and pick up Brady.”

 

“Why don’t I come with you honey?”  She ran her fingers down his cheek.  “We haven’t spent much time together in the last few days.  We could pick up Brady and go for a family outing.  After all, he’s got to get used to having a step-mom sooner or later.”

 

“It’s probably not such a good idea.”  He caught her hand in his.  “I’m going to have a word to Eugene and it’s probably better if you aren’t there.”

 

“I could wait in the car.”  Kristen’s tone was practically begging.  She had to keep him away from Marlena.  Especially with that Bradford character hanging around.  God knows what might happen.

 

“I won’t be long baby.  I’ll bring Brady back and we can all go out for dinner somewhere.”  John said firmly.  “There’s no use you hanging around in the car.  I’d feel better if you were safe back here.”  

 

Kristen nodded slowly.  It was obvious John was not going to give in over this.  Maybe she *would* just stay here.  And work on that damned drawer.  She had to get her hands on the picture of *Doc*.  And when she did, there wouldn’t be any of it left to put back in the drawer.

 

“Okay honey.  Just don’t be long, will you?”  She planted a kiss on his lips, which he returned somewhat reluctantly.  

 

“Okay.”  He nodded and squeezed her hand.  “You have a rest.  You’ve been very busy this morning.”  He patted her stomach.  “We wouldn’t want anything to happen.”  Again.  He shook off the unspoken word and left the room, his sweater in his hand.

 

Kristen watched him go, the frown returning to her face.  She had felt him pull back a little when she had kissed him, and it worried her.  She had to come up with a plan to win him once and for all, and she had to do it fast.  However, there was something else she had to do first.  She turned back to the drawers and wondered what she could use for a lever.

******

Marlena watched Brady chase Belle up the stairs in for the fourth time in less than an hour.  She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, trying to will her concentration back.  She had been trying to do some paperwork that she had brought home from the hospital, but every time she looked at the paper, the words merged into one another, and her mind wandered again.  There had been no sign of Q when she had awakened, despite the early hour of the morning.  She wondered where he had gone and hoped he wasn’t causing too much havoc, wherever it was.

 

And then there was Sami.  Marlena tossed the notepad back on the sofa and pulled her knees up to her chest.  She didn’t know what to do about Sami.  She was the most likely candidate for the missing journal, but Marlena had no idea what she planned to do with it.  She thought about just going around and asking her daughter but nixed it almost immediately.  Accusations weren’t going to get her anywhere with that tenuous relationship.  She would just have to wait for Sami to come to her.

 

 And she didn’t even want to *think* about John and that mess.  She didn’t really have time to, as Belle’s squeals at the top of the stairs caught her attention.

 

“Belle.  Brady.”  She called the children’s names.  “Are you two behaving yourselves?”  Belle’s elfin face appeared at the top of the staircase, peering through the banister.

 

“Bady lock himself in the bedroom wif Sarah.”  She said solemnly, referring to her favorite doll.  “He no pay fair.”

 

“Brady.”  Marlena called.  When there was no movement, she repeated his name a little louder.  She was just about to rouse herself from the sofa when he appeared next to Belle looking sullen.  “Brady, give Sarah back to Belle please.”  He looked like he was about to argue but changed his mind and handed the doll back to Belle.  “Belle, what do you say?”  she prompted.  

 

“Fankyou Bady.”  Belle smiled; the animosity forgotten.

 

“Good.  Now can you two children please play nicely.  Momma is trying to work.”  Instead of nodding as she expected them too, the children broke into peals of giggles.  She rolled her eyes and turned to look behind her, getting used to Q’s unusual entrances.  He was leaning against the wall, his eyes sparkling as he laughed with the children.

 

“Okay kids, can you go and play in your room please.  I need to talk to Eugene.”  The children obeyed as she turned back to her house-guest.

 

“Good afternoon Dr. Evans.”  Q greeted her with a flourish and a bow.  “I trust you had a nice quiet morning to reflect on our conversation last night.”  Marlena couldn’t help but smile at his persistence as she replied.  “I told you Mr. Bradford.  There’s nothing to reflect on.  So, you may as well give it up now.  John and I are just good friends, and nothing anyone does or says is going to change that fact.”

 

“You sound very certain of that fact.”  He raised his eyebrows.

 

“I *am* very certain.”  She lifted her pen to her mouth in contemplation.  “Where have you been anyway, that I might have such a *quiet* morning.”  She flicked her eyes to the top of the staircase, where the children had quietly crept back.  She didn’t have to say anything as they guiltily scrambled back to the bedroom.

 

“I have been out seeing ‘the sights’.  Or such as you could call it in Salem.  You know, I’d forgotten how small this town really is.”  He shook his head.  “You wouldn’t believe the people I ran into.”

 

“Oh, I probably would.”  She stood and stretched.  “There’s something about Salem that seems to draw people back.”  She walked over to him and put her arm around his waist as she looked out of the window.  “Eventually.”

******

Sami sat at the table, the journal open in front of her.  She had hardly slept last night, as first she had read the journal from cover to cover and then tossed and turned as she tried to forget what was in it.   Next to the journal, Sami had placed a photo of her mother and father and she and Eric as children.  It had been taken the Christmas after John and Marlena had broken the news that John wasn’t their father after all.  Their father was ‘Mr. Patrick’, and after seven years he had attempted to resume being their father, as though he had never been away.  

 

Sami could still remember the confusion she had felt as she called a strange man Daddy and turned away from the only father she had ever known.  She had been angry at John for what she had thought was his deception.  It wasn’t until later that she had come to understand that he hadn’t been able to help it any more than they had.  But by then it was too late.  John wasn’t part of their family anymore and she didn’t know how to communicate with him.  And then there had been that fateful night of the Titan party, when her illusions about her mother had been shattered and she had discovered that everyone was human.  Even her parents.

 

Another item sat on the table.  It was a silver hairbrush that John had given her that first Christmas.  The Christmas her mom and dad had reclaimed their family. After everything that had happened, he had given her the brush and mirror set, telling her that he had changed his mind about it.  He had decided that she was old enough and responsible enough to look after them.  After New Year’s, she had put them away, because she hadn’t wanted to hurt her father’s feelings.  It was ironic really, she mused.  Because not two months into the new year, he had disappeared for two months.  Leaving them alone again.  And not for the last time.

 

Sami rubbed her eyes angrily as she got up and walked away from the table.  Carrie and Austin had taken Will for the day, for which she was grateful.  She didn’t know if she could have coped, the way she was feeling.  She sat down on the threadbare couch and switched on the television, hoping to find some respite from her jumbled thoughts.  It didn’t work for long as she found herself drifting back to the journal and wondering what to do with it.  She turned the television off again and buried her head in her hands, trying to work out her options.  She concluded there really were only two.  And depending on which one of those she chose, lives could be changed irrevocably.

***** 

Carrie lay on the rug, watching the clouds float serenely across the blue sky.  A chortle from Will caught her attention and she looked across to where Austin was laying on his back, playing with Will, who was sitting on his stomach.

 

“Hey there little man.”  She smiled at the happy child.  He smiled back, flapping his arms and she rolled over onto her stomach, next to her husband.  “Honey, I’ve been thinking.”

 

“Uh-oh,” that’s dangerous!” he teased.

 

“Hah-ha!”  She whacked his arm.  “I’m serious.”

 

“Okay.  If you’re serious then.  I might be persuaded to listen.”  He puckered his lips and she leaned over and kissed him.  When she broke it off, he looked at her soulfully.  “I could do with a little more persuasion.”  

 

“Too much persuasion and you won’t have enough time to listen to what I have to say.”  Carrie shook her head.  “I’m thinking that maybe we should move.  Even buy our own house.”  Austin moved to speak, but Carrie laid her finger on his lips, quieting him.  “I just think that Will needs more than a grungy apartment.  Even if it’s only when he’s with us, I think he deserves better than that.”  Austin nodded.  

 

“You’re right.  I just wish that Sami wouldn’t insist on staying in that awful place.”  He frowned as he put Will down on the rug between them.  Carrie brushed a lock of hair off his forehead.

 

“I’m hoping that Marlena might persuade her to go and live in the penthouse for a while.  I thought I might have a word to her tomorrow.”  She moved a piece of grass from Will’s hand as it travelled the short distance to his mouth.  “So what do you think about the idea of a house?”

 

Austin took her into his arms.  “I think, Mrs. Reed, that it’s a wonderful idea.  When do you want to start looking?” 

 

“As soon as possible.” She beamed excitedly, lifting Will above her head so that he laughed.

 

The shadowy figure watched on silently from the undergrowth.  A happy family was such a rare commodity in Salem these days.  And soon it would be rarer still.

******

John checked his watch as the lift slowly made its way up to the penthouse.  It seemed to be taking forever.  Finally, the lift reached the top and the door slid easily open.  He was confronted with the sight of Marlena and Q, standing in front of the window, their arms around each other.  Marlena’s head was resting comfortably on Q’s shoulder, and they were looking out over the town.  John took a deep breath as he felt an uncontrollable surge of jealousy.

 

Marlena turned, hearing a noise behind her.  Her heart thumped as she saw John at the door, his expression betraying his misery.

 

“Don’t let me interrupt.”  His voice was low and held an undercurrent of anger.  “I’ve just come to pick up Brady.”  Marlena extricated herself and moved quickly to John’s side.

 

“You weren’t interrupting anything.  Eugene and I were just talking about the old days.”  Her statement was spoken in an equally quiet voice.

 

“Yeah, whatever.”  John was dismissive of her explanation.  He didn’t have any claim on Marlena, but it didn’t change the way he was feeling.  He was hurting and just wanted to get Brady and leave.  But first there was something he had to say.  He turned to Q.

 

“Bradford.  I believe you paid my fiancée a visit yesterday.  I don’t know what you’re up to.”  His face was stony, belying the anger he felt towards this almost-stranger.  “And to be quite honest I don’t trust you one bit.  You upset Kristen and in future I want you to stay away from her.”  He narrowed his eyes.  “And if you hurt anyone I care about,” his eyes betrayed him by straying to the woman beside him, “I’ll make sure you pay for it.”

“John!”  Marlena was both hurt and embarrassed by what he had said to her friend.

 

“It’s alright Marlena.”  It only took Q a few strides to cross the room.  “He’s right.  I did pay Kristen a visit.” 

 

“I don’t understand.”  Marlena shook her head, looking from Q to John.

 

“He threatened her.”  John informed Marlena, all the while, keeping his eyes locked to Q’s.

 

“Is that what she told you?”  Q’s mouth twisted into a sardonic grin.  “My, my.  That young lady is certainly *selective* with her version of the truth.”

 

“You-” John lunged for Q but came up with handfuls of air.  Marlena grabbed hold of him as he looked around for the other man.

 

“John.  Fighting isn’t going to solve anything.”  She attempted to calm him down.

 

“Now *she’s* right.”  They both turned to see Q sitting on the stairs, with a grim face.  “You see John, your *girlfriend* omitted some details of my visit.  Not that that’s anything unusual for her.  I think there’s a lot of things she’s neglected to tell you.  But that’s another story.”  He stood.  “I’m much more interested in what some other people are neglecting to tell you.”  He looked at Marlena with an unfathomable expression on his face.  “And to that end,“ he raised his hand,  “I think the two of you have some things to discuss.”  He snapped his fingers.  “In private,” he added needlessly to the empty room.

* * * *

John staggered slightly as his reality shifted and dissolved around him and then coalesced into a new actuality.  Marlena held onto him until he found his bearings.  They hadn’t shifted very far.  In fact, only one level.  They eyed Marlena’s bedroom disbelievingly.  Outside it was dark, even though the clock still read 3.30pm.  There were several candles dotted around the room and an exquisite bunch of roses on the dressing table.  To complete the atmosphere, a stereo played quietly in the corner.

 

“What is going on here Doc?”  John’s look was questioning.  Marlena shrugged, just as confused.  

 

“I don’t know John.” She tried the door, but it was stuck fast.  

 

“Is this Bradford’s idea of a joke?”  John’s anger returned.  Marlena closed her eyes, trying to think.

 

“I don’t think a joke is quite what he had in mind.  I think he’s trying to help.”  John didn’t have time to question her before her next move.  “Eugene?  Where are you?  I know you can hear me.  Let us out of here.”  There was no answer and though she tried again, the result was the same.  Sighing, she sat down on the bed.  “I guess we’ll just have to wait until he gets bored and lets us out.”

 

“And meanwhile, he’s doing what?”   John wasn’t going to be easily placated.  “He’s out terrorizing Kristen, the children?”

 

“Look John, I don’t know what Kristen told you, but I doubt very much that Eugene threatened to harm her.”

 

“He said he didn’t care if she lost the baby!”  John’s voice was raised, and Marlena’s eyes flashed feeling his anger directed towards her.

 

“Well, to tell you the truth John, he probably doesn’t!”  She regretted it as soon as it was out of her mouth.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“What makes you so sure that he won’t hurt anyone?  You don’t know him anymore.  He’s not Eugene.  He’s a different person.  You can’t trust him.”  John brought his fist down on the dressing table, making the items on it jump.  Marlena looked at him her eyes wide, reflecting his own ire.

 

“I *do* know him and I *do* trust him.”  She stood and walked over to John.  “And you have *no* right to question my judgment like that.”

 

“No right?!”  His laugh was strained.  “You have my child in the same house as a man that’s threatening my-” He cut off as the volume of the stereo suddenly increased.  “What the hell?”

 

The music swelled out of the speakers, and he looked at Marlena.  She moved to the stereo but couldn’t turn it off.  The duet began quietly but insistently and neither of them moved as the words filled the room.

 

Without you, standing by my side,

Love and fortune,

 passes me by

 

And you were my guiding light

It seemed so easy

When we said good-bye

 

How different would the world be now

If only we had worked it out somehow

What kind of fools are you and I

There would be stars up in the sky

If you were with me now

And I know that I may go astray,

But what’s to say,

That we can’t change our minds

 

My love burns stronger each day

If I’m sure of one thing

One love at a time

 

How could we throw our love away

When we had so much more than words – can say

The darkest clouds would fade away

To bring the light into my day

If you were with me now

Marlena tore her eyes from John’s and sat on the bed as her face flushed and her legs threatened to give way beneath her.  John swallowed hard and looked out of the window as the song continued, even louder.

If loving you is right

Then turn back the hands of time

(I’ll do anything to make you mine)

 

There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do

(I could make you feel my love for you)

 

If you were with me now

 

If you were with me now

The melody faded away as suddenly as it had begun.  Marlena sat silently, not daring to move.  Her heart ached in her chest, and she felt as if she couldn’t breathe.  She wanted to open a window, but John was there, and she couldn’t bear to let him see her cry.  So, she stood with her eyes downcast and headed for the door, praying that it would be open.

 

She had barely made three steps when a gentle hand tugged at her arm.  She stopped and closed her eyes tightly, silently begging him to let her go.  He didn’t and reaching his arm around her, he turned her around, holding on to her tightly clenched fists.  She was so afraid of what she’d find in his face that it took a moment before she could open her eyes.  In that moment, her world changed as she felt his soft and loving lips brush gently across hers.

Chapter 14:  Where To From Here?

Marlena trembled and instinctively took a step backwards.  Her eyes snapped open to see John follow her.  Registering the shock on her face, John released her hands and opened his mouth to speak.  Seeing something he couldn’t quite define in her eyes, he stopped short, looking at her fists.

 

“I feel like I should apologize Doc.”  He shook his head, choosing his words slowly and deliberately.  “But I find I don’t want to.”  He blew out a short breath and let a small sense of realization touch his lips.  “I have wanted to do that for *so* long -” he stopped again, misreading the pain that flashed across her face.  “Oh God, I’m sorry, I’m being selfish.”  His chest hurt as he saw the tears that she was trying to hold back.  “I was thinking about what I wanted and that’s not fair to you.  I know you don’t feel that way for me anymore.”

 

“Don’t -” Marlena blurted the word out.  He looked at her questioningly as she gained some semblance of composure.  She took a deep breath and continued, answering his unspoken query.  “Don’t apologize.”  She took a step toward him, looking him squarely in the eye.  “I wanted it as much as you.”

 

“You did?”  John was trembling now too, as he looked and saw the evidence of what she told him in her eyes.  Never breaking her gaze, he tentatively reached out to touch her cheek, as if he were checking that she was real, and not just a figment of his imagination.

 

As skin touched skin, he breathed, drawing in her scent and he let out a sound that was a strange half laugh and half sob.  Marlena closed her eyes, as if trying to imprint the feeling of his touch in her memory forever.  He traced the contour of her cheekbone and ran his fingers down the softness of her cheek.  Reaching her jawline, he gently pulled her to him and brushed his lips against hers again.  Marlena let out a gasp, feeling as though a jolt of electricity had just run through her.  Moving closer to John, her lips searched until they captured his again.  This time their kiss was more than just a soft touch.

 

After what seemed like minutes, they pulled apart, both feeling a little off-balance.  Marlena, now running purely on instinct, took John’s hand in hers.

 

“You’re wrong you know,” she whispered softly in his ear.  John’s skin seemed to burn at the mere suggestion of her touch. 

 

“Wrong about what?”  he breathed, not daring to move, lest he break this spell that they were both under.  She pulled back so she could see his eyes and she laid her hand on his cheek.  

 

“I love you, John Black.”

 

She felt his body stiffen in surprise as he heard the words, he thought he would never hear from her again.  His jaw fell slightly before he recovered and she smiled, knowing her face conveyed the truth as well as any words could.  Still, she continued.  “I always have.  Oh God, I’ve never *stopped* loving you.”

 

John reached out to brush away a tear that was clinging tenaciously to her lash.  “You haven’t?”  His confusion was evident as he screwed up his face in an effort to understand what she was saying.  “You love me?  Why didn’t you tell me?”  Marlena wanted to take him into her arms and smooth all of the pain out of the face she loved so.  Instead, she faced him and took on his pain as she explained.

 

“Because I thought that *you* didn’t love *me* anymore.  And then it became impossible to tell you -” He smothered the rest of her sentence with a kiss that left her breathless.  He slipped an arm around her waist and brushed a strand of hair from her face.

 

“*Never* doubt how I feel about you again Marlena Evans,” he said, as he traced the outline of her mouth with his index finger.  Catching the tip of it, she kissed it and then flashed him a brilliant smile that sent his heart soaring.

 

“Oh, I won’t.”  She reached up and slid her hand around to the nape of his neck.  With a gentle pull, she leaned forward into an exquisite kiss which left her whole body tingling and wanting to go back for more.

 

John felt her body mold to his as he pressed it close.  His tongue searched out hers and tried to capture it in a dance of pure passion.  Breaking the kiss, Marlena tilted her head back, exposing her creamy white skin to John’s advancing lips.  A sigh slipped from her as he found the hollow at the base of her throat.  Still exploring her sweet flesh with his mouth, his hand rediscovered the cherished curves of her body, making her squirm under his touch.

 

Suddenly, and without warning, Marlena pushed him away.  Her rational side had broken through the instinctual and before she went any further, that she had to know.  She took in the confusion and pain he displayed at her retreat and spoke with a hint of anxiety.

 

“I have to ask John.  What about Kristen?”

 

John froze for a moment, realizing with a shock, that he hadn’t even had a passing thought about his fiancée in the last ten minutes.  One touch and all thoughts of Kristen had been banished from his mind.  He studied Marlena’s face for a clue as to what she thought he was going to say.  He could only discern worry and he resolved to be honest.

 

“To tell you the truth Doc, I hadn’t even thought about Kristen.”  He saw her face fall, and he continued quickly, to allay her fears.  “And I think that says it all.  I thought I loved Kristen, but you,” he shook his head, a smile forming, “being here with you makes me realize the truth.  I’m just honoring a commitment I made because I felt I didn’t have any choice.”  He reached for her hand, but she pulled it out of his reach.

 

“You had a choice, John.  There’s always a choice.”  She sat heavily on the bed.  “You found out in Paris that Kristen lied to you about the baby but you *chose* to stay with her.”  Her look begged for an explanation.  Any explanation.  John attempted to give one to her.

 

“She was upset Doc.  She’d lost her mother and child, both in a matter of days.  She was distraught and I felt responsible for that.  If it hadn’t been for me, she wouldn’t have been there in the first place.  So when she wanted to come back to Salem…”  he trailed off, knowing how lame it sounded.  

 

He looked at her for a moment and then sat on the bed next to her.

 

“I was wrong Marlena.  I lied about my feelings.  To you, to Kristen, even to myself.  But now,” he shook his head, “I couldn’t go back to Kristen even if I wanted to.  I love you.  But even if you won’t have me, I’d rather be alone than live with someone that I didn’t love.”

 

“But she’s carrying your child.”  Marlena said hoarsely.

 

“Yes, she is.  And to be honest Doc, up until now, that fact has tied me to her, more than any other.  But that’s no basis for a marriage.”  He forced a smile.  “I’ll support my child, but I can’t marry it’s mother.”  He took her hand, relieved that this time she did not withdraw.  “Not when I’m in love with you.”

 

She examined his face carefully, needing to know that he believed what he was saying.

“Doc, I mean it.  If you don’t want me, after everything that I’ve done, I’ll understand.  If you need me to prove myself to you, I will.  Any way you want.”  He shook his head and she saw his sincerity clearly.  “Just don’t ask me to stay with Kristen, Doc.  Not for the baby, not for,” he paused, “anything.”  She smiled and squeezed his hand, thinking how much she loved this man.  No matter what either of them had done, she knew she could never maintain her anger at him for very long.   “Sweetheart, that’s one thing I’ll never ask you to do.”  His expression lightened and he returned the pressure of her hand.  

 

“I don’t know why I ever thought I *could* do it.”  

Before Marlena could reply, the music from the corner increased, almost as if on cue.  This time, however, John merely laughed.  

 

“How does he do that?  It’s almost as if -” he cut his comment short, realizing what he was just about to say.  “Oh man.  I don’t even want to *think* that.”  Marlena laughed light-heartedly and then put her finger to John’s lips as the lyrics began to glide through the speakers.

 

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy that you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream that you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I’ll be forever thankful baby

You’re the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You’re the one who saw me through it all

 

John noticed Marlena shiver slightly, even though the room was perfectly warm.  In one movement he was pulling her into his arms, wanting to soothe away all the pain she had been suffering for such a long time.

 

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best that there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ‘cos you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

 

Marlena relaxed into the blissful feeling of the strong arms that surrounded her.  John brushed her hair off her shoulder and ran his finger down her neck and across her collarbone.

 

You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand I could touch

the sky

I lost my faith you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love I had it all

I’m grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don’t know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved

by you

 

John’s fingers moved downward, tracing a familiar path down and over the curve of her breasts, as he watched the sensations play across her face.  She felt his hand searing a path along the soft curve of her hip and down to her thigh and she quivered with the delicious responses that it brought.

 

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best that there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ‘cos you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

 

John’s eyes roved over Marlena’s face, reacquainting himself with every detail.  His fingers followed in their wake; reawakening memories he had dared not live for a long time.  Marlena returned his gaze, losing herself in his loving eyes.

 

You were always there for me

The tender wind that carried me

A light in the dark shining your love into my life

You’ve been my inspiration

Through the lies you were the truth

My world is a better place because

of you

 

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best that there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ‘cos you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

The music died into a whisper once again, but this time neither of them noticed it, as they sat bewitched in this dream they found themselves in.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Marlena flushed slightly as John’s hand moved to undo the top button of her cotton blouse.  He hesitated momentarily, but then seeing the invitation implicit in her eyes, he continued.  He slid the blouse slowly off her shoulders and bent his head to kiss them.  She moaned as his hair brushed her cheek, and she buried her face in it, breathing in the scent of him.  John’s kisses burned a trail across her flesh as he made his way down to the soft swell of her breasts.  His lips grazed a line above her chemise before he slipped the thin straps over her shoulders and let it fall in a silken pile around her waist.  

 

Before he could disrobe her any further, Marlena decided to get in on the act.  Taking hold of the bottom of John’s T-shirt, she pulled it up and over his head.  She tossed it on the floor as she ran her fingers lightly down his chest.  She felt his stomach harden at her wandering touch and smiled at the familiarity of it.  

 

She was so intent on his chest, she was startled when his hand worked its way up into her thick hair and pulled her forward for a kiss.  While one hand stayed on his chest, the other wove into his equally thick hair, ensuring the kiss was passionate and long.

 

When Marlena finally stopped to catch her breath, John’s hand gently pulled her down towards the bed.  Complying, she eased back and helped him as he moved her up into a more comfortable position on the bed.  In one quick movement, John was straddling her, desire shining in his eyes.

 

Slowly, almost reverently, he ran his hands down the length of Marlena’s body, stopping when he reached the waistband of her blue denim jeans.  Slipping his hands beneath her, he quickly undid her brassiere.  Hooking a finger under each strap, he pulled it off, allowing her breasts to fall free.  Marlena let a giggle slip as he threw the article over his shoulder.

Smiling, John swooped down and caught her lips with his.  Teasing her, he pulled out of reach, but not for long as she quickly pulled him back, needing to taste him again.  Disentangling her fingers from his hair, he drew her hands up over her head and held them there with one hand, freeing the other for more *important* matters.  Then working his way down, he kissed her eyelids, her nose and then her mouth.  Not content to rest there, he showered her jaw with kisses, paying special attention to her earlobe.

 

“Do you still like this?”  he murmured softly before catching it lightly between his teeth.  Her sharp intake of breath told him that she still did.  His lips and tongue continued their slow course, down her neck and onto her chest.  She groaned as he explored what seemed like every inch of her neckline, never straying downward.

 

Still holding her arms, John decided he’d made her wait enough and his mouth found its way to her breasts.  Concentrating first on one, then the other, he teased her flesh expertly with his lips and tongue, until she was moaning.  Marlena felt his free arm slip under her arched back. lifting her body to meet his insatiable thirst for her.  She gasped as she felt his hot mouth on her nipple, feeling the lust rip through her body.  He continued, lightly running his tongue in circles around one nipple, then the other until she felt she would surely go mad.

 

Then suddenly her arms were free and he continued ever downward.  As his mouth maintained its pilgrimage down her stomach, his hand slowly worked its way down her outer thigh.  She shuddered as he retraced its route, this time up the inside.  She imagined that she could feel the heat of his fingers, even through the stiff denim.  Reaching down, she pulled on his shoulders.  He looked up and then smiling, he scrambled his way up her body. 

 

Supporting himself with his broad forearms, he lowered himself down until he was almost on top of her.  That wasn’t good enough for Marlena and settling her arms around him, she pulled him down until their bodies touched.  He sighed, feeling the softness of her breasts against his chest and he began to trace the outline of her features with his finger.  Marlena, with a wry smile on her face, pulled her legs out from under him and wrapped them around his hips.  It was his turn to groan, as she squeezed them, pulling herself up and pressing against him.

 

Seeing that he had his eyes shut, she deftly caught his finger between her teeth and started to work on it with her tongue.

 

“Oh God Doc!”  The words exploded form John’s throat as he pulled his finger away and replaced it with his lips.  Burying his fingers in her hair, he kissed her as if his life and soul depended on it.  Marlena renewed the pressure of her thighs and ran her hands down his well-muscled back, her fingernails scraping light grooves into his skin.  By now, the proof of his physical desire for her was more than evident.  

 

Breaking away, he left her to contemplate her bruised lips.  He pulled her legs from around him and kneeled back, almost on the edge of the bed.  Watching her face, he ran his hands down her body, stopping again at denim and silk constricting her waist.  Slowly he unbuttoned her jeans, delighted at the tremors that ran the length of her body.  When he had all the buttons undone, he expertly lifted her body and stripped off the chemise and jeans in one easy movement.  Dropping them on the floor, he turned his attention to her panties.  Slipping his hands in between the panties and her hips, he slid them off, gliding his hands down the length of her legs.

 

Marlena shivered slightly, feeling for the first time, a little vulnerable, as he dropped the panties and swept his hungry gaze the length of her body.  Her discomfort was soon replaced by the warm glow of anticipation as John quickly divested himself of *his* jeans.  Sitting up, she quickly grabbed his boxers with two hands.  In no time at all they had joined the litter of clothes in the nether regions of the room.

 

Pushing Marlena back onto the bed, John ran his hands up the silkiness of her inner thighs.  He felt her muscles tense and she cried out as he reached his destination.  Finding that she was more than ready for him, he crawled back on top of her.  He could feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest and he explored her face with his eyes once again, feeling as if he could never get enough of this incredible vision.  He tucked her blonde hair behind her ear and ran his finger over her red lips.

Feeling her slow, rocking movements against him, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer and he lifted himself slightly off her.  Slowly and gently, he slipped into the ecstasy of her warmth.  Almost instantly she cried out his name and wrapping her legs around him again, she pulled him into her.  John bit his lip to keep from crying out as her movements became more intense.  He joined her and together they created a sensuous rhythm that urged them both toward their peak.

 

Knowing he was building to a point of no return, John tried to pull away.  Marlena resolutely kept her strong legs pinned around him and shook her head mutely.  He was drawn back by her eyes and with no further thought, he found himself kissing her again.

 

Their rhythm intensified again, and their movements were short and strong.  Marlena’s breaths were coming in short gasps, and this inflamed John even further.  Summoning all the energy he had left, he drove deeply into her and moaned as he felt her body tense under him.  Once more he moved into her and feeling her begin, he let himself go.  Marlena cried out his name as she felt her consciousness engulfed by the waves of sensual bliss.  She felt John’s surge and then his shudder as he came at last to her love. Their bodies and their souls combined to become as one and each of them felt that never again would they, or could they, be parted from this love.

Chapter 15:  No Way Out

Marlena stared unseeingly at the window and the dark sky beyond.  Beneath her, John’s heart beat steadily and calmingly.   His arms fit snugly around her, and his steady breaths whispered past her ear.  Moving her head slightly, she looked at the clock.  The bright glow of the numerals told her that barely two hours had passed since they had first been locked in the bedroom.  Silently she surveyed the rest of the room.  Her lips curved into a wry smile as she noted the clothes, which seemed to have gravitated to the four corners, as far away from the bed as they could possible get.  The scent of the roses drifted lazily across the room, and the candles burned as brightly as they had two hours ago.  

 

Taking a deep breath, Marlena stretched and then rolled onto her stomach, pulling the sheet with her.

 

“Hey!”  John pulled the sheet back over himself.  “Where’d you think you’re going with that sheet?”

 

“I thought I might check the door again.”  Marlena smiled at him sweetly as she propped herself up with one arm.

 

“Do you *have* to?”  John moved closer to her and ran his palm across the soft flesh of her stomach.  “I could think of much more *exciting* things to do.”  Marlena closed her eyes as his exploration sent tremors through her again.  

 

Abruptly she pulled away from him and slipped out of the bed.  Scanning the floor, she picked up his T-shirt and pulled it over her head.  Pulling her long blonde hair free, she picked her way across to the door.  John couldn’t peel his eyes away from her as she tried the door and found it still locked.  Her face was suffused with that glow he recognized so well.  The flush that touched her cheeks and lips was a dead give-away of their recent love-making.  His eyes travelled further down, over the curve of her breasts and down to where the T-shirt stopped abruptly, just below the soft curve of her behind.  His gaze continued its sweep down her long shapely legs.  

 

“It’s still locked.”  Marlena said pointedly.  “Now if you’ve finished getting your eyeful, maybe we can figure what to do about getting out of here.”  John grinned.  

 

“And what an eyeful it was!”  Marlena narrowed her eyes and walked over to where he lay in the bed, the sheet draped strategically over his lower torso.  She bit back a smile.

 

“If you’ve finished, maybe we could get back to the matter in hand?”  John leaned forward and whipping his hands around her, pulled her onto the bed.

 

“Which matter would you like in hand?” he whispered softly in her ear.  “This matter?”  His hand dove under the T-shirt .  “Or perhaps *this* matter?”  Marlena gasped as his hand found its way between her soft thighs.

 

“Oh God John!”  She batted his hand away.  “Stop it.  I’m, trying to be serious.”

 

“So am I.”  John’s finger on her lips and the earnestness of his eyes made her falter and she almost lost her resolve.   But steeling her determination, she moved away from him.

“I’m worried about the children.  I want to make sure they’re okay.”  The mention of the children caught John’s attention and he looked thoughtful.

 

“Have you heard them at all?”  he asked.

 

“No, but then,” She paused, her eyes glinting in the candlelight, “I haven’t really been paying much attention to…”

 

“Outside influences?”  John finished for her.  “No, I haven’t either.”  He leant his head on one side and chewed on his lip for a moment.  “It’s hard to tell what’s going on outside this room.”  He took a deep breath.  “Brady!  Belle!”  he called loudly.  There was no answer.

 

“Perhaps we could try ringing someone to get us out of here.”  Marlena suggested as she moved into a kneeling position.  John nodded and twisted his body around to pick up the receiver.  After a moment he put it back down with a frown.

 

“Dead?”  

John nodded.  “He really thought of everything, didn’t he.”

 

“Well, I guess we just have to trust that he is looking after the children.”  Marlena’s calm facade belied the tension she was feeling.

 

“Well,” John paused and then took Marlena’s hand in his.  “You trust him.  And I guess that’s good enough for me.”  Marlena smiled thankfully at him, his confidence easing her worries.  She was still for a moment as her thoughts played.  Then her face broke into the impish grin that was so reminiscent of Belle.

 

“You were talking,” she pulled the sheet back with a flourish, “about taking matters in hand.  How do you feel about *this* matter?”  She was rewarded by a moan from John.

******

Q entered the Brady pub, a child’s hand in each of his.  Caroline came towards them with an expression somewhere between concern and relief on her face.

 

“Eugene, dear.”  She greeted him.

 

“Granma!”  Belle and Brady squealed simultaneously.  Tearing themselves from Q’s hands, they threw themselves at the Brady matriarch.  Kneeling down, she gathered them into her arms.

 

“Well now.  Hello you two.”  Caroline squeezed them.  “Why don’t you go and see Granpa.  He’s in the kitchen.”  Belle and Brady ran off, disrupting the patrons with whoops and shouts.  

 

Caroline watched them reach the door and then turned to Q.  

 

“Marlena asked me to bring them over.”  He said by way of an explanation.

 

“Oh.”  Caroline nodded her head, not quite believing Q, but not finding any reason to disbelieve him.  “Why?  Is she going out?”

“Let’s just say, she’s…otherwise engaged.”  Q chose his words carefully.  Caroline was thoughtful for a moment.

 

“I thought John was going to pick up Brady from Marlena’s today.”

 

“He was.”  Q paused.  “He’s busy too.”  He smiled and held out his hand.  ” It’s nice to see you again Mrs. Brady.”  She extended her hand and shook his.  

 

“You too.”  She said slowly.

 

“Well, I have to run.”  He wore what he liked to think of as his most cheery smile.  “I have some business to take care of.”  He turned around

 

“Wait.”  Caroline said quickly.  He turned back and looked at her expectantly.  “Do you know when they’ll be in to pick up the children?”

 

“I wouldn’t know.”  Q shook his head.  “Whenever they’ve done what they have to do, I guess.  But I wouldn’t expect to see them before the morning.”  He winked and tipped an imaginary hat.

 

“Caroline!”  Caroline turned around as she heard Shawn’s voice.  Turning back to say good-bye to Q, she discovered he was already gone.

* * * * * * *

 

John groaned again as Marlena’s fingers worked their expert magic.

 

“Doc!”  He pulled her hand away.  “Much more of that and I won’t be any good to you…”

 

“Any good for what?”  she asked mischievously.

 

“Come here and I’ll show you.”  John pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed her palm.

 

“No.”  Marlena said seductively, pulling her hand away.  “Why don’t *I* show *you*?”

 

“Why don’t you do that?”  John gave in, his voice husky with desire.

“Hold that thought, I’ll be right back.”  Marlena slipped off the bed.  John watched her walk to the en-suite, fascinated with the way the T-shirt was riding up, giving him glimpses of her beautiful rear.  She returned quickly, a bottle in her hand.

 

“Roll over.” she commanded firmly.  

 

“Ow!”  John uttered as he swiftly obeyed.  “This isn’t all that comfortable Doc…”

 

“I’ll take care of that in a few minutes.”  Marlena promised with a smile as she climbed on the bed.

 

Unscrewing the top of the bottle, she poured some of the aromatherapy oil in her hand and put the bottle back on the bedside table.  She rubbed the palms of her hands together to give some warmth to the oil and then applied it to John’s generously broad shoulders.  Working the oil in, she began to massage his shoulders and neck.

 

“Oh God Doc, I’d forgotten how good that feels.”  John muttered into the pillow.

 

“I hadn’t.”  Marlena answered, working her thumbs up his neck.

 

Pouring some more oil in her hand, she swung her leg over and sat astride him, working the oil into his skin.  Her hands made broad arcs over his back, eliciting fresh groans from him every time she found a new muscle group.  Reaching his waist, she ran her hands over his buttocks without hesitating.   Working the last of her handful of oil into that particular area, she ordered him to roll over again.  As he obeyed, she stripped off the T-shirt with a wicked grin.

 

Taking the bottle, Marlena tipped it up and watched, her lips parted as the thin stream of golden liquid fell among the black hair of John’s chest.  John stared at her, mesmerized as she put the bottle back on the table and moved over him again.  Her body was silhouetted by the candlelight and her breasts swung tantalizingly near.  Her hair fell in a curtain round her face as she spread her fingers and worked them up his chest.  Making sure the oil was worked to all areas, she proceeded to massage his chest, paying particular attention to his pectoral muscles.  

 

Noticing he had his eyes closed, she bent her head and took one of his nipples in her mouth.  John shuddered as he felt the hot wetness of her tongue circling him and then let out an involuntary cry as she nipped it lightly with her teeth.  With a smile of satisfaction, she sat back up and shifted further down his body.  Pouring more oil in her hand, she massaged down his stomach until she reached her goal.  Smiling at John, she took him in her slippery hands.  Pausing, she couldn’t resist.

“Well, it looks as if these matters have come to a head.”  she said, before a laugh burst sexily from deep in her throat.  John could do nothing but moan. 

 

Watching his face carefully, she explored his hardness with her fingers, and then with firm, smooth strokes, she ran her hands up his length.  Feeling John moving in time with her, she increased the tempo of her caresses.  When John couldn’t stand it anymore, he caught her hand and pulled it away.

 

“What do you want John?”  she asked before wetting her lips.  John swallowed, not trusting himself to open his mouth he was concentrating so hard.  “Come on John.  I want to hear it from you.  What do you want?”  she demanded.

 

“You.”  John croaked.

 

“What was that?”  Marlena said softly.  “I didn’t hear you.”

 

“I want you, Marlena.”  He stared at her intently.  “I need you.”  

 

Marlena merely smiled and moving up the bed, she positioned herself over him.  Lowering herself, she stopped just inches above him.

 

“How much do you want me?”

 

“You have *no* idea.”  John shook his head, his eyes pleading with her to finish what she had begun.  She paused for a moment and then, her own urges getting the better of her, she decided to take pity on him.  John grasped her hips and guided her down, gasping as he felt her warm, wet flesh on his.

Gently at first, Marlena moved up and down, and then faster, as she abandoned herself to the feeling of having him inside her.  John opened his eyes and was transfixed by the sight of her on top of him, moving to an unheard rhythm.  Her eyes were closed and her back arched, her fingers digging grooves into his shoulders.  

 

Suddenly she stopped, lifting herself off him.  Steadying herself, she dropped back down again, burying him inside her, as far as he could go.  Hearing John’s panting and echoing it with her own, she repeated the movement, building it into a steady repetition.  The sweat that covered their bodies made it difficult for John to get a firm grip on her hips and he moved his hands up to her breasts.  Cupping each with a hand, he began to massage them.  With each movement, the rhythm became stronger and faster, their lovemaking more frenetic.

 

“Oh God.  Doc, I can’t…”  John cried, knowing he couldn’t hold off much longer.  Marlena responded by renewing her pace.  Every thrust now brought a cry from deep within her, and with one final supreme effort, she moved forward, the waves of her climax overtaking her.  Unable to help himself, John let out a long loud moan as he joined her discharging himself deep inside her.

Exhausted, Marlena rolled off John and on to the tangled mess of sheets that lay on the bed.  John lay unmoving, staring at the ceiling.  After a few minutes, he rolled onto his side to look at her.

“Thank you, Marlena.”  His voice was soft and sensual.

 

“For what?”

 

“For reminding me again of what we share.  I must have been *blind* not to realize…”  his voice faded as he ran his finger down the side of her cheek.  Marlena wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her.

 

“That I loved you?”  He nodded as tears blurred his vision.  “Well, just make sure I don’t have to remind you again,” she said gently.  He shook his head and reaching up, softly kissed her.  

 

“You won’t.”  Relaxing, he rested his head on the soft pillow of her breasts while she ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing it into place around his face.

 

Marlena stared at the roses, trying to collect her thoughts.  The evening had been so wonderful, she didn’t want to spoil it for John by recounting Kristen’s various plots and schemes over the previous few months.  That could wait until the morning.  Or later.  Still, the topic of Kristen could not be allowed to rest entirely.  Not until they’d decided what to do.

 

“John?”  She ventured, breaking the peaceful silence that had settled over the room.

 

“Mmm-hmm?”

 

I hate to have to ask this, but what do you plan to do about Kristen?”  John let out a small groan.

 

“Let’s not ruin a perfect evening by talking about her.”  he entreated.

 

“I’d rather not either,” Marlena granted, “but we have to discuss this.  Kristen lost her last baby.  She could just as easily lose this one.  And this certainly has the potential to cause just that.”  John sighed.

 

“I know.  I just don’t know how we can avoid it.”

 

“I think that any way you tell her is going to be risky.  Of course, there’s always the other option,” she said slowly, running her finger leisurely down his arm.

 

“What option would that be?”  John asked, making his own exploration of the delectable curve between her waist and hip.

 

“The one where you don’t tell her.” 

 

John tore himself away to look at her face.

 

“No way Doc.”  He shook his head vehemently.  “I won’t do that.  I’ve lived a lie for far to long.  I refuse to live it any longer.”  Marlena brushed his hair from his forehead.  

 

“I didn’t mean-“

 

“I know exactly what you meant Doc, and I’m not doing it.”  He took her hand in his

 

“I love you Marlena Evans and I want the world to know it.  I’ll tell Kristen tomorrow that I’m leaving.  I’ll be as gentle as I can but she has to know the truth.  If something happens-” he paused,  “well, I’ll have to take that chance.”

 

Marlena smiled and studied his blue eyes.  “Are you sure John?  I know how much you love this child and what it means to you.”

 

“Yes, I do love this child.  And I love the child I have with you.  Belle and Brady deserve to have and be part of a family.  And we can give it to them.  We don’t have to wait.  And after tomorrow,” he pulled her closer, “we won’t have to.”   He was taken by surprise as Marlena kissed him passionately.    She eventually broke away and looked at him with a delighted smile.  

 

“And we can finally be a proper family.”

Chapter 16 – Tease and Q’s

Q picked up the jar of moisturizer that sat on the shelf.  He read the label carefully and then looked in the mirror.  Shaking his head, he set the pot down and ran his eye over the other items in the cupboard.  The heavy foundation was almost finished, and a new full bottle sat next to it.  A bottle of new looking cleanser sat untouched on the lower shelf.  Q picked up a ratty old lipstick and opened it.  He made a face at the vivid color.  He threw it down on the counter and opened a drawer.  It was crammed full of various boxes and Q picked one out.  Turning it over, he found that it was an unused pregnancy predictor kit.  He tossed it back in the drawer and smiled as he looked at the watch he had taken to wearing.  Things were going quite nicely.

 

Hearing the doorknob click, he leant on the counter and arranged himself, pasting a big grin on his face.  Kristen walked in, not seeing him as she looked over her shoulder towards the chest of drawers.

 

“Ms. DiMera.”  At the sound of his voice. Kristen jumped and he saw the color drain from her face.

 

“What are you doing here?” she hissed angrily.

 

“Kristen, Kristen.”  Q shook his head.  “What kind of a greeting is that for a guest?”

 

“You’re no guest of mine.”  Kristen narrowed her eyes.  She decided that she wasn’t going to let him get the better of her this time.  He was not going to upset her.  “What the hell do you want with me anyway?  Why don’t you go and bug someone else?”

 

“I’ve already told you what I want Kristen.  I want you to tell John the truth about,” he paused and smirked, “*everything*.  Nothing less will do.”

 

“And I’ve told you.  I’m not telling John *anything*.”  She pushed past Q, trying not to let him see the fear that was growing in the pit of her stomach.  He had made it into the house, *into her bathroom*, without anyone seeing.  He hadn’t tripped any alarms and Kristen had no doubt he could get out just as easily and quickly.  He obviously was capable of much more than that and that made him very dangerous to her.  She had to work out her options and quickly.

 

She grabbed a bottle from the cabinet and stalked out into the bedroom.  Q followed her and watched as she shook out a couple of pills from the bottle and downed them with a mouthful from a glass of water.  He smiled as he regarded her.  She was so transparent.  She looked like a possum, caught in the headlights of the oncoming truck that was about to flatten her.  The wheels were turning in her head, but there was no engine.  He suspected that she was probably going to try to bluff her way out of this corner she found herself in.  He shook his head.  She was such a pale shadow of Stefano.

 

Catching sight of him in the mirror, she turned around.

 

“Are you still here?” she snapped.

 

“Well, it would appear so.”  Q replied.  “Unless of course I am a figment of your imagination.  Which is quite likely, considering the over-action of it recently.  He looked her up and down with disdain.  “I mean, you can’t seriously think that John will want to stay with you when he finds out what a pitiful excuse for a human being you really are.”

 

“John loves me and I’m having his baby.”  Kristen said angrily as she slammed the glass back down on the chest. of drawers.

 

“John doesn’t love *you*.”  Q sneered.  “He may love the woman he thinks you are, although I seriously doubt it.  But you?  You’re a scheming conniving witch.  How in all the universe could he possible love you?  And your baby, well, once he finds out how you, to all intents and purposes, raped him to conceive your spawn….”

 

“I did *not* rape him!”  Kristen’s exclamation was sharp.

 

“Oh no?  You hypnotized him to sleep with you.  He had no way of refusing you and now he can’t even remember your ‘nights of passion’,” he said sarcastically.  “You know what’s pathetic about you Kristen?  You excel in these underhanded and devious methods of getting your way, yet you can’t even admit who and what you are.”  His sneer grew as he looked at her with scorn.  “I’ve met Denebian Slime Creatures with more guts than you.”

 

“How dare you talk to me like that!”  Kristen was so angry she was shaking.  “Get out of my house now!”  Q merely smiled contemptuously.  Kristen flicked her hair out of the way and picked up the phone.  She had dialed 911 before she realized the line was dead.  “I told you Krispie.  You’ll never win against me.”  Before Kristen knew it, the receiver was out of her hand and back in the cradle.  

 

“You may as well give up now.  Tell John the truth and I’ll go.  I’ll leave and you’ll never hear from me again.  Refuse to tell John the truth and well, ” he looked at his watch with a devilish grin, “you may regret it sooner than you think.”

******

John lay contemplating the ceiling as he waited for Marlena to return from the bathroom.  He rubbed his nose, feeling the hay fever threatening more seriously than ever and turned to the bedside table to find some tissues.  On top of the book that Marlena was currently reading, lay a photograph he had not seen for years.  

 

It was of he and Marlena and the young twins.  They each had a child on their lap, and he had his arm around his wife’s shoulders.  They all looked as if they’d just heard a great joke and John’s heart ached for all the time he had lost.   All that time when he should have held Marlena in his arms and never let her go.  All that time when he should have protected her from all the hurt and pain that she had suffered.  He sighed and blinked back the tears that suddenly blurred his vision.

 

“I found them.  They were hidden in the back of the drawer.”  John looked up to see Marlena coming out of the bathroom.  She wore a light peach colored satin robe that tied around the  front and ended somewhere mid-thigh.  It always amused him to think that on most other women it would probably reach their knees.  In her right hand she held a glass filled with water and her left hand was curled up around a couple of little white tablets.  “Here you are honey.”  Reaching John, she tipped her hand and let the tablets fall into his palm.  “These should make you feel better.”  She handed him the glass and watched as he obediently swallowed the pills. 

 

 Sitting on the edge of the bed, she took the picture out of his hands.

 

“It’s been years since I saw that picture.”  John said softly.

 

“I had to put most of them away when Roman returned.”  Her reply was quiet and contemplative.  “He couldn’t deal with seeing them because they just reminded him of how much he’d lost in those seven years.”  She looked up at John, her face strained.  “He just couldn’t seem to grasp the fact that when he came back, you lost more than he ever did.”

 

“I may have done.”   His voice was barely above a whisper now. “But I did have those years.  And despite whatever else Stefano has done, I have no-one else but him to thank for that.  Unwittingly he gave me the best thing that ever happened to me.”  

 

Marlena grasped his hand in hers.  “I’m just so sorry it came at such a price.”

 

“For both of us Doc.  For both of us.”  Leaning over, he pulled her into his arms and planted a kiss on top of her head.  

 

She snuggled up to him and they contemplated the picture together.  

 

“How do you think Sami will take this?”  John ventured after a few minutes.

 

“I really don’t know,” Marlena admitted.  “I thought our relationship was beginning to thaw.  Sami seemed, different, more grown up.  But then,” she shrugged, “I don’t think she knows how to get past her anger. I wish she’d let me help her John.”

 

“Marlena honey, I think you’ve bent over backwards where Sami is concerned.  I think we both have.  We can’t keep beating ourselves up over it forever.”  He played with the end of the peach-colored sash.  “We could go on feeling guilty for the rest of our lives, but that’s not going to help anyone.  Least of all Sami.”

 

“I know.”  Marlena nodded her head, her heart heavy.  “But she’s my daughter John.  I love her so much.  And it hurts me to know that I am part of the reason she has suffered so much pain.”

 

“I know sweetheart.  I feel the same way.”  John cuddled her close to him.  “But I do know one wee girl who will be thrilled about this,” he said with a smile.

 

Marlena inhaled deeply, filling her senses with him.  The glorious sight of him, the sweet taste of him, the wondrous scent, the sound of his breathing and the incredible feeling of his body next to hers.  A sudden urge to feel his rough skin on hers found her stripping off her robe and flinging it off the bed.  Pressing herself up against him, she sought out his mouth with hers and made a play for his tongue.  John broke off the kiss and looked at her in amazement.

 

“What?”  she asked innocently.

 

“You are *insatiable* Marlena Evans!”  John exclaimed.

 

“Is that a problem?”  Marlena tried to suppress a smile.  “You’ve never complained before.”

 

“Well, no..”  John attempted a backtrack.

 

“Because I’ll understand if it is a problem.”  Marlena’s face was the picture of sweetness.  She was enjoying this immensely.   “I mean I know you are getting on…and you might not be quite as energetic as…”  her sentence was interrupted by a high-pitched squeal as John pounced on her.

 

“Not as energetic as what, Doc?”  Marlena was unable to get out a reply between the giggles as John found her most ticklish spots.  “Lost for words huh?” he laughed.

 

“Oh, oh.  Stop John….”  Marlena tried unsuccessfully to push his hands away.  “Please!” she squeezed out before she surrendered into another fit of giggles.

 

“I’ll show you who’s energetic.”  John carried out his threat immediately as he hoisted her over her shoulder in a fireman’s lift.

 

“John!”  Marlena shouted.  “Put me down!”

 

“Uh-uh Doc.”  John laughed, highly pleased with himself.  “You have to be nice to me first.”  He slapped her exposed buttocks lightly.

 

‘Is that right?”  Marlena’s voice floated up from behind him as he contemplated the two of them in the mirror.

 

“That’s right Doc.”  John didn’t have time to react as an imprint of Marlena’s teeth became imbedded in his buttock.  “OW!”  his exclamation was swiftly followed by a curse, and he dropped her on the bed.  “What did you do that for?”

 

“It was just too tempting to resist.”  Marlena said with a wicked grin.

 

“Oh yeah?”  John chewed on the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

 

“Mmm-hmm.”  Marlena nodded, knowing that something was on its way, but not sure what.  She found out as a gush of water came flying out of the glass that had been on the nightstand.  Her attempt to duck was unsuccessful as the water caught her squarely in the face.

 

“Why you…”  She shook her head wiping the water out of her eyes.

 

“Sorry sweetheart.  My hand slipped.”  John’s smile couldn’t have been much broader as he told the blatant lie.

 

“Slipped huh?”  A smile slid across her face as her hand firmly gripped the pillow beneath her.

 

“Yeah, that’s right.”  John couldn’t see what she was about to do, but he was ready for anything when he saw the smile on her face.  Almost anything.

 

He doubled over as the feather pillow caught him fair and square in the middle of his stomach.  Before he could move, she took another swipe, which caught him right on the side of his head.  Reaching his arm out, he fended off the next blow and wrested the pillow out of Marlena’s grasp.

 

“You’re asking for trouble lady!”  John held the corners of one end of the pillow in his hands and advanced towards the bed.  Slipping off the other side, Marlena grabbed another pillow.

 

“Catch me if you can!”  she teased.

“Now you’re really asking for it!”  John leapt onto the bed and ran over it, bouncing as he went.  Laughing, Marlena raced around the end of the bed, assuring that she was still on the opposite side.  John looked at her for a moment, and then, without warning, he darted around the end of the bed after her.  Marlena madly scrambled across the bed, but he followed her.  With a shriek, she dashed into the bathroom.

 

“Oh no you don’t!”  John was after her in a flash and the corner of his pillow prevented her closing the door.  The sound of her breathless laughter from the other side of the door made him want her even more.

 

“I’m coming to get you!”  He warned, his own voice full of laughter as he pushed on the door.  There was a squeal from the other side and pressure against his pushes. 

 

 Suddenly the tension on the door went slack and it flew open.  Out of the corner of his eye, John saw Marlena nip out of the bathroom as he struggled vainly to regain his balance.  When he looked up from his sprawled position on the floor, he saw her standing over him, pillow in hand.

 

“Why don’t you just give up John?”  Her face was flushed, and her eyes danced.

 

“Never!”  John grabbed his pillow and whacked her across the legs.

 

“Hey!  That was below the belt!”  Marlena yelled as she pelted him with blows from the pillow.  John did his best to return her shots as he attempted to scramble upright.  As he did, he slowly began to gain the advantage in the pillow battle and made headway into the bedroom.  Before long, he had Marlena bailed up against the bed.  Smiling as she tried to catch her breath, she dropped her pillow and held her hands up in the air.

 

“Okay, I give in.”  She paused to gulp down a lungful of air.  “You win.”

 

“I do?”  John moved in closer, his lust for her evident.  “So, what’s my prize?”

*****

Carrie looked out at the heavy dark sky.  The clouds had rolled in on dusk and the weather now looked ominous.  Will slept peacefully in the crib in the next room and Austin was clearing away the last of the dinner dishes.  She picked up a book but found she couldn’t concentrate; she was so unsettled.

 

She switched on the television and flicked through the channels until she found a re-run of the X-files.  Scully was alone in her bathroom.  At least Scully thought she was alone.  Some mutant guy was trying to squeeze in through a vent.  Carrie shivered and turned off the set.  Rubbing her arms, she made her way into the kitchen where Austin had finished up with the dishes and was just putting on the jug for a cup of tea

.

“Are you okay Carrie?” he asked concernedly.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”  She nodded her head.

 

“Are you sure honey?  You look awfully pale.”  He put his arm around her and pulled her close.

 

“I really don’t know Austin.  I just have this strange feeling something is going to happen.  It’s the weirdest thing.  I just can’t put my finger on it.”

 

“You’re probably right.”  Austin agreed.  “After all, it’s not like there’s ever nothing happening with your family, is it?”  he said, trying to lighten her mood.  It worked and she laughed.

 

“That’s true.”

 

Any further conversation was cut short by the shrill of the telephone.  Austin picked up the receiver.

 

“Hello?”  Carrie watched him as she listened to the one-sided conversation.

 

“Yes we did.  Uh-huh.  Okay.  Yes, that’s fine.  What was that?  Three-oh-five.”  He scribbled something on a scrap of paper.  “Sure.  Yep, we’ll see you then.  Thank-you.  G’bye.”  He put down the phone and turned to Carrie.  “That was the real-estate agent,”  he informed her.  “They’ve got a place for us to look at.”

 

After their discussion at the park, they had stopped by the real-estate agents to have a look at what was available.  With both of them earning decent salaries from Titan, they found that they could afford something more than a modest bungalow and they wanted to start looking as soon as possible.

 

“Already?”  Carrie poured the boiling water into the tea-pot.  “Where abouts?”

 

“Sycamore Street.”  Austin stopped abruptly as Carrie dropped the carton of milk that she had just got out of the fridge.

 

“Damn!”  Carrie picked up the carton and stepped out of the way as Austin mopped up the milk with a sponge.  He stood up and looked at her as he tossed the sponge in the sink.

 

“What was that about?” he asked.

 

“Sycamore Street is where our old family home is.”  Carrie explained.

 

“Oh, of course.”  Austin looked at the paper that he had written the address on.  “Three-oh-five.  Do you know where that is?”

 

“It’s pretty close to it.”  Carrie turned her back on Austin and poured the milk into the cups, hoping that Austin hadn’t seen how shaken she had really been.  “For a moment there I thought Dad might finally have put the house on the market.”

 

“Do you really think he would?”  Austin watched Carrie carefully as she poured out the tea.  He was worried about how jumpy she was and wondered if there might be something in what she had said earlier.  “I mean, all his family is here.  Don’t you think he might want to come back some day?”  He accepted the cup Carrie handed him and noted the way she wrapped her hands round her own as if seeking warmth from the cup that she could not generate herself.  

 

He followed her into the living room and sat next to her on the sofa.

 

“If he was going to come back you would have thought he would have done it by now.  I mean, look at all the things he’s missed.”  She frowned.  “There was Alan’s trial.  Marlena was *possessed* and he didn’t bother coming back.  We had a wedding.  He has a grandson he’s never seen…”  She shrugged her shoulders.  “You know, I don’t know why I even bother *calling* him Dad anymore.  He’s never been there for me.  Ever since he came back, he’s made things worse not better.”  Austin put his arms around her as the tears started to fall but she pushed him away.  “No Austin, it’s alright.”  She wiped her eyes.  “I won’t let him hurt me anymore.  From now on, John’s the one who’s my dad.  Just like Marlena is my mom.”  She managed a watery smile.  “If only they’d get it and themselves together.”  Austin smiled and wiped her cheek.

 

“You still wanna go see that house tomorrow?”

 

“Sure thing.”  She nodded vigorously.  “The sooner we get our own place, the sooner we can start practicing being Mom and Dad ourselves.”

 

“Why do we have to wait?”  Austin pushed Carrie back onto the couch.

Chapter 17 – The Downfall

John watched Marlena as she slowly lay back on the bed, both of them oblivious to the rain falling heavily outside.

 

“You want your prize?”  Marlena said, her voice laden with desire.  “Come and get it.”  John resisted the urge to take her straight away and instead sat on the bed next to her.    Leaning over her, he placed his left hand on the bed to support himself and looked at her through heavy lidded eyes.  He ran the fingers of his right hand through her tousled hair, lifting it and watching it fall back to the bed.  Then, slowly, he traced the outline of her lips, hot and red from the exertion.  

 

Marlena took his finger in her mouth and holding it lightly with her teeth, began to explore the tip with her tongue.  When her scrutiny became too insistent for John, he withdrew his finger with a smile.  Laying the palm of his right hand against her neckline he began to explore her body with long smooth strokes.  First one arm, then the other.  Then her stomach.  There was almost a ritualistic feel about his touch on her skin and Marlena closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing else but the feeling of his hand as it travelled over her curves.

 

His voyage finally brought him back to her neck and she threw her head back as his fingers wandered over her throat.  He replaced them with his lips and moved his body to cover hers.  The rhythm of their love was slow and sweet, an anthem to their past and their future.  As they rose to their mutual peak, Marlena’s quiet cries mingled with John’s. 

******

Kristen eyed Q warily.  She had left the bedroom only to find him downstairs in the living room when she got there.  That was when she really started to fear him.  If he could appear and disappear at will, God knew what else he could do.  Even Stefano hadn’t been able to do that.  She cursed Stefano for the umpteenth time.  Now, when she needed his help most, he wasn’t there for her.  She had been upset when her mother had died in the strange tunnels of underground Paris, but she was beginning to realize that Stefano had been more of a loss than her mother ever was.

 

She eyed the brandy decanter longingly, desperate for a stiff drink, yet knowing Bradford would rat on her to John if she so much as sniffed the stopper.  Her assumption was borne out as Q looked at her and then at the brandy.  He snapped his fingers and a brandy appeared magically in her hand.

 

“You seemed to want one so badly,” he said maliciously.  For a moment she was almost tempted as she looked at his stony face, but she took hold of herself and poured the brandy into the nearest pot plant.

 

“Don’t even bother,” she said wearily, “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt my child.”

 

“And if John left you?  Would you care about your child so much then?” Q settled himself in an overstuffed armchair and awaited her answer.

 

“Of course I would.”  Kristen didn’t miss a beat.  “But John isn’t going to leave me.  So, it’s a moot point really.”  She put on her sweetest smile.  “Now if you’d like to be on your way Mr. Bradford.  You can go back to Marlena and tell her that her latest little plot to get John back hasn’t worked.  They never do.”  

 

Q shook his head.  “You just don’t get it do you Krissy.  Marlena doesn’t even know I’m here.  Marlena is otherwise occupied at the moment.  I doubt she could care less where I am.”  

 

Something about his smile made Kristen’s stomach churn and she reached for the bell to call Ileanna.  Glaring at him she rang it and waited.  When Ileanna was not forthcoming, she rang it again.  Still the housekeeper did not appear, and Kristen called the woman’s name.  Q sighed.

 

“Give it up Kristen.  Never one to take a subtle hint, are you?”  He waved his hand vaguely in the doorway.  “I gave your staff the night off.”

 

“You did *what*?”  Kristen slammed her hand down on the sideboard in frustration.  “Who the hell do you think you are?”

 

“Q,” he said simply.  “Look Kristen.  Make it easy on yourself.  I don’t like having to torture you like this.  Well, actually I do,” he smiled wickedly, “but it can’t be much fun for you.  Tell John.  That’s all I’m asking.  Surely it can’t be that difficult.”

 

“Look, I don’t know who, or *what* you are.  I don’t really care,” she lied.  “But I think you picked the wrong woman to intimidate.  I’m not giving into your pathetic threats and your ranting won’t change my mind.  If you leave now, I won’t call the police about this little incident.”  

 

To her surprise Q threw his head back and let out a long throaty laugh. “Oh, you’re priceless Kristen!  You’re so deluded I almost admire you.  Almost.  Do you have *any* idea what I could do to you if I really wanted to make you miserable?  I could take you to the Cardassians.  I’m sure they could find inventive ways of using you.  Or how about the Borg?  Assimilation would at least improve your I.Q.”  He pushed himself out of the chair and circled Kristen like she was carrion and his next meal.  “I would tell you not to underestimate me, but I’m not even sure you would know what estimation *was*.”

 

“If you can’t think of anything clever to say, don’t say anything at all.”  Kristen snapped, thoroughly frightened by what was coming from this strange man. 

 

“I must admit,” Q said icily, “it’s very hard to produce intelligent rebuttal to a half-wit.”

 

“If you don’t like it, go back to your precious Marlena.”  Kristen said coldly.  “I’m sure that she can fulfil that need, if not any others.  Although, I’m sure if you asked her nicely, she’d take care of *all* of them for you.  That is, if she still remembers *how* to,” she finished nastily.  Q quietly looked at his watch.

******

Marlena lay sleepily in Johns arms willing her eyes to remain open.  She didn’t want to waste a moment of this glorious night by sleeping.  The stereo hummed quietly in the corner, and she smiled as she caught the words.

 

I can still hear the song of your laughter

I can still taste the sorrow of your tears

We said goodbye but our hearts did not hear

Now my love, there’s nothing left to fear.

With all my heart put me through

It leads me back to you.

She sighed and nestled her head back under John’s chin, relishing the roughness of his hair against her face.  That single movement, the feeling of him, the smell of him brought back so many memories that she suddenly found it hard to breath. The tang she could taste, she suddenly realized, came from her own tears.  John gently peeled himself away when he felt the wet droplets on his chest.

 

“Hey.”  He wiped away the moisture with his thumb.  “No crying allowed.  It’s in the rule-book.”  She sniffed as she laughed.

 

“I know, I’m sorry.”

 

“Wanna talk about it?” His question was quiet and non-insistent.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about really.”  Marlena ran her finger along his jawline.  “It’s just that – I’ve waited for this moment for so long…”

 

“You’re disappointed?”  John voice was suddenly tremulous, like this magic carpet he had found might suddenly be pulled from under him.

 

“Oh, I could never be disappointed!”  Marlena exclaimed.  “John, how could you even think that?  I think this is probably the most wonderful night of my life”

 

“Oh.”  John’s relief was evident.  “You too huh?”

 

“Oh, yes.”  Her face became serious.  “I just wish that we could have had this night much sooner.”

 

“That we hadn’t wasted so much time?”  John knew she wasn’t reproaching him but felt it all the same.  

 

“I am so sorry, my love.  If I could take time back, knowing what I know now…”  his words faded and he stared into the distance.  When he resumed his voice was low and thready.  “I never would have let you out of my arms after that night I saw you on the pier.”

 

“After the interview?”  Marlena swallowed hard.  John looked at her, his love burning in his eyes.

 

“No, Doc.  I mean when you came back to me.  Like an angel walking out of the mist.  If I had been bright enough to see what was right in front of my eyes….  I would have fought Roman for you.  And I would have *won*.”  His voice was low and fierce and it sent shivers down Marlena’s spine.

 

“But what about Isabella?”  she asked in a small voice.

 

“Oh, don’t get me wrong baby.  I loved IzzyB with all my heart.  But I love you with all my heart and soul and every little piece of my being.  Before Roman came back, I knew I was going to have to make a decision.  And I did.  On that beach in Miami, I made my decision Doc.  I kissed you and I *knew*.  But then we found….” he couldn’t bring himself to say that name again, “and Isabella was pregnant.”  He shook his head.

 

“It was a mess.”  Marlena said softly.  “We none of us are fortune tellers, sweetheart.  You are not the only one that made a decision back then and you are not the only one who has regretted it since.”  She ran her hand down his arm and grasped his hand in hers.  “But who’s to say that if we could go back, things would turn out any differently?  Who’s to say that they wouldn’t be worse?”  She interlaced her fingers with his.  “Let’s just be thankful that we’ve found each other again now.  Let’s not waste time on regrets and self-blame.  Life is too short and too wonderful for that.”  John squeezed her hand and then pulled his own away.  He twined his fingers in her hair and pulled her forward for a kiss.  

 

“You are the most incredible woman I have ever known Dr. Evans.  I must be the luckiest man on earth.  What the hell did I do to deserve you?”  

******

Sami ducked into the doorway, the rain pouring in rivulets down her coat.  Her hair was plastered to the side of her face, and she shivered as the icy wind bit through her.  Only a few days ago they had been enjoying the last of the summer weather.  Now winter had struck with a vengeance.  She stopped momentarily as an image of Will flashed into her mind.  She hoped he was tucked up safe in his crib.  She really knew that she could trust Carrie and Austin to keep him safe, but she worried all the same.  Seeing the break in the rain, she hastened down the street to the building where the loft was located.  

 

Once inside, she pulled off the soaked raincoat and squeezed the excess water out of her hair.  Tucking the waterproof satchel firmly under her arm, she stepped into the lift and hit the button.  The rickety old elevator groaned as it reached the top and the doors rasped open.  Sami sneezed and stepped out onto the landing.  She hammered loudly on the gunmetal grey loft door and waited.  When there was no reply, she banged the door again.  Still getting no answer, she tried the door.  It seemed to be locked and Sami cursed in exasperation.  She didn’t even know if she was doing the right thing, and everything tonight seemed to be standing in her way.  Maybe I should give up and go home, she decided, as an involuntary shiver ran through her.  Forget all about it.  It’s insane.  Why am I even doing this?  She sighed and rubbed her cold face with her hand, her fingers icy on her brow.  Because I care about Mom.  And God help me, I want her to be happy.  She turned tiredly and retraced her steps to the elevator. Maybe I could try Kristen’s….

******

Kristen was enjoying herself.  After all, the bitterness and resentment she had built up towards Marlena usually had no outlet.  John would never hear a word against his precious *Doc* so Kristen had to stay silent.  Now however, she could let fly.  What the hell could this character do?  Tell John?  After the whole Belle incident, she didn’t imagine John would be very receptive to *anything* Eugene Bradford had to say.  A sly smile crept across her face as she saw him look at his watch.  

 

“Mind you,” she continued along the same thread, baiting Q.  “She’s probably frigid.  That’s probably why she hasn’t had a man in so long.  No-one wants to sleep with her, she’s such a cold fish.” 

“As opposed to you Kristen.”  Q said quietly.  Kristen missed the menace in his voice, so eager was she to play this game she deludedly thought she was winning. 

 

“Yeah, that’s right.”  She patted her stomach.  “Here is the proof after all.”

 

“Oh, of course.”  Q’s glare was so intense Kristen’s triumphant smile faded a little.  “That would be why John was calling *Marlena’s* name when you hypnotized him into screwing you.”  Kristen returned his stare with equal venom.

 

“You’re just jealous.”  She spat cattily.  “You probably can’t get it up yourself and you hate the thought of anyone else actually enjoying sex.  You and Mackerel Evans make a good pair.”  She threw her head back and let out a whiny nasal laugh that made Q feel like vomiting.  

 

His face was thunderous as he looked at her.

 

“Well I hope you enjoyed that,”  he snarled,  “because it’s the last laugh you’ll be getting for a long time.”

 

“No, I don’t think so.”  Kristen smiled unpleasantly.  “Don’t you get it *Eugene*?  I have just *had* the last laugh.  Now if you’ll just be on your way, I have some business to take care of.”

“Kristen my *friend*,” the word came out like a brick, “you’re wrong.  You see the joke is *on* you.  As we stand here having this very unpleasant little conversation, John and Marlena are together.  And *they* are not talking.”  He was circling her again.  “They are very much *otherwise* occupied.  With each other, if you get my drift.”  

******

The doors of the elevator opened at the bottom floor and Sami trudged out.  She let out a surprised cry as a figure stepped out of the shadows and into her path, blocking her way. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”  He was young and his smile seemed quite sincere.  “I saw you come in earlier and I thought you might be able to help me.”  Seeing Sami’s bemused expression, he caught himself.

 

“Sorry, my name is Grant Whittaker.”  He held out his hand in greeting.  Sami slowly extended hers and tentatively shook his.  If nothing else, her life’s experiences had thought her to be wary of strangers.

 

“Sami Brady.”  She returned quietly studying the young man intently.  He seemed nice enough.  Tall without being too tall, a slim wiry build, sandy colored hair and blue eyes.  He’d probably be quite good looking, Sami thought, if he wasn’t dripping with water.  She smiled, trying to strike a balance between appearing friendly and a little stand-offish.  She didn’t want to give him any ideas.  “How can I help you Mr. Whittaker?”  

 

He flashed an attractive smile.  “Grant, please.  I’m looking for an old school friend of mine.  I believe he moved here a few years ago.  I’ve been trying to track him down for a few months now.”  He wiped away a droplet of water that was trickling down his nose and sniffed.  “Just my luck to arrive on the worst night in months.”  Sami couldn’t help but smile with him.  

 

“It does seem like a bit of bad timing.  What ‘s your friend’s name?”

 

“Austin Reed.”  Sami prayed that he didn’t notice the way she froze at his name.  To hear it so unexpectedly out of a stranger’s mouth made her stomach contract and lurch.  And she hated herself for it.

 

“Sure, I know Austin,” she said steadily.  “He’s my-”  she paused, catching herself.  “He’s my brother-in-law.”

 

“You’re married to Austin’s brother?”  He was openly searching her hands for signs of a wedding ring.  Sami couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“Oh, no.  Austin is married to my sister.”

 

“Reed is married?”  His expression was incredulous.  “He always swore he’d be the last to get married.”

 

“Yeah, well…”  The cold was getting the better of Sami and she was shivering again.  “Austin is full of surprises.”  She reached into her bag and pulled out her purse.  She took out a card, scribbled on it and handed it to Grant.  “Here,” she said, “this is the address of Austin and Carrie’s apartment.”  She gave him quick, simple directions to the apartment building as she put her purse away.

 

“Thanks very much Ms. Brady.”  He shook her hand again.   “Hopefully I’ll be seeing you again real soon.”

 

“You probably will.”   Sami smiled.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to be somewhere.”  He nodded and looked thoughtful as he watched her hurry out of the building.  

******

Kristen’s face drained of color as she very much got Q’s drift.  She recovered quickly however and faced him, her nostrils flaring. 

 

“You’re lying.!”  She accused him wildly, her eyes flashing snatches of her insanity.  “John wouldn’t do that to me.  He loves me.”  The last words were said in desperation, like the repetition would somehow make them true.  Q sighed.

 

“Do we have to rehash this Kristen?  John does *not* love you.   It was only a matter of time before you lost him.”

 

“I don’t believe you!”  Kristen’s anguish had quickly turned to fury.  “You’re trying to upset me so that I’ll lose my baby.”

 

“Oh, get a grip Krissy.”  Q laughed sardonically.  “I already told you.  I couldn’t care a less about your brat. “

“No, but my child stands in Marlena’s way, doesn’t it?  She’ probably put you up to this.  She wants me to lose my baby so she can get her claws into John.  She knows he’ll never leave me while I am the mother of his child, so the bitch wants to kill my baby!”  Her voice rose as she rambled and ended in a shriek.  Q looked at her in disgust

 

“Kristen, you are not even worthy of being in the same room as Marlena Evans.  But if you insist on disbelieving what I tell you, then you force my hand.  I’m sure you will believe your own eyes.”  He clicked his fingers.

******

Marlena laughed lightly.  “I don’t know if I’m that much of a catch.”  Her voice, sexy and low, made John’s pulse race.

 

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”  He studied her face intently, watching the way the soft light bounced off her smooth, pale skin.  The flecks of gold in her hazel eyes shone, more beautiful than ever he remembered, and he couldn’t believe that they were only for him.  He closed his eyes as she snuggled closer to him and lay there, wishing in a way that this perfect moment would never end.

******

Kristen cried agonizingly as the scene before her came into focus.  It was Marlena’s bedroom at the penthouse.  Kristen stood next to Q at the end of the bed.  In the bed lay John and Marlena, twined in a lovers embrace so sweet it could have come from a  painting.  The pale-yellow sheets were rumpled and hanging loose from the bed.  The top sheet lay lightly over the two naked bodies and the blankets lay in a pile on the floor, next to Marlena’s jeans and chemise.  John’s maroon boxers lay shatteringly close.

******

 

Marlena shivered as a cold breeze brushed lightly over her flesh.  She opened her eyes, seeking the source.  The room looked the same as it had before.  The candles flickered slightly but the window was still firmly closed.  She looked at John.  Feeling her movement, he opened one eye and raised a dark eyebrow.

“What is it sweetheart?”  Marlena looked confused for a moment and then shrugged her shoulders.

 

“I guess it’s nothing.” 

 

“Are you sure?” He brushed one hand down her arm, noting the raised hairs.

 

“Darling, I’m sure.  I must be a little jumpy still.”  Her smile held a hint of shyness.

 

“I don’t know how, after all that exertion.”  he teased.  “I’m exhausted.”

 

“Well, I hope you recover soon.”  Marlena winked.  “I have plenty more for you where that came from.”

 

“I’m counting on it,” he whispered as his lips swept past hers.

******

“John!”  Kristen screamed.  “John!”

 

“He can’t hear you.”  Q’s tone was low.  “They have no idea we are even here.  They can’t see us.”

 

“This is a trick.  It’s an illusion!”  Kristen shrilled desperately, her hands clutching the frizzy hair at the sides of her head.  “It can’t be real.”

 

“It’s real alright Kristen and you know it.  You lose.  Zero – Love.  Game, set and match, Marlena Evans.”

 

“It’s not real.  It can’t be real.”  Kristen repeated the phrase over and over as she sank to her knees sobbing.  “He loves me.  It’s not real.”    Q shook his head as he watched her.  Pathetic.  Stefano never would have approved.  He quietly snapped his fingers.

******

Marlena and John never noticed the second small breeze to sweep across the dark, warm bedroom.  Sleep had claimed them minutes earlier.  Sated and fulfilled, they dreamed untroubled dreams, only of each other.

******

Kristen wept uncontrollably as she knelt on the carpet of the DiMera living room.  He was right.  She had lost.  She had lost everything.  Her whole world was crumbling around her, and she had no way to stop it.  She looked up, expecting to see his superciliously triumphant face but with relief, discovered she was alone.  A fact she bitterly regretted a moment later as she screamed, a searing pain ripping through her lower abdomen.

Chapter 18 –  Storm Warning

Sami picked her way along the path.  The surface of the stone was flooded from the rain that had fallen rapidly and heavily.  The storm wasn’t over yet by any means.  It appeared to be just beginning.  Overhead, lightning sliced through the sky like a jagged scar.  It was followed several moments later by an enormous clap of thunder.     Sami pulled her coat closer around her and continued up the path.  Reaching the front door of the DiMera Mansion, she noticed that none of the lights were on.

 

Deciding that it didn’t necessarily mean anything, she used the heavy brass doorknocker.  She waited for a minute or so and then tried again.  She stared at the door, willing it to open.  It remained steadfastly closed.  Sami frowned, wondering if perhaps this wasn’t a sign.  A sign that she should forget about Marlena’s journal and go home to her nice warm bed.  Let them work out their problems for themselves.  She turned around and stepped off the doorstep.  Suddenly, very faintly over the wind, she heard what sounded like a human cry.  She stopped and stood very still, listening.  Hearing the sound again, she went back up to the door and put her ear to it.  Again, a cry and she stepped back from the door as if she had been bitten.

 

Sami quickly made her way around the side of the house and peered through the window.  It was so inky black she could hardly make out a thing.  She rubbed on the window, but the rain merely smeared the dirt that was already on there and made it more difficult to see.  She moved along the wall, fighting the clutches of the wet bushes and looked through another window.  Again, she couldn’t see anything, and she was about to give up when she heard another cry.  It was cry of pain, a high-pitched keening, like an animal caught in a trap and tendrils of cold fear grabbed at Sami.  She looked back through the window and a sudden flash of lightning illuminated the room in a blaze of harsh blue light.  A cry caught in her throat as she saw a figure crumpled on the floor.

******

Q appeared in the penthouse.  The living room was dark, excepting for the occasional flashes from the lightning.    The bursts of light illuminated the rain drops that dribbled down the window and they cast long shadows across the room.  Q looked in the direction of the stairs.  Everything was quiet, just as it should be.

 

He had sent Kristen back to the DiMera Mansion alone.  He could have gone with her, and tormented her even more, but he suspected she wouldn’t be much fun for the next few days.  Not after the blubbering mess she’d turned into at the sight of John and Marlena in each other’s arms.  He smiled sadistically.  She’d deserved it.  He’d never intended to bring her to the penthouse but when she’d been so thoroughly obnoxious and nasty…well, she deserved everything she got.

 

He turned on his heels and went into the kitchen.  He opened the refrigerator and turned his nose up at the contents.  A few wilted lettuce leaves, a couple of soft tomatoes and some moldy cheese graced the top shelf.  The middle shelf held a three-day old lasagna that Caroline had dropped round.  A jam jar, complete with the evidence of a child’s grubby fingers, sat in the door, next to milk cartons which, thankfully, were fresh.   Q closed the door and snapped his fingers.  A plate of fries appeared on the table, along with a bowl of sour cream.  A cup of tea completed the ‘snack’.    

Before Q could sit down, there was a disturbance in the air before him and Q2 materialized.  Q2 picked up a couple of fries and winked at Q as he stuffed them in his mouth.  Q raised an eyebrow and then wordlessly seated himself.  Q2 followed suit.

 

“Nice work Q.”  Q2 spoke through a mouthful of fries.

 

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s *rude* to talk with your mouth full?”  Q asked cuttingly.

 

“Since when did that ever bother me?”  Q2 grinned.  “You either for that matter.”

 

“Why are you here Q?”  Q eyed him suspiciously.

 

“I’ve been keeping tabs on your progress Q.  To be honest, you are doing much better than we expected.”

 

“Then I’m back in the Continuum?”  Q asked dryly, knowing what the answer was going to be but thinking it was worth a try all the same.

 

“Afraid not Q.  One night of passion a future doth not make” Q2 reached for another handful of fries but discovered the bowl had disappeared.  “Well, very hospitable, I’m sure.”  He snapped his fingers and produced his own bowl.  “Say, these aren’t half bad Q.”

 

“Get on with it Q”  Q growled, his patience wearing thin.

 

“Where was I?  Oh yes.  The Continuum wants you to ensure John and Marlena’s future together, free from any interference from DiMera or his offspring, adopted or otherwise.”  Q2 stood, a wicked smile spreading across his face.  “Shouldn’t be too had for a Q like you.  Oh and,” he tapped the side of his nose with his index finger, “don’t forget, no-one in Salem knows the reason you are here.”

 

“How could I forget with you bugging me every five minutes?”  Q frowned, suddenly feeling tired.  

 

“I’m going to bed now Q.  I trust you can make your own way out.”    He didn’t wait for Q2 to answer as the contents of the table disappeared with a sweep of his hand.  

 

He turned on his heel and made his way up the staircase.  Q2 watched him go.  He wondered if maybe he should have told him about the DiMera woman.  He shook his head.  Not to matter, she wasn’t important.  He raised his right hand snapped his fingers.  The lightening flashed, revealing an empty room.

******

Sami battled the biting wind as she pulled her hand into the end of her sleeve.  Shielding her face, she put her fist through the pane of glass in the French door.  A shriek escaped her as she felt a jagged shard slice through her coat and into her soft flesh.  Trying to ignore the tearing pain, she pulled her arm out and batted away the remaining glass.  Reaching through she found the key and unlocked the door.

Inside the room, she rapidly dropped her bag and shrugged out of her coat.  She could see now that the figure was Kristen, and she was obviously in agony, judging by the awful wailing that filled the room.  She was on her knees, hugging her stomach and rocking back and forth.  Her hair fell about her head, obscuring her face.  The phone lay on the floor several feet away, the receiver beeping blankly.

 

Sami wasn’t entirely sure if Kristen had even heard her enter the room and she fought of the urge to just leave the woman there.  Quietly she kneeled down beside Kristen.

“Kristen?”  When she got no answer, she tried it a little louder.  “Kristen.  It’s Sami.”  Kristen flicked her head sideways and looked at Sami through wild eyes.  Her face was streaked with tears and mascara, and it was contorted into a mask of pain. 

 

“Get away from me!”  she shrieked madly.  

 

“But Kristen, I’m trying to help you.”  Sami insisted.  “We’ve got to get you to the hospital.”

 

“You don’t want to help me!”  Kristen hissed, her eyes darting from side to side.  “You’re in this with *her*.  You’re all in it together.  You want to kill my baby!”  She screamed through the pain.  “I won’t let you do it.  You won’t kill my baby!”

 

Sami looked at her with alarm.  The impending miscarriage seemed to have totally thrown her over the edge.  Kristen had lost the last vestige of her grip on sanity and Sami wondered if she’d ever find it again.  

 

Keeping a close eye on Kristen, Sami crawled across the carpeted floor to the phone.  She picked up the receiver and dialled 911, trying to staunch the blood that was flowing freely from her wrist.  The operator on the other end picked up almost immediately and Sami gave her the details quickly and succinctly.  The operator informed her that the ambulance would be dispatched immediately.  

 

Sami inspected the room around her.  It was decorated in light, fresh colors, so different to what she remembered as a child when Aunt Kim and Uncle Shane had lived here.  Then it had been dark and somber.  An effect of the wood paneling that English people were so fond of, she supposed.  Somehow, though, it had been cozy.  A warm welcoming house.  A respite from the strange, harsh realities of the outside world.  Not any longer.

 

Her eyes settled on a curtain tie.  Lacking the energy to get up and walk, she half stumbled, half crawled to the window.  The room was freezing, and this contributed to her stupor as much as the blood loss.  Her numb fingers fumbled as they unhooked the tie.  Every movement called for more and more exertion as Sami clumsily tied the material round her arm in a temporary tourniquet.  She knew from basic first aid that it wouldn’t be an artery, but she was sure that she had severed a pretty major vein.  Pulling the knot tight with her teeth, she slumped against the sofa, blood pooling on the carpet beneath her.  Slowly, as her fingers began to tingle, the blood flow slowed up.    Mustering her energy, she pulled herself back to the telephone and turned her attention to Kristen.

 

Kristen’s screams had subsided to loud moans for the time-being.  She had rolled onto her side and lay in a fetal position.  Sami ventured to speak to her again.

 

“Kristen, do you know where John is?”  Kristen’s answer was a long, piercingly loud howl.  Sami flinched, the noise setting all her nerves on edge.

 

“Fine..”  she muttered to herself.

She picked up the receiver again, swearing with the pain as the movement set the blood moving once more.  She tucked the receiver between her shoulder and chin and dialed the number with her left hand.  It was Caroline who answered.  Sami briefly explained the situation with Kristen and asked if they had seen, or knew where, John was.

 

“No Sami, I’m afraid we don’t.  Actually, Eugene Bradford dropped Belle and Brady by this evening.  He said John was busy.  But he didn’t know where he was.  Or at least, he didn’t tell me if he did.  Are *you* alright Sami?”  Caroline could detect the pain that laced her grand-daughter’s voice and it worried her.

 

“I’m fine Granma,” Sami lied.  “I cut myself a little when I broke the window to get in.  But the ambulance should be here any minute.”  As if on cue, a faint wail of sirens sounded in the distance.  “In fact, I think I hear it now.  Could you just try and get hold of John?  And Mom.”  The request came tumbling from her mouth before she could catch it.

 

“Of course we will sweetheart.  And we’ll see you down at the hospital soon.”

 

“Okay.”  Sami’s voice cracked on the word, and she couldn’t quite bite back the sob that followed.  She hung up quickly before Caroline could question her any further.  

 

Easing herself back to the floor, she cradled her arm as the rough wool of the carpet bit into her cheek.  Kristen’s moans continued unabated and Sami had no choice but to listen to them till the ambulance came.

******

Caroline jiggled the buzzer on the intercom.  Shawn stood next to her looking at his watch impatiently.  They had left the children and the pub in the capable hands of Bo and Hope while they tried to track down John and Marlena.    Shawn had phoned the penthouse several times and each time had been met with Marlena’s melodious voice on the answering phone.  He had left a message the first time, but there had been no reply.  John was proving to be just as elusive.  No-one they had called, from Carrie and Austin to Mickey and Maggie had any idea as to where either John or Marlena were.  Both had made the connection quietly in their minds, but neither were willing to voice the thought.  

 

They had decided to stop by the penthouse on their way to the hospital.  The intercom, however, was proving to be just as fruitless as the telephone.  Either Marlena did not want any visitors, or she really wasn’t home.

 

“C’mon Caroline.  We have to get to the hospital for Sami.”  Shawn tugged at his wife’s arm.  She fixed him with a stare that he knew well.   She wasn’t a woman who liked to be told what to do.  Her expression softened when she saw the concern in his eyes.  She nodded her head and followed him out to the car.

******

Q listened to the buzzer with annoyance.  Why did humans have to be so persistent?  It was one of the things he most hated about them.  Unfortunately, it was one of the things he most loved about them too.  

 

He smiled as the buzzer went silent.  No-one was going to disturb John and Marlena tonight.   He would make sure of it.  He was tempted to drop in on them himself, but he knew that humans were oddly finicky when it came to what they called ‘privacy’.  It was a strange concept really.  But then, humans were strange creatures.  It was what fascinated him about them.  He settled down on the bed in the guest room.  Despite having some Q powers, he was still mortal.  And being mortal had its disadvantages.  His eyes fluttered and he fell into an easy slumber.

******

The nurse looked angrily at the man that had just slammed into her.  He hadn’t even bothered to apologize and now she was left to pick up the paperwork that lay sprawled all over the grey linoleum of the hospital corridor.  She made a rude face at his retreating figure and turned her attention to the paper on the floor.

 

Peter hurried on, barely aware that he had made bodily contact with the nurse in the hallway.  All his concentration was on finding someone who could tell him where Kristen was.  Since Jennifer had left him, he had changed.  He had decided never to let a woman affect him in that way again.  He had seen what Stefano’s obsession with Marlena had done to his adoptive father and he vowed that it would never happen to him.   He saw Mike Horton come out of a room further down the hall and sped up his pace in an effort to catch him.  

 

When he reached Mike, he put a hand on the white clad shoulder and swung the doctor around.

“Kristen.”  He tried to catch his breath.  “Where is she?  Is she okay?  Someone called and asked me to come down.”

 

“Slow down Peter.”  Mike said in his best calming voice.  “Kristen is in the emergency room at the moment.  She’s just come in but she’s doing okay.”

 

“And the baby?”  Peter knew how much this baby meant to Kristen.  Even if it was only so she could hold onto John.

 

“There’s still a good chance that she could lose it,” Mike admitted.  “But we haven’t given up yet.  As long as she doesn’t suffer any more nasty shocks the baby could be just fine.  It’s a waiting game at the moment.”  

 

“Nasty shock?”  Peter wondered what Mike meant by the words *any more*.  

 

“It seems that Kristen had an upset over something.”  Mike motioned for Peter to follow him towards the room where Kristen was being treated.  “She won’t tell us what, but she keeps mentioning Marlena for some reason.  We have been trying to get hold of John, but we can’t find him.  That’s why we called you.  We are hoping you might be able to calm her down.”  

If Mike hadn’t had his back to Peter, he might have seen the cold mask that slipped over his face at the mention of Marlena and John.  Peter suspected immediately the reason for Kristen’s *shock* and if he was right, he’d make Marlena Evans and John Black pay dearly for hurting his sister.  He and Kristen could make a formidable team.  His mouth twisted into a sadistic smile.  John Black had better pray that he was still going to be a father, or he might just discover that he was never going to be a father again.

 

Chapter 19 –  Premonition

Sami felt groggy.  Her glazed eyes refused to focus, and she felt like she was half a step out of synchronization with the rest of the world.  Slowly the white walls began to gain some definition and she noticed a tube snaking down and disappearing into her arm.  She watched the red liquid ooze down the tube for several moments before she realized that it was blood, and it was replenishing her own depleted supply.

 

A slight pulling sensation at her right arm made her turn her head to see what was happening.  Mike Horton was sitting by her bedside wielding a needle.  He was making a tidy job of the last few stitches to close up the cut on her arm.

 

“Hey there.  Welcome back.”  His greeting was soft and, Sami was almost surprised to realize, genuine.  She tried a reply, but found her tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of her mouth.  Mike motioned to a nurse who raised Sami’s head and put a glass to her lips.  Sami thirstily swallowed a couple of mouthfuls of the cold liquid, not bothering about the drips that trickled out of the sides of the glass and down her neck.  

 

When she was finished, the nurse took the glass away and gently lowered Sami’s head back to the pillow.  She turned her attention back to Mike, who was just finishing the dressing on her arm.

 

“Thanks.”  She croaked

 

“You’re welcome.”    He smiled as he fastened up the end of the bandage.  “You gave us a bit of a fright there, you know?”

 

“I did?”  Sami said uncertainly.

 

“Just as well you managed to get that tourniquet on your arm.”  He pushed the tray away and turned his attention to Sami.  “You lost quite a lot of blood from that little cut.”

 

“I couldn’t get it very tight.”  Sami winced as the pain began to seep back along the edges of her consciousness.

 

“It was good enough.”  Mike’s smile was kindly.  “But you are a lucky young woman.  That cut came very close to doing some serious damage.”

 

“But I’ll be okay?”  Sami frowned as she thought about her son.  It wasn’t going to be very easy to look after him if she was in hospital.

 

“Yeah, you’ll be fine.  We’re just giving you a top-up of blood. ” He patted her hand when he saw the worried expression that flitted across her face.  “It’s nothing to worry about.  Just a precaution.  We’ll keep you in here for a couple of nights, just for observation.  Then you’ll be able to go home.  You’ll need a bit of help for a while though.  Especially with Will around.”

 

“Okay.”  Sami’s tone was non-committal.  She knew that she would be able to manage without help from anyone.  She didn’t *want* any help.   

 

Mike looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“I’m serious Sami.  You’re going to need to stay with someone for a while.  Your Granma, or maybe your Mom.  Or at least have someone staying with you.  Otherwise, you’ll be back in here.  In fact,”  he paused, a glint in his eye,  “I won’t let you out of here ’till I know you have help.”

 

“Oh thanks.”  Sami couldn’t hold back the grin that spread across her face.

 

“You’re welcome.”  Mike winked at her.

 

Suddenly remembering the reason she was in the hospital, the reason that her arm was in ribbons, Sami’s face became serious.

 

“How’s Kristen?” she ventured as she tried to sit up a little.

 

“She’s holding her own.”  Mike nodded.  Seeing her efforts, he raised his hand and stood up.  He adjusted the bed so that she was in a half-sitting position and then sat back down.

 

“The baby?”  Sami couldn’t squelch the small candle of hope that burned.  When she had found Kristen, she had known that the right thing to do was to call for help.  But knowing what she knew, she had no sympathy for Kristen and there was a part of her that fervently wished that Kristen would lose the baby.   Sami felt a little ashamed that she should wish that on an innocent child, but she found herself unable to help it.

 

“So far,” Mike’ pause was more than significant, “the fetus has survived.  Whether or not Kristen can hold onto this pregnancy depends on her being insulated from any more shocks.” 

 

“Do you have any idea *why* she’s like this now?”  Sami asked, thinking back to the scene in the DiMera house.

 

“No, I was hoping that maybe *you* could shed some light on that for me.”  Mike looked a little dismayed.  “She keeps on mentioning your mother’s name.   What Marlena could have to do with this I don’t know.”  He shook his head exhaustedly. 

 

“I went over to her place to see John.  When I heard screaming, I broke in.  That’s how I managed this.”  She motioned to her arm ruefully. 

 

“Not the brightest of moves.”  Mike grinned.

 

“Mmm. “ Sami’s eyes widened in agreement.  “When I asked her what had happened, she started raving like a madman.  She said something about a plot to kill her baby and I was in it with *her*.  I guess that she meant my mom.”  A look of anger flashed across Sami’s face.  “I can’t think of anyone less likely to want to hurt Kristen’s baby.  Despite whatever justification she might have to do so.”

 

“Sami, Kristen’s not exactly stable right now.”    Mike tried to soothe the affront that Sami felt.  

 

“She’s probably looking for someone to blame and that person just happens to be Marlena.”

 

“Dr Horton, she’s not unstable, she’s *delusional*.  Lord knows, I’ve done some things I’m not proud of….”  her voice faded out as she realized what she was sharing.  

 

“What do you mean Sami?”  Mike probed softly.

 

“I just mean that I don’t think Kristen is quite the martyr she’s made herself out to be.”  She bit her lip at his questioning look.  Mike thought about it for a moment but then decided not to pursue it any further.  Sami obviously knew more than she was willing to say but he wasn’t about to push her.  

 

He took a deep breath and rubbed his brow with the heel of his hand.

 

“You look tired.” Sami observed sympathetically.

 

“It’s been a long day Sami.”  And it’s likely to be an even longer night.  He pressed his lips together.  

 

“You look a bit weary yourself.  How about-”  He was cut off as a knock sounded on the door.  It opened to reveal Shawn and Caroline standing worriedly in the corridor.  “How about I leave you in the capable hands of your grandparents.”  He smiled at the Brady’s as they entered the room.  “I’m prescribing plenty of rest for the patient.  A nurse will be along in a little while, but you have her exclusively till then.”

 

“Aye.  Thanks Mike.”  Shawn nodded his head as Caroline fussed over Sami.

 

“Yeah, thanks Dr Horton.”  Sami echoed the sentiment as Mike reached the doorway.

 

“Anytime.”  Mike winked at her again and she smiled as she caught it before her attention turned to her grandparents.

*****

Peter sat beside his sister’s hospital bed.  It was a cold, soulless room, the white walls devoid of any life, the window covered by a blind that looked like it might have been there for thirty years.  The monitors attached to various parts of Kristen’s anatomy blinked and beeped at regular intervals.  She had been heavily sedated, but her eyes remained open.  She seemed lost in a private hell and Peter had no idea what to do next.  He squeezed her hand but there was no response, not even a flicker from the eyes which gazed at a distant point which only they could see.

 

He narrowed his eyes in contemplation and decided to try another tack.

“Krissy, do you know where John is?”  His answer was a deep guttural growl that emanated from the part of Kristen’s tortured soul that could still hear and communicate with the outside world. 

 

“Okay.”  The word was no more than a sound as Peter contemplated his next move.  He knew he had to be careful.  Any upset could result in the loss of the baby Kristen had fought so hard to conceive and keep.  Peter wasn’t about to risk that, but he had to know.

 

“Krissy.  I need your help.  I need for you to be strong and to tell me what happened.  That’s the only way *I’m* going to be able to help *you*.”  He was quiet for several minutes as she stared in silence at the blank wall.  Finally, when he couldn’t stand it any longer, “Krissy?”  

 

He saw her head sway slightly on the hard hospital pillow and then loll sideways.  She looked at him with hard, cold eyes.  Peter hesitated for a moment and then ploughed ahead.  “What was it, Kristen?”

 

“I lost.”  She closed her eyes and moistened her cracked lips with her tongue.  When she opened them again her eyes were red and tear-filled.

 

“Lost what?”  Peter was not entirely sure what she was referring to.

 

“Him.  Everything.”  Her face twisted with the pain of remembrance.

 

“I’m sorry Kris, I don’t understand.”  Peter hated to see her in such pain, but he had to find out exactly what had happened.

 

“He was with *her*,” she hissed.

 

“*With* her, as in….” 

 

“Yes.”  Kristen’s reply was curt as she turned her head away from him.  Any further interrogation by Peter was staved off by Mike’s voice from the doorway.

 

“I think Kristen needs some sleep now Peter.  You can see her in the morning.”  

 

Peter nodded and followed Mike out into the corridor.  The personal animosity between the soon to be *ex*-brothers-in-law was obvious to the nurses which passed by.  Mike looked at Peter, with open disdain.  He had no reason now to hide his dislike for his sister’s husband but he remained civil.  

 

“I don’t need to remind you that her condition is very delicate.  Anything, anything at all could cause her to lose that child.”  Mike eyed him closely.  “Remember that.”

 

“I’m not likely to forget about it in a hurry.”  Peter rebuked him.  

 

“Good.”  Mike refused to take the bait.  “If you want to go home, I’ll have a nurse call you if there’s any change.”

 

“I think I’d rather stay here.”  Peter wanted to be in the building when John arrived.  He had no idea what he was going to do when the moment came, but he had at least a little time to work that out.

 

“Fine.”  Mike turned on his heel and stalked away, leaving Peter to his own devices.

 

He watched the retreating figure for a moment and then scanned the area around him.  Flipping open his personal diary he pushed a couple of buttons and walked quickly down the hall.  He reached the public phone and dropped a couple of coins into the slot.  He pushed seven buttons and hooked the receiver between his head and shoulder.  There were several rings before the other end picked up.  Peter looked around swiftly before he spoke.

******

“So, you couldn’t find Mom.”  Sami frowned.  Caroline shook her head.  “Or John?”  Caroline took in a deep breath and then shook her head again.  A puzzled half-smile crept onto Sami’s face.  “You don’t suppose….?”  Shawn and Caroline looked at each other questioningly.  Silently they turned back to Sami.

 

“I wouldn’t want to assume anything dear.”  Caroline patted her hand.

 

“No, I guess not.”  Sami looked down at her arm and deliberately rearranged the dressing.

 

“Well, it sounds like Kristen is doin’ alright.  That at least is a relief.”  Shawn walked back to the bed and seated himself on the end of the white coverlet.

 

“Yeah.”  Sami’s comment wasn’t entirely convincing but before Shawn or Caroline could say anything she gave a cry, and her hand flew to her mouth.  “Damn!”

 

“What is it dear?”  Caroline’s heart rate felt as though it jumped three notches.  Sami knotted her fingers through her hair in frustration.

 

“I had a bag with me when I got to Kristen’s.  There’s something *really* important in it and I need it here.”  She looked around the room fruitlessly.  Shawn opened the cupboard by the bed, but it only revealed an empty space.

 

“How about we go by Kristen’s and see if we can find it?”  Caroline suggested, seeing how worried Sami was.

“Would you?”  Sami ‘s gratitude showed in her eyes.  “I wouldn’t ask but it is very important, and I don’t want to risk it falling into the wrong hands.”

 

“Of course we will.”  Shawn stood, leaned over and pecked her on the cheek.  “We’ll go now and let you get some sleep.  You look like you need it,” he said pointedly.  Sami smiled and nodded and then embraced Caroline.

 

“Night dear.  Have a good sleep.”  Caroline brushed Sami’s cheek gently with the palm of her hand.  “If we find your bag, we’ll bring it in first thing in the morning.”

 

“Thanks Granma, Granpa.”  Sami settled back into the folds of the bedclothes, suddenly feeling the utter exhaustion of the day’s events.  By the time the Brady’s had left the room, she was asleep.

******

Marlena sat bolt upright in the bed.  She couldn’t control the cold fear that grabbed at her, and she was shaking uncontrollably.  John sat up next to her and slipped his arm around her waist.

“What’s wrong Doc? ”  He brushed the hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.  She looked at him momentarily and then focused on the clock.  The glowing countenance told her that it was eight minutes after midnight.  “Doc?  Honey?”  She swallowed, unable to rid herself of the lump in her throat.  Looking at John, she studied his face, trying to convince herself that *this* was the reality.

 

Not getting any answers from his enquiries, John gently cupped Marlena’s face in is large hands.  “Baby, talk to me.  Tell me what just happened.  What’s got you so scared?”  She looked at him intensely for a moment and then averted her eyes and shook her head.

 

“I don’t know John.  I really don’t.”  Pulling away from him, she hugged her knees to her chest in a defensive gesture that pulled at his heart.  

 

He moved behind Marlena and wrapped his arms right around her, knees and all.  Her rigidity soon relaxed as she melted back against him.  She leaned her head back against his shoulder and he buried his nose in her silky hair, inhaling her beautiful scent.

 

Her regular breathing soon assured John that she had fallen into a peaceful slumber.  He gently lay back, carefully cushioning her.  Curling his body around hers protectively he pulled the blanket up around them.  He lay listening to her soft breaths, watching the way her body rose and fell on the crest of each one and he pondered the incident.  He was too tired to ponder for long as he too slipped into the luxury of sleep.

Chapter 20 – The Morning After the Night Before

The sunlight scattered in playful freckles across the crumpled sheets.  It danced across the peaceful bodies as it glittered through the raindrops on the windowpane.  A smooth slim leg slowly twined around a larger, hairier one and the sound of a contented sigh filled the room.

******

The doorbell chimed again, and the housekeeper muttered as she wiped her hands on her apron on the way to the door.  It opened to reveal Shawn and Caroline Brady.  With her usual dignity Caroline explained that they had come to pick up Sami’s bag.  Illeanna nodded and led them into the living room.  The room had suffered quite badly from the events of the previous night.  Several bloodstains marred the green carpet and one of the brocade sofas.  The French door had been boarded up but the curtains surrounding it hung in soggy swathes.  Shards of broken glass littered the saturated carpet at the foot of the door.

 

Shawn quickly located and gathered up Sami’s bag.  With a quick nod and thank-you to Illeanna, the Brady’s left the DiMera mansion.  It occurred to them only when they reached the hospital that Illeanna had not bothered to even ask after her employer.

******

Marlena slowly resurfaced from her deep sleep feeling slightly disoriented.  Her subconscious mind was weaving snatches of reality into the fabric of her dreams and in the half world between slumber and waking she was unsure exactly what was real and what was not.  She suddenly woke with a start as she realized that the warm body lying next to her actually existed.  To be sure that he wasn’t just another trick that her mind was pulling on her, she gently lay her hand over his one that rested on her belly.  She smiled as the warm roughness of it assured her that he was indeed an indisputable fact.

 

Slowly the trickle of images from the previous night became a torrent and her eyes shone softly as she relived the evening in her mind.  That familiar warmth suffused through her as she recalled their impassioned lovemaking, and a smile touched her lips as she remembered the pillow fight that had led to yet more lovemaking.  All the while, John’s soft, regular breaths blew reassuringly against the nape of her neck and his strong but gentle arms enfolded her.

Carefully, taking care not to wake him, Marlena turned over so that she was facing him.  She froze as he twitched and mumbled but then relaxed as he pulled her closer in his contented sleep.  Freeing her arm, she brushed back the fine blonde hair that covered her face.  Her hand automatically found its way back down to John’s chest and she lay back, content just to watch him sleep.

******

With Will on one hip, Carrie opened the door.  Holding him tightly, she crouched down to get the morning paper.  She fell back with a muffled gasp as a pair of heavy boot clad feet appeared in front of her.

 

“Hi.”  She almost overbalanced as she stood up, not taking into consideration Will’s weight, and the stranger put a hand out to steady her.  Carrie instinctively backed away and he held out his hands to signify that he meant no harm.  “It’s okay.  I’m not going to hurt you.”  He smiled and Carrie’s suspicion lessened.

 

“Can I help you?”  she asked, shifting a restless Will onto the other hip.

 

“Ah, I’m looking for a friend.  I don’t suppose you’re Carrie by any chance?”

 

“Yes I am.”  Carrie was taken aback.  “I’m sorry…do I know you?”

 

“No.”  He smiled and shook his head.  “I’m actually an old friend of your husband’s.  Austin and I went to school together.  My name is Grant.  Grant Whittaker”

 

“Oh, I see.”  Carrie’s serious face broke into a delighted grin.  “Nice to meet you, Grant.  I don’t know many of Austin’s friends, so it’s always great to get to know one.”  She freed her hand from Will’s clutches and proffered it to the young man.  He shook it, seeming to notice Will for the first time.

 

“Goodness.”  He took the baby’s hand in his.  “Don’t tell me Austin has a son as well?  I thought a wife was surprise enough.”  Carrie paused for a moment but decided that it wasn’t her place to tell Austin’s friend the whole sorry saga.

 

“Yeah, he has….”

******

Q emerged from the bathroom with a scowl on his face.  He was never going to get used to the business of being mortal.  Dropping his towel on the floor of the spare room, he looked in the mirror and drew his hair back with a comb.  His serious expression softened as the closed door across the hallway caught his eye.  If all went well, he wouldn’t be mortal much longer anyway.

 

He flung the comb down on the dresser and walked to the doorway.  He contemplated unlocking the wooden door to Marlena’s bedroom for a moment but decided that they could do with some more time to themselves, and he stalked down the corridor.

 

He swept down the wide stairs and into the kitchen.  A quick creative effort resulted in a spread that effectively satisfied his appetite.  He hummed softly to himself as her exited the penthouse, totally oblivious to the red light which blinked ominously on the answer machine.

******

  

 

Realizing they were still standing in the doorway of the apartment, Carrie asked Grant if he would like to come inside.  He followed her in and sat down on the couch as she put Will in the playpen.  A few minutes in the kitchen produced a pot of tea and a plate of biscuits.  

 

“Sorry I’m here so early.”  Grant apologized.  “Once I found out where Austin was, I wanted to catch up with him as soon as possible.”

 

“Well, he’s just in the shower at the moment.  He should be out soon.”  Carrie poured him a cup of tea and then poured one for herself and one for Austin.  “So how long is it since you last saw Austin?”

 

“Ah, quite a long time.”  Grant looked up in thought as he tried to calculate.  “I think the last time I saw Austin; he was nineteen.”

 

“Oh.”  Carrie’s eyes widened.  “Well, he’s changed quite a bit since then.”  The room was silent as they both contemplated this information.  

 

Carrie took a sip of her tea and then looked up   “How did you know that Austin was married then?” 

 

“Well, I actually didn’t until I got into town.  By a wonderful stroke of chance, I happened to meet a young lady who told me where you lived.”  His eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled.

 

“Who was that?”  A look of confusion swept over Carrie’s face.

 

“Your sister Sami.”  Grant raised his eyebrows and took a sip of his tea.  Carrie coughed convulsively as she inhaled a mouthful of tea.  Grant stood up to help her, but she waved her hands at him as she regained control.

 

“Thanks, I’m fine.”  She cleared her throat and cast her eye across at Will who was playing happily with his spinning top.  “So, you met Sami?”

 

“Yeah, nice girl.”  He looked at Carrie appraisingly.  “I can see the resemblance.  You’re both very attractive.”

 

A slight blush stained Carrie’s cheeks and she was thankful that she was saved any further comment by sounds from the bedroom.  The door opened and Austin froze as he saw the visitor.

“Hi bud!  How are ya?”  Grant grinned widely.  Austin looked from Grant to Carrie uncertainly and then back again.  Several seconds later he composed himself and smiled widely.

 

“Grant!  Wow, how long has it been?”

******

The grumbling of Marlena’s stomach roused her from her doze.  Counting back, she realized that she hadn’t eaten for almost a whole day.  More than likely, neither had John.  She extricated herself from John’s arms with the utmost of care and rolled over to the edge of the bed, untangling herself from the sheet in the process.

Yawning, she slipped out of the bed and picked up her peach robe from the floor.  She wrapped it around herself in a futile attempt to insulate herself from the cool morning air and knotted the tie around her waist.  She peered into the mirror and made a face as she quickly pulled the brush through her tousled hair.  

Unconsciously holding her breath, she moved to the door and tried the handle.  It was still stuck fast, and Marlena closed her eyes in frustration.

 

“Eugene Bradford,” she shook her head, “when I eventually get out of here, you are going to have some serious explaining to do.”  She muttered the threat under her breath.  

 

Still, she couldn’t be entirely angry with him.  If it hadn’t been for him, she wouldn’t be here now with John in her bed.  John is in my bed!  Every so often it seemed to hit her, and she felt as if she couldn’t contain her joy.  She wanted to dance and sing and tell the whole world that she was back where she belonged.

 

She sat on the edge of the bed and watched his beloved face for a moment.  Aside from her children, she loved this man more than anyone or anything else in this whole world and she could hardly believe he was here with her now.  She sat for a long moment, just watching him sleep.  Dancing and singing were not on the agenda right now.  A hot shower would have to suffice.  Her eyes wandered over his body.  His chest and his arms were exposed, the rest of him covered lightly by the sheet.  A slow, sexy smile spread across her face.  Maybe a cold shower would be more appropriate.

******

Sami’s face lit up as Shawn and Caroline appeared around the door and came into the room.

“Thanks goodness you’re here!” she greeted them with a brilliant smile.  “I’ve been going mad with boredom.”  Caroline kissed her granddaughter on the cheek.

 

“Well, you’re certainly looking better dear.”

 

“I’m feeling much better.”  Sami replied.  “Now if you could just go and tell Dr. Horton that, maybe we can get out of here.”

 

“Not so fast Sami.”  Mike stood at the door, an amused expression on his face.  “You’ll go home when I ‘m satisfied that you’re well enough to go home.  And when I know that you have some help.

 

Sami pursed her lips in an effort to look annoyed, and laughter chased the frown away.  Mike turned to Caroline.  “I want someone to stay with Sami while she’s recovering.  She’s not going to be able to do much with that injured arm, so she’s going to need a lot of help.  Especially with Will.”  Caroline nodded and patted Mike’s arm in a motherly fashion.

 

“She can stay with us at the pub Mike.  There’s always plenty of people willing to lend a hand there.”  He nodded and walked over to the end of the bed.  

 

He picked up the chart and flicked through it.

“That sounds good.  I’ll probably keep you in here for one more night Sami.  Just to be on the safe side.  You should be able to go tomorrow morning.”  Sami’s shoulder’s slumped slightly but she graciously nodded her head.

 

“Thanks Dr. Horton.”  He put the chart back on the end of the bed and looked at his watch.

 

“Well, I have rounds.  I’ll see you all later.  Not too much excitement for the patient please.”  He winked at Sami and left the room.

 

Sami turned her attention back to her grandparents, her eyes alighting on the bag that Shawn held at his side.

 

“You got it!”  she exclaimed with relief.  “Oh, thank you *so* much.”    Shawn handed the bag to her, and she quickly flicked through the contents, assuring herself that everything was still there.  Caroline looked at Shawn.  They had been tempted to sneak a look in Sami’s bag to find out what was so important, but neither of them had been willing to break her trust.  Shawn turned to Sami.

“So, what’s so important then?” he asked lightly.  Sami’s demeanor became serious.

“It actually belongs to someone else and it’s kind of private.”  She ineffectively tried to cover the guilt she felt but her grandparents either didn’t see it to they chose to ignore it.  

“So have you managed to locate Mom or John yet?”  she asked brightly, attempting to change the subject.

 

“No.”  Caroline perched on the side of the hospital bed.  “I called the penthouse again this morning, but there was still no answer.”

 

“Well, the two of them can’t have just vanished into thin air!”  Sami exclaimed.  “If you ask me, it seems more and more likely that the two of them are together.  Wherever they are.”

 

“Well actually…”    Caroline said slowly, “Belle and Brady told us this morning that they think that John was at the penthouse before Eugene brought them to us.”

 

“I told you this morning’ Caroline.  Those kiddies will say what they think you want to hear.”  Shawn shook his head, not ready to believe it unless he saw it with his own eyes.

 

“And I told you Shawn Brady.  I think they were telling the truth.”

 

“Well, if they were, where are Mom and John now?”  Sami asked curiously.

******

Marlena slipped the silky robe off her shoulders, letting it fall in a languid pile at her feet.  She opened the shower door a fraction and tested the water with her fingers as clouds of steam billowed into the room.  She adjusted the tap until she judged it right and opened the door up fully.  She stepped into the shower, her body tingling as the spikes of hot water collided with her skin.

She luxuriated in the hot water, feeling it run through her hair and slither down her body.  It washed away the tension that she felt in her shoulder and soothed the stiff muscles that she had developed from the previous evening’s exertions.  Stepping out of the hot jet of water, she wiped her eyes and reached for the liquid body-wash that hang from the shower head.  She started as a hand reached past her and took the body-wash.

 

“Why don’t you let me do that for you?”  John’s hand slipped around Marlena’s waist, and he pulled her round.  There was a thud as the bottle hit the bottom of the shower.

******

Q kicked the door shut behind him.  He had thought about going to the Brady’s to pick up the children, but without doubt there would have been more questioning, and he really couldn’t be bothered.  Besides which, a children-free afternoon might be quite nice for the lovers upstairs.    Q tripped over a toy truck on the way to the couch.  He booted the offending article out of the way and slumped down on the couch with a bag of salt and vinegar chips.  

 

The real truth of the matter was that Q wasn’t terribly keen on children.  He couldn’t really see the point of them.  They just got in the way.  Still, Marlena and John seemed to like them.  And when they want them back, they can go and get them.  He smiled.  Then *they* can do the explaining.  

“Speaking of which…” he said to himself.  He looked at the window, gauging the height of the sun.  Then, his fingers pressed together, he looked at his wristwatch.    The click of his fingers coincided with a click in the door handle mechanism upstairs.

******

Marlena and John were oblivious to the fact that the door was unlocked.  They were oblivious to everything else but themselves.  John found Marlena’s tongue with his as he pulled her slippery body tight against his.  She melted into his kiss with a fervor that surprised both of them.  He stepped back to look at her and she quickly snaked her arms round his neck, pulling his head forward with the back of her hand.  John stroked his hands down her back and squeezed her buttocks lightly as he explored the inside of her mouth.  One hand made its way up her body, lingering at her breast for a moment before burrowing its way into the hair at the top of her neck.

Hungrily Marlena kissed him again, wanting to possess him more than ever.  She moaned as he pulled her head away from his but sighed as he transferred his attentions to her throat.  His licks and kisses mingled with the rivulets of water which ran down the exposed flesh, driving Marlena wild with desire.  Digging her fingernails into his shoulders, she hooked one leg high around his waist, feeling his hardness against her.

“Not yet.”  He whispered in her ear before taking her earlobe in his mouth and coating it in saliva with his tongue.  Marlena’s breaths were coming in short hard bursts and she molded her palms around his perfect buttocks, pulling her against him rhythmically.  John groaned and pushed her away from him.  She gasped with shock as he pushed her back up against the white tiles of the shower.  The coolness of the tiles invaded the contact points of her skin and she tried to move away but John’s strong arm kept her against the wall.

 

Keeping his eyes locked on hers and his hand firmly on her stomach, he leant down to get the body-wash.  He flicked the top open and poured some into the palm of his hand.  Dropping the bottle again, he rubbed his hands together, creating a creamy foam.  Applying his hands to Marlena’s body, he began to rub his hands in small circular motions.  First, he applied it to her neck and shoulders, then over her arms, soaping right down to her fingertips.  All the while looking at her eyes, he replenished his supply and began to massage her breasts.  Marlena arched her back as he found her most sensitive spots.  Gliding his hands down her waist he bathed her stomach and the soft curve of her hips.  His hands slid smoothly to her rear and over to the curves to the top of her legs. 

Marlena closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of John’s expert hands on her body.  He knelt down on the shower floor and used two hands to soap each smooth leg.  With one smooth stroke he slid his hands up the inside of her soapy legs.  She gasped as he reached the top of her thighs and succumbed to their pressure, adjusting her position.  She gripped the soap tray with one hand as he moved in with his tongue and began to explore her.

 

John used his mouth and fingers alternately to drive Marlena crazy.  A scream emanated from somewhere within her as he began to suck insistently on her most sensitive spot.  

“Oh God!” she sobbed.  “John…”  Another harsh pant escaped her as she became overwhelmed again.  Gaining some semblance of control, she moved her hands down to his shoulders and pushed him away.  John was just as ready as she was and he happily acquiesced.  

 

Working his mouth up over her body, he pulled himself upright and gathered her into his arms.  He brushed the hair from her face and covering her rear with his large hands, he lifted her up against him.  In the same movement, Marlena lifted her legs and crossed them tightly around his hips, the soap washed from her thighs by the hot stream of water.  She folded her arms firmly around John’s neck running her fingers through his soaking hair.  Supporting her against the wall, John couldn’t help but close his eyes as he slid slowly into her.  It took all his control not to come straight away as her warm wetness enveloped him.

 

Feeling him enter her, Marlena cried out his name and leant back against the wall, all her concentration on the feeling of his thrusts.

 

“Oh *God*!”  John’s exclamation was muffled as he buried his face in her breasts.  Never slackening his pace, he took one of her nipples in his mouth and began to suck on it, softly at first, then a little harder.

 

“Oh!”  Marlena pulled herself against John harder, quickening the rhythm.  “Oh John.  Don’t stop.”  John drew his head back and shook it with wide eyes.

 

“I’m not about to Doc!”  A laugh escaped Marlena’s reddened lips and she bent her head to meet his.  A passionate kiss later the pace renewed, becoming more and more frantic.

 

Marlena reached her orgasm first, emitting a scream as she sank her face into John’s dripping hair.  John felt her muscles go tense, but he held on as the waves of her climax subsided.  Sustaining a slightly slower rhythm he set about arousing her again, using his tongue to further inflame her already swollen nipples.  Marlena, astounded at his stamina, quickly lost her surprise as she was swept away by the currents racing through her body.  Every stroke, every taste compounded her ecstasy, her breaths coming in gasps now.

 

When she was almost sobbing, John quickened the pace again, thrusting into her, needing to possess her completely.  Marlena raked her fingernails up his back, so totally lost in her desire that she left deep scratches in his dark skin.  John hardly felt the pain as he concentrated every bit of his consciousness on bringing Marlena to the brink of another orgasm.  As she reached it and he felt her go rigid, he finally gave in to the demands of his body and let the waves sweep him away.

 

Exhausted, Marlena lay her head on John’s shoulder.  A chill in the water finally brought an awareness of their surroundings and John gently lowered Marlena to the floor.  Opening the door, he turned off the tap and stepped out onto the bathmat.  Taking a big fluffy white towel from the heated rail, he wrapped it around a shivering Marlena.  Another one fitted snugly around his waist.  Wiping the water off her face with his fingers, he smiled at her.

 

“Now what did you think you were doing taking a shower without me?”

Chapter 21 – The Untitled Chapter

John pulled Marlena’s thick white toweling robe off the hanger and wrapped it around her shoulders.  Marlena slipped her arms through the holes and stretched sensuously as John crossed the robe across her front and tied it up.  Taking hold of the collar of his robe, she pulled him forward into a slow, soft kiss. 

 

With no warning other than a big grin, he swept Marlena up into his arms and carried her to the bed. He crawled onto the bed himself and molded his body against hers.  

 

“Hi there.” She raised her eyebrows and smiled seductively. 

 

“Well, good morning to you Dr. Evans.” John’s voice was a low, throaty growl as he wiped the droplets of water off her face with his thumb. 

 

“And what a good morning it was.” Marlena raised her hands to John’s cheeks, framing his face. 

 

“Just what the good doctor ordered.” John pulled Marlena’s hand away from his face and twined his fingers with hers.  He contemplated their hands together and then turned back to face her. 

 

“That’s us,” he told her. “Our souls are interwoven throughout space and time.  We were meant to be together Marlena.  It’s our destiny.”  The intensity of his eyes sent shivers through Marlena, and she found herself lost for words for a moment.  The love she felt for John welled up inside her and knowing that words could never describe the intensity of her feelings for him, she put them all into a kiss that left him wide-eyed.

 

“Woah! What brought that on?”  He asked with a sexy grin, his hand sneaking between the folds of her robe to caress her thigh 

 

“It was to tell you how much I love you.”  She ran her fingernail down the center of his chest. “I still can’t quite believe that you’re here and you’re real.” 

 

“Well, you’d better believe it lady.  I’m here and I’m not going away.”   He laughed as her stomach emitted a hungry grumble.  “Well perhaps I’ll go downstairs and get some food for that beautiful body of yours.” 

 

“Only if the door is open.  I tried it before, and it wasn’t.”  Marlena told him.  “And only on condition that I come with you.  I’m not letting *you* out of my sight.”  John ran his hand up the back of her thigh and over the curve of her buttock. 

 

“I have no problem with that.”  Marlena squirmed as his hand explored further and she regretfully pushed him away as her stomach made its intentions known again. 

 

“I think food was the first thing on the agenda Mr. Black.  Then I have to stop in at the office.  And I think we’d better get you some fresh clothes if you’re going to stay around here.”  John raised his eyebrows and then smiled hopefully at that comment.  “This is going to have to wait until later.” 

 

“I’m holding you to that.”  His cheeky grin made her heart jump and she put her lips up near his ear.  Softly she whispered into it. 

 

“You’d better…”

******

Carrie came out of the bedroom holding Will.  She knew the change of clothes probably wouldn’t last long, but she wanted him to look nice for his mom.  Grant’s reaction to the news that Sami was Will’s mother rather than Carrie had been a kind of silent astonishment.  When he had eventually pulled himself together enough to venture to ask why, Austin had merely told him that it was a long story and left it at that.  His surprise had grown when he had learnt that Sami had been taken to hospital the previous night, not that long after he had seen her.  

 

“Well Grant, sorry to kick you out but Austin and I had really better get going.”  Carrie handed Will to his father and started throwing baby things in a bag to take with them.

 

“You’re going to visit Sami?”  Grant asked, passing the toy that Carrie was reaching for.  “Yeah,  thanks.”  Carrie tucked the stuffed dog in the bag and picked up Will’s cup. 

 

“I don’t suppose I could tag along could I?”  Grant asked a little sheepishly.  “I know she’s only met me briefly, but I know how boring it can be in hospital.  She might be grateful for the diversion.” 

 

“Ah, I’m not sure…”  

 

“Yeah, of course you can come.” Austin cut off Carrie’s dubious reply with his own affirmative one.  Grant smiled while Carrie glared at Austin.  Austin was oblivious to both reactions as he played daddy to Will, talking to the baby and wiping his face.

******

Marlena tucked the bottom of her butter yellow blouse into the waistband of her tailored chocolate-colored pants.  She tucked the end of the belt under the buckle and pulled a comb through her long blonde hair.  Sneaking up behind John, she wound her arms playfully around his body, burying her fingers in his chest hair and rested her head on his shoulder. John groaned in frustration.

 

“Would you stop doing that Doc?” he begged.  “I can’t concentrate while you’re doing that.” 

 

“Oh, you seem to have done okay concentrating on me so far.”  Marlena teased him. 

 

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it Doc.”  He turned round and pulled her into his arms.  “You know I never have any problems concentrating on you.”  He planted a kiss on her forehead.  “It’s trying *not* to concentrate on you that I have problems with.” 

 

“Is that right?”  Marlena said, her smile wide as her hand made its way down John’s back and squeezed his buttock. 

 

“Mmmm. Yes, it is….”  John leant into a sweet, soulful kiss, feeling the stirrings of his desire for her yet again.  Half-heartedly he parted from her and looked down into her lustrous hazel eyes. “Boy, would I love to spend the whole day, actually the whole week in here with you.  But we have things to do Doc.  We have to find out where our kids are for a start, and I have to go and find Kristen.” 

 

“I know.”  Marlena nodded acceptingly.  “I’ve got to have some food too,” she said as the hunger pangs kicked in again.  John grinned and pulled on his t-shirt. 

 

“That doesn’t sound like a half bad proposition Dr. Evans.  If only we can actually get out of this room.”

 

He cautiously approached the door, looking back at Marlena as he reached it.  Heartened by her smile of encouragement, he tried the handle and grinned as it gave way under his touch.  Marlena followed him out of the room and down the steps to the living room.  Q turned as he heard them approaching. “Well, good morning.”  He gave them a knowing smile.  “I trust you had a good evening.”  Marlena’s hand on John’s shoulder stayed his reply. 

 

“Yes, we did thank-you.”  She answered subduedly, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of seeing how well his plan had worked.   As happy as she was with the turn of events, she was still angry with him for what he had done, and he wasn’t about to get away with it.  “I trust you aren’t going anywhere Eugene.  I’d like to talk to you later.” 

 

“My dear Marlena.  Whenever you like.  You might like to go and tell your children the good news first though.”  Q replied cheekily.

 

John eyed the man with a mixture of ire and gratitude.  The last thing he wanted to feel was beholden to Eugene Bradford.  Not after what had happened in the last few days.  On the other hand, Eugene’s actions had facilitated his reunion with the woman he loved more than anything in the world.  John didn’t quite know what to feel.  

 

He descended the rest of the steps and crossed the living room until he stood in front of Q.  Marlena followed him and stood a little way off. 

 

“Firstly.  You’re not to mention this to *anyone*.  Not until we have had time to sort things out.”  John’s expression gave clear warning of his intentions if Q should choose to ignore his order.  

“Secondly.  Where the hell *are* our children?” 

 

“I took them across to stay with the Brady’s at the pub.”  Q told them as he turned his attention back to the television. 

 

John felt Marlena’s hand enclose over his as he clenched and unclenched his fist, trying to contain the desire to knock the smug expression off Eugene Bradford’s face. 

 

“What did you tell Shawn and Caroline when you dropped them off?”  Marlena asked as she moved partly in front of John, giving him a moment to cool down. 

 

“Oh,” Q shrugged his shoulders, “just something about the two of you having unexpected business to take care of.”  He sat back in surprise as twin glares impaled him.  “It’s alright. I never told them the business was together.  As far as they are concerned the two of you are not… with each other.”  A sly grin slipped onto his face.  “And may I say, what a *very* nice couple the two of you do make.” 

******

 

Mike’s concern for his patient grew as he entered the room and saw her looking listlessly out of the window.  The monitor attached to her stomach emitted quiet but regular blips, telling him that the baby was stable. So far. 

 

“So how are you feeling this morning, Kristen?”  He picked up the chart at the end of her bed and perused the graphs and figures that covered the paper.

 

“Fine.”  Kristen’s whisper was vague, like she didn’t care how she was feeling.  Or at least that she didn’t care to tell Mike. 

 

“The nurse tells me that you didn’t sleep at all last night.”  Mike probed carefully.  There was no answer from Kristen as she resumed her study of the clouds that scudded past the window.  “Okay.” 

Mike gave up on that tact.  “We’re going to take you down for a scan of your baby now.  We do have ultrasound equipment up here, but the machine downstairs is more powerful and should give us a better idea of what is going on in there.”  He waited for some sign of a response from Kristen and was rewarded by a nod.  “Okay. Great.” 

 

He signaled for the orderly and nurse to come into the room.  Within two minutes, Kristen was unhooked from the monitors and was being wheeled to the elevator.  Peter ran up to Mike as he saw his sister being moved. 

 

“What’s wrong Mike?” he asked with urgency. 

 

“Nothing’s wrong Peter.  She’s fine and so is the baby.  We’re just taking her downstairs for a scan.” Peter pulled Mike aside ensuring that Kristen could not hear him. 

 

“Has anyone managed to reach John yet?” he asked in a low voice. 

 

“Not as far as I know.”  Mike replied.  “Shawn and Caroline are still trying.”  Peter frowned, unable to keep the look of fury from flitting across his face.  “Peter, it wasn’t John’s fault that this happened. It’s just an unfortunate accident.”  Mike told him. 

 

“Sure.”  Peter nodded, managing to control his features this time.  “Do you want to come and keep Kristen company?” Mike asked him. “I’m sure she could do with the support till John gets here.” 

*******

“Hi.” Carrie popped her head around the corner. Sami’s face lit up as she saw her sister and then her son. 

 

“Hi. And hello wee man.”  She held her arms out for her child and Carrie sat him in her lap, careful not to knock her arm.  “Momma has missed you sweetie.”  Sami said into Will’s hair as she hugged him tightly.  She laughed as he squirmed out of her embrace.  “I guess you didn’t miss me so much then, huh?” 

 

“I think he did.”  Carrie said as she lowered him to the ground and watched him.  “He was quite unsettled last night.” 

 

“Who wouldn’t be in that storm?”  Sami exclaimed.  “Thanks anyway for looking after him.” 

 

“What else were we going to do?” Austin said from the doorway. 

 

“Austin, hi.”  Sami managed a smile through her misery as Austin encircled Carrie with his arms. 

 

“Hi Sami,” he greeted her less than enthusiastically.  “How are you feeling?” 

 

“Not too bad.”  Sami nodded, feeling helpless.  “I guess I’ve been better though.” 

 

“Well, we’ve got something that might cheer you up.”  Austin grinned. 

 

“What’s that?”  Sami asked curiously. 

 

“Hi.”  Grant stuck his head around the corner of the door jamb.  “Remember me?” 

 

“Oh,” Sami’s surprise superseded her manners for a moment.  “Grant, hello.”

 

“Austin and Carrie told me what happened, and I felt real bad because it wasn’t that long after I saw you.  So, I thought I’d just stop by and say hi.”  He smiled awkwardly as he tried to explain his presence.  “I hope you don’t mind. I’ll go if you do.” 

 

“No, of course I don’t mind.”  Sami smiled as Will clamored to get up on the bed, as though he had just realized that his mother was there.

 

“Austin could you….”  Austin picked the child up and deposited him in Sami’s arms.  “And you can come in from the doorway you know.”  She smiled welcomingly at Austin’s friend.  “So. What are you all up to today?”

******

Marlena took John’s arm and pulled him into the kitchen. 

 

“Don’t do it John.  Remember what happened last time you tried.?” 

 

“I just wanna see that infuriatingly smarmy grin on the other side of his face Doc.” John punched his fist into his hand in frustration.  “The man makes me see red.” 

 

“I know, I know sweetheart,” Marlena said soothingly.  “But he is trying to help.  However irritating he may be while he’s doing it.” 

 

“Yeah.” John agreed grudgingly. 

 

“Perhaps I should make some coffee for us.  What do you feel like for breakfast?”  She asked him with a smile. 

 

“Ah, perhaps *I* can take care of that Doc.”  John suggested hopefully. 

 

“I’m fully capable of making breakfast John.”  Marlena wasn’t about to be swayed from her purpose so easily.

 

“I know you are Doc.”  John soothed.  “It’s just that I’d like to make breakfast for *you*. It’s been a while since I’ve had the opportunity.”  He slid a hand round her waist and pulled her close against him. 

 

“It is rather, isn’t it?”  Her smile was one of extreme contentment. 

 

“Yes, it is.”  John pecked her on the lips quickly and then turned her around.  “Now why don’t you go and find out what our friend out there is planning for today.”  He pushed her towards the door, swatting her bottom playfully.

 

Marlena walked slowly back into the living room, wincing as she stretched her aching muscles.  Q was standing by the window, watching the sky as it clouded over.  Marlena walked up behind him. 

 

“So, did you have a nice time?” he asked quietly, no hint of provocation in his voice. 

 

“Yes, we did thank you.”  Marlena answered him equally as quietly.  “But I’m afraid that doesn’t justify the means that you used.” 

 

“I’m sorry?”  Q seemed slightly confused.  “I thought you’d be happy.” 

 

“Eugene, I am.”  She put her hand on his arm to reassure him.  “But there are other people to consider in this equation.  Our children for one thing.  How could we truly relax when we had no idea where they were or if they were alright?” 

 

“You should have known I would let no harm come to them.”  Q’s affront was evident. 

 

“I did ‘Gene, but that doesn’t stop me, as a mother, worrying.  I’m just trying to say, please don’t do it again.”  Q nodded wordlessly, seemingly understanding what she was trying to say.

 

Now, what are you planning to do today?”  Marlena asked him with a smile, skillfully changing the subject.  Q sighed. 

 

“I have no idea.  I seem to have outstayed my welcome with most of the people in town and to be quite honest, there’s not an awful lot to do in Salem by yourself.” 

 

“Oh, I’m sure we can find something to keep you occupied.”  Marlena grinned.  

 

As she turned, her attention was caught by the flashing light on the answering machine.  She turned back to Q.  “Any idea how long that message has been there?” she asked.  Q shrugged his shoulders. He’d never even looked at the machine.  Marlena walked over and pushed the button, looking around the room as she waited for the messages to replay. 

 

The machine had tagged the first message as arriving at 9:30pm. 

 

“Marlena dear, can you call me as soon as you get this message?”  That was Caroline’s voice.  And then, at 9:45 pm, “Marlena.  It’s Shawn.  Listen darlin’ there’s been an accident at Kristen’s.  Sami’s involved but we’re not sure what’s happened.  We don’t know much about it but we think it might be the baby.  Darlin’ we’ll be at the hospital, if you know where John is, can you let him know, we’ve been tryin’ to reach him too.”  Q looked at Marlena in horror as the message cut out. 

 

Chapter 22 – Confessions

When John had entered the living room and seen Marlena’s ashen face, he had practically dropped the cups of coffee he had held, in his haste to get to her. When he had asked her what was wrong.  She had merely replayed the message on the phone, a feeling of dread in her heart as she listened to Shawn’s voice again.

 

Then John had called the pub to check on the children. Hope had told him that as far as she knew, Sami was alright, but no-one was quite sure about Kristen. When she had ventured to question him about his whereabouts, he had neatly sidestepped the question, not willing to admit he had been with Marlena while Kristen was having a possible miscarriage. However much he loved Marlena, it did nothing to help assuage the guilt he felt.

 

They had both abided in silence in the car on the way to the hospital, each lost in a horror of their own making. John in an anguish that somehow, by not being there for Kristen, he had contributed to her second miscarriage in a matter of months. Marlena in a numbing fear that this latest tragedy would somehow tear John from her again, just when they had finally found each other.

 

Upon their arrival at the University hospital, Mike Horton had taken John to one side while Marlena continued on to the room where her daughter lay injured. Now John stood in the staff room while Mike explained Kristen’s condition to him.

 

“But I don’t understand Mike. Why would it happen now?”

“I really don’t know John. Miscarriages can happen at any time and any place. There can be many reasons, some of which we don’t even know yet.” Mike tried to explain the vagaries of pregnancy and miscarriage to John, but he barely heard them in his shell-shocked state.

“But when Kristen miscarried in Paris there was a reason. She was in that explosion and …” John shook his head in disbelief.

“John, you have to remember that Kristen hasn’t actually miscarried the baby,” Mike reminded him. “But yes, there was a reason in Paris. And I suspect there is a reason here. I just don’t know what it is yet. Kristen refuses to talk to anyone. Maybe you’ll have more luck,” he appealed.

 

John rubbed his fingers across his brow, as though trying to erase the lines of worry that bore deep furrows into his forehead.

“Tell me honestly Mike. How likely is it that Kristen will lose this child?”

“Honestly John? She’s more likely to lose it than not. Given the fact that it’s not that long since she miscarried last time,” he sighed. “I can’t give you numbers John. She does have on her side the fact that the pregnancy is out of the first trimester. And the scans are indicating that the baby is relatively strong and healthy….” Mike’s recitation was stopped by the confused look on John’s face. 

“What is it, John?”

“I’m sorry Mike, did you say that Kristen’s pregnancy has passed the first trimester?” John’s mind quickly backtracked, doing mental sums. Mike nodded.

“According to -“

“Would you like to explain where you *were* all of last night while my sister was lying in agony on that hospital bed?” Peter’s voice interrupted the conversation between the doctor and the ex-policemen. One look at Peter DiMera Blake’s face made John’s heart slump and a voice inside his brain repeated two hollow words. He knows.

******

 

Marlena’s heart lifted when she saw Sami’s face. A healthy glow convinced her that her daughter had not been badly hurt and was already well on the way to recovery. She sat on the bed playing with her son, Carrie in a chair next to the bed. Austin and Grant had long since disappeared for a spot of catching up and the two siblings seemed unusually relaxed in each other’s company. Will was the first one to catch sight of Marlena standing in the doorway and he gurgled his childish greeting happily.

 

“Mom!” Sami beamed when she saw her mother. Marlena entered the room and enveloped her daughter and grandson in a big hug.

“Oh sweetie, thank goodness you’re all right,” she told Sami. “I was so worried when I got the message.” The look of utter sincerity on her face convinced Sami immediately. She nodded and patted the side of the bed, allowing Marlena a place to sit down, which she did, right after she hugged Carrie.

“Where were you Mom? Granma and Granpa have been trying to get hold of you all night,” Sami asked. She was unsuccessful in her search for an answer as Marlena skipped the question with one of her own.

 

“I’ll explain all that later. I want to know about you first. How on earth did all this happen? And when will they let you come back home with me?” She rested one hand on Will’s back and squeezed Sami’s good hand.

“You don’t have to Mom…” Sami shook her head.

“I know I don’t have to.” Marlena smiled and caressed Sami’s cheek. “I want to. And I insist that I am going to be allowed to.” She smiled at Will. “Besides, I love having the two of you around the apartment. Now. I want details.”

******

John felt the adrenalin speed through his system as he faced a furious Peter. His mind raced. If he knows, then Kristen probably knows. But how? He looked back at Peter, the depth of sheer hatred on the man’s face surprising him. Mike looked at the confrontation and took pity on John. Feelings between he and Peter were at an all-time low, it was unlikely that anything he could say now would make them any worse. And quite frankly, he didn’t care if it did. After what Peter had done to Jennifer and his mother, Mike could care less about what Peter thought about him. His opinion of the man wasn’t exactly high.

“Excuse me Peter. I’m taking John to see Kristen now. You’ll be able to see her again later. Meanwhile, why don’t you go home and get some sleep. Or at least freshen up,” he suggested pointedly. Peter’s glare at John was nothing short of threatening as he brusquely pushed past Mike and left the room.

 

John let out the breath that he had been unaware that he was holding.  “Thanks Mike.”

“Well, I’m loathe to ask what all that was about, but since Kristen is my patient…” Mike stopped as he noticed the slightly guilty expression that flashed across John’s face. “What is it, John? Where were you?” John sighed, knowing there was no way that people would not find out. Not that he wanted to lie anyway. The previous night had been too special to deny. But he had to ask himself whether it was worth the price that might be paid.

 

“It’s a long story Mike.” John told him. “The short version is that I was with Marlena.” He noted the slight drop of Mike’s jaw as he digested the news. What he was surprised by was the smile that slid in to replace the surprise.

“With, as in…?” Mike asked him quietly. John couldn’t help the smile that reflected Mike’s.

“Yeah.” But then he became serious. “It wasn’t something we planned Mike.” Mike grinned.

“Yeah, well I think we all know that. It’s about time you two realized what you have together.” John looked at him oddly but then continued with his previous line of thought…

 

“I’m just worried with the way that Peter acted just then, that he knows. I don’t know how. And if he knows, then perhaps Kristen does too.” Mike reflected on Kristen’s behaviour and looked at John worriedly.

“You might be right John.”

“Would the shock of finding out about that be enough to cause a miscarriage?” John asked.

“Could be.” Mike nodded. “In which case, I’m a bit concerned about you going in there. It could make things worse.”

“But what if she doesn’t know Mike? If I don’t go in there, what is she going to think?

Mike closed his eyes in contemplation.  “All right. Go in. But the first sign of Kristen being agitated, I want you out of there. You got that?” John nodded.

“Okay Mike. Wish me luck. I’ve a feeling I’m gonna need it.”

******

Marlena squeezed Sami’s hand as she finished her tale of the previous night’s happenings.
“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry you had to go through that. But what I don’t understand is why you were at Kristen’s in the first place.” Marlena shook her head. Sami frowned. She hardly wanted a hospital room to be her confessional. Especially not while Carrie was there. And not before she was able to talk to John.

“Oh, I just wanted to talk to John about something,” she brushed off the question airily. Marlena raised her eyebrows but was caught off balance by Sami’s next question.

“Speaking of John, has he turned up yet? And where on earth *were* you last night Mom?”

Carrie, who had been watching proceedings with intense interest, also turned to Marlena with an expectant look on her face. The girls were rewarded with the slight blush that stained Marlena’s cheeks. Sami grinned.

“Don’t look at me like that Sami.” Marlena scolded.

“Like what Mom?” Sami continued to grin while Marlena sat silently and uncomfortably under the scrutiny of her daughters.

“So, Marlena. You never answered the question. Where were you last night?” Carrie repeated Sami’s query. Marlena sighed.

“You girls aren’t going to make this easy for me, are you?” Sami and Carrie shook their heads in unison, twin smiles gracing their faces. Marlena laughed lightly along with them.

“What if I refuse to tell you?” she teased.

“Denial is only confirmation.” Sami said knowingly. Marlena shook her head.

“If you know so much, why are you even bothering to ask me?”

“Because we want to see that smile on your face when you tell us.” Carrie looked at her sister. “And you don’t need to worry about *either* of us being upset.”

 

Marlena looked at Sami with more seriousness and an unspoken question. Sami smiled and nodded, silently encouraging Marlena to confirm what they already knew. Marlena took a deep breath and looked down at the cover of the bed for a moment. Composing herself, she looked back up.

“John and I were together last night,” she said in a low husky voice. Sami nudged Carrie.

“There’s that smile, sis. So, Mom. You were together – all night?”

Marlena couldn’t help the smile that radiated from her very soul.

“It’s a long story Sami. Let’s just say that we were accidentally locked in my room, and we didn’t get out till this morning.”

“Accidentally huh?” Carrie baited Marlena as she lifted a sleepy Will off Sami’s knee.

“Yes!” Marlena protested her innocence.

“Accidentally. In your *bedroom*.” Sami emphasised.

“You two are incorrigible.” Marlena exclaimed with a touch of good-humored exasperation.

“We are just glad to see you happy.” Sami confirmed Carrie’s comment with a nod.

“Well, I’m glad that you two are happy but I don’t want any of this information going any further than this room.” Marlena added. “Not until…” Her voice faded out, and her expression clouded over. Carrie put her hands over Marlena’s.

“We understand Marlena. It’s not exactly the ideal situation.”

“He was planning to tell her before….” Marlena felt the inexplicable fear that was haunting her yet again. “Now…” she shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

******

John’s footsteps sounded muffled on the linoleum floor. Kristen’s room was darkened, the blind closing down the light from outside. Kristen herself lay huddled in the bed, her arms protectively enfolding her stomach. Facing away from the door, she ignored the new visitor.

 

John stood for a moment, wondering which was the best way to approach this. Deciding there was no best way, he walked quietly to the hospital bed.

“Kristen?” Her name from John’s lips made Kristen bury her face further into the hard rubber pillow, a small moan escaping her. John’s heart ached to see her in such emotional and physical pain and he wanted to reach out to her and smooth it all away. But he hadn’t been there for her earlier on and it was unlikely that she was going to let him help her now. Especially if, as he suspected, he was the reason for her suffering.

 

He moved around the bed so that he could see her face.

“Kristen, honey?” Her red-rimmed eyes darted to him and then back to the pillow. With her grief etched clearly on her face in the half-light, she laboriously turned over and away from John. He patiently waited for a few moments and then walked around the end of the bed to the other side. He quietly sat down in the chair while Kristen studiously ignored him. Several minutes later, John judged it time to try again.

 

“Kristen? Look I know you don’t want to talk to me-“

“Why don’t you go away then.” Kristen muttered; her hostility obvious.

“Kristen. Honey-“

“Don’t call me that,” she snapped angrily.

“Kristen, what’s going on here?” John asked, dreading the answer. A moment’s silence only prolonged his agony.

 

Finally, Kristen opened her eyes, looking straight at John.

“Why did you do that to me?” The accusation that made John’s heart sink was made in a strangled whisper. He looked at Kristen helplessly, unable to form a defence. “I loved you and I trusted you.” A sob choked off her words. “How could you do that to me?”

“Oh God Kristen. I-” John shook his head, “I’m *so* sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Then why did you?” Kristen was crying freely now. John was quiet again, unable to think of anything to say that would not make matters worse than they already were.

 

“How did you….” John didn’t want to hurt Kristen anymore but he had to know. “How did you find out Kristen?” Kristen gave a bitter laugh.

“I would have thought you would have figured that out already John. But then she’s always had you whitewashed. You’d never think anything bad about her, would you?” She shook her head tiredly at John’s look of confusion. “It was your *precious* Marlena, John. She and that *friend* of hers had the whole thing planned. They worked out some ingenious way to keep you there and then she…,” Kristen faltered slightly but then found her purpose again and carried on. “She seduced you. And while she was seducing you, *he* came to torture me.”

Fresh tears slipped out as she recalled the scene from Marlena’s bedroom that would be forever imprinted in her mind.

 

“I didn’t believe him at first you know. I thought that…I thought that…” she pressed the back of her hand against her lips to stop the wrenching sobs that threatened to spill out. “I *wouldn’t* believe it. So, do you know what he did John? Can you guess what he did?” The tone of her voice practically dripped icicles. John shook his head numbly, tears falling unchecked onto his face. “He took me to *see* you John.” Kristen’s voice rose to a higher pitch with an oddly atonal quality. “I stood at the end of the bed while you *made love* to Marlena.” The words were inflected with the ache of grief and her abhorrence of Marlena. “I stood at the end of the bed and screamed while you made love to another woman and then that *thing* left me in that empty house to lose our baby.” Kristen glared at John as he felt his world fall apart.

 

“So now you know John. You know how I knew.” Slowly and with effort she turned over again, supporting her belly with her hands. “So could you just leave me alone now?”

 

Chapter 23  – Two Wrongs….

John stared at Kristen, nausea pervading his whole being.  Marlena had known?  He couldn’t believe that of Marlena, but what reason did Kristen have to lie?  Him mind swam with images – Eugene and Marlena standing in front of the window.  Being locked in that bedroom and making love to Marlena.  Bradford’s self-satisfied grin when they had emerged in the morning and Marlena’s reluctance to confront him about the whole issue.

 

John hung his head and buried his face in his hands.  He felt more confused than he had ever before in his life.  He didn’t want to believe what Kristen said but perhaps she was right.  He just wanted Marlena so much that he wouldn’t believe any accusations about her.  Perhaps he just had to face the fact that the old saying could be right.  Love *is* blind and he didn’t know Marlena as well as he thought he did.  Not any more anyway.

 

“John, just *go*.”  Kristen whispered, a sense of satisfaction overriding the pain she felt.  John sat unmoving and unseeing in the dim light.  Kristen allowed herself a little look back at his face and was stabbed by the look of abject misery and betrayal on his face.  She tried to tell herself that it was because she hated having to hurt him like this.  The real truth was that her own betrayal would probably have a much less profound effect on John than the thought of Marlena’s and the knowledge rove through her like a sharp blade.  She gasped as another cramp gripped her belly and a tear escaped the corner of her eye.  She had to hold onto this baby.  It was her only hope of keeping John.  It was the key to her happiness, and she wasn’t going to give it up without a struggle.

 

The stifled noise that came from Kristen was enough to rouse John out of his distressed abstraction.

“Kristen?  Are you okay?”  John asked worriedly as the rhythm of the beeping monitors quickened slightly.  The almost imperceptible shift of Kristen’s head signaled a nod, and a choked sob came from the bed.   “Oh God Kristen.  I’m *so* sorry.”  John was crying now.  “I’ve made such a mess of everything.  For so long.”  

 

Kristen listened to John’s quiet sobs for several moments before turning over.

 

“I’m sorry too John.  You’ve made the best of an awful situation for a long time now.  With the history you have with Marlena it’s only natural to want to give in to the memories.”  She sniffed theatrically.  “But I love you, John.  And we have our child to consider.  Perhaps, given time we could mend some of the damage that’s been done.”  She paused for a moment watching John’s stricken face, only imagining the inner turmoil that he was suffering.

 

Squeezing another tear form her eye, Kristen continued melodramatically.  “I love you, John.  All I’ve ever wanted was for the two of us to be happy.”

 

John raised his red eyes to meet hers.

 

“I know Kristen.  I know.”

 

“Is there any chance left for us John?”  John’s heart felt as if it was breaking as he looked at her.  He was so tired of hurting the people he cared about.  Maybe she was right.  Maybe they should just go away.  Go away somewhere where he didn’t have to face Marlena every day. 

Facing Marlena.  How could he do it now?  After what had happened, what Kristen had said.  He didn’t know what to think, how to feel.  His only instinct was to bury himself away somewhere dark where he wouldn’t have to deal with the terrible truths and lies that ruined lives.

 

“John?”  Kristen dragged him back to reality.  He stared at her, his eyes begging her not to ask him to make that decision now.  Not to ask him to give up everything on the turn of a word.  He shook his head.

 

“I don’t know Kristen.  I’m just….”  She looked at him with pleading, but he closed his eyes and shook his head again, as if trying to shake the image of her from his mind.  He stood up and turned for the door but something made him turn back.  “I never meant for *any* of this to happen Kristen.  And if I am able to make it up to you, I will.  But that’s the best I can do for now.”  Not waiting for a reply, he left the room.  Mike watched him go with curiosity as he noted the tears that lingered on John’s face.  

 

Back in the small hospital room, Kristen let a small smile of triumph settle on her features.  So far so good.  She hadn’t expected him to fall for the story about Marlena hook, line and sinker but it appeared that she had been able to put enough doubt in his mind to confuse him.  Now she just had to trust that she knew Marlena’s strengths and weaknesses enough to do the rest of the job for her.

******

Marlena stood at the window and watched the wind blow the leaves round in eddies in the courtyard.  The sky was totally screened by a thick veneer of heavy grey clouds.  She shivered and wrapped her jacket more tightly round her, putting the oddness she felt down to the promise of snow in the air.

 

“Mom.”  Sami called to her.  “Come here will you?  You’re making me nervous.”

 

“I’m sorry sweetie.”  Marlena came over to the bed.  “I was just wondering if Carrie and Will got home safely.”

 

“They weren’t going straight home.  They were going to look at some house.  And anyway,” the way Sami raised her eyebrows suddenly reminded Marlena of Roman,  “you and I both know that *that* was not what you were thinking about.”  Marlena smiled.

 

“Since when did you suddenly get so wise Miss Brady?”

 

“Well, someone’s gotta be around here.”  Sami grinned cheekily.

 

“Hey you!  What are you trying to say?”  Marlena hit Sami’s leg playfully but managed to jar her arm in the process.

 

“Ouch!”  Sami’s cry was involuntary.

 

“Oh, honey I’m sorry.  Are you alright?”  Marlena said anxiously.

 

“Yes Mom, I’m fine.”  Sami cradled her arm tenderly. 

 

“Are you sure?  I could get Mike to come and have a look at it if you like,” Marlena pressed.

 

“Mom.”  Sami said sharply.  “I’m fine.  Stop fussing.”  Marlena’s shoulders slumped. as she eyed her resolute daughter.

 

“I’m sorry Sami.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.”

 

“It’s okay Mom.”  Sami folded her hand around Marlena’s.  “I know what a hard time you’ve had.  Most people would have cracked long ago.”

 

“Oh yeah?”  Marlena’s smile was back.  “Well, I’m not most people.”

 

“You certainly aren’t Mom.”  Sami responded to the love in her mother’s eyes with a special warmth of her own.  “Mom?”

 

“Mmmm?”

 

“I know that I might have said differently in the last few years, but I really can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have as my Mom.”

Marlena smiled, the tears blurring her vision as she heard the words of approval from her daughter that for years she had longed for.  

 

“Oh Sami.  You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that.”  Marlena gathered her daughter into a hug.  

 

“I love you Mom.”   Marlena squeezed Sami as the tears dampened her long blonde hair.

 

“I love you too baby.”

******

Q paced the floor of the penthouse for the four thousand and sixth time.  He couldn’t believe he’d had so little foresight as to not realize what might happen to Kristen when she saw John and Marlena.  Not that he cared about her.  Or the spawn for that matter.  What worried him was what John and Marlena would do to him when they discovered what he had done.

 

He had never intended to reveal so much to Kristen, but she had baited and angered him so that he had lost what control he had over his very mortal temper and had given in to the desire for revenge.  He had enjoyed it though.  A smile crept through the anxiety as he recalled the scenes of the previous evening.  Somewhere inside the still human part of him, a twinge of guilt unsettled the glee, but it was quickly quenched as he considered the next moves in the game.

******

Marlena was still holding Sami in her arms when she saw John stumble past the door to the room.  He seemed totally preoccupied and unaware of what was going on around him and Marlena felt a moment of panic as she saw the abjection in his demeanor.

 

“John?”  She called out to him, but he seemed not to hear her as he continued on.  Sami looked at Marlena with concern as she rushed to the door to catch up with John.  “John?  Honey?”  John stopped, her voice finally penetration his brain and he turned back to her. 

 

Just the sight of her took his breath away as, always.  But unlike every other time, he felt something new.  A fear, a sort of terrified dread that he’d been played for a fool in a game that he had been blind to.  She walked toward him; her hands outstretched with an expression that he couldn’t quite fathom.  It looked like fear, but he didn’t want it to be fear because that would mean that she was afraid he knew.  That would mean that Kristen is right…..

 

“John?”  Marlena stopped just short of him as she saw the confusion that played across his eyes.  “John what’s wrong?  Is Kristen alright?”  As she waited what seemed like endless seconds for his answer, Marlena became aware of the curious nurses behind the desk.  Gently she took John’s hand, but almost dropped it again when he noticeably flinched.  She didn’t however and despite the growing ache she felt in her chest she guided John into Sami’s room.

 

“John.  Sami could see the tenseness between the two.

 

“Sami.”  John’s voice was a hoarse croak as his eyes flicked to his almost-daughter but then returned to Marlena with an intensity that made Marlena take an involuntary step back.

 

“John what’s wrong?  You’re scaring me.”  Her knuckles whitened as she clenched her fist in front of her.

 

“Why Doc?”  His cry echoed through Marlena, and she felt his pain as if it were her own.

 

“Why what John?”  Her reply was timid, a hint of fear, of premonition.

 

John’s eyes suddenly cleared and he stood tall like he had found his resolve and he was going to use it.

 

“Why would you be afraid Marlena?”

 

“Because I don’t know what’s going on John.”  Marlena replied a  little edgily.  “You’re acting …”  she paused, attempting to find the right word, “…oddly…  And you won’t tell me why.”

 

John’s posture sagged as his mind began to spin again.  Everything seemed so unreal.  It was like a bad dream.  Any moment he would wake up in bed with Marlena and it would be morning and none of this would have happened.  Except that it had an all too real ‘Salem’ quality about it.

 

He took a deep breath.

 

“Did you *know* Marlena?  Did you know what he was going to do to her?  

 

John completely misread the expressions that played across his true love’s face.  Manipulation and deceit had bewitched and bewildered him for so long that he could no longer discern where the lies ended, and truth began.  John Black was a good man.  He was an honest man.  And most importantly, he was a trusting man.  And in those strengths lay his weakness.  Ironic, coming from one of the most notorious families that Europe could offer.

 

He had no ounce of malice, no natural suspicion and that had laid him wide open to Kristen and her malicious schemes.  And now she was reaping her richest reward.  John’s belief in her over Marlena.

 

“You *did* know?”  His cry was pure agony and it made Sami’s heart stutter.  “Doc!”

 

“What John? What are you talking about?  Please tell me.”  Marlena begged as she felt him slip away from her.

 

“Kristen told me.”  He spat out the words as he turned her back on her and leaned his hands against the wall.  “She told me what the two of you planned.”  Marlena was speechless and Sami took over.

 

“What are you talking about John?  For God’s sake stop talking in riddles.  Mom doesn’t have a clue what you’re on about.”

 

John spun around, his face a mask of grief, the tears falling in rivulets over his cheeks.

 

“They *planned* it, Sami.  Eugene and …..  Oh God!  He locked us in that room and then he brought Kristen.  She saw it all Sami.  *Everything*.”  He didn’t hear Marlena’s gasp or see her ashen face, too caught up in the web he wove around himself.  “And then he dumped her and left her…. for dead.”

 

“Just wait a minute, John.”  Sami said angrily.  “You think that Mom was involved in this?  That she *knew* about it?”  She looked at Marlena, but her mother didn’t see it.  A single hand gripping a chair was all that held her upright.  She was waiting for John’s answer.  Waiting as if her life depended on it.    And the look in John’s eyes as he turned to her was all the answer she needed.

 

Chapter 24 –  Endings or Beginnings?

Marlena watched John as he struggled with his conscience and his guilt, and it seemed as if in that one small moment time ceased to function.  All the emotions that she had bottled up for so long combined to author an eruption of anger that she could barely keep contained.  All that time that she had sacrificed her feelings, her *life* for his and he couldn’t even make one small leap of faith for her. 

 

“So, John.  Are you going to answer Sami’s question?”  Marlena crossed her arms in front of her.  John only looked at her, still incognizant of the fact that his silence was slowly killing her.  He knew what he wanted to say to her.  He was trying to say it, only the words wouldn’t come.  They were stuck somewhere in his throat, under the plug of confusion engendered by Kristen.  I know you weren’t involved Doc.  You would never do anything like that.  Oh God Marlena.  I love you so much.   Why the hell can’t I just tell you that?   But while he stood there shaking his head, the words remained stalled and the tension in the room mounted.

 

“John!  For God’s sake.  Say something.”  Sami implored him, terrified that this newly formed bond between her mother and John was crumbling irreparably before her eyes.

 

“Save your breath Sami.”  Marlena said coldly, her anger her soul’s only defense.  “It’s obvious he’s made up his mind.”

 

“No Doc.  That’s not it.”  John managed to blurt out stiltedly.

 

“What?  You haven’t made up your mind.  You can’t decide whether or not I’m capable of that?”  Marlena spat out the words as if they were poisonous thorns.  “You need me to hold your hand and tell you that it’s alright to believe in *me*?”  She gripped the back of the chair as her rage built to a crescendo.  “Well, I’m *not* going to do it anymore John.  I can’t protect you anymore.  I *won’t*.  If you want to continue to believe Kristen, then by all means do so.  Just don’t ask me to stand by and watch you any longer.  Because I won’t be there.”

 

“Marlena, I never said -” John, shocked by the vehemence in her voice, bumbled a belated defense.

 

“You didn’t need to John.”  Marlena returned, with the pain and anger fighting for dominance in her voice.  She shook her head.  “It was in your eyes.”

 

“You don’t understand,” John stepped towards her, “it was what Kristen told me.”

 

“So *what*, John!?  All those things you said to me last night, all those pleas of undying love.  They mean *nothing* in the cold light of day, because *Kristen* says so?!” 

 

 “You know that’s not true.”  John’s reply came in a low, shocked voice as shards of crystal-clear light began to filter their way through the cracks in his nebulous consciousness.

 

“No John.  I *don’t* know that’s not true.  I don’t seem to know anything about you anymore.  Just like you don’t seem to know anything about me.”  The hard edge to her voice increased and she felt oddly dislocated from herself as the anger took over, protecting the fragile heart that belonged to the man that was slowly tearing it apart.   “Maybe it would just be best if it stayed that way.”

 

And with that final pronouncement, she swept past John, her face unyielding and her eyes dry.

******

 

Carrie held Will tightly in her arms as she tried to shield him from the worst of the bitter wind.  She was supposed to be meeting both Austin and the realtor at this house but so far there had been no sign of either of them.  

 

She sat on the front doorstep of the house and began to hum to the baby as she rocked him on her lap.  Each blast of the icy, gnawing wind seemed to clutch at the two of them and as the minutes ticked by, the idea of going home to a nice warm apartment seemed more and more enticing.  But just as she was about to give up the vigil, Austin and the realtor, Ben Robbins arrived within a minute of each other.  Austin mumbled an apology as he enveloped his wife and child in a hug and shepherded them into the spacious house.  

 

Ben Robbins was a brisk, efficacious man and he was extremely good at his job.  Not good enough to sell this dump to Carrie and Austin Reed, however.  Every room that they entered further through the house confirmed their decision.  Peeling wallpaper and rising damp were the least of the problems.  After their quick tour of the house, they walked away wondering why they had wasted their time.

******

Sami looked at John with sad eyes as she shook her head.  He was still watching the doorway that Marlena had exited through with some degree of shock.  And he was beginning to realize just how royally he had screwed up.  

 

“She’s really done a head job on you hasn’t she.”  Sami said, her voice laced with bitterness.

 

“I’m sorry?”  John shook his head as if to clear it and turned to Sami.

 

“Kristen.  She’s unbelievable.”

 

“I’m sorry Sami.  I don’t follow.”  John felt like he was in a maze.  The impenetrable bushes were too high to see over and he knew the exit was somewhere around the corner but he just couldn’t seem to find it.

 

“No John.  Of course you don’t.”  Sami sighed with feeling.  “That’s your problem.  You don’t follow anything these days.”  She frowned at the confusion that reigned evident on his face.  “John, you can’t seriously have thought that Mom would done *anything* to harm your child.  After *everything* she did to ensure *both* babies health……you can’t have thought that she’d have suddenly decided that she didn’t care anymore?”

 

“I didn’t Sami.  Really, I didn’t.  But…,” he leaned on the end of the bed and bowed his head.  “What have I done Sami?”

******

Marlena walked through the mall; her expression dazed.  She couldn’t believe that John would even contemplate that she was capable of such a thing.  It was as if the previous night had been all but blotted out of his mind by Kristen’s twisted manipulations.  With the anger that she was feeling at that particular moment, Marlena was almost ready to let Kristen *have* John.  She’d had her feelings walked over one too many times and she wasn’t about to let it happen again.

 

The aroma of coffee caught her attention and walking into the small cafe, she ordered a double black espresso.  She sat down at the table and when the coffee was delivered, she threw it back in several scalding hot mouthfuls.  Staring at the empty cup a realization slowly dawned on her.  He’s not the man that I fell in love with.  Kristen had distorted and twisted him so much that he was merely a caricature of the lover and hero that he had once been to Marlena.  He doesn’t deserve me.  Not the pseudo-John that Kristen had created.  Not anymore.  And she had to face the fact that *her* John, the John she loved with all her heart and soul, might never come back from whatever dark recess he had been relegated to.

******

“You’ve messed up John.  Big time.”  Sami reflected on the earlier scene.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mom so mad.”

 

John’s brow scrunched into a hundred wrinkles as he tried to make sense of what had happened.  He was sure there was a fragment of the jigsaw missing and it had to be pretty damn important if he couldn’t see the picture.

 

“I just don’t understand.  Kristen said that Marlena knew.  Why would she say that Sami?  Why would she blame Marlena?  Doc has never done anything to hurt her.”  Sami rolled her eyes and despaired at John’s blindness.

 

“No John.  That’s right.  So why would Kristen *lie*?  Why don’t *you* put it together instead of me having to spell it out for you?”

 

“Maybe she wasn’t lying Sami.”  John said, desperately searching for an answer that wouldn’t impact on his integrity.  “Maybe Eugene lied to her.”

 

“Oh John!  For God’s sake, get a *grip*!”  Sami said a little too loudly in her frustration.  “It was Kristen who was lying.  Trust me on this.  She’s not the paragon of virtue that you seem to blindly think she is.”

 

“I think you’re being a little harsh there Sami.”  John said, unconvincing in his defense of Kristen.

 

“Think about it John.”  Sami urged.  “Kristen lost your baby and then tried to fool you into thinking she was still pregnant.  That’s not exactly the action of a saint.”

 

“She made a mistake Sami.  And she didn’t go through with it for long.”  John argued the point.

 

“Only because she was *caught out*!”  Sami shook her head disbelievingly.  “If she hadn’t been she’d probably *still* be marching around Salem with a pillow stuffed up her mini-skirt and knowing Kristen she’d be trying to find a baby on the black market to pass off as yours!”

 

“Sami, don’t be ridiculous!”  John said vehemently.  “Kristen would never do anything like that.”

 

“Believe me John.  If it meant holding onto you, Kristen would do anything she could get away with.  I know.  I’ve been there.”  

 

That comment came out of nowhere.  Sami had spent most of her time trying to avoid the comparisons between her and Kristen, but in three words she had revealed to herself the grim truth.  But what did they say?  The first step on the road to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.  A small smile spread across her face.  Still, I’d like to think I was never quite as despicable as her.

 

Turning her attention back to John, she noted he still wore the stunned expression that seemed to be etched permanently on his face in recent times.  Closing her eyes, she leaned back and rubbed her brow with the heel of her palm.  Taking a deep breath, she launched into her next attack.

 

“John, there are some things about Kristen that you don’t know.  And they’re not very nice things.”

 

“What do you mean Sami?”  John asked, dreading the answer.

******

Carrie and Austin burst through the door of the Brady Pub, trying to escape the bitter cold that seemed to seep through every exposed pore.  Caroline greeted them and then led them over to the fire, taking Will from Austin.  Shawn chimed in, bringing two steaming mugs of hot chocolate to the table and Carrie and Austin slowly warmed their numb fingers on the outsides of the cups.

 

“My goodness.  What have you three been doing?”  Caroline asked with concern.  “You’re frozen.”

“We went to look at a house,” Austin explained, “but then the car wouldn’t start, and we had to walk over here.”  His words were overridden by a loud sneeze from Carrie, and she looked gratefully at her grandfather as he passed her a box of tissues.

 

“Have you seen Sami this mornin’?”  Shawn asked trying to sound casual.  “Hope said that John called here earlier.”

 

“Yeah.”  Carrie replied.  “Marlena arrived at the hospital when I was with Sami.”

 

“Did she tell you where she’d been?”  Caroline asked.

 

Carrie caught herself as she remembered Marlena’s words.   Well, I’m glad that you two are happy but I don’t want any of this information going any further than this room.  She would have loved to tell the whole world that Marlena and John were back together and more than happy, but she couldn’t break her promise.  So, she shook her head.

“She didn’t really say Granma.”

 

The older Brady’s looked at Carrie and looked at each other.  They suspected that Carrie knew full well where Marlena, and John, had been.  But if she wouldn’t, or couldn’t tell them, it wasn’t their place to pry.

 

“Okay sweetheart.  Listen.  The two of you stay there and we’ll find you something to eat.”  Shawn looked at Will, curled up sleepily in his great-grandmother’s arms.  “And perhaps we can get this young man here a bed to sleep in.”

 

“Thanks Granpa.”  Carrie smiled before sneezing again.  “What would we do without you?”

******

Marlena strode into the elevator with purpose and stabbed the top button with her index finger.  The elevator rose steadily up to the penthouse, and she stepped into the plushily furnished apartment, looking around as she did.  Not finding what she was looking for, she put her hands on her hips.

 

“Eugene!”  

 

Less than half a minute later, Q’s slightly sheepish face appeared over the banister.

 

“Marlena.  You’re back.  How is your daughter?”

 

“Fine.”  Marlena’s answer came in a crisp staccato.  

 

Q waited for several minutes and then, “did you want to talk you me about something?”

 

“Actually Eugene, I wanted to thank you.”  She raised her eyebrows, mirroring Q’s surprise.

 

“Thank me?”

 

“Yes.  For showing me the truth.  That John really isn’t the man I fell in love with.  I deserve better than that and I’m going to finally get on with my life.  Without John.”  Her face told Q that she was deadly serious and it took him a few minutes to actually find his vocal chords again.

 

“Marlena, that wasn’t what I wanted at all.”  He shook his head.  “What about last night?”

 

“Ah, yes.  Last night.  That’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.  I think you have some explaining to do.”  Marlena’s eyes flashed with the anger that sustained her.

 

Q’s heart sunk into his shoes.  This wasn’t right.  This wasn’t right at all.  Instead of bringing Marlena and John together, it seemed as if he had driven them further apart.  How in the universe was he going to deal with this one?

******

Sami looked at John with sympathy in her eyes.

 

“I know you love Kristen John, but she’s not the woman you think she is.  She’s done some pretty awful things.  Mainly to hang on to you.”  

 

John listened to Sami with his heart pounding in his ears.  Something was ringing a bell in his head, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it.  But then again, if what Sami was saying was true, he had to know the truth.  Finally, and for once and for all.

 

“Done things like what Sami?”  He asked in a low voice.  

 

Sami breathed out, realizing that he was finally receptive to what she had to say.  That he wasn’t going to fight the truth any longer.  No matter how much of a fool it made him look.

 

“When I found Kristen last night John, I was coming over to show you something.  Something I found.  I really had no right to take it, but I did.  And I thought that you should see it.”  

 

“What was it lil’ punkin?”  John’s use of her old nickname filled Sami’s eyes and she quickly turned away so he couldn’t see the effect he had on her.  She turned to the bedside locker.

 

“Can you open that cupboard, John?”

 

“Sure.”  He leaned over and pulled the stiff door open.  Pulling out the satchel he gave it to Sami, missing the quick wipe of her face that she made with her fingers.

 

“Thanks.”  She opened the bag, and a quick rummage produced a book.  “Here.”  She ran her palm over the cover and then handed it to John like it was a fragile antique.  “I think you should read this.  And I think that you should sit down when you do.”

“What is it?”  John whispered, his eyes fixed to the plain cover of the book, so afraid of what he would find underneath.

 

“It’s the journal that Mom kept while Stefano kept her prisoner in Paris.”  She swallowed.  

 

“John, they’re the words that she wrote when she didn’t know if she was ever going to see any of us again.”

 

“I don’t know if I can read it Sami.  This is a private thing that Doc wrote.  It should be for her eyes only.”  John said uncertainly.

 

“I know John.  But I think that there are extenuating circumstances.  I think that you should read it.  And I think that Mom meant for you to read it.  Someday.  And today may as well be that day.”

Chapter 25 – Too Late

The radiator heater hummed as its artificial warmth began to seep through the room.  An overcoat lay discarded on the back of a chair and the mute television quietly flickered its brazen images onto the surfaces of the room.

 

The blonde watched the leaden sky with blank eyes.  The wind had picked up again, and the people far below scurried for shelter as every gust tried to thieve their belongings and their dignity.  The woman, from somewhere deep within, responded to the wind’s howl with a shiver that went beyond cold, beyond fear.

 

A small movement to her right caught her attention and a mug of sweet tea was placed carefully in her hands.  The gentle hand of a friend led her to the sofa, and she perched on the edge of the seat, as though comfort were that last thing she wanted, or needed.  The numbness was the only thing that protected her now and she wouldn’t sacrifice that.  She couldn’t.  Not if she wanted to survive.

******

John sat like a statue as he read the first page of Marlena’s journal.  The words, addressed to him, leapt off the page to swim before his eyes in a collage of accusation.  His heart seemed to pound with each word that echoed in his head.  Each word that made him feel like a condemned man.  Not a murderer of the flesh, but a murderer of the soul.

Dear John,

 

To never see you again is pain; to know that you will spend the rest of your life with Kristen is more pain than I can bear.  She has built her life with you on lies and deception.  I hope, I pray that you will see the evil in her before too long.

 

I’ve always sensed that Kristen felt threatened by me, by the history you and I share. But she was very careful to keep her feelings to herself, until she found your letter expressing your love for me.

He swallowed hard, fighting to produce some moisture in his mouth.  To fight this terrible falling he felt.  He looked up at Sami, his eyes cloudy with pain.

 

“The letter? My letter?”

 

“It explains later on.”  Sami replied gently.  

 

John’s eyes were drawn back to the page as thought the journal had a life of its own.

 

Kristen is so desperate to hold on to you she told Stefano which plane I would be on so he could kidnap me. You kept that information from everybody but Kristen and she told Stefano. That time he failed but for all I know she helped him again, and he succeeded.

 

A tear, quickly followed by another picked a path down John’s face.  How could I have been so *stupid*?  So *blind*?  How could I not realize it was *her*?  The falling feeling was replaced by a mixture of gnawing panic and pain that settled in the bottom of his gut.  All the pieces, the pieces that he had refused to see for so long were starting to fit together.  One by one they were slotting into place.  The journal was the missing piece.  The key.  

******

Q had forestalled Marlena’s demands for explanations with the offer of a hot drink.  She had tried to refuse, to let her anger be the guiding force, but when every cell in her body cried out for warmth she was forced to acquiesce.  Her grateful fingers curled around the thick, yellow mug and the heat was almost agonizing in its potency.

 

He sank into the softness of the seat opposite her and with downcast eyes he began to elucidate.

“I did it because I care about you Marlena.”  The outstretched palm of his hand stayed any interjection from her.  “No, please let me explain.  I need for you to understand.  And to do that you must hear me out.”  Sensing her tacit acceptance, he continued.  

 

“I could see that you and John loved each other.  More than that.  You needed each other to make yourselves whole again.  So, I did what I thought best.  I threw you together with no means of running away from the truth.  And it worked.”  Marlena remained silent, knowing he was right.  “And I took your children to their grandparents, because I knew that you would want that.  For them to be safe.  I hoped you would trust me enough to know that I had done that.”  A slight inclination of Marlena’s head told Q that she had trusted him that much.  But the expression on her face told him that she wasn’t sure that it extended any further.  

 

He breathed in deeply to steady his human nerves.  “So, then I decided to pay a visit to Kristen.  I know, you know, how nasty she is Marlena.  How evil.  You know she has done some terrible things.  Some things that have harmed you and yours.  But what about the things that you don’t know?”  His voice dropped and took on a tone of disgust.  “Believe me.  There are plenty.”  His explanation carried straight on, not allowing Marlena even the smallest of questions.  “So, I went to visit her.  To tell her that she may as well give up on John, because she would never win.  Not while I had any say in the matter.  But then she began to taunt me.  I could deal with that.  She’s petty, nasty and common.  A vindictive little tramp.  And she’s not exactly a rocket scientist.”  A sneer crossed his face as he remembered her pitiful attempts at slurs.  

 

“But then she began to insult you.  And accuse you of putting me up to the visit.  Of wanting to kill her baby.”  His guilt became obvious.  “I lost my cool Marlena.  I let her bait me to the point where I had to take that supercilious smirk off her face any way I could.  So, I told her.  And when she wouldn’t believe me, I showed her.  I had no idea that she might lose the brat.  Or that it would impact on you so much if she did.”  He finally looked back up at Marlena, his eyes pleading with her for even a little understanding, if not forgiveness.  “I’m so sorry Marlena.  I only wanted to help.  And it seems I’ve only ended up hurting you more.”

 

“No.”  Marlena’s voice didn’t sound like her voice.  “You only forced me to finally see the truth.  But that doesn’t mean I agree with your actions.  Or your motives.”  She impaled him with a cold stare.  

 

“No Marlena.  You’re wrong.”  Q implored her to rethink her position.  “You and John belong together.  He’s made some mistakes, but haven’t we all?”  He ignored the irony in Marlena’s glance and carried on.  “You belong together, and I just didn’t want to see anyone in your way any longer.”  

 

Marlena closed her eyes and let out a tired sigh.

 

“We all make mistakes Eugene, yes.  John told me he loved me.  But he couldn’t believe in me when it really mattered.  If you don’t have trust ‘Gene, you don’t have anything.  You certainly don’t have love.”  She looked at him with eyes that had seen the pain of a thousand lifetimes.  “It’s too late now.  Finally, it’s just too late.”

******

John continued to read, the tears flowing freely, only now realizing just what Marlena had suffered.  Not only while she was with Stefano, but what she had suffered every day, just having to watch him with Kristen. 

 

John, I’ve always loved you, I always will. I wish you could know…

 

The lines that peppered the pages cut through his soul.  They were the cries for help that he had never heard, and he was not sure that he could ever forgive himself.

 

My dearest John, if only these words could reach you; if only you could’ve heard them before it was too late; if only I could tell you, tell anyone, that I’m here in Paris…I could have hope of being freed. But no one knows the truth, no one knows.

 

John, I miss you so. If only I had told you, warned you about Kristen, this never would have happened. If only you’d known in time, you could’ve come to me.

 

Stefano is becoming more unstable every day. He has progressed from obsession to madness. He cannot understand or accept the fact that I will never return his love, that I will never willingly make love with him, that we will never live happily ever after together. I don’t think he’ll ever physically hurt me but as he sinks deeper and deeper into his fantasy, I can’t predict what could happen. I must find a way to escape; but how? It’s been impossible so far, but I can’t give up hope. I can’t bear the thought of never seeing my children, my family, my friends again . . .

Her words chilled John to the soul.  Suddenly the memories that he had been hiding, that he had tried to banish, returned with a vengeance.  I don’t *think* he’ll ever physically hurt me.  But he had seen her, that night that Stefano had made his abhorrent offer.  His pleasure for her freedom.  John had felt sick to the stomach then, but he felt even worse now.  Knowing he could have prevented it all.  If only he hadn’t been so stupid.

The worst thing was that he had never talked to Marlena about what had happened in Paris.  When Kristen had dragged him back to Salem, he had shut it out of his mind, trying to protect himself.  *Himself*.  Not *her*.  What the hell kind of a man am I?  John had never hated himself quite as much as he did at this moment.

 

Quickly and with ragged breathing, he flicked through to the page he was seeking.  The first few words seemed to confirm his worst fears. 

 

I did a terrible thing tonight, John.  Oh my love, how will you ever forgive me?  Stefano made me an offer.  He would give me my freedom in return for one night.  He wants me to be the mother of his *child*.  He is sick and perverted John but I actually *considered* it.  I almost did it.  For my children, for Belle I almost gave into that monster.  But then somehow, I heard your voice.  I felt you and I felt your strength.  And love, it gave me the strength I needed.  And I told him I would never give into him.  Not willingly.  Oh God John.  What I would give to have you by my side.  Please don’t give up on me.  Never give up on me, for I need you more than you will ever know.

******

Q moved over to Marlena and removed the cooling tea from her hands.  Then taking her hands in his, he looked into her eyes. 

 

“Marlena.  Please don’t do this.  John loves you.”

 

“Does he?”  Marlena pulled her hands out of his.  “I don’t know that.  He hasn’t shown me much proof of it.”  She stood and returned to the window that looked out over the city.  Dusk was beginning to make it’s cheerless presence felt and the city lights began to twinkle into their nightly existence.  “You know Eugene, ever since I’ve returned, it’s been one woman after another for John.  Isabella, he loved and married.  I can accept that.  But after that, after our affair, he hopped from one bed to another.  As if, if he couldn’t be with me, he’d just find someone to be with.  I don’t know if he was ever without a woman for a week.”  She turned to face Q.  “If that’s love, I don’t want any part of it.”

 

“Maybe he was frightened of hurting you again?”  Q suggested.  “After seeing the pain, he caused you with the affair, maybe he decided to stay away, whatever the cost was to him.  Maybe he didn’t want to see you in pain again?”

 

“And maybe if he wasn’t totally blind, dumb and deaf he would have seen that he’s been hurting me ever since.”  Marlena’s anger was heating up again.  “I won’t buy it Eugene.  And I won’t make excuses for him any longer.”

 

“Hear, hear.”  An unexpected voice from the doorway made them both swing round.

 

“Q!”  Q snapped angrily at Q2.  “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”  He turned to Marlena.  “I’m so sorry Marlena.  This is a *friend* of mine.  He’s Q too.”

 

“Nice to meet you Dr. Evans.”  Q2 strode into the room, briefly stopping to shake a stunned Marlena’s hand.  “Q, we have to talk.”  Q glared at the blonde man but given that his future lay in Q2’s hands, he couldn’t very well ignore him.  

 

“Excuse me, Marlena.  This shouldn’t take very long.”

 

“That’s fine.”  Marlena countered by picking up her coat.  “Our conversation is over anyway.  I’m going to go and pick up my daughter.  I trust you’ll show your *friend* the door when you are finished.  And perhaps you’ll give him a lesson in human politeness?”

 

Q watched her go with frustration.  

 

“Q, Q, Q….”  Q2 grinned with enormous satisfaction.  “Really made a hash of things haven’t you.”

“Yes, well Q, I thought you weren’t supposed to be revealing your presence to any of these people.  Least of all Marlena.”  Q was shocked as Q2 did something he never normally did.  He frowned.

 

“Well, no you’re right there.  But something has cropped up.  Something I have just been made aware of.  And it’s extremely important.”

******

Small, blurred spots marked the pages of Marlena’s journal.  It didn’t take John long to figure out that they were the markers of Marlena’s tears.  Especially when his joined them.  Every word that he read made him feel sicker and more angry at both himself and Kristen but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the writing.

 

John,

I don’t quite know how to write this.  Stefano told me today that you are dead.  He told me that you were killed in the explosion at the warehouse.  But I cannot bring myself to believe him.  If you were gone…  Oh my love, I cannot even begin to think of my life without you.  But I cannot believe him.  I refuse to.  I still feel you, here with me.  I would *know*.  If I couldn’t feel our connection anymore.  Only then would I believe that you are gone from this world.  So, I hope and I pray that you are still out there, looking for me John.  You must feel me as I feel you.  You, you and the children are the only things that are keeping me sane.  Keeping me alive.  Please John.  Don’t give up on me….

John kept on reading.  Through the humiliation she had suffered at the hands of Stefano, through the misery she endured as she longed to hold her children in her arms and through the agony that she felt as the days stretched out and hope faded.  He had failed her.  Again.

 

At last, he was coming to the end of the journal.  And yet another condemnation of Kristen’s actions.  She had seen Marlena at the ball, yet she had never told John.  His heart felt as if it were being constricted in a vice as he read her words.

 

But now Stefano won’t tell me where you are.  He has you and I don’t know if you are alive or dead.  Oh God John.  Have we come this far, just to fail when we were so close?

 

John couldn’t read any further and as if in slow motion, the book fell, still open, into his lap.  Raising his eyes to the ceiling, he let out an uncontrolled moan, a sound of profound loss and betrayal.  A sound that made Sami’s heart ache.  Raising his hands to cover his eyes, John attempted to choke back the first great gulping sob that shook his body.  Unsuccessful, he hunched over his lap, his face in his hands as the agony rocked his body in waves.

******

“Momma!”  Belle scrambled up from the floor and the book that she had been reading and flung herself at her mother.  Marlena knelt down and gathered her daughter into her arms, the first smile crossing her face since the scene with John.

 

“Hi sweetie-girl.”  She pulled back and brushed the golden hair off Belle’s face.  “How have you been?”

 

“Good Momma.  Bady an’ me, we’s been paying schools.  I’s the teacher.  Bady go sit in the cormer.”  Belle grinned wickedly.  

 

Marlena’s giggle was cut short by a soft tug on her sleeve.  Brady looked at her shyly, his expressive brown eyes full of confusion.

 

“Hi there, sweetheart.  Are you okay?”  Marlena asked gently.

 

“Where’s my dad, Mo-Marlena?”  Marlena’s icy facade melted as she took the little boy in her arms with Belle.

 

“Your dad is kind of busy at the moment Brady.”

 

“When is he going to pick me up?”  Brady’s bottom lip quivered.

 

“Oh honey, I’m not sure.”  Marlena stroked his cheek.  “I’m sure he’ll be by as soon as he can.”  Her reassurance didn’t seem to help the little boy as a tear trickled from his eye.

 

“I miss him.”  He sobbed.  “Doesn’t he love me anymore?”

 

“Oh sweetie, of course he loves you.”  Marlena hugged him close.

 

“He just *busy* Bady.”  Belle interjected.  “Don’t be a baby.”

 

“He’s not being a baby Belle honey,” Marlena admonished.  “He just wants to see his Daddy.   Just like you do.”

 

“Bady come home wid us den.”  Belle decided, taking Brady’s hand.  Marlena looked at the little boy with all the love in the world.  All he needed was a little tender love and care.  And John seemed to have little enough of that to go around at the moment.

“Of course Brady can come home with us.  If he wants to, that is.”  She smiled as Brady jerked his head up and down, his demeanor changed almost instantly.  “I’ll take that as a yes.  Well, come on then you two.  Let’s get going.  It’ll be dark soon.”

 

Marlena attempted a tired smile as she padded down the stairs after the children.  Lord knows what the family must have thought when she had walked straight through the pub and up the stairs without so much as a word.    All eyes turned to her as she entered the room.  

 

“Thanks for looking after them Caroline, Shawn.”  Caroline nodded, concern discernible all over her face.

 

“Are you alright Marlena?”  

 

“I’m sorry Caroline, it’s been a terribly long day.  Please forgive me if I’m not very chatty.”  She tried the smile again but gave up as her lips faltered.  “Say good-bye to your grandparents’ kids.”  The children made the most of their good-byes and Marlena looked at the door longingly.  She thought she was going to escape as the children came to her side.    A voice at her right waylaid her.  

 

“Marlena, what’s wrong?”  Carrie asked laying her hand on Marlena’s arm.

 

“Nothing’s wrong Carrie.  I’m just tired.”  She shrugged off Carrie’s arm and any attending sympathy.  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”  

 

Carrie watched with hurt eyes as Marlena and the children left the pub.  Austin came up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist.

 

“I’m sure she didn’t mean it Carrie.”  Carrie turned round and looked at her husband, the mixture of confusion and worry masking the pain she felt at Marlena’s brush-off.  Shaking her head, she sighed.

 

“I know.  Something *is* wrong Austin.  Something is really wrong.”

******

John felt drained beyond the limits of his capacity for emotion.  His senses felt anesthetized, as if the pain he felt had overburdened them to the point where they were unable to register any more.  Still, he was afraid to pick up the journal again, afraid that it would renew the pain and this time the tears would never end.  And yet, he was in this till the end.  Whatever that may be.

 

There was only one more entry in the journal.  And it was dated the night Eugene had arrived back in town.  The night that Kristen had announced her pregnancy.  And unlike all the other entries in the journal, it wasn’t addressed to him.  It was like she had finally given up on him.  

 

He could hardly blame her.

So much has happened since Paris.  There is no way to write down all that I have felt or am feeling.  I just want this pain to end.  

 

Why do I do it to myself?  Why do I persist in loving him so when it seems that we are never destined to be together?  Kristen told us tonight that she is pregnant again.  I can hardly believe it.  It seems too soon after her miscarriage, yet…. she was telling the truth.  I could see it in his eyes.

 

Why didn’t I tell him?   After Paris. I would have died with him in Paris.  If Stefano had let me.  Oh Lord, I *love* him that much.  But I let Kristen walk away with him again.  And now she has another baby.  Another threat to hang over my head.  If I told John now, another innocent child could die.  His child.  So, I can’t.   I have to give him up.  Because I am tired of fighting, and he made his choice. 

 

Oh Lord, please give me strength.  Because I don’t know if I can walk away when he is all that I know.  Oh, why can’t I stop loving him……..?

Sami watched John as he closed the journal and placed it carefully on her bed.  The grief welled up in him once again and the contents of that one, insignificant looking book threatened to overwhelm him.  He fought hard to maintain his composure, his tear-streaked face showing the strain.  But finally, he won the battle, returning Sami’s stare, hard and deliberate.  

 

Without a sound, he stood.  Understanding him, Sami nodded and watched his tensely muscled back as he left the room.  Leaning over, she retrieved the journal and hugged it close to her chest, finally allowing herself the luxury of her own tears.

******

Q appeared in the main foyer of the hospital and tried to orient himself.  He had to catch John Black before it was too late.  But he had to find him first.  He arrived at Sami’s room, pausing only long enough to utter a breathless “John?”  Sami pointed in the direction of Kristen’s room and Q was gone.  He overtook John three rooms before Kristen’s.

 

“Stop John. You have to stop,” he pleaded.  John ignored him and kept on walking.  Q desperately leaped in front of him and put his hands out, forcing John to stop.  “John, *listen* to me.  You can’t go in there……”

 

Chapter 26 –  Tale As Old As Time

“Look, I know I’m not your favourite person right now.  Or anyone’s for that matter.”  Q stood in front of an expressionless John.  “Look John, just hear me out.  Please.  For Marlena’s sake.”  His invocation of Marlena’s name finally elicited a reply from John.

 

“Leave Marlena out of this,” he growled menacingly.  “Say what you have to say and then go.”

 

“Alright.  You can’t go in there and confront Kristen.  More than likely she would lose the baby and then after you had calmed down, you would blame yourself.  And more than that, Marlena would blame *herself*.  The whole reason she never told you about Kristen was that she wanted to protect the baby.  Your baby.”  Q tried to reason with John, hoping that the idea of hurting Marlena again would be too much for him to bear.

 

“But everything that she *did*…”  John was beginning to falter, but he couldn’t let go of his anger so easily.

 

“I know John.  It was horrific.  But you have to think of Marlena now.”  He laid a halting hand on John’s arm and began to relax when John didn’t shake it off.  “Leave it for a day or two.  When you are a bit calmer you will be able to see a little more clearly.  And if you still want to confront Kristen then, when you are totally aware of *all* the consequences, I won’t try to stop you.”  A little pressure from his hand guided John to the seats that lined the wall of the corridor.

 

“You knew all this didn’t you?”  John asked Q through the tears that once again drenched his face.  Q nodded somberly.  

 

“Unfortunately, I let my anger at Kristen get the better of me.  And I may yet live to regret the consequences of my actions.  I wouldn’t want to see you make the same mistake.”  He frowned.  “She’s a nasty piece of work John and she’s manipulated the people of this town for far too long.  Don’t give her another weapon to add to her armory.”  John’s nod was slow and miserable.  “Good.  Now I’m sure you have *other* matters to take care of.”  He looked at John, his eyes full of significant messages that John wasn’t sure he was ready to comprehend.  

 

Finally, John acquiesced with a nod and stood up, looking as if he bore the weight of the world on his slumped shoulders.  With one final pained look towards Kristen’s door, he turned and shuffled down the hallway.  Q watched him go with interest.  He looked shattered.  A broken man.  And Q wasn’t sure he didn’t deserve it.  

 

Slowly he turned his attention to Kristen’s room.  Kristen had to have a back-up plan.  She wasn’t just going to let John go.  Although she might find it a little difficult to hang onto John now he knew the truth.  Still, she was a DiMera, by learning if not by breeding.  And if there was one thing you never did, it was underestimate a DiMera.

******

Belle shed her coat on the living room floor and immediately picked up her favorite video tape.

“Momma, you watch Booty an’ Beast wif me an’ Bady?”  Her impish grin gave away the fact that she thought she was putting one over on Marlena.

 

“No Belle honey.  And I’m afraid you and Brady won’t be watching it either.  At least not until you’ve washed up and eaten your dinner.”  Marlena replied with the hint of a smile.

 

“Aw Mommy!”  Belle complained.  

 

“Belle.  Don’t argue with me please.  The two of you go upstairs and get ready for dinner.”  Belle flinched at Marlena’s tone and headed for the staircase to escape any further castigation.  Marlena, angry at herself for her shortness, cut the children off at the bottom step.  “I’m sorry sweetie.  Momma’s just had a bad day.”  She kissed Belle on the top of her little blonde head and wrapped her arms around both the children.  “You two get ready for dinner and then after we’ve eaten, we can all watch Beauty and the Beast together.  How’s that?”  Belle nodded with a grin.  

“Daddy come watch too?”

 

Marlena’s face became somber again as she pondered how much to tell the children at this point.  That Mommy and Daddy had had a god-almighty row?  That Mommy didn’t want to see Daddy right now much less speak to him?  That Mommy didn’t know how she was going to survive having to see him whenever he came over to see his children?  Or maybe that Mommy didn’t know if she would ever be able to forgive Daddy for what he’d done to her and their children.  She didn’t tell them any of these things.  Instead, she just kissed them both again.

 

“Daddy won’t be coming over tonight Belle baby.  He’s kind of busy with something else at the moment.” 

 

“Kristen?”  Brady asked quietly.

 

“Yeah honey, Kristen isn’t very well.  Your Daddy was with her today.”

 

“Why does he have to spend all his time with her?”  Brady asked, a pout forming on his childish features.  Marlena looked at him with love.  The children were obviously confused, and it was up to her to calm their fears.  Even if she couldn’t calm her own.  Pulling the children to her they sat in a group on the step.

 

“Your Daddy is engaged to Kristen, Brady.  They are going to have a baby brother or sister for you. “

 

“I don’t wan’ another brother or sister.”  Brady announced with certainty.  “I’ve got Belle.  I don’t need any more.”  

 

Marlena smiled indulgently.  “I know you might feel like that now sweetheart, but you’ll grow to love him or her, just like you’ve grown to love Belle.”

 

“I won’t.”  Brady’s warning was more in his eyes than his voice.  “But why does Dad have to be with *her*?  I don’t like her.”  Marlena didn’t know what to say in reply to this one.  Mouthing mindless platitudes wasn’t going to help any of them.  Why was that little children were often so much more perceptive than adults?

 

“I don’t know Brady.”  She shook her head with sad eyes and then, pasting a smile on her face, ruffled his hair.

“Daddy’s siwy.”  Belle shook her head in a solemn approximation of her mother.  “Daddy awready *has* a famiwy Mommy. Why does he wan’ anuder one?  Dat’s gweedy!”  Marlena couldn’t help but laugh through the pain this discussion was causing her.

 

“I don’t know sweetie-girl.  I guess your Daddy feels like this is the right thing to do.”

 

“But why?”  Belle demanded vociferously.

 

“Belle, sometimes even a mommy doesn’t have *all* the answers.  I don’t know why your Daddy does some of the things he does.  And even if I did there would be nothing, I could do to change them.”  Not anymore.  

 

Taking a small hand in each of hers, she stood up, gently pulling the children up with her.

“Now you two, go get ready for dinner.”

 

Belle reached the top of the stairs before she turned around and regarded her mother with a very adult expression.

 

“Do you fink Daddy fowgot he awready has a famiwy?”  Marlena’s heart hurt as she looked at her children.  The children that had put all their faith in their father and seemed to be getting very little in return.

 

“No Belle.  Your Daddy didn’t forget.  He still loves you very much.”  Belle seemed satisfied with that answer and taking Brady’s hand in hers, pulled him towards the bathroom.

 

Marlena, however, wasn’t so satisfied.  Rubbing her face with her hands, she attempted to compose herself.  She wasn’t going to be able to put together a half decent meal in this state.  It was hard enough at the best of times.

 

She walked into the kitchen and turned on the jug.  A cup of tea was what she needed right now.  A brandy would be better, but she wasn’t sure if there was any in the apartment.  She froze as a piece of paper caught her eye.  It was a note from John.  He had written it earlier in the day, before they had heard about Sami and Kristen, and he had left it there for her to find.  It read simply, 

 

Doc,

 

I love you.  

You are my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night.

I want to wake up next to your beautiful face always.

 

Love

John

 

Marlena held the note in her hands.  Rooted to the spot, she could do nothing but stare at the words which seemed to mock her.  It had been so perfect.  Too perfect.

 

Her anger returned with a vengeance, and she screwed the note up into a tiny wad.  She threw it into the waste disposal and then turned the machine on, watching until it disappeared from view.  Then trying to put it and him out of her mind, she turned her attention to dinner.

******

Q stole silently and invisibly into Kristen’s room.  She looked small and insignificant lying in that starchy white bed, but then appearances were usually deceptive in Salem. Q sneered as he looked at her.  He hated her but he had been forced into playing her protector.  Q’s foul mood lifted as he considered the irony. If only she knew what a pivotal part, she herself played in the story that was unfolding around them, maybe she wouldn’t look so damned smug.

 

He stood in the corner, to all intents and purposes, invisible to the outside world.  His hunch soon proved to be correct as Peter entered the room.

 

“Peter.”  Kristen played the ailing invalid to perfection.  She lifted her hand just high enough so that Peter could catch it in his as he sat down.  “Any news?”

 

“Not yet.”  Peter stroked her hand in a way that made Q feel quite ill.  The DiMera’s seemed to get more incestuous as the generations progressed.  If that was at all possible.  “But I do have an interesting tidbit.  I passed your dear *friend*,” the word dripped with sarcasm, “Dr. Evans down at Salem Place a couple of hours ago.  And she didn’t look at all happy.”  Kristen grinned happily.

 

“Fancy that.”

 

“Mmmm. Fancy that.”  Peter tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.  “As usual Kris, you have gained the upper hand.”

 

“You’ll have to move fast if I’m going to keep it though,” Kristen warned.

 

“Relax Krissy.  I have it all under control.  Just a couple more things to arrange and then John will find the proof of Marlena’s involvement in your *accident*.”

 

Q narrowed his eyes, wondering what Peter intended to plant.  Not that it really mattered.  After the journal anything implicating Marlena would ring so many alarm bells for John that he would barely be able to hear himself speak.  Or so one would hope.

 

“Thanks Peter.”  Kristen cooed.  “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

 

“I think I have a fair idea.”  Peter smiled his most smarmy smile.  “I just hope you get what you want Sis’.”

 

“Oh, I will.”  Kristen’s eyes lost their focus somewhere between Peter and the wall.  “I’ll get John back.  And I’ll get my revenge on Marlena, the backstabbing bitch.”  Her face distorted into a mask of hated.  “That cow has tried to ruin my life one too many times Peter.  And she’s going to pay for it.”  With hers if necessary.   Her expression slipped back into its normal soulless smile.  “Thank you for all your help.”

 

“You know I’d do anything for my sister.”  Peter squeezed her hand and stood up.  “Now you get some rest.  Look after that child of yours and I’ll take care of everything else.”

 

“Okay.”  Kristen closed her eyes as Peter left the room.  She didn’t feel the cold draft that followed him out.

******

John woke Sami as he tried gently to pry the journal from her arms.  He saw the remains of the tears on her face, but decided, wisely not to mention them.

 

“Hey Sami.  Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

 

“How did it go?”  Sami asked groggily, holding tightly onto the book as if her life depended on it.

 

“I didn’t go in.” John admitted.

 

“Why?”

 

“Someone pointed out to me that after everything that Marlena has been through for the sake of Kristen’s child, I should honor that and not put it at risk while I’m not thinking straight.” 

 

“Sounds like a good enough explanation.”  Sami nodded, though she sounded unconvinced.  After everything that Kristen had done, she didn’t deserve that courtesy.  Still, hers was not to reason why.  She put it out of her mind and changed the subject.

 

“So why were you trying to take Mom’s journal?”  John looked at her with surprise, having expected her to make more of the Kristen issue he was unprepared for this line of attack.

 

“I need to go and talk to your mom about it.  About what’s in there.  We need to talk about a lot of things Sami.”  Sami sat bolt upright.

 

“Do you think that’s a very good idea John?”  She shook her head with worry.  “Because I have to tell you that I don’t.  Mom is angry enough and hurt enough as it is.”

 

“That’s why I need to see her Sami.  I need to let her know that what she said wasn’t true.  I did believe her.  I just didn’t want to see the truth about Kristen.  For many reasons.”  He saw her enquiring, ironic expression.  “Mostly because it makes me look completely stupid and blind,” he admitted, more to himself than to her.

 

“I’m glad *you* said it.”  Sami said with a grin.  

 

Although he felt as if he never wanted to smile again, John somehow made the effort to return Sami’s, although it was somewhat sheepish.  If he lived to be a hundred he’d never figure out how he had managed to be blind to Kristen’s manipulations for so long.  Or, worse, blind to Marlena’s love.  

 

“But I still don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go see Mom.”

 

“Well Sami, you can think that.  You may be right.  But my heart tells me I gotta go see her.  For better or for worse.”  Sami frowned.

 

“Do you honestly think it’s the right thing for *her* John, or are you just trying to assuage your guilt?”

 

John ran his fingers over his aching temples.

 

“I don’t know Sami,” he answered honestly.  “I just know I have to see her.”

 

After a moment’s contemplation, Sami uncurled her arms from around the book and handed it gingerly to John.

 

“It’s your funeral John.  Just don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said, her face grim.  John nodded as he accepted the precious cargo from his daughter.

 

“Thanks Sami.  I appreciate it.”

 

“You’d better.  I’ve put my relationship with Mom on the line showing you that book.”  Sami swallowed hard.  “I just don’t want to regret doing it John.”

 

“You won’t Sami.”  He kissed her forehead.  “I promise you won’t.”

******

Marlena had settled into the folds of the couch with an arm around each child.  The promised video was playing and they were wrapped up in blankets, a complement to the heater that generated silent warmth from the corner.  She had suspected it wouldn’t be far into tape before the children succumbed to the weariness that had enveloped them along with the warmth.  And she had been right.  But after they had fallen asleep, they had looked so precious and so angelic that she hadn’t had the heart to disturb them.  Instead, she had watched the film, her daughter’s namesake and the ‘beast’.  And when it came to the part where the rose dropped its final petals, Marlena’s heart had felt like it was breaking right along with it.  It was strange how sometimes the simplest of films could invoke the strongest of emotions.  Given the right, or wrong, circumstances.

 

Hearing a noise behind her, she turned her head gently, careful not to disturb the children.  It was, as she expected, Q.  

 

“Hi,” he mouthed silently, moving towards her.

 

“Hi,” she whispered in return.  “Where did you get to?”

 

“I had a couple of errands to run.”  Q brushed her question off as he knelt in front of the couch.  “Do you think perhaps we should put these children to bed?”

 

“Mmm.  I guess so.”  Marlena was reluctant to let go of the warmth and comfort of the children.  Reluctant to be left alone to her own thoughts and loneliness.  And most of all, reluctant to go to her room.  The room that she and John had shared the night before.  A night of which every moment was etched agonizingly clearly into her memory.  There would be no escape and she knew she would not sleep tonight.  

 

“I can send them up for you.”  Q suggested.

 

“No thanks ‘Gene,” Marlena declined his offer, “I’d rather do it myself. But if you could carry Brady up for me?”  He nodded and wordlessly they rose and carried the children quietly up the steps.

Before long, Brady and Belle were safely ensconced in their own, warm beds, oblivious to the world around them.  Marlena had kissed each of them in turn and then made her way back downstairs.

 

“How are you holding up?”  Q asked in little more than a whisper, afraid of uncovering recent wounds but needing to know how she was coping.

 

“I’m fine.”  Marlena answered assuredly.  Q raised his eyebrows and looked at the wad of tissues balled up on the couch.

 

“Mmm-hmm.”

 

“It was a sad movie.”  Marlena told him with the hint of a smile.

 

“Yeah.  That would have been it.”  Q nodded his head in agreement.  “I’m sure you always cry over cartoons.”

 

“I do!”  Marlena’s tears began to escape again, and Q sat on the seat next to her.  

 

To his surprise, she buried her face in his chest.  Carefully and slowly, he wrapped his arms around her and as he felt her relax, he did the same.

 

“I’m sorry Marlena,” he whispered into her thick, fragrant hair.  Pulling back, she surprised him even more.

 

“I’m so glad you’re back Eugene.  What did I ever do without you?”  

 

Q was silent, lost for words, a very rare occurrence.  He shook his head as he pulled her close again.

“Well, I’m here now.”

 

The moment was spoilt by a knock on the door.  Both Q and Marlena froze, knowing who was likely to be on the other side.

 

“Do you want me to get rid of whoever it is?”  Q asked her pointedly.

 

“No, it’s okay.”  Marlena nodded as she wiped her face.  “I’ll do it.”  She bit her lip as she looked at him.  “Eugene, would you mind if I did this alone?”

 

“Of course not.”  Q’s smile was almost as watery as Marlena’s.  “I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

Marlena nodded but it was needless as he disappeared immediately.

 

Looking around the room, Marlena took a moment to compose herself.  The pile of tissues grew and then she smoothed out her crumpled clothes, in an attempt to look somewhat self-possessed.  She walked to the door and took a deep breath.  It took all of her courage to open it.  And when she did, her knees almost gave way.

 

 It was John.  She was prepared for that.  But she wasn’t prepared for what he had with him.  Her journal.

 

My journal!  Why the hell has he got my journal?

“Doc,” John stepped inside the door, beating Marlena’s reflexes.  “We need to talk.”

Chapter 27 – Two Truths Don’t Make a Lie

The silence that filled the air in the living room of the penthouse was awkward and oppressive.  The lights were either dimmed or out completely and it added to the atmosphere.  John regarded Marlena with a false bravado.  He had sounded confident, like he knew what he was going to say.  In reality he had no idea where to even start.  Marlena crossed her arms in front of her and glared him.  

“I have nothing to say to you.”  

 

John held the book out in front of him like a peace offering.

 

“Don’t you want to talk about this Marlena?”

 

“Not particularly.”  Marlena snatched the journal from his hands and hugged it to her like it afforded some form of protection.  

 

“Don’t you even want to know how I came by it?”  John needled cautiously.

 

“Not particularly,” Marlena repeated.  “I just want you to leave.”

 

“I’m not going to Marlena.”  John said softly, stepping toward her.  “Not till we’ve resolved this.”

******

Q sat alone in his room and listened to the voices as they drifted up lazily from downstairs.  Given the freedom, he would have listened, but Marlena had asked him for privacy and that was what she was going to get.  

 

Not that he liked it.  Just like he didn’t like the way he was feeling lately.  Even though he knew his only hope of getting back into the Continuum was to get Marlena and John back together, he was finding that he was less and less inclined to want to do it.  He cared so much about Marlena and all John seemed to do these days was cause her tears.  And Eugene hated to see her cry.

******

Marlena laughed at the irony of it.

 

“Nice try John.  It’s just a pity that you’re about three years too late.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“It means that you’ve blown it John.  There’s nothing *to* resolve anymore.”  Marlena turned her back on him and walked into the living room.  Her heart sank as she heard him follow.  She had hoped he would just go, but really, she had known that he wouldn’t make it that easy for her.  He never did.

 

“But what about last night?” John pressed.

 

“What *about* last night?” she retorted angrily, turning to look out of the window, not trusting herself to look at his face.

 

“You felt it.  I know you did.  Marlena, what we have is special, you can’t just throw it away.”  He put his hand on her shoulder but stepped back in surprise as she violently shrugged it off.  She turned round and looked him squarely in the eye, then in a gesture of defiance, she threw her journal on the coffee table with all the force she could find.

 

“What we *had* John.  Last night was a lie.  You’ve been prepared to walk away from what we had for years now.  What was I supposed to do?  Wait around forever?” she asked bitterly.

 

“That’s not how it was at all Marlena,” John’s reply held a hint of anger.  “I was trying to protect *you*.  You have suffered so much pain, I didn’t want to be the source of anymore.  I love you too much for that.”

 

“That is the most *pathetic* thing I’ve heard.”  Marlena said vehemently.  “Maybe if you hadn’t been so wrapped up in *Kristen* for the past three years you might have seen that every time you talked to me you hurt me.”

 

John’s posture sagged at this unexpected blow and his resolve seemed to crumple a little.  he didn’t know if what Marlena was saying was true, or if she was just saying it to try to hurt him.  Either way he had to get past this anger that she wielded like a weapon.  He looked at the journal that lay on the table and he picked it up.

 

“I read it, you know.”

 

“How nice for you.”  Marlena replied with sarcasm.  “Funny, I always thought people’s journals were private.”

 

“I’m sorry, Marlena.” He paused, wondering what to say next.  He didn’t want to give away the fact that it was Sami that had given him the journal.  “The…the person that gave me this thought that I should read it.  And most of what you have written *is* addressed to me Doc.”

 

“That doesn’t give you the *right* to read it John.”  Marlena’s anger was simmering, somewhere just below boiling point.  “If I had wanted you to read it, *I* would have given it to you.  And you can tell Sami that too.”  

 

It hadn’t taken many connections for Marlena to realize that it was her daughter who had given the offending article to John.  She wasn’t angry at Sami, she understood that the young woman was just trying to do what she considered the right thing to be.  Marlena also appreciated how hard it must have been for Sami to do just that.  But that didn’t change her feelings toward John, or how she felt about him reading her innermost thoughts.  Two months ago, she would have given almost anything for him to read it.  Even two weeks ago.  But now she just felt as if her privacy and her soul had been invaded and it made her nauseous.

 

“I *am* sorry Doc.  Maybe I shouldn’t have read it.”  John saw the pain in her eyes and once again felt the guilt of causing it. 

 

“No.  Maybe you shouldn’t have,” Marlena snapped.

 

“But I did read it and we need to deal with what’s happening here, now.”  His voice was tentative, but he believed what he was saying and hoped she would too.  He leaned over and dropped the book back on the table.  “The things that you wrote in there…..Doc, I don’t understand why you didn’t come and tell me all these things.  Why you let me believe that Kristen was good and kind.  And that you didn’t love me anymore.  Why didn’t you tell me Marlena?”

 

Marlena shook her head in disbelief and clenched her teeth as she tried to control her anger.  John watched the tiny twitch of the muscle in her cheek and knew she was angry.  He fought the instinctive urge to turn and walk away, to let her cool off before he confronted her again, but he rode through it.  He had to know her answers.  It was several moments before Marlena could trust herself to give him those answers.

 

“Why didn’t I tell you?  Well, how about the fact that I had no idea how you felt until that damn letter and I wasn’t about to give you the satisfaction of riding roughshod over my heart again.  And how about when I found your letter in Kristen’s book, she blackmailed me into not telling you by using the life of your unborn child,” she shot, her eyes flashing.  John opened his mouth to speak.  “Shut up John.  For once in your life, you can listen to what *I* have to say.  If you’re going to demand answers, you could at least have the grace to listen to them!”  She was in full swing and all the pent-up anger she felt towards John and his behavior was finally spilling forth.  She wasn’t about to hold back now. 

 

“Yes I *love* you John.  It seems as if I always have and to be quite honest, I don’t see that I’ll stop any time soon.  But there is a thing called self-respect.  And I intend to keep mine intact, even if you are content to sacrifice yours.  I have sat around this Penthouse for four long years and waited for you to come to your senses.  I tried to tell you so many times how I felt, but you always seemed to brush it off, to tell me what a good *friend* I was when all I wanted was for you to take me in your arms and never let me go.”  John opened his mouth to speak again but stopped in his tracks when he saw the fury in Marlena’s eyes.  He was just going to have to stand here and listen if he ever wanted her to talk to him again.

 

“And I *did* tell you.”  She stormed past him, desperately looking for something to occupy her shaking hands.  She found the table and leaned on it, trying to gain strength from its solidness.  “I was willing to die with you in Paris.  I *told* you I *loved* you.  I put my damn head in that guillotine with yours.   So don’t you *dare* try to tell me *I* never shared my feelings.  I did the best I could.  *I* brought up our daughter.  *I* spent four years in an empty *lonely* bed and *I* stood by you when *no-one* else would.”

 

The darkness was comforting, and she turned around, still gripping the table.  She found him behind her, his eyes full of a pain that she didn’t want to see.  “And what did I get in return John?  I’ll tell you what, I got *nothing*.  I got four years of being a doormat, being there for you when something went wrong, only to have you run into some other woman’s arms when she snapped her fingers.  I got years of you telling me what a good kind woman Kristen was even after she’d been ready to convict and sentence you for Tony’s death. And I got years of heartache, seeing you with Kristen, when you just kept me dangling.  ‘Good ol’ Marlena, she’ll be there to pick up the pieces when things go wrong won’t she?’”  Marlena took a deep breath and fired her last salvo.  

 

“Well John, if you can’t make up your mind, that’s tough.  Because I can’t make it up for you.  And you just ran out of time.  Whatever you read in that diary, it doesn’t mean anything anymore.  You may as well have taken the white-out and blanked out every single word.  Because that’s how I felt when you left Paris with her and then…..” she faded out, unable to even conjure up the words that would put John and Kristen in the same bed.  “You know what John?  Maybe you were right to go back to Kristen.  I mean, isn’t guilt the only reason you’ve done *anything* for the last five years?”

 

“That’s not fair Doc.”  John’s voice was a whisper.  He felt as if he were being swept away in a tidal wave of pain and despair.  If he’d hated himself when he read the journal at the hospital, it was nothing compared to how he felt now.  Knowing he had caused Marlena all that pain was unbearable, and he just wanted to curl up into a little ball and die.  But that wouldn’t solve anything.  That wouldn’t put all the wrongs right.  His heart was suffused with pangs of torment and his eyes began to shed the tears that he had denied since he had left Sami’s room.

 

“That’s not fair?  You have no *idea* of what’s unfair.”  Marlena was struggling to keep her tears at bay.  She refused to let him see her cry.  She wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.  “What’s unfair is all the time and life and love I have sacrificed for you.  What’s unfair is that your children are upstairs and they’re not sure that you even care about them anymore.  What’s unfair is that I have to stand here and *explain* all this to you.”

******

Q sat against the wall in the bedroom, his legs pulled up under his chin.  He could still hear the voices.  Or rather he could still hear Marlena’s voice.  And it tore at him to hear her in so much pain.  But somewhere deep inside, a seed of satisfaction began to unfurl.

******

Belle hugged her bunny rabbit a little tighter as a tear trickled off her cheek and into the softness of the surrounding blanket.  She had woken to find herself alone in the dark room with her Momma’s voice rising up the stairs and through the crack in the door where the light shone softly.  Belle knew her Mommy was angry and when she heard her Mommy speak her Daddy’s name, she knew who she was angry at.  It frightened the little girl more than anything ever had.  In her dreams, she, her Momma, her Daddy, and Brady were a happy family and she clung to those dreams in an increasingly confusing and frightening world.  But now it seemed as if there would be no refuge.  If her Mommy was fighting with her Daddy, who would be there to hug her when her dreams became nightmares?

******

Marlena still couldn’t stop herself.  She knew she was hurting John terribly, but she had to say it all now.  She’d never get a second chance.  She wasn’t saying it for effect.  She was finally telling him how she really felt.  What she’d been denying, even to herself all these years.  And while he still had a hint of fight, of disagreement in his eyes, she would continue until she was done.

“Marlena, I know you’re hurting right now, but don’t you think you’re being hasty?”  John begged.  “Please.  You have to give me a chance to explain my side to you.”  He was crying freely now, the tears flowing down his face, dripping off his jawline and making dark patches on his shirt.  

“I don’t *have* to do anything John.  And I understand you so little these days that your explanation wouldn’t make any sense to me anyway.”   She pressed her lips together until they were white, battling to keep her composure as John continued to sob.  “You have *hurt* me so much.  And I don’t think I can ever forgive you.  I don’t know what Kristen has done to you, but you’re not the man I fell in love with.” She shook her head and turned away, finally succumbing to the distress she felt deep inside.  This was probably the hardest thing she had ever had to do.  “Can you please just *go* John?”

 

She felt him come up behind her and in one quick movement he had grasped her arm and turned her around.

“Just tell me you don’t love me Doc.  Look me in the eyes and tell me that and I’ll go.  I’ll never bother you again.”  His tearstained face sent arcs of pain shooting through her chest.  She couldn’t tell him that she didn’t love him.  Because she did and that was why this hurt so much.  Because she was giving up a dream she had lived for ten years.  And because it would be so easy to give in to him.

 

“You know I love you.”  Her voice was low and husky but had such conviction that it took John’s breath away.  “But love isn’t enough anymore John.  There’s too much water under that bridge.”  She shook her head again, her eyes huge and glistening.  “I have to build myself a new life.  And I’m sorry, but you’re not going to be in it.”

 

She looked up at the landing.  “Brady is here with us.  He can stay until you have sorted yourself out.  He needs continuity John, and I think that I am more capable of that than you are at the moment.”  John looked at her mutely.  So many words swum around his brain that he could barely think out a coherent sentence let alone try to string one together vocally.  Marlena continued as she walked away from him towards the door.  “When you have decided what you are going to do, when you are settled, call me and we can arrange for Brady to come back to you.”  The light in front of the door hurt her eyes and she turned it down with the dimmer.

 

“What about…..can I still see them?”  John couldn’t fight her anymore, he was too tired and too heartsick.  And he couldn’t argue with her because he knew, deep in his soul that she was right.  He had treated her appallingly and now he was going to pay for it.

 

“You can still see them, but I think it would be better if I wasn’t around when you do.”  Marlena asserted.  “For all of us.”  She looked at him, her face a mask of indifference and opened the door.  “I’ll make the arrangements.”  John nodded and stepped halfway through the door.  Suddenly he turned back round.

 

“I *do* love you, Marlena Evans.  And last night wasn’t a lie.  It was the most wonderful night of my life.”

 

“Cherish it then.”  Marlena whispered.  “I couldn’t take that from you even if I wanted to.”

 

“And you wouldn’t want to?”  John asked softly.  Marlena shook her head and a lone tear escaped.

 

“No, because I know how much it hurts.”  She looked at him, surprising even herself with the reserves of strength she found.   “But it doesn’t change anything John.  It’s still over and I’m still asking you to leave.”    She began to shut the door behind him. 

 

Finding he had nothing left to say,  John stepped out into the lobby.  Farewells didn’t come.  How could he say good-bye to the best thing that had ever happened to him?  He heard the door click shut and his body made it as far as the elevator before it seemed to loose all substance.  Crumpling to the ground in a heap his emotions overtook him, and time seemed to stop as his body emptied itself of its sorrow, a sorrow that would replenish itself with every step that he took from now on.  

 

Inside, Marlena walked slowly to the couch and picked up the mohair blanket that lay discarded on the seat.  Wrapping it around herself, she moved to the window and opened it.  Despite the bitter cold, she walked out onto the balcony.  She looked up and saw the stars, uncovered from their misty enshroudment.   They seemed to beckon her, to entice her with their mesmerizing brilliance.  Yet the frigid air attacked her lungs, grounding her, bringing her unwillingly back to the here and now.   She breathed deep mouthfuls of it, relishing the biting reality that clung to it.  It was a perfect winter’s night on a night that felt as far away from perfect as you could get

 

The first sob took her by surprise.  She had survived the confrontation with John.  She had been as strong as she had to be but, as always, there was a price that had to be paid.  It was part of the deal.  Clinging to the bars of the balcony as though it supported her life, she descended to her knees.  She pressed her face to the freezing strips of metal and pulled the blanket closer round herself as the day took its supreme toll. The sobs shook her, causing her frozen hands to tear on the sharp edges of the ironwork.  Her body produced yet more tears, a seemingly never-ending march over her elegantly pale features.  A pain that felt like it was going to split her in two permeated her being and through the numbness of her anguish, Marlena wondered if she was going to survive this lonely and utterly interminable night.

 

Chapter 28 – A Chance, Once Lost….

Seeds of uprooted chance

Are grains of goodbye

Waving boughs so slowly dance

Questioning why

 

Fate must have a reason

Why else endure the season

Of hollow soul

The ground on which we leave on

How strangely fuels the season

Of hollow soul

 

k.d. lang, Season of Hollow Soul

Q found Marlena there on the balcony, her body shaking uncontrollably.   Her glassy eyes stared blankly at the empty street below and she seemed unaware of her surroundings, like her emotions were somehow detached from her senses.  Still, slow tears trickled their way down her cheeks to collect in freezing puddles on the deck below her.

 

He knelt down beside her and tried to capture her attention, but it proved useless.  She seemed to have retreated inside herself, unable to see or feel anything.  Gently he pried her numb and bleeding hands from the frozen bars and pulled her to him, his concern growing.  With a small moan, she settled against him, and he enfolded her icy limbs in his.  

 

It was several minutes before he became aware of the uncomfortable feeling of deadness that was emanating from one of his feet.  Awkwardly, but as gently as he could, Q scooped Marlena up in his arms and carried her inside to the living room.  He felt her bury her face in his neck as they entered the slightly warmer room, the images of the recent past too painful for her to deal with.

 

Not quite sure what to do next, Q set Marlena on the soft couch.  His attempt at leaving her resulted in an anguished groan that grasped at his already raw emotions so that he had no choice but to stay with her.   He sat next to her on the couch, and she nestled against him, as if willing him to block out all the recent events.  He sighed a heart-sore sigh.  If only he could do that for her, he would.  He would do anything to save her from this pain.  But he couldn’t.  It wouldn’t *help* anyone, least of all her.  

 

 Quietly he closed the door with his Q powers and he produced another two blankets, wrapping one around Marlena and spreading the second one over the two of them.  Looking down at her golden hair, her face buried somewhere in the warmth of his woolen jersey he sighed again.  His face twisted into a grimace as he thought of Kristen in that lifeless hospital room.  He was so tempted to end it then and there.  Snuff out her miserable existence like the nasty little parasite that she was.  Nothing would give him more pleasure.  Well, almost nothing.  But he couldn’t do that now.  Not now.  Instead, he wrapped his strong arms around his best friend in the entire universe, leaned back and closed his eyes.

******

The kink in John’s neck woke him and he massaged it absently as he tried to orient himself.   The grey sky of dawn told him that the night had passed, and he wondered dazedly why he was in the back of his jeep.

 

Suddenly the memories hit him like an avalanche of emotion.  The pain, anger and shame whirled into a huge missile that impacted with the full force of the bitter morning air that seeped into the vehicle.  

 

He didn’t know how he had made it to the car.  The click of the door after Marlena had bid him her final good-bye was imprinted indelibly in his memory, but everything afterwards dissolved into a mush that seemed to have no beginning and no ending.  He could only assume that he had made it down to the car at some stage and that he had been unable or unwilling to go back either to the DiMera Mansion or to the loft.  Both places held too many memories, too much pain.

 

Too much pain.

 

More pain than one person should have to bear alone.  But never again was he going to be able to share it with anyone.  He had driven away the one person he loved more than anything.  More than life itself.  And he was alone.  Once again, ten years after he had lost her, lost her to a tragic accident, he had lost her again.  This time however, he had no-one but himself to blame.

******

Belle crept downstairs, trailing her stuffed rabbit behind her.  It was still early, too early for her Momma, or even Brady to be awake.  But she couldn’t sleep.  She stopped at the foot of the stairs and frowned when she saw Marlena and ‘Gene sleeping on the couch.  That wasn’t right.

 

Her bottom lip quivered as she remembered the shouting from the night before.  Something was wrong, but she didn’t know what.  Quietly she padded across the living room until she stood in front of the sofa.  Gently she lifted the blanket that covered the pair and climbed onto the sofa underneath it.  As carefully as she could, she tucked her tiny body into the space between her mother and Q.  

 

Marlena moved slightly in her sleep as the small, warm body of her daughter included herself in the unusual sleeping arrangements.  Pulling a protective arm across Belle, she descended back into her unsettled slumber.

******

John had lost all concept of time.  The hours seemed to pass by in a blur of ever moving numbers.  Yet each minute seemed to crawl by, taunting him with their seeming infinity.  Somehow, at some time, he found himself down at the pier.  

Crouching at the edge of the old wooden structure he stared into the dull murkiness of the river water.  The water, the pier itself seemed to mock him.  Faces, ghosts from his past, ghouls from his present swam past in the freezing water and the voices rang stridently in his head.  Orpheus, Stefano and Kristen, they all merged into one hideous montage of deception and hate, their voices gleefully chanting a recitation that John could not drown out.  You lost John.  You lost again.  What a *loser*.

 

“NO!”  He rubbed his eyes viciously, trying to rid himself of the torment he was creating. The images swam out of focus and he looked up at the leaden sky, seeking some heavenly guidance.  The harsh light of day precluded any help from Isabella’s star and John felt more alone than he had in his entire life.

******

Marlena woke to find Brady staring at her with curiosity.

 

“Momma? Are you okay?”  Marlena’s heart thumped as she recognized the gift that Brady had just given her.  She wasn’t sure that he even realized it himself, it had been so natural and unrehearsed.

 

“I’m fine sweetheart.”  She smiled a reassuring smile and Brady responded with obvious relief.  Q opened one eye and then, un-noticed, closed it again, content to let the family have a few moments to themselves.

 

“Where’s your sister?” Marlena asked, still not fully awake.  A tiny hand emerged from the top of the blanket and pulled it down to reveal an elfin face, framed by tousled blonde hair.

 

“Here!”  Belle squealed with a grin.

 

“Oh, my!  What are you doing there, young lady?”  Marlena demanded with an affectionate smile.

Belle’s face sobered.

 

“Heddy couldn’t sweep.”  She pulled out the worn rabbit from under the blanket.

 

“Why couldn’t Heddy sleep?”  Marlena asked gently, stroking Belle’s hair.

 

“Her Mommy and Daddy had a fight.”  Belle told her solemnly.  “She had a bad dweam.  So I taked her down faw a gwass of miwk.”

 

“Oh Belle, sweetheart.”  Marlena beckoned Brady onto the couch and she pulled both of the children onto her lap, enveloping the two of them in a hug.  “Do you two know how much I love you?”  Her eyes shone as both of the children nodded simultaneously.

 

“I know this is hard for you to understand.  Your Daddy and I…”  she faltered, unable to find the words she needed.  How on earth did you tell your children that there was irrevocable damage in your relationship with their father?   “My sweet angels.  There are some things that we will never understand, however hard we try.  Something has happened that means that your Daddy and I, well, we are having trouble talking to each other at the moment.  But that doesn’t mean that either of us love you any less.  It just means that when you see him, I won’t be there, not for a while anyway.”  

 

Belle and Brady looked at her with large confused eyes. 

 

“Does that mean I have to go live with Kristen?”  Brady asked with obvious unease.

 

“No sweetie, you don’t have to live with Kristen if you don’t want to.”  Marlena mussed up his hair with her fingers.  “You can stay here with us for as long as you want.”

 

“Forever?”  Brady asked hopefully.  Marlena grinned.

 

“How about you talk to your father about that first.  Then if you still want to live with us forever, well, I don’t see why not.”

 

Q opened his eyes with feigned sleepiness and yawned.  He returned Belle’s giggle with a grin and made a charade out of stretching.  When he was finished, he looked at Marlena.  She was still beautiful, even with the dark circles below her eyes marking out bruises of grief under her ashen skin.  But she was smiling and that was a very definite improvement.

******

Sami pushed the last of her things into the bag and pulled the zip shut.  Mike had signed the discharge forms and she was free to go.  Not that she knew *where* she was going.   She hadn’t seen either John or her mother all morning, but it was nearing midday and she didn’t want to wait around any longer.  So, with some trepidation she had asked the nurse to order her a taxi.  She was going to have to face her mother’s ire some time.  It may as well be now.

 

Mike entered the room, concern written on his face.

 

“Are you sure you’ll be alright taking a taxi to your mother’s Sami?”  he asked.  “I’d be happier if someone came to take you.”

 

“I’ll be fine Dr. Horton,” Sami assured him.  “Mom was supposed to pick me up, but I guess she’s got caught up in something.  I’m feeling much better and a taxi ride isn’t going to hurt me.”

 

“Alright.”  Mike conceded graciously.  “But I want you to promise me to get the taxi driver to take your bag up for you.”  He picked up the bag himself and walked to the door.  “Well come on, I’m sure you want to get out of this place.”  Sami grinned and gave the room one last glance.

 

“You bet!”  

******

John shivered, pulling his jacket closer round him.  The frigid wind carried the distinct promise of snow and the blanket of cloud that obscured the sky took on the appearance of dull metal.  He looked at the jet before him and wondered what in God’s name had brought him here.  All morning, everywhere he had gone, there had been reminders of her.  He couldn’t escape them, even if he wanted to.  Not that he really wanted to.  

Deep down he knew he deserved every bit of pain he felt.  Every pang of guilt and shame over the way that he had treated her.  In a way it was what kept him alive.  The pain, the guilt was something tangible, something to hold onto when there was nothing else left.

 

When he had left the pier, he had driven aimlessly for what seemed like hours, a dull ache in his head and a violent one in his heart.  He had found himself inexplicably at the airport and he had been drawn to the plane.  The plane where he had begun to live again, where his love for Marlena had exploded into an extant reality and where a little angel had been given life.  

 

As he entered the cabin, the tears began to flow again.  He knelt down in front of the couch and buried his face in the soft leather, almost able to feel her presence.  The memories were so intense in this place of all places that he could almost feel her there.  Her soft, warm skin.  Her fresh, clean scent.  The feel of her body entwined with his.  He shook his head, trying to free himself of the images. He couldn’t give into the memories.  It would drive him crazy if he let it.  

 

He had been such a fool.  Everything in the last four years seemed so clear, so simple now.  The one constant factor had been *her*.  She had loved him when no-one else could.  She had stood by him when no-one else would.  And she had waited for him when she could have had anyone she wanted.  She had wanted him, and he hadn’t been there.

 

He had been with Kristen.  

 

John shuddered at the thought of Kristen and what she had done to them.  She truly was a DiMera, and he wondered how he could have never seen it before.  He must have been so naïve, so stupid.  He sighed, but his voice cracked, the pain forcing a wedge through the center of his soul.  He couldn’t control the tears which seemed to start with no real reason, except that he kept seeing Marlena’s tear-stained face in front of his eyes and he couldn’t make it go away.

 

Sitting on the seat, John hunched over and buried his face in his hands.  He had to do something.  He couldn’t just carry on like this.  He looked up at the portholes of the cabin.  White flakes of snow drifted leisurely past and settled in clumps on the sills of the small windows.  John took a deep breath.  He had to go and confront Kristen.  He had to know why.  And he had to tell her that it was over.  That he was going to devote himself to making it up to the one person he truly loved.  He thought back to Eugene and vowed to himself to be as cautious and reserved as he could with Kristen.  But if she did lose the child, a child that had been conceived out of deceit, not love, he would have to live with it.  Surely it couldn’t be much worse than what he had to live with now.

******

The doorbell caused the four heads to swing around in unison.  Q looked at Marlena questioningly and stood when she nodded her head.  Making his way to the door, he opened it, prepared to tell John to get lost if necessary.  

 

But it wasn’t John.  Sami looked at Q and then at Marlena still sitting on the couch, swathed in blankets and small children.  The table in front of them was covered by an assortment of breakfast dishes.  What made her pause though, was the look on her mother’s face.  

The sight of Sami brought back to Marlena the events of the previous day, as if doubled in intensity and clarity.  The images and sounds assaulted her as they flashed before her eyes in a cacophony.  The color totally drained from her face as she relived the terrible pain she had suffered the night before.

 

“Momma?”  Brady gently tugged at her sleeve, bringing her back to reality.  “Momma, Sami’s here.”

Marlena shook her head, ridding herself of the fading reflections.  

 

“Yes, thank you sweet-heart.”  Marlena smiled at him and then turned to her older daughter.  “Sami honey, I’m sorry, I totally lost track of time.  How did you get here?”

 

“By taxi.”  Sami said absently.  She looked at the breakfast leftovers, food that Marlena obviously didn’t make.  There seemed to be no sign of John but her sharp eyes had noticed the journal lying on the floor by the window.  “Mom, what’s going on here?”

 

Chapter 29 – Everybody Hurts……

John stood before the hospital and looked up.  Somewhere in there was Kristen.  Behind one of those anonymous glass windows lay the woman that had destroyed his life almost as completely as her father had done before her.  He felt nothing for Kristen now.  Nothing but revilement for what she had done to Marlena and his children.  Belle had come close to losing her mother because of that woman and that, he could never forgive.

 

Still, he had found it hard to come here and deal the final blow.  He had driven from the airfield intending to come straight to the hospital and walk straight in through the doors which now stood forbiddingly before him.  Instead, he had driven past the building and round the block countless times.  As he had come closer to the hospital, he had grown less and less sure of what he wanted to say to Kristen when he confronted her.  The child that Kristen carried within her would link them forever, but John found himself struggling with the idea of even having a child by Kristen.  Logically he knew there was no other choice, but the thought of being tied to that woman by a child borne of lies made his stomach churn.  And yet, deep within himself, he knew the truth of the lines that Marlena had written in her journal.  The child was innocent.  It had no part in Kristen’s deception but to be the desired consequence.

 

He jammed his hands further down into his pockets and shrugged the scarf he wore around his neck upwards in a futile attempt to stave off the biting cold wind.  His breath blew lazy billows of mist into the icy air as he struggled with his instincts.  Finally, the air of despondence re-enveloped him and with a non-committal shrug, he stepped towards the concrete and glass edifice

******

Sami stared at the road.  The snow had ceased falling a while ago and a mantle of white cloaked the ground around the penthouse obliterating most of the landmarks that she knew.  Somehow it seemed to sum up the way she felt.  

 

She traced a small heart in the moisture that clung to the cold glass of the window with her finger.   It quickly lost shape as it slid down the window and she rubbed it out, an implicit expression of her inexplicable feeling of loss.

 

Marlena had taken her aside when she had arrived and filled her in on the events of the previous evening.  There had been no censure for her part in the episode and somehow this had only made Sami feel worse.  All she had done to bring her mother and John together seemed only to have served to drive them further apart.  All Sami wanted now was for her parents to be happy.  To be part of a family.  For as long as she could remember, that was all she had so desperately wanted, to be part of a happy, loving family.  And when it had failed to materialize with her parents, she had attempted to create her own.  But that had fallen apart too.  And now all she wanted was to hold her beloved son in her arms and mourn the loss of an intangible dream.

******

Kristen smiled brightly as John entered the room.  She had spent the previous night brooding over her earlier confrontation with John and had finally decided that if he visited her early, it would be good news.  She was so wrapped up in her web of deception, she actually believed her own lies and had no doubt that John would come crawling back to her, asking her forgiveness for his transgressions.  

 

Her smile soon faded however when she saw the expression on his face.  What she was unaware of was the fact that John had been standing in front of the door of her room for ten minutes, recounting to himself all the terrible deeds that she had executed to keep her grip on him.  He couldn’t let his suffering and guilt at what Marlena had been through serve as a weakness for Kristen to exploit.  He had to be strong for his family.  His *real* family.

 

Kristen blanched slightly and then made an irrevocable decision to go with her planned approach.  She had no way of knowing just how ineffective it would be.

 

“Hi Honey.  I’m so glad to see you.  I’ve been thinking a lot about yesterday and I wanted to clear the air between us.  I think maybe we both said some things we regret.  But if you’re here now, I know you must have forgiven me.”  She wore her best ‘little-girl’ smile, knowing that John always gave in to it.  This time however was different.

 

“Save it Kristen.”  John growled.  “I don’t want to hear it.”

 

“But John…” Kristen pouted, unable to wheedle her way through John’s foul mood.

 

“But nothing Kristen.  I’m here because I want you to explain something to me.”

 

“What’s that honey?”  Kristen asked sweetly.

 

“How exactly you thought you were going to keep the truth from me.”

******

Carrie sat on the bed next to Sami as Will played happily on the floor.

 

“I can’t believe it.”  Carrie repeated, shaking her head.  “She was *so* happy yesterday morning.”

 

“You didn’t see the scene when John came in later though.”  Sami reminded her sister.  “In a way I can understand why Mom did what she did.  I think John just went too far.  You can’t exactly blame her after all that she has been through for him.”

 

“I know.”  Carrie wiped her pale face with her hand and pushed the blonde locks behind her ear.  

 

“It’s just that she’s *been* through all that.  To give up *now*, it’s just….”

 

“It’s not fair.”  Sami put her hand tentatively on her sister’s knee.  “But it’s the way it is Carrie.  However much we hate it.  I think that all we can do for now is just be there for Mom.  And John,” she shook her head, tears filling her blue eyes, “’cos he’s gotta be hurting too.”

  

Carrie looked at Sami with a touch of surprise.  She really had changed so much.  And Carrie felt oddly protective of her.  She took Sami’s hand gently in hers and brushed a tear from her little sister’s cheek.

 

“He must be Sam.  But you know what?  I think he’s a really lucky guy.  Because he has us to care that he is hurting.”  Impulsively she reached over and pulled Sami into her arms.  “And we all know, there’s nothing more important than family.”

******

“John, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  The calm shake of Kristen’s head belied the churning of her stomach and the adrenaline that was shooting through her.  The intensity of John’s angry glare made her blood feel like ice in her veins.  This was something she hadn’t anticipated.

 

John prolonged her agony as he walked to the window and poked his fingers between the slats of the venetian blinds, forcing them apart slightly so he could see outside.  It had begun to snow again.  Biting the inside of his cheek, he turned back to the bed and crossed his arms.

 

“I read Marlena’s journal.”

 

“I’m sorry?” Kristen squinted her eyes in order to see him against the light from the window and shook her head again.  

 

“Doc’s journal,” John enunciated slowly.  “The one she kept while your *old man* had her locked up in a damn cage in Paris.  You know, when she thought she was never going to see her children or anyone she loved again.  Surely you can’t have forgotten *that*.”

 

“Of course I haven’t forgotten it.”  Kristen snapped anxiously.  “How could I?”

 

“I don’t really know Kristen.”  John walked slowly towards the bed.  “But there seem to have been a lot of things that you have forgotten to tell *me*.”

 

“Look John, if you have something to say, just say it.”  Kristen suddenly felt terribly drained, and she lay back on her pillows.  “I just don’t understand what all this has to do with me.”

 

“How could you *not* understand?”  John demanded angrily.  “After the part you played in Marlena’s kidnapping you can’t have thought she wouldn’t have written it all down.  I’ve read it *all* Kristen.  Everything you have done to keep Marlena from me.  No-one told me.  You had that nicely wrapped up, didn’t you?  As long as you were pregnant with my child, no-one could.  But no-one had to.”  His face was white, and his hands were shaking.  Kristen suddenly felt very frightened.    She had totally forgotten about that damn journal, and she had no contingency plans to deal with this.  She was going to have to play it by ear and hope that she could salvage something from this ghastly situation.  She knew only one thing.  She wasn’t about to give up now.

 

“John honey, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  Kristen opened her eyes wide in feigned innocence.  “I don’t know what Marlena wrote in this diary that you are talking about.  Whatever it is, I…”  she shook her head, “…I just don’t understand why you are so angry with me.”

“*Don’t* call me honey.”  John snarled.  “And stop lying.  It doesn’t wash with me any more.  You know *exactly* what I am talking about.”  

 

Kristen’s astounded silence spurred John on.

 

“It was *you* who gave Stefano the number of the plane that Doc was on.  Not only her but your own *mother*.  You were willing to risk her safety to get Marlena out of your life.  Out of *my* life, forever.”  He shook his head, his distaste for her clearly expressed in the grimace he wore on his face.  “And then, after doing everything you could to talk me out of going to Paris, you followed me there, putting the life of our child in danger and did everything you could to stop me from finding her.  You didn’t care that your actions left Belle without a mother.  You just did what you had to, to hold onto me.”

 

Kristen swallowed hard.  She wanted to protest that she never wanted to hurt Marlena, to leave Belle without a mother, but she couldn’t admit the truth to John.  That would signal the end of everything she had worked so long and so hard for.  She had come this far; she would ride this through too and eventually she would win John back.  Her resolve strengthened as she looked at John, crocodile tears in her eyes.

 

“John, it’s all lies.  You know I *never* would have helped Stefano.  I might have felt threatened by Marlena at one time, yes, but I never would have put her life, or my mother’s at risk like that.”

“It’s taken a long time,” John shook his head, “but I can finally tell the difference between your truth and your lies Kristen.  You’re the only one who *could* have told Stefano the number of the plane.  You were the only other one who *knew* it.  I was just too clueless to see it till now.”  His upper lip twitched with a barely concealed sneer.  “What I want to know is *why*?  Why Kristen?  Did you think in your twisted mind that when I eventually found out the truth that I would stay with you out of *duty*?  You may be pregnant with my child but that doesn’t shackle me to you.”

 

Kristen was breathless with panic.  He really did believe what Marlena had written.  She couldn’t see a way out of this one, but she would fight like a wildcat before she admitted any of it.  She produced a new flood of tears and sat up in the bed, stretching her hands out to John.

 

“Why are you doing this to me John?  I love you.  I’d never do anything like that.  I don’t know why Marlena wrote those lies.  They are lies John.   I had no idea she hated me so much.”

 

“*Stop* lying Kristen!”  John roared.

 

“I’m *not* lying John.”  The tears streamed down her red face and mingled with the mucus that dripped from her nose.  “I never did anything to hurt Marlena.  I swear it on my baby’s life.”

 

John froze, the nausea swelling in his gut.

 

“How *could* you!”  His tone was accusing, and Kristen shrank back before him.  “Don’t you dare try to use that child again.  You are despicable.  Anything that we ever had, it’s over.  It was only ever based on lies and falseness anyway.  It ended when I realized what sort of person you really are.”

 

“But what *about* our baby John?”  Kristen ventured nervously, a tear dripping off her nose.  John clenched his teeth together, trying to maintain his relative cool.

 

“You counted on that didn’t you?”  he questioned coldly.  Kristen merely looked at him, her bottom lip trembling.  “I will support the child.  It will be part of my life; I have no intention of giving that up.  But you will not *use* the child to force me to stay with you.  I already have a family and although my behavior towards them has been  inexcusable while I have been with you I intend to make it up to them and spend the rest of my life making it up to them.  And I could care less if that doesn’t fit in with you *plans*.”

 

Kristen was really crying now.  It seemed as if her plans, her world was falling down around her.  John couldn’t leave her, he just *couldn’t*.  What would she do?  What *could* she do?  There *had* to be something.  She choked convulsively and then looked up at him from under swollen red eyelids.

 

“John.  Please, don’t do this.  Don’t throw away everything we have.”  She pressed her lips together, fighting to maintain her composure though her jaw trembled uncontrollably.  “I love you.  And we are having a baby together.  I never did anything to harm Marlena or you.  I don’t know why you believe these lies but….”  a cough strangled the rest of her sentence.  She shook her head pathetically.  “Please don’t leave me John.  I need you.  Our baby needs you.”

 

John watched her, his emotions running out of control.  The sight of her made him feel physically ill.  He wondered how he could ever have convinced himself that he had loved *this*.  This wretched excuse for a human being.  Still, her pitiful pleas moved something within him, the part of him that had once cared for Kristen Blake.  The Kristen Blake he had invented in his mind.

 

That small impression, the unexpected emotion splintered the armor of anger he had built around himself and his eyes filled with tears again.

 

“Why Kristen?  I just don’t understand how you could have done it.”  He shook his head, unable to comprehend how utterly blind he had been to the truth of the world around him.  “You knew I loved Doc.  You knew she loved me.  How on earth can you wake up and *look* at yourself in the mirror each morning?”  His voice lowered to barely a whisper.  “Don’t you have any self-respect?”

 

Kristen was too exhausted to answer.  Nothing she could say would convince him that she was telling the truth anyway.  She just had to watch him walk out that door and then figure out a way of making him come back to her.  And he would.  She knew that, as sure as night follows day, he would.  If she had anything to do with it.  John read the defiance in her eyes and straightened his back.

“You’re not going to win this one Kristen.”

 

His words were lost in Kristen’s groan as the now-familiar cramping feeling gripped her abdomen.  She had been waiting for it, but she was damned if she was going to lose this child.  It was the only avenue, the only possibility of holding onto John that she could discern, and she was going to protect it with all the strength she had left.  

 

John was about to warn her not to try it on when the second gasp came.  It was far more persuasive than the first and the pain in her eyes convinced him that this wasn’t a ploy.  Kristen folded her arms around her stomach and shrieked as another wave of pain hit her belly.  She felt as if her insides were on fire, and she wasn’t sure that she could escape it this time.  

 

John ran to the door and called for the doctor and then stood back helplessly as he watched Kristen rock to and fro in the bed.  The pain was unbearable this time and Kristen screamed in agony as each cramp twisted the knife further into her.  She gave a final tortured howl when she felt the warm stickiness seeping between her legs.

By the time Mike Horton arrived it was already too late.

Chapter 30 – The Fortunes of Defeat

John sat slumped in the black vinyl chair.  The depression and exhaustion had overtaken him, and he looked into the distance with glazed eyes, seemingly unaware of the bustle around him.  However hard he had worked to convince himself that he could cope with the loss of his child, it hadn’t been hard enough.  No amount of blustering, of anger on his part could take away this empty feeling inside his heart.  In less than twenty-four hours, he had lost Marlena, he had lost his ideal of Kristen, and now he had lost his child.  And he could lay the blame at no-one’s feet but his own.  He had been warned but he had thought he could accept the consequences of his actions.  He had always thought he could.  Now he realized he had only spent his life running from them.

 

Mike walked towards the lonely figure in the waiting room.  The hour was late, and the hospital corridors seemed empty and unwelcoming.  His curiosity had been piqued by the events of the past day but as always, his consummate professionalism came to the fore as he sat down beside John.

 

After studying his thumbnail for what seemed like an eternity, John’s red-rimmed, questioning eyes searched out Mike’s.

 

“I don’t know what happened in there between you,” Mike began softly and with no reproach in his voice.  For that John was grateful, his guilt already burgeoning out of control.  “You know Kristen miscarried?”  John nodded miserably.  Mike regarded him with sympathy.  “I’m sorry John, I know what this child meant to the two of you.”  John’s nod was almost indiscernible.

  

“Thanks Mike.”  He looked back up at the doctor, the strain obvious.  “And we know you did all that you could.”  He clenched his jaw, the tense muscles protruding in cords down his throat.

 

“We’re about to take her down for a scan.  It’s a formality before she goes into theatre for a D and C.”  Mike said gently.  “Do you want to go and see her before she goes down.”   John shook his head, the pain too heavy in his heart to even consider it.

 

“I wouldn’t know what to say.”  His voice was hoarse, and he shook his head, trying to rid himself of the image of Kristen’s blood on the starched white sheets.  “I can’t…”

 

“Just tell her that you love her, and you’ll be there for her.”  Mike suggested with sympathy.

 

“I can’t-” John’s voice cracked, two tones discordantly clashing in pain.  “I don’t Mike.  I don’t love her.  I don’t even like her anymore.  So, tell me now.  What the hell do I say to her?”

******

Marlena tucked Belle into bed, her stuffed bunny Heddy snuggled tightly by her side.  She smiled at her diminutive daughter and kissed her on the forehead.

“Now you go to sleep sweet girl.  And if Heddy wakes up or has any bad dreams, I want you to come and tell me.  Okay?” 

 

 Belle nodded sleepily, a smile touching her lips.  “Nigh’ Momma.”

 

“Night Belle.  Sweet dreams darling.”  Marlena left the room and quietly pulled the door almost closed, leaving the customary glimmer of light which comforted the small child.

 

In the next room, Sami had just finished reading Brady a chapter of Winnie-the-Pooh.  She was settling him down for the night when Marlena joined them.

 

“Are you ready for bed Brady?  Brushed your teeth, washed your face?”  She grinned as the little boy nodded his head sagely.  “I always do Mo- Ma-.”  His expression clouded with confusion, and he looked to Sami for guidance.  She smiled gently.

 

“I don’t think Mom minds you calling her that you know.”  She turned to Marlena.  “Mom?”

 

Marlena knelt down next to the bed, her right arm on Sami’s knee.  She took Brady’s hand in hers and smiled at him, her eyes gleaming with the lustrous quality she reserved only for those who lived inside her heart.

 

“Brady, sweetheart.  Nothing would make me happier than if you wanted to call me Momma.”  She saw the uncertainty in his eyes and continued.  “I know your real Mommy is in heaven Brady, and I can never take her place for you.  But if you want to, you can just think of me as your other Mom.”  Her smile grew with his and she leaned over and hugged him.  “Your Momma that loves you very much.”

 

“I love you too Momma.”  The quiet proclamation in her ear elicited a tear from Marlena and she closed her eyes as she wiped it away discretely.

 

Outside the room after the lights had been extinguished, Sami leaned against the wall as she watched her mother close the door.  She could tell Marlena was exhausted, the strain of the emotions she was burying was taking its toll and she looked pale and drawn. 

 

“Mom, why don’t you get some sleep?”  she asked, the concern washing across her face.

 

“Oh. I don’t know if I can.”  Marlena admitted, rubbing her eyes with the tips of her fingers.

 

“John?”  

 

“It’s just…, so much has happened Sami.”  She chewed her bottom lip, the only sign that betrayed the very real fear she felt.  “I don’t know.  Every time I close my eyes… it’s all just *there*.”  She sighed, annoyed with herself.  “I’m sorry sweetheart.  I shouldn’t be burdening you with all this, you have enough to deal with.”  She reached out and touched Sami’s cheek with her fingertips.  “I’m so proud of you Sami.”

 

“Mom.”  Sami frowned.  “Don’t change the subject.  I want to help you.  If you want to talk to someone, I want you to know – you can talk to me.”  Her expression changed to an impish grin.  “You see my mom, well, she’s a pretty good shrink.  And she taught me a thing or two about listening to people.”  Marlena returned her smile with a half-hearted one of her own.

 

“You’re so sweet.  You won’t be too offended if I don’t take you up on your offer tonight?”  She looked at Sami with the same love that she had demonstrated with Brady earlier.  “I just don’t know that I can talk about it yet.”  She eyed the blonde girl critically.  “And *you* look pooped.”  She winked at her daughter.  “Go on, get ye to bed.”  

Sami acknowledged Marlena with a hug.

 

“I’ll see you in the morning?”

 

“Of course you will.  Where else would I be?”  Marlena looked at Sami’s arm pointedly.  “And if you need any help with Will, you’ll come and get me, won’t you?”  Sami nodded, patently humoring her.  “Won’t you?”  Marlena repeated.  

 

“Yes Mom.”  Sami nodded with a smile.  “G’night Mom.”

 

“Night honey.”  She smiled and kissed Sami’s cheek.  “Sweet dreams Sami-girl.”

******

John sat silently, his thoughts running in ever-decreasing circles.  They revolved as though on a skewed axis, twisting and turning in on themselves, collapsing into a maelstrom of confusion and misery.  There was no beginning and no ending.  He was lost in a hell of his own making and there was no exit now.

 

Inevitably, as they always did, his thoughts drifted back to Marlena.  Somehow now he could see everything.  It was as though all this time he had been trying to see through water, the outlines blurred and indefinable behind the gauze of liquid lies.  It was ironic then, that now he had his head above the water he had never felt more like he was drowning.  

 

Marlena’s face, her tears haunted him.  He tried to remember the last time he had seen her happy.  Truly and unequivocally happy.  The truth was that it was over ten years ago.  He had been Roman Brady and she had been happy.  He could remember the smile she had reserved for only him.  The smile that had illuminated her whole face, her cheeks flushed, her eyes dancing.  And that laugh.  The full-throated laugh that could never fail to make him grin.  

 

His heart felt as though it was being compressed in a vice.  The pain left him breathless.  The Marlena he knew now didn’t laugh.  And when she smiled, it never quite reached her beautiful hazel eyes.  She wore an aura of pervading sadness; a sadness John had always blindly attributed to the pain over her separation from Roman.  He had been lying to himself.  If once, just one time, he had found the courage not to lie to himself, to her, he might have prevented all the pain she had endured.

******

Q stared wearily at the fire.  The flames casually licked the brick surrounds, carelessly dropping sparks as they leapt ever upwards.  He crossed his arms in front of his body and wondered, not for the first time if he was doing the right thing.  It had all seemed so easy before.  Bring John and Marlena together and he’d bring himself back into the fold of the Continuum.  Somewhere along the way however, things had become very complex, very quickly.  

As a Q he could deal with complexity.  Space and Time weren’t exactly elementary concepts.  Yet, when humans, when human emotions were involved, Q was lost.  Being back here, where he had once been human, among the people he had cared about, some very human emotions were starting to surface.  And it scared him.  

 

“Penny for them?”  Q jumped as Marlena’s soft voice and her hand on his shoulder brought him back to earth.  He turned round and immediately felt contrite as he saw her eyes generous with concern for him.  If he was ever going to be worthy of her affection and concern, he was going to have to stop indulging in this unproductive self-pity.

 

“Nothing really,” he smiled at her.  “It’s not important.”

 

“Whatever is worrying you ‘Gene, it’s important to me.”  She smiled softly.  “You’ve been such a good friend; I just want to return the favor.”

 

“There was never any favor in it.”  Q studied her face intently, and he found himself unable to help himself as he reached out and ran a fingertip down her perfect cheekbone.  “You look exhausted.  Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”

 

Marlena smiled at him and then moved in front of him to regard the fire.

 

“I don’t think I can sleep Eugene.”

 

“You can’t?  Or you won’t?”  He caught her slight wince at his question, and shifting behind her, he tentatively placed his hands on her shoulders.  He was caught off guard when she leaned back against him.  

 

She sighed deeply, an uncontrolled exhalation of the stress and tension that was building up inside her.  

 

“I’m *afraid* Eugene.”  She watched the fire, the hypnotic dance of the flames a soothing balm to her disordered thoughts.  “I’m afraid of what I’ll see when I close my eyes.”  Q frowned and absently began to work the knots out of her shoulders.

 

“You can’t keep your eyes open forever Marlena.  You’re going to have to confront those boogey-men sometime.”  Marlena rolled her head forward as Q delved his skilled fingers under her hair and began to massage the kinks out of her neck with his thumbs. 

 

“I know you’re right.  It doesn’t make it any easier though.”  Unexpected tears formed in her eyes, and she hurriedly brushed them away with the back of her hand.  “I just wish it didn’t *hurt* so damn much.”

 

Q pulled his hands away from her neck and turned her round gently.

 

“I know you’re in pain Marlena.  I’m here if you want to talk about it.”  She looked up into his face and saw only compassion for her plight.  Once again, she realized how much she had missed his strength and friendship in the intervening years.  She smiled at him sadly and taking her leave of him she sat on the sofa.

 

“What is there to say?”  Her lips lost their color as she pressed them firmly together.

“Tell me how you *feel*.”  Q sat beside her; his leg curled up underneath him.  Marlena looked at him, her composure strained.  

 

“I can’t.”  She shook her head.  

 

“You *can*.”  Q squeezed her arm.  “You need to, I think.”

Her shoulders slumped and she pulled a tissue out of the box that graced the table.  She gave her eyes a cursory wipe and then wadded the tissue up into a ball that she clutched tightly in the palm of her hand.

 

“How do I feel?”  She sniffed.  “Angry.  Bitter.  Betrayed.”  She closed her eyes firmly, willing away the troublesome memories.  “I *can’t* forgive him Eugene.  I’ve tried.  I’ve fought this for so long.  I’ve fought her and I’ve fought him.  The person that he became with her, *he* isn’t what I fought *for*.”  She pulled another tissue from the box and fidgeted with it.  “And I don’t have it left in me.”

 

“So, you just give up, is that it?”  Q asked a little harshly.  Marlena opened her eyes and looked at him in surprise.

 

“Eugene, I don’t have any choice.  Not if I still want to like myself in the morning.  I could fight but what do I have left to fight for?”

 

“Your children?  Your happiness?”  He frowned contemplatively.  “I know you’re hurting, but so is everyone else.   Including John.”

 

“Yes, well…”  Marlena looked away to the window, a spark of defiance bolstering her.  “I’m afraid I can’t be responsible for everybody.  Not anymore.”  

 

She screwed up the second tissue and threw the both of them on the table.  “It can’t be helped, Eugene.”  She stood up and walked to the window, watching the icy flakes that rained past the glass.  She wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed her hands up and down her sleeves.  

 

“I’ve spent so long trying to do what was right for everyone else,” her voice lowered to an undertone, “I almost lost myself in the process.  All that pining after John but not doing anything about it.  That wasn’t *me*.  That’s not what I’m about.  I’m not some lovesick teenager with a *crush*.  So why did I behave like I was?”

 

Q walked up behind her for the second time that evening, but this time he enfolded her in his arms.

“You didn’t.  You just tried to do what was right by John and his child.  You were manipulated by that *woman* and she could only do that because you are the wonderful, selfless person that you are.”  Marlena turned around and looked at him, the firelight reflected in her eyes.  She put her hands on his chest and he loosened his hold on her a little

 

“But don’t you see ‘Gene, that’s just *it*.  I get walked over because I *let* it happen.  Kristen knew exactly what she could use to ensure my silence and she was right.”

 

“I don’t see that trying to protect the life of an unborn child is inviting the mistreatment that you have suffered.”  Q argued.

“That’s not really the point.”  Marlena shook her head.  “The point it that I have to stop worrying about other people and start doing what is right for *me*.”

 

Q gazed at her face, so close yet so unreachable and he felt his heart pound in his ears.  Gently he reached up and swept back the hair from over her eyes.

 

“And how does that start?”

 

“It started with me telling John that he is no longer part of my life.  And it continues with me making a new life without him.”

 

“And that’s what you really want?”  

 

Marlena stared at him for a moment, the pain welling up again.  Then she leaned forward, resting her cheek against his chest, the beating of his heart steady and reassuring.  It wasn’t what she wanted.  She knew that deep down, but there was nothing she could do to change the past.  It was written in stone and she had to live with it now.

 

“That’s the way it has to be.” 

******

John watched as Kristen’s gurney was wheeled past.  He had retreated to the safety of a doorway, unable to bear the notion of another confrontation.  He felt an odd sense of dislocation as he saw her tired face.  She looked exhausted but he could find no sense of bereavement about her.  Not that it particularly surprised him.  He had already worked that one out in his head.

 

To Kristen, the baby had never been anything more than a means to possess him.  To ensure his loyalty and ‘love’ and Marlena’s silence.  And just like a DiMera she had gotten what she’d wanted.  He leaned against the wall and rubbed his stubble-clothed chin as he watched the gurney roll into the elevator and out of sight.  Out of sight out of mind.  

 

If only.

******

“My, my.  How cosy.”  The voice reverberated in Q’s head, and he frowned unhappily.  He didn’t bother turning around.  He knew who it was.

 

“What do you want Q?”

 

“By the looks of it I’m here averting an unnatural disaster.”  Q2’s disembodied presence continued his verbal assault on Q’s senses.  Marlena, sensing Q’s sudden tenseness, turned her head in inquiry.

 

“‘Gene?”

 

“We have a visitor.”  He announced, turning back to the empty living room.  Marlena turned with him; the unspoken question ready on her lips.  

 

Slowly a disturbance rippled the air in front of them and Q2 materialized, floating cross-legged, four feet above the floor.

 

“Aww Q!  Spoil my fun won’t ya.  Still, I suppose it’s only fair since I seem to have spoiled yours.”  He grinned insolently at Marlena who glared back in silence.  She had taken an instant dislike to him the last time he had dropped in unexpectedly and this current episode was only reinforcing her lowly opinion.

 

“Q.”  Q’s tone held a hint of warning.  “Is there a purpose to this visit or have you taken to torturing me merely for your amusement?”  Q2 smiled arrogantly.  

 

“Nice as the idea is Q…..I do have to talk to you.  Preferably without Dr. Evans attached to your side.”

 

Q turned to Marlena.  “Please excuse his rudeness, Marlena.” He scowled at Q2.  “He’s not exactly 

accustomed to human etiquette.”

 

“Oh, I had the impression that he was *trying* to be offensive.”  She raised her eyebrows.  “Rather than merely stupid.”  Q2 grinned and winked at her condescendingly.  Q, his embarrassment growing by the second, squeezed her hand.  

 

“I won’t be long.”  Marlena shrugged her shoulders and inclined her head slightly before turning back to the window.

 

Outside the apartment Q confronted Q2, his hands on his hips.

 

“Well?” he growled.

 

“Well, for starters, maybe as the guardian of you Q-ship I should remind you of the reason you are *here*.”  Q2 looked speculative.  “You know if I didn’t know better Q, I’d think you were falling in love with the good doctor.”

 

“Well, it’s just as well you know better Q.”  Q was making every effort he could to restrain himself.  “I haven’t forgotten.  How could I when this timeline and my status as a Q depend on it.  Besides,” he shook his head with an ironic smile,  “how would I possibly forget?  You are *so* good at reminding me.”

 

“*Don’t* forget Q.”  Q2 warned with unusual seriousness.  “Screwing with the Continuum isn’t a particularly good idea.”

 

“Point taken.”  Q’s face became unreadable.  “Now what’s the real reason you’re here.”

 

“It’s the DiMera tramp.”  Q2 frowned.  “It seems she had a visit from John Black this evening and shortly thereafter she miscarried.”  Q looked at him in dismay.  “So maybe you should get down there and salvage what you can of the situation.”

 

“Do you know what…”

 

“I know nothing more than you now do.”  Q2 shook his head.  “I am merely the messenger boy.”

 

“But what can *I* do now?”  It was more of a plea than a question.

 

“The Continuum will contact you if we decide that action must be taken.  For now, we just want you down there as damage control.”  Q2’s voice faded away with the substance of his body.

 

Q immediately made his way back into the penthouse, his consternation at this turn of events scripted over his face.  Seeing him, Marlena forgot her annoyance.

 

“Eugene, what’s wrong?”

 

“What?” he looked at her distractedly. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just had some bad news.”

 

“Can I help in any way?”  She put her hand on his shoulder, oblivious to the effect she had on him.

He smiled and shook his head.

 

“No, this is something I have to take care of myself.  Unfortunately, though it does mean I have to go out for a while.”  He brushed her hair behind her shoulder.  “Will you be alright?”

 

“Of course I will.”  Marlena threw her arms around him and hugged him to her.  “You go and do whatever you have to do.  I’ll be just fine.”

******

Mike stood at the back of the darkened room as the ultra-sonographer moved the paddle over Kristen’s belly.  Kristen lay limp and disinterested, partly due to the influence of the drugs were suffusing her system.  The woman’s professional detachment was soothing to her, but she just wanted this to be over.  She had lost everything, and this was just prolonging her agony.

Amanda Beckingsdale exhaled in surprise and moved the paddle back and forth over a particular spot.  She turned her head and beckoned Mike forward.  Mike stared intently at the screen for several moments before turning to the ultra-sonographer.  She looked at him, uncertainty in her expression.

 

“I’m not quite sure if I’m right Dr. Horton.  If I am this is highly unusual.  Can you tell me, are you’re seeing what I’m seeing?”

Chapter 31 – All in a Night’s Work

John awoke with a start as the shadow passed across him.  He opened his eyes to find Q standing in front of him, his expression seemingly somewhere between disapproval and annoyance.  He pulled himself upright in the chair and rubbed his face, trying to rid himself of the vestiges of sleep which clung to his mind.

 

Q crossed his arms in front of him.  Part of him pitied John and what he was going through.  He had lost so much, and he was very obviously suffering for his sins.  The other part of him recognized a certain satisfaction that he took in John’s pain.  The man deserved to hurt for what he had done to Marlena, and he deserved to hurt bad.  Still, he had to put his feelings aside and focus on what was happening here and now.  And Q2’s warning rung in his ears like a consistently grim reminder of impending doom.  *Don’t* forget Q.  Screwing with the Continuum isn’t a particularly good idea.

 

“I heard a nasty rumor that you were down here,” he said quietly.  “Supposing you fill me in.”

John was sullen, like a schoolboy caught red-handed, but refusing to hand over the note to the teacher.  Since when had Eugene Bradford become his self-appointed keeper?

 

“Suppose I tell you it’s none of your business,” he scowled at Q.

“Suppose you develop a little insight in that unused brain of yours and realize that I am only trying to help you,” Q shot back with sarcasm.  “Although *why* I should bother…”

 

“That’s right.  Why bother?”  John clenched his fist, vying for his self-control.  “Because I think I’ve had just about *enough* of your kind of help.”

 

“Well, *there’s* gratitude for you!”  Q rolled his eyes slightly.

 

“In fact, how do I know you didn’t plan it this way all along?”  John demanded angrily.  “How do I know that this wasn’t some sort of plot for you to get Marlena all to yourself.”

 

Q laughed at the irony.

 

“Nice thought Black, but do you really think I would have left her alone at the penthouse in front of an open fire to come down here and sort out *your* problems if that was the case?  And I certainly wouldn’t have locked you in the same room for eighteen hours if that was my intention.”  John didn’t answer but looked at him suspiciously.  Q frowned.  How the hell could he help John if the man wasn’t willing to help himself?  He was tempted to go back to the penthouse and Marlena and let John wallow in his own misery, but he knew that there were more important things at stake here than whether John was through sulking or not.   “How about John, instead of blaming everyone else for your problems, you pull yourself together and do something about them.”

 

“Since when have you been the moral majority?”  John snapped uncharacteristically.  Bradford had rubbed him up the wrong way ever since he had come back to town and things were getting worse rather than better.

 

“Perhaps since I had to watch Marlena cry herself to sleep last night over *you*.”  Q retorted angrily.  He’d had enough of this pathetic, self-pitying version of John Black and it was time to do something about it.

 

“How… how is she?”  John asked the question quietly, the shame written clearly on his face.  “I tried to call her earlier but there was no answer.”  It was a pitiful excuse to justify his lack of contact he knew, but he was too raw now to cope with seeing the pain in Marlena’s eyes again, so soon.

 

“She hasn’t picked up the phone all day.” Q’s tone was flat as he watched John’s eyes, the silent plea unequivocal.  He wasn’t sure that he could hand John what he so desperately wanted.

 

He sighed and looked away towards the window and the night sky that lay inkily behind it.

“You want to know how Marlena is?  She’s devastated.  She just lost her whole world.  It fell apart,” he turned back to John and exaggerated his words, “because of *you*.  How do you expect that she is?”

 

John looked silently at the linoleum tiles that lined the floor.  He couldn’t stand the idea that Marlena was in pain because of him.  All he had wanted was for her to be happy.  He loved so much but somewhere things had gone terribly, horribly wrong.  But still, a small, selfish part of him couldn’t help the little spark of gladness that she wasn’t out partying now that she had put him behind her.

 

He scuffed the corner of one of the tiles with his toe and lifted it slightly from it’s surroundings.  Slowly he looked up at Q.

 

“I never meant…,” he shook his head, the pain in his chest again taking away his ability to speak.

 

“You never *meant* to?”  Q rolled his eyes again.  “Well, I’m sure that would make Marlena feel *so* much better.  You never meant to what?  You never meant to break up her marriage and then dump her, alone and unloved in that penthouse?  You never meant to forget that you already have two other children who adore the ground you walk on but who only see you when it suits *you*?  You never meant to run off screw that revolting, skanky whore every time you thought you couldn’t have Marlena?”  He sneered at John grinding out every bit of mileage he could from the situation.  “What is that song?  If you can’t love the one you want, love the one you’re with…. the one who lied to you and deceived you.  You know I don’t know what Marlena sees in you.  You certainly don’t deserve *her*.”  He sighed dramatically.  “But it seems that for some strange reason that only she knows and can understand, although I’m not totally convinced, she does understand it, the woman loves you.” He shook his head, a half-grin invading his face.  “More’s the pity.”

 

John’s eyes filled unexpectedly, and his voice became strained again as he forced the words out.

“She might love me but she doesn’t want me,” he wiped away the tears angrily, annoyed at himself for letting Q see his weakness.   

 

Q frowned with frustration.  He was beginning to develop a headache, one of those terribly *mortal* afflictions that constantly reminded him of his task.  He closed his eyes and wondered just how much work he was expected to do here.  It was cruel and unusual punishment to be sure.

 

“She doesn’t want you?  Of course she wants you, you clueless moron!”  He grimaced.  “Why the hell do you think she’s so miserable?”

 

“Eugene, she told me that it’s over.  She doesn’t want me in her life anymore.  You weren’t there.  You didn’t see the look in her eyes…”  John buried his face in his palms, his distress growing.  His voice came muffled and pained.  “I’ve never seen her like that before.  She never looked at me like that before.  She meant it.  She meant every word.”

“Oh, I see.  So just because you were an asshole yet again and this time Marlena got a little upset, you’re going to walk away, *no* run away, once more.”  Q looked at John, dislike emanating from him in waves.  “You are worse than pathetic.  You’re *pitiful*.”

 

“What the hell do you want me to do?”  John’s voice raised in reciprocal anger.  “She won’t see me.  I know her well enough to know that.”

 

“Well maybe if you quenched your lust for instant gratification and actually *waited* for Marlena to calm down a little you might have half a chance to make things up to her.”  Q eyed the nurse that scurried past them.  “Of course the prerequisite is that you actually keep your pants zipped up for more than five minutes.”  He smiled condescendingly at John.  “Do you think that it’s *possible*?” 

 

John sat in furious silence.

 

“Look John.  I know you don’t like me.” He grinned sarcastically.  “You’re not the first and you certainly won’t be the last.  And as much as you probably hate to hear it, I don’t find your dislike of me mortally wounding.  In fact, the feeling is quite mutual.”  He sat down in the chair next to John, a smug smile gracing his lips.  “However, the truth of the matter is that I am here to help you.  Marlena loves you, poor woman, and I care about her enough to want to see her happy.  And I know that she’ll only be happy with you.”  The frown returned.  “Much as it pains me to admit it.”

 

The stony silence continued, and Q sent a silent plea for mitigation to the heavens.  He took a deep breath and counted to ten.  It seemed to work for the humans although he couldn’t quite see the rationale behind it.  “You have to pull yourself together Black and go out and *win* her back.  Woo her.  And don’t take no for an answer.  It’ll take time but I know Marlena.  Do it right and she will crumble.  It might take a while, but she’ll come round.”   John’s silence remained intact but Q could tell that this time it was due to careful consideration.  He continued, hating every word he spoke but knowing they were necessary.  “She wants you.  She needs you in her life.  She is the mother of your daughter, and she won’t deny you to Belle.  When all is said and done, she loves you and it is her pride that is making her drive you away.  Don’t let *your* pride ruin both your lives.”

 

John looked at him, the first spark if hope in his eyes since this whole sorry mess had begun.

 

“Do you really think that she’d forgive me?”  He shook his head.  “I’ve been *such* an idiot.  How could she ever forgive everything I have done to her?”

 

“She will.  As sure as I am standing here, given time, she will.” Q considered the window again.  “That’s who Marlena is.  She’s selfless, forgiving and forgiving.  That’s why *Kristen* was able to take advantage of her for so long.”  He spat out Kristen’s name like it was poison.

 

John bowed his head again and offered up a prayer to the Lord above.  He had been a fool, but Eugene was right.  He had a chance to rectify things and he was going to take that chance with both hands and make it right, however long it took him

******

Marlena’s eyes snapped open in terror.  Her heart was racing, and her body was suffused with a iciness that she could not shake.  She looked around her and realized that she was still in the living room of the penthouse.  She had fallen asleep on the couch but the nightmare that had jolted her back to consciousness was fading so rapidly she could no longer be sure what it was about.

 

All she knew was that she could not face the ordeal of going back to sleep again.  Not right now.  The adrenaline started to break down in her system and an uncontrollable wave of shivering swept her body.  She looked at the fire and seeing that it had died right down, set about building it back up again.  When she had finished, she pulled a blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around herself.  The room seemed empty and unfriendly, and Marlena felt so lonely she thought it would suffocate her. 

 

She doused the lights and lit the two candles which sat on the table.  Along with the fire they gave the room some semblance of warmth and familiarity.  She walked once more to the window, thinking absently that she had spent a lot of time staring out of it lately.  It was as if somewhere, out there was an answer to all her questions.  It was a hope she had to hold on to.  If there was no meaning, no reason to the suffering she was enduring, what was the point?

 

Stiltingly, she drew the curtains, closing out the oppressive darkness of the night.  Silently she looked around the room, wondering what she could do to keep herself occupied till Eugene came home.  She walked over to the bookcase and ran her fingers over the spines of the books, not looking for anything in particular.  She pulled out a volume that had been asking her attention and made her way back to the couch.

 

She stopped in front of the wine rack and considered it.  She wasn’t normally one to resort to alcohol on times of crisis.  In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she had done it.  Yet, it seemed like a temptingly good idea tonight.

 

“Oh ,what the hell!”  She leaned over and impulsively picked out a bottle of French Merlot.  

 

She deposited the book and the wine on the small table in front of the couch and went into the kitchen to find a glass and the bottle opener. Back in the living room she approached the stereo and flicked through the rack of CD’s.  It took her several minutes before she pulled one out.  It was an album that Carrie had given her for Christmas.  It wasn’t her usual taste, she tended to more classical music, but Carrie had insisted she would like it.  She had in fact found, to her surprise, that she did, and it suited her mood at this particular moment.

 

She inserted the shiny disc in the player and pushed the play button.  The somber soul tones flooded from the speakers as she dropped into the softness of the sofa.  Curling her feet up beneath her, she pulled the blanket closer round her and reached for the bottle of wine.

******

John and Q looked up simultaneously as they heard the click of approaching heels on the linoleum.  It was Mike, but he had an air of uncertainty about him that threw John.  He stood as the doctor approached them.  However much he hated Kristen at the moment he didn’t want anything to happen to her.  He didn’t think he could live with that too.  Q remained seated, watching Mike with mild curiosity.

 

“What’s wrong Mike?”  John asked with concern.  “She *is* alright, isn’t she?”  Mike’s expression was one of bemusement.  He just didn’t get this.  Any of it.  John’s alternate moods where Kristen was concerned was the most intriguing aspect, but he supposed again that it wasn’t any of his business.  He was just the doctor, here to treat the patient.  And if the patient wasn’t willing to confide pertinent information, he couldn’t force it out of her.  

 

He shook his head in one succinct movement.  “Kristen is fine John.  In fact, we haven’t even had her down to the theatre.”  He rubbed his drawn face with his fingers.  “Look John, there’s something you should know.  Why don’t we sit down.”  He indicated to the chairs and then noticed Q, seemingly for the first time.  “Ah, do you want your friend to remain?”  John looked at Q and then shrugged his shoulders tiredly.  

 

“Sure.  Why not?”

 

Mike sat down and took a deep breath, attempting to gather his thoughts.

 

“John, we took Kristen down for a scan.  I told you that it was just a formality, but it showed something that we were not expecting at all.”  John raised his eyebrows inquiringly.  Mike shrugged his shoulders.  “She’s still carrying a baby.”  

 

John stared at him in astonishment for several seconds and then instinctively turned to Q with an accusing glare.

 

“Hey!  Don’t look at me.”  Q shook his head vigorously as if it would vindicate him.  “I had nothing to do with it.  I know nothing about it.”  He looked at Mike, his brow wrinkled in thought.  “Do you have any explanation for this, Doctor?”  Mike blinked and widened his eyes in surprise at the exchange between the two men.  He hadn’t thought it was possible to be any more confused than he already was.  He had been wrong.

 

“We’re pretty sure that Kristen was pregnant with twins.”

 

“But you did a scan only yesterday.”  John shook his head, trying to figure out what the hell was going on here.  “Wouldn’t twins have shown up then?”

 

“Not necessarily.”  Mike shook his head.  “See, sometimes in early pregnancy, scans can be confusing.  We think what happened was that one of the twins was quite a bit smaller than the other and was hidden behind the bigger one when we did the scan.  We’ve had a radiologist take a look at the pictures from yesterday and the indications are that that was the case.  It should have been picked up yesterday, but I guess we weren’t looking for it.”  He frowned.  “I’m sorry John.  It’s been a hell of a couple of days.”  He brushed his hair back of his forehead.  “Anyway, it appears that Kristen lost the smaller twin.  We didn’t pick it up on the monitors earlier on because it had a weak heartbeat.  The chances are she would have miscarried anyway, it wasn’t a healthy fetus.”

 

“The other one… the bigger one.  It is?”  John questioned dazedly.  “I mean, what’s the chance that she will miscarry that one too?”

 

“Well, considering the trauma she has sustained it’s a distinct possibility,” Mike admitted.  “But I promise you John, we’re doing everything we can to make sure it doesn’t happen.  We have her in intensive care at the moment, but we should be able to move her back up here in the morning.”  

 

John closed his eyes, a mass of conflicting emotions washing over him.  He only now realized the relief he had felt when Kristen had miscarried.  The relief that he would not be tied to her by the blood of their child for the rest of his life.  Now that had been reversed and he was not sure whether to feel angry or happy.  What he did feel, was numb.

 

“How is she?”  he asked quietly.

 

“She’s coping well with the news.  She’s still exhausted but she’s happy.”  Mike paused, not sure whether to impart the next piece of information.  “She’s been asking for Peter.”

 

“I’ll bet she has.”  Q murmured to himself.

 

“I’d better go now.  I’ve got a heap of paperwork to do before I go home tonight.”  Mike stood.  “I think perhaps it might be a good idea if you don’t see Kristen for a while John.  Just until things have settled down some.”  John nodded.  It wasn’t exactly a lot to ask at the moment.  He wasn’t even sure he could look at her right now without betraying his disgust for her.  Staying away from her wasn’t going to be the problem.  The problem was going to be when he had to *see* her again.  “I’ll call you and let you know how she’s doing if you like.” Mike offered.  

 

“Thanks Mike.”  John nodded and shook the doctor’s hand.  “Thanks for everything.”  

 

“No problem.”  Mike nodded and walked slowly away, his body betraying his weariness.

 

“Well, well, well.”  Q raised his eyebrows as he watched Mike go.  “It would appear that Ms. DiMera has pulled a rabbit out of that hat once again.”  John rounded on him.

 

“You better not have had anything to do with this Bradford or I swear I’ll…”

 

“You’ll what John?”  He grinned arrogantly.  “You’ve already proved that you are summarily helpless against me, *man* to *Q*.  But you can relax.  I had nothing to do with this little matter.”  

 

He looked thoughtful.  

 

“In fact, I rather fancy that the good doctor’s version of events happens to be how it actually occurred.”  He turned to look out of the window once again.  “Strange as it may seem.”  He lowered the tone of his voice and spoke slowly and deliberately, as though he was speaking his thoughts out loud.  “So now Kristen has her little miracle, the ball is back in our court.  The question is, how do return the volley?”  A slow smile spread across his features as he stretched large frame out on the chair.  “Ah, that would be the *backhander*.”

******

Marlena sat as still as stone in the darkened room.  The shimmering candlelight bounced off the walls and the fire gave an occasional crack as if to remind the occupant of the room that it was still alive and doing its job.  The book had slipped from Marlena’s lap and lay awkwardly on the floor, and she clutched the glass of wine tightly to her chest.  She had forgotten.  Forgotten this song.

 

Or maybe she hadn’t.  Maybe some part of her had subconsciously picked this disc.  Maybe some part of her, the part of her that so desperately wanted John in her life, wouldn’t let her forget.  The first time she had heard this song it had affected a part of her that she successfully kept hidden.  Most of the time.  Although, it seemed, not very successfully any longer.  

She closed her eyes tightly as the melody, the words, the pain resonated in her head.  She tried to shut them out, but she couldn’t.  She no longer had the strength to get up off the couch and turn the music off.  In truth she wasn’t sure if she wanted to.  It was so easy to give in.  

 

But it hurt so much. Un-break my heart, Say you’ll love me again.  Each word a penetrating reminder.   Undo this hurt that you caused when you walked out the door, and walked outta my life.  She whispered the words to herself as her heart ached with the days and years of pain.  Un-cry these tears, I cried so many nights.  Her grip on the wine glass became even tighter as she struggled with herself.  Un-break my heart, My heart.

 

A small tear escaped her eye and she let go of the glass with one hand to brush at it angrily.  She had promised herself that she wouldn’t cry any more over John.  The gesture was useless.  The first tear was followed by more.  They traced small, intimate paths over the contours of her face, and as fast as she wiped them away, they were replaced by their companions.  Take back that sad word good-bye, Bring back the joy to my life.  She gave up, letting the tears fall and took a large gulp of wine, gripping the glass firmly with both hands as if it would ward off the hurt.  Don’t leave me here with these tears, Come and kiss this pain away.  Another gulp of wine staved off the threatening sobs that she felt in her chest and her throat.  How was it possible to hurt this much and live through it?  She didn’t know.

 

Un-break my heart.   She threw her head back against the softness of the couch and let out a silent sob.  Undo this hurt.  How could she be strong?  How could she be true to herself when all she wanted was to be safe within John’s arms.  All she had to do was say the word.  Un-cry these tears.  It was *her* that had asked John to walk out that door.  *Told* John to walk out that door.  It would be so easy.  Un-break my heart.  So easy to give in to her heart.  My *heart*. 

 

Another gulp of her wine found the glass empty.  Don’t leave me in all this pain.  She reached for the bottle and refilled the glass, a stray tear splashing into the dark crimson liquid.  Don’t leave me out in the rain.  She took another mouthful, praying that it would soon dull her senses.  Bring back the nights when I held you beside me.

 

The lyrics continued to echo through the room as Marlena’s tears continued to fall, if anything with more strength and conviction than before.  Say you’ll love me again.  She had told Eugene that she was tired of fighting.  Maybe she had fought herself into a corner.  Un-cry these tears, I cried so many, many nights.  She just didn’t know any more.  She didn’t know anything.  Except that it hurt *so* much she couldn’t bear it.  She took another mouthful of wine.  The smooth liquid slipped easily down her throat.  Un-break my heart. She rocked back and forward, mouthing the words soundlessly. Sweet darlin’.  She had finally given in to the pain, the tears, the feelings that she didn’t want to experience. Without you I just can’t go on.  And she was being swept away on a tidal wave of tears and desolation.  Can’t go on….

******

John sat with his eyes closed.  He was so tired.  And somewhere within him, his soul ached.  He couldn’t deal with much more of this.  Sleep sounded like such a good idea.  As long as he didn’t wake up at the other end.

 

“John?”  Q’s voice intruded on John’s thoughts, and he sighed.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Do twins run in Kristen’s family?”  John paused for a moment and then opened his eyes.

 

“Not that I’m aware of.”

 

“Do they run in your family?”  Q asked, staring at John intensely.  John looked at him with a spark of interest in his eyes.

 

“I don’t know a hell of a lot about my *real* family Eugene, but as far as I know, no they don’t.”  He frowned.  “What are you trying to get at?”

 

Q raised his eyebrows and then leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.

 

“I was just wondering, that’s all.”

“Wondering about *what*?!”  John growled.  He was sick of having to drag information out of people.  It seemed that Eugene was ready to provide information only when it suited his game.

 

“Well, has it ever occurred to you John how strange, not to mention highly unusual it was that Kristen managed to get pregnant so soon after her miscarriage.  I mean, I wouldn’t imagine, with her supposedly *delicate*, and of course, *fake* pregnancy that you were going at it like rabbits in Paris.”  John’s glare warned him not to take the imagery any further.  He grinned, knowing that he had gotten under John’s skin once again.  It was currently the only thing that was making any of this bearable.

 

“Kristen told me that she fell pregnant when we made love on our return from Paris.”  His shoulders slumped betraying the utter tiredness and emptiness he felt.  “I must admit I did think it was a little odd.”

 

“As usual, the understatement of the century.”  Q replied with sarcasm.  “Have you ever stopped to consider the fact that she may have been lying?  After all, she is a DiMera and as you have so recently managed to finally work out, she’s a manipulative, lying tramp.”

 

John looked at him speculatively.

 

“What exactly are you suggesting?”  Q rolled his eyes.

 

“Do I *have* to spell it out for you?”

 

“Looks like it.”  John said irritably.

 

“Alright then.  If you insist.”  Q sighed theatrically.  “I suppose it was a bit too much to ask, hoping you’d figure it out yourself.”  He snapped his fingers with a flourish, disappearing only to reappear standing in front of John.  “The child that Kristen is carrying.  You have to consider that she may have misrepresented it’s *parentage*.  Of course it’s a possibility that Kristen herself is unsure of the true nature of the fetus she carries within her.”

 

“Do you know something you’re not telling me?”  John questioned quickly, his mind spinning.

 

“Maybe.” Q smiled mysteriously.  “Maybe not.  Whatever the truth, you have to find it out for yourself.”  

 

He walked around behind John’s chair and leaned over the back of it, bringing his lips close to John’s ears.  His voice lowered to a subtle whisper.  “You could be *free* of her John.  If she’s been lying to you…”

 

John’s eyes suddenly gleamed with hope.

 

“Mike said… Mike said that she was out of her first trimester!”  He jumped out of his seat and turned around to face Q.  “Yesterday.  He told me that yesterday.  I’d forgotten…. after everything that happened.  That would mean that she got pregnant while we were still in Paris.”  He looked at Q, eyes wide.  “I couldn’t be the father.  We never made love in Paris.”

 

“Well then.”  Q raised his eyebrows suggestively.

 

John suddenly closed his eyes and reached for the chair to steady himself.  Images assaulted his mind.  Images of he and Marlena in bed in Paris.  He had almost forgotten those dreams.  They had been so vivid, almost like they were real.  But he knew they hadn’t been.  Absently he wondered why they should come to mind now.  He supposed that it must have been the talk about Paris in combination with the events of the last few days.  He really needed some sleep.  But first he had to find Mike.

 

He turned swiftly and practically ran down the corridor.  Q watched him go, a satisfied smile on his face. “Well thanks Q.”  He said to himself.  “That’s okay John.  No problem.  *Any time*.”  He watched John’s figure round the corner and his smile faded into a recondite seriousness.  “But you blow it again John Black and you’d better not expect me to be around to help you.”

Chapter 32 – Memoirs of Merlot

I have seen thy heart to-day,

   Never open to the crowd,

While to love me aye and aye

   Was the vow as it was vowed

By thine eyes of steadfast grey.

 

Now I sit alone, alone –

   And the hot tears break and burn.

Now Belovëd, thou art gone,

   Doubt and terror have their turn.

Is it love that I have known?

 

Proof and Disproof 

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Q opened the door noiselessly.  It was close to three in the morning, so he was surprised and a little dismayed when he saw the glimmer of firelight and heard the low, sweet melody that filled the room to its corners.  He scanned the room, his eyes stopping at the couch where Marlena sat.  Her knees were pulled up against her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around herself.  Her face was hidden somewhere beneath the blonde hair that cascaded untidily over her immoving form.  

 

As Q neared her he noticed the bottle on the table.  It was nearly empty.  The glass lay on its side, glistening droplets soaking one by one into the spreading crimson stain on the carpet.  He paused, considering his options.  They ran out as Marlena looked up at him.  Her pale face, haunted by the candlelight, bore signs of the recent tears which she hastily brushed away.

 

“Yes?” she snapped uncharacteristically.  “Did you want something?”  Q moved quickly to the foot of the couch and knelt on the ground before her.  

 

“Marlena?”  He wasn’t quite sure what to say to her.  He had never seen her like this before and it unnerved him.

 

“Oh, for God’s sake Eugene!”  She rolled her eyes.  “Don’t look at me like that.  I’m not about to die.”

 

“Perhaps not,” Q answered quietly as he moved closer to her.  “But I *am* worried about you.”

 

“Well don’t bother,” Marlena said harshly, turning away.

 

“Why would I not bother?” Q asked, a little confused.

 

“Why *would* you?”  Marlena’s voice had a blurred quality, like it was being filtered through several layers of fine muslin.  “It’s pretty obvious.” 

 

“What’s obvious?” Q asked gently.  

Marlena turned back to him, and he recoiled slightly as he recognized the look in her eyes.   It was the same look that had haunted his eyes the last time he had been thrown out of the Continuum, forced to live out his days among the humans of the 24th century.  It was a fierce self-loathing and it shocked him to see it coming from the one person he cared for above all others.

 

“Marlena….”

 

“There’s no point ‘Gene.”  Her bottom lip trembled, and a tear found its way through the barrier of her lashes.  “It’s hopeless.  *I’m* hopeless.”

“That’s *not* true!”  Q averred.

 

“Of course it is!”  Marlena unintentionally raised her voice slightly.  “I’m a *hopeless* mother.  I’ve ruined Samantha’s life.  I’m hardly ever there for Belle.  Or Brady.  I was a hopeless wife.  I couldn’t stay faithful to Roman, and I ruined his life, for nothing.  I can’t hold onto my patients ‘cos I keep *disappearing*.”  She raised her hand unsteadily to stop Q’s unformed sentence.  “NO ‘Gene.  I’m *pathetic*.”

 

Q frowned.   He had to do something to snap her out of this self-pitying frame of mind and he had to do it fast.

 

“Marlena you are *not* pathetic and you are not hopeless.”

 

“I *am*.”  Marlena’s mouth formed a small but perfect pout.  “That’s why I can’t hold onto John.”  She wiped at the tear that tickled her jawline.  “I don’t deserve him.”

 

“*You* don’t deserve *him*?”  Q asked in genuine astonishment.  “Marlena my dear, I think you have things a little back to front.”

 

“Oh, what would you know?”  Marlena asked angrily.  “I mean where have you been that you know what I deserve?”  Her anger and frustration, so recently inwardly focused found another target and it began to sway outward.  “Where were *you* when I needed a f-f-, a friend huh?  Off becoming a *god*.  Well *thanks* a *bunch* Eugene.”  

 

She swung her legs off the couch and grabbed the armrest to steady herself as her head began to spin.

 

“Marlena, that’s hardly fair.”  He put his hand out to help her as she stood but she brushed him away abruptly.

 

“Oh not *another* man talking about what’s fair.  *Life’s* not fair Eugene.  It’s bloody, patently *unfair* and I wish everyone would stop pretending otherwise.”  She walked with small, faltering steps to the fire, one hand clutching the blanket to her, the other half of it dragging on the ground behind her.  Reaching the fire, she knelt before it and hefted another log onto the embers.  Her eyes glazed over as she watched the flames welcome the new piece of wood.  Leaning on her hands she took a deep breath and shook her head gingerly.  “It stinks.  It stinks and I’m just sick of it all.”  

 

Q crawled over to where she hunched in front of the flames.

 

“Then let me help you.”

“I don’t *want* your help.”  Marlena shook his arm from around her.  “I don’t want anybody’s help.  I just want you to leave me *alone*.”  Her voice trailed off into a quiet, plaintive echo.  “I just want to be alone,”

 

“Oh, I see.” As much as he adored Marlena, Q’s patience was wearing thin.  “You just want to lie here, get even more drunk and wallow in your self-pity.” 

 

Marlena glared at him.

 

“If you say so.”  she said, her words becoming noticeably indistinct.  “After all, you’re *always* right *Mr. Q*.  How could I possibly argue with a god?”  Q sighed.

 

“Marlena, you’re being obtuse and argumentative.  There *is* no point in arguing with *you* when you’re in this state.”

 

“*Fine*!  Then why don’t you go to bed.  And leave me alone to be miserable.”  She stared at him; her eyes still full of the self-hatred that he couldn’t bear to see.  “And drunk and self-pitying.  Okay?”

 

She made an attempt to stand, but before she got off her knees she overbalanced and fell heavily onto Q.  He wisely made no comment but helped her back into a sitting position.

 

“Marlena, I have no bed, remember?”  With all the children in the penthouse, Q had graciously given up the guest room to Sami, offering to create himself a bed in the living room.

 

“Oh.”  Marlena’s voice wavered and with it, some of her anger dissipated.  “I forgot.”

 

“Yes, well,” he smiled at her with a hint of the Q cheekiness creeping into his grin, “It makes it kind of difficult to go to bed when you’re sitting on it.”

 

“Sitting on what?”  Marlena asked uncomprehendingly.

 

“My bed, the couch.”  He waved his hand at it, attempting to suppress his amusement.

 

“Whaddare you laughing at?”  Marlena demanded indignantly and she attempted to brush the hair out of her eyes.

 

“Nothing.”  Q shook his head quickly, his smile almost under wraps.  “Nothing at all.”

 

“You’re laughing at *me* aren’t you?” she declared loudly.  “What’s so damn funny?”  She attempted to blow away the annoying strand of hair that remained attached to her eyelash.

 

“I am *not* laughing at you.”  Q lied.  He reached out and brushed away the offending hair for her.  “And perhaps you could talk a little more softly.  You wouldn’t want to wake the children.”

 

“No.”  Marlena whispered loudly, shaking her head vigorously so that her hair fell about her face again.  She groaned as the room reeled before her.  “Oh ‘Gene, stop moving the room.  Please.”

 

Q looked at her, one eyebrow raised.  

 

“The room is perfectly still Marlena.”  Her suspicious look made him want to laugh again but he quelled it.

 

“Guess I need another drink.”  Marlena decided with a husky voice.  She made another attempt to rise but was stayed by Q’s hand on her arm.

 

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Q asked with unusual solemness.

 

“Nope.”  Marlena shook her head with surety.

 

“Well I think you have,” Q told her, his face set in lines of concern.

 

“Oh, is *that* right?”  Marlena replied defiantly.  “And who said that it was any of your business how much I have to drink?”

 

“No-one.”  Q replied.  He looked into her eyes and saw the seemingly endless pain she was suffering, and his heart ached for her.  It was a feeling he was so unused to.  “But as your friend, as someone who cares for you very much, I’m telling you, I think you’ve had enough.”

 

Marlena only looked at him as his words cut through the fog created by the alcohol, that sat around her soul.  Something about his concern for her touched her more deeply than either of them could have expected.  

 

Suddenly the music caught her attention.  Through the end I gave you my best, you gave, you gave me loneliness.  Uncontrollably her beautiful hazel eyes filled again, and she slapped her hands over her face, not wanting Eugene to see her crying, yet again.

 

Q, implicitly understanding her motives, pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.

 

“It’s going to be alright Marlena,” he whispered into her hair as his heart ached for her pain and for himself.  “I promise you.  It’ll be alright.”  He felt her head shake and then she looked up at him, her breath coming in short, choking sobs.

 

“It won’t be alright Eugene.  It can’t possibly *ever* be alright again.”  Another sob shook her.  “Oh God!  I can’t …I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.”  She looked at him with dark, desperate eyes.  “Make the pain go away Eugene.  You can do that can’t you?”  Her tone was imploring.  “Please.  I can’t do this anymore.”  Her hands, balled into tight fists, clutched at his shirt.  “It’s killing me ‘Gene.  I can’t *live*…with this.”

 

Q closed his eyes in a defensive panic.  He couldn’t do what she asked.  Literally he could but he would only be putting off the inevitable.  As much as he wanted to spare her this pain, sooner or later she would have to deal with these feelings.  And if he put it off for her it could destroy any chance she had of sorting things out with John.  Slowly he opened his eyes and looked at her.

“I can’t.”  He shook his head.  

 

Marlena, having fought her own battle, faced him with acceptance.

“I know,” she nodded.  He gave her a watery smile and hugged her close again as the tears slowed.

 

It seemed eons later in the silent, dark room that he picked her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs to the bedroom.  He could have just taken her there in a flash but somehow, he selfishly wanted to relish the moment just a little longer.  

He laid her on the bed and helped her off with her robe before pulling the duvet over her.  She looked up at him, her eyes tired but still beautiful.

 

“Thank you,” she said softly, the effects of the wine still evident in her inflections.  “You’re a good friend.”

 

“You’re welcome.”  Q smiled, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners.  Thoughtfully he brushed at the golden hair that graced her forehead and then leaned over and planted a soft kiss there.  “Sleep well.”

 

“Where are you going?”  Marlena asked the question quickly and with the hint of fear that laced her voice.

 

“To my bed, on the couch.”

 

“Don’t go.”  Marlena caught his hand in hers, her eyes beseeching.

 

“I’m sorry?”  Q swallowed hard, his stomach churning in unanticipated nervousness.

 

“I can’t sleep alone.  Could you stay here with me?  Just hold me.”   She looked at him apologetically.  “I just need to know that there’s *someone* who cares about me in this world tonight.”

 

Q knew he couldn’t refuse her.  He slipped under the covers and against his better judgment, held her as she settled against him.

 

“Thanks ‘Gene,” she said sleepily.

 

“Any time,” he answered, wide awake.

 

“A girl couldn’t wish for a better friend,” she smiled at him almost shyly.  On impulse, she reached up to kiss his cheek.  

 

Drawing back slightly she was aware of her heart beating faster.  She ran her palm down Q’s cheek and drew her finger across his bottom lip.  Q lay frozen in the darkness, his heart pounding like a drum in his chest.  Not quite knowing what she was doing, or if it was a good idea, Marlena leaned closer until Q could feel her hot, moist breath against his cheek.  The first touch of her soft lips on his shocked him but he quickly surrendered to the sublime feeling.  Marlena buried her fingers in his closely cropped hair and twined her free arm around him.

 

She was surprised and a little put out when he breathlessly pushed her away.

 

“What did you do that for?” she demanded.

 

“I could ask you the same question,” Q replied, trying to school his mortal body and mind back to some semblance of composure.  Marlena didn’t answer his question but only stared at the ceiling.

 

“I’m sorry Marlena,” he sighed, “but you weren’t kissing me.  I couldn’t take advantage of that.”

 

“Of course I was kissing you,” she returned defensively.

 

“No, you weren’t,” Q said softly.  “Not in your heart you weren’t.”

Marlena remained silent for several moments and then turned back to him.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said simply.

 

“It’s okay,” Q affirmed.

 

“You’re still my friend?” A small, plaintive question.

 

“Of course I am.”  Q hugged her to him again.”  I will always be your friend.”  

 

There was no further answer, only the sound of sweet, regular breaths as Marlena slept.  Q, however, lay with her in his arms and tried to imagine he was having one continuous, very long, very cold shower.

******

Marlena wasn’t quite sure what woke her.  It could have been the sun streaming through the window, the dull, painful throb in her head or the violent churning of her stomach.  Or it could have been a mixture of all three.  Whatever it was, she wished it hadn’t.

 

She moaned as she opened her eyes to an assault by the bright winter sunlight.  She felt like death warmed over and now she remembered why she avoided drinking.  Several moments of orientation to her surroundings resulted in flashes of the previous night and with a gasp she rolled over.  When the room had stopped spinning, she discovered that the other half of the bed was empty.

 

It did though, bear signs of recent occupation and Marlena tried desperately to reconstruct the events of the recent past in her mind.  It was reasonably coherent up until she had kissed him.  And *that* she could remember with startling and embarrassing clarity.  It was everything *after* that she was having trouble with.

 

She touched her lips unconsciously as she remembered how she had kissed her closest friend.  As much as she desperately hoped nothing else had happened, she couldn’t deny to herself that she had enjoyed those few moments.  There was obviously a hidden side to Eugene Bradford.  A weak smile flitted across her face at the irony of it all.   

 

With a sigh she climbed out of bed, careful not to make any sudden movements that might exacerbate her aching head.  She made it to the closet and pulled out a thick toweling robe which she wrapped around herself closing out the chill of the winter air.  Turning around she faced her visage in the mirror and groaned.  She looked almost as bad as she felt.  The lack of sleep was starting to tell, and her face was an unhealthy shade of somewhere on the white side of pale.  She pulled a brush quickly through her hair and grimaced at herself.

 

She opened the door and grinned as snatches of childish laughter wended their way up and over the landing.  When she was halfway down the stairs she saw why.  Belle was dressed in an exquisite fairy costume, a bodice of pale blue satin and a skirt of layered tulle and organza with dainty blue satin slippers gracing her tiny feet.  Ribbons were woven through her hair and hung from the wand with a small, sparkling star on the end.  Finally, a set of entirely too-real looking wings graced her back.  Brady was dressed in a miniature Peter Pan suit that molded to his tiny body perfectly.  He had a pair of green booties and a tiny green hat with a feather to match the rest of the outfit.  Marlena sank down onto the staircase and grasped the bars of the banister.  

 

Q sat on the floor as the children climbed over him.  They were all laughing, and she didn’t know why it made her feel so sad. 

 

“Do it again ‘Gee!”  Belle begged.

 

“Yeah!”  Brady agreed with his sister.

 

“I think that depends.  Belle, do you promise that this time you won’t try and hit Brady with your wand?”  Q asked the little girl with a smile.  Belle nodded her head with all the solemnity she could produce on this exciting occasion.  Q regarded her for a moment and then nodded his head with a grin.  “Alright then.  As long as you *both* behave yourselves.  If not, you’re coming straight back down.”  Both the children nodded again, and Q snapped his fingers.

 

To Marlena’s amazement, the wings on Belle’s back began to flutter.  As the movement built, the tiny child began lifting off the ground to hover in the air.  Brady laughed as he began to follow her up.  Belle squealed with delight as she looked back down at Eugene.  

 

“Higher!”  she called as she waved the wand round in circles.  Brady had already surpassed her on his way to the ceiling and he began to make wide lazy loops of the room.  Belle followed him, giggling all the while, her wings disturbing the balmy warmth that had risen to the top of the room.

 

Belle suddenly spied her mother on the staircase and came soaring over the banister to hover two feet in front of her.

 

“Momma!”  she shouted, “Look!  I’s a faiwy.”  Brady, who had followed her, seated himself on the banister. 

 

“And I’m Peter Pan!” he told her proudly.  Marlena smiled at them.

 

“Oh my, I can see that.”  She held her arms open.  “Do I get a hug from my flying twosome?”  The children hurled themselves into her arms and when she looked up, Q stood several steps below her.

“Good morning, Marlena.”  He greeted her with a knowing smile which made her color slightly.

“Good morning, Eugene,” she returned.  She looked back at the children who were now standing safely on terra firma.  “So have you two been having a good time with Eugene?”  The children launched into a detailed explanation of the mornings activities while Marlena patiently listened.  Q stood back and watched the proceedings with his usual detached amusement.  When they had finished, she sent them to get changed but only after Q had promised them that they could keep their new costumes.

 

When they had gone Marlena, with Q’s aid, stood and made her way down to the living room.  A slight wince was all that gave away the pain of the hangover she was suffering.  Q caught it and sat her down gently on the couch.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“Like hell,” Marlena answered with honesty.

 

“I was intending to bring you up some breakfast in a few minutes.”  He smiled at her.  “After I had finished with the children.”  Marlena felt ill at the mere mention of food but still, she looked at him with appreciation.

 

“Thank-you for entertaining the children.”  She grinned at the memory of Belle’s pixie face surrounded by fair hair and ribbons.  “That was quite some show you put on there.”  Q’s return smile was surprisingly humble.

 

“It was nothing.  They are quite pleasant company.  For human children.”  Q had never been exceedingly keen on infants but since his early mishap with Belle, he had grown rather attached to the child, and by default, Brady.

 

Noting Marlena’s ashen face, he snapped his fingers and a tray of breakfast deposited itself on the table in front of her. He saw her slight grimace and he picked up the glass and handed it to her.

“At least try some of my freshly squeezed orange juice,” he entreated, “guaranteed perfection.”  Marlena inclined her head slightly and took it from his hands.  It was the only things she could stomach the thought of at the moment.

 

She took several small sips and then turned to Q.

“Eugene… about last night… I wasn’t very fair to you.”

 

“No need to worry about it, it’s forgotten already,” Q replied quickly, hoping his pallor didn’t give away the fact that he had hardly slept at all.

 

“I…,” she faltered, not quite knowing how to broach the subject, “I’m sorry if my kissing you placed you in an awkward position.”  Q grinned.  She’d never know just how true those words were.

 

“It was nothing Marlena.  Really.  I’m just glad that you understood why I stopped you when I did.”  He took her hand in his.  “I’d hate for anything to come between us you know.”  

 

Marlena looked at him uncertainly and then back at her hand in his.

 

“What’s wrong Marlena?”  Q asked gently.  Marlena sighed.  There was no way around it.

“‘Gene.  Exactly *what* point *did* you stop me?” she asked in a small voice.

 

“You don’t remember?”  Q couldn’t help the small laugh that burst from his throat.  “Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”  He smiled and patted her hand comfortingly.  “You have nothing to worry about Marlena.  There is nothing more to remember than your kiss, exquisite as it was.”  Marlena stared at her orange juice and then placed it back on the table.  Q reached out and gently turned her head with his finger until she was looking at him.  “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

 

“I-”  She tried to speak but Q put his finger to her lips to quiet her.

 

“I don’t want you giving it another thought, you have more important things to worry about.”

******

John paced the floor of the lift and looked at the phone for what seemed like the thousandth time.  He consulted his watch again and then resumed his pacing.  After some time, he finally gave in and picked up the receiver.

******

The shrill of the phone brought Marlena back with a start.  Q was in the kitchen, and she absently picked the receiver up before she thought about it.  “Hello?”

 

“Doc?”  Marlena’s heart gave a resounding thump as she heard John’s voice on the other end of the phone.  She hated the way her body responded to merely the thought of him.  “Doc, are you there?”

 

“I’m here.” Her voice was cold, and it struck John again how serious she was about this.  His resolve faltered for a moment but then steeled for the battle.  “Did you want something?”

 

“I…I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”  His soft, caring voice made her want to cry again, but this time she refused herself and took a deep breath.

 

“I’m fine.  Now if there’s nothing else John, I have things to do.”

 

“No.  Don’t go yet Marlena.”  His voice was imploring.  “Can’t we talk about this?”  

 

Marlena’s grip on the receiver tightened until her knuckles were white.  She tried to calm herself, to smooth away her anger and her need before she spoke again.  “I thought I made myself clear to you the other day John.  There’s nothing left to talk about.”

 

“Marlena, I can’t just accept that it’s over.  Please.  I need something to hold onto.”

 

“Why don’t you hold onto Kristen, after all, you’re so good at it.”  Marlena couldn’t help her sarcasm.  It came out of the pain and bitterness she had been suppressing for years now. 

“It’s over between Kristen and I,” John said quietly.

 

“Oh I certainly hope that it wasn’t on account of *me*,” Marlena shot back.  “I’d hate to think of you, going *without*.”

 

“Look.  I know I deserve your anger and your accusations, but I do love you Doc and however long it takes, I’m gonna prove that to you.”  The sincerity in John’s statement threw Marlena and she didn’t have a reply for him.  “Well, I’m glad you’re doing okay.  Give my love to the children.  I love you, Marlena.”  John pushed the off button on his phone and smiled with satisfaction.  

 

At the penthouse Marlena slammed the phone back down in its cradle and ran her fingers through her hair.  She’d let him get to her again.

 

“Damn him.  DAMN HIM!”  Her palm crack on the surface of the table brought Q out of the kitchen with a worried look on his face.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I’m *fine*,” Marlena muttered.  “I’m going to get changed.”

*******

John sat back on the couch and added another item to his growing list.  He threw it down on the seat and thought back to the previous night.  It was frustrating having to wait so long.  Mike had agreed that Kristen could have tests to determine the paternity of the child but only on the condition that she agreed.  John was sure she would.  If she thought the child was his.  If she refused the test, well, he would know that there was a large possibility it wasn’t.  In that case he would take further steps if the need arose.

 

The other condition attached was that the tests would not take place for two months.  Amniocentesis, said Mike, presented a very small chance of miscarriage in the case of each test.  In Kristen’s condition the chances would be greatly increased.  There was no reason in his view to take a risk like that in this case.  So, they would wait until Kristen’s pregnancy was far enough advanced that the baby was out of immediate danger.  John had grudgingly agreed that this was the best option.  However desperately he wanted to know there was no point in putting a child’s life in undue danger.  He would wait.

 

And while he waited, he would take every opportunity that came his way to win Marlena back.  And he was determined that that is what he would do.  It had taken him a long time, but he had finally realized that no-one could take her place.  However much he had tried to deny it, she was the only woman who could set him free.  The only one who could break down the prison he had created around himself.  He needed her more than anything in the world.  He needed her to love again.  And he needed her to live again.

******

The following days stretched out.  For Marlena each sunrise followed long, lonely nights and the days seemed to meld into one another.  When she wasn’t in her office, catching up on work, she was with Eugene and the children, trying to live as normal a life as possible.  Sami and Will had settled into the penthouse without a hitch and although their relationship still had its moments, Marlena was thankful for Sami’s presence.  Still, she thought it strange, that even in the midst of a home bustling with life and laughter, she felt more alone than she possibly ever had.

 

She knew though, that she couldn’t have survived this without Eugene.  He had taken over the running of the household, organizing meals as well as the children.  He had again become her closest friend and her confidant in a matter of weeks, and she found herself wishing, not for the first time that he had been here when she had first returned to Salem.  Maybe he could have helped her see a different way.

 

But then it was no use wasting time on regrets now.  Now was the time for moving on with her life and move on was what she intended to do.  It was a Saturday morning, and the snow was entrapping the city in its glacial grip once again.  Marlena had woken early from a restless sleep and had crept quietly down the stairs, careful not to wake the children, or Q.  Each night he fashioned a makeshift bed in the living room and this morning she paused to watch him sleep with a loving smile on her face.

 

She made her way through the kitchen, switching on the jug as she went and then remembering the paper, went to the front door.  Opening it, her eye was caught by a tiny package that sat on the doorstep.  She picked the package and the paper up and went back inside.  She sank onto the bottom step of the staircase with a mixture of apprehension and anticipation.

 

The tiny box was covered with gold foil and held together by a dark blue silk ribbon tied in a bow.  There was no label to indicate who it was for, so Marlena slowly pulled on the end of the ribbon, freeing it from its knotted confines.  Dropping the ribbon onto the ground, she pulled the two halves of the box apart and gave a slight moan as she saw the contents.  In a cushion of dark blue silk lay a gold charm.  It was a heart, inlaid with a tiny but perfect diamond.

 

Out of the top half of the box came fluttering a small piece of paper.  Marlena unfolded it and immediately recognized John’s handwriting.

 

Doc,

 

I know you’re angry at me.  You have every right to be. 

But I love you lady, and I’m not willing to let you go 

without a fight. 

 

I’ll love you Marlena

Always

 

John

 

With a supreme effort, Marlena folded the piece of paper back into its original form and placed it back in the lid which she slipped back onto the box.  With shaking hands, she tied the ribbon back into a bow and then putting the box down on the step beside her, she placed her face in her palms and began to cry.

Chapter 33 – Opposition

Q awoke to darkness and the sound of stifled weeping.  He knew it well by now, but it pained him, as ever, to hear it.  As his eyes became adjusted to the semi-darkness, he spied Marlena sitting on the bottom level of the staircase.  He swung his legs out of the bed and quietly made his way to the source of the sound.  As he neared her, he saw the little package of gold sitting at her feet.  The facts came together quickly, and he lowered himself onto the step next to Marlena, wrapping his arms comfortingly around her as he had so many times in the past week.

******

Sami awoke early, even earlier than her son.  She was unsure what had woken her, but a sense of unease hung around her like an invisible veil.  Will lay safe and sound asleep in his crib but after checking on him, Sami couldn’t seem to find sleep again.  Finally, she slipped out of bed and throwing a robe on she padded her way towards the stairs, intending to make herself a cup of tea.

 

She stopped on the landing as she heard both her mother’s tears and saw Q comforting Marlena.  Instinctively she knew that this was the source of her unease.  Eugene’s familiarity with her mom was disturbing to her.  Intellectually Sami knew that Marlena needed a friend to help and guide her through this time and she also knew that she was too involved in the situation to be that friend.  Since she had finally accepted John again her energies and expectations had been focused on the idea of Marlena and John finally being together and creating the family for Belle that Sami had never been able to have.   Still, it seemed to her that the dependence that Marlena was developing on Eugene Bradford was neither healthy nor helpful.

 

As she stood frowning on the landing, it seemed that Eugene sensed her presence and he turned to look at her.  Marlena was still oblivious to everything but her own emotions as Q beckoned to Sami to come down.  She reluctantly made her way down the stairs till she was standing on the other side of her mother.  He motioned for her to sit down and, almost as if he had known what the young girl was thinking, Eugene peeled himself away from Marlena.  He waited till Sami had placed her arms protectively round her mother and then he put the small package on her lap before he made his way unobtrusively to the kitchen.

 

“Mom?”  Sami brushed Marlena’s hair behind her ear with a nervous finger.  Marlena had always been the one in control, the one who knew what to do.  That was one of the things that had made her so easy to blame all these years.  But now she seemed more unsure, more frightened of her future than Sami ever had, and Sami wasn’t sure she was ready for the role of comforter.  What answers could she give her mother if *she* couldn’t find them?  

 

“Mom, what’s wrong?”  She looked at the tiny, gilded box which sat on her knee.  There was no answer from Marlena.  “Is it this present?  Is that what’s upset you?”  She practically whispered the question as if the impact would somehow be lessened if her voice was softer.  A small nod gave her the answer she needed.  “Mom do you mind if I open it?”  

 

There was no movement for a moment and then Marlena moved away slightly.

 

“Go ahead.”  Her voice sounded like it bore the weariness of the world.  Sami wondered again how much she was sleeping lately.  The circles under her eyes told a different story than the one she gave out.

 

“Are you sure?”  Sami asked, afraid that she had unwittingly offended Marlena.

 

“Sure.  Yeah.”  Marlena nodded her head, wiping away the last of the tears.  Suddenly she felt tired and a little foolish.  She had to stop these episodes.  She was losing control of her emotions and it scared her.  

 

Always in the past she had been able to lock away the worst parts of her life.  She hadn’t been able or willing to break down in front of others.  *Especially* not her children.  They had been through so much and she had made it a point of being strong in front of them.  She had saved her tears for the early hours of the morning when she was alone, and she could let go of her emotions without fear of reprisal.  But now, now she seemed to have no control over herself, over the way she reacted.  

 

Even the most trivial things could release her tears and she found herself moody and morose much of the time.  She hated it and she knew that Belle and Brady could sense that things were wrong, but she just couldn’t seem to get a grip on her feelings anymore.  She was becoming more and more distanced from herself and the only thing keeping her feet on the ground at the moment was the children and Eugene.  Without them she seriously doubted she’d be in one piece.

 

She looked over at Sami and saw her twisting the charm thoughtfully between her thumb and forefinger.  Marlena’s heart jumped as she saw it again.  It said so many things to her, but mostly it said that she wasn’t sure that she could resist John’s advances, however much she wanted to.  

 

A noise caught her attention and she looked up to see Q coming out of the kitchen with three cups.  She smiled at him gratefully as he handed her the warm china mug.  He gave one to Sami and took the third one for himself.   He sat back down on the step, next to Marlena and looked with interest at the tiny golden heart.

 

“Nice little trinket,” he said, his casual manner belying the tension he felt emanating from the two women.

 

“It *is* lovely.”  Sami was tentative, not sure of the reaction she would get.  

 

It was much as she expected.

 

“I don’t want it.”  Marlena stood up quickly and walked into the living room, as if to get away from the object.  “Sami can you send it back to John please.”

 

“But Mom….”

 

“Please.  Please don’t argue with me Sami.  I can’t manage that right now.”  She turned to the two on the step, her eyes pleading as she clung onto the mug, as though for her life.  “I just want that out of my house, and I’d appreciate it if you could do that for me honey.”

 

Sami, seeing how much pain it was causing her mother, readily agreed.  She began to wrap the box, as Marlena had done earlier.  Q only watched, his face impassive.  He had no blithe comment, no witty remark to throw out as he usually did, however inappropriate the moment.  He only saw Marlena’s sad, lifeless eyes and wondered if he was doing the right thing.

******

John opened the door of the loft to the messenger.  His heart fell a little as he saw the small package the boy held in his hands.  A quick scrawled signature later, John tore at the brown paper that surrounded the box and saw that his fears were well founded.  He opened the small envelope that accompanied the box and his eyes fell on Sami’s neat writing.

 

John, 

 

Mom asked me to send this back to you. 

 

I think it was a nice idea, but she’s still pretty cut up over what’s happened.  I know you love her.  It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with that so this is really hard.  I think you should leave her alone for a while.  She is really hurting and things like this just make it worse.  

 

By the way – I thought that maybe if you wanted to take Belle and Brady for the day that you could arrange it through me.  I think it would be best for now.

 

Don’t give up John.  I know she loves you.

 

So do I.

Sami

John felt the hot tears burning his eyes.  A mixture of pride, pain and loss evoked them.  He didn’t want to hurt Marlena again.  That was the last thing he wanted to do.  But if he gave up now, even if it was only a breather, she might think he had given up on her all together.  He couldn’t take that risk.  He had to let her know how much he needed her and how much he intended to win her back. 

 

He put the gift down on the counter and pulled his jacket off the back of the chair.  He had some things to organize before he went to bury himself in his work at the office.

******

Peter sat by Kristen’s bed, his mind working in its twisted little circles.  He was waiting for Kristen to finish in the bathroom so they could continue their discussion.  She wasn’t long and she climbed awkwardly back into the bad, holding her stomach protectively.  Since she had been given the news by Mike that she was still carrying a child she had been careful not to do anything that might jeopardize her pregnancy.

 

She had been as surprised as anyone else when Mike had shown her the child on the screen.  It had taken a few minutes for the news to sink in but when it had she couldn’t have been happier.  It was almost as if she had been given a second chance.  A chance to get John back and create a family with him and their child.  And she was convinced that she would get him back.  It would just take a little manipulation.

 

The news that Peter had imparted several minutes ago had been a surprise but as she had thought it over, she hadn’t been so surprised after all.  John no longer trusted her, and it stood to reason that he might doubt that the child she carried was his.  Kristen had no such doubt.  The baby was John’s and when he found that out he would know that she was telling the truth.  He would realize that he couldn’t leave her and their child.  He would realize that she truly was the only one for him.

 

“So, what else do you have to tell me?” she asked in a low, satisfied voice.  Peter smiled at her.  Anyone else would have been shattered by the news that she had just been given.  But not his Krissy.  Anyone else would probably think she was delusional in her faith that she would soon have John Black back in her arms.  He had no doubt that what Kristen wanted, Kristen would get.  She was one of the family after all.

 

“It would seem that John sent a package to Marlena this morning.”  He lifted his eyebrows, a small smile ghosting his lips.  “And it appears that she sent it straight back to him.”

 

Kristen arched one eyebrow.

 

“Is that right?”  She smiled a wicked smile.  “It seems I did my job even better than I thought.”

 

“We can’t just rely on that Sis.”  Peter told her.  “If John carries on with the gift thing, he’s bound to wear her down sooner or later.”

 

“So, what then?”  Kristen looked thoughtful.  

 

“Deliberate interference.”  Peter stated assuredly.  “We are going to have to fabricate some misunderstandings between John and Marlena.”

 

“And the children,” Kristen added.  “She’d never forgive him for upsetting the children.  Stupid bitch.”  The last comment was mustered with all the bitterness Kristen harbored.  And there was a lot of it.  That cow had stolen her fiancée and now one of her children.  And Kristen was going to make her pay.  Big time.

******

John stopped in his footsteps as he rounded the corner.  His heart beat faster and he suddenly felt as if his red polo-neck was constricting the breath out of him.  He absently tugged at the neckline as he watched the scene across the course way of Salem Place.  His tiny Belle was dressed gorgeously in a scarlet woolen coat with a matching beret and black patent shoes.  She held her mother’s hand and looked up at her with adoring eyes and a large smile.  Marlena herself was laughing as she turned to the man by her side.  Q stood at the shop window pointing out something to the small boy that rode piggy-back behind him.  Brady, dressed almost as beautifully as his sister, buried his face in Q’s broad shoulder and giggled.   Sami stood a few meters ahead of them, with Will in a brightly colored stroller.  She too wore an amused smile as she watched her family.

 

John felt an uncontrollable surge of jealousy.  He clenched his jaw and tried to resist the urge to go and strangle the life out of Bradford.  What John felt was not only envy at Q’s place in what he considered *his* family, but also a fear that the other might be usurping his place in his children’s, and in Marlena’s heart.  

 

She looked so beautiful.  Even from a distance he could see how the cold had bitten at her cheeks and nose, whipping them into a delicious shade of rose.  He so desperately wanted to reach out and cup his had around her cheek and warm her sensual lips with his.  He wanted her more at this moment than perhaps he ever had.  The need was all-consuming and he wanted to turn away, to stop torturing himself like this.  But he was stuck.  He was transfixed by the sight of her beautiful dancing eyes as she laughed with the children.  With Eugene.

 

Marlena felt it once again.  It was if a cloud had passed overhead, but the sun still shone as brightly as before.  She knew that wasn’t it anyway.  It was something much more personal, much more intimate.  She turned to the source of the distress.  John stood, clutching the pole he leaned against as though he needed the support to keep from crumpling on the ground.  With a shock, Marlena recognized her own misery and desolation reflected in his eyes.  She leaned up against the window for the support *she* needed as her legs threatened to give way.  She still couldn’t believe that just the sight of him could do this to her body.  Waves of guilt, anger and desire careered through her body, mingling and colliding so that she felt miserably confused where a moment ago she had felt happy and reasonably calm.

 

John, seeing the effect he had had on her, couldn’t bear it any longer.  He turned and dashed back to his car as fast as he could.  He leaned his forehead against the driving wheel and took deep breaths trying to calm himself.  He had wanted to approach her.  To ask her how she was.  To see his beloved children.  But the pain in her eyes had been too much for him to confront.  

 

He covered his eyes with the palms of his hands and leaned his head backwards.  Dear Lord, Please help us to get through this.  I know I can’t live without her anymore.  But I just can’t bear to cause her pain.  Please help her. Stay with her in this time of need.  Please lend her your strength and your love.  And please help me have the strength do everything I need to be worthy of her again.  John sighed.   Amen.

“Mommy?”  Belle tugged at Marlena’s hand, not sure why her mother suddenly looked so serious.  “What’s wong?”  The childish voice tugged Marlena out of the void that she found herself teetering over.  She forced a smile onto her face and looked down at her daughter.  

 

“Nothing’s wrong sweetie pie.”  She swept Belle up in her arms.  “Nothing’s wrong.  Everything is just fine.”  She missed the glance that passed between Sami and Q.  “Tell you what.  Why don’t we go and see your grandparents?”

 

“Yeah!”  The children’s exclamation came in unison.  Even Will seemed genuinely excited at the prospect.

 

“Marlena, are you sure…?”  Q looked slightly troubled.  A visit to the pub inevitably meant questions and he wasn’t too sure she was up to that now.  

 

She smiled at him, her most dazzling smile.  The smile she used to cover her problems.  It was a trick she was well used to.  It did not, however, fool Q any longer.

 

“I’m sure…” she nodded.

 

“I don’t think-” She put her hand up to quiet him.  She knew what she wanted to do, and his concerns may be warranted but they weren’t going to stop her.

 

“‘Gene, my children want to see their grandparents.  I have no right to deny them that.  We’re going.” 

 

He took in the determined set of her jaw and smiled.  When Marlena made up her mind there was little changing it.  And made up her mind she had.

******

A smile transformed Caroline’s face as the children pushed open the door and ran towards her.  They were followed by Sami and Will.  In less than a minute both of the Brady’s arms were full of grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

 

“Well, hello there!”  Shawn greeted the children with a hearty smile.  “It’s a few days since we’ve seen the two of you, yes it is.”

 

“We’ve bin lookin’ after Momma.”  Brady said solemnly.

 

“Is that right?”  Caroline smiled.  

 

Sami and Carrie had filled them in on the basics of what had happened between Marlena and John.  But as much as they hated to see their loved ones in pain they had made a firm decision not to interfere.  According to Sami Marlena was too fragile to withstand much more stress and they had a tacit agreement not to question her about John or anything much else.

 

Marlena stood outside the door to the Brady establishment and took a deep breath.  She trusted Shawn and Caroline as much as she could trust anybody, but she still felt oddly nervous, unsure of what she was going to face.  She supposed it was the edginess that she lived with since the whole drama had blown up.  She didn’t seem to be able to keep anything in proportion anymore.

 

Unconsciously she sought out Q’s hand with her own.  She was grateful when he clasped his fingers around hers and she moved closer toward him as though he could shield her from all the problems she was likely to encounter.  Q looked at her with an unspoken question in his eyes.  She closed her eyes and then nodded.  Q opened the door and entered the bar, Marlena following closely behind him.

 

Caroline, kneeling on the ground with the children raised her eyebrows slightly as she saw Marlena and Eugene.  The significance of Marlena’s nervous posture didn’t escape her.  Sami had relayed her fears privately in this bar only two days ago, but it still surprised both the Brady’s when Marlena defensively drew closer to Q and put her arm around his waist.  In fact, they weren’t the only ones surprised.  Q looked down at the woman by his side with a little trepidation.  He could feel the tension exuding from her and he put a protective arm around her shoulders.  He was gratified when she relaxed slightly.

 

“Marlena darling, how are you?”  Caroline asked sympathetically, as she stood up.  Marlena made no move, but her face broke into a smile.

 

“I’m okay Caroline, thanks.”

 

“We miss seein’ your beautiful face around here darlin’.”  Shawn chimed in.  Marlena’s smile became a little broader and her grip on Q’s waist a little less firm.

 

“I’ve missed the two of you.  Work’s pretty busy,” she said by way of explanation.

 

“Well, I hope you’re not working too hard.”  Caroline’s smile diminished the remaining awkwardness between the family and her large hug welcomed Marlena back into the fold that only she had exiled herself from.

******

John arrived back at the loft and threw himself on the couch.  He studied the ceiling hoping to find the answers he needed within himself.  He wasn’t any longer sure that what he was doing was right.  It was obvious that just the sight of him upset Marlena to the point that a word from him could have probably reduced her to tears.  Perhaps Sami was right, perhaps he should just leave her be.  

 

But still the image of her at the mall kept re-appearing before his eyes.  Her flushed cheeks, her laughter.  If he backed off now, who was to say that he wouldn’t lose her to another man, even Eugene Bradford?  He couldn’t deny that they were obviously close now.  And although he wanted to erase it from his mind forever, she knew that she was attracted to Bradford.  He knew her so well and he could read the signs.  With the possible enemy living in Marlena’s camp, John couldn’t afford to waste a minute.  He had to do anything in his power to win her back, before he lost her forever.

******

Caroline drew Q to one side as they waited for Marlena to come back from the washroom.

 

“Thank-you for helping Marlena through this time, Eugene.  I realize it can’t be easy for you.”  Q looked slightly embarrassed as he realized how obvious his crush on Marlena must have been all those years ago.  He only hoped he was slightly better at hiding it now.  Somehow, he suspected he was not.

 

“It’s no problem Mrs. Brady, really.”  He smiled awkwardly at the older woman.

 

A moment of silence was broken by the clamoring from the children.  Brady had decided he wanted another piggy-back ride while Belle thought it should be her turn.  Marlena came from out back in time to see her children practically trying to climb Eugene’s legs.  He stood there patiently trying to mediate the argument and Marlena couldn’t help but smile at the scene.  He’d never been particularly child-oriented, but the children just adored him and he was so wonderful with them that Marlena was intrigued by this new side.

“Come on kids.  Stop terrorizing Eugene.”  She clapped her hands as she walked towards them.  Belle and Brady turned to her and began to plead their claims anew.  “That’s enough.  Belle honey I’ll give you a piggy-back ride.”

 

“But I want ‘Gee!”  Belle whined.

 

“Oh, okay.”  Marlena’s pique dissolved as Sami hooked one arm around Marlena’s waist and the other around Brady’s shoulders.

 

“How about we let Belle have the piggy back ride with ‘Gene short-stuff,” she suggested to Brady.  

 

“I’ll give *you* a piggy back ride if Mom will push Will.  After all,” she said conspiratorially, “my middle name is Gene so that must make me *almost* as good as my namesake here.”  She returned Q’s surprised look with a good-natured grin and then stood still as Shawn swung an agreeable Brady onto her back.

 

She was starting to regret the suggestion as the party left a full ten minutes later.

******

It was early the next morning that Marlena got her second hint of things to come.  Following her usual Sunday morning routine, she went downstairs to get her morning cup of coffee and Sunday paper.  However, this morning, unlike her usual Sunday mornings, when she opened the door there were two small gift boxes waiting for her.  Both gold and tied with blue silk ribbon.

 

Chapter 34 – A Lesson On How To Charm

Marlena closed the bedroom door and dropped the boxes on the bed with a shaking hand.  She refused to break down in front of her children again.   They deserved better than that from her and they were her priority.  She rubbed her eyes, attempting to vanquish the tiredness that endlessly threatened to envelop her these days.  Not that it was particularly surprising.  She didn’t think she’d slept more than two straight hours since this whole sorry mess had begun.

 

The nights were the worst.  When she had nobody to turn to, nobody to hold her and tell her they loved her.  Just this numbing, wrenching loneliness that she thought would kill her.  If the tears were bad during the day, they were ten times worse at night.  She would wake up, almost unable to breath the terror was so paralyzing.  She couldn’t remember there being a reason that she felt so afraid but the intense, disabling fear pervaded the room until she almost choked with the tears.  And yet, it wasn’t something that she was prepared to admit to anyone.

 

She arranged the pillows and then climbed back into the bed and pulled the covers up to her waist.  The gift boxes sat next to her, and she contemplated them for a moment.  Part of her wanted to send them back to John unopened.  The other part of her wanted to see what he could come up with.  To see where he would hit her next.  That part of her could wait.  She picked up her glasses and slipped them on before opening the paper.  It wasn’t long before she gave in and folded the paper up again.

 

She picked up the first box and opened it, realizing in the process that it was the one she had received yesterday.  The heart still nestled among the silk but there was a second piece of paper in the lid of the box.  Marlena pulled it out and unfolded it.

 

A heart of gold so pure and true

A symbol of my love for you

Now and always my love will burn

Like the brightest diamond

Waiting for you to return

To my arms

And my heart

 

My darling Marlena,

Yours always, 

John

 

She looked quickly towards the ceiling, trying to still the ache that had invaded her heart.  The John she knew rarely ever resorted to poetry.  For him to use it now was a signal that he was deadly serious in his intentions.

 

Pressing her lips together she slowly opened the second box with some anticipation.  She wasn’t disappointed as she saw the second charm that lay among the blue silk.  It was a tiny golden bell.  She shook her head slowly as she brushed the tears from her cheeks.  He certainly knew how to get to her.

 

There was a poem included in this box also, and despite the tears, she couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her lips as she read it.  

 

A tiny bell(e) to show my dear

That whether we are far or near

She is a symbol of our love

An angel sent from God above.

If only I could make you see

You both were never far from me

Perhaps then we could reunite

then try and try with all our might

for another angel on our wedding night

 

This charm is to remind you that our love created a miracle. If only

*I’d* remembered that I wouldn’t be separated from the Belle that rings

my heart and the woman who anchors my soul. 

 

Forgive me,

John

 

As badly as he had hurt her, her heart still loved him more than anything and if he carried on like this, she wasn’t quite sure how she would resist him.  

 

Still, determined to resist him she was and when Sami surfaced later in the morning, she asked her to send the neatly repackaged boxes back to John.  Sami acquiesced seeing the pain etched in her mother’s eyes and sent the charms back with a message asking John to stop.

******

 

But as it turned out, he did carry on like that.  And some.  The following morning the two boxes appeared in front of the door with a third.  The new box contained a tiny golden plane that no-one but Marlena could quite grasp the significance of.  Still, back it went, only to be returned the following morning.  

 

On the fourth day the flowers began arriving.  It started with a red rose on her desk on Tuesday morning that promptly found the bin in the corner of the room.  The tulips the following day went down the hall to a patient.  When the lilacs reached the penthouse in the weekend Marlena had the greatest of struggles with herself before she asked Sami to send them back.

 

When she opened the door on the tenth day she almost crumbled when she saw that the ten boxes had been placed in the shape of a heart on the doorstep.  The charm for that day was a tiny ruby inlaid cross.  Her heart seemed to still as she read the note that accompanied it.

 

My Darling,

 

Rarely do we talk about this dark place in our lives, but Marlena, wear this cross to remind you of the strength of the bond of love we share.  If together we could beat the devil, then together we can make it through this. This will remind you that you had faith in me once and will guide you until you have faith in me again. 

 

I will be there for you,

Now and always,

John

 

It was at this juncture that she gave in and told Sami and Q that the charms would no longer be going back as it was obvious John wasn’t going to take no for an answer.  She had taken the boxes to her room and proceeded to place each charm on the bracelet that John had given her all those years ago, before putting it back in its box in the top drawer of her bureau. Each new charm went onto the bracelet, and she would take it out at night when she couldn’t sleep and stare at it as if trying to divine John’s thoughts.  As much as she hated to admit it, she was caving.

 

As the days stretched into weeks other gifts began to arrive, and not just for her but the children too.  She didn’t know if she would ever forget the pair of ruby earrings and beautiful red evening dress accompanied by a note which told her she would wear them on their first date.  Or the day that she heard a noise outside the front door and opened it to find a tape deck belting out Frank Sinatra.  Night and day, you are the one.  She had been alone in the penthouse that day as Eugene and Sami had taken the children out to give her some peace.  Only you beneath the moon, and under the sun.  She had taken the tape deck inside and played the song over and over until the tears were spent.   Whether near to me or far, it’s no matter darling where you are, I think of you. Night and day.  And then she had played it some more.   And with each playing, as with each day, her anger diminished just a little.

 

Offsetting the romantic gestures were the bad days.  Some days nothing would arrive, no charm, no flowers, nothing, and Marlena would wonder if he’d finally given up.  And the days that he’d arranged by messenger to take the children for the day and not made a showing at all.  When Sami called him in outrage, he claimed to have known nothing about it.  On those days Marlena was tempted to bundle everything up in a big box and send it back to him.  But then the gifts would arrive again, and the next time John would turn up apologetically to pick up the children.  He’d claim he had no idea how the wires had gotten crossed the last time and her stomach would churn as their eyes met.  

 

Of course, there was the day that John had arrived to pick up Belle and Brady for their outing and Belle had proclaimed she would rather stay and play with ‘Uncle Gee’.  John had been furious, and it had taken much persuading from both Marlena and Q before she had agreed to go with her father.  Marlena had been torn between feeling that in some small way John deserved it and hating herself for thinking that.   At the same time, she had developed a new respect for Q as she became aware just how deep Belle’s feelings ran for this new person in her life.

 

In the loft across town, John waited patiently, trying to ignore the wall of silence that surrounded Marlena.  She wouldn’t talk to him and no-one else would talk to him about her.  Even the children were unusually quiet on the subject of their mother, as if they were able to sense the tenseness between their parents.

 

Sometimes he wondered if he would ever wear her down.  He couldn’t have known that he was encountering a deliberately run DiMera scheme and that some of his best gifts never arrived at their intended destination.  Or that it was they who were arranging the appointments that he missed with his children.  All he knew was that he was prepared to continue this for as long as it took to get Marlena back.  Forever if necessary.  Meanwhile he devoted himself to his work and his children, with a little time off to search for new ideas to win Marlena’s heart once again.

******

It was almost two months to the day that she had thrown John out Marlena realized as she opened the door in the early pre-dawn.  Two months that she had survived.  Two of the most unusual months of her life.  John was pursuing her with all the fervor that he ever had and it made her feel desired again, something she hadn’t felt in so long.  

 

And her friendship with Eugene had blossomed and matured into a deep bond that she felt honored to share.  He was always there when she needed him, and she had leaned on him greatly in these last months.  He was wonderful with the children and even Sami seemed to have accepted him as part of her life, even though they still had occasional arguments over the extent of Marlena’s dependence on him.  Of course Marlena couldn’t kid herself that the fact that Sami had finally moved out and into a decent apartment of her own hadn’t had anything to do with it.

 

She still suffered the loneliness at night, the pain that threatened to tear her apart but somehow it wasn’t as bad anymore.  Somehow, she had survived and she was going to be alright.  Or at least that was what she had convinced herself.

 

She picked up the gold box and took it back into the living room with her cup of coffee.  Sinking into the couch she pulled on the ribbon and opened the box.  What was inside brought tears to her eyes.  It was a tiny gold strawberry, perfect in every detail, yet beautiful in its simplicity.  She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as she tried to stop from crying out.  It was incredible how something so tiny could elicit such images.  Such memories.

 

She pulled the rose colored paper from the lid of the box and prepared herself for the daily poem.  Nothing could have prepared her for what she read.

 

I remember…

Moist sweetness,

Juicy softness

Unquenched desire

Your hot lips on mine

Baby

I remember

Do you?

 

She swallowed hard and tried to gain some composure as she heard Q’s footsteps on the staircase.  She folded the paper away into its hiding place and put the lid back on the box.

 

“What’s this morning’s offering?”  Q asked idly as he walked past her and poured a coffee from the plunger on the table.  “Are you okay?”  he added as he dropped into the seat opposite her.

 

“Fine.  Why?”  Marlena attempted nonchalance.

 

“Oh, you just look a little flushed,” Q observed sardonically.  “What’s in the box then?”

 

“A strawberry.”  Marlena’s reply was clipped, and Q got the feeling that she was embarrassed.  Not that that was about to stop him.

 

“A strawberry?  Oh, do tell…  What significance does that hold?” he probed.  Marlena flashed him a warning look.

 

“I’m not about to get into that with you ‘Gene.”

 

“Oh, spoil my fun why don’t you?” Q grinned wickedly.  “Personal, is it?”

 

“Yes,” Marlena replied simply as she concentrated on tying the ribbon back up.  If she had her way, no-one would ever see that poem but her.  

 

Q watched her speculatively.  It was beginning to happen.  Finally, John’s persistence was starting to pay off and something inside him hated it.

 

Around lunchtime, there was a knock at the door.  Marlena opened it to find a bunch of violets outside.  She smiled and picked them up, breathing in the beautiful fragrance as she wondered where on earth, he had managed to find so many violets in Salem at this time of the year.  She was moved that among the extravagance he could afford, he had it in him to find the simplest of gifts to touch her heart.

 

With the violets were three boxes, one each for the children and one for her.  Marlena called Belle and Brady down and presented them with their gifts.  They tore the ribbons off with gusto and pulled the boxes apart.  They each found a stuffed toy, Belle a pig and Brady a moose.  Marlena couldn’t help her chuckle as they tried to beat each other up the stairs in their competition to be the first to show Q.

 

She waited until they had disappeared before she opened her box.  Inside, just as with the children, lay a teddy bear.  She grinned and pulled it out of its bed of tissue.  He was stuffed with beans and had a floppy look to him, however his dark eyes sparkled, and he looked almost as if he was considering her.  The tag attached to the bear proclaimed his name as Dufus, to which Marlena smiled broadly.  The card in the box read

 

Doc,

 

I’d like to introduce you to Dufus.  He will keep you company until this Doofus proves to you that he is worthy of your love.  And of you.

 

With all my passion and love and dreams,

John

 

“Oh John,” she whispered to the bear.  It was getting harder and harder every day.

 

It was later that afternoon that John’s message service called to let them know that John would be picking up the children for an outing the following day.  The excitement in Belle and Brady’s eyes had transmuted into tears the following morning when John failed to appear again.

 

Furious at his perceived thoughtlessness Marlena picked up the phone and dialed John’s number.  He answered on the second ring.  Marlena started on him without letting him pause for a breath.

 

“If you make an appointment with your children, you could at least have the courtesy to let us *know* when you cancel out.  How *could* you John?  How could you do that to your children, they were so looking forward to seeing you.”

 

“Woah, just a minute there, Doc!  What do you mean I made an appointment with the kids?”  John asked with some degree of bewilderment.

“I mean the message that we got yesterday saying that you were going to take your children out today.”  Marlena paused, her eyes narrowing in anger.  “Oh, don’t tell me you *forgot* John.  I mean a *whole* night.  I would have thought even *you* would have been capable of retaining a thought a little longer than that.”

 

“Hey Marlena, that isn’t fair.”  John said quietly.  “You know I love those children more than anything.”

 

“I thought you did,” Marlena replied with equal quietness, hearing the pain in his voice.  “But then you go and do something like this, and I don’t know *what* to think John.”

 

“I didn’t send a message though.”  John tried to explain.  “Honestly Doc, I don’t know anything about it.  I don’t know how this happened *again*.”  He paused, trying to figure out what had gone wrong this time.  “Look Marlena, I swear to you, I didn’t know anything about it.  I would never willingly hurt Belle and Brady like that.  I just don’t understand what’s happened.”

 

Marlena was silent.  She wanted so badly to be angry at him, but she could hear the confusion and the sincerity in his voice and she knew instinctively that he was telling the truth.  John paused for a moment and sighed.

 

“Look Doc, there’s just no possible way I can get away today.  Or tomorrow, it’s just crazy around here.”  He looked at his desk, overflowing with paperwork and rubbed his forehead with his fingers.  “How about I take them out on Saturday?”

 

“Saturday sounds okay.”  Marlena nodded.  “I’ll try and explain to them what’s happened.”

 

“It would be a bit easier if we knew what had happened.”  John muttered.  “I won’t be using that message service again Doc, this has happened one too many times.”

 

“I think that might be a good idea.”  Marlena agreed thoughtfully.

 

“Okay, well, I’ll come and pick them up on Saturday morning and take them to the amusement park.  That should put the smiles back on their faces.”  Marlena could imagine his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled.  It was so vivid that she had to put out a hand to steady herself.  “Doc?”

 

“Hmm… what?”  She made a rapid attempt to pull herself together.  “Oh yes, that sounds great, I’m sure they’d love that, John.”

 

“I’ll have to bring them back to you for the evening though,” John told her regretfully.  “I have a Toscano Foundation Benefit to go to and I’ll be flying out at five.”

 

“Alright then,” Marlena nodded her head and then turned around as she heard a noise behind her. 

Q was standing there holding Belle, with Brady at his side.   “Mmmmm, John, would you like to talk to the kids?  They’re right here.”

 

John told her he would and then spent some time with each of the children explaining that he was sorry, but he couldn’t see them today however he would take them out on Saturday and they would have a great time.  Marlena stood back with Q and watched her children as they attempted to share the phone between them.  Suddenly things didn’t seem so bad anymore.

 

Q looked down at her and noted the faraway look in her eyes.  Then he looked at the children and it suddenly struck him that when Marlena finally took John back into his life, he would no longer be a part of this.  And somewhere a little voice asked him if omnipotence and power were really what he wanted any longer.  

Frowning he turned and walked to the window.  Marlena watched him go but sensing something was wrong, she followed him.

 

“Are you okay ‘Gene?” she placed her hand gently on his shoulder.  With an effort, he cleared his expression and turned round.

 

“I’m just fine.”  He smiled at her.  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

She regarded him for several moments.  He was lying.  She knew him well enough to know that.  But whatever was bothering he obviously didn’t want to talk about it.  At least not to her.

 

“Alright,” she said slowly, letting him know that she didn’t entirely believe him.  Q looked past her to the children who had finally put the phone down.  Marlena turned and her heart lifted as she looked at her children’s sparkling eyes.  “Okay you two, I have to stop in at work for an hour or so.  But I think I can manage to meet you for lunch down at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s.  How does that sound?”

 

“Yeah!”  Belle and Brady nodded their heads and flung themselves at her.  She crouched down and swept them into her arms before looking up at Q.  “Is that okay with you?”

 

“Tell me the time and I’ll have them there.”  Q told her with a smile.  It was looking more and more as if he was going to have to make the most of the time he had left here.  And make the most of it he would.

 

Chapter 35 – Testing, Testing……

The phone was ringing as Marlena turned her key in the door.  Q, Belle and Brady entered the penthouse behind her, and Q sent the children upstairs to wash up.  Marlena dropped her briefcase on the chair before snatching up the phone.

 

“Hello?”  She pulled the gold earring off her left ear and settled the receiver against it.

 

“Dr. Evans?”  The woman on the other end of the phone sounded unsure.

 

“Yes, can I help you?”  She nodded as Q walked past making motions with his hands that she took to mean would she like a cup of tea.

 

“Dr. Evans, this is Cera from Mr. Black’s message service.  He wants you to know that he would like to take the children tomorrow night.  He will pick them up at six if that is convenient for you.”

 

Marlena was immediately suspicious.  John had told her, not two days ago, that he would no longer be using this message service, yet here they were calling and trying to change his plans.

 

“Are you sure about that?” she asked carefully.  “I though John was busy tomorrow night.”

 

“Oh,” there was a hint of surprise in the woman’s voice, but she recovered quickly.  “I believe that Mr. Black has changed his plans.  I can call to confirm if you would like?”

 

“No, it’s alright.”  Marlena said purposefully.  “I’ll call him myself.”

 

“Uh, I’m quite happy to call and then confirm back with you,” Cera said a little too hurriedly.

 

“No thank you.”  Marlena said calmly.  “Thank you for calling.”

 

That spelled an effective end to the conversation and Marlena put the receiver down as Q brought her tea over to her.

 

“Who was that?”

 

“John’s message service.”  Marlena said with a thoughtful expression.  “They wanted to tell me he will pick the children up tomorrow *night*.”

 

“Didn’t you say he was going to fire them?”  Q asked, his brows knitting.

 

“Mmmm..”  Marlena opened her address book and flicked through to find John’s work number.  “That’s what I *thought* he said.”  

 

She dialed the number and waited the several seconds it took for the receptionist to answer the other end.  When she inquired after John, she was told he was in a meeting all afternoon and couldn’t be interrupted unless it was urgent.  Marlena, not deeming her business urgent, told the woman that she would call John later.  

 

She put down the phone and turned to Q, shaking her head.

 

“Something’s going on.”

 

“What do you mean?”  Q asked, following her into the living room.

 

“I mean that I think that John has been telling the truth.  I think that someone has been deliberately crossing our wires.”  She frowned.  “It’s the only thing that makes any sense.”

 

“And you think that someone is…?”  Q questioned.

 

“One guess.”

******

John sat at his desk wondering how the hell he was ever going to get through all this paperwork by the end of the day.  He had been working feverishly for weeks now, trying to keep his mind off of Marlena.  He had been a little surprised when he had realized that the mess with Kristen hardly figured in his thoughts at all anymore.  From the moment he woke up till the moment he eventually drifted off to sleep at night, all he could think about was Marlena and their children.  He wanted to be with her, he wanted to make their family complete.  He wanted to fill that hole in his soul that he had been denying for so long.

 

He stared at the phone, almost willing it to ring.  When it didn’t, he checked with his secretary for messages.  There were none.  He looked back at the laptop, swamped in paper and ran his fingers through his hair.  He was starting to develop a headache.  He looked at the phone again.  On an impulse he picked it up and began to dial.  Thinking the better of it he put the receiver back down in its cradle and sighed.  

 

He picked up the picture of Marlena and the children that sat on his desk and leaned back in his chair.  He studied the picture and then ran his fingers over the three angelic, smiling faces.

“Oh God Doc.  If you only knew how much I need you.”  His voice came out as a choked whisper.  He needed her because she was the part of him that was missing.  And only she would make him whole and real again.

******

It was sunset by the time Marlena left the penthouse.  She was meeting Carrie at the pub for an early supper, and she walked slowly from her car to the pub, enjoying the crisp evening air.  The call from the message service played over in her mind as she walked.  There was definitely something strange going on and it smelt of Kristen.

 

The pub was bustling with patrons as she entered.   As usual, there were several people she knew, and she greeted them before she found Carrie in the corner.

 

“Hi sweetie.”  She slipped into the booth opposite her daughter.  “How are you?”

 

“Great,” Carrie lied.  In truth she felt terrible.

 

“Honey -” Marlena stopped, seeing how pale and drawn Carrie’s face was.  “Are you sure?  You don’t look too good.”

 

Carrie rested her head in her palms for a moment and then pulled her hands up over her forehead, smoothing her hair.

 

“I never could fool you, could I?” she smiled with a hint of contrition.

 

“No.”  Marlena shook her head and laughed.  “However hard you tried; I could always see through it.”  She covered Carrie’s hand with hers.  “It’s a mother thing,” she whispered.

 

“It’s also a love thing.”  Carrie smiled at her stepmother with a sparkle in her eyes.  “If I haven’t told you lately Marlena, I really do love you.”  She squeezed Marlena’s hand.  “You’ve always been there for me, been a wonderful mother and friend to me and it means more to me than I can say.”

 

“Oh, Carrie sweetheart, you don’t need to *thank* me!”  Marlena exclaimed in surprise.  “I love you too and it’s part of the deal.”

 

“I know that,” Carrie nodded, “But I just wanted you to know.”  She smiled with a hint of shyness.  “I guess I’m just feeling a little sentimental tonight.”

 

“Well, I think that’s allowed.”  Marlena told her gently and her expression changed to one of seriousness.  

“So, what’s up then?”  She ran the back of her fingers down Carrie’s cheek in a gesture of motherliness.  “You look tired.”

 

“I don’t really know.”  Carrie shrugged her shoulders.  “We had some late nights the other week trying to get an account out on time, and I guess I got a little run down.”  She watched the waiter carry past a dish of fries and tried to contain the queasiness in the pit of her stomach.  “I think that maybe I picked up a touch of the flu.”

 

“Well, are you sure you don’t want to do this another night?”  Marlena asked, concern lacing her voice.  “I’d be quite happy to leave it till you’re feeling a little better.”

 

“No, really,” Carrie shook her head.  “I’m fine.  And I’ve been looking forward to seeing you.”  She smiled conspiratorially.  “Now are you going to tell me what’s been going on?”

******

Q picked up the photograph from the sideboard.  It was one that John had sent Marlena the previous month.  It had been taken last summer on a day outing and they looked gloriously happy.  An outsider never would have known that they weren’t a cheerful and contented family.  The love in Marlena and John’s eyes was so obvious it was painful.  To everyone else.  If only they could have seen it in each other then, maybe they wouldn’t be in this situation now.  And neither would I.

He stared at the picture for several moments longer.  Then, on impulse, he wiped his hand across the photograph.  John was erased and in his place was Q, part of the happy family with Marlena looking at him with all the love in the world.  Q closed his eyes and sighed.  Who was he trying to kid?  Marlena would never look at him with anything other than the love of friendship.  He knew that, so why was he torturing himself like this?  

 

Because I love her.

******

John walked haltingly up the path to Kristen’s front door.  The last person he wanted to see right now was her, but he knew he had to get this over with.  And the sooner the better, for everyone.  He had done as much as he could to stay away from this place, and from Kristen as he could in the last two months.  It hadn’t always been easy.  She had a knack of turning up in the most unexpected places at the most inconvenient times.  And making a pest of herself when she did.

 

John sighed and lifted the heavy door knocker.  Just say what you have to say John and then you can go.  If only it was that easy.  Nothing was *ever* that easy where Kristen was concerned.  He rapped several times and then waited.  Illeanna answered the door and John enquired about Kristen’s’ presence.  Illeanna confirmed it and John stepped into the living room to wait for her.  

 

He looked around the room remembering all the time he had spent in this house with a sense of antipathy.  All that time he had wasted with her, and it had been nothing than a charade.  In some ways his avoidance of Kristen had not been merely for what she had done, but also for his part in it.  He still blamed himself heavily for Marlena’s suffering, he lay awake at night chastising himself and wondering whether he really, truly deserved her.  The sight of Kristen only intensified these feelings of disgust and sent him spiraling down into a depression that he found difficult to shake.

 

“Hi there.”  Kristen’s voice shook him out of his reverie, and he turned round to look at her.  Her hands rested on her gently swelling belly, and she smiled at him sweetly.  “It’s lovely to see you.”  John forced a quick smile, his eyes transfixed on the bulge of her abdomen.  As much as he wanted this child not to be his, for the sake of his future with Marlena, part of him hoped, illogically perhaps, that it was.  With so much of his past lost to him, or shrouded in mystery and confusion, it was only Marlena and the children that anchored him in the present.  

 

He could still remember, when he had found that his true identity was that of Forrest Alamain, his sworn enemy’s own brother, how much comfort Brady had brought to him.  He would lie awake at night and stare at Isabella’s burgeoning waist-line with a feeling of wonder.  Here was a child, a tiny piece of him.  Someone who would never betray him as his own family would.  And so, as he stared at Kristen, he again felt that feeling of wonderment.  Another new life coming into this world, possibly another piece in the jigsaw puzzle of his heart.

 

He shook his head trying to rid himself of the betrayal of his emotions.

 

“John honey, are you okay?”  Kristen asked coming closer to him.  “Is there something I could get you?”

 

“No Kristen, I’m fine,” he replied tersely as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

 

“Okay.”  Kristen nodded her head and rubbed her stomach conspicuously.  “It is *so* lovely to see you, John.”  She smiled coyly.  “I’ve really missed you.”

 

John was silent for a moment trying to ignore her obvious attempts at ingratiating herself.  He watched her make her way to the sofa and make a meal of sitting down awkwardly.  She wasn’t exactly big yet, if she had been wearing a loose top rather than the form-fitting one that adorned her body it might have been possible to miss it.  But the way she moved one might have though she was reaching the middle of her ninth month instead of her sixth.

 

“So, how are you feeling?” he asked grudgingly.

 

“Great!”  Kristen had determined that there was no point in employing the precariousness of this pregnancy as part of her plan to get John back.  He was already wise to that scam, and she had to play this very carefully.  Her best plan of action now was to work on his love for his children.  This child would bring them back together.  She knew that and she was counting on it.  “I must say he is an active little thing though.”  She smiled at John as she rubbed her stomach provocatively again.  

 

In truth the baby *was* active, but it bugged the hell out of her.  She couldn’t imagine what it was going to be like a couple of months down the track.  Still, it was worth it if John came back to her.  Once the child was born there would be a nanny to look after it and she and John could make up all those precious moments they had missed in the preceding months.  She smiled with satisfaction.  She would make him forget he had ever heard of one *Marlena Evans*.  And Marlena would certainly not want him back.  She was working up to that quite nicely.

 

“Look Kristen,” John wanted to get to the point of his visit and then get out.  He was starting to feel highly uncomfortable, and he suspected that Kristen knew exactly how to push his buttons.  “I do have a reason for coming over.”  Kristen looked mildly surprised.

 

“Of course you do,”  she patted the seat next to her.  “Why don’t you sit down honey?”  She saw John’s recoil at the endearment and inwardly grimaced.  This might be a little harder than she thought.

 

“No thanks.”  John’s voice was thick with unspoken words. “I’m here to ask you to consider having amniocentesis test to determine the paternity of this child.”

******

“I don’t know what you mean Carrie.”  Marlena said innocently.

 

“Oh come on Marlena,” Carrie grinned.  “I think that the whole of Salem must know about John’s efforts to win you back.”  She leaned closer to her stepmother.  “Some of the gifts Sami has told me about…well I don’t know how you are still holding out.”

 

“I’m holding out because I am still angry at John for what he has done.”  Marlena’s expression had sobered into seriousness.  “What he did to me, to Belle and Brady and to all of you.”  She leant her head on one side and regarded Carrie.  “I’m still not sure I can forgive him and I’m not sure I can trust him.”

Carrie frowned.  “I’m sorry Marlena, I didn’t mean to be flippant.  I just…,” the tears welled up in her eyes, “I know how hard it is to be without the person that you love.  You lost Dad and I don’t want to see you lose John too.  You deserve some happiness.”

 

“I lost your father because I made a terrible mistake.”  Marlena squeezed Carrie’s hand.  “I betrayed him and his trust in me. I will always regret that.  And I will always love him.  But I have dealt with the guilt of that Carrie, and I can’t let the fact that Roman left me push me into forgiving John before I’m ready.”  She took a deep breath.  “And even though I do love John, I’m still hurt by what he did to us.  I just need some time and space to get things back into perspective I guess.”

 

“I understand that,” Carrie nodded.  “I just want you to be happy.  We all do.” 

 

“I know that honey.  And I am happy, really.”  She rested her chin in her hands.  “I mean I have five wonderful children and more friends than I deserve to be blessed with.  How could I not be happy?”

******

Kristen had been waiting two months for this.  Mike Horton must have finally deemed the baby to be sufficiently out of danger for John to make his approach.  Her eyes filled with crocodile tears.

“You think that this baby isn’t yours?”

 

“I think it’s a possibility, yes.”  John replied as stoically as he could.

 

“You think I would stoop to *that*?”  she asked, the tears spilling onto her cheeks, secretly glad that he would never know how close she had come to visiting the bank in Paris in order to ensure her little ‘deposit’.

 

John pressed his lips together for a moment.  With everything else she had done; he could well believe she would stoop to that.  But he hadn’t come here to antagonize her or to be antagonized.

“I really don’t want to get into an argument with you Kristen.”  The muscle in his cheek twitched slightly, giving away the tension in his jaw.  “I just want to know whether you will agree or not.”

Kristen studied him.  He wasn’t as easy to play now.  She would have to be more careful.  

 

She nodded her head, wiping her tears away.

 

“Yes, I agree.”  She stared into his eyes.  “I know this child is yours and I want you to know it too.” 

 

“Good.”  John walked to the door of the living room.  “Mike has scheduled the procedure for Monday.  I’ll meet you at the hospital at ten.”  Kristen lifted herself off the sofa, her hands supporting her stomach.

 

“Okay then.  I’ll see you there.”  She followed him to the door.  

 

As he opened it, she laid her hand on his shoulder.  He turned and she saw the pain that resided in his eyes.   “John, this baby *is* yours and I know you will love it as much as you love all your children.  You’ll see I’m right soon enough.”  John regarded her for a moment and then nodded.  

“We will see, won’t we?”  He turned back to the open doorway and exited the house as quickly as he could.

 

“Bye honey, it was lovely to see you.”  Kristen called after him as she watched him go.  

 

As he disappeared out of the gate, she closed the door and went back into the living room.  Peter, now living in the DiMera Mansion, took the stairs two steps at a time as he came down them.

“Well, how did that go?” he asked as he popped his head around the corner.  Kristen narrowed her eyes.

 

“Alright.  I think.”  She pulled her hair back behind her head with both of her hands and stretched her body.  “It’s kind of hard to tell these days though.”  She frowned.  “I used to be able to read him so well.”

 

“And you will again Sis,” Peter promised her as he slid up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.  “If we have anything to say about it, you will.”

******

John walked down the pavement, trying to suck the cool air into his chest.  When he was with Kristen now, he felt as if he was being suffocated.  In truth he always had but he had fought hard to deny it to himself.  Now he just looked at her and wondered why.  He looked at the last three years and wondered why.  And he had no answer.

 

He took another deep breath.  He had been a little surprised when Kristen had so readily acquiesced to his request.  Surprised and a little downhearted.  She seemed certain the child was his.  Still, by this time next week he would know the truth, he would try not to dwell on it till then.  And, as he had already told himself, whether it was or not was of no consequence to the depth of his love for Marlena.  He wanted her back in his life and he would wait for her if it took the *rest* of his life.  There was only one person he would and could love, and Kristen didn’t even figure in the equation.

 

Chapter 36 – Caught Unawares

“Here, you do it like this.”  Q had his arms around Marlena, and he gently guided her as she attempted to flip the pancake.  The round disc of batter made a slow loop in the air and flopped squarely back in the pan.

 

“I did it!”  Marlena squealed, her cheeks flushed with delight.

 

“You certainly did.”  Q grinned as he set the heavy pan back on the heat and waited for the pancake to brown.

 

“I’ll do the next one by myself.”  Marlena announced, her enthusiasm piqued.

 

“Are you sure you’re quite ready for that?”  Q teased her as he expertly flicked the pancake onto the growing pile.

 

He was saved from her further overtures towards the pancake batter by Brady who ran into the kitchen.  He stopped short as he saw Q’s warning look.  Both of the children had been warned plenty of times about running in the kitchen.  Especially after Belle’s accident.

 

“Door Momma,” he said breathlessly.  Belle followed him in and stood with her tiny hands planted firmly on her hips.

 

“Dere’s sum-an at de door,” she announced solemnly.

 

“Okay, okay.”  Marlena held her hands up, palms outward with a smile before wiping them on the towel.  “Shall we go and see who it is?”

 

By the time she made it to the front door, the messenger was long gone.  All that sat on the doorstep was a small box.  Belle swooped down and grabbed the package, running into the living area with it before Marlena could react.

 

“I open it.”  Belle plopped herself down in the middle of the floor and pulled the ribbon off the box.  Brady crouched in front of her as she pulled the two halves of the box apart.  The sole content fell out onto the floor and more quickly than she could react, Brady snatched it out of Belle’s reach. 

 

“Hey Bady!”  The little girl admonished.  “It’s mine.  Gi’ it back.”  Brady ignored her and handed the tape to Marlena.  

 

“No, it’s not Belle.  It’s for Mommy.”  He said, pursing his lips in a fair imitation of his father.  Belle began to sob. 

 

“S’mine!”

 

“Belle honey,” Marlena interrupted before the argument could escalate.  “Why don’t you come and help me put this video tape in the recorder.”  Belle stared at her sullenly for a moment and then her mood passed as quickly as the tantrum had come on.

 

“‘Kay!”  She scrambled for the tape.  Marlena only had time to pull the cassette out of its cover and note that it was unlabeled before it disappeared, via Belle’s tiny hands, into the machine.

******

Laura walked into the Penthouse Grill on the arm of her new Beau, Jed Sellwood.  He was an oral surgeon that she had met recently at a medical function, and they had struck it off immediately.  Things were going so well Laura was almost afraid that they were going too well.  It had been so long since she’d been happy, she had almost forgotten how great it felt.  Somehow, part of her wondered if she finally deserved to be happy.

 

Jed squeezed her hand and she looked up at him.  He grinned at her, and she couldn’t help but return it.  He’s so gorgeous, she though privately as they were led to their table.  As she sat and Jed gently pushed her chair in, a couple in the corner caught her eye.  On closer inspection she saw that it was Peter and Kristen.  Jed caught her grimace and looked at her inquiringly.

 

“Laura?  Honey is something wrong?”

 

“Remember I told you about Jenn’s ex-husband and his equally loathsome sister?”  She nodded on Peter and Kristen’s direction.  “That’s them.” 

 

Her companion turned and looked surreptitiously at the pair.  They were huddled over a small table, obviously engrossed in their conversation.  The woman’s hair hung limply over her face, and she wore a tight Lycra top that hugged the bulge of her pregnancy.  She was jabbing the table with her finger, seemingly trying to make her point clear to her male companion.  He shook his head tiredly and rubbed his eyes.  The woman didn’t let up her haranguing and Jed felt almost sorry for the guy.  He would have, except for what Laura had told him about Peter Blake and what he had done to her daughter.  He turned back to his date.

 

“Nice looking couple.”  He rolled his eyes sarcastically.

 

“Pfft!”  Laura couldn’t help herself.  She looked at them thoughtfully.  Kristen was still trying to make her point, but Peter seemed to be arguing his equally forcefully now.  Looking back at Jed, Laura raised her eyebrows.  “I’d love to know what they’re plotting now.”

******

It was as well she didn’t know.  Kristen’s latest scheme was turning even Peter’s stomach.

 

Kristen had spent so much time recently thinking about ways to get John back by her side she was beginning to lose her grip on what little moral certitude she still retained.  In her vaguely deranged musings, she had remembered Belle’s accident and the animosity displayed by John towards Eugene Bradford.  Even his precious Marlena hadn’t escaped John’s anger.  So, Kristen had formulated a plan whereby Brady would fall victim to a slight accident while in Marlena’s care.  She’d had it planned out perfectly until Peter had refused, point blank to help her in her twisted plan.  It was this they were discussing at the non-descript corner table in the busy restaurant.

 

“Peter!” Kristen whined.  “You promised you’d do what you could to help me get John back.  You told me you wanted them both to pay!  This is the ideal opportunity.”  Her voice began to rise in pitch as she desperately tried to convince Peter that he had to help her.  “I have to get him back Peter.  My baby has to have a father.  *I* have to have him.  You promised…” she finished rather lamely.

 

“Well, I didn’t think that you would stoop to something quite as low as injuring an innocent child in your ‘quest’ Kristen,” Peter hissed through clenched teeth.  “I promised to do what I could, yeah, but this is going *way* too far.”

 

“He won’t be badly hurt.”  Kristen tried to wheedle her way in between Peter’s defenses.  “Just a few scratches.  Just enough to make John realize what could have happened and what a terrible mother ‘Doc” is.”  She sneered as she spat out the endearment that John used for Marlena.  

 

The rage began to build up in her system as the specter of Marlena appeared before her again.  It stuck in her craw that he insisted on using the nickname that he should have given up years ago.  Marlena had no right to his endearments, his affection or his love.  That woman was just trying to destroy what Kristen had with John and Kristen would make sure she paid if it took her whole life.  

 

She forced the bilious feeling back as she re-focused her attention on Peter.  He was still hard faced, and she could feel the refusal coming,

 

“Krissy, that doesn’t make it *right*!” he reproached her.  “Even Stefano wouldn’t purposely hurt a child.  Good Lord Kristen, that’s a moral line I refuse to step over.”  He narrowed his eyes.  “We’ve both done some things we’d rather not admit to.  Please don’t add this to the list.”  He was almost pleading with her to forget this insanity.  “There has to be a better way.”

 

“Alright, alright!”  Kristen grudgingly gave a little.  “Whatever you say *brother*,” she scowled at him, “if there’s a better way, you’d better find it.  And fast.  Otherwise, I go ahead with my plan.  With or without your help.”

 

“You do Kristen and you’ll be on your own.”  Peter looked at her warningly, his jaw clenched tightly with the effort to control his temper.  “I’ll wipe my hands of the whole business.  And of you.”

 

“Is that a threat brother *dearest*?”  Kristen’s body was tense with the same force of self-control.  She and Peter had never disagreed over anything, but this could be their undoing.

 

“Take it however you like Kristen.”  Peter threw a bill on the table and stood.  “I’ll get back to you as soon as I can about that better way.”

 

Kristen watched him walk out of the restaurant and then, seeing Laura staring at her, threw the woman the dirtiest look she could muster.  She wasn’t letting any of these little people budge her an inch from her course of action.  She couldn’t.  Life was meaningless otherwise.

******

The cassette started to play automatically in the video recorder.  Belle immediately ran back to the ouch and climbed onto her mother’s lap.  Marlena folded one arm around her as Brady joined them, snuggling up against them.

The red blur on the screen resolved into a red t-shirt and then into John as he backed away from the camera.  Marlena’s breath caught in her throat as she watched him set down on his couch in the loft.  She had always loved him in red.  It bespoke his passion, an intensity all his own.  Always when he had worn red, she had just wanted to pull his clothes off and partake in the sensuous experience of that passion and love.  She sighed.  Some things never changed.

 

She tried to keep her attention from the way his t-shirt hinted at the lines and curves of muscle that lay concealed beneath the red fabric.  Unfortunately, as he leaned over to pick up the remote, she was less than successful.

 

“It’s Daddy!”  Belle’s laughter was like a sprinkling of golden bells and Marlena and Brady joined in with her.  Q came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel.  He smiled when he saw the three settled so happily and he moved behind the couch to watch the screen.

 

The image of John on the television screen settled back into his seat and he smiled.

 

“Hey there you guys.  I talked to you on the phone this afternoon when I couldn’t make it round to see you.  So this is for you Belle sweetheart, Brady my little slugger guy, and,” he paused, his voice lowering to a tone that sent shivers up Marlena’s spine, “especially for you Doc.” 

 

He smiled again, a smile of love and promise, aimed directly at the family that meant more to him than anything in the world.  “I’m really sorry that I couldn’t come around today kids, but I guess things got a little mixed up and confused.  But I promise you that I will make it up to you on Saturday.  There’s nothing I want more than to spend all the time I can with you.  You are the most important things in the world to me.”  

 

He leaned down, dipping his hand beneath the camera level before he looked into the lens again.  “I‘ve got a little something for you guys that I’ll bring on Saturday.”  He grinned and pulled up a brown stuffed bear.  “Since you love the zoo so much, Belle baby, this is for you and Brady,” he pulled up a stuffed tiger with a look that that sent the two children into fits of giggles, “hey kid, this is for you.”  He raised his eyebrows and smiled again.

 

“Now guys, I know a day at the zoo will be great, but I think there is one thing that would make it just about perfect,” John continued with a twinkle in his eyes.  “I think that if your mom would come with us it would be just about the best day ever.”  He winked at the camera.  “Whaddya say Doc?  You wanna come see the bears with us?”    His appealing look tugged at her heart, just like she knew he had known it would and she shook her head gently as the children turned to her.

 

Just at that moment, John’s phone had chosen to ring.  He had obviously contemplated for several moments before leaping off the couch to answer it.  However, it was unfortunate that he was so hasty, for in his rush, the cords at his feet wrapped themselves around his ankle and both he and the phone went crashing to the ground with an unintelligible shout.    Surprisingly it took him only moments to recover and he hauled himself red-faced back onto the seat.  He took a deep breath and placed the receiver back in its cradle.

 

“Well, I guess that’s one way of getting rid of them,” he stated with some embarrassment.

 

Belle and Brady erupted into fits of laughter as soon as they ascertained their father was unharmed by the incident.  Marlena wasn’t laughing.  Her heart was aching.

“I probably should go back and tape over that disaster, but I guess it probably just goes to prove how useless I am without you around.”  John said dolefully as he pulled the stuffed bear into his arms and hugged it to him.  “Pathetic huh?”

 

Marlena brushed away the tears that shimmered on her lashes.  That simple, stupid little moment provoked so many emotions in her that she didn’t know how to deal with them.  She had been trying to dam up all her emotions and feelings for John and hide them away so that she wouldn’t *have* to deal with them.  She had ignored the fact that sooner or later cracks were going to appear in that dam, and she wasn’t sure how to shore it up.  She closed her eyes and tried hard to concentrate on her breathing as John resumed his monologue.

 

“I really miss you all so much,” he breathed.  ‘I know I can never make up for the time we’ve lost, but I promise that I will make our future the brightest I possibly can.”  Marlena could hear the emotion fighting to break through in his voice and her eyes opened almost involuntarily.  The pain and regret etched on his face almost broke her heart.  He really was suffering as much as she was.  

 

God, I love him *so* much.

 

Her heart twisted again as he reached out and picked up a photograph from the table, a tear slipping from his eye.

 

“You know, I fought so desperately to make a family,” he looked at the picture and shook his head, “but it was the wrong one.  If only I could have opened my eyes and seen that…”  He looked at the camera and wiped the moisture from his cheeks.  “The first family I remember is the one I made with you, Marlena.”  He smiled a sad, lonely smile.  “It was the happiest time of my life.”

 

Q turned in time to see Marlena sweep the tears from her face.  He exhaled softly.  The wheels are in motion.  He wanted to smile but he couldn’t quite bring himself to. This moment only reminded him what an outsider he was here and what it would take for him to get back to his own kind.  The thought that John and Marlena might be soon reunited should have made him exceedingly happy.  

 

It was not only what he would gain out of it that should have given him joy.  There was nothing that would make Marlena happier than to complete her life with John and her happiness meant the world to Q.  And he would have felt happy for her, and for himself, if only he didn’t feel so damn sad.  

 

“Mommy?  Why is Daddy crying, Mommy?”  Belle asked, evidently confused.  “Did he get huwt?”  Marlena hugged the little girl to her and smoothed her hair comfortingly with her hand.

 

“No sweetie, Daddy’s just a little sad.  He’ll be okay soon,” Marlena assured her.

 

“Why he sad, Momma?”  Belle wasn’t about to give up that easily.  “‘Cos he can’t wiv here wif us?”  Marlena looked at Belle, amazed at the little girl’s insight.  After a moment, she decided she shouldn’t be so surprised.  Belle had always seemed to have a second sense about what was wrong.

 

“Yes, that’s part of it honey.  Now shhh.”  She tried to settle Belle back down so they could finish watching the tape.

******

John stared blankly at the page of the report he was reading.  He suddenly realized that he had read it four times and still not taken in any of it.  He dropped the booklet on the table and wandered over to the bench where he poured himself a coffee.  He really didn’t need it, he was already strung out and another night’s wakefulness wasn’t going to help matters, but he sipped at the black liquid anyway.

 

He was running out of things to keep him occupied.  He couldn’t concentrate on work anymore and nothing else seemed to have even the potential to hold his attention.  All he could think about was Marlena and how much he needed her and those children.  

 

It had been two long months.  Two months where he had concentrated his whole being on winning her back.  He wasn’t entirely sure, but he felt that she was beginning to relax, to thaw a little.  And while that was a good thing; a great thing, it also meant he spent more time thinking about her and how it might be to hold her in his arms again.  To feel her warm skin on his, the scent of her hair as he lifted it to his face, the feel of her lips.  To wake up every morning next to her….

 

He shook his head in frustration.  He had to stop this, or it would drive him crazy.  He looked at his watch and picked his jacket up off the chair.  Maybe seeing the Brady’s might take his mind of this agony.

******

Almost as if John had heard his daughter, he had shaken off the melancholy and his face was again wreathed in smiles.  He again promised the children that they would have a great day on Saturday and exhorted them to persuade their mother to join the party.  After he had told them again how much he loved them, the video had petered into blueness and Marlena had switched the player off.  To Belle and Brady’s pleas to join them at the zoo she only replied that she couldn’t, she had to work.  It was a white lie but she knew she couldn’t spend that much time around John and still hold onto her resolve.

 

The children had soon given up the idea of trying to convince her and run upstairs to play in their own imaginary zoo.  Marlena had remained on the couch, lifting her feet up and laying back against the arm.  She felt washed out and needed a few moments to regain her composure.

 

“Why don’t you call him?”  Marlena opened her eyes to find Q sitting on the table in front of her.

 

“I can’t.”  She said firmly.

 

“Why not?”  Q pressed.  “He loves you; you love him.  What’s stopping you?”

 

“I just can’t.”  Marlena said a little angrily, her eyes flooding with tears.  “And I don’t want to talk about it so just drop it, okay?”

 

“No.  Not okay.”  Q returned her anger, his frustration at the situation he found himself in becoming evident.  “Why are you being so stubborn?  I never remember you being this stubborn before.  You love the man.  Go to him and tell him that.  Happy ever after.  End of story.”

 

“It’s not that simple, Eugene.”  Marlena closed her eyes again.  “And I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, that’s tough.  Because you’re going to talk about it.”  Q said a little harshly.  “It *could* be that simple if only you would let it.  The only obstacle is *you* Marlena.  You need him and he needs you.  You’ll never be happy without him.  Why don’t you just admit that to yourself?”

 

“You don’t know the first thing about what I need.”  Marlena’s ire was rising rapidly.  She really didn’t need her best friend to turn on her right now.  “What I need is some peace and quiet, so why don’t you just go away.  I don’t need your opinions.”  

 

Q stared at her for several moments, his lips pursed and then he stood.

 

“*You* have to be the most infuriating woman I’ve ever had the displeasure to meet!”  He lashed out angrily.  “You don’t want my help.  Well, *fine*!”  He threw the hand towel on the table and stormed off towards the kitchen.

 

“‘Gene!”  Marlena called out before he reached the kitchen door.  “Gene, I’m sorry.”  Q stopped but didn’t turn round.  He stood, facing the kitchen door, trying to cool his temper and contemplate his next move.  “‘Gene, please forgive me?”  Her soft voice came from directly behind him and he slowly turned round.  “I’m sorry.”  She looked contrite.  “I know you were only trying to help, and I was being ungrateful as per usual.”  She took his hand in hers and pulled him towards the sofa.   He followed stiltingly, and sat next to her.

 

“It’s okay,” he nodded.

 

“No, it’s not okay.”  She looked down at the large hand she held in hers.  “I was unforgivably rude.  The truth is,” She looked up at him with frightened eyes, trying to fight the emotion that threatened to swamp her, “I don’t know what to do.  I’m so confused.”

 

“Don’t they always say to follow your heart?” Q asked softly.

 

“I would if I knew what it was telling me.”  Marlena gasped softly and turned her head to the side so that he wouldn’t see her tears.  “I…I…”  She faltered and fell silent.

 

“You love him.”  Q stated.

 

“Oh, I do.”  Marlena looked up towards the ceiling.  “I do love him.  I wish I could say otherwise but I can’t.”  She looked back at Q.  “And I miss him *so* much.”  The fierceness of the emotion in her eyes made Q feel weak and he averted his own, hoping she hadn’t seen it.  She seemed not to as she carried on.  “I don’t know…I just don’t know…maybe it *is* just my pride.”  She pressed her fingers to her mouth, attempting to gain some semblance of control.  “I just don’t know how to get past what’s happened ‘Gene.  I don’t know how to forgive him.”  She shook her head. “Or myself.” 

 

“Look Marlena, I might be outta line here,” Q began tentatively, “but something in that video touched you and I think that is what you have to take and run with.  You can’t forgive until you try.”  He smiled at her, but it was unconvincing.  “What was it Alice Horton used to say?  Love conquers everything?”

 

“She still does.”  Marlena whispered, a slight shiver travelling her spine.  “Oh ‘Gene.  Could we really get through this?  Could we really be a family again?”  Her eyes gained a faraway look.  “Oh, I really do love him.”  Q, unable to take it any longer patted Marlena’s hand ineffectually and then stood up.

“I have to go…”  he explained vaguely and left the room in haste.  

 

Marlena, a little startled, watched him go.  After a moment she turned back to the table and looked into space as she reviewed the past few minutes in her mind.  Her forehead creased slightly and then a mixture of comprehension and surprise settled on her features.

Chapter 37 –  Curiouser and Curiouser… 

Marlena stared at the door and wondered briefly why things couldn’t ever be simple.  She closed her eyes and unconsciously smoothed the wrinkles in her trousers.  It was a gesture of control, in which she felt desperately lacking at the moment.

 

With a strange, nervous flutter in her stomach, she rapped sharply on the door.

 

“‘Gene?  ‘Gene, can I come in?”  There was a silence behind the wall of wood and Marlena waited a moment before she tried again.  “‘Gene, I need to talk to you.”

 

“I would prefer it if you would leave me alone for a while.”  Q’s voice came muffled from behind the barrier.  Marlena crossed one arm in front of her and laid her hand on her chest in a movement of comfort and protection.

 

“Gene, please don’t ignore me.  We need to talk.”

 

“No, we don’t.”  Marlena could hear the embarrassment in his voice and she frowned.

 

“‘Gene, don’t shut me out, I want to help you,”   she persisted.  

 

A bitter laugh came from behind the door.

 

“How ironic.”  In the bedroom, Q stared at the ceiling, wishing he could lose himself in it.

 

“Why?”  It was becoming more obvious by the moment that Marlena did not intend to give up until she had succeeded at her task.

 

“Nothing.”  Q’s tone was flat and emotionless.  “It’s not important.”

 

“It is to me.”  Marlena’s voice insisted once again.  “You’re my best friend Gene.  If I’ve done something to hurt or upset you, I want to know.”  He could hear the genuine confusion in her voice and the hint of fear that maybe she had ruined this relationship too.  He closed his eyes and willed her to go away.  He couldn’t handle this right now.

 

“‘Gene.  Please, don’t do this to me.”  Marlena whispered softly as she leaned her head against the door and took a breath to steady herself.  It was a moment later when she heard the tell-tale sound of footsteps in the room behind the door.   She stood up straight and tried again to draw on the strength that lay hidden inside her.  Some days it was more accessible than others.  Today it seemed, it was hiding all together.

 

The lock clicked, and the door opened.  Eugene’s pale face appeared from behind the barrier.  His hair appeared disheveled, and his eyes were suspiciously puffy.

 

“Eugene…”   Marlena started but was forestalled by Q’s hand on her arm.

 

“Don’t say it.”  His voice was soft, but he shook his head with conviction.  Marlena’s eyes widened again as she looked at him.  He was the strength that she had been drawing on, but she had hardly stopped to think what it might be doing to him.

“‘Gene, I’m sorry-” the little utterance caught him off-guard and he whirled around to the window.

 

“It’s not your fault Marlena.  It’s just one of those things.”  He shrugged nonchalantly.  Behind him, Marlena shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.  It just seemed so unfair that she kept hurting those she loved.

 

“I….I never meant to hurt you.”  Her voice sounded distant and bewildered and something in the inflection made Q turn back to her.  The chaos in her hazel eyes made him feel almost guilty and he gently brushed her cheek with his index finger.

 

“You didn’t hurt me.  I know how you feel about John.  I know you love him, and that’s the way it should be.”  

 

He gently took her arm and led her to the bed where she sat down next to him, her arms still creating a protective band around her body.  “Marlena it’s okay.  Really.  You can’t help the way you feel, just like I can’t help the way I feel.”  Her slight flinch at his words put a furrow in his forehead.  “I’m sorry if that makes you feel awkward.”

 

“I just…,” she shook her head and twisted her hands around each other.  “I just don’t know what to do.”  She looked up at him, suddenly seeming very young.  “I keep thinking maybe I could have done something, or *not* done something.  Gene, I shouldn’t be putting you through this.”

 

Q smiled and shook his head slowly.

 

“There was nothing that you could have done.  Or not done.”  His smile became a little melancholy as he looked at her.  “You were just you.  That’s all you ever needed to be.”

 

“Oh…”  Marlena’s voice caught as her tears started afresh.

 

“It’s okay.”  Q told her as he leaned close to enfold her in a hug.  “Really it is.  It’s all going to turn out just fine.”

******

It was later that night, after Marlena had retired to her room, and Q was alone, when Q2 reappeared.  One moment Q was looking at himself in the mirror, the next, a pair of familiar green eyes stared back at him.  Q backed away from the mirror as Q2 impossibly stepped out of the smooth glass surface.

 

Perching himself on the edge of the dresser, he crossed his arms and shook his head sardonically.

“My, my.  How the mighty have fallen.”  He grinned salaciously as he felt Q’s annoyance rise immediately.  “Really Q, I had expected more of you than to be taken down by a mere mortal female.”  Q stared at him for a moment and then, turning around, he dropped down on the bed, facing the wall.  “No defense Q?  No words of wondrous wit?”  Q2 probed obnoxiously.  “It’s not much fun for me if you sulk you know.”

 

Q remained sullenly silent.  Despite having a good deal of his power back, he was still mortal, and he still needed sleep at the end of the day.  The last thing he felt like was a verbal jousting match with Q2, after the day that he had had.  Unfortunately, knowing Q2, he was unlikely to escape it.

“So, then Q.  Reconsidering our deal, are you?”  Q2 smirked.  “Are you willing to give up your life in the Q Continuum for this pitiful existence?”  He disappeared from the dresser and rematerialized into solid form on the bed next to Q, disagreeably close.  “All for a *woman*?”

 

Q scowled at him and then turned over.  Q2 propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over Q.

“So, then Q, Q no longer and consigned to a life of boredom, children and human bodily functions.”  He leaned even closer to Q and whispered in his ear.  “She must be quite *something* Q.  Maybe I should have a look for myself.”

 

Q narrowed his eyes in anger and then broke his silence.

 

“I am not giving anything up for her.”  He retorted with extreme self-control.  “I’m carrying out our agreement exactly as planned.”  He rolled onto his back and sneered slightly.  “You needn’t get excited Q; you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

 

“Oh, no?”  Q2 raised his eyebrows.  ‘I don’t remember anywhere a clause on out agreement that allowed you to fall *in love* with the good doctor, hideous as it sounds.”  He cocked his head on one side.  “You know Q, you seem to take being a human being far too seriously.  One would almost think you might like to remain one.”

 

“Even if I was *in love* with her, as you so charmingly put that limited concept,” Q glared at Q2, “it wouldn’t interfere with what I have to do here.  My task is almost complete, and I am not about to jeopardize that.”

 

“Are you sure about that?”  Q2 asked with a modicum of seriousness.

 

“Never more so.”  Q said tiredly.  “Now if you wouldn’t mind Q, I’d like to get some sleep some time tonight.”

 

“Oh please.”  Q2 held up his hands, “don’t let me stop you.”

 

“Well I wouldn’t if you weren’t here,” Q said pointedly, his tiredness getting the better of him.

“Just remember Q,” Q2 iterated menacingly as he disappeared and then reappeared on the other side of the bed, “we see everything and we know everything.  You can’t hide from us.”

******

The doorbell roused Marlena from her book, and she smiled as the children came barreling down the staircase.  Brady pulled open the door as fast as he could, and Belle practically leapt into her father’s arms when she saw him.  Brady wasn’t very far behind her, and Marlena’s heart constricted as she watched the touching reunion.

 

She stood and walked to the staircase, leaning on the banister as she observed John telling his children how much he loved them.  A burst of laughter from three of them made her chest feel so tight it was almost painful.  For some reason she felt like the odd one out and it hurt.  Her children deserved a family, and she could easily be the one to give it to them.

As if John sensed her presence, he looked up at her.  His breath almost left him as he drank in the sight before him.  She wore a pair of cream sweat pants with a matching button-up sweatshirt.  Jogging shoes were on her feet and her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail.  Wisps of hair framed her face, which, devoid of make-up, looked utterly radiant.

 

“Hi there, Doc.”  He greeted her almost nervously.  There was no way he could have known that Marlena’s heart was pounding almost harder than his.

 

“Hi John,” she replied with a small smile.  It was strange that even though she felt more uneasy around John than ever before, she still didn’t want this moment to end.  “How are you?”

 

“Better now that I’ve seen you all,” he told her honestly.  He looked at her attire again and then grinned.  “So, are you coming with us to the zoo then?”   Marlena looked down at her clothes and then looked up at him through her eyelashes and gave an involuntary laugh. 

 

“I can see why you might think that, but no.”  Her face became serious.  “I have some things I need to do today – I have to pop into work and then I have to go and check on Carrie.  She hasn’t been well, you know.” 

 

“You could still do those things,” John attempted to persuade her, “We could just wait for you in the car.”

 

“Yeah Momma,” Brady entreated.  “You could come with us.

 

“Pwease, Mommy?”  Belle added her two cents worth to Marlena’s guilt. “Oh kids,” she crouched down and took them into her arms.  “I’d love to come with you today – but I really can’t.”  She looked up at John, her eyes unusually dark. “Really.”  John nodded his head in understanding and acceptance.

 

“C’mon guys, lets head off and leave your mom in peace to do her work.”

 

“Not just yet,” Marlena stood up, still looking at John.  “There’s something we need to discuss.  Belle, Brady, you go upstairs and get your coats and gloves please.”  The children didn’t need any more encouragement as the raced to the top of the stairs.  Marlena watched them go and then sighed as she walked into the living room.

 

“I don’t know how many times I’ve asked them not to run up that staircase.  I have these terrible visions of one of them falling down and…” she broke off, unable to even voice the fears that one of her children might be hurt.

 

“They’ll be okay Doc, but if you like, I could have a talk to them,” John offered.  

 

He was standing so close behind her, Marlena imagined she could almost feel his breath on the back of her neck.  She fought hard not to let him know how much his closeness affected her, but she lost with a small shiver that shook her body.  John sensed it immediately.

 

“Are you okay Doc?  Are you cold?  Can I get you anything?” he asked with obvious concern.  Marlena took a calming breath and then moved away from him before turning round and covering her reaction to him with a smile.

“I’m fine John, thanks.  And yes, it would be a help if you could talk to the kids for me.  I’d appreciate that.”  She looked down and was shocked to see that she had been clenching her fists unconsciously.  She quickly relaxed them and crossed her arms in front of herself, hoping John hadn’t seen.  He didn’t give any indication if he had.  

 

“Actually John, that wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”

 

“What was it then Doc?”  John asked, schooling his features into neutrality.  He had sensed her reaction to his proximity several moments ago.  And then there were her fists which she had suddenly become aware of and had been at pains to hide.  He knew her well enough to know what those signs meant, but he couldn’t push her too far or too hard.  She had to come to him when she was ready and not before.

 

“I got a call from your message service on Friday to say that you would pick the kids up *tonight*.”  John looked confused for a moment as he tried to understand what she was telling him.

 

“But I’d already told you that I was picking them up today,” he said, frowning, “and I had already fired the message service.  Why the hell would they be calling you trying to change my plans?”

 

“Well, I wondered kind of the same thing.”  Marlena raised her eyebrows.  “But when I told the woman that you said you’d had plans tonight she got a little flustered.  She kept on insisting that she’d check back with you, and she didn’t seem at all happy when I said I’d do it myself.”

 

“But you didn’t check.”  John shook his head.

 

“I tried to,” Marlena shrugged her shoulders, “but the receptionist told me you were in a meeting all afternoon and couldn’t be disturbed.”

 

“*What*?!”  John exclaimed.

 

“You weren’t in a meeting?”  Marlena felt a little shiver go through her.  Something definitely odd was going on.

 

“I certainly wasn’t,” John told her indignantly, “in fact I was sitting staring at the phone wondering if I should call you to confirm.” 

 

“Curiouser and curiouser,” Marlena muttered half to herself.

 

“I think it’s a little more than curious Doc,” John said, anger threading his voice.  “Something is going on here and I don’t like it.”

 

“The woman’s name was Cera, if you want to check it out.”  Marlena told him as the children ran back down the stairs.  “I think it’s entirely possible that something or *someone* is behind these misunderstanding’s that we’ve been having.”

 

“Yeah, and I don’t think it’ll take much of a guess as to who.”  John glowered.  “I’ll check it out as soon as I can, Doc.”

 

“Weady to go Daddy!”  Belle stood, hands on hips by the front door.

 

“I guess you’d better go then!”  Marlena laughed at her daughter’s insistence.  She didn’t ever think she had seen a little girl with such a strong personality.

 

“Guess so.”  John smiled back at Marlena, his eyes crinkling at the corner in a way that flooded Marlena’s mind with memories.  She was so far away that she wasn’t expecting it when he leaned over and brushed his lips past her cheek.  Still smiling at her, he walked to the door with the children and opened it.

 

“Say bye to your mom, kids,” he instructed.

 

“Bye Mommy.”  Belle and Brady chorused as they ran through the door.

 

“Bye Marlena, I’ll talk to you later.”  John winked and then closed the door behind him, leaving an unnerved Marlena standing in the center of the living room.

******

It was nine in the morning on Monday when John met Kristen at University Hospital where she was to undergo the amniocentesis test.  Her demeanor hadn’t changed, only she was a little more sickeningly simpering than she had been the other day.  Just the sight of her made John’s stomach turn but he had to keep his feeling under wraps until things were settled and safe again.

 

“Hi Kristen,” John greeted her coolly.

 

“Hi John.”  She smiled ingratiatingly.  “Thanks for meeting me, I’m so nervous about this procedure, after what has already happened in this pregnancy.”

 

“Mike said it would be safe now Kristen.  You’re past the danger stage.”  John’s voice was forced as he tried to work out whether Kristen was trying to back out of this now or whether this was just another guilt trip, she was sending him on.

 

“I know,” Kristen nodded her head, “I’m just nervous John.  After all, I have had two miscarriages in a year.  You can’t blame me for feeling sensitive.”

 

“I’m not blaming you, Kristen.  I’m just trying to tell you that we wouldn’t be doing this if Mike or I thought there was any danger.”  He looked at her searchingly.  “After all, this is my child too.  Right?”

 

Mike interrupted them before Kristen could give her answer, but she gave John a curious look which spoke of the wronged woman, yet edged with an air of quiet victory before she followed the doctor down the hall.  John stood for a moment, trying to interpret Kristen’s reaction.  He knew he should really give up even trying.  She was a master at manipulation and deceit and as long as he lived, he would never be able to understand the warped impulses that drove her.  With slumped shoulders, he followed them down the hall and into the examination room where he had promised Kristen he would stay with her while she underwent the test.

 

After a sample of the amniotic liquid surrounding the fetus in Kristen’s womb had been collected, John waited outside while she got dressed and ready to leave.  In the time he had to mull over this situation, he wondered whether he should go and tell Marlena about what was happening.  After a few moments, he decided against it.  There was still the distinct possibility that this was his child, and he wouldn’t put Marlena through that if there was no need.  He would just wait and if the results came in the way he suspected, he could tell her then.

 

He stood as  Kristen exited the room, Mike close behind her.

 

“Okay?”  John asked the question, aimed generally at both of them.  Kristen nodded and Mike followed her lead.

 

“Everything went very smoothly,” Mike told the pair.  “There were no complications, and we should be seeing the results by the end of the week.”  

 

“You’ll let me know as soon as they’re in?”  John queried Mike.  He wanted to see the results before Kristen did.  That way he would be able to decide his next move without her interference.

 

“Sure.”  Mike nodded his head and then turned to Kristen.  “Now remember what I told you.  Take it easy for the next few days.”

 

“But you said everything was fine.”  John interrupted abruptly.

 

“Everything *is* just fine.”  Mike assured him.  ‘There’s just no point in Kristen taking any risks that’s all.”

 

“John, I’m fine and our baby is fine,” Kristen told him pointedly.  “Now can we go please?”  She was tired and her anger at this farce that John was putting her through was surfacing.  She wanted to get out of this mausoleum before she totally lost it.

 

“Sure.”  John nodded.  “I’ll see you to your car.”  He wasn’t about to give in to Kristen’s maneuvering now.  He had to get out of here and away from her.  

 

And then the next stage was to wait.

 

Chapter 38 – Shock Value

Marlena sat alone in her room, staring at the soft blue walls.  She was the only one home this afternoon and she treasured the solitude.  The past few days had been a blur of work and children and the latest psychiatry journal from work lay buried and unopened in the plush quilt.  She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes again.  Outside the window the last snow of the winter drifted past the balcony doors, creating a translucent veil to the world outside.

 

She discarded the glasses and lying back she sank into the recent past.  It had been such a short time ago that John had been in this room with her, in this bed with her.  The months that had passed had not dimmed the clarity of those memories and it almost hurt to recall how happy she had been for those few brief hours.  She pulled a pillow into her arms and hugged it tight as she gazed at the ceiling.  She felt as though she were dislocated from herself.  There was an odd feeling of non-being that she couldn’t make sense of.  Nothing was right and it seemed as though it was impossible to resolve it within herself.  Dear Lord, she prayed, I feel so confused, please give me some guidance.  I don’t know where I am any more.  It seems I hardly know who I am.  I need to be strong for Belle and Brady, but I don’t know where to find that strength any more….

 

Her meditation was disturbed by the sound of a door closing downstairs and Marlena opened her eyes immediately.  The soft footsteps up the staircase sounded familiar to her ear but she was wary anyway.  By the time the soft knock came at her door she was tense enough to spring from the bed if need be.

 

“Who is it?”  Her voice was tentative, as if she wasn’t quite sure that she wanted to give away the fact that she was here.  But whomever it was, they were in her house now.  It was a little late for playing absent.

 

“Mom, it’s me, Sami.”  The soft voice slid easily through the cracks in the door frame.  Marlena relaxed slightly.

 

“Come in sweetie,” she invited.  

 

The door opened and Sami looked hesitantly around the room.  Her mother was sitting in the middle of the crumpled bed, clutching a pillow to her chest.  For some reason today she seemed dwarfed by the large room and king-sized bed.

 

“I’m sorry Mom – I didn’t mean to disturb you.  I wasn’t sure that there was anyone here.  You didn’t answer the door when I knocked.”  The last almost sounded like an accusation and Marlena wondered where that had come from.

 

“I didn’t hear it Sami.  I guess I was lost in my daydreams.”  She smiled and patted the quilt next to her.  “Come in honey.”

 

Sami’s sweet smile shone through the front of stand-offishness she habitually wore.

 

“I wouldn’t have let myself in Mom, but Grant wanted to see Casablanca and I said I’d borrow it from you so we could watch it tonight.”  She threw herself on the bed next to Marlena and half lay down.  

“So, what are you up to then?”

 

“Oh you know,” Marlena smiled, lying back down herself, “a bit of this and a bit of that and not much of anything.”

 

“Work?”  Sami picked up the journal and glanced at the article Marlena had been reading.  “Habitual Markers of Obsessive Psychosis?  Gee Mom, that looks thrilling!”  she remarked sarcastically as she dropped the book back on the bed.

 

“It actually is very interesting.”  Marlena replied in all seriousness.  Obsessiveness was something she was all too familiar with, even in her own family.  Still, she didn’t want to get into another argument with her daughter.  She was too tired to argue.  “So, what have you been doing with yourself Sami-girl?”

 

“Grant and I took Will to the ice-rink this morning,” Sami grinned, her cheeks tinged pink with the memory of a wonderful morning.  “We had such a great time.  Grant even rented a pair of tiny boots for Will and took him around the ice.”  She shook the long blonde hair out of her eyes.  “Will just thought it was the greatest thing.  I’m so glad we got to do it before Spring hits.  Will’s growing so fast…”  She stopped as she saw the expression on her mother’s face.  “What Mom?”

 

Marlena’s smile transformed her face, her skin becoming almost luminous and her eyes shining a brilliant shade of hazel.  She shook her head. 

 

“It’s nothing sweetie, I was just thinking how right you are.  They do grow up so fast, don’t they?”  She reached out to brush the hair from Sami’s eyes, but the young girl’s face hardened as she pulled away from her mother and flicked her head back herself.

 

“Don’t lie to me Mother,” Sami demanded, “what were you really thinking?”

 

“Oh, Sami.”  Marlena shook her head and closed her eyes.  Why do you always have to push it Sami?  Why can’t you just let things be?  “It wasn’t important.”  

 

Marlena opened her eyes and looked at her daughter,  Sami looked like a stranger again.  It seemed that every time they almost made it back on track, she did something to make Sami turn away from her again and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could take it.  She wasn’t strong enough to take the rejection anymore.  How could she forgive herself if her own daughter wouldn’t forgive her?

 

“It was important enough for you to look at me like that.”  Sami wasn’t about to give in.  She had to win this fight just as she had to win every other.  It was the only way she knew to keep control of her life.  Never let anyone in, never let anyone know the real you and there’ll never be anyone that can really hurt you. “I want to know what it was.”  Marlena, her face so radiant a moment ago now looked resigned, and Sami caught a fragment of the pain that she fought so well to hide.  But as usual, she wouldn’t let herself feel the guilt.  She had convinced herself for so long that there was nothing to feel guilty about that it was an automatic reaction.  She was the victim.

******

 

It was the end of a long week and Cory Seymour really wanted to get out of the lab.  He had a weekend booked with his wife Melissa and their two young daughters, Rebecca and Paige.  They were heading up to the mountains for a long weekend and Cory’s mind kept straying to the log fire.  The log fire that Paige was conceived in front of four years ago.  He was hoping that this occasion would produce something just as wonderful.

However, before he could leave for the day there was one final analysis that had to be done.  It was a rush job, but with all the other rush jobs they’d had in the last few days, he hadn’t had a chance to get to this one.  Till now.  He picked up the rack of vials.  Two contained a clear fluid, the other four, blood samples.  Each was numbered.  Cory sighed.  Another boring paternity test.  This should be pretty simple.

******

A soft and unbidden sigh escaped Marlena’s lips.  She couldn’t look into her daughter’s eyes as she slipped off the bed and made her way to the window.

 

“MOM!”  Sami insisted.  Marlena steeled herself and turned to the blonde girl on the bed.

 

“I’m worried about the amount of time you’re spending with Austin’s friend, Samantha.”  She bit her lower lip so hard it hurt as she looked at Sami’s shocked face.

 

“What?!”  Sami exclaimed.

 

“I’m just worried for you honey.  I don’t want to see you getting hurt.”  Marlena rushed to explain.  She had known Sami would take this all wrong, that was why she had tried to avoid the subject.  Sami couldn’t or wouldn’t see that what she said was out of concern.  She automatically heard any comment that came out of her mother’s mouth as a criticism.

 

“Mother, I’m not a child!”  Sami snapped angrily.  “I can make my own decisions about who I see.”

 

“I never said you couldn’t honey.”  Marlena tried to smooth over the damage.  “It’s just, well, how much do you know about him?  I know that Austin was into some pretty rough things back in Boston.”  She walked towards the bed and crouched down in front of Sami.  “I just need to know that you’re safe.”

 

“Oh, so because he knew Austin back in Boston, he has to be trouble and no good for me, is that it?”  The anger flared in Sami’s eyes.  “I would have thought you would have been happy,” she said snidely, “after all, it keeps me away from your precious Carrie’s husband.”

 

“Samantha.”  Marlena said calmly but with presence as she stood up.  “I’m not trying to question your judgment -”  

 

“Oh, stupid me, I thought that was exactly what you were doing.”  Sami interrupted.  “It’s pretty hypocritical Mother, considering your own state of *affairs*.”

 

Marlena paused for a moment, trying to gain some composure and some balance.  She had expected Sami to react badly, but she hadn’t expected this vitriolic an attack.

 

“Sami, I am just trying to ascertain how well you know this young man.  I am not criticizing you.  I am not criticizing your choices.  I’m just worried about you.”

“Yeah sure.”  Sami nodded; her bright blue eyes icily cold.  “Well, I’m fine.  And Grant, yep, that’s his name, well he’s just great.  So, you don’t need to do your motherly duty and worry about me okay?”  She turned away from Marlena and slid off the bed.  

 

She looked pointedly at the drawer where the journal was back in its place.  

“Perhaps you would do better to spend your time worrying about your *own* life,” she suggested acidly.  “After all, it doesn’t seem as if you’re making a very good job of it.”

******

Carrie sat at her desk and stared at the sandwich.  It was straight tuna on rye with a touch of mayonnaise.  Normally she would have wolfed it down and then gotten straight on with her work.  But this wasn’t normal.  This definitely wasn’t normal.  

 

She had expected this flu to pass.  When it hadn’t gone in 24 hours, she had reasoned that it must be one of those strains that lasted a few days.  But then a few days had passed, and she was feeling worse rather than better.  She planted her elbows on her desk and dropped her heads into her hand.  She moaned as she caught a whiff of the tuna.  This wasn’t good.  At all.

 

“Carrie?”  Jenn’s voice reached her through the fog of nausea.  “Carrie, are you okay?”  The concern was nice, but Carrie really couldn’t think about that right now.  Right now, she had something more important to worry about.  

 

“Excuse me,” she muttered hastily before she slapped her hand over her mouth and raced for the bathroom.

******

“Sami, you’re not being fair.”  Marlena spoke Sami’s back.

 

“Oh, it’s alright for you to pass judgment on my life, but not for me to pass it on yours.”  Sami balled her right hand up into a fist in an unconscious imitation of her mother.  “You meet someone that you haven’t even talked to for ten years, invite him into your home, let him look after your children.  How do you know where he’s been?”  Marlena winced and rubbed her forehead with the heel of her palm trying to extinguish the ache that was burning there.

 

“You’re not turning this around on me Sami.”  

 

Sami wheeled around and walked back to her mother, the anger and the hurt showing plainly.

 

“Why not Mom, hit too close to the bone?”  She clenched her teeth.  “How do you know where he’s been?  He could have been anywhere.  In jail.  In an asylum,” she laughed ironically, “after all, you put him in one yourself not that long ago.  How come you trust him when you don’t even trust me to sort out my own life.”

 

“I do trust you baby,”  Marlena tried, but Sami wasn’t listening.

“I don’t understand you Mom.  You invite this virtual stranger into your home and then you turn to him when you won’t turn to any of us.  You’ve thrown away what you had with John, God knows where Daddy is and you are here, living a farce of an existence with *him*.”   Marlena flinched at Sami’s tone.  “I mean, is he *ever* going to leave here?  Or is he going to live with you forever?”

Marlena’s rapid intake of breath gave away her surprise.

 

“Sami, I don’t think -”  

 

“Look, don’t give me that garbage.”  Sami’s voice raised as her face reddened.  “What exactly does he want from you Mom?  And what exactly are you willing to give him?”

******

Cory finished prepping the samples and set them down on the workbench.  They would take a little time before they were ready to be analyzed and he was dying for an espresso.  Looking around the laboratory he walked to the door and locked it carefully behind him.  He looked at his watch.  He was going to have to call Melissa.  It looked as if he was going to be home a little later than he had anticipated.

******

Jenn watched Carrie with concern as she came back from the bathroom.  Besides being a little pallid, there was no other indication that Carrie wasn’t in perfect health.

 

“Carrie, are you okay?” she asked as Carrie brushed past.

“Fine thanks Jenn.”  Carrie managed a wan smile as she sat back down at her desk.  Was there something you wanted to see me about?”

 

“Oh,” Jenn looked crestfallen, “you’ve forgotten.”  

 

Carrie’s eyes widened as she looked at Jenn.  

 

“Oh Jenn, I’m so sorry.  I’ve just had so much going on…,” she clenched her teeth and looked down at the desk as another wave of nausea swept through her body.

 

“Carrie?”  Jenn came to the desk and crouched down by Carrie’s chair.  “You’re really not well, are you?”

 

“Just a touch of the flu,” Carrie managed in a croak before she clamped her hand over her mouth again.  The nausea thankfully passed, and she threw the sandwich quickly in the bin.  Jenn looked at the bin and then at Carrie.  A smile played around her lips.

 

“Are you sure it’s the flu?”  she offered playfully.

 

“What else could it be?”  Carrie replied tiredly and with seeming disinterest.

 

“That’s a good question.”  Jenn stood up with a smile.  “Wait there.  I’ll be back in a few moments.”

******

“I don’t like what you’re insinuating Sami.”  Marlena’s voice was cold, and Sami took a step back in surprise.  “Eugene is my friend.  I am helping him out by letting him stay here for a while.  He is helping me out by being my friend and *not* judging me.  I trust him.”  She looked at Sami and her face softened a little.  “Just like I trust you sweetheart.  I’m sorry if I hurt you.  My fears were obviously unfounded, and I hope you’ll forgive me.”  She held her hand out to Sami, but the younger woman only regarded her with suspicion.  “Sami, I don’t want to fight with you.  I’m so tired of this unending war between us.  I had hoped we’d put it behind us.”

 

“Obviously not.”  Sami said her trembling chin belying her calm demeanor.  “You can’t utter a couple of words and make it alright Mom.  You don’t like Grant and I don’t like Eugene.  Nothing’s going to change those facts.”

 

“I never said -”

 

“You didn’t have to.”  Sami’s eyes filled with tears.  “I could see it in your face Mom.  Nothing I ever did was good enough for you.  I never lived up to the standards you set.”  The moisture spilled from her eyes and slid down her cheeks, so like her mother’s.  “You expected me to live up to them when you couldn’t even do it yourself.”

 

“That’s not true baby!”  Marlena exclaimed; her soul filled with a voluminous aching.

 

“It *is* true.  You were always disappointed in me.  I could never be as clever or as pretty or as wonderfully *good* as you, or Carrie.  I tried but I just couldn’t.”  She wiped the tears from her face, which took on a defiant expression.  “So, I stopped trying.”  She smiled bitterly.  “And now I’m the bad girl in the family.”

 

“Sami.”  Marlena didn’t know how to fix this.  She was a psychiatrist, and she should have seen this coming.  But like everything lately, it had hit her from nowhere.  The tears on her cheeks mirrored Sami’s.

 

“*No*.  Just don’t, okay?”  Sami bit her lip as her mother stopped her advance towards her.  “Just don’t.”    

 

One more step from Marlena sent Sami flying out of the room and down the stairs.  By the time Marlena reached the top of the stairs, the front door had slammed shut behind the confused young girl and Marlena was left alone in the penthouse.

 

“Damn!  DAMN!”  Marlena hit the banister with the palm of her hand and then sank onto the top step.  Hugging her knees close to her chest, she wondered how she had managed to precipitate this latest mess.

******

Carrie looked up from her paperwork to see a smiling Jenn in front of her.  She handed Carrie the paper bag she held in her hand.

 

“What’s this?” Carrie asked, a little confused.

 

“Well, if you opened it, you’d find out.”  Jenn raised her eyebrows and sat down in the chair in front of Carrie’s desk.  “It shouldn’t take long.”  Carrie’s brow wrinkled as she opened the bag and pulled out the box.  The surprise on her face told Jenn that she had never even considered the possibility.

 

“Jenn no!”  she exclaimed.

 

“Well, is it so impossible?”  Jenn asked, leaning forward, her elbows on the desk.  

 

Carrie looked at the box and then back at her friend.

 

“I guess not.”  The look of surprise was replaced by a slowly dawning smile.  “Wow.  Do you really think that…?”  She looked up at Jenn.

 

“Why don’t you do it and find out?”  Jenn urged.  

 

Carrie looked at the box one more time and then nodded.  Jenn watched her put it back in the paper and bag and quickly make her way from the bathroom.  It was several minutes later that she emerged with a beautiful smile gracing her face.  Jenn beamed at her reaction.  Carrie came into the office, dropped down into the chair behind the desk and looked at Jenn, her eyes wide.

 

“You were right Jenn.  You were really right.”  She shook her head and then looked at her stomach, laying a protective hand on it as her heart swelled with love.  “I can’t believe it.  I’m going to be a mommy.”

******

Cory yawned as he processed the sheets of DNA.  This seemed to be taking forever.  Melissa hadn’t been pleased when he had called, but with any luck he could be out of here and quarter of an hour.  He finished and spread the resulting sheets on the desk in front of him.  He pulled one of the sheets and placed it next to the DNA sample from the amniotic fluid.  Yep, there it is.  He smiled.  Someone was going to be happy, or unhappy, whatever the case may be.  Discarding that sheet, he picked up the second one and lay it next to the original.  It was just seconds before it hit him square in the face.  What the hell?  

 

He picked up the discarded sheet and checked it again and then checked the numbers on the vials.  No, that was definitely right.  He looked at the sheets again. But that’s definitely not right.  He sighed and rubbed his eyes, hidden under his glasses.  He suddenly had a terrible headache that was centered right behind his eyes.  He looked at the charts again.  They were still the same.  He looked at his watch.  Melissa was going to kill him.

Chapter 39 – Tickle-Me-Q

Carrie paced the staff lounge nervously.  She had decided the previous day that she was going to wait to get her pregnancy confirmed before telling anyone.  Including her husband.  It was Friday afternoon and the pace of life in the hospital seemed frantic, in stark contrast to the corporate world where everyone was winding down for the weekend.  

 

She was waiting on an appointment with one of the staff doctors and she was getting more and more nervous as the doctor’s appointment ran later and later.  She was getting ready to leave when a nurse finally entered the lounge to tell her that the doctor was ready for her.  With a deep inhalation, Carrie gathered her purse and her nerves and followed the nurse from the room.

******

 

Marlena had barely made it down the stairs before her children threw themselves at her, clutching her legs and giggling.  She laughed with them as Q came out of the kitchen, his face dusted with little floury handprints.  The children squealed and ducked behind her legs as he advanced toward them.

“I am gonna get you two,” he called with a smile.  Belle squealed and grabbed a tighter grip of Marlena’s leg.

 

“Mommy!”  Brady called, entreating Marlena to waylay Eugene on their behalf.  Marlena only laughed.

 

“Oh no, you two got yourselves into this, you can get yourselves out.”  She grinned at Q who winked back at her as he neared the trio, his own floury hands outstretched.

 

“It’s time for the revenge of the flour-man,” he called to the children as they let go of their mother’s legs and dashed up the steps, giggles overcoming them as they reached the head of the staircase. 

 

“Can’t cats uu-ss!”  Belle provoked through the banister.  “We get away fwom you.”  She giggled and then pursued Brady into his bedroom, the door slamming behind the twin terrors.  Q looked at Marlena and rolled his eyes.

 

“I swear those two beat me every time.”

 

“Only because you let them.”  Marlena answered with a mischievous smile.

 

“Shh….don’t tell them that.”  The twinkle in Q’s eyes had an answering counterpart in Marlena’s.

“It’s much more fun this way.”  He looked at he again, from under his eyelids.  “Maybe if there was two of us….it’d be a more even match…”

 

“I think that rather depends on your definition of even.”  Marlena raised her eyebrows, the smile transforming her face into an impish rendition of Sami’s.  “But it sounds like fun to me.”  

 

Without another word, she turned on her heel and raced for the stairs, Eugene in hot pursuit.

******

John yawned as he rolled over.  He buried his arms below the pillow, bunching the sides up against his ears in a futile attempt to block out the sound from the street below.  The sound of the jackhammer tore insistently at his skull however and he was forced to open his bleary eyes.  The red blurs on the dresser resolved into numbers which told him that it was after ten in the morning.  Two hours after he had been due at work.

 

He swore under his breath as he rubbed his face, attempting to get some feeling back into the nerve-endings that littered his skin.  The lack of sleep was beginning to tell.  

 

It had been two the previous morning before sleep had claimed him.  He seemed to have a lot of trouble sleeping these days.  He lay awake, it seemed for endless nights, wondering what else he could do in his efforts to woo Marlena back into his life.  Occasionally, at one or two in the morning, he would have a brainstorm, a wonderful idea that would convince him that he would win her back. More often though, he struggled with the despair that dogged him almost constantly, that etched itself into his consciousness.

 

He was beginning to wonder if she would ever care again.

 

There had been a specific moment when his hope had begun to ebb, when his belief in himself and her enduring love for him had begun to fade.  It had been after he had sent *the* gift.  Of all of that he had sent, there was one special parcel that he had been sure would turn her heart and her eyes in his direction.  He had waited with such hope, but there had been no word from her.  It was then that he had begun to doubt himself.  Himself and her love for him.  

 

Her words echoed emptily and mercilessly in his ears.   That’s not fair?  You have no *idea* of what’s unfair.  What’s unfair is all the time and life and love I have sacrificed for you….. He could still see her face and the pain in her eyes….  You have *hurt* me so much.  And I don’t think I can ever forgive you…..  It had all been his fault.  She had suffered for his foolish actions.  Love isn’t enough anymore John.  There’s too much water under that bridge…… And now he was paying the consequences.

******

Carrie was a million miles from Salem when she walked into Dr. Mike Horton.

“Hey!”  He put out his hands to steady her, “Take it easy there.  You could hurt yourself.”

“Wha-?”  Carrie. Looked up at Mike, her eyes slightly dazed.  “Oh, sorry Mike.”

“Are you okay?”  Mike asked with concern.  The lack of an adequate answer impelled him to lead her gently to a chair and sit her down.  

 

He crouched in front of her.  “Carrie, are you alright?”   He took her hand in his, noting the coolness of her skin and rubbed it slowly.  “Carrie.”

 

She looked at him then, with large luminous eyes, full of conflicting emotions.  

 

“Mike….I…”  She faltered.  Her head told her that he should not be the first to know.  She should be at home, talking to her husband.  But suddenly she felt so afraid.  So terribly afraid.  And her heart wasn’t so sure.

******

John dried his hair with the large red towel as he made his way down the steps to the living room of the loft.  The room was just the way he had left it at midnight the previous night when he had made his way to the empty bed but somehow things seemed different, almost as though he was looking at them through new eyes.  He had no idea how or why, but it was almost as though things had changed overnight.

 

The loft was inherently imbued with memories.  Of friends, of children, of lost loves.  The time he had spent here with Isabella was etched in his memories.  When they had married, when they had brought Brady home, when she had told him…..  

 

John picked up a photo in a plain silver frame.  It was the only picture of Isabella he still had displayed.  It was of she and Brady, shortly after the baby’s birth.  His fingers ran over Isabella’s face, and he managed a trembling smile.  He hoped she understood, where-ever she was.  Understood his love for Marlena, understood that his love for Marlena had never died even when he had been married to her.  That that had not diminished his love for *her*.  It had just been an undeniable fact.  Although he had tried to deny it long and hard.

 

He put the picture down on the polished wood surface of the side table and looked around the loft.  It was still the same old loft – but this morning it looked different.  The furniture was the same, the memories were still the same but still, there was something he couldn’t put his finger on.  He couldn’t explain it but somehow it felt like a new starting place.

******

Mike felt Carrie’s hands begin to tremble and he tightened his grip on them.  Carrie looked into his eyes and saw the concern and honesty there.  She averted her own eyes and took a deep breath.

“Mike, I just had it confirmed that I’m pregnant.”

 

“That’s great news.”  Mike smiled.  When Carrie didn’t return his smile, his face became serious.  

“Isn’t it?”  

 

Carrie looked up at him again, her eyes miserable.  “I don’t know Mike; I really don’t know.”

 

Mike felt eyes on him and looked up to see the nurses at the nurse’s station staring at him curiously.

“Listen Carrie,” he said gently, “if you want to talk about this, we can go to my office.  There’ll be a little more peace and quiet there.”  Carrie nodded wordlessly and followed him to the office where he offered her a cup of tea.  She accepted and she attempted to gather her thoughts as Mike left the room.  When he returned, she felt slightly more composed.

 

He handed her the mug of steaming liquid and then sat down in the chair next to hers.

 

“Now you want to tell me what the problem is?” he asked.  Carrie was silent as she stared at her hands which were curled around the mug trying to garner some warmth. “Carrie, you don’t have to talk to me about this, but I do think you should talk to someone.  You’re obviously upset, and I don’t think you should be driving home in this state.”  Carrie looked up at him, her eyes glimmering with tears, a self-deprecating smile gracing her face.

“I know, you’re right…. it’s just…” she wiped at the tears which tumbled down her cheeks,  “I didn’t think I’d feel like this and I feel so guilty.”

 

“Feel like what Carrie?”  Mike probed gently.  Carrie looked at his kind face again and her stomach unknotted a little.

 

“Last night when I did the home test I was over the moon, but this morning, I’m really afraid Mike.”  Mike noted the tightness of her hands around the mug, the knuckles almost white from the pressure that she was feeling.  “I don’t know if I’m ready to have a child, and after all the pressure that Austin and I have been put under by Sami – I’m not sure that my relationship with Austin is strong enough.  I want my children to have a stable family home, with two parents that love them.  I know Marlena and Dad did their best but really, what I went through as a child isn’t what I want for my children.”  She looked at him again.  “I want my kids to feel *safe*.”

 

“That’s entirely understandable Carrie,” Mike assured her, “and it’s a fear that a lot of first-time mothers go through, especially ones who have been through what you have.”

 

“No offense Mike,” Carrie’s face broke into a smile “but I don’t think that many people could claim to have had my sort of life.”  Mike laughed.

 

“You’re probably right – but that gives you all the more reason to be feeling like this.”  As another thought struck her, Carrie’s face fell a little.

 

“And then there’s my mother,” she pointed out.  “I love her dearly but Mike, she really sucks in the motherhood department.”  Mike leant his head on one side.

 

“That doesn’t mean that you will follow suit Carrie,” he said understanding the implicit nature of her comment.  “You’re a great person.  You’re a lovely, caring young woman and I can’t think of a better candidate for motherhood than you.”  Carrie blushed slightly as her nerves loosened a little.

 

“I’m just afraid that I’ll make a hash of it and my child will be miserable.  I couldn’t bear that.”

 

“It won’t happen.”  Mike told her with firmness.  He knew so well how she was feeling, he had suffered from the same fears before Jeremy had been born.  “You have so much love to give Carrie.  I can’t pretend that parenthood is easy, it’s not.  But it is ultimately the most rewarding experience you’ll probably ever have.”  Carrie caught the far-away look that filled his eyes but for the briefest of moments and she laid her hand on his.

 

“You miss Jeremy, don’t you?”    Mike blinked and then nodded.

 

“We talk on the phone monthly and I get cards every so often, but it’s not the same.”

 

Any further conversation was forestalled by a knock on the door.  Mike rose to let the nurse behind the knock in.

 

“Hi Mike,” she greeted him as she juggled the sheaves of papers that filled her arms.

 

“Hi Chelly,” he winked at her, “do you want a hand there?”

 

“Ah, no thank you.”  She grinned as she put the files down on his desk.  “I think I can handle it just fine.”

“So, I heard you had a date last night,” Mike teased the young woman.  “I have a bet that he was in uniform?”

 

“Well, he *wasn’t*,” Chelly laughed, “so you lose Doctor. And no, I didn’t tell him the taxi story.”

 

Carrie attempted to suppress her smile as she listened to the banter between the co-workers, there was obviously some private joke going on here that she wasn’t privy to, but the amusement seemed to be infectious.

 

“You got anything for me then?”  Mike asked as he watched her rifle through the pile of papers.

 

“Why Doctor, I’m shocked you’d even ask such a thing.”  Chelly pulled out a manila folder with Mike’s name on it.  “But I do have some results for you if you’re interested.”

 

“Chelly, I’m always interested.”  Mike took the folder from her hands and then watched as she gathered up the pile in her arms and made her way to the door.

 

“Till later Doctor,” she fluttered her eyelashes in an exaggerated flirt as she left the room.

 

“Bye Chel.”  

 

He closed the door behind her and turned back to Carrie, somewhat surprised to see that she was readying herself to leave.

 

“You don’t have to go you know.”  He said, a little too quickly.

 

“Yeah, I do.”  Carrie smiled as she slung her purse over her shoulder and picked up her briefcase.  “I have to go and tell Austin the good news and it looks like you have some work to do.”  She nodded at the folder in Mike’s hands.

 

“Well as long as you’re sure,” Mike raised his eyebrows.

 

“I’m sure Mike.”  She nodded. “Thanks so much for the talk – you don’t know how much it helped.”  She walked up to him and looked at him for a moment before she kissed him gently on the cheek.  “You’re a great guy Mike and a great friend.  Thanks.”

 

“That’s okay.”  Mike squeezed her hand.  “Anytime I can help…”

 

“I’ll remember it, and I may take you up on it some time.”  Carrie smiled.  “Have a good weekend.”

 

“I will.”  Mike nodded as he walked her to the door.  “You too.”

 

He watched her go till she turned the corner and then turned his attention to the files he still held in his hand.  With interest he opened the folder.

******

Marlena and Eugene were in hot pursuit of Belle and Brady when the children made a break for the stairs.  

“Careful!”  Marlena stopped at the top of the staircase and watched them, her heart in her mouth.  Her fears were justified as, halfway down the stairs, Brady stumbled and tripped, launching his little body into the air.  

 

Marlena’s scream was strangled in her throat as Q’s quick intervention saved her son.  The child hovered in mid-air above the staircase as he caught his breath and calmed his jangled nerves.  Belle looked at him for a moment and then, putting her hands on her hips, she turned to Q.

 

“Hey!”  she exclaimed.  “Dat’s not fair!  Bady fwies, I gotta fwy too.”

 

“Oh is *that* right?”  Q stood next to Marlena, his eyes glittering with mischief.

 

“Dat’s *wight*!”  Belle nodded her head vigorously, her blond pigtails bouncing up and down.  “Make me fwy ‘Gee!”

 

“Belle.”  Marlena’s voice took on a warning edge.  “What do you say?”  Belle turned her head and looked at her mother with contrite eyes.  Marlena nodded her encouragement and Belle turned back to Q.

 

“Pwease Gee?”  she asked in a small voice.

 

Q sneaked a glance at Marlena and noted her almost imperceptible nod.  With a private smile he lifted the little girl leisurely off the ground to join her older brother.  Moments later, Marlena gasped as her feet left the soft carpet at the head of the staircase.

 

“Put me down Gene.  Now,” she demanded immediately.  The grin on his face told her he wasn’t about to comply.  “’GENE!”

 

“What do you say?” he teased her, as he floated to her level and gave her a small shove.

 

“Put me down, *please*,” she begged as she floated towards the children who were enveloped in laughter.  Marlena was always the one in control and they loved seeing the tables turned.

 

A small wink at the children signaled the beginning of the assault.  Along with Q they converged on Marlena and began to tickle her.  She laughed and struggled to get away, but it was almost impossible floating in mid-air.  With nothing to push off, she was stuck and at the mercy of her family.  

 

It started slowly, a few childish fingers poking her here and there, the laughs more infectious than the teasing irritation but it quickly grew until all at once, she had what felt like a hundred fingers tormenting her.  The more she struggled to get away – the more maddening the tickling became until she felt that she couldn’t breathe any longer.  Only when she could no longer squeal did the torture cease and she was left gasping for breath, while the trio of Q and the children hovered a few feet away with wicked grins coloring their faces.  

 

She held her stomach for a few moments before looking up at them, a vengeful glint in her eyes.  Her stare was directed straight at Q.

 

“I’m going to get you for this,” she warned him, a thread of humor running through the huskiness of her voice.  “Just you wait.”    Q regarded her for a moment, and felt a hint of trepidation

*****

John sat in the windowsill, ignoring the hollow wind that blew past him.  He had another photograph in his hands, but this time it was of he, Marlena, Belle and Brady.  And he was lost in a time past, a memory almost forgotten.

 

It was raining.  He could smell the rain and for a moment he couldn’t remember ever smelling anything as sweet.  But then he looked at her, her flimsy gown plastered to her body by the moisture from the heavens and he knew that there was one thing sweeter.  She was a miracle and the Lord had granted her to him.  He pulled her back against him and inhaled her scent till he was almost dizzy.  Mere hours ago, he had thought that this would never be possible again…and here she was now, leaning against him, her body melding into the familiar curves that time had wrought so unflinchingly.  

 

He ran his fingers through her hair as he held her and rested his lips against her cool skin.  He desired her, he wanted her like had never wanted anyone in his life.  He knew it was impossible.  His vows made it impossible.  Their past made it impossible.  But he still wanted her.  He needed her, not only with his body, but with the soul that he had just risked for her.  Everything told him to tell her so….to just *tell* her.  But then she turned and looked at him with glittering golden eyes and he knew he couldn’t risk hurting her any further….. whatever he was feeling, he loved her too much for that…..

 

The phone shrilled obnoxiously in John’s ear, shaking him from the past with forcefulness.  He shook his head and then climbed down from the windowsill.  He rubbed his arms, realizing how cold he was and then reached for the phone with an unconscious plea that it might be Marlena.  He was disappointed by the male voice on the other and of the line.

 

It was Mike and he had news.

 

“John, I have the results back from Kristen’s amniocentesis back.”  He paused to let John digest that piece of information before he went on.  “I need to see you as soon as possible.”

 

“Can’t you tell me over the phone?”  John’s heart was beating a little faster.  There was something there – he could hear it in Mike’s voice.

 

“No, I’m sorry John – it’s best if you come down here.”  That was all Mike was prepared to say on the matter.  

 

John left the loft several minutes later.

******

At the penthouse, the tables had been turned.  Eugene was on the ground begging for mercy.  He was not quite sure from what as he squirmed on the carpet.  Marlena was sitting on his stomach, holding him down while she and the children tickled him unrelentingly.  He was beside himself, but it wasn’t entirely from the tickling.  As a human he was as ticklish as the best of them, but …. well, this was something else.

Marlena knew that he was letting them do this to him.  He had the power to be able to remove them if he so wished.  But it seemed that he didn’t wish.  After their discussion the other day she knew that there was a possibility that she should question why this was so, but she didn’t.  Instead, she relegated the nagging little question to the background.   Why ruin such fun?  

 

It seemed to be an afternoon for interruptions in Salem as the doorbell rang.

 

“Thank the Q’s for that!”  Q exclaimed loudly as Marlena climbed off him and he was able to roll over.  One look at the children told them it was time to finish this little game.  Marlena sighed and pulled herself up off the floor.

 

“Don’t worry…I haven’t finished with you yet.”

 

“Goody….”  Q winked at her impishly.  “A challenge.”

 

“You bet.”  Marlena took up the gauntlet with a lush smile as she made it to the door.  “When you least expect it…. I’ll be there…”

 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”  Q grinned lasciviously as he watched her open the panel on the door.

 

Marlena assiduously ignored Q as she greeted the messenger at the door.  He was a thickset man with a beard and lively blue eyes, and he wore a dark blue uniform.  One hand rested on a large box which sat in the doorway while the other grasped a clipboard.

 

“Dr. Marlena Evans?” he asked as he checked the clipboard.

 

“Yes?”  Marlena couldn’t tear her eyes off the big box.  She had always *had* to know exactly what a surprise was as soon as possible.  She wasn’t big on waiting.

 

“I’m Danny from Seneno Messaging.  We had a Mr. John Black making some inquiries yesterday.  He’s an ex-client of ours and he had some problems with our service.  He asked about an employee and when some inquiries were made….,” he looked down at the box with obvious abashment, “and, ah, it seems like one of our employees was taking backhanders to make sure that you didn’t get these.”  He nodded at the box and tipped the cap back on his forehead.

 

“Oh.”  Marlena murmured absently as she looked from the box to him.

 

“Would you mind signing here then Dr. Evans?”  Marlena smiled her acknowledgment and signed the form in her neat looping script. “And where would you like it?”  Danny picked up the box and carried it inside the doorway.  Marlena indicated the floor next to the potted palm which sat in the crook of the stairwell and the delivery man placed it there.

 

“Thanks very much,” she thanked him with a smile.  He tipped his hat forward and gave a bashful grin before he departed with haste.

 

“And yet another conquest,” Q mused sardonically.

 

“Oh, shut up Eugene.”  Marlena shook her head at him exasperatedly and then turned back to the box.

“‘Pwise Momma, ‘pwise!”  Belle ran to her mother’s side.  “Gonna open it?”

“In a minute sweetie-girl, in a minute.”  Marlena looked sideways at Q.  There was a DiMera involved in this somewhere and she didn’t like it.

******

Austin looked at Carrie.

 

“You’re what?”

 

“I said I’m pregnant.”  Carrie looked at his shocked expression, her stomach doing double loops.  She had expected him to be surprised, but she hadn’t expected this sort of reaction.  “I know we didn’t plan it Austin but…..”

 

“You’re damn right we didn’t plan it!”  Austin looked at her stony faced.  He wasn’t ready for this.  He just wasn’t ready at all.

 

“It was an accident, Austin!”  Carrie hated the way it sounded like she was pleading.  He’d been as much a part of the conception of this child as she had.

 

Austin only looked at her and then turned for the door.

 

“Austin!”  Carrie’s mood shifted to anger.  “I am pregnant, and this is *our* child.  I will not have you walking out on me.  We have to sort this out.”  Austin turned around; his face full of resentment.

“What so you want me to say Carrie?”  He shrugged his shoulders.  “You’re pregnant.  I hardly think that a termination is an option.”

 

“Hardly.”  Carrie could barely get the word out.  She couldn’t believe he would even consider that.

 

“So, then we have to deal with it.”  His expression softened slightly and then his shoulders slumped.  He saw the hurt in his wife’s eyes, and he suddenly regretted every word.  “I’m sorry Carrie.  I didn’t mean it.  I was just shocked.”  He moved towards her and pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair as he tried to work through this in his head.

 

“That’s okay.”  Carrie murmered automatically as she contemplated how un-okay this really was.

******

John sat down in the chair opposite Mike’s desk.

 

“So.  What have you got for me then Mike?”  He asked with as much nonchalance as he could manage.  Inside he was as nervous as anything, and his hands clutched the arms of the chair solely to stop their shaking.  Mike looked up at him and pulled the file from the accumulation that sat in his in-tray.  He frowned as he attempted to find the best way to impart this information to John.  There wasn’t one really.

“John – we did all the DNA tests.  We did them and then we did them again.  There were all sorts of double checking going on.  But there was no mistake.  The results we have here are definitive.  There’s no way they are wrong.”

 

“Just get to the point Mike.”  John said, badly masking his anxiety.

 

“Right.”  Mike rotated the file around so that John could see the profiles lying against the white sheets of paper.  “See this profile here?”  John nodded.  “That’s you.”  Mike Took his pencil in his hand and pointed at a gene pair.  “This matches with this on the baby’s profile.  The child has your DNA.”

 

John closed his eyes and when they opened, some of the light in them had faded.

 

“So, the baby is mine.  That’s it.”

 

“That’s not *exactly* it.”  Mike deferred for a moment, letting the facts sink in.  “Something else came up.”

 

“What?”  John sounded barely interested.  He knew what he had come to find out.  The child is mine.

Mike pulled out the other DNA profile and laid it next to the sheet from the baby.

 

“This.”  He pointed at the two sheets.  “This is where we had the problem.  Why we had to go back and check so many times.”  He raised his eyebrows.   “You are the baby’s father John, but Kristen is not it’s biological mother….”

 

Chapter 40 – Motherhood

“Uh, no.  That can’t be possible Mike.”  John shook his head, the disbelief registering plainly in his eyes.  “I know that she’s done some pretty weird stuff in the past – but this is impossible.  How would she have done it?  When would she have done it?”  His brows beetled.  “*Why* on earth would she have done it?”  He shook his head again.  “No Mike.  Your guys must have made a mistake.”  

 

Mike looked at him, his face taking a solemn cast.  

 

“John, we checked, and we double checked and then we checked again.”  He laid his hands out, palms up on the desk, showing his frustration.  He could understand John not believing it.  He hardly believed it himself.  But the scientific proof was there, and it was undeniable.  “It’s not genetically Kristen’s child.”  He shook his head.  “I don’t understand how either John.  It *seems* impossible.  The timing alone seems to make it impossible.  But you have to trust me.  That child is not Kristen’s and that’s a scientifically indisputable fact.”

 

John stared at him in shock, his heart beating frantically in his chest.  This wasn’t making any sense.  “But if this child isn’t Kristen’s,” he breathed, “then whose is it?”  Mike stared at him for a long moment.  “I have no idea, John.  I was hoping you might be able to help with that.”

******

Marlena stared at the box, her breaths deep and controlled, as she tried to calm her apprehension.  This was Kristen’s doing, she knew it.  Kristen was doing her best to make sure that she and John stayed apart.  Marlena sighed.  For a while she had almost gotten her way.  A misunderstanding here, a slip-up there.  That’s all it had taken.  

 

But then Kristen had slipped up.  Or at least her lackeys had.  This box was proof of that.  She just had to find out what was in it.  But the little voice in the back of her mind held her back.  Are you really ready for what’s in there?  Are you really ready to forgive him?  And she knew she would.  Somehow, she had always known she would.

 

“Oppen it NOW, Momma!”  Belle demanded irritably.  Marlena switched her attention to Belle immediately.  It seemed like it might be nap time.

“Yeah.”  Brady chimed in.  “Open it!”  

 

Marlena looked at Q pleadingly.  He turned down her unspoken question flat as he shrugged his shoulders.  “Why don’t you just open it?”

 

“Great lot of help you are.”  Marlena muttered under her breath as she watched Belle inspect the carton.  Q appeared directly behind her, startling her as he leaned over her shoulder.

 

“I could be if only you’d ask me the right question,” he breathed into her ear.

 

“Oh, go away.”  Marlena swiped at him with her hand as she tried to ignore the innuendo that heavily threaded his lazy voice.

 

“I oppen it.”  Belle decided as she grasped hold of a piece of tape with a tiny fist.

 

“Don’t Belle!”  Brady grabbed her hand away from the box.  “Let Mommy do it.  It’s not yours.”

 

“T’is *too* mine.”  Belle argued back, her fingers tucked into her palm in a tight little ball.

 

“Is *not*.”  Brady confronted her.  “It’s Momma’s.  Don’t be *greedy* Belle.”

 

“I’s *not* gweedy Bady!”  Belle’s lower lip quivered with practiced ease.  “I jest wanned to oppen it.”

She turned to Marlena, her eyes flooding with crocodile tears.  “Bady bein’ mean Momma.”  

 

Marlena took a deep breath and then attempted an intervention.

 

It was too late, as Belle had turned back to Brady and taken a swipe at him.  Before she knew it, Marlena was in the middle of a full-scale sibling argument.

******

John stared at Mike helplessly.  He didn’t believe this could be happening, much less be able to give Mike a reasonable explanation as to how it was happening.  How could he know who Kristen had roped in to be the biological mother of this child, when he didn’t even know *how* she had managed to pull it off, or even when?  He shook his head and shrugged his leaden shoulders.

“I don’t know Mike.”  The muscles in his forehead tensed for a moment and then he leaned back in his chairs, his eyes seeking out the flaws in the ceiling, his subconscious mind wanting to be anywhere but here.  There were only so many surprises a guy could deal with at once.

 

Mike waited for several moments, watching John’s shocked face and anticipating a continuation of his sentence.  When there was no addendum forthcoming, he tried another tack.

“John, do you have any idea when Kristen may have undergone this…procedure.”  He steepled his hands together, his fingertips meeting with force as he attempted to organize his thoughts.  “This theoretically isn’t impossible, but…” he paused, “I can’t see when she could have done it.”

 

John’s eyes grew in their cerulean intensity as he struggled to think back to Paris, a time which seemed to be unusually and inexplicably hazy in his mind.  

 

“You said yourself Mike, she conceived in Paris,”  he sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingers, trying to expunge the pain that was blossoming there.  “That’s why I was so convinced that the child wasn’t mine.  I knew that Kristen and I….”  His voice faded and Mike was surprised to see the color rise in his cheeks.  He looked down at the neutral-colored carpet and then continued, giving no clue as to the source of his embarrassment.  “I thought Kristen was still pregnant in Paris.”  He shook his head, wondering how he could have been such a fool.  “We were ‘abstaining’, first of all because I was consumed with finding Doc, and then supposedly because of the delicacy of her pregnancy.”  

 

He scowled as he remembered Kristen’s sudden shying away from him.  How she wouldn’t let him touch her.  Even if he’d wanted to.  Because if he had, he would have felt the pillow that she wore beneath her dress and he would have known the lies that she had wrought in the name of ‘love’. 

 

“Of course, then we found out and…,” a look of disgust crossed his features before he schooled them back to sobriety.  “She whitewashed me again.  We came back home and ….,” the revulsion returned to his face and this time it would not be banished, like the bile that rose in his throat.  “I woke one night to find…”  John gulped deeply knowing again that he could not escape the blame.  “I shouldn’t have let it happen.  I knew then that I didn’t love her.  I suppose I’ve always known.”  

 

He looked up at the silent Mike, who had been unprepared for the confessional unleashed by the man that had once been a priest.  “I’m sorry Mike.”  He shook his head with frustration.  “I just can’t think of any time in Paris that she was away for that long.”  He raised his eyebrows.  “I assume it takes more than five minutes for this sort of thing.”   Mike nodded wordlessly and John managed a feeble smile.  “I mean she would hardly let me out of her sight the whole time she was there.”

 

“Well John,” Mike shrugged, “I really don’t know what to do next.  Unless Kristen tells us, or unless there is some way that we can work out who the mother might be…. we’ll never know.”

 

Suddenly John’s face became thoughtful as he looked toward the window.  “The biological mother of that child could be anyone but,” he looked almost surprised, “I’m not convinced that Kristen even *knows*.”  He turned back to Mike; his visage plainly lighter.  “But there maybe someone who does.”

 

“Who?”  Mike leaned forward on the desk in interest.  

 

“It’s only a possibility,” John avoided his question “But I’m going to make a phone-call.”  He stood before Mike could press his questioning further.  “Please don’t say anything to Kristen yet.  I’ll get back to you when I know something new.”

 

“If Kristen comes to me for the results, I don’t know how long I am going to be able to stall her.”  Mike warned him.  “And I am not sure that I should.”

 

“Look Mike,” John leaned on the desk, “If Kristen doesn’t know that this child is not hers and she finds out…..”  he bit his bottom lip for a moment before he continued.  “She thinks this child will bind us together and once she knows that *I* know it’s not hers, who knows what she could do.”  Mike nodded before he stood himself.

 

“I understand your reasoning, I’m just not sure I can hold her off for any length of time.”  

 

“You won’t have to Mike…. with any luck I may know something in a couple of hours.”  John assured him.

 

“Okay then,” Mike pushed the phone on his desk towards John, “I have to go and do my rounds, you use the phone here in some privacy.”  He made his way to the door.  “I hope you find what you’re looking for John.”

 

John, the receiver in his hand watched Mike Horton depart.  

 

“So do I Mike, so do I.”

******

The tears were almost dried when the phone began to ring.    Marlena had Belle in the kitchen, while Q sat with Brady in the living room.  He picked up the phone, hoping to put the caller off and give Marlena a little more time with Belle as she tried to explain that it wasn’t nice to hit your brother.  Even if he was calling you names.

 

To his surprise it was not for Marlena, but for him.  And it was John.  He raised his eyebrows as John explained the bizarre situation that was unfolding, and a smile slipped onto his face.  He agreed to meet John at the hospital just as soon as he could get there.  It was time to assist John in his search for the obvious.

 

He turned off the portable phone just as Marlena, Belle on her hip, came out of the kitchen.

“Who was that?”

“Just someone who needs some help,” Q replied evasively.  “I’m going to have to go out for a couple of hours. Will you be okay?”

 

“Sure.”  Marlena smiled, none too convincingly.  “You go.”  She set Belle on the floor, wondering how on earth she was going to get through this afternoon.  Belle wasn’t showing any signs of yielding.  In that, she was as stubborn as both of her parents. 

 

 Marlena sighed inwardly as Q shut the door behind him.  Within minutes Belle had launched herself at Brady again and the battle was intensifying.  The tears, names and scratches became a little too much very quickly and Marlena was left with no option but to send the two children to their respective bedrooms.  And even there, the sobbing continued, driving Marlena almost to distraction as she questioned again why she was choosing to remain a single parent.

******

Carrie looked in the mirror and began to cry for the tenth time that day.  She could have blamed it on the hormones, but in truth it was more Austin’s reaction to the news of her pregnancy that was the reason for her tears.  Her eyes were already puffy from last night when she had cried herself to sleep as Austin had slept his sound and untroubled slumber beside her.

 

After his outburst of anger, directed at her and their child he had acted as though nothing had happened.  Yet every time Carrie had attempted to broach the subject he would ignore her or change the subject.  This was a side of him that she had never seen, or perhaps that she had chosen to ignore, until he had made it impossible for her to do so.  One thing she knew, she didn’t like it.

 

She wiped her eyes with a soft white tissue taken from a box on her dresser and picked up the phone, dialing the number she knew by heart.  If anybody could help her, advise her what to do, it would be Marlena.  Carrie trusted her stepmother more than anyone in the world.

 

But there was no answer from Marlena’s phone and Carrie put her end down with a fresh bout of tears.  Austin was due home soon and she wasn’t sure if she could take another night like the last.  She was saved from further reflection by a knock at the door.  She considered not answering it but she vetoed that idea when she realized that it could be Marlena.  

 

Wiping her eyes again she opened the front door to find Sami standing on the doorstep holding her son.  Sami took one look at Carrie and her face transformed into the picture of concern.

“What’s wrong Carrie?”  She asked worriedly as she noted pathways of tears and her red swollen eyes.

 

Carrie shook her head and turned away from the door, knowing that Sami was the last person she should tell about this.  Sami followed her into the apartment and, putting Will down, closed the door.  

 

Carrie was standing by the window staring listlessly at the darkening blue sky and Sami moved tentatively behind her.  After a few minutes she wrapped an arm around her older sister.  

 

“Please tell me what’s wrong Carrie.  I want to help if I can.”

 

“You can’t.”  Carrie said miserably.

 

“Well, I can’t if you don’t tell me.”  Sami pointed out quite reasonably.

 

Carrie closed her eyes and thought for several seconds.  It’s not like anything can get much worse.  She turned around and faced her younger sister.  She had no idea what Sami’s reaction was going to be, but at this moment it seemed almost irrelevant.  She had to tell someone.

 

“Sami, I’m having a baby.”

******

Q found John studying the walls in Mike’s office.  John heard him enter the room and turned to face him.  With no preliminary greeting, he said simply, “You knew, didn’t you?”

 

“Knew what John?”  Q knew exactly what John meant but he wasn’t about to make this easy for him.

 

“That the baby is not Kristen’s.”  John wasn’t in the mood for games.  “So how did you know, and who is the child’s mother?’

 

“Why, you’re right John,” Q grinned roguishly.  “I did know.  Now tell me how you worked that out.”

John glared at him momentarily.  

 

“It didn’t take much Eugene,” his voice was barely controlled.  “I particularly remembered you using the word *parentage*, rather than paternity.  When that came back to me, I realized that it was obvious that you had known all along.”  He neared Q, the anger flaring in his eyes.  “What I want to know now, is why you didn’t just *tell* me.”  

 

The anger, simmering barely below the surface, broke through in John’s voice and Q took a step back.

 

“I couldn’t tell you John.  You never would have believed me.  You had to find out for yourself.”

 

“How do you know I wouldn’t have believed you.”  John said, his voice almost threatening in tone.  “It’s a *bad* excuse Bradford.”

 

“Well I’m afraid I don’t have a better one for you Johnny boy,” Q sat lazily on the edge of the desk, his heavily lidded eyes brimming with something close to amusement.  “You’ll just have to trust me when I say I was not able to tell you.”

 

“Trust you?  When have you ever given me cause to trust you?”  John growled angrily, his knuckles bleaching white as he gripped the back of the chair in search of some control.

 

“Oh *please*.”  Q rolled his eyes towards the heavens.  “Spare me the dramatics will you,” he intoned with a touch of irony.  “I would have thought you would be more worried about finding out who the mother of your child is than throwing a tantrum.”  He crossed his arms in front of him and flashed John an insolent and derogatory smile.  “Of course, if you’d had half a brain in that head of yours you could have worked it out anyway.”

 

John ignored Q’s attempt at baiting him.  He knew the man too well by now to let him get under his skin.

 

“I want to know who the mother is,” he said tiredly.

 

“I’m sure you do.”  Q unfolded his arms and tapped his index finger on the desk.  “Who do you think it is?”

 

John took a deep breath, struggling with the urge to strangle this infuriating individual.

 

“If I knew that I wouldn’t be asking you, would I?”  he stated calmly.  “I have no idea Bradford, and I want you to tell me.”

******

Marlena collapsed onto the couch and slipped off her shoes.  The children were still in their rooms and the sobbing had finally slowed to almost non-existent.  She lay back against the soft cushions that lined the seat and closed her eyes for a few minutes, giving thanks for the peace that had descended upon the penthouse.  She seemed to be so short of patience at the moment and it was something that she so sorely needed to deal with the children.  Especially now that Brady was here permanently.  Only Eugene’s presence stopped her from totally losing her cool sometimes.

 

Opening her eyes, she found they rested on the coffee table in front of her.  The latest bouquet from John adorned the center of the table, the lilies that hung gracefully over the shining glass filling the air with their powerful scent.

 

The box sat in the corner, next to the potted palm, forgotten in the tears and tantrums.

******

“That’s *great* news Carrie!”  Surprisingly enough, Carrie thought, Sami seemed genuinely pleased.  It was enough to disarm her completely and the tears began to fall again.  “Carrie?”  Sami’s expression turned to one of alarm as she realized how truly miserable her sister was.  “Carrie, what’s going on?”

When Carrie didn’t answer Sami took her arm and led her to the sofa where Will was quietly playing.

“Tell me Carrie.  I want to help.”

 

Carrie looked at her younger sister and suddenly felt a wave of love and gratitude that she was there.  The tears slowed a little and she was able to calm her breathing enough to tell Sami what had happened with Austin.  At the end of her monologue, Sami looked shocked.

 

“Carrie, I can’t believe Austin would do that.”

 

“Well, he did, okay.”  Carrie said defensively, pulling away from her sister a little.

 

“Oh I didn’t mean it like that Carrie,” Sami tried to explain.  “I’m sorry, it came out wrong.  What I meant is that I didn’t realize that Austin could be like that.”  Carrie put her head in her hands.

 

“You and me both, Sami,” she said miserably.

 

“So, what are you going to do?”  Sami asked softly as she watched her own son play on the floor.

“He said we have to deal with it,” Carrie’s voice dropped an octave as she contemplated a possible future with *this* Austin.  One who she hadn’t even known and wasn’t sure she wanted to.  “So, I guess we deal with it.”

 

“But Carrie, you said he wouldn’t even talk about it.  How can you deal with it if you can’t discuss it?”  

 

Sami watched her sister’s tired face pale even further and began to worry.

******

“Well John, if the child was conceived in Paris….you must know that the mother could be just about anyone.”  Q moved some papers from the desk with a snap of the fingers and cleared himself a place to sit cross-legged.  “So, what makes you think that I would know who’s child Kristenstein is carrying?” 

 

John’s nose flared slightly, a dead giveaway to the anger he was struggling to hold back.

“I know you know.  So just give it up. Eugene or Q or whatever the hell you call yourself.”

“My, my.  So touchy!” Q, his amusement growing, incited John’s fury even further.  He knew it wouldn’t be long before John totally lost his temper and he wanted to see how far he could be pushed before he did so.  It didn’t look like it was going to be far at all.

 

He was right as John stormed up to the desk and slammed the palm of his hand on the wood next to Q’s foot.

 

“Dammit!  I have a right to know what the *hell* is happening.”  He looked Q in the eyes, his anger ready to explode.  “That woman is carrying my child and I don’t know how or why or who is the mother, and I am sick of being kept in the dark!”  Q stared straight back at him without so much as a flinch.

“And you shall know John.”  He leaned forward, forcing John onto the back foot.  “But you will have to *work* for it.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”  John muttered.

 

“Sit down John.”  Q commanded, his mood suddenly switching to one of impatience.  

 

John stood and stared at Q, defying and almost daring him.  Q only rolled his eyes.

 

“Fine then.  Don’t sit down.”  His face was deadly serious as he contemplated the man that seemed, in the last few days to have become his adversary.  “So, tell me, what was happening at that time in Paris, John?”

 

“I don’t want to play your games Bradford.  I just want to know *who* the mother of my child is!”  John growled through clenched teeth.

 

“You have no choice.  And this is *no* game, it’s all too serious.”  Q looked annoyed.  “I am trying to help you, John.  I cannot tell you, you need to piece it together.  This is the only way to do it.” 

 

“Fine.  *Whatever* you say” John sat in the chair grudgingly.

 

“Paris?”  Q asked again, getting exceedingly bored with the whole business.

 

John took a breath and forced his mind back, dredging up memories from corners that he had stuffed them in, hoping to forget.  He closed his eyes, the muscle twitching in his cheek as he remembered what he had tried so hard to forget.  The horror of thinking that he had lost Marlena yet again and then the surety he had felt that she was still alive.  His search for her which had led them to the famed city of romance.  The ordeal of the tunnels in Paris and the guillotine.  The time that Kristen had spent in hospital, not telling him that she had miscarried their child.  The search for Will….

 

He looked up at Q.

 

“We had found Marlena but then Will, Sami’s son had been kidnapped and sighted in Paris.”  He sighed.  “It was a strange time.  I felt like I didn’t have any idea what was happening half the time.”

 

“You were staying in a hotel room with Kristen?”  Q asked.

 

“I was.”  John looked revolted.  “It seems that she was pretending to still be pregnant.  What good it would have done……”  He looked up at Q, his expression one of surprise and realization.  “She told me it was because she was afraid of losing me and didn’t know how to tell me that she had lost the child.”  He shook his head.  “It wasn’t that!  She had planned another pregnancy all along.”

Chapter 41- Boxed Up

Marlena forced her eyes open and shifted her position on the couch. Sleep was gathering like a thick comforter, struggling to envelop as it shaded the edges of her consciousness.  In an effort to ward off the encroachment of the weariness that threatened, her eyes searched for something, anything to stay awake.  Seconds later and they settled on the remote control that lay on the shining surface of the table.  She smiled despite herself, wondering how on earth Eugene had managed to keep it so clean, free from small sticky digits.  Then, of course, she remembered how.

 

She reached out for the remote and then sank back into the welcoming softness.  A tap on a button produced an image that she recognized as a starship hurtling through space.  And ironic smile brushed its way across her lips as she regarded the television for a moment.  There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio, that are dreamt of in your philosophy….  

 

Another tap of a button and she found herself watching an English woman trying to teach her how to make pastry.  “Great lot of good that will do me,” she muttered to herself before she switched channels again.  

 

This one wasn’t much better.  Some woman was talking to a man in a wheelchair with bandages on his face and it seemed he was her dead ex-husband returned to life.  Marlena watched for several minutes before changing channels again with an utterance which bespoke what she thought of such drivel.

 

Finally, she gave up on the channel surfing and hit the play button hoping desperately that the Babe tape wasn’t still in the video player.  Not that she didn’t like Babe.  She had adored it.  The first ten times.  When you were getting close to three figure viewing, the talking pig began to wear a little thin.  She hoped the children would find something else soon.   She still couldn’t forget the relief when Belle’s six-month obsession with RiverDance had come to an end.  Not that she didn’t like RiverDance either.  It was just that she almost felt she could have danced every step along with them, which was of course what Belle had wanted to do every time she had seen it.

 

However, it wasn’t Babe in the video player.  She had forgotten what they had watched last.  At least she had until the image flickered into life on the screen and her heart began to pound.  

 

It seemed that she spent so much of her time and energy trying to forget him, to try and convince herself that she didn’t really care that much anymore.  Yet all she had to do was to see his handwriting or smell his cologne in the air and her heart would constrict with the loneliness and the idiocy of it all.  It infuriated her that just a look from him could reduce her to a quivering mush.  Or just the sight of him could make her heart race until she felt positively dizzy.  Somewhat like she did at this moment.

 

His words pierced through the utter tiredness she felt and the misery in his eyes reached into her soul and plucked a melancholy tune on the strings of her love.  She wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the screen, her eyes glittering in the half-light as she struggled to understand what was happening to her.

 

******

 

John studied the utilitarian hospital carpet as he attempted to piece it together in his mind.  As if it would help him concentrate, he closed his eyes and brought his fingers to his temples as he sifted through half remembered moments and diaphanous recollections.  

 

With a grunt of frustration, he looked up at Q angrily.

 

“I can’t remember alright?  It’s all so hazy.”  He shook his head as though it would clear the cobwebs that obscured the past with such tenacity.

 

“Just hazy, or unusually hazy?” Q asked, his tone imbued with the boredom he felt.  Sometimes he wondered why he bothered to help this dimwit.  It certainly couldn’t be for Marlena’s sake.

 

“Now that you mention it…”  John looked thoughtful, “it is kinda strange.  Normally I would remember events like that pretty clearly.”  He blinked as a memory slipped craftily between the layers of his consciousness.  The astonishment on his face was banished as another thought came to mind, a fact he had overlooked.  

 

“I was taking painkillers,” he exclaimed with a degree of surprise. “That must be why I can’t remember that much.  I’d injured my foot and I was feeling so tired all the time….”  He looked at Q and nodded assuredly.  “Yeah, that’s what it was.”

 

Q raised his eyebrows and let out a sound that sat somewhere between a snort and a sigh.  This was going to be a long night.

 

“Are you *sure* that’s all it was John?” he smiled patronizingly.  “I mean can you remember having *that* sort of a reaction to painkillers before?”  The smile widened into one of unmistakable condescension.  “After all John, knowing what you know about Kristen now and knowing that she is a *DiMera* to the core, do you really think it was mere *painkillers* that have stolen your memory of the *months* you spent in Paris?”

 

John sat in his chair as though frozen to the spot.  That was in fact how he felt.  What Q was suggesting was almost too horrific to contemplate.

******

Sami set Will down on the floor and dropped her keys on the table.   She looked around her and wished not for the first time that she was back at the penthouse with her mother.  But still, she had made that bed and now she had to lie in it.  Worst luck.

 

She picked the pile of bills up off the floor and sorted through them.  Her face lit up as she recognized the handwriting on one of the letters.  To her surprise it was postmarked New York City.  What on earth is he doing in New York?  She ripped open the envelop but the quickly scrawled note inside gave her no indication as to why he was there or if he intended to come back any time soon.  She scowled as she threw the letter on the bench.  Typical!  And people thought *she* was the irresponsible one.

 

Pushing the button on the answering machine she let it rewind as she hastily put the jug on for the badly needed cup of tea.  Carrie’s news hadn’t exactly made her day, but she had been surprised at herself that she was more worried about her sister’s state of mind than she was about her own feelings on the matter.  

 

She smiled at Will.

“We’d better watch out sweetie, people might begin to think that your Momma is growing up.”  

 

Will flashed her one of his endearing grins.  He was such a serious little boy that a smile from him tugged at her like nothing else could.  Impulsively she scooped him into her arms and hugged him tightly.  If, for nothing else but Will, she was going to get her life together.  It was a vow she was going to keep ,to herself and to her son.  She would make him proud of her.

 

The answering machine clicked and began to play.  Her face screwed up as she realized who it was.  He’d gone rather over the top as of late.  After telling her Mom what a great guy he was, she was beginning to wonder.  She’d just wanted a few days to herself but yesterday there had been two messages on the answerphone and he had apparently called both her Mom’s and Carrie’s looking for her.  She rolled her eyes as his voice implored her “just to call” him.  Take a hint psycho-boy she thought with a touch of anger, as she erased the message.

******

Marlena switched the blank screen off and wiped her face with the back of her hand.  This was ridiculous.  She was a grown woman and here she was acting like a teenager.  She took a deep breath and tried to rein in her emotions.  She was so used to being calm and controlled, but every bit of her strength and sanity was just helping her make it through the day at the moment.  And the *insane* thing was that it was all her fault.  If only she would let herself forgive him, they could *all* be happy.  

 

But it’s not all your fault, is it?  It was the niggling little voice inside her head that wouldn’t let her forget.  Wouldn’t let her forgive.  However hard she tried to squelch it, it just burned more brightly, and she was unable to move on.  

 

She closed her eyes.  She couldn’t go on like this.  Something had to give, and it was starting to frighten her when she considered what that something might be.  When she had told John to go that night, she had thought she was starting a new chapter in her life.  But she seemed not to have moved on at all since then and she wasn’t sure any more how she felt or what she should do.  She was boiling over with conflicting emotions and her family was suffering.

 

Marlena sighed and with what seemed like a supreme effort, propelled her weary body off the couch.  It was time to go and talk to Belle and Brady again.  With any luck she might be able to resolve their conflict, even if she couldn’t her own.

 

As she turned for the steps, she was stayed by the long-forgotten box.  The box that had started all the arguments.  She smiled tiredly as she wondered how she could have forgotten the cause of such sibling angst. 

 

 She looked up to the landing and listened intently for a moment.  Then assured by the silence, she turned her attention to the box.  She regarded it for several moments before she began to tear the tape from it.  Surely it wouldn’t hurt the children to have just a *few* more minutes in their respective bedrooms.

 

******

Q watched John, almost able to see the wheels that turned slowly in his brain.  He could just put John out of his misery and explain it all to him, but he couldn’t be bothered finding that many one-syllable words to do it…and besides, this had some amusement value.  He watched the emotions as they flowed in liquid motion across John’s face, the disgust and disbelief underlying them all.

 

He waited for John to say something.  Nothing was forthcoming.  He heaved a sigh of martyred suffering and decided that it was time to prod John in the right direction again.  However painful that might be.  He stood up and took several steps across the spartan office to the window.  He ran his finger along the edge of the venetian blind, collecting dust as he went.  He sneered at the grey fluff on his finger and flicked the offending dirt into the air, already teeming with microscopic particles.  How unhealthy, he thought to himself with disgust as he tried to avoid the matter at hand.

 

Still, avoiding it wasn’t going to change the facts of the problem and he had made a promise.  He had a deal to fulfill and to have any hope of making it back to the continuum he had to live up to his part of the bargain.  He sighed again, heavily, before carefully wording his next question.

 

“Tell me John. You say that Kristen was planning this pregnancy all along.  Were you sleeping with her in Paris?”  John looked at Q for a moment with exasperation.

 

“No, I told you that.  That’s why I was so convinced it couldn’t be my child.  I never slept with her in Paris.”  His face darkened with anger.  “Her ‘pregnancy’ was supposedly too delicate.  Of course, if I *had* slept with her, I would have known that the pregnancy was fake.”

 

Q looked at John from under heavy eyelids, his aggravation growing.  It would take a miracle to get through this before midnight.

 

“So, you never touched her.  You were sleeping in the same bed for weeks and that was it.  No contact.  Nothing.”

 

“*Nothing*,” John affirmed.  “I never….”  his sentence petered out as his face grew red again.  What the hell?  

 

Q smirked inwardly.

 

John shook his head, trying to dislodge the image that had spent nights driving him crazy in Paris.  Why now of all times?

 

“What is it, John?”  Q pried.

 

“It’s nothing.”  John lied, his heart pounding, knowing instinctively that Q *knew*.

******

Marlena tore at the tape that sealed the box closed and balled it into wads as she made her way across the box.  Finally, when it was free, she took a deep breath and flicked the top flap of the box open with her index finger.

******

“Nothing?”  Q grinned licentiously.  “From your reaction Johnny, I wouldn’t say it was *nothing*.  What?  You never what?”  John glared at him furiously.  It was one thing to share details about his *love life* with Kristen.  But Eugene Bradford could forget it if he thought John was going to divulge his most intimate thoughts.

******

Marlena gasped when she saw the contents of the box.  It was filled with various sized gift boxes and envelopes – gifts which had meant to be delivered days, even weeks ago.  Kristen.  Somehow Kristen had managed another one of her master manipulating jobs, hoping to tear John and Marlena apart in the process.  But she had, Marlena realized, overestimated her rival’s anger at John, and she had underestimated John’s persistence.  She came close.  But not close enough.

 

Marlena looked at the box and then looked up at the landing, which was still unusually silent.  With a backward glance at the box, she made her way up the steps to check on her children and tell them how much she loved them.

 

******

 

Kristen slammed down the phone with a snarl.  Cera had finally called her to tell her the bad news.  She had been fired and John’s ex-message service had managed to recover all the gifts that she had stored away.  Kristen had been furious with her.  She had told the girl to destroy the presents and she had paid her well enough to do it.  But like anyone who was willing to stoop to criminal actions for money, Cera had gotten greedy.  And now Kristen was going to pay for it, and not in monetary terms either.

 

Kristen paced the room, becoming more and more enraged as she felt her plans crumble one by one.   After Peter’s refusal to help with her plan she had foundered and now, she knew, she had probably missed her chance to drive a permanent wedge between John and that *bitch*.

 

Her only hope now was John’s tie to his baby.  She could only hope that when he discovered that the baby was indeed his, he would realize what a terrible mistake he had made, not to trust her.  And she would welcome him back with open arms, ready to pour a salve on the wounds that Marlena had rent in him.

******

Having ensured that the children were alright, Marlena returned to the ground floor.  She pulled the boxes one by one out of the larger container and arrayed them on the floor, until she was sitting, cross-legged, surrounded by a sea of gift-boxes.  Selecting one closest to her, she began to untie the ribbon.

******

“Fine.”  Q spat out, infuriated by John’s lack of co-operation.  “If you can’t make the effort to help your pitiful self then count me out.”  He stalked to the door and turned around, his eyes blazing with contempt.  “I have no idea what Marlena sees in you.  You are not deserving of a woman like that.”

“Oh and *you* are I suppose.”  John stood, his anger rising quickly at Q’s implication.

 

Q pressed his lips together, suppressing the urge to obliterate John by dissolving him into a billion sub-atomic particles.  He glared at John darkly knowing that in some capacity the man was right.  Admitting it to John was something he could not do, however.

 

“Look Black.  Do you want my help or not?”  Q asked, his voice weary.  “I am offering to help you find out who the mother of your child is.  If you have any other way of finding out, then I’ll be on my way.”  John looked at him for several seconds before he sat back down.

 

“I’m sorry Eugene.”  He sighed and ran his fingers through his thick dark hair.  “You’re right, you are trying to help me, and I’m being difficult.”  He looked up at Q with haunted eyes.  “It’s just that this last few months have all been a little too much for me to deal with.”

 

Q, a little taken aback by John’s unexpected apology, walked slowly back into the room and sat in a chair facing John.  For some insane reason, he was almost feeling sorry for the guy.  Maybe it was because they had something in common, as much as he hated to admit it.  He shook his head and wondered for a moment if he was going soft in the proverbial brain.  

 

He rested his elbows on his knees and stared at his hands for long moments before he looked up at John.  “You need to be honest with me John, and more importantly, honest with yourself.  It’s the only way I can help.”  John nodded his head subduedly.  “So do you want to tell me what got you so……*upset* earlier on?”

******

The pile of ribbons and wrapping, strewn untidily behind Marlena, cluttered up the foot of the staircase.  Beside her lay the accumulation of gifts that had brought tears and laughter in the last half hour.  Small boxes lay at her feet, nestling in them, the charms that had never arrived.  The M, embedded with tiny pearls, the cherub, which signified their love incarnate in their precious daughter, and the tiny gold carrot, with its accompanying “What’s up Doc?” note which had made her laugh until the tears had formed at the corner of her eyes.  

 

Also, at her side lay beautiful framed pictures of she, John, Belle and Brady, an almost perfect family.  In another tissue filled box laid a white negligee and robe, creations of lace and diaphanous voile, the kind that John had always loved to see her in.  Other gifts ranged from a simple card with a note slipped inside, to a ruby and diamond necklace and earrings that looked as if they had cost a fortune.  A simple silk evening dress in blood red was set alongside the necklace, along with a note saying that he couldn’t wait to see her in them, or preferably out of them.  Another envelope had contained two air tickets to Salzburg, Austria for a week later on in the year.  The legend inscribed on the accompanying note read that John couldn’t wait to make music in the hills with her.  She had smiled at the corniness that he was capable of.

 

And still, she had gifts left to open.  Pulling a long box towards her, she pulled at the ribbon until it fell softly from the box to the floor.  Pulling the lid off the box, she was surprised to find a dozen dried roses laid out gently on the cream tissue.  Softly she fingered the preserved petals and wondered.  Her question was fulfilled by the card enclosed.

 

Marlena,

In 1986 I gained something that was irreplaceable.

You became my wife and my life, and my dreams were complete.

You may not remember, but these were the first flowers you brought me 

after our wedding.  When I asked you why, you replied that I shouldn’t

 be the only one to be able to show my love like that.

You’ll never know what those flowers meant to me.  I had them preserved, 

and then when I went through the hell of losing my soulmate, I took them out and

 looked at them, touched them every day.  As though seeing them could bring me closer to your soul.  And then Doc, when you came back, I still kept them, hoping that they would help me to keep something of what was slipping away from me little by little every day.  The memories and the joy of what we had together.  What our family had had together.

I never stopped loving you Doc.

I will never stop loving you.

I hope they mean as much to you as they do to me.

 

John

 

Marlena stared at the flowers in shock.  She could still remember that warm autumn day she had come home, twelve crimson roses behind her back.  –What are these for Doc?  He had been slightly embarrassed, as though it was not a fitting thing that a man should get roses from his wife.  –Why?  What’s wrong with them? –Nothing’s wrong with them.  I just wondered what the occasion was.  –No occasion.  I just wanted you to know I love you.  Is that so bad?  She had smiled sexily at him as she had slid her hand around to the warm nape of his neck.  –Not bad at all. He had grinned and then leant into the kiss that had seared its way through her body.  –But I already know you love me baby.  You don’t need to buy me flowers to tell me that.  –I know I don’t need to.  But why should you be the only one that gets to ‘say it with flowers’.  I just wanted to that’s all.  He had dropped the roses on the couch and the memory of their subsequent lovemaking was burned into her memory like a firebrand.  She had noticed that the roses had disappeared a couple of days later but had thought nothing of it.  Until now.

 

She felt the tears dampening her cheeks again as she realized how many years John had been carrying these around.  They were like a secret memory that had suddenly materialized, and they brought back floods of memories and feelings that filled her unexpectedly and with force.  He had told her that he would win her back.  That he would woo her until she had no choice.  He hadn’t lied.  She wondered if she had always known that it would come to this.  For all her misery had she known that there would be a point where she wouldn’t be able to lie anymore?  She loved him.  She always had and she always would.  And she would never be happy without him.

******

Carrie stood in the doorway, hanging onto the frame.  She had hoped that the morning sickness was a passing phase, but it was only proving to get worse as the days passed.  Austin sat on the sofa, reading the paper.

 

“Austin, I’m going to bed.  I’m still not feeling well.”  She said in a soft voice, hoping that Austin would show at least a little sympathy.   Or something that she could hang onto.

 

“Okay, sure.  I’ll be in later.”  He hadn’t even bothered to turn around.  He was reading the paper and had a can of beer in his hand.  The TV was blaring in front of him, but he was taking no notice.

 

“Okay.”  Carrie said faintly, the soft light of the lamp glittering on the tears in her eyes.  She waited for several moments and then, unnoticed, slipped back into the bedroom.  Falling onto the bed she began to cry.

******

 Marlena reverently laid the box with the roses on the floor beside her.  She looked at them for a moment before she shifted position, trying to ease her cramping muscles.  When she was semi-comfortable, she reached for a large, bulky-looking envelope.  Wrapped in a card was an audio tape and another manila envelope.  The heart-embossed card informed her that she should listen to the tape before opening the envelope.  She was tempted to ignore the tape just to spite him, but she knew she couldn’t.  

 

Groaning as she pulled herself up from the floor, she made her way to the stereo and inserted the tape into the required slot.  She settled herself down on the couch as the Spanish guitars floated from the speakers.  The first few lines of the refrain caught her off-guard as she realized that it was John’s voice conveying the words.

 

In the sunlight of your smile

In the summer of our life

In the magic of love

Storms above scattered away

 

Before anything else, it hit her that this wasn’t an amateur karaoke job.  John had gone into a studio and recorded this.  For her.  Despite his terrible singing voice.  She smiled, her face reddening at the thought.

 

Skipping pebbles on the sea

Wishing for Paradise

Sand castles crumble below

The restless tides ebb and flow

 

Listening to a shell

Hoping  for your voice

 Beautiful Marlena of my soul

 

Marlena gasped as she heard her name and her eyes filled immediately with tears.   She couldn’t believe he had gone to the effort of doing this for her.  He always knew just how to affect her.   Even if he was totally off pitch.

 

And the taste of you remains

Clinging to Paradise

But as the distance from you grows

All that my heart ever knows

Hunger for your kiss

Longing for your touch

Beautiful Marlena of my soul

 

Filling all my nights

Haunting all my days

Beautiful Marlena of my soul

 

She swallowed hard; her chest tight with emotion.  She hadn’t expected him to do something like this and she didn’t know how to deal with what was going on any longer.  She was beyond confused about how she felt.  Or was she kidding herself about that too?

 

She looked down at the envelope in her hands and tapped it with a nail.  For some reason she was nervous about opening it.  She ran her palm over the smooth brown surface and took a deep breath.  Opening the flap, she withdrew the pristine piece of paper and skimmed it with her eyes.

******

John’s eyes avoided Q’s as he voiced the thoughts that he had kept hidden.  He stood and made his way to the door, peering out at the hospital world going by.

“It was in Paris.  We had gotten Do-,” he corrected himself, almost before the name was out of his mouth, “Marlena away from Stefano and out of the tunnels.  But then Will was kidnapped, and we couldn’t go back to Salem.  It was so weird.  I was taking those painkillers, but everything was so blurry.  And Kristen wouldn’t let me near her.”  He sighed.  “I should have known something was wrong.”  

 

He leaned his head against the door as he steeled himself.  “But then I started having these *dreams*…”

 

“About Kristen?”  Q probed.

 

“No.”  John could see her as vividly as if it were a memory of a real event, shining in the white silk nightgown as she leaned down to kiss him.  

 

“No,” he whispered, his voice taut under the strain, “it was Doc.  I was having dreams about Marlena, and they seemed so *real*.  I’d wake up so disoriented and I would have sworn they were real at the time.  But they weren’t…they….”

 

John’s eyes widened with shock, and he snapped around to face Q.  “That’s *it* isn’t it.”

 

“That’s what John?”  Q asked quietly wanting to make sure that John really had it.

 

“That’s who the mother of my baby is.  It’s Doc!”

Chapter 42 – Plane Truths

Q regarded John with a modicum of surprise and wondered if perhaps he had underestimated the man a little.  He swiveled in the seat of his chair and swung his legs over the arm.  Leaning back, he folded his arms and fixed John with a benevolent smile.

 

“Well, well John.  Right first time.  I’m almost impressed.”

 

John looked at him with amazement and shook his head disbelievingly.

 

“It’s Marlena’s.  Doc and I are going to have another baby?”  He was questioning himself more than Q.  He couldn’t believe this was happening.  Belle was going to have another sibling.  But Kristen was carrying the child.   He swallowed, suddenly filled with trepidation for the safety of this child which, in five minutes had become infinitely precious.  He felt almost guilty for loving this child more now that he knew that it was Marlena’s.  But he reasoned that the love he felt for Marlena couldn’t help but increase his love for their child.

 

It was several moments before he looked at Q again.  He couldn’t read the expression on the other man’s face, but it suddenly struck him.

 

“How long have you known?  How long have you known and not told me?  Or Marlena.”    Q’s expression remained deliberately blank as the events of the last few months scrolled back in John’s mind.     John’s eyes were wide when he looked back up.  “You’ve known the whole time, haven’t you?”

******

Marlena’s hands were shaking as she looked at the piece of paper enclosed in her fingers.  It had taken her several moments before she had realized what it was. 

 

The inscription on the certificate told her that she and John were now joint owners of a plane called La Belle Miracle.  She had finally started to shed the tears she had been holding back so determinedly when she realized that the plane in question was Victor’s.  The plane on which she had finally admitted that she could not live without John in her life, and they had created their little miracle.

 

Despite the pain that that night had caused for Marlena and her family, she wouldn’t have changed it for anything.  John had once told her, that night on the plane she had brought him back to life.  What she had never admitted to him, to anyone, was that he had done the same for her.  After the nightmare of being held by Stella in that abandoned warehouse and the strain of keeping her marriage to Roman together, she had almost lost herself.  As much as she had loved Roman, it had taken her a long time to admit that their marriage was no longer working.  In fact, it had been a long while after he had left her that she had finally realized it had always been an inevitable truth that their marriage would end.  

 

He had been a different man after all those years in captivity.  Being kept away from his family by force for seven long years.  And then to come back and find John in his place.  Marlena’s heart had broken for what he had been through.  And she had battled long and hard to keep their love alive.  But in the end, it wasn’t enough.  They had grown apart and she could not bridge the gap.  The embittered man that Roman had become was not the Roman that she had loved and married all those years ago.  There *were* glimpses of him.  Moments so divine that she had fooled herself into believing that this could be forever.  But the incontrovertible truth was that she loved John, and she couldn’t switch off that love, however hard she had tried.

 

And that night on the plane, on the verge of never seeing him again and forever, she had broken down and wept at the utter unfairness of it all and John, losing the last vestige of his denial, had taken her and made love to her so that her body sang with the glory of it.  And despite the guilt that had followed she wouldn’t give that night up for all the world.

 

She looked back down at the deed and wept.

******

Q pursed his lips and considered how best to approach this as John stared at him, angrily searching for answers.  He jumped as John unexpectedly slammed his fist down on the desk.

 

“Damn it man!!  Kristen almost lost that child.  She lost another.  Was that ours too?”  He gripped the edge of the desk, his knuckles whitening, a muscle clenching in his jaw as he tried to control his temper.

 

“You went there, and you goaded her and she ended up losing a baby and all the while you *knew* that it was Marlena’s?”

 

“No, no John.”  Q held up his hand with a sense of urgency and sat up in the chair.  “I didn’t know until after that.  I was informed by a ‘friend’,” the irony was lost on John as he struggled to understand what the hell was going on, “the following day.  It was just before I came to find you after you had read Marlena’s diary.  I swear to you that I had no idea before that.”  He stopped himself from saying that he never would have gone to the DiMera’s if he had known that Kristen was carrying Marlena’s children.  It was true, but John didn’t need to know that while he had ignored the fact that they were John’s children, the knowledge that they were Marlena’s would have wrought a very different outcome.

 

The confusion once again furrowed John’s brow.

 

“So that was why you didn’t want me to go in and see Kristen.  You knew that she was carrying our children.  Mine and Marlena’s.”  His face was grim as he realized the implications.  “I am assuming that the one that Kristen miscarried was Doc’s as well.”

 

“Yes.”  Q was genuinely contrite.  “The second child was Marlena’s.  I am so sorry John.  If I had known….,” he sighed, “no number of apologies can make that right again.  If there was anything I could do to right that, I would have done it.”

 

“So why the hell didn’t you just *tell* us?”  John asked angrily, distressed at the realization that he was a large piece of the reason Kristen had miscarried one of the twins.  “All those weeks I messed around, waiting for the paternity tests on *your* suggestion.  And you knew all the time!”

“I couldn’t tell you John.”  Q wondered how he could explain this one without getting himself into hot water with one party or another.  “It’s complicated, but I was given the information on the terms that I couldn’t tell you directly.”

 

“*What* are you talking about Eugene?”  John was getting sick of fighting his way through Q’s riddles.  For once he wanted some straight answers and he was determined to get them.

******

Marlena held her arms around herself as she sat, curled up on the couch.  The tears tracked lacy paths down her cheeks as she stared at the deed which lay on the table, tangible evidence of what she and Belle meant to John.  *La Belle Miracle*.  

 

She started to sob again as she remembered the fight the night she had cut him loose.  She had said so many things.  Things she had needed to say at the time but which, at the present time, seemed harsh and unnecessarily cruel.  The reasons for her hostility now seemed vague and almost unconscionable. 

 

 She could still see the look on his face.  The look that had almost broken her heart when she had told him that he had to leave.  That night had left her utterly devastated, but she wondered, not for the first time, what it had done to him.

 

And now with Kristen’s interference, had he begun to give up hope?  She looked behind her to the gifts piled up against the butter yellow wall.  He had told her he would persist.  Her eyes were caught by the roses again and the salty teardrops slid more swiftly down her face.

 

She had been so horrible to him.  Even when the sight of him had driven her crazy with desire she had practically denied his very existence.  Even when he had bombarded her with gifts and declarations of love, she had ignored him.  And the names she had called him…… the things she had said to him….  She slipped a card off the table, one which had been delivered prior to the box.  It was a simple, unadorned greeting card.  On the front it had a droopy eyed sad looking spaniel.  The enchanting part of it was inside.  In dark violet ink, John’s handwriting scrawled the words,  

 

There will never be another woman for me

You are my partner and my soulmate

 

*I will wait for you if it takes forever, and beyond*

John

 

She hugged the card to her chest, no longer doubting for a moment it’s sincerity and knowing that she needed him as much as he needed her.

******

Q slipped from the chair and began to pace across the room, as if pacing would help him to clear his thoughts.

 

“I’ve told you about the Continuum?” he attempted an explanation in the face of John’s ire. 

 

“The place you come from, yeah.”  John was as impatient as Q was careful.

 

“It’s not really a *place*,” Q diverted momentarily, “it’s more of a, well,” he tried to think of an understandable term, “you could say it’s more of a *dimension*.”  A knife-edged glance from John told him to get on with it.

 

“You got thrown out.”  John’s voice was monotone, his face deadpan.

 

“Well… yes, but I was later allowed a partial re-entry.”  Q prevaricated

 

“What does that have to do with not telling me about my children?”  John demanded, finding Q tiresome.  “I just want to know *why* you couldn’t tell us.”

 

“It’s fairly simple John.  If I had told you straight out, I would have lost my only chance of making it back to where I belong.  I would have been thrown out for good.”  He shrugged his shoulders.  “As for their reasons for not telling you straight out, I have no idea.  Although it probably has something to do with the fact that their mission seems to be to make my life miserable.”  He raised his eyebrows in John’s direction.  “Now instead of dwelling on what is past, why don’t you work out what you are going to do about the situation now?”

 

John chewed on his lower lip, biting back a retort.  He wasn’t entirely sure that Q had done all he could to help.  And he wasn’t sure that possible banishment from his ‘home’ was a big enough threat to risk the life of two unborn children.  Especially if they were all as obnoxious as he was.  Still, antagonizing him now wasn’t going to accomplish anything.

 

“Fine.”  He voiced sharply.  “Tell me then how it is that Marlena is the mother of my child.”

******

Marlena had the deed in her hands again.  He fingers trembled as they followed the flowing lines of script on the certificate.  As she did her mind slipped back to that tempestuous night over four years ago.  

 

The rain had been driving down in opaque sheets as she drove to the airport.  Not knowing what to say, or do, she had just sought to see him.  To stop him from withdrawing from her life.  But when she had climbed the steps to that plane, a very different outcome was set in motion.

 

“Alright.  How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know.”  He couldn’t meet her eyes.  He couldn’t lie to her outright.

“Weeks?”  She had paused.  With no answer she had asked “Months?”  His silence had confirmed her worst fears and she had felt as if something was tearing at her heart.  Her eyes had filled with tears as she had sat down beside him on the couch.  “John…. you’re wrong…”

 

A slow shake of his head accentuated his “No.”  No?  He had known all too well that he was not wrong.

 

“If you think you’re doing this for me, you’re wrong.”  The words became stilted as her anguish grew.  “I can’t even…. imagine my life without you.”  Her tears had broken free and were now trickling down her cheeks as the pain and her need to convince John grew.  “I don’t *want* to imagine my life without you.  I want you…*in* my life.  *I need you*.

 

It was when he had told her that she shouldn’t have come to the plane that she had realized the true enormity of what was happening to her.  He was kneeling beside her, but she could not meet his eyes as her emotions buffeted her senses.

 

“Well, there are a lot of things I shouldn’t have done.  I never should have fallen in love with you to begin with.  I…I shouldn’t have done that.  It shouldn’t have happened.  The man that I love, and will always love, is Roman.”  She realized that she sounded as if she was trying to convince herself more than him.  The truth of the matter was that that was exactly the case.  “ But then you came along and ….and it just happened.  I….I couldn’t help it.”

 

And yet the truth was inescapable.  As long as she tried to run from it, it always caught up with her.  Eventually.  She turned to him; her cheeks flushed.

“Oh God, that’s so pathetic!”  Her eyes searched his face, the face she would do anything to keep with her.  “It didn’t have to happen.  I wanted it to happen.  I *really wanted* to love you.”  The look on his face drove through her.  “I do love you,” she whispered, conscious of where this may lead her but choosing to take that chance, “and now I’m driving you away.” 

 

“It’s the only way out.”  He had sounded so uncertain.

 

“Is it?  I…I don’t know that.  I don’t know that.”  The emotion of the situation found her struggling against the tidewater of tears again.  “I also don’t know that, if….at some point in time I am going to stop having these feelings I have for you.”  He was so close she could reach out and take his face in her hands….

 

“Yes, in time….that’s all.”  

 

He seemed so sure of himself, so controlled, but she could sense the struggle that underpinned his words.  

 

“Well, I….,” the tears began to stream down her face, “…it’s just that …. you’re so much a part of my life,” she was struggling to get breaths and words out between the tears.  She looked down, then back up at him, her eyes imploring. “..I don’t know what I…I don’t know what I would do…..if you weren’t…”  She was losing her hold on any sort of emotional control.  She was so terrified that he would leave her she could no longer pretend that everything was fine.  She couldn’t pretend anything at all.  She was past caring about anything but the fact that he was about to leave her forever.

 

John, still kneeling beside her was losing his own battle with the tears, as she futilely wiped her face with her hand

.

“Doc….hey come on, don’t be unhappy.  That’s the *last* thing I want.”  That was the last thing she wanted to hear from him.  

 

“That doesn’t make you unhappy at all?”  She struck out at him with her palm, wavering between fear and anger.

 

“I’m *past* that Doc!”  The distress in his eyes was evident, as they shone with misery.  “I’m *free*-falling!….with just the thought that I am *never* going to see you again.”  Her heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces, “I am never going to hear you laugh.  I’m never going to smell your perfume,” it was then that she had known, with absolute certainty what was about to happen, and that there was no going back, “and I am never going to *touch* you.”  

 

She swallowed as his eyes searched her face and he reached for her hand.  The instant their skin touched it felt like a million jolts of electricity passed through her and she could feel every one, pricking at her misery mixed with infinite, heated desire. Her heart pounded as his grey-blue eyes riveted hers, her sobbing increasing as they signaled his intentions.

 

“Oh God!!” His strong hands grasped the lapels of her woolen coat and he pulled her to him, his need for her consuming and overcoming all other thoughts.  He could feel her tears wetting his cheeks as he searched out her lips with his, and he pulled her upright.  As their lips met, the outside world dissolved for them both, their bodies filled with a burning urgency….to possess and be possessed.  

 

Searing heat raced through Marlena’s body as John’s tongue captured hers, leaving her gasping.  She had almost forgotten the sweet, hot taste of him, and she wrapped her arms around him, unable to help but return his rapturous advances as he ravished her mouth.  Returning his kisses with a feverish need she succumbed as he enfolded her in his arms.

 

Suddenly he pushed her away and staring intently into her eyes for a moment he roughly yanked the coat from her shoulders, bringing them so close together she could feel the heat radiating from him.  He pushed her onto the couch, and she kissed him desperately again, her hand threaded through his hair, as if by the urgency of it they could make up for the time they had lost.  He rocked back on his heels, but he had only shed his jacket before she had reached for him again, needing to feel him against her, his mouth possessing hers.

 

He had lain on top of her, the familiar feel of his beloved body driving her wild as he devastated her lips with his rough, hot kisses.  Starting at the base of her neck he had taken her soft, white flesh between his teeth, gently biting her at first, and then harder as he rose to her jaw, tasting her, needing her.  His lips reached for hers again, his tongue searching.

 

His shirt was unbuttoned when he slowly and reverently slid off her jacket, his mouth never leaving hers.  She drew him back down to the sofa with her and he gently laid her on the seat, taking swipes at her lips with his as he did.  Her face was flushed and her lips red and bruised as he leant to kiss her again.  

 

Lightening was flashing at the cabin window as he softly sucked at the sensitive skin at the base of her neck.  Marlena leant her head back, baring her throat, an instinctive reaction to the havoc he was playing with her senses.  His kisses trailed down her skin, sending pulses of fire through her body.  He stopped when he reached the soft crevice between her breasts and sat back on his heels again, so that he was straddling her.  She looked up at him, drinking in the sight of him as he shed his shirt.

 

“What are we doing?” it was a simple question, almost half-hearted.  A last-ditch attempt to stave off the inevitable.  Not that she any longer wanted to.  It was a question borne of duty, not of any real desire.  Her chest rose and fell as she awaited his answer.

 

“What we’ve been wantin’ to do for weeks.”

 

“Oh.” John leant back over her, his answer sufficing as Marlena reached up to him, her fingers setting off internal sparks as they touched his chest. With one movement he gripped her wrists with his hands and forced them back above her head leaving her to his mercy.  She gasped and then panted with pleasure as he leant down to take her lips once again.

 

He kissed her for what seemed like hours.  Teasing her with his mouth until she was desperate for the feel of him and then pulling away.  A touch of soft flesh, a dart of a tongue.  He made his way down her neck, brushing his moist lips against her skin.  First down one side, then across the base of her throat, where her pulse throbbed, almost invisibly.  John could feel it though, the pacy beating of her heart as he slid his lips up the other side of her neck and across her beautifully formed cheekbone to feather her top lip with delicate kisses.  She looked up at him, sinking into his gaze, experiencing the love that was elemental, and only for her.  Reaching up she brushed some hair from his cheek, then floating two fingers across his temple to his brow.  That face.  She loved him so much.

 

Another kiss, tongues clashing, her hand tracing the muscles under his skin.  Two bodies moving in a perfect rhythm.  Wonder.  Desire.  Passion. *Love*.

******

“It’s very hard to explain John,” Q tried to think of a way to clarify the matter so that John would understand.

 

“Why don’t you just try *telling* me.”  John was fast losing any semblance of patience.  He had to get the information out of Q and then go and talk to Marlena.

 

“When you were in Paris,” Q began, “and  so disoriented, It wasn’t the drugs you were taking that were making you feel that way.”

 

“What do you mean?”  John narrowed his eyes.

 

“Well, think about it John.”  Q, who had been moving around the room, sat down in Mike’s chair behind the desk, folding his ankle across his opposite knee.  “Kristen was pretending to be pregnant, and she wasn’t.  Then she mysteriously gets pregnant in Paris when you supposedly aren’t even touching her.  Meanwhile you are disoriented and have memory lapses while you are there, but not after you get home.  And then last, but very definitely not least, you are having these *dreams* about Marlena during these disoriented periods.  Dreams that you swear felt like they were real.”

 

“What the hell are you getting at Eugene?” John’s voice was short as he frowned.  It seemed as if Q thought the pieces should fit together but he felt like he was missing some vital piece.  

 

Q sighed.  “Kristen is a DiMera John.  If that doesn’t raise alarm bell, nothing will.”  He rolled his eyes heavenward, trying to find a way to make it clearer.    

 

With a touch of a smile, he waved his hand in John’s direction.  John’s face took on a look of surprise as suddenly he found that the memories of last summer were much more vivid than previously.

 

“What did you just do?” he asked Q, his brow creased.

 

“Just a little trick I picked up.”  Q was, as always, elusive.  “Now, think back John.  Think back to Paris.  When you were having these…. spells.”

 

John looked into the distance as he tried to piece together disjointed memories.  He almost felt like he was under hypnosis, but he had much more control.

 

“I remember the hotel room.  We were trying to find Will.  Doc was back in Paris with us.”  He smiled.  “God, I remember just trying to sneak moments with her all the time.  Kristen hated it but I was so grateful to have her back.”

 

“How was Kristen behaving?” Q prompted.

 

“She seemed really edgy.”  John frowned.  “She wouldn’t let me touch her.  Of course, that made sense when we found out she had lost the baby.  But,” he frowned, “it was more than that.  She was behaving so oddly.  I put it down to the fact that she had just lost her mother.”  He tilted his head on the side.  “Whenever anyone came into the room, she got really weird.  Especially when it was Doc.”

 

“Can you recall any particular time that you had one of your dreams?”  Q asked, wanting to move John to the right conclusions.  John wasn’t the only one itching to get out of the office.  John shrugged and then, two fingertips to his lips, he remembered.

 

“We’d had a late lunch one day.  Doc and I, I was filling her in on the search for Will.  When I got back to the room, Kristen told me she was going to have a nap and suggested I did too.  Those painkillers were really knocking me out, so I did.”  His face colored as he remembered the dream.  Marlena, in a white, silken gown, looking as seductive as she ever had, straddling him, taking his face in her hands.  He had eagerly returned her kisses, wanting desperately to believe this was happening at last.  Of course, when he had woken up next to Kristen he had realized that it had only been a dream, however real it had seemed, and his disappointment had been profound.  “I could have sworn…”  his whisper was muffled through his fingers, which had unconsciously crept to his lips again, hoping to capture the feeling of her.

 

“You skipped straight from deciding to have a nap to your dream.”  Q swung his feet onto the desk and leaned back.  “What happened in between?”

 

“In between?”  John asked, confused.

 

“Recount your steps, John.” Q advised him slowly and under sufferance.   John raised his eyebrows and then shrugged.

 

“I agreed and kissed Kristen on the cheek.”  He grimaced.  “Then I went into the bathroom to wash my face.”  Suddenly he stopped and looked up at Q, shocked.  “I don’t remember anything after that. I can’t remember it.”

 

“Well, well.”  Q grinned in his cavalier manner.  “Fancy that.”

 

“I remember washing my face,” John repeated the steps in his mind, “I looked up.”

 

He felt as if his heart had stopped beating as he looked up.

 

“The mirror,” he said hoarsely, “there was something odd about the mirror.”  Q’s words echoed hollowly in his ears. Kristen is a DiMera John.  If that doesn’t raise alarm bell, nothing will.  DiMera’s and memory lapses could only mean one thing.

 

John felt like he’d suffered a physical blow as he looked up at Q.  He shook his head, tears in his eyes.  It was the cruelest of betrayals from a woman who had professed to love him.  He felt sick to the stomach as he voiced the words

 

“She brainwashed me, didn’t she?  She brainwashed me so that I would sleep with her, and she could get pregnant again.”

******

Marlena opened her eyes and wiped the wetness from her reddened cheeks.  How could she have ever forgotten what she was willing to do to keep him in her life?  He had meant so much to her that she was willing to risk her marriage just so he would stay in Salem.

 

What had happened to her since Roman had left?  Why had she spent so long hiding her feelings?  Dancing around the subject of her love for John?  Sometimes it seemed as if she barely recognized herself anymore.  It was not only John that had changed.

 

She placed the deed back on the table and stared out at the darkened sky.  She knew what she had to do.  There was no doubt in her mind any longer.  It was what she should have done years ago.  Somehow tonight, the tears and the memories had excised the guilt from her soul.  She had paid in full for what she had done.  They both had.  It was time to move on and make a life again.  A life with the man she loved with more than she ever had or ever would any other.

 

Propelling herself off the couch, she moved to the phone and dialed the familiar number.

“Caroline?  It’s Marlena.  Sorry to ask at such short notice but I was wondering if you could come over and look after the children.  I have to go and see John.”

Chapter 43 – Explanations and Other Weird Things

John was shaking with rage.  He couldn’t believe Kristen had done this to him.  Of all of the things she could have done, nothing could surpass this.   He tried to calm himself with several deep breaths.  The only thing that made this whole thing bearable was that obviously and somewhat ironically, somehow her plan had backfired.  Biting his lip till it hurt, he lifted himself out of the chair and went to stand by the window, hoping futilely that he could escape Q’s searching gaze.  To be deceived in such a way and then to be exposed in front of a man like Q was something he could not deal with.  

 

It was a useless exercise to hold the tears back as he stared unseeingly from the window.  He had never felt quite so empty and so violated.

 

“How could she do that to me?”  His voice was little more than a strangled whisper.

 

“I’m sorry John.”  Q’s voice came softly, surprisingly accented with compassion.  “I felt you deserved to know the truth about what happened.  I realize it can’t be very pleasant for you.”

 

“Pleasant?!”  John turned on his feel, his face red, his fists clenched so tight that they were shaking.  “Pleasant?  I trusted that women.  Hell, I thought I loved her, but I didn’t even know her.  All the time, she was making a fool of me.”  He swallowed convulsively as the bile rose in his throat.  “She….what she did…”  He couldn’t even say the words.  What she had done was worse than taking advantage of him.  She had hypnotized him and then she had slept with him without his knowledge, or even his consent.

 

The feeling of nausea was suddenly replaced with an overwhelming sense of rage.

“I’ll kill her!”  His whole body was shaking now as he tried to contain the anger boiling inside him.  There was nothing that had ever made him quite so furious, and he knew that if he could see Kristen at this moment, he would have to struggle to stop from throttling her with his bare hands.

 

“I don’t think that is a particularly good idea, John.”  John jumped visibly as Q’s voice came from just behind his shoulder.  “After all, she is carrying your child.”

 

“I’m not likely to forget that in a hurry.”  John snarled through gritted teeth.  “And it’s just as well for her.”  He stormed away from Q irritably.  

 

Mike’s office suddenly seemed far too small a place to be having a conversation like this.  He leaned on the back of the chair, his head between his arms, trying to maintain some semblance of control.   “I never understood how truly evil she was.  Even after I read what she had done to Doc, even after…..” he swallowed heavily, trying to mask the burning hatred he felt for the woman he had once loved.  “I always believed that being brought up with Stefano hadn’t affected her.”   He sighed.  “I’ve been so stupid.  All that time and I never saw her for what she really was.  I saw what I wanted to see.  What would appease my own guilty conscience.”  His face again wore the mask of self-hatred that afflicted him from time to time. “I never wanted to see the truth.  That she could never be anything but what she was brought up to be.  A DiMera.”   He spat out the name like it was poison on his tongue.

 

Q looked at John quizzically, his eyebrows raised in mild amusement at John’s self-recriminations.  “Well John, you’d better start figuring out how you are going to convince this DiMera to carry Marlena’s child.”

******

Marlena tucked Belle’s blanket into the small bed and kissed the tiny tot on the forehead.  She smiled as the child reached out sleepily to her.  

 

“Where you goin’ Mommy?”  the little girl’s voice was blurred with drowsiness as her mother took her tiny hand and sat on the edge of her bed.

 

“I have to go out and see your Daddy, sweetie girl.”  Marlena told her in a hushed voice.  “Your Granma is coming over to look after you.”  She smiled again and brushed Belle’s bangs from her blue eyes, so like her daddy’s.  “So, I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

 

“Okay.”  Belle nodded her head almost imperceptibly.  “Momma?”

 

“Yes sweetie?”  

 

“Tell Daddy I wuv him?”  Her voice faded into slumber as Marlena quietly assured her that she would indeed tell her daddy that his daughter loved him.  And not only his daughter.  

 

After making sure that her daughter was really asleep, Marlena extricated her hand from Belle’s, rose from the bed and crept noiselessly to the door.  With one last glance at her sleeping miracle, she left the room and made her way to her own.  Brady was already asleep, and she just had a few things to finish before Caroline arrived.  

 

She slipped the box of dried roses under the bed, wanting to keep them from small, prying fingers.  The rest of the gifts were displayed or secreted in various places in the room.  With all that John had sent, she had no doubt she would be surprising him for quite some time to come.  She couldn’t shake the smile on her face as all sorts of possible scenarios slipped into her mind.

 

Opening the drawer of the bureau, Marlena pulled out the long burgundy box that housed the precious charm bracelet that John had given her that memorable Christmas.  Sandwiched between two of the most traumatic, but meaningful times of her recent life, that Christmas had been an eye of calm in the center of an almost deadly storm.  She clutched the box to her as images of those few months washed uncontrollably over and through her.  Everything had changed so in those few short months.

 

She opened the box and drew out the short golden chain, twinkling with gold and jeweled charms and remembered the day she had put it away.  She fingered the tiny talismans, remembering the significance of each one, and John’s face the day he had given it to her.  A small sigh escaped her as she fastened the bracelet around her slender wrist.  So much time that they had wasted.

 

The sweet chime of the doorbell interrupted her from her reverie and her heart began to pound.  That would be Caroline.  Now, after all this time.…after all this waiting, she could finally tell John the truth.  That she did love him, and she wanted to be with him.  Now and always.

******

“Well, why don’t you tell me exactly *how* this child *is* Marlena’s before I deal with Kristen.”  John suggested testily.  Before Q could open his mouth John put up his hand.  “And no, I don’t want the run-around.  I want it straight and I want the truth.”

“The truth is a very relative concept, John.”  Q said drolly.  “And I’m not sure I can explain it to you easily.  There are forces at work here that your mortal mind couldn’t even begin to understand.”

“Look Eugene.”  John stifled his anger quickly, “*You* are the one who is supposedly super-intelligent.  *You* find a way to explain it so that I will understand.”

 

For not the first time that afternoon, Q was mildly surprised. And was beginning to wonder if he had, indeed underestimated John.  

 

“It wasn’t something I did if that is what you’re thinking.”  Q told him.  “As far as I have been told it was something that happened naturally.”  He looked at John’s confused expression and sighed.  “I think you’d better sit down.”

 

It took Q quite some time to explain to John, what had happened, as he had understood it.  

 

“You see John, there are what you might call parallel time-lines occurring simultaneously with your own.  They occur in the same time and space, but in multiple dimensions.  They are innumerable and they result from factors which interrupt the correct timeline and alter it.”  John remained silent as Q continued.  “It seems that what happened here was a rupture in the space-time continuum.  Two of the timelines became enmeshed and resulted in the conception of yours and Marlena’s child.”

 

“But how…?”  John shook his head, not understanding what Q was getting at.  It sounded like something out of a bad science fiction novel.  

 

“The point is John, that in the other reality, *that* John and Marlena are together, and they just conceived twins.”  

 

John looked at Q, his eyes wide.  Somewhere, some other John and Marlena were together, and expecting two precious babies.  Somewhere they were happy and had the life together that they deserved.  Tears blurred his vision as he bowed his head, wondering why they had let so many interruptions distract them from what was really important.

 

He looked back up at Q.  

 

“And your lot had nothing to do with this?”

 

“They tell me they didn’t.”  He frowned.  “To all intents and purposes, I have been cut off from the Continuum.  I no longer know what is going on there except for what they choose to tell me.  And as I said earlier, all truth is relative.”  John nodded.  

 

“So, this child is a child that Marlena and I were supposed to have?”

 

Q simply nodded.

******

Kristen moved uncomfortably on the couch as she felt the stirrings of the child within her.  She groaned irritably.  She hated being pregnant even more than she had thought she would.  She couldn’t wait till it was born, but there were still months to go.  Still, she reasoned, by then John would be hers again and she could arrange for a nanny to take care of the baby.   Preferably twenty-five hours of the day.

 

Fidgeting restlessly, she peered at the face of her watch, tapping it, as if it would make the seconds round the circuit faster.  She should have heard by now.  Not that she was worried.  She just wanted to see John’s face, or at least hear his voice when he told her that it was his child.  And that he was sorry for not believing her.  She could almost hear him now.  I’m so sorry Kristen baby.  I was so wrong about you.  Can you ever forgive me?  She would play offended for a couple of days, just long enough to make him realize that she would not be toyed with and then she would take him back, all smiles and forgiveness.  Oh, John honey.  I missed you so much.  You’re back where you belong now, and nothing will ever separate us again. 

 

She looked at her watch again and, unable to control her nervousness any longer, she picked up the phone and dialed the number of John’s loft.  It rang four times before John’s answerphone picked up the call.  Kristen debated for a spilt-second whether she should say something, but in a moment of panic, hit the off button on the portable.  Silently cursing the baby, which was now kicking her in the liver, she looked at the notepad which lay next to the phone.  Quickly tapping in the number, she waited.  The phone rang nine times before it was diverted to the operator.  

******

John stared at the phone which had just been ringing.  It was for Mike, he knew that, but for some reason it had made his skin cold and his pulse race.

 

“That was Kristen.”  Q confirmed John’s suspicions.  “She probably wants to know if the results of the tests have come in.”

 

“Mike did tell us both that they would be in today.”  John ran his fingers through already tousled hair.  What the hell do I do now?”

 

Q was silent as he let John contemplate his dilemma.  He was becoming peevish as the hours stretched on.  He wanted to get back to the penthouse and check that Marlena was alright.  Especially since this conversation he was having could well spell the end to their current closeness.  Any time he could spend with her tonight may well be the last private moments he would have in her company.

 

He blew out a noisy breath and tapped on the table.  

 

“So, what are you going to do John?”  John envisioning Kristen as he told her that she was carrying Marlena’s child, suddenly realized the reaction that that information would engender.

 

“Oh God!  I can’t tell her that it’s Marlena’s child!”  He looked around the room with new eyes.  

 

“That would spell the end to all her dreams of winning me back.  She hates Marlena and she would never willingly carry a child of hers.”  His face drained of color as he recognized the lengths that Kristen had gone to in the past to get what she wanted.  What was to make him think that she would not harm a child that stood in the way of getting what she wanted now?  Even if it was only revenge.  Besides, Kristen was so delusional now, who could tell what her rationale would be.  He only knew that he could not take that chance.

 

“You think she might harm the child?”  Q anticipated his thoughts.

“Unfortunately I think I would lay money on the probability,” John said grimly.  Another though flashed into his mind, and he felt sick again.  “I can’t tell Marlena.”

 

“You can’t tell Marlena?”  Despite himself, Q felt a small flash of hope.

 

“She wouldn’t be able to stay away from her own child.”  John’s eyes became sorrowful as he thought of deliberately keeping the truth from Marlena about her child.  His voice took on a melancholy lilt as he thought out loud.  “Marlena loves her children more than anything on this world.  There isn’t nothing she wouldn’t do for them.  I couldn’t expect her to stay away from Kristen throughout the pregnancy.  She wouldn’t be able to do it.  And then she would let it slip and Kristen would *know*.”  

 

Q watched John carefully.  For several moments his eyes had taken on the hue of a hunted animal.  Desperate and with no way to turn.  But he had come out of it and Q had to admit, his argument made a lot of sense.  From what he knew of Kristen DiMera, she would never willingly do something that would aid Marlena.  He knew that she didn’t care about the child at all, it was only a tool in her twisted machinations.  The moment it was no longer useful, it would be discarded, as disposable as any worthless toy.  And, as John had pointed out, Marlena’s knowledge of the situation would only chance to put her child in danger.  If this child was as important as Q2 had informed him, none of them could take that chance.

******

Caroline set her long overcoat over the back of the chair and turned to the woman she considered to be a daughter.  

 

“Marlena dear, now will you tell me what is going on?”

 

“I have to go and talk to John.”   Marlena hedged slightly.  In a way she didn’t want to talk about it.  Some superstitious part of her believed that, like to blow out a candle and tell people your wish, it was a harbinger of bad luck to talk about something like this.

 

Caroline studied Marlena’s face.  Her eyes glittered happily, and her skin wore a lightly flushed hue.  A slight tinkle as Marlena moved drew Caroline’s attention to her wrist and the heavily laden bracelet that she wore around it.  She recognized it immediately, even though it had been years since she had seen it.

 

“You’re wearing John’s bracelet.”  She didn’t want to pressure Marlena, but as a concerned mother, who wanted her children to be happy, it was her prerogative to pry just a little.

 

“Yes.”  Marlena couldn’t keep the smile from slipping back onto her face.  

 

She gave up on the idea of not telling Caroline anything.  She was too excited.  “He’s been sending me all sorts of wonderful gifts Caroline and I just can’t kid myself any longer.”  Caroline reached out for her hand and squeezed it.  “I love him, and I want to be with him.  That’s what I’m going to tell him tonight.” 

 

“Oh that’s *wonderful*.”   Caroline smiled widely, her own excitement rising.  “There’s nothing I want more than for the two of you and little Belle and Brady to be happy.”  She squeezed Marlena’s hand again and Marlena’s smile widened.

 

“That’s what I want too Caroline.  To be happy and give my children a happy, stable home.  Nothing would be better than that.” 

******

Kristen glared at Illeanna as the woman moved unobtrusively around the living room, clearing up the shattered crystal vase that lay in glittering shards on the floor.  Vexed at the lack of communication from John or Mike she had lost her temper and the vase had borne the brunt of her frustration.  

 

She stalked across the room and checked herself in the mirror.  Wiping a smear of mascara from under her eye, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and made a decision.  If no-one was going to find her, then she” d just have to go and find someone.  Someone who she could put on the spot.  Someone who she knew she couldn’t lie to her.  She pulled her coat from the chair in which she had dumped it earlier and turned to Illeanna.  

 

“If anybody wants me, I’ll be at John’s,” she informed the housekeeper, her tone haughty.  If she had been less pregnant, she would have swept imperiously out of the room.  Instead, Illeanna watched her waddle to the door.

******

“I’m not sure where Eugene is,” Marlena told Caroline, “but he’s likely to be home sometime soon.  The kids will be fine with him if you want to go home then.”

 

“Are you sure?”   Caroline didn’t look entirely convinced, but Marlena smiled. 

 

“He looks after them all the time Caroline.  He’s probably the best nanny they’ve ever had.”

 

“Well as long as you are happy with that.”   Caroline couldn’t help the gladness that welled within her.  She had wanted this for so long.  “You have a *wonderful* time Marlena.”  Her beaming grin added to Marlena’s already high spirits.  

 

“Oh, I intend to Caroline, I really intend to.” 

******

Q nodded his head.

“I agree with you John.  The risk is too great to tell either one of them.  It is unfortunate, but it cannot be avoided.”   John let out the breath that he had been holding, suddenly becoming aware of the fact that he had been nervous in anticipation of Q’s reaction.

 

“Okay then.”   He nodded his head, taking in the enormity of what they were undertaking.  “I’ll tell Kristen that the baby is mine.  If she asks, though I doubt she will, I will tell her she is the mother.”   He felt sick at the thought of having to tell such a painful lie.  A lie that could well cost him his immediate future with Marlena.  And he knew she would hate him when she found out what he had done. But he had no choice.  He had to protect the life of this child.  With his own if it became necessary.

 

“I know that you have to do this John, but don’t give up on your quest to win Marlena back,” Q exhorted as enthusiastically as he could under the circumstances. 

 

“I don’ t intend to give up Eugene.”   John said half-heartedly.  “But I’m not sure how I can pursue Marlena and not tell her the truth about the child.  I love that woman and I have never been able to lie to her.”

 

“You’re not going to lie to her, you are just going to omit portions of the truth.”   Q pointed out.

 

“She’ll know something is up.”   John felt sick again as his chest became tight.  “And she’ll want to know why I have to keep such a close eye on Kristen.”

 

“Don’t give up John.”   Q warned.  “If you do Kristen will have won.  You will find some way to make this work.  You can’t give up on Marlena now.  You’re closer than you know.”   Q had to admit that that was the truth.  Marlena was about to give in, he could feel it, he could see it in her eyes.  At least she would be happy he tried to tell himself.  And he would have his entry back into the Continuum. 

 

So why was this conversation killing him?

 

John’s eyes silently gleamed with hope. Q was right.  He couldn’t give up on Marlena, he knew he couldn’t.   Maybe there was some way he could make this work.  Just maybe.  He said nothing more on the matter to Q but stood.  

 

“I have to go and find Kristen.”   He picked up some paper from the desk and scribbled a note on it for Mike.  He would let him know what was happening in the morning.  He turned to Q.

 

“Thank-you for your help,” he acknowledged stiffly.  He was grateful but the animosity between them made it difficult to express.

 

“You’re most *welcome* John,” Q returned with a touch of derision

 

John stared at him for several seconds and then muttered, almost pointlessly, that he had to go.  Q watched him hasten out of the office, intending to stop off at the loft before he went to find his ex-fiancée.  A slow, taunting smile spread across his face at the sight of the receding figure.

 

“Run, Forrest, run!”  he drawled lazily as he watched John turn the corner.  

******

Marlena wrapped her woolen coat around herself in anticipation of the crisp spring wind outside.  Caroline came down the stairs having checked on the children who were both still sound asleep.

 

“Are you *still* here?” she teased from the foot of the steps.

 

“Oh Caroline, I’m so nervous,” Marlena admitted.  Caroline came to where she was standing and fidgeting with her purse.

 

“Don’t be nervous dear.  Just go and tell him how you feel.  You know he feels the same, so you have nothing to be nervous about.”  She shepherded Marlena gently to the door.  “You are going to have a wonderful evening.  I can just feel it.”

 

Marlena opened the door and then turned to the older woman with an enchanting smile.  “Oh, I hope you are right.  I just want this to be right.”

 

“It will be,” Caroline assured her as she pushed her out of the door.  “Now you *go*, and good luck.”

 

Marlena nodded, still wreathed with a breathtaking smile as she entered the elevator.  

 

It wouldn’t be long now.

Chapter 44 – Sweet Deceit

Kristen stepped out of the elevator and onto the landing, facing the dull grey door of John’s loft.  She regarded it for several moments before knocking out several sharp raps with her gloved knuckles.  The baby shifted uncomfortably again, and she cursed it as she waited for the sounds of life within the loft.  When they didn’t come, she looked around and the surreptitiously pulled a key from her purse.  She had made a copy in case it would ever come in handy.  It looked like now was one of those times.  

 

She inserted the silver key in the door and turned it quietly.  There was a click and the door loosened under her touch.  Smiling, she slid it open and entered the quarters that she had once inhabited with John.

 

Shedding her coat, she did a quick once over of the living room, scowling at what she saw.  Most surfaces were adorned with framed pictures of Marlena, Belle or both.  Some even had John and Brady, looking like the happiest family.  Kristen sneered as she saw the large, framed print of John and Marlena on the mantlepiece over the fireplace.  It was the same as the one that had been in Marlena’s room last year.  The from when they had been married, Marlena in a yellow jersey, looking radiant and John with a blissfully silly grin on his face. 

 

Kristen had destroyed Marlena’s copy all those months ago.  She had smashed it and mangled it beyond recognition in a fit of jealous rage.  And she had felt a certain sense of satisfaction when she was done.  She felt like doing the same thing to this one.  To *all* of them.  She was so close to gathering them all up and pitching them out of the window, preferably into the river.  Mind you, she thought nastily, I’d rather toss his precious *Doc* into the river instead.  But it wasn’t a risk she could take.  John could come home at any minute, and she had to be ready for him.  

 

She looked around the loft once again before walking over to the kitchen area and switching on a jug.  Her poor darling John, he was going to need a cup of tea when he got home.

******

Marlena stepped off the lift in the basement and walked to her car.  A quick fumble of her keys and a squeeze of the remote elicited a whoop from the alarm system as it switched off.  Marlena opened the door and settled herself in the car.  It had been serviced recently and smelt of the sickly-sweet fragrance that had been used to scent the plush interior.  She looked in her rear-view mirror as she inserted her key in the ignition. 

 

The area behind her was clear as she twisted the key.  The engine spluttered into life, coughed and then died.  Marlena sighed and twisted the key again.  Again, the engine responded for a moment before it choked to a halt.  Marlena’s heart sank in her chest.  This wasn’t the best of signs for a good night.

******

John entered the elevator blindly, his mind swimming.   There was so much to comprehend, he wasn’t sure how to tonight.  And the last thing he wanted to have to deal with was Kristen.  He would much rather have a good night’s sleep and hope this all made more sense in the morning.  

 

He rubbed his eyes exhaustedly.  Maybe he could do that.  He could call Mike and let him know what he intended to do.  That he would tell Kristen that she was the mother and ……He would have to tell him that Marlena was the real mother.  John shook his head.  How the hell was he going to explain that one to Mike?  And how could he justify it?  His headache pinched at his temples as he quickly tried to run through possible problems in his mind.  As wonderful as this news was it was going to take a lot of work to make sure that things went the way he wanted them to go.  When he worked out what that way was.

 

His head pounded even more insistently as the elevator lurched to a halt.  There were so many thoughts and so many questions wanting to be heard, to be addressed, that they seemed to batter at his skull trying to get out.  He was so distracted that he barely noticed that the door to the loft was open until he reached it.

******

Q cornered Mike Horton as he walked wearily back to his office.

 

“Dr. Horton,” he tapped the preoccupied young man on the shoulder.

“Wha-?  Oh.”  Mike bowed his head as he got his jumpiness under control.  The cost-cutting measures at the hospital lately had led to longer hours for all the staff and especially him.  He was so overworked that even the smallest thing could unnerve him.    And Eugene Bradford was definitely not a small thing.  It seemed like most of Salem had been on edge since his unexpected and still unexplained arrival.  

 

However, Mike reigned in his irritation as he addressed Q.  “Can I help you?”

 

“I have to talk to you about the child that Kristen DiMera is carrying,” Q hissed at Mike so that passing staff members could not hear.

 

“I’m afraid that I am not able to discuss anything pertaining to that patients case, or any other.”  Mike tossed off the standard line, anxious to get to his office and shed the constricting white coat he wore.

 

“Cut the bullsh*t Horton!”  Q yanked at Mike’s arm as he walked away, pulling him off balance and into an empty examining room.  “Anyway, I have no intention of discussing *anything* with you.”  He smiled but Mike could see that there was no humor in his eyes and he felt a shiver prick its way up his spine.  “I am going to talk, and you are going to listen.  Alright doctor?” 

 

Mike paused for a moment and then nodded with a sigh.  Whatever this man wanted to say, he was obviously going to say it whether Mike liked it or not.

 

“Good.  Glad you we understand each other.”  Q smiled nastily again.  “Now you and I both know that Kristen DiMera is not carrying her own child.”  He stilled Mike’s objection with a wave of his hand.  “Yes, I know.  There is no point in denying it.  I also know who the biological mother of the child is.”  Q watched Mike carefully as surprise blossomed on his face.

 

“Who?”  Mike shook his head.  He had never imagined that anyone would be able to find out the truth of this matter so quickly.  Unless…..  He looked at a silent Q.  “How do you know who the mother is?”  he demanded.

******

Marlena turned the key in the ignition again.  The engine died for the third time, and she thumped the steering wheel in frustration.  She was *not* about to have a *car* thwart her now she had made her decision.  She’d just have to catch a cab.  

******

“It doesn’t matter how I know.”  Q snapped.  “What does matter is that John knows too and since he will tell you in the morning, *you* may as well know now.  As long as it goes no further than this room.”  Mike nodded in agreement.  For now, anyway.  When he knew the facts of the case, he would re-evaluate that particular promise.

 

Q regarded Mike carefully. There was no way to know if he could trust him.  But he had no choice.  John trusted him and Q had sensed on more than one occasion that Mike had a soft spot for Marlena.  If nothing else that would ensure his silence.

 

Q neared Mike, his face deadly serious.  “I can’t explain how, Dr. Horton, but Marlena Evans is the mother of that child.  And *that’s* why we can’t tell Kristen.”

******

Marlena gathered her handbag and coat in the seat next to her. She looked at them and sighed as she decided to give the car one more chance.  She would prefer to keep her own company to John’s place.  She was too nervous and too excited to listen to inane cabbie chatter on the way over to the loft.

 

It was for this reason that she gave a relieved giggle when the engine turned over as she tried the ignition again.  With the motor purring sweetly, she leaned over and checked herself in the mirror.  She pulled out her lipstick and quickly fixed her lips, and then, after tucking her hair behind her ear, she put on her seat belt and eased the car out of its allocated parking space.

******

“Marlena?”  Mike looked Q in shock.  “How the hell could Marlena be the mother?  How would Kristen ever allow that to happen?”

 

“She doesn’t *know* that it’s Marlena’s child.  She thinks it’s hers.  And if she finds out the truth….”  Q sighed dramatically, “I don’t know what it could drive her to do.”

 

“So, what does John plan to do?”  Mike’s mind was working fast as he considered the implications, ethical and otherwise of this announcement.  

 

“He’s going to tell Kristen that the child is his, and if she asks, that it’s hers.  He doesn’t want to put a life at risk.”  Q announced, his theatrical nature taking over.

 

“And what about Marlena?  Does she know about all this?”  Mike asked.

 

“Marlena doesn’t know anything about it and John believes it’s best not to tell her the truth lest she let it slip to Kristen.”  Mike was suddenly aware of Q’s smile and realized he had something unspoken invested in that decision.

 

“Is that wise?”  Mike asked carefully.  “After everything John and Marlena have been through with Kristen, won’t Marlena be terribly upset if John keeps this from her?  And doesn’t she have a right to know that she is going to be a mother again?”

 

“Perhaps those are questions that you would like to take up with John when he comes to see you in the morning.”  Q wished to avoid putting words in John’s mouth.  He had to be careful, or his motives could be misconstrued.  “I will just ask you that if Kristen asks you for results before then that you avoid telling her the truth.  At least until you have discussed it with John.”

 

Mike stared at the man carefully.  He could find no reason to refuse him his request.  It seemed the most sensible course of action, or non-action considering the circumstances.  Besides, John had already asked him to remain silent.

 

“Fine,” he nodded his head.  “Just until I speak to John.  I’m not promising anything after that.”

******

Marlena hummed as the tune sprinkled out from the speakers in the car.  It was a relaxing, mellow tune but she wasn’t familiar with the melody.  The reflection of the lights glistened on the water as she drove along the riverfront, and she had a profound feeling that all was right with the world.   

 

She wasn’t far from John’s when the words of the song coalesced into meaning.

 

Boy, I got a wake-up call

And it left a message that you just don’t care at all

You can’t expect me to believe that she doesn’t mean anything

You say that you love only me

Your kinda lovin’ my darling I just don’t need

 

 A shiver ran through Marlena as she irritably flicked the switch that controlled the radio stations.  She found one playing soft strains of classical music and she tried to settle back into her seat.  A feeling of dread passed through her, as though the words were spoken for her as some sort of omen, but she brushed the sensation off as quickly as it had come.

 

Nothing could stop her from telling John that she loved him tonight.

 

He had once told her that their love was inevitable.  That it was fated that they would be together.  There were times when she had wanted with all her heart to believe it but hadn’t quite dared to.  Now she could and she was determined that nothing would come between them again.

******

John stepped into the loft; his jaw set solidly in an outward display of anger.

“What are you doing here?”  he hissed at Kristen who was holding out a cup of coffee to him.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing honey.”  She smiled ingratiatingly as she proffered the cup.  John looked at it in disgust before he turned his back on her.

“What did you *really* want Kristen?” he asked coldly as he shrugged his coat off and hung it up.

 

Kristen set the mug on the counter sulkily.  She hated that John reacted to her like this.  But it wouldn’t be long before she had him back in her arms.  She could feel it in her bones.  She could feel it in their child which was moving within her.

 

“She’s moving John.”  She whispered softly.  If anything could woo John back to her, it would be their child.  She had to work that advantage.  “Do you want to feel her?”

 

John felt as though his heart had stopped in his chest.  He could hardly breath as the pain of the knowledge he hid threatened to consume him.  It had been bad enough when he had suspected that she was using her child to ensnare him.  But now that he knew it was his and Marlena’s, the hatred he felt for Kristen had increased out of all proportion.  Yet he knew that he must not let her see that emotion in his eyes or he could lose that child forever.

 

Her offer to feel the movements had him torn.  It was Kristen, but she was carrying Marlena’s child.  He couldn’t ignore that.  The love he felt for that tiny life seemed to be beyond all reason.  Carefully and with effort he avoided her attempt at changing the topic.

 

“What did you want Kristen?” he asked as gently as he could as he turned back to her.

 

Kristen kept her sigh silent.  He was so much harder to manipulate now.  She had liked him better when he had been the foolish and deluded John Black that had been in love with her.  Now he *thought* too much.  And she didn’t like it.

 

“I was wondering if you had heard anything from Mike Horton.”  She somehow managed to pull off a look that approached humility.  “Your distrust of me has been hard John.”  She came closer to him.  “I’m just hoping that when you know the truth that we can put all this…. pain behind us.”  She reached out a trembling hand to his pale face.  “You look tired honey.”

 

“I *am* tired.”  John snapped.  “I’m tired of all your lies and you refusal to let me go Kristen.  I love Marlena and my place is with her now.”

 

“But where is she John?”  Kristen hit at his weak spot.  “I don’t see *her* here trying to fix things between the two of you.  *I* love you, John.  I know I did some terrible things, but it was only because I loved you.”

 

“*That* is not love.”  John’s temper got the better of him as he crossed the floor to the opposite end of the loft living room.  “You *lied* and you manipulated mine and everyone else’s feelings.  How can you claim that’s *love*?”  

 

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in a movement of frustrated, nervous energy.  “Look, let’s not get into this Kristen.  It’s been a long day and I just want to be alone.”

 

“Right.  Okay.”  Kristen nodded slowly.  It seemed that she wasn’t going to get anywhere with this tonight. “Before I leave though, John, you didn’t answer my question about Mike.  Did you see him today or didn’t you?”

******

Marlena’s heart pounded even more heavily as she pulled up outside John’s building.  The lights were on in the loft, a good indication that he was inside.  Turning the engine off, she dropped the keys into her lap and took several deep breaths.  She was so nervous she felt faintly nauseous.  

 

It seemed almost ironic that she would be this tense about this, but she had waited so long for this moment.  She never felt more right than when she was with John.  He was part of her, just as she was part of him, and one was never whole without the other.

 

Pulling her lipstick out of her bag and applied it again to her lips.  The golden hue of her satin dress brought out the brown in her hazel eyes and the warm bronze of the lipstick accentuated the paleness of her skin.  Her thick hair fell around her shoulders, and she tucked it again behind her ears.  A quick smile at herself in the rearview mirror convinced her that she was looking her best.

 

She climbed out of the car and pulled her coat closely around her.  It might be spring, but the nights were still crisp and very cool.  She squeezed the remote and the car beeped several times as she walked towards the building that contained her future.

******

“Yes, I saw Mike.”  John’s voice came floating softly into the tense stillness of the room.

“And?”  Kristen bit back her irritation.  Would he just spit it out already?

“And,” John sighed as he dropped wearily onto the sofa, “he tells me that you were right.  It is my child.”

“See?”  Kristen smiled triumphantly.  “I told you I wouldn’t lie about something as important as that.”

 

Little do you know.  John thought, feeling ill as he saw the smirk on her face.  And the only way to protect the child is for it to stay that way.  He had a vision in his mind of telling Marlena that Kristen was carrying her baby.  And that it had been his fault that she had lost one of them.  Oh, Doc baby, I never knew.  We lost a baby, and we never knew.  He knew that she would hate him when she found out the truth.  That he had kept the knowledge of her children from her, that he had not allowed her to grieve for the loss of her child.  

 

Still, if she did hate him, he’d have to live with those consequences.  He didn’t want her to have to grieve for two babies because of his actions.  And if she did hate him…. he closed his eyes, the pain of the idea running like a knife blade through him….at least he would have their children.  He would know that he had done the right thing.  And he would never stop loving her.  

 

Kristen moved across the room and carefully perched herself on the sofa next to him.

“I know you are angry at me John.”  She nodded, looking contrite, “you have every reason to be.  But what is important is our child.  We have to bond together.  I don’t want this child to suffer because we are continually arguing.  That’s not healthy for us, or our baby.”  She put her hand softly on his muscular forearm.  

 

She stared at it for a moment, lost in the memory of those arms holding her as he tenderly made love to her.  A sharp kick in her pancreas brought her out of her absorption and elicited a pained groan.  

“Are you alright Kristen?”  John was concerned, not primarily for her, but the baby.

“Fine.”  Kristen sounded slightly winded, and she grimaced as she pushed herself off the couch to straighten out.

 

John stood with her, and her emotions softened as she saw the worry scribed across his face.  An inner voice told her that she had him.  Right where I want him.

******

Marlena entered the elevator lost in a world of her own.  A world where John was taking her in his arms and laying her on the silken sheets that covered the bed. A world where he was whispering to her over and over again that he loved her, and he would never let her go again.  She smiled a shy secretive smile.  

 

A tune slipped into her mind, and she began to hum absentmindedly, trying to ignore the thumping of her heart.    As the elevator swayed slowly to the top of the building, she tried to imagine what he would be doing right at that moment.  The smile slipped back as she thought of him, whatever he was doing now, his life would change in the next few minutes.

******

“Are you sure you’re okay?”  John insisted, his heart pounding.  He couldn’t let anything happen now.

 

“Sure John.”  Kristen was beginning to wonder if maybe John’s reactions weren’t a little over the top.  “The baby just kicked me that’s all.”  She grinned.  “For such a wee one, she’s very active.”  A pained look crossed her face again and she put her hand on John’s arm to steady herself.  “Ow.”  She looked up at John.  “Are you sure you don’t want to feel?”  She genuinely wanted John to be involved, to feel this amazing developing being inside her.  

 

John looked at her for a moment and then down at her bulging stomach.  His heart filled with love for the child within and he couldn’t help himself as he hesitantly lay his hand on the curve of Kristen’s belly.  He pulled it away like a frightened child when he felt the flutters of life that lay beneath the skin.  He looked up at Kristen in surprise and then a smile slowly lit up his face.  Kristen reveled in his joy as he lay his hand back on her stomach, this time more solidly.  When he felt the next movement, he it was as if his heart had skipped a beat.  This was his child.  His and Marlena’s babe.  Belle’s little brother or sister.  

 

His smile never left his wonder-filled face as he looked back up at Kristen.  

 

“That’s my baby.”  Was all he could say.  “I’m going to be a daddy.”

 

“Our baby,” she whispered to him.  “The child we created from our love.”

 

John didn’t even hear her murmurings as he kneeled down in front of her.  Both his hands enclosed the blooming stomach before him, and he laid his cheek at the spot where he felt the babe moving.  Oddly, the movement of the child settled at his touch, as though his presence calmed it.

 

“Hey baby,” he whispered, “It’s your daddy.”

***

The door of the elevator ground open, and Marlena stepped out onto the solid floor.  Biting her lip, she clutched her purse tightly to still her trembling hands.  With a jolt, she realized the door of the loft was open. 

 

With an icy fear that suddenly clutched at her being, she walked to the door.

***

“Hey there little guy.  Or girl.”  John grinned as he missed Kristen tensing in front of him.  “I’m your daddy.  But you know that donchya?”  He closed his eyes and nuzzled the warm body as the fetus moved beneath the surface.  “I love you in there.  Don’t you ever forget that.”  His hand caressed the roundness as he literally forgot that it was Kristen that was standing in front of him.  

 

“I love you so much.  I’m never going to let you forget that.  I love you and I love your Momma.  She’s…..”John sighed.  “Well, you’ll find out baby.  When you are born, you, me and your Momma, we’ll be a real family.”  Tears filled his eyes as he thought of Belle and Brady.  “I could never give your sister or brother that.  But I promise that this time it will be different.”  Closing his eyes again, he pulled Kristen closer to him.

 

Marlena stifled a sob as she stared in horror at Kristen and John.  She couldn’t believe what she had just heard.  He had sworn to love her forever.  But this….  A violent wave of nausea swept through her as she slapped her hand across her mouth, the tears already cascading down her face.

 

Kristen had seen Marlena as she had arrived, but John had done her work her.  Marlena was devastated and she slumped against the door frame, grabbing at it desperately to hold her up.  Kristen was devoid of all sympathy for her enemy as Marlena fulfilled her wildest fantasies.  A triumphant grin came easily to her face, and she winked as she mouthed the words that she had longed to say.

 

“I’ve won Marlena.   I’ve won…..”

Chapter 45 – Dangerous Honesty

Marlena felt the bile burning her throat as she turned blindly for the elevator.  She stumbled and instinctively held her breath, praying that John hadn’t heard her.  She couldn’t face up to him now.  She was stunned, and she couldn’t even begin to make sense of what was happening, but still, her face flamed scarlet as the humiliation began to sink in.

 

In front of her, the elevator was still open, and she reached for the bars of the door as though they offered some kind of salvation.  Groping for the buttons, she stabbed at the one that would take her to the ground floor, and away from him.  *Them*

 

The door was agonizingly slow in closing and Marlena closed her eyes in pain, willing it to close, as if it would be a barrier between her and the pain that was tearing at the inside of her chest.  She gasped for a painful breath as the lift began its clunking movement downward, the air searing its way down her parched throat.  Her head became light as she struggled for air.  She felt like she was drowning, not in liquid, but in the suddenly heavy, lifeless atmosphere that surrounded her.

 

The image of John and Kristen sat in front of her eyes, emblazoned into her memory and refracted as though there were a thousand mirrors in her mind, until all she could see was that one picture, over and over again.  John kneeling in front of Kristen and telling her they were going to be a family.

 

Marlena clutched the bars of the lift door as she tried to regain some control.  She couldn’t faint, not here, not now.  She couldn’t let herself, as much as she wanted to succumb to the darkness that gathered at the edges of her consciousness.  She needed to regain some control if she was ever going to get through this nightmare.

******

“Oh, John honey.”  Kristen sighed, running her fingers through his thick dark hair.  “I just knew that everything would be alright once you knew.  We’re going to be so happy.”

 

John pulled away from Kristen slowly and looked up at her, almost as if he didn’t recognize her.

 

“John honey, are you okay?”  For a horrible moment, Kristen wondered if John had somehow known that Marlena had been there.

 

“Huh?”  John felt lost.  He had no idea what he had been doing.  It was as though the child, his and Marlena’s had wrapped a spell of love around him and for a few moments he had been aware of nothing else but the feel of its movements.

 

“I just said that” Kristen smiled and reached out to smooth down John’s hair, “we are going to be so happy.  You and me and our baby.  Oh, and Brady of course.”  She couldn’t bring herself to mention Marlena’s brat.  The less Marlena came into the conversation, the better.

 

John suddenly felt sick.  How could he have said those things in front of Kristen?  How could he have been so thoughtless?  Half a minute and he could have just ruined everything.

“Kristen….”  Suddenly he was distracted by a hint of a scent.  A scent he recognized.  A perfume that haunted his dreams.  He whipped his head around to the doorway, but it was empty.  There was no sign of her.

 

He shook his head, and it was gone as thought it had never existed.  And maybe it hadn’t.  Maybe it had been just a figment of his over-wrought mind.

 

“What is it, John?”  Kristen’s voice was husky with an emotion he couldn’t define.

 

“Nothing…”  he sounded exhausted.  “It was nothing.”  He turned back the woman that carried his child’s life in her hands.

 

“Listen Kristen.  What I said before….. I got carried away,” he lied.  “I’m sorry.  I never meant to mislead you; make you think there was a chance for us.”

 

“But you said that you loved me.”  Kristen returned with some confusion.

 

“Did I?”  John feigned surprise.  “Maybe you misheard.”  He turned away from her.  “The truth is Kristen; I don’t feel any different.  I want the best for our child…” it choked him to lie like that, to deny his child’s true parentage, but he had no choice.  “I intend to be there for you and the child, but there will be no relationship.  No family.”

 

Kristen looked at him for several moments, and then turned away.  Something wasn’t right. He was lying.

 

 He *had* said he loved her.  She had heard him; she had been listening very carefully.  She shrugged, as though she accepted his words.  If he wanted her to believe that he didn’t mean what he had said, then she would have to wait.  He would get over his guilt soon enough.  And then he would acknowledge that he did want her, that he needed her and their child.  Especially now Marlena was out of the picture.

 

The thought brought an unbidden smile to her face.

******

Slowly Marlena slid down the wall and came to rest on the floor, leaning over till her head was between her knees.  Slow, steady breaths began to help her regain some equilibrium.

 

The thump of the elevator as it hit the ground floor roused her from her daze and she pulled herself upright as the door opened, grateful that no-one was around to see her distress.  He face was devoid of tears as she headed desperately for the door of the building.  She was past crying.  What she had witnessed had torn her life and her dreams apart and she was lost in the overwhelming agony she felt. 

 

The cold air hit her at the doorway, assaulting her face, whipping through the opening of her coat and chilling her past numbness.  A crushing wave of nausea overtook her as her deadened fingers searched for a hold on the cold concrete of the outside wall.  But the queasiness became too much for her and she doubled over and retched convulsively into the blackness of the spring night.

******

John felt a chill sweep though him.  He was messing things up already.  How the hell was he going to keep this up for another few months?  Gently he put his hand on Kristen’s shoulder and pulled her around.  He searched her face for some hint of what she was thinking but found none.

 

As he sometimes did, he found himself seeing the old Kristen, the one he had fallen in love with.  At the least the one he had thought he had fallen in love with.  She had never existed, and now he wondered if maybe his feelings hadn’t either.  Maybe he had just wanted to think that he was in love, so that the pain of losing Marlena wouldn’t eat at him quite as much. 

 

Whatever the truth of the matter, those feelings were dead.  As soon as the child was born, John wanted Kristen out of their lives.  However difficult that may be to accomplish.  For now, he had to be very careful about what he said around Kristen.

 

“I’m sorry Kristen.”  His voice was quiet but firm.  “I love the child, and I want to make a complete life for it.  But that’s impossible after what you’ve done.  I will support you, but I can’t promise you anything more.”

******

Marlena felt as if the world were falling apart.  Everything so carefully constructed had turned out to be nothing more than illusion, a flimsy pretense that was tearing and fraying at the seams.

 

She had wanted to believe.  Oh, how she had wanted.  

 

She had wanted him, and she had fooled herself into thinking that he was sincere.  She should have known, after all this time.  She should have *known*.  Boy, I got a wake-up call.  And it left a message that you just don’t care at all.  The refrain from the song in the car on the way over echoed in her brain until she wanted to scream for it to stop tormenting her.  There was no energy to scream though.  There was just the empty, aching pain that consumed her and made her feel as though she wanted to die.

 

She staggered towards the car and moaned as the nausea welled up inside her again.  It took all her willpower to make it to the gutter before she vomited again, retching until her eyes were watering.  She wiped her mouth ineffectively with her handkerchief and struggled with her keys, praying that she made it into the car before she totally collapsed.

******

Q opened the front door and stepped quietly inside.  He was surprised to find Caroline on the couch reading a magazine.

 

“Mrs. Brady?”

 

“Oh, hello Eugene.”  Caroline smiled and awkwardly levered herself off the couch, her bones aching.

 

“Where’s Marlena?”  Q chided himself for sounding so apprehensive.  There was nothing unusual about Caroline baby-sitting for Marlena.

 

“She wanted to go over and talk to John.”  Caroline had a suspicious air about her.  Eugene wasn’t entirely sure that she liked him.  Not that he found that a particular problem.  

 

“Ah.  So, things are going well then.”  Q tried to sound cheery.

 

“It would seem so,” she paused.  “She said I should leave the children with you when you came home.”  Her tone was grudging, and Q knew there was no trust there.  Especially after what had happened to Belle.

 

“They’ll be just fine Caroline.”  He nodded his head.  “Marlena trusts me.”  Even if you don’t.  The unspoken words lingered in the air between them.

 

“Right then.”  Caroline smiled weakly.  “Tell the children that I love them.”

 

“I will do that.”  Q followed her to the door and helped her with her coat.

 

She reached for the door handle and then turned round.

 

“Everything is going to be right very soon,” she said with sureness.  “The children will have their father back with them.  I hope you are prepared for that.”

 

“More than prepared.”  Q sounded more confident than he felt.

 

“Good.”  Caroline opened the door, and without another word or glance and left the penthouse.

 

Q closed the door quietly behind her and climbed the steps wearily.

******

Kristen bit her lip as she stared at John.  Even the pain failed to induce the tears she hoped for.  That was one thing she had never been able to master, and it irked her.

 

“I know you can’t promise me a future yet John,” her voice wavered, “but I love you with all my heart.  And I know I’ll never stop loving you.  I can’t do that.  Please don’t ask me to.”

 

Tears filled John’s eyes as his heart ached.  He was all too familiar with that feeling.  He just wished Kristen wasn’t.  It would have made so many lives so much easier.

 

“I can’t give you what you want Kristen,” he rasped.

 

“Not now you can’t,” she reached out and touched his face hesitantly.  “I know I have done some terrible things.  I don’t know why.  I can’t find any excuses.”  Her eyes were downcast.  “There aren’t any for that sort of behavior.”

 

John closed his eyes and took a breath before he softly enclosed Kristen’s wrist in his grasp and pulled it from his face.  

 

“I can’t excuse what you did.  Especially to Marlena.”

 

Kristen fumed inside at the sound of the hated name but forced herself to remain steady.  “Please don’t write me off yet John. I was good once and I will be again.  I *am* going to redeem myself in your eyes.  I am going to be worthy of you and our baby.”

 

John’s jaw set solidly.  After what she had done to Marlena, exposing her to the insanity of Stefano DiMera, and after what she had done to him in that Paris hotel room, how could she expect that?  There would never be any way that he could forgive her, let alone let her back into his life, even if she could change.  He couldn’t let her think otherwise.  However unfair she had been to him; he couldn’t be anything but honorable.

 

“There is no redemption, Kristen.”  He shook his head with certainty.  “And there will be no future.”

******

Q caught the muffled sounds of sobbing as he passed Marlena’s room.  Confused, he pushed open the door in time to see a tiny, tousled blond head duck under the covers.

 

“Belle?”  His heart went out to the child, and he knelt down by the bed and slowly peeled the covers back.  “What are you doing under there, pixie?”

 

“Sssss.  Done tell Gwanma.”  The small, tearstained face begged.

 

“It’s alright, your Granma is gone.”  Q whispered.  “Now, do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Belle frowned and shook her head and Q noticed the picture frame hugged to her chest.

 

“What’s that you have there, Belle baby?”  Her bottom lip began to quiver as she stared at Eugene, refusing to answer.

 

Gently he pried it from her miniature fingers to find that it was a picture of the little girl between her parents.  Marlena and John.  They were all smiling, their happiness giving lie to the true situation.

 

“You miss your Dad, is that it?”  Q’s heart ached as the little girl nodded miserably.

 

“Why can’t Mommy an’ Daddy be togever?”  She brushed a tear away irritably, and Q was struck with how much the motion was reminiscent of Marlena.  A wave of loneliness swept through him, so strong it felt like a physical blow.

 

“I don’t know sweetheart.”  He put the picture down on the bedside table and gathered the little girl into his arms.  “I don’t know.”

******

Marlena slumped in the front seat of the car.  However much she wanted to cry, her eyes remained painfully dry.  In her lap, her fists were clenched into small balls, her knuckles painfully white.  She swallowed and then opened her eyelids, the bright halos of the streetlights temporarily blinding her.

Stretching out her painfully stiff hands, she wiped one across her forehead in despair.  

 

Suddenly she stopped, straining to hear.  There was nothing, but she could have sworn she heard a child’s voice.  A child calling for its mother.

 

“Belle.”  It was her first word. Her child, her salvation.

 

She had to get home.

******

Belle snuggled into the crook of his arm and looked up at him.

 

“Where’s Momma?”  she asked, looking up at him with shining eyes.  “I mith her.”

 

“She had to go and do something important, Belle.”  Q felt awkward.  He didn’t want to get the child’s hopes up.  “She’ll be here when you wake up, I’m sure.”  He tucked a blanket around her and leaned back against the wall.

 

Several moments later, Belle moved to look at him again.

 

“Gee?”

 

“Yes Belle?”

 

“Do you wuv Mommy?”  The innocent question hit Q like a bolt of lightning.  Did he love Marlena?  How could he love a mortal?  That wasn’t possible.  It just couldn’t happen.

 

He looked down at the little girl in his arms, her face glowing with the naiveté of childhood, and realized that it was time to stop lying to himself.  It *had* to be possible, because he *was* in love with Marlena.  He always had been.

******

Marlena pulled out of the park and turned in the direction of the penthouse.  Glancing behind her at the building she had come out of earlier, she felt another flutter of nausea, as uncontrollably, the memory of John and Kristen haunted her.

 

Suddenly, with a shock, she realized that it was she that was to blame.  Like so many years before, she had driven him away, told him she didn’t want him in her life.  And she had driven him back into Kristen’s arms.  She had waited too long to tell him she loved him, and now she would have to pay for that mistake for the rest of her life.  And Belle’s.  She had no-one to blame but herself.

 

The tears finally began to fall, as the misery overtook the shocking numbness that had protected her since she had walked in on that scene.  Faster and faster, as she swiped at her face, they seemed to swell exponentially, blurring her vision and pooling in dark marks on the satin of her dress.

 

The blare of the horn brought her back to a shocking reality.  She had drifted onto the wrong side of the road and the headlights of the oncoming car blinded her, so that she could see nothing but light.  Her heart rang deafeningly in her ears and time seemed to slow down till the seconds passed like infinite hours.  Thoughts of her children and her love for John filled her mind as, with a shriek of protesting brakes, she swerved violently to avoid the looming vehicle….

Chapter 46  – Cry Me a River

The angry squeal of tires on the asphalt faded as Marlena’s car skidded to a halt.  The horn of the other car blared, and Marlena vaguely saw the driver gesticulating as the car sped by her with mere inches to spare.  The shock of her near miss began to sink in as her heart thumped deafeningly in her ears.  

 

Easing her stiff hands from the steering wheel, she realized that she was physically shaking.  Again, she swallowed, as the queasiness threatened to overwhelm her.  She had been so close to….  *So close*.  An utterly desolate feeling of loss flooded through her, and she began to weep for what she had lost and what she would now never have.

 

The stream of tears flowed into a torrent as Marlena wrapped her arms around her and sobbed her soul dry.

******

Q opened his eyes as he heard the sound of a little throat clearing.  In front of him stood Brady, in one arm a light blanket that trailed behind the little boy.  In the other hand, he held the arm of his favorite teddy bear.  He looked, Q reflected, like he belonged in a storybook.

 

“Where’s Mommy?”  Belle stirred restlessly in Eugene’s arms, and he looked down at the little boy with unusually soft eyes.  “Your mother had to go and see someone Brady.”

 

“Did she go and see Daddy?”  It was obvious that the child missed his father and held an unexpressed hope for the future.  It wasn’t surprising considering Marlena’s behavior lately, especially when John was around.

 

“I think she might have Brady, but don’t expect too much okay kid?”  Q tried to be kind, in case things didn’t work out the way the children hoped.  “Your mother and your father have a lot of things to work out.”

 

The child’s large eyes welled with tears and his lower lip quivered.  “I miss Daddy.”

 

“I know you do Brady.”  Q shifted a now awake Belle and allowed Brady to climb onto the bed.  “I know it’s hard for both of you.  But if you are a little patient, then you don’t know what might happen.”

 

He looked at the unsure little faces and sighed.  He’d never been much use around small children.  Maybe it was time for the secret weapon.

 

“Tell you what kids.  Why don’t we head downstairs and search out that ice-cream that your mother has hidden in the freezer?”

 

The agreement from the children was unanimous.

******

“I think you should probably go now Kristen.”  John walked past her to the still-open door of the loft.  He suddenly felt numbingly weary, and he couldn’t wait to get Kristen out of his home so he could head for bed.

 

Kristen looked at him for a moment, making him wonder if she was going to do the unforgivable and refuse to leave.  But she acquiesced with a silent nod and walked to the door awkwardly.  She wasn’t the sort of woman to wear a pregnancy well and every movement she made screamed that fact.

 

At the door, she turned around to face her ex-fiancée.  The silence was oppressive between them.

“Goodnight Kristen.  I’ll call you,” John muttered, wishing her gone already.  He began to slide the door between them, but Kristen’s hand on his shoulder stayed him.

 

“Goodnight John.”  Without hesitation, she leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.  She felt him flinch, but it didn’t worry her disproportionately.  The devastation and hurt she had seen on Marlena’s face had been enough to convince her that it was all but over between she and John.  All Kristen had to do was ensure that Marlena continued to believe that.

******

Finally, the tears abated.  She had begun to wonder if she could ever stop.  But with a muffled moan and a hiccup, finally she managed to regain her composure enough to stem the flow.  She wasn’t any less miserable, but she wasn’t quite as over-wrought as she had been ten minutes earlier.  

 

Marlena sniffed as she wiped her face again with her hands.  She looked down at her fingers and saw the black traces of melted mascara that were gathering in the creases of her knuckles.  Irritably, she sighed and searched through her bag for the tissues she carried.  

 

She found one and wadded it up to wipe her hands.  Pulling the rearview mirror, she groaned as she saw the state of her red and blotchy face, and the swollen, mascara-streaked eyes.  Methodically, she began to wipe her face, obliterating the traces of make-up which had settled under her lashes.  A bottle of water was stashed under the passengers seat, in case of emergencies and Marlena pulled it out and splashed some on her face, reducing the redness and puffiness of her complexion.

 

Finally, satisfied that she was presentable and calm enough to drive, she stuffed the contents back into her purse and smoothed down her dress.  She wasn’t going to let what had happened tonight affect the children.  If she could help it, she wasn’t going to let it affect her either.

 

It was over.  That was more than obvious.  John had made his decision, and she wasn’t about to try and change his mind.  She had more respect for herself than that.  She might love him to a fault, but if he couldn’t reciprocate those feelings that she had, then it was time to move on.  She had no choice.

 

Suddenly she desperately needed to see her children, and she turned the key in the ignition.  After a horribly long second, the engine caught and came to life, the low, rumbling purr of the black Mercedes strangely comforting.

******

John poured the boiling water into the teapot and fitted the lid to the ceramic container to let the tea leaves steep.  He had searched out the painkillers first, hoping to deaden the nagging pain that tore at his head.  His limbs were dead and heavy, as though he were moving through sand, and it took all his energy to pour out the tea and take it to the couch.

 

He collapsed on the soft seat and groaned as he relayed the evening’s events in his mind.  He had made such a mess of things.  He knew Kristen had suspected he was lying.  He just hoped she hadn’t caught on to *what* it was he’d been lying about.

 

Realizing that the crick in his neck was thanks to the awkward way his head was propped against the cushion, he pulled the soft bolster out and propped it under the back of his head.  As he did, he felt a lump, and his hand brushed against soft, curly fur.  Pulling the object out from between the cushions, he realized that it was one of Brady’s teddy bears.  A sad smile crossed his face as he realized how much he missed his little boy.  Both of his children.

 

He hugged the teddy bear fiercely to his chest and picked up the picture which lay askew on the sideboard behind the sofa.  It was one with he and Marlena, each holding a young twin, and Carrie between them.  It had been taken a few months before Marlena’s supposed death.  It was one of the only photos he had of them as a family, and he treasured it immensely.  He just wished that they had an opportunity to take another family portrait, this time with Belle and Brady.  If only…. if only Marlena would talk to him.  If only Eric would come home.  If only Sami would tell him that she forgave him for his past mistakes.  He sighed.  Somehow, suddenly, that all seemed a long way off.

******

The three of them sat on the floor, bowls in front of them, a tub of orange chocolate chip ice-cream slowly melting in the center of the triangle that they formed.  Q grinned at Brady, whose lips were coated with a messy mixture of orange and chocolate.  His little face was puckered as he rolled the dice of the old board game.  Belle had unearthed the Chutes and Ladders from the bottom of the toy-box and Q had agreed to join in the fun.

 

Belle laughed with perverse delight as Brady moved the allotted five squares and then slid back down the chute.  He had his revenge two rolls later when Belle ended up back at square number seven.  Q, winning, mysteriously moved six spaces on a roll of seven and ended up back at square two, sending both the children into uncontrollable fits of giggles with his expression of manufactured surprise.  

 

They were so wrapped up in their enjoyment that none of them heard the quiet click of the door opening and closing, nor the muffled footsteps on the carpet.

 

“Shouldn’t the two of you be in bed?”  Her face was almost devoid of expression, Q thought as he looked up in surprise.  He hadn’t expected her home till the morning.

 

“They couldn’t sleep.”  Q explained with a quick wink at the kids.

 

“Momma!”  Belle leapt to her feet and threw her arms around her mother’s satin-clad legs.

“Hi sweetie pie.”  Marlena managed a quick smile as she picked Belle up in her arms and hugged her tightly.  “Brady honey, you got a hug for me?”

 

Brady smiled and scrambled to his feet as Marlena crouched down to pull him into the embrace.

 

“Mmmm.  I missed you two tonight.”  Popping Belle onto the floor, she straightened up.

 

“You’re home early.”  Q stated measuredly.    Marlena stared at him for a moment and then turned to the children.

 

“You two stay here while I go and make myself a cup of tea okay, and then we can have some proper hugs?”

 

The children nodded, slightly perplexed by her strange behavior.  They watched her retreating figure as she made for the kitchen, and then Belle turned to Q.

 

“What’s wong wif Momma?” she asked, her fair brow marred by a frown.  Q smiled and stroked her hair.

 

“I’m not sure Belle.  Why don’t you stay here and I’ll go and find out.  Is that okay with the two of you?”  Brady nodded solemnly, Belle following his lead.  “Good, okay, you guys carry on with the game and I’ll be back in a couple of minutes, okay?”

 

Getting to his feet he made a beeline for the kitchen, where Marlena was pouring boiling water into a pot filled with chamomile.  She looked at him for a moment and then continued what she had been doing.  Q sat himself on the bench, his arms crossed and stared at her, not saying a word.  When she could stand it no longer, she turned to him.

 

“What?”  It was clipped, almost a command.

 

“What what?”  Q was slow and almost insolent by comparison.

 

“What the hell are you doing sitting there staring at me?” she said irritably.  “And what are you doing allowing my children to stay up this late?”

 

“Your children were missing you.”  Q told her.  “And they miss their father.  Speaking of which, would you like to tell me what you are doing home?”  He raised his eyebrows.  He could almost feel the tension radiating from her.  “Caroline Brady told me you were going over to John’s.  I’m assuming you didn’t get dressed up like that to borrow a cup of sugar.”  Marlena turned to him; her expression cold.

 

“For what it’s worth, even though it’s none of your business, I did go over to John’s. And it’s over between John and I.  For good.”

 

“What!?”  Q was shocked.  He had sensed John’s disappointment and some reticence earlier, but this?    What could have brought on this change of heart.  “What happened Marlena?”

 

“It’s not important ‘Gene and I really don’t want to talk about it.  It’s just over and that’s it.”

 

“But….”  Q was lost for words, that fact throwing him almost as much as Marlena’s news.

 

Marlena poured her herbal tea, deliberately and with extreme control.

 

“But what Eugene?”  She turned to him with a smile and a small shrug.  “These things happen.  We get over them.  That’s life.  Now,” she turned for the door.  “Where are those children of mine?”

******

John climbed the steps to the bedroom.  Every step was an effort.  He was so tired that the sensation of dragging from his limbs made him feel like he was trying to walk through quicksand.  It wasn’t just his body though; it was his mind too.  He had never felt such pure exhaustion.  Even in his long physical days as a cop, long nights on stakeout, or his during his work on the docks, after he had discovered he was not Roman, but before the revelation of his true familial connections, he had never felt this unmitigated weariness that had descended over him.

 

Unconsciously, he knew that it was the result of the emotional toll of the last few months.  The truth about Kristen, the journey back to and then the sudden loss of the woman he truly loved, and now this, another round of lies and deception, this time on his part.  It was almost unbearable.  Yet, part of him refused to recognize the source of his distress, for the truth was, the consequent months were unlikely to yield any lessening of the burden he had created for himself.  Unless…..  He shook his head.  He couldn’t let himself think or hope like that or it would drive him insane.  He just had to exist as best he could until the truth could be told.

 

He sighed and hugged the teddy bear tightly to him.  But he missed her terribly, almost more than his tired heart could bear.  He loved her so much.  More than he ever had any other woman.  Oh, and how he missed his precious  children.  God had sent them to him as blessings and he had squandered his chances and missed the paths chosen for him.  He had been foolish and vain, and his pride had blinded him to the one thing he had desired more than any other thing on this earth.

 

He sank down onto the step, smoothing the fur of the teddy away from the shiny button eyes.  The bear seemed to stare at him reproachfully, as if to point out that it should be with Brady, not his lonesome father.

 

John gave the bear a watery smile, but the twitch of his lips soon gave way to long stored tears and the bear dampened beneath his hands.

******

Q followed Marlena back into the living room where Belle and Brady were playing their own unique version of eye spy.  As soon as their mother appeared however, the game was forgotten in the rush to claim their promised hugs.

 

Marlena set her tea down carefully on the table and then swept the little boy and girl into her arms.

 

“Did you miss me?” she whispered with a smile.  Belle nodded emphatically, her older brother following suit.

 

“Where did you go Momma?” Belle asked hopefully, her sleepy eyes drinking in the sight of her adored mother.

 

“I had to pop in and see your sister Sami, honeybun.”  Marlena lied easily.  She wasn’t going to let her multitude of sins break Belle’s heart too.

 

“But Gene said you went to talk to Daddy.”  Brady’s voice was quiet and plaintive, but it shot like a barb through Marlena’s defenses, setting her on the back foot for a moment.  She so longed to make her children’s dreams come true, but it seemed close to impossible now.

 

“Did he?”  She raised her eyebrows at Q, clearly unhappy with the liberties she felt he had been taking recently.  But she turned back to Brady with an expressive smile.  “He must have been mistaken sweetie boy.  I’m afraid I didn’t talk to your daddy.”  She ruffled his hair lovingly.  “But maybe you’ll be able to see him in a couple of days or so.  Would you like that?”  She looked quizzically at Belle.  The little girl was staring back at her, her lips pursed in thought.  “What’s wrong honey?”

 

Belle narrowed her eyes for a moment and then smiled at her mother.

 

“Nuffin’ Momma.”

 

“Good.”  Marlena pulled both of the children into close hug for a moment, but inside she felt uneasy.  Somehow, she was sure, Belle knew she had been stretching the truth.  Biting her lip, she turned to Q who merely returned her glance with raised eyebrows.  Belle wasn’t the only one who wanted to know what was going on.  

 

Marlena’s expression turned hard for a moment and then she turned her back on Eugene.

 

“So, what are we playing here?”

 

“Eye pie!” Belle yelled as she jumped to her feet.  “I’s winnin’.”

 

“You are?”  Marlena grinned and looked around at Brady.  The child rolled his eyes and gave her a long-suffering look.  “Oh.”  Marlena smothered a laugh.  “I see.  You are.”

 

Belle nodded her pixie head, her blonde hair bouncing in dampened ringlets from a bath earlier.  Solemnly and carefully she began her third consecutive turn of eye spy.

 

“I pie wif my wittle eye, sometin’ be-” she stumbled over the big word again, “bin-, binin wif EM.”

 

“Mommy!”  Brady grinned at Belle’s crestfallen expression, and from somewhere deep inside herself, Marlena found the strength to laugh.

******

John finally made the last few steps to his bedroom with some effort and collapsed onto the bed, still clasping the teddy bear in his arms.  Suddenly, and without any conscious invitation, his mind was filled with her.  The scent of her, the feeling of the soft skin, freckled over her shoulders, the way she shook her long blond hair when it was annoying her.  The way her skin felt like heaven when it moved against his.

 

He shook himself from the almost meditative state he had found himself in.  This wasn’t helping at all.  But somehow, he couldn’t stop it and the images and sensations flooded his mind with riotous abandon.  The heady scent of damask roses, the curves of her lush body, bathed in the honeyed glow of candlelight.  The soft swell of her lower lip, sanguine and beckoning.  The way that she looked at him with drowsy, bedroom eyes, her golden irises glittering under half closed lids.

 

John felt his body responding to the memories and he let out a muffled groan of frustration.  He wanted her so much it was unbearable.

 

He closed his eyes and suddenly, again, all he could see was the steamy outline of her body through the fogged glass of the shower stall.  Then he could see the hot water, gliding rapidly over her skin, grazing the luscious curves, washing away the heat of their lovemaking.  He could virtually feel her wet body, moving, slipping against his, her hands gripping his shoulders as she moved in time with him –

 

He sat up, his eyes wide open.  This was crazy.  He needed sleep so badly, yet it was going to be impossible to sleep in this state.  Rubbing his eyes, he left the teddy bear sprawled among the rumpled sheets and padded into the bathroom to turn on the shower.

******

Q watched Marlena carefully as she played with the children.  She was smiling and laughing, but what he saw unnerved him.  By her own account, her relationship with John had ended tonight, yet she was acting as if nothing had happened.  But behind the smiles, there was nothing.  Her eyes were devoid of humor, of anything.  She wasn’t the Marlena he knew at all.

 

Her demeanor touched something inside him and awakened a memory from centuries before.  At least for him it had been.  It had been not long after he had met her.  He had been disturbed and confused, thrown into a life he knew nothing about and expected by the Continuum to cope and to learn.  To learn what, he hadn’t known as they had conveniently, or inconveniently stripped him of his memories and given him new ones for the duration.

 

At the time he met Marlena, then his therapist, he had been convinced that he had killed his wife.  But eventually, Marlena had told him, he hadn’t.  It had been Jake Kositchek, dubbed by the media, the Salem Strangler.  Jake had killed Marlena’s sister Samantha in a case of mistaken identity, and he had almost succeeded in strangling Marlena herself.

 

After the whole ordeal had ended, Eugene had been called in to see Marlena so she could tell him the true circumstances surrounding his wife’s death.  She had been composed and too together for it to be possibly real and he had nagged at her until she admitted it.  She had been feeling terribly guilty for not realizing it was Jake who was the strangler and she had blamed herself for the deaths of the women he had killed, especially her twin sister.  She had suffered exceedingly over the deaths and the part she felt she had played in the drama.  But she had had Roman there to guide her and support her through that trauma.  

 

To Q’s eye, there was something about the way she was behaving now that was quite reminiscent of that time, but now, Q thought, she had no-one.  No-one but her children, and him.

 

She was rocking a tired Belle gently on her lap and the eye spy game had lapsed for the moment as Brady polished off what was left of the melted ice-cream.

 

“Hey.”  He said to Marlena softly.  “Eye spy with my little eye, something beginning with B.”

 

“B?” she asked wearily.  “I don’t know Gene, why don’t you just tell me.”

 

“Well, that would spoil the game.”  Q tried to elicit some spark of interest from her, but there was none.  The life and passion that lived in her eyes had been extinguished in one cruel stroke and it hurt him to see it.

 

“Fine then.  I wouldn’t want to spoil anyone’s fun.”  Marlena said with a hint of something that sounded almost like bitterness.  “Belle, Brady, board, broach…” she counted off quickly.

 

“Nope.”  Q shook his head.

 

“Well, I’ll just have to give in then.”  Marlena wouldn’t look at him as she stroked Belle’s head, the child’s eyelids drooping with encroaching sleep.  “You shouldn’t make it so hard.”  It was repressed but still, it sounded like an accusation.

 

“Bettina.”  Q murmered just loud enough for Marlena to hear him.  “I’m here if you want to talk.”

 

“No thank you.”  Marlena’s reply was crisp and unmistakably composed.  “There’s no need Gene.”  She turned to him, her voice softer.  “Thank-you for your concern, but everything is just fine.”

 

“Right.”  Q’s expression became taut.

 

“Could you help me put the children to bed?”  Marlena asked, not noticing Q’s agitation.

 

“I’ll put them to bed.” Q told her.  “You stay here and drink your tea; it must be getting cold by now.”

 

“Alright then.”  Marlena couldn’t argue.  She was too tired.

 

She kissed the children goodnight and then watched as Eugene carried them upstairs in his arms.  He really cared for them; she could see that.  She sighed and sat back on the seat.  She just wished that sometimes he wouldn’t care quite so much.

******

John walked out of the bathroom in nothing but the towel that was wrapped around his waist.  He wiped the excess water from his face and walked to the window.  He could feel the cool air infiltrating the chink around the wooden frames of the windows, but it was almost a relief to his burning skin.  He felt almost feverish, even though he was in perfect health.

 

The city lights glimmered prettily on the ebony water as the breeze swept up small ripples in the inky liquid.  On the surface the world seemed so perfect, but you didn’t have to delve far beneath the superficies to find the decay.  John only wanted to make a safe and happy home for the woman he loved and his children.  Surely that couldn’t be too much to ask.

 

But then, maybe in Salem, it was.

******

Marlena was surprised when she opened her eyes to find Q sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of her.  She hadn’t heard him come back at all.  But then, she thought, she shouldn’t be all that surprised, given his propensity for magic acts.

 

“So then.”  Q’s eyes bored into hers until she had to turn away.

 

“So what?”  She was getting annoyed by his pushiness.

 

“Wanna tell me what’s *really* going on?”

 

“There’s nothing going on.” Marlena answered reasonably.  “You’re over-reacting Gene.  Let’s just move on, shall we?”

 

Q sighed and rested his chin in his hand dejectedly.  Marlena rolled her eyes and then lifted herself from her seat, unable to bear Q’s insistent gaze any longer.  She just wanted to deal with this in her own way.  And she was, she was fine, and she didn’t need his probing.

 

Q watched her make her way to the window.  She always stared out of the window when she had thinking to do.   However, compared to past times, she didn’t seem sad, or even to care what had happened.  Like all those years ago, she was too much together for it to be a real reaction.  She should be crying or ranting and screaming.  But instead, there was nothing.  No real show of emotion.  Her manner was almost antiseptic.  Nothing was happening behind the cool facade.

 

It was, he comprehended with a shock, all too familiar.  There was a very Q-like quality about her demeanor and it was upsetting for him to recognize his own behavior reflected in hers.  He didn’t like it.  He missed the sparkle in her eyes, the passion for life and for her family.  

 

He had, he realized, never experienced that passion.  That enjoyment of life and its surprises that made you want to get up in the morning.  Living in the Continuum was barely more than existing.  Other species and momentous events in their lives were usually little more than diversions.  Immortality was seriously boring.

 

Q looked up at Marlena, the sight of her staring sadly at the lights of the city stirring him to the depths of his soul.   She had lost what he most coveted and he wanted to find a way to give it back to her.  To make her happy again.

 

Part of him wanted to take her away from this place, to love her forever and make her laugh again.  Really laugh, only the way she could.  Not that he believed that could ever happen, you couldn’t make someone love you.  Especially when they loved someone else.  But here she was again, her heart broken, again, and it was hard not to want to take all her pain away.  Passion and immortality.  It was a tempting proposition.

******

John threw himself back onto the bed and picked up the pile of photos off the bedside table. A pad of paper fell from between his fingers, and he picked it up from the bedcover.  It was the latest list of ideas for gifts to send Marlena.  The lack of response so far though, had been disheartening.

 

Still, the best gift of all that he could give her would be to stay true to her until he could put their child into her arms.  He knew now, that if he couldn’t have her, he didn’t want anyone at all.  Leafing through the photos, he pulled out one that made him sigh.  It was a close-up, her hair was pulled back and she was wearing large blue topaz earrings that enhanced the hazel hue of her eyes.  She was laughing at somebody’s joke and John felt irrationally jealous that someone else could and did command that attention from her.  He had been without her for so long, he just wanted to take her away and monopolize her.  For weeks.  Just the two of them.

 

Yawning, he placed the photos back on the wooden surface and pulled the covers over himself.  He had to get some sleep if he was going to get through this nightmare.

******

Clearing his throat, Q pulled himself up from the floor and went over where Marlena stood at the window.  He reached out to touch her shoulder, but withdrew his hand after a moment, confused.

“Why don’t you let me help you, Marlena?  You could tell me what happened tonight?”

There was barely a flicker of a reaction.  She lifted the herbal tea to her lips and took a sip.

“You don’t need to help me, Eugene.  There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I think you’re fooling yourself Marlena; I think you do need to talk about this.  I think you need it a lot.”  Q knew he was applying pressure to her, but sometimes pressure was what was needed in a situation like this.

“Well, that’s not right.  I guess you’re wrong because I don’t need to talk about anything.”

 

She was incredible, Q reflected.  Her voice was even, there were no twitches that gave away her discomfort, she was just totally closed off to everything.  Her pain, his attempts to help.  There was just nothing there.

 

“You mean to tell me that your relationship with John ended tonight, and you have no problem with that?” Q shook his head.  That doesn’t sound like you Marlena.  You *love* that man.  Losing him must hurt you terribly.”

 

“My relationship with John ended months ago.” Marlena stated coldly.  “I did my hurting then.”

 

“And now the pain has stopped?”  Q asked curiously.  “Even though you still love him?”

There was a pause in the conversation and Q could sense Marlena’s inner struggle.  Finally, she seemed to come to a decision. 

 

“Look, there really is no point in rehashing this.”  Marlena turned to him.  “I’m tired, I think I’ll head to bed.”

 

“Are you sure-”

 

“Yes, I’m sure.”  Marlena snapped at him exhaustedly.  

 

She took a final mouthful of her tea and brushed past him, crashing the cup down on the table.  She had made it halfway up the stairs when she was stilled by his voice.

 

“Marlena, if you change your mind,” his voice, she thought, was oddly silken, “you know where to find me.”  Without looking at him, she continued to climb the stairs.  She wouldn’t change her mind.  She didn’t need him.  She didn’t need anyone.

 

Q watched her merge into the darkness of the landing and sighed.  This wasn’t going to be easy.  Quickly, he checked that everything was off and closed and fastened and then he extinguished the lights on the ground floor for the night.  With a troubled heart, he climbed the stairs to his bedroom, stopping only to stare briefly at the halo of light around Marlena’s door.

 

There was nothing he could do now.  With a heavily exhaled breath, he passed Marlena’s bedroom and entered his own.  He closed the door quietly and went to his own window.  He didn’t know how to help her.  A thousand lifetimes hadn’t equipped him in the skills to heal a broken heart.  But he did have to try, and he would start with a visit to John’s to try and work out how this had happened.  

 

Tomorrow. 

Chapter 47 – Stardust

Q was sleeping soundly when the door to his room opened.  She tried very hard to be quiet, but the creaking hinge betrayed her.  Marlena had only intended to check to see if he had been sleeping.  It was the middle of the night and she herself hadn’t been able to sleep.  The emotions that she had tried so hard to leave outside in the cold had finally caught up with her.  In tears and exhausted, she had decided that she would take Gene up on his offer to listen and to help.  Only, she wasn’t going to wake him up to do it.

 

  “Damn!” She thought harshly as she looked at the door.  “Why have I never fixed this?”  “Guess you were too busy mooning after John to take care of the things that needed taking care of,” her mind screamed at her.  The abuse her own mind was dishing out brought on a fresh bout of tears.  She stood in the doorway sobbing.  She knew she couldn’t go through this alone, and as much as she hated to wake him, she had to.  She needed him.  

 

“Gene,” she  aid softly through her tears.   The sound of her voice calling his name woke him immediately and he looked up.  The sight that greeted him twisted his heart in a multitude of directions.  Marlena in her white satin nightgown standing in the doorway.  The hall light illuminating her from behind so she fairly glowed.  The light made her gown semi-transparent, and he could see portions her body in silhouette.  Desire invaded his heart immediately.  She was beautiful and he wanted her.  

 

She looked like an angel.  Only his angel was crying and that evoked the second emotion within him.  It wasn’t desire rather it was desire’s age-old companion: love.  Love with all its components.  Q struggled briefly to gain control of the myriad of feelings that this love brought out in him.  But it was no use.  Human emotions won out and he was done for.  He wanted to comfort and protect her against the forces that were causing her distress.  He wanted to take the pain from her beautiful face and replace it with pure joy.  To wipe the tears that were dripping from her cheeks and replace them with sweet kisses that moved to her lips.  

 

He raged to think that John could do this to Marlena.  *Marlena* the angel of his existence!  Q would offer this goddess the immortality she deserved while John would throw her away like garbage.  It shook him to the core.  He couldn’t believe that the continuum was trying to pawn this clown off as Marlena’s true soul mate.  John was better suited to the likes of Kristen as far as Q could see.  After all trash should keep to its own kind.  The injustice was consuming him, and fury emanated from his every pore.  

 

“Gene,” she repeated a little louder this time.  The plaintive sound in her voice brought him back to reality.  He threw the bedclothes aside and in a moment, he was at her side.  Taking her in his arms and offering her the comfort of a friend’s embrace, when he really wanted to sweep her up in the arms of a lover.  His arms.  

 

The first thing Q noticed when he swept her up beside him, was that she smelled and felt wonderful.  His senses were so caught up in her that it took him a moment to notice how badly she was shaking.  The sobs were wracking her body, so he held her closer.  He knew that while he wanted to comfort her with all his heart, it was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever have to do.   That was because it wasn’t all he wanted to do.  

 

He quickly ushered her to the bed and sat down there with her.  She snuggled up against him and he held her without comment.  He was going to wait for her, but for now all she seemed capable of doing was crying.  He began to rock her gently back and forth, simply waiting for her to calm down and talk to him. 

 

“Shhhh, my sweet.  Shhhh.”   It was odd that he had no use for most mortals.  And if the truth be known that was because he couldn’t relate to them anymore and because mostly, they annoyed him.  The *humanness* of them was what annoyed him most.   Humans were so emotional and truly they were a lot of work.  But somehow this woman was different.  Her *human* problems were only bothersome because he couldn’t make them go away.  No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t seem to lessen her troubles.  He actually suspected that he had made them worse.  

******

John twitched irritably in his sleep. It was a moment before he could open his eyes to find the source of the annoyance.  The door to the bedroom was open and a cool draught blew steadily across the floor and over his bare skin.  The blanket lay where he had kicked it, in an askew mound at the end of the bed.  

 

He wondered groggily if he had closed the door before he had fallen into bed, but the thought had barely entered his mind before he registered that there was light coming from the landing behind the door.  His eyes squinted as he tried to focus on the shaft of light that radiated from the opening of the doorway.  He was positive he hadn’t left the light on when he had eventually gone to bed.  He knew he hadn’t.

 

It was then that he saw the feet.  They delicately stepped into the doorway and then stopped. John’s eyes travelled upward.  The light glowed through the gossamer fabric of a creamy white negligee, creating a silhouette around a perfect female form.  John’s eyes continued their upward journey, noting the soft swell of the hips and the outline of breasts, hidden behind chiffon and lace.

 

She moved to lean against the doorway as he found her face with his hungry eyes.  Her eyes were shining and the light in her golden hair created a halo so that she looked just like an angel.  She smiled mysteriously at him as he sat up, his mind finally registering that she was actually here, and what that meant.

 

“Doc?” It was the only syllable he could utter as his heart began to beat so hard, he felt as though it was about to jump through the wall of his chest.

“Shhhh…..” she brought her index finger to her red lips and began to move towards him.  She was he thought, so graceful that she looked as if she were gliding.

 

She stopped at the end of the bed, and he sighed.  She was so beautiful; she filled his heart with love and wonder.  He rose from the bed slowly and moved so that he was within reaching distance of her.  He reached out with his right hand, and, still unable to believe that she was real, he touched her cheek with the tips of his fingers.  She gasped at his touch, and he pulled his hand back involuntarily as he felt the warm skin beneath this fingers.

 

“Oh Doc, it *is* you.”  He moved in so that he was right in front of her, and he searched her face with his eyes.  “You really are here.”

 

Marlena nodded, a large tear spilling from her eye and down her cheek.

 

“John, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t understand….”

 

“Shhh.”  He wiped her tear away with the pad of his thumb and kissed the trace of moisture that was left.  “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.  You’re here now.  That’s all that matters to me.”

******

Q kissed the top of her head and continued to rock her.  

 

“Thank you,” she sniffed.  He chuckled.  

 

“What are you thanking me for? I haven’t done anything.”  She looked up at him with complete surprise written all over her face.  

 

“Haven’t done anything? How can you say that?”  Suddenly Q couldn’t respond.  He could only look into her tear-filled eyes and he couldn’t speak.  He, Q! Could not speak.  Q was sunk and he knew it.  

 

He swallowed hard when Marlena smiled up at him, only making his current situation worse.  

 

“See,” she sniffed again.  “You can’t! You’ve been there for me every minute and you know it.”  Marlena tightened her grasp on him, and Q gave an involuntary groan.  Marlena didn’t seem to notice as she teetered on the verge of tears once more.  “You’ve always been there for me.  Always.  I could always count on you.”

 

He shook his head.  

 

“No, I think you have this all wrong Marlena.   You were there for me in the beginning.  SO there for me that I still need to make it up to you.”  Q said as he nuzzled her hair.  He moved his nose slowly through her tresses as he held her.  He drew comfort from her, even as he comforted her.   

 

“Oh Gene, that was ages ago.  I was a different person.  And I’ve made such a mess of things since then.”  Q tightened his grip on her and shushed her once more.  

 

“Oh stop.  That’s not true and you know it.”  “It is.”  Marlena protested.  “My life is a shambles and I don’t know how that happened.  I try to be a good person, but somehow it always comes back on me.  I try so hard, but I always fail.  Always.   All through my life there have been different people coming and going.  I’m the only constant.  I think it’s time to face facts Gene.  I have to accept that it’s me.  It has to be me.”  She began to well up and her voice became thick with emotion.  

 

“I won’t hear that, Marlena.  You’re talking about someone I happen to care a lot about.  I won’t have you badmouthing her.  I just won’t stand for it.”   

 

That’s when Marlena began to cry again.  Softly at first, but as Gene spoke her tears became louder and more intense.  

 

“Oh Gene.  I thank you for trying my good friend, but it’s no use.  It’s just no use.”  There was a tone to her voice that Q had never heard before and it frightened him.  It was a finality that hurt him to hear.  He held her as she sobbed and he tried to figure out what to do that could take that hideous tone from her voice.  Not just from her voice, but from her entire demeanor.  She seemed so…  so broken.  

 

“Look Marlena…”  

 

“No,” she interrupted.  “Please don’t say anymore.”  Her tears broke off her last word.  Instinctually Q drew her closer to him, even though there really was not much space between them.  

 

“So, what do you want me to do? Tell me? I want to do something, but I don’t what.  I need you to tell me how I can help you.”  Marlena held him tighter in return to his question.  

 

“I don’t know what you can do.”  Then after a very long very silent pause, she spoke.  “Just be there for me I guess,” she said so softly he could barely hear her.  He smiled an ironic and private smile.  There was no question about that in his mind.  

 

“Always,” He murmured.  “Always.”  

 

Time passed as Marlena cried and Q held her.  He couldn’t find the words that could get her to stop.  Finally, he figured that he should just allow her her cry.  Maybe one good have at it, and she’d feel better.  And he certainly wasn’t complaining about getting to hold her all this time.  He whispered his love for her over and over.  He murmured his admiration of her.  And he was sure that she hadn’t heard a word.  He felt better for having said all the things that had been bottled up inside him for centuries, even if they had fallen on deaf ears.  

 

It was even comforting to know she hadn’t heard him.  That way he didn’t have to deal with the rejection he knew was coming.  As he thought his thoughts, he was stunned to hear her say, “Your devotion is misplaced Eugene.  Totally and utterly misplaced.  I’m not worth it.”  Q could stand no more.  He held her at arm’s length and shook her.  

 

“Stop it! Stop it now Marlena.  Don’t you know what it does to me to hear you say these things? It hurts me.  And it should hurt you too.  You are not the one that created this mess.  That was John.  He did it.  Not you.   So, stop taking it out on yourself.   You want to feel something about this whole thing? Feel rage.  Feel anger, but don’t take it out on yourself anymore.  He’s not worth it.   Q’s outburst stunned Marlena.  Tears were still falling, but she was wide eyed, and the sobbing had stopped.   

 

“That’s the problem Gene,” she said quietly.  He gave her a puzzled look.  

 

“What?”  She stared at him.  

 

“I can’t feel anymore.  I don’t feel anything now.”  She lowered her head and shook it brutally.  “No, that’s not exactly true.”  She looked up and her eyes met his.  “I do feel cold inside.  Dead inside.  I feel like there will never be any light or pleasure ever again.”  Q knew from the lifeless eyes gazing back at him, that this statement was no exaggeration.  

 

What scared Q most was that it was like looking into the eyes of another Q.  Of anyone in the continuum, who had given up living for immortality.  He couldn’t stand that, and his mind raced to find anything that would make her understand what a wonderful person she was.  Suddenly, even before he was aware he was doing it, he began to gush forth with the entire laundry list of why he loved her.  

 

Q became like a “man” possessed.  Telling her over and over how he loved her.  How he had always loved her.  

 

“Marlena, I wish I could make you understand what you’ve meant to me.  How I’ve cherished knowing you.  How you were the hardest part of giving up Eugene.  I wish I could make you feel how much I love you.  It’s like a sickness it’s so relentless.  It’s something I couldn’t get over even if I wanted to and believe me I don’t want to.”  

 

Marlena cried throughout Q’s diatribe, but that didn’t deter him.  He continued on with his worship.  It had taken him centuries to get up the courage to do this and he wasn’t about to quit now.  

 

“Your face has followed me through time Marlena.  I can’t get away from you.  I see you everywhere, in every galaxy, in every constellation.  I love you.  I’ve always loved you.”  He paused for a moment and then shook his head.  “I just love you…”  he trailed off.   They looked at each other for a moment and soon it was too much for Q.  He had to touch her.  He needed to feel her against him.

 

In his fervor Q pulled Marlena to him and began to kiss her.  He put his hand to the back of her head and held her steady against his lips.  He had been dreaming of this for so long, that he felt as if this were unreal, and he was almost unaware that he was really doing it.  That was until he felt her responding to him.  Until he felt her lips moving against his, and there was this incredible heat coming from the two of them, that he knew it was real.  The heat coursed through him, and he knew that she felt it too.  She was returning the kiss with equal enthusiasm, and she was running her hands through his hair.  And when he deepened the kiss, she made no move to stop him.  

******

John framed her face with his hands and pulled her to him until her sweet, warm lips met his.  He brushed them, feeling the heat spill through him as she moaned.  He threaded his fingers through her warm fragrant locks and swooped past her lips again, teasing her as he hovered above them, so close that she could feel his warm, moist breath mingling with hers.

 

Finally, he ended the delightful torture and kissed her deeply so that he felt a shudder of desire ripple through her body.  Her tongue danced out to meet his as he pulled her to him, his hand flowing down the silky fabric of her nightgown and over her behind.  Marlena could feel the heat of his body through the satin and she kissed him fervently.  Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his neck, grinding herself against him until he was almost crazy with lust.

 

But still, after all that had passed between them, he had to be sure that they were doing the right thing.  That she was ready for this.  He broke off the kiss and moved away from her slightly.

“Is this what you want Marlena?” he whispered.  “Are you sure you want to be here right now.  With me.”

 

“I want you, John.”  It was barely more than a breath.  “We’ve wasted too much time baby.”

******

The kiss continued for what seemed like an eternity to Q.  A sweet eternity, much better than the one he was used to.  A small moan escaped Marlena and Q knew she was enjoying the connection as much as he.  So, he was surprised to feel her pulling away from him.  

 

They were both panting as Marlena rested her forehead against his chin.  Q thought that he had made the cosmic blunder of all time as Marlena simply remained silent, giving him no hint of what she was feeling.  He wondered vaguely how long it was going to take for her to recover from his selfish mistake.  How long it would be before she would trust him again.  He was filled with doubt and longing instantly.  

 

Slowly, slowly Marlena reached out and traced his lips with the tip of her index finger.  She pulled back and watched her finger move over his mouth and in turn he watched her.  She looked up, catching him as he gazed at her.  There was something different in her eyes now. 

 

“Make me warm Gene,” she breathed.  “Make me warm.”  She moved back in against him and in the moment that her lips met his, Q realized that it had been desire he had seen lingering in her eyes.  And in that moment of sudden insight, all doubts left his mind.  He knew that what was going to happen was what they both wanted and what they both needed.    

 

Marlena moved into his lap until she was straddling him, as the kiss continued.  She ran her fingers through the sides of his hair until they came together at the back of his head.  Then she tugged his hair gently, pulling his head back and intensifying the kiss.  Her tongue playfully entered his mouth and found his waiting.  Q ran his hands down her shoulders and over her back until they found their way to her rear.  Instinctively, he gave her a squeeze and pulled her closer.  A move that surprised Marlena.  

 

She broke the kiss and began to giggle.  

 

“It’s been a while, since I’ve done this.  Forgive me if I’m not doing it right,” he said in embarrassment.  This only served to increase Marlena’s giggling.  

 

“You are doing fine,” she almost purred.  “That just kind of surprised me.  Not that I didn’t like it mind you…”  This time they giggled together.   As they were still chuckling, Q began to kiss Marlena.  He began with her nose, then moved along her cheek to her chin, which he gave a small nip with his teeth.  He moved his lips slowly along Marlena’s jaw line, which was no longer moving with laughter.  Things had become entirely too serious.  

******

A finger trailed town his torso, stopping briefly to trace the outline of the muscled abdomen.  The feeling of her fingernail grazing his flesh sent John crazy and he had trouble controlling himself.

 

“Doc, baby.  It’s been a long time.  We’ve been through a lot.  Are you sure you wouldn’t just rather sit down and talk?”

 

“What is there to talk about?”  Marlena’s fingernail met with the waistband of his black silk boxer shorts.  She looked up at him from under her eyelids and bit her bottom lip innocently.  “Why, don’t you want me baby?”

 

“Oh Doc!”  The exclamation exploded from John’s lips.  “Of *course* I do.  You know I do.  I just don’t want to make any mistakes this time honey.”

 

“Then don’t.”  Marlena demanded.  “Just take me to bed.”

 

She his hands in hers and slowly pulled him round so that he was facing her, and the bed was behind her.  Then gently she leaned back.  John took her lead and lowered her to the bed, following her down to the cool cotton sheets.  He sat next to her and gazed at her face, beautiful, even hidden in the shadows cast by the half-light.  Reaching out, he caressed her face, exploring it with his fingertips.  Smiling shyly, she nestled her cheek into his cupped palm as, with an expression of complete devotion, he drank every detail of her in.  

 

“Oh Marlena. Oh, lady I am so sorry I’ve hurt you.  I was such a fool; I couldn’t see what was in front of my own eyes.”  He looked down miserably at the thought of all the pain he had seen in her eyes in the last few years.  And all the pain that he hadn’t even recognized at the time.  “I’ll never forgive myself for what I put you through.”

 

“Shhhh.”  It was Marlena’s turn to end the apology and she did it in the best way she knew.  “No more words.”  She brought her finger to his lips and then began to trace their familiar outline.  He was mesmerized by the look in her eyes as she whispered to him, “make love to me John.”

 

She leaned forward until her lips were millimeters from his and he could feel the vibration of the air against his sensitive skin as she spoke. “Please make love to me.”  Unable to resist the invitation, he pressed his lips against hers and drew her closer.  Wriggling, Marlena shimmied herself into a position where she was straddling his lap and she pressed herself up against him so that he could hardly breath.  He could feel her nipples through the gauzy material of the negligee and he wanted her more than ever.

******

Q continued upward and then began sucking on her earlobe.  In response, Marlena began to run her hands over his back while wrapping her legs around his waist.  Her soft moans turned to a sharp cry as Q’s tongue entered her ear and he began to circle it around in a sensuous little loop.  Finally, Marlena couldn’t take having to touch him through the material of the tee shirt he wore.  She grabbed at it, and quickly had it torn and then off him.  Just as quickly Q had her back in his arms and had his mouth on her neck, licking, biting and sucking gently on the soft skin there.  

 

His mouth felt so wonderful on her that reflexively she lifted herself a little and pressed her neck against it.  Marlena laid her face against Q’s shoulder and began to softly bite him there.  Soon he began to work his way over to the hollow of her throat, pushing her away from his shoulder.  Which was a good thing, as he felt that he couldn’t possibly withstand the feeling of her teeth on his skin much longer.  He wanted only to give to her, as he’d imagined doing over and over.  The thought of her giving to him, was almost unbearable, as he knew that if it were to happen that way, he wouldn’t be able to keep his excitement in check and it would end far too soon.  And his pleasure wasn’t the point.  Hers was.  And he wouldn’t have it ruined on behalf of his own wants.

 

 She resisted moving away from his shoulder a little until Q said, “Come here my angel.”  To which she gasped faintly, but she relented and let his mouth continue to work it’s magic.  Q lingered at the hollow, sending shivers through her.  She rested her cheek against the top of his head as he began to move down to the swell of her breasts.  He ran his tongue along the line of her gown slowly back and forth, back and forth until he reached her cleavage.  He went lower still until his nose was burrowed in the dip of her nightgown.  He tried desperately to move lower, but the satiny material wouldn’t give anymore.  Marlena took his hand and placed it on the strap of her gown.  He looked up at her and they shared a smile.  He placed a long, sweet kiss on her mouth before turning his attention to the task at hand.  Removing her negligee.   

 

He dropped the strap off her shoulder replacing it with his kisses.  He pulled her arm out from the strap, then moved to repeat the process on the other arm.  Marlena’s skin was on fire from the feeling of his sweet soft lips.  She shimmied out of the gown until the bodice was pooled around her hips.  She needed to feel his hot, moist mouth on her breasts, on her body.  Anywhere on her body.  Everywhere on her body.  

******

Marlena’s arm found its way around John’s neck and the back of her hand pressed against the soft warm skin that had been revealed by his recent haircut.  His tongue collided with hers in their passionate embrace and he could feel her breaths quickening as she became aroused.  Her hand dug deeper into his hair, pushing him and deepening their kiss.  The other danced over his back, exploring the contours of the hardened muscles.

 

John’s hand wandered down to her exquisite rear again and he gave it a playful squeeze.  Marlena broke off the kiss to giggle against his mouth.  John laughed with her.  He knew what she liked.  He knew what she loved too.  

 

Moving his mouth, he trailed his lips across her cheekbone, leaving a path of hot moisture behind.  Sliding it down, he found her earlobe and began to suck on it gently, his tongue playing games with it.  Marlena moaned with pleasure against his shoulder, gently digging her teeth into his soft flesh.  John groaned in return and gently pushed her away.  This was to be her night.

 

With a raised eyebrow he spoke wordlessly to her of what he wanted to do.  She in return understood and let him explore the curves and hollows of her chin and neck, sighing and moaning as he gave attention to the spots that he knew drove her wild.  The sounds of her pleasure made him want to give her more and he kissed, his way up her neck and across her jaw, occasionally stopping to gently bite or suck her sweet flesh.  Finally, he began to ravish her lips again, kissing her furiously, crushing her lips so that they would bruise.  Marlena noticed nothing but her desire for him and the evidence of his desire for her.

 

Not breaking the kiss, John searched for the hem of the gown and then slipped his hands underneath.  He ran his fingers along Marlena’s legs, up over her thighs till he found her buttocks.  Marlena groaned against his mouth, and he pulled at the flimsy material slightly, freeing it from under her.  Skimming his hands up her body, he took the nightgown with them until it was gathered in a cool puddle of fabric beneath her arms.

 

He kissed his way to her ear and Marlena could feel his hot, moist breath as he whispered for her to raise her arms.  She obeyed, and he scooped the negligee up and over her head, leaving her naked and vulnerable in front of him.  John’s breath caught at the sight of her.  Somehow, he always seemed to forget just how incredible she looked when she was like this.  Aroused and fairly glowing, just for him.

******

Her desire was rewarded when he took first one then the other nipple into his mouth.  Marlena threw her head back and delighted in the feeling of Q’s mouth ravaging her breasts.   

“I want you Gene,” she breathed.  “I want you now.  Please.”  

 

The wish of this woman was his command, so he quickly flipped her over onto her back much to her surprise.  

 

“You look shocked my sweet,” tapping her nose as he teased her.  “Isn’t this what you wanted?”  A sly smile came to Marlena’s face.  

 

“Yes,” she said huskily.  

“If it’s not, I can stop you know.”  Marlena reached between them taking his hardness into her hand through the boxers he still wore.  

 

“No I don’t think you could,” she said.  “I think *I* have *you* right where I want you,” she teased in return.  He groaned as she gave him a little squeeze.  

 

“Mmmm hmmm,” he agreed.  

 

Marlena began to remove the shorts as he bent back down to her heaving chest.  Q himself sent the garment flying across the room with a kick as he trailed his kisses between Marlena’s breasts and down over her stomach.  He met up with the negligee that was still around her hips.  

 

“Not YOU again,” he said as he fingered the material.  “You must have purchased this little number in the pesky section,” he quipped as he removed the gown and sent it flying across the room to join his nightclothes.  

 

Marlena laughed until Q’s mouth found its way between her thighs and his mouth began to feast on the soft flesh he found there.  She gasped as his lips murmured against the moist warmth of her.   She moved her hands to Q’s head in an attempt to hold it steady as he took her with his lips and tongue.  On their own, Marlena’s hips rose up to meet Q’s searching mouth.  Her fingers tangled in his hair, and her body quivered as he dedicated himself to her pleasure.  Every movement invited him to continue.  Every moan begged him not to stop.  Her cries of passion were beautiful to him and each one made him want to give her another.  

 

Finally, when Q couldn’t take it anymore, he broke away and trailed his lips back up Marlena’s body until their lips met.  Her arms went around him, and she kneaded the muscles of his back and shoulders with her fingertips.  

 

“I love you,” he said against her mouth.  

 

“I want you,” was her only response.  It was good enough for him.  Anything else could come later.  

******

John was a little surprised as she caught his lips with her again, he wasn’t expecting her to take the lead, and in a way, he didn’t want her to.  He wanted to give her pleasure.  He wanted to make her so glad that she had come back to him, that she had finally forgiven him for what he had done.  So, he pushed her away from him slightly and began to trail soft kisses down her neck and over her shoulder, burning a fiery path down the warm skin of her chest. 

 

Marlena breathed in sharply as he reached her cleavage, diving his tongue in between the crevice of her breasts and then whimpered as his mouth found its way across to her nipple.  He began to suck softly at her, and she threw her head back as her back arched almost of its own accord.  He listened to her breathing as it became labored and he could feel the moistness of her as she wriggled against his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist.

 

He began to tease her as he took small nips at her breasts and nipples, barely enough for her to feel, but enough to drive her crazy and she began to moan his name as she kneaded her fingernails into his shoulders.  She began to move against him, and he could feel her through the skimpy fabric of his boxers.  The sensations were driving him wild, and he couldn’t keep his mouth from her sweet, hot flesh.

 

Marlena pulled away from him suddenly, as the response of her body to his movements became too much for her.

 

“Oh baby.” Her face was flushed from the exertion and the lust, and her voice was drowsy with longing.  “I want you, John.”  She ran her fingers through his hair.  “I want you now.  Please.”

 

Almost immediately, John pushed her back onto the bed and unentangled her limbs from his torso.

“Anything my love,” he whispered.  “Anything and everything.”

 

He leaned over her, exploring her face with his eyes, drinking in her radiance.  Marlena cupped his cheek in her hand and then let her hand wander down his neck and across his chest.  She continued her downward pilgrimage until she met with the smoothness of his boxer shorts.

 

“I think you’re overdressed,” she commented huskily as her hand continued down.  John swallowed heavily and nodded, trying to control himself as Marlena reached down with her other hand and pulled the shorts down.  She chuckled quietly as John frantically tried to rid himself of the boxers which had tangled themselves around his ankles.  Finally he did, the quiet laugh bubbling in her throat making him desperately want to kiss her again, so he reached up to find her lips with his.  

 

The kiss was sweet and long.  She tasted like honey mead to him, luscious and intoxicating.  Marlena squirmed under him as he began to move down her body, covering her in long, slow strokes of his fingers, followed by light, feathery kisses.  Finally, he made it to his goal.  

 

She was panting as he took her with his tongue, savoring the heated feel of her between his lips.  

“Oh!” She couldn’t find words as he plumbed the moist, sweet depths of her, searching for her pleasure with every movement.  She repeated the exclamation as her hands searched out his head, tangling in his hair with unconscious abandon, bringing him closer to her.  

 

He found a rhythm to his movements, one that obviously pleased Marlena as she began to rock her hips in time with him.  Every sigh, every moan heightened John’s delight in what he was doing to her.

 

Finally, it became a little much for him, and he moved away from her.

“Oh John.”  She sounded a little disappointed.  She was a little disappointed.  That had just been exquisite, and John had stopped at entirely the wrong time.  She felt momentarily frustrated until she realized his intentions as he kissed his way back up her body.

 

“Patience sweetheart,” he murmured against her mouth.

“I’m tired of being patient,” she whispered back sensually.  “I want to feel you.  Now.”  John leant to take her lips with his own once again, as he covered her body with his.  Softly, he nibbled at her lower lip and slid his arm under her, just beneath her shoulders.  Pulling her to him and deepening the kiss, he found his way between her thighs.  

******

When Q entered her, Marlena’s back arched, as she turned her head and closed her eyes.  A small whimper escaped her lips before he caught them up again with his own.  She began to moan as he drove into her.  Her hips moved against his in a luscious dance of joy, friendship and love.  It was only then that it occurred to him to use his Q powers to delight her.  But he pushed the thought aside, when he opened his eyes and watched her in her passion.  She looked beautiful and he realized he didn’t need those powers to make her happy.   

 

He continued to watch her.  Watching the effect his every movement had on her.  What it did to her if he moved his hips a certain way.  How her head turned from side to side and how her mouth formed a cute little half smile.  She didn’t seem to be aware that he was watching her, she was so wrapped up in what he was doing to her.  

“Gene, oh Gene,” drifted from her lips and it was something about the way she made his name sound like music that made him want to kiss her lips.  

 

He bent to her, and his kiss was so sweet and tender that it told every secret of how he felt for her, and Marlena could feel it.  His lips silently spoke his love, devotion, admiration, and utter lust for her.  And somehow, she understood.  In response Marlena ran her fingers through his soft hair then down his neck and over his back.  She began to gently rake her fingernails against his sides as she let herself sink deeper into the kiss and they continued their unspoken understanding of one another.  Marlena’s fingers trailed down past his hips and onto his backside.  

 

This time it was Q’s turn to be surprised as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pressed her hips upwards, and pulled him further inside her.  She began to climax almost immediately, and Q, who was now kissing her breasts, began to thrust more urgently into her, in an attempt to give her even more pleasure.  She moved wildly beneath him as she called out his name again and again.  And every time she did, he reacted to it like he would a drug.  Needing more.  Wanting more.  

******

Marlena’s eyes flew open, and she gasped involuntarily as John entered her.  She had almost forgotten how exquisite he felt, how he knew her body so well.  Her hands slid down his back as he kissed her again, wanting to possess every inch of her.  Her head fell back as he took her throat, tasting the flesh with his lips and tongue, smelling her sweet muskiness, experiencing her with all his senses.

 

He began to make small movements, barely perceptible, but Marlena could feel him within her, and she sighed at the heavenly feeling.  “Oh John.”   Her fingers tore lightly at his skin, urging the sensation to continue.  John expanded his movements, rocking back and forward against her.  He watched her as she succumbed to the feeling, her eyes closed, her skin flushed a light shade of pink.  Her lips were slightly parted, and he could see that she was mouthing his name between shallow breaths.

 

He increased his tempo again and changed position slightly so that he was driving deeper into her with each thrust.  He felt Marlena’s nails digging into the skin of his shoulders in response and he leaned forward to surprise her with a sweet and gentle kiss, his tongue searching for hers, telling her of his love and devotion with its gentle, intimate exploration.  Marlena reached up into the kiss, intensifying the passion that they both felt, pulling her body closer to his as they moved together.

 

One hand found its way into his hair again.  She loved the feeling of his hair, even though she wasn’t too hot on the short haircut he had procured from the hairdressers the previous week.  She made a mental note to have a word to him about it later as she slid the other hand over the slickness of his back.  The first hand joined it as she progressed downwards, running her palms over his behind and pulling him even closer to her.  

 

John groaned as he felt her legs lift and wrap around his buttocks, her thighs applying exquisite pressure to his undulating hips.  They were both damp with perspiration as John moved deeper into Marlena, his skin slipping easily over hers as they moved together.  He felt the beginnings of her climax as her muscles began to tense under him.  She began to call his name as he thrust into her, trying to give her all the pleasure he could.  His extra effort paid off as Marlena shrieked with the waves of an intense orgasm, oblivious to the smile that John wore on his face as he watched her in her bliss.  She looked gorgeous moving beneath him, her hair mussed and her lips a brilliant scarlet red.  She was a goddess.  She was *his* goddess.

******

Finally, when her body became still, Marlena opened her eyes and looked up at him.  He smiled at her as he brushed the bangs off her damp forehead.  She traced the line of his jaw with her finger tip.  

 

“Gene,” she breathed.  They continued to gaze at one another until she became aware of something.  He had completely stopped making love to her.  And from the feel of it, he wasn’t completely ready to.  

 

“What about you?”  She asked somewhat stunned.  

 

“What about me what, my sweet?”  

 

“Aren’t you going to… umm… finish”? He looked at her quizzically.  

 

“Finish?”  Marlena laughed.  

 

“It *has* been a long time since you’ve done this hasn’t it?”  He only looked at her.  

 

“Aren’t you satisfied? Didn’t I just make you happy?”  He really didn’t understand.  Marlena felt terrible for embarrassing him, and quickly said, “Yes, of course you did.  It was wonderful.”  

 

“I gave you pleasure,” he said simply.  She reached up and laid her palm against his cheek.  

 

“Oh yes you did,” she replied.  

 

“Then I’m finished.”  He began to withdraw from her, but Marlena wouldn’t have any of that.  

 

“Oh no you’re not,” she said huskily.  

 

With that she rolled over until he was on his back beneath her, and she sat astride him.  He reached up for her, as if to try to get off him.  

 

“Marlena, no.  I…” 

 

“You nothing,” Marlena interrupted.  

 

She in turn reached out and laced her fingers through his.  She held his hands steady as she began to rise and fall against him.  He struggled momentarily to free his hands from hers.  

 

“No, you don’t.  If you really want to give me pleasure, then you’ll let me make love to you.”  She increased the tempo of her movements and pressed her thighs a little tighter against him.  

 

“Marlena….”  It was more of a groan than a protest at this point.  She began to feel his hands relax in hers as well as hips moving in time with hers.  The pace becoming more and more frantic and this time it was Q who cried out Marlena’s name.  

 

She bent to his mouth and took it with her own.  

 

“Let me hear you baby,” she said against his mouth.  “Let me hear what I’m doing to you.”  She put her ear against his mouth, and he began to groan against it.  They continued on that way until they reached a mutual satisfaction this time.  Marlena steadied herself with Q’s hands, which she still held in her own as she sat upright.  She threw her head back and listened to the sound of Q’s climax as she enjoyed her own.   

******

Finally, she quieted down, her body stilling under John’s, and opened her eyes to look at him.

“Oh baby,” she breathed.  John merely smiled and leaned down to kiss her again.  Marlena’s eyes opened a little wider as she realized that he was still moving, although it was almost indiscernible.  “John?” she pushed him away a little.  He said nothing but raised an eyebrow and leaned in to kiss her again.  “Oh no you don’t!”  She grinned at his surprised expression as she rolled him onto his back and sat up.

 

“Oh Doc.”  It was a low and guttural comment as Marlena began to move against him, slow at first, and then with a little more intention.  It was her turn to listen to his breathing become hoarse as he succumbed to her ministrations.  Reaching down, she wove the fingers of her left hand gently between the fingers of his.  He responded by pulling her hand up and kissing it as he watched her sway gracefully before him.  The sight of her always increased his desire and this time was no exception.  

 

He began to moan as she worked up the pace.  His hips ground against hers and she leaned over to him.

 

“Tell me baby,” she whispered against his ear, driving him wild, “tell me how much you want me.”

 

“Ohhhh Marlena,” John groaned with complete abandon.  “Oh baby, that feels so good.”  He began to moan for her, knowing how much she loved to hear his pleasure.  Marlena’s whimpers mingled with his as they worked up to a shared peak.

 

Marlena moved upright again as she felt the beginnings of John’s orgasm.  The sound of his cries brought her to her second climax of the evening, and they moved together, enjoying their mutual passion until they were both expended.

******

When it was over Marlena relaxed against his chest.  Q tucked one arm around her and turned so that she was lying next to him cradled against his chest.  Their fingers of his other hand were still intertwined with hers.  She kissed his chest, through a fine layer of perspiration.  

 

“Thank you,” he said finally.  

 

“For what,” she returned quietly.  

 

“For making me remember what it was like to be Gene.”  She smiled as she rubbed her hand over his chest.  

 

“We never did this before,” she said with a small chuckle.  He kissed the top of her head.  

 

“Oh, I know that.  It’s just that I used to dream that we did.  All the time.  That’s what I remember about being Gene.  Wanting you, but only having you in my dreams.  And you know something?”  She looked at him and he at her. 

 

 “What?”  She asked quietly.  She was in awe of the strength of his feelings for her, and that she had somehow managed to miss full power of them in the past.   

 

“Even in my dreams, it wasn’t this good.”  

 

They began to laugh together.  Q lifted her hand and kissed it.  

 

“Oh Gene, I am so…” She trailed off.  

 

“You are so what?”  

 

“I’m sorry.  I mean I always knew that you had a crush on me, but I never realized that it was so…” 

 

“Real,” he continued for her. 

“Mmm hmm,” she agreed.  

 

“It was,” he said.  “It still is.”  

 

They lay together in silence.  Marlena rubbing her nose against his chest and Q toying with the fingers on the hand he held.  

 

“Marlena, do you think…” he cut off dreading the answer.  Fearing he knew it before he asked.  She waited for him to continue, certain that he would.  Finally, he got the courage.  “Do you think you would be willing to give me a chance? Us a chance, I should say.  I don’t mean what just happened.  I mean a real chance.  A chance to be happy and to be together.  I know you’ve just ended things with John for good, and I know that it will take time to get past that, but I can help.  I want to help.  I love you; I’ve always loved you.  I always will.”  

******

Marlena moved down to the bed until she was cradled in John’s arms.  He kissed her forehead as she feathered her fingers through the thick dark hair on his chest.

 

“Oh Marlena,” he sighed, “I was beginning to wonder if we would ever be like this again.”  He brushed a few damp strands of hair from her forehead.  “You’ve no idea how much I missed you.”

 

“I think maybe I do.”  Marlena giggled.  “It’s not exactly like I’ve had a lot else occupy my mind.  I’ve missed you too John.”

 

“I know that there were reasons that you felt that you had to break us off….”  John paused, not quite knowing if this would come out the right way.  But, he reasoned, he had to know how she really felt.  “I know that you had very good reasons Marlena.  I treated you and the children terribly and I am so sorry for that.  But I can’t undo it.  I can only try and make what was wrong, right.”  He gazed into her luminous eyes.  “I hope you know that I am totally sincere.  I will never hurt you again.  I’ll never break your heart.  Without you my life doesn’t mean a whole lot..”  He began to cry, knowing that they hurting he had done in the last few months in no way made up for the pain she had suffered since Belle had been born.

 

“Oh, you silly.”  There was a sad smile on Marlena’s face as she lifted her fingers to sweep away his tears.  “I love you so much.  And I know you love me.  What happened before, that’s in the past.  It’s time to move on.  If you’ll have me, I’d like for us to do that together.”

 

John grinned and closed his eyes as he nuzzled the warmth of her cheek.  This really was a new and glorious beginning for both of them.  Suddenly, he felt the salty warmth of tears against his skin, and he knew that this time, they weren’t his.  He opened his eyes to tell her that it was going to be alright, that they would make it together this time, but his body stiffened when she wasn’t there.  His eyes frantically searched the room for any sign of her, but it was as though she had totally disappeared.  As if she had never existed.

******

He knew he was blathering on, but he couldn’t help himself.  This was too important.  Her answer was everything.  His heart was beating so hard that she could feel it as she lay her head against his chest.  She knew how important this was to him and could only be honest with him.  

 

“Gene,” she began carefully.  “You obviously know about John.  You know how the entire thing went and you know that it’s over.  I mean over for all time.”  He could hear the pain in her voice, but she continued without tears.  “It’s going to take time to heal from that.  I don’t know how long, but if you are willing to be patient then, yes, I’d like to try us together.  I think it could work too; it’s just going to take some time.”  

 

As madly as his heart was beating before her answer, that’s how much more it began to beat afterwards.  She smiled.  “If you love me anywhere near as much as your heart is telling me you do, then I think I am doing the right thing.  I think this is right for both of us.  We already love each other.  We’re already the best of friends.”  

 

“And the sex was wonderful,” he blurted out.  She laughed.  

 

“Oh yeah, there’s that too.”  

 

They giggled together, but then he held her a little tighter and, in all seriousness, said, “I know it’s going to take time.  But I will be here for you always.  I’ll never break your heart.”  She lifted her head and he kissed her.  

 

“Make love to me again,” she whispered to him.  I want to feel you against me.”  He kissed her and moved to roll her onto her back when she said, “Make love to me, John.”

******

John’s eyes flew open almost at the same moment that he sat upright in bed.  She had never been there.  It had been nothing but a dream, although his body was telling him that the sensations had been all too real.  He swallowed and willed his heart to stop pounding so painfully.  The clock beside his bed told him that it was 3:26 a.m.  She would be asleep right now he thought.  He wondered if she dreamed of him, the way he did of her.  This wasn’t the first time that she had wakened him, but it had been the most intense and definitely the most real.

 

He lay back down in bed willing sleep to come again, but it was all too elusive and like too many times before, he could not keep his mind off Marlena.  He threw back the covers and swung his legs out of bed.  

 

He had to see her.

******

Q woke up with a start.  His heart was beating as it had been in his dream, but he felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water on him.  He looked around the room and was a little surprised to find Marlena wasn’t there with him.  He rubbed his temples while he remembered the steamy nature of his dream.  This situation was getting impossible.  Now his desire for her was starting to invade his dreams and he couldn’t stand it.  He lay there wondering what to do about the entire mess for quite some time. 

He had almost drifted back to sleep when he heard the door to Marlena’s bedroom open and her footsteps on the stairs.  Q looked over at the bedside clock.  3:29 a.m.  What was she doing up? She didn’t stay downstairs long, so as he listened to her feet coming back up the stairs, he supposed she had gone down to the kitchen for something to drink.  Only… was that crying he heard? He could have sworn that he could hear the faint sounds of sobbing.  

 

He heard her door open then close again and tried to ignore the dreadful feeling coming over him.  

“Let her work this out on her own Q,” his mind said to him.  His body, however, negated the thought by getting up and going to the door.  He opened it slowly and listened.  He could hear her muffled crying through her door.  He had to go to her.  

******

John knew she would be asleep, and he even wanted it that way.  He loved watching her sleep, seeing her chest rise and fall with each peaceful breath.  And that was what he had to do right now, he had to make sure that she was okay.  He could let himself into the penthouse with a key and leave before she woke.  She would never even know he had been there.

 

John bit the inside of his lower lip and stared at the clock.  Was that really a good idea?  She might wake up and….if she knew he had let himself in she’d be furious.  

 

He contemplated the idea for several minutes before he launched himself out of bed and began to get ready to go out.

******

Q looked down at the tee shirt and boxers he was wearing.  “She’s seen me like this dozens of times,” he said aloud.  “*Not* just after a dream in which you ravaged her within an inch of her life Q,” his mind spoke back.  For the first time he was actually thankful for the way the dream had ended.  That cold water feeling had insured the lack of physical proof of his dream, and he could go right to her.  He walked purposefully across the hall and opened the door without knocking.  

 

There sitting on the edge of the bed, was Marlena.  Wearing the same satiny nightgown he had dreamed about, she looked up at him in surprise.  The only thing she said was, “Gene.”  

Chapter 48 – Collision Course

Marlena looked up at the sound of the door handle clicking out of place.  The door opened and she saw Eugene’s concerned face.  He entered the room but then just stood there, looking at her as she sat motionless on the edge of the bed.  An air of something she couldn’t identify crossed his face for a moment, but then it was gone, and she was left with his troubled expression again.

 

“Gene.”  It was all she could say.  The night had been far too long, and she was far too weary.  

 

She had not been able to fall asleep after she had come upstairs.  Instead, she had been haunted by the realization that once again, through her own inability to take action, she had lost John.  She had lost him to Kristen, and this time, it seemed as if she had lost him permanently.  Little by little, her reserves had broken down until she had been almost surprised to find that she was crying again.  And that she couldn’t stop.

 

After a while, she had decided that she really needed to take Eugene up on his offer.  As much as she hated to break down in front of her friends, the relationship with Eugene went beyond that.  He genuinely wanted only to help her.  And she needed help.  She couldn’t go on like this, not alone.  So, she had gone to his room, and the door had creaked as she had opened it.  But neither the creaking hinges, nor the sound of her muffled tears had woken him, and he had looked so peaceful sleeping there in the moonlight that she hadn’t had the heart to disturb him.  So, as quietly as she could, she had closed his door, and she had gone back to her bedroom.  However, it seemed that eventually she had disturbed him anyway.

 

“Marlena?”  Q was cast in the spot by the door as he looked at her.  She looked so fragile that he felt that if he took her in his arms she might break completely.  He wanted to go to her, yet something held him back.  It was her. 

 

“I’m sorry Gene, did I wake you?”  Her voice was strong, yet a tremor of uncertainty ran underneath it.

 

“Not exactly.”  Q smiled at the irony.  “I woke….,” he became serious again.  “I heard you crying.  I was worried about you,” he said by way of an explanation.  Marlena tried to smile, but it was dissolved in a cascade of tears as the pain broke through again.  His caring was more than she deserved.

 

“No Marlena, don’t cry.” Q begged.  She looked up to find that he was by her side.

 

“I can’t seem to help it.”  Marlena sobbed as he tentatively drew her into his arms.  “It hurts too much.  Why can’t I make it stop hurting Gene?”

 

“Because that’s not the way it works, sweetheart,” he soothed as she buried her face into his shoulder.  “It’s one of those all too human dilemmas.”

 

“Then I don’t want to be human,” she replied wretchedly. 

 

Marlena’s tears were soaking through his t-shirt, and he could feel the warmth of her against his damp skin.  He swallowed as she moved instinctively closer to him, seeking the comfort that he was offering.

 

“What happened tonight, Marlena?” he asked as gently as he knew how.

 

“Tonight?”  It was evasive.  She didn’t want to think about it, much less talk about what had happened.

 

“With John.”  Q winced as he felt her tense under his arms.

 

“Please, Gene,” she pleaded as she shook with sobs.  “Please don’t.  I just can’t…..”

 

“Shhhh, okay.”  

 

Eugene felt tears well up in his own eyes.  It was almost as if he were experiencing her pain, his own was so intense.  He couldn’t bear to see her like this, but at the same time he didn’t know what to do to help her.

 

“It’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.”  He began to stroke her hair with his fingers as he held her, whispering tender platitudes to try and calm her.

******

John pulled on a pair of dark jeans and threw a tee-shirt on over the top.  His hair was wet from his shower as he checked out his bleary-eyed visage in the mirror.  He turned up his nose as he fingered the black circles under his eyes.  He wasn’t in the best of shapes at the moment.  This whole thing had him so shaken that he hardly knew which way was up anymore.  He hadn’t been sleeping properly and regular meals had gone by the wayside.  And there was no end in sight.

 

Deep down he knew that this was a bad idea.  Going to see Marlena and the kids.  But he needed to do it.  Just seeing her might well be enough to still the ache in his heart.  He sighed.  Maybe he was just kidding himself. He had to ask himself what point was there in torturing himself?  Seeing her there and not being able to touch her or talk to her, would that not be worse than not seeing her at all?  But still there was this overwhelming urge that no matter how hard he tried to squelch it kept whispering to him that he needed to see her.

 

Still having misgivings, he pulled on a teal-colored turtleneck sweater and slipped his feet into some comfortable shoes.  He snatched up his keys and wallet and took the stairs two at a time down to the living room of the loft.

 

The room was dark and held the familiar feel of a dear old friend, welcoming and protecting with its stone walls.  But still it wasn’t enough to still John’s nerves.  He slid open the door and something made him stop momentarily.  It was almost as if there was a feeling of something…. but then it was gone, and John wasn’t at all sure it wasn’t his imagination working overtime.  Yet it was enough to make him debate again the wisdom of this move.  Maybe, he though, it might be better just to get out for some fresh air and drive off this melancholic feeling that had taken hold of him with such sudden artlessness.  Maybe that was what he would do.

 

He slid the door closed behind him and locked it before he made his way to the elevator, fidgeting as the contraption slowly clanked its way to the top of the building.  The metal bars that stood as a door slowly ground open and John climbed in and hit the ground button.  The elevator was halfway down it’s tortuously slow descent when the flash of gold caught his eye.  

 

Picking it up from the floor, John saw with surprise that it was a tiny gold strawberry.

******

Marlena was so tense that her knuckles were white where her fist gripped at Q’s tee-shirt.  The emotions washed uncontrollably over her as she struggled to find some splinter of control to build on.  From somewhere distant, she could hear his voice, calling to her, trying to find a way to soothe her raw wounds.  Slowly, within her, she reached out towards him, until she came close enough to realize that she could feel the rumbling vocalizations beneath her cheek.

 

She lifted her tearstained face from her chest and looked up at him, her expression plaintive.

 

“What do I do wrong Gene?” she asked trembling.

 

“Wrong?”  He didn’t understand, but Marlena felt like she would drown in the compassion his eyes held.  She looked down.

 

“How do I always screw it up?  I try…so….*hard*.”  She struggled for breath.  “But I always end up *hurting* the people I love.  I try to protect them, but I just cause them pain instead.”  She brushed at the welling tears with her fingers in an almost desperate gesture.  “I hurt Roman so much and I drove him away.  And I hurt Sami and Eric too, I know I did.”  She shrugged as the tears dripped off her jaw, only to be replaced by more.  “And now I’m doing it to Belle and Brady.  They’re *suffering*,” she sniffed and wiped at her face angrily as the tears surged in intensity.  “They’re *hurting* and I can’t help them.  I’m causing it and I can’t *stop* it.”

 

Q pulled away from Marlena slightly and gently wiped away the worst of her tears with the back of his index fingers before framing her face with his hands so that she would look at him.

“It’s *not* your fault Marlena,” he told her emphatically.  “You are hurting more than all of them but it’s nothing *you* have done.  You can’t keep blaming yourself for mistakes you made a lifetime ago.  That’s *over* now.  If this is *anyone’s* fault, it’s *John’s*.”  Q spat out the name angrily, furious at the man for his continuing stupidity and negligence.  

 

Marlena flinched and tried to pull away at John’s name

 

“No Marlena.”  Q was adamant.  “I won’t have you blaming yourself for what has happened, because it’s simply not true.  You have done the best you could have done.  It’s *John* who has failed all of you.”  His heart ached at the misery and disbelief in Marlena’s unusually dark eyes, and he pulled his hands away and carefully tucked the stray strands of damp hair behind her ears.  “Belle and Brady are children Marlena.  They are resilient and they’ll make it through this.”  He believed what he was telling her, but somewhere a little voice nagged at him.

 

But will you?  

 

Yet it was almost as if Marlena hadn’t heard him as she stared at him with huge, haunted eyes.  Deep inside, she desperately wanted to believe what he was saying, to let go of the self-blame, the contrition and the denial.  But the eternal guilt that possessed her would not let her, and the doubt remained.

 

“I can’t do it Gene,” she whispered.

 

“Oh Marlena…‘  He shook his head and pulled her into his arms again.  “You have to.  You just have to.”

 

Marlena felt the warmth of his body next to hers and her arms curved automatically around his neck, seeking comfort and solace as she began to cry into his shoulder.  Q swallowed deeply as she pressed herself closer to him, clinging to him like some sort of lifeline.  His heart thumped as her hair brushed across his face and she was warm against him, her fragrance lingering and teasing him in subtle wafts.

 

As hard as he tried to resist it, memories of his dream flashed back to him.  She had smelled just like this and felt just like this, and he was finding it increasingly hard to control the desire he felt for her.  Every part of him wanted her, wanted to make love to her slowly and worshipfully, just as he had in his dream.

 

But his mind told him that he couldn’t be so foolish.  If he made even so much as a move, he would surely be throwing away the most precious part of his existence.

 

“But what if she wants you too?” the little voice niggled somewhere inside.  He shook his head slightly, trying to rid himself of the unsettling idea.  He had to be delusional if he thought for even a moment that she might reciprocate his feelings.  She had never shown any sign of feeling anything but friendship towards him.  She was in love with John and that was that.  She would never regard Q as anything more than a friend and perhaps a confidant.  He knew that better than anyone and he couldn’t kid himself otherwise.

 

Still, none of this made it any easier to be sitting with her in such close proximity.  In fact, it made it worse, knowing that he could be this close to her but never tell her how much he adored her.  The feel of her silky skin and the rise and fall of her breaths was driving him almost crazy.  He couldn’t be this close to her and not want her.  He couldn’t touch her and not imagine how it would feel to slip the strap of her nightgown from her shoulder.  He couldn’t….

 

He shook his head again, a little more firmly this time, trying to rid himself of the images that sprang to his mind.  He bit the inside of his lip, hard, hoping that the pain would distract him enough to be able to work out how to extricate himself from this situation.  For as sure as a very sure thing, sooner or later, Marlena would realize that something was up.  Figuratively if not literally.

******

John studied the tiny gold nugget with his brow furled into wrinkles.  It looked like the charm he had given Marlena.  But she hadn’t been to the loft.  Had she?

 

The lift hit the basement floor and John stepped out, still fiddling with the strawberry between his fingers.  He was confused as to why it might be there, but he wasn’t about to jump to any conclusions.  It may not even be Marlena’s or it may have been there for a while.  He tapped at the wall in contemplation.  But then again….  He shook his head.  If she had been there, she would have told him.  If she had been there, she would have left a note or she would have called.  He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.  In all honesty, he had no idea how that charm had made its way into the lift and he couldn’t just leap to conclusions and assume *anything* that came into his mind.  

 

All he could do was just leave it and ask her when the time was convenient, that was all.  Until then he wouldn’t infer anything into the presence of a little piece of gold.  If it was important, only time would tell.

 

John slipped the charm carefully into the pocket of his jeans as he pulled his keys out and entered the basement of the building.  The carpark was all but deserted, his jeep one of the few occupying vehicles to be seen.  He hit the remote and the alarm whooped for a second to tell him that all was clear.  He climbed into the front seat of the jeep and tried to clear his mind.

 

A minute later, he was sitting in the driveway of the warehouse, wondering where to go.  The street outside his building was eerily quiet and he turned on the radio to fill the ominous emptiness of the shadowy night.  Soothing tones flooded the car as he made the decision that the best place for him to head was away from Marlena’s penthouse.

******

Marlena was totally unaware of Eugene’s dilemma until she felt him pulling away from her grip.  He was gentle, but the move was sudden, and Marlena looked up him in surprise.

 

“Gene?” she asked quickly, worried that she had done something to upset him.  But as she looked at him, she was unable to read the expression in his eyes and it made her uneasy.

 

“I’m sorry Marlena,” he was acutely uncomfortable as he tried to disentangle her arms from around his neck.  

 

He needn’t have bothered as she pulled away from him as though she had been bitten.

 

“You’re *sorry*?” she asked with a touch of anger, misunderstanding Eugene’s motives.  “What exactly is making you sorry?”

 

Q immediately regretted his move, even though he logically knew he had been offered no other choice.  He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, or embarrass her, and here he was, potentially doing both.

 

“It’s alright Marlena, it doesn’t matter,” he murmured.  

 

His attempt to sidestep the issue only made matters worse.

 

“It doesn’t *matter*?” Marlena repeated, her eyes filling with tears as she saw how uncomfortable Eugene suddenly was.  ‘You said you wanted to help me and now it’s like you can’t get away from me fast enough ….and it doesn’t *matter*?”

 

“That’s not at all what I meant.”  Gene’s face reddened with embarrassment and distress.  It was exactly this sort of scene he had been trying to avoid.  The only way this could be worse was if she knew what he really *had* meant.

 

“Well, what exactly *did* you mean?”  Marlena snapped back, her temper fraying under the enormous stress she had placed upon herself.

“It’s not important Marlena.  I just wanted to help you, that’s all.  I’m sorry if I hurt you instead.”   Q was defensive, setting Marlena’s nerves even more tightly.  Clenching her jaw, she pushed herself off the bed and away from Q, crossing her arms in front of her like a barrier.

 

“Well, I’m sorry if you don’t find it important.  I happen to think it is, but if you don’t want to let me in on your little secret, well that’s your prerogative.”  The words were out of Marlena’s mouth before she could bite them back.  It was like someone else had taken control and she couldn’t stop the vitriolic words before they hit their target. “I’m sorry if I’ve taken up too much of your precious time.”

 

Q looked up at Marlena in shock.  He hadn’t expected her to react so virulently.  Or to get it so wrong.

 

“Marlena. No.”  He shook his head.  “That’s not it at all.”

 

“You don’t need to spare my feelings Gene.”  She consciously loosened her fists and tried to relax.  The nasty voice receded to the back of her head momentarily.  There was no point in making this anymore acrimonious than it already was.  “It was nice of you to put up with me this long.  I guess you can head back to bed now.”

 

Q just looked at her.  She had it all so wrong, but he could never convince her of that without telling her the truth of the matter.  And he couldn’t do that either.  He was stuck and instead of helping her, he only seemed to have made matters worse.  He was just one more person that had let her down.

 

“Marlena, I…,” he tried, “you’re wrong.”  He sighed.  “There’s nothing I want more than to help you.  You have done so much for me.  I just want to return your friendship and all the support you have given me.”  

 

His words touched and exacerbated the turmoil of emotions inside Marlena.  What he was saying was so at odds with his earlier actions that had confused and hurt her.  After all that she had been through, after all the lies and chicanery, she needed his honesty and the strength of his love and friendship to get her through this.  She couldn’t do it on her own.

 

“Then why are you doing this?” she began to cry again.  “Why are you pushing me away?  I need you Gene and you’re pushing me away.”

 

“I’m not Marlena,” his voice was almost hoarse.  “I’m not pushing you away.”

 

“Please don’t *lie* to me Gene.  At least you owe me *that* much.”  She wiped her face dry again and the memory of him moving away from her and the unreadable expression in his dark brown eyes sparked her anger again.  And once more, that anger proved to bolster her strength.  “I don’t understand Gene.  You *physically* pushed me away.  What *else* am I supposed to think when you look at me like you’d rather be *anywhere* but with here with me.”

 

Her intimation that he was lying incensed Q.  It was bad enough to be in this situation, but for her to misinterpret his motives and blame him for something which had no basis in truth, hurt him more than he would have been willing to admit.  That and the contributing tiredness led him to fight back.

 

“You’re *supposed* to trust me.  You’re supposed to realize that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

 

“Oh yeah – I’ve heard *that* line before.”  Marlena shot back angrily.  “I’ve heard it over and *over*.  But it never makes any difference in the end.  When it becomes too hard, those words mean *nothing*.  It’s easier to walk away.”

 

“You’re being *ridiculous*.”  Q bit back his words but he was too late – they were out, and they hung like a scimitar between them.

 

“*Ridiculous*?!”  Marlena was fuming.  “Nice to know what you really think of me.  Finally, I think we’re getting to the truth.” 

 

Q ran his fingers through his hair despairingly.  She was driving him crazy, and he realized she wasn’t going to let up on him any time soon.

 

“Maybe you’re right.  Maybe I shouldn’t be here.”  He said grimly.  “Maybe in the morning you might be a little more rational.”

 

“And maybe in the morning I might just still be the same person I am now, and you might decide to walk out the door and not come back.” Marlena retorted furiously.  “How am I supposed to *know*?  What is so wrong with me Eugene that you can’t bear to spend five minutes in the same room with me?”

 

“Please don’t Marlena.”  Q warned her, his own emotions totally chaotic, lagging along behind the rollercoaster ride of Marlena’s.  “Just *leave* it.”

 

“No!”  Marlena was too upset now.  She couldn’t leave it alone.  Not until he told her the truth.  “You don’t want to be here.  You don’t want to help me, even though you say you do.  I want to know why you’re lying to me.  If you’re trying to be kind, you’re not.  You’re just being cruel.”

 

“You can’t..”  Q stared at her, distressed.  “You can’t think that.  It’s not true.”

 

“Then what *is* the truth *dammit*?”  Marlena loudly battered at Gene’s defenses.  “Why are you doing this to me?  WHY?”

 

“Don’t you understand?”  He shook his head.  “I can’t be here with you like this, Marlena.  It’s driving me crazy.”

 

“No, I *don’t* understand.”  She was practically shouting at him.  “WHY?” she demanded again, not seeing what should have been totally obvious.  

 

“Because of the way I *feel* about you!  I can’t be near you Marlena because I *want* you so much I’m afraid to even *touch* you!”  Q blurted it out before he even knew it was coming.  He almost didn’t realize that he had said it out loud until he saw the stark shock registering on Marlena’s face.

Chapter 49 – A Roll of the Dice

John turned into another street that he hadn’t driven through for years.  When the twins were little, sometimes he had taken them driving, just to calm them down.  In doing so he had come across places he had never seen before, or since.  Even during his long hours on stakeouts, he had never seen half of these areas of town.

 

It wasn’t long before he found himself up on the hill overlooking Salem.  It was where all the kids parked, he remembered.  It wasn’t all he remembered.  Once he had brought Marlena up here.  It had been late, and deserted, just like this.  The twins were with their grandparents, and he hadn’t told her where they were going until they had reached Lookout Point.  When he had turned off the engine, Marlena had giggled and asked him what they were doing there.  He had told her that they were parking.  She had laughed again with embarrassment and told him that they were not teenagers.  He had laughed back and asked why that mattered?  She hadn’t taken much convincing, and they had ended up laughing and making love in the back seat of the car, just like a couple of teenagers.

 

He winced.  The memory had been too painful to dredge up, but it seemed wherever he went right now, she was there.  Memories of their life together, of losing her, of the mistakes he had made….  He pulled the gold strawberry out of his pocket and rubbed it distractedly against his lips.   The pain and despair were almost overwhelming.  He needed her in his life so much that it was almost like she was a vital part of him and she sustained him, keeping him breathing and healthy.

 

He so desperately wanted to see her.  To touch her, to hold her and to make love to her.  He didn’t know what to do, his need for her was so consuming.  He couldn’t stop thinking about her and it was only getting worse.

******

Eugene covered his face with his hands and groaned inwardly.  He couldn’t believe he had just made such a huge blunder.  He couldn’t even bear to look at Marlena’s face.  The pity and rejection he knew he would find there was too much for him to take. 

 

Instead, he just sat, immobile on the edge of the bed, mentally flagellating himself for being so *utterly* stupid.  Inside, he felt as though he was about to die.  Of course, he thought, perhaps dying would be preferable to just about any other outcome of this scenario.  He could feel her disdain emanating from across the room and he desperately wanted to get up and run as far and as fast as he could.  But he was stuck here, his heart pounding, and feeling more miserable than he ever had.

 

Marlena stood stunned, across the room as it all became suddenly clear.  Why he had behaved like he had and why he hadn’t been able to tell her.  And she suddenly felt very foolish.  Foolish not to see what should have been so obvious.  And foolish to have been so wrapped up in her own troubles that she hadn’t seen his.  And the fact that she was the cause of them.  That was soon replaced though, by concern for Eugene.  And by something else.

 

It suddenly occurred to her exactly what he had done for her.  He had spent all this time, trying to help her with her own shattered love life, while ignoring his own feelings.  In his effort to help her deal with her emotions, he had put his to one side and he had never once let her see the true extent of his struggle.  Because he would have known instinctively that it must change their relationship.  It would have to, there was no way the footing they had established in their long friendship could stay the same now.

 

She looked at the hunched figure sitting on the bed and knew that he was absolutely distraught at what had just happened.  But like she had been, he was blaming himself for something he had no control over, and she couldn’t bear to see him in such pain.  Especially knowing that she was the cause.

 

She castigated herself for not realizing.  She should have known.  Perhaps she had known, but she had chosen to ignore the knowledge, lest it complicate her life even more.  But she knew now, that had not been fair on her part.  Those had not been the actions of a real friend.

 

As she watched him, memories began to flow into her consciousness, memories of their friendship, the way they had helped each other through crises and been there to enjoy the good times with each other.  He had, she thought, been so good to her, and she had never really appreciated that fact.  Until this moment.

 

Images floated by, in some semblance of order, but at the same time disjointed in their focus and meaning.  

 

His unshaven and frightened face.  He had abducted her, thinking he was the Salem strangler.  He had threatened her and scared her half to death, but when it had come down to the wire, he had not harmed her.  And she had known, deep down, that he wouldn’t.

 

She remembered after Samantha had been killed by Jake Kosichek, how Eugene had practically saved her from an interrogation by Jake’s brother Chris and how Gene had given Chris the once over that had practically driven him out of her office.  She had been wallowing in guilt, but Gene had been the only person, besides Roman, who had been able to get through that barrier.  And then a little later, in his own unique way he had helped her recover from the loss of her foster son Johnny to his birth mother.  He had read her a passage from the Bible and she could still remember how uncertain he had seemed, but how much it had obviously meant to him to try and help her.  He really *had* helped her and that had meant the world to her.

 

Later, when Trista had been killed, she had been there to help him through it, and he had returned the support when she believed that Roman was dead.  When she had fallen pregnant with the twins, Eugene had been there to cover for she and Roman, by taking ‘responsibility’ for her pregnancy.  She could still remember the conversation they had had when he had suggested that she marry him.  “I can’t marry you,” she had said with some surprise, “that’s bigamy!”   “Yeah, well,” he had quipped back lightheartedly, “It’s big of *me*!”

 

And so, their friendship had continued as it grew and strengthened, he being there for her and she for him, through the good times they had shared, and the heartbreaking moments.  He had always been unfailing in his loyalty to her.  

 

And then he had come back to Salem a different person, with a different name, but in all the ways that had really mattered, he had still been her Gene.  He was wonderful with Belle and Brady, and they just adored him.  He had made her laugh when she had felt that she could barely smile, and he had been her strength and her foundation.  He had been there for her every step of the way through this crisis with John, and it was even he who had thrown them together on that night months ago.  It seemed as if his loyalty to her knew no bounds, even at the cost of his own inner peace.

 

Suddenly another memory came flooding back to her.  It was recent and suddenly almost overwhelming, and she took a step back, steadying herself on the bureau.  It was the night she had gotten so miserable and drunk.  He had come home late, by which time she had polished off a large portion of the bottle of red wine, and she had torn into him, blaming him for not being there for her when it really counted.

 

Marlena flushed, feeling ashamed of herself.  He *had* been there when it really counted.  He always had, she couldn’t blame him for the problems that she herself had created and then not been able to handle.  It was selfish of her to expect him to be there to pick up the pieces.  Especially now she realized what it had been doing to him.

 

He had sat through her drunken recriminations and self-pity that night, suffering her in silence.

Q crawled over to where she hunched in front of the flames.

“Then let me help you.”

“I don’t *want* your help.”  Marlena shook his arm from around her.  “I don’t want anybody’s help.  I just want you to leave me *alone*.”  Her voice trailed off into a quiet, plaintive echo.  “I just want to be alone,”

“Oh I see.” As much as he adored Marlena, Q’s patience was wearing thin.  “You just want to lie here, get even more drunk and wallow in your self-pity.” 

 

Marlena glared at him.

“If you say so.”  she said, her words becoming noticeably indistinct.  “After all, you’re *always* right *Mr. Q*.  How could I possibly argue with a god?”  Q sighed.

“Marlena, you’re being obtuse and argumentative.  There *is* no point in arguing with *you* when you’re in this state.”

“*Fine*!  Then why don’t you go to bed.  And leave me alone to be miserable.”  She stared at him, her eyes still full of the self-hatred that he couldn’t bear to see.  “And drunk and self-pitying.  Okay?”

But he hadn’t left her.  Knowing she was at her lowest ebb, instead he had comforted her and then he had carried her up to bed.  And when she had asked him not to leave her alone, he had obliged.  And then she had kissed him.  

 

She had put it down to the drink before, but that night, Marlena had seen something in Gene’s eyes that she had never seen or chosen to see before.  She had reacted to that indefinable something, and in doing so, realized that she was intensely attracted to him, however much she had tried to deny it since.  Her fingers rose reflexively to her lips, as though she could suddenly feel a heat that had been imprinted on them by that single kiss.  

 

It was Eugene that had broken it off.  He hadn’t wanted to take advantage of her, and he had told her that it was John that she was really wanting to be with, not him.    But in a way, she now realized, he had been wrong.  She had wanted John, but she hadn’t considered Gene as merely a substitute.  She had really been attracted to him, and more than a little curious.

 

It was with a surprise that Marlena realized that her heartbeat had quickened.  It was, she supposed, nervousness.  But it was more than that.  She knew she wasn’t *in love* with him, she did know that, and she wouldn’t kid herself, or him otherwise.  But here he had been, only moments ago, telling her how much he wanted her, and now she realized with surprise, he wasn’t alone in his desire.  She really did love him, a love born of friendship and caring.  However, right at this moment, she couldn’t see any reason why that relationship couldn’t, or shouldn’t move to a higher level.

 

The kiss flitted again through her mind, and she felt desire move through her like a warm and sensuous invasion.  The memories of that night might have been a little hazy, thanks to the merlot, but Marlena was in no doubt that she had enjoyed it.  And she also knew she would have happily taken it further if Eugene had not stopped her.

 

Q still sat on the edge of the bed, frozen in his shame.  He was mortified, which was entirely unfair, Marlena reflected.  All he had ever sought to do was make her happy and now one slip was tearing him apart.  The thoughts repeated in her mind, urging her to make a decision that, in truth, she had already made.  She had made it the moment he had said those words.  That he wanted her.

 

He had wanted to make her happy, and now she had the opportunity to make him happy.  There was no doubt in her mind that it was over with John.  He had obviously made his decision and she now had to move on with her life.  And here she was being offered the perfect means to do that.  Eugene was sitting here, offering her his love and a new direction for her life, and she couldn’t think of one good reason not to accept.

******

John jumped the short distance from his jeep to the ground and pushed the door shut behind him.  He walked slowly down to the lake, the thick layer of stones crunching beneath his feet.  He stared out over the water for a moment and then crouched down on the pebble littered shore.  The moon was still shining brightly, though a few clouds were rolling in to blot the silver orb and muffle its effect on the world below.

 

He picked up a smooth pebble and, turned it over in his fingers, feeling the coolness of it against the warmth of his hand.  He contemplated it for several moments before he tossed it at the water which lapped at the lake shore.  It hit the glossy surface of the lake with a plunk and sank beneath the water, the ripples slowly driving outwards in ever increasing circles, that eventually touched everything.

 

That was how he saw Kristen he reflected, just like that stone.  Smooth and cold but with the capacity to create havoc.  And the consequences of her actions rippled ever further, like the rings of an ever-increasing wave of disorder.

 

He looked out over the lake and made out the outline of Smith Island in the distance.  That island, and the cabin that it sequestered, held many memories.  Some good, some not so good.

 

Of course, the sweetest was the birth of his daughter.  Bringing that tiny bundle into the world was one of John’s greatest joys.  The connection he had felt with that small life was quite profound, an extension and legitimation of the soul-deep bond he had with her mother.

 

But Kristen even marred that memory.

 

John sighed loudly, breaking the cold peace of the night.  If only he had known then what he knew now, how different his life would be.

******

Q groaned inwardly.  He had heard nothing from Marlena’s direction and his agony seemed to be growing exponentially with each second that passed.  He could hardly believe that she had reduced him to this, a sniveling wreck over a mere woman.  But then she was no mere woman.  What he remembered saying in his dream was all too true.  He had never been able to completely forget her, no matter how he had tried.  She had followed him through systems and galaxies, and through time itself.

 

He had busied himself following,  scrutinizing and often tormenting humans and pretty much every other sentient race throughout space, but he had still never quite been able to escape her influence and he had found himself undertaking surprising and unexpectedly unselfish exploits when he least expected it.

 

And now, after all this time, whether it was eleven, four hundred or four million years, he was back with her and after all this time he realized the truth that he was as much in love with her as he had ever been.  If anything, his feelings were deeper.  He loved her so much that he ached with the emotions he tried to contain within himself.  And with one stupid slip of the tongue, he had just destroyed everything he held dear.  He wished silently that she’d make the final blow quick and not prolong his humiliation too much longer.  But while he waited, every second slowed to an eternity, an eternity that seemed far longer than any he was used to.

 

The soft touch on his hand startled him so much that he almost jumped.  He hadn’t heard her move back to the bed.  He hadn’t even sensed her movement at all.  If he had been honest with himself, he would have realized that his fear was shutting her out, but all he could concentrate on was the voluble pounding of his heart and the constriction of his throat.  The feeling of her hands closing over his only worsened his panic.

 

“Gene.”  Her voice was like sweet amber honey as it flowed over him.  Yet he ignored her, unwilling to open his eyes to the pity and embarrassment in hers.  He wished with all his might that this night had never happened, and things would remain the way they had been, but now that could never happen.  He would have given almost *anything* for his full contingent of powers at this point.

 

“Please Gene?” she repeated, and he felt one of her hands move from his.  Suddenly her fingers were under his chin, trying to encourage him to look upwards.  Miserably, he shook his head.

 

“Please don’t Marlena,” he begged in a tortured whisper.

 

“Just look at me.”  Her voice was velvety but something about it was extremely persuasive and Q almost couldn’t help himself as he slowly raised his head and opened his disconsolate eyes to hers.

 

What he found in them floored him momentarily.  Instead of the pity he had prepared himself for, her eyes told an entirely different story.  The sparkle of the hazel irises delivered him momentary hope as he imagined that he recognized her expression from his dream.  It was only seconds before it occurred to him that he was setting himself up for a terrible fall.  The look in her eyes could hardly be desire, for why in the universe would she want him?  It was he decided, mild amusement, which was almost more painful that plain pity.  He couldn’t stand to be just a clown to Marlena.  If that was how she felt about him he thought he might just die of the humiliation.  

 

For a moment he hoped she had just thought his words had been spoken in jest.  That was until she spoke again.  Her voice was soft and full of compassion.

 

“Gene, I can’t believe you’ve been holding this in for so *long*.”  She was trying to be gentle, but she could see the wince in his eyes as she spoke.

 

“Please Marlena,” the words tumbled out almost too quickly, as if he had been rehearsing them in his head.  “I don’t want your pity.  Really, I can handle anything but that.”

 

Marlena’s expression became serious as, in an intimate gesture, she smoothed the hair at his temple.

 

“Oh Eugene,” she whispered with a hint of a smile.  “I don’t *pity* you.”  She stared straight into his eyes as she spoke the truth that came from her heart.  “I *want* you.”

Chapter 50 – Close Encounters

John crossed his arms in front of him and wandered along the lake shore.  There was so much that he would change if only he could have the chance to do it all over again.  After that plane crash he would search for her until he had found her, however long that took.  He would have found her, and he never would have let her out of his arms, much less his sight ever again.

 

He had been so stupid to think he could replace her.  In his life and in his heart, she was the only one that would ever fit the space.  Roman had come back and John had just given her up, just walked away, thinking he was doing the right thing.  He knew now he should have fought for her with everything he had.  But like so many times he had done what he had thought was right for her and everyone else.

 

He thought back to the day they had said the final goodbyes to their marriage and relationship down in Chichenitza.  They had just discovered that Isabella was pregnant, and everything had fallen into place.  Or so they had thought.  Deciding to end it then without resolving their feelings had just led to more pain and heartache for everyone, most of all, the one person he had never wanted to hurt, Marlena.

 

He had lost everything else, and he had let her slip away along with all the other facets of his life that were so important to him.  He remembered that conversation like it had been yesterday.  He had not wanted to let go of her.  “I don’t have any memories of my own, and the one I do have I’m supposed to forget.”  Marlena had shaken her head softly, obviously feeling his pain.  “No.  Don’t forget it.  Just think of this as a journey, and this was a place that you stopped, along the way.  And then you moved on.”  She had sounded so convincing, like it would all be so easy, just to forget their life and their love together and make new lives.  Still, she had almost reduced him to tears when he had told her that he had loved her.  

 

“I loved *you*…” she had whispered, tears in her eyes, “…love…you.”  And then that had been it.  The end of their love.  At least that was what they had tried to tell themselves.

 

John sighed and wiped away the tear that clung to his cheek.  The past was the past.  He couldn’t keep torturing himself over things that he couldn’t change.  He had done some terrible things and he had hurt Marlena badly, but he knew their love was strong enough to make it past those obstacles.  He just had to work out how to make Marlena see that too.

******

Q’s chest thumped as he shook his head vehemently at Marlena’s words.  This was going to be even worse than he had imagined.  The last thing he had wanted was for her to feel so sorry for him that she’d do this.  His eyes filled with tears of humiliation, and he bowed his head, desperately trying to hide his weakness from her.

 

“Please don’t Marlena,” he whispered.  “That just makes it worse.”

 

“Wha…?”  Marlena looked down at his bowed head, a little confused, not yet understanding the extent of Q’s insecurities.  Her brow wrinkled a little.  “Gene, I don’t understand.”

 

“Of course you don’t,” Q’s laugh was harsh and self-deprecating.  “I don’t even understand.”  He took a deep breath and stared at down at her perfect hand, still gently covering his clumsy, human ones.  “I told you I didn’t want your pity, Marlena.  I never meant to burden you with this, and I can’t bear the thought that….”  He trailed off, unable to bring to voice the words that floated awkwardly in his head.

 

“Oh…”  Marlena looked at him, aching for his pain.  She understood perfectly now.  He thought she was offering herself out of pity and embarrassment.  That she would sleep with him because she felt sorry for him.  

 

Without a sound, she knelt before him on the carpeted floor.

 

“Gene,” she looked up at his face and discovered that there were tears on his cheeks.  She felt a pang as she realized that it was years since she had seen him cry.  Gently she lifted her fingers to his cheeks and traced the path of his tears.  “Gene, now I think it’s *you* who doesn’t understand.”  She smiled as she smoothed away the moisture.  “I didn’t say that out of pity or because I was embarrassed or anything else.  I said it because it’s the truth.”  She saw the confusion in his eyes as her words sank in.  “Gene, when you told me that you wanted me, it made me realize something that I hadn’t admitted to myself before.  Not fully.  It’s true.  I am attracted to you and I *do* want you.  It’s as simple as that.”

 

Her voice sounded low and husky to Q and it twisted his heart even deeper into the knot that strangled his responses.  All he could do was shake his head and moan “No.”  There was no way she could want him.  It couldn’t be possible.  After an eternity of dreaming about her and worshipping her, she couldn’t just tell him she wanted him.  It made no sense.

 

Marlena continued to see the disbelief in his eyes and wondered how to get through to him, to make him see that she was telling the truth.  Slowly, she edged towards him and looked at his hands, clasped below hers.  She lifted her hands and gently pried his apart.  His eyes begged her to just let him be, but she would not be dissuaded.  She lifted his left hand gently and brought it toward her, laying his palm on the bare skin above her satin clad cleavage.

“Can you feel it?” she whispered.  “Doesn’t that prove that I’m telling you the truth?”

 

Q closed his eyes as he felt the rhythm of her heart below her skin.  Despite the fact that she had only the satin nightgown on, her skin was warm, and she was infiltrating her fingers between his as she held his hand against her.

 

He pulled away.

 

“Please don’t do this to me Marlena,” he said soberly.  “It’s not exactly fair.”

 

“I don’t want to be fair.”  Marlena leant forward so that her face was just inches away from his.  “What I want, is for you to make love to me.”

 

Her words, in little more than a breathy murmur, send a shockwave of lust though him.  He wanted her so badly that he could barely stand it and she was scant inches away from him.

 

“I want to make you happy,” she mouthed softly.  “Let me make you happy.”

 

Q could do nothing but swallow and look at her.  Her face was flushed, her eyes glittering, and she genuinely seemed to mean what she said.  Although maybe, he reflected, it was because he wanted to believe that she was genuine.  His desire for her had so bewildered his thoughts that he didn’t know what to do.  He knew what he *should* do was to get up and walk out of the room and let her come to her senses.  But she was now leaning on his knees, smiling at him with that enigmatic air and he couldn’t move.  It was as though with her gaze she had transfixed him.

 

“No arguments?” she grinned wickedly.  “Well, this is a much better state of affairs.”  Q took in a breath to speak but she winked at him, and he was lost.  She put her index finger to her lips and kissed it and then sealed his lips with the merest touch.

 

It came unexpectedly when she pushed him back onto the bed and by the time he had struggled back up, he realized, Marlena had relieved him of his boxers shorts.

 

“Marlena, no!”  There was almost terror in his eyes as he realized what she intended to do.

 

“It’s alright sweetheart,” she smiled playfully.  “I promise I’ll be gentle.”

 

Q, in a last, desperate gesture tried to push her away, but she was too quick for him.  Before he could move again, she reached out and took him in her hands.  He tried again, but with less strength and will, as she closed her fingers around him and squeezed almost imperceptibly.  She smiled as she heard his capitulating groan.  

 

Edging even closer, she began to move her fingers up and down, exploring the feel of him and enjoying the novelty of a new lover.  She felt him tense as she bent her head and gently took him into her mouth and then she heard another groan explode from his lips as she tasted him with her tongue, reveling in the sweet warmth of him.  

 

Q leaned back on the bed slightly, supporting himself with his hands as the exquisite sensations washed over him.  He couldn’t even begin to dare to think that this was actually happening.  He could actually think about very little at all as he gasped for breath, Marlena moving further down, exploring and experimenting with her lips and tongue, driving him close to insanity with every movement.

 

Slowly she pulled away, barely grazing him with her teeth, exposing the moist flesh to the cool night air.  He shivered as she withdrew totally and then looked up at him with a touch of amusement.

 

“Do you want me to stop?” she teased with a smile and a gleam in her eyes.  Q swallowed and shook his head slowly.  “I didn’t think so,” she grinned.

 

His breathing became ragged as she began to play her tongue around him and down his length.  He closed his eyes and leant his head back and succumbed to the sensations as she found her way back up and circled him with her tongue.  He moaned as she took him into her mouth again and began to suck at him ever so gently, gliding down and back up, building a slow but steady rhythm.

 

Q couldn’t believe Marlena was doing this.  He had always held her high on a pedestal and he never would have imagined that she would enjoy or even want to do this.  For him of all people.  He figured he had to be just about the luckiest guy in the universe right now.  He was past worrying about her reasons, she had obviously been determined, and he was in no position to stop her now.  

 

Her deliberateness and seeming expertise alluded to the fact that she was very experienced at what she was doing and every movement she made sent him further towards the edge, challenging his self-control.  She was using her lips, tongue and occasionally her teeth to torment him as she continued to work her magic on his body, his responses almost automatic as he began to move with her.  He had never thought that sex could feel this incredibly divine, but this was beyond nothing he had even imagined.

 

Marlena looked up and Q and noted the expression on his face.  She didn’t want this all to be over too quickly, she had far more in store for him, so she slowed her movements and then finally withdrew once again.  She watched him open his eyes in surprise and frustration.  She smiled at him and deliberately pushed the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders.  Pushing herself off the floor, she hitched the skirt of her nightgown up slightly and moved forward until she was straddling Q’s thighs.  Catching his eyes with a sultry glance from below her lashes, she lowered herself until she was sitting on his knees.

 

She could sense his nervousness as she shimmied forward slightly and she determined to show him that there was no reason to be nervous.  He was as much a part of this as she was.  With a small smile, she leaned forward and pulled his hands off the bed so that he had to sit upright to balance himself.  With that small movement, Q found himself pressed up against Marlena, so close he could feel her warmth emanating through the skimpy nightdress. Marlena brought his hands around behind her and pressed them against the back of her hips.  Q’s eyes widened as she let his hands go and snaked hers around his neck so that he was sure she must be able to feel the way his heart was hammering in his chest.

 

He slid his hands over the warm satin, exploring her curves as he studied her face with his eyes.  Everything about her was perfect.  He wanted to feel every single inch of her body against him, and he felt as if he could stare into her eyes forever and never feel bored.  In return, Marlena was sweeping his face with her own eyes.  The way he was looking at her made her shiver with delight.  It was as though in one moment he could uncover all her secrets with his penetrating stare.

 

They sat that way for several moments, just drinking each other in, both amazed to find themselves entranced in a moment they had thought would never happen.  Then Marlena broke the moment and gently swept her lips past Q’s.  The graze of her lips left Q’s tingling and wanting more.  Sliding his hands up her back, he pulled her even closer so that her breasts were crushed against his chest.  One hand carried on upwards, gliding over the freckled skin of her back and then up over the nape of her neck, causing her to inhale deeply.  Finally, his fingers wove themselves deeply into her blonde tresses and he kissed her.  He was gentle at first, but the feeling of her hand exploring his back made him lust for her even more.

 

The feeling of Eugene’s lips on hers made the desire explode inside Marlena.  She wanted him so badly that she wasn’t sure that she could wait for him to take the lead.  Q moaned against her mouth as he felt her fingernails rake not quite so gently across his back.  She surprised him once again as her tongue slipped tentatively into his mouth, tempting him to experience even more of her.  He eagerly took up the invitation, deepening the kiss, sliding his tongue against hers, making her tremble as he sent sparks shooting through her body.

 

Finally, Marlena broke off the deeply passionate kiss, gasping for breath.

 

“Oh my!” she exclaimed.  Q regarded her for a moment, her face reddened as she panted.

 

“Are you sure this is what you really want?” he asked solemnly.  Marlena’s face was serious as her breathing slowed slightly.  She looked at him for several moments, realizing idly, that where his eyes had been brown before, now they were almost green.  “Marlena?”

 

“Hmm?”  She was shaken out of her musings by his voice and the concern in his eyes.  “Oh, I’m sorry, what was the question?”  Her mind was working ahead of her body, and she had totally lost track of what he was asking her.

 

“I said are you sure this is what you want?” Q asked, a tremor invading his voice as he feared she was suddenly coming to her senses.

 

“Oh.”  Marlena’s laugh bubbled out of her throat.  “Why you silly.  Of course I want this.”  She suddenly became serious as she lifted her index finger and began to trace his lips.  Her eyelids lowered slightly, and she looked up at him from under her lashes.  “I can’t think of anything right now which I want more.”  She leaned forward until her mouth was right next to his ear.  “Make love to me Gene,” she whispered breathily.

 

Q groaned as she caught his earlobe between her teeth and began to suck on it as she rubbed herself up against him, feeling his hardness between them.  She lifted her knees and squeezed Q’s hips between them as she began to work his way down his neck, alternately kissing and sucking at the soft skin there.  She felt Q’s hands slide down her back and cup her rear.  A tentative squeeze made her inhale.

 

“Mmmm…” she murmured.  “I like that.”  Her hands skimmed down his back in return, but instead of travelling further down, she gathered the hem of Q’s tee-shirt in her hands and pulled it upwards.  Q lifted his arms obligingly and the tee-shirt was discarded on the floor with the boxers.  

 

Marlena smiled and ran her hands over Q’s chest, brushing his nipples with her thumbs as she did.  She felt Q’s reaction to the small movement and smiled.

 

“And obviously, *you* like that.”  She kissed him and then pulled back from him and bent her head to kiss his chest.  Q could hardly breathe as she teased him, biting him gently and flicking her tongue across his nipple.  

 

Deciding it wasn’t fair to let her do all the work, his hands found the outside of her thighs and began to slide upwards, relishing the feeling of her curves beneath his broad hands.  He ran his palms over her buttocks, giving her a squeeze that elicited a moan from Marlena that vibrated against his chest.  His fingers followed the roundness of her hips up to where they merged in a sweeping curve into her small waist.  Her skin was warm, and he felt her breaths grow shallower as he explored the small of her back and drew his hands round to the front of her.  

 

He paused as he reached her breasts, almost too nervous to go any farther.  Marlena, feeling him hesitate, looked up at him.  Wordlessly, she reached down to where the white satin spilled over his arms and in one movement she pulled the nightgown over her head and discarded it on the floor.  Then she covered Q’s hands with hers and slid them upwards.  For a moment Q could do nothing but gaze at her breathlessly.  She was more beautiful than he had ever imagined, and she deserved everything he could ever give her and more.  At that moment he determined devote himself to giving her as much pleasure as she had ever known.  And then some.

 

He grinned at her mischievously as, not moving his hands, he leant in to kiss her.  As his lips touched hers, Marlena felt as though her whole body was on fire.  She had never experienced such intense sensual arousal; it was almost as though every nerve in her body was responding to the way he pressed his lips against hers and the insistent exploration of his tongue as it searched out hers.  

 

She gasped for breath as he broke off the kiss, wide-eyed with surprise.  His assault began anew as he ran his hands lovingly over her breasts, massaging her hardened nipples with the pads of his thumbs.

 

“Oh!” she exclaimed as she threw her head back and pressed her lips together, trying to muffle her cries.  The feeling was exquisite and almost excruciating.  It was as though there were hands all over her body, searching out all her secrets, finding all her most tender spots and gently teasing and exciting them.  She felt the burning moisture of Q’s mouth on her neck, biting and sucking unrelentingly at her skin.

 

Q could feel her beginning to pant – her chest rising and falling under his mouth as he kissed a wet path down to her breasts.  She began to moan loudly as he circled her nipple with his tongue, sending such a barrage of sensations through her body that she began to squirm.  Just as a precaution, Q waved his hand, creating a seal around the room so that no noise they made would wake the children.

 

He continued to play with her nipples using his tongue and teeth while his hands explored the rest of her body.  For Marlena it was as though with his hands and mouth he had brought her to the brink and was just holding her there until he was ready.  However, she was more than ready, and she wanted him desperately.  

 

Gaining some composure, although she was still panting, she lifted her head and wriggled on Gene’s lap.  Q could feel the dampness between her legs and knew what she wanted.  He lifted his head and looked at her face.  Her bangs were damp against her forehead and her eyes were glazed with lust.  He was panting almost as much as she, as she leaned forward, pressing her breasts against his chest.  

 

“Oh god I want you,” she groaned.  “I want you inside me.”

 

“Your wish…” Q smiled as he kissed the side of her cheek tenderly.

 

Almost without effort, he lifted her off his lap slightly and carried her forward.  Marlena whimpered as he slowly slid into her, until she was pressed right up against him.  Instinctively, for she was running on little more than instinct now, Marlena lifted her legs and wrapped them around Eugene’s waist as he began to thrust into her.

 

Marlena felt like she wasn’t even on the same plane of existence anymore.  All she could feel was Q moving inside her, but it was like he was totally inside her, somehow their two beings incorporating into one.  She felt like she was floating, but at the same time there was an intenseness to the sensations that was beyond anything she had ever experienced.  

 

Q felt her moving with him, encouraging him to quicken his pace, giving her even more pleasure.  Her thighs tensed as she rocked, squeezing his hips.  Her moaning was getting louder as they moved and Q gasped as he felt her teeth graze his shoulder in an effort to muffle her cries.

 

“Oh Marlena,” he whispered into her ear, “let me hear you sweetheart.  I want to hear you.”  Marlena lifted her head slightly.

 

“The children….” she managed to get out between breaths.

 

“The children won’t hear anything.”  Q assured her.  “Just you and me.  That’s all.”  He brushed the damp hair back from her face and stared at her red and bruised lips.

 

Before he could do anything, Marlena’s hand slid rapidly up his neck and into the short hair at the back of his neck.  She pulled him to her and delved her tongue between his lips as though she couldn’t get enough.  Q wasn’t complaining as he joined the hungry, crushing kiss, both desperate for even more of each other.  

 

Finally, they came up for air, both still reaching for short kisses between heavy breaths.  Marlena broke the pattern nibbling at Gene’s lower lip before moving across his cheek to his ear.  Q felt both of her arms move around his neck as she began rubbing herself against him.  The sublime feeling was only increased as he felt Marlena’s tongue playing with his ear, moving in time with his thrusts.

 

It wasn’t long before he couldn’t help but pick up the pace, and as he did, Marlena began to moan softly in his ear.  The sound of her voice and the pressure of her thighs on his hips was driving him wild and his hands found their way to her rear again, pulling her even closer.  As he began to drive even deeper into her Marlena found herself struggling for breath in between the uncontrollable cries that emerged from her throat.

 

“Oh Gene…” she gasped.   “Oh Gene. Oh *god*, oh, oh, ..”  

 

Her cries became unintelligible as she threw her head back, her arms still clasped behind Q’s neck.  Q watched her for a moment as he continued to move within her, the most exquisite feeling he had ever known.  He wanted this to last just a moment longer.  

 

Her eyes were closed, and her cries increased in volume as her lover brought her to a height she had never even dreamed of.  Q couldn’t get enough of her face, her body, her pure sensuality.  But her cries had him so aroused that he knew this was it.  He pulled her to him as he drove into her with all his effort.  He felt her fall over the edge into her orgasm, her back arching and her body tensing as she began to cry his name over and over.  She was so loud she was almost screaming, and her absolute abandonment sent Q his own incredible climax, his cries muffled against her creamy skin.

 

The blissful feelings seemed to go on forever as they continued to move against each other, but finally their cries quieted, and their movements slowed to a halt.  Marlena collapsed against Q with a satisfied sigh, unable to move for several minutes thanks to her exhaustion.   Q wrapped his arms around her and lifted one hand to pull her long blonde hair behind her shoulders.  Unable to resist, he kissed her shoulder.  Marlena lifted her head and looked at Q with an almost shy smile.

“That was….” she paused, lost for a description.  “How do you *do* that?” she asked, lifting her hand wearily to wipe the moisture from his forehead.

 

“I think I remember telling you once that I was impotent…,” Q grinned and clicked his fingers, “No that’s not right.”  He pretended to think for a moment.

 

“Stop being silly!”  Marlena giggled as she brushed at him with her hand.

 

“AH!  That’s right!  *Omnipotent*.  How could I forget?”  Q laughed with her.

 

He felt her shiver against him as their bodies cooled, and he pulled over the cotton blanket from the end of the bed and draped it around her shoulders.

 

“Hmmm.  Whatever it was, it was wonderful.”  Marlena murmered dreamily.

 

“You’re wonderful,” Q whispered into her hair.

 

“Me?”  Marlena laughed.

 

“Yes you.”  Q smiled and kissed her forehead.

 

“Well, I think *you’re* wonderful.”  Marlena reached up and planted a gentle kiss on his lips.  “My Mr. Wonderful.”  She sighed and slipped her arms around his neck again and then lay her head on his shoulder as they sat contentedly together, luxuriating in the warm luster of their lovemaking. 

******

John found a bench and sat down, pulling his jacket closer round him.  This had to be the coldest time of the morning and he could feel the frigid breeze coming from a northern direction.  He rubbed his hands together and smiled unexpectedly as he thought of Belle again.  To him she was the most beautiful little girl in the world, and he adored her so much that it almost hurt.

 

She always knew how to cheer him.  A wink, a kiss or a giggle always smoothed away his pain and she could clear the clouds from his mood like a gentle breeze bringing the sunshine.  Of course, a result of this fracture in his relationship with Marlena was that he hadn’t seen nearly enough of his children lately.  That was as much his fault as it was anyone’s, he knew that.  He had been so busy burying himself in his work that he had told himself that he just didn’t have the time to give them.  

 

In some ways that was true, but he also knew that it was because every time he saw the children, they reminded them of exactly how much he had lost, and it hurt too much to put himself through that over and over.  He propped his elbows on his knees and dropped his chin into his hands with a sigh.  His conscience told him he was being nothing but a big coward.  His children needed him, and he couldn’t keep running away because of the mistakes he had made.  He couldn’t keep on hurting them because he was afraid of hurting himself.

 

And besides, the last few times he had spoken to Marlena it had looked like maybe she was softening.  It was just that it had been so long now, and he had tried so hard to prove to her that he was honest in his intentions and emotions.  And still he seemed to be making such little headway.

 

John took in a deep breath and then exhaled, the warm air frosting in the moonlight.  He had promised to do whatever it took, however long it took.  He couldn’t get discouraged now.  One day, he didn’t care how long in the distance it was, as long as it happened, he would make Marlena Evans his wife.

******

Marlena shifted a little uncomfortably as she realized her legs had gone to sleep.

“Ow,” she cursed under her breath and winced as she tried to pull her feet from where they were crossed behind Eugene, off of the bed.  Eugene saw that she was in difficulty, and supporting her with his hands, he stood up, carrying her with him.

 

Marlena smiled at him.

 

“Do you always know what I’m thinking?” she asked.

 

“Uh-uh.”  Q grinned and shook his head.  “If I did, I don’t think you would have had to seduce in me quite such a…”  he paused and lifted his eyebrows, “a *brazen* fashion.”

 

“Oh, you would have spoiled all my fun huh?”  Marlena returned his banter.

 

“I hardly think so.”  Q dropped a soft kiss on her lips and then turned around as Marlena sighed.

 

“No, I think you’re right.”  She smiled lazily as he leaned over and gently laid her on top of the rumpled comforter.  

 

“Mmmm,” she unwrapped her limbs from around him and stretched.  “I still can’t quite believe this happened.”  She pulled him close to her as he lay down.  “I never expected it to happen.”

 

“You should try it from this angle,” Eugene grinned like a little boy at Christmas.  “Here I’ve been, thinking about you, dreaming about you for years, but never imagining that there could even possibly be a chance that you would even look at me twice.  And suddenly I’m here with you and we’ve just made this incredible love.  It’s totally unbelievable!”

 

“Oh Gene,” Marlena ran two fingers down the side of his face, following the hollow of his cheek down to his lips.  She played her fingers thoughtfully over them for a moment before she spoke again.  “I’m sorry I never knew.  I’m sorry if I made it awkward for you.”

 

“I didn’t *want* you to know.”  He looked up at the ceiling as he spoke.  “We have had a wonderful friendship, Marlena.  And I knew that was only what you thought of me.  A good friend.  I didn’t want to risk that for some pipe dream.”

 

“Some pipe dream alright,” Marlena giggled as she cuddled up to him.  “I know you’re right; I just hate the thought that I ever caused you any pain.”  Eugene drew her into his arms, and she nuzzled his neck, feeling the vibrations as he spoke.

 

“Never any pain,” he said as Marlena began to kiss his throat.  “Intense *frustration* maybe.  But never pain….Ow!” 

 

Marlena looked up at him with wide-eyes, trying to suppress her chuckle as he recovered from the bite she had just given him.  His eyes narrowed for a moment and then Marlena shrieked with laughter as he rolled her over and began his own offensive on her neck.

******

John made his way back to the jeep which sat as an immobile watcher over its owner’s meditations.  He climbed into the vehicle and turned the key in the ignition, the dash coming to a harshly luminous life. John sat back in his seat and stared blankly into the distance as the radio began to hum.

 

The last time he had seen Marlena he had been taking the children to the zoo.  It had been just over a week ago, but it seemed like forever.  But every detail, every little movement, was etched in his memory.   He had stood behind her and she had visibly shivered.  He still had the same effect on her as she had on him, it was quite obvious.  But that didn’t mean she was ready to forgive him.

 

I turned around too late, to see the falling star, I fell asleep and never saw the sun go down.  

 

John sighed as the soothing music swirled around him, filling the car with dulcet tones and familiar sentiments.  I took your love for granted, thought luck was always on my side.  I turned around too late, and you were gone.  He looked to the east.  The sky was not yet lightening.  There would still be two hours before sunrise.  

 

So, give me one more chance, darlin’, if you care for me.  He turned the key and the engine caught.  Let me win your love, cos you were always there, for me.  The jeep backed away from the lake and turned onto the road. 

 

If you care for me,  

be there for me.

******

Eugene stopped for breath and looked at Marlena.

  

“Are you *sure* you aren’t going to regret this in the morning?”  he asked again in another moment of self-doubt.  Marlena smiled, understanding his nervousness and wondering if she wouldn’t be feeling the same way if the situation was reversed.  Tenderly she reached out and ran her fingers over the creases, scribed into his forehead.

 

“It *is* the morning sweetheart,” she whispered as she tried to wipe away his worry.  “I’m not going to regret this.  I know what I am doing and I’m loving every moment of it.”  She pressed herself close to him.  “I can’t wait to wake up with you.”

 

“We have to go to sleep first,” Q grinned impishly.

 

“We do?”  Marlena smiled innocently as one hand crept up the inside of Gene’s thigh.

 

Q caught her hand away before she could make him any more impatient than he already was.  Pinning it above her head with his right hand, he rolled her partially onto her back, and brought his mouth within inches of hers.  

 

“Are you trying to tempt me Dr. Evans?”  He lifted his eyebrows with the slightest hint of a smile.

Marlena swallowed, her heart hammering in her chest and tremors running through her body, suddenly and completely aroused by what this man could do to her with his eyes and silky-smooth voice.

 

“Would I do that?” she whispered with a tantalizing smile.

 

“Oh yes, I think you would.”  Without moving his eyes from her face, Eugene began to run his hand lightly up the outside of Marlena’s thigh and over her hip.  It graduated over her slightly rounded stomach and slid up and over her heavy breasts until his fingers came to rest at the hollow of her throat.

 

“I don’t think you *need* tempting Mr. Bradford,” Marlena whispered thickly.  “You seem to be doing fine without my help.”

 

“Oh no,” Q ran his hand up her arm to where he held her lightly with his other hand, his fingers meshed with hers, “you see, every time I look at you I’m tempted.  I just can’t help it.”  He raked her body with his eyes as if to emphasize what he was saying.

 

“You’re insatiable.”  The sexy laugh welled in Marlena’s throat.

 

“I have a lot of time to make up,” Eugene replied with a secretive smile before he ducked his head to the side of her throat.

 

Marlena’s return was lost in a moan as Gene began to feast on her soft skin, working his way up until he found her ear.  Taking her earlobe in his mouth, he began to play with it, sucking and working his tongue around it until Marlena began to wriggle.  She could feel his hot, moist breath against the side of her face and she gasped for breath as she felt the hot moisture around and in her ear.

 

She was left panting as he abruptly left that point of focus and moved downwards, his mouth searching out her breasts.  She fought weakly to get her hands free as Eugene teased her with his mouth.  He would hover above her, barely touching her and driving her fervor even higher so that she arched her back with the hunger and frustration.  And then finally he would give her what she wanted for several moments, just enough to heighten her body’s responses.  

 

A thought crossed Q’s mind as he played his tongue over his body.  He wasn’t using his powers to arouse her this time.  It was just him and her.  His insecurity took over again and he wondered what she was thinking.  Or more especially *who* she was thinking about.  He pulled himself up the bed and studied her face, wondering what he would find when she opened her eyes.  Gently he lay a delicate kiss on her lips, his heart pounding in his chest with nervousness.  Marlena’s lips searched out his with increasing fierceness and he found himself responding almost without conscious thought.

 

When the kiss ended, he pulled back, his eyes remaining closed for a long moment before he found the strength to open them.  Marlena was looking up at him, her eyes glowing.  And he saw in them, not John Black, as he had expected, but surprisingly, a reflection of himself.

 

It was in that moment that he was finally convinced that she really wanted to make love to him, not just as a means of wiping her mind momentarily of John, but because she really wanted to.  The knowledge filled his heart, and he couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face.

 

“What are you smiling at?”  Marlena chuckled.

 

“Why are you so nosy?” Gene shot back, unwilling to reveal his thoughts.

 

“It’s a professional hazard,” Marlena said as she worked her hand free from a distracted Q. 

 

“I’m sure it is,” agreed Q as he caught her hand up in his again and regarded it remembering how she had woven her fingers between his in his dream.  And how he had made love to her, just with his love for her and nothing else and how she had loved it.

With his decision, he tried to pull her hand back above her head, but Marlena was having none of it.  She knew what she wanted, and she didn’t want to wait.  

 

“No,” she commanded in a low voice as she pulled his hand down her body. 

 

Moving her legs apart, she brought Q’s hand between her thighs, sighing as she felt his fingers on her.

 

“See how much I want you?” she was almost pleading.  Q nodded imperceptibly and then, against Marlena’s expectations, slid down the bed until his mouth replaced his fingers, giving her a little of what she desired.

 

Marlena bit her lower lip as Eugene continued to tease her, lightly caressing her hot skin with his dancing tongue, producing even more dampness and more longing.  Finally, her moans made it out despite the effort to hold them in and her hips began to move in time with her partner’s rhythm.

 

Abruptly, Q ended his sweet torture of her and moved back up until his body was covering hers.  Taking each of her hands with his, he pinned them back over her head and leant down to brush his lips across hers.  Marlena was left panting with frustration as he lingered over her.  Q smiled and leaned down to kiss her again, this time more passionately.  

 

Marlena was so caught up in the kiss that she was caught completely by surprise as he forcefully entered her, moving his hips until he filled her completely.  She tensed for a moment and then broke the kiss with a groan of satisfaction as Q began to move within her.  Each breath brought an “Mmmm” to her lips as she began to lift her hips with Q’s thrusts.

 

It was a different feeling to their previous lovemaking.  The unreal intensity was not there, but in a way, it was better.  She could feel his damp body moving against hers and she could feel the force of his desire for her, increasing hers for his.  His eyes were closed, and she could see the concentration on his face and it turned her on even more.

 

Gripping his hips between her knees with some force, she took him by surprise as she rolled him onto his back.  Her hands were still entwined with his and she leaned forward on them to steady herself as she began to move astride him.

 

Q looked up in surprise and found his lust for her increasing tenfold as she swayed on top of him.  She was watching him with a half-smile on her face as she began to increase the pressure. She squeezed his hands as she closed her eyes in concentration and began to rotate her hips as she moved.  Q began to groan, and his cries rose with hers in the still room.

******

John stepped off the elevator in silence and headed for the door.  Taking out his key, he quietly inserted it in the lock and twisted it until the mechanism clicked.  Holding his breath, he opened the door and stepped into the silent apartment.  He closed the door behind him and quickly punched in the security code.

 

He stealthily climbed the stairs to the landing and stopped in each of the children’s rooms to blow a kiss to the sleeping cherubs.  To obsessed with his goal to notice that the door to the guest room was ajar, John stopped in front of Marlena’s room and rested his hand lightly against the cool wood.  The room was silent within, but he had no way of knowing if she were awake or asleep.  

 

He knew he had to take that chance.

 

As slowly and as quietly as he could, John twisted the door handle until it would turn no further and then taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open.

Chapter 51 –  Love In The Mourning

It’s the wrong game with the wrong chips

Though your lips are tempting they’re the wrong lips

They’re not his lips but they’re such tempting lips

That if some night you’re free

It’s alright, it’s alright with me

Cole Porter

The nausea boiled in John’s stomach, and he thought he might throw up.  He had taken a step inside Marlena’s bedroom before he had realized that Marlena was not asleep, and she was not alone.  The sight that had greeted him had been almost incomprehensible to him.  He loved Marlena more than it was fair or should be possible to love someone.  And he had thought he had known her better than anyone could.  But in that darkened room, she was making love to another man, and in that one moment, John felt everything he cared about slip away from him.

 

He stood stunned for several moments, half hidden from Marlena and Q’s view by the wall, as his bewildered mind tried to comprehend what was happening.   He was staring at them, his mind spinning, his world disintegrating around him but he barely saw them.  It was as though he was looking through a strangers eyes at two people he barely knew.  He saw them move in a slow sensual rhythm; their hands linked as they stared at each other.  Neither of them seemed aware that he was there.  It was almost as if he were as invisible, as *nothing* as he felt.

 

Marlena raised their paired hands, smiling at the way Eugene’s engulfed hers.  Using them as resistance, she altered her movements slightly.  Q gazed at her radiant face, her damp bangs plastered to her skin, her lips red and crushed by all the passionate kisses.

 

“My God you are so beautiful,” he murmured in awe.  “I want to give you everything I possibly can.  I want to make *every* experience you have more incredible than you’ve ever imagined.”

 

“Mmmm…. well, you’re already doing a pretty good job,” Marlena’s eyes sparkled.

 

“Even though this time it’s just us?”  He was still uncertain that he had done the right thing.  “You know I want this to be wondrous for you.  If you want I can…”

 

“Sshhh…”  Marlena smiled as she squeezed his hands.  “You’re just amazing and I feel so lucky to be here with you.  Yes, it was wonderful before, but now it’s even better.  Now it’s honest, it’s just you and I and how we feel about each other.  And that’s very special.  And *very* sexy.”

 

The small muscle in John’s cheek twitched madly as he watched Marlena lean over to kiss Q.  Q’s hands loosened from Marlena’s and buried themselves in her tousled hair as he kissed her deeply, their movements becoming intense and more passionate.   John turned away and pressed his fingers to his mouth, trying to quell the bile that burnt his throat.  In his worst nightmares he could have never imagined that she could do this, turn her back on everything they had meant to each other.  And like this.

 

He grimaced as in the blackness of his mind the image of Eugene’s hands on Marlena tortured him without pity.  Eugene, who had once been his friend and had professed to want to help him.  Who knew the truth about the baby that Kristen was carrying.  And who was obviously taking advantage of Marlena’s kind and trusting nature.

 

Part of John was tempted to march into the room and demand to know what the hell they thought they were doing with his children only feet away.  But another, more rational facet knew that he had no right to do that to Marlena.  After all he had put her through with Kristen, he had no right to demand a say in her life, to expect that she stay true to him.  He had no rights at all, and he had only himself to blame.  She had told him that their relationship was over.  So, now, at last he came to a final and painful realization that she had really meant it.

 

The noises from the room behind him were rising, and each moan scorched his heart, feeling as though it might physically wound him.  Even seeing her with Roman when he had thought she might be pregnant with his child, even that hadn’t hurt as much as the need and desire in Marlena’s voice as she called a name that was not his.

 

John thought he might scream, to drown out the distressing sounds, but with a clenched fist and a supreme effort at self-will, he instead turned and quietly closed the door.  The moment the mechanism clicked into its slot, the room became, once again, deceptively silent.  

 

With tears burning at his eyes, he lurched down the stairs, fumbling for the keys in his pocket.  As he pulled them out at the base of the staircase, a tiny gold strawberry tumbled from his pocket to the ground and rolled, unseen, into the corner.

******

Neither Marlena not Eugene heard or saw anything of the unexpected visitor to the penthouse.  Neither of them saw the door open into the darkened room.  Neither of them saw John’s horrified eyes as he became an unwilling voyeur to a scene that none of them had ever anticipated.  And neither of them had heard the quiet click of the door as it closed, too intent on each other to know that the terrible sequence of misunderstandings was now perpetuating itself with alarming consequences.

 

As their lovemaking became more frenetic, Marlena wasn’t terribly surprised to find herself on her back again.  Q slowed his pace, moving in long, measured strokes while he mesmerized her with his eyes.  Marlena returned his gaze, staring deep into the hazel eyes that reflected hers.  Loosening one of her hands that had again been caught up in his, Marlena ran her fingernails lightly over the muscles in his back.  Gene murmured his approval as she lifted her thighs, her feet finding their way between his knees.  His free hand swept downwards and searched out the underside of her thigh, urging her to bring her legs up even further.

 

The change in position and pressure caused Marlena to whimper as she felt Eugene reach even deeper inside her, moving to the tempo established by Marlena’s shallow breaths.  She reached up and began to kiss his neck again, the kisses turning into nibbles and then bites as, little by little, she began to lose her self-control.  

 

Pulling himself away from her, Q’s mouth searched hers out, trying to drink her in, to be totally captivated by what she was doing to his body.  They were both gasping for breath as Marlena finally pulled away, pressing herself to him and whispering her pleasure into his ear, over and over.

******

John left the building at almost a sprint.  It was only moments before he was safely in his jeep, slamming the door behind him as though it would ward off the terrible visions that were pursuing him like tormenting ghouls.  He began to shake as he slumped down behind the thick steering wheel, the reality of what had happened hammering at his consciousness.  He was almost tempted to pinch himself.  If he had dreamed about Marlena before, why couldn’t this just be a dreadful nightmare?

 

But he knew it wasn’t.  Because the pain and despair were too real and too overwhelming for this to possibly be an illusion created by his own insecurities.  

 

John clutched at the wheel before him with his hands, trying to stop the shaking that wracked his body and the devastation that bled his soul.  

 

It was over.

******

As he moved, Eugene could feel Marlena’s breaths moisten his ear as she continued to whisper her words of passion and lust, driving him further in his quest to bring her pleasure.  His movements hastened as her excitement grew, each of them driven by the hunger of the other.

 

Marlena arched her back involuntarily as Q began to call her name, her fingernails digging small grooves into the skin of his back as she clung to him.  Q watched her throw her head back, her face flushed, and her lips parted, and felt the heaving of her chest under him as she panted.  Breathing heavily himself, he closed his own eyes as he concentrated on bringing her to her orgasm.

 

Marlena was almost sobbing with the divine feeling as the mutual movements developed into an extraordinary climax. Eugene felt her tense beneath him and then her hips began to drive upwards, her muscles contracting as she screamed noiselessly.  Her reaction was enough to deprive him of his self-control and he found the pitch of his orgasm matching hers in intensity as they acquiesced to the sensations that overtook them.

******

John still shook as he stared out into the darkness, one hand clutching desperately at the hair at the base of his neck.  He had been stunned into inaction and he could not for the life of him, move from the spot in front of Marlena’s building, even though the despair was threatening to choke him.

 

His eyes fixed unseeingly on the streetlamp in front of him, almost blinding him, but he could not feel that pain.  All that was within him now was a numbing sorrow, a feeling that he had let his life slip through his open fingers to float off into the uncaring chasm of the future.

 

Lost.  And still losing.

 

He shook his head, blinking tears from his tired eyes.  He couldn’t believe she would do that.  That she would turn to Eugene Bradford.  John had sensed that she had been attracted to him, but to go to bed with him so soon after she had ended *their* relationship?  

 

He couldn’t understand it.  That wasn’t Marlena.  She had waited for him for four years after Roman had left her and John knew she had barely looked at another man during that whole time.  And now she was in Eugene’s bed only a few months after she had exiled John from her life.  It didn’t make sense.  Or at least John didn’t want it to make sense.

 

His mind turned to Eugene.  Or ‘Q’ as he called himself.  He ran quickly over the events since Q’s arrival.  He had made no secret of what he thought of John and his feelings for Marlena had always been obvious, at least to everyone except Marlena herself.    How could he not have wanted to claim Marlena for his own, given that he had the power and the knowledge to win her in an unfair fight.  And maybe that had been his intention all along.

 

John thumped the steering wheel in frustration.  He had known the threat that Eugene presented but he had done *nothing*.  Eugene had tried to encourage him to win Marlena back, he knew, but now he realized that the other man had always made the inside running.  He had known what he wanted, and he had obviously known how to get it.  And now he had Marlena and John’s family, and John had nothing but memories and regrets.

******

Marlena sighed as she stretched lazily, running one hand down the other arm which was extended over her head.

 

“Mmmmm,” a small smile crossed her lips.  “You really know how to show a girl a good time don’t you?”

 

“Only if the girl is worth it,” Q brushed her damp hair from her forehead and kissed it lovingly.

 

Marlena responded by rolling on her side and molding herself against him.  She trailed her fingers lightly down his arm in thought.

 

“You know, Trista told me several times that you were a devastating lover,” she unsuccessfully tried to cover a throaty chuckle.  “I never believed her.”

 

She felt him stiffen and looked up at his face, surprised by the troubled look.

 

“I’m sorry,” she offered quietly, immediately regretting her words.  “I’m sorry that I said that.”

 

“Trista?” Eugene repeated in a small voice.  Marlena felt her heart jump inexplicably.

 

“Trista.  You know,” she smiled waveringly, unsure of where the problem lay, “my cousin, your wife.”  She paused, her eyes downcast, “I’m sorry.”

 

Q swallowed heavily.

 

“Why are you sorry?” he asked, not understanding.

 

“I know how hard Trista’s death was on you.”  Marlena looked up expecting to see the remnants of grief in Eugene’s eyes.  Instead, all she saw was more confusion.

 

“Gene?” she asked, taking his hand in hers.  “What’s wrong?”

******

The tinny sound of the telephone squealing roused Kristen out of her dream.  She cursed as the baby began to kick again, wakened it seemed, by her movements.

 

“Cut it out you brat,” she hissed as she rolled over, her eyes bleary with clinging sleep.  She wasn’t sleeping well these days, the last thing she needed was to be woken this early in the morning.

 

She peered at the clock and made out that it was close to five in the morning.  Angrily, she snatched up the portable and fell back into her pillows.

 

“What!?” she snapped crabbily as the baby continued its soccer match inside her belly.

 

“Hey Sis.”  

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing calling at this time of the morning?”  Kristen muttered irritably.

 

“I have news Krissie.  About John.”  Peter’s tone piqued Kristen’s interest.

 

“And that would be….?”

 

“Apparently he went driving tonight.  In the middle of the night.”  Peter’s cryptic response did nothing to improve Kristen’s mood, but she played along.

 

“And where did he drive to Peter?”  she asked as pleasantly as she could.

 

“Well, it would seem that he ended up at Marlena’s.”  Peter told her. 

 

“He did *what*?”  Kristen was suddenly panicked.  What if Marlena had confronted him with what she had seen, and he had told her the truth.

 

“It’s okay Krissy,” Peter attempted to soothe her fears.  “He didn’t stay for long.  Apparently, he went into the building and came out about ten or fifteen minutes later.  And he wasn’t exactly happy when he did.”

 

“Is that right?”  Kristen raised her eyebrows.  Unfortunately, she had no way of knowing what went on in Marlena’s penthouse apartment.  But the man Peter had trailing John obviously had seen enough to  hint that whatever had gone on, it had upset John.  

 

“How exactly unhappy was he?”

“Exactly *very* unhappy.”  Kristen could hear the smile in Peter’s voice.  She knew he wanted John to suffer for what he had done to her and their family.  “My informant tells me that whatever upset John has to be pretty major.  I’d say Kristen, that you may yet have won the battle.”

 

“Or even the war.” Kristen murmured.  She was thoughtful for a moment and then the baby decided that it was time to get in some goal practice with her diaphragm.   “Thanks Peter, I’d better go now, I’ll call you later, okay?”  

 

Kristen wound up the conversation quickly and then pressed the power button on the portable.  A smile brightened her face as she considered this latest twist.  Now all she had to do was make it work for her.

 

Turning on the bedroom light, she yawned as she crossed the room.  She may as well get up and have a shower now.  This baby seemed to consider its God-given task to keep her awake twenty-four hours a day and she couldn’t see this morning being any different.

******

The two darkened figures stood half hidden by the bushes as they looked up.  The sun would be rising soon.  The light came on in an upstairs room, and the figure of a woman passed the curtained window.  One of the figures started towards the house.  The second man put his hand on the shoulder of the first, stilling him.

 

“Not yet.”  He censured the first.  “You must be patient if you want this to succeed.”  The shoulder relaxed under his touch.  “Good, good.  Now we have work to do.”  

 

Without a sound the pair left the garden to the awakening birds.

******

“Marlena,” Gene whispered painfully, “I don’t remember Trista.”

 

“You don’t remember?”  Marlena was confused for a moment until she remembered his arrival in Salem at the end of the summer.  She brushed the hair out of her face and pressed her lips together for a moment.  “Gene, how much do you remember about your time in Salem?”

 

Q looked at her, a slightly ashamed expression flitting across his face.

 

“Not much actually.” He admitted.  “Oh, I remember places and odd people since I have met them again, but to be quite honest I can’t remember a whole lot about my life here.”  He sighed and rolled onto his back, studying the ceiling to avoid Marlena’s inquisitive eyes.  “It was a long time ago for me Marlena.  And often memories are just subsumed by the Continuum, supposedly in the need for stability.  I guess it happened and a learnt my lessons, I just didn’t need to remember *how* I learnt my lessons.”

 

“But you remembered me,” Marlena propped her head on her elbow.

 

“Yes,” Q smiled, “I certainly did, though if you remember, I didn’t actually remember you when I arrived in town.”

 

“And I thought you were crazy,” Marlena had the grace to blush as she laughed.  “But I don’t understand why you remembered me so fast but you barely remember anything else.”  She paused.  “What about Calliope?”

 

“What?”

 

“Not what, who.”  Marlena told him softly.  “Calliope Jones.  Your third wife.”

 

“My *third* wife?” Eugene repeated, more than a little surprised.  

 

“Actually, your fourth if you count our marriage,” Marlena laughed as she ran her hand over his 

chest. “But then I guess we can’t really count that because I was still married to Roman.”

 

“Hmmm,” Q began to play his fingers through her hair.  “I remember *that*.  And I remember Roman.  I remember Roman because he had what I wanted.”

 

“What was that?” Marlena whispered, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

 

“You.”  

 

Q took a deep breath and then turned away again.  “I couldn’t forget you Marlena, no matter how hard I tried.  It was centuries later, and I could still see your face in my dreams.  I’d think I’d almost forgotten and then something would remind me.  And it could be the tiniest of things, a word, a voice….”  he smiled ruefully.  “I suppose that I really didn’t want to forget.  Otherwise, I would have gotten as far as I could from humans altogether.”

 

“Oh Gene.”  Marlena sighed, not knowing what to say to his revelations.

 

“Hey,” Gene moved onto his side so that he was facing her, “no regrets here.  Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.”

 

“But-“

 

“No.” Q put his finger to her lips, silencing any protestations of guilt that she might be about to come forth with.  “Whatever happened, it happened.  No point in getting worked up over it.  There was never anything either of us could have done.”  He drew his finger over her chin and down her throat and then placed a delicate kiss on her lips, eliciting a slight shiver from Marlena.  “Being your friend was enough for me.”

 

He drew the blanket over their cooling bodies as Marlena snuggled closer.

 

“You’ve been a wonderful friend,” she murmured.  “I don’t know if I could ever thank you for all you’ve done for me.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Gene told her.  Then he looked down with a smile.  “On second thoughts, you *can* thank me if you like.  How about a kiss?”

******

John felt the tears dripping down his cheeks before he even knew he was crying.  He had been trying so hard to keep it in, but it was too overwhelming.  All he could think was that he had lost Marlena forever, and it was all his fault. 

 

It had only been several months ago that he had made love to Marlena, in the same bed she was now sharing with Eugene.  It had been him that she had smiled at with that intimate twinkle in her eyes, him that she had laughed with…his lips that she had kissed.  And it had been his name that she had called so passionately when they had made love.

 

The scene in the penthouse came flooding back to him, even as he tried to shut it out of his mind.  It seemed, infuriatingly that although he had hardly been seeing it at the time, his mind had seemed to meticulously store away ever detail.  He could see her tousled hair, the way her body moved slowly and sensuously, and he could hear her voice.  He could hear the passion as she cried out and he couldn’t help but compare it to her reaction to his lovemaking.

 

She had always been vocal in her enjoyment of their bedtime activities, but for the life of him, John couldn’t recall her sounding like she had with Q.  Like he really was giving her the most incredible experience of her life, and she was loving every moment of it.  John, mired deep in his suffering, wondered how he could ever compete with that

 

As he sat, stranded in front of Marlena’s building, his mind worked in circles, wondering where he had gone wrong, what it was he had done that had finally compelled Marlena to give up on him.  His sobs felt as though they were choking him as his thoughts became more convoluted and distorted, his mind making the defensive leap from guilt to blame with almost no effort.

 

He looked up at Marlena’s building as he wiped away his tears and wondered exactly why it was that she had chosen to sleep with Eugene Bradford, given the fact that John had felt he had been making headway with her last time they had met.  He couldn’t understand why she would give off those signals, to encourage him if she had felt there was no chance.  Unless….

 

He shook his head.  Marlena wouldn’t do that.  Surely.

 

But still his mind disfigured the truth, trying to find reasons where there were none and it was not long before the grief that John was feeling metamorphosed into the anger of the wronged.  And as the anger took over in defense, John slowly lost all sense of proportion, the hurt causing him to lash out at the one person who he should have known would never intentionally cause him any pain.

 

In his enraged despair, John began to wonder if this wasn’t some sort of revenge on Marlena’s behalf.  Retribution, or payback for all the pain he had cause her with Kristen.  Wouldn’t it just be so easy for her to invite Eugene into her bed, knowing how much it would kill John to find out that he had been replaced so easily and so fast.  She could have even been stringing him along, all this time, pretending to be swayed by his gifts and his protestations of love, giving him hope and then snatching it away when he was so close that he could feel her in his arms.

 

The conversation that he had overheard up in the penthouse came back to haunt him at that moment.  It was wonderful before, but now it’s even better.  This was obviously not the first time they had made love.  How long had it been going on?  How long had they been making a fool of him?

 

John thumped the heels of his palms on the steering wheel once again, this time in anger, wondering how he could have been so stupid as to not see what was going on in front of his very eyes.  With thin lips, he snatched up the keys from where they lay sprawled on the passenger seat and started up the jeep.

******

“Mmmmm, you are so incredible,” Marlena sighed as she laid in Q’s arms.  “I don’t think I remember ever feeling so totally glorious.”

 

“I’m glad,” Q kissed her forehead through the damp blonde hair.  “You know I’d do anything for you.”

 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Marlena asked with a little amusement.

 

“Beats me.” Q chuckled.

 

Marlena pulled the blanket to her as she half sat up, propped up by pillows.

 

“Well, whatever it is, I’m glad.”  Marlena smiled to herself as she watched her fingers move over Eugene’s shoulder and chest.  “There is obviously much more to you than meets the eye Mr. Bradford, and I’m not talking about this totally unreal talent you have.”  Her eyes softened her smile.  “You’re a good man Gene.  Don’t ever forget that.”  She lay back down on the bed next to him as he looked at her thoughtfully.

 

“What I still don’t understand,” Q said as he rolled onto his back, “is why you suddenly decided this was a good idea.  Let’s be honest sweetheart, you never looked at me twice before.  What makes now so different?”  He turned his head to the side to look at her.  “Was it merely circumstance?  Was it just that I was here at the right time?”

 

“No!”  Marlena exclaimed immediately.  “No, it’s not like that.”  

 

As she paused to collect her thoughts, Q softly ran his finger down her cheek.

 

“I’m not accusing you of anything Marlena, and I’m certainly not complaining,” he smiled slightly, “it’s just that I am aware that you don’t *love* me, at least not in the way you love John.”  He felt her jump slightly at the mention of the name and his anger at John flared again momentarily.

 

Marlena took a deep breath and contemplated her fingernails.

 

“I do love you Gene,” she said huskily, “but I guess you are right.  It is different to the way I loved John.  But then,” she sighed, “all my love for John seems to have done is to cause myself and everyone else pain.  There comes a time when you have to realize that the only thing to do is to let go and move on.  As trite as it sounds.”

 

“Are you sure that what you’re doing is moving on?” Q asked uneasily.  “Have you really thought it through?”

“I don’t see what there is to think through,” Marlena said almost airily.  “And if you’re suggesting this is some sort of revenge, you couldn’t be further from the truth.”  She tucked her arm under the pillow as she tried to explain her feelings to her new lover.  

 

“It’s not that I don’t love John anymore Gene, I know that you wouldn’t believe me if I said otherwise.  I’ve just had my life on hold for him for such a long time now that I suppose I couldn’t see anything else in my future.  But I think that maybe you made me realize over the last few months that I don’t have to deny myself a happy future.”  She brushed her hair out of her eyes as she continued as dispassionately as possible.  “I always thought the strength of our love would get John and I through anything.  But it turns out that love isn’t as strong as I thought it was.  And I can’t waste the rest of my life pining away after a man when I am obviously not his first priority.  I’m worth more than that.”  

 

Q looked at her, his hazel eyes compassionate.  He could see the turmoil behind the facade she built, even if she was denying it to herself.

 

“Then isn’t this too soon?”  He shook his head, trying to find the right words.  “I don’t know what happened tonight with John and I’m not going to pry, but I’m just afraid that you aren’t thinking about the consequences here and that you’re going to get hurt.”

 

“Or you are.”  Marlena added softly.

 

“The thought had crossed my mind,” Q admitted.  

 

Marlena looked down for a moment, her expression thoughtful.

 

“Eugene, neither of us can predict what is going to happen here.  There is a chance that one or both of us will be hurt, but if you’re willing to take that chance, then so am I.”  Her earnest look dissolved into a smile, and she ran her finger down his arm.  “I do care about you a lot, Gene.  I couldn’t do this if I didn’t.  The circumstances certainly have something to do with it, but you’re not just someone I chose to sleep with to forget my troubles.  You’re a wonderful person, you make me laugh, you’re there for me when I cry and you’re wonderful with the children.”  Her smile grew.  “And I think you’re very sexy.”

 

“Regular little mutual admiration society we have happening here,” Q said ironically.

 

“It’s the truth.”  Marlena’s shoulders formed a delicate shrug.  “I want to get on with my life.  I’ve made mistakes and now I realize that I can’t go back and change them.  And I can’t turn back time and make John into the man he once was.  So now it’s me and if you really want me and you’re willing to give this a try, it’s you too.  I think we both know that I can’t commit to a long-term relationship right away, but we can see where it goes from here.  Of course,” she added with a cheeky smile, “it’s a fait accompli really, because we’re here and it’s done.  No going back now.”

 

Q wanted nothing more than to tell her that he wasn’t just willing to give this a try, but that he loved her hopelessly and he would go to the ends of the universe and back if she wanted him to, but he couldn’t.  Instead, he gently cupped her cheek in his palm and kissed her.

 

“Anything you want,” he whispered with a broad smile, tracing the outline of her lips with his index finger. 

 

“Anything?” Marlena whispered back, suddenly finding herself tingling again under his gaze.

“Anything.”

 

“Then make love to me again,” she demanded before she caught his lips up with hers.

******

John thrust his key angrily into the lock of the loft door and pounded his fist on the metal in frustration as it refused to open.  Finally, with a deep breath, he calmed himself enough to unlock and slide open the heavy door.  

 

Pulling it closed behind him, John dropped his keys on the bench and went to the window.  Neither the cobalt blue of the early dawn sky, nor the sweet notes from the birds could soothe his pain.  He felt as if he were raw, his emotions red and blistered but unable to be shielded from the pain.

 

He walked wearily to the couch and fell into the softness it offered him.  He had no idea what to do next.  With no warning, he had been robbed of his reason for getting up in the morning and he was lost.  What Stefano had always tried to do; they had finally done to themselves.

******

Marlena and Eugene made love again, this time slowly and tenderly, taking the time to explore each other, to laugh, to kiss and to love.  Finally, when it was over, and they lay contented and sated in each other’s arms, Marlena realized that the sun was rising.  Q suggested that maybe they should try and get some sleep, knowing that neither of them would be able to help it very shortly.

 

“Oh Gene,” Marlena couldn’t help but yawn, “what about the children?”

 

“Let me take care of that,” Q noiselessly brushed his thumb past his middle finger.  “There now,” he smiled, “they won’t wake up until we do.”

 

“Mmmmm… what a wonderful thought.”  Marlena leaned over Q to set her alarm clock.  She knew she couldn’t sleep all day, as much as she wanted to.  She settled down into Q’s arms and he pulled the comforter over them.

 

It was within moments that Q felt Marlena relax against him, her breaths becoming shallow and regular.  Wrapping his arm around her, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

******

John rocked his head back and looked at the ceiling, the breaths searing his lungs as the tears stung his tired, bloodshot eyes.  As he lowered his head again to wipe his face, the fireplace caught his eye.  Pushing himself up from the couch, John staggered to the mantlepiece and picked up a framed picture of Marlena.

 

His despair as he stared at it was suddenly overcome with a flash of rage as he remembered what he had seen and heard.  He didn’t even know what he was doing as he threw the picture at the wall, the glass shattering and littering the floor with brilliant shards.  

 

Not caring for the moment what happened, John snatched the picture out of the smashed wooden frame.  Tears falling from his eyes so fast that they blinded him, his fingers closed around the picture, his knuckles whitening as the image crumpled under the unrelenting pressure.

 

Unable to control his pain, the anger protecting him momentarily from the wretchedness that he would soon feel, John tore at the picture.  Marlena’s beautiful face ripped apart as the paper split under his hands.  

 

It was a moment before he realized what he had done as he looked down at his achievement in shock.  Shaking uncontrollably, John sank to the floor, his sobbing frantic, as he desperately tried to put the pieces of the tattered picture back together.

 

But it was beyond repair.

 

Chapter 52 – A Fraction Too Much Friction

Marlena groaned as the brassy ring of the phone interrupted a beautiful dream.  With effort she pried one eye open, but her field of view was blocked.  A slow smile slid onto her face as she felt the warm arms that still enclosed her in a slumberous embrace.  She lifted her head and peered over the man that lay next to her.  

 

The time on the clock was enough to shake her complete consciousness as she registered the fact that it was after nine-thirty in the morning.  With a sigh, she reached over to the other bed stand and picked up the phone.

 

“Hello?” she greeted the caller softly, hoping not to wake Eugene.

 

“Marlena dear, I didn’t know if you’d be there or not.  It’s Caroline,” the older woman explained breezily.  “I just wanted to let you know that Shawn and I are on our way around to pick up the children.”

 

“The children?” Marlena asked with some measure of confusion as she ran her palm up over her forehead, brushing her hair out of the way.

 

“The camping trip.”  Marlena could almost hear the smile in Caroline’s voice.  “Remember, we arranged it weeks ago.”

 

“Oh Caroline!”  Marlena’s eyes widened in dismay.  “Oh gosh, I had totally forgotten.”

 

Next to her, Q stirred.  Marlena took the opportunity to slide out of his arms and to the edge of the bed.  She swung her legs out over the side of the bed and she pulled the sheet to her as she sat up.

 

“It’s alright dear,” Caroline was saying.  “I know that your mind was on other things.  I took the liberty of packing the children’s bags last night.  Before Eugene got home.”  Marlena noted the frostiness in Caroline’s voice as she said Eugene’s name.

 

“That’s very sweet of you.”  Marlena tried to quell the twinge of anxiety she felt as she realized that the family may be less than happy with the recent turn of events.

 

“We’ll be around shortly.”  Caroline said cheerily.  “We’ll see you then.”

 

“I-, Caroli-”  Marlena’s protestations came too late as the ominous click sounded on the other end of the line.  “Oh no!”  Marlena stared at the phone in shock for a moment.

 

“What’s up?”  A soft touch on her bare back and the voice from behind made her jump slightly.  She turned round to see Eugene’s concerned face.

 

“Oh Gene.”  She dropped the phone on the bed as her brow creased.  “That was Caroline, she’s on her way around to pick up the kids for their camping trip.  She’ll be here any minute.”  Marlena’s eyes were wide with horror as she contemplated what she would have to do to ready the children for their trip with their grandparents.  “Oh *man*.  What am I going to do?”

“What you are *not* going to do is panic.” Q told her as he sat up, pulling the sheet with him.  “It’s alright, we’ll have them ready, and I’m sure the Brady’s can wait a few minutes while the kids wash their faces.”

 

“Mmmm…  The voice of reason.”  Marlena smiled as she relaxed slightly.  “Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?”

 

“Not in the last hour or so,” Q grinned mischievously.

 

“Mmmm, well…..”  Marlena slid across the bed towards him and ran her finger across his lower lip.  Then she leaned towards him until her lips were inches from his.  “Hold that thought,” she whispered with a teasing smile before she turned and slid off the bed.

 

Q watched her lasciviously as she pulled a maroon silk robe from the chair and wrapped it around her slender frame

 

“That’s fine, as long as I get to hold more than the thought later,” he raised his eyebrows.

 

“Play your cards right Mr. Q and you never know.”  Marlena winked before she saw the clock on the bedstand.  “Ohhh, I think we’d better get those children moving.”

******

Carrie was woken by her own sneeze.  She opened two bleary eyes to a riotous jumble of color in front of her face.  As she focused, she realized that they were flowers, and that behind them, there was Austin, a smile on his face.

 

“Hey baby,” he said softly.  “Morning.”  He leaned over and kissed her.  Carrie regarded him with surprise before another sneeze took her by surprise.  Austin laid the flowers on the bedstand and handed Carrie a soft tissue.

 

Carrie blew her nose, never taking her eyes off Austin as he sat on the edge of the bed.  She sat up in the bed, hugging her knees to her in a gesture of defense.

 

“Wha-, what’s this for Austin?” she asked cautiously.  After the mood swings from the last few days, she wasn’t sure exactly what he would come out with this time.

 

“I wanted to apologize Carrie,” Austin took a deep breath as he saw Carrie chewing her lip.  “I know I haven’t exactly been supportive the last few days.”  He looked down at his hands, unable to confront the hurt he knew lurked in Carrie’s eyes.  “It all came as a bit of a shock, and I know I haven’t handled it very well.”  He forced himself to look at his wife again.  “I know I hurt you and I am really sorry Carrie.  I don’t know what’s been wrong with me lately.”

 

“It’s okay Austin.”  Carrie smiled tentatively.  It really wasn’t alright, but she couldn’t bear Austin when he was moody and it was far easier to let the tension go and make up with him.  She held her hand out in a gesture of forgiveness and Austin took it with a smile.  There were no words as they hugged, both thankful that an awkward and potentially divisive moment of their lives had passed without too much incident.  Or so they thought.

 

Austin sat back on the bed and smiled at his young wife until she made the error of continuing the conversation.

 

“I just didn’t understand why you were so upset when it was you that was talking about having a family to begin with.”  It was as though a mask had fallen across Austin’s face as his smile fell.  Carrie stiffened in reaction to the sudden change in Austin’s demeanor.

 

Obviously, this was not yet over.

******

The sound of the doorbell rang through the penthouse as Marlena finished tying Belle’s shoelaces.  She shot a nervous look at Q who was carrying a giggling Brady around on his shoulders.

 

“It’s alright,” Q answered her unspoken plea.  “You go down and we’ll finish up here.  I’m sure we’ll only be a couple of minutes.”

 

“Go Mommy!” Belle commanded.  “Gwanma’s waitin’.”

 

Belle’s dictatorial tone elicited a laugh from Marlena.

 

“Is that right?” She asked with a grin as she stood.

 

“Dat’s wight.”  Belle nodded as she jumped off the bed and put her hands on her hips in an imitation of her mother.  “You go.  We be wight dere.”

 

“Okay, okay.”  Marlena laughed again and then brushed the bangs from her daughter’s forehead.  She dropped a kiss there and then turned to Q, a question on her lips.

 

“Just *go*,” Q told her as the doorbell sounded again, a grin unsuccessfully smothered before she turned away.  Marlena threw him a look that told him he’d keep and then made her way out of the room and down to the front door.

 

She stood in front of the door for several moments, trying to prepare herself for the inevitable barrage of questions.  She just wasn’t sure at all that she could cope with that right now.  The mere thought of John was enough to make her feel queasy, talking about him was totally off her agenda.  But right now, she really had no choice other than to try and tough it through and avoid any questions that Caroline might feel like asking.  

 

She took a deep breath and pasted a smile on her face as she was more than accustomed to doing lately and unlocked the door.  In her flustered state, she didn’t even notice that the alarm was no longer set.

 

“Hello dear,” Caroline greeted her ex-daughter-in-law with a kiss and then looked past her, expecting to see the children.

 

“Hi Caroline,” Marlena squeezed the older woman’s hand.  “They’ll be down in just a minute.”

 

It was a moment before Caroline really took note of Marlena’s appearance.  In contrast to her normal neatness, she looked almost disheveled, not like Marlena at all.  It looked as though she had quickly pulled a comb through her tousled hair and her face was red, her lips bruised looking.  A robe was loosely wrapped around her curves but it didn’t rise high enough to hide the tell-tale red marks that had risen on the usually unblemished skin of her neck.  She seemed a little disoriented, but Caroline surmised, that would be only to be expected given the circumstances.

 

The red-headed woman smiled to herself.  It seemed as if Marlena’s visit to John’s last night had gone better than expected.  However, before she could inquire as to John’s whereabouts, Belle and Brady came barreling down the stairs.

 

“Gwanma!”  Belle hurled herself into her grandmother’s arms just as Shawn appeared in the doorway.

 

“Well, what do we have here?” he asked with a grin.  Brady, who had, with Belle’s blossoming independence, lately become the shier of the two children, climbed into Shawn’s arms for a hug.  

 

“You two ready to go campin’?”  The little boy nodded his head with a wide grin.  

 

“Well, how about I take the two of you kiddies downstairs then?” Shawn suggested, also having observed Marlena’s appearance and knowing his wife well enough to realize that she wouldn’t be happy unless she managed to get some sort of information out of Marlena.

 

“Yeah!”  Belle nodded her head and immediately headed for her bag which was a little heavy for her to carry.  Instead, she dragged it across the floor back to the door and stomped her foot on the ground.  “Wight!  Wet’s go.”

 

“Uh-uh,”  Marlena couldn’t help but laugh as she watched her feisty little daughter.  “Do you have a kiss for your Momma before you go?”

 

Brady was the first to scramble down from his grandfather’s arms, Belle in hot pursuit.  Their mother crouched down and pulled them into her arms.  

 

“Mmmmm,” she sighed, “I’m going to miss you two.”

 

“We’ll miss you too Mommy,” Brady told her in an almost whisper, his eyes holding a seriousness that reminded her painfully of his father.  

 

Tears inexplicably filled Marlena’s eyes as she hugged them tightly.  It was a moment before she could let go of them.

 

“You both just have a wonderful time.  You probably won’t even think of me.”  She kissed the children in turn and then turned them around.  “I’ll be here waiting for you when you come home.”  

 

“Okay then kiddies,” Shawn picked up Belle’s bag and Brady’s bag that was still against the wall where Q had placed them earlier and slung them over his shoulder.  “Time to go!”  The children followed him from the apartment, turning as they waited for the elevator to wave at their mother.  Marlena blew them a kiss and then they were gone.

******

Sami put the plate of toast in front of Will who had his eyes glued to Barney.  The offensive purple dinosaur was dancing on the television screen four feet away and as much as Sami hated him, he was a welcome diversion for her son at the moment.

 

Setting her cup on the table, she sat gingerly on the couch and held her head in her hands for a moment.  It had been an awful night.  Will had fallen victim to an ear infection and the antibiotics had not yet kicked in.  As a consequence, he had ended up being so miserable that he had wanted to spend the night in bed with his mother.

 

It was a luxury that Samantha allowed from time to time.  Being a single mother, it was a comfort to her as well.  There was nothing more consoling or wonderful than curling up in a warm bed with your child and Sami felt that as long as she didn’t let it happen too often, there was no harm in it.

 

But last night had been a terrible night.  Will had woken up it seemed every half hour, crying with the pain and his sobs just tore through his mother.  Sami would hold him and whisper soothing words of comfort until he fell asleep again.  Then it seemed, the moment she had drifted off to sleep, Will would wake again.

 

She lifted her head as Will laughed at the TV and picked up the coffee in her chilled hands.  She held it under her nose, breathing in the delicious aroma of the steaming brew needing something, anything, to wake her up and fortify her for the day ahead.  Will seemed happy enough now, but later could be anyone’s guess.

 

She sat back against the lumpy seat and sighed softly as she closed her eyes.  No-one had ever told her that parenting only got harder as the children got older.  Or at least if they had, she knew she hadn’t listened.  Sometimes she just longed for that freedom from responsibility again, the carefree days that she should be having now instead of just existing with her son in a shabby apartment like this.  She should have the world in front of her.  She should have finished school and gone to college.  She was intelligent and attractive, and she should have plenty of opportunities.  Instead, she was stuck in a nowhere place, throwing her life away in pursuit of a man that didn’t even want to know her.

 

Baby Bop’s obnoxious whine forced Sami to open her eyes in time to see Will smile again at the television screen and she immediately berated herself for wishing her son away, even momentarily.  There was nothing and no-one in this world that she loved more, and it was up to her to make a great life for both of them.  She just wasn’t going to do it sitting around this dump.

 

Her train of thought was interrupted by a sharp rap on the front door of the apartment.  She frowned as she looked at her watch and got up from her seat.  Flicking a quick glance at her son as she went, she walked to the door.  Instinct told her to leave the safety chain on as she unlocked and opened the door.  

 

Her eyes narrowed as she took in her visitor through the small opening.

 

“Oh, it’s you,” she said unwelcomingly.  “What do you want?”

******

“Austin?”  Carrie demanded, her anger and frustration at the situation getting the better of her.  “Austin you can’t apologize for something and continue acting the same as you were before.  I can’t deal with you like this on top of everything else.  We’re supposed to turn to each other and support each other.  Not shut each other out.”  She was almost surprised to see Austin’s expression fade into one of contrition.  It was a moment before he sighed and turned away.

 

“I’m sorry Carrie,” he said quietly.  “I guess when I mentioned it all that time ago, I hadn’t really thought about it.  I hadn’t thought it through properly.  A child is such a huge responsibility and I’m not sure that we…that *I’m* ready for it.”

 

Carrie watched her husband’s hunched profile for several moments, chewing on her lower lip as she did so.  Austin wouldn’t look at her.  Instead, he was fidgeting with his hands, an indeterminate mien about him.

 

“Why Austin?  Why aren’t you ready?”  she pressed knowing that this was the most important issue in their relationship to date and they had to resolve it, for the sake of their child and their marriage.  “We’re married and we bring in a good income between us.  We have plenty of love for a child, I just don’t see where the problem lies.”

 

“It’s not about money Carrie,” Austin disputed her comment.  “A child needs more than money.  It needs time and we both have jobs that demand a lot of our time.  Where does that leave a baby?  I barely have enough time to share with you.  I certainly don’t spend enough time with Will as it is.  I just don’t see where another child is going to fit into that equation.”  He pushed himself off the bed, his ire evidently increasing with the pressure he felt himself under.

 

“So, you’re saying that you’d rather be spending time with Will than with our child?  I don’t understand why it has to be a competition.  You don’t have to section your time and your love off into parcels Austin.”  Austin’s words had hit a sore spot, the spot that Sami had repeatedly rubbed to rawness.

 

“No Carrie, that’s not it at all.”  Austin’s voice rose in frustration.  “I want to give my children as much as I can.  And I know that it doesn’t have to be separately.  But with the way things are right now, I can’t see a way of giving my children what they deserve from me.”

 

Carrie pursed her lips again in an unconscious imitation of her mother Anna.

 

“Well, you’d better think of a way Austin, because I’m pregnant and whether you like it or not, this baby is a reality and it’s not going away.”  She took a deep breath and, as much as she hated it, she uttered the final ultimatum. “So, if you want out of this, I think you’d better tell me now.”

******

Marlena laughed and shook her head as she thought about her authoritative little daughter.

“I don’t know Caroline, it’s like I turned around for a moment and when I turned back, she was all grown up.  She’s just become *so* assertive!”  She smiled again as she wiped the stray tears from her cheeks.  “They’re something aren’t they?”

“They sure are.”  Caroline nodded her head in agreement with Marlena.  She couldn’t have loved the two tykes more if they had been her biological grandchildren.  She watched Marlena sigh and turn away to the living room.  “So, how are you dear?”

 

“Oh,” Marlena turned back with a bland encompassing smile, “I’m fine.”  She brushed her tangled hair off her face in a gesture of nervousness, not realizing that it exposed an even broader expanse of her bruised neck.

 

“You look a little tired,” Caroline probed indirectly, for Marlena did have circles under her eyes, a clear indication of her lack of sleep.

 

“Mmmm?” Marlena murmered distractedly.  She was itching for Caroline to go.  She knew she couldn’t deal with the questions that were bound to spill out any minute.  And the moment that Eugene walked down the stairs it was likely that Caroline would realize what was going on.  Marlena could well imagine her having an apoplectic fit at the very idea.  “I had a late night,” she answered vaguely.  She tried for a smile which Caroline, thinking she knew what was going on, took for embarrassment.  She probably wasn’t far from the truth, but for an entirely different reason.

 

Caroline looked thoughtful for a moment and then reached for Marlena’s hand.

“Marlena dear, why don’t we keep the children for a little longer than we arranged.  We could bring them back, say, at the end of the week.  That would give you a chance to catch up…” she paused and smiled knowingly, “…on some sleep.”

 

Marlena totally missed the intimation, immersed as she was, in her own thoughts.  It would, she realized quickly, waylay some awkward questions for the children about their daddy and what was happening, while she and Eugene tried to work out exactly what *was* happening with this new relationship they suddenly found themselves in.  She would miss the children, but it really sounded like a great idea right now.

 

“How does that sound?” Caroline prompted an answer from the silent and thoughtful Marlena.

 

“It sounds awfully good.”  Marlena let out a small laugh.  “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

 

“Of course not dear,” she looked up at the penthouse landing, almost expecting to see John standing there with a cheeky smile on his face and she was terribly tempted to ask Marlena where he was.  But, she decided, she had done enough interfering already.  Now was time to leave John and Marlena to enjoy their solitude.

 

“Alright then,” she said instead.  “We should be back from the camping trip by Tuesday.  We’ll keep the children at the pub until Friday.  If you want them back before then just give us a call, okay?”

“Oh Caroline,” Marlena smiled gratefully, her eyes crinkling at the corners.  “Gosh, a whole week.  Whatever will I do with myself?”

 

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be kept well occupied.”  Q’s laconic drawl drifted down the stairs.  He followed closely and to Caroline’s consternation stopped at the front door, slightly behind Marlena.  “Good morning Mrs. Brady,” he grinned conspiratorially, his smile widening as the older woman’s lips thinned.  He laid his hand gently on Marlena’s shoulder and leaned over.  “Coffee?”

 

Marlena let out a nervous breath and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to control the rush of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her.  Collecting herself, she whipped her head around and glared at Gene furiously.  

“I think I’ll take that as a no.”  Q said, a little taken aback at the vehemence in Marlena’s eyes.  But still, unable to resist it, he threw a quick wink at Caroline before he beat his hasty retreat to the kitchen.

 

Marlena watched him go, almost too afraid to turn back to Caroline.  She couldn’t bear to see the censure in the other woman’s eyes, and yet without explaining herself, without going through a lifetime of reasons, without tearing herself apart inside, she knew that there was no way she could make Caroline understand why this had happened.  She barely understood it herself.

 

Caroline in turn watched Marlena’s back, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.  This was wrong.  It was all wrong.  Where was John?  It should be *John* asking Marlena if she wanted coffee.  Not….   She stifled a moan.  Marlena couldn’t have.  Surely, she hadn’t…  It was all *wrong*.

 

Marlena slowly turned back to her visitor.  She felt sick but she couldn’t avoid this.  Her eyes were wide, and her fists clenched as she faced the woman she regarded as one of her closest friends.  Her nails dug half-moons in her palms as she saw the turmoil and condemnation in Caroline’s eyes.  No amount of explaining would solve this predicament.

Chapter 54 – Pancakes and Rose Silk

Marlena was scanning the front page of the Chronicle when Gene placed the breakfast trays on the covers of the bad.  Smelling the fresh, warm scent of pancakes and the divine aroma of freshly brewed coffee, she grinned and dropped the paper into her lap.

 

“Mmmmm…”, she took a deep breath at the same time as she removed her glasses.  “Gosh Gene, that looks *incredible*!”  

 

The tray in front of her had a large plate piled high with pancakes with maple syrup standing by.  The pancakes themselves were surrounded by piles of fresh summer fruit and berries.  There were two glasses of champagne on the tray and another tray on the dresser held a bottle of champagne and a plunger of black coffee.

 

“One of my….” Q slipped into the bed next to where she sat with her legs bunched up in front of her and ran one hand down a shapely thigh, “my many, many talents,”

 

“Oh, you don’t need to tell me about your multitude of talents,” Marlena raised her eyebrows as she shook her head and smiled sexily.  “I think I’m doing a pretty good job of discovering them for myself.”

 

She leaned towards Q, her eyes beckoning for him to skip the food and head right for the main event.  But he was having nothing of it.  He laughed as he put up his hand to ward her advances off.

“No Marlena.  You’ve got to eat if you want to keep this up.  Breakfast first and *then* dessert.”

 

Marlena rolled her eyes exaggeratedly and then winked at him.

 

“You’ll keep.”  In truth she was actually starving and couldn’t wait to get started on breakfast.  In one movement, she flicked the newspaper from her lap onto the floor and pulled the tray towards her.

******

Sami held Will tightly to her, tears trickling down both of their cheeks.  Another dull thud signaled a blow to the door, but they seemed to be slowing.  Sami took the opportunity of the lull to call out to the man on the other side.

 

“You’d better get lost before I call the police.”  She tried to sound as brave as she could as her little boy clung to her in terror.

 

She flinched as Grant dealt another angry blow to the door.

 

“I’m calling them now.”  She grabbed at the portable phone and almost swore when she discovered that the battery had run down.  The only other phone was in the bedroom, but she was so terrified that it had almost immobilized her.  And besides that, she would have to walk past the door to get there.

 

But then, as suddenly as they had started, the impacts on the door stopped and there was silence.  After a moment, Sami suddenly found that now that the adrenaline rush was over, she no longer had any strength left in her body and she sank to the floor, sobbing into Will’s hair.

******

If Marlena had taken the time to look at the front page of the paper, she might have seen that the identikit picture on the inside front page looked vaguely familiar, and she might have had an inkling that her daughter’s suitor was not all he seemed.  But Marlena had not talked to Sami since she had run out of the penthouse two days ago and she could not have known that her fears about Sami’s dalliance had been realized in an all too frightening way.

 

But instead, for the first time in far too long, Marlena was putting herself and her needs first.  She was engaged in her own life, and she and Eugene were doing their best to shut everyone and everything else out.  Indeed, reality was not something either of them wanted to contemplate at this moment.

******

Kristen rubbed her stomach as she knocked on the loft door.  She looked around the landing with a slightly bored expression as she waited for John to answer the door.  It was time to press the small advantage she had gained.

 

But there was no answer from the loft inside, and no sound even, of movement.  Kristen frowned as she wondered where John was.  She didn’t want to risk letting herself into the loft in case he was in there and just not answering the door.  Instead, she decided to take the elevator to the basement.

 

When she reached it, it became clear that John was not there as his parking space was empty.  Pulling out her cell phone, she hit the pre-programmed auto-dial.  Her brother, answering the other end informed her that John had apparently left the building again early that morning in a considerable hurry.  He had not been seen since.

 

Kristen tapped the cell phone with a perfectly manicured nail as she considered her options.    John might have told her that things hadn’t changed.  But it was obvious to her that they had.  He had let his true feelings for her slip last night, unknowingly in front of Marlena.  And then he had gone to Marlena’s, and it seemed that the insane dream of a future that Marlena once had of being with John, was finally over.  It didn’t matter to Kristen what had happened or who had ended it.  What mattered was that John was now free to be hers again.

 

But for now, she had to work out how to ensure that he indeed came back to her.

“When in doubt little one,” she murmured to her rounded stomach, “we go shopping.”

******

Marlena sat back against the pillows and groaned.

“I think I ate too much,” she giggled as she pushed the tray away from her.  “Oh, take it away.”

 

“I *told* you that you were overdoing it.” Q amusedly clicked his finger and the tray vanished into thin air.

 

“That must be really handy,” Marlena mused, an air of slight intoxication about her.  “Gee, I wish I could do that.  Just think of what or *who* I could make just *disappear*”

 

“I shudder to imagine.” Q drawled, entertained by Marlena’s reaction to the champagne.  It was becoming clear to him now why she didn’t drink much.  Mind you, the effect wasn’t entirely lost on him either.

 

“Whaddare ya trying to say?” Marlena demanded, a slight flush suffusing her face.

 

“Nothing my darling.”  Q smiled and leaned toward her.  “You have maple syrup on your chin.”

 

“I do?”  Marlena’s eyes widened in surprise.  “Well, how did that get there?”

 

“Hold still.”  Q raised a finger and drew it gently across her chin, wiping away the offending sticky mess.  He was looking for a tissue to wipe it on when Marlena took him by surprise, removing the syrup with her mouth.  She played her tongue and teeth around his finger for a moment, teasing him as she looked up at him with sparkling hazel eyes that promised so much more.

 

But Q wanted her too much this morning to play games and he rapidly replaced his finger with his lips, pulling her into a crushing kiss.

 

“Mmmm….” Marlena slid across the bed until she was pressed tightly against him as he began to assault her jaw and neck with kisses, moving down to the hollow of her throat and down again until he reached her robe.

 

He looked up at her as he reached for the sash.  Her eyes were wide open and focused on him as she covered his hand with hers and pulled on the silken cord.  He smiled at her.  It was obvious that neither of them was in any mood to waste any time.

 

The robe fell open so that her breasts fell free.  Her nipples were already hard as he began to massage them with his thumbs, all the while watching her as she watched him.  Finally, he bent his head, and took one of her nipples in his mouth, playing his tongue and teeth around it as Marlena’s breaths became strained.  She couldn’t help but inhale sharply as he nipped her with his teeth and her hands found their way into his hair as he continued to bring her pleasure.

 

When he looked up at her again, she took the opportunity to shimmy completely out of her robe.  She threw it on the floor as she watched him do the same with his.  He bent his head back down to her again, running his lips over her, worshipping the voluptuous curves of her breasts, stomach and hips.

 

Marlena gasped in delight as he found his way between her legs, his tongue exploring her.  She began to moan as she lifted her hips to meet him, moving rhythmically as his tongue delved in and out of her, driving her to distraction.

 

“Gene!”  It was almost a command and it caused him to stop concentrating on the pleasure he was bringing her and raise his head.  “Gene,” her face was flushed, and her eyes glazed with the lust that infused her body.  “I want you inside of me.  I want to feel you now.”

 

Q needed no more encouragement and he moved up the bed to cover Marlena.  She reached to kiss him again, both of them almost frantic in their passion as they assaulted each other’s mouth.  Marlena’s knees gripped Q’s waist as he entered her in one fast movement.

 

Her back arched under him and she began to moan as she rocked her hips in time with his.  His thrusts quickly drove her to a powerful climax and she dug her nails into Q’s back as she began to cry out his name.  He came at almost the same time, Marlena’s cries answered by his own.

******

It had been close to half an hour without any noise from outside the apartment and Sami cautiously sat Will down on the couch.  He clung to her, but she whispered to him that it would be okay, and she wiped the little boy’s face before laying a kiss on his forehead.

 

“Everything’s okay now sweetie.  Momma’s just going to check the door, okay?”

 

The little boy nodded solemnly and watched his mother carefully as she made her way to the front door.

 

Sami looked through the peephole in the front door, mentally berating herself for not doing that to begin with.  Maybe the whole incident could have been avoided if she had been just a little more careful.  There was no sign of anyone outside the apartment which was a good start.  With her heart in her mouth, Sami unlocked the door and opened it a crack, the chain still firmly on.  The corridor was empty.

 

She exhaled a sigh of profound relief and opened the door further to look at the damage.  For all the noise he had made, Grant hadn’t actually caused that much of a mess.  There were a couple of small holes at the base of the door and some of the paint was chipped, but there was nothing much to really indicate how terrifying this whole ordeal had been for she and Will.

 

She closed and locked the door behind her again and went back to the sofa.  Will scrambled into her arms as she looked speculatively at the phone.  There seemed no point in calling the police now.  He was gone and she didn’t think he’d be coming back.  At least, she hoped that this would be the last she would see of him.  She didn’t know if she could cope with any more of that.  Next time, she promised herself, she really would call the police.  Or maybe there would be someone else that could take care of it.

 

She sat back on the couch and stroked Will’s hair as he cuddled up to her, his eyes once again glued to the television screen which now played Scooby Doo.

 

“It’ll be alright baby boy,” she cooed softly.  ‘Momma’s going to make everything alright.”

******

 “When’s the little one due?”

 

Kristen handed over her credit card to the shop assistant and smiled sweetly.  

 

“Three more months.”

 

“Oh, a summer baby, how lovely.”  The young woman smiled as she swiped the card through the machine and punched in the required transaction.  “Is this your first?”

 

“Mmmm-hmmm.”  Kristen examined her nails distractedly, wondering why it was that everyone always felt like every detail of her pregnancy should be for public consumption.

 

“Do you know what it is yet?”

 

“No, my partner and I want it to be a surprise.”  Kristen signed the docket that the woman pushed towards her with a flourish.

 

“Oh, that’s nice.”  The woman handed her a copy with her card and looked down at the baby equipment that was piled up beside the counter.  “Now, would you like that delivered Ms. Blake?”

 

Kristen smiled again.  Perfect, just perfect.

 

“Yeah, that would be great.”  She pulled her gloves back on.  “Could you have it delivered to twenty-five River St.?  And if you could have someone call me on my cell phone before they deliver it, I can be sure that either I or my fiancée is there to take the delivery.”

 

“Sure, that’s fine.” The assistant took down Kristen’s cellular number and then watched her walk out of the shop.  She stood for a moment, staring at the pram and crib as she wondered why, if Ms. Blake was engaged to be married, she wasn’t wearing a ring.

******

It was early evening when Marlena’s stomach told her that it was time to eat again.  She rolled over in Gene’s arms and shook him gently.

 

“Mmmm?” He murmured sleepily as he pried open one eye.

 

“I’m hungry,” she whispered with a grin.

 

“You’re always hungry,” he replied before yawning.

 

“Hey!  Now be *nice*!”  Marlena poked him in the ribs with a sly smile.

 

“Ow!  You mean that’s a requirement?  You never told me that,” Q teased her.

 

“I would have thought it was self-evident,” Marlena pushed him onto his back and ran her index finger across his lips.  “You be nice to me, and I’ll think about being nice to you.”

 

“Oh, well worked out deal Dr. Evans.”  Q grinned as Marlena maneuvered herself on top of him.

 

“Do I hear a complaint, Bradford?” she asked softly, her lips hovering above his.

 

“From me?”  Q raised his eyebrows in mock innocence.  “Never.”

 

“Glad to hear it.”  Marlena’s eyes raked his face, the humor suddenly gone and replaced with wanton desire.

 

Gene felt his mouth go dry with the way she looked at him.  He couldn’t help but respond to her in kind and as her mouth searched his out, his hands slid down her back to her rear as she moved against him.  The kiss deepened as Marlena’s hands wove through the dark hair at Gene’s temples but, as soon as it has started, the moment was spoiled as Marlena’s stomach grumbled loudly.

 

“Oh man!”  Marlena began to giggle.

 

“Well, you *did* warn me.”  Q began to laugh with her as he reached up to brush the hair out of her eyes.  “How about we order in?”

 

“Mmmmm,” Marlena moved back onto her side of the bed.  “Chinese?”

 

“Consider it done.”  He picked his robe up off the floor and pulled it around his body.  “Is the number downstairs?”

 

“Mmmm-hmmm,” Marlena nodded and pulled the sheet around her.  “I’ll see you down there in a few minutes, okay?”  

 

“Okay,” Q leaned over and kissed her.  “See you soon.”

 

Marlena watched him leave the room and then made her way to her set of drawers.

******

The young man slammed the phone down in frustration.  He had flown for hours, to another country, but still, he could get no information.  He felt like he was like trying to dig his way through a brick wall with only a spoon and a map for equipment.  Still, he couldn’t give up now.  He had the information.  He just had to find out what it *meant*.

 

He picked up his address book and contemplated it.  If he couldn’t get any joy on the phone, maybe a *personal* touch might make the difference.  He picked up the key to the room and tucked it into the pocket of his jeans.  Looking around at the threadbare room, he frowned and picked up the A-to-Z guide.  There was nothing to lose.

 

He closed the door behind him and ran down the two flights of steps into the dingy lobby.  He exited the building onto a well-lit street and looked around him.  There was plenty of traffic around, as there always was in this city, even during the night, and it was only seconds before a large black taxi pulled up in response to his signal.  

 

He climbed into the cab and recited to the cabbie the address he wanted.  If no-one else would give him the help he needed, maybe this was his best hope.

******

“Wow!”  It was all Eugene could say as he watched Marlena glide elegantly down the stairs in a rose-colored silk negligee and robe.  She looked incredible and suddenly his appetite for food deserted him.

 

“You like it?” Marlena asked almost shyly as she reached the bottom of the steps.  

 

She wanted this to be a wonderful night for him.  It wasn’t that it didn’t hurt any more when she thought of John.  It *hurt* so much that she thought she might stop breathing.  She ached so that she thought that she might curl up and die.  So, she just didn’t think of John at all.  It was better out of her mind.  In the past where it belonged.  She was in the present now.  And being in the present, she couldn’t remember being made to feel this special and this loved in a long, long time. As such, there was nothing she wanted more than to make Gene feel special in return.  He deserved as much of herself as she could give.  And she wanted to give him all she was able to.

 

“I love it.”  He could only gaze at her, looking like a perfect angel.  “And you.”    He couldn’t help himself.  He hadn’t wanted to put her in a position where she would feel uncomfortable, but the words came unbidden from his mouth.  Faced with her, like this, he could only speak what was in his heart.

 

It didn’t make it any easier for either of them though and he turned from her, saving her the embarrassment of an awkward silence.

 

“The food should be here soon,” he said as he opened the bottle of white wine.  “I thought we might watch a movie on the TV”

 

“That sounds nice,” Marlena came up behind him.  “I wonder how far we’ll get through it.”

 

“I’m sorry?”  Eugene turned around, more than a little flustered by her proximity to him.  It was almost as if her skin glowed in the soft candlelight and the subtle scent of the perfume she wore infiltrated his senses so that he could no longer think what it was that he had to do next.

 

“I said that sounds nice,” Marlena gently took the bottle out of his hands and set it on the table.  “But I just don’t know if I’ll be able to make it through two hours of a movie,” she slid her hands up over his robe, “without getting…” her hands slid around the back of his neck, “..a little…” reaching up, she deposited a soft kiss on his lips, “…distracted.”

 

“Oh Marlena, if you don’t stop that now- ” Gene’s words were cut off as Marlena kissed him again, more forcefully this time.  It was a moment before he found the will to pry her away from him.  

 

“You’re insatiable!” he laughed.

 

“Is that such a bad thing?” Marlena asked, a twinkle in her eyes.

 

“Actually…. no.”  He shook his head and bent to kiss her again.

 

The doorbell cut through the mood like a hot knife and with a frustrated laugh Q bent his head so that it rested against hers.  He pressed his finger to her lips with a slight smile.

 

“Hold that thought,” he whispered before he went to the door.

 

They ate the Chinese takeout as they watched the film that Gene had selected, amid laughs and  squeals, as Cary Grant proceeded to get involved in the havoc of Arsenic and Old Lace.  However, Marlena had been entirely right when she had predicted that the duration of the film would extend slightly past their attention span.  They weren’t even halfway through the film before Marlena found herself paying more attention to what Eugene’s caresses were doing to her body than what was happening to Mortimer Brewster on the screen.

 

The film ran on, and the candles burnt down to smoking stubs as the room was filled with soft moans and desire-filled sighs.  Rose-colored silk spilt into a pool on the ground.  Love made and love renounced.

 

The screen darkened and light faded into night.

Chapter 55 – Old Wounds Never Die

The next few days passed in much the same way for Marlena and Eugene.  Marlena had previously cleared her schedule for the early part of the week, and they spent their time talking, laughing and making love.  They had hidden themselves away from a world that sought to censure them, to pass judgment on the decisions they made and instead had just enjoyed each other’s company, through the laughter and the occasional tears.

 

And yet, on the Tuesday afternoon, they had gone for a walk in the park, taking advantage of the warm spring sun that filled their hearts with light contentment.  They had brought ice-creams which they had eaten lying on the sun warmed grass, laughing at each other as they wiped ice-cream and chocolate from their mouths.  And then they had walked back to the penthouse, hand in hand, oblivious to the world around them, refusing to acknowledge, even still, the reality that ever threatened to encroach.

 

It was Wednesday morning that Marlena found herself back in her office, ready to tackle a new day of treatment and traumas.  The morning was filled with paperwork and assessments, just the kind of day to dull the senses.  But that all ended at eleven when an acute patient of Laura’s was admitted, threatening suicide.  

 

Laura was in San Francisco for a week, attending a conference, but her patient, Elenora Bryant was deeply depressed and in need of immediate care.  Marlena, being the best qualified on the psychiatric staff to treat this particular case, spent an hour talking to and calming the distressed woman.  

 

Elenora Bryant was a middle aged woman, not particularly well educated, who worked in an office and had worked in the same office for the last fifteen years.  It had turned out that Elenora’s husband had left her several weeks beforehand.  He had left her a note, cleared out their apartment of all valuable goods and taken their five-year-old daughter with him.  She had been left with nothing and she had no idea where he had gone.  She just knew that she couldn’t go on living without her daughter and she had no way of finding the child or the means to get her back.  And she had given up.

 

Marlena had eventually sedated the patient and left the room after giving instructions to the nurses and attending doctors that Elenora wasn’t to be left alone for a moment.  She was fearful that somehow the woman would find a way to take her own life and she wasn’t about to let that happen if it was within her power.  Betrayal was devastating, but it could be surmounted.   She was living proof of that, and she had to convince Elenora that she too, could get through this.

 

When she made it to the outer corridor, Marlena began to shake.  This woman’s problems had raised too many old demons for her.  Memories that she couldn’t banish, not just of John, but of countless episodes in her life when she had lost the people she loved most.  People that had been snatched from her by the cruel and unthinking actions of other.  Her sister.  Her husband.  Her children…  She couldn’t bear for that to happen again.  If she lost again, could she be reduced to what Elenora Bryant had become?  At what point would it be that she could lose all hope?  And all will for life?

 

With a pale face, she made her way back to her office, where she found Eugene waiting for her.

“Marlena, are you alright?”  He was immediately on his feet, concerned for her as he saw how wan she looked.

“I’m fine.”   She smiled blankly and walked past him to where the blinds covered the window, shutting out the dreariness of the dull grey day, one of the last vestiges of a winter that had come to haunt her with its broken dreams and promises.  “What are you doing here?”  Her tone was leaden, devoid of interest.

 

“I came to take you to lunch,” Q stepped towards her unyielding back.  “We arranged it this morning.”

 

“Oh,” Marlena crossed her arms in front of her chest and rubbed her arms to ward off the impending chill.  “I’m sorry Gene.  I’m just snowed under.  I really don’t have the time.”

 

“You don’t look too busy,” Q noted from in front of her desk, now clear of paper.

 

Marlena turned around and smiled, a smile that graced her lips but didn’t shine in her eyes.

 

“I am.  I have a full afternoon and I have to write up a case of Laura’s.  I’m sorry, can I take a rain-check on that lunch?”

 

“Marlena.”  Gene moved until he was just in front of her.  “Something is wrong, and I want to know what it is.”

 

“What could possibly be wrong?”  Marlena swallowed, suddenly blinking back the tears.  She turned on her heel and pressed her fingertips to her eyes, willing the pain that gnawed at her to go away.

 

“Marlena…” Eugene felt a twinge in his heart as she turned from him, trying to keep her problems and her pain inside.  “Sweetheart, please let me help you.” 

 

He tenderly reached a hand out and laid it on her arm but found that she shrugged it away with alacrity.

 

“Don’t,” was all she said.

******

Sami set the pile of booklets and papers down on the table in front of her.  The other hand set down a can of coke and a can of Pringles.  She pulled the chair out from the table and sat wearily in the seat.  She stared at the pile of papers for several moments before pulling the tab on the can of coke and taking a large swig.  

 

She had spent most of the morning at Salem University, in meetings with various student advisors and course organizers, trying to arrange a part time schedule of courses that she could take to advance her education.  It would be difficult with a small child, but Sami was determined, and she knew that she could do this.  She wasn’t yet sure *what* she was heading for as far as a career went, but that was what she was here to find out.

 

Sniffing, she put down the drink and opened the can of chips.  She pulled several out and stuffed them in her mouth as she looked around the empty cafeteria.  It was almost exam time and although there were several people playing cards in the corner, other than that, the place was pretty much deserted.

 

Sami spied a newspaper several tables away and quickly retrieved it for herself.  She took several more chips as she began the lead story.  She frowned, wondering who the mystery man was.  They had fished him out of the river yesterday.  There had so far been no identification of the body, and the police had so far made no indication as to whether they were treating the death as suspicious.

 

Sami blew out the breath she had been holding and twisted a strand of hair around her finger as she contemplated the story.  What on earth would make someone so desperate as to throw themselves into the river?

******

“Marlena, don’t do this to me.” Q said, inflections of anger badly hidden in his voice.  “Don’t do this to yourself.  You told me we have to be honest with each other.  Don’t shut me out…”  There was no answer from Marlena, but Gene saw her shoulders begin to shake.  He reached out again and found that this time, she didn’t pull away from his touch.

 

With infinite tenderness, he stepped up behind her and slowly slid his arms around her.  She leaned back into his embrace with a soundless sigh.

 

“Shhh…,” he whispered.  “It’ll be okay.”  He felt the shudder of her body as again her tears escaped their inadequate confines.  “Shhh…” his lips murmured into her golden hair.  “Let it go.”

 

Marlena twisted round in his arms and buried her face in his chest as she let the emotional burden wash out of her.

 

Eugene waited patiently until the quiet sobs had ceased and then drew away from her.  She looked beautiful, even with red-rimmed eyes.

 

“Do you want to talk about it over lunch?” he asked her quietly.  Marlena nodded mutely.  “Okay.”  He smiled tentatively and brushed the damp tendrils of hair from her face.  “Let’s go then.”  

 

Marlena followed him to the door and waited as he took her coat from behind the door and helped her into it.  Then, shutting the door to her office behind them, Eugene put his arm around Marlena’s shoulders and led her down the hall.

 

Over a lunch of pasta at a local Italian cafe, Marlena told him of the patient and her problems, and how they had suddenly hit home.

 

“I try so hard to be strong Gene,” she shook her head sadly, “but sometimes it’s just too hard.”

 

“No-one expects that of you, you know.”  Q smiled softly as he took her hand in his.  “No-one expects you to be super-woman.  No-one but you.”

 

“But I *have* to be strong.  For my children, for my patients.  For myself Gene.  I can’t fall apart every time something goes wrong, or I’d be a permanent cot-case.”

 

“I’m not suggesting that, Marlena,” Q answered reasonably.  “I’m just saying that there’s no dishonor in showing your vulnerability every now and then.  What you have been through would send most normal people insane.”  That elicited a laugh.  “You are an exceptionally strong woman, Marlena.  But even strong people get hurt and upset sometimes.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  And there’s nothing wrong with showing it to the people who care about you either.”

 

“But I don’t want to burden the people I love with my problems,” Marlena argued.

 

“It’s not a *burden*,” Q reached out his finger and caressed Marlena’s cheek.  “We…those people *love* you, and however well you hide it, they can tell you’re in pain.  They want to help.  Helping you *eases* their burden.  It doesn’t add to it.”

 

Marlena tried to smile as the tears came again to her eyes.  He made it all sound so easy.

 

“Thanks,” she mouthed to him, her voice lost somewhere in the morass of emotions that churned within her.  He smiled, his own eyes glittering with tears as he delicately wiped hers from her cheeks with his fingers.  

 

“I’d do anything for you,” was his simple reply.

******

“Oh, my goodness.”  Maggie Horton sat with her husband Mickey on the opposite side of the cafe.  “Oh my.”

 

“What about John?”  Mickey hissed as he shook his head in bewilderment.

 

“Well, *I* don’t know.”  Maggie couldn’t peel her eyes away from the beautiful blonde and her unanticipated lunching companion.  “I have *no* idea.”

 

“I thought he’d split up with Kristen.”  Mickey brooded; his eyes fixed in the same place as his wife’s.  Both the diners were oblivious to the scrutiny.

 

“Well, that was what I *heard*.”  Maggie shook her head.  “I don’t understand it, Mickey.”  She turned back to her equally bemused husband.  “What’s going on?”

******

Carrie ran for the shelter of the mall before the clouds let go of their harbored deluge.  It was her lunchbreak and she had needed to get out of the stifling atmosphere of Titan and breathe some fresh air.  Matters with Austin had come to an impasse, and she wasn’t sure of how to even talk to him anymore.  All she knew was that she was miserable, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could go on like this.

 

She wandered down the footpath and past the familiar shops, barely seeing anything as she walked, unable to focus on anything but the feeling that her marriage was falling apart before her eyes.   She stopped and sat down on a seat, kneading her fingers into her aching temples as she bowed her head.  The headache seemed to be permanent these days, as did the exhaustion and nausea that plagued her.  It made it difficult to get through even the most normal of days yet, even if she had wanted to, she couldn’t cry off sick.  No-one but Austin, Jenn and Sami knew.  It all came back to Austin.

 

Carrie sighed heavily and rested her chin in her hands as she looked around her.  No-one spared her a second glance as they hurried onwards in their unknown quests.  Her lonely gaze swept past the shops that lined the side of the mall and alighted on the baby shop at the end of the row.  She stared at it longingly for several minutes before standing, her mood suddenly defiant.  It’s time he started accepting it she thought as she started for the shop, and maybe this is just the way.

 

In the shop, she was momentarily overwhelmed by the array of baby equipment and clothing, but a smile transformed her face as she began to walk around, running her hands over the warm honeyed wood of the new cribs.  She laid her other hand lovingly over her stomach as she began to leaf through the racks of infant clothing with an unconscious smile.

 

Eventually, she settled on half a dozen outfits for the baby and she took them up to the counter.  She had just handed over her credit card when she was surprised by a tap on the shoulder.

 

“Carrie?” She turned around to find herself face to face with her mother-in-law.

 

“Oh Kate.  Hi.”  She laughed a little nervously.

 

“Hi there,” Kate returned the greeting with a smile that spoke of no worries, especially now Victor was making such tremendous strides in his rehabilitation.  “I just popped in to get some new clothes for Phillip, he does grow out of them so fast.”

 

“How is the little cutie?” Carrie asked, hoping to distract Kate from enquiring why she was here, buying baby clothes.  It didn’t work as Kate looked down at the tiny outfits that the assistant was now packing in tissue.

 

“He’s wonderful,” Kate’s answer was distracted as she fingered the white cotton and lace of the small nightdress in front of her.  “These are rather extravagant for a gift, aren’t they?”  She looked at Carrie quizzically.  “I assume they’re for Kristen?”

 

Carrie looked almost like a startled doe, caught in looming and deadly headlights.  She had always been the most pathetic of liars, she couldn’t lie if her life depended on it.

 

“Ummm…..no.”  Carrie looked down at the pastel yellow jumpsuit.

 

“Then who…?”  Kate faded out, suddenly looking at her daughter-in-law, as if with new eyes.  “Carrie?”  Her eyes strayed to Carrie’s still deceptively flat stomach.  “Carrie…you’re not…”

 

Carrie looked up at Kate, her eyes shining.  Whether it was with misery or happiness, Kate couldn’t tell.

 

“Yes Kate, I am.”

******

Marlena looked up in surprise as she heard the knock on the door.  Her next patient wasn’t due for another twenty minutes.

 

“Come in,” she invited the unknown caller.  The door opened slowly, and a shock of red hair popped around the opening, followed by Maggie’s pretty face.  “Hi there Maggie,” Marlena’s face lit up with a genuine smile for one of her best friends.  “Come on in.”

 

“I’m not interrupting you, am I?” Maggie asked, indicating the paper that flooded Marlena’s desk.

“Oh no, I’m glad of the distraction,” Marlena brushed her long blonde hair out of her eyes and slipped off her glasses.

 

“Oh good,” Maggie came hesitantly into the office, hoping that her edginess wasn’t too apparent.

“How are you, Maggie?”  Marlena pushed her chair away from the desk and stood, taking the opportunity to stretch as she did so.

 

“Oh, I’m doing just fine.”  Maggie forced a smile.

 

“Mmm, good.  Do you want a drink?”  Marlena walked over to her refreshments bar, removing the barrier of the desk between her and Maggie.

 

“Oh, just a water thanks.”  Maggie watched Marlena as she poured the drinks.  “How are *you* Marlena?”

 

“I’m fine,” Marlena answered cursorily as she turned and handed Maggie a glass of icy water.  She had picked up on Maggie’s tenseness the moment she had entered the room, but it seemed that the other woman was not going to address the issue directly.  Maybe it was a symptom of the fact that their friendship seemed to have drifted into the background during the last few years.  Their paths had crossed less and less as Marlena’s focus had shifted and become blurred and they had lost those precious moments that made a friendship special.  That was something Marlena regretted immensely and still hoped she could rectify.

 

“Maggie, what’s wrong?”  She inclined her head as she asked.  “I can tell that something’s bothering you, you seem awfully preoccupied.”  Maggie let out a breath that she hadn’t even been aware that she had been holding.

 

“I’m sorry Marlena.”  She flashed an unsure smile before sinking into one of the awaiting chairs in front of Marlena’s desk.  Marlena seated herself in the other, her face expectant.  Maggie took another breath and then stared at her hands, unsure of how to word her question.

 

“Mickey and I had lunch today, Marlena.”  Maggie looked up at her friend, her face concerned.  “In the little Italian place close to the mall.”

 

“Oh.”  Marlena nodded her head with a rueful smile.  “Suddenly it all becomes clear.”

 

“Please don’t think that I’m here to be nosy or to judge you, or anything like that at all,” Maggie said quickly, stumbling over her words slightly as she did so.  “I’m just… well, you know how I worry.”

“That I do,” Marlena reached out and took Maggie’s hand in her own.  “I’m fine Maggie, really I am.”

 

“You didn’t look fine at lunch today,” Maggie pointed out incisively.  “You looked upset.”

 

“Oh that.”  Marlena laughed lightly in an attempt to allay Maggie’s fears.  As dearly as she loved the redhead, and as good as Maggie’s intentions were, she really didn’t need to go into all this again right now.  “That was just a patient drama.”

 

“Are you sure that’s all it was?”  Maggie asked, knowing Marlena well enough to see behind her facade of denial.  

 

“I’m sure,” Marlena lied, drawing her hand back and balling it into a fist.

 

“Then what’s going on between you and Gene Bradford?”

 

The question caught Marlena off-guard.  She hadn’t been aware that the relationship between she and Eugene had been that obvious.  But thinking back she realized that it must have been written all over them.  Their faces, their body language must have just screamed that they were more than just good friends now.  She pressed her lips together and looked thoughtful as she looked up at Maggie.

 

“I guess what’s going on is whatever it looked like was going on.”  Her reply was slightly evasive.  “We’ve nothing to hide Maggie.”

 

“But *why*?”  Maggie shook her head, puzzled.  “Like I said honey, I’m not here to judge you, but I don’t understand.  I thought John had split up with Kristen.  I thought….”

 

“Didn’t we all.”  The bitterness seeped through Marlena’s voice.  “He had us all fooled, didn’t he?”

 

“What do you mean?”  Maggie asked, concerned at Marlena’s sudden change in mood.

 

“I mean, I would really rather not talk about John anymore.”  Marlena closed her eyes and rubbed the point at the center of her forehead that seemed to be the focus of her developing headache.  She stood abruptly and walked to her filing cabinet where she opened one of the drawers with no other purpose than to keep her hands occupied.  “Everyone keeps asking me about him and really, he’s not my concern any longer.  So, I’d rather we just dropped the subject, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Maggie spoke softly, nodding her head as she did.  She really wanted to know what was going on, what had happened, but Marlena was obviously in no state to talk about it.  Still, she had to know something.  “But Marlena, you and *Eugene*?”  

 

She was surprised to see a smile on Marlena’s face as she closed the cabinet drawer and turned back.

 

“He’s wonderful Maggie.”  Her eyes became soft.  “He’s just the most adorable man.  He’s good and he’s kind and he makes me laugh so.  He’s thoughtful and he’s wonderful with the children.”  She couldn’t find enough adjectives to explain how she felt about Gene.  She couldn’t explain to Maggie how he had saved her sanity and made her laugh again, made her *feel* when she had been beyond all feeling.  “And he *does* love me.”

 

“Well that couldn’t be more obvious,” Maggie couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled from her lips.  “He always did Marlena.”  Marlena’s smile carried a hint of embarrassment but there was something else about it that was indefinable.

 

“He did, didn’t he?”

 

Maggie’s expression became serious as she contemplated her friend again.  Marlena had had her heart broken far too many times.  Eugene Bradford was a good man, if a little strange.  But Maggie had her reservations, in part stemming from the fact that she didn’t know what was happening regarding John.  She believed John and Marlena were soulmates, that they belonged together, but whether destiny believed the same was another matter.

 

“The question is, do *you* love *him*?”  Marlena considered her for several moments as she mulled over the question in her head.  Maggie was eventually answered by the smile that lit Marlena’s eyes.

 

“Yes Maggie.  I do.”

******

Kristen checked her wristwatch as she rode the elevator to John’s loft.  After the delivery people had called, she had made a quick phone-call to the loft, but John’s machine had picked up as it had done on all the other occasions that he had called.  The elevator door cranked open to reveal the familiar landing with the forbidding steel door.  

 

Kristen knocked at the door sharply and waited for footsteps.  When there were none, she took out her shiny silver key and cautiously unlocked the door.  With a racing heart, she slid the door open a fraction and looked into the darkened loft.

 

“John?” She called his name softly and waited.  There was no answer, and she opened the door wide enough to accommodate her bulging belly.

 

The loft smelt slightly stale, a good indication that no-one had been there in several days.  Kristen frowned and walked over to one of the windows.  She pulled the cord which opened the blind, letting in a shaft of light that illuminated the dust floating in silent suspension.  The light soon faded behind another steely cloud, plunging the room back into semi-darkness and Kristen set about opening all the blinds and several of the windows to disperse the mustiness.

 

The baby began to kick again and Kristen pulled off her jacket with a groan.  She lowered herself with ungainly awkwardness to the sofa and looked around the now lighter room.  The mantelpiece caught her eye and she tried to work out what was different.  *Something* had changed.  It was when she saw the pieces of the mangled picture in the grate of the fireplace that she realized.  All the pictures of Marlena had *gone*.  

 

With a vicious grin, she pushed herself from the sofa and crouched in front of the fire, pulling the shiny pieces of photograph from the blackened surrounds.

“Oh Marlena,” a maniacal giggle burst forth as she looked at the torn and wrinkled portrait in her hands.  “What *have* you done?”

 

Intrigued, she began to look around the loft.  There were no pictures of Marlena *anywhere*, but there were no other signs of destruction, save the one in the fireplace.  Kristen climbed the steps deep in thought.  Whatever had happened, this could only be good for her.  The nasty smile crept to her lips again.  John’s bedroom looked as though he had just been there.  Rumpled sheets, an open drawer.  Nothing seemed to be missing.

 

Except for John himself.

Chapter 56 – Sundown Surprises

Marlena dropped her briefcase on the chair and rubbed her eyes exhaustedly.  It always seemed that work was so much more tiring after a few days off.   She looked around the empty living room with a wry smile.  She was missing Belle and Brady awfully, but at the same time she was quite glad of a few minutes’ peace and quiet.  After a day like she’d had, she needed it.

 

She kicked off her shoes and unbuttoned her jacket and then walked over to the flowers that graced the table.  It was an arrangement of spring flowers, daffodils, tulips and irises all vying for attention, smaller freesias perfuming the air with a sweet, powdery scent.   She smoothed the velvet petal of one red tulip with her fingers as a faraway look veiled her eyes.  

 

She turned away and ran a weary hand over her forehead, trying to subdue the empty feeling that seemed to creep upon her from nowhere.

 

“Gene?” she called, wondering where he was.  She got her answer a moment later as he appeared at the top of the landing.

 

“Marlena.  I didn’t hear you come in.”  He took the steps two at a time as he came down to where she stood.  “You’re late.”

 

“Our lunch put me back a little.”  Marlena smiled tiredly as she rubbed absently at her stiff neck with one hand.   “It was quite a day.”

 

“You look exhausted.”  Q gently helped her off with her jacket and laid it on the back of the chair.

 

“I feel it.”  Marlena let out a sigh and looked up at Q, her eyes showing the comfort she took in his presence.  “Thanks again for lunch.  It helped a lot.”

 

“Well, I’m glad to hear it.”  Q dropped a kiss on her forehead.  “You know I’m always here to talk to.”

 

“Mmmmm, I know.  And I’m forever grateful.”  Marlena took as step towards Eugene and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer to her.  “Would you hold me for a moment?”

 

Q didn’t say anything, but hugged her close, enjoying the feeling of her as she cuddled against him.  Marlena in turn closed her eyes and felt her tension subside slightly in his safe and loving embrace.  She brought her hand up and ran it over his chest, covered by the cotton of the long-sleeved tee that he wore.  She smiled as her fingers slid up to the short zipper at his throat.  Playfully, she tugged it down.

 

“Let’s skip dinner,” she suggested quietly.

 

‘Ohhh.”  Q shook his head with a small grin.  “Uh-uh.  I have plans for you.”

 

“Oh no Gene.”  Marlena shook her head.  “I’m too tired.”

“It’s all right,” Q deftly undid the top button of her cream silk blouse, “they don’t require too much exertion…”, he bent his head to kiss her sweetly.  “Unless of course you get a second wind.”

 

“Mmmm.  Kiss me like that again and it’ll be more like gale force,” Marlena teased him.

“Can I hold you to that?”  Gene took Marlena’s hand in his.

“You sir, can hold me to anything you like.”  Marlena returned provocatively.

 

“Oh sweetheart,” he shook his head, “don’t tempt me.”

 

“Why?  Do you want to take away all my fun?” she smiled at him flirtatiously, enjoying this banter as she felt all of the worries of the day start to seep away.  In this penthouse, with him, she was safe.  Nothing could touch her and that was just the way she wanted it.

 

She felt a flush creep into her pale cheeks as Eugene deliberately lifted her hand and turned it over.

 

“I never want to take anything away from you.”  He gently kissed the palm of her hand, leaving her feeling as if her knees had turned to jelly.  “Come on.”  He took a step towards the stairs and tugged at her hand gently.  Marlena folded her fingers around his broad hand and followed him. 

 

He took her to her darkened bedroom a pressed his fingers to her lips as she tried to question him.  Instead, he opened the bathroom door.  Inside, the large bath was full and topped with seemingly endless bubbles.  A glass of wine sat on the edge of the bath, and candles were liberal in their abundance around the room.

 

“Oh my,” Marlena felt Eugene’s hands slide around her neck and begin to undo the remaining buttons on her blouse.  “Gene?”  She bent her head backwards so that she could see him.  “There’s only one glass of wine.”

 

“Mmmm-hmmm.”  He slid the soft matte silk from her shoulders to reveal a lacy slip.  “That’s because I’m not joining you.”  

 

Marlena turned; disappointment evident in her glittering eyes.

 

“You’re not?”

 

“No, I’m not.”  Q shook his head, determined to resist her unique *persuasiveness*.  “I have things to do downstairs, and you have to relax.”  One thumb brushed the contour of her cheekbone, banishing the churlishness that had entered her eyes.  “I’ll leave some clothes on the bed for you.  Come downstairs when you’re ready.”

 

“Clothes?”  Marlena was surprised.  She had expected him to want her to come down in another number like she had the previous few nights.

 

“Now, no questions alright?” He stepped back, not trusting himself to touch her any further, not the way she looked, with her hair glowing in the soft, natural light.

 

“You’re not even going to give me a hint?”  Marlena followed his step with two of her own, bringing her face to face with him again.  “Not even a *little* hint?”  She smiled cheekily as her hand slid around his waist and downwards.

 

“No hints at *all*.”  Eugene removed her hand deliberately and backed towards the bedroom.  “Just get dressed and come downstairs in about half an hour.”

 

He stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door before she could protest any further.  Marlena grinned in the bathroom and then turned back to the waiting bath.  She wondered for a moment how he always seemed to know just what she needed. She dismissed the thought quickly as she divested herself of what was left of her clothing and stepped into the warm, lavender scented water.

******

Sami unlocked the door and dumped the bags of shopping inside the apartment.  She yawned as she closed the door and locked it firmly behind her before checking the messages on the answerphone.  One was from her grandmother.  Having returned from the camping trip the previous day, Shawn and Caroline had offered to take Will for a couple of days, so that Sami could sort out her courses and start looking for a daycare center for her son.  Caroline was just calling to let her know everything was fine and that there was no need for her to worry.

 

She cleared the messages and went into the kitchen where she put the kettle on for a cup of tea.  It was a moment later when she looked around the kitchen, her nerves suddenly on edge for some reason she couldn’t explain.  Something was wrong.  Something *felt* wrong, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

 

“Hello?”  Her voice was muffled by the oppressive silence of the apartment.  Part of her knew she was over-reacting but another part wasn’t so sure, given what had happened the other day.

 

Her heart raced as she opened the top drawer and took out a sharp knife.  She wasn’t going to take any chances.  Thankful for her rubber-soled reeboks, she snuck quietly into the living room and then down the hall.  She yanked open the door to the bathroom, but it was empty.  As were the wardrobe in Will’s bedroom and hers.  She checked in every place she could think of until she had exhausted all possibilities.  

 

Feeling slightly foolish, she sat down on the edge of the bed and contemplated her dilapidated bedroom.  It was several moments before she realized that the top drawer of her dresser was open.  The lingerie drawer.  Sami’s eyes filled with frightened tears as she tried to remember if she had shut that drawer before she left the apartment in the morning.

 

The phone interrupted her train of thought and she snatched it up.

 

“Hello?”  There was nothing but silence on the other end of the line.  “Hello?” Sami repeated, tears starting to trickle through her thick lashes and spill down her ashen cheeks.  “Who is this?” she demanded.  She heard an indefinable noise on the other end of the line.  “Tell me who this is now or I’m putting the phone down.”

 

She swallowed as the noise became more audible.

 

It was someone breathing.

******

Bo looked at Hope, his eyes miserable.

 

“How do I do this?” he asked her, hoping for some sort of divine intervention that would answer him in a blinding flash.  “How do I tell her Hope?”

 

“I really don’t know.”  Hope squeezed Bo’s hand sympathetically.  It had only been a month since she’d been back on the force, and already they were faced with this.  Losing someone they knew and loved.  And they didn’t even know yet how it had happened.  Just that he had a bullet wound to his head and that they had pulled him out of the river.  “She’s going to be devastated.”

 

“That’s putting it mildly.”  Bo shook his head and thumped his palm on the edge of the desk that he was perching on.  “God, this is *so* unfair.  Those poor children.”

 

“It’ll be hard, but they’ll get through it.  They’re awfully strong people.”  Hope pushed herself off the chair and went to him.  “Do you want me to go with you?”

 

“Yeah,” Bo pulled her to him and enfolded her in his arms.  “I think that would really help.  She’s going to need all the support that she can get.”

 

A knock on the door startled the couple and Hope pulled away from Bo and straightened her uniform.

 

“Come in,” Bo waited for the uniformed officer to enter and then was silent as the man handed him a manila folder.  

 

“The forensic lab sent this up sir.”

 

“Thanks Tait.”  

 

Bo dismissed the officer and dropped the folder on the table.  He flicked his eyes over the report, reading out loud.

 

“Bullet wound to the head; entry left temple.  Great.  So, tell me something I *don’t* know.”  Hope was ahead of him as she scanned further down the page.

 

“Look!”  There was almost a smile on her face.  “There.”  Bo quickly skimmed the section at which Hope was jabbing her finger.  A look of relief crossed his face.

 

“I knew it,” he said quietly.  “I *knew* it.”

******

Marlena made her way to the steps feeling much better than when she had come up them.  The bath hadn’t wakened her any, but it had relieved the painful stiffness in her neck and shoulders, and she felt much more relaxed for it.  

 

She was wearing cream-colored sweats and she had pulled her hair into a rough French braid, although wisps of hair were already escaping.  A touch of mascara and a slick of gloss on her lips completed the picture.  She still couldn’t work out why on earth Eugene wanted her to wear sweats, but that if that was what he wanted, she wasn’t about to argue.  She certainly couldn’t deny that they were comfortable.

 

She reached the top of the stairs and caught her breath as she saw the living room below.  Soft music drifted up from the stereo in the corner, mingling with the scent of the flowers and the soft, mellow glow of the candles.  The table was set with crystal and silverware which glinted with golden flame as the candles flickered.

 

Marlena descended the stairs as Eugene came out of the kitchen, carrying two plates.

 

“Ahhh,” he smiled at her.  “Perfect timing.”

 

“Cute outfit.”  Marlena tugged playfully at his apron as he set the plates on the table.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s not nice to tease the chef?”  Eugene pulled a chair out from the table with an amused look on his face.

 

“Chef?”  Marlena looked at the meal in front of her.  “You *cooked* this Gene?”  The lamb noisettes looked restaurant perfect, right down to the fragrant mushroom and white wine sauce.

 

“Took me all afternoon.”  Gene gave a simple nod as he pushed in Marlena’s chair as she sat down.  His manner was completely unassuming as he unfolded the serviette and lay it in her lap.  “Just don’t go into the kitchen.  I’m not that tidy a cook.”  He gave a slightly embarrassed laugh as he sat down opposite Marlena.

 

“I can’t believe you did all this,” Marlena shook her head.  “You’re telling me you did all this without the aid of the magic snap of your fingers?”

 

“All without.”  Q wouldn’t meet her eyes as he pulled the apron over his head and hung it on the back of his chair.  “Although I have to admit to taking a little magic license with the flowers.  I just can’t seem to get that right.”  He took a deep breath as though preparing himself and then looked up at her.  “I just wanted …”  He reached out tentatively and covered Marlena’s fingers with his own.  “I wanted you to know how much you mean to me.  And somehow it seemed that a snap of the fingers just wasn’t going to cover it.”

 

“Oh,” Marlena felt her eyes fill with unexpected tears.  “Oh Gene, that is so sweet.  I…” she wiped away a drop from her cheek with a soulful smile.  “I’m not sure… I don’t know what to say.”  She really was lost for words.  It seemed like everything he said and did right now touched her, and made her feel special again.  But deep inside, even where she couldn’t admit it to herself, nothing could touch the emptiness that she felt.  The sadness and the regret.  The desolation that came with betrayal and the loss of true and ideal love.  And with that, the growing discomfort of knowing that she couldn’t truly return the love and honesty that was being given her.  

 

But, as she often did, Marlena tucked all those feelings away into a little corner of her heart and did her best to disregard them.

 

“You don’t have to say anything.”  Gene squeezed her fingers with a wink, missing the undercurrents that flowed through Marlena’s reaction.  “Just enjoy your dinner, and the evening.”

 

“Alright then,” Marlena returned his smile, banishing her unease to an ignored niche as she watched Eugene fill the wine glasses with a luminous, golden chardonnay.

 

“Mmm,” she took a sip, savoring the crisp, fresh taste of the wine.  “That’s lovely.”

 

“Only the best.”  Eugene held up his glass and Marlena followed suit.  “To…-”

 

“To us.”  Marlena’s throaty voice overrode his own thoughts and Gene couldn’t help but agree with her.

 

“Alright.”  Their eyes locked as their glasses clinked together.  “To us.”  Neither of them broke the gaze as they each took a sip of the wine, the electricity between them magnified by the candlelight.

 

At last, Marlena picked up her knife and fork and started her dinner as Q asked her how her afternoon had gone.

 

“Well,” she finished her mouthful and pushed some more onto her fork.  “It seems as if the truth is out.”

 

“The truth about what?”  Q frowned.  “What do you mean.”

 

“Don’t look so worried, honey.”  Marlena reached out to smooth the creases from his brow.  “Maggie stopped by this afternoon to tell me she’d seen us at lunch.”

 

“She saw us?”  Q raised his eyebrows as he remembered the lunchtime conversation.  “I didn’t see her.”

 

“Neither did I.”  She shook her head.  “But then I guess we probably weren’t paying too much attention.”

 

“Probably not.”  Q impulsively caught Marlena’s hand in his and kissed her fingers.  “So, what did Maggie have to say about it?”

 

“Well,” Marlena looked upwards for a moment and then grinned.  “She wanted to know what was going on.”

 

“And what did you tell her?”

 

“The truth.”  Her words were in hushed tones, but there was no mistaking the intentions.

 

“What, that I’m madly and passionately in love with you?”  Q’s tone was kidding as he felt a sudden need to lighten the moment, but deep inside he was anything but joking.

 

“Oh, she already knew that,” Marlena teased him back.  “What I told her was how I feel about *you*.”  She moved her hand in Eugene’s so that her fingers were threaded between his.

 

“And that is?”  Gene’s heart was seriously thumping in his chest now.  He was in so deep that he had lost all sense of perspective.  Just one intense look from her and all witticisms just vanished.

 

“Why don’t you let me show you?”  Marlena pushed out her chair with a sultry look and made to stand up.

 

“No!”  Eugene pulled his hand away like it had been burnt.  “We haven’t even had dessert yet.”  Marlena drew her hand back with a slightly hurt expression.

“I’m sorry Gene, I just thought…”

 

“Oh honey,” Eugene was immediately contrite, realizing that he had unintentionally hurt her.  “*I’m* the one that’s sorry.  I didn’t mean to be so abrupt.  It’s just that,” he picked up her glass of wine and held it out to her, “I’ve planned this evening, and if I let you seduce me now…”

 

The best laid plans…” Marlena murmured, as she took the glass from his hand and put it down on the table, her eyes dark and inviting.

 

“Just humor me sweetheart, *Please*.”  He was almost pleading with her now, because he wasn’t sure that once she made her mind up, he could resist her.

 

“Hmmmm,” Marlena raised one eyebrow as she ran her finger around the fine rim of the crystal glass.  “You’re only postponing the inevitable you know.”

“I’m counting on it.”  Gene’s eyes sparkled as he awaited her answer.

 

It was several long moments that Marlena lifted her glass to her lips and took a sip as she eyed Q speculatively.

 

“This better be good Bradford.”  

******

Sami lay on the couch in the darkened room.  Her eyes were blank as she gazed at the television screen, not seeing the drama unfolding in the episode that was playing.  The garish light of ER twisted and flickered across her body, the reflections bouncing eerily off the carving knife that lay on the floor below her.  She clutched the portable in her hand and tenseness emanated from every muscle.  The television was muted and the room completely silent.

 

Outside, the wind shrieked through large cracks in the outer cladding of the building.  Corrugated iron several floors below lifted and clattered against the rubbish skip at the base of the dilapidated building.  Sami shivered in the frigid room.  Somewhere, a short distance off, a dog howled dolefully.

 

And then it was quiet again.  For several frightening moments it seemed as if the world had just stopped.  The wind, the dog, everything was just deathly silent.  And then it came again.  A loud thump from somewhere beyond the wall.  From the corridor outside her apartment.  It was followed by an odd grating sound and then it disappeared into the harsh whistle of the wind which was buffeting the windows again.  

 

The curtains flipped sluggishly as the breeze infiltrated through the cracks in the windowpanes and the young woman pulled her jersey closer around herself.  Another large thump knocked her already frayed nerves and she found herself automatically dialing a number on the phone as her frightened eyes darted to the small chest of drawers she had maneuvered in front of the chained and bolted door.  She waited while the phone rang, one and nervously twisting a tendril of hair between unsettled fingers.

 

She pressed her whitened lips together as the answerphone switched on, John’s voice resonating down the line, instructing her to leave a message.  Sami ignored him and clenched her jaw as she quickly dialed her mother’s number.  The phone at the penthouse didn’t even ring, just slipped straight onto the answerphone.  Marlena’s sonorous voice asking her to leave a message was met with a stony silence and Sami punched the button on the phone angrily as she wondered to herself why she had even bothered.

 

Another clang of iron and a synchronous bang from somewhere overhead was enough to make Sami curse under her breath and dial a third number.  She wasn’t about to suffer through this alone.

******

Neither Marlena nor Q noticed the small red light that blinked unobtrusively on the answerphone.   Eugene had switched the phone over earlier, reasoning that if anybody urgently wanted to get hold of Marlena, there was still her cell phone and her pager.  

 

Instead, they were eating dessert.  Poires-Belles-Angevine, Eugene had informed Marlena, were Angevine Pears.  They had been poached in a red wine, and they were, Marlena thought, exceedingly delicious.  Q had watched her eat her portion, his chin in his hand, a smitten expression on his face.  When Marlena finished, she looked up to find that he hadn’t even touched his share.  

 

“Gene?” she waved a hand in front of his face with an amused smile.

 

“Mmm-hmmm?” Q raised his eyebrows in answer to her question.

 

“Aren’t you going to eat your dessert?”  Marlena asked as she deliberately played with the stem of her wine glass.  “You know it *is* rather tasty.”

 

“I’m sure it is.”  Eugene nodded, unable to take his eyes off her.

 

“Well then,” Marlena pushed her chair out from the table with a wicked glint in her eye, “why don’t you let me show you.”

 

She slipped around the table and drew the bowl across the polished surface until it was in front of him. Then she pushed him against the back of the chair and, wrapping one warm hand around his neck, she slipped onto his lap.  Turning around, she took the spoon and cut off a piece of pear and scooping up some of the sweet syrup, she lifted it to his mouth.  Gene took the offered morsel, trying to concentrate on the food, and not the feeling of her next to him, her hand gently massaging the muscles in the back of his neck.

 

“Good?” she murmured sweetly as he swallowed.

 

“Very.”  He reached up and caught her chin with his hand, gently guiding her down to where his lips caught hers in a soft kiss.  “How about some more?” he whispered as she pulled away.

 

“Are you teasing me?”  Marlena asked, her heart beating swiftly.

 

“Always.”  Q let her go and helped her scoop another spoonful from the bowl.  She guided the spoon to his mouth again, where he took another mouthful.  

 

Marlena put the spoon down and brushed the hair from his temples.

 

“So.  Why don’t you tell me what this surprise is?”

 

“If I did that it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”  Q replied reasonably, as his hands slipped around her waist, almost of their own accord.

 

“What say I don’t want it to be a surprise?”  Marlena smiled hopefully.

 

“And what say I do?”  He laughed quietly at her crestfallen expression.

 

“Oh, come on Gene.”  Marlena crossed her arms in front of her.  “Give the girl a clue.”

 

“Uh-uh,” he tapped her on the nose.  “I’m not that easy.”

 

“Oh, you’re not are you?”  An impudent grin slipped onto Marlena’s face, warning of things to come.  “Well, I might just have to see about that.”

 

She started at his lips, teasing him as she almost kissed him, but not quite.   Then she worked her way across his jaw, and down the side of his neck, biting him gently as she went.  She felt his breathing become erratic as she made her way around the base of his throat and up the other side until she reached his ear.

 

“Now you wanna tell me?” she whispered into his ear softly, her cheek resting against his.

 

“You’re very difficult to refuse my darling, but no.”  Q shook his head and gently lifted her off him.  Marlena stood up, a surprised expression on her face.  

 

“That wasn’t what you were supposed to say,” she laughed as she shook her head.

 

“I gathered that.”  Q returned her laughter as he stood and took her hand, leading her to the couch.  “Sit down, will you?”

 

“Ookay….”  Marlena raised her eyebrows again and sat down.

 

Q brought more wine over with their glasses and then sat down on the couch next to her.  Marlena curled her legs up under her and snuggled up next to him as he slid his arms around her shoulders.  He picked up the remote and switched on the television and then started the video that was on the VCR.

 

“Oh Gene,” a nostalgic smile dawned, “how did you know this was one of my favorites?”

 

“Probably a lucky guess.”  Eugene buried his nose in her soft, scented hair with a secret smile as they settled down to watch Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant fall in love in An Affair to Remember.

******

Carrie sighed in frustration as Austin turned his back on her again.  It had started when Kate had come into his office that afternoon, wanting to know what he hadn’t told her she was to become a grandmother again.  He in turn had gone to Carrie and demanded to know why she had told his mother without consulting him.  Carrie had become rightfully indignant and more than a little angry at his continuing refusal to acknowledge and come to terms with their child’s existence.

 

The argument had continued in the car on the way home and through dinner.  Just when it seemed that they had come to some sort of resolution, something small would spark them off all over again and they would end up shouting at each other.

 

Carrie stared at Austin’s back and with a small shock, realized that she barely knew him anymore.  For all that time they had been friends and then lovers, she still didn’t really know the man inside Austin Reed.  She didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling, and she couldn’t predict at all any more what he was going to do from one moment to the next.  It was like living with a stranger and it scared her.  Especially now that every time they had an argument, Austin’s answer seemed to be to retreat into a shell with a can of beer in his hand.  

 

She could hardly believe that this was the same man she fell in love with.  A man whose greatest joy was music and laughter.  A man who promised to always love her and protect her.  The same man that was now making her miserable.

 

She jumped as the phone rang.  Austin, his back still to her, picked up the receiver.  He muttered several mm-hmmm’s and okay’s and then told the person on the other end that he would be right over.  He put down the phone and turned back to Carrie.

 

“That was your sister,” he said in a carefully neutral tone.  “She’s trying to tell me that someone’s been in her apartment and that she’s hearing strange noises.”  He gave a martyred sigh.  “I told her I’d go over and check it out and make sure everything is okay.”

 

“Do you want me to go with you?” Carrie asked, instinctively concerned for her little sister.  Sami’s neighborhood wasn’t the best and Carrie had always been uneasy about the security in that building.

 

“No.”  Austin shook his head.  “It’s probably just Sami playing her stupid little games.”

 

He brushed past Carrie, picking up his jacket before opening the door.

 

“I won’t be long.”  He didn’t even wait for Carrie to nod her head before he was gone from the apartment, the door slammed shut behind him.  Carrie stared at the door for several moments, disbelievingly and then sighed with a shrug of her shoulders and turned back to her living room.

******

John jammed his chilled hands in his pockets and caught a glimpse of himself as he walked past the opulent windows of Saks.  He scowled at his reflection, unshaven and haggard looking, who would want to mug such a pathetic looking bum he asked himself.  It seemed that everyone in New York wanted to warn him to look out for trouble.  Really, he didn’t even care.  He was just going where his feet were taking him, and at this moment it was up Fifth Avenue and past the Rockefeller Center.

 

He didn’t really care much about anything right now.  It had been four nights since he had thrown a few clothes in a bag and climbed into his car.  He had driven it out of the building and traveled with blood-shot eyes until he had almost fallen asleep at the wheel.  He had just pointed his car and gone, and he had ended up in New York.  City of dreams and destitution.  And now he was here he was going to do what he pleased.  He had nothing to lose anymore.  He’d lost it all four nights ago.

 

He shook his head and continued walking.  He didn’t want to think about that.  About *her*.  She was driving him to distraction.  To destruction.  Everywhere he looked, he thought he caught glimpses of her.  A tantalizingly long leg, blonde hair, laughing hazel eyes.  Occasionally he would have fantasies that she would arrive out of nowhere, just magically knowing where he was thanks to the bond he had always believed was indestructible.  And she would come running up to him, telling him it had all been a horrible mistake, begging her to forgive him.  But of course, he was just kidding himself.  They weren’t fantasies, they were *delusions* and the sooner he accepted that fact and that she was in love with someone else now, the better off he would be.

 

Except that he couldn’t accept it.  He’d never be able to accept it.  Because he finally and irrevocably realized now, she was his reason for being.  She woke him in the morning and soothed him to sleep at night. She was the air that he breathed, and without her in his life he could feel himself slowly suffocating.

 

And it was only when he had seen her in the arms of another man that he really realized what all this meant.  And how it seemed that without even knowing it, he had blown his one chance of ever being with her, of building a future with her.  Of building a future at all.

 

So, his one question was, where did that leave him now?

Chapter 57 – Love and Liberty

Sami glanced through the peephole before unchaining the safety catch and opening the door to Austin.

 

“Hi Austin,” she greeted him diffidently.  “Thanks for coming over.”

 

“Sure.”  Austin didn’t look at her, but his eyes flicked around the apartment.  “Where’s Will?”

 

“At Granma and Grandpa’s.”  Sami closed the door behind him.  “They’re looking after him while I sort some stuff out.  I’m going to start doing some courses at the university.”  She tried to sound enthusiastic but she could almost feel the hostility emanating from her brother-in-law and her voice quavered.

 

Austin ignored her and walked into the lounge.

 

“So, what’s going on Sami?  Why were you so upset on the phone?”  Sami suddenly felt her heart start to thump again.  He was never going to believe her.  Why had she ever thought he was going to believe her?  Grant was his friend.  She was just…. well, after all the stunts she had pulled over the last few years, why would he choose to believe her?

 

Suddenly dejected, she walked past him twisting a battered tissue in her hands.

 

“It seems a little silly now,” she said in a small voice.

 

“What seems silly?”  Austin’s tone became a little softer as he detected Sami’s apprehension.  “Something upset you Sami.  You said there were noises?”

 

“Well…”  Sami flicked her blonde hair behind her shoulder and stared down at the ragged tissue.  Taking a deep breath, she launched into an explanation of her recent run-in with Grant and his burst of temper.  Leaving out the open drawer in her bedroom, she related the odd phone call and the noises she had heard outside the apartment.  

 

“I don’t know what’s going on Austin,” she finished hurriedly, her words tumbling out before she had hardly thought about them.  “He scared me I guess and I’m a little jumpy.  I just wanted some reassurance.”

 

“So you phoned me?”  Austin asked coldly.

 

“I…”  Sami looked up at him, her glacial blue eyes ringed with dark sapphire and offering guilt and uncertainty.  “I didn’t know who else to call.”

 

“You’ve got a whole *family* to pick from Sami,” Austin glared at her.  “Why didn’t you call your mom?”

 

“I tried,” Sami said in a small voice, her eyes flooding with tears.  The last thing she wanted right now was to be treated like a pariah by Austin.  “She wasn’t home.”  

 

Austin sighed heavily and walked back to the door.

 

“Stay there,” he demanded.  “I’ll have a look around.”  

******

John looked down the street.  Even at this time of the night, New York was bustling.  There were people everywhere and John could hardly walk a few steps without being battered by people walking like automatons in the opposite direction.  He wasn’t really looking where he was going, he merely watched his feet as they followed, one after the other, as if by automatic pilot they were taking him somewhere.  Where, he didn’t know.

 

He crossed the pavement and walked blindly onto the road, somewhat surprised when a blare of horns greeted his sudden movement.  He miraculously dodged several lanes of traffic to make it to the other side of the road, shaking his head as he did so.  His heart fluttered wildly as he realized what he had just done, and he wondered for a moment whether he had a death wish.

 

He walked to the building that was in front of him and leant against the cool concrete, trying to calm himself.  This was getting beyond a joke.  He had to pull himself together before he really did kill himself.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath wondering what he was doing here.  He had known the moment he had gotten in the car he had been running away.  And he knew that running away was wrong, but he couldn’t stop himself.  

 

He couldn’t face her.  Not yet.  He couldn’t walk into the same room as her and not fall apart.  He couldn’t see her smiling and happy, with *him*, and not want to retreat into a hole in the ground and have the world stop existing round him.  

 

In a way, what hurt the most was that he knew that this was how Marlena must have been feeling the whole time that he had been with Kristen.  She had told him that night that she had never stopped loving him, but he had never stopped to think what that truly meant.  Until it hit him between the eyes.  Her words came back to him, filtering through his mind, tearing at his heart.  

 

Maybe if you hadn’t been so wrapped up in *Kristen* for the past three years you might have seen that every time you talked to me you hurt me……  She had been so hurt and angry, but he had never truly understood, until this moment, what he had done to her.  How deeply his betrayal of their love had hurt her.  His fear and his denial had only blinded him to the one honest truth in his life.  I tried to tell you so many times how I felt, but you always seemed to brush it off, to tell me what a good *friend* I was when all I wanted was for you to take me in your arms and never let me go.

 

And then those words that he thought might chase him through the wind forever. You know I love you.   But love isn’t enough anymore John.  There’s too much water under that bridge.  I have to build myself a new life.  And I’m sorry, but you’re not going to be in it.

 

*You’re not going to be in it.*

 

The people walking by the unkempt looking man darted sideways glances at him as he turned to the wall, the tears trickling down his cheeks.

 

“Marlena,” he whispered, his voice scratchy with despair.  “Marlena.  Oh God, I need you.”

******

Nicky Ferrante moves behind the sofa.  Terry watches him in his frustration.  

 

“Isn’t it strange?” he asks her.  “We used to read each other’s thoughts.  It’s not the same, is it?”

 

“Not quite,” Terry replies in a small voice, her hand nervously rubbing her throat as she silently begs him not to ask any more questions.  

 

He notes that she isn’t wearing a wedding ring.  He had assumed….  Leaning on the piano, he tells he thought everything was fine until he saw her last night.  “And then I knew there must be *something* between us.  Even if it’s only an ocean.”  He’s booked a ticket…. for tonight.

 

And then he hands her a present, wrapped in tissue.  She pulls it open to discover Grandmother Janou’s lace shawl.  

 

“Oh, that’s why my letters came back.”  She wraps it around her shoulders as Nicky reminds her how grandmother wanted her to have it.  Terry nods, tears in her eyes.  He picks up his hat and coat and bids her goodbye.  And then he is leaving.  Sailing away from her forever.

 

But at the door he turns to look at her one last time.  And he tells her he painted her like that, with the shawl.  He tells her he didn’t want to sell it, he didn’t think he could part with it.  But Courbet told him a young woman came into the gallery and saw in it what he had hoped Terry would see in it.  So, he told Courbet to give it to her.  Because she didn’t have any money, and not only that she was in a…. she was….

Marlena pressed the back of the fingers to her mouth as the tears began to spill from her eyes.  Nicky walked to the door and opened it.  Not moving her eyes from the screen, Marlena reached for a tissue and brushed the tears from her cheeks in a futile gesture as she began to sob.  The look on Nicky’s face was enough to melt her as he realized what it was that had kept him from the woman he loved all these months.  This film could always do it to her, reduce her to a quivering mush.  Every time she watched it she’d end up sobbing, it was just so sad and so romantic.  This time it seemed more poignant than ever as Terry told him that everything was going to be alright.

 

The screen faded into cheerless winter trees in Central Park and the music swelled.  Marlena sighed and reached out for a second tissue to wipe her reddened cheeks.  Gene looked at her uneasily. 

 

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

 

“Mmmm?”  Marlena looked up at him, realizing what a mess she probably looked.  The concerned look on his face made her smile.  “Oh darling, I’m fine.”  She pulled another tissue from the box and wadded it up with the first two.  “I guess this is why they call it a tearjerker.”

 

“As long as you’re sure.”  He remained unconvinced.

 

“Of course I’m sure.”  Marlena smiled even more broadly and snuggled into the crook of his arm.  “Romantic movies always have this effect on me.”

 

“You mean you enjoy crying?”  Q seemed somewhat perturbed.

 

“Well, it’s….” Marlena looked upwards, trying to find a way to explain something as irrational as enjoying a good cry over an old movie.  “It’s just an emotional release.  It’s an escape, to see characters struggle with their own problems and then resolve them in the space of two hours.  It offers you hope that love *can* conquer the obstacles in its path.”

 

“But I still don’t understand,” Q scratched his head unconsciously.  “What pleasure do you get out of watching people who are unhappy?”

 

“It’s not their unhappiness that you enjoy Gene.  It’s the hope that they will overcome their problems.  And being a movie they usually *do* overcome those problems.”  Marlena ran one finger under her eye and frowned at the streak of mascara that came away with it.  “It’s that ideal that in one moment, they will realize that their love for each other is stronger than anything else that is trying to pull them apart and it’s the fantasy of happy ever after.”

 

“And that makes you cry?” Q asked as he handed her another tissue.

 

Marlena nodded.

 

“Yes.”  She shrugged.  “I don’t really know why.  It’s just sad and happy and sweet all at the same time.”

 

“Right.”  Q nodded his head slowly trying to suppress the small smile that twitched at the corner of his lips.

 

“Oh *you*,” Marlena flicked at him with her hand as she laughed.  “Stop making fun of me.”

 

“Me?” he asked innocently as he slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him.

 

“Yes, it would be you I’m talking about,” she whispered.

 

“I’m sure you must be thinking of someone else.”  He leant his head on one side and swept his thumb softly beneath each eye to remove the remaining traces of stubborn mascara.

 

Marlena felt her body react to his touch and the way he looked at her and she tried not to let it show.

 

“I must look terrible,” she said, looking at him from under her still dark and lavish lashes.

 

“You?”  Eugene replied, surprise straying into his voice.  “Not so as I’d noticed.  I was just wondering how you always manage to look so incredibly adorable actually.”

 

“Oh Mr. Bradford,” Marlena smiled, her eyes sparkling.  “*You’re* incredibly smooth.”

 

“There you go again,” Q ran his fingers through Marlena’s hair as he swept it back off her face, “getting me confused with someone else.”

 

“Uh-uh,” Marlena mouthed as she shook her head, enchanted by the way his eyes had taken on an almost golden hue.   She moved even closer to him, her fingers exploring his lips as she stared at him.  Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she kissed him.  Tentative at first, the kiss soon grew when she felt him responding.

 

Eventually Eugene pulled away and took her hand in his.

 

“Get up, will you?” he asked mysteriously.

“Mmmm?”  Marlena watched him stand up, a little disconcerted.  She certainly couldn’t call him predictable.

 

“Stand up.”  He tugged on her hand until she was standing next to him.

 

“There’s more?”  Marlena asked eagerly, her eyes lighting up.

 

“If you’re up for it,” Q nodded, happy to see her so animated after how dispirited she had seemed earlier in the day.  He hated to see her unhappy, more than anything in the universe, he just wanted to see that smile that lit up her whole face.

 

“Of course I’m up for it,” she said with surprising enthusiasm.  “What is it?”

 

“I’m not *telling* you what it is,” Eugene laughed.  “It’s supposed to be a surprise…So, just close your eyes, okay?”  

 

Marlena looked at him speculatively, but he just smiled enigmatically, increasing the mystery.  She waited for several moments, but it seemed he was intent on outwaiting her and she decided that there was nothing to do but give in.  She closed her eyes and felt his hands on her shoulders.

******

Carrie sat on the couch in the silent apartment and smoothed her tee-shirt over the slight bump of her stomach. 

 

“Hey there,” she whispered.  After a moment she sighed and laid both of her hands across her abdomen as if it could give her some unspoken connection to the child that was growing inside her.  “I don’t know what’s going to happen little one, but you can depend on one thing,” she bit her lip, “your Momma will always love you.”

 

She was startled from her abstraction by a sharp knock at the front door.  She pulled a sweatshirt around her shoulders and went to the door.  

 

“Who is it?” she asked.

 

“Carrie, it’s Mike Horton,” came the voice from the other side of the division.

 

Carrie quickly unlocked the door and admitted Mike.  She was shocked at what she saw.  He looked like he hadn’t shaved today and his eyes were rimmed with red.

 

“Mike, what’s wrong?” she asked with immediate concern.

 

“Um…”  Mike looked around the room distractedly.  “I was wondering if you’d… um,” he looked back at Carrie almost as if he couldn’t remember what he had just said.  “Have you seen Jenn Carrie?”

 

“No.”  Carrie shook her head suddenly worried for Mike.  He looked like he was just about to fall over.  “Mike, do you want to come and sit down?”

 

“Wha-?”  Mike looked at her again, comprehension dawning.  “Oh.  Thanks, yes.”

 

Carrie led him to the couch and he almost collapsed into the seat, burying his face in his hands.  Carrie perched herself on the edge of the sofa next to him.

 

“Mike, what’s wrong?  What’s happened?” she asked as gently as she could.  It was becoming more and more obvious that something had happened that had really distressed Mike and he probably needed to talk about it.

 

Mike took a couple of deep breaths and picked up the fringe of the throw that covered the couch between his fingers. 

 

“I…I..” he began falteringly.  Carrie waited silently for him to continue.  When he didn’t, she tried a different approach.

 

“Mike, were you looking for Jenn to tell her something?”   

 

Mike nodded his head miserably. 

 

“I got a call last night Carrie.  From Robin’s parents.”  He picked at the fringing.  “Apparently there was some sort of attack in Israel.  A suicide bomber.”

 

“Oh my god.”  Carrie’s heart felt like it had stopped.

 

“They didn’t know,” he continued, tears rolling down his cheeks, “until this afternoon.  They called me.”  He looked up at Carrie, his expression heartbreaking.  “She’s dead Carrie.”

 

“Oh Mike,” Carrie felt tears gather on her lashes as she felt Mike’s anguish.  “I’m so sorry.”

 

“That’s not all,” his voice was oddly calm.  “Jeremy.  They can’t find him.  They think maybe he…”  His voice trailed off as he covered his face with his hands again.

 

Carrie pressed her hand over her mouth as she tried to understand what Mike was saying.  His son might be dead, killed mindlessly by a single terrorist act.  A needless death of a mother and a child in some stupid attempt to make a statement.  She had nothing to say.  How could simple words be of any comfort when faced by a tragedy like this?

 

She brushed at the tears which marked her cheeks and lay her hand gently on Mike’s arm.  The light touch made him look up and the compassion he saw in Carrie’s eyes was too much for him.  He dissolved into tears as Carrie put her arms around him.

******

Sami nodded meekly and did what Austin asked.  She waited as he went into the corridor and looked around for several minutes.  But it wasn’t long before he was back, a look of sufferance on his face.  Almost ignoring her, he checked out the inside of the apartment.  When he came back to her, he looked less than amused.

 

“Everything checks out fine Sami,” he said, his eyes flicking to the knife that still lay on the floor.  “You might want to put *that* away before you hurt someone.”

 

“I….”  Sami looked at the open door nervously, “are you sure there’s no-one out there?”

 

“Yes, I’m sure Sami.”  Austin replied with some forbearance.  “Look, I’m sure that what’s happened is nothing more than a misunderstanding.  And *you’re* getting paranoid.”

 

“I am *not* paranoid.” Sami retorted angrily, suddenly on the defensive.

 

“Look Sami, Grant’s a good guy.”  Austin shook his head.  “I just can’t believe that he would get violent like that.”

 

“Well believe it.”  Sami spat at him.  She stormed to the door and yanked it open so that Austin could see the outside of it.  “See?”  She pointed at the dent in the base of the door.  “That didn’t get there by *itself* Austin.”

 

“So?”  Austin shrugged his shoulders.  “It’s not exactly destroyed Sami.  So, he might have kicked the door.  You probably pissed him off.  It’s not like you have no experience at *that* after all.”

 

Sami’s lips went white as she pursed them and glared at Austin.

 

“I *didn’t* ask you over here so you could insult me Austin,” she crossed her arms in front of her chest.  “I know what happened.  *You* believe whatever you want to.  Makes no difference to me.  Thanks for coming but you’re right, everything is fine.  So, I’ll see you later.”

 

“Fine.” Austin sighed.  “Whatever.”

 

There were no more words as Sami followed him to the door which she slammed behind him.

 

“Thanks for *nothing*.”  She muttered darkly as she locked and chained the door before pushing the chest of drawers in front of it again.

******

Marlena recognized the slightly giddy feeling as Eugene’s hands steadied her.  Then she could feel a cool breeze on her face and hear the faint, faraway noise of traffic.

 

“Gene?” she asked, reaching up to touch his reassuring hand.  He squeezed hers gently as he told her to open her eyes.

 

When she did, she could barely believe them.  She was greeted by a panorama of twinkling lights from the magnificence of the neighboring skyscrapers to the small apartment blocks and even the cars below.  Out beyond the lights there was a stretch of dark, flat water and then past that, the sprinkling of lights seemed to stretch on forever.   At the edge of the silent mantle of ebony water she could see the famous statue that stood proudly like a guardian at the head of New York City.

 

“Oh my,” she breathed as she walked to the railing and looked out over the city.  It seemed almost magical to her.  It wasn’t like she hadn’t been here before, but the beauty of it literally took her breath away.  She turned to look at the building behind her.  The limestone and granite structure soared up into a breathtaking spire two hundred and thirty feet above her.  Above, the stars gathered in their ethereal congregation, seemingly watching over the earth below.

 

She looked around the observatory and turned to Eugene, her cheeks roseate with the cool evening air.  

 

“Gene, we’re the only ones here.”

 

“Yes ma’am.”  Q leaned back against the stone wall and watched her look around in wonder.  “It’s after midnight.  The building is closed up for the night.”

 

“But I thought…”  Marlena looked at her watch for a moment.  “Oh, of course.  We’re in a different time zone now.  So….” she pulled her sleeve down over her watch again.  “We have it all to ourselves?”  A thoughtful expression crossed her face, followed by a seductive smile.

 

“It would seem that way,” Q couldn’t take his eyes off her as she walked towards him.

 

“You’re quite something you know that?” she asked as she reached him.

 

“I just want to make you happy.  I want you to be happy,” he replied as she slipped her arms around his neck and pushed him up against the wall. 

 

“You’ll make me happy if you kiss me,” she stared up into his eyes, her own brilliant, as though they reflected the light of every star that glistened above them.

 

“How do I say no to an invitation like that?” he murmured as he bent his head and found her lips with his own.  The cool air of the early spring night was soon forgotten as they became caught up in a passionate kiss.

******

John’s eye was caught by a glimpse of gold in front of him and he looked up.  He heart felt like it had stopped beating as he looked up.  She was there, in front of him, walking towards him and offering him absolution.  He reached out to her, but as their fingers met, she faded into nothingness.

 

He shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment as he steadied himself against the wall.  What the hell was happening to him?  He felt as though he was losing his mind along with everything else.  And yet, when he opened his eyes, somehow things were different.

 

The street was strangely empty, and the sounds muted.  It was odd but everything seemed clearer than it had before.  Edges were sharp, features defined.  He couldn’t explain it, but somehow it was as though he could feel her presence.  As much as it seemed insane, he felt as though he had a reason again.

 

He pushed himself off the wall and shook his head in disgust as he looked in the window.  This wasn’t what he was about, all this despair and self-pity.  He didn’t know what he was going to do, he just knew that he had to do it.

 

Trying to remember his way back to the hotel, he set off again.

Chapter 58 – Interruptions

A slight noise diverted Q’s attention from Marlena, and he pulled her close, motioning for her to be quiet.  Realizing what he was referring to, she plastered herself to the wall next to him while they waited for the guard to go away.

 

Behind the plate glass, the stocky guard pulled out a packet of cigarettes and selected one.  He slipped the thin cylinder between his lips and flicked at the brass lighter that he had pulled from his pocket.  A thin, unsteady flame licked upwards from the flint and engulfed the end of the cigarette.  He extinguished the flame and puffed for a moment, the burnt tangerine glow hungrily devouring the end of the cigarette before he slipped the lighter back into the pocket of his uniform.  He surveyed the landing in front of him for a moment, seeing the same granite and the same lights he saw every night but not really seeing them at all.  Then he turned his back.

 

Marlena buried her face in Q’s chest and succumbed to the giggles she’d been harboring.  Her laughter was infectious, and Q found himself shaking along with her.

 

“I feel like I’m back in high school,” Marlena wiped the tears of laughter from the corners of her eyes, “under the bleachers.”  She began to tremble with subsumed giggles again as she thought about their near capture.  “I was so sure he was going to see us.”

 

“Me too,” Q grinned as he inched away from the doors, pulling Marlena with him.  “So, tell me Dr Evans, what did you do under those bleachers then?”

 

“Wouldn’t *you* just love to know?” Marlena slipped her arms around his neck again, her eyes tantalizing him with their playfulness.

 

“How about a demo?” he raised his eyebrows, returning her teasing as his hands slid smoothly down her back and over her rear.

 

“Mmm, alright then.”  To his surprise, Marlena acquiesced with a beguiling smile.  “Come with me.”  

 

She took his hand and pulled him around the corner until they were almost hidden from view.  This time, she leaned against the wall and pulled on Gene’s sweatshirt until he was pressed up against her.

 

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

 

“Where?” Q smirked.

 

“Here.”  Marlena laid her index finger on her lips as she looked up from beneath her heavy bangs.

 

Q felt his heart pounding almost uncontrollably as he bent and brushed his lips softly across hers.

 

“There you mean?” he asked, as he drew back slightly.  Marlena nodded her head, her eyes wide and her reddened lips slightly parted.  She watched him as he leaned forward again, and gently met her soft, warm lips with his.  He felt her arms tighten around his neck and her tongue as it slid gently between his lips, colliding with his own.  His hands slid down her arms to her shoulders and then up so that they framed her face.

 

“Oh boy,” Marlena shook her head with the ghost of a smile as she caught her breath.  “You’re quite something you know?”  Reaching behind her, she tugged at the ribbon that tied her hair in place.  It came undone easily and she moved Gene’s hands so that he could tease out the braid.  He ran his fingers through her silken hair until it was loose and tumbling over her shoulders.  

 

Staring at her with unconcealed desire, he ran his fingers across her face, as though memorizing every curve and every feature.

 

“Kiss me again,” she murmured quietly.

 

“Where?” he repeated his question.  Marlena looked at him for a moment and then tilted her head back.  She ran her finger delicately down her throat.

 

“Here.”

 

Her head came to rest against the wall as Eugene’s mouth came down on her throat, teasing her with light feathery kisses which trailed up to her jaw and back down again.  Gene felt her back arch slightly as his tongue dipped into the hollow of her throat, making her moan.  He continued to kiss her, tasting her warm, scented skin as he made his way up to her ear.  One hand ran down her back and pulled her closer to him as he ran his tongue lightly over Marlena’s earlobe, teasing her as he nibbled at it lightly.  

 

He felt her suppressed shudder and let her relax back against the wall.

 

“Are you alright?” he asked gently, not sure where this was going.  He wanted her so badly he could taste it, but they weren’t exactly in a convenient location.  

 

Marlena caught her breath and then smiled naughtily as she nodded slowly.  Silently, but with actions loaded with intention, she drew her hands back from around his neck and raised them to the buttons at the neck of her sweat top.  Deliberately and sensually, she moistened her lower lip as she slid the top button out of its hole.

 

“*Marlena*,” Q whispered in shock as he watched her undo another button.  “Here?”  

 

An amused expression chased across Marlena’s face, and she leaned forward until her mouth was only an inch or so from his ear.

 

“Why not?”  Her breath was warm and moist, and Eugene found he had to steady himself against the cool granite.

 

“Well…” he searched around for reasons, desperately wanting to give in to her but finding himself unable to.  

 

He wondered for a moment if she’d ever stop surprising him but then immediately surmised that it was highly unlikely.  He found that his smile reflected hers as he contemplated the scenario, he suddenly found himself in.  This wasn’t at all what he had intended, but then, he never had been successfully able to argue with her. 

 

“It’s cold up here you know.”

 

“I don’t think we’d be cold for very long,” Marlena batted her dark lashes as she undid a third button.

 

“Well…” Gene cast around for another reason as he felt her hand slide up his stomach and over his chest. “Uh….what…um, what about the guards?”

 

“What about them?”  Marlena’s voice was velvety and seductive as she pulled on the zipper, and it slid down its metal track.

 

“Um…” he faltered as he felt a secondhand slide under the tops he wore.  “Oh!”

 

“Enough talk.” Marlena slid her hand around to the small of her back and pulled him abruptly against her.  The other hand skimmed over his shoulder, her fingers burying themselves in the short, dark hair at the nape of his neck.

 

Q felt his lips on hers as she kissed him hungrily and he moved forward, pushing her up against the wall.  His hands wove through her hair as his tongue fought with hers, their lips demanding in lust and passion.  He closed his eyes and stepped backwards, his breathing heavy as he tried to steady his senses.  Marlena did the same as she tilted her head backward against the wall, trying to control the deep panting breaths that came from her.  

 

With one hand still in her hair, Q felt her movement and opened his eyes.  His fingers loosened their grip on her soft tresses and slid down the side of her face and over her neck until they reached the open buttons of her sweat top.  Marlena lifted her head and gazed at him.  She wouldn’t normally even think of doing this, but for some reason, her normal reserve had disappeared, and she felt daring and suddenly aching to take a risk.  Whatever had happened today, whatever sadness and loneliness she had felt, tonight had swept it away again and she just wanted to have this adorable and sexy man make love to her right now.

 

“I want you,” her voice was thick with desire.  “Here and now.”

 

Q thought to argue, but another sizzling glance from her luminous hazels quieted his rebuttals in his throat and he murmured a soft assent.  Her hand slid steadily up, over his chest, brushing his sensitive nipples with her fingers.  Gene bit on his lip as she drew her fingernail lightly over his skin, down to the waistband of his jeans and his muscles tensed as she skillfully unbuttoned him.  However, before she could slip the stiff denim from his hips, he grasped her hand and pushing it up over her head, he pressed her back against the wall.  Marlena gasped as a vivid image of John suddenly flashed into her mind, startling her with its pervasiveness.

 

“Marlena?” Q asked, aware of her sudden discomfiture.  Marlena swallowed, her eyes suddenly glistening with tears.  “Marlena, what…did I do something wrong?”  There was apprehension in his voice and that only added to the sudden ache in her heart.  She shook her head, her lips pressed together as she struggled with her suddenly chaotic emotions.  Eugene didn’t quite believe her, and he certainly didn’t understand what could have produced such a rapid turnaround in her mood…. unless it was John Black.  

 

Feeling a hot pricking in his eyes, he gently released her arm and moved back a fraction.

 

“I’m sorry for whatever it was,” he offered quietly before he turned away to hide the hurt he was feeling.

Marlena watched him walk to the railing and gaze out over the sparkling web of lights, cursing herself for being so unable to control her reactions.  The last person she wanted or needed to think about at a time like this was John.  That was behind her, and she couldn’t keep torturing herself like this or she would end up hurting Eugene too and she couldn’t bear that.

 

Quietly, she walked up to where he was leaning on the railing and stood beside him, her eyes searching him for a clue to what he was thinking.

 

“Gene,” she tentatively reached out her hand and touched his cheek.  She flinched when he pulled away slightly, as though she could feel the pain and uncertainty that ran through him.  “Gene, please don’t blame yourself.  It was my fault…. I just….something took me by surprise.”  She was relieved when he turned to look at her.  She gave him a wavering smile.  “It was just something…. triggered a memory and I hadn’t expected that to happen.”  She looked over the city to where the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges spanned the black expanse of the East River.  “I guess I should have known better.”

 

Q’s eyes were still filled with hesitation when she turned back.  He understood what she was saying.  Something had made her think of John.  That was only natural, he reasoned, it was bound to happen.  So why did it bother him so much?

 

“Gene?” Marlena reached out falteringly and closed her hand around his.  She relaxed slightly when she felt the slight return of pressure as he fastened his fingers around hers.  Q reached out for her other hand, covering his insecurity with a fleeting smile.

 

“I told you before,” he said, his heart privately aching, “I just want to make you happy.”

 

“And you *do* make me very happy.”  Marlena smiled as she blinked the tears from her eyes.

 

“Not half as happy as you make me.” Q murmured as he pulled her to him, enveloping her between his arms.  He felt her relieved sigh as she slipped her arms around his waist and melted against him, but nothing could banish the inexplicable feeling that second by second, she was slowly slipping away from him.

******

Carrie handed Mike the mug of hot chocolate and sat down with her own.  She watched as he blew absently at the surface of the creamy liquid, watching as the vapor rose from the froth.  His eyes were slightly glazed and red from the boundless tears he had shed.  She picked up the portable that lay by her feet and hit redial, waiting as the tones sounded through the speaker.

 

This time Jennifer answered the phone.  With relief, Carrie handed the phone to Mike and then slipped out of the room to give him some privacy.  When she came back, he was finished and sipping his drink.

 

“How much did you tell her?” She eased herself onto the sofa next to Mike.

 

“Enough.”  Mike nodded his head slowly, the nightmarish images that crowded his mind starting to ease away into blackness.  “She’s coming over to pick me up soon.”

 

“I’m glad,” Carrie laid her hand gently on his arm.  “You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

 

Mike stared at the blue mug for several more moments and then turned to the young woman that sat next to him.

 

“Carrie,” he forced himself to look at her, “I want to thank you for listening.  I…”  He looked down to where her hand was still resting on his bare forearm.  “It means a lot to me.”  Carrie smiled sweetly.

“You don’t need to thank me.  We’re friends and you’ve been through a traumatic time, of course I’d do anything I could to help.”  She shook her head with a tinge of regret.  “I just wish I could have done more.”

 

“You’re not the only one.”  Mike sighed and rubbed at his face wearily.

 

“Mike, you can’t blame yourself.”  Carrie shook her head vehemently.  “That’s not fair to *anyone*.  You couldn’t do anything.  It was Robin’s choice to be there, and to have Jeremy there.  The only difference you could have made was to be there too.”  Mike frowned as he looked at her again. 

 

“It could have been me instead of them Carrie.”

 

“No,”  Carrie, shook her head again, her eyes soft with compassion, “it would have been you as *well* as them.  Mike, nothing you could have done would have stopped that man killing himself.  The only difference would have been he would have taken one more victim with him.”

 

Mike looked down at the wooden floor, his lips pursed, but his train of thought was interrupted by the rasp of metal upon metal as a key turned in the door lock.  Both he and Carrie looked up to see the door open, revealing Austin.

 

“Hi honey,” Carrie attempted a smile as Austin glared at the two of them in the sofa.  “How’d it go with Sami?”  Austin raised his eyebrows as he noted her attempt to deflect his attention from her visitor.

 

“She was *fine*.”  He grimaced noticeably.  “Just being Sami.”  He turned his attention to the other man.  “Isn’t it a little late to be visiting my wife, Mike?”

 

“Mike was looking for Jenn,” Carrie explained rapidly, embarrassed at Austin’s behavior.

“And looking for Jenn involves drinking coffee here after ten at night, does it?”  Austin slammed his keys down on the bookcase.

 

“*Austin*!”  Carrie’s exclamation was laced with anger.

 

“It’s alright Carrie,” Mike pushed himself up from the sofa.  He didn’t want to antagonize the situation any more than it obviously already was, but he wasn’t about to explain himself to Austin Reed.  “I was about to go anyway.”

 

“But Jenn’s supposed to be picking you up, isn’t she?”  Carrie protested, feeling vexed and ashamed of her husband’s conduct.

 

“It’s really okay.”  Mike deliberately turned his back on Austin, Carrie’s anger infecting him as he began to understand her situation.  “I’ll meet Jenn outside the building.  It’s really no trouble.”  He raised his eyebrows and nodded his head, willing her to agree with him.  Thankfully, Carrie understood that he was trying to save further dissension and bit back any further argument.

 

“Okay.”  She followed him to the door and opened it for him.  “Give Jenn my love will you and you look after yourself.”  She hugged him, ignoring Austin’s obvious antipathy.  “You know where I am if you need to talk.”  Mike squeezed her hand in return and nodded.

 

“I do.  And thanks again.”  She watched him until the elevator door closed, swallowing him up into nothingness and then she turned to face her husband.

******

Marlena looked behind her as Eugene took her hand.  Just a few seconds before they had been at the top of that beautiful building and now they were several blocks away, viewing the majesty of it as it soared upwards into the stars.  She smiled as she turned back to her companion and tucked her arm through his steadying herself.

 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”

 

“Give it a couple of centuries and you might surprise yourself,” Q grinned mischievously.

 

“Yeah, *right*.”  Marlena rolled her eyes exaggeratedly.  “So, where are we headed now Mr. Q?”

 

“I thought we might take a walk in the park.”  Q motioned to Central Park which was just metres away.

 

“Gene, *this* time of the night?”  Marlena looked at him as if he had suddenly gone insane.  “That’s tantamount to *suicide* in this city.”

 

“Hey, I’m not just a pretty face you know.” Q winked at her.  “Taking care of a few thugs isn’t exactly beyond my capacity.”

 

Marlena frowned as she pushed the loose hair out of her eyes.  Q could see her misgivings and he turned to face her.

 

“I promise, it’ll be safe.”  He reached out and rebuttoned her sweat top with infinite care.  “You must know that I would never do *anything* that would put you in any danger.”

 

“Of course I know that…” Marlena fiddled with his zipper again.  “I just get… nervous I suppose,” she shrugged her shoulders.

 

“Trust me,” Eugene lifted her hand and kissed the back of it softly.  “It’s a beautiful night, a beautiful place and I’m not about to let anything happen to you.  Well, at least nothing that you don’t *want* to happen.”

 

“Well, how can I say no to that?” Marlena laughed, feeling oddly reassured by his jesting.

 

“Well, you’re not *supposed* to say no,” Q squeezed her hand, “that’s the whole point.”

 

“Okay then, I give in.  You’ve convinced me.”  Marlena insinuated her arm around his waist as she looked toward the park.  If she could trust anyone not to put her in danger, and to look after her, it was Eugene.  She smiled up at her partner, her eyes sparkling. “Lead on Mac-Q.”

Chapter 59 – Night Vision

Kristen pushed irritably at the door and entered the Brady pub.  It appeared to have been an unusually busy evening and there were still quite a few patrons seated in booths near the curtained windows.  Caroline was wiping glasses behind the antique bar when Kristen caught her eye and Kristen knew that the smile she produced was about as genuine as the one she had plastered on her own face.

 

“Hi there Caroline,” she dropped her purse on the counter and hefted her ungainly body onto a bar stool.

 

“Kristen.”  Caroline acknowledged the younger woman, hoping that her face didn’t betray the complete contempt that washed through her.  “What can I get for you?”

 

“Hmmm…,” Kristen thought for a moment, “how about a glass of orange juice?”  She threw her long fair hair back over her shoulders and rested her elbows on the counter as she watched Caroline throw down her cloth.

 

“Coming right up.”  

 

Caroline busied herself pouring the juice while Kristen cast her eyes around the cozy pub, wondering how to frame the questions that floated around in her head.  Her attention was brought back to the bar as Caroline placed the frosty glass in front of her and then wiped her hands on the towel that was tucked in the waistband of her apron.

 

“So how are you, Kristen?” she asked softly.  After all that this woman had done to separate and cause pain for John and Marlena, Caroline really had no compassion left in her but for the child that Kristen carried.  John’s child.  And for that child she would do her best to be civil for as long as she had to.

 

“Oh, I guess I’m doing okay.”  Kristen took a sip of her orange juice, savoring the bitterness of it against her tongue as she placed the glass back on her coaster.  Deliberately she bit her lip and glanced up at Caroline in an effort to elicit some shred of pity that the older woman might retain.  “I suppose it’s just kind of hard, thinking about having this baby on my own.”  She let out a heavy sigh and played her finger dolefully around the rim of the glass.

 

“That’s only natural,” Caroline offered with all the sympathy she could muster.  “I am sorry for everything that has happened Kristen.”  However, nothing could disguise the underlying tone in her voice that left Kristen in no doubt that her sympathy lay completely in John and Marlena’s court and that she held Kristen responsible for everything that had happened to them.

 

Fine Caroline.  If that’s how you want to play it…..

 

“Oh, don’t get me wrong.”  Kristen’s expression melted into one of contrition.  “I do know that I brought this on myself.  I did some really terrible things for very bad reasons and I’m not exactly proud of that.”  She frowned and stirred the orange juice with the straw.  “There is absolutely no excuse for the way I behaved, and I know that I’m probably paying for that now…”  she sighed again, slightly more softly this time and looked back up at the woman in front of her.  She was gratified that Caroline’s expression seemed to have softened slightly, but she noted that her arms were still crossed in front of her defensively.  “I just don’t think that John’s child should have to suffer for my indiscretions Caroline.”  A flush of triumph suffused her as she Caroline softened perceptibly.  That’s it, that’s her weak point Kristen.  Now play to it.  She let her expression fall noticeably.  “He hasn’t called to see how the baby is for days.”

 

“I’m sure that John will not let what’s happened between the two of you affect the child you share.”  Caroline slipped out from behind the bar and walked around to where Kristen sat.  She leaned against the next stool and regarded the blonde in front of her.  “John is a wonderful father.  You must know that.  He would do anything for any of his children.”

 

“I do know that Caroline,” she managed a wavering smile but inside she was incensed that the conversation should turn to John’s *other* family once again.  She could care less about the children that John already had.  What was important was the baby that would bind him to her.  Forever.  

******

John stood under the streetlight and stared at the green expanse in front of him.  Walking in Central Park after dark was probably about the most foolish thing a person could do in New York, but something drew him towards the park.  He couldn’t explain it, but it was as though his feet had a mind of their own and they kept coming back to the edge of the sparsely wooded area.

 

He rubbed his hand over his unshaven chin, irritating more than soothing the itch of the skin there.  Turning back to the street, he watched a couple of cabs drive past at a leisurely pace.  It was getting late and the streets around him were now all but silent.  He knew his hotel was only several blocks away but sleeping was hardly an option at the moment.  The last thing he needed to do was to stare at the ceiling for seven hours obsessing over Marlena.  He had done enough of that already.

 

John turned with a sigh and looked at the footpath through the grass again.  He had no idea what he was looking for, or indeed if there was anything to find.  He just knew that it was driving him crazy and somehow the possible consequences didn’t seem any worse than what he had already been through.  

 

Frowning, and jamming his hands in the pockets of his black denim jeans, he set off.

******

Marlena reached up and wrapped her fingers around Gene’s hand, which hung over her shoulder.  Her apprehensiveness had dissipated the longer they had been in the park until, instead of nervously watching the shadows, she was openly enjoying the beauty of the grounds around her.

 

Every surface was glazed with a soft silvery light, dark shadows filtering across the moon-bleached grass.  In front of them lay a stretch of dark water, the moon reflected in a white glimmering disc on the surface of the smooth lake.

 

Marlena took a deep breath as the sounds of the traffic faded away, leaving the quiet contemplative hush of the breeze that whispered through the trees surrounding them.  She tugged on Eugene’s hand with a private smile and led him down to the water’s edge where she leaned on the iron railing.   She felt his uncertainty as he took his hand from her shoulder and stood behind her, quietly contemplating the glinting reflections of moonlight sliding across the water.  Silently, she reached behind her and found his hand.  Drawing it around her waist, she leaned back against him and laid her other hand atop his as he slid it around her until he was encircling her with his arms.  

 

Q felt her relax against him and he closed his eyes momentarily, breathing in the sweet scent of her, mingling with the soft spring night.  When he opened his eyes again, she turned her head and looked at him.

 

“This is perfect,” she whispered.

 

“I’m glad you like it.”  He smiled at her, the feeling of her so close finally banishing his uneasiness.  Pulling her even closer, he nuzzled at her ear, enchanted by the way she shivered at his touch.  

 

“Mmmm…” his breath tickled at her sensitive skin, “you smell wonderful.”  

 

Marlena closed her eyes and held his arms as she felt herself respond to him.  Her breathing quickened and her head dropped back as she felt his lips trace and invisibly fiery line down the side of her neck.  She groaned as she felt his teeth graze her earlobe and move across her cheek as he twisted her in his arms.  

 

With no warning, he pulled away slightly.  Marlena opened her eyes and disappointedly looked up at him.

 

“It’s okay,” he winked at her.  ‘I just thought you might like to maybe sit down somewhere.  It might be a little more comfortable than this railing.”  He motioned with a grin to the bench a few meters away.

 

“Oh,” Marlena let out a giggle.  “Sure, why not.”

 

She followed him to the bench and sat down next to him, slipping her hands into his.

 

“Thank you again for such a magical night,” she whispered softly, her face glowing with a faintly pink flush.  “I’m not quite sure what I did to deserve all this spoiling, but whatever it was, I just want you to know I have had the most wonderful time.”  Q rolled his eyes slightly and smiled.

 

“I think I’ve told you before that just being you is more than enough to deserve special treatment.”  He let go of one of her hands and reached up with a small smile to brush away the tears which had spilled onto her cheeks.  “That’s supposed to make you smile, not produce these tears you seem so fond of.”

 

Marlena didn’t answer him, just brushed her fingers slowly over his lips and lifted her eyes to his, telling him her reply without words.  Then she cupped his cheek with the palm of hand, her thumb trailing over his lightly tanned skin and captured his lips with hers, drawing him into a gentle, loving kiss.

******

Kristen smiled at Caroline, knowing she couldn’t let John’s almost-mother see her ambivalence towards John’s children.  

“I know how much he loves Belle and Brady and how wonderful he is with them, but I also know how much he loved their mothers.” Or at least he thinks he does.  For now.  She twisted the diamond solitaire that she was wearing on her right hand.  “I’m just afraid that John’s anger toward me will spill over into ambivalence toward our baby.”  She bit on her top lip, inducing a tear in the corner of her eye.  “And I want more than anything in the world for him to have the security that comes from being loved unconditionally by both of his parents.  Maybe if I’d had that sort of security, I’d crave it less now.”  She looked up at Caroline, playing her final card.  “Oh, I shouldn’t be sitting here, feeling sorry for myself and dumping all this on you.  I’m sure you have far better things to do with your time.”

 

“You needed someone to talk to.”  Caroline patted her arm, her expression suddenly and inexplicably igniting a spark of guilt in Kristen.  “I do understand your fears Kristen, but as far as John not calling you, he’s out of town at the moment and I’m sure that he just hasn’t had a chance.”

“He is?”  Kristen quelched whatever weakness she had momentarily felt and feigned innocence.  “I had no idea he was going away.  He certainly never said anything to me.  Do you have any idea when he’ll be back?”

 

“It was unexpected,” Caroline offered by way of explanation as she had about as much idea as Kristen.  John had left a garbled message on their answerphone, but he had been scant on actual information.  “And no, I’m not sure when he’ll be back.”  She flashed a smile and then stood again, having spent about as much time as she could handle with Kristen.  “I shouldn’t imagine it would be for a few days though.”

 

“I guess that makes me feel a little better then.”  Kristen’s lips twitched with a smile.

 

“Good,” Caroline was suddenly unsettled again as she looked at the bar.  Somehow in counseling Kristen, she felt as though she was betraying John and Marlena.  “I think I’d better get back to work now Kristen.”

 

“Alright then,” Kristen nodded her head and picked up her purse from the counter and slipped off her own stool.  “I think I’ll just head over to one of the booths and finish this drink.”

 

They said their stilted good-byes, a fragile alliance dissolving in seconds and Kristen made her way to one of the more secluded booths.  Watching Caroline put of the corner of her eye, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed.

 

“Peter, it’s me.  I need your help.”

******

John felt as though he might be losing his mind when he saw the couple on the park bench in the distance.  They were silhouetted in the moonlight, but something about the way she moved sent shivers through him.  His heart began to hammer in his chest, and he broke into a cold sweat as he watched her move her hand to her partners face and then lean in and kiss him.  

 

John swallowed heavily as he shook his head.  It couldn’t be.  He was in New York and Marlena was hundreds of miles away in Salem.  There was no way she could be here.  No coincidence could be that unkind.  

 

Of course, that didn’t leave many options.  Either the couple didn’t exist at all, and he was just creating them from his overwrought imagination, or he was simply imagining that the couple looked like Marlena and Eugene.  Either way, John realized, he had to be losing his mind.  

 

He closed his eyes and shook his head, but when he opened them again, they were still there, making out in the moonlight.  With effort, he turned away, determined to ignore his hysterical imaginings and just walk back to the hotel.  But, after two steps, he turned his head.  They were no longer kissing, but their body language was as intimate as any two lovers, and he knew he had to find out for sure.

******

Q and Marlena were oblivious to their observer as they found themselves drawing apart breathlessly.  Marlena bowed her head, her forehead resting against Eugene’s chin as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.  She felt safe and so loved that again it brought her close to tears.  However much Eugene tried to convince her, part of her was sure she didn’t deserve this much love and attention showered on her.

 

Her train of vague thoughts was interrupted as Eugene cleared his throat.  She looked up at him and he smiled waveringly.  Her glance became questioning as he searched for the words that would express what he needed to say to her.

 

“Um…” he looked down to where her hand had comfortingly closed around his and then up to where her eyes twinkled, encouraging him to say what he had to say.  “Marlena,” he swallowed nervously.  “I really don’t want to put any pressure on you or cause you any discomfort.  I…”  he faltered, his heart beating so loudly in his ears that it almost drowned out his words.  A light squeeze from her fingers reassured him.  “It’s just that there’s something I really need to tell you and I can’t put it off any longer.”

******

John neared the bench, his heart in his mouth.  He blinked the tears from his eyes as they told him what his heart had refused to believe.  It was them.  He knew the way she moved too well.  Every curve of her face seemed to be etched into his memory and that wouldn’t let him fool himself any longer.  As fantastic as it seemed, she was here in New York.  And of all places, she was right here, at the water’s edge, the same place he had been drawn to.  But instead of being alone as she had so many times before, she was now in the arms of another man.

 

He skirted the tall shrub in front of him until he caught Eugene’s words, sending hot knives of jealousy through him.  Then, with no warning John saw Marlena lift her head and look around.  Before her eyes reached him, he dodged back behind the bush that he had skirted to get to the bench.  Feeling fearfully cold all of a sudden, he held his breath and waited for her to call out his name.

******

Marlena was distracted from Gene’s words by what she thought was a movement behind the bench as the moon slipped stealthily behind a cloud.  Her mouth went dry as she saw the shadowy figure dart behind the tree.  It wasn’t that she was afraid, but rather that the feelings seemed so close and so familiar.  But the shrub was silent now, the moonlight bright again and illuminating the vacant landscape.  It seemed as if it had been her imagination after all. 

 

She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the image of John that suddenly flooded her mind.  It seemed to be happening more and more frequently now and it left her feeling both upset and guilty.  And the thought that now she was imagining seeing him when it was patently impossible was worrying.

 

“Marlena?”  Gene drew her attention back and she did her best to shake off the discomfort that she felt with a slight smile.

 

“Sorry ‘Gene.  I just thought I saw something.”  Her smile became brighter.  “Guess it was just my nerves winning out again.”  Eugene brushed her hair from her face with a slightly shaking hand.  

 

“I think I have some idea how that feels.”

 

Marlena was immediately flushed with guilt as she realized that she was again thinking about John when Eugene was thinking only of her.  She was hardly being fair.  She had to stop doing this to herself and to him before she destroyed this relationship too.  Pushing all thoughts of John to the back of her mind, she squeezed Gene’s hand again.

 

“Go on.”

 

Gene took a deep breath and looked down again, avoiding her eyes for a moment.

 

“I….,”  he frowned and looked up at her again.  “This is hard for me to say Marlena.  I’m not sure that you want to hear it and I’ve never been here before, but…”  he pressed his lips together and then took a deep breath as he looked out over the lake.  “I can’t help how I feel Marlena.”  His eyes glimmered as he looked back at her.  “ I know that you have made no commitment, that’s the condition – we take this one day at a time and see what happens.  And truly,” he stroked his thumbs across hers as he held her hands, “that’s enough for me.  I’m not asking you for anything more.  I just have to tell you the truth.”   He looked even more nervous as he faced her.  “I love you.  And I’d do anything for you.”

 

He waited for Marlena’s reaction, suddenly mentally kicking himself for being so stupid as to actually tell her how he felt.  This was all she needed at the moment.  He was almost dreading her response, but he realized after a moment, with some relief, that although she looked a little surprised, she didn’t seem upset.  

 

After a moment, she blinked her eyes and smiled.

 

“I…I don’t know quite what to say Gene.”

 

“You don’t have to say anything.”  Q said quickly.  “Really, I’m not looking for any sort of response.  I just simply felt that I owed to you and maybe to myself to be honest.  Of course, if it upsets you or makes you uncomfortable, I’d understand that.”

 

Marlena saw the insecurity flit across his face again and felt her heart melt.  Moving closer to him, she laced her fingers between his and smoothed the hair above his brow.

 

“I’m not uncomfortable,” she replied softly.  “I’m very touched.  You’re a wonderful man.  You’re sweet and you’re very giving.  I couldn’t be upset.  Just happy and…” she smiled almost shyly,  “it makes me realize something.”

 

“What’s that?”  Q felt his heart hammering in his chest and was sure she must be able to hear it.  If she could, she didn’t show it as her eyes filled and she smiled again.

 

“I love you too.”

Chapter 60 – Frustrations

John backed behind the shrub again and looked up at the sky, trying to ignore the turmoil that was threatening to tear his chest apart.  He couldn’t believe what he had just heard.  This whole situation was becoming more unreal by the minute, and he could have almost convinced himself that he was dreaming, if only the pain didn’t feel so agonizingly palpable.

 

His eyes were burning as he looked back at the couple on the park bench.  He felt the pain stab achingly at him again as he saw Eugene smile and caress Marlena’s face.  The smile she returned threatened to choke him.  He knew that look only too well, and like the simple words she had uttered earlier, it sent lancing pains through him.  That look and those words should be for him, they had been for years until he had screwed it up.  Until he had driven her away through his ignorance and sheer stupidity.

 

Marlena threaded her fingers through Eugene’s hair and leaned forward.  John watched her deposit a sweet and gentle kiss on the other man’s lips, and he moaned noiselessly.  Surely this couldn’t be happening to him.  It was all too bizarre.   How could he have lost her to Eugene Bradford, of all people?

 

He closed his eyes again, a swallow forcing its way down his parched throat.   He turned away, the silence from the bench too much for him and slipped behind the bush again, an unnoticed shadow to the other participants in the tableau.

******

Peter placed the portable phone on the table and looked at it in disbelief.  Without Stefano around to keep her in check, Kristen was becoming more and more unhinged as time went on.   It wasn’t just the fact that she was so insistent on chasing John around when he so obviously didn’t want her, but it was also the way she was going about it.

 

Peter knew some of what Kristen was going through.  It had taken him a long time to come to terms with the fact that however much he wanted Jennifer, she didn’t want anything to do with him now.  But it seemed that the more distanced he became from Stefano’s memory, the more he seemed to be able to accept that fact.  He didn’t like it, but unless he wanted to forcibly take Jenn and Abby and spirit them away somewhere no-one could find them, what more could he do?  And what good had that done Stefano after all his repeated attempts?  He was dead and the good Dr. Evans was still in love with John Black.

 

But Kristen seemed to be using a different line of reasoning.  To her the only aim was to keep John within her grasp, no matter what it cost her, or anyone else.  She had lost any shred of dignity she’d ever had, and she seemed to be sinking deeper into a delusion that mired her in opprobrium.  

 

Even worse than this was the haphazard way she came up with her plans to win John back.  They had ceased to even make any sense to Peter anymore.  Of course, he wasn’t under the illusion that John had any feelings left for Kristen other than disgust.  But she was his sister, and as such he was duty-bound to help her in her hopeless quest.  And hopeless it was.

 

It seemed more than obvious to him that John would never love anyone the way he loved Marlena, and even though they weren’t together at the moment and having evident problems, nothing would ever make him turn back to Kristen.  

 

But, like a dutiful brother, Peter had done as Kristen had requested and kept a man on John until he had disappeared several days ago.  And, since John had not yet returned from his trip, Kristen had now decided that she would take fate into her own hands and move a large proportion of her belongings back into John’s loft.  What good that would do, Peter had no idea.  But that was what she wanted, and that was what she would get.  

 

Peter sighed and rubbed his forehead as he picked up the phone again.  It was going to be a long night.

******

In the sky above them, a sliver of smoky cloud slipped cunningly across the pale moon, obliterating its voyeuristic gaze over the earth below.  John stared into the growing blackness in front of him and shook his head.  He should have known.  He had tried to convince himself that Eugene Bradford had meant nothing to Marlena, that she had taken comfort in his arms as a form of revenge, of payback for all the times he had hurt her by being with Kristen.  It had been in some ways easier to believe that.  Then it was still all about the two of them, and Eugene was incidental. 

 

But it had been wishful thinking.  It had been skewed thinking.  He knew Marlena well enough to know that she didn’t engage in games.  Revenge wasn’t her style.  He could have expected that sort of thing from Kristen, but never Marlena.  He felt slightly ashamed for even thinking it.  

 

And not only that, but as she had pointed out, she had spent four long years alone.  She was a beautiful, sexy woman and she could have had any man she desired.  But she had wanted him, she had loved him, and he had been with Kristen.   He had made her wait too long and now she wanted Eugene Bradford.  And it wasn’t just because she was lonely or because she wanted to hurt John like he had hurt her.  It had, John realized, very little to do with him at all.

 

He ran his fingers through his hair as his heart ached inside him.  She had spent so many years loving him and he had spent those same years stupidly denying his feelings for her, and finally she hadn’t been able to, or maybe she hadn’t wanted to, wait any longer.  And of course, Eugene had been there, taking care of her, drying the tears that she had shed over John, being her friend.  Loving her.  

 

John shook his head again.  Of course.  He had always loved her, and he had been her best friend.  He had been there to cherish her and offer her the love that John had been unable to give her.   He wasn’t taking advantage of her; he was just offering her what she needed.  And he was making her happy.  That was all any of them had ultimately ever wanted, for her to be happy.  And they had all ended up hurting her, in one way or another.

 

John looked out over the darkened park with slumped shoulders and thought of his family.  Of Belle and Brady and the new child he and Marlena were expecting, the child she didn’t even know about.  A solitary tear escaped his reddened eye.

******

Marlena sighed with pleasure as she slid her arms around Q’s neck.  She shifted until she was practically sitting in his lap and then she smiled with a hint of wickedness.

“So, do you have any ideas on what we can do now then?” she purred in his ear.

 

“I…ah..” Q was still speechless from her revelation several minutes before.  He had set out only to tell her how he felt, he had never expected to hear the same words in return.  He had harbored a secret fantasy that she might return his feelings, that maybe ‘wanting him’ had somehow transmuted into something more.  But hearing it from her own lips had stunned him.  This put them on a whole new footing, and he was unsure how to approach her right now.

 

Marlena noted his faltering stammer and subsequent quiet and she giggled softly.

 

“What, have you gone all shy on me all of a sudden?”  Her smile widened as she saw the blush creep indelibly up his cheeks.  “Oh my, you have!”  She ran her index finger idly over his cheek and across his lower lip.  “Mmmm…. have I ever told you how much I love your lips?”  She leaned even closer until she could feel the warmth of each apprehensive breath.  “They’re so sweet and sexy.”  Gene felt his whole body tingle as her own warm, moist lips brushed across his, barely making contact.  “They’re just like you,” he could feel the vibration against his cheek as she spoke, the closeness of her making him feel almost dizzy. “Soft and sweet and oh so sexy.”  He felt one hand slide down his back and squeeze his behind as she pressed herself up against him.  Her voice dropped and became husky as she spoke again.  “So why don’t we start here?” 

 

 She grazed her lips across his again, wordlessly asking him to make the next move.  He did as his hands slid up her arms and into her loose blonde hair.  His hands framed her face as his lips found hers,  engaging her in a kiss that started with consummate gentleness.  His lips teased hers with their hesitant and soft caresses.  Slowly the kisses became harder, his tongue slipping into her mouth,  sharing in her sweet warmth.  Marlena’s arms tightened around his neck and he felt her shallow and unsteady breaths through the clothing that separated them.  The exploration of his lips and tongue became more insistent as Marlena began to squirm against him.  His hands slid down her sides and spanned her hips as she wriggled sideways so that she was actually sitting on his lap, her legs curled up on the bench.  One hand slid downward, over the outside of the cream sweatpants and she moaned against his mouth as his fingers danced back up the inside of her thigh.

 

She was gasping for breath as she pulled away, her mind unable to focus on anything but on the way Eugene’s hand felt as it slid under her sweat top.  Her body felt like it was on fire, and she wished they were anywhere private right now.  Anywhere but in Central Park.

 

“Oh *man*.”  She shook her head, trying to clear her mind of the shroud of lust.  She leant her forehead against Gene’s again as she tried to catch her breath.  “Oh my.”  She lifted her head and looked at Q, realizing that he was just as affected as her.  She traced her fingers across his forehead and down over his temple until she was cupping his cheek in her hand.

 

Q looked at her with a lustful smile which fanned her desire even higher.  She returned his gaze with eyes that were almost chocolate in color and then she leaned close again so that he could feel the hot breaths that seared across his cheek to his ear.

 

“Why don’t we go and find somewhere a little more comfortable?”  she whispered breathily before capturing his earlobe between her teeth and nibbling softly on it.

 

Gene groaned and regretfully put a little space between them.

 

 “If you don’t stop that soon, I won’t be able to go *anywhere*.”  She looked at him with wide eyes.

 

“Oh,” a throaty giggle bubbled from her lips.  “Oh dear.”  She grinned at him.  “Alright then…let’s get out of here.”

 

She slid off him and stood up, straightening her rumpled clothing.  She took Gene’s hand as he stood up too and then stood still as he tucked her tousled hair behind her ears.

 

“Oh, this is really starting to bug me,” she said frustratedly as she pulled her fingers through the disheveled blonde locks, “one day I’m going to have it all cut off.”

 

“Oh don’t do that,” Eugene brushed the bangs out of her eyes, “that would be tragic.”  He took her chin gently between her fingers and looked into her eyes.  “You’re perfect as you are.”

******

John turned around again, just in time to see Marlena take Q’s hand as he kissed her again.  They were standing up and John shrank back into the shrub, his heart in his mouth.  Part of him wanted to go out there and confront them, but what purpose would it serve?  It was really none of his business what they did, and as much as he wanted to go to Marlena and ask her forgiveness, he didn’t think it would be particularly forthcoming.  He watched Eugene brush a wisp of hair from Marlena’s cheek and heard Marlena’s lilting laugh drift across the still evening air.

 

He watched them walk away, feeling hollow inside.  There wasn’t even pain anymore.  Just a dull empty ache.  With sad eyes he stood, staring at the receding figures, and then he turned and began to walk in the opposite direction.

******

The man sat in a chair and stared out of the window in frustration.  Outside the afternoon sun was creating a golden halo through the autumn leaves on the trees, a prelude to the onset of fall, a rapid affair in this city.  The nurse approached the patient with apprehension.  He had a reputation as one with no use for incompetence and it was well known among the staff of the private clinic that it was best not to upset him.  

 

When he had first been transferred, he had been pleasant enough, but as time had gone on and he had begun to heal, but he had been frustrated by the slow pace of the progress and the refusal of the doctors to release him.  Finally, he had retreated into a shell, withdrawing from the people around him.  He had one visitor, an American man who visited him every few months, but even he couldn’t elicit a smile from the mystery patient.

 

The nurse gently touched the man on the shoulder.

“Mr. Minelli, it’s time for your physical therapy.”  She waited nervously for the response.  The man didn’t look at her, but simply nodded with a silent sigh.  Yet another day in paradise.

******

“So, where to now?” Q asked Marlena as he caught her hand up in his.

 

“Where do you suggest?” Marlena raised her eyebrows playfully.  “After all you’ve spent the whole evening surprising me.  Why stop now?”

 

“Well, I’m not the only one that’s been full of surprises this evening,” Q wove his fingers between hers.

 

“What are you trying to say?” Marlena rounded on him with a  sexy grin.

 

“I wasn’t trying to infer anything at *all*,” he returned with a deceptively bland smile as he pulled on her hand bringing her up against him for a fervent kiss.

 

“Oh sure,” her hand crept down the front of his sweat top.

 

“Marlena.”  There was a warning tone in Eugene’s voice.  He was having a hard enough time keeping his hands off her as it was.

 

“What?” she was all innocence as her fingers continued their downward descent.

 

“That,” he removed her hand, “is really not a good idea right now.”

 

“Why?” her eyes were dancing as she teased him.  “You’re a big boy now, I would have thought you could handle a little more of me than that.”

 

Gene narrowed his eyes and shook his head with a sly smile.  

 

“Oh, I believe me, handling you is a full-time job.  But the question is Dr. Evans, how much can *you* handle?”

 

“Why, are you offering?” Marlena raised her eyebrows temptingly as she backed away from him.  “Cos if you are, you’re going to have to catch me first.”    Her last words floated back to him as she began to run over the pale silver grass.  Q shook his head with a grin and followed her.

******

John heard the blues music emitting from the bar he passed.  It was a downstairs club, and it didn’t appear very big from the outside, but it was obviously popular.  His footsteps slowed as he turned to glance at the bar again. The music could be heard above the hubbub of voices and somehow the combination suited his mood.  The last thing he wanted to be right now was alone in his hotel room so, to his own surprise, he found himself descending the steps into the dimly lit venue.

 

On a small stage on one side of the smoky room a man sat picking a guitar and singing.  He was accompanied by a man plucking a well-worn double bass and an older man whose fingers skimmed agilely over the keyboard of an ancient looking piano.  John made his way to the bar and ordered a double scotch on the rocks.  He slid the bartender a fifty-dollar bill and downed the drink in a single mouthful.  The bartender filled the glass again and John picked it up as he turned on his stool to watch the patrons of the bar.

******

Being a tall man, Eugene caught up to her quickly and brought her tumbling to the ground with a soft tackle.  He fell on top of her, pinning her to the ground.

 

 “Oh!” she gasped; the wind knocked out of her.  She lay back with a grin as she looked up into Q’s eyes.  “Well, I guess you caught me then.”

 

“So, what do you want me to do with you now that I have you?” Q raised his eyebrows tantalizingly.

 

“Well, I would think that you should have sufficient imagination to work that out for yourself,” Marlena shifted so that she was free of his hands, and then with a laugh she flipped over and began to crawl away.

 

“Oh no you don’t!” Q caught her ankle as she tried to get up and dragged her back to the ground.  Marlena let out a shriek and then a loud laugh as he began to tickle her.

 

“No!…Oh…oh!”  Tears were forming at the corner of her eyes.

“Give in?” Q teasingly offered her a reprieve.

 

“Never!”  Marlena began to kick at him with squeals of laughter as his hands ducked and wove around her, finding her most ticklish spots with infuriating accuracy.

 

“Never is an awfully long time,” he laughed as she squirmed to get away.  “How about we call a truce?”  He pulled his hands away and held them up.  “You stop running away and I’ll stop tickling you.  Sound fair?”

 

“Fair?”  Marlena panted, trying to catch her breath.  “That might sound fair to you, but how about we play by *my* rules?”  

 

With no warning she pulled Eugene’s arm from under him and flipped him over onto his back.  With a grin, she swung her leg over him and positioned herself so that she was sitting astride his hips, her hands on his chest to steady herself.

 

“There now.  I think I like this arrangement much better.”

 

“Not too bad from this angle either,” Gene lay his hands over hers.  “So now you’ve got me.  Any idea what you want to do with me?”

 

“Oh, my head is full of ideas,” Marlena winked at him, “but none of them are fit for verbalizing.”

 

“Ooh, I think I like the sound of that,” he slowly pulled her hands upwards over his chest, pulling her down towards him.  “How about a private demonstration?”

 

Marlena didn’t say anything but leaned over him so that her hair brushed his face.  Gene slid his hands up her arms and down her sides as he watched her eyes.  Even in the dark they were almost golden in color, echoing the hue of her hair.  He slid his hands around her waist and under her sweat top, eliciting a shiver from her as he skimmed them up over the bare skin of her back.  Her lips parted slightly as she leaned down and brushed them across his.  Her hands were in Gene’s hair as he hungrily returned her kiss, pulling her closer to him as his hands searched for her bra strap.  She felt his light nibbles on her lower lip as he deftly unhooked her bra and slid one of his hands around to her front.  Breathing in sharply, she felt his fingers caressing her and she tilted her head back as his lips slid down the soft skin of her throat.  A moan slipped easily from her lips as he dipped his tongue into the hollow of her throat at the same time as he brushed his fingers across her already hard nipple.

 

It came as a surprise to her when he rolled her over onto her back again.  She was in no mood to argue with him though and she pulled him down for another hungry kiss, her tongue eagerly searching out his, her hands colliding with her knees at his buttocks.

 

She could have cursed Q when he pulled away from her, withdrawing his hand from under her sweat top.

 

“Gene!”  Her eyes were glazed as she let her head drop back to the ground.

 

“Not here,” he murmured quietly.  She looked at the lightly wooded area around them and regretfully nodded her head.

 

“You have to know I don’t give up that easily.”

 

“I’d be terribly offended if you did.”  Q struggled uncomfortably to his knees and pulled Marlena into a sitting position.  “Do you want to go back to Salem now?”

 

Marlena finished fastening her bra with a small smile and looked at him speculatively.

 

“Not particularly.  Do you have any better options?” 

 

“I think I may be able to come up with something that may pass as adequate.”   He smiled and took her hand as he got to his feet.  She followed.  “Let’s see what you think of this idea.”

******

The blonde slid onto the seat next to him and smiled seductively.  Her hair was cut into a short bob and she was wearing an extremely clingy black dress.  Her green eyes glittered as she appraised the man next to her.  She ordered a martini from the barman and sat playing with the olive as she shot glances at the dark, unshaven man next to her.  He glanced in her direction for a moment, but then returned his attention to the glass that had been refilled in front of him.

 

She narrowed her eyes and then leaned back against the bar behind her, exposing her amply enhanced cleavage.

 

“Hi there,” her voice was deliberately husky.  He simply nodded his head.  “Are you from around here?” she persisted, trying to extract a response.  Once she had his attention, she was sure she could get what she wanted.  “I don’t think I remember seeing you before.  I’m sure I would remember a face like yours.”

 

John took a mouthful of his drink and with misgivings, he turned round to the woman sitting beside him.

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

“Hi,” she smiled sexily as she held out her hand, “I’m Amy.”

 

“John Black,” he nodded his head and shook her hand cursorily before he picked up his scotch again. 

 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you John Black,” she refused to be put off.  “So, what brings you to these parts?”

 

The muscles in John’s face tightened.  He wasn’t even vaguely interested in this woman next to him.  He wasn’t interested in anyone except Marlena.  Suddenly he didn’t even know why he was here.

 

“Look, I’m sorry but I think you have the wrong guy.” He downed his drink and stood up.  “I think I had better go.”  

 

Her reply of “Asshole!” floated after him as he walked out of the bar. 

Chapter 61 – New York, New York

Marlena turned around, her jaw dropping slightly as she looked up at the façade of the hotel in front of her.  Q took her hand in his and led her up the steps.  The lobby of the Carlyle was small and understated, but the impression was of a subtle opulence.  It had an exclusive European feel to it and an eye for detail could discern the elegant and expensive furnishings under the soft glow emanating from Tiffany lamps.  Gene turned to her.

 

“Will this do?” he whispered with a smile.  Marlena could only nod, her eyes wide.

 

She followed him to the desk where the night clerk was on duty.

 

“Yes sir, can I help you?”  The snide look on his face told them that he was less than impressed with their attire and no doubt by the time they had chosen to appear.

“Yes, you can,” Q wasn’t about to let this spotty-faced pipsqueak ruin his night.  He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a platinum American Express card.  He laid it on the counter with a condescending smile.  “We need to pick up the key to our suite.  We checked in earlier, but you’ll probably need the card to confirm.”  

 

The clerk nodded, disbelief plain in his eyes as he picked up the card from the polished wooden counter.  

 

“I’ll be right back,” he managed a haughty smile before he disappeared through a door, no doubt to check the validity of the credit card.

 

Marlena looked at Q in amazement.  She had never encountered this sort of treatment at a hotel before.  He grinned back at her.  

 

“Well, we’re not exactly dressed to the nines.  I guess they’re not used to quite *this* degree of casualness.”  He indicated Marlena’s clothing and she looked down.  The knees of her white sweatpants were stained with grass and dirt, an adornment that seemed to travel all the way up her rumpled clothing.  She chuckled ruefully, a blush seeping into her cheeks as she pulled her fingers through her tangled hair.

 

“Oh, I guess not.”

 

“You still look gorgeous to me,” he kissed her forehead.

 

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.”  Marlena stroked his cheek with her thumb and then kissed him.

 

Gene’s face broke out into a wide smile.

 

“How about we blow that moron’s mind?” he asked her, indicating the door which the clerk had passed through.

 

“What?  How?”  Marlena had no idea what he had in mind.

 

“Just close your eyes for a moment,” he entreated her with some excitement.  Marlena looked at him, her eyebrows raised, and then did as he asked.  She heard a small click and suddenly she felt the cool draft of the air-conditioning drift across her shoulders.  She opened her eyes and looked at Eugene.  He wore a tuxedo with a blue bow-tie.  The sight of it evoked a smile as it called to long forgotten memories.  

 

He took a deep breath, stunned at how beautiful she looked.

 

“Turn around,” he told her in a low voice.

In the mirror before her she saw that her hair was now piled up on her head in an elegant French twist, tendrils framing the sides of her face.  Discrete diamonds swung from her ears and nestled at the base of her throat.  Her dress was a strapless creation cut from an exquisite mauve-blue satin.  Rhinestones littered the straps of her matching shoes.

 

Gene walked up behind her and pulled the satin wrap closer around her shoulders.  She shook her head, amazed and thrilled at the same time. 

 

“I feel like Cinderella.”  He dropped a kiss on a shoulder that was lightly dusted with freckles.

 

“You look more beautiful than Cinderella ever did.”

 

“Flattery will get you everywhere,” her voice was husky as she turned around in his arms.  

 

However, any further conversation was forestalled by the re-appearance of the clerk .  He was looking at the card as he came into the room.

 

“Mr. Bra-”  He was stopped short by the couple with their arms around each other.  He closed his eyes and then opened them again.  His mouth hung open as he stared at them.  Only moments before, they had looked like they had come through an army obstacle course.  But now…..  How had they had time to change?  For her to look like *that*?

 

“Yes?” Eugene prompted the man as Marlena stifled a giggle.  The clerk blinked a couple of times and then attempted to pull himself together.

 

“Um….” He looked at the card again and then handed it to Eugene.  “Everything seems to be in order Mr. Bradford.”  He slipped a piece of paper onto the counter and Q quickly signed for it.  Then he handed them a key.  “Your suite is on the top floor.  Enjoy your stay with us.”

 

Eugene wasn’t looking at him, but at Marlena when he smiled and said that they sure would.  The clerk watched them walk to the elevator and shook his head.  He was going to have to go back to his therapist because that was way too weird.

******

John walked wearily into his hotel and noted that the lobby was empty.  He rubbed at his gritty eyes and pushed the button to call the elevator.  It arrived almost immediately, and he rode it up to the sixth floor alone.  He slid the key card into the door and opened it to the darkened room.  Closing it and locking it behind him, he threw his jacket on the chair and opened the mini bar.  He looked at the bottle of scotch and, for a moment it was tempting, but then it was not tempting enough.  More scotch would only give him a headache in the morning, and it probably wouldn’t help at all.  Instead, he pulled out a packet of salted peanuts and went to the window.  

 

Everything was still, the moon was still shining, and the city looked deceptively innocent.  Cabs slid past noiselessly denying any hint of vice.  John sighed and walked back into the room.  Dipping into his jacket, he pulled out his wallet and slipped out a worn picture of Belle and Brady.  He lay back on the bed and held the picture in front of him.  His mind traced the well memorized lines of his children’s faces, the way their eyes sparkled, the joyous sound of their laughter.  The love in their hugs.  

 

He loved his children so much.  Even the newest one.  He loved the child already and wished again that he could tell Marlena the truth.  But then, he wondered how much difference would it make?  

******

Sami’s eyes flew open with the loud thump.  She held her breath and tried to hear over the howling wind.   It was several moments before she heard another loud crash from outside her apartment.  Her heart pounding wildly in her chest, she swung her legs out of the bed and onto the cold wooden floor.  Pulling a robe on over her T-shirt and boxers, she crept to the door of her bedroom.  There was a scraping noise from down the hallway.  Tears of fear formed in her eyes as she moved noiselessly towards the front door.  Her heart skipped a beat and the icy feeling of pure terror flooded her as her eyes focused on the slowly twisting doorknob.

******

Q ushered Marlena into the lift before him and told the attendant that they were destined for the thirty-fourth floor.  They stood side by side with their backs to the elevator wall and watched the numbers climb as they ascended the building.  Marlena’s hand strayed sideways, her fingers searching out and weaving between Gene’s.  The ride seemed interminable.

 

Finally, the elevator doors slid silently open and they stepped off onto the glamorously appointed top floor of the hotel.  Neither of them were particularly interested in appreciating it.  By the time they made it to the door of the suite, Marlena was in no mood to wait.  She’d been interrupted so many times this evening, there was only one thing she wanted, and she wanted it right now  

 

Before Q could get the key in the door, she was behind him on her tiptoes.  Her arms curved around his shoulders and he felt her breath behind his ear.

 

“Hurry up and open that door, would you?” she murmured, her voice loaded with anticipation.  Q could feel her pressed up behind him and he almost lost his composure.  He couldn’t remember ever wanting her more.

 

With a shaking hand, he inserted the key in the lock and opened the door.  They entered the suite and Marlena slammed the door behind them and leaned back against it, her heavy-lidded eyes sending out an explicit invitation that Eugene couldn’t resist.  She shed her wrap as he came to her, framing her face in his hands before he claimed her lips in an explosive kiss.  Marlena felt his tongue begin its sweet exploration of her mouth and she buried her fingers in his hair as she surrendered to the sensations that coursed through her. 

 

Q finally broke off the kiss and she tipped her head back, panting and arching her back as she felt his teeth grazing her jaw, taking not so gentle bites between the kisses.  A gasp escaped her as she felt his mouth envelop her earlobe, sucking on it gently.  Then a shudder echoed through her as he gently blew the tendril of hair aside and another moan slipped out as he moved upwards, his tongue sliding sensuously in and out of her ear.  

 

As he moved back down, plundering her neck, she trailed her fingers down the side of his face and further until they encountered the lapels of his jacket.  She tugged at it until he stood back up and shrugged it off.  Quickly she went to work on his bowtie, skillfully unhooking it and dropping it so that it disappeared into the soft blue folds of her wrap. 

 

He caught her lips again and moved backwards into the suite, pulling her with him as the kiss became deeper and more passionate, building to a frenzy as they reached the wall on the opposite side of the room.  Marlena was hardly aware of the movement through the room, or the fact that her back was now against the wall, rather than the door.  Not that it mattered to her particularly *where* she was.  All that mattered was what was happening to her, exquisite as it was.  

 

Q broke off the kiss with thoughts of searching for the bed, but she looked up at him with a flushed face and glazed eyes, her hair loosening almost of its own accord.  He couldn’t resist her and forgetting all about the bed, he slid his hand around the soft, warm nape of her neck and pulled her close for another kiss.  His other hand skimmed her curves and came to rest on her satin-clad behind as he felt her hands fumble with the top button of his shirt.

 

“Damn!”  She pulled away from him in frustration.  “Do they make these microscopic on purpose?” 

 

“More haste,” he teased her as he slid the top button out of its hole.

 

“More speed,” she quipped as she took the top of the shirt in her hands and pulled the two sides apart, sending buttons showering to the plush cream carpet.  With a grin, she wrenched it off his shoulders and pulled on it as he struggled out of the cuffs.  

 

She dropped it on the floor behind him and quickly pulled him against her again, this time exploring his neck with her tongue and teeth.  Q’s breathing sharpened as she nipped at the sensitive skin of his chest, stroking the tips of her fingers down over his tender nipples.  He pressed his lips together to keep from making a noise and, taking her hands in his, he pushed her back against the door.  

 

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against hers and then pulled away.  He repeated the movement, teasing her with the hint of a kiss and then withdrawing.  Frustrated, Marlena managed to loosen one of her hands from his and swing her arm around his neck.  Her satin clad body rubbed against him as she slid her tongue into his mouth, kissing him fiercely.  Gene let go of her other hand, allowing her to fling her other arm around his neck.  His hands moved lightly over her shoulders and then down over the top of her dress.  His fingers traced the line either side of her zipper, down the small of her back and over the soft curve of her buttocks.  

 

She could feel him through the fabric of her dress, his arousal apparently equaling hers as she pressed against him.  She wanted nothing more than to wrap her legs around him, but the satin skirt constricted her somewhat.  

 

“Oh God,” she murmured in his ear, “I want you so much.”

 

She felt his breath quicken again and a small moan escaped him.

“Do you want me baby?” she teased him.  His answer was to push her back against the door and kiss her again, wanting to taste all of her that he could.  He quickly kissed down her throat, lingering for a moment to kiss the hollow, where her pulse throbbed under the fragrance that had settled seductively into her skin.  He continued to taste her downwards, over the swell of her breasts which disappeared beneath the cladding of satin.  He dipped his tongue into her cleavage, tickling her with his warm breath.

 

She forced down a swallow as she felt his hands move back up her gown until the found the hidden zipper.  His eyes met hers as he slowly lowered it.  When it was all the way down, he slid the satin garment down over her hips and let it slither to the ground in a puddle of blue satin.  Marlena stepped out of it and kicked it to one side.  She looked down to discover that Q had not only dreamt up her surface clothing, but also her underclothes as well.  She was wearing cream lace, from the bustier down to her lacy thigh high stockings.

 

“Oh boy,” Eugene breathed.  Marlena looked back up at him, her face flushed, a shy smile dawning on her face.

 

“How do I look?”

 

“You look so sexy,” was all he could say.

 

“Show me,” she whispered sensuously.  

 

He didn’t need any more encouragement as he pushed her back against the door, the satin and lace of her bustier rubbing against his chest as he buried his fingers in her hair, his lips ravaging her already bruised ones.  Marlena awkwardly managed to kick off her shoes as she returned his kiss with equal desperation.  Lifting one nylon clad leg, she wrapped it around Gene’s thigh and felt him quiver in response.  His hand drifted down from her hair, into the curve of the small of her back and over her satin panties.  His fingers teased the bare flesh of the underside of her thigh, making her shiver.  He urged her leg slightly higher and slowly began to move against her as he felt her moan against his mouth.

 

Marlena was enjoying herself immensely, but she was still frustrated, this time by the fact that Eugene still wore his trousers.  He had her almost beside herself she was so aroused, it was about time to give him a taste of his own medicine.  She drew her toe down the back of his calf until she reached the floor and then pushed him away a little.  He had a question on his lips, but she touched her index finger to them to quiet it. Reaching up behind her, she pulled the remaining rhinestone clips and pins out of her hair, letting it tumble over her shoulders.

 

Q felt her hands on his shoulders and then her lips on his.  She repeated his ritual from earlier as she kissed his throat, continuing down over his chest.  However, she kept going, kneeling when she reached the waistband of his trousers.  She undid the top button with nimble fingers and then his eyes widened as she took the zipper between her teeth.  

“Ohhh,” Q had to brace himself against the wall as she inched the zipper downwards, infuriatingly slowly.  When she reached the bottom, she drew the pants over the satin boxers that he wore, and down over his hips, from where they fell to the floor.

 

“Baby,” his voice made her look up.  “Come here,” he beckoned.  She took his hand and he helped her up.  He kicked away the pants with a flourish that made them both break into giggles.  It was over quickly though as Marlena reached out and ran two fingers across Gene’s forehead.

 

“I love you,” she mouthed.  He felt his heart thump loudly in his chest.

 

“I love *you*,” he repeated back to her, his voice full of emotion.  Her hazel eyes gleamed as she took his hands in hers and placed them on the lace that covered her breasts.  Then her arms circled his neck and her lush and bruised lips stopped inches from his.

 

“Then make love to me,” she implored before she swooped her lips over his again.

 

Without a word, Gene’s fingers searched out the hooks that fastened the back of the lacy garment together.  Skillfully, he began to unhook the top hooks, but it became very quickly difficult to concentrate as he felt Marlena’s mouth sucking at the sensitive skin of his throat.  His fingers fumbled as they moved downward, and he felt her teeth first on his neck and then biting gently at his shoulder.  He threw his head back, his breathing ragged as he undid the last hooks of her bustier.  He discarded it on top of the growing pile of clothing.

 

She ceased her assault on him as his fingers swept around to her stomach, and then up and over her breasts.  A cry escaped through compressed lips as he teased her swollen nipples with his fingers.  Her hands sought the wall to steady her as his mouth replaced his fingers, his tongue arcing around her nipple.  He drew back slightly and blew on her sensitive flesh, puckering it.  Marlena’s moans became louder as he continued to lick and bite her, heightening her arousal even more.

 

Finally, when she thought she might no longer be able to stand it, he started downward again.  His hot, wet kisses burnt a path of desire over the soft swell of her stomach and over the lace of her panties.  She moaned loudly as he kissed the inside of her thigh before he nipped her lightly with his teeth.  He continued down until he encountered the lace of her thigh high.  He thought about paying her back with the teeth trick but decided that it was too fiddly and would take way too long.  Instead, he lifted her foot onto his knee and hooked his index fingers either side of the stocking.  Gently, he pulled it down over the smooth skin of her thigh and down the length of her leg.  He repeated the motion with the other stocking and threw both of them over his shoulder.  He grinned up at Marlena and then teased his way up the inside of her other thigh.  By the time he was standing again, her eyes were closed and her lips were parted.

 

Eugene reached out to caress the softness of her golden locks and twisted it around his fingers as he moved against her.  Marlena opened her eyes, revealing the lust and invitation that was echoed by the rest of her body.  The kiss that followed was the most heated yet.  

 

Gene’s hands strayed downward yet again, embracing the curve of her buttock and encouraging Marlena’s leg upwards.  She didn’t really need a lot of encouragement, and he felt her foot brush the back of his thigh as she wrapped her leg around his hip.

 

“Oh,” it was from surprise as she felt his fingers move between her legs, feeling the dampness constricted only by the panties.   She almost stopped thinking as he began to move against her again.  She could feel him through his boxers, and she wanted him to make love to her so badly it hurt.  She couldn’t say anything though as he was kissing her again, so instead she slid her hand downwards and began to stroke him through the silky fabric.  She was gratified by a loud groan from Eugene.

 

Finally, they had to stop, when their bursting lungs reminded them that they had to breathe.  Not wasting any time, Marlena’s other hand skated rapidly over Gene’s shoulders, and they met at his behind.  However, instead of squeezing it, she insinuated her hands beneath the elasticized waist band of his dark green boxers and pulled them down. Q finished the job by wriggling out of his boxers and then divested Marlena of her panties in a very similar manner.

 

“I want you so much,” Q whispered breathlessly in her ear.

“Then take me,” Marlena bent her head and kissed his chest, “make love to me now.  I need you now.”   Q gently kissed her warm forehead before brushing away her damp bangs.  Then he brushed her nose with a sweet kiss and pressed his lips to hers.  Her hands were on his shoulders as she returned the kiss, feeling his tongue collide with hers at a frantic pace.  His hands were tantalizing her again, moving over her body, driving her crazy, even as he moved against her in a slow, but steady rhythm.  

 

Marlena’s leg again wrapped around him, and her arms moved further around his neck, so that her bosom was pressed up against his chest.  He could feel her shallow breathing as he cupped his hands under her rear and lifted her slightly, supporting her against the wall.  She lifted her other leg and wrapped it around his hip, crossing her feet behind him.

 

“I need to feel you inside me, now,” she demanded.

 

“That soon?” he teased her.

 

“Yes,” she wasn’t in any mood for playful banter.

 

She moaned his name as he entered her, throwing her head backward against the wall, she concentrated on the way it felt as he slid all the way into her.  He kissed her throat and then began to slip back out of her again.  She opened her eyes.

 

“Oh no you don’t.” She tightened her grip on his hips and pressed herself against him, pulling herself slightly away from the wall.  Leaning her head down, she ran the tip of her tongue along his lower lip and then insinuated it between his lips.

 

He impelled her back against the wall and began to move, slipping in and out of her slowly at first.  Marlena began to moan against his mouth as she moved with him.  Then she hovered above his ear.

“Oh, that feels so good,” she murmured so that he could feel her hot breath moistening his ear.  He didn’t need any more encouragement as he almost unconsciously began to pick up the pace.  

 

After all the frustrations of the evening, neither of them had any sort of willpower and the rhythm of their lovemaking became faster and faster.  Neither of them was conscious of anything but themselves and the other.  Q felt Marlena’s teeth digging into his shoulder as she tried to keep from crying out.  Those grooves were replaced by nail prints as she rested her forehead against Gene’s.  

 

“Let me hear you,” he begged.  He loved to hear the pleasure he was bringing to her.

 

“Oh Gene,” she whimpered, “oh…. mmmm… oh.”  He felt her begin to tense against him and her cries became louder.  

 

“C’mon sweetheart,” he urged in her ear, knowing that it often was enough to send her over the edge, “I want to know how you’re feeling.  I want to hear you when you come.”   He was right this time as Marlena felt the first waves of her climax overtake her, the glorious warmth pervading her body and her senses.

 

“Oh god,” he felt all her muscles tensing as he continued to move with her, their bodies totally in tune.  “Ooh Gene, oh, oh…..”  She went rigid against him, her legs tightening around him, and she threw her head back, her eyes closed and her breath coming in short, labored pants.  She looked glorious and he watched her for a moment, enjoying her pleasure. But it wasn’t long before the combination of her muscles tightening around him, and her screams brought him to his own orgasm.  He cried out her name over and over, his voice coiling around her whimpers melodiously as his thrusts became even more forceful, bringing her immediately to a second orgasm.  Her fingernails dug into his shoulders as her hips rocked with his, the waves of long suppressed desire and lust enveloping both of them and melding them momentarily into one.

 

They both became aware of their own breathing as it settled several moments later.  Marlena opened her eyes to find Gene smiling at her, his face reddened and damp.

 

“Wow,” she panted as she brushed her own damp bangs from her forehead with the back of her hand and then leaned her head back against the wall.  He bowed his head and laid a trembling kiss on the side of her neck before murmuring something against her cooling skin.  “Hmmm…?”  She hadn’t caught what he’d said.

 

Q looked at her, a sudden measure of embarrassment in his eyes.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” he answered, not meeting her eyes, but drawing a finger down the beaded moisture that laced her temple.

 

“Gene,” she wasn’t about to be put off that easily.  She caressed her palm down over the plane of his cheek and the more angular curve of his jaw until she was holding his chin and looking into the eyes that were almost a darker reflection of her own.  “Please tell me.”  

 

He took a deep breath, trying to fight back the surge of emotion that threatened to strangle his response in his throat.  When she looked at him like that, the love he felt for her was completely overwhelming and it sometimes caught him by surprise.  She was like a drug to him, and he couldn’t get enough.  He had almost completely abandoned all thoughts of the future, all that was important to him was to have her in his arms and to see that beautiful smile transform her face.  All he wanted was to make her happy.  In doing so, it turned out she was giving him something he thought he had lost forever.

 

“Gene?” she was starting to look concerned, so he smiled and lifted his finger to her lips.

 

“Let’s get a little more comfortable,” he suggested as he backed away from the wall and carried Marlena into the bedroom.  He laid her gently on the cool cotton sheets and pulled the cream chintz comforter over as he slipped into the bed beside her.

 

She didn’t say anything but propped herself up on her elbow and stared at him.  A smile ghosted his lips.

 

“You don’t give up do you?”  It was her turn to grin.

 

“You always told me I was too stubborn for my own good.”

 

“Nice to know that some things don’t change.”  He began to play with her fingers, tracing each one down to a perfectly manicured nail.

Marlena watched him with a hint of curiosity.

 

“No some things don’t do they?”  She remembered that he had always found it easier to avoid the subject of his feelings.  He was so sweet and sensitive that wearing his heart on his sleeve had always led to pain for him.  So he had developed the slightly goofy demeanor that had served as quite an adequate shield, protecting him to some degree from pain and heartache.  And yet it seemed that he had spent all this time since, perfecting the art of avoidance.  And if what he had told her over the last few months was true, he had later used arrogance and even cruelty as his weapon of choice until he no longer let anyone behind the façade that he had skillfully created.  Until they had sent him back to her.  

 

She watched him stroke his fingers up her arm, raising little bumps of gooseflesh as he went.  She couldn’t imagine him being anyone but Gene.  She couldn’t imagine him wreaking havoc just for the sake of it, she couldn’t imagine him being cruel just to provoke a reaction, but then she realized, she didn’t know what he’d been through since he’d been here last.  It was just another thing he refused to talk about.  She saw hints of it from time to time, but never when they were alone, or with the children.   Then he was just her Eugene, her friend and confidant, and now her lover.  She hadn’t been lying when she had told him that she loved him, and she hoped that now he could trust her enough to tell her what he obviously had wanted to.

 

“Gene,” she whispered, “I know you find it hard to open up, but honey, you know how I feel about you.  You know I’m not going to hurt you.”  She caught his eyes with hers.  “Do you trust me?”

He nodded his head, but for a moment she saw a flicker in his eyes that she wasn’t sure how to read.

“It wasn’t a big deal, really Marlena.”  

 

It wasn’t that he had said anything really embarrassing, but now she was making a big deal of it he, for some reason, felt shy.  He found it very difficult to tell her how he felt, and he didn’t like to discuss his life in the continuum with her, because, with her he was a completely different person and he found now that he didn’t particularly like the old Q.  

 

He smiled as he looked back up at her.  She had that stubborn look on her face that he knew meant that she wouldn’t let this go.  He knew her to well to be in any doubt of that.

 

“All I said was thank-you,” he looked down again.

 

“Thank-you?”  She sounded a little confused.  “What for?”  He took her hand in his and kissed her palm before he looked at her with darkly serious eyes.

 

“For being you.  For caring about me.  For that beautiful smile that brings out the sun and the stars all at once.”  He felt his heart thumping as her eyes began to brim.  “I want to thank you for making me remember what it’s like to be alive again.”  He lifted their entwined hands and stared at them for a long moment.  “You can’t understand what it’s like to be immortal.  To live for so many years that you no longer have a reason to live.  To exist merely for the sake of existing.  It’s cold and it’s very lonely.  You lose your soul when the joy dies.”

 

“Oh Gene,” tears spilled through Marlena’s lashes.  She had never stopped to think what it must mean, and he had never ventured to tell her before.  “I…”

 

He looked up at her with a smile that hid the centuries of isolation

“It’s okay.  Really it is.  Because you’ve given it back to me.  The love and the joy.”  Marlena felt her heart aching for him and for herself as the tenderness shone from his eyes.  “I never dared to believe I could feel like this ever again.  So, I just wanted to thank you.”

 

Marlena shook her head as she loosened her hand and brushed the wetness from her cheeks.

 

“I didn’t have any idea…..” she reached out an unsteady hand to him, her fingertips brushing his cheek, “I’m sorry Gene.”

 

“Please don’t, Marlena.”  He caught her hand and kissed it again.  “What’s past makes no difference.”

 

“But it does,” Marlena slid closer to him.  “Our friendship and our relationship have all been about me.  You’ve been helping me, and I haven’t stopped to ask you the first thing about your life.  I have hardly stopped to wonder.”  Her tears began to fall again.  “Can you forgive me for being so selfish?”

 

“Selfish?”  Q looked at her incredulously.  “Sweetheart, you’re about the most *unselfish* person I’ve ever known.”  He brushed her tears away with his fingers.  “If you remember, I haven’t exactly been willing to volunteer information.  I don’t really see the need to revisit it.  What’s happening now is far more important to me and I’d prefer to keep it that way.”  He leaned over to her and tenderly kissed her on the nose.  “Okay?”  She looked at him for a moment.  His eyes told her it was what he really wanted.  He wanted his past to remain a closed book and that was the way she would leave it.  For now.  

 

Slowly she nodded her head and he smiled with a hint of relief.

 

“Good,” he traced her lower lip with his index finger.  “Because I can think of things I would much rather be doing right now.”

******

The doorknob came to its full zenith and the door rattled in its frame.  Sami watched, frozen to the spot as the intruder tried again.  Shaking herself out of the trance, she looked around, hoping to see something that she could use as a weapon.  The door rattled again, more violently this time and she automatically whipped around to check it.  In doing so, she lost her balance and fell heavily against the hall chair which went crashing to the ground.  Sami cursed loudly as she followed the piece of furniture.  It was a moment before she heard the silence from outside the doorway.  It was followed by the thump of footfalls as the intruder seemingly ran back down the corridor.  

 

Sami rubbed her shin and brushed the tears angrily from her face.  This was getting to be way too much.  She pulled herself up off the floor and limped into the living room.  She picked up the phone and dialed the number automatically.  Austin’s sleepy voice answered.

 

“Austin,” her voice was trembling, and she was on the verge of a fresh bout of tears. “Austin, someone just tried to break into my apartment.”

 

“Sami?”  Austin discerned through a haze of early morning sleep.

 

“Austin, I’m really scared he might come back.”  She felt almost hysterical, but she was just managing to hold it together.

 

“For god’s sake Sami, get over it.”  Sami was shocked to hear the angry tone of Austin’s voice.  “Stop playing your pathetic little games and let me get some sleep.  Goodbye.” 

 

Sami looked at the phone in shock as there was a click followed by a loud dial-tone.  She stared at it for just a moment longer and then slammed the receiver back in its cradle.

 

“How *dare* you!” she yelled at the phone.  She couldn’t believe he would treat her like that.  It didn’t even occur to her that maybe she had cried wolf one too many times and she was now paying the price.

 

She bit on her lip and plumped down on the sofa, one leg crossed under her.  She looked around the apartment with haunted eyes wondering what to do next.  She thought about calling the police but nixed it after realizing that there was probably nothing they could do anyway.  

 

Her next thought was to call the pub and ask her grandparents if she could stay with them for the night.  She even started to pick up the phone but the next moment she pulled her hand away.  She wouldn’t let him drive her out of her home.  She was stronger than that and she could deal with this on her own.

******

John dialed the number and waited while the phone rang.  It was late, he knew but he just had to make sure the kids were okay.  Shawn Brady answered with a bleary “hello”.

 

“Shawn?”  John fingered the picture of Belle and Brady.  “Hi, it’s John.”

 

“John?”  Shawn’s voice suddenly took on an alertness that it hadn’t had before.  “Where are you boy?”

 

“In New York city but I’m planning to come home tomorrow.”

 

“Well, it’s a relief to hear from you,” Shawn admitted.  “We were starting to wonder what had happened to you.”

 

“Sorry,” John suddenly realized that, thanks to his own pity party, he had skipped town with almost no word, leaving his children and their grandparents with no idea where he was or when he was due back.  “Something came up and I had to leave unexpectedly.  I should have called and let you know where I was.”  He paused, still holding the picture of his children.  “Are Belle and Brady okay?”

 

“Yes, the kiddies are just fine, but they’re missing their Daddy.”  His tone was a little uncertain.  Caroline had, of course, told him about the scene in the penthouse at the weekend that had occurred after he had taken the children downstairs.  But that left him in an awkward situation now.  He wasn’t sure how much he should tell John, or if he should even mention it all.  

 

John negated the need for a decision as he spoke, his voice a touch acerbic.

“Yeah well, I’m sure they’re missing their mom too.  That’s why I’m cutting my trip short.  I’m going to have my car driven back to Salem and I’ll fly in tomorrow on the earliest flight I can get.”  He consulted his watch.  “Tell the kids I love them very much and that I’ll see them tomorrow morning.”  A sudden smile crossed his lips.  “And would you tell them I’ll have a little surprise for them,” he added. 

 

“Okay,” Shawn could sense the undercurrents that flowed through John’s words but was unable to decipher the meaning behind them.  Smothering the questions that burned in his throat he accepted John’s words at face value and told him that he would let the children know as soon as they awoke.

 

John thanked him again and they said quiet good-byes before the line was broken.  John yawned and rubbed at the itchy stubble on his chin again.  With another quick glance at his watch, he picked up the phone again and dialed the operator, looking for flight information.

******

Marlena awoke with a jolt to find her pulse racing.  Already, she couldn’t remember the dream that had unsettled her so much.  She looked at Eugene and found to her relief that his eyes were closed and she hoped he was sleeping.  After their conversation, they had made love again, this time with a slow and loving tenderness that had taken them well into the night.  But still, haunted by the look in Gene’s eyes earlier, Marlena was finding sleep elusive.

 

Carefully, she sat up in the bed and hugged her knees as she watched the rise and fall of his chest.  She reached out and laid her fingers lightly over his.  They had been through so much separately and together, she just wished he’d share more of his past with her.  She felt a twinge of guilt as she thought about his earlier revelations but then brushed it aside.  He hadn’t told her in order to foster any sense of guilt and she knew that there really was no reason for her to feel responsible.  Maybe it was just so ingrained by now that it was an automatic response.

 

She sighed gently and then froze as Gene murmured in his sleep before kicking off what was left of the sheet.  He settled again and Marlena smiled as his face relaxed in slumber.  Lifting her hand off his, she drew the rumpled sheet around her and with care, slipped off the bed.  The sheet trailed behind her as she tiptoed out of the bedroom and into the living room of the suite. It was a stunning room, but Marlena barely noticed it as she made her way to the French doors that opened out onto a small balcony.  All she wanted right now was some fresh air.

 

Holding the sheet around her with one hand, she unlocked the door and opened it.  It swung open with a soft creaking and Marlena stepped into the frigid early morning air.  With a shiver, she retreated to the safety of the doorway where the air-conditioning was warm on her shoulders but from where she could still gaze over the drowsy city. The lights winked in front of her as she leaned back against the doorframe.

 

She was lost in her thoughts when the touch on her shoulder made her jump.  She turned around to find a robed Gene watching her with concerned eyes.

 

“Trouble sleeping?” he asked.  She smiled ruefully and nodded her head.  He said nothing in return, not wanting to press her any further.  Instead, he just stroked his thumb over the light freckles that dusted her shoulders. 

 

It was only a moment before her hand found his and drew it over her shoulder.  He slipped his other arm around her, and she leaned back into his embrace with a noiseless sigh, her arms tucked under his.  He brushed her neck with a kiss and then pressed his cheek against hers as they gazed out over a city which was awakening to the promise of a new day.

 

Chapter 62 – There’s No Place Like Home

John yawned as he stepped into the loft.  It was still early.  The Salem sky had greeted him with a blazing crimson sunrise as he stepped off the hired jet, the birds working up to a dawn warble.  The streets had been near to silent as the weary cabbie had driven him back to the building he called home.  His intention had been to have a shower before throwing a few clean clothes into another bag and heading over to the pub.  But he hadn’t been counting on what he was now seeing as he surveyed the loft.

 

The living room was full of furniture, especially baby furniture and what looked like boxes of kit-set furniture that was yet to be assembled.  Kristen’s boxes of belongings were strewn from one end of the room to the other and John dreaded to think what he might find upstairs.  He took a deep breath, trying to restrain himself from throwing something across the room.  This was all he needed.

 

His patience was worn thin by the events of the last week, and he just prayed Kristen was not here right now.  Her presence might well be enough to goad him into something he might really regret doing.  He rubbed at the beard which irritated his chin and considered the room.  Making a decision, he picked up the phone and dialed.  It was early yet he had no time to take care of this but now.

 

A sleepy female voice answered the phone.  It was Nicole, his new assistant, a young but very efficient Canadian woman.  He paid her more than enough to warrant waking her at this hour and John wasted no time in outlining what he needed her to do.  It was simple enough.  Have all Kristen’s belongings removed by the end of the day and have the locks changed.  Nicole asked no questions, only promised that his orders would be followed to the letter.  John hoped so.  He’d had it with incompetence.  Putting down the phone, he picked up his bag and climbed the small staircase.  He entered his room to find, to his profound relief that Kristen wasn’t there.  With thin lips, he dropped his bag on the floor and angrily pulled open the door to the bathroom.  

 

He shed his clothes quickly and climbed into a scalding shower, letting the water wash away some of the tension and pain he felt.  He tried not to think of Marlena, but she was always there, a potent presence in his life, possessing his heart, so that sometimes he could think of nothing else.

 

And now that he couldn’t have her, now that someone else had her, it seemed a thousand times worse.  John couldn’t work out which of them he was angrier at.  As the water washed through his coarse hair and down his face, he realized it was at himself.  He had screwed up so badly, he had hurt her so badly and so many times, he just didn’t deserve her anymore.

 

He quickly and roughly scrubbed his head with shampoo and rinsed himself before he turned off the shower and stepped out, dripping warm water onto the tiles of the bathroom floor.  He grabbed a large white towel from the rail and wiped away the excess water before he wrapped it around his waist and walked back into the bedroom.  

 

The bed was still exactly the way he had left it after his dream, and he stared at it, lost in dreams of what could have been.  If only I hadn’t been such a *fool*.  If only he had trusted his own feelings, if only he hadn’t been so stupid as to not see hers, he might not be standing here alone right now.

 

His silent self-castigation was interrupted rudely as he heard a small gasp from the doorway.  As though in slow motion, he swung around to find Kristen standing there.

******

Marlena stirred, the crisp cotton sheets rustling with her movement.  She slowly opened her eyes to find that the bed beside her was empty.  In a moment of inexplicable panic, she searched the room with darting eyes.  A wave of nausea rolled through her, and she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as she stared at the ceiling, willing herself to calm down.  When it finally passed, she sat up, holding the sheet to herself.  Her relief was almost palpable as Gene walked into the bedroom holding a tray of breakfast.

 

He was at her side immediately that he saw the expression on her face.

 

“Marlena, what’s wrong?”  She could only manage a weak smile as she shook her head.  Gene placed the tray on the nightstand and took her hand.  “What is it?” he asked her quietly.

 

“It was nothing,” she felt slightly silly now.  She smiled at him ruefully.  “I just…I woke up and you weren’t here.  I don’t know why; I just panicked a little I guess.”

 

“You thought I’d abandoned you?” he asked with a small grin.

 

“No, I…” she shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know what I thought.”

 

Eugene pulled her into his arms and hugged her to him.  She rested her head against his shoulder, and she felt the rumbling vibrations in his chest as he talked.

 

“You don’t have to worry,” he said soothingly, “I’ll never leave you.”  

 

Somehow, that wasn’t comfort enough for Marlena.  She’d heard those words before, more than once.  But each time, by whatever twist of choice or circumstance, they had eventually been proved wrong.

******

John glared at Kristen, and she suddenly realized that she had made a terrible error in judgement.

 

“John, I…..I didn’t realize you were back home,” she said lamely.

 

“Obviously,” he remarked scathingly.  “What are you doing here?”

 

“I…..” she couldn’t think of anything to say.  Besides the fact that her attention was completely distracted by the sight of his damp chest, she hadn’t thought to prepare any excuse.  

 

John stared at her for a moment longer not even bothering to hide the disgust on his face.

 

“I thought so.”  He turned his back on her.  “I have things to do.  Close the door on your way out.”

 

“John honey, I…,” the whine in her voice made John feel physically ill.  He could no longer remember what he had once found attractive about her, and her presence now only served as a stinging reminder of all that she had done to keep Marlena from him.

 

“I wouldn’t waste your breath,” he snapped angrily as he pulled on a shirt.  “I have better things to do than spend another half an hour trying to get through to you that I am no longer interested in you.  Past the child, I don’t want anything to do with you Kristen, so would you please just leave now before I say something I may regret.”

 

Kristen clutched at the door handle with whitened knuckles.  She had expected him to be displeased with the idea of her moving back in, but she had thought that she would be able work him around with a little manipulation.  The sinking feeling in her stomach was telling her she had been terribly wrong.  Not only would she not be able to worm her way back into his affections now; with the vehemence of his response to her, she was starting to wonder if it would ever be possible.

 

Looking only a moment longer at the impassive barrier of John’s back, she fled the room.

******

Marlena took the piece of watermelon from Gene with a smile and bit into the sweet, pink flesh.  She laughed as the juice dribbled down her chin and dropped onto the stark whiteness of the sheet she was sitting on.  Q took a napkin and dabbed at her with a loving smile.

 

“So, do you want to stay here?” he asked her.

 

“Hmm?” she raised her eyebrows.

 

“I’m asking you if you want to stay here longer.  The day, a couple of days maybe?”

 

“Oh,” she was immensely tempted.  He had this wonderful knack of cocooning her from the real world, but unfortunately there were realities in that world that she had to face, like work.  “I’d love to Gene, but I have patients scheduled this afternoon.  I have to go into the hospital.”

 

“So, cancel,” Gene waved his hand.  “Tell the crazy people to come back another day.”  Marlena couldn’t help the laugh that burst from her throat.

 

“Gene!”  She wiped her hands on the napkin.  “It’s a very tempting offer, but I really don’t want to lose my job.  And besides,” her eyes softened, “I’m really missing the children something awful.”

 

Gene could almost feel it emanating from her as she spoke.  It had been wonderful to have her all to himself, but if she was missing her children then it was really very simple.

 

“If going back to Salem and seeing them will make you happy, then that’s what we’ll do.”  He brushed the long bangs from her temple and kissed her forehead.  

 

“It will,” she smiled before catching him with a soft kiss.

 

“Eat up,” he winked at her, “because I think we may have time for a quick shopping expedition before we get going, don’t you?”

 

“Shopping?”  Marlena’s eyes lit up as she grinned.  “How can I say no to that?”

 

“Well saying *yes* is rather the point,” he said light-heartedly.  “I want to get you a couple of things before you get ready to click those ruby shoes.”  

 

The excitement was audible in Marlena’s laugh as she popped a cherry in her mouth.

 

“Does this mean that we’re not in Kansas anymore?”

 

“Not if that makes me Toto it doesn’t,” he grinned before pouncing on her for a sweetly cherry-flavored kiss.

******

John arrived at the pub as Caroline was lifting chairs off of the tables.  She greeted him, with some surprise as she noted his unshaven appearance, but she said nothing and he joined her in setting up the pub for the day’s business.  Caroline’s indecision on whether to ask him about his trip was waylaid by the appearance of Belle and Brady.

 

“Daddy!”  The little voices were in unison as they flung themselves into their father’s open arms.  Caroline watched the grin spread across John’s tired face and smiled.  If anything could heal the people she loved, it was these children.

 

“Hey there kiddos,” he ruffled Brady’s hair and planted a kiss on Belle’s tiny nose.  “How are my tiny terrors this morning?”

 

“They’ve been very busy coating Granpa Shawn with cheerios from what I hear,” Caroline laughed.

 

Before John could say anything in reply, Belle softly poked him in his beard.  She scrutinized his face closely before turning his head side on.  Finally, her face softened as she brought him back to face her.

 

“We missed you Daddy,” she told him with a sweet, almost shy smile.

 

“You did?”  John felt his heart swelling as he looked at her and then Brady.  Both small heads nodded, and John felt the tears prick at his eyes as he pulled them to him in a big hug.  “Well, I missed you guys too.  An awful lot.”  

 

Finally, he pulled himself together and stood up with a child in each arm.

 

“So, do you two wanna know the surprise I have planned for you?”  They nodded their heads enthusiastically.  “I don’t think I can hear you,” he teased with a grin.  

 

“Yeah!” Brady yelled.

“Tewll us Daddy!”  Belle pulled at the collar of his shirt.  “Tewll us the surpwise.”

 

“Okay.”  John laughed as he shook his heads.  “How would you two like to come with me to……” he paused for effect, “Disneyworld!”

 

“YEAH!!”  Brady and Belle flung their arms around their father’s neck and squeezed.

 

“Okay!”  John crouched down and put them both on the floor.  “You go and get ready as quick as you can.”  He patted them both on their bottoms, sending them on their way.

 

“You’re taking them to Florida?”  Caroline was serious now.  “John, is that a good idea.”

 

“No,” John shook his head with a wide but slightly fake smile, “it’s a great idea.  I haven’t seen them for a while, this is the perfect opportunity to catch up with my kids.”

 

“Don’t you think you should at least discuss it with Marlena?”  Caroline asked warily as she watched the smile fall from John’s lips, his face freezing into a grim mask.  “I mean, she hasn’t seen them in a few days either.”

 

“Well then, at least they’ll be spending time with *one* of their parents,” he said bitterly before he turned away.  

 

Caroline could almost see the wall he was building at the mere mention of Marlena.  Thoughtfully, she walked up behind him and laid her hand on his shoulder.

 

“John,” she said gently, “Don’t use the children to punish Marlena.  That’s not fair on them, or either of you for that matter.”

 

John bit his lip as he tried to find an answer for her.  He turned to face her; his expression neutral.

 

“That’s not what I’m doing Caroline.  I’m just spending time with my children.  I’d discuss it with Marlena if I knew how to reach her.”  That was a lie and they both knew it.

 

“John, honey,” she took his hand in hers, her voice soothing.  To her, he was still her son, she loved him like a son, and she ached for him like a mother.  “I wish I knew what to say to you.  I wish I knew how to make this all better.” 

 

John took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily.  Then he opened them and shook his head.

 

“So do I Caroline.”  His eyes were almost grey, and she could see his distress no matter how hard he tried to hide it.  She had nothing to say, no words of comfort to give him.  She knew what he had lost and how it was tearing him apart but there was nothing she could do.  He looked down at the hand in his, almost as if he didn’t see it.

 

 “Just tell me one thing.”  His voice was hoarse, and he swallowed, trying to ignore the pang in his chest.  “Is she happy?”  

 

Caroline’s brow wrinkled as she watched the flashes of emotion on his face that documented his internal struggle.  She sighed.

 

“I don’t know John; I really don’t know.”

******

Marlena zipped up the side of her new lemon-yellow pantsuit and, with a satisfied smile, she smoothed the lapels of the white blouse that she wore underneath.  Fastening the new sapphire earrings to her lobes she admired them as they sparkled in the mirror.  She was applying her lipstick when Gene came out of the bathroom.  He came up behind her and smoothed the hair away from her neck before he kissed the warm fragrant skin there.

 

“Mmmmm,” she smiled as his arms slid around her waist and he hugged her.

 

“What time do you have to be at work?” he murmured softly in her ear.

 

“Soon enough,” she giggled as she twisted around in his arms.  “So no, you don’t get to have your wicked way with me again.”

 

“Darn,” he grinned as he slid his hands down over her behind.  “I couldn’t convince you?”

 

“Uh-uh,” she shook her head as her hands slipped around his neck and she looked up into his cinnamon-colored eyes, “I do have a life *outside* this bedroom you know.”  He regarded her for a moment and then leaned down until he was almost kissing her

 

“Party pooper,” his voice was a low rumble against her mouth, and she couldn’t help but kiss him.

 

Finally, she managed to tear herself away from his sensuous lips long enough to compose herself.

 

“Gene, I *have* to get ready for work if we want to go and pick up the kids first.”

 

“Aww, c’mon, just a few minutes can’t hurt.”  He leaned his head on one side.  Marlena burst into exuberant laughter and batted him with her hand.  That puppy dog look always did her in.

 

“Gene, *stop it*.”

 

“Why?”  He swooped in, kissing her jaw and down her neck, causing her to gasp in pleasure.  

 

“Don’t you like it when I do that?” he murmured as he dappled a trail of moist kisses along the neckline of her blouse.

 

“Oh no you don’t,” Marlena was feeling breathless, and she had to physically push herself away from him.  If she didn’t, she was going to be in trouble really soon.  

 

Gene grinned at her.  He loved to tease her.  He loved the way her skin flushed and the way she trembled when he touched her.  He just loved her, there was nothing more to say about the matter.

 

“I don’t?” he raised his eyebrows as a harbinger of what was to come.  Marlena looked at the floral comforter on the bed behind her.  It looked awfully inviting.  Then she looked at Gene and suppressing a smile, she slowly shook her head.

 

He was a little too slow as she broke free of his grip and raced for the door of the bedroom, dodging the copious number of shopping bags that littered the floor from their morning spree.  His laugh mingled with the echo of hers as he chased her out of the room and down the narrow staircase.  Her laughter came in sexy gasps as he chased her around the table in the living room and then cornered her in front of the sofa.

“Shall we try that again?” he asked her with a teasing smile.  Marlena could only laugh as she readied herself.  When he lunged for her, she attempted to scramble over the sofa.  

 

It was she that wasn’t quite quick enough this time and Gene caught her foot and dragged her back down onto the broad, soft sofa.

 

He quickly folded his arms around her as she shook with laughter, and he grinned lopsidedly.

“I got you babe.”

 

Marlena opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Gene’s attention was diverted.  Wondering what could change his demeanor so quickly, she turned around to find Caroline Brady standing in the open doorway of the penthouse.

******

John stared out of the small window, aware of the chattering of his children behind him but barely hearing it.  They were keeping themselves amused with possible scenarios that they might encounter at Disneyworld.  Belle was convinced that she would meet her namesake there, but Brady kept teasing her by telling her she was more likely to meet the ugly ol’ beast.

 

A smile drifted across John’s lips every so often as he caught snatches of their conversation, but mostly he was lost in his own thoughts.  He hadn’t talked to Caroline for long after their earlier exchange.  There had been little more to say, except than to tell her he would bring the children back in a few days.  And yet he had gained the impression that Caroline was none too happy about the turn of the events.  Join the club.  At least it was some consolation that he wasn’t alone in his assessment.  But still the more he thought about it, the more confused he became.

 

If she was happy, couldn’t he just be glad for her?  Couldn’t he just do what she had done for so long and stand back, put her and her happiness first? 

 

But the truth of the matter was, he hadn’t really been happy.  He had tried to convince her, and he had tried to convince himself, to what end he could no longer say.  Except that maybe the idea of losing her again had been too heartbreaking to contemplate.

 

Well, he could sure laugh at the irony of that now.  In fighting his love for her so hard, he had seemingly lost hers forever.  The benefit of hindsight was a grand thing, but only if you learnt from your mistakes.  And even if you learnt from your own mistakes, was there any guarantee that others would not make the same ones?

 

John sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.  This was getting him nowhere.  

******

Marlena looked at Caroline for a moment and then looked back at Eugene, who was just about as surprised as she was.  Taking stock of the situation, she put on a cool smile and let Gene help her up from the sofa.  He took her lead as she straightened out her clothing and came around the sofa to where Caroline was sitting.

“Caroline,” she greeted her with a small hug, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

 

“Oh Marlena,” Caroline was terribly embarrassed, “I hear you calling out.  I thought you might be in trouble, so I…..” she looked sheepish.

 

“You let yourself in,” Marlena finished with a slightly acerbic tone.  

 

“I was just worried…” Caroline looked at Eugene and then back again at Marlena.  

 

Marlena tensed, sensing the disapproval implicit in Caroline’s stare.

 

“It’s alright Caroline, I do have Eugene here to look after me you know.”  Deliberately, she turned around and reached out her hand to take Gene’s.  If Caroline disapproved, it only made her all the more determined to not let what everyone else thought bother her.  Gene raised his eyebrows at her gesture but went along with it as she pulled him towards her.  Marlena turned back to her ex-mother-in-law as she guided Gene’s hands to where they rested on her hips.  “So, you really don’t need to worry about me.”

 

Caroline nodded her head, a diffident smile trembling on her lips.  She felt awful, the last thing she wanted to do was interfere in Marlena’s life.  She, of all people had no right to pass judgement, but it seemed she couldn’t help herself.  This seemed wrong to her, no matter which way she looked at it.  The worst thing was the way it was affecting her relationship with Marlena.  The air between them seemed tense and strained and Caroline knew that what she had to say would only make things worse.

 

Marlena stood with Gene’s reassuring warmth behind her and waited for Caroline to say something.  She was in no mood to justify herself to Caroline or to ease the other woman’s discomfort to any degree.  So, she just raised her eyebrows and waited.

 

Caroline searched the room with her eyes as she tried to find something to say that would change the tone of the conversation.  She found it as her gaze alighted on the Saks bags piled at the foot of the steps.

 

“Saks?  New York?”  She looked back at Marlena and noticed for the first time the new clothes and the blue stones that adorned Marlena’s ears and one finger of her right hand.  Marlena smiled and turned to look at Q.

 

“Gene took me shopping,” she said with a radiant smile before she turned back to Caroline.  “We made quite a morning of it.”

 

Caroline nodded uncomfortably still not knowing what to say.  Marlena slid her hand around the back of her neck, rubbing on suddenly tense muscles there and looked away for a moment.  When she looked back Caroline was still standing awkwardly in the doorway.  Marlena sighed.

 

“We were just about to leave for the pub actually,” she told Caroline.  “We thought we’d pick up the kids and take them out for lunch and then Gene can bring them home while I go into the hospital for the afternoon.”

 

“Actually,” Caroline took the opening, “that’s why I came up to see you.”  Her discomfort didn’t disappear, in fact, it only seemed to get worse.  She fidgeted with her set of keys as she spoke.  “Uh, John came into the pub this morning.”  Eugene felt Marlena’s muscles tighten at the mention of John’s name and his own heart thumped.  Caroline continued, “he said he needed to spend some time with them.  He’s taken them away…”

 

“He’s *what*?”  Marlena spat, trying to control her sudden anger.

 

“It’s only for a few days, Marlena,” Caroline tried to reassure her.

 

“He took them?  Without asking me?”  Marlena shook her head, willing the tears to stay at bay.  She had been so looking forward to seeing Belle and Brady.

 

“I’m sorry dear,” Caroline shook her head regretfully.  “I asked him to talk to you about it, but he said he didn’t know where to get hold of you.”

 

Marlena stared at Caroline for a minute and then, turning on her heel and disengaging herself from Gene’s arms, she walked away.  They both watched her walk to the balcony and then Eugene turned back to Caroline.

 

“She’s really missing the kids,” he said by way of explanation.  Caroline nodded again.  

 

“I’m sorry Eugene, I didn’t come here to make trouble.  I just thought Marlena should know that’s all.”

 

“I know you didn’t,” Gene could see the woman was already upset.  While they weren’t exactly the best of friends, he didn’t want to make matters worse for her and the last thing he wanted to do was get in between the long-standing friendship she had with Marlena.  “Marlena will be okay.  I think she’s just feeling a little besieged at the moment.”

 

“I….”  Caroline was thankful for the lack of antagonism from Eugene.  He had the potential to make this situation unbearable.  But he wasn’t and it was becoming obvious to Caroline why that was.  She watched him turn to look at the balcony door with concern.  She could see by his gestures and by the expression in his eyes how much he cared about Marlena.  She suddenly had no doubt that he would do anything to make Marlena happy and she was glad for that.  Marlena had had far too much grief in her life and Caroline knew how much she had relied on Eugene’s strength in the last few months.  

 

And yet, even though she was having these thoughts, she was almost surprised to hear the words coming from her own mouth.  

 

“I’m glad you’re here to look after her Eugene.” Q turned back to Caroline with some surprise.

 

“Thank you.”  It was as much as he was going to get from Caroline, but it was enough.

 

“I’ll go now.”  Caroline turned for the door.  “Please call me if she needs anything.”

 

“I will,” Gene followed her to the door.  Caroline turned back to him but found there was nothing left to say.  He closed the door behind her and turned back to contemplate Marlena’s shadowy form.

 

Marlena stood out on the balcony, letting the cool air wash over her as she tried to suppress the smoldering anger she felt.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she gripped the railing.  It seemed ridiculous that this should affect her this badly, but every time she thought of John with the children, all she could see was John with his cheek to Kristen’s swollen stomach and it made her want to throw up.  She couldn’t work out what was upsetting her more.  On the one hand, that John had taken her children away without so much as even leaving a message on her answerphone.  On the other hand, every time she visualized John walking and laughing with the children, Kristen was right there in the center of the picture, playing *mom* to her beloved babies.

 

She choked back a sob as she hit back the railing in frustration and then ran her fingers through her hair.  She stiffened at the soft footfalls behind her, and she flicked at the tears under her eyes.

 

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked softly.

 

“Not really.”  She turned round and attempted to smile.  Gene could see her failing miserably and he stepped closer. 

 

“Marlena maybe…”

 

“Gene, I would *really* just rather leave it okay?” she said sharply, the rebuke evident in her tone.  Gene merely raised his eyebrows.  

 

Marlena stared at him for a moment, her lips thinning as she tried to keep a grip on her temper.  She didn’t need this right now.  Gene still said nothing, just looked at her, his expression benign but somehow declaring that he saw right through her.  Suddenly the stand-off was too much for Marlena.

 

“Oh shut up,” she snapped before she elbowed her way past him.  

 

Q’s only answer was a sigh as he watched her climb the stairs.

Chapter 63 – Good News Travels Last

Sami looked up from her book and sighed.  She had an important paper to turn in at the end of the week, but it seemed to be taking forever to collect the research she needed.  It wasn’t that she found the work boring, on the contrary, she found the information that she was collecting interesting, it was just that she was so jumpy at the moment, she couldn’t seem to settle for five minutes.  It had been a few days since she had suffered any ‘incidents’, but her concentration was shot and her mind kept wandering from the book she was reading. 

 

She put the book down on the table and cleared a space where she lay her head on her arms.  She closed her eyes, letting the weariness wash over her.  The lack of sleep wasn’t helping matters any.  

 

Her eyes snapped open as the phone rang.  She breathed out, trying to ignore her thumping heart as she reached for the portable that was on the table next to her.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Sami?”  The sound of the voice on the other end of the line induced a smile from Sami.  

 

“Eric?  Eric, where *are* you?”

 

“Hey Sis!  How’re you doing?”  Sami could just picture his cheerful face with his sparkling blue eyes, and it made her miss him all the more.  She had always been able to talk to Eric, he may not have always agreed with her, but he understood her, and she loved him for that.  

 

“Eric, you didn’t answer my question.  I’ve been trying to get hold of you for *weeks*.  I’m fine, now where are *you*?” 

 

 On the other end of the phone, Sami’s blonde twin could hear the tension in her voice.  She was lying, she wasn’t fine, he knew her too well to believe her, but that could wait for the moment.

“I’m in Australia Sami, and I think I may be getting really close.”  There was real excitement in Eric’s voice, and a quiet determination that oddly reminded Sami of John.  

 

“*Australia*?”  Sami couldn’t have been more surprised.  “Eric, that’s practically half a world away.”

 

“I know,” Eric grinned.  “Perfect isn’t it, if you think about it?”

 

“I suppose so,” Sami shrugged, “when will you know?”

 

“It may be a few days yet,” Eric stared at the diary in front of him.  “I promise I’ll let you know as soon as I have definite proof though.”

 

“Okay,” Sami nodded as she played with the pencil in front of her.

 

“Sami?”  Eric frowned.  He didn’t know what he had expected from his sister, but it certainly hadn’t been this non-reaction.  “Sami, what’s going on?”  Sami didn’t answer, just tapped the eraser end of the pencil on the table.  “*Sami? *”  Eric was starting to get concerned.  When Sami didn’t talk, it usually meant there was trouble brewing.  

 

“Oh Eric, it’s all such a mess,” Sami pushed her chair away from the table and stood up.

 

“What’s a mess Sis?” Eric asked gently.  Sami sucked in a breath

 

“Everything,” she said as she exhaled.  “Just everything.”  

 

She dropped into the sagging armchair and began to pick at the frayed fabric of the arm.

“Come on Sami, tell me what’s going on,” Eric knew that she wouldn’t be able to resist telling him the truth for long.  She never could.  And he was right.  With another deep breath, she launched into her laundry-list of problems.

******

Belle climbed on John’s lap as he sat heavily on the bench, overwhelmed with sudden fatigue.  

 

“Daddy?”, she nestled up against him, looking up at his closed eyes.

 

“Mmmm?” his reply was somewhere in between a response and a moan.  It wasn’t just that the children had spent the last four days wearing him out during the long days at Disneyworld and other associated thrills.  Although, they certainly were doing that.  

 

But it was also the way that at night, long after Belle and Brady were fast asleep, he would toss and turn, thinking of the situation with Marlena and trying to decide what to do about it.  However, as much as he would think about it, he could not reach a definitive decision.  At least not one that he would not change his mind about two hours later.  Still, the kids seemed to be having a wonderful time, and that was what was most important.  Or so he had thought.

 

“Daddy, what’s wong?”  Belle asked as she ran her pale little hand over the rough skin of her father’s cheek, the way she had seen her mother do it. 

 

“What do you mean what’s wrong Belle baby?” John asked with a smile, trying to hide the fact that he ached with how much Belle reminded him of her mother.

 

“You’re sad all de time daddy,” Belle whispered, as she raised her other hand so that she framed his big face between her tiny hands and stared into his eyes.  John couldn’t help but smile at her serious expression

 

“I am?” he asked her before looking down at Brady with a questioning glance.  Brady nodded his head along with his sister.  “Well I…” he was a little lost for words as he hugged Belle to him.  He hadn’t realized that the children were that sensitive to his moods.  “I don’t know Belle honey.  Sometimes I’m just sad….no particular reason.  But,” he tapped her on the nose, “it’s nothing that you have to worry about.”

 

Belle regarded him for a moment and then scrunched up her face as though in deep thought.

 

“But Momma’s dust sad too,” she announced after several seconds before scratching her head.  “Do we make you sad Daddy?”

 

“Oh *no*,” John shook his head emphatically, surprised that Belle could even think such a thing.  

“No sweetie, you could never make your mom or I sad.”  He smiled and pulled Brady up from the bench onto his lap where he cuddled both of them next to him.  “You both make your mom and I very happy.  We love you more than anything in the world.  You have to always remember that okay?”  He looked directly at them.  “Okay?”

 

The children nodded their heads, seemingly satisfied with John’s avowal.  “Your Mom….” John paused, not quite knowing what to say to the children.  Given the circumstances, he knew what he *should* say, he just wasn’t quite sure that he could say it.  “Kids, your Momma is moving on with her life.  She’s going to be happy again, I promise you that.”

 

“Are you going to be living with us again Daddy?” Brady asked innocently.  John’s heart twisted at his words and the sudden hope that shone in the little boy’s brown eyes.  He looked out over the amusement park in an effort to alight on some way to make the children understand.  That at least for now, that was not even a vague possibility.

 

“No Brady,” he sighed, searching for a way to be gentle, “I won’t be living with you and your mom again Slugger.  That’s not going to be happening again.”

 

“But why?” Belle pressed.  

 

John felt the hot pricking behind his eyelids as he pushed the hair from her eyes with his index finger.  The innocence of youth made it all seem so simple and so easy.

 

“Because your mom has Eugene to look after her now.”  It pained him to say it, but it was true.  

 

“Will I have to stay with Kristen?”  Brady looked almost afraid, and John felt even guiltier about all the time he had forced the children to stay with that woman.

 

“No Brady,” he shook his head as he mussed the boy’s mahogany colored hair.  “Kristen moved back to her place.  I don’t see her anymore.”  The child nodded his head with a relieved smile.  

 

“I don’t like her Daddy,” he said.  John gave him a rueful smile.  Out of the mouths of babes….

 

“Neither do I son,” he murmured, “neither do I.”

******

Carrie came back from the restroom to find Austin still at her desk.  They had been arguing for a full thirty minutes before she had run out, the nausea getting the better of her.  They said that morning sickness was supposed to go after the first trimester was over, but it seemed as if this was going on and on.  Not that she was much past her first trimester, it was just that she was so desperate to stop feeling like complete crap that every morning that she woke up with the nausea was a morning too long.

 

She sat down at the desk and dropped her forehead into her hands.  On top of the nausea, whatever topic she and Austin approached these days seemed to degenerate into an argument, and her patience was wearing very thin.  

 

Austin sighed and sat down in a chair in front of her desk.   Their latest fight had covered everything from work to Carrie’s pregnancy and had finally alighted on Sami’s problems.

 

“Carrie, I just don’t think you need to worry so much.”

 

“How can I *not* worry Austin?”  Carrie looked up at him. “She’s my sister and she might well be in trouble if what she is saying is true.”  She was becoming increasingly concerned about Sami’s frightened calls, but Austin seemed to be determined to write it off as Sami simply crying wolf.

 

“How many times do we have to have this conversation?”  Austin climbed out of his chair and began to pace again.  “We all know that Sami will do anything she can to get attention.  To come between us.  I’m sick of it.”

 

“But Austin, you said you *saw* those dents in her door,” Carrie swung her chair round in frustration.  “You can’t even *think* about giving her a little bit of credit?”

 

“I’m sick of her games Carrie.”  Austin turned and glared at his wife.  He didn’t know how to get this through to her.  “She’s not worth the time, or effort.   She’s using your concern about her the way she always does.”

 

“Austin…”  Carrie paused.  She couldn’t deny that Austin was right about her sister’s manipulations.  But for all that had gone before, Sami was still her little sister and she felt protective of her.  “Can’t we just check her apartment, make sure she’s safe?”

 

“And give any credence to her lies?”  Austin raised his eyebrows.  “No Carrie.  Just let her live in her sick little delusional world.  Don’t fall for her lies again.”

 

Carrie stared at her husband for several moments.  She was tired and almost past the point where she could educe logical argument any longer.  And the nausea was building again.  Slowly, and somewhat against her better judgement, Carrie nodded her head.

******

“So why haven’t you told Mom about all this?” Eric asked, his voice laced with concern.

 

“I have tried to call her Eric, but she’s never home.  Obviously her new *boyfriend* is taking up all of her time.”  The venom seeped through Sami’s voice, infecting the words as she spoke them.

 

“I guess she has a right to a life Sami,” Eric sounded unsure of his words.

 

“With *him*?”  Sami shook her head.  Her grandmother’s hints had been enough to convince Sami that her suspicions had been more than warranted.  Eugene Bradford had finally managed to get what he had been after all along.

 

“Sami,” Eric sighed.  He didn’t remember much of Eugene and all he had to go on was what Samantha had told him.  However, as prone to exaggeration as she was, he wasn’t about to put much stock in her perceptions.  

 

“He’s a jerk Eric.  I don’t know what she sees in him.”

“Sam, all I know is that he was a good friend to Mom and Dad.”  He paused for a moment, trying to put words to his family’s pain.  “Mom has been through so much, and this last go-round with John was probably the last straw.  She needs someone to love her right now.”

 

“But why him Eric?”  Sami sounded petulant, reminding Eric of why he had been so happy to stay away from Salem for so long.  

 

“Why *not* him Sam?  It’s not like any of *us* are in there supporting her, is it?”  Sami chose to ignore the guilt and implication in his voice.  She couldn’t deal with that right now. “They’ve been friends for a long time.  Maybe he reminds her of how things used to be.  I don’t know.”  He shrugged his shoulders.  “Does it really matter why, as long as Mom’s happy?”

 

“Look, I really don’t care *what* she does Eric,” Sami had had enough of talking about her mother, “I just know she’s not around.  And neither is John.  I just don’t know what to do.”

 

“It sounds like your only option is to get hold of Carrie, Sam.  Forget Austin, just go to her.”  The concern sounded in his voice again as he tried to convince her.  “This guy sounds like a nutcase and if you won’t go to the police about it then please talk to Carrie.”

 

“The police can’t do anything,” Sami shook her head angrily.  “I already tried that…. but unless he actually is caught doing something they won’t waste the manpower.”

 

“Then go and talk to Carrie,” Eric repeated.  “Please Sami, please get her help.”  

 

Sami said nothing but picked at the loosely woven fabric of the chair again.

 

“Sam?”  Eric sounded to the silence.   It was another long silence before Sami took a deep breath.

 

“I’ll try Eric,” she said in a small voice, “but I’m afraid that I may have burnt that bridge already.”

******

Kristen fiddled with the strap of her bag as she rode the elevator in silence.  It had taken her several days to get up the courage to come and see John again.  She had decided to make a trip to the loft under the pretense of discussing custody arrangements for the baby once it was born.  She of course had no intention of drawing up any sort of custody arrangement.  As far as she was concerned, by the time this baby was born, John would already be back in her bed.  In fact, the custody idea was only a fallback, and one she was convinced that she would not need.  

 

Her increasingly tenuous grip on reality had allowed Kristen to persuade herself that John would be ready to welcome her back with open arms after the other day.  He was no doubt devastated over the way he had treated her, and he would be willing to do anything to make it up to her now he had come to his senses.  The fact that he’d had her furniture moved back out of the loft was filtered out of her unbalanced mind.  Nothing could interfere with the reunion that she deserved after so much perseverance.

 

She rubbed her ungainly stomach as she trudged out of the elevator.  The baby seemed to oddly get more active every time she came near the loft, almost as if it could sense its father.  Thankfully it was still healthy, although her visit to Dr. Bader yesterday had revealed that the baby was not gaining weight quite as quickly as they expected.  She had attributed it to the stress that Kristen was suffering and had told her that it was nothing to be concerned over as long as she rested and ate regularly.  

 

Kristen came to the door of the loft and smiled as she drifted into a vision of presenting John with his newest baby girl.  They were bathed in the golden light of a setting sun, marking the end of the troubles they had surpassed and the dawning of a brand-new life.  John’s eyes shone with joy as she laid his daughter in his arms and then he leaned in to kiss her.  She touched her gloves to her lips, almost feeling the presence of his kiss there and she touched her fingers to her belly.  

 

“Your mommy and daddy love you little baby,” she whispered.

 

Pulling herself together, she knocked on the door.  She waited and frowned when John didn’t answer.  She knocked again, louder this time but again, no John.  When a third knock brought as little response, she dug into her bag and pulled out her key.

******

Sami said goodbye to her brother and then turned off the phone.  She felt a little better for having talked about what was bothering her, but she wished Eric wouldn’t be so disagreeable in the area of their mother.  She was sure he just did it to annoy her.

 

Frowning, she stood and went into the kitchen.  Perhaps fixing herself some lunch would help to take her mind off the matters that were worrying her and onto her paper.  Somehow, she suspected not.  She pulled open the refrigerator and pulled out a loaf of bread and some butter.  She had her hand on the handle of the cutlery drawer when the phone rang again.  Wondering idly if Eric had forgotten something, she picked up the phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Sami Brady.”  Sami gasped, feeling as though she had been punched in her stomach.  The voice was raspy and obviously disguised, but she had no doubt who it was.

 

“What do you want?” she hissed into the receiver.

 

There was a slight pause and then, “You Sami.  I want you.”

 

“You stay away from me.” Sami warned the caller in as firm a voice as she could muster.  “You come near me or my son and I *promise* I’ll have you arrested.”   She was unnerved even more by the high-pitched giggle that came in reply.

 

“I’ll come for you soon Sami,” he promised in a scratchy whisper before Sami heard the click of the line closing.  

 

Sami gulped heavily as she sagged against the cabinet.  Her heart was thumping as she threw the phone across the counter, looking at it as it if it were infectious.  Her hands were shaking as she lifted them to her head, trying to smooth the hair off her face.  It was a moment before she realized she was shaking too badly to effectively do anything.  Pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes, she slowly slid down the cupboards to the floor.

******

 

Belle sat back on the bench and looked at John, her little cupid’s bow mouth forming a small pout.  

 

“What’s wrong Belle baby?” John asked carefully.  Belle shook her head, suddenly stubborn.  Wisps of blonde hair settled around her elfin face as she stared at her father, an accusatory glimmer in her eyes.  “C’mon honey.  Tell me what’s wrong,” he coaxed.

 

“I want you to live wif us daddy,” she blurted out.  John sighed.  He had thought that they had gotten through this.  Obviously not.

 

“Belle, I told you honey, that’s not going to happen.  Your Mom and I can’t be together anymore.”

 

“But why Daddy?”  Belle’s eyes were filling with childish tears.

 

“Because that’s the way it is Belle.”  He had no good reason to give his daughter. Not one she would understand.  Truthfully, not one he really understood either.  “It’s complicated kids, but your mom and I just can’t live together.”

 

“Don’t you love Mommy anymore?” she asked, the tears spilling onto her cheeks.  John felt the pain through his whole body.  He loved Marlena more than he could possibly ever express in words and he couldn’t lie about that any longer, least of all to the angel he shared with her.

 

“Oh sweetheart, I still love your Momma *very* much,” he hugged Belle to him.  “I wish I could come and live with you all, but Marlena doesn’t need me there now.”  Much less want me, he added silently.  “I know you kids want it, and I’d love to be able to give it to you, but I just can’t.”  

 

Belle began to cry harder, and he felt her distress as keenly as his own.  He wanted so much to be able to give Belle and Brady a loving and stable family home, something it seemed, that he had never been able to give Sami and Eric.  But the current situation made that impossible.

 

He reached out to brush Belle’s tears away, but angrily she swatted at him with a tiny fist.  He looked over at Brady and saw that his face was wet with tears too.  John pressed his hand to his mouth for a moment, making a vain effort not to join them before pulling them both into a fierce hug.  He buried his face into their hair, taking in the sweet fragrance of childhood and innocence.  It was up to him to make sure that they didn’t lose that innocence any sooner than they had to.

******

At first, she thought she must have the wrong key when it didn’t slide neatly into the lock.  But then Kristen looked more closely at the door.  Telltale scratches marked the metal around the lock.  He’d had them changed.  Kristen stood in shock and stared at the door as an internal struggle raged between rationality and madness.  

 

And then, suddenly she threw her bag at the door and flung her head back, emitting an unearthly shriek from her throat as her carefully constructed reality began to crumble.

******

By the time John made it back to the hotel a short while later, Belle was already asleep, and Brady wasn’t far behind.  The excitement of the theme park and the subsequent sobs had tired them both out and Brady crawled into bed as John lay Belle down on hers.  He unlaced her shoes and slipped them off before gently sliding her arms out of her jacket sleeves.  Kissing her forehead gently, he covered her up with a light blanket.  He repeated the process with Brady and then he quietly exited the room, pulling the door to behind him.

 

He wandered out into the living room of the suite and looked around.  There were toys and clothes spread from one end of the room to the other.  In some ways it felt a lot more like home than the loft did.  He picked up Belle’s big bunny and hugged it to him, breathing in the scent of his little girl as he walked to the windows.  He opened the sliding door and  stepped onto the small balcony.  The air was warm and humid, even for spring, and it carried the mild scent of rain.

 

He leaned on the railing, staring vacantly at the world beneath him.  But his eyes did not see.  Instead, they looked to the past.  The last time he had been in Florida things had been so incredibly different. 

 

They had been in Miami, waiting for that call, the call that would take them to the island and to their answers.  He was Roman Brady, she, his wife.  For now, and, had he admitted it to himself at the time, forever.  Even then he had been afraid of losing her again.

 

It had been tense, the dance of two, once lovers who were now strangers.  But slowly, little bit by little bit they had found that path that would lead them back.  There had been the strawberries, sweetly accidental.  She had been so awkward about that, and he had loved her for it.  So, why don’t you have yourself an omen?   But then, afterward he had been so tense, and she had known just how to relax him.  Muscle memory….e mblazoned into his own memory.  And then she had left the room, putting distance between them.  Before we do something we might regret.  

 

But he had found her, down on that warm Miami beach, and in a moment of heaven, he had surrendered.  Surrendered to the emotions that he had been trying to ignore.  He had made his decision.  

 

That was, until they had found their answers.  The answers that neither of them had ever expected.

 

He would never forget the look in her beautiful hazel eyes when she laid them on both her husbands.  Like her world had just come crashing down around her.  He, Roman Brady, had come back and he had reclaimed her and his family, leaving John with a name that meant nothing and a past that was a blank page, waiting to be rewritten.

 

And it had been easier to just walk away.  Easier than to fight and lose her to Roman.  Easier than to feel his heart breaking as she told him she loved Roman more and watch her walk away.  He had never even given her the chance.  He as good as made the decision for her.  It was best, he justified it.  Best for everyone.

 

John shook his head and sat down in one of the iron chairs as rain began to drizzle in front of him.  Best for everyone.  Said who?  Maybe if he and Marlena had been honest about their feelings to begin with, they wouldn’t have hurt so many of the people they loved.  It was hard to say, with hindsight, what would have been best.  But maybe if they had given themselves the chance to find out without just assuming it, things would be much different now.

 

He looked up and sent a silent apology to Isabella.  He had loved her so much, and he had been so happy when he had married her, and maybe if she hadn’t been taken from him, he wouldn’t have made so many terrible mistakes.  

 

Maybe. He couldn’t really say with any certainty.

 

He had done things in the last few years which had been inexcusable.  He didn’t even recognize the man he had become with Kristen, and he didn’t want to know that man.  If any good had come of the last few months, it was that he felt more like himself than he had in years.  His judgement, though he didn’t entirely trust it yet was much less clouded, and he was finally being honest about his true feelings, feelings which he had denied himself for far too long.

 

But as good as that felt, that still left him the question of what to do about Marlena.  He loved her, that was simple.  He loved her and he wanted to be with her.  The question was, did she still love him?  He suspected she did.  He knew her too well to believe that she could just turn those feelings off like a faucet.  But she had chosen to give up on those feelings and she had turned to Eugene Bradford.   A little voice nagged at him.  The same way you did with Kristen?  You couldn’t have Marlena so you pursued Kristen instead.  Was that what Marlena was doing?

 

He hugged the bunny tighter too him and watched the steady downfall of rain, the droplets bouncing off the iron railing soaking the bottom of his jeans.  He couldn’t imagine Marlena doing that knowingly.  She would do anything she could to prevent those that she loved from suffering pain.  And even though John didn’t want to admit it, he knew how much she cared for Eugene.  He had been her best friend though years of trial and pain.  But those same years had also contained some of the happiest moments of her life, and Eugene had been there for those too.  

 

John chewed on the inside of his lip.  So, she loved the man.  But did she love Eugene more than she loved him?  And even if she didn’t, did he even have any right to go in there and make trouble for her again?  If she was happy, shouldn’t he just let her be happy?

 

But then there was the rub.  Who was to say that she was happy or that she would stay happy?  He knew from bitter experience that no-one could predict that.  So here he was, back where he had started, and he had a decision to make.   The same decision he *hadn’t* made over six years ago.   And again, all he had were questions and more questions.  

 

And nobody to provide the answers but himself.

Chapter 64 – Dancing Queen

She carefully unlocked the front door of the penthouse and slipped inside.  Her last two appointments had cancelled, and she had decided to shelve the paperwork for the rest of the day.  She had other plans in store.    The apartment was quiet, but she smiled as she saw him curled up on the sofa with his back to her.  He was obviously engrossed in a book and hadn’t heard her entrance.  

 

Quietly, she shed her trench coat and deposited her briefcase on the floor before removing her shoes.  She picked up the bottle of wine and the flowers she had brought home with her and padded across the carpet in her stockinged feet.  With a cheeky smile, she leaned over the back of the sofa so that she was almost touching him.

 

“Hi, handsome,” she whispered huskily in his ear.  A smile slid across Q’s face and he put his book down.. 

 

“Hi there yourself gorgeous.”  He turned his head slightly and felt her soft lips brush against his.

 

“I brought you something,” she said as she slid her arms around him, flowers in one hand, the bottle of fine Merlot in the other.

 

“My my,” he raised his eyebrows at her romantic gesture as he took the flowers.  The bouquet was beautiful, formed from old-fashioned white roses mingled with a fresh lime-green euphorbia.  The fragrance seemed to surround both of them as he lay the flowers on the table.  Sliding his hand down her arm, he took the wine from her hand and placed it on the table next to the flowers.  Then he turned, his eyes widening.   

 

She wore a beguiling smile and the top of her lavender suit was unbuttoned, exposing flashes of white lace and a delicious expanse of enticing cleavage.  Leaning closer, she wrapped her arms around his upper body.

 

“Missed you.”  Her warm breath tickled against his ear.

 

“You’ve been gone less than eight hours,” Q grinned.

 

“I know and it’s been driving me crazy,” Marlena sighed.

 

They had not talked of the children, or John since the day that Caroline had been there. Marlena had skillfully avoided the subject if it even threatened to come up.  In fact, she had managed to avoid much talking at all during the weekend.  Instead, she had concentrated on taking advantage of the absence of distractions.  It had been exhilarating but exhausting and Gene had almost welcomed the solitude when she had taken her leave for work that morning.  Now however, he was delighted to find that she was home early.

 

“Well, why don’t we remedy that situation?” he murmured against her mouth, gently capturing her upper lip between his.  Marlena responded, opening her mouth slightly as he ran his tongue tentatively along her lower lip.  She moaned as his hands slid down her sides to her waist.  In one single and unexpected movement, he pulled her over the low back of the sofa.

 

Marlena lay on her back and giggled as she looked up at Gene.

“You know,” she said as she reached up to trace his soft lips with her finger, “I just couldn’t concentrate at all today.”

 

“And why was that?” he raised his eyebrows as he lowered himself onto the cushions next to her, propping himself up slightly on his elbow.  Marlena rolled onto her side and found herself playing her fingers around the neckline of his tee shirt.

 

“Oh, I just kept thinking about the weekend,” she sighed with a wisp of a smile.  “And I kept finding myself wishing that I wasn’t at work.”  

 

Gene grinned.

 

“You mean the weekend wasn’t enough to sate that appetite of yours?” he murmured, hooking his finger inside the fold of her jacket and running it down over the gentle swell of her breast.  Marlena shivered with delight.

 

“Oh darling,” Marlena’s laughter was throaty, sending a thrill of desire through Eugene.  “Don’t tell me I wore you out.”

 

“Oh, don’t you worry sweetheart,” he toyed with the fine lace of her bra, “I’m all rested up now.”

 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Marlena whispered as she leaned closer, “because I have plans for you tonight.”

 

“Oh, you do, do you?” his voice was barely audible, just a flicker of warm breath against her lips.

 

“Mmmm-hmmmm…” she closed her eyes and slid her hand up over the warm skin of his neck as she felt his lips claim hers.  Her tongue quickly parted them and she began to taste him, letting him feel her moan as his thigh slid up over her nylon-clad leg.

 

She was panting as she moved back slightly, disengaging his fingers from her hair and lacing her own between them.  Never taking her eyes from his and with a kittenish smile, she kissed his fingers.

 

“Why don’t you finish up down here,” she suggested quietly, “put those flowers in some water and open the wine.  Then,” her smile returned, “you can join me upstairs.”

 

“That sounds like an offer I can’t refuse,” Gene kissed her fingers just as she had kissed his before settling a tender kiss on her lips.

 

“That’s the general idea,” Marlena replied as he helped her up from the sofa.  She made it to the steps before she turned back.  “Just don’t be long, will you?”

 

“Count on it,” he winked at her and then watched her as she climbed the staircase.  Turning around, he set the answering machine to pick up any calls straight away.  He had a feeling they would not want to be disturbed.

 

 *

 

It was several minutes later that he carried the open bottle of Merlot and some glasses up to the bedroom, but Marlena wasn’t there when he entered.  He called out her name and waited.  

“In here,” her voice had a lilting quality, and he traced the source to the bathroom.  He peeked around the door to find her smiling at him.  “Come in honey.”

 

The oval shaped bath, which was set slightly into the tiled floor, was filled with warm water and topped with fragrant suds.  Candles flickered softly around the room, the subtle scent of sandalwood invading the air.  Marlena came to him and took the glasses and the bottle with an enigmatic smile, placing them on the marble-topped counter.  Then she moved back to where he was standing.  Q had no idea what she expected, so he remained still.  Marlena slid her hand up over his tee shirt and around the nape of his neck.  She pulled herself closer to him, molding her body to his as she slipped her other arm around his neck.  Gene wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her slightly upwards so that she could balance on her toes.

 

“What’s all this about?” he asked quietly.  Marlena smiled and kissed him tenderly.

 

“I just wanted to show you,” she kissed him again, “how much you mean to me.”  The fingers of one hand busied themselves in his hair as she felt his lips on hers.  “You’ve spoilt me so much….” another kiss interrupted the flow of conversation, “…mmmm, that it’s time I spoilt you a little.”

 

“Oh,” Eugene nodded, an attentive smile on his lips.  “And what did you have in mind?”

 

“Well first,” Marlena’s voice dropped to a throaty hush, “I want you to get undressed.”

 

“No pre-amble from my Marlena, I see,” he raised his eyebrows teasingly.

 

“You should know by now that I’m nothing if not direct,” the riposte engendered a giggle from both of them.

 

“I wouldn’t have you any other way,” Gene murmured against her jaw.  

 

Marlena shivered as she felt his warm lips travelling down her throat.

 

“Mmmm…Gene,” Marlena managed to pull away from him slightly.  As much as she loved it when he did that, she didn’t want to give into her own desires…just yet.  “Just take off your clothes huh?”  He gave her a beleaguered sigh and then let her go.  

 

“Okay then,” he nodded but then caught her hands up in his.  “Do you think you could give me a hand.  I’m not at all sure that I’m capable of managing this by myself.”  Marlena only flashed him a sly smile as she backed away slightly.  Not taking her eyes from his, she began to slide her hands back down his body.  Then she rounded him until she was directly behind him, her hands on his waist.  She leaned forward and nuzzled his neck whispering, “I’ll help you any way you need it baby.”

 

Gene felt almost dizzy for a moment.  She knew just how to tease him, how to leave him desperate for more.  She was an incredibly sensual woman, far more so than he suspected anyone who knew her imagined.  Anyone that hadn’t been in love with her that was.  

 

Marlena tugged at his tee shirt from the back, enticing it from his jeans.  She worked her fingers underneath the cotton as Gene untucked it at the front.  Concentrating on the way he felt under her hands, Marlena worked her fingers up over the muscles in his back, her palms wandering over his warm skin.  She was restrained from going too far by the fabric until, in unison with her passage, he raised his arms to remove the shirt. Marlena’s hands roamed up and over his shoulders, smoothing the skin of his upper arms as they took the shirt with them.

 

It was all Gene could do to suppress a groan as he felt her move against him, the coarse weave of her suit rough against his skin.  Matters were not helped any as her hands continued their trek after discarding the tee-shirt.  Now she ran them down over his front with the lightest of touches, her lips adding to the sweet frustration as they began to explore the side of his neck.  Her fingers reached the waistband of his jeans and she deftly unbuttoned him with practiced skill before helping him out of the stiff denim.  

 

Q kicked away the jeans as he turned around.  He was reaching for the button to her jacket when she stayed his hand.

 

“No,” she shook her head with a tantalizing smile before she insinuated her fingers between him and the waistband of his boxers.  “I told you, I want *you* to get undressed.”

 

“Oh?” he laid his hands on her shoulders and then began to draw his fingers down over the lightly freckled skin  of her chest.  With a grin, Marlena swiftly pulled down his boxers and dropped them on the floor.

 

“Yes,” she mouthed.  “Now if you’ll oblige me by getting in the bath?” 

 

Gene climbed into the bathtub and settled down into the warm soapy water, intrigued by what she was up to.  He leaned back against the curved end of the tub and watched Marlena walk back to the counter.  The glow of the candlelight behind the wine bottle painted the liquid a ruby red as she picked it up and splashed a generous portion of wine into each glass.   Then she picked up a glass in each hand and carried them to the tub.  Gene took the one that was proffered and met her toast with an audible clink.

 

“To us,” she said simply, “for all that has gone before and all that has yet to be.”

 

“To us,” he echoed her sentiment and then lifted the glass to his lips and took a sip.

 

Marlena took a small taste of her wine and then set it on the ground.

 

“Just a moment,” she ran the back of her fingers down the side of Gene’s face, “I’ll be right back.”  

 

She was as good as her word and the mellow sounds of soft soul music followed her back into the bathroom.

 

“That’s better,” she smiled seductively as she neared the counter once again.  She picked up a small, blue glass bottle and carried it back to the bath cradled in her hands.  Gene’s eyes followed her every move as she sank back onto the edge of the bath, her lavender skirt riding up to expose the merest hint of pale lace.

 

Slowly, she unscrewed the cap of the bottle and poured a small amount of bath oil into her hand.

“Lean forward,” she urged softly as she worked the oil into her palms, warming it.  He obeyed and she touched her hands to his shoulders, slowly moving them over his moist skin.  Her thumbs made long smooth strokes over his upper back, seeking out the tension in his muscles with her skilled hands. 

 

Under the skillful manipulation of her fingers, Q began to unwind, letting her caress away the tautness he hadn’t even been aware of.  He sighed as she worked up over the muscles in his neck, her practiced fingers soothing the knots that they found.  Marlena smiled as he groaned beneath her fingers, rolling his neck slightly, following her sensual touch.  She slid her hands down his back, thoroughly enjoying the slight warmth of friction between her palms and his skin.  

 

Gene couldn’t believe the sublime feeling of her hands on him.  It was relaxing but exhilarating all at once.  She seemed to be able to instinctively find the knots in his muscles, the magic of her fingers wiping them away with almost a simple touch.  And aside from becoming relaxed, Gene found himself becoming rather aroused.

 

 Applying another layer of oil, Marlena slowly stroked up over the now familiar muscles of Gene’s back and over to the top of his arms.  However, moving much further was restricted by her suit and when she couldn’t safely lean over the bath any further, she ceased and pushed herself up off the edge of the tub.  Eugene’s protestations were stilled as she placed her index finger against her reddened lips.  

 

She began swaying her hips to the music as her hands dropped to the pearlized buttons of her jacket.  Never taking her eyes from him, she slowly slid the button out of its hole.  He swallowed as her hands moved down, slowly separating the buttons from their holes until the jacket swung open, revealing the satin and lace panels of a white teddy.

 

With a wink, she slid the lapels of the jacket slowly over her freckled shoulders and let it slip down her arms to fall with a muffled clink of buttons on the tiled floor.  She slid it behind her with her foot and walked back to the bath.  With her hand on the edge of the tub, she leaned over to get her glass of wine, lingering for just a moment longer to give Eugene a tempting flash of cleavage.  Lifting the glass to her lips, she let the warm wine roll across her tongue, imparting a delightful tingle to several of her senses.  She carried the wine back to the counter and set it on the marble top, before she turned back to Eugene.  Her hands moved behind her to loosen the button and zipper of the skirt before she slipped it over her hips.

 

Gene couldn’t help the sigh that escaped his lips as she stood there, an almost shy smile curving her lips.  She looked exquisite, the satin of the teddy following the shapely curves of her body up to her remarkable cleavage, while only a small, but enticing area of exposed skin was visible above the lacy tops of her stockings. 

 

He had to work extremely hard to suppress a further groan as she began to work a stocking slowly down her thigh.  By the time she divested herself of the second stocking, beads of perspiration were appearing on his forehead.   Marlena picked up her glass of wine and carried it back to the tub where she knelt on the mat and leaned over the edge.

 

“Do you like your surprise so far?” she asked softly, her voice deep and throaty.

 

“Oh baby,” Q shook his head, unable to voice any of the emotions he felt.  He didn’t really need to however; it was abundantly clear to her just how much he was enjoying it.  Marlena grinned with her own enjoyment of the situation and leaned further over the bathtub.  Q had to resist the extremely strong urge to pull her into the water, lingerie and all.  He wanted her badly, but he figured he could wait, at least for another few minutes.  Instead, he lifted his hands to her face, tracing the contours of her cheekbones with his thumbs.  Marlena shivered slightly as his fingers delved into her hair and he leaned to her.  His kiss was soft and sweet, his lips dancing over hers, at moments barely touching.  One of Marlena’s hands steadied herself against his shoulder as she turned the kiss into something more insistent.  Her tongue entered his mouth tenaciously, seeking more of him, inviting him further.

 

As soon as he took up the invitation though, she pulled away from him.  Catching his hands in hers, she lowered them to her shoulders.  Her meaning was clear, and Q slowly and almost reverently slid the straps over her shoulders.  Marlena stood up and quietly divested herself of the teddy so that she was completely naked, the soft candlelight framing her curves and bathing her in a golden radiance.

 

Gene’s heart beat soundly in his chest as he watched her.  She was divine, like some perfect creation, actual but ephemeral all at once.  It was almost as if he were waiting for her to dissolve into nothingness, to slip through his fingers when he wasn’t looking.  And so, he couldn’t turn away.  He was hers for as long as she would have him and he wasn’t letting go.

 

She held out her hand to him and he took it, taking the other one also as she stepped into the bath.  Facing him, she sat down so that she was almost directly in his lap. 

 

“Hi there,” she whispered sexily as she moved her legs so that she was almost kneeling, her knees pressing against his hips, her feet brushing against his thighs.

 

“Hi,” his voice was choked as she reached for the bottle of oil again.

 

“I think that I got interrupted somewhere along the way,” she said thoughtfully as she drizzled the oil into her cupped palm.

 

Gene thought he might die when she began to work the oil into his shoulders and chest.  He just wasn’t sure if this would send him to heaven, or to hell, because he was having some extremely wicked thoughts.  He watched her face as she rubbed the oil into his skin, her face flushing slightly as she rubbed the pads of her thumbs over his nipples.   Her eyes raised to his to take in his reaction and he found himself no longer able to keep his hands off her.  

 

He slid them up her sides and up over her breasts, brushing her already firm nipples with his fingers and palms.  Marlena sighed as he caught her mouth with his, the kiss bruisingly forceful.  His lips quickly left hers though and he moved downward quickly, sampling her sweet flesh with his lips and tongue.  Her hands clasped around the back of his neck as she threw her head back, his teeth nipping at her skin as his lips teased her.  She wriggled in the cooling water as his mouth traveled over the swell of her breasts, exploring her as his tongue dipped into the valley of her cleavage.  He left a moist trail across the curve of her breast and Marlena gasped as he took her nipple in his warm mouth and began to play his tongue across it.  She seemed to be particularly sensitive tonight and her moaning turned Q on even more as he toyed with her.  He began to alternate his mouth and his hands between her breasts as she pulled him closer, loving the way he knew almost instinctively what turned her on.  

 

She moaned loudly as his tongue whipped back and across her nipple while his thumb circled around the other and Gene felt her fingers clutch at the hair at the nape of his neck.

 

“Mmmmmphh,” she muffled her cry against the top of his head as she began to writhe again.  He lifted his head from her and grinned.  

 

“Is that a hint, baby?”  

 

Marlena didn’t answer but kissed him hungrily as she began to rub herself up against him.  Taking the not-so-subtle hint, he leaned back against the end of the tub and shifted her slightly forward.  Marlena moaned as she felt his hardness against her, and her cry was echoed by one of Q’s as he felt her beckoning him inward.

 

Taking charge, Marlena took him with her hand and guided him between her legs.  He slid into her welcoming warmth slowly, taking his time in experiencing the sensations their bodies created together.  Raising his knees slightly, he sent her sprawling against him, and taking advantage of her surprise, he began to suck on her earlobe.  Her whimper was overtaken by the shudder that ran through her as he began to move his hips ever so slowly.  He felt her teeth graze the skin of his shoulder as she began to move up and down. It was a moment before Marlena lifted her head.  When she brought her eyes to Eugene’s she found they were filled with a burning desire that both intrigued and slightly scared her.  

 

Bringing her hands up to frame his face, she began to kiss him, slowly and very deliberately, exploring his mouth with her tongue, just as he explored her.  Q’s hands sank almost unconsciously to her breasts, massaging them with his palms, mirroring the movement of her hips as she rocked them slowly back and forth.  

 

Unable to keep her mind from what he was doing to her, Marlena steadied herself against the end of the tub and moved backwards a little.  Q watched her as her body swayed in the flickering candlelight, moving fractionally faster.  Her eyes were closed in concentration as she set the pace, letting out an occasional sigh or moan of enjoyment as he moved his hips slightly one way or another.  She gasped as he slid down the bath slightly, sending her falling forward again so that her golden hair tumbled about her face.  

 

She pressed her lips together as the touch of Gene’s hands roughened on her breasts, encouraging her to move faster.  His hips did the same and she began to voice his name between labored breaths.

 

“Oh Gene, mmmmm,” she bit her lip as he ground his hips upward.  Her hands moved from the bath to his chest, pushing herself further backward at the same time that her nails began to sink into his skin.  The water in the tub became more turbulent as they moved together.

 

Gene could see that Marlena was almost ready to come and he was past ready himself, so he slid his hands up so that they were framing her face.  She opened her eyes to look at him and the expression in his eyes almost brought her to orgasm immediately.  

 

“Oh God.”  She cried out as he began to thrust rapidly into her.  “Oh Gene.”  He kept it up, slamming into her as she began to call his name over and over, moving wildly on top of him until the sound of his name rolling off her lips brought him to his own climax.  He came deep inside her as she tightened around him, still moving and still whimpering.  

 

Finally, he pulled her to him, and they clung together for several minutes as their bodies cooled.  It was Marlena that eventually pulled back, realizing that the cold water was going to give them both chills in a few minutes.  With Gene’s help, she climbed out of the tepid water and then she helped him out.  She draped a towel round him and then pulled one around her own shoulders.  Eugene wrapped his arms around her and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

 

“That was wonderful,” he whispered.

 

“*You’re* wonderful,” she smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling.

 

“Hey, you stole my line!” he kissed her gently again, this time on the lips.

 

“And why would I do that?” she asked him teasingly, feeling incredibly happy.

 

“Probably for the same reason you stole my heart,” he murmured in return.  

 

Before she could reply, his mood lightened and he took her hand and pulled her into the bedroom.

 

“Get dressed,” he told her simply, “I’m taking you dancing.”

 

*

 

It was without argument and less than an hour later that Marlena found herself at the Penthouse Grill.  She was almost oblivious to everyone else as she sat with Gene at a secluded table in the corner.  They ate little but laughed a lot.  Several heads near them turned at the sound of giggles but they lost interest when they saw the couple immersed in themselves.  All that was, but one.

 

It was between courses that Q pulled Marlena up onto the dance floor.  The music melted seamlessly from Porter to Gershwin as he slipped one arm around her shoulder and caught her hand with the other.  He held it close to his chest so that she could feel the echo of his heart beating against the back of her hand.  She smiled up at him as he held her close to him and began to move slowly.

 

“I seem to remember your dancing being a little more…. exuberant,” she teased him.

 

“Hmmm, well a few hundred years teaches one the benefits of moderation,” he gave her a half smile, “though some I’m sure wouldn’t agree that I’ve learnt that particular lesson.”  Knowing better than to press him for the meaning behind the obtuse comment, Marlena simply moved her arm further around his neck, bring her closer to him.

 

“Whatever…I like it,” she lifted her eyebrows slightly and he smiled in response.

 

“Oh, you do, do you?”

 

He muffled her murmured reply with his lips, and they kissed in the middle of the dance floor.

 

Separating, more out of necessity than desire, they began to dance again.  Gene hummed a few bars of the music and Marlena rested her head on his chest as they slowly swayed.  Then she felt the rumble in his chest as he quietly began to sing so that she could only hear.   

 

The way your smile just beams, The way you sing off key, 

The way you haunt my dreams, No, no, they can’t take that away from me.

 

*

 

At a table close to the door, Kristen DiMera sat seething as she watched Marlena Evans dance with her new lover.  She had thought that she would be delighted to see the bitch ensnare another man, for that would mean John would finally be hers.  All hers.  Instead, the sight of a radiant Marlena giggling like a schoolgirl only made her more miserable.

 

Marlena was with Eugene Bradford, there was no doubt about that.  Everything about the woman, from her low-cut black gown, to the smile on her face and that damned sexual *glow* about her, pointed to that fact.  She was getting it on a regular basis and still Kristen was here alone, and John was God knows where.  Not that it would help if she knew where he was.  He didn’t want her; he had made that abundantly clear. 

 

Kristen threw another scowl at the oblivious couple on the dance floor.  She didn’t understand any of it.  She couldn’t understand how it was that Marlena could give up John so easily, and she couldn’t understand what made it different for John this time.  Every other time he had thought that Marlena had rejected him, he had come crawling back to her bed.  Sometimes it had been slower than others, but always it had seemed to be inevitable.  Until now. Until Marlena had herself a new man and there was no chance of John getting her back.  It was *now* that John chose to decide he’d rather be alone than be with the woman that was carrying his child.

 

And every move that that smug bitch made rubbed in the fact for Kristen.  Every laugh, every intimate smile, every whisper spelled out the fact that while everyone *loved* Marlena, no-one loved Kristen.  No-one.

 

With an ugly scowl and clenched fists, Kristen resisted the urge to sweep the contents of her table to the floor.  She looked at Marlena as the other woman threw her head back in laughter and Kristen knew that whatever she did, the *perfect* Marlena Evans would always be there, making her life a misery.  

 

It was as though defeat enveloped her instantly on that realization and wearily, she dropped her napkin into the half-eaten plate of food.  Propelling her chair back from the table, she pushed herself up awkwardly.  No-one saw the pregnant and disheveled woman leave the restaurant in tears mere moments later.

 

*

 

Marlena finally led Q from the floor, pleading sore feet, and they ordered dessert.  She fed him the raspberry parfait in between laughter and sips of champagne.  Neither of them had any idea that Kristen had even been present, and they were perfectly happy in their blissful ignorance.  

 

 It was several dances later that they finally called a taxi.  They rode home cuddled up in the back of the cab, ignoring all of the driver’s attempts to engage them in conversation as they furtively made out under the cover of darkness.  On the way up in the elevator, they could barely keep their hands or mouths off each other, throwing caution to the wind as they rode with only muffled moans and the rustle of clothing.

 

The elevator door opened mid-gasp and they stumbled to the door.  Gene teased Marlena mercilessly as she had trouble, first unlocking the door to the penthouse, and then mis-punching the access code to the alarm.  Finally in gales of giggles, she managed to get it right, but she had no time to recover as he swept her off her feet and into his arms.  She squealed as she grabbed hold of him, throwing her arms around his neck as he took the stairs two at a time.

 

“Gene,” she gasped for breath, tears of laughter slipping from the corner of her eyes.  “Gene, put me down!”

 

“What, here?,” he asked innocently as he stopped at the top of the staircase.  Marlena barely had time to react to the suspect gleam in his eye before he pretended to drop her.  She shrieked even more loudly than before and reflexively tightened her arms around his neck.  With fake choking sounds, he pretended to stagger.  “I get…your…point,” his voice was purposely hoarse, and it sent Marlena into even greater paroxysms of laughter.  She did, however, loosen her grip on him and he carried her to the bedroom.

 

With a flourish, he kicked the door open and proceeded to the bed where he dumped her unceremoniously onto the soft comforter.  Marlena continued to giggle as she rolled onto her side and watched him fall onto the bed next to her.  His quiet laughter joined hers as they regarded each other for several moments.

 

“What an elegant entrance Dr. Evans,” Q said finally as the hilarity subsided.

 

“Why thank you,” she grinned as she kicked her shoes off one by one and rolled half onto her stomach.  “I *do* try.”

 

“Mmmm, I’m sure you do,” he murmured as he edged closer to her. 

 

“You know what?” Marlena asked as she reached out and pulled on the end of his bow tie, her eyes bright.

 

“What?” he removed the offending tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt.

 

“I had a *wonderful* time tonight.”  She wiggled even closer to him, and he found himself faced with the cleavage that spilled over the low-cut bodice of her dress.

 

“Uh…. mmmm,” he dragged his eyes up to her face which was alive with amusement, “you did?”

 

“Oh yeah,” she slid down the bed slightly and undid the next button of his shirt, “I did.”

 

“Well, that’s good,” he surprised her by sitting up suddenly, “because it’s not over yet.”

 

“Oh?” she propped herself up on one elbow as her query followed him into the bathroom.  He came out a moment later toting the blue bottle and a white towel.  “Oh, Mr. Bradford,” a sly smile crept onto her lips, “I like the way you think.”

 

“Oh, you do, do you?” He set the bottle on the bed stand with a smile and slid his jacket off before he undid the cuffs of his shirt.

 

“Mmmmm, I certainly do,” her voice was husky and full of promise as she slid the straps of her dress from her shoulders.  She rolled over onto her back as she watched Gene unbutton his shirt.  Her look was approving as he shed first the shirt, and then his pants.

 

“Roll over,” he told her as he climbed onto the bed and kneeled next to her.  

 

She did as he asked, rolling onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows.  She felt his hands lift her long blonde hair and then let it spill delicately over her shoulder so that it hit the chintz of the comforter with a soft bump.  As small shiver ran through her as his fingers brushed over her back, seeking out the zipper of her dress.  She felt a small tug and then the rasping sound of the zipper as it slid downward, albeit at a maddeningly slow pace.  The tickle of his fingers on her as he parted the fabric was too much for her in her intoxicated state and she began to giggle.  Her laugh was infectious, and Gene joined her as she dropped onto her side. 

 

“Let me help you out of that,” he offered with a grin as she began to struggle out of the dress.  However, it turned out not to be such an easy task.  The more Marlena moved, the more she got caught up in the dress, until finally they were both laughing too hard to do anything.  

 

Marlena buried her face in the comforter as she tried to smother the giggles that shook her body.  It was only when she felt Gene’s hands brushing her thighs, that seriousness finally overtook her, and she was able to look up.  Without a word, he helped her up off the bed and she slid the offending garment over her hips, dropping it in a noiseless pile on the carpet.  She discarded her lingerie almost as quickly and Eugene covered her with a towel as she climbed on the bed.  She sat up, nevertheless holding the towel to her, and looked up at him.

 

“You know, I’m not that modest,” she teased.

 

“And *you* know better than to argue with me,” he replied flippantly.  She smiled cheekily at him as he picked up the bottle of oil.  He gave her a look that bespoke his amusement at her heightened animation.  “Just lie down alright?”  Marlena rolled her eyes and blew several strands of hair from her eyes with one well-placed puff.

 

“Alright,” she conceded, not too unhappily, before she promptly rolled onto her stomach.

 

Gene grinned as he pulled the towel from under her and laid it across her all too tempting rear.  He was going to have a hard enough time keeping his mind on what he was doing without that distraction.  

 

He unscrewed the lid of the bottle, set it down on the nightstand, and then poured some oil into his cupped hand.  He set the bottle next to the lid and, as Marlena had done several hours before, he worked the oil into his palms.  

 

He started at her shoulders, carefully covering her in oil, applying more when it was needed.  With gentle, yet firm fingers, he began to knead the muscles in her neck and shoulders, easing the tension away with broad, strong strokes.  Marlena sighed deeply as he moved lower, finding the knotted muscles and plying them with warmth and gentle caresses. 

 

As she relaxed, it began to feel like there was more than one pair of hands.  It seemed like he was touching her back everywhere, hands sliding over polished skin, soothing tired sinews.  And then it wasn’t just her back, but also her limbs, fingers caressing, stroking away the fatigue and invigorating her.  Moreover, as the lassitude faded, it was replaced with a growing sensation of desire.

 

And then, suddenly it was though all of the pairs of hands and all the sensations melded into one scalding touch, firing up her senses and sending bolts of lust ripping through her body.  Q moved his hands down the side of her body, brushing her breasts with the merest flutter of a touch.  He smiled as he was rewarded with a moan that left Marlena breathless.  He continued stroking his hands over the beautiful curves of her body, feeling her desire growing under the gentlest of touches.  He reached the towel and pulled it away, continuing his trek over her rounded buttocks and down the back of her thighs.  Marlena hummed her appreciation softly, as his soft hands skimmed down her legs to her feet.  

 

Pouring some more oil into his hands, he proceeded to massage her feet, pressing his thumbs into certain pressure points that oddly only aroused Marlena more.  Waves of need swept her nerves as his fingers whispered up over her skin again, almost burning at each fleeting touch.  She was close to whimpering as his thumbs caressed the skin of her inner thigh.  He worked still upwards with his hands until he once again reached her shoulder.  He felt her shudder as his lips brushed the nape of her neck, and he brushed her thick, golden hair to one side as he began to lavish more attention on her neck.

 

For her part, Marlena could barely think, but for the sensations that were flooding her body.  Gene’s lips were murmuring over her skin, his touch inflaming her already feverish senses.  She hardly heard his whisper to turn over and it was more intuitive on her part than reactionary.  

 

One strong hand quickly pinned her arms behind her head, and she gasped as he ran the other over her breasts.  Gene was gratified to see the way the color ran to her cheeks and he bent down, crushing her lips with his.  Marlena tried to raise her head to get closer to him, but he raised his head out of her reach and looked down at her.  Her hair lay about her face like a tousled golden halo, her lips-stained vermilion, the color of desire.  Slowly, almost as though he were trying to imprint everything about her in his mind, the way she looked, the scent of her, the impossible softness of her skin, he bent to kiss her again.  Covering her body with his, he kissed her tenderly, his lips and tongue conveying the depth of his love for her.  Marlena disengaged one of her hands from his and brought it up to his face, tracing her fingers down the familiar contours of his cheek and across to the mouth that she loved so.  Gene caught the hand in his and kissed her palm as he looked down at her.

 

Finally, he tore his eyes from hers and concentrated his attentions on her body, once again.  His mouth traced a damp path from her neck to her cleavage, and he felt her back arch as he brought his mouth across to her nipple.

 

“Mmmmm,” Marlena murmured, the feeling of his warm, moist tongue on her depleting her of any other vocalizations.  Gene circled her nipple with his tongue, before flickering it back and forth over her.  Her hands, still held behind her head, gripped the edge of a soft, frilled pillow.  

 

And then, it was suddenly verging on the edge of overwhelming.  Every graze of his tongue ignited another nerve, triggering a cascade of lust that saturated her body.  His teeth nipped at her, eliciting whimpers as her back arched higher.  She squirmed under him, her breaths quickening into pants as he continued to play her, heightening her arousal until it was almost unbearable.  And then, maddeningly, he stopped.

 

After a moment, she opened her eyes to look at him.  He was staring at her, just taking her in. 

 

“Make love to me,” she whispered.  He only nodded as he let her arms go, and quickly removed his boxers. He ran one hand over her body, slowly memorizing the soft curves of her, the way her skin was satiny soft under his fingers.  Then with practiced grace, he moved atop her, resting his weight on his elbows.  With his hands he brushed the stray tresses around Marlena’s face and looked down at her glowing countenance.  She smiled up at him, framing his face with her hands as she felt him move between her legs.  

 

They continued to watch each other as he slowly entered her, moving inside her with almost infinite tenderness.  She drew her knees up on either side of his hips and began to match his careful movements with hers.  But still, she watched the way his eyes shone and the half smile on his face as he stared down at her.  They remained that way for several minutes, locked in a spell that neither of them would willingly break.

 

Finally, it was Marlena that urged Gene to pick up the pace.  She had already been on the verge of orgasm once tonight before he had stopped, and it wouldn’t be long until she got there again.  Moving her hands around his neck, she grazed her fingernails down his bare back.   She closed her eyes and threw back her head, moaning as she felt Q’s thrusts quicken.  Their bodies moved together in a harmonious rhythm, skin sliding against skin, sighs and moans entangling as much as bodies.  

 

His lips on her throat were enough to bring Marlena to her first climax and she pressed her lips together as she moved rapidly beneath him.  Eugene felt her nails digging into him and he thrust harder, prolonging her orgasm as much as he could.  She felt divine and he wanted this moment to last forever.

 

It was almost finished when she was overtaken by an even more intense orgasm than the first.  She began to repeat his name over and over again as her limbs twined around him.  His hands were in her hair and his body consuming hers as her muscles tightened around him.  The vibrations of his groans against her ear intensified her climax once again, and finally her whimpers brought him to his own.  They clung together as they rode out the final waves of an orgasm that seemed to go on forever.

 

It was a while before Marlena realized that her foot had gone to sleep.  She wiggled under Gene and opened his eyes.  Without a word, he moved off her and removed the comforter from underneath them.  He pulled it over Marlena and himself as she cuddled up to him.  With a smile, he brushed the dampened hair from around her face and kissed her forehead.

 

“Thank-you,” she whispered contentedly.

 

“For what?” he asked her as he held her in his arms

 

“For loving me,” she replied simply before she snuggled closer to him, feeling safe and fulfilled.  Gene buried his face in her hair and closed his eyes.  

 

They fell asleep that way.

Chapter 65 – Cuts Both Ways

At four in the morning, Salem is a lonely place.  There are a few stirrings of life, the rustle of stray cats behind dark buildings, the low rumble of a solitary taxicab.  A few hardy souls stare at TV screens as insomnia burns the midnight oil.  A child stirs in her bed, cocooned in a deep and dreamless sleep, while above, icy stars glitter, oblivious to the staccato bursts of human life below.

 

John Black’s loft is particularly deserted now.  Devoid of life for days, it sits empty and quiescent, as though waiting for a family to bring it that spark of animation again.  The sound of a telephone disturbs the silence, harshly discordant against a lifeless backdrop.  The machine picks up and a woman’s voice echoes into the empty void.  Tears fall, and then there is silence once again.

******

John woke the next morning to the sound of childish voices in the adjoining room.  He rolled over and looked at the clock.  It was barely seven in the morning.  He groaned, having barely slept at all the previous night.  The question of what to do about Marlena had revolved in endless circles through his mind, and sleep had been elusive, to say the least.  He closed his eyes and rolled over again, pulling the sheet up over his chest as he searched desperately for several more minutes of broken sleep.  Nevertheless, he was thwarted as the childish voices were replaced by soft sniffles, and his protective heart was broken by the sound of misery.

 

Quickly he swung his legs out of the bed and threw the hotel robe on over his shoulders.  In three strides, he was in the children’s bedroom where he found Belle in tears on the floor.  Brady, in the loving act of a big brother, had his arm around her and was comforting her as much as he could.

 

“Belle baby, honey, what’s wrong?” John asked as took her into his arms.  Belle looked up at him, her tiny angelic face stained with tears, but she remained silent.  “Belle?” John entreated gently.  “Sweetheart, please tell me what’s wrong.  Did you hurt yourself?”

 

Belle looked at him for a moment and then her mouth set into a stubborn line.  She shook her head, her blue eyes suddenly flashing with a four-year old’s ire, and he could feel her body tense against him.  

 

“Then what is it baby?” John asked again.  When she did not answer, he looked back at Brady.  It seemed obvious that Belle was angry and upset over something.  Maybe Brady knew what it was.

 

“Brady, can you tell me what’s upset your sister slugger?”  Brady looked uncertainly at John and then at Belle.  The little girl said nothing, and Brady looked back to his father.

 

“Belle wants to go home,” he said tentatively.  John looked at him, in surprise as he digested Brady’s words.  It was suddenly obvious to him that Belle was not the only one that felt that way.

 

“Is that it, Belle?” John asked her quietly.  “Do you want to go home?”

 

“Wanna see Mommy,” Belle said, her bottom lip quivering as she nodded.

 

“Oh, you miss your Momma?”  John was rewarded by dispirited nods from both the children, and he suddenly felt dreadful.

 

In his despondency over Marlena, he had barely stopped to think how this was affecting the children.  A sudden stab of guilt accompanied the realization that he had done exactly what Caroline had warned him against.  Taking the children away had been a spur of the moment decision, based partly on the fact that he missed them so much.  But now he realized he’d subconsciously had an agenda, and he he’d convinced himself that the children were having a wonderful time in order to further that agenda.

 

With hushing sounds, he rocked Belle as she began to cry again, the sounds of her sobs tearing at him.

 

“It’s okay punkin’ girl,” he cooed gently.  “If you want to go home and see Mommy, we’ll go home.”  

 

He looked at both of the children, a small smile creeping onto his chastened face.  “How does later on today sound?” 

 

* 

 

Most of the day passed before John was able to get them clearance to fly back to Salem.  A storm front on the East Coast had made flying dangerous and his pilot had opted to wait until the worst of the storm had blown out to sea before flying back to Salem.  It was finally around six in the evening that he made the call and filed a flight plan.  It didn’t take long for John got the children packed and to the airport.

 

The flight home took several, bumpy hours and neither of the children slept much during it.  Instead, happy to be going home, they played contentedly on the floor of the cabin, while their father watched them from the plush leather seat.   Finally, they landed in Salem where it was cool and still and took a taxi back to the loft.  

 

John carried a sleepy Belle in one arm and held Brady’s hand with the other as the cab driver followed them up with their baggage.  The man placed the baggage inside the grey loft door and John tipped the man well before sliding the door closed.  He left the bags where they were, exhaustion overtaking him, and he carried both of the children upstairs.  It seemed that the children were not the only ones fatigued by recent events, and it was all John could do to get them changed into their pajamas and have them brush their teeth. 

 

However, instead of going to their beds in the next room, Belle and Brady decided that they preferred to cuddle up with Daddy for a while.  John had no heart to refuse them after everything that had happened and they all piled into his bed, snuggling together.  He pulled the comforter around them, intending to wait until the children had gone to sleep before carrying them to their own beds.  And yet, he never got that far, falling into a sound sleep within minutes. 

 

Sleep claimed him so fast he never even noticed the red light blinking on the answering machine.

 

*

 

It was an early phone-call from Nicole that woke John the next morning.  She had called him on his cellphone, assuming he was still out of town, and he had spent several moments fumbling around in his clothes before he had found the small device.  Thankfully, the call had not woken the children and John had taken the phone downstairs with him.  

 

Simultaneously, he made himself a fresh pot of coffee and instructed Nicole on her tasks for the day.  She had informed him that the removal of Kristen Blake’s belongings had gone smoothly before ringing off for the day.  John poured himself a cup of strong, black coffee and walked to the window.  He opened the blind and looked out over the rooftops that surrounded his building.  He gave a beleaguered sigh, no closer to a decision than he had been the morning before.  If anything, he was more confused.

 

He yawned and took a sip of the scalding liquid as he contemplated what to do today.  It seemed that he had only two options.  One was to drop the children with Caroline and accept the fact that Marlena had moved on.  That wouldn’t leave him any closer to a resolution for himself, but at least he would be heeding her wishes.  At least those ones she had told him.  Of course, that was his other option.  To suppose that he may not know the whole story.  He could take the children back to the penthouse and try to talk to Marlena, as hard as that may be.

 

It seemed that the last few years, the biggest obstacles that they had needed to surmount in order to be together, had been themselves.  Maybe if they hadn’t assumed so much and had instead trusted their feelings, they wouldn’t have suffered so much.  Instead, they had been far too concerned with doing the right thing and too afraid of hurting each other and the people they loved, they had tucked their feelings away.

 

John walked over to the table and picked up a photo of Marlena.  It was taken several years ago, and she was holding an infant Belle.  He ran his thumb over the ceramic frame as he studied the smiling faces.  God, she was so beautiful, and he loved her so much.  He just could not begin to imagine his life without those sparkling eyes and that smile to guide him. 

 

He put the picture down again and took another mouthful of the coffee, chastising himself.  It was easy to imagine that everything would be just fine, until he remembered what he had seen, first in Marlena’s penthouse, and then in New York.  As much as he wanted to believe that she loved only him, the images of her with Eugene were burned into his mind, and enough to make him want to abandon his quest before he even started it.  

 

What if she laughed at him?  He had heard her tell Eugene that she loved him.  Marlena didn’t lie, if John knew anything about her, he knew that.  What if he was asking her to make another decision that she couldn’t make.  Was that at all fair to her?  

 

John shook his head.  They had been in this situation too many times before and had shied away from the hard questions.  And far from saving pain, they had only caused more of it.  It was time to stop second guessing Marlena and making assumptions.  Things may be exactly as they appeared, but as painful as that might be, he still had to find that out.  He owed that to both of them. 

 

John put down the coffee and turning for the stairs, he took them two at a time with the intention of getting the children dressed and ready to take to the penthouse.  However, entering the bedroom, he was surprised to find Belle and Brady still fast asleep, and he sat on the edge of the bed, watching them with a small smile.  All his hopes and dreams were wrapped up his children, these two angels and the new baby that was on the way.  They represented so many joys and struggles of the past and they embodied the soul of his future, whichever way that it should turn out.  

 

He smiled and brushed the blonde hair from Belle’s face with his index finger.  A little more sleep wouldn’t hurt them, given the energy they had expended on the trip south.  Getting up from the bed, John pulled the comforter further over the children and then, pulling on a tee-shirt, he went back downstairs.

 

He pulled his fingers through his unruly hair as he leafed through the mail that had arrived in his absence.  There was nothing of particular interest and he dropped the sheaf of letters on the table next to the telephone.  It was then that he noticed the flashing red light, indicating he had voicemail.

 

He hit the button on the machine and walked away from the phone.  There was a call from Caroline, one from a business associate, and a hang-up.  The next message was the one that caught his attention.  He almost didn’t recognize her voice at first, it was tear-filled and slightly slurred, and she sounded devoid of all hope.

 

“John,” Kristen’s voice cracked and there was a long pause, “John, I’m so sorry.”  There was a sound caught somewhere between a sob and a hiccup before she continued.  “John, I know you hate me now, but I’m sorry.  All I ever wanted was for you to love me.”  Her voice, more drunken as the seconds passed, became tinged with bitterness.  “I should have known you wouldn’t ever love anyone but your precious *Marlena*.   But you know what John?  She doesn’t deserve you.”  John heard a thump in the background, and his brow furrowed with worry.  “I saw her tonight you know.  Your *Doc* and her *lover*.  They were out dancing.”  She began to sob between her ramblings.  “I wouldn’t have treated you like that baby.    I would have loved you and I would have done anything for you.  Not like that *whore*.”  John flinched at Kristen’s words and her obvious hatred for Marlena.  “But you don’t love me,” her voice degenerated into complete self-pity, “and I can’t live without you John.  I just can’t do it….can’t….do….it.”  Her voice was low and slurred now, and it was becoming difficult to hear her.  John approached the machine in time to catch her final whispered words.  “Bye baby…..”  

 

As John stared in fright at the phone, he heard the crash of the receiver falling to the floor.  He swallowed, his throat tight and dry.  The time stamp on the machine told him Kristen had made the call at four a.m. the previous morning.  More than twenty-four hours ago.  

 

John suddenly felt terrified.  What if she had tried to kill herself?  He would be far too late to save her.  It would be his all fault; the death of Kristen and the baby she was carrying would be on his hands.  As much as he was angry at Kristen for what had happened, he knew it was not all her fault.  And he had certainly never intended to make her feel so wretched.

 

He felt as if he were frozen to the spot as the machine clicked over to the next message.  He was still dwelling on Kristen when he realized that it was Mike Horton’s voice.

 

“…. Kristen.  They brought her in a couple of hours ago John and she’s looking pretty bad.  I’m not sure what’s going to happen to her or the baby, but I think maybe you should get down here.”

 

John took a deep breath.  She was still alive when they got her to the hospital.  Maybe there was still hope.  Sending up a silent prayer, he ran back upstairs.

 

*

 

It didn’t take him long to get the children changed and into the jeep.  He dropped them at the pub with a brief explanation for Caroline and a promise to the children that he would be over to see them later.  He drove to the hospital, his heart racing all the way.  He had tried to call Mike, but the doctor had been busy, and no-one seemed to want to release any information about Kristen at all.  Whether that was a good or bad omen, he wasn’t sure.

 

The one thing that made him feel more guilty than anything was when he realized that he was praying more for the baby’s survival than for Kristen’s.  He couldn’t help it, the baby was so important to him now, it was all he had left of Marlena.  After everything he had gone through to ensure the child’s safety, to lose it now was too much for him to bear.  Could Marlena ever forgive him?  Could he ever forgive himself?

 

He pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and jumped out of the jeep, practically running through the corridors of the hospital as he tried to find Mike.  Finally, he cornered the doctor as he was coming out of a patient’s room.

 

“Mike!”  John was fighting for breath as he caught up with him.  “Mike, Kristen….is….is she…?”  

 

Mike turned to John; his face deadly serious.  He didn’t know where John had been till now, and he didn’t really care.  All he knew was his patient needed John’s reassurance, whatever it cost him.

“John, Kristen is alright.  For now.”  John walked down the corridor with the white-coated young man.  “She’s seriously depressed John, and she tried to overdose on tranquilizers.  Luckily Peter came back to town unexpectedly and he found her.  If he hadn’t….”  John blanched a whiter shade of pale.  He knew exactly what Mike was saying.  If Peter hadn’t stopped by Kristen’s when he did, he’d be visiting her in a morgue right now, instead of a hospital bed.

 

“Tranquilizers?” he asked cautiously as they rounded the corner into Mike’s office.  “Mike, what about….”

 

“The baby is fine as far as we can tell,” Mike finished the question for him as they both sat down.  “It seems that we got to her in enough time to remove the tranquilizers from her stomach before too much got into her system.  She was drinking quite heavily though.  There’s no telling what effect that may have had.  We’ll know in the next few days when the tests start coming through.”

 

John leaned his head back in relief.  At least the baby was still alive.

 

“John, I have to tell you that I am seriously worried about Kristen’s state of mind.”  Mike tapped his pen against the desk as he spoke, trying to arrange his thoughts in some semblance of order.  “If we release her once she’s better and she’s still depressed like this, I have no doubt that she will try to do this again.”  His tone was grave.  “And next time, she will probably succeed.”

 

“Well, what can we do Mike?  How can we stop her doing this again?”  He looked at Mike, only to find him shaking his head.  “Mike, there has to be something we can do, some kind of protective custody that will stop her hurting herself.”  He sounded desperate and Mike felt sorry for him.

 

“John, I have to be honest with you.  There’s not much we can do.”  He crossed his arms on the desk in front of him and looked down at the white desk pad below him.  Collecting his thoughts, he looked up at a crushed John.  “There is the possibility that we can commit Kristen to a hospital psychiatric ward for her protection, but it would only be a very temporary measure and I believe that it would do more harm than good.  In this state I think she will do anything to stop being miserable, wherever she is.  We could only keep her there for a maximum of a few weeks and as soon as she is released, we are back to square one.  Other than that, there are no legal recourses.  There is nothing we can legally do to stop Kristen trying to commit suicide again.”  

 

He sighed wearily and rubbed his eyes.  He felt jaded and sounded almost resigned to the unfairness of the situation.  “This is something we encounter from time to time, and it is one of the most frustrating aspects of this job.  I can assign medication to Kristen, but I can’t make her take it.  And the medication is problematic in itself.  Most anti-depressants are teratogenic, meaning that they pass across the placenta and into the baby’s blood stream.  Given the problems with the pregnancy and the possible damage sustained by the ingestion of the tranquilizers and the alcohol, I would have major reservations about prescribing any of these medications.”

 

“So, you’re saying there is nothing we can do?”  John ran his fingers through his hair in despair.  “Not even with her suicide attempts threatening the life of that baby?”

 

“Nothing we can do *legally* John.”  Mike felt terrible doing this to John, but he felt there were no other options.  “There is a suggestion that I want you to consider very carefully.”

 

“What Mike?  If there’s something I can do, I’ll do it.”  John’s resolution was unequivocal.

 

“Just listen before you commit yourself,” Mike suggested.

 

“All right, what is it?”

 

“John, the root of Kristen’s depression seems to lie with your break-up.  She’s distraught over losing you and the thought of bringing up this baby by herself.”  They exchanged looks.  That was certainly one piece of information that could *not* come out now.  “I believe that the only thing that will really change Kristen’s frame of mind right now is to give her some hope.  She has to know that she is not alone and that she is loved.  And I think that the only person that can do that for her is you, John.”

 

John felt his heart sinking.  He knew what Mike was getting at.  In order to save Kristen and his baby, he would have to pretend to care about her again, to give her false hope.  He wasn’t at all sure he could do that.

 

“And how would you suggest that I give her hope Mike?” he asked stiffly.

 

“I think she needs to be somewhere that you can watch her pretty much constantly.  It has to be somewhere that can be made safe.  And you have to be there to reassure her that you care about her and what happens to her.”  Mike caught John’s downfallen look and felt sympathy for the man’s plight.  Even after all the mistakes that he had made, he didn’t deserve this.

 

John thought quickly.  Kristen’s house wasn’t an option.  It was too big, and he didn’t think, given what had happened there in the past that she would feel safe there.  That left the loft.  His only option, if he was to do this, was to move her into the loft and look after her there.  The thought was enough to make him shudder.

 

“How many people know about this Mike?  About the suicide attempt I mean.”

 

“Only a minimal number,” Mike replied.  “Peter wanted it kept very quiet.  The paramedics that brought her in know, as do the two nurses who are assigned to her.  I had to bring in the psych registrar Dr. Welter to consult and now you know too.  It’s Peter’s request that no-one else know about Kristen’s admittance and certainly not the circumstances.”

 

“Not even Doc?”  John’s face registered his vexation as he chewed over the ramifications of all that he had learnt so far.

 

“Not even Marlena.”  Mike shook his head.  “I’m sorry John, but I can’t go against Peter’s wishes.  He is her next of kin.”

 

John nodded; his reply cut short by the beep of Mike’s pager.  Mike unclipped the object from his waist and peered at the LCD readout.

 

“I’m needed in the ER,” he explained as he stood up.  “I need you to think about this very carefully John.  Once you make a decision, there will be no turning back.”  John nodded stoically.

 

“When do you need my decision?” 

 

“Just as soon as you can possibly make it,” Mike replied, his hand on the doorknob.  John stood and followed him to the door. 

 

“Thanks Mike, I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”  He exited the office followed by Mike and watched him hasten off in the direction of the emergency room.

 

John made his way to the entrance of the hospital and found a bench outside.  He hoped the clear air would help him to think about this rationally.  All he could think about was what Marlena’s reaction would be if and when she found that he had moved Kristen back into the apartment.  And for Kristen’s and the baby’s safety he wouldn’t be able to tell Marlena the truth about it.  She would think that he had given up and returned to Kristen.  He couldn’t imagine causing Marlena that kind of pain again, even after finding her with Eugene, for now he knew truly how much that seeing him with Kristen had cost Marlena.

 

Nevertheless, his alternative could possibly cost more.  The life of the child that Kristen carried.  And that wasn’t something he was willing to risk.  He didn’t want to give Kristen false hope, but if it would keep her safe until the baby was born, what other option did he have?  He didn’t like it, but it was what was best for everyone at this point.  He could only hope that it was what was right for everyone too.

 

He looked up at the green spring leaves on the trees before his eyes swept around the packed parking lot.  Could he, do it?  Could he lie to Marlena about his feelings for her and for Kristen?   

 

It seemed, if he was going to make this work, he had no other choice.

 

Chapter 66 – Advent

Marlena wiped her mouth with the linen napkin and pushed herself away from the table.  Q watched her walk to the door, marveling at how admirably her body filled the pair of Levi’s she was wearing.  Marlena felt his eyes on her, and she turned as she reached the door.

 

“Behave yourself,” she winked at him before opening the door.  

 

Her face broke into a beaming smile as she saw who stood there.  It was almost instantaneous, and the children were in her arms.  Caroline couldn’t help the twitch of a smile that crossed her face as she saw how happy the children were to see their mother.  And that Marlena was just as happy to see them.

 

“Oh, my beautiful babies,” Marlena moved back to take a look at her children’s grinning faces.  “Oh, Mommy missed you *so* much.”  She pulled them into another hug.

 

“We missed you too, Mom,” Brady told her.

 

“You did?” Marlena mussed his chestnut brown hair before looking up at Caroline.  “Well, it’s just as well Granma brought you home huh?”

 

“John dropped them off a little while ago,” Caroline placed the children’s bags by the door.  “I thought you’d want to see them as soon as possible.”

 

“Oh, I did, I did.” Marlena stood with Belle in her arms. “Thanks Caroline.”

 

“No thanks necessary,” Caroline stood awkwardly in the doorway as Eugene walked up behind Marlena.  She was surprised to see that Brady ran to him, and he swung the little boy around in the air.  

 

“Hey, did you have a good time?” he asked Brady.  Brady nodded his head boisterously.

 

“Daddy took us to Disneyworld,” he told Gene.

 

“He did?”  Q seemed terribly interested in what Brady was telling him as he carried him to the sofa.  Marlena watched them with a smile before she turned back to Caroline.

 

“Please, come in Caroline,” she invited the older woman as she put a squirming Belle back down on the floor.

 

“Oh well…I-” Caroline was interrupted by a squeal from Belle as she jumped on Eugene.  Marlena giggled as he feigned near-death from the impact.  With a happy smile, she turned back to Caroline.

 

“Please,” she gestured for Caroline to come in.  “We were just having a late breakfast.  There’s plenty of fruit and coffee.”  She saw Caroline’s equivocation and instinctively took her by the hand.  “Just for a few minutes.  Please?”  Caroline looked at the smiling Marlena and suddenly she didn’t have the heart to refuse.

 

“Alright then,” she smiled and shrugged off her coat.  “Just for a few minutes.”

Eugene poured Caroline a coffee and she sat on the sofa as he and Marlena finished their breakfast.  The children ate as well, playing mix and match with Marlena and Q’s laps as they did.  Caroline joined in the laughter from time to time, particularly when Belle was relating Brady and John’s reaction to the rides at Disneyworld.  She could see how happy the children were to be back with their mother and a look of regret passed across her face as she considered that the children couldn’t have the one thing they really wanted.

 

“Daddy taked us to the movies,’ Belle was saying happily in between bites of juicy watermelon.

 

“Daddy *took* you,” Marlena corrected as she leaned over to where Belle was sitting on Eugene’s lap and wiped the sticky mess from her chin.  “He did?  What did you see?”

 

“One Hunded and One Dalmashuns,” the little girl enunciated slowly.

 

“Oh, one of my favourites,” Marlena smiled before popping a grape into her mouth.  “So did you like it?”

 

“’Cept for the bad lady,” Belle informed them nonchalantly.  “She was like Kwisten.”

 

Brady looked up at Marlena as he felt her start to cough.  Belle was blissfully unaware that she had almost caused her mother to choke.  Q started to move, but trying to hide a grin, she waved him away as she nodded her head.

 

“I’m fine,” she croaked as she wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes.  

 

Earlier she had been profoundly relieved to find that Kristen had not accompanied them on this trip.  She tried to tell herself that it was Kristen’s influence on the children she was concerned about, and she was almost successful.  That was, until the memory of what she had seen in the loft surfaced, and then the old familiar pain started to echo inside her.

 

Disregarding her reaction to Kristen’s name, Marlena carried on the conversation as though nothing had happened.  The children certainly had no shortage of stories to regale her with and several times she looked up to find Eugene watching her.  He winked at her, and she smiled before turning back to Brady who was now down on the floor playing with a fire engine that John had brought him.

 

Caroline watched the breakfast interaction closely.  Although she sensed Marlena’s discomfort at the mention of John, she could also see the closeness between her and Eugene. 

 

It wasn’t that they were flaunting anything.  In fact, it was quite the opposite.  They were being very discreet in front of the children, but Caroline wasn’t blind.  She saw the looks that passed between them, and the occasional touch that was enough to signal their intimacy.  She saw the sparkle in Marlena’s eyes that hadn’t been there in so long and she felt oddly like she was betraying John.  For she couldn’t help but be glad that Marlena was finding some happiness, and she had no doubt that she was when she saw her laugh as she had this morning.

******

John watched the two nurses emerge into the sunlight for the break, and suddenly felt the need to be anywhere but this place.  He needed to clear his mind and sitting in front of the hospital wasn’t really conducive to that.  Not when Kristen was lying inside.  And certainly not when he had a decision like this to make.  

 

Pulling his keys out of his pocket, John strode to his jeep and within minutes, he found himself outside St. Luke’s.  He killed the motor and sat, looking at the church, wondering why he found himself hesitant to enter God’s house.  It took him a moment before he realized that it was because, after everything he had been through, he felt himself to be a hypocrite.  He had spent so many years denying the love he felt for Marlena, a love that it seemed God Himself had blessed.  And now, when he had thrown it away in one careless gesture, screwing up so many people’s lives, he was going to ask God’s help to make a decision about Kristen.

 

He studied the church for a moment longer and then, with a heavy heart, he opened the door and slipped out of the jeep.

******

“So, you had a good time then,” Marlena said, almost to herself.  She didn’t expect Brady’s reply.

 

“Yeah, ‘cept we missed you Momma,” he said with an angelic smile.  Marlena’s eyes softened as she pulled Brady onto her lap and hugged him.

 

“Oh, I missed you too, baby.  I missed you both so much.”

 

“Daddy told me I don’t have to live with Kristen,” he told her brightly.

 

“He did?” Marlena looked at Brady and then Caroline with a measure of surprise.  Quite frankly, she had expected that would be the last thing that John would tell Brady.  But then maybe Kristen wanted John all to herself, to stat their new *family*.   

 

Suddenly, and unexpectedly she felt overwhelmingly nauseated and all she could think about was getting out of the stifling atmosphere of the living room.

 

“’Scuse me,” she muttered, though it was barely intelligible.  Gene watched with concern as she stood, Brady scrambling off her lap.  Her face was ashen as she made a run for the bathroom and Gene turned to Caroline.

 

“Can you watch the kids for a moment?” he asked quietly.

 

“Sure.”  Caroline nodded her head quickly, just as concerned as he was about Marlena’s sudden illness.  

 

He found Marlena leaning over the basin as she washed her face with a cool cloth.

 

“Honey?” he asked quietly, “are you alright?”  Marlena leaned on the counter for support as she closed her eyes and swallowed.  She had already lost most of her breakfast, but she didn’t feel much better.  “Marlena?” she could hear the worry in his voice as he neared her.  Turning around, she managed a wan smile as she nodded.

 

“I think maybe that Chinese last night was bad,” she said shakily.

 

“Do you want to go and lie down?” he asked as he reached for her hand.

 

“Mmmm,” she nodded her head, trying to ignore the returning surge of nausea.

 

“Do you think you can make it upstairs?” he took note of her bloodshot eyes and suppressed a pang of anxiety.

 

“Mmm-hmmm,” she nodded her head, “there’s no need to worry the children.”  Looking up at him, she smiled and smoothed her thumb across his frown.  “And you needn’t look so worried either.  I’ll be just fine.”

 

“If you say so,” he sounded unconvinced.  

 

“I say so,” she nodded as she slipped her arm around him.  “You’re sweet to worry, but it’s just a little bit of food poisoning.  I’ve faced worse.”

 

He nodded his implicit agreement and helped her into the living room where she explained to Belle and Brady that she wasn’t feeling too well and was going to lie down.  Insisting that she didn’t need help, she ascended the steps to her bedroom.  The four in the living room watched her until she passed through the doorway and then Caroline turned to Eugene.

 

“I’d better be getting back to the pub,” she smiled awkwardly.  “Shawn will be getting ready for the lunch rush.”

 

“Alright then,” Q nodded.  “Thanks for bringing the children up.  They cheered Marlena up a lot.”

Caroline simply returned his nod and walked to the door.  

 

He helped her on with her coat and opened the door for her.  She stepped out and then paused momentarily.  Biting her lip, she turned around and looked at him.

 

“Look after her, won’t you?” she requested with troubled eyes.  “She’s not as strong as she pretends to be.”

 

“I will,” he gave her a gentle smile, “I would do anything for her you know.”  Caroline looked at him for a moment, her expression one of consideration.

 

“I believe you would too,” she nodded her head acknowledging the truth of his words.  “Just as long as you realize that what she wants may not always be the right thing for her.”  With one last glance, she left Q to ponder her statement.

******

John lit one of the many small candles at the front of the church and then crossed himself before sitting in the front pew.  Putting his head in his hands, he asked for forgiveness.

 

“I know I’ve strayed,” he said softly.  “Please Lord, I need your forgiveness.  I have made terrible mistakes and I have hurt the people that loved me most.  I was gullible and I was weak, but I was not the only one to suffer.  And as much as I was deceived by Kristen, I know my actions hurt her too.  Please forgive me for hurting Marlena and the children…and Kristen.”  He paused for a moment, looking around the empty church.  The church where he had married Marlena, for better or for worse.  Well, they had certainly been through worse.

 

“Lord, I have a hard decision to make, and I need your guidance.”  His prayer was heartfelt.  He didn’t know if he could do this on his own.  “If I don’t help Kristen, she could die.  She and the baby that she carries.”  He paused, remembering the other baby that had been lost several months ago and he sent up a silent prayer for the tiny life.  “If I do help her, I feel that I will be living a lie.  I will not be able to tell Marlena why, and even if she is moving on with her life, I don’t want to do that to her.  I don’t want her to feel that she meant that little to me.”  He looked down at the stone floor reflectively.  “Maybe I’m being selfish, I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do.  Or at least, I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”  He closed his eyes and leaned back against the hard honey-colored wood of the pew with a deep, sorrowful sigh.  “Please Lord, help me decide what to do.  Send me a sign to guide me, because I don’t think I can make this decision on my own.”

*******

To any passerby, Austin Reed would have appeared exceptionally bored as he followed his wife through Salem Place.  That assumption would be only half the truth as Carrie had dragged him down to the mall to shop for baby accoutrements.  The fact was, that he had gone under sufferance, still having problems reconciling himself to the fact that they would be joined by a baby in a little less than six months.  

 

Actually, the real truth was not that he didn’t want a baby.   It was just that now was such a bad time financially.  

 

They had been planning to buy a new house, but what he hadn’t yet told Carrie was that he had dipped into their savings, leaving hem a very small buffer zone.  When Grant Whittaker had appeared in Salem so unexpectedly several months ago, he had been followed by an old Boston gambling partner of Austin’s.

 

David Jennings had been serving out a lengthy sentence for aggravated assault when Austin had skipped town owing him money.  It had taken him this long to track down his debtor, and when he had, he had wasted no time in threatening Carrie’s life.  Austin had been forced to pay him out the money he owed, but it had taken most of their savings to do it.  Now he was just waiting for the inevitable moment that Carrie discovered what he had done.  

 

In the meantime, he spent most of his waking hours agonizing over what he had done, how he had betrayed Carrie’s trust and lied to her.  And the baby just compounded matters.  He wanted to love it, but instead all it represented to him was more hardship.  So, he was angry with himself and he took it out on Carrie, which made him all the more angry.  It was a vicious cycle, and every move he made, compounded it.

 

Carrie, oblivious to the torment that Austin was suffering, pulled him over to the cribs.

“Isn’t this one adorable?” she pointed to the white crib and then turned to Austin with an enthusiastic smile.

“Sure,” the sight of her glowing face only made him feel worse.  He really wanted to share this with her, but he just couldn’t.

 

“Austin,” she flicked her blonde hair off her face.  “I was hoping for a little more input than just ‘sure’.”

 

“What do you want me to say Carrie?” he blurted out angrily.  “You know how I feel about this.  We can’t afford a crib this expensive.  I’m sure someone in your family has one they can lend us.  We don’t need to be buying all this stuff.”  

 

Carrie stared at him for a moment and shook her head.

 

“I don’t get you,” she said softly, “why can’t you be happy?  Why can’t you just show this baby a little love?   I want this baby to have the best start in life, and if that means dipping into our savings a little then so be it.”

 

“Whatever you want Carrie,” Austin snapped back, the mention of the savings snapping what little control he still had, “because it’s obvious you’ll go ahead and do it anyway.”

 

With that, he walked out of the store.  Carrie stood and watched him go, her eyes tearing up.  This wasn’t getting any better.  In fact, it only seemed to be getting worse.

******

By mid-afternoon, Marlena was feeling quite a bit better, and Gene was surprised to find her suggesting that they go out.  While he tried to argue that she needed to rest, she was more insistent than he, and Belle and Brady were quick to join her side of the argument.  By the time he gave in, the children had decided that they wanted to go to Johnny Angel’s for an early dinner.

 

It was twenty minutes later that they found themselves at Salem Place, watching Belle and Brady as they deliberated over which toy they wanted in the window of the toy shop.  Marlena turned to Q with a twinkling in her eyes as she discreetly took his hand in hers.

 

“Thank-you,” she mouthed.

 

“For what?” he seemed genuinely confused.

 

“For giving in to me yet again,” she grinned.

 

“You know I can’t resist that smile,” he winked at her as he squeezed her fingers.

“Well, that’s not the only thing,” she turned to look at the children who were still happily engrossed in arguing over who was better, Elmo or Flubber.  “Thank you for not being obvious about us in front of the kids.  I think with all that they’ve been through recently, it’s better not to confuse them any more than we have to.”

 

“I had a feeling that might be the way you preferred to handle it,” he nodded as he watched them.  

 

“The last thing I want to do is upset them or make them feel as though I’m trying to take their father’s place.”

 

“It’s the way I want to handle it for right *now*,” Marlena turned to him, “when it’s the right time we can and will tell them.  I just don’t think it’s fair to hit them with it right now.”

 

“Especially not when they want you and John to get back together?”  The words were out before he could bite them back and his eyes widened in horror.  “I’m sorry Marlena, I didn’t mean…”

 

“That’s okay,” her eyes burned as she turned back to watch the children.  She had heard the well-disguised insecurity in Gene’s voice, but more than that, the truth of his statement had hit her and the pain she had felt had been quite unexpected.  

 

For as much as she knew that the love that she and John had shared was over, that knowledge didn’t stop the pain that accompanied her loss.  She tried as hard as she could to put it, and John, out of her mind, and for the most part, she succeeded.  What was the point in torturing herself by reliving the inevitable over and over again?  But every so often, it caught her by surprise and the intensity of those emotions left her winded. 

 

Covering her disquiet, she turned back to him with a smile.  “They’ll come to realize in time that not all their wishes can come true.”  Her voice dropped, as she added, “we all have to learn that lesson sooner or later.”  Any further opportunity for conversation was interrupted by the children who had decided that toys were no longer as interesting as hot-dogs, and they made their way to Johnny Angels.  

Carrie was walking through the mall when she saw the four of them at the table.  She momentarily considered slipping away before they saw her, but Marlena caught her eye before she could make any move.

 

“Carrie,” she called out waving her free hand.  

 

Carrie froze for a moment.  She wasn’t sure she was up to the inevitable questions, but there seemed to be no way of avoiding them at the moment.  She could make her excuses quickly, but she wasn’t sure Marlena would stand for that.  Hearing her name again she sighed.  Steeling herself, she pasted on a smile and made her way across to their table.

 

“Hi there you guys,” she gave Belle and Brady a kiss each, “how are you doing?”  She waited for the requisite childish answers before moving onto greet Marlena and Eugene.  It didn’t take any more time than that for Marlena to work out that something was wrong.

 

“Carrie, honey, is everything alright?” she had noted Carrie’s pallor and the fact that she looked suspiciously as though she had been crying.

 

“I’m fine Marlena,” she crossed her arms in front of her, holding her purse to her chest as though it would ward off the difficult questions.

 

“Are you sure?” Carrie had never been a very good liar and Marlena knew it.

 

“I’m sure,” she looked at Marlena’s worried expression and her smile faltered.  “Austin and I just had a fight, that’s all.  It’s not a big deal.”  Marlena regarded her for a moment, gauging her words.

“If you’re sure,” she said slowly.  It was obvious that whatever was wrong, it was something that Carrie didn’t want to talk about right now and she didn’t want to pressure her any more than she already had.  “You know where I am if you want to talk about anything, okay?”

 

“Sure,” Carrie nodded, relieved that Marlena hadn’t wanted to push the issue any further.  She wasn’t prepared to open up about this in front of everyone right now.  Still, there was something that she wanted to talk to Marlena about.

 

“Marlena, there is something that I have been concerned about that I though you should know.”  She slipped onto the stool next to her stepmother.

 

“What was that honey?” Marlena took a sip from her iced tea as she waited expectantly.  Carrie looked at Belle and Brady and was relieved to find that they were happily engrossed in their messy hotdogs. 

 

“I’m worried about Sami, Marlena.  She says that she’s been getting strange phone-calls and she told Austin that she thinks that somebody may have broken into her apartment.”  She paused, choosing her words carefully.  “There hasn’t been any proof of her claims and Austin doesn’t believe her.  I’m not so sure myself.”  She sighed wearily.  “I’ve tried to talk to Austin, and I’ve tried to call Sami but she doesn’t want to talk to me.  She claims that she’s just fine and that she doesn’t need any help.  It may be nothing to worry about but…”

 

“Marlena felt a cold ball of fear unfurl in the pit of her stomach as she looked first at Carrie and then at Gene. 

 

“She hasn’t called me,” she said in a small voice.

 

“You know how she is Marlena,” Carrie’s voice was tinged with frustration.  “She’s proud and she thinks she can cope with problems on her own.  She probably thinks that because Austin didn’t believe her, neither will the rest of us.”

 

“Do you think she might be in danger?” Q interrupted.  Carrie turned to him, her face lined with exhaustion.

 

“Probably not,” she shook her head.  “Sami is prone to exaggeration.  It’s probably nothing to worry about.”   She turned back to Marlena.

 

“I just thought you should know and maybe you can call her or something.”

 

“I will,” Marlena nodded, with a smile she did not feel.  “Thanks honey.”

 

Carrie managed a small smile as she stood up again.

 

“I’d better get going.”

 

“Oh, can’t you stay for lunch?” Marlena entreated.

 

“Thanks, but I’ve got lots to catch up on,” Carrie leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.  “It was great to see you.”

 

“Alright honey.”  Marlena squeezed her hand.  “Call by and see me soon, won’t you?”

 

Carrie nodded and said her good-byes.  As she walked away from the table, someone else watched her go.  

******

John had come to Salem Place after visiting the St. Luke’s, even though he had not been sure why.  He had told himself that he was going to buy some flowers for Kristen, but as he watched Eugene take Marlena’s hand under the table, he wasn’t so sure.  

 

He felt a bolt of irrational jealousy slash through him as she smiled at Gene.  John saw him lift his fingers to her face and run his fingers across her cheek and he felt like he was losing her all over again.   It seemed as if the other man’s touch smoothed away her sadness and John felt that it was though it settled on him.  He just couldn’t bear seeing her with someone else.  Instead of getting easier, it just seemed to become harder.  He didn’t know how he was supposed to live in the same town, and keep seeing her with Eugene.  He couldn’t imagine living with this pain every time he saw her, and for the first time, he understood why it was that Roman had felt he had to leave town.

 

At the table, Marlena giggled as she leaned over to wipe Belle’s face clear of mustard and ketchup, before Gene hoisted the little girl onto his shoulders.  John swallowed as he watched Belle’s animated laughter.  The little girl wrapped her little hands around Gene’s forehead, and he stood up.  Marlena caught Brady up off his stool and settled him on her hip.  

 

John watched them, unable to tear his eyes away until they were out of sight.  Then he turned away himself.  He closed his eyes and shook his head, suddenly deadly tired.  He had been searching for a way to make a decision about Kristen, looking for a sign to guide him. He hadn’t known where or what form that sign would take.

 

But a sinking feeling told him that he’d just been sent the sign he had asked for.

Chapter 68 – Face to Face

 

Put time in a capsule

Two minds consensual

Entwined to perfection, If we could….

 

Cuddle up close, lay on my chest

Listen, my heart beat’s coming down

If you get tired, you close your eyes now.

When you wake, I won’t be found now

 

Universe

Savage Garden

It was several days later, while Marlena was at work that her agitation returned.  She couldn’t really pinpoint the moment that it happened.  It just seemed that one moment she was immersed in her paperwork, and the next her concentration was shattered.  

 

She had no idea why or how; all she knew was that every time she looked at the notes in front of her, they seemed to swim out of focus.  And when she *could* tackle the task before her, she found herself reading the same sentence over and over again.  

 

Sighing, she slipped off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose.  This was ridiculous.  She couldn’t let a mere suggestion of a feeling interfere with her work.  She had a stack of papers to get through and several patients to see before she could end the day.  She was a grown woman after all, surely, she could control her emotions a little better than this.

 

Getting up from her desk, she stretched and went to pour herself a glass of water. Taking a sip, she went to the window.  Outside the wind was gusting, sending a sheet of newspaper skittering across the road in front of a car.  In the parking lot, a nurse struggled with the coat that whipped around her ankles.

 

Marlena rubbed her hand up and down her arm, warding off a sympathetic chill and she turned from the window.  Surely, she was just being oversensitive, and probably a little paranoid.  After all, her past gave her some cause to be over-cautious.  But still, everything was fine, and she had no reason to think anything otherwise.

******

John stood by while the nurse helped Kristen out of the bed.   Mike looked at the man and he was struck by how much John looked as though he were approaching a death sentence.  He just hoped that Kristen didn’t see the same thing he did.  He suspected she wouldn’t however.  

 

John’s offer the other day seemed to have made the world of difference to Kristen’s demeanor and she seemed perfectly content to believe whatever line John was feeding her.  Mike frowned as he watched Kristen smile up at John.  He knew this was the only way, but he really dreaded the day that Kristen found out what was really going on.  That day might be the day they all found they had a new enemy.  A woman scorned could be deadly.  

 

Especially if she was a DiMera.

 

John took Kristen’s hand.

 

“Are you ready to go baby?” he asked in a soft voice.

 

“I sure am,” she grinned excitedly.  This was more than she ever could have hoped for and she wasn’t going to blow it this time.

 

“Well, it seems as if the nurses here have all your things packed.  Peter is going to have the flowers brought over to the loft, so all you have to do is have Mike check you over and then you can get changed.”

 

Mike stepped forward.

 

“The ultrasounds and the bloodwork all check out fine.  I just have a couple more tests to be completed and I want to give you one last physical, okay?  It shouldn’t take long.”  He turned to John, not wanting to put him through more than was necessary.  “John, can I ask you to wait in the lounge?  I’ll have a nurse call you when Kristen is ready to go.”

 

John nodded, relieved to be given the opportunity to slip away, and he leaned over to give Kristen a superficial kiss on the cheek.  

 

“I’ll be just down the hall if you need me, okay?”

 

“Sure,” Kristen nodded her head, but clutched at his hand, her bony fingers a painful reminder of the hold she had over him, “just don’t go far, okay?”

 

He faked a smile and nodded before he left the room, escaping the numbing reality of his decision, if only momentarily.

******

Marlena reviewed the file in front of her.  Elenora Bryant seemed to be doing much better, but Marlena was still worried about her patient.  She had been released from hospital several days earlier and was under Marlena’s care, but she didn’t seem to be responding to the medication that had been prescribed.

 

Marlena sighed and looked down at the notes in front of her.  She wondered if it might be appropriate to change the medication this early in treatment.  She was loathe to do so, but she didn’t want to risk Elenora regressing to the state that had landed her in the hospital.  She looked at the file again.  She could do with a second opinion.

 

She pushed herself away from the desk and picked up the file.  Checking that her pager was on, she set off to find Laura Horton.

******

Mike hooked his stethoscope back around his neck and looked at Kristen’s chart.

 

“Well, you seem to be much better Kristen,” he looked up at her expectant face.  “The baby seems to be doing fine, your blood pressure is a little elevated, but nothing to worry about for now.”

 

“I promise to get plenty of rest, Doctor,” she grinned.

 

“Well, that and don’t forget your counseling has been scheduled for twice a week,” he handed her a clipboard which held her release forms.  “It is a condition of your release.”

 

“I know,” she signed the form with a flourish, “though I really don’t know why, because I’m just fine now.  Now that I’m back with John, things couldn’t be better.”  She flashed him another smile that reminded him of a predatory alligator, and he felt a pang of sympathy for John.  “But if it makes you doctors happy, I’ll do it.”

 

“Good,” he took the papers from her, almost glad to be relieved of the responsibility for her.  The less he had to do with the DiMeras, the happier he was. “Well…. I’ll leave you to get changed.  Margaret has put your clothes on the chair over there.”

 

“Thanks Mike,” she said as she followed him to the door, “thanks… for everything.”  Mike merely nodded before he left the room.

 

Outside, he shook his head.  He didn’t know how he was going to manage to carry on this charade.  He knew that John had his reasons for not telling Marlena the truth, and for the most part, he could understand them, but it didn’t make the lies any easier.  

 

Back in the small room, Kristen turned back to the chair with a thoughtful air.  She had an idea that Mike had had more to do with John’s return to her side than any of them were letting on.  And part of her wondered why he, Marlena’s friend, would do that.  Still, she didn’t really care why John had come back; all that was important was that he was hers again.  And this time, she wasn’t letting him go.

******

It was John that saw Marlena first when she walked into the staff lounge.  She was busy making notes on her file and it was the longest moment before she looked up.  And yet, instead of using that moment to collect himself, John found that he could not stop staring at her. 

 

 She was dressed in a royal blue suit, her hair falling about her shoulders in a golden cascade.  Her gold-rimmed glasses sat low on the bridge of her nose, and he watched her push them up with her index finger, the familiar motion rending what felt like a wound in his heart.  He couldn’t even count the number of times when she was staying with them, that he would just sit and watch her work.  

 

And always, sooner or later, her glasses would slip, and she would push them up with the tip of her finger.  It was odd how such a small gesture could draw out such pain and such tenderness.

 

For her part, it was when she put down the file to pour herself a coffee that she found herself looking into John’s bottomless indigo eyes.  Unprepared for the unutterable panic she felt, her first instinct was to flee.  Yet, gathering all the self-control she had, she continued to pour the coffee.

 

“John,” she prayed that her voice would not betray her the way her body did. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”  Her voice was mercifully steady, but hand was shaking as she poured.   When she finally felt that she had the composure to turn back to him, he seemed not to have noticed.

 

“Oh, I just came by to pick up something,” he said dismissively.  The truth was that he had noticed her unease, but he was having a hard enough time being in the same room with her himself.  The fact that his heart seemed to be beating ten times faster and louder than normal wasn’t helping.  His face burned as he leaned back against the wall.

 

“Oh,” she nodded her head uncomfortably, the sight of his weary, bearded face disconcerting her.  “I was looking for Laura.”

 

“I haven’t seen her,” John offered, unable to take his eyes off her.  “Sorry.”

 

“That’s okay,” her voice came out half-strangled and she silently damned the treachery of her own body. “I, ah, I’d better go find her,” she turned, snatching up the file and pacing herself to the door.

 

“Marlena,” his voice stopped her as she reached for the doorknob.  She closed her eyes, swallowing, blazes of anguish lancing through her.  She desperately wanted to be anywhere but here right now.  She had never imagined that she would feel this much pain on seeing him, and she just wanted to get away.  

 

Grasping the doorknob with a whitened fist, she slowly turned around.

 

“You look beautiful,” he said quietly, unable to help himself.  She always did of course, but there was something about her today….

 

“John, I…” she wanted to tell him that wasn’t exactly the most appropriate thing to say, but when she met his intense gaze, she found she couldn’t.  She just felt helplessly impaled by his stare.  Finally, she found her voice again.  “I have to go.”  

 

She jerked the door open in her haste to get out of the room, and almost ran square into Mike Horton.  

 

“Sorry Mike,” she muttered in a low voice before side stepping him.  He watched her go and then turned to John.

 

“What was that about?” his tone held an accusatory quality.  John shrugged his shoulders wearily.

 

“Apparently I can’t even give her a compliment these days without upsetting her,” he muttered bitterly.

 

“She looked a little more than simply *upset* John,” Mike countered, his eyebrows raised.

 

“How am I supposed to know what goes on in her mind?” John became defensive.  “She barely talks to me anymore.”

 

“Well maybe if you tried telling her the truth…” Mike suggested with a defeated sigh. 

 

“You know I can’t do that,” John sank into a chair and dropped his forehead into his hands.  “I can’t risk Kristen finding out the truth, I just can’t.”

 

“The truth about what John?” the voice came from the doorway.

******

Marlena locked the door of her office behind her and leaned against it, battling to regain control. She hated that she was so weak where he was concerned but there seemed to be no way to combat it.  She had to just get through it and then fight back.  She gulped down several breaths, trying to regain the wind that had been knocked out of her, both from seeing and John, and that she had lost in the flight to her office.

 

And then the edges of her vision began to blur and as the office in front of her began to swim, she felt the blackness beckoning.  Part of her wanted to accept the blackness, to welcome anything that blotted out the turmoil she felt, yet her instinct wouldn’t let her do it. 

 

Instead, she made several faltering steps to the couch before sinking into its welcoming embrace.  Leaning over so that she was double, she took deep, calming breaths, fighting off the bleakness that waited to capture her.  She couldn’t let herself give in to the pain.  She had gotten this far; she had fought this hard.  She wouldn’t fall now.

 

Straightening up, she stood and went to the mirror.  She was pale but when she brushed her hair back into place, she looked presentable.

 

“Stupid,” she said to her reflection fiercely, “you’re being foolish.”  She couldn’t let John get to her like that.  It was over after all; she had no right to feel upset or hurt.  Just as he had no right to tell her she looked beautiful.  What the hell does he want from me? 

 

She shook her head and straightened the lapels of her suit.  Whatever games John was playing she just had to forget them.  She had to pull herself together, she had patients to see, and she wanted to be of some use to them.

******

“The truth about what?” Peter repeated.  John looked up in horror at Kristen’s brother.  If he found out the truth about the baby, he would surely go to Kristen herself.

 

“I….” He cast around for something that might sound halfway plausible.  “Ah, it’s a surprise I have for her at the loft.  I didn’t want her to find out about it before she gets there.”

 

“A surprise?” Peter sounded extremely skeptical.

 

“Mmm-hmmm,” John stood, putting him on a more equal footing with the large DiMera. “A kind of a welcome home surprise.”

“One that you can’t *risk* her finding out about, is that it?”  Peter narrowed his eyes.  Black had always been a useless liar.  That had not changed.  He just couldn’t understand why Kristen couldn’t see that. 

 

“Pretty much, uh-huh,” John nodded his head.  “In fact, if you’ll excuse me, I had better go and collect Kristen now so we can be on our way.”

 

He pushed past Peter, not giving him a chance to grill him any further.  Peter turned to look at his ex-brother-in-law and raised his eyebrow.

 

“If he’s lying….” he hissed, “I’ll make sure you all pay.”

 

On his way to Kristen’s room, John pulled out his cell phone and instructed Nicole to have balloons, a cake and whatever else she thought appropriate, waiting at the loft when he and Kristen arrived.  Nicole thought it was pretty odd, especially considering he had only had Kristen’s stuff moved *out* of his loft a week or so ago.  But then, she was paid to do a job and not ask questions, so she patiently listened and then carried out his orders, however strange she thought they were.

 

Getting to Kristen’s room, John slipped the phone into his pocket and entered the room.

 

“Ready to go Kristen?” he asked patiently.

 

“As I’ll ever be,” she smiled, hooking an arm through his.  “Let’s go home honey.”

******

Marlena was finishing up her files for the day when she realized that she hadn’t managed to find Laura. Elenora’s file sat untouched on her desk, and she tapped her pen on it as she chewed on her lip.  Picking up the telephone receiver, she dialed Laura’s extension.  After several rings, it transferred over to the nurses’ station, and Marlena politely explained that she would find Dr. Horton later.

 

She thought about it a little more, and deciding it could wait until tomorrow, she jotted a memo to Laura.  Stacking up the files on one side and the memos on the other, she took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes.  It had been a long, long day.

 

It didn’t take her long to get ready to go home and she dropped the files with Hillary on her way out.  As was her usual habit, she stopped by the nurses’ station to pick up any messages, to drop off her outgoing memos and let the nurses know her schedule for the following day.  Setting her briefcase down on the floor, she leafed through the messages, several from patients and one from Carrie.  She would call her stepdaughter when she got home. 

 

The scent of freesias caught her attention as a young deliveryman stopped beside her, the large arrangement of flowers drawing the attention of Jocelyn Adams, the nurse on duty.

 

“Delivery for a….” he looked at the tag, “a Kristen Blake?”

 

“Oh, I think you missed her by about an hour or so,’ the nurse consulted her notes, “but there’s a forward address here, 25 River Street.  I guess that’s where you’ll find her.”

 

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” the young man nodded before slipping off toward the elevators.

 

Jocelyn turned to the woman on her right and was immediately concerned.

 

“Dr. Evans, are you all right?” she looked to Jocelyn like she was about to throw up.

 

“Huh?” Marlena looked up, the worried face in front of her somehow bolstering her strength.  “Sure, I’m fine.”  She managed a strained smile as she picked up her briefcase and pushed her handbag up over his shoulder.

 

“Are you sure?” the nurse persisted. “You look awfully pale.  Maybe you should sit down.”

 

“I’m perfectly fine thank you,” Marlena said frostily, her anger growing.  Seeing the look on the young woman’s face she added softly, “thanks for your concern, Jocelyn.”

 

Jocelyn nodded and watched Marlena walk to the elevator.

 

“Perfectly fine my arse,” she muttered to herself before she turned back to the desk and realized Marlena had left her messages behind.

 

By the time Marlena made it to her car, she was almost shaking with fury.  River St.  John’s loft.  He had moved Kristen into the loft, after everything he had said, all the anger that he had expressed at the other woman, all the love he had declared for her.

 

She shook her head; she really didn’t know why she was so surprised.  She should really have guessed it the moment she saw Kristen up there with him.  He certainly hadn’t waited long.  All his protestations of love and fidelity, it seemed, had meant nothing in the end. 

 

She clutched the steering wheel as she remembered the last card, he had sent her, the one she had memorized within seconds.  The one whose savage irony would be painfully etched into her memory for all time.

 

There will never be another woman for me, You are my partner and my soulmate…

                  *I will wait for you if it takes forever, and beyond*

                                    John

 

“Or until your bed gets cold,” she voiced bitterly.  And he still had the nerve to tell her she looked beautiful, even as he was getting ready to take Kristen home.  “You bastard!” she hit the steering wheel with the heel of her hand, tears glittering in her eyes.  How *dare* he?

 

Clenching her jaw, she made a conscious decision to forget about John.  He wasn’t worth worrying about, and she had people at home who were worth the love and concern.  Even as she made it into her own building, she didn’t think to wonder why it was that Kristen needed John to take her home from hospital.  On a subconscious level, she might have supposed that it was something to do with the baby but by then, she had all but put John out of her mind.

******

“Are you comfortable?” John tucked the blanket around Kristen’s legs where she was sitting on the couch.

 

“I’m wonderful,” she smiled, playing with the fur of one of the stuffed toys that had been waiting for them upon their arrival.  “Thank you, John, for everything you’ve done.”  

 

He smiled at her from the bench.

 

“I’d do anything for you baby,” he said, almost choking on the words.  “You know that.”

 

“I know that,” she nodded.  “Come and sit with me sweetheart.”

 

“I…” his eyes desperately searched the kitchen for an excuse to stay away from her.  “I have to clean up around here first.”

 

“Forget that,” she entreated.  “Please baby, it’s our first night back together.  I just want to be with you.”

 

Feeling like he had no choice, John nodded and trudged over to the sofa.  Kristen shifted slightly, allowing him a place to sit.  Then she leaned back against him.

 

“Oh, this is wonderful.”  She turned to smile up at him.  “I missed this so much.  Did you?”

 

“Mmm-hmmm,” he forced a smile, sending a silent plea to God to give him the strength to get through this ordeal.  For if there were such a thing as penance, he was surely paying it.

******

It was after the children had gone to bed and they were watching television that Eugene finally turned to Marlena.  

 

“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong?” she seemed genuinely confused.

 

“You’ve barely said two words all night,” he raised his eyebrows, “not even to the children.”

“Oh, “she looked a little surprised.  “I didn’t realize….”

 

“What is it, Marlena?” his hands caught hers.  “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“It’s nothing,” she shook her head and then smiled, loosening her hand and running her thumb over his cheek.  He didn’t hide his disbelief.  “I had a problem at work,” she admitted, “but it’s not something I can talk about.”  It wasn’t *strictly true, but it was as close as she could get without giving him cause to grill her further.  She couldn’t deal with that now, and she didn’t think he really needed to know anyway.  She’d hurt enough people already.

 

“And anyway,” an impish grin slid onto her lips, “there are things that I would rather do than talk about work.”  She dropped her hand to his knee and let it slide upwards a way.  Eugene had to clear his throat.

“Oh?” he knew she was playing him, but he couldn’t resist that smile.  That was what she was counting on of course, but if she was resorting to underhanded tactics, who was he to argue?

 

“Oh yes,” her smile grew as she edged toward him.

 

“And what sort of things did you have in mind doctor?” he sat back as she shifted so that she was sitting on his knees.  Ever so slowly, she slid her arms around his neck and leaned close.

 

“Why don’t you let me show you,” she whispered before catching him with hungry lips.

 

“I’m all for that,” he finally answered when she let him go, and before she could say another word, he picked her up and carried her up the steps.  

 

They spent the night making love, soft and slow and infinitely sweet, totally unaware of what lay in wait for them just around the corner……

Chapter 69 – Shockwave

Gene awakened early the next morning and lay there, simply watching Marlena sleep.  She was half on her stomach, and her hair was tousled from the night’s sleep.  She wore a white, lacy nightgown that she had slipped on after their lovemaking the night before, ‘just in case’ she said.  One gauzy strap had slipped off a lightly freckled shoulder during the night and he had to fight the urge to undress her completely.  Instead, he watched her, fascinated by the way her chest rose and fell with even the lightest of breaths.  Dark lashes fanned over her cheeks, trembling every so often as she slowly rose out of her dream state.

 

With a small smile, he leaned to brush his lips slowly across her exposed shoulder and watched as her eyelids slowly fluttered open. It took her a moment to gain her bearings

 

“Hi,” she breathed sleepily.

 

“Hi beautiful,” he winked at her with a grin, “sleep well?”

 

“Mmmmm,” she closed her eyes again and stretched languorously.  “Marvelously.”

 

“Good,” he continued to watch her as she turned over, exposing the creamy skin of her cleavage.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked as she ran her fingers through her hair, brushing it from her face.

 

“Mmmm-hmmmm,” he ran his hand down the satin of her gown, over the curve of her hip.

 

Marlena smiled, her honey-colored eyes never leaving his.  Reaching down, she caught his hand with hers and she drew it upward, planting a soft kiss in his palm and then seductively kissing the tip of each finger.  Gene closed his eyes, trying to ignore the effect that she was having on him.  He knew what her intention was, but there was too much risk involved.

 

“I think I’d better go and get us some coffee,” he suggested, pulling away from her slightly.

“Spoilsport,” her eyes were alive with amusement.

 

“*Someone* has to be sensible around here,” he desperately didn’t want to be that person, but it looked like he had no choice.

 

“They do?” her fingers slipped around his neck and he felt her curves melt against him.

 

“They do…. oh,” her lips were on him, devouring his neck.  It was a moment before he could collect himself enough to push her away.  “Marlena, the children could wake any minute.”

 

“Oh,” her shoulders fell as his words brought her back to reality.  “Of course, you’re right,” she looked up at him apologetically.  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

 

“Don’t be sorry,” he grinned, “I rather like it.”

 

“You do?” the grin returned to her face.

 

“I do.” He kissed her gently

 

“Just don’t be long, will you?” her fingers brushed at his unruly hair, the smile on her face enticing.  

“I won’t,” he kissed her again, “I promise.” 

 

Taking his leave, he departed the bedroom.  He passed the children’s bedrooms and was pleased to see that they were still fast asleep.  Quietly, he padded downstairs and made his way to the kitchen.  With practiced ease, he filled the percolator and switched it on.

 

“Well, isn’t this just *peachy*,” Q whirled at the sound of the derisive tone and find himself face to face with Q2.  Q2 simply grinned in his laconic way.  “Oh Q.  You’re a bad, bad, *naughty* Q.”

******

Carrie awoke with the nausea.  Another trip to the bathroom was enough to convince her that she was not yet over the morning sickness, and even as she got ready for work, she found that she could not stifle the threatening illness.

 

“Oh God,” she whispered plaintively as she ran again for the bathroom.  Austin watched her go, seemingly unmoved by her plight.  Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he dropped his head into his hands and wondered what the hell he was going to do.  

 

That was how Carrie found him when she emerged.

 

“Austin?” she asked carefully. 

 

“What?” his voice was curt.  Carrie snapped her head back at his tone, wondering what was wrong now.

 

“I just thought maybe something was wrong,” she said nervously.

 

“Yes something’s *wrong*,” Austin seemed even more angry than usual.  “*Everything* is wrong Carrie.  Everything is wrong.  Your sister can’t even seem to buy herself a life, we have no money and an unwanted baby on the way, and you want to know what the hell is *wrong*?”  He slammed his hand down on the dresser.  “Christ Carrie, what the hell do you want from me?”

 

Carrie stared at him for a moment in shock and then the dam burst.  

 

“What do I *want*?”  Incredulity was written all over her face.  “I *want* you to love me.  I *want* you to stand by me.  I *want* you to be the husband that I *married* dammit.”  Tears trickled down her face.  “Is that too much to ask?”

 

Austin was silent.

 

“Well, obviously it is,” she answered her own question bitterly as she snatched up her coat.  “I’ll guess I’ll see you at work.”  Her heels clicked quickly against the cold, hard floor as she rushed to the door, slamming it closed behind her.  Austin’s shoulders slumped and he shook his head.  What a mess.

******

Marlena rolled over and looked at the clock, frowning when she saw the time.  What was taking him so long?  Surely it didn’t take *that* long to make a couple of cups of coffee…

 

 She deliberated for several more minutes before she sat up with a smile, deciding that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to help him ‘make coffee’.  She slid her legs out of the bed and pulled on a robe over her nightgown.  Quietly, she exited the bedroom and quietly made her way down the staircase.  Trying to make as little noise as possible, she pushed open the kitchen door.

 

To her disappointment, he wasn’t there.  Her eyes flicked around the empty kitchen and then she turned to regard the living room.

 

“Gene?” she called softly.  There was no answer.

 

“*Gene?*” she could feel her heart begin to pound as the adrenaline kicked in. Something was wrong.  He should have been right *there*.   “Gene.  Please, this isn’t funny.”

 

There was no answer, and she searched the living room and kitchen again.  Becoming more frantic, she found the guest bathroom empty, and a quick scan of the upstairs revealed no Eugene.  She found herself back in the kitchen moments later, her hand over her mouth as she desperately looked for a note, some clue as to why he had gone.  Something.  *Anything*.

 

“*Gene*.” she cried; her voice already fraught with desolation.  “Gene, please,” a sob choked her words.  “Please don’t do this to me.”

 

But deep down, she knew it was already too late.

 

He was gone.

******

 

Carrie rode the lift, her hand protectively over her stomach.  She couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, anyone else to talk to.  The lift lurched to a halt, the door sliding clumsily open so that she could exit.  Pausing in front of the door, she looked down at her slightly swelling stomach.

“Okay baby,” she whispered.  “This is it.”  

 

Raising her hand, she knocked briskly.

******

The knocking finally penetrated the numbness that surrounded Marlena, and wiping her eyes, she pushed herself up from the couch.  Dully, she made her way to the door and punched in the combination for the alarm.  Twisting the doorknob slowly, she opened the door.

 

“Marlena?” Carrie was immediately concerned.  Despite her own problems, she could see that something was very wrong.  Marlena seemed completely at sea and her eyes were rimmed with red as though she had been crying.  “Marlena, what’s wrong?”

 

Marlena looked up at her, almost seeming surprised.

 

“Nothing’s wrong sweetie,” she forced a smile, “Nothing important.”

 

“Marlena,” Carrie wasn’t fooled easily, she had lived with Marlena for too many years to fall for her lies.  “Something is wrong and I want to know what it is.”

 

“Carrie honey,” Marlena laughed lightly, burying her own predicament to make room for Carrie’s.  “Really, you’re here early.  There must be something that you wanted to talk to me about.  Let’s deal with that instead of bothering with my boring problems.”

 

“Are you sure?”  Carrie didn’t want to burden her, but as was usual with Marlena, she was more interested in helping other people than helping herself.

 

“I’m sure, I’m sure” Marlena led Carrie to the couch and sat down beside her.  “Now tell me what the problem is, sweetie girl.”

 

Now that she was here, Carrie didn’t know where to start.  She had rehearsed the words on the way over, but now they all sounded hollow and infused with paranoia.  She twisted her wedding ring as she tried to find a way to begin.

 

“Honey,” Marlena offered gently, “just say it.  They’re just words, they can’t hurt you.”

 

Carrie pressed her lips together and looked up to sympathetic eyes.

 

“There’s something I haven’t told you Marlena,” she said quietly.  “I found out a few weeks ago, but Austin didn’t want to tell me to tell anyone.”  She took a deep breath.  “I’m going to have a baby.”

 

“A baby?” Marlena breathed.  “Carrie, that’s wonderful news.”

 

“You think so?” Carrie brightened but then her mood dove again.  “I think so too, but Austin seems to have different ideas.”

 

“Austin?” Marlena shook her head, “Austin’s not happy about the baby?”

 

“Oh Marlena,” Carrie wiped her hand across her forehead, “he’s anything *but*.”

 

“Has he given you any reason why he’s upset?” Marlena asked, pulling her robe closer around her.

 

“Well, the pregnancy wasn’t planned,” Carrie admitted, “and he keeps saying that we can’t afford a baby and we’re not ready for the responsibility of a child,” she sighed.  “I just don’t understand him, Marlena.  Six months ago, he was eager to have a child.  Now it seems it’s just another burden to him, that *I’m* a burden to him.”  Her eyes glimmered with misery.  “I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he either brushes me off, or he’s downright hurtful about it.”

 

“Do you have any idea why he might be reacting this way?” Marlena asked.  Carrie shook her head.

“I just can’t fathom it.  It makes absolutely no sense.”

 

“And you’ve tried to talk to him.  More than once?”

 

“I’ve tried to talk to him…. I can’t even *count* the number of times.  Mostly it just ends up the same,” she wiped away the falling tears, “He’s angry with me and I end up crying.”

 

 “Oh honey,” Marlena had experienced the unyielding anger of a husband before, and she knew how hard it was to deal with.  “I’m sorry this has been so tough.  I can see how miserable it’s making you.  I just wish you’d come to me a little sooner.”

 

“I really didn’t think that it would last this long,” Carrie pulled a tissue from the box on the table and dabbed at her eyes.  “I didn’t expect him to behave like this, I really just don’t understand…. I don’t understand *him* anymore.”

 

Marlena put her hands over Carrie’s trembling fingers.

 

“I’m so sorry sweetie, I wish this were easier for you.  This should be the happiest time of your life.” Carrie nodded a slight smile on her face.

 

“I *am* happy Marlena, I want this baby more than anything,” her demeanor became dejected again, “I just wish that Austin felt the same way.”

 

Marlena squeezed Carrie’s hand in support.  Thoughtfully she pursed her lips.

“Well honey, it seems that you know what *you* want.  Maybe it’s time that you give Austin the opportunity to figure out what is really important to him.”

 

“What do you mean?” Carrie seemed confused.

 

“I mean,” Marlena drew back and crossed her leg under her,  “I mean that I think maybe Austin needs some space and some time to re-evaluate his feelings.  Maybe he’s too close to the situation to be able to see what is *really* important.”

 

“And how do you propose that happens?”  Carrie leant her head on one side.

 

“Well, I think that maybe you should consider going away,” Marlena held her hand up, to stall any protests from Carrie.  “I mean just for a few days.  You need to know where you stand honey.  You need his full support, not his condemnation.  You can’t carry on living like that.”

 

“But what if he decides that he can’t deal with this, that it’s just too much?”  Carrie wasn’t sure if she could go through this pregnancy alone.

 

“Then you have your family,” Marlena reached out and brushed her fingers under Carrie’s chin.  “I don’t think I’ve ever known a stronger young woman than you.  We all love you so *much* sweetie girl, and we’ll all be here to help you through.  Whatever you need, we’ll be here for you.”

 

“Thank you, Marlena,” Carrie’s eyes brimmed.  Far from the reproach she had been subjected to for the last few weeks, the love and comfort she felt coming from Marlena fortified her strength and made her feel as if she could get through this, no matter what.  “I can always rely on you to come through for me, no matter what.”

 

“Oh well,” Marlena looked slightly embarrassed and a slight blush crept into her cheeks, “I just want you to be happy, honey.”

 

“I know you do,” Carrie covered Marlena’s upper hand with her own, “I could always count on you to have my best interests at heart.  You never had ulterior motives.”  She smiled warmly at the woman next to her.  “I really appreciate that.”

 

“Oh Carrie,” Marlena shook her head.  “I love you so much.  I just want you to have all the happiness you deserve.”

 

“I want that for you too.”  Carrie looked around the penthouse.  “If anyone deserves happiness, it’s you.”  Marlena said nothing for a moment but just shrugged dimly.

 

“Marlena, where’s Eugene?”  Carrie had gotten used to seeing him around the penthouse in the last few months and suddenly his absence seemed strange.  She knew it was early but for some reason, it struck her as odd.  However, she didn’t expect her question to evoke quite the reaction that it did.

 

“I…” Marlena shrugged, tears rising, “I don’t know.”  

 

“You don’t know?”  Carrie frowned.

 

“I came downstairs, and he was just…. he was just gone,” the dammed tears began to break free and warning bells began to ring for Carrie.

 

“Marlena, you and Eugene…..?” she stopped short, answering her own question with a start.  “Oh Marlena, I had no idea.”

 

Marlena brushed angrily at the unwelcome tears with the back of her fingers, but unable to look at Carrie, she dropped her forehead into her hand.

 

“Marlena, do you have any idea where he might be?”  Carrie asked gently, realizing that there was more to Marlena’s distress than she could immediately divine. 

 

 Finally, Marlena looked up.  With reddened eyes, she shook her head, looking for all the world like a lost child.

 

“He…he said he was coming down to get coffee,” she said in a small voice.

 

“And?”  Carrie pressed.

 

“And…. Well, he’s not here, is he?” she was defensive.

 

“Maybe he just went out to pick up some milk or something?”  Carrie suggested.  Marlena shook her head.

 

“He would have told me.  He would have left a note.  *Something*.”  She pushed herself up from the sofa, the white robe floating after her as she walked across the room.  “It doesn’t matter,” she said listlessly.

 

“Of course it *matters*,” Carrie followed her to the window.  “I wish you’d stop acting like what happens to you is unimportant Marlena.  I *love* you.  You’re more of a mother to me than Anna *ever* was and I can’t bear to see you miserable.”

 

“Oh Carrie,” Marlena turned around with a sad smile.  “Thank you.”  She pulled Carrie into a hug.  “But really honey, I’ll be just fine.”

 

Carrie said nothing, but she bit her lip in concern.  It was so like Marlena to minimize her traumas, but Carrie had no idea how to break through that wall that she put up.

 

“Why don’t I,” she said thoughtfully, stepping back, “take the kids over to Granma and Granpa’s.  Maybe you could use some time alone?”  She didn’t really think that Marlena could handle Belle and Brady in this state.

 

“Oh could you?” Marlena managed a self-effacing smile.  “I would *really* appreciate that.”  Her words were soft, and Carrie simply smiled and hugged her.

 

“Leave it to me,” she said before heading upstairs.

 

It didn’t take long before she was herding the young children out of the apartment.  Marlena stood at the doorway and waved them goodbye.

 

“You take care,” Carrie told her gently as she hugged her.  

 

“I will,” Marlena smiled jadedly.  “Call me if you need me, okay?”

 

“And you call me if *you* need *me*,” Carrie’s reply was pointed, but she knew as soon as Marlena nodded that she would not.  She just prayed that everything would be okay, that whatever was going on would not be the thing that would finally break her adored stepmother.

 

Shooing the children before her, she entered the lift and watched Marlena as the door closed.  Forcing a smile, she looked down at the kids.

 

“Okay munchkins,” she mussed Belle’s hair, “Who’s for pancakes at Granma’s?”

 

Marlena waited for the last glimpse of the children and then closed the door.  Emotionally numb, she walked back the sofa and threw herself down.  She couldn’t even cry any more, she just felt so incredibly defeated.  He had promised her he wouldn’t leave her, and she had believed him.  Like she always did, the fool that she was.

 

Lethargically, she scanned the room, her mind almost devoid of thought.  But when she closed her eyes, she could feel Gene’s last warm kiss on her lips and the tears started to come once again.  So instead, she chose to focus on the conversation with Carrie, running it back through her mind.  Concentrating on Carrie’s problems seemed to relieve the preoccupation with her own situation, and she needed that right now.

 

She was almost as surprised as Carrie had been at Austin’s reaction to the pregnancy.  It didn’t seem typical of Austin.  As far as she knew, the young man doted on Will.  It seemed as if maybe there was more going on than she, or maybe even Carrie, knew.    Austin Reed warranted further investigation and, if Carrie did what she suggested and went away for a few days, she might just undertake that task herself.

 

Allowing herself a small smile, she thought about Carrie’s announcement.  A baby!  Perhaps she should have known, there was just that ethereal hint of *something* about the young woman.   The almost glowing complexion, the slight but tell-tale swell of her belly…

 

Abruptly, Marlena’ stomach knotted in near panic.

 

The slight but tell-tale swell of her belly…

 

*NO*.  Immediately, her mind flitted back over the previous months, and she did a quick mental calculation.  Feeling ill with nervousness, she pushed herself off the couch and went over to the mirror.  No, it can’t *be*.  Her hand swept down over the soft curve of her own stomach, and she turned to the side.

 

The clothes she had bought with Eugene in New York, they had all been a size larger, but she had put it down to a simple weight gain. No more, no less.  A sign of good living, she had laughed.  She looked at herself in the mirror in shock.  All this time?   Surely, she would have known.  

 

Her heart thumped with cold precision as her eyes searched her reflection for any possible repudiation.  But finally, lifting them to their own amber likeness, she knew the unassailable truth.

 

Carrie wasn’t the only one who was going to have a baby….

Chapter 70 – Old Demons and New Heartache

John gazed into space, a little disoriented.  He had slept maybe an hour of the night before, after trying to convince Kristen, in vain that he should sleep in the spare room.  His only relief had been at dawn when he had slipped out of bed and headed downstairs.  Now, on his fifth or sixth cup of coffee, he was waiting for Peter to come and pick up Kristen.  

 

He had forgotten, until Kristen told him this morning that they went monthly to lay flowers on the memorial of their mother.  Today was that day and as much as John felt guilty for it, he thanked God that he could have a couple of hours of solitude.

 

Opening the drawer of his desk, he pulled out a carefully hidden picture of Marlena and Belle.  Propping the frame up on the desk in front of him, he stared at it.  He was so lost in the curve of Marlena’s cheek that he didn’t hear Kristen come up behind him.

 

“Whatchya got there, honey?” she poked him teasingly in the ribs, and he almost lost his coffee.

 

“Kristen!” he felt like he was on the verge of exploding, but he bit back his anger.  That wouldn’t help now.  “It’s just an old photo,” he muttered quickly.

 

“Oh,” her response was measured as he turned from the photo.  “I guess you miss Belle and Brady huh?  You know honey, we should have them over to stay for a while.”  She grinned wickedly.  “I’m sure Marlena and Eugene would appreciate the privacy.”

 

“Excuse me?” John’s face darkened.

 

“Well, you know,” Kristen pulled on her coat and looped a scarf around her neck as she spoke.  “Now that they’re *together*, so to speak.”  She grinned excitedly unable to resist the urge to rub salt in the wound.  John needed to realize that he could not, and never would have Marlena.  “I saw them at the Penthouse Grill you know.  While you were away.  Gosh,” she crossed her arms in front of her.  “They looked *so* happy and in love.  I don’t think either of them saw anyone else in the whole restaurant.  I don’t think I’ve *ever* seen Marlena that contented.  You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if we hear wedding bells for those two soon.”

 

She sidled up to a stunned John and slipped her arms around his neck.

 

“I’m so happy for them,” she kissed his inert lips, feeling his tension beneath her ungainly body.  “I hope they’re as happy as we are.”  She looked at John inquisitively.  “Don’t you honey?”  John’s attention snapped back to her.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I hope that Marlena and Eugene are as happy as we are.  Don’t you?” she repeated patiently.  John looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, his eyebrows raised.

 

“Yeah,” he nodded his head.  “Yeah, I do.”

******

It is beyond comprehension.  There is neither linear time, nor the physical concept of space.  It has no dimensions.  It just *is*.  There is no possible beginning, no conceivable end and no boundaries.  And within, defying all laws of energy and universal constants, the Q exist, as one and as many that make up the one.

 

It was here that Q was brought to stand before the rest of the assembled continuum, Q2 at his back.

 

“Well Q,” a Q appeared before him, in human form.  Now that Q was possessed of a mortal body, they found they had little choice but to bring proceedings down to his level.  “You’re back.”

 

“Through no volition of my own,” Q said angrily, shrugging Q2’s hand from his shoulder.

 

“You would do well to show a little humility Q,” a disembodied voice warned from nearby.

 

The Q in front of him, an older man with long, white hair pursed his lips as he sank into a chair.

 

“You have caused us much consternation,” he said, his voice gravelly with age.  “You made a deal with the continuum Q, and you breached your end of the bargain.”

 

“I….” Q had no defense.  None that he could offer up to this faceless jury.  He had spent the past few weeks trying to ignore the impinging possibility…no probability that this would occur.  For the most part, he had been successful.  But of course, ignorance offered no way out.

 

“You broke your word Q,” Q2’s voice came from behind him.  “It was your only way back to us.”

 

“We had an agreement,” the sad-faced Q before him spoke again.  “You return the players to their respective positions in the correct timeline, and we would allow you to return to the continuum.”

 

“So, I broke my end of the bargain,” Q didn’t sound at all repentant, “I don’t come back to the continuum. I remain mortal.  That’s the end of it.”

 

“That is no longer enough,” the voice was mellifluous, and a young, redheaded woman materialized beside the older Q.  “The timeline still needs to be restored.  You cannot stay there.”  Q’s heart sank and he swallowed.

 

“You mean you’re going to send me somewhere else?”

 

“We mean,” Q2 stepped out from behind Q, “that you not only broke the rules Q, but you also contravened everything we were working towards.”

 

“You will not stay, and you will not go.”  The female Q stepped forward.  “You have flouted us one too many times Q.  You will not have occasion to again.”  Q looked at her in confusion and then turned to Q2.

 

“Sorry old pal,” Q2 shrugged, “I did try and warn you.”  

******

Marlena pulled the leather gloves off her hands as she entered the elevator.  The door ground to a close and she pushed the button for the top floor.  It hadn’t taken long for her doctor to confirm the pregnancy.  She was a little further than three months along, but she had known that was the case.  There was no way it could be otherwise. 

 

She leaned back against the wall and sighed.  How had she missed the signs?  Unlike her other pregnancies, she had suffered minimal morning sickness, so that hadn’t tipped her off.  Even so, looking back now, it was so obvious, but she guessed she hadn’t *wanted* to see them.  It complicated matters so much more.  A pregnancy at her age was the last thing she had expected, or even wanted.  Still, she *was* pregnant and there was no changing that fact.  She just wondered how John was going to take the news.

******

Q looked at the sorrowful face of the old man once again and his eyes widened.  

 

So that was it.  They were going to destroy him, consign him to oblivion, without so much as a chance to redeem himself.  Although he was not entirely sure that he really *wanted* to redeem himself.  But if it meant that he could get back to Marlena….

 

“There is something you do not know Q,” Q2 crossed his arms in front of him.

 

“And what’s that?” Q was still openly defiant.

 

“The woman, Marlena.  She is with child.”  The old Q tapped his hand on the chair.

 

“Marlena is pregnant?”  Q looked at him in shock.  He had had no idea.

 

“The father is John Black.”  The female Q said with ill-hidden derision.  Pregnancy was such a primitive process.  “She carries the twin to the child borne by Kristen Blake.”

 

“It restores both children to the timeline,” the Q nodded, “but your interference has grave repercussions.  Left to their own devices, John and Marlena will remain apart, and unhappy.”  He sighed solemnly.  “Why do you never listen Q?”

 

Q said nothing, still, too shocked to quite comprehend what was happening.

 

“Do you have anything to say on your own behalf?”  The old man pushed himself up from the chair with a long and intricately carved staff.

 

“I….,” Q looked around the area before him, shimmering with unworldly color and managed to formulate a plea.  “I wish to ask that you give me a second chance.”

 

“You have already had too many chances Q,” a dark-skinned young man spoke curtly from nearby.  

 

“This was your last.”

 

“But I know I can do it,” he spoke firmly, “I can get them back together.”

 

“Then why haven’t you already?” the androgynous voice floated somewhere behind him.

 

“Because he fell in *love*,” the redhead laughed scornfully.  To Q, she hissed, “you will *not* keep your word.”

 

“Maybe,” a soft, feminine voice came from nearby Q2, “we are being too hard on him.”  The young Q appeared, holding a longhaired cat in her arms.  “Maybe we should hear what he has to say.”

 

“You wish to speak on his behalf?” the old man looked halfway interested.

 

“I wish to speak on his behalf, yes,” the attractive blonde nodded, her green eyes almost as feline as the cat’s.

 

“Alright then,” the old man nodded, much to the disapproval of the Q beside him.  “You may speak.”

 

“I would like a few moments alone with Q first,” she requested, with a smile.

 

“Granted,” the old man sat back down in his chair.  “A few moments only and then you will have the opportunity to bargain for his existence.”

******

Marlena stepped out of the elevator and stared at the door to the loft, suddenly and completely nervous.  A thousand questions reeled through her mind.  How do I tell him?  How will he react?  Will he be happy?  Upset?  Angry?   If Kristen was there, how did she tell John that she wanted to talk to him in private?  Though she had to admit, part of her would love to see Kristen’s face when she heard the news, this was something that she needed to do in private.  

 

Part of her didn’t want to tell him at all, part of her argued that he didn’t deserve to know, after all the pain that he had caused her.  But mostly, she knew that he *did* deserve to know.  She couldn’t deprive him of knowing his child, any more than she could have when she had found out that Belle was his.

 

“Are we doomed to repeat our mistakes?” she murmured almost inaudibly.  She certainly hoped not.  The years following Belle’s birth had been the darkest of her life.  She didn’t know if she had the strength to face that sort of pain again.  In fact, she was sure she did not.

 

Taking a deep breath and clutching her purse in front of her, she stepped up to the steel door and knocked sharply.  It was a moment before she heard the telltale footsteps behind the barrier.  

 

The heavy door slid jerkily open to reveal an enervated John.

 

“Marlena.”  It was obvious that she was the last person he had expected to see and the tension between them was immediately evident.

 

“John,” she tried to smile, but it merely came forth as a twitch of her lips.  “I….”  He was staring at her, a hunted look in his eyes and it unnerved her.  “Can I come in?”  John pursed his lips for a moment, looking for all the world as if he wanted to refuse her request.

 

“Sure,” he said finally, moving away from the doorway.  “Come in.”

 

She stepped through the doorway, trying to ignore the fact that last time she had been here, she had been intending to declare her love for him.  She hoped that this time wouldn’t turn out to be such a disaster.  She looked around the room as John closed the door behind her.  The sight of the balloons and stuffed toys in the living room sent a wrenching pain through her and she felt breathless for a moment.

 

“Was there something you wanted Marlena?” he sounded so cold and impersonal and for a moment Marlena’s instinct was to run.  Instead, she turned to face him.

 

“Yes, there was something,” she opened her mouth, but the wrong words came out.  “How have you been John?”  Her voice was so gentle that John felt he could weep.  He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he was never going to let her go.  But he couldn’t do that.  He had to hear her out and then he had to get her out of there.

 

“I’ve been fine.  Now what was it that you wanted?”

 

“I…” his iciness hit hard and she found there was nothing left to say, except for what she had come to say.  “I came because there’s something…. something that you need to know John.”

 

“Well you can save your words,” John pre-empted her, trying to save himself the pain of hearing it from her own lips.  He didn’t think he could bear that.  “I already know.  I hope you’ll both be *very* happy.”  He couldn’t help the caustic tone and he turned from her, hating himself for taking out his pain on her.

 

“*What*?”  Marlena had no idea what he was talking about.

 

“You make quite the couple,” he looked back at the photo on the table and Kristen’s words echoed in his head. They looked *so* happy and in love.  Angrily, he turned back to her.  “I’m just surprised I guess that you finally deigned to tell me yourself.  After all, it’s not like you *owe* me anything is it?”

 

Marlena felt her own anger begin to rise as she stepped back, on the defensive thanks to his bristling manner.

 

“*Owe* you?  John, what on earth *are* you talking about?”

 

“Oh, come on Marlena,” he gave a taut laugh.  “Don’t try and deny it.  It’s not like you’ve exactly made a secret of it now is it?”

 

“John, I…” her face was burning.

“For God’s sake, I *saw* you with him.  I saw you *making love* to him.   Eugene Bradford.  Your good *friend* Eugene.”  He turned away in disgust.  

 

“You *what*?”  Marlena was shocked and appalled at his vitriolic attack.  This latest revelation only increased that feeling.  But now it was tangled in anger and embarrassment.

 

“Well, I was a *fool* wasn’t I?”  He rolled his eyes.  “Stupid, deluded *John Black*, actually believing that you might still love me.  I came up to your apartment.  I came up to see you, to talk to you.  But it was late, so I let myself in,” his eyes flashed dangerously, “only to find that I had been *replaced* in your bed.  By Eugene Bradford.”  He sneered as he said the name, leaving Marlena in no doubts as to his thoughts on her choice.

 

“You *let* yourself into my apartment?” Marlena chose to ignore his innuendo for the moment, but his attack provoked her, unleashing an anger which only inflamed the situation.  “How *dare* you!”

 

“How dare *you* bed that man with *my* children only feet away.”  He hit the counter with his fist, his anger and hurt washing away all reasoning.  “They could have walked in on you, just like I did.”

 

“And they couldn’t have walked in on you and Kristen like *I* did that day in the wine cellar?” Marlena spat back incredulously. “It was the middle of the *night* by your account, and anyway, it’s really none of your business what I do in my bedroom anymore, *is* it?”  Her knuckles were almost white. “You rather gave that right away when you took Kristen back into your life.”  Glaring at him, she continued, some detached part of her almost surprised that she still carried around this much anger at the past.  “You really do have *quite* some nerve John.  You have no *right* to call me on improper behavior after the way you slept your way around that house with that *woman*.”  Her tone dripped with distaste.  There were many words she could use to describe Kristen, but she would not lower herself to that level.

 

“Kristen has nothing to do with this,” John was not entirely convincing.

 

“Kristen has *everything* to do with this,” Marlena banged her purse on the counter next to John’s hand.  “Or she would do if you didn’t have some warped double standard that you think I should live up to.  It’s okay for you to sleep with Kristen while you fantasize about me, but it’s not okay for me to have a relationship with a man I actually happen to care for.  Is that it?”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” he glared at her furiously.  Again, it had become less about something she had done than about his faults.  “Don’t try and twist this around.”

 

“That was *exactly* what you meant,” Marlena snapped in a low and acrimonious tone.  “Well, I’m sorry I can’t canonize your *precious* Kristen for you.  I’m not hanging around to be walked all over this time.”

 

John fumed silently. And snatching up her purse again, she headed for the door.  Turning around, she added a parting shot as she saw the suitcases by the door.

 

“I see you’ve moved her back into the loft.  I guess old habits die hard huh?”

 

“Why do you even care?” he shrugged his shoulders, his eyes febrile and his voice full of hostility.  “You have what you want.  Another man in your bed.  I sure *hope* you’re happy with second-best Marlena.”  

 

He saw the hot pain sear through her bronze-colored eyes and he felt it as keenly as if it had been his own.  Those eyes glistened for a moment and then she turned on her heel.  Wrenching the door open, she left the loft.  Left him standing alone.

 

Left him wondering what in the hell he had just done.

Chapter 71 – The Question

Her cat-like eyes flashed as she pulled him aside.

 

“Just be quiet and listen,” she hissed.  “There is group of us that are willing to help you.  But you have to play the role.”

 

“I don’t understand….” Q appeared confused.

 

“We don’t agree with the Continuum’s insistence that you mend this ‘so-called’ ruptured time-line.”  She smiled a sly and flirty smile.  “There are those among the Continuum that admire you Q, your willingness to stand up for what you believe in.  We want to help you; we do not want to see your efforts lost.”  Her face took on a serious cast.  “There is only so much we can do, but we believe if you can get back to Earth, we can shield your true intentions.  If you are willing to leave, we can hide you, and the woman if you choose, wherever you wish to go.”

 

“Why?” Q looked at the woman with curiosity.  “Why would you do this for me?”

 

“Because we like you Q,” she smiled, showing a row of beautifully white teeth.  “You’ve piqued our interest, and that’s not so easy to do.  And besides,” her look became personal, “I can’t believe *anybody* deserves to be stuck with this John Black person.”

 

Q looked mildly surprised at that comment, but his attention was captured by more important matters.

 

“What if I say that I only want to return to do what the Continuum ask of me?” his manner was uneasy.

 

“That is your decision of course.”  She shrugged her slim shoulders.  “But we will not be able to help you if you fail again.  Do you really think you will be able to keep away from *her*?”  She looked disbelieving.  When Q did not answer, she smiled maliciously.  “I thought not.”

 

“If I agree,” Q said suddenly, eyeing the group of Qs that stood to the side of them, talking amongst themselves.  “If I agree, what would I have to do?”

 

“Be convincing,” her lilting voice was oddly calming.  “You want to go back because you realize you have a task to do.  Make them believe you, we will do the rest.”

 

Q looked at her for a moment.  She reminded him of a lioness, beautiful but deceptively dangerous.  He wasn’t sure if he could trust her, but he guessed that at this moment, he had no choice.  As he turned to agree, a ripple passed through the Continuum.  It was a ripple of energy, of light and sound, and of knowledge.  Suddenly, he felt like an outsider in his own home.  Except that it wasn’t his home anymore.  Not if he made the decision she was asking him to make.

 

She looked at him, a smirk on her face.

 

“We may not have too much convincing to do,” she flipped the short blonde bob with a shake of her head. “Your answer?”  Q silently nodded his head.  He would give up anything to get back to Marlena.

******

Marlena counted the rickety steps down to the pier as she trod them.  Shivering, she looked out over the murky water, wrapping her arms around her to ward off the chill.  The water lapped at the old wooden piles, a comfortingly familiar sound.  It was a sound and a place that evoked old memories, memories with Roman, and John, and with Eugene.  Even with Don.

 

Too many memories.  She had too much of her past tied up with this place.  So many good things had happened, but so many bad things too.  Sometimes she just wondered if it would be best to leave Salem, to go somewhere new and start again.  Somewhere where she wasn’t haunted by the memories and the mistakes she had made.

 

“Marlena?” a familiar voice made her turn.

 

“Oh Abe, hi.” She managed a small smile. “How are you?”

 

“I could ask you the same thing.”  His gaze was piercing and she turned away.

 

“I’m fine,” she said in a thin voice that felt as though it were foreign to her.

 

“If you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t look fine,” Abe laid his hand on her shoulder.  “What’s wrong Marlena?”

 

“Oh Abe,” she wanted so badly to be strong, but he had caught her off-guard.  “Abe everything is such a mess.”

 

“Woah,” he wrapped his strong arms around her as she began to cry. 

 

Finally, when she stopped crying, he fished out a handkerchief and handed it to her.

 

“Here,” he said softly, leading her to sit on a wooden bench.  “Now, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”  Marlena wiped her eyes and looked up at him.

 

“I…I can’t really tell you,” she shook her head.  “Not right now anyway.”

 

“Is it John?” Abe probed.  Marlena pressed her lips together and nodded.

 

“Partly.”

 

“What *is* going on with you two?” he asked gently.  He had heard the rumors, but he wasn’t about to believe them fourth or fifth hand.

 

“Nothing,” her voice was hoarse, and it drifted down to a pained whisper. “Abe we can’t even spend five minutes in the same room any more without getting into an argument.”

 

Abe pursed his lips for a moment and squeezed her hand.

 

“Why don’t you go back and talk to him,” he suggested quietly, correctly assuming that was what had happened.

 

“I can’t,” Marlena shook her head firmly.  “Abe,” she shook her head her stomach churning, “some of the things we said….”

 

“All the more reason you should go back,” he was persistent.  “You need to sort this out Marlena.”

 

“No Abe,” she was adamant.  “You don’t understand, it’s too complicated.”

 

“How can it be too complicated?” Abe demanded a little harshly.  “You love him, and he loves you.”

 

“Does he?” Marlena shook her head bitterly, “If that’s the case, then tell me, why did he move Kristen back into his loft?”

 

“He moved Kristen back into….?” Abe looked incredulous.

 

“Yeah, so don’t tell me it’s not complicated.”  Marlena stood abruptly, but when she saw his confused expression, she softened a little.  “Thanks for trying to help Abe.  It’s just something I’ll have to work out myself I guess.”  Leaning over, she pressed her lips to his cheek.  “Give my love to Lexie, won’t you?”

 

Abe nodded and watched her go.  Shaking his head, he wondered what the hell kind of a mess John had gotten himself into now. 

 

******

“We wish to request that Q be sent back to Earth to act as a mediator between the couple in question,” they came again before the council of Q.  “We believe that Q is the best equipped to handle this situation.  We also believe that it would be unfair to punish him for a situation that is not entirely of his making.”  She looked around the assembled group, vexation in her eyes.  “How is he supposed to do a job without all the facts?  Some might say,” she raised her eyebrows in the direction of the beautiful redhead, “that you wanted him to fail.”

 

“There is a development,” a middle-aged woman stepped forward from a group of Q. 

 

“It seems,” the old Q said slowly, “that we may have no choice after all.”

 

“What do you mean?” Q’s brow wrinkled with bewilderment.  When he was part of the Q, he didn’t have to ask questions, he simply knew along with all the other Q.  However now, he was ‘out of the loop’, so to speak and he had to try and fathom the meaning of the Q’s disjointed communication the best he could, even if they did seem to be taking perverse pleasure in confusing him.  

 

“That Marlena of yours, she’s quite a little spitfire,” Q2 seemed to be perpetually amused by the situation.  “It seems that she and that erstwhile beau of hers have had another falling out.  Quite a major one it would seem.” He seemed almost gleeful.  “It’s going to be quite a task to get them back together at this late stage.”

 

Q turned to the now large group assembled around the old Q.

 

“Please send me back,” he begged.  “I can talk to her; I can get her to listen.  Untie my hands and I can do anything you ask.”  The old man bit on his lower lip.

 

“It seems as though you may be the only one she will listen to right now.”

 

“Then let me go back,” Q hoped desperately that the renegade faction was keeping their word right now.  If the Q knew exactly what he was intending to do, they would never send him back.  “Let me tell Marlena why I am there and let me tell her about the babies.  I’ll tell her everything and she’ll have to listen.”

 

The older woman stepped forward and scrutinized Q.  

 

“Are you sincere?” she asked uncertainly.

 

“I am sincere.”  Q nodded his head.  “I do love Marlena, I admit that freely, but I will do what is best for her.  And if you say that is making sure she is with John Black, then that’s what I’ll do.”  The need for duplicity rankled somewhat, but it was his only chance.

 

He waited for some kind of response, but the void was filled with silence for the longest moment.  Then the old man pushed himself up from the chair.

 

“We have come to a decision,” he announced

******

Marlena let herself into the penthouse and closed the door behind her.  She looked around the apartment hopefully for a moment and then as the reality of her situation sank in, gloom enveloped her once more. Wandering aimlessly into the living area, she unbuttoned her coat and slipped it off her shoulders before dropping it on the couch.  Trying to keep herself occupied, she went into the kitchen and made herself a weak cup of tea.  She carried it back into the living room and set it down on the table.  Her stomach turned slightly as she sank down onto the sofa, and she dropped her head into her hand.  She couldn’t go through this alone, not again.

 

Unwillingly, her mind slipped back to the encounter in John’s loft.  He had been so incredibly angry with her, and though, to a certain extent she could understand it, mostly she resented it.  

 

“He has no *right*,” she whispered weakly a tear slipping from the corner of her eye.  She had intended full well to tell him about the baby, but his attack had so whipped up her anger that she had found herself unable to.  

 

Her fists clenched as she remembered his contemptuous words and it provoked her wrath all over again.  I sure *hope* you’re happy with second-best Marlena.  Who the hell was John Black to talk about *second-best*?  And not only that but he insulted her and derided Eugene, and then he had the nerve to tell her to leave Kristen out of it.  But she couldn’t leave Kristen out of it.  That woman would be stepmother to her children and the thought made Marlena sick to her stomach.  

 

“Damn you John!” she pressed her fist to her mouth, trying to control the conflicting emotions that warred within her.  Looking down she saw the mug of lukewarm tea and it suddenly seemed like the ideal object on which to take out her frustrations.  The china mug that John had bought her when she had moved into the penthouse went flying across the room, smashing into smithereens against the yellow wall.  The tea dribbled down the wall, soaking into the carpet among the shattered ruins of the floral china.  It was though the action broke a dam in Marlena and finally the tears began to flow.  Burying her face in her hands, she gave in to the wrenching sobs.

 

“Hey, hey,” a gentle and familiar voice from the sofa next to her.  “What’s all this about?”

 

“Gene?” Marlena looked around, not quite able to believe it.  Relief flooded her face as she saw him.  “Oh Gene,” the sobs still came as she spoke, “where did you go?”

 

“I’m sorry baby,” he pulled her into his arms.  “The Q took me back for a while.  I’ll explain it later.  Now, do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong?” she looked up at him, her hazel eyes miserable.  “You disappeared, I thought I’d never *see* you again.”

 

“You should know by now that I’m not that easy to get rid of,” he quipped easily, but seeing that it didn’t make her smile his, expression sobered.  “But there’s more than that.  What is it, Marlena.”

 

“Oh Gene,” she shook her head, batting at her tears with shaking fingers.  “Gene it’s all messed up.”

“How?” he was tender as he wiped away her tears.

 

“I’m going to have a baby,” she sniffed, “John’s baby.”   Q smiled compassionately

 

“I know,” he nodded his head.  “They told me when I was there.”

 

“They did?” her voice was small.  “How did they know?”

“They know a lot of things.”  Q’s expression became evasive, but Marlena didn’t seem to notice.

 

“Then you don’t mind?” she looked almost hopeful as she considered his presence.

 

“Mind about what?” he shook his head, not understanding.

 

“That I’m going to have a baby,” she swallowed, her heart thumping.

 

“Oh darling, I don’t mind at all.”  He shook his head with a loving smile and ran his thumb down her cheek.

 

“Well, good,” she seemed almost cheerful, “because I-”

 

“Marlena,” he held up his hand.  If he was going to do this, he had to do it fast.  “Honey, there’s something you have to know.”

 

“What?” The look on his face suddenly had her nervous.

 

“I-” he took a deep breath, his own nerves sending his stomach fluttering.  “Marlena, when the Continuum sent me here, the one thing I was never supposed to do, was to get involved with you.  Not romantically.”

 

“Gene I-“ she tried to speak but he touched his finger to her lips stilling them.

 

“Please, let me finish,” he nodded carefully trying to pick his words from an emotional minefield.  “I was supposed to get you and John back together, but I rather screwed that up.”

 

“That wasn’t *your* fault,” Marlena reassured him gently.  She knew he had done what he could, it was she and John that had ‘screwed that up’.

 

“Well anyway,” Q studied his hands.  “They’re none too happy with me now.  They want to…. well,” he changed his mind, “it doesn’t really matter what they want to do.”

 

“What Gene?” she read correctly the fear in his eyes, and she took his hand, her heart thumping.  He looked up at her, unwilling to place any more pressure on her than he had to.  She had to make this decision based on what she wanted, not what would happen to him.

“They want to punish me,” he said quietly, “they want to take me away from here.  I’ll never see you again.”

 

“Gene no,” she shook her head, unable or unwilling to comprehend his words.

 

“Baby, this is where you have to listen to me,” he took her hands in his and looked into her eyes.  “I have a chance.  A renegade faction of the Q has offered me an opportunity to get away, for us to go away.  We can go somewhere far away, and they will hide us.  The Q can never find us.  You and me, we can start a new life, we can do anything we want, *be* anything we want.”

 

“Gene I….” she shook her head, amazed at his offer, amazed he would risk so much for her.  “I don’t know what to say.”

 

“Sweetheart, I don’t want to pressure you, I know this is a terrible decision to ask you to make right now,” he shook his head, the urgency plain in his eyes, “but the truth is, I have very little time.  If we’re going to go, we have to go as soon as possible.”

 

“If we don’t go?” Marlena breathed.  “What happens then?”

 

Eugene shook his head.

 

“I don’t know,” he said honestly.  “At best we couldn’t be together.  At worst……” he didn’t want to voice that particular fear.

 

“What would they do to you?” she pressed, needing to know what she was up against.

 

“Honey, I don’t know what they intend to do,” it wasn’t entirely a lie, “but I don’t really want to find out either.”

 

“What about the baby?” she bit on her lip as she awaited his answer.

 

“I’ll love the baby as if it were my own,” he smiled at the thought.  “I could even make it my own if that was what you wanted, a simple strand of DNA, it’s no problem.  We can take Belle, Brady, anything you want.”  Marlena was silent for a moment, the implications of his proposal finally starting to sink in.  Going away, starting over.  Wasn’t that what she had just been thinking about?  And now it was being offered to her.

 

“What about the other children?” she asked carefully.

 

“Honey, I’ll do what I can.  If you want the kids to come, I’ll do anything I can to make that happen.”  His speech was getting faster, his anxiety growing as the expectation of being snatched away at any moment grew.  “Baby I….” He shook his head, not knowing how to convince her.  “You know, I can even make you immortal if you want, and the kids too,” he reached out and tucked the blonde hair behind her ear.  “We can be as happy as we have been, forever.  But,” he took her hand in his, “you really need to decide now Marlena.”

Marlena looked at him, her mind reeling with the ramifications of what her decision would mean.  He was willing to give up everything, to give his identity and much of his power away and go into hiding, just so he could be with her.  And if she refused him, she had no doubt that the outcome could well be his death.  He hadn’t said as much but it wasn’t hard to read the panic in his eyes.  And, after all, she had considered this anyway.  Away from all the mistakes she had made, maybe she could put a new life together, leave the hurt and the pain behind and just be happy for once.  And she *did* love him.

 

“It’s quite an offer,” she volunteered a watery smile.  “I…” she tried to say yes, to tell him that she would do it, but suddenly she knew she couldn’t.  For all the sense it made, for all the temptations, she just couldn’t do it.  Her home was here in Salem.  

 

She looked up at him sadly.

 

“Gene I can’t,” tears filled her eyes.  “I can’t leave my children and my family.  All my friends are here, my life is here in Salem, I can’t leave them all.”  The tears trickled down her face as she watched his hope disintegrate.  “There are people that need me Gene, I can’t just walk away.  Oh God, I really wish I could come with you, I…. I just can’t.”  She searched for a justification, something that would make him understand why she just couldn’t do what he was asking, as much as she wanted to.  “Honey, I can’t ask the children to give up their life here, I can’t take them away from their father and their family and I *can’t* leave them…. I just can’t.”

 

Q watched her, her beautiful eyes pleading with him to understand, and he felt as though he were being torn up inside.  He understood only too well.

 

“And you can’t leave John,” there was no reproach in his voice, just quiet resignation.

 

“Gene, no …. that’s not true!”  She shook her head emphatically, trying to deny his words, but even as she did, she knew it was a lie.  Shock registered on her face as she looked at him, her body alive with stress.

 

“Oh God!” she covered her face with her hands and began to sob as the full impact of what had happened finally hit her.  “Oh my God, what have I done?”

Chapter 72 – Peril

John climbed the steps to the roof of the loft and closed the door behind him.  Then silently, he sat down, watching the clouds scudder restlessly across the spring sky.  He ran his fingers through his cropped black hair and sighed.  This was all he needed, after the stress of moving Kristen into the loft and keeping the truth from Marlena.  All he needed was her accusing him of giving up.

 

“I wasn’t the one that gave up this time Doc,” he said quietly, his eyes reddening.  She really thought that little of him?  Thought he’d take Kristen back just because he thought he couldn’t have her?  Obviously, that *was* what she thought.  It just showed how little she knew him.

 

About as little as he knew her, he supposed.  He didn’t understand her anymore.  One moment she was playing coy, pretending not to understand and the next she was trying to blame him. 

 

Her biting words rung in his ears.  It’s really none of your business what I do in my bedroom anymore, *is* it?  You rather gave that right away when you took Kristen back into your life.  He scratched his beard in vexation.  Something about that wasn’t quite right.  Something was out of place, but his mind was too chaotic and exhausted to be able to pick it.  

 

“John?” Kristen’s voice roused him from his contemplation.

 

“What?” his voice was short and snippy.

 

“What are you doing out here baby, you’ll catch your death of cold,” she came towards him from the doorway, her posture denoting her concern.  

 

“I’m fine,” John shrugged her hand off his shoulder in irritation and stood up.

 

“You don’t *look* fine,” Kristen raised her eyebrows.  “Has something happened John?”

 

“No,” John shook his head, avoiding her eyes.  “But I have to go out.  I’ll be back later.”

 

He didn’t even acknowledge her as he left, and Kristen fumed as she watched him go.  Whatever it was, she would lay money on the fact that it was to do with Marlena.  Still, she considered with a smile, his foul mood could only mean that whatever it was, it would probably end up working in her own favor once John had gotten over his fit of pique.  She was glad that Peter had warned her about the confrontation between Mike and John at the hospital.  It was his impression that whatever was going on had involved Marlena and he had warned her to be vigilant.

 

She had taken the information to heart and had decided to ‘remind’ John from time to time that he really couldn’t have Marlena anymore.  And it had seemed her mention of Marlena and Eugene this morning had produced the desired effect.  She was going to have to work to keep John’s attention on her and away from Marlena, but she knew she could do it.   With a satisfied smile, she rubbed her protruding belly.

 

“We’ve got your dad just where we want him, haven’t we baby.” 

 

With a satisfied smile, she made her way back down the stairs.

******

“It’s all right,” Eugene drew Marlena into his arms, her finding tears and her guilt unbearable.  She looked up at him, her eyes red and contrite.

 

“No Eugene, it’s *not* all right.”  She shook her head emphatically.  “It’s not all right at all.”  She began to cry again.  “I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”

 

“I know that.”  Strands of her hair were sticking to the moisture on her cheek, and he pushed them away gently with his fingers.

 

“We could,” she searched his face desperately, “maybe you could stay here, they…. they wouldn’t have to know.” 

 

“They’d know,” he said gently as he took her hand.  “Besides,” his eyes held a sheen of sadness as he spoke again.  “I can’t lie to you Marlena; I do love you.  But,” he shrugged painfully, “*you* love John, and he’s the one you need to be with now.”

“But I *do* love you, Gene,” she was beside herself with the grief she knew she was causing him.  “You have to believe that.”

 

“I do believe it,” he nodded, his voice even, “but you can’t kid yourself anymore, sweetheart.  You know the truth as well as I do.”

 

“No, *no* I don’t *want* to know it….” 

 

She tried to turn from him, not wanting to see the pain in his eyes. She couldn’t bear this.  For all these weeks she had tried to forget about John, she had tried to convince herself that it was over and that she didn’t care anymore.  She had loved and laughed, and she’d had wonderful fun with Gene.  She had learned to be herself again.  

 

But for all that, she knew now that she hadn’t stopped loving John.  She had just buried it once again.  And however she tried to deny it, she now felt like she had used Gene to forget about John.  It had never been conscious, she had persuaded herself to forget about John, she had told herself she was moving on.  And she *did* love Gene, she hadn’t lied about that, it was just….  

 

Her voice was deep and filled with self-loathing as she spoke again.  

 

“You must hate me.”

 

“Oh baby, I could *never* hate you,” he was amazed that she would think such a thing.

 

“But you must feel like I *used* you,” she wept as he wrapped his arms around her again.  “I’ve been so unfair to you.”

 

“Hey,” he managed a smile, “you didn’t *use* me.  This was something we decided to do together remember?  I knew the risks going in,” he winked at her, “you forget how well I know you.”

 

She sniffed as he held her against him, and he continued.

“I wouldn’t change a moment of the last few weeks.  I love you, but I want you to be really happy.  And I think you’ll only be *really* happy when you’re with John.”  She said nothing again and he let his words sink in for a few minutes.

 

Finally, she looked up, but when she did, he was surprised to find it was fear that masked her eyes.

 

“Then Gene you have to go,” she shook her head.  “You have to get away from here before they find you.”

 

“Uh-uh,” he shook his head forcefully.  “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“But Gene,” she pushed away from him, suddenly terrified at what might happen to him if he refused to go.  “Won’t they be terribly angry when they find out what you tried to do?”

 

“They might be,” he nodded, “but I have to take that chance.  You need me and *I* need to know that you will be all right.  I can’t leave you right now, not alone like this.”

 

“*Gene*,” she was insistent.  “Please, I don’t want anything to happen to you.  I couldn’t endure the thought that you might be hurt because of me.  I couldn’t bear that on my conscience too.”

 

“I won’t be hurt,” he sounded much more confident than he felt.  “It’ll be okay,” he tapped her on the chin with his index finger, “just trust me.”

 

She looked at him, an obstinate set to her mouth as she evaluated his words.  It was difficult to know if he was just trying to placate her, or if he was being honest with her.  Either way she suspected that even if she argued until she was blue in the face that he would still win.

 

“And you tell me *I’m* stubborn,” she smiled wanly.

 

“And I’m right too,” he chuckled lightly.  “Now, I don’t think all this stress is good for the baby.  You need to rest.”

 

“No, I’m fine,” Marlena protested unconvincingly.

 

“No, you’re not,” Q shook his head.  “It’s been a long day and you’ve been through a lot.  You need to start looking after yourself and that baby of yours.  We can talk more later when you’re feeling better.” 

 

“I…” she didn’t have much energy left to argue with him and finally she nodded her head.  “I guess you’re right.”

 

“I know I am,” he wiped the few lingering tears from her face and kissed her forehead before helping her up.  “You go up and lie down, I’ll be down here if you need me.”

 

Marlena felt her stomach tighten.  A part of her was frightened that if she let him out of her sight, he’d disappear again.  She wanted to hold him and kiss him and take away the pain that clouded his eyes, but she couldn’t.  That would only make things worse.  She couldn’t ask any more of him than he’d already given.   She had hurt him, and she didn’t want to make things any more difficult for him than they already were.

 

“Okay,” she nodded her head trying to hide her reluctance.  Q squeezed her hand then watched her slowly ascend the stairs.  When she turned the corner, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  He looked around the room, re-acquainting himself with the home he had shared with Marlena and her children for several months now and then he walked to the window.

 

“Well, if you’re going to come and get me,” he murmured, “you’d better do it now.”

******

 

 

Carrie pulled her suitcase out from under her bed and began to throw clothes in it.  Austin was out and she wanted to be gone by the time he got home.  She had left Belle and Brady with Caroline and Shawn, simply telling them Marlena was having a few problems and asking them to check on her when they could.  She also had left the name of a friend with them.  It was about time Marlena found a new nanny for the kids, and Carrie knew that Lucie would fit the bill perfectly.

 

Having Belle and Brady in the car on the way over to the pub had only served to increase her conviction that Marlena’s advice was the right advice to take.  The children were wonderful, and Marlena had done an admirable job raising them on their own.  If Carrie had to do that with her own child, then she would rather know now than be as miserable as she had for the last few weeks.

 

She had called Kate as soon as she had made it home, informing her that she would be taking a leave of absence.  Kate hadn’t sounded too thrilled, but Carrie had made it clear that she was going, whether or not she had a job to come back to.  Eventually Kate had reluctantly agreed, and Carrie had set about getting her things together.

 

Opening her closet, she bundled up a few outfits and laid them in the case.  It was quickly becoming full and soon she had everything that she thought she might need.  She zipped up the suitcase and tucked her passport, checkbook and visa card in her purse.  She pulled her jacket quickly off her shoulders and dropped it on the floor.  It was followed by her skirt and she pulled on a pair of blue jeans.  Teaming it with a cream sweater, she pulled a brush through her hair and gathered it into a ponytail.  Then she grabbed a pen and a piece of paper.

 

Scribbling a quick note for Austin, she signed it and left it on the dresser.  Then she picked up her suitcase and her purse.  Looking around the apartment once, she pulled the door closed behind her.  She had already called a taxi and she rode the elevator down, her heart beating soundly.  Outside the front door of the building, the beefy cab driver lifted Carrie’s case into the trunk, and he closed the door behind her as she climbed into the back seat of the vehicle.

 

“To the airport please,” she said breathlessly as they pulled away.

 

“The airport huh?” a familiar voice repeated before the driver pulled off his cap.  He flashed her a nefarious smile as he looked at her in the mirror.  Seeing the blackly malignant eyes staring back at her, Carrie’s own eyes widened in shock.

******

Sami stepped off the bus, her backpack biting into her shoulders as she hefted it into a different position.  It seemed that every course required her to have the heaviest textbook they could possibly find, and then they all wanted her to bring them on the same day.  She thought about going straight home, but that didn’t particularly appeal today.  She had been studying nonstop lately, it seemed, and she needed a break.  The fresh air might do her some good.

 

Shifting the heavy bag again she decided to swing by the pub in order to see her son and shed her bag.  When she got there, she was surprised to find Belle and Brady playing with Will.

 

“Hi Granma,” she pecked Caroline on the cheek and dumped her bag on a chair, “what’s going on?”  

 

Caroline frowned expansively.

 

“Your sister brought Belle and Brady over dear.  It seems your mother is having a tough time at the moment.”  Sami looked at her grandmother, her expression one of mild surprise.

 

“Let’s face it Granma, when *isn’t* she?” she shrugged.

 

“*Sami!*” Caroline appeared shocked at Sami’s nonchalance, but Sami didn’t particularly care.  

 

“So, she’s dumped the kids on you again huh?” she raised her eyebrows.  “Yeah, some mother all right.”

 

“Now Sami, I won’t have you talking like that about your mother,” Shawn came into the kitchen wiping his hands on a towel.  “It’s not right.”  Sami looked at him for a moment and then shook her head.

 

“Well, let’s just forget it shall we?” she suggested curtly.  “How’s my boy been?”

 

“He’s been wonderful dear,” Caroline continued to talk to Sami as Shawn shook his head behind them.  It wasn’t at all right.

******

Q waited, but there was no flash of light, no oblivion.  He shrugged his shoulders, partially wondering why, but mostly, simply emotionally exhausted.  Wandering back to the sofa, he sat down and buried his face in his hands.  She’d said no.  

 

He had known the moment she had said it of course, the reason why.  He had known all along really; he had just chosen not to see it.  However much John Black hurt her, she would never give up on him, because she loved him too much.  A deep, all-encompassing love.  He knew what that felt like.  But the difference was he knew that John loved her back, in the same sort of deep and abiding way that she loved him.  The Continuum had said that they belonged together.  Now Q had been forced see they were right.

 

A pained smile twisted the corner of his lips as he wondered what kind of a perverse laugh they were getting from this.  But the humiliation was nothing compared to the pain he felt at losing her.  He loved her so much and it was like losing a part of himself, saying goodbye to the joy of having her in his life.  It was agony and complete desolation and he wondered vaguely how he was going to make it through this.

 

Silently, he finally let the tears fall.

******

“I’m gonna go out for a walk, okay?”  Sami bent down to plant a kiss on Will’s head.  “I shouldn’t be too long.”

 

“You be careful now,” Shawn instructed her.  “It’s not good for a young girl like you to be walking round by herself, so it isn’t.”

 

“I’ll be careful Granpa,” she gave him a sweet smile and a hug.  “I’ll see you soon.”

 

The air was crisp outside, and Sami flicked her long blonde hair behind her as she walked slowly through the village.  It was quite deserted, and Sami surmised that everyone must be home having dinner.  As she neared the river, she encountered the first of the mist that rose off the water in early evening.  A smile passed across her face as she remembered how she and Eric used to go fishing with Shawn, tying up back at the dock just as the fog began to rise.

 

She took in a deep breath of the damp air and jammed her cold, rubbery fingers deeper into her pocket.  A noise behind her made her start and she whirled around, but there was no one there.  She smiled at her flighty imagination and carried on walking towards the river.  She hadn’t made it much further before she imagined she heard the clatter of footsteps behind her.  She turned again, but again it was nothing.  Frowning, she picked up her pace, making her way down toward the old pier.  It was somewhere that her father had gone when he needed some space and some time to think, and she found it helped her too.  And then she heard the footsteps again.  

 

This time she knew she wasn’t imagining it. Someone was definitely following her.  

******

John pulled the collar of his jacket up around his neck and stepped out of his jeep.  The deep foghorn of a ferry sounded somewhere over the water and John leaned back against the car.  Things were so confused and messed up, and he had no idea what to do.  He only knew he couldn’t go on like this.  He couldn’t go on hating himself and he couldn’t go on hurting Marlena.  Somewhere inside him, he knew, was the answer.  He just had to find it.

******

Sami turned around, but whoever it was dodged into the shadows.

 

“Who’s there?” she called out, trying to sound firm but her shaking voice betrayed the extent of her nerves.  Turning again, her own footsteps swiftened, matching the staccato beat of her heart.  But he still followed, matching every burst of pace on her part with one of his own.  By the time Sami had made it down the wooden steps, he was right behind her.

 

He caught her with one strong hand and whipped her around to face him.  The blade of his knife glinted cruelly in the misty half-light as he brought it up in front of her, the point resting only centimeters below her chin.

 

“Thought you could get away from me didn’t you Sami?” Grant’s voice held an undercurrent of madness.  Sami said nothing, too terrified to speak.  “*Didn’t* you?” he shook her violently.

 

“No, I…” Sami shook her head timorously.

 

“You *what*?” he laughed maniacally.  “You think you can reject me and get *away* with it?” he brought the point of the knife up so that she could feel the menacing point digging into her chin.  

 

“Well, I’ve got plans for *you* Sami baby.”  He smiled nastily and lowered his knife, whipping off the buttons of her jacket one by one with the razor-sharp blade.

 

Sami closed her eyes, the abject terror suffusing her body almost freezing her to the spot.  This pier.  Alan.  He *raped* me.  God *no*, it was going to happen again.  He had a knife, and he was going to rape her and there was nothing she could do.

 

“Please,” she squeaked, “please don’t.”  Grant only laughed again. 

 

“So *now* we’re being polite huh Sami?  Maybe I should have tried this before.”  He held the knife up to her throat as he slid the jacket off her shoulders.  “Don’t worry Sami baby, you’ll *enjoy* it.”  He began to guide her toward the covered portion of the pier.

 

“No, I *won’t*,” Sami took advantage of his diverted attention and tried to tear herself away from his grip.  He was too strong though and he pulled her back in.

 

“*NO!* she screamed as she struggled with him, the knife flashing as it sliced perilously close to her. 

 “NOOOOO!”

******

 

John heard the screams from his vantage point a few hundred feet away and the father’s heart in him knew immediately that it was his little girl.  And that she was in terrible danger.

 

“*Samantha!*” he shouted as he dashed towards the pier.  “Samanthaaaaa!”

Chapter 73 – Enmity

Marlena lay on the bed in the darkened room and stared at the wall.  She had tried to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she was assaulted with images of John and Eugene and her eyes would flicker open, glistening with fresh pain.  She had never meant to hurt Gene.  She had never meant to hurt John for that matter, but in running away from her problems, she knew she had managed to hurt them both badly.

 

“What’s wrong with me?” she whispered, wiping a tear away with the back of her hand.  Was she really so out of touch with her own feelings that it took something like this to admit the truth to herself?

 

Her hand drifted downward and came to rest on her stomach.  A baby.  It should be such cause for joy, but with Kristen’s baby being due only three months before this one, she knew that simple mathematics declaimed that someone would miss out.  And John knew it all now.  He knew what Kristen had done, the lengths to which she had gone to keep them apart, and still he had chosen to take her back.  He was already father to Belle.  So why would this baby make any difference?

 

Marlena crossed her arms across her stomach, curling up in a protective ball.  But it wasn’t just the baby now, it wasn’t just a question of what had happened in the past.  It was a loss of trust on both of their parts.  It was a deep and unforgiving anger that kept them from moving past their mistakes.  It was the pain and the fear of more pain that muted them and kept them apart.  Marlena wasn’t sure how or even if they could ever get past that, even if all the obstacles in their path were removed.  Assuming they both wanted them removed.

 

And then there was Eugene.  Dear, sweet Gene, who had given her so much and asked for nothing in return.  Nothing except for a few weeks of happiness.  He had put everything on the line for her, risked everything.  And she had thrown it back in his face.

 

More tears merged with her lashes and then dripped silently onto her cheeks.  She remembered how she had felt that night.  He had saved her when she had just wanted to die.  When she had wanted to put her head down on the pillow and never wake up to the pain again.  

 

When things had been at their bleakest, he had held her, and he had told her he loved her.  He had given her the lifeline that she had needed.  The truth was, if he hadn’t been there for her, she didn’t know what she would have done.  She didn’t know how she would have made it through the loss, or even if she would have made it at all.

 

“Please,” she whispered hoarsely, “if you can hear me, please…… don’t punish him for my weakness.  Don’t ask him to pay for my mistakes.”  She tightened the arms that cradled her stomach.  “He didn’t know……. you don’t understand.  He *saved* me.  Please don’t make him suffer for that.”  She wiped away the tears and sighed. 

 

“He had a jolly good ol’ time saving you,” Marlena looked up in shock to find Q2 sitting on her sofa, a sardonic smirk on his face.  “If nothing else, he got a good workout.”

 

“You!”  She recognized the impertinent smile and shrank back slightly.  “What are you doing here?” 

 

“You seemed to want to talk to us,” he shrugged with an amused air.  “We thought it might be mildly interesting to hear what you have to say.”

 

“I don’t want you to hurt him,” she said immediately as she scrambled into a sitting position.

 

“What happens to Q isn’t really a matter for debate,” Q2 raised a wry eyebrow.  “What *you* want I’m afraid, is neither here nor there.”

 

“Then *why*?” she shot back immediately, her ire rising.  “*Why* if our relationship was so *forbidden* why didn’t you stop it?  You’re supposed to be the *omnipotent* ones.  All seeing and all knowing.  Why did you let us go on?  Why did you let him fall in love with me?”

 

“Because this was Q’s *test* dear Marlena,” Q2 let her name roll off his tongue with acidic relish.  “One, I might add, which he failed miserably.”

 

“But why did you let it go *on*?” she persisted, angered by his smug self-assurance.  “Why didn’t you just whisk him away at the first convenient opportunity?  Do you enjoy seeing him in pain?”

 

“Why doctor,” Q2 pushed himself up from the sofa and walked over to the bed.  “He didn’t seem to be in pain to me.  Rather to the contrary.”

 

Marlena pulled away as he posited himself on the edge of the bed.  However, the expression on his face gave her cause to stop.  She eyed him for a moment, unsure of what she saw.

 

“You *wanted* him to fail, didn’t you?” she declared in surprise.  “Why?  Why would you want that?”

 

Q2 merely smiled knowingly, apparently unfazed by her deduction.

 

“Well, it was nice talking with you Marlena,” he stood.  “We’ll take your thoughts into account.  Why don’t you tell Q we’ll be keeping a close eye on him.”  He winked at her.  “Congratulations by the way.”

 

With that he was gone, and the room was empty once more.  Marlena shivered as a cool breeze swept through the room.  Pulling a blanket around her, she slid off the bed.  She had to go and find Eugene.

******

“Samantha!”  John saw a flash of golden hair as the pier came into sight.  She was struggling with a man and John felt cold fear invade his gut.  “Samantha, I’m coming.”  

 

He took the steps two at a time, but by the time he hit the old wooden planks of the pier, Sami’s assailant held the knife to her throat.

 

“Don’t come any closer man,” his voice was guttural, and John saw the bleeding laceration on his cheek, apparently inflicted by Sami’s fingernails.  Sami herself had several scratches and already swelling bruises across her cheek and eye.  

 

John held his hands up and stepped to the side a little, hoping to draw the man into the light.   It worked and he shifted Sami slightly so that he could keep John plainly in view.

“John!” Sami blurted out before she felt the knife caress her throat again.

 

“Sami, baby, are you alright?” John asked carefully, realizing that this was the young man that Sami had dated, the friend of Austin’s.  Sami nodded voicelessly, the terror in her eyes communicating that she was anything but.  He stepped forward slightly.

 

“I said stay *back*!” Grant pulled Sami more tightly to him, the blade of his knife digging into the delicate flesh of her throat.  Sami gasped in pain, sending needles of fear through John.

 

“All right, all right.”  He held up his hands again as he stepped back.  “What’s your name pal?”

 

“I’m no *pal* of yours!” the young man returned viciously.  “And if you don’t want *baby* Sami here getting hurt, you’ll just stay out of this.”

 

“You’re right,” Sami watched John’s eyes narrow in anger and became suddenly cognizant of the anger and fear that her danger provoked in him.  “I *am* no pal of yours.  And if you so much as hurt one hair on Samantha’s head I *swear* I will kill you myself.”

 

“Big words,” Grant waved the knife around in front of Sami, “and whatchya gonna do to stop me?”

 

“Whatever I have to do,” John remained calm in the face of Grant’s increasing agitation.  “Just let her go man, and *nobody* will get hurt.”

 

Even though the knife was still at her throat and the terror still pervaded every sense, part of Sami admired John’s calmness and strength.  And part of her, her perceptions heightened by the adrenaline that surged through her, could see plainly his love for her and his fear for her safety.  And she took strength from it.

 

“Who are you trying to kid?” Grant’s eyes widened as he contemplated the other man.  “Who is this jerk, Sami?”  

 

Sami stared at John, her azure eyes seeking comfort and strength in his.

 

“He’s my….” she paused, seeing his love for her and she found the strength to smile.  “He’s my father,” she said quietly.

******

“Carrie?”  Austin poked his head into the bedroom, looking for his wife.  He had finally determined that today would be the day he told her the truth.  After the fight they had gotten into that morning, he had spent most of the day agonizing over what he should do.  He knew he couldn’t keep on hurting Carrie like this, and it seemed like the only option he had was to tell her what had happened.  She was going to find out sooner or later anyway.  

 

“Carrie?”  She wasn’t there.  She wasn’t anywhere at the apartment, and she wasn’t at work.  So where could she be?  He walked into the bedroom, his hand resting on his hip and pushing back his suit jacket.  The comforter on the bed had been disturbed slightly he noticed with bemusement, and there was Carrie’s suit on the floor.  So, she’d *been* here then.  

 

He stood in the middle of the room and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Where are you, Carrie?”  It was then that he turned and saw the piece of paper propped up against the mirror on the dresser.  It was a sheet of note paper folded in half, and he saw his name on it in Carrie’s handwriting.  With a sense of apprehension, he picked it up and flicked it open.

 

Dear Austin, he read silently, I have decided to go away for a while.  We both know this is not working and maybe this will give us the time and space we need to work out what we really want from this marriage.  Please don’t try and find me.  I do still love you, but I need to know that you are really committed to both our marriage vows and our child.  I hope by the time I return that you will have made a decision.  Carrie.

 

That was it.  Just her name.  No endearments, no begging him to understand.  She had just left and left the ball in his court.  

 

He dropped the note back onto the dresser and went and sat on the edge of the bed, his fingers rubbing the light stubble on his chin.  What was he going to do without her?

******

John felt his heart swell as he heard Sami’s words.  Even through the fear and the anxiety those words had the power to vanquish many demons.

 

“Your father?” Grant seemed confused.  “I thought your father was overseas?”

 

“The other one is yeah,” Sami smiled at the irony, never taking her eyes from John.  She had to take her cues from him if she wanted to get out of there in one piece.

 

“Your *other* one?” he seemed confused, and it apparently increased his anxiety as he moved Sami backward a little towards the other end of the pier.

 

“Yeah, that’s right,” John nodded, taking advantage of the chink in the man’s concentration.  “Sami has two dads that look out for her and take care of her.  Two dads that love her.”  Sami swallowed but continued to be aware of every movement Grant made.

 

“So, which one of you was married to her mom then?”  He raised his eyebrows.  “She’s pretty hot that mom of yours Sami baby.”

 

“I don’t think that’s relevant, do you?” John’s jaw twitched with well-hidden anger.  

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Grant shrugged insolently.  “Is she as good in bed as her little whore daughter here?”  

 

Sami gasped but John said nothing, knowing that the attacker was trying to bait him into making a move. 

 

“I didn’t,” she shook her head desperately, “I never…”

 

“It’s okay Samantha,” he held up his hand.  “He’s only trying to provoke us.  Don’t give him the satisfaction of reacting.”  Sami nodded her head, trying to relax as much as she could.

 

“Ha!  Smart guy huh?” Grant sneered.  “Never mind Johnny boy, I’ll send you a postcard and let you know how it was.  *Then* we can make comparisons.”

 

“You’re not going anywhere,” John’s voice was low and dangerous as he stepped forward.  

 

His eyes were focused on Sami’s, sending her an implicit message to be ready. 

 

Seeing his advance, Grant prepared to step back again, but his heel backed up against something.  He looked down to see a coil of rope and in that moment, when his attention was diverted, John made his move.  Stepping forward, he firmly gripped the arm that held the knife and with the other, he spun his daughter out of harm’s way.  

 

Grant immediately began to fight back, it quickly becoming obvious to Sami that he closely matched John in skill.  She backed up to the steps as the struggle continued, wheezing with shock.  Moments later, Grant wrenched his arm free and began to take swings at John.

 

“Get out of here Samantha!” John shouted.  But it was as though she was rooted to the spot, the toll the situation had exacted from her leaving her numb and shaking.  Grant took a swipe at John, slashing the soft leather of his jacket with the brutally sharp blade.  John jumped back, making sure he kept himself in between this maniac and Sami.

 

“Give it up man,” he advised.

 

“Yeah sure,” Grant laughed recklessly.  “I think I’ll pass on that thanks.”

 

“Your funeral, pal,” John shrugged. 

 

With that, he flicked out his foot and hooked it behind Grants ankle.  With a swift tug, he unbalanced the other man, sending him toppling to the ground.  He was on him immediately, sliding the loose knife away and wrenching Grant’s arms behind his back.  The young man yelled in pain as John bent his arms back reaching for the rope.  

 

“*That* is for hurting my baby,” John hissed furiously before he looped the rope tightly around Grant’s wrists.  “And you’d better *pray* they put you away, because if I ever see you near any of my family *ever* ever again, I *will* kill you.”

 

Grant said nothing, just grunted as the cold and splintered wood dug into his face.  John tied the rope tightly and then looped it around his feet, trussing him so there was no hope of escape.  Then he stood and beckoned to Sami.  With her eyes wide, and staring blankly at her now subdued attacker, she neared John.  Pulling her into his arms, he wrapped them tightly around her shaking frame as she began to sob. 

******

The blanket dragged behind Marlena as she crept down the stairs.  Gene was asleep on the sofa, and she crouched down beside him.  She reached out to brush the hair from his face but pulled her hand back as he stirred.  She watched him for a moment and then stood up, folding the blanket into the crook of her arms as she crossed them.

 

Frowning, she made her way into the kitchen and made herself a weak mug of chamomile tea.  When she came back out, Eugene was still asleep.  Just looking at his peaceful face brought back all the memories of the previous weeks, the nights spent together and the mornings she woke in his arms.  It hadn’t been a lie and she had loved making him happy.  But in doing so, she had given him something only to take it away again.  Wasn’t that just what she had accused John of doing?  

 

She had been so angry at him, so hurt and betrayed by his continuing refusal to fight for their relationship.  She hadn’t understood how he could not see.  Until she had refused to see herself.  Instead of fighting for John, she had turned to someone else to ease the pain.  So where was her high moral ground now?

 

She sighed and shook her head.  It wasn’t that simple of course but whatever the cause, the outcome was much the same.  John was still with Kristen.  He would be with Kristen whether she had made her mistakes or not.  It seemed that was where he wanted, or at least felt he should be now.  What right did she have to walk into that relationship and break it up?

 

She took a sip of her tea and sat down.  The truth was her thoughts were so jumbled that she had no idea what to do.  She was so weighed down with guilt and self-recrimination that she was unsure that she could make any kind of lasting decision anyway.

 

She froze as Eugene stirred and managed a smile as his eyes fluttered open. 

 

“Hi there,” her heart ached as she saw the bleariness of his eyes.  He had been crying.

 

“Hi,” his voice was hoarse, and he seemed a little disoriented.

 

“I had a visit from your friend,” she said quietly as she put the mug down on the table.

 

“My friend?”  Q pushed himself into a sitting position.

 

“Your Q friend,” Marlena raised her eyebrows, “he told me to tell you they’ll be keeping a close eye on you.”

 

“He did?”  Q looked positively amazed.

 

“Mmmm-hmmmm,” she nodded carefully.  “There was something else too.”

 

“What?”  he was suddenly not sure he liked the idea of Q2 being in the same room as Marlena, alone.

 

“I know it may sound odd, but I got the impression that they, the Q, is that what you call them?” Gene nodded.  “Well, I think they *wanted* you to fail.  I don’t know why but I think they expected for this, for *us* to happen.”

 

Q gave her a rueful smile.

 

“Somehow I don’t think so Marlena.”  Marlena looked at him defiantly.

 

“I told you it sounded odd, but I know what I saw.”

 

“You’ll see what they want you to see.”  His tone was even but it held a certain grimness.  “Believe me bab-…” he cut himself off, knowing he could not afford to be affectionate with her now.  He had to take their relationship back to where it had once been, as difficult as that may be.  “Believe me Marlena, they have a certain amount invested in this.  They don’t want me to fail.”  Marlena pursed her lips and shrugged.

 

“I guess you know them better than I do,” she paused and then smiled, almost shyly. “You were right.  I think it will be okay.”

 

Gene smiled and nodded his head, but deep down, he wasn’t so sure.  The Q were nothing if unpredictable.

 

“Marlena,” he started uncertainly, “I think you need to tell John about the baby.  He needs to know.”  He saw her blanche and became concerned.  “What is it?”  Marlena pressed her lips together.

 

“I tried to tell him already,” she said in a small voice.  

 

“Today?” Q suddenly remembered Q2’s assertion of a fight between John and Marlena.

 

Marlena nodded numbly.

 

“A soon as the doctor confirmed it.  I went over to the loft to tell him.”  She shivered and pulled the blanket even closer.  She looked miserable as she continued with her explanation.  “He didn’t even give me a chance to say anything.  He launched straight into telling me he knew about *you* and me.”   She pressed her lips together trying to regain her composure.  She was still unnerved by John’s revelations, and she wasn’t sure how Eugene would take them either.  “John said he *saw* us.”  She shook her head, tears threatening.  She wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  

 

“He what?” Q looked horrified.  If that was true, then this situation was even more messed up and painful than he had thought.  Marlena sighed and brushed at her cheeks with her fingers.

“He came here one night and let himself in because it was late.  Apparently, he found us, in bed together.”  Her voice was low and thready, and she shook her head forlornly. 

 

“What have I done Gene?  What have I done to us all?”

******

John fished his cell phone out of his pocket as he held the shaking Sami to him.  He dialed 911 and asked for the police to come down to the pier.  Then, flipping the small device shut, he looked down at Sami. 

 

“How are you doing, sweetheart?”

 

“Okay,” her tremulous voice was muffled against his torn jacket.

 

“That’s my girl,” John allowed himself a small smile.  “I knew you had it in you.” He lifted her chin so that he could see her eyes.  “I am *so* proud of you Samantha.  You were brave and you were cool and collected….” he smiled.

 

“You weren’t so bad yourself,” Sami kidded weakly.

 

“Hey, being an ex-cop comes in handy from time to time,” John winked at her.  

 

Suddenly Sami felt very lucky and very blessed.  She had been so horrible to John, and here he was, still wanting to help her and still loving her.  

 

“Thanks, John,” she said quietly.

 

“Thanks?” he raised his eyebrows in surprise.  “For what?”

 

“For….” she managed a small grin, “for rescuing me.”

 

“Hey,” he gave her a patented John Black look.  “I wasn’t about to walk away from a damsel in distress.  Besides,” he smiled softly and tapped her nose with his finger, “what else is a father gonna do huh?”  

 

She shook her head, a small smile on her face and John reached up with his index finger to wipe away the blood on Sami’s cheek.  She flinched and he frowned.

 

“I think maybe we should have someone take a look at that.”

 

“No,” Sami shook her head wearily, “it’s not bad, he hardly touched me, it’s just a scratch.”  John looked unconvinced but he felt her begin to shiver again and he locked his arms more tightly around her.

 

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you again, baby,” he murmured as she buried her face in his warm jacket. 

 

It was only minutes before the first squad car arrived, with Abe Carver only moments behind.  He was shocked to see the scene down on the pier.  The officers, who were busy cuffing Grant, filled him in on the facts of the situation before he went over to the pair at the end of the old jetty.

 

“John, Sami, are you both all right?” he took in the bruising and scratches on the pier and shook his head.

 

“We’re fine Abe,” John sounded remarkably cheerful, considering everything he’d been through.  “I want you to book that bastard though and find everything you can to keep him in there.”

 

“We will,” Abe nodded.  “Thank God you came by when you did John.”

 

“I think we’re all thanking God Abe,” John said in a low voice.  “Now, do you think I can take Sami somewhere warm?  I think she’s been through enough without keeping her standing out in this cold all night.”

 

“Sure.” Abe nodded.  “Just let us know where you’re going.  I’ll stop by later after we take this scum back to the station.  I have to get your preliminary statements.”

 

“Where do you want to go Sami, baby?” John asked gently.  

 

“The pub,” it was almost a moan.  She wanted, no, she needed to see her son.

 

“Okay,” Abe’s chocolate eyes were filled with concern as he watched John lead a still shaking Sami away.  Shaking his head, he turned back to see his officers leading Sami’s attacker away.  If he had anything to say about it, that creep was going to make a prison cell his home for a long, long time.

******

“Oh Marlena,” Q sighed.  “We’ve all made mistakes.  You can’t just blame yourself for what’s happened.”

 

“But I *do* blame myself,” she sounded angry.  

 

“And that’s your problem,” Eugene couldn’t contain his irritation.  “You’re so ready to submit to that martyr complex you’ve built for yourself that you can’t see past the guilt.  And that guilt keeps you fettered to the mistakes of the past.  You spend far *too* much time blaming yourself for things you can’t change Marlena, and not enough time and effort changing those things you *can* change.”

 

Marlena opened her mouth to speak, but she was too stunned by Gene’s outburst to know what to say.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he shook his head, feeling terrible.  “I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“No,” she spoke slowly, surprise dawning in her eyes.  “You should have said it.  Because you’re right.”

 

It was at that moment that the telephone reverberated with an electronic trill.  Marlena sighed and picked it up. Several sentences into the conversation, her face paled.  Finally, she hung up the phone and turned to Q.

 

“It’s Sami,” Her eyes were wide with fear and the ball of fear had returned to the pit of her stomach filling her with an icy dread.  “I have to get over to the pub.”

Chapter 74  – Repercussions

When Marlena and Q entered the Brady pub, they saw the group by the bar, both of them immediately noting John’s presence.  Marlena took a deep breath, trying to calm her hammering heart and stepped forward.

 

“Sami?”  The young woman had her back to her mother but there was no mistaking the concern in Marlena’s voice.  “Sami honey, your Granma called me.  Are you all right?”  Sami turned around slowly and fixed Marlena with a cold stare.

 

“I’m fine,” she answered tersely.  “Not that I know why you care.”

 

“Samantha,” John’s voice was low, but it held a warning.  He didn’t want this to come between Marlena and Sami too, they had already hurt each other too much.

 

“Sami!”  Marlena was as shocked at the cold reception as she was at the scratches and bruises on Sami’s face.  She looked from Caroline to John in confusion.  “Sami, of course I care.”

 

“Do you?” Sami’s voice echoed the bitterness in her eyes as she deliberately flouted John’s implied admonition.  “Then why weren’t you there when I really needed you Mom?  Why were you off living it up with your new *boyfriend*.”  Her eyes flicked scornfully to Eugene, standing behind Marlena.

 

“Sami,” Caroline attempted to smooth out the tension.

 

“*No* Granma.”  Sami’s cold blue eyes flashed with an icy brilliance.  “I’m not going to apologize.  As usual, when I called my mother when all this was going on, she was *unavailable*.  Like she always is.  She always professes her love and her devotion, but when the chips fall, she’s nowhere to be found.”

 

“Sami…I,” Marlena felt the old familiar wrenching pain as Sami flung all her bitterness and betrayal at her.

 

“No, *save* it Mom.  I don’t want to hear the excuses *or* the apologies, okay?”  Tears welled up in her eyes.  “I’m tired of it.  I’m tired of coming second in your life to everyone else.”  She slid off her barstool and ran from the room.

 

Marlena started after her, but John stepped in front of her blocking her way.

 

“Let her go Marlena.  She’s been through a very rough ordeal.”

 

“That’s why I want to go to her John,” Marlena said impatiently as she looked at the doorway.  John shook his head in frustration.

 

“She doesn’t want your help at the moment.  You can’t force her to take it.”  His face softened as he saw the pain in Marlena’s eyes.  “Give her a couple of days.  She’ll come round.”

 

“Will she?”  Marlena looked up at John.  “Somehow I don’t think….”

 

It was then that she saw the scratches on John’s own face, and she realized that he had been involved.

“John?” she reached out a tentative hand to his face.  “John, were you there?”  

 

John didn’t answer, mesmerized by the way her hazel eyes shone with golden flecks.  He could feel the adrenaline surging through him and yet, he couldn’t move.  His skin tingled as though alive with fire where her fingers skittered across it.  The tension was so fierce it was palpable and almost painful.

 

“It was John that saved Sami from the attacker, Marlena,” Caroline answered for John, breaking the endless moment.

 

“You saved my baby girl?” her voice was almost a whisper as she found herself staring into his endless cerulean eyes.

 

“I think of her as a daughter too,” John’s voice was forced and Marlena saw the muscle in his cheek twitch, an indication of how uncomfortable he was.

 

“Thank you,” she offered quietly, the effect of his closeness only serving to knot her stomach more and to strip her of the words that could express the turmoil of emotions she felt.

 

And still, her eyes communicated everything that needed to be said.  John could have fallen in love with those eyes alone.  But right now, the main effect they had on him was to remind him of how his captured heart had been broken. And her gentleness and concern were too much for him, too at odds with how his mind told him she should be behaving, so with brusqueness, he pushed her hand aside as he turned and left the room.  Tears filled Marlena’s eyes as she watched him exit through the same door as her daughter.  Folding one arm across her front, she covered her eyes with the other hand and let out a wretched sob.

 

Eugene was behind her almost immediately and she turned to bury her face in his comforting shoulder as Shawn and Caroline watched bewilderedly.  Caroline shook her head as she considered them.  This was becoming all too reminiscent of a similar situation a little over four years ago.  One in which Marlena lost a man she loved very deeply.  Roman.  

 

Caroline hoped that this time history wouldn’t repeat itself.

******

The sun was high in the autumnal sky as Eric Roman Brady walked up to the convalescent home, his mood surprisingly nervous.  He had never expected his search to lead him here, but with the information that Shane Donovan had given him he had finally managed to trace the lead to this place.  Manly, in Sydney, Australia.  

 

It was a search that had taken him almost around the globe in the last few months.  And now it was possible that the search almost over.  He stared at the heavy plate glass doors, with some degree of expectation.

 

“Here goes nothing,” he muttered as he stepped through.

 

The reception was immediately in front of the doors and a pretty brunette nurse looked up as Eric neared the counter.

“Yes, can I help you?” she asked, the twangy accent novel to Eric’s ears.

“Hi, ah…” he looked at her name tag, “Helen, I’m here to visit a patient I believe is here,” he said, his own inflection sounding distinctly out of place.  “A Mr. Minelli?”

 

The nurse looked mildly surprised.

 

“We have a Mr. Minelli.  He doesn’t usually get a lot of visitors though.”

 

“Well, I’d like to see him if that’s possible.”  He smiled at the nurse, something that, along with his long-lashed blue eyes seemed to grease many a door.  This nurse seemed no exception as her cheeks reddened.

 

“Of course it’s possible,” she grinned flirtily.  “C’mon, I’ll take you to him.”

 

Eric followed her down the corridor to a room that was almost hidden off the end of the colonnade.  The nurse stopped before the doorway and turned back to Eric.  

 

“He’s in here,” she spoke quietly.  “You’d better be aware that he’s not exactly full of the joys of spring.  So, to speak.”

 

“That’s okay,” Eric nodded with a slight smile.  “I think I’ll be able to handle him.”  He held out his hand “Thanks for your help.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Helen smiled as she took the extended hand.  

 

Eric shook her hand and then grinned as he watched her walk away.  Pity she lived so far away, she was cute.

 

Turning his attention back to the door he took a deep breath and then entered the room.  The man sitting in front of the window turned to regard his visitor, but as he did, a look of astonishment crossed his face.

 

Eric grinned widely as he pulled up a chair.

 

“Hi Dad, how are ya?”

 

******

“Hey Sami girl.”  John walked to where Sami had her head bowed on the kitchen table.  He sat down beside her quietly and just waited.  Eventually, she raised her head.

 

“Why do you always do it Sami?” he asked quietly.

 

“Do what?”  Sami’s reply was enunciated in a vehement burst.

“You attack your mother before she has a chance to get through your defenses.”  He looked at the young woman speculatively.  “She doesn’t deserve the treatment you mete out to her you know.”

 

“How can you say that?” Sami demanded, “After what she has done to you?”

 

“This isn’t about me.”  John sighed.  “It isn’t even about Marlena and me, not anymore.”  He shook his head.  “She loves you so much Samantha and you keep pushing her away.”  He shrugged; his eyes red with fatigue.  “Why?”

 

“My relationship with my mother isn’t any of your business,” Sami’s manner had suddenly become glacial and she pushed away from the table.

 

“*Wait*.” John caught her wrist before she could stand.  “You’ve walked away from me too many times before Sami.  I’m not going to let it happen again.”

 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Sami shook her head as she stared him down, the intensity of her aegean blue eyes matching his.

 

“You know *exactly* what I mean,” John said firmly.  “Earlier on tonight you were calling me your father and now you can’t wait to get away from me.  The moment we start getting anywhere close to discussing how you’re feeling Sami, you run away.”

 

“I was scared,” Sami shrugged off his words and pulled her hand from his.  “I didn’t mean anything by it and if you think I’m staying around here to listen to another lecture, you’re sadly mistaken.”

 

“You and I both know that wasn’t something you said just for the hell of it,” John said firmly.  “Now, this has gone on for too long.  Far too long, and I’m not about to let it go on any longer.”  He pointed to the seat.  “Now I want you to sit down, and I want you to tell me what is going on.”

******

Marlena’s eyes were glazed as she walked into the apartment.  Gene entered behind her and switched off the alarm as she sank down onto the sofa.  She said nothing, just stared miserably at the table for a moment before she pulled her feet up onto the cushions and curled up on her side.  

 

He felt a twinge of pain as he watched her, knowing there was nothing he could do to help.  His only recourse to making her smile had been snatched from him and he felt incredibly lost.  He couldn’t even imagine how she must feel.

 

With a frown marring his face, he went to her and kneeled on the floor beside the sofa.  He took her hand in his, her fingers icy beneath his own.

 

“Sweetheart, you need to go and talk to him,” he encouraged gently.  “Even a fool could see how much he loves you.  Even a fool like me.”  Marlena closed her eyes, her teeth digging into her lower lip, driving the blood from the sensitive flesh.  “Marlena don’t punish yourself like this.  Go and talk to him and tell him about the baby.  I think you might find that it makes a lot of difference.”  Still there was silence, a dragging, excruciating silence.

 

“Baby, talk to me,” he entreated in almost a whisper.   “Please.”

 

 Finally, she opened her reddened eyes, the tears splashing through dark lashes onto her pale skin.

 

“I can’t,” she shook her head disconsolately as her hoarse voice split the silence.

 

“You can’t talk to me?”  He felt her hand tense in his and she shook her head.

 

“I can’t talk to John.”  She pressed the back of her fingers to her mouth as she fought the denied tears.  “I can’t put myself through that again, I just *can’t*.”

 

“But Marlena,” he tried to reason with her to no avail.

 

“He made his choice a long time ago and he chose *Kristen*, not me.”  Her expression hardened as the words sank in.  “I just have to learn to accept that that’s all.”

 

“But sweetheart, you’re not being logical….”

 

“*Logical*?” she interrupted him; the amazement written on her face.  “Do you have *any* idea how much it hurts?”  Her pain was finally bubbling to the surface unfettered by the denial she had held onto for so long.  “Do you *know* how much this has cost me?  I’ve lost my happiness; I’ve lost all hope of ever having a family for Belle and Brady.  I’ve lost almost *everyone* I ever loved.  For *what*?”  She looked at him bitterly.  “To see *him* in Kristen DiMera’s arms, that’s what.”  

 

She pushed him away and sat up on the couch, her grief translating into pure anger.  “Well, I am *damned* if I am going to lose any more of my self-respect over John Black.  So, you can just forget it.  I am not going to see him.  Not now, not *ever*.”

 

With that she stood and ran for the stairs, talking two at a time until she reached the landing.  Gene watched her slam her bedroom door behind her.  Wearily he sighed.  Yes, he had some idea of how much it hurt.  He had a pretty good idea actually.

******

“Eric?” Roman Augustus Brady looked at Eric in complete shock.  His son had been the last person he had expected to see in this place.  In fact, he hadn’t even spoken to his children or the rest of his family for more than two years.  He was halfway surprised that the I.S.A hadn’t told them that he had been killed.  That *was* their style after all.

 

“Yup, in the flesh,” Eric leaned over and hugged Roman before he turned the chair round and straddled it.  “How are you Dad?”

 

“I….” Roman shook his head, unexpected tears filling his eyes as he regarded his grown-up son before him.  “How did you find me?”

 

“It wasn’t easy.”  Eric admitted as he shook his head.  “The I.S.A wouldn’t give me *any* information at all.  All they would say was that you couldn’t be contacted.” He frowned angrily.  “Eventually I went to Uncle Shane’s in London, and he filled in some of the missing pieces for me.  And with Andrew’s help, we tapped into some computer records….” he grinned, “that cousin of mine is quite something on a computer you know.  Anyway, all the searches led here, so I thought I should come and check it out for myself.  And here you are.”

 

Roman looked somber as he nodded.

 

“Here I am,” he repeated, and Eric noticed the slight slur in his voice.  It wasn’t the only thing he noticed.  Roman looked older and his face had a gauntness that Eric had never seen.  A cane rested next to his chair, and the only decoration in the spartan room was a single tattered photograph that resided in a frame on the bedside unit.  It was one of them all as a family.  One before their family had been torn apart.

 

“How long have you been here Dad?” Eric’s expression became serious.  “And what happened that you need to be here?”

 

“I don’t know how long I’ve been here,” Roman shook his head tiredly as he regarded his son.  In many ways, he had been dreading this day.  “I lost track of time for a while.  I guess it’s been somewhere between eighteen months and two years.”  Eric swallowed deeply, the news coming to him as a shock.  “As to *why*,” Roman sighed, “It’s a long story Eric.”

 

“I’ve got plenty of time,” Eric raised his eyebrows and folded his arms across the top of the chair back.

******

Sami sat down in the chair sulkily and crossed her arms in front of her.

 

“Nothing is going on.”

 

“Come off it, Samantha.”  John was tired but he wasn’t about to let this go once again.  “I’m not stupid.  Your manner towards me totally changed once we started talking about your mother.  Now this has been going on for years.  I understand that you were hurt by what happened, but I don’t think that our affair is all that you are holding against us.  I think if that was all it was you would have gotten over that a long time ago.”

 

“Oh, you do, do you?” Sami leaned back in her chair, her arms forming a rigid barrier in front of her.

 

“Yes, I do,” John nodded, unfazed by her obviously patronizing manner.  “What was it Sami?  What was it that I did that hurt you so much?  What is it that you can’t forgive me for?”

 

“You know what you did,” Sami spat back.

 

“No, I *don’t*,” John said deliberately.  “Tell me.”

 

“You broke up my family,” Sami had her answer down pat.  “You betrayed my father and you drove him away.  You expect me to thank you for that?”

 

“No,” John shook his head.  “There’s more than that.”  His eyes narrowed.  “You called me your father tonight.  *We* were a family once Sami.  I was your Daddy and I *loved* you.  And you and Eric loved me.  So why do you *hate* me so much now?”

 

His words struck a chord in Sami and for a moment, she couldn’t find the words she needed, the words that would ward off that old, familiar pain.  Instead, she sat and stared at John, her pursed lips trembling as she tried furiously to blink back the traitorous tears

*******

 

“When I left Salem, I went to Washington to work on an anti-terrorist case,” Roman began, a pained expression on his fase.  “Probably the worst decision I ever made, but it’s not something I can change, is it?”  He paused, considering his words carefully.  “It was around Christmas of that year that the I.S.A offered me an assignment infiltrating a terrorist base in the Middle East, near the border of Afghanistan.  They told me it would be dangerous, I guess at that point I didn’t really care a whole lot, so I accepted it.” A look of anger panned across his face.  “What they failed to tell me was that it was a trap.  They knew that but they sent three of us in anyway.  We were the dummies, or the decoys if you will.  They were waiting for us.  They just weren’t waiting for the commandos that came in a few hours later.”  He sighed as he shifted in his chair.  “But by then it was too late for my two comrades.  They were dead.  And I was as good as.  They shot me in the head, the doctors tell me that the bullet lodged in my skull, putting pressure on my brain.  I don’t remember much after that for quite a long time,” he looked at Eric, his brown eyes sorrowful. “They tell me I almost died several times. The injuries affected a part of my brain that controls motor functions.  I had to struggle to do everything.  Eat, walk and talk,” he shook his head, “I learnt how much we take for granted.”

 

“Hell Dad, God, I had no idea.”  Eric was stunned.  He had been concerned about his father’s lack of contact, but he hadn’t expected this.  “Why didn’t you let us know?  Or why didn’t the ISA at least let Granma and Granpa know?”

 

“The ISA didn’t want *anybody* to know,” Roman said bitterly.  “I’m sure they hadn’t expected one of their human sacrifices to come out alive.  I was a liability to them.  The last thing they wanted, I’m sure the last thing they still want is for my family to find me.”  His eyes softened.  “As for me, I wasn’t in any state to call for a long time and anyway, you all have your lives.  You didn’t need to be burdened with me.”

 

“You’re hardly a *burden* Dad,” Eric shook his head.  “My God, I can’t believe this.  So, the ISA were just leaving you over here and consigning you to oblivion?”

 

“That pretty much covers it,” Roman nodded bitterly.  “Oh, they paid for all my medical treatment, but they have certainly haven’t been in any hurry to get me home.”

 

“We’ve tried to get hold of you ever since you left,” Eric said slowly, all the pieces finally coming together.  “The ISA always told us you were too far undercover for us to contact you directly, or for you to contact us.  They said they would pass on the letters though…” his voice faded out.

 

“Letters?” Roman repeated quietly.  He shook his head, his heart suddenly very heavy.  “They lied to you son.  I never got any of your letters.”

 

“*None* of them?” Eric shook his head the utter unfairness of the situation being hammered home more with every passing minute.  “You don’t have any idea what’s happened to any of us since you left?”

 

“No,” Roman shook his head.  “The ISA fed me the policy line – that everything was fine with my family.  I didn’t believe them, but I had no other avenue to find out how you were.  I just had to accept that everything was okay just as they said.”  

 

He looked up at Eric and noticed that the young man had paled.  “What is it Eric?  Everything *is* okay, isn’t it?”  Eric nodded unsure how much of the truth Roman would be able to handle right now.  The shock of seeing his son seemed to be wearing enough.  

 

“It’s not perfect Dad, but it’s been worse.”

 

“Worse?” Roman sat back in his chair.  “What do you mean worse?”

 

“Whatever he means, it can wait until tomorrow,” a feminine voice interrupted from the doorway.  Both men turned to see Helen standing in the doorway.  “The doctors are about to start their rounds and they might not be too thrilled to see *you* in here.”  She raised her eyebrows in Eric’s direction.  “If you go now, you’ll be able to come back tomorrow when Mr. Minelli is a little stronger.”

 

Eric turned to Roman.

 

“Will you be okay Dad?”

 

“Sure,” Roman acceded.  “She’s right.  The doctors here are in the ISA’s pocket.  They won’t want to see you here anymore than Tarrington or any other of the ISA hierarchy would.”

 

“Okay, then I’ll be back in the morning,” Eric nodded.  He stood up and leaning over he hugged Roman.  “I missed you Dad,” he whispered.

 

“I missed you too son,” Roman replied softly as he watched Eric walk out with the nurse.

 

Outside the room Eric looked at Helen speculatively.

 

“So, he’s your dad huh?” she seemed surprised.

 

“Yeah,” Eric said slowly, realizing that it was entirely possible that Helen might be able to furnish him with information about Roman’s condition and prognosis.  “Listen, when do you get off work?  I want to buy you a cup of coffee.”

******

John waited as Sami remained stubbornly silent.  He watched the warring emotions as they flickered across her face, and she stared back at him defiantly.

 

“What was it, Samantha?” he asked again when he finally couldn’t take her daunting impassivity any longer.  “What did I do that was *so* terrible?”  His voice softened again as he drifted back in time.  “You know, I tried to be the best father I could when I thought I was your daddy.  And then when I found out that I wasn’t, well I tried to make it as easy as I could for you and Eric….” he lapsed into silence.

 

Sami blinked rapidly as she faced him, trying to keep the anger and long hidden pain in check.

“Easy?” she repeated incredulously.  John frowned, not sure if he understood her question, or the implicit answer.

 

“Roman wanted his family back Sami.  I tried to make it as painless as I could for everybody.”

 

Sami felt a keen pain rip through her like a live current.  Did he really believe that walking away from them all had prevented the pain?  She opened her mouth but then closed it again.  She wouldn’t let him see.  She couldn’t let him get close again.  She couldn’t risk that.

 

“What is it Sami baby?  What do you want to tell me sweetheart?” John pressed her, knowing that she was close to breaking point.

 

“Don’t *call* me that.” she hissed through clenched teeth, her eyes burning, as she pushed away from the table and stood up.

 

“*Don’t* run away Samantha.  I won’t let you do it again.  I want you to tell me what has you so upset.”  He took a deep breath.  “It has to do with all those years ago, doesn’t it sweetheart?”

 

Sami spun round, her golden hair flying.

 

“You want to know?  You *really* want to know?” she asked angrily.  However, she continued without waiting for his answer.  “Well, I’ll tell you.  *Painless*?  When you walked away from us it might have been painless for you, but it broke *our* hearts.  Do you have any idea what it feels like when the man you’ve called daddy for most of your life decides he doesn’t want you anymore?”

 

“Sami that’s not how it was…” John shook his head.

 

“Well, that’s what it *felt* like to me.” Sami’s clenched fists shook with long concealed rage.  “One day everything was fine and the next you left us to the care of two almost complete strangers.  And then you married Isabella and you replaced us with *Brady*.  How on earth did you expect me to feel?”

 

“Sami,” John shook his head, “your father had been through so much.  I couldn’t keep him from you any longer.”

 

“I know that now,” Sami shook her head, the tears beginning to drip onto her pale, rounded cheeks.  

 

“But you didn’t even stop by to say hello.  You just abandoned us.  We thought that we had done something wrong and that you didn’t love us anymore.”  Her fists clenched again as she took another shot.  “You were a coward, and you ran away because it hurt too much.  But you never stopped to think that we might be hurting too.”

 

“Oh baby,” John shook his head, his own eyes brimming.  She reminded him so much of her mother right now that it was eerie.  “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the last few years, but none I regret as much as that.  You’re right.  I *never* should have walked away from you.  I should have fought for you all.  We used to be a family.   I should have remembered that.”  He bit his lower lip for a moment, the physical pain distracting him from the deeper, emotional wounds.  Then he found the words he was searching for.  “But you have to understand Sami, that I was doing what I thought was right for all of you, and for Isabella.  It was never what I *wanted* to do.  I never *wanted* to leave you kids.  I just felt as though the choice had been taken away from me.  And I *never* stopped loving you.” He shook his head to emphasize his words.  “Never *ever*.  I never will.”

 

Sami said nothing, just stared at him as the tears dripped from her jaw, but her heart pounded madly as she heard the words she had never expected to hear from him.

 

“Sweetheart, I made a mistake and I hurt you very badly.  I am sorrier for that than you’ll ever know.  If I could change it, I would.  But it’s a fact that we *can’t* change the past.”  He stood up and walked to where she stood.  She looked up at him with huge blue eyes as he spoke.  “But I really want to make it up to you.  To all of you.”  He reached out and brushed a cascade of flaxen hair behind her shoulder.  “Do you think that it’s possible that you could one day forgive me for what I’ve done?” He tried a small smile and was encouraged by the twitch of Sami’s lips.  

 

“I don’t know,” she said in a small voice, which faded into a whisper. “Maybe….”

 

“I *want* my baby back,” he whispered.  “But most of all I just want you to be happy, so where we go from here is entirely up to you.”  Reaching out with tentative fingers, he used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the tears that still lingered beneath her dark lashes.

 

Sami sniffed and then smiled shyly.  It was odd, it wasn’t something she had expected at all, but somehow telling John her feelings had proved a cathartic release.  And his admittance of his mistake had in a way given her validation for the feelings she had kept a guilty secret for so long.

 

In grieving John’s departure from the family, she had come in time to feel that she had somehow betrayed her real father and she had taken that out on John.  Now, at last, it was time to lay those old demons to rest, to forgive, to forget and finally, to move on.

 

“I don’t know where we go,” she answered quietly.  “But this seems like a pretty good place to start.”  Standing on tiptoe she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.  Slowly and carefully, John folded his arms around her, a peaceful smile finally settling on his lips.

 

This was a very good place to start…..

Chapter 75  – Line Call

John knocked at the Sawn and Caroline Brady’s back door and waited patiently.  Finally, Sami opened the door with a heartfelt yawn.

 

“Hey kiddo,” John dropped a kiss on the top of the head and entered the house.  “Sleep well?”

 

“How the hell can you be that cheerful?” Sami asked, her eyes bleary.  “You must have gotten even less sleep last night than *I* did.”

 

They had spent much of the night talking in Shawn and Caroline’s kitchen.  Abe had stopped by some time in the evening to take statements from both of them, but afterward they had continued their conversation.  In some ways, it had been a new beginning for both of them.  After so many years of hiding from the truth, it seemed like revealing their feelings had unleashed a torrent of previously undeclared feelings and emotions.  There had been a few fraught moments, blame taken and shared on both sides, but in doing so, Sami and John had forged a new relationship.  One based on mutual understanding, respect, and love.

 

But still it seemed, there was one topic that they could not, or would not broach.  Marlena.  They had danced around talk of her in the long hours of discussions, neither of them sure enough of their own feelings to come to any sort of agreement.   And so, the question of Marlena was avoided, both unwilling to risk the fragile but growing bond between them in order to approach a subject which felt like dangerous territory.

 

But still, it had been almost two in the morning before John had bid Sami farewell and Sami had wandered wearily up to bed, her mind spinning with the day’s events.  She had lain in bed for almost an hour, trying to quell the shock that had finally set in after the horrific events of earlier in the day.  Finally, she had drifted into a troubled sleep, visions of Grant and Alan disturbing any hope of a decent rest.

 

For his part, John had made it home to find Kristen fast asleep in his bed.  He had quietly closed the door and had made his way to Brady’s room, laying down on his son’s empty bed.  He had stared at the ceiling for a while, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips.  He had the feeling that for once, even with everything that was screwed up in his life, he had actually done something right.  He had made an impact; he had communicated with Sami and he felt as though he were on the way to finally mending that fractured relationship.  By contrast with Sami, he had fallen into a heavy and dreamless sleep quite easily.

 

Even the fact that a caustic Kristen had woken him hadn’t dimmed his spirits, and the succeeding call from Abe had only increased his good humor.  He had left the loft citing that he had business, not even giving Kristen the chance to ask where he was going. The last thing he wanted was her tagging along, and he knew she would, given even half a chance. 

 

“Do you want some coffee?” Sami asked as she pulled the terrycloth robe more tightly around her, tightening the sash.

 

“Sure, thanks sweetheart.”  He watched her fill the percolator and switch it on.  Finally, he couldn’t stay quiet any longer.  “Abe called me this morning Sami, I have good news.”  He had a sparkle in his eye that Sami hadn’t seen for quite some time and she found herself strangely moved by the thought that maybe she that had put it there.

 

“What is it?” she sat down at the kitchen table, running her fingers through her flaxen hair and sweeping it from her forehead.

 

“They’ve been in contact with the Boston police.  It turns out that *friend* of Austin’s is wanted for questioning in connection with the deaths of two policemen there.”  He raised an eyebrow.  

 

“Apparently they ran the story in a local paper here a few weeks ago.”

 

Sami said nothing for a moment, but her eyes widened as she absorbed the information.

 

“They think….?”  John nodded.

 

“He was going by the name of Whitman in Boston, but it seems as if they have a pretty good case against him.  There’s no way he’s going to walk free Sami.”

 

A slow smile blossomed across Sami’s face.

 

“He won’t get out?”

 

“I very much doubt that they’ll even set bail.  There’s no end to the list of this guy’s suspected crimes.  And they’re only the ones the cops know about.”  John winked at her.  “Make you feel a bit better?”

 

“Oh,” Sami shook her head with a light laugh.  “You have no *idea* how much.”

******

Marlena stopped halfway down the stairs as another wave of nausea overcame her.  Now that she knew what it was, she couldn’t believe she hadn’t realized sooner.  It felt just like the morning sickness she had had with Belle, only this time it had come a little later in the piece.  She only hoped that didn’t signal the fact that it was going to hang around for the rest of her pregnancy.   Leaning on the banister, she sat down on the step, waiting for the queasiness to pass.

 

She was still having trouble even getting her mind around the fact that she was going to be a mother again, without having to deal with the symptoms of pregnancy on the top of that.  The emotional strain of the week had taken its toll and she felt completely washed out and devoid of any spark of energy.  The episode with Sami had just been the last straw.  She had gone to bed and her hormones getting the better of her, she had cried herself to sleep.  Waking up in an empty bed had only served as a painful reminder of the situation she was now facing.

 

Leaning against the banister, she let her mind drift back over the last few months, to the night she and John had made love.  The night that she thought her life had finally come together.  If only she had know….   She shook her head.  If she had the chance, she would do it all over again she couldn’t deny that.  Only this time she wouldn’t let John’s doubts drive her away.  She wouldn’t make the same mistakes; she wouldn’t keep hurting the people she loved.  Except that there was no second chance, no chance to right the wrongs of the past.  There was only this utter and unending loneliness that, if she let it, could well drive her mad.

 

“Marlena?” Q’s voice floated up from the landing and she saw him in the doorway of the kitchen.  She felt a tightening ache in her chest as she saw the concern in his hazel eyes.  How had she managed to do this?  *Again*?   She loved Gene and she had no doubt that if events had not taken the turn that they had, she could have been perfectly happy with him, just as she could have been perfectly happy with Roman.  

 

If only……  

 

She sighed.  It always came back to John.  No matter how hard she tried to forget him, to ignore her feelings for him, it was like he was inside her, under her skin and she just couldn’t vanquish him.

 

Gene came to the bottom of the stairs.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.  Marlena nodded her head with a sad smile, the smudged, dusky circles under her eyes telling a different story.

 

“Come down and have some breakfast,” he encouraged.

 

“I don’t think I’m up to it,” she shook her head wanly.

 

“Well, have some orange juice then,” he advanced up the stairs toward her.  “You don’t have only yourself to think about now.  You have to keep up your strength.”  Reaching her, he held out his hand and helped her up.  “There now.”  His heart began to race as he found himself unexpectedly close to her as she almost overbalanced.

 

“Sorry,” she said breathily as her cinnamon-colored eyes searched his.  He swallowed and then turned away a little too hurriedly.  

 

“That’s okay,” he murmured, taking a step down. 

 

Marlena’s eyes filled with tears as she followed him down the stairs.  

******

Sami stood and went to the percolator where she poured a coffee for John and one for herself.

 

“You know,” she said quietly, her back still to him, “I guess part of me expected him to get away with it, just like Alan did.  Every time I closed my eyes last night, I could see that knife and…” she took a breath, steadying herself against the counter.  John sat tensely, ready to spring up if she needed him.  But she managed to gather herself and continue.  “I could see his eyes.  I knew he was weird, but I never thought he would do something like this.  I guess I should stop being so naïve huh?”

 

“No Sami,” John shook his head.  “It’s just that you’ve been looking for something and it’s lead you to trust the wrong people.  That doesn’t make you naïve.”

 

“Just misguided.”  Sami finished for him.  “And I’ve hurt the people that really love me and wanted to help me, right?” she could do without the big speech this morning.  Her head ached, in fact, her whole body ached, and she just couldn’t deal with another lecture.  But John surprised her.

 

“It doesn’t matter what happened in the past baby,” he said softly.  “*All* that matters is that you are safe.  That’s all I care about.”

 

A shiver went through Sami.  After everything that she had said to him and done to him, he still loved her, the way he had always loved her.  A tear slipped silently through her lashes.  She didn’t deserve this.

******

Q put a glass of orange juice in front of Marlena where she sat at the table.  She didn’t look up at him, just continued to stare into an unseen distance, lost in the chasm of her emotions.

 

“Hey,” he waved his hand in front of her.  She didn’t even blink.  “Marlena.”  He sat down in front of her, and slowly, she shook her head, forcibly aroused from her apathy.

 

“What?” she lifted lifeless eyes to his.

 

“Well, just look at you,” he said, a little too forcefully, “You’re not doing anyone any good in this state, least of all yourself and that baby of yours.”

 

“Well, what would you have me do?” she asked, a little defiance flaring.  “John hates me, my own daughter can’t even stand the sight of me, and….” she shook her head and looked away, “I don’t think I need elaborate on what I’ve done to you.”

 

“What you’ve done to *me*?” Gene shook his head.  “You didn’t *do* anything to me.  If what happened is anyone’s fault, it’s mine.  I knew that you still loved John.  I just chose to ignore that inconvenient fact.  Maybe if I hadn’t things wouldn’t be so messed up for you now.”  He shook his head.  “I’m sorry Marlena.  I want to say I wish it hadn’t happened.  But I can’t in all honesty say that, because I wouldn’t give up the last few weeks for anything.”  He couldn’t help but smile.  “All those things I told you, about what you brought me, that doesn’t change because of what happened.  I still have those things; I still have what you gave me….”

 

“But that’s just *it*,” Marlena shook her head with tears of frustration.  “I gave it to you and then I took it away again.  How can you even *look* at me?”

 

“Have you ever heard the saying ‘It’s better to have loved and lost’?” Q raised his eyebrows.

 

“This *isn’t* about trite sayings,” Marlena said angrily.  “It’s about what *happened*.”

 

“That’s right it *is* what happened,” Eugene countered with annoyance, giving vent to his own frustration.  “It happened.  We can’t go back and change it.  So, instead, you’re wallowing in guilt once again.  Yet another thing to blame yourself for, another excuse to do absolutely *nothing*.”

 

“That’s not true,” Marlena was shocked and hurt, somewhat because of his attack, but mostly because deep down, she knew he was right. 

 

“So why don’t you go and talk to John?” Q asked, a little harshly.  It was the hardest thing in the world for him to encourage Marlena to work it out with John.  He wanted nothing more than to keep her to himself.  But that wouldn’t make her happy he knew, and above all, he wanted to see her smile again.  He had already been selfish enough; he couldn’t allow her to be hurt any further by his actions.  “Why don’t you go and tell him the truth, once and for all.”

 

“You *know* why,” Marlena glared at him.  “He’s made his decision, he’s making his family with Kristen.  I have no right to get involved.”

 

“He’s making a decision without all the *facts* Marlena.” Q replied frostily.  He knew that the only way to get her to see sense in this state was to get her angry.  At the moment, she was devoid of emotion and that numbness was protecting her from having to face any truths, or from making any decisions.  As much as he hated hurting her, this was the only way he could think of to engage her in the conversation at this point.   “You know, *you* are making a pretty big assumption.  How do you know that *you* have all the facts?  Have you actually *talked* to the man lately?”

 

“It’s rather difficult to talk to a man who walks in the opposite direction every time he sees you,” she replied, equally coldly.

 

“Well, have you stopped to wonder why he’s doing that?” Q asked.  “I mean, if he’s perfectly happy with Kristen, why does seeing you upset him so much?”  

 

“It doesn’t *matter* why,” she pushed herself up from the sofa and paced across the room.  “I don’t know why we’re even discussing this.  John is with Kristen.  Period.”

 

There was an uncomfortable silence for several moments.

 

“It’s a convenient excuse, isn’t it?” Q’s voice rent the silence like the crack of a whip.  “Just carry on like always.  Finding reasons not to take the chance.  Never take any risks.  Use everyone else as an excuse for not doing anything.  What happened to you Marlena?  You used to be stubborn, and you used to fight with everything you had for what you wanted.  The Marlena I knew didn’t just *let* a DiMera take her family away.”

 

“That’s not fair,” Marlena whispered, her voice tremulous.

 

“No, what’s not fair is that you should be happy, that you have the opportunity to be happy and you’re not taking it with both hands.  Don’t you think Belle and Brady deserve better than that?”  He really was angry now, but it was more at himself than at her.  It was becoming more and more apparent to him that while the last few weeks had immeasurable improved his life, assuming that he was going to be allowed to keep his life, for Marlena it had only made matters worse.

 

Several weeks of superficial happiness had only made her more confused and unsure of what to do.  Far from her taking advantage of him, he felt that he had taken advantage of her weakness and insecurity.  Instead of helping her, it seemed as though he had only hurt her more.  Gene shook his head almost imperceptibly.  He had been selfish and he had chosen not to see what it would do to Marlena.  And now she was paying for that self-indulgence.

 

“Please don’t do this to me Gene,” she whispered, close to tears.  “I’m *not* the same Marlena anymore.  I’m not that strong.”  She shook her head, the teardrops shimmering as they dropped to her cheeks.  “I’m scared and I don’t know if I can make it through this.”

 

“Of course you can,” his voice immediately softened as he crossed the room quickly, knowing how much it must have killed her to admit that.  “I’ll help you.”  He put his hands on her shoulders so that she looked up.  “I’ll be with you every step of the way.  Even if you don’t have faith in yourself, I have faith enough in you for both of us.”  

 

She nodded and then buried her face in his shirt as he hugged her to him.  Something told her it wasn’t going to be quite that simple.

******

Wiping her tears away with surreptitious fingers, Sami turned and carried the mugs to the table.

 

“Are you sure he won’t get out?” she asked again, trying to convince herself of the fact.

 

“Well, nothing is ever written in stone sweetheart, but I really can’t see how they can let him go.”  John tried to soother her fears.  “My bet is that you won’t have to worry about him again.  He’ll be behind bars for a long, long time.”

 

“How do they know he killed those policemen?” Sami asked as she wrapped her fingers around the handle of her mug and lifted it to her lips.

 

“It was narcotics bust that went wrong.  The two guys that the police *did* catch are turning state’s evidence.  They identified Grant Whitman, or Whittaker as the one that shot the two policemen.”

 

Something rang a bell in Sami’s head as she thought back a couple of weeks.

 

“Wasn’t a policeman killed in Salem recently?” she asked, her brow wrinkled.  “That one they found in the river.  I remember Uncle Bo saying something, he and Hope had to go and tell the guy’s wife.  It was really rough because they had two young kids.”

 

John nodded slowly.

 

“Pat Adamson,” a shadow of grief passed over his face.  “He worked at the station when I was there, but I wasn’t in town when he was killed.  I wish I had known; I wouldn’t have missed his funeral if I had.”  He looked thoughtful.  “Pat was working undercover in narcotics last time I talked to him.  Abe has probably already made the link, but it can’t hurt to mention it.”

 

Sami swallowed her mouthful of coffee and set the cup on the table.  She looked up at John from under dark lashes, regarding him for a moment.

 

“I’m sorry John,” she said finally, her voice soft.

 

“What for?”  John looked surprised and a little baffled.

 

“For forgetting how hard it was for you.  I guess I’ve been so wrapped up in myself all this time I forgot that you lost too.  You lost more than any of us ever did.”

 

“Samantha, that was the past,” John still felt mildly uncomfortable about revealing the extent of his devastation at losing his family all those years ago.

 

“It might be the past, but *I* know doesn’t make it any less important,” Sami shrugged, “I know how much *I* hurt, I guess until I had Will, I could never have really understood how it must have affected you.”  She frowned, “and then when I did become a parent, I didn’t *want* to see it.” 

 

“I can’t dwell on it Sami,” John said firmly.  “If I obsessed over all the mistakes I’ve made I’d probably be insane right now.  What happened did happen and yes it was hard.  For *all* of us.”  He smiled discomfitedly.  “But Sami we can’t let what happened to us in the past dictate our future.  We have to learn from our mistakes and our misfortunes and take strength in the fact that we have come through the other side.”  Sami nodded her head, but she seemed unconvinced.   

 

“Anyway honey, I think I’d better make that phone call to Abe while you get dressed.” He grinned boyishly as he pulled out his cell phone.  “Then if you like, I’ll take you out for lunch.”

******

Gene watched Marlena as she picked at the piece of apple in front of her.  He really hated feeling so powerless to help her.  He wanted to tell her about the baby, the twin that Kristen carried, but still his hands were tied by the Continuum.  They had been willing to send him back but unwilling to allow him to lay the facts in front of Marlena.  Supposedly they didn’t want to make it too easy for him, but he didn’t understand, if they were so determined to have Marlena and John together why they didn’t just *make* it easy.  But then nothing was ever *easy* where the Q were concerned.

 

They had told him that if John and Marlena were to make it through this, if things were to be put right correctly, they had to find out the truths for themselves.  He was just to guide them in the right direction…. if he could.  But everything he had suggested so far seemed to have had little or no effect.  In fact, the only thing he seemed to be able to do for her right now was to make things worse.  He felt the ache of hopeless guilt, as he observed, not for the first time, her pale listlessness.  Some friend he had been.

 

“Sweetheart,” he sat down on the couch next to her.  “If you won’t go and talk to John, why don’t you at least try and talk to Sami.  Maybe that will help you feel better.”  Marlena’s chin quivered slightly as she considered his words.  

 

“I don’t think that will help.”  Her voice carried the huskiness of draining emotion, “I don’t think Sami will ever get over her anger at her me.”

 

“So, you’re just going to give up trying?” Q shrugged his shoulders.  “That doesn’t seem like you.”

 

“I didn’t *say* that,” she replied snappily, the roiling of her stomach getting the better of her.  He shoulders slumped as she returned to her inertia.  “I just don’t know that trying to talk to her again will help right now.  The last person she wants to hear from is me.  If you didn’t see that last night….”

 

“Maybe the person she *most* wants to hear from is you,” Q suggested, “she just doesn’t know how to tell you anymore.”

 

“Oh Gene,” Marlena shook her head, “this isn’t the first time this has happened and every other time I *tried* and I pushed her, I just made things worse between us.”

 

“Well, I don’t think you help matters much by the way you treat her,” Q tried to be gentle this time, but this was something he felt needed to be said.  And he had been wanting to say it ever since he had moved into Marlena’s apartment, he had just never quite found the courage, or the need before.

 

“What do you mean?” Marlena didn’t sound sure that she wanted to know exactly what he meant.

 

“I mean that she uses your own guilt against you.  And what’s more you let her.  You can’t keep on accepting that kind of behavior from her.”  He pulled the cushion out from behind him and hugged it in his arms.  “She uses the past and your guilt about it to manipulate you.  She plays the victim, and you fall for it every time.”

 

“I….” Marlena looked shocked.  “Gene, that’s not true.  You don’t know the things that Sami has been through.  She’s emotionally very fragile and yes, a lot of that is my fault.”

 

“It’s your fault how?” Q shook his head, seeing the situation very differently from Marlena.  “You were *human* and you made a very human mistake.  Four years ago.  I’m sure it hurt Sami, but honestly Marlena, you didn’t do anything *to* her.  She got caught in the periphery of a devastating event between you and John and Roman.  It seems to me that most people would grow up and move on from an event like that, learning from it.  As far as I can see, Sami has stagnated and blamed your mistake and her pain for every subsequent thing she has done.  And you shoulder the blame and the guilt for *everything* that she has suffered and every terrible deed she has done.”  He paused but Marlena’s silent pallor convinced him to continue.  “For the past four years, she’s used your guilt to manipulate you into taking the blame for her own shortcomings.  And if indeed you are to blame for anything she has done it is only because you have bought into her warped self-pity, accepting and not challenging her behavior.”

 

“How can you say that?” she whispered; her voice thick with tears.

 

“I can say it because it’s true, sweetheart,” he knew it was painful and he didn’t want to have to say this to her, but he knew her too well.  She was too involved in the situation to be able to see the truth clearly.   “She’s got the potential to be a wonderful person your daughter, but she’s so wrapped up in herself she can’t be.  Not until you stop letting this guilt you have rule your relationship with her.”

 

Marlena closed her eyes and leaned her head back for a moment, contemplating his words.  Finally, she lowered her head and turned to him, Q seeing the inner struggle refracted through her dusky eyes.

 

 “All right,” her voice was raspy, “what do you suggest I do?  I *do* feel guilty, I just can’t shut that off.”

 

“I think you can, at least you can begin to,” Gene disputed.  “And you begin by admitting that what you did wasn’t the end of the world.  You loved John; you made a very human mistake in a very difficult situation.  But that was four years ago.  Everyone has moved on with their lives since then.  It’s about time you forgive yourself and start getting on with your life too.”

 

“But I…” Marlena began.

 

“Uh-uh,” Q held up his hand and shook his head.  “No ifs or buts.  It’s over.  It’s the past.  Let it *go*.”

 

Marlena swallowed and crossed her arms in front of her, her knuckles a bloodless white.

 

“You can say it,” he encouraged her.  It seemed to be an endless moment as he waited but finally and with slow deliberateness, Marlena nodded her head.

 

“It *is* the past, isn’t it?” she said softly, almost surprised by her ability to be able to admit it.

 

“Mmm-hmmm,” Q nodded his head, a tentative smile on his lips.  “You don’t have to carry it round with you anymore.”

 

Marlena closed her eyes again, and as she did, a tear squeezed through her dark lashes and spilled over her pale skin.  As Eugene slid his arms around her, more tears began to fall, tears that began the necessary process of washing away much of the guilt and pain that had tormented her for so long.

 

It was finally time to start again.

Chapter 76  – Lost Words

 

 

Eric looked out of the clinic window, his weary eyes blending the yellows and reds of the autumnal trees together as he stared over the river.  He was tired, the result of a late night out with the cute nurse, but he hadn’t gotten much further in his pursuit of information.  Helen had cited patient confidentiality as he had tapped her for information, and he had finally given up in favor of a fun few hours on the dance floor.

 

And this morning he had come back to the clinic and spent the last hour or so filling his father in on what had happened at home since he had been gone.  As much as he *could* fill him in anyway.  It wasn’t like Eric had been there for any of it.  He found it hard enough to believe some of the stuff himself, he couldn’t exactly blame Roman for looking incredulous, especially when details like Marlena’s possession had come up.  In fact, during everything regarding Marlena, Roman had remained remarkably quiet, the silence becoming palpable when John’s name was entered into the equation.

 

Finally, when Eric had paused for a few minutes, Roman had excused himself.  Eric was occupying himself by eyeing the cityscape that Roman had gazed over every day for the last year.

 

“Sorry about that,” Eric turned around at the sound of Roman’s voice and watched him prop his cane up against the chair before he settled down into the seat.  “So where were we?”

 

“Mom,” Eric raised his eyebrows, “where else?”

 

“So, you’re telling me that after all this, after everything that John and Marlena have been through, that they’re not together?” Roman seemed shocked.  The story that Eric had told him had led him through a myriad of emotions.  He wasn’t even sure that he had even begun to understand what he had been told. 

 

When he had left Salem, he knew he had devastated Marlena.  He hadn’t wanted to, but he had known that there was no other way for him to survive the breakup of their marriage.  He knew her too well, knew the depths of her emotions, knew that for her to do what she had done, she had to have loved John very deeply.  He hadn’t been able to reconcile himself to that fact, unable to live with the specter of John always in their lives.  The thought of always looking over his shoulder, waiting for John to come and claim his wife had been more than he could bear. 

 

And so, he had left.  And though some part of him had kept alive a fantasy that she would be there for him when he returned, the more pragmatic Roman Brady had learned from experience that would not be so.  Dr. Marlena Evans was too beautiful and too adorable to remain single for long. 

 

That part of him had also known that John’s heart belonged to Marlena as well, and he had fully expected Eric to tell him that they were blissfully married and raising a beautiful family.  So, he had been shocked to find out that this wasn’t the case.  A spark of hope momentarily ignited within him, but it was quashed as his mind quickly reviewed what Eric had told him.  He had spent too much time reflecting on his past while he had been isolated in this clinic to not know the truth. 

 

The truth was that Marlena loved John Black, and she belonged with him.  If nothing else, the events since he had been gone proved that.  But still, Roman couldn’t deny he loved her.  That had not diminished over time, and he knew immediately that if he went back, he might struggle to not reveal that to her.

 

“Nope,” Eric shook his head, almost more confused than Roman, if possible.  “I don’t know what’s going on, but it seemed like a few months ago they were on their way to getting back together, but then some drama happened with Kristen and if all fell apart.  Mom threw John out.  Last time I spoke to Sami she said that Mom was spending an awful lot of time with Eugene Bradford.”

 

“Gene Bradford?” Roman was mildly surprised.  “When did he come back to town?”

 

“Late last year,” Eric raised his eyebrows, “He has been staying with Mom at the penthouse ever since and by all accounts, they’ve been pretty inseparable.”

 

“Gene and your mom were the best of friends when you were born,” Roman said with a nostalgic smile.  “Their friendship got off to a bit of a rocky start, and I must admit I thought he was pretty weird for a long time.  But he was a pretty wonderful guy to your mom and to me when we got into a few jams.  If she needs a friend now, I’m glad he’s around for her.”

 

“If you listened to Sami, you’d think that they were more than ‘just good friends’.” Eric didn’t sound like he was too disbelieving of his sister.

 

“Well, it sounds to me like your sister might not be a particularly reliable source these days.”  If there was anything Roman regretted, it was leaving his children when they had needed him so.  He wanted the opportunity to make that up to them.  If indeed, he could.

 

“Oh, I don’t know Dad,” Eric shook his head.  “She was pretty convincing.  And she didn’t like it one little bit either.  She thinks he’s a jerk and she hates that he’s living with Mom.”

 

Roman considered his son for a moment.  What if what Eric was saying was true?  What if Marlena had become involved with Gene Bradford.  It seemed unlikely, but Roman had to admit that so much had happened since he had been gone that Marlena had to have changed.  She had always had a deep affection for Gene.  Could that have translated into something more?  He shook his head, surprisingly unsettled by the thought.

 

“If Sami’s right then I am sure that your mother has her reasons Eric,” he said, a little tersely.  “And Eugene is not a jerk.  He’s a nice guy and if it wasn’t for him then none of us might be here.  So, I don’t want you going around badmouthing him okay?”

 

Eric shrugged.

 

“I hardly remember the guy.  I’m just telling you what Sami said.  But whatever’s going on in Salem at the moment Dad, whatever Mom is doing, I’m worried about her.  I’m worried about them all.”

 

 

******

 

Q endured the ride up in the rickety elevator with a nervousness unfamiliar to him.  He wasn’t even sure why he was doing this, other than he had made such a mess of things and now he had to put them right.  For Marlena’s sake.

 

It wasn’t that he liked John Black, or even thought that he deserved Marlena.  But it was John that Marlena loved and Q wanted more than anything to see her laugh again, to see the fire in her eyes that told him she was really living.  It was up to him to make sure that happened.

 

He stepped out of the elevator and wiped his sticky palms against the stiff denim fabric of his jeans.  He blew out a deep breath, trying to calm himself.  He had no idea what he was going to say, he’d cross that bridge when he came to it, he guessed.

 

He knocked sharply on the door and waited, silently grateful that he had been lucky enough to find Kristen coming out of the warehouse building as he arrived.  He had waited a safe distance until she had gone before making his way up to the loft.  Now he just hoped that John was here.

 

It became apparent a few moments later that John was indeed home as the loft door rasped open.  However, John’s expression darkened as he saw who waited on his doorstep.

 

“What the hell do you want?”  His lips thinned as he confronted Q.

 

“I think we need to talk,” Q said quietly.  He had seen the loathing in John’s eyes, but it wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before, and it didn’t throw him too much.  He didn’t want to be John Black’s best friend, he just needed to find out what the hell was going on.  But it appeared that John wasn’t going to make it that easy.

 

“What?  You feel the need to tell me how *happy* you are?” John asked snidely.  “You think you need to come and rub it in my face.  Well, you got what you wanted Eugene, just don’t expect me to be happy for *you*.”  He turned away bitterly, unable to even look at the other man.  The pain was still so raw he could feel it slicing through him.

 

“No John, you misunderstand-“ Q began.

 

“Misunderstand?” John’s anger exploded and he whirled round.  All the pain and confusion he had been carrying around, suddenly had a nice and convenient target and he just couldn’t stop it.  His hand shot out and grabbed a hold on Q’s sweater.  Pulling the man inside the apartment, he bailed him up against the inside of the door.  “Oh, I don’t think I’ve misunderstood at all.  You pretended to be my friend and you *set me up*.”  He pulled Gene forward slightly and then thumped him back against the cold metal of the door.  “You never wanted to help *me*.  You just wanted me *occupied* while you took advantage of Marlena’s weakness.”

 

“Well, if you had actually *listened* to me instead of moping around with your pitiful self-obsession, maybe Marlena wouldn’t have been so quick to find someone else,” Q reminded him nastily.  John Black brought out the worst in him it seemed.

 

“You lying, two-faced, deceitful *bastard*,” John launched him back into the door again, the force momentarily winding Q.  “I don’t know what the hell kind of game you’re playing but I have one thing to say to you.”  His voice became low with a hint of menace about it and Q was mildly surprised to see real and palpable anger flashing in John’s eyes as he backed off slightly.  “If you *ever* hurt her, and I mean so much as even make her cry, I’ll make sure you *pay*.”

 

Q was silent for a moment, the strength of emotion coming from John overwhelming him.  He suddenly felt a flash of sympathy for the man, matters suddenly not so black and white.

 

“What makes you think I’d hurt her?” he asked, shaking his head. 

 

John stared at him, his blue eyes vividly intense as he dropped his hand and turned away.

“Because I never meant to either.” His voice was choked back into his throat.  “And look what a mess I made of things.”  Gene regarded him silently and then nodded his head slowly.

 

“We still need to talk,” he stayed where he was until John turned around again.

 

“Why?” he shrugged exhausted shoulders.  “How exactly is that going to help?  *Who* is it going to help?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, trying to contain the anger that was growing once again.  “It might help salve your guilty conscience Eugene, but it’s not going to help me.  I doubt it’ll help Marlena and it sure as hell won’t help our *baby*.” 

 

 

******

 

 

“Sami?” Marlena pulled off her gloves as she stood in the doorway and waited for her daughter to turn around.  Sami shoulder’s slumped as she put her pen down.

 

“What do you want Mom?”

 

“I want to talk to you,” Marlena crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe, knowing instinctively that she had more patience than her daughter.

 

“Can’t you see I’m busy with my homework?” Sami answered snappily, her back still turned.

 

“You can do your homework later,” Marlena said firmly.  “This is important.”

“Oh, it’s always important when you deem it to be isn’t it Mom?” Sami’s long flaxen hair whipped around her shoulders as her head swung around.  “Well, I don’t particularly want to hear anything you have to say, so why don’t you just give it up now?”  Her lips set into a thin, bloodless line and her blue eyes flashed icily and Marlena found her mind drifting back to all those years ago.  Sami really hadn’t grown up since then.  She was still the same, lost little girl, flailing against a world she didn’t want to understand.

 

“Well, you’re going to hear what I have to say whether you like it or not.” Marlena told her in a low voice as she came up behind her.  “I know that you’re angry at me Samantha, and I’m sure that you feel that you have a right to be, but I’m not going to let your anger rule our relationship anymore.”

“What kind of psychobabble is *that*?” Sami said tersely as she slammed her book closed.

“It means that I want to help you Sami and I want you to *let* me help.”  She placed her hand on Sami’s shoulder, but it was shrugged off testily.

 

“I don’t *need* your help,” she replied cuttingly.

 

“Well, I think you *do* need it,” Marlena sat down on the chair next to Sami, but felt her heart sink as Sami turned away.  “Sweetheart we *have* to get past this.  You can’t stay angry at me for your whole life.”

 

“Want to try me?” Sami muttered.

 

Marlena sighed. 

 

“Sami, I made a very bad mistake.  I hurt your father and I hurt you.  I understand that, but that was *four* years ago.  I think I’ve done my penance, don’t you?”

 

“Nothing will *ever* make up for what you did to Daddy,” Sami spat as she whirled around.  “My god, you ruined his *life* and now you want me to forget it ever happened?”

 

“And you want me to carry around this guilt for the rest of my life.”  Marlena shook her head.  “It’s not going to happen, Sami.  I am sorry for what I did to Roman, but I’ve been to hell and back over it,” she paused to reflect on the irony of that statement.  “I just can’t carry on like this.  I can’t let your anger at me destroy both of our lives.  I *won’t* let it.”

 

“So what?” Sami shook her head, “we just hug and make up and everything is hunky dory?  I don’t think so Mom.”

 

“Sami, you have to realize that people are human.  Neither your father or I are perfect, and we could never live up to your expectations.” Marlena refused to let Sami’s continuing coldness get to her.  Eugene had been right.  His words had crystallized what she had known all along but just hadn’t wanted to admit.  “I want to be the best mother to you that I can, but I can’t be a *perfect* mother.  That’s asking the impossible.”

 

“You got *that* right,” Sami murmured under her breath.

 

Marlena paused for a moment, that unexpected barb catching her offguard. 

 

“What do you want Sami?” she asked finally, not taking any pains to shield the hurt in her eyes.  “Is it your goal to hurt me as much as you possibly can.  Is it some kind of revenge?  Because if it is, it’s working.”  She shook her head breathlessly.  “You know, I try and I try and it’s not because I feel guilty.  It’s because I *love* you and I would do *anything* for you Sami.  So, you can try and hurt me all you like, and you can know that it’s working.  Because every time you say something like that it *tears* me up inside.”  The ache in her heart only increased as she voiced the words.  She wanted her little girl back so much, but she just didn’t know if it was possible any more.  “But you know what?  However much it hurts I am *never* going to stop trying.  You’re my daughter and I love you.  I want to help you and however much you push me away, I’m going to keep coming back.  So, you had better get used to the idea.  Because we can keep on hurting each other, or we can come to terms with the past and *make* something of the present.”

 

She paused and waited for Sami’s next attack, but it never came.  The room was strangely silent as her words hung between them.  For her part, Sami was mulling over Marlena’s words, unsure of how to respond.  Actually, she was completely unsure of how she was feeling at this point in time.  After the discussion with John last night, she wasn’t sure if she could deal with this. 

 

For four long years she had held onto the knowledge that what had happened had been her mother’s fault, her mother’s and John’s and she had shielded herself with that knowledge.  And she had withdrawn her love in order to protect herself.  Now, she realized that it had also served as a more than useful tool of punishment.  In her habitual self-defense she had hurt Marlena, and a part of her had enjoyed doing so.  But now that she had been confronted with it, now that she really understood it as only a mother can, another part of her was horrified.  And having sealed a truce with John, could she really continue to be angry at her mother?

 

Or was the better question, was she able to stop being angry?

 

 

******

 

 

John glared at Q, who had turned his head.  “Yeah, that’s right, our *baby*.  Did you forget that inconvenient little fact?” he asked bitterly.  “How could you do it Eugene?  How can you go to bed with her and wake up with her every morning and *lie* about something as important as that?”

 

“Wouldn’t you already know?” Q shot back automatically, attack his only form of defense.  “You spent four years of your life lying to both Kristen *and* Marlena.”

 

“It’s not the same.” John shook his head.  “I didn’t know how Marlena felt.”

 

“That justifies it?” Q asked, feeling himself slipping onto treacherous ground.

 

“I didn’t say that,” John replied angrily.  “I’m saying that you *knew * the score and you still lied.  You seduced her knowing that she and I are going to have a baby.  How do you think Marlena will feel when she finds out that little fact?  You don’t think that’s going to hurt her?”

 

“John, you don’t understand…” Q shook his head, covering his concern.  It was a point he hadn’t considered before, but John was right.  He hadn’t been honest with Marlena.  How would she look at him when she found out the truth?

 

“Your damn *right* I don’t understand,” John gripped the mantelpiece with bloodless fingers.  “You say you love her.  How can you *do* that to her?  Don’t you think she has the right to make a fair choice?”

 

“You make it sound as if I lied to get her into my bed,” Gene said slowly.

 

“Well, how perceptive of you,” John’s sarcasm got the better of him.

 

“That’s not how it was,” Q shook his head.  “If you would care to remember John, it was *you* that asked me not to tell Marlena the truth.”

 

“Oh, so now *I’m* to blame for your lies?” John shook his head with a confounded grimace.  “I should have known.”

 

“Look, you *really* don’t understand,” Q snapped frustratedly.  “I’m not denying I made a mistake.  I should never have gotten involved with Marlena; I know that now.  But it’s not as simple as you would like to believe John.  I *didn’t* seduce Marlena.” 

 

He thought about telling John exactly what *had* happened, and how there had been no way on earth that he could have refused Marlena.  He *was* inhabiting a mortal and all too human body after all.  Oddly enough though, he decided that John had suffered enough already.  He didn’t need to know the details, the ones he knew were probably bad enough.  And more than that, he didn’t want to involve Marlena any more than she had to be.  There was already too much standing between John and Marlena as it was.  If he had to be the bad guy in this scenario, he was more than willing to do it, he was hardly lily-white after all.  Perhaps it would go a small way towards making up for some of the wrongs he had done.

 

“Oh, it just *happened* did it?”  John’s voice was heavily laced with sarcasm.  “You were *swept* away by the force of your emotions?”

 

“Does it really matter *how* it happened?” Q sighed deeply.  “I did let my emotions get the better of me.  I really wanted to believe I could make Marlena happy, but I was wrong.”  He looked at John, his feelings mixed.  “I won’t say I’m happy about it, but what happened between us is over.”

 

“Yeah sure,” John looked disbelieving.

 

“It’s true,” Q shrugged his shoulders, trying to minimize the pain he was feeling.  “It finally became clear to me that Marlena will only be truly happy with you, so it’s over.”

 

“Well, how big of you,” John’s expression revealed that he was unimpressed.  “But why don’t I believe that’s the case?”

 

“Look, if it was just you, I wouldn’t even be here,” Q was becoming patently irritated with John’s continuing refusal to listen to him.  “I think Marlena deserves better than you, but obviously life doesn’t quite work out that way.  She’s miserable and she’s sick about what has happened between the two of you.”  John glared at him wanting to believe him but unsure of his motivations. It was a fact that Eugene had already proved he couldn’t be trusted an inch.  John wasn’t about to take him at face value now.  He was sure there was some ulterior motive. 

 

“So, what’s brought about this sudden change of heart?” he asked, his tone still loaded with suspicion.    Gene contemplated him for a moment, wondering how much John would be willing to hear, let alone believe.  Finally, he answered slowly.

 

“I think that’s something that you had better ask Marlena.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Why are you worried Eric?” Roman asked gently. “I don’t know exactly,” Eric shook his head.  By all accounts, nothing overly dramatic was happening in Salem.  Nothing more dramatic than usual anyway.  It was just the impression he got.  “No-one is quite themselves Dad.  From the conversations I’ve had with the family, it’s like there’s this omnipresent tension.     No-one is behaving like themselves.  From what I can gather, they haven’ t for a long time.”  He shook his head with a wry smile, “maybe there’s something in the water.”

 

“It doesn’t sound like you have a lot to go on son,” Roman commented carefully.  “How long is it since you’ve been home?”  Eric reddened slightly at the question.

 

“I haven’t been home since you left,” he admitted.

 

Only the flicker of an eyelid betrayed Roman’s surprise.

 

“But that was almost three years ago,” he said quietly.

 

“Well, I didn’t exactly have a lot to go home to after you left did I?” Eric replied defensively.  “An empty house isn’t exactly welcoming.”

 

“You could have gone to your mother’s,” Roman pointed out.

 

“Well, Mom had her own problems,” Eric pushed himself out of his chair and turned to look out of the window again.

 

“And I can’t believe that you knew everything that was going on and you didn’t want to see your family.”  Roman found it difficult to reconcile this with the caring young man that he had been seeing.  “You didn’t even try and make it home for Carrie’s wedding?”

 

“Look Dad, I didn’t come halfway around the world for a lecture, okay?” Eric turned around irritably.  “I had my reasons for not being in Salem, just like you had yours.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Roman nodded.  Eric was right, he couldn’t really point the finger.  He had left his family when they were vulnerable, and he had regretted it more than once. Especially now he actually knew what had happened to them while he had been away.  “But that still doesn’t change the fact that you’re telling me there’s a problem back in Salem.”

 

“No, it doesn’t,” Eric shook his head.  “I can’t tell you why Dad, I just have a really bad feeling in my gut.  Someone’s in trouble.”

 

“And what do you think *I* can do about it?” Roman asked carefully.

 

“You can come back with me, Dad,” Eric suddenly had a measure of eagerness about him.  “As far as I can gather you don’t need to be *in* a hospital and you could recover just as well at home.”  He came to where Roman was sitting and crouched in front of the chair.  “They all need you Dad,” his deep blue eyes were expectant, “especially Mom.”

 

Roman stared down at his son and suddenly wondered what exactly it was that he was expecting.

 

 

******

 

 

“Sami,” Marlena tried again, encouraged by the slight thaw in Sami’s demeanor.  “All I’m asking is that you give me a little leeway.  I know you’ve been through a terrible ordeal, and you don’t know how sorry I am that I couldn’t prevent you having so suffer that.  But maybe I can help you deal with some of the aftermath.”

 

“Mom, I don’t need a shrink,” Sami said with remarkable forbearance.  “I’m doing just fine over this.  You don’t need to worry about me.”

 

“But I do worry about you Sami,” Marlena shook her head.  “And I’m not talking as a psychiatrist, I’m talking as your mother, and a woman who has stood in the same place you are standing in now.”  Her voice became suffused with emotion.  “And I know it’s not an easy place to be.”

 

“Oh, come on Mom,” Sami rolled her eyes dramatically.  “How can you possibly know how I feel?”

 

Marlena took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to rid herself of the irrational fear that still gripped her from time to time.  Mostly she didn’t think about it, she shut it away where it didn’t have the power to hurt her.  But occasionally the memories crept through a chink in her defenses and the emotions still had the capacity to leave her breathless.

 

“I would have told you after…” she paused, steeling herself, “after Alan.” She noted how Sami flinched at the name.  “But you would barely let me talk to you, let alone help you.”

 

“Told me what Mom?”  A strange chill ran up Sami’s back as she saw a strange far-away look in Marlena’s eyes, a look that she recognized only too well.

 

“It was before I met your father, in fact it wasn’t too long after I split up with Don,” she pressed her lips together.  “I was working for a man called Kellam Chandler.  We spent some time together and then…” she swallowed, still finding it an ordeal to even talk about Kellam after all these years.  “Kellam began to get…obsessive.  Eventually he asked me to marry him.  When I said no he….” she paused, having to take another breath to stop her voice shaking.  She looked down at her hands on the table and discovered that they were shaking too. 

 

She couldn’t bear the thought that her own daughter was sharing this pain, and that was her impetus to reveal her own.  If Sami understood that she really *did* have some idea how she felt, then maybe she wouldn’t be so quick to turn down her help.  Looking up, she met Sami’s inquisitive eyes. 

 

She spoke again in a soft voice, the soothing tone at odds with the harsh reality that it conveyed. 

“I guess I should make a long story short. Kellam forced his way into my apartment when I was alone and….. he….” She covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to form the words.  Even now the memory was overpowering, and she could still feel his hands, the smothering pressure of his body on hers.  She shook herself out of the trance she had fallen into, and she felt her eyes burning.  Finally, she gained enough composure to drop her hand and in a voice that was little more than a whisper, she voiced it. 

 

“He raped me.”

 

Sami stared at her mother in shock.  She never would have imagined in a million years that her own mother, the perfect Dr. Marlena Evans, harbored a secret like that.

 

“Mom, I….” Her voice fade into nothingness.  What did one say to a revelation like that?  It was as though her mother had completely changed before her eyes.

 

Marlena blinked and a tear spilled from each eye, betraying a pain that was still distinct.  Raising a trembling hand, she brushed away the tears defiantly. 

 

“The really odd thing about this situation Sami, is that a couple of years later I was held hostage by one of my ex-patients.”  Marlena gave a wavering smile.  “I was never in any real danger, not like you were last night, but it was terrifying all the same.  It brought back all those memories that I thought I had buried forever.  Thankfully,” her smile was stronger now, “I had your Daddy there to help me through it.”  She paused and laid her hand on the table.  “That’s why you have to let your family help you through this.”  She inched her hand towards Sami’s and then gently laid her fingers over the top of her daughters.  When Sami didn’t pull away, she smiled.  “I really think that I do understand some of what you are going through.  Won’t you let me help you sweetheart?”

 

Sami frowned, not entirely listening to what Marlena was saying.  Something had rung a bell. 

 

“Who was the patient?” she asked abruptly.

 

“I’m sorry?” Marlena shook her head, confused by Sami’s question.

 

“The ex-patient, the one that held you hostage,” Sami repeated impatiently.  Marlena’s brow wrinkled as she considered Sami’s question.

 

“Is it important?” she asked carefully.

 

“Well, yeah, I’d think so, considering what he did to you.” Sami pulled her hand away, her suspicions tipped by Marlena’s evasiveness.  “Who was he Mom?”

 

Marlena sighed, knowing this was exactly where the conversation shouldn’t be headed.  Knowing that that one slip was about to undo all the work that she had done. With almost excruciating slowness, she balled up her fist and looked up at her daughter.

 

“It was Eugene Bradford.”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 77  – Once Bitten, Twice Awry

 

 

“What do you mean what am I expecting?” Eric played innocent.

 

“I mean what exactly are you expecting to happen if I come back to Salem?”  Roman raised his eyebrows.  “Because the way you said that about your mother makes me wonder.”

 

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Eric shrugged.  Roman said nothing, just watched his son closely.  Eric had changed since he had last seen him, but in many ways, he was still the same boy he had been.  And Roman knew when he was lying.

 

Finally, Eric’s face reddened.

 

“Okay, okay,” he held up his hands.  “I admit it.  I guess I’m hoping that if you come home that you and Mom might get back together.  I mean it’s not like she has a whole lot else going on.  And I know that…” his sentence stuttered to an end as he saw Roman shaking his head slowly.

 

“It’s not going to happen Eric,” he said in a quiet voice.

 

“How do you know?” Eric’s reply was petulant.   “You’ve been away for so long.  How can you know what’s going to happen?”

 

“Eric,” Roman sighed, “did you listen to *any* of what you told me earlier?”

 

“No Dad, you don’t understand,” Eric refused to hear what Roman was saying.  “The reason all that happened to Mom was that she was so devastated about you leaving.  I know if you came home that you can make it right again, you can…”

 

“*No* Eric,” Roman shook his head, “you’re kidding yourself if you think there’s any hope for Marlena and I.”

 

“But Dad,” Eric started sounding uncomfortably like a small child being refused a toy.

 

“Eric,” Roman sounded tired.  “I *left* your mother.  She went through an awful lot, and it was John there with her, not me.”

 

“That didn’t mean she didn’t *want* you there, Dad,” Eric argued.  “She turned to John because he was there, and you weren’t.”

 

“I can’t believe you’re saying that after what you told me yesterday,” Roman shook his head.  “Look I understand that you want your family back together son, but it’s even more plain to me than it was three years ago.  Marlena might well love me, but she loves John more.  That’s just the way it is.”

 

“Then why isn’t she with him?” Eric questioned sulkily.

 

“I can’t answer that, I’m just saying that if you’re hoping to see your mother and I together again, you’re going to be disappointed.” Roman’s eyes were sad.  “There was one thing you were right about; your mother being devastated when I left.  I had my reasons, but I’m always going to regret that decision.”  He shook his head.  It was the first time he had given voice to these thoughts, and he felt surprisingly sure of them.  “However, that doesn’t change the fact that it happened.  I walked out on your mother, and I didn’t fight for our marriage.  I can’t expect Marlena to take me back after that.  I don’t expect it.  And if *you* do, I think you’re going to be sorely disappointed.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Oh, so you can tell me that Marlena’s unhappy, but not why.  And you can tell me that you’ve split up with her but not why.”  John shook his head.  “And you expect me not to realize that you’re setting me up.”

 

“What?” Gene was confused.

 

“Oh, come on Eugene, I might be gullible but I’m not an idiot,” John said angrily.  “You expect me just to believe everything you say after the stunts you’ve pulled?”

 

“John, I’m sorry if that’s what you think this is,” Q started.

 

“I don’t need you playing games with my life,” John growled.  “I don’t even know why I’m listening to this.  You might have Doc fooled, but you’re not fooling me.”  He stalked to the door and yanked it open.  “I want you out of here.  *Now*.”

 

Q rolled his eyes in his head.

 

“If you throw me out of here, you’re even more stupid than I thought,” he said cuttingly.  “Look, I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself.”

 

“I don’t *want* your help,” John hissed.  “Just look at where your help has gotten me so far.  And you think I would want more of the same?”  He narrowed his eyes.  “Thanks, but *no* thanks.”

“Exactly why *did* you move that DiMera trollop back in here?” Q changed the subject, taking John by surprise.  “I mean *really* John, I thought you had more taste than that.”

 

“And *why* exactly is it any of your business?”  John could almost feel his blood pressure rising.  It was as though every syllable that Q uttered wracked his stress level a notch higher until he could barely think straight.

 

“Come on John,” Q only just restrained himself from rolling his eyes.  John’s refusal to co-operate at even a superficial level was becoming increasingly tedious.  “You must have known what it was going to do to Marlena.  She was absolutely devastated.”  He shook his head.  “I thought we had agreed that you were going to continue to pursue Marlena.”

 

“So did *I*,” John returned furiously.  “How *dare* you make a judgement like that after doing what you did.”  He had to turn away from the other man to resist the growing urge to connect his fist with that infuriatingly smug face.  Taking several deep breaths, he finally turned back, the muscle in his cheek twitching furiously.  When he spoke, his voice was low and solid.  “I did what I *had* to in order to keep my child safe.  *You* did what you *wanted* to, to satisfy your own selfish wants.”

 

Gene looked mildly surprised but said nothing.

 

“And I have no intention of taking this conversation with you any further, so,” he pointed at the open doorway, “there’s the door.  Use it.”

 

Q looked at the door and then looked at John’s dark countenance.  He was only making matters worse.  As usual.

 

“All right.”  He nodded his head soberly.  “You don’t want to talk to me, I suppose that’s reasonable, given the circumstances.”  He paused for a moment, looking around the loft.  Kristen’s blouse hung loosely over the back of a chair and a kit-set crib was propped up in the corner, ready to be put together.  “I think at the very least Marlena deserves to know the truth.”  He looked back at John, his gaze hard.  “The *real* truth.  You can’t keep her in the dark forever.”

 

“We already discussed why I can’t do that,” John was defensive.

 

“That was before you went and moved that woman back into your apartment.  Now I don’t know what on earth possessed you to do *that* but if you love Marlena as much as you claim to, don’t you think she deserves to know at least the facts?”

 

John remained silent but his glare spoke volumes.

 

“Okay, so you don’t want to talk to me, I get the picture,” Q shook his head, “all I ask is that you talk to Marlena.  *She’s* the one that’s suffering, she’s the one that’s confused and hurt.  The least you owe her is an explanation of why you’ve put her through that.” 

 

With that he turned and walked through the door, not looking back.  John watched him go, his lips tight and bloodless, Q’s words reverberating in his ears as he wondered how, once again, everything had become *his* fault.

 

 

******

 

 

“Eugene Bradford?” Sami looked incredulous.  “It was Eugene Bradford who took you hostage?”  She seemed appalled and Marlena moved quickly to counter her misapprehensions.

 

“It wasn’t like that sweetie.  I told you, I wasn’t in any danger.  It was more that he was confused than anything else.”

 

“Oh yeah sure,” Sami nodded her head with heavy sarcasm, “I go around taking people hostage all the time when I’m confused.  What the hell is *wrong* with you Mom?”

 

“Excuse me?” Marlena stiffened, Sami’s attack raising her natural defenses.

 

“The man kidnaps you, scares you half to death and then you move him into your house and leave your children with him?” Sami eyed her mother with naked condemnation.  “I guess I shouldn’t neglect to mention that not only is he in your home, but he’s in your *bed* too.  Way to go Mom.”  She pushed herself out of her chair and walked across the room.

 

“What happened, happened a *long* time ago.” Marlena said in a firm voice, tired of being held to ransom over her past.  Nothing she said to Sami now was going to change her daughter’s opinion, she knew that now.  “Eugene redeemed himself and became a loyal and trusted friend to both me, and your father.  And you know if he hadn’t been such a good friend to us, we *never* would have given you his name.”  She shook her head.  “I’m sorry if you don’t like him Sami, but I’m not about to explain myself to you again.”

 

“How convenient for you,” Sami turned back, resentment written all over her face. 

 

“I would hardly call this situation *convenient*.”  Marlena stood with a slight air of annoyance.  “But what I do in my personal life is not up for debate anymore.” She paused momentarily regarding her daughter.  “I’m sorry that you feel you have to criticize every choice I make Sami, but I never claimed to be perfect.  So now you can either accept what I have to offer you, or we can continue this standoff indefinitely.  It’s your choice.” 

 

Sami was unusually silent as she stared at her mother, her pale cheeks flushing maddeningly.

 

“For the record,” Marlena’s voice was thick, like soft amber honey, “Gene and I have ended our relationship.  And I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you,” she shook her head “I would have done anything to prevent what happened last night.”

 

“Sorry doesn’t make it better Mom,” Sami shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.  “I needed you and you weren’t there.  I called you and you never answered the phone.”  Her face hardened.  “You never change.  You say that I can’t let go of the past?  Well, how the hell can I when you keep re-creating it?”  She narrowed her eyes.  I was almost *raped* out their Mom.  *Again.*”  She shook her head, her lips thinning.  “Well, I hope *he* was worth it.”

 

She made for the door, stalking past her mother, aiming for a dramatic exit, but Marlena was having none of it.  She caught Sami’s arm and pulled her around so that she was facing her.

 

“Sami, this has to *stop*.” Sami felt as if Marlena’s intensely hazel eyes could see right through her, and she shrank back.  “I made a mistake.  And you can punish me all you want, but *I’m* not the only one you are hurting here.”  She wished mere words could infuse into Sami the importance of what she needed to hear, but she feared that as usual, Sami would hear, but not listen.  But she spoke anyway.  “Sami, sweetheart, you have to stop using the past as a crutch.  You’re leaning on the past instead of moving on with the future.  You have to stop using it as an excuse to hurt the people that love you, because in the end you’re hurting yourself just as much as everyone else.” 

 

She let Sami go and drew herself up straight. 

 

“You have to make a decision Sami, because the ball is in your court now.  The rules have changed and I’m not going to be manipulated by the past anymore.  So, it is down to you to decide if your family is important enough to you to make the effort.  Because I have tried and tried, but nothing is ever going to change until you try too.” 

 

She picked up her purse and her gloves from the table.

 

“If you want to talk to me, all it will take will be a word from you and I will be here.”  She turned for the door, but with her hand on the knob, she turned back, speaking in a low, soft voice.  “I would like nothing more in the world than to make this world perfectly safe for you.  But you’re a mother now, you know that’s not possible.  Please don’t punish us all because I can’t give you the unattainable.”

 

With that, she turned and left the room, leaving Sami more than a little stunned.

 

 

******

 

 

Eric glared at his father, the angry stare of a child who could not get his own way.  Roman wondered, not for the first time, if Marlena’s parents had indulged him a little too much.  Then the thought filtered into his mind that maybe it had not been Frank and Martha Evans that had been too indulgent.  Maybe it had been him.

 

And from what he had heard from Eric, it sounded like Sami was no better, and goodness knows he had let her get away with far too much.

 

“Come on Eric,” he sighed.  “It’s not the end of the world.”

 

“You’re giving up Dad, before you even know the situation.”  The young man shook his blonde head.  “You’re giving up without even trying.  *Again*.”  The accusatory tone did not sit well with Roman.

 

“And what would you have me do?” he asked his son tersely.

 

“Come home Dad and just talk to Mom, you have no idea how she is feeling.  I think she’d be much more open to the idea of you two getting back together than you’re expecting.”

 

“That may well be true,” Roman spoke slowly.  In some ways, it was that that made him want to stay away.  Because he knew that this time, if she asked him to take her back, he might not be able to resist her.  Taking a deep breath, he focused his soft brown eyes on his son.  “Eric, I think you’re missing the point here.”

 

“Well would you like to fill me in on what this point is?” Eric demanded angrily.  “Because so far I haven’t heard one good reason for why you don’t want to give this a go.”  He shook his head.  “You know I think you owe it to Sami and I to at least *try*, I think we deserve to have a family together after everything we’ve been through.”

 

That comment was enough to stun Roman into silence.  He could barely believe he had brought up his child to be that selfish.

 

“After everything *you’ve* been through?” he asked incredulously.  “Have you even spared your mother a thought in this scheme of yours?  Have you even bothered to wonder what she might want?  Or me for that matter.”  He bit back more harsh words and fell silent for a moment.  “I would love to be able to give you the family you want and maybe even deserve Eric,” he said quietly.  “But you have a little sister who I think needs a family more than you or Sami do right now.  Belle and Brady need their mother and their father together.  I don’t want to stand in the way of that.”

 

Eric said nothing for a moment, pondering on his father’s words for long minutes.  He still thought Roman was being too premature in his decision, but obviously, he wasn’t going to have his mind changed here.  Maybe once he talked to Marlena again, he might change his mind.

 

“Okay Dad,” he conceded.  “You win.  Will you at least come home with me?  I know the rest of the family wants you back, and you can recover at home just as well as you can here.  And at least you won’t be under the ISA’s thumb at home.”

 

“Oh, they’ll keep tabs on me, wherever I am, don’t you worry,” Roman shook his head dourly as he considered Eric’s request.  He wasn’t entirely sure that he was ready to come home, to face the family, to face Marlena.  Eric was right, he had run out on her, and he wasn’t entirely sure he could come back, not like this.  The last thing he wanted was for Marlena to feel she owed him something, and he couldn’t bear thinking that she might pity him.

 

He had always wanted to be strong, to be the best husband and father he could, and he wasn’t sure how he could fit into that equation as he was.  He still had major lapses in memory and his mobility was compromised.  He had intended to only go back if he could walk off the plane unaided.  But Eric’s request had him reconsidering.  Didn’t he at least owe it to his children to be there for them?  They had been through so much already while he had been away.

 

His mind drifted back to Marlena and the last glimpse he had caught of her tearstained face as he had turned for the plane.  The little familiar ache revisited him, as it always did when he thought of her.  He knew in his heart that everything he had told Eric was right and he believed it.  He had caused her such pain and he wanted to be able to help her put her life back together.  The way he had once before.  Only this time, he wouldn’t be the one that ended up with her.

 

But if he went back, would he be able to handle seeing her with John?  Would the pain have diminished any over the last three years or would he still feel as though someone were tearing him apart every time he looked at her?  Would he be able to resist the allure of her laughter, her scent, or the way her skin felt like soft velvet?  Once he let that sunshine into his life, would he be willing and able to let it go again?

 

Roman thought all these thoughts but voiced none of them to his son.  Finally though, the answer became clear to him as he looked around the spartan room, its only decoration a photo of his family.  He didn’t belong here.

 

He looked up at Eric with a tentative smile.

 

“Actually, you know I think I quite like the idea of getting out of this place.”  Eric grinned widely.

 

“Great, I’ll make all the arrangements, don’t you worry.” He pushed out of the chair and stopped in the doorway.  “I’ll have you out of here in no time.”

 

 

******

 

 

Q found Marlena as she walked back to her car in miserable silence.

 

“How did it go?” he asked gently.  Marlena turned her luminous hazel eyes on him.

 

“Well, I took your advice,” she shrugged tiredly.  “It didn’t go any better than any other time in the last few years, but then I guess it didn’t go any worse either.”  She laid her hand over her stomach in a protective gesture, her face pale.  “I just want to go home.”

 

“Sure,” Gene opened the passenger’s door for her and helped her in.  She leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes, willing the ache behind them to go away.

 

It was only minutes from the Brady’s to Marlena’s penthouse and the drive was made in silence.  They were back inside the apartment by the time Marlena thought to ask what Eugene had done while she had been with Sami.

“I’m sure you don’t want to know,” he handed her a cup of herbal tea and helped her swing her legs up onto the sofa.

 

“Oh Gene,” she looked like she was dreading what was to come next.  “What have you done?”

 

He looked a little sheepish as he sat down on the floor next to her.

 

“I went to see John,” he said simply.  Her shoulders slumped and she shook her head.

 

“Why Gene?” she propped her elbow up on one of the sofa cushions and rested her head on her hand.  “Please don’t tell me you told him…”

 

“No, I didn’t tell him about the baby,” Q shook his head, “that’s not my place.”

 

“It wasn’t your place to go there at *all* Gene,” Marlena said a touch angrily.  “Did you really think it would do any good?”

 

“You haven’t even asked me what happened.”  Q raised his eyebrows. “And for the record yes, I hoped it might do some good.  Someone has to make you two see sense.”

 

“So, what happened?” Marlena knew John well enough to suspect what had happened.  His pride had been hurt and Eugene would probably be the ideal target for his anger and frustration.

 

“He wasn’t particularly receptive,” Q admitted, seemingly unrepentant once again.  “But I think I may have convinced him to talk to you.  Now all that remains is to convince *you* to talk to him.”

 

Marlena took a sip of her tea and let the sweet and delicate chamomile flavor filter through her senses.

 

“What’s the point?” she sounded exhausted and resigned.  “It’s like we’re strangers now.  We can’t even talk to each other.”

 

“You don’t even try for the most part.” He was persistent.  “Make the first step, at least try.  How can you know where that will take you?”

 

“But neither of us trusts each other anymore.” She shrugged her shoulders, not argumentative, just despondent.  “How can we build a relationship on that?”

 

Q watched her close her eyes and lean her head back, giving in to the fatigue that pervaded her, and he felt a doubt fall across his own consciousness.  What if he couldn’t do this, what if he had messed it up too badly for John and Marlena to find their way back to each other?

 

What would become of them all then?

 

 

Chapter 78  – Letters

 

 

 

March 17, 1997

 

 

My sweet baby,

 

I am writing this letter knowing you will never see it.  I am hoping that getting my thoughts down on paper will help me to make some sense of them. I love you so much already little one and I know that your Daddy will love you just as much as I do.  He is a wonderful man and a wonderful father to your brother Brady and your sister Belle. 

 

Little one, I do fear though that I have made too many mistakes for us to be a family, and I regret that more than anything.  Eugene is right.  You do all deserve more than I have given you.  You deserve more of me than this, and you deserve more of your father.  We have let our own fears and insecurities manifest to a point where it has become impossible to give you the family that you should be born into.  I don’t know how to make that right darling.  I wish I did.  I would give you anything in the world that I could.  I just don’t think it’s possible for me to give you that. 

 

What complicates matters is that your Daddy is expecting a baby brother or sister for you too.  Why is it fair that one family has to suffer over the other?  And who is to say who is the more deserving?  I really can’t answer that.  I can only tell you that from the bottom of my heart I love you, and I will give you the best life I know how.

 

I love you

Momma

 

 

March 19, 1997

 

 

For my son or daughter,

 

I struggle daily to make sense of this situation we have been thrown into and I worry that I am not doing a very good job of it.  When I found out the truth, I made a vow to protect you with everything I had until you were safe, and your mother and I could be together with you.  As it turns out little baby, that won’t be possible.

 

Eugene Bradford tells me I should talk to your mother and tell her the truth.  But what risk that would bring to you.  If Kristen were to ever find out….

 

I feel like I am caught in a maze that has no exit, a riddle with no answer, and the only truth is the love I feel for you and your brother and sister.  And of course, the love that I have for your mother.  That is something special baby, but I am not sure that she remembers it anymore.  I failed her too many times.  I hurt her and let her be hurt…. how can I expect her to forgive me when I can’t forgive myself…..?

 

I want you to know that I will always be here for you.  And I *will* love you and I will fight for you when you need me to.  Never doubt that your mom and your dad will *always* love you.

 

Daddy

 

 

 

March 20, 1997

 

Darling,

 

It’s late and I am off to bed soon.  Belle and Brady are tucked up and sleeping soundly.  I just love watching them sleep.  I can’t wait for you to meet them, I know they will love you as much as I do.

 

I have hired a new nanny for them, a friend of Carrie’s.  Her name is Lucie, and she is wonderful with them.  She makes them laugh in even the most serious of situations.  She tells me she knows Carrie from school, but she has been away from Salem for a while.  There is something about her……I don’t know what it is, but I find it a little unnerving.  Still, I trust Carrie’s judgement.

 

It has been a very long week and I have not heard a word from Samantha.  I don’t know what to do, it’s an impossible situation.  I have made mistakes and I wish I could turn back the clock and change things, but I can’t.  I ache for you and for the family that you should have.  It seems so terribly unfair, and you deserve so much more than I am able to give you.  But we will do the best that we can little one, and maybe someday, we will get what we wish for.

 

All my love

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena sat in her office and stared at the paper in front of her.  The words swam momentarily, and she shook her head.  She hadn’t been sleeping well and her concentration was suffering for it.  She dropped her forehead into her hand and waited for the dizziness to stop.  The last thing she needed was for everyone at the hospital to start gossiping about her ill-health.

 

It had been almost a week since she had realized that she was pregnant, but she hadn’t yet been able to find the nerve to tell anybody about it.  She couldn’t bring herself to face John again, she didn’t have the courage or the energy.  But still, she felt as though she couldn’t share the news with anyone until he knew. 

 

Eugene was still maintaining that she should talk to John and her continued refusals had caused a strained atmosphere in the penthouse.  Marlena’s biggest regret in all this was that the friendship between her and Gene had been affected adversely.  She felt she couldn’t talk to him about John anymore, he was too torn, and had too much of a vested interest in the outcome to be objective.  And she didn’t want to hurt him any more than she already had.  And so, once again, she was left to her own counsel, an unrelenting past and a fervent desire to do what was best for her children.

 

A knock at the door interrupted her train of thought and she looked up.

 

“Yes?”  The door opened slightly, and Austin’s head appeared around the corner.

 

“Hi Marlena,” his greeting was tentative, “Hillary isn’t around anywhere and I was wondering if I could have a word?”

 

“Sure come in,” Marlena was almost relieved to have something to take her mind off her own problems.  She took off her glasses and lay them on the desk in front of her.  “What can I do for you Austin?”

 

“It’s Carrie,” Austin’s chin was thick with stubble as he sank into a chair opposite Marlena’s desk. 

 

“What about Carrie?” Marlena inter-laced her fingers and rested her chin on top of them.

 

Austin sighed and crossed one ankle over the top of his other knee.  He pulled his leg toward him with both hands.

 

“I don’t know if Carrie told you Marlena, but we’ve been having some problems lately.”  He nodded with culpability, “mostly my fault I know that.”

 

“She did mention it yes,” Marlena admitted.

 

“Well, she’s gone away, and I don’t know where.  She left a note, but I haven’t heard from her for almost a week and I’m starting to get worried.”  Austin’s eyes really did convey his concern to Marlena and she felt a measure of sympathy for her son-in-law.

 

“I know she went away,” she said slowly, “in fact, it was on my advice Austin.”  She leaned back in her chair.  “Carrie has been very confused and hurt by your reaction to her pregnancy.  She feels like you’re rejecting *her* and she needs some time to deal with those feelings.”

 

“But that’s not it at all,” Austin shook his head rapidly.  “I love Carrie, I didn’t want to hurt her, it’s just things got out of control.”

 

“That’s as may be,” Marlena told him, “but you need to talk to *Carrie* and explain that to her.  And you can only do that when she decides she’s ready to come back to Salem.  Until then you have to wait and try and work out what your own feelings are on the matter.”

 

“But I’m *worried* about her Marlena,” Austin seemed agitated.

 

“I understand that,” Marlena was a counterpoint of calm to Austin’s perturbation.  “But this is Carrie’s choice, and you need to respect that if you want to make this work.  Carrie is a big girl, and she can look after herself.   I think your time would be better spent thinking about how you are going to proceed once she gets home.”

 

Her voice was firm and Austin nodded meekly.  She was right, Carrie could look after herself.  If it wasn’t for this unexplained fear that kept invading when he least expected it…… 

 

He stood with a forced smile.

 

“Thanks for your time,” he walked to the door.

 

“Austin,” her voice made him turn back.  “I know you love her.  She loves you too, you just need to learn to trust that love.  She’ll be all right.” 

 

Austin said nothing, but just nodded, apparently unpersuaded.  Marlena watched him leave the office and shook her head.  Why was it that she was so good at doling out advice, but so terrible at following it?

 

 

******

 

 

March 26, 1997

 

Well little baby, I still don’t know if you are going to be a little guy or a little girl.  They couldn’t tell at the ante-natal check-up this afternoon.  Still, maybe the surprise will be nice.  Then again, maybe there are going to be enough surprises anyway.  However, the doctors are a little concerned that you are not growing as fast as you should be.  They think that maybe the drugs that Kristen took interrupted your growth.  I must admit I am worried about you little one, the doctors cannot tell what lasting effects that might have.

 

All I can do is wait and pray that the Lord has seen fit to keep you safe.  After all that we have been through I cannot think otherwise.  Your sister Sami asked after you the other day.  I want to be able to tell her, to tell them all the truth, but I can’t.  Not yet.

 

We just have to wait I guess, it’s only a few more months and then everyone will know.  Whether it will make a difference is anyone’s guess.

 

Love, Daddy

 

 

 

March 26, 1997

 

Baby,

 

I just dropped your brother Brady back at your mother’s.  She was no-where to be seen.  The new nanny seems very nice, though I have a strange feeling I have seen her somewhere before.  There is something oddly familiar about her.

 

I saw Eugene briefly, he looks tired, and it was very awkward.  Sometimes I wonder if I was too hasty in not believing him.  Sami seems to think that Marlena is no longer “seeing” him, but that’s all I can get out of her.  I can’t tell at all these days how she feels about Marlena one way or the other.  I guess that’s better than the outright hostility that your momma has had to endure all these years.  Maybe the healing that has taken place in the relationship between Sami and I may one day set about a thaw in her relationship with Marlena.  Your mom is a wonderful person and a wonderful mother.  I only hope that Sami can one day see that.  Before it is truly too late.

 

I suppose that once you are born you will live with your Mommy.  I hope it is not too confusing for you, because it’s sure confusing for me.  I feel all turned around, I don’t know how to make sense of this situation, or even *if* there is a way to make sense of it.  I don’t understand how your mom and I have managed to do this to each other.  I love her and I am sure she still loves me. But it seems impossible for us to even communicate anymore, there are too many roadblocks between us.  Of course, it’s impossible to explain this to you, because how can I expect you to understand this if I don’t understand it myself….?

 

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena stopped in front of the shop façade and looked at the window.  The tiny outfit in the window elicited a smile from her and she pressed her fingers to the glass as she looked past it and into the shop.  After a moment, she looked around and then she stepped into the shop.

 

Inside the newness of everything assaulted her senses.  The color, the smell, the feel of the soft fabric against her fingers.  At the end of the store, parents with their newborn selected a stroller.  As Marlena neared them, the scent of new baby drifted past her, and she ached with the memories that it induced.  She would give anything to be sharing this with John, this profound joy that she felt at the knowledge of the new life within her.  But it wasn’t to be.

 

Carefully, she selected a tiny cotton nightgown from the rack and fingered the soft creamy fabric.  She could remember Belle wearing something similar when she had been a newborn.  Before everything had changed.

 

Picking up a second nightgown, she turned to look at the cribs, but inexplicably her eye was drawn upward, to the doorway.  She felt faintly sick as she saw John standing there.  Her eyes made a desperate sweep for Kristen, but John was alone.  And he had seen her.

 

For John’s part, he had seen her just a fraction of a second before she had looked up and it had hit him even harder than it had hit her.  This was the last place he had expected to find Marlena and it threw him for a loop. 

 

He stared at her for a moment, his eyes greedily taking in every detail. She had cut her hair recently and it was now in a shoulder length bob, which looked beautifully sophisticated.  She was wearing a lilac-colored spring suit which showed off her long shapely legs, and the gold at her ears brought out the gold in her eyes so that they shone.

 

“John,” her voice was breathy as she came toward him.  “I….”

 

“I didn’t expect to see you here Marlena,” his voice remained firm, belying the extent of his nervousness.  Her mere presence was enough to make his head swim, but he couldn’t let her see that.

 

“Well I….” Her eyes fell to the garments in her hands, at the same moment as John’s did.  He noticed the flush of her cheeks as she looked up again.  “I….”

 

“It’s alright,” he shook his head a little brusquely.  “You don’t have to explain.”  He wasn’t at all sure he wanted to know what her explanation was.  Whatever it was he could almost guarantee he wouldn’t like it.

 

He brushed past her and walked into the store.  He had snuck out while Kristen had been at the hairdressers, and he had come to buy something for the baby.  Kristen had already brought what seemed like hundreds of outfits.  But they had been *her* choices.  When his baby was born, the last thing he wanted to dress it in were clothes that Kristen had selected.

 

Marlena turned to watch him, crossing her arms in front of her as though she could ward off the pain that invaded her at his brush off.  It was an ache in her chest, a longing and an emptiness magnified a thousand-fold as her eyes followed him, watching the way his fingers skimmed the velvet of a little dress or the denim of a pair of shorts.  She could almost feel those fingers touching her, the familiar touch burning sensual pathways over her skin as they teased her. 

 

She froze as John turned to face her, his eyes piercing her soul as though he knew her every thought.  Closing her eyes, she gripped the rail of the crib beside her as a wave of dizziness crashed through her senses.  Seeing her suddenly pale and her distress was too much for John and he dropped the jumpsuit he was holding.  Without any thought but for her, he rushed back to Marlena.

 

“Doc, are you all right?” he asked with concern.  He had no answer as another rush of dizziness overcame Marlena.  “Doc?”

 

 

Chapter 79  – Letters II

 

 

The worry in John’s voice perforated the fog in her head and Marlena was suddenly aware of how close he was.  He was practically holding her in his arms, and she could smell the sweet muskiness of him.  Her heart tapped out a staccato rhythm as she raised her head to look at him. 

 

He was so close that she could see the flecks of grey in eyes that looked as though they had been dyed the color of the Pacific Ocean.  But, more than that, she could see the *truth* in them.  And it took her breath away.

 

Wordlessly and with sweetly excruciating slowness, she nodded. 

 

With relief, John smiled and loosened his grip on her arms.  He was almost giddy with her closeness, but he didn’t want the moment to end.  For a long minute, he was silent, just drinking in the sight of her.  He could almost imagine she was his again as his eyes traveled the familiar pathways of her face and lips. 

 

For a second, he had an overpowering urge to press his lips to hers, to see if she still tasted as honeyed as he remembered.  But instead, he backed off slightly and cocked his head on one side.

“You had me worried there for a moment,” he raised his fingers and brushed her cheek lightly.

 

Marlena took a sharp breath, his touch and his closeness almost overwhelming her senses.  She wanted nothing more than for him to kiss her but instead, he just looked at her, an unreadable expression on his face.

 

“John,” Kristen’s shrill voice interrupted the moment with a harsh shock.  “John, I’ve been looking *everywhere* for you.”  

 

Jolted out of the exquisite moment, John looked up and past Marlena to where Kristen was standing in the doorway.  Looking less than happy.  At the same moment, he felt Marlena’s muscles tense under his hands.

 

“I have to go,” she muttered unhappily as she pulled herself from John’s grip and threw the clothing she was still holding into the crib. 

 

Not even acknowledging Kristen, she brushed past the other woman and left the store.  Kristen turned and contemplated Marlena as she dodged Salem Place shoppers.

 

“Well,” she said breezily as she turned back to John, “whatever you said to *her* didn’t go down very well, did it?”

 

 

******

 

 

March 29, 1997

 

Sweetheart,

 

I saw your daddy today.  I wanted to tell him about you, I really did.  Maybe I am a coward, I just don’t know.  Somehow the words would just not come out.  And then Kristen arrived, and I couldn’t.  I couldn’t even face him anymore.  He has another family now, and I feel like I have no right to ask him to give that up.  Not after everything I have done.

 

Oh, how I love him.  It *hurts* it’s so strong.  I just don’t know what to do.

 

I came home and cried after I saw him.  I hate the tears and I hate the weakness, but I cannot help it.  I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about your daddy. 

 

I just don’t know what I am going to do.

 

Mommy

 

 

April 1, 1997

 

You know, I have been thinking about when I saw your mom the other day.  It was so *strange*, it wasn’t what I expected at all, and when she saw Kristen….  I have been thinking about what Eugene said, about how she was devastated when she found out that I had moved Kristen back into the loft. 

 

But that happened well after she started her relationship with Eugene.  I don’t understand anything anymore it seems.  I did everything I could to win her back, and I thought it was working, but then I found out she was with Eugene.  Why did she do that?  After so long?  What was the last straw for her?

 

I didn’t move Kristen back into the loft for several weeks after that.  So why was she so upset, and why did she split up with Eugene?  Was that a reason?  If I could only *talk* to her, if I could only find a way to reach her.  I thought maybe the other day I had broken through some kind of wall, but then Kristen came in and spoilt it.

 

Did everything I do mean nothing?  All those gifts I sent her?  She never returned them……  She can’t have been playing me for a fool, Marlena wouldn’t do that.  So, what am I missing?  There’s something I’m missing…..   I wonder what happened to that charm, the one that I found in the elevator?  The strawberry. When was that?  And why was it *there*?   Does it mean something?

 

I have no-one to talk to about this baby.  At least putting all my thoughts down on paper somehow helps to get them in some sort of order.  I want so much to make this right.  I do love your mother more than I can express.

 

I hate to admit it, but I think Eugene is right.  We need to talk about everything that has happened.  Maybe that is the only way to work out where we went wrong.  And maybe when we do, I will ask her about that charm….

 

 

 

******

 

 

“He wants to do what?” Maggie giggled.

“He wants to tell Bo and Hope that they’re not to come to his birthday party unless they come to their senses,” Alice shook her head with a wry smile.  “Shawn-Douglas does not like not getting his own way.”

 

“Oh, you mean he takes after both of his parents then?” Maggie leaned on the nurses’ station as she continued to smile with amusement.

 

“Well, this latest argument between Bo and Hope has him exasperated,” Alice shook her head, “he just doesn’t seem to realize that it’s simply how Bo and Hope *are*.  They’ll get over it soon enough.”

 

“They always have in the past,” Maggie agreed, her gaiety dampening as she noted how preoccupied Marlena seemed as she walked up to the desk. 

 

She watched her friend place several notes on the desk and she was struck by the ashen hue of Marlena’s skin.

 

“Marlena, are you all right?” she asked with concern.

 

“Wha?” Marlena looked up, surprised to find Alice and Maggie standing right beside her.  She had been so caught up in her own thoughts she hadn’t even seen them there.  “Oh,” she nodded her head without conviction.  “I’m fine.”

 

“If you don’t mind me saying dear,” Alice patted her hand, “you don’t *look* fine.”

 

Marlena tried to smile, but she was too tired to even put on a brave face for her friends.

 

“I just had some bad news,” she admitted in a fragile voice.  “A patient of Laura’s that I’ve been treating was found dead this afternoon.”  She pressed her hand to her mouth in an effort to hold back the tears.  “She swallowed three bottles of tranquilizers.”  She turned back to the desk, unable to deal with the horrified sympathy from Alice and Maggie.  “And I thought we had finally started to make some sort of a breakthrough.”  She pressed her fingers to her forehead and closed her eyes.  “I should have seen it coming.  I could have *done* something.”

 

“Now Marlena,” Alice’s voice was firm.  “You know as well as I do that those signs are very hard to spot.  You can’t blame yourself, if that was what she was determined to do there was no way you could have stopped her.”

 

“But I’m a *psychiatrist* Alice,” Marlena railed with angry self-recrimination.  “I *should* be able to see the signs.  That’s my job.”

 

Alice was just about argue the point when Marlena became even whiter and reeled slightly, grabbing hold of the desk so that she didn’t give into the blackness entirely.

 

“Marlena!”  Maggie’s voice grounded her, and she felt her friend’s arm slide around her.  “Here, come and sit down.”

 

Marlena meekly let Alice and Maggie lead her to the seats in the small waiting area across from the nurses’ station.  Bowing her head, she took several deep breaths, willing the buzzing that plagued her head to go away.  Finally, she looked up into Maggie’s concerned eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured as she leaned back against the seat

 

“Marlena dear,” Alice eyed her with a knowing air.  “Is there something else that’s bothering you?”

 

Marlena looked at Alice with wide eyes.  She should have known that if anybody would guess, it would be Alice.  After all, Alice had been her confidant during her pregnancy with Sami and Eric, and back then, she had seen the signs even before Marlena herself.

 

“Oh Alice,” she shook her head as much as the exhaustion would permit.  “I should have known I couldn’t hide it from you.”

 

“Hide what?”  Maggie looked from Marlena to Alice with a mixture of confusion and anxiety.  Marlena turned to the sweet readhead with a rueful smile.

 

“I’m going to have a baby Maggie.”

 

“You’re pregnant?” Maggie blurted out.  “But Marlena, that’s wonderful!”

 

“That *is* wonderful news,” the sarcasm in the deep and familiar voice was unmistakable and Marlena’s heart began to pound with fright.  Looking up she found John standing in front of her, Kristen hanging off his arm.  Closing her eyes, she clutched the side of her seat to steady herself.  He wasn’t supposed to find out this way, especially not with Kristen here.  This is all wrong.

 

John looked down at the blonde woman sitting in the seat and he felt as though he was looking at a stranger.  The pain tore at him as he watched her open her almond shaped eyes and look back at him.  It was though they were the only two people in the room for a moment and he felt his mouth go dry.

 

“That’s fantastic Marlena,” Kristen’s ecstatic whine cut through his senses, snapping him back to reality.  “You and Eugene must be thrilled!”  She couldn’t quite believe this stroke of fantastically good luck and she was going to rub it in for all it was worth.  “We’ll have to throw each other baby showers.  This is going to be so exciting!”

 

Marlena barely heard what Kristen was saying, she was so transfixed by the betrayal and anger in John’s dark eyes.  She opened her mouth to tell him that Kristen was wrong, that it was his baby, not Eugene’s but he cut her off with his own corrosively biting words.

 

“Give Eugene my *congratulations* won’t you Marlena,” he said with icy exactness, the stiffness the only thing protecting him from collapsing completely.  He had been a fool to think they could ever work it out.  “I do hope you’ll be very,” he paused, letting his bitterness seep through his words, “happy.”

 

With that, he turned away.

 

“Bye Marlena,” Kristen couldn’t resist one final chance to increase her glee.  “We’ll have to have dinner some time and compare notes.” Hooking her arm tightly through John’s, she led him away.

 

Marlena felt sick as she watched them go, but somewhere inside her, a spark of anger ignited.  Once again John was assuming without even bothering to ask the obvious.  What right had he to be angry at *her* when he was walking around with the rather pregnant Kristen on his arm?

 

“Marlena?”  Maggie turned back to Marlena, quite shocked at John’s obvious hostility.  “Is he right?  *Is* the baby Eugene’s?”  It certainly wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility.

 

Marlena looked at Maggie, her growing anger obliterating all sense of fair play.

 

“Of course it’s Gene’s,” she replied curtly.  If John wanted to believe that was how it was, then who was she to disillusion him?  Two could play at *that* game.  “After all, John is *always* right, isn’t he?”

 

“Marlena, I…” Alice put her hand on Marlena’s arm, hoping to calm her down.

 

“Thanks for your concern, Alice, Maggie, but I have a lot of work to get through this afternoon,” abruptly she stood up.  “I’ll talk to you later.”

 

The two Horton women watched her go, and Alice shook her head.

 

“I hope she knows what she’s doing,” she sighed.

 

“You don’t believe her?” Maggie raised her eyebrows and ran her fingers through her wavy auburn hair.

 

“Do you?” Alice asked pointedly.

 

“Uh-uh,” Maggie turned to her mother-in-law, the sympathy she felt for Marlena’s predicament plainly obvious.  “I just don’t understand what’s happened to the two of them.”

 

“Nor do they,” Alice shook her head sagely.  “And that’s their problem.”

 

 

******

 

 

April 3, 1997

 

Marlena’s tears spilled onto the blank sheet of paper in front of her.  It happened every time.  Every time she allowed herself the singular small spark of hope that maybe, one day she and John might be able to talk and patch things up.  Every time that small spark was extinguished by something that left her more desolate than the last.

 

Sweet baby,

 

I am so sorry.  The last thing I ever wanted to do was lie, especially after all the pain it caused last time.  But it hurts *so* much.  I am starting to wonder if this pain will ever diminish.  When they lay you in my arms, will that at least ease this ache that I live with?

 

How could he do that?  How could he just *assume*?  He must know it is possible that you are indeed his child.  Is it just that he doesn’t care anymore?

 

Marlena put the pen down and wiped the tears from her cheeks.  In her mind she could see Kristen, with that smug smile, reveling in the pain that they were suffering.  Sometimes Marlena just wanted to reach out and wring her neck.  If it weren’t for Kristen….

 

She shook her head.  She couldn’t think like that.  What was done was done and she couldn’t undo any of it.  John knew the facts and he was living with the woman.  And Marlena didn’t know how she was going to ever face him again.

 

I can’t imagine my life without your Daddy in it.  I can’t imagine suffering this pain every time I see him.  Maybe it is best that he does not know about you. 

 

I can’t believe I am even writing this.  Of course it’s not best.  But I just don’t know what to do any more.  I love him more than I can begin to express, but he is tearing me apart with his words and with his actions. I can’t be around him when every time I do I feel like I’m falling apart.  I can’t live this way.  Gene was right, I used to be stronger than this.  What happened to me?  And how do I make it right?

 

Marlena paused and pushed her short blonde hair off her face.  In a gesture of defeat, she dropped her pen on the table.  She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 80  – Realities

 

 

Kristen flinched as John slammed his keys down on the bench before he went to switch the jug on.  He hadn’t talked to her the whole way home, and a part of her was exceedingly annoyed that Marlena’s news should have this much of an effect on him.  But mostly, she was just thrilled that Marlena would now be out of their lives for good.  John had lost his claim on her with this latest incident, and nothing could please Kristen more.

 

“Honey?” she said carefully.  “If you’re making a cup of tea, I would just love one.”  She watched him lean over the sink and take a deep, calming breath, and somehow that one gesture broke the dam on her patience.  “You know John,” her voice became unintentionally snarky, “I would have thought that you would have been *pleased* for Marlena.”

 

“*Pleased?*” John turned on her, his face darkly unambiguous.

 

“Yes, *pleased*.”  Kristen pulled off her gloves and laid them on the table.  “At least she’s getting on with her life now, she’s not hanging around pining after you when she knows she can’t have you.  You have a *new* family to look after now, and she knows that.”  Pulling off her coat, she disregarded John’s mutinous glare and carried on.  “You should be glad that she’s happy and making a new life for herself.  If you weren’t, I would have to wonder why.”

 

She eyed him with the challenge hanging between them, and John was tempted to tell her to go to hell.  He had never hated her more and he just wanted this responsibility to be at an end.

 

“Of course, I’m happy if she’s happy.” John forced the foreign words from his mouth.  “I’m just not sure that she’s not being taken for a ride, that’s all.” He ran his fingers through the thick dark hair that was now lightly peppered with grey.

 

“John,” Kristen raised her eyebrows, “Marlena’s a big girl now.  She knows how to look after herself and make her own decisions.  You don’t have to be her savior anymore.” With a groan, she lowered herself onto the couch.  This baby might not be growing as fast as it should, but she still felt the size of a house.  She couldn’t wait until the next couple of months were over.  “You know she’s known Eugene Bradford considerably longer than you have.  I would think she knows what his motives are by now.”

 

Kristen’s words made sense, but John didn’t care.  He didn’t want to believe any of them.  He just wanted Marlena. 

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena transferred Belle to the nanny’s waiting arms and smiled at the young woman.

“Now you be a good girl and I’ll be upstairs to tuck you in soon,” she told her adored daughter.  “Thanks Lucie.”  Lucie simply smiled brilliantly and walked upstairs with the giggling Belle.

 

Marlena leaned on the banister for a moment and watched them, glad that she had Lucie’s help.  This pregnancy was really draining all her energy and every single moment of rest she could snatch was precious.

 

Q came out of the kitchen and saw her standing there, her face wan and drawn.  He was becoming increasingly worried about her as the days progressed and she became even more withdrawn.  He couldn’t seem to reach her anymore since she had closed him off along with everything else in the world that had caused her pain.

 

“Come and sit down,” he turned the lights down and then took her hand and led her to the sofa.  “Now would you like to tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked innocently.

 

“Marlena, do we have to play this game every time something happens?” Q sighed.  “I’m not stupid, I can see something is wrong, and you need someone to talk to.  I’m here.  How about you give it a go?”  Marlena’s eyes filled with exhausted tears as she shook her head.  Gene saw her clenched fists and moved closer to her.  “Come on Marlena.  You can’t carry this on your own, it’s not healthy for you, *or* the baby.”

 

“It’s not that simple,” Marlena covered her face with her hands and pulled her knees up in front of her.  She just didn’t want to have to deal with this right now.

 

“It’s very simple and you know it.” Gene rose from his position at the foot of the sofa and moved up to where he was sitting behind her.  Ever so slowly and gently, he began to massage her shoulders, feeling the muscles in tight bunches under his fingers.  Finally, he felt her begin to relax and she uncovered her face, allowing the kneading of his fingers to continue up her neck.

 

“That’s better,” he whispered into the blonde, fragrant tresses that hung around her ears.  “Now, shall we try that again?”  It was a moment before Marlena nodded her head in defeat.  He was right, this continual stress wasn’t good for the baby.  Leaning back against him, she closed her eyes and mustered up some sense of calm.

 

“Do you remember a while ago,” she asked in a small voice, “there was a patient I was upset about?  It was the day you took me out for lunch at that little Italian café. “

 

“I remember,” Q nodded his head, and he slipped his arms around her as she moved to a more comfortable position.  “You were worried about her.”  Marlena nodded her head and then pressed her fingers to her eyes and took a deep breath.

 

“With good cause it seems.” Her voice was low and tremulous.  “She killed herself this morning.”

 

“Oh Marlena,” Gene tightened his arms around her, suddenly understanding her distress.  “I’m so sorry.”  Folding her arms over the top of his, she laced her fingers between his warm ones.  Deep down, she knew she shouldn’t be doing this, it wasn’t fair to either of them, but she needed the warmth and the security that he offered tonight.  His love and his friendship were the only things that she had to hang onto right now.

 

“So am I,” she murmured.

 

It was several moments before Eugene became aware of her against him.  Until now he had successfully managed to separate his desire for her from their friendship, but holding her like this, feeling the way her warm body molded against his, the soft fragrance about her filling his senses, it became all too painfully real.  But he could feel the way she clung to him, the way she needed him right now and he couldn’t let her down.  Not like he had done before. 

 

Instead, he whispered his lips over her hair and then he gently rested his cheek against her soft tresses and listened to her gentle breaths.

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen sat on the sofa and watched John as he stared out the window.  Her mood had fallen from the high she had been on when she had returned, and she was feeling decidedly spiteful.  John was far too morose for her liking and there was only one reason for that.  And that was Dr. Marlena-The-Saint-Evans.  Rolling her eyes, she pushed herself up from the sofa and lumbered towards the stairway.  Pushing past John, she muttered an “I’m going to bed.”  She couldn’t bear John in this mood.

 

John didn’t even turn when he heard Kristen, he just continued to stare out the window over the darkened rooftops.  He felt like he was in a nightmare, and he couldn’t wake up.  Every time he turned around, Kristen was there, making his life a misery, wanting him to play house.  He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this lie up.  Even the two months until the baby was born seemed like an interminable stretch at this point.

 

And then of course, there was the new revelation.  Marlena and Eugene were going to have a baby. 

 

Maybe you’re being too hasty.  The voice spoke in the back of his mind.  A spark of hope lit his blackness momentarily but then it died. It couldn’t be his baby.  If it was his baby, she’d be at least four months pregnant and she’d be showing it.  And besides, she would have told him by now.  She would have known long ago, and she would have *told* him.  If he knew anything about Marlena, he knew how important her children were to her.  He had lost so much with Belle; he knew Marlena wouldn’t put him through that again.  Not if she knew.

 

So that left the obvious alternative.  Marlena and Eugene’s relationship might be over, but they had been left with a ‘souvenir’, however unexpected.  John wondered how long it would be before they were back together.  If they weren’t already.  For all Eugene’s protestations that Marlena could only be happy with John, he couldn’t see him leaving Marlena alone and pregnant.

 

Maybe that was what he had planned all along.  Maybe that was why he had come over the other day, so that he could have a good laugh when John fell flat on his face when he went to talk to Marlena.

 

John rubbed his eyes.  He could see her now, as she had been the other day, haunted, hazel eyes in a beautiful pale face.  He had just wanted to take her in his arms and protect her from the hurt and the pain.  Well, now he knew why.  There hadn’t just been pain in those eyes; there had been guilt.  Maybe that was why she had been in such a hurry to get out of there.

 

He shook his head and rubbed his fingers over his face with an exhausted sigh.  He didn’t know how many more surprises he could take.

 

 

******

 

 

“There’s more,” Marlena told Q after a while.

 

“More?” He only raised his eyebrows.

 

“John found out that I’m pregnant,” she said with deliberate nonchalance.  “But he thinks it’s yours.”

 

“He thinks *what*!?” He pushed her away from him and turned around so that she was facing him. 

 

Marlena lifted her eyes slowly to his.  She had known he would be angry.  Shrugging casually, she looked away. 

 

“He seemed to think that was the only option.”

 

“What *happened* Marlena?” Q ran his fingers through his own dark hair.  This couldn’t be happening.

 

“He overheard me telling Maggie and Alice,” she looked at Eugene defensively, “it had been a bad day.”

 

“And he assumed that the baby was mine.” Q finished for her as he shook his head.  “And I suppose you didn’t care to enlighten him.”

 

“Well, why should I?” Marlena crossed her arms and pulled them tightly to herself.  “As usual, he *assumed* and didn’t bother to find out whether his assumption was correct.”  Her lips thinned as she remembered John’s reaction.  “If the thought is that abhorrent to him that he can’t even take the time to *wonder*, why on earth do you think I would *want* to disillusion him?”

 

“Because he *is* the baby’s father and he does have a right to know.” Q sounded close to defeat.  It was though around every corner there was a new obstacle to overcome, and he couldn’t particularly blame Marlena for wanting to give up.  Was John Black really worth all this pain?

 

“Well, what about *my* rights?” Marlena asked angrily.  “*She* was there with him.  And I do *not* want my child to grow up with that witch as a step-mother.” Barely maintaining a reign on her anger, Marlena stood and walked across the room to the French doors.

 

Q shook his head.  This was becoming far too complicated.

 

“Do you not think that if John knew the truth it might change his decision?” he asked gently.

 

“What, because I’m pregnant with his child *too*?” she couldn’t help the bitter resentment in her voice.  “Why should that make any difference to him?  Belle is his daughter.  He’s not here with his children now, is he?  Why should one more make any difference?”  She took a deep breath, releasing some of the simmering anger as she let her shoulders slump.  “I don’t even know why I want him back anymore,” she said, dejection heavy in the air.  “I don’t know if the pain is worth it.”

 

“Of course it is,” Q came up behind her, his hands gentle on her shoulders.  “You love him.”

 

“Do I?” Marlena shrugged her shoulders and turned around to look up at Eugene. “I don’t know any more.”

 

 She searched his face for some hint of what he was thinking.  His eyes, a dusky brown, glittered with the reflection of the candlelight behind her.  Reaching up, she traced the fine lines beneath his eyes with her the tips of her fingers. 

 

“You look tired,” she whispered as her arms slid smoothly around his neck.  Lifting her lips, she brushed them lightly across his. 

 

Gene’s heart was pounding as his hands encircled her waist and his mouth sought out hers in a hungrily passionate kiss.  It was a moment before he came to his senses and pulled back from the kiss.

 

“Take me away Gene,” she whispered desperately.  “Let’s take Belle and Brady and go, somewhere where they can never find us.”

 

Q smiled sadly and pulled back, loosening her arms around his neck.  Tenderly, he brushed the long bangs behind her ears and pressed his lips to her forehead.

 

“You know we can’t do that sweetheart,” he shook his head.  “It’s not right and it wouldn’t be fair to anyone.  Least of all you.” 

 

Marlena returned his gaze, her eyes sad and regretful.

 

“I know,” she nodded her head, “I’m sorry.”  Q said nothing, but simply held her as she leant against him. 

 

But for an odd moment, Q felt as though he were being watched and he raised his eyes to the landing that looked over the penthouse.  There, they met the green, almost cat-like eyes of the children’s new nanny, Lucie.  Noting that he had seen her, Lucie raised her eyebrows knowingly.  Then she turned and walked back to the bedroom.

 

 

******

 

 

John walked through the deserted corridors of the hospital.  The silence was eerie, the clicking of his heels echoing off distant walls.  Oddly, there was no scent in the air, the typical medicinal smell washed away into nothingness.

 

He checked inside the first room, his breathing shallow in his chest.  Nothing.  The second room yielded nothing more than the first.  The third room was across the hall, the door bathed in a pool of garish yellow light.

 

Crying.  He heard crying. 

 

He swung the door open and inside, in the middle of the empty room, stood a baby’s crib.  John smiled with relief.

 

“Daddy’s here,” he crooned softly as he neared the crib.

 

“Don’t bother John,” a voice came from the doorway.  John wheeled to see Eugene standing there.  “I have them all,” his mouth twisted into a condescending sneer.  “You lose.”

 

You *lose*.

 

Those all too familiar words echoed in his head as he turned back desperately to the crib.  It was empty.

 

Spine-chilling laughter filled the air and as John spun again, Bradford’s grinning face was replaced by Stefano DiMera’s nefarious image.

 

“I have them all John.”  The laughter resumed, deafeningly.  “Checkmate.”

 

 

John sat bolt upright in his bed, his heart racing.  Breathing deeply, he wiped his brow, which was covered in a thin sheen of moisture.  Looking over at the clock, he saw it was only just after midnight.  He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the unsettling images.

 

Seeing Marlena in the hospital earlier that day had been so unexpected it had left him breathless.  Somehow, he kept expecting it to get easier.  But it didn’t.  Every time he saw her, he felt as though someone were physically kicking him in the stomach.  And then to hear that she was expecting a baby….

 

He had thought, up until today, that when the baby was born and he could tell Marlena the truth, that everything would be all right somehow; that she would understand what had happened.  And then they could be together again.  But now everything had changed.  Marlena had a new family; she had that new life that she had talked about.  And she was right.  He wasn’t in it.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 81 – The Prodigal Sons

 

 

Marlena checked her notes one last time before she took her glasses off.  Pinching the bridge of her nose, she lay her glasses down on the desk and swiveled her chair round to where she could look out of the window.  The sky through the blinds was a baby blue, unmarred by clouds, a declaration of imminent spring.

 

Laying her hands on her stomach, she smiled slightly as she felt the gentle swelling beneath them.  As with Belle, she was barely showing still, but she could feel the growing life inside her and it filled her with a sense of incredible peace.  Even through the strain of everything else that was going on in her life, the knowledge that she was sheltering a new life was a constant source of wonder to her.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear her mind of the turmoil that seemed to constantly taunt her.

 

After a moment, she was interrupted by a knock at the door.  Letting out a noiseless sigh, she opened her eyes and swung her chair around, taking the time to compose herself.  Wondering idly where Hillary was, she invited her caller to enter.

 

With his heart fluttering madly in his chest, Eric turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.

“Hi Mom!”

 

Marlena’s mouth fell open as her son stepped through the door.

 

“Eric?” It might have been a question rather than a statement of fact.  It had been some time since Marlena had been able to get back to Colorado and it had seemed that during that time, Eric had left adolescence behind and become a handsome young man.  For his part, Eric was glad to see that his mother looked no different to how he remembered, despite all that she had been through.  In a way, he hadn’t realized how much he had missed her until this moment.

 

“Yeah Mom, it’s me.”  He could feel the silly grin on his face as her eyes filled with tears, but he couldn’t wipe it off.  He didn’t really want to.

 

Although she was practically blinded by her tears, Marlena stood and wiping them away with a choked giggle, she made her way to where Eric was standing.

 

“Look at you!” She reached out tentatively and touched Eric’s wavy hair.  Taking everything in, in one sweeping glance, she smiled proudly.  “You look wonderful.”  She pulled Eric into a close hug.  “Just wonderful.”

 

“You look great too Mom,” Eric finally responded as he stepped back from the embrace.

 

“Oh, how I’ve missed my boy,” Marlena smoothed his ruffled hair back off his face.  “Where have you been?”  She tugged on his hand.  “Come and sit down and tell me everything you’ve been doing.  I want to know it all.”  She had an eager grin on her face and Eric suppressed a smile.  He’d forgotten how infectious her excitement was.

 

“There’s plenty of time for that, Mom,” he let her lead him to the seats in front of her desk.  “I’m more concerned about you.  Sami told me that things haven’t been going so well.”

 

Marlena ignored the familiar niggling pain that his words wrought and brushed them off.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she waved as though the motion could slough off the heartache of the last few months.  “Hardly anything that you need to worry yourself with anyway.  I’ll be just fine,” she shook her head with a little motherly indulgence, “I always have been.”

 

“Mom.” He was unconvinced as he studied her.  Her well applied make-up hid her paleness and the dark smudges under her eyes.  But not well enough.

 

“Please Eric,” she was suddenly serious, the softness of her voice masking something else, a slow, unbending sadness, an ache that she did not want to discuss. 

 

“Okay,” Eric nodded, suddenly with a smile on his face.  She needed cheering up, that much was plain to see, and he knew just how to do it.  “You wanna know what I’ve been doing then?”

 

“You know I do,” the grin returned to her face, accompanied by a measure of relief.  “How has school been?”

 

“Great,” he was dismissive, “but before we get into all that there’s something that’s much more important.”

 

“What?” Marlena was thrown by his sudden turnaround.  Eric had always been so proud of his school grades, and he had been doing exceptionally well the last time she talked to him.  She wondered what could be deemed as more important.

 

“I just came back from Australia Mom.” He seemed amused by the mystery.

 

“Australia!” she shook her head and blinked in surprise.  “I didn’t even know you were travelling.  What were you doing in Australia?”

 

“Well, I think you might understand in a couple of minutes,” he couldn’t contain the excitement and he shrugged his shoulders.  “And I think you’ll be really thrilled,” he told her as he stood.

 

“What *are* you talking about?”  Marlena had not even the slightest idea what Eric was hinting at.

 

“You’ll see,” he winked at her and went to the door, which he opened.

 

“Eric,” her voice rang out into the hallway, even as he left the room.  Shaking her head, she pushed herself up out of her own chair to go and investigate her erstwhile son’s disappearance. 

 

But when she looked up, she understood completely.  For at the door, stood Roman Augustus Brady.

 

 

******

 

 

Will scrambled past her into the living room, racing his fire-engine to an imaginary fire as Sami carried a basketful of washing into the kitchen.  She dropped it on the table and watched her son playing happily in the living room.  Some days she felt guilty that he was an only child, no little brother or sister to keep him occupied, but then she would look around the apartment and a flash of reality would hit her.  She was barely making it as it was.  Another child was out of the question.

 

And then there was Carrie.  Her baby would be not only a cousin for Will, but also a half-brother or sister.  She smiled oddly at the thought.  How incestuous.  It was at times like this that she would feel a touch of shame for what she had done to her sister and Austin.  In her childish quest to be loved, she had almost ruined the lives of two good people.  And there was no way she could make that up to them.  She couldn’t and wouldn’t wish Will away, she could only make a vow to be the best sister, auntie and mother that she could.

 

As they had many times in the last few days, her thoughts strayed to her own mother and the conversation in the Brady kitchen.  Somehow, before, Marlena had always been untouchable, a cold, unfeeling ice goddess, beautiful, but not quite real.  Mistakes with Marlena were not mistakes, they were simply a means for Sami to barter her freedom, to rid herself of her need for her mother’s love and approval.  They were the scissors Sami used to untie those maternal apron strings.

 

But now…. now was suddenly different.  If there was a way to pinpoint it, Sami didn’t know it.  Suddenly her mother was a person, and Sami felt *her* need for love and approval and she identified with it.  She had always thought they were so different, that Marlena could never understand how Sami felt, after all, she was perfect.  Now though, she knew they were just the same.  They had both suffered, and they had both fought to overcome.  Even when they were further apart than they had ever been, Sami suddenly felt as though they were far closer. 

 

Sami shook her head.  Could one word really undo all the damage that had been done to their relationship?  Marlena had made her apology, more than once.  It was down to her now.

 

The phone made itself heard with an insistent ringing that bulldozed over the top of Will’s contented rambling and Sami picked up the receiver.  It was her grandma on the other end and Caroline simply issued a mysterious request.  Be at the pub in half an hour.

 

Sami put down the telephone and looked at her adorable son.  Shrugging, she picked up his shoes and carried them into the living room.

 

 

******

 

 

“Roman?” It was little more than a breath as Marlena felt her stomach turn.  This was the last thing she had expected, and she wasn’t completely sure how she felt about it.

 

“Hey Doc,” for his part, however much he thought he had prepared himself for this moment, he realized it wasn’t, and never could be, enough.  She was even more beautiful that he remembered, more beautiful than when she had come to him in his dreams.  The sight of her brought back an avalanche of memories, ones he was not sure he was strong enough to withstand, and he could only stand there and stare at her.

 

“Roman I…” her mouth hung open as she looked first at him and then at Eric.  “You found him in *Australia*?” she asked in confusion.

 

“Yup,” Eric nodded, a wide smile plastered across his face.  “It’s great to have him back isn’t it?”

 

Marlena said nothing, but turned back to her ex-husband, a myriad of emotions flittering across her face.

 

“Oh Roman,” Her voice broke into a happy sob as she flung herself into his embrace.  Roman grinned as he closed his arms around her. 

 

“It’s good to be home Doc.”

 

Eric watched his parents with a smug smile as he watched them hug.  They were both in tears now and he knew it would only be a matter of time before they both realized that they were now exactly where they needed to be.

 

It was a moment before Roman pulled back and looked at Marlena.  The slow twitch of the corner of his mouth into a smile didn’t quite hide the surprise in his eyes, but only Marlena saw it.

 

“Hey Doc,” his voice was soft and gentle as he tapped her nose with his index finger, “you’re not supposed to cry.”  Marlena’s answering laugh was choked in fallen tears and she quickly wiped them away.

 

“This was the last thing I was expecting,” she admitted with a nod.

 

“You’re not angry, are you?” he seemed uncertain.

 

“Angry?” she looked almost shocked that he should consider such a thing.  “Why would I be angry Roman?  I can’t think of anything more wonderful than you being back.”  She squeezed his hand.  “We’ve all missed you so much.”

 

He shifted slightly, taking the weight off his bad leg as he told her that he had missed his family too, and for the first time, Marlena saw the cane in his hand.  Now that the shock of his reappearance was wearing off, she really looked at him and she saw the signs of a hard-fought battle.

 

“Roman,” she reached out and touched the scar that marred his eyebrow with one shaking finger.  “Roman, what happened to you?”

 

“That is a story better left for another day,” he sidestepped the question.  “Right now, I just want to spend time with my family.”

 

“We’re going to the pub,” Eric interjected with a certain smug satisfaction.  “You should come Mom.”

 

“Well, I…” Marlena looked at the pile of files on her desk and then she looked back at Roman with a smile.  The paperwork could wait.  “Just let me get my coat.”

 

 

******

 

 

John Black sat at his desk and stared at the pile of mail in front of him.  He had really been unable to concentrate on work at all for the last few days, but it got him out of the house and away from Kristen and that was all he cared about for now.

 

Chewing on a ragged thumbnail, his gaze traveled to the picture of Belle and Brady with he and Marlena.  It had been taken in Aremid, just over a year ago. 

 

Aremid, where he had finally realized that he couldn’t live without her in his life.  Where he realized that it was she that he loved and would always love.  And then, out of fear and a misguided sense of what was best for Marlena, he had walked away.  A big mistake among many such mistakes.

 

He shook his head and placed the frame face down on his desk. What was the use in torturing himself like this?  It was all over.

 

With a sad heart, he picked the top letter off the pile, and fingered the envelope.  Turning it over, he noted that it must have been hand delivered as there was no postmark on the envelope.  His name was typed in bold black letters, standing out starkly against the white of the envelope.  John picked up the letter opener and slit the heavy flap.

 

As he opened the envelope and withdrew the sole content, his stomach began to churn.  For between his fingers, he held a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, and on it was printed, starkly black against the white, the letter C.

 

 

******

 

 

 

Sami sat at the bar and stared glumly at her orange juice.  Shawn and Caroline obviously knew what was going on and they couldn’t keep the sappy grins from their faces, but Sami couldn’t get a word out of them as to what it was.  So, she just sat and waited as they organized the bar.

 

She barely heard the door open behind her, but she saw Caroline’s beaming smile and she knew whatever the reason, whoever, or whatever it was, was here.

 

“Peanut?” A gentle and familiar voice behind her made her heart leap and she spun around on the barstool in complete shock.

 

“Daddy?” She couldn’t believe that he was standing in front of her.  He looked older and there was a wisdom and a suffering in his eyes that she couldn’t comprehend, but he was her daddy, and he was home.

 

“It’s me Sami,” she looked older to his eyes, more grown up and there was an air of sophistication about her that he was unfamiliar with.  But a sudden, brilliant smile burst from her, and she flung her arms around her father. “I missed you peanut,” he murmured into the long, flaxen hair.

 

“I missed you too daddy,” finally Sami pushed back and laid her eyes on her twin.  “Eric!”  That was almost as much of a surprise as to see Roman, and she fought back traitorous tears as she embraced her brother.

 

“Hey Sam,” he grinned broadly.  It was wonderful to be back with his family, where he belonged.

 

Marlena watched her children and their father with a heartfelt smile.  If for no other reason she was grateful that Roman was back for their children.  They had needed him, and maybe he could make some impression where she had been unable.

 

Roman turned back to his ex-wife with his arms around Sami and Eric.

 

“Don’t they look great Doc?” he asked with a proud smile.

 

“Great,” she agreed, crossing her arms in front of her.  “It’s wonderful to have you both back.”

 

“Hey, we should have a family portrait,” Eric prompted suddenly.  “The prodigal sons return.”

 

“What an idea that is!” Shawn was ever ready to chime in.  He had never given up the secret hope that he harbored for a resurrection of Roman and Marlena’s marriage and he would do anything he could to encourage that.  He slipped through the doorway before anyone could tender an argument.

 

“Doc?” Roman wasn’t sure that Marlena was particularly thrilled with the idea, but she turned to him with a gracious smile.

 

“I think it’s a wonderful idea.”  It was so important to Eric, what could it hurt?  She was just so happy to have them both back safe and sound, she would have agreed to almost anything.  “Sami?” she turned to her daughter uncertainly, her heart beating swiftly.  She hadn’t seen Sami since their conversation the other day and she had no idea how her daughter was going to react to her presence.  She just hoped that Sami wouldn’t ruin the moment for her father and brother.

 

“Sounds great,” Sami nodded thoughtfully as Shawn re-emerged with the camera.

 

With his officious Irish brogue working overtime, Shawn soon had them arranged in front of the bar, with Roman and Marlena the center of the picture, Sami by her father’s side and Eric by his mother’s.  The flashbulb blinked several times in quick succession before Roman proclaimed that enough was enough.

 

Trying to hide the dizziness she felt, Marlena searched quickly through her purse for her cell phone as Caroline poured them all drinks.  Gene had offered to pick her up from work and she wanted to waylay him.  The fewer questions Roman asked right now, the better.

 

“See Dad,” Eric nudged his father, “Look how happy Mom is to have you home.  I told you she would be thrilled.”  His excited smile conveyed every transparent intention as he lowered his voice.  “I know what you said back in Sydney, but I really think that if you give it a chance, you and Mom could make each other very happy.”

 

Sami watched Marlena pick up the cell phone and dial as she overheard Eric’s comment.  She flicked her brother an incredulous glance as she looked back at their mother.  Sure, on the surface Marlena seemed happy.  Sami had no doubt that she was genuinely happy to see Roman home, but there was something else.  Under the slightly too forced smile, there was a simmering sadness and Sami had no doubt of the cause.  The same cause as always.  John.

 

Sami had observed her mother too many times as off late to be able to ignore the truth.  Marlena was miserable, however she tried to hide it, or deny it, and Eric was just deluding himself if he thought otherwise. 

 

She looked at her father who was also watching Marlena with an unreadable expression.  Sudden confusion clouded her thoughts.  She had always thought that if and when her dad came back she would, without a doubt want her parents to work towards a reconciliation.  Now, she wasn’t so sure.  It was so painfully obvious to her how much John and Marlena loved each other, even if they couldn’t always see it themselves.  And she didn’t want to see her father chasing some impossible dream; she couldn’t bear seeing him hurt all over again.

 

Shaking her head, she accepted the coke that Shawn handed her.  She had to stop thinking that things couldn’t get any more complicated, because in the Brady family, they always did.

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen picked up the magazine and began to flick through the pages.  The notepad in front of her was filled with scribbled notes, many of them crossed out.  John’s increased absence of late had proved a boon, with all the work that he had to catch up on, he had left her alone in the loft, providing Kristen with plenty of time to hatch this delicious scheme.

 

Tapping her finger on the picture in front of her, she scrawled down a number and then flicked through the phone book next to her.  Finding the number she was looking for, she dialed and then waited patiently.  Minutes later, she hung up the phone with a satisfied smile.  Money certainly did talk, and today it talked *fast*.

 

With a smile, she eased back onto the sofa and regarded the picture with a satisfied smile.  If the dressmaker was as good as her word, she would look glorious when she walked down the aisle.  After all, it wasn’t like John hadn’t already married *one* pregnant woman.  She was just going to have to make sure he couldn’t refuse to marry her.

 

 

******

 

 

Roman laughed at the good-natured ribbing between Eric and Sami.  It was so long since he had laughed, it was an almost blissful feeling.  Bo, Hope and Shawn-D had arrived shortly after the picture taking and they had been joined by Austin, Abe and Lexie bringing the party to full swing.  The atmosphere in the pub was one of thanksgiving and joy at having both Eric and Roman home, and Roman was reveling in it. 

 

But suddenly he became aware of something else.  Looking around he saw Marlena walking away from the gathered group, her arms wrapped across her front as though she were warding off in imagined chill.  The smile dropped from his face as he watched her stare out of the window.  Eric had been wrong.  She wasn’t happy.

 

Oh, she was happy to have him home, that much was genuine, but he knew Marlena *so* well.  Well enough to know when she was putting a brave face on things.  Well enough to know that however hard she was trying to hide it, she was desperately unhappy.

 

Looking around, and seeing that no-one else had noticed, he slid off the stool and made his way over to where Marlena leaned against the wall.

 

“Doc?” she seemed lost within herself, and he was struck by the fact that although she looked much the same, she seemed very different.  “Marlena, what’s wrong?”

 

His gentle voice fell over her like a soft blanket, settling on her sad heart and searing it.  The guilt still traveled with her, and his presence served as a reminder of her transgressions.  But more than that, it served of a reminder of what she had lost and how much she hurt.

 

“Nothing’s wrong Roman,” the smile glistened in her eyes, lighting the honeyed hazels with a warm glow.

 

“You forget who you’re talking to,” he leaned against the wall in front of her.

 

“Oh, I could never forget that,” Marlena shook her head with melancholic calm.

 

Roman looked at her for a moment, the familiar curves of her face wringing out his heart.  He had thought he was ready for this.  He had hoped.  But the grief that he sensed lay hidden beneath the surface stilled any fanciful notion that might have taken hold.  He had made that particular mistake once before.  And he had paid for it – in blood.

 

“Doc, I didn’t want to say anything in front of the kids,” he began cautiously, “but I know.”

 

“Know what?” Marlena had no idea what he was talking about, but then it wasn’t like there was any lack of things to choose from.

 

“I know about the baby,” his voice was low and somber, “I know you’re expecting a baby.”

 

“You…,” she looked at him in shock before her eyes flitted quickly around the room.  As far as she knew, no-one here knew about the pregnancy.  “How?”  She turned back to him, her eyes revealing her fear of his answer.

 

“Doc,” he allowed himself a small smile, “I know you so well, I know the signs.  I knew the moment I hugged you back in your office.”

 

“Oh,” she pressed her fingers to her lips, trying to hold back the tears as her eyes darted around the room before finally settling on him.  She hadn’t wanted him to find out this way.  She had wanted to explain to him.  She owed him that much.

 

“It’s okay Doc,” he reached out and carefully took her hand in his.  “I just thought that maybe you could use a good friend to talk to.”  She said nothing, but the guilt and the pain in her eyes just killed him.  He wondered what it was that had brought her to this point and how big a part he had played.  “We used to be good friends, didn’t we?”  His voice was little more than a whisper as he squeezed her hand and stroked his thumb over the backs of her fingers.

 

“The best,” she whispered as the tears tumbled from her eyes, sliding swiftly down her cheeks until they dripped from her jaw, like a slowly leaking faucet.

 

“I know we’ve been through some tough times,” he smiled, lightening the moment, “but Doc, we started off as friends, and I want you to know that I will always be here for you.”  The words were hard to say, they were almost a signal of concession, but he knew that they had to be said.  For her sake.  He had hurt her badly when he left, now he had to make it up to her.  “I’ll always be your friend Marlena.  If you need me, if you want to talk, I’m here.”

 

Marlena’s fingers flitted over the fallen tears, ineffectually brushing them away as she let Roman’s words sink in.  His velvety brown eyes conveyed the depth of sincerity and in a moment of clarity she realized he no longer bore any grudge over what had happened.  Maybe just a measure of sadness and regret over what they had both lost. 

 

But still, he couldn’t completely hide the truth from her.  He was struggling with seeing her again, with the feelings reinvested and she couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him again.  So, quietly she nodded and squeezed his hand in return.

 

“Thanks, Roman, but I’ll be okay.”

 

Any further chance for argument on Roman’s part was waylaid as Hope came over and, taking both their hands, led them back to the impromptu party.  Eric’s laughter rang out over the crowd as Bo toasted the return of his truant brother and Abe followed up with a toast to the Brady Bunch.  To the young man, this return was an unqualified success and as he saw his father slip his arm around his mother’s shoulders, he grinned gleefully.  This was going to be a piece of cake.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 82 – One on One

 

 

“You were so angry,” Marlena’s laughter echoed through the penthouse.

 

“Yeah, well you should have seen your faces when you realized that bum was me!” Roman’s laughter mingled with Marlena’s and it was joined a moment later from a quiet chuckle from Gene.

 

“I thought you were going to knock my block off,” he admitted from where he sat on the floor. 

 

“I thought about it,” Roman’s grin was wide.

 

“We were only trying to help you Roman!” Marlena protested weakly.

 

“Yeah, and where have I heard *that* before?” he winked at her as he picked up his glass of wine.

 

It was a little more than a week since Roman had returned and despite Marlena’s avowal that she would be fine, Roman had made it his business to stick fairly close to her.  As a consequence, he had spent some time at the penthouse with Marlena and Eugene and naturally, they had spent a good deal of that time lost in nostalgia.  But still, he was no closer to finding out from either Marlena or Gene what had been going on.  Every time he had tried to broach the matter, Marlena had closed up and had quickly changed the subject.

 

He watched her as she picked up her orange juice and took a sip.  Her face was flushed with good humor, but below that, he sensed a darkness that haunted her.  If she had been controlled before he left, her need for control appeared to have only increased. 

 

He halfway heard Eugene crack a joke and smiled in response but really all his attention was focused on his ex-wife.  Most of the time he could deny his feelings, tell himself that really, being her friend was fine and that he could deal with that.  But sometimes he would turn around and her eyes would be shining, or there would be something in the way she smiled, and he would be lost again.

 

This was one of those moments.

 

“Roman?” she turned to him, suddenly aware of his silence.

 

“Hmmm?” he shook his head, trying desperately to free himself from the trance in which he was suddenly entangled.

 

“You were just awfully quiet all of a sudden,” she smiled with a little self-consciousness.

 

“I was just thinking about that case,” he replied evasively.  Feeling Gene’s eyes on him, he turned to look at the other man. 

 

The knowledgeable glance confirmed everything he suspected, and more.

 

 

 

******

 

 

“I think it’s going really well Sam,” Eric squeezed some lemon juice into the casserole dish.  “He’s over at Mom’s again.  If the amount of time they’ve been spending together is any… indication,” he lifted the heavy, cast-iron dish and slid it into the oven, “well, I think that Dad might have underestimated the situation.”

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Sami’s voice was quiet but firm as she peeled her third carrot.  “I think *you’re* underestimating Mom.  She’s been through a lot you know.  Don’t expect her to go running into Dad’s arms just because he came home.”

 

Eric turned around and looked at his sister with a slight air of surprise.

 

“That doesn’t sound like *you* Sis.  You sound like you don’t *want* them together.”  Sami was silent for a moment, contemplating his words.

 

“If that’s what they *both* want then of course, I’d be more than thrilled,” she told him.  “But,” she led into the qualification carefully, “I guess what with everything that’s happened around here since Dad’s been gone and especially recently, I’m just not entirely convinced that Mom and Dad …” she faltered for a moment, not quite believing these words were coming out of her mouth, “… belong together anymore.”

 

“Of *course* they belong together Sam.”  Eric looked incredulous that she would even contemplate such a thing.  “I mean look at her, she’s alone and miserable.  Dad coming back is just what she needs.”

 

“That’s exactly my point Eric,” Sami put down the carrot and knife and wiped her hands before she turned around.  “She *is* miserable and you can’t tell me that’s *still* because Dad left.  She’s been through so much since he’s gone.  And it’s been John that she’s turned to.  I’m sorry but I don’t think she’s really in love with Dad anymore.”

 

“You’re not telling me you think she should be with John Black!”  Eric looked quite appalled.  He had looked to his twin for support in his quest to reunite his parents and the last thing he had expected was for her to take John’s side.

 

“What I’m saying,” Sami hedged her bets as she picked up the knife again, “is that I think it’s Mom’s decision who she wants to be with, and we shouldn’t be interfering.”

 

Eric eyed his sister suspiciously. 

 

“Since when did you change your tune?” he asked churlishly.

 

“Since I grew up,” Sami said impatiently as she dropped the knife and turned around again.  “I have a son, Eric, and I have to think about him and what’s best for him.  Maybe I understand that Mom’s first priority is Belle and Brady.  And maybe I can see the way she looks at John, how happy she was when she thought they were getting back together and then how devastated she was when it didn’t happen.  You don’t understand what we’ve all been through Eric because you haven’t been here.”  She glared at her brother.  He had touched a raw nerve with his righteous declamation, and she had recognized something of herself in him.  And she didn’t like it.  “You can’t just say something should happen just because *you* want it to happen.  There are other people’s feelings involved here.”

 

“Yeah, like Dad’s.” Eric became defensive.  “He’s still so in love with Mom, Sam.  I can see it every time he talks about her.  You know,” his eyes narrowed in accusation, “he’s our *father* Sami, we owe him some sort of loyalty.”

 

“Yeah, well maybe he owed *us* some sort of loyalty when he *left* us,” Sami was suddenly defensive.  “But he left anyway didn’t he?”  She picked up the knife and took her anger out on the remaining carrots.  “And I don’t see why,” she threw the carrots into a saucepan, “it’s always Dad that commands our loyalty.  What about John?  He was the one that brought us up.  He *was*, for all intents and purposes, our father when we were kids.  He took care of us, he protected us, and he loved us.  Don’t we owe him something for that?  At the very least some acknowledgement.”  She took a breath, almost surprised at her own vehemence.

 

“I think *John Black* gave up any claim to our concern when he broke up Mom and Dad’s marriage don’t you?” Eric’s voice was icy.  “God Sami, I can’t believe you’re defending him.”

 

“Well, I’ve spent too many years feeling angry and miserable because I blamed Mom and John for something that was beyond their control.  I was too young and selfish to understand before, but I think I finally do, or at least I’m trying.”  She sounded tired, as if she didn’t expect her words to make any difference to Eric but like she had to voice her feelings anyway.  “I’m tired Eric.   I’m tired of the endless hostility between us all.  And that’s not Mom and John’s fault.  It’s *my* fault.  And if you don’t watch out it will be your fault too.  It’s Mom’s life and she’s going to do what’s right for her.  I think you’d be better off concentrating on your *own* life than obsessing over something you have no ability and no right to change.”

 

Wiping her hands again, she walked out of the kitchen, leaving her words to ring in Eric’s ears.

 

 

******

 

 

“Dr. Evans?” Lucie stood at the stop of the staircase.  “Belle’s having trouble sleeping.  I wondered if it’s not too much trouble…” She didn’t have to finish her sentence as Marlena was already on her feet. 

 

Roman and Q watched her ascend the staircase and disappear into Belle’s bedroom.  Then Roman turned to Gene.

 

“Since Doc is so good at avoiding the subject, do you think you might tell me what’s been going on around here?” he asked quietly but with a firmness that indicated that he wouldn’t be letting go of this.

 

“I don’t know…” Q shook his head unsure exactly what Roman wanted to know and even less sure if Marlena would want him to know it.

 

“Well, why don’t we start with the rumors I heard about you and Marlena,” Roman raised his eyebrows.   “Are they true?”  He really already knew the answer, having seen Gene and Marlena in each other’s company, but he wanted to hear it from Eugene’s mouth.

 

Q sighed.  He had wondered how long this would take to come up and he wasn’t at all sure what Roman’s reaction would be.  But he guessed he would find out soon enough.

 

“Yes, they’re true,” he admitted quietly.  “It’s over now obviously, but Marlena had been through a rough time and it just kind of…happened.”  It sounded lame but it was the best he could do without going into any specifics.

 

“Kind of… happened?” Roman looked at Q, unsure of what to make of his evasiveness.

 

“Look Roman, I don’t know what to say to you,” Gene admitted.  “It’s rather an awkward situation for all of us and I don’t know how much Marlena would want you to know about what has been happening around here.  But I do think that it is her place to tell you and not mine.”

 

“But she’s not telling me, is she?” Roman felt frustrated.  He suspected they were trying to protect him, the truth certainly had the power to wound.  But he had to know where he stood, where Marlena stood.  “Gene, she’s lonely and miserable, I can see that.”  He sighed.  “She’s changed an awful lot since I left.  I know some of the reasons behind that, but I want to be able to help her, and I can’t do that if no-one will talk to me about the things that really matter.” 

 

He paused but his wait for a reply was unrewarded.  Looking back up to the landing, he asked the question that had been praying on his mind.

 

“This baby, is it yours?”

 

Gene started.  He hadn’t realized that Roman knew about the baby.  Marlena had made it perfectly obvious to him that she didn’t want people to know that the baby was John’s, but he couldn’t lie to Roman.  Not Roman, of all people, after what he had been through.

 

“No,” he answered quietly. “It’s John’s child.” 

 

Roman nodded almost imperceptibly but said nothing.

 

“Roman,” Gene’s voice was tentative. “You’re right, she is miserable.  I’ve tried to help her,” his voice echoed with the evidence of his guilt, “but I think I’ve pretty much screwed up.”  He paused, letting the admission hang between them.  “I don’t know what your expectations are, but you say you want to help her and all I know is that right now she really could do with some help.”

 

“Well, I already said that I want to help her,” Roman repeated, slightly frustrated.  “But she’s shutting me out.  I don’t know how to reach her.”

 

“She’s shutting *everyone* out,” Q assured him.  “But you probably know better than anyone how to reach her.  And more than anyone else I think she would listen to you.”

 

Roman nodded thoughtfully.  Maybe Eugene was right.  Maybe it was best to hear this straight from Marlena.  Then there would be no misunderstandings.

 

“I think,” Q rose to his feet and pulled his keys out of his pocket, “I might go out for a while.”  Roman contemplated Gene’s offer and then nodded agreeably.  It would definitely be easier to talk to Marlena if they were alone.

 

“We’ll talk later,” he wasn’t about to let Eugene off the hook regarding this.

 

“I fully expected we would,” Gene nodded his head.  If John was protective of Marlena, he couldn’t expect Roman to be any less so. 

 

Bidding Roman good afternoon, he left the penthouse, closing the door quietly behind him.  Roman watched him go and then looked around the penthouse.  He hadn’t spent much time here after Marlena had moved out of the house but the time he had spent had been awkward and the memories seemed to jump at him as he looked around the beautifully decorated room.  He could particularly remember the night he had come to see her and had found John here.  With wine in their hand, they had told him it was not what it looked like.  That didn’t stop the ache in his soul though as he realized that John would always be in Marlena’s life.

 

 And now here it was, all over again.  Marlena was having John’s baby.  But this time Roman knew, he had the chance to do something right, and he had to quash those memories lest they overwhelm that desire to mend what he had once broken.  He knew what he had to do, he just had to find the strength to do it.

 

 

******

 

 

The sleek, dark car pulled up at the curb, and the door opened smoothly.  A pair of long, slender legs swung out of the opening and the young blonde emerged with an air of expectation.  The driver of the car exited and pulled the suitcases out of the trunk, depositing them on the sidewalk next to her.  She pulled out a note, tipped the man, and waited until the car roared into life again.  Then she picked up the suitcases and walked into the building.

 

 

******

 

 

“Where’s Gene?” Marlena asked as she reached the bottom of the steps.

 

“He had to go out,” Roman was non-committal as to the precise nature of Eugene’s business.  “Did you manage to get Belle to sleep?”

 

“Yeah,” she smiled.  “She was just a little restless.  A little reassurance from Mommy works wonders.”

 

“You always were great with her.” Roman told her softly.

 

“So were you,” Marlena sat on the sofa next to Roman, a tentative smile on her face.

 

“I loved her,” Roman said simply.  “She’s a beautiful little girl Doc, she looks just like you.”

 

“I know you loved her,” Marlena felt the faint echo of betrayal in her words.  “I’m still so sorry for everything Roman.”  Roman, however, shook his head.

 

“You’ve apologized enough Doc.  We’ve both done things we shouldn’t have.  Let’s not live in the past any longer.”

 

“All right,” she looked unsure, but nodded her head.

 

“Does John know about the baby?” Roman steered the subject not so gently in the direction he wanted it to go.  Marlena looked at him a little abrasively and she laid her hands over her stomach, as if to protect her unborn child from any harm. 

 

“Doc,” he sighed softly.  He needed to make her see that she could trust him again.  “Doc, this is me remember?  I’m not going to betray your trust.  It’s just a simple question.”

 

“Yes,” at length, Marlena nodded her head and relaxed the muscles in her arms and shoulders a little.  “He overheard me telling Maggie and Alice.”

 

“Does he know it’s his baby?” Roman probed further.  Marlena swallowed and looked at Roman.  Behind the gentleness in his beautiful brown eyes, there was a determination that told Marlena he wasn’t going to let her get away with any smokescreens.

 

“No,” she admitted quietly, ‘he doesn’t know.”

 

“He thinks it’s Eugene’s then,” he guessed correctly.

 

“How did you…?” she looked surprised and more than a little uncomfortable.

 

“Gene told me,” he said with quiet assuredness.  Sensing Marlena’s indignation, he continued.  “It’s all right Doc.  He didn’t exactly offer it up.  In fact, he was reticent about telling me anything without your say so.”  Roman offered her a smile.  “He’s pretty protective of you.”

 

“Oh,” she really couldn’t find anything to say.  She hadn’t expected Roman to ask these questions, let alone be so precise as to the nature of the situation.

 

“So, he thinks the baby is Eugene’s,” Roman repeated, trying to elicit some kind of response from her.  She looked at him, crossing her arms more tightly across her stomach and pulling her feet up on the sofa.  Then finally, biting her lip, she nodded slowly.

 

“I didn’t tell him that,” her voice trembled slightly, “it was his conclusion.”

 

Roman saw the pain in her eyes and he ached for her, and for himself.  The truth was devastatingly obvious, however much she tried to hide it.

 

“Oh Doc.” He laid one of his hands over the top of hers.  Marlena blinked and looked at it.  She had always loved his hands.  “What happened?”

 

“What didn’t happen?” she shook her head defeatedly and leaned back against the cushions.  “It’s been a mess from beginning to end, Roman.”  She pressed her lips together.  “He’s with Kristen you know.” She nodded her head at Roman’s surprised glance and pressed her lips together.  “And what makes it oh so convoluted is that *she’s* having his baby too.”  Roman said nothing and Marlena gave a shallow, bitter laugh.  “I suppose that probably confirms everything you’ve ever thought about him, doesn’t it?”

 

“What *I* think about him doesn’t matter Marlena,” Roman curled his fingers around Marlena’s hand.  “It’s how *you* feel about him that’s important.”

 

“Roman I…” she shook her head, blinking the tears away.  She couldn’t do that to him.  “I know you just want to help, but really this is just best left alone.”

 

“Oh c’mon Doc.” Roman felt frustrated by her continuing sidestepping of his questions.  “An idiot can see you’re miserable over him and I think you need to talk to someone.  Gene says you won’t talk to him, so talk to me.”

 

“I *can’t* Roman,” she shook her head and pulled her hand from his, crossing her arms in front of her.  She cared about him so much, she couldn’t bear hurting him again.  And she knew that was inevitable if he kept probing.  If she had to admit just how much she loved John and how much this situation was tearing her apart.

 

“Why can’t you?” he tried to keep his voice soft and gentle.  She didn’t need any more pressure, just his patience.

 

“Because,” she pressed the back of her fingers to her mouth, trying to hold in the hurt and the tears.  At last, she shook her head, “Roman, I don’t want to hurt you. And I’m afraid I will if we keep discussing this.”

 

 

 

******

 

 

Sami lay on her bed and stared up at the ceiling.  In some strange way the talk with Eric had crystallized things in her own mind.  Hearing the words that she had clung to for so long coming from her brother’s mouth had made her realize how shallow and selfish they were.  And seeing Roman had oddly brought her to some form of conclusion.  She loved her father, but she was still angry at him for leaving.  It had seemed so simple before.  Everything that she had held against John and Marlena for so long was their fault.  Now, as an adult, she could see that there was more than one party to blame.  Like every human tragedy, no one was perfect. 

 

But her father had run away.  When she needed him most, he had simply left.  She didn’t really blame him.  She just knew now that nothing was easy, and nothing was written in stone.

 

Rolling over, she looked at the telephone.  Biting her lip, she contemplated it for long minutes.  One word.  That was what she had said. 

 

Sami took a deep breath and picked up the receiver.  With nervous preciseness, she dialed the number for her mother’s penthouse.  But even before it began to ring, an uncontrollable fear rolled through her and instinctively she slammed the phone back into its cradle.  Angrily, she swept the phone and the rest of the contents from the bedside table so that they crashed onto the floor in a broken heap.

 

Sami ignored the timbrous whine of the dial tone and rolled over.

 

 

******

 

“Doc,” Roman had expected this, but he wasn’t quite sure how to reply to her concerns.   He looked down and then looked at her again.  “You know, we’ve both been through a lot in the last few years.  And I think we’ve both changed quite a lot too.”  He smiled ruefully at her.  “I had a lot of time to think in the last year and I admitted a lot of things I had been denying even since we got back together.”  It was hard to say this, but he knew he needed to.  For both their sakes.  “What happened, well it was something none of us could very well control.  But even taking away fault and blame, it changed things between you and me Marlena.  I left,” here he paused, “and I would understand if you couldn’t forgive me for walking away from you.  But things are different now.”

 

“I understood why you left,” she said quietly.  “I didn’t like it, but I understood it.  What I didn’t understand is why you didn’t come back when your children needed you so.  Now,” her eyes flickered on the scars that could not quite be hidden by the clothing he wore.  “Now I think I understand that too.”

 

“We can talk about that later,” Roman didn’t feel comfortable talking about what had happened yet.  Aside from Eric, Shawn and Bo were the only members of the family who had any idea of the extent of the hell that he had been through.  Marlena didn’t need that to add to her guilt collection.  “You know Doc, when we were married, we shared everything.  But we can’t do that now.  Things have changed between the two of us.”  Marlena nodded her head carefully, unsure of what he was getting at.  Roman reached out and took her hand again.

 

“I can’t deny Marlena, that I still love you,” he said as gently as he could.

 

“Oh Roman,” she shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.

 

“No, let me finish Doc,” he stared down at the fingers that he held in his own, those so familiar, yet so strange.  “It’s not the same anymore.  It never can and it never will be again.  I’m not asking you to come back to me because I know it would never work between us again.”

 

Marlena raised her free hand and flicked at cheeks.

 

“I wish,” she said simply “I wish none of this had ever happened.  I wish that we could be as happy as we were when we got married.”  She looked at him with pleading eyes.  “We were incredibly happy weren’t we?”

 

“*Incredibly*,” he smiled as he used his index finger to wipe away the tears from under his eyes.

 

“Roman, I do still love you,” she felt her heart aching wishing, not for the first time that she could only love one man at a time.

 

“But you love John more, I know.”  More than anything, Roman wanted to see Marlena happy again.  She had hurt him and in turn he had hurt her terribly, making her as unhappy as she had made him.  And she had paid for that mistake and that guilt with four years of her life.  He had no right to take any more from her.  “Doc, I think you need to talk to John.  It’s him that you need to be with now.”

 

Marlena, looked at him, her eyes shining with abject misery.

 

“But that’s just it Roman, I don’t think it’s possible for us to be together anymore.”  She shook her head in distress.  “I’ve made such a mess of things between us.  I don’t think John even wants to know me now.”

 

She felt Roman squeeze her hand and she clung to it as if it was a lifeline.  Roman pulled her to him and hugged her.

 

“Don’t worry Doc,” he murmured into her soft hair.  “We’ll find a way to fix it.  It’ll be okay.” 

 

But silently he vowed that if John Black hurt Marlena again, this time he would be held to account for it.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 83 – Back to the Past

 

 

Marlena stood at the open window as Roman came out of the kitchen with two mugs of tea.  They had been interrupted earlier by the children awakening from their nap, but feeling the tension apparent in the apartment, Lucie had elected to take the children to their grandparents with, no great argument from Marlena.

 

For a moment, it was all too much, and she lost herself in the fiery sunset, allowing it to fill her senses with the soft breeze and muted sounds as well as the incredible colors. 

 

The cobalt of the evening sky was shot with threads of a burnished copper-gold, glowing brighter even as she watched.  Ducks flew from their late afternoon vigil on the water, silhouetted against the last light of a sinking day and the world seemed to pause, just for a moment.

 

Minutes passed and Roman simply watched her, watching the heavens that spread in front of her.  The threads darkened to a deep flaming orange before softening to a dusky pink and all the while, the blue between darkened to a majestic indigo as the sunset melted into dusk.

 

Finally, the glow around the hills subsided and Roman felt the chill of the spring evening.  Putting the mugs down, he moved behind Marlena and gently laid his hands on her shoulders.

 

“Doc?”

 

He felt the shiver ripple through her, and she rubbed her upper arms ineffectually.

 

“Doc, come indoors.”  Turning luminously blank eyes on him, she eventually nodded and let him lead her inside.  Closing the door behind them, he made sure she was comfortable on the couch and then handed her a cup.

 

Steeling himself he looked at her again and waited until she turned her eyes to his.  He had been asking her about what had happened after he had left when she had broken down in tears.  She had made it as far as telling him about Stefano’s midnight visits when suddenly it became too much for her, but Roman hadn’t known what to do. 

 

Always, in the past, he had been able to hold her, to soothe her tears and her fears away.  But now he just did not know what to do to help her, she was so self-contained.  The wall she had built around herself was seemingly impenetrable and even when he touched her, he was not really touching her.  In some way he felt responsible for what she had suffered, he had been the one to leave when she had been so vulnerable.  He had promised to always be there for her, in good times and in bad times, but when she had needed him most, he had given in to his own pain and he had run as far and as fast as he could.  He had thought it the only way to survive.  Now, seeing her again, he knew he had made a terrible mistake.  One that he could not reverse.

 

As much as he loved her, as much as he now realized that surviving without her was merely that, just surviving.  He had abandoned her, and the children, and he knew that had changed him in her eyes.  She would never love him again the way she had once, he could see that in her eyes.  And in his absence, she had given her heart completely to John, however little he might deserve it.

 

He looked at her wan face and felt a twinge deep within him.  It was all he could do to keep it from blossoming into a fully-fledged, keening grief.  God, he loved her so.  He hadn’t realized it until now.  He only hoped he had the strength to keep the truth from her, she didn’t need that burden too.  All he could do now was to try to be the best friend he could.

 

Trying to stop his hand from shaking, he closed it over hers and she started at his touch.

“You were telling me about the blackouts,” he prompted tenderly.  Marlena swallowed almost convulsively at his words and looked up with haunted eyes.  She hated talking about it, rehashing the living nightmare that she had suffered, but she felt she had to help Roman understand.  At least she owed him that.

 

“It was almost Christmas,” she said in a faint voice, her knuckles white where she gripped the mug.  “It was…. there were *things* happening in Salem,” she stopped and struggled for a deep breath, trying to bring voice to the hell that she had been through, “terrible things.  They called it the work of a vandal and they dubbed him ‘The Desecrator’.”  Her eyes clouded over as she dredged up the painful memories.  “They even asked me to put together a psychological profile.”  She shook her head, her eyes wet with tears.  “I was feeling so *lost*.  Day by day I was slipping away from the people that I loved, I felt so isolated and so terribly afraid, but I didn’t know why,” she shrugged her shoulders as if to minimize the terror.  “I was blacking out for periods of time; I’d find myself somewhere and have no idea how I got there….and I was becoming weaker and weaker….” She bit off her words trying to stop the tears from tumbling down her cheeks but failing.  Using the back of her hand, she wiped them away quickly. 

 

That simple gesture unleashed a myriad of emotions in Roman, but he fought to keep his face neutral as Marlena continued. 

 

“I’d never felt more alone, and I had no-one to turn to anymore….” Her voice was anguished as she spoke again and Roman felt as though he was being wrung out

 

“Oh Doc,” he knew her intention wasn’t to try to make him feel guilty, but he did, nonetheless.  The fear and pain of what she had been through was still so alive in her voice and etched in every tense muscle in her body and he wondered if she had ever talked about it since.  If he knew Marlena, she hadn’t.

 

“I…” her voice failed her as she considered recounting all the terrible things she had done.  “I guess subconsciously at a soul level, I was fighting it, but I was losing the battle.  I began to lose more and more time…”  She swallowed again and leaned over to place her mug on the table.  Pulling a tissue from the box, she began to worry the edge of it.  “That particular phase culminated in the d….” she couldn’t say it, even now.  To say it felt frighteningly like an invitation, “in me trying to shoot John.”

 

Roman’s eyes widened but he said nothing.  Another small tear escaped her eye, spilling over the dark lashes and down her pale cheek.

 

“I…” she faltered, trying to tell herself that the feelings of pain and guilt belonged to another time.  “I ended up in hospital.  Mike must have run a hundred tests to find out what was wrong.  But they couldn’t find anything.  Not anything medical.”

 

She sighed softly and leaned back against the cushion as Roman gave her hand a comforting squeeze.

 

“I thought I was going crazy,” she said quietly.  “They were telling me I did such *terrible* things and Pat Hamilton wanted to try me for attempted murder.”   Roman noticed that her hand had curled up into a ball beneath his own. “And then,” her breath failed her for a moment, but she forged on, her voice tight with the stress of the past, “Stefano became involved again.”

 

“Doc,” Roman’s voice was soft, like smooth crimson wine and it lifted her out of the almost-trance that she had sunken into.  “Doc, it’s in the past.  It has no power to hurt you now sweetheart.  It’s just a memory.”

 

“It’s *not* just a memory Roman,” she shook her head vehemently, her features taut with distress.  “When you live something like that, it’s always with you.  It’s dormant, but the terror is always there.”

 

“Doc,” Roman shook his head.  He was only making things worse for her, not better.  “This can’t be good for the baby.  If you don’t want to talk about it, we can find something else to do.  Turn on the TV,” he shrugged his shoulders, trying to soothe her with a wavering smile.

 

“No,” she shook her head, “you need to know.”  She bit her lower lip, trying to work out where to go next.  She couldn’t recount all the time she had spent fighting for her life and for her soul.  It would take forever.  “John had decided to try and live as a priest until he got his release from the church.  Lucky for me.”  Her lips twitched at the corners, but she couldn’t manage a smile.  “The….*it* apparently didn’t think my soul was enough.  It wanted John too.  And it used me, my body to try and…..” she couldn’t bear to look at Roman so she lowered her eyes, “seduce John into renouncing his vows.”

 

“That would be rather a temptation,” Roman admitted.  He wasn’t sure if he had found himself in the same situation that he would be able to resist her.  He was finding it hard enough now and she wasn’t even trying to tempt him.

 

“Luckily not enough,” she said in a low voice.  “It came close, but Kristen suspected the truth and she stopped John from giving in.”

 

“Kristen?” Roman had heard about Kristen’s later crimes, and he could hardly reconcile the two versions of the woman he had once known.

 

“I know,” Marlena nodded her head.  “I’ve given up trying to make sense of it.  I suppose with the DiMera’s, anything is possible.”

 

“So how did it…. end?” Roman asked her gently.

 

“John finally realized the truth,” Marlena tore another tissue from the box and wadded it up in her hand.  “But by then it was almost too late.  It had taken complete control.”  She couldn’t even bear to think about what John had told her had happened.  The demon had possessed her body completely, violating her, raping her soul as it fought to keep her.  Even now, it was only her faith in God that helped her to somehow overcome the fear and the loathing.  But she thought about it as little as she could, and she talked about it even less.  “I was still there…. John knew.”  She looked up at Roman, latching onto the one center of goodness in that time.  “He fought for me Roman.  They tried to…” she choked on the word and Roman clutched her hand worriedly, but she waved his concern aside.  “They tried to exorcise *it* from me.  John had to lead it, there was no-one else.”  She shook her head, her eyes shining and Roman could see the unmistakable conviction in them.  “He fought *so* hard, he just refused to let me go.”  For the first time, a real smile appeared on her face, and Roman had no doubt why that was.  The love and courage that John had shown for her then had sealed her love for him, even as much as she might have tried to deny it.

 

“But the devil played a trick on them.” Her face stilled as she recalled the pain in John’s eyes when he told her what had happened, how he had thought he had failed and lost her forever.  She had wondered at that point if he would have made it if she had really died.  She wasn’t at all sure he would have.  “They thought I died.  My body appeared dead.”  She found herself swallowing again and then she shivered as a strange feeling flittered through her emotions.  It was almost like a memory, of being entombed within her own body, of begging John to hear her, even as he walked away.

 

“Dead?” Roman felt strangely lightheaded as he contemplated the reality that they had almost lost her and he was nowhere near.  He wouldn’t have even known.  Marlena nodded slowly.  “Body bag, morgue, the works.”

 

“Then how…?” Roman shook his head, barely able to believe this bizarre tale but knowing it was only too terrifyingly real.  Marlena found a second smile from somewhere deep within herself, and the tension that had been evident throughout the past hour suddenly evaporated.

 

“John,” she laid her hand over her gently sloping stomach, “he just couldn’t, he *wouldn’t* believe that I was gone.” She paused, contemplating that bond that she shared with John, the bond that had brought him back to her, that had saved her life and her soul.  If she thought it about it too long it was almost overwhelming and it made this separation even more insane.  She shook her head and made a concerted effort to bring her attention to Roman.  “He came down to the morgue.  Three times I think,” she smiled gently. “It was there that he fought the final battle with the demon.”  She looked up at Roman, her eyes a honeyed amber, trying, willing him to understand.  “He offered himself for me Roman.  He offered the devil his soul in exchange for mine.”

 

She was still awed by that.  That anyone would give themselves up to an eternal hell for the sake of the person they loved.  But then she couldn’t say she wouldn’t do the same for John.  Maybe it took something so incredibly and devastatingly final to make you realize the simple truth.

 

Roman silently ached as he held her hand.  He understood only too well.  He had understood better than anyone, even when he had left Salem.  It had taken a battle with the hounds of hell to make them understand what he had already known.  But still he wanted to cry.  It didn’t stop him loving her, that knowledge.  If anything, her innocence, her need to do what she felt was right, only made him love her more.

 

“So, what happened?” Roman shook his head.  “How did that beat it?”

 

“Because the offer was made out of pure goodness and love,” Marlena’s voice was husky.  “The devil tried to accept the deal, but he couldn’t keep John’s soul because God was on his side.”

 

“How long had it been?” Roman asked quietly. 

 

“It was August when it finally left Salem,” she said, matter-of-factly.  “The drought finally broke….and things started to get back to some semblance of normality.”

 

“But not for you,” Roman guessed succinctly.

 

“Not for me.” Marlena repeated as she shook her head.

 

She picked up the mug from the table again and swallowed the warm liquid in several large gulps as she contemplated the aftermath of what had happened.  How she had been filled with a guilt that had shut her off from everyone but Stefano and how John had turned back to Kristen.

 

“I had done such terrible things,” she still carried a hint of the guilt that had plagued her in her voice.  “I had hurt people and I felt I had to redeem myself somehow.  I knew in here,” she touched her head, “that it wasn’t my fault, but in my heart,” she pressed her balled fist to her chest, “I couldn’t get past it.  I couldn’t stop feeling guilty, I had to make some sort of reparation.”

 

“So, you took it on yourself to rehabilitate Stefano?” Roman asked with a little disbelief as he remembered what Eric had told him.  Marlena shrugged defensively and looked him squarely in the eye.

 

“I did what I felt was right at the time,” she told him.

 

“I know Doc,” Roman nodded slowly, his chocolate-colored eyes solemn, “I think I understand in some way.  And I don’t blame you.”

 

“John didn’t understand,” she shook her head, “we just fought and fought, he refused to see why I needed to do it.”

“Maybe all he could see was the fact that Stefano put you in that danger in the first place,” Roman suggested.  “I know *I* couldn’t be particularly sympathetic to that bastard.  Not now and certainly not in that situation.”

 

“I know he couldn’t see past that,” Marlena nodded in acquiescence, “but it left us at a stalemate.  He went off with Kristen and ……” she swallowed again and folded her arms across her stomach as she pulled up her knees.

 

“And you were alone,” Roman finished for her.

 

“Not quite,” she said, “Stefano was here, remember?”

 

“I remember,” his face was neutral but there was steel in his voice.

 

“He had lost his memory Roman,” Marlena said defensively.  “It wasn’t like he was the Stefano DiMera that you know.  Well, not for a while anyway.”

“I’m not blaming you Doc,” he assured her gently.  “I’m not saying that I think you shouldn’t have done it, it’s just a little hard for me to come to terms with I suppose.”

 

Marlena inclined her head slightly indicating she understood, but she said nothing.

 

“So, what happened with good ol’ Stefano then?” Roman ploughed on.  Marlena stiltingly told him about Will’s birth and how she had arrived in Aremid with Stefano just to hear Tony, with his final breath, accuse John of killing him.  Leaving out the details of how she had obtained Tony’s diary from Stefano, she told him about the nightmare of John’s brush with the gas chamber and how Stefano had been determined to make her his, once again.  How waking up with John at her side had been the most wonderful thing she could imagine, but how, once again, she had ended up alone as John had gone back to Kristen. 

 

“Why?” Roman shook his head in disbelief.  “Why, after everything the two of you had been through?  I don’t understand how he could just walk away from you.”

 

“I think we were so afraid of hurting each other and everyone else that it was just easier to believe that there was nothing between us, that the other just wanted to be friends and nothing more.”  Her chest ached as she considered that turning point in their lives.  “I suppose the guilt of the past was just too overwhelming to let us move on with a future together.  And there was Kristen….”  She felt sick as she said the name.  Aremid must have been when it had all started, when Kristen had seen John’s true feelings and begun her manipulations to hold onto him. 

 

She looked up at Roman and saw that he was struggling to understand. 

 

“But if John had *really* loved you, wouldn’t it have been kinder to let Kristen go at that point?” he asked, obviously not convinced that John had really known what he wanted.

 

“It would have but….” she bit her lower lip.  “Wait here,” Roman didn’t query her, but watched her make her way silently up the staircase and disappear around the corner that led to her bedroom.  When she returned, she held in her hand a worn piece of folded paper.

 

“John wrote this the night before he was supposed to be executed,” she handed him the letter.  Roman unfolded the well-read missive and scanned his eyes over it.

 

The final paragraphs were the ones that made the deepest impact.

 

I know that our life together has been complicated; you’ve been in love with other men,

I’ve been in love with other women.  But the love *we* shared was something special

Doc.  There never was and never could be anyone to fill the special place you hold in my

heart.

 

 I love you.  I know now I always have…. and I always will.

 

His eyes lingered for a moment and then he looked up at her, if possible, even more confused. 

 

“But if he wrote this then, even more, I don’t understand….”

 

“Because Kristen found it and hid it,” and in one fell swoop changed my life forever.  She pressed her lips together, trying to quell the rising grief.  “John assumed I had been given the letter and that I simply had not said anything because I didn’t return his feelings.”

 

“Oh Doc,” Roman almost felt her pain.

 

“By the time I did find it and I tried to talk to John, it was too late.  Kristen interrupted us before I could say anything with the news that she was pregnant.”  She sighed wearily.  She had relived this in her head too many times already.  “It all went downhill from there.”

 

Softly, she told Roman of Stefano’s next and almost successful attempt to kidnap her and Kristen’s part in it.  The tale sounded bizarre, even to her and she couldn’t help but laugh as Roman rolled his eyes in disbelief at the sound of the mock trial and the guillotine.  Finally, she told him about the revelation of Kristen’s miscarriage and how John’s guilt had led him to forgiving her.  And at last, that led into talk of the last six months, when she had encountered Gene back in Salem.

 

Being careful to leave out details of Eugene’s unusual powers, she told him how Gene had brought she and John together for that one wonderful night, the night she had thought had signaled a whole new beginning.

 

“So, what happened that it didn’t last beyond that one night?” Roman asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.  He could see throughout this whole evening that John’s actions had hurt her dreadfully.  She didn’t want to admit it, maybe not even to herself, but it was there.  He knew her maybe too well.

 

“Well, you know that Kristen was already pregnant,” she frowned, the dark circles under her eyes becoming more evident.  “She almost miscarried that night.  And she told John that Gene and I had conspired to *taunt* her and that had brought about the pains she’d had.”  She brushed angrily at her eyes as she felt the hot pricking of tears behind the lids, betraying the truth of how much that morning still hurt her.  “And she was obviously fairly convincing because just for a moment, John *doubted* me, and I thought he’d broken my heart.”

 

“Oh, Doc honey, I’m so sorry,” she looked so sad it almost broke his own heart.  They had all hurt her, she had had no respite apart from a few brief moments and it showed in her eyes.

 

“Why?” she shook her head unable to understand.  “After what I did to you, how can *you* be sorry?”  She shook her head.

 

“All I ever wanted,” Roman reached out and brushed his index finger down her cheek, “was for you to be happy, and I know that you’re not and you haven’t been.  And I feel a little responsible for that.”

 

“It’s not your fault Roman,” her eyes brimmed with tears, “it’s my fault.  It’s my punishment for breaking my marriage vows to you.”

 

“Doc, *that’s* why I feel responsible.  You’ve carried around this guilt for so long, you can’t *let* yourself be happy.”  It broke his heart to see what he had done to her.  He and John Black. 

 

Marlena shrugged.

 

“Gene told me the same thing not all that long ago,” she told him, “I thought I was starting to let go of the guilt.  I guess seeing you again brought those feelings back.  Roman, the last thing I ever wanted to do was drive you away from your home.”

 

“You didn’t,” he told her, “It was my decision, it was my problem.  *You* did everything you could.  You have nothing left to feel guilty about.  It’s just the way things are.”  He smiled sadly and tapped her on the nose with his index finger.  “I understand how you feel about John, you and he have a bond that hasn’t been broken by Stefano or by the devil.  So *why*,” he asked her bluntly, “are you letting Kristen *DiMera* keep you apart now?”

 

“It’s not that simple,” Marlena attempted to justify the situation.

 

“Isn’t it?” Roman raised his eyebrows.  “What you’ve told me over the past few hours doesn’t really figure in with that.  When the chips have really been down, when your, or John’s life has been in danger, you’ve been there for each other.  Why is it that every time it has taken the threat of losing each other to make you face your feelings?”

 

“I don’t know,” Marlena’s voice was a mere whisper as she shook her head, tears finally unable to be held back any longer.  “I’m frightened Roman.”

 

“Of what?” he asked gently as he drew her into his arms and held her as she sobbed.

 

“Of losing him.  Of losing everyone I love.”

 

“If you let Kristen win then you’ve already lost him,” Roman told her gently. “C’mon Doc, I know you better than that.  I know there’s a fighter hidden in there somewhere.  She maybe drowning in that undeserved guilt, but I know she’s in there.  You just have to let her out.”

 

He held her close as she cried, and he felt his heart ache for her and for himself.  He hated to see her so lost and alone and if it was John that could bring some happiness to her life, he couldn’t begrudge that.  He didn’t have to like it, but if it were best for Marlena, he would live with it.

 

 

The minutes passed in silence and behind them, the door clicked as Q quietly entered.  In the soft light, he could see Marlena, her head nestled against Roman’s chest as her shoulders moved with quiet sobs.  He stood for a moment, watching them, wrestling with the twinge of jealousy that had suddenly blossomed inside him. 

 

*He* wanted to be the one to hold Marlena, to comfort her, to make everything all right for her.  Intellectually he knew that wasn’t right for any of them at his point, but on an emotional level he couldn’t help that pure spark of green that ignited within him as he had walked through the door.

 

Not saying anything, he turned and quietly made his way up the staircase, pausing to look down from the landing.  He hoped that whatever had gone on between Roman and Marlena would help her and not hurt her further.  She didn’t need any more of that.

 

Sighing softly, he went into his bedroom and closed the door.  Matters were beyond his control for now.  All he could do was hope that Roman had said the right things and she had listened to him.  Because if he hadn’t, the outcome could be disastrous.  For all of them.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 84 – Prelude

 

 

It had been a long day at work for Austin Reed.  It wasn’t that the work had been particularly challenging, it never was.  Titan practically ran itself and he knew that he was only there because Kate had created the job for him.  Sometimes he wished he could find the courage to leave, to go out and do something that really mattered to him, like open up a small jazz club where he could play the piano.

 

But now that was just another pipe dream.  He had a wife to support and soon another child and their savings were practically gone now thanks to his shady past.

 

He rubbed his cheeks and yawned as the clunky elevator slowly took him up to his floor.  He hadn’t been sleeping properly, he was too worried about Carrie, and during the day, he was distracted at best.  He had tried to take Marlena’s advice and not fret over her absence but the more he tried to tell himself everything was fine, the more he felt as though something was very wrong.  Maybe it was because he had been so wrong about Sami’s predicament and he was riddled with guilt over what had happened to her, but then again, maybe he was right.

 

Yesterday he had asked a friend at the bank to run a trace on Carrie’s credit card, so he could find out where it had been used, and hence, where she was.  Except it hadn’t been used at all.

 

He had spent all of last night lying awake, trying to decide if he should go to Abe and ask him to find Carrie.  She had asked him in her note not to try and find her, Marlena had advised him to leave Carrie be, but something told him he had to try and find her.  And soon. 

 

However, when he had gone to the station in the morning and explained the situation, Abe had told him that it was most likely that Carrie was staying with friends and that she would be back before he knew it.  So now, he was back at square one, worrying and waiting and having no way to do anything.

 

Pulling his keys out of his pocket, he inserted them in the keyhole and turned them to let himself into the apartment.  Inside, he slammed the door closed behind him and dropped the keys on the coffee table and shed his jacket, throwing it over the back of the chair.  He was heading for the kitchen when he heard a noise in the bedroom, and he whirled the hundred and eighty degree angle to the bedroom.

 

“There you are,” Carrie had a smile on her face as she came out of the bedroom with a robe wrapped around her slim body, her hair drying from the obviously recent shower.  “You’re late home from work.”

 

“Carrie?” he looked as if he’d almost seen a ghost.

 

“Yes, that was my name last time I looked in the mirror,” she couldn’t suppress the small giggle that sprang forth at his incredulous expression.  However, it was muffled as Austin crossed the room almost instantaneously and engulfed her in his arms.

 

“Oh baby, I was *so* worried about you.  I thought….” his face was buried in her damp, scented hair as he shook his head.  “I didn’t know where you were, and I had this horrible feeling that something terrible had happened to you.  I don’t know why the hell I ever let you walk out of here.”

 

He pulled back and cupped her face in his hands.

 

“Carrie Reed, I love you so much.  I love this baby.  I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”  The passion in his voice rather blew Carrie away and she shook her head with an amazed smile. 

 

“That’s rather a turnaround,” she admitted, “maybe it’s true that absence does make the heart grow fonder.”

 

“Carrie,” Austin’s face paled. “I think there’s something you need to know before we go any further.  I need to tell you why I’ve been behaving like such an ass.”

 

“Oh?” she raised her eyebrows as he took her hands and led her to the sofa.

 

This oughta be good.

 

 

*****

 

 

John stared at the jigsaw piece on the table in front of him.  It had become almost a daily ritual, staring at the small token for hours as though it might mysteriously reveal the answers he so desperately lacked.  But still, it was a jigsaw puzzle piece, pure and simple.  It’s cryptic inscription and its mere existence the only clues he had.

 

He ran his fingers through his hair in a gesture of pure frustration and pushed the chair away from the table.  Stalking to the window, he looked out into the black night.  Dusk had fallen hours ago, and he hadn’t even noticed.   

 

It had happened that the same day he had received the puzzle piece in the mail, he had also received a phone call from Caroline to tell him that Roman had returned home.  He had politely declined her invitation to the gathering at the pub to welcome him, knowing they hadn’t been on the best of terms when he had left.  Besides, he had a nagging feeling Marlena would be there and he didn’t think he could bear that after the latest revelation.  Seeing her happy and glowing and everyone congratulating her about her new relationship and baby would be more than he could bear.

 

And today Kristen had been only too happy to bring home the gossip that Roman had been spending rather a lot of time at Marlena’s since he had returned.  To be truthful, Kristen didn’t care if Marlena got together with Eugene or Roman.  Actually, she couldn’t have cared less if the bitch married King Kong.  Just as long as she stayed the hell out of John’s life.

 

For John however, it was a different story.  The thought of Marlena turning to Roman for comfort was almost worse than knowing she was with Eugene.  He couldn’t imagine she would leave Eugene now that she was pregnant with his child and seemingly happy, but then he previously couldn’t have imagined *this* situation either.

 

Not for the first time, his thoughts flew back to the day she had come to the loft to talk to him.  The day he had totally blown all hope of ever winning her back.

 

Marlena had been the last person he had expected to see that day and her arrival had caught him by surprise.  He hadn’t intended to say anything about seeing her that night, but he had been able to help himself.  In a way, he knew, he had wanted to hurt her back, to make her understand how badly he had been hurt.  Of course, in doing so, he had alienated her even further.

 

He had run over the argument incessantly in his mind after Marlena’s abrupt departure.  He had been so sure at the time that she had simply been evasive out of embarrassment, that he had found out about her fling with Eugene before she had told him.  But the more he thought about it, that didn’t make sense.  Her complete surprise and lack of comprehension should have told him that to begin with.  But like the bull-headed idiot he was, he had carried on anyway.  Not surprising that she had been angry and upset really.  She had been right, it *was* none of his business.  She had made that clear time and time again.

 

The odd thing, he reflected was the way she had reacted to Kristen’s tacit presence.  She hadn’t questioned it; she hadn’t even seemed surprised.  John shook his head wearily.  Did it even matter anymore?  After his performance that day, she was unlikely to ever want to see him again, let alone have a conversation.  He should have known that when he saw her in the shop.  No wonder she looked ill, all she had to do was remember what a creep he’d been.  He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cool pane of the window.

 

But when he closed his eyes, he could see hers, the hazel flecked with gold as they flared in anger.  In a way, her anger was strangely comforting.  She’d been so closed off for so many years, afraid of causing anyone more pain that she hadn’t been Marlena anymore.  That was as much his fault as anyone’s, he knew that.  She had carried around the guilt of their affair for too many years.  They had let it get in the way of being happy themselves, and in doing so they had made other people unhappy.  And they were *still* paying the price.

 

He shook his head.  Well, *he* was at least.  Now maybe that Roman was back, Marlena could put some of her guilt behind her and finally pick up the pieces.  Even if John could never forgive himself for what he had done to her, he really hoped she could find happiness with Eugene.  She deserved to be happy.  God, he wanted her to be happy, he loved her that much.  Really, he owed her that much and he couldn’t bear to see her sad anymore.

 

Clenching and unclenching his fist, he turned around, blowing out the stress in a slow, steady breath as the puzzle piece caught his eye again.  He went to the table and fingered the piece of cardboard.  Who else could have sent it?  That much was obvious.

 

So, Stefano hadn’t been killed in Paris as the police had thought.  Well, if that bastard was anywhere near Salem again, it was just as well that Marlena had Roman and Eugene to protect her.  Maybe they would do a better job than he ever seemed to have.  He knew he should warn them, but he wasn’t sure if any of them would even want to see him, let alone listen to what he had to say. 

 

He sighed and sank into the same seat he had been occupying earlier.  What he couldn’t work out was the significance of the C.  The pieces that Stefano had sent to lure him to Maison Blanche had been from a picture of the house.  They had an intelligible meaning.  This was simply a letter that made no sense.  He had waited for another one to arrive and it never had.

 

It was almost as if Stefano was taunting him, but John had no idea with what.  *C*.  It meant nothing.  In frustration, he slammed his hand, palm down on the table.  God he was so tired of that bastard, tired of him and his twisted, peverse games. 

 

I’m never going to let you hurt her again, he swore to his unseen enemy.  The next time I see you old man, it’ll be the *last* time.

 

 

******

 

 

“Doc,” Roman’s soft voice rumbled in his chest and Marlena could feel the vibrations against her damp cheek.

 

“Mmmmmm?” she raised her head wearily, her eyes reddened and puffy.

 

“You need to talk to John,” he insisted with infinite tenderness.  “You need to tell him the truth about the baby, you need to trust your love for him and his for you.”

 

“I can’t Roman,” she shook her head, her voice carrying the weariness of a thousand heartbreaks.  “It’s just gone on too long and too far.  I don’t think either of us could ever trust the other again.”

 

“Well, you don’t know that if you don’t try,” Roman pointed out.  “And if you don’t try, how much are you going to regret it every time you see him with Kristen and his family?”  She said nothing, stubbornly silent as she tried to deny his words to herself.

 

“Sweetheart, don’t you think Belle and Brady deserve more than that?  Don’t you think that this new beautiful child you’re carrying deserves to know his father?”

 

“Roman, please don’t try and use my children against me,” her tone became warning as she sat back. 

 

“That’s not what I’m doing Marlena,” he said gently.  “It’s something you *have* to consider.  Those children are your world, you have to give them everything you can, because I know you and I know that if you don’t it’s another thing you’ll spend the rest of your life feeling guilty about.”

 

“Would you please just leave it alone,” she snapped irritably.  Her whole body ached from the stress of this long day, and she couldn’t deal with another discussion about why she should go and talk to John.  She *knew* she should.  For her sake and for the children’s sakes, it was obvious and fairly simple.  But what no-one seemed to understand was that she *couldn’t*.  That seeing him simply killed her inside, bit by bit.  And she knew him too well.  Kristen was pregnant with his child, and he had moved her into his apartment.  To John that was a commitment, and Marlena hadn’t been too stunned the other day to notice the diamond that Kristen wore on her left hand, even if the impact of its significance hadn’t hit until later.

 

They just didn’t understand that it was *over*.  Kristen had already won, and every last vestige of fight had slipped away from Marlena.  She just didn’t have the energy anymore.  She could only concentrate on what was really important and Roman was right, it was her children. 

 

Roman knew he had hit a nerve when Marlena became agitated, he just didn’t quite know how to take advantage of it.  He knew he had to do something though and fast, as she stood up.

 

“Doc, don’t walk away from this, there’s too much at stake.”

 

“Roman,” her voice was almost pleading, “please, I can’t discuss this any more.”

 

“Do you think *I’m* doing this for my enjoyment?” he demanded, his frustration getting the better of him.  Standing up, he moved so that he was only inches from her.  “It’s not exactly a barrel of laughs for me either Marlena.”

 

“I know,” she admitted, slightly ashamed.  Roman saw it and took the opening.

 

“If you won’t talk to John, then maybe you’ll let me talk to him for you.”

 

 

******

 

 

Carrie said nothing as Austin poured out his heart, admitting the truth about his past catching up with him, and how he had taken their savings money to pay off his debts.  She remained silent through his assurances that it had been only because he had been so worried about her that he had given in to the thug and how the secret had been slowly killing him inside for weeks.

 

And finally, she was still as he vowed to her that he had been coming home to tell her the truth when she had left the apartment all those days ago.  When he had finished, he looked up at her with contrite eyes. 

 

“I’m sorry Carrie, I *never* meant to hurt you.  I just found myself in a situation *I* had created and had no way of fixing and I…..” he shook his head.  “There’s no excuse for what I did, I know that.  I just hope you’ll forgive me.”

 

His eyes were pleading as he looked at her, waiting for her to say something.  Anything.

 

Her eyes darkened momentarily as she looked at him, but finally she sighed.

 

“I really wish you’d told me, Austin,” was all she said.

 

“I know I should have,” he said in a small voice.  “I was just afraid if you knew you wouldn’t let me give him the money and you’d get hurt.”

 

“We could have gone and talked to Abe she said reproachfully.  “At the very least I would have understood why you had such a problem with the baby.”

 

“I know,” he looked down at his hands, contrite.  “I wanted to tell you; I really did.”

 

She was silent for another long moment as she mulled over his explanation in her mind.  Finally, she looked up at him.

 

“Well,” she said slowly, “I guess we can’t change it now, can we?” she ran her fingers through her still damp hair.

 

“Nooo,” Austin returned slowly, not quite sure what she was getting at.

 

“Okay then,” she leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, “I’m tired and going to bed.  Are you planning on coming?”

 

He tried to contain his surprise as he looked at her.  He had expected a number of things, but this calm acceptance hadn’t been one of them.

 

“Sure,” he finally nodded his head before she pushed herself up from the sofa.  He watched her walk to the bedroom, her stomach gently swelling beneath the toweling of the robe she wore, and he shook his head.  He guessed he should just be thankful that she wasn’t throwing him out on his sorry behind.

 

Carrie turned around and smiled sweetly at him before she disappeared into the bedroom.  He blinked and shook his head again.  He *should* be thankful, but his gut told him there was something that wasn’t quite right here.

 

 

******

 

 

Q lay on his back staring at the ceiling trying to ignore the muffled voices from downstairs.  They seemed to infiltrate the very walls around him, and the mere hint of her voice was enough to make him feel absolutely miserable.  After all, it hadn’t been that long ago that he had been lying in bed with her, kissing her, listening to her as she talked and laughed.  She would nuzzle his skin and talk to him so that it tickled with the vibrations of her breath and then she would laugh as he shivered. 

 

He shook his head.  This was crazy, he couldn’t keep on reliving these moments in his mind.  It was over now, there was nothing he could do to change that. 

 

Well, not strictly *nothing*.  Just nothing moral and *right*, that was all.

 

Roman’s voice raised for a moment and Q snapped his fingers irritably so that soft music filled the room.

 

“Tut tut,” Q2’s disembodied, drawling voice sliced through the Bach Concerto, “jealousy is *so* unbecoming Q.”

 

Shit.

 

Q rolled his head back in defeat.  Q2 was about the last entity in the universe he wanted to see right now, but as usual, he didn’t have much choice in the matter.

 

“Well Q, no rest for the wicked it seems,” he returned.  “Rather sad that you’ve been reduced to being the Continuum’s errand boy, isn’t it?”

 

“Oh Q,” Q2 finally appeared, leaning nonchalantly against the door, “so *bitter* for one so young.”  He grinned indolently.  “I hear the fair doctor has found herself a new, or should I say *old* confidant.”  He slipped on a mockingly sad face.  “Passed over for *another*ex-husband,” he raised his eyebrows.  “Are you ready to give up yet Q?  Your task looks more hopeless by the day.”

 

“Give up?” Q was confused.  “You told me this was my one chance of redeeming myself.  If I give up….” He ran out of words as he remembered Marlena’s words.

 

I know it may sound odd, but I got the impression that they, the Q, is that what you call them?  Well, I think they *wanted* you to fail. 

 

He eyed Q2 suspiciously as he pushed himself into a sitting position.  “What exactly *is* going on here Q?”

 

“Well Q,” Q2 raised his eyebrows, his face suddenly deadly earnest, “the Continuum *did* send you back after you begged for a second chance.  And don’t think we don’t know what happened there.”

 

“Well then why am I still here?” Q demanded churlishly.  “You’re so bloody desperate so see me fail, why didn’t you take the opportunity to rid the universe of me once and for all, Q?”

 

He was almost surprised as Q2 shook his head sadly.

 

“I would have thought you would have known better by now Q,” he frowned.  “I don’t want to see you *fail*, *I’M* the one that’s been in there fighting for you every step of the way.”  He narrowed his eyes.  “You’ve been a human for too long Q, it’s dulled your brain.  You’re becoming boringly predictable.”

 

“What *are* you talking about?” 

 

“You’re too wrapped up in those tedious human emotions Q,” Q2 allowed himself a smirk, “you’re not seeing the *bigger* picture.  You are letting yourself get sidetracked by that sickening puppy love thing you have going for the blonde.  And now by your jealousy of her ex.”

 

Q’s lips thinned in anger, but he resisted hurling another insult in Q2’s direction.  Instead, keeping his cool, he found a smile from somewhere.

 

“Can’t be all *that* sickening, seems that it’s the best show on the block these days,” he raised his eyebrow knowingly in Q2’s direction.  “After all, *you* can’t seem to tear yourself away.”

 

“Soap operas have always had a perversely *watchable* quality,” Q2 returned.  “It doesn’t make them *quality* drama.”

 

Suddenly, he looked down at his bare wrist, as though looking at an imaginary watch and looked up at Q in surprise.

 

“Well, time’s up,” he shrugged.  “Just think about it Q.  Oh,” he stopped, “one more thing.  You *should* know this, but I suppose I’ll have to remind you.  Since you seem to have forgotten just about everything *else* you should know.”  He neared Q and bent over, his hands on his knees. 

 

“Not everyone is who they seem Q.  Stay alert, it might just save your skin.  And those of the people you care so much about.”

 

With that final warning, Q2 was gone, leaving a stunned Q to wonder exactly what the hell that strange visit was about.

 

 

******

 

 

John looked up as the loft door rasped open and Jennifer Devereaux followed Kristen into the loft.

“Hey baby,” Kristen dropped a kiss on top of John’s head before she threw her purse on the table and eased herself down onto the sofa next to him.

 

“Hi John,” Jennifer sat down on the sofa opposite John and Kristen, not looking entirely comfortable. 

 

“Mmmm….  Hi,” he muttered distractedly before he stood up.  Kristen looked at him and then at Jenn.  With a strained laugh, she shrugged.  The odd noise penetrated John’s preoccupation and he looked back at the women.  “Did you have a nice dinner?”

 

“Yes thanks,” Jenn nodded, “it seems like forever since I’ve eaten at Chez Vous, but the food is as good as ever.”

 

“Good,” John nodded, wondering absently how someone as sweet and kind as Jennifer could be a friend with someone as vicious and devious as Kristen.  But then, he supposed they’d all been duped by her at some stage or other.  And he knew the horrible, unforgivable things that she had done.  Jenn didn’t.  At least, not the worst of them.

 

Intertwined with those thoughts were memories triggered by the mention of Chez Vous.  Memories he *really* didn’t want to be having right now.

 

“Ah, would you two ladies like a drink?”

 

“No thanks,” Kristen smiled virtuously, “caffeine is bad for the baby.”

 

“I won’t either thanks,” Jenn shook her head, “I should really be going soon.”

 

“What’s that you’ve got there, John baby?” Kristen had been eyeing the object that John held between his fingers and her curiosity finally had the better of her.

 

“Mmm?” John looked at her and then suddenly realized in shock that he was still holding the puzzle piece.

 

He contemplated telling her for a moment and telling her what he thought its significance was.  He would give almost anything to see her reaction.  It would tell him whether or not she knew Stefano was alive and close to Salem.  She wasn’t a good actor, and her reaction would tell him everything he needed to know.

He would give almost anything.

 

Except the safety of his child.

 

If Kristen *didn’t* know that Stefano was in town, the shock of finding out, could conceivably affect the child.  At the prenatal checkup the other day the doctor had made it clear that Kristen had to rest with as little stress as possible to ensure that the baby had plenty of opportunity to grow.  John just couldn’t risk anything happening to this baby.

 

So instead of showing her he gave a strangled laugh and palmed the piece of stiff board.

 

“Nothing important,” he lied badly, “just a piece of rubbish.”

 

“John?” Kristen eyed him suspiciously.  “Why don’t I believe you?”

“It’s nothing Kristen,” John said with slight exasperation, “It’s just a piece of one of Brady’s jigsaw puzzles that I found on the floor.  That’s all.”

 

“Oh,” she nodded her head slowly.  He was lying about something; she knew that much.  And he only ever acted like this when Marlena was involved in some way.  *Damn* that bitch.  Why can’t she stay out of our lives?   “Can I see it?”

 

“Sure.”  John knew when he was beaten.  She was like a dog with a bone when she wanted to get her own way and she obviously suspected he was lying to her.  He handed her the puzzle piece and then yawned.  “I don’t know which puzzle it was from, I was going to take it up to his room.”

 

“That’s odd,” she frowned, looking at the mysterious object.  “It’s rather small to be from one of Brady’s puzzles don’t you think?”  John simply shrugged.

 

“Where else could it have come from?”

 

“I don’t know,” she looked up at him.  “Do you?”

 

“Look, I hate to interrupt,” Jennifer stood up, “but I really need to get going.  I promised Jack I wouldn’t be home too late.”

 

“Oh, okay Jenn,” Kristen’s simpering made John feel ill, but he was heartened to see that she dropped the jigsaw piece on the table as she got up to see Jennifer to the door.  “You have a safe drive home now, and please, don’t you be a stranger.”

 

“I had a nice time,” Jenn told her unconvincingly and John smiled inwardly.  Jenn might not know the whole truth, but she was a smart girl, and she had an inkling it seemed.

 

“Night Jenn,” he smiled at her sympathetically, his first real smile of the evening.  Jenn blinked.

 

“Uh yeah,” she nodded.

 

As Kristen saw Jenn out, John palmed the puzzle piece and made his way up the staircase to the bathroom.  Maybe by the time he made it out of the long, hot shower he was about to take, Kristen would have forgotten all about the odd omen.

 

 

******

 

 

“*No*,” Marlena replied tersely.

 

“Marlena!” Roman was becoming frustrated.

 

“Roman, I said *no* okay?  Just leave it.”  She walked away from him, towards the window.  She shook her head wearily.  There was nothing out there that was going to help her, just as there was nothing in here.  They just all had to face that fact.

 

“Leave it?”  He shook his head, wondering how she could close herself off from all the repercussions of this refusal to admit the truth.  Really, he knew it was her way of coping, but it seemed insane to him.  “Marlena.  Doc honey, you’re pregnant and you can’t hide that from the family forever.  Sooner or later…” he looked at her, at the way her clothes were starting to follow the gentle slope of her swollen stomach and he knew it was going to be sooner.  “Sooner or later, you’re going to have to tell them, or they’re going to work it out for themselves.”

 

“I know that,” she snapped angrily.

 

“Well, what are you going to tell them?” he shrugged his shoulders.  “Are you going to tell your family and friends that it’s Gene’s baby too?”

 

Marlena turned around, her face set in a blank mask of denial.

 

“Yeah, well maybe I might just do that.”  She didn’t want to be having this conversation.  She didn’t even want to have to think about what would happen once people started realizing that she was pregnant.  It didn’t really matter who’s baby it was.  In all reality Sami would probably stop talking to her completely and the rest of the family would certainly have their own judgements to make on the situation.  It was just easier to ignore the problem and not think about it.  Easier for now.

 

“Oh Doc,” Roman shook his head, “don’t you think that’s just a bit cruel?”  He frowned, not wanting to say the next words that came to mind, but knowing that probably nothing else would get through to her at this point.  “Baby, you’ve already seen what lies can do to a family once.  Do you really think it’s fair to put them through that again?”

 

On the other side of the room, Marlena clenched her jaw and refused to let the tears fall.

 

“Doc,” he was wary, but he carried on anyway, his voice tender, “I know from bitter experience that truth is the only way to deal with situations like these.  And I think you do too, however much you are trying to deny it.”

 

Calculating the extent of her anger, he edged closer to her.

 

“You know, I think you *know* the right thing to do.  You know that you have to tell John the truth, but you’re afraid.” 

 

“Is that so?” Marlena asked in a cold voice.

 

“Yes it is,” he remained assured as he neared her.  “You know baby, you’ve spent your life running away from the truth because you were afraid it would hurt you and the people that you love.”  His voice was full of conviction as he came to stand in front of her.  “But the fact is Doc,” he took her hand in his and squeezed it, “the truth is what will set you *free*.”

 

Marlena looked into his soft brown eyes for a moment before she wrenched her hand from his.

 

“Nice speech Roman, but I’m not a child that needs to be encouraged with stirring speeches.”  Her eyes flashed as she faced him.  She was so *sick* of being treated as if she was unable to make her own decisions.  Like she just had no idea what was best for her.  “You know, I don’t need to be patronized and I *certainly* don’t need to be told what to do by you or Eugene, or *anybody*.”

 

“I don’t want to talk to John, and I don’t *have* to if I don’t want to.  I don’t want *you* to talk to him, I don’t want Godzilla to talk to him.  Got that?”

 

Brushing past him, she headed for the stairs.

 

“Oh,” she paused at the foot of the staircase and turned to look at her ex-husband. “And when I want your, or anyone else’s advice, I’ll be sure to ask for it okay?”  She took a deep breath.  “I’m going to bed.  You’re welcome to sleep on the sofa if you like.   Otherwise, please make sure the apartment is locked when you leave.  Goodnight.”

 

“G’Night Doc,” Roman couldn’t help his smile as he watched her walk up the steps.  Those may not have been the answers that he wanted to hear, but it was a start.  To get her angry was an achievement in itself and Roman knew her well enough to know that the anger was a form of self-protection.  Her stubbornness, her fighting spirit, was one of the things he had always loved about her.

 

Smiling, he gathered up his jacket and car keys.  She may not be fighting for John yet, but she *was* fighting, and that was a good start.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 85 –  Masque

 

 

 

Morning.  A smile dawns with the sun.  Today is the day. 

 

Elsewhere, darkness shadows evil.  Light is snuffed out as easily as life can be.  Will be. 

 

Tonight is the night.

 

 

******

 

 

Sami and Eric were the first to receive invitations, the messenger hand-delivering them when Sami opened the door to get the morning paper.  Sami had handed Eric his and then opened hers, staring at the expensive sheet of white parchment paper with the stiffly embossed gold letters.  It simply stated that her presence was requested at the Penthouse Grill on the evening of May the sixth.  Tonight.  No indication as to what the occasion was, or who was inviting them; just that they were requested to dress formally for the occasion.

 

“What occasion?” Sami asked the rhetorical question.  Eric shrugged and dropped his invitation on the bench.

 

“Who else is going to be there?” he wondered idly as he walked into the living room to check on Will.

 

“You don’t *suppose* our parents might be there?” Sami asked snidely.  She was feeling a little bitter that she hadn’t seen anything of her mother and barely anything of her father since he had arrived back in town.  It was as though Marlena had disappeared off the face of the earth, and when she had finally seen Roman and asked him, he had only mumbled something about Marlena having the flu.  Of course, he had never been particularly good at lying, and Sami knew a whopper when she saw it.

 

“C’mon Sam, you should be happy that they are spending so much time together,” Eric sighed patiently.  Sami just couldn’t seem to find it within herself to be happy, whatever happened.

 

“But Eugene is still there,” Sami pointed out.  “I mean, do they have some sort of weird threesome going or something?”

 

“*Sam*,” Eric rolled his eyes.  “Cut the dramatics, will you?  I am sure there is a perfectly good explanation.  They are all old friends after all.”

 

“Yeah, and rather new something else as far as Mom and good old Eug are concerned,” Sami shook her head.  “I don’t care if they go or not.  I’d rather not see them.  Any of them.”

 

“Oh, I suppose you’ll hang out with *Saint* John then.”  It was Eric’s turn to become snippy.  He hated how much time Sami and Will had been spending with John in the last few weeks.  It felt like a betrayal of their father.  John always seemed to be in the background, dropping into the pub, or even into the apartment Eric and Sami were now sharing.  However, although John had tried to engage him in conversation, Eric tried to avoid John as much as he possibly could during these times.

 

“So, what if I do?” Sami raised her eyebrows.  “I mean it’s not like Dad has been rushing to spend quality time with his children and grandchild now, is it?”

 

“Oh, I give up,” Eric couldn’t stand having this conversation yet again and he shrugged his shoulders as he picked up his keys.  Pulling on his jacket, he turned to her.  “I’m going to see Kate Roberts about that photography job.  I’ll see you later.”

 

Sami watched him close the door behind him and shook her head.  Then she looked down at the invitation again, her expression curious.  Who was behind this and what were they up to?

 

 

******

 

 

It was only several minutes later that Austin Reed heard the sharp rap of knuckles on his front door.  He was buttoning his jacket as he opened it and he was handed two envelopes.  He thanked the messenger, tipping him several dollars and then he turned back to the apartment, closing the door behind him.

 

“Who was that honey?” Carrie came into the living room, buttoning up her new maternity jacket.  She was starting to look rather pregnant now she was five months into her term.

 

“A messenger, he delivered these,” Austin handed Carrie the envelope that was addressed to her and they opened the envelopes at the same time.  Carrie read hers in silence.

 

“Weird,” Austin murmured as he looked up at his wife.

 

“Mmmmm,” Carrie shrugged non-committally and dropped her invitation onto the table in complete disinterest.

 

“Do you want to go?” Austin asked, confused by Carrie’s reaction.

 

“Sure,” Carrie nodded as she went into the kitchen and pulled the juice out of the fridge.  “When is it again?”

 

“Tonight.” Austin’s brow wrinkled as he looked at her. 

 

He had been worried about her since she had come home from her trip away.  She hadn’t been acting like herself for the last few weeks and this morning was no exception.  It wasn’t that she was moody, rather the opposite.  She was totally even tempered, no ups and no downs.  Even when they had finally told the family of the pregnancy she had just smiled sweetly and accepted the congratulations.  There had been no…. Austin tried to pin his finger on it….  no *emotion* in her eyes or in her voice.

 

He had tried to talk her into seeing Marlena, but Carrie had not seemed to want to take up that suggestion.  And when Austin himself had called his mother-in-law, he had simply been told that she had the flu and could not see anyone.  That, in itself, was odd.  Marlena was always there for her family when they needed her.  But Austin had enough on his mind without worrying about that too.

 

He looked at the invitation again.  It was expensive, he could tell that much.  What on earth was it about?  He tapped it against his chin as he looked at Carrie.  Maybe getting out among people might do her some good, and maybe her family could cheer her up, or at least give *him* some indication if he were going crazy or not.

 

 

******

 

 

John and Kristen received their invitations half an hour later.  Out of the corner of her eye, Kristen watched John open his, as she slit her own envelope open.

 

“What the hell is this about?” John’s brow wrinkled as he looked at the invitation.  It had been several weeks now since he had received the puzzle piece and it had so far been the only odd thing he had been sent.  Still, he had remained on his guard, and this unexpected invitation made him tangibly nervous.

 

“Who knows?” Kristen shrugged.  “It looks like it could be fun though.  A mysterious party.  How *intriguing*.”  She rubbed her protruding belly as the baby kicked her.  Hard.  She was heavily pregnant now, with only a month to go until the baby was due, she couldn’t wait to have the brat.

“Surprise parties are very rarely *intriguing* Kristen,” John said stiffly.  He had a bad feeling about this, and besides, it was likely that Marlena might be there.

 

He had thought long and hard about going to Marlena with the possibility that Stefano may be alive and back in Salem, and eventually, he had summoned up the courage to go and see her.  However, when he had gone to her office to talk to her, Roman had been there.  John had seen them through the half-open door, seen Roman holding Marlena in his arms, and he had lost his nerve, unable to face the two of them.

 

He had so many thoughts, so much of a confused jumble of ideas in his head, that he couldn’t work out what was going on.  Maybe Eugene had been telling the truth, that it was over between he and Marlena, and John’s refusal to believe him had only served to leave her free for Roman on his return.  He didn’t know and he couldn’t bring himself to ask her straight out.  Not after the way he had treated her.  He had no right.  And still….

 

Working himself up to it a second time, he had gone back several days later, only to be told by Hillary, that Marlena had taken a leave of absence, as she was ill.  He had been intending to go up to the penthouse apartment and talk to her up there, but after putting it off day after day, he had finally been honest with himself and admitted that he couldn’t bring himself to see her there.

 

“John?”  Kristen snapped her fingers in front of his face, pulling him out of his trance.  “John, are you listening to me?”

 

“Huh?” John turned blankly to Kristen.  He had a vague recollection that she had been prattling on while he had been thinking, but he had no idea what she had said.

 

“I said that we should *go*,” Kristen tried to keep reign on her patience.  She was getting more than tired of John’s little ‘spells’.  She knew what it meant when he drifted off into dreamland like that and she didn’t like it one bit.  “I probably won’t be able to get out much more after this,” she rubbed her belly again, “and it will be so nice to see all our friends.”

 

“How do you know all ‘our friends’ will be there?” John raised one eyebrow.  “I mean we have no idea what this is about so how do we know who’ll be there?”

 

“Well, I would *assume* they will be,” Kristen seemed irritated.  “Anyway, if we don’t enjoy it, we can always leave.”

 

“I don’t know Kristen,” John shook his head wearily.  He wasn’t sleeping well these days.  Having the heavily pregnant Kristen in bed with him, touching him, wanting him to hold her, wasn’t exactly conducive to rest.  He hated her and he wanted her out of his life.  And the strain of hiding that was starting to tell.  This next month couldn’t go swiftly enough for him. 

 

“Maybe it isn’t a good idea.  After all, didn’t the doctor say that you have to rest up as much as possible?”  The baby was still not growing as fast as it should, and the doctor had seemed mildly concerned at the last appointment.  Still, none of the tests they had run had showed that there was anything wrong with the child, so he had just prescribed rest, and plenty of it.

 

“I’m not an invalid John,” Kristen said testily.  “One evening out isn’t going to hurt our baby, okay?”  She shook her head.  Anyone would think this baby was the Second Coming the way John worried about it.  She knew he cared about his children, but he really was going overboard here.  “I want to go and have a good time and I want you to come with me.”  She wasn’t going to let him away with this one.  She was going to be there come hell or high water.

 

“Okay,” John finally shrugged his shoulders, giving up in the face of her determination.  If he knew one thing about her, he knew that when she wanted something, she invariably got her way.  He just had to save his energy for the big battles.  In the meantime, he would be on his guard tomorrow night, and if Marlena *was* there, he would warn her to be on her guard also.  If Stefano did have something planned for this so-called party, at least if he was there, he could keep an eye on her.

 

He dropped the invitation on the bench and snatched up his car keys.

 

“We’ll go if it’ll make you happy.”

 

“It will, it will,” Kristen was practically jumping up and down and John’s stomach turned.  He had to get out of here.  “Thank you, baby,” she kissed him on the cheek and clutched at his arm as he went to the door.  “I have to go to work Kristen,” he detached himself from her and deposited a cursory kiss on her forehead.  “You take care of yourself, and I’ll see you tonight.”

 

“Okay honey, you have a great day at work,” she smiled simperingly, “call me, okay?”

 

“Sure,” John nodded with absolutely no intention whatsoever of calling her.

 

She watched him go and then turned back to the loft with a satisfied smile.

 

 

******

 

 

“No way,” Marlena dropped her invitation on the table.  “I’m not going.”

 

“Come on Marlena,” Q was completely frustrated by Marlena’s continuing refusal to even consider going to the party.  He had as little idea as her what it was about, he only knew that he had to get her out of this apartment and this was as good an opportunity as any.  “You can’t stay cooped up in here forever.”

 

“Gene, I said *no*.”  She stared at him angrily.  It was simple enough really, if he cared to actually *listen* to her.  She was invited and she was declining.

 

“Sweetheart,” his shoulders dropped and he threw his own invitation on the table next to hers.  “Don’t you think it’s about time you saw your friends and family again?”

 

“Oh yeah, I’ll make a great entrance looking like *this*,” she pointed to her now, quite obviously, pregnant stomach.  The last month had served to advance her pregnancy quite considerably, and now, at a little over five months, there was absolutely no hope of hiding it.  “I’m sure my family will just *love* that.”

 

“Don’t you think it’s a little *late* to be worrying about that now?” Gene asked tiredly.

 

He and Roman had argued just this point when Marlena had informed them that she was taking time off work due to an imagined dose of the flu.  The only time she had been out of the house in almost three weeks was for an appointment with her obstetrician.  They had tried to persuade her to at least talk to the children, Sami, Eric and Carrie, but to no avail.  Her stubbornness, it seemed, knew no bounds.

 

So, she had taken the time off work, spending much of it with Belle, Brady and the nanny, Lucie, with whom she had become quite friendly.  And now that there was a reason to go out, she was again refusing.

“Since when did you become my keeper?” Marlena demanded crossly.  She knew she had worked herself into a corner with this pregnancy.  Her denial and refusal to deal with the problem was only making it worse, but it was a situation she didn’t know how to get herself out of.

 

“I think he’s right,” a soft, southern voice sounded behind Q.  “I think you should go.  Bite the bullet so to speak.”  Marlena glared at Lucie. 

 

“And what do you propose I tell my daughters when they ask why I didn’t tell them the insignificant little fact that I’m pregnant?”

 

“The truth?” Lucie’s green eyes were unnervingly intense.  “From what you’ve told me, it caught you off-guard and you needed time to deal with the ramifications.  I am sure Carrie will understand if you explain it to her.  Sami too.”

 

“Somehow, I doubt it,” Marlena shook her head, “at least as far as Sami is concerned.  And Eric, I’m sure will never want to talk to me again.”  Her shoulders slumped.  “I know he thinks Roman and I are going to get back together.”  She sighed and dropped onto the sofa, covering her face with her hands.  “Oh God, what have I managed to do this time?”

 

Q looked at Lucie for a moment and then she nodded.  Quietly, she went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

 

“There’s still a chance to undo it,” Gene lowered himself onto the sofa next to her, his eyes earnest.  “Marlena, please.  I’ll go with you, and I’m *sure* Roman will come.  Between us, we’ll look after you.  It won’t be that bad, I’m sure.”

 

“Oh, you don’t know this town very well then,” she looked up at him and saw the look in his eyes.  She shook her head and spoke softly, “or maybe you’ve just forgotten.”

“I know it well enough to know you have to do this *now*,” he told her gently.  She might be right, and they might not be able to forgive her now, but it was only going to get worse.

 

“But what if John is there?” she sounded plaintive, her fight slowly ebbing away.

 

“Then you can find an opportunity to tell him the *truth*,” Gene said firmly.  “And don’t argue with me again, okay?  You know as well as I do that he has to know this baby is his.  It’s the only fair and right thing to do.”

 

Almost as though his words had filtered right through her, Marlena suddenly felt the tiny stirrings deep within her belly.  It was infinitesimal, like a butterfly fluttering against her insides, but it was real and unmistakable.  Her baby had chosen this moment to make it’s presence felt and in one single moment, it became real to her.  With her eyes wide, she ran her hand over her stomach.

 

“It moved,” she breathed, tears pooling in her cinnamon-colored eyes.  “The baby moved.”

 

She looked up at Gene with a wonder-filled smile and he couldn’t help but smile back, feeling her dramatic change in mood almost palpably.

 

“What does it feel like?” he asked her in a hushed tone.

 

“It’s…,” she paused, trying to find the words to describe the miracle of new life inside her, “like a ripple of water or like the wings of a butterfly.  “It’s like the smallest kiss, and all the love in the world.”  She shook her head, and blinked, tears escaping and trembling on her lashes before they tumbled down her cheeks.  “This is my *baby* Gene and I can feel it.”

 

“It’s yours and John’s,” he reminded her gently. 

 

Marlena looked at him and nodded slowly.  He was right of course, she couldn’t keep the truth from John any longer, it wasn’t fair.  He had missed out on so much of the beginning of Belle’s life, she couldn’t deny him this child too.  How could she live with herself if she did that? 

 

“All right,” having made the decision, she was at last feeling peaceful.  The fear of what might or might not happen in the future had suddenly been lifted from her shoulders.  She would tell John and she would let him decide what to do.  This baby was all that was important now.

 

“So, you’ll go?” Gene raised his eyebrows.  “Tonight?”

 

“Only on one condition,” she squeezed his hand and smiled teasingly, “that you find me something stunning to wear.”

 

 

******

 

 

As the day drew on, more of the Salem circle received invitations to the party at the penthouse grill.  Bo and Hope, Jack and Jennifer, Alice, Mike, Maggie and Mickey, Laura and her partner Jed rounded out the Horton contingent.  The Brady’s were ensured to be there in abundance as they all received their invites.  Victor and Kate along with Lucas, Abe and Lexie and Peter Blake swelled the numbers.  And various other guests began to make preparations for the unusual occasion. 

 

Virtually the whole of Salem was talking about the party, trying to guess who the mysterious host was and what he or she was planning. 

 

Carrie Brady Reed spent most of her day being grilled by various, envious co-workers as to who she thought it might be.  And most of the day she simply fended off the interrogations, proclaiming her complete ignorance of the origins of the party.  However, eventually she had escaped the confines of the office, heading to Salem Place where she picked up her new dress.

 

Arriving home, she checked her messages and made sure the answering machine was still switched on.  Humming, she hung up her dress in the bedroom and stripped off her work clothes, dropping them on the dark carpet before she wandered into the bathroom.  Unpinning her long, blonde hair, she turned on the shower and waited until it was steaming before she stepped into it.

 

She let the water run over her, soothing her aching muscles, washing away the stress and grime of the day.  Finally, when she couldn’t justify standing there any longer, she picked up the shampoo bottle.  Fifteen minutes later, she was back in the bedroom, drying her hair with the blow dryer.

 

She was almost dressed when the telephone rang.  Thinking it might be Austin, she picked it up immediately.

“Austin, where are y –…” her words were cut off by the tinkle of a piano that sounded tinnily through the earpiece.

 

Carrie’s brow wrinkled as the music swelled.

 

“What on earth?”

 

A moment later, it was as though a shutter had fallen over Carrie Brady Reed’s grey eyes as they lost all spark of life. Slowly, she put down the receiver.

 

Tonight was the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 86 – All The Way

 

 

Vivian Alamain arched one well-defined eyebrow and looked around the Penthouse Grill.

 

“How grotesque,” she commented to her constant companion, Ivan Marais.

 

“I’m sorry Madame?” Ivan was used to his Madame’s uninterpretable comments.

 

“I mean *look* at it, Ivan,” she waved her hand airily at the profusion of ivory flowers that decorated the room. Swathes of white satin lined the walls and a small string quartet were setting up in the corner.  “Anyone would think we were arriving at a funeral.”

 

“I hardly think so Madame,” Ivan looked distinctly uncomfortable with his Vivian’s assessment of the situation.  The whole situation was odd, but then this was Salem, where odd was de rigueur.

 

“Well really,” she fingered the soft flesh of the Madonna Lilly in the arrangement closest to her with evident distaste.  “So tacky.  Really, I am sure this will prove to be quite a disastrous evening.”

 

“How can you say that Madame,” Ivan questioned, “when you have no idea what is to happen tonight.”

 

“It’s quite self-evident Ivan,” Vivian said distantly as she watched Kate Robert’s enter the restaurant with the recently rehabilitated Victor Kiriakis.  “After all, look at the company.”

 

“Please Madame,” Ivan’s voice took on a pleading tone. He knew what a sore point Victor was with her, and he could easily imagine her making a scene in front of the half of Salem that would be here tonight.

“Oh *relax* Ivan,” Vivian replied testily, “I think I am the *least* of your worries.”

 

She raised her glass of wine to her lips and watched Sami and Eric Brady enter the room and look around.  Eric said something in a low tone, and she flashed a glare at him before crossing the room to greet Vivian’s own nephew, John Black. 

 

Vivian had already noted that John had entered the Grill alone, presumably he was meeting Kristen here, but she was still nowhere to be seen.  He had a big smile and a hug for Sami, and she seemed equally happy to see him.  Only Eric looked sulkily resentful.  On the other side of the room, Austin Reed looked anxiously at his wife as she stared at the people who were now trickling at a steady pace through the door.

 

This brought Vivian’s glance full circle around the room, and she watched Bo and Hope Brady enter the room, looking around for some clue as to what was going on.  For them, as for everyone else, this was evidently still a mystery.

 

Ivan’s attention was snapped back by a small, but delighted laugh from his Madame.

 

“Oh *my*,” she clapped her hands with a broad smile, “now *that* should make the evening *very* interesting.  Don’t you think Ivan?”

 

“Madame I….,” he open and shut his mouth as he watched the newcomers enter the lion’s den.

 

Eugene Bradford looked smart in a tuxedo and on his arm, he escorted Dr. Marlena Evans.  She was dressed in a flowing gown of cream chiffon, the spaghetti straps, bust and hemlines of the gown all studded with sparkling rhinestones.  However, the empire waistline of the dress could in no way conceal the fact that she was evidently expecting a baby.  Roman Brady was only a step behind them, and as Marlena entered the room, Ivan noted that her free hand groped blindly for Roman’s.

 

Vivian crossed her arms in front of her and noted with satisfaction the shocked reaction that reverberated around the room.

“*Exceedingly* interesting.”

 

 

***

 

John put down his drink and pulled at the bow tie that uncomfortably restricted his neck.  Eric had moved off across the room to see Carrie and Austin after pointedly ignoring him once again.  Sami had been apologetic on behalf of her brother, but John had brushed it off, not willing to let her see how much it hurt him.  He had loved all of them as if they were his own, and such unbridled antipathy affected him quite deeply.

 

He wondered momentarily where Kristen was, he had arrived home to a scribbled note that said she had gone to the hairdressers and would meet him at the restaurant.  That was a little weird, he reflected, and he had expected to see her when he walked into the room, but she was still conspicuous by her absence.  Still, he wouldn’t wish her here any sooner, he would just enjoy the time he had with Sami while he could.

 

It was when he heard Sami’s shocked intake of breath that he looked over at the doorway.  It was as though his heart exploded as he saw her standing there, looking nervously around.  Her pregnancy was no longer secret, proclaimed proudly by her entrance and by the man on her arm.  She looked incredibly, *glowingly* beautiful and he felt the pounding of his heart grow impossibly furious as he watched her.

 

God, he wanted to die just looking at her, realizing how he had let her walk away, how he had *driven* her away with his complete stupidity.  He wanted to die, and he wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he loved at her and he wanted to be utterly furious with her for giving up on him and he…….

 

“God no,” Sami gave a plaintive moan as she stared at her mother.  The flu?  The freaking *flu*?

 

“Sami, sweetheart,” John tried to give Sami some semblance of solidity as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

“How *could* she?” the pain and anger exploded inside Sami, and she turned to John, tears burning in her eyes.  “How could she do that to *you*?  To *all* of us?”

 

“She didn’t tell you?” John didn’t discuss Marlena with anyone, and he had no idea that she hadn’t told her family about the baby.

 

“Why would she tell me?” Sami’s lips trembled as she regarded her mother and father bitterly.  “I’m only her daughter after all.”

 

“Oh baby,” John shook his head, wondering how Marlena could be so cruel as to break the news of something this important to her family in such a *public* way.

 

Sami glared at her mother as her gaze moved in her direction and suddenly she wrenched her hand from John’s.  Angrily, she stalked across the room.

 

“Sami, *no* -” John bit off his words as he watched Sami near the trio of newcomers, and he felt his heart sink.

 

“How *could* you?” Sami spat at Marlena as she neared her.  Her voice was low and hostile, yet those closest to them could not help but overhear her words.  “How can you even show your *face* around here?  You’re a liar and a hypocrite and I *never* want to speak to you again.”

 

“*Sami*,” Roman caught her arm as she tried to brush past them.

 

“And *you’re* just as bad,” she retorted nastily.  “Yeah, I can see that was a really *bad* dose of the flu *Roman*.”  She tore out of his grip.  “You all deserve each other.”

 

“Sami,” Austin’s voice was gentle as he confronted her.

 

“Get away from me,” her voice was low and warning as she pushed him out of the way.

 

 

Marlena watched Sami as she ran to the ladies and then turned around to see a sea of faces staring at her.  The one that stood out was John’s, although she couldn’t tell whether his expression was one of anger, or of sympathy.  She did know that she felt like she was about to throw up and she couldn’t bring her eyes to meet his.

 

“This was a mistake,” she turned and hissed desperately at Gene, “please, I have to get out of here.”

 

“Doc,” Roman was at her side almost instantly, “it’s okay baby.  It’s gonna be okay.”

 

“No, no it’s not,” she shook her head, her eyes wide with terror.

 

“Take her out to the balcony to get some air Gene,” Roman suggested quietly as he noticed his family standing horrified only several feet away.  “I’ll come and get you in a few minutes.”

 

“Okay,” Gene nodded his head, slipping an arm around Marlena and leading her away from the main group.

 

“What’s up Roman?” Bo was concerned as he watched Roman’s ex-wife leave the room.

 

“It’s a long story,” Roman said regretfully.  “Marlena didn’t find out she was pregnant till recently and she’s been struggling to find a way to tell everyone.”

 

“Well, that’s a hell of a way to do it,” Shawn said a little abrasively.

 

“I know Pop,” Roman nodded his head, “but if you’re looking for someone to blame, blame Gene and I.  Doc didn’t want to come tonight but we felt that it was best if she did.”

 

“Dad?” Eric was closely followed by Carrie.  “Why didn’t she just tell us when she found out?”  He shook his head, a furrow marring his brow.  All this time he had thought his parents were getting back together, and she had been pregnant with Eugene Bradford’s baby.

 

“She wanted to Eric,” Roman nodded, “but she was confused and a little frightened about how everyone would react.”  He cast a glance in John’s direction and saw the other man was studiously ignoring the group of his almost-family. 

 

“Well, she didn’t do herself any favors,” Carrie observed, looking in the direction of the bathroom.  “She should have known Sami would go ballistic.”

 

“Just try and understand that she didn’t do it to hurt any of you,” Roman tried to soften their reaction to Marlena’s predicament.  She really didn’t need them all judging her too.

 

“Poor Marlena,” Hope murmured softly as she looked toward the balcony, “she must be absolutely beside herself.”  She shook her head as she contemplated the look on Marlena’s face after Sami’s outburst.  “I can’t even begin to imagine how she must be feeling.”

 

 

***

 

 

“I can’t go back in there,” Marlena’s face was drenched with tears as Gene held her close.  He felt her shake her head against him as she tried to emphasize her words.  “I can’t.  I can’t.”

 

“Yes, you can,” he said calmly and gently.  “What else are you going to do?  Hide away from your family for the rest of your life?  C’mon, where’s that courage and dignity I know so well?”

 

Marlena said nothing for long moments, but finally she pushed away from him and looked up at his face.

“What am I going to say to Sami?”

 

“Let Roman handle Sami for now,” he suggested tenderly as he wiped her face with his fingers.  “Remember our conversation this morning?  You need to tell John the truth about his child.  Once he knows, everyone else will understand why you kept quiet about it.  Even Sami.”

 

Marlena took a deep breath and stood quietly for a moment.  Finally, it came.  The small flutter from the life within her and she felt the calm suffuse her. 

 

“What if he won’t listen to me?” she asked quietly.  “He must be terribly angry with me after that scene in there.”

 

“He’ll listen to you,” Gene assured her.  “He has too much invested *not* to.”

 

“Marlena?” Marlena looked up to the doorway to find Hope, Caroline and Laura standing there.  She swallowed and Gene felt her hand search for his in the shadow.

 

“Oh darling,” Laura stepped out on to the balcony and immediately enveloped Marlena in a hug.  “I am *so* sorry about what happened in there.  Please don’t go home yet.  Stay and enjoy the party for at least a little while?”

 

“Please?” Hope stepped up and took Marlena’s hand, Caroline behind her, their faces a picture of concerned sympathy.  Maggie Horton joined the small group of friends a moment later, offering her support.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Marlena shook her head, “I really messed up.  I never meant to hurt anyone, I just….” She shrugged her shoulders, “I didn’t know what to do.”

 

“It’s all right dear,” Caroline squeezed her hand, although she glared at Eugene while she was doing it.  She had sensed oncoming disaster since the moment this affair started, and she was furious at him for letting Marlena get into this predicament.  Still, she couldn’t let her anger show now.  Marlena needed her support, not her condemnation.  “We know that, and Sami will too, just give her a little while to get over the shock.”

 

“I don’t know that she will,” Marlena shook her head slightly, “this is just another thing she can hate me for.”

 

“Oh, that’s not true Marlena,” Hope told her gently.  “She wouldn’t be so upset if she didn’t love you and want to be part of your life.”

 

“Will you stay Marlena?” Maggie asked with a smile.  “We’ve got so much to catch up on.  We all want you to stay, won’t you please?”

 

“Oh dear, dear Maggie,” Marlena leaned against the redhead as she slid her arm around her.  “Thank you *all* so much.  You’re all such wonderful friends.  I don’t know that I deserve such understanding.”

 

“After everything that you have done for each of us?” Maggie was astounded.  “Gosh, I only wish I could be half as good a friend as you’ve been to me.”

 

Marlena looked slightly embarrassed as each of the women agreed with Maggie’s assessment.  And when she looked at Gene, he merely smiled and nodded his agreement.

 

“So, are you coming in with us then?” Laura asked with an encouraging smile.  “Because I am *dying* to find out what this party is all about.”

 

Marlena smiled and finally nodded, allowing Maggie and Hope to help her back up the steps and into the restaurant.  Inside, they met Roman who was coming to check on his ex-wife.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked tenderly.

 

“I’m fine,” she nodded with a grateful smile, squeezing Maggie’s hand.  “Have you managed to talk to Sami?”

 

“No, not yet,” he shook his head, “she won’t come out of the bathroom.”

 

“Why don’t you let me try?” Caroline suggested.  “Maybe she’ll listen to me.”

 

“Would you Mom?” Roman seemed relieved.  He really wanted to concentrate on making sure Marlena was all right and his willful younger daughter really had gone too far tonight.  Maybe Caroline would have the patience required to make her see some sense.

 

“Of course,” Caroline nodded and headed off for the bathroom. 

 

Marlena let out the breath she had been holding and took another deep one.

 

“Well, I guess this is it,” she murmured.  “Again.”

 

“It’ll be okay Marlena,” Maggie patted her arm.  “Why don’t we go over and talk to Alice?  I’m sure she’ll want to make sure you are all right.”

 

“Okay,” Marlena nodded and smiled at her friend, “that sounds like a good idea.”

 

Roman dropped back and pulled Q to one side.

 

“Do you really think she’ll be okay?” he asked in a low voice.

 

“I think so,” Gene nodded his head, “as long as her friends stick by her, and she has their support I think she can stand up to just about anything.”

 

“I hope so,” Roman was beginning to think that maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea.  The look on John’s face after Sami’s little scene had worried him.  If Marlena did find the courage to tell him the truth and he didn’t believe her, or worse, didn’t care, Roman didn’t know what it might do to her.

 

“Did John say anything to you?” Gene picked up on his line of thought.

 

“He welcomed me back, but he didn’t sound especially happy about it,” Roman raised his eyebrows.  “God I would really love to know what was going on inside that head of his.  How he could do this to Doc, I’ll never understand.”

 

“You did something rather similar yourself at one time,” Q pointed out mercilessly.

 

“And if John Black regrets it half as much as I do, there might be a chance for the two of them,” Roman observed quietly as they followed the women back into the Penthouse Grille.

 

 

***

 

 

A pair of steely grey-green eyes watched from a slightly open doorway.  Watched the confrontation and then watched as Marlena finally came back into the restaurant.  They consulted a watch and then looked back out over the assembled crowd.  It was almost time.

 

 

***

 

 

Vivian watched Marlena studiously avoid the curious stares as she crossed the room to talk to Alice Horton and then her gaze switched to her nephew as his own eyes very intently followed the beautiful blonde.

 

 

“He’s still absolutely smitten with her isn’t he Ivan?” Vivian remarked.  “Where do you suppose his own pregnant peroxide victim is?”

 

“Madame.”  Ivan sounded reproachful.  “I do not think you should speak of Ms. Blake in such a way.”

 

“Why?  Am I being too kind?” Vivian quipped viciously.  “After all, she’s normally stuck to John with suction cups, making sure he goes nowhere near the good doctor.”  She looked around the room speculatively.  “I wonder what that nasty little tramp is up to?”

 

 

***

 

 

Marlena was talking to Bo when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise ever so slightly.  Slowly, she turned around, her eyes searching for the source of her discomfort.   John was across the room and their eyes locked.  Marlena felt her face flush and her heart race madly as he stared at her for a long moment and then looked away.

 

“Are you all right Marlena?” Bo asked, his demeanor one of concern as he saw her expression.

“I’m fine,” Marlena nodded as she turned back to him.  “But if you’ll excuse me, there’s something I really have to do.”

 

“Of course,” Bo nodded and smiled at her sympathetically.  “Good luck,” he whispered in a conspiratorial tone.

 

“Thanks,” she managed a genuine smile before she turned back to where John was standing.  Looking at him, she took a deep breath.  If she was ever going to do this, she had to do it now.

 

“Marlena,” Vivian Alamain intercepted her before she had even made it halfway across the room.  “How *lovely* to see you my dear. And *aren’t* you looking wonderful?”  She cocked her head on one side, her index finger on her cheek, giving her a look of contemplation.  “You’re positively *radiant*.”  She grinned wickedly.  “It would seem that congratulations are in order.”

 

“Thank you, Vivian,” Marlena said carefully, trying to work out exactly what the other woman’s angle was.

“So, who is the lucky daddy then?” the older woman asked brightly.  “After all, it seems as if there’s no shortage of willing suitors to shoulder the blame.  So, to speak.”  Her smile was shrewd as she noted Marlena’s startled reaction to the question. 

 

The eminent Dr. Evans obviously had more than one secret that she had been hiding.

 

 

***

 

 

John saw his aunt intercept Marlena and the startled expression she had as Vivian began to speak.  She was obviously in a vulnerable state after everything that had happened with Sami and leaving her to Vivian’s machinations was a little akin to feeding her to the wolves.  As much as he was uncomfortable around her at the moment, he couldn’t bear to see her looking so lost.  And he had promised himself that if he got a chance, he would warn her about the possibility of Stefano’s return.

 

He had been watching her since the moment she arrived.  It was as though the moment she walked into the room, his eyes were drawn to her and he couldn’t tear himself away.  After the scene with Sami, she had disappeared with Eugene and Roman had come over to say hello.  It had been awkward, he had no idea what to say to Roman after so long and more than that, he was confused as to what was going on.  If Marlena was pregnant with Eugene’s child and they had broken up, what was Eugene doing at this party with her?  And more than that, what were *both* Eugene *and* Roman doing with her?  If she was back together with Roman, what was Gene still doing hanging around?  Something didn’t quite make sense.

 

His brow furrowed as he thought back to the day she had come to the loft.  He had thought to tell him that she was with Eugene now.  But what if that wasn’t the case?  What if he had jumped to conclusions and …..?  God, he had been such a bastard to her.  What if she hadn’t come to tell him about Eugene at all, but about something else? 

 

He felt his heart pounding rapidly in his chest.  What if he had screwed this all up, from beginning to end?  He had to talk to her.  He had to know the truth, he had to hear it from her.  And maybe, just maybe it was time she knew the truth about her child.  Her *other* unborn child.

 

He crossed the room in several strides.

 

“Vivian,” he smiled as graciously as he could under the circumstances. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to Marlena.”

 

“Mind?” Vivian mentally cursed her nephew.  She’d had Marlena right where she wanted her, like a deer in headlights and very possibly a font of useful information.  “Now why would I mind John, dear.  Why don’t the two of you run along?”

 

“Thank you,” John said stiffly as he took Marlena’s arm and guided her away from his meddlesome aunt.

 

Only Marlena’s instincts managed to guide her to the edge of the room.  John’s hand on her arm hindered more than it helped, as it was all she could think about.  The feel of his skin against hers fired all her nerves and filled her senses, and she only knew to stop when John asked her to sit down.

 

Blindly she obeyed and he handed her a glass of water.  Gratefully, she took a sip, soothing her parched throat.

 

“Thank you,” she said shakily.  “I wasn’t entirely sure Vivian wasn’t going to have me for dinner.”

 

“Well, it doesn’t look like it’s been the best of days for you,” he said softly as he sat down next to her.  “I’m sorry about Sami Doc.”  Her heart leapt as she heard him use that familiar term of endearment and she pressed her lips together, nodding.

 

“I probably deserved it,” she admitted in a husky voice.

 

“No-one deserves that sort of treatment, whatever they’ve done,” he told her in a gentle tone.  “She was hurting, but that’s no excuse.”  He took a deep breath.  “Just like it’s no excuse for some of the things I’ve said to you lately.”  He looked down at his hands.  “I was hurting, and I took my pain out on you.  I’m truly sorry and I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.”

 

Marlena swallowed as he looked up at her, his azure eyes ringed with a dark indigo.  She nodded slowly and looked down at her glass.  Closing her eyes and concentrating on the feeling of having him so close, she took strength from his calm.  She looked up at him with sad eyes.

 

“John, you’re not the only one who needs to apologize.  There’s something I need to tell you.”

 

 

***

 

 

Kristen looked into the room and scanned the expectant faces.  Her stomach was fluttering with unquelled nerves as she looked for John.  The moment was finally here, the moment she had been planning for weeks.  Smoothing the front of her white silk dress over her ungainly belly, she finally found John’s face among the partygoers.  He looked wonderfully handsome, all dressed up in the tuxedo she had left on the bed for him.  But there was one problem, he was sitting, talking very intently to none other than Marlena Evans.

 

“Well, what better moment than now?” she spoke to the unborn child that she carried within her.  She beckoned to one of her attendants and the woman handed her a simple bouquet of roses and freesias.  A white satin ribbon bound the stems of the flowers together and spilled from Kristen’s hands, down the front of her long, white gown.

 

Pushing the door open, she stepped into the room.

 

Seeing her signal, the string quartet started playing, capturing the attention of most of the room, including John and Marlena, who looked up from their conversation.  Kristen smiled and made her way to the front of the stage where they were playing.

 

“Welcome to all of you,” she said magnanimously, “and thank you for coming.”  She looked around the sea of faces, seeing all her friends and family, and some that were enemies.  “I suppose you’ve been wondering all day what this party was about.  Well, now you’re all here, I can finally tell you.”  She looked to where a confused John and Marlena were now standing.  “I’ve invited you all here to witness a *very* special occasion.” 

 

She took a deliberate step down from the stage and let Peter help her to the floor.  “I was trying to work out a way of making this a unique and special moment, and I decided that I wanted all my friends and family here to witness it.”  She made her way slowly through the crowd as they parted, to where John stood.  “I’ve never made any secret of how I feel for this wonderful man standing right here and I want everybody to know it.  I’m having his baby in little over a month, and I want this baby to have the best start in life.”

 

John looked at her in shock, seeing the white dress and flowers.  She couldn’t be.  Surely not that.

 

“So, I have asked you all here tonight,” she looked around the faces closest to her and was secretly thrilled to see Marlena’s look of abject horror. “To witness my marriage to John Black.  If he’ll have me,” she smiled at John lovingly, “we’ll be married here in front of you, all our friends and family.”  She turned her smile to the gathered crowd.  “I couldn’t think of any better start to our new life.”

 

She turned back to John and took his hand.

 

“Baby, I’d kneel down, but the baby makes it a little difficult,” she giggled coquettishly.  Gathering herself, she took a deep breath.  “John Black.  I love you more every day.  We have been through hell together and our life and our love is only growing stronger and deeper.  I love you more than anything in the world, and I want you to be my husband.  Will you marry me?”

 

A strangled moan died in Marlena’s throat as she staggered back slightly.  Q was there to catch her as she floundered, having made his way across the room when he had seen Kristen’s entrance.  God, that witch had incredible timing.

 

John’s head snapped around as he felt Marlena’s agony buffet him.  It wasn’t even the noise that she had made, more that he could *feel* her shock and dismay.  And that could only mean one thing.

 

He looked back at Kristen and saw her waiting expectantly.  It obviously hadn’t even crossed her mind that he might say no.  Had he been that good an actor the last few months, or was it just that she was completely delusional?  Either way, if he did say no, she was going to be shocked, angry and embarrassed.  And she was going to want to know why.

 

Why?  Because I love Marlena, not you.  Because if I can’t have her then I don’t want *anyone*, especially not *you*.  Because she’s my beginning and my ending and everything in between and you’re simply an irritation.

 

He could hear the murmuring begin in the crowd as she waited, and he said nothing.  He tried to keep his feelings from showing on his face, but he knew he wasn’t entirely successful.  He looked back at Marlena.  Gene stood behind her, his arm protectively around her, supporting her in every way.  His look told John everything about what he thought John should do.

 

A single tear rolled down Marlena’s cheek, breaking John’s heart as he watched her.  Lord, how could he have been so *wrong* about her?  How could he have been so blind? 

 

He turned back to Kristen.  One hand lay on her stomach as she awaited his reply and the look on her face told him she was getting impatient.  His mind quickly flitted through the options open to him as he tried to work out what to do.  He was stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Kristen was supposed to be resting, and he had no idea what a shock like this could do to the baby.

 

But if he married her, he was tied to her forever, and it might destroy Marlena completely.  He couldn’t do that to her again.  He had hurt her over and over with his thoughtlessness and stupidity.  He just couldn’t hurt her again.  Not knowingly.  And even more, now he knew he might have a chance; a chance to make things right with her, he couldn’t give that up.

 

He turned to look at Marlena again and he felt his throbbing pulse slow as he calmed.  Her beautiful face was all he needed to give him the strength to do this.  He turned back to where Kristen stood at the head of an enrapt crowd and took a slow and cleansing breath.

 

“I’m sorry Kristen,” he said softly.  “But I can’t marry you.”

 

Kristen blinked and took an involuntary step backward.

 

“You wh_?”  She gulped a breath down and looked at him with beseeching eyes.  “Why?”

 

“Kristen,” John took a step towards her.  “Let’s not discuss this here in front of everyone.”  Kristen wrenched herself out of his reach and her eyes turned to steel.

 

“You’ve embarrassed me in front of all our friends,” she said coldly, “I at least think you owe us all an explanation.”  Her cutting gaze flicked to Marlena.  If that bitch had anything to do with this, she would pay *dearly*.

 

“Kristen I….” He looked helplessly at Marlena and then back at Kristen.

 

“*Why* dammit?” she demanded, although it was more than painfully obvious to everyone assembled.  John felt his stomach sink into his shoes as he looked at her.

 

“Because I lo-” his words were drowned out as the string quartet suddenly launched into a mellifluous waltz.

 

“What the hell?”  Kristen turned to look irritably at the players, but her view was partially blocked by the crowd that surrounded them.

 

Across the room, something snapped inside Carrie Reed and she suddenly grabbed her purse off the chair beside her.  With a single-minded purpose, she began to push her way through the crowd to where John, Kristen and Marlena were the center of attention.  Austin, seeing her face, realized that something was very wrong and followed her.

 

Sami, who had come out of the bathroom as Kristen had ‘popped’ her question, had been standing on the outskirts of the gathering.  She saw her sister, with Austin following her and something told her that whatever was about to happen, it wasn’t going to be good.  With adrenaline flooding her system, she began pushing through the crowd, hoping to head Carrie off before she reached her target.  However, she was too late as she made it to the focus of the crowd immediately after Austin.

 

It was a moment before John saw Carrie, but when he did, a cold shiver ran through him.  Carrie stared at him with hard jade-colored eyes as she opened her purse.  Deliberately, she drew out a small pistol before dropping the purse on the floor.  The mother of pearl handle of the gun was cool against her palm as she trained it on her target.

 

Carrie! *No*!” Austin’s voice sounded behind her, but she heard nothing.  Her sole and only focus was John Black.  And she was going to kill him.

 

John stood frozen as he contemplated Carrie, the small caliber pistol trained on him with unerring accuracy.

 

“Carrie, punkin,” he whispered desperately, “you don’t wanna do this baby.”

 

“*Shut* up,” she hissed as she clicked the safety off. 

 

John heard Marlena’s frantic intake of breath behind him, and he closed his eyes, almost in slow motion. 

 

Just when he was so close. 

 

Was this some kind of cruel fate that they could never be allowed to be together? 

 

A seed of realization blossomed within him as the cold fear unrolled in the pit of his stomach. 

 

Not fate.  Stefano DiMera.

 

A vision of a small jigsaw puzzle piece, inscribed with the letter ‘C’, flashed before his eyes.  It was the last thought he had before Caroline Brady Reed tightened her finger on the trigger, and fired the small, but deadly pistol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 87 – Wild Eyes

 

 

Marlena heard her own anguished scream, but it was distant, as though she was disassociated from her own body.  The moment seemed to last forever as she watched Carrie holding the gun on John.  Steadily and deliberately, the young woman snapped off the safety and with a cruel glint in her eye, she pulled on the trigger.

 

Noise exploded through the room and almost instantaneously, John crumpled in a heap on the floor.

 

“Carrie, *NO*!!” Sami’s raw scream sounded above the tumultuous, jagged terror of the assembled crowd.  With the first shot, people scattered, backing away from the young woman, dreading the possibility that she might turn the gun on any one of them next. 

 

But with frightening conviction, she leveled the gun at where John lay still on the floor.  She had a job to finish.

 

Silently, oblivious to the chaos whirling around her, she tightened her hands around the butt of the pistol. 

 

“*CARRIE!*” The sound tore from Austin’s throat and he knew without a doubt what his wife was going to do.  And if he couldn’t prevent it before, he could as sure as hell prevent it now. 

 

In one desperately impulsive movement, he dove in front of her as she fired the gun a second time, the tiny, deadly bullet shattering soft, mortal flesh and bone.

 

The metal of the gun caught the light as it fell and clattered against the cold wooden floor, bouncing twice before it came to rest against Sami’s foot.

 

Carrie stared down at the bright scarlet blood spattered across her hands and gown.

 

Eyes wide, she looked in horror at the two, lifeless bodies on the ground in front of her.  Then her frightened and confused gaze turned to Sami who stood only feet away from her, her own horrified stare snared by the blood that was pooling beneath Austin.

 

“Sami, what have you *done*?” Carrie issued a terrified whisper.  “My God, what have you done?”

 

“Me?” Sami was confused and too stunned to understand what Carrie was saying.  The pandemonium that was ensuing around them wasn’t helping matters.  Screaming was being replaced by a terrified and hysterical sobbing as people recovered from the shock of what had happened.

 

Carrie looked at back at Austin.  He was staring at her.  Or at least his eyes were.  Any life that ever had been in them was gone now.  The realization hit Carrie like a crushing force, and she felt an iciness invade her whole body.

 

“You…..” she turned to her sister, tears pooling in her eyes, “you….” Her voice became louder and more strangled as the shock hit her.  “You’ve *killed* them.  You bitch, you *killed* them.”  She lunged at Sami, uncontrollably trying to get her fingers around the young woman’s throat.

 

“I didn’t…-” Sami tried to argue with Carrie but her sudden attack was too vicious.  She tried to back away from Carrie, but her sister gripped the front of her pale blue silk dress and tore at it.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Sami fought back, forcibly grabbing Carrie’s hands and pushing her away.  “God, you’re insane.  You’re crazy.  You did it.  *You* did it!”

 

Carrie’s reaction was split second as she struck out, leaving white finger marks across Sami’s cheek.

 

“You evil lying *bitch*,” the tears were pouring down Carrie’s cheeks.  “Look at him.  *LOOK*!”  She pointed with a shaking finger at where Austin lay.

 

Sami did look.  She couldn’t help it.  Her eyes were drawn as if by some macabre force to the bloodily tragic scene.  It was obvious that Austin was dead and for all she knew, John could be too.  This was like a nightmare that she just couldn’t wake from. 

 

Carrie took advantage of her split-second diversion and flew at her again, this time knocking her to the ground.

 

“You think I’d kill my own *husband*!?” she was white with fury as she struggled with Sami on the floor.  “You sick evil witch.  What was it?  You couldn’t have Austin, so you didn’t want anyone to have him?!!”  She flailed at Sami, scratching her cheek with her long nails.

 

“Get off me,” Sami yelled, terrified disjointed thoughts crashing through her mind as Carrie attacked her.  If Carrie had been crazy enough to shoot John and Austin, what might she do to her?

 

“*Carrie!*,” Roman and Eric finally got their hands on Carrie’s struggling body and pulled her with some difficulty off her sister  “Carrie get away from her.”  Roman demanded as Carrie tried once again to lunge at Sami.  Shawn helped Sami up as Roman and Eric held Carrie back.  It wasn’t easy to control her as she babbled hysterically.

 

“C’mon pumpkin,” Roman tried in a soothing tone.  “Let’s go and sit down.”

 

“*No*!,” Carrie’s reply was one of pure anguish as she turned to see Austin again, lying in the same inert position he had been since he crumpled to the ground, his blank eyes a horrible reminder of what she had lost tonight.  “*Austin*!”

 

Taking Roman by surprised, she ripped herself out of his grip and with a speed that belied her five-month pregnancy, she flung herself dramatically on top of her husband, wailing like a figure from a Shakespearean tragedy.

 

It was as though time stopped for a moment as everyone stared at Carrie and then Bo came to his brother’s aid and between them, they managed to lift Carrie from Austin’s body.  Roman carried his eldest daughter in his arms away from where her husband lay dead, killed by her own hand.

 

Eric wrapped his arms around his trembling twin, and she turned from Carrie to the frightening scene in front of her.

 

“John,” Sami moaned.  “Oh God no.  Please.  This can’t be happening.”  Eric pulled Sami closer to him and they watched as Mike Horton turned Austin’s head to him.  At the sight of his dull lifeless eyes, Mike shook his head regretfully at a numb Kate and Victor, confirming what everyone already knew. 

 

Sami, although she knew it, wasn’t prepared for the slamming guilt and pain that she felt when Mike deleted any remaining shred of hope.  That and the sight of her child’s father dead in front of her own eyes was the final straw.  She began to retch and breaking free of Eric’s arms she ran for the bathroom.

 

Not even noticing the altercation between Carrie and Sami, Marlena had dropped to her knees beside John, her vision blurring with tears.

 

“*John?*”  it was a desperate entreaty as she felt with trembling fingers for his pulse.  The blood already seeped insidiously across the front of his white dress shirt, even staining the cream rose he wore in his buttonhole.  “John, honey, don’t you leave me now.  *Please* don’t leave me.”

 

Her fingers encountered the warm stickiness of his blood as she searched his neck for any sign of life.

 

“Oh God,” it was a strangled sob of relief when she finally located the weak, erratic pulse that throbbed lightly in his throat.  It was bedlam all around her, but she heard and saw nothing.  Not Carrie and Sami, not Gene, not Kristen.  Only John, as he lay pale and cold on the ground.

 

God, why had she left it so long?  Why had she let her head be ruled by petty, pointless anger and fear?

 

“John?” she repeated his name as she squeezed his icy fingers in hers.  “John can you hear me?”  She wiped away the tears with one bloodied hand and leaned closer to him.  “Baby, please don’t leave me now.  I need you too much.  Our babies need you too much.  Please don’t let it end like this.”

 

“Marlena, please,” Mike Horton was at her side, pulling off his shirt so he could use it to staunch the steady flow of blood from the wound in John’s chest.  “I need you to move.”  She looked up at him blankly and shifted so that John’s head was practically in her lap.  Mike wadded up his shirt and Peter’s, pressing them to the jagged bullet wound in John’s left shoulder.

 

“John please,” Marlena’s voice was a low urgent whisper for him only.  “Please don’t leave me before I can tell you the truth.  There’s so many things you need to know.”  His head was touching the small bulge of her stomach and she felt his baby move within her.

 

Suddenly, John’s eyelid’s fluttered, and for a moment, he looked up at her with vividly sky-blue eyes.

 

“John?” her palm cupped his cheek as she bent low over him, seeing the gleam in his eyes and the quirk of his lips, as though he wanted to tell her something. 

 

And then the light in his eyes flickered and his lids blinked closed.

 

“John?”  With her heart racing, she felt for his pulse again, but there was nothing.  “*John!*.”  She pressed her lips together, her tears raining softly on his face.  “John *dammit* don’t you give up now.  Not *now*.”  She began to shake with sobs and Mike looked up at Eugene.

 

“Get her out of here, *now*,” he ordered.

 

Marlena felt Gene’s strong arms around her, and she struggled briefly, not wanting to let go of John, even for a moment.  But he was persistent and when she realized Mike was preparing to try CPR she started back in shock.  The realization that John’s heart had stopped beating was enough that she couldn’t stand by herself, and Gene had to support her as she stood, white faced, staring at Mike and Lexie as they worked on him.

 

Inside her mind screamed, drowning out the babble of voices around her.

 

No.  Not now.  *Not NOW*!  God please, please don’t let him die.  I can’t do this without him.  Please John, don’t give up.  *Don’t* *give* *up*.

 

Gene held her tightly as her body shook with utterly forlorn sobs, a desolate grief spreading through her, stripping her of all reason and of any thought but of John and his fate.

 

 

Kristen had watched the whole scene with a fascinated and suspended panic.  John’s refusal to marry her had been enough to shock her into a numbed antipathy and she had simply watched as John’s beloved Carrie had fired the gun that had been intended to take his life.  And then when Austin had sacrificed himself, she had stumbled back against Peter.  He held her as she watched Marlena fall to her knees in tears, begging John to be all right.  She hadn’t even been able to snap herself out of it when Carrie had attacked Sami.  She had simply clutched the bouquet of flowers in her hand, silently crushing the stems in her grip, as she realized the incontrovertible truth. 

 

I can’t marry you because I lo-. 

 

Because I love Marlena, Kristen finished off the sentence in her mind.  Marlena, Marlena, Marlena.  It’s always f*cking *Marlena*.  As long as Marlena was in their lives, Kristen knew she would never have John.  Even the baby wasn’t enough to break *that* bond.

 

She looked at the other woman, who was now standing with Eugene Bradford holding her.  And Roman was making his way from his unbalanced daughter’s side to check on Marlena.  Kristen ground her teeth together, suddenly resisting the incredibly powerful urge to feel her fingers breaking every bone in Marlena’s neck.  She had all these men just flocking to her side and Kristen had no-one but her brother.  And even he seemed more interested in Jenn’s reaction to Austin’s death as they pulled a white satin drape over his body.

 

“Got it!” Mike called triumphantly from the floor as John coughed slightly.  His pulse was still weak and thready, but it was there again.  He took a deep breath.  “Thank you John.  Now just hang on in there buddy.” 

 

Above him, Kristen saw the devastated Marlena move unsteadily toward John and something snapped.

 

“Get away from him you *whore*!”  she screamed as she threw the flowers at Marlena.  “He’s *mine*.  Get your filthy hands *away* from him.”

 

Marlena snapped her head up in shock and stumbled slightly at the ferociousness of Kristen’s words.  Gene and Roman both caught an arm and glared at the other woman, her face white with barely contained fury.

 

“Kristen, that’s enough,” Peter hissed as he pulled Kristen back.  Kristen fought for a moment, wanting with all of her being to lunge forward and tear Marlena’s eyes out.  But he held his grip on her arms and with one final glare at her hated enemy, she turned to him and threw herself against him, unleashing the floodgate of tears that had been stored within her.

 

“He can’t die Peter, he can’t die, I can’t live without him.  I can’t do it.  He can’t leave me.  He can’t leave me with this baby all alone.” 

 

Her sobs grew into a great, keening wail, which filled the room as she let the full impact of what had happened sink into her consciousness.

 

Down on the floor, Mike Horton cringed as he heard Kristen’s diatribe.  Shock and grief did strange things to people but that was completely off the register.  He was concerned about the strung-out state of both women and the affects it might be having on the babies they carried, especially given both of their histories.  And besides John and Eugene Bradford, he was the only one that knew the truth about Kristen’s child and that put him in a unique position. 

 

But at this point, he really was primarily interested in the survival of the patient in front of him.  And the longer it took for the paramedics to get here the more hope ebbed from him that John might survive this trauma.

 

“Christ Abe, where *are* they?” he consulted his watch.  Abe spoke into his cell phone as his worried eyes darted to John’s inert form. 

 

“Apparently there’s been a car wreck in town.  It’s just about cleared, and they should be here soon.”

“It better be soon, or they may as well not come at all,” Mike mumbled frustratedly.

 

Hearing his words, Marlena covered her mouth with both her hands, stifling a wrenching sob as she sagged against Roman.

 

“Hey Doc,” he murmured encouragingly rubbing her arm, “he’s a fighter.  He’s got too much to live for, he’s not going anywhere.” 

 

Marlena could only nod numbly.  All the platitudes in the world wouldn’t save John now.  The only thing that might save him was his own will to live.

 

Unfortunatel,y Kristen’s sobbing had momentarily slowed enough to hear the mumbled words from Mike and Roman and it was enough to make her snap again.

 

“John, *NO*!”  she wrenched herself from Peter’s grip, throwing her bulky body to the floor where John lay.  “John, don’t leave me.  Don’t *leave* me.  Nooooo!” 

 

Her crying had turned into agonized screams, interspersed with gut-wrenching wails and without a second thought, she pulled John’s body towards her.

 

“*Christ*!” Mike bodily pushed Kristen away from his patient.  “Get her away from him!  Things are bad enough as it is.”  He looked up at Peter who seemed to be dumbstruck by what was happening.  “Dammit Peter get your sister under control!  Before she finishes John off.”

 

Peter suddenly scrambled into action and dropped to the floor where he pulled Kristen back from John’s blood-soaked body.  She continued to screech as Peter held her, rocking her to and fro.

 

 

It was several eternally long minutes later that the paramedics finally arrived.  Marlena felt as though every nerve was stretched as tightly as a violin string as she watched them slide John carefully onto a stretcher.  Her fists were screwed into tight knots as the paramedics administered a saline drip before packing his wound tightly.  It was her natural reaction as a doctor to detach from a situation and treat it as a medical problem, but it wasn’t that easy when someone she loved was involved.  And as much as she tried to keep calm and removed from what was happening in front of her, bit by bit, she was feeling her emotions slip away from her control.

 

Suddenly the image of Carrie holding the gun flashed into her mind and her eyes darted around the room.

 

“Where’s Carrie, Roman?” she asked suddenly.

 

“She’s okay Doc,” Roman said gently, “Bo and Hope are out with her on the balcony.”

 

“Is she really okay?” Marlena’s tear-filled eyes flitted to where the room led to the balcony and then back to Roman.  “Roman,” her voice lowered, “what happened?  What would make her *do* something like that?”  Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks but she didn’t make any effort to brush them away.

 

“I don’t know Doc,” Roman shook his head gravely, “but I promise you I’m going to find out.”

 

“I should go to her.” Marlena whispered in a remarkably controlled voice.

 

“No Doc,” Roman shook his head assuredly.  “You have enough to worry about.  You just have to concentrate on yourself and that baby of yours right now, okay?”  Marlena looked at him as though she was going to argue.  “*No* Marlena.  Carrie has plenty of family to look after her.  Right now, *you* need to be thinking of yourself and this baby.  I’ll go and check on her, okay?”

 

Marlena nodded, feeling guiltily relieved that he was so insistent.  He was right, she really wasn’t up to dealing with anything or anyone right now.  Her anguish and her fear were more than enough as she watched the paramedics prepare to wheel John toward the elevator.  In fact, they were such that she didn’t even notice when Roman left her side.

 

“Please,” she heard her own voice as she clutched at the female paramedic’s arm.  “Please, can I go with him in the ambulance.”

 

“Sure Dr. Evans,” the brunette nodded.  “I think we should have you checked out anyway.”

 

“*NO*!” Kristen’s voice sounded fiercely from behind her, and Marlena turned to see Peter helping her up.  Her eyes were wild, and her cheek was smeared with John’s blood.  “You’re not going with him you bitch.  Stay away from him, you’re not going anywhere near him.”

“What makes you think you have any right to tell me what to do?” With an extreme effort, Marlena kept a check on her rage.  “You don’t own him.  He doesn’t even love you.  You don’t have any claim to him.”

 

“Oh, and you do?” Kristen laughed maniacally.  “A whore, pregnant with another man’s child.  What makes you think he wants you?  *I’m* the one carrying *his* baby.”

 

Marlena felt her stomach turn and she glared at Kristen with unabated hatred.  She didn’t have the energy to fight with this harridan.  She had to save what she could for John and for their child.  Slowly, she turned away from Kristen and back to Annie the paramedic.

 

“I’m ready to go,” she said in a low voice.

 

Kristen wasn’t about to give up and with a piercing scream she lurched at Marlena.  Marlena swung around and instinctively raised her arms in front of her to ward off the banshee.  Kristen’s rage however gave her the extra impulsion she needed, and she knocked Marlena off balance.  Q managed to catch Marlena as Kristen pushed her and he swung around so that he was in between the two women.

 

“Get away from her, you vicious tramp!” he threw the words over his shoulder as he pulled the shaking Marlena to him.

 

“We don’t have *time* for this,” Mike grimaced as he and Bo helped Peter pull the struggling and shrieking Kristen back from where Gene was glaring back at her.

 

“C’mon Krissy,” Peter entreated, “settle down okay?”  Kristen’s response was unintelligible among the sobbing screams she emitted and as she flailed against Peter, Mike became increasingly worried that she might hurt the baby in her incoherent distress.  That, coupled with the fact that every second wasted was a second John was closer to dying, helped him make a swift decision.

 

“Give her a sedative,” he ordered Annie.  “Before she hurts herself or someone else.” 

 

Annie nodded and swiftly found a syringe and bottle of tranquilizer.  She drew the clear liquid into the syringe and skillfully flicked out the few air bubbles that had settled against the plastic.

 

“*No*!”  Kristen struggled against Mike and Bo as Annie advanced towards her.  She knew what that needle meant and she didn’t want it.  Not if it meant that bitch Marlena getting her own way.   Lashing out with her feet, she kicked the attractive paramedic in the midriff.  Annie bent over, her eyes wide with surprise as the breath left her.  However, she signaled to Mike that she was all right and she resumed edging towards Kristen.

 

The remaining struggle was brief as Annie plunged the needle into the bare skin of Kristen’s upper arm and depressed the plunger.  Kristen continued to try and evade Bo and Mike’s grip until finally the sedative began to overpower her, effectively paralyzing her muscles so that she sagged against her captors.  Her eyes rolled back in her head, and Annie checked her pulse. 

 

“She’s fine,” she nodded as Bo lay her down on the floor.

 

“Can you stay here with her Ann?  We really have to go,” the urgency in Mike’s voice was unmistakable.

 

“We’ll follow you once the other ambulances get here.” Annie nodded.

 

“Great,” Mike nodded and nodded at Jeff, the second paramedic.  “Let’s go.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 88 – Torn

 

 

Mike and Jeff deftly guided the stretcher to the elevator in record time as Marlena and Q followed them.  As they reached the door of the Titan building, Marlena suddenly staggered and only Gene’s grip kept her upright.  He looked down at her and seeing her ashen face, he stopped.

 

“Hey,” his arm tightened around her.  “Sweetheart, are you okay?”  Marlena tried to nod, but her head was swimming and she felt sick.  Gene frowned momentarily and then bent down.  Swiftly, he collected her in his arms and swept her up so that he could carry her the rest of the way to the ambulance.  Marlena didn’t argue, only slid her arms around his neck and leaned her head against him.

 

Mike helped him climb into the ambulance and set Marlena down on the ground.

 

“Here, come and sit down.”  Mike led her to the second stretcher in the ambulance.  Marlena nodded mutely, but as she lowered herself onto the white cotton, she finally saw the blood that was already encrusting the front of her dress. 

 

John’s blood.

 

“Oh,” her breathing became ragged as she turned her hands palm up, the blood already drying on her fingers.  Then she looked at John, pale and lifeless in the stretcher opposite her.  “Oh God,” she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as she began to shake.  “Oh God, oh God.” 

 

Gene felt her pain so acutely he could barely breath as he watched the terror and pain fill her beautiful hazel eyes.

 

“Oh baby,” he murmured as he pulled her to him, folding his arms around her shaking frame. 

 

It was then that she finally gave into the shock and the uncontrollable, jarring sobs that shook her whole body.  Gene said nothing, just looked over at Mike as he held her tightly, one hand stroking her short blonde hair gently as he rocked with her.

 

 

It was only a few minutes later that the ambulance pulled into the emergency bay of the hospital, it’s lights still flashing, sirens still wailing.  In a numb silence, Marlena simply watched the frenzy of action as nurses and doctors rushed out and John’s stretched was removed from the ambulance and rushed into the hospital.   A nurse remained behind and after several moments with no reaction from Marlena, she crouched down and put her hand gently on the blonde woman’s knee.

 

“Hi there.  My name’s Michelle.  We need to get you inside Marlena, so that the doctors can check you out.”  Marlena shifted slightly so that her forehead rested against Gene’s damp chest.

 

“I’m fine,” she finally managed with a small hiccup.

 

“I’m sure you are, but the doctors just want to make sure everything is fine, and the baby is doing okay.”

 

“Mmmm,” Marlena nodded her head, suddenly incredibly weary.  Michelle looked concerned, knowing that shock was probably setting in.

 

“C’mon Marlena,” Gene murmured against her hair.  “Hang on to me again, okay?”

 

He looked over at Michelle who nodded and straightened up, backing away from the couple.  Gently, Q lifted Marlena into his arms again and without fanfare, he followed Michelle into the hospital.

 

 

******

 

 

Lexie Carver pushed her hair off her forehead wearily, ignoring the blood that covered her hands and clothes and she walked out to the balcony.  Carrie seemed to be calm now and she was sitting with Bo, Hope and her father.

 

“Carrie?” she said gently and the young woman looked up at her with reddened eyes.

 

“How is he?” she asked without preemption.

 

“Austin?” Lexie dreaded telling her the truth.  She wasn’t sure what was going on, why Carrie had fired those two deadly shots or even if she even had any idea yet that she had.  She just knew that the Carrie she knew was going to be devastated by this news.  “Carrie honey,” she pressed her lips together before she shook her head. “I’m sorry honey, there was nothing we could do.  The bullet passed through one of Austin’s arteries.  He died almost immediately.”

 

“Died?” Carrie looked confused.  “But he can’t be dead,” she shook her head, looking around her family, trying to convince them, or trying to find someone that would back her up.  “He can’t be.  He was right there.  He came with me.”  She looked up at Lexie desperately.  “We’re going to have a baby Lexie.  He’s looking forward to it.”

 

“Sweetheart,” Roman crouched down so that he was looking up at Carrie.  His voice was infinitely gentle as he took Carrie’s hands in his.  “It’s true pumpkin.  Lexie’s telling you the truth.  Austin is dead.”

 

“No, he’s not,” Carrie’s mind seemed to have totally blanked out the earlier events of the evening, and she became more determined in her denial.  “He’s probably just gone to get a drink or something.  He’ll be right back.”  Roman looked up at Lexie worriedly.  He had seen this sort of reaction to the death of someone close once before.  He only hoped he didn’t have to shock the truth into Carrie the same way he had with Marlena.  Even given that, he didn’t know how Carrie was going to cope with the realization she had killed her own husband, or even if she *could* cope.

 

Lexie shook her head and Roman followed her to the door of the restaurant.

 

“I think we should let her deal with it in her own time,” Lexie said quietly.  “In the meantime, we need to get her to the hospital and run a thorough checkup on both her and the baby.”

 

“Can you find out why she did this?” Roman asked, battling the headache that had settled behind his eyes. 

 

“We’re certainly going to try Roman,” Lexie promised him as the unspoken thought passed between them. 

 

They had to find out, because if they didn’t, Carrie would pay for this crime.  Possibly with her life.

 

 

******

 

 

Obsidian eyes flickered as reports of a shooting at Salem’s Penthouse Grille filtered through the static of the radio news.  One person dead, another in critical condition.

 

“It would seem as though little Carrie Brady Reed has done an admirable job, no?”  The deep Italian baritone rang out in the small room.  Brandy splashed into two expensive crystal tumblers, and thick, stubby fingers closed around one, clinking the rim against the other.  “Here’s to success.”

 

“Let’s not speak too soon,” a smooth voice answered, the European intonations succinct and unmistakable.  “We don’t know who she killed yet.  I want him *dead*.  Nothing less will satisfy me.”

 

“Or me.”  There was no laughter left in the voice.  “We will wait.”

 

A hand closed over the cellular phone that sat nearby.  Soon enough.  They would know, soon enough.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena clung tightly to Gene as he carried her into the trauma center, her heart full of dread at what might happen at any moment.  She was a doctor; she knew the reality of John’s chances.  And knowing that, it was all she could do not to fall apart completely.  Because if she closed her eyes, all she could see was Carrie firing that gun and then a flash of John’s impossibly blue eyes as he looked up at her.

 

Suddenly Roman’s words flooded back to her.  Why is it that every time it has taken the threat of losing each other to make you face your feelings?   Why *had* she waited so long?  Why had she been so stubborn? Why hadn’t she and John learnt from their mistakes?  Lord knows they’d made enough of them.  And now she was only left with questions and more questions.  Any answers were lying in the emergency room with John.

 

She wouldn’t forget that look on his face as long as she lived.  When he’d looked at her before he had told Kristen that he could not marry her.  Every thought and every feeling had passed between them and all that they had been unwilling to say for so long, no longer needed to be said.  They simply knew.

 

But cruelly, fate had seen fit to deny them the chance to act on that knowledge.  Marlena wondered pessimistically if it was just fate itself that they were not meant to be together in this life.  Because every time they got close, it seemed if chance itself was torn away from them, and they were further apart from before.

 

Michelle guided them to one of the rooms and helped Gene settle her on the bed.  Quickly and efficiently, she took Marlena’s vitals and noted them on a chart, which she would take out to the nurses’ station in a moment.  Thankfully, nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, but she wanted Marlena seen by one of the doctors as soon as possible, just to be on the safe side.

 

“I have to go, but a doctor will be in to see you very soon,” she told them with a reassuring smile.

 

“Thanks,” Gene spoke for both of them, as Marlena seemed to be completely withdrawing.  Michelle nodded and left the room as Gene sat on the edge of the bed and slipped his arm around Marlena’s shoulders.

 

“He’ll be all right you know,” he told her with more certainty than he felt.  Marlena said nothing as she looked up at him with pained, worried eyes.  Neither of them knew that for sure.  And they could only sit and wait in the meantime.

 

“Marlena,” Marlena started as Vivian’s voice interrupted the soothing silence that had cocooned them.  She wasn’t even sure how long it had been since the nurse had left.  Only that no one had been in to tell them anything and it was starting to send her crazy.  “Darling, how are you?”  Vivian had surprised herself in feeling genuinely upset at the evening’s events and she felt bad for Marlena.  Her concern for her nephew had been enough that she had felt the need to follow Kristen’s ambulance down to the hospital and check on his condition. 

 

“She’s worried about John naturally,” Q said rather tersely when Marlena didn’t answer.

 

“Of course you are my dear,” Vivian’s mouth pursed up as it did when she was concerned.  “In fact, I just asked one of those terribly helpful nurses to find out how John is.  She said she would come back in a few minutes.  I thought you might like to know.”

 

If Marlena had been capable of it, she would have thanked Vivian.  Mere courtesy would have demanded it.  Marlena was nothing, if not polite.  But as it was, she couldn’t.  She barely registered Vivian’s words, all that she could think about was that fact that she could very well lose John tonight.  That she might never again see his beautiful china blue eyes, or the way he smiled, just for her.  Belle and Brady would lose the father that they adored.  And the beautiful baby she carried would never ever feel his arms holding her, or his lips on her soft skin.  A tear slipped from her eye and carved a trail down her ivory cheek.

 

“Well, it’s the least I could do.”  Vivian shook her head, ignoring Marlena’s lack of response.  “What a dreadful, ghastly thing to happen.”  When there was no reply from either Marlena or Eugene, her eyes narrowed.  A little thanks would not go amiss.  After all, she *was* doing them a favor.   Still, she did suppose this must be fairly traumatic for the poor dear.  And after all, that dreadful Kristen had caused such a scene she could hardly blame Marlena for being shell-shocked.

 

 “It was a rather interesting evening though don’t you think?” she ploughed on, ignoring any thought of insensitivity.  “Oh, I don’t mean the shooting, but what happened before it.  I didn’t think John had it in him, standing up to that gorgon.  Really, I was quite appalled that she would be foolish enough to try something like that.  Rather setting herself up for a fall don’t you think?”

 

Gene glared at Vivian as she prattled on, but Marlena made no move to ask her to leave and he didn’t feel like he had the right to.

 

“Anyway, don’t know what has been going on between you and John, but I think it was obvious tonight to everyone, *including* that harridan might I add, that things are far from over between the two of you.  You’re rather like darling Victor and I before that *witch* Kate snatched him away.”  An expression with relayed her extreme bitterness at that fact flitted across her face before she replaced it with a slightly forced smile.  “I do hope your luck is better than ours.”

 

Any continuation of her diatribe was arrested as Mike Horton entered the room.  Being informed by the nurse that it was Vivian Alamain inquiring about John’s condition he had hastened down to Marlena’s room.

 

“Vivian,” he was slightly out of breath as he relayed his request.  “We can’t get hold of Lawrence.  He’s John’s next of kin and we need his permission before we can get John into surgery.”

 

“Lawrence?” Vivian looked surprised.  “I wouldn’t have a clue where my erstwhile nephew is.  He and I don’t exactly get along you know.”

 

“This is *urgent* Vivian.” Mike said exasperatedly.  “If we don’t get John into surgery soon, he’s going to die.  It’s as simple as that.”

 

“I haven’t talked to Lawrence in *years*,” Vivian’s lips pursed in annoyance.  She was starting to wish she ha never come to this wretched hospital.  “I wish I could help you, but I have absolutely no idea where he could be if he’s not to be found at home.”  Suddenly she brightened, quite proud at her stroke of brilliance.  “Of course, I *am* John’s aunt and his next of kin in Salem.  If you can’t find Lawrence, maybe I could give the consent you need?”

 

Mike looked at her for a moment and then nodded his head. 

 

“Works for me Vivian,” he brushed his hair out of his head tiredly.  “The surgeon and anesthetist are waiting to get John into surgery now.  If you’ll come and sign the papers, we can have him in there inside five minutes.”

“Just show me where I sign.”

 

“Thank you, Vivian,” Marlena finally found her voice, grateful that this was one time Vivian’s unpredictable behavior had worked in their favor.  “Mike,” she couldn’t help herself as Mike reached the doorway.  “What are his chances?  Really?”

 

“Honestly?” Mike wanted to lie to her, tell her that John was going to be fine, that he would pull through the surgery and be awake by tomorrow.  But it wasn’t the truth.  The truth was much grimmer, and Mike knew that Marlena could see it in his eyes.  He had always been a terrible liar.

 

The bullet that had torn through John’s shoulder had been fired at close range and it had shattered his ribs and his scapula as if they were merely dry kindling.  The shattered fragments of bone had then moved downwards, piercing one of John’s lungs so that effectively he was drowning in his own blood.  With that and the stress on his heart, only hard work by a team of dedicated trauma specialists had kept him alive this far. 

 

Mike knew that given all this, if he lied to Marlena now, when John’s chances were so slim, the shock would be all the greater if John didn’t pull through. 

 

“Honestly,” Marlena’s voice shook as he repeated his question.

 

“I’m sorry Marlena,” he shook his head, his eyes soft and his voice heavy with emotion. “It doesn’t look good at this point.  I know John is a fighter, but his injuries are very severe.” 

 

At his reply, Marlena’s skin further paled, to an ashen hue, and she let out a strangled sob.  Mike tried not to let her obvious show of emotion get to him, but it was difficult.  He loved these people so much; they were almost like family to him. 

 

“I can promise you that we will do everything in our power to bring him through this.  But the best thing you can do for John now is rest and keep your strength up.  That baby needs you.  And pray.  I know if my Granpa were here he would tell you that prayer can sometimes work miracles.  We’ve all seen it.  Don’t you forget it.”

 

Marlena nodded tearfully and watched as he left the room after Vivian.  Then she turned to Gene.

“I’m going to lose him,” she said hoarsely.  “I’m going to lose him, and he’ll never know he’s going to be a father again.  I’ll never be able to tell him how much I love him and need him in my life…..” 

 

Q had no idea what to say as she dissolved into agonized tears again, clinging to him as though without his solidity, she was completely lost and adrift in this numbing grief.  His arms folded around her shaking shoulders as he wondered why the Continuum hadn’t warned him this was going to happen.  Was there some way he could have stopped this, if only he had known?  Why had they all suffered so much only to fail at this final moment?

 

Maybe it was just that when something like this happened, all you were left with was questions.  Mortality afforded many more painful and permanent lessons than a thousand years in the Continuum could. 

 

He brushed his lips softly across Marlena’s hair as he held her.  Prayer?  Maybe the arrogance of the Continuum had blinded them to something more powerful and everlasting than they could even imagine.  Experiencing the love he felt for Marlena, the joy that the children brought to all of their lives and seeing the bond between John and Marlena had opened his eyes to possibilities he had never before considered.  Maybe they didn’t have all the answers.  The dark, soulless existence of the Continuum was certainly not to be desired any more.  Not by him.

 

 Whatever the case, he *would* pray.  He would do anything to save Marlena from a lifetime of this pain.

 

Anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 89 – Limbo

 

 

It was sometime later that Roman had his arm around his bewildered daughter’s shoulders as he gently guided her into the trauma center.  Lexie was among those with him, and she quickly arranged for a room for Carrie.

 

“Don’t leave me Daddy,” she begged with huge, haunted eyes as he helped settle her on the bed.

 

“It’s all right pumpkin, I won’t leave you,” he promised in a soft voice as he stroked her hair.  The truth was, he was afraid to leave her.  She seemed to have no idea what had happened tonight, and mood was swinging wildly.  He was afraid that any further shock might be the catalyst that caused her to completely lose her grip on reality.  If she hadn’t already.

 

All he had every wanted to do was protect his family.  His gorgeous wife and his beautiful babies.  What a miserable job he had done of it.

 

“Roman, I need to talk to you,” Abe motioned toward the door.  Roman felt Carrie’s hands clutch at him desperately and he felt tears in his eyes.  He didn’t know what to do, he wanted so desperately to be able to shield his family from this pain, but he knew that was impossible.  Carrie had shot two people and the law was going to want to know why.  He needed to know why.  For all their sakes.

 

“It’s all right Roman,” Lexie touched him gently on the shoulder.  “I’ll make sure she’s safe.”

 

“I’ll stick here Dad,” Eric offered, taking Carrie’s chilled hand in his.   “You go and do what you have to do.”  Roman nodded.

 

“I have to go and talk to Abe, pumpkin.  But I’ll be right back, okay?”  She nodded uncertainly.  “I’ll be just outside the room if you need me.”  He kissed her on the forehead and left her to follow Abe out of the room.

 

“Any clues partner?” he asked as he pulled the constricting bow tie from around his throat.  Abe watched him pull the top two buttons of his dress shirt open and then shook his head.

 

“We haven’t found a thing Roman.  The gun was unregistered and there’s no lead to where it came from or how Carrie got it.  We know Carrie went away for a couple of weeks.  Austin even asked me to look for her because she hadn’t contacted him.  But we have no idea where she was or what she did.” 

 

Abe looked as guilty as he felt.  If only he had done as Austin had asked, the young man might not be lying in the morgue right now.  Roman had no time however to appease Abe’s guilty conscience.

 

“So, Carrie was gone for at least two weeks, and we have no idea where.  And then she pulls a gun on John and shoots her husband.”

 

“She’d been back for a while.” Abe appraised him.  “You know that.  We’re talking to staff she works with at Titan now to see if her behavior since she returned will give us any indication as to whether there was something odd after she came back to Salem.”  He sighed; the weight of the night’s events heavy on his shoulders.  “Roman, you know that we are…-” Roman put up his hand to stop Abe speaking.

 

“Don’t say it Abe.  Just don’t say it.  It’s not her.  She didn’t do this.  There’s something else going on and you know it as well as I do.”

 

“I know buddy,” Abe’s sympathy was all too real.  He had found himself in a similar position with Jonah at one time.  And he hated to see the Brady’s suffer through yet another tragedy.  Wasn’t enough, enough already?  “But you know the procedure Roman.  Carrie shot John and killed Austin.  That’s all we know right now.  A crime has been committed.”

 

Roman could feel the scars on his back tearing at him.  In times of stress the memory of the pain that had been

inflicted on him had an unpleasant way of returning to haunt him.  He covered his eyes with his hand for a moment, trying to sort out his chaotic thoughts. 

 

“Abe, she doesn’t even realize that Austin is dead, much less know that she did it.  Do you have any idea what arresting her might do to her mental state?”

 

“I do,” Lexie’s voice came from behind Roman’s shoulder.

 

 

*****

 

 

Sami stood alone in the trauma center, watching the bustle of activity from her vantage point.  It was as though by hiding herself away in one of the small alcoves afforded by the pay-phones that she might melt into obscurity.  All around her, her family was falling apart, and she had no idea how to deal with that.

 

She had watched Carrie shoot John in cold blood and then accidentally kill her own husband.  Will’s father.  And then Carrie had turned to her and accused her of doing it. 

 

It still hadn’t really sunk in.  Austin was dead, John might very well be too.  And it was Carrie, her own sister who had done it.

 

And then she had seen her mother on her knees by John, tears streaking her face.

 

Sami had no idea what had transpired before the moment she had run after Carrie.  All she knew was Marlena seemed devastated by what had happened.  It was almost like Marlena had seen nothing else going on around her.  All her senses were for John.  That wasn’t a woman who was happily pregnant with someone else’s child.  That was a woman who was desperately in love with John.

 

Sami shook her head. 

 

“What’s going on Mom?” she whispered, her face was pale as she tried to make sense of what had happened.  She knew John loved Marlena.  She could see it when he as much as looked at her.  So why was he living with Kristen again?  After everything that had happened?  And why had Marlena been acting so strangely?  Sami knew too little and yet too much to be able to understand what was going on.  She suspected John and Marlena themselves probably didn’t even know.

 

But something in Marlena’s grief had spoken to Sami.  With her own reawakened love for her ‘surrogate’ father, she identified something of herself in the distress that had swamped her mother.  And it was unsettling.  Marlena was pregnant with Eugene’s child.  Sami was so angry with her for that. 

 

But she felt so lost and lonely right now and instinctively she wanted her mother’s comfort.  She didn’t know why her mother should understand her own anguish, she only knew she would.

 

She shook her head and closed her eyes, pulling her wrap tightly around her, trying to ignore the blood that stained the ice-blue satin.  How could she turn to Marlena?  After everything that had happened, after all the hurt and heartache, how could she just turn around and expect to ask for comfort?

 

“Sami?”  Sami opened her eyes to find the weary grey eyes of Mike Horton looking back at her.

 

“Oh, hi Mike,” her lips twitched, but she couldn’t smile.  She had lost too much tonight.

 

“How are you doing?” his voice was gentle.  He had been on his way to see Marlena when he had seen Sami standing in the corner, dazed and alone and his heart had gone out to the young woman.  It seemed that in her family’s concern for Marlena and Carrie, they had forgotten about their vulnerable younger girl.

 

“I’m doing fine,” Sami called on her usual strong façade.  It was a matter of habit now.  Never let anyone see how bad it hurts.  She no longer remembered why it was that she had to be strong.  She just had to.

 

“If you don’t mind me saying so,” the corner of Mike’s mouth curled upwards, “you don’t look like you’re doing fine.”  Sami glared at him for a moment, trying to find the energy to argue with him, to tell him it was none of her business.  But she couldn’t, she was drained of every semblance of fight.  Mike reached out and flipped Sami’s long blonde hair behind her shoulder.  Since the time that Sami had been in here when she had cut herself getting to Kristen, he had found he had a soft spot for her.  She was a complex young woman, and he had a hard time figuring her out.  But, he suspected, under that hard shell, there was a frightened and softhearted young lady.  But she had pushed everyone so far away that people had trouble seeing behind the veneer.  At least, that was what he suspected.

 

“C’mon Sami.  I know you can’t be fine.  After everything that happened tonight?”  He could see the tears that Sami was fighting seeping around the edges of her ice-blue eyes.  “You shouldn’t be out here alone.”  Sami shrugged self-deprecatingly.

 

“Everyone’s busy,” she said simply as a tear betrayed her by spilling over her lash.  Hastily she wiped it away and turned from Mike so he wouldn’t see how upset she was.

 

“They’re not busy enough that they can’t take care of you Sami,” Mike said quietly, feeling the pain of the pretty blonde.  This family had been through so much.  *God* why did they still have to suffer?

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Sami shook her head sadly.

 

“Yes it *does* matter,” Mike took her hand in his and squeezed it.  “Your feelings and your grief are just as important as anyone else’s.  And,” he paused wondering if this was the best thing to do right now.  Oh well, he shrugged mentally, I’ll soon know if it isn’t.  “I think there is someone who would like to help you right now.”  He inclined his head towards Marlena’s room.  “Sami, your mom can help you deal with this, and to be quite honest, I think you could help *her* an awful lot.  She’s taken this very hard.”

 

“Why?” Sami shrugged.  “I don’t get it Mike.  I thought she didn’t want to have anything to do with him and now he’s….” she looked up at him, her eyes wide.

 

“He’s in surgery Sami, and he’s doing okay so far,” he told her reassuringly.

 

“Well, now he’s hurt, she’s beside herself.”  Sami frowned.  “I don’t understand her.”

 

“Well, why don’t you see if she’ll explain it to you?” Mike suggested softly.  When there was no argument from the young woman, he tugged on her hand and led her to the doorway of Marlena’s room.

 

 

******

 

 

“Abe,” Lexie turned to her husband, “Carrie’s mental state is extremely fragile at the moment.  I am calling in Dr. Welter and Laura Horton to consult but I really think at this point to arrest Carrie might have terrible repercussions.”

 

“Lex, do you have any idea when we might be able to question her?” Roman asked with concern.

 

“Roman, I really don’t know anything at this point.  We know that Carrie is blocking out what happened and to force her to remember it could break her at this point.”

 

“But Lex, we have to know what happened, what made her do this.”

 

“Abe,” Lexie shook her head wearily, “I don’t know when she’ll be able to remember or even *if* she will.  We may never know the truth of what happened tonight.”

“We *have* to know Lexie,” Roman sounded desperate.  “You know what could happen to Carrie if we don’t.”

 

Lexie put her hand on Roman’s shoulder sympathetically.

 

“I know Roman, I know what you’re going through and believe me, we will do everything we can to help.  But right now, Carrie is not strong enough to bear any questioning about what’s happened tonight.  She won’t even accept Austin is dead, trying to find out why it happened is impossible as it stands.”

 

Abe chewed on his lower lip and nodded thoughtfully.  In truth he was glad Lexie had made this decision.  He didn’t want to arrest Carrie any more than her father wanted him to.  Any excuse to stall this part of the investigation was welcomed and it would give him more time to find out what had really happened to Carrie in those weeks that she had been gone.

 

“All right,” he looked at Roman.  “You do know I’ll have to post police guards outside the door and for John when he comes out of surgery.”

 

“I realize that,” Roman paused for a moment. “Just promise me that when you do talk to Carrie, you’ll do it when I’m there?”

“Sure buddy,” Abe’s voice was gravely.  “If you want to help us, we could use all the hands we could get.”

 

“I wouldn’t be allowed back on the force Abe,” Roman cast his eyes down to the cane he was leaning on.  “Not fit for duty.”

 

“We’ll call it a consulting capacity,” Abe managed a small smile, even through all the stress they were under. 

“We could really use your help on this one Roman.”

 

“You know whatever I can do I’ll be there,” Roman nodded his head.

 

 

“*NO*,” Carrie’s hysterical voice sounded from inside the room.  “No, it’s *NOT TRUE*.”

 

Lexie and the two men turned without a word and ran into the room.

 

“He’s saying that Austin is *dead*.”  Her face was starkly white, and she was shaking as she looked at Eric.  “It’s not true,” she seemed unsure as she turned to Roman with beseeching eyes, “is it Daddy?” 

 

Roman looked over at Lexie who looked concerned but then nodded.  Lying to Carrie could only make matters worse when she eventually learnt the truth.  Roman closed his brown eyes momentarily and then looked at his sweet daughter.

 

“Carrie, sweetheart, your brother is telling the truth. Austin was killed tonight.”

 

Carrie said nothing but her brow furrowed as though she was trying to comprehend Roman’s words.

 

“No,” she whispered as she shook her head.  “It’s not true, it can’t be.”

 

“Baby,” Roman took both of her hands in his, “there was an accident.  Austin is dead.  I’m so sorry pumpkin.”

 

Carrie looked up at him, her eyes frighteningly unfamiliar.   Her gaze panned the occupants of the room, searching for the truth in their faces.  She found it in all of them and it confirmed her father’s words.  Her husband, the only man she had ever loved, was dead and she would never see him again.

 

“No,” a tear slipped from each eye as she voiced her distress, plaintively at first.  “*No*.  No… no… no… no… no… no……no………*NO*,” her voice rose a pitch with each successive no, as she wound herself into a state of near hysteria.

“Carrie,” Roman tried to put his arms around her to quell her rising grief but she thrashed at him with her arms and her flailing only grew as he tried to get near her again.

 

 Her wailing was soon enough to prompt Lexie to make a decision.  This couldn’t carry on.  The young woman would end up hurting herself or the child she carried.  Quickly she prepared a syringe with a mild sedative and with Roman’s help, she administered it.

 

“I’ll sit with her for a while,” Roman finally offered when Carrie had been settled into her chemical-induced sleep.  “You go and start finding out what the hell is going on here Abe.  Please.”  His eyes never left Carrie’s tortured face as he spoke.

 

“All right.  I’ll keep you up to date as much as I can,” Abe lay his hand on Roman’s shoulder.  “We’ll get to the bottom of this Roman, don’t worry.”

 

“I hope so Abe,” Roman shook his head, his face grave as he looked down at his broken child.  “I really hope so.”

 

 

******

 

 

Sami stopped in the doorway as Mike entered the room.  Gene Bradford was beside a very pale Marlena, while Caroline and Hope Brady sat on the end of the bed.  Shawn Brady stood looking out of the window in his stoic Irish manner and Bo Brady paced restlessly across the room.  None of them were talking, there was just a sense of helpless limbo as they waited for some kind of word on how John was doing.

 

“Mike,” Bo was the first of them to see Mike Horton and he wasted no time in asking the question that was in everyone’s mind.  “How is he Mike?  What’s happening.”

 

“There’s no news yet,” Mike shook his head, “I’m sorry, I wish I could bring you better tidings, but he’s still in surgery.  There was a problem when his blood pressure dropped, but they seem to have stabilized him for the time being.  But he is going to be in there for a while.”

 

“Do you have any idea how long?” Hope couldn’t bear this tense waiting and she hated seeing what it was doing to her family.

 

“No,” Mike shook his head, “I’m sorry, I really wish I was able to tell you more.  At this point I’m just as much in the dark as you are.”

 

Not exactly.  Marlena’s thought surprised her as it cut through the numbness, and she looked up with weary, anguished eyes.

 

“It’s not good, is it?” she asked in a hoarse whisper.  Mike stared at her.  How could she know the truth that he was holding back?  That they were barely able to keep John alive as they fought desperately to mend the damage the single bullet had wrought.  It seemed almost as though she had an invisible connection with John, and she could feel him slipping away moment by moment. 

 

Mike thought briefly about lying, but he knew she wouldn’t buy it.

 

“No,” he shook his head and ran his fingers through his short blonde hair, his exhaustion betrayed by the dark circles under his eyes.  “It’s not looking good right now.  *But*,” he reminded them, “John has never been one to give up easily.  He has a lot to live for.  Don’t any of you count him out yet.”

 

Mike’s reassuring words weren’t enough for Marlena, and it was as though something internal crumpled within her. 

 

“I should have told him,” she moaned to herself.  Maybe if she’d told John the truth about the baby, he wouldn’t be lying in that theater right now.  At least he would have something more to live for.  “Oh *God* I should have told him.”  She wrapped her arms around herself and began to sob helplessly.  She felt Gene close, but she shrugged him away.

 

A pair of arms or a whispered kind word could not soothe the wretchedness that she felt.  The utter emptiness and the consuming fear overwhelmed her, and she could do nothing but shake with long, excruciating sobs.

 

Sami felt tears in her own eyes as she stood in the doorway.  No one had yet seen her; they were all watching Marlena like stunned deer.  Sami had been almost as surprised as Mike when Marlena had spoken, but the desolation in her mother’s eyes had sparked memories of her own losses.  She knew that solitary hell only too well.  And even though she didn’t fully understand its origins, it didn’t matter any longer.  Nothing mattered when faced with something like this.

 

The tears splashed down her cheeks as she watched her mother’s pain.  Nobody was doing anything to help her.  It was as though they were all frozen to the spot, unmoving, like a bad sci-fi film.

 

And still, not one of them moved as she entered the room and walked up to Marlena’s bedside.

“Mom?” her voice was gentle, like the falling of spring rain.  Marlena didn’t seem to hear her, but after a moment, her sobbing quieted.  Sami pressed her lips together, trying to control her own emotions as she reached out to her mother.

 

Marlena felt the hand on her arm and instinctively, she knew the touch.  Opening her eyes, she lifted them to find herself looking at her daughter’s beautiful face.  She could say nothing for the moment, terrified that anything she might say would offend Sami.

 

Sami however could only see the pain and uncertainly in her mother’s eyes and it broke her heart.  Suddenly all those barriers shattered, like so much dust and they shared the same pain and the same love.

 

“Mom I’m *so* sorry,” she whispered.  Tears spilled from Marlena’s reddened eyes as her lips trembled.

“Me too baby.”  The tears came again, faster for both of them as Sami, flouting caution, welcomed her mother’s needed embrace.

 

Marlena felt the tears burning her eyes and the back of her throat, and she knew she had been wrong.  The pain and the misery would not disappear, but they could be soothed maybe a little.

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen Blake DiMera lay in her bed, trying to shake off the effects of the sedative that b*tch paramedic had given her.  The dose hadn’t been strong thanks to the pregnancy and the main effects had worn off as she lay here alone in this cubicle.  But the drowsiness would not seem to leave her.  And she could make no move but to lay here powerless and ignored.

 

After a cursory check over and an ultrasound to make sure the baby was all right, the doctors had hooked her up to a fetal heart monitor and they had left her lying alone and in the dark as far as John was concerned.  She couldn’t believe that she was even *lying* here.  This was supposed to be the happiest night of her life.  She and John should have been happily married right now, and on their way to Kristen’s carefully chosen honeymoon spot.

 

It was all *Doc’s* fault.  *God* how Kristen hated that bitch.  She hated her smugness and her ‘I know best’ attitude.  And worst of all, just because Kristen had John, *she* wanted him.  She had Eugene and Roman hanging around like flies but no, she wanted *John*.

 

Even in her dazed state, Kristen’s eyes narrowed, an ugly frown on her face.  And now John was God knows where, in God knows what state, he could even be dead for all she knew, and still she claimed him.  And it was Marlena’s own stepdaughter that had tried to kill him.  Well, Kristen would show her.  She didn’t care *what* she had to do.  Marlena Evans would not take John away from her.  Ever.

 

Kristen’s attention was diverted from her twisted vendetta by a shadow at the door.  Dr. Juliet Tuckey pushed open the door to the room and entered with a chart in her hand.

 

“Do you know how my fiancé is?” Kristen asked quickly.  Juliet looked at her with barely hidden distaste.  She liked Marlena Evans, she had coffee with her every now and then when it was quiet, and she had heard all about Kristen DiMera through the hospital grapevine.  And then after tonight…. well, the woman obviously had *no* self-respect.

 

“I believe they had problems contacting the next-of-kin to get permission for the surgery, but Mr. Black is in theater now.” Juliet sad curtly as she noted the readout on the monitor.  “I have no idea how long it will be before you know anything.”

 

“But *I’m* John’s next of kin,” Kristen blinked foggily, her mind trying to comprehend the woman’s words.  “We were about to get married when……when the…..” Kristen’s mind disjointedly searched for some sort of reasonable explanation, “accident happened.”

 

That’s not the way *I* heard it.  Juliet restrained herself and didn’t give voice to her thoughts, instead carrying on writing.

 

“Mr. Black’s legal next of kin is his brother Lawrence Alamain, until such time as he does marry…. *someone*,” she said coolly.

 

“But how could they find Lawrence?” Kristen asked confusedly.  “He doesn’t even live in America anymore.”

 

“I don’t know the details,” was all the redheaded doctor would say as she dropped her pen back into the pocket of her white lab coat and turned on her heel. “Please just get some rest Mrs. DiMera.” 

 

There was no opportunity for Kristen to ask anything else as Juliet shut the door solidly behind her.  The doctor rolled her eyes and made a mental note to commiserate with Marlena next time she saw her.

 

 

******

 

 

Roman had sat with Carrie until he was satisfied she was sleeping soundly.  Lexie had assured him that Carrie would not awake for some time and in the event that something happened she would find him immediately.  It was only then that Roman allowed himself to think about the rest of his family.

 

Looking at his watch, he discovered that it was getting close to midnight, and he yawned reflexively as he entered the waiting area.  He was slightly surprised to find his parents waiting there along with Bo and Hope.  Eugene was sitting by himself across the room looking about as exhausted as Roman felt.

 

“Roman,” Caroline pushed herself out of her chair as Roman came towards her.  “How’s Carrie?” 

 

 Roman shrugged.  “I don’t know Mom, Lexie had to sedate her.  She seemed to realize that Austin is dead, but I don’t know if that will hold when she wakes up again.”

 

“Do you have *any* idea what caused her to do such a terrible thing son?”  Shawn looked as desperate as Roman felt.

 

“No Pop,” he shook his head.  “I’m as much in the dark as all of you.”  He looked over at Eugene in an effort to waylay any more questions.  He couldn’t deal with them right now.  “Where’s Marlena?”

 

“She’s over in there, son,” Shawn pointed to one of the small patient rooms off the main Trauma Center.  “Sami’s with her.”

 

“Sami?” If Roman through he was through with being surprised tonight, he had been wrong.  Although he couldn’t say he was sorry at this one.  If anyone could help Marlena right now, it could well be her daughter.

“Aye,” Shawn nodded his head with a wry smile.  “Who would have thought?”

 

“We thought that maybe they could use some time alone,” Hope spoke quietly, her olive-green gown sweeping the ground as she swiveled around to look at the room.  “This is such a dreadful thing to happen, but maybe this way, some good can come of it.”  Bo saw that his wife was upset and moved to her side, where he put his arms around her.   She found a melancholy smile as she leaned back against his solidness.

 

“I think I might go and check on them.”  Roman knew there was really no reason to, except that he needed to.  Marlena had always been able to center him.  Everything could be falling apart, and she would be there, able to soothe away the horrors of the world he worked in.  Of course, that had been before everything had happened, when he had never considered the possibility that his biggest comfort could also be the cause of his biggest pain.

 

But even when things were so different, more than ever, they were the same and he knew that just seeing the woman he loved could bring him more peace than anything else.

 

He paused at the doorway and couldn’t suppress a smile.  Sami was lying next to her mother with her eyes closed, and Marlena’s arms around her.  Marlena rested her cheek against Sami’s forehead, and she had a sense of calm about her that Roman hadn’t seen since he had returned to Salem.  Maybe something good *was* coming of this dreadful situation.  He only hoped it lasted.  He wasn’t sure if Marlena could take any more rejection from the daughter she loved so much.

 

Roman leaned against the door frame for long moments and just watched them as he felt the stress ease slightly in his shoulders.

 

“Roman?”  He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to find Maggie Horton standing behind him.  She was holding a bag, which she handed to him.  “Roman we picked you up some clean clothes.”  She and Laura had detoured via Marlena’s apartment as well as the Brady pub and they had brought some clean clothes with them to the hospital.

 

Roman looked down at his blood-spattered clothes ruefully as he took the bag.

 

“Thanks Maggie,” Maggie could see the weariness in his eyes and she gave him an impulsive hug.  “I’m so sorry Roman.  I’m sure that everything will turn out all right.  You just have to have faith.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure it will.”  Roman dragged a smile from somewhere deep inside of himself but it was tempered with the image of the pale and lost Carrie lying in her hospital bed.  The way it was looking at the moment.  He wasn’t at all sure anything much at all was going to be okay.

 

“I brought some clothes for Marlena and Sami too.”  Maggie indicated another bag by her feet.  “But I don’t think now is the right time to disturb them.”  Roman shook his head.

 

“Doc needs to get all the rest she can.  She’s already been through quite an ordeal….” The remainder of Roman’s words were unspoken, but Maggie understood.  And she could well be facing more.  “She needs to get some rest while she can.”

 

“I think everyone could do with some rest,” Laura came up behind Maggie.  “Including you Roman.”  It was obvious to Laura that everyone here was stressed and exhausted, but Roman was even more so thanks to his obviously traumatic experiences of the past couple of years.

 

“Have you seen Carrie, Laura?” Roman ignored her inference.

“I stopped by her room.”  Laura nodded.  “I’m going to meet Dr. Welter there in a few minutes.  I promise that I’ll come and see you when we’re done there.”  She looked at him sternly.  “But only if you get changed and sit down for a while and try and get some rest.”

 

“Yes, doctor,” Roman smiled weakly and then turned to look at Sami and Marlena once again.  “I guess there’s not much I can do here right now anyway.”  He rubbed his forehead wearily as he contemplated the long night ahead of them all.  “I have a feeling that we better rest now because this night isn’t going to get a whole lot better.”

 

Maggie shook her head.  She only hoped that Roman’s words would not turn out to be too prophetic.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 90 – Tightrope

 

 

A strident beeping comes from somewhere in the corner.  But John cannot place it.  He searches for the noise, but it is dark and he cannot find it.  It is a moment later that he becomes aware that he cannot move.  In fact, he cannot do anything.  See, feel, taste; all is lost to him.  Only this unforgiving blackness and that damn beeping.

 

Well, that’s about all we can do for him.

 

The voice is unexpected, and John tries to reach it but it is distant and he cannot close any sense around it.  It is hard to even say it is *there* except that he knows it is.

 

Isn’t he the one that used to be married to Marlena Evans?  The one that was a priest?

 

Yeah.  Can you imagine letting *her* go?  The guy has to be nuts.

 

John wants to cry out.  I didn’t *want* to let her go.  I never *wanted* to let her go.  You don’t understand.  But the inky nothing renders him impotent as he ever was.

 

Well, I hope his God is listening now.  Because he’s probably this poor bastard’s only chance.

 

There is a strange sound, like the snap of a rubber glove and a soft, sad sigh.

 

I hope he has something to live for…..

 

John tries to reach out, but the voice is fading.  Even the beeping is smothered until finally, it winks out.  And then there is nothing.  Nothing but dull, silent, dark nothing.

 

Nothing.

 

 

******

 

 

Mike Horton rubbed at his bleary eyes as he walked down the deserted corridor.  Outside, the sky was beginning to lighten, the dawn staining the sky a vibrant sapphire blue.  If he had been able to hear them, he would have noticed the birds softly beginning to warble their morning song.

 

As it was, his mind was on one thing.  John Black.  It had been a long night, but they had finally brought John out of the OR, alive.  Barely.  And it was now Mike’s job to relay that news to John’s family and friends.

 

He had seen and noted Marlena’s reaction to the events of the previous evening, and it had more than confirmed his suspicions.  Marlena still loved John, the way she always had, and Mike had no doubt, the way she always would.  But for some reason, she had seen fit to keep that information from John, and now she was faced with the prospect that she might never be able to tell him the truth.

 

And still, matters were complicated by Kristen DiMera’s pregnancy, the truth of which Marlena had no idea.  And then there was Marlena’s own pregnancy, just now becoming obvious.  And Mike had no clue what the story was there.  He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.  He loved Marlena, she was a wonderful friend and he had been through some fairly profound experiences with her.  He just didn’t understand why she insisted on trying to be so strong and stoic.  He supposed that was just her way.  But life might be a little easier if she actually expressed her anguish and anger to those who hurt her.  It might at least have saved some misunderstanding and pain in the past few years.

 

Mike sighed.  It seemed that whatever the Salemites did, fate conspired to entrap them in the web that kept them forever miscommunicating and unable to be happy.  And it only seemed to be a harrowing event like this that gave them the impetus to actually work things out.  Mike knew that he was just as bad as everyone else.  Maybe this should give him the momentum to work out what he really wanted too.

 

He rounded the corner and stopped as he surveyed the waiting room.  Most of the Brady family was there.  Bo was still pacing the room, oddly akin to a large cat caught in a cage, while Hope was lying down across the seats of several chairs, sleeping uneasily.  Shawn and Caroline were caught in a slumberous embrace, with their arms around each other, but their faces betrayed their tension, even in sleep.  Eric sat on the floor by Carrie’s room, his head in his hands.  Roman was nearby, his uncomfortable tuxedo replaced by the requisite pair of jeans and shirt.

 

Mike turned at a noise and saw a weary looking Eugene emerge from Marlena’s room.

 

“Dr. Horton,” he sounded resigned.  “Marlena’s awake if you need to see her.”

 

“How is she doing?” Mike spoke quietly so as not to disturb the rest of the family, but it immediately seemed pointless as they all began to stir.

 

“She’s holding up,” Q shrugged his shoulders.  He was concerned at Marlena’s pale apathy but given the situation he supposed it could probably be worse.  Unfortunately, there was the possibility it could get much worse.  Depending on what Mike Horton had to tell them.  “More importantly, how’s John?”

 

Mike looked at him speculatively.  He still didn’t know what had gone on between Marlena and Eugene Bradford.  He had heard the whispers and he had even seen them leave the hospital together several times.  Whatever the truth, the man certainly cared about Marlena.  And he seemed genuinely concerned about John’s fate right now.  Whether that was for Marlena’s sake, Mike supposed it didn’t really matter.

 

“That’s what I’ve come to talk to Marlena about,” Mike turned to the doorway, not oblivious to the fact that Roman had stood and was headed towards him, Bo not far behind.  He said nothing more but brushed past Eugene and entered Marlena’s room.

 

“Mike?”  Marlena was calm, but there was an undercurrent of tension in her voice.  She had woken to find that Sami standing by the window in reflective solitude and given their recent history, she was frightened that Sami had once again withdrawn from her, reverting to the cold, hard young woman that she had become.  Marlena knew that they desperately needed to talk, but she also knew she wasn’t capable of it now.  It was all she could do at this point to stay focused on simply staying together.  She only hoped that Sami could understand that when the time came that they could talk.

 

“Marlena, how are you feeling?” Mike’s voice was gentle, like the hush of an autumn breeze. 

 

“All right,” Marlena nodded cursorily.  She wasn’t particularly interested in discussing herself right now.  “Mike…..” she steeled herself to ask the question.  The question to which she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to know the answer.  For while there was no answer, there was still hope.  But it had to be asked.  She had to know.  “How is he?”

 

Mike neared the edge of the bed, aware that by now most of the Brady family either had followed him into the room or were gathered around the doorway.

 

“He’s out of surgery,” Mike said quietly, not showing any emotion.  “And he’s hanging in there.  For now.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean Mike?” Bo was edgy, a combination of shock and lack of sleep.

 

“It means,” Mike sighed, “that John suffered a severe trauma.  The surgery was long, and John sustained a lot of damage and lost a lot of blood at the restaurant.  Those factors combined, mean that his body has been and still is under a great strain.”  God, he hated this.  Of all the things he had to do as a doctor, breaking bad news to his friends had to be the worst.  He turned to Marlena whose face had paled even more, if that was possible.   “The surgeons have repaired what damage they can, but John’s condition is still critical.  It’s just too early to predict what might happen.”

 

“So, John might still die?” Sami’s shaky voice came from the corner of the room.  Mike looked up at her.

“I’m afraid so Sami.  We’ve done everything we can now.  The rest is up to John.”

 

“Thank you, Mike,” Marlena’s voice was oddly stiff and she seemed uninterested in discussing the matter any further.

 

“Marlena, I’d really like to check you over,” Mike began.

“I’m fine,” she said curtly.  She really couldn’t deal with everyone’s curious sympathy right now.  She only wanted to be alone.  “I’m sure there are more important things you should be doing.”

 

“You’re the most important thing on my mind right now,” Mike said softly.  “You and that baby of yours.”

 

Marlena’s lips thinned and she shook her head as she tried to keep a reign on her temper.  She was tired and upset and she only wanted them all to just go away.  Sami looked at her mother and saw her distress, almost shocked that she was able to recognize it for what it really was.  Taking matters into her own hands, she came to the bed.

“Mike, can you do it later please?”  She looked at the gathered family, “I really think Mom could use some rest.”

 

Roman looked at his daughter with a measure of surprise and then looked at Marlena.  Sami was right and she had read the signs before he had.  Marlena was barely holding herself together.  And the last thing she needed was everyone in her room telling her how worried they were about her.

 

“Sami’s right.”  He nodded his head.  “I think we should let Marlena try and get some more sleep.”

 

Mike turned from Roman back to Marlena in concern.  She had turned her head from him and was looking out of the window.

 

“She’ll be all right, Mike,” Sami told him.  “We’ll call you if she needs you.”

 

“Okay,” he conceded with a nod.  “I’ll be back as soon as I hear anything more.”

 

He turned and left the room, the remaining Brady’s filtering out after him until only Sami was left.  Marlena was unmoving, but silent tears lingered on her cheeks before sliding off her jaw.  Sami ached as she watched her.  She wished there was something she could do, but she knew there wasn’t.

 

“Mom,” she whispered, “I’ll be just outside if you need me.”  She wiped away a tear of her own and silently left the room.

 

 

******

 

 

“Dead,” the deep Italian baritone filled the room, clearly irritated.  “He was supposed to be *dead*.”

 

“There’s still time.”  The second voice was also European, but accented with an American inflection.  “It’s unfortunate that the husband got involved.”

 

“Pah!  He was expendable.”  Stefano DiMera picked up his snifter and poured the expensive brandy down his throat.  It was fiery as it seeped down, warming his insides and he sighed expansively.  The failure of their plan was irritating, and it would mean that the initiation of his further schemes would now have to be delayed.  But still, it would serve in setting the Brady’s into disarray and that was somewhat satisfying.

 

“That second bullet would have finished John Black off,” the other man’s irritation was showing through.  “I’m *tired* of waiting for him to die.”

 

“Do not worry my friend.”  The ‘r’s’ rolled round in Stefano’s mouth as smoothly as the brandy had a moment earlier.  “John Black will die soon enough.

 

“Not soon enough for me.”  He loosened his tie and threw back his own brandy. There was silence for a moment and then his voice became reflective.  “But, if he does not die now, then when he does, he will know who, and *why*.”  A cruel smile slid easily on to his lips.  “And this time it will hurt him.  As much as he has hurt me.”

 

“Yesss,” Stefano was thoughtful.  Maybe it was not enough for John to know that Stefano had used a Brady to end his life.  Even one that he had played father to for so many years.

 

Stefano leaned back in his chair and bared his teeth in a chilling smile.  But the smile never reached his black, soulless eyes as he began to plot anew.  

 

 

******

 

 

Dr. Romy Welter turned to Laura Horton as soon as they had left Carrie’s room.

 

“I don’t like it,” she shook her head.  “That girl is on the verge of a complete breakdown.”  Laura shook her head.  It seemed as if one moment Carrie understood that Austin was dead and then the next, she was in total denial again.  It wasn’t even as if she had any memory of what had happened, although it was admittedly difficult to tell among her rambling.  Carrie was drifting in and out of lucidity and Laura had to agree with Romy’s prognosis, the young woman could definitely be on the brink of a major psychological collapse.

 

“I’m afraid that’s exactly what she’s headed for,” Laura recognized the signs too well.  “I just don’t know at this point what our best option is.”

 

“Well, I do know that the police are not questioning her.  Not until she’s a lot stronger,” Romy stated unequivocally.   “A strain like that could be all it takes.”

 

“I agree,” Laura nodded.  “We need to keep her under observation while we run some more tests.  Then we can assess our options.  I think only then will we have any idea when they’ll be able to talk to her.”

 

“You know Abe isn’t going to like that,” Lexie walked up behind the two women.  “The longer it takes for them to get some sort of information out of Carrie, the further away any kind of resolution to this case is.  If there is someone else behind this, they’ll be long gone if the police have to wait to talk to Carrie.”

 

“If they don’t wait, they may well never be able to get anything useful out of her,” Laura said a little harshly.  “Lexie, if she’s forced to confront the truth about what happened last night, it may break her.  We just can’t risk that.”

 

“All right,” Lexie nodded, convinced.  She was right, Abe wasn’t going to like it, and neither was Roman, but they had to do what was best for Carrie.  She just hoped that in the long-term it *was* the best thing.

 

“Laura?”  Roman leaned on his cane as he watched the three women, “how’s Carrie doing?”  Laura turned to Roman sympathetically.  He looked tired; the lack of sleep badly hidden on his wan face.

 

“Honestly Roman?” she raised her eyebrows.  When he nodded she spoke again.  “She’s not good.  She’s not coherent, she’s not particularly lucid.  I don’t want anyone trying to force her to accept the truth of what happened last night.  If she comes to remember herself then there’s nothing we can do.  But at this point she needs to remain calm.”

 

“But she can’t be arrested?” that was Roman’s main concern at this point.  Anything else was secondary.

 

“Most definitely *not*,” Romy shook her head.  “That would be a disaster.  Right now, she’s not to even be *questioned* by the police.  Once we run some more tests and do some more assessments, we’ll have a better idea how to handle this.”

 

“Okay,” Roman nodded slowly.  “Can I go and see her?”

 

“Of course you can,” Laura nodded.  “Just be sure to be gentle.”  Roman nodded, too tired to reply.  He just pushed past the women and went into Carrie’s room.

 

 

******

 

 

Sami glared silently at Eugene as he paced in front of Marlena’s room, every so often, checking on her through the window.  She might finally be on the path to being able to forgive her mother, but this man had come into their lives and messed *everything* up.  She didn’t like him, she didn’t trust him and she *hated* the fact that Marlena was having his baby. 

 

“I’m sure she’ll *call* you if she wants you,” she said snidely as he paced in front of her again.  Eugene turned to look at her.

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“I said you needn’t fret so much over my mother.  I am sure if she *needs* someone, she’ll let us know.”

 

Q raised his eyebrows, surprised at the hostility from Marlena’s daughter.  He supposed it was better that she was rude to him and not Marlena though.

 

“I’m worried about your mother because I care about her.” He said matter-of-factly.  “I’m sorry if that bothers you.”

 

“It doesn’t bother *me*,” Sami retorted defensively.  “It might bother Mom though.  She *hates* being smothered.”

 

“Well, why don’t you let your mother worry about that.”  Q replied shortly as he watched Marlena through the window.  He could hardly bear to watch her and yet he couldn’t leave in case she might need him.  She had her arms wrapped tightly around herself and as he watched her, she turned over.  She looked straight at him with reddened eyes and her lips formed his name, although it was silenced by the glass between them.

 

He needed no further encouragement and disregarding Sami; he pushed the door of her room open and went to her.

 

“What is it sweetheart?” he asked tenderly.

 

“Have you heard anything?” she asked in a weak voice.

 

“About John?” he shook his head, “No.”

 

“Why won’t they *tell* us anything?” her voice raised a notch in her distress.  She couldn’t bear this, this lack of control, this feeling like her world was falling apart.  This thought that she might never see John again.

 

“They will, as soon as there’s something to tell, Marlena,” Gene tried to be positive.

 

“I can’t bear this waiting Gene, I….” She shook her head, crying again, “I can feel him slipping away from me.  What am I going to do if I lose him?”

 

“You can’t think like that,” he shook his head as he took her hand in his.  “You saw the way he looked at you last night.  He loves you more than ever.  He’s got *so* much to live for.  He’s not going to give up now.”

 

“But he doesn’t know how *I* feel about *him*,” she brushed her cheeks with the back of her fingers, but the tears were immediately replaced by more.  “He doesn’t know about the baby.”

 

“I think you underestimate him,” Q nodded, “I think he does know how you feel.  He has the baby that Kristen is carrying.  And maybe, somewhere deep down, he suspects the truth about your baby.”

 

Marlena looked up at him, her anguished hazel eyes searching his face for some shred of real hope.

 

“Why did I leave it so late?” she asked him miserably before turning back to the window.

 

“Because you’ve had a very rough time,” he reminded her gently.  “And he didn’t make it easy for you.”

 

“I love him so much,” she said quietly.  “I don’t know what I’ll do if…..” she looked at Q finding comfort in his familiar, loved face.  “Gene, would you please hold me?”

 

“Of course I will.”  He folded his arms around her, and she melted against his chest.  “You won’t have to do anything without him,” he whispered into her hair. “John will be just fine.  You wait and see.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Daddy?” Carrie was sitting up in bed, looking confused.

 

“Yes honey?” he tried to remain relaxed as he moved to her bedside.  “What is it?”

 

“Daddy?” she swallowed, her eyes large and reddened from stress and broken sleep, “is Austin coming?” 

 

Roman started a little.  He hadn’t expected that, although he didn’t know why not.

 

“No sweetheart,” he said softly.  “Austin won’t be coming.”

 

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” her voice was that of a little girl’s and her face conveyed her fright and her vulnerability and it broke Roman’s heart.  Why the hell did she have to go through this?  Hadn’t she been through enough?  Hadn’t they all been through enough?

 

“Yes pumpkin, he’s dead,” Roman’s voice was gentle, but it didn’t take away the horror of the words and Carrie gasped.  “I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

 

“Sami,” Carrie’s eyes searched the room wildly, “it was Sami, Daddy.  She shot him.  She *shot* Austin.”  Her voice became ragged with the memory, and she began to pant, frightened tears in her eyes.

 

“No baby,” Roman shook his head vehemently, “it wasn’t Sami.  It wasn’t Sami who shot him.”

 

“But I was there,” she was shaking, “I saw it.  I saw her.  The gun…..”  In her mind, Carrie could see the cold, shiny metal of the gun as it bounced on the hard floor and she became even more agitated.

 

“Carrie,” Roman took both of her hands firmly in his, “It wasn’t Sami who shot Austin.”

 

“Well then *who* was it?” she demanded irritably.  Mindful of Laura and Dr. Welter’s admonitions Roman was careful with his words.

 

“It’s not important who it was, Carrie.”

 

“Of *course* it’s important,” Carrie shook her head maniacally.  “She killed my *husband*.  She’s a murderer.”

 

“Carrie, I need you to think back for me,” Roman wanted to get her mind off last night and he also desperately needed some answers to some crucial questions.  “Sweetheart, it’s important that you try and remember.”

 She looked at him in confusion, thrown by the change in subject.  “When you went away last month, where did you go?  Can you remember where you went?”

 

“Went away?” her brow was furrowed as she repeated his words.

 

“You went away Carrie, to have some time alone and give Austin some space to think about things.”  He tried to jog her memory.  Carrie looked down at the bedclothes, her eyes searching the fabric as though for answers.  It rang a bell.  She had been going to go away.  There…. had she called a cab? 

 

“I….” She bit on her lower lip and looked up at her father, looking like a lost child.  “I don’t know Daddy.  I don’t remember.”  She shook her head forlornly, tears welling once again.   “I don’t remember anything.”

 

 

******

 

 

Eugene was just rearranging Marlena’s pillows when Mike came back into her room.  Much of the day had passed and he had been unable to get back and check on her.  But he was just about to go off-duty and turn in for some much-needed sleep and he wanted to see her before he went.

 

“Mike?” Marlena was immediately alert and seemingly stronger than she had been this morning.

 

“There’s been no change, Marlena,” he pre-empted her question but he was weary and unable to put much of a positive spin on John’s condition.  “He’s still critical, but they’re keeping him stable.  There’s nothing we can do now but wait.”

 

Marlena nodded, clearly unsettled by his words, but able to deal with them better than she had earlier.

 

“How are you doing?” he asked her as he reached to her wrist to take her pulse.

 

“I’m okay,” she nodded her head, her voice stronger than before.

 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Roman said from the doorway.  He gave her a tight smile and she immediately knew that he was unhappy about something.

 

“How’s Carrie?” she suddenly remembered that Sami had said something earlier about Carrie.

 

“Not too good, Doc,” Roman shook his head and limped to the foot of her bed.  “She’s having trouble accepting that Austin is dead, and she has no *idea* that she was the one that pulled the trigger.”

 

Marlena stiffened as she saw again the image of Carrie, her eyes glinting cold and unforgiving, holding the gun trained on John.  Roman carried on, oblivious to her reaction but Gene sensed it and moved closer to her.  “Laura is worried that she may be on the verge of a total breakdown.”

 

“Oh, Roman,” Marlena tried to put aside her own reflexive antipathy at the thought of Carrie’s actions.  It wouldn’t help any of them to know that she felt that way.  She had barely thought about the reasons behind Carrie’s actions until now, but she realized that there had to be something or someone behind them.  The Carrie that they knew loved John and would never do something so horrendous.  She hoped. 

 

She was just about to ask Roman if they had any leads on what was behind the shooting when suddenly an alarm sounded from down the hall.  Mike turned as he heard the voice on the loudspeaker announce that there was a code blue in ICU 7.  Marlena’s heart began to thump with uncontrollable fear when she saw the alarm in Mike’s eyes.

 

“Oh my God,” she uttered breathlessly.  “It’s John, isn’t it?”

 

Mike didn’t answer, but his silence was enough, and Marlena tore the covers off the bed.  No one tried to stop her, Gene and Roman only followed as she joined Mike in his race down the corridor towards the pandemonium that surrounded ICQ 7. 

 

As they reached the room, the monitor attached to John sputtered to an ominous flat line, the monotone wrapping around Marlena and filling her with dread.

 

Moaning unintelligibly, she collapsed into Gene’s arms.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 91 – This Side of Paradise

 

 

It was pandemonium as a crash cart was rushed into John’s room and the numbers of doctors and nurses swelled as they worked furiously on their patient.  Marlena, already emotionally drained from the events of the night before and the subsequent waiting, sagged against Gene and he helped her to one of the chairs against the wall.  She never peeled her eyes from John’s room as he sat her down in the seat and put his arm around her.  Taking her small, cold hand in his, he squeezed it.  She shivered but still, her eyes were fixed on where they were working on John, trying to restart his heart, trying to bring him back to the family that loved him.

 

Roman made his way to where Sami was standing against the wall, also staring at the unabating motion that surrounded John. 

 

“Peanut?” he asked gently, trying to gauge her feelings toward him.  She said nothing, just continued to stare at John’s prone body.  “Sami,” Roman tried again, “Sami, would you please talk to me?”

 

“And what would you have me say Daddy?” she asked bitterly, still refusing to look at him.  “I mean I don’t know why you want *me* to talk.  After all, you haven’t been too eager to talk to me for the last oh, how many years has it been now?”  She crossed her arms in front of her, hiding her clenched fists and the nails that dug into her palms, focusing her on staying in control.

 

“Sami, I think you know that wasn’t entirely my fault,” Roman leaned against the wall next to her and stared at ICU 7 along with the rest of his family.

 

“No-one forced you to leave, did they?” her voice was low, as though her teeth were gritted.

 

“No,” Roman shook his head.  What more could he say?

 

“And when you *did* come back, you didn’t have any time for me either.”

 

“Your mother needed me Sami, she’s been going through a very tough time.”  Roman could feel the pain of rejection in her voice, the abandonment she felt and her own rejection of him.  And it hurt him more than he expected.  He guessed this was how Marlena and John must have felt for all those years, the hostility and anger seemingly inflexible, as Sami withheld her forgiveness.

 

“What about all the times that she needed you when you *weren’t* here?” Sami asked angrily.  “What about all the times that Carrie needed you, that *I* needed you?  Where were you then?”  When Roman said nothing, Sami turned to him, her eyes vividly indigo.  “That man in there,” she pointed at John’s room, “has always been there for me, even though I pushed him away time and time again.  He has been a father to me, he has loved me when most people would have walked away.” Her eyes were filling with stinging tears, and she cursed herself for her own weakness.  “I *worshipped* you.  I would have done *anything* for you.  But it wasn’t good enough for you, was it?  You still didn’t love us enough to *stay*.”

 

Roman shook his head, not knowing what to say to his anguished daughter.  She was right of course, and there was no excuse.  But nothing could ever make up for what she had lost, the innocence, the love, and the time.  There were no magic words that he could utter that would bring that back for her, just as there were none for Carrie.

 

The tears spilled from Sami’s eyes, and she shook her head desolately before she turned and ran back down the corridor.  Roman looked after her miserably.

 

“Give her some time dear,” his mother’s soft voice sounded beside him.  “She’s got to express her anger at you before she can begin to deal with it.”

 

“But I’ve hurt her so much,” Roman said in a whisper.  “She’s right, I should have been here for them.  For all of you.”

 

“Well, tell *her* that Roman,” Caroline suggested.  “I think she needs to hear it.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Dammit John!”  Mike ran his finger through his shortly cropped blonde hair.  “Don’t do this.  Don’t give up *now*.  Your family needs you.  *Marlena* needs you.”  A pretty blonde nurse pushed past him and injected the prescribed dose into John’s IV.

 

And still the monotonous squeal from the monitor above John’s bed droned out its steady tone.

 

 

******

 

John.

 

The gentle voice is familiar, but John cannot place it.  Slowly, he opens his eyes.  It is still an encroaching blackness that surrounds him.

 

Where are you? he calls bewilderedly.  He turns around again and then there is a light.  Faint at first, it begins to grow, the beauty and purity of it almost blinding him.

 

Here.

 

 

******

 

 

One clamped fist pressed against Marlena’s mouth; her brow furrowed into deep grooves as she watched intently the action behind the plate of glass.  It was almost as though she was willing him to survive.  Which in truth, she was.  

 

It wasn’t a logical thought, it was one borne of sheer desperation, and a deep emotional bond that they still shared.  It was as if by the sheer force of her will, Marlena felt she could somehow reach John, make him understand that she needed him, that their children needed him.  She would fight, she would do anything to bring John back, the same way he once had for her.

 

It helped, to feel as though she was doing something that John might recognize.  And it helped her to push aside the terrifying thought that this could well be John’s final battle, that she could lose him at any moment.  The thought of never seeing him again, never hearing his voice, never feeling his arms around her and his breath on her face was as frightening now as it had been the night she had gone to him on the plane, all those years ago.  However much she had tried to convince herself otherwise, she still loved him desperately.  She could never stop loving him.  He was her other half, her soulmate, and she could *not* let him die without knowing how much she loved him.

 

Shrugging away Gene’s arm, she pushed herself from the chair and walked to the window, as if in a trance.  Reaching it, she gently touched the tips of her fingers to the glass and watched John’s face. 

 

John, hear me. You have to hear me.  *Please* don’t leave me now.  I can’t do this without you.  I love you so much, I can’t even imagine my life without you.  I don’t *want* to imagine my life without you.  John, I need you.  Our *babies* need you.  Please, you have to *fight*, the way you made me fight.

 

 

******

 

 

Gabe.  John stares at him, unable to comprehend the angel’s appearance.  Gabe, what’s happening?  Why are you here?  Where is this place?

 

John, it is time for you to make a choice.  Gabe steps forward, his soft, lilting voice wrapping around John, bringing him peace and calm.

 

Choice?

 

The most important choice you will ever make. Gabe places his hand benevolently on John’s shoulder and John feels a profound joy and love flow through him.  He has known such a feeling but twice before in his life and this time he wants with all his being to take a hold of it and never let it go.  He is waiting for you John.  Gabe smiles with a kindness and serenity that John has never seen in a mortal face.  It is your choice.

 

 

******

 

 

A single, heartbroken tear tumbled down her cheek as Marlena watched Mike prepare to shock John into life.

 

Inside the room, a tear slipped from underneath John’s closed eyelid and rolled, unnoticed, off his cheek, disappearing invisibly on the stark white pillow below him.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena felt her pulse leap as Mike made his way out of the room, his weary face telling no tale but that he had suffered a long and trying day.  She bit her lip as he made his way toward her, trying not to let her feelings show.

 

“He’s still with us,” Mike nodded exhaustedly, unable to lie to her.  “We managed to drag him back, but Marlena, he’s so weak.  I’m not sure if he could withstand another resuscitation.”

 

Marlena felt her relief immediately swallowed up with apprehension.

 

“Do you think this might happen again?” she asked in a wavering voice.

 

“I really don’t know,” Mike looked grim.  “It’s pretty much up to John now.  If he *really* wants to pull through, he will.”

 

He looked at Marlena’s pale face and slid his arm around her shoulder.

 

“C’mon, I think we should get you back to your room.  You need your rest too.”

 

“No,” Marlena shook her head, turning to look at John again through the glass.  A nurse was busying herself writing on a chart next to his bedside, but John himself was deathly still.  “He needs me, Mike.  I have to stay near him.”  She looked at her friend with pleading eyes.  “Can I sit with him for a while?  Please?”

 

“Over my dead body.”  The grating voice came from behind her, and Marlena felt her heart sink.  In the panic and trepidation over John’s condition, she had almost forgotten Kristen.  Almost.  Gritting her teeth, she steeled herself to deal with the hated DiMera.

 

“If anyone is sitting with John, it will be *me*,” Kristen clutched at her ungainly belly as Marlena slowly turned around.  “After all, I *am* having his baby and he *is* my fiancée.  And you,” she sneered at Marlena, “you’re nothing more than a has-been; a pit-stop along the way.”

 

“Is that so?” Marlena answered in a dangerously low voice. 

 

“You *know* it is,” Kristen was unnerved by the way Marlena was looking at her from under heavy eyelids but she ploughed on regardless.  “You may have gotten your claws back into him momentarily.  He had a weak moment.  But he came back to *me*.”  She laughed triumphantly.  “It’s *me* that’s having his baby.  It’s me that he loves.  It’s me that he’s going to marry.”

 

“It didn’t look that way last night,” Marlena raised her eyebrows, her voice quiet and even.  “In fact, it didn’t look like he could get away from you fast enough.  You can delude yourself into thinking what you want Kristen.  The truth is, John *doesn’t* love you.  And you know that as well as I do.  If he’s with you it’s because he feels a responsibility for that child.”  It was Marlena’s turn to laugh, but her laugh was devoid of the tinge of insanity that colored Kristen’s.  Instead, it was shallow and bitter.  “Of course you knew that he would do when you got pregnant.  That was your intention all along.  You knew it was the only way you could *ever* hold onto him, because you knew the way he *really* felt.” Marlena folded her arms across her own belly, as though to protect the child that she carried within from the corruption that had claimed Kristen.  Bringing one hand up in front of her, she pointed at Kristen with a slightly bent index finger.  “You knew then that he still loved me.  And you know it now.”

 

Marlena smiled vengefully.  It felt good to give vent to all the anger and betrayal she had felt for Kristen for all these months.  “And that’s the thing that you can’t bear most of all.  That even when you have him, even when you’re making love to him, it’s *me* he loves and it’s *me* he’s thinking of.”

 

“You *bitch*!  It’s not *true* you lying *bitch*!” Kristen lunged at Marlena, shrieking madly, but Marlena calmly stepped back out of her reach while she was restrained by Mike and Roman.

“Calm down Kristen, this isn’t helping John at all,” Mike entreated her firmly.  He didn’t really want to have to heavily sedate her again if he could help it.  To his surprise, she actually did quieten after a moment, wrenching her arm from Roman’s grip as she glared at Marlena.

 

“I want to see John,” she demanded venomously.

 

“I’m afraid that’s not possible Kristen,” Mike told her with absolute certainty.  “He can’t have any visitors until he is much stronger.”

 

“Not any?” she glowered at Marlena mutinously.  Marlena said nothing, just stared back at her with equal hatred as Roman moved to stand behind her.

 

“Not any.”  Mike beckoned to a nurse.  “John needs complete quiet right now.”

 

“Well *I* want to be the first one to see him,” Kristen demanded, her lips pursed petulantly.  “I don’t want *her* near him.”  She turned to Mike, “You hear me, Mike?”

 

“Sure Kristen,” Mike nodded reassuringly, praying that Marlena knew him well enough not to argue.  “You’ll be the first, as soon as I think he is up to you visiting.  You have my word.” 

 

The nurse was at his side and he motioned to Kristen.

 

“Chelly, can you take Ms. DiMera back to her room please?”

 

“Sure,” Chelly nodded, and Kristen shot a final victorious glance in Marlena’s direction before she let the nurse lead her away.  When she was out of earshot, Mike turned to Marlena.

 

“I want you to go back to your room,” he said quietly.

 

“But Mike,” she began contentiously.

 

“Don’t argue with me,” he raised his eyebrows in warning.  “Just please go back to your room.  I’m going to go by Kristen’s room and give her a mild sedative to calm her down.  I do *not* want another one of these scenes.  Especially outside John’s room.”  He looked back at John momentarily and then turned back to Marlena.  Her expression was a little reproachful and he softened slightly with a hint of a smile.  “I wasn’t blaming you,” he took her hand in his, “I’ll come and see you as soon as I have been to see Kristen.  We’ll talk then.”

 

Marlena nodded, relaxing slightly before she turned back to look at John.  He looked so peaceful lying there.

 

Hang on baby, I’ll be back as soon as I’m able. 

 

I love you, John.

 

 

******

 

 

Gabe!  John looks around into the blinding blackness.  It is smothering, the blank nothingness and he feels for a moment that he cannot breathe.  Gabe, where are you?  Where did you go?!  He feels like crying.  He has never felt more alone.

 

John, Gabe’s hushed voice floats from the void and John searches for sight of his guide almost desperately. 

 

Gabe, don’t leave me.  I don’t know what to do.

 

You know what to do.

 

*No* I don’t!  John is agitated.  He wants Gabe to come back.  He wants that that feeling of peace and that incredible joy again.   I don’t understand what is happening.  Why did you go?

 

You began to make your decision. Gabe replies with certainty, and suddenly John begins to see his outline, glimmering in the darkness.  Something was calling you back.  But you changed your mind, John.  Why did you change your mind?

 

 

******

 

 

“Marlena,” Mike ambled wearily into Marlena’s room, “Kristen is asleep, and she will be for a while.  And I really shouldn’t be doing this, but if you promise faithfully to rest afterward, I’ll arrange for you to sit with John for half an hour.  But no more,” he warned before she could argue.

 

“Oh Mike,” she was deeply touched that he would go to these lengths for her and for John and she appreciated it more than she could express.  “Thank you so much.”

 

“If you want to thank me, find some way of getting through to John,” he petitioned her.  “If he will hear anyone, it’ll be you.” He looked into Marlena’s shimmering hazel eyes and found exactly what he had hoped would be there.  “He loves you so much.  Give him a reason to hold on, to fight for you and what you two stand for.”

 

“I will,” Marlena wiped a tear from her cheek and nodded emphatically. “I can promise you that with *all* my heart.”

 

“Good.”  Mike held out his arm to help her off the bed.  “Let’s go.”

 

 

******

 

 

Gabe, I don’t understand, John feels the tears of frustration burning on his cheeks.  He feels as though he is going in circles and never getting anywhere.  What decision?  What is this decision you keep talking about?

 

Deep down you do know John, Gabe tells him kindly as he steps toward him, you just don’t want to have to make this choice.  It is an irrevocable choice John, one that you cannot change once it is made.  He places his hand once again on John’s shoulder and John closes his eyes.  You must decide whether it is that you go back to your family and friends on earth, or you join your family in God’s realm.  *That* is the decision you must make John.  And you must make it now.

 

 

******

 

 

“John?”  Marlena settled back in the chair that Mike had brought to John’s bedside, and she took John’s hand in hers, gently avoiding disturbing the many tubes that surrounded him.  He was ashen, almost as white as the sheets he lay on, but he might have looked peaceful, had it not been for the monitors and the tubes and wires that stretched from them to the patient they assiduously guarded. 

 

The large bandage covered his shoulder and half of his chest and Marlena could already see the dark shadow of blood that had seeped into the snowy gauze.   Reaching out with her free hand, she gently brushed the stray hair from his forehead with graceful fingers.  Feeling an odd kind of peace herself, she spoke in a hushed voice.  “John, it’s me.  It’s Marlena.”

 

She remembered a time she had said those same words to him, so many years ago.  Holding his cold, lifeless hand in hers, she remembered how the fog had swirled around them, blanketing them in its cold, moist embrace.  She could almost feel his tears against her face and the roughness of his hands where they touched her, and she could even remember the shock and amazement in his voice as he realized it really was her.

 

And then, a few years later, they had met up on that same pier, to admit something they had been denying ever since that first reunion. 

 

They still loved each other. 

 

It had led to such agony for them both.  But it had also led to such a rare joy in their precious Belle baby, and now this new baby that Marlena bore within her.

 

“John, you have to wake up,” she told him in a voice that was barely more than a whisper.  “You have to let me tell you how I feel….”  She pressed her lips together and clasped John’s limp hand tightly in between her own.  “John, there’s so much I have to tell you.  I don’t know where to start or whether you can even hear any of it, but I have to tell you.  This might be my only chance.”  A tear trickled from the corner of her eye, but she barely noticed it.

 

“Baby, we have been through so much you and I.  But I want you to know, I don’t regret any of it.  Except,” she squeezed his hand, “maybe I regret all the time we have wasted.  All the time we should have been honest about our feelings, and we should have been loving each other.”  She shook her head with a melancholy smile.  “But that’s the past, my darling.  I’m so sorry for all the mistakes we made.  I wish we could go back and fix them, but we can’t.”  She looked at him with sad, pleading eyes.  “John, you have to come back to me.  Please you have to *fight* to make it through this.  I can’t bear the thought of being without you.”

 

Marlena was silent for a moment but there was no movement from John, not even the slightest twitch to tell her he had heard her. 

 

******

 

 

You’re asking me to choose?…..  John is utterly astonished.   You mean I’m dead?

 

Not quite. Gabe shakes his head. 

 

But how did I get here?  What happened?  John can remember nothing from the previous day, and he is having a hard time comprehending the magnitude of the decision Gabe is asking him to undertake.

 

It’s not important John.  Gabe shakes his head once again.  His face is serious as he stands in front of his charge.  He knows this is the test to end all tests and he does not want John to fail.  But he knows the qualifications, and this is something John has to work out for himself.  Gabe cannot hand him the answer on a platter.  You know what your life on earth has to offer you.  Now let me show you something of what awaits you.

 

He turns around and waves his hand in front of him.  John’s jaw drops and he gapes openly as the blackness gives way to a beautiful grassy field.  But it is like nothing he has ever seen before, as it shimmers and sparkles, a shining, rippling, manifest bliss before his eyes.  Gabe turns back to John and spreads his hands, motioning for John to walk into paradise.

 

John takes a tentative step and finds himself standing on fragrant grass. He grins delightedly.  All around him are flowers, he is surrounded by every hue imaginable, and yet some even unimaginable.  The sense of love and peace are almost overwhelming, and he looks at Gabe wide-eyed.

 

This is heaven?

 

If you want it to be, Gabe nods his head graciously.  It is up to you John.  This is but the gateway.

 

John turns again and gazes out at the gloriously blinding beauty around him.  It is so wonderful, surely it is all he could ever want…..

 

But……there is something else.  Something he is missing…..

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena hadn’t imagined she would feel so helpless, just sitting here, watching John struggle for his life.  Every breath he took was an agony for her, every bleep of the heart monitor bringing her a kind of stressful relief.

 

“Honey,” she spoke again, her voice softly coaxing, “John please, if you can, let me know that you can hear me.”

 

John remained deathly still in his repose.

 

“John, I need you to know how I feel.  I need you to wake up so I can tell you.”  She felt more frightened than she would have admitted, but her dread was evident in her voice.  Still there was nothing from John.  Nothing but quiet, labored breaths and the steady, ceaseless beeping.  Bringing his hand up to her face, she tenderly touched his palm to her cheek, and she held it there, the way he would have, had he been awake.

 

“John, I love you,” she whispered miserably.  She waited, desperately willing him to give her some kind of answer.  But she was unrewarded.

 

“Baby I know I said it was over between us, but I lied.”  Marlena’s tears began to fall, splashing onto John’s skin before they tumbled onto the bedclothes.  “I thought I could forget you, forget how I felt about you. I was hurting so badly, and I wanted to hurt you too.  It’s petty I know but….. John, I was *wrong*.  We were meant to be together.  I know that now.  I don’t want to live my life without you in it.”

 

She sniffed as she tried to wipe her face and John’s hand and she laughed tightly for a moment before a fresh bout of tears overcame her.

 

“Gosh. What a terrible mess I’ve made of this all.” She shook her head.  “I… I don’t know what the point is if you’re not going to be there to share my life John.  To share in the birth of this beautiful baby we have created.”  She paused, suddenly surprised.  “She’s *yours* John.  This baby, it’s your baby.  Not Gene’s.   You assumed it was Gene’s but it’s not.  You never gave me a chance… the day I came up to see you at the loft, when you thought I had come to tell you I was with Gene…” she paused, remembering the pain on John’s face that day.  She reached up to his face again and brought her trembling palm to rest against his rough cheek, just as his lay against hers.  “Well, I hadn’t,” she whispered with a desperate poignancy.  “I found out I was pregnant that day and I had come to tell you that you’re going to be a daddy again.”

 

 

******

 

 

John looks at Gabe, his uncertainty evident.  He can’t remember anything of the moment that got him to this place.  All he remembers is the pain he has been feeling now for such a long time.  But the pain is gone now.  All he feels is a peace and a serenity such as he has never known.

 

And there is Gabe, standing there, ready to welcome him into God’s home with gloriously open arms.  And John can’t think of anything he wants more….  Except….

 

John……  Gabe nudges John’s consciousness,  John, you cannot wait here forever.  You have to make a decision.

 

John looks at Gabe and then looks around him.  He feels something pulling at him, but he cannot identify it and he tries to ignore it.

 

He takes a step towards Gabe.

 

 

******

 

 

“*John*,” Marlena knew her time was running out and she no longer could hold onto any logical thread of coherent thought.  All she knew was she had to make him hear her.  Before it was too late.  “John, listen to me dammit.  Don’t let go.  This baby needs you.  Belle and Brady need you.  Most of all, *I* need you.  I’ll never forgive you if you leave me now.  You told me once you would always wait for me.  Well, I need you to keep your word.”  She wiped the tears angrily from her face, ignoring Mike as he stood outside the window, waiting for her to leave her vigil.  “John, you have to fight.  I won’t let you go.  I’m not going to let you go.   Not now.  Not *ever*.” 

 

 

******

 

*John*.

 

John turns, his attention caught by the faint voice.

 

What was that?  he asks Gabe.  Gabe says nothing, just silently waits.

 

John, you have to fight.  I won’t let you go.  I’m not going to let you go.   Not now.  Not *ever*.

 

The voice is faint but John’s eyes widen, for he knows that voice.  His soul recognizes that voice as its mate.  The one whom he is destined to be with, to spend eternity with.  The one he loves with all his *being*.

 

Marlena, he breathes in wonder, it’s *Marlena*.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 92 – Retrospective

 

 

Marlena felt as though her heart might break as she watched John, still and silent in his hospital bed.  There was no movement, no hint that he might have heard her words, her frantic pleas and she was once again faced with the possibility that this might be it.  The last time she would ever see his beloved face.

 

The lyrics of a song came to her as she sat holding his icy hand in hers.  It would be like living without being alive, without you.  She couldn’t think of a more apt way to describe the way she felt right now.  The way she felt when he was not part of her life.  She loved Roman and she loved Gene, but John brought sunlight and color and laughter and tears to her life in the way that no one ever had before and no one had since.  And she knew without a doubt that no one ever would do in the future.

 

She could live without him, yes.  But she would never be truly happy.  She knew that now.

 

“Baby,” she whispered in a voice filled with longing.  “John, please don’t give up on me now.  Please don’t give up on *us*.”

 

A noise at the door diverted her attention and she turned to find Mike standing there with sympathy in his eyes.

 

“Marlena,” he said quietly, “a half hour is long since up.”

 

“But Mike….” She looked up at him imploringly.

 

“No buts,” he shook his head.  “You promised me.  Faithfully remember?  You and John both need your rest.”

 

Tears filled her eyes as she nodded and then she turned back to John.  Bringing his hand up to her lips, she pressed a sad, tender kiss onto his curled fingers.

 

“I love you,” she whispered before she lay his hand back on the bedclothes.

 

Mike helped her from the chair, and she turned for one final glimpse of John before she left the room.

 

He was still unmoving.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena!  John searches with frantic eyes into the darkness, but he can see nothing.  Around him, the field fades into nothingness but he doesn’t notice.  Doc!  Where are you?  He takes a step further into the darkness and strains to hear something, anything, in the silence.  But there is nothing to hear in the void that yawns toward him. 

 

He turns back to Gabe.

 

Was I imagining it?  He shakes his head, unwilling to believe it.  Where is she Gabe?  What is going on?

 

John might be wrong, but he thinks he sees a speculative gleam in his guide’s eyes.

 

She is on earth John.  It is just as I have told you.  Gabe cannot tell John that Marlena sits by his side in the hospital.  That would make his decision too easy.  That would not test John at all.

 

John, there is something that might help you make up your mind.  He waves his hand in front of him and the emptiness dissolves into a swirl of colors and shapes.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena closed her eyes and leaned against the wall outside the small room as Mike wandered off to find a nurse.  She couldn’t believe she was here, in this kind of predicament.  The last few months had just been such a blur and confusion of events and emotions that she could hardly work out how she and John had gotten to this moment.  She supposed it didn’t really matter at this point.  They couldn’t undo the mistakes they had made, they could only try not to repeat them.  Assuming they were given the chance to try again.

 

She sighed and ran a weary hand over her pale face.  Inside her, John’s baby stirred, gently reminding her of its existence.  She smiled a gentle, peaceful smile and laid her hand across her belly.  In response, the baby fluttered inside her again.

 

“I’m trying little one,” she whispered, “I’m trying so hard.  But it’s up to him now.  Your daddy has to *want* to come back to us.”  Her expression slipped into melancholy as she brought her other hand around to cradle her stomach.  Turning, she looked through the window at John.  “I only hope he realizes he has a reason to come back to us.”

 

 

******

 

 

John watches the scenes flashing in front of him in a kind of stunned awe.  It is like watching his life through the eyes of a stranger.  Except that as each moment brings him closer to the place he is now, he becomes aware that not only is he experiencing his life through the eyes of another, he is also experiencing the emotions of those around him.  The emotions he is responsible for.

 

He barely recognizes much of it.  There are things that have happened in his past that he has no recollection of, but there are no great shocks or surprises.  He is shown the happiness and peace he brings to the parishioners at the church where he is a priest, but nothing is particularly important to him until he suddenly sees a face he recognizes, the one he knows better than his own.

 

He feels her intrigue and her growing attraction to him and then her suspicion and confusion when she does not know who he is.  And then he recognizes the feelings she struggles with as she falls in love with him.

 

He had almost forgotten that flight through the woods of West Virginia, their constant battles, the fiery moments where they could barely keep a civil tongue in their heads.  But through it all, there was the intense attraction that they kept trying to deny.  Even when they had both thought he was Stefano and they had fought it as hard as they could, they were falling head over heels in love.

 

He relives the moment where Marlena believes he is Roman, and he feels her relief and the love she finally allows herself to feel and he is awed by the strength of it.  It evenly matches the intensity of the love he feels for her, and he realizes with a start that it is *him* she loves.  Not just some memory of Roman.  The belief that he is Roman simply justifies her feelings and allows her to express them freely.

 

It surprises him because a part of him always felt that her love for him was only so strong because she thought he was Roman.  Now he realizes that she truly loved him for *him*, thinking that he was Roman simply allowed her to express that love and it humbles him to realize that she loved him truly as much as he loved her. 

 

The scenes continue to flick by until he sees her holding a photograph.  Orpheus is with her, and John realizes the picture is one of Olivia and him.  He feels the first time he caused her real anguish, and it cuts through him like a burning hot knife as he feels her pain.  It is followed quickly by her hope that he might find her, save her from Orpheus’ insane scheme and then her terror as her plane plunges into the sea. 

 

John can barely cope with seeing it again, it tore him apart so much the first time he lost her.  He remembers the utter desolation he felt at reading her letter and going home without her.  But now in addition to the remembered pain, he feels the guilt.  He should have looked for her.  He should have known not to give up, not to believe until he had seen her body with his own eyes.

 

But Gabe does not allow John time to wallow in his self-recrimination as he moves John through his years in Salem.  He feels the love of his children… Roman’s children.  But they thought they were his children and they *loved* him like a father.  And that was what mattered. 

 

Gabe takes John through his relationships with Diana, Whitney and Yvette to Isabella.  He had made her happy too.  But hers was not the kind of love that he feels in Marlena.  Marlena’s is a fierce, passionate love, where Isabella’s is a soft, gentle love.  He smiles as he sees her laughing face.  But then, he finds himself confronted with the pier, with Marlena’s return and he once again feels that all-encompassing passion she feels for him and her joy at being back in his arms.

 

Then, for the second time, and not for the last, John feels her pain and confusion as he leaves her in a shabby motel room to go back to Isabella.  And he feels ashamed.

 

 

******

 

 

“*No!”  Carrie struck out at the doctor who stood calmly by her beside.  “Go away, just *go away*.”

 

“Carrie honey,” Laura rounded the end of the bed and came to stand beside Romy, “we’re not here to upset you or make you uncomfortable.  We just want to know how you’re feeling.”

 

“I don’t *want* to talk to you,” Carrie sounded like a petulant child and Laura was feeling incredibly frustrated.  They were having to be so careful that they were making little headway.  Carrie just wasn’t prepared to be helped at this stage.

 

 

“Well, who *do* you want to talk with Carrie?” Romy asked quietly.  Carrie looked at her with a measure of surprise.  Her fractured mind hadn’t anticipated this change in tack and in a measure of defense, she grasped the first thing that came to her.

 

“Marlena.  I want to talk to Marlena.”

 

“Carrie, that may not be possible,” Laura ventured.  She didn’t know how Marlena was doing at this point, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to burden her with the extra responsibility of dealing with Carrie.

 

“I want to talk to *Marlena*,” Carrie’s eyes filled with tears as she began to get agitated again.  Laura held out her hand defeatedly.

 

“All right, all right.  I’ll see what I can do Carrie,” she looked at Romy who in turn raised her eyebrows.  Laura shrugged.  It had been a long, long couple of days.  Without a sound, she turned and left the room, Romy close behind.

 

 

******

 

 

Everything is wonderful if you can forget one thing…….…This is crazy.  I don’t have any memories of my own and the one I do have I’m supposed to forget.

 

I loved you………I loved you……*love* you.

 

John feels the tears sting his eyes as he watches himself give up Marlena.  Without any kind of struggle.  He still knows why he did it, but it doesn’t make it any easier on him.  It hadn’t made it any easier on either of them.  And given the same circumstances once again he does not know if he could make the same sacrifice.  Not knowing the pain that it has ultimately caused them all.

 

He watches himself marrying Isabella and the birth of their beautiful baby Brady.  He remembers how proud he was, and he feels the joy of Isabella’s happiness as they settle down to their life together.  But all too quickly, it is over and he relives the pain of holding her in his arms as she died.  He is glad to know the peace she felt at that moment, it makes the pain of losing her a little easier to bear.

 

And then he sees Marlena for the first time since his return from Venice.  He feels her pain for his loss, and he feels Roman’s uncertainty when he walks in on them hugging.  

 

It is hard from him to comprehend all the emotions that he has evoked, all the love, hate, joy and anger.  He has always known what it was like for him when Roman returned, but he has never fully comprehended how hard it was for Roman, himself.  The other man had tried so hard to reclaim his life, to fit back into it but it was as though he was now slightly the wrong shape for the hole he was trying to fit into, and no matter how hard he tried, he always had the feeling that something was not quite right.

 

And he feels Marlena’s struggle deep within her, even before she becomes aware of it, in much the same way as it was for him.  It is not something either of them can control, it is something they have been failing to deal with for so long now and like such things do, it is bubbling to the surface. 

 

He recalls the moment he realized Marlena was trapped in the warehouse and his desperation to find her. 

 

Do you know God was a baseball fan? ….No….Yeah it’s true, it’s in the bible.  You read the bible.  It’s on the first page.  What’s the first line?  Hm?  C’mon…….In the beginning…..  No.  In the Big Inning.

 

She is desolate and afraid, but she is so glad he is there. 

 

Do you remember, a long time ago we said, we said to each other that if it had to end, we really wanted to be together when it happened….. Yeah….I didn’t think it was going to be like this though….Yeah, well John?  *God*, I’m *glad* we are together….

 

He holds her tightly, truly believing that this is the end for both of him.  But, as they have before, they cheated death and they were given another chance.  That time, alone in the pit had strengthened their bond, had forged something between them that they were not able to forget in the following months.  Something they had never been able to forget. 

 

The scenes flicker in front of him, a maelstrom of conflicting emotions, of love and denial and guilt.  The interview with Jennifer and the moments on the pier afterward.  They way her heart was breaking as she told him she loved him… all leading up to that inevitable moment on the plane when they could no longer control their feelings, their passion, their love for each other.

 

John staggers back slightly as he is buffeted by the force of those emotions.  He has almost forgotten the intensity of that night, the sheer desperation and fear and abandonment.  And the *passion*.   To feel Marlena’s emotions echo his, is almost too much to bear.  God, he loved her so much. 

 

*Loves* her so much.

 

 

******

 

 

“Roman,” Laura looked exhausted to Roman’s eyes.  Her forehead was caught in deep furrows and the skin around her eyes was pinched and tired. 

 

“Laura?” he looked at her expectantly.

 

“She won’t talk to me Roman.  Or Romy.  She just says she wants to talk to Marlena.” She dropped her hand to her hip and sighed.  “That doesn’t mean that she actually *will* talk to Marlena.  It’s quite probably just a stalling tactic.  She’s a very frightened and confused young lady.”

 

Roman nodded, carefully weighing Laura’s words.

 

“Thanks Laura, I appreciate your help,” he frowned.  “I’m not sure Marlena is strong enough to deal with Carrie right now though.”  He looked up at the psychiatrist from his seat.  “She’s got so much to cope with already.”

 

“I agree,” Laura sank into the seat next to him and leaned back, crossing her arms defensively.  “But Carrie is going to want to know why Marlena hasn’t come to see her soon enough.”

 

“You think it might be harmful if she *doesn’t* see her?” Roman asked with concern. 

 

“Well if we tell Carrie the truth, that John is hurt… I don’t know Roman,” she shook her head and ran her hand up over her forehead, pushing the hair away from her face.  “Maybe it could be enough to spark Carrie’s memory and maybe that could be harmful.  I just don’t know.  We just have no way of knowing how she’s going to deal with anything at the moment.  She’s teetering on the edge of a major breakdown and anything at all could be enough to send her over the edge.  I just can’t predict how she will react to any given incident.”

 

“So, we’re flying blind,” Roman felt just as tired as Laura.  It was hard to make any decisions when you were so confused and tired you could barely think.

 

“Pretty much,” Laura nodded her head.

 

“I think I’ll go talk to Doc,” Roman said quietly.  “Maybe this decision should be down to her.”

 

“Roman, do you really think that’s fair?” Laura sounded unsure.

 

“Laura, that’s my baby girl lying in there,” Roman pointed to the room, his frustration finally getting the better of him.  “Marlena hasn’t thanked me in the past for trying to protect her.  Carrie might really be able to use her help right now.   She and Marlena have always been very close.”

 

“She just shot the man that Marlena loves.” Laura pointed out, equally angry.  “She’s possibly killed him.  Marlena is pretty distraught about that.  You really think it’s wise to ask her to *counsel* Carrie?”

 

“I’m not interested in being fair right now,” Roman replied coldly, “I need to help my daughter and I think Marlena can help me.  She is more Carrie’s mother than Anna ever has been and I think she has a right to be involved in this.  Despite what Carrie’s done.”

 

Laura bit her lip and faced Roman for several long moments.  Then she let out a deep breath and nodded her head.

 

“It is your decision, of course.”

 

“Thank you,” Roman’s sarcasm took Laura aback slightly and she watched in surprise as he pushed himself up with the aid of his cane.  Maybe, she reflected, watching Marlena’s distress over John had been harder on Roman than any of them had suspected.

 

 

******

 

 

John finds it hard to deal with the succeeding months and years as he is forced to confront each and every mistake he has made along the way.  And with that, he is forced to witness how much pain he has caused the woman he loves so much.  From the moment of the revelation of their affair, he realizes she has never known a moment of true peace and happiness.  As hard as he tried to deny his feelings, she fought even harder.  All for his sake and for her family’s sake.  She wanted him to be happy.  She wanted to save the family any more pain, so she had taken it all on herself.  All the loneliness, guilt and sadness.  She had worn a brave front, she had convinced everyone she was just fine, when bit by bit, she was dying inside.

 

And then, after reviewing the winter at Aremid John truly begins to despise himself.  He sees Marlena coming upon the scene in the cellar, where he and Kristen are making love and he cringes.  He feels her heartbreak and her anguish, and he knows he can never make it up to her.  He can never take away the pain he has caused her and as she will carry it with her forever, he will carry the guilt of that knowledge.

 

Tears fall from his eyes as he watches Marlena’s face light up when she realizes he still loves her, that night in her bedroom.  He relives how it feels to hold her, to feel her warm skin against his and he is astonished to realize the depth of the happiness he brings her.  Even after all he has done to hurt her, after everything he has inflicted on her, she still adores him.  And he makes her feel whole again in exactly the same way that she fills the empty void in his life.

 

He repays her loyalty and her love by doubting her.  No *wonder* she was devastated.  He relives that dreadful night in her apartment when she threw him out and he feels so deeply contrite for the pain and heartache he has caused her.  He watches her receive each and every gift that he sent, including the last box, the box that Kristen had taken great pains to ensure she would never receive.  And he feels her peace and joy as she makes the decision that she feels will change her life.

 

And then he sees her in the lift of his building, and he relives a moment that he had never even known had happened.  It is like a blow to the stomach to him and he sinks to his knees, as everything finally becomes clear.

 

She thought I had taken Kristen back.  She thought that I was telling Kristen that I loved her.  She thought…. that I had turned my back on her at the first hurdle….

 

Oh Doc, baby *no*…….  Oh God *NO*.

 

He shakes his head as he watches her leave the building, her face a picture of utter and tragic despair, and he is filled with rage as he feels Kristen’s sense of triumph.

 

*That* was why…..  At the moment she had been at her lowest, when she could see no way out of the despair and pain, Eugene had been there for her, holding her, loving her like she needed so desperately.

 

John looks at Gabe bleakly.  How am I ever supposed to atone for this?  How can I ever expect her forgiveness, after everything I have done to her?

 

There is more John. Gabe speaks softly.  He feels for John’s pain, but he is proud of him too.

 

John turns back to the scene in front of him.  He discovers that the day Marlena came to see him in the loft, she was coming to tell him she was pregnant.  With his baby. 

 

His eyes widen with the shock.  Why hadn’t it ever occurred to him before now?  Had he been so busy feeling sorry for himself that he hadn’t even contemplated the truth?  He had just assumed.  And in her pain and betrayal, she had let him think the worst.  How could she have done anything else?

 

Finally, he comes to the moment the brought him to this place.  John is still on his knees as he sees Kristen’s ‘proposal’ and sees the look on his own face, the horror, the helpless gaze of the ensnared prey.  But he can feel the truth in Marlena’s heart, her pure and complete love for him, even as he felt it at that moment.  He turns to see the tears falling from her eyes and he knows he would die for this woman.

 

She still loves me.  He looks up at Gabe in amazement.  Doc still loves me?   After everything….  He is stunned at the revelation as the scene in front of him fades back into oblivion.

 

Gabe stands before him, his face expressionless.

 

It is time John.

 

 

******

 

 

“Marlena,” Q was concerned at her pallid appearance as Mike guided her towards her room.  “Are you okay?”  Marlena said nothing, simply nodded at him with tired, frightened eyes.  “Hey,” he said gently as he caught her up in his arms.  “How’s John doing?”  She shrugged her shoulders.

 

“No change,” she could barely spit out the words in her hoarse whisper.

 

“He’s going to be okay,” Gene told her fervently.  There was no answer as she closed her eyes tightly and buried her face in his chest. 

 

“Doc,” Roman interrupted them, the tension in his face betraying the strain he felt.  “Doc, I need to talk to you.” 

 

It was a moment before Marlena could find the strength to look up at Roman.

 

“I don’t think now is quite the time Roman,” Q said protectively

 

“John’s not…?” his eyes widened in panic.

 

“No, no, John’s condition is still critical, but he’s hanging in there,” Mike assured Roman.

 

“Doc, I know this isn’t a good time, but I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t think it was important.”  Marlena loosened Gene’s arms from around her, but Roman noted he still stood behind her like some kind of moralistic guardian angel. 

 

Marlena was concerned when she saw Roman’s expression.  She had rarely seen him in such a state.  He looked exhausted and harried, and he seemed to have lost weight overnight.

 

“Roman, what is it?” she asked gently.

 

“Marlena, I really hate to put you in this position,” he was sincere, and she felt her heart sink, “but Carrie is asking to talk to you.”

 

 

******

 

 

John feels fear constrict him as he tries to make sense of everything he has just seen.  Marlena still loves him, but he has caused her unspeakable pain.  He doesn’t deserve the love she has to offer him.  He doesn’t deserve anything, when all he has brought her is hurt and misery.  If he was to go back now, who is to say he won’t hurt her again?  After all, he had never intended to hurt her before and that was exactly what he had done.  Time and time again.  He had caused so many of her tears and he doesn’t know if he can ever forgive himself.  He has taken her for granted and he has abused her trust and love and her incredible goodness time and time again.  He has been selfish and thoughtless and if he can’t forgive himself, how can he expect her to forgive him?

 

But she is carrying his baby.  He can barely believe it.  They are going to have another baby!  Two more babies.  He drops his head.  There is still Kristen to consider.  He hates her with a loathing he had barely thought possible.  After all that she has done, he can’t believe he ever loved her.   He feels so unworthy of Marlena and unworthy his children.  He remembers again the times they missed him, the nights they cried themselves to sleep because he was not there for them.  He can’t believe that he has been such a hopeless father.  If he can’t even do it right with the children he has, how can he be a father to two more beautiful babies?

 

John?  It is not Gabe’s voice this time, but it is a voice he recognizes.  His heart almost disbelieving, he looks up.

 

IzzyB?

 

She smiles at him, soft and welcoming.

 

It’s me John.  I’ve come to take you home.

 

Home?  He feels the tears pricking at his eyes.  He had thought that he would never see her again but she’s just as beautiful as his memories.

 

Home, with me John. She reaches out her hand and he raises his to take it.  I’ve come to take you to Him.  She helps him to stand and then takes both of his hands in hers with a radiant smile.  It’s time John.

 

 

******

 

 

“Carrie?  She wants to see me?”  Marlena’s immediate reaction was to recoil, but she couldn’t let Roman see that.  She was immediately thankful for Gene’s solid presence behind her as she used his steadiness to anchor herself.

 

“Laura and Dr. Welter have tried to talk to her Doc, but she’s just not responding.” Roman shook his head, too tired to pick up on his ex-wife’s distress.  “At times she’s refusing to believe that Austin is dead and at other times she is distraught.”  He winced as he said the words but there was no other way than to simply spit them out.  “She has no idea about John, and she has no idea that she was the one that pulled the trigger.”

 

“And what do you think I can do?”  Marlena’s every instinct was screaming at her to turn and run, but she knew that was not possible and she was glad for Eugene’s strong, silent presence behind her.

 

“I don’t entirely know Doc.” Roman shrugged his aching shoulders, “but maybe your presence might reassure her, might help her to remember what happened in her own time.”  He looked at her with pleading eyes, “we have to know Marlena, we have to know what made her do this.”

 

Q had not missed Marlena’s reticence and he this time he felt her physical reaction as she shrank back from Roman.  It was barely noticeable, but he was standing right behind her and besides, he knew her too well to miss it.  In other circumstances, Roman might have picked up on it too, but right now, his first thought was for his daughter.

 

“Roman, don’t you think you’re being rather unfair?” Marlena hear Q’s voice sound behind her.  She was so close to him she could almost feel the vibration of his voice against her back.  “Hasn’t Marlena got enough to worry about right now without being asked to take responsibility for your daughter?”  His tone betrayed his anger at Roman’s seeming lack of concern for Marlena’s wellbeing.  “Whom, I might add, is the reason we are all here to begin with.”

 

“Carrie is *not* responsible for what happened last night.” Roman returned angrily. 

 

“Well Marlena has just spent an hour sitting beside John who is in a hospital bed,” Q narrowed his eyes.  “I don’t know what you thought you saw, but I saw your daughter -”

 

“I don’t care what you saw,” Roman’s fractious temper was getting the better of him, “Carrie is Marlena’s daughter too and she needs her help.”

 

“At the expense of Marlena’s health is that it?”

 

“Enough!” Marlena interrupted, raising her hand to cease the escalating bickering.  Turning around, she regarded Gene.  “It’s sweet of you to worry,” she said at length, “but really, Roman is right.  Carrie is as much a daughter to me as Sami.  If she needs me then I have to do what I can for her.”

 

“But Marlena, Mike said you have to rest,” he really only had her best concerns at heart, but she had never been one to welcome advocates.

 

“Mike,” she turned to look at the doctor, “I am sure will agree that Carrie takes precedence.”

 

“Well….” Mike was obviously unsure.

 

“Mike, it won’t be long and then I *promise* I’ll rest.”  He remained unconvinced.  “Carrie *needs* me.  If I can help her, I want to do it and as soon as possible.  We need to catch whoever is responsible for this……”  she stopped short of naming the events of the previous night, ending her sentence with a slight shiver.

 

“All right,” Mike nodded his head.  He obviously wasn’t going to win this argument.  “But only on condition that it’s only a short while and you let one of the doctors examine you when you’re done.  We want to make sure that baby isn’t under too much stress, okay?”

 

“Okay.”  She nodded and then turned back to Q with a questioning expression.  He still didn’t look particularly happy, but he didn’t argue any more.  Leaning toward him, she dropped a soft kiss on his cheek.

 

“Thanks,” she whispered before turning to Roman.  “Where is she?”

 

They had almost reached Carrie’s room when Michelle hastened down the hall towards Mike, who was trailing behind them.

 

“Dr. Horton!  Mike. You have to come quick,” she said breathlessly.  “It’s John Black.  You have to come now!”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 93 – Love

 

 

You brushed my eyes with angel’s wings

Full of love, the kind that makes the devils cry.

-You Have Been Loved

  George Michael

 

 

 

Time?  John shakes his head sadly.  Gabe is right.  This is the hardest decision he will ever have to make.

 

I’ve missed you so much.  Isabella smiles at him lovingly and envelopes him in her embrace.  Part of John wants to hold her and never let her go. 

 

But he knows that isn’t possible now.

 

Regretfully he pushes her away from him and he steps back with an unreadable expression in his eyes.  She looks at him in surprise.  John?

 

IzzyB… he tries to smile at her, but he knows that the words he is about to say will hurt her and he hates that.  He never wanted to hurt her. 

 

When I was married to you, it was one of the happiest times of my life.  I loved you with all my heart. 

 

I loved you too John.  She seems confused but he knows she is beginning to catch on and she doesn’t like what she’s hearing.

 

Isabella, I can’t go with you now.  He bites his lower lip and looks at her with sad eyes.  You always knew that part of my heart still belonged to Marlena.  It still does.  Honey I can’t lie to you.  She means everything to me.  She’s my soulmate, you must know that.  He sees the hurt and betrayal in her eyes and he feels bad, but she deserves to know the truth. 

 

And she needs me now.

 

As much as he has loved Isabella, he loves Marlena so much more.  He always has, he has just never admitted it before this moment.

 

He watches as Isabella’s face falls, but he glimpses in her eyes the recognition of the truth.  She knows, maybe she has always known. 

 

It doesn’t make it any easier.

 

I’m *so* sorry.  But I love her and she needs me.  I can’t walk away from her again.  What kind of man would that make me?

 

Isabella smiles a sad smile.  It always came down to that.  He had to walk away from one of them eventually.  Tears fill her eyes.

 

I hope she knows how lucky she is.

 

Not half as lucky as I am, John thinks to himself. 

 

And then, suddenly Isabella is fading before his eyes.  He reaches out to her, but she is already gone.

 

With searching eyes, he turns to Gabe.  You didn’t even let me say goodbye.

 

You said everything that was needed.  Gabe reaches out his hand and lays it on John’s shoulder once again.  John, you will not take the memory of this time with you.  It is up to you to make this decision count.  Don’t make the same mistakes again.

 

I won’t remember?  John is quick to reply.  He is suddenly afraid that this will all be for nothing if he once again is oblivious to his mistakes.  He can’t bear the thought that he might hurt Marlena again, but silently he makes a vow that he will not let that happen.  He will never allow her to be hurt again.  Not by anyone.

 

He looks with searching eyes at Gabe, but the angelic guide is fading too, and all John is left with is the echo of his smile, and an unspoken message that John has made the right decision.  

 

Suddenly, John narrows his eyes as light begins to spill into the smothering darkness and he feels his consciousness evaporating.

 

 

******

 

 

“He what?” Mike stared at the heart monitor and then back at Michelle.

 

“He murmured something that sounded a lot like ‘Marlena’,” she grinned widely. 

 

Mike turned to Marlena who had already perched herself on the edge of the bed and was all but oblivious to everything but John.

 

“John?” she almost couldn’t let herself hope.  “John honey, it’s Marlena.  C’mon baby.  You can do it.  You just need to open your eyes.  Please John.  For me and for the children.” 

 

She waited but there was no response from John. 

 

“Marlena,” Mike’s voice intruded gently.  “You know, it might not have been anything at all.”

 

“No Mike.  *No*.”  She shook her head, refusing to listen to the meaning in his words.  She wouldn’t let him take this hope away from her.  Mike chewed on his lower lip for a moment and then stepped back.

 

Marlena said nothing for a long moment and then she leaned over and pressed her lips to John’s.  “I need you, John.  *Please*.”  It was a whisper, but it was heart-wrenching and Mike and Michelle both felt distinctly uncomfortable, like they were trespassing on an intimate moment.

 

And then she saw it.  The tiniest of flickers, then tremble of a lash that sparked hope inside her.

 

“John? John honey?”  She clutched at his hand and then it happened again.  His lashes flickered and his eyes began to open.

 

 

******

 

 

Slowly the blur resolved into smudges and then into solid shapes as John blinked impulsively.   No thoughts ran through his head, he was operating on complete instinct as he fought his way out of unconsciousness.

 

He was barely aware of the noise or bustle around his bed as Mike and Michelle checked his vitals.  All that he was aware of was a profound sense of peace, such as he had not felt in a long time. 

 

As he struggled, the first of his senses to return was touch and he became aware that someone was holding his hand.  Familiar fingers tenderly squeezed his and then he heard her voice.

 

“John?”  It was gentle, like sweet honey, soothing and coaxing him as he battled against the nebulous murkiness that kept trying to draw him back.  “Sweetheart?”  Something about the voice made his heart jump and he wanted desperately to find its source.

 

Ignoring the discomfort of the bright light that was glaring down at him, he forced his eyes open further, blinking rapidly as they began to water.  Eventually, the outline of the fuzzy shapes in front of him began to sharpen and with that, his perception crystallized.  He could hardly believe it when he realized that the pair of eyes looking down at him with such concern and happiness were beautiful hazel ones.

 

“Oh John, John you’re all right!”  Pure joy lit up her face as she laughed with relief.

 

“Doc?” he managed to croak before he became aware of the burning pain in his chest.  He had no idea what had happened or why he was there.  Right at this moment, he didn’t really care.  All that mattered to him was that Marlena was here with him, holding his hand, looking so incredibly happy.

 

“Oh sweetheart,” she saw him wince as he tried to speak, “don’t try and talk right now.  Just wait till the painkillers take effect and you feel a little stronger.”  She glanced over at Mike and the doctor nodded.  Turning back to John, she smiled tenderly.  “It shouldn’t be long honey.”

 

His eyes widened at that.  She had called him honey, and as he stared up at her in wonder, tears began to pool in her glistening hazel eyes.

 

“I thought we’d lost you,” her voice was low and husky with tears.  “John, you don’t know how hard I prayed for this moment.” She smiled, wiping away her tears with the back of her fingers in such a familiar gesture that John’s heart lurched.  He had never loved her more than he did at this moment, and he desperately wanted to tell her how he felt.  He didn’t want to be angry with her anymore, or to be angry with himself, all he wanted was to take her in his arms and tell her he adored her, and he was never going to let her go.

 

“Marlena,” pain tore through his chest as he spoke, and he spluttered slightly.  But it didn’t really matter to him.  There were more important things to take care of.  However, Marlena had other ideas.

“John,” she touched her index finger delicately to his lips and smiled tenderly.  “You’ve been through a terrible trauma.  It’s just a *miracle* that you’re here now.”  She squeezed his hand as she swept a stray strand of hair from his face.  “We’ll have all the time in the world to talk later.”

 

Her sweet gesture brought tears to John’s eyes.  He didn’t understand what was going on, the last thing he would have expected was to have her here by his side, so obviously overjoyed that he was okay.  If the fiery pain in his shoulder wasn’t so agonizing, he would have wondered if he was dreaming this moment.  As it was, right now he didn’t particularly care what had happened to put him in this hospital bed.  If it had brought Marlena back into his life, that was enough for him.

 

Marlena swiped at her tears again.  She just couldn’t seem to stop crying.  She had been so terrified she would lose him for good this time that this did indeed seem like a miracle to her.  She saw the fleeting look of confusion that flickered in his eyes as she held his hand tightly and she wondered how much he remembered of the day before.  Whatever, it didn’t matter in the long run.  She had almost lost him once before and she had made the mistake of letting circumstances prevent her from telling him the truth.  This time, nothing was going to stand in her way.  Nothing.

 

As the painkillers began to dull the sharp pangs in John’s chest, she noted that he began to breathe easier.

 

 And she looked up at Mike with a grateful smile as she mouthed her thanks.  Mike nodded, his relief obvious and he turned to leave the room, wanting to give John and Marlena a little space and time alone. 

 

However, before he even took a step, he noticed Kristen standing at the window, ire flashing in her eyes.

 

“Oh no,” he murmured as she stalked to the door.  With a quick movement, he cut her off. 

 

“What is *she* doing here?” Kristen hissed furiously, glaring at Marlena.

 

“She was with me when I was called back here urgently,” Mike explained curtly.

 

“You said *I* would be the first one to see John,” Kristen complained loudly. 

 

“She just *happened* to be with me Kristen,” Mike said, badly covering his irritation.  “It was nothing more than that.”

 

Marlena winced as she heard Kristen’s voice and she realized with a sinking feeling that Kristen would not allow her to have any time alone with John now.  In fact, she would lay odds on the fact that Kristen would do everything and anything she could to make sure that she and John had no chance to spend any time alone together.

 

“Well, *I* want to see John now.  Alone.”  The grating voice confirmed her fears and she looked down at John.  He looked exhausted and upset and she knew the last thing he needed was for her and Kristen to get into a spat here and now.  Kristen might not care about him, but Marlena couldn’t put him through anything that was going to cause him strain.  There was plenty of time to talk later, when he was feeling better.

 

 Regretfully, she slipped off the bed.

“I’ll be back later,” she whispered so that only he could hear her.  The sadness in his eyes broke her heart as she turned from him, but then she felt the pressure of his fingers on hers, and she turned back with a questioning look.

 

For John’s part, the last person he wanted to see right now was Kristen.  He wasn’t sure that he understood Marlena’s reasons for walking away, though he suspected he did.  But he couldn’t let her go without at least giving her something that would bring her back.  He had spent too much time hiding his feelings behind silence.  He had a second chance now; he was not going to waste it.

 

“Doc,” it was little more than a quiet whisper and he stared at her hopefully, his blue eyes impossibly vivid against his pale skin.  He squeezed her fingers again and she leaned over him to catch his words.  “I love you.”

 

Her eyes widened as she looked at him, almost unable to believe she had heard those three magic words, and then a joyful smile brightened her face.

 

“Oh John, I love you too.”  Only John could hear it, but those three simple words lifted his heart higher than he ever could have imagined. 

 

She loves me! 

 

He grinned idiotically at her, wishing he could express the overwhelming happiness he felt right now but knowing he didn’t have to.  One look at her gorgeous, happy face told him that she knew.

 

“I have to go now, I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Kristen’s whining voice had intruded on the moment and Marlena knew that she had to go before Kristen cottoned on to what was happening.   She dearly wished she could just tell Kristen to go to hell, but she knew this was the only way to deal with things right now.  John nodded his agreement and she turned to leave the room.

 

Kristen and Mike followed her out.

 

“What the *hell* do you think you are doing?” Kristen demanded nastily, completely ignoring the policeman that was posted on John’s door.  “He’s *not* yours anymore.  Can’t you get that through your thick skull?”

 

“No more than you can apparently,” Marlena wiped away the remaining tears with her fingers and broke into a glorious smile.  Nothing Kristen could say could dampen her spirits now. 

 

“If you go anywhere near him again, so help me I will…”

 

“What?” Marlena interrupted Kristen’s feeble attempt at a threat.  “What will you do Kristen?  What can you *possibly* do that will change John’s feelings towards me?  Nothing you have done has succeeded so far,” she crossed her arms in front of her, unsuccessfully suppressing a smile, “and let’s face it, you’ve gone to some extraordinary lengths.  And *still*, when all is said and done, *you* are not the one that John *really* wants.”

 

“You deluded bitch,” Kristen narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice.  Retaining her tenuous grip on reality had entailed conveniently forgetting portions of the previous night and she honestly believed that Marlena was simply denying the obvious.  That John would have married *her* if Carrie had not gone beserk.  “John loves me, he wants me.  He’s going to marry me.”  With each sentence, Kristen’s voice rose in pitch as she worked herself up into a frenzy.  “So, you keep your pathetic, grasping, thieving whore hands *off* him, you got that?  You aren’t going anywhere *near* him ever again.”

 

“Oh *bite* me Kristen,” Marlena was tired, and her patience was wearing extremely thin.

 

“You *witch*!” Kristen made to lunge at Marlena, but Mike interceded, stepping in between them.

 

“For God’s sake Kristen, *grow up*,” he finally lost his temper.  “If you want to see John it’s going to be *short*.  He needs his rest.  But you are *not* going to dictate who else sees or doesn’t see John.  Marlena is the mother of his daughter.  She is entitled to see him.”

 

“But-”  Kristen was taken aback by Mike’s uncharacteristic outburst.

 

“*No* Kristen.” Mike was not brooking any argument.  He didn’t care for Kristen’s threats and haranguing.  He’d had just about enough of the Blakes as he could handle, and he was sick of seeing them pushing people around when they couldn’t get their own way.  “Your five minutes start now.”

 

Throwing a rabid glare, Marlena’s way, Kristen turned and took a deep breath before brushing past the stoic guard to enter John’s room.

 

“Thanks,” Marlena melted into a smile as she turned to Mike.  “I think I owe you another one.”

 

“You don’t owe me anything,” Mike grinned at her.  He wasn’t stupid and he knew what that look in her eyes meant.  “You two just make sure you get it *right* this time.  And be happy.”

 

“What?” surprise echoed on her face.

 

“I saw the way you two looked at each other Marlena.”  He caught her hand in his and squeezed it.  “Neither of you have smiled like this in a long, long time.  And I for one, couldn’t be happier.” 

 

Marlena’s lips curled into a smile that sparkled in her eyes.

 

“He told me he loves me,” she whispered in an awed voice.

 

“Well, an idiot could see that,” Mike’s words bubbled into a chuckle as draped his arm around her shoulders and turned her towards her room.  “But it’s great.  It really is.”

 

Mike left her as she neared her room and went back to evict Kristen from the small ICU room.  Marlena turned the corner to find a waiting room full of expectantly worried faces.

 

“Mom?”  Sami was the first to voice the question that was on every pair of lips as she neared her mother.  “Is he….?”   Marlena cast her eyes around the waiting room and suddenly felt incredibly lucky to know she and John had so many people who loved them and cared for them.

 

“He’s awake,” the words came amid her exhilarated laughter.  “He’s going to be just fine.”

 

“Oh Mom!”  Sami threw her arms around her mother in delighted relief.

 

“Oh, what wonderful news!” Shawn exclaimed in his thick Irish brogue as he turned to Caroline.  “Our boy is going to be all right Caroline!  He’s going to be all right!”

 

The waiting room broke into an excited riot of noise and motion then, with laughter and tears mingling with hugs and congratulations.  Marlena slipped away from Sami and Bo to find Eugene leaning against the wall with a smile on his lips.

 

“He’s going to be okay Gene,” she nodded, “it’s going to be okay.”

 

“You know all I ever wanted was for you to be happy,” he held her hands in his.

 

“He told me he loves me,” her happiness glittered in her eyes like a thousand burning stars.

 

“How could he not love you?” Q grinned, her happiness infectious.  “He’s a lucky man, I hope he appreciates you.”

 

“I’ll make sure he does,” Marlena pulled her hands from his and threw her arms around his neck.  Q held her close for a moment, suddenly swamped by memories.  Then, shaking his head, he moved back. 

 

“This is great news,” he nodded happily.  “Great news.”

 

 

******

 

 

Mike remained true to his word and Kristen had been out of John’s room in five minutes, but that five minutes had been almost more than John could stand.  Her fake tears and simpering happiness had a saccharine falseness that was cloying after the freshness that Marlena had brought to the room.

 

His pain and weariness had made it hard for him not to snap at her as she gushed about how happy she was that he was okay and how they were going to be so happy.  And it was all he could do not to hiss at her to leave him alone when she leaned over to kiss him.

 

Luckily, he hadn’t had to deal with any more of her pitiful posturing as Mike had chosen that moment to insist that she leave John to rest.  And then he had been left alone for his mind to wander. 

 

He could barely believe that Marlena had been there, let alone that she had said she loved him.  In his foggy state, he began to wonder if maybe he had dreamed it, his wishful thinking creating a hallucination of what he desperately wanted to happen.  He only wished he could remember what had happened to put him in this bed.  If he could remember that, maybe he could make sense of what was happening now. 

 

He lay staring at the ceiling, trying to will himself to remember, ignoring the nurses as they came to check on him.  The only person he was at all interested in seeing was Marlena, but she needed her rest too.  Or so Mike had said.  After all, she was pregnant, and she needed to take it easy. 

 

She’s pregnant…..  He closed his eyes in frustration.  He was missing something important.

 

Suddenly a flash came to him, an image of Kristen in a white dress followed by Marlena’s horrified expression.  He sucked in a ragged breath and moaned with the pain from his shoulder.   Damn!  He tried hard to grasp the fleeting memories, but they would not come and as he tried ever harder, he became more and more exhausted until finally, he slipped into a fitful sleep.

 

 

******

 

 

Juliet Tuckey looked at the two small children with a smile on her face.  Mike had briefed her on the situation before he had gone home for a well-deserved sleep, and she had been only too happy to help. 

 

They had enlisted the aid of the policeman on John’s door to keep Kristen out unless either one of them was informed and then they had ensured the blinds on the windows of John’s room were to be kept closed, to allow him to ‘rest without disturbance’.  All this would hopefully enable Marlena to spend as much time with John as she wanted without Kristen causing too much trouble.

 

Marlena’s first request had been that she be able to bring in John’s children to see him.

 

“They miss him so much,” she had explained in a slightly choked voice, “and I think it will do him good to see them.”  Juliet had agreed and now the angelic little tykes were standing in front of her, expectant expressions on their faces.

 

Taking Belle’s hand, she led the little girl down the corridor to ICU 7 while Marlena followed with Brady. Outside the door, Marlena crouched in front of the children

 

“Now, remember what I told you,” she said with a smile as she flipped Belle’s hair behind her shoulder, “Daddy will look a little bit different and he has some machines helping him, but he’s just fine and,” she pulled them to her in a hug, “he will be *so* happy to see you.”

 

John didn’t prove her a liar as they entered the room.  The beaming smile that spread across his face was enough for the children and they ran to the bed.

 

“Hi Dad,” Marlena greeted him with laughter, and she helped Belle up onto the bed.  On the other side, Juliet helped Brady climb up next to his father.  John shook his head speechlessly as he looked first at Marlena and then Brady and Belle.

 

“You two,” he lifted a hand and ran a finger down Belle’s cheek and then ruffled Brady’s hair, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful than the sight of you two.”  Looking up at Marlena, his eyes sparkled despite his pain.  “Well, maybe there is *something*.”

 

“We’s missed you Daddy,” Belle nodded with wide eyes.

 

“Oh, I missed you too baby,” John couldn’t help the tears that blurred his vision as he looked up at Marlena again.  “Thank you.”  It was simple but eloquent enough to convey the myriad of emotions he was feeling.  Marlena said nothing, just smiled as she brought her hands up, her fingers interlinked, and rested her lips against them. 

 

“What happened to you Daddy?” Brady asked with concern as he reached out and fingered the white gauze that dressed John’s wound.

“Well slugger,” he winked at the gorgeous little boy, “I just had me a little accident.  Nothing for you to get worried over, okay?”  Brady seemed unconvinced and John was suddenly struck with how much he looked like his mother.  Isabella.

 

I love her and she needs me.  I can’t walk away from her again

 

John shook his head disconcertedly as the words echoed from somewhere inside him.  Looking up at Marlena dazedly, he found her looking at him with concern.

 

“John, are you all right?” she moved to the side of the bed immediately.

 

Slowly, he nodded his head.

 

“Doc, we need to talk.”

 

“I want to see him, and I want to see him *now*!”  Kristen’s voice came muffled through the door and Marlena couldn’t help but roll her eyes.  That woman had impeccable timing.

 

“John is resting, and you do not see him unless *I* say so,” Juliet replied in a no-nonsense voice.  Kristen could threaten all she liked, but the tiny redhead was a strong woman and threats only strengthened her resolve.

 

“Well then, *say* so *now*.”  Kristen wasn’t about to back down.  “I have every right to see my fiancée.”

 

“Not when it could be detrimental to his recovery,’ Juliet returned in a low voice.  “You can argue all you like Mrs. DiMera, but you are not seeing John Black now and that is that.”

 

Marlena turned back to John and lay her hand on the top of Belle’s head.

 

“I don’t think now is a good time, honey.”

 

“No,” John grimaced his agreement.  He couldn’t believe it.  Every time he got close, Kristen was there, like a foul stench that wouldn’t go away.  “Just promise me you’ll come back soon.”

 

“As soon as I can,” Marlena’s promise was echoed in her smile.  “You just rest and get strong, okay?”

 

“Okay,” John nodded before kissing each of the children in turn.  “You two be good for Mom now all right?”

 

“Kay Daddy,” Belle nodded subduedly.  “You be good too ‘kay?”

 

“Okay sweetheart,” John watched with a grin as Marlena picked Belle up and settled her on her hip, seemingly not bothered by the gentle swell of her belly.  “Bye bye.”

 

He watched them go and then sank back into his pillows, ignoring the pain that lanced through him with each movement.  He hoped Marlena was true to her word and would come back soon.  He needed to talk to her, tell her how he felt.  She had to know that she and the children were the most important things in his life.  The best and most precious things he would ever have.  And if he had to tell her about the baby that Kristen was carrying, then so be it.  It was due in a little over a month and he figured the biggest danger was over now.  He was so tired of lying and sneaking around and most of all he was tired of hurting the one woman he really loved.

 

It was time to set the record straight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 94 – Admissions

 

 

Marlena walked down the corridor with her arms crossed in front of her.  Q walked a pace behind her, joining her in companionable silence. 

 

She had much to think about.  It had been several days since John had woken but he was still weak and between that and her backlog of work, she had not been able to spend much time with him.  Doctors, nurses or occasionally, Kristen had invariably interrupted any attempts at a serious conversation.

 

Meanwhile, at Roman’s request, she had been to see Carrie the morning after John had awoken.  True to Laura’s evaluation, she had found Carrie’s awareness disjointed, as though she seemed to be floating in and out of reality.  She had sat with the young woman for a while but despite Roman’s hopes, she had not seemed to engender any response.

 

Then, there was her own reaction.  Every time she looked at Carrie, her mind went automatically to that horrific moment at the Penthouse Grille and she could see the cruel steel pistol reflecting in Carrie’s eyes.  She knew she was wrong to feel this way.  It was not Carrie’s fault, it *couldn’t* be Carrie’s fault.  Something terrible had happened to her stepdaughter but they were not any closer to finding out what it was.  Still, she didn’t seem able to curb the involuntary churning in the pit of her stomach every time she saw Carrie or heard her name.

 

After Marlena’s first visit, Romy and Laura had become concerned as Carrie’s mental state began to deteriorate more rapidly.  When Marlena and Roman had returned the following day, Carrie was again asking why Austin was not there to see her.  When Marlena had tried gently to explain to her that Austin was dead, she seemed to slip off into a dream world.  That was until she saw a pale Sami standing in the doorway.  Raising a shaking finger, she pointed at her younger sister.

 

“It was her,” she accused in a shivering voice.  “She killed them both.”

 

“I….”  Sami’s eyes were wide as she looked at her parents and shook her head.  Then a small crease appeared in her brow as she looked back at Carrie.  “Carrie, I didn’t.  I’m so sorry.”

 

“You *DID*,” Carrie shrieked as tears coursed down her cheeks.  “It was *you*.” 

 

Suddenly though, her mind seemed to recoil like a rubber band that had been stretched far too far, and she found her memory of that night.  In her mind, she felt the cool mother of pearl and metal against the palm of her hand.  She heard the explosive shot and she felt the recoil of the deadly piece of metal in her hand.

 

“Oh God,” she whispered almost inaudibly.  “Oh God *no*.”

 

“Carrie?”  Marlena was at Carrie’s side immediately and she took Carrie’s frozen hand in her own, rubbing it gently.  “What’s wrong honey?”

 

Carrie’s face was a mask of terror as she looked up at her parents.

 

“It was me,” she squeaked.  “*I* killed them.  I killed them both.”

 

“No honey,” Marlena shook her head, trying to reassure Carrie.  “John’s not dead.  He’s all right.  He’s really all right.” 

 

Marlena raised her hand and pressed her index finger between her eyes, rubbing at the tense skin there as though trying to distinguish the unwelcome memory.  Her reassurances had done no good.  Those anguished words had been the last Carrie had spoken as her sanity had splintered, sinking her into catatonia.  She and Roman had been forced to stand by helplessly as Laura and Romy did everything they could to get through to Carrie.  But the succeeding days had proffered them no hope and Laura had eventually suggested gently that there was no more they could do for Carrie at this point.

 

Marlena’s eyes filled with tears at the thought of her beloved stepdaughter closed away in some sort of institution.  However, the realist in her accepted that they might be left with no other choice.

 

She sighed as she reached John’s room.

 

“Are you all right Marlena?” Gene asked with concern.  As hard as the shooting and its aftermath had been on her, the past few days with Carrie had been almost as hard and he could see that she was still exhausted.

 

“I’m fine Gene,” she turned to him and smiled.  “You have to stop worrying.  I’m not that fragile.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” he shrugged apologetically.  “It kind of goes with the territory.”

 

“And what territory would that be?” Marlena raised her eyebrows as she crossed her arms.

 

“The territory of being your friend.  Of caring about you.”  He shot her a benign smile.  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

 

“Oh Gene,” she took his hand in hers.  “You don’t.  You could never make me feel uncomfortable.  It’s just…..well, this is a complicated situation.”  She looked at him with a slight air of regret.  “Maybe I’m more worried about making you feel uncomfortable.  Of asking too much of you…. expecting too much.”

 

“Oh no,” Gene said quickly, shaking his head.  “You know I’d do anything for you.”

 

“Well, that’s rather what I’m afraid of,” she said quietly.  “I feel like I’ve already taken advantage of our friendship too much.  And given what’s happened between us, I don’t think that’s fair.”

 

“Look, you let me worry about what’s fair or not, okay?” Q told her firmly.  “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.  Now you go in and see that man of yours.  All right?”

 

“All right.” She squeezed his hand and nodded her acceptance.

 

Q watched her as she turned and acknowledged the policeman before she entered John’s room.  The truth was, as much as he was concerned about her, he was here for another reason.  Because if their conversation went as far as he suspected it might, he could well be called on to answer some difficult questions.  And account for some dubious decisions. 

 

He wasn’t particularly looking forward to it, but he was partly at fault for what had happened, and he felt he had a responsibility to live up to those mistakes.

 

He shook his head as he sank into a chair, ignoring the guard who was watching him.  He could barely believe he was staying around.  He had changed so much.  *She* had changed him so much.  He wasn’t surprised the Q were laughing at him.  Not that he particularly cared.  He rather liked this version of himself.  It might not be easy, but people actually *cared* for him, and that was probably more than he could say for most of the rest of his existence.  All those millions of years with no emotional attachments, all that freedom….. all that boredom. 

 

He was used to making people’s lives miserable, not trying to make them better.  This was somewhat of a new experience. 

 

But then, so was loving somebody.

 

 

******

 

 

“Doc?” John’s eyes lit up when he saw her enter the room.

 

“Hi honey,” her smile seem to lend a brilliance to everything around her.  It was as though when she was present, everything seemed more alive to John.  More *real*.  “How are you feeling?”

 

She sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, but she didn’t touch him.  There seemed to be an unspoken agreement between the two of them that intimacy had to wait.  At least until they had had a chance to talk.  Lack of communication had been their undoing so many times.  It seemed their physical and emotional closeness had often overwhelmed their attempts at communication, and they hadn’t worked at it as they should.  This time they were determined not to make the same mistakes.

 

“Uh, well, I guess I feel a little better.”  John started to shrug as a matter of habit, but he couldn’t hide his grimace as he was forced to stop, a little too late.  He gave a rueful smile in reply to Marlena’s concerned expression.  “Yeah, it still hurts Doc.  But they dose me up with painkillers when it gets too bad.”

 

“Oh,” Marlena nodded trying not to let her discomfort get the better of her.  She had been waiting for this moment for so long.  Maybe even longer than she realized but she knew it wasn’t going to be a short, or an easy talk.  And she had no idea where to even start.  She usually felt so comfortable around John.  He knew her so well; he could often read her thoughts before she even knew them herself.  Well, he had at one time.  And for all the awkward moments in the last few months, she wasn’t sure she had ever felt as nervous and tense with him and she did now.

 

“Hey Doc,” he said softly as he reached out and lay a hand over her balled fist.  She was so tense she was almost shaking, and he was worried.  “What is it?  C’mon, you can tell me.”  Suddenly a thousand other conversations that had started in this way flashed through her mind.  Times when she wanted to tell him how she felt, but lost her courage, believing he no longer cared for her.  Times she had seen him with Kristen and almost died inside when she realized again just how much she really loved him.  She couldn’t let anything more come between them.  It was time to put an end to the fear and the misunderstandings.

 

“Marlena, is there something wrong?”  John began to get nervous when she remained silent.  “Honey, is it the kids…?”

 

“Oh no,” Marlena looked at him and shook her head with a hint of a smile, “it’s nothing like that.  The kids are just fine.”

 

“Well then what is it?”  Her fingers unfurled under his touch and he gathered up her hand between his own.  “You know, after everything…..” his voice was raspy and she knew exactly the magnitude of what he was implying, “I can hardly believe you’re even here.  I must…”

 

“John, please,” Marlena held up her free hand, asking him to stop.  “There’s something I need to say to you.  Something I should have said a long time ago.”  She pressed her lips together and looked into his questioning eyes.  Finally, she spoke again in a soft voice.  “I should have told you, but I let my anger and my pride get in the way.”

 

She looked down at his hands and took a deep breath, trying to bring some semblance of calm to her voice.

“I…. I realized when you were in surgery….I knew that I might lose you…. forever,” she pressed her lips together in an effort to keep the tears at bay but after a moment, she lost the struggle.  “I….. I felt as though part of me was dying with just the thought,” she looked up at him, her hazel eyes glowing like molten amber, “that I might never…..see you again.”

 

“Hey Doc,” he was infinitely tender as he lifted one of his hands and used gentle fingers to wipe away her falling tears.  “It’s okay.  I’m fine, you don’t need to think about it anymore.”

 

“No,” she shook her head, her chin trembling, “it’s not okay, don’t you see?  It shouldn’t take something like this to make me be honest with myself, and with you.”  She sniffed and closed her eyes.  “I….” She spoke slowly, “I let my *pride* and my fear get in the way of honesty…. and I realized that …. if I never had a chance…..to tell you the truth…..I could never forgive myself.”

 

“Doc,” John shook his head in frustration.  He hated to see her beating herself up over things that she had no control over.  “Baby, we’ve both made mistakes.  I know I’ve made more than I could ever make up for.  But we can’t let the guilt hold us hostage any longer.  It’s in the past.  What’s important is that we are here now and we’re being honest.”

 

“What’s important,” Marlena’s voice was low and husky and she tightened her fingers around his as she looked at him intently, “is that we stop making the same mistakes we have made over and over.”

 

John nodded slowly.  She was right.  They had to be open and honest with their feelings this time.  It was the only way they could be sure not to misunderstand and make assumptions.

 

“So, what is it Marlena?”  His voice was so gentle and loving it made her want to start weeping again.  “Tell me what you’re feeling.”

 

“I….” Her voice faltered.  Somehow, those small three words didn’t cut it this time.  She had to make him understand.  Completely.  “I guess I should have learnt my lesson huh?” her sad smile was tinged with the regret of hindsight.  “All those years……we wasted *so* much time John.”  She shook her head and her brow creased between her eyes, just as it had in a thousand dreams that John had dreamed about her.  “Honey…. I was just so hurt, it ….it hurt so bad…..” she shook her head.  “I think it was just easier to convince myself I didn’t care anymore.”  He could see the remnants of the pain in her eyes, and he suddenly felt it in his own soul, as though he was experiencing her agony first hand and it almost took his breath away. 

 

He opened his mouth to apologize, to try and make her understand his distress over hurting her, but before he could say anything, she pressed her fingers to his lips.

 

“Please,” she begged, “let me finish.”  He nodded, understanding that she needed to do this.  For herself and for the both of them.

 

“I was wrong John.” Her eyes brightened to a warm honey color.   “I thought I could ignore it and it would go away.  But the fact is,” she glanced down and then looked up at him from under lush eyelashes, “it never went away.  It’s never *going* to go away.”  She looked down at the hand that was curled around hers and she marveled at just how wonderful it felt just to touch him again.  “What I’m trying to say….” her eyes swept up his body, flickering over every muscle, every familiar line until she met his expectant gaze. “Oh John, I love you so.”  She felt the tears fill her eyes again but this time she did nothing to stop them falling.  “I tried to forget, tried to ignore how I feel but it’s overwhelming, it’s consuming.”  She shook her head, barely noticing that tears were falling from his cerulean eyes too.  “I can’t stop loving you.”  Her voice broke as she spoke, long choked emotions spilling out of her fast and true.  “I don’t want to try any more.  I don’t want to hurt any more.  I….”

 

“Sweetheart,” John’s voice was hoarse with emotion as he tugged on her hand.  He had pushed himself into a sitting position and he was now able to reach out to her.  “You don’t have to hurt anymore,” he tucked a strand of hair behind her air and then with shaking fingers, he swept the tears from under one hazel eye and then the other.  “You don’t have to pretend….” His voice shook almost as hard as his hand as he cupped her cheek with his palm.  “Oh baby, I love you more than I could ever say.  I love you more than anyone has any right to love.  You’re in my heart and you’re in my very soul, Marlena.”  In the same way she had, he had to make sure she understood.  That there was no doubt in her mind as to how much she meant to him.  “I’ve made some very bad mistakes.  I’ve let myself lose sight of the one thing I really needed in my life.”  Her tears were still falling and gently he swept them away with the pads of his thumbs, even as he felt his own tremble on the cusp of his cheek.  “I probably don’t deserve you Marlena…. but baby, I just can’t live without you.  I’ve tried and I’m just miserable.  There’s no-one else for me.  There never could be.”

 

Marlena felt almost breathless as he spoke.  She had longed to hear him tell her he loved her for so long but the desperation and the sincerity in his eyes and in his voice touched her to her soul. 

 

A smile trembled on her lips, and John lifted his fingers and brushed them across the warm sensitive skin.  Marlena closed her eyes and her breath caught as she felt his touch thrill through her body.  And then, unexpectedly, she felt the baby flutter within her, and her eyes snapped open. 

 

“Doc?  What is it?”  John was immediately worried.  Had he said something he shouldn’t have?  Had he gone too far?

 

“There’s something else I need to tell you.”  He was so close that she could almost taste him and urge to feel his lips crushing against hers almost overcame her.  Yet she knew they had so much further to go yet.

 

“What is it sweetheart?”  John was struggling with the same desires as Marlena, but he could not do anything unless he was sure she was ready and wanted it too.

 

Marlena swallowed; unsure how prepared John was to hear the truth.  Still, there was no easy way to break it.

 

“This baby,” she looked down at her swelling belly and dropped her hand over it.  “Honey, it’s *not* Eugene’s baby.”  Looking up at him, she saw the surprise slowly register on his face.  “It’s *your* baby.”

 

“*My*…..?” John was speechless for a moment as he looked at her bewilderedly.  “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean,” she couldn’t help the small smile that curved her lips at his perplexity, “that it’s *your* baby.”  She caught his hands up with hers and swept her thumbs over the back of his fingers, feeling the familiar roughness against her skin.  “That night we made love just five months ago, we conceived a child.”  Another beautiful, loved child.  “But I didn’t realize until recently that I was pregnant.  Otherwise…” her voice softened with repentance, “I would have told you straight away.”

 

“But you didn’t tell me,” John was still trying to make sense of the fact that this was his child.  *His* baby.

 

“I tried to,” there was no recrimination in her voice, but he saw the echo of pain in her eyes, and he suddenly feared what she might say next.  “The day I came up to see you in the loft.  You thought I was there to tell you that Gene and I were together….” her voice faded as she saw comprehension cloud his eyes.

 

“You were coming to tell me you were pregnant?”  In his mind, he could still hear the horrible, scathing words he had used against her, and he could still see the pain and anger, smoldering hot in her eyes.  Marlena said nothing, simply nodded.  “Oh Doc,” John sighed heavily, “I….”

 

“It’s okay,” she was gentle, she didn’t need to add to the punishment he was meting out on himself.

 

“No baby,” he shook his head, “It’s not okay.”

 

“Yes, it is,” she squeezed his hands with her fingers, “we were both hurting.  We *both* said things we shouldn’t have.” She shrugged and then, letting go of one hand she reached out to smooth a stray bit of hair away from his forehead.  “You know, we’re just people, John.  We do stupid things sometimes.”

 

John looked at her dubiously.

 

“I’m sorry, Doc,” he said finally.  “I never should have said those things.  I was way out of line…”  He coughed slightly and the pain caught in his chest, burning him with a flaring pain.  Marlena started with concern, but he muted her with a quick wave of his hand.  Finally, he was able to relax and he continued with his explanation.  “It was just that the thought of you with someone else in your life was just too hard for me.  It hurt so much, and I lashed out at you.  The one person I shouldn’t have.”

 

“We *both* did that,” Marlena reminded him.

 

“It’s *my* baby?” It hit him again, but he still couldn’t entirely comprehend it.  He looked at the beautiful bump that swelled her stomach and then his eyes traveled up to meet hers.

 

“Mmm-hmmm,” she nodded, and her smile glistened in her eyes.

 

“But Eugene….?”  John had to get this straight in his head.

 

“Honey,” in her head Marlena tried to find the best way of explaining to him what had happened.  “I’m a little over five months pregnant.    It *has* to be your baby.  It couldn’t be anyone else’s.  Gene and I,” she paused, not wanting to hurt John.  But these were things that needed to be spoken about before the healing could begin.  “Well, our relationship didn’t start until….” She thought back, “I suppose it was the middle of February.”

 

“February?”  John looked surprised.  February was….. when he had gone to New York.  Marlena nodded.  “It didn’t last very long.  It ended when I discovered I was pregnant in early March.  It was only a few weeks.”

 

“Why Doc?” his question was quiet, and she could see the thought of it still hurt him.  Just as the thought of seeing him with Kristen still hurt her.  “Why did you sleep with him?”  His tone wasn’t confrontational at all, but she felt the adrenaline racing through her body.  Here was the conversation she had been dreading.

 

“It’s not important,” she heard her own voice saying words she hadn’t intended to say.  Her instinct for self-preservation had kicked in, the thought of discussing that night too painful to confront.

 

“It’s important to *me* Marlena,” he sounded hurt, and she flinched inwardly.  “I… I’d thought maybe we had a chance until I saw…..” he stopped abruptly, not voicing the thoughts and images that floated in his head.  Maybe she was right, maybe they shouldn’t go here.  But it seemed that his words ensured that they were going to go there.

 

“We had a chance?” she seemed confused and more than a little angry.  “How can you *say* that?  If it wasn’t for you taking Kristen back, I never would have slept with Gene.”

 

“Taking Kristen back?”  It was John’s turn to do a double take as the astonishment registered in his eyes.  “What on earth are you talking about Doc?” 

 

Marlena pulled her hands from his and edged back from him, her lips pressed together.

 

“The night….” She blinked rapidly, trying to regain her composure and she folded her arms, as though to ward off the pain of the memory.  “All your gifts arrived.”  Her voice was shaking again as she relived it in her mind. 

 

“The missing ones……  The card……the deed to the plane….” she looked away, cursing herself for being so weak.  “I….. I got all dressed up and Caroline came to mind the children,” she couldn’t even look at him and she hated that the thought of that night could still bring her to tears.  “I came… I drove to you building.  But when I came up, the door to the loft was open….” her eyes closed, and she could see it in her mind.  Every movement, every word, as vividly as if she were watching it all over again.  “You were with *her*,” her had dropped to barely a whisper, “you were….. talking to the baby.”  She could hear his words even now and the betrayal that she felt had not lessened over time. 

 

I love you and I love your Momma.  She’s…..  Well, you’ll find out baby.  When you are born, you, me and your Momma, we’ll be a real family.

 

John looked at her in shock.  The memory of that night was emblazoned in his mind as much as it was in hers.  But surely, he must be wrong.  *She* must be wrong.  She hadn’t been there that night.  She couldn’t have been.  He would have known.

 

Suddenly, he remembered the strawberry charm he had found in the elevator on his way to the penthouse and then, something else he had forgotten completely.  The scent of her perfume had been in his loft that night.  He had thought it to be simply his imagination.

 

He felt sick as he looked at her pained eyes.  He knew exactly what she was talking about, and it was all becoming apparent with a horrible, sickening clarity. 

 

“Doc,” his voice was hoarse as he looked at her, the shock etched clearly across his face.  She wanted to tell him it was okay, it didn’t matter, but damnit, it *did* matter.  The pain was still too raw even after all this time and she could not hide her anguish at his treachery.  So, she said nothing, just stared at him mutely.  What was there to say after all?

 

John stared back, still in shock.  Of *course* she had thought he was taking Kristen back.  Why should she think any different?  No-one had told her a thing.  After everything else that he had done to her, why should she even question it?

 

“Oh Doc,” he groaned.

 

“Well,” her chin quivered as she tried to hold back her tears.  “That’s why.”  She was silent for a moment but still John said nothing.  No explanations, no apologies.  Nothing.  “Can’t you understand how that made me feel?” she demanded suddenly, feeling anger flood through her at John’s seeming disinterest.  “I….. I felt as though my world had crashed around my ears.  I felt as though it were the end of my world, John, and Gene was the one who got me through that.  He kept me sane.”

 

Gene.  Eugene who knew the truth.  John’s heart tightened with a multitude of emotions as he looked at her.  The tears had left her lashes spiky while her eyes burned with honesty and a violated love that made him feel lower than he could ever have imagined.

 

“Sweetheart,” it was a whisper and it curled around her, drawing her back to him.  “Baby,” his concern and distress echoed in the furrows around his eyes, “I am *so* sorry that you saw that.  If I had known….”

 

“What?” she shrugged her shoulders trying not to let her bitterness show.  “What difference would that have made?  Maybe you could explain this to me John because I just don’t understand it.  I don’t understand any of it.”

 

“All right,” John nodded slowly.  “I’ll explain it.  But it’s not what you’re expecting to hear, so I need you to just bear with me.”

 

He thought for a moment about reaching out to take her hand in his, but her body language was screaming for him to stay away from her and in a sense, he couldn’t blame her.

 

“After….. after that night, when you threw me out,” he said in a low, choked voice as he looked down at the cotton bedcover, “after I read your journal, I couldn’t even *stand* the sight of Kristen.”  He looked up at the woman he loved, willing her to listen, to really listen and understand.  “I went to see her though and I demanded to know why she did what she did.  Doc…. I…. I just couldn’t see her and not think of all the pain she put you through.”  I still can’t, he added wordlessly.  “But she started miscarrying the baby and it wasn’t until later that we discovered that she had been carrying twins and that she’d lost one of them.”

 

Marlena looked mildly surprised but confused as to how this had led to her seeing John kneeling in front of Kristen at the loft.  Or at least how it might mitigate that.

 

“At that point Eugene suggested to me that the parentage of this child might not be as Kristen claimed.”

 

“Gene did?” now she really was surprised.  She knew how Gene had felt about John at that point in time and she hadn’t even been aware that they had discussed anything, let alone Kristen’s baby.

 

“Yeah, he made it his business to get pretty involved,” John nodded, “I think, looking back, he was trying to help.  I suppose he did help in a way.”

 

“So?” she still didn’t see exactly how this was supposed to constitute an explanation of what she had seen.  At least not an explanation that she wanted to hear.

 

“So, once Mike was sure the baby was out of danger, I asked Kristen to have a DNA test to confirm paternity of the baby.”  He leaned back against the pillows, the emotion and intensity of this discussion taking its toll. “I was sure that the baby wasn’t mine and that once I found out for sure I’d be free of Kristen’s claim to me.  I thought about telling you, but I decided to wait until I got the results.”

 

“But the baby was yours.”  Marlena continued his monologue for him, her voice dull.  She didn’t even know why he was insisting on telling her this.  She just didn’t want to hear it.   “I guess it must have been pretty emotional for you.”

 

“The baby was mine yes,” he nodded, “but something really odd came up in the test results, Marlena.  They re-ran them just to be sure.”  Marlena heard the hint of excitement in his voice, and it whetted her curiosity. 

 

“What kind of odd?” she shrugged her shoulders.

 

“None of us could work it out.  *My* DNA profile matched the baby’s, but Kristen’s *didn’t*.”

 

Marlena leaned back slightly and regarded him as though he had just some out with something totally insane.  Which in her estimation, he had.

 

“You’re trying to tell me that that baby Kristen is carrying is *your* baby, but it’s not hers?” she looked disbelieving then, like he was trying to pull a fast one on her.

 

“I *swear* Doc,” John’s enthusiasm seemed almost out of place for a moment, “ask Mike if you need to.  He’ll confirm it.”

 

Marlena continued to stare at him for several long moments and John wasn’t sure that she didn’t think he had gone totally around the bend.

 

“But if it’s not….” her brow furrowed again, “then who…..?”

 

John said nothing, but he couldn’t help the stupid grin that flickered at the corner of his lips.  Marlena’s eyes widened slightly, and she sat up.

 

“No….” she shook her head unequivocally.

 

John’s smile broadened.

 

“No….” she shook her head again.  “No, John.  You must be wrong.”  She stared at him as though suddenly he might admit that this was all just a terrible joke.  But there was no admission forthcoming.  She began to shake her head again, trying to convince him that he was wrong, that he *must* be wrong.  “There’s just no possible way…..”

 

“It’s true Doc…” John raised his eyebrows as he nodded his confirmation.  “The baby is *ours*.  Yours and mine.”

 

“It *can’t* be.”  She shook her head wildly, trying to blot out his words.  She felt as though her world were spinning.  But crookedly, as though somehow with several tiny words, it had simply toppled off its axis.

 

“Baby, I know it’s hard to understand,” John reached out and covered her hand with his.  She flinched, but he was gratified to find that this time, she did not pull away.  “I don’t really understand the mechanics of it myself….”

 

“But why would Kristen….?”  Marlena shook her head.  It was crazy.  It made no sense.

 

“Honey, she doesn’t know,” John told her patiently.  “That’s partly the point.  She has no idea that this baby is yours.  She thinks it’s hers and mine and that it’s going to make us a family.”

 

“But how…?” her hazel eyes pleaded with him to give her something solid.  Something that made sense, that would place her on terra firma again.

 

“I don’t really know,” John said gently, “Eugene explained it as some weird alternate universe cosmic crossover.  I don’t really understand but Doc, we’re talking about a guy who can appear and disappear out of thin air.  I don’t really think we can afford to have a closed mind here.”

 

Creases furrowed her brow and Marlena felt another headache settle in behind her eyes.  She was a doctor, a scientist and this was simply insane.  She shouldn’t believe it.  But then should she had have disbelieved it when she opened her eyes to find herself on top of the Empire State Building several months ago?

 

“So when…..” the impetus of her sentence faded as her thoughts drifted to that night at the loft.  If the baby that Kristen carried, as absurd as it seemed, was actually *hers*…..  She looked up at John with wide eyes.

 

John nodded, heavy with regret.  This was so hard, knowing that the sorrow and pain of the past few months could have been so easily avoided.

 

“Oh.”  Her shoulders dropped and she turned from him, her eyes swimming with dammed tears.

 

“Doc,” his voice was almost like a caress, and she felt his fingers whisper over hers before he grasped her hand, “if I had only known…”

 

All that time….

 

Marlena shook her head, a tear tracing over her cheek.  He hadn’t been talking about Kristen at all.  He had been talking about *her*.  About the family that he wanted to make with Belle and Brady and *her*.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered miserably.  “John, all that *time*……why didn’t you *tell* me?”

 

“I wanted to.  Oh, baby,” John shook his head sharing her pain at the hand that they both now realized fate had dealt them and the part they themselves had played in it.  “You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you.”

 

“Well then why *didn’t* you?” she slapped his hand away angrily feeling suddenly as though she had a new and different kind of betrayal to come to terms with.  “My God John, that’s *my* baby and you didn’t even think that I might want to *know*?”

 

“That wasn’t how it was,” he said with an intensity that almost surprised her.

 

“It wasn’t?” she wasn’t going to let him unsettle her that easily.  “Well, how was it John?  Did you do it on purpose or could you just not be *bothered* telling me?”  Another though came to her mind, and she voiced it immediately, lashing out at him in her anger and confusion.  “*When* were you going to tell me?  Were you even going to tell me at all?

 

“Of course I was,” he shot back, amazed that she would even think such a thing.

 

“What?  When you put the baby in my arms?  Oh, by the way Marlena, this baby isn’t Kristen’s, it’s yours.”  She turned away bitterly.  “That’s quite some fait accompli.”

 

“Oh Doc I….” He shook his head sadly.  She was right, he wasn’t even sure when he had been intending to tell her.  She had every right to the devastation she felt right now.  It was just another way he had failed her.

 

Marlena waited for his denial, but it didn’t come.  As quickly as she had realized that all the pain they had been through in the last few months had been for nothing, her misery had transmuted swiftly into anger.  It was *her* baby.  As unlikely as it seemed, she had a right to know and they had kept it from her.  Deliberately it seemed.  He and Gene.

 

Her heart sank even lower as she contemplated the thought of Eugene knowing the truth.  He had known this whole time.  He had made love to her knowing that Kristen carried her child.  How could he do that to her?  He had told her that he wanted to help her, he wanted to be her friend….. but how could a friend *do* that?

 

“Why don’t you tell me how it was John?” she suddenly turned to him, “or even better, why don’t we get Eugene in here and *he* can tell us how it was.”

 

“Marlena-” John had his own reasons to be angry at Eugene, but he wasn’t at all sure he wanted to include his erstwhile competitor in this conversation. 

 

Marlena, it seemed, had other thoughts as she was already at the door.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 95 – The Why’s That Bind

 

 

Gene looked up as he heard the door open, and he felt his stomach churn as Marlena glared at him.  John had told her the truth, and now it was his turn to pay the piper.  And looking at her, he didn’t know if he was going to make it through this in one piece.

 

Following her into the room, he turned around as she slammed the door behind her.

 

“Well?” she demanded without prevarication, her hands on her hips.

 

“M-Marlena, I….” Words failed him and he was suddenly struck by how much she reminded him of the ‘old’ Marlena, the one he had known in his previous incarnation as Eugene Bradford in the early 1980’s.  She had terrified him on occasion then and the fury that burned in her eyes was frightening him now.

 

“Marlena, don’t you think -” John tried to interrupt.

 

“No John,” she waved his words away, “I want to hear what Eugene has to say on this matter.  I want to know why when he claimed over and over that he wanted to be my friend and he wanted to help, that the one thing he *didn’t* do, was tell me the *truth*.  I want to know why he didn’t think I would be interested to know that Kristen was carrying *my* baby.”

 

“We thought it was best…” Q offered lamely.

 

“*Best*?  Best for *whom* Eugene?” she asked sharply, the thought of his deception feeding her bitterness. 

 

“Maybe it worked out best for *you*, but it certainly wasn’t best for me.  Or John.”

 

“That’s hardly fair Marlena,” Q countered, red-faced at her implication.

 

“Fair?  Oh please don’t talk to me about what’s *fair*,” she sounded highly exasperated.  “I found John talking to what I *thought* was Kristen’s baby, I heard him tell it that he loved it’s mother and that they were going to be a family.  Then I came home, and you took me to bed Eugene.  So please don’t quote *fairness* to me.”

 

“You *what*?” Q felt as though he’d been kicked in the stomach.  That wasn’t how it had happened…. it wasn’t how she had *told* him it had happened.   She had told him that she and John had broken up.  For good.  He had assumed…. well he wasn’t sure what he had assumed.  Maybe he had chosen just not to think about it too carefully.  But if he had known the truth…

 

John watched the exchange silently.  He had plenty of his own reasons to be furious at Eugene, but he could see that the man was genuinely shocked, and more than that, he was devastated at the thought that he had hurt the woman he loved.  John could read the expression like he was looking in a mirror and he almost felt sorry for the guy.

 

“Doc, why don’t you give him a break,” John suggested, not at all sure that he wanted to hear the rest of this discussion. “You know, he made a mistake.  We both did.”

 

Marlena completely ignored John and continued to glower in Q’s direction.

 

“You *said* you were my friend Gene.  You said you loved me, that you wanted me to be happy.”

 

“It’s true, all of it was…. *is* true,” he tried to reassure her.

 

“Then *why* did you lie to me?  I trusted you.  How could you make love to me and know that John was only with Kristen because of *my* baby?”  Struggling with her emotions, she turned her back on him.

 

“It wasn’t like that Marlena,” Q took a step towards her, “If I had known about what happened with John, I would have told you the truth.  You *have* to believe me.”

 

“*Why* do I have to believe you?” she turned back to him, betrayal white-hot in her eyes.  “You *knew* how much I loved John, how much I wanted to be with him.”  Her anger crumbled as she faced him, and tears filled her eyes.  She was so tired, so damn tired of feeling like this.  “I don’t understand Gene.”

 

“You told me that you and John had broken up and you refused to elaborate.  I tried to ask you what had happened, but you refused to talk about it.”  She could hear the earnestness in his voice and it tempered Marlena’s anger as she listened. 

 

“I know I was selfish, but Marlena I *never* meant to hurt you.  It was the last thing I ever wanted.” Q could hear the desperation in his own voice, but he didn’t care.  All of a sudden, he was faced with the very real prospect that through his own stupid, selfish actions, he might have lost Marlena’s friendship forever.  And he couldn’t bear the thought of that.  “I didn’t want…. I only wanted to help you.  I tried….. I really tried not to take advantage of….” he petered out, aware that John was listening to their every word and suddenly realizing that if he went much further he might well compromise Marlena in front of the man she loved.

 

Marlena turned slowly to look at him and the wretchedness in his eyes sparked a memory of that night.

 

“Please Marlena,” the words tumbled out almost too quickly, as if he had been rehearsing them in his head.  “I don’t want your pity.  Really, I can handle anything but that.”

 

Marlena’s expression became serious as, in an intimate gesture, she smoothed the hair at his temple.

“Oh Eugene,” she whispered with a hint of a smile.  “I don’t *pity* you.”  She stared straight into his eyes as she spoke the truth that came from her heart.  “I *want* you.”

 

She contemplated him for a moment and then her expression softened.  The reminder of what had happened that night made her realize that he was telling the truth.  He hadn’t done this on purpose.  He was right, she hadn’t told him exactly what had happened with John and he *had* tried to help her.  He’d even tried ever so briefly to resist her when she had decided what she wanted but she had made that next to impossible for him.  She really couldn’t blame him for that.

 

Sighing, she turned around to face him.

 

“I’m sorry Gene,” she said slowly, her voice betraying her emotional exhaustion, “I shouldn’t have said those things.  You’re right, I was being unfair.”  Wearily, she pushed the hair back from her face.  “But I *still* don’t understand why neither of you told me about the baby.  You could have saved us all a lot of pain if only you’d been honest”

 

“We wanted to tell you,” Gene offered quietly.  “But the big problem was that we already knew that Kristen was unbalanced, and we knew how much of a threat she could pose.”

 

“I knew you’d want to know about the baby,” John added, “but Doc my first priority had to *be* the baby.”  He smoothed the covers on his bed, entreating her to come and sit down next to him.  However, she remained where she was, waiting to hear the explanation before she made any concessions.

 

John nodded wordlessly and then continued.

 

“Honey, can you imagine Kristen’s reaction once she finds out the baby that she thinks is going to bind us together is not hers?  Can you imagine her rage and who she might take it out on?”  He shook his head, the thoughts too distressing to dwell on for too long.  “I couldn’t risk that.  I couldn’t take the chance that she might find out and try and harm the baby.”

 

Marlena was silent for a moment, digesting his words.

 

“All right,” she yielded, “I do understand that.”  She could see his point but she didn’t think it was entirely valid, “but you have to know I never would have done *anything* that would have put my baby at risk.”

 

“Sweetheart, can you imagine watching Kristen, every moment of every day, knowing everything she’s doing could affect your baby?” John asked gently.  “Can you imagine seeing her pick up a glass of wine or hearing her talk about hiring a nanny?  Can you imagine it, and then can you tell me definitively that you could stand back and do or say absolutely nothing to her?”

 

Marlena was silent as she stared at him.  She wanted so much to tell him that he was wrong, that she was stronger than that.  But she couldn’t.

 

“Baby, I know you so well.”  He tried to sit up straighter but gasped with the pain that lanced through his side.  Forgetting her bad humor, Marlena moved to his side and gently held him until the pain had passed.  Then she helped him reposition so that he was comfortable. 

 

With a shaking hand, John reached out and brushed his fingers down Marlena’s cheek.  “I know how much you love your children.  I know what lengths you would go to for them,” he shrugged.  “Maybe you’re right, maybe I should have told you, trusted that you could keep it from her.  But I just couldn’t risk that chance that she could find out.  Although,” the expression on her face almost broke his heart, “if I had known the pain it could cause you, baby I would have taken that risk.  I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry for everything, for all the pain I’ve caused you….”  He didn’t know what else to say.  There was no number of apologies that would turn back the clock and undo the hurt and betrayal.

 

“I’m sorry too,” her chin trembled as she spoke.  “If I….” She felt slightly dizzy, and she couldn’t organize her thoughts into a coherent train. 

 

“There’s something else you need to know Doc,” his expression sobered even more if that was at all possible.  “I…. after I saw you and Eugene…..” he looked over at Q who was leaning against the wall, looking as though he’d rather be anywhere but here.  Catching John’s glance, Q motioned to the door and nodded.  He would wait outside until Marlena wanted to talk to him again.  John waited until he was gone before he continued.

 

“Well I….I didn’t know what to do.  So I just ran.  I drove until I found myself in New York.”

 

“New York?” Marlena had a sinking feeling, and her mind echoed his words even before he spoke them. 

 

“I saw you there.  The two of you, in the park.”  She recognized the look in his eyes.  It was the same agony she had seen in her own so many times.

 

“John I…” she shook her head.  How much had he seen?  What had he heard?  She had never wanted to hurt him like that.  She knew only too well what it cost.

 

“Hey,” he tried to smile, to deny the pain simmering in his heart, “I guess I deserved everything I got huh?” 

 

Marlena pressed her lips together and shook her head.  She couldn’t bear this, to know that she had hurt him so badly.

 

“John, I never meant for that to happen.  Any of it.  I never meant to hurt you.  Not like that.” 

 

“Oh baby,” he hadn’t told her to make her feel guilty.  That was the last thing he wanted.  He caught her hand up in his, “I know.  I know.”

 

“No, you don’t know.  You *don’t*.”  There was no way he could know how absolutely wretched she felt right now.  She looked at him and caught a spark of something in his eye.  Or was there?

 

“Marlena, I look back on the last few years and I just wonder how I could have been so blind.  How I could not have seen what was right there in front of me.  And I think about every time I ever touched that woman and then turned around to find you standing there and I want to die.  I feel like I dirtied something precious and pure by trying to deny our love.  I know I hurt you over and over and I feel like I can never be worthy of you because I didn’t have the courage to fight for you and our love.”  The words came pouring out and John almost surprised himself at the depth of passion in them.  “What you did was nothing compared to what I put you through.  I know that.  I deserved to experience some of the same pain.  Maybe I couldn’t really have understood the extent of what you suffered unless I suffered some of the same.”

 

“That doesn’t make it *right* John,” Marlena’s voice was husky with emotion.  “That doesn’t excuse what I did.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t have to apologize-”

 

“All right,” he cut in, “I understand what you’re saying, and we can discuss this later.  But right now, there’s more that you have to understand about Kristen and the baby.”  He continued before she could say anything more.  “You’re right, I was hurt.  I didn’t understand what I was hearing, and I didn’t want to understand it.  So, I flew back to Salem and took the kids away.  And that was wrong of me, and we can discuss that later too.  But the point I’m trying to get to is, while I was away Doc,” he slowed down, giving her time to digest his words, “Kristen tried to take her own life.”

 

Marlena wasn’t entirely sure she could deal with this new information.  She was having enough trouble coping with what John had already revealed.

 

“She tried to kill herself?” she whispered tremulously.

 

“She took a bottle of tranquilizers and then left a message on my machine,” John studied the backs of Marlena’s hand as he stroked his thumb over her lightly tanned skin, “luckily Peter found her in enough time that they could clear most of the drugs out of her system, but she was very depressed.  Mike was worried that the moment she was released from hospital she would try to kill herself again.  And the next time she might have succeeded.”

 

“Oh no,” Marlena’s voice was raised barely above a whisper.  As much as she hated Kristen for what she had done to her family, Marlena was still a compassionate woman and the thought of anyone suffering so much that they wanted to end their own life elicited some sympathy.  “Couldn’t Mike do something?”

“He outlined the options,” John looked up at her, and she saw the turmoil that he had been through echo in his eyes, “he couldn’t commit her for anything but very short term, he didn’t like the idea of medicating her because of the alcohol and tranquilizers she had already ingested, so….” he paused uncertain how to continue.

 

“That was why she was in the hospital,” Marlena realized, her thoughts running along their own lines.

 

“Peter didn’t want anybody to know why so I couldn’t tell you,” he squeezed her hand, “I *did* want to Marlena.”  She nodded her comprehension of what he must have been through those few trying days.  “Mike concluded that Kristen’s depression stemmed from our break-up,” he continued, “she had lost all hope that we might get back together,” he looked up at Marlena regretfully, “I was pretty nasty to her when I came back from New York.”  He took a deep breath and flinched once again with the pain.

 

“Honey,” Marlena lifted her hand to his face in concern, “if you’re too tired, we can finish this later.”

 

“*No*,” his eyes flew open, and he grabbed her hand, “I won’t let there be anything left unspoken between us Marlena.  Not again.  I love you too much to take any more chances.”  Marlena’s eyes filled with tears, and she gave him a watery smile.

 

“Anyway,” John continued somberly, “Mike felt that the only option left to us was to give Kristen something to hold onto.”

 

“You,” Marlena finished for him. 

 

John nodded, hating the sadness in her eyes, knowing that he had put it there.  Softly, his fingers skimmed up her arm and then his palm cupped her cheek.

“You don’t know how much I agonized over that decision,” he whispered.  “Even though I knew you were with Eugene, I still knew how much it would kill you know find out I was back with her.”

 

“But I already thought you were,” Marlena told him dully.

 

“I realize that now,” he nodded.  “I just never could have forgiven myself if our baby died because of something I didn’t do.  Something I could have done.”

 

“Of course you had to do it,” Marlena covered his hand with hers, loving the roughness on her cheek, “*I* know that now.”

 

“It was the hardest thing I ever had to do Doc,” he told her.  “But it worked.  The baby is out of danger now.”

 

“Was it….” she faltered, “was our baby affected when she….”

 

“Honey, they don’t really know,” he shook his head, “all the tests they could do came up clear.  The baby seems to be okay, but it is very small for eight months.  The doctors want Kristen to try and go as long as she can before giving birth, so she’s been resting.”

 

“John,” Marlena suddenly looked at him askance, “how much do you remember of the night you came in here?”  John was silent for a moment, and he dropped his hand from her face, twisting it so he held her hand in his.

 

“Not a whole lot, Doc,” he admitted, “I’ve been trying to remember but it’s real hazy.  I tried to find out from one of the nurses, but they weren’t saying a whole lot.”

 

“Oh honey,” she shifted on the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position, “Kristen hadn’t been resting.  She’d put together a big party at the Penthouse Grill and she asked you to marry her in front of everyone.” 

 

John stared at Marlena for a moment as the memory of Kristen in a white gown flickered into his mind.  And then the expression on Marlena’s face…..

 

“I told her I couldn’t marry her,” he finished for her.

 

“Mmmm-hmmm,” she nodded, a ghost of a smile on her lips.

 

“I couldn’t even contemplate it,” he told her fiercely.  “I love *you* Doc.  I’ll always love you.”

 

“I think you almost told her that too,” her smile faltered and the spark in her eyes extinguished as she recalled what it was that had cut him off.

 

“Doc?” John tilted her head so that she was looking at him, “what is it?”

 

“It’s not important John, at least let’s not get into it now, okay?” she entreated him

 

“Marlena, honesty remember?” John wasn’t about to be swayed by her supplication.  “No more secrets.”

 

“John you’ve been through so much, you must be exhausted.  Really, this will wait till you’re stronger.”

 

“Doc-”

 

“John, please.”  Marlena herself was exhausted and she wasn’t sure *she* had the strength to break the news to him about Carrie at this point, let alone be sure that he had the strength to deal with it.  “It’s not important.”

 

 

John could see the stress and exhaustion around her eyes.  She obviously hadn’t been sleeping well and this pregnancy was probably tiring her.  And truth be known, she was right, he was fatigued too, and this had been an emotionally trying afternoon.

 

“Okay Doc, but we will talk about this later okay?”

 

“Okay,” she nodded, letting her body relax slightly as she contemplated him.  “John?”

 

“Yeah Doc?” he saw the smile spread across her face and it was reflected on his own.  “What?”

 

“I…” she shrugged with an irrepressible grin, “I don’t know.  Just that I love you and now I can finally tell you that …..it feels strange to be able to say it out loud.”

 

“I know exactly what you mean,” John nodded, “we’ve got a whole lot of readjusting to do.”

 

“It might not be as easy as we want it to be,” Marlena warned soberly.

 

“I know sweetheart, but let’s not put roadblocks in our way before we’ve even started,’ he suggested softly.

 

“Okay,” she tried to cover her yawn, but she was unsuccessful.

 

“Hey,” he smiled at her tenderly, “you really are tired, aren’t you?”

 

“I haven’t been sleeping terribly well,” she admitted, neglecting to tell him that Carrie was the reason.

 

“Why don’t you lie down here with,” he grunted as he shifted sideways a little, “me for a while.”

 

“I should really go,” she said quietly, “you need your rest.”

 

“I can rest just as well with you here,” he said positively, “in fact I’d rest better *with* you here.  Please baby?” 

 

She couldn’t resist him when he looked at her like that, she had never been able to and with a slightly rueful smile, she nodded.

 

Stretching out on the bed next to him, she felt his arm slip under her, and she turned to find his immeasurably blue eyes twinkling as he guided her close to him.  His other arm came up and he smoothed the hair around her face as she gazed at him.

 

“I love you,” she whispered.

 

“I love you too,” he replied as he pulled her close.

 

Marlena sighed happily as she snuggled against him, careful not to disturb his wound but simply reveling in the peace that she found being so close to him.  For John, it was though having her close simply banished any pain and all he could feel was her warmth and her sweet breaths and it was heavenly.

 

“I’d lost all hope that I’d even hold you like this again,” he said eventually.  “I feel as though I’ve been given a second chance.”

 

“We both have,” Marlena opened her hazel eyes and looked up at him, “you almost died John.  We’re both very, very lucky and we ought never to forget that.”

 

“I promise never ever to take you for granted Doc,” he whispered, “I’ve tried living my life without you in it and it’s not something I ever want to do again.”

 

“You won’t ever have to,” she promised, her heart full of sincerity.  “Because from now on baby, you’re stuck with me.”

“I like the sound of that,” he murmured as he buried his face in her hair.  Marlena hummed her agreement as she rested her cheek against his good shoulder, feeling the distant beating of his heart echoing through his warm skin.

 

It was several moments later that she felt the tiny life flutter within her.

 

“John,” she whispered as she took his hand, “the baby’s moving.”  John said nothing, simply flattened his hand against the soft curve of her belly where she placed it and waited.  It was only seconds before he felt the tiny nudges against his hand where the baby kicked.  A broad smile stretched across his face as he looked at her in wonder, his eyes shining.  “That’s our baby,” she told him, tears glistening in her eyes.  John nodded wondrously, almost lost for words.

 

“We get to share it this time,” he brushed his thumb across her cheek infinitely slowly as he gazed at her.  Sharing something so intimate and beautiful was only strengthening the love and connection that was between them.  “This time we’ll bring our baby into the world *together* Marlena.  No fear or shame or guilt.  This time we can tell the world this is *our* baby.”

 

“Oh John,” she barely breathed the words as he leaned closer and tenderly nuzzled her face.  The feeling of having him so close was almost overwhelming and her heart was pounding in her chest.  This was a moment that she had thought would never happen again and she just wanted to capture the feeling in her memory forever.  Pulling back, John touched his shaking fingers to her cheek and traced a line down to her chin.  Then, tentatively, he drew his index finger over her lower lip, watching as her lips parted before raising his eyes to her honeyed ones. 

 

His fingers were fluid as they slid under her chin and tilted her head back.  Marlena barely felt anything but a tingle and a hint of warmth as he brushed his lips past hers.  Still their eyes stayed locked as he hovered, so close, but yet not close enough.  And then she could feel him, his warm lips grazing hers, the sweet, wet warmth of his kiss as it deepened and she closed her eyes reflexively, submitting to him as her senses seemed to merge into one singular awareness where they joined, where the two became one.

 

She was jolted out of it as John pulled back suddenly

 

“Mmmph,” he rolled back on the bed, his injured shoulder suddenly throbbing.

 

“Honey, are you okay?” Marlena’s concern overrode any other thought.

 

“Fine,” John gritted his teeth and rode out the pain.  Finally, when it was gone, he turned to Marlena. 

 

“Apparently your kiss packs a hell of a kick Doc,” he grinned.  “Actually, it’s probably more like I just can’t resist getting carried away with you.”

 

“Well, you’re going to *have* to resist it.  At least for a while anyway,” she told him, not completely able to hide her worry.

 

“Okay,” he nodded tiredly, rolling his head back on the pillow, suddenly barely able to keep his eyes open.

 

“Good,” she breathed a little easier.  “Let’s just get a little rest, okay?”

 

“Mmmm-hmmmm,” his drowsiness seemed infectious, and Marlena felt her own eyelids growing heavy.  Yawning, she snuggled against him again.

 

“Doc?” he murmured as his arm curled around her.

 

“Mmmm?” she wrapped her own arm around his waist.

 

“I love you,” he spoke very softly.

“I love you too,” she smiled contentedly as they lay comfortably together.   Moments later, the room was filled with soft, steady breaths as the couple slept blissfully in each other’s arms.

 

It was twenty minutes later that Q opened the door.  He couldn’t help but smile when he saw the expression on Marlena’s face.  It was as though everything was finally right in her world, and he couldn’t argue with that.

 

Taking a spare cotton blanket from the nearby cupboard, he covered her with it and then noiselessly, he left the room.  He was in no hurry to go anywhere, and Marlena could certainly use the sleep.

 

Sinking into a chair across the way, he settled in for a long wait. 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 96 – Deliberation and Prevarication

 

 

It was almost dark when Marlena finally woke.  Lying in the half-light, she smiled as she listened to John’s quiet, regular breaths, purely enjoying the feeling of his body next to hers.  After a few moments, she propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him with a loving smile.  He really looked content, in a way that he had not for such a long time.

 

She supposed it had been the same for him as it had for her, as though there was always something missing, something slightly *flat* about her life without him.  Things never looked quite as colorful, food never tasted as good….. she never slept quite so well as she did in his arms.

 

Her heart fluttered as he stirred in his sleep.  She could just watch him like this forever.  If this moment never ended, she would be utterly content.  Her fingers slid over the rumpled blue cotton of his hospital gown before they encountered the cool skin of his upper arm.  Continuing her journey, her fingers drifted through the coarse hair that dusted his lower arms until she met his fingers where they rested against her thickened waist.

 

Ever so carefully, she lifted his hand and slipped out from under the cotton blanket.  Waiting to make sure that he was still sleeping peacefully, she dropped a sweet kiss on his forehead.  Then, without a noise, she opened the door and closed it quietly behind her.

 

Looking around, she spotted Eugene dozing in a chair several yards away.  Seating herself beside him, she placed her hand over his.

 

“Gene?” she asked cautiously.

 

“Mmm….wh…huh?” his eyes shot open and he looked around as though he thought he was going to find something unexpected and not entirely welcome.

 

“Gene, it’s just me,” she tried to reassure him.

 

“Oh Marlena,” he slapped his hand to his chest, “don’t frighten me like that.”

 

“I’m sorry,” she couldn’t help her grin.  Some things didn’t change.  “You didn’t have to stay and wait you know Gene.”

 

“Well I….,” he looked down at his hands and then tentatively back at her, “I had the impression that maybe we hadn’t said everything we need to say.”

 

Marlena’s smile faltered and her eyes flitted to the window of John’s room and then back to Q.

 

“I don’t quite know what to say Gene,” she said in a low voice.

 

“You’re still angry at me,” he was glum.

 

“Well….no….yes….” Marlena shook her head, “I don’t know Gene.  I’m still trying to absorb all this.”  She paused for a moment, trying to put her emotions into words.  “I *do* wish you’d told me the truth.  I understand I guess why you didn’t, but Gene, it would have made so much *difference*.”

 

“I know,” he replied miserably. 

 

If he *had* told her the truth, *they* would never had happened.  That much was clear to him now.  And he was terribly torn over that.  In his head he knew the right thing would have been to tell her, but a small, selfish part of him kept whispering that he had been right to keep quiet.  And yet for what?  He had loved her; but he had certainly lost her and it seemed he had merely been a substitute for the man she had really wanted all along.

 

“I’m sorry Marlena,” he said sadly, “I wish I had some defense that would make you feel like all this has been worth something, but I don’t.  I’m sorry my silence wasted so much time and caused you so much pain.  I…” he wanted to say he would do anything to go back and change it, but he couldn’t even convince *himself* it was true, so he wasn’t about to try with her.  “I just want you to know that none of…what happened…I didn’t plan any of it and I’d give anything not to have hurt you.”

 

“Oh Gene,” being that she was a listener by profession and adept at reading between lines, she grasped a lot more of what Eugene meant than he had put into words, “honey I don’t feel like it was wasted time.  Not you and me,” she took one of his hands between hers.  “I feel cheated at the time John, and I lost yes, but that doesn’t mean I regret what happened between us.  That was special and just because it wasn’t lasting….it doesn’t mean I don’t cherish those memories.”

 

“But if I’d told you the truth it never would have happened Marlena,” he was making himself more wretched with every word, “you and John could have been together all that time.  You wanted to be…. I just got in the way.  I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh honey,” she could deal with anything but his self-pity right now, “without you I might have lost myself all together.  *Yes* you should have told me, but the fact is that you didn’t, and I think I understand why.  I don’t want to think about the ifs now.  It happened and we had a wonderful time.  Let’s just remember it as that and concentrate on the present.”

 

Q looked at her in surprise.  He didn’t know what he had expected from her, but it hadn’t been that.  Had he been looking for sympathy?  He didn’t think so, he hoped not.  He hoped he’d at least learnt something from the past few months.  Maybe he had expected her to be less forgiving of his weaknesses, to admit that he was right…*he* had simply been a mistake on her way to where she wanted to be.  But there it was again, that damn selfishness.  It wasn’t about him; this wasn’t about him and he had to stop obsessing about what she thought of him.  That wouldn’t get him anywhere but in her bad books.

 

“Gene,” she interrupted his ragged train of thought, “I’m sorry I was so hard on you in there.  I was just shocked and upset and I let my temper get the better of me.  I hope you’ll forgive me?”

 

“Forgive you?” he was genuinely surprised, “if you’re not angry with me, how on earth could I be upset with you?”

 

Marlena gave him a beautiful, sunlit smile.

 

“How can I be angry?  I’m so happy I think I could just die.”

 

“Well don’t do that!” he teased her, “that would be a bit of a waste I think.”  He paused and looked at her.  The sleep really seemed to have done her the world of good and she looked radiant.  He didn’t think he’d ever seen her more happy and serene.  “Congratulations,” he offered softly, “I couldn’t be happier for you.  And if anyone deserves all the love and happiness in the world, it’s you.  I’m really glad you found what you were looking for.”

 

“Oh Gene,” she leant her head on one side, “thank you.  That means a lot to me.  Though I don’t think we can assume anything yet.  We’ve got a lot left to overcome and a lot to get through.  I don’t think it’s going to be easy.”

 

“If any couple can get through the bad times, it’s you two,” Q assured her.  “You were destined to be together you know.”

 

“I think so,” Marlena agreed, her eyes shining, “I think we’ve finally proved that to ourselves, and to each other.”

 

On a sudden impulse, she threw her arms around him.

 

“Thank you,” she whispered, “thank you for loving me and thank you for having the courage to let me go.”

 

“And thank you for understanding,” he squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he held her tightly for a long minute.

 

And then the moment was over and Marlena pulled back.

 

“I’d better get back to John.”

 

“Okay,” Gene nodded, “do you want me to wait for you?”

 

“No, I want you to come in with me,” she surprised him as she pulled on his hands.  “We still have some things to decide about this situation with Kristen and I’d like your input.  If that’s okay with you,” she added.

 

“As long as you’re sure,” he nodded raising his eyebrows, “yeah.”

 

“I’d really appreciate it,” she tugged on his hand again and with no further conversation, they went back into John’s room.

 

“There you are,” John’s relief was written all over his face, “I was wondering where you were.”

 

“Did you miss me, baby,” she teased him as she reclaimed her spot on the bed next to him.

 

“I woke up and you weren’t here,” his eyes were earnest, “and I started to wonder if I’d just dreamt it all.”

 

“Oh honey,” her voice was like a gentle caress as she leant to brush her lips across his cheek, “this is definitely not a dream.”

 

“Good,” he lifted his fingers to her face and gazed into her eyes.

 

“Hrrmmmm,” Gene cleared his throat from where he stood near the door.  Marlena looked up a little guiltily.

 

“Sorry,” she told him apologetically.

 

“Well as nice as it is to see the two of you together,” Q ventured as sincerely as he could manage, “I’d love some dinner at some stage tonight.  So if you want to talk about Kristen DiMera, can we do it now?”

 

“Talk about Kristen?” John seemed a little disoriented.

 

“We’ve got to decide what to do about this situation,” Q appraised him.  “Kristen seems to think that if C-” he suddenly noticed Marlena’s subtle gesturing and realized that John still had no idea of the real reason that he was in the hospital.  “Um, I mean she seems to be in denial over the fact that you refused to marry her.  She thinks that as soon as you get out of hospital, you’re going to be one big happy family.”

 

“You don’t need to tell me that,” John mumbled unhappily.

 

“John, how do you think she’s going to react when you break it off with her?  If she finds out that this baby is not Gene’s as she thinks it is?”  Marlena’s voice was thick as she considered the possibilities.  None of them were particularly appealing, knowing the state of Kristen’s mind.

 

“Doc,” John paused and shook his head, “she’s so beyond irrational that I just don’t know *what* she might do.  I mean, there’s unpredictable and then there’s Kristen….” He leant his head back against the stark white pillows and pursed his lips.  “If she were to find out the truth now, especially the fact that you’re carrying my baby, Doc, I really think she might go off the deep end.  Even if we weren’t together, I think she’d see you as a major threat.” 

 

He stared at Marlena again, thinking how incredibly beautiful she was and how, after everything he had done, he was so lucky that she had forgiven him.  “You’re the doc, Doc.  What do you think?”

“I think,” Marlena began slowly, “that you know her pretty well.  She seems extremely unstable to me.  Ignoring all the other ‘problems’,” she slipped a protective hand over her belly as if to imply that she certainly didn’t view her baby as a problem. “Even if you were simply to break it off with her, Kristen is quite possibly psychotic enough to try and harm her own….” pausing, she corrected herself, “the baby she is carrying.”  She frowned unhappily.  “As long as she thinks that that baby connects you, she will use it however she can to get your attention.”

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Gene moved towards the bed, “that it would be her own baby first.  I think we have to realize that although she might be insane, she’s certainly not stupid.”  He scowled as he spoke.  He hated that woman almost as much as John did, if not more.  “If you dump her now John, she’s going to put two and two together and she’s fairly likely, in my estimation, to come up with four.”

 

“You think she’ll blame Marlena?” John raised his eyebrows.

 

“She seems to blame Marlena for everything under the sun as it is,” Q replied sardonically.  “I’m sure she’d blame global warming on Marlena if she could.” 

 

Marlena felt a chill run through her as she remembered the flashes of madness in Kristen’s eyes at the Penthouse Grill as she lunged at her.  Q was apparently having the same memory.

 

“You didn’t see her at the restaurant after…..” he didn’t quite know exactly how much John knew about the evening in question and he didn’t want to accidentally give too much away.  “She went absolutely berserk.  I think she would have torn Marlena apart with her bare hands if she’d have had the chance.”

 

“You think that she’d try and hurt Marlena and the baby?” John thought about Q’s claims briefly, weighing them up against what he knew of the woman.  “Yes,” he nodded his head, answering his own question with a heavy heart, “you’re probably right.”

 

Marlena’s brow furrowed and John felt her tense against him.

 

“Don’t you both think you’re being a little dramatic?” she petitioned hopefully.

 

“C’mon Doc,” John slipped his arm around her, “remember once before when she wanted you out of the way?  You ended up on a plane to Paris with Stefano.”  He stared at her, a ferocity in his eyes she hadn’t seen for a long time.  “I’ll be *damned* if I let the DiMera’s hurt you again.”

 

“So where does that leave us then?” she asked breathlessly.  There was no answer for a moment and then Q spoke.

 

“It seems as though what it boils down to is that if John tells Kristen he’s through with her right now, at best she’ll probably try and kill herself again.  Which in itself wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” he reflected cruelly.

 

“*Gene*!”  Marlena was almost shocked at his callousness.  This wasn’t a side of him she’d seen a lot of and she wasn’t sure she liked it all that much.

 

“Well, if it wasn’t for your baby, I mean,” he backtracked a little.

 

“It’s still too harsh,” she scolded him.

 

“I’m sorry,” he shrugged non-committally, “I happen to think this universe would be a better place without Kristen DiMera in it and I’m not about to pretend otherwise.”  Neither John or Marlena could particularly argue with this statement, and they both remained silent.

 

“Well, at worst, she might find a way of getting to Marlena and endangering her, or her baby.  Or *both* of them.  And I think we all know that after everything you’ve both been through, we can’t risk either of those options.”

“So, what are you saying?” Marlena really didn’t like the way this conversation was headed.  “That John can’t break up with her?”

 

“That pretty much sums it up, yes,” Q nodded, “at least until the baby she carries is born.  Then the two of you get to reassess options.”

 

“No,” Marlena shook her head frantically, “*no*!”  She turned to John, her eyes wide and teary.  “I can’t….. how will I be able to sleep at night knowing you’re with *her*.  You can’t ask me to do this John.”

 

“Eugene, isn’t there *any* other way?” John appealed desperately.  Now he had Marlena in his arms, he couldn’t bear the thought of letting her go and pretending again.  Even if it was simply a charade, he wasn’t sure he could carry it through.  Not knowing he could be with the woman he loved.

 

Q shrugged again.

 

“If either of you can think of another way that doesn’t involve any risk, be my guest.”  This wasn’t exactly something that he wanted to contemplate either.  In itself it was a risky proposition, trying to keep the truth from Kristen, but he honestly couldn’t think of any other way.

 

Marlena was silent for a long moment as she looked from Eugene to John and back again.

 

“There are so many ways she could find out the truth,” she said eventually in a small voice.  “We’d have to limit those avenues.  We’d have to lie to all our family and friends.  She would have to continue to think that this baby,” she caressed her stomach gently and smiled as she felt the tiny flutter again.  But then her face sobered again as she contemplated what she was saying.  “Everyone would have to think this baby was Eugene’s.  There’s just too much chance of her overhearing the truth otherwise.”

 

John sighed and looked away.  God, he didn’t want to do it like this.  He wanted to be able to tell the world that this was his baby, a baby he was having with the woman he loved.  He wanted to be able to tell his children that they would soon be a family and he wanted to tell his family that he was going to marry this remarkable woman next to him, his soulmate.

 

But they were right.  He couldn’t watch Kristen every moment of the day and he couldn’t put Marlena in a protective bubble either.  Kristen had the DiMera wiles and where there was a will, a way could very well follow.

 

“I don’t want to let you go,” he whispered into Marlena’s soft hair.  “I don’t want to have to lie any more.”

 

“You know, as long as you’re careful, you should still be able to see each other in private,” Q suggested.  “I should at least be able to ensure that you get some time together.”

 

Marlena’s expression brightened at that thought and then she felt John’s lips drift across her cheek, and she shivered.

 

“Do you really think we’ll be able to pull this off?” John asked Q.

 

“I don’t know, I think the answer to that lies at your feet,” Gene suggested.  “It’s you that will have to convince Kristen that you still care about her and want a future with her.”

 

“Oh, that’s not particularly hard,” John assured him, “she believes what she wants to believe unless she’s forced to accept otherwise.”

 

“So…”Marlena looked at Gene, “we have to pretend that we’re still together and that this baby is yours.”

 

“Mmm-hmmm,” Q nodded his head.  He wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to deal with this.  Being with her in public, touching her, even kissing her….

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Marlena asked him quietly.  “You *can* say no if you don’t feel comfortable.”

 

“Hey,” he started before she had even finished her sentence.  “I told you earlier that I’d do anything for you.  I meant it.  I want to see you two together and happy with your babies.  I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen, okay?”

 

“All right,” she nodded reluctantly.  “I guess none of us like this, but we don’t have much choice, do we?”

 

“Not a whole lot,” John sounded resigned.  “But it’s only until the baby is born.”

 

“What happens when the baby is born John?” Marlena asked suddenly.  “Even if she knows the truth, Kristen’s not going to give that baby up without a fight.  It’s her bargaining chip, her only way of staying in your life.”

 

“But it’s our baby Doc,” John countered.  “They can prove that genetically.”

 

“She’s still the birth mother John.  She has a viable legal claim to the child.”  Marlena was suddenly scared as she weighed the possibilities.  “My God, she could claim custody and then take the child away.  What if Stefano is still alive?”

 

“Stefano is not alive Doc,” John reassured her.  “He was killed in that cave-in in the tunnels of Paris remember?”

 

“Until I see and touch his body, I’ll *never* believe that bastard is dead,” Marlena couldn’t hide the vitriol in her tone when she talked about Stefano.  She still had nightmares about her ordeal in Paris as well as Maison Blanche and if she never saw Stefano DiMera again for an eternity it would still be too soon.

 

“You’re right,” John agreed with her.  They had thought Stefano dead before, more than once and he had proved them horribly wrong.  It was safer to assume that he was somehow immune to the ravages of mortality.

 

Suddenly, a fragmented thought flashed into his mind.  He was holding a piece of….. it was a piece of a jigsaw puzzle…..and inscribed on it was the letter C…….

 

“John?” Marlena rubbed his chilled hand, “honey?”

 

“Hmmm?” he came back to the room with a start.

 

“Are you okay?”  he could see the concern in her eyes, and he didn’t even want to begin to think about what that vision meant.

 

“I’m fine honey,” he assured her guilelessly, “but you’re right.  We have to work out what to do about Kristen once she has the baby and we have to do it soon.” 

 

He shared Marlena’s concern, he hadn’t really thought that far ahead until now, he’d been so consumed with making sure the baby actually made it to the birth that he hadn’t really thought beyond that.  But Marlena was right, assuming Kristen didn’t try to hurt the baby, she would do everything in her power to try and take it from them.  And he had to make sure that didn’t happen.  His stupidity had gotten them all into this mess.  Now he had to find a way to get them out.

 

Involuntarily, John yawned and at that moment, the door to the room opened.

 

“Hi,” Juliet’s bright smile greeted them, “wow, now *this* is great to see!”  She regarded Marlena and John with a sparkle in her eyes, “No wonder my number one patient is healing in double quick time.”

 

“It helps when you’ve got the right medicine,” John quipped as he looked at Marlena.

 

“If only I could bottle it,” Juliet lamented playfully as she moved to the other side of the bed.  “I just want to check on John’s wound if you wouldn’t mind.”

 

“All right,” Marlena nodded, “he’s tired anyway, and I think it’s time I left him to rest.”

“But Doc,” John didn’t like the sound of that at all.  In fact, he didn’t like the idea of letting her out of his sight for even a few minutes particularly appealing.  Not when he didn’t know when he’d be able to see her again.

 

“It’s all right honey, I’ll come back again tomorrow,” she promised him, sealing it with a gentle kiss.

 

“Okay,” his agreement was grudging but he knew there was no point arguing.  “Doc?”  He caught her hand as she slid off the bed.

 

“Mmmm?” she turned back to him with a ravishing smile.

 

“I love you,” he grinned at her lopsidedly and Marlena’s heart leapt.

 

“Oh gosh honey, I love you too,” her reply was heartfelt, and she leaned over and brushed her lips against his.  John moaned involuntarily and he lifted his good arm, tangling his fingers in her golden hair as he kissed her back.

 

“All right, all right, break it up,” Juliet’s good-natured voice intruded on the moment and they separated, slightly embarrassed.  “Babe, you have to be gentle with the boy, he’s been through quite an ordeal.”

 

“I know,” Marlena grinned in reply to the gentle ribbing.  “It’s just to hard to control myself around him, he’s such a sexy hunk.”

 

“You just watch yourself Evans,” John narrowed his eyes wryly at her, “I’ll remember that.”

 

“Please do,” Marlena raised her eyebrows teasingly.

 

“See you later,  Marlena,” Juliet couldn’t help the laughter in her voice,  these two were too cute together.  She couldn’t think what on earth had possessed John to take up with that DiMera woman.

 

“Bye,” Marlena squeezed John’s hand.  “I’ll see *you* tomorrow.”

 

“I’m holding you to that,” behind the smile he was completely serious.

 

Juliet watched Marlena leave with Eugene Bradford and turned to John.

 

“Okay sexy hunk, let’s see how this is healing shall we?”  With a grin, she pulled back the covers and helped John disengage his shoulder from the cotton gown.  Carefully, she peeled back the layers of gauze from the wound.  As she did so, her eyebrows raised in surprise.  “Maybe I really should try and bottle some of whatever it is that Marlena does to you,” she shook her head as she looked at the rapidly healing wound, “because this is absolutely remarkable.”

 

 

“Do you want to go straight home?” Q asked as he opened the car door for Marlena.

 

“No,” Marlena shook her head wearily.  Now that she was out of the hospital, her exhaustion was rapidly catching up with her.  Obviously, her short nap with John was only beginning of her recuperation.  “I really want to go and see the kids, Gene.”

 

“To the pub?” Gene looked as if he didn’t think that was a very good idea.

 

“Yes, the pub,” Marlena nodded as she ducked her head into the car and settled into the passenger’s seat.  Gene closed the door after her and rounded the car. 

 

Sinking into his own seat, he turned to her.

 

“Do you think that’s a very good idea?” he asked her prudently.  “I mean, everyone is expecting to hear that you and John are back together.  You’ll have to lie outright to them.  Do you really think you can face their questions right now?”

 

Marlena sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

 

“I guess I don’t have any choice now do I?” she said with resignation.  “I have to maintain this charade to protect my child.”

 

“But to start right now?” he wasn’t at all sure.

 

“Gene, I want to see Belle and Brady.  They’re my children,” she felt very strongly about that.  Even if she wasn’t in much of a state to look after them herself right now, she would not let them feel as if they had been abandoned by her.  “I know it will be hard, I love John *so* much and I want to share that with the world.”

 

“I know you do,” Q replied sensitively.

 

“Gene -” she cut herself off, searching for the words that would explain to him how she felt.  Although she wasn’t sure she could, being that she felt terribly confused herself.  But she couldn’t just say nothing.  That wouldn’t be right.  “I’m sorry that I hurt you.  I never should have gotten involved with you to begin with.  That wasn’t fair of me.”

 

“Oh Marlena,” he tried to wave it away, talking about it wasn’t going to change what had happened, they both knew what they had done wrong and as far as he was concerned, knowing was enough.  They didn’t need to keep rehashing it too.

 

“Gene, please let me finish,” she said softly.  She waited for his nod and then continued.  “I told you it was over between John and me because I really thought it was.  But I wasn’t honest about my feelings, with you *or* with myself.  You know, I should have learnt by now that suppressing those feelings only gets me into trouble.”

 

“I understand though Marlena,” he told her with a very Eugene-like expression, “I really do.”

 

“I know you do honey,” she sighed, “I don’t know, I guess I’m not making much sense.  I think maybe I just feel as though I took advantage of how you felt about me.  And I feel dreadful about that.”

 

“Maybe if I had simply been a diversion for you, that would be true,” Gene disagreed, “but I don’t think that’s what happened between us can be reduced to a simple diversion.  At least I hope not.  I think what happened was perfectly understandable, even if, in the long run it proved to be the wrong thing.”

 

“Oh Gene, of course it was more than that,” she looked taken aback, “I hope you know that I meant every word I said when we were together.  I *do* love you.  It’s just….” she shrugged.

 

“It’s not the same sort of way that you love John,” Gene finished for her.  “I know that.  I *always* knew that.”  He grinned at her, relieving some of the tension, “I’m not *that* much of a fool.”

 

“Oh gosh, I missed having you around,” she smiled at him, her eyes shining, “you’ve always been such a wonderful friend.”

 

“And I always will be your friend,” he assured her without equivocation.  “If you ever need me, I’ll be here for you.  And that’s just the way it should be.”  Marlena nodded, wiping away the teardrops that lingered under her eyes.  “Right then, that’s enough talking.  I think we’ve said all that we need to say on that subject.  I think now we need to start concentrating on you and John and getting through the next month or so okay?”

 

“Okay.” Marlena nodded with an acquiescent smile.  Gene was right, they didn’t need to dwell on the past.  She’d done enough of that.

 

 

 

By the time they got to the pub, it was well past Belle and Brady’s bedtime.  However, Belle had been unable to sleep and her grandma had been cuddling her for the last half an hour, promising that she would be able to go home and see her Mom and Dad real soon.  Lucie was carrying the sleepy little girl toward the stairs just as Marlena entered the room.  However, the moment Belle heard her mother’s voice, her eyes widened, and she urged the nanny to turn around.

 

“Momma,” she squealed delightedly as Lucie lowered her to the floor.

 

“Well, *hi* sweetie-girl!” Marlena’s laughter was as spontaneous as Belle’s dash across the kitchen. 

 

“Missed you, Momma,” Belle nestled her face into the crook of Marlena’s neck as she wrapped her arms tightly around her mother’s neck.

 

“Oh, I missed you too baby,” Marlena held her daughter tightly as she looked at Lucie in surprise.

 

“She had a bad dream,” Lucie explained, glad that Marlena was here to deal with Belle’s not so trivial fears.

 

“You had a bad dream Belle?” Marlena asked gently.  The little girl nodded, burying her face further into Marlena’s hair.  “Do you want to tell Momma about it?” she coaxed as she sank onto a chair.  However, Belle simply held onto her mother as she shook her head frantically.  “Okay, okay.” Marlena stroked Belle’s back with her free hand.  “Momma’s here.  You don’t have to think about it any more.”

 

Gently, she rocked back and forth, her motions soothing the child in her arms.  It wasn’t long before her tiny arms loosened from around her mother’s neck and she relaxed into a peaceful slumber.  Marlena continued to hold her until Caroline came in.

 

“Oh Marlena, I’m so glad you’re here,” her relief sounded in her voice.  “Belle was just beside herself when she woke.”

 

“Do you know what her dream was about Caroline?” Marlena asked in a soft voice.

 

“Well,” Caroline pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat next to Marlena, “she said that a ‘bad man’ took you away from us.  That he hurt John and took you away.”

 

“Oh no,” Marlena held Belle a little closer.  She had hoped that Belle would be too young to be affected by her absences, first, during the time she and John were held captive by Stefano at Maison Blanche and then when Stefano had held her in Paris.  But apparently, even as young as Belle had been, she had needed her mother.  And Marlena hadn’t been there for her.  “Oh, my poor baby,” she breathed, lowering her face to Belle’s hair and breathing in the soft, powdery scent of her young child.

 

“We tried to tell her that it would never happen again, that the bad man wouldn’t be coming back but she was just convinced that you were already gone and that she would never see you again,” Lucie added as she neared the table.  “I’ll take her upstairs now if you like.”

 

“*No*,” Marlena wrapped her arms a little more tightly around Belle, but her face softened as she looked up at the surprised young woman.  “I’ll take her up myself in a few minutes.”

 

“All right,” Lucie nodded, “I’ll go and check on Brady then.  I’ll see you later.”

 

“Mmmm-hmmm,” Marlena turned her attention back to her sleeping baby, “it’s okay Belle baby.  Momma’s not going anywhere.  Daddy and I are going to be right here for you.”

 

“How is John?” Caroline asked with a speculative gleam in her eye.

 

“He’s doing well Caroline,” Marlena tried to ignore the thump of her heart in her chest as she awaited the inevitable question.

 

“And things between the two of you?” Caroline looked hopeful, “Might we hope for some sort of announcement sometime soon?”

 

“Ah,” Marlena reddened as she searched for the right words, “I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

 

“Well, I thought maybe, after everything that has happened….” Caroline patted Marlena on the knee.  “We all saw how distressed you were dear.”

 

“Well of course I was,” neither Marlena nor Caroline noticed that Roman had entered the room as they were speaking, “he’s my friend and he’s Belle and Brady’s father.  Of course, I was worried about him.  But Caroline, I’m really sorry if you were expecting something more.  I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.”  She looked to Eugene for support, and he put his hands on her shoulders protectively. 

 

“I’m with Eugene now Caroline,” she reaffirmed, “and I’m having his baby.”

 

“You are *what*?!  Roman’s explosive demand came from the doorway and Marlena looked up in shock to find him looking at her furiously.  “Do you mind explaining to me just what the hell the two of you are playing at now?”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 97 – In The Shadows Of Heartache

 

 

Marlena looked at Roman in shock.  She hadn’t heard him come in and she wasn’t sure how to explain this to him.  He didn’t know the truth about Kristen’s baby, and she wasn’t sure he could understand if she tried to explain it to him.  She probably wouldn’t have believed it herself if she hadn’t known exactly what Eugene was capable of. 

 

“Well?” he was standing behind Caroline and looking clearly irritated.

 

“Roman dear-” Caroline began.

 

“Mom, could I just talk to Marlena and Eugene alone for a few moments please?” Roman asked quite reasonably.   Caroline looked at Marlena and then back at her son.  There were undercurrents here she didn’t understand, and maybe it was best to not get involved right now.

 

“Of course,” Caroline nodded as she pushed herself out of her chair.  “I’ll see you later Marlena dear.”

 

“Thanks for looking after the children Caroline,” Marlena said softly, hoping to stall Roman a little.

 

“No problem, Marlena, you know how I love them.  Anytime.”  Caroline was feeling acutely uncomfortable, and she wasted no time leaving the room, much to Marlena’s consternation.

 

Roman said nothing for a moment, just stood with his arms crossed in front of him.  Marlena glared at him in annoyance.  Since when was this any of his business anyway?

 

“Gene, perhaps *you’d* like to explain why the two of you are lying to my mother?” Roman couldn’t understand for the life of him why they would be doing this.  She had told him it was John’s baby, surely she couldn’t have been lying about that.  So why would she be changing her tune now?  Almost more frustrating than trying to work out why she was lying, was trying to work out why the hell it upset him so much.  Yes, he had been in a similar situation before, but this was *John* they were talking about.  Why the hell should he care a whit about John?

 

“Roman,” Belle stirred in Marlena’s arms as she spoke, and the mother tried to relax so that the little girl would not be woken by her tenseness.  “Roman, I can’t discuss this right now, I have to put Belle back to bed.”

 

“All right,” Roman nodded tersely, “I can wait.” 

 

Marlena looked at him, her fatigue and frustration evident and then she shook her head and pushed herself out of the kitchen chair, carrying Belle with her.  Saying nothing more, she swept past Roman and out of the room.

 

In Belle’s bedroom, she tucked the little girl into bed and brushed the fair hair from her forehead.  Belle, not yet four, still had her adorable baby face with soft round features that reminded Marlena so much of Samantha and of course, herself.  She felt a rush in her heart as she crouched down by her sweet little angel.  She couldn’t wait to tell Belle and Brady that their Daddy was coming home.  They were going to be a *family*, at long last.  During any shadowy moments during the next month or so, at least she could remember that and hold onto the anticipation of the moment she would tell the children.

 

“Night night, Belle baby,” she whispered before pressing her lips to Belle’s reddened cheek.  Brady was in a bed in the same room, and she stopped to drop a kiss on his little head before leaving the room.

 

She could hear Roman’s voice even before she made it back to the kitchen.

 

“What the hell do you mean inescapable?  Don’t talk in riddles to me Eugene.  Either that baby is yours or it’s John’s and you and Marlena are lying about it.”

“Would you keep your voice down please Roman,” Marlena requested in a low tone as she re-entered the room.

 

“Well Doc, if you would just care to explain to me what the hell is going on,” Roman demanded curtly.  He hated himself for being this brusque with Marlena.  It reminded him to uncomfortably of how he had been when he had returned to her all those years ago, a bitter and unforgiving man.  He liked to think that he wasn’t that man anymore, that he had learnt from his mistakes.  But every so often he looked at her and he felt that familiar ache in the hollow of his soul, that ache that reminded him he had lost her, and he felt the remembered pain and betrayal.  He didn’t like it, but he would never be able to forget how he had lost her, and it was pointless to even try. 

 

“Roman, I don’t understand why you’re so concerned about this,” Marlena was confused at what seemed to be the depth of feeling that Roman had developed over this incident.

 

“I….” Roman tried to find something to say, but finally he let his shoulders drop and he shook his head.  “I don’t know Marlena; I suppose this has just resurrected too many old memories.  I don’t think you should be lying to people, and I certainly don’t think you should be keeping the truth from John.  Whatever has happened.”  He felt his face redden as he spoke, almost amazed that he was defending John.  After everything that had happened…. He turned to Gene.  “You’re supposed to be her friend.  You’re supposed to be *helping* her.”

 

“Roman,” Marlena snapped.  Part of her understood Roman’s motivations, but the other part of her, the one that was getting the upper hand at the moment was tired and hormonal and simply wanted to go home.  “Just shut up and listen to me, okay?”

 

With a barely suppressed groan, she sank into the kitchen chair again and laid her hand across her stomach.  “We’re not keeping the truth from John.  He knows that this baby is his.”  She glared at Roman fiercely, defying him to try and interrupt her.  But he remained silent.  “But there is a reason that we can’t tell everyone else the truth right now.  I can’t explain it to you exactly, so you’ll just have to trust us.”

 

“What kind of a reason?”  This wasn’t the kind of reply Roman had expected.  He wasn’t sure what he had expected actually.  It simply wasn’t this.  His manner softened slightly but his words still held the same import.  “You’re *lying* to your family Doc.  Are you going to lie to the kids too?  What do you think that will do to them when they find out you lied?  After everything that they’ve gone through, don’t you think they at least deserve the truth?”

 

“Roman,” Gene’s voice was low and held almost a warning tone, “give her a break, she’s had a hard day.”

 

“I’m asking *Marlena* a question,” Roman stated, not even looking at Eugene.  Marlena was chewing on her lower lip as she looked up at Roman.

 

“I don’t have the answers you want Roman.  I wish I could tell the children; I wish I could tell the whole world.  But we can’t risk it.  Kristen is too unbalanced.  If she finds out I’m having John’s baby….”

 

“What the hell has Kristen go to do with *anything*?” Roman dropped into the chair next to Marlena and stretched out his aching leg.  He looked at her with sad eyes.  “Doc, I’m trying to understand, really I am.”

 

“I know you are,” she said softly, “I wish I could explain it to you Roman.  But for now, I am just asking you to trust me.  This is the only option John and I have right now.  And I’m asking you to believe that and keep our secret.”

 

Roman searched Marlena’s cinnamon-colored eyes and found no deceit there.  He knew those eyes better than his own, they haunted his sleep, and his waking could only acquiesce to their honesty.  She truly did believe this was the only way.  He didn’t understand it, but he guessed, if it was that important to her, he could live with it.

 

“Okay Doc,” he breathed heavily, “you win.  It’s obviously what you believe is right.  I guess I can’t argue with that.”

 

“Thank you,” she smiled at him, her eyes crinkling up at the corners and making his heart jump.  “I know this doesn’t make any sense Roman, but I promise you honey, it will eventually.”  She laid her hand over one of his and squeezed it.  Roman nodded with a regretful smile. 

 

“I hope so Doc.  I really hope so.”

 

“Roman I….” Her voice faded as her head began to swim.  Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her forehead in an effort to keep her increasingly heavy head upright.

 

“Doc?” Roman’s alarm sounded through the fuzzy darkness that was enclosing her consciousness and she could barely feel his arms around her as he fought to keep her upright.

 

“Marlena.  *Marlena*….” she couldn’t even tell who that was over the buzzing in her ears.  All she could feel was the dragging dark and the welcoming numbness…….

 

When she came to, fighting her way out of the fogginess, Marlena found that she was lying with her feet up on the Brady’s sofa.  She opened her eyes and slowly, the room in front of her steadied.  A worried Gene was hunched over on a stool next to her, holding her clammy hand and Caroline was fussing with a cool cloth which she had just taken from Marlena’s forehead.

 

“Doc, Doc are you okay?” Roman asked from where he stood, behind Gene. 

 

“Mmmm,” she murmured and closed her eyes again, willing the rushing dizziness away.  When she was sure it was gone, she opened her eyes once again.

 

“Marlena, I think we should get you to the hospital,” Q’s brow creased into deep furrows of concern.  It seemed obvious to him that the past few weeks had taken their toll on Marlena in no small way, and the cracks were finally beginning to show.

 

“No,” she croaked, “no really, I’m fine.”

 

“You fainted Marlena dear,” Caroline’s motherly tone overrode everyone else’s words.  “I think Eugene is right.  You should go to the hospital, just to be on the safe side.  You wouldn’t want anything to happen to the baby now, would you?”

 

“The baby is fine,” Marlena was feeling stronger now and she pulled her hand from Q’s and pushed herself into a sitting position as she swung her legs from the couch.  “*I* am fine.  There’s no need to go to the hospital.  I just need some rest and I’m much more likely to get that at home than I am at the hospital.”

 

“But Marlena -” Q wasn’t ready to be dissuaded.

 

“No buts, Gene.”  She shook her head tiredly and brushed her messy hair from her eyes.  All she wanted right now was her own bed.  “I just want to go home.”

 

Q stared at her in frustration.  *Damn* it she was so stubborn.  He knew from long experience that however much he argued, he was going to lose in the end.  So maybe if he surrendered gracefully now, he could get her to compromise.  For his peace of mind if nothing else.

 

“All right,” he nodded slowly.  She sighed with relief, but she was taken aback as he held up his hand.  “I’ll take you home, but *only* on condition that we have Mike Horton meet us there.  He can check you over quickly and then you can go to bed and have a good night’s sleep.  Deal?”

 

Marlena glowered at him irritably.  She really didn’t want to have to deal with Mike right now.  But something told her Gene wasn’t going to give up on this one.  And by the looks on Roman and Caroline’s faces, they were going to back him up one hundred percent.  She sighed again and rubbed her forehead with the tips of her fingers.

 

“All right then,” she nodded her assent finally.  “A quick checkup.  Nothing more.”

 

“Nothing more,” Gene agreed as he helped her up from the couch.

 

Leaving Roman to call Mike, Q drove Marlena back to the penthouse.  However, Mike wasn’t far behind them, arriving only about ten minutes after Marlena had kicked off her shoes.

 

 

“Mike really, it was nothing.  I got a little dizzy.  It happens.” Marlena shrugged, trying to minimize her fainting turn as Mike opened his bag.

 

“It was a little more than a dizzy spell from what I hear Marlena,” Mike pulled out his stethoscope and looked at her seriously.  “John told me that you know about Kristen’s baby.  Now, more than ever, you and I both know what kind of stress you have been under.  That’s got to take its toll on anyone.”  He raised his eyebrows as Marlena thought to argue.  “C’mon Marlena, your pregnancy with Belle was difficult.  I just want to make sure that *you* are physically all right and that your baby has every chance in the world to be born healthy and full term.  Okay?” 

 

Marlena stared defiantly at him but her train of though was interrupted by Gene’s return to the room with a warm cup of cocoa.  As she took it from him, she sat back against the cushions and sighed.

 

“All right then,” she nodded, her voice heavy with lassitude, “do your checkup.”

 

“I promise I won’t take long,” Mike lifted his fingers to her wrist and took her pulse.  Lifting her cocoa to her lips. Marlena looked the other way.  She didn’t even want to think about the possibility that something might go wrong with her pregnancy.  Mike was right, she hadn’t carried *any* of her pregnancies to term and it had been stress that had led to the premature labor with Belle.  She had to do everything she could to make sure that didn’t happen again.  She just didn’t know if it was possible to do that given the situation, she found herself in.

 

Handing her drink to Gene, she closed her eyes as Mike inflated the cuff on her arm, measuring her blood pressure wordlessly.  None of them spoke as Mike continued his examination and then packed up his bag.  Marlena simply pulled a cushion to her and picked restlessly at the fringe with wandering fingers.

 

“Marlena,” Mike turned to her, his voice gentle.  “The baby is just fine but I’m a little concerned about your blood pressure.  It’s a little high for my liking.”

 

“Is that bad?” Gene jumped on his words immediately.

 

“It shouldn’t affect the baby, as *long* as Marlena is careful and gets plenty of rest,” Mike qualified his statement.  “I know it’s hard, but I want you to try and avoid any kind of tense emotional situations and I want you to get a few days rest, okay?”  He put his hand out to stop her argument.  “Think about your baby Marlena.  You have an obligation to this child to give it the best start possible.  And right now, that means a few days rest with *no* work.  You got me?”

 

“I got ya, doc,” Marlena said with a rueful smile.  “You’re right, I know.”

 

“Marlena, I *know* this situation with John and Kristen has to be incredibly stressful, but you have *got* to try and not let it get to you,” Mike took her hand gently.

 

“I know,” she pressed her lips together, blinking as she nodded her head.  “It’s just not easy having to lie to everybody about what’s happened with John, and my feelings for him.  I couldn’t even tell *Roman* the truth,” she wiped away a lone tear with the back of her fingers, “Roman, after everything he’s been through.  He deserves to know the truth, Mike.”

“I know,” Mike squeezed her hand, “but you know, it won’t be that long until Kristen has the baby and then….”

 

“And then *what*?” Marlena shrugged, with frustration “and then we enter some protracted legal battle with her to try and gain custody of *our* baby?”  The anguish of the possibilities that the future held showed briefly on her face as she closed her eyes.  “I don’t even know how I’m going to feel when I see Kristen.  I have no idea how to deal with this Mike.  I don’t even know where to start.”

 

“Well, it sounds like you need a little time and space to work out some of these things yourself before you’re thrown into them,” Mike suggested with sympathy.  He couldn’t even begin to fathom how she must be feeling right now.  He simply knew she had few friends that could understand how she was feeling, and he had to do everything he could to help her through this.  “You know Marlena, if you need somebody to talk to, I’m always here.  And failing that, Mom is great at keeping secrets.  I’m sure she’d love to help in any way she could.”

 

“Thanks Mike,” Marlena squeezed his hand in return.  “You’re a good friend.  And I’ll let you know if I need anything,” she nodded, her face pallid, “but I think I’m just fine right now.  You’re right, I need some rest.  I think things will start to sort themselves out once I’ve had a little sleep.”

 

“Most likely.” Mike smiled and then turned to Gene, who was standing silently across the room by the windows.  “Look after her okay. Eugene?”

 

“Don’t worry,” Marlena gave a tired chuckle, “he will.”

 

“All right then,” Mike gave her a quick hug, “call me if you need anything.  Anytime at all, okay?”

 

“Okay,” she nodded as she let him help her stand.

 

“And now I want you to go straight up to bed,” he insisted as Q came over to take her arm.

 

“I’m not an invalid!” she protested, but without her usual vigor.

 

“Humor me, okay?” Q slipped his arm around her, completely ignoring her attempt to rebuff him.  Sighing with exasperation, she gave up and turned back to Mike.

 

“Thanks for coming over.” 

 

“No problem.”  Mike grinned as he made his way to the door.  It looked as though Marlena was in more than capable hands.  “I’ll see you later.”

 

Q waited till he was gone and then turned to his charge.

 

“You.  Upstairs.  Now.”  It was said with good humour, but Marlena knew from experience that when Gene was in this mood, he didn’t argue, he simply *did*.  And she was numbingly tired.  All she wanted right now, was to crawl into her warm bed and *sleep*.

 

“Okay,” she nodded, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth in a futile effort to cover a yawn.  “You win.  Bed sounds *great*.”

 

 

******

 

 

After several days of rest, which had included lots of time spent with Belle and Brady, Marlena felt much stronger.  She knew implicitly that she was also more ready to deal emotionally with the myriad of problems that she and John were going to encounter over the next few months.  She only hoped that John understood why she wasn’t around, and he wasn’t too worried about her.  Mike had assured her over the phone that John was just fine about it, but she wasn’t entirely convinced.

 

As she neared John’s new room, Marlena noticed with a sinking feeling that John’s door was open.  Duncan, the police guard, raised his eyebrows and she stopped.  Leaving his post, he came to her.

 

“Ms. DiMera is in there,” he was an old friend of John’s from his days on the force and for the moment, he didn’t exactly understand what the hell kind of game John was playing.  He somewhat understood John’s concern for the baby the DiMera woman was carrying, but he didn’t understand the need to pretend he still felt something for her.  Especially since he was so obviously in love with Marlena Evans.  And why wouldn’t he be? 

 

Duncan appreciated a good-looking woman as much as any man, and he had known Marlena since she was married to Roman way back in the early Eighties.  If anything, she was more gorgeous and sexy now than she had been then.  From time to time in the past few years, the boys had talked among themselves in the station locker room, wondering exactly how it was that Roman had walked out on his beautiful wife, and even more how John had not clued into the fact that she was obviously still hot for him.  Sometimes they concluded amongst themselves that John Black, although he was a nice guy, had less brains than the proverbial scarecrow.

 

“How long has she been in there?”  Marlena didn’t look at Duncan’s face.  Instead, she edged around until she could see into John’s room.  Kristen was sitting on his bed, holding his hand in hers.  John was smiling and Marlena was shocked to feel a stab of jealousy as she watched them.

 

“Half an hour,” Duncan’s baritone was deep and melodious.  He hailed from Jamaica, and he had a voice that Marlena had always thought she could drift to sleep on.  “Dr. Tuckey has already tried to get rid of her once.”

 

“Yes well, she’s not easy to dislodge.  I know that only too well,” Marlena sighed and crossed her arms above her swollen stomach.  Kristen threw her head back and Marlena could hear her shriek of laughter even from where she stood.  The sound cut through her like the rough edge of a saw blade.  She couldn’t tear her eyes away as she saw John laugh with Kristen, and she watched him as he laid his hands gently on the intruder’s stomach.

 

That should be me.  It was irrational she knew.  John loved her and this was a charade for Kristen’s sake, but *damn* him he was playing it so well.  Watching them, Marlena felt all the old echoes of every time she had seen them together.  All the times in the DiMera mansion when she had walked into the room when they had been kissing, the times she had walked past their open bedroom, only to see them sleeping in each other’s arms.

 

Turning away, she pressed her fingers to her lips.  She suddenly wasn’t at all sure she could cope with this.  It reeked of betrayal and the pain was too recent, too fresh to relive.

 

“Marlena,” Duncan put his hand on her shoulder.

 

“It’s okay.” She held up her hand, “I’m okay.”

 

“This isn’t right,” Duncan muttered in his thick Caribbean cadence. “He shouldn’t be doin’ this t’you.”

 

“He has to,” Marlena whispered but she didn’t sound convincing.  “It’s the only way.”

 

“Is it worth it?” Duncan asked softly.  “When it’s such pain for you?  Are you sure it won’t come b’tween the two of you?”

 

“It’s worth it,” Marlena turned back to him and found chocolate brown eyes searching her intently to see if she believed her own answer, “it has to be.  We’ve been too far to lose now, Duncan.”

 

Duncan said nothing, but he looked thoughtful as he nodded slowly.

“Bye honey,” Kristen was at the door, her hands resting on the crest of her bulging stomach.  “Rest up and don’t forget I love you,” Marlena slipped around the corner so that Kristen couldn’t see her, but she could still hear John’s reply.

 

“Don’t forget, the moment anything happens with the baby, I want to know.”

 

“I won’t forget silly.”  Silence.  “John, aren’t you going to tell me you love me too?”  A pause.

 

“I love you, baby.”

 

Marlena backed away from the corner, unable to stomach listening to any more of it.  She knew John didn’t really mean it.  She suspected his use of the term baby meant he was really talking to the child Kristen was carrying but it was still so hard to hear him talk like that around Kristen.  Too many bad memories…..

 

“She’s gone Dr. Evans.”  Duncan’s deep voice interrupted her ruminations and Marlena smiled at him.

 

“Thanks Duncan.  You’re a good friend to both of us.  I really appreciate it.”

 

“Anything I can do.” He smiled at her; his teeth brilliant.  “You just let me know y’hear?”

 

“All right,” she assented with a slight hint of shyness.

 

“Go’on now,” he ushered her towards John’s room, “b’fore the witch comes back.”

 

Marlena flashed him one last grateful smile before making her way into John’s room.  Duncan closed the door behind her and positioned himself in front of it.  No-one was going to make it through him without killing him first.

 

 

“*Marlena*!” John’s face lit up when he saw her.  He hadn’t expected her this afternoon.  Mike had told him that she was resting, and he had steeled himself not to see her for close to a week.  It had been extremely hard to deal with Kristen not knowing when he would see that face he loved so much again.  “How are you baby?  Mike told me you fainted the other night.  I was worried.”

 

“I’m okay honey,” she smiled but he knew her too well.

 

“What’s wrong?” his brow wrinkled as he noticed how awkward she was.  “Doc, what’s wrong, has something happened?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” she smiled and came to the side of the bed.  “Nothing’s happened, everything is fine.” 

 

John eyed her deliberately.  He knew when she was lying.  There was something about her eyes, the way she wouldn’t quite look at him.

 

“Sweetheart, I wish you’d tell me.”  He waited but her eyes skirted his, drifting around the room as she picked at the bed cover.  His manner stiffened as he considered how best to deal with her.  “Marlena, I don’t want us to start over only to make the same mistakes we made last time,” he studied her, his blue eyes finally catching hers, ruthlessly intense.  “I want us to be able to talk to each other.  To be really honest.  Otherwise,” he shrugged, “what’s the point?  We go on misunderstanding and hurting each other.” 

 

His gaze softened as he saw her flinch.  “I don’t want to hurt you any more Marlena, I really don’t.  It’s the very last thing I want.  But I need your help baby.  I need you to tell me what’s upsetting you.”

 

Marlena stared back at him, her hazel eyes drowning in remembered sadness.  She didn’t *want* to dredge up the past.  It hurt too much.

 

“John, it’s not important,” she whispered.

“Don’t *do* that to me Marlena,” he was frustrated, and his face showed it. “Don’t shut me out.  It’s not fair.  On me, or on you.”

 

“Nothing’s *fair* John,” crossing one arm in front of her, she buried her face in one hand, trying desperately not to give in, not to break down.  Not to let him know how desperately she hurt.

 

“Marlena,” his voice was tender and for a moment it smoothed the ache in her heart, “honey, please talk to me.”  His velvety tone was beguiling as it crept closer towards her and when she felt his warm hand on her arm, she allowed him to pull it down.  His fingers flowed downwards until they linked around her wrist, and he tugged her towards him. 

 

Perching on the edge of the bed, Marlena looked at the linoleum floor and unconsciously counted to ten.  John said nothing, just waited for her.  He would wait as long as it took, as long as was necessary.  He loved her and he had all the time in the world for her.

 

Finally, she looked up at him.

 

“Do you know how hard it is to lie to everyone?” she asked in a disconsolate whisper.  “No-one understands why we’re not together.  I have to lie to Roman, to my *children*.  John, Belle asks when you’re coming home, and I don’t know what to say.”  Her chin trembled as she tried to hide the hurt that she felt.

 

“Oh Doc,” John enclosed her hand in his.  He had had to lie to those that had visited him too.  Shawn and Caroline and his precious Samantha.  It was hard, but he knew it must be so much harder for Marlena.  After all, this was none of her doing.  She was simply caught innocently in the middle of it.  As always.  “I’m sorry that you have to go through this.  I keep trying to think of some other way…” he shook his head defeatedly.  “I just can’t.”

 

Marlena nodded slightly but added nothing. 

 

John watched her, waiting, adding to the silence.  He could see her internal struggle.  She was probably trying to think of something to say, to change the subject; but whatever it was that had bothered her so much wasn’t about to sink from her consciousness.  She couldn’t ignore it, as much as she desperately wanted to and he knew he only needed to wait.

 

Pulling her hand from his, Marlena looked away again.

 

“I saw you with Kristen when I arrived,” her voice was curiously flat, and John immediately knew this was what she had been really upset about.  It had always been her way.  Anything that was too painful, she simply attempted to divorce herself from all emotion. 

 

He wondered exactly how much she had seen and heard.

 

“Honey, you know I was simply trying not to make her suspicious.”

 

“Yes, I know that,” her tone was terse.

 

“You don’t sound like you know it,” he was a little confused.  Marlena looked at him for a moment, the misery in her eyes making his heart ache.  Then she looked away, pulling her hand from his.

 

“What do you *want* from me John?  Do you want me to play happy about this?  Because I can’t.  I’ve had to do that once too often already.”

 

“Marlena,” he felt lost, outside her pain, closed off from what she was feeling.  “I’m not asking you to like it.  It’s just the way it has to be.  We agreed that.”  He watched the back of her head intently, but she didn’t move.  Away from his line of view, Marlena’s chin trembled, and she damned herself wordlessly for her lack of strength.

 

 Opening her mouth to speak, the emotion overwhelmed her, and she shut her mouth again, only the quick intake of breath betraying her.

 

“Doc?”

 

“John, I,” she bit on her lower lip, trying to distract herself from the aching she felt in her heart.  Eventually she felt as though she was under control again and she spoke evenly.  “It hurts seeing her with you.  That’s all.”

 

“But it’s not real, Doc,” John fought to understand what she really meant, the truth that was hidden so neatly behind the words.   “You know that it’s not real, so why are you letting it affect you like this?”

 

He knew he had hit a nerve when her head swung around, her hazel eyes glazed with misery.

 

“It feels real to me,” she slammed her clenched fist to her chest.  “In *here* it feels *real*.”  The tears glittered painfully as they spilt onto her cheeks and John felt as though his heart was breaking.  “I see you with her and it reminds me of *every* time I saw you together.  Every time you ignored me in favor of her.  Every time you denied what we meant to each other because Kristen was your one great ‘love’.”

 

“I *never* felt that Marlena,” he shook his head, his shocked eyes gray and pained.

 

“It was how you made *me* feel,” she wanted to flail at him with her fists, to scream at him, to make him feel the pain she felt.  But more than that, she just wanted to sob her heart out as he held her.  She didn’t really want him to feel her pain, she just wanted him to make her pain go away. 

 

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore and it broke my heart.”

 

“Oh baby,” John shook his head, his own tears on his cheeks, “why didn’t you tell me?”  He saw her balled fists tighten as she faced him, her face pale.

 

“How could I tell you?  You’d made it obvious *who* you loved.  My pride was the only thing left, John.  I’d given you my heart, I wasn’t about to throw that away on you too.”

 

John couldn’t bear seeing what he’d done to her, what he’d put her through.  But it was the proverbial catch twenty-two.  He might not deserve her, but to deny her wouldn’t ease her pain, it would just serve to cause her more.

 

“Sweetheart,” his eyes were solemn, as he laid his hands over her bleached knuckles, “I know I’ve hurt you.  I only wish I could go back and change that.  But we both know that it’s not possible.  So, all I can do is tell you I’m sorry until you’ve heard it enough to believe me.”

 

“Will sorry fix it, John?” she struggled with her tears, still unable to let him completely in, to let him see her weakness.  Her weakness that was him.

 

“Only if you let it Marlena,” he told her softly.  “Only if you trust me enough to let me try.” 

 

Gently, he slid his fingers beneath each fist, and he lifted them to his mouth.  Still watching her with darkened eyes, he dropped a warm, soft kiss onto each cool hand.

 

“I know you’re frightened, but you only have to remember that you love me, and I love you.”  He could see her golden eyes grow glassy with tears and he knew he was close.  “I *do* love you, Marlena.  You’re the only one I ever want to wake up beside.  You’re the only one I want to share my life and my dreams with.  And if you can’t quite believe me right now, I accept that.  I just want you to promise me you’ll let me prove it to you.”  Lifting her fists again, he repeated the kisses, still watching her eyes.  “Will you?”

 

Marlena said nothing but her eyes drifted downwards.  Worried, John lowered her hands back to the bed and used his fingers to lift her chin.

 

“Marlena?”

 

“They’re pretty words John,” her voice was drenched with emotion, “but that’s it.  They’re just words.”

 

“No, Doc,” he shook his head, why couldn’t she understand.  “They’re not just words.  They’re truth.”

“

I’m not sure what’s truth and what’s lies anymore,” she shook her head.  “I just know that I’m not sure that I can do what you and Gene are asking me to do.  There are too many memories, John, and I can’t forget them any more than I can forget how to breathe.  They’re part of who I am, and I just don’t know where that leaves us right now.”

 

John couldn’t speak for a moment as he let her words sink in.  However much she wanted to, she couldn’t let go of this, she couldn’t forgive him, and he wasn’t sure why he had expected her to.

 

“God, I really tore you apart, didn’t I?” his voice was deadened as he finally understood what she was trying to tell him.  He hadn’t just betrayed her, or their love.  What she felt went much deeper, as though somehow, through his actions and his lies, he had almost severed that once indestructible soul-deep bond they had.

 

With dark amber eyes, she nodded, the pain searing through her chest and throat as though trying to escape from the confines of her fragile body.

 

“How are we going to get through this, baby?” he asked her in a suddenly fearful voice.

 

“I don’t know,” a sob escaped with her words, and she knew she was lost.  Without ceremony, John took her hands again and pulled her to him, ignoring the pain in his shoulder as he did so. 

 

Marlena no longer had the willpower to resist him and, with engulfing sobs, she buried her face against his good shoulder and let herself drown in the pain.  John rolled over slightly and wrapped his arms around her, hiding his face in her fragrantly warm hair.  He held her tightly as she cried, wracking sobs giving way to quiet weeping which, after a time, would once again dissolve into heart-rending sobbing as Marlena finally unleashed the emotions that had been tormenting her for so long.

 

She felt his arms envelop her in his strong embrace and Marlena surrendered to him.  Here, in the arms of the man that had hurt her so, was oddly the one place she could really voice her grief.  In being the one that had betrayed her trust so, John had come full circle and had become the one that she could trust, the one person with whom she could really be herself.

 

But still, with each tear she shed, John felt both guilt and agony colliding within him.  It was his fault.  He should have known; he should have seen what he was doing to her.  His beautiful, strong, resilient Marlena. 

 

His own tears dampened her golden locks as he held her, hoping somehow that his arms would afford her the comfort she so desperately needed.  He just didn’t know what else he could do.  She had been carrying this around for so long he didn’t even know if there was a way to provide the healing that she needed.  But he would try, he would do anything for her.  He would give his soul for her if it would help.  He had almost, once, and he knew he would do it again if it were asked of him.

 

It seemed like an endless amount of time passed before Marlena’s weeping slowed and gave way to soft, wet hiccups.  John unwrapped his arms from around her and tender hands pushed her damp hair back from her face.  Solemnly, he looked at her, studying her face for some revelation of where the torrent of emotions had taken her.  She returned his gaze with equally curious eyes, glowing golden as he wiped the tears away with shaking thumbs.

 

And then, slow as a crocus in spring snow, a timorous smile bloomed on her face and John felt relief sweep through him.  He wasn’t sure later how long they had lay there like that, just looking at each other, simply content to relax in each other’s arms.  Every so often John would reach out and touch her cheek or smooth her hair and then he would drop his hand and resume his intimate exploration of her with his eyes.

 

After a time however, Marlena lowered her eyes to his hand and reached down with her own.  Slowly, she laced her fingers through his.

 

“Marlena,” John began hesitantly, “I’m so sorry sweetheart.  For…. for everything.”  He couldn’t even begin to list his catalogue of transgressions.  He could only hope she understood.  And from what he saw in her eyes, he suspected she did.

 

“Just promise me one thing,” her voice was hoarse and spent.

 

“Anything,” he whispered, his free hand playing with the wisps of hair around her neck.

 

“Don’t ever turn your back on me again.”  The emotion had taken its toll and her voice petered out to a whisper.  And yet, when John tried to talk, she silenced him with a simple look.  “All I ask is that you simply love me, and you never again give me occasion to doubt that love.  Because if you do John Black, I won’t be yours to win back again.”

 

Lifting the hand that was linked with his, John slid his fingers from hers and leaned down.  Clasping her fingers around the back, he pressed his warm lips to her palm.  His eyes never left hers through this whole ritual and when he lifted his head again, she felt as though the sea-blue of his eyes might wash over her and never release her from their grasp.

 

“I vow to you Marlena Evans,” his voice was almost guttural as he spoke, strong with conviction and devotion, “that I will never give you cause to doubt how much I love you.  I intend to spend every day of the rest of my life proving to you just how much you mean to me.”

 

“If only it were that easy,” she sighed as she reached out with her own fingers, touching them to his pliant lips, “I’m afraid it’s going to be a lot harder than that John.”

 

“Of course it is, Doc,” he whispered mildly.  “I don’t think our road was ever meant to be easy.  But that’s why we know exactly what we hold in our arms right now.  Our love might feel fragile but look at what it’s gotten us through baby.  We have been through so much, we have fought so many battles, that we know that this is something *truly* special.”  He smiled as he drew her hand up again and linked their fingers.  “This is how we are.  United by something blessed.  We have to cherish that and protect it because people want to tear it from us.  The *devil* wanted to take it from us Marlena, but we were too strong for him.”  The passion in his words made Marlena’s heart pound in her chest as she felt herself being swept away by his fervor.  “When we’re together baby, we can do anything.  And we must never forget that again.”

 

“That doesn’t mean that we don’t have more obstacles John,” she wasn’t sure that he could see the reality of the situation.  This was only the beginning.  “There’s only so much that ‘blessed love’ as you put it can achieve.  We’re still people and we’ve been hurt.  By each other, as well as other people.”  With a sadness in her eyes, she tenderly touched her fingertips his face again.  “There’s so much that’s happened, so much has been broken.  It’s not going to be easy to get over it, to rebuild the trust between us.”

 

“I know,” his voice was strained now.  “There’s a lot we need to talk about.  But we have to take it step by step, solve each problem as we come to it.  I have faith in us, in our ability to get through this sweetheart, we just have to do it *together*.”  Kissing her fingers again, he gave her a soulful smile.  “And that means no trying to hide how you’re really feeling.  No ‘it’s not important’s’.  No strong fronts.  If we start lying to each other about what we’re really feeling, it’s over before we’ve even started.”

 

“I know,” she nodded her head, “but you have to promise to be patient with me John.  I can’t unlearn a lifetime in one day.” 

 

“I know, sweetheart,” he pulled her closer, “I know.”

 

He held her for long minutes, just listening to her soft breaths and letting the scent and the soft silkiness of her fill him up.  She and the children were the *only* things important in his life.  It was as though he had been born on to this earth simply to find and love her.  There was no other reason for him to be here.

 

At last he moved slightly and took the opportunity to tilt her head again with a slight urge from his fingers.  Her hazel eyes and reddened lips evoked a pang of desire in him, and he had to fight the urge to kiss her, to run his hands over her body, to see how she reacted to his touch.

 

But no, there was time enough for that when they were ready. 

 

“Baby,” his gentle voice flowed over her, enveloping her in its loving calm.  “If this is too hard for you, we’ll find another way.  We’ll tell her the truth and we’ll find a way to make sure nothing happens.”  She looked at him, wanting to believe him, to be able to say yes to him.

 

“There is no other way John, we’ve already been through this,” her mouth turned down into an adorable little frown and John’s heart melted once again.

 

“We’ll *find* a way Doc.”  His fingers toyed with the hair at her temple as he smoothed it off her face.  “If I have to lock her in the bedroom at the loft for a month, we’ll find a way.”

 

“Oh honey,” she smiled at his assuredness, “I’ll be okay, really I will.  Let’s just stick with what we are sure of, okay?  A month or so isn’t worth our baby’s life, is it?”

 

John watched her closely to make sure she was really positive about what she was saying.  When he was satisfied she was, he nodded slowly.

 

“As long as you *talk* to me Doc.  I don’t want to turn around in a month and find out this has torn you apart so far that we can’t go back.”  The passion in his voice made her shiver, “I can’t risk losing you again.”

 

“You won’t,” she smiled sweetly at him, “and I promise to tell you what I’m feeling.  I might even make you regret you made me promise.”

 

“I’ll never regret anything that happens with you sweetheart,” he moved close and nuzzled her cheek, “except maybe the things that *don’t* happen with you.”

 

“Well let’s make sure that there are *no* regrets,” she whispered tenderly as she looked into his eyes, feeling herself being pulled into their azure depths.  She didn’t even have the will left to resist him anymore.  She just loved him so much she was quite happy to be lost to him forever.  Truth be known, she always had been.

 

“No regrets,” he repeated her whisper as their lips met in a gentle, sweet kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 98 – Dance With DiMentia

 

 

Kristen DiMera looked around the exam room irritably.  The only thing worse than being here at all, was being here alone.  John should be here.  He had his part in making this baby, he should damn well be there to help her though this. 

 

Taking a deep breath, Kristen reminded herself that John was confined to a hospital bed at the moment and *couldn’t* be with her.  The knowledge didn’t make it a whole lot easier though.  Especially when she thought about seeing Marlena come out of John’s room the other day.  John maintained that there was nothing between them, they were simply the good friends that they had always been, but Kristen didn’t like it.  She didn’t like it one little bit.

 

They had barely been talking to each other before John’s…’accident’.  So why were they now?  She frowned, her lips forming an ugly pout as she contemplated Marlena’s words to her in the corridor outside John’s room.  What will you do Kristen?  What can you *possibly* do that will change John’s feelings towards me?  And *still*, when all is said and done, *you* are not the one that John *really* wants.

 

Kristen bit the inside of her lower lip and pondered the sequence of events that had led her here.  If John was lying, surely she would know it.  She would be able to tell.  But why would he even be lying to her?  If he wanted to get back together with Marlena, why didn’t he just *do* it?  What was stopping him?

 

It was a good question, and one Kristen could not find an answer to.  And so, it was enough to mollify her for the moment.  But still, an uneasiness lingered in the back of her mind, feeding her instability, fertilizing her paranoia.

 

 

******

 

 

“That’s great Roman,” Trudie handed Roman a towel to wipe his face and she sat back, her face pink with exertion.  Roman gulped a lungful of air and grinned at the cute physiotherapist.  She had been working him hard the past few weeks, but he was finally starting to see some improvements.

 

Stretching out his leg he groaned slightly.

 

“I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.”

 

“As long as you keep moving on it now, it shouldn’t be too bad,” Trudie reminded him as she pushed a coil of mahogany hair off her forehead.

 

“How can I keep moving?  You’ve worn me out,” Roman threw himself back on the padded floor and stared up at her with a cheeky grin on his face.

 

I’d rather wear you out another way all together, Trudie thought to herself as she looked down at him.  She’d only seen Roman as his physio for seven sessions but if she had her way, she’d be seeing a whole lot more of him by the time she was done.  And not in a professional capacity either.

 

“Hello?”  Roman waved his hand in front of her blue eyes “Earth to Montgomery?”

 

“Mmmm, sorry?” Trudie shook her head.  She shouldn’t be having thoughts like this.  He was a patient.  Hell, he was Marlena Evan’s ex-husband.  She was new to town, and she didn’t know Marlena.  She knew *of* her, knew that she was a highly respected member of the psychiatry team and that most people seemed to like her around the hospital.  The last thing she needed to do was make an enemy of the woman before she’d been there five minutes.  She shouldn’t even be contemplating this.  But *lord* his chestnut brown eyes and the way his hair curled when it was damp….  Her stomach flipped involuntarily, and she managed a shaky smile.

 

 

“Sorry,” she muttered, “I was just thinking you should probably go and get some lunch after that workout.”

 

“Sounds like a great idea to me,” Roman pushed himself up onto his elbows, “I’m ravenous.  I think I’ll go by the folks and grab a burger.  Will you join me?”

 

Trudie blinked, not quite sure she had heard him right.

 

“You want me to go with you?  For lunch?”

 

“Yeah,” Roman grinned at her surprise.  She was nothing like Marlena, but there was something about this woman that he really liked.  A lot of things actually.  And she made him laugh.  It had been a long time since a woman had made him laugh.  “There’s no law against a patient asking his physio out for lunch is there?”

 

“No,” she returned quickly, “none at all.”

 

“Right then.” Roman nodded.  I’ll go and get changed and I’ll meet you back here all right?”

 

“Okay,” Trudie’s smile glittered in her cobalt eyes.  “Give me ten minutes.”

 

 

******

 

 

Dr. Buchanan handed Kristen her jacket and she shrugged it onto her shoulders.

 

“Kristen, I have to tell you I am concerned about your baby,” Daniel crossed his arms, holding the clipboard against his chest.  “You’re 38 and a half weeks but from the measurements it appears to the eye that this baby is only 34 weeks along.”  Kristen’s shoulders slumped.  There couldn’t be anything wrong with the baby.  She didn’t think she could stand to mother an imperfect child.

 

“Do you think it’s retarded?” she asked in a shaky voice.

 

“We hope not Kristen, but I think that the tranquilizers that you took may have had some effect on the development of the fetus in utero.”

 

“Is there anything you can do?” Kristen fixed him with wild eyes and the obstetrician felt a chill travel the length of his spine.

 

“There’s nothing *I* can do Kristen, this is something that is down to you,” he stared at her pointedly.  They had already had this conversation once and Kristen seemed to have completely ignored his directions.  “You need to rest.  That means *bed* rest.  You need to relax, and you need to take those supplements I prescribed you.”  He lifted a hand and scratched his gingery beard.  “You need to give this baby every chance you can for the next couple of weeks.  We want to get this baby as big and healthy as we can before you give birth.  I don’t care if you go even a couple of weeks over your due date.  The most important thing is the baby.”

 

“All right Dr. Buchanan,” Kristen looked sheepish.  She had meant to rest.  Really.  But then things just kept coming up and she had been planning the wedding……  She scowled.   She and John should be married by now.

 

“Kristen?” Daniel Buchanan interrupted her ruminations, “I’d like to see you again next week and we’ll see how the baby is doing.  Hopefully with the right management, the baby will be able to do some catching up.”  Kristen nodded silently.  She didn’t really care one way or another if the baby came now or in a month’s time.  If it was born a little sickly, well that would give John all the more reason to stay close, wouldn’t it?

 

Dr. Buchanan watched her eyes closely and suddenly seemed to come to a decision.

 

“I’m going to suggest that Mr. Black hire a nurse to look after you while he’s in hospital,” the doctor

told her.  “He’s obviously not going to be able to look after you and even after he is discharged you will still need the extra help.”  Kristen’s eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed in annoyance.  This she hadn’t expected and this she certainly didn’t want.

 

“But I don’t need some stranger in my house,” Kristen protested.  “I can look after myself.  There’s my brother and my friends….”  What friends? a small voice whispered at the back of her mind.  Even Jennifer doesn’t want anything to do with you now.

 

“No, I think this is the best way of ensuring that everything is under control.”  Buchanan seemed to be talking to himself rather than to Kristen.  “After all, if you were to go into labor while no-one was there….”  He shook his head.  “No, this is definitely the best way.  I will arrange it with Mr. Black this afternoon.”

 

Kristen glared at him as he turned his back.  She would have gladly slipped a knife in between his ribs at this point, but some scrap of sanity told her that wasn’t exactly going to make life easier for her.

 

“All right then,” she muttered grudgingly as she slipped off the bed.  If she couldn’t fight this, she could at least use it to her best advantage and elicit some sympathy from John.

 

 

******

 

 

Roman was leaning against the wall waiting for Trudie when he saw Kristen walking towards him.  She seemed to be wrapped up in her own thoughts as she wandered slowly down the hallway.  Pressing himself back against the wall so that he was in the shadow of the corner, he watched her as she rubbed her protruding belly.  It was only a moment later that she was in earshot.

 

“Well, let’s see what daddy thinks of this shall we?  Maybe if he knows that you’re not doing so good it’ll get his mind off that whore for five minutes.”  She sighed heavily, an ugly expression sliding onto her face.  “Why couldn’t she just keep the *hell* away from us?  That bitch can’t keep her filthy hands to herself.  She wants your daddy, baby, even though she’s already been screwing half of Salem.  Well, we won’t let her have him, will we?  She’ll go to hell before she lays one of her oh so perfect hands on him.  We’ll see to that won’t we, sweetie?”

 

Roman shrank back even further as Kristen looked sideways, a smirk betraying her thoughts.

 

“She wouldn’t even know what *hit* her.  Precious “Doc” wouldn’t be oh so perfect then would she baby?”  The foul expression vanquished the smile and Kristen narrowed her eyes.  “She’d better just watch herself.  Because if she thinks we’re giving up John without fighting the good fight, she’s oh so very *wrong*…..”

 

Roman felt the adrenaline buzzing in his ears as he watched Kristen wander down the corridor.  God, she was completely insane.  He had suspected she was not exactly lucid at the Penthouse Grille, but dear God, this was something altogether different.  She was talking about hurting Marlena, and as far as she knew, Marlena was with Eugene and wanted nothing to do with John.  Maybe she *suspected* something else, but to be so vitriolic about Marlena with no firm reason….

 

Roman shivered.  He suddenly completely understood why Marlena and John had chosen to keep the truth silent for now.  But he was also abruptly very frightened for his ex-wife.  Kristen was just insane enough to carry through with her threats and she hated Marlena enough to show no mercy.  And if her own baby was simply a pawn in her sick game, she would have no respect for the life of Marlena’s child.  Especially if she were to find out it was John’s.

 

“Hey there you, I’m ready,” Trudie stopped short as she caught a glimpse of Roman’s ashen face.  “Roman, what’s wrong, what’s happened?”

 

“Nothing …. yet,” he turned to her, trying to shake the lingering dread that suffused him.

“Roman, you don’t look like it’s nothing,” she put her hand on his arm, her face conveying her concern.  “Is it something you want to talk about?”

 

“Not really,” Roman shook his head and managed to find a smile from somewhere.  He’d asked Trudie out to lunch and she deserved his full attention.  He would find Marlena and John after lunch and fill them in on what he heard.   “C’mon, let’s go.”

 

“Are you sure?” Trudie hung back as he took her arm.  Something had upset him, that much she knew, and she wasn’t sure that he really wanted to forget about it right now.  “You know, we can do this another time.”

 

“Sure, we can do it another time,” Roman’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he grinned, “but I’d like to do it now as well.”  Taking her hand, he pulled on it, “So let’s go.  I’m hungry.”

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen heard the laughter as she neared John’s room and her stomach immediately curdled.  Her hands screwed up into fists as she glared at Duncan.  He looked back at her artlessly and her eyes narrowed.  He was in cahoots with that witch, she *knew* it.  *Damn* her.  Damn them *ALL*.

 

Pursing her lips so hard that they appeared bloodless, Kristen walked to the open doorway.  Mike Horton was in there, taking John’s blood pressure while Marlena sat on the edge of the bed, her skirt hiked up her thigh.  Kristen didn’t know about John’s blood pressure, but she could feel her own rocket as she watched Marlena throw back her head and utter a throaty laugh before she swiped at John with a playful hand. 

 

John was laughing too, his blue eyes flashing in a way that Kristen realized she had not seen in a long time.  Jealousy flooded her as she watched John reach out and touch Marlena’s hand as he reminded her about some sign in sheet.  Obviously *ancient* history and something Kristen would rather was left in the garbage heap of John and Marlena’s past, judging by the way the two of them were giggling.

 

She could barely move, the fury that streamed through her was scalding but she knew she had to calm down.  This stress would do the baby no good, and she couldn’t let John see that this bothered her so much.  If something was going on between John and the whore shrink, she couldn’t let them see that she was suspicious.  Not yet.

 

Neither John, nor Mike had seen Kristen yet, and Marlena had her back to the other woman.  Enjoying herself so much she hadn’t even thought to check that Mike had closed the door when he had come in.  But she had work today and she couldn’t stay here all afternoon.  Pulling her jacket closer around her, she slid off the bed and straightened her skirt.

 

“I’d better go,” Marlena tapped the face of her gold watch.  “Patient.”

 

“Why hurry off now Marlena?” Kristen’s cool voice ventured from the doorway.  “After all, you were having *such* a good time.”

 

“Kristen!” Marlena whirled around on her heel.

 

“Were you expecting somebody else?”  Kristen didn’t like the startled expressions that suddenly developed on John and Marlena’s faces.  Like somebody had caught them doing something they shouldn’t have been.

 

“I have to go,” Marlena repeated in a firm voice as she turned back to John.  The best way in her estimation to treat Kristen, was to essentially treat her like she didn’t exist.

 

“Oh, please don’t let me interrupt your touching goodbye,” Kristen smirked as she pulled her jacket off.

 

 

Marlena looked at John, her jaw set in tenseness.  John wanted to take her hand and squeeze it, but his nerves were all on edge.  Obviously, Kristen didn’t like seeing the two of them together and he didn’t want to do anything that would make her the least bit suspicious.

 

“Take care John,” her voice was cold and it made John cringe internally.  He could read how much she hated this in every move she made but he could do nothing about it.  “I’ll bring the kids in to see you as soon as I can.”

 

“That will be nice,” he returned in a carefully neutral tone.  “Have a nice week, Doc.”

 

Her eyes flashed with something he couldn’t quite read and then she turned away from him.  Kristen watched Marlena carefully as she walked towards her.  She saw her eyes avert to her swollen belly and Kristen unconsciously lay her hand across it.  At that, Marlena’s eyes flickered back to Kristen’s face and Kristen caught an instant of pure loathing in them. 

 

Involuntarily she stepped back and let Marlena pass, and then the psychiatrist was gone.  Shaking her head with a modicum of surprise, Kristen focused on John.

 

“Sometimes I really think Marlena doesn’t like me.”

 

John was silent for a moment, astounded by Kristen’s…. he wasn’t sure whether it was her audacity or her insanity.

 

“Ah…I don’t know why you would think that Kristen,” he almost choked on the words, unable to put any kind of feeling into them. 

 

“Hrrrmmm,” Mike suddenly had a convulsive coughing fit and had to leave the room.  Kristen ignored him completely as she advanced into the room.

 

“It’s just the way she looks at me John and the way she speaks to me.  It’s just the impression I get,” she shrugged her shoulders and dropped her jacket on the end of John’s bed.  “I don’t know why she has to come and visit you so much.  She’s got Eugene, hasn’t she?”

 

“She’s just being kind and visiting Kristen, we *are* friends,” John tried hard not to let his antipathy for this monster show.

 

 “I don’t *like* her hanging around so much John,” Kristen’s face was stony, “it’s not right.  She has her own man; she doesn’t need to monopolize you as well.”

 

“She’s Belle’s mother Kristen,” John raised his eyebrows, “and she’s in my life whether you like it or not.  You’d just better get used to it.”  Realizing how cold he sounded, he took a deep breath.  Easy does it John.  Don’t give her any reason to doubt you.  “I do promise you, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.  I’m committed to you and our baby now and Marlena has Eugene and their baby.  Everything is going to work out just fine.”

 

“I hope so John,” Kristen sank onto his bed.  She had to play this right or she’d blow it.  Better to make John feel sorry for her than angry *at* her at this point.   “I’m sorry I just get a little jealous because I know your history and the bond the two of you share.  It makes me insecure sometimes.  I’m sorry if I get a little crazy.”  She still wasn’t entirely convinced by John’s words; he didn’t seem particularly vehement in his need to make her believe him.  But it was best not to let him know that right now.

 

“That’s okay, I understand,” John nodded his head and Kristen noticed that he didn’t reach for her in the way he had for Marlena and there was no term of endearment tacked on to the end of the words.  This wasn’t right, something was up.

 

“There’s something else, John,” Kristen twisted the corner of her sheet between her fingers.

“What is it, Kristen?” John tried to sound interested but really, he just wished she’d go and bother someone else.  It wasn’t going to happen though, so with resignation, he tried to look concerned.

 

Kristen looked at him with big, worried eyes and chewed on her lower lip.  “What is it?” he repeated himself.

 

“I went to see Dr. Buchanan this morning for my pre-natal check-up,” she said slowly.  “John, he says the baby is developing too slowly and he’s worried there might be complications.”

 

“What sort of complications?” John asked, a little too quickly.

 

“He didn’t really say,” she prevaricated with some vagueness.  “He’s worried about the baby’s size, it’s about five weeks behind what it should be.  He wants me to have complete bed rest until the baby is born and he wants you to hire a nurse to look after me.”  She scrunched up her face, trying to produce something that would pass for tears.  “John, I’m scared.  What if something is wrong with our baby?”

 

“Did he *say* anything was wrong Kristen?”  John’s fingers were gripping her arm tightly and Kristen tried to pull away from him.

 

“No, he said that they can’t tell if anything is wrong, not until it’s born.”  She tugged her arm again, “Ow John, let go, you’re hurting me.”

 

“Oh God, I’m sorry Kristen,” he looked at her arm, quite horrified at the white indentations that his fingertips had left around her lower arm, “I’m sorry baby, I’m just worried too.”

 

 

Kristen’s chin trembled before she buried her face in her hands and pretended to weep.

“It’ll be okay honey,” John put his hand on her shoulder and against his better judgement, pulled her to him.  “Everything will be okay, the baby will be born fine and healthy.  Just you wait and see.”

 

Clinging to him, Kristen smiled secretly as she felt his arms enfold her. 

 

 

******

 

 

“So what?  You never even got any of the letters?”  Trudie was stunned.  “Wow, that’s a bit rough.”

 

“Well, it was worse for the family I think because at least I had no idea what was going on.  I think they just thought I didn’t care.”  Roman dipped a french fry in the ketchup on his plate and bit off the end of it.  “And maybe it was better that I didn’t know at the time or I would have wanted to come straight home.  And I wasn’t really in the state to go anywhere.”  He raised his eyebrows.

 

“You’ve made wonderful progress since you’ve been home though,” it was a statement of fact from a professional, not simply a compliment.

 

“Ironic really,” Roman smiled, “that my family should be the ones to give me the inspiration to heal.”

 

“Not really ironic,” Trudie stole one of his fries with a grin, “pretty natural I would say.”

 

“So, what about you Dr. Montgomery?” Roman raised his eyebrows, “You have the advantage on me.  How about you share some of your deep dark secrets.”

 

“Oh no, I think we’d be here all night,” Trudie’s smile brightened, “though on second thoughts, maybe I like that idea.”

 

“Well….” Roman gave her a wicked little grin, “I do have to go back to the hospital to talk to Marlena, but after that how about we meet up and you can fill me in.”

 

“Oh behave,” Trudie took a long sip of her beer.  Or even better, how about you fill *me* in.  “Here.  At six.  And I’ll show you one of my favorite haunts.”

 

“Six,” Roman grabbed his jacket, the wicked grin reflected in the glint in his eyes.  “You’re on.” 

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena sat in her office and dropped her head into her hands.  She should be able to deal with this situation better than she was.  Seeing Kristen just about drove her crazy and knowing that the woman bore her child made it all the worse.

 

She looked at the phone for a long moment and then reached out and lifted the receiver.  Pursing her lips, she contemplated the cool object in her hand for a moment and then let it drop back into its cradle.  She couldn’t keep calling Gene every time she had a small crisis.  She was a strong woman; she could deal with this on her own.

 

And maybe if she kept telling herself that it would actually come true.

 

Walking to the sofa, she sank into the welcoming plumpness.  Deep inside her, John’s baby stirred, and she gave a sad smile as she crossed her arms across the bump of her stomach.

 

“We just have to hang on a little while baby, just a little while longer.”  Pulling her feet, she leant her head against the well-padded back of the sofa.  A tear trembled on her lash for a moment as she hugged herself tighter, trying to extinguish the loneliness she felt.  And then it lost its tenuous grip and tumbled to her cheek. 

 

“Just a little while longer.”

 

 

******

 

 

Q sat alone on the balcony of the penthouse, bouncing one of Brady’s small rubber balls idly against the patio floor.  As he felt the small object smack repetitively into his hand, he watched a gull wheeling over the river, outlined black against the blue sky.

 

“Well, well,” Q didn’t even twitch at the voice that came from the chair beside him, “busy day I see.”

 

“I’ve been waiting for you,” his voice was mellow with a hint of resignation.

 

“Oh Q, you’re not going to get all maudlin on me, are you?” Q2 leaned over and waved his very human looking hand in front of Q’s face.  Q barely blinked and continued to watch the gull as it swooped across the wide expanse of sky that stretched above the mountain range to the east.  “I mean, you *won* after all.  You should be dancing in the streets.”

 

“Please don’t play games with me Q,” Gene sounded weary as he placed the ball on the table in front of him.  He had been waiting for this day, especially now that John and Marlena were back together.  He had fulfilled his end of the bargain.  What was left for him to do here now?  “You can take me back, or you can cast me to oblivion, just don’t expect me to go laughing.  We both know what I did.  And I don’t intend to beg again.  So do what you will.”

 

“Well Q,” Q2 purse his lips thoughtfully and raised his eyebrows, “I can’t deny you caused some consternation in the Continuum with that little stunt.  You were *quite* believable.  Of course, we should have known you couldn’t be trusted.”

“I would have done anything to get back to her Q,” Gene wasn’t sure he could take Q2’s mocking but he couldn’t help himself where Marlena was concerned.

 

“Well apparently.”  Q2 nodded quietly amused.  “But, of course, by the time we knew about it, you were already making a fool of yourself and that was that.”

 

Q turned furious eyes to his compatriot. 

 

“I don’t care what any of you think,” he stormed.  “I *had* to get back to her.”

 

“Woah there boy,” Q2 held up his hand with a facetious grin, “you and your beautiful blonde really are quite an engaging diversion.  But I do wonder if you ever contemplated why it is that the renegade Q wanted to help you *hide* your intentions from the Continuum at large.  You must have known that they couldn’t forever.  And you can’t hide Q, not from us.”

 

“I don’t particularly care what motivated them,” Q replied sullenly.

 

“Well maybe you should have,” Q2 disappeared for a moment and Q’s eyes swiveled from left to right, wondering where Q2 would reappear next.  He was starting to get a little pissed off when Q2 eventually reappeared, sitting on the table in front of him and continued as though nothing had happened.   “After all, what you don’t seem to realize, is that they didn’t keep their word.  The Continuum became aware of your intentions shortly after you left.  It was only because they were interested to see the sweet doctor’s reaction that they let you go, Q.”

 

“They what?”  Q was genuinely confused.  The renegade faction of the Q had promised to keep his intentions secret as long as they were able.

 

“It seems they wanted you out of the picture Q,” Q2 raised his eyebrows.  “We guess that their intention was to have you succeed in your quest to persuade the blonde vixen to run off with you,” he grinned devilishly, “only to let the Q in on your little secret at the opportune time.  Then you would be brought back to account for your actions, leaving the sexy little doc defenseless.”

 

“Against what?” Q’s mind was too busy spinning to defend Marlena against Q2’s insinuations.  He hadn’t even wondered about these dissenters and here they were betraying him. 

 

He needed to know why.

 

“Well, as to that,” Q2 shrugged indolently, “your guess is as good as ours.”  Q glared at him angrily.

 

“You must have *some* idea as to their motives.”

 

“Well, as best we can figure Q, apparently this group of dissidents would like to see the timeline remain in its fractured state.  We haven’t quite worked out why that is yet.”  Q2 stood and wandered to the railing, seemingly interested by the town below.  “They have scattered to all corners of the universe and the couple we have taken into custody refuse to tell us why.  Unfortunately, this is causing quite some problem back home, Q.”

 

“Problem?” Q’s brow puckered.

 

“The Q are disagreeing, about you, about the faction.  It’s caused some…shall we say some disputes.”  Q suddenly looked more closely at Q2.  He looked tired and he was much less acerbic than usual Q realized. 

 

“What does this mean for me?” he asked almost intrigued.

 

“We think that one of the defectors is here in Salem and we want you to keep an eye out.  In the meantime, you are to stay close to” Q2 cracked a grin “the fair Marlena, and make sure the child she carries remains unharmed.  Stefano DiMera must not be allowed to get his hands on her or either of the children.  If he does, it could be disastrous.”

 

“Obviously DiMera is not dead,” Q pondered Q2’s words.

 

“Of course he’s not,” Q2 rolled his eyes, “don’t you listen to *anything* I tell you Q?  He’s Q, albeit without many of his powers.  He cannot be killed but by another Q.”

 

“Is there any indication as to where he is?” Q asked, troubled by Q2’s revelations.

 

“It’s hard to tell, he seems to be able to hide from us with some skill, but we believe he is close to Salem.”  Q2 frowned.  “Maybe closer than we know.”

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen stood on the balcony, her elbows making good use of the railing.  The city seemed to be bursting to life beneath her.  Spring had come late this year but now that it was here, it was taking hold fast.  The trees in the park were already verdant with new leaves and Kristen could almost smell the earthy warmth in the air.  But really, she could have cared less about any of it.

 

Dr. Buchanan had interrupted her visit with John, and he was now trying to find a nurse to look after her.  Like she *needed* a nurse to dog her every move.  The idea was simply ridiculous. 

 

Still, she and Peter would find a way to deal with it.  She was waiting for him now while mulling over the last few days in her mind.  She had given Duncan a long, hard look when she’d come out of the room earlier and she was more convinced than ever that he was in on some plot to keep her from seeing too much of John.

 

Of course, if that was the case, then that b*tch Marlena was probably involved.  Kristen thought about how she had been there when John had woken and how she had seen her coming out of John’s room several days later.  And then today….

 

God Kristen hated her.  The only pleasure she got when thinking of Marlena was the thought of throwing her off a balcony like this, or feeling her fingers around Marlena’s throat, slowly squeezing the life out of her as she tried to beg for mercy. 

 

In her more psychotic moments, Kristen would fantasize about how Marlena would look as she realized she was going to die, the fear in her eyes, the terror shaking her body.  It made Kristen feel powerful and it gave her quite a rush to think of destroying her enemy in such a way.  The idea of having Marlena out of her life, out of John’s life forever was almost too irresistible for words and not for the first time, Kristen found herself getting quite excited.

 

“Krissy?” Peter’s voice came from behind her. “What’s up?”

 

“Peter!”  Peter was quite shocked as Kristen turned to him.  Her eyes had a wild quality that quite scared him, and her lips were scarlet in a pale face.  “Peter, I need you to do something for me.”

 

“W…. what?”  He didn’t sound at all sure that whatever she would suggest would be even close to a good idea.

 

“I need you to have someone watch Marlena,” Kristen said in a low voice.

 

“Marlena?” Peter repeated looking at Kristen with some confusion.

 

“I think she and John are sneaking around behind my back Peter.  I think they have some kind of secret tryst going on, she goes to see him and then that f*cking guard makes sure I stay out.”

 

“What makes you think that Krissy?” Peter put his hand on her arm, hoping it would calm her a little.

 

“I found that b*tch in John’s room today,” Kristen hissed.  “I know there’s something going on.  I just *know* it.”

 

“Krissy, don’t get so upset.  They’re friends.  She’s the mother of his daughter.  Of course, she’s going to visit him.”

 

“She *wants* him Peter.  I can *smell* it.”  Kristen had developed a feral gleam in her eyes.  “Well, let her *try*.  Because if that slut thinks she can get in the way of me getting what I want, she’s got another thing coming.”

 

“Kristen!” to Peter, his sister sounded half-crazy, and it frightened him.  There was no telling what she could do in this state.

 

“I vow to you here and now Peter.  If Marlena tries to come in between me and John,” Kristen slammed a fist into her open palm with a cruel smile, “I will make her *pay*.”

 

 

******

 

 

Roman turned away from the door, his eyes fearful.  He had seen Peter go out to the balcony, and intrigued, he had followed him.  After what he had overheard earlier on today, he now had no doubt that Kristen was completely deranged, and dangerous with it.

 

He sincerely believed that if she found out that Marlena was really pregnant with John’s child that she might try to hurt her, or even worse.  Roman had to make sure that didn’t happen.

 

Hurrying down the corridor, he traced the familiar route to Marlena’s office.  After all these years he could almost do it with his eyes closed.  He only hoped that she was there.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena barely heard the first knock on her office door but the second was more insistent and she raised her head tiredly.

 

“Who is it?” her voice was raspy.

 

“Doc, it’s Roman.”  She heard the pause in his voice as he tried to figure out what was wrong.

 

“Oh Roman,” she straightened up on the couch and swiftly wiped the tears from under her eyes.  “Come in.”

 

Roman opened the door tentatively.

 

“Sorry if I’m in-” seeing her face he stopped short.  Closing the door quickly behind him he came to where she was sitting.  “What’s wrong Doc, are you okay?”  Marlena’s smile was pinched as she nodded unconvincingly. 

 

“C’mon sweetheart, you don’t normally cry for no reason.”  He took her hands in his as he perched on the edge of the seat next to her.

 

“Oh Roman,” fresh tears wet her cheeks as she shook her head.  “I…. I’m just….” she lifted a hand and flicked her fingers over her cheeks again.  With a tear-choked giggle, she looked at him.  “I’m sorry, I must look a sight.”

 

“You look wonderful,” he said softly.  She always looked wonderful to him.  “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“Oh,” she shrugged her shoulders jadedly, “I think it’s mainly hormones.  I’m just finding it very hard to walk away from John as though nothing matters.  Especially when Kristen is there.”  The pitch of her voice dropped as she spoke Kristen’s name and Roman felt her tense beside him.

 

“I know it must be hard Doc,” he whispered, squeezing her fingers, trying to ignore how she made him feel, even after all these years.  “But listen Marlena, you have to be *very* careful where Kristen is concerned.”

 

Sitting back, Marlena looked at him, her brows knitting in consternation.

 

“That’s not exactly what I expected to hear from you Roman,” she answered carefully.

 

“Doc, I’m really sorry about the other night,” Roman admitted.  “I was way too hard on you.  I know I can be judgmental,” he grinned contritely, “and I’ve tried real hard to work on that in the last few years.  Sometimes I just slip up.  This was one of those times.  I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh Roman,” she sighed, “you don’t need to apologize.  I just wish this was all so different.  That we didn’t have to feel this way.”

 

“No point on wasting all your wishes on the past Doc,” Roman reminded her lightly, “save them for the things you can change in the future.”

 

“Oh, you’re a wise man Roman Brady,” she smiled despite herself.  “But what did you mean about Kristen?” 

 

“Doc,” Roman took a deep breath.  He was still questioning his judgement in telling her this, but he knew he had to.  “I happened to overhear Kristen a few minutes ago.  She suspects that there’s something going on between you and John.”  Marlena sighed and pulled her hands from Romans.  Dropping her head, she rubbed her fingertips across her suddenly aching forehead.

 

“John’s been trying to reassure her that there’s nothing to worry about,” her voice was low and Roman couldn’t discern any stray emotion, “but his heart’s not in it, Roman.  And….” she paused briefly, “I guess I haven’t really helped in that regard.”

 

“Doc, I know that this has to be hell for you but I’m *extremely* concerned about Kristen’s state of mind.”  Roman squeezed her hand, trying to make her understand that this was serious.  “I really think she’s close to going completely mad Marlena.”

 

Marlena sat back and blinked slowly as she tried to make sense of what he was telling her.  What scared her was that Roman was not prone to exaggeration.  And she was sure he would not be trying to scare her like this if he wasn’t genuinely sure she was in some sort of danger.  But still…

 

“I know she’s not exactly controlled Roman, but what makes you think that she’s crazy?”

 

“Doc, when I overheard her….”  He paused, thinking of Marlena’s fainting spell the other night.  He really shouldn’t be putting her under this sort of stress.  But on the other hand, she really needed to know the sort of danger she was in.  What if he said nothing and Kristen caught her by surprise?  He would never be able to forgive himself.  He could try and protect her as much as he could, but the truth was, he couldn’t be with her 24 hours a day and he’d probably send her crazy if he tried.  This was the only way he could begin to ensure her safety; he knew that.  “She was very angry Marlena.  She thinks you’re trying to steal John away from her.”  He took Marlena’s hand in between his again.  “She sounded very determined, and it frightened me to think of the lengths she might go to….”

 

“You really think….?”  It was so hard for Marlena to comprehend the thought of someone trying to hurt another human being.  But she was a psychiatrist, and she knew only too well that when people felt they were pushed too hard, it was entirely possible that they could be driven to do irrational or harmful things.

 

“Doc, you didn’t see the look on her face,” Roman shuddered visibly as he thought of what he had seen.  “it was like she got some kind of kick out of threatening you.  It made me really frightened for you.” 

 

Marlena shrank from her ex-husband as she tried to take in his words.  Crossing her arms in front of her, she hunched over as she stared at the carpet.  Could this possibly get any worse?

 

“Doc, I think we should go and see John,” Roman said with quiet encouragement, “I think you could use his support right now, and he should know what is going on too.”  Marlena was silent but she nodded her assent.  She really needed John’s love and his quiet strength right now.

 

Letting Roman help her up from the sofa, she followed him to the door, wondering silently how much more of this she could take.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 99 – Release

 

 

John lay back against his pillows silently and contemplated the ceiling.  He wondered exactly how many times it was he had explored this ceiling with his eyes in the last few weeks.  He would probably dream about it when he went home.  It would be better than the dreams he was having right now at any rate.

 

“John?”  Marlena pushed open the door quietly, “honey, are you awake?” 

 

His eyes widened as he peered at her in the dim light.  It was late and he would have thought she would have been home, putting the children to bed.

 

“Doc, what are you doing here?”

 

“What a lovely greeting that is,” she teased him quietly.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry baby, I just didn’t expect you to come tonight,” he took her hand in his as she came to the bed.

 

“I have to take my chances when I can,” she leaned over and pressed her lips softly against his.  He moaned slightly and lifted his hand, burying his fingers in her hair. 

 

Marlena felt the heady rush of desire as his lips crushed hers and she welcomed his passion as a fierce reflection of her own.

 

“Honey,” she pulled back with a breathless exclamation, “I can’t stay for long.”

 

“Oh Doc,” his words were little more than a frustrated groan.

 

“I know, baby,” she whispered, burying her face against his warm neck, “I know.”

 

It had been almost two weeks since Roman had told her about Kristen, and they had gone to see John.  They had agreed between themselves that it was safer to keep their distance for now.  At least until John got out of hospital.  But it wasn’t exactly that easy.  Marlena had found herself outside John’s room with quite some bemusement on several occasions, and they had snatched sweet moments where they could.

 

But simply they were frustrated and as Kristen’s due date approached, they found it harder rather than easier to be apart.  Marlena particularly felt edgy, knowing that Kristen was supposed to be confined to bed and yet seeing her shopping at Salem place or lunching with her brother.  Biting her tongue was not as easy as she had thought, especially when she had overheard Kristen calling the baby a little brat.  

 

“Baby, I’ll be out of this bed real soon,” John promised, “and Kristen is due in a couple of days, so surely it can’t be too much longer.”  He kissed her forehead.  “We just have to hang in there, sweetheart.”

 

“I know,” Marlena’s eyes were shadowed in the soft light, but her face broke into a beautiful smile as she looked up at him.  “I think I can get thought anything if I know you’re by my side.”

 

“Always,” he smiled in reply before he leaned down to capture her lips with his.

 

Marlena closed her eyes and concentrated on the softness of his lips as they brushed against her own, eliciting a tingle that seemed to explode inside her.  Again, his lips fluttered past hers and she drew in a sharp breath as she felt his hand on her thigh.  She longed for him so badly that it hurt, and she searched for him instinctively, moaning as she felt his lips taking hers, his tongue slipping between them, searching for that intimate bond that they had denied for so long.  At the same time, his fingers massaged her nylon clad skin as her own slid into John’s hair, striving to become ever closer to one another.

 

Suddenly John tensed and Marlena broke the kiss as she felt his panic build.

“John?” she slipped her palm around to his cheek and waited for him to open his eyes.  Then she caught him with an urgent glance.  “What is it honey?”

 

He said nothing for a moment, reliving the horrible vision in his mind, the one that had haunted his dreams lately and was now infecting his waking moments.

 

“Marlena,” she could tell from his voice that he was shaken, and she knew that the question that she had dreaded was most probably on the way.  “Why won’t you tell me what happened?  Why won’t you tell me what put me in here?”

 

Marlena looked down and composed her thoughts, focusing on the large, callused hand that lay, forgotten against her leg. 

 

“I’ve been avoiding it,” she told him honestly, “and you didn’t seem particularly eager to know.  I really wanted to wait until you are ready to deal with it.”

 

“Do you think I’m ready to deal with it?” he asked in a shaky voice.

 

“Do *you*?”  The sweet amber of Marlena’s eyes were submerged in sadness and for a moment John was unsure if he was.

 

“I’ve been having dreams Doc,” he told her in a low voice, “actually, they’re nightmares.  I *need* to know.”

 

“Oh baby,” her fingers slipped mournfully over his cheek and down to his chest.  Her eyes flickered momentarily to the small cushion of gauze that still covered his injury and her brow crumpled unhappily.

 

“What was it Doc?”  John asked gently.  Marlena looked up at him, his eyes quietly questioning, and she pressed her lips together and looked away again. 

 

She had been to see Carrie only yesterday, but her stepdaughter had simply stared into the distance, unseeing, unknowing that anyone else was even there. 

 

It broke Marlena’s heart to see her there so alone, to feel so powerless to help her.  In her darkest moments she wondered why, when she was a practicing psychiatrist, she was unable to help those she cared the most about.  But there was no helping Carrie, she knew that really.  There was nothing that she could do, except for sit and hold her hand and pray that one day the beautiful strong young woman she knew would awaken inside this dormant shell that Carrie had become.

 

“Doc?” John’s voice brought her back to the hospital room and she stilled herself before taking a deep breath.

 

“Well, I think you’ve probably gathered that you were shot,” she started in a voice that was surprisingly stronger than she expected it to be.

 

“I’m an ex-cop Doc,” John managed a grin, “I might be an idiot sometimes, but there’s some things I do remember.  I know what a gunshot wound looks like.”  He looked down at his shoulder ruefully and touched tentative fingers to it.  “Fairly close range too, I think.”

 

“It was,” Marlena nodded, feeling herself detaching slightly.  ‘Doctor-mode’ could be a blessing sometimes.  “Well, you know I told you that you were at the Penthouse Grill.  Kristen had organized a surprise…. party,” her nose wrinkled betraying her distaste and John couldn’t help smiling lovingly at her.  “I think I told you that it was actually more than a party.  She was intending it to be a wedding.”  She looked at John, her eyebrows raised.  “*Your* wedding.”

 

“You did tell me,” his repugnance equaled hers in measure, “But I’m still having a hard time coming to grips with it…. *My* wedding.”  Any disbelief dissipated as he remembered Kristen in her white dress with the flowers.

“Mmmm-hmmm,” Marlena nodded her head.  “She asked you to marry her in front of everyone.  Our family and friends.”

 

“She really thought I would *marry* her?”  John was truly astounded at that notion.  Although again he supposed he really shouldn’t be when he remembered what Roman had said the other week.

 

“Apparently so,” Marlena didn’t try to hide the chuckle that simmered in her voice.  “And she was none too happy when you told her you couldn’t.”  John grinned. 

 

“I was going to tell her it was because I was in love with you.”

 

“I know,” Marlena tilted her head to one side with a sweet smile.  “I think it was that moment that I truly realized that there is nothing that can keep us apart.”

 

“I do love you,” he whispered tenderly lifting his hand to her face.

 

“I love you too,” she leaned forward, and he felt the murmur of her lips against his.

 

“So, what happened….?”  John finally asked when she had pulled back.  “We’ve been through this before, but I don’t understand where the shooting fits into all this?”  A weak flicker of a smile glossed his lips.  “I’m sure Kristen wasn’t hiding a gun in those flowers.”

 

“No,” Marlena sighed heavily.  She really wished there was some other way of doing this.  “Before you could say anything the music started up and there was a commotion in the crowd that was surrounding us.”  She frowned and filled her lungs again, deeply.  She breathed out slowly and John became aware in his peripheral vision that her hands had balled up into tight little fists.

 

His forehead puckered with concern as she tried to reign in her emotions.

 

“Ah, no-one really knew what was going on,” she raised a hand unconsciously and scratched the back of her neck nervously as she looked away unable to hold his eyes.  “Before we knew what was happening, Carrie was standing in front of you, and she was holding a gun.”

 

“*Carrie?*”  John felt as though he’d been walloped in the stomach and suddenly the vision of his nightmare fleshed out into memory and he sucked in a rapid breath.

 

“I’m sorry honey,” Marlena shook her head, her eyes betraying the pain she felt.  “We don’t know why she did it.  It was as though it wasn’t even *Carrie*.  It….” she shook her head trying to find the words but failing.  “It was all so fast.”

 

“So, she shot me,” John’s voice was dull, and it cut like a scythe through Marlena.

 

“She didn’t know what she was doing John,” she clutched at John’s hands with her own chilled ones, and her words tumbled out as she tried to defend Carrie.  “Later she didn’t even know she’d done it.  It was as though she was on automatic pilot.  John,” he heard her little gasps for breath and the sound jostled him from his self-pity, “John, Austin tried to stop her.  But he got in the way.”

 

“Austin?”  John shook his head bewilderedly.  None of this made any sense.

 

“John, honey, Austin’s dead.”

 

 

John simply shook his head, almost too dazed to digest this last bit of news.

 

“And Carrie?” he asked finally, his blue eyes piercing as he tried to determine the fate of his attacker, the young woman he considered his daughter.

“She…. the shock of it all was too much,” Marlena’s voice had dropped to a whisper, “she had a breakdown.  She’s….. it’s like there’s no-one there now, John.”  Marlena’s voice cracked uncontrollably. “John, our baby girl has gone.”

 

“Oh Doc,” John felt a keen grief roll through him as he thought of his beautiful, fragile Carrie, and tears slipped unbidden down his cheeks.

 

“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” Marlena touched wavering fingers to his cheeks, sharing his tears and his pain.  “I don’t know why she did it, none of us understand it.”  She lay her head against his chest and took some comfort in the slow muffled thud of his heart within.  “Poor Kate is absolutely inconsolable.  She’s even talking about leaving Salem with Phillip and making a new start.”

 

“It doesn’t make sense Doc,” John murmured, his voice rumbling against Marlena’s pale cheek.  In his mind he could see Carrie and the deadly piece of metal she was pointing at him.  “Carrie would never be able to hurt anyone.  Why on earth….” his voice faded as an iciness settled over him.

 

“Roman and Abe have been trying to find out where Carrie went while she was away,” Marlena’s voice was muted, “but it seems to be one dead end after another.  Even the cab company she supposedly called to go to the airport swears they didn’t pick her up.”

 

It was a moment before Marlena realized that John had tensed, and his silence was alarming her.

 

“John?” she whispered, “what is it?”  An involuntary shiver made her tremble and the feeling of her shaking in his arms dragged John away from his thoughts.

 

“Doc, there’s only one thing that I can think of that would make someone do something so *completely* against their nature,” his eyes narrowed, “or should I say only one *person*.”

 

Marlena stiffened immediately and pushed herself back from John.

 

“No.”  She shook her head defiantly.  “*No* John.  He’s *dead*.  He’s *dead* dammit!”

 

“Doc, you said yourself we can’t believe he’s dead unless we’ve seen his body,” John’s urgency filled Marlena with all the preserved dread that the specter of Stefano DiMera could raise.

 

“No John, he can’t come back, it can’t be…..  You must be mistaken….” Marlena could feel the panic rising like bile in her throat and she fought to keep it in check.

 

“Marlena,” John caught her upper arms with strong hands, his voice hard and cold.  “A couple of days before the party, I received an envelope in the mail.  The only thing in it was a jigsaw puzzle piece.  It was white and the only thing on it was the letter ‘C’.  Now you tell me that’s not DiMera’s calling card.”

 

Marlena glared back at him obstinately and shook his hands off her.

 

“You don’t *know* that,” she argued.

 

“Of *course* I know it Doc!”  John exploded angrily.  “That *bastard* had his filthy hands on Carrie and he *made* her do those things.  It’s his game, his way of toying with us all.  What better way to destroy the Brady’s than from inside?”  Marlena said nothing, but she pressed her fingers to her mouth and looked away from John.  “If I ever get my hands on that bastard, so help me I will *tear* him limb from limb.”

 

“John!”  The terror Stefano’s name ignited within her, combined with John’s unabated hatred was enough to make Marlena feel as though she might be sick.  “John please, I……” she shook her head, tears pooling in haunted eyes, “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“Marlena, we *have* to talk about it,” John was possessed with the exigency of the situation, and his anger was almost overwhelming.  “If he’s out there, if he *did* have Carrie then we *have* to be aware of it.  I don’t want to frighten you, sweetheart, but this is a very real possibility.”

 

“I….” Marlena looked lost for a moment and then she nodded, abandoning her argument.  What was the point?  She knew Stefano only too well.  He was relentless and he would keep on coming and coming for them until either he was finally dead, or John was.  And the thought terrified her.  But it was real, and she had to face it.  “I know you’re right.”

 

“And I know you’re frightened, Doc,” he cupped her cheek with a tender hand, “but I’ll be out of here in the next couple of days.  Mike said so when I saw him today.  And between Gene, Roman and I, we can protect you.”

 

“But for how long John?” her hazel eyes held only fear and resignation.  “I don’t want to live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, waiting for Stefano to pounce.  He’s like a cat the way he toys with us.  I’m not sure how much of his manipulation I can take.  He’s destroyed so much already.”

 

“I won’t let him touch us again baby,” he pulled her towards him and whispered into her golden locks, “I promise I won’t.” 

 

Marlena wasn’t sure she believed his assurance.  She wasn’t even sure he believed it.

 

 

******

 

 

It was in fact the next morning that Dr. Mike Horton came to see John again.  Along with several of his associates, Mike spent several minutes examining John and prodding his shoulder.  None of them seemed to be able to believe just how fast John’s wound had healed.  In fact, John was having trouble believing it himself.  Not of course that he had any problems with this.  He was desperate enough to get out of the hospital and spend some quality time with Marlena that he wasn’t about to question it. 

 

For Mike’s part it seemed more than a little odd to him that this was the second miraculous recovery he had seen in the Black family in a little over six months.  Of course, it probably wasn’t any more odd than the fact that Kristen was carrying Marlena’s baby but didn’t know it.  However, he had decided several days previously, that it had to be more than coincidence that all of these miracles seemed to have taken place since Eugene Bradford had arrived back in town.

 

Marlena herself arrived at the hospital and sought out John’s room in just enough time to hear Mike tell John that he was being discharged that morning.

 

“Can I talk to Doc alone, Mike?” John asked benignly.

 

“Of course,” Mike nodded as he ushered the other two doctors out of the room.  “I’ll be back in a few minutes with the discharge papers for you to sign.”

 

“Thanks,” John swung his feet out of the bed and planted them on the floor.  Grinning at Marlena he winked.  “Can’t tell you how good this feels.”

 

“I’ll bet,” Marlena went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.  Leaning her head on one side, she smiled a golden smile up at him.  “I can’t wait to get you home.”

 

“Mmmmm,” John swept several strands of hair from her forehead and planted a kiss in their place.  “But you know you can’t take me home right now, Doc.  I have to go back to the loft.”

 

Marlena’s head dropped and he could feel her shoulders slump.

“Baby, you know I wish this could be different.”

 

“I know,” Marlena smiled as she looked up at him again.  “I promised myself I’d be strong about this.  So here I am.  Being strong.” 

 

“Well, you know that she’s due this week, and the baby is not as big as it should be,” he didn’t know why he was repeating this.  They had rehashed it too many times already.  But he had to make sure that she understood that he even though he had to go and be with Kristen, his heart was really with her.

 

“I don’t want,” she freed her arms from around his waist and slid them around his neck instead, “to talk about Kristen.”

 

“You don’t?” he grinned responsively, “well I think, Dr. Evans, that you are *quite* brilliant.”

 

“Mmmmm,” she hummed, her breath hovering moist against his neck, “I rather thought so too.”

 

“I’ll tell you what,” he whispered against her ear, provoking a delicious shiver, “I won’t talk if you find a way to stop me.”

 

“Is that a challenge, Mr. Black?” Marlena murmured, pressing herself even closer to him.

 

“Well, do you think you’re up to it Dr. Evans?” he teased her.

 

“I think the question is,” she brushed her lips gently against his at the same time as she moved her body slowly against his, taking delight in the moan she evoked, “are *you*?”

 

“Hhhhrrmmm,” Mike cleared his throat from the doorway.  “He may be ready to go home Marlena, but be gentle on him, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Marlena smiled, a small flush of embarrassment staining her cheeks.  “I promise to be careful with him, Doctor.”  Turning back to John, she gazed up at him from under lavishly thick lashes.  “I have to go right now anyway; I have a patient in a few minutes.”

 

John didn’t want to let go of her, but finally he relinquished her from his arms with a heartfelt sigh. 

 

“I’ll call you later okay?”

 

“Please,” she replied sincerely before planting a soft kiss on his lips.

 

John watched her go, transfixed as she turned around and winked suggestively at him.  Then she was gone, and he blinked and turned to Mike.

 

“Let’s get this underway Mike, I have a thousand and one things to do.”

 

“I’m only letting you out of here on condition you don’t overdo it,” Mike warned him.  “I don’t want to see you back in here in a few days because you’ve strained something.”

 

“Well,” John stared at the doorway with a silly grin, “I’ll try, but Mike, I don’t think you’ll blame me if I don’t succeed.”

 

“You’re probably right,” Mike answered congenially with his own amused smile.  “You are probably quite right at that.”

 

 

******

 

 

John pushed open the loft door and cringed as Kristen wrapped her arms around him.

“It’s so good to have you back home baby!” she screeched as her stomach pushed into his back.

 

“Ow, Kristen,” John pulled her off him with his good arm and checked that the bandage was still in place.  She hadn’t really hurt him that much, but it was a good excuse to get her away from him.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry baby,” taking his bag, she handed it to the nurse that stood just inside the door.

 

“Maya, can you take that upstairs for Mr. Black please,” she commanded as though the woman was a maid.  “C’mere baby.”  Grabbing his hand, she pulled him over to the couch.  “Come and sit down with me.  It’s so great to finally have you all to myself!”

 

John struggled to find an argument for not sitting with her, but he couldn’t find one so with a sinking feeling in his stomach he sat down next to her.  That sinking feeling flickered into one of nausea as he felt Kristen’s lips brush his cheek. 

 

“I’ve missed you so much,” she murmured as she draped an arm around his shoulder.  John swallowed and tensed as he felt her wetted lips slide across his cheek and begin to nibble on his earlobe.  He would have crawled out of his skin if he could have, he found her that repulsive these days.    He couldn’t even begin to see why he had found her so attractive, not when he had Marlena to compare her to.

 

G*d how he wished Marlena was here.  He wished he could just leave Kristen here and go and find her, hold her, smell her, talk to her.  He loved her, he wanted her so badly….

 

He was jolted from his thoughts by the sound of the telephone.  Tearing himself from Kristen’s arms with the utmost haste, he snatched up the receiver.

 

“Hello?  John?” It was Caroline Brady on the other end.

 

“Caroline?” John almost let out a sigh of relief.

 

“John honey, we were wondering if you would come down to the pub tonight.  We want to have a welcome home party for you.”  John could hear the happiness in his almost mother’s voice and he couldn’t help but smile himself. 

 

“A party?”

 

“Family and close friends.  We just want to celebrate you coming back to us John.  I think almost losing you has given us all a reminder of just how much we owe you and how much we care about you.”  Her voice lowered and John could feel her almost palpable emotion.  ‘We love you John, and we want to show you that we do.  You will come, won’t you?”

 

“Well, when you put it like that,” John grinned irrepressibly, “how can I refuse?”

 

“Well, you’re not supposed to,” Caroline chuckled happily.  “So, we’ll see you about sevenish?”

 

“Count on it,” John nodded his head.  “And thanks Caroline.”

 

“Just make the most of this second chance John,” Caroline’s voice became earnest, “that’s all I ask.”

 

“Oh, I plan to,” he grinned and nodded his head again.  “About seven then.”

 

Kristen waited until he had replaced the phone before asking him what the party was for.

 

“For me,” he nodded his head happily, almost lost in his own thoughts.  “To celebrate my recovery and my homecoming.”

 

“Who’s going to be there?” Kristen asked solemnly.

“Family and friends, she said,” John went to the kitchen and pulled the coffee pot out of the filter machine in order to wash it.  Kristen watched him with narrowed eyes.  That of course, meant Marlena would be there.

 

“John, don’t you think you should rest on your first night home,” she asked shrewdly.  “I know I’m supposed to be resting and I would rather you stayed with me.  Especially considering this is your first night home with me.”  When he didn’t answer, she tried another tack.  “The baby is due at any moment, I’d rather have you here with me in case anything goes wrong honey.”

 

“Kristen,” his tone wasn’t argumentative, more factual as he spooned coffee into the filter.  “The Brady’s are my family and I want to see them all and celebrate my good fortune with them.”  He poured the pot full of water into the machine and switched it on.  “You’re quite welcome to stay home if you want, but I plan to make the most of this first night home.  What do they say?  This is the first night of the rest of my life.  I want to enjoy it.  I want to *live* it.”

 

Kristen crossed her arms in front of her and tossed her lank hair over her shoulder.  He obviously wasn’t going to be dissuaded of this.  However, she considered, if you can’t beat ‘em, at least keep an eye on ‘em would be her motto at the moment.  She wasn’t about to allow him have any time with Marlena without being around to watch what went on.  At least not if she had any sort of power over the situation.  And power she knew she had.  That brat in her belly gave her all the power she needed right now.

 

“Of course I want to come with you honey,” she told him brightly.  “I think it should be fine as long as I don’t overdo it and we come home early.”  Again, he didn’t answer her as he pulled a mug out from the cupboard and placed it on the bench.  Kristen felt her blood pressure rising as she glared at his back.  She wanted to smash that cup to smithereens against the bench and demand his attention, to ask how he could dismiss her so easily.  But she wasn’t sure at all how far she could push him at the moment.  For now, she just had to play it cool. 

 

“Did you say it was seven?” she asked quietly.

 

“Mmmm-hmmmm,” John nodded as he turned back to her.

 

“All right then, I think I’m going to go and have a lie down before I get ready then,” she decided.  “Will you join me?”

 

“Uh,” John’s throat constricted as he realized what she meant.  He didn’t think he could even stomach touching her, and it was to be avoided at all costs.  “No, I’ve got some stuff to catch up on down here baby.  I’ll come up and check on you later on, okay?  And Maya will be up there,” he added needlessly.

 

“Okay,” she shrugged, saving her energy for bigger and more worthy arguments.  Flicking her hair behind her shoulder again, she smiled predatorily.  “I love you baby.”

 

“Mmmm, same here,” John muttered before busying himself pouring his coffee. 

 

Kristen waited for a moment, debating on whether to say something more, and then, deciding against it she left the room.

 

Letting out a sigh of relief, John let his taut shoulders relax as he picked up his coffee and took a scalding hot mouthful.  He had been hoping that he had annoyed her enough that she wouldn’t come tonight.  He had really tried, but no such luck.  He was stuck with her it seemed, whatever he did.  She would be at his side at the pub and Marlena would be with Eugene.  He only hoped they could all remember to play their respective parts well enough to fool her, or this was all for nothing….

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 100 – Family Ties

 

 

Marlena stared at the door of the pub and shivered.  This building held so many memories.  So many good ones.  And so many bad.  Along with her home and the hospital it seemed to have become one of the hubs of her life since it opened all those years ago.  The warmth and the rich smell of timber and ale seemed to her almost synonymous with family, and all those tumultuous emotions that families experienced.

 

She couldn’t imagine her life without the Brady’s pub but sometimes it took every ounce of willpower she had just to walk through the door and endure the battering of the memories that washed over her.

 

Tonight, was one of those nights and she pulled her woolen coat closer around her, even though the air was quite mild.  Gene frowned as he watched her.

 

“Do you want to go home?” he asked her quietly as he moved closer to her.  She didn’t say anything, but Q felt her gravitate towards him as she crossed her arms.  “C’mon,” he whispered with a slight smile as he slipped his arm around her waist, “you don’t have to put yourself through this if you don’t want to.”

 

“Yes, I do,” Marlena nodded her head slowly, almost hypnotized by the lights from the building in front of her.  “It’s going to look a little suspicious if we’re not there don’t you think?”

 

“Aw, who cares *what* it looks like Marlena,” Gene tried to keep his voice cheerful.  He didn’t want her to know how worried he was about the prospect of her having to see John and Kristen together.  She was right, it might raise a few eyebrows if they weren’t there.  However, the prospect of a confrontation between Marlena and Kristen was infinitely less preferable.  “You know I could just call the Brady’s and tell them you’re not feeling up to it.  I’m sure they’d understand.”

 

“No,” Marlena shook her head this time, slowly, almost as if she had hardly heard a word Eugene had said. 

 

“Marlena…” he tried again.  But this time, Marlena closed her eyes and then turned around.

 

“No Gene,” she said softly, “we have to do this.  We have to convince everybody, and especially Kristen that we are a couple.”

 

“But why?” he didn’t particularly understand.  “I mean Kristen is just about to have her baby.  She could just about have it tonight.”

 

“Not her baby Gene,” Marlena corrected.  “My baby.  And I need to make sure that there is no way that baby can be put in any danger.”  She shivered again as she recalled Roman’s insistence that they be extra careful not to tip off Kristen’s suspicions.  “Besides,” her eyes softened, “I miss John.  I want to see him.  Even if it has to be from across the room.”

 

“Even with Kristen on his arm?” Q brushed his hand over her soft hair, the heel of his palm grazing her chilled cheek.  “Sweetheart, I’m just worried about you.  You don’t need this added stress.”

 

“Gene, I’ll be fine,” she nodded her head with a small smile, “and if we can convince everybody and especially Kristen that we are a happy couple, I hope it might allay her suspicions at least a bit.  It could be enough to buy John and I a little time together.”  His face was in the shadows, and she couldn’t read his expression.  “That is, if it’s not too hard for you.”

 

“Anything you want,” he concealed his misgivings with a quick wink and a smile.  He didn’t think he’d have any problems playing the happy father.  After all, he’d done it for Marlena once before.  His only concern was that he might be a little too convincing.

 

“All right then,” she reached for his hand, curling her own numbed fingers around his.  “I’m ready if you are.”

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen entered the Brady pub ahead of John and scanned the room with wary eyes.  With little resistance, she let John take her black velvet jacket and hand it to Eric as he greeted the young man with a wide smile and a hug.

 

The pub was decked out festively with brightly colored balloons and a banner above the bar that read “Welcome home John!”  It was all so homely and so very ‘Brady’ that it made Kristen want to puke.  Looking around she saw that most of the Horton’s and Brady’s that were still in town were at the pub, including a couple that she hadn’t seen for a while.  Kimberly Brady was by the bar talking to her niece and her teenage son, Andrew, was talking with his cousin Shawn-Douglas in the corner.   And aside from the usual assortment of town benefactors, there were a number of John’s friends, such as Abe Carver and his wife and others from the precinct, as well as Vivian Alamain and her lapdog, Ivan.

 

And so, here they were.  Stuck with the deadly dull Brady’s and Horton’s for the next few hours, having to play the happy and relieved wife.  Not that that was a problem.  Kristen knew she could do that.  It was having to be nice to Marlena that could be her downfall. 

 

She had almost immediately spied Marlena who was standing next to the kitchen door, looking perfect as usual.  She was dressed in cream and the woolen swing jacket what she wore fell elegantly around her full stomach in soft folds.  She had an orange juice in one hand, and she was laughing as she talked to Laura Horton.  Kristen’s stomach twisted as she watched her.  G*d, she hated that woman.  It was an all-consuming pure flame of hatred that burned inside her skull and slithered through her veins until it reached and blackened her heart.

 

“Kristen?”  John followed Kristen’s gaze and wasn’t surprised to see that she was looking at Marlena.  Of course she was.  The woman was utterly captivating.  Every time he saw her, the sight of her simply made his heart flip.

 

One hand rested on her gently sloping belly, and she was talking animatedly to Laura.  But as has happened so many times in the past, she seemed to sense his presence and she turned to find him staring at her.  Holding his eye for a moment longer than necessary, she proffered them an innocent smile and little wave as she turned to Eugene and handed him her empty glass.  John felt his heart contract as he watched Gene lean over and whisper something in her ear.  She laughed in return and nodded.  He knew this was all make-believe, a farce for Kristen’s sake, but it didn’t douse the jealousy which sparked within his gut as he watched them.

 

Kristen was also watching them, but surreptitiously, her eyes flickered sideways to take in John’s expression.  She knew him well and she could see the jealousy that flared in his eyes and the way the muscle in his cheek twitched as he saw Eugene’s hand slide around Marlena’s waist.

 

She pondered it for a moment as she turned back to watching Marlena.  Yes, he still wanted her, that much was obvious.  But why would John be jealous if he was secretly seeing her anyway?  In fact, why wouldn’t he just be here with Marlena instead of her?  It didn’t make any sense, but something, maybe her intuition, still told her that something was wrong, and it made her very uneasy.

 

Reaching for John’s hand, Kristen wove her fingers between his.

 

“They look very happy,” she murmured, hoping to provoke some kind of revealing response from John.

 

“Hmmmm?” John dragged his eyes from Marlena back to the woman by his side.

 

“Eugene and Marlena,” Kristen turned to John with one of her patented fake smiles as she pulled her sweater down over her large belly.  “They look wonderfully happy.  You must be glad she has a good man in her life now.”

 

 She waited as John looked over at Marlena again.  She was looking at him but when he caught her eye, she quickly turned back to Gene and laid her hand on his arm.  “She deserves someone who will look after her.  I think Eugene seems like a good man.  Don’t you think?”

 

“Mmmmm?”  John wasn’t quite sure what she wanted him to say.  Right now, he wanted to get *her* off the topic of Marlena and onto something a little less dangerous.  “Sure.  Gene’s a good guy.  He’ll look after Doc.”

 

“Do you think she’s happy with him?”  Kristen pressed, watching his face closely, waiting for that tell-tale twitch in his cheek that would give him away. 

 

You’re lying John.

 

“Sure,” John shrugged with as much nonchalance as he could muster.  “She seems happy enough.  Although I guess it’s not really my business what she does huh?”  He smiled as convincingly as he could manage.

 

“I guess not,” Kristen nodded with a forced smile.  *If* he was telling the truth, then no it certainly wasn’t his business.  But that was a big if at the moment.

 

 

 

In the corner of the room, Marlena was ironically quite grateful for Gene’s solid arms around her.  Turning for another glimpse of John, she had caught Kristen’s glare for a moment, and it had made her almost sick to her stomach.  Roman was right, she *was* unhinged and Marlena feared that the hatred that festered inside of Kristen could make her very dangerous.

 

“Are you all right Marlena?” Laura was concerned at Marlena’s sudden pallor and she caught her friend’s hand in her own.

 

“I’m fine Laura,” she nodded but was forced to close her eyes as the room began to swim.

 

“Sweetheart?”  Q had felt her tense against him when John and Kristen had looked in their direction but now, she was feeling alarmingly limp.

 

“Gene,” she whispered, trying to grip his arm with her spare hand.

 

“I think she needs to sit down,” Laura ordered quickly, and she helped Q lead Marlena to the nearest booth.

 

As soon as she was sitting, Marlena propped her elbows on the table and dropped her head into clammy hands, letting the dizziness and nausea flow over her.  She had learnt that it was best not to fight it, that sometimes simply the only way to deal with it was to let it run its course.

 

“Honey, what’s going on?” Laura whispered at her side as she gently smoothed Marlena’s hair back behind her shoulder.  She knew Marlena was hiding something and she didn’t buy this happy couple routine with Eugene.  She knew Marlena better than that and she knew something was up.  Especially since this dizzy spell had exactly coincided with John Black’s arrival.

 

Laura had seen how devastated Marlena had been at the hospital, how grief-stricken she had been at the thought that she might never see John again.  It just didn’t make any sense that she wouldn’t have taken the opportunity to tell him how she felt once he had woken from surgery.  Unless of course he didn’t feel the same.  But Laura couldn’t imagine that either.  It seemed more than obvious to her that Kristen had only ever been a substitute for John when he had thought, or decided, he couldn’t have Marlena.

 

“Nothing’s going on Laura,” Marlena said finally as she lifted her head.  “It’s just a dizzy spell.  I’m feeling better now.”

 

“Here,” Gene placed a glass of water on the table in front of her.  She looked up at him and saw the worry that creased his brow.  “Are you sure you’re okay?”  She said nothing but found a tired smile from somewhere inside herself and nodded slowly.

 

“Doc?” her heart thumped as that voice she knew better than any other came from behind her.  Turning around, she found his blue eyes clouded with concern. 

 

“I’m fine John,” her voice was a little harder than she had intended but Kristen was on her way over and she really couldn’t deal with her in this state.

 

“Are you sure?”  John pressed.  His stomach had begun to churn when he had seen Laura and Gene lead her to the seat.  He shouldn’t have asked her to do this.  He shouldn’t have put her under this kind of stress.

 

“She’s fine John.  I’ll look after her,” Q too had seen Kristen barging across the room and he really didn’t want to have to put Marlena through that.  “Please, go and enjoy your party.  It’ll be better if you do.” 

 

John caught his meaningful look and turned to see Kristen coming towards him.  Suddenly he felt incredibly deflated.  He couldn’t even protect Marlena from this, so how could he protect her from the likes of Stefano DiMera?

 

“Marlena?” Kristen took John’s hand proprietarily in her own, but she noted it was lost on Marlena since the other woman had already dropped her head back into her hands and was studiously ignoring her.  Still, Kristen wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of dismissing her so easily.  “You don’t look so good.  Is everything okay?”

 

“She’s just fine Kristen,” John answered curtly, “she just needs some quiet, so let’s give it to her.”  Not allowing Kristen to argue, he took a firm grip on her hand and pulled her away.

 

Laura watched them go, rather bemused by the odd exchange. 

 

“Laura?”  She turned back to find Eugene was standing.  “Do you mind just giving us a little time alone?  Marlena will be okay.  She just needs a few minutes.”   Laura looked at him uncertainly before turning to Marlena.

 

“Do you want me to go honey?” she asked softly.  In reply, Marlena lifted her head and nodded wanly.

 

“I’ll be fine,” she managed a small smile.  “But thank you for being such a good friend.”

 

“Any time,” Laura gave her a heartfelt grin and followed it with a hug.  “If you need me, you know where I am.

 

“I know,” Marlena whispered as Laura slid out of the booth.

 

Q waited until she was gone before he slipped in next to Marlena.

 

“Oh Gene,” she shook her head, tired and lost. 

 

“I know,” he nodded as he wrapped his arms around her and encouraged her to relax against him.  “I know.”

 

“I know it’s not long,” she said finally, the vibrations of her voice feathery against his chest, “but it just seems like an eternity at the moment.  Every moment seems to go on forever.”

 

“That’s just because you want it to be over so bad,” he smiled slightly but she couldn’t see it, “trust me, I know all about time.  It will end.  I promise you that.”

 

“When?” she asked in a small, besieged voice.  “When will it be over because I’m not sure I can do this for much longer.”

 

 Pulling back slightly, Q stroked the back of his fingers along her cheek as he watched her hazel eyes darken.

 

“You can do it Marlena.  I know it feels impossible right now, but I know you.  You’ve been through worse than this.”

 

“I guess so,” Marlena couldn’t help the sprinkle of laughter as she considered his incredible understatement.  He was right.  Really this was a minor hurdle.  “You know what?”

 

“What?” he was smiling too now, happy to at least have banished the unhappiness from her eyes, however temporarily.

 

“If I have to be in someone arms right now, someone other than John,” she curled her arms around his neck, hoping paradoxically that Kristen was watching her every move, “I’m glad that it’s you.”

 

“I’m glad it’s me too,” he winked at her mischievously, “how about we seal it with a kiss?”

 

“I’d tell you not to push your luck,” she told him casually as she leaned her head on one side, her eyes flickering to where Kristen eyed them curiously, “but it’s probably a really good idea.”

 

“Well, I’m sure that some of my so-called friends would tell you I’ve made a career out of pushing my luck,” Q murmured before he tipped her chin back with his fingers and pressed his lips softly against hers.  “But if it works for you, it works for me.”

 

“It definitely works for me.”  In the back of her mind, Marlena knew that John might be watching her, but she knew she couldn’t be convincing in Kristen’s eyes while worrying what John was thinking.   Allowing Gene to sweep his lips across hers again, she parted her own lips slightly and buried herself in his kiss, trying to forget all about the fact that John was just across the room. 

 

For Q’s part, he had all but forgotten where he even was.  The touch and scent of her was bringing back all sorts of memories.  Memories that he shouldn’t be having right now.  Memories that he *couldn’t* be having if he wanted to stay sane.

 

Across the room, John watched Eugene and Marlena part and lean their foreheads together.  He felt sick watching them.  He knew this was simply a ruse, that it had been *him* she had been kissing this morning.  But that didn’t make this intense jealousy any less agonizing, the acidic churning in his stomach any less painful. 

 

And yet what could he do?  It was he that had created this situation.  Now he just had to get through it.  But that was easier said than done.

 

 

******

 

The room was darkened, the only light coming from the orange embers of the dying fire, which bounced off the beautiful cut crystal glass in his hand.  Stefano had left earlier for his own solitude.  Left him to reflect and steep in his own moroseness.

 

The brandy helped him toward that goal he reflected, as he splashed another generous helping into his glass.  Brandy and revenge.  That was all that got him through these achingly long days.

 

He took another mouthful of the brandy.  The thirty year old VSOP burned hotly as it trickled down his throat.  Not as hotly though as the hatred that burned in his heart.  In his left hand he held a crumpled newspaper clipping.  It had been cut from a Parisian newspaper and it was creased and well read.  The headline, when translated from the native French, read “Seven Feared Dead in Factory Explosion.”

 

A single tear trickled over his cheek, caressing the scarred skin.  He would have his revenge, and when the time came, John Black would know exactly why.

 

 

******

 

 

The party was in full swing when Roman and Trudie arrived.  Someone had plugged in the jukebox in the corner and there were selections enough to keep the thing playing until midnight.  Roman grinned when he saw his brother dancing in the corner with his wife.  He was so glad to see them finally, happily married.  It seemed that Hope had settled Bo down to an extent which Roman never would have thought possible.

 

“Looks like your family knows how to have a good time!” Trudie yelled over the din.

 

“The Irish always love a good excuse for a knees-up,” Roman let out a surprised yelp of laughter as his father suddenly proved him right by deciding to teach Eric how to dance a close approximation of an Irish jig.

 

“Dad!”  Sami threw her arms around Roman, her fit of pique at the hospital all but forgotten.  “I’m glad you came.”

 

“Wouldn’t miss it peanut,” he moved back from the hug for an introduction.  “Uh, I’d like you to meet my….friend, Trudie Montgomery.  Trudie, this is my daughter Samantha.”

 

“But everyone calls me Sami,” the attractive young woman extended her hand with a warm smile, but Trudie could see the curiosity etched in her pale blue eyes.

 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Sami,” Trudie shook her hand with a smile that she hoped did not belie her own nervousness at meeting Roman’s family.  He had been sweet enough to introduce her to his parents several days earlier, but this was even more nerve-wracking than that had been. 

 

Thinking oddly that Roman’s daughter looked nothing like him she continued, “I’ve um…..I’ve heard a lot about you.”

 

“Oh well, you’re one up on me then,” Sami raised her eyebrows and inclined her head on one side slightly as she measured up this new woman in her father’s life.  She couldn’t help smiling at the brunette though, there was something about her she liked almost immediately.

 

“Where’s your Mom Sami?”  Roman scanned the room for Marlena.

 

“Um, I think she went to call the baby-sitter and check on the kids,” Sami recalled as she looked in the direction of the kitchen.  “In fact, there she is now.”  She pointed to where Marlena was emerging from the private kitchen with Eugene in tow.

 

“Thanks Peanut, I’ll talk to you later,” Roman dropped a kiss on her forehead and then he caught Trudie’s hand in his own with a rapidly beating heart.  “C’mon, I’ll introduce you to Doc.”

 

Collecting a drink each as they crossed the room, Roman reflected that he hadn’t realized until this moment how important Marlena’s approval of his new girlfriend was to him.  In the entire time that he had known Marlena, he had barely ever looked at another woman.  Marlena had been all he could ever want, and more.  But now he was in the foreign situation of dating someone new, someone who was already quite important to him, just as Marlena was still important to him.  It seemed almost silly that he so much wanted them to get along, but he had no idea how Marlena was going to react to this.

 

Taking a deep breath and squeezing Trudie’s hand tightly, he spoke.

 

“Marlena?”

 

She turned around when she heard Roman’s voice uttering her name and she found him standing behind her.  However, she blinked disconcertedly when she realized that the attractive young woman beside him was actually *with* him.

 

“Hi Roman,” she put her drink down on the table and gave him a heartfelt hug.

 

“How are you feeling Doc?” he asked softly.

 

“Oh, I’ve been worse,” she answered lightly, trying not to stare too openly at the other woman.

 

“Uh, I…” he slid one hand behind Trudie’s waist and impelled her forward slightly, “I wanted to introduce you to Trudie.  She’s um…. well…”  He stuttered to a stop.  How did one tell one’s ex-wife that one had a new lover?

 

“What he means to say is that we’re seeing each other….” Trudie laughed, rather touched by Roman’s nervousness.  This was obviously hard for him and though she was nervous herself, she wanted to try and make it easier for him.

 

“Yeah,” Roman nodded, “that would about cover it.”  He smiled with a hint of relief as he made the introductions. “Marlena, Trudie Montgomery; Trudie, Marlena Evans.”

 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Marlena,” Trudie held out her hand, noting that Marlena was slightly taken aback, however hard she was trying to hide it.  Obviously, the jungle telegraph wasn’t well enough developed that it had reported back to her that Roman had a new girlfriend.  Oh well she thought impetuously, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  “It’s really nice to meet you.  I’ve heard a lot of wonderful things about you at work, and from Roman of course,” she added as she flashed a smile at her lover.

 

“At work?” Marlena hated feeling so at a loss, but she really hadn’t expected this.  She didn’t know why when she really considered it.  Why shouldn’t Roman have a new girlfriend?  After all, he was a gorgeous man and he had been single for a long time.  But she felt oddly deflated at the thought of him seeing someone new.  Maybe it was the fact that in all the time since she had met him, he had only ever loved her.  She had no claim on his heart anymore, she knew that.  She didn’t *want* any claim on him, anything more than his friendship.  And she really did want him to be happy.  He deserved that probably more than anyone she knew.  It was just unexpected, that was all.

 

All these thoughts went through her mind so fast that she was barely conscious of thinking them as she shook Trudie’s hand, immediately sizing her up.  She wanted to see Roman happy, but she knew that not just any woman would do for him.  Whether Trudie was up to being that woman, Marlena would have to reserve judgement for now.

 

“Trudie works at the hospital,” Roman’s voice cut through Marlena’s thoughts.

“I’m new in physical therapy,” Trudie explained, aware that Marlena was giving her the once over.  Not that she could really blame her.  The woman obviously cared about Roman, and she could relate to that if nothing else.  “I’m still finding my way around the hospital.”

 

“Oh,” Marlena nodded her head thoughtfully, “you must be working with Heather Williams.”  She smiled, a hint of warmth sparkling in her eyes at the mention of the petite East Coaster.  “University Hospital is lucky to have Heather.”

 

“Oh, she’s great,” Trudie agreed.  “I jumped at the chance to work with her.”  She grinned conspiratorially.  “She’s a nutcase but she’s a lot of fun to work with and she’s fantastic at her job.”

 

“She really is,” Marlena nodded her head, laughter in her voice at Trudie’s description of Heather, “I like her a lot.  Unfortunately, as with most of my friends at the hospital, I don’t get the chance to catch up with her very often.”

 

“Well perhaps the three of us could get together for lunch one day?” Trudie suggested impulsively.  She already liked Marlena, which was odd, she reflected, because Roman’s ex-wife was almost intimidatingly beautiful.  She had that classic, Hitchcockian ice-goddess quality about her, but Trudie suspected it was tempered by a genuine depth of emotion and a sense of humour which she could quickly warm to.

 

“I’d like that,” Marlena smiled, rubbing her stomach with one hand where the baby had suddenly decided to start some kind of Tae-Bo demonstration.

 

“Are you okay Doc?” Roman had a flash of concern as he saw the wince of pain from Marlena.  In turn she looked slightly surprised and then smiled reticently.

 

“The baby has apparently decided it’s going to be a gold medal kick-boxing champion,” she laughed.

 

“He doesn’t like to sleep,” Gene had been hanging back in the corner, but he had just wanted to make sure she was okay.  Leaning over Marlena’s shoulder he added confidentially, “stubborn, like his mother.”

 

“Why doesn’t that come as a surprise?” Roman replied with a knowing grin.  “Trudie, this is Eugene Bradford, Marlena’s…… partner.”  He didn’t want to lie to his new girlfriend, but he figured that right now, the fewer people that knew the truth, the safer Marlena was from the wrath of Kristen DiMera.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Eugene stuck his hand over Marlena’s shoulder to shake Trudie’s hand.  “Any friend of Roman’s is a friend of ours.”  As he said the words, Q was struck by the words that Q2 had uttered.   We think that one of the defectors is here in Salem and we want you to keep an eye out….     Shaking Trudie’s hand, he stared at her closely.  The timing was indeed rather co-incidental.  What if she was the rebel Q that Q2 had been speaking of?  She would certainly be in a prime position to cause trouble if that was the case.

 

“Gene’s right,” Marlena nodded, her smile warming as Gene slipped his arm casually, yet protectively, over her shoulder.  “I hope we get the chance to know each other better.”

 

“Plenty of time for that Doc,” Roman said happily as he took Trudie’s hand in his.  “But if you’ll excuse us now, I want to introduce this lovely lady to my sister and my wayward brother.”

 

Marlena nodded and watched with a half-smile as Roman led his girlfriend across to where Bo and Hope were teasing Andrew and Shawn-D.

 

“She seems nice,” Gene observed, unwilling to voice suspicions with no proof.

 

“Mmmmmm,” Marlena nodded, suddenly feeling a little tired as she hooked her fingers over the top of Q’s forearm and leaned back against him.

 

“Pretty weird seeing him with someone else huh?” he asked sympathetically.  He knew her well enough to guess what was going through her mind right now and he understood how odd it might feel for her.

 

“Yeah,” she agreed quietly.  She watched him for a moment longer.  “I just want to see him happy Gene.  I hurt him so much and I couldn’t bear it if he was hurt again.”

 

“Hey, no guilt, remember?” Gene prodded her gently.  “And Roman’s life is his own.  It’s not something you have any control over.”

 

“I know,” she nodded her head slowly as she watched Bo shake Trudie’s hand with a thrilled smile.  Gene was right.  She couldn’t protect Roman.  She had no right to get involved.  She just had to trust that this new woman was right for him.  And if she wasn’t, that he would know before things got too serious.

 

The attention of the room focused several moments later on Shawn Brady, as he tapped a beer glass with a spoon.

 

“Well,” he beamed at the assembled group once they had quieted down significantly.  “I want to say think you to you all fer bein’ here.”  He glanced over at John who grinned indulgently.  “Now you all know I’m not one for speeches,” he looked surprised as the gathered Brady’s groaned, “well it appears that me own family wouldn’t agree,” he laughed.  “But be as that may, I’d like to say a few words.” 

 

Beckoning John over, he put his arm around the younger man’s shoulders.

 

“Now most of you know what we’ve all been through to get to this point.  It’s been a….. well…. an interesting journey.”  He grinned at John, whose cheeks reddened as he looked down at the floor bashfully.  “At one point, as most of you know, we thought that John was our son.  We treated him like a son.  We loved him like a son.  And you can’t switch off that family love, no matter how much you might want to.”  He looked at John again, his face earnest now.  “We’ve been through some tough times, but as parents, we could never turn our backs on one of our children.  And that’s what you are to us John.  You’re as much our son as if you’d been born ours.”  Folding his arms in front of him, John swallowed uncomfortably.  “Oh, we know you’ve tried to distance yourself over the years.  Both Caroline and I have seen it.  We had to give you the space to do what you needed John.”  He shrugged self-effacingly.  “Maybe you thought to make it easier on us.  But I’m tellin’ you son, it hasn’t worked.”  His grip on John’s shoulder tightened as he spoke.  “You are part of this family, whether you like it, or not.”

 

“Shawn, I…”  John was looking more embarrassed by the moment.  This really wasn’t what he had expected at all, and he wasn’t sure he deserved such compassion from the family he had wronged so badly.

 

“No John, I want you to listen to me,” Bo couldn’t help but grin as he heard Shawn slip into lecture mode.  “When you were in that operating theater, fighting for your life, we were all at the hospital, hoping, praying that you would pull through.  You see, we have let it go too long without telling you what you mean to us.  To every one of us.”  He looked at Caroline and Kimberley and they nodded their affirmation.

 

“I think everyone here would agree that you are a good man John,” Shawn nodded.  “Family is important to you.  You brought up Carrie and the twins as if they were your own.”  John saw Caroline’s face fall at the mention of Carrie and he felt his own stomach churn.  That was something he had still not come to terms with.  His inability to protect Carrie from Stefano would haunt him for a long time yet.  “You loved those kiddies and you were a wonderful father to them.  You looked after our Marlena,” John’s eyes flickered to where Marlena stood, and she met them with her own smoky ones.  A brief smile flittered across her face before John looked away. “We couldn’t have asked for better.”    Shawn rambled on, either not sensing, or ignoring John’s awkwardness.

 

“And I know that family is still the most important thing to you.  That’s what I admire about you son, your loyalty and your integrity.  Honesty and love will always stand you in good stead with your family.”  John was aware of Kristen edging towards him on the other side and he moved slightly so that his back was to her.  The last thing he could stomach now was her hanging off his arm when Shawn Brady was talking about honesty and family values.  Looking at Marlena again he smiled gently and was rewarded by a return smile that made his heart thump.

 

“The most important thing to us Brady’s is our family.  And son, there is enough room for you *and* Roman in this family.  We love you both, you’re exceptional boys.”  He looked for Roman and he was rewarded with an appreciative nod and smile from his son.  “John, you must know that you are *part* of this family.”  Shawn smiled warmly and took John’s hands in his.  “And I’m just glad that we have the chance now to tell you how much we love you and how glad we are to have you with us.”

 

Pulling John into an embrace, Shawn slapped his back.

 

“Thanks Pop,” the endearment was out before John had the chance to bite it back, but to his astonishment, Shawn looked absolutely delighted.

 

“That’s my boy!” he roared with joy as he lifted his beer glass.  “I’d like you all to raise your glasses to John and his health.”

 

The room was filled with noise as everyone raised their glasses and toasted John.  Grinning and red-faced with self-consciousness, John accepted hugs from Caroline, Kimberly, Hope and Bo before he was called on to reply.

 

“Well,” he nodded his head with an embarrassed laugh, “I don’t quite know what to say.  I certainly didn’t expect this.”  He looked around the gathered group, his eyes softening as they swept past each family member.  He loved this family more than life itself; he would do anything for them.  But since Roman had returned, he had never really felt like he belonged.  He was an intruder, unknown, unwanted.  And then after his affair with Marlena, he had felt as though he didn’t deserve their love or their compassion.

 

But now he realized that he had it, whether he deserved it or not.  Just as he couldn’t stop loving them, they couldn’t stop caring about him.  He *was* a part of the family in their eyes.  No more, but no less than any other part of the family.  And it was his responsibility to live up to that love, to repay the trust they had invested in him.

 

“I do want to say that without your love and support, I wouldn’t be the man I am today,” his eyes were downcast as he tried to find the words that would adequately explain his feelings.  “When I came to Salem, I didn’t know who I was, but you saw past that.  You accepted me and loved me.  For that I’ll be forever grateful.”  His eyes picked out the twins and then Bo.  “The past few years have been really tough on all of us.  We’ve had some phenomenally hard struggles.  And I know that none of us could have gotten through those without the love and support of those that are here tonight.”

 

He didn’t dare look at Marlena again for fear that his feelings would become all too obvious now that all eyes were on him.

 

“Shawn, you’re right.  Family is the most important thing we can ever be blessed with on this earth.  I think we all need that reminder from time to time.”  Roughing up Kimberley’s hair, he pulled her to him in a hug and she swung her arms around him with a happy laugh.  “I want to thank you all for this party.  For everything.  It means more to me than I could ever say.”

 

“Well then don’t say anything bro,” Bo teased him with a mock punch.  “This is supposed to be a party, not an oratory session.  Some of us want to *dance*.”

 

“Hey, no argument from me!” John held up his hand with a hearty chuckle. 

 

“All *right*,” Bo pointed to Shawn-D who resurrected the jukebox and then he grabbed Hope’s hand.  “Let’s par-tay!”

 

 

Back in the shadows, Kristen fumed irately.  John had made it more than obvious that he didn’t want to know her when Shawn was blathering about love and family and integrity.  And she had seen enough of Marlena ogling John to make her want to throw up.  She was sick to death of that woman.  Just sick to death.

 

 

Marlena was at the bar, getting herself another orange juice, when Trudie joined her.  Pouring herself a glass of wine, she looked around curiously.

 

“Intriguing speech,” she raised her eyebrows.  “I take it the Brady’s have a somewhat interesting past?”

 

“Oh, you could say that,” Marlena nodded with a throaty laugh.

 

“I might have to get Roman to give me a potted history lesson some time,” Trudie mused.

 

“You like him, don’t you?” Marlena had caught Trudie looking at Roman during Shawn’s speech and it had allayed her fears somewhat.

 

“I really do,” Trudie nodded with a heartfelt smile, “he’s a wonderful man.”

 

“Well, I certainly haven’t seen him this happy in a long time,” Marlena confided as she sipped her juice.

 

“We have a lot of fun,” Trudie told her as she watched Roman who was now talking to John.  “He makes me laugh a lot and he’s a *wonderful* lover.”  Suddenly realizing who she was talking too, Trudie felt a little embarrassed.  But inside her a little voice said what the hell!  If she’s going to like you, she may as well like the *real* you.  “But of course, you’d know that,” she added cheekily.

 

“Uh,” Marlena was quite taken aback and didn’t know what to say

 

“You f*cking *bitch*,” Kristen stormed in between the two women, cutting the conversation around them dead.  “I saw the way you were eyeing up John.  You think you can have him, don’t you?  You think you can just snap your perfect fingers and he’ll come running.  Well, he won’t!”  Her face was red and the veins in her throat were standing out like cords.  Trudie could almost see the blood pulsing through them and part of her almost expected this harridan to explode or something.  “I won’t LET you take him,” Kristen screamed.  “He’s MINE.  You stay away from him do you hear?  He’s not yours.  He’ll never be yours.  Just keep your filthy hands *off * him.”

 

“Kristen!”  John grabbed Kristen’s wrist in a vice-like grip.  “That’s quite enough.”

 

“John I…” Kristen looked surprised, as if she hadn’t expected that John would be able to hear what she was saying.

 

“I said *enough*!” he said angrily as he looked up at Marlena.  “I’m sorry Doc.  This won’t happen again.” 

Pulling a stunned Kristen with him, he retreated to the back of the pub.

 

“Wow!”  Trudie shook her head in astonishment, “what a *bitch*!”

 

Blinking, Marlena looked from where John stood berating Kristen, to Trudie.

 

“Yeah, you could say that,” she shook her head with some amazement.  While part of her was still dwelling on the Kristen incident, another part of her realized she was really starting to like Roman’s girlfriend and it surprised her.  It wasn’t like her to so immediately take to someone, especially in this sort of situation, but she couldn’t help liking the girl.  There was something about her, maybe it was her honesty and straightforwardness, but she found it quite disarming.

 

“I’m guessing that he’s part of *your* interesting history?” Trudie nodded in John’s direction.

 

“A rather large part,” Marlena agreed guilelessly.

 

“Well, if you don’t mind me saying so,” Trudie took a sip of her wine, “she has a reason to be worried.  He’s got eyes for one woman in this joint, and it’s sure as hell not her.”

 

Any further conversation was waylaid by the arrival of Q and Roman.

 

“Marlena, are you all right?”  Gene asked with an air of concern.

 

“I’m fine,” she nodded.

 

“Doc-” Roman put his hand on her arm.

 

“Really, I’m really quite fine.  You go and have fun,” Marlena smiled at her ex-husband.  “I’m sure Trudie wants to find out what a wonderful dancer you are.”

 

“Oh, don’t tell me you dance too?” Trudie slapped her hand to her forehead.  “Is there no end to the man’s talents?”

 

“Marlena exaggerates,” Roman laughed as he took Trudie’s hand in his.  “I’ll talk to you later okay Doc?”

 

“Okay,” Marlena nodded, her smile remaining as she watched Roman and Trudie trip onto the dance floor.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?”  Gene asked, his concern unabated. 

 

“Oh, stop fussing Gene,” Marlena said with a hint of irritation, “you’re like an old mother hen sometimes.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Q stiffened and took a step backwards.  “I didn’t mean…”

 

“Oh Gene,” Marlena’s shoulders dropped, and she swung around, realizing she had hurt him.  “I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry.  But really, I’m okay.  Kristen can’t hurt me with words, I’ve heard them all before.”

 

“Well, if you’re sure….” His fingers skittered down her cheek.  “I’m sorry, I just can’t help worrying about you.”

 

“I know,” Marlena smiled, slipping her arms around his neck and kissing him gently, “and I love you for it.”

 

“You like her, don’t you?” Q noted several moments later as Marlena’s eyes gravitated to the couple swaying on the dance floor.

 

“Yeah, I do,” she nodded.  “She’s very nice.  I can see why Roman likes her.”

 

“But you don’t even know her,” Gene argued.  “How can you like her already?”  He was uneasy about this stranger.  It was unlike Marlena to accept someone so easily.  Especially someone who was dating Roman.  He would have expected a long period of adjustment and misgivings from Marlena before she accepted Trudie. 

 

“Call it intuition,” Marlena shrugged as she laid her hands over Gene’s which were crossed over her stomach.  “There’s just something about her I like.  She’s genuine and Roman needs that.”

 

“I just think that you both need to be careful,” Q insisted.  “You know nothing about this woman, where she’s from….”

 

“You’re sounding paranoid Gene,” Marlena laughed his worries off as she tilted her head to look at him.  “Kiss me and make it good because Kristen’s looking.”

 

Q didn’t say anything, but lowered his lips to hers, engaging her in a long, sweet kiss that he almost lost himself in.  He had to admit, there were definite upsides to this situation…

 

 

Kristen sat by the bar and stared at her orange juice.  She had been watching John closely all night and every time he thought she wasn’t looking, he had snatched a glance at Marlena.  And then during Shawn Brady’s nauseating speech Marlena had lit up like a Christmas tree when John had looked in her direction.

 

It had made Kristen sick to her stomach as she watched Marlena having a wonderful time, oblivious to the fact that her very *being* was making Kristen’s life a living hell.  She had tried to resist the impulse to go over there and rip Marlena to shreds and it was probably as well John had stopped her when he did because otherwise, she might have done something *really* unforgivable.

 

After he had pulled her away, John had read her the riot act, telling her Marlena didn’t deserve her vitriol and that he didn’t understand what drove her to be so nasty.  What more did he have to do, he asked, to prove to her that he wasn’t interested in Marlena anymore?  He was living with her, she was having his baby, shouldn’t that be proof enough.?

 

He was remarkably convincing and Kristen had almost believed him for a few minutes. 

 

Since the little scene at the bar earlier, Marlena had done her best to ignore John.  She and Eugene were practically joined at the hip, and they had spent the whole evening with their arms around each other, even when talking to Roman and his new girlfriend.  Now they were alone in the corner, talking intently about something.  Not that Kristen could give a sh*t.

 

At the moment John was talking to Kimberly and Bo, but there he was again, glancing in Marlena’s direction.  Kristen took a swig of her orange juice and slammed her glass back on the bar.  Maybe there wasn’t anything going on between John and Marlena, but John sure as hell *wanted* there to be something going on.  That much was plain enough.  He could deny it all he wanted, but she was not stupid.  She could see what was obvious.

 

As long as Marlena was in Salem, as long as Marlena was *alive*, whatever Kristen did would not be enough.  John would always want his ex-wife more than he wanted her.  As he would say, “that’s a fact.”

 

Glancing at the bar, she was gripped by a sudden urge, and a quick glance around confirmed that nobody was watching her.  Retreating behind the antique bar, she poured herself some more orange juice and then surreptitiously splashed a double vodka into it.  Taking a large gulp, she smiled in satisfaction as the warmth of the vodka spilled through her.

 

From across the room, Gene felt Marlena go rigid as she turned back to him furiously.  Coupled with Kristen’s earlier outrageous antics, this had her seeing red.

 

“She’s *drinking* Gene.  She just poured *vodka* into her glass.”

 

“I know,” Gene had seen it too, but he knew he couldn’t afford to let Marlena challenge Kristen right now.  After the earlier incident and as angry as she was, the truth was bound to come flooding out and it would negate any of the progress they might have made tonight.

 

“I’m going to kill her,” Marlena could almost feel her blood pressure rising but she didn’t really care.  All she knew was that Kristen was possibly putting her baby in danger and she needed to stop it.

 

“*No*,” Q caught her arm firmly as she tried to brush past him, “you’re not going over there.”

 

“Let me go Gene,” her voice was controlled but he could feel her seething as she faced him.

 

“No,” he shook his head, somewhat stunned in the back of his mind that he was able to stand up to her when she was this angry.  “I think you and I should leave right now.”

 

“*Leave*?!” she looked shocked that he would even suggest such a thing.  “Gene, that’s *my* baby she’s feeding alcohol.  You want me to just walk away from that?”

 

“Yes, that’s *exactly* what I’m saying,” against her will he maneuvered her towards the door and pulled her jacket from the coat stand.  “The last thing we can afford now is a confrontation between you two.  She *can’t* know the truth Marlena.  This is bad, but that would make it a hundred times worse.”

 

“I don’t *care*,” she tried to free herself from his grip, but it was impossible as she found herself almost bodily hustled out of the pub.  “Gene-”

 

“*Don’t* argue with me Marlena,” he could think of nothing else but getting her as far away from the pub as possible until she cooled down a little.  Throwing her coat around her shoulders, he faced her.  “Listen to me.  I am telling you that she is *dangerous*.  And right now there’s too much at stake.”

 

Marlena glared at him, her chin trembling with unexpressed anger, but she said nothing.

 

“Good,” his shoulders relaxed slightly, “now let’s take a walk and talk about this some more.”  His relief sounded in his voice. 

 

“Gene, I…..” she shook her head, tears in her eyes.  “How could she do that?  How could she care so little about a child’s life and health?”

 

“I don’t know baby,” he shook his head as he led her across the courtyard towards the waterfront.  “I really don’t know.”

 

 

 

Chapter 101 – A Foggy Night In Salem Town

 

 

The sounds of footsteps were muffled on the old wooden stairs, but in the misty stillness of the evening they echoed out across the water.

 

A mouse stopped, frozen in terror as it watched the approaching feet.  To the mouse, humans were a harbinger of doom, but also paradoxically a source of food.  That was why mice lived in tandem with humans.  It was dangerous for the individual mouse, but it was the most assured and easy way of sustaining the population.  Where there were people, there was food, but there was also danger.  It was the way of the world.

 

Confirming that he was not the intended prey, the tiny creature took the opportunity to scuttle off under the pier to safety, not waiting to see where the heavy feet settled.

 

 

Staring out over the water, Marlena lost herself in the fog for a moment.  The lights on the far side of the riverbank were all but obscured by the heavy wetness in the air and they looked almost ghostly, shrouded as they were.

 

“Marlena, why don’t you come and sit down?” Gene coaxed gently.

 

“No,” she shook her head slowly as she closed her eyes, remembering past nights in this place. 

 

“Sweetheart, I don’t like you standing that close to the water,” Q came up behind her and wrapped his fingers around her upper arm, “and I think we need to talk about what happened tonight.  Please come and sit down.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Marlena shook her head, but at the same time she shrugged, surrendering the argument before it even started.  Letting Q lead her back to the refuge of the overhanging pier, she took a seat on the one of the makeshift benches.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, “I just panicked when I saw her pour that drink.  It made me wonder how many other times she’s done it and what harm it’s done to my child.”

 

“Your baby is fine,” Q nodded with an assurance that surprised Marlena. 

 

“How do you *know* that?” she shook her head hopelessly.  “None of us can know that until the baby is born.”

“Just trust me,” Q laid his hand over hers.  “I know.  Just as I know that your baby wasn’t harmed by the bottle of wine early in your pregnancy.”

 

“Oh,” Marlena’s cheeks stained with a slight blush. 

 

She had panicked one night after finding out about the pregnancy when she had remembered the wine, but Gene had guaranteed her that it had not affected her baby.  That, he could promise her with all that he was.  That had been enough for Marlena then and it would have to be enough for her now.

 

Crossing her forearms across her knee, she leaned forward and took another deep and cleansing breath.

 

“I don’t know why I let her get to me so much,” she frowned, etching delicate lines into her cheeks.  “I tried so hard to ignore her.  But she won’t let me.  Every time she has to attack me.”  She looked across at Gene.  “Even when there was nothing at all between John and I, she never left me in any doubt about how she felt about me.”

 

“People are frightened by what they don’t understand,” Q told her gently.  “Kristen doesn’t understand your kindness, your innate goodness.  So, she attributes her own motives to you to explain how you behave.  And she also doesn’t understand the love that you and John share.  She’s so vapid that she thinks it’s all about sex and pretty faces.  I doubt she’s ever really loved John.  Or anyone else for that matter.  It’s all about what makes her feel good.”  He shook his head.  “That’s why she hates you, because you make *other* people feel good, and she doesn’t get that.”

 

“I don’t know Gene,” Marlena shook her head again.  “I keep thinking I should understand her.  I’m a psychiatrist for goodness sakes.”  She held up slender fingers, her gestures adding import to her words.  “I should be able to understand what motivates her, makes her say those things.  But I….” she sighed, “I guess I’m too close to the situation.  My judgment’s clouded where John and my family are concerned.”

 

“Nothing wrong with that,” Q smiled, his eyes sparkling.

 

“Yes there *is* something wrong with that,” Marlena sat back with a flash of annoyance.  “I don’t know how to deal with her.  I don’t know how to deal with John when she’s around him.  I feel like I’m constantly on edge.  I try and ignore her but she’s constantly there, baiting me, trying to cause some kind of scene.  I’m getting paranoid Gene,” her shoulders slumped with the exhalation of the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.  “After tonight, I just don’t know how much longer I can stay quiet around her.  I see her and I realize that is my baby she is carrying and everything single thing she does could affect it.”

 

Wincing, she rubbed her taut forehead with her fingers.  “I guess I have to face the fact that the two of you were right,” she added grudgingly.  “About keeping the truth from me I mean.”  Dropping her fingers she turned to Q, her nose and cheeks rosy from the chilled air.  “I’ve known for *how* long?  And already I’m too stressed to be able to deal with her in any sort of rational way.”

 

“It’s not a rational situation,” Q reminded her graciously.  “Of course you’re worried.  It’s only natural.  But this situation exists now, and we have to figure out the best way to deal with it.  Or you’re going to put *this* baby in danger,” he patted her stomach gently.

 

 

******

 

 

The waterfront area had a deserted feeling as John walked towards the pier.  He had seen Eugene shuffle Marlena out of the pub earlier and he had immediately been worried sick.  However, it had been difficult to get away from Kristen, and in the end, he had asked Bo and Hope to do him a favour and take Kristen home. 

 

Insisting that she needed the rest, he had told her that he wanted to stay for a while and talk business.  There was a lot he had missed while he was in hospital, he reminded her, and he needed to start catching up.  She had resisted, but in the end realizing that Marlena was no longer at the party, Kristen had relented.  Reminding John that he needed his rest too, she allowed Bo to guide her to his car.

 

So, it was only now that John was able to look for Marlena.  He had called her apartment but the babysitter insisted she had not seen Marlena or Eugene.  John knew Marlena well though, and if she was upset, she was most likely to seek refuge down at the docks.

 

 

******

 

 

“Well, that was certainly an interesting party,” Trudie flicked her dark auburn curls behind her shoulder as they walked to Roman’s car.  “Do your family always invite such drama?”

 

“Oh, you don’t even know the half of it,” Roman shook his head as he considered the impossible task of trying to explain his family to Trudie.  “I don’t know whether it’s the Brady’s, or whether it’s Salem but we’ve had our fair share of misfortune that’s for sure.”

 

“Like what?” Trudie was genuinely curious.  Everything that had happened around her at the pub had night had served to arouse her curiosity to an almost unbearable level.  “I mean your dad said something about thinking that John was their son.  What was that all about?”

 

“I could tell you, but it would sound insane,” Roman stifled an almost embarrassed laugh.

 

“Try me,” Trudie wrapped her fingers around his and squeezed his hand with a happy smile.  “I think maybe I should know what I’m letting myself in for here.”

 

“Well, it was a while ago now….” They had reached the car and Roman opened the passenger door for her.  When they were both inside, Roman inserted the key in the ignition and leaned back in his seat.  “It went kinda like this.  The family thought I had been killed, although really I was holed up in a jail cell somewhere.  John was brainwashed to take my place in the family, and he thought he was me for a number of years.  Then I came back to Salem and John discovered he was Lawrence Alamain’s brother.  Lawrence is part of a minor Royal family in Europe,” he added to a stunned Trudie.  “And not only that but he had been a priest before Stefano had gotten hold of him.”

 

“Stefano?” Trudie asked faintly.

 

“Stefano DiMera,” Roman nodded.  “The same man that held me prisoner for seven years.  A complete madman.”

 

“And your family believed that John was *you*?” Trudie asked with wide eyes.  When Roman had said this was insane, she didn’t realize he meant it literally.

 

“Yeah,” Roman nodded, but mostly without the bitterness that had plagued him in the past.  “Go figure huh?”

 

“I guess at least you can safely say that you’re not a dull family,” Trudie shrugged trying to keep the tone of the conversation light.

 

“And like I said,” Roman managed to crack a grin, “you don’t know the half of it.”

 

 

******

 

 

The diffuse light of the pier reflected off jet black eyes as the mouse watched the humans intently.   They had been sitting in the same position for a long time but there was no sign of the crumbs of food that the rodent coveted.

 

Whiskers quivered as the scent of another approaching human washed over him and his tail twitched impulsively.  Still, there was no sign of anything edible.  Determining at last that there would be no scraps to bear to his nest tonight, the mouse scampered away in search of greener pastures.

 

“Doc?” John’s voice conveyed the relief that he felt at seeing that she was safe and well.  “Doc I was worried *sick* about you.  Why did you take off like that?”

 

“John,” Marlena said nothing else but rose from the bench and allowed herself to be enveloped by his waiting arms.

 

He held her for several minutes, just relishing the feeling of having her in his arms.  Her scent was warm and sensual, and he gently stroked her hair before laying soft kisses on the top of her head.  He could feel the small shake of her shoulders that heralded each sob and his heart broke as she wept silently against his chest.

 

It took a little while for her to relax against him, but when she finally did, he pushed her away a little so he could see her reddened eyes.

 

“Want to tell me what that was all about?” he prompted softly.  Marlena shrugged sadly, but she was interrupted by a small hiccup and John smiled sweetly.  “Now I *know* you don’t hiccup without a reason, so why don’t you sit down, and we can all talk.”  With no argument from Marlena, he guided her back to the bench where Eugene had shifted over.

 

“Now I assume this is about Kristen,” he said, settling himself next to her.  Frowning, he shook his head, “I am so sorry about what she said in there Doc, I just can’t even believe she could *say* those things.”

 

“Oh, I can,” Marlena nodded bitterly, and she wiped her face with shaking fingers, “it’s nothing she hasn’t said before.”

 

“Before?” John looked confused.

 

“Right after you were shot, and then again after you’d come out of surgery,” Gene told him.  “But she’s never done it in your presence before.  That’s what worries me.”

 

“You can’t let her get to you Doc,” John counseled her.  “She’s not worth it.”

 

“It wasn’t that John,” Marlena shook her head tiredly.  “Like I said, she’s done it before.  I can cope with that. 

 

What I can’t cope with is seeing her deliberately trying to harm my baby.”

 

‘Delib….?” John shook his head, a crease between his eyes.  “What?”

 

“We saw Kristen slugging a couple of shots of vodka into her orange juice,” Gene explained, almost as weary as Marlena.

 

“Oh,” John closed his eyes and looked away, trying to control his disgust.

 

“I was on my way over there to kill her when Gene dragged me out of the pub,” Marlena smiled gratefully at Q.  “Otherwise I think the game would have been well and truly up.”

 

“No wonder you were upset,” John slipped his arm around her shoulders. 

 

“I’m sorry for being so angry with you for not telling me,” Marlena offered quietly.  “I’m beginning to think that you were completely justified.  Every time I see her it gets harder and harder not to say anything.  And then when she does things like that….” she shook her head, casting her eyes down to the worn wood of the pier.

 

“Well, I think we’d just better make sure you don’t see her again,” John suggested.  “She’s supposed to be having complete bed rest anyway and I have a sympathetic nurse in there watching her.  I’m sure I can ask Maya to call me if Kristen tries to leave the apartment.  That way you don’t have to worry about bumping into her, and *I* don’t have to worry about her following me.”

 

“What about her appointments at the hospital?” Marlena looked a little disbelieving of the efficacy of John’s plan.  “And don’t you think she’s going to get a little suspicious if you’re away from the loft for extended periods of time?”

 

“Work,” John raised his eyebrows with a sly smirk.  “I’ve got an awful lot of work to catch up on and I think I may even have to go to Chicago for a couple of days for a business meeting.  And I think *you*,” he added, tapping her nose with his index finger, “could do with a few more days rest.  Am I right?”

 

“Oh, you’re definitely right,” Marlena suddenly felt a whole lot better.

 

“Where’s Kristen now John?” Q asked, feeling very much like a third wheel in this conversation.

 

“I got Bo to take her home,” John replied, still gazing at Marlena.  “I had some colleagues that I needed to catch up with.”

 

“Oh, did you just?” Marlena murmured as she snuggled closer to him.

 

“Well, if that’s the case you don’t need me to run interference,” Q decided pushing himself from the bench.  “I think I’ll just head home now then.  I assume you’ll see Marlena safely back to the penthouse?”

 

“Sure thing, Gene,” John could barely hear himself over the pounding in his chest and his ears.  The way she was looking at him made him want her so badly he could hardly control himself and he didn’t even see Eugene leave the pier.

 

“Doc?” he whispered, his face only inches away from hers.

 

“Mmmm-hmmm?” she squeaked.  Her cheeks were still flushed, not from the cold now, but the warmth that seemed to be radiating from her at his touch.

 

“Every time I look at you, I swear you get more beautiful,” he breathed as his fingers traced the curves of her face.

 

“I think you’re biased,” she smiled gracefully.

 

“Oh, most definitely,” John’s fingers skittered over her lips with a cool touch.  “But even if I didn’t love you insanely, I’d still think you were the most beautiful woman in the world.”

 

“Oh John,” his eyes were almost indigo in the shadowy lighting of the docks, and she found herself caught in their gravitational pull.  Not that she wanted to fight him.

 

“I do love you Doc.” His voice was husky and emotional.  “I can’t tell you enough what you mean to me.  How you make me feel.  It’s as though when I’m with you, everything is right again.  I’m whole and I have everything I’ll ever want or need.”

 

“It must be true love then,” Marlena said very softly, with the hint of a smile.  “Because that’s exactly how you make me feel.”

 

It was as though John lost all capacity for speech then.  All he wanted to do was to taste her, to feel her soft, warm lips against his, and slowly, he bent his head to hers.

 

Marlena gasped a little headily as she felt his warm breath against her cheek and then she closed her eyes as his lips swept with a tingle across her cheekbone.  Her heartbeat hastened as he nuzzled her cheek, his fingers sweeping into her warm, fragrant hair.

 

Her breaths were shallow as John pulled back and looked at her, his eyes almost devouring her face, as if he couldn’t get enough of the sight of her.  Her need for him echoed through her body as her golden eyes fastened on his heavy lips, wordlessly begging for him to take her.

 

With a barely vocal sigh, John moved his hands so that they were either side of her face, the heels of his palms encompassing the warmth of her cheeks.  Marlena’s lips parted as she watched him close his eyes and then bend his head towards her.  Her own eyes fluttered closed almost involuntarily as he tilted her head back slightly.

 

Almost by instinct, John searched for Marlena’s mouth with his own.  He could feel her there, right in front of him, but he wanted to savor the moment, and he hovered just millimeters away from her.  Marlena was almost shivering with anticipation as he swiped his lips past hers.  He was so close that he was almost touching her, but she knew he delighted in teasing her like this.  Truth be known, she found it rather delicious herself.

 

John’s breaths were coming faster, and he parted his lips slightly as he brushed them with exquisite tenderness over Marlena’s.   She moaned as his lower lip caught hers, the scant pressure of it enough to urge hers sideways before they parted again.  She swallowed as she tried to move forward, to catch him by surprise, but he was controlling the play and his hands were gentle but definitely firm.

 

Still, she lifted her own hands and laid them against his chest, feeling the drilling of his heart beneath the warm cotton.  That seemed to be enough motivation for John, and he swooped again, his lips catching hers in a soft, sweet kiss.  He repeated the motion, holding her lips for just a moment longer so that to Marlena, they felt they were tingling.

 

A tiny moan escaped her as he loosened his hold on her and slipped one of his hands down so that it cupped her cheek.  Taking the chance that was offered, she snaked her hand up and over his shoulder and threaded her fingers through the short dark hair at the nape of his neck.  Pulling him closer, she parted her lips and with the merest touch, she drew the tip of her tongue along John’s lower lip.  Feeling him shiver, she pressed herself closer to him and gently parted his lips with her tongue, slipping it tentatively into his mouth.

 

John responded by burying his fingers in her hair and crushing his lips against hers.  Their tongues tangled as they kissed passionately, abandoning the reserve that they had cultivated while in public to a sensual intimacy that they had both longed for.  

 

Marlena tasted warm and sweet, like luscious summer fruit, and the feel of her body as it moved against his inflamed John’s lust and love for her even more.  He knew as much as he ever had that he would never be able to get enough of her.  She poured through his veins like fire, like blood.  She was his sustenance, his reason for being and without her he couldn’t survive.

 

“Oh Doc,” he pulled away from her slightly, his heart hammering in his chest.  His eyes scoured her face, his spirit soaring at the mere sight of her beautiful face.  Her lips were reddened and bruised and her eyes sparkled with an ungoverned passion.  “God I love you.  I think I’ve loved you since time begun.  You know baby, my life didn’t begin till I laid eyes on you.”

 

“Oh honey,” her own love for him simply shone in her eyes, “I don’t think-”

 

“Marlena,” John loosened his fingers from her hair and gently swept it off her face, “I’m serious.  Whatever happened before I came to Salem, I just don’t care about any of it.  I’d give up every Alamain dime if it would guarantee that you would be in my arms forever.  You and the kids mean *everything* to me.  I never want you to forget that, or doubt it again.  Okay?”

 

“Okay,” Marlena nodded her head gracefully, humbled by the intensity of his words.  “And I never want you to forget that you are also what I cherish most in this world.  You and the children.  Nothing was ever right when we were alone, when you were gone.”  She sighed with a slightly melancholy air, and he lifted his hand to her face again.

 

“You’re not alone now Doc.  You don’t have to face anything alone anymore.”

 

“I know,” she searched his face with a mysterious smile.

 

“I sense a ‘but’ coming,” John raised his eyebrows.

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Marlena shrugged her shoulders and looked away.  “Maybe I’m just so used to dealing with problems that I’m looking for them where they don’t even exist.”

 

“What are you saying sweetheart?” John turned her head back to him with gentle fingers under her chin.  She said nothing for a moment, but her eyes couldn’t hide the turmoil that she was experiencing.  At last “I’m frightened John,” she said quietly at last.  “We have so much in front of us.  And I’m not just talking about the thing with Kristen.  I’m just frightened that it’s too much.  That maybe we weren’t *meant* to be together and that fate will find a way to separate us again.”

 

“Now you listen to me,” John said with firm assurance, “We *can* make it.  We’re *going* to make it.”  His voice softened as he saw the doubt in her eyes.  He knew what she was thinking; that he was denying the problems that they had, thinking that everything was going to be smooth sailing from here on in.  The truth was that he knew only too well the problems that they had to face.  They hit him square on every time he saw Marlena with Eugene.  But he knew that they weren’t insurmountable. 

 

“Baby, I’m frightened too, I *know* it’s going to be hard.”  He smiled as he smoothed her hair back off her face.  “But you know I think of everything we have been through to get here.  And here we are.  Together.  That’s got to count for something.”  He leaned forward and dropped a soft kiss on her forehead.  “I think that everything we have fought to be together so far *proves* that we *are* meant to be together.  There’s a song I keep hearing on the radio,” he grinned, “I think I’ve memorized the chorus ‘cause I’m sure they wrote it about us.”  Gazing intently at her, he stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers and recited the words that had touched him.  

 

“After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts.  Two angels who’ve been rescued from the fall.  And after all that we’ve been through, it all comes down to me and you.  I guess it’s meant to be, forever you and me.  After all.”  Tears clouded Marlena’s eyes as she looked up at him.  “I’m not saying I don’t think it’s going to be hard Doc.  I’m just saying that we have to try.  Any other option is unthinkable to me.  And I hope to you too.”

 

“Oh of course it is,” she broke out with a half-laugh and a half-sob.  “I love you so much.  I just…love you.”

 

“Well, I think that’s all that really matters,” he whispered as he leant closer to her, “you loving me and me loving you.  As long as we remember that we can face anything together.”

 

He was so close his lips almost brushed hers as he spoke and not for the first time, Marlena felt her thoughts fade into the background as her longing for him took over.  Moving on instinct, her arms found their own away around John’s neck and she caught his lips with her own.  Infiltrating his mouth with her tongue, she began a demanding exploration, moving even closer to him and she felt his arms around her waist.

 

The sensation of Marlena’s tongue colliding with his, searching desperately, wanting more of him, was almost more than John could bear.  He wanted to make love to her so badly, he wanted to hold her in his arms again, feel her skin as it slid across his…

 

“John?” They both tensed as they heard the voice.  “My God, *Mom*?”  Sami had been expecting to see John with Kristen and she blinked rapidly as she tried to make sense of what her eyes were telling her.

 

Marlena felt her stomach flip as her daughter neared them.  The last thing she needed was for war to erupt between her and Sami again.

 

“Sami honey, we can explain,” John said quietly as he let Marlena go

 

“Explain….” Sami shook her head in disbelief.

 

“Yeah,” John stood up and took a step towards his erstwhile stepdaughter.  “This isn’t exactly how it looks, if you’ll just let us explain….”

 

Sami said nothing as she tried to process the information.

 

“You see, it’s a long story, but -”

 

“Wait!” Sami butted in before he could begin to explain.  “Just tell me one thing.”  She eyed Marlena and then John.  “Are you two back together?”

 

“Well…” John wasn’t sure what Sami wanted to hear, and he wasn’t quite sure what to say to her.

 

“Yes, we are Sami,” Marlena answered for him as she walked across the old boards to where he stood.  Taking his hand in hers, her voice was husky.  “It’s complicated, and for a lot of reasons we can’t tell everyone yet, but yes, we are back together.”

 

John was silent as he waited for what seemed like an endless moment for Sami’s reaction.  He’d only just gotten her back, he didn’t want to lose her again now because of one careless moment.

 

“Well, I think that’s *fantastic*,” a broad smile bloomed on Sami’s face.

 

“You do?” John’s surprise was equally as plain on his face.

 

“I really do,” Sami nodded her head enthusiastically.

 

“Oh Sami,” Marlena stepped forward with unabated relief and joy and hugged her daughter.  John watched them, his own relief bubbling up as laughter in his throat.

 

“So, what are these reasons?” Sami asked as she sat down on the bench between them.  “I mean they must be pretty serious if you can’t tell your own family.”

 

“Well, it’s Kristen mainly,” John leaned over, propping his elbows on his knees.  “You see, your mom is having *my* baby, not Eugene’s and we’re worried that if Kristen learns that, she’ll get violent.”

 

“You really think she’d try and hurt Mom?” Sami asked with some surprise.

 

“We just don’t know,” Marlena said quietly, “she’s extremely unpredictable right now and we just don’t know what she could do.”

 

“She already tried to kill herself Sami,” John’s brow was creased between his eyes the way it always did when he was worried, Sami reflected.  “When I left her a few months ago, she took a bottle of sleeping pills.”

 

“Wow,” Sami sat back, “well I saw what happened at the Penthouse Grille after you….” she blinked uncomfortably.  “Well, there was tonight too.  She seems really over the edge to me.”  She looked up at John, her blue eyes icily clear.  “I never liked her John and I never understood what you saw in her.”

 

“Yeah well,” John shrugged, “can’t deny that I’m asking myself the same question.”

 

“But what difference does her baby being born make?”  She turned back to Marlena.  “I mean I know that it’s John’s kid and all, but how would that stop her coming after you, just cos her baby is born?”

 

“Well….” Marlena bit her lip as she tried to figure out just how much Sami would be able to comprehend. 

 

“It’s not that having the baby will *stop* her Sami,” John took over for Marlena, “it’s more that once she has the baby, she won’t be able to harm it because she won’t have it anymore.”

 

“What-?” Sami shook her head.  “You two are going to bring up *her* baby as well?”

 

“It’s not her baby,” Marlena explained in a quiet voice.  “It’s mine.  Mine and John’s.”

 

Sami leaned back from Marlena slightly, quite unable to keep her expression neutral.

 

“She thinks I’ve gone stark raving mad John,” Marlena laughed lightly.  “And I can’t say that I blame her.”

 

“Your mother’s telling the truth Samantha,” John didn’t share Marlena’s amusement at the situation.  “I know it *seems* insane, but the fact is that Kristen is carrying our baby and we need to do everything we can to ensure its safety.”

 

“Does *Kristen* know this little piece of information?” Sami asked, her disbelief still obvious.

 

“No,” John shook his head.  “I know, I *know* it doesn’t make any sense.  To tell you the truth *we* don’t understand it either.  But it *is* a fact and it’s something we have been trying to deal with.”

 

“And that’s the reason for the secrecy,” Marlena added.  “We just can’t risk Kristen finding out the truth.  About any of it.”

 

Sami nodded her head slowly as she tried to make sense of this madness.  It had to be true.  Why would they tell her something so crazy if it wasn’t true?  Actually, it was crazy enough that it *had* to be true.  No-one could make that stuff up, surely.

 

But whatever the heck was going on with Kristen, Sami knew one thing.  She was simply thrilled that her mother was getting back together with John.  She had seen how miserable Marlena had been, how miserable they both had been without each other.  After everything they had been through, they deserved to be together and happy, and she couldn’t be more delighted for them.

 

“I have one more question,” she said finally, with the hint of a smile.

 

“What’s that honey?” Marlena asked gently as she brushed Sami’s hair back behind her shoulder.

 

“I want to know how I can help,” she looked at both of them with a happy smile.  “I want to do everything I can to help you two keep your secret and have as much time together as possible.  Because if anyone deserves to have the best of everything, it’s you two.”

 

“Oh Sami,” Marlena leant her head on one side and studied her beautiful young daughter.  “I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

 

“Me either Sami,” John said throatily behind Sami.  “I know it’s been hard for you.  I know we’ve hurt you, but I want to thank you for giving us this second chance.  It means everything to your mother and I.”

 

“Well,” Sami turned to John, his eyes almost bluer than her own.  “I’m just sorry I let self-pity rule my life for so long.  I’m sorry *I* hurt the two of you so much,” she dropped her head guiltily.  “Neither of you deserved the kind of punishment that I inflicted on you.”  She sighed and stared out over the water.  “Neither you *or* Carrie and Austin.”

 

“Honey,” Marlena laid a gentle hand on Sami’s shoulder.  “I hope you’re not blaming yourself-”

 

“It’s pretty hard not to Mom,” Sami interrupted.  “I keep thinking if only I hadn’t interfered things would have been so much better between them.  Austin would have been able to accept the baby.  He wouldn’t have gotten involved with that *creep*…”  She shook her head in frustration.

 

“Sami, what happened between Carrie and Austin recently had *nothing* to do with you,” John tried to reassure her.

 

“But if I hadn’t done everything I could to undermine their relationship for so long….” Sami’s voice faltered as she looked at her mother.  “What I did to them was unforgivable,” she whispered, tears melting her glacial eyes.  “And I never got the chance to say I was sorry.  I can never tell Austin how sorry I was, and Carrie can’t hear me when I try.”  Tears gathered on her lash and trembled for a moment before spilling across her chilled skin.  “What difference is being sorry now when no-one is listening?”

 

“We’re listening honey,” Marlena whispered tenderly.  “And somewhere I am sure, Austin is listening too.” 

 

“It’s a big difference, Samantha,” John added as he covered Sami’s hand with his.  “It’s the difference between living a lie and growing up and admitting your mistakes.”  Leaning forward with a smile, he pressed his lips to the side of her head.  “I’m really proud of you, sweetheart.”

 

“So am I, sweetie girl,” Marlena was filled with mixed emotions as she watched John with Sami.  She felt Sami’s pain and regret so intensely it felt like it was her own.  But mostly she felt joy at seeing her daughter finally at peace with herself, despite those regrets.  And she felt joy at seeing how close she was to John after all this time.  It was as though things were really finally coming right in all their lives.  She only wished Carrie would somehow miraculously recover too.  Unfortunately, Carrie was a reminder of how fast things could go from right to wrong.  Especially if John was right, and Stefano DiMera was involved.

 

Marlena shivered involuntarily and Sami looked up in concern.

 

“Mom, are you okay?”

 

“Sure sweetheart,” Marlena’s smile covered her sudden discomfort, but John wasn’t fooled.

 

“Doc?” he raised his eyebrows.

 

It’s nothing, really,” she pulled her coat closer around her, suddenly aware of the wet mist that had rolled in off the river.

 

“Doc, are you sure you’re okay?” he remained unconvinced having seen the emotions that clouded her eyes only moments before.

 

“I’m cold John,” her glare conveyed a totally different story to the smile on her lips.  “That’s all.”

 

“All right then,” he nodded his head, admitting defeat.  “It’s probably time I was getting you home anyway.  We can’t sit out here all night, can we?”

 

“No, you’re right, we can’t,” Marlena agreed, her expression softening.  “So.  You going to take me home?”

 

“You just try and stop me,” John grinned.

 

“Okay,” Sami chuckled and pushed herself off the bench, “I get the hint.”

 

“No way lady,” John caught her hand and both he and Marlena stood.  “I thought you’d learnt your lesson about walking around the waterfront by yourself.  We’ll walk you back to the pub before I take Marlena home, okay?”

 

“No arguments Sami,” Marlena slid her arm around Sami’s shoulders.  “We’re going to make sure you’re safe whether you like it or not, okay?”

 

“Well actually I have a confession to make,” Sami’s eyes sparkled with a soft, almost dreamy quality as she looked up at her mother.  “I like it a lot.  It feels like I’m part of a real family again.”

 

“Good,” John draped his arm over Sami’s shoulders from the other direction.  “You’d better get used to liking it too.  Cause we’re going to want the babies to spend lots of time with their big sister.”

 

“I can’t wait!” Sami touched tentative fingers to her mother’s rounded stomach and then grinned at Marlena.  “I really think this is great Mom.  This is the best news I could have possibly gotten today.”

 

“Well let’s just pray that the good news continues,” Marlena replied with a gentle smile as she maneuvered the young woman in the direction of the steps.  “I think we’ve had enough of the bad.  So, let’s just have the good from now on, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Sami and John agreed in happy unison as the three of them made their way to the staircase.

 

 

In the shadows, the mouse watched the humans depart the waterfront.  Ebony eyes flittered with nervous hunger.  Waiting for a moment, it scurried forth into the dim light, searching for something, anything edible.  

 

But the humans had left nothing behind them.  Nothing but the warm scent of faith, love and desire.  They were not things to sustain a mouse, but in the right climate, they could nourish the human soul forever.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 102 – Lovers

 

 

“Maggie?”  Mickey closed the door softly behind him and turned to his beautiful wife.

 

“Mmmmm-hmmm?” Maggie pulled the wrap from around her shoulders and dropped it on the chair.

 

“Did you have a nice time tonight?” he asked softly.

 

“I had a lovely time,” Maggie turned to him with a warm smile on her face.  “I miss the family get-togethers.”  Nearing Mickey, she slipped her arms around his waist.  “It seems we don’t see nearly enough of the family anymore.”

 

“I know,” Mickey nodded his head, heavy with the regret of the powerless.  “They’re all so scattered, the only time we all get together these days is for weddings or funerals.”  He sighed mournfully.  “And we have too many of the latter and not nearly enough of the former if you ask me.”

 

Maggie was silent for a moment as she remembered Austin’s funeral.  It had been a small affair and a devastated Billie had returned to Europe only days later.  Now Kate was also threatening to leave Salem with her son Phillip.  Salem was, she said in a moment of utter despair, cursed, and no-one could ever be truly happy here.

 

“We’re happy aren’t we Mickey?” she asked in a small voice.

 

“Of course we are, darling,” his smile was tender and spoke of his love and utter devotion to her.

 

“Oh,” she smiled back, tears glittering unshed.

 

“I see you have your red dancing shoes on,” he winked at her, and she looked down.  The shoes on her feet were cream pumps.

 

“Why, I do don’t I?”

 

Her expression dazzled her husband as he took her in his arms, and they began to dance slowly to the music that only they could hear.

 

“I love you, Maggie Horton.”

 

“And I love you, Mickey Horton.”

 

 

******

 

 

Moonlight slipped across the carpet in long silver columns, slithering down the steps and drenching the sofa with its ghostly luster.  All was still outside, and the penthouse was silent as John closed the door behind him.  The lights of Salem served as an appropriately beautiful backdrop as Marlena crossed the room ahead of him, the sway of her hips accentuating the beautiful swell of her stomach.

 

John suddenly wondered if he had ever loved her more than he did right now.  She really was everything he had ever wanted or desired.

 

Oblivious to John’s admiring gaze, Marlena sighed lightly as she dropped her gloves and her purse on the table in the living room.  They came to rest against a picture of she and John with a smiling Belle between them.  Marlena picked up the picture, her hands caressing the silver frame and she smiled.

 

“She’s beautiful isn’t she?” she whispered to John as he came up behind her.

 

“She looks just like her lovely mother,” John replied softly as he reached out and touched his fingertips to Belle’s face.  “I can’t wait to tell them Doc.” He said with an undercurrent of excitement.  “I can’t wait to see their faces when we tell them we’re going to be a family.” 

 

Gently he guided her hand back to the table and she placed the picture down on the wooden surface.  Then his strong fingers gently traced the contours of the back of her hand as they slid upwards.  Snaring her wrist, he pulled her gently so that she turned on her heel to face him. 

 

“Finally.”  He whispered, watching her eyes as they danced in the moonlight.  In the silver light, they were unusually dark, but as they always did to John, her eyes spoke of passion with a hint of mystery.  He could lose himself in those eyes, trying to evince the thoughts that passed behind them.  She would never be an open book to him, but then, he didn’t want her that way.  Part of her appeal was her strength, her individuality and her unerring determination to maintain her principles.

 

She didn’t show her vulnerable side to many people, only to those that she could trust not to use it against her.  He was just grateful that all those years ago, she had chosen to let him in.  It had brought them to this moment, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would always love her and that he would never ever let her go again.

 

“I love you Doc,” he mouthed as he gazed at her.  With an almost bashful smile, she leaned her head on one side. 

 

“I love you too,” she whispered, her voice wrapping around him like a wash of silk.

 

John’s fingers found her jaw then and he tipped her head back with the tenderest of motions.  His eyes roved her face, traveling familiar curves made strange with glossy silver light.  The sigh died unheard in Marlena’s throat as he dropped his lips to hers, sweet and delicate.

 

The night was only just beginning.

 

 

******

 

 

Hope drew the brush through her long, sleek locks.  The chestnut tresses fell in a thick curtain over her shoulder, splaying luxuriously against the crimson silk of the robe she wore.  Madame Rochas, Bo’s favorite scent, rose subtly from the warm skin of her throat as she continued to brush her hair.

 

“Hey Fancy-Face,” Bo murmured as he took the brush from her hand and placed it deliberately on the dresser.  “Don’t you think you’ve spent enough time getting ready for bed?”  He grinned as he dipped his face into the musky aroma that pervaded the area around her.

 

Hope sighed audibly as she felt his lips slide down the side of her neck.  At the same time his hands found the sash at the front of her robe and pulled on the loose ends so that it fell open.  Hope’s head fell back against his shoulder as he explored the golden skin of her throat with his lips and tongue.  Her breath shortened as his tongue found her earlobe and one hand rose to seek a hold in his dark hair. 

 

Bo’s own hands flowed up over the crimson satin of the matching nightgown, traveling familiar paths and eliciting desired responses as they cupped her ample breasts.

 

“Well, I think we’re ready for bed,” he added impudently, his breath hot against her cheek.

“Oh Bo,” Hope said nothing else, but she twisted in his arms and claimed his mouth hungrily with her own.

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen tossed in her bed, pulling the cotton sheets up so that they grazed her chin.  Sleep had been elusive.  Knowing that John was out there somewhere and not sleeping in Brady’s room downstairs was not a comforting thought.

 

But after a short while mulling over the possibilities, she had fallen into an uneasy sleep.  Pregnancy left her weary and lethargic and sometimes it was all she could do to succumb to sleep when it stole over her.

 

As Kristen slept, John came to her in her dreams, convincing her of his desire for her, the proof of his love in his insensate touch. 

 

His cerulean eyes glowed as he looked down at her, his fingers playing with the hair at her temple.  He said nothing as she reached up and touched her fingers to his lips.  She didn’t notice that she could not feel him, that there was no warmth to his skin, no moistness against her fingertips.  She believed that it was real because she wanted to believe it.  Because she needed to believe it.

 

Any other truth but her version was unthinkable.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena shrugged the cream jacket from her shoulders and slung it over the back of a chair as she watched John light the candles on the center table.  The wicks flickered for a moment, spluttering with waxen indignation before springing to fervent life.  Immediately, the room shimmered with a golden hue, complete with shy, wavering shadows.

 

“Music?” John asked stepping over to the stereo.  Marlena nodded silently; her lips pursed in a tiny smile as she watched him.  The soft orange light of the naked flame seemed to melt into all surfaces, transforming the previously silvered room into a welcoming and private haven.

 

John switched on the stereo and smiled appreciatively as the soft strains of soul music spilled from the discretely placed speakers.  Looking up at Marlena, he realized in a disconnected thought that she must have redone her lipstick at some point.  The soft pink gloss on her lips glistened in the flickering light and her hair fell around her face like a golden halo.  She looked utterly gorgeous.

 

“Would you like to dance, Dr. Evans?” he held his hand out as he neared her.  With a wordless nod, she took it and allowed him to wrap his free arm around her waist.  Slowly, she slipped her own hand up over the cotton of his shirt and along his shoulder.  John’s heart jumped as he felt her fingers linger with a delicate touch on the back of his neck.  He wanted her so badly, more than he could imagine was possible.  It took every shred of his willpower not to pull her down to the couch and make love to her right now.

 

Then her hand curled around his neck, pulling him close to her and he lifted her hand to his chest, pressing her palm against the warm cotton of his carmine shirt.  He curled his fingers around hers and held it there so that she could feel the way his heart thumped with longing.  Looking up at him, she was seized by the incandescent lust that blazed in his eyes and she swallowed involuntarily.

 

They stayed that way for long moments, just swaying to the soft music and staring into each other’s eyes.

 

Slowly, John dropped the hand that had been settled around her waist so that his fingers lingered over the soft curve of her rear.  Breathing in her scent, he closed his eyes and just relished the feeling of holding her in his arms.  At one time he had thought he would never be here again, never be holding her, never being able to tell her how he felt about her.  He had to do everything in his power to get it right this time.  He couldn’t risk losing her again.  Ever.

 

The silky fabric of her dress rustled under his hand as he drew his fingers lightly up her back, grazing her backbone so delicately that she shivered in his arms.  Opening his eyes, he gazed down into her honeyed ones.

“Okay, Doc?” he asked in a whisper.  With huge and expectant eyes, she nodded.  As much as he wanted her, Marlena’s passion for him was just as strong.  She loved him with her heart and her soul, and it was as though their bodies were made for each other.  No-one had ever made her feel the way John did.  Even with a simple kiss, he could rouse a trembling hunger stronger than any she had ever known. 

 

When they had been married, there had been entire weekends that they had made their own, venturing from the bedroom only long enough to raid the kitchen and build up their reserves for another few hours.  And nothing had changed.  She still wanted him as much as she ever had.  Her body still tingled at his touch, her knees almost failing her as he moved his hand from hers and drew a cool finger over the curve of a bared shoulder.

 

“Doc?” he whispered, his lips brushing her cheek.

 

“Mmmm?” she almost squeaked as her hand curved around his neck so that her arms encircled him.

 

“I love you,” he buried his nose in her hair, his lips murmuring hotly against her ear.  A tremor of excitement shook her, though barely noticeable, and she took a steadying breath.

 

Encouraged by her reaction, John traced the outline of her ear with his lips and then caught her lobe with his teeth, sucking on it gently.  Feeling her intake of breath even before he heard it, he was finally convinced that she wanted him almost as much as he wanted her.  With deliberate tenderness, his lips drifted across her cheek and then he pulled back from her, studying her intently.

 

Her hazel eyes seemed to wash from brown to green almost instantaneously, the inky pupils widening with desire as the flecks of gold that dappled her irises flashed in the candlelight.  Her cheeks were dusted with a glorious translucent rose, and her lips were kissably moist.  She couldn’t be more perfect if he had dreamed her from nothing.

 

Without a word, she tightened her arms around his neck and perched on tiptoes.  Leaning forward, she brushed her glossy lips across his.  John groaned as he felt his body respond to her invitation, and his own lips searched blindly for hers again. 

 

Hands threaded her hair as John’s lips bussed hers, gentle sweeps stealing the sheen.  She tasted glorious and John soon increased the urgency of his kisses, his tongue sliding between welcoming lips in a continuing exploration.

 

As the music swelled to a euphonious climax, they stood in the center of the room, bodies entwined, hearts rendering their own sweet chorus, minds aware of nothing but each other.

 

 

******

 

 

Above John and Marlena, a door closed silently.  With a sigh, Q closed his eyes and dropped onto the bed.  He hadn’t imagined this would be so hard.  He had imagined plenty of scenarios, but in all his variations, he had at least been able to deal with seeing her in John’s arms.  He had been happy for her, maybe a little sad for himself, but at least happy for her.

 

So, he wasn’t prepared for this overwhelming jealousy that he felt as he had seen John kissing her.  Unaware that they were down there, he had been on his way downstairs to get a glass of water.  And there they were, smiling, dancing, kissing. 

 

The memory of her was still so fresh, so warm.  He loved her so much it *hurt*.  He could only imagine that John felt the same way, however badly he had treated her.  He couldn’t begrudge either of them that love but it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

 

If only he could hold her, touch her, tell her one last time that he loved her…… 

 

But that was utterly ridiculous.  She was down there, gazing into John’s eyes.  Before long, he would be carrying her up to the bedroom and he would lay her on the bed and then…..

 

Q shook his head.  Why the hell was he doing this to himself?  It was useless.  It was pointless.  It was certainly completely hopeless.

 

Closing his eyes, he pulled the covers over his body and willed sleep to claim him.

 

 

******

 

 

“Abe, honey?” Lexie exited the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe.  She wore a coffee-colored chemise and robe, slightly lighter than the smooth chocolate of her skin.

 

“Wow!” Abe exclaimed, his lips drawing into an appreciative smile.  “When you said you had a surprise I didn’t think…..”

 

“Well,” Lexie neared the bed and pulled on the sash of her robe so that it fell open.  “If you had guessed that would have made me predictable huh?”  She pushed Abe back against the covers of the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling his thighs with her knees.  “I don’t always like to be predictable.”

 

 

******

 

 

Trudie watched as the bubbles escalated in an assiduous trail through the champagne, breaking at the surface with a barely audible hiss.  Lifting her gaze from the glass, she met Roman’s chestnut-colored eyes which twinkled in the soft light.

 

“To us,” he held up one of the champagne flutes.

 

“To us,” she repeated with a sweet smile curving her lips.

 

Roman took a sip from his glass as he gazed at her.  She really was beautiful, and he felt the stirrings in his heart that he had almost expected never to feel again.

 

“Penny for them?” Trudie asked with an intrigued expression.

 

“Hmmmm?” Roman shook his head, almost surprised at her question.

 

“You seem lost deep in thought,” Trudie set her glass down on the table and moved closer to him.  “I can only hope they’re good thoughts.”

 

“They are,” Roman said after a moment, his own smile echoing hers.  “I was just thinking how gorgeous you are.”

 

“Oh,” now she was surprised.  She hadn’t expected that from him.  She didn’t know why, she just hadn’t.

 

He struck her as an intensely private man, and one who didn’t say things he didn’t mean.  She suspected that he didn’t give his love away lightly, and that when he did, it was forever.  She could see that when he looked at his ex-wife.  But she could also see that he had accepted that she was no longer his, and he had let her go.   She suspected he had been hurt badly, emotionally as well as physically and it surprised her that he was so willing to open himself up to her.  It surprised her almost as much as the depth of her own feelings for him.  She had never expected to fall for someone as fast as she had fallen for Roman, but he just seemed to push all her buttons and left her wanting more every time.

 

“And now you’re lost in thought,” Roman teased.  “Make quite the pair, don’t we?”

 

“I think we do actually,” her voice was serious as she folded up her long legs under her and inched towards Roman.

 

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Roman murmured as he lifted his fingers and threaded them between her curls.  Closing his eyes, he felt her lips against his and he parted them, infiltrating her with his tongue, tasting her sweetness as his hand moved over the gentle curves of her body. 

 

It was strange, holding, kissing someone new after all these years.  But he couldn’t say he didn’t like it.  In fact, he liked it rather a lot.

 

“Roman,” Trudie whispered breathily as his lips dropped to her neck.  “Take me to bed.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Mmmmmmm,” Marlena broke the kiss and her eyes fluttered open.

 

“Hi,” John smiled lovingly at her before pulling her closer, nuzzling her cheek softly.

 

Drawing her hand back, she lifted it, laying cool fingers against his temple.  Then, with a tenderly intimate gaze, she drew her fingers down, sketching the angles and curves of his wonderfully familiar face with her fingertips.  It was as though, by touching him, she could somehow draw him into herself so that he would never go, so that they would always be as they were in this moment.

 

John’s heart felt as though it might erupt, as though his love for her was somehow like molten lava, needing some expression, some way to escape.  It was overwhelming, just being here with her, watching her as she watched him.  He knew deep down that he didn’t deserve to be this lucky.  But he wasn’t about to argue the point.  He loved her and she loved him.  That was all that really mattered.

 

The music faded as Marlena touched her fingertips to John’s lips, her own heart pounding out her passion for him.  She could drown in those midnight-blue eyes, be suffocated by the sensual lips she touched, and she would die happy.

 

“Kiss me,” she demanded in a husky whisper and John’s eyes fell to her own lips, heavy and inviting.  Bending his head, he swept his lips over hers evoking a spark of electricity that seemed to linger between them for a moment before suffusing them with a wanton warmth.  His hand drifted to her face, fingers brushing loose hair back from pale skin as he kissed her again, this time more hungry, more demanding.  Marlena responded with her own need, her tongue searching for his as his lips drank in more of her. 

 

Her own fingers slipped through the hair at his temple and tangled in his hair as she attempted to possess even more of him.  The arm around his neck tightened as she pressed herself against him, her body tensing with longing.  She wanted him so badly, wanted to feel him.  And she could feel as she moved against him that he wanted her too.

 

“Marlena-” he pulled back with a gasp.

 

“Don’t talk John,” she commanded, “just take me upstairs.”

 

“But…” he wasn’t sure this was such a good idea.  He had wanted the first time they made love again to be a special moment and he wanted to be sure that Marlena was ready for it.

 

“I don’t want to hear any buts John,” her eyes flashed emerald in the dying candlelight.  “We’ve wasted so much time.  I want you….,” she drew in a quick breath, “I need you.  Now.”  She paused for a moment, seeing the uncertainty that still lingered in his eyes. 

 

Leaning forward, she stopped when her lips were almost touching his cheek, so close that he could feel the vibration of the words against his ear.  “I want you to take me upstairs John Black.  And I want you to make love to me.  I want to feel your body moving against mine.  I want to feel you inside me.”

 

John groaned inadvertently as she caught his earlobe between her lips and began to suck on it.  He could barely move as she scattered hot, moist kisses down his neck and across his throat.  Unbuttoning the top button of his shirt with nimble fingers, her lips gravitated downwards, encountering the soft dark hair that covered his chest.

 

With a carnal growl, John snarled his fingers in her hair and pulled her head back so that he could assault her mouth.  A moan escaped Marlena’s lips as he claimed them, crushing them beneath his own, his tongue tangling with her own in an elaborate battle of wills.

 

She gasped for breath as he suddenly released her, only to take her again, demanding her accession to his will.  She fought him briefly, trying to gain some control, but finally she succumbed, letting him have his way.  Her body responded to his touch with barely restrained lust, her need for him only growing with each moment.  She could feel it, hot and damp as his lips savaged her throat, sucking on the warm, fragrant flesh, sending palpable jolts through her body.

 

“Oh G*d,” she fairly sobbed and John lifted his dark eyes to hers.  “I need you,” she whispered hoarsely.  “Please.”

 

Without a word, John reached down and scooped her up in his arms.  Kissing her once more, he carried her to the staircase.

 

 

******

 

 

“Gene?”  The whisper stirred him from his sleep, and he opened his eyes to find her perched on the edge of his bed.

 

“Marlena?” he was confused as he looked at her, searching for some reason why she should be here, in his room.

 

“I sent John away,” she said by way of explanation.

 

“Away?” he shook his head, his brow creased with astonishment.

 

“It wasn’t right,” she shook her head.  “I was downstairs with him, and something happened.”  She reached her hand out and laid it against his chest where his heart was thumping as though it wanted to leap through this ribcage.  “I realized,” she licked her lips unconsciously, “that it wasn’t him I wanted to be with.  It’s you.”

 

He couldn’t say anything for a moment, he was too astounded by her words.

 

“Gene,” her voice was soft and breathy as she drew her fingers lightly down his torso to find the hem of his T-shirt.  “Do you think maybe….” she slid her hand up under the shirt and over his warm skin.  Leaning close, she brushed cool fingers over an already hard nipple, and he swallowed reflexively, almost desperately.  Somewhere in the distance, his mind screamed madly at him.  This is INSANE.  But she interrupted him with her smooth, honeyed words, “…maybe we could….”

 

She never finished her sentence as she covered his lips with her own, not seeing the look of shock that crossed his features.

 

What the hell?!  his mind carried on an internal dialogue as he felt her tongue slide, wet and warm, between his lips.  She was kissing him.  I saw her.  She loves John.  This is *crazy*.

 

And then, suddenly it hit him as she moved her attention across to his ear, blowing tiny, erotic breaths against the skin just moistened with her tongue.  He shivered with desire.

 

*It’s a dream.*

 

Just as in the beginning of their relationship, when he wanted her so badly and couldn’t have her, he was dreaming about her.  That had to be it.  Though now he knew what she was, he was almost afraid she would fade into nothingness.  But oddly enough, she didn’t.  Instead, her fingers wound in his hair, and she shimmied across the sheets so that she was lying next him.

 

She felt so real to him that it was almost frightening.  And he wondered as she suckled at the sensitive skin of his throat, if he had indeed lost his mind.  Almost more alarming was the fact that he almost didn’t care if he had.

 

She continued to lick and suck his skin, unaware of his inner struggle and her hand snaked downwards, her fingers outlining the large bulge beneath his boxers.

 

“Oh baby,” she lifted her head and whispered against his lips.  “I think we could indeed…..”

 

Q groaned headily as she began to stroke him gently.  Just the feeling of how much he wanted her had made her wet inside but propping her head up with her hand as she leaned on her elbow, she watched him as she touched him.

 

His eyes were closed, his lips red as he bit down on them, trying to maintain some composure.  Leaning down, she traced her tongue along the outside of his ear as she continued to slide the silky fabric under her hand, massaging his hardness with skilled fingers.

 

“Come on my love,” she whispered against his ear, her breath hot and ticklish, “show me how much you like it.  Tell me what you want me to do.”  

 

“Gggeeeahhhh,” Q’s grunt was suffused with a ragged pant.  She was driving him crazy, and her velvety voice just sent him over the edge.

 

“That’s it baby,” she nibbled gently at his jaw, “tell me how it feels when I do…” slipping her hands between the folds of his boxers and took him in her hand, “….*this*.”

 

“Ohhhhh, Oh G*d Marlena,” he moaned uncontrollably as she drew her fingers up over his hot, sticky skin.  Marlena’s own breath was shallow, her lips parted, as with her free hand she pushed his T-shirt upwards.  Although he could hardly move, somehow Q managed to help her and together, they pulled it over his shoulders and discarded it on the floor. 

 

With a tiny smile, Marlena dropped her lips to his chest and kissed him there.  She was still stroking him as she trailed her tongue over his quivering flesh, circling a small brown nipple.

 

“Mmmmppphhh,” he bit back the groan even as she flicked her tongue tantalizingly across the sensitive nub.  Inwardly delighted, she bit him gently and felt his body jump under her touch.

 

“Oh honey,” she whispered against him, her fingers continuing to caress him, “tell me again.  Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

 

“Mmmm, Marlena,” he forced his eyes open to see her blond hair swirl as she bent to tease him again with her lips and tongue.  “Marlena,” it was a moan now as she increased the pressure of her hand as it moved over him.  “*Please*.”

 

“What baby?” she lifted her head, her hazel eyes, burning with lust as they met his.

“S….*Stop*,” he managed to stammer as he wrenched her hand from its sweet torture of him.

 

In one swift movement, he had her pinned on her back, her hands above her head.  Her eyes searched his as he stared down at her.  Her eyes were remarkably green, her lips, red and wanton as he stared at her and slowly, she parted them, wetting them slowly and deliberately with the tip of her tongue.

 

“Make love to me Gene,” she murmured, her words heavy and sexual in the air between them.

 

He couldn’t even help himself as he took her lips with his own, demanding, plundering her.  She moaned as his tongue tangled roughly with hers, his hands tugging at her hair.  He could feel her leg slip between his thighs, and she began to move against him with sensual little sighs.

 

He responded with a groan, and she took advantage of his distraction to loosen her hand from his grip.  With a swift movement, she was tugging at the waistband of his boxers and without argument, he helped her remove them.  It was then, for the first time that he realized she had a lavender silk nightgown on and nothing else.

 

With frantic hands, he found the hem of the slight garment.

 

“Oh Q,” she breathed heavily as he pulled the fabric up, revealing her beautiful figure to him.  “I want you.  I need to feel you.”  Her legs fell open at his touch and she shivered as he slid his fingers over the creamy skin of her inner thighs.  “Take me Gene,” she demanded huskily, “I want to feel you hard inside me.  I want to feel you as you come with me.”

 

She didn’t even wait for him to respond as she took him in her hands and guided him between her warm thighs.  He could feel her, she was hot and wet and oh so inviting.  How could he refuse?

 

Watching her face intently, he entered her slowly, concentrating on the way she felt as she took him in.  Her eyes were closed, and her face flushed as she moaned quietly, her hips rising to meet his.  As she moved, her head tilted back, and Q took the opportunity to tease her lightly with his tongue and lips. 

 

“Mmmm, Gene,” she sounded almost desperate as she moved beneath him.  “Please.  I want to feel you.  I want to…. oh” she gasped as he began to thrust inside of her.  “Oh yeah,  mmmmm.”  She gathered him into her arms and held him against her as he moved in and out of her.  “Oh Gene,” she moved her hips against him, hearing the moist buffet of their skins as their bodies moved together. 

 

The noises that she was making served only to intensify his lust for her and he moved within her, searching, harder and deeper.  Each pounding movement extracted a tiny, breathless sigh from her, encouraging his relentless search to bring her the climax she so wanted and deserved.

 

She could feel him, pounding into her, his hardness penetrating her, demanding her abandon.  It felt unexpectedly divine as she moved with him all the time faster and more intense.  It was only moments before she felt the orgasm explode inside her, crashing through every sense and utterly consuming her.  She was barely aware of Q’s visceral cry as he drove himself into her one last time before his own climax shattered all thought, crashing through him like the roar of hurricane driven surf.

 

 

Q opened his eyes reflexively, his heart racing.  He tossed the covers from the bed and sat up, trying to will himself to calm down.  It was just a dream.

 

He ran his fingers over his forehead and shivered.  He was absolutely wringing with sweat.

 

Get a grip Q, it was just a dream!

 

Then why the hell was he so unnerved?

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena frantically twisted the doorknob with the hand that was not hooked around John’s neck, willing the impediment to open.  Grinning, John removed her hand and replaced it with his own.  Giving it a yank, he kicked the door, sending it flying open.

 

“Shh..shh..shh. shh…” Marlena giggled spontaneously, “you’ll wake the whole house.”

 

“I’ll remind you that you said that in twenty minutes time,” John threatened with a happy grin as he swung the door closed behind them.

 

“Oooh that sounds remarkably close to a promise” she teased as her eyes swept his beloved face.

 

“You’d better believe it baby!” he released her legs, setting her gently to the ground.

 

With her arm still around her neck, she pressed herself up against him, and he could feel the hard swell of her beautiful belly against him.

 

“I love you,” she whispered, her face outlined in the shaft of gossamer moonlight that spilt through the open curtains.

 

“Oh Doc,” John sighed as his fingers lightly combed her silky hair back off her face.  “I can’t tell you how many times I dreamed you said that to me.  How many times I longed to hear it.”  With his fingers, he followed the plane of her cheek to where it dipped into shadow.  “You …. ” He shook his head, his face falling slightly, “you’re so beautiful….  Everything about you is beautiful Doc.  Your face, your heart and mostly your soul.”  A look of anguish and self-doubt skipped fleetingly across his face.  “I just can’t help but wonder if I really deserve you.”

 

“Honey,” Marlena slid her free hand around his neck, “it’s not a question of deserving.  We’re meant to be together.  That’s all there is to it.”  When he looked unsure, she smiled softly and left a kiss on his lips.  “For what it’s worth, I think you’re just wonderful and I can’t think of anybody more deserving than you.”

 

A bashful smile slid onto John’s lips.

 

“How did I get so lucky?” his hands settled on the curves of her waist as his clear gentian eyes scoured her face, looking for some answer to why he was so blessed.  That answer was written in the love he found reflected in her own glittering eyes.  She loved him, simply because he was.  They were two halves of the same.  The love that bound them made them both complete and locked them together perfectly, their union forming a perfect circle of happiness that seemed unfettered by petty things such as time or mortality.

 

“I love you,” she whispered, her voice honeyed and persuasive.  “I want you to make love to me.”  Slowly, she leaned forward, and John felt her lips, wet and warm against his neck.  The moan died in his throat as he felt her hands in his hair and her tongue teasing his earlobe.  His own fingers slipped stealthily over the silken cascade of her dress as it flowed over her curves, and he squeezed her backside, almost lifting her off her tiptoes.

 

Bringing her mouth hungrily to his, she delved her tongue between his lips, inviting him, asking him for more.  In one swift movement, John swept her off her feet again, one arm hooked under trembling thighs. 

 

Knowing instinctively where he was going, he concentrated on the way she tasted under his lips as he carried her to the bed.  Only when he laid her down on the soft floral comforter, did he break the kiss. 

 

 

 

******

 

 

“Roman?” Trudie whispered softly as he ran his fingers tenderly over her bare thigh.

 

“Mmmmm,” Roman was quite caught up in his exploration of her as his beautiful artistic fingers followed the flow of her curves.

 

“Kiss me?” she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

 

“How can I resist an invitation like that?” Roman murmured with a grin.  Shimmying up the bed, he brushed his fingers across her cheek and into the glossy curls of her hair.  Sliding his lips across hers, he lowered her head to the pillow gently.  Trudie parted her lips as she felt his tongue probing and her hands automatically found his chest.  She loved his chest.  Her insatiate fingers curled over the hard muscles, researching the smooth expanse of olive skin, playing with the flickering sinew that lay below it. 

 

Roman’s mouth moved restlessly over hers, his lips crushing hers in a bruising, demanding exhibition of his hunger for her.  His tongue collided wetly with hers in a tango of passionate proportions as his body moved lithely against hers.  

 

She thought of him as a dancer in the way he moved in bed.  He swore that he hated tuxedos and had two left feet on the dance floor.  But when he was making love, it was like an exquisitely choreographed ballet that made her feel almost as if she was flying.

 

With a gentle exhalation, she broke off the kiss and brought her hands up to Roman’s face.  With infinite tenderness, she traced the creases in his skin, drinking in the warm chocolate of his eyes. Then, with the barest of caresses, she brushed the chestnut-coloured curls from his forehead.

 

Leaving a tiny kiss against his lips, she slid down the bed slightly and pushed him so that he rolled onto his side.  Her eyes burning, she murmured her lips over the slightly damp skin of his chest, tasting the slightly salty tang of him.  She felt him stiffen against her as she ran her tongue over one small brown nipple and she smiled sensuously.  Taking the tiny sweet nub between her teeth, she bit on him gently and she was rewarded by an almost tortured groan.  Whipping her tongue around it again, she fastened her lips over him and began to suck, steadily and insistently.

 

Roman closed his eyes and rolled his head back, feeling her ministrations arousing him even more.  He barely noticed as she unbuttoned his jeans but then she was stripping them off his legs and he was naked and lying on his back.

 

He watched her as she straddled his waist, her nude body tanned and supple.  The mahogany hair swung around her shoulders, glints of red firing in the golden candlelight.  Her breasts were full and tantalizing as they bobbed above him, and he lifted his hands almost venerably to cup them.

 

She was damp against his belly as she leaned forward to kiss him, the dark brown curls surrounding his face in a fragrant fall of tumbling locks.  With sanguine lips, she hovered above him for a moment, tempting and teasing.

 

Roman’s fingers moved stealthily across her breasts, the hardened pads sweeping across taut nipples, raising small bumps from the rosy flesh.  Pulling slightly on her, he caught her lips with his, the kiss full and sensual.  Planting a hand on the pillows either side of his head, Trudie sank into the kiss, surprising herself with the passion that she felt for this most unusual man.  Roman’s hands covered her skin, feeling her as he slipped down over her curves to her hips.

 

When she felt the pressure of his fingers against the flesh of her hips, Trudie pulled back from the kiss and looked at Roman.  His eyes were like molten chocolate, she could see the heat and depth of them, and it made her shiver.  Almost effortlessly, he lifted her off him and she could see the muscles of his biceps sinuous under the smooth tawny skin of his arms.  The muscles in his chest were also tense and knotted as Trudie lay her hands on them to steady herself. 

 

Settling herself on her knees over Roman’s hips, she looked at him, almost shyly, in the candlelight.

 

“Hey beautiful,” he breathed gently as he guided her hips back down.

 

“Hey there yourself,” she murmured with a slight smile as she felt skin slide across skin.

 

And then he was inside her, hard and insistent; warm, tight skin gliding against her wet, dark warmth.  Trudie moaned as he lowered her to meet his hips, thrusting deep inside her.   She remained still as Roman’s hands slipped down from her hips over the smooth skin of her thighs.  Then he lifted his hands to hers and joined them, marrying their fingers.  Holding his hands up, palm outwards to give her some resistance, he pushed on her hands gently and then pulled as he rolled his hips.  Trudie sighed happily and moved with him, guided by the rhythm that he set.

 

Roman watched her as she moved, closing her eyes and rolling her head backwards slightly.  She was so different to what he was used to, with her dark hair and fiery blue eyes.  But he liked the difference and he liked her.  More than he had thought he could like anyone again.

 

She was moving her hips back and forth in an undulating movement, pushing herself against his hands as she did.  And she made little whimpering noises in the back of her throat that just about drove Roman crazy.

“Oh….. Mmmmm.”  She cried out as Roman increased the pressure of his own hips, driving himself deeper inside her.  In response, she opened her eyes and looked down at him as she increased the pace of her movements.  Biting on her lower lip, she squeezed her thighs against Roman’s hips and tightened her muscles around him, making him moan with the unexpected stimulation.  He almost couldn’t control himself as he thrust into her, their tempo expanding to almost a frenzy.

 

“Come on baby,” she encouraged him in a throaty voice.  “I want to feel you come with me.”  She was still contracting around him rhythmically, driving Roman to the point of distraction.  All he could feel was the way she was pushing him towards orgasm as she moved ceaselessly against him, around him, with him. 

 

His thrusts became harder and shorter as he heard her whimpers return and build toward a peak.  He tightened his fingers, pulling her palms fast against his as they moved hotly and swiftly together.  The moisture from their bodies mingled, as did the moans that came from their throats.

 

It was the sound of her voice as she cried his name in between harsh pants that finally broke Roman.  Bucking his hips, he came inside her, driving himself deeply into her as he erupted, hot and sticky.  Trudie watched his face tense as the orgasm swept over him and she again tightened around him, milking him as he came until she could no longer help herself.  Crying out his name, her own climax consumed her, shuddering through her as she ground herself relentlessly against Roman.  She came hard and it seemed to last forever, her muscles contracting spasmodically until she was exhausted and lying on Roman’s chest.

 

Kissing her damp curls, he pulled the sheet over the two of them and then wrapped his arms around her, his chest rising and falling with each satisfied breath.

 

 

******

 

 

John gazed at Marlena for a moment, his eyes following the contours and shadows that played on her face in the half-light.  However, Marlena had a more physical exploration in mind, and she clutched a handful of his upper shirt, pulling him down to the bed with her.  Then, without warning, she pushed him onto his back and bent her head, pressing hot, hungry lips to his.

 

John could feel the hot throb swell in his groin as she kissed him ravenously and his own hands threaded almost desperately through her hair.  Marlena felt lightheaded as she pulled her head up, panting for air to fill her bursting lungs.  Taking advantage of her distraction, John turned his attention to her neck, dipping his tongue into the sweetly fragrant hollow at the base of her throat before he sucked lightly at her warm, golden skin.  She shivered as his tongue glided along the fine line of her collarbone and then down over the dulcet skin above the neckline of her dress.

 

Marlena loved the way he knew instinctively just what turned her on and the feeling of his tongue, moist and searching, sent threads of fire shooting through her, fusing into liquid heat between her legs.  She wanted him so badly she almost couldn’t stand it and she pushed back from him and quickly undid the top two buttons of his shirt with shaking fingers.

 

John wasted no time in helping her and he pulled the shirt open, slipping it off broad shoulders as he lifted his torso slightly off the bed.  Marlena freed the shirt from under him and dropped it on the floor as she touched her fingers to his chest.

 

Marveling at the way his muscles twitched under her caress, she stroked her fingers lightly over the coarse soft hair that covered him.  With a little smile, she traced one finger down the centre of his chest, between the beautifully defined pectoral muscles and over his upper abdomen.  He said nothing but his eyes were closed and she could feel the muscles of his belly harden at her touch. 

 

Meeting the waistband of his jeans, she paused for a moment and then lifted her hand.  John sighed almost imperceptibly and then sucked in a breath as she flickered her fingers lightly over a small brown nipple.  He hardened under her touch and she smiled again as she bent her head to him and grazed his other nipple lightly with her tongue.  John moaned as she sucked on him lightly and used her thumb to massage his other nipple.

 

After a few moments, she tired of that and she made a path through the dark hair  with her tongue, trailing it down over his abdomen.  She could feel his breaths quicken as she delineated the contours of his abdominal muscles with her lips and tongue.

 

At the same time, she shimmied her hand over the stiff denim of his jeans and guided practiced fingers up the inside of his thigh.  He groaned and tensed as she brushed the hardness immured by the taut fabric and then he bit his lip as she stroked her fingers over him.

 

“Do you like that baby?” she whispered softly, teasing him.

 

“Doc!” he managed to blurt out from between clenched teeth, “you’re killing me.”

 

“Oh,” she raised her eyebrows innocently.

 

“You’re asking for trouble,” he couldn’t help grinning as he wrenched her wrist away and in one movement, had her on her back, her arm above her head.

 

Dipping his mouth to hers, he took her, ravishing her with greedy, passion-filled kisses.  Moving so that he was partially pinning her right side with his body, and her left hand above her head with his left hand, he edged her skirt up her thigh with his fingers.  Pausing when he encountered first lace and then soft, pliant flesh, he gazed down at her. 

 

Her face was flushed, her cheeks a silken pink and her lips painted scarlet with kisses.  She stared back up at him, her eyes darkening to a dusky gold as her chest rose and fell with shallow breaths.  John swallowed and let her skirt fall back down as he followed the curve of her hip as it swept down to her waist.  Watching his fingers as they moved, he slid them up and over the beautiful swell of her belly.  It didn’t bother him in the slightest that she was pregnant, in fact, he found it incredibly sexy as he explored her new curves.  To him, there was nothing more natural and more beautiful than bringing a new life into the world.  He had been deprived of the chance to share her pregnancy with Belle, so this was the first time he had been able to touch her like this while she carried his child.  And if it was possible, it made him love her even more.

 

Continuing on his expedition, his hand cupped her heavy breasts, his fingers brushing the bare skin above her neckline so that she squirmed under him.  His touch was maddeningly arousing, and Marlena just wished he would hurry up.

 

“Jo-“

 

“Shhhh,” he touched his index finger to her lips, quieting her.  She stared at him frustratedly and with a grin, he brushed his lips over hers, his touch barely enough to produce a tingle.  Marlena tried to lift her head to catch him, but he had her almost immobile and he could tease her as he liked.  Lowering his head again, he ran the tip of his tongue along her lower lip and then again grazed her lips lightly with his own.  A whimper escaped Marlena as his hand began to massage her breast through the fabric, and she was rewarded as John’s kiss suddenly exploded with lust and need.  Through the fog in her mind, she could feel him moving against her, the hardness in his jeans pressing into her thigh.  And then he pulled on her wrist so that she rolled onto her side. 

 

With a practiced hand, he found the zipper of her dress and swiftly lowered it, releasing her arm momentarily so that he could slip her arm out of the confines of creamy fabric.  Then, taking hold of her wrist again, he lowered her once more onto her back and swept his fingers across her bare skin over to where her right shoulder was still dressed.  Moving slightly, he slipped the strap from her shoulder, his fingers sketching the dusky freckles that were scattered over her skin.  With a hint of a smile, he bent his head and placed a sweet kiss where her shoulder rounded to her upper arm.  Marlena watched him, her eyes drowsy with longing as he continued to slide his fingers down her arm, drawing the silk before him. 

 

When he finally reached her hand, he slithered the fabric over her fingers and then lifted her hand.  Meeting her demanding gaze with his own, he lifted her palm to him and pressed his lips to it.  Then, deliberately, he began to slowly kiss the tips of her fingers.  However, he had only made it to the middle before he opened his lips and swirled his tongue around the tip.  Marlena barely repressed her shudder as he sucked gently on her finger before kissing the remaining two.

 

“You’re amazing,” he whispered tenderly as he slid the dress down to her waist, exposing the taut expanse of her pregnant stomach.  Releasing her wrist, he slipped down the bed, his fingers molding around the smooth curves as he explored her new form.  With a profound smile, he looked up at her.  Her arm was still arced above her head, and she was watching him, her eyes glittering with happiness.

 

“I love you,” she whispered in a broken voice.  She couldn’t believe *how* much she loved him.  She’d almost forgotten how he made her feel.  It throbbed through her with every surge of blood that her pounding heart pushed forth.  It burned within her and sometimes she felt as though it might consume her.  She wanted him.  She *needed* him.  She would never stop needing him because he made her life *right* and full.  He brought out the sun and the moon for her and he made her heart sing.  And she knew that she would never ever again let him go.

 

She felt his lips against the smooth skin of her belly and a small tear slipped from below the thick lashes.  She had come *so* close to losing him forever.  She had almost let him walk away and she couldn’t risk that ever happening again.

 

“Please,” she whispered in a thready voice.  “Make love to me John.”

 

“Soon baby,” he murmured gently.  “Soon.”

 

With the tenderest of touches, he moved the dress down over her hips and with her help, he slipped it off her and discarded it on the floor alongside his shirt.  Slowly, and almost reverently, he tucked his fingers inside the lacy top of one stocking and slid it downwards.  Letting it tumble off the side of the bed, he repeated the process with the other stocking.  Then, kneeling between her legs, he lifted one slender leg and kissed the inside of her knee.

 

He felt a tremble resonate through Marlena and it seemed to echo in his own groin.  If it was all possible, his desire for her increased and it was all he could do not to ravish the sweet flesh that was under his lips.  Marlena whimpered headily as she felt him suck lightly at the skin of her inner thigh.  He teased her with his lips and tongue as he moved upwards.

 

Leaving a moist trail, he kissed his way inexorably up her body, stopping at her navel to flick his tongue around it before he continued upwards.  When he met the lacy resistance of her bra, he dipped his tongue into her cleavage and then outlined each pliant mound with his tongue.

 

Marlena’s hands were twisting the floral-print polycotton of the pillow slip as he slipped his hand beneath her to unhook the clasp of her bra.  With practiced hand, he removed the lacy garment and threw it cavalierly over his shoulder.   She gasped as she felt his teeth graze her nipple, the strengthening yearning for him sounding in the moist warmth between her legs.  Fingers infiltrated John’s thick hair as he began to suck at her, first gentle and then increasingly insistent.  Unconsciously, she arched her back pressing herself against him, begging him for more.  With a smooth movement, John daubed wet kisses across to her other breast and began to tease her again, sucking and biting, before drawing back to blow cool air across her wet nipple.  At the same time, his fingers continued to tease the hard nub that his mouth had just departed.

 

She moaned and he felt her wriggle beneath him, her fingers tugging on his hair.  Giving into her, he kissed his way back up, over her throat until he found the lips he loved so much.  With no resistance, Marlena parted them and he slipped his tongue inside her mouth as his hand slid the length of her body, lifting her thigh as she wrapped her leg around him.

 

There was no sound in the room but laboured breathing and gentle moans as John let his hand follow the contour of her leg as it curved into her buttock.  But the near silence was interrupted by a sharp gasp as Marlena felt John’s fingers move between her legs, gently massaging her as his lips again attempted to taste every inch of her throat.

 

His touch seemed to inflame every nerve that formed her entire being, burning her skin, overwhelming her sentience.  Her mind could only grasp fleeting thoughts and those fragments only seemed to comprise of how it might feel to have him inside her again, moving with her… thrusting…. warm…. hard…. wet….. explosive.

 

With a strangled cry, she came against his hand, her hips straining against him as her muscles tightened in sublime climax.  The feeling of her dampness through her panties as he stroked her was almost more than John could stand and when she came, almost unexpectedly, he had to bite his lip to try to maintain some semblance of control.

 

With a grunt, he bent his head to take her mouth again, roughly hungrily.  His tongue tangled with hers, probing and searching as his hand continued to move rhythmically between her legs, relentlessly ensuring that her arousal continued to increase.

 

Marlena, meanwhile, had managed to slip her hands between them and she was slowly making her way down to the top of his jeans.  His stomach muscles were hard, but he trembled at her light touch, making her want him even more.  He didn’t resist as she unbuttoned his jeans and slipped her hand inside them, brushing against the hardness inside his boxers.

 

John growled almost gutturally and sank his teeth into the soft flesh that curved between her neck and shoulder.

“Oh,” Marlena’s hips pressed upwards against John’s fingers as the exquisite agony from his nip ignited all her nerves and exploded deep in her abdomen.  “Oh g*d John.  Please.  I need you….”

 

John’s response was to wriggle out of the stiff denim and kick it to the floor.  But before he could react, Marlena had his boxers down around his hips, releasing him from the silky confines that had been restricting him.  Closing her fingers around him, she drew them up his length, feeling the way the blood pulsed with his desire for her.  He was hot and sticky and he felt wonderful.  Lifting her smoky eyes to his heavily lidded ones, she began to stroke him lightly.

 

“Marlena,” John pulled her hand away with a glottal growl.  He could barely contain himself as it was.  And when he came, he wanted to feel her coming with him.  He wanted to be inside her, to become part of her, body and soul.  Only then would he know he was truly hers again and she, his.

 

“Honey,” she panted between quick, shallow breaths. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

“Yeah,” he grinned as he trailed a damp finger across her cheek, “but tell me again in case I forget.”

 

“I love you,” she whispered throatily as he discarded the boxer shorts.

 

“I love you,” he replied, his voice choked with emotion as he gently tugged her lacy panties over her hips and then pulled the damp wisp of fabric down her slender legs.

 

“I love you,” she repeated, her eyes glistening as he gently spread her thighs and then moved between them.

 

“I love you,” he murmured as he lowered his body on top of hers, supporting his weight on his elbows so as not to crush her.  Gazing at her, his eyes swept her face, drinking in the luscious rosy cheeks and amber-flecked eyes.  Tendrils of darkly golden hair curled damp at her temples and her face shone with love and desire.

 

“I love you,” she lifted a hand to his face and smoothed the tips of his fingers across his cheek, as if her touch could suffuse him with the meaning of her words.  She didn’t want him to ever doubt again how she felt.

 

“I love you,” he mouthed as he sank down to claim her lips.  As they kissed, Marlena’s hands slid easily down his side, the muscles jumping and twitching at her touch.  John moaned against her mouth as her hands came together to squeeze his firm butt.  At the same time as she lifted her knees to either side of his well-muscled thighs.  He could smell her honeyed scent and he could feel her against him, hot and wet.  Begging him to take her, to possess her.  Blood pounded through him as he tried to gain some kind of poise.

 

“I love you,” her velvet whisper enveloped him, breaking the little reserve he had left. 

 

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he echoed like a litany as he moved his hips between her legs, sliding into her, his almost painful hardness welcomed by the moist, pliant flesh.

 

She was sweet and hot and wet as he drove into her, her muscles drawing him upward, intensifying the throbbing of blood all through his groin.

 

“Oh G*d,” she cried with an almost broken sob as she felt him move inside of her.  It was ecstasy, the hard, demanding throb of him as he impaled her. He was solid, sinew, muscle and heat as he moved within her, with her, against her.

 

“Marlena,” he mumbled through lips that were no longer controlled by any conscious thought.  Her knees lifted and gripped his hips as he moved deeper into her, sliding in and out in an easy rhythm.  She sighed fiercely as her own hips matched his, her fingers raking over the fluid muscles that tensed and relaxed in his back with each movement.

 

“John,” she whimpered as he began to thrust into her harder and faster, “oh G*d, I love you.  I love you so much.”  Her words, and their import flooded through John, driving his passion for her to even newer heights.  This wasn’t just sex; it wasn’t even making love.  This was something rare and infinitely precious, like somehow, he was inside her soul and he knew he never wanted to leave.  If he could, he would stay cocooned here forever, but the physical reality of their lovemaking was certainly going to preclude that. 

 

Gathering her in his arms so that her shoulders rested on his forearms and her head in the hollow of his large hands, he gazed at her as he continued to move in and out of her, his pace fast and hard.  Her face was that of a thousand beauties, like vast starry heavens, the eternity in a shining dewdrop.  She was his.  Forever.

 

Lifting her hands, Marlena framed John’s face with them, staring into his eyes.  The deep, vast ocean of blue sparkled with each movement, loving her, knowing her.  Those eyes told her all she needed to know.  He was hers.  Forever.

 

“I love you Marlena,” he whispered against the damp curls that framed her face as he began to thrust into her more rapidly.  The hard rod inside her cleaved her, drove her into that place beyond consciousness where reality fractures and desire becomes white-hot.  “Let me hear you.  I want to hear you when you come.”

 

That was all it took, and she cried out, sobbing the first moments of her orgasm into his ear.  Then it built and flooded her with a pure white incandescence and her whimpers turned into heady cries of release.

 

John felt her come as her muscles contracted heavily around him, urging him towards climax.

“John,” she called his name with complete abandon and John felt himself shudder.  He rammed himself into her hard and fast, the hot moistness tensing around him, the friction almost unbearable. 

 

With an almost primal cry, he came deep inside of her, his love and need for her pouring out of him with his orgasm.  He filled her as her climax peaked for a second time, her hips driving upwards to meet his in an intensely sensual dance. 

 

And then, finally, it was over.

 

Sliding partly off of her, John rolled partly onto his side, bringing her with him.  One arm remained under her, his fingers splayed against the small of her back, holding her against him.  Her leg was still draped over his hip as he pulled the comforter over them.  Drawing in deep, ragged breaths, he gently pushed the long damp curls from her face and kissed her forehead.

 

With a cat-like smile, she opened her hazel eyes and looked at him an expression of adoration and utter satisfaction on her face.

 

“Guess what?” she whispered.

 

“What?”  John knew the adoration was reflected in his own eyes.  He would never be able to get enough of this woman as long as he lived.

 

“I love you,” she told him with a flirtatious giggle.

 

“I love you too babe,” he smiled exhaustedly as she snuggled against him.

 

Tugging the comforter further over them, John wrapped his arms around Marlena and let out a silent sigh as he felt her slow, warm breaths against his neck.

 

It was only moments later that sleep slipped in to embrace them both.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 103 – Insecurities

 

 

The room was warm, the morning sun splashing across their bodies as John’s eyes flickered open.  It took him a moment to orient himself, to remember where he was and that the woman lying next to him in the bed was the woman that he loved.  A smile curled his lips lazily as he focused on her, blonde hair in tousled curls around an angelic face.

 

Propping himself up on one elbow, his eyes swept her face.  It was so long since he had woken up with her.  And last time she had woken first.  He hadn’t had the chance to just watch her sleep since… well, really since they had been married all those years ago.

 

Dark lashes curled over rose-tinted cheeks that were dusted with the most adorable freckles.  Her lips, still reddened from the previous evening’s assault, were curved with a dreamily peaceful smile.  John reached out and with one finger followed the graceful sweep of her cheek down to the soft angle of her jaw.  She was so beautiful he could hardly believe it.  Could hardly believe that he was here, with her, that she wanted him in her life once again.

 

In some ways, it almost hadn’t been real until he had made love to her.  In the back of his mind, he had halfway expected her to realize that she had made a mistake, that he would never give her anything but pain and that she was better off without him.  Part of him wondered if she would be right if she did.  But without her, his life was filled with darkness.  He was unfettered, drifting with the currents that had shaped him into who he was, slammed back and forth between the specter of Stefano DiMera and the fragments of gruesome memories that came, unbidden and terrifying.

 

But when he was with her, it was so different.  She lit up the darkness, her sweet goodness spilt into his soul like the golden light that fell across the bed as he watched her.  She was the calm at the center of the maelstrom that at times threatened to engulf him, the anchor that kept him safe and sane.  And it was only now that he realized how much he needed her in his life and how close he had been to losing himself when he had almost lost her.

 

He loved her so much it almost hurt.  It was indescribable, a sweet agony that filled him so that he wanted to weep and to laugh with the joy and the pain.  He could spend his life searching and never feel a glimmer of what he felt for her for anyone else.

 

Isabella, I can’t go with you now.  You always knew that part of my heart still belonged to Marlena.  It still does.  Honey I can’t lie to you.  She means everything to me.  She’s my soulmate, you must know that…

 

John shook his head at the odd. …what was it, a thought?  A memory?  He couldn’t remember ever saying anything like that to Isabella…  But it felt…. it was so vivid and yet so vague.

 

Marlena stirred next to him, a gentle sigh slipping out with easy breaths.  He relaxed as he watched her, the tension that had suddenly filled him flowing out of his muscles with each peaceful, smooth breath that she took.  Leaning his head down, he kissed the sweet curve of her shoulder and then followed it with his fingers, tracing the silky skin of her upper arm in a smooth line. 

 

She stirred again as he reached the sensitive skin of her inner elbow, following the blurred blue lines of delicate veins.  John lifted his fingers swiftly.  He didn’t want to wake her yet.  He just wanted to enjoy this for as long as he could, just to be with her, to be able to watch her, drink her in without any other distractions.

 

She settled again and after a moment, he tentatively fingered the pale lemon sheet that covered her, outlining the exquisite rise of her pregnancy.  With a tender hand, he laid his palm against the stomach where his child nestled.  Our child.  An amazed smile graced his lips and John felt tears sting his eyes. 

 

Life was filled with few utterly perfect moments, but this was one of them.  He couldn’t be any more at peace, any happier than he was right now.

 

Being careful not to disturb Marlena, he slid down the bed so that his face was level with his hand.  Lovingly, he pressed a soft kiss against the crumpled fabric that covered Marlena’s stomach.   He still couldn’t really believe it.  They were going to be holding two beautiful babies in their arms soon.  The family that he had dreamed of for so many years was finally going to become a reality.  And having lost it once made it all that more precious to him.  He was determined that *nothing* would separate them all now.

 

He smoothed his hand across the firmly rounded belly as the thoughts flew, scattered through his consciousness.  And then he felt the slightest of movements, the tiny prod of a foot or an elbow against his hand and he grinned. 

 

“Hey there baby,” he whispered, “it’s your daddy.  Morning sweet baby.” He laughed lightly at the answering kick.

 

“I think he’s saying hello back,” Marlena’s honeyed voice floated down, settling over him as he looked up to find her smiling at him.  “Morning,” she added, her hazel eyes twinkling merrily.

 

“Hi there, beautiful lady,” John moved smoothly back up the bed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

 

“That’s okay,” she smiled contentedly, stretching a slender arm up behind her head.  “I can’t think of a sweeter way to be woken, so you’re forgiven.”

 

“How did you sleep?” John reached out a finger and stroked her cheek tenderly. 

 

“Better than I have for months,” she told him honestly.  “Last night was….” she smiled dreamily, “just wonderful.”

 

“For me too,” John nodded with a promise filled smile as he drew closer to her.

 

Marlena brought her hand back down in front of her and rolled onto her side so that she was facing John.  With sensitive fingers, she etched a path across his shoulder and down over a superbly sculpted bicep.

 

“I really do love you,” she said softly.

 

“Mmmm, well I love you too,” John murmured as he whispered his lips across hers.

 

Marlena’s heart pounded as he kissed her gently, his hand delicately pushing the rumpled hair from her face.  Her own hand curled over his arm to his back.

 

“You’re just the most amazing man, John Black,” she told him with a satisfied smile when he pulled back. 

 

The smile was replaced by a fleeting look of confusion as he tensed against her. 

 

“John?” her stomach churned inexplicably as she watched what looked like pain wash across his face.  “John, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

 

You’re just amazing and I feel so lucky to be here with you.  Yes, it was wonderful before, but now it’s even better.  Now it’s honest, it’s just you and I and how we feel about each other.  And that’s very special.  And *very* sexy.

 

John knew the words.  They had echoed in his head, reverberated maddeningly through his mind and soul during long, sleepless nights.  He knew them only too well.  They were burned in his mind as her betrayal was burned on his heart.

 

He felt the bile singe his throat as he turned from her trying desperately to rid himself of the images he thought he had banished.

“John?” a tinge of panic crept into her voice as she caught his muscled arm with anxious fingers.  His sudden coldness was inexplicable, and it frightened her.  As much as she loved him and as much as she was so incredibly happy to be in his arms again, they still had so far to go, so much to overcome.  And she also knew they had to do it together if they were going to survive this.  “John, please talk to me.  What is it?”

 

John could hear the fright in her voice, and he mentally cursed himself.    He thought he’d dealt with this, accepted it as fact and moved on.  So why the hell was he letting it haunt him again, letting it come between them?  He had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t hurt her again and here he was, after the first night, turning away from her.

 

Damn it John, stop being so selfish.  She needs* you*, not your insecurities.

 

“Nothing Doc,” he turned back to her with a relaxed smile.  “It was nothing.”

 

“That was *not* nothing John,” Marlena demurred, dropping her hand in front of her.  “Please don’t patronize me.  I know you well enough to know when something is wrong.”  John said nothing in reply, and she sighed.  “I thought we agreed that we had to *talk* about our problems.  That silence was only adding to them.”

 

John felt the power of the hazel eyes fixed on him and his cheeks began to burn.  He knew she was right, but he didn’t want to do this now.  He didn’t want to end their perfect night this way.  And besides, this was something he really felt that he could work through himself given a little more time.

 

Time.

 

“It was the clock,” he covered smoothly.  “I saw the time and I hadn’t realized we’d slept so late.  It just gave me a bit of a turn, that’s all,” his voice softened.  “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

“Oh,” she blinked as she looked at him and then lifted her wrist to look at the elegant watch she wore.  “Oh, my goodness, you’re right!”

 

She hadn’t even given Kristen the briefest thought as she had drifted to sleep in John’s arms.  But now she realized that if John didn’t get home soon, Kristen would have some serious suspicions as to where he had been.

 

“It’s okay,” John grinned as he wrapped his arms around Marlena and murmured against her ear, “I’ll just tell her it was an all-night meeting.”

 

“Don’t you think she’s *already* suspicious enough without knowing that you’ve been out all night?”  Part of Marlena just wanted to just relax in his arms and let him make love to her again.  Actually, most of her wanted him to do that, but the little voice in the back of her head wouldn’t quiet long enough to let her give in to the hands that were already starting to roam her body.  “John,” she pushed him away, her voice heavy with regret, “you’d better go back to her.  Before she comes looking for you.”

 

Marlena’s words served to remind John of the danger that Kristen’s suspicions could pose, and he groaned, rolling onto his back and flopping his head back on the pillow with a dramatic flourish.

 

“Remind me again why I’m doing this?”

 

“For our children,” she was gentle, knowing that he hated going back to Kristen just as much, if not more than she hated sending him back.  John rolled his head to the side to look at her, his china blue eyes full of unspoken emotion.

 

“I’d do anything for them Doc.  I’d do anything for our babies and our kids.  And I’d do anything for you.  You just have to say the word.”

 

“I know you would,” she moved under the sheets so that her body was against his, her skin warm and smooth, her belly tight and rounded, pressing against his side.  Her fingers navigated the rough stubble in his cheeks as she watched him with a sweet smile.  “That’s one of the reasons I love you so.”

 

John’s earnest expression melted into a smile that made her heart leap.

 

“I love you so much Doc,” he whispered as he nuzzled her face lightly his fingers raking through her hair.

 

“I know,” she answered gently pulling away from him, her lashes moist with tears, “and that’s why you have to go.  Now.”

 

He watched her silently as her eyes pleaded with him.  She was right, one of them had to be strong.  It would be so easy just to stay here, like this.  To feel her heart beating, taste the silky sweetness of her skin……

 

He sighed and nodded, rolling away from her and sitting up.

 

“You don’t know how hard this is….” he muttered as he cast his eyes around the floor for his clothes.

 

“Yes,” he felt her warm hand close over his and he turned back to her, “I do.”  She nodded, eyes darkly somber.

 

“Of course you do,” he smiled, because he knew if he didn’t he was just as likely to cry.  And so was she, and he couldn’t bear to see more tears coming from those beautiful eyes.

 

Marlena could hardly bear to see the shadow that passed over him as he contemplated leaving her to go back to Kristen.  Pressing her lips together to stave off emotions that wanted to subsume her, she threw her arms around him.  She felt John’s momentary surprise and then his arms wrapped tightly around her as he hugged her to him.

 

“Come back to me as soon as you can,” she whispered against his ear, not caring how desperate she sounded.  She felt him nod and then the warm trickle of moisture on her cheek.  Raising her hand, she cupped his cheek in her palm and their lips met, searching and frantic.  His hand clutched at her hair as he assailed her lips as though trying to cram the last moments with her into his memory.

 

And then he wiped her cheeks with gentle fingers and turned away from her again.  She watched him slide off the bed and collect his clothing, pulling it on silently and it took all her self-control just to stay silent.  As much as she tried to tell herself she was being irrational, deep down, she was terrified that if she let him out of her sight something might happen to split them apart again.  It *was* irrational, she knew.  Neither of them had any doubts about where they stood, about what was going on between them.  It was just….. it was almost *too* perfect and she was almost afraid to hope that it might stay that way.

 

“Sweetheart?” John’s voice gently brought her back to earth as he draped a robe around her shoulders, “What’s wrong?” 

 

She sighed but she couldn’t help the rueful grin that slipped onto her lips.  “You’re leaving, isn’t that bad enough?”

 

“Yeah,” he nodded as he sat next to her on the bed.  “It’s plenty bad enough.”

 

Marlena shrugged the robe on and knotted the sash to fasten it around her.

 

“Just promise me you’ll come back,” she whispered after a moment, wishing desperately that she didn’t feel so vulnerable but unable to help it where he was concerned.

“Oh baby,” John pulled her to him and held her close so that she could feel his words vibrate in his chest.  “I promise you that I will *always* come back to you.  Don’t you ever doubt that.  I won’t ever hurt you like that again.”

 

“Good,” she murmured against the crumpled cotton of his shirt, “I don’t think I could survive that another time.”

 

“You won’t have to,” he held her tightly as he whispered his assurance into her warm hair.  “I promise you with everything I am that you’ll never go through that again Doc.”

 

There was no thought of making promises he could not keep.  He meant this with his heart and soul.  As long as he was still alive, he would make it back to her, whatever fate threw in his way.  He not only wanted it to be true, but he also knew it to be a certainty.  There would be, could be no other way.

 

They sat that way for long minutes, eyes closed, breathing in tune.  And then Marlena unfolded herself from John’s embrace and threw back the sheet.  Without a word, she took his hand as she planted her feet on the soft carpet, and they walked to the door together.

 

 

“Belle!” Q’s tenor tone rang out from the kitchen, following the mischievous blonde sprite across the living room.  “If you don’t come back here…….mmmmmffff.”  Belle squealed with giggles as Brady’s raucous laughter swept out in gales across the penthouse.  It was joined by a feminine chuckle that spoke of high amusement.

 

“We got you!  We got you!!”  Brady bounced to the doorway hyperactively as Belle raced to join him.  At the sight in the kitchen, she peeled off into renewed hysterics, clutching Brady’s arm and jumping up and down.

 

“Got you!!” she repeated amid the gales of laughter.

 

“MMMphhhhff,” the muffled reply was short and indistinct.

 

John, who had backed up around the corner when he had seen his little daughter race across the living room turned to Marlena with a bemused expression on his face.

 

“What the-?”

 

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, trying to fight off the laughter that threatened to bubble out of her as she listened to the shrieks from down below.  She didn’t know but she was glad.  Hearing Belle and Brady’s laughter was very possibly the best medicine she could have right now.  “Sometimes they have play fights with Gene…. I guess this is one of those times.”  She shook her head with an amused grin.

 

“Well, I guess I’d better get out of here while they are occupied,” John sighed.  He couldn’t join in Marlena’s joy at the children’s amusement.  It only reminded him all too much of what he would be missing when he went back to the loft.  Back to Kristen…

 

“You don’t want to say hello to the children?”  Marlena looked a little perplexed.

 

“Don’t you think it would be a little confusing for them Doc?” John’s eyes were miserable.  “I’m here for two minutes and then I’m gone.  Won’t they wonder why?”  He couldn’t tell her that if he hugged them to him, he would never be able to leave.  It was hard enough having to say goodbye to her.

 

“Well…. if you think it’s best,” she sounded unsure but didn’t want to press him.  She knew how hard this was for him.

 

“Yeah, I do,” he nodded as he peered over the balustrade to make sure that Belle and Brady were back in the kitchen.  “For all of us for now.  I think it’s best.”

 

Marlena said nothing as she followed him down the staircase to the front door.

 

“I’ll call you,” he turned to her after he opened the door, “first chance I get.”

 

“I love you,” she replied as she caught his hand in hers and squeezed it as though to imprint her words on him.

 

“I love you too,” he cupped her cheek in his palm, losing himself in the amber of her eyes before he leaned to kiss her.

 

She felt his lips brush over hers and then he turned away from her and left the apartment, shutting the door behind him. 

 

Feeling suddenly bereft, she crossed her arms across her front and tipped her head backwards.  Sucking in a breath as she fought the tears, she wondered what to do next.  And then she wondered how long ‘next’ was going to last.

 

The baby moved inside her, turning restlessly in its fluid home and she laughed softly as her hands dropped to cover the small bulge.  Dropping her head to look at her stomach, she sighed with a contrite smile.

 

“Yes you’re right.  It’s not that dramatic.  It’s not that long.”  She shrugged and turned back to the living room.  “I just have to be strong.  For all of us.”

 

The laughter was muted in the kitchen as she made her way across the ground floor of the apartment, but she was stilled by a knock at the door she had just closed.  She waited for a moment and then it came again, the soft tap.

 

Hastening back to the door, she pulled it open without hesitation.

 

A smile blossomed as she was confronted with John leaning against the doorway.

 

“Don’t get too excited,” he grinned, his eyes twinkling at her reaction, “it’s just that it’s a little hard to go anywhere without my keys.”

 

“I don’t care why you came back,” she laughed as she threw her arms around his neck.  “I’m just glad you did.”

 

“Me too,” he mumbled before he kissed her passionately, his fingers gathering her hair as his tongue searched her mouth unrelentingly.

 

They were both gasping for breath when they parted and Marlena looked up at John, his crystalline eyes gleaming with promises yet to be explored.  Leaving him, she went to the sideboard and collected his keys, the lace of her robe brushing idly across the wooden bureau. 

 

She looked angelic as she came back to him and dropped the keys in his waiting hand, her cheeks flushed with emotion and desire.

 

“Hurry back to me,” she whispered, her lips against his.  “I’ll be waiting.”

 

“As soon as I can,” he swept the backs of his fingers over the curve of her cheek.  “I promise.”

 

“I’m going to hold you to that,” she told him lightheartedly as she ran her hand down over his backside.

 

“Have a good day Doc,” John removed her hand with an indulgent smile before kissing her briefly again.

 

“You too,” her voice followed him to the elevator.

 

“Ha,” he rolled his eyes as he pushed the call button for the elevator.  “Yeah, it’ll be just great.”

 

“I know,” she sighed as she leaned against the doorway.  “We just have to tell ourselves that it won’t be long.”

 

The conversation was cut short as the elevator announced its arrival with a metallic chime and John stepped inside.  He continued to watch Marlena as the doors slid smoothly closed and his heart pounded as his last sight of her was as she blew a kiss to him and then she slipped out of sight.

 

With a happy sigh, he leaned back against the wall of the booth and the smile remained with him as he rode down to the basement in quiet reverie.  She really was the most remarkable woman.  It was still hard for him to even believe that she wanted him back.  For what seemed like so many months now, he had resigned himself to watching her live out life with some other man.  If not Eugene, then someone else.  Someone that hadn’t and wouldn’t hurt her the way he had.  That was the best he had hoped for.  To see her hurt again by someone else would have been even more than he could bear.

 

But now life, the future was so different.  He couldn’t even begin to imagine what wonderful moments might be in store.  He wanted to experience everything by her side.  He wanted to watch the stars shine and then the sun rise with her.  He wanted to go walking among autumn leaves with her holding his hand.  Maybe they could visit Paris, go sailing, and build snowmen with the children.  Most of all, he wanted to go to sleep every night in her arms and wake up the same way.  He wanted to be with her when their children were brought into the world, and he wanted to change diapers with her and watch them take their first steps with his arms around her.

 

She wasn’t just the best thing in his life, she *was* his life.  And even though he had made mistakes, he knew that he wouldn’t fail her again.  This was it.  *Forever*.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 104 –  Scrapes and Tape

 

 

With a spring in his step, John exited into the basement and headed towards his jeep.  He could feel the warmth seeping in from outside, the late spring morning washing everything in a torrent of balmy sunshine.  It poured forth, echoing the happiness in John’s heart and he took a deep breath, feeling really alive for the first time in… he didn’t even know how long.

 

The healing wound in his shoulder twinged a little as he opened the door of the jeep and he grinned.  Mike would probably diagnose over-excitement.  In fact, Mike would probably have a cardiac arrest if he knew John had been carrying Marlena around last night.   John thought however, that the overexertion was most *definitely* worth it, and he couldn’t wait to do it again.  He didn’t care to be poked and prodded by doctors any longer as they tried to figure out how he healed so miraculously.  He could have told them.  Or rather showed them.  One look at the beautiful blonde psychiatrist at his bedside would explain more than a thousand words ever could.

 

Inserting his key into the ignition, he glanced over at the clock.  A double take told him he was not imagining it and it was enough to deflate his good humour in a matter of seconds.

 

9:23 AM

 

Kristen would surely be awake by now.  And with his arrival he would probably face an inquisition of proportions that would make even the Spanish sweat.

 

“Great,” he muttered as he twisted the key in the ignition.  His heart sank further as the engine sputtered briefly and then died.  Turning the key again, he encountered the same reaction.

 

“Sh*t!”  The expletive flew out of his mouth as he dropped his head in his hands and it was followed by a groan.  “This can’t be happening to me.”  It wasn’t even as if he could leave the car here and take a cab home.  Kristen would be sure to notice it was gone knowing his luck and would want to know where it was.  The woman was like a heat seeking missile when it came to tracking down things like that and if she found it in Marlena’s basement, how the hell was he going to explain that away?  Yeah, I had a business meeting all night…. in Marlena’s bedroom.

 

An almost hysterical laugh bubbled from his lips as he ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“Start damn you!” he wrenched the key around, and the engine turned over, choking for several moments before it died again.  “Okay,” he muttered, “no need to panic.”  He took a deep breath and sent up a not so silent supplication.  “*Please*, please let it start.”

 

He turned the key again and held his breath as the motor coughed and finally caught.  Depressing the gas, he waited for a moment, until he was sure that it wasn’t going to die on him and then he exhaled.

 

“Thank you,” he added gratefully as he slipped the jeep into drive.

 

 

******

 

 

“Mommy!”  Belle flew across the living room squealing as she looked over her shoulder, “don’t let him get me!”

 

“What have you done sweetie girl?” Marlena laughed as she swung her daughter up into her arms.

 

“We was naughty,” Belle bit her lip and looked guiltily at her mother from under her lashes.

 

“You *were* naughty,” Marlena corrected automatically as she looked curiously at the kitchen entranceway.  “Where’s Brady?”

 

“Here,” Lucie emerged from the kitchen holding Brady’s hand, her laughter only barely suppressed.

 

“Gee’s ‘rumpy,” Belle told Marlena solemnly as she lifted her finger to her mouth.  “I fink we made him ‘rumpy.”

 

“Oh,” Marlena laughed, “Oh dear, what did you do to poor Gene?”  She couldn’t keep the humour from her voice as she looked from the children to the doorway.  “Gene?”

 

She waited a moment and then she was rewarded as Gene shuffled out of the kitchen.

 

“Ohh-hoh-hoh,” her shoulders shook with giggles as she surveyed him.  “Oh no!”

 

He was covered from head to foot in scotch tape; his knees loosely taped together, his elbows fastened to his sides with long strands of tape that wrapped around his middle.  The children (with some help from the mischievous nanny Marlena suspected) had taped the fingers of each hand together and there was even scotch tape in his hair.

 

But what finally broke Marlena’s resolve and dissolved her into a hopeless fit of giggles was the fact that they had taped Eugene’s mouth shut with a large X.  And he looked less than thrilled about the situation.

 

“Mmmmmphhhh,” he gestured at her after a few moments before crossing his arms in front of him.

 

“Okay, okay,” she wiped her eyes and lowered Belle to the floor.  “You go upstairs with Lucie and get changed okay sweetie-girl?”  Belle nodded.  “And I think you should both say sorry to Gene,” she added looking across at Brady.

 

“Sorry Gene,” the pair intoned dutifully before they headed towards the staircase.  Biting back a smile, Lucie followed them.

 

“Come here,” Marlena met Q in the middle of the living room and after helping him tear the tape from his legs, she led him to the sofa where she set about unbinding him.

”Why on earth did you let them do it?” she asked as she tore the tape from his mouth.

 

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” he said dolefully.

 

“I’m sorry,” she leant her head on one side as she smoothed the red marks on his face with her fingers.  “I shouldn’t have laughed.”

 

“It’s okay,” he pulled away from her sharply.  It was too disconcerting to have her this close.  Especially dressed only in a flimsy nightgown and robe.  He kept on seeing her as she had been in his dream last night.  She felt the same and smelled the same. 

 

And he couldn’t look her in the eyes.

 

Marlena blinked at his reaction.

”Gene, are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” he said with a shortness in his voice that she hadn’t heard before.  She bit back another question and quietly unwound the tape that bound his fingers.  Screwing the sticky strips into small balls, she flicked them onto the table and then rubbed his fingers.  Her consternation grew further when he pulled his hand away as though her touch scalded him.

 

“Gene?”  He had to turn away from her as he heard the hurt and confusion in her voice because it almost broke his heart to know he was doing that to her.  To see it in her eyes would be too much to bear.  It wasn’t her fault he was feeling this way, that he couldn’t keep a grip on his emotions and his imagination. 

 

“What is it honey?” she whispered, picking a piece of the adhesive tape from his hair.

 

“Please Marlena,” he pushed himself off the couch.  Away from her.  “Please don’t call me that.”

 

“Call you….?” her brow creased.

 

“I’m not your honey any more, Marlena.  I’m not your anything,” he reminded her miserably.

 

“Oh that’s not true Gene, you’re my dear, dear friend,” she cried in protest.  Pushing herself off the couch, she came to stand in front of him.  “Is that what all this is about?  Do you think I don’t care about you anymore?”  The distress was written all over her face as she confronted him

 

“No,” his shoulders slumped.  “I know you care.  It’s just….” He shrugged tiredly.  “It’s hard for me Marlena.  You’re with John and you’re happy.  And I’m *very* happy for you,” he added quickly.  “It’s just…”

 

“It’s hard,” she finished for him in a quiet voice. 

 

She remembered only too well how difficult it was to watch John with first Isabella and then Rebecca, followed by Kristen.  Even when she had Roman in her life, it was hard.  It was doubly so when she was alone.

 

“Yes,” he nodded miserably and then turned away from her.

 

“I don’t….” tear filled her eyes, “I don’t know what to say…. what to do Gene.”

 

“Nothing to say or do, that’s just the way it is,” he shrugged a little coolly.  He didn’t want her pity either.  He hadn’t wanted it then and he certainly didn’t want it now.

 

“I’m sorry,” she crossed her arms in front of her, trying to ward off the chill from his voice that seemed to seep through her.  “I never wanted-“

 

“I have to go out.”  He cut her off as though he didn’t even hear her, and he didn’t look at her as he turned.  He simply brushed by her and headed for the front door.

 

“Gene!” she followed him across the room, but he had slammed the door behind him before she could think of anything to say that might make him stay and talk to her.

 

Wheeling around, she grimaced in frustration, the tiny noise of disappointment that she emitted, punctuated by the swinging of her clenched fist in front of her.

 

“Wow, that looked pretty intense,” Lucie came down the steps with a pile of dirty clothes in her arms.

 

“Oh,” Marlena crossed the room in front of the young blonde, wiping her eyes surreptitiously, “it was nothing really.  I’m sure it will all blow over by the afternoon.”  Schooling her face into a bright smile, she turned around.  “Now how are those children of mine doing?  I thought maybe we could take them to the park?”

 

“That sounds like a great idea,” Lucie smiled, “they’re upstairs finishing getting dressed.  Let me put this in the washing machine and we can go up and get their shoes on.”

 

“Well, how about I get changed while you’re doing that?” Marlena indicated her robe with an amused expression.  “Somehow I don’t think that this is appropriate daywear for the park.”

 

“Kinda depends on whom you want to impress really,” Lucie chuckled with a knowing wink before she headed for the laundry.

 

 

******

 

 

John pulled into his parking space with a screech of tires and cut the engine, Shania’s voice vanishing mid-warble.  Juggling his keys and wallet, he slammed the door behind him and locked the car with a push of the remote. 

 

“Damn!”  He stood in front of the elevator, which, to his chagrin, was out of order.  It seemed to be common occurrence these days he reflected with annoyance as he tackled the steps two at a time.  A quick flip of his wrist confirmed that it was indeed getting close to ten o’clock.  

 

Muttering under his breath, he cursed, not for the first time, at the hundred-year-old apparently deaf and probably blind old fart that he had been stuck behind at the lights.  The lights that had changed twice before he decided to pull his ancient pick-up out into the middle of the intersection but at that point, the decrepit vehicle, possibly even older than its occupant had completely died.  This had effectively halted all traffic for miles in Salem, creating a gridlock that should have been logistically impossible, except for the fact that John needed to get home.  Two hours ago.

 

Reaching the top of the stairs, he pushed the fire door open as he gulped a large breath down into his hard-pressed lungs.  Pausing for a moment to collect his wits he stared at the door, wondering how the hell he was going to convince Kristen he had been working all night.

 

 I didn’t want to drive, I’d been drinking

 

John, you just got out of hospital, you’d barely touched a drop.  And besides, you expect me to believe that millionaire John Black couldn’t afford a taxi home?

 

Would you believe I fell asleep on the sofa at the Brady’s?

 

Nice try but no I wouldn’t.

 

Didn’t think so.

 

John ran through the possibilities in his mind with a sinking feeling.  How the hell was he going to get out of this one?  Rubbing his forehead with his fingers he realized there was really no way to think of a believable argument.  He just had to hope that whatever came to mind would sound logical enough.

 

Taking a deep breath, he slid the heavy door open.

 

 

******

 

 

Q jammed his fists deeper into his pockets and trudged along the sidewalk, his eyes downcast.  He felt rotten. 

 

Damn it, none of it was her fault.  He shouldn’t have taken it out on her.  It wasn’t fair.  None of this was fair.  Why the hell was he dreaming about her again?  Why now?  Why was he torturing himself?  It only made living with her hell.  And she suffered too. 

 

How could he tell her that he was pulling away from her because his skin burned at her touch?    Because he could still taste her on his lips and the echoes of her cries still rang in his ears?

 

It’s hard.   He laughed bitterly at the painful irony.  He prayed she would never know how true her words really were.

 

“You really don’t like to make life easy for yourself, do you Q?”  Q2 was leaning against a wall, waiting for Q when he reached the corner of the block.  His thinning blonde hair glistened in the sunlight and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he watched Q with amusement.  “I would have thought you would have had a little more self-restraint than that old boy.”  He grinned and shook his head, “By Q, she must be quite something!”

 

“Don’t you have anyone else to torture Q?” Q glared at him momentarily before he continued on his way.

 

“Not really,” Q2’s lips twisted into a grim smile, “and besides, who in the universe would I find to drop in on that would be more entertaining than you?  Really Q, every time I think you’ve sorted yourself out, you go and throw another spanner in the works.”

 

“You haven’t been in my shoes,” Q muttered.

 

“No, but I’ll give it a go if you’re finding it too-” Q2 paused and raised his eyebrows with a suggestive flick, “‘hard’.”  Seeing that he had Q’s attention, he licked his lips suggestively.  “I’d love to sample some of what’s got you so out of control.”

 

“It’s just as well we both know that’s not possible,” Q replied with remarkable control.  He kept his eyes directed forward as they crossed the road even as he defeated the urge to grab Q2 by the scruff of the neck and tell him in no uncertain terms that if he ever so much as touched Marlena, he’d chase him to the ends of the universe. 

 

“’Tis just as well,” Q2 couldn’t help baiting Q.  It was so simple.  Like taking candy from a baby, and the reaction was just as loud and unutterably more satisfying.  “For you anyway.  In a fair competition, Q against Q, you know the sweet blonde wouldn’t be able to resist me.  You know she’d be screaming my name so loudly you’d be able to hear it even in that furthest corner of the universe.  The one you’d crawled into to lick your wounds.”

 

Unable to ignore Q2’s provocation any longer, Q rounded on him and pushed him against the brick wall of the building behind them.

 

“Marlena is *not* some kind of toy.”  His words rode furiously into the sunlit street, his cheeks red with anger.  “She’s not a prize to be won in a petty competition between the likes of you and me.  And I will not listen to you demean her in such a way.  She deserves respect.  Not your….” he paused, searching for a description of the despicable goading that Q2 was practicing, “contemptible innuendo.”

 

“Okay, okay!  Calm down old boy,” Q2 lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender, but his ill-concealed smile sat at odds with the conciliatory gesture.  “I didn’t mean to make any sort of inference about the good lady doctor…” he shrugged, “it was merely a passing… observation on my behalf.”  He pursed his lips in an effort to hold back the laughter that threatened to spill lazily forth.

 

“You flatter yourself Q,” Q released Q2 with an unconcealed impression of distaste.  “She wouldn’t even look twice at you.”

 

“Can’t say I wouldn’t like the opportunity to find out,” Q2 replied thoughtfully, ignoring the glare from Q that might have scythed him in two if it were any sharper.

 

“It’s almost too bad you won’t,” Q let a smile split his bad humour for the first time.  “It’d almost be worth it to see you cut down to size.  After all, how many of the Q can say they’ve been rejected first time by a mere mortal?”

 

“Nice comeback,” Q2 grinned almost admiringly, “I was beginning to despair of ever hearing your acerbic wit again.”

 

“I’ve had rather more on my mind than calculating my reply to your next juvenile taunt Q,” Q drawled languidly.

 

“So, I hear,” the corner of Q2’s mouth twitched upwards, “and rather than dreaming of the fair but unattainable Dr. Evans, perhaps you should be concentrating on working out where the Q is in Salem.”

 

“You haven’t located them all yet?” Q asked sharply.

 

“Uh, no.  I think that was rather my point Q,” Q2 let his concern show in the form of frustration as his mask slipped momentarily.

 

“DiMera?”

 

“Still in hiding.” 

 

Q2 suddenly looked exhausted.  It was as though the jesting relieved the tension, he was under but the moment he was faced with reality again, it flooded back.  “This faction seems to be remarkably strong.  And growing stronger by the nanosecond.”  He sighed and turned, deciding that he would rather be walking that idling around a street corner.

 

“Do you know how?” Q shook his head.  This shouldn’t be logistically possible.  A small faction of the Q should not be able to split themselves off and stand strong against the will of the Continuum.  It just wasn’t possible.

 

“There are theories,” Q2 ran his fingers through his hair in a gesture of helplessness that unnerved Q.  “The most likely is that somehow DiMera is more powerful that we realized.  Maybe there is some sort of coalition we don’t know about.  It’s hard to say.”

 

“So, he’s more dangerous than you thought initially?”

 

“Yes.”  Q2 nodded, “it would be safe to assume that.”  He stopped and turned around.  “The Continuum believes that DiMera has somehow harnessed the power of hatred and negativity.   He derives strength from it, especially when it is directed at him.”

 

“Great.  Well, that would explain why he is in Salem,” Q groaned.  “There’s no shortage of hatred for Stefano DiMera in these parts.”

 

“Exactly,” Q2 nodded.  “We expect that he is very close.  But we have the advantage.  Because not only is the source of his greatest strength in Salem, but also his greatest weakness.”

 

“Marlena……” Q’s voice choked as he considered the implications.  “You’re going to use her as bait…..”

 

 

******

 

 

“Coffee?” Maya opened the cupboard and pulled out a powder blue mug.  John stared at her for a moment and then looked around the living room in bewilderment.  Maya slopped a strong, dark coffee into the mug and carried it over to John.  “If you’re wondering where Kristen is,” she deduced the silent query as he looked towards the steps, “luckily for you, she’s still asleep.”  She placed the mug in John’s hand and closed his fingers around it.  “She wasn’t overly happy when she came home so she’s making up on the sleep she lost last night now I guess.”

 

John looked at the dark-haired nurse and blinked as her words finally settled in.

 

“Drink your coffee,” Maya gave him a lopsided smile before walking back to the bench where she continued her clean-up.  John liked the young nurse a lot.  Her strong Italian features rendered accurately a strength of character that was well defined and a sense of humour that was infectious.  There had been no question in his mind once he had met her at the agency, that she was the woman for the job.  And she had proved to be as close to perfect as he could have hoped for. 

 

An intelligent woman, she hadn’t been taken in by Kristen’s victim act for a moment and John suspected she loathed Kristen almost much as he did.  Well not almost as much.  He had just cause after all.  But she brooked no argument from Kristen, and she had proved remarkably effective in keeping her in the apartment even in the few short days she had been in John’s employ.

 

Taking a sip of the coffee, he allowed himself a smile at the irony.  He had almost killed himself trying to get back here and all the time, Kristen had been asleep.

 

“Perhaps you should go and shower before she gets up,” her eyes swept his disheveled clothing and the dark stubble that shadowed his jaw, “don’t you think?

 

John laughed as he placed the coffee mug back on bench and shrugged his jacket off. 

 

“Don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re dispensable Maya,” he said as he slung it over the back of the nearest chair.

 

“No-one’s tried and lived to tell the tale.” She smirked as he headed towards the steps.  “Oh, it might pay to try the guest bathroom.  She slept in your bed last night.”

 

“Thanks for the warning,” he grimaced in Maya’s direction.

 

“Well, I just hope you had a better night than she did,” Maya lifted her coffee mug in salutation.

 

“Oh yeah,” he nodded with a broad grin.  “I certainly did.”  With a spring in his step, he headed for the bathroom.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena tipped her head back and let the warm water trickle through her hair.  Steam billowed out into the bathroom, only to be sucked into the extractor fan that buzzed in the ceiling.  She ran her hands through her hair, water splashing noisily onto the shower tray as the scalding liquid washed away the residue of the night’s exertions.

 

She smiled as she lathered up the shampoo and began to work it through her hair.  It was a contented, almost dreamy smile.  If she closed her eyes, she could almost see his face, she could almost smell him.  And the memory of him was almost too real.  She couldn’t wait to see him again, to feel his skin against hers, his voice whispering how much he loved her.

 

“Oh,” the baby rocked fluidly inside her and she dropped her hand to the gentle rise of flesh.  “You too huh?”  Love swelled in her heart for her unborn child.  She just wanted it to be over now.  To have John in her arms every night, together, to watch as their children slept.  “Soon, sweetheart,” she whispered, perhaps to her absent lover, perhaps to her child.  Perhaps to all of them.  “Very soon.”

 

 

******

 

 

John swept his hand in broad strokes over his upper arm, applying soap liberally to his skin.  Part of him hadn’t even wanted to shower.  She was still with him, he still smelt of her and he wanted so badly to surround himself with her that to wash away her scent was almost like sacrilege.  But his more sensible self knew that it would be tantamount to announcing where he had been last night.  Kristen might be insane, but she wasn’t entirely stupid.

 

He closed his eyes and let the spray knead the tightness out of his shoulders.  A wry grin crossed his lips as he reflected that he was a little out of shape, given that this was actually the first time he’d had sex for over six months.  There were people who probably didn’t even think that was possible for him.  The truth was, unless it was Marlena, he wasn’t even vaguely interested any more.

 

He knew everything about the past he needed to know, and he had everything in his future he wanted.  He probably couldn’t be any happier.  Apart from the fact that he wished she was in the shower with him right now.

 

Soon, sweetheart.  The words echoed in the air.  He didn’t hear them, but he felt them, deep in his soul.  Very soon…..

 

 

Chapter 105 – Afternoon Delight

 

 

 

“Right, so you’ll get that underway?”  John ran his fingers through his hair as he talked to the lawyer on the phone.  “Yeah, well do what you have to.  She’s unfit.  I won’t have her around my child for any longer than necessary.”  He paused and rubbed an eyebrow unconsciously, a gesture he often made when things were particularly disturbing.  “Yeah, well Paul, I trust you to take care of it.  I don’t care what it takes.  I want custody of that baby and I want her out of our lives.”  He paused, listening to the man on the other end of the line.  “Well, that’s why I pay you the good money,” he gave a short, hard laugh.  “Good man, I thought you’d see it like that.  All right,” he nodded, “keep in touch with any developments.  And I’ll let you know when things happen on this end.”   His smile became grim.  “Oh, I will, don’t worry.  Talk to you soon.”

 

John replaced the receiver in its cradle and immediately hit the button that connected him directly to his assistant’s desk.

 

“Nicole,” he barked shortly into the intercom.

 

“Yes Mr. Black?”  She knew John hated the formalities of business, but Nicki liked to keep it reasonably professional in the office.  She didn’t want to give the sharks that were cruising Alamain Industries any more ammunition against John than was absolutely necessary.

 

“Can you come and explain to me again what these piles are?” he sighed.  “Take pity on me, please?”

 

“All right,” a smile curled her lips as she heard the defeat in his voice.  He had halfway ignored her when she had tried to tell him what was what, the other day.  But as much as he had struggled to make a dent in the paperwork, she knew he was swamped.  She had simply been waiting for him to admit it.

 

Pushing the paper aside on her own desk, she found her favorite pen and then she stood.  Picking up a pile of papers, she entered John’s office.

 

“What would I do without you?” he asked playing helpless.

 

“Go broke, probably,” Nicki quipped as she took the piles from the baskets on his desk and on the low cabinets behind him.  Arranging them on the table in a straight line, she motioned for him to come over.  “These,” she waved her hand at the first pile, “are the most urgent.  These are events that you need to familiarize yourself with.  They have either happened since your accident, or they happened prior, and Alamain Industries are trying to deal with the repercussions.  You need to get up to play with these before the next board meeting.”

 

John eyed the bundle of reports and sank into a chair.  So much for spending time with Marlena.  It looked like the only thing he would be spending time with in the next few days, was vast amounts of felled forests.

 

“These,” Nicole indicated the next piles, ignoring his suddenly vacuous expression, “need your signature.  They’re pretty urgent too.  Nothing too exciting, unless you want me to throw my visa bill on the top.”  She grinned, hoping to elicit some sort of response from him.

 

“Sure….” his voice drifted away, in the same direction as his thoughts she guessed as she watched him.

 

“John,” she sat down in the seat next to him, “if you aren’t interested in this, please don’t make me go through it again.”  John turned his head and looked at her, his surprise quickly shifting into contrition.

 

“I’m sorry Nick,” he shook his head, “I just have a lot on my mind.”

 

“You don’t *have* to be here you know,” Nicki’s soft Canadian accent was full of concern, “everyone would understand.  *I* think you came back too early anyway.”

 

She saw his eyes flitter to the picture that sat on the desk.  The one of Marlena Evans and the children.  And she understood.

 

“If Kristen calls, I promise that she will never find out that you haven’t been here.”

 

“You’re a good friend Nicki,” John sighed.  “But there’s so much….”

 

“It can wait.  John, it’s just work.  Go and have fun.  You deserve it,” she smiled at him.  He had told her some of what had happened, she knew about Kristen’s attempted suicide, and she knew he still loved Marlena.  She didn’t know many specifics other than that, but she knew him pretty well by now.   And she wanted to help him if she could.

 

“I’ll take it under advisement,” he wasn’t quite willing to give in yet, however tempting her encouragement made it sound.

 

“Don’t think too long,” Nicole laid her hand on his arm with a twinkle in her eye, “I might withdraw my offer.”

 

“Go on, get back to work,” he teased her as he shooed her out of his office with the flick of a hand.

 

It was as she closed the door that he realized, with a start, that he still expected to see a wedding band on his left hand.  Even after all these years, he hadn’t gotten used to his ring finger being bare.  Maybe that was because in his heart, it wasn’t bare.  He had bound himself to Marlena heart and soul all those years ago in a marriage ceremony and there had never been any annulment or divorce to signify the end of their marriage.  It had ended, but not in their hearts.  As much as they had tried to deny it, their lives and their love had still been hopelessly entwined.  They always would be.

 

His expression soured slightly as his thoughts turned to Kristen.  He had spent more time with her in the past few days.  She had been clingy and depressed, and it had been hard to get away from her.  He had spent some time at work, and he had managed to sneak a moment here and there with Marlena, a quick kiss in her office, a discrete squeeze of the hand at Salem Place.  In fact, he had seen more of Sami than he had of her mother. 

 

Now on her summer break, Sami had eagerly accepted when he had offered her a job at Alamain Industries and even in her first couple of days, she was proving to be a more diligent worker than most of his long-time staff.   He was pleased it was working out so well, he got a good, industrious worker, he had Sami’s beautiful face and sunny smile to cheer him up when he felt low, and he could keep a fatherly eye on her much more easily from just down the corridor.  He was still concerned that she was letting the guilt about what had happened consume her and he knew only too well how damaging that could be.  He was determined that his little girl would not suffer any more than she had to.

 

Sighing, he picked up the top sheet of the first pile and skimmed it with bored eyes before tossing it to one side.  Somehow, a discussion on the new fleet purchase didn’t seem terribly thrilling right now.  The next sheet was almost equally as uninteresting.  It was a report on the rebuilding of the Milan factory and the reparation to be paid to workers that had been injured.  John vaguely remembered the explosion that had ripped the factory apart, it had happened while he was searching for Marlena and the headline had registered somewhat when his eyes had skipped over the paper on an early Parisian morning.

 

It had been big news, apparently some nut, disgruntled about the workers low pay while profits were being distributed to ecological projects, had planted a bomb in the factory to exact some sort of twisted revenge.  But the warning had come too late, and seven of his workmates had been killed by the deadly package.  But what was more, one of the European executives had been visiting with his family, and his wife and child had been killed.  John didn’t know who they were; he didn’t know many of the European executives of AI.  He was happy to oversee his little corner of the business, but he wasn’t made for the cut and thrust of big business.  He was more than happy to leave that to those who were more ruthless and avaricious than he.  By the time he had returned to Salem, the whole business seemed to have died a natural death

 

His eyes flickered down the document, but his interest waned before he reached the bottom of the first page.  Throwing it on the table, he leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair.

 

You don’t *have* to be here you know, everyone would understand.

 

She was right of course.  He was fresh out of hospital; his stamina was completely shot and he could barely concentrate for a half-hour stretch.  If it wasn’t for the fact that he *had* to get away from Kristen and her sickly sweet and highly inane prattle he wouldn’t even be here now.

 

So why on earth was he here? There were far better places he could be.

 

 

******

 

 

“Mom?” Sami poked her head around the door of Marlena’s office.

 

“Mmm-hmm?  Oh, hi sweetie girl,” Marlena took off her glasses and lay them on her desk, pinching the bridge of her nose in an unconscious gesture.

 

“You look tired,” Sami told her with some disquiet as she came into the room and pulled up a seat in front of her mother’s desk.  “Should you be working in your….” she stopped, realizing what she was saying.

 

“In my condition?” Marlena laughed, touched at her daughter’s concern.  “Thanks Sami honey, but I’m fine, really.”

 

“You don’t look fine Mom,” Sami told her honestly, “you look strung out.  What’s up?”

 

Sighing, Marlena dropped her pen onto the desk and sat back in her chair laying a hand on her stomach, hoping to calm the wrestling bundle that squirmed inside her.  She should have known she couldn’t fool Sami; her daughter was a highly intuitive young woman when she wasn’t focused on herself.  And it seemed that these days that she was finally focusing more on others than her own problems.

 

“I…” Marlena took a deep breath, “I went to see your sister the other day.”

 

“Oh,” Sami sat back in her seat and tucked her hair behind her ear in an awkward gesture.

 

“Please don’t feel guilty about this sweetheart,” Marlena reiterated, understanding exactly what Sami’s body language indicated.  “This is *not* your fault.”

 

“My head knows that Mom….” Sami frowned and shook her head, her blue eyes downcast with unhappiness, “but my heart…” she shrugged.  “I just wake up at night and I see Austin…. staring.  And then Carrie…. she’s…” she staggered her words, laced with shame and sadness, “one moment she’s venomous…and the next, well, it’s like she’s…. broken,” she shrugged and then her voice dropped to a whisper.  “I don’t know what to do Mom.”

 

“Oh, baby girl,” Marlena left her desk and went to Sami’s side, kneeling by her chair, “Carrie’s going to get better.  I promise you that.  She is going to have a beautiful baby that she’s going to have to take care of soon.  We have to hope that will help her recover from this.  But you *can’t* dwell on it, Sami.  You have to get on with your life.  Carrie and Austin would want that for you.”

 

“But it’s not *fair * that I get to carry on when neither of them do,” Sami’s chest ached with the grief that she felt.  All the terrible things that she had done that she would never have the chance to put right.  She buried her face in her hands, unable to look at her mother, knowing that Carrie and Austin were not the only ones that she had hurt.

 

“No Sami, you’re right, it’s not fair,” Marlena said firmly.  “What John and I did to your father wasn’t fair.  Your father leaving us all for so long was not fair.  What Stefano has done to all of us is not fair.  But that is the way that life *is*.  We have to accept that and learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes.  Because if we can’t, how can we expect anybody else to?”

 

Gently, she pulled Sami’s hands from her face and with her fingers under Sami’s chin raised her head until she was looking at her, eye to eye.

 

“Sami, I learned that lesson the hard way.  When your father left, the guilt ate at me.  It ate me alive.  I was in so much pain, but I felt I didn’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness or their love.”  She paused, her forehead creasing as she tried to make Sami understand her words.  She still remembered those feelings of worthlessness.  The hollow self-loathing and the mechanical movement from one day to the next.  She didn’t want that for anyone, least of all the daughter she loved so.  “I don’t want to see that happen to you.  I don’t want to see you living in the past anymore.  I want you to realize that you are a beautiful, sweet girl who has made some mistakes but is growing up.  And who has a family that loves her *very* dearly.”

 

“I don’t understand…” Sami’s voice was dull, but as she went on, it became high pitched with emotion, “you went through *hell* because *I* wouldn’t let you forget the mistakes you made.  How can you dismiss that?  How can you forgive the way I treated you?”

 

“That’s *why* I can forgive it baby,” Marlena smiled softly, sweeping Sami’s hair from her face with one hand as she took her daughter’s hand in the other.  “I know why you did what you did.  You were hurt and betrayed.  It may not have been right, but I understand it.  And what I went through…” she paused, picking her words carefully, “it helped me understand the power of forgiveness.  How could I not forgive someone their mistakes after what I did?  Especially those of the daughter I love so very *very* much.”

 

“Mom,” Sami flung her arms around her mother with a sob, “I’m so sorry.”

 

“I know sweetheart,” Marlena held her little girl to her and stroked her golden hair lovingly, “I know.”

 

Sami became aware of the ringing of the phone several minutes later and it was only a moment after that that she realized how tightly she was holding onto her mother.

 

“You’d better get that,” she mumbled as she loosened her arms.

 

“No, it’s okay,” Marlena said gently.

 

“I’m okay,” Sami met Marlena’s eyes and nodded assuredly, “please, it might be important.”

 

Marlena paused for a moment, studying the young woman.  Then she nodded her head.

 

“Just a moment.”  Pushing herself up from the floor in an ungainly movement, she snatched up the phone.

 

“Hello, Dr. Evans,”

 

“Hi beautiful.”

 

“John!”  A broad smile broke out across her face as she sat on the edge of the desk.

 

“Unless you’ve got volumes of men ringing you at work telling you how utterly gorgeous you are, then yep, it’s me,” he leaned back in his chair.  “Are you busy?”

 

“Actually, Sami’s here,” she winked at Sami, who smiled despite herself.

 

“Well, tell her she should be at work,” John said teasingly.

 

“I thought your staff were entitled to a lunch break John or are you really the slave driver that I’ve been hearing about?” he could hear the laughter in her voice and it made his heart sing.

 

“Oooh, watch out Doc, you might give me ideas,” he smirked, knowing that she would be blushing a magnificent shade of pink right now.

 

“Did you have a reason for calling or did you just want to harass me?” she asked, right on cue.

 

“Actually, I wanted to tell you to clear you schedule for the afternoon,” he said in a husky voice.  “I’ll pick you up from your office in half an hour.”

 

“Half an hour?  John-” hearing the click of the line at the other end, she pulled the receiver away from her ear and stared at the phone.

 

“Guess he’s got you right where he wants you huh Mom?” Sami pulled a crumpled Kleenex from her bag and wiped her nose with a feeble smile.

 

“Well, where he’s going to *get* me is into *trouble* if he thinks he can just sweep me out of here with half an hour’s warning,” Marlena sighed, looking at the paper on her desk with a beleaguered expression.

 

“Oh Mom!” Sami’s tone held just the slightest hint of exasperation.  This was so like her mother.  It was more than obvious that she needed a break from work and yet she was worrying about catching up.  “For goodness’ sake.  Stop being so responsible!  You know you want to be with him.  So go and have some *fun* while you have the chance to.” 

 

“Sami I…” Marlena looked at her daughter and then looked at her desk again.  She *did* only have two patients scheduled this afternoon.  They wouldn’t be that hard to reschedule surely.  And this paperwork… she could come in early in the morning and get a start on it.

 

“C’mon Mom,” Sami rose from her chair and went to her mother.  Slipping one arm around Marlena’s shoulders, she tucked shoulder length blonde locks behind her mother’s ear tenderly.  “You know that relaxing is good for the baby.  It happens to be good for you too.  Please,” she leant her head on one side so that the light from the window caught her azure eyes, making them almost luminous, “if I promise to listen to what you said, will you promise to go out and have a good time?”

 

Marlena eased her arm around Sami’s waist and hugged her with a sweet-sounding laugh.

“I think you inherited your father’s gift for persuasion,” she said, knowing that really, she hadn’t needed that much urging.  She could barely concentrate on work for thinking about John, wondering what he was doing, wanting to be with him, holding him in her arms.  The thought of spending the afternoon with him was positively intoxicating and the slightest nudge from Sami had been all it had taken to make up her mind.  “All right, but only as long as you remember, mother knows best,” she winked at her lovely girl.

 

“Okay Mom,” Sami nodded with an indulgent grin, “whatever you say.”

 

“Sweetie girl,” Marlena slipped into seriousness, catching Sami’s hand as she moved away to get her bag, “please do try and let go of it.  I love you *so* much,” her breath caught as she said the words, the intensity of her fierce and unyielding love for her child overwhelming her for a moment.  Sami swallowed, blinking rapidly as her own emotions sounded in a silent echo.

 

“I love you too,” she whispered hoarsely.

 

“I just want to see you happy honey,” Marlena swept long, silky hair behind Sami’s shoulder, “I want to see that beautiful face laughing.”  She paused, catching Sami’s pale azure eyes with her own hazel ones.  “That’s all I’ve ever wanted Sami.”  Sami fought the lump in her throat as her mother held her gaze for a long moment.

 

“I know that now,” her voice was stifled as she squeezed Marlena’s hand, “I know.”

 

Smiling, Marlena returned the pressure, realizing how far they had come in such a short time.  This was the relationship that she had longed for with Sami for so many years.  And now it had finally happened, and she had John to partly thank for that too.

 

“Hadn’t you better do what you’ve got to do before John gets here?” Sami asked suddenly, as though she was reading Marlena’s thoughts.

 

“Well, yeah, I guess I had,” Marlena’s laugh punctuated the air as she surveyed the disaster area that was her desk.

 

“I’ll let you get on with it then,” Sami looked at her watch as she picked up her bag from the chair and slung it over her shoulder.  “I’m meeting Dad and Trudie for lunch in a few minutes anyway.”

 

“Oh, give your Daddy my love will you?” Marlena walked Sami to the door, her arm around the young woman’s shoulders.

 

“I will,” Sami nodded thoughtfully and paused for a moment, as though weighing her next words carefully.  “Mom, what do you think of Trudie?”

 

Marlena blinked, surprised at such a question from Sami.  Considering her answer for a moment, she leaned against the doorframe. 

 

“Well, I’ve only met her once, but from what I saw, I think I like her,” she answered honestly.

 

“Don’t you think she’s a little…. well…” Sami shrugged, “young for Dad?”

 

“As long as she’s good for your father and she makes him happy, I don’t think it really matters how old she is,” Marlena said after a little consideration.  “Why, does it bother you?”

 

“Well… no,” Sami’s brow wrinkled, “I guess I just never thought about Dad having a new girlfriend.” She chewed the inside of her cheek as she thought about it a little more.  “It’s just a little disconcerting I suppose.”

 

“Well,” Marlena slipped her hand down Sami’s arm and caught her fingers up with her own, “I think we owe it to your Daddy to support his choice and give Trudie a chance, don’t you?”

 

“Yeah,” Sami nodded, but she didn’t seem so sure “I guess you’re right.”

 

“Sami,” a small crease appeared between Marlena’s brows as she mulled over Sami’s reply, “Is something else bothering you?  Something other than Trudie?”

”No,” Sami covered her hesitation remarkably well as she realized that every moment she spent here delayed her mother.  They could talk about her father another time.  “I really have to get going Mom, Dad will be wondering where I am.”

 

“All right sweetie girl,” Marlena let the matter drop, but made a mental note to pursue it when she saw Sami again.  “You have a lovely afternoon.  And bring Will over to visit just as soon as you can, okay?”

 

“Sure, thing Mom,” Sami hugged her quickly and planted a soft kiss on her cheek.  “Have a nice afternoon, not working.”

“I will,” Marlena nodded with a smile as she watched Sami head down the corridor.  There was something Sami wasn’t telling her; she was sure of it.  But it would have to wait for now.  For now, she only had about fifteen minutes to clear her schedule and clean up her paperwork.

 

 

******

 

 

John glanced around the corner where the corridor intersected with another.  He had double-checked with Maya to make sure that Kristen was at home and there was absolutely no chance that she would find him here.  But still he was wary of running into someone he knew before he made it to Marlena’s office. 

 

He was in luck it seemed; the corridors seemed strangely deserted for this time of the day as he knocked on Marlena’s door.  He felt the knob turn under his hand and the door opened to reveal a flushed but radiant blonde.

 

“Hi,” she greeted him, almost with shyness.

 

“Hi Doc,” he said, almost with an air of nonchalance.  However, his mood changed as soon as she closed the door behind him.  “Oh baby,” he pulled her to him, and she looped her arms around his neck, “I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you.”

 

“John, it’s only been a day,” she laughed lightly.

 

“A day too long,” he murmured as he buried his nose in her hair.  “God Doc, you smell wonderful.”

 

“Okay,” she sighed, melting against him as his lips whispered across her earlobe, “you win.  I missed you too.”

 

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” John whispered as his fingers twisted in her thick hair, “Every time I close my eyes, I see you.”  He brushed her lips lightly with his as he continued to murmur.  “I can’t concentrate on work, I can’t do anything.”

 

“I know what you mean,” Marlena whispered as her fingers teased the nape of his neck, “every time I try and look at the work I have piled up over there, all I seem to see is your face.”

 

“I guess we’re even then,” John nuzzled her cheek gently, inhaling the smell of her, relishing the feel of her in his arms again.

 

“Mmm-hmmmm,” she breathed gently as she drew one hand around in front of her, her fingers flitting lightly over his lips as her eyes were riveted to the same spot.

 

Gripping her wrist in a single, smooth movement, he bent his lips to her fingers, gently kissing each fingertip in turn before letting his mouth drop to her open hand.  Watching her with eyes that burned with brilliant sapphire passion, he planted a kiss in the middle of her palm before he turned his attention to her mouth.

 

Drifting his own lips across hers, he caught a hint of her sweetness on his tongue and a jolt of desire rippled through his body.  G*d, he had to get her out of here before he was tempted to take her on the couch.  And knowing his luck lately, they would end up getting caught, which in itself didn’t exactly dampen his ardor, but certainly made him think twice about kissing her again.

 

“Unless you want to risk an embarrassing situation in here Doc, I think we’d better go,” he mumbled as he pulled away from her.

 

“There’s a lock on the door John,” she moistened her lips suggestively.

 

“And there’s more than one key Doc,” he took a deep breath as he turned away from her, ruing her sense of timing.  Although he suspected that this was probably a little payback on her behalf for embarrassing her on the phone earlier. 

 

“Oh foo, you’re no fun,” a mischievous smile curled her lips as she moved up behind him, her hand curving over one firm buttock.  Her voice was husky and tempting as she teased him further, “Are you sure I can’t persuade you to take the sofa for a test drive Mr. Black?”

 

Grabbing her wrist again in now steely fingers, John pulled her around him and spun her so that she faced him.  Then pushing her back he raised her arm over her head and pinned her against the door.  Without any comment to punctuate the moment, he captured her lips with his own, plundering her mouth with almost savage ferocity.  His tongue carried out an almost desperate exploration of her mouth as he moved against her, his free hand sweeping up her thigh. 

 

Marlena’s head swam and her knees buckled momentarily as she tried to regain some kind of equilibrium, but it was almost impossible with him so close.  The feeling of him, the scent of him was intoxicating, close to overwhelming her as she struggled for her self-control.

 

His was evidently stronger than hers as he pulled away, gasping to catch his breath as he lay his palm flat against the door and leaned on it.  His face was only inches from hers as he looked up at her, his eyes flashing with frustrated lust.

 

“One day, Marlena,” he growled, “you are going to go one step too far and you’re going to get us both into some serious strife.”

 

Inhaling deeply, Marlena said nothing.  She simply stared back at him, managing to convey the flicker of amusement she felt that ran under the maddening hunger she felt for him.  He was right, she hadn’t quite bargained for his reaction, but that wasn’t to say she didn’t like it.  She did, rather more than she’d like to admit right now.

 

“G*d, you’re asking for trouble,” a grin slipped across John’s countenance almost despite himself as her smile widened.  She remained silent for a moment, her eyes twinkling as she let him consider his options.  And then, just as he looked as though he had made up his mind, she finally spoke.

 

“So where are you taking me?” she asked him casually, as though nothing had happened just a moment ago.

 

“Oh, and now you want me to do you a favor?” he shook his head as he let her wrist go and pulled her jacket from the coat-stand.  “Not likely Doc.”  He thrust the navy jacket at her and picked up her bag from the chair in front of the desk.

 

“Not even one little clue?” she asked beguilingly.

 

“Not even a *smidgeon* of a clue,” he smirked as he opened the door.  “So, behave yourself.  You wouldn’t want people getting the wrong idea now, would you?”

 

“Of course not,” she surreptitiously smoothed her hair and tried to look inconspicuous as she followed John out of her office.

 

“John…. Marlena,” Alice Horton blinked as she and Maggie intercepted the couple in the hallway.

 

“Alice, Maggie hi,” Marlena’s mind raced as she tried to think of a reasonable explanation as to why she was so obviously leaving the hospital with John.  But all her mind screamed at her as she wracked it was, I told you this was a bad, *bad* idea.

 

“Doc’s having car problems,” John filled in smoothly, “I promised I’d take her home while someone looks at it.”

 

“Ah,” Alice nodded her head, weighing John’s words carefully.  “Well you have a nice afternoon dear,” she said to Marlena.  “And I trust you’re feeling better John?”

 

“Much better thanks Mrs. H,” John smiled, but it covered his discomfort poorly.

 

“Well, we’d better be on our way hadn’t we Maggie dear?” Alice nudged her slightly stunned daughter-in-law.  “So many floors, so little time.”

 

“Oh yes,” Maggie nodded with a suddenly sunny smile, “give my love to Eugene won’t you Marlena?”

 

“Of course I will,” Marlena was disconcerted at the mention of Gene’s name, but Maggie and Alice were gone before they had time to notice it.  She hoped.

 

 

“Do you think they suspected anything?” she asked John as they continued indifferently down the corridor.

 

“Of course not,” John sounded convincing enough, “why would they?  We’re two old friends and I’m doing you a favor.  What could be more innocent than that?”

 

 

“Interesting,” Alice considered it very carefully.

 

“What?” Maggie shook her head, still replaying the encounter in her mind.

 

“The fact that John was so eager to tell us why he and Marlena were together in the middle of the afternoon.” Alice’s sharp eyes flicked down the empty corridor and then back to Maggie.  “Don’t you think?”

 

“Alice,” Maggie drew her chin in and looked at the Horton matriarch from under thick lashes, “you’re not suggesting that….”

 

“Well,” Alice shrugged her shoulders, “doesn’t it seem strange to you Maggie dear?  That they *should* be together in the middle of the afternoon?  And be so comfortable with one another, after everything that has happened?”

 

“I don’t….” Maggie shook her head, unsure of her own answer, “Alice, it doesn’t make any sense.  Why should they lie about it if there is something more than what they say?”  Her brows puckered as she considered her own query.

 

“Well that, Maggie my dear,” Alice’s eyes twinkled as she considered the mystery that had just presented itself “is the sixty-four thousand dollar question.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Oh John,” Marlena’s laughter sparkled like the early summer rays of sunshine that glittered on the lake.  She watched him lay the checkered picnic blanket out over the lime green grass of the secluded little spot.  “This is just perfect!”

 

“I was hoping you’d say that,” John grinned as he took her hand, helping her lower herself to the rug.  “Your office definitely had its attractions though.  You almost had me persuaded there.”

 

“Well, I can safely say now that I’m glad you resisted my charms,” one corner of Marlena’s mouth quirked upwards into an adorable smile.  “Difficult as it might have been.”

 

“You, Dr. Evans, are quite impossible,” he shook his head as he pulled the picnic basket towards him so that it came to rest against his knees.

 

“That’s what all the boys say,” she sighed happily as she leaned back on her elbows and looked out over the glistening body of water.

 

“I’ll just bet they do,” John grinned as he opened the wicker basket and peered inside.

 

Marlena took the opportunity to look out over the lake and reflect on its quiet beauty.  It seemed almost deserted today, the beach to the right of them littered with several hardy souls soaking up the watery rays.  It was warm, but not yet that warm.  Smith Island sat silently in the distance, buried in shadows, despite the sun that poured over the tops of the trees.  It looked slightly forbidding and Marlena couldn’t help the shiver that passed through her as her eyes sought the tiny sylvan cabin that was owned by the Horton’s.  So much had passed behind those walls.  So many memories.  Good and bad.

 

A young goose close to the shore caught her attention.   It was struggling to gain speed as it paddled across the water in an ungainly takeoff attempt, the tips of its wings whipping the water as they flapped in long powerful strokes.  She watched it lift from the water leaving concentric ripples that ebbed into calm glassiness and then behind her, she heard the sweet clink of crystal and John handed her a champagne flute.

 

“John,” she tore herself from the idyllic scene in front of her and leaned heavily on one elbow as she turned over onto her side.   She found that he was flourishing a bottle and preparing to pop the eager cork.  “I’m pregnant.  I can’t drink champagne, you know that.”  Her face was the picture of disappointment as she held out the glass for him to take away.

 

“Relax Doc,” he twisted the bottle in his hands so that she could see that it wasn’t champagne at all, but sparkling grape juice.  “Just the finest money can buy.”  With firm thumbs, he edged the cork out, producing a loud bang and eliciting a squeal from Marlena.  “Did you really think I’d leave you out, baby?”

 

“No,” she shook her head, watching his face as he concentrated on pouring the effervescent liquid into her glass.  She just loved him so much.  She could spend the rest of her life staring into those eyes and never get bored.

 

“No?” he laughed as he poured his own and then put the bottle to one side, “you were trying to give your glass back to me Doc.”

 

“I was not!” she fibbed, unwilling to admit defeat.

 

“Some things never change,” he shook his head with an amused smile.  “I think you are still the most stubborn woman I have ever met.”

 

“Would I be me if I wasn’t?” she asked him.

 

“No,” he shook his head, the smile still ghosting his lips, “no you wouldn’t.”

 

She was quiet for a moment as she considered him, the moment sliding into seriousness as the silence lengthened, punctuated only by the muffled splash of a duck as it hit the surface of the lake in an avian display of remarkable accuracy.

 

Lifting his glass, John pursed his lips in thought.

 

“To us,” he said quietly.  “To us and to the two beautiful babies we’ll be holding in our arms soon.”

 

“To our family,” Marlena breathed, the words sounding to John almost like notes in a sweet melody that twined with the pure chime as the crystal glasses touched.  They both took a sip and then Marlena turned to look over the water.   “I almost can’t believe we’re finally going to be a family.  After all this time…” she shook her head.  “It’s quite something isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah,” John joined her in her quiet introspection, “quite something.”

 

“Boys, or girls?” Marlena turned to him again and lifted her eyebrows with her query.

 

“One of each,” John replied deliberately before he took a sip of the grape juice.  “Like Sami and Eric.  It would feel…” he shrugged, “kind of like a new beginning I suppose.”  He looked at her, his eyes reflecting the bright blue firmament above.  “You?”

 

“I don’t care,” she smiled dreamily, “as long as they look like you.”

 

“Oh no,” John shook his head, emitting a deep chortle, “don’t subject them to that fate!”  His smile softened as his eyes held her hazel ones.  “I want them to look like their incredibly gorgeous mother.”

 

Marlena smiled he appreciation of his sweet flattery, but he saw the anxiety creep into her eyes as she looked out over the lake again.

 

“As long as they are safe and healthy,” the whisper dissolved the smile on her face to reveal the concern that was endemic within her.

 

“They will be Doc,” John reached out and squeezed her hand.  “We have to trust that they will be.”

 

“Mmmmm,” she nodded her head with the soft murmur almost as though she hadn’t heard him.

 

“Hey, c’mon Doc,” John rolled over so that he was on his stomach next to her.  “Too much seriousness from you lady.  We’re supposed to be having fun.”

 

“Life isn’t always fun though is it, John?  There are too many hazards, too many dangers.”  She ignored his attempt to lighten the mood, feeling suddenly as though a shadow had crossed them.

 

“Hey baby,” John’s voice was gentle but full of concern, “where did all this come from.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Marlena exhaled and rolled over on her side so that she was touching John.  Somehow, his warmth gave her comfort, and she gained some strength from him simply being there.  She looked at him and shook her head.  “Don’t mind me, I’m just being morbid.”

 

“No, I think it’s a little more than that,” John traced the contour of her cheek with his finger, “something’s bothering you.  I wish you’d tell me what it is.”

 

“I can’t,” she shrugged moodily.  “I wish I could.  I don’t even know what it is myself.”  She sighed expansively.  “Maybe it’s just this whole situation, having to sneak around, there’s too much that can go wrong.  Having to lie to everybody, Gene being odd…”

 

“Eugene?” John’s voice didn’t betray the emotions that were roused by that simple name.  Emotions that he didn’t expect, didn’t want.  But he hid them expertly as he asked his question.  “How’s he being odd?”

 

“He’s just not acting like himself,” she scratched the side of her nose as she considered Gene’s bad humour the past couple of days, “I don’t know what it is, I can’t lay my finger on it.  He’s just not…. himself.”

 

“I guess he’s finding it awkward too,” John’s voice was hoarse. 

 

He could have told Marlena what it was.  Eugene couldn’t look at her without remembering.  She was under his skin, like she was under John’s.   You didn’t love a woman like Marlena and then just switch off those feelings.  And he was still living with her in the penthouse while John was stuck at the loft with Kristen.

 

“I guess so,” Marlena was oblivious to the white-hot jealousy that had ignited within John at her words.  But then, he was good at hiding his feelings.  He’d had more than enough practice after all.

 

“How is Kristen doing?” she unwittingly changed the subject, sending John onto the back foot.

 

“Kristen?” he blinked rapidly.

 

“Yeah, you remember her?” Marlena raised her brows again with an amused smile.

 

“I try not to,” he muttered.

 

“Oh, poor you,” she smiled sympathetically, a mischievous glint appearing in her eyes.  “Can I do anything to make it better for you?”

 

“Oh,” he considered her offer as a grin displaced the grimace that had previously occupied his lips.  He had after all, meant for this to be a fun, carefree afternoon.  Why let thoughts of Eugene and Kristen spoil it?  “Well, I do have a couple of suggestions.”

 

“Care to clue me in?” Marlena took a sip of her grape juice and giggled as the fizz met her a little more forcefully than she had anticipated.

 

“How about….” he shimmied over to the picnic basket on his stomach and opened it, “…. you figure out…” Marlena looked bemused as he searched around for a moment, “…something to do….” With a grin and a flourish he produced a bowl of strawberries, “…. with these.”

 

“Oh John,” she looked at him from under heavy bangs and gave him a smile full of promise, “you really know how to set the scene don’t you?”

 

“I’m trying Doc,” John winked at her as he rolled onto his side, “I’m trying.”

 

“That you are my darling,” she laughed as she moved next to him again, her golden locks glistening in the sunlight.

 

“Oh, I’m wounded Doc,” John clutched at his chest and fell onto his back.

 

“Not half as wounded as you’ll be when I’m through with you,” Marlena said in a throaty voice as she pulled the strawberries toward her.

 

“Is that a threat or a promise baby?” John asked her with an expectant smile.

 

“Oh, most definitely a promise,” she ran her tongue along her lower lip as she inspected the strawberries.  “Now if I can just remember how to do this…”

 

“It can’t be that hard Doc,” John murmured as he watched her dip a big juicy berry in the whipped cream that he had also produced. “Don’t they say it’s just like riding a bicycle?”

 

“Oh, shut up Black.”

 

Marlena pushed him back down and leaned on his chest as she dabbed the whipped cream along his lips.  John watched her as she dangled the strawberry just out of reach of his mouth.  Then, as he gave up trying to snatch it from her with his lips, she used the berry to smear more cream over his mouth.  Then, with a tiny whimper, she let him take the strawberry and bite on it.

 

The fruit was sweet against his tongue, but the feeling of Marlena’s mouth on him was absolutely exquisite.  Her tongue caressed his lips, removing the stray cream before it ventured between them to taste the berry.  He could feel her hands in his hair as her tongue searched his mouth, tangling with his own in a passionate samba.

 

In a swift movement, he took her by surprise and rolled her onto her back, never breaking the kiss even as they moved.  He felt a momentary inkling of resistance, but then she relaxed and let him take control.

 

“So, Doc,” he said breathlessly when he pulled back from her, “is it just like they say?”

 

“Why don’t you try it and find out?” she whispered, her own chest rising and falling as she tried to gain some control over her desire for him.

 

“I might just do that,” he lifted one eyebrow as his lips curled in a smile.  Reaching out, he selected a strawberry and dipped it in the cream.

 

Lowering it to her mouth, he dragged it along her upper lip and then dipped his head to hers.  Gently, he sucked all the cream off her and then moved back again.  He repeated the process with her lower lip, rewarded by a moan as he pulled back again.  Then gently he lowered it into her mouth and joined her in tasting the succulent, juicy flesh.

 

This was, he reflected in fractured thought, how it should always be.  Love, lust, truth….. passion.  No fear, no jealousy, no betrayal, no lies.  Just the two of them and their love.  Pure and strong.   As it had always been and would always be. 

 

It was that simple.  It should be that simple.  He had to make it that simple.

 

Anything else might tear them apart, and he could bear that.  He couldn’t let it happen again.

 

He simply couldn’t…….

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 106 – Haunting

 

 

John entered the penthouse behind Marlena and looked beyond her to the scene she was already surveying.  It looked somewhat akin to a warzone and it took a moment for him to sort out in his mind, what was what. 

 

The coffee table had been pushed to one side, a stray missile leaving a thankfully empty vase on its side atop the glass.  All the cushions from both the sofas were piled up on the floor, along, it seemed, with pillows from every room in the house.  On top of the pile was a squirming Belle, along with her giggling brother, and evidently, buried somewhere under the pile was a laughing Q.  Blankets were also strewn from one end of the room to the other along with various chairs and other items of furniture, leaving John and Marlena wondering exactly what they had all been playing at.

 

“Can’t catch me!” Brady yelled as he scrambled off the heaving pile of foam and cotton and dashed towards the kitchen.  But an impossibly long arm snaked like a tentacle and hooked around Brady’s legs, sending him sprawling in a breathless and hysterical pile on the carpet.  John blinked in astonishment as he watched the little boy get slowly dragged back to the mound and then he started towards his son in concern.  However, Marlena stayed him with a hand on his arm as Brady extracted himself from Q’s grip and threw himself back on the pile with a renewed and enthusiastic fit of the giggles.

 

She could understand John’s uncertainty, his fear that Brady might be hurt by the tumble he had taken, but he didn’t know Eugene like she did.  Didn’t know how much he adored the children and how much they adored him in return.  Even after the initial mishap with Belle, Marlena had no qualms that Eugene would always look after her babies.  And they seemed to be having such fun now, she was loathe to end it too soon.

 

However, the children’s laughter was interrupted by Lucie’s voice as she entered the room with a tray of milk and cookies.

 

“All right,” she said good naturedly, “It’s time to let the monster under the mountain have a bit of a rest.  And time for you two to calm down some and have some afternoon tea.”

 

“Don’t want to,” Belle pouted sulkily, resenting the interruption to her play.

 

“Well Isabella honey, you have to eat if you’re going to keep up your strength for battling monsters, aren’t you?”  Lucie’s sweetly Tennessee accented words failed to cajole the little girl, however.

“I’s not hungry,” the blonde toddler maintained her stance, ignoring the pretty nanny’s persuasive tactics.

 

“My Belle baby?  Not hungry for cookies?” Marlena laughed, drawing the children’s attention to her previously unnoted vantage point.

 

“Mommy,” Belle forgot her momentary annoyance and she raced towards her mother, a large grin on her face.

 

“Hi sweetie girl!” Marlena crouched down to meet her daughter with a hug.  Brady was right behind her and crashed into the pair, almost sending them sprawling, Marlena fighting to keep her balance under the onslaught of little bodies.

 

John watched the greeting fighting the bile that threatened to rise in his throat.  They hadn’t even noticed he was there yet.  At first, they had been so wrapped up their fun with Eugene, acting as though he was their pal, almost a surrogate father.  And then they had noticed that their mother was there, running to meet her with sparkling eyes and generous kisses.  But to them, he thought churlishly, it was as though he was invisible, as though they hadn’t even considered him, given a thought that he might be there.  As though he was no longer even deemed part of the family.

 

He watched them, Marlena’s hand curving around Brady’s cheek in gentle greeting and his stomach roiled stormily.  He didn’t want to feel like this.  Surely this anger, this unmitigated jealousy of Eugene and his place with the children was unfounded, simply borne out of insecurity.  He wanted to believe that with all his heart.  But somehow, he couldn’t seem to reconcile himself with what he was seeing.

 

He wanted, well part of him wanted Eugene here while he was with Kristen.  He needed to know that Marlena and children were safe, protected by something a little more intelligent than an alarm system.  When he could cool down enough to think rationally, his logic told him that Eugene was the one most suited to combat DiMera’s nefarious tactics.  His special “Q” powers gave him that edge.  But that knowledge didn’t ease John’s resentment any to know that.  In fact in some ways, it magnified it.  As did Marlena’s placid acceptance of Eugene’s place with the children.

 

Part of him was furious wither her for just standing there and watching them.  With a smile on her face.  How could she encourage this?  She knew that Eugene would have to leave soon and if the children became any more attached to him, it would be all the more difficult for them to see him go.

 

John swallowed heavily, knowing in his heart that it wasn’t simply the children’s feelings that he was concerned about.  If Marlena couldn’t see how tenuous this situation was then…. he shook his head; how could she be so blinded to the dangers?  Or did she want to be blind?

 

Dammit John, stop it.  You’re letting your mind run away with you.  This is *not* her fault, you can’t lay the blame on Doc.  The muscle in his jaw twitched rapidly as he tried to reign in his emotions.  Marlena was just trying to do what was best for all of them.  And maybe it *was* best that she couldn’t see how he felt.  If she could forgive him Kristen, then *surely* it was up to him to deal with Eugene and the feelings the man aroused in him.  If Marlena knew how he really felt, he couldn’t help but wonder if she would look at him differently.

 

With some effort, John tried to banish the thoughts from his mind as they took hold, but the niggling jealousy he had been feeling lately seemed to be exploding inside him like a naked flame touched to a keg of gunpowder and it felt as though it was choking him as he watched Q burrow his way out of the pile of pillows across the room.

 

It wasn’t rational, John knew.  If this was anyone’s fault, it was his.  He hadn’t been around for so long; he’d had his priorities so hopelessly screwed up; it was no wonder the children were looking for a father figure.  But why the hell did it have to be Eugene Bradford?  And why did he have to encourage them?  Why couldn’t he mind his own business?  They were John’s children, his responsibility and no one else’s, least of all Eugene’s.

 

Marlena whispered something in Belle’s ear and the little girl looked up.

 

“Daddy!” her face lit up like a sunbeam, and she extracted herself from the tangle to throw herself into her father’s arms, dispelling his previous troublesome thoughts.

 

“Hi beautiful Belle,” he buried his face in her soft hair and smiled.

 

“Daddy? Brady tugged at his father’s dusty cotton trousers almost shyly and John’s heart lurched.

 

“Hi there, slugger,” he mussed the child’s chestnut-colored hair before pulling him into his embrace.  “How are my kids doing?”

 

Marlena watched the reunion for a long moment with a proud smile, before she turned back to the living room.  Eugene was meticulously ignoring what was going on as he placed the cushions back on the sofas and she could almost physically feel the tension that was rolling off him from across the room.

 

What on earth was wrong with him?  He could make the children scream with laughter, but the moment she walked into a room, he did everything but turn his back on her.  And sometimes he did that too. 

 

Of course, if she had cared to let the thought enter her head, the answer would have been more than obvious.  But Marlena wasn’t ready to face the truth yet, or the obvious damage it would expose.  Damage she had wrought.

 

Instead, she argued with her inner conscience.  He had been the one that had been adamant that she sort things out with John.  He had been the one who had spent hours trying to persuade her that John deserved to know the truth about his baby.  Of course he had.  And all the time he had been holding back the truth from her.  The truth that Kristen was carrying Marlena’s child.  What right did he have to be angry and hurt?

 

She shook her head, raising her hand to her lips as she let the sudden, irrational anger bleed away, wondering even as she did, where on earth it had come from.  She didn’t still blame Gene for that did she?  She’d worked through all that and getting angry wasn’t going to help any of them, least of all herself.

 

With gentle footfalls, she crossed the room to where Eugene was, now at the arched exit from the living room.

 

“Gene?” she caught his forearm with faltering fingers.

 

“Marlena,” she could feel the muscles harden under her touch, as though he had to restrain himself. 

 

From what? her mind asked silently.

 

“Gene,” her shoulders sagged as she identified a growing coldness in his eyes.  A coldness that both alarmed and mystified her.  This wasn’t the Eugene she knew, and she didn’t know how to reach him.  “Gene, what’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong?” he shrugged his shoulders.  “Nothing’s wrong Marlena.  Why would something be wrong?”

 

“Gene,” she lightened her fingers on his arm as he turned away from her.  “Please don’t do this to me.  Don’t shut me out.”

“Shut you out of what?” his voice oozed with bitterness, so much so that she physically took a step back.  “There’s nothing going on in my life.  Nothing at all.  So, you see, there’s nothing for me to tell you is there?” 

 

Q knew he was hurting her, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.  The sight of her and John together seemed to stab at him like a searing blade, jabbing and slicing when he least expected it.  And hurting more than he had ever thought possible.  For the first time in six months, he longed for the numbness and clinicality of the continuum.  Was it really better to have loved and lost or was that just another trite human saying, lost among so many inane others?

 

And somehow, keeping her at arms distance seemed to be the only way he could cope with it right now.  The dreams were haunting him, driving him crazy, not only with his hunger for her, but also his lack of sleep.  He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up.  But the closer Marlena got to him, he knew, long wasn’t even a remote option.

 

And so, he pushed, in the fashion he knew best.  The shell that he had cultivated so perfectly over millennia that he had lost count of, fell over him like a suit of armor and he once again became “Q”.  Q the immortal.  Q the omnipotent.  Q the desperate.

 

Ignoring the pain in Marlena’s eyes, he continued.

 

“I’m sure there are more interesting places to focus your attention Marlena,” he gestured to where John talked animatedly to the children.  “You don’t need to worry with dull, boring Q.”

 

“But I am worried, Gene,” she refused to be thrown by his apparent self-pity.  This isn’t like you.”

 

“Well maybe it is like me.  Maybe you’re finally seeing the real me.  The one you haven’t wanted to see all along?” he suggested pulling his arm roughly away from her touch at last.  He turned from her; unable to look her in the eyes for fear that she would see the truth in his own.

 

“I don’t believe that,” she answered softly, moving closer behind him.  “My friend Gene is sweet and gentle.  He’s not cynical and he’s not deliberately hurtful.  Not unless maybe…. something is hurting him.”

 

“I’ve told you before,” Q intoned steadily, ignoring the warmth of her so close behind him, trying to discount the sensations that her fragrance invoked.  He couldn’t forget that John was across the room and though he was too far away to hear what they were saying, he could still read the intent.  “I’ve changed.  I’m not the Eugene that you used to know.  If that’s what you want to think, you’re going to be bitterly disappointed Marlena.  You’d do best to let him go.”

 

“I don’t *want* to let him go,” Marlena’s voice caught in her throat as she spoke.  Gene’s coldness was breaking her heart and she didn’t know how to deal with him when he was like this.  “That Eugene was my friend.  I love him for his sweet kindness and loving concern.  And I love him because to the ends of the earth he would always try and help me.  And he’d never hurt me.”

 

“Oh, Marlena,” the anguish in her voice shattered his resolve and he turned back to her, his brown eyes abject with sorrow.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.  I just can’t talk about this right now.  Just let me do this my own way, okay?”

 

“Are you sure that’s the best way?” she was relieved he seemed to have snapped out of his bad temper, but she was concerned that anything else she might say could just push him right back in.

“It’s the only way,” Q replied softly.  Without thought, he lifted his hand, and with sad eyes, he reached out to touch her cheek.  Her eyes spoke volumes, the confusion and sorrow in them almost overwhelming him.  And then suddenly, aware of what he was doing and who was watching, his fingers began to shake, and he snatched them away before turning on his heel and disappearing into the kitchen.  Exhaling deeply, Marlena’s shoulders slumped as she watched him go.

 

John’s chest thrummed with the surge of blood as it pounded through his heart.  He could barely believe what he had just seen.  Marlena’s back was to him, but he could feel her pain, sense it simply from the way she moved, from the anguish that poured off her.  He didn’t know what was going on, he didn’t even want to know. 

 

He could see the hardness in Eugene’s eyes, the percolating misery that engulfed him as he looked at Marlena.  He knew that kind of pain well.  He had lived it not too long ago.  And now the roles were reversed.  But surely Marlena should know that?  Know that things could never go back to how they were before.  That kind of love, once lost was a tear in the fabric of emotion.  All attempts at healing simply tumbled through the rip, leaving the soul bereft and lost.

 

John felt a twinge of pity for Q, but it mingled with the deeper and more powerful emotions that flowed through him in a torrent that swept reason before it.  Why was Marlena so worried about Eugene’s feelings when she had hardly stopped to question his?  The blood pounded in his head, and he fought the rush of dizziness as he saw Q lift his fingers to Marlena’s cheek and the fury and jealousy erupted inside of him.

 

If he so much as *touches* her……

 

Thankfully for them all, the other man left the room and John’s shoulders dropped with Marlena’s momentarily spent with the effort of control.  He looked down at his children who turned curious eyes upwards.  G*d Black!  What the hell do you think you are doing?  Get a grip, you’re going to screw up everything if you don’t calm down.  He smiled weakly and ruffled Belle’s blonde locks as he turned away from where Marlena stood alone and worried.

 

From across the room by the fireplace, an interested expression appeared on Lucie’s face as she watched John take in the whole exchange between Marlena and Q.  His expression had darkened from one of joy at being with his children, to distress and maybe jealousy as he watched the conversation between the two ex-lovers.

 

Lucie doubted that he could hear what was being said, she couldn’t from this distance, but he glowered as Marlena touched Eugene and she couldn’t even fathom his expression as he saw Marlena become upset at Eugene’s words and bitter expression. 

 

It was fascinating to watch them, the interactions of the three thrown together in circumstances more difficult than they each might imagine.  Lucie considered herself somewhat a student of human nature, in all its intriguing complexity.  And these three provided quite the lesson.

 

“All right kids,” John hadn’t noticed Lucie’s scrutiny of his reaction, “time for your milk and cookies.”  He sent them in the direction of the coffee table and picked his way across the rumpled blankets to where Marlena still stood.

 

“What was that about?” he asked carefully.

 

“Oh, I don’t think I even know,” she rolled her neck wearily, trying to ease some of the tension that was rigid in every muscle.  “He’s just so *frustrating*.”

 

“He shouldn’t be upsetting you like that Marlena,” John said firmly, keeping his temper well in check.  It’s not good for you.”

 

“He doesn’t mean to,” she said softly, “it’s just….” She paused, suddenly aware of the way John was fidgeting, his arms crossed tightly in front of him.  She blinked as her tired mind tried to decode his body language but after the confrontation with Eugene it was too much for her.  John knew he had absolutely no reason to be jealous.  She was committed with her whole heart to him, and he knew that.  Deciding it could wait until later, she brushed the question aside.

 

“It’s just what?”  John asked unsure if she was about to defend Q or not.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it if she was.

 

This was really the last thing he wanted to deal with right now.  The sight of she and Eugene together had thrown him into a tailspin and he could hardly think straight.  He had no right, no need to feel jealous, he knew that in his head.  But in his heart, he could still see them together, the way she breathed her delight at his touch, the way she murmured words of love at the edge of a moonlit body of water, and it burned inside him, painfully and insidiously.

 

It wasn’t that he wanted to feel like this.  He wanted nothing more than to forget about it, pretend Q had never meant anything more to Marlena than a good friend.  But it was as though he had a little devil sitting on his shoulder reminding him constantly of what he had seen and heard.  And the feelings those memories conjured up were becoming more and more raw and tortuous as days went by until John could barely see Eugene without resenting the hell out of him.  And the visual reminder of seeing Marlena with him was enough to make John recoil with an emotion very akin to disgust.

 

But now Marlena was standing right next to him, and he couldn’t let his face betray his inner struggle.  This wasn’t her problem.  He *had* to deal with this before it started to come between them.  He couldn’t bear hurting her again and that was what was going to happen if he took this stupid jealousy out on her.

 

“Nothing,” it was as though Marlena had picked up on his thoughts and suddenly, she wanted to do nothing more than completely forget about it.  “We’ve had a wonderful afternoon, let’s not spoil it by talking about Eugene huh?”  She turned to him with an engaging smile and took his hand, almost convincing in her sudden mood change.

 

“Okay then,” John shrugged, part of him more than happy to move on, but the other part wondering exactly why she thought talking about Eugene would spoil the afternoon.  Did she have some inkling of his feelings after all? 

 

He hoped not.  He would have to do whatever he could to put those suspicions to rest.  Indeed, to put the whole matter to rest.  After all, surely if he told himself he was not jealous and had no cause to be jealous enough, it would start to become a fact. 

 

Turning on a sunny smile, he squeezed her hand.  “Whatever you say sweetheart.”

 

“I say I fancy some milk and cookies,” Marlena laughed lightly as she pulled John towards the coffee table where they joined the children for afternoon tea.

 

 

* * * * * *

 

 

It was later on, in Marlena’s bed, that John’s smothered emotions came back to haunt him.  They had eaten a small dinner with the children, Q having gone out not long after the conversation with Marlena, and then they had bathed and put the children to bed together.  It had been a relaxed and happy few hours for both of them, the first time they had truly felt like a family in a long time.

 

Although they had been careful not to be too affectionate with each other in front of Belle and Brady in order not to confuse them too much, the touches and glances had come fairly regularly.  It was hard to fight their natural tendency to gravitate towards each other and they had ended up cuddled up on the sofa with both of the children reading stories before bedtime.

 

And after the children had been tucked in, they had found themselves in each other’s arms, and they had made love, urgently, passionately as though trying to drive from their minds and perhaps each other’s, the fears and insecurities of the day.  Filling their minds, hearts and souls with each other, they banished all worries and all fears for several blissful hours as they had made love and then they had talked softly of the past and of their hopes for the future.

 

And then finally, they had drifted to sleep, their bodies molded together as though they were made to fit together. 

 

But it wasn’t long before an unwelcome intrusion slid between them.

 

 

The way your smile just beams, The way you sing off key,

The way you haunt my dreams, No, no, they can’t take that away from me.

 

He is in the corner of the Penthouse Grill, trapped there, unable to move.  Marlena and Eugene are dancing.  Well, swaying is more to the point.  She is wearing a low cut, black dress and she looks stunning.  He is holding her tightly and she is smiling up at him.  Laughing as he sings…… 

 

……Q’s hand drifts down to the small of her back and he leans over and presses his lips to her bare shoulder.  He tries to shout, to break free but he is rendered mute and useless.  She cannot hear or see him.  If she could, would she care?  Or is she too wrapped up in her lover to even notice?……

 

……He finds himself facing windows.  It is dark and he hears a moan behind him.  Turning around, he sees them.  On the bed.  Kissing…hands roaming…  He calls her name, his voice drenched with anguish, but she hears nothing.  Nothing but the sounds of her lover as his sighs echo around her……

 

 

John‘s eyes snapped open, his chest heaving as he struggled for air.  His forehead was beaded with sweat as he sat up, sucking desperately at the stale air that surrounded him. 

 

This can’t be happening. 

 

The dream was so unbelievably vivid that it took him a moment to orient himself and realize that he was in fact, still in bed with Marlena and not watching her make love to Eugene from across the room.

 

“John?” her sleepy voice sounded muffled, “what’s wrong honey?”

“Nothing, Doc,” John’s voice sounded strained as he whispered his denial, “go back to sleep.”

 

Marlena had heard that once already today and even in her drowsy state, she instinctively didn’t believe John any more than she had believed Gene.  Forcing her eyes open, she rolled over and looked at him.  The sight of him, his face in his hands only served to reinforce her intuition.

 

Pushing herself up from the bed, she slipped her arms around his shoulders.

“Did you have a dream, honey?” she whispered.  John said nothing, but the muscles in his jaw twitched as his body tightened in successive ripples.  “John?” she ran her fingers over the muscles in his shoulders, feeling the tightness there and she frowned.

 

“I need to be getting home,” John said hoarsely as he pulled away from her.

 

“What?” she blinked, trying to get a fix on what was happening.

 

“Kristen will be wondering where I am,” he answered shortly as he slipped from the bed and collected up his clothes.  Looking up at her worried face, his expression softened.  “I’m sorry Doc, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.  I really need to get back or she’s going to start asking awkward questions.”

 

“Okay, if you feel you have to.”  She nodded her head to indicate she understood, but the dark hid the uneasiness in her hazel eyes.  Whatever he had been dreaming about, the reaction she had evoked from him told her it was very unlikely that it was Kristen.

 

“Yeah, I do.” John nodded as he pulled on his pants and zipped them up.  He tucked his shirt into the waistband and buckled the belt.

 

“John,” Marlena watched him, her heart beating heavily in the anxious silence, “are you sure that everything is all right?  You’re…you’re not angry with me?” she was tentative, and her voice drifted away as she waited for his answer.  It was a little longer coming than she would have liked.

 

“I’ve course I’m not baby,” he smiled and shook his head lightly, his eyes crinkling at the corners.  But something in his expression left her uneasy.  “Gotta go,” he dropped a kiss on the top of her head, but she caught his hand as he turned.

 

“John,” she breathed gently, her free hand sliding around his warm waist, “don’t I even warrant a kiss on the lips?”

 

John closed his eyes fleetingly.  The feel of her hand against his, her arm around his waist was both tantalizing and repellent.  Every time she touched him, he wanted her.  That would never change.  But behind his eyelids he could still see the ghostly image of her hands on Eugene, and it made him nauseous.

 

“John?” she whispered, her voice shivering with uncertainty.

 

He opened his eyes.

 

“I’ll call you in the morning okay sweetheart?” he brushed his thumb over her cheek and then leaned down to press his lips to hers.

 

“Okay….” Her voice followed him out of the room, and then she sat alone.  Silent.

 

 

The clock hit 3am and Marlena rolled over, her eyes wide open.  Sleep was more than elusive; it was impossible to capture.  All she could see when she closed her eyes, was the twitch of the muscle in John’s cheek and the down turned line of his lips.   And she could feel his soft, almost impersonal kiss.

 

What isn’t he telling me?

 

She felt unsettled, maybe even lonelier in her bed than she had before he had joined her.  Something had made him *want* to leave.  She didn’t understand it.  She didn’t understand *him*.

 

She sighed and threw the covers back, slipping her legs out of the bed.  She pulled her robe from the back of the couch and drew it on.  Letting it billow about her in the warm night air, she left the room.

 

The apartment was dark and quiet.  She paused at the doorway to Belle’s room and smiled at the sleeping angel, her cheeks rosy and her blonde hair ruffled by the gentle movement of sleep.  Then she silently moved across the landing and descended the staircase.

 

Passing through the living room, she plumped a cushion on her way and threw an appreciative glance around the room.  As much as terrible things had happened in this penthouse, it was still her home and she still loved it.  Every so often someone would suggest that she move out and find somewhere new, somewhere with fewer memories.  But something held her here.  Maybe it was the fact that John had found it for her.  Maybe it was that link to him that had made her feel comfortable and safe here, even when perhaps she hadn’t been.  She liked the place, she liked the stability it offered as a single parent and she liked the feel of it when she was here alone, as she was now.  It was special.  It was hers.

 

The gauzy fabric of the robe drifted around her feet as she entered the kitchen, the terracotta tiles cool under her feet.  The light from the refrigerator illuminated the room, casting odd shadows as she pulled a carton of milk from the middle shelf.  Tipping some into a large cup, she put it into the microwave and switched on the timer.

 

Rubbing her face, she leaned against the bench and stared at the floor as again she tried to make sense of John’s behavior.

 

 

******

 

 

Q sat on the edge of his bed and groaned.  He was drenched in sweat after another one of *those* dreams and he could barely think straight.  His lips burned with the taste of her, his body tingled at the memory of her imagined touch, and he felt almost desperate with longing. 

 

Why the hell was he doing this to himself?  It was like some kind of masochistic torture to keep doing this, to keep living with her and seeing her every day.  Intellectually he knew that he had to stay here, to make sure she was okay.  If he left who would be there to stop Kristen from taking a pot shot at her?  And who would be there to stop Stefano DiMera from doing whatever he wanted?

 

He shook his head as he considered Q2’s words the other day.  We expect that he is very close.  But we have the advantage.  Because not only is the source of his greatest strength in Salem, but also his greatest weakness.  Stefano DiMera.  Once Q.  To be vanquished only by Q.

 

So, he had to stay.  But at what cost?  It was as though his heart broke all over again every time he saw her with John.  And he didn’t even know why.  It wasn’t like this before, so what had changed? 

 

The dreams.

 

He touched her, felt her in those dreams.  It wasn’t only the memory of how she felt as she moved against him.  They evoked all the emotions again, the love, the lust …the loss was all intensified to a point where he could hardly think past wanting to hold her in his arms again and smell her scent.

 

Shaking his head, trying to tell himself that the taste on his lips was only wrought by his imagination, he pushed himself from the bed and stumbled to the door.  He was parched and he needed some water.  He loped down the stairs with long, ungainly steps but he paused, his heart in his mouth, when he made it to the kitchen doorway. 

 

The refrigerator was open, shedding a faint, golden light across the kitchen floor.  It illuminated Marlena who was leaning against the bench in front of it, seemingly lost deep in thought.  Q could see the curves of her body through the soft diaphanous fabric, the lace curling gently over her warm skin and her golden hair fell about her face, framing it like spun silk.  He didn’t know if she had ever looked more beautiful.

 

His heart pounded as he watched her, and he tried to still the trembling that suffused his body as he gripped the doorframe.  The pain that the sight of her induced left him breathless and a hot, prickling tear escaped his eye as he blinked.

 

He froze as she looked up and straight at him.  His jaw tightened as he saw the question form in her eyes and then, flooded with shame, he turned and fled.

 

“Gene!”  Marlena chased after him, but it was as though he had disappeared into thin air by the time she made it to the doorway.  Maybe he had.  “Oh *Gene*!”  The utterance was one of pure frustration as she brushed the bangs up off her forehead with the heel of her palm.

 

With a hand on her hip, her eyes swept the living room and focused on the stairs.  The microwave beeped behind her and with an aggravated groan, she went back into the kitchen.

 

What the hell was going on around here?  One look from her and men started running?  Her shoulders slumped as she took the cup of warm milk from its metal cocoon.  Why couldn’t anything ever just be simple?  Just when she thought things were coming right, now John was jumpy and strange and Gene…. well, if she could get Gene to even talk to her, she’d be making a good start.

 

She felt a sharp pain in her side as the baby sent a knee or an elbow into an organ.

 

“Oh, not you too,” she sighed.  Rubbing her hand soothingly over the tight skin, she wandered out into the living room and lowered herself wearily onto the sofa.

 

With a sip of warm milk, she rubbed her brow again and contemplated the floor.  The more she thought about this, the more it became jumbled in her head.  Maybe she was overreacting; maybe John just did realize he needed to go home.   Maybe she was just so used to dealing with problems and expecting the worst that she was seeing things that weren’t even there?

 

She wanted to believe it so badly.  She loved him so much that it hurt to not have him there by her side.  The thought that he didn’t want to be with her was almost too painful to bear, as though her heart was being crushed in a vice.  Because if he didn’t want to be with her, then it must be her fault, and she couldn’t contemplate that, couldn’t live with that knowledge right now.  Because it was too dangerous, too close to the loss and grief that she had already suffered for too long.  Too much like history repeating itself.

 

“Yes, that must be it,” she whispered as she rubbed her stomach in gentle circular motions, “it’s just me imagining things, that’s all.  Why on earth would John not want stay, but for Kristen?” 

 

But as for Eugene, that was an entirely different matter.  Try as she might to deny it, the fact that there was something very wrong was irrefutable.  And that was just something she was going to have to tackle.  She would have to *make* him tell her what was going on.  And the sooner the better.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 107 – Nuances

 

 

Kristen sat on the sofa with a scowl on her face as she watched Maya cleaning the kitchen counter.  G*d, she loathed that woman already.  After how many days? 

 

Every time she turned around, she found the nurse’s velvety eyes boring into her, detailing her every move as she made it.  And Lord forbid she wanted to go out.  Apparently, that was a federal crime because at this rate she hadn’t been able to get past the door without being waylaid by her erstwhile jailer.

 

Her lips twisted into a sneer as the raven-haired woman turned her back and rinsed the cloth in the sink.  Kristen bet St. Marlena would just *love* Maya.  The two had so much in common after all.  Neither had a life to speak of and what little they did have was spent trying to make *her* life a misery.

 

With a martyred sigh, she pulled a plastic bag towards her and pulled out the newest pile of baby clothes that had arrived from one of the numerous catalogue orders she had made.  Maybe if she ignored the nurse, the witch would forget she was there and go and pluck her nose hairs or something.  One could always hope.

 

Her itemizing of the clothes was suspended as she heard the soft thud of John’s feet as they hit the stairs on the way down.  Turning around, she saw him pulling on a t-shirt over his freshly showered torso and her heart jumped as she saw his chest.  She just wanted to be able to run her hands over that beautifully defined chest, to have him kiss her like he used to and call her baby.

 

But right now, he was like a stranger.  He hardly even looked her, much less touched her.  And he slept in the spare room, saying that it was for the safety of the baby that she needed to sleep well.  And so, she slept, alone and unsure.  Because if he wanted to be with her, why did his every look, every movement say that he did not want to be anywhere near her?

 

Marlena Evans, her mind screamed at her like a demented banshee.  You know he loves Marlena.  He’s always loved Marlena.  You are only here now because of the baby, because he’s afraid of losing it.  He couldn’t care less if he lost you.

 

“Hi honey,” she said carefully, not allowing the inner mayhem she felt to spill over into her words.

 

“Hi Kristen,” he answered abstractedly as he passed her on his way to the coffee machine. 

 

He had not slept well after making it home and falling into the spare bed.  Every time he had closed his eyes, he had been haunted by the visions from his dreams.  Visions that reminded him all too succinctly of what he had seen that inauspicious night.  Visions that his mind seemed to embellish of its own accord until he had no choice but to open his eyes in order to banish the demons.

 

“You were home awfully late last night baby,” Kristen had pushed herself off the couch and was moving up behind him.  Her words were quiet, but they were barbed with suspicion and provocation.  “I got up at 1am and you weren’t anywhere to be seen.”

 

John poured himself a lukewarm coffee and turned around to face the lanky blonde.

 

“Sorry ‘bout that, baby,” he said without a hint of guile, “I had a business dinner that went very late.  By the time I thought about calling you, it was too late, and I thought you’d probably be in bed.”

 

“You should have called anyway John,” Kristen pouted.  “You know how I worry.”

 

“I know, honey,” he managed a smile as he caught her hand in his.  Just the feel of her skin made his crawl and he wondered how he ever could have loved this scheming reptile.  “I’m sorry, I promise I will do in future.”  He held her to him, grimacing as Maya caught his glance and rolled her almond-colored eyes. 

 

The pungent aroma of Kristen’s perfume invaded his nostrils as she pressed herself close to him, snaking her arms around his waist as he tried to keep from sneezing.  She moved her lips close to his ear and blew gently.

 

“Do you think maybe you could spend the day here with me?” she coaxed in a manner meant to charm him into agreeing.  John tried to suppress the shudder that ripped through him at her touch.  “It gets *so* lonely in this *big* apartment.”

 

John felt one of her hands slide down across his butt as her lips murmured against his skin.  G*d part of him just wanted to tell her to go to hell, that he never wanted to see her again let alone spend time with her.  She was the lowest excuse for a human being he had encountered, save her ‘father’, and here he was, having to endure her pathetic ploys to hold onto him.

 

Holding her in his arms, having to suffer her affection was akin to sacrilege of his love and memories of Marlena.  He somehow felt defiled, less worthy of her, knowing that he had made love to this….. this DiMera protégé.  If the good Lord had sat down to devise a punishment worthy of his crimes, He couldn’t have found one more appropriate or more tortuous for John than this.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart,” he pushed her away and held her at arm’s length, hoping his relief translated into a look that approximated sincerity, “I made arrangements to go up and see Carrie this morning.”

 

“Well I can come with you,” she said hopefully, catching his hand in hers, “You know how much I love Carrie.  I’d love to see her.”

 

“No, Kristen,” he shook his head and squeezed her fingers before dropping her hand and hoping it wasn’t too obvious.  “You have to rest, and it could be upsetting seeing Carrie.”  He frowned.  “Apparently she’s not doing too well, and I don’t want to put you through that kind of upsetting trip.”

 

“It’ll be okay John,” Kristen looked earnest, “I can handle it.  I really want to go.”

 

“No,” John shook his head again and picked his cup up from the counter, draining it in a single movement.  “I want you to stay here and rest.  It wouldn’t be good to be halfway to the sanitarium and have you go into labor now would it?”  He raised his brows.  “I have my cell phone and you can call me if you need me, okay?”

 

He leaned over and pressed a dry kiss to Kristen’s forehead.

 

“You’re going now?” she squeaked.

 

“Yup,” he nodded, tossing his keys in the air on the way to collect his jacket.  “I’ll see you both later.”  His eyes swept from Kristen to Maya, and she gave him a nod in the affirmative.

 

“Good luck,” she added.

 

“Thanks,” he frowned.  I think I might well need it.

 

Kristen’s lips were pinched as she watched him slide the loft door closed behind him.  There was something wrong.  She couldn’t quite lay her finger on what it was, but something was definitely wrong. 

 

The baby kicked within her, and she glowered as the nurse looked at her questioningly.  Whatever that something wrong was, it was likely to do with one person.  And Kristen intended to find out what the hell ‘Saint’ Marlena Evans was up to now.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena smoothed the yellow sundress over the round swelling that her unborn child made inside her.  As with Belle, she wasn’t yet large for six months along, but unlike with her last pregnancy, she seemed to be growing very fast.  Some mornings she woke up and it was almost like she had grown overnight.  It was more likely that the baby had shifted slightly so that she was carrying more forward, but it was still quite a strange feeling.  She made a mental note to ask the doctor about it when she saw him this afternoon as she clipped on her earrings.  She was sure it was nothing to worry about, but better to be safe than sorry.

 

The quiet click of her sandals against her heels broke the silence as she descended to the living room.  It was tranquil, as Sami had come by to pick up the children earlier to take them to Shawn and Caroline’s.  She missed the children when they weren’t here, but Marlena did like this time alone in her place.

 

She went to the window and opened the door out onto the balcony.  It was warm out and she took a deep breath, relishing the sweet, earthy smell of summer in the air.  She had briefly thought about going into work early as she had vowed and getting her paperwork out of the way.  But since she and John had decided that this morning they would go and see Carrie, it hardly seemed worth it to go in for a couple of hours.  A day off would surely do her good anyway.

 

“Marlena,” Q’s voice behind her startled her slightly and she jumped.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you.”

 

“That’s okay Gene,” she replied carefully as she turned around.  His outstretched hand offered her a cup of tea and she gratefully took it.  “Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome,” he answered stiffly.

 

There was an awkward pause as they regarded each other, doing an invisible dance of maybes and what if’s.

 

“Marlena-”

 

“Gene-”  They started simultaneously and then broke into nervous laughter.

 

“I’m sorry,” Eugene looked at his tea and then up at her.  “I’m sorry I ran out on you last night.  I…..” he swallowed as he remembered how beautiful she had looked.  “I wasn’t expecting you to be there.  I…I didn’t know how to deal with those feelings….” he turned away from her abruptly, his face burning.  He didn’t know why he had felt the need to say that, why he felt the need to say anything at all.  This was ridiculous, it wasn’t going to make anything better, it was just going to screw things up even more.  He loved her so much it was like a pain that seared his heart whenever he saw her.  He couldn’t even imagine waking up one day and knowing he would never see her face again.  But that’s what he faced if he went back to the Continuum.

 

But would that be any worse than this?  This agony that stripped the fragile scar tissue away from his emotions every time he laid his eyes on her?  He had no answer to that question.  Only yet more questions.

 

“Gene,” her voice was tender and concerned and it just made things worse, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt her hand on his shoulder.  “Gene I understand.  Just please tell me what I can do to make things easier for you.”

 

Her heart ached for him, for the pain she had inflicted on him.  She didn’t understand why this had suddenly flared up again, he had seemed okay with it, resigned but okay when John was in the hospital.  But now it was like he was undergoing some monumental struggle that she could only sense but not understand.  And she didn’t have a clue what to do.

 

“Nothing,” he croaked, pulling away from her.  “There’s nothing anybody can do.”

 

“Marlena, do you have any sewing stuff?” Lucie came down the steps two at a time, a scrap of fabric in her hand.

 

“Uh, sewing?” Marlena’s brows knitted as she tried to clear her head.

 

“Yeah, I tore the strap on my nightgown the other night and I wanted to mend it,” she held up the nightgown, a flimsy piece of lavender silk, “I’d be ever so grateful being that it’s my favorite and all.”

 

“What a shame,” Marlena inspected the torn fabric and Q had a flash of the liquid silk shimmying over her soft curves.  Turning away from the two women, he gritted his teeth as he held onto the doorframe, his head swimming. 

 

“Let me see what I can find…..”  Marlena’s voice filtered into his head and then he was aware that she was gone, and Lucie was standing behind him.

 

“You okay?” she asked innocently.

 

“Fine,” he spat it out between clenched teeth.

 

“Are you sure?” Lucie leaned against the doorframe of the open door next to him and looked out over Salem, “you seem kinda tense.”

 

“I have a lot on my mind,” Q noticed that the knuckles holding onto the doorframe were white and he made a conscious effort to relax.

 

“I’ve noticed things are kinda…. uh… awkward,” Lucie offered, her green eyes glinting as the morning sun struck them.  Q could have been mistaken but he thought he saw a hint of amusement in them.  “Why do you stay here if it’s that difficult for you to see her with him?”

 

He blinked rapidly and looked at her curiously.

 

“Well, she might not see it,” Lucie shrugged, “maybe she doesn’t want to see it.  But it’s as plain as the nose on your face to me….” she leaned her head on one side, flaxen hair swinging in the slight breeze.  “So why *do* you stay?”

 

“I have no choice,” he said in a flat voice.

 

“No choice?” the young woman seemed surprised, “I would have thought everyone had a choice when the problem was affecting their lives that much.  I mean I know about the whole deal with you pretending to be the proud daddy and all, not that I get that, but whatever….” she pursed her lips and tapped her fingernail against the pane of glass behind her.  “But let’s face it, you’re hardly going to convince people you’re madly in love when you can’t even look at her, are you?”

 

“She needs me,” his voice was hoarse as he turned back to the living room, eyeing the landing as though he expected Marlena to materialize there any moment, “I can’t let her down.”

 

“Excuse me for saying so,” Lucie’s soft southern drawl became more pronounced, “but you don’t seem to be much use to her at all in this state.  You’re only causing her more stress.”

 

Q turned back to her; his mouth frozen into a rictus of a smile.  This woman was seriously starting to get on his nerves.

 

“Thank you for your concern,” he said firmly, “but I think this is my business and I would like it to remain that way.”

 

“Suit yourself,” Lucie shrugged diffidently and pushed herself from the doorway.  “But I think y’all need to get yourselves sorted out before this becomes a major problem.”

 

Q watched her saunter to the staircase and then she turned around to look at him.  Flicking the fluid length of silk over her shoulder, she shot him a wink and then headed up the stairs. 

 

He shook his head.  That was all he needed to deal with, a nosy nanny.  He watched her disappear into the corridor that led to the bedrooms and then turned back to the balcony.  As much as she made him uneasy, she was right, they did need to get this sorted out or it was going to mean very big trouble for all of them.

 

 

*****

 

 

“If she so much as lays a *finger* on him,” Kristen dragged the phone with her as she paced in an awkward waddle across the floor.

 

“Calm down Krissy,” Peter’s voice intoned on the other end of the line.  “You don’t even know that she has seen him.”

 

“Well, has she?” Kristen demanded.  “I mean you are the one that has tails on the b*tch, Peter.  You tell me, has she seen him?”

 

“No,” Peter was almost surprised that he could lie so bald-facedly to his sister.  But her sanity was at stake at here and he would not risk it.  He wouldn’t risk the repercussions that might happen if she found out the truth either.  He didn’t want the blood of Marlena Evans on his hands, however much she had hurt Kristen.  “No, John hasn’t seen her since the night of the party at the Brady Pub.”

 

He winced as he said the words.  Not only had Marlena Evans seen him, but John had spent the night with her that night.  And then there was their little ‘picnic’ yesterday. Not exactly discreet.  But to tell Kristen that would be as good as signing a death warrant for Marlena, and Peter wouldn’t let his sister go through that.  Marlena and John might even deserve it, but Kristen’s baby needed a mother and Peter was damned if he would let Kristen throw that away.  And so, he lied.  To save them all.

 

“So he’s….he’s not seeing her?”  Kristen sounded broken as her righteous anger shattered and she let herself fall onto the bed.

 

“No Krissy,” Peter prayed he was doing the right thing, “he’s telling you the truth.  He’s on the way to see Carrie, by himself.”

 

“Oh,” she stared at the ceiling, her scrambled mind trying to piece itself back together.  “Oh well then, in that case why don’t you come over here and take me to lunch.  If that wretched nurse tries to feed me one more of her home cooked dishes of crap, I think I’ll force feed it back to her.  And not through her mouth.”

 

“Krissy,” Peter shook his head.

 

“I’m serious Peter,” she rolled over on her side and checked out her nails as though there were nothing more serious on her mind than whether she needed a manicure, “she’s driving me f**king crazy.  I have to get out of here and I want you to help me.”

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena looked at her watch and then at Eugene.  He stood out on the patio; his hands planted firmly on the railing of the balcony.  Her shoulders slumped as she watched him.  She felt so helpless, so powerless to be able to do anything for him.  She wanted so badly to see him smile again, to see the sweet, gentle, funny Eugene that she adored.  She wanted so badly to believe that he was hidden in there, protected by the angry, bitter shell that he had cultivated, it seemed, just for her.

 

He turned around and found that she was looking at him and even behind the window she could see his face harden.  She had thought before that they were getting somewhere, that he was beginning to open up to her.  But now it seemed, they were right back at the start.

 

What had she said, what had she done to make him so angry at her?  He had talked about feelings.  What feelings?  The feelings he still had for her?  She understood that pain; she knew how hard it was to see the person you cared about with someone else.  But this was Eugene.  The Eugene she knew would usually hide that; do his best to pretend that everything was all right, that he was perfectly happy.

 

No, there was something more.  Something that made him turn away from her, something that made him unable to look her in the eyes.  Something that made him frustrated and angry.  Something that hurt and scared her.

 

She shook her head; the answer was probably perfectly obvious but she suspected she was just too close to the situation to be able to see it clearly.  What with this and John’s sudden withdrawal last night along with the Kristen situation and Carrie’s illness, she felt thoroughly overwhelmed and she wasn’t sure she would be able to see the truth right now even if it was hitting her over the head.

 

Her heart felt as though it were beating in her throat as he came to the doorway and looked at her.  Suddenly she was frightened of what he might say.  She didn’t know if she could get through these next few weeks on her own, even if he was hardly talking to her, just his presence was a comfort, and she didn’t want to lose that.

 

“Hi,” she said quietly as he came over to her.

 

“I thought John was supposed to be picking you up,” his coldness made her ache and she suddenly felt dizzy.  He must have seen it in her face because a look of concern replaced the hardness that had been there earlier.

 

“Marlena are you all right?” his hand reached out to catch hers as she steadied herself against the chest behind her.

 

“Gene,” she took a deep breath willing the giddiness to recede.  It did, after a moment, but she didn’t let go of his hand.  “I’m fine, but obviously you’re not.  Now please, I want to know what’s going on.  I don’t care what it is, I want you to tell me.”

 

 

Neither of them heard the knock at the door, but Lucie, who was watching them with open curiosity, did, and she made her way to the door and opened it.

 

“Well, hi there,” her hand went to her hip as she leaned against the door.  “I was wonderin’ when you were gonna turn up.”

 

John looked a little confused as he regarded the girl.  He’d met her several times now, but she was acting awfully familiar for a nanny.

 

“I’m afraid Marlena’s just a little tied up at the moment,” she shrugged one shoulder with a quirky smile.  With her blonde hair and shirt knotted over close fitting jeans, the green-eyed beauty looked like she had walked straight off the ranch.  But there was more to her than sweet southern innocence.  John suspected that Lucie hadn’t been innocent for quite some time.  “Serious stuff.”

 

She nodded in the direction of Marlena and Eugene and John’s eyes followed her motion.  His heart lurched in the direction of his stomach when he saw Marlena’s earnest expression as she held Q’s hand in hers.  Eugene was saying something to her that John couldn’t hear and then it seemed as though Marlena was arguing with him.

 

John clenched his fist unconsciously as he tried to resist the urge to stalk over there and flatten Eugene Bradford.  He was obviously still very important to Marlena, or she wouldn’t be getting so upset, that much was obvious.  And John wasn’t sure how to deal with that.  Exactly *how* important was he? 

 

John knew that the jealousy he was feeling was irrational.  Marlena loved him; she had chosen him.  But still, the sight of the two of them chafed the scabs off his insecurities and left them raw and weeping.  And left John defenseless against the surge of pain that inundated his senses.

 

“I don’t know why he just doesn’t move out,” Lucie fluttered her lashes as she leaned back lazily watching as John’s face betrayed his mind as it stumbled belatedly to catch her words.  “I mean, he’s so obviously still got the hots for her.  It must be hell for him, poor guy.”  She looked at John with a hint of admiration.  “Y’all must trust Q an awful lot.”  Her mouth twitched as she saw the muscle go crazy in John’s cheek.  I know what *you’re* thinking John-Boy.

 

Before John could reply, she gave a graceful cat-like curl of her arm and called out to the others.

“Yoo-hoo!” she grinned widely.  “I’m goin’ out so I’ll see y’all later.  Have fun!”  She waited long enough to see the look of surprise register on Marlena and Eugene’s faces as they saw John standing there and then she slipped from the room and closed the door quietly behind her.

 

“John,” Marlena’s hands suddenly felt clammy as she looked at him and her pulse beat high in her throat.  “You’re…. I didn’t expect you here this early.”

 

“I had to get out of the loft,” John stepped into the living room trying to behave as normally as he possibly could.  The last thing he wanted to do right now was have a fight with Marlena about Eugene in front of the man.  He had vowed on his way over here that he would make last night up to her.  This wasn’t a very good way to start.  At least if they were going to discuss this, they could do it in private.

 

“Kristen was making noises about coming to see Carrie with me.  I had to split before she could trick me into taking her with me.”

 

“Oh,” Marlena managed a smile and relaxed a little.  “Yeah, I could see where that would make you want to get out.”

 

“You have *no* idea Doc.”  The thought of having Kristen tagging along was enough to make the jealousy he was currently feeling fade momentarily into insignificance and he grinned with the relief as he pulled Marlena into his arms.

 

Taking full advantage of the interruption, Q edged away from the couple.  “Uh, I have some things to do,” he muttered, “have a nice time.  I’ll see you later.”

 

Marlena took in a breath to say something, but feeling John’s arms tighten around her, she thought better of it and simply nodded as he headed for the stairs.  He obviously didn’t want to talk to her, but she would get to the bottom of this, and she wanted to make sure it was sooner rather than later.  Before things got any worse between them.  Before she lost his friendship completely.

 

When he had gone, Marlena turned her full attention to John.

 

“I’m glad you’re here,” she whispered, her forearms soft against his neck.  “I was lonely when you left last night.”

 

“I’m sorry about that, baby,” he caressed the golden hair from the side of her face and laid a gentle kiss where his fingers had just brushed her soft cheek.  “I didn’t mean to be so abrupt with you.  Please forgive me.”

“You’re forgiven,” she nodded, a whisper of a smile on her lips.  “Was everything all right?”

 

“She noticed I was late coming in,” John shrugged.  “I told her I had a business dinner.”

 

“And she believed you?” Marlena tilted her head back, trying to read the expression in his sky-blue eyes.

 

“She seemed to,” he lifted his hands and framed Marlena’s face with wide, strong palms.  “I don’t want to talk about Kristen, Doc.”

 

With soft lips, he kissed her, inhaling her scent and concentrating on how her skin felt against his.  But the moment he closed his eyes, he saw her with Eugene, the other man’s arms wrapped around her on the dance floor, and his eyes flew open.

 

“John?” Marlena didn’t ask the question, but he heard it anyway.  What’s wrong?

 

“I think we should go now.”  His hands dropped and he turned away from her, ignoring the mystification in her eyes.

 

“If you want to,” she said quietly, unsure of how to handle this.  The churning in her stomach was enough to tell her she had been wrong last night and there was more to this than she wanted to admit.  She felt breathless as she anticipated his answer, too afraid to contemplate anything beyond the immediate concern.

 

“I want to,” he nodded, his eyes searching the pictures on the dresser for an answer he knew didn’t exist.  He had to get out of here, get away from these thoughts, before they drove him crazy.  Before he did something stupid.

 

 

It was in the car that Marlena finally mustered up the courage to say something.  John’s silence was upsetting and frustrating and nothing that she had said, no small talk had managed to draw him out of himself.  She didn’t understand the sudden mood swing, it was as though one moment he was happy and at ease, and the next Mr. Hyde had taken over.  Was it something she had done?  Unknowingly said?  Whatever it was, she couldn’t fix it until she knew about it.  And the only way she could find out what it was, was to make him tell her.

 

“John?” she started cautiously, unsure how to frame her question.

 

“Mmmm-hmmm?”  He seemed preoccupied with the lakeside scenery.

 

“Honey, I don’t want to pry….” she could feel her heart pounding in her chest and the baby fluttered momentarily inside of her.  “But,” she paused and steadied herself, “obviously something is wrong.  I wish that you’d tell me what it is.”

 

“Nothing’s wrong Doc,” John kept his eyes on the road as he spat out the lie.  Nothing’s wrong except that I can’t forget and forgive.  *Me* of all people.  The little devil on his shoulder laughed at him.  Pathetic.  Can’t even take a little competition.  You who hasn’t had any shortage of women to use and throw over just because you couldn’t have Marlena.

 

“Don’t give me that John,” he could hear pain and hostility in her voice, and it made his mouth go dry.  “You left me last night, hardly saying a word and now you’re a million miles away.”  She fiddled with the fastening on the front of her bag and John could almost sense her insecurity before she spoke.  “I’m not stupid John, please don’t patronize me.  Was it something I said?  Something I did?  Because if it is, please tell me and….” she shook her head and turned away, silently damning herself for the tears that welled out of nowhere and trickled over her cheeks.

 

“Oh sweetheart, no!”  John could have kicked himself for upsetting her like this.  This was the last thing she needed right now, especially with the visit to Carrie being so potentially stressful.  Reaching over, he covered her hand with his and squeezed her fingers.  “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to make you think that you had done something.”

 

“Well then what *is* going on John?” she brushed the tears from her cheeks angrily.  “I can’t take this walking around on eggshells, wondering where your mood is going to swing next.  It’s making me crazy.  Please,” she begged with a broken voice, “please just talk to me.”

 

“It’s Kristen,” he sighed, hoping that he sounded convincing.  Maybe she was right, and he should just tell her the truth.  But how petty did the truth sound?  I’m sorry Marlena, I’m really jealous of the fact that you slept with Eugene, and I can’t bear seeing the two of you together.  No.  He could deal with this.  He could get past it if only he could stop dwelling on it.  “I’m getting the feeling she’s suspicious of me being out all the time Doc.  She keeps on questioning me and you know how sneaky she is.  If she suspects something is up….” he slid his fingers between hers, linking them together.  “I’m sorry, baby, it’s been weighing on my mind, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

 

Marlena looked over at him, her hazel eyes flickering over his face, appraising his words.  He seemed to have relaxed a little, his hand wasn’t gripping the steering wheel so tightly and the lines around his eyes were etched a little less deeply.

 

Was that really all it was?  Concern around Kristen not believing him?  She didn’t want to disbelieve him, and she supposed it did make sense.  After everything that he had been through, neither of them wanted anything to go wrong.  She knew John, knew how deeply he felt the responsibility to her and the children.  It was one of the reasons she loved him so deeply.  Of course it would make him tense and uneasy if he thought there was any threat to their safety.  And he had just been talking about Kristen earlier when he had gone so quiet.

 

Allowing herself a small smile, she let her muscles relax, uncoiling her legs from under her and stretching them out as much as she could in the cab of the Jeep.

 

“Well, it can’t be long now,” she noticed the sun reflecting off the water and smiled as images of their picnic yesterday interrupted her train of thought fleetingly.  “I mean, she’s past due.  She could go into labor at any moment.”

 

“Yeah, but nothing about this pregnancy is normal Doc, you know that.”  He loosened his fingers from hers.  “I don’t think, knowing what we do, that I’d like to lay bets on anything to do with that baby.”

 

“Mmmmm, I guess so,” Marlena felt the baby she carried move again, restless in its watery haven and she lifted John’s hand to her belly.

 

“Belle felt the baby kick for the first time this morning,” a peaceful, joyous smile spread across her face.  The thought of her beloved children could always make her smile, no matter what the situation.

 

“What did she say?” the delight on John’s face reflected hers as he tried to imagine his Belle baby’s reaction.

 

“She wanted to know how it got in there,” a slight flush rose in Marlena’s cheek, “and then she wanted to know if it was a baby brother or a sister.  So, I told her we didn’t know.”

 

“And she wanted to know why we didn’t know right?” John’s palm rested on the hard mound under the cotton of Marlena’s sundress.  He could feel the gentle prods against his hand, and it filled him with pleasure

 

“Right,” Marlena nodded, covering his hand with her own, the coarse hair rough and familiar against her skin.  Her heart filled with joy, she loved him *so* much.  She didn’t want this feeling to ever end.  “When I told her that we couldn’t see the baby to be able to tell if it was a boy or a girl, she decided that Gene would know so she started the ‘why’ torture with him.”

 

She started to laugh, but the happy noise was curtailed as she felt John’s hand stiffen beneath hers.  She swallowed compulsively as he pulled his hand away jerkily and placed it back on the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening.  Her eyes floated to his face, and she saw the telltale twitch of the muscles in his jaw.  It was as though for a moment; everything was in slow motion as understanding came to her.

 

So, this wasn’t about Kristen then.  Her heart sank as she asked herself the question that had lain dormant for the last few days.  The one that she had been avoiding for fear of the answers she might find. 

 

Was that what all this was about?  Eugene?  Because if it was, this was going to be more difficult than she had anticipated….

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 108 – Sanitarium Blues

 

 

Marlena shielded her eyes as she looked out of the car window.  It was summer at last and the sun colored everything so that it shone with a sparkling golden tinge. 

 

The lushness of the lakeside vegetation was more luxuriant than she remembered and with her window open she could hear the sweet trill of summer birds, thrush, jay and larks all competing for attention.  And yet, she couldn’t share in their urgent joy.  She had darker things on her mind.  Betrayal.  Fear.

 

Eugene?   She glanced across at the still, silent John, her stomach flipping as she did so.  Surely, he wasn’t still angry over Eugene?  After what he’d said to her at the loft, she thought he’d said all he had to say.  She thought that when she’d explained it to him, he had accepted that her affair with Gene was something that had happened because she needed it.  To survive, to stay sane.

 

That wasn’t to say that she didn’t know how much it hurt.  On the contrary, she knew only too well.  And it broke her heart that she had hurt John in that way.  She wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on her worst enemy.  Well maybe Kristen…..  She turned her head, expelling the thought with the violence of a jarring shake.  This wasn’t about revenge.  This was about moving beyond the past and building a future.  Together.

 

She wanted so badly to make this work, to be happy and content with John, maybe she wasn’t seeing the signs.  Obviously, he was having some difficulty, but why wasn’t he talking to her about it?  They had promised to be honest with each other, knowing that that was the only way they could make their relationship work.  So why was he holding back from her now?  She had thought that he understood that she and Eugene were just friends, but now she wasn’t sure of anything.  She wasn’t sure what he was thinking or how to reassure him.  How *could* she be if he wouldn’t talk to her?  Wouldn’t give her a chance to help him with his pain?

 

But even as the fragments of shattered thoughts and emotions trickled through her mind, her conscience gnawed at her reasoning.  Although she tried to tell herself that they had dealt with it, had they *really*?  Sure, they had approached it, both in the heat of anger and heartache, both slinging barbs to score points, to wound, as they felt wounded.  But they had never sat down calmly and voiced their reasons and their suffering rationally.  They had never come to any conclusion, never closed the book on the issue.  *She* might have felt that she had said what she had to say, but she couldn’t say for sure that John had had his chance to do the same.  Clearly not, looking at him now.  Cataloguing past hurts was not likely to help either of them, but this was a matter that evidently needed to be discussed.  She had to make John understand, to try and accept what had happened and let it go.

 

She could feel her throat constricting as she tried to form questions in her mind.  John, is it Eugene that’s upsetting you?  What we did?  Do you think…. are you worried it’s not….  Her eyes felt dry and scratchy as she turned back to the window.  She had known it would be difficult, that they would have to work to get over what had happened between them.  She hadn’t been that naïve to think that it would all just go away.

 

Had she?

 

Her hands curled into balls in her lap as she contemplated the turns the conversation might take.  The hurts it might dredge up; pain remembered; anger still harbored.  Of course, if it was painful for her to think about Kristen obviously it was going to be painful for him too.  Just because he had done it first didn’t make it any less difficult, any less of a betrayal.

 

The sunlight bounced off the water, flashing in her eyes, a myriad of dancing rays scattered across the surface of the lake.  Blinking from the dazzling aquatic firework display, she fixed her eyes on the road ahead.  However difficult and painful it might be, they did need to confront this, to talk about it. 

 

She could understand John’s reluctance to broach the subject.  He obviously felt that there was strength in silence.  But her years of training and experience told her otherwise.  This was clearly getting worse the more he tried to hold it inside.  His increasing silence and distance from her made that evident, if nothing else.

 

But they were also almost at the hospital, and this was not the time or the place.  Neither of them needed the tension of an argument on top of seeing Carrie.  They had to concentrate on her right now.  The matter of Eugene would have to wait until later.

 

John could feel the churning in his stomach as Marlena sat silently alongside him.  Looking out of her window she seemed to be oblivious to his turbulent emotions.  Maybe it was just as well.  Because he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to throw up or scream at her.

 

It wasn’t that he wanted to feel this way.  That he wanted to feel this jealousy that simmered angrily through him every time Eugene Bradford’s name slipped from her lips.  He simply couldn’t help it.  And G*d, he was trying to help it.  He loved her more than life itself, he didn’t want to hurt her.  And that was why this was so hard.

 

Because while he didn’t want her to know the turmoil that he was suffering, part of him did want her to know, wanted her to acknowledge it and the way that she had hurt him.  Maybe it was selfish of him, but he was so torn over this he wanted at least to know that she could look into his eyes and see that, understand that.

 

And her silence was nothing but more torture.

 

 

With a crackling of gravel, the Jeep rolled to a halt.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Marlena asked softly.

“Yeah,” John nodded, only emphasizing the terseness of his reply.  Marlena’s chest tightened as she saw the aching void that lay trapped behind his indigo eyes.

“All right then,” her voice held calm as she reached for the door handle.

 

 

She felt more composed as they neared Carrie’s room.  Hopefully this visit would take John’s mind off Eugene sufficiently that he would let his guard slip a little.  Then she could approach the question, hopefully without making things too much worse.

 

She reached instinctively for John’s hand as the doctor ahead of them curled his fingers around the door handle.  Gratified to find that John’s fingers grasped hers almost eagerly, she gave his hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance.  He turned piercing blue eyes on her, seeking comfort in the face of the unknown that lay behind the door.  She leant him her strength with a smile that echoed in her eyes like rich amber.

 

“Don’t expect any response from Carrie,” the doctor was saying.  “We have therapists working with her daily but she cannot or will not respond.”

 

“Perhaps she doesn’t have any reason to respond?” John raised his eyebrows.  “She just lost her husband, that can be pretty hard to deal with.”

 

“I’m sure it can,” the doctor replied, not caring to hide the patronizing edge to his voice.  “It is something we have considered.  We are treating Carrie to the best of our abilities, I assure you.”

 

“We weren’t questioning your professional approach,” Marlena’s words were meant to reassure but they were colored with restrained coldness, giving indication of her anger at the doctor’s dismissal.  “We are simply worried about our daughter.”

 

“Of course, Dr. Evans,” the doctor lifted bristly eyebrows, peppered with grey, but it was transparent that he was less concerned with what Marlena and John thought of him than he was about being able to get on his way.  “I’ll leave you with Carrie.  Please call the nurse if you need anything.”

 

He twisted the knob beneath gnarled fingers and with a muted click the door sprang open.

 

“Thank you for your time,” Marlena couldn’t check the sarcasm that seeped between her words as she watched the doctor walk away.  However, her attention quickly switched to John as he stood silently before the ajar door, gripping her hand as if it were some kind of lifeline.

 

It was a moment before he saw Carrie, but when he did, a cold shiver ran through him.  Carrie stared at him with hard jade-colored eyes as she opened her purse.  Deliberately, she drew out a small pistol before dropping the purse on the floor.  The mother of pearl handle was cool against her palm as she trained it on her target.

 

John could hear his heart pounding in his ears as the memory crashed over him like a breaking wave.  For a moment it was so vivid that it overpowered his senses and he momentarily felt as though he was there, at the Grill, staring into eyes that were both Carrie’s and those of a stranger.  He could hear the collective intake of breath from the gathered crowd, and he could see the light flash off the smooth metal of the gun barrel as Carrie trained it on him.

 

He hadn’t had such a clear memory of the party and what had happened before now, and even though he had half expected it, the anguish of the emotions it aroused were enough to leave him breathless.

 

Literally shaking, he stumbled backwards a step, gasping to catch his breath.

 

“Shhh honey,” Marlena was at his back, her hand still wrapped around his, her free one on his shoulder.  “It’s okay, what you’re feeling is perfectly natural.”

 

Her voice was quiet and soothing, and her touch seemed to infuse him with some calm.  It was that wonderful effect she had on him, that just by being near, she could bring him peace and happiness, no matter what the situation.

 

Turning to her, taking strength from her simply being, his thumb drifted across one smooth cheek.

“I love you,” he whispered softly.

“I love you too,” tears filled her eyes as she looked up at him, remembering suddenly and almost too vividly how close she had come to losing him.  Any problems they might have seemed very surmountable in the light of that retrospection.

 

John squeezed his eyes tightly closed his eyes tightly as the memory of Carrie holding the gun washed over him once again.

 

He stood frozen as he contemplated Carrie, the small-caliber pistol trained on him with unerring accuracy.

“Carrie, punkin,” he whispered desperately, “you don’t wanna do this baby.”

“*Shut* up,” she hissed as she clicked the safety off. 

 

Seeing the pain on his face, Marlena pulled him close, wrapping her arms tightly around him, steadying him.  She knew him so well, knew the tightening of his body under her fingers and the distress it betrayed.

 

“It’s okay baby,” she whispered as her fingers brushed lightly over his soft hair.  “Don’t fight it.  It’s just a memory.”  She felt John’s fingers clutch with desperation at the cotton lacing at the back of her dress and the tears that trickled over his cheeks were warm against her skin as she held him in her arms.

 

To John, she was a lifeline, the anchor that kept him pinned to this reality, kept him from being submerged in the emotion, in the memories.

 

Carrie.  His punkin’, his little girl.  How he loved her.  He could still see her golden tresses flashing in the sunlight as he swung her around at the playground.  It was years, but it seemed like only yesterday.  She was part of his heart, part of who he had become, and she always would be.

 

How can this be happening?  His memory pulled him back through the murkiness of forgotten agony, his eyes focused on her lips as she murmured softly under her breath.  And then – flashpoint.

 

   …..Noise….Chaos…..Agony…….

 

Oddly, the acrid smell of the gun stung his nose before he realized he had been hit, the searing pain in his shoulder worsening, his nerves tearing apart as the bullet buried itself deep in his shoulder, ripping through tender flesh with brutal swiftness.

 

Marlena’s arms tightened around him as he hid his face in the sweet, warm curve where her neck met her shoulder.  Memory merged with reality as images swam across the inkiness of his closed eyelids and she held him in her arms as he struggled to find a way back to her.

 

It seemed to him that it went on forever, even though it was surely only a few short seconds and John wondered disjointedly if he had ever been more grateful for the angel that held him in her arms.

 

To make it through this without her seemed utterly impossible.  She was his strength and his purpose.  She made him what he was, along with his children and gave him life and meaning.  Suddenly, he wondered how he had ever survived without her.  It must have been less than living, that was the only conclusion he could come to.

 

“I’m sorry Doc,” he said eventually as he moved back, wiping his face.

 

“Don’t ever apologize for feeling, John,” she removed the last stray tears with delicate fingers and searched his face with sincere eyes.  She loved this man so much and she couldn’t bear seeing him in pain.  But she knew that he had to face this to move beyond it and she had to be here with him to help him through it.

 

“You went through a terrible ordeal and the fact that it was at Carrie’s hands makes it far, far worse.”  Her fingers crept over John’s shoulder and arched around the warmth of his neck.  “I know how much you love her John,” her voice dropped to a whisper as she contemplated the plight of their sweet daughter, “it breaks my heart to see you have to go through this.  To see Carrie so broken.  To not understand what happened…” she shook her head fighting her own tears again.  “I’d give anything to not have to be here right now.”

 

“I know you would, baby,” John’s sapphirine eyes reflected her sorrow and he pulled her close, feeling the comfort of her body against his and the gentle curve where their child nestled within her.  With her at his side he felt as though he could conquer any fear, deal with any grief.   “It must have been just as bad for you, being there, seeing what was happening, having no control over it…”

 

“It was one of the worst moments of my life,” her voice was ragged as she pressed her cheek to his chest, taking comfort in the heart that beat solidly below the muscular warmth.  “I thought I was going to lose you before I could tell you…” her voice cracked and John bent his head to her golden locks, pressing his lips to their fragrant warmth.  Her voice was imbued with pure desperation as she relived those long, terrifying moments when he had hovered so close to death and her words wrapped around John’s soul, filling him with the pain she had suffered.  “I can’t live without you John.  I can’t ever do that again”

 

“You don’t have to,” John’s arms tightened around her, the devotion in his voice heart-rending, the need to make her believe him driving him close to tears again.   “You’ll never have to, baby, I promise that to you.  I’m lost without you.  There’s no point to anything unless you’re by my side.”

 

Lifting her chin with his fingers, his lips searched out hers, brushing gently across hot, moist skin.  Marlena moaned lightly, the passion of emotional desperation driving her actions as John’s mouth found hers, his lips crushing her reddened ones as his tongue slid between them.  Rough, calloused fingers laced between her long, slim ones and John’s other hand twisted tightly among loose flaxen coils of hair.  She felt John shudder against her as his tongue met hers, warm and intimate as he explored her mouth.  Marlena pressed her body against his in response to the scorching kiss, taken a little by surprise by the intensity and passion of it.

 

Finally, relinquishing each other with a touch of regret, they held each other for long moments until their emotion had subsided to a point where they both felt as though they could face the next step.

 

“Are you ready?” Marlena looked up at John with solemn eyes.

 

“Ready,” he nodded, loosening his grip on her but not breaking contact between them.  With a deep breath, he turned back to Carrie’s room and entered, Marlena right behind him.

 

Carrie was lying in a hospital bed, her skin ashen and almost translucent.  She was lying on her side, her legs curled up, arms splayed lifelessly against the coverlet of the bed.  Her eyes were open, but they stared blankly out of the window at the vibrant blue of the summer sky.  They were Carrie’s green eyes, but they were dulled with unexpressed grief and the Carrie they knew and loved was lost somewhere far behind them.

 

“Carrie?”  John’s voice was tremulous as he neared the young woman.  There was no response.  “Punkin’?” he felt like crying again as he reached out to cover her hand with his.  She was deathly still and pale, and her skin was cool to the touch.  It was as though her spirit had died and all that was left was this shell that looked like Carrie but was not Carrie.

 

“Will she get better Doc?” he asked in an anguished voice.

 

“We don’t know John,” she sat behind him on the bed, curling her arms around his middle and laying her chin on his shoulder.  “We just have no way of knowing.  It’s all up to Carrie now.”

 

John was silent as he took Carrie’s hand between his and lifted it.  Marlena watched with infinite love and quite some grief as he studied the petite hand engulfed in his.  He drew gentle, invisible lines over the young skin, memorizing the graceful sweep of long fingers, the elegant nails and the vague blue veins that lay beneath the bleached surface.

 

“Punkin’….” he pressed his lips together, “It’s John.”   He looked up, searching the walls for some clue what to say.  There was no hint but what lay in his heart.  “Baby, I don’t care what happened.  I don’t care what you did.  I just want you to come back to us.”  He closed his fingers around her lifeless hand, trying to infuse some warmth into the chilled fingers as he spoke, his voice cracking with the heartfelt pleas.  “Carrie, sweetheart, I promise you we’re going to find out what happened to you.  And we are going to put it right, baby.  Roman and I will make sure that he pays for hurting you.”  The tears came to his eyes again as he waited for the response that was not going to come.  “Punkin’, listen to me.  I need you to get better.  Marlena needs you to get better.  Sweetheart, you’re going to have a beautiful little baby in a few months.  That baby is going to need his momma.  You have to get better.”

 

Still there was no sign of recognition, no flicker of life in the dulled eyes.  Carrie stared without seeing; a breathing, functioning husk of a human being, life and soul locked somewhere inside, beyond reach.

 

“Sweetie girl, John is right,” Marlena’s voice sounded for the first time, her love for her stepdaughter evident, not in the least compromised by the events of the last few months.  “We love you so much.  You are our daughter as much as Roman and Anna’s, the child of our hearts.  We need for you to come back to us, baby girl.  We need to hear your laugh, to feel your arms around us.  Our lives are not complete without you.”

 

“Marlena and I are going to get married, Carrie,” John whispered, one of his hands covering Marlena’s.  “When our twinners are born, we are going to stand up in St. Luke’s and promise to love each other until time ends.  But we can’t do that without you there.  We need your love and your blessing to be truly happy.”

 

Marlena’s arms tightened around John’s waist as his words sank in.  Married.  Husband and wife, to be together, forever.  Her tears soaked into the shoulder of John’s white cotton t-shirt as she pressed her eyes closed for a long moment.

 

“Sweetie girl,” her voice was dry as she felt herself willing Carrie to blink or make some movement that would at least indicate that she knew they were there.  For John’s sake, for his sense of peace if nothing else.  “We love you so much.  We want you to get better and come back home.  You’re our girl, life isn’t the same without you….”

 

There was nothing, no sign, no indication.  Silence overlaid the quiet bustle of hospital life, the soft sounds of summer outside the window.  Empty, tragic silence.

 

John and Marlena sat with Carrie for what seemed like an interminable amount of time.  The minutes crawled by as they spoke gently to her, hoping, willing that spark of life to creep into her eyes.  But as the minutes passed, there was no answer to their pleas, no movement, no recognition.  Just mute, blind silence.

 

Then, finally, they knew it was time to leave. 

 

Exhausted, they stopped at the door and turned back to where Carrie lay in the same position she had been in when they had entered the room.

 

“Any time of the day or night, Punkin’,” John said quietly, tightening his arm around Marlena’s shoulder.  “We’re here if you need us.”

“Just call sweet girl,” Marlena wiped damp cheeks with trembling fingers.  “We love you.”

 

Too emotionally exhausted to talk, they walked, hand in hand down the corridor, lost in thought as they came to the sunny entrance to the hospital.

 

“I talked to Roman this morning,” John said finally as he opened the door for Marlena, “There are still no leads on what happened to Carrie.  Just that she disappeared for that time.  They still have no idea where she got to, or any evidence who took her.”  He squinted as the sun glared at them, its heat growing in intensity as time ticked inexorably towards midday.

 

“Well, maybe it wasn’t Stefano?” Marlena suggested hopefully.  After all, no one had heard from Stefano since Paris.  Was it unreasonable to assume that he had been killed in the cave-in in the tunnels as they had originally thought?  After all, Stefano was simply a human being.  His luck had to run out one day.  Maybe he had nine-lives, but surely, they had run out too.  She wanted to believe it so badly.  She had to believe it.  To think that he was still out there was almost too terrifying to comprehend.  That madman had all but destroyed her family and her life before.  And nothing but death would stop him from trying again.

 

“Of course it was Stefano Marlena!” John’s frustration exploded in his words.  “Who else would take Carrie and use her as a pawn against her own family?  That bastard left his fingerprints all over the place so that we would know.”

 

“But he’s never tried…. he’s never tried to kill you before…”

 

“Well, what in the hell was blowing up that warehouse if that wasn’t trying to kill me, Doc?”  John knew she didn’t want to believe Stefano was alive, but dammit, she had to accept it if they had a hope in hell of keeping her safe.  “All it means is the old man is getting desperate.  He won’t stop at anything, and we have to accept that and prepare for it.”

 

“No!” Marlena stamped her foot on the ground to gain his attention.  “NO John, I can’t accept that.”

 

“Look I know you don’t want to Marlena, but it’s a *fact*.  Stefano is out there somewhere.” He waved his hand in front of him with a foul grimace.  The depths of his hatred for Stefano knew no bounds.  The bastard had gone one step too far this time.  “He’s already tried once.  It’s just a matter of time before he tries again.”

 

“You don’t *know* that it’s a fact,” she argued desperately.  “You don’t *know* that.  It might have nothing to do with Stefano.  Don’t let your hatred for him blind you to that.”  She paused and glowered at him before starting towards the car.  She couldn’t reason with him in this mood and if she was honest, besides making her angry, he scared her when he was like this.  It was a side of him that she didn’t know and one that she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

 

She had hardly taken two steps when John caught her arm and pulled her around to face him.

“Look Marlena, you can be as stubborn as you like but if you want to keep our baby safe, you’d better consider the fact that it could very well be Stefano.  Just the chance is enough for me and should be for you too.  But I am telling you that I can feel it with every fiber in my body that Stefano is behind this.  And I am going to make that bastard pay for ever laying a hand on Carrie.  And for *ever* hurting you.”

 

Marlena wrenched her arm away from John, tears stinging her eyes as she tried not to let his words cut her.  She had just got him back, the thought of losing him again to Stefano DiMera was unconscionable.

 

“You just got out of hospital,” she said weakly, “please John, just leave the detective work to the police.”

 

“No way,” John shook his head angrily, focusing all of his anger and resentment on the phantom of DiMera.  “After what that old bastard did to you?  After he tried to use Belle to blackmail you to sleep with him?  No way Doc.  I’ll tear him limb from limb if he so much as comes within 10 miles of you or any of the children.  I *swear* that I will kill him.”

 

“No John,” she shook her head frantically.  She hadn’t seen him this furious in a long time and it terrified her.  “Please, please just let it go.  Don’t let this consume you.  It’s too dangerous.”

 

“Marlena, our girl is in there.  She might as well be dead for all the response we got from her.  DiMera *used* her to try and destroy the people she loves and he *shattered* her in the process.  It’s his *fault*.  Do you understand that?” 

 

His voice cracked as he argued with her, the pain of the guilt he felt seeping through his battered defenses.  Stefano had used Carrie, destroyed Carrie’s life, and taken Austin’s, all because of John, because of his need to make John suffer.  If he hadn’t been here, if he had never come into their lives, Carrie would still have her husband, their baby would have a father and a mother.  It would have a family to be born into.  But now, everything lay shattered.  Because of him. 

 

He couldn’t let that happen to his family again.  Couldn’t let Stefano’s obsession with destroying him harm his family.  He would die rather than see them hurt because of him.

 

“Of course I understand that,” her voice was harsh with unshed tears.  “But John, this crusade isn’t going to help her.  It isn’t going to make her healthy and whole again.”

 

“No, but it might stop her being hurt again Marlena.  Might save you or any of the children from being DiMera’s next target.”  His eyes were bright with pain as his conscious mind contemplated the nightmares that Stefano could inflict if he so desired.  “He knows my weaknesses Doc; he won’t hesitate to use them against me.  To use *you* against me.”

 

John could feel his pain and his fear mingling with an undercurrent of fury.  He was furious at her stubbornness and unwillingness to admit that DiMera was alive.  Her denial wasn’t just stupid, it was dangerous.  And he wasn’t about to risk losing her again.  He couldn’t do that.  At all costs, he had to make her believe that DiMera was alive and coming for her.  That was the only way John could ensure that she would be careful enough that she wouldn’t fall into Stefano’s hands again.  Because John wasn’t sure she was strong enough to withstand Stefano’s dirty tactics yet again.  And the thought of his filthy hands on Marlena made John want to rip DiMera’s eyes out and feed them to him.  He couldn’t let anything happen to Marlena again.  That was the bottom line.

 

“Marlena, he destroyed Carrie’s life in the same way he has tried to destroy ours time and time again.  Do you want to let him get away with that?  Again?”

 

“*No*!  Of *course* I don’t,” Marlena shook her head, incensed that he should infer that she didn’t care about Carrie’s condition, “I want whomever is responsible for doing this to Carrie to pay for it.”  She shook her head, her face reddened with anger, “No-one wants that more than I do.  I saw you almost *die* because of was done to Carrie.”

 

“Well then *listen* to me Marlena.  Your stubbornness is only going to put you in danger.”

 

“*My* stubbornness,” she looked astounded, “*You’re* the one who can’t see past this vendetta against Stefano.  Just let it *go* John.”

 

“I can’t Marlena,” he grabbed her hand and held it against his chest; his eyes harboring a dangerous intensity that made her heartbeat stumble momentarily.  “This heart almost stopped because of DiMera.  He’s getting desperate.  If we are honest, we both know that Stefano will never stop in his quest to “win” you.  Not until he is dead.  You told me you don’t want to spend your life looking over your shoulder.  Well, you will, unless Stefano is out of our lives for good.  And there’s only one way to make sure that happens.  I won’t let him hurt you again.”  He shook his head, his eye glittering, “I can’t lose you Marlena.  I won’t let him take you again.  I can’t.  This has to *stop*, here and now.”

 

Marlena’s heart pounded in tune with John’s as she struggled against the tears his word evoked.

“John, I don’t want to see you make this a crusade.  We’re going to have a life together and I don’t want to see you waste it chasing after a ghost.”

 

“He’s *alive* Doc.  I can feel it,” John’s voice was guttural, brimming with barely restrained emotion.

 

“Well what if he *is* alive?” Marlena cried impulsively.  “Going after Stefano only brings heartache for all of us.  He’s a dangerous man.  He has proved that repeatedly.  And if he did try to kill you, he won’t stop until one of you is dead.”  Her voice quavered as the tears spilled over her cheeks.  “John, I can’t lose you.  I’m terrified if you go after him you will walk into a trap.  I’m terrified that’s what he wants.  I can’t lose you again, I can’t…I can’t go through that…” her voice was choked by the sobs that deluged her as John pulled her into his arms.

 

“It’s okay, baby, you won’t lose me,” he whispered into her hair as she shook in his arms.  “Shhhh, I promise it’s going to be okay.   You’re not going to lose me.  And I’m not going to lose you.”  Pushing her back so that he could see her tear-stained face, he smiled softly.  “Get this, we’re stuck with each other.  Nothing’s going to change that.”

 

Marlena tried to laugh but it was strangled by another sob.

 

“I’m scared,” she whispered against his neck, her tears moist against his warm skin.

 

 

“I know baby,” he held her close, fingers of one hand splayed against the small of her back, the others, woven into her golden hair.  “I promise you I’m going to protect you and the children.  But I need for you to be careful, okay?”

 

“Okay,” she sniffed and looked up at him, “if you promise me you’ll be careful.”

 

“You know it, baby,” he winked at her with a small smile before drying her tears with tender fingers.

 

Taking the opportunity to simply look at her, he marveled at how beautiful she was, even when she had been crying.  Her burnt almond eyes were fringed with dark, wet lashes and he wiped away small trails of mascara from the pink skin of her cheeks before drawing his fingers over her beautiful skin.  Strands of blonde hair curled damply around her face and John brushed them away with the palm of one hand before touching his lips gently to her reddened ones.  They were soft and warm as he moved his tongue between them, sweeping against hers, moist and fiery.  His fingers twisted in her hair, gathering a handful as he moved closer to her, filling his senses with her.  She tasted sweet and familiar, and he suddenly ached for her, wanting to feel her move against him, to taste her damp, salty skin as he made love to her.

 

Opening his eyes, he pulled back with a smothered groan.  Marlena, feeling much the same, gasped for breath as she blinked rapidly.  John took a deep breath and blew it out as he looked at her.

 

“You don’t know what you do to me Marlena Evans,” he murmured in the voice of a lost man.

 

“You should tell me sometime,” she replied softly as she held his eyes.  Without a beat, she moved straight into her next question.  “John, when are we going to be together?”

 

“Soon sweetheart.”  He cupped her cheek in his hand.  “It’ll be real soon.”

 

“It’s not soon enough for me,” she sighed leaning against him, her cheek against his shoulder.  “I just get so lonely without you.”

 

“You know I’d be there if I could baby,” he folded strong forearms around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head again.  “But with Kristen becoming more suspicious I think I’m going to have to spend the next couple of days with her.”  He looked down at her, her sad eyes making him ache.  “It’s going to be so hard being away from you baby, but I just can’t see how to get around it.”

 

“I know,” she nodded sadly, tears filling her eyes again as she cursed the hormones that seemed to be exacerbating every emotion that flowed through her.  “I’ll steal any moment I can with you.  I just want this to be *over* so we can get on with our lives like a normal couple with a normal family.”

“I don’t think we’ll ever be a normal couple Doc,” John managed a chuckle.  “I don’t think it’s written in the Salem by-laws.”

 

“Probably not,” she smiled wanly.

 

“Baby, I don’t like the idea of being away from you any more than you like it,” he told her gently.  “Especially with Stefano out there, it makes me very nervous.  But I can’t risk Kristen doing anything to endanger the baby.  I’m afraid we’ve already been too obvious.  I need to reassure her that everything is all right.  Until the baby is born.  Any hour now, right?”

 

“Right,” Marlena nodded her head, her lips puckered into an expression of resignation.  “And you don’t need to worry about me, okay?” She shrugged diffidently.  “I have the alarm system and Gene is there.  Stefano, if he *is* alive,” she qualified the comment with due care, “Would be crazy to try anything.”

 

“Yeah,” John nodded, knowing that she was right but less than thrilled that her first thought when faced with the need for protection was Eugene Bradford.  Yes, the man was something else when it came to unusual tricks.  A more than handy opponent for Stefano, John couldn’t deny that. 

 

But again, there was the burning jealousy, the festering anger that threatened to gorge him.  And the little devil that whispered incessantly.  Anything you can do, Q can do better.  Q can do anything better than you.

 

John ground his teeth together and turned away from Marlena.

 

“Good ol’ Gene,” he muttered darkly.  Good ol’ Gene all right.  Always there when he was needed.  Ready to lend a hand, no matter what the occasion.

 

John felt sick as he started for the Jeep, Marlena close behind him, notably silent.  He had to deal with this, and soon, or Stefano DiMera would be the least of their worries.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 109 – The Frailty Of The Heart

 

 

 

When hearts have once mingled,

Love first leaves the well-built nest;

The weak one is singled

To endure what it once possess’d.

O Love! Who bewailest

The frailty of all things here,

Why choose you the frailest

For your cradle, your home, and your bier?

 

Its passions will rock thee

As the storms rock the ravens on high;

Bright reason will mock thee

Like the sun from a wintry sky.

From thy nest every rafter

Will rot, and thine eagle home

Leave thee naked to laughter

When leaves fall and cold winds come.

 

                                    Percy Bysshe Shelley (Taken from ‘When the  lamp is shattered…’)

 

 

 

Eugene stared at the words on the page, but they seemed to blur into one another as his thoughts drifted.  It was odd but he felt almost relaxed for the first time in several weeks.  He hadn’t dreamed about Marlena in three nights now and without the catalyst of the dreams, it seemed much easier to suppress those memories that made things so awkward.

 

And yet, Marlena had approached him several times about what was going on inside him, wanting to help him with the bedlam that reigned within his weary mind.  As if she could help, as if the very sight of her, the heady scent of her fragrance didn’t twist his gut and make his knees turn to jelly.  But, with the subsidence of the dreams, those feelings became less potent and easier to submerge beneath the mundane realities of everyday life on this planet.  And with limited success, he had managed to convince her that this was merely a passing phase. There was nothing wrong that he couldn’t handle he told her.  And himself

 

“Gene?” he looked up to see her descending the staircase, one hand on her rounded stomach. 

 

“Have you seen Brady’s schoolbag?”  She reached the living room, one hand still on the railing and scowled unconsciously.  “I can’t find anything without Lucie here, it’s ridiculous.  I think this pregnancy has made my brain turn to mush.”

 

“Have you tried his closet?” Q tried hopefully.

 

“Yes, and his drawers, and Belle’s closet and the linen closet and under his bed….” Marlena shrugged despairingly before moving to the sofa opposite him and lowering herself to the soft, welcoming cushions.  “You don’t think she’ll be gone long, do you?”

 

Marlena hadn’t realized how much they had come to rely on Lucie’s quiet efficiency until the young woman had rushed home to Tennessee to attend a family emergency the other day when Marlena and John had visited Carrie.  Or how much she appreciated the girl’s company and wry sense of humor.  She was an unusual person and Marlena still was unsure that she had met the *real* Lucie, the one hidden behind the well-controlled exterior.  But in time she hoped to.  She suspected that Lucie had some interesting facets.

 

“Why don’t I have a look for it?” Q suggested with a sympathetic smile.  She looked tired and it was only halfway through the day.  “You put your feet up and watch TV or something.”

 

“Oh great!  Saturday afternoon TV, I’m sure I’ll be swamped with choices,” Marlena groaned.

 

“What, are you upset you can’t get your weekly soap opera fix?” Gene teased her as he pushed the remote over the coffee table towards her.

 

“Yeah, *right*,” Marlena rolled her eyes.  “Thanks, but I have more than enough drama in my own life to keep me occupied.”

 

“You have a good point there,” he grinned, almost amazed that he was actually having a normal conversation with her.  “What is it you humans say?  Truth is stranger than a really bad soap opera?  Of course all soap operas could be classified as really bad from what I have seen of them.  Not that I have made a point of watching them at all,” he hurried to add.  “With an IQ of 1509 that kind of drivel is a little beneath one like me.”  He grinned, enjoying the mocking lack of humility as he continued.  “But from what I’ve caught while at home during the day, I sometimes wonder what kind of hallucinogenic drug those writers are on.”

 

“Oh, shut up and get on with it,” she tossed a cushion at him with a good-natured smile and watched him climb the stairs.

 

He had seemed much happier the last day or so, much more relaxed, even when she was around.  That wasn’t to say that he went out of his way to seek out her company, but at least he didn’t exit a room the moment she walked into it, and that was a good start.

 

She leaned back against the plush cushions and closed her eyes.  John had called not long before, the first time she had heard his voice since he had dropped her off at the penthouse three days earlier. 

 

The conversation had been sparse on the way home.  After the tension of seeing Carrie and reliving those painful events at the Penthouse Grill and then the following argument, neither of them had much energy to approach anything that could be potentially serious.

 

Marlena had hoped that she could talk to him during the afternoon, but he had been adamant that he had to stop in at work for a couple of hours before going back to the loft to reassure Kristen.  Knowing that she had a doctor’s appointment and lacking the energy or will to argue with him again, she had curled her arms around his neck and bade him goodbye with a kiss that ensured he would come back to her.

 

And evidently, Kristen had kept him busy erecting baby cribs and massaging her back, because Marlena hadn’t heard from him until this afternoon.  In a brief call, he had asked her about the doctor’s visit, and she had told him reluctantly about her raised blood pressure and Dr. Robbins’ insistence that she take some time off work to relax and take care of herself.

 

“Is the baby in any danger Doc?” he had asked quickly and with worry infiltrating his voice.  “Will you be okay?  Because you say the word and I’ll come right over.  And I won’t leave.”  Her gentle laugh had sounded down the line, settling into his heart and making him warm.  ”I mean it Doc.”

 

“I know you do sweetheart.  It just makes me realize even more how much I miss you,” she sighed deeply.  “I’ll be fine.  You just take care of things over there.”

 

“I’m waiting Doc, but nothing’s happening….” he groaned as Marlena heard a muffled voice in the background. “Apart from the fact that being Man Friday is driving me *crazy*.”

 

“Just call me again when you can,” her voice sounded plaintive in the empty room.

 

“You know I will baby,” his voice was softly reassuring, “and I’m hoping that I can get out of here and come take you for the ultrasound this afternoon.”

 

“I hope so too,” she had whispered before he had been interrupted and cut off their call.

 

 

“You didn’t look very hard,” Marlena’s eyes flickered open as Gene’s voice floated over her.  He was standing next to the sofa, Brady in one arm and the little boy’s bag in the other.

 

“Where was it?” she asked exasperatedly, struggling weary to sit up.

“Hanging on the back of his door, where it belongs,” Q answered blandly, sensing that her mood had changed since he had gone upstairs.

 

“You ‘kay Mom?” Brady asked as he struggled to get down.

 

“I’m just a little tired honey,” Marlena answered with a comforting smile.  Gene deposited the small boy on the sofa next to Marlena and she ran her fingers across his silky chestnut colored head.  “Have you got a hug for me?  I could sure use one.”

 

Brady ginned and scrambled up to throw his scrawny little arms around her neck.

 

“I love you Momma,” he whispered with a gap-toothed smile before planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

 

“Oooh, I love you too sweetie boy,” she squeezed him against her in a heartfelt hug.

 

“Okay kiddo,” Gene interrupted the snuggle fest, “Why don’t you go upstairs and get some shoes on.”

 

“Okay,” Brady scrambled from Marlena’s arms and headed back to the stairs.

 

“Shoes?” Marlena looked up at Q, the question clear in her eyes.

 

“You’re tired and you need some rest, Marlena,” he crouched down on the floor next to the sofa.  “After what the doctor said I think that you could do with some quiet afternoons sans children.”

 

“Oh Gene, I’m just fine,” she chided him gently.

 

“No, you’re not,” he shook his head, seriousness overtaking him.  “Those dark circles under your eyes and your pale face give that away so stop trying to be a martyr, okay?”

 

“Oh, gee thanks,” she grimaced, “you make me sound really appealing.”

 

“You need rest, Marlena, not flattery.”  He pushed himself up again and looked up at the landing. 

 

“I’m taking the kids over to the pub.  Shawn and Caroline have said they will take them for the night, and I’ll be back later on this evening.  And in the meantime, I want you to see if you can have a nap, or at least a lie down before you go for your appointment this afternoon, all right?”

 

“Gene, I don’t need to be mollycoddled,” she frowned and swung her legs off the sofa.  “Despite what the doctor says, I am in good health.  I’m not some fragile flower you have to nurse you know.”

 

“I didn’t say you were,” he shook his head as he helped her up from the seat, amazed, as usual by her stubbornness and insistence that she could do just about anything.  “I just think you could do with some time out.  And I’m not going to argue the point with you.”  He left her and walked over to the foot of the stairs.  “Come on kids, Granma and Granpa are waiting for you.  Better hurry up or all the cookies will be gone.”

 

“Coooookies!!”  Belle came flying down the stairs, Brady close behind her.

 

“Belle, please don’t run down the stairs,” Marlena scolded her daughter, the familiar motherly fear appearing in the pit of her stomach.

 

“Bye Mommy,” Belle ignored her mother’s words, choosing instead to melt her mother’s heart with a hug around her legs.  It worked and Marlena leaned down to give her children a farewell kiss.

 

“Be good for your grandparents now, okay?” she stroke Belle’s blonde curls before the little girl headed for the door.

 

Eugene went to follow the children, but Marlena caught his arm.  Her intention was to thank him for thinking of her and taking the children out, but she felt as though the breath had been knocked out of her as Eugene suddenly recoiled at her touch, shrinking back like a wounded animal as he pulled his arm out of her grasp.

 

“Gene,” she whispered, blanching a shade lighter than ashen.  Her eyes were huge and golden as she stared at him, clearly shocked by the unexpected reaction.

 

“I’ll see you later,” he mumbled before she could gather her wits enough to ask him what was wrong.

 

He felt like an absolute heel as he closed the door behind him, leaving Marlena still standing there, tears swimming in her eyes.  G*d he wished he could feel anything for her but what he felt.  It was as though the moment she touched him, she burned her imprint into his skin, leaving his body tingling, trembling, desperate for more.

 

It was a simple but violent reaction.  And he couldn’t help it.  To pull away from her was the only option.  Otherwise, he might break down and do something incredibly stupid and that really would be the end of their friendship.  Irrevocably.  And so, he had to leave her.  Had to risk their friendship to save it.

 

 

Marlena swiped at her tears with a moan of pure frustration swinging around to voice her pain to the empty room.  Dammit, why the hell couldn’t she get this *right*?

 

Her face betrayed the pain and confusion she felt as she sank onto the bottom step.  All the progress she thought they had been making…. all gone?   All she wanted to do was thank him.  If she couldn’t do that, couldn’t have a conversation with him as a friend, then what was the point?

 

Her head sank dejectedly into her hands as she reflected on how weird it had been during the first few weeks.  Maybe she had been trying too hard to pretend everything was all right, that nothing had changed that she hadn’t seen the signs that had been staring her in the face.  It was obvious that Eugene was extremely uncomfortable around her, however hard he tried to deny it and hide it from her.

 

And why shouldn’t he be?  They had been lovers after all, and they had shared something special.  And however much she had not wanted to admit it at the time, she knew he loved her more than she loved him.

 

Sometimes when she looked at him, she was struck by a memory of the way his skin felt against hers, the emotions that he had evoked in her as he held her and loved her.  And she had John to concentrate on, John to love her, to hold her when she was sad or lonely.  Gene had no one.  And now he simply didn’t want to be around her because of what she represented.  She was no longer Marlena, his good friend.  She was Marlena, his ex-lover, the woman that had caused him pain.

 

She groaned as the baby kicked her kidney, almost as if it was reading her thoughts and meting out appropriate punishment.  How can I fix this?  Is there any way at all I can fix this?  It was naïve to think that things could ever go back to the way they had been.  After everything that had happened, it just wasn’t possible.  But surely if he would just *talk* to her, voice the pain, they could somehow get to a place where they could at least be in the same room together without this dreadful awkwardness descending at a simple touch or wrong word.

 

Because right now, she needed him.  He was her closest friend, and she needed his love and friendship.  With everything that was happening with Kristen and with John, she needed someone who would just be there, who understood her and what she was going through.  Maybe it was a lot to ask.  Maybe it was just too much to ask.  She didn’t know if it was an utterly unfair request, considering everything that had happened, but she was so emotionally fatigued she simply couldn’t reach that conclusion without talking to Gene.

 

Guilt nagged at her as she deliberated the questions that curled around her tired mind.  It’s your fault you know.  You knew how he felt about you.  You knew and you took advantage of that…You took him into your bed to soothe your own pain without a second thought for what it might do to him……

 

Shaking her head, she used the railing to pull herself.  No, she was being too hard on herself; she couldn’t go on beating herself up over something that was done.  It couldn’t be undone, and she just had to deal with the repercussions. 

 

Feeling jaded, she reached the sofa and dropped down, curling her feet up under her as she sank her head into the welcoming softness of the cushions beneath her.

“Too tired,” she murmured softly, more to convince her aching soul than anything else.  She couldn’t think about this now, it hurt too much; it hurt her heart and hurt her suddenly pounding head.  “Later,” she whispered. 

 

She would deal with it later.

 

 

******

 

 

“Gene,” Belle stood two feet tall on the seat of a booth at the Brady Pub, her hands on her hips and a frown on her face.

 

“Yes, General Belle?” Q turned with an amused chuckle.

 

“Laces,” she pointed down at her pint-sized Reebok, the laces straggling over the side of the vinyl padding.

 

“Oh, well we can’t have that now, can we?” he kneeled by the seat, trying the little girl’s laces into an intricate double knot so they would not come undone again.  “How can the general lead her troops into battle with her laces undone?”

 

“Gene, you’s a sillyhead,” Belle giggled, tossing her fair hair in an uncanny imitation of her mother.

 

“That’s what all the little girls say,” he grinned, marveling at how, in just a few short months, this tiny human had totally won his heart.

 

It wasn’t just that she was Marlena’s daughter, she had a personality all of her own.  The stubbornness of both her parents mixed with the gentle compassion of and spirit of her mother and the pride and great capacity to love of her father.  She was quite a little lady and she had captured Q’s love quite unexpectedly while he wasn’t even looking.

 

As though she wanted to prove to him just how smitten he was with her, she threw tiny arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips.

 

“I nub you, Gene.”  His heart flipped within him as he marveled at how she had him twisted around her diminutive finger.

 

“I love you too, angel,” sweeping her up from the seat, he hugged her tightly before setting her on the floor and patting her little behind.  “Now go and find your Granma, I’m sure she has something for you.”

 

With a smile, he watched her race for the kitchen door and then, weighing up what to do next, he turned around.  To find John starting at him from the doorway, his icy blue eyes frigid with dislike.

 

John had stopped by the Pub to say hello to Caroline and Shawn, and he had seen the whole exchange between his daughter and Eugene.  And it had confirmed the trepidation he had felt the other day at the penthouse, a fear that the children were becoming too close to Q, that he was assuming too big a role in their lives.

 

“John, I…I…” he stammered uncertainly, “I didn’t realize you’d come in.”

“Obviously,” John replied coldly, his eyes sweeping around the pub as he tried to restrain the anger that rippled through him.  The sight of Belle kissing Eugene had made him feel sick.  She was *his* daughter, *his* baby girl.  He had *no* right to her love.  G*d he was sick of this.  Of feeling this caustic envy, this bilious anger that threatened to engulf him without notice. 

 

He knew intellectually that Gene’s presence was warranted.  Desirable even.  It was something he had struggled with over the last week, and he had vowed to hold his tongue, to accept Eugene’s presence and live with it despite his personal feelings.  But, seeing him with Belle, seeing the affection between them, John’s resolve crumbled, and the anger swelled inside him until he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

 

“Well….” Q didn’t know what to say.  John was silent, but unless he was misreading very clear signs, the man was fuming with anger.  “I guess I’ll get out of your way.”

 

“*Not* so fast….” John caught the other man’s arm as he tried to walk by him.  “I think we need to have a little talk first.”

 

 

******

 

 

The distant hammering sound roused her, her eyes fluttering open slowly and painfully as she tried to locate the source of the disturbance.  Soft, fuzzy images coalesced into the living room and gradually she became aware that it was someone knocking at her front door that had awoken her.

 

“Coming,” she called weakly as she threw the cotton rug off her aching body.  Her feet shuffled across the soft carpet, her sweats wrapped comfortably around somnolent limbs as she reached the door and opened the small hatch that allowed her to see her caller.

 

“Sami, hi sweetie,” she opened the door and accepted her daughter’s hug gratefully.  “What are you doing here?”

 

“I came to see you silly,” Sami smiled as she took her mother’s hand and pulled her across the living room to the disheveled sofa.  “Gee Mom, you don’t look so swell.  Are you okay?”

 

“Gosh, you know,” Marlena held up her finger, “you’re not the only one to say that today.  I guess I must really look a fright huh?”

 

“Well, no,” Sami shook her head, “Mom, *you* could *never* look a fright.  But you do look a little pale.”  She handed Marlena a box of Sees Candies.  “I stopped by your office, and they said you were taking a few days off so I thought I’d stop by, bring you a snack and see if there is anything I can do.”

 

“Oh, thanks sweetie,” Marlena grabbed the box of candy with a speculative gleam in her eye, “where on earth did you lay your hands on Sees?”

 

“I have ways and means,” Sami winked at her.  “So, is everything okay anyway?  Why are you taking time off?”

”Oh,” Marlena tore the lid off the chocolates and selected one before handing the box to her girl, “well, I went to see the doctor the other day and my blood pressure is up a little.  He felt that I needed to rest a tad more than I have been.”

 

“Geez Mom, does he have any idea of the emotional pressure you are under?” Sami asked with worried eyes.

 

“Well, no….” Marlena added with a shake of the head as she popped the caramel candy into her mouth.  “But it’s okay, it won’t be for that much longer.  I can handle it.”

 

“Yeah, you are Wonder Woman after all,” Sami rolled cornflower blue eyes exasperatedly.  “Honestly Mom.”

 

“What?” Marlena shrugged her shoulders with exaggerated nonchalance, humor infecting her demeanor.  “What, you think I can’t cope with a little stress?  Baby girl, after some of the things I’ve been through, this is nothing.”

 

“Right,” Sami nodded her head, sarcasm manifest in the single word.

 

“What?” Marlena popped another candy into her mouth and bit down on it, reveling in the sweet, smooth taste of the chocolate as it spread across her tongue.

 

“I know you, that’s all,” Sami sighed and leaned back against the cushions.  “Besides, I’ve seen John the past few days and that’s enough to tell me that something has been going on.”

 

“What do you mean?” Marlena asked quietly, her humor suddenly dulled.

 

“Well, he hasn’t been in much, but when he has, he’s been edgy and distant,” Sami bit on the inside of her lip.  “When I asked him how you were doing, he just told me to get back to work.”

 

“Oh,” Marlena blinked and looked away from Sami, processing the information, her heart tapping out the rhythm of rapid machine gun fire.

 

“Is everything all right Mom?  Between you and John I mean?” Sami asked softly, noting her mother’s discomfort.

 

“Of course it is,” Marlena looked at her in surprise.  “Why wouldn’t it be?”

 

Not deterred by the defensiveness she could feel pouring off Marlena from across the table, Sami raised her eyebrows guilelessly.

 

“Well, you know…” her head cocked to one side, “I mean it’s gotta be weird with Eugene still living here and John living with Kristen.  Not exactly a normal relationship, is it?”

 

“No, it’s not,” Marlena’s voice was soft.

 

“Well, I know you kinda have to do it this way but….” Sami pressed her lips together.  This felt awkward, but it seemed that someone had to make John and her mother confront this because it was a problem, even if they didn’t want to admit it.  Anyone with half a brain and not in total denial would be able to tell that.  “Sorry if I’m crossing the line here Mom, but you and Eugene were *lovers*.  And he’s still living here with you, seeing you every day while John can’t.  And I know that to keep up the pretense you have to, but doesn’t John even have a *small* problem with that?”  She shook her head at the understatement.  “I know Dad sure would have.”

 

Marlena sat back against the cushions, slightly stunned by the bluntness of Sami’s question and the realization that it brought to light a whole lot of issues that she had been trying to avoid for days now.

 

“Well John is not Roman,” she answered, trying to stall Sami’s curiosity while she gathered her thoughts.

 

“You got that right,” Sami muttered under her breath.

 

“Sami?” Marlena asked curiously.  “Is there something going on with your father that you want to talk to me about?”

 

 

******

 

 

Eugene stared at John, his muscles becoming rigid as John’s anger loosened from its unseen bonds.

 

“So, what did you want to talk about?” he asked evenly.

 

“About my children,” John folded his arms in front of him.  “I saw that little exchange there and I have to say that I don’t really appreciate the fact that you are trying to act like some sort of father figure to Belle and Brady.  That’s my place, not yours.”

 

“I don’t know what you think…” Q began.

 

“I *think* you’re confusing my children,” John said angrily, the leather of his jacket groaning as he moved edgily around Q.  “I *think* you know how attached they are to you, and you are using that to ingratiate yourself.”

 

“Look, I’m sorry John,” Q shook his head, his tone smooth and devoid of emotion, “I didn’t mean to infringe, but Belle needed some help and I was just here to help her.  That’s all.”

 

“You’re always *there* aren’t you?”  John growled, his anger growing at Eugene’s apparent dismissal of John’s concerns.  And as much as he wanted to walk away from this, to gain some control over the weakness that the sight of this man caused in him, he simply couldn’t.  All of the rage that he had been feeling, all of the jealousy coalesced and focused at this one point, and he was powerless to stop himself.  The words just poured out despite all his previous vows that he wouldn’t get into this with Gene now.  He couldn’t help himself, couldn’t help the pain and the jealousy, the anger that was spinning out of control.  “You just happen to be *there* when they need you, when Marlena needs you.  How convenient for you.”

 

“I’m sorry if it bothers you but yes, I am there.  Maybe if you’d been there for them all these years you wouldn’t be feeling this damn rotten.” Q suggested angrily. 

 

Ignoring the words but buoyed by the anger that he had evoked in Eugene, John kept going, words tumbling from his mouth before he even thought about their significance.

 

“Have you even thought about what it’s going to do to those kids when you walk away from them?  You and I both know you won’t be staying in Salem.  You’re just going to abandon them and leave Marlena and I to pick up the pieces.”

 

“They’re your children, John,” Q’s voice held a hint of a warning.

 

“You’re *damn* right they are,” John thumped the table with a solid fist.  “And how the hell do I even know I can trust you around them.  Or around Marlena?”

 

“Oh, back to that are we?” Q asked, derision dripping from his words.  “May I remind you John that I am only staying at the penthouse so that *you* can maintain appearances for your beloved Kristen.  And may I also remind you that you were part of the decision that I should be there to protect Marlena in case Stefano came to town.”  His eyes narrowed.  “Maybe if you hadn’t f**ked everything up so badly, none of this would be an issue.”

 

“Oh yeah, try and blame me again why don’t you?”  John’s lips thinned as he did his utmost to hold back the swing he desperately wanted to take.  That would knock the smug expression off the bastard’s face.  “This is not about what I did.  This is about what you are doing.  You’re confusing the hell out of Marlena and the children and if you can’t behave like a decent human being then perhaps you should move out of the apartment after all.”

 

“You know, that would suit me just fine,” Q retorted, his eyes blazing.  “Having to watch her moping over an undeserving asshole like you is just about more than I can deal with.”

 

“Oh right,” John nodded, his face ashen with barely suppressed rage, his breathing shallow and uncontrolled.  “So, you’re perfectly happy to be there when you can take advantage of Marlena’s vulnerability, but when the going gets tough you’re more than ready to skip out without a backward glance huh?”

 

Q’s eyes widened at John’s implication, and he felt the blood as it roared past his ears.  Part of him, a very large Q part, was instantly tempted to blast John into a trillion atoms, blowing the smithereens of him across the universe, his soul lost in an eternal search for the love he did not deserve.  All it would take is one little snap……

 

John glared at him, inky blue eyes ringed with black as his pupils dilated, willing him to say something, anything that would warrant a right hook.

 

“You’re a fine one to talk,” Q hissed finally.  “But you’re right about one thing.  I’m not staying in Salem as soon as this is over.  Once I know she’s safe, I’m leaving this Q-forsaken place and if I never *ever* see your face again,” he paused, looking contemptuously at John before his lips curled into a sneer, “It will be much too soon.” 

 

With that, he grabbed his jacket from where it hung over the back of a chair and brushed roughly past John before storming out of the pub. 

 

John watched him go, the anger slowly draining out of him into the empty room.  Turning back to the room, he stared at the bar silently cursing himself for going so far.  That was all he needed right now; Marlena getting angry at him for taking Eugene apart.

 

 

******

 

 

“Oh, it’s nothing important, really Mom,” Sami hugged a cushion in front of her as she selected another candy from the box.  “You know, it’s just Dad, being Dad.”

 

“Being Dad how?” Marlena raised her eyebrows.  She knew what Roman could be like, but it was just determining which facet was currently pissing Sami off.

 

“Oh well,” she waved the chocolate around in the air as she searched for the words.  “For example, last night he and Trudie turned up on my doorstep just as I was trying to put Will to bed wanting to know if I wanted to go out to dinner with them.  And then when I said I couldn’t because I had to stay home with Will because he has a cold, Dad offered to get a babysitter.”

 

“Mmmmm,” Marlena nodded her head slowly.

 

“It’s like, he’s gone for three years with absolutely no word and then he thinks he can just walk back into my life and pick up like nothing has happened.”  Sami poked the candy into her mouth and bit down on it in frustration.

 

“Well, you do know that there was a good reason your daddy didn’t contact you, don’t you?” Marlena asked carefully.

 

“That’s not the *point* Mom,” Sami shook her head, long blonde hair glistening in the shaft of sunlight that spread across the room from the open balcony door.  “The point is that he walked out on us.  When we all needed him the most, all he could do was think of his own pain.  And he *left*.  And I’m supposed to just say oh that’s okay, welcome back and take over my life again?”  Her lips set in a firm line; she brushed her hair over her shoulder.  “I don’t think so.”

 

“Mmmm-hmmm,” Marlena nodded, “I can see where that would make you feel angry and upset.”

 

“Doesn’t it make *you* angry?” Sami asked, a little confused.  “He walked out on you after you *begged* him not to go.  After you had been through hell down at Maison Blanche, he just turned his back on you.  And then you really *did* go through hell.”  Her brow wrinkled as she tried to make sense of it.  “Doesn’t that make you *hate* him?”

 

“I could never hate Roman, Sami,” Marlena shook his head, “I loved him too much to ever hate him.  But I guess yes, part of me will always feel a little betrayed that he walked out on us like that.”

 

“*Betrayed*,” Sami grasped the word, her anger burned on her face from years of loneliness.  “Yes, that’s it.  That’s how I feel, like he betrayed us through his selfishness.  He’s my *father*, he was supposed to protect me, and he walked away from me.  I can’t *ever* imagine walking away from Will knowing that he needed me.  How can I forgive Roman for that, Mom?  I don’t know that I can.”

 

“These are very complex emotions Sami and there are no hard and fast rules for dealing with them,” Marlena curled her feet up beside her on the sofa and pulled the cotton throw over her chilled toes.  “But I think you have to try and focus on the fact that your father was doing the only thing he thought he could do given the situation.  Sometimes when you are in pain, logic flies out of the window, and you act on instinct.  And sometimes you make mistakes.  You and I both know that.”  She raised her eyebrows at the significance of her statement.  “What your father did wasn’t done in order to hurt us.  It was to try and heal the pain that he felt.  I don’t know if I could hold a grudge against him over that.”

 

When Sami didn’t answer, she pursed her lips in thought.

 

“I think what it comes down to baby girl, is how much you love your Daddy.  And whether your love for him outweighs the betrayal you feel.  Because if it does, then you are going to have to find some way of forgiving him his faults.”  She leaned her head on one hand, her elbow propped up against the cushions as she pondered how her words echoed another situation, and one she was much closer to.  “Otherwise, it’s going to make both of you miserable.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 110 – High Time

 

 

Marlena stood on the balcony and breathed in the balmy summer air.  She had hoped that it might help clear her mind to stand out here where the air was clean and fresh.  Where she felt free.

 

After Sami had left, the atmosphere in the living room had become stuffy and positively oppressive, and even opening the doors to the balcony hadn’t particularly helped.  She was feeling claustrophobic and hormonal, and she just needed some clear air. 

 

She had even thought about going out for a walk, but her doctor’s appointment was sooner rather than later and John had said he might be able to get away.  But in the meantime, she was here, alone with her thoughts.  Thoughts she had to make some sense of before everything went to all hell.

 

An old rambling rose threaded its way along the top of the railing, blowsy pink blooms fragrant with attar in the afternoon sun.  She fingered the blush petals, feeling their silkiness beneath her skin where the pink faded into a pale lemon yellow.  With a sigh, she twisted the rose head off its stalk and sat down on a patio chair cupping it in her hand.  Her thoughts were like those petals, scattered and confused.  She just had to find a way to piece them into a rose.

 

John….. Gene….. where on earth did she even start?  She thought again of how Gene had looked at her when he had pulled away earlier today.  When she had simply touched him, skin against skin.  And the memory came to her, unbidden and unwanted.

 

She was totally unaware of Eugene’s dilemma until she felt him pulling away from her grip.  He was gentle, but the move was sudden, and Marlena looked up him in surprise.

“Gene?” she asked quickly, worried that she had done something to upset him.  But as she looked at him, she was unable to read the expression in his eyes and it made her uneasy.

“I’m sorry Marlena,” he was acutely uncomfortable as he tried to disentangle her arms from around his neck. 

 

“Oh Gene,” she whispered sadly, her eyes following a lone, soft white cloud as it skirted the edge of the sky in her view.  He hadn’t been able to bear her touch that night because of what it represented to him.  What he could never have.

 

With a slight metallic clink from the charms on her bracelet, she pulled two petals from the rose, and they drifted gently to the ground.

 

“Don’t you understand?”  He shook his head.  “I can’t be here with you like this, Marlena.  It’s driving me crazy.”

“No, I *don’t* understand.”  She was practically shouting at him.  “WHY?” she demanded again, not seeing what should have been totally obvious. 

“Because of the way I *feel* about you!  I can’t be near you Marlena because I *want* you so much I’m afraid to even *touch* you!” 

 

The rose fell to the floor as though in slow motion, bouncing against the hard concrete, petals bruising and breaking against the cool cement.

 

 

*******

 

 

Q sat by the water’s edge, watching as the ripples lapped over the coarse sand.   It wasn’t supposed to be this hard.  It was never meant to be this hardm dammit.  He was supposed to come here, get John and Marlena back together and then leave.  That was it, end of story.  What the hell kind of cruel cosmic joke was it that he had to fall in love with Marlena all over again?

 

He couldn’t keep doing this.  He couldn’t keep tearing apart every time he saw her.  He couldn’t keep running, couldn’t keep hiding.  Couldn’t keep dying.

 

He could still taste her.  Sweet, like vanilla cream.  Like roses.  Like heaven.

 

G*d, he wanted to touch her, to run his hands over her silken, creamy skin.  To feel the hot moistness of her mouth against him.  To hear her whisper that she loved him.

 

The tears, wet and hot, dried as soon as they hit the sun-warmed stones.

 

Q sat on the warm pebbles; head bowed between his knees.  This wasn’t getting better.

 

And it was only going to get worse.

 

 

******

 

 

Golden eyes searched out the sun in the sky, hoping vainly that the light might burn away the scars with its searing purity.  Might absolve the sins with its hot, healing shimmer.

 

But there was no absolution there.  No answers.  No comfort.  The knowledge was unqualified, and the healing only came from within the soul.

 

Marlena groaned, the tears drying on her face, tightening her skin with a salty sheen.  What a mess. 

 

She had wanted everything to be fine.  Wanted everything to go back to how it was.  All nice and neat and compartmentalized.  A place for everything.  And everything in its place.  Under control.

 

But everything was patently not fine, everything was spiraling out of control, and she didn’t know how to cope anymore.  She was too tired, too spent from the past few months.  She didn’t know how to gain control of the situation and it terrified her.

 

Get a hold of yourself Marlena!  She took a deep breath, feeling the baby squirm inside her and she winced as it kicked her bladder.  The last thing she wanted to do was visit the bathroom again; she was practically living in there these days.  It wasn’t exactly wonderfully conducive to thinking.  You have to stop feeling so sorry for yourself.  You’re intelligent, you’re trained.  You can work out how to deal with it now.

 

She took another concentrated breath and wiped the tears from her eyes.  That was it, she just had to look at this through the eyes of a professional.  She could deal with it if she tried to put emotion aside just for a short time.  After all, that was what she did for a living, wasn’t it?

 

Pulling her knees up under her, she considered Eugene.  One problem at a time.  After all, just because she was with John now, it didn’t mean Eugene’s feelings for her had changed.  Yes, he had encouraged her to go to John.  But not because he wanted to her, not because he didn’t love her anymore, but because it was what she needed.  Because it was the best thing for her.  But for Eugene, nothing had changed except that he could no longer have what he most wanted. 

 

Of course he didn’t want to be around her.  Had she wanted to be around John when he was all smitten with Kristen?  Of course she hadn’t.  She had wanted to run every time she encountered them in the same room. 

 

When she had lived at the DiMera Mansion with them, being so close to John on a permanent basis had been sheer torture.  When he had touched her, it had been as though some cruel god was playing an eternal game of ‘look but don’t touch’ with her.  On occasion she had almost broken down and admitted to him how he made her feel, how shivers traveled across her skin every time he touched her.   How when he hugged her, he made her knees go weak with desire.

 

And now she was in a similar situation with Gene and all the things she had accused John of, she was doing to Gene.  And what was even worse was that she *knew* how Gene felt.  It wasn’t as though they had been apart for years or they had fallen out of love.  It was simply that they had stopped sharing a bed and Marlena had been so consumed with making things right with John that she had hardly stopped to consider the implications.

 

“Oh man,” she rolled her head back closing her eyes tightly.  G*d, she had really screwed everything up this time.

 

 

******

 

 

John sat in his Jeep and leant his head back against the headrest, blowing out the breath that he had been holding.  He hadn’t meant to lose control like that with Eugene.  Just the sight of Belle kissing him had stirred up something inside of him that had refused to be subdued.  Something that he had been trying so hard to ignore but wasn’t going away.

 

He wanted Eugene out of Marlena’s life.  He was jealous, absolutely incredibly green with envy and he wanted the man gone.  Yesterday if possible.  It wasn’t logical, maybe not rational, but he couldn’t help himself.  He had seen them together.  Seen Marlena laugh at his jokes, seen her reaction when he had kissed her.  Seen them making love….

 

He closed his eyes wincing at the memory.  He might be the one that held her in his arms now, but it didn’t stop the pain.  She had been so quick to doubt him, so swift to find someone to take his place….  It hurt more than he had ever wanted to admit.  He was haunted by the sound of her voice as she called Eugene’s name and he didn’t know how to make it go away.  Didn’t know how to stop the pain.

 

 

******

 

 

“Hiya Boss,” Marlena looked up to find Lucie standing in the doorway.

 

“You’re home!”  Her eyes widened.  She hadn’t expected Lucie to be home for a couple of days yet.

 

“Well, duh!”  The young woman smiled widely as she plopped herself down in the seat next to Marlena.  “Yeah, Grandpa is doing a lot better, so I thought I’d head on back.”

 

“Well, I hope you didn’t hurry back on our account,” Marlena looked concerned, “I don’t want to think we brought you back earlier than you wanted to.  We have been managing okay you know.”  It was a fib, but she wasn’t about to let the girl feel like she was under any more of a burden than she already was with her job and familial responsibilities.

 

“Oh, it’s okay really,” Lucie swiped at the air with a small but perfectly manicured hand.  “It’s not like I really get on with the family anyway.  Momma was drivin’ me crazy.”

 

“You don’t get on with your mother?” Marlena asked with interest.  Despite the fact that Lucie was a college friend of Carrie’s, she didn’t really know much about the young blonde, and she was more than a little curious.

 

“Oh well it’s not that we don’t get on so much as,” Lucie sighed and crossed her arms, “she can’t stand the fact that I’ve grown up and am doing what I want to do.  You know how family is,” she winked, “like you to toe the line and all.”

 

“I remember when I went away to medical school,” Marlena smiled fondly at the memory, “My Mom was loathe to let me out of her sight.  But she soon learnt that her little girl was all grown up and she had to let her go.”

 

“Try telling that to Momma,” Lucie shrugged, “I don’t think she’ll ever accept that I’ve grown up.”
”She will, sweetie,” Marlena smiled conspiratorially.  “Eventually she will.”

 

It was the chime of the doorbell that interrupted her and Marlena glanced quickly at her watch.

“I’ll get it,” Lucie waved down her efforts to push herself from the chair and she was halfway across the room before Marlena had gained her feet.

 

“Hi John,” Lucie greeted him with a dazzling smile as she tightened the knot of the little checkered shirt that she wore tied in the front. “How’s life been treatin’ ya?”

 

“Uh…fine…” Every time John saw this woman, she unnerved him more than the last.  He wished he could put his finger on what it was, by all accounts she was very nice, and the children evidently were mad about her.  There was just something….

 

“Are ya’ll going out or would you like me to make myself scarce?” she asked, her eyes merry.

 

“Uh, no it’s okay,” John replied stiffly, “I’m taking Marlena for her ultrasound appointment.  Are you ready, Doc?” he asked when he saw her standing at the patio door.

 

“Hi honey,” he could tell she was tired, even from across the room, something about her posture screamed out her weariness to him and as she neared him, he could see that her skin was pale from lack of sleep.  But even so, she still looked angelic in her white linen shift, gold loops at her ears and her charm bracelet hanging loosely around her wrist.  “Let me just get my purse, okay?”

 

“Sure sweetheart, take your time,” he watched her head up the staircase and then turned back to Lucie who was looking at him with a speculative smile.  “You going away?”

“Mmmm?” she fluttered her lashes with the sweet murmur.

 

“I noticed a bag by the door,” John pointed to the tartan suitcase, “I was just wondering…”

 

“Oh, that ol’ thing,” she waved her hand to dismiss it’s importance.  “I just came back from a family visit.”  She leaned closer to him, implying confidentiality.  “Actually, I expect it would have been a situation ya’ll are familiar with.  My little sister had one of them shotgun weddings and gave birth to her little one on the floor of the church.”  She giggled wickedly.  “You should have seen Momma’s eyes when the baby came out looking like the best man.”

 

“Okay, are we ready to go?”  Marlena interrupted the conversation, saving a staggered John from having to come up with any kind of reply.

 

“Have fun, bring back some pics for me, okay?” Lucie swung back, leaving the doorway clear.

 

“All right,” Marlena nodded with her gentle smile.  “But I want you to take your time to settle back in.  Go out this afternoon, go and have some fun all right?”

”Hey, you don’t need to tell me twice,” Lucie looked delighted.  “I’ll see you later then.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Dammit Baker!”  Roman slammed the file on the desk angrily.  “What the hell do you mean the trail went cold?  I ask you to do one simple job and you can’t even do that.”

 

“Roman,” Abe’s voice held an unspoken warning.  He knew Roman was eager to catch whomever had held Carrie, they all were.  But raising the men’s hackles wasn’t the best way to achieve that goal.

 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry…” Roman rubbed his forehead trying to relieve the tension headache that was growing behind his temples.

 

“That’s okay sir,” the young man hoped his distress wasn’t as obvious as it usually was.  The curse of having red hair was that when he blushed it usually showed right to the tips of his ears, his freckles fading into insignificance.

 

“What information *do* you have Baker?”  Abe asked patiently. 

 

“We know when Mrs. Reed returned to the apartment, but not how she arrived there.  Beyond that, forensics is still working on her suitcase.  Results should be in tomorrow.”

 

“No witnesses either when she left or when she arrived back?” Abe asked.

 

“Uh-uh,” Baker shook his head.  “It’s weird.  No witnesses, no prints, no evidence at all.”

 

“Not weird if you know DiMera,” Roman muttered as he pushed himself off the desk.  “So now we just have to sit around and wait for forensics?”

 

“And hope they come up with something we can use,” Abe reminded him.

 

“He’s covered his tracks too well so far,” Roman leaned against the filing cabinet and pushed his fingers through unruly curls.  “And every minute that goes by, the less chance we have of finding him.”  He frowned, the thought of Carrie lying in the hospital bed, shattered and helpless was almost too much motivation.  “Forensics better come up with something or we’re going to lose the trail completely.”

 

 

******

 

 

John’s mind spun as the elevator made its way slowly to the basement.   I expect it would have been a situation ya’ll are familiar with……  Okay so she was a friend of Carrie’s.  But to know something that intimate?  Or was it just a coincidence?

 

“I’m glad you managed to get away,” Marlena said softly, interrupting his muddled thoughts.

 

“Hmmm?” he turned to her, “Oh.”  A smile expanded across his face.  “Well, I missed the doctor’s appointment, I didn’t want to miss this too.  We get to see our baby today.

”

“I know,” Marlena lifted her shoulders in a gesture of excitement.  When she had been pregnant with Belle, the possibility of John being her father and the threat that had posed to her marriage to Roman had been enough to dull the exhilaration and joy in the small miracles of pregnancy.

 

But this time she and John were together and able to share it and she wanted to cherish those small, precious moments so that she could hold them in her memory for all time.  This was their second chance, their opportunity to relish and get things right.  And she was determined that nothing would spoil it.

 

Helping her into the car, John took the opportunity to kiss her softly.

 

“I’ve missed you baby,” his wink was almost lost among the heavy, rumbling words. 

 

“I’ve missed you too,” the gold charms of her bracelet were cool against his neck but her lips were hot against his own.

 

Her tongue was demanding as it searched his mouth, her hands tight in his hair.  His own fingers brushed her collarbones as he moved his hands down over the front of her dress, cupping her heavy breasts in his palms.  Marlena gasped as his searching fingers became more insistent and they pulled away from each other, eyes reflecting their unconsummated desire.

 

“Uh, we’d better get going or we’ll be late for the appointment,” John mumbled with a hint of embarrassment.

 

“Sure,” Marlena was flushed and breathless as he closed the door, and she buckled the belt over her stomach. 

 

She couldn’t remember how long it had been since she had felt this way around him.  Nervous and almost shy, like she was getting to know him again.  But between them, as always, there was this intense sexual attraction that made her want him almost constantly.  It made for an intoxicating combination, as it had been, even back in West Virginia all those years ago.

 

John pulled out of the basement level of Marlena’s building, slipping his sunglasses on to counteract the glare of the afternoon sun.  He had come to the penthouse with every intention to tell her about his run-in with Eugene and finally confess his antipathy towards the man.  But one look at her face had dispelled that objective.

 

She looked unusually frail and worn out and he wondered if she was sleeping.  Obviously she wasn’t getting the rest she needed and discussing Q with her was only going to add to her burden.  As much as he might need to get his feelings off his chest, he didn’t want it to create more stress for her and that’s what he feared it would do.  And he had already lumped her with enough over the last couple of years to last a lifetime.

 

Just a few more days… 

 

As soon as Kristen gave birth, he could start the fight for custody and move into the penthouse with Marlena, which would negate any reason left for Eugene to stay there.  And once the man wasn’t living with Marlena anymore, John knew that he would finally be able to relax.  Surely the jealousy and anger would start to fade then, once he had his family to himself and Marlena in his arms.  Once the reminders of the past were gone, then he could get past this resentment, and they could move forward with their life together.  Just a few more days……

 

 

******

 

“Hi baby,” Trudie dropped a kiss on Roman’s lips before sliding into the booth opposite him.

 

“Hi.”  He pushed the knife into the pile of salt that sat solitary on the tabletop.

 

“Roman?” she cocked her head on one side, trying to work out what was up with him.

 

“Mmmm?” he looked up.  “Oh I’m sorry.”  He sighed heavily.  “It’s just been one of those days.”

 

“Bad news?” she swung one long leg over the other and rubbed her foot down Roman’s denim-clad shin.  “Wanna talk about it?”

 

“It’s just another dead end,” he said in a hoarse voice.  “Wherever we turn to try to find out where Carrie was, it seems like we come up against a brick wall.  And what we *do* find was left for us to find.”  He ran his fingers through tangled curls.  “I feel like we’re always one step behind and I’m damned if I know how to catch up.”

 

“You will honey,” Trudie said soothingly as she laid a hand over his.  “They’ll slip up sooner or later and then you’ll get them.”

 

“But what if it’s too late Trudie?” his coffee-colored eyes were haunted as he looked at her.  “You haven’t seen Carrie.  You haven’t seen what this has done to her, how this had destroyed her.  What kind of a father am I if I can’t avenge that?  If I can’t make sure it doesn’t happen again?  I mean, who’s next?”

 

“Roman,” Trudie could feel his pain, his frustration at not being able to get out there and work the case like the young, fit cops on the force.  But she also knew his experience was invaluable on the shop floor.  “If anyone can find this person, it’s you.  You have the motivation; you have the will to do it.  Carrie is lucky to have you for a dad.  And so are Sami and Eric, even if they don‘t always realize it.  There was nothing you could have done to stop this happening to Carrie.  You weren’t even in Salem……”

 

“Yeah, well maybe if I had been, none of this would have happened at all,” Roman snapped uncharacteristically.

 

“Roman…” Trudie sighed, shaking her head.  She loved him but sometimes he drove her crazy.

 

“Roman,” Shawn called out his son’s name from the bar.  “There’s a call for ya, son.”

 

“Thanks Pop,” he squeezed Trudie’s hand briefly as he slipped out of the booth and made his way to the bar.

 

“Brady here.”

 

“Roman, it’s Abe,” his partner’s richly familiar voice resonated over the line.  “We just got the call from forensics.”

 

“And?” Roman felt the familiar rush of adrenaline spreading through his body.

 

“They’ve traced the mud on Carrie’s suitcase.  It comes from an industrial site about ten miles upriver.”

 

“*Yes*,” Roman hissed triumphantly.  Finally, a positive lead, one he could work on and sink his teeth into.

 

“I’ll send Clarke over in a car to pick you up, buddy,” Abe preempted his next request.  “We’ll see you there.”

 

“Thanks partner,” Roman put down the phone and turned back to where Trudie was watching him intently. 

 

“Sorry, baby,” he shrugged.

 

“Just go and find the bastard, okay?” she told him with a slight smile.  “I’ll see you when you get back.”

 

“Okay,” he nodded and kissed her gently.  “Keep that thought, okay?”

”No problem captain,” she saluted and he slapped her lightly on the bottom with a grin before he left the pub in his search for Carrie’s kidnapper.

 

 

******

 

 

“So, Marlena,” Dr. Robbins sat on the side of the exam bed.  “How are you feeling?”

 

“Tired,” she admitted with a small smile.

 

“You’ve been resting as per my instructions I hope?” Dr. Robbins crossed his arms over his leg with a smile.  “I don’t want to have to reprimand you.”

 

“Well, I don’t know if resting would be the appropriate term,” the laughter twinkled mutedly in her tired eyes.  “My nanny had to rush home due to a family emergency and the children have been a bit of a handful.”

 

“Ah,” he leaned his head on one side, “will she be back soon?”

 

“She arrived back today, thank goodness!”  Marlena laughed lightly.  “I’m wondering how on earth I ever coped without her.”

 

John stood beside the exam table listening to the conversation and his brow creased.  That was odd.  Since when was attending a shotgun wedding a family emergency?  Something had been bothering him about Lucie ever since she had arrived on the scene and the feeling was only growing every time he saw her.

 

The sound of Dr. Robbins’ voice pulled him from his thoughts.

 

“Well then, let’s see what we can see shall we?”  The dusky-haired doctor slipped from the bed and pulled the ultrasound trolley closer to his patient. 

 

Drawing back the sheet, he exposed the small bulge of Marlena’s stomach, her skin stretched tightly over the small, precious life inside.  Marlena turned her head, searching for John and he reached his hand out to cover hers.  Feeling his other arm slip around her shoulder she relaxed slightly, and their eyes met, conveying the apprehension and joy that they both felt.  In a moment they would see their tiny baby on the screen in front of them, a moment that they were sharing for the very first time and it felt wondrous and profound.

 

“All right, this is going to be a little cold,” David Robbins told her as he shook the bottle of gel firmly.

 

“Oooh, you were right about that,” she shivered involuntarily as the gooey substance settled on her belly and John squeezed her hand.

 

“Oookay…,” David took the paddle in his hand, positioning it between his thumb and first two fingers.  Flicking a dial, he pressed the gently humming object to Marlena’s stomach and peered at the screen.

 

It was a moment before the fuzzy white and grey images began to make any sense to Marlena and she realized that what she was looking at was a hand, attached to a tiny arm.

 

“John,” she whispered in an awed voice, “it’s…”

 

“The baby’s hand,” he finished for her, his voice shaking.  Their sweet baby, safe and protected, this was his first sight of it, and he didn’t think he had ever seen anything quite so beautiful.

 

“That’s its leg,” Dr. Robbins drew his finger down the outline of a limb.  “And there, that curve there, is its head.”  He moved the paddle slightly, leaning his head on one side so that his straight, chocolate-colored hair falling over his forehead as he moved.  Marlena was so intent on the screen that she missed the flicker of concern that flashed in his eyes.

 

The image on the screen dissolved into a blur of nebulous grey matter before coalescing into indistinct lines again.

 

“There,” he pointed his finger, “can you see?”

 

“Oh,” Marlena felt the tears form in her eyes as she watched the screen.  “He’s sucking his thumb.”

 

“Woah,” John shook his head.  “You can see that?”

 

“Sure,” the doctor pointed out the tiny digits where they disappeared into the outline of the baby’s head as he explained.  “Babies quite often suck their thumb in the womb.”

 

“I can’t believe this is our baby Doc.  That we’re going to take this little guy home in a few months.”  He peered at the screen again in wonderment.  “It’s got all its fingers and toes right?”

 

“Sure has,” David Robbins smiled.  “Twenty. all present and accounted for.” 

 

He tapped a few buttons, measuring the length of the baby’s forearm and then moved the ultrasound paddle to the side of Marlena’s stomach, gaining another view of the fetus as it floated in its watery haven.

 

“Do you want to know the sex of the child?” he asked as he moved the sensor minutely and tapped another couple of buttons.

 

“Ahhhh,” Marlena looked at John, the question taking her surprise.  It was more the fact that she hadn’t even considered it than the question itself and she was a little thrown.  “I don’t know, do we?”  John too looked surprised but his expression quickly gave way to one of thoughtfulness.

 

“It wasn’t something we had thought about,” he admitted.  “There have kind of been a lot of other things to think about.  It wasn’t high on our agenda.”

 

“No pressure, you know,” David told them as he took another measurement.  “You don’t have to decide now.  If you decide you want to know later on, I can tell you.”

 

“Well, I don’t know about John,” Marlena shrugged, John’s hand heavy and comforting on her shoulder, “but I think I’d rather not know.  I didn’t know with any of the other children and it’s so wonderful having that surprise at the end of all that hard work.”  She turned to John quickly to reassure him.  “But if you want to know….”

 

“No,” he shook his head with a grin.  He had known instinctively that they would agree on this.  It was one of the things that bonded them together, the uncanny ability to be able to tell what the other was thinking and agree with them.  And he suspected that Marlena was remembering as clearly as he was the magical moment when they had held their precious angel Belle together in front of the fire at the Horton cabin.  A cherished moment, etched into his memory for all time.  “I agree, I‘d like to be surprised too.”

 

“Okay, well if you change your mind….” Dr. Robbins made his final set of measurements.

 

“We won’t,” Marlena and John replied in perfect unison.

 

“Hmmmm,” he seemed distracted as he hit a few more buttons.

“What is it, David?” Marlena sensed his shift in mood and her muscles tensed almost involuntarily.  “Is there something wrong?”  The uneasiness that she thought she had banished crept back into her stomach and it clenched with unspoken fear.

 

“Well not…. wrong,” he turned to the couple, his surprise evidenced by the crease between his brows.  “It’s not *wrong*,” he pursed his lips, “but it certainly is *odd*.”  He looked over at the screen and then back at Marlena. 

 

“According to you Marlena, you are around twenty-seven weeks into your pregnancy, right?”

 

“Yeah?” Marlena nodded her head, wondering where he was going with this.

“Well according to the measurements I just took, this baby is more like at thirty-one- or thirty-two-weeks gestation,” he raised his eyebrows.

 

“What?”  Marlena’s eyes clouded with confusion.  “But that’s impossible.  Completely impossible.”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 111 – Livin’ La Vida Sofa

 

 

“Well it might be impossible,” Dr. Robbins fingered the file on the edge of the trolley, his mind obviously working overtime, “But that’s how it is.”

 

“But I *know* when the baby was conceived,” Marlena insisted.  “I know the night.”

 

“I’m not saying that you’re wrong Marlena,” he rushed to soothe her anxiety as he perched himself on the edge of the bed.  “In fact, I know you are right.  It’s all here in your notes.  From your first exam, ultrasound and bloodwork.  Everything adds up to six months ago.  Except for this scan.”

 

“Is there a possibility the machine is faulty?” John’s deep throaty voice roused both the doctor and Marlena from their introspection.  “I mean look at Marlena, Doctor.  I know she doesn’t show much, but she barely looks five months let alone over seven months pregnant.”

 

“No there’s no possibility,” David shook his head.  “The machines are checked and calibrated regularly.  And the reason Marlena visually looks small is because the baby is sitting a long way back.”  He gave her a small smile, “I don’t know how you manage to squash the little tyke in there, but you do.”

 

“I was small with my previous pregnancies,” she said simply, still trying to twist her mind around the unreality that he was suggesting.

 

“Well, that aside,” he crossed one ankle over his leg, “it appears that since we did the last scan at,” he consulted his notes, “twenty-two weeks, this baby has put on a growth spurt that would probably make the Guinness Book.”

 

“That’s twice as fast as he should have grown,” Marlena said thoughtfully.

 

“Mmmm-hmmmm,” David nodded.  “And if it continues to grow at this rate, you’d better be prepared to deliver a lot sooner than you expected to.”

 

“Sooner?”  John looked at the doctor and then at Marlena.

 

“Well yeah,” Marlena’s golden eyes gleamed as she looked up at him.  “It’s a possibility.”

 

“How can you be so calm about this Doc?” John exploded, “I mean is there a possibility that something is *wrong* with the baby?”  He directed the question at the doctor and David Robbins caught the flash of intensity in his dark cobalt eyes

.

“No,” he shook his head.  “The bloods I took from Marlena when she came to see me the other day indicate that the baby is fine and perfectly healthy and normal.  So does the scan, apart from the fact that the fetus is larger than expected.”

 

“So, what’s caused this then?” John asked, feeling the frustration creep up on him, the heat rising irritably up his neck.

 

“To be honest,” the doctor said candidly, “I have no idea.  I’ll run over the bloodwork again, but I really don’t think that I am going to be able to come up with an explanation for this one.”  He looked at Marlena with sincere eyes.  “I’m sorry.”

 

“You’ll let us know if you come up with anything won’t you?” she asked quietly.

 

“Of course I will,” he nodded kindly.  “And I want you to come and see me weekly from now on so we can keep a close eye on what’s going on, all right?”

 

“Okay,” she nodded readily.  She wasn’t about to risk the health of her child.  She’d do all it took to make sure it was safe.

 

 

“I think I’m destined to never carry a child to term,” Marlena joked weakly once they were back in the car.  “How odd that Kristen is overdue, and I may deliver early.”

 

“What did you say?” John blinked as her words rang in his ears.

 

“I said that Kristen is overdue and-“

 

“Kristen’s baby is small for its gestation date and yours is large,” John looked at her, relief suddenly wreathing his face.  “Do you see what that means Doc?”

 

“No,” she shook her head, a confused frown on her lips.  “What *are* you talking about?”

 

“About the twins,” John grinned.  “Kristen lost one of the twins.  I think that *this* baby is the twin to the one she is carrying….”

 

“….so because we’re due at different dates, the babies are growing at different rates,” Marlena finished for him, but the amazement on her face indicated that she wasn’t quite sure that she believed it.  “That’s *way* too weird John.”

 

“Aw c’mon Doc, what else about this has been normal?” John asked her with a grin.  “Everything from start to finish has been weird.  Why should this be any different?  And what other reason could explain all the facts?”

 

“Well….” Marlena paused as she considered his words.  He was of course right.  Nothing about this whole situation, from start to finish, had been normal.  Why was it so hard to accept this possibility?  “I suppose you could be right,” she shrugged.  “And at least it would mean that there was nothing wrong with either of the babies,” she brightened visibly at that concept.

 

“Exactly,” John felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.  It explained the slow growth of the babe that Kristen was carrying as well as the fact that she was overdue by a week now.  But that thought was immediately followed by another realization, one that Marlena voiced for him.

 

“But if that’s the case and I’m going to give birth earlier, then Kristen could very well give birth a lot later than we expected.”  Her shoulders slumped as she looked across to where John sat, his hands slackening on the wheel of the Jeep.  “We might be apart for weeks yet.”

 

 

******

 

“Well, hi Samantha,” Lucie slung her arm around the young woman’s shoulders.  “Who’s your friend?”  She eyed Mike Horton up with critical eyes before deciding she liked what she saw.

 

“Uh, Lucie, this is Dr. Mike Horton.”  Sami made the introduction a little uncomfortably.  She knew Lucie from when she and Carrie were friendly but somehow the girl always made her feel like a kid again.  “Mike, this is Belle and Brady’s nanny, Lucie Vanderbilt.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Mike’s voice was characteristically soft as he held out his hand to shake Lucie’s.

 

“Pleasure is mine,” Lucie flirted as her emerald eyes sparkled.

 

“Why don’t you join us?” Mike indicated the tall stool next to him.  “I was just going to get another coffee.  Do either of you ladies want anything?”

 

“No thanks,” Sami shook her head and stirred the ice in her coke with her straw.  “I’m fine with this.”

 

“Oh, I’d love a sweet tea please,” Lucie dropped her bag next to the stool, “I’m just dying for a drink, you’re such a sweetheart.”

 

“No problem,” Mike blushed slightly as he slipped off his stool and made his way to the window to order the drinks.”

 

“What a honey,” Lucie stared after him admiringly, her eyes drifting downward, “and what a *cute* butt!”  She turned to Sami with dancing eyes.  “Is he taken?”

 

“Uh,” Sami blinked, surprised by Lucie’s straightforwardness, “not that I know of.  I guess.”

 

“Good,” Lucie’s gaze became slightly predatory as she turned back to look at Mike.  “Because I think I’d like to teach that young doc some new tricks.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Doc, I just want to call the loft and make sure Kristen is okay.  Do you mind?”  John asked gently.  Marlena could feel his voice rumbling low in his chest where her head lay rested against him.  His arms were around her as they lay together on the sofa and one hand rested gently on her swelling stomach.

 

“Of course I don’t mind,” Marlena knew it was a lie even as she said it.  She did mind, she minded very much every time she was reminded of that woman and everything she stood for, not least the power that she unknowingly held over them. 

 

It was irrational, she knew.  John was here with her, holding her in his arms.  He wanted her, wanted the rest of his life to be shared with her.  But still she felt this spasm of insecurity every time she thought of Kristen and the past.

 

“I won’t be long,” John reached for the portable phone, which lay on the table.

 

“I think I’ll go and get a drink,” Marlena murmured, disengaging herself from John’s arms and pushing herself away from him.

 

Ignoring the nagging backache that was spreading across her lower back, she made her way to the archway, waiting unconsciously for John’s voice.  It wasn’t that she wanted to hear him talking to Kristen.  In face she could imagine nothing worse.  She had already experienced enough of that to last her a lifetime.  It was just that….. well, she didn’t really know what it was.  Just a vague knowledge that it bothered her, and she didn’t know how to handle those feelings.  And so, she found herself trapped, impaled like a butterfly on a pin, as she tried to work through the inner struggle that tormented her.

 

“Hi Maya, it’s John here,” Marlena found herself lingering at the archway as his voice filled the room behind her.  “Yeah, how is she?  She called work?  Yeah, Nicki’s good like that.”  He laughed.  “I think she likes Kristen about as much as you do.  Mmmmm.  Sorry ‘bout that.”

 

Marlena looked longingly at the kitchen door, wanting desperately to remove herself from earshot, but something in her, some uncertainty held her back, made her listen as he talked.

 

“Hi baby, how are you feeling?”  His voice was soft as Marlena slipped around the corner of the archway and leant against the wall, trying to catch her breath as the panic suddenly swamped her.  It was stupid she knew; it was the hormones making her feel this way.  But what Kristen represented was loss and destruction. 

 

Marlena knew in her head that after everything that had happened it was illogical.  But the bottom line was the Kristen was a DiMera and the DiMera’s didn’t stop until they got what they wanted. And Kristen wanted John.  And she would stop at nothing to get him back once she knew she had lost him.

 

“Well, you know I can’t be disturbed in meetings…  Yes, it’s important, I wouldn’t be here otherwise, would I?”  He sighed and she could imagine how he was stroking his eyebrow, something he did out of habit.  “Of course I love you sweetheart.  How many times have we been through this?  I just have so much to catch up on.”

 

Marlena pressed her hands against the wall as she tried to regain her balance.  He doesn’t mean it.  He’s only saying it so she won’t be suspicious.  He loves you.  *Then why is he acting so strangely?*  Don’t doubt him now Marlena.  After everything you have been through to find your way back to each other, you can’t doubt his love for you.  *I don’t, it’s just…… it still hurts…. *

 

“I’ll try and get home as early as I can, I have to do this business dinner this evening.  No, I’d rather be at home with you, of course I would.  Well, if that happens then Maya will call me and I’ll meet you at the hospital.  Why do you think it might?” 

 

He paused for a moment and Marlena closed her eyes tightly.  He sounded so believable.  Would she believe him if she was Kristen?  Surely, she knew him better than Kristen did, surely she would be able to gauge his sincerity a little more accurately.  And the simple fact was that he would never lie to her, would he?  Surely….

 

“Sounds like Braxton-Hicks to me baby.  And Maya is a nurse so you know you can trust her.  Yes I *know* you want me home Kristen, but I can’t get away.”  He was starting to sound a little edgy and frustrated.  “Yes, I promise I will.  Yes baby.  You too.”  There was another pause and he sighed.  “Yes I love you.”

 

Marlena felt nauseous as she dashed for the kitchen, finally unable to torture herself any longer.  Her hands splayed against the cool surface of the bench, she fought for breath as the baby squirmed within her. 

 

Dammit!  You’re not supposed to still feel like this.  This pain was supposed to go away. 

 

She felt as though she was going crazy.  She should be happy now.  She and John should be having the most wonderful time together; enjoying the time they had with each other.  But instead, fate seemed to keep intervening, throwing one thing after another at them.  And they were not only fighting fate, but they seemed to be helping it on its miserable way, becoming more and more distant from each other as they tried harder and harder to deny it.

 

John had apologized, she had torn him apart and then he had apologized again.  And she still couldn’t let it go, couldn’t surrender the fear and the pain and the jealousy that Kristen DiMera evoked.  Most of the time she tried successfully to ignore the existence of the woman, the important place she still held in their lives, a place that somehow put her between John and Marlena, however much they tried to deny it.

 

Marlena groaned as she straightened up, feeling a tiny foot shoot straight into her liver as the baby tried to stretch its increasingly cramped limbs.  Spinning around slowly, she leaned against the refrigerator, the white metal cool against her bare arms.  Gosh she just wished she could stop thinking like this, stop feeling this way.  She couldn’t stand this anymore, the jealousy, the uncertainty.  It was wrong, she had no cause to feel this way, but still the feelings haunted her.

 

“Hey baby,” John stood in the doorway, “I thought you were getting a drink?”

 

“I was,” she whispered, her voice swallowed up in the space between them.

 

“Are you okay Doc?” he crossed the room in three strides, gathering her in his arms.  “Do you feel okay?  You’re awfully pale.”

 

“I’m fine,” Her voice was hoarse as she pressed her face against his warm t-shirt and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of him.  She felt his arms tighten around her and she felt like crying.

 

I’m fine…… Nothing’s wrong…… 

 

Lies.  Lies she had heard and lies she was repeating. 

 

Recognition and remorse echoed unkindly inside her mind.

 

“Are you sure sweetheart?” John asked gently as he stroked her hair, feeling her subtle struggle of emotions in his arms.  He knew her almost too well and recognized far too well the play of feelings that her reaction indicated.

 

“Sure,” she lied, her voice muffled in the soft cotton of his t-shirt. 

 

She was too exhausted emotionally to approach this with him.  She just didn’t want to think about it anymore.  She wanted him to hold her and kiss her and….

 

Looking up at him with wide amber eyes fringed with dark lashes, she moistened her lips seductively.

“I want you to make love to me.”

 

 

******

 

 

“I have to go and pick up Will from the Pub,” Sami said suddenly, interrupting Mike and Lucie from their discussion.

 

“Oh, can I come with you?” Lucie asked suddenly.  “I’ve missed those little kiddies something dreadful.”

 

“Sure,” Sami agreed, hiding her simmering resentment from Carrie’s friend. 

 

She had been so pleased when she had bumped into Mike this afternoon and he had suggested they have a drink.  She felt so comfortable with him, he was so easy to talk to and she was enjoying their conversation about children.  While Robin had been killed in the bomb blast in Israel, Jeremy had been found several hours later, being tended to in a nearby house.  He had come home to stay with his father shortly afterwards and Mike was struggling with the vagaries of being a single parent, something Sami had much experience with.  And despite the age difference between them, Mike treated her like an equal, asking her opinion and giving value to it, a respect that people so rarely gave to her.  But then Lucie had interrupted and now, after monopolizing Mike’s attention, she wanted to tag along with Sami.

 

“Perhaps you’d like to come along, and we could grab some dinner later?” Lucie asked suggestively.

 

“That sounds nice, thanks,” Mike smiled at the young blonde.  She was quite intriguing, fascinating even, and he could hardly keep his eyes off her.  Dinner sounded good and getting to know more about young Lucie Vanderbilt sounded even better.

 

 

******

 

 

“What did you say?” John asked, pulling back from Marlena a little.

 

“I said I want you to make love to me,” her voice was thick with passion as she gazed up at him and her golden eyes ensnared him like a fly in honey.

 

“I…” he wasn’t sure what to say.  He knew why she did this; it was a tactic she used when she didn’t want to discuss what was bothering her.  But at the same time, he was wary about pushing her too much, causing her too much stress.  Perhaps this was the kind of affirmation and reassurance they both needed

 

“What can I do to persuade you?” she murmured as she determinedly wound her arms around his neck.  “Let’s see,” she hummed, her breath hot against the skin of his neck.  “How about…. this?”  John groaned as he felt her tongue graze his neck.  “Hmmm, do you like that baby?” she whispered sensually as she drifted her lips up the side of his neck.  “What about this?”  She slid her wet tongue around his earlobe in an extremely erotic gesture as her hand slid down over his waist and over his hard buttock.

“Oh Doc,” he gasped, almost painfully, as she lifted her eyes to his and gazed at him from below heavy lids.

 

“Hmmmm?”  She wanted him badly now and she wasn’t about to take no for an answer.  She’d make sure of that if she had to.

 

“Doc, don’t you think we….”

 

“Shhhhh” she touched her finger to his lips.  “I don’t want to hear any arguments from you.  We have this place to ourselves, let’s make the most of it.”

 

He said nothing for a moment, simply looked at her.  She was beautiful, as always, but there was something indefinable about her now, some sense of desperation and determination that made her utterly irresistible. 

 

Her blonde hair curled around her face, framing reddened cheeks and scarlet lips.  Her hazel eyes burned gold and copper as she breathed deeply, her chest rising and falling beneath the soft linen.

 

Reaching up a little she whispered warm, moist lips over his.

 

“I love you,” she said in a throaty voice.  “Let me show you how much.”  She didn’t give him a chance to answer as her fingers negotiated their way around the stiff denim of his jeans and between them. 

 

Gracefully, she moved so that she was behind him, her arm still hooked ever his shoulder and across his chest.  Rubbing him gently, she could feel him hardening beneath her fingers and the ragged breathing that came from him told her that his willpower was weakening.  She flicked her tongue against his earlobe again before sucking it gently into her mouth and swirling her tongue hotly around it.

 

“So, what do you say?” her voice was hardly audible but with her mouth pressed against his ear, John could almost sense the words through the fog of lust that her actions were producing.

 

“Oh, Marlena,” he was panting, hardly able to get the words out, but still her fingers were insistent and merciless.

 

“Is that a yes?” a sexy grin slipped onto her face.  She knew what she was doing to him and part of her got a real kick out of playing him so easily.

 

“Oh God, *yes*!”  The words exploded from him as he grabbed her wrist and twisted around, catching the other wrist.  Pushing her backwards against the refrigerator, he pinned her arms above her and bent to crush her lips with his mouth.

 

His tongue was hard and demanding as it entered her mouth, plundering, exploring with relish.  Then Marlena was gasping for breath as he broke from her lips and bent his mouth to her neck.  She moaned as his teeth dug almost savagely into the delicate skin and raked across it.  He was teaching her a lesson she knew, but she didn’t care.  In fact, she welcomed it.  She wanted to know that she was his and only his, and that he was only hers.  She wanted him to leave his mark on her as she intended to leave hers on him.  She didn’t care about any consequences but this moment.  She wanted him, she wanted to possess him and to own him and she wanted him to know it.

 

Encompassing both her wrists with one strong hand, John dropped his free hand and began to massage her breasts as his mouth ravaged her throat, sucking on the soft, sweet flesh there, devouring as much of her as he could.  He could feel the moaning as it vibrated deep in her throat, and it encouraged him as he moved his thumb over the linen that covered a hardening nipple.  G*d, he wanted her, wanted to take her now, bury himself deep inside her and hear her screaming his name.  He wanted it, he needed it.  Needed to banish the demons that tormented him.  Maybe it wasn’t the best reason for making love to her, but right now, he didn’t really care.

 

“John,” Marlena moaned as his mouth roamed over the area above her collarbones.  “John, please….”

 

“What do you want, baby?” he asked in an almost growl as his fingers ceased their relentless exploration. 

 

“You,” she panted, staring into bottomless indigo eyes, “I want you.”

 

“What do you want me to do to you Marlena?” he demanded, making her aware that this was payback for teasing him.  When she didn’t answer, he moved his hand and stroked his fingers lightly up the inside of her thigh, sending rivers of lust pouring through her.  “What do you want me to do?” he repeated the question, his face deadly serious as his eyes bored into her.

 

“Oh G*d,” it came out almost as a sob, “I want you to make love to me.  I need to feel you inside of me.  I need to feel you John….  *Please*….”

 

The answer was good enough for him and releasing one wrist and hooking his hand around the back of her neck, he pulled her to him, crushing her lips with a brutal kiss.  Desperately, she clutched a handful of his hair and returned the kiss with equally hungry force.

 

But she had barely begun to taste him when John broke off the kiss and taking her by the wrist, pulled her into the living room.  Deciding that she was losing too much control in this situation, Marlena resisted, stopping as they neared the couch and pulling John to her.  With warm fingers, she pulled the hem of his t-shirt out from his jeans and moved her hands up and under the green cotton.

 

The muscles in John’s abdomen tensed as he felt her fingers negotiating the sensitive skin, creeping up over his stomach to coil in the dark hair.  Fingers, deft and sure brushed against firm nipples as her mouth found his neck and he groaned with need.  He needed to touch her, to taste her.  To hear her.

 

In a single movement, he stripped himself of his shirt and gripping her wrists in iron fingers he bent his head to kiss her.  She surrendered herself to his demanding exploration as he pulled her with him to the sofa and somehow, they ended up together on the sofa.  Drawing her legs up so that she was lying on her back looking up at John, Marlena caught her breath.  His eyes were burning with lust and need, and his expression reminded her of one so many years ago……

 

Straddling her hips with denim clad thighs, John bent his head to hers, nipping her lower lip savagely with his teeth.  The pain sent threads of lust through her, and she cried out in distress and excitement. 

 

Moving his lips down to her throat and trailing them over her chest, John fought to contain the anguish he felt.  The noises she was making were enough to invoke the demons, the memories that haunted him and he resented the fact that Q could come between them even at a time like this.  Hated the fact that that man had touched this beautiful, perfect skin, had heard this voice cry his name.  Hated the fact that someone else had brought Marlena pleasure, had made her cry out in ecstasy.  And how she had cried out.  Her voice still echoed in his ears, and he couldn’t banish it.  Except maybe if he could replace it with her voice calling *his* name…. then maybe……

 

Yeah Johnny you remember how she sounded don’t you?  How she enjoyed it.  You can still hear her whimpering his name over and over in your nightmares….  The little devil laughed gleefully, and John pressed his eyes tightly closed, trying to block out the thoughts that invaded his head.  He didn’t have to give in to this, he could block it out, forget it, ignore it.  He wouldn’t let this, he wouldn’t let *him* win again.

 

“John,” Marlena whimpered as John’s mouth slackened against her skin.  She had felt his body tense against hers, a feeling that was becoming all too familiar.  She didn’t think she could bear it if he pulled away from her now, if he let the gulf between them widen.  She needed to feel him, needed to move against him, needed to know that he needed her.

 

Hearing the plea in her voice moved John to action.  She wanted him and he couldn’t let Eugene Bradford destroy this too.  He was damned if he would lose her again.  He was going to make her forget Eugene Bradford existed.  He would erase the memory of the man’s touch, of the pleasure he brought.  Skin against skin.  He would be the only one she remembered.  The only one she wanted.  Would ever want.  He would burn his imprint on her soul and obliterate all past remembrances.  She was his.  She always had been, and she always would be.

 

Maybe this was about proving to Marlena that she had made the right decision, that no one could make her happier than he could.  Or maybe it was about proving it to himself.  Either way, it didn’t matter.  She needed him and he wasn’t going to let her down again.

 

Pulling her up to a sitting position, he sat back on his heels and looked at her concerned face.  Bringing one hand up to cup her cheek he smiled. 

 

“Don’t look so worried baby,” he reassured her even as his other hand searched out the zipper in the back of her dress.

 

Leaning in to kiss her, he pulled down the small tab, the dress falling loose around her shoulders.  The kiss became more impassioned, more desperate as he pulled the shift down around her arms and over her stomach.  Marlena fell back against the cushions as he lifted her hips and roughly pulled the fabric down around her legs.  As she reached out to unbuckle the belt around his waist, he unzipped the jeans and kicked them off quickly.

 

He moved over her once again but before he could do anything, she curled one hand around his neck and pulled him down to her.  The kiss was hungry and eager, the lust hot and needy.  John pulled the slip forcefully down over her shoulders, tearing it in the process.  The sound of the ripping fabric was simply a fan to the flames and hungrily, he tore the slip from her body, discarding it on the floor beside the sofa.

 

A moment later, her bra was beside it and John leant to flick his tongue over her nipple.  He was rewarded as Marlena cried out and arched her back almost involuntarily.  Holding her down with a hand on each shoulder, he bent his head and began to suck almost brutally on one nipple and then the other.

 

He could feel her moving under him, crying out in anguish and passion as he bit her, forgoing gentleness for the moment.

 

“John, oh G*d,” she squirmed under him.  “Please….”   This waiting was like torture and all she wanted was to feel him inside her, thrusting, hard and sure.

 

Moving up the sofa, John covered her mouth with his again as with one hand he removed her panties.  In reciprocation, Marlena helped him remove his boxers and then took him in her hands, running her fingers over his length, pounding and hot.  He groaned as she stroked him, her fingers ruthless and excruciatingly arousing his lust to new heights.

 

“*Doc*,” he grunted as he removed her hands, pushing them up over her head.

 

“I need you John,” her voice was hoarse and ragged as he leaned over her breasts again, teasing her with his tongue. 

 

She felt the exquisite pain once more as his teeth nipped her and she whimpered, her hips rolling upwards to seek him, her shoulders moving back as she arched her spine.  He did it again and she sobbed as her hips rocked upwards in instinctive rhythm.

 

“John, please,” her voice was drenched with her desire for him, the craving and the recklessness.  “I want you, I *need* you inside me.”

 

“Unnnhh,” his own hips strained towards hers.  He wanted her as badly as she wanted him.  “Oh Marlena,” he moved against her as he reached up to search her mouth again.  She could feel him, hard and slick against her belly as he moved between her legs, his tongue penetrating her mouth, wet and demanding.

 

“Oh, mmmmm,” she felt his fingers sweep urgently over her.  She was warm and moist and more than ready.  Drawing up her knees, she raised her hips and moaned his name, rolling her head back.

 

“Marlena,” he groaned her name deep in his throat as he entered her, thrusting hard and fast.  Marlena cried out as she felt him penetrate her, the solid heat filling her, possessing her, uniting with her.  Wrapping her legs around his hips, she pulled him deeper into her and he cried out as her nails scored his back.

 

She was sticky and hot as he moved inside her, plunging deeply into her before withdrawing quickly and then thrusting into her again.  She was sighing beneath him as he moved, her hips rocking against his as she imitated the frantic rhythm that he had created.  It was hard and aggressive lovemaking, almost brutal in its urgency but it was exciting and intensely passionate.

 

“Mmmm, John,” Marlena whimpered between clenched teeth as he thrust repeatedly, giving no respite as he pounded into her.  Bending his head, John drew his tongue wetly over the hollow at the base of her throat before teasing the flesh there, biting and sucking her even as he moved inside her.  Her nails dug grooves into his muscled back and as his attention wavered, she sank her teeth into the sensitive skin of his shoulder.

 

John yelped with the pain, but it seemed to merely fan his lust as he moved even faster.  Beneath him, Marlena’s breathing was shallow, and she whimpered with every thrust.  She looked divine, both wanton and innocent as her chest rose and fell with labored breaths.  Her crimson, bruised lips moved slightly as she breathed in and out and her hair was messy with damp curls.  G*d he loved her so much.

 

“I want to hear you Doc,” John told her, his voice strained as he struggled to maintain control.  “I want to hear you crying my name when you come.”

 

“Mmmm,” she pressed her lips together, arching her back, her muscles tensing.  “Oh, oh John.”

 

“That’s its baby,” he moved his hips faster and even harder as he felt her shudder slightly beneath him.  “Let me hear you.  Tell me how you feel.”

 

“John, oh G*d, John,” she moaned, her voice rising as she moved against him, their bodies damp with perspiration.  “Oh yeah, mmmm.  Oh that feels…oh, oh.”

 

“Oh Doc,” she was hot and tense in his arms and he needed to possess her, needed to know beyond a doubt that he was the *only* one in her mind.

 

“John,” her cries were becoming louder as their lovemaking became more frenetic and the sound of her calling his name urged him on. 

 

“Mmm, John, John,” Marlena cried out as she tensed, the orgasm overtaking her swiftly as he continued to pound into her.

 

“That’s it, baby,” he encouraged her.  “Let it out.  I want to hear you come.”

“Oh John,” her hips rocked beneath him as the orgasm swept through her and she screamed his name so that it echoed through the living room.

 

“Oh Marlena, Doc, baby,” he felt as though he might pass out as liquid fire poured through him as he came hard and fast, deep inside her. 

 

With a raspy voice, he repeated her name over and over again as he eked out the last moments of the sweet agony before they slowly collapsed together on the sofa, exhausted in each other’s arms…

 

 

 

 

Chapter 112 – Shattered Hopes…

 

 

“Damn him!”  Kristen stomped on the picture of John and Marlena with Belle, grinding her heel mercilessly into the child’s angelic face.  “*Damn* him!”  Swiping the picture off the hardwood floor, she screwed it up between scrawny fingers, vicious rage lending to the pleasure that she felt in seeing Marlena’s face crumpled and torn.

 

“How *dare* you try and take him from me,” she spat at the picture.  “I won’t *let* you.  I won’t let you get your hands on him you *bitch*!”   She screwed the photograph into a ball and hurled across the room with all the venom she could muster.  “I won’t let it happen.  I won’t let him leave me!”

 

Her shrieking seemed to increase an octave as she worked herself up and a beautiful glass vase sailed across the room after the picture, shattering into jagged shards on contact with the exposed brickwork of the wall.

 

“Damn you John,” her sobbing punctured the silence, and it was joined by discordant tinkling as a fragment of broken glass teetered off the screwed-up wad of photographic garbage.  She hated him.  Hated them all.  All the smug, smiling do-gooders that made your business, their business.  All their sympathetic, *pathetic* glances when they thought she wasn’t looking.  All their pitiable lies.

 

Now, even Peter was lying to her.  She knew it.  She could feel deep in her gut, in the blood that ran frigid through her veins, that John was with Marlena.  That he was lying through his teeth every time he denied it.  Every time he fed her some bullsh*t about going to another business meeting. 

 

She could smell the deception in the air, from John, Maya, Nicole and Peter.  From everyone.  And she hated them all.  But most of all, she hated Marlena.

 

*Bitch*.  Thieving, whoring *slut*.

 

“Think you’re going to take John, do you?” her lips curled into an ugly scowl.  “You think you can just take what doesn’t belong to you?  Well, I’ve got news for you Dr. Saint Marlena Evans.”

 

She looked up at the bureau where there was another picture of Belle and Marlena set among mementoes of a life before Kristen.

 

“Well, you *can’t*!”  Wrathfully, she reached around and tore the cord to a lamp from the socket in the wall.  Turning and yanking the lamp from the bed stand, she stomped over to the bureau and with a violent sweep of the lamp; she demolished both the lampshade and bulb, and the knick-knacks of the top of the bureau.

 

Hardly aware of the havoc around her, Kristen continued.

 

“I won’t let you have him, you bitch.”  The picture lay face up on the floor, Marlena and her daughter smiling virtuously from behind cracked glass.  With both hands around the base of the lamp stand, Kristen brought the jagged bulb down against the glass, splintering it further.  “I won’t, I *won’t*!  You bitch, you *bitch*!!”  She brought the lamp down against the picture over and over again, fracturing the frame and scoring the picture underneath shattered glass until it was barely recognizable.

 

 

“Kristen!” Maya’s voice came from outside the locked door of the bedroom that Kristen had shut herself in and it was beginning to take on an edge of anxiety.  But Kristen didn’t hear her.  She was enjoying herself too much.  “Kristen, let me in.  For G*d’s sake, let me *in*!”   She pounded on the door frantically.  With all the screaming and smashing glass and goodness know what else that was going on in there, Maya knew that there was a real danger Kristen could hurt herself.  And that was precisely what she had been employed to stop happening.

 

She hadn’t even seen it coming.  Kristen had ended her call with John and calmly said she was going upstairs to take a shower.  It wasn’t until Maya had heard the ranting and the shattering of glass that she had realized what was happening.  And now the door was locked, and she had no way of getting in there to find out what was going on.

 

Finishing her demolition job with the lamp, Kristen straightened up, her stomach gripping with the physical and emotional effort of the psychosis she was experiencing.  She was so lost within her rage, her lunacy, that she was barely aware of the reality around her or the consequences of her behavior.  All she knew was that she hated.  *Hated* with a passion.  Hated so much that she was consumed with the hatred.  With thoughts of revenge. 

 

With blackness.

 

 

******

 

 

“Mmmmm,” John kissed her softly scented hair.  “Have I ever told you how wonderful you smell?”

 

“Not recently,” she smiled faintly as she lay in his arms.

 

“Well consider yourself told.”  He pulled the throw further over Marlena, making sure she was covered.  “You smell like…,” he trailed a gentle finger over her jaw, “cream and roses and champagne.  Hmmm,” he cocked an eyebrow, “and true love.”

 

“You’re such a smooth talker,” she laughed lightly, exhausted, but just content to be here in his arms.  She drew searching fingers over the muscles of his chest, the dark hair coarsely familiar beneath her touch. 

 

She loved to see the way he responded to her, the way his muscles twitched under her fingers.  The way his breathing became harsher even when she could barely feel him.  Moving, she pressed her cheek against his warm arm, her lips murmuring over his shoulder.

 

“I love you,” she whispered.

 

“I love you, Marlena,” he breathed against her silky skin before sliding his lips down to hers.

 

“Hey!” he grinned as he pulled back from her, his blue eyes twinkling.  “That little fellow is mighty active down there.”  He burrowed his hand under the throw and caressed the taut skin that protected the tiny life tussling beneath it.

 

“Do you think we disturbed him?” Marlena’s cheeks were flushed, and she looked much more relaxed and happier than she had a few hours earlier.

“Do you think we did?” John suddenly looked worried.  “You don’t think we could have hurt the baby, do you?”

 

“Of course not silly,” Marlena lifted her hand to smooth the hair away from his temples in the most loving of gestures.  “He’s just fine.”

 

His eyes were the color of a summer sky as he looked at her.  His hair was still dark although lightening at the temples now.  But to Marlena that, along with the creases that lined his face, simply gave him character.  They spoke of his history, a history that she shared.  Their life, their love was in every fold, every smile line that graced his beautiful face.  And she would never tire of looking at it.

 

“What?” he asked with a bemused smile.

 

“Oh, I was just thinking how much I love you,” her fingers traced the path that her eyes had just explored, and they arced gracefully down over his cheek, sweeping over his lips and his chin and tracing the outline of his Adam’s apple.  Then her gaze flowed to his chest as her fingers traced small figure of eights in among the thick hair.

 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” John shook his head.  How could anyone help but love this woman?  If he searched for a million years, he could never find anyone that could come close to comparing to her.  She was like an angel made real, a heart and soul so pure that he often wondered how it was that someone like him could deserve her.  How could he have the right to love a creature like this?  It seemed so wrong.  With all the darkness that surrounded him, DiMera, the unknown past, and the stupid decisions he had made….

 

And still, here she was, lying in his arms.  Loving him.  Giving her heart to him.  Making him whole again. 

 

Whatever it was that he had done to deserve her he would be forever grateful.  And he vowed silently never to fail her again.  Because her love for him and his love for her was what brought decency to his life.  *She* made him worthy of her and without her, he was nothing; he knew that with everything he was.  He loved her with everything he had.  And he would never stop loving her, even beyond life and into eternity.

 

“Amazing how?” she asked, her face a picture of serenity as she looked up at him.

 

“You just are,” his voice trembled as he tightened his arms around her.

 

“Hey,” concern weathered her face as she laid a tender hand against his cheek.  “Why so serious?”

 

“I….” he shook his head, his eyes dark and glittering “sometimes you just take my breath away I love you so much. When I look at you, I see my past and my future and I see everything I would ever want to be.”  He smiled self-deprecatingly.  “I’m sounding stupid, but baby, it’s how I feel.  Or rather how you make me feel.”

 

“It doesn’t sound at all stupid,” she said quietly.  “In fact, I think it sounds like one of the sweetest things you’ve ever said to me.”

 

“Well, you are the sweetest thing that ever *happened* to me,” he murmured into her hair.  “You and our babies.”

“Mmmmmm,” she covered his hand, still warm against her stomach, where the baby had now settled.  “Our babies.  Do you think Belle and Brady will like having new brothers or sisters?”

 

“I think they couldn’t help but love them- ” 

 

He was interrupted as he spoke by the shrill ring of his cell phone, which was still in the pocket of his jeans.  “I’d better get that.”  He was apologetic as he scrambled off the sofa before dragging the jeans back and digging the phone from the crumpled denim.

 

“Black here.”

 

“John, it’s Maya.  Listen, you’d better get back here.  Kristen has locked herself in your bedroom and she’s gone absolutely berserk.”  The nurse stopped to catch her breath and John could hear vague noises in the background.  Marlena’s frown grew as she watched his eyes widen.  “I don’t know what she’s done in there but there’s been screaming and smashing glass and G*d knows what else.”  The young woman sounded desperate, and John’s heart lurched.

 

“How long has she been in there?”

 

“About twenty minutes.  I’ve been trying to get her to come out, but I don’t even think she can hear me she’s so beside herself.”

 

“All right, just keep trying to talk to her and calm her down and I’ll get there as soon as I can, okay?”  He ran his fingers through his hair barely noticing that Marlena had pushed herself upright, holding the throw against her with crossed arms.

 

“Just hurry will you.  I think she might listen to you.”  Maya winced as she heard another breakage behind the door.

 

“I’ll be right there.” 

 

John snapped the phone shut and looked at Marlena.  “I’m sorry baby.  You know I wouldn’t leave you now unless it was really important.”

 

“I want to come with you,” Marlena said defiantly.

 

“Oh no,” he shook his head. “Uh-uh, no way.”

 

“It’s my baby *too* John.”  Marlena’s lips were set in a stubborn line.  “If there’s a chance that it might be in danger…”

 

“What could you do?”  John shrugged.  “If I thought you could help Doc, I’d want you there.  But baby, you know how she feels about you.  Having you there will only make matters worse.  From what Maya said, she’s very upset.  I don’t even know what she’s capable of in that frame of mind.”  He shook his head again and cupped her cheek with his hand.  “If there’s even any chance that you might be hurt, that this baby you carry might be hurt, then I can’t take that risk.”  She looked for a moment as if she might argue and he pulled her close.

 

“Doc please, just trust me here, okay?” he kissed her forehead gently.  “Kristen raises your blood pressure at the best of times.  And you’d better believe that this is not one of those best times.  Just leave it to me, okay?”
”Okay,” Marlena sighed, inclining her head in an almost indiscernible nod.  “Just *please* call me as soon as it’s all settled down, will you?”

”Of course I will baby,” he drew his thumb across one blushing cheek.  “Just remember how much I love you until I talk to you again.”

 

“I’ll always remember,” she whispered before he kissed her softly.

 

Watching him pull on his boxers, followed by his jeans and t-shirt, she pulled the throw more tightly around her.  But it couldn’t ward off the chill that settled as she watched him pick up his keys.

 

“I’ll call you as soon as I can Doc,” he leaned over and caught her lips in a tender kiss.  “Love you baby.”

 

“I love you,” she whispered as she watched him leave, pulling the door closed behind him.

 

And then she was alone, once more.

 

A slight breeze lifted the corner of a gossamer curtain as she looked vacantly at the open terrace door.

 

Please let this be over soon.  Please let us just have peace for once.

 

The exhaustion that had temporarily fled her in John’s arms now returned full force.  Settling back against the pillows, she closed her eyes.

 

Please…..

 

 

******

 

 

John closed his eyes and leaned back against the cold strips of metal that surrounded the elevator.  The anxiety that had consumed him on the way over was abating a little, now that he was within reach of the loft.  He had phoned Maya again on the way over and she had told him that she had heard Kristen screaming Marlena’s name in her rage. 

 

Given that, John could take a good stab as to what was going on.  Because when jealousy hit, it hit hard and fast, and if she suspected something was going on, G*d forbid, Kristen wouldn’t be averse to taking it out on something.  Or someone.

 

He heaved a sigh of frustration.  There it was again.  That word.  Jealousy.  The word, the emotion that he was becoming too familiar with.  Now he wasn’t simply feeling it.  Now it was starting to consume him.  The moment he dropped his guard, in a lull of activity or consideration, he found his thoughts drifting once again to the visions, the memories that tormented him.  And he just couldn’t seem to stop it happening.  In fact, it was becoming more and more frequent.

 

Like this afternoon.

 

It had felt so wonderful to hold her in his arms.  Seemed so *right* to make love to her.  But underlying that emotion was the knowledge that it was there again……  slithering in when John least expected it.

 

He hadn’t meant it, hadn’t wanted the jealousy to consume him again.  Hadn’t wanted to think of Eugene while he was making love to Marlena.  That was the very *last* thing he wanted.

 

He kept trying to ignore the jealousy, kept expecting it to ease into a sullen ache that he could eventually dismiss.  But instead, the flame kept igniting every time he was with her.  As though it was being fuelled by her presence, as though just being with her fanned the flames until he was consumed with an inferno of jealousy and resentment.

 

And now when he was with her, when he was making love to her, suddenly he found himself wondering if she was thinking about *him*…….  Was she comparing them, finding John wanting?  Was she wondering if she had made the right choice?

 

The demon that now accompanied him constantly, piped up again merrily.  Did *he * give her more pleasure than you, Johnny-boy? Did you hear the same ecstasy in her voice…..?

 

He shook his head angrily, his eyes flying open.  Dammit, he *knew* he shouldn’t be thinking like this.  He *knew* how much she loved him.  There was no question in his mind.  So why did he persist on torturing himself like this?  Why did he keep on dwelling on what was in the past?  It was only causing him pain and only coming between him and Marlena.  Even their lovemaking this afternoon seemed somehow tainted with the knowledge that he had been trying to prove himself in some stupid contest that existed only in his mind.

 

He sighed as the elevator clunked to a halt.  And now the day was ending with Kristen throwing a tantrum.  That was all he needed, to deal with her and try and allay her fears.  Fears that had only too solid a foundation.  He wasn’t sure that he had it in him to lie to her convincingly again.  But did he really have any choice?

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena stared at the clouds and tried to empty her mind.  The air was cooling and the clouds that dotted the cerulean sky looked as though some cosmic artist had smudged them with a wide-bristled brush.

 

She took a deep breath and bowed her head, her brow sinking into the heels of her palms.  So tired……  But her mind wouldn’t stop spinning.  Form the moment John had left, it was one thought, another question, bombarding her one after the other.  She could barely think straight anymore and the loneliness was crippling her.

 

Sighing, she pushed herself up from the chair and wandered slowly indoors.  She had pulled the crumpled linen dress back on after John had left, but maybe she though, she should take a shower and get changed.  Maybe that would make her feel better.  At the very least it was something to do.

 

Passing the photographs on the side-table, she drifted her fingers over the frame of one of John with the twins, taken when she had been gone.  When she had been taken from her family, kept from the people she loved.

“All the time I lost….” she picked up the frame and stroked her thumb gently over the cool glass.  It still hurt, when she let it.   She had missed seeing the twins grow up, missed their first day of school, missed them losing their first tooth….  It wasn’t *fair*.  And she had lost John, had lost that blissful, heavenly love they shared.  The heaven that they had created in their own little corner of the world.

 

Sighing, she hugged the picture to her and turned back to the empty room.  G*d, she was tired of struggling, tired of waiting to be happy.  So tired of being alone.  And still, after all this time, if John was right, Stefano was still trying to tear her family apart.  She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to fight him off again.  Wasn’t sure if she had the fortitude to keep herself together if he threatened her family again.  Not in this state anyway.

 

A solitary tear slipped over ashen skin.  She couldn’t do this alone, couldn’t make it through this by herself.  She needed John and she needed him now.

 

 

******

 

 

“Kristen, sweetheart…” John almost gagged on the words as he forced them out.  “C’mon, let me in, *please*.”

 

“Go away,” the hoarse whisper sounded as though it were right on the other side of the door.  Which was a good thing, he supposed.  At least it meant she wanted to listen to what he had to say.

 

“Baby, I left my business dinner to come home and be with you.”  He shook his head, rolling his eyes at the inanity of the lies.  “At least you could let me in so we could talk.”

 

“I don’t have anything to say to you,” she sounded exhausted, and he looked at Maya.  Shrugging, she leaned against the wall, rolling her head back tiredly.  At least now the responsibility was out of her hands.  And for that, she was only too grateful.

 

“Kristen, at least let Maya check you out and make sure your blood pressure isn’t too high and that the baby is all right,” he begged, bending down to crouch in front of the door.

 

“You don’t care about me; you don’t even give a sh*t about our baby.”  Kristen was weary.  “We could have jumped off the roof and you wouldn’t give a flying f*ck.  You’d be too busy with your precious Marlena.”

 

“That’s not true Kristen,” John’s heart pounded at the thought of the bald-faced lies he was about to tell.  He had to make them convincing, but he wasn’t sure how to.  Because in his heart he couldn’t deny his love for Marlena, and he didn’t want to.  “If I didn’t care I wouldn’t be here, would I?  I don’t know where this is coming from, but I’ve been *working*.”

 

“I’m not *stupid* John,” her voice was caustic, even through the door.  “You might think I am, but I know.  I *know* that you’ve been with *her*.”  Her disgust was obvious.

 

“How do you know Kristen?  I wish you’d tell me who’s been telling you these lies because they’re not true.  Why on earth would I be sneaking around behind your back?  I chose to be with *you* remember?  I love *you*.  Marlena is committed to Eugene.  That’s all there is to it.”  He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“No-one needed to tell me John.  I know, I can *feel* it.”  He could hear the pain in her voice, and he felt momentarily guilty.  “All I ever wanted was for you to love me.  I just wanted to have a family with you…..”  He could hear her sobbing on the other side of the door and his conscience twinged.  He had loved her once.  For what she had been, he grieved, and for what she had become, he sent up a silent prayer for redemption.

 

“Sweetheart,” his voice was soft as he held onto that memory of the love they had once shared, “let me in.  Let’s talk about this.  I *do* love you.  Let me hold you and let’s just talk, okay?”

 

There was silence for the longest moment and John became aware that he was holding his breath.

“Kristen?”  His reply was a stifled sob and then finally, the grind of the key in the lock before it clicked open.  It was only then that John had a chance to survey the damage. 

 

Beyond Kristen’s tearstained and exhausted face, the room was an absolute shambles.  One window was broken and everything that had once been on a surface was now in smithereens on the floor.  Including and especially his pictures of Marlena and the kids.

 

Oh sh*t……

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena pulled the robe around her and crossed her arms as she watched dusk settle over the city.  A city with which she shared a history.  Sometimes she wondered if that history was *too* entwined with the place that was Salem.  With the people and the joys and the agonies.

 

Sighing, she pushed the damp hair back off her forehead with the palm of her hand and she turned back to the bedroom.  She climbed onto her bed, reaching for the picture frame and lowering herself onto the all too inviting comforter, she rolled over onto her back and stared at it.  My family. 

 

They had been once.  Five of them.  Carrie, Sami, Eric, Roman and her.  Except he wasn’t Roman.  It had been a lie; one she had wanted so badly to believe.  But their life together hadn’t been a lie.  She had loved him more deeply than she had ever thought possible.  It had been like living a dream, except somehow, the dream had turned into a nightmare.  And she wasn’t sure she had woken up yet.

 

“What am I going to do?” she asked plaintively as she stared at the ceiling.  “Please, I need some help here.  I need some guidance…”  A cool gust of air flittered over the floor and crept up over the bed.  Shivering, Marlena pulled the robe closer as she fought the sudden feeling of dread that permeated her.

 

She jumped nervously at the sound of the phone ringing, and it took her a moment to work up the courage just to reach for the receiver.

 

“Hello?” her voice was tentative.

 

“Hi Doc?  It’s me,” Roman’s voice came strong and sure down the line.

 

“Roman, what’s wrong?” she couldn’t help blurting out the question.

 

“Wrong?  Nothing’s wrong Doc,” Roman was a little confused.  “I was just calling to see how you were.”

 

“Oh,” she fell back against the pillows, exhaling with relief.  “I’m fine.”

 

“Are you sure?” she could hear his suspicion through the earpiece, and she smiled tiredly.  “You don’t sound it.”

 

“I’m just tired,” she brushed off his concern.  “How’s the case going?  Do you have any further leads on who took Carrie?”

 

“Yeah, that’s the other reason I called.”  Roman knew that Marlena was changing the subject, he knew her only too well.  But he figured they could get this out of the way and then he could tackle her about what was bothering her. 

 

“As a matter of fact, we’ve tracked down the car that she was picked up in and this afternoon we found the place we think she was held.”

 

“You did?”  Her face brightened and she pulled herself into a half-sitting position.  “That’s great news.”

 

“Woah, don’t get so excited Doc,” his voice was flat as he looked at the report on his desk.  Flipping a coin over it, he sighed.  “We tracked it down from the mud on Carrie’s bag.  It was a hut in old industrial site upriver.  But there was nothing there.  The place was as clean as a whistle.  No prints, no fibers, no nothing.”

 

“Nothing at *all*?”  Marlena whispered, a chill traveling through her.

 

“Well, *almost* nothing,” Roman frowned.  “There was a clump of cat hair sitting on the table.  Fur from a long-haired Persian cat.”

 

“Cat hair?  That was it?” Marlena ran her fingers through her hair.  “What on earth is that supposed to mean?”

 

“If I knew that, I wouldn’t be sitting at this desk pulling my hair out Doc,” Roman sighed.  “It could mean absolutely nothing.  But it’s all we’ve got at the moment.”

 

“It’s not much is it?” she asked quietly.

 

“We’ll find him Doc,” Roman promised her quietly.  “Whoever the bastard is that did this to her, I promise you, we’ll find him.”

 

“I hope so Roman,” she could feel the tears welling in her eyes as she thought of Carrie lying in the hospital bed.  And how it had felt to almost lose John.  If he was right and it was Stefano, then he wouldn’t stop at one failure.  And the thought terrified her.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 113 – …and Battered Dreams

 

 

“So, what’s up with you anyway?” Having finished filling her in about the search for Carrie’s abductor, Roman decided that it was time to switch the conversation back to its previous track.

 

“Me?”  Marlena blinked, her mind searching for the appropriate words as she switched the phone to her other ear.  “Nothing’s wrong that a good sleep won’t fix.”

 

“C’mon Doc, this is me you’re talking to,” his voice was gentle and smooth and part of her felt the remembered urge to curl up in his arms and forget the world existed.  “I know you, and I know when there’s something wrong.”  There was an empty pause as he waited for her response.  When there was none forthcoming, he jogged her along.  “Doc…..”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” she rolled her head exhaustedly to the side and stared out the window again, watching the twilight fade into the sooty darkness of evening.  “It’s just….. well, nothing is *right*.”

 

“How do you mean?” Roman was starting to worry about Marlena.  Her voice sounded so flat and lifeless.  And she sounded lonelier than he had heard her sound in a long, long time.  And it wasn’t even as though he could reach out and take her into his arms to smooth the pain away anymore.  He was simply her friend now and he couldn’t do anything more for her than a friend would do.  However much he might be tempted.

 

“Nothing’s right.” she repeated sadly.  “Gene’s angry at me, John seems to have a problem with Eugene but he refuses to talk to me about it…..”  She shook her head, her blonde hair leaving wet blotches on the pillows as she sank back against them.  “I’m afraid I’ve made a real mess of things Roman, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

 

“Maybe it’s something you can’t fix,” he suggested.  “Maybe it’ll work itself out with time.”

 

“I don’t know,” she sighed, “I wanted to think that…. but…”

 

“But what?”

 

“But…. you really don’t want to hear about my problems,” she made the effort to lighten her tone.  “How are things with you and Trudie?”

 

“Don’t change the subject Marlena,” his tone took on a stern edge and she knew she wasn’t going to divert him that easily.

 

“Roman, I really don’t know that talking about it is going to help,” she closed her eyes and felt the beginning of a headache building behind them.

 

“What so you’re going to sit there miserably alone and stew?” he asked her a little harshly.  “You are alone I take it.”

” Yes I am,” she replied defensively.  “Roman please, I really don’t need you judging me on top of everything else.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry Doc,” he sighed.  “I’m frustrated by the lack of progress around here.  I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

 

“I know I’ve made mistakes Roman,” she looked over at Sami and Eric’s smiling faces in the picture, “and some days I wish to God I could go back and change them.  But just right at the moment I’m too tired to know how to fix this particular mess.”

 

“I know Doc,” he felt like a jerk.  “Would you like me to come over and we can talk?”

 

“No,” she shook her head, ignoring the glowering ache that was settling beneath her brow.  “I think I’d rather be alone right now, if you don’t mind.  Maybe I can get some sleep.”

 

“You sound like you need it,” he felt awful.  She was looking to him for some support and sympathy and it seemed that he had only made things worse for her. 

 

“Doc, if I can give you a little bit of advice, for what it’s worth….” he paused but she didn’t refute him.  “Talk to John.  Ask him if he has a problem with Eugene.  Honestly Doc, the guy is probably as jealous as all hell of Gene.  After all, he’s still living with you and John’s not.”  He shrugged, knowing that she probably didn’t want to hear it, but also knowing that it was the truth, and someone needed to tell it to her.  It may as well be him.  He had experience in that area after all. 

 

“It’s a big blow to a man’s ego, knowing that the woman he loves chose to sleep with someone else.”

 

“Roman-” she felt the old, familiar guilt echo inside of her.

 

“It’s okay Doc, I’m over it.”  He managed a smile.  It was almost true after all.  “But what I’m saying is that John probably isn’t.  And it’s going to take a while.  Especially with Gene around all the time.”

 

“You think he will talk to me about it?” she asked tentatively, accepting his words without too much argument.  Really, deep down, she had known anyway.

 

“You’ll only find out if you try Doc,” Roman told her gently.

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she stifled a yawn that came out of nowhere.

 

“Sounds like time for you to go and get some sleep,” Roman prompted quietly.  “If you do decide you want to talk, just call me and I’ll come round, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Marlena agreed, aware that she had no intention of taking him up on his offer.  “Thanks for calling Roman.”

 

“No problem babe.” A smile curved his lips.  “Sleep tight.”

 

“Night.”  She rang off with another yawn and dropped the portable on the bed next to her. 

 

Sleep sounded so appealing right now. 

 

 

******

 

 

John stood, his hands on his hips and surveyed the damage.  Kristen was down in the living room with Mike who was taking her blood pressure.  John had called him on the way to the apartment and the look that Mike had given him when he had arrived had left John in no doubt of what he thought of this whole situation.

 

It wasn’t that he and Marlena had been indiscrete.  Well not particularly.  It seemed that Kristen had simply convinced herself that they were sneaking around behind her back and that was that.  The fact that it happened to be true was almost neither here nor there.  Almost.

 

But now he was faced with trying to persuade her that she was imagining things and trying to reassure her that he really was committed to her and did love her.  And none of those things were true.  If she didn’t want to believe them, how on earth was he going to be convincing enough to change her mind?

 

He nudged at a pile of glass and wood with his toe and bent over to pull on the corner of a photograph.  It was barely recognizable, just an eye and the edge of that beautiful smile that made his heart leap.  Belle was completely obliterated, and he felt the nausea rise in his throat.  If Kristen was unbalanced enough to create this much havoc with mere suspicion, what might she resort to if her fears were proven to be true? 

 

He didn’t even want to consider that possibility.

 

“Kristen is asking to see you,” Maya stood at the door, her ebony hair disheveled and her eyes wide with fatigue.

 

“What the hell am I going to say to her Maya?” John just couldn’t pretend that he had this all under control.  On top of the emotions that he was experiencing when he was with Marlena, this situation was spinning totally out of orbit, and he felt lost and powerless to gain a footing that would give him a direction.

 

“I would say the truth….. but,” she shrugged, “I don’t know John.  I just don’t even know if she is going to listen to anything you say right now.”

 

“I don’t either,” he admitted, “and it’s scaring the sh*t out of me.”

 

“Rather you than me,” she said softly as she followed him out of the room.

 

 

******

 

 

And I love you so

The people ask me how

How I’ve lived till now

I tell them I don’t know

 

Marlena ran her finger lazily along the top of the stereo, collecting a layer of dust.  Idly, she thought she really would have to have a word with the housekeeper.  With a sigh, she turned back to the empty room.

 

It was dark and the moon had risen over the hills to the east, throwing an eerie silver glow across the city and into Marlena’s living room.

 

With one hand on her heavy belly, she stepped up the riser to the windows.  The lights over the city were sparkling in the viscous summer haze that had settled over the river valley.

 

I guess they understand

How lonely life has been

But life began again

The day you took my hand

 

The low sounds of a guitar and vocals filtered into the room.  Crossing her arms, Marlena battled the loneliness that had left her feeling so wretched.  Unable to sleep, she had lain in bed thinking of John until she ached with the need to hold him.  And when it had become unbearable, she had slipped out of her bed and come downstairs. 

 

But there was nothing more for her than had been upstairs.  Just memories and questions and uncertainties.  How had they made it to this point?  Hadn’t they learned anything from the past?  Anything at all?

 

With a sigh, she leaned her forehead against the cool pane of glass.

 

And yes I know how lonely life can be

The shadows follow me

And the night won’t set me free

 

Lonely. 

 

This wasn’t right, she shouldn’t be feeling like this, shouldn’t be feeling like her life was spinning out of control.  This should be the happiest time of her life.  She and John should be planning the redecoration of a nursery, going to lamaze class….  Dammit, she didn’t want to be alone anymore.

 

Tears spilt down her face as she opened her eyes to see her breath frosted against the glass in front of her.  With a moan, she pushed herself away from the window and felt herself shivering as she made her way to the sofa. 

 

Burying herself beneath the throw, she thought about Roman’s advice and Sami’s inquisition before that.  “Doesn’t he even have a slight problem with that?”

 

Continuing the running argument in her head, a judicious facet of her re-asked the question that she had been kicking around for days.  If that’s his problem, why won’t he talk to you about it?  It’s not as if you haven’t given him enough opportunity.

 

But this wasn’t about rational thought.  This wasn’t about logic.  It was about human emotions, jealousy and pain.  And her query might well have an answer lodged in fear or some other emotion.  She knew that as a professional, so she had better accept it as a human being or she was stepping into big trouble.

 

But I don’t let the evening get me down

Now that you’re around me

 

Knowing that she no longer had any choice, her mind surrendered to the question, and she let herself replay the last few weeks in her head.  Every time Gene was there……every time you mentioned him in conversation with John… 

 

When she and John had argued at the hospital about Stefano….. she had mentioned Gene… and he had turned and walked away from her.  And in this room, earlier that day, she had been talking to Eugene when he had arrived.  The sparks from his eyes had spoken of turmoil that she hadn’t wanted to see, hadn’t wanted to admit.

 

And you love me too

Your thoughts are just for me

You set my spirit free

I’m happy that you do

 

From somewhere deep inside her came a sepulchral groan.  How on earth could she have been so *blind*?  She was a psychiatrist for goodness’ sake.  She was trained and paid to recognize these problems and deal with them.  And she couldn’t even see something that was in front of her nose?

 

After the insurgent jealousy that she had struggled with this afternoon when he had talked to Kristen on the phone, how could she not have recognized the signs?  Was it just that she hadn’t want to?  That she didn’t want to face the reality of what the truth represented and implied?

 

Because knowing where the problem lay and knowing what to do about it were two different things.

 

 

******

 

 

“Well?” Kristen stared at John defiantly, daring him to lie to her again.  “What do you have to say for yourself?”   Maya could hardly believe the difference in her demeanor from when they had practically carried her out of the bedroom and lay her down on the couch in the living room.  In a matter of minutes, she had transformed from a sobbing tragic mess into a lucid, shrewd woman ready to take on all comers.

 

Only a crazy person could have that kind of temper shift, surely?  And the destruction upstairs pretty much added to that theory.  Maya shivered inadvertently.  This job was getting to be a lot more than she had reckoned with.

 

“I’m sorry baby,” John’s words were as gentle as he could manage, given the circumstances.  Aware of the fact that Mike was packing up his medical bag on the counter he formed his words carefully.  “If I had realized how upset you were, I would have blown off the dinner, I promise.”

 

“Dinner with Saint *Marlena*?” Kristen cackled maniacally.  “I doubt it somehow.”

 

“I wasn’t having dinner with Marlena.”  Strictly speaking, it was actually the truth.  They hadn’t eaten.

 

“Oh, give it *up* John,” Kristen snarled.  “I know what you’ve been up to.  Sordid little meetings with dear ol’ *Doc*.  Such a fine, moral upstanding citizen she is.  F*cking around on her marriage and her relationship…. taking other women’s men….”

 

“Kristen, I think that’s enough,” internally John was absolutely irate.  He could throttle her for maligning Marlena like that.  Knowing the morally impoverished creature that she was didn’t make his loathing any easier to contain.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she slapped her fingers to her mouth in mock distress, ignoring Mike’s openmouthed stare from the kitchen. “Did I insult your beloved Doc?”

 

She’s trying to catch you out.  Trying to provoke a response.  Don’t let her do it, don’t put Marlena in danger, for G*d’s sake.

 

“Marlena’s not important,” John begged silent forgiveness for the lie even as it came from his lips.  “All I care about is you and our future Kristen.  I want to understand where this is coming from because you have me pretty confused here.”

 

“Where all this is coming from?”  She looked astounded.  “You really are quite something John.”  Her jaw set hard as she pushed herself up from the sofa, her face pinched and spiteful looking.  “You won’t touch me, you won’t sleep in the same *room* as me, you won’t spend any time here with me, you have some evil tart *babysitting* me, and you want to know where this is *coming* from?!”

 

“Kristen!”  John looked at Maya in shock.  Marlena and Eugene had warned him that this side of Kristen existed, but he had never seen it in action before.  And he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what was going to come from her next.

 

“Well, it *is* the truth isn’t it John?” she asked viciously.  “You can’t stand being around me because you want to be with Marlena.”

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena fingered the remote and turned the volume of the stereo up a notch.  Somehow the sound was comforting as it filled the empty apartment.  Rolling her head back against a cushion, she stared at the ceiling trying to order her thoughts.  Start at the beginning Marlena. 

 

But where *was* the beginning?  When he had started behaving oddly?  When he had seen…?  She cringed at the thought.  G*d, if only he hadn’t walked in that night, if only….  There were a lot of *if only’s*, too many for her to count these days.  If only she hadn’t misunderstood the night she had seen him talking to Kristen.  If only he hadn’t doubted her that day in the hospital.  If only they had fought to be together all those years ago….

 

The book of life is brief

And once a page is read

All but love is dead

That is my belief

 

The baby turned restlessly inside her and she rubbed a soothing hand over the terry cloth robe.  Her eyes drifted to the sofa opposite her, and she noticed the coins on the floor in front of the plush piece of furniture.  They had tumbled from John’s pocket when he was getting his cell phone she figured, chewing on her lower lip apprehensively.

 

That call had bothered her more than she would ever like to admit.  It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, it was more that the concern she heard in his voice had somehow made her feel insecure, a little threatened.  It was a reminder of something, of someone, of a time in her life that she would much rather forget.  If she could pretend Kristen had never existed, she would be perfectly happy.

 

Logically, she knew that it was only her mind playing tricks on her and John’s reason for concern wasn’t Kristen, but their child that she carried.  However, somehow it was hard for her to separate the intellectual rationalizations from the reality of the emotions.  The therapist in her said one thing and the impulsive human felt another and it seemed to be a constant struggle to listen to the rational argument and not let the emotions overwhelm her.

 

But if it was that hard for her, with all her training; what on earth might it be doing to John?  It wasn’t like either of them had any cause for jealousy and insecurity.  Deep down they knew the commitment that they had made to each other was lasting and real.  But after everything they had been through during the last few years – maybe the second-guessing was just ingrained.  There had been too much pain and too much loneliness to just pretend it away.

 

And yes, I know how loveless life can be

The shadows follow me

And the night won’t set me free

But I don’t let the evening get me down

Now that you’re around with me

 

“Why won’t you talk to me?” she whispered sadly.  “Why do you have to try and be so strong?”  She ached with the thought of the pain that he was carrying around and the fact that he felt he couldn’t share that with her.  “I *know* how much it hurts.  How are we going to get through this if we don’t get through it together?”

 

Maybe he didn’t want to burden her.  Maybe he thought that if he ignored the pain, it would go away.  She didn’t know.  She couldn’t know unless she talked to him.

 

All she knew was that she couldn’t live her life without him.  She was a strong woman, but even the strongest of people needed someone with whom they could to be themselves.  Someone to share their joys, their fears and their most intimate thoughts. 

 

John was that person, the one she trusted implicitly.  The one who she could lean on and who wouldn’t think any less of her.  He knew her vulnerabilities and he guarded them for her against the outside world.  And he loved her in spite of them.  Or maybe because of them.  He completed her life, and she knew without a doubt that she couldn’t make it without him.

 

And I love you so

The people ask me how

How I’ve lived till now

 

I tell them I don’t know

 

 

******

 

 

“Kristen,” John’s patience was wearing thin.  If she weren’t pregnant with his child, he would have thrown her out on the curb where she belonged.  But then if she weren’t pregnant with his child, neither of them would be here in the first place.  But what was the point in *if’s*?  The reality was that he had to convince her to calm down and listen to what he was saying. 

 

Mike stood uncomfortably in the kitchen, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he listened to the exchange.  He wanted to get out of here, Lucie was waiting for him back at the pub and as far as he was concerned, the less he had to do with the Blakes, the better.  But given what had occurred here tonight, he was reluctant to leave until he was sure Kristen wasn’t going to lose her grip again.

 

“Baby, you know that I am worried about the health of the baby.  You already lost one and we know what a tenuous hold the other baby had for a while there.  I just want to do everything I can to make sure that this baby is born safely and healthy.  If I’m a little nervous about being with you, that’s why,” his expression was earnest as he took her hand in his.  “You know how much I want to have a family with you.”

 

“Well actually, no I don’t,” Kristen said coldly as she pulled her hand away from his.  “Since you’re never *here* to tell me.  And when you *are* here you do your best to f*cking well avoid me.”

 

“That’s not true Kristen,” John could hear the blood pounding in his ears, and he felt momentarily dizzy.  This wasn’t going at all well.  “I just spent the last few days with you.  What more do you want from me?”

”I want you to stop scr*wing that sl*t,” Kristen’s face reddened as she felt the fury rising again.

 

“Kristen for G*d’s sake don’t be ridiculous!” he raised his voice angrily, unable to help himself.  The urge to snap and tell her that he couldn’t stand her and that yes, he was in love with Marlena and intended to spend the rest of his life with her was almost too much.  But maintaining some kind of discipline, he spoke through clenched teeth.  “How many times do I have to tell you?  Marlena is with Eugene now.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t *know* that would I?” she seethed, the anger writhing inside her like a ball of snakes.  “Since I’m never allowed out of this *f*cking* apartment.  Since I’m practically under house *f*cking* arrest how the hell would I know *anything*?”

 

John merely stared at her, exhausted beyond words.  How could he convince a lunatic of a lie?  Was it even possible?

 

Groaning, he sank onto the sofa and buried his forehead in his hands.

 

“I can’t argue with you like this, Kristen.  You’re not listening to me, and it sounds like you’ll believe whatever it is that you want to believe.  I don’t know how to convince you that what I am saying is the truth.  If you can’t trust me, then what is the point?”

 

G*d, he wanted Marlena so much, wanted to hold her in his arms and let her goodness cleanse him.  He wanted to lie in her arms and hear his name drifting from her lips.  He wanted to love her and tell her that he would never again let her go.

 

How could God taunt him this way?  When in punishing him for his foolishness, he punished Marlena again and again?  It wasn’t fair.  None of this was fair, but then when had life ever been fair?  Except for maybe when fate had led him to the one good thing that had happened in his life…..

 

“Well, that’s a nice way of saying sayonara isn’t it now?” Kristen said pointedly.  “Too bad I’m not going to make it that easy for you.”

 

“Easy for me what?” He looked up at her, confusion reigning in his eyes.

 

“You think you can pin this on me and walk away to be with your precious *Doc*,” she sneered cruelly.  “Well forget it, John.  You try and I will make her life *so* miserable it won’t be worth living.”

 

“You even *touch* her Kristen….” He bit off the words, which had come without thought and pushed him up from the couch, wide-eyed.

 

“Ooooh, that piqued your interest did it?” she giggled insanely.  “Poor defenseless Marlena,” she waved her hands around, “damsel in distress.  Wouldn’t you just love to be the hero, rescuing her from the wicked witch?”

 

Seeing the emotions as they played across his face, and then letting her eyes drift down to his neck where telltale marks were starting to appear, her attitude suddenly crumbled.  In the matter of a moment, her hysteria reappeared, bubbling quickly to the surface.

 

“I *hate* you,” she screeched, lunging for John.  “I hate you all!!”  She pummeled his chest and when John caught her wrists in his hands, she proceeded to launch a volley of kicks at his shins.  “You f*cking bastard, I’ll f*cking *kill* that wh*re, I swear I will.  I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her…. I hate you….” 

 

Her shrieking was ear-splitting and as John struggled with her, Mike deftly filled a syringe and moved up behind Kristen.  In her frenzy she barely even noticed the needle as it punctured her skin and it was only a few moments before she sank into John’s waiting arms, her eyes rolling back in her head.

 

 

******

 

 

Q stepped through the door and closed it noiselessly behind him.  The apartment was dark and hushed and it was a moment before he realized that Marlena was curled up on the couch across the room.

 

Huddled beneath a cotton blanket she looked tiny and vulnerable and when he heard the muffled sob that came from beneath the disheveled blonde hair, he felt a keen grief that encompassed him fully.

 

Taking a step into the room, he stopped short.  He wanted so much to go to her, to take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be all right.  But suddenly, he knew he couldn’t.  Because it wasn’t going to be all right. 

 

He wasn’t her friend anymore.  He wasn’t sure what he was, he only knew that in moving from between the sheets to this moonlit evening, their friendship had crumbled, and what was left was the wreckage of a huge mistake.

 

His stomach clenched agonizingly as he watched her, alone and still.  Through his selfishness, he had lost the one thing in the universe that he treasured beyond compare.  He had ignored the truth and persuaded himself that a lie could become his new reality.  Fools rush in where Q’s fear to tread. 

 

G*d, he had screwed this up so royally.  He had destroyed the friendship that he had worked so long to build with her, destroyed the gentle easy comfort that existed between them and built a wall that seemed insurmountable.  And now he was causing problems between Marlena and the one person who could make her truly happy.  That had to be the case.  After his confrontation with John this afternoon, and the unhappiness that emanated from her now, he couldn’t deny it any longer.

 

His breathing tightened as he watched her, becoming shallow and stressed.  How could they get back to what they had before?  *Could* they get back to being just friends?  How long before he didn’t yearn for her?  How long before he didn’t burn at her touch?  How long before he didn’t feel this confounding guilt at having had her at the expense of the truth?

 

They’d had a few short weeks of fun and passion.  For him, it had been complete ecstasy, happiness beyond his wildest dreams.  But had that happiness really been worth what he was suffering now?  For him, he wasn’t sure.  For Marlena the answer was infinitely more straightforward.  It wasn’t worth it.  It had never been worth it.  She had been in pain, and she had been desperate and he had allowed his heart to drown out the advice of his head.  And now they would both have to pay the price for that mistake.

 

His mouth felt arid as the blood pounded in his ears.  He swallowed, but the dryness caught in his throat, and he coughed sharply.  His anxiety peaked distinctly as Marlena caught the audible sound and lifted her head.  With adrenaline flooding his body, he turned swiftly and almost ran for the stairs.

 

“Gene,” her voice was horse as she uttered his name, the tears still wet on her face.  His throat was tight as he battled with indecision for a split second.  What could he do?  What could he say that would make things better for her?

 

Absolutely nothing, that was what.

 

Hardly missing a beat, he continued up the stairway, pretending he hadn’t heard her, that he had no idea she was even in the room.  He couldn’t face her now, couldn’t lie to her, and couldn’t tell her the truth.  Couldn’t do anything but keep climbing, one step after another.

 

Marlena gasped reflexively as he moved.  He had heard her; she knew he had.  She could see it all over his face, even in the moonlight.  Could see it in the jerky movements as he climbed the stairs.  Could see it in the unblinking stare fixed somewhere in front of him.  He knew she was there, he just didn’t want to, or couldn’t bring himself to talk to her.

 

The pain that welled up felt as though it were choking her as she fought for breath.  As the stunned feeling faded, she was assaulted by realizations that were devastating.  

 

Gene couldn’t even be her friend anymore.  The expression on his face was more than enough to tell her that.  Their fling had destroyed the closeness that they had once known and these days he couldn’t look at her without remembering the pain she had caused him. 

 

She had seduced him when he was weak, convinced them both that she was in love with him and then, when he had opened his heart to her, she had walked away.

“Oh G*d,” her chest ached with welling tears.  She had been selfish and unfair to both John and Eugene.  She had lost her faith in John and doubted him, and she had used Eugene to as a salve for the betrayal that she had felt.  It didn’t matter that she had convinced herself at the time that she was doing the right thing.  The truth was that she had messed up all their lives by acting out of her desperation and weakness. 

 

And now Gene couldn’t stand seeing her.  And especially with John because it only served to remind him of what he’d once had but lost.  And John couldn’t stand to see her even in the most innocent of situations with Eugene because it reminded him of what she had done, how she had doubted his love for her.

 

What kind of ‘true love’ was that?  What good was being soul mates if you couldn’t trust each other to weather the hard times?

 

Running her hands through her tangled hair, she moaned softly.  Now that everything had fallen into place, now that she was no longer fighting the truth, she was as lost as ever.  How could she fix this mess? Could she fix it?  Because as it stood, she had all but lost Gene’s friendship, and she could feel John slipping away from her moment by agonizing moment.

 

A sob bubbled from her throat and the strangled sound burst into the empty room.

”John…” it was barely more than a whisper.  “I need you….”  Taking a deep breath, she raised her eyes heavenwards beseechingly.  “Oh, dear Lord, please help me make this right….  I need your help…I’ve broken so much,” she drew in a breath and her chin trembled as she tried to stave off another round of tears.  “Please give me the strength to do what I have to do to fix it.  Please help me….”

 

 

******

 

 

John sat in the dark, his head in his hands.  Kristen was now in bed and Mike had left Maya with a supply of the soporific drug and instructions to keep her sedated for the next couple of days, or at least until they figured out how to deal with the situation.

 

John could replay the scenes in his mind a thousand times and still they would be the same.  Kristen threatening to kill Marlena.  She had totally lost it.  He had to face the fact that she was insane, and she probably would never recover from this psychosis.  And it was most likely his fault.

 

If he hadn’t used her as some kind of poor man’s substitute for the woman he really wanted, if he hadn’t promised the world when he didn’t have it to give her, maybe she wouldn’t have succumbed to the lurking evil within.

 

Dragging his hand down over his face, he exhaled noisily.  That was perhaps what hurt most of all, he thought.  That Marlena had berated him for not having the courage to be true to his feelings, had been angry at him for choosing second best, and then she had done exactly the same thing.

 

He stared at the boards that were nailed over the shattered glass.  The last few hours had taken it out of him, but part of him was unwilling to close his eyes lest he was haunted by those visions again. 

 

He had hoped that he might feel better after making love to Marlena this afternoon.  But somehow, it had only served to make him feel worse.  Making love to her and then running out on her left him filled with guilt and envy.  Because no matter what he did, how hard he tried, he could not forget.  Could not close his eyes and not see her with *him*.  Could not help but wonder if she had made love to *him* on that couch before.

 

He knew intuitively that this was becoming more than a problem.  It was becoming an obsession and one that he seemed to have no control over.  It was almost as if his mind *invented* scenarios in which he might have seen them.  On the sofa.  In the bathroom.  For G*d’s sake, he had even had a nightmare in which he had walked in on them in a hotel room, having sex up against the wall.  He had thrown up after that one, he remembered, tasting the bitter bile in his mouth again.

 

And it wasn’t as if the jealousy and loathing was getting easier to bear.  On the contrary, it seemed to be worse every day.  It was starting to eat him up inside, and it was starting to affect his relationship with Marlena.  But how the hell could he suddenly turn around now and tell her he had a problem with Eugene? 

 

Oh, by the way Marlena, did I forget to tell you I hate Eugene and I’m jealous as hell that you slept with him and I feel betrayed and hurt and angry and I just can’t forget it…?

 

Even if he did, how the hell could they fix it?  It was done.  It wasn’t like they could go back and undo it.  What good would dredging up all that pain do anyway?  After all, it wasn’t like he really had a *right* to be angry and jealous, was it?  Not after he had turned to Kristen instead of fighting for Marlena.

 

But it’s not really the same is it, John?  His devilish companion chided him without mercy.  You never knew that she was still in love with you.  She never gave you any sign that she wanted you back.  She kept encouraging you to work it out with Kristen, didn’t she?

 

He frowned, shaking his head as though to dispel the thoughts of blame.  He had been so wary of hurting her again, of coming between Marlena and her family that maybe he had blinded himself to the signs.  He had convinced himself that he could live without her for *her* sake.  But if he had known, if he had had just an inkling of how she had felt, he would have left Kristen in the dust to be in her life.

 

Leaning his head back, he rolled his shoulders, trying to work out the kinks that had settled painfully into the tight muscles.  He wasn’t proud of choosing Kristen as second best by any means, but his intentions had been good.  He had believed that he loved her, and he had told himself over and over that he was building a future.  Dwelling in the past had proved too dangerous and destructive, and once was more than enough for the people that he loved.

 

But Marlena had *known* he loved her.  She had *known* he was fighting for her.  Dammit, she had held the proof in her hands.  She had heard him singing stupid songs, read the heartfelt poems that he had spent hours wracking his brain to write.  Hell, he had bought a *plane* for her.  He had done everything he could think of to convince her that he was sincere.  And then she had taken a misunderstanding of a few words and convinced herself that it was over.  And she had turned to Eugene.

 

How could you do it Doc?  How could you doubt the power of *us*?

 

He sighed heavily.  His mind searched desperately for the argument that would refute the thoughts that flailed about inside him.  But it was increasingly hard to grasp onto any reason that could not be contentious.

 

It’s no different to what *you* did in essence is it?   Maybe not, but what I did was *wrong*.  She told me that and my G*d I know it in my heart.  Maybe in some twisted way it was fair; retribution for the pain he had inflicted.  Maybe turnabout *was* fair play.  But that still doesn’t make it right.

 

John pushed himself away from the bed and approached the bureau.  Fingering the damaged photo of Marlena and Belle, he sighed.  Of course she had felt betrayed.  Of course she was shocked and confused, but what he couldn’t contend with was the thought that she had had that little faith in him.  In his honesty and his love for her.  Did she really think that little of him that he would *do* that to her?

 

Had he hurt her *that* badly that she no longer knew him well enough to know when he was sincere?  Or maybe it’s just that she never really knew you at all……?

 

“Shut up,” he hissed at the voice angrily.  Maybe it wasn’t Kristen that was losing her mind, maybe it was him.  He laughed bitterly at the thought.  At least he would know how to handle that.

 

His eyes prickled with hot moisture as he tried to fight the angry, betrayed thoughts that filled him.  That consumed him.  That burned inside his head, bright and blinding.

 

“Dear God,” he voiced the prayer loudly.  “Please guide me, please help me know what to do, know how to deal with this….”  He crossed his arms tightly and turned back to the bedroom.

 

Please help me……

 

 

 

 

Chapter 114 – Eyes and No’s

 

 

“Gene,” her fingers are soft as they slide along my collarbone.  “Please, let me love you again.  You know that John can’t do it like you can.  You know he doesn’t make me feel the way you do….”

 

“Marlena,” I find myself choking as I utter her name.  When an eternity has passed, when the stars have burnt themselves out, when space is cold and vacant, that name will still haunt me.  “This is wrong…”

 

“How can it be wrong?”  The satin is slippery as she straddles me, and the groan is animalistic in my throat.  I want her so badly, want to touch her, to taste her silky skin but this can’t happen again.  I can’t let myself succumb to her.  This is destroying me.  It’s destroying her.

 

“Marlena,” I gasp her name again as her tongue glances across my moving lips.  I try to move my hands but looking up I discover that she has used silk scarves to knot them to the bedstead.

 

“Mmmmm?” she draws a finger down over my jaw and then over my throat.  “My Q.  You are beautiful my love.”  Her lips replace her fingers and I feel her tongue, hot against my burning skin.  She shimmies down my body and then I feel her……

 

Q struggled violently to suck in desperate breaths as he sat bolt upright in his bed.  Sweat ran in prickling rivulets over febrile skin.  No!  *No*, I can’t…  Marlena, please forgive me.  I can’t stop them… 

 

His eyes darted about the room as he tried to make sense of the waking moments.  Covers lay crumpled on the floor, a pillow jammed down the side of the bed.

 

“Oh G*d,” the whimper percolated in his throat as he fell back against damp sheets.  “I can’t take this any more.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Punkin’,” John sat in a chair at the edge of Carrie’s bed and held her limp hand between thick fingers.  She lay on her side, curled up in a fetal-like ball, eyes fixed on distant and unseen features.

 

“Carrie, sweetheart,” his voice was warm, full of love and regret.  “I wish you’d give me some sign that you can hear me.  That you know I’m here.”  He lifted one hand and drew a roughened finger over a pale cheek.  “I miss you Punkin’.  I miss your beautiful smile and your laugh full of sunshine.”  He sighed sadly.  “We always had such a connection, you and me.  I might not be your Daddy, Punkin’, but I sure felt like it when we were together.”  He rubbed irritably at itchy eyes. 

 

“You have such a good, kind heart.  Just like Doc.  She brought you up well….” His voice cracked and he distraughtly squeezed the lifeless hand in his as though maybe he could infuse some life into the unresponsive young woman.

 

“You always saw beyond the surface Carrie, you always had this uncanny knack of knowing what I was really thinking, of knowing what was going on with me.”  His body tightened as he watched her.  Unblinking, unseeing. 

 

“Carrie, baby, I’m sorry if I never told you how much I love you.”  His voice was harsh, the words guttural and honest.  “I’m sorry if I hurt you by not fighting harder, by not asking you what *you* wanted.  I’ve made some mistakes punkin’,” he choked on the endearment, wanting to bundle the young woman up and somehow bring her back to him through the warmth and love of his touch.  “But walking away from you kids, thinking that I was doing the best for you….” He shook his head, his hands clasped tightly around hers.  “That was one of the worst.”

 

His lips compressed and his brow furrowed as he tried to quell the grief, still fresh after so long.

“You, and the twinners, and Marlena.  If I could do it all over again, you’d better believe I’d fight for what was mine, baby.”  He blinked rapidly, fighting a losing battle against the tears.

 

“I wish you were here,” he whispered, voice tainted with misery.  “You always understand.  You’d know how to help me make sense of this.  You’d know what I should do.”  He winced as a sharp pain shot through his shoulder, the legacy of the bullets ruinous path.  “Punkin’, I’m so sorry.  It’s my fault that you’re in here.  It was *me * that they were trying to get at and they destroyed you to do it.”  He groaned, the guilt heavy on his conscience.  “Maybe my biggest mistake was ever getting involved with the Bradys to begin with.”

 

He didn’t even want to listen to the internal arguments that refuted that suggestion.  At the moment, the grief and the guilt were too keen to be argued.

 

“Punkin, I don’t know what to do, I feel so confused.”  He clenched his teeth, muscles in his jaw twitching crazily.   “I’ve never questioned before, never doubted, but now I feel so angry and so jealous, and I find myself wondering…….  If our love is so precious and rare, how could she do that?  How could she disregard everything she feels and climb into bed with another man?”

 

The silence rang deafeningly in his ears, and he wondered for a moment what he had expected to hear.  A moan slipped from his throat as he buried his head in the crook of bent arms.  “I thought she was perfect, Carrie.  I had her up high on some *damn* pedestal.  I worshipped her and I thought she would never do something like that.  Something so damn stupid.  I thought she was better than me.”  He lifted his head, anguish shining in his eyes.  “I don’t want to be angry; I don’t want it to hurt so much.  I thought it would go away but it’s only gotten worse.”

 

His jaw tense, he laid Carrie’s hand back on the stark coverlet and stood.  Walking over to the window, he placed his hands on the sill and took a deep breath. 

 

“Every time I see her, every time I touch her….. I know he’s been there.  Maybe it’s petty of me, maybe it’s selfish, but I hate him for it.  I find myself wondering if she maybe prefers the way he kissed her or…..” he took a deep breath.  “I just can’t keep on feeling like this.  It’s coming between us.  I know she feels it too, but I don’t know how to tell her.  I don’t even know if telling her would help.  Or if it would just make things worse.  I mean how is she going to feel if I tell her I’m angry at her for doing the exact same thing that I did.  Is that fair of me?  If I hadn’t screwed up in the first place none of this would have even had the chance to happen, so how can I be angry at *her* for reacting the way she did?”

 

The answer still remained the same though.  He *was* angry and he *was* as jealous as all hell and however hard he tried; those feelings weren’t going away.  With a yelp of frustration, he slammed his fist against the wall and then spun around, his back connecting with the hard surface so that the vibration passed through him, sweeping away all thought for a split second.

 

Carrie stared past him, green eyes flat and dull.  He stung with the pain of seeing her so crushed.  G*d, he wanted his little girl back.  Wanted to feel her arms around him.  Wanted to hear her voice telling him it would be all right.  Wanted to blow her a kiss and make her laugh.  He wanted her sunshine back in their lives.  For her.  For Sami and Doc.  For all of them.

 

“Punkin,” he murmured as he neared the bed, “baby, we all need you.  Please hear me.  Please, you have to fight, you have to come back to us.”  With tender fingers, he touched her pregnant belly.  “Your baby needs you to be a mother.  Don’t let him down punkin.  I know you’ll be the most wonderful mother.  You just need to give yourself the chance.”

 

“Mr. Black,” Faith Jeffries, a pretty blonde nurse stood in the doorway.  “I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to say goodbye now.  Carrie needs her rest.”

“Sure,” John’s voice was strained as he watched Carrie with father’s eyes.  “I’ll be back soon, sweetheart.  I promise it.  I’ll be back as often as I can until you get better.”

 

Carrie’s eyes seemed to fade to grey as he stood and squeezed her hand once again.  “I love you, Carrie.”  He bent over and pressed cool lips to her forehead.  “I’m always thinking of you.”  He straightened and glanced at her once more before looking up at the nurse and nodding.  Then, without speaking, he left the room. 

 

Faith turned and followed him, closing the door behind her.  Both of them missed the tiny movement in the bed as Carrie’s lips formed an inaudible word.

 

John.

 

 

******

 

 

“Hey Marlena,” Lucie danced into the kitchen, short skirt flaring around tanned legs.  “I know this is short notice and all, but do you think I could possibly have tonight off?  I met the sweetest guy yesterday and he wants to take me dancing tonight.  Would you believe it?  I said I’d love to but that I’d have to ask you first.”  She paused just as Marlena wondered if she’d ever take a breath.  “Oh, of course, you know him.  Dr. Mike.  Isn’t he just gorgeous?”

 

“Mike Horton?” Marlena blinked rapidly.  Lucie was quite disconcerting sometimes when she got all bubbly and enthusiastic.

 

“Yeah.  I ran into Sami at the mall, and she was having a drink with Dr. Mike and well, one thing led to another…” she sighed.  “He’s got the most heavenly eyes.”

 

Marlena smiled her encouragement before she turned back to the cookbook in front of her.

“Oh, and not only his eyes,” Lucie carried on, aware of Marlena’s quiet amusement but rather enjoying herself.  “He’s got the *cutest* butt and I bet he has a *great* bod under that shirt.  Ohhh,” her mouth quirked into an even wider smile, “give me Dr Mike with that body, tied to a bed and I’ll bet I could have some real fun.”

 

“Lucie!” Marlena’s surprise registered on her face as she looked up at the young woman.

 

“What?” she looked at Marlena with an innocent expression.  “Don’t tell me you’ve never tried it.”  She winked as her face broke into a deliciously wicked grin.  “You’re missing out on some fun, let me tell you.”

 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Marlena’s smile was slightly flustered as she studied Lucie.  The young Southerner was one of those people whom it was often hard to tell if they were joking or not.  In this case, Marlena suspected, it was rather more of the *not*.

 

“So whaddya say boss?” Lucie leaned back against the counter, her elbows resting lightly against the tiled top.  “Do you need me tonight or can ya’ll do without me?”

 

“Well actually,” Marlena measured out a cup of flour, “Caroline just called to say that she and Shawn would like to keep the kids for another night.  Can you imagine that?” she chuckled gently as Lucie widened her eyes in mock horror.  “They’ve been missing them evidently.”  She paused, reaching for the butter.  “So yes, you are quite welcome to take the night off,” she smiled at the nanny with sparkling eyes.  “Although I expect a full report in the morning.”

 

“Oh no problem,” Lucie tossed her blonde hair, green eyes twinkling with impishness.  “Do you want *all* the juicy details or just a point-by-point outline?”

 

“How about you start, and I’ll tell you when to stop,” Marlena giggled, a little surprised at herself. 

 

After all, Mike was her friend.  But there was something about Lucie Vanderbilt that encouraged mischief and Marlena rather liked the carefree manner that Lucie exhibited.  And to that end, she wasn’t averse to the feeling of freedom that a little silliness fostered.  She could probably do with more laughter in her life.

 

“Sounds promising,” Lucie winked.  “So, what are you up to?  Don’t tell me you’re cooking?”

 

“Ah,” Marlena chewed on her lip with an embarrassed grin.  “Attempting to.  But I think my usual luck will probably hold with cooking matters.”  She laughed at Lucie’s quizzical expression.  “Namely, disastrous.”

 

“Ah,” Lucie turned as she heard the doorbell.  “Well, I’ll leave you to the culinary creations and go and answer that shall I?”

 

“Why don’t you do that,” Marlena carved a chunk of butter out of the container and dropped it onto the scales, letting out a wail of frustration as it toppled over the side of the dish and onto the counter.

 

 

“Well, don’t bother getting up will ya?  I got it,” Lucie called to Q, who was watching the TV and diligently ignoring her and everything else that was going on around him.  “Thanks Lucie, gee, no problem Eugene,” she said to herself as she crossed the room.   “That’s really nice of you to be so thoughtful.  Well, you know, I try, but some people just don’t appreciate when they’re onto a good thing.”

 

She stopped her chatter as she reached the door and swung her head back around to look at Q.  He was still watching the TV, his arms crossed tightly in front of him.  “Oh, I give up,” she muttered darkly before wrenching the knob open.

 

“John.  Hi!” she smiled brightly, brushing her hair into shape with her fingers as she watched him step through the door.  “Man, you don’t look so good.  Did you sleep at *all* last night?”

 

“Not much,” John mumbled gloomily as he waited for her to close the door behind him.  Noting immediately that Q sat across the room looking as if he owned it, John’s mood blackened even further.

 

Gene looked up at the newcomer and glared balefully.  After the latest torrid dream last night, he had about reached the end of his rope and the last thing he felt like dealing with now was John’s aggressive jealousy.  In fact, the further away from John he could get, the better at this point in time.

 

Except, that would mean leaving Marlena.  And he wasn’t sure he had the strength to do that.  But then again, did he have the strength to stay?  For all his immortality and omniscience, he had never felt so weak, so at the mercy of a force he could not control with a mere snap of theoretical fingers.

 

“Wow, don’t all talk at once will you?” Lucie threw her hands up in the air.  “Woah, woah, I don’t think I can stand the excitement.”  Rolling her eyes at Q, she turned to John.  “I can’t work out which one of you has a worse effect on the other.  Honestly, you’re like two big kids.  He can’t stand the fact that you’ve got the toy now and you can’t stand the fact that he had it before.”  Shrugging, she swung around easily, blonde hair bouncing against her shoulders.  “Men.  I swear I will *never* understand them.”

 

Both Q and John stared at her, their mouths hanging open as she entered the kitchen.  She reappeared moments later with Marlena in tow, wiping the flour that dusted her nose.

 

“John,” she looked surprised.

 

“Were you expecting someone else?” he asked, his voice a little harder than he intended.

 

“Well…no…” she shook her head; caught off-guard as the emotions she had suppressed since last night crashed through her hastily erected barrier. 

 

Seeing John and Eugene in the same room and feeling the tension that permeated the air as she entered, simply served to confirm and strengthen her perception of the situation.  And with that confirmation, the grief and sadness that she had wallowed in last night returned to haunt her.  Accompanied by the fear.  The fear that this could not ultimately be resolved; that too much damage had been done.

 

“Uh, I just didn’t expect you.  You didn’t call last night,” it was said softly but she couldn’t help the reproach that had crept into her voice.  “I wasn’t sure what was going on.”

 

“I’m sorry Doc,” John sighed, his shoulders sinking, “I had some thinking to do.”  He shot a purposeful look at Eugene who was completely ignoring the whole exchange.

 

“Oh,” Marlena felt her breath catch in her throat and she had to consciously make herself take a deep breath.  “How’s Kristen?”  John exhaled deeply and ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“She lost it last night Doc,” he shook his head, contemplating the memory of the debris in the bedroom.  “She completely cracked and destroyed half of the stuff in my bedroom.  Mike had to end up sedating her.”

 

Marlena gasped, trembling fingers finding her mouth as she searched for something to say.

 

“I….” she shook her head, “are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

 

“Yeah, everything seems okay now,” John nodded. “Mike wants to keep her sedated for the next couple of days though.”  He turned to look at Gene who was still studiously ignoring them as he watched the TV, and he felt the anger bind his body.  “Doc, I think we need to talk.”

 

“Yeah,” she nodded her head, her heart suddenly feeling as though it wanted to jump straight out of her chest.  “Perhaps we should go upstairs?”

 

“No, please, don’t let me *disturb* you.”  Eugene spoke for the first time, but his voice was dripping with sarcasm as he pushed himself off the sofa.  He hated himself for behaving like this and part of him wondered if Kristen was not the only one going completely crazy.  Was it possible that omnipotent beings could lose their minds?  If it was then he was probably a good candidate for the great celestial psych ward.  “I have…things to do,” he muttered weakly before he headed for the stairs.  Glancing at Marlena with open curiosity, Lucie followed him.

 

For John, as soon as Eugene and the nanny left the room, it was as though much of the tension dissipated and he found himself moving closer to Marlena.

 

 “You have flour on your nose Doc,” he affectionately brushed at her nose with his fingers.

 

“I…I was going to bake some cookies for the kids,” she swallowed, her body responding intuitively to his touch and to the closeness of his body.  He smelled wonderful and she was suddenly reminded of their lovemaking yesterday evening.

 

“Oh no, anything but the cookies!”  John joked gently.  “Spare my poor babies that at least.”

 

“You’re horrible,” she smiled, but the echo was muted in her eyes before she turned from him and wiped her hands on the thighs of her dungarees. 

 

She suddenly felt horribly awkward, and she had no idea how to broach the subject of what was bothering him.  What was more, she wasn’t sure she had the courage to, lest she heard the answer that she feared.  Part of her wanted to bury her head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend that there was no problem, that there were no hurdles to overcome.  But denying the problem would only make it worse.  *Had* only made it worse.

 

“Marlena,” the distance in John’s voice chilled her and she jumped as she felt his hand on her upper arm.  Taking a deep breath, she swung back round to face him.

“Why don’t we sit down?”

 

 

******

 

 

“Eugene,” Lucie caught up to Q outside his bedroom door.  “Are you okay?”

 

“Fine,” the word was hard and tapped out in a staccato beat.

 

“Are you sure?”  Green eyes looked up at him innocently from under long, black lashes, “you seemed really tense down there.”

 

“You didn’t exactly help matters,” he snapped angrily.

 

“Me?”  She blinked and then recognition dawned.  “Oh, I’m sorry, sometimes I think out loud and it tends to get me into trouble.”

 

“Yeah well,” he scowled, “maybe you should practice minding your own business, in future.”

 

“Eugene, I’m just trying to help,” she said, her face falling.  “I like you all, you’re nice people, you don’t deserve this unhappiness.”

 

“And what would you know about it?” he crossed his arms in front of him, the frown still plastered across his face.

 

“Well…..” a wicked smile slipped onto her face, “I watch and listen a lot.  I like to study people.  I think they can be fascinating, don’t you?”

 

The smile quirked at one corner of her mouth, and she lifted one hand and drew a soft finger over the flesh exposed by the vee of his shirt.  Moving closer, she felt Q tense under her touch.  “I must say, I’m finding it quite the education on human relationships living here.  Wouldn’t you agree?”

 

Q felt as if he was choking as her eyes flashed emerald and then slid strangely into a familiar hazel hue.  Then all at once they melted back to a brilliant green.  If he had blinked, he might have missed it.  But he hadn’t blinked and suddenly his body was screaming to escape this inexplicable torment.

 

“I have…. things…. to do,” his voice was raspy and hoarse as he jerked away from her touch. 

 

Yanking open the door to his bedroom, he slammed it behind him, his body thudding heavily against the smooth wood.  Holding his stomach, he sank to his knees, trying to beat the nausea and dizziness that suddenly enveloped him.

 

“I’ll bet you do,” Lucie’s words were almost inaudible, but her smile would have left anyone watching in no doubt that she was very pleased with herself.

 

 

******

 

 

“How are you feeling baby?” John asked as he sat on the sofa next to Marlena.

 

“Confused,” she wasn’t prepared to dance around small talking for the next half an hour while they both avoided the subject that was tearing them apart.  She needed to know how he felt, and they needed to talk this out if they had any hope of resolving it.  “And hurt.”  She looked down at her hands, which were rolled into balls.  With effort, she loosened them and stretched out her fingers.  “I waited for you to call last night.  I was worried.”

 

“I know, I did say I’m sorry Doc.”  He sighed awkwardly.  “It was pretty rough there for a while and like I said, I needed some time to sort out my thoughts.”

“Thoughts about what?” she asked, her anxiety sending tentacles of dread to wrap her shivering skin.

 

“About us,” he looked up at her, icy eyes burning into her soul, and she suddenly was struck by the fleeting terror that he was going to walk away from her once again.

 

“I….” Her voice cracked and she found that her hands were curling up again of their own accord.  Damned hormones.

 

“Doc?” John bent his head, but she turned away from him before he could see the tears in her eyes.  Before he could see her fear and doubt.

 

“Just say what you have to say John,” she looked upwards at the landing, blinking desperately in an effort to beat the tears.

 

“Baby, I didn’t mean…” John swallowed as he watched her, her body language spelling out all too obviously what she feared.  “Marlena, look at me sweetheart.”

 

Taking one of her hands in his and rubbing his fingers over the tight fist, he started to open his mouth to speak again.  However, he was interrupted by the brassy ring of the telephone.

 

“I’d better get that,” Marlena mumbled as she pulled her hand away from him and used it to push herself up off the couch.  Dammit, she had meant to be strong, she had meant to talk to him calmly and rationally about what was bothering him.  But before they had even begun to talk, she had let her emotions paralyze her and now she was desperate for something, anything to help her escape what might be coming.

 

John sighed and dropped his head into his hands as she picked up the phone.  After finally gathering his courage enough to talk to her about this, this was the last thing he needed.

 

“Hi Marlena, it’s Abe,” the rich vibrato resonated down the line.

 

“Abe, hi,” she crossed her arms over her swollen belly and tried to ignore the way her body shook.  “How can I help you?”

 

“Uh…well, we’ve got some news on Carrie’s case.” Abe told her carefully.  “News that I think you’ll want to know about.  You and John.”

 

“But I talked to Roman last night,” she was a little confused as she tried to play the scenarios through her head.  “He said that there were no leads apart from some cat hair or something.”

 

“Marlena, I’d rather not go into it over the phone,” something in Abe’s voice sent Marlena’s heart pounding even harder than it had been before.  “Can you come down to the station?  I’ll get someone to get hold of John and get him down…..”

 

“Uh….” her eyes flicked to John nervously before she interrupted, “he’s here Abe.”  “We can come down there right away if it’s that important.”

 

“It is,” Abe answered, a little disconcerted by the fact that John was at the penthouse with Marlena. 

 

“Well, we’ll see you shortly then.”  Marlena dropped the phone receiver into its holder and turned to John who was already standing behind her.

 

“They have some news,” she said faintly.

 

“Did he give you any clue as to what it was about?” John asked almost eagerly.

 

“No,” she shook her head, eyes wide with fear and watched as John went to collect her coat.

 

She knew what John thought Abe was going to tell them and her suspicion was that he was right.  And the thought filled her with simmering panic as she contemplated it.

 

Because if John was right, her nightmare could be about to get a lot worse…..

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 115 – Truth Time

 

 

“Doc,” Roman pulled out a chair for Marlena and took her coat from her as she sank into it, “how are you feeling?”

 

“I’ve been better,” she sighed as she watched John pace the room.  “Where’s Abe?”

 

“He just had to pop down to the lab, he’ll be right back.”  Roman perched himself on the edge of the desk.  “Did you think any more about what I said last night?”

“I couldn’t help *but* think about it,” she lowered her voice as John studied the notice board intently.  “I was going to talk to him just before, but then Abe called.”

 

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Roman squeezed her shoulder gently but pulled his hand away almost guiltily as John came towards them.

 

“I thought I might go and get a coffee; you want one. Doc?” the muscle twitched in John’s jaw as he tried to maintain the façade of control he had created.

 

“Um, no but a glass of water….” Her voice faded as her eyes met his.  She could read the misery that lurked behind the intense brilliance of the blue irises, and it stole her breath momentarily.  Is he jealous of Roman *too*?

 

Had this gone so far that the pain that he was feeling was spilling over into different facets of their life?

 

“Sure,” he nodded, his expression hard as he turned from them and left the office.

 

Roman said nothing for a moment, digesting the exchange between John and his ex-wife.  Things seemed to be going seriously downhill and surely this stress couldn’t be good for her.  Maybe it was time to have a word to John and beat some sense into the moron’s head.

 

“I think I’ll get a drink too,” he slid off the corner of the desk, but Marlena caught his hand, troubled amber eyes staring up at him.

 

“Please don’t say anything,” she begged.  “I think at this point it will only make things worse.  He needs to come to this his own way and in his own time.”

“But Doc, he’s hurting you in the process,” Roman argued gently.

 

“Roman, I’m a big girl and I can deal with it.  This problem is between John and me and it’s up to us to sort it out,” she smiled peakily.

 

“If you’re sure…” Roman looked like he wasn’t entirely ready to leave her to her own devices.  He knew how good she was at running away from problems, at pretending that they didn’t exist.  He didn’t want to see her let another relationship fall into disrepair because she was avoiding the issue of communication once again.  He just wanted so much to see her happy and he wanted to help her if he could.

 

“I’m sure,” she squeezed his fingers and then dropped her hand back to her knees, hunching over as the baby kicked her heavily.  “Yikes baby,” she rubbed the tender spot, “go easy, will you?”

 

“Doc!  Are you okay?” John almost dropped the drinks he was carrying in his haste to get to her side as he caught the look of pain that danced across her face.  Crouching down beside her, he passed the drinks to Roman and took her hand in his.  “Are you in pain?”

 

“I’m okay,” she gasped for a breath, “I just think this baby is getting a kick-start on how to swing a baseball bat, that’s all.”

 

“Hey well, that’s my boy… or girl,” he added with a proud and relieved grin. 

 

Suddenly realizing what he had said, he looked around at the open door and his expression fell as he saw Abe standing there.

 

“Oh sh*t,” his face paled as Abe looked at him in astonishment.

 

“Did you say that this is *your* baby John?” Abe asked slowly.

 

“Shhh…shhh…shhh,” John was on his feet in a split second, and he moved behind Abe to close the door.

 

“So, it’s true then?” Abe looked at Marlena who was meticulously avoiding his gaze and then back at John.

 

“Yeah partner,” John nodded, crouching beside Marlena again as she straightened up.  “It’s true, but we don’t want it going any further than this room for now okay?”

 

“You knew about this?” Abe asked Roman, his mind still trying to wrap around the fact that Marlena was having *John’s* baby.  Again.

 

“Yeah, but I couldn’t tell you Abe,” Roman jammed his fingers into the pockets of his jeans and straightened his arms.  “It’s a very complicated situation.”

 

“Well, I guess you could say that,” Abe blinked, trying to work out how he felt about this revelation.  “Does Eugene know?”

”Abe!” Marlena finally spoke, the hurt shining in her eyes.  “How can you ask that?  Of course Gene knows.”  She turned away, biting her lower lip to stop it trembling.

 

“Abe, it’s straight up,” John took Marlena’s hand in his and stroked it.  “Eugene is our cover for now.  We can’t tell everyone until Kristen has her baby because she’s unbalanced.  We’re afraid she might do something to hurt herself or…” he paused, looking at Marlena, “someone else if she were to find out the truth.  Marlena having my baby threatens the delusion that she has built around the idea of a having a family with me and we just can’t risk that right now.”

 

“Okay,” Abe nodded carefully as he watched John and Marlena and then suddenly understanding dawned on his face.  “Do you mean to tell me that you two….?”

 

“Yeah partner,” John grinned, slipping his arm around Marlena who turned back to face her old friend.

 

“We’re back together Abe,” she finished for him.

 

“Well, this is *great* news,” Abe laughed merrily, “*great* news!”

 

“We think so,” John stared at Marlena who smiled back, despite herself.  He allowed himself to relax then and he tapped her chin gently.

 

“Marlena,” Abe hunkered down in front of her.  “I’m sorry if I inferred anything.  It was unfair of me; I know you better than that.  I’m sorry, I was just surprised and speaking before I thought.”

 

“That’s okay Abe,” she said softly with a small smile.  “I know you didn’t mean it like that.”  But still she held tightly onto John’s hand.  “So, what was it that you had to tell us?”

 

“Ah…. yeah… that.”  He looked down at the file in his hands and then up at Roman.

“Doc told me on the way over here about the cat fur in the hut by the river,” John stood with Abe, “does this have anything to do with that?”

 

“No, forensics is still working on that,” Roman moved behind his desk and took a seat, determined to keep an eye on Marlena.

 

“Yeah,” Abe placed the manila folder carefully on the desk and leaned against it, “this is something else, something we missed the first time around.”

 

“Missed?” Marlena looked up at her friend.

 

“Yeah.  We had forensics go through all the stuff in Carrie’s case, but somehow the stuff in her purse was …. overlooked.”

 

“But I thought you tested the gun and everything else she had on her?” John frowned.

 

“Not the purse she had in the Grill John, the one that she had with her when she disappeared.” Roman clarified.  “The security camera in the building showed that she had a large brown purse with her and when we did a second search of the apartment, we found it stuffed in the back of a cupboard.”

 

“So, you tested what was in the purse?” Marlena asked, feeling weak.

 

“Yeah, we just got the results back from forensics this morning.”  Abe turned around and drew a sheet from the folder beside him.  “They found two partials, a smudged one on Carrie’s sunglasses and a good one on her credit card.”

 

“Prints….” John nodded without surprise.  “Don’t tell me.  You found a match?”

 

Marlena closed her eyes as Abe nodded and handed the sheet to John.  Oh please God, don’t let it be him.  Please don’t let it be him…. Please don’t let it be him…please don’t…please, please don’t….

 

John looked at the positive ID, the eyes in the mug shot staring back at him, obdurate and evil.  He knew those eyes almost as well as he knew his own and one day, if luck was on his side, he would see them again, lifeless at last.

 

“Stefano DiMera,” he breathed all his hatred for the man into the words he uttered.  “I’ll kill the b*stard.”

 

“No,” Marlena voiced faintly, “no, it can’t be.  It must be wrong.”  Pushing herself upright, she snatched the sheet from John’s hands.  But, as sure as the sun would rise tomorrow, there was Stefano staring back at her, snaring her with his malevolent gaze.  “Oh G*d, no!”

 

“Marlena!” John caught her as she staggered slightly.  “Baby careful, are you okay?”

 

“John he can’t be back, he can’t!” she shook her head frantically as she clung to him.  Her fingers gripped the picture of Stefano and even as she tried to tear her eyes away from it, still they were drawn back.

 

Stefano DiMera. 

 

He had destroyed everything she had ever loved one way or another.  He had taken Roman from his family.  He had stolen five years of her life, five years that she should have been loving her children and tucking them in at night.  He had manipulated and bullied and tormented them until they were afraid to look around the next corner.  And then he would come up behind them and blindside them again.

 

Her heart pounded in her chest and her throat constricted as she struggled to breathe through the panic.  Oh G*d, oh G*d, oh G*d.  Frightened tears filled her eyes as she recalled the last time, she had felt this much terror in a single, unexpected moment.

 

When she was pregnant with Belle.

 

Her whole body became rigid as the realization echoed in her mind.  When she was pregnant, when she had gone into premature labor, when Stefano had destroyed her marriage and her life in one fell swoop.

 

“It’s okay baby,” John told her soothingly as he folded his arms around her, deftly plucking the sheet from her fingers and handing it back to Abe as he did so.  “Everything will be fine, I promise you.”

 

“How can you say that?” her eyes filled with panicked tears.  “G*d, last time he came to town I was seven months pregnant, and he brought nothing but destruction in his wake.  We thought he was dead, and he came back to haunt us.  He destroyed our lives, and this is so much like déjà vu I don’t know if I can take it.”  Her knees sagged again, and John held her tightly as she grabbed handfuls of his shirt.  She felt out of control, the terror swallowing her up, consuming her as she struggled with the truth.

 

“Don’t you know history never repeats Doc,” he said lightly, although deep down the knowledge that the old man could do this to Marlena, evoke this terror without even being within sight made him both angry and a little afraid.  “Don’t worry baby, I promise you that we’ll take care of it.”

 

“How John?” she suddenly pushed away from him, finding her fighting spirit.  They could make all the comforting noises they liked, but she knew the truth.  Stefano was deadly, and playing his games only lead to misery.  “Have you forgotten that he put you in hospital and very nearly took you away from me just a few short weeks ago?”  Her face was pale, but two bright red spots appeared on her cheeks as she continued.  “Stefano is a monster, he’s evil.  How can you fight him, how can you defeat him, he’s always one step ahead of all of us.”  Her eyes flicked around the room in apprehension.  “You *can’t*.  And you know it.”

 

“That’s not true Doc,” Roman shook his head.  “We have the law on our side.  We have the whole damn police force to track this b*stard down and bring him to justice.  He’s not going to outsmart us this time.”  His face softened.  “And besides Doc, you know that Stefano’s forte is mind games.  He will try and play us off, one against the other if he can.  But there is one big difference this time,” he smiled.  “This time there are no secrets.  There’s nothing he can use to come between you and John.  You have to hang onto that thought.”

 

Nothing except for the fact that she slept with another man this time too, huh Johnny boy?  John clenched his fast and tried to subdue the voice that taunted him.  Burying the thought, he turned to Roman.

 

“What can I do to help you find DiMera?” he asked purposefully.  “What are you doing to track him down?”  Roman opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it, looking to Abe for guidance.  Not waiting for an answer, John ploughed on.  “You want money?  You want manpower?  You just come to me Abe.”  He could feel the thrill of the chase in his gut as he spoke.  “Hell, I’ll track the old man down myself if you’ll just give me the information that you have.  I was a cop once; I can find him and I’ll deal with him too.  He’s escaped federal justice too many times.  This time, for what he did to Carrie, he’s going to pay.”

”Only if it’s a team effort John,” Roman was equally as intense as he contemplated the very real possibility of being able to make Stefano suffer for what he had done to his family.  “I’m not going to be deprived of the feeling of my fingers around that old f*cker’s neck.”

 

“You’re on, Roman,” John’s grin was ugly.  “You can have his neck while I break every bone in his miserable body.”

 

“STOP IT,” their bloodlust was interrupted by Marlena’s anguished cry, “just *stop* it!”  They both turned to look at her, their surprise clear on their faces.  “Listen to yourselves!”  Tears spilt from her eyes as she glared at them.  “Listen to what he’s *done* to you.”  She tried to hold back the tears, but they came, unwanted and unhindered.  “I just can’t deal with this.  I can’t deal with you like this….”

 

John moved to catch her arm, but he was too late as she whirled around and tore the door open.  Slamming it behind her, she made for the open elevator as fast as she could and desperately hit the down button as she swiped at the tears.

 

“Marlena!” John pulled the door open and dashed for the elevator, but his hands met cool metal as the doors slid closed, separating him from the woman he treasured above all else.

 

“Damn!”  He turned back to Roman who was standing white faced behind him.  “Dammit Roman, what the hell did we do that for?”

 

“I don’t know,” Roman shook his head vexedly.  “I really don’t know.”

 

 

With tears obscuring her vision, Marlena hurried towards the entrance to the station.  She wasn’t sure where she was going, only that she had to get away, had to get some air.

 

“Woah!”  The voice sounded a split second before she ran into its owner.  “Wow, Marlena,” Trudie brushed dark auburn curls out of her eyes.  “Do you wanna watch where you’re going?”

 

“Sorry,” Marlena mumbled as she tried to sidestep the young woman.

 

“Wait, *wait*.  You’re not getting away that easily…” Trudie stepped back, realizing the cause of Marlena’s clumsiness was that she was highly agitated and more than a little distressed.  “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” the words brought on a fresh bout of tears and Marlena turned from Trudie, striving to defeat them with desperate fingers.

 

“You don’t look fine.”  Trudie took her arm gently.  “Look, let’s go and sit down for a few minutes, huh?  You don’t look like you should be going anywhere in this state.”

 

Marlena thought for a moment of refusing her, but realized that she didn’t have the strength, she let herself be led outside to one of the benches.  Dropping her purse, along with the very late lunch that she had brought Roman on the bench next to her, Trudie sat next to Marlena.

 

“So what is this all about then?” she asked without fanfare.

 

“I….” Marlena shook her head.  “I’d rather not talk about it.”

 

“And what good would that do you?” Trudie shrugged.  Her friends didn’t call her forthright for nothing.  “I take it that Roman and Abe told you about the prints?”

 

“Prints?” Marlena looked up at the brunette, her eyes reddened and miserable.  When she found the answer in Trudie’s eyes, her shoulders drooped.  “Stefano.”  The name sent chills wending their way around her soul, but she said it as strongly as she could.  She would not let him break her.  She couldn’t for her babies’ sakes.  For John’s sake.

 

“Yeah,” Trudie nibbled the inside of her cheek.  “Pretty frightening huh?”  At that, Marlena looked up at her, her manner strengthening into one of defiance.  However, her eyes still betrayed her inner terror as she spoke.

 

“You don’t even know the half of it,” she said quietly.  “Every time one of them has gone after Stefano, something terrible has happened.  And now they want to go after him again.”  She struggled to swallow; her mouth dehydrated.  “They want revenge and I….” she looked away, focusing on the green oak tree across the street.  “I just don’t think I could survive that again.”

 

“Marlena, they have to feel like they can do something to protect their family,” Trudie had already had this conversation with Roman.  She understood Marlena’s fears more than she would like to admit, but she could also understand that this was how Roman needed to deal with this and she had finally accepted it.  “If they sit back and do nothing, if they spend their lives hiding from Stefano, it makes them feel impotent and useless.  *Worse* than useless actually.  They would lose their self-respect and you can’t ask them to give that up.”  She waited for a response from Marlena, but the only reply she got was from an irate driver blowing his horn at the cab in front of him.

 

“Marlena, Roman has told me what Stefano has done to his family, to your family.  And quite frankly, I can understand his anger and hatred of the man.  And I can understand his need to make sure it never happens to any of you again.”

 

“Do you think *I* don’t feel it too?” Marlena asked suddenly, and Trudie noticed that her fists were curled into white balls in her lap.  “Do you think that I don’t *loathe* that b*stard with every fiber of my being for what he’s done to my family?  What he did to Roman?”  Her eyes flashed with golden fire as she spoke, the words harsh and angry.  “By rights I should feel more hatred for him than anyone else.  He took five years of my life.  He took my husband, and he took my peace.  And he’s *still* taking.”  She shook her head, breathing out the rage with a long, cleansing breath.  “Fifteen years and he’s still taking.”

 

“And can you forgive him for that?” Trudie asked quietly.

 

“No,” Marlena shook her head heatedly.  “I’ll never be able to forgive him for the destruction he’s brought to the Bradys.  Never.”  She glared at Trudie.  “I hope he rots in hell for an eternity for what he’s done to us.”

 

“Well, you can’t expect them to forgive him either.” Trudie pointed out reasonably.  “They just deal with it differently than you do.  They have to voice their anger and work it out by trying to do whatever they can to make sure this never ever happens to you and your family again.”  Tentatively, she laid her hand on Marlena’s arm.  “I know it’s hard, I know it’s frightening, but you have to let them do what they need to do.” 

 

Marlena looked down at the grass beneath her feet and Trudie decided it was time to play her final card.

“Can you tell me you’ve never wanted to go after him yourself?  That you’ve never wanted to wipe that scum off the face of the earth?  Even to protect your family?”

 

Marlena turned to look at the young woman, her cornflower blue eyes glittering in the sunlight.  How could she lie?  She hadn’t only *wanted* to go after Stefano.  She had once.  She had held a gun on him……. and she had pulled the trigger without remorse.  And when she had thought him dead, she had only felt relief and thankfulness that her children were finally safe.  Or so she had thought.

 

“No,” she shook her head.  “I can’t tell you that.  I know how strong the need to protect those you love is.”  She paused and her fists uncurled slightly.  “And that’s why I don’t want them to go out there, go after him.  It’s just too dangerous.”

 

“And that’s why you have to let them Marlena,” Trudie was sympathetic to her pain and fear.  She felt it herself and she didn’t have the history of dread and loss to back it up.  She could only imagine the kind of struggle Marlena must be having right now.  But she also knew the way that it had to end if she wanted to resolve this with Roman and John.

 

“Doc!” John grabbed Marlena’s hands and squatted down in front of her.  “I’m so sorry, are you okay baby?”  He brushed the hair from her face with shaking fingers and let out a sigh of relief as he saw she was unharmed.

 

“I’m okay John,” she told him soothingly, lifting her fingers to his face to smooth out the lines of anxiety. 

 

“Trudie found me and talked some sense into me.”  She looked gratefully up at the tall young woman who was now standing with Roman.

 

“Thanks, Trudie,” John squinted into the sun as he looked up. 

 

“I know that you have to do what you feel is right,” Marlena told him as steadily as she could.  She didn’t really want to be saying this.  She didn’t want to encourage him.  But Trudie’s words had rung too true to be ignored.  That was the kind of men that Roman and John were.  That was why she loved John.  Because he was so fiercely protective of those he loved.  Because he would never let them down if he could possibly help it.  And she couldn’t ask him to be any less than he was.  It wasn’t fair of her, however much she was afraid.  “It doesn’t mean I’m going to like it, because I’m not.  In fact, I’ll *hate* it, but I do promise you that I’ll try not to fight you on it okay?”

 

“Okay,” John nodded with a tender smile as he wiped away the last of her tears.  “But I think we should really finish this conversation later, because right now I think I want to be getting you home all right?”  His eyes were earnest and concerned as he stood, and she couldn’t refuse him.

 

“All right,” she let him pull her upright and she sank into his arms as he held her close for a moment.  She knew that being together in public wasn’t particularly smart, but with Kristen under sedation, she was less inclined to care.  Especially when she so desperately needed to feel John’s warmth and reassuring solidity.

 

“We’ll catch you later okay Roman?” John unfolded his arms from around Marlena and caught her hand in his as they headed towards the Jeep.

 

“Look after her,” Roman entreated John as he watched them go and then he turned to Trudie.  “Thanks for your help, baby.”

 

“No problem,” she watched the couple as they made it to the vehicle.  “So, I guess that answers that question huh?”

 

“What question?” Roman shaded his eyes as he turned around to see John help Marlena into the Jeep.

 

“Whether that Eugene guy is a cover for those two.”  She grinned her amusement.  “I could see at the party what was going on.  He could barely keep his eyes off her all night that night.”  She turned to Roman with raised eyebrows.  “You knew, didn’t you?”

 

“Who me?” he laughed innocently as he slid his arm easily around her shoulders.  “I think you must have me mixed up with somebody else.”

 

“Oh well, tell me, was it you that I tied to the bed last night or was that this other fellow that I’m mixing you up with.”  She giggled playfully as she slipped her hand into the back pocket of his jeans.

 

“Oh, you’ll keep…” he told her with a grin.  “Don’t you worry about that…”

 

 

******

 

 

“Mike!” Marlena dropped her bag on the floor by the door and let John take her coat from her.  “I didn’t expect to see you here.”  She was suddenly struck by a thought.  “Is everything okay, is there a problem with Kristen?”

 

“No, no Marlena,” Mike stepped forward and gave her a hug.  “I was just waiting for Lucie to get ready actually.  We’re going out,” he added by way of explanation.

 

“Oh yes, she did tell me,” Marlena’s smile disappeared as she saw Eugene descending the stairs, the sight of him bringing back the realization that she and John still had to deal with that problem.

 

“Eugene, is Lucie ready yet?” Mike asked with a hint of impatience.  He didn’t exactly want to get caught up here; he’d already had enough of John Black’s domestic dramas to last him for the week.

 

“Marlena,” Q said stiffly, “when you have a moment, perhaps I could have a word?”  After the nightmare of the dream this morning, coupled with the brush with the devilish nanny, Q had finally decided that enough was enough and that staying here was ultimately more dangerous than leaving.  If Kristen was sedated, then surely John could spend his time here and look after Marlena’s safety.  Hell, he’d *swap* places with John at this point in time.

 

“Gene?” Marlena’s stomach immediately began to churn as she watched his eyes avoid hers.

 

“Well, I’m going to go and put some tea on if you two want to talk,” John said as calmly as he could and before Marlena could argue, he was gone.

 

“How about we go out to the terrace?” Q asked with a pointed glance at Mike.

 

“Okay,” she whispered with a small nod as he held his arm out to invite her to lead the way.

 

She was halfway across the room before she felt an agonizing pain rip through her abdomen.

 

“Oh G*d,” she gasped breathlessly as her arms wrapped protectively around her stomach.  Even so, she was unprepared for the second pain that gripped her with frightening intensity and she let out a cry of anguish as the room swam inkily before her.

 

Her last thought before she passed out was that she was grateful for the strong arms that were there to catch her as she crumpled into darkness.

 

 

 

Chapter 116 – Fears, Scares And Nightmares

 

 

John dropped the cup in his hand as he heard Marlena’s cry of pain and the porcelain mug smashed noisily against the tiled floor, shattering into what looked like a thousand pieces.  By the time he made it to the doorway, he was just in time to see Marlena collapse into Eugene’s arms, her hands pressed defenselessly against her rounded belly.

 

“Marlena!” Q staggered as he caught her full weight, desperately afraid that something was seriously wrong with her.

 

“Get her to the couch,” Mike was immediately beside him, snapping instructions. Hooking one hand under her buckled knees, Gene lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the sofa.

 

“It’s gonna be all right, baby,” he murmured as he lay her down on the cushions, “you’re going to be okay.”  He pushed the ruffled golden hair from her ashen face and stroked her cheek.  “C’mon Marlena, open your eyes.  Talk to me.”

 

Doc!  A panicked John sprinted across the room, falling to his knees at the head of the sofa.  Oh God, please let her be all right.  Please let them both be all right.  Please, I’m begging you…  But even as he sent up the silent prayer another thought entered his mind.  Silently, he watched Eugene gently brush the hair from her face, almost unaware of the fact that he was only inches away, and a chill coursed through him.  And please let me have the restraint not to kill him.  Please let me ignore him.  For Marlena’s sake…

 

“Gene, just let me -” Mike pushed Q aside, dragging his medical bag with him.  It was possibly the quickest exam he had ever done in his life as he took her pulse and blood pressure and checked her heartbeat and her pupils.  Once he had determined that the fetal heartbeat was still strong, he relaxed a little.  However, her hands were cold and clammy to the touch, and he spent a moment debating whether he should call an ambulance to take her to the hospital.

 

“M-Mike?”  John reached out a trembling hand to touch her pallid skin as his heart pounded raggedly in his chest.  He couldn’t stand it; he couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her.  After everything that they had fought through….

 

“The baby is okay John,” Mike said in a voice as strong as he could manage.  “And despite her blood pressure being elevated, I think that Marlena is fine too.  I think that the stress probably just got a little too much for her.  I would like to take her down to the hospital and run some tests though.”

 

Suddenly, feeling as though he was being watched, Q tore his eyes away from Marlena’s face and looked up at the landing.  He wasn’t surprised to find that Lucie was watching the scene and he oddly found himself even less surprised when she winked at him, her expression changing so languidly that he found himself reminded of a cat stretching.

 

“Ohhh,” Marlena stirred, and his attention immediately switched back to the woman on the sofa beside him.  The woman for whom he would sell his immortality and his very soul.

 

“Marlena-”

“Doc-”

 

Their voices mingled as Marlena slowly blinked, the room resolving in front of her.

“Oh, what happened?” she croaked as she raised a hand to her head, which was still swimming.

 

“You passed out Marlena,” Mike said gently.

 

“I wha…?”  She searched back in her mind for the remembrance that would help her understand what had happened.  It was only a moment before she recalled the searing pain and her hand wrapped instinctively around her belly.  She had fainted and Gene had been there to catch her. She remembered that much.

 

 Without any hesitation, she reflexively sought out Eugene’s concerned face.

 

Oh, please God, please let the baby be all right….  Gene will know if there’s a problem.  He will know, he can tell me.  He can make it right…

“Gene….?”  The room swirled around her as she moved her head and she groaned, closing her eyes.

 

“It’s okay sweetheart,” he had known what she would ask, and he had already checked that the baby was all right.  At least his Q powers could help her with that, even if he had screwed up everything else.  “The baby is fine.”

“Are you sure?” she opened her eyes, hazel irises shimmering with alarm.

 

“I’m sure,” he smiled tenderly, and she focused on his face, sweet and caring.  “I think it was probably just your body telling you to slow down.”

 

“I’d still like to take you to hospital and run some tests,” Mike reaffirmed as he checked her pulse again.

 

“No, no it’s okay,” Marlena sighed, relief flooding her voice.  She trusted Gene implicitly to tell her the truth.  If he had any doubts, he would tell her, she knew that.  Right now, the worst thing, the most stressful thing she could imagine was going to the hospital and being poked and prodded.  And all they would do was take some blood, do a scan and send her home.  She would much rather stay here cocooned and safe.  “If Gene says everything is fine, then it’s fine.” 

 

Mike looked at her, his doubt reflected in his eyes.  However, he stayed silent as he ran his fingers over her stomach, palpating various spots.

 

“No pain there?” he asked thoughtfully.

 

“Nope,” she shook her head as the baby squirmed comfortably inside her.  There was no pain at all, and it just confirmed her feeling that it was an isolated incident.  Like Gene said, just her body telling her to slow down.   “It feels just fine.”

 

Suddenly realizing that she hadn’t seen John, she tried to use her hand to raise herself and look around.

 

“John? Oh…” the pallor of her skin was cast with a greenish hue as the world began to spin again, a low hum buzzing in her ears.  Eugene caught her as her elbow gave way and helped her lie back down.

 

“I’m here Marlena.”  John slid his fingers over her cheek, hoping that she didn’t notice how deathly cold they were.  He hadn’t been slow to observe that the first person that Marlena had turned to when she had come round had been Eugene and it had left him feeling angry and conflicted.

 

On one hand, he was incredibly grateful that she was all right and that this seemed to be nothing more than a scare, a warning to take it easy.  But on the other hand, he had seen evidence with his own eyes of the affection that still existed between Eugene and Marlena.  And the fact that she had turned to *him* first in order to allay her fears about the baby burned John so deeply that he didn’t know how to react.

 

But what killed him more than anything else was that he recognized the look on Q’s face as he talked to Marlena, reassuring her, comforting her.  He recognized the tenderness in the other man’s voice and in his touch and he knew what it meant.  Q still loved Marlena.  She was inside his heart like she was John’s and if Q was lucky, it might fade a little over time.  But it would never leave, that was as sure as the sun was setting outside.

 

And her reaction, the way she took comfort from his closeness, the way he had been the first person she had looked for, whatever the reason, didn’t exactly give John cause to rejoice.  The knowledge that she and Eugene shared a bond, a special friendship even through everything that happened was hard for John to accept.  And it made it even harder for him to sit by as he watched them reach out to each other.  In fact, it made it damn near impossible.  As far as he was concerned, he shouldn’t *have* to sit by.  *He* was the one she should be turning to for comfort and reassurance, *not* her ex-lover.

 

“John?” her voice was a little stronger this time as she propped herself up on her elbow, and despite another burst of dizziness, she looked around at him.

 

“Yeah baby, I’m here,” he glowered at Eugene, who quickly moved out of the way and John moved around to kneel beside her on the couch.  “You frightened me Doc,” he gasped, suddenly realizing he had been holding his breath and he gathered her up in his arms.  “Please don’t do that again.”

 

“Mmmm, well it wasn’t much fun for me either,” she murmured as she slipped her arms around his neck and drew strength from his closeness.

 

“Don’t you think you should go to the hospital and let Mike check you and the baby over?” he asked, his slowly subsiding concern resonating in his voice.

 

“No,” she drew back from him, shaking her head with glazed eyes.  “I’m okay, really.  I think it would be more stressful for me to go to the hospital.  Right now, I’m tired and I really would just like to take a nap.”

 

John looked over at Mike, who shrugged his acceptance. 

 

“We can’t make her go,” he admitted.  “But I’ll only feel comfortable if you promise to let me come over in the morning and give you a thorough check-up.  And if you have any more problems, anymore *at all* before then, I want you to promise me you’ll go straight to the hospital okay?”

 

“Okay,” Marlena nodded her head tiredly.

 

“And I want you to spend the next few days being careful and resting all right?” Mike tucked his stethoscope back into his bag, thankful that he had had the foresight to bring it up with him.

“All right,” Marlena pushed the hair back off her face in a gesture of exhaustion just wishing that Mike would go so that she could relax in peace.

 

“John, Eugene, if I could just have a word with the two of you?” Mike suggested as Marlena lay back on the sofa, her hands softly stroking her stomach in a gesture of maternal affection.

 

“Yeah,” John glanced at Marlena, and satisfied that she was okay, he stood.

 

They followed Mike into the kitchen where he turned to face them.

 

“Look, I don’t know what’s been going on here, but she’s obviously under a lot of strain.  You just have to look at the circles under her eyes to see that.”  He crossed his arms, feeling angry that Marlena was being put under unnecessary stress.  “I don’t know what you,” he pointed at Eugene, “were going to talk to her about, but my suggestion is that you drop it for now.  *And*,” he added, “you both drop the attitude around each other.  Whatever kind a problem you have with each other, it shouldn’t be affecting Marlena and right now it’s obviously driving her crazy.”  He frowned as he looked at their sullen faces.  “And if you can’t keep it out of her face, then stay away from her.  For goodness’ sake, just let her rest and gain some strength.  She’s going to need it once the babies are born.”

 

Taking a deep breath, he sighed and shook his head.  “This is absolutely crazy, you know that?”

“Yeah,” John nodded, his conscience pricked by Mike’s words.  “I know Mike.”

 

“You’ll promise me you’ll let her rest?” Mike eyed John suspiciously.

 

“Scouts honor,” he managed a feeble smile as he lifted two fingers and saluted the young doctor.

 

“Okay then,” Mike nodded, his shoulders dropping slightly.  “I think you should take her upstairs and let her sleep this little scare off for now.  And I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

“Right,” John nodded his appreciation of the doctor’s advice.

 

“Thanks,” Q’s expression remained neutral, and he let the pair of them leave the kitchen.

 

Mike Horton was right, he had to stay out of the way.  He couldn’t let his own weakness and stupidity make things any harder for Marlena than they already were.  He had been wallowing in self-pity and his self-recriminations were only adding to her load.  Even if she wasn’t directly aware of his feelings, she probably couldn’t help but notice that things weren’t the same.

 

He sighed as he set about cleaning up the cooking ingredients that still littered the bench from earlier in the day.  So, he just had to ignore the dreams and the memories and just focus on what they used to have.  A good, solid friendship where they were always there to help each other.  And he had to accept that she was John’s now, and for her sake, he had to learn to be able to get along with John while she was around.

 

It all sounded so easy….. in theory…..

 

 

“Dr. Mike!” Lucie flew down the stairs but stopped short at the bottom.  “Marlena, are you okay?”  Her green eyes were imbued with concern as she crossed the room to the sofa.  Her fire engine red dress stretched across slender thighs as she crouched down.

 

“I’m fine Lucie,” Marlena had pushed herself upright, but she still looked wan and vulnerable, somehow swamped by the sofa itself.

 

“Oh, come on sugar, you can’t fool me,” Lucie touched Marlena’s hand lightly.  “I don’t really think that face could fool anybody right now.  What happened?”

 

“She fainted,” John sat down on the sofa next to Marlena and slipped a protective arm around her.  “And she needs rest, not an inquisition.”

 

“Oh, don’t fuss John,” Marlena batted at his arm irritably.  She hated it when he got all overprotective and patronizing.  “I’m really okay.  It was just a scare, too much excitement I think.”  Her attempt at a smile failed and she turned to Mike.  “They’ve linked Stefano to Carrie’s disappearance.”

 

“Oh no,” Mike’s shoulder’s drooped at the news and he looked visibly distressed.

 

“Stefano?” Lucie looked interested.  “Who’s he?”

 

“Stefano DiMera has been tormenting the people of Salem for longer than most of us would care to remember,” Mike answered her question as he held out his hand.  Taking it, she stood up.  “We had thought he was dead but….” Mike shrugged.

 

“And this guy had something to do with Carrie and the shooting?” Lucie directed her question at the couple on the couch.

 

“Seems like it, yeah,” John tightened his arm around Marlena as she shivered.  “But we’re going to get him and we’re going to stop him.  He won’t hurt anybody again.  We all have to believe that.”  He covered Marlena’s hand with his own and buried his lips in her sweet golden hair, kissing her lovingly.

 

“Well, I hope so,” Lucie shivered suddenly.  “If he can do that to Carrie, I’d hate to think what else he was capable of.”

 

“Okay, I think that’s enough Lucie,” Mike’s stomach flipped as he grabbed the young woman’s hand.  No wonder Marlena’s blood pressure had rocketed up, being faced with news like that.  And Lucie seemed to be unwittingly making matters worse.  “We’re heading out of here – I’ll see you two in the morning, okay?”

 

“Okay.  And thanks Mike,” Marlena’s eyes emphasized her sincerity as he took John’s hand and stood up.

 

“Bed,” Mike pointed at Marlena halfway seriously, his point punctuated by a goofy grin.

 

“Absolutely,” John replied for her as, without warning, he swept Marlena off her feet and up into his arms.  Throwing her arms around his neck and holding on for dear life, Marlena allowed herself a giggle. 

 

“Woah Doc, how much does that kid in there, weigh?”  He pretended to stagger, hoping to cheer her up a little.

 

“Hey, that’s not nice,” she swatted him playfully.  “I’ll get you for that John Black!”

 

“Well, why don’t you tell me just what you have in mind upstairs?” John suggested with a wink just for her.

 

“You two have fun,” Lucie encouraged as Mike tugged on her hand.

 

“Oh, and you too,” Marlena laughed.  “Just remember what I said…”

 

“Don’t worry,” Lucie arched an eyebrow in her direction.  “I have a photographic memory.”

 

Mike wasn’t entirely sure that he was comfortable with the gale of laughter that followed them.  He suspected that there was some kind of private joke going on between Lucie and Marlena and he wasn’t sure he would like it if he knew what it was.  But on the other hand, he mused, if it eased Marlena’s mood, then he was all for it.

 

 

“Okay baby,” John turned his head to Marlena once they were alone.  “Let’s get you upstairs, okay?”

“Mmmm-hmmmm,” her head suddenly felt heavy, and she leaned it against his firm shoulder, inhaling the sharp, musky scent of him as he climbed the stairs with her in his muscular arms.

 

“There,” he pulled the comforter over her and left a gentle kiss on her forehead.

 

“Stay with me,” she whispered softly.  “Please?”

 

“If you want me to,” his words were smooth and rich as she felt his thumb move over her cheek.  It was rough against her skin but so wonderfully familiar that it filled her with a sweet and heavy warmth.

 

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to,” she murmured drowsily, trying to keep heavy eyelids from fluttering closed.

 

“All right then,” he shed his shoes and slipped under the covers beside her.  “Just for you, my love.”  He smiled at her, his fingers playing with her bangs as he flipped them off her beautiful face.

 

“Hold me?” her voice was timid, and it made his heart skip a beat.  She was exhausted and she couldn’t hide the uncertainty in her voice.  The fear was still there, and it wouldn’t go away until he dispelled it

 

“Of course, sweetheart,” he moved closer to her, and she snuggled against him as he wrapped strong arms around her.  “It’ll be okay Doc, I promise,” he whispered into her hair.  “We’ll make it through this.  Together I know we can get through anything.  We just have to have faith in our love.  We have to trust in its power to get us through anything.”

 

“I love you so much,” he could barely hear Marlena, her voice muffled against the cotton of his t-shirt, but he could feel the words, feel her need and he loved her for it.

 

“I love you too Doc,” his lips moved over warm, fragrant hair.  “More than I could ever tell you.”

 

Mere words could never express the depth of love he had for her.  In this very room the Devil had told him that he loved Marlena so intensely, so deeply…. he loved her more than he had ever loved anyone before.  And since.  The Devil had been right, but he had not counted on their greatest weakness also being their greatest strength.

 

Bring his hand up to smooth her hair; he stared at the familiar room as her breathing became shallow and regular.  If only I had listened to what my heart was telling me then.  If only I hadn’t let fear and guilt immobilize me, maybe I wouldn’t have brought her so much pain.  He sighed heavily.  Sometimes he wondered why she still loved him, after everything that he had done to her.  After the pain he had caused her, after the danger he had put her in, how could he still deserve her love?

 

He was bad for her he knew that.  Maybe she would be better off with someone like Eugene, someone who could give her what she deserved.  Not someone who only brought her misery, who couldn’t get over his own jealousy and selfishness long enough to take care of her needs. 

 

But he loved her too much to let her go.  It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried.  It was simply that she kept coming back to him, that they kept on being drawn back to each other.  Their love was just too powerful to deny, too strong to fight the need to be together.  It seemed to be fate that they were together.  And who was he to argue with fate?  He was just a person after all.

 

 

******

 

 

“So Q,” Q2 materialized in full military police uniform, his eyes fatigued and his expression weary, “Stefano has surfaced then?”

 

“How nice of you to knock Q,” Q didn’t hold back on the sarcasm.  He was getting more than a little sick of Q2 barging in unannounced whenever he felt like it.  The rationale that he was there to help somehow didn’t make these little tête-à-tête’s any more enjoyable and Q felt he could pretty much do without them at this point.  And he could certainly do without Q2’s smutty innuendo.

 

“Sorry ol’ boy,” Q2 slumped down on the sofa.  “Hard day at the office you know.”

”I’m sure,” Q rolled his eyes.  “Just let me find my violin, will you?”

 

“Tetchy, I see,” Q2 raised his eyebrows.  Sparring with Q was just the refreshment he needed.  “Couldn’t have anything to do with the fair Marlena now, could it?”

 

“Don’t start with me,” Q glared at the unwelcome intruder

.

“Oh, why not Q?  After all, you blush just the most perfect shade of beetroot,” Q2 chuckled evilly.  “I just have to mention the dishy doc,” he laughed again, delight resonating in the sound as he pointed at Q.  “See?  Right on cue!”

 

“I realize you get your kicks from trying to torment me Q,” Q’s lips thinned, “but you don’t have more important things to take care of?  Like maybe trying to find the renegade Q’s?”

 

“Oh, where’s your sense of humor ol’ boy?” Q2 leaned on one elbow and stared at Q.  “You used to be fun.  The life of the party.  If there was trouble going on, you were at the center of it.  If there were several dozen planets spinning out of orbit, you’d invariably be there, leaning on a hockey stick.”  He shook his head in disappointment.  “Who would have ever believed you could be tamed by a mere mortal?  I expected more of you Q.”

 

“So sorry that I didn’t live up to your expectations,” Q narrowed his eyes.  There were really no witty retorts for that.  Basically, it was true.  Before being sent back here he had lived to make trouble.  The more havoc he created, basically, the better.  To see beings scurrying around to avert one Q-created disaster after another had given him great pleasure.  But somehow now, that all seemed so pointless.  So juvenile. 

 

He had found real joy and happiness and even though he might have lost it, he would never forget how good it felt.  And he didn’t want to go back to being that same Q that he had been before Marlena’s influence.

 

“Well,” Q2 shrugged, suddenly growing tired of the jesting.  Things were too serious for that.  Things were getting out of hand, and they needed to put a stop to it.  “What do you know about Stefano DiMera?”

 

“The police think he had Carrie Brady,” Q leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.  “They found prints.”

 

“Why would DiMera leave prints?” Q2’s brow furrowed.  “He could wipe that area clean with a simple thought.  Why would he leave evidence that he was there?”

“And on something so obvious as a credit card?” Q added thoughtfully.  “It’s almost like he planted them there to be left behind.”

 

“Or someone else did….” Q2 leaned back and unbuckled his helmet, pulling it off and letting his fine blonde hair flop free.

 

Q frowned, mulling it over for a few minutes.

 

“No, I know Stefano, or at least I knew him,” he blinked rapidly as he tried to piece together the puzzle in his mind.  “This is very him.  He likes to play mind games with people.  He’s leaving clues, evidence that he is close, within striking distance.  He wants John and Marlena to know that he is near.  That he’s waiting for the right time….”

 

“To do what?” Q2 stretched his arms along the back of the sofa, revealing a tear in one arm of his uniform.

 

“Well, that’s the question,” Q raised his eyebrows as he looked at his visitor, “and one that I would have thought the Continuum would be….” He paused, surprise registering as he looked closely at Q2.  “What exactly *has* the Continuum been doing lately?”

 

“Uh well…” Q2 looked a little abashed, “you see it’s kinda been a little hectic lately.”

 

“And how would that be?” Q asked with a hint of amusement.  This was the first time in a while he had actually had the upper hand with Q2, and he wasn’t about to let it slip away unnoticed.  “Surely you’re not telling me that things are a little out of *control* Q?”

 

“Of course not -” the words tumbled out a little too quickly but Q2 caught himself and puffed his chest out in a show of bravado.  “You are starting to show many human traits Q.  Jumping to conclusions is one of them.”

 

“Hit a nerve, did I?” Q asked with a grin.  “My, my, Q, discomposure isn’t really your color.”

 

“Oh, *please*,” Q2 laughed but the sound was forced, “overactive imagination is obviously another.”

 

“Come now Q, you turn up here with a torn uniform, so unlike your sartorial self, you look tired and let’s face it,” Q raised his eyebrows, “you’re not exactly on top of your game, are you?”

 

Q2 took a breath, looking for a sarcastic reply, but suddenly realized that he didn’t have the energy to play this game any longer.

 

“It’s the renegade faction,” he answered Q in a small voice, “they’re causing more trouble than we expected.”

 

“How do you mean?” Q was thrown by Q2.’s sudden mood change.  Things must really be going wrong if Q2 wasn’t up to a verbal jousting match.

 

“They’ve started skirmishes, they’re running guerilla missions into the continuum,” Q2 sighed heavily, “they’re out of control.  There have been some serious casualties.”

 

“And this is in aid of…?”  Q raised his eyebrows.

 

“We don’t know,” Q leaned over his knees, his arms crossed across them.  “We’ve had too much on our plate just trying to defend ourselves.”

”It’s that serious?” Q wondered exactly what this meant.  Was it simply coincidence, or was this a diversionary tactic?

 

“It’s serious enough,” Q2 pursed his lips.  “Have you made any progress in tracking down any Q in Salem?”

 

“Nothing definitive,” Q shrugged uncomfortably.  He had a feeling that they were close.  Maybe so close that he could reach out and touch them.  But they were obviously powerful, and they could hide the truth of their Q identity from him as long as they wanted to.  Maybe indefinitely.  And until he could find a way to see past the veil that they were holding up, he was in the proverbial dark with this one.  “What do you think this is all about?”

 

“Somehow they are keeping all this information from us,” the blonde Q pushed himself up from the couch and paced across the room.  “But with an educated guess, I’d say that this is a good way of keeping the Continuum occupied while Stefano and his cronies set their plans in motion.”

 

“Their plans being?” Q asked.

 

“That’s what you need to work out, Q old fellow.”

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena’s breathing was soft and regular, as John held her close.  She was warm, and the soft scent of her perfume lingered seductively on her skin.  If he could freeze this moment, suspend a single fragment of time so that it stretched into eternity, he would forever be happy and blessed.  Never to doubt, never to shed another tear; just to hold her in his arms, tender and devoted, and to love her.  He couldn’t want for anything more.

 

But this was reality, and one second flowed after another.  Consistent.  Inevitable.  Unforgiving.

 

There would be tears.  That was just a fact of life.  But not tonight.  It wasn’t a thought he wanted to contemplate right now.  Mike had insisted that Marlena must rest, that she not be put under any additional emotional pressure.  And John couldn’t agree more.

 

All thoughts of their aborted conversation had fled his mind when he had seen Marlena’s waxen complexion as she lay motionless on the sofa.  He couldn’t tell her.  It was selfish to want to, especially when she was already suffering so much with Carrie and the knowledge that Kristen was so unbalanced.  And now, the thought of Stefano being so close….

 

He was barely aware of his arms tightening around her as his thoughts tumbled along random paths.  Stefano.  Harbinger of doom.  He was like some kind of evil sprite, trailing death and devastation as he plundered that which he coveted.  Or those, *whom*.

 

He looked again at the woman who lay sleeping in his arms, her smooth skin so pale that it was almost translucent in the silvered half-dark.

 

“G*d, I love you Doc,” he whispered deeply before he trailed his lips across her forehead.  She shivered lightly in his arms and he wondered what she was dreaming.  “Something happy,” his voice was a shade above a murmur as his thumb drew an invisible line over her cheekbone.  She should be happy, he wanted so much for her to be happy.  That’s all he had ever wanted…..

 

In her sleep, Marlena whimpered gently, the muscles in her fists clenching below the covers.  In her dreams there was no happiness.  Happiness remained ever elusive, stolen from her by a myth. 

 

Death.  Fire.  And obsidian eyes, glimmering with cruelty….

 

 

 

 

Chapter 117 – No One Can Hear You Scream In Salem

 

 

*NO!* 

 

The tiny hand slips from hers as it is snatched away into the darkness.

 

– No, please!  Give me my baby back!  *Please*!

 

Her voice echoes into the yawning void.  She is alone, freezing, bereft.  Reaching forward, she feels around her clumsily.  But there is nothing.  Each step in the dark is a step of nothingness.  A measure of futility.

 

– Someone help me!!

 

A sound comes out of the darkness.  A strident, discordant cackle.  The laugh of the valkyries.  It reeks of insanity.

 

– Who is it?

 

Her voice is uncertain.  It holds no illusions of what the answer will be.

 

No reply is forthcoming, but suddenly her eyes are assaulted by dazzling light.  She holds her hands in front of her face, trying to ward off the intensity of the vicious brightness.

 

– Where is my baby?

 

– You will never see them again….

 

The whisper sends chills coursing through her, and she shivers with dread.  She forces her eyes open and looks desperately around her.

 

She is in a huge white room.  The walls seem to go forever.  The walls, that are not walls.  Pushing on one, she finds herself being sucked into a corridor and she struggles to pull herself free of the web.  She is terrified.

 

– JOHN!  Where are you?

 

The laugh comes again, but this time it is echoed by a deeper, familiar laugh.  A laugh that curdles her blood in her veins.  A laugh that makes her want to empty her stomach until there is nothing left.

 

The terror is rising as she realizes it is dark again.  Feeling her way along one moist, clammy wall, her heart thumps desperately in her chest.  She has to find him.  The baby.  John.  *Anyone*.

 

An anguished grunt sounds in the darkness, and she freezes.  Freezes as the cool wall is interrupted by… a warm stickiness.  Freezes as she realizes the sound comes from her own body.  Her heart jumps into her throat as her hands feel the sodden lump.  The oozing tackiness already drying on her fingers.   

 

And suddenly the light is back, blinding, disorienting.

 

She stumbles backwards and a moan dies in her throat as she looks up.  The shape, the drenched mass is Eugene. 

 

Was Eugene. 

 

He is pinned to the wall in a garish mockery of a crucifixion, unseeing eyes staring straight at her.  Blood drips from his toes, the legacy of deep, fatal slashes.  It pools on the startlingly white floor.  Fire and ice.

 

She stumbles back against the opposite wall, losing what is left of her last meal as she stares, horrified.  She is shaking and her body feels like it is filled with frozen water.  The blood on her hands smears artlessly against the snowiness.  She doesn’t know how to move on.

 

– Marlena.

 

The voice beckons her and for a moment she fools herself.

 

– John?  Oh John!

 

She stumbles away from the carnage that was her sweet Gene and runs desperately, faltering only when the tears blur her vision so much that she cannot see.

 

Rounding the corner, she stops short, her face contorting with terror and sheer horror. 

 

– *NOOOOOOOOOO!!!*

 

John is propped up against one wall like some kind of discarded scarecrow, his head twisted away from her at an unnatural angle.  With a wail of anguish, she falls to her knees beside him and with futile hope still burning inside her, she turns his head towards her.  But his eyes are dull, the blueness has already faded to a dirty gray and his skin is cooling.

 

– Oh God, no.  No, *NO*, NOOOOOOOOO

 

Her sobbing lengthens into desolate screams, and she pulls him into his arms, cradling his lifeless body with her own.  She wants to die herself.  She feels like her heart has been ripped away from her as he has, and she is left with nothing but agony and barrenness.

 

She buries her face in his hair and sobs her heart out, the aching carving through her soul like a scythe.  How can she live without him?  How can she?  What is the point?

 

– Ah, my dear Marlena.

 

Her muscles harden against John’s limp body at the sound of that voice.  That chillingly malevolent voice.   Of course it was him.  He did this.  He has finally taken John from her.  And now he wants to gloat. 

 

Her tears dry on her face as she fights to contain the fury that she feels.  She wants to reach into his body and tear his heart out with her bare hands.  If he *had* a heart.  She wants to see him burn in Hell; she wants to see him suffer as he has made her suffer.  Death is too good for one as evil as Stefano.

 

– I assure you my dear, your tears will not bring him back

 

The voice is cold and cruel.  It reminds her of the jaws of a trap.  Spring-loaded.  Merciless.  Slowly she looks up and his eyes threaten to swallow her whole.   They are bottomless pits of unadulterated hell, and she shudders as they sweep possessively over her.  It is then that she realizes that he is holding something.

 

A baby.

 

– Congratulations *Doc*.   Kristen steps out from behind him.   – They look like John, don’t you think?

 

– Give me back my babies   Her voice is low but threatening.

 

 – Oh no, no, no.  Stefano shakes his head.  – I think you misunderstand the situation, Marlena.  You have no right to make demands.  John is dead.  Eugene is dead.  There is no one left to save you

 

He ignores the look of panic that flashes in her eyes and he turns to hand the baby he holds to Kristen.

 

– You see, Kristen will be bringing up your children.  Belle and Brady too.  And you my dear….. he smiles proprietarily and Marlena thinks she might throw up again.  – You are mine.  At last and forever.

 

– NO!

 

She struggles up from John’s body and lunges at Kristen, but Stefano catches her in burly arms as Kristen steps calmly backwards.

 

– No, I won’t let you, you can’t do this, you can’t!

 

She struggles ineffectually against Stefano’s iron grasp, tears streaming down her face as Kristen turns around and walks away.

 

– No!  *Damn* you Stefano, *DAMN* you!

 

– No, my dear, I think that is your fate.

 

His hot fetid breath caresses her neck, and she doubles over, retching……

 

 

Marlena’s eyes snapped open; the gasp choked in her throat.  John was asleep beside her, his arms around her, but she needed space, needed air and she pushed him away as she sat up, struggling to fill parched, desperate lungs.

 

Her eyes flew around the room as she frantically tried to establish in her mind that she was in fact at home, in bed.  *This* was reality, not that horror that her mind had created.  The clock glowed a gentle red, telling her that it was some twelve minutes after midnight, but her racing mind couldn’t take that in.  It was too busy trying to fight off the images of the dream that battered her.

 

Gene….  John….  *Death*…..

 

“Doc?” John looked up at her, bleary eyed, but she was too busy concentrating on trying to control the nausea.  Saliva streamed over her tongue, and she clamped her hand across her mouth as she scrambled out of bed.  “Doc, baby are you okay?”  His voice followed her into the bathroom as she crumpled to her knees in front of the toilet and let the nausea wash over her.

 

Hearing the retching from the bathroom, John’s concern multiplied, and he threw the covers back.  Finding her exactly as he had envisaged, he crouched down behind her.   His heart aching with love for her, he gently swept her hair back behind her neck and held her as she vomited, the bitter smell burning his nose and turning his own stomach.

 

When she had finally finished, he helped her move to sit against the vanity.  Then, rinsing a washcloth in warm water he used it to wipe her face with concerned tenderness.

 

“Sweetheart, I thought the morning sickness was over.”  He held a clammy hand in his as he tried to catch her averted eyes.

 

“It is,” her voice was hollow and strained.

 

“Well than, what….??” he shook his head. “Do you think it’s a virus?”

 

“No,” she shook her head, sniffing miserably as she felt her body began to shake with shock and cold.

 

She could feel John’s eyes drilling into her, wanting to know what was wrong.  She couldn’t blame him.  She had frightened him half to death earlier on in the evening and now this….

 

“I had a bad dream,” she relented slightly, trying to pacify his fears.

 

“A dream?”  He frowned, his brow puckering with worry.  This wasn’t like her.  After everything she had been through, it was only natural that she should have nightmares, but to send her to the bathroom in the middle of the night? “Doc that must have been one hell of a nightmare to have you in here in this state.  What was it about?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” her body tensed as she spat out the words.  Talking about it would be tantamount to reliving it and she didn’t want to go there again.  The fear and the terror were too fresh, too real to even contemplate, and her mind skittered away from them.  The residual memories of the dream would surely fade soon if only she could think about something else.

 

“But baby don’t you think it would be better if you did talk about it?  Maybe it will help allay some of your fears if you say them out loud?” John suggested gently.  He wasn’t sure that was the truth, but it sounded good right now.

 

“*No*!”  Her retort was violent, and she pushed herself away from him, struggling to her feet.

 

Her reaction, her refusal to talk to him set John’s alarm bells ringing as he watched her set her hands on the countertop and lean over the sink, taking deep breaths.  Why wouldn’t she want to talk to him?  Unless…..

 

“Was the dream about Eugene?” the words sounded like a demand as they left his mouth, seemingly before they had even passed through his mind.

“I beg your pardon?” Marlena blinked in amazement, her frazzled mind trying to follow his reasoning.

 

“Uh, I’m sorry,” he shook his head, realizing how idiotic he was being.  She was so distressed she was vomiting and all he could think about was himself and his own stupid jealousy.  What kind of a jerk did that make him?  “It’s late Doc, I didn’t mean it like it sounded.”

 

“How exactly did you mean it, John?” Marlena turned on the tap and splashed cold water over her face as she waited for his answer.  The resentment bubbled below the surface as his words echoed in her mind.  She couldn’t even believe he had said that.  And whatever he might say to try and worm his way out of it, she knew exactly what he meant.

 

“I know you’re worried about how offhand Eugene has been lately.  I thought maybe…” he trailed off, knowing how lame that cover was.  Reaching out tentatively, he laid his hand on her arm.  “C’mon sweetheart, I think you should get back to bed, you’re shivering.”

 

Marlena shrugged his touch off as she lifted her head, eyes brimming with anger and fear.  She could either have this out with him now, confront the problems they were having, deal with his obvious jealousy of Eugene or ……

 

“I want to brush my teeth.” She accepted his sidestep, knowing it took him away from asking her about her dream again.  For now.  She couldn’t deal with any more emotional stress tonight.  As much as she knew they had to get this out in the open, she was just too strung out and emotionally fragile now.  She couldn’t deal with accusations and pain and anger.  She had lost him once tonight in a dream that was so terrifyingly haunting that she wasn’t sure she could close her eyes again without seeing it play across the inside of her eyelids.  She couldn’t even contemplate fighting with him on top of that.  “You go back to bed; I’ll be out shortly.”

 

“I don’t want to leave you,” his voice was soft and filled with worry and Marlena suddenly found herself touched by his genuine devotion.  They didn’t need to fight tonight.  They didn’t need to be angry or scared.  They simply needed to hold each other, to feel each other’s love.

 

“I’m okay,” her voice softened, and a smile touched her lips as she lifted her eyes to his beautiful blue ones for the first time since she had woken.  The sight of him, of his worried face brought tears to her eyes and the words were stifled slightly in her throat.  “Really I am.  I just need a few minutes, okay?”

 

“Well…. If you’re sure…” he cupped her cheek with his hand, “I’m just worried Doc, after this afternoon and everything that’s been going on.  I just…” he shook his head, unable to voice the words.  I just couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you….

 

“I know you are,” she slid her fingers along the back of his hand, suddenly enjoying the feel of his calloused palm against her cool skin.  How could she stay angry at him?  She loved him too much to stay bitter and hurt.  And she had far too much invested in this relationship to let anything come between them.  “I’ll be right out, I promise.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Gene.”

 

Her voice is silky and supple, and it winds in velvet threads around my body.  Ensnaring me.  Bewitching me.

 

I fight to keep my eyes closed, to ignore her.  But that voice makes it impossible.

 

“Gene, baby open your eyes.”  I feel her touch against my skin, cool and maddening.  My eyes flicker open, betraying my will.  “That’s my boy.”  It’s that voice again.  Honey and champagne and velvet.  Throaty and sweet. 

 

I love her so much.  I *want* her so much.

 

She smiles and wets her lips with a sensual sweep of her tongue.  She reminds me of a cat with the move and I am struck by the fragment of a memory that I cannot quite recall.

 

“Do you want me baby?” she drifts a hand over the crumpled covers and my muscles twitch beneath her wandering fingers.  “Do you want to make love to me?”

 

“*No*!” I choke on the lie.  Of course I want to make love to her.  What kind of a fool would I be if I didn’t? 

 

She looks unbelievably sexy in a gauzy white robe that is nanometers away from being transparent.  But I can see the outline of her body, lush curves bathed in the golden glow that comes from the doorway.  Every inch of her was made to be cherished and adored.  I want her so much I can hardly breathe.

 

She seems to notice my discomfort and takes advantage of my distraction, drawing the covers back

“Oh Gene.”  She smiles her approval, her eyes speaking of her amusement at my futile attempt to rebuff her.  I swallow as her fingers trail lightly down over my chest and belly.  “You should know by now that you can’t lie to me.  I know how you feel.  I know how you ache to hold me.  To make love to me.”  Her eyes glow strangely amber.  “I know.”

 

“Why?”  My voice is hoarse as I snatch the sheet and pull it up.  This feels too real; it’s almost frightening.  She’s Marlena, but somehow, she’s not Marlena.  And I don’t want this, but G*d, I *do*.  I want to hold her and feel her moving against me….  “Why are you doing this to me Marlena?  Why can’t you let me be?” 

 

Her lips curled up into a half smile as she leans forward, golden cleavage tantalizingly close.

“Because you don’t want me to.”

 

 

******

 

Marlena stood in the bathroom and regarded herself in the mirror.  She was feeling better now, but she knew she wasn’t going to get to sleep in any hurry.  The thought of closing her eyes and finding her way back into that dream was too terrifying to envisage.

 

Shivering again, she realized that at some point in the evening, John had removed her dungarees and she was simply wearing a shirt and panties now.

 

“Not exactly very sexy Marlena,” she murmured with a slight smile.

 

Quickly discarding her shirt, along with her bra and panties, she lifted a sheer white robe off the back of the door.

 

“Well, sheer enough,” she said to her reflection as she knotted the silky sash around her full waist.

 

She wasn’t huge yet.  In fact, she still looked quite small considering how big the baby was but she wasn’t overly keen on the way her body was burgeoning daily.  Still, John didn’t seem to have a problem with it.  Actually, he seemed to like it, and the way he looked at her and touched her made her feel incredibly sexy.  And she could do with a little of his sweet tenderness right now.  She could do with feeling his arms around her, his mouth on hers.  Maybe his touch, the reality of his warm body moving with hers could help erase the horror of the dream.  It was worth a try, anyway.

 

 

******

 

 

“C’mon baby,” she moistens a finger with her tongue and then draws the tip of her finger along my lower lip.  I can’t help the moan that bolts from my body at the slightest of touches.  It takes everything I have just to lie there, frozen.  If I was to move I would surely give in.  If that’s not already inevitable.

 

A question echoes through my head.  *If this is a dream then why are you resisting?*  It’s a good question and one I have no answer for, except to say that this no longer feels like a dream.  It feels more like a nightmare.

 

She sits on the edge of the bed and before I can stop her, her hand burrows under the covers and a whimper escapes me as she finds what she is looking for.

 

“There, baby,” her hand moves gently, and she smiles, knowing that she has me.  “Does that feel good?”

 

“Ohhh,” I can’t say anything else; I can’t fight her any longer.  Now I can think of nothing but how warm she is and how she will feel as I enter her.

 

“Oh, there’s my boy,” she whispers with a triumphant smile as she moves away to pull on the silken sash of her robe. 

 

The filmy garment falls open, revealing her lithe figure as she straddles my stomach.  I reach up to touch her but she catches my wrists in strong fingers.

 

“Oh no, Q baby,” she says with a wanton smile, “you can look, but don’t touch.”  She snaps her fingers and suddenly I’m bound, my hands again knotted with cream silk scarves to the headboard.

 

“You see,” she sighs lightly, “this is how it’s always going to be.  Close, but never quite close enough for you.”  She leans over and flicks a hot tongue over a nipple and I groan with the pain of needing her.  She leans over me, her mouth only inches from mine.  “You’ll always be wanting me, even as you’re seeing me with John.  Even as you know that I am making love to him.”  Her teeth catch my lower lip and I gasp with the pain and the agony of her teasing.  “I’m making love to him right now you know.”  She smiles, lips pink and full.  “He’s tasting me, touching me……wouldn’t you like to be doing that to me, baby?”  She raises her eyebrows.

 

“G*d, yes, *please*!” my hips strain upwards, desperate and needy.

 

“What was that?” the robe rides down over her shoulders as she sits up.

 

“Please Marlena, *please*,” I will beg if she wants me to.  I will do anything.

 

Without a word, she pulls the robe up over her shoulders and ties the sash around her waist.  Then she runs her fingers through her hair.

 

“Well, I guess now’s as good a time to get used to it as any, huh baby?” She smiles almost viciously as she climbs off the bed.  Seeing my confused stare, she runs her fingers over my lips again with a knowing smile.  “You can look, but you can’t touch.  You want me but baby, but you know, you just can’t have me.”

 

“I…..” I shake my head in utter disbelief.  This really *is* a nightmare.  She comes to seduce me, only to leave me wanting and desperate?

 

“Oh Gene,” she shakes her head with an amused smile, her eyes green and hard.  “You really are quite pathetic.  You’re a great lay, but baby you need to work on that personality.  Maybe if you weren’t quite such a loser, I wouldn’t have been so desperate to go back to John.”

 

I swallow, feeling downright sick to the stomach.  But it doesn’t stop the blood that pounds with a violent need for her

.

“Does this mean you’ll leave me alone now?” I ask, wondering why I should believe what my dream is saying to me.  But I do.  Because she’s right.  I do want her; she is John’s and I *am* utterly pathetic.

 

“Oh no,” she shakes her head with laughter.  “Baby, you and I have too much fun together.  I enjoy making you squirm far too much and occasionally,” she winks naughtily, “I like it when you make me squirm.”

 

“*No*,” I shake my head desperately as I try to pull my hands from their bindings.  This is totally out of control.  It’s almost as if my dreams are purposefully tormenting me.   How the hell can I even look at Marlena in the morning after envisaging this?

 

“Shall I untie you Gene?” she whispers.  “What would you do if I did?  Would you pin me against the wall?  Would you take me by force?”  She licks her lips again and shrugs, her robe falling half open.  “Does the thought of that turn you o,n baby?”

 

“No, no, *NO*.”  I squeeze my eyes tightly closed, ashamed of the fact that I want her any way I can get her.  It is as though she can see to the darkest recesses of my being, teasing out the fears and the desires.  I want to bury myself inside her and I can’t persuade myself that she’s wrong.  That I wouldn’t take her by force.  She’s driving me half out of my mind, and I can’t be sure of anything anymore.  Except that I hate myself for not having the strength to refuse her.  Even in a dream.

 

She draws feather-light fingers down the exposed inside of my arm.

 

“No baby, you don’t have any say in this.  As long as you’re around me, wanting me…. I’m never going to stop tempting you.  You’re never going to stop remembering how I feel moving on top of you.  You’ll never stop imagining how it would be to be inside me again….”  She smiles, her golden hair glowing with the illumination from the hallway.  “It will *never* stop….”

 

 

“*No*!”  Q came to consciousness fighting off his blankets, struggling in blind panic as he tried to free himself.  Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he leaned over, trembling uncontrollably in the cool night air.

 

“Sh*t!” he pressed his face into his hands as though it would smother the demons that lurked.  Just waiting to pounce.  His body still burned with desire, still hungry for release and he couldn’t banish the vision of Marlena in her gossamer gown, no matter how hard he tried.  And she was right.  This was never going to end unless he could get away from her.  Their friendship lay in tatters because of his weakness, and he was going to lose his mind if he couldn’t stop tormenting himself like this.

 

Opening roughened eyes, he looked down.  His expression dawned as one of surprise and his heart thumped soundly in his chest as he reached down to pick up the cream silk scarf that lay in a crumpled pile on the floor….

 

 

******

 

 

“Doc!” John opened his eyes as he felt Marlena climb onto the bed.  His surprise was exacerbated as he found that she was wearing little more than a flimsy lace and chiffon robe.

 

With a teasing smile, she swung one leg over him, settling herself so that she straddled his hips.

 

“Hi baby,” she said in a throaty undertone.

 

“Doc?” his voice was hoarse as she untied the sash that closed the robe around her heavy waist.  “Honey, do you think this is a good idea with everything…”

”I think it’s an extremely good idea.  *Because* of everything.”  She let the robe fall open and John lifted his hands to her rounded hips

 

“Sweetheart -”

 

“Shhhh,” she touched her finger to his lips.  “I need to feel you, John.  I need you to touch me and move with me.  I need you to make love to me so that I can forget all the horror that’s in the world.  Just for tonight.”  Her hazel eyes glowed as she made her plea.  “Please, baby?”

 

When he didn’t answer, she leaned over and brushed her lips gently over his.  John’s hands rose and his fingers tangled in her disheveled hair as he pulled her into a long, demanding kiss.  His tongue dipped between her lips, and she moaned lightly as her fingers traced the lines of the muscles in his arms.

 

Sitting up, she let the robe fall from her shoulders.  With the white fabric pooling around her wrists, she smoothed exploratory fingers over his chest.  Circling a finger around one hardened nipple, she smiled as he closed his eyes and moaned.

“That’s it honey,” she whispered.  “Tonight is just about you and me and how we feel about each other.  Nothing else matters but you and me.”

 

It was like a kick in the gut and John’s jaw hardened as the words echoed in his mind.  Not so very different from words he had heard her say before.  Now it’s honest, it’s just you and I and how we feel about each other.  And that’s very special.   Words he had heard her say.  But not to him.

 

He opened his eyes, and he was immediately struck by how much she looked like she had *that* night.  As she had in the memory that had haunted him, tormented him a thousand times since.

 

Scarlet lips.  Tousled hair.  An air of abandonment that almost frightened him. 

 

His body wanted her; he couldn’t deny that.  But even at the same time, his mind recoiled at the thought.  The thought that she wanted to use sex as a means of escape once again.  The thought that she had said the same words, in the same bed to another man.  The knowledge that she had screamed Eugene Bradford’s name as he pounded into her….. right here in this bed.

 

John felt ill and furious and a thousand other emotions all rolled into one.  It was as though all the jealousy and resentment he had been harboring came back to haunt him, culminating in one single moment of overwhelming anger and revulsion.  His body burned with uncontrollable rage as she moved her hands over him.  It was as though his entire being became engulfed in the tide of pain, anger and bitterness that he had been denying and holding inside for so long.  And that wave swept all reason before it, swept every last vestige of restraint and logic into oblivion before it.

 

 How the f*ck could he compete with a demi-god?  How could he ever make Marlena sob in ecstasy like that?  How could he stop his skin crawling every time he thought about the way their love had been defiled?  How could he pretend that everything was all right when every time he closed his eyes, he saw her making love to another man?

 

All the little looks, the touches he had seen, her anguish at Gene’s distance, her searching for his comforting reassurance this afternoon, rang in John’s mind.  He couldn’t ignore it any more.  Couldn’t ignore the disgust and jealousy that burned inside him.  Couldn’t deny the fact that he *hated* Eugene for it and doubted Marlena because of it. 

 

He just couldn’t…..

 

“*No*,” it was little more than a croak, but he left her in no doubt of his meaning as he grabbed her wrists roughly in his and pulled his body out from underneath her.

 

“John?” tears filled her eyes as she turned to watch him stalk to the window.  This wasn’t supposed to happen.  What had gone wrong?  What was he angry about now?

 

She just couldn’t take this anymore.  Couldn’t take the way he made her feel when he brushed her off as though she didn’t matter.  As though her fears were nothing more than neurotic wonderings.  This was real and she *had* to know what it was about.  “John, what’s wrong?  For G*d’s sake, tell me what I did?”

 

“There’s no point in discussing it,” he growled angrily.  She wasn’t supposed to be under any emotional stress but dammit, he had hit breaking point and he couldn’t pretend any longer.

 

“No *point*?” she shook her head, her face pale and anguished.  “John, do you think I’m an idiot?  Would you tell me what the hell is going on with you?”

 

“Don’t ask questions Marlena if you’re not prepared to answer them yourself,” he returned pointedly.  She had her secrets so she would just have to accept that he had his.  And live with it.

 

“What!?”  She shook her head, slipping off the bed as she pulled the robe around her shoulders.  “What the hell is the point of us being together if you won’t tell me how you feel?  Something’s obviously hurting you, making you angry.  Please, *please* tell me what it is.”  The ache in her chest magnified as he turned away from her, his words hollowing out her soul.  The sight of his back was like a slap in the face, and she shrank back unconsciously as she clutched at the dresser next to her.

 

“I can’t talk about this; I need to get a drink.”  John couldn’t talk about it.  If he started, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop.  And feeling like he did, that would be a very bad thing for both of them.  The last thing they needed was more pain and recrimination. 

 

No, it was better to remove himself from the temptation of envy and rage for the moment.

 

“John-” she reached out to stop him, but he was already out of her reach, grabbing a robe from over the back of the chaise lounge and pulling it on over broad shoulders.

 

With an anguished sob, she watched him stride from the room, leaving his anger behind him, palpably unavoidable.  She couldn’t leave it like this.  She couldn’t bear fighting with him, but she couldn’t go on like this anymore.  Couldn’t handle his mood swings and the uncertainty of a future with this kind of tension.  No matter how painful, they had to talk about this tonight.

 

Knotting her robe around her middle, she ran after him.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 118 – Midnight Combat

 

 

John pushed stiff fingers into the pockets of the robe as he took the stairs heavily, two at a time.  He couldn’t believe he had done that, just walked out on Marlena like that.  It wasn’t that he had intended to do it.  He wanted nothing more than to take her to bed and pretend that everything was right with the world.  But what it came down to was that he just couldn’t do that anymore.  There *was* something wrong.  Something badly wrong and he just wasn’t sure if anything that came out of his mouth could possibly *not* make matters worse right now.

 

It wasn’t that he *wanted* to feel like this.  He loved Marlena *so* much. More than life itself.   But that wasn’t enough to stop him from feeling angry and betrayed.  Somehow, as much as he tried to avoid it, he seemed to be faced at every turn with memories and reminders of the past.  Almost as if someone were taunting him, getting inside his head and driving him half mad with jealousy.  And as time went on, it became more and more difficult to deny the fact that he was being torn apart by the knowledge of what had happened.  What she had done….

 

His jaw clenched tightly as he crossed the living room in long, angry strides.  He might not *want* to feel like this, but the fact was, he *did*.  She had made love to Eugene in the same bed, and it didn’t seem to phase her one bit.  She had professed to love John and then with the merest of provocations, she had turned to another man, turning her back on her feelings, on their love.

 

And now, she acted as though it didn’t matter that Eugene was still here.  Living under the same roof, sharing meals, sharing laughter.  Sharing more of her life than John was able to right now.  Didn’t she understand, or even care about how hard that was?  It seemed to him that it hadn’t even occurred to her that there was a problem here.  That there might be a conflict. 

 

But then, he knew well enough that frustrated friends and family had proclaimed her the queen of denial more than once.  In fact, he had faced her down on several occasions when she refused to see what was totally obvious.  Their fight about Stefano at the sanitarium the other day was a classic example.  That was her modus operandi, to stick her head in the sand and pretend the problem didn’t exist. 

 

So maybe she didn’t see it, because she didn’t want to see it.  Because it was too much for her to deal with.  But that didn’t stop him feeling hurt and angry and jealous.  In fact, it made it worse.  Because even she if she *was* in denial, he knew, better than anyone that it didn’t make the problem go away.

 

How did she think it made him feel to watch her turn to Eugene Bradford when she was frightened about *their* baby?  How much was he supposed to take anyway, before he lost his perspective completely?

 

He neared the kitchen, completely focused on his thoughts.  It wasn’t until he was in the doorway that he realized that the darkened kitchen was already occupied.

 

The subject of his jealous deliberations was standing with hands spread against the cool countertop, a tall glass of clear liquid between them.  His head hung over the drink, and he seemed to be struggling for breath. 

 

John couldn’t tell from his viewpoint what was going on and when it came down to it, he really didn’t want to know.  He really just wanted to forget that Eugene Bradford had ever come back into their lives.  That he had moved into Marlena’s life, her house and her bed.  And maybe even her heart.  After all, John had heard her tell Eugene she loved him.  And Marlena wasn’t the kind of woman to lie about her feelings.  So where did that put them all anyway?

 

The truth of the matter was that he couldn’t forget.  And he *certainly* wasn’t going to forget when he couldn’t even come downstairs in the middle of the night for a glass of water without running into the man.

 

He watched as Q picked up the glass and sculled the contents in long, thirsty gulps and he felt his teeth crack as they ground together.  He wasn’t sure he had ever felt this much hatred for someone other than Stefano.  And at this point, he didn’t even care if Eugene deserved it or not.  He resented his intrusion, his constant presence and his overblown sincerity.  And he hated the man for taking advantage of Marlena when she was at her weakest moment.  A moment where she should have come to *him* to ask him what was going on instead of taking the easy way out and burying her pain in a doomed fling with a so-called *friend*.

 

The black emotions poured through John, as he stood ostensibly impassive, glaring at his rival with stormy eyes.  The fact that he was here, right now, once more in the way, simply served to crystallize the feelings that John had upstairs.  The bitterness and resentment tumbled through his body like blood pounding through tight veins.  He couldn’t hide it anymore.  Didn’t *want* to hide it.

 

He *wanted* Eugene Bradford to know how much he despised him for what he had done to Marlena.  And more than that even, he wanted Marlena to know how much he hurt, how much what she had done was tearing him apart.  A grunt of disgust that originated somewhere inside John’s soul bubbling up through his constricted throat and sounding before he knew that he had made it.

 

Startled, Q turned quickly to find John scowling at him, and his stomach sank, even as his face flamed scarlet in the darkness.  What the hell was John doing down here in the middle of the night? 

 

Whatever the reason, the way he was glowering gave Q the horrible feeling that somehow John knew about the dreams.  Knew that he couldn’t stop lusting after Marlena.  Couldn’t stop dreaming about making love to her.  Couldn’t stop……

 

“John!” Marlena appeared behind John and caught hold of his arm breathlessly.  “Please, *please*, we have to talk.”  The distress in her voice was unmistakable.  And everything from her disheveled hair to the despair in her eyes echoed that fact.   But to John the agony on Eugene’s face was even more evident as his eyes moved guiltily to Marlena.

 

Eugene felt for a moment as though his heart had stopped beating.  As though time had simply spun into hyper meltdown, dissolving in sludge around them, even as he stood staring, with his mouth hanging open.

 

She’s wearing the robe!  His heart pounded out a staccato rhythm like a hyperactive machine gun.  If it wasn’t the robe she had been wearing in his dream earlier, then it was damn near a perfect replica.

 

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed tightly willing her to go away.  Willing it all to go away.  Maybe this was just a continuation of his nightmare, and he would wake up in a moment, safe in his own bed.  But really, he knew that wasn’t about to happen.  The throbbing pain in his temples gave that away if nothing else.

 

What the *hell* was he thinking about a *replica*?  It was a *dream* dammit.  A dream.  But a dream so real it left him sweating and desperate for more.  A dream so real that he could still feel her lips burning against his skin.  A dream so real that a silk scarf had materialized beside his bed…..

 

His world was spinning as he opened his eyes.  She was still there but she was so engaged in beseeching John to talk to her that she seemed to have barely noticed his presence.  Which was about the only blessing he could hope for at the moment since he was somewhere between bursting into an inferno of mortification and shame, and passing out cold, as his head spun ever faster.

 

Gotta get….out….gotta….get…out…go.. tta…get….

 

He couldn’t stay here a moment longer.  If he did he knew that she would notice him and she would know…  And he couldn’t bear that.  Things were bad enough as it was.  He had to get out of here now. 

 

Taking as deep a breath as he could, he called on all the reserves he had and blindly headed for the kitchen door, brushing roughly past Marlena as he did.

 

To John, it was as though he was watching a movie that was playing in slow-motion and he watched Marlena turn, half-stunned that Eugene had actually been there and shaken that he had passed by her so brusquely without a word.  She looked at his receding back and then turned to John again.  Tears filled her eyes as she found the accusing look that she had been dreading.  Flicking her eyes rapidly to where Gene had now vanished, she looked back to John, the tears sliding down her cheeks a testament to her utter frustration and agony.

 

“I can’t take this!”  Her fists curled into tight balls as she faced John, the turmoil she was experiencing plain to see.  “I can’t deal with this anymore.  From either of you,” she choked back a sob, feeling as if her heart was breaking as he stood there, stonily silent.  “It’s tearing me apart and nobody will tell me what the *hell* is going on.”

 

“I can’t quite believe you even have to *ask* Marlena.”  He hadn’t intended to turn on her like that and it was like listening to a stranger as the words tumbled viciously from his lips.  Thoughts whirled through the maelstrom that had invaded his mind.  His anger at her ‘naïveté’, his hatred for Eugene and everything he stood for, and overlaying everything, the knowledge that this was the last thing he should be doing. 

 

Mere hours ago, he had been with Mike Horton in this kitchen.  Listening to the Doctor tell him that he needed to keep his problems with Eugene away from Marlena.  She didn’t need this tension; she didn’t need to fight with him.  It couldn’t do anything but make things worse.  He knew that almost too well.  But somehow the devil that whispered to him incessantly had hold of his temper and seemed to be inflaming it with every second that went by.  The memory of Q’s eyes as he saw Marlena.  The sight of her in a state of half-undress.  The memories that still haunted him, the wildness in her eyes, and the desire in her voice.  It was too much, and he couldn’t stop, no matter how hard he tried to hold back the words that spilled forth.

 

His indigo eyes appraised her coldly as he uttered the words he had been holding in so long.  Words that could destroy so much.   “I mean you walk in here in that flimsy robe and your ex-lover turns crimson and looks as though he wishes the ground would swallow him up.  I would have thought it was pretty obvious what was going on.”

 

“What?” Marlena’s face paled as she tried to make sense of his angry words.  Her mind still numbed and struggling with the repercussions of her nightmare didn’t seem to want to grasp his evident implications.  Alarm bells were ringing, but somehow, she just couldn’t seem to connect the dots.  Maybe she just didn’t want to.  Because the look on his face brought back Sami’s words from the other day, words with consequences which could play out devastatingly.

 

Doesn’t John even have a *small* problem with that?  Sami’s voice echoed in her ears and the baby wakened fretfully within her as John stared at her defiantly.  She laid a hand on her stomach as a brief thrill of fear trembled over her chilled skin.  She was frightened, frightened for her baby and for John.  And most of all, for her family.  Because whatever happened between them tonight, it was becoming more and more apparent, the trigger of John’s Jekyll and Hyde temper was Eugene.

 

“Oh, come on *Marlena*.”  John, oblivious to the connections Marlena was making in her mind, crossed the floor to where Eugene had been standing, hurling her name at her, almost like an insult.  “Do you wander around in see-through negligees all the time?  No wonder the poor bastard can’t get over you if that’s the case.”

 

“John that’s not *fair*!”  The moisture on Marlena’s cheeks glistened a ghostly green from the reflected neon of the microwave.  “It’s the middle of the night and I was coming after *you*.  I didn’t know he was down here.”

“But he *was* here.  And that’s the problem isn’t it?” John said angrily, unable to help himself, even though this was exactly what he had been dreading.  “He’s always f*cking well *here*.  Always so *willing* to ‘help out’.”

 

“He’s my *friend* John,” Marlena fought back defensively.  She didn’t understand this bitter rage that was coming from John, but she wasn’t about to take it either.

 

“No Marlena, he’s your ex-*lover* now.  There’s quite a difference.”  John could hear the cruel tone of his words but somehow, he couldn’t help himself.  Not when she seemed so blind to what was going on.

 

“John why are you doing this?” she fought the tears, but they were overwhelming and they slipped ceaselessly from her lashes and carved shimmering tracks down her ashen cheeks.

 

“Because you can’t keep on going on like this.  *We* can’t keep on going on like this.  I see the way he looks at you.  And you don’t seem to understand that you can’t be friends with him anymore because every time he *touches* you he imagines what it would be like to undress you.”  The muscle in John’s cheek twitched violently as he crossed his arms in front of him.

 

“That’s not true,” she cried desperately.  “John-”

 

“Marlena don’t delude yourself.  Of course it’s *true*.”  His face was hard as he spoke heatedly.  His heart pounded in his chest and the words were saturated with the ache in his soul.  “You think I don’t know what it’s like to *want* you and be so *close* that I can touch you and smell your hair and your scent but that’s it?  You think I don’t remember how your touch burns itself into a man’s memory so that he wakes up in the middle of the night sweating and desperate?”  His eyes burned icily as the ache inside him froze into painful memory.  “Don’t kid yourself Marlena.  I’ve dreamt about you too many nights not to know that look.”

 

“I….. I,” she shook her head, lost for words as each word slipped through her defenses like needle sharp blades.  She had expected a fight, but not this.  Not this utter fury and *blame*.  It was almost as if he blamed *her* for what he thought Eugene was going through.  “Do you think I’m leading him on?” she whispered in shock.

 

“I think you’re being naïve,” John answered frostily, unable to let himself react to her pain and confusion.  The anger was too strong, too consuming to let it go now.  He had to see this through.  “I think you’re trying to deceive yourself, thinking that everything can go back to how it was before.”

 

“I don’t want to lose his friendship,” she said breathlessly.  “I wouldn’t risk that by ignoring his feelings.  I wouldn’t John.”

 

“You already *have* Marlena,” John shook his head in amazement, wondering how she could be so naïve.  “You *slept* with the guy.  You risked *everything* then.  Maybe you should have thought about those repercussions before you went ahead and scr*wed him because you sure as hell didn’t think about anything else.”

 

Marlena blanched and took a step backwards as John’s words hit her almost like a physical blow.  Breath was scarce for a moment as her head swam; his words roaring like breaking surf in her ears.  She couldn’t believe she was hearing this.  Couldn’t believe that these words were coming from John’s mouth. 

 

And then it hit her.

 

This wasn’t about Eugene and what he was going through.  This was about John and his jealousy, his anger at her for what he felt she had done.

 

“Oh, I see,” she voiced the realization virtually as she was having it, the anger almost instantaneous.  “That’s really what this is about is it?  About the fact that you still can’t stand the fact that I turned to someone else.”

 

“You’re *damn* right it is,” the words edged dangerously through clenched teeth.  “You act as if nothing is wrong, as if nothing happened, and you expect me to do the same.”  He shook his head, his cheeks burning hot with anger and shame.  “I’m sorry Marlena, it’s not that easy for me.  I can’t just pretend that everything’s fine.  I can’t pretend away the fact that you slept with him.  I really thought I could, but I can’t.”

 

“I can’t believe I’m even hearing this,” Marlena’s defenses had risen, and her own temper was running dangerously high.  Her fists curled instinctively, closing on themselves, icy fingers digging into the palms of her hands.  The anger that swept through her was almost enough to keep the pain engendered by John’s words at bay.  Almost. 

 

“I thought we’d been through this.  I thought you’d gone back to Kristen.  I thought it was over.  For all time.  What did you expect me to do, pine away for you in my rocking chair?”

 

“I expected you to *know* me better than that, that’s what I expected,” he shot back angrily.

 

“Know *what*?” she uncurled the fingers of one hand quite consciously and placed it on the counter to steady herself, fighting the dizzy rush of tiredness and overwrought, hormonal nerves.  She knew that she shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t putting herself under this kind of stress and it frightened her to think what it could be doing to the baby.  Following this afternoon, terror was becoming an all too familiar theme in her nightmares and in her waking turmoil. 

 

But how could she walk away?  There was no way out of this but to fight through.  To make him understand.  To understand herself.  She only hoped she was strong enough to fight the terror.

 

“Know what John?” she took a deep breath and fixed him with stormy hazel eyes.  “Know that time and time again I had wished we could be together, had tried to tell you how I felt, only to have you tell me how happy you were with Kristen?  Know that I had walked in on you having sex with her one too many times to be able to deal with it anymore?”  Tears filled her eyes again and she wiped them furiously away with shaking fingers.  “Know that I *thought* it was *her* child you were talking to?  What the *hell* was I supposed to know John?  History hasn’t exactly been kind to us, has it?”

 

“You *knew* how I felt about you,” he said in a low, pained voice.  His head ached and he would have given anything to be anywhere but here right now.   But he wasn’t and still the words were coming.  It was almost as if he was listening to a stranger with his own voice as he continued.  “And *I* knew how you felt about me.  Even through all the bullsh*t with Kristen and you throwing me out.  Once you had told me how you felt, I never once doubted that.”  The intensity in his voice washed over Marlena and left her breathless.  She could feel his pain and it tore at her as his baby moved restlessly inside her, punctuating his point with rigid limbs.  “I never once let go of it.  What I don’t understand is how you thought I could just abandon the love we had for *Kristen* of all people.”

 

“After you rescued me from Stefano in Aremid,” her voice was throaty with emotion as she tried to quell the pain, “I thought then that you knew how I felt.  I’d risked *everything* to save you.  I’d danced with the devil to free you and I’d come so close to paying the ultimate price.  But you *saved* me.”  Her curled fist thumped against her chest as the tears trembled precipitously on her lashes.  “And when I woke up, I thought I was in heaven with you there beside me.”  Her vision swam as the anguish of the memory enveloped her.  The memory of joy followed by heartbreak.  Her chest hurt and she could hardly breath for a moment.

 

“And I thought then that you would…..” she shook her head, moisture blurring her sight again.  She didn’t want him to see her cry.  Didn’t want him to see how the memory still held the power to break her as she felt those sensations again. “But no.  Even though she had doubted you, thought you capable of murder, you went back to *her*.”  Despite her best efforts, her voice cracked slightly as she related the memory and to John, all he could see was a woman on the verge of weeping.  And he felt like a complete jerk.  “You barely even looked at me.”  He voice broke and she turned away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he had hurt her but realizing that it was probably far too late for that.

 

“That was *different* Doc,” John stared at her dully, an emptiness inside him where her words had hit home.

 

“How?  How was it different?” her head swung back around, and she glared at him.  “Tell me that will you because I don’t understand.”

 

“Oh, come on Marlena,” John struck the counter with his fist, making the cutlery jump.  His frustration was unchecked, and it seemed as if all this was doing, was making it worse.  “I was telling you every day how much I loved you.  I was writing you poems, sending you gifts.  For G*d’s sake, I even brought you a *plane*.”  His brows knitted as he stared at her angrily.  “And you couldn’t even wait to ask me what was going on?  Instead, you ran straight home and into the arms of Eugene Bradford, who was so *conveniently* waiting for you.”

 

“That wasn’t how it happened,” Marlena’s voice trembled, and she pulled the flimsy robe around her as though it would stop the shivering, which emanated from inside her being.

 

“Well, that’s damn well how it looked when I walked in on you f*cking him in that bed upstairs.”  The words were out of John’s mouth before he could catch them and his face reddened.

 

“Oh I *see*,” Marlena’s anger was re-ignited and she lifted a bent finger to point at him, her other arm tucked tightly across her front.  “So it’s okay for you to make sweeping assumptions based on what you see, but not for me.  Is that it?”

 

“No, that’s not it,” John’s jaw was set in a firm line.

 

“Well, for your information, he didn’t seduce me,” Marlena said cruelly, lashing out in response to her own pain.  “It was the other way round.  He was trying to help me, but I decided I wanted more than just his sympathy.” Her eyes flashed dangerously in the near-dark.  “I was heartbroken, I thought my world had ended.  I’d just about had a head-on collision on the way home.  I was so miserable I spent four hours sobbing my heart out alone in my room.  Gene was only trying to help but I was so hurt and so angry and betrayed that all I wanted to do was forget you had ever existed.  And I thought maybe he could help me do that.”  She ran her fingers through her hair, her actions betraying her anger and pain almost as well as her words.  “And *no* John, I didn’t think about the consequences.  For me there *was* no tomorrow.” 

 

Again, her body sought to betray her as the tears that lingered around her lashes suddenly swelled and dripped onto her reddened cheeks.  For all the happiness she felt being with John now, she couldn’t help but remember that moment of total desolation where she hadn’t cared whether she lived or died.  When even Belle hadn’t been enough to soothe the agony that she suffered or ease the torment of the one who is damned to live alone for eternity.  And her body remembered those emotions and replayed its part in the drama as the misery of loss swept through her, flowing as tears from her eyes and broken sobs from her lips.

 

It was a moment before she could regain enough composure to continue.  “I felt as though my life had ended.  He gave the chance to live *back* to me.  And if you can’t understand that or you can’t forgive me for making a mistake, however bad it was, then maybe we should rethink this whole thing.”

 

“Well maybe we just should,” John’s arms tightened over his chest, his face impassive in response to Marlena’s distress.  She couldn’t just shed a few tears and think that made everything all right.  Because it didn’t change anything. 

 

“I thought our love was stronger than that.  Maybe it was foolish of me to think that confessing our feelings to each other should make a difference.  Maybe I was an idiot to think that telling you how desperately I loved you every single way I knew how would be enough to convince you that I was really sincere.”  John’s indigo eyes moistened in the darkened room, but Marlena caught it and she wiped her own face surreptitiously in response.  “I thought that you would listen to me.  I thought that you would see how sorry I was and that I regretted every single minute what I had done to you.  I thought that would at least warrant you questioning what you saw.  But instead, you threw yourself at *him*.  You treated what we had as though it meant nothing and dived headlong into an affair with him.  *That’s* what I don’t understand Marlena.”

 

“And I don’t understand why I have to explain this over and over again,” Marlena shook her head wearily and turned away from him, running her hands over her stomach.  Maybe it was all the stress, but the baby was making is presence felt a lot more than she felt comfortable with.  It was doing calisthenics, just to make the situation just that little more tortuous and it heightened her fear just another fraction.

 

“Maybe because I can’t stop seeing him with you every time I close my eyes.”  John said quietly drawing her attention back from the gymnastics that were going on inside her.  “I can’t stop seeing you making love to him.  I can’t stop hearing you tell him that you love him.  And it makes me wonder exactly what is so special about what we have if you were so quick to fall in love with him.”

”It wasn’t like that,” Marlena turned back to him, her face full of anguish, the baby all but forgotten in the emotions that floated between them.  “I didn’t love him the way I love you.”

 

“Then why did you do it?” John uttered the heartfelt question with pain swimming in his eyes.

 

“Why did you go back to Kristen all those times?” Marlena asked as her heart ached hollowly in her chest.  “I thought I had nothing left to lose.  I made a *mistake*.  I was angry and I was hurting, and I needed someone to tell me that they loved me.  And you weren’t there to do it.  He was.”  She shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks and the words plunged out over strangled sobs.  “Part of me wished you were dead.  Part of me wanted you to hurt as badly as I was hurting.  Maybe part of me was looking for some kind of revenge.  I’m not proud of that, but I acted on my emotions and I didn‘t listen to my head.  I’m not perfect John, I’m a human being.  And I’m sorry if you’re looking for some kind of perfect living doll, because I just can’t be that for you.”

 

“Well, you did hurt me, so if that was what you were after, you’ll be glad to know you succeeded,” John replied bitingly as he backed up against the bench.  Even though she had admitted that she’d made a mistake, somehow, she still didn’t seem that sorry about it.  She still assaulted him with *reasons* as to why she had done it, instead of acknowledging the simple fact that what she had done was *wrong*. 

 

He knew she had been hurting.  He knew her well enough to know that she never would have done it otherwise.  But she had reviled him for turning to Kristen.  Rightly enough.  He had made assumptions.  He had not persevered to find out the truth.  He had accepted second best.  And then she had done exactly the same thing and that simple fact would not be ignored.  Even despite every other instinct in his body which screamed to him to take her in her arms and dry her tears with sweet platitudes.  “I don’t want you to be perfect Marlena.  I would never ask that of you.”

 

“Well then why is it okay for you to go crawling to Kristen but I’m not allowed the mistake of turning to Eugene?” she asked furiously, unaware of his internal dilemma.  All she could see was a man who was being coldly judgmental, a man who had vowed to love her and protect her.  A man who was now tearing her apart because his own internal sense of fair play was ever so slightly wounded.

 

“Because it’s *wrong* Marlena,” John slammed the countertop with the heel of his palm making the spoons jump again.  Angrily he turned around and swiped at the stainless-steel implements, sending them flying into the sink in a loud clatter.  Marlena gasped and took a step backwards, trying to gather her wits as John continued.  “You told me how wrong it was to do what I did but then you went and did it yourself.  You threw me out of your life for making that mistake remember?”

 

“How could I forget?” she shot back with searing bitterness as he turned back to her.  “I had to watch you with her every day.  I would walk around a corner and there she was, all over you like cheap cologne.  I went down to the wine cellar and found you ‘making love’ to her and I just wanted to *die* it hurt so much.”  She could still feel the barren ache that had made its home inside her during those long months and her indignation flared.  “It made me sick to my stomach, but I thought it was what you *wanted*.  But then I found your letter and it turned out she was just a substitute.  You were just too much of a coward to tell me the truth about how you felt.  Maybe if you’d bothered to try communicating with me in the first place, none of this would have happened anyway.”

 

“What?”  John shook his head, his fingers clutching the edge of the bench tightly.  He couldn’t believe that once again this was all his fault.  That he was shouldering the blame for her mistakes.

“The baby, John.  How could you expect me not to misinterpret what I saw and heard?  You talk about me trusting you?  How about if you’d trusted me enough to tell me the truth to begin with, I wouldn’t have had my heart broken again.”

 

“Haven’t we already been through this?” John snapped irritably.

 

“I thought we had yes,” Marlena nodded coolly as she stared at him.  The impasse seemed to go on for long seconds as John tried to quell the churning of his stomach.  Finally, he swallowed through a taut throat.

 

“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” he growled.  It really wasn’t and if it continued on in this vein, one of them was going to say something they regretted very soon.  And as angry as he was, he couldn‘t bear the thought of destroying this irrevocably.  Every instinct told him to get out and he didn’t waste much time listening to them as he pushed past her and left the room to head upstairs.  Marlena glared at his retreating form. 

 

“Oh, that’s right, run away when things get too difficult.  You’re good at that aren’t you?”

 

He said nothing, just kept on going until he was out of sight and Marlena was left alone with the words that hung in the air.  Angry, hot tears felt as though they were scalding her cheeks as they issued forth.  She made a choking sob and turned around, putting her hands on the counter to steady her shaking body.  She couldn’t believe this.  Couldn’t believe that he was blaming her for something that had been so out of her control.  She felt as though her heart was being crushed inside her body as she tried to catch her breath through the falling tears.  Why did you do it?   Because I couldn’t see any other way.  Because I thought I was doing the right thing…… Because I didn’t know the truth….  She gasped almost unconsciously, as a fresh pain came flooding in to augment the old. 

 

She had trusted Eugene; she had expected him to be honest with her.  But he had known that Kristen was carrying her baby and he had chosen not to tell her.  Even as he had been making love to her, he had known.  And he had made a conscious decision to keep that information from her.  Information that would have changed everything. 

 

It was a fact that she had chosen to ignore before, a realization that she had chosen to overlook as she tried to put her life back together.  But she couldn’t ignore it any longer.  He had lied to her by omission, knowing that the truth would have a profound impact on her life.  And he had gained by that lie; he had gained her shattered trust and broken heart for himself.

 

“Marlena?” She froze as his voice sounded beside her and she surreptitiously wiped her face before she looked up at him.  Seeing nothing but remoteness in his eyes, she straightened her back.

 

“Eugene?”

 

 

He had been in his room sitting on his bed, reddened eyes buried in frigid hands when John had stomped past.  He had heard the shouting downstairs and each fresh barrage had sent a storm of emotions whirling through him.  Guilt, anger and pain for what his selfishness was putting Marlena through.  But most of all, he just had this incredibly strong urge to leave the penthouse, escape this torture before it destroyed them all.

 

And so, he had found himself descending quietly to the kitchen in order to tell Marlena he was leaving.  He didn’t even know what had possessed him to do it.  He could have just left it till the morning.  For that matter, he could have just left, a note on the table could probably explain far better than he could in this pitifully emotional state. 

 

But somehow, he just had to see her, make sure that she was all right.  And the sight of her, standing alone, lost and frightened was almost enough to break his resolve.  If he could just take her in his arms, press his lips to her golden hair…. Tell her that it would be all right, that he loved her and would always cherish her and take care of her….

 

But that was a fool’s wish.  Patently unattainable and only designed to torment him just a little more.  The thought steeled him as she turned to him and he found himself retreating emotionally, hanging onto the reality that she didn’t want him, that she had never *really* wanted him.  And what was best for all of them was that he leave, before he made an utter fool of himself.

 

“I…” It came out as a croak and he cleared his throat in embarrassment before he tried again.  “I want you to know that I’m moving out tomorrow.”

 

“What?”  She physically took a step backwards, stunned by the unexpected news.

 

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head, the words emphasized by the darkness of his eyes.  “From the looks of things between you and John, this just isn’t working out for any of us.  I think it would be better if I were to leave now.  While…” He finished lamely, unable to utter the words that were no longer true.

 

“While what?” Marlena knew she was no longer thinking rationally and that words were coming out of her mouth before she had even thought them through, but she was too hurt and stunned to be able to stop herself.  “Are you trying to say while we’re still friends?  If you could call it that.”  She gave a short, indignant laugh.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have already Marlena,” he told her in a trembling voice.  “I don’t want to think that I’ve totally destroyed our friendship.”

 

“Well, I don’t even know what to think anymore,” she cursed her weakness as the tears threatened to fall again and the baby renewed its stretching inside of her as though it were trying to send her an urgent message.  “I don’t know what’s up and what’s down.  You won’t even talk to me; John seems to think I’m some scarlet woman who is flaunting myself in front of you.”  She looked up at his eyes, the emotion lumping painfully in her throat.  “Is that what you think too?”

 

“I….” He swallowed, his painfully dry throat rasping against itself.  “I don’t think you know the effect you can have…”

 

“Oh so it’s *my* fault again is it?” she turned on him angrily, her face devoid of color, her eyes golden and angry, like those of a lioness.  “Like it was my fault that you didn’t tell me the truth about Kristen’s baby?  Like it was my fault that I thought John was betraying me because no one had bothered to fill me in on a rather important and pertinent fact?”

 

“I didn’t know what you had heard Marlena, I thought you had talked to him.” Q said defensively.  “I didn’t realize….”

 

“And you didn’t try very hard to find out either did you, Gene?”

 

“And you didn’t exactly make it easy Marlena.”  It was torture, being so close to her and he felt breathless for a moment.  It seemed that matching her anger was the only way he was going to make it through this ordeal right now. 

 

“Oh that’s right,” she leaned her head on one side, sarcasm heavy in her voice.  “I forgot.  Everything is *always* my fault.  You’ll have to forgive me.”

 

“Well let’s face it,” his lips were pinched as he recalled that fateful evening.  “If you remember, I did *ask* you several times what was going on.  But you didn’t want to talk about it.  You were more intent on getting what you wanted out of me.”

 

“Oh please, like that wasn’t *exactly* what you wanted!”  She was furious now and she wondered vaguely how high her blood pressure could actually go before something drastic happened.

 

“Too bad if I didn’t really, wasn’t it?” Q retorted, his ire increased by the fact that she used the truth so well, it was hard to argue with her.  “What was I going to do Marlena?  Tell you Kristen was carrying your baby while you were on your knees in front of me?”

 

“Well, *there’s* a thought,” she rejoined in mock surprise.  “Maybe that would have been the ideal time.  When did you think you might tell me?  Were you just going to casually drop it into the conversation *while* we were having sex some time?  Or did you just plan on spiriting me off to a life of immortality and not bothering to tell me at *all*?”

 

“Marlena, I didn’t ask you to sleep with me,” Q had always been a little frightened of Marlena when she was angry, and this was no exception.  But this time he was angry too and he’d had just about enough of this.  “So, you know, if you want someone to blame, sure, go ahead and blame me.  But I *didn’t* seduce you.  *You* decided what you wanted, and you knew I couldn’t resist you.  I mean, what was I to you?  Convenient?  Useful?  Or was I simply just *there*?”   He was shaking as the words escaped his lips, words he had suppressed for so long that he was taken by surprise himself.  “I fell in love with you Marlena.  Four hundred years ago and I never stopped loving you, I don’t think I ever will.  Do you really think I would have not told you the truth if I had known what had happened?  Do you think I would have let myself in for this much pain on *purpose*?”

 

“Oh, don’t lay that on me,” she snapped at him, her anger drowning out the guilt she felt as his words hit home.  “You knew the risks, I told you very clearly.  I never *promised* you anything.  I told you I couldn’t do that.”

 

“More fool me then,” he shrugged.  “Because I thought when you told me you loved me, that you actually meant it.  Because I sure as hell wanted to believe you.”

 

Marlena said nothing, but glared at him, her expression a mingling of shame and fury.

 

“But you are right of course,” he continued, his brown eyes dull in the light that shone from the living room.  “There were no promises.  There wasn’t really much consideration of anything, let alone consequences.  I was caught by surprise and once I’d gotten involved with you…” he sighed, “there just never seemed like a good time.  But I did *not* lie to you in order to get you into bed.  So, if that’s what you’re implying…”

”I’m not implying *anything*,” she glowered at him with her arms crossed in front of her.  The veracity of his words and the pain that filtered through them had knocked the edges off her anger and she was having a hard time remembering what she needed to say.  Her robe shimmered as she moved and he had to avoid looking at her in order to concentrate on what she was saying.  Exhaling deeply, she turned around, gathering her thoughts, her jaw setting into a determined line.  Then she turned back to him, her expression unforgiving.  “I’m *saying* that if I had known the truth none of this nightmare ever would have happened.  And whatever the reasons, you’re responsible for that.”

 

“Marlena you’re not being fair,” he said desperately trying to ignore the fact that her anger, along with her filmy robe were doing a very good job of arousing him once again.  Of all the times he had wanted her, this was possibly the most awkward and he hoped desperately that she wouldn’t notice anything.

 

“Oh, that too.  It’s always my fault and I’m never fair.  Must remember that one.”  She tightened her folded arms over the top of her rounded stomach, her anger returning as she heard his wretched exclamation.  “But why don’t I tell you what’s not *fair*.”  She spat the last word out through bloodless lips.  “*I* didn’t know the truth and *you* did.  Didn’t you at least consider that it *might* possibly be important that I know?  You knew how I felt about John.  You *knew* I was supposed to be with him according to your precious Continuum.  So, was *that* fair?”

 

“No,” Gene shook his head guiltily, avoiding her eyes as he finally relented.  He wasn’t going to win this and really, he knew she was right.  He had always known and her blame of him was fairly much justified.  He took a deep breath and resolved to tell her the truth.  That he knew he had been wrong, and he couldn’t be angry at her any more.  Not when it was his fault. 

 

“I know it wasn’t fair and I am *so* sorry Marlena.  I’m sorry, I was weak, and I let my love for you blind me to everything else.  You were hurting so badly, and I couldn’t bear to see you in that much pain.  And it all happened so fast…..”  He shook his head miserably as the words stumbled from his lips in a fraught stream.  “You’re right.  It wasn’t fair and I have to suffer the repercussions of that for the rest of eternity.  And I will never ever forgive myself for taking advantage of you and destroying our friendship.  I made a miserable, selfish mistake and I can’t undo it.  And I’m…. I’m just sorry…”

 

His words faded into the silent gulf between them as Marlena replayed them in her head.  She wanted to stay angry at him.  She wanted to be able to blame someone for the pain she was feeling.  And he was there, and he was convenient.  Without his omission, she and John would not have lost all that time together.  But then, without his meddling, would they even have found each other again at all?

 

She started at him and took in a deep breath; letting it out in a long, slow exhalation as she let the thoughts play through her mind.  The baby kicked again, and she rubbed a soothing hand over the tender spot.  What it really came down to was if she couldn’t forgive Eugene then how could she expect John to forgive her?

 

“Oh, Gene,” her shoulders slumped as though she was suddenly deflated by his words.  No, he hadn’t been fair, but then neither had she.  He was right, she had made it difficult for him, she had refused to tell him what had happened with John, and she had made it impossible for him to refuse her advances.  She couldn’t let him take all the blame for what had happened.  If she had made a mistake, how could she not forgive him for making one?  “I’m sorry too.  I just wish we could go back to how we were before.”

 

“So do I,” Q’s bronze eyes darkened.  “But I just don’t think it’s possible.  At least while we’re living in the same apartment.”

 

“I don’t want to think that,” Marlena shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.  Now that the anger had subsided, she was left with a lingering emptiness as she considered a life without Eugene as a friend.

 

“Marlena, you don’t understand,” his voice was a little harsher than he had intended, and he cringed internally as he saw the wince cross her face.  “Things might have changed for you, but they haven’t for me.”  The sincerity was clear in his voice as his eyes narrowed.  “I still want you.  You touch me during the day, and I feel like I’ve had a thousand volts run through me.  And I can’t sleep at night because I’m *dreaming* about you every time I close my eyes.”

 

“Gene I…..” she shook her head softly, not knowing what to say.

 

“I dream that you come to me and make love to me, and I wake up and sometimes they seem so real I wonder if they actually happened.”  His voice was husky, a mixture of anguish and desire and Marlena couldn’t say anything as she stood in front of him, transfixed by embarrassment and guilt.  “I know that you need a friend right now, but I just can’t be that person for you.”  The words were tearing him apart and he couldn’t bring himself to look at her, lest he see the emotions in her beautiful eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, Gene,” she whispered, aching with every one of his words.  Knowing that it was her fault that he had suffered this pain.  That she had selfishly used him to ease her own pain, knowing how he felt about her.  And now he was paying for her mistake.  “I’m so sorry.”

 

“So am I,” he shook his head, hating himself for causing her more anguish, but knowing he had no other choice.  “I wish there was another way, but I really think there’s no other option.  I’ll leave in the morning.”

 

“Where will you go?” she asked quietly.

 

“Oh I don’t know,” he shrugged, “I’m sure something will turn up.”

 

“I’m quite sure it will.” They both jumped as John’s voice sounded frigidly in the doorway.  “You are *omnipotent* after all.”  The muscle in his jaw twitched as he stood immobile, regarding Marlena and Q with emotionless eyes.  “Well now that that’s all sorted out, you could go upstairs and start packing while I speak with Marlena,”

 

“John -” Marlena’s heart pounded violently as she wondered how long he had been standing there.

 

“It’s all right,” Q’s voice was equally as sharp as John’s, “I was just going anyway.”

 

“That was so touching,” John said derisively as he watched Q go.  “So nice that you are so ready to say sorry to *him*.”

“Oh, for G*d’s sake, what the hell do you want from me John?” Marlena was beyond frustrated with this whole situation and John could hear it in her voice as she turned from him, throwing her hands up in the air before bringing them down with a loud thud on the countertop.  Suddenly, he felt guilty and angry with himself for taking this so far.  

 

“I just want you to understand how hurt I was Doc,” he said, almost inaudibly.  “I want you to understand that even though I know in my head you made a mistake, my heart still has trouble with it.”

 

“I’ve said I’m sorry John, I know it was a mistake.”  She turned around slowly, her misery written all over her face.  “I’m sorry I ever made it, but I did, and I can’t undo it.  I don’t know what more I can do to make you understand.”  Tears filled her eyes again and she sagged against the cupboards at her back.

 

“I *do* understand Doc,” he said quietly, his voice smothered in his throat.  “Maybe more than you’ll ever know.  But that doesn’t change the fact that I can still see you making love to him.  I can still hear your voice when you tell him you love him… the way you sounded when you called out his name in bed.  And yes, that was my fault for walking in when I shouldn’t have but Marlena, I can’t take that back either.  Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if he made you happier than I do.”  He turned away from her, rubbing at itching eyes. He stared at his fingers as he pulled them away and realized with an abstract thought, that he was actually crying.

 

Maybe this was punishment for all the wrongs in his life, maybe this was just something he should endure, but the lancing pain in his heart and the tears that haunted his eyes just wouldn’t leave him in peace.  And he couldn’t ignore the way he felt any longer. 

 

“Maybe it’s petty and stupid, but I can’t help hating him for having you when I couldn’t.  And I can’t help feeling angry and betrayed because you didn’t have any faith in me and what I had told you.  And maybe I deserved that after everything I did, and maybe I’m just being a selfish asshole, but I can’t help it.”  His shoulders were so tense he could just about feel them coiling up into hard knots.  “I can’t help but listen to you when we make love and comparing the way you sound to what I heard that night.  And the fact that he is coming between us is tearing me apart.”

 

“He’s only coming between us because you’re putting him there, John,” Marlena argued, trying to defend herself against the words which were too painful to absorb.  She knew him so well and she could see the tension playing across his back and it sliced through her like a knife.  The fear she was feeling now was much too close to what she had felt in her dream, and she crossed her arms in front of herself again to stop from shaking so obviously.

 

“No, he’s coming between us because you’re refusing to acknowledge the fact that it *happened* at all.”  He turned back to her, ignoring the fact that he was openly crying now.  “You talk about wishing you were dead.  Marlena, *I* wished I was dead.  I just about walked in front of a bus when I was in New York because I couldn’t take the idea of never having you in my life again.  It was just so painful I *wanted* everything to just *end*.”  His eyes were rimmed with red as he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to massage away the headache that had settled just under his scalp. 

 

“Marlena, I thought our love was something beyond special.  And I know it sounds stupid, but I guess I thought you were better than me.  That you wouldn’t make the same stupid mistakes that I did.  And maybe that’s unfair, but Doc, that’s just how I feel.”  He shook his head, his cerulean eyes fixing her with their soul-deep representation of his torment.  “I feel that somehow it made what we had that little bit less special to know you could replace me with another man so easily.”

 

“Oh John.”  Now that he’d let the façade of anger drop, she could see the genuine pain that he was harboring.  And with that truth, suddenly things were a lot different.  “I couldn’t replace you.  I would never even *try*.”

 

“But you did, didn’t you?”  He was shaking and his voice was weak with misery.  “You took him to your bed, and he was good to you and he loved you.  I don’t know how to *compete* with that.  I don’t have anything to offer you.  Not like he does.”

 

“Oh no,” she shook her head, her eyes glistening.  “John that’s not *true*.  You have yourself.  And that’s all I ever wanted.  It’s all I ever *will* want.”  She ached to take him in her arms and soothe away his pain, but she didn’t know whether he would accept her touch at the moment.  So, her brows furrowed as she watched him struggle with his inner suffering.  “I’m so sorry I hurt you,” she whispered gently.  “I didn’t realize….”

 

“I don’t want to feel like this Marlena,” he looked up at her and his anguish hit her like a tangible force.  “I don’t want to make you feel guilty, I don’t want to be jealous and angry.  I just can’t help it.”  His chin trembled and his voice was so low, it was almost guttural.  “I have nightmares about you being with him.   About seeing you with him.  About you realizing you’ve made a mistake and wanting to go back to him.”

 

“Oh John,” she shook her head, a tear trickling from her lash as the grief swelled inside of her.  “Why didn’t you tell me all this before we got to this point?”

 

“I didn’t know how to Doc,” he admitted guiltily.  “You weren’t supposed to be under any stress, and it felt so stupid and petty.  You had forgiven me for Kristen, and I knew I should be able to get past it.  But I just couldn’t, it hurt too much…..”

 

She took a deep breath as the realization of just what he had suffered hit her.  She hadn’t wanted to think how it had affected him, she had been so busy reveling in her own anger and resentment.  Maybe he had deserved it, but he was right, that didn’t make what she had done any more right, or any more acceptable.  What each of them gave to each other was trust and honesty and a powerful and complete love.  But that had been weakened, stretched to breaking point by the selfish actions of both of them.  And now they had to work at mending that breach if they ever wanted to be happy.

 

“I *never* loved him in the way I loved you,” she said powerfully, as she crossed the cool floor to where he stood.  “I was wrong.  I was unfair to myself and to both you *and* Eugene.  I tried to fool myself into thinking it was the best thing.  I think maybe it was a way to bury the pain and to punish you for what I thought you had done.”  Her gaze dropped to the floor and her cheeks colored as she thought about it again.  “I wish it hadn’t happened.  For all of us, I wish it hadn’t happened.  I hurt you and I hurt Gene and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that.”

 

“Don’t waste too many tears on him will you Doc,” John’s voice had taken on an edge again and she looked up at him beseechingly.  He had a smile on his face as though he had intended it as a joke, but it was wavering as his bitterness nudged through the brittle mask he wore.

 

“Please don’t take this out on Gene, John.  I think he feels bad enough already.”  She sighed wearily.  “None of us made the best decisions, he’s no more to blame for this than I am.”

 

“Maybe not,” John exhaled heavily and leaned against the pantry door that was beside him.  He was tired too.  Tired of the pain and the jealousy and the anger.  He just wanted to forget any of this had ever happened and he wanted to simply love her.  “I don’t know, sometimes I hate him for what he did and sometimes I just pity him because I know what it’s like to want you so desperately and not be able to have you.”

 

“He doesn’t deserve your hate John,” she said gently.  “He’s a good man that made a bad mistake.  And mostly it was my fault that he did that.”

 

“I think you’re being too easy on him Doc,” John said uncomfortably.

 

“I know you don’t like to hear me defending him,” she said quietly, knowing how she would feel if they were having this conversation about Kristen.  It was different because Kristen was evil and had done dreadful things, but all the same….  “I understand that, but I can’t let him take all the blame.  And besides, I think this is really about you and me.”

 

“Yeah,” John said eventually, catching her eyes with his own wounded ones.  “I suppose you’re right.”

 

“So where do we go from here?” she looked down at the floor, dreading his answer.  When the reply didn’t come, she looked up, her golden eyes wary and hurt, seeking his decision.

 

“I don’t know,” he whispered miserably at last.  “Doc, I just don’t know.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 119 – Morning Grace

 

 

“John?”  He felt her fingers touch his arm with the lightest of touches before she pulled them away.  But in that brief moment, he had noticed that she was trembling.  And when he looked up, he found fear misting her beautiful hazel eyes.  “John, we can fix this.  Can’t we?”  Her voice was small and panicky and his heart gave a familiar lurch.

 

“Doc…..” he didn’t know what to say to her.

 

“John, you have to believe me, it’s completely different.  What we have to what I had with Gene.  That was nice but it can’t compare to what we have.”  The words flowed from her lips desperately, almost tripping over themselves in an effort to make him believe her.  “I told him I loved him, and I did, but in a different way.  In a way that a friend loves a friend.  I tried to kid myself that it was something more but John it wasn’t.  It wasn’t like *this*.”  She took his hand in hers and slowly lifted it to where her heart beat just below her heavy breast.  Pressing his fingers against the gauzy material, she looked up at him beseechingly.  “I love you with my heart and my soul.  No one makes me feel the way you do. No one ever could.”  She could feel his fingers relax a little under hers and it gave her a spark of hope. 

 

“Being with you makes me feel like I’m whole.  Like I’m the person I was always supposed to be.  And without you there’s just part of me missing and I can’t live my life like that anymore.”  Looking up at him, her lips moved, imparting the almost silent words, “Please don’t ask me to.”

 

“Did you even think about me when you were with him?” His voice was raw with jagged emotions.  He felt like he was on some kind of roller-coaster even as she spoke, wanting so desperately to believe her and let the resentment slide away into the darkness.  But even at the same time, the questions still gnawed at him, begging for answers that he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.  But he had to know; he had to understand this in his head and in his heart before he could let it go. 

 

Swallowing, Marlena stepped back.

 

“I did my best *not* to,” she said awkwardly, not knowing what he wanted to hear.  But he was being honest, uncovering the very real insecurities and fears that he harbored and she could only offer him the same in return.  “I tried not to and for the most part I was successful.  I didn’t want to hear or know anything about what you were doing.  It was just too painful.  But now and then I just couldn’t help it and I would remember something we had done, or you had said and….” She shook her head, remembering the flash of memory that she had experienced in when she was in New York, on the top of the Empire State Building.  It had been so startling to her at the time, that a seemingly benign act of passion was enough to provoke the most breathtaking of memories.  But it shouldn’t have been so surprising.  If she’d only been honest with herself.  Because, as he had from the time she had first met him, at the most unexpected of moments, John always came back to haunt her. 

 

She should have known then that it was hopeless.

 

“You didn’t even think about me when you were in bed with him?” John asked miserably, anguish once buried deep in his head, finally slicing free.

 

“I *couldn’t* John,” she replied in tears once again.  “It was like there was this hollow place in my heart where you had been.  Like an empty room, and as long as I kept the door closed, I could almost forget how dark and cold it was.  But if I let thoughts of you in, I wouldn’t have been able to fool myself anymore.  So, I just tried not to think of you at all.”  She could see the hurt playing across his face, and she felt wretched.  “John you must know what it’s like.  How could you have slept with Kristen all those months…. all those years, if you were thinking about me all the time?”

 

“I didn’t at first,” he admitted in a hoarse voice, “but as time went on, sometimes I just couldn’t help it.  I’d close my eyes and there you were.”

 

“Did she ever know?” Marlena asked in a small voice.

 

“Once, I called out your name,” John admitted, averting his eyes.  “I think she told you that in Aremid.”

 

“In Aremid,” Marlena repeated, a shudder running through her body.  “That was when she changed, when she began to doubt you…”

 

“And then she found the letter…”

 

John suddenly felt sick.  How much of this was his fault?  How much of Kristen’s increasing insanity could be laid at his door?  Just another thing he had destroyed, like so many others.  Another person sullied and shattered by his weakness and indulgence. 

 

He looked up at the woman standing before him, the woman carrying his beloved child.  The woman he would give his life and soul to protect.  And fear shook him to the core.  What if, through his weakness, he destroyed her too?  He didn’t think he could bear that. 

 

Already tonight he had hurt and betrayed her trust in him by taking his hurt and his selfish anger out on her.  The traces of tears that lingered on her cheeks told that tale well enough.  But what was his choice?  Walk away?  Abandon her and the children to the mercies of Stefano DiMera?  How could he do that?

 

And how could he do that, knowing how much it would tear her apart if he left again?  Especially lacking the strength and conviction to stay away from her.  Because as sure as Stefano would come for her, he knew he couldn’t stay away from her either.  She was like a flame, and though none of them were as innocuous as moths, still he, Stefano and Q could not help but dance on the periphery of her sweet goodness.  Maybe it was the purity, the salvation she offered up with the touch of her gentle lips or maybe it was the way she looked at you that made you feel like you were the luckiest man that ever lived just because you held her in your arms.  He didn’t know.  He only knew he wasn’t strong enough to give it up.

 

But if he couldn’t give her up, then how could Q, a being who was used to getting exactly what he wanted?  Or taking it.

 

“Do you think of *him* when you make love to me?” he asked stiltedly, still frightened that somewhere, deep down she would realize the truth of what he had been thinking.  And if she did, where did that leave him?  Would his own corruption be what drove her away?

 

“No,” she whispered, confused and hurt.  “Why, do you think of *her*?”

 

“No!” he shook his head amazed that such a thing could cross her mind.  “It’s not the same Marlena.  I *loathe* her.  When she touches me it makes my flesh crawl.  *You* are the only thing good in my life.  I’m just…..” his voice faltered and he dropped his head, ashamed of his own weakness.  “I just can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t for the baby….. if you wouldn’t decide that you were better off without me…”

 

“Oh baby, *no*,” she shook her head, honestly distressed by the hesitancy in his words.  “It’s *you* I love, you I want.  This baby was created from love, from our love and that makes it so very, very special to me.  But I love you for *you*, for who you are.  If I thought I was better off without you John, I would have found someone else years ago.  But I can’t imagine ever loving anyone else the way I love you.  I just don’t think it’s possible.”  She might have imagined it, but she thought she saw a softening in his eyes, and it gave her the encouragement she needed to continue.  “When you touch me, it’s something beyond sexual.  It’s like you can touch my soul with your love and your emotion.  And it’s the most wonderful feeling.”  She allowed herself a little smile as she saw recognition in his eyes.  “You know what I mean?”

 

“I think I do, yeah,” he nodded his head and reflected her smile, almost despite himself.

 

“I think it’s because we are supposed to be together,” she whispered, stepping close to him again.  “I believe with all of my heart that we are soulmates.  That we were supposed to find each other.”  Marlena reached out with nervous fingers and caught his hand in hers.  “We’ve both done stupid things, made mistakes that we regret.  And John, I *do* regret not having more trust and faith in our love.  You are right, I should have known better but I made a mistake, and I am asking you to forgive me.”  Her breath caught in her throat as she felt the fingers of his other hand entwine with hers and she looked up to find his blue eyes shining in the dim light.

 

“I think what we have *is* beyond special and I don’t think that *anything* can diminish that.  Not if we don’t let it.  We make each other better people and our love binds us into a unit that is so strong that I don’t think it can be broken.”  She smiled up at him.  “I mean, it’s not like they haven’t tried.  And look, we’re still here aren’t we….?”

 

“I’ve tried to stay away from you before Doc,” he whispered, the words smooth across his lips.  “Probably more times than you’ll even know.  But somehow, I always end up with you in my arms.  And I think you’re right.  It’s because we are meant to be together.”

 

“I couldn’t love anyone else,” she murmured as she pressed her belly against him.  “Not anymore.  I don’t want to.”

 

“I don’t want you to either,” he chuckled lightly as he slipped his arms around her, her hands still in his.  Bring her arms around behind her, he crossed her wrists behind her back. 

 

“John,” her face became serious.  “I really am sorry.  I’m sorry I hurt you like that.  I wish I could go back and change it; I wish we could just undo it all, but we can’t.  But I don’t want to lose you because we let ourselves get caught up in our own fallibility.”

 

“I’m sorry too,” John told her softly.  “I know I hurt you with Kristen and I know that’s why you couldn’t trust me….  I do know that, but it still hurts.”

 

“I think in time,” Marlena’s eyes swept his face, her love for him transparent even to him, “if we both try really hard to trust and love each other, that the pain will eventually go away.  I think though that we do need to be honest with each other about our feelings.  We can’t get to this point again, John, it’s too destructive, too painful.”

 

“I know,” he lowered his head, “I thought I was doing the right thing….”

“I know you did,” she leaned her head on one side, catching his eyes, “and I love you for that, but I really need your honesty in this relationship, otherwise we’re back where we started.”  The emotion stifled her voice as she tried to voice her thoughts and feelings.  “I just can’t lose you John.  I just can’t go through that again.”

 

“I love you so much Marlena,” he could feel her curves through the thin fabric, and he realized suddenly, that for the first time in days, that there was just the two of them in the room.  No Kristen, no Stefano, and no Eugene sliding insidiously between them.

 

“I love you too,” she whispered with a hint of a smile.  “I love you so much it hurts sometimes.”

 

Leaning forward, John pressed his lips against her forehead. 

 

“I don’t want to hurt you Doc.  I don’t ever want to cause you any pain.”

 

“I think that’s inevitable, isn’t it?” she asked quietly.  “We’re people, we make mistakes from time to time.  We’re going to hurt each other.  We need to acknowledge that and not be afraid to tell each other when we are hurting.”

 

“You’re right, of course,” John grinned.  “Just my luck, to fall in love with a beautiful lady shrink.”

 

“Yeah well,” she leaned her head on one side, short blonde hair swinging with gravity as she did so.  “This lady shrink feels very lucky that you did.”

 

“I’m sorry about the things I said Doc,” his face slid downwards into seriousness.  “I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that.  Especially now, of all times.”

 

“That’s okay,” she shivered slightly in his arms, unable to hide her discomfort at the reminder of the day’s events.  “I’m sorry too.”

 

“Is Eugene really leaving?” John asked her, releasing her arms.

 

“Uh-huh,” she nodded her head sadly.  “I guess it is the best thing for all of us.  At least then there will be no more confusion and no more mixed messages.”

 

“I….” John knew he was going to regret this, but he had to say it.  “I’m not actually sure that it’s such a good idea Doc.”

 

 

******

 

 

Q zipped up the bag and sat down heavily on the bed, dropping his head into his hands.  What a nightmare this had all turned out to be.  How could he, a Q have so royally f*cked up everything he had touched? 

 

He was omniscient, omnipotent.  So how was it that he couldn’t even control his lust for a mortal woman?  It seemed beyond the realms of possibility, but there it was.  Brought to his knees by his very own Helen.

 

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his weary face.  He badly needed sleep, but he was almost to the point where he feared to close his eyes for the fear of what might happen behind the mask of dreams.

 

“Eugene?”  He looked up to find Lucie at the doorway, a terry cloth robe wrapped around her lithe frame.  “What’s going on?”

 

“I thought you’d gone out,” Q grunted irritably.

 

“It *is* almost three in the morning,” Lucie returned with raised eyebrows.

 

“It’s nothing,” he snapped, just wishing she’d go away.  And knowing that he didn’t have a hope in hell of that actually happening.  The woman was nothing, if not irritatingly persistent.

 

“Didn’t sound like nothing.”  Lucie crossed her arms in front of her.  “Between the three of you I was kinda expecting the dead to start raising.”

 

“It’s *personal*,” Q’s eyes narrowed.  “Why don’t you mind your own business?  Why are you so interested in what goes on around here anyway?” he asked suspiciously.

 

“Hello, I get woken at two in the morning by fighting that goes on for forty minutes.  You don’t think I’m gonna be a little curious?” she pointed out.  “I know you don’t much like me Eugene, but I am a little concerned about Marlena.  She is my boss and given her condition and what Mike said this afternoon, it seems to me you should be doing everything you can to *avoid* fighting with her.”

 

“You’re right,” Q said nastily.  “I don’t like you.  But if you *must* know, I’ll be leaving in the morning.  So, there’ll be no more fighting.”

 

“Leaving?”

 

“Yes.  Now if there are no more questions, perhaps you’ll let me get on with packing.”  Q was doing his best to ignore the young woman but if he hadn’t been, maybe he would have caught the glint in her eye as she turned from the doorway.

 

 

******

 

 

“What on earth do you mean John?”  Marlena pulled away from John, more than a little surprised.  That had been the last thing she had been expecting to hear.  “I thought that Gene being here was part of the problem.”

 

“It is.”  John nodded.  “A big part.  But despite that, I think he should stay.”

 

“Maybe I’m being obtuse,” Marlena crossed her arms in front of her, “but I really don’t get th-….. Oh….”  She saw the look on his face and the chill traveled down to the core of her soul.  “Stefano.”

 

“It’s too dangerous to have you here alone with Stefano this close Doc,” John told her softly.  “Now we have proof that he’s here…”

 

“But you’re here,” she replied quickly, “you can stay here.”

 

“I don’t know how long we’ll be able to keep Kristen sedated sweetheart,” he said gently as he caught her hand up in his.  “I’ll stay here as long as I can, and G*d knows I’m the first one to want Eugene out of here, but baby I need to know that you are safe and protected.”

 

“He might not want to stay,” she swallowed uncomfortably.

 

“I heard what he said,” John admitted.  It wasn’t as though he hadn’t already known.  He had seen it in the man’s eyes more than once.  He knew what it was like to be haunted like that.

 

“Well, is it fair to ask him to stay?” she squeezed John’s fingers.  “On you or him?”  She frowned, feeling guilty and ashamed again as Eugene’s words echoed in her mind.    I dream that you come to me and make love to me, and I wake up and sometimes they seem so real I wonder if they actually happened.

 

“I don’t know Doc,” he shook his head tiredly

.

“And I don’t know if *I* can take it anymore,” she suddenly looked exhausted again and John had the sudden urge to lift his fingers and smooth away the lines of tiredness that marred her beautiful face.  “You were right about what this is doing to him.  I don’t know if I can live with the guilt and the awkwardness of seeing him every day, knowing that.  And not only that but knowing how you feel about him….”  She faltered, not knowing what John expected of her when it came to Eugene.  It was only a moment later that she realized that whatever he expected, she had to be honest with him about her feelings.  This was what this was all about ultimately. 

 

“Maybe if he leaves now there’s a chance that we can be friends again someday.”  She desperately wanted him to understand her attachment to Gene wasn’t about what their relationship, their affair had been.  It was about the fact that he had been her good friend for so long and she wanted to salvage something of that.  If she could.  “I want to be his friend John.  He needs us to be his friends.  And he is such a big part of my past.  He was there for me during so many good and bad times in my life.  I don’t want to lose his friendship because of a lousy, stupid mistake.”

 

John said nothing but lifted his hand to tuck loose strands of golden hair behind her ear.

 

“If you make me choose, I’ll choose you, you know that,” she told him quietly.  “But I’m asking you not to make me do that.”

 

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that Doc,” he told her gently with a small smile.  “But I have to tell you, I’m glad to know you would choose me.”

 

“If you want to get rid of me, you’ll have to find a better way than that,” she smiled as he tenderly smoothed his thumb across her cheek.

 

“I love you, Marlena Evans.  And baby, I’m never letting you leave.”

 

“Mmmmmm,” she sighed as she settled into his waiting arms, feeling the warmth of his chest against her chilled cheek.  “I love you too.”  She was silent for a moment, just listening to the muffled beat of his heart. 

 

“Do you think you’ll be able to forgive me?” she asked in a slight voice, her uncertainty echoed by the tensing of her muscles against John’s.

 

“If you’ll forgive me for being such a selfish jerk, yeah,” John smiled tightly.

 

“You weren’t the only one being selfish,” she sighed, looking up at him with pink cheeks.  “*I* was being selfish too.  I thought I could pretend it all away and have everything the way it was.  And I should have known better than that.”  She sighed softly.  “I think it’s just because we love each other so much.  We were just trying to convince ourselves too hard that everything was all right.  Because anything else was too frightening.”

 

“Well, I know that I wanted to think that I was bigger than that Doc.”  He cupped both cheeks with a broad hand and stroked his thumbs over the smooth, flushed skin.  “But you are such a beautiful, amazing woman that most of the time I just wonder how the hell I got so lucky as to have you fall in love with me.  And suddenly it was like all my worst nightmares came true.  I found you again and then I lost you and the pain was just *unbearable*.”  He shook his head as the words caught in his throat and he felt her fingers wrap around his wrists.  “When it comes down to it baby, I guess I’m just insecure because I’m *so* afraid of losing you again.”

 

“Oh John,” she ached with love for him and the realization that she knew exactly what he was talking about because that was how she felt about him.

 

“Promise me that will never happen Marlena,” his voice was fierce, and the intensity of his eyes punctuated his plea.  “Promise me that you will always love me and trust me and that you will never doubt me again.  Promise me that will you?”  His fingers were strong against her cheeks, and she felt momentarily breathless.

 

“I promise,” she whispered, her heart pounding so that she felt dizzy beneath his gaze.  “I promise,” her voice was stronger as she smoothed her hands down his forearm until they came into contact with the warm cotton robe.  “I promise.”

 

“You’ll never love anyone else?” he lowered his face so that it was inches away from hers, his breath warm on her skin.

 

“There will never be anyone else.”

 

She tilted her face up so that she was staring straight into his eyes, and he shivered as he saw the vulnerability and love in them.  It was as though with a single glance, she was offering her heart and soul to him, offering them up to his ownership, daring him to refuse her.  “I will never want anyone else, and I will never love anyone else,” she answered firmly, her fingers stirring the dark hair that covered his arms.  “Only you.  I’m yours, I belong to you.  I always will.  Just as you belong to me John.”  Her cinnamon-colored eyes glittered almost dangerously and John knew all of a sudden that he would forgive her anything.  She was right, he was hers.  And that was all that mattered in the end.  “We’re meant to be you and me.  There’s no point in fighting fate.  She’s always going to win.”  She gave him a sensuous smile and his stomach flipped.

 

“G*d I love you,” he growled as he pulled her to him, crushing his lips against hers.  She moaned as he parted her lips with his tongue and twisted his fingers roughly in her short hair.  She surrendered herself to him without argument, slipping her arms around his neck and whimpering gently as he tugged on her hair, pulling her head backwards so that her throat was exposed.

 

She shivered with the delicious feeling of his mouth as it moved down her throat.  His tongue and lips toyed with the sensitive skin in the small fragrant hollow at the base where her neck.  Then they traveled across the graceful curve where it met her shoulder until they encountered lace. 

 

Releasing her, he breathed in as he looked down at her questioning eyes.

“I promise I’ll never hurt you, Marlena.  I’ll never give you reason to doubt me again.  I promise to always cherish you and to *never* let you go again.”  The passion in his voice seemed to tear Marlena’s breath from her and the echo of it glimmering in the depths of his indigo eyes, brought her close to tears.

 

“I never dreamed I’d get this lucky,” she said softly, lifting her fingers to smooth the silvery hair at his temples.

 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” his fingers passed lightly over her bottom lip, the touch almost too light to be felt but by the nerves that sent fire rippling through her.  “But whatever it was, I’m forever grateful.”

”You, were just you,” she answered him with a loving smile.  “You were just the man who I fell in love with.  A man of honesty, loyalty and integrity.  And an incredibly deep capacity to love.  A man with a nature ruled by passion and devotion.  And a tenderness for his family that knows no bounds.  That’s what you did to deserve me.”

 

“And you always had faith in me Doc,” he replied, his face serious and intense.  “You never let me down, you always believed in me.  In who I was.  Even when nobody else knew or cared.”  He lifted his bent forefinger and rested it under her jaw, bringing his thumb down to rest against the tiny indentation in her chin.  “You were *always* there for me. Even when you were frightened and alone.  Even when I didn’t deserve your loyalty.  And with your grace and sweetness and beautiful heart, you never let me forget it.  And that is why I love you; because I have never met someone who moved my heart in the way you do Doc.  I have never met anyone else who made the sun rise, just because she walked into the room.”

 

Marlena said nothing, but the tears that rolled down her cheeks were all the eloquence that was needed in the silent moment that bound the couple together.  And then, with his thumbs, John gently wiped her face and leaned his forehead against hers.  He nuzzled her cheek tenderly, feeling the warmth of her hair as he slid his fingers through it.  He smiled at the sound of the little sigh that slipped out from between her lips, that simple sound bringing back so many memories.

 

She trembled in his arms and suddenly he realized that she was still only wearing a flimsy robe and nothing else.

 

“Baby, you must be freezing,” he slid his hands down her arms to her fingers which were indeed chilled.  “C’mon, let’s get you upstairs.”

 

“But what about Gene?” she asked hesitantly.  They still hadn’t decided whether they would let him leave or not and she didn‘t think she could sleep until she had at least talked to him again and made some kind of peace between them all.

 

“Well, why don’t we let Eugene decide what to do?” John raised his eyebrows.  Mostly he wanted to see Eugene out of this place forever and out of Marlena’s life too.  But he didn’t want to see her unhappy.  And he didn’t want to see her in danger.  And both of those things were what Eugene’s departure would leave her, he knew that.

 

“I…” Marlena watched him closely, “are you sure that’s what you want?”

 

“It’s not what I *want* Doc.  But what I *want* doesn’t really count here.  What is important is keeping you safe.  And as long as DiMera is sniffing around I won’t feel that you’re safe unless you’re in my sight at all times.  And since we know that probably won’t be possible….” he shrugged.  “I just can’t see any other way.”

 

“All right then,” she conceded uneasily.  “It’s up to him though.”  She frowned, remembering Eugene’s face as he had informed her he was leaving tomorrow.  Something told her that Gene might not be very easily persuaded to stay.  And she wasn’t at all sure she wanted him to be.

 

“Okay,” John brushed the pad of his thumb across her cheek.  “To be quite honest Doc, I don’t know how hard I’ll be able to argue with him if he doesn’t want to stay.  I can’t pretend I don’t want you all to myself.”

 

“You know, I kind of like the sound of that,” she grinned despite herself as he pulled her to him.

 

“You should,” he winked at her lecherously and she giggled as she slipped her arms around his neck.

 

“I love you,” she murmured as she brushed her lips against his.

 

“Mmmmmm, love you too.”  His hand roamed down over her rear, and she felt the tremors that his touch elicited ripple through her.

 

“Why don’t we just bypass talking and amuse ourselves another way?” Marlena suggested with a sensual half-smile.  She straightened her arms so that her hands flipped over, and the backs of her fingers brushed against his soft hair.

 

“Uh-uh Doc, I don’t get distracted that easily,” he laughed as she raised her brows.  “Okay well not all the time, anyway.”

 

“You want to go and talk to Eugene,” she sighed uneasily, loosening her arms.

 

“I think we should, yeah,” he nodded his head as he stroked her blonde hair away from her face.  “I know that you’d rather not think about any of it sweetheart, but we have to.  So, we may as well get it over with.”

 

“May as well,” she repeated weakly, withdrawing from him.

 

“Courage, Doc,” he whispered with a small smile, “It’s not that bad.”

“You can say that, you’re not the one that screwed up his life,” she said unhappily.

 

“No, I’m the one that screwed up yours for the longest time,” he replied simply.  “You can’t let that dictate your life, Marlena.  If we can forgive each other, I think you should be able to forgive yourself, huh?”

 

Marlena stared at him momentarily, blinking in amazement and then the tension fell from her shoulders.

 

“Just who is the shrink here?” the light sound of her laughter was music to John’s ears, and he caught her hand in his as he pulled her towards the doorway.

 

“Well, you see there’s this wonderful woman who taught me everything I know….”

 

 

******

 

 

“So,” the deep Italian baritone was sotto voce as Stefano contemplated the latest news.  “Eugene Bradford is leaving mmm?  How fortuitous.”

 

“I wouldn’t count on it,” the sullen voice of his companion was graced with a European inflection.  “What difference does it make anyway?”

 

“Ah,” Stefano smiled, a cultured savagery gleaming in his ebony eyes, “my dear friend, it makes all the difference in the world.  It makes it ever so much easier to play our games with John.  To taunt him with the knowledge that he cannot fight fate.  He will know in advance his fate and that of his family, but still, he will not be able to stop it.  That will be the ultimate sweetness.”

“I don’t know why we just don’t kill him now and be done with it,” the other man muttered as he stared into his tumbler of whisky.  “I want him *dead*.”  There was a bitterness in his voice that defied description and Stefano had a momentary realization that his partner could be a very loose cannon, given the right circumstances.  He would have to keep a very tight rein on him to make sure nothing happened to spoil his plans.

 

“Patience, patience my friend,” he said soothingly.  “You will get your revenge soon enough.  And will it not be all the more satisfying to know that John understands it all?  He has taken from both of us, taken what did not belong to him.  And he will know the feeling of loss before we are through.”

 

“If he knows the pain of losing what is most dear to you.  If he knows the agony of losing your heart before he *dies*,” the brown eyes glittered with hatred as the clipped words flickered into the abyss between them, “then I will be content.  But only then.”  He swirled the whisky in the cut crystal tumbler and then, throwing his head back, he swallowed it, the liquid burning a fiery trail down his gullet.

 

“Oh, he will know,” Stefano smiled malevolently as let his plan play through his mind, like the reel of a particularly immoral film.  “He will most definitely know.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Eugene,” John knocked on the door to Q’s bedroom, his hand still clutching Marlena’s.  “Eugene, we’d like to talk to you.”

 

The room behind the door was silent and Marlena’s nerves started to get the better of her. 

“John, please, let’s just leave it,” she begged, unwilling to get involved in another confrontation tonight.  All she really wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.  After her nightmare and then the draining events following it, she was shattered and almost dead on her feet.

 

“Eugene,” John knocked again, ignoring Marlena’s lack of enthusiasm and she sighed, pulling the throw closer around her shoulders.  John had taken it from the sofa downstairs and wrapped around her before they had made their way up the steps.  But despite its warmth, she was shivering with the early morning chill in the air and she was longing for her warm bed.

 

Footsteps sounded behind the door, and it opened a crack to show an unyielding Q, his mouth set in a line of unrelenting ill-humor.

 

“Sorry to disturb you,” John said stiffly, “but we need to talk.”

”I think everything has been said hasn’t it?” Q raised his brows soberly.

 

“I don’t think so,” John pushed on the door so that it opened slightly.  “Uh…. we…” he looked at Marlena who had averted her eyes and was staring deliberately at the floor, “I mean I’m sorry I was so abrupt down there.  I was upset.”  The words were hard to spit out, but he had to say them.  “I….,” his eyes flicked to Marlena again, but she was still looking at the carpet, unwilling to give anything away to either of them with her expressive eyes.  “Marlena and I sorted some things out downstairs and I….” He faltered, wondering suddenly if this was such a good idea after all as he saw Eugene’s gaze sweep across to Marlena almost unconsciously.

 

Deciding that he had gone too far to back out now, he plunged onward, acutely aware of Marlena’s tenseness at his side.

 

“I was wondering, Eugene,” he said awkwardly, “if you would reconsider leaving.  Just for the time being,” he added quickly.

 

“You want me to stay?” Q was more than just a little stunned.  He had been expecting a myriad of things from John, from accusations to outright rage and orders to leave right now.  Being asked to stay was about the last thing he had expected.  “Why?”  His chestnut-colored eyes betrayed his curiosity as he leaned against the doorframe.

 

“We know Stefano is close to Salem if not right here,” John said without prevarication.  “And if the past is anything to go by, we know his target is more than likely Marlena.  While I can spend more time here than previously, the reality is that I can’t be here twenty-four hours a day.  And I don’t want to leave Marlena unprotected.”

 

“Can’t you post a security guard outside the building?  Outside the door?”  Q asked.

 

“Eugene, you know how Stefano manages to infiltrate himself into these situations.  I‘m trying to think of one where he didn’t manage to bribe at least one security guard and I’m struggling.  I believe even when he kidnapped the twinners before I ever came to Salem, he had *his* men penetrate the company that Doc hired to keep the kids safe.  I just can’t take that risk.  I need to know she has someone with her that I can trust.”

 

“And you trust me?” Q asked blandly.

 

“Yes,” John nodded, his sincerity quite clear to see.

 

“What does Marlena think about all this?” Q asked, his voice unusually controlled.  “Does she want me to stay?”  He watched Marlena shuffle uncomfortably and then slowly lift her head, her flushed cheeks only serving to enhance the gold of her eyes.

 

“I want you to do whatever is best for you,” she said gently.  “I don’t want you to stay if it’s going to be too painful for you.”

 

“That’s not what I asked Marlena,” he said, his voice oddly emotionless so that she cringed with the coldness.  “I asked if you wanted me to stay.”

 

His eyes caught hers, chocolate seeking hazel in a sidestep of familiarity and strangeness.  Her heart seemed to miss a beat and she felt peculiarly breathless as she tore her gaze from his.

 

“No,” she whispered, her heart breaking with the choice she had to make.  “I don’t want you to stay.”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 120 – Leaving Home Ain’t Easy

 

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered softly, her hands shaking as she tucked them beneath the throw, pulling it close like some kind of shield.  “I’m sorry, it’s just wrong… It’s too hard, for all of us.”

 

“Doc, you know the reasons,” John said in frustration.  He hadn’t expected her to back out, though a voice in the back of his mind told him he should have known her better than that.  “I can deal with it.  I’m sure Eugene can too.”

 

“But I *can’t*,” she turned to him; her eyes swimming with unshed tears.  “I can’t do it John.  Not anymore.  I thought I could pretend that nothing had happened.  But you proved to me that *none* of us can do that.”  A tear dribbled over smooth skin, and she flicked at it with irritated fingers.  “I hurt you *both*.  And I see you here in the same room and the way you look at each other….”

 

Her voice cracked and it was all she could do not to break down as she stood between the two of them.  Eugene’s face was a cold, controlled mask, hiding his pain and anger, and John’s expression was one of hurt and confusion, stormy cobalt eyes signaling his dismay.  In different ways, she had betrayed them both, betrayed John’s love and Gene’s friendship.  And she couldn’t continue to do that for her own selfish reasons.  That wasn’t fair on any of them.  “That’s my *fault*,” she whispered, her lips feeling oddly as though they didn’t want to move of their own accord.  But somehow the words still stumbled past, barely audible, but still potent.  “And I have to make that right.”

 

“Marlena,” Q sighed.  He hadn’t wanted to make her feel guilty, but he should have known.  He knew her too well to kid himself that she wouldn’t blame herself for this whole sorry mess they found themselves in.  It was what she did, when faced with pain, she took responsibility for it, even if it wasn’t hers to take responsibility for.  Like Sami’s misbehaviour; like Roman’s injuries.  Somehow, she always felt that it came back to her and her failings as a human being.  He had hoped she had realized by now that it was all right to make mistakes; that everyone did.  Even omnipotent Q’s.  No one was ever infallible.  

 

“It wasn’t your fault.  So, you screwed up?  So did I.  So did John.  It’s not up to *you* to make everything right.  You can’t do that; you can’t just wave a magic wand and everything will be suddenly okay.”

 

“I *know* that,” she said angrily, as she turned on him, the throw swinging around her ankles slightly to reveal the translucent robe that clung to her beneath it.  “Please don’t patronize me, Eugene.  I am a psychiatrist, I do think I understand a little about human nature.”

”All right, I’m sorry,” he bowed his head slightly, realizing that arguing with her when she was in this frame of mind was probably going to be pointless.  If not downright dangerous.  “I just don’t want you to feel guilty about something none of us can change.”

 

“He’s right Doc,” John interrupted gently; almost surprised that he could actually agree with Eugene now without it twisting in his gut.  “There’s no point in dwelling on this any longer.”

“Well, how are we supposed to forget it when Gene is here day in, day out?”  Marlena asked, a lump swelling painfully in her throat.  Her bronze eyes questioned him with painful honesty and John felt himself drowning in among the truth of her words.  “When we have to see each other every day?  When you have to leave me here alone with him?  When he runs into me in the kitchen in the middle of the night because neither of us can sleep….?”

 

John had no answer for that.  The look on her face had captured him and drawn him into her pain and culpability and he could do nothing but think of how he needed to hold her and never let her go.  He had to make her feel safe again; feel that she had done the best that she could for him and the children.  But still there was the issue of her safety.  And the reality that he alone could not assure it. 

 

And so, instead, he reached out to touch her, his fingers grazing the softness of the chenille throw.  He could see the outline of her pregnancy underneath the chartreuse fabric, and it sparked his reply.

 

“I need to know you are safe Marlena.  I *need* to know that DiMera can’t get in here.  I need to know that there is always someone here to protect you.  You and the kids.  I…” he dropped his hand over the bulge of the baby that nestled inside her, stroking the smooth fabric with loving fingers, “I can’t risk losing you Doc.  I can’t even *think* about it.  I have to protect my family Marlena, you *have* to understand that.”

 

“At what cost John?” she asked, her voice trembling again.  Her hazel eyes searched his mercilessly, but she was only answered by an almost imperceptible lifting of John’s shoulders.  “Well, *I* need to protect my family too.”  Her voice was fierce, and her eyes glistened with passion.  “My family is my first priority and I need to make things right with you, and the children.  I need to know that I am doing everything I can….”

 

Her voice became lost in the huskiness of emotion and her fist curled up tightly under the velvety covering.  It was a nuance that was not lost on John.  He knew her so well, knew how terrified she was by that one tiny gesture, and he ached for her.  Moving in front of her, he slowly lifted his own hands and covered her fists with large, warm palms, wrapping his fingers over the top of the small balls.  She swallowed as he gazed down at her, his eyes so searingly blue that she thought she might lose herself in them.  Her voice was shaking as she spoke.

 

“John, we need to have the opportunity to straighten things out.  By ourselves.  And Eugene needs the opportunity to rest and heal.  Those things can’t happen while he’s here.  I’m sorry but they just can’t.  We’ll just have to find another way….” She dipped her head, and John felt the slow warm droplets of moisture as they rolled over his fingers.

 

“Doc,” his voice was like a gentle caress, enveloping her in his tender love, “I know you want to do the best you can, but baby, this is a two-way street.  We *both* have to work at making things right.  And we’ll do that, but sweetheart you have to understand that you could be in *danger*.  You know just as well as I do that Stefano will never give up.  And I can’t stand by and give him the opportunity to just walk in here and take you away again.” 

 

He waited silently for her answer, but he could see her shoulders shake as she tried to control the sobs that came without warning.

 

“I can’t,” she shook her head as she looked up at him, tears streaking her pale face in long, glistening trails.  “I’m afraid John.  I’m too afraid.”

 

“Afraid of what, honey?” he asked softly.

 

“Sc…screwing things up…. again,” she managed between tears.  “I l… I love you too m… much to risk… to risk that.”

 

“It’s not going to happen, sweetheart,” he lifted a hand and tenderly stroked her hair, realizing that this outburst was probably dictated more by hormones than anything else, and that reassurance was what she needed most.  “We’re strong.  We’ve made it through the worst.  And I love you.  You can believe that even if you don’t believe anything else.”

 

“I l…love you too,” her sobs slowed slightly.  “But it’s not just that John.  I care about Gene too much to put him through this.  I remember how much I hated living with you and Kristen.  How the sight of the two of you together killed me every time I saw you kissing…..”  She shook convulsively at the memory and John pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. 

 

“I’m so sorry Doc.  If I had only known….

.”

“Well please don’t ask Gene to stay then,” she whispered.  “Please don’t ask him to suffer that.  John, it’s just not fair.”

 

Q watched the exchange with mixed feelings.  On one hand part of him was glad that Marlena had said she wanted him to go.  He didn’t know how much longer he could stand seeing her day in, day out.  Maybe if he was spared the sight of her, of her golden hair and gorgeous smile, of the skin that glowed rosy when she laughed.  Of the sound of that laughter, like a peel of bells that bound him with their glorious melody.  Maybe then he could be spared the torture of the dreams that haunted him.  And maybe, after a time, her touch wouldn’t burn him, wouldn’t sear him like a thousand stars concentrated into one velvety soft moment.

 

But on the other hand, the thought of waking in the morning and knowing he wouldn’t see her beautiful smile and hear her sweet good morning as she passed him a glass of orange juice, terrified him.  She was like an addiction for him, he hated the fact that he craved her, but even the smallest smile or touch made his heart jump, and he wasn’t sure he could live without that. 

 

But the reality was, that sooner or later, he was going to have to.

 

He watched as John loosened his arms from around Marlena and they turned to him with the tacit question echoing in their eyes.  Blue and gold, so perfectly attuned that it hit him like a tangible force.

 

“I….” He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, he only knew if he opened his mouth, the words would most likely come out.  And he wasn’t even sure what those words would be, he only knew they expected some kind of answer from him.  An answer he wasn’t sure he had the will to give them.

 

Marlena pulled the chenille blanket closer around her once more as she shivered uncontrollably.  Her blonde hair rested in tangled curls around her face where the moisture from her tears had dampened it and her eyes were large and dark, set in impossibly pale skin.  She needed sleep and needed it badly and he was only postponing the inevitable.

 

“I can’t stay,” he said hoarsely wrapping his arms in front of him as though it could protect him from the pain he was feeling.  “I wish I could help.  I want Marlena to be safe as much as you do, but I’m too distracted to be much use to anybody right now.”  Neither of them said anything, and he immediately felt like the biggest jerk on this side of the Alpha Quadrant.  “I’m sorry.  I wish I could, I just can’t do it.  It’s not right for me to be here.  I….” He shook his head rapidly, desperate to just escape this torture.  “Maybe you could get someone else you trust, Roman or Bo.  I just can’t….” 

 

He switched his abstracted gaze to Marlena and his vow to be strong shattered.  His shoulders dropped and the pain flooded into his russet-colored eyes.  “I love you, Marlena.  And I want you to be happy.  That’s why I can’t….”

 

His words were swallowed by the muffled silence in the room and the thump of his heart seemed to echo painfully in his ears as the moment slowed down to an almost infinite second, all movements slow and agonizing.  Then, he grabbed his bag from the bed with stiff, cold fingers and slung it over his shoulder.

 

A look of panic flashed momentarily in Marlena’s eyes, and she clutched desperately at John’s robe as Eugene passed her, exiting the room that had for so long been his.

 

“Gene!” she wasn’t that far behind him as he thumped down the stairs with heavy footsteps.  “Gene, you don’t have to go right now.”

 

“I may as well,” he shrugged, trying to hide the pain that ripped through him at the sight of her distress.  “What’s the point in staying?”

 

“You don’t have anywhere to go…” she searched for the words as she tried to work out why she was suddenly so upset that he was going, when only five minutes ago, she had told him that she didn’t want him there anymore.  Slowly, her breathing returned to normal, and she looked up at him with sad eyes as she felt John’s arms around her shoulders.  “Gene, where will you go?  Where will you stay?” she asked tiredly.

 

“I’m not sure,” he exhaled, his shoulders slumping, “but you don’t need to worry on that accord Marlena.  I’m not the same man that came to Salem without a memory or a place to belong.  I’ll get along just fine.”  His chocolate eyes softened as he looked at her weary face.  “You need to concentrate on your family.”

 

The finality in his voice struck her, sending her heart thumping almost painfully in her chest as she considered the implications.

 

“Are you leaving Salem?” she asked in a shaking voice.

 

“I don’t think so,” he dispelled her fears with a quick shake of the head.  “John’s right, Stefano is close.  And even if I can’t stay here in the apartment, I promise I’ll be near enough that if you need me, I will know.”

 

“Gene I…” she swallowed heavily; the tears salty on her lips as the relief surged through her.  She wanted him to go but she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him all together, no matter how selfish that might be.  “I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m sorry too,” he gave her a sad smile.  “If I had known…” his sigh was weighed with regret.  “Make it right with your family, Marlena.  And be happy.”

 

Before she could answer him, he had turned and passed through the open door.  She watched the handle move upwards as the latch clicked into place and she closed her eyes as she leaned back into John’s strong embrace.

 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured eventually, as she dried her cheeks with the corner of the throw.  “I know you need to keep me safe, but I can’t be the cause of any more pain.”  She twisted around in his arms and looked at him from red-rimmed eyes.  “I couldn’t put any of us through any more pain John.”  Her voice was hoarse and scratchy, and she stumbled over the words as the baby suddenly shifted uncomfortably within her.  “I can’t take it.  I can’t ask either of you to bear anymore because of me.  And I couldn’t….”  she pressed her lips together and closed her eyes as she felt the hot prickle of tears threaten again.  “I’m sorry…”

 

“Hey,” John’s voice was warm and loving as he brushed the side of her face tenderly.  “It’s okay Doc.  I understand.”  He felt the muscles in her back tense under his hand and she opened her eyes, blinking quickly as she tried to discern whether his words were sincere.

 

“You do?” her chin trembled as she spoke.

 

“You’ve been through so much Doc.  How could I blame you for wanting to put *us* first?” he smiled as he pushed the damp hair off her face in a gesture imbued with all the love he felt for her.  “In fact, a big part of me is glad you insisted.  I really don’t know if I could have taken seeing you with him, even after everything….”

 

“You really don’t mind?” she could feel the tension roll from her shoulders even as he held her.

“Well, I will have to work out some other way to keep you safe…” his fingers drifted smoothly across the swell of her cheek and downwards until his thumb grazed her lower lip, “but no, I really don’t mind.  The thought of having you all to myself is getting more and more appealing all the time.”

 

“Hmmmmm…” she managed a little smile, but the whirlwind of the last twenty-four hours was taking its toll and suddenly she felt as though her knees were made of rubber as they buckled on her.

 

“Marlena!” John was quick enough to drop his arm and catch her before she slipped from his grasp.  “Oh G*d Doc, baby are you okay?  Doc?”  His voice was filled with fear; fear that curled around him with shivering conviction as she slowly lifted her eyes to his, hazels weary and softly blurring.  “Sweetheart, please, tell me you’re all right,” he pleaded, through bleached lips.

 

“I’m okay,” she breathed softly, clinging to him, as her body, seemingly amorphous for a moment, became solid again.  “I’m okay.”

 

“You don’t look okay,” his voice was strained as he studied her face guiltily.  He couldn’t believe what an asshole he had been.  It suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks that this was exactly the very *last* thing she needed.  He had been obsessed with his own jealousy and pain and he had taken it out on her when what she had really needed was his love and support.

 

“G*d, I’m such a selfish b*stard.  Mike told me the very last thing that you needed was to be put under any more stress.  And what did I do?  Listened to my own selfish, paranoid imaginings and made you suffer-“

 

“John,” she stopped him with a straight hand against his chest and a firmness in her voice.  “We needed to say what was said tonight.  We should have said it a long time ago.”

 

“But Doc-” she was ashen and exhausted looking as she tried to assuage his guilt, and somehow, that only ended up adding to it.  How could he have been so utterly wrapped up in himself?  Sometimes he wondered why the hell she still loved him, after everything he had put her through.  “Sweetheart I’m sorry.  Maybe we did need to talk about it, but tonight…. after the news about Stefano…and that dream you had..…”  He winced at the memory of her hunched over in the bathroom.  “I’m really sorry, baby.  I…”

 

“You needed to say it,” she said tiredly.  “And I’m glad you did.  I’m glad we got it all out in the open, no matter how painful it is.  Because we can fix it now.”  She reached up and traced the lines at the corner of his eye with cool fingers.  “We promised to be honest with each other.  But we were still trying to protect each other from the pain that we felt.  But we both know now that it doesn’t work.  If we say honesty, then we have to *mean* total honesty.”

 

John said nothing as he gazed down her, captivated by the way that she could put her whole soul into words that really mattered to her so that they echoed in her eyes and the way that she moved.  She didn’t just say words, she *felt* them.  She lived them.

 

“I’m just worried about you Doc,” he said softly, tightening his arms around her so that her belly was hard against his.  “You must know how much you and the baby mean to me.  If anything was to happen to you and it was my fault….  I don’t think I could ever forgive-”

 

“*Nothing* is going to happen to me, or to the baby,” Marlena said steadily.  “Except that maybe I might fall asleep standing here.”  She yawned, as if to prove her point.  “I’m just tired John, it’s been a long, trying night and I’m just tired.”

 

“You’re sure that’s all?” he asked worriedly.  “You feel okay?  No dizziness or pain?”

 

“No,” she blinked again, trying to keep her rapidly failing vision from doubling on her.  All of a sudden, she was absolutely shattered and she just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for the next three days.  “No,” she shook her head, punctuating the movement with another yawn.  “Just really, really tired.  And wanting to go to bed,” she added.

 

“Okay, point taken,” he grinned, figuring that if she was giving him orders then she couldn’t be feeling too bad.  Hooking one arm under her knees, he lifted her into his arms and smiled as she rested her head against his broad shoulder.  By the time he reached the bedroom, she was already asleep.

 

 

~ * ~

 

 

“Morning sleepyhead,” Marlena’s eyelids fluttered slowly open as John’s voice penetrated the haze of blissful sleep that cocooned her.

 

“Mmmmmm,” she stretched her body languidly as he leaned over to press his lips to her forehead.  “Morning.”  Her voice was warm and rich, imbued with the remnants of peaceful sleep.

 

“How are you feeling?” he brushed the hair gently from her face as he placed a mug of steaming hot tea on the bedside table next to her and lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed.  She took a moment to think about it and then smiled.

 

“I feel pretty good.”  She drew her arm out from under the cover and laid her hand over his.  “What time is it?”

 

“Almost eleven,” he grinned, “Mike has been waiting downstairs since ten, but we didn’t have the heart to disturb you.  You looked so beautiful and peaceful lying there.”

 

“Oh no John!” her face fell, “Mike’s busy, you should have woken me!”

 

“Don’t worry Doc,” he said lightly, his fingers linking with hers, “he’s perfectly happy, Lucie is keeping him well occupied.  And he was just as eager as I was to let you get some sleep.  Especially after he gave me the third degree about upsetting you last night.”

 

“You told him?” she was wide-awake now and she struggled to push herself up against the pillows.

“Well, that nanny of yours made it a little difficult for me to avoid it.”  He didn’t look quite so happy as he told her how Lucie had been more than eager to tell Mike about the shouting she had heard and how Eugene had moved out in the middle of the night.  “Doc I don’t know if I trust that girl.  She seems to make it her business to tell everybody our business.”

 

“Mike isn’t everybody,” she leaned her head on one side.  “And she *is* dating him.  I think she’s just young John.  She needs to learn some discretion, sure, but I don’t think you need to worry about trusting her.  I think she’s harmless.”

 

“I’m sorry Doc,” he shook her head.  The last thing Lucie struck him as was young and innocent.  He couldn’t quite pin his finger on exactly what it was, but there was something about her that set his nerves on edge, and he found himself on guard whenever she was around.  “I’m afraid I’m not that sure that she *is* that harmless.”

 

“I think you’re paranoid,” she laughed, easing his mood with a simple squeeze of the hand.  “But if you insist, I promise I’ll keep an eye on her, okay?”

 

“Good,” he grinned and handed her the mug of tea.  “I’ll go and get Mike to come and check you over now if you like.”

 

“I wouldn’t say *like* was the right word,” she raised her brows, “but I guess if I have to…”

 

“You have to,” he bit back his smile, “don’t you even think about backing out now, Evans.”

 

“Is that a threat Black?” she looked amused as he leaned close.

 

“Why, would you like it to be?” he asked suggestively, his smile blossoming as he raised her hand back over her head, holding it against the padded headboard above her.

 

“I’d like to think of it as more of a promise,” she felt her heart fluttering at the feeling of his breath, warm against her skin.  The sensation quickly shimmered into desire as his lips brushed along the line of her jaw and she moaned softly.

 

“All right, enough of the sweet talk, you two,” Lucie’s melodic southern drawl interrupted them, “Dr. Mike has work to do you know.”

 

John grinned at the tiny groan of frustration that issued from Marlena’s throat as he released her hand and sat back.

 

“Come on in, Mike.  She says she’s feeling better.”  He beckoned to Mike who entered the bedroom as Lucie disappeared to do whatever it was that she had to do.

“Well, I would certainly hope so,” Mike set his bag beside the bed and raised his eyebrows pointedly.  “I hear you’ve not been sticking to my orders Dr. Evans.”

 

“Oh Mike, it was kind of unavoidable,” she replied blandly, not willing to go into the whys and wherefores of what had happened last night.  “But I think that in the long run it was for the best.”

 

“Well, if you’ll let me check you over, I’ll judge that for myself I think,” Mike sat on the edge of the bed that John had just vacated and picked up Marlena’s hand, locating her pulse with a practiced hand.

 

“You know it wasn’t that much of a big deal,” Marlena said defensively, filling in the awkward silence as he nodded at his watch.  “And I’m fine now…”

 

“That’s not the point Marlena,” Mike wrapped the vecroed cuff around her upper arm and inflated it with rapid squeezes as he pressed his stethoscope to the inside of her elbow.  “And it didn’t sound like nothing to me.  By all accounts it was quite a fight.  Must have been if Eugene left.”

 

“That wasn’t the reason he left,” she frowned.  “And besides, sometimes these things just happen.  We didn’t plan on it you know.”

 

“I know,” Mike released the valve slightly, letting the air seep out, reading the pressure as he did.  “I just wish you’d take some advice now and then Marlena.  I just want to make sure you and the baby are all right.  And stay that way,” he added sharply.

 

“We know you do, and it won’t happen again Mike,” John climbed onto the other side of the bed and took Marlena’s hand.  “We’ve sorted it out now.”

 

“Good,” Mike ripped the velcro open and pulled the cuff from her arm before removing the stethoscope from his ears and hanging it around his neck.  “Your blood pressure is still a little higher than I would like though.  I don’t suppose you’d consider…”

 

“Mike, if it makes you happy, I’ll go and have a checkup with Dr. Robbins,” Marlena rubbed her arm briskly, “but I am *not* booking into the hospital for tests.  That would be more stress than I could handle.”

 

“All right, but you have to promise to go….” he looked at her for a moment and then smiled slyly as he held his hand up.

 

“Wha-” she watched him pick up the phone and dial.

 

“Hi, this is Mike Horton, I’d like to make an appointment for one of Dr. Robbins patients at the earliest opportunity.”  He grinned as she made an indignant noise, crossing her arms in front of her.  “That’s right, Marlena Evans.  She had a little fainting spell yesterday afternoon and she had some pains so I ‘d appreciate it if David could see her this afternoon.  Mmmmm-hmmm,” he nodded, “yes her blood pressure is a little higher than I feel comfortable with but,” he fixed an eye on Marlena, “she refuses to go to the hospital so I’m compromising.”  He laughed in response to a comment on the other end of the line.  “Most doctors are bad, but she’s one of the worst.”

 

“Hey!” Marlena interrupted, her teasing colored by a hint of annoyance.  “You’re supposed to be nice to me remember?  No stress?  Doctor’s orders?”

 

“All right,” he nodded, ignoring her.  “Two o’clock, that sounds great.  Thanks very much.”

 

He rang off and looked at Marlena with a quietly triumphant air.  “No excuses all right?”

 

“All right,” she rolled her eyes.  “Honestly Mike, you’re worse than a mother hen.”

 

“After all the drama I have been through over these babies, I want to make sure that they are born safe and healthy,” Mike told her, with more than a little seriousness in his manner.  “And speaking of which.  John, I’m not sure how comfortable I am keeping Kristen sedated.  Short term it’s reasonably safe but I don’t want to risk it for too long.”

 

“Do you think keeping her under sedation would be more dangerous than she could be to herself, or others in that state of mind?” John asked pointedly, squeezing Marlena’s hand in a gesture of comfort, as much for himself as for her.

 

“I would hope that she would calm down a bit once she comes out to,” Mike replied reasonably as he dropped his stethoscope into his bag.

 

“Mike, she’s totally unhinged.  You really think she is capable of calming down?”  John shook his head, recalling Kristen’s ranting the other night.  “The only hope we would have been that she might fool herself into believing none of it happened.  But I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

 

“What exactly did happen?” Marlena asked quietly, her heart pounding in her chest as she listened to the exchange between Mike and John.  “You’ve avoided telling me, but I think I would like to know what happened.  This is my baby too and I’d like to know what’s going on.”

 

“It was messy Doc,” John knew that in part she was testing him.  Total honestly, she had said.  And he couldn’t pick and choose what to tell her.  Not now.  “Kristen had trashed my room when I got back there.  She’d totally destroyed my pictures of you and Belle.”  He glanced at Mike, halfway expecting him to try and stop the tale, but the young man was watching Marlena.  “She accused me of being with you and when I tried to tell her I hadn’t been, she flew into a total rage.”  He let out a shaky breath and looked down at the elegant hand that was entwined with his big, clumsy one.

“Go on,” she prompted gently.

 

“She saw the bruises,” he choked as he remembered the look on Kristen’s face as her fears were confirmed, like all the pieces had locked into place and the solution was irrefutable.  “The ones from….” his eyes flicked in Mike’s direction.

 

“The sofa,” Marlena murmured.  She remembered the spontaneous lovemaking only too well and she still bore the marks wrought by John’s mouth.

 

“Yeah,” he nodded, the adrenaline spiraling through his veins, cooling even the tips of his fingers.  “Well, that was all she needed and she went for me, screaming like she was absolutely demented.”

 

“She attacked you?” Marlena was shocked and she reached out her hand to lay it against his chest, “why didn’t you tell me this before?”

 

“Because she didn’t just attack me,” he told her softly, “she threatened *you*.  And that was what really scared me.  And that’s why I’m frightened that she’ll come around from the sedation in exactly the same frame of mind.  Because Doc, quite honestly, I think she’s capable of just about anything.”

 

 

“You really think she would try and hurt me…?” Marlena’s voice wavered as she tried to process the information.  But why *wouldn’t* Kristen try and hurt her?  The woman was devoid of morals, and she would do anything to ensure she got what she wanted.  And if she was as far down the path of insanity as John was saying, then she was unlikely to stop short of murder to get what she wanted. 

 

Marlena had seen it again and again in her practice, and she had seen it at a more personal and frightening level with Stella Lombard.  When someone lost their grip on reality, consequences no longer existed; and that gave them enormous scope to play out whatever evil occurred to them.  That Kristen was Stefano’s daughter, made it all the more likely.

 

“Don’t worry baby,” John folded his arm around her soothingly.  “I promise you that she won’t ever come near you.  I’ll make sure of that.”

 

“I know you will,” she did feel safe and protected with John at her side, but the reality was, he was talking short term.  And she knew only too well that obsessions were often unending.  Shivering, she turned to Mike.  “What happens if you reduce the dosage, and she comes to as psychotic as she went under?”

 

“I suppose we could put her in the psych ward at University Hospital,” he shrugged.  “Until she’s had the baby.”

 

“Don’t you think she might try and harm the child to get John’s attention?” she asked, her mind going into overdrive.  “In cases where a delusion is torn away and the patient thinks all is lost, they may often try to harm themselves or destroy things close to them.  It’s a way of ensuring they can’t be ignored.”

 

“Well, what do you suggest Marlena?”  Mike was happy to admit that this wasn’t his area of expertise.  “I mean, as you rightly pointed out, it’s your child at stake here.”

 

“To be quite honest?” her eyes clouded as the options arranged themselves in her mind.  “If I wasn’t involved, I would suggest that you reduce the sedation gradually and for John to stay exclusively with Kristen until the baby is born.”

 

“No way Marlena!”  John shook his head firmly.  “That is not happening, that’s a fact.”

 

“That’s why I said if I wasn’t involved,” her smile was tempered by sadness.  “I wish I could say I could do this on my own, but I can’t.”  She looked back at Mike, despondency glimmering in her eyes.  “I need John here, at least some of the time.”

 

“Of course you do,” Mike nodded his understanding with a small smile.  “I don’t think anyone would blame you for that either.  But it still leaves us with the question of what we should do.”

 

“I think I have an idea…” John said slowly.  He had been running through the alternatives in his mind just as Marlena had.  And he had been feeling more and more devoid of hope as they had spoken, until a choice presented itself that he could not ignore. 

 

“Mike, can I trust you to make any decision you think is necessary to keep Kristen and the baby safe?” he asked carefully.

 

“Well of course you can John but…” Mike’s eyebrows met in confusion.

“Well with Stefano so close and the whole deal with Kristen,” John shrugged and turned to Marlena, “how do you feel about taking a business trip baby?”

 

“What?” she looked almost as baffled as Mike.

 

“The only way I can think of keeping you safe is getting you out of town all together.  When Kristen wakes up as far as she’s concerned, I’m on a business trip.  We can set it up to look legit and Mike here can keep an eye on her for us along with Maya.  If she looks like she’s going to do anything drastic, they can call us.”  He smoothed his hand gently over her rounded belly with a smile.  “In the meantime, this will buy us a little time together.  We can go alone or take the kids.  It’s your call.”

 

“But John, we can’t just leave town,” she argued weakly.  “Isn’t it a little naïve to think Kristen will just accept that?  If she knows about you and I, if she remembers that…. how are Maya and Mike supposed to cope with her?”  She pursed pale lips.  “And what about Carrie?  What about your job?  People will start asking questions if we both disappear together, don’t you think?”

 

“To be quite honest baby, I don’t care.”  He cupped her cheek in the curve of his large hand.  “I trust Mike and Maya to be able to cope with Kristen.  If she comes out of this sedation remembering, having me around might do more harm than good.  Perhaps staying out of the way until we know how she is going to be, is the best thing.”  His thumb stroked the curve of her cheek as his gaze melted into hers.  “I want to spend some time with you before this baby is born.  Just the two of us.  No Kristen, no Eugene and no Stefano.  I just want you all to myself.  And if that means I get to keep you safe at the same time then all the better.  Maybe it’s a little selfish of me, but right now it seems like the ideal solution.”

“It might not be a bad idea at that,” Mike chimed in.  “As long as we can stop people speculating that the two of you are together then if Kristen co-operates, she could probably even get out of the apartment and the truth would be relatively safe.”

 

“Well as far as anyone has to know, Marlena is just resting at home for a few days.”  John suggested.  “If the worst comes to the worst Lucie can tell them she had to visit her parents.  And I’ll go into work this afternoon and set it up with Nicole that I’m in NYC for business meetings.  Sami can know the truth of course and she can help maintain the façade.”

 

‘This is way too complicated,” Marlena sighed heavily.  “It’s bound to go wrong somewhere.”

”As long as Mike’s close by with the sedatives for Kristen, I think we’ll be fairly safe,” John reassured her easily.

 

“John, don’t you think-?”

 

“Uh-uh,” he shook his head, “no arguments thank you.  I’m going to go and arrange things now.” He unwrapped his arms from around her and rubbed her stomach gently.  “And *you*, Dr. Evans need to start packing.”

 

“But John-” Marlena remained unconvinced as her mind played through the myriad of things that could go wrong.  It seemed much too risky as far as she was concerned.

 

“No buts, Marlena,” he replied firmly.  “I will take care of everything.  I don’t want you to worry about it one little bit.  Mike agrees with me, don’t you Mike?” he raised his brows meaningfully and Mike nodded.

“I think this would be really good for you Marlena.  I think getting away for a few days, just the two of you, is exactly what you need.  In fact,” he grinned, “the doctor is ordering it.”

 

“There you go,” John laughed.  “You can’t argue now, can you?”

Marlena was more than a little annoyed as she looked at the two of them.  If she didn’t know better, she’d swear there was some kind of conspiracy going on here.  But, she supposed, as she thought about it a little more, if it was a conspiracy, it wasn’t a particularly bad one.  The idea of being alone with John for a few days was more than a little appealing. 

 

“Well, if you’re going to be like that,” a smile curled the corners of her lips upwards as she conceded the disagreement.  “Where are we going?”

 

“*That* remains for me to know and for you to find out,” he winked at her, aware of how much not knowing was going to drive her crazy.

 

“John!” her face fell, “how will I know what to pack?”

”You’ll just have to guess I suppose,” his mouth quirked into an amused smile, “it’s not like you don’t usually don’t take half your wardrobe anyway, Doc.”

 

“Hey!” She crossed her arms across her chest defensively, her expressive eyes conveying her mixture of exasperation and amusement.  “What is this, pick on Marlena day?”

 

“Yeah,” John laughed as he leaned over to kiss her. “Just pack what you feel comfortable in Doc.  If we need anything, we can always buy it.” 

 

Before Marlena could say anything else, both John and Mike were on their feet and saying goodbye.  Mike left and then John was telling her he would be back in time to take her to the appointment with Dr. Robbins.

 

“Just leave it to me Doc,” he repeated his earlier assurance.  “I’ll arrange it all.  You just relax okay?”

 

“Easy for you to say,” she grumbled as she reached out for the robe on the end of the bed.  “You know where we’re going.”

 

“The sooner you get packed, the sooner you’ll find out,” John leaned over and kissed her gently.  “Trust me okay?”

 

“Okay,” she sighed, resigned to the fact that she wasn’t going to get anything out of John until he was ready to tell her.  She pulled the robe on over her shoulders and then looked up at him.  “Hurry back?”

 

“You know I will,” he nodded with a gentle smile.  “As soon as I can, baby.”

 

“I love you,” she whispered, catching his hand as he turned to leave

.

“Oh sweetheart, I love you too,” he smiled happily, “and I just can’t *wait* until the day I can tell the whole world that fact.”

 

“Soon,” she whispered as she slipped her feet out of the bed and stood up.  She slid her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his.  “We’ll be able to do that soon.  And we’ll be a family, you and me and the children and we’ll spend the rest of our lives just loving each other and being happy.”

 

“That sounds just like heaven Doc,” he murmured with a grin that he knew looked absolutely idiotic.  But he didn’t care.  He was so in love with her that he didn’t care about anything except being with her.  Everything else seemed unimportant.  “That’s all I’ve ever wanted you know.”

 

“I know,” she smiled and brushed his lips with a gentle kiss.  “Now you’d better go, because I have some packing to do.”

 

“All right then.”  Now it was actually time to go, he found himself more than reluctant to leave her alone.  But he had no choice.  He had to move, and he had to do it fast.  There was too much to do to waste any time.  As he had said to her earlier, the sooner he got started, the sooner he would be back here. 

 

“I love you Doc,” he whispered again as he kissed her forehead.  “I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 121 – Cruisin’

 

 

True to his word, John had been back at the penthouse in time to pick Marlena up.  Along with her suitcases, which he made a great show of carrying to the elevator as though they were weighed down with bricks. 

 

They made it to the appointment with David Robbins slightly late, but were grateful to find that, just as Eugene had promised, nothing was wrong with the baby.  After a scan and a thorough examination, Dr. Robbins agreed with Mike’s assessment, that the scare was simply Marlena’s body telling her to slow down.  And he was more than happy to agree with the suggestion that they go away somewhere quiet and relaxing for a few days.  It would be beneficial both to the baby, and to Marlena’s peace of mind he told John, and it was just what he would have suggested had they not brought it up first.

 

After the appointment, John and Marlena walked out to the car, both of them highly aware that they mustn’t look anything more than good friends. They were careful to keep their distance until they made it to the Jeep when John softly brushed Marlena’s hand with a secretive smile.

 

“What are you up to?” Marlena asked curiously as John opened the door of the jeep and helped her climb up into the comfortable passenger’s seat.

 

“Oh,” he winked at her, his mouth sweeping into a wide smile.  “You’ll find out.”

 

“John!” she wailed in exasperation.  She was getting incredibly annoyed with his smug enjoyment of the situation, but the more she showed her irritation, the more he would revel in it.  The best thing to do was just to stay calm and try and trick him into giving it up.  It wasn’t like she wasn’t capable of it.  John wasn’t exactly strong when it came to matters of the flesh, after all.

 

“Never mind Doc,” he climbed into the seat next to her.  “It’ll all be revealed soon enough.”

 

“How soon is soon enough?” she curled her fingers around his lower thigh and began to work them upwards over the thick denim.  “I don’t know how long I can wait to find out.”  Her voice was warm and seductive and John was amazed by how fast she could reduce him to quivering disarray.

 

“Soon *enough*,” he repeated firmly after clearing his throat and he deliberately lifted her hand from his leg and placed it back on her side of the car.

 

“You’re no fun,” she pouted softly as he started up the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

 

“You wanna tell me that again in about six hours?” John grinned.

 

“You’re incorrigible,” she couldn’t help smiling, his mood was so infectious.

 

“I’ll bet you say that to all the boys,’ John teased her as he swung around over the off ramp that headed for the interstate.

 

“John?” Marlena looked at the signs that they were hurtling past.  “John, please tell me where we’re going?”

 

“On our trip.”  He replied blandly but he couldn’t keep the laughter from his voice as she slapped his arm frustratedly.

 

“You are *so* not fair,” she crossed her arms across the top of her extended belly.  “I’m not supposed to be under any stress remember?”

 

“Nice try Doc,” he leaned over and switched on the radio, the soft music swelling through the car.  “Why don’t you just sit back, relax and enjoy the scenery?  Surely that can’t be too stressful.”

 

She looked over at him for a moment, her eyes flashing olive green as she regarded him.

“Impossible,” she murmured eventually.  “Absolutely impossible.”

 

It wasn’t that much later that John turned around to find Marlena dozing, her golden hair half-falling over her face.  It was what he had been counting on.  Her pregnancy, combined with the emotional stress and being up for half the night, was more than likely to take its toll and he had been hoping she would sleep during the drive.  He brushed the hair away from her face with a tender smile and then drew his fingers over her rounded belly.

 

“You have a wonderful mommy little baby,” he smiled ruefully, “a wonderful, sweet, gentle mommy.  You are one lucky kid.”  As though in response, the baby squirmed comfortably beneath his hand, and he chuckled lightly.  “You got that right kid; you got that right.”

 

 

******

 

 

Roman eased himself onto the bench next to Eugene and cast his eye over where Belle and Brady were playing on the swings.

 

“I take it John got hold of you?” he murmured.

 

“Yeah,” Q nodded, the headache pounding painfully somewhere inside his forehead.

 

“So, what happened?” Roman leaned back, sliding both of his arms along the back of the bench, still watching the children with a fatherly eye.

 

“Happened?” Eugene wasn’t at all sure he wanted to talk about this, and his first thought was to play dumb.

 

“The two of them, going away together?  John not knowing how to get hold of you?” Roman pursed his lips.  “That wasn’t supposed to be how the play goes is it?”

 

Q was silent for a moment, watching Brady jump off the swing and push Belle, her golden hair glinting in the sun in a way that reminded him wrenchingly of Marlena.

 

“It wasn’t working,” he answered eventually.  “It was just…. too complicated.”

 

Roman looked over at him curiously, seeing the lines etched around dark eyes that stared out of a pale, drawn face.

 

“You’ve got it bad for her, haven’t you?” there was no answer as Q frowned pensively.  “I know the signs.” Roman added with a sigh.  “So, you moved out?”

 

“Last night,” Q nodded, folding his arms stiffly.  “We,” he stared at the children, trying to ignore the stinging of his eyes.  “We fought.  She and John fought.”  He shook his head defeatedly.  “It was just a huge mess, Roman.”  He looked up at Marlena’s ex-husband with haunted eyes.  “I can’t stop loving her.  Just because I can’t have her doesn’t mean I can just stop wanting her or loving her.”

 

“If you ever figure out how to stop, you’ll be a lucky man,” Roman murmured quietly.  “So, she and John were fighting too?”

 

“John was still angry at her for being with me,” Q sighed and sat back again.  “And of course Marlena blamed herself for everything under the sun.”

 

“Of course,” Roman nodded his head before delving fingers through his curly hair. 

 

Typical John.  Nothing was ever good enough for him.  It wasn’t just good enough that Marlena wanted him back.  No, she had to have been faithful to him when they were apart, even when he was off making whoopee with G*d knows who.  He would never understand what Marlena saw in the guy.  But unfortunately, John was who she wanted, so that was the way it had to be.

 

“So, John wanted you to go?”

 

“No actually, he was the one that wanted me to stay,” Q cocked his head on one side, examining the irony of that statement.  “*She* thought it was best if I left.”

 

“Can’t imagine *you* wanted to stay,” Roman commented.  The thought of living in the same house as Marlena and her lover held less than zero appeal for him too and he couldn’t exactly blame Eugene for wanting to get out.  “So, what about Kristen?”

 

“Well, they’re going away while Kristen comes out of the sedation.  John’s ‘business trip’ is supposed to be fortuitous timing.”

 

“You think she’ll buy that?” Roman looked a little surprised.  “Seems awfully chancy to me.”

 

“Probably less chancy than Marlena staying in that penthouse by herself,” Gene pointed out.  “With Stefano on the loose and Kristen rightly suspecting that John is dallying with Marlena…..”

 

“She’d be a sitting duck,” Roman finished for him with a nod.  “Point taken.  Probably best that they get away then.”

 

“John and Marlena?” the feminine voice came from behind them, and Roman’s heart sank.  “Did I just hear you say that John and Marlena are going away together?”  Laura Horton watched two sets of eyes turn on her guiltily.  “I *did*!”  A smile graced her face as she moved around to the front of the bench and perched herself on the edge next to Roman.  “So, tell me what’s going on then.”

 

 

******

 

 

“So,” Stefano stared into the distance, his thick fingers resting on the back of the chair.  “John and Marlena have gone away together.” His eyes dropped, refocusing on the attractive woman in the armchair opposite.  She was petting a languidly purring Persian cat, a calculating smile curling her lips.  “Do you know where?”

 

“No,” the woman looked up.  “He didn’t say.   It was supposed to be a surprise.”

 

“Contact?” Stefano arched thick, dark brows.

 

“He has his cell phone.  He said to call him on that in the case of any problems.”

 

“And Kristen?” Stefano’s countenance darkened as he considered his beloved daughter.  He was torn between revealing himself to her and accomplishing the unfolding of his plans as he had intended.  Given what he knew of Kristen’s situation at the moment, it could be risky to say the least.

 

“She suspects it seems,” the young woman ran a well-manicured nail through the fur on the cat’s head and its purr deepened.  “She’s sedated at the moment, but Dr. Horton plans to wean her off the sedatives.  They’re hoping she will have forgotten what happened.”

 

“Is that likely?”  Stefano’s lips were pursed, white with anger.  Kristen was his daughter and she was suffering because of John Black.  As she had suffered for how many years now?  How could he stand by and watch the man destroy the lives of those he loved?  He had already destroyed Tony’s; Stefano would not let him take Kristen too.  Or Marlena.

 

“Don’t know,” she shrugged her shoulders.  “She’s your daughter, Stefano.”

 

“Yes.”  The word rolled sibilantly off his tongue like it was that of a snake.  “Yes, she is.”  He regarded his companion silently for a moment.  “Can you find out where they are?”

 

“John and Marlena?” she clarified.  “Maybe.  If I wanted to.”

 

“And what if *I* wanted you to?”  His voice was low but carried the unmistakable hint of a threat.

 

“Well, since you need me as much as I need you Stefano,” she shrugged again, quite nonchalantly.  “I would hope if you did, you might ask a little more…. *nicely*.”

 

Stefano said nothing, but bared his teeth in a chilling smile.   A semblance of laughter shook him as he looked at her.

 

“You are right of course.  Please forgive my manners.”

 

“Of course,” she nodded gracefully as she gave the feline in her lap one final stroke before letting it jump off her lap.  Standing up, she smoothed the short black skirt over her tanned legs.

 

“You’ll keep me informed?” Stefano held out his hand.

 

“Don’t I always?” she returned flirtatiously as she placed her hand in his.  He leaned over and pressed his lips to the cool skin before straightening.

 

“Always.”  He smiled knowingly as she turned to leave.  “Always my dear.”

 

 

******

 

 

“I knew it!” Laura grinned happily.  “That night at the pub, I just knew there was more going on that you were all telling.  John and Marlena….” she sighed with a contented smile before she looked up at the two men.  “The baby is John’s, I take it?”

 

“Yes,” Eugene nodded, a touch of sadness clouding his eyes.  “When John found out, he assumed it was mine and Marlena was too angry at the time to tell him otherwise.  And then with Kristen being so unstable….”

 

“Oh, I’m so happy for her,” Laura raised her shoulders in an expression of joy and then dropped them. “Mike knows, doesn’t he?  No wonder he was being so secretive.”  She followed it through in her mind.  “I guess it’s a difficult situation with Kristen.”

 

“More difficult than you know Laura,” Roman looked concerned, “which is why you have to promise not to tell *anyone* about this.  Not Alice, not anyone.”

 

“Who does know?” Laura asked carefully.

 

“Apart from us and Mike?” Roman thought about it for a moment.  “Sami knows.  Trudie knows some of it.”

 

“Maya, the nurse that John hired to look after Kristen knows that John is with Marlena,” Q added as he looked back at where the children scurried around the playground, “and so does his assistant Nicole.”

 

“And of course, Marlena’s nanny Lucie knows pretty much what is going on.”  Roman finished the list.

 

“Ah yes, Lucie,” Laura looked speculative.  “Interesting girl.”

 

“I don’t know if that’s quite the adjective I’d use,” Q said tightly as he pushed himself off the bench.  He crossed his arms across his chest and began to pace irritably.

 

“Mike seems to find her quite fascinating,” Laura’s voice held mild amusement.  “But you don’t need to worry about me, I won’t tell a soul.”

 

“Thanks Laura,” Roman sat back against the bench.  “It’s messy enough as it is.”

 

“So where does all this leave you Eugene?” Laura asked gently.  She knew how much the man loved Marlena.  It was obvious simply from the way that he couldn’t keep his eyes off her.  He adored her and this had to be hell on him. 

 

“Without a place to live, as of last night,” Q cast his eyes back over the playground, catching sight of a delighted Belle as she patted a puppy that had come up to her.  His heart lurched quite unexpectedly as he was reminded again of just how much he had lost when he had walked out of the penthouse last night.  He frowned broodingly as he revised his thought.  Her hadn’t lost anything because it had never been his to begin with.  He had only tried to kid himself for a time that they were.  “I booked into the Salem Inn this morning until I find a place.”

 

“What did you do till then?” Roman asked sympathetically watching his old friend as he struggled with his emotions.  Eugene wasn’t exactly the same man he had known, but he still knew him well enough to see the pain that was fleetingly in his eyes before he managed to hide it.

 

“Sat by the lake,” Q sighed as he sank back down to the bench, dropping his head into his hands dejectedly.  “Did a lot of thinking.  Not that it really got me anywhere.”

 

“I’m sorry Eugene,” Laura said gently, “I really am.”

 

“Thanks Dr. Horton,” Q acknowledged her kind words with a nod.  “But I’m probably not deserving of too much compassion.  I knew what I was getting myself into.  And I made some bad mistakes.”

 

“Eugene, if no one made mistakes, I’d be out of a job,” her voice was warm and caring and he found himself quite touched by her empathy.  “Whatever happened, you’re still hurting and I’m sorry for that.  You’re a good man and you deserve happiness.”

 

Eugene turned around to look at her, surprise gracing his face.  No one but Marlena had said that to him for….. for more years than he could care to remember.  You’re a good man.  Most of the time they just told him he was a nuisance.  A troublemaker.  *No* good.

 

“Thank you,” he said humbly.  “That means a lot to me.”

 

“Tell you what,” she leaned across Roman and put a hand on Eugene’s knee.  “With Jennifer and Jack away on their travels, there’s a spare room in the house.  You’d have to put up with Mike and me, but if you would like to come and stay, we’d love to have you.”

Q blinked, surprised for the second time in as many minutes.

 

“You want me to stay with you?” he asked, trying to confirm what he thought he had just heard.

 

“Sure, why not?” she drew back, a smile wide on her face.  “I’m sure Marlena would like to know that you are staying with someone she knows, and it keeps you just that little bit closer to everything that’s going on.”  She shrugged.  “Of course, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

 

“Well, that’s not it at all,” Gene shook his head, “it’s just that….. well, you barely know me. I don’t understand why you would want me to stay in your house.”

 

“Eugene, Marlena is my friend.  And I know you are a good friend to her as she’s been a good friend to me.  This is a little way of repaying her kindness.”  She leaned her head on one side.  “But besides that, she cares about you a lot and she has never had anything but good things to say about you ever since I have known her.  Marlena’s a good judge of character and if you’re her friend, then you’re my friend.”  Her smile danced in her green eyes.  “And I just happen to like you anyway, even if I don’t know you that well.”  She held out her hand to him.  “So, what do you say?  Will you come and be my houseguest?”

 

“Sounds like a deal you can’t pass up Eugene,” Roman laughed.  “Pretty woman offering you a bed.  You can’t turn that down.”

“I guess not,” Q took Laura’s hand in his and shook it with a widening smile.  “I’d be honored to be your houseguest Dr. Horton.”

 

“Well, if you’re going to be living with me, we’d better get one thing straight right away,” Laura’s face took on a serious tone for a moment and then dissolved back into a smile.  “My name isn’t Dr. Horton, it’s Laura.”

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena’s eyes fluttered open slowly, and she rolled her head reflexively as she was assaulted by the glare of the setting sun.

 

“Well hello sleepyhead,” John glanced over at her with a tender smile.  She looked absolutely adorable with her hair all mussed up and her cheeks reddened with the warmth of the sun.  “I was wondering when you were going to wake up.”

 

“Mmmmmm,” she brushed the hair out of her eyes with the back of her hand.  “How long have I been asleep?”

 

“Several hours,” the corner of his mouth twitched upwards as he looked at the road ahead of him.

 

“*Hours?*” she repeated him as though the idea was patently absurd.

 

“Hours,” he grinned as she quickly checked her watch.  “You were tired Doc, you needed it.”

 

“Obviously,” she settled back against the seat and looked out of the window at the scenery which passed by fleetingly.  “So where are we?”

 

“In the middle of nowhere,” John replied non-committally.

 

“Well, we must be in the middle of *somewhere*,” she replied like he was an idiot, “because look, there’s bushes and trees out there.”

 

“Well, I guess I can’t fool you for a minute Doc,” he laughed.  “It’s true that we’re not in Arizona.”

 

“Have I told you lately that you’re a pain in the neck?” she asked, her face utterly serious.

 

“It may have cropped up in conversation,” John grinned, enjoying the relaxed banter.  It was a long time since it had felt this easy between them and he intended to relish every moment of this trip.

 

Marlena fell silent as she watched the landscape around her.  The sun was sinking rapidly towards the horizon, its echo painting the sky with streaks of pink and bronze as the fields around them emerged golden with the last rays of the summer evening.

 

“It’s so pretty,” she sighed contentedly.  It seemed the further they got away from Salem, in whatever direction they were going, the more her stress seemed to fall away.  Maybe it was just that they were leaving all the problems behind.  Kristen.  Gene.  The past.  Even the future wasn’t a consideration right now.  All that she was aware of was the present.  And John, and how right it felt to be here with him right now.  She didn’t think she could get any happier.

 

“*You’re* so pretty,” John reached over and covered one of her hands with his.  “I should tell you that every day.  How incredibly beautiful you are and how much I love you and how lucky I am to have you in my life….”

 

“I think you do,” she loosened her fingers so that his slid easily between them.  “Tell me every day I mean.”

 

“Well, I don’t want you forgetting it okay?”  Her hand was warm in his and it felt familiar and good.  “I don’t want either of us to ever have to go through any of this heartache again.”

 

“Neither do I,” she said softly.  “And that’s why it won’t happen.  We know better than that now.”

 

“Well yeah,” he nodded with a smile, “except I’m still trying to work out what an incredible woman like you sees in a working slob like me.”

 

“I already told you that.”  She squeezed his hand, all her love for him concentrating in that single, magical touch.  “I love so many things about you I couldn’t list them all.  I love your humanity, your loyalty, your need to do the right thing.  I love the way you love our children.”  Her voice became velvety as he loosened his fingers and spread them over her belly.  “I love the way you love Roman’s children as if they were your own.  I love the way you touch me, physically and emotionally.  I love your values and your honesty and your integrity.”  She gazed at him, her eyes shining.  “Like I said, there are just too many things to list.”

 

John couldn’t say anything for a moment.  Sometimes when she talked to him, when she expressed herself so unselfconsciously, he was blown away by the depth of her love for him.  To him, loving her was as natural as breathing.  She was the sun that he orbited around.  She always had been, and she always would be.  But to know that she felt the same kind of passion for him was truly humbling.  And it made him realize that he was indeed the luckiest man that walked the face of the earth.

 

“Oh,” the sparkle in her eyes brightened as her smile was tinged with mischief.  “And your body.  I love your body.  Can’t forget that.”

 

“Of course,” he felt the small stirring inside her that was their child and the swell of emotion he felt suddenly intensified.  Sometimes it was painful to realize that the only real regret in his life was losing too much time with the woman he loved through his own weakness.

 

“Hey,” she interrupted his thoughts, gently brushing her thumb across his cheek.  “Why so serious?”

 

“I…” he shook his head, making an effort to lose the frown and relax again.  “Nothing important Doc.”

 

“If it upsets you then it’s important to me,” she told him, dropping her hand to his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.  “Tell me what it is.”

 

“I…. I just wish I hadn’t wasted all that time.  Time we should have been together.”  He shook his head, fixing his blue-gray eyes on the road ahead.  His voice was gravelly as he continued.  “All that time, when you were unhappy and alone.  I should have *known* Doc.  If I had only known…”

 

“John,” she interrupted firmly, not allowing him the chance to carry on.  “It’s not your fault.  I did my very best not to let you know how I felt.  I didn’t want you to know.”

 

“But Doc that was only because you thought I was happy.  If I hadn’t-”

 

“John, it’s the past.”  She shook her head.  “You keep telling me that I can’t beat myself up over things that are done and gone.  Well, that’s done and gone.  We’ve learnt our lessons.”  She slid her hand carefully down his arm to his hand, which still rested against her stomach.  She let him digest her words and then she continued.  “Let’s focus on what we have now and making the most of the wonderful chance we have.  Okay, so we lost a couple of years we might have had, but we have the rest of our lives together.  *That’s* what’s important.  Not what we could have had.  What we do have and what we will have.”

John allowed himself a rueful smile as he glanced at her.

 

“There’s not much feeling sorry for myself when you’re around is there Doc,” he teased her.  “How did you get to be so wise anyway?”

 

“I’ve been lucky,” her voice was throaty and emotional.  “I’ve had second chances that have taught me how precious life is.  And I’ve had the fortune to have three beautiful children that love me, as well as Carrie and Brady who I thank God for bringing into my life every day.  And now I’m going to be blessed with two more angels.”  She pressed her hand flat over John’s where it touched her belly, her eyes glistening.  “And I have you loving me.  Wanting to share my life.  I have so much to be thankful for that I don’t have time to dwell on the past or what might have been.  Why would I want to waste time doing that?”

 

“You shouldn’t,” he lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to the warm skin.  “You’re right.  We have more than enough to be happy for.  And I am happy, Doc.  I’m beyond happy.”

 

“It’s only going to get better,” she told him.  “There will be bad times but we can get through those.  The good times though….”

 

“They’re going to be the best,” he finished for her.  “Always the very best.”

 

“Yes,” she curled her fingers around his and glanced at the road that stretched out before them.  “Nothing but the best.” 

 

It took a moment before the sign they passed registered, and she looked at John, the smile that seemed to be a permanent fixture at the moment only widening as it hit her.

 

“John?”  His answering smile was all she needed.  “West Virginia?  We’re holidaying in West Virginia?”

 

“Well, can you think of a better place to start our new life together?” John asked as he headed towards the interstate exit.  “West Virginia is where we began, baby, I’d like to make our new start here too.  Except this time, I’m plain old John Black,” he looked over at her, azure eyes ringed with indigo, “and you are free to make a commitment to me.  I want that commitment to start tonight.  In the place where we started this thing between us all those years ago.”

 

Marlena said nothing for a moment, just stared at the darkening landscape as it passed her by.

 

“You’re not upset are you Doc?” he asked suddenly, afraid that this has brought back bad memories rather than good ones.

“Oh no,” she turned to him with a swift shake of her head, tears shimmering on her lashes.  “Not at all.  I think it is the sweetest most romantic idea…..  I love it.”

 

Leaning over, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

 

“There’s nowhere on earth I would rather be than with you, right here.  It’s perfect.”

”Good,” he gave a sigh of relief.  “You had me worried there for a moment.”  He looked at her, golden eyes glowing with the remainder of the sun.  “I just want you to be happy Doc.”

 

“I am happy,” she nodded in such a way that John was left with no doubt as to the truth of her words.  “You make me so happy.”

 

“Nowhere near as happy as you make me baby,” he whispered softly as he turned onto the road that would take them to their cabin and their few days of absolute bliss.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 122 – Engaging Conversation

 

 

They arrived at the cabin to find it small and simple, not unlike the one owned by the Hortons on Smith Island.  John opened the door and Marlena looked around the interior of the cabin with a smile on her face.  He set down the bags, telling her that the place was owned by a friend of Nicki’s and Marlena took the time to walk around the small building, drawing her hand along textured surfaces, using every sense to take in the aura of the place. 

 

Despite its simplicity and remoteness, the cabin was comfortably furnished, and it had an ambiance that she found herself immediately falling in love with.  She knew that it was the ideal place to relax and get away from the stressful realities of their lives and get acquainted with each other again.  And that was something they were going to do more than happily.

 

 

They slept late the next morning, happy to lie in each other’s arms and simply enjoy being together with no distractions or reasons to rush away for either of them.  Finally, they made it out of bed and John cooked Marlena a late brunch with the supplies that he had brought with him.  Then, late in the afternoon, he packed a picnic basket and took the biography that Marlena was engrossed in out of her hands.  She reached for the book, the elegant gold cipher on the cover flashing in the sunlight but John was too fast for her, and he tossed it on the table out of her grasp.

 

“C’mon beautiful,” he said with a smile, “there’s time for Judy later.  Right now, we’re going out.”

 

“Where?” she asked, dubiously eyeing the blanket he had tucked under one arm.

 

“For a picnic,” John answered evasively.

 

“Well, I can see that,” she accepted his hand to help her up as she used her other to support her back.  “But where is this picnic?”

 

“You’ll find out soon enough,” his blue eyes sparkled, a similar color to the sunshine-drenched sky outside, “but I do think you should put on some good walking shoes.  And bring a warm jacket,” he added mischievously.

 

“I’m not going tramping around the wilderness in this state!” Marlena protested immediately as she laid her hands protectively over her stomach.

 

“No tramping Doc,” he laughed.  “Just a gentle walk.”  She still looked doubtful despite his reassurance, and he caught her hand in his.  “A short walk, okay?  Just trust me baby.”

 

“All right,” she nodded eventually with her own impish grin, “I’ll put our lives in your hands.”

 

“Don’t pull any punches do you Doc?” Fishing the keys out of his pocket, he handed them to her.  “I’ll be right out after you.”

 

“We’re taking the car?” she asked, a little surprised.

 

“Unless you do want to do that tramp you were talking about, yeah,” he nodded.  “We just walk the last few minutes, that’s all.”

“Oh, okay then,” she took the keys and looked around for her shoes, which were hiding under the kitchen table.  Slipping her feet into them, she leaned over to do up the laces.  She managed to get one set finished but she was forced to straighten up with a groan of pain as the baby meted out one of its well-aimed kicks.

 

“I don’t ever remember Belle being this brutal,” she said breathlessly as she rubbed her side, which was now quite tender.

 

“That’s because Belle takes after her Daddy.”  John kneeled down in front of her and tied her other lace with a big smile on his face.  “You know, gentle and placid…”

 

“Oh please!” she laughed, “I think *this* kid is taking after you, argumentative and unable to sit still for five minutes.”

 

“Hey, that sounds more like a description of *you* Doc,” he helped her up again and laid her hands over her belly.  “Stubborn, argumentative, always knows best.”

 

“Oh you-” she was cut off as the baby stretched again, creating small, moving mounds under her skin.

 

“Hey,” John smiled in wonderment as he felt his baby moving under his touch.  He looked up at her, his expressive blue eyes conveying the profound joy that he felt at knowing the woman he loved carried the child they had created together.  It was quite something to John and he wasn’t afraid to express it.  But somehow, words were never enough to tell her just how much he loved and adored her.  He just hoped she understood anyway.  “It’s amazing, isn’t it?” he whispered. “The whole idea that we’ve created a *life*.  That soon we’ll have two more children to clothe and feed and love.  Two more babies to hold in our arms and smell their baby smell and rock to sleep…”  He lifted his hand and touched gentle fingers to her smooth cheek.  “Have I told you lately how much I love you and what a wonderful woman you are?”  Marlena nodded her head slightly and he beamed.  “Good.  Because there’s no one else in the world I would rather be with, than you, here, right now.  And there’s no one else that I could even imagine spending the rest of my life with.  I can’t wait to grow old with you and watch our children and grandchildren grow up.”

“Hey now, don’t put me in a walking frame quite yet,” Marlena laughed.  “I would quite like to have this baby first before I start thinking about it growing up and having children of its own.”

 

“I do love you Marlena,” John became serious.  “I don’t know if I tell you that enough.”

 

“Well, I never get tired of hearing it,” she admitted with a gentle smile.  “I love you too.”  The corners of her smile quirked upwards and her eyes twinkled.  And there is no one else I would rather share my walker with than you baby.”

 

“That’s my girl,” he chuckled.  “C’mon, let’s go before you die of starvation.”

 

The drive wasn’t that far, but Marlena noticed that they were definitely headed upwards and when John parked the car, there was a fairly good view of the surrounding lushly verdant countryside.  Helping her out of the car, he handed her a couple of cushions and asked her to carry them for him.  Toting the picnic basket and blanket himself, they set out for the picnic spot.

 

“Oh my!”  Marlena shielded her eyes against the setting sun as she surveyed the panorama in front of her. They were in an open, sloping field that was perched on the side of the hill that rose above the cabin.  The valley lay below them, the river meandering along the floor, stained golden by the beginnings of what promised to be a spectacular sunset.  “It’s beautiful.  How did you know about this place?”  She turned to where John was laying out the blanket, crushing the fragrant grasses beneath his feet as he moved.

 

“Nicole has been out here, and she told me,” John walked over to her and slipped in behind her, folding his arms around her shoulders.  “It’s even more beautiful than she described.”

 

“It’s perfect,” Marlena breathed, relaxing against him. 

 

“You’re perfect,” he whispered into her hair, the heavy tresses fragrant with the citrus scent of her shampoo.  Marlena said nothing but allowed herself a contented smile as she let her eyes take in the vista spread before her.

 

“Okay pretty lady, would you like to come and sit down?” John loved the feeling of holding her in his arms, but he could do that just as easily on the blanket and it would certainly be better for Marlena.

 

“Mmmmm,” she couldn’t have looked or sounded more relaxed as he led her to the blanket and helped her to sit down. 

 

Taking off her jacket, Marlena leaned back against a cushion and watched the deepening sunset.  The golden threads that were woven across the sky were now deepening to rich amber, shot with highlights of rose.  The sky between them had darkened slightly and the effect was almost magical.

 

“Here,” John handed her a glass of grape juice and a plate with sandwiches on it.  “Sorry it’s not gourmet Doc but I didn’t exactly have a lot of time to get organized.”

 

“It’s wonderful honey,” she told him softly.  “It’s just perfect.”

 

“There are cheese and crackers too,” he pulled out a round of French Brie and waved it in front of her.  “And there’s dessert.”

 

“Oooh, dessert?” she raised her brows with an expectant smile.

 

“Well, you have to eat your dinner first you know,” he said teasingly as he moved close to her.  “You have to keep your strength up.”

 

“All right, Mom,” she rolled her eyes.  “You can stop fussing now.” 

 

“I’ll never stop fussing over you sweetheart,” his voice was low, and she could hear his sincerity in his words and feel it in the air between them. 

 

She didn’t doubt him.  She would never doubt anything he said to her because she could feel his love for her all the time.  She could feel it in the way he talked and the way he touched her, or even the way he looked at her, especially when he thought she wasn’t looking.  She felt blessed and incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful man loving her and caring for her.

 

“Life just doesn’t come any better than this,” she sighed as she leaned back against John.  He was warm and solid, and he smelt wonderful as he draped his arm around her shoulder.

 

“You’re right,” John agreed as he watched the sun sinking slowly behind coppery clouds.  “I think this is one of those perfect moments that I will always remember.”  He stopped to contemplate his words and then leaned his head on one side so that he could see her face.  “Do you have those moments, Doc?”

 

“Mmmmm, a few.”  She nodded, a nostalgic smile on her face.  “When they put DJ in my arms the first time.  And I felt the same way with Sami and Eric.”  She turned to look at him.  “When we walked through Stockholm in the moonlight.  And that night on the beach in Miami….  Right before we found Roman.  You kissed me….” She smiled almost bashfully.  “It was so unexpected, but it felt so *right*.  And I wanted you back so very badly.”

 

“I’m sorry Doc,” he brushed the hair from her face with clumsy fingers.  “I know that time was very hard for you.  If I could go back and change it…”

 

“But you can’t,” she shook her head, “didn’t we promise not to waste regret on the past?”

 

“I just….” he shook his head with a hint of sadness, “I just wasn’t very fair to you Doc.  I was…. it was so unexpected, and I didn’t want to hurt Isabella but my heart was telling me that I still loved you as deeply as I had all those years ago.  So, I tried very hard not to listen to what my heart was telling me.  And sometimes I would just forget because you are so very beautiful, and you get under a man’s skin so that he can never totally forget….” he laughed lightly as he listened to himself.  “I’m rambling, aren’t I?  Where were we?”

 

“You’re not rambling,” she leaned her head against him, feeling the roughness of the stubble that lined his cheek against her temple.  “We both tried very hard to forget.  We did the best we could.  But our love was too strong to ignore.” Her voice became husky as she recalled how devastating it had been to come to that conclusion.  “We learnt that lesson the hard way.  But it’s not all bad.  After all, we made vows to each other in front of God.  Vows that we meant and that our hearts never forgot.  That’s why we’re here now.”  She smiled again, tenderly as she looked up at him.  “When I married you.  When we made our vows to each other…. That was a very special, very perfect moment.”

 

“That was the highlight of my life,” John told her simply.  “And the only thing that will top it is when I say my vows to you in front of all our family and friends.  And our children,” he added happily.  “And I’ll say those vows as John Black, and we’ll really be married.  This time, everything will be perfect.”

 

“Married?” Marlena pushed away from him and turned around, blinking rapidly.  “Are you-”

 

“I was going to leave this until later,” he put down his glass and turned back to her.  “But somehow with this amazing sunset and us being here in West Virginia, talking about the past and the future, somehow it brings everything full circle.”  He levered himself up from his sitting position and got to his feet.  Reaching into the pocket of his jacket, he pulled out a small box and moved down so that he was on the slope below her.  And then, slowly, he knelt down on one knee.  Flushing pink in the sparkling sunset, Marlena looked up at him with tawny eyes that echoed the burning sun.

 

“Sweetheart, I know this is a little premature with everything we have to deal with, but I know what I want.  It’s what I’ve always wanted.”  He reached out and took her hand in his.  She trembled slightly as he rolled his thumb across the back of her hand, and he gripped the box tightly in front of him.  He didn’t think he had ever felt quite so nervous as he did at this moment, laying his hopes and dreams here at her feet in the deep golden twilight.  “I love you.  I’ve always loved you.  Doc, my heart is bound to yours and I never want to be anywhere but by your side.” 

 

He swallowed; his throat suddenly dry as he stumbled over his words.  “When I first saw you… there was something about you… something that spoke to my soul.  I think that’s why it was so easy to believe I was Roman, because I felt like I’d known you forever.  And because it meant that you were my wife, and there was nothing more I wanted in the world.”  He laughed lightly, shaking his head.  “I’m rambling again, aren’t I?”

“No,” Marlena’s voice was choked with emotion as she shook her head.  “No, you’re not.”

 

“What I’m trying to say Doc is, I know it might sound sappy, but I know in my heart that we are meant to be together.  Without you in my life…” he contemplated the thought for a moment, “my life is just wrong.”   A little shiver rippled through Marlena and traveled through their linked hands to John.  “Here I am, Doc,” he said softly.  “Just me, just John Black.  I don’t have a past, but with you.  But I offer you my future.  I offer you my heart and my soul and everything I am, if you’ll have me.” 

 

He flipped open the ring box, the large round diamond dancing with fire in its solitary setting, as it echoed the crimson blaze of the setting sun.  He was shaking as he took the ring from its soft velvet home and discarded the box.  He renewed his grasp on her hand, his gaze caught by her expressive eyes and his voice softened as he spoke the words that he had practiced over and over in his head.  “Marlena Evans, would you do me the incredible honor of agreeing to become my wife?” He smiled nervously.  “You’ll make me the happiest man on earth if you do.”

 

“John,” she shook her head in astonishment, not knowing quite what to say.  The whole thing was absolutely stunning, from the backdrop with the darkening skies and the shimmer of the lingering rays of the departed sun, to the ring he held in his hand.  But they were all dwarfed by the words that he spoke, by the love that he expressed and everything he promised.  Not just with his words, but with the way he looked at her and the way he moved her.  She loved him so much that sometimes it physically hurt.  This was one of those times and she wasn’t sure that she could answer him without the emotion overwhelming her.

 

“Doc?” he dropped his other knee to the ground and kneeled in front of her.  “Say you’ll do it.  Say you’ll walk down the aisle and join me in front of our children and our friends and family.  Say you’ll share those vows again with me.  The ones where we promise to have and to hold each other from that day forward.  Where we vow to trust and love and cherish each other till death do us part…”  His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that it was almost painful as he waited for her answer. 

 

Marlena struggled for a moment to find the words.  How did one find anything eloquent to say after something as profoundly heartfelt as that?  Finally, she opened her mouth and the words just seemed to come.

 

“I don’t know why death should make any difference,” she whispered.  “I think our love transcends death.  At least I hope it does.  I want to have and to hold you forever.”  A tear shimmied down her cheek as her smile echoed the one that was growing on John’s face.  “For better and for worse.  For richer and for poorer.”

 

“In sickness and in health,” John finished for her.  “For always.”

 

“For always,” she echoed him, her voice rich and velvety as she caught John’s questioning eyes.  “Yes!” she nodded joyfully, the tears falling faster now.  “Yes, of course I’ll marry you!”

 

“*Yes*!” he caught her up in his arms and pulled her to him in an ecstatic embrace.  “*Yes*!”  Remembering that he had one more task to perform, he pulled back and fixing her with a huge grin, he spread the fingers of her left hand.  With the gentlest of touches, he slid the glittering ring over the end of her third finger and eased it down the length of her finger until it was sitting in place on her graceful hand.

 

“You did say yes didn’t you?” he asked with a silly grin, “just to make sure I didn’t misunderstand or anything.”

 

“Yes, I said ‘yes’,” she laughed, swiping at the tears that dampened her cheeks.  “Of course I said yes.  I love you, I’ll *always* love you.  I can’t wait to tell the whole world that.”

 

“Neither can I,” John’s laughter was full of joy.  “And I’m not going to.” He pushed himself up and shrugged off Marlena’s questioning look.  Setting off at a jog, he neared the bottom of the field where it overhung the valley.

 

“SHE SAID YES!” he yelled at the top of his voice.  “I’M IN LOVE WITH DOC AND SHE’S GOING TO MARRY ME!”  He turned around, and even from a distance; Marlena could see his eyes were shining.  In fact, he almost glowed with happiness.  And once again, she was awed by just how much he loved her.  She wasn’t sure she deserved that love and devotion, but she certainly wasn’t about to let it go either.

 

“I LOVE YOU DOC!”  He shouted between ecstatic laughter.  She echoed his laughter with her own that welled up joyously within her.

 

“I LOVE YOU TOO,” she called back as he came back towards her at a bouncing jog.  Falling to his knees on the rug, he gently pushed her down onto her back and crawled up beside her.  With a gleam in his eye, he drew up her hand so that she could admire the ring on her finger.  It seemed as though the diamond flashed from every facet of its several carats so that it was quite stunning and she felt very spoiled.

 

“That’s my commitment to you Doc.  Everlasting.  Indestructible.”  He dropped her hand to her stomach and covered it with his own as he looked up at her.  In the fading light, her eyes smoldered a rich coffee color.  “This ring binds us as a symbol of the love that binds our souls.”   

 

“I have never loved you more,” she whispered, “than I do at this moment.”

 

“And I love you more, with every moment that passes,” he murmured as he dropped his head closer to hers.  Suddenly, he chuckled.  “Is it just me or am I sounding like a really bad romance novel?”

 

“I think we’re both tending that way.”  She smoothed the dark hair from his face with a look of amusement curving her lips.  “But that’s okay.  Everyone has to read a bad novel once in a while.  It’s one of life’s guilty pleasures.”

 

“Can’t say as I’ve tried it” John linked his fingers with hers and slid his elbow upwards so that he was lying on his side with his head in his hand.

 

“You should try it some time,” she laughed.  “Anyway, my point is, you’re allowed to be mushy.”  She fingered the feathering of silver at his temples.  “I *like* it when you’re mushy.”

 

“And if I can’t be mushy now, then when the hell can I, right?” John nodded his head in agreement.

 

“Right,” her smile melted into seriousness as he bowed his head and their lips met. 

 

She was soft and sweet with a hint of grape on her lips and the mere taste of her was addictive.  His hands covered her curves with practiced ease.  But somehow as always, she was new, the feel of her, the way she moved under his touch.  He could never fail to be amazed by how intoxicating she was, and how much he desired her.

 

“How about some dessert?” he asked finally as he managed to pull himself away from her.

 

“I can’t believe you have dessert,” she shivered as he moved away, the flickering of the stars above her serving to mimic the effect of cool night air, even though it was saturated with mid-summer warmth..

 

“Sure I do,” he reached over and pulled over the second blanket.  Shaking it out, he pulled it around her shoulders.  “I always come prepared.”

 

“Of course you do,” she teased him gently.  “I know that about you, I really do.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t want you to forget.”  He pulled a bowl out of the basket and uncovered it, “they’d sold out of strawberries though so I got…..” he looked at the contents of the bowl and his face fell, “….these.  Well, they looked good when I got them.”

 

The raspberries sat in a mushy puddle at the bottom of the bowl, the juices glistening a deep, rich ruby colour.

 

“I’ll bet they still taste great,” Marlena said with a giggle, amused at his disappointment.

 

“See, strawberries wouldn’t have done that,” he pointed at the bowl.  “I knew that there was a good reason for strawberries.  But they didn’t have any Doc.”

 

“I know, baby,” she patted his arm.  “Do you have any spoons?”

 

“Uh-huh,” John dug around in the basket and produced two spoons.  But it didn’t seem to lighten his air of disconsolation.

 

“Here,” Marlena let the blanket drop from around her shoulders and took one of the spoons from him as she pulled the can of whipped cream from the basket.  She shook it and liberally sprayed it over the soggy berries and then, taking a spoon, she scooped out a pile of the berries, smothered with cream which was stained to a soft pink by the scarlet juices.  Leaning over to John, she raised the fruit laden utensil to his mouth.  His eyes burned deep indigo as he parted his lips and let her slide the sweet food in between them. 

 

The berries tasted beautiful and sweet, and his tongue curled around the spoon, cleansing it of food as Marlena withdrew it.

 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

 

“That was pretty damn good,” John was suddenly very aroused as he looked up at her and he quickly plucked the other piece of silverware from her fingers and measured out a spoonful of the delicious desert himself.  “Would you like a test taste Doc?”

 

“Why not?” her mouth slid into a sensuous smile as she eased down onto her elbow.  John’s eyes glittered darkly as he leaned across and brought the dessert-laden spoon up to her lips.  She opened her mouth slightly and he scraped the dessert along her top lip as he filled her mouth with the wet, sweet fruit.  She held his gaze as he withdrew the spoon and he momentarily though he might drown in her honeyed eyes as her perfect pink tongue swept the remnants of the cream and fruit from her lips.

 

“Mmmmm,” she murmured, “tastes wonderful.”   

 

I’ll bet you do.  John gazed at her longingly. The air was still laden with moisture and the warmth of the receding day, but her cheeks were reddened as though there were a chill in the air.

 

“Here,” she whispered, beckoning him closer.  He raised his brows, but acceded to her wishes and shuffled closer to her.  She flicked him a sensual look and dipped two of her fingers into the sticky mess.  “Have you ever heard of a new variation on an old theme?” she whispered as she raised her fingers to his mouth.  He barely had time to nod before she smeared the cream over his lips, the berry juice running down his chin and across her fingers.  “They say a change is as good as a holiday,” she murmured as she bent her head to him. 

 

John groaned as he felt her tongue sweeping across his lips, sucking the cream from his skin.  Unable to control himself, he knotted his fingers in her warm, silky hair and shared the sweetness of the dessert with her.  Their tongues collided as lips claimed each other and he felt the moan that leapt from her core as one of his hands skimmed her back and pulled her close to him.

 

He couldn’t resist her, the feel or the taste of her.  Once he’d started kissing her, it was difficult to string thoughts together long enough to remember that there were other things he had to do.  Like eat or sleep.

 

He would never be able to fathom how he let her go.  He only knew he never would again.  She was his world.  His waking, his sleeping, and the air that he breathed.  And that was how he liked it.  If there was such a place as heaven on earth, he had found it here with her.  And he was never giving it up again.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 123 – Edge of Light

 

 

“Oh G*d!” Marlena pulled away from John abruptly, blinking as her hands covered her belly protectively, the sudden lust all but forgotten.

 

“What is it baby?” John was immediately on his knees, helping Marlena sit up.

 

“OH,” she hunched over her stomach in an intimation of distress.

 

“Doc?” he brushed the hair from her eyes worriedly, one arm bracing her shoulders.  “Baby, tell me what’s going on, please.”  It was hell as he waited for her answer and the seconds felt like a small eternity as the thoughts bounced around in his brain.

 

Oh G*d I knew it was a bad idea to take her away from Salem.  What the hell was I thinking?  What a bloody idiot.  Oh G*d, please let her be all right, let the baby be all right.

 

“Oh,” the groan emanated from Marlena’s throat as her head fell backwards, her eyes closed.

 

“C’mon baby, talk to me, please tell me you’re okay.”  John brushed his fingers across her suddenly pale cheeks.  “Please Marlena, you have to be okay, I don’t think I could bear it if anything was to happen to you now.”  He had tears in his eyes as he pleaded with her, willing her to open her eyes and tell him that everything was fine.

 

Because if something was wrong, all the way out here in the middle of nowhere, they could well be in very big trouble.

 

It seemed like eons to John before Marlena finally lifted her head and opened her eyes.

 

“Doc?” he asked carefully.  The pain in her eyes faded as she looked at him.

“I’m sorry,” she said thickly, “he just kicked me, and it seemed to set off a kind of a cramping sensation.  I’m okay now.”

 

“A cramp?” John looked worried.  “That doesn’t sound okay.”

 

“It *is* okay,” Marlena nodded with assurance.  “These things happen occasionally.  It wasn’t a contraction kind of cramping.  It’s passed now.”

 

“But Doc,” John’s face portrayed his deep concern for her, “can you be sure that it won’t happen again?  I mean we’re out here in the middle of….” He shook his head angrily.  “What the *hell* was I thinking bringing you out here?  If something were to happen-“

 

“*Nothing* is going to happen,” Marlena smoothed the deep furrows in his brow with gentle fingers.  “Trust me John, I’m fine and the baby is fine, and I am so incredibly glad you brought me out here.  It’s wonderful.”

 

He looked unsure as he watched her, weighing up in his mind the chances they were taking by staying in the mountains against the obvious good it seemed to be doing her.

 

“I really don’t think staying here is a good idea Doc,” he said gently.  “If you were to have another turn like you did the other night, if you were to go into premature labor, we’d never get to a hospital in time.”

“It won’t happen honey,” she told him reassuringly.  “I promise you.  Please, please let’s just stay, okay?”

 

He said nothing for long moments as he watched her.  The color was already returning to her cheeks and her eyes were glittering as she looked out over the moonlit valley.

 

“It’s so beautiful here,” she whispered, “how could anything go wrong?”

 

“It could be the most beautiful place on earth Doc, but that’s not going to make any difference to that kid in there if he decides he’s coming out early.” John pointed to her stomach.  “I can’t take any risks with you, I can’t let anything happen to you, you know that.”

 

“Nothing will happen, don’t you think I’d know if there was something wrong?” she asked, trying to put his mind at ease.  “It’s not like this is my first pregnancy, I do have some idea what is going on with my body.”

 

“I didn’t say you don’t Doc,” John frowned uneasily.  “But you know as well as anything how fast things can change.  I mean it was only sheer luck that I was at the cabin when you were in labor with Belle…..”

 

“And you managed wonderfully,” she smiled at the memory.

 

“We were just *lucky* Doc,” John said his voice low and intense.  “We almost lost our little girl that night.  Maybe we could handle it if something happened, but maybe we couldn’t.  What is the point in taking a risk with our baby’s life?  And yours,” he added grasping her fingers in his and squeezing them tightly.  “You’re not the only one that gets frightened Marlena.  The thought of losing you,” a shiver ran through him even as the words caught in his throat.  “I couldn’t bear it.”

 

“It won’t happen,” her eyes were bright in the silvery moonlight.  “I understand your fears John, I have them too.  But you can’t wrap me in cotton wool.  I’m a big girl and I can decide what’s risky and what’s not.  And I don’t think staying here is risky.  It’s only a few more days, isn’t it?”

 

“That’s not the point Marlena,” John was starting to get annoyed.  She never changed; she was always so damned stubborn.

 

“What *is* the point John?” she pulled her hand away from his and her expression cooled.

 

“The point is that there *is* a risk and I’m not prepared to take it, even if you are.”  He began to pack up the picnic dishes.  “We’ll drive out in the morning.”

 

“I wish you wouldn’t do this,” she said angrily.

 

“Do what?” he turned midnight eyes on her.

 

“Patronize me.” She crossed her arms across the top of her belly.  “I feel more relaxed and happier than I have in months.  That has to be *good* for the baby.  And I happen to think that outweighs any small risks.”  She felt a little hurt as she stared at him.  “Do you *really* think I would put my own baby in any kind of danger?”

 

“Of course I don’t Marlena,” he sighed, dropping the dishes that were in his hands and sitting down next to her.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you would.  I’m just….” He looked a little embarrassed.  “Doc, you know I get overprotective.  It’s just how I am.”

“Of course I know that,” she couldn’t help the smile that came to her face at his concession.  “Doesn’t mean I have to like it, or go along with it though.  I think at this point, you need to trust my judgment.  Because I really want to make the most of this time we have together, and I really love it here….” She looked around at the silver-drenched landscape.  “Please?  Just trust me on this one.  The baby is safe and so am I.  The moment I feel that change, I promise I’ll be the first one in the car to get home.”

 

John looked at her for a moment and then turned to study the panorama in front of him.  He chewed the inside of his cheek as he thought about her plea.  Despite her assurances, he was still worried about the possibility of something happening.  But if he didn’t respect her judgment and took her home, how would that make things between them?

 

“All right,” he conceded eventually.  “We’ll stay.  But if you have so *much* as a twinge lady, I’m putting you in that car and taking you straight to the nearest hospital, you hear me?”

“Well, that sounds like enough incentive to behave myself,” she smiled as she rubbed the palm of one hand in circles over her rounded belly.

 

“Good,” he frowned, “and right now, we are going back to the cabin, and you are going to bed.”  He silenced her with a firm look that brooked no further arguments.

 

She stared back at him, wanting nothing more than to sit out here and drink in the beauty of the landscape that surrounded them.  But it was her own body that turned traitor and sealed her fate as she gave way to a yawn.

 

“Right,” John allowed himself a grin as he relaxed a little.  He was willing to trust her, but he would be watching her.  And the moment it looked as though anything might be wrong, he was prepared to act.  But for now, he would take her back to the cabin and tuck her into bed and hold her through the night.

 

 

*

 

 

It seemed that Marlena was right and the next few days at the cabin passed without incident.  Marlena spent time reading in the sun while John fussed over her.  They went for long, gentle walks along the valley floor, Marlena stopping to pick wildflowers on the way so that the cabin was filled with a profusion of poppies and cornflowers.  She was as relaxed as John had ever seen her, her belly burgeoning almost daily, and her face vested with the rosy glow of good health.

 

It had taken him several days to relax enough to completely enjoy himself, but once he was reassured that Marlena and the baby were both safe, John stopped worrying and started enjoying himself. 

 

He called Salem when he could and was grateful to hear that things were going better than anyone could have hoped for.  Eugene had settled in as Laura’s houseguest and things seemed fine so far.  At the loft, Mike and Maya had all but weaned Kristen off the sedative and oddly, she seemed to have no memory of her outburst at all.  She even seemed to buy the story of him being on a business trip with remarkable gullibility.  None of them were willing to take it entirely on faith however, and Maya was keeping a close eye on the newly acquiescent Kristen, waiting for any sign that she was about to crumble again.

 

But while those at home assured him that things were under control on that front, John determined to put all his energy into making sure that he and Marlena had a few precious days together to create memories that they would always cherish.

 

It was early on the morning of the seventeenth that John woke with Marlena stirring restlessly beside him.

 

“Doc?” he stroked his fingers over her arm.  “Doc, are you okay?”

 

“Mmmm…” her eyes flickered open in the darkness, hugely gleaming with unspoken emotion.  He couldn’t tell what it was, if she’d been having a nightmare or if the baby was just making it uncomfortable to sleep.

 

“Are you okay baby?” he whispered, the concern flooding his voice.

 

“Mmmm…yeah,” Marlena brushed her hair back off her forehead and raised herself up onto her elbows, blinking as her eyesight adjusted to the darkness.  “Yeah.  I was…” she searched back in her mind to locate the discomfort that lurked just below the surface.

 

When it came, she was sorry she had. 

 

All she could see in the darkness was Stefano, standing before her, holding her baby in a death grip.  And she, helpless to stop him.

 

“Doc?” John could see her visibly pale, and she shivered as the visions from the dream assailed her.  With gentle, warm hands, he helped her sit up.  “Baby what is it?”

 

“I…I don’t want to talk about it,” she shook her head, her eyes focused on shaking fingers, hiding her face behind a cascade of pale hair.

 

“Doc,” his voice was firm as he slid his finger under her chin and lifted her head so that she faced him.  “I won’t let you do this anymore.  I won’t let you shut me out.  If you’re afraid of something, I want to know what it is.”

 

She stared at him, eyes darkly hollowed by fear.

 

“Stefano,” she said through suddenly chattering teeth.  “I dream he has the babies.”

 

“You *dream*?” he asked carefully.  “You’ve had this dream before?”

“Variations of it,” she whispered.  “The other night….” she shivered, her flesh crawling with the memory of the horrific nightmare, “…both you and Gene were…. were dead… and he…… he and Kristen,” she choked back a sob, “they had the babies.”

 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he pulled her into his arms, enfolding her shaking form in his warm embrace.  “It’s okay.  I promise you it’ll be okay.  There’s no way Stefano will get anywhere near our babies.”

 

“How can you say that, John?” she pulled away from him, tears threatening to spill from clouded hazel eyes.  “He got near Carrie, didn’t he?  Not just once, but twice.  You couldn’t stop him taking her when I was gone.  And you weren’t there when he took the twins all those years ago.  G*d, he just walked right in and *took* them.  Right under my nose.”  She shuddered and cursed the fear that coiled around her rationality and choked it until it was non-existent.  “Dammit, he’s out there John.  He’s just waiting and toying with us until he decides to make his next move.”  She delved frustrated fingers through her blonde mane. 

 

Now that she could no longer deny the truth that Stefano had been the one that had taken Carrie, pieces were starting to fall into place like a puzzle.  A jigsaw puzzle.  “He sent you that d*mn puzzle piece before the shooting.”  John had told her about the mysterious piece while he was in the hospital, but she had refused to believe that it had anything to do with Stefano.  Stefano was dead and that was that.  Except he wasn’t dead.  And that wasn’t that.  *That* was very much this. 

 

“Doc, I won’t lie to you,” John shook his head.  “I believe that Stefano sent that puzzle piece.  But his plan backfired and he’s off somewhere licking his wounds right now.  Roman and Abe are on the case and as long as we keep one step ahead of the old man…..” he sighed edgily. “He has to make a slip up some time Doc.”

 

 “Does he?”  She shook her head almost desperately, her voice hoarse and pained.  “In my dreams he doesn’t John.  He wins.  He wins the whole game……”  A tear slid muted and hot down her cheek.   “I can’t… I don’t know how we can stop him.  He just keeps on taking and I don’t know how to stop him.”  Her fingers curled into icy fists as she shook visibly, her voice drowned in fear.  “I don’t know if we *can* stop him.”

 

It was the first time she had really voiced her fear of Stefano, the admission that he was alive and back in their lives almost too much for her to cope with and she choked convulsively on the tears that seemed to swamp her.

 

“It’s okay, baby,” John held her in his arms again, rubbing his hand in comforting circles over her back as she wept warm tears against his bare skin.  “It’s okay.” 

 

He *hated* the fact that Stefano had that kind of effect on her.  He would never ever forget the day that Marlena had seen the old bastard when she was pregnant with Belle.  He wasn’t at all sure how she would cope if she were to come face to face with him now.  He only knew he didn’t want to find out.  And he would *kill* DiMera with his bare hands to stop it from ever happening again.  “We’ll find some way of making the babies safe.  I promise you.  We’ll all be safe.”

 

 

******

 

 

Eugene lay on his back and stared at the ceiling.  A new ceiling, with a thousand new marks to catalogue and store away in his mind.  Information utterly useless, but information, nonetheless.

 

He folded his arms behind his head and sighed softly.   It wasn’t so bad living at Laura Horton’s.  She was a nice lady, and they were getting along fine so far.  But it wasn’t the same. 

 

Which is rather the poin,t isn’t it? he chided himself. 

 

It was definitely easier, that was for sure.  But somehow life seemed to become sluggish as he missed that wonderful little spark of expectation that came as he saw her around a corner or caught a glimpse of her through a doorway.  That moment where his heart jumped into his throat and his knees threatened to resemble a soft jelly.  It was insane.  He wanted to escape it, but G*d how he missed it. 

 

What scared him the most was that he even somehow missed the dreams.

 

He sighed again and twisted under the sheets to where he could see the window.  The moon shone brightly but even now he could see the ghost of a glow on the horizon where the sun would rise soon enough.  Soon enough that he would have to face the fact that he had spent another night sleepless.  Soon enough he would face another vacant day wondering why he even bothered.

 

“Oh Marlena,” he muttered miserably.  “I don’t know how to do this.  I don’t know how to get over you.”

 

“Why are you even trying?”

 

The voice comes as a whisper out of the darkness and it sends gooseflesh rippling over Q’s exposed skin.

 

“No,” he utters, disbelieving.  “*No*!”

 

 

******

 

 

“Marlena?”  John moved her trembling body away from him and dipped his head to find Marlena’s reddened eyes.  “Sweetheart, it’ll be okay.  Somehow, between us all, we’ll make it okay.”

 

“I know you will,” she sniffed, wiping the remnants of grief and trepidation away with the back of her hand.  “It’s just. …sometimes……. I get frightened John.”

 

“I know you do baby,” he took her hand in his, “you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.”

 

“I try not to let it get to me,” she sighed, pushing back a lock of hair with the heel of her palm.  “After all this time, you would think I would have learned not to let Stefano have this much control over me.”

 

“You’re a strong woman Doc, but you’re not *that* strong,” John said softly.  “DiMera is like a d*mn cat with nine lives, and you never know where he’s going to pop up next.  You’d be stupid not to be wary of him.  Not be afraid.”

“Are you afraid John?” she asked suddenly, staring up at him with eyes that were pools of liquid gold.

 

“Of course I am sweetheart,” he whispered, reaching out to stroke her cheek with a trembling finger. 

“Until we know for sure that he’s dead, or behind bars, I’m never in control.  I can only anticipate what he might do next.”  He gazed at her so intensely that it made her chest hurt as she remembered to take a breath.  “I’ll do anything to protect you, Marlena.  I’ll give my *life* to see you safe.”

 

“Don’t *say* that,” she said angrily, tears suddenly swimming at the edges of her lashes.

 

“Well, it’s *true*,” he said in a low growl.  “Don’t you know how important you are to me?”

 

“What about how important you are to *me*?”  She pressed her lips together so that they blanched a bloodless white.  “Do you know what it does to me when you say things like that?  I came so close to losing you once already.  Please, *please* don’t ask me to ever face that again.”

 

“I won’t lie to you Doc,” he shook his head.  “I would do *anything* in my power to make you safe.  That’s just the way it is.  That’s the way I feel about you and I can’t change it.  But if it makes you feel better,” he sighed lightly as he saw her face, “I don’t plan on leaving you any time soon.”

 

“I’ll never forgive you if you do,” she said in a tightly serious voice.  “Do you have any idea what it felt like to see you lying in that hospital bed and never knowing if I would see your eyes again?  Or hear your voice?  And that nightmare…..” she shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself as though it was some kind of protection against the terrors that haunted her.  “I didn’t know that my mind was capable of creating such horrors.”  She shook her head, her eyes stinging with the salt of her dried tears.  “But it’s not simply a creation John.  It’s not inconceivable.  You can make as many glib remarks as you like, but when it comes down to it….” Her breath came with a panicked convulsion.  “I’m terrified that it will come true.  That he will win, he’ll take you from me and I will have to live without you.  I just don’t want to find out if I am capable of doing that.”

 

“You won’t.”  He shook his head angrily.  “Dammit Doc, we’ve made it too far to lose now.  I won’t let that old bastard take any more happiness from us.”  He could feel the fury bubble up under his words.  She was right, Stefano was apt to come out of nowhere and hit them like a freight train at full speed.  But this time, he would just have to be ready for him.  There was no other option.

 

The muscle in his jaw twitched as he looked again at Marlena and then his expression softened.  “Neither of us is going anywhere, honey.  We’re stuck with each other, so we may as well get used to it.”  He smiled tenderly and she eventually nodded, yielding gracefully.  He knew that her fears weren’t really assuaged and that they were more than valid, but they couldn’t live their lives balancing on the edge of a knife blade, waiting for the smallest slip.  They had to live every day as it was when they were together, the most precious thing in the world.

 

“Hey Doc,” he grinned, “you up to going for a little drive?”

 

“Now?” she looked confused.

 

“Yeah now,” he took her head and slipped around her and off the edge of the bed.  “It’s not long till dawn.  And I want to see the sun rise with you by my side.  I want the world to see how strong and good we are together.”  He tugged on the bedclothes and her satin nightgown rippled down over her thighs as she stood.  “I want to start a new day with you, a new day in our new life.  Whaddya say?

 

“I say it sounds like a great idea,” she squeezed his fingers.  “Let’s go!”

 

 

*******

 

 

Did I fall asleep and not realize?  Am I hallucinating?  No, I’ve just gone crazy.  That’s it.  I’ve just completely lost my mind.  Time for Q to lock me away in some forgotten corner, like the drooling idiot that I am.

 

“Gene,” her voice washes over me like a ripple of sweet velvet, sinking into my blood, re-infecting me. 

 

Not that I was ever cured.

 

Her fingernail scrapes against my chest, the lightest of touches sending jolts of agonizing pleasure straight to my groin. 

 

“Sweet, dear Gene,” she whispers as her fingers idly hook under the sheet and draw it back.  Her golden eyes examine me critically and I find myself oddly breathless for a long moment.

 

This isn’t real Q.  You’re making it all up in your head.  You’re mad.  A veritable hatter.  Get over it all ready.

 

But oh my G*d, her touch feels so d*mn real and her smell…. I can smell her, her fragrance mingling with the sweet spicy smell of her desire.  Her desire for me.

 

“Oh baby,” she lifts her fingers to her mouth and licks the end of her finger, almost in the way a cat might.  Then she moves her finger towards me until I feel the cool wetness circling my nipple.  I’m getting hard as she pinches me firmly.  And not just there.

 

“Oh G*d!” the exclamation dies in my throat as she drops to her knees beside the bed and replaces her fingers with her hot, moist mouth.  She licks and sucks me, teasing me as she runs her fingers over my chest and stomach.

 

And all the time, she watches me, searches me with the golden eyes of a hunter.  Knowing she has snared her prey.

 

And suddenly I don’t care if this is wrong.  I don’t even care if I’ve gone mad.  I just want her so badly that I can taste it.  Taste her.  The need to feel her is almost unbearable and I catch her wrist between vice-like fingers as I sit up.

 

“*Q*!” Her voice comes in a shocked whisper but almost immediately a smile drifts across her sensual lips.  “Oh Gene.”  Her eyes smolder wantonly as she deliberately wets her lower lip with her tongue.  I tighten my fingers around her wrist, trying to gain some control.  I am nanoseconds away from tearing her nightgown off her golden skin and taking her and the look on her face is all but inviting me to do just that.

 

“If you want me,” her silky whisper echoes my thoughts, “why don’t you just take me?”

 

Oh G*d, I am losing my mind.  Q help me.  Because I’m beyond helping myself.

 

“Marlena,” her name rolls around my tongue before spilling out into the space between us.  My voice is almost hoarse with longing.  She merely smiles knowingly as her eyes sweep my trembling body.  Then she lifts her hand to mine and pries my fingers from her.  I can’t help but gasp as I see the white marks my touch leaves.

 

This is so insane.  I can feel her.  I can smell her.  The senses are so vivid, how can this be a dream?  But how on earth can it be real?  Marlena is somewhere away with John.  Isn’t she?

 

I reach out, my fingers colliding with her smooth, velvety skin and a moan sounds in her throat, familiar, yet strange at the same time.  I meet with the satin strap of her nightgown and my eyes are drawn to hers.  The look in them is almost enough to make me come.  She’s hot and wild and she wants me.

 

Q/Gene.

 

The name sounds somewhere in my head as she opens her mouth.

 

“I need you.”  Her whisper coils around me, sending rivulets of fire down my veins.  “I need you to feel me.  Feel how much I want you.”  She stares at me intently.  “I want you to take me.  *Now*.” 

 

I need no more encouragement and I slip my hand under the satin strap and pull her towards me and onto the bed.  I twist so that I am on top of her and kiss her, hard and desperate.  My hand finds the warmth of her thigh and I slip it under her nightgown as I press myself against her.  I’m hard and I need to feel her.  I want her so badly it’s hurting.

 

She groans as I sink my teeth into the delicate flesh of her neck, sucking the fair skin brutally, knowing it will bruise.  Or would if this was real.  I don’t even care what it is anymore.  I just need to bury myself deep inside her and forget everything except the white heat of the bliss she brings.

 

My hand follows the soft curves of her body until I find her breast.  Her nipple is already hard and pink under my fingers and I use my other hand to pull down the neckline of her gown so that I can fasten my lips around it.  She lets out a cry as I clamp my teeth roughly on her and her back arches under my touch.  I feel her fingers in my hair as I continue to suck her greedily reveling in the taste and feel of her and in the sounds of the pleasure I give her.

 

“Mmmm, Gene,” she pants in my ear.  “Hurry my love.   Hurry.”  It’s all the encouragement I need as I peel the nightgown from her moist, hot body and feast my eyes on her.  G*d, she’s as beautiful as I remember, and her eyes glow amber green as she stares back at me.  There’s something…. I shake my head…something about her eyes….they don’t quite look right….

 

But then I feel her hands on me, removing my boxers, stroking me, teasing me and I am lost.  I groan, my whole body echoing with the sound as I lower myself to her.  She’s waiting for me and… oh… my… G*d she feels…. oh… wet…hot… tight… oh… oh… oh G*d….oh G*d….

 

She moans beneath me, her knees gripping my hips as I drive into her, liquid fire bathing me as I find her core.

 

“Oh Gene,” she throws her head back and I feel her nails rake my back.  I can barely feel the pain through the fog of lust as I take her again and again.  Our bodies are slick with sweat as we move together, and she feels as wonderful as she ever has.

 

“Oh Q, my Q,” she gasps in my ear, and I feel her begin to contract around me as her orgasm hits her.  The feeling of her bucking underneath me is all I need, and I come, hard and so fast that the feeling is almost stupefying.

 

And when I collapse against her, a vague thought crosses my mind.  How can something that’s so wrong feel this d*mn good?

 

 

******

 

 

It was still dark when they reached their field, but they could both see the precursor of the sun in the east.  John spread out the blanket and helped Marlena to lie down, her golden hair tumbling into a smooth pool against the dark wool of the rug as she lay down.

 

“You’re amazing you know that?” he told her as he kneeled down next to her.

 

“What?” she laughed.  “Because I’m mad enough to come out in the middle of the night and sit in a field with you?”

“That and so much more,” he sprawled next to her and dipped his nose into the fragrant mass of locks.  “So, *so* much more.”

 

She gazed at the mountains to the east, watching as the sky lightened and then turned back to John.

“Do you suppose that we’ll still do this kind of thing when we’re old and grey?”

 

“Oh, most definitely,” John smiled as he propped himself up on his elbow.  “All the time actually.  I plan to still be making out with you in the back seat of a car when you’re eighty-five.”

 

“Wait just a moment,” she laughed.  “Somehow the back seat of your Jeep doesn’t strike me as the most comfortable place to… `make out’ *now*, let alone when I’m eighty-five.”

 

“Well, how about here?” John ran his finger down her throat suggestively.  “You up for a little nookie as the sun makes its entrance?”

 

“Oh what an offer,” she felt the breath catch in her throat as his hand trailed lower, cupping the outline of a heavy breast through her sweater.  “Here?” she whispered in answer to his questioning look.

 

“Why not?” he shrugged.  “It’s not like there’s anyone around.”

 

“John we can’t!” she protested weakly.  In all reality, she was getting turned on just thinking about it, but it wasn’t practical.  “In case you haven’t noticed lately, I’m not exactly athletic in that department.”

 

“You don’t have to be Doc,” he grinned lasciviously.  “I have a plan.”

 

“Oh, of course you do!” She couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled through her as he pulled his sweater off.

 

“You think I’d pass up on opportunity to make love to my beautiful fiancée?” John helped her off with her sweater, pausing to plant a kiss on her nose.  “I don’t think so.”

 

“Well…” she looked regretful; “I guess we won’t be able to do this for much longer.”  She stared down at the bulge, which was covered by a loose shirt.  “I can barely manage now!”

 

“Well baby, let’s make the most of it.”  John pushed her back on the rug and slipped his leg between hers, effectively pinning her to the ground.  But she didn’t protest as his lips found hers, sweet and demanding, his tongue moist as it slipped into her mouth, tasting her, familiar but new every time.

 

Her head felt light as his hand found the bottom of her shirt and untucked it from her track pants.  And she felt the moan flourish in her throat as his cool hand negotiated the broad curve of her belly.  The moan exploded from her as he found her breast and with deliberate fingers, set about teasing her.  At the same time, his lips swept over the soft angle of her jaw and down to her throat where he could feel the quick jump of her pulse under his touch.

 

The stubble on his chin grazed her as his mouth continued to explore downwards until he was thwarted by the buttons on her shirt.  Marlena’s only answer was to guide his hands downward to seek the waistband of her track pants.  She wasn’t in the mood for foreplay; his touch burnt her skin with fiery trails searing their way through her body until they reached the warmth between her legs. 

 

Part of her was still recoiling from her nightmare and she wanted to wash away the fear and the horror.  She wanted to feel John’s strength and take strength from him.  She wanted to feel alive and to feel him moving underneath her.  Moving inside her.  She wanted to feel his heat and his desire for her and forget everything for just a few divine moments.

 

John took her lead and pulled the pants down around her hips, his fingers brushing the pale taut skin as he gazed at her quite longingly.

 

“Too slow,” she growled as she kicked off the fleecy pants.

 

“Doc-“

 

“Shut up Black,” she used one hand to push him onto his back and she deftly unbuttoned the fly of his jeans with skillful fingers.

 

“Oh G*d, Marlena!”  His words sounded more like a curse as he felt her fingers negotiate the folds of his boxers.

 

“Shhhh,” she smiled mischievously.  “You’ll wake up the wildlife.”

 

“Scr*w the wildlife,” John exclaimed frustratedly.

 

“No, that wasn’t exactly the idea,” she let out a throaty laugh as she pushed up his t-shirt, exposing his broad, sculpted chest. 

 

Before John could say anything else. Marlena dipped her head to his chest and circled her tongue around his nipple, her hot breath only heightening the sense of torture.  Oh God, oh Marlena, oh God….oh please…don’t…now…oh please.  Somehow, the words were all there, they just weren’t coming out of his mouth.  Especially as he felt her fingers surround him, running lightly down his length and teasing him free of his confines. 

 

It was almost too much for him and he clutched a handful of blanket on one hand as he let a guttural grunt explode from his lips.  The sun was peeking over the horizon as Marlena looked up at him, her eyes echoing the golden gleam of the morning light.  She was rewarded with another groan as she tightened her hand around him and began to stroke him, at first slowly and delicately.  But as she felt him begin to move unconsciously with her, she picked up the pace, her fingers creating a pleasant warm friction against his hot, sticky skin.

 

“Oh Doc,” she heard his whimper, or rather felt it in his throat, as she bent her head, her lips and tongue exploring his roughened skin.  “Baby…. oh, oh my G*d!”  His eyes were shut tightly, and she could see that he was having trouble controlling himself. 

 

In fact, she was having a hard enough time herself.  She was moist with wanting him and every moan he made just seemed to resonate through her, echoing in her growing heat and need to feel him.

 

The sun was now quarter over the horizon and the countryside around them was flooded with the amber-gold rays of the new day.  As she relinquished her touch, John opened his azure eyes and looked up at her.  She almost lost her breath at how gorgeous he looked, in the way his eyes drew her in and swamped her like they were an ocean of their own making.

 

“Here,” there was a catch in his throat as he helped her off with her panties.  G*d she looked beautiful with the newborn sunshine caught in her hair and her cheeks flushed with lust.  “Do you know how much I love you?” he whispered as she straddled his hips.

 

“A lot,” she answered with a slight smile.

 

“A real lot,” he agreed, lifting his hands to her hips and supporting her as she lowered herself onto him.

 

“Oh,” she closed her eyes and bit her lower lip as she felt him slide into her, hot and hard, filling her as he brought her down to where her thighs embraced his denim covered hips.

 

“Oh Marlena,” she could feel his groan vibrate through his chest as she brought her hands down to steady herself.  “Mmmmm, oh…oh…oh baby….” 

 

She began to move against him, rocking her hips in a familiar dance.  Wanting to feel as much of her skin as he could, he burrowed his hands under her shirt and held her waist as he moved in time with her. 

 

It was as instinctual as breathing, as their bodies created a rhythm that was antagonistic and yet completely in harmony.  It was as though every movement was orchestrated and divinely interpreted in the cleansing flame of the dawn rays.  And as they moved together, their muted cries echoed softly in the secluded spot.

 

Marlena could hear her name rolling from John’s tongue, feel his hands on her as they traveled over her rounded curves and she could feel him, hard and strong as he moved surely inside her.  Her senses were filled with him and through the cracks in her awareness that were not filled by his presence; she could sense her own moans and the way his name sounded in her throat.

 

The velvety sounds that she was making washed over John like a wave of hunger, inflaming almost every nerve in his body so that he burned with the need of her.  And so that he moved swiftly, thrusting into her, burying himself in her sweet moistness, the friction between them igniting what seemed like liquid fire, that burned white hot through all his senses.

 

“Oh G*d Doc, Marlena….oh Marlena!” he held her against him as he came, his hips moving rapidly beneath her as his orgasm triggered hers.  She could do nothing but whimper his name as the tidal wave broke over her, sweeping her away in the incandescence of the glistening sunrise.

 

It was long moments before John could form a coherent enough thought that he was able to roll Marlena over onto the rug.  Holding her in his arms, he pulled the corner of the rug over her and then brushed his fingers over the bangs that were plastered to her face.

 

“That wasn’t so embarrassing, was it?” he whispered with a teasing smile.

 

“No so much,” she answered with a grin of her own.  “It was rather a new experience anyway.”

 

“Always do one thing before breakfast that you haven’t done before,” he laughed as she looked sideways at him, “or something along those lines anyway.”

 

“Sometimes I really wonder about you,” her lips struggled to keep the smile subdued but failed miserably. 

 

Shielding her eyes, she turned to look at the horizon.  The thin threads of cloud that drifted above the hills did little to obscure the rays of the flaming golden-orange orb and the sight was enough to strike awe into the hardest of hearts. 

 

“That really is incredible,” she sighed blissfully.

 

“Yeah, it is,” John whispered into her hair, not even glancing at the sunrise.  “Really very, *very* incredible.”

 

 

******

 

 

 

Q opened one eye warily and turned awkwardly to look at the window.  The sun had risen, maybe an hour ago and he felt like he’d had all of an hour’s sleep.

 

Closing his eyes, he rolled his head back and groaned.  Missing the dreams huh?  What a complete a**hole he was.  He had thought that once he was away from her things would get easier.  He had hoped that she would stop pervading his every waking moment.  And he had prayed that she would stop infecting his dreams.  And it seemed that neither had happened.  In fact, the dream last night had seemed so real and so intense that it was almost frightening.  Maybe he really was losing his mind.  Maybe he should run it past Laura Horton and have her lock him up.  Not that that would probably stop the dreams.

 

He opened his eyes with a defeated sigh and swung his feet out of bed.  Coffee.  Even immortals sometimes needed a kick-start.  He pulled on his robe over the boxers and stumbled out of the bedroom, pulling his fingers through chaotic hair as he made his way down to the kitchen.

 

“Oh, hi Gene!”  Q felt his heartbeat slow and the sound of the eggshell breaking and the coagulating sizzle as the white hit the hot pan was almost deafening.  “You don’t look like you slept so good,” the sweet Tennessee accent smothered the sound of the cooking food and Lucie’s green eyes appeared concerned as she moved in front of him.  “Do you want some breakfast?  Mike and I are cooking up some bacon and eggs.”  She smiled confidentially as she leaned closer, “he’s not only cute and great in the sack, but he can cook too.”

 

“Uh, excuse me.”  Gene thought he might be sick as a wave of nausea overcame him and he headed for the bathroom.  There he splashed cold water over his face and looked up into the mirror, seeing only haunted eyes buried in sunken sockets.  His skin was ashen, and he suddenly realized that he was trembling.

 

Deciding, on reflection, that a shower might do him some good, he locked the door securely and reached into the shower to turn on the faucet.  But he caught his breath at the stretching, burning sensation across his back and with a frown; he pulled his arms from the robe and let it hit the floor unhindered.

 

Turning around, he examined his back in the mirror.  What he saw made him pale even further.  For scored into his back were fresh scratches that had been made by fingernails. 

 

Fingernails that only existed in a dream.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 124 – Home BitterSweet Home

 

 

Kristen stared at the phone, ignoring Maya as she rattled the pots in the background.  Where the hell was John and why wasn’t he calling her?  She’d spoken to him once the other day when he called from his conference in New York.  Only a brief call, he’d spoken to Maya for longer than he’d been on the phone to her.

 

Why the hell would he go away now, of all times?  When she was overdue to give birth to their baby after a complicated pregnancy?  When they should be finishing off the nursery and deciding on names for the baby?

 

Pouting, she reached over and picked up the portable, fondling it as she contemplated John’s return.  She would make him feel *so* guilty for abandoning her here with Badjelly the Witch. Alone and afraid and miserable.  If she was going to be miserable, by G*d he was going to share it.

 

Maya looked over at Kristen and saw her staring intently at the phone, lost in what passed for thought in that addled head.  She could barely believe it when Kristen had come out of the sedation asking for John.  She’d appeared to have absolutely no memory of what had passed between them the last time she’d seen him.  It was as though her mind had chosen to block out all memory of the incident to protect her from the reality that she had no future with John.  Because to Kristen, that was no future at all.  All she was, and all she ever could be, were tied inextricably to John.  And when he left her life forever, she would have nothing left.

 

It was a pretty sad way to be, Maya mused.  In some ways she almost felt sorry for Kristen, knowing what her future held.  But then, she’d brought it all on herself.  She had sacrificed her integrity, her self-respect and everything she possessed, for a lie.  For something that she’d convinced herself actually existed.  In defining herself by the man she had coveted, she’d defined herself out of existence.  Because the woman that John had once loved had been lost forever once she’d succumbed to the innate DiMera traits that Stefano had imbued in her years earlier.  Shaking her head, Maya turned back to her task chopping onions for the quiche she was making for dinner.

 

Kristen waited until Maya was no longer watching and then she quietly pushed herself off the sofa.  Supporting her huge belly with one hand, she slowly made her way up the stairs.  That b*tch thought she was stupid.  Thought she didn’t know when she was being watched.  Well, she wasn’t about to let some jumped up Italian tart control her every move. 

 

It was bad enough not being able to get out of the loft.  If she even *looked* like she was thinking about it, Herr Maya was there, practically packing an Uzi in order to stop her.  Well, she’d show her.  She’d show them all.

 

Dropping heavily onto her bed, she stared at the phone again.  She had already tried calling the hotel he had been at twice, but both times he was apparently out.  And the New York branch of Alamain Industries were only prepared to say that he couldn’t be reached in the meetings he was attending.

 

How convenient.  The little niggling voice at the back of her mind was becoming louder as the hours slunk by.  How do you know they’re telling you the truth?  But where else would he be?  Why would he go to all that trouble of having everyone lie for him?  Unless…

 

Her lips thinned as she stared at the phone.  Was it possible?  Was John’s business trip simply a front for him to go away with someone else?  With *her*?

 

With jaggedly broken nails, Kristen stabbed at the buttons on the phone and then lifted it to her ear.  A scowl settled on her face as she waited, the phone ringing resonantly in her ear.  That’s right, you’re not there are you?  You’re with John, you thieving, whoring sl-

 

“Hello?” Marlena’s sounded tired even over the phone.  Caught off-guard, Kristen just sat there, staring at her reflection in the mirror in surprise.  “Hello, is anybody there?  Hello?”  She heard Marlena’s sigh of exasperation as she hung up and she let the phone drop slowly in front of her.

 

So, if Marlena was home then where was John?  Was he actually working like he said?

 

She blinked convulsively as she saw herself in the mirror.  She looked terrible, her hair stringy and oily and her skin a sallow shade of pale.  Her grey eyes were vacant and lifeless, adding to the general two-dimensional look of her.  The cotton top she wore was stretched tightly over her rounded stomach and the tiny life that resided within, and she suffered with the heat so that perspiration had seeped in yellowed circles under her arms.  It was no wonder that John wanted to get away from her.  When she looked like this, how could she blame him?

 

She hated being pregnant now.  Actually, she even hated the baby.  She resented the fact that John seemed to care more about the child than about her and she hated the physical inconvenience of being pregnant.  When she actually had the little brat, she planned to hand it straight over to the nanny and then get herself back into shape for when John returned to her bed.  She wasn’t going to spend any more time with the little demon than she had to.

 

Easing herself off the bed, she headed for the stairs.  It was probably time she went and showered.  Maybe if she took care of herself a little more, acted a little more like herself, John wouldn’t be in such a hurry to go and work all the time.

 

But her stomach sank when the familiar laugh reached her at the bottom of the staircase.  He’s home. 

 

Her thrill at the knowledge that Marlena was in the penthouse suddenly dissolved as the ramifications echoed around her muddled mind. 

 

I’m sorry Ms. DiMera, he can’t be disturbed… In meetings all day…  Away from the hotel… Cannot be contacted today…

 

Kristen’s jaw set solidly as her hands gripped the handrail.  She could hear him laugh at Maya’s questions and words filtered back to her.  Wonderful… relaxing… just what the doctor ordered.…  Her breathing shortened as she lowered her shaking body to the edge of the step.  She closed her eyes, trying to squeeze out the pain, but the unavoidable truth swirled around the blackened void of her mind.  He’s been with *her*.  He’d been lying to her all this time, she knew it.  She could feel it in the cold, dead place where her heart used to live.

 

Finally, she opened her eyes a steely resolve burning behind the calculating grey eyes.  She would have to be careful not to let him see that she knew.  If he knew she suspected, he would be careful to hide every shred of evidence.  But if he was complacent, he would slip up and she would find out.  And then….. well then, things would get interesting.

 

 

******

 

 

“Oh man,” Marlena sank back against the downy pillows on her bed and closed her eyes.  “I have missed my babies *so* much.”

 

“They’ve missed you too,” Lucie was hanging up the rest of Marlena’s clothes, a task she had insisted that Marlena was too exhausted to take care of herself.  “Ah, and here’s proof.” 

 

She laughed as Belle came running in with her rabbit and climbed onto her mother’s bed.

 

“You’re supposed to be getting ready for bed baby girl,” Marlena tried to sound disapproving, but in truth, she couldn’t get enough of her little girl.  She would be happy to hold Belle in her arms all night if she could.

 

“Wanned ‘novver cuddle,” Belle crawled into her mother’s arms and looked up at her with brilliant baby-blue eyes.  “I missed you Mommy.”

 

“Oh, I missed you too baby,” Marlena drew her precious, precocious little girl into a warm embrace and kissed her.  “I thought about you each and every day.”

 

“Miss Gene too,” Belle said innocently as she cuddled up to Marlena.  “When’s Gene coming home?”

 

“Oh,” Marlena was a little taken aback as she looked down at the comfortable child who was curled up next to her.  Then she looked up at Lucie, the young woman’s green eyes signaling her own surprise.

 

“She never said anything before,” she shrugged.  “I sure don’t think I said anything to make her think…”

 

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Marlena stroked Belle’s flaxen curls.  “Belle honey, Gene isn’t coming home.”  The little girl lifted her head again, her eyes questioning her mother’s reply.  “He’s gone to stay somewhere else sweet girl.”

 

The hurt in Belle’s eyes hit her square in the middle of her guilt and she felt her own misery over the situation suddenly seep back into her awareness.  She had been able to avoid thinking about it while she was away but now she had to deal with all the questions and problems that it engendered and she wasn’t sure how to even begin.

 

“Doesn’t he nub us anymore?” Belle’s well-defined pout was getting a workout as confused tears filled her eyes.

 

“Oh of *course* he does sweetheart.”  There wasn’t anything Marlena hated more than to see her children hurting, but she knew this was probably unavoidable.  She just had to try and make it as gentle as she could.  “He loves you very, *very* much.  He loves you so much it was really hard for him to go.”  She stroked the little girl’s head as she lay it back down on Marlena’s chest.  “But he couldn’t stay here anymore.  I promise you it’s got nothing to do with you or Brady.”

 

“Issit cos Daddy don’t like him?” Belle asked sleepily.

 

“Doesn’t like him,” Marlena corrected automatically, surprised once again but the words from her smallest daughter.  “Why would you say Daddy doesn‘t like him sweetheart?”

 

“Dey was souting at Gwanma ‘n Gwanpa’s.”  Belle yawned.  “I heared them.  Daddy was real mad.”

 

“Was he?” Marlena frowned pensively.  “When did you hear them shouting baby girl?”

 

“Don’t know,” Belle shrugged.  A toddler’s grip on time wasn’t exactly expansive, Marlena knew.

 

“That’s okay honey,” Marlena whispered.  “Daddy just got a little mad.  It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like Eugene.  They just don’t agree sometimes.  Like sometimes Daddy and I might shout a little because we don’t agree.  But it doesn’t mean we don’t like each other.  Do you understand what I mean?”

 

“Fink so,” Belle nodded sleepily.

 

“All right then, why don’t you go and get changed and bring a book back here for me to read to you?” she suggested gently.

 

“Okay,” Belle perked up at the idea of a story and she scrambled off the bed, stopping only to grab her rabbit.

 

“Don’t run near the stairs,” Marlena called after her, but the little girl was already out of sight.

 

“Lucie, you haven’t seen Gene have you?” Marlena tried to phrase her question as though it was a normal turn of the conversation.

 

“Why yeah, I have,” Lucie turned back to her employer.  “Mr. and Mrs. Brady took the kids on my night off on Tuesday night and I stayed the night at Dr. Mike’s.”  Her lips twitched and Marlena wasn’t quite sure what that signified.  “You do know he’s staying with Mike and Laura Horton, don’t you?”

 

“Yes,” Marlena nodded, relieved that it’d been Laura that had taken Eugene in.  She knew he had the ability to rub some people up the wrong way, but she could trust Laura to make sure that he was okay.  “How did he seem?”

 

“Kind of weird to be quite honest,” Lucie shrugged.  “He came into the kitchen, took one look at me and couldn’t get out of there fast enough.”  She sighed unhappily.  “Maybe it was just me.  I get the feeling he doesn’t like me you know.”

 

“Oh. I’m sure that’s not true,” Marlena tried to sound reassuring but she’d picked up the tension between Gene and Lucie before and she could well understand why the girl would think that. And actually, she suspected that Lucie could be right.  It wasn’t the first time Eugene had taken an irrational disliking to someone.  In fact, it reminded her rather a lot of when he’d first fallen for Calliope.

 

Shaking her head, she put the thought out of her mind.  “It’s a complicated situation Lucie.  Things are just very awkward at the moment.  He probably just didn’t expect to see you right then.”

 

“Yeah, I guess so,” Lucie’s southern drawl seemed a little subdued as she hung the last blouse in the armoire.  “Well, I think I’ll go and see how those kiddies are doing.”

 

“All right then,” Marlena didn’t know what else to say to the girl and judged that it was probably best that she didn’t say anything more right now.  Without going into the whole relationship between she and Gene it was fairly much impossible anyway.

 

She watched the young woman sweep her bobbed blonde hair from her eyes as she left the room and she sighed.  She was going to have to find Gene and talk to him, that much was obvious.

 

 

******

 

 

“Hi there. baby,” John felt his flesh start to crawl as he heard Kristen’s voice.  He had been dreading this moment, knowing that there was no way he could avoid it.  Somehow to him it signaled the end of the wonderful holiday with the woman he loved and the beginning of an incarceration of kinds with this creature.  And it wasn’t exactly something he was looking forward to.

 

“Hi honey,” he turned around, a false smile plastered on his face.  “How are you feeling?”

 

“Like a whale.”  His smile didn’t reach his blue-grey eyes and she found it difficult to maintain the façade herself.  Cracking a smile and a slight laugh, she hugged him.  “I’ve missed you.”

 

“I’ve missed you too.”  He patted her awkwardly on the back.  “I’m sorry I had to go away, the crisis at work just wouldn’t wait.”

 

“Oh, I understand,” she nodded her head complacently as she pulled away from him.  “I was worried you wouldn’t get back before the baby came though.”

 

“I was only a plane ride away,” he told her reassuringly.  “So how is my little tyke doing in there?”  He patted her stomach, trying to envisage the baby that curled within.  Would it have Marlena’s eyes or maybe her beautiful smile?  He couldn’t wait to find out.  Not least because it meant he would be released from this torture.

 

“I’m kinda worried that he hasn’t been born yet,” Kristen waddled over to the sofa and picked up the baby clothes that were piled up there.  “Don’t you think that three weeks is too much?”

 

“The doctor says it’s okay, the baby isn’t in any danger sweetheart,” John slid his arm around her shoulders.  “I’m sure if they thought there was a problem, they would induce labor.  But they want to give it the best start, you know that.”

 

“I know,” she sighed heavily.  “I’m just tired of being so huge.  It’s exhausting.”

 

“I know,” he nodded, his voice so gentle and understanding that Kristen almost found herself believing that he cared.  Almost.

 

“Will you stay here with me tomorrow?” she asked carefully

 

“Well, I have to go into work and tie up a few loose ends in the morning,” he said with a hint of regret.  “But I’ll be back after lunch, and we can spend the afternoon together.  How does that sound?”

“Work?”  Kristen looked slightly doubtful, but she appeared to relax as she thought about it.  “Okay baby, I’ll take what I can get.”

 

“Good,” John grinned as he turned back to Maya.  “So, what’s for dinner, it smells great.”

 

Kristen glared at his back for a moment and then turned away.  Everything was falling into place.  The way he was never there, the way he was so quick to dismiss her as soon as he could possibly end a conversation.  The way he looked at her, or rather *didn’t* look at her these days.  It all added up to one thing. 

 

And now Kristen just had to work out how to deal with that one thing.  Because she wasn’t about to let anything stand in her way, now that she was so close to having what she had coveted for so long.

 

Not now….. Not ever…..

 

 

******

 

 

“Oh, hi honey!” Laura’s voice sounded down the phone line.  “How did your trip go?”

 

“Uh,” Marlena didn’t quite know what to say, she wasn’t aware that Laura knew she had gone away.  And if she knew that, what else did she know?  Not that Marlena *minded* her knowing it was just….

 

“Oh honey, I….  Gene and Roman told me everything.”

 

“Everything?” Marlena repeated, a little dazed at the prospect.

 

“Well, about you and John and the baby and…” Marlena could almost hear her excited friend shaking her head in glee at the prospect.  “Well, we’re just going to have to get together so that you can fill in all the gaps for me okay?”

“Okay,” Marlena couldn’t contain the smile that broke out on her face.  She’d had to keep this a secret from nearly everyone she loved for so long now, the thought of being able to share it with a close friend like Laura was more than tempting.  “How about tomorrow?  You should come over for lunch.”

 

“Sounds divine,” Laura mentally ticked off the date in her calendar.

 

“Laura, is Gene there?” Marlena was too tired to try subtlety in changing the subject.

 

“No honey, he’s been out all day.  He said he’d be home later, after dinner.”

 

“Where would he be all day?” Marlena frowned.  It wasn’t like he had a job to go to or was even friendly with that many people in Salem.

 

“I don’t know, I didn’t think it was my place to ask,” Laura sounded a little subdued.

 

“Laura, is he alright?” Marlena’s concern slipped through her voice.  “I mean, to you does he seem okay?”

“He seems a little down, but I think he’ll be okay,” Laura was sensitive to her friend’s worry, and she wouldn’t exacerbate it any more if she could possibly help it.  “He’s obviously missing you but he’s doing his best to get on with things.”

 

“I’m worried about him Laura,” Marlena confided.  “It’s been so difficult for us all and I just….” she sighed deeply, “he got the worst of it and I can’t even help him because it’s all my fault.”

 

“I very much doubt it’s your fault Marlena,” Laura said firmly.  “And he is a grown-up.  He’s doing fine and it will get easier for him.”

 

“I hope so,” Marlena whispered, suddenly feeling very alone.

 

“Perhaps we should talk about this tomorrow too,” Laura suggested gently.  “If you tell me what happened, perhaps I can help him a little more.  And you too.  Sounds like you could use a friend who’s not so involved.”

 

“Yeah,” Marlena conceded with a nod.  “Thanks Laura, that sounds nice.”

 

“All right then, I have to go now, but I’ll see you tomorrow.  About midday?”

 

“Mmmmm,” Marlena nodded, settling back into her pillows.  “I’ll see you then.”

 

Hanging up the phone, she looked at the darkened sky outside the window.  Another night alone.  She had gotten used to waking with John beside her over the past week.  But now, once again, she was on her own.  And until the baby that Kristen carried was born, that was how it would be.

 

She shivered at the thought.  John had arranged for a guard outside the building and one in the lobby outside her apartment.  But somehow that didn’t make her feel a lot safer. 

 

Because somewhere out there, Stefano watched, and he waited.  And she knew, with a feeling in her gut that she remembered only too well, he would come for her.  He always did.

 

This time, she just had to be ready for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 125 – Irrationale

 

 

John left early the next morning, his briefcase stuffed with papers pertaining to a number of deals he was involved in.  Kristen had given him a kiss goodbye at the door and then told Maya she was going back to bed to rest since she hadn’t slept well during the night.

 

She was well satisfied that she’d pacified her jailer by her apparent docility.  Fooled her to an extent that she wasn’t as watchful as she could have been.  With silent footfalls, Kristen bypassed her own bedroom and went to the one that John was currently sleeping in.  If there was any proof here that he had been with Marlena, any proof at all, Kristen intended to find it.

 

Tying her hair back in a loose knot, she pulled his suitcase out of the cupboard.  He had evidently already unpacked everything he had taken away.  That was unusual in itself.  The John she knew often lived out of his suitcase for days after he returned from a trip.  What reason would he have to unpack everything, unless he had something to hide?

 

Pursing her lips, she chewed the inside of her lower one thoughtfully as she scanned the room.  It was neat and tidy, and nothing appeared out of place.  Going to his bed, she pulled open the drawer of the bedside table and leafed through the small amount of junk he had in there.  Nothing of consequence leapt out at her and she closed it, tapping on the soft wood with her remaining long fingernail.

 

The baby shifted inside her, sending a foot shooting into some internal organ and she wheezed painfully, lowering herself to the bed.

 

“Listen you little sh*t,” she hissed, “cut me some slack.  I’m doing my best to keep this family together so if you know what’s good for you, shut up down there.”  There was stillness for a moment and then the baby aimed a second and even harder kick as it stretched out.  Cursing, Kristen eased herself off the bed, one hand supporting her back.  She couldn’t waste time because of the little brat.  She had to find the proof before Maya discovered where she was and reported back to John.

 

Going back to the suitcase, she methodically undid all the zippers, feeling around in the pockets for anything incriminating.  In the front one she was rewarded when she found a small river-worn pebble.  She turned it over in her hand, her fingers gliding over the cool, smooth surface of the stone.

 

“So where did you come from if he was in New York?”  She narrowed her eyes as she pushed herself up, groaning as she straightened her back.  “C’mon, you have to be somewhere.  Somewhere in this room.  I just have to find you.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Hey munchkins!” John swooped down to gather Belle and Brady in his arms as he stepped through the doorway.  “Have you been good for your Momma?”  His answer was effusive nods from both the children and he looked up at Marlena, a gleam in his eye.  “And what does your mom have to say about it?”

 

“They’ve been wonderful,” Marlena’s smile was as sunny as the morning outside.  Despite her melancholic bedtime thoughts, she had actually slept very well, and she felt quite refreshed and energetic.  “Absolute angels.  I couldn’t ask for better children.”

”Alright, since you’re such good kids, how about you go and join Lucie for breakfast?  We’ll follow you in a minute.”  He lowered the kids to the floor and watched them run across the living room to the kitchen.  Brady turned around as they reached the kitchen door, watching his parents with an unspoken question in his eyes.  “Go on slugger,” John waved him into the kitchen.  “We’re right behind you.”

 

“How was your night?” Marlena asked softly as she allowed John to pull her into his arms.

 

“Oh, better than I could have expected I guess,” he murmured into her hair, savoring the feel of her in his arms.  After one night with Kristen around, making everything wrong and dirty, it was almost easy to forget how good and right this felt.

 

“She really doesn’t remember anything?” Marlena’s fingers trickled slowly through the silvering hair at his temples.

 

“She doesn’t seem to,” he shrugged.  “Either she’s totally blocked it out or she’s a much better actress than I give her credit for.”

”And she doesn’t suspect you going away?” Marlena studied his beloved face.  Already, if it was possible, he looked more worn than he had when they had arrived back last night.

 

“I hope not,” he didn’t look entirely convinced.  “She doesn’t seem overly concerned about my absence which is not exactly usual.”

 

“How is she generally?” Marlena asked him as she let him lead her slowly across the living room.

 

“I don’t really know,” John frowned.  “Placid.  Wary.  On edge?  I wouldn’t say she’s happy although she’s trying her best to make me think she is.”

 

“Being three weeks overdue and having your partner away would be enough to make anyone edgy,” Marlena pointed out reasonably.

 

“I know, but….” One corner of his mouth turned down into a half grimace.  “I don’t know Doc, there’s just something I can’t put my finger on.” 

 

“It’ll be okay,” she told him with a gentle touch of her hand on his.  “You have it covered.  Things will work out okay.”

 

“Yeah,” he nodded, conveying a certainty that he didn’t feel.  “I know they will.” 

 

Dropping his head, he covered her lips with his own, his kiss moist and warm.  “I love you Doc,” he told her quietly.

 

“I love you too,” she whispered as she squeezed his fingers. 

 

Then together they entered the kitchen to have breakfast with their children.

 

 

******

 

Kristen had rifled through almost every drawer in John’s room and was about to give up when she found it.  In the second drawer from the bottom, she detected a lump under the lining, and she had pulled out a wad of papers.

 

Taking them to the bed, she spread them out before her.  The picture was the first to catch her eye.  It was an ultrasound picture, the baby in the picture was about eighteen weeks old, and unquestionably not the one she carried.  She had all the pictures in her own room, and this was simply not one of them.  It was a picture, a baby she had never seen before.

 

Scattered between the pieces of paper were cards with penciled in times.  Times to see Dr. Robbins, Ob/Gyn.  Not Kristen’s Ob/Gyn however.  Someone else’s doctor.  Someone else’s appointments. 

 

Someone else’s baby.

 

And then there were the letters in John’s handwriting.  Letters that told their own vivid story.  A story painted with words that Kristen couldn’t tear her eyes from.  A story that spelled the end of everything she had worked for.

 

 

March 19, 1997

 

For my son or daughter,

 

I struggle daily to make sense of this situation we have been thrown into and I worry that I am not doing a very good job of it. When I found out the truth, I made a vow to protect you with everything I had until you were safe, and your mother and I could be together with you.  As it turns out little baby, that won’t be possible.

 

Eugene Bradford tells me I should talk to your mother and tell her the truth. But what risk that would bring to you. If Kristen were to ever find out…..

 

I feel like I am caught in a maze that has no exit, a riddle with no answer, and the only truth is the love I feel for you and your brother and sister. And of course, the love that I have for your mother. That is something special baby, but I am not sure that she remembers it anymore. I failed her too many times. I hurt her and let her be hurt…. how can I expect her to forgive me when I can’t forgive myself…..?

 

I want you to know that I will always be here for you. And I *will* love you and I will fight for you when you need me to. Never doubt that your mom and your dad will *always* love you.

 

Daddy

 

 

March.  Before the accident.  Before they had almost lost him.  Before things had changed between John and Marlena. 

 

Kristen swallowed the bitter bile that seared her throat as she put the letters back down on the bed.  He had wanted Marlena then.  And now, he had her.  That was more than obvious.  His extended absences, his reluctance to so much as touch her.  The picture…the appointments…. the baby.

 

Marlena wasn’t having Eugene’s child, she was having *John’s*.  And with that fact came the unavoidable truth.  He was only staying here until she had the child.  Until the danger to the baby was removed if she did something ‘stupid’.

 

Marlena had done it.  She had finally stolen John away from Kristen.  Finally seduced and tricked and trapped John back into her life and taken him from the family that *really* deserved him.  The family that he was supposed to make with her.

 

So what?  He would leave her?  Take her child?  And Marlena would have it all?  Everything Kristen had ever wanted would be laid at Marlena’s feet?  That f*cking wh*re would get everything and Kristen would be left with *nothing*.  Nothing but the scraps, tattered remnants of the life she had imagined.   The life she deserved.

 

“You think you’ve won *Doc*?” Kristen sneered at the letters and cards scattered over the bed.  “You think you’ve beaten me? Well, I’ve got news for you.  I will *never*,” with an outraged sweep of her arm, she sent the artifacts flying, “let you have him.  He’s *mine* and you can keep your filthy hands *off* him.”

 

Glaring at the scattered papers, she let the disjointed thoughts filter through her mind.  It only took a minute before she made up her mind as to what she was going to do and with deliberate sureness, she made her way down to the living room where Maya was taking a well-deserved break with a coffee and a magazine.

 

“Maya, I was wondering,” she started, sounding quite lucid.  “I can’t get the window open in my bedroom and it’s so stifling hot up there.  I think I could rest much easier if it was open so the breeze can get in.”

”Okay, I’ll see if I can pry it open,” Maya answered good-naturedly.

 

“Thanks,” Kristen managed what she hoped passed for a grateful smile as Maya moved towards the stairs.  She followed the nurse into the bedroom and silently picked up the portable that lay on the bedside table.  Then she slipped out of the room and quietly turned the key in the lock.

 

Dropping it into her pocket, she quickly made her way downstairs and swapped the phone for Maya’s purse which lay on the counter before she slid the loft door open.  Letting out a mad giggle as she heard Maya’s voice rise behind the locked door, she closed the door behind her and headed for the elevator.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena was in the bathroom when she heard the faint echo of pounding downstairs.  She dried her hands and brushed away the strands of golden hair that had fallen in her eyes, tucking them behind her ears even as they threatened to fall forward again.  Then, with gentle hands, she smoothed the green sundress over the notable bulge her stomach now made, and she smiled, despite the sense of unease that was creeping over her.

 

Downstairs the pounding grew more intense, and Marlena thought she could hear the sound of a voice.  A woman’s voice.  Her smile faded as she regarded her reflection in the mirror.  She had assured John that he had ‘things covered’.  Maybe she had been wrong.

 

She was quite sure of that fact even before she made it down the stairs.  It was definitely Kristen at her front door, demanding to be let in, letting her know in no uncertain terms that she was not happy.

 

For a moment, Marlena was torn.  She could leave Kristen out there and pretend she wasn’t home.  Perhaps she could even call security and have them remove Kristen from the building.  But what would the woman do next?  She was distraught, obviously close to the edge.  And she carried Marlena’s baby, cradled that innocent new life within her womb.

 

After John had spent all those months keeping the truth from her, sacrificing his own happiness to keep their baby safe, she couldn’t do anything that might put their child at risk now.

 

“Marlena, I know you’re in there.  Let me *in*!”  Kristen hammered on the door again.

 

Marlena stared at the door, weighing her options.  She was a psychiatrist, trained in handling situations just like this.  But then, usually a situation like this didn’t involve a woman pregnant with one’s own child.

 

She shook her head, not for the first time, at how bizarre this whole predicament was.  It wasn’t like her life had ever been anything approaching normal, but this was something that was just beyond the laws of possibility.  Things like this just didn’t happen.  Period.  Old friends didn’t pop in and turn out to be demi-gods who could disappear at the snap of a finger.  And you certainly didn’t find yourself pregnant with one twin while the woman you despised was pregnant with the other twin.  It was patently absurd.

 

Marlena shook her head trying to find some kind of steadiness of thought despite the insistent pounding which now felt like it was inside her skull.

 

“Let me in dammit!”  Kristen battered noisily on the other side of the door.  “I know you’re f***ing well in there, you b*tch.”

 

“All right, all right!”  Suddenly deciding there were no options, Marlena was at the door in two steps, unlocking it in one fluid motion.  “Come in and keep your voice down.”

 

She pulled a slightly stunned and thankfully momentarily silent Kristen into the room and slammed the door behind her.  Kristen turned on her, her eyes an eerie grey-green in a face that was a distorted mask of blandness, ill-concealing her hatred for the woman she faced.

 

“Would you mind telling me what that was all about?” Marlena demanded angrily.

 

“You know exactly what it’s about,” Kristen hissed, gaining her equilibrium with frightening swiftness.

 

“If I did, do you think I would be standing here asking you?” Marlena’s raised eyebrows conveyed her disdain quite adequately.

 

“You think you’re so high and mighty, the great Doctor Evans,” Kristen’s mouth took on the sneer she had perfected over the last couple of years, the one that made Marlena’s skin crawl.  “You think you can just walk in and take whatever you want and screw anybody who gets in the way.”

 

“I don’t know *what* you’re talking about,” Marlena replied wearily. 

 

It wasn’t entirely true; she knew Kristen was talking about John.  It always came back to John.  But he had hoped that Kristen knew nothing of the relationship between them.  She had given him no indication that she knew anything, other than his own instinctual fear. So, what had changed?  Or had Kristen indeed been toying with him the whole time?

 

“I know the truth,” Kristen snarled, edging around her prey.  “I know about your spawn *Doc*.”  Her eyes gleamed strangely feral, and she laughed, high-pitched and unhinged. “I know you got pregnant to trap John, to steal him away from me.”  He tone bubbled with vitriol and hatred as it lowered to a whisper.  She took a step forward, fixing Marlena with hate-filled eyes.  “You scheming wh*re.  You think you can just take what you want.”

 

“Don’t,” Marlena’s unwavering voice cut through Kristen’s diatribe.  “Don’t attribute your own motives to other people Kristen.”  Her words held more than a hint of warning as she rubbed her stomach protectively.

 

“Oh, don’t try and tell me that the little bastard isn’t John’s,” Kristen let out an unsteady laugh as she pointed at Marlena’s stomach with a shaking finger.

 

“I don’t know what you think you know,” Marlena was sure to keep her eye on Kristen as she edged away from her, “but this *baby* is Eugene’s.  Why would you suddenly think it’s Johns?”

 

“Oh, nice try *Doc*,” Kristen glared at her bitterly.  “But I don’t buy it.  You and that freak weren’t doing the nasty when you got knocked up.”  She waved her finger in a manner that was supposed to be threatening.  “See, you and John might think I’m stupid,” she shook her head, “but I *can* count.  I know that you screwed John right around then.”  She shook her head, dull blonde hair falling over the sallow skin of her cheeks as her face contorted into an expression that was supposed to approximate tears.  “*John*.  MY lover.  *MY* fiance.”

 

“*Your* fiance?”  Marlena couldn’t help herself, astounded once again by Kristen’s capacity for self-delusion.  “He was only *with* you because you *lied* to him and manipulated both of us.”

 

“He wanted *me*,” Kristen’s voice raised angrily, drowning out the reality that Marlena’s words spelt out.  “He came back to *me*.”

 

“Yes, he did,” Marlena said softly, reminding herself that she had to try and keep Kristen calm while also trying to convince her that she was mistaken.  It wasn’t exactly an easy task.  “He’s with you.  He’s committed to you.  So why would he do that if I was having his baby?  Don’t you think I would do everything I could to make us a family if that was the case?”  She could see the confusion and doubt echo in Kristen’s eyes as they warred within her, and she judged that this was the moment of no return.  Either Kristen would believe her at this point, or she never would.  “It doesn’t make any sense Kristen.  Why would Gene be with me and John with you if the baby were John’s?”

 

Kristen stared at Marlena suspiciously as her brain registered the questions.  It sounded….  it sounded almost reasonable, Marlena so sickeningly convincing, that she almost let herself be lulled into complacency for a moment.  But then the image of the ultrasound floated into her mind, and she snapped to attention.  She didn’t care how much sense it didn’t make.  She wasn’t an idiot, and she wasn’t about to let Marlena take her for one.

 

“If Eugene is playing the part of the loving father-to-be, then where is he?” she asked pointedly.

 

“He had to go out,” Marlena said uncomfortably as she used her hand to support the small of her back, which was beginning to ache painfully.

 

“Out?” Kristen knew Marlena was a lousy liar and this proved no exception.  “I don’t *think* so Doc.  You see, I *know* your dirty little secret and I bet when Eugene found out, he dumped your sorry ass and left town.  Probably couldn’t wait to get away from you.”  Kristen saw the discomfort register on Marlena’s face and she began to enjoy herself.  “It’s not like it’s the first time huh *Doc*?”  The nasty smile on her face became even more vicious.  “Goody two shoes Dr. Evans, pregnant with another man’s baby, forced to reveal all to her lover of the moment.”  Her eyes narrowed, but it didn’t hide the flaming hatred that consumed her as she took a step towards Marlena.  “G*d, you’re such a wh*re!”

 

“I think you should leave now,” Marlena’s voice was low and strong, belying the fact that her hands were trembling with a mixture of anger and apprehension.  Kristen’s manner, her words and her barely concealed rage were setting off alarm sirens and Marlena just wanted to get her out of the apartment before she lost her own temper and said something she might regret.

 

“Touch on a nerve did I Doc?”  Kristen giggled, but the sound of her laughter was much more manic than humorous.  “You think you can just spread your legs and John will come running?”

 

“Get out!”  Marlena brushed past Kristen and wrenched the door open furiously.  The odd thing was, she was almost as angry at herself as she was at Kristen.  She should have known that letting Kristen into the apartment was only going to cause more problems.  She was too deeply involved in this situation to be able to act rationally and her dislike of Kristen and her fear for the twins was only exacerbating matters.  She could feel her face burning with embarrassment and anger and all she could think was that she needed to get Kristen out before things got any worse.

 

“I *know*,” Kristen’s face darkened.  “I saw the pictures, I read John’s letters to your little bastard, but I *swear*,” she was shaking now, her hands white with the incendiary force of her anger.  She hated the condescending b*tch standing in front of her with a passion that was all consuming.  She just wanted to wipe the smug expression off her face, wanted to just *destroy* that face that haunted her dreams and plagued her waking moments.  “I swear you won’t have John.  You’ll *never* have him.”

 

“Look Kristen,” Marlena had finally reached the end of her patience and her voice was hard and cold, her hazel eyes a reflection of the repugnance she felt for the creature standing in front of her.  “I don’t care what you think you saw, and I don’t appreciate being harangued and insulted in my own home.  If you have a problem with John, then perhaps you should take it up with him.  But I don’t want to hear about it.  I like not having you in my life and I’d prefer it to stay that way.”  She gestured to the door and that was when Kristen saw the flash of the diamond on her left hand.  The realization of what it represented was the last straw and the brittle veneer of composure that she had tried so hard to maintain, shattered completely.

 

“You f***ing superior bitch!”  Her face was white with fury as her voice became yet louder.  “You think you can just dismiss me?  Pretend I don’t exist?  Well, I’m not going away.”  Bright red spots appeared on her cheeks as she vented her rage.  “You’re not going to f***ing well have him, you hear?  I won’t let you have him, he’s *mine*.  He’s raising *my* baby with *me*.  You won’t have him.  You’ll *never* have him!”

 

Somehow, Marlena maintained an impassive expression through Kristen’s ranting, though inside she was a fearful of Kristen’s encroaching insanity.  She hadn’t quite believed it when John had told her, but Kristen was completely psychotic, and Marlena knew she was capable of anything. 

 

However, the lack of any emotional response from Marlena only served to inflame Kristen’s rage and without warning, she flew at Marlena, slamming her against the front of the door and aiming desperate blows at her face.

 

Marlena could only vaguely hear the words that Kristen was screaming as she tried to dodge her fists.  But somehow, she knew that the intent behind them was deadly serious.

 

“I’ll kill you before you have him you b*tch!  I swear I’ll *kill* you…..”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 126 – The Road Unravelled

 

 

Marlena barely had time to think as she raised her hands to ward off the blows from the deranged harridan in front of her.  The words, although distorted by the harshness of the screaming, still registered and real, cold fear echoed inside her gut.  If she’d doubted John’s belief that Kristen was a danger before, she didn’t now.

 

Adrenaline swept through her blood, sending her pulse racing and drying her mouth.  She fended off a blow from Kristen, only to miss a slap that caught her square on.  The whole side of her face, including her nose, was numb for a moment as her mind reeled.  It was only when she tasted the salty, metallic sharpness of blood on her tongue that feeling seeped back into her face, the pain from the blow causing her knees to buckle.

 

She groped for the door handle through the red haze that clouded her senses, hoping that by some miracle, she could keep herself upright.  But oddly, she found a strong, warm arm and hands that supported her.  She could still hear Kristen’s wails, but somehow, they seemed removed.

 

It seemed like an eternity before her vision cleared enough to realize that she was practically in Peter Blake’s arms.  Kristen flailed at his impassive back as he looked down at Marlena with conflicted eyes.

 

“Are you alright?” he asked with surprising concern.  Marlena could only nod as she touched her fingers to her lips.  They came away reddened with her own blood, and she painfully ran her dry tongue over the split in the delicate skin.

 

Relieved, Peter shifted his attention to Kristen, turning around and capturing her wrists in an iron grip.

 

“That’s *enough* Kristen,” he told her in a voice that sounded very much like a command.  It seemed to work as she looked up at him, a dazed confusion registering in her grey-green eyes.

 

“I’m sorry about all this Marlena,” Peter tossed the inadequate apology over his shoulder.  “This pregnancy has put quite a strain on her.”  Well, it was mostly true.  He was just glad that the man he had watching Marlena’s building had been intelligent enough to think to call him when he had seen Kristen entering the front doors.

 

“Please,” Marlena gasped, not sure if she wanted to throw up or pass out.  “Just get her out of here.”

 

“Sure,” Peter nodded his head, not particularly wanting to wait around here anyway.  “C’mon Krissy, let’s go.”

 

He tugged on her arm and she took a step towards the open doorway.  Then, without warning, she stopped and turned, fixing hard eyes on Marlena.

 

“I meant what I said,” she said in a chillingly assured voice.

 

“Kristen!” Peter hissed as he pulled on her arm leading her out of the penthouse.  He said nothing else but turned and glanced apologetically at Marlena before he punched the elevator button. 

 

Marlena touched her face gingerly as she shut the door behind her and flinched at the pain that her fingers elicited.  Looking down, she saw that her hands were shaking and suddenly the rest of her body seemed to join in as the shock of what had just happened, hit her.

 

She made it to the sofa before her knees gave way and she caught the corner of the furniture with her hands as she sank to the ground.

 

“Oh G*d,” she whispered as her eyes filled with terrified tears.  It was as though everything John had predicted was coming true and she didn’t know what to do.  For all her education, for all her years practicing, suddenly she was as lost as she had ever been.  And for some reason, all she could do was think of Hart Bennett and how she had not known how to deal with him.  And how it had ended so tragically.

 

A tiny squirm inside her should have been soothing, but it just seemed to aggravate her distress.  Suddenly, she couldn’t hold on to her fear any longer and it spilled out as hot tears that stung her abraded skin.  Flinging her head down on her arms on the sofa she began to cry, uttering loud, choking sobs that were swallowed up by the empty apartment.

 

It wasn’t so much what had just happened that was the cause of her distress.  It was more that Marlena felt as though was the last straw in a stressful situation that she had no idea how to deal with.  This thing had been going on for so long now, since they had returned from Aremid and Marlena was just completely exhausted.  She didn’t understand why life couldn’t be simple, why John and she couldn’t be together, be a family like they deserved to be. 

 

She just wanted to wake up in his arms in the morning, watch the sun rise like they had in West Virginia, send the children off to school after breakfast together like normal parents as part of a normal family.  Surely, that wasn’t too much to ask. 

 

So why was it that it seemed so impossible to grasp?

 

She jumped as the telephone chimed behind her and lifting her head, she wiped her face miserably.  Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm the shaking which she knew would translate into her voice and picked up the receiver.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey beautiful,” John’s velvety voice echoed in her ear.

 

“Hi,” her voice dropped to a barely audible whisper and John knew instantly that something was wrong.  It wasn’t so much her voice, or how she sounded, it was just that instantly he *knew*.  In fact, he had really known before he had called her.  That niggling feeling of uneasiness in the pit of his stomach was what had made him pick up the phone and dial her number in the first place.

 

“Doc,” his voice conveyed everything he was thinking and more.  “Doc, baby, what’s wrong?  Are you okay?”

 

“I’m okay.”  The tremor gave her away and John’s brow creased in concern.

 

“Doc, you’re not okay.  Now tell me what’s going on.”  He paused for a moment and then continued, waylaying any further stalling on her part.  “Talk to me Marlena, or I’m coming straight over.”

 

“Kristen was here,” she shook as she said Kristen’s name, her hand rising in an unconscious gesture to her mouth, where her lips were already puffy and tender.  She winced as she thought about Kristen’s mania.  Her voice was raw and anxious as she spoke her next words.  “She knows John.  She knows about us.”

 

“What?!” John’s heart leapt into his throat.  “What do you mean she knows?”

 

“She said she knew about the baby.”  Marlena’s whisper was tenuous, and her throat tightened as she replayed the words in her mind.  “That she saw pictures and read letters you wrote to the baby.”

 

“Oh God,” John groaned, remembering the stash of letters he had written before the truth had come out between he and Marlena, along with the ultrasound and Marlena’s appointment schedule.  He’d hidden them in the bottom of one of his drawers and he knew Kristen must have gone searching to find them.  “What did you say to her?” he asked softly.

 

“I told her that the baby was Gene’s,” her voice was stronger now, but John could hear the fear that was underlying her words and he wished he were there to take her in his arms and calm her.  “I told her that she was imagining things… and, and I asked her why you would be with her…” she took a harsh breath, trying to pace herself but the fear was rising again and she struggled with her words.  “I tried to tell her… it wouldn’t make sense if I was having your baby… but John, she really wasn’t buying it.”  She took another deep breath in an attempt to calm herself and it seemed to work momentarily.  “You were right to be worried about her, she’s extremely unstable.”

 

“What did she say Marlena?” John knew that she wasn’t telling him everything.  He knew her so well; he didn’t even have to hear the inflections in her voice to gather that.  The control that she had garnered, even during the short course of the conversation, was enough to tip him off that she wasn’t being completely forthcoming.  “What did she say to you?”

 

“She said she knew and that I wasn’t going to have you,” she still sounded anxious, however much she was trying to hide it and John ached to hold her.  “John, I’m really frightened she might do something stupid.  Peter followed her up here and he took her away but I’m not sure if he realizes how close to the edge she is.”

 

“Peter Blake?” John sounded confused.  “What was he doing there?  Why would he be there too?”

 

“I don’t know.”  She sounded alone, vulnerable and frightened John hated to hear that in her tone.  “I’m just glad he did.”

 

“Doc, baby, did she say something to you?” he asked, worry intensifying as he heard each one of her strained words.  “Did she threaten you in some way?”

 

“It’s not important exactly what she said,” Marlena told him quickly, unable to hide the quaver that shook her voice.  “It doesn’t matter, I’m okay.  You need to find her and convince her that she’s not going to lose you.”  She knew she was babbling but she needed him to understand how urgent this was.  “If you get angry with her now, it’s only going to confirm her suspicions.  I don’t know how you can do it….”

 

“Doc, I don’t know that you are okay.”  Her breathless words only served to increase his concern.  “You don’t sound okay to me.  I’m worried about you sweetheart, and I’d rather come over there and be with you.  Peter’s with her, she’ll be fine.”

“No John, I’m not sure she will be fine,” Marlena said, the fear echoing again in her voice.  “I’m scared that she’ll do something stupid, something to get your attention.”  She began to tremble again as she remembered Kristen’s fury and the feral glare in her eyes.  “I’m frightened for our baby John.  Please.”

 

He paused for a long moment, torn between his need to be with her and make sure that she was all right and Marlena’s plea for their child.  Of course, she knew that he could never refuse her a request, especially when it was so heartfelt and when the safety of their baby was at stake…..

 

With a small sigh, he nodded.

 

“Okay Doc, I’ll go and check on her but after I make sure everything is okay with her, I’m coming back to see you and get the whole story, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Marlena nodded, allowing her shoulders to drop in a disclosure of relief.  “Just be careful John.  She’s not lucid.”

 

“I will baby,” his soft voice was reassuring, and she felt her anxiety start to dissipate.  She trusted him to take care of Kristen and the baby she carried.  After the stress of the encounter with Kristen this morning, now it was time to stop worrying and start making sure this baby here was all right. 

 

She ran a gentle hand over the light cotton that clothed her bulging stomach and smiled slightly, wincing when the angry throb in her lip and cheek reasserted itself.

 

“I miss you,” she whispered almost inaudibly.

 

“Miss you too, baby,” his silky voice made her want to curl up so that it could envelop her, as though it could somehow protect her from everything bad that wanted to overwhelm her right now.  “I’ll see you soon.”

 

 

******

 

 

When John arrived at the loft, Maya was sitting on the sofa with her head in her hands, staring at the floor.  He couldn’t see any sign of Kristen and Peter and he wasn’t sure for a moment if that was a good or a bad thing.

 

“What happened Maya?” he demanded without preamble.  “How did she get out of here?”

 

“She tricked me and locked me in the bedroom,” Maya raised miserable russet eyes to her employer.  “I’m sorry, I should have known better.  I let my guard down and she took advantage of it.”

 

“She’s here?” he asked, not bothering to assuage her guilt.

 

“In her room with her brother,” Maya twisted the ring that adorned her thumb.  She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid, and it was only by the grace of God that nothing serious had happened.  At least she *hoped* nothing serious had happened.

 

“We’ll talk about this later,” the hardness in John’s voice sent the nervous anxiety inside her into overdrive.  She couldn’t afford to get fired, not now.

 

Ignoring the tenseness of the young woman, John moved through the living room toward the stairs.  He could hear Kristen and Peter arguing, even from the base of the staircase and his own stomach tossed nervously.  He had no idea how to retrieve any kind of stability from this situation and his hand gripped the handrail tightly as the flight instinct won out over the fight for several long moments.

 

And then he recalled the fear and pleading in Marlena’s voice as she begged him to check on Kristen.  She was genuinely fearful for their child’s life and John couldn’t walk away from that, as much as instinct told him to.

 

With a deep breath, he started up the stairs.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena flinched as the knock came at the door and she roused herself from where she lay on the forgiving softness of the sofa.  Her head ached dully, and her lip was parched and painful where she had held a tissue to it to staunch the flow of blood.  She hadn’t dared to look in a mirror yet to assess any further damage.  She didn’t want to be reminded of what a hash she had made of the situation any sooner than she had to be.

 

“Marlena?” Laura’s softly feminine voice drifted through the closed door, enfolding her in the imbued concern.  Marlena looked up in shock and then looked at the clock.  She had totally forgotten that Laura was coming to lunch.  There was another knock at the door and then a pause.  “Marlena, are you there?”

 

“Just a moment Laura,” her voice was gravelly and strained as she pushed herself up, the spongy cushion giving way awkwardly under her hand.  Looking down, she cursed softly as she saw the spots of blood that she had missed.  Blood that now manifestly stained the soft lime fabric of her dress.

 

She pushed tousled hair out of her face as she made her way to the mirror.  The visage she saw reflected in the looking glass was as bad as she had expected and she groaned, the noise settling deep in her throat.  Bruising was already taking shape around her eye and blood was crusted at the bottom of her still numb nose.  Her lower lip was swollen and dark with clotted blood, contrasting with the ashen pallor of her skin and reddened eyes.

 

“Oh man,” she whispered, realizing that there was no time for her to get cleaned up before she let Laura in.  Not that there was much she could do to hide this anyway.

 

“Marlena, honey, are you okay?” Laura was getting antsy on the other side of the door and Marlena knew that there was no way she was going to avoid the inevitable inquisition that was going to take place when Laura saw her.

 

With a sigh, she walked slowly to the door, mentally cataloguing the various aches and pains as she went.  Turning the lock, she opened the door to face her friend.

 

Laura’s expression, schooled into one of happy greeting, immediately fell, shocked disquiet replacing her expectation of sharing in Marlena’s good news.

 

“Marlena, my G*d, what happened?”

 

 

******

 

 

“Kristen you can’t be serious!”  Peter stared at his sister in shock.

 

“Never more so brother dearest.”  She whirled away from him, her eyes cold and dead as she stared out of the window.  “How else can I assure the future of my family?”

 

“Krissy, you *can’t*.”  He felt a chill shimmer through him.  He had seen Kristen desperate, but never this desperate.

 

“I can do anything I *damn* well please,” she hissed.  “That b*tch has destroyed my life…. well maybe a little turnabout is fair play.”

 

“She hasn’t destroyed it…. for G*d’s sake Kristen, you can’t blame her for everything that’s gone wrong.  You knew a long time ago that John loved her.  You’ve just been hanging onto a fantasy ever since.”

 

“Don’t you *dare* tell me what I can and can’t do,” Kristen turned on him angrily.  “If you won’t back me up then you can f**king well go to hell.”  She narrowed her eyes, glaring nastily at him.  “I don’t need you anyway.”

 

They both started at the sound of the door and turned to find John standing at the threshold of the room.

 

“Could I speak to Kristen please?” he addressed the question to Peter, who was more than glad to get out of the room.  What with Kristen having lost all her marbles apparently and with John looking at a loss, he figured at the best, he’d have to pick up the pieces at some point.  He’d just rather it wasn’t right now.

 

“Sure,” he muttered as he dodged out of the room almost gratefully.

 

“So?” Kristen placed her hands on her hips and glared at John, openly hostile.

 

“What?” John wasn’t about to blurt out the truth unless he had to.

 

“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid John, I’ve had enough of that.  I suppose your precious Marlena has called you by now, complaining about the big bad Kristen.”

 

“I heard about what happened,” he said carefully.

 

“Did you hear how I found your precious letters and pictures?” her lips curled into an ugly scowl.  She stomped to the bed where she’d dropped the bundle that she had collected when she and Peter had arrived back.  Even faced with the proof, Peter had refused to become outraged on her behalf.  She had been counting on him.  Now she had to do what she had to do, alone.

 

“Yes, that’s right,” she registered the apprehensive expression on John’s face, and she scooped up the pile of papers.  “I *know*.  I know that you’ve been *lying* to me.  I *know* that that bloody bastard your precious *Doc* carries is *yours*!”  Her voice wound up to a screech and she hurled the letters at him furiously.

 

John could do nothing but look at her as a few remaining crisp papers fluttered lazily to the ground.  He couldn’t stand her, and he momentarily wondered why he had found her so irresistible at one time.  She wasn’t even attractive anymore.  She was a spent, sad, vicious crone and the sooner she was out of his life, the better.

 

“What, cat got your tongue?” she taunted disdainfully.  “Don’t know what line to spin the poor gullible Kristen now huh?”

 

“Kristen, it’s not like that,” he started softly.

 

“Well, what *is* it like John,” she screamed angrily.  “Why don’t you tell me exactly *how* I fit into your plans now that wh*re is having your baby too.”

 

“Kristen, the fact that Marlena got pregnant accidentally, the fact that she *is* having my baby doesn’t change the fact that I am committed to you.”  He hoped he could pull off the boldfaced lies, because they were about as far from the truth as he could go.

 

“Oh yeah, that’s right, how could I forget,” she laughed bitterly, the sound ringing with madness.  “You’re so in love with me you can’t wait to get away from me every day.  You won’t sleep with me, kiss me or G*d forbid, even touch me.”  She scowled at him, her eyes portraying a mixture of proprietary and hatred.  “It’s obvious you can’t stand me, so why do you even bother trying?”

 

“Kristen, honey, you know I missed out on so much work when I was in the hospital.  I really have to catch up on that stuff, I can’t help it.”  He moved closer to her; his posture deliberately trained into a likeness of supplication.

 

Kristen looked at him suspiciously.  She wanted to believe him, but how could she, when every nerve in her body screamed at her that he was still lying?

 

“If that’s true then why did you lie to me?”  She grasped the bedstead with gnarled fingers.  “You’ve obviously been to appointments with *her*,” she waved her free arm at the papers scattered on the floor around John.  “You’ve been sneaking around behind my back for *months*.  Why should I believe *anything* you say?”

 

“Baby,” the endearment stuck in John’s throat, and he had to force himself to carry on.  “I’m sorry, I should have told you the truth.  But I didn’t know how to tell you.  I didn’t find out for the longest time and when I did,” he sighed and shrugged, “I know how insecure you are about our relationship and I’m sorry if that’s my fault too.  I just didn’t want to hurt you and I knew how you would feel about Marlena having my baby.”  He was silent but Kristen matched it with a stare that dared him to finish his explanation.  He cleared his throat and curled his fists as he shoved them into his pockets.  “I knew you would see her as a threat and with the pregnancy as delicate as it was, I just wanted to spare you as much stress as I could.”

 

“And Marlena went along with that out of the goodness of her heart?” Kristen asked disbelievingly.

“Doc knows I am committed to you, Kristen.  She wouldn’t ask me to break up the family we are creating.  And she has Eugene now anyway.  The baby might not be his, but he will bring it up as if it were.”

 

“And you can do that?” Kristen raised her eyebrows.  “Watch another man bring up your child and not be involved.”

 

“If I have to.”  She could hear the strain in his voice and her mind ticked over as she watched him shift uncomfortably before her.

 

You’re lying John.  You’re lying and someone is going to be punished because of it.

 

 

******

 

 

“Kristen did this to you?” Laura was horrified as she helped Marlena sit down on the sofa.

 

“It’s a long story Laura,” Marlena said, exhaustion suffusing her words.

 

“Did she find out the truth about you and John?” Laura asked quietly.

 

“She found out that this is John’s baby and she pretty much guessed everything else,” Marlena replied despondently, her hand resting on the rounded curve of her belly.  “I tried to tell her she was mistaken but she wouldn’t buy it.”

 

“And she attacked you?” Laura lifted her hand to Marlena’s face to examine the bruising but pulled away as Marlena flinched.

 

“She’s psychotic Laura.  If Peter hadn’t arrived, G*d only knows what would have happened.”  A small shudder ran through Marlena as she considered the possible outcomes of what had occurred.  None of them were particularly pleasant.

 

“You’ve told John about this.”  It was a statement rather than a question.

 

“I told him she came over, yes.”

 

“But you didn’t tell him that she hit you?”  Laura was stunned for the second time since she had arrived.  “Marlena, why ever not?  Surely you know he’d be right over here if you told him.”

 

“That’s why I couldn’t,” Marlena was hoarse as she stared at her hands, which were fiddling nervously.  “He needed to go and make sure Kristen was all right first.”

 

“But what about you?” Laura asked with a touch of annoyance in her voice.  “I think you deserve more of his attention than Kristen does.”

 

“Laura, it’s not that easy,” Marlena looked over at her friend struggling to think through the ache that clouded her mind.  “There’s something else that Kristen doesn’t know.  Somehow, and don’t ask me how because I really can’t explain it, but she’s carrying *my* baby too.  A baby that is genetically John’s and mine.  So, you see, I can’t just write her off and pretend she doesn’t exist and neither can John.”

 

“What?” Laura wondered vaguely why revelations like these always came in threes.  “How…. how is that possible?”

 

“I don’t know,” Marlena shrugged her shoulders.  “Laura, I really don’t know, but Mike confirmed it for us so it’s true.”

Laura’s face flashed with emotion as she struggled to make sense of what Marlena was telling her.  She was confused and she was angry, but most of all, she was deeply concerned about Marlena right now.

 

“Let me get some thing to clean those cuts,” she offered finally.

 

“All right,” Marlena watched her shed her light linen jacket and make her way to the bathroom and then she shook her head.  Everything was such a mess.  She didn’t understand how it had got that way so fast.  Not that this hadn’t been going on for what seemed like forever.  But all of a sudden, everything seemed to be slipping out of her grasp and it frightened her. 

 

She heard Laura re-enter the room and she forced herself to drop the train of thought as her friend kneeled down in front of her.

 

“All right honey,” Laura lifted a warm washcloth to her face, “this might sting a little.”

 

Marlena winced as Laura dabbed at the blood that was crusted under her nose and on her lips.

“There’s not going to be much that we can do about the bruising at this point, I can get some ice if you want.”  She put down the cloth and gently applied some antiseptic cream to the cuts that marred Marlena’s lips.

 

“Laura, I couldn’t tell him,” Marlena retreated to the previous conversation quietly.  “You know how he is, how protective he gets.  If he knew Kristen had even threatened me, let alone hurt me, he wouldn’t be able to go through this charade any longer.”

 

“So, you play silent martyr again Marlena?”

 

“I have to.”  Her hazel eyes were dark with sorrow.  “Laura, she tried to kill herself when she thought John had left her and she very nearly succeeded.”  She took Laura’s hand and squeezed it.  “Laura, you know I can’t put my baby at risk.  I just can’t do it.”

 

Laura looked down at the carpet and then at Marlena again.

 

“You know, I just can’t bear to see you putting yourself second all the time.  I want so badly to see you get the happiness you deserve, and I hate that you always put everyone else first.”  She sighed deeply as she saw the pain in Marlena’s golden eyes.  She loved her friend so dearly; she would do anything to help her.  “I am trying to understand though.”

 

“You’re a wonderful friend,” Marlena managed a taut smile, but it was followed by a slight flinch as the pain sent an unwelcome reminder across her chafed nerves.  “I know you care and I’m *so* grateful for it.”

 

“You know I’ll always be here if you need me,” Laura returned Marlena’s smile with a gentle one of her own.  Marlena was always so good to those around her, if only she could be as good to herself.

 

“For what it’s worth, John is coming back here when he’s done at Kristen’s,” Marlena shrugged her shoulders tightly.  She hoped he was anyway.  Who knew what was going on over at the loft and if he was going to be able to get away.

 

The thought that she might not see him wasn’t exactly heartening and Marlena felt her hands tremble involuntarily.

 

“Honey, it’s okay to let it out,” Laura prompted her softly.  “You’ve just been through a very stressful experience.”

 

“I’m okay,” Marlena nodded stoically, drawing her hands away from Laura in an effort to compose herself.  “I… when Kristen left…. before you came over…” She looked at her friend with sad eyes.  “There are only so many tears, Laura.”

 

“Well just remember that you don’t have to be strong with me, *or* with John.  We know better than to expect you to be superhuman,” her lips took on a quirky smile.  “To tell you the truth, sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not perfect.  Means there’s some hope for the rest of us.”

 

“Oh Laura,” a tiny chuckle slipped from Marlena’s throat.  Then she became serious again as she laid her hand over Laura’s.  “Thank you.  But I can’t say that by the time this whole nightmare is over you won’t think I’m anything *but* perfect.”

 

“Anytime you need my shoulder honey,” Laura tilted her head to one side, “you know where I am.  But I think what you *really* need to do is trust in John.  He knows what’s important and I think you can trust that he won’t let you down again.”

 

“You think he’s learnt his lesson?” Marlena asked with amusement.

 

“He better have, or he’ll have all the Brady’s and Horton’s to answer to!” Laura grinned.  “But really, I think he loves you deeply and he knows what it’s like to lose you.  He won’t ever risk that again.”

 

“I don’t think he will either.”  Marlena let out a long, slow breath.  “I don’t want to contemplate my life without him Laura.  Now I have him back….”  She shook her head, a sliver of real, tangible fear slipping through the emotional armor she had erected.  “Until I know for sure Stefano is dead, I’ll never be able to be secure in our future.”

 

“Just hang on in there, honey,” Laura pulled her into a hug.  “Things will get better soon, I promise you.  Roman and Abe will find Stefano and then things will be okay.  You just have to have faith.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Can you forgive me?” John asked carefully.  “I really am sorry baby.”

 

Kristen looked at him, still processing her options through her mind.  If she told him the truth, that she didn’t believe him and likely never would, he would leave her and go to Marlena.  That much was sure.  But if she played along, she could buy herself some time.  Some time to deal with the problem at hand.  Some time to make sure the problem would never be a problem again.

 

“You swear you love me?” she asked pointedly.

 

“Yes, I love you, I promise,” John didn’t know how he had it in him to lie so easily, but he managed it.

 

“You promise you and I and this baby will be a family?”

”I promise Kristen.  I love this baby and I’m committed to its mother.  We will be a very happy family, I can promise you that.”  However dire the situation, John was a man of his word, and if he could help it, he didn’t want to make vows he couldn’t keep.

 

“All right then,” she said softly as she held out her arms.  “I forgive you.”

 

“You don’t know how happy that makes me,” John wrapped his arms around her, trying to relax his tensing muscles.

 

“I can only imagine,” Kristen whispered, resting her head against his shoulder.

 

Not as happy as it will make me when I see Dr. Marlena Evans Brady dead and buried.

 

For there was only one way to ensure Marlena and her spawn would never be a threat again.  And Kristen had no qualms about carrying through with her plans.

 

When she was done, Marlena would be dead, and John would be hers forever.

 

 

Chapter 127 – A Severed Thread

 

Peter Blake’s eyes bore into the floor as he paced angrily across the living room of John Black’s loft.  The more he thought about the events of the day, the more furious he became.  Kristen had seemingly lost her grip on reality, but she’d been pushed to it by the actions of a man who had once claimed to love her.  She had been used and tossed aside when John had tired of her, and it was only circumstance that kept her in his life.  And that circumstance was slowly destroying her.

 

*

 

When John was satisfied the rising and falling of Kristen’s chest was too regular to be faked, he disengaged himself from her grip and pushed himself off the chair.  Silently he made his way out of the room and closed the door.

 

She’d argued when he suggested that she try and get some sleep, but her pregnant body turned traitor and she found herself yawning as he led her upstairs to the bed.  It hadn’t taken long for her to lose the battle with her heavy eyelids and John was more than happy to get away from her.

 

Downstairs he found Peter waiting for him, his expression stormy.

 

“I know what you’ve been up to Black.  You might be able to snow Kristen, but I *know* you’ve been lying.”  His lips thinned as he glowered at the man he held responsible for his sister’s growing insanity.  “I know you went away with Marlena.  And the only reason I haven’t told Kristen the truth is because I’m afraid of what it would do to her.  If it wasn’t for that, I’d let you fry.  You *and* your girlfriend.”  He sneered, leaving John in no doubt as to how he felt about him.  “You are responsible for *everything* that’s happened to that woman up there,” he pointed in the direction of the staircase not allowing John even a moment to reply.  “If she’s lost her mind, it’s because *you* broke her heart through your lying and cheating.  Because you didn’t have the guts to make a decision and stick to it.”   He neared John, his hands on his hips, his posture overtly threatening.  “It’s your fault that she’s in this state.  You got her pregnant and then abandoned her emotionally.  So, the way I see it, you have a responsibility to Kristen and her baby and you’d better live up to it.  It’s about time you got your priorities straight Black.”

 

“Why the hell are you wasting your time with this?” John wasn’t about to back away from Peter.  In fact, he was so angry about what Marlena had been put through that this seemed like the ideal moment to take it out on someone.  “Because if you think you can threaten me over your sister, you’re as delusional as she is.” 

 

Sidestepping Peter, he walked over to the counter, staring at the grey-blue surface as he wondered abstractedly where Maya had gone.  Peter wasn’t about to let him get the last word and he followed John to where he faced him across the burnished steel sink.

 

“My sister is lying up there, her mind as good as scrambled and you act like you couldn’t give a sh*t,” Peter pounded the smooth counter-top with his fist.

 

“To be blunt, I don’t,” John returned angrily.  “Your sister brought this all on herself.  Her downfall was entirely her own doing and neither I nor Marlena are going to take the blame for her evil doings.” 

 

 

Peter opened his mouth to argue, but John stepped up to him intimidatingly.  “Your precious sister did *everything* in her power to keep Marlena and me apart.  She lied and she schemed, and she played on our loyalty.  And she twisted and used our love for each other against us.”  He pointed at Peter; his face full of fury.  “She knew exactly what she was doing when she did that.  She knew what she was doing when she helped Stefano kidnap Marlena.  She knew *exactly* what she was doing when she tried to trap me by getting pregnant.  When she used some vile contraption to hypnotize me, so I didn’t know I was sleeping with her.  When she for all intents and purposes *raped* me.”  He noted the lack of surprise in Peter’s eyes, and he nodded.  “I’ll bet you even knew about that didn’t you?  You probably even helped her.”  He shook his head in disgust.  “You DiMera’s are all cut from the same foul cloth.”

 

Peter said nothing, just stared at John, his mind reeling with the revelations.  He had never entirely approved of Kristen’s machinations to keep John and now they were coming back to haunt him.  For a moment, he could hardly blame John for how he felt.

 

John scowled at Peter, his hatred for everything that Kristen had become spilling out in words that he seemed to have no control over.

 

“So don’t come across all holier than thou with me Blake.  I *know* what kind of woman Kristen *really* is and I *despise* her for it.  I’m only with her now to make sure that the baby comes to no harm.”  His voice dropped, hard and passionate.  “For the first time in a long time, I actually *have* my priorities straight.  And let me tell you this,” he pointed at Peter again, remembering the fear in Marlena’s voice as she had spoken to him on the phone earlier.  “If either of you even *contemplate* harming Marlena in *any* way, I will make sure that you *both* pay.  Big time.”

 

Peter’s impassive face didn’t betray his whirlwind of thoughts.  He wondered if John knew that Kristen had hit Marlena and he wondered if John had overheard Kristen’s threats in the bedroom before he had arrived.  When she had threatened to remove Marlena Evans.  Permanently.

 

And for all his loyalty to Kristen, he couldn’t even fathom Stefano’s reaction if he found out his daughter was talking about killing Marlena.  He just had to make sure it didn’t come to that.

 

John was too irate to read anything into Peter’s silence.  He just knew that he had to get out of here and find Marlena.  For as wrong as everything seemed in his world right now, she could make it right.

 

Sweeping past Peter, he grabbed his jacket and yanked the door of the loft open.

”*Don’t* leave her unless the nurse is here,” he growled before he slammed the door closed behind him.

 

 

******

 

“So why don’t you tell me what happened with Eugene,” Laura asked as she poured a cup of tea for herself.  “How did things end between you?”

 

“When I realized I was pregnant,” Marlena had changed into a pair of baggy denim dungarees over a white T-shirt and with her hair scraped back into a ponytail, she was looking a little less harried.  “Once we knew that, we just couldn’t go on.”  She sighed, drawing her sock-clad feet up underneath her as she pushed the melting ice-pack to one side.  “It should never have happened to begin with.”

 

“So, how did he take it when you told him?” Laura asked.

 

“He was good.  He understood,” Marlena accepted the cup of tea that Laura handed her and quickly transferred it to the table.  Her hands were still shaking and spilling scalding hot liquid in her lap was the last thing she needed.  “He did everything he could to persuade me to tell John the truth about the baby.”

 

“But you didn’t?” Laura sat down on the couch opposite her.

 

“I tried to.”  An expression of regret swept her face.  “But we ended up arguing before I could and then when he found out, he assumed the baby was Gene’s.”

 

“Messy.”  Laura took a sip of her tea, noting that Marlena’s eyes were alighting anywhere but on her face.  Obviously, these memories were very painful for her and held more than a modicum of embarrassment or even shame.  She vowed silently to do everything she could to help Marlena through this.  She only wished she’d known earlier.

 

“Very,” Marlena nodded.  “And then you know what happened next.  Roman and Eugene talked me into going to the party at the Grill.”  She shook her head angrily.  “What a *stupid* thing to do.  As though showing up pregnant wasn’t going to hurt my children and my family.”

 

“Marlena, honey you did the best that you could,” Laura reminded her.

 

“I guess so,” Marlena frowned.  “I just wish my best could have been better.”

“We *all* wish that,” Laura offered her a small smile.  “So, you told John after the shooting?  The truth about the baby I mean.”

 

“Yes,” that brought a twitch of a smile to Marlena’s lips.  “He couldn’t believe it; he was just over the moon.”

 

“I’ll just bet he was.”  Laura could imagine what it had been for John to discover that Marlena did indeed still love him and that they were having a child together.  It must have been almost overwhelming.

 

“I wanted to believe that everything would be all right then,” Marlena ran weary hands over her face.  “I thought the worst was behind us, but then Gene started withdrawing and behaving oddly and John wasn’t much better.”

 

“Jealousy?” Laura raised her eyebrows.

 

“You know, it took me *weeks* to work that out,” Marlena laughed bitterly at the irony.  “Some shrink, huh?”

 

“Marlena, you are a wonderful doctor and you *know* that when you are caught in the middle of a situation, it’s not always easy to see the forest for the trees.”

 

“I didn’t *want* to see it Laura,” Marlena leaned over and picked up her cup of tea, wrapping her hands tightly around it in hopes it would reduce the trembling that bothered her fingers.  “It was too painful.  I didn’t want to admit that what I had done had hurt two people I love very deeply.”

 

“And who love you,” Laura pointed out.  “I don’t expect they blame you.”

 

“John did,” Marlena cracked a small grin, taking almost perverse delight in proving Laura wrong.  “Matter of fact so did Gene.  We had the most G*d-almighty row the night before John and I went away.”

 

“Who?” Laura was a little confused.

 

“John and I.  And then Gene and I.  And then John came back for another go round,” she took a sip of tea and let it flood across her tongue, the taste of the tannins oddly refreshing.

 

“Wow, so that’s why Eugene left?” Laura put her cup down on the table and leaned forward.  “So, the last time you saw him you were fighting?”

 

“Well, the fight had ended,” Marlena shrugged her shoulders, trying to ease the tension out of them.  “We had resolved it to the point where he and I agreed that the best thing for all of us would be if he left.”

 

“So, he left, just like that?”

 

“Just like that,” Marlena nodded, a small frown on her face.  “Thank you for taking him in Laura.  I was in such a state that night that I could barely even think straight.  I should have made sure he had somewhere to go.”

 

“Marlena, he’s a grown man,” Laura resisted the urge to roll her eyes.  “Would you stop trying to take responsibility for everything that happens around you?”

 

“Okay, okay,” Marlena nodded finally under Laura’s forceful stare.  “I know what you’re saying.  It’s just hard for me to not be in control you know?”

 

“I know,” Laura nodded, “but you and I both know the answer to that.”

 

Marlena sighed and looked out of the window.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy because all this stuff is happening around me, like I’m in some kind of emotional tornado and I just can’t seem to reach out and grab anything to make it slow down.”

 

“As long as you’re emotionally centered and you’ve dealt with any *real* culpability,” Laura paused, “not all this imagined stuff that you’re reaching out for, then you can deal with it, Marlena.”

 

“I know,” Marlena shifted cinnamon-colored eyes back to her dear friend and a crooked smile eased her nervous expression.  “I know, sometimes I just need you here to remind me.”

 

“Well, I’ve spent too much time feeling sorry for myself,” Laura chuckled deprecatingly.  “I’m not about to watch you do it too.”

 

“So given what you now know, how do you think Gene is doing?” Marlena asked after a moment.

“He’s up and down but I think that’s to be expected.” Laura sat back against the cushions again and swallowed another mouthful of tea.  “He obviously misses you.  He’s not ‘over you’ by any stretch of the imagination, but then I guess that’s why he moved out.”

 

“He told me he was having dreams about me,” Marlena’s voice was husky with what Laura took to be embarrassment.  “About making love to me.  They were obviously…” she searched for the right word.  “Distracting.”

 

She grimaced, thinking about Eugene and his dreams.  It seemed so unlike him.  Not that he was a model of restraint, but it didn’t seem like him to be so out of control.  At least the Eugene she knew.  Or had known.

 

“I could imagine that might cause a problem,” Laura said quietly.  It could cause a major problem in a friendship, they both knew, but Marlena didn’t need that pointed out right now.  She had bigger things to worry about, she didn’t need to be feeling guilty about something else she couldn’t control.  The best thing Laura could offer her now was support and reassurance.  Then maybe she could help Eugene deal with his feelings in time.  She took another sip of her tea and nodded.  “I think he just needs time, honey.  Just a little space to get his head clear.  I can’t imagine that he will let your friendship go because of a silly mistake.”

 

“Sometimes when you love someone and they don’t love you back, you don’t have a choice,” Marlena said sadly.

 

“Well, I don’t see that happening in this case,” Laura wasn’t about to be swayed.  “I’ll see what I can do to help in the meantime though.”

 

“Thanks,” Marlena smiled, putting her own cup on the table.  “Sometimes I wonder if this mess will ever get cleared up.”

 

“Of course it will,” Laura winked at her, “you just have to have faith remember?”

 

They both turned at the sound of the door.  Marlena felt her heart pounding in her throat as the handle turned and the door swung open.

 

“John!” she was momentarily glad to see him until she saw the shock on his face and realized that he hadn’t been expecting her to look… well, battered.

 

“Doc, my G*D!”  He was by her side almost immediately, his exclamation almost trailing him as he blinked in alarm.  “Did….. did *Kristen* do this?”

 

Marlena wanted to say something, anything that would stop the anger that was about to burst forth.  But somehow it was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears and she nodded, her lower lip trembling almost indiscernibly.

 

John was lost for words for a moment, fear and rage playing a discordant symphony through his mind and his heart.  Kristen had *hit* Marlena, she had actually physically struck her.  Drawn blood.

 

“Dammit Doc, why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded angrily.  “If I’d known she’d done this to you….”  He was shaking with the injustice of it, and he backed away from her as he tried to get a grip on his anger.  Her eyes were reddened, but he didn’t know if it had been from the blow or if she had been crying.  He could see the turmoil of emotions that were poorly masked in them, and he turned away from her and planted his hands on the desk behind him.  He could feel the rage building up behind his eyes and suddenly he grabbed the small vase next to his hand and hurled it at the wall.  “G*ddamn-” 

 

Marlena flinched as she took a step back from John.  She had pretty much expected this, but it didn’t make it any easier.  Yet this couldn’t get any more out of control than it already was.  She had to bring him back to her before he did something stupid. 

 

John was still so irate that he barely noticed as Marlena laid a trembling hand on his arm.

 

“That’s why I couldn’t tell you,” she said softly as she tugged on his arm.  He turned around to find her eyes shining with unshed tears and he immediately felt like a complete b*stard.  “Look at how you reacted just now.  If you’d found out *before* you’d gone to see Kristen….”  She sighed and shook her head gently.  “I knew how angry you’d be and that you’d go over there, looking for some kind of vengeance.  I couldn’t risk it.  I couldn’t be sure that you’d be able to control that anger, that she wouldn’t use it against you.  There’s too much at stake.  It was just too risky.”

 

“But she *hurt* you Doc,” he touched his fingers to the bruise that shaded her nose and she winced despite herself.  “G*d you see?  I…. How can I sit back and do nothing knowing that she hurt you?”

”This,” Marlena pointed to her face, “is nothing worse than what she’s already done.  The difference is that you can see this, and it will fade faster.  John, I want her to pay for what she’s done as much as you do.  But not now.  Not when we’re so close.”  She gripped his arm with the fingers of both hands.  “I’m not asking you to like it, I’m just asking you to let it go, for now, okay?”

 

John took a deep breath and studied her face, his eyes sweeping over the mottled purple of the bruising that circled her eye.  Her lower lip was swollen and cut, and the side of her face appeared a little puffy.  If anyone had laid a hand on her he would have been outraged, but the fact that it had been Kristen was utterly horrendous to him.  If he could get his hands on her right now, he’d be hard pressed to resist wringing her ugly, scrawny neck.  Unfortunately, Marlena was right.  He couldn’t afford to let his anger and his protectiveness screw things up now.

 

“Okay.”  He nodded.  “But once the baby is born, Doc, all bets are off.”

 

“Once the baby is born, I have absolutely no problem with that.”  Marlena wasn’t about to argue with him on that point.  Not now, not given how much she loathed Kristen at this moment.

 

“I think I should go,” Laura interrupted the moment as she placed her cup on the table and made to stand.

 

“Oh Laura, I’m sorry,” John’s expression conveyed his awkwardness at realizing Laura Horton was there.

 

“It’s okay John,” Marlena squeezed his arm.  “Laura knows everything.”

 

“Everything?” John’s eyes widened and Laura smiled and nodded.

 

“Everything.”

 

“Good.”  Once he had thought it through, he decided that it was a very good thing that Laura knew, and very fortuitous at this moment.  “Laura, don’t go right now.”  He turned back to Marlena and laid his hands on her shoulders.  “Doc, I don’t know that Kristen bought my lies, so the only way to make sure she doesn’t pull a stunt like this again is to stick close to her until the baby is born.”  At the sight of her golden eyes darkening at the realization of what that meant, he lifted his hands to cup her face.  “Baby, it can’t be long now and then we’ll all be together.”

 

“I know,” she whispered, dropping her head so that he wouldn’t see the tears that filled her eyes.  He wasn’t fooled for a moment though and he brought her back up to face him, using his thumbs to wipe away the falling moisture.

 

“I know that you’re not going to like this, but I need backup.  I need to have someone here to make sure Stefano doesn’t get in while I’m… otherwise occupied.”  She gazed at his face and saw the lines that ran in furrows across his brow.  He was suffering with this even more than she was.  He carried on voicing his fears as though they were solid reality, which quite possibly, they were.  “And in the event that Kristen somehow gives me the slip, she’s gonna come straight here and I do *not* want you here alone.”  His thumbs stroked her cheeks gently so that even the throbbing of her bruise seemed to slow.  “You can argue with me on this but for once Marlena, you won’t win.  I want Gene back here and I want him here before Laura leaves.”

 

“But John,” she started but he pressed a finger to her lips. 

 

“Listen to me Doc. This is *serious*.  Kristen is capable of *anything*.  So is Stefano.  I will *not* leave your safety to chance.  Do you understand me?”  His eyes scrutinized her for any hint of argument, and she knew he was deadly serious.  There was no way she was going to win this one.  And she wasn’t even sure she wanted to.  After this morning, she was taking his fears all too seriously and she was frightened.

 

“All right,” the words were quiet, but unmistakable.

 

“Good girl,” John nodded, hugging her to him tightly.  “Laura, Eugene is staying with you?”  Laura nodded in the affirmative, figuring Marlena must have told him that piece of news sometime this morning.  “Would you call him and let him know what’s happened?”

 

“Of course.”   She had been unsettled by the anxiety that suffused John’s words to Marlena and unnerved by the apparent danger that Marlena was in.  If she knew anything, it was that you should never underestimate a DiMera, and she was glad that Marlena had John there to remind her of this fact.

 

“Hello?”  A male voice echoed in the earpiece of the portable phone.

 

“Eugene, it’s Laura.”

 

“Oh, hi,” he sounded vaguely disappointed.

 

“Listen, I’m over at Marlena’s and there’s been a bit of trouble.”  Laura looked over at John and Marlena.  He was holding her, and she had her face hidden against his shoulder.  His palm traveled in large circles over her back as he whispered to her tenderly.

 

“What kind of trouble?” Eugene’s voice suddenly rang with alarm.

 

“Kristen got out of the loft and came over here while John was at work.  She found out that Marlena’s baby is John’s and she threatened her and then hit her.”

“She *hit* her?!  My G*d, is she okay?”  Q could feel the panic bubbling inside of him as he waited for Laura’s answer.

 

“She’s just fine.  A little shaken up and a little bruised but she’s safe.  For now.”

 

“John?”  Even as he asked the question, a single thought repeated through his mind.  Dammit, he was right.  I shouldn’t have left her.  I shouldn’t have been so damn selfish.

 

“He’s here but he’s going to have to go back to the loft to keep an eye on Kristen.  He’s worried that she might try something like this again if she has the opportunity.”

“If she did, there’s no telling….” He trailed off, feeling sick.  They had predicted this, and they had predicted worse….

 

“Exactly.”  Laura nodded, knowing that Eugene understood exactly what the risks were.  “He doesn’t have any choice but to stick close to her, but he can’t leave Marlena unprotected.”

 

“Which is why you’re calling me,” Q nodded, his mind racing. 

 

He had no choice here.  His duty, his whole reason for still being here, was to make sure nothing happened to Marlena.  Besides that, if he were to stand by while she was hurt, he would never, ever forgive himself.

 

“Tell them I’ll be right over,” he said determinedly.

 

“I will.”  Laura put down the phone and turned back to the couple on the sofa.  Marlena was shaking her head as she looked at John.

 

“It’ll be over soon sweetheart, I promise you,” he told her softly.  “And then we will be able to spend every moment together if we want.”  Marlena obviously remained unconvinced as she dipped her head.  With nothing left to say, John closed his eyes and pressed his lips to her blonde mane, content to just hold her for as long as he could.

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen stared at the window, seeing nothing of the blue sky outside the room.  Her world no longer contained such tangibles as sky and air and earth.  The only element left within Kristen DiMera’s bleak soul was fire.  A fire of jealousy and wrath that burned everything in its path.  Obliterating all remaining vestiges of sanity and reality, it consumed her fully, leaving only one active thought in her mind.  The thought… the desire… the lust for revenge.

 

She cackled gleefully as she let the scenarios play through her mind.  How would she like to see Marlena die best?  See her skull shattered by a bullet, her pretty face destroyed so that her beloved would have to bury her in a closed casket? 

 

But no, that wouldn’t do.  She wanted to see the fear in *Doc’s* eyes as she died.

 

So… perhaps a knife?  Kristen mimicked stabbing motions with her closed fist, her eyes heavy lidded, a vicious smile curling her lips.  The thought of seeing the crimson blood pool on the floor as life ebbed away.  She could almost feel Marlena’s blood on her hands, sticky and cooling and she closed her eyes, letting the pleasure rush through her.  Yes, that might be it.

 

That might be just the thing…..

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 128 – Squaring Off

 

 

Damn her!

 

The words ran through Q’s thoughts like an incessantly irritating toy locomotive on a shortened track.  He was perched on the back of the sofa across from Marlena and he was studying the bruising on her face.  Kristen had managed to land a pretty good blow and it looked painful.  He would heal that for her, if she would let him.  But it would have to be later, when Laura wasn’t around.  For now, he could only listen as John spoke.

 

“Eugene, I know you left for a reason and I’m sure you really don’t want to be here, but I’m asking you for Marlena’s sake.”  John was feeling highly irritable, and he rubbed his face tiredly as he spoke.  The last few weeks were really starting to take their toll on him.

 

“I know what’s at stake John.  You don’t need to spell it out for me.”  Q felt more than a little impatient.  Marlena was avoiding his gaze and it made him even more uncomfortable than he already felt.  Not the least because he felt he was under the scrutiny of Laura Horton.  He liked Laura and enjoyed her company but to involve her in the mess that was his friendship with Marlena…?  He sighed silently as he thought about the implications.  It wasn’t exactly conducive to a budding friendship to have all of one’s flaws laid out in the open like one was part of some ridiculous psychoanalytic study, was it?

 

“Good.  Then you know how important it is that Marlena has round the clock protection.”  John’s voice was tight with stress and his fists were curled up into frustrated balls.  There was absolutely *nothing* about this situation that he liked, but he felt powerless to fix it. 

 

He hadn’t expected to feel quite so antagonistic when Eugene walked into the room, but then, maybe old habits die hard.  They had cleared the air for the most part, but it was hard to stop feeling such overwhelming emotions overnight.  As it was, they were now manageable, and he was able to bite his tongue.  Mostly. 

 

“Within *reason* that is.”

 

“Oh, for goodness sake!”  That was enough to rile Marlena’s temper.  It had been a hell of an afternoon and her patience was fraying in concert with John’s.  “I don’t *need* to be babied John.  I’m not helpless, I don’t need a bodyguard and I *certainly* don’t need you two sniping at each other every time you’re in the same room.  I thought we’d been through this?”

 

There was a pause and then John’s shoulders drooped.

 

“You’re right, I’m sorry, Doc.”  He looked at Q, but his fists still tensed unconsciously, the balls of his knuckles whitening with each tightening of his muscles.  “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.”

 

“Apology accepted,” Q knew John’s sincerity was limited but he wasn’t about to make things any more difficult than they had to be.  John turned immediately back to Marlena, filled with the necessity to convince her that this was in her best interests.

 

“But Doc, you *do* need to be protected, I know how independent you are and how much you hate being looked after…”

 

“Damn *right* I do,” Marlena had all but forgotten her earlier terror and she felt herself becoming indignant.  “I don’t like being patronized John.”

 

“You’re not being patronized Doc.  We’ve been through this.”  He was frustrated by her stubbornness, as usual, but he knew how to choose his battles.  This was one he wouldn’t lose.  “I need to know you’re safe and I can’t trust an alarm to make sure you’re okay.  Stefano can make it past those with no problems.  He’s proven that before.”

 

“Nothing’s foolproof,” she countered.  “Not even Gene.  There’s always variables.”

 

“But there’s fewer variables for me to worry about with Eugene here,” John frowned.  “Dammit Marlena, why do you have to be so argumentative?”  He turned to Eugene who shrugged and rolled his eyes in a ‘here we go again’ intimation.

 

John turned back to Marlena and sighed.

“Doc, stop being so damn headstrong and stubborn and listen to me.”  He kneeled down in front of her and took her hands in his own, despite the fact that they were hot and sticky.  “If you won’t think of yourself, think of me and of your children.  Think of the baby you carry in there,” he nodded to her stomach.  “Do you really want to risk the safety of that tiny life?” 

 

Marlena was silent for a moment as though she was trying to find a retort.  Then she let out a gentle breath.

 

“No,” her expression conveyed her chagrin.

 

“I didn’t think so.”  He reached up to rearrange her bangs with his finger.  “I don’t want to leave you, but I have no choice.  This is the only option I have.  I’d put anyone else in here with you, but you know as well as I do what Eugene can do.  I’d be an idiot not to utilize that.”

 

“I know,” she sighed.  “I just…”  He touched a finger to her lips and shushed her.

 

“Humor me Doc.  I just have to do this.”  His eyes, a brilliant china blue, were glistening.  “I couldn’t bear it if anything were to happen to you and the baby now.”

 

“All right,” she nodded, leaning so that her forehead touched his in a kind of intimate communion.  “I won’t fight you on this.  And I promise I’ll be careful.  But only *if*,” she pulled back and lanced him with a stare, “*you* promise to be careful as well.”

 

“I promise Doc,” he let out a breath of relief and then answered her smile with a grim one of his own. 

 

They all needed to be careful.  Because the longer this went on, the worse things were getting.  Kristen was unpredictable and Stefano was the damn invisible man.  Who knew where he was, or how close. 

 

Or when he would strike again.

 

 

*

 

Maya was carving up large chunks of beef when he got home.  A rich, meaty stew intended for dinner he supposed.  He didn’t really care; he was hardly hungry after everything that had gone on today.

 

“Where’s Blake?” he growled wearily as he dumped his jacket on the sofa.

 

“He said he had some business that he had to take care of,” Maya didn’t look up, afraid of what she might find in John’s eyes.  She knew it was her fault that Kristen had made her escape from the loft.  It was probably only lack of time that had kept John from firing her on the spot.

 

“And Kristen?”

 

“Still asleep.  She woke a little while ago and wanted to know where you were though.”  Maya used her knife to sweep the carrots from the chopping board into the casserole dish.  When there was no answer from John, she took a deep breath and steadied her nerves.  Turning around, she brought dark eyes up to face him.

 

“I’m sorry John.  I let my concentration lapse and she took advantage of it.  If you want me to leave…”

 

“Leave?”  John looked shocked that she would suggest such a thing.

 

“Well…” her shoulders slumped as she tried to think of something to say.

 

“Look Maya, I can’t say that I’m not upset.”  He frowned.  “She headed straight for Marlena’s and Doc is sporting a black eye and a split lip to prove it.”

 

“Oh G*d, I’m so sorry!”  Maya knew it could have been worse but that didn’t seem much consolation right now.

 

“It’s okay.” John eased himself onto a barstool and propped his elbows on the counter, fingers massaging his aching scalp.  “She’s okay and I’m not going to fire you.  These things happen and I know how convincing Kristen can be.  I just don’t want it happening again.”

 

“It won’t.”  Maya shook her head rapidly.  “I can assure you of that.”

 

“Well, I’m going to stick around here as well, so hopefully between us we can see that she stays put.”  He looked up at the young woman, his blue eyes piercingly steady.  “It can’t be *that* much longer, right?”

 

 

******

 

 

“Can I get you anything?”  Now that Laura and John had both gone, Marlena felt herself becoming increasingly uncomfortable in Eugene’s presence.  She had no idea what to say to him, or what not to say to him.  She didn’t know how to make things better and she was terribly afraid of making things worse.

 

“No thanks,” Eugene shook his head.  “I’m fine.”  He paused, sensing her uneasiness.  He felt it too and the thought of spending the next however many days like this didn’t exactly appeal. 

 

“How was your trip?” he asked with a cultivated disinterest.

 

“Wonderful,” she said softly, unable to hide the genuine happiness in her voice.

 

“Where did you go?”

“To the mountains.  West Virginia.”  Her eyes sparkled with the memory, almost despite herself.

 

“West Virginia?  Isn’t that where you…?”

 

“Where John and I realized we were falling in love all those years ago,” she nodded.

 

“*Falling*?”  He repeated the word with wry amusement almost despite himself.  “If I remember it correctly, you were already head over heels.  You were just being your usual stubborn self and you weren’t admitting it.”

“You could be correct,” she allowed herself to smile as she registered the thaw between them.

 

“I usually am,” he leaned back against the cushions with a grin.  This was nice.  Even though they were talking about John, somehow, it was almost like old times.  Before he had screwed everything up.  “So, tell me what you did.”

 

“Did?”

 

“In West Virginia.”  He rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh, you know, she shrugged, “the usual stuff.  Slept, ate, watched sunrises…”

 

Gene was quiet for a moment as he watched her.  Her eyes were soft as she recalled the trip and she looked relaxed even despite the incident earlier.  As if the time away had confirmed things in her own mind.  As if no doubt lingered within her about where her future lay.  And he was happy for her.

 

“Got engaged?”  He indicated the ring that glittered on her left hand.  He had noticed it the moment he had walked in the room.  It was almost as if it was already a part of who Marlena was and he wondered if it had even occurred to her to take it off.  At the back of his mind, he wondered if Kristen had noticed it too.  If she had…..

 

Marlena looked a little uncomfortable for a moment, caught between wanting to share her happiness and not wanting to hurt him any more than she already had.

 

“It’s okay, Marlena,” he told her softly.  “You don’t need to hide it from me.  I’m thrilled that you’re happy, I really am.”  His eyes held the hint of a smile as they lingered on her face.  “That’s all I want, really.  For you to be happy.”  He sighed gently with a small smile of regret.  “And John makes you happy, I know that.  I can see it in your face, and I can hear it in your voice every time you talk about him.  And that makes things all right.  It makes me happy too.”

 

“Are you sure?” her eyes conveyed her uncertainty.

 

“I’m sure.”  He picked up a cushion and started picking lint from the edges.

 

“Gosh, you sound really convincing,” Marlena raised her eyebrows with the suggestion of a frown.

 

“Okay, so I’m not dancing on the ceiling,” he looked up at her, his face pale and drawn.  “Cut me some slack Marlena, I’m doing the best I can.”

 

“I know you are,” she answered softly, her voice overlaid with guilt.  “Gene, I didn’t ask anything from you.”

 

“I know you didn’t,” he threw the pillow aside and got up from the couch.  This wasn’t going how he wanted it to go.  He wanted to make things easier on her, not harder.  “I’m sorry Marlena, that was uncalled for.”  His eyes were a velvety chocolate color as he paced the room.  “I know where I stand, and I know that’s how it’s supposed to be.  And for the most part that’s fine by me.” 

 

“You…” she faltered as she watched him, wishing for the umpteenth time that things weren’t so awkward between them.  But then she only had herself to blame for that.  “I wish it weren’t this way.”

 

“You’re not the only one,” he shook his head.  “Believe me, you’re not the only one.”

 

 

******

 

 

“John?”  He turned to see Kristen at the foot of the stairs, her hair disheveled and her eyes bleary.

 

“Hi baby,” he went to her and wrapped his arms around her.

 

“Where did you go?” she pushed him away, her eyes narrow and accusing.

 

“Uh,” he thought for a moment about telling her the lie he had prepared but seeing the suspicion in her eyes, he thought better of it.  She knew exactly where he had gone and lying to her was only going to prove her accusations correct.  His only option at this point was to try and disarm her with the truth.

 

“I went over to Doc’s to check on her.  I wanted to make sure she was all right.”  He told her, his jaw rigid.  “Turns out a little more went on than you told me Kristen.”

 

“She had it coming,” Kristen hissed.  “F*cking whore needs to be taught a lesson.”

 

John felt physically sick as he faced Kristen.  He had suspected how much she hated Marlena, but the fact that she could no longer keep it to herself was an indication of the level to which that hatred had progressed.  And the utter irrationality of it all just made it worse.  All he wanted to do was tell her to go to hell and go back to Marlena’s and hold her and make sure she was safe.  But he couldn’t do that while Kristen still carried the child.  So, he had to bite his tongue.

 

Don’t react, don’t let her provoke you.  For G*d’s sake, don’t blow things now! 

 

John let the monologue run internally as he waited until he was able to reply.  “I don’t think you needed to go quite *that* far Kristen.  I know you’re feeling insecure, but you should take it out on me, not on Marlena.”

 

 

“She tried to take you from me,” Kristen denounced her rival, her intent quite plain.  “And you’re more worried about how *she* feels than about *me*.  I’m the victim here,” she pointed at herself.  “And you can’t *wait* to go rushing over there.”

 

“You were asleep baby,” John took her hand in his.  “And Marlena was hurt.  She’s having my baby Kristen, you expect me to just *ignore* her?  You know me, I can’t just do that.”

 

“How do I know you’re telling me the truth?” Kristen demanded suddenly switching tracks, her lucidity swinging with the wind.  “How do I know *anything* you say is true?”

 

“Because I *love* you.”

 

John’s brow furrowed as he wondered exactly when it was that Kristen had lost her mind and why he hadn’t noticed.  And further to that, how on earth was he going to convince an insane woman that he was telling the truth?  Madness didn’t discriminate between truth and lies.  He knew only too well that it created its own reality, and it could be eminently dangerous if it didn’t like that reality.

 

“Kristen, I love you and even though I don’t particularly like the way you’ve been behaving lately, I want to be with you.”  He pulled her to the sofa with him and sat her down.  He still shuddered inside every time he touched her and now he had the added bonus of knowing she had physically hurt Marlena.  If he didn’t loathe her so much, he’d pity how pathetic she was.  But it was all he could do not to let her see how much she revolted him.  “I’m here with you now.  Don’t you think if I wanted to be with Marlena, I’d be there with her now?”  He squeezed Kristen’s hand.  “Huh?”

 

 

******

 

 

“So,” Marlena pursed her lips, an indication of her discomfort.  She had no control over this situation, and it was making her feel awkward and fretful about where their conversation might take them next.  But still, she could hardly just get up and walk out of the room.  “I guess we’re back where we started huh?”

 

“I really hope not,” Q turned back to her.  “I’m sorry Marlena.  Seeing you again….” He hated that he had done this to her, hated the distance between them.  There were a lot of things he could undo, but not that.  “I guess I just slipped back into self-pity mode for a moment.  Not exactly my most attractive feature.”

 

“You have a reason,” she pulled her feet up under her.

 

“Not a good one,” he managed a smile as he came back to where she sat and stood in front of her.  He had to make this up to her somehow; he just wasn’t entirely sure how to go about it.  “Marlena, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.  I was being indulgent.  It’s not one of my best qualities, any Q will tell you that.”

 

“I’m not interested in what the Q have to say,” she looked up at him, her eyes a dusky olive green in the late afternoon sun.  The bruise on her face had darkened to a mottled purple and Q felt a twinge of grief that he had been so wrapped up in himself that he had momentarily forgotten her problems.  “I’m interested in how you feel.  That’s all.”

 

“I feel okay.”  He shrugged with a self-effacing smile.  “While it’s true that I still love you and that will probably never change,” she tried to interject but he held his hand up and kept talking, “at least I can be in the same room with you now without going to pieces.  And I think that’s a good thing.”

 

“Well…yeah,” she nodded.  “I think that’s a good thing too.”

 

“And even the dreams have stopped,” he added, a little more brightly than he felt. 

 

They had mostly stopped.  Except for the other night. 

 

He rolled his shoulders, remembering the uncomfortable tightness of the scratches on his back.  He had healed them almost immediately with his Q powers, but that didn’t change the fact that they had really been there. 

 

He’d prefer to believe they hadn’t.  He’d like to believe that it was Q2 playing some juvenile joke on him, but alas, it didn’t really seem like his style.  A little too childish, even for Q.  So, he was left with the disturbing actuality that they were real.  And somehow, his dream was not simply a dream.

 

“So, you see, I am managing.”  He eased himself onto the couch beside her.  “Please Marlena, I don’t want for you to feel guilty.  I want to put what happened behind us.  I value our friendship far too much to dwell on what’s past.”

 

“Do you think we can do it?”  Her eyes searched his familiar face, and she found a hint of uncertainty there.  “Don’t get me wrong Gene, I value your friendship immensely and I want nothing more than for things to be the way they were.”  She pressed her lips together, trying to choose the best words.  Her head was throbbing, and it didn’t make it easy to concentrate but she didn’t want to screw this up.  “I just need to know that’s what you *really* want.  That you’re not just trying to do the ‘right thing’.”

 

“It’s what I want,” he nodded his head, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled at her.  He really did adore her and being with her now made him realize that he could still talk to her.  It wouldn’t be easy, but the alternative was inconceivable to him.  He might love her, but her friendship was more important to him, and he would find some way to reconcile that.  “I think we always made a good team and I know that this will get easier with time.”  His eyes twinkled as he squeezed her hand.  “It already has.”

 

“I’ve missed you,” she said softly, giving his fingers a soft squeeze in return.

 

“I’ve missed you too.”  He flashed a crooked half-smile as he gave voice to his thoughts.  “Marlena. I don’t want to lose your friendship.”  She could hear the conviction that filtered through his words.  “That’s how we are best anyway.  I could spend the next however long sulking, but then we’d both lose.”  He shrugged easily but his eyes were gleaming a vibrant chestnut belying his casual attitude.  “I want to be there as your friend whenever you need me, the way you always have been for me.  I think we can do it.  As long as you do too.”

 

“I think we can,” Marlena allowed her muscles to relax slightly as she nodded her consensus.  “And like I said, I want nothing more.  I missed your friendship so much when you were gone from Salem.  And I do know you can’t always be here, and you have another life.  But I want to know that we’ll always be able to talk and share things the way we used to when you do have time to stop by.”

 

“Sounds great to me,” he pushed himself up and slid onto the sofa next to Marlena.  “And as your friend I want you to let me do something for you.”

 

“What?”  She frowned, not sure what he had in mind.

 

“I know you’re in pain, I can see it in the way you’re moving.  And I hardly think you want to be out and about with that bruising on your face?” he inclined his head a little.  “Might be a little hard to explain away.”

 

“Oh,” she lifted her hand to her face.  With the incessant pounding inside her head, she had almost forgotten that she had physical reminders of the confrontation with Kristen as well. 

 

“Let me take it away,” he said persuasively.

 

“You can do that?” she asked, a little surprised.

 

“Of course I can,” he would have been amused normally, but he was more concerned about making sure that she was all right because her concentration was obviously waning.  “So?  You’ll let me do it?”

 

Marlena’s first instinct was to refuse him, but she couldn’t really think of a valid reason.  And more than that, she was in pain and he was right, she couldn’t exactly pass this off as walking into a door.

 

“All right,” she assented and waited as he lifted his hand.  His palm skimmed the air over her cheek and nose and then he waved his hand over her head.  She felt an odd tingling spreading across her skin and a vague buzzing in her ears and then it was gone, and with it, the pain.  She looked up at him with a surprised smile.  “Wow, it really worked!”

 

“Of course it did,” he laughed at her wonder.  “This isn’t some two-bit carnival side-show.  I’m capable of changing the orbit of your average M-Class planet, Marlena.  I don’t think a bruise presents too much of a challenge.”

 

“This is all new to me Gene,” she lifted her hand to her lip, feeling the fragile skin and marveling at the sudden change.  “I’m still getting used to the fact that you have a different name, let alone any of the other things you can do.”  She stopped suddenly and looked at him.  “Exactly *how* powerful *are* you?”

 

“You wouldn’t even be able to comprehend it Marlena,” he softly.  “I can change the gravitational constant of the universe.  I can alter the laws of physics and chemistry.  I can make time flow backwards.  If it can be done, or even if it can’t be done, I can do it.”

 

“Then you can find Stefano,” she said calmly.

 

He stopped, wondering how it was that she always managed to zero in on the one flaw in his logic.  And how he was going to explain this to her without scaring the sh*t out of her.

 

“No,” he shook his head, regret weighing on him.  “Unfortunately, that’s one thing I can’t do.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 129 – Momentary Lapse of Reason

 

 

“But you just said that you can do anything,” Marlena sat back feeling more than a little aggrieved at his refusal to help in this situation.

 

“The Q can do anything under normal circumstances,” Eugene said carefully, “but these aren’t normal circumstances.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she demanded angrily.  “Can you, or can’t you do *anything*?”

“I can, but there’s something you don’t know Marlena,” he could see no other option but to tell her the truth.  If only to make her realize that she needed his protection.  “About Stefano.”

 

“What about Stefano?” she asked uneasily.

 

“There’s a reason that he seems invincible,” he bit on his lower lip, suddenly not sure that he was doing the right thing.

 

“What reason?”  Marlena grabbed his hand, and he felt the pressure of her fingers curling around his.  “Please tell me Gene.”

 

“You remember that I found out I was related to him when I lived here before?” he asked, aware of the warmth of the hand in his. 

 

“Yes,” she nodded, not sure she liked where this was leading.

 

“Well, there was more truth to it than we realized.”  He swallowed, wishing he didn’t have to tell her this.  “He used to be Q, Marlena.”

 

“He was a Q?” she whispered, her mind reeling.

 

“He was, a dozen centuries ago.  But he was too corrupt, and the Continuum expelled him,” Q frowned.  It hardly seemed fair, Stefano being expelled for all manner of corruption, while he was threatened with utter annihilation for making a couple of mistakes.  “I guess we were a little more forgiving then.”

 

“What do you mean they expelled him?” Marlena pressed.

 

“We stripped him of his powers and banished him to the outer reaches of the galaxy.  Or so we thought.”  Q recounted.

 

“We?” Marlena’s brows furrowed.

 

“Marlena, I’m not forty years old, or even four hundred and forty years old,” Eugene knew this would blow her mind, but there was no help for it.  “Q are not born, we just are.  We exist in a dimension where there is no linear time.  No beginning and no ending.  We just are.  And we have always been.”

 

She simply stared at him.  And then she blinked as she attempted to try and understand what he was telling her.

“But, you look older,” she reached out and traced the lines on his forehead.  “You’re telling me you don’t age?”

 

“I’m telling you that this body is simply a corporeal form I choose to appear in so you can see me,” he explained gently.  “When the Q sent me back, they chose to make me appear older as a human would through the passage of linear time.  They felt my appearance in Salem would cause the least trouble that way.”

 

“So, this isn’t really *you*?” she dropped her hand and the furrows in her brow deepened.

 

“It’s the me you know, and that’s enough Marlena,” he shook his head, “it’s not really important.  We’re kind of getting away from the point here.  All you need to understand is that Stefano was expelled.  And somehow, he managed to retain some of his powers, despite what we thought.”

 

“And he ended up here,” Marlena finished for him.  Suddenly it was making some warped kind of sense.  The way Stefano seemed to have nine lives.  The way he could escape from impossible situations.  The way he could infiltrate himself and not be noticed….

 

“Yes,” he nodded tightly.  “And it seems that not only does he have some of his Q powers, but he also seems to have developed others.”

 

“What kind of others?” Marlena wasn’t sure she could process all this information.  It was unbelievable and quite frightening.

 

“I’m not sure,” Q expelled a breath, “but he seems to be feeding on the fear and anger of others.  It makes him stronger.  And there’s something else.”

 

“Oh of course there is,” Marlena rolled her eyes.  “Everything has been so simple up till now.”

 

“I’m sorry Marlena,” he squeezed her hand tightly.  “I know this is all difficult to take in and I wish that I didn’t have to tell you all this.”

 

“I don’t even know what to think, let alone say,” Marlena leaned back against the cushions and covered her belly with splayed fingers.

 

“Somehow he’s procured the help of a band of renegade Q, and they are helping him keep his location a secret from us.”  Q looked at her with worried eyes.  “We have no way of finding out where he is.”

 

 

******

 

 

“I don’t believe you!”  Kristen took a step back, her voice rising to a level that was fast becoming a shriek.  “You have lied to me from the beginning!  And you’re *still* f*cking lying to me!!”

 

“I am *not* lying to you Kristen,” John felt frustrated and anxious.

 

“All I ever did was love you,” she turned accusing eyes on him.  “If I made mistakes, it was only because I love you so much and didn’t want to lose you.  But you cheated on me and you lied to me and now I feel dirty and used!”  She squeezed out a tear as she turned away from him, aiming for dramatic but coming off as desperate and pathetic.

 

“I know sweetheart.”  Yeah right.  All you did was manipulate Doc and me and conspire with Stefano to take Marlena from her family.  He felt sick.  Surely this had to end soon.  “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.  If I could do it again, I’d do it over totally differently.”  I wouldn’t be afraid to tell Marlena how I really felt about her, and I would never have put her in danger to begin with.  And you would have been long gone out of our lives.

 

“Do you really love me?” she demanded suspiciously, catching his eyes with hers.

 

“Of course I love you, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the last half hour,” he sighed, hoping he was convincing enough to fool her.  If only he could pretend he was talking to Doc, he might could pull this off.  “I’m sorry that I hurt you baby, and I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.”

 

“Then sleep with me tonight,” Kristen had a nasty smile on her face, knowing that she had him between a rock and a hard place.  “If you really love me and you don’t want me to be insecure, then prove it to me by sleeping in my bed tonight.”

 

John stared at Kristen, his mind desperately searching for an answer.  He knew she was testing him.  If he said ‘no’, she would know he was lying.  The ‘worried about the baby’ answer wasn’t going to cut the mustard this time.  He only had two options, and neither of them was appealing.

 

“So?” Kristen crossed her arms in front of her and raised her eyebrows.  “You and I both know the baby is out of danger.  You know I’ll sleep much better if you’re there with me.  And what better way to prove your love and devotion to me?”

 

John felt his stomach churning as she stared at him, waiting for his answer.  She expected him to say ‘no’, he could see it in her eyes.  In her whole demeanor.  And it would be as good as an admission that she was right.  That he was committed *not* to her, but to Marlena and that he wanted nothing to do with her.  And then G*d only knew what would happen.  His two options had just been whittled down to one.

 

“Of course I’ll spend the night with you sweetheart,” he smiled uneasily.  “If that’s what you need, then that’s what you get.”

 

 

******

 

 

“You know, part of me wishes you’d told me earlier, and part of me wishes you hadn’t told me at all,” Marlena said, pulling the blanket around her. 

 

After spending the better part of the afternoon talking about Stefano and his associates, they had been relieved when the children had arrived back with Lucie, and they had spent some time just enjoying their company.  When Belle and Brady had eventually gone off to bed, Marlena and Eugene had ordered dinner in and watched French Kiss with Meg Ryan to try and take their minds off everything that had gone on.

 

“I only really just got all the details myself,” Q handed her the mug of hot chocolate and sank to the ground by the sofa she was stretched out on.  “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know what good it would do.  Apart from putting you under more pressure, how is John going to tell Abe and Roman that Stefano is superhuman?”  He took a mouthful of whipped cream.  “And besides, until the thing with Carrie, we had no idea he was anywhere near Salem.  And then we had so much other stuff to deal with.”

 

“I know, I wasn’t blaming you,” she sighed, “this just makes things so much more complicated.”

 

“And dangerous,” he added.  “The thing about Q is that they can only be destroyed by other Q.  Which is why it’s imperative that I stick close to you.  In case he tries anything.”

 

“Do you think he will?” Marlena asked nervously.

 

“I really don’t know Marlena,” he shrugged uncomfortably.  “I could say ‘no’, but I think we both know that would be a hollow assurance.  Q are used to having what they want.  If they can’t have it, then they just reach out and take it.  They aren’t used to being thwarted.”

 

Marlena glanced at him and then went back to contemplating her drink.

 

“Life was a lot simpler when Q was simply a letter of the alphabet.”

 

“No, it wasn’t, Marlena, it just appeared that way,” Eugene said sadly.

 

“Who am I trying to kid?” she attempted a smile.  “My life has never been simple.”

 

“This is true enough,” he let out a small chuckle.

 

“I guess as usual, we just have to soldier on,” she stifled a yawn with the back of her hand.

 

“Well, how about you soldier on up to bed?” he raised his eyebrows.  “After what you’ve been through today, a good night’s sleep is definitely what the doctor ordered.”

 

“All right,” she wasn’t about to argue.  She was completely exhausted, and she wanted nothing more than to lay her head on the pillow and let sleep claim her.  “Do you suppose John is doing okay?”

 

“I’m sure he’s making the best of it,” Q wasn’t entirely convinced it would be that easy for John, but he wasn’t about to tell Marlena that.  “Don’t worry about him.  Just get yourself some sleep.”

 

“Thanks Gene,” she said quietly.

 

“For what?” he asked, a little nonplussed.

 

“For understanding.  For caring enough to try.”  She swung her feet off the couch.  “Most men wouldn’t.”

 

“I’m not a man in the strictest sense,” he gave her a lopsided smile.  “But I know what you mean.  And this afternoon…” he thought about it, “despite the subject matter, it’s been nice.  It’s been easy and I didn’t think it would be.”

 

“Me either,” she smiled, “maybe there’s hope for us yet.”

 

 

******

 

 

John laid in the bed, staring into the darkness as he remembered the expression on Kristen’s face when he had agreed to this farce.  To say she had been taken aback would definitely be an understatement.  She had stammered for a moment before drawing her face into a smile.  The unexpected gesture obviously had placated her inner demons and she had quieted her suspicions in order to make the most of the moment.  Then she had spent the rest of the evening hanging off him until he was driven to distraction. 

 

It had been all he could do not to snipe at her every time she moved, every time she asked him a question, every time she touched him.  It was like enduring an ongoing hell as his lips fought to create the smiles she craved and the soft words that soothed her suspicions.  He’d almost blown it at one point when she had caught him looking longingly at a picture of Belle and Brady and she’d made a comment about getting *new* family pictures made.  He’d only just bitten back his retort in time.

 

Maya had sent him sympathetic glances from time to time, but there was nothing he could do to escape his fate.  It was sealed and that was that.  And finally, when it came time for bed, Kristen made a big production of getting changed into a new silk nightgown that she had been saving for the occasion.

 

Now he was lying beside her, and he felt as rigid as a board.  How he was going to sleep like this, he had no idea.  With extreme concentration, he tried to get his muscles to relax, one by one.

 

“John?” her voice came out of the darkness, and he felt his teeth grinding.

 

“Mmmmm-hmmm?”

 

“I’ve missed this,” he felt her fingers make a circle over his palm and then they trailed up the inside of his forearm.  He flinched slightly but she mistook it for excitement.  “Mmmmm, that’s right,” she whispered as she edged toward him.

 

Her fingers continued their journey up his arm until they reached his shoulder.  And then she brushed her hand over his chest, exploring the forgotten contours of the muscles there.  He was tense and she smiled secretly in the darkness.

 

“Kristen,” his voice was hoarse, “you should be trying to get some sleep.”

 

“I’m not tired,” she whispered as she leaned into him so that her senses were filled with his musky masculine scent.  “I’ve waited far too long for this moment to go to sleep now.”

 

Taking advantage of his momentary surprise, she covered his lips with hers and slipped her tongue between them.  He started in surprise and then gently pushed her away.

 

“Baby, you know we can’t do this,” he said quietly.

 

“We can kiss, can’t we?” she whispered against his skin.  Then she began to explore his jaw with her lips and teeth.  A noise came from John, but it was strangled in his throat as her hand brushed over his chest and she felt his body respond with a shudder of desire.  “Oh, I feel it too baby,” she whispered before she began sucking on his earlobe.

 

Her hand edged downwards and then she felt John pull it away.

 

“Let’s not start something we can’t finish,” he growled, his body trembling against hers.

 

“Just because we can’t make love,” she murmured as she reached down between their bodies, “doesn’t mean we can’t give each other pleasure.”  John felt her fingers fasten around him and he let out a grunt of disgust.  That was just too much.  He could bear a lot, but not that.

 

“What the *hell* do you think you’re doing?!” he exploded as he pushed her hand away from him..

“I… well I thought… I…I was only trying….” Kristen, stunned at this unexpected outburst, tried to make sense of it.

 

“Well *don’t*,” John was livid with rage.  It brought back everything about the incident with the mirror back to him and he couldn’t bear to have her touching him.

 

“What…. what did I do?”  It was only a moment before Kristen’s dismay translated into understanding.  And then hatred.  “You said you loved me.  I thought, since it had been so long, I could give you some pleasure.”  Her tone was even, hiding all the anger and resentment that seethed within her.  Of course he didn’t want her touching him.  He was getting it elsewhere.  “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

 

“I’m just tired Kristen,” John’s words were clipped as he sat up in the bed.  “It’s been a long day and with you so close to giving birth, I don’t think that it’s appropriate.”  There was only silence from Kristen and John sighed, flopping back on the bed.  “I’m sorry baby, you surprised me.  Let’s just go to sleep, okay?”

 

“Okay,” her voice was strained, and it was a moment before she moved into his embrace.  He dropped a light kiss on her forehead and then closed his eyes. 

 

But in the darkness, Kristen stared into the face of revenge.  And she didn’t blink.

Chapter 130 – Pillow Talk

 

 

June 22, 1997 – 2.05am

 

 

“Doc?”

 

“John, what’s wrong?  It’s the middle of the night.”

 

“I just had to hear your voice.  I miss you already.”

 

“I miss you too.  What’s wrong, honey?”

 

“You don’t want to know Doc.”

 

“That sounds ominous.  I think I’d feel better if you told me.”

 

“It was Kristen.  She…. I told her I’d sleep in her bed.  She was testing me Doc, I knew if I refused, the whole charade would be over.”

 

“It’s okay baby, I understand.”

 

“Yeah, well, I think I kinda screwed up.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“She was….  Well, it was….  Oh man Doc, she started coming on to me and then she was talking about giving each other ‘pleasure’.  And I lost my cool.”

 

“Lost your cool?”

“I yelled at her to get away from me.  She’d have to be an idiot to not know why Doc.”

 

“It’s okay John.  Where is she now?”

“She’s still in bed.  I stayed there until she went to sleep and then I came out to call you.  I’m sorry Doc.  When she touched me, it was just….  I couldn’t bear it.  Not now that we…”

 

“I know…. Honey it’s okay, I know….”

 

“I wish this was over.”

 

“Me too.  It’s so hard to roll over and find my bed empty.”

 

“I have to go baby; I can hear something.  I’ll call you.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too Doc.”

 

 

***

 

June 23, 1997 – 7:17am

 

“Morning sleepyhead.”

 

“Morning.  John, it’s only just after seven.”

 

“I know.  I wanted to hear your voice.  I was watching the news.  Did you see that thing?

 

“What thing?”

 

“That thing about babies.  They are saying that if you play classical music to them while they’re in the womb they’ll learn better once they’re born.”

 

“Classical music helps develop spatial intelligence in young children.  Pre-birth sounds…. interesting though.”

 

“I had a thought.  We could buy a really big pair of headphones and you could put one ear on either side of your stomach.”

 

“John, are you okay?  You haven’t been smoking anything strange, have you?”

 

“I’m just missing you Doc.  It’s driving me a little nuts.”

 

“No, really?”

 

“Yeah.  Listen, I gotta go baby.  I love you.  Bye.”

 

“Bye….”

 

 

***

 

 

June 25, 1997 – 8:54pm

 

 

 “Hi Doc.”

 

“John!  Where have you been?  I waited for you to call all yesterday and you didn’t.”

 

“I was kinda occupied.  Trust me Doc, you don’t want to know.”

 

“Oh…. okay.”

 

“I miss you.”

 

“Not as much as I miss you”

 

“No, trust me Doc, I miss you more.”

 

“Oh John, you’re always so competitive.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“In the bedroom.  Why are you whispering…?  Oh, never mind.”

 

“What are you doing in the bedroom?”

 

“Getting ready for bed.”

 

“Oh man, I wish I was there with you.”

 

“I wish you were here too.”

 

“Are the kids in bed?”

 

“Half an hour ago.  They went down easily tonight.”

 

“Busy day?”

 

“Not for me.  Lucie took them out with Sami and Will.  They were flying kites.”

 

“So, you’re all alone?”

“Yes.  Wh-“

 

“Tell me what you’re wearing.”

 

“What I’m wearing?”

 

“What you’re wearing.  Describe it to me.  I want to be able to see you.”

 

“Oh…. in that case….  I’m wearing a pair of satin pajamas.  They’re a gold colour.  They barely fit now.  I got even bigger John, I look like I swallowed a beach ball!”

 

“I’ll bet you look amazing.  I bet you look like you swallowed the most beautiful beach ball in the world.”

 

“Whatever Romeo.  I have my white robe on over the top.”

“Slippers?”

 

“White.  John sometimes your eye for detail scares me.”

 

“Shut up Doc.  Unless you want to tell me what your hair looks like.”

 

“Pink.”

“Pink?”

 

“It’s wrapped in a pink towel.  I washed it.”

 

“Mmmm, bet it smells like vanilla.”

 

“You know what I said about the details?”

 

“I can’t help it Doc, I’m obsessed with you.”

 

“It shows.”

 

“What are you doing now?”

 

“Talking to you.”

 

“No, while you’re talking to me.  Am I annoying you?”

 

“Only a little.  It’s not unusual.”

 

“Smartass tonight are we Dr. Evans?”

“What can I say?  You bring out the worst in me.”

 

“And the best?”

 

“Oh…. definitely the very best.”

 

“Doc?”

 

“Mmmm-hmmm?”

 

“I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too, baby.”

 

“So, what are you doing, *other* than talking to me?”

 

“I’m going downstairs to make myself some warm milk.”

 

“Sounds good.  I think I might do the same.”

“”Warm milk?”

 

“Sure.  Why not?”

“I thought it was just my hormones.”

 

“Maybe I’m having sympathy cravings.”

 

“Maybe.  Are you having honey and cinnamon in it?”

 

“Most definitely.”

 

“Must be true love.”

 

“Cha-ching!  Doc, you’re a genius!”

 

“That’s what all the boys say.”

 

“Where’s Eugene?”

 

“In bed.  Where’s Kristen?”

 

“Asleep.  Maya gave her a mild sedative.  I really don’t want to talk about her.  Good Lord that microwave is loud.”

 

“Well, you bought it for me.”

 

“Remind me to get the kitchen remodeled.”

 

“Kitchen?  Honey, when these babies arrive, we’re going to need a new *house*.  As much as I love this place, we’re never going to fit you, me, four small children and a nanny into this space.”

 

“You’re right, what was I thinking?”

 

“I don’t know.  Not much probably.”

 

“Marlena Evans, I’ll have you know I have a one-track mind, and currently that track is mentally taking off your pajama top.”

 

“John!”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Hey Doc?”

 

“Mmmmm?”

 

“This milk is damn good.”

 

“I know.  Wanna take this upstairs?”

 

“Why, are you propositioning me Doctor?”

 

“You’re the one with the one-track mind.  Why don’t you tell me?”

 

“Just get your beautiful behind up those stairs and I will.”

 

“You’re incorrigible.”

 

“Isn’t that why you love me?”

 

“You know it is.”

 

“Are you in your room yet?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good, close the door.”

 

“It’s already closed.”

 

“One step ahead, I like that in a woman.”

 

“I’ll just bet you do.”

 

“Put down your milk and unwind that towel.”

 

“Okay.  No more towel.”

 

“Mmmm, bet your hair is warm and damp.”

 

“It is.  Oh…the baby is moving.  I wish you were here to feel it.”

 

“Baby Beach Ball Black?”

 

“That’s him.”

“I miss you Doc.  I miss the way you smell and the way your skin feels against mine.”

 

“I miss you too.  I miss your smile and the way you hold me.  I feel so safe when you hold me.”

 

“You know if I was there right now, I’d be unbuttoning your pajama top.  And I’d run my hand down over your breasts.  Have I told you how much I love your breasts?”

“John-“

 

“It’s okay Doc, no-one can hear us….  I’d kiss your lips; you have the greatest lips Doc, and I’d kiss your neck where your pulse jumps under your skin.  And then I’d take off your pajama top….”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Mmm-hmmm.  Have I ever told you that you taste great?  Every part of you tastes wonderful.”

 

“I don’t know that we’ve covered that particular topic before.  But I’m glad.  John, what are you wearing?  So, I can picture this.”

 

“Boxers.  Black silk.”

 

“Oooh.”

 

“You like?”

“I most definitely like.”

“Good.  Then I’d explore you with my hands.  I love just touching your body.  I love the way you feel, the way you move.  And I love the way you sound when I hit the right spot.”

 

“John!  Can you tell I’m blushing?”

 

“Well, I love the way you blush too.”

 

“Well, you seem to take great delight in making me blush, so I would guess you do.”

 

“You look so sweet with your pink cheeks.  Anyone would think you’re an innocent.  But I know better.”

 

“You should do, you’re the one that corrupted me.”

 

“Oh no Doc, I think it was the other way round.”

 

“Excuse me?  Who’s the one talking dirty on the phone?”

 

“There’s an open invitation for you to join in.”

 

“You just proved my point.”

 

“What point?  Doc, are you yawning?”

 

“Mmmmm, yeah, sorry.”

 

“No, I’m sorry, I’m keeping you up.  Have you been sleeping?”

 

“Not well.”

 

“Me either.”

 

“G*d I wish you were here.  This is so unfair.”

 

“I know, but it has to be over soon, baby.”

 

“I hope so.  I really, really hope so.”

 

“It will, so just hold onto that and lie your beautiful head down and get some sleep.”

 

“Mmm-hmmm……John?”

 

“Yes sweetheart?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.  Night.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

 

“G’night.”

 

 

***

 

 

 

June 27, 1997 – 11:42pm

 

 

 “John?”

 

“Doc?  What are you doing phoning so late?  Is everything okay?”

 

“It’s fine.  Great.  I just wanted to make sure I didn’t happen to get Kristen.”

 

“What’s up, Marlena?”

 

“John, I’ve seen a house.  Down by the lake.  It’s beautiful and it’s new and the kids will just adore it.”

 

“Woah, woah!  Wait a minute Doc.  What are you doing looking at real estate without me?”

 

“I wasn’t.  I was getting cabin fever being cooped up in this place and Gene took me out to get some fresh air.  We were walking by the lake, and they have some new subdivisions there.  This place has a big yard, and it has trees that the kids can climb.  We could even plant an orchard.”

 

“Enough room for all of us?”

“All of us *and* some.”

 

“I’ll bet you’ve decorated that nursery already huh?”

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

“Well Doc, if you like it then I have no doubt I will too.  How about we get in touch with the realtor and see if we can make an appointment to see it next week?”

 

“You think you’ll be able to get away?”

 

“If I don’t get away every now and then I’m going to go completely insane Doc.  I’m sure an hour or two won’t hurt.”

 

“I’m sorry John, it must be awful for you.  I keep feeling sorry for myself here and my problems are minor in comparison.”

 

“It’s okay.  I just keep remembering that I’m going to be spending the rest of my life with you and it doesn’t seem so bad…. As long as we are together, no-one can hurt us.”

 

“John, there’s something I need to tell you.  Something that Gene told me the other night…”

 

“Listen Doc, I‘d better go.  She’s woken up and she’s calling me.  If I don’t go, she’s gonna get suspicious.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?  Love you.”

 

“But John-“

 

“Shhh.  Sleep well baby..”

 

“Night John….. I love you too.”

 

 

***

 

June 28, 1997 – 10:36pm

 

 

“Hi, is this Commander Carver’s office?”

 

“It is.  The Commander is out right now.”

 

“I’d like to leave some information for him if I could.  Tell him Vonnie called.  Tell him that Stefano DiMera was seen down at the warehouses by the river.”

 

“Do you have any more specific information Ma’am?”

 

“One-one-two Shaw Street.  That’s all I know.  You’d better hurry.”

 

“I’ll be sure to pass the information right along Ma’am.  Thanks.”

 

“No…. Thank you.”

 

 

***

 

June 28, 1997 – 11:09pm

 

 

“Doc, it’s me.”

 

“John?  John, are you on a cell phone?”

 

“Doc, we just got a lead on DiMera.  Abe, Roman and I are heading down to the river.”

 

“What kind of a lead?”

 

“We got a tip off from one of our contacts.  She’s always been very accurate.”

 

“Where?”

 

“Shaw Street.  In a warehouse by the river.  That’s why I need you to stay put for now sweetheart.  I need to know that you’re safe and protected.  I’ll call you as soon as we know anything.”

 

“John, be careful.  Please be careful.  There are things about Stefano you don’t know.  Gene told me -“

 

“Doc, I don’t have time right now.  I promise I’ll be careful.  I’ll call you, okay?  I love you.”

 

“I love you too.  Please call me as *soon* as you’re done.”

 

“I will.  Bye honey.”

 

“Bye John…..  Be careful…please be careful.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 131 – Set-ups

 

 

Marlena put the phone down on the table and turned to Q, her eyes wide.

 

“They think they know where he is.”

 

“Stefano?”  He looked surprised.

 

“They got a tip-off…. a tip-off about a warehouse down on Shaw Street.”  Her hands were shaking as she steadied herself on the table.  “Oh G*d, Gene they have no idea what they’re walking into.”

 

“Marlena, they never have before, and they’ve come out all right.”  He moved towards her, concerned at the sudden pallor of her skin.

 

“But that was before.” Marlena’s fear clutched at her insides.  “You said he’s getting more powerful right?  That he’s somehow feeding on the hatred and fear?  Well Gene, they’re going to go down there and direct all that hatred and fear right *at* him.”  She let out a long slow breath, trying to stop the shaking which permeated her body and her voice.

 

“C’mon Marlena, they know what they’re doing.”  He took her arm and made her face him.  “This could be a good thing you know.  They could put him out of commission for a while.”

 

“Do you really think that’s possible?” she was skeptical.  Since when had anybody been able to put Stefano out of commission?   Q sighed and looked away from her, unable to withstand the scrutiny of her expressive eyes.  “I didn’t think so,” she said softly.

 

“Well maybe whomever tipped them off got it wrong?” he suggested hopefully.

 

“No, John said it was someone reliable.  He really thinks they can get Stefano this time.”  She tightened her lips and pulled her arm away from his grip.

 

“Marlena…”

 

“Gene, you have to go down there,” her golden hair bounced against her shoulders echoing the gold that flashed in her eyes as she turned around.  “You’re the only one that knows how to deal with Stefano.”  The plea was unmistakable even if it was formed in the guise of an order.  “You need to go down there and make sure they don’t walk into a trap.”

 

“No Marlena, I can’t leave you here alone.”  He looked incredulous that she should even suggest such a thing.  “Especially not if Stefano is on the loose.”

 

“If he is in Salem, then he’s most likely down at the waterfront like the informant said,” she argued hotly.  “I’ll be okay, but if something happens to John….” Her eyes glazed with the prospect of losing John again.  “*Please* Gene.”

 

“Marlena, I *can’t* go,” he told her firmly.  It was simply a ridiculous idea.  “John will have my guts for garters if I leave you alone here, unprotected.  And if anything were to happen to you, *I* could never forgive myself.”  He shook his head with certainty.  “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it.”

 

“*Fine*, then *I’ll* go,” Marlena replied angrily as she pushed by him to collect her coat.

 

“Oh no you don’t,” he caught her arm, his fingers cutting into the tender flesh as he pulled her up.  “You aren’t going anywhere.”

 

“What, am I under house arrest now?”  She was furious with him, knowing every second she wasted, John, Roman and Abe were walking into danger.  “Eugene, if someone doesn’t stop them they’re going to get themselves *killed*!”

 

“Marlena, I’m only trying to put your safety first,” he replied frustratedly.

 

“And I’m only trying to stop the man I love from getting hurt,” her eyes glistened hazel through a mist of tears as she pulled away from him angrily.  “So, if you’re not going down there, *I* am.”

 

She was frightened and desperate and she wasn’t even thinking straight, Q knew that.  And he also knew how stubborn she was.  She wasn’t about to let go of this idea and keeping her at the penthouse could prove to be no mean feat, as determined as she was.

 

“I’d go Marlena, but you’d be here alone.  Stefano could just walk in here and take you and there’d be nothing you could do.”  He sighed, knowing that argument wasn’t going make any dent in her resolve.  She was too wrapped up in what might happen to John to think about the danger to herself and her unborn child.

 

“I’ll be okay.  I’ll have the alarm on.”  He remained unconvinced and she blinked in annoyance.  “All right, I’ll call Eric and Sami and get them to come over until you get back.  You won’t be gone long so I think the danger is minimal.”  She crossed her arms defiantly in front of her.  “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

 

“No.”  He shook his head, but her eyes were full of determination and he realized he was wasting his time.  And part of him also acknowledged that she was right.  The men down at the warehouse could be in big danger.  And if he could head Stefano off now before he caused any more trouble, that would make things a whole lot simpler for all of them.  With a sigh, he dropped his head in a gesture of defeat.  “All right.  But only if you call the kids.”

 

“I will, I will,” she nodded, grabbing his hand.  She pulled him to the door without a word and opened it.  “Hurry!” she begged him, her voice colored with shades of panic and conviction.  It might have taken the form of a request, but it was little more than an order.  “Please hurry!”

 

“Marlena I…” he looked pained as he glanced at her.

 

“I’ll *call* them.  Now *go*!”  She pushed him as hard as she could and slammed the door behind him.

 

Frowning, he stared at the door.  It remained solid and impassive, even as he registered all of misgivings and then discarded them.  He wouldn’t be gone long. 

 

Turning, he raised his hand and snapped his fingers.

 

 

*****

 

 

Kristen’s heart pounded as she crossed the living area of the loft, her feet noiseless in rubber-soled shoes.  She caught her breath as she heard a noise from upstairs.  She couldn’t blow this now.  She had gone to such trouble.  Biting her lower lip, she slid the kitchen drawer open and…

 

“Kristen?  What are you doing down here?  I thought you were upstairs taking a shower.”  Maya was right behind her and Kristen felt the thrill of adrenaline speeding through her veins.

 

“I… I forgot there was no soap up there,” she reached into the drawer.

 

“Uh, yes there is,” Maya said suspiciously.  “I just put some in there yesterday.”  She touched Kristen’s shoulder tentatively.  “Kristen, what are you doing?”

 

Kristen’s mind reeled as she felt the woman’s hand, warm against her skin.  She had to get out of here.  She only had this one chance.  There was too much at stake. 

 

And inside her head, the voices started….

 

Just *do* it!  I can’t, it’s wrong!  *Wrong*?  She’s trying to keep you from John.  *That’s* wrong.  I just can’t.  Yes you can.  It’s *so* easy.  It’ll just slide right in.  I….  That’s right.  You know what you have to do…

 

“Kristen?” Maya tugged on her charge’s shoulder, trying to turn her.  She didn’t trust Kristen and she had a bad feeling about this.

 

A moment later, she realized why.

 

In a large ungainly movement, Kristen swung around, the carving knife in her hand slicing a flashing arc through the air.  It was almost as if everything was in slow motion as she pulled back her arm and then drove it forward, the blade of the knife sliding through clothing and flesh as though it were warm butter.

 

Maya staggered backwards, but Kristen caught her arm, a wild gleam in her eye.  Maya gasped as Kristen withdrew the knife and thrust again, the knife carving upwards under her ribs.  She cackled malevolently as Maya’s blood soaked the front of her dress and the woman’s eyes went wide with terror.

 

“I’d say I’m sorry, that you got in the way,” she hissed, as she caught the woman’s hair.   Twisting the dark, glossy mass in her fingers, she yanked the young woman’s head back.  “But I’d be lying.  You got everything that was coming to you.”  She twisted the knife and Maya whimpered in pain and horror.

 

The encroaching darkness was interrupted only by the gurgle in her own throat and then the warmth of the blood as it spilled from her lips.  The fear and terror as she realized what was happening to her was almost overwhelming.  As death reached out it’s inevitable black fingers to her, she could only think that John had been right to fear Kristen and the lengths she might go to in order to get what she wanted.  And as the fine filigree of unconsciousness snared her in its grasp she groaned bloodily as she realized that she might not be Kristen’s only intended victim today. 

 

Feeling Maya go limp, Kristen let go of the nurse and watched her body slump to the floor with only a slight flicker of disgust registering in her eyes.  Turning to the sink, she ran the hot tap, letting the warm water spill over her bloodied hands.

 

The water ran pink and eventually clear as she rubbed her hands together.  Finally, when she was satisfied that they were clean enough, she turned off the tap and pulled the towel from where it hung in front of the oven.

 

Stepping over the body, she wiped her hands and then dropped the towel behind her so that it landed in the scarlet liquid that was pooling on the floor.  She looked blankly at the crumpled form and then she turned to haul a coat off the rack by the door.  With a grimace, she slipped the long knife into the pocket and then pulled the coat on, belting it around her extended belly.

 

Walking out of the loft, she didn’t bother to shut the door behind her.

 

 

******

 

 

John remained silent beside Abe as they watched the warehouse.  It appeared abandoned and there had been no determinable movement either in, or around the building since they had arrived a little more than ten minutes ago.

 

He narrowed his eyes as Abe spoke into his radio, ensuring the backup units were in place.  Behind him, Roman shifted uncomfortably, his eyes hidden between the shining twin lenses of a pair of binoculars.

 

“Anything?”

 

“No,” Roman shook his head.  “Are you sure that this is the address that Vonnie left?”

 

“Positive.  Atkinson took it down on paper.”  Abe rotated his wrist in order to glance at his watch.

 

“Well either she got it wrong or DiMera’s doing a damn good job of lying low in there,” Roman muttered.

 

John shifted his weight to his left foot and let out a groan of frustration.  The crouching was giving him a cramp and he just wanted this over with.  As soon as Stefano was behind bars, he could breathe a lot easier.

 

“John?” the three men all did an about face, Roman and Abe drawing their guns on pure instinct.  Eugene raised his hands rapidly in response.  “It’s okay, it’s just me.”

 

“Hell Eugene, what do you think you’re doing creeping up on us like that?” Roman barked, his heart pounding against his ribcage.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

 

“What the hell are you doing here Eugene?” John butted in, his voice low and angry.  “You’re supposed to be back at the penthouse, looking after Marlena.”  A sudden thought occurred to him and he grabbed the lapel of Q’s jacket.  “She’s all right, isn’t she?” he growled, “nothing’s happened to her?”

 

“She’s just fine,” Q replied, pulling himself out of John’s grasp, “but she was very insistent that I come down here and find you.”

 

“Insistent?  Chr*st man, she could be in danger,” John rolled his eyes in a gesture of pure aggravation.  “You shouldn’t have left her.”

 

“I didn’t want to, but she was threatening to come down here by herself if I didn’t come instead,” Eugene looked at Abe who had turned back to his surveillance of the warehouse, and then at Roman who was obviously listening to the exchange with interest.  “Listen, I need to talk to you.  In private.”

 

“Look, I don’t care if you had to cuff her to the railing to keep her in the penthouse, you shouldn’t have left her alone,” John whispered fiercely.

 

“John, I don’t have time to argue,” Q snapped.  At least one thing hadn’t changed; John was still as irritating as ever.  “If you want me to get back to Marlena’s you’d better come with me.   If I leave without telling you what I came to tell you, I may as well not go back at all.”  His dark eyes were insistent as he glared at John.

 

“Just *go*,” Abe gave John a shove.  All this terse whispering wasn’t helping his concentration and he needed it to co-ordinate the teams as they took the warehouse.

 

“Don’t move until I get back Abraham,” John’s voice held a warning.

 

“I won’t but you’d better hurry,” Abe turned to listen to the transmissions from his backups.

 

Ceding the battle of wills, John followed Q around the corner, a scowl on his face.

 

“All right, what the hell do you want?” he demanded.

 

“Look, Marlena tried to tell you on the phone, but you cut her off.”  Q leaned back against the brickwork, his expression betraying nothing.  “There’s something about Stefano that you should know before you go rushing in there.”

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen slapped the Honda into reverse and the tires squealed as she pulled out of the parking space.  It had been Maya’s coat she had pulled on, and her car keys had clashed with the stained metal blade in the pocket as she’d hopped up and down impatiently in the elevator.

 

It was fortuitous, she realized as she climbed into the car, because Peter had somebody watching her.  He had told her as much last week.  Whoever it was, it was a pretty good bet he wouldn’t be watching for Maya’s car.

 

Slamming on the brakes, she thrust the car into drive and stabbed the accelerator with her foot.  Then, hardly missing a beat, she barreled out of the basement parking lot, barely missing a pedestrian as she swerved onto the road.

 

Ten minutes later found her knocking on a door.  She fingered the deadly blade in her pocket as she waited silently. 

 

This was it.

 

 

******

 

 

“Can I just ask you why you didn’t see fit to share this information with us before now?” John asked furiously.

 

“I didn’t know the full extent of what was happening until recently,” Q said patiently.  “And I was supposed to tell you as little as possible in order to preserve the integrity of this universe.”

 

“I don’t give a f*ck about the integrity of the f*cking universe,” John was trying to control his temper, but it was difficult.  “What I care about is Marlena’s safety and the safety of my children.  And you’re now telling me that DiMera is some kind of… of super being?  That he’s somehow invincible?” 

 

“Not invincible, I didn’t say that,” Q frowned.  “Look I’m sorry.  The last month or so has been difficult for all of us.  I didn’t know the extent of it or I *would* have told you.”

 

“Yeah *right*.”  Sarcasm dripped from the words.  John would have been amused if he wasn’t so royally pissed off.

 

“You think I want to put her in danger?” Q retorted angrily.  “I care about Marlena.  The very *last* thing I would ever do is intentionally put her in danger.”

 

“Excuse me,” Roman poked his head around the corner, his face displaying his distinct lack of amusement.  “If you two would like to stop bickering, Abe wants to put this operation into play.”

 

Q looked at John questioningly.  He might dislike the man, but he knew that John wasn’t foolhardy.  He knew he wouldn’t send his friends in there now.  Not without some kind of protection.

 

“Gene’s with us,” John growled diffidently.

 

“What?  John you can’t-” Roman began.

 

“Roman, there’s a good reason.”  John started back towards Abe’s position but Roman caught his arm angrily.

 

“Dammit John, you’re not a cop anymore.  One civilian in this is bad enough.  Eugene could get hurt.”

 

“He can look after himself,” John said with an impassive face.  “Trust me on this, okay?”

 

“Just ten minutes ago you were tearing into him for leaving Marlena.  Don’t you think he’d be better off at the penthouse?”  Roman wasn’t letting this go, John was being irresponsible and irrational, and he didn’t get it at all.

 

“Look, Roman, Gene here has some inside info that could be helpful if we corner DiMera.  Let’s just leave it at that shall we?”  John pulled his arm irritably from Roman’s grip and turned.  “Let’s go before we miss the show.”

 

 

Roman looked at Q who shrugged as if he didn’t get the whole exchange.  He shook his head in annoyance, wondering what the hell they weren’t telling him.  Again.  Not that he had time to worry about it now.

 

Roman and Eugene followed John and they crouched down in a group around Abe.

 

“Okay,” Abe was speaking into the radio.  “Atkinson, your team takes the back.  Shelley, your team the side entrance.  We’ll take the front along with Byers’ team.  You all got that?”  Several ‘10-4’s’ crackled from the radio and Abe looked around at the eager men.  “Let’s go get that bastard.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Hang on honey,” Marlena set down her glass of juice on the table and went to the door to let Sami in.  She laughed as she unlocked the door and pulled it open.  “My goodness you got here f-” 

 

She swallowed and the blood roared in her ears as she stared at her visitor.

 

“Well, hello *Doc*.” 

 

 

******

 

 

Abe held his arms extended, his gun locked in his hands as he moved along the packing crates, his back to the wall of neglected boxes.  He nodded at Roman, opposite him, and they both rounded their respective corners, waving their guns as they scoured the area with their eyes.

 

It was empty.

 

“There’s nothing here.”  John’s voice came out of the gloom.  “No one’s here.”

 

“Sure looks that way,” Abe took one more sweep of the warehouse and then holstered his gun disappointedly.

 

“Doesn’t look like anyone’s been here for a while sir,” Atkinson’s voice sounded from the office.  “The desks are thick with dust.  If DiMera was here, he covered his tracks remarkably well.”

 

John looked at Q, the unspoken question hanging in the stifling heat of the abandoned building.  Q looked around him, one eyebrow slightly arched.

 

“It’s possible,” he shrugged.  “He’s certainly capable of that.”  He pursed his lips as he inspected the high vaulted roof of the warehouse.

 

“But why would he have been here anyway?” Roman asked guardedly.  “What use does Stefano DiMera have for an abandoned warehouse?”

 

“What use does he have for anything?” John shook his head, walking into the shaft of light that shone through a broken window.  Dust floated lazily in the air and John crouched, examining the floor as though it could give him some clue.

 

Eugene looked around him again.  The derelict offices with the broken furniture.  The rows of empty crates.  Something wasn’t right here.  He could feel it.  And suddenly trepidation washed over him.

 

“He was never here,” he said with absolute certainty.  “This is a set up.”

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen leaned against the doorframe, a malicious grin curling her lips.

 

“Bet you weren’t expecting me, huh Doc?” 

 

Marlena swallowed compulsively, trying to quell the sudden panic that flooded her.

 

“What do you want?”  She could almost feel the pain in her face again where Kristen had hit her, and one hand raised unconsciously to her now-healed lips.

 

“I want to chat,” Kristen drawled with raised eyebrows.  “I don’t think we talk enough, do you?”

 

“I have nothing to say to you.”  Marlena tried to slam the door on her, but Kristen was too quick, and she had her foot inside the door.  Pushing her way inside, she shook her head and tutted with her tongue.  “Now that wasn’t very nice, was it?  Not very welcoming from the perfect Dr. Evans.  Hope you don’t treat all your patients like that. *Doc*.”

 

“You’re not my patient,” Marlena’s voice shook as she backed away from Kristen.  She could see it in Kristen’s eyes.  The madness.  The same madness she had seen in Stella Lombard’s eyes.  The same murderous rage.  The same lack of regard for consequences.  And she was terrified.

 

“Just as well huh?”  Kristen laughed agitatedly.  “I’m sure you’d just love to see me locked away *Doc*.  Then you could have John all to yourself.”

 

“Look I don’t know what you want from me,” Marlena judged the distance to the sofa, wanting to put something, anything, between the two of them.  It wasn’t far, if she could just take it slowly….  “But Sami is turning up any minute.”

 

“Well, I’d better just lock the door then.”  Kristen didn’t take her eyes off Marlena as she snipped the lock closed behind her.  “Wouldn’t do for us to be interrupted now, would it?”  Marlena cursed internally but then revised her thoughts as she realized that Sami could potentially walk in on a nasty situation.  At this point it was better that she kept out of the line of fire.

 

“What do you want to talk about Kristen?” Marlena asked carefully as she continued her slow journey across the living room.  One hand slid uneasily across her swollen belly in unspoken concern for her baby. 

 

“Hmmmm, let’s see,” Kristen made a show of pretending to think about it.  “How about how you f**king well *stole* John from me and ruined my life.  Would that be a good starting point?”  Her face was haggard as she hurled the accusation and Marlena found herself wondering disjointedly if Kristen’s true nature was finally reflecting in her face.

 

“Haven’t we already covered this?” she asked as Kristen took several steps towards her, closing the distance between them.

 

“No, I think I’ve covered it and you’ve lied through your f*cking teeth,” Kristen’s lips curled up into a sneer.  “You see, you and John might think I’m an imbecile, but when I touch him and he practically *screams* at me to leave him alone, I gotta know that *something* is wrong.”  Her fingers curled around the handle of the knife in her pocket, and she took strength from it.  “Namely that some wh*re is giving him what he wants.”  She glared at Marlena and closed the distance between them again.  “And I think we both know who that wh*re is.  Don’t we *Doc*?”

 

“You’re crazy,” Marlena whispered, despite herself.

 

“Yeah, well maybe I am.  Maybe being screwed over by *you* one too many times finally f**ked up my brain.  But you know what?” she smiled crookedly, but it was chillingly devoid of humor.  “I really don’t care.  What have I got to lose?”  She shrugged her shoulders and leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially.  “Nothing, that’s what.  Not when everything I care about has been taken away from me.”

 

“That’s not true,” Marlena shook her head desperately.  “You have so much going for you-“

“Oh *save* it Marlena,” Kristen snarled.  “You and I both know that it’s not true. You’re the one with the ring on your finger, not me.  And don’t even start with the bullsh*t about how it’s not from John.  You and I both know *exactly* what’s going on.  So, it’s a little *late* for the pep talk.  It’s *over* for me.” 

 

Then oddly, her anger seemed to dissipate, and a smile crossed her face.  But the grin was nothing short of evil and Marlena felt her blood run cold as she saw the object that Kristen unsheathed from her pocket. 

 

The bloody blade of the knife flashed dully in the afternoon sun as Kristen laughed cruelly. 

 

“It’s over for me, and guess what Doc?  It’s over for you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 132 – Showdowns

 

 

Marlena felt oddly breathless as she saw Kristen wave the blood-encrusted knife in front of her, and for a moment she thought she was going to faint.

 

“Well, I expected more of a reaction than that,” Kristen narrowed her eyes resentfully.  “And here I went to *so* much trouble to visit.” 

 

Marlena still said nothing, but her eyes were wide with unspoken terror as she tried to get her breathing under control.  If only for the sake of the unborn child nestled within her, she had to stay calm and rational. 

 

Yet that was easier said than done.  Unless she could get out of the penthouse, she was completely helpless and at Kristen’s mercy unless someone came.   Right now though, Kristen was between her and the door and the staircase.  Marlena faltered, the merits of making a quick dash past Kristen flashing through her mind.  However, the sight of the dully-flashing blade in Kristen’s hand gave her pause enough to quickly discard the idea.  It wasn’t so much that she cared about getting hurt herself, but the risk to her baby was just too high.

 

If only she could get to the phone, but Kristen was closer to it than she was and moving in that direction would bring her too close to that deadly looking knife.  Kristen was hardly going to allow her to make a phone-call anyway.  It would be suicidal to even try. 

 

Keep it together Marlena; don’t let her see your fear.

 

Her heart pounded mercilessly against her ribs as she tried to forge a facade of indifference.  The situation was somewhat akin to being faced with a feral dog; fear would only serve as encouragement.  It was becoming harder to maintain though.  As she backed further away, an odd buzz began to sound in her ears, a harbinger of emotional collapse and desperation.

 

Misjudging the distance behind her, Marlena suddenly felt her legs coming into contact with the solid bulk of the sofa behind her and overbalancing, she fell heavily onto the cushions.

 

“Now *that’s* more like it!” Kristen’s teeth gleamed wickedly.  “You see, I have plans for you, Marlena.  Do you think that I would have gone to all this trouble otherwise?”

 

“Trouble?” Marlena’s voice was strained as she watched Kristen unbelt her coat and drop it on the floor.  Her immediate urge was to scream as she saw the blood that drenched the front of Kristen’s dress.  And she felt bile rising in her throat, accompanied by a bubbling panic.

 

“To get you here.  On your own.”  Kristen inspected the knife carefully, but Marlena was aware she never let her gaze wander from what she was doing on the sofa.  “Being that John was watching me like a hawk.  And I had my Nazi *jailer* to contend with….”  

 

Marlena felt sick as she realized whom Kristen was talking about.  “You see, I had to find some way of getting out of the loft.  Remembering John’s informant, Vonnie, was quite a stroke of luck.”

 

“The tip-off?  That was you?” Every muscle was tense as she directed the question hoarsely at Kristen.

“Quite a brainstorm, don’t you think, Doc?” Kristen chuckled.  “Two birds with one stone and all that.  Well,” she sighed dramatically, “it wasn’t *quite* foolproof.”  She picked at her fingernails and Marlena realized with another rush of horror, that it was dried blood that she was cleaning from the tips of her fingers. 

 

She tried to stifle the sob of fear that escaped her throat as she edged to the back of the sofa, but Kristen didn’t seem to notice anything much.  She seemed to intent on recounting her diabolical plan.  “Too bad the nurse had to get in the way.  Made things a bit messy.  But, looking on the bright side,” she grinned madly, “you know what they say about practice making perfect.”

 

 

******

 

 

“What do you mean a set-up?” Abe demanded as John stared at Q, his whole being suddenly suffused with fear.

 

“I mean Stefano was never here.  It’s obvious.  Someone wanted us all here while they were someone else,” Q thumped one of the crates, furious at himself.  “Dammit I should have *never* left her.”

 

Abe looked at Roman in confusion and Roman looked from him to John.  The expression on John’s face was enough to chill him to the core.

 

There was only one explanation and it hit Abe and Roman at the same time.

 

“*Marlena*.”

 

 

******

 

 

“You killed her,” Marlena said weakly.   She knew exactly what Kristen’s answer would be.

 

“Ding, ding, ding!”  Kristen cackled, her eyes bright with manic glee.  She moved toward the sofa, taking delight in the way Marlena shrank backwards in terror.  “You win Marlena.  Shall I tell you what your prize is?”

 

“You don’t have to do this Kristen,” Marlena edged back over the broad sofa seat until she reached the low back.  The pregnancy was making moving awkward and slow.  The one thing that she wanted so desperately to protect was her one weakness.  And it presented a frighteningly obvious target.

 

With a burst of fear, she climbed over the squat back of the soda and pushed herself upright.  Her movements were ungainly, and the weight of the baby seemed to be growing along with her terror so that every movement was an effort.  Her whole body was shaking, and it was only through sheer force of will that she wasn’t sobbing.

 

“We can get you help.”

 

“I don’t *want* help,” Kristen scowled nastily as she faced Marlena across the sofa.  She seemed unconcerned that Marlena had put some distance between them again; she knew that there were only so many places for Marlena to go.  “My only problem is *you*.  That’s all I need to deal with.”

 

“So what?” Marlena knew she couldn’t let Kristen see her weakness.  The moment she saw a chink, she would home in on it and she would strike.  Marlena simply had to keep her at arm’s length and keep her talking until someone realized what was happening.  Except that wasn’t exactly simple. 

 

With that thought, she gathered her courage and challenged Kristen.  “You kill me too and then what?  You spend the rest of your life in prison?”  She shook her head, almost pitying the pathetic creature that stood before her.  “John will despise you, Kristen.  He’ll never want to see your face again.”

 

“Shut up,” Kristen shouted, trying to drown out the words that mocked her.  “Shut up you b*tch.  Maybe I won’t ever have John, but at least I’ll take pleasure in knowing you’ll never lay your filthy hands on him again either.”

 

“What about your baby?”  Marlena’s heart was pounding violently in her chest, and she could barely think straight.  Her whole body ached, her back was screaming with pain and she knew that the adrenaline was the only thing keeping her going.  But she just had to keep Kristen talking, keep her occupied.  Until… well, until something happened.  “At least think about your baby.  *Please* Kristen, it’s innocent, it doesn’t deserve to come into the world this way.”

 

“And what about your child huh, Marlena?  Your bastard offspring?”  Kristen waved the knife in front of her.  “Admit it.  That’s who you’re *really* afraid for.”  She sneered, hatred almost coming off her in waves.  “At least if you and your spawn die, John will have all of his attention to devote to *my* baby.”

 

“No!”  Marlena gasped.  She didn’t quite know why she was shocked, but it was still frightening to hear the woman to put it in such blunt terms.  “Kristen, you can’t hurt an innocent child!”

 

“I can’t?” Kristen looked surprised and then her eyes narrowed with a hateful grimace.  “Just you watch me *Doc*.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Oh Chr*st,” John fumbled with his cell phone, his fingers icily numb, even in the heat of the deserted building.  Stabbing the numbers with his fingers, he looked at Eugene with fearful eyes.  The other man couldn’t even look back at him.  He just stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. 

 

The phone rang until his answering machine picked up.  “Maya, where the hell are you?” he yelled into the phone.  “Maya, if you’re there, pick up.  Pick up the PHONE G*damnit!”  There was nothing and he cursed as he hit end on the phone.

 

Then immediately, he was dialing Marlena’s number with clumsy fingers.

 

“Sh*t!”  He ended the call, having misdialed, and then tried again.  This time, he managed to dial all the numbers in the right order, and he waited as it rang.

 

And rang.

 

“Chr*st!  Sh*t, Marlena, if you’re there answer the phone.  Dammit Doc, I swear if you don’t answer that phone right now-” he was almost in tears as he waited, but there was nothing.  “Look, Doc if you hear this, the bust was a set-up.  Stefano was never there.  You could be in real danger.  I don’t want you to open the door to anyone.  *Anyone*, you hear me?  Not even Samantha.  Sweetheart, I want you to go upstairs and lock yourself in the bathroom until we get th-“

 

*

 

Kristen tore the phone out of the wall with a savage yank.

“*Sweetheart*.”  She sneered derisively.  “He used to call me that.  So don’t worry Marlena.  John is good at moving on.  He won’t miss you.  Not for long anyway.” 

 

Marlena couldn’t say anything; she just struggled for breath as the tears trembled on her lashes.  She only had to hold off for a few more minutes.  Until they got back.  Until they saved her from….

 

She had no time to complete the thought because Kristen lunged at her with the knife.  She staggered backwards, but somehow, despite her ungainly body, she managed to gain her footing as she moved towards the French doors.  Kristen feinted with the knife again, but Marlena managed to block her blow with a photo frame she had snatched from the table. 

 

However, the effort left both woman off-balance and Marlena grabbed at the chair as she fell backwards.  Kristen landed heavily on her side and let out a groan of pain.  But she held onto the knife and looked up as Marlena used her legs to propel herself backwards.  “Oh no you *don’t*!” she muttered as she crawled across the floor.

 

Marlena saw the flash of the knife again and with no time to think, she raised her arm to ward off the blow.  She let out a cry of pain as the knife sliced into her forearm, and she clutched it to her, the blood seeping through her fingers.  Her analytical mind could only take the time to assess that Kristen had hit no major blood vessels and the cut was superficial before her attention flicked back to her attacker.

 

“Any last requests Marlena?” Kristen panted as she pushed herself to her knees, raising her arm above her, ready to strike the fatal blow.

 

“How about you go to *hell*?” Marlena grunted as she aimed a powerful kick at Kristen’s thighs.

 

Kristen hadn’t expected her to fight back and was taken by surprise as one leg disappeared from beneath her and she crashed to the floor again, losing her grip on the knife.  She cursed as it tumbled under the side table and Marlena took the opportunity to scramble to her feet.  She stepped sideways but her knees felt like jello and she was starting to shiver with the beginnings of shock.  She put her hands flat against the warm glass of the balcony doors behind her and took a deep breath, trying to quell the dizziness that washed over her.

 

Looking up, Kristen abandoned her quest to regain the knife momentarily and her eyes narrowed. 

“You’re not going *anywhere*, Doc.”  

 

“Kristen,” her voice was breathless.  “You don’t have to do this.  Just let me go now and everything will be okay.”

 

“You really are pathetic, you know that?”  Kristen snarled, still on all fours, her belly hanging between her limbs.  “Yeah, I do have to do this, and I’ll do it any damn way I have to.  So, you think about getting past me Doc, and you just think about how easily I could trip you.”  She smiled soullessly; her eyes black with hatred.  “Yeah, I can just see you taking a header.  That wouldn’t be too good for your *innocent* little baby, huh?”

 

Marlena swallowed distraughtly, the saliva sticking in her throat and making her feel as though she wanted to choke.  She was in very big trouble, she knew that, and she knew Kristen’s threats were real.  The woman was insane, and she had no fear, no concern for herself.  She only had one aim and she would do anything to achieve that end. 

 

With glazed eyes fixed on Marlena, Kristen clumsily moved towards the dresser under which the knife had disappeared, but Marlena took that slim diversion and moved sideways slipping out of Kristen’s immediate sphere of influence.

 

Quickly, without looking behind her, Marlena made her way to the door.  But her hands were slippery with her own blood and her arm was fiery with pain.  Her heart was pounding as she tried desperately to unlock the door, but just as she managed to twist the lock open, Kristen’s voice sounded right behind her ear.

 

“Forget it *Doc*.”  Marlena jumped visibly as grimy steel came in contact with her skin and she froze.  “That’s *better*,” Kristen whispered with evident pleasure.  “Wouldn’t want you making a lucky escape now, would we?”  Reaching out, she twisted the lock closed again and then slid the flat plane of the knife blade against Marlena’s neck.

 

“You know, that was a *really* dumb thing to do, Marlena,” she said snidely as she grabbed Marlena’s arm and directed her to turn around.  “Cause now I *really* want to make you suffer.”  She pushed Marlena back towards the French doors and walked with her captive, the knife now menacingly warm against Marlena’s skin.  “Open it,” she commanded as they reached the door.  Once they were out on the balcony, Marlena would have nowhere left to go, and Kristen could finally finish what she came for.

 

Marlena’s hands shook violently as she reached out and opened the door.  She couldn’t believe this was happening.  Not when she was *so* close to escaping.  The air outside the apartment was stifling and only served to heighten the sheer terror that swamped her.

 

Her only *real* hope was if John and Gene were to turn up.  They had realized that it was a set-up down at the warehouse, surely it couldn’t be long before they returned.

 

“Oh, please God,” she offered up a silent and desperate prayer as Kristen followed her out onto the balcony.  “Please, I need him.  *Please*.”

 

 

******

 

 

John stared at the phone in anguish, his mind blank with dread.  This couldn’t be happening.  This was all his worst nightmares rolled into one terrifying moment.  His head snapped up as Q cleared his throat.

 

 

“Doc’s.”  He demanded.  “Take me there.  *Now*.”

 

Q stared at him blankly, his mind reeling with the implications.  He had left Marlena alone at the penthouse.  Alone and vulnerable.  They’d been set up, and who had the means and more importantly, the motive to want both him and John out of the way?  

 

Kristen knew them all well enough, even in her delusional state, to know how they would react.  How Marlena would not let John walk into danger by himself.  It was a gamble that she would send Q to help John, but it was one that a lunatic would lay money on.  He only prayed it hadn’t paid off, *yet*.

 

“Eugene!”  John’s eyes were blazing with rage and fear and a silent shudder ran through Q.  With Marlena’s safety in danger, John was a loose cannon.  Taking him into a situation that was fraught with danger for Marlena and with Kristen balancing the knife-edge of psychosis, could be lethal.  Q shook his head.  He’d been the one to leave Marlena, to expose her to this danger.  He couldn’t risk John charging in to the rescue and screwing everything up.

 

“I… what about Kristen?” he suggested desperately.  John could feel his heart pounding out a cadence of panic as he looked at Q in disbelief.

 

“You and I *both* know that Kristen is probably at Docs,” he snarled angrily.  “This whole thing was a f*cking set-up, and we fell for it.  Marlena’s in trouble and every second we’re wasting could be the one that makes the difference Eugene.” John growled angrily.  He wanted to punch something and being that Q was the nearest thing, he had a great deal of trouble not taking a swing.  But he managed to resist the temptation somehow.  This wasn’t the time. 

 

Q opened his mouth to argue again but one look at John’s thunderous face convinced him to give up.  John was right, they were wasting time.  John’s presence inserted a wild card that Q wasn’t prepared to deal with, but he had no choice.  He could only hope that John could somehow restrain himself enough to calm Kristen instead of making things worse.

 

“All right,” he nodded.  ” But you’d better damn well not make me regret this.”

 

“Let’s go then,” Roman took a step towards the door but John caught his arm.

 

“No.  Roman, I need you and Abe to go to the loft.”

 

“But you already said Kristen is most likely at the penthouse,” Roman protested.

 

“But Maya never should have let her out of the loft,” John explained with more patience than he was feeling.  “Something is wrong there.  Maya should have called me or she should be answering the phone.”  He felt the fear gnawing at his belly.  “You have to go there.”

 

“Doc’s in trouble!” Roman reiterated furiously. “Why the hell are you arguing the point?  Let’s *go*!”

 

“Marlena is *my* responsibility.”  John returned with pure desperation.  Roman couldn’t come with them if they were to get there as fast as inhumanly possible.  But coming up with a coherent argument was proving increasingly difficult.  Because one thought swamped all others.  Marlena needed him.  She was in trouble, he knew it.  He could feel it deep inside his soul, like an echo that vibrated inside him. 

 

 

“Roman, *please*.  We don’t have time to go into this.  I can’t argue this with you Just trust me, please.”  He looked over at Abe and repeated his plea.  “Abe, please, go to the loft.”

 

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”  Abe looked worried and he glanced to Eugene for confirmation.   He knew how John’s temper could get him into trouble and he didn’t want to see *anyone* regretting this decision.

 

“Sure.” Both John and Eugene nodded their heads in unison.

 

“All right,” Abe nodded his acceptance, realizing the need for urgency.  He turned to Roman who was still unconvinced and laid his hand on his arm.  “C’mon buddy.  Let’s go.”

 

“Abe I…” Roman looked across at John.  The man was looking increasingly agitated and Roman knew the feeling only too well.  Marlena might no longer be his responsibility, as John had pointed out, but he was still exceedingly concerned for her safety and he wanted to help her.  But to stand here and argue with John and Eugene over who was going where wasn’t going to accomplish anything.  It certainly wasn’t going to help Marlena.  “Okay.”  He nodded finally.  “I’m with you.”  There was no further discussion as Roman and Abe departed the warehouse, their faces grim.

 

“Okay, you are going to find this a little disorienting,” Q warned.

 

“Okay, whatever.  Just get on with it.” John stuffed his phone in the pocket of his jacket and looked expectantly at Q.  Nodding, Q raised his fingers.

 

 

******

 

 

“All dressed up and nowhere to go!” Kristen pushed the doors to behind her as Marlena turned to face her.   She wore a crazed grin on her face as she wiped the blood that was trickling from her nose.  “Now it’s just you and me, Doc on this tiny little balcony.”  She looked out over the railing.  “It’s an awfully long way down don’t you think.”

 

“Kristen, please!” Marlena gasped for breath.  “John knows something is wrong.  He’s on his way here even now.  Just give it up.”

 

“Oh no,” Kristen shook her head, her grey eyes burning with hatred.  “I don‘t think so.  John isn’t here, and he won’t *be* here in time.  It’s just you and me and the only stakes are if you want to live more than I want to see you *dead*.”  She stepped forward.  “something tells me that’s not possible.  You see,” her voice lowered and the vicious loathing it carried drove chills through Marlena.  “I *hate* you.  You don’t even have *any* idea how much I hate you and that’s going to be all that I need.”

 

There was no more warning as she charged at Marlena again the knife flashing.  Marlena ducked sideways and threw her arm out, slamming Kristen’s against the wall of the balcony so that the knife clattered to the ground again.  Before Kristen could recover, Marlena flicked the knife away with her toe.  “Oh no, don’t worry Kristen,” she panted.  “I *hate* you too.”

 

“Not as much as I hate *you*,” Kristen screamed as she lunged at Marlena again.  Marlena tried to duck again, but she was exhausted and that combined with the pregnancy were finally taking their toll.  Even the adrenaline was failing and agile movement was now quite impossible.  She felt a sudden pain as Kristen caught her by her hair and they grappled as Kristen forced her up against the railing.

 

“I’ll see you in *hell* you b*tch!” she shrieked as she wrapped her fingers around Marlena’s throat and began to squeeze.  Out of the corner of her eye, Marlena could see the ground far below her and she grabbed hold of Kristen’s wrists fearfully.  If she tried to pry herself away, Kristen could well take the opportunity to send her over the railing with one good shove.  But if she didn’t…..

 

 

And then suddenly she could feel John.  It wasn’t anything physical, more that she could sense his sudden presence, and even through the struggle and the fear, she knew he was there with her.  Somehow that was enough to calm her and give her strength and she gathered all the breath she still had in her.

 

“*John!*”  She couldn’t see him but she knew he was close.  She simply had to have faith that he would find her before it was too late.  But her voice was weak and black spots swam into her vision as her body suffered from a lack of oxygen.  “*Help*!”

 

 

In the living room, John looked around, seeing the overturned chair and the broken picture frame.  More frightening than that, was the blood smeared on the carpet and on several of the windowpanes.  It confirmed his fears, and he felt a wave of sheer panic sweep through him.  As he raised his eyes, his gaze drawn to the daubs of blood, he realized the French doors were ajar and that there was someone out there….

 

 

“Oh my G*D!”  He took off at a sprint across the living room, Q on his heels.  Throwing his arm out he sent the door flying open so that it swung back on itself, the handle shattering the pane of glass it collided with.

 

“Get *away* from her!”  He wrenched Kristen roughly away from Marlena, catching his fiancé with his free arm.  Kristen wheeled back, wide-eyed and smacked straight into Eugene. 

 

“Oh my G*d Marlena!  Marlena, baby, are you alright?”  He dropped to the cement floor, cradling Marlena in his arms.  His fingers shook as they touched the oozing blood that covered the cut in her arm. It wasn’t a bad cut, but it must have been painful enough to disorient her when she was under attack.  “Honey, please open your eyes.  Talk to me Marlena.”  He brushed the hair off her forehead and tears spilled onto her warm skin as he made his desperate plea.  “C’mon baby, wake up.  Please just wake up.  I’m so sorry.  I’m so, *so* sorry.”

 

There was no reply, no sign that she had heard him as she lay silently and frighteningly still in his arms. Dear God, please let her be okay.  Please, after everything, you can’t take her from me *now*. Not now….  He brushed the hair back from her face and pressed his lips gently to her forehead.  She was so incredibly still; it was terrifying and he had to drop his cheeks to her lips for a moment to make sure that she was still breathing.  Her cheeks were still wet with tears, he couldn’t tell if they were his or hers, but he gently kissed away the traces of salty moisture that lingered on her soft skin.

 

“C’mon Marlena,” he murmured tenderly, his shaking fingers cupping the side of her face.  “C’mon baby.  I’m here now.  Everything is going to be okay.  I’m going to make everything okay.”

 

Kristen struggled in Q’s arms as she watched John plead with Marlena, but the man had a grip like iron, and she was reduced to playing voyeur to the one scene she wanted least to witness.  And so, she watched as John held Marlena close to him, as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed away the tears on her pale cheeks.  It made her feel sick to see it, to see the love and tenderness he lavished on her.  To see the way he looked at her, in a way he had *never* looked at Kristen.

 

It seemed like forever before Marlena’s lashes fluttered and John thought there was nothing quite as beautiful as the golden-flecked hazel irises that she raised to his own eyes.

 

“John?”  Her voice was scratchy, and she coughed slightly with the effort of speaking, but he found himself grinning crazily, just happy that she was talking at all.

 

“It’s okay baby,” he stroked the wispy bangs from her forehead.  “It’s okay, I’m here.  Nothing to worry about now.”

 

“I knew you’d come,” she spluttered slightly, and John tightened his hold on her.

 

“Of course I came,” he leant over her and pressed his lips to her forehead, wiping away the moisture of his tears.  “Nothing could keep me away.”

 

“John-” Kristen’s voice was imbued with agonized defeat and John looked up at her, his eyes cold and full of disgust.

 

“Get her out of here,” he demanded in a vitriolic tone as he held Marlena to him.

 

“My pleasure,” Q locked his fingers around Kristen’s wrist and yanked her roughly back into the penthouse, leaving Marlena and John alone on the balcony.

 

John could feel Marlena trembling in his arms, and he saw her fearful glance at the open door.

“It’s okay baby,” he tried to sound calm and reassuring, but the truth was that he was starting to shake too. 

 

“I…” her voice cracked as she clutched a handful of John’s shirt.  Suddenly she felt dizzy and cold and completely overwhelmed.  During the struggle with Kristen, she had been running mainly on adrenaline, but now it was all over, the terror and pain that hadn’t had time to assert itself was suddenly crushing.  “Oh  G*d, John.”  She panted, trying to catch her breath, but it was as though the more she tried, the dizzier she got, and she clung to John tightly.  “Oh G*d.  I thought I….”

 

Her strained sobs tore at John, and he closed his eyes tightly, just holding her close and thanking God that she was safe, that he’d managed to get to her in time.  He could feel her blood, sticky and cooling as it smeared against his skin, and he shuddered slightly as he rocked her.

 

Moments later, he opened his eyes and gathered her more fully into his arms.

 

“C’mon baby, I have to get you to the hospital.”

 

“Not yet,” she shook her head determinedly.  “Just a few minutes… I just need a few minutes with you.”

“No way.”  John shook his head.  “You can have as many moments with me as you like pretty lady, but only after I’ve gotten the all-clear from the doctors at the hospital.”

 

“John-” she struggled weakly in his arms, but John only shook his head. 

 

“This is one time you are not changing my mind Doc.  You might be stubborn, but baby, when it comes to your health and safety, I got you beat every time.”

 

 

******

 

 

Abe walked toward the open door with misgivings.  He knew that John and Marlena had been keeping the truth about their relationship a secret for fear of how Kristen might take the news.  And Roman had filled him in briefly on the way over on what had happened recently.  Or as much as he knew anyway. 

 

Evidently Kristen had gone to Marlena’s and accused her of stealing John away.  And as John had suggested weeks ago, she sounded highly unbalanced.  For this reason, Abe could understand John’s fear.

 

“I don’t like this Abe,” Roman muttered as he pulled his gun out of the holster he wore over his chest.

 

“Me either buddy,” Abe moved to the door, his own gun drawn and pressed his back up against the cool brick. 

 

Carefully, he edged his head around the corner and made a quick surveillance of the empty living room.  Satisfied that it wasn’t a trap, he moved into the loft, his gun still drawn.  Every nerve was on edge as he swung around, taking in as much of his surroundings as he could.

 

Roman, following him, covered his back and he made a sweep of the apartment too.  It was only a moment before they found what they were looking for.  Roman clenched his jaw and swallowed as Abe breathed out softly feeling sick to his stomach.

 

“J*sus Chr*st.”

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen glared sullenly at Q as she sat on the bottom step of the staircase.  He glowered back at her in silence, wishing he’d tied her to the railing instead of cuffing her there.  As far as he was concerned, the more pain she had to suffer, the better.

 

He was running the catalogue of things he’d like to do to her through his mind when John’s cell phone rang.  He had placed it on the sideboard the moment they had arrived in the penthouse apartment and Eugene had his hand on it almost immediately.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Gene, it’s Roman.  What’s happening?”

 

“It’s okay Roman, we got here in time.”  Kristen sent him a vitriolic look and he turned away from her.  “Only *just* in time, but Marlena is all right.”

 

“Wish we could say the same,” Roman sighed wearily.  “Can I talk to John?”

 

“I’ll check, they’re kind of…” he looked out of the window, “they’re taking a few minutes.”

 

“It’s important Gene,” Roman moved further outside the doorway where the scent of the coagulating blood was less cloying.  He had never been able to get used to the smell of death and he wasn’t about to start now.  Especially when it was so damn senseless.

 

“All right then.”  Q crossed the room and stood in the doorway, holding out the cell phone.  “John, it’s Roman.  He needs to talk to you.”  Marlena disentangled herself from John’s arms as he looked up.  “He says it’s important,” Eugene added. 

 

John nodded and looked back at Marlena who was wiping her face.

 

“You okay sweetheart?” he whispered tenderly.  “Just one minute, okay?”  She nodded wordlessly and he reached out to take the phone from Eugene.

 

“Roman?” He could feel Marlena was still shaking and he wrapped one arm around her pulling her close again.  She laid her head against his shoulder, and he tangled his fingers in her hair.

 

“John, is Doc okay?” Roman asked quickly.

 

“She’s in shock Roman.”  John didn’t really want to be wasting time talking to Roman, but if he had said it was important then he didn’t really have much choice.  “I’m just about to take her to the hospital.  She has a cut that needs to be looked at and Kristen….” He felt Marlena shiver violently in his arms and his sense of urgency was renewed.. “Look, I’ll explain it all when we see you.  I really have to get her to a doctor…”

 

“Well, thank G*d she’s okay,” Roman could feel a little of the tension seep from his shoulders.  “I have some news for you before you go.  I’m afraid it’s not quite such good news. We’re at your loft.  I’m afraid the nurse you hired….” he sighed painfully.  “She’s dead John.”

 

“Maya’s dead?” John felt a chill course through him, and Marlena moaned softly, the noise vibrating softly against his chest

 

“Very messy.  There’s blood *everywhere* John.”  He rubbed his face wearily.  “She was stabbed in the abdomen several times from what we can tell without the medical examiner but there’s no sign of the weapon here.”

 

“At a good guess,” John looked down at the blood on his shirt that had come from Marlena’s cut and winced, “I’d say it’s here somewhere.”

 

“That’s what I was thinking,” Roman stepped to one side to let the paramedics through.  It was pointless, the girl had been dead when they had arrived, had probably been dead for a good forty-five minutes, but they were obliged to try all the same.  “Kristen’s still there?”

 

“Yeah,” John could see her through the glass, and he felt another shudder course through him.  He reinforced his grip on Marlena, reminding himself how lucky he was that she was all right.  He had come *so* close….  “Eugene has her in the living room.  He’s not going to let her go anywhere.”

 

“Good.  Abe’s sending Berkowitz and Samuels over to get things underway over there.  We’ll follow when we’ve gotten things wrapped up here.”  Roman looked back into the loft where the paramedics were going through their paces.  He shook his head bleakly as he wondered how many more lives the DiMera’s were going to destroy before they were done.

 

“Right,” John felt utterly exhausted.  “We’ll see-“

 

Marlena suddenly clutched at him with a sharp intake of breath, interrupting his train of thought.  He almost dropped the phone as he saw how pale she was.  “Doc, baby what’s wrong?”

 

She didn’t answer immediately, and he suddenly felt a rush of pure fear.  She was okay; she’d said she was okay.  G*d, John, you idiot!  Of course she’s not okay.  Kristen almost killed her and you’re sitting here on the balcony babbling like a fool! 

 

Wincing, Marlena forced open her eyes, and John could see the distress and the alarm that swamped them.

 

“John,” she croaked, her knuckles white where she clutched at his shirt.  “We need to get to the hospital.  Quickly.”

 

“Wh-?” he began before he saw another wave of pain sweep across her face.  Panic uncoiled in the pit of his stomach.

 

“Gene,” he shouted, forgetting he had Roman on the other end of the phone.  “I have to get Doc to the hospital!  NOW!”

 

 

Chapter 133 – Double Trouble

 

 

Gathering Marlena up in his arms, John kissed her lightly.

“Don’t worry sweetheart, it’ll be okay.  The baby is going to be just fine, I promise.”

 

“I’m frightened John,” the tears were evidence enough of that as she tightened her arms around his neck.  The baby wasn’t due for another two months.  This was too early.

 

“I know you are sweetheart, but I’m going to get you to the hospital and you’re going to be just fine, okay?”  He sounded more composed than he felt.  He had this odd knack of being cool in a crisis while inside he was churning with panic.  But somehow, when people, especially his family, were depending on him, he could manage to do just about anything to make sure they were all right.

 

“Okay.”  She nodded, taking strength from his calm.

 

“Take a deep breath Doc.  Just take a deep breath and count to ten.  I’m going to get you to the hospital right away.”

 

He carried Marlena through the living room, not even able to look at Kristen as he passed by her.  What she had done here was unbelievably despicable. And he didn’t care what she said about his contribution to her insecurity.  Nothing *made* a person take another life.  It was a conscious decision, cold, calculating and *evil*.

 

Pausing at the door he looked to Q.

 

“Eugene?”

 

“John, she’ll be okay, just-” 

 

Another contraction gripped Marlena’s abdomen and she groaned loudly, clutching her stomach.  At the same time, there was a knock at the door.

 

“Mom?  *Mom*, is that you?”  Sami’s voice sounded through the door and John could detect a frantic edge creeping into it.  He tried to turn the door-handle but found that it was locked and he backed away to allow Eugene to unlock and open it.

 

“Samantha,” he didn’t have time to waste explaining this situation to his daughter.  “Your mother is going into labor.  I need your help.”

 

“Oh my G*d, Mom!!”  Sami’s wide cerulean eyes took in Marlena’s disheveled state along with the bloodied cut on her arm and she blanched.  “John what the hell is going on here?”

 

“Look, I’ll explain it all to you at the hospital, okay?  Right now, we have to hurry.”  John felt the contraction subside as Marlena relaxed, trembling in his arms.  “Eugene, stay here with Kristen until Abe arrives, will you?”

 

“Of course,” Q nodded, though he wasn’t entirely sure that it was a wise idea to leave him alone with the woman.  But there really weren’t any other options right now.    “I’ll follow you later.”

 

“Right,” John turned back to Sami.  “Samantha, I need you to go and find Lucie and tell her to take the children to the pub for the night.  I don’t want them coming back here and they certainly can’t go to the loft.  Not under *any* circumstances, do you hear me?”

 

“Yep,” Sami nodded knowing better than to ask any more questions.  “Do you want me to tell Granma and Granpa about Mom?”

 

“Sure thing peanut,” John nodded and frowned as he felt Marlena tense in his arms again.  “We have to go,” he looked at Q intently and Q nodded.  “I’ll see you there.” 

 

John stepped through the doorway and Q shut the door behind them so that they were shielded from Kristen and Sami’s view.  Then the world around John and Marlena dissolved.

 

 

******

 

 

“John?  *John*!”  Roman was almost frantic as he heard John tell Eugene that they had to go to the hospital.  “Oh sh*t!”

 

“What’s wrong buddy?” Abe’s worried face appeared in the doorway.  He had on latex gloves that were stained scarlet with the blood of the dead woman and he was holding a crime scene bag in one hand.

 

“It’s Doc,” Roman snapped the cell phone shut with a grunt of frustration.  “I think she just went into labor.”

 

“But she’s okay?” Abe’s expression relaxed slightly, a measure of his relief in hearing that Marlena was still alive.  His greatest fear, until this moment, had been that Kristen had repeated at the penthouse what she had accomplished here.

 

“Apart from the fact that she could have her baby two months early, sure she’s just great!” Roman couldn’t control the sarcasm that gave a caustic edge to his words.  But when he saw Abe’s face, he recanted immediately.  “Sorry partner.  Didn’t mean that.  I’m just worried about her.”

 

“I know you are Roman,” Abe nodded grimly.

 

“They said she seems all right.  They got there just in time by the sounds of it.  We should get over there as soon as we can wrap things up here.”  Roman rubbed his suddenly pounding forehead.  “Dammit, I forgot to call Trudie and cancel lunch.”

 

“I think she’ll understand,” Abe counseled with feeling as he snapped the bag closed and pulled off the bloodied gloves.  “Is Kristen still at Marlena’s?”

 

“Yeah, sounds like she might have tried to pull a job like this on Marlena.  She had a cut…”  He felt sick just thinking about it.   Nobody should have to suffer terror like this.  Especially Marlena. 

 

“Then we need to get over there and book her.”  Roman looked at Abe in surprise.  The hatred and abhorrence in his tone were ill disguised.  Usually Abe was so levelheaded, so able to contain his disgust, but it seemed that even the Commander had his limits.

 

“At least we’ll be able to put one DiMera behind bars,” Roman muttered as he followed Abe back into the loft.

 

One down, one to go.

 

 

******

 

 

Q stared at Kristen intently.  Sami had gone and they were alone in the penthouse.  The quality of his gaze made Kristen more than a little nervous, though she was determined not to show it.  She had to figure how to get out of this mess and fast.  This was not how things were supposed to go.  Marlena was supposed to be dead, and once that witch’s hold on John was severed, he would come to realize what it was that he had almost thrown away.

 

But instead, she had failed.  John had come too soon, and he had not even looked at her but to slay her with an icy glare.  He had only cared about Marlena, held Marlena, declared his love for Marlena.  And how Marlena had played victim to the hilt, making pained eyes at John, knowing he couldn’t help but play hero.

 

Her body trembled with rage as she sat on the step.  How right she had been to believe that John had betrayed her.  All along, he was just pacifying her until he could be with Marlena.  And now there was nothing Kristen could do to stave off the inevitable.  She had lost. 

 

Everything.

 

Looking up again, she saw that Q’s gaze had not shifted.

 

“What do you want?” she snapped, unable to take the scrutiny any more.

 

“From you?” he sneered.  “*Nothing.*”

 

“Then why don’t you f**k off?”  Kristen glared at him venomously.

 

“I’ve been wondering the same thing about you for quite some time now,” Q said, deceptively relaxed.  “I mean, if you weren’t quite such a pathetic, sniveling wretch, you would have realized long before now that John was lying to you.  Placating you.”  He leaned towards her, his lips forming a grim line.  “Patronizing you.”

 

“Who the *hell* do you think you are!” she shouted, livid with anger.

 

“Someone who knows the truth,” he crossed his arms, leaning casually across the railing.  “Someone who knows what John and Marlena mean to each other.  Have *always* meant to each other.”

 

“Oh *please*,” Kristen wrenched at the handcuff, but it merely rattled against the railing.  “She *uses* people.  Your *precious* Marlena sees what she can’t have, and she reaches out and *takes* it.  And then when she gets sick of it, she casts off the old and used.”  She narrowed her eyes.  “She did it to Roman and she’s done it to you.  The only time she wants John is when she can’t have him.”

 

“The really sad thing is that I think you actually believe that.” Q shook his head, the disdain evident in his narrowed eyes.  “Your grip on reality is really rather amusing.  Or it would be if it wasn’t so damn tragic.  You have rather a nasty knack of judging others by your own standards.  Which is why you don’t understand Marlena.  And why you never will.”

 

“I don’t *want* to understand her,” Kristen hissed as she glared at him from eyes that looked oddly reptilian.  “I *hate* her.”

 

“Of course you do,” Q nodded.  “She’s the antithesis of everything you are.  Beautiful.  Successful.  Generous with her heart and her time.  A woman with incredible amounts to give other people but who is modest herself.   She has integrity, loyalty and she never fails to put other people before herself.  Of *course* you don’t understand her.”  He looked at her with open dislike.  “You are mean-spirited, unkind and selfish.  You are shallow and self-obsessed.  You use other people to your own ends and only feign interest when it suits your cause.  You are a pathetic excuse for a human being, and believe me, I’ve seen enough to know.”

 

“A little obsessed with her, aren’t you?” Kristen taunted.  “I’m surprised she dumped you, waking up with you fawning all over her every morning must have done her self-esteem the world of good.  But then one man was never enough for dear ol’ *Doc*.  She always needed more than one man hanging around to sate her gargantuan ego.”

 

“Oh so she stole John away from you is that it?” Q asked with a hint of amusement.  “You and your precious little *family*?”

 

“That’s *exactly* it,” Kristen felt slightly vindicated to hear the words come from someone else’s mouth.  “John was with *me*.  We would have been a family.”

 

“Ah, you see, that’s where you got it so, *so* wrong,” Q actually laughed.  “Because even though you raped him….  Yes, despite gadgetry and hypnotism, that’s what non-consensual sex is termed in this so-called ‘civilized’ society.  *Rape*.”  He waited until her confusion registered and then developed into understanding.  “But I digress.  Because even *though* you raped John in order to fall pregnant again, the irony is,” he grinned wickedly, “that baby that you think will bring you together with John, is actually genetically his and Marlena’s.”

 

 

******

 

 

Everything was white for a moment and then the walls of a hospital corridor winked into view.  John stood for a moment, trying to gain his bearings and he blinked, clearing his vision.

 

In his arms, Marlena was trying to ride through another contraction and his heart skipped a beat when he saw how pale she was.

“Hang on baby,” he entreated, as he tried to work out where Eugene had deposited them. 

 

As it turned out, he didn’t have to as Lexie rounded the corner.  She was glancing at her wristwatch, and he saw her before she was aware of their presence.

 

“Lexie, thank G*d!”

 

“John?” she stared at him in shock for a moment and then she realized what was going on.  “Oh, my G*d!”  Casting around, she tried to determine the best course of action.  It was only seconds before she heard another moan of pain tear through Marlena, and she made a quick decision.  “Quick, this way.” 

 

Beckoning for John to follow her, she set off at a trot towards the emergency room.

 

 

******

 

 

“You’re full of bullsh*t,” her lip curled in disgust.  It was so blatantly impossible it was ridiculous.

“Oh, am I?” Q smirked.  “So, tell me why you think John went back to you then.  After he had told you he couldn’t stand you and he wanted nothing to do with you?”  His leer widened as he saw her pale slightly.  “Remember that don’t you Kristen?  And then suddenly, after you tried to top yourself, he was suddenly *so* sympathetic.  But he *still* didn’t want to touch you, did he?”  He leaned close to Kristen, and she found herself shrinking away almost involuntarily.  She swallowed as he continued. 

 

“*Why* is it you think that John suddenly moved you back into his apartment?  And then moved into a separate bedroom?”

 

“He was worried about the baby,” she stuttered and then realized what she had said.

 

“Yesss,” the sound was sibilant, and it made Kristen’s skin crawl as her heart began to thump loudly against her ribcage.  “He *was* worried about the baby.  Do you remember the conversation that Marlena overheard?  When he told the baby how much he loved it.  Loved its mother?  Do you remember him saying your name Kristen?”  He raised his brows as if to punctuate his point.  “No, I don’t think you do.”

 

One corner of his mouth curled upwards in a lazy grin that looked as if it was permanently etched there.

 

“You see *Krissy*, you just can’t compete with Marlena.  You’re not bright enough, not beautiful enough.  Just not *good* enough.  Any *any* department,” he added nastily.

 

“*SHUT* up, just *shut* up,” Kristen screamed in rage.  “You’re a *liar*!  A filthy *liar*.  It’s not true.  It can’t be true.”

 

“It is true, and you *know* it,” he lost the grin and his eyes narrowed, his lips twisting into an unpleasant scowl.  “You know it in that dead, cold place inside you that passes for a heart.” 

 

His voice dropped and part of him recognized that he was taking great pleasure in bringing this woman pain.  In tearing from her the one last shred of light that was left in her life.  But the rest of him didn’t care.  The rest of him knew that she didn’t deserve any light.  She had tried to take Marlena’s life, to take *that* light from so many lives…. 

 

She deserved to suffer…. and then suffer some more.  And he would enjoy every moment of inflicting it.  If that made him a bad human being, then so be it.  He was Q, and this was not the first time he would take pleasure from another’s pain.  Except this time, the person in question more than deserved it.

 

“Face it, Kristen.  She didn’t take John.  *You* lost him.  Because you were vile and despicable, and you had no morality.”  He stopped and reconsidered and then shrugged, taking pleasure in Kristen’s ashen face.  “No, actually let me rephrase that.  You didn’t lose him.  Because you never *had* him.  You were merely a substitute for the woman John *really* wanted.  The one he *thought* he couldn’t have.  And when he realized he *could* have her, you were history.  Like yesterday’s newspaper.  Good for nothing but the garbage heap.”

 

“It’s not true,” Kristen whispered abstractedly as she ran her hand over her bloated belly.  “It can’t be true.”

 

“Of course it’s *true*,” Q rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.  “Why do you think John loves the brat so much?  You saw today how much he loves Marlena.  Why would he even give a sh*t about your baby?  Especially one conceived through an act of rape?”  She looked up, her eyes wild and he nodded.  “Oh yes, he knows all about the mirror.  You have simply been under sufferance until you have the child and it’s out of danger.  Then as far as you are concerned….” he waved his fingers, “poof!”

 

Kristen shook her head, her jaw clenched and her eyes dry and stinging.  It couldn’t be true.  He was lying.  He was just trying to upset her.  Then why does everything he’s saying make so much sense?  He’s twisting the facts, that’s all.  Just trying to hurt you.  But he’s right.  John hates you.  You saw the way he looked at you.  And you saw the way he looked at Marlena…  He was just angry because she’d hurt Marlena.  He didn’t *really* hate her.  He’d stayed with her… Because of the *baby* you idiot!  He doesn’t love you.  He looks at you like that all the time, he’s only been able to disguise it better… 

 

“Nooooo!” she moaned, rocking on the step, her body shaking with the struggle of the internal argument.  Q could practically hear it inside her head, and he shook his own at the strength of her delusion that she could argue it this vociferously, for this long.

 

“You know, it doesn’t matter how you try and fool yourself; the truth will be obvious once the baby is born.  John will take the child from you, and he will raise it with Marlena.  It is their child and lucky for them, you’ll be locked up on death row forever.  Works out nicely don’t you think?” 

 

“You’re lying, you filthy lying b*stard!” 

 

“Oh no, I’m not lying,” his expression froze into one of loathing and his eyes narrowed.  “Everything that you thought you were going to claim, everything that you tried to take from them…. John and Marlena will have it all.  They’ll raise their two babies as a family with Belle and Brady.  They’ll buy a big house by the water and Marlena will watch her children climb trees and she’ll hold them and soothe away their tears.”  He crouched down in front of Kristen, viciousness gleaming in his eyes.  He had wanted to do this for so long and seeing Marlena in such pain and seeing the terror in her eyes had broken his grip on his resolve.  “You must have seen the diamond on her finger.  You must know, deep down, how happy he is with her.  You were always the intruder.  The interloper.  Once you’re gone, he won’t even think of you.”

 

“Shut up.  Shut *UP*!”  Her shrieks rent the air and Q simply smirked again.  “*Liar*!”  The snarl tore from her throat, her face contorting into a fiendish approximation of anger and in utter frustration Kristen lunged at him, her fingers clawing frantically at the air, trying to reach his face.  With a snort of derision, he stepped out of her range and watched her as she yanked hysterically on the handcuff, emitting a range of screeches that were quite unintelligible.

 

But a split second later that she let out a cry of pain that was eminently understandable and her knees buckled under her.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 134 – Truth, Lies, And The Shape Of Things To Come

 

 

Marlena groaned as another contraction rocked her.  This was all wrong; it shouldn’t be happening this fast, this early.  She could feel someone attaching a cuff to her arm to check her blood pressure as the pain swelled inside her.  Somewhere she could hear her own voice issue from dry lips, but somehow, she couldn’t feel anything but the pain and the fear.

 

She could hear voices whirling around her, see shapes through the aching fog that pervaded her mind, and she knew intellectually that they were helping her.  But somehow it made her panic surge as everything spiraled out of her control.  This was wrong; she shouldn’t have let it happen; she should have been able to stop it.

 

Even as the thought flitted through her mind, the pain seemed to wane slightly and she exhaled in long, slow breaths.  She needed to focus, she knew that, needed to be able to hear the doctors and let them guide her.  Reaching out, she encountered thin air and she dropped her hand wearily to the sterile covers of the gurney.  She wasn’t able to see John and it fostered her burgeoning anxiety when she couldn’t find him.

 

John, where are you?  I need you.

 

John, talking urgently to Lexie, turned in the middle of his sentence.  It wasn’t that he had physically heard Marlena say anything.  But somehow, he felt her fear reaching out to him and gathering him in like icy fingers and he wasn’t going to let her down again.

 

“I’m here baby, I’m here.”  She felt his hand curl around hers and she opened her eyes to find him sitting on the edge of the bed.  It was as though the rest of the world had faded into a mass of colorless moving shapes, but still, his eyes were sharp and held her with a blue that echoed the color of a deepening dusk sky.  The color reminded her of the sunsets they had watched in West Virginia, so calm and serene.  But things had not gone smoothly even there.  She was suddenly struck by how stubborn and selfish she had been.  There had been no way to be sure that the baby was safe and yet she had savored the moments with John as if that hadn’t mattered.  She had been so happy just to be with him, she had grabbed the time irrespective of the possible danger she was putting her baby in.  What kind of a mother did that make her?

 

She struggled for breath as another flash of panic crippled her.  She had been simply lucky in West Virginia, but what if the baby had been hurt in the struggle?  What if giving birth so early was an indication of the fact that there was something seriously wrong?

 

“Doc?  Sweetheart, look at me,” John was concerned by the sudden blankness that appeared in her gaze and he could sense the alarm within her.  “Marlena,” he squeezed her hand and cupped her cheek with a gentle palm.  “Listen to me.  You have to *focus*.  Focus on me.  Look at me, I’m here and I’m not leaving you.”

 

Thankfully, she seemed to respond to his voice, and he felt her fingers return the pressure.

“That’s my girl!”  He gave her a little smile of relief.  “How’s the pain?”

 

“Okay,” she nodded, her voice swamped by all the noise the bustle around them was creating.  “What’s happening?”

 

“They’re waiting for Dr. Robbins to arrive,” he said gently.  “The baby is okay; they have a monitor on you and his heart is beating just fine.”

 

“I’m scared John,” tears trembled on her lashes.  She didn’t want to give into the fear, but it was overwhelming her.  Somehow all she could think was that somehow, she was being punished for something, for her shortcomings as a mother and as a human being.  Logically, she knew, it was silly, but her instincts and her panic were battling with her rationality at the moment and the fear was winning.  “What if something happened to the baby when Kr-” Her voice turned traitor at that moment and she gulped a lungful of air.

 

“We have to have faith sweetheart,” he brushed her cheek with his thumb.  “We’ve done this before, remember?  But this time we have all the experts around.  Nothing is going to go wrong.  Soon you’re going to hold our little baby in your arms and you’re going to feel his soft warm skin.  Or *her* soft warm skin.”

 

He smiled gently as he remembered Marlena’s reaction on hearing that Belle was a little girl.  She’d been so convinced she was going to have a boy.  And instead, she had given birth to their perfect little blonde angel.  He could only pray that they would be as lucky this time.

 

“We don’t know that,” she shook her head, trying to fight the tears.  “John nothing has gone right for months.  I just…”

 

“Shhhh,” John shook his head firmly. “I don’t want to hear that from you Doc.  You know better than that.  The baby is healthy and fine, the doctor said so.  And as for nothing going right, Doc, I survived, were back together and we’re going to add to our family today.”  Tender fingers touched her face, wiping away the waning tears.  “Sweetheart, you can’t give in to the panic.  You have to believe that everything is going to be all right.”  He leaned over and kissed her lightly.  “I love you so much Doc and our babies are going to love you just as much.”

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I know you’re right.  I just….” She sighed and shook her head.  She looked up at him and he found himself caught in her gaze.  “Thank you.”

 

“What for?” he gave her that loving smile he reserved solely for her and she reached up and touched his face with her fingertips.

 

“For always being here when I need you.  For knowing just what to say.”  She smiled, a twinkle lighting the rich bronze of her eyes.  “For loving me so much.”

 

“Always and forever Doc,” he caught her hand in his and gently placed a kiss in her palm.  “I’ll always love you and I’ll always be here when you need me.  And even when you don’t.”

 

“I’ll *always* need you,” her voice wavered as she bit back the tears his words elicited.  “I love you so much.”

 

“I love *you* so much.”  His gentle smile and his warm voice were soothing, and she felt the muscles in her shoulders relax slightly as she leaned against him.

 

“You’ll stay with me, won’t you?” Marlena winced as a nurse set about cleaning the wound in her arm.

 

“Of course I will honey.  Where else am I going to go?”  He couldn’t even imagine not being by her side.  Belle’s birth had been one of the most special moments of his life, but when he had delivered her, he had not known she was his.  This time the experience would be complete.  The woman he loved and their child.  It was only the anxiety over the premature labor that was tempering his excitement.

 

“Marlena,” David Robbins gave the nurse a wide berth as she attended to Marlena’s arm and came to stand by John.  “Didn’t I tell you I didn’t want to see you in here this early?”  His eyes sparkled and he smiled as he said the words, but Marlena felt the truth underlying them and she tightened her hold on John’s hand.

 

“David, Marlena’s been through a very traumatic experience,” Lexie intervened in a gentle voice and John saw the man’s gentle eyes sober as he took in Marlena’s distress.

 

“Oh Marlena, I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize.”  He turned back to Lexie with a concerned glance, and she led him a few feet away, where their conversation was inaudible.

 

“C’mon sweetheart,” John lifted a few stray strands of hair off Marlena’s face with light fingers.  “It’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.  You just have to concentrate on that little baby and how you are going to carry it out of the hospital in a few days.”

 

“I know,” she concentrated on steadying her breathing as she studied the hand that was wrapped around hers.  She wanted so badly to believe that everything was going to be all right.  That she would hold her whole, precious child in her arms in a few hours.

 

But deep down, with everything that had gone wrong, with all the near misses she’d had recently, a gnawing ball of fear had settled in her stomach.  Fear that this time she wouldn’t be so lucky.  That this time, the near miss wouldn’t be quite so ‘near’.

 

 

******

 

 

Q stared at Kristen as she clung to the railing of the staircase.  She was sobbing and in pain and he had a horrible feeling that he knew why that was.  He felt paralyzed for a long moment as he tried to work out what to do, and then he heard a voice behind him.

 

“For Q’s sake.  Take her to the hospital,” Q2 drawled, rolling his eyes hopelessly.  “I know it must be tempting to leave her here to bleed to death.  But this child is rather the point of this whole debacle.  Is it not?”

 

“Of course it is,” Q2 had the ability to get on Q’s last nerve, and the fact that he was here at a moment like this, was enough to blow Q’s last semblance of cool.  “Of course if you weren’t so busy skulking around waiting to drop by with useless advice, and were actually doing something *useful*, maybe none of this would have *happened* in the first place.”

 

“Touché,” Q2 smirked.  “But it makes for such an interesting diversion don’t you think?”

 

“*Shut* up Q,” Q turned his back on Q2 and snapped his fingers.  The manacle around Kristen’s wrist disappeared and her arm curled automatically around her stomach.

 

But as the pain of the contraction subsided, she looked at her swollen belly in horror.  Now that the time had come for her to have the baby she had wanted for so long, it was the very last thing she wanted to do.  All this time, she had been thinking that this baby would tie her to John inextricably.  That he wouldn’t be able to walk away from her once he had held their baby in his arms.  That he would love her for giving him a child.

 

But now those dreams were so much dust.  She knew what he said was true.  She knew it just because she could feel it moving within her.  She had never loved this child, and now she knew why.  It wasn’t hers.  It never had been.  She was just a brood mare to Marlena’s child.  She didn’t even know how it was possible.  Everything in her screamed that it wasn’t possible.  But still, she knew.

 

All of John’s ‘concern’, all of his confessions of love.  They were simply a means to an end.  To tide her over until their *bastard* was born.  Her eyes became icy as she saw Eugene turn back to the strange visitor.  She didn’t know who he was or where he had come from.  None of this seemed real at all.  It seemed like some peculiar dream.  But the pain was real enough and that precluded the likelihood of this being anything but reality.  And that left her with one thought that overrode even the pain.

 

She’d rather *die* than give birth to John and Marlena’s spawn.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena moaned as another contraction began a rippling assault on her uterus and she gripped John’s hand even tighter.

 

“It’s okay baby,” John stroked her hair, “breathe through it, you know how.  Long breaths, c’mon Doc.”

 

Focusing on his voice, she willed herself to concentrate.  She couldn’t give into the fear.  If she gave into the fear, then she was going to lose.  That much was sure.  And she was *not* going to lose.  She had come too far to lose *anything* because of Kristen DiMera.  Letting John’s voice flow through her, she took in a deep breath and blew it out, slow and strong.  Almost immediately, the pain seemed more manageable.

 

She looked up at John as the spasms subsided and she managed a crooked smile.

 

“That’s my girl,” John grinned back at her.  “We’re going to do this together.  You and me and our baby.  Okay?

 

“Okay.”  She nodded her agreement, taking strength from his certainty. 

 

She didn’t think she had ever felt this panicked while in labor, so filled with dread that something was going to go wrong.  Usually she was the strong one, the one that they all looked to for guidance, and the one who provided calm during an emotional storm. 

 

But occasionally, when her confidence was rattled, she couldn’t be that person.  Somehow, she and John were so attuned that he was the strong one when she couldn’t be.  *He* was her rock, he kept her centered and serene when she would otherwise be falling to pieces, and right now she needed him, maybe more than she ever had.

 

“All right Marlena,” David Robbins was back by her side.  “Sounds like you’ve had quite a day.  But it’s not over yet, we’ve still got a bit of work to do.  Do you think you’re up to it?”

 

“Too bad if I’m not really,” she managed a weak smile.  “Or do you think you could have a word with the baby and tell him it’s not time yet?”

 

“Wish I could Marlena, but Lexie tells me you’re already five centimeters dilated.  Looks like we’re in the baby business.”

 

“I was afraid you were going to say that.”  She dropped her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes.

 

“Well, we have a while yet so I’m going to do a quick exam and then I’m going to have you moved to a birthing room.  I have some other patients to see but I won’t be away from you long.”  He touched her arm with a reassuring smile.  “I know this is early but remember your baby is bigger than is usual at this age.  There’s no reason to expect any problems.”

 

“Thanks David.”  She smiled again but it wasn’t entirely convincing.

 

“I’ll be close all right, so don’t worry.”  He gave her a quirky grin, his gentle brown eyes twinkling as he turned to pull on some latex gloves.

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen’s eyes darted around the room as she mentally flitted through her options.  She was never going to get past them, so the only way left open to her was up the stairs.  And once she was there? 

 

Well, she wouldn’t survive a dive from the balcony.  But then what did she have left to live for?  And she would have the pleasure of knowing she took Marlena’s brat to her death with her.

 

A gruesome smile crossed her face as Eugene turned back to the stranger and she edged her way up the stairs.  And then she saw him start to turn back and her movement turned into a mad scramble.  He started after her and she grabbed a handful of the hanging that covered the wall over the staircase.  Wrenching it with almost superhuman strength, she brought it crashing down in front of Eugene and she staggered up the staircase, her hands clawing for a hold to keep herself somewhat vertical.

 

“Uh-uh-uh.”  She reached the top of the staircase only to encounter a pair of military style boots in front of her nose.  Lifting her head, she found herself staring straight into the amused green eyes of Eugene’s visitor.  He waggled his finger at her as he straightened up and gave her a knowing wink.  She felt a shudder echo through her body, but she wasn’t sure why.

 

“Nice try.  I almost like you you’re so utterly selfish.  And quite irredeemable.  There’s something quite admirable about that, I think.  Admirable, but necessarily fatal.”  He sighed as he shook his head.  “Alas, I’m afraid I can’t let you end it all…. *quite* yet.”  There was a cruel edge to his smile, and she would have backed away if only she hadn’t felt Eugene come up behind her. 

 

And then it was a moot point as she crumpled in agony again, the pain gripping her with unbearable force.  She screamed as the spasms tore at her insides, feeling as though someone was trying to tear out her uterus.  And then a rush of warm liquid penetrated the haze, and she realized her waters had broken.  Groaning, she looked up at Q2, her eyes awash with tears and her lips formed a single word.

 

“*Please*.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Okay baby, you’re doing *great*!”  John slipped his arm around Marlena and held her hand as she blew out short, punctuated breaths.

 

“Oh G*d, it hurts,” Marlena panted as she hunched over, her knuckles white as she squeezed John’s fingers.

 

“I know it does Doc, but it’ll be over soon,” he promised gently.

 

“Soon?”  She gasped as another wave of pain hit her.  “I feel like I’ve been doing this forever and I’m not getting anywhere.”

 

“C’mon baby, you have to focus,” he moved from beside her so that he was more in her line of sight.  “C’mon, look at me.  We’ve done this before remember?  We can get through this.  *You* can get through this.”

 

Her hazel eyes, which had been vague a moment before, seemed to concentrate at his words and she lifted her gaze to his own.  He smiled as she nodded her acceptance of his encouragement.

 

“Do you know how much I love you, Marlena?” he whispered, emotion shrouding his voice.

 

“I love you too.”  She sighed as she lay back against the cushions, the pain sliding away as suddenly as it had overtaken her.

 

“G*d I am *so* blessed,” he swept his thumb over her cheekbone and leaned over, drifting his lips over hers. 

 

She opened her eyes and smiled, her sweetly honeyed eyes gleaming.  “We’re *both* blessed.”

 

“John,” Lexie stuck her head around the corner of the door to the birthing room.  “I’m really sorry to interrupt, but I just need to talk to you for a moment.”

 

“Can’t it wait Lex?” John turned to his good friend.

 

“No, I’m afraid not.”  Lexie was looking grim and John felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.  He turned back to Marlena but she was already pushing him off the bed.

 

“I’ll be fine,” she promised.  He said nothing but studied her to determine the veracity of her words.  She nodded earnestly and finally he slipped off the bed.  “As long as you don’t take too long,” she added, allowing her vulnerability to surface. 

 

“Two minutes baby,” he pledged before he left the room with Lexie.

 

“What’s going on Lex?” he brushed his fingers through his hair.

 

“I know you’re really not going to want to hear this right now,” Lexie looked highly uncomfortable, “but Eugene just brought Kristen in.”

 

“He *what*?” John looked around as though he expected Kristen to be standing right behind him.

 

“She’s in labor John.”  Lexie ran pale fingers over a weary face.  “And it looks like it’s going to be a quick one.”

 

“*Sh*t*!”  John shook his head.  He couldn’t believe this was happening.

 

“Look John, I don’t know what’s going on.”  Lexie brought her somber brown eyes up to his.  “I mean, it’s very obvious that you and Marlena….  Ugh,” she spun away, thinking of what John had told her about Kristen’s abortive attempt to kill Marlena.  “Part of me thinks she doesn’t deserve anything from you.  But it *is* your child.”

 

“Even more than you realize,” John muttered.  “Where is she?”

 

“In the ER,” Lexie was just thankful that they had gotten Marlena out of the emergency room before Kristen had arrived.

 

“Thanks.”  John suddenly looked exhausted as he looked in the direction of the trauma center.  “*Dammit*, I don’t want to leave Doc.”

 

“I’ll stay with her,” Lexie offered.  “I’m going off duty now.  If you like, I’ll stay with her until you can get back.”

 

“I need to talk to her first,” John looked back at the door that separated him from Marlena.  “Do you mind?”

 

“Not at all,” Lexie motioned to the door, “let me go and take off my coat and I’ll be right back.”

 

“Thanks Lexie,” John watched her go and then turned back to the birthing room.

 

 

******

 

 

Abe stood in the middle of the living area of Marlena’s penthouse and let his mahogany eyes sweep the room.

 

“I thought they were supposed to be here?”

 

Roman said nothing but looked at the broken glass, which littered the patio.  Crouching down, he studied the blood that stained the shag pile next to the upturned chair.  He could almost see it, Marlena’s terror as Kristen advanced with a knife.  A knife that she had already used to murder one woman.  Had Marlena known that?  She must have suspected something at least.

 

He shuddered as he imagined her terror as she struggled to get away from the homicidal lunatic.  It didn’t matter how many times they thought they had escaped, somehow the DiMera’s managed to turn their lives upside down again.

 

Surely John had known, surely, he must have seen those tendencies in her.  And he did nothing but encourage them, inflame them.  Until Marlena’s life was almost forfeit to the insanity that he had engendered. 

 

The muscles across Roman’s shoulders tightened as he tried to keep a rein on his temper.  He had certainly made his share of mistakes where the DiMera’s had been concerned.  But he liked to think he had learnt his lesson. 

 

When he had almost lost Marlena to Stella Lombard’s own unique brand of psychosis, he had made a personal vow to make sure he never again let his emotions, or his duty take precedence over Marlena and her safety.  He loved her so much and it had always been so hard to balance his need to try and make the world a safer place for as many people as he could, with his need to make sure his beautiful wife was safe and happy.  Too many times he had failed but he’d vowed the moment he had carried her out of that warehouse that he would not fail her again.

 

And then she had betrayed him, and he’d been given no choice. 

 

He snorted privately.  No choice?  Of course he’d had a choice.  He’d chosen his own pride over her *again*.  And he had lost her forever.

 

His jaw tensed as he spied the object under the dresser.  Looking around, he saw a letter opened on the table and carefully he used it to fish the bloody knife out from its hiding place.  He swallowed, but his mouth was dry as he looked at the blade.  It was encrusted with blood and it made him feel sick to realize that some of it was probably Marlena’s.  He was only grateful that Kristen had failed in her ultimate endeavor.

 

“….buddy?”  He shook up to find Abe standing over him.  “Roman did you hear *anything * I just said?”  Roman shook his head as though clearing his mind.

 

“I’m sorry Abe.  What?”

 

“I said I’ll get Johnson to bag that up.”

 

“Oh,” Roman nodded, pushing himself to his feet, his bad leg aching with the effort of the day.  “Sure.”

 

“Hey,” Abe put his hand on Roman’s shoulder sympathetically.  “At least she’s okay.”

 

“No thanks to John,” Roman muttered.

 

“C’mon Roman, you know as well as I do that no-one can play body-guard to Marlena twenty-four hours a day.  She’s a very willful lady.”  Abe allowed himself a little smile.  He wasn’t sure he knew anyone else with a will as strong as Marlena.  Once she had decided something, it was close to impossible to dissuade her.

 

“I just think that he *knew* there was a risk, and he could have done more to make sure she was safe,” Roman’s tone was argumentative and Abe wasn’t sure he had the time to get into this with his friend.  His divided loyalties always made it so difficult anyway.  Roman was a lot better than he used to be, but he still harbored a little niggling resentfulness towards John.  Maybe it was understandable, but it sometimes made things a little stressful.

 

“Roman, the guy *adores* her.  Do you really think he wouldn’t do everything in his power to keep her safe?”  Abe raised his brows.  “I thought you knew better than to judge.  After all you have been there before.”

 

“It’s not the same Abe,” Roman muttered uncomfortably.

 

“It isn’t?” Abe cocked his head.  “C’mon buddy, I thought you’d left the jealousy behind.”

 

“This is *not* jealousy,” Roman retorted angrily.  “That knife almost ended up *in* Doc today.  I’m upset and I’m damn well pissed off, but I am *not* jealous.”

 

“All right, all right.  If you say so,” Abe raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, but his tone made it more than clear that he wasn’t convinced.  Roman glared at him, but he ignored it.  He had more important things on his mind.

 

“Okay so where *is* Kristen then?” he asked as Lieutenant Johnson scooped up the knife and slipped it into an evidence bag.  “I thought Eugene was keeping her here?”

 

“So did I,” Roman looked around as if realizing for the first time that the penthouse was devoid of any occupants but the police.

 

“Commander,” Ellie Davison, the police photographer called his attention from the staircase where the wall hanging lay crumpled across the steps and the railing.  “I think I might know where they are.”  She looked at the damp, bloodied stain, which had spread across the pale carpet.  “If I’m guessing rightly, Dr. Evans isn’t the only one in labor.”

 

 

******

 

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”  John looked distressed as Marlena nodded stoically. 

 

“I’d rather know that our baby is safe.”  She bunched her fists up on the bed.  “You need to go.”

 

“I’ll be right back Doc,” he promised again.

 

“I know you will,” she smiled at him, but her lips were parched and it only made his heart lurch again.

 

“I…”

 

“*Go*!”  She gave him an ineffectual push with her hand, and he knew better than to argue with her again.

 

It was a short walk to the ER and he found Q sitting outside looking bored.

 

“What happened?” he asked without preemption.    Eugene looked up with arched brows.

 

“She started having contractions.  So, I brought her here.”  John just stared at him, unable to decide if he believed him or not.

 

“*What*?”  Q shrugged. 

 

“She *was* three weeks overdue to give birth was she not?”

 

“*Last* time, when she miscarried it was because of you.  Do you expect me just to accept that you were there with her and it just *happened*?” John demanded.

 

“Oh, come on John!”  Q rolled his eyes.  “These babies are twins.  Of course they’re both in labor.  After all, she was under just as much stress as Marlena.  It’s hardly a coincidence.”

 

“Are you telling me you didn’t say anything to her?”  John folded his arms in front of him.

 

“Well….,” Q looked towards the Emergency Room as he heard Kristen’s wail rise above the hubbub of the medical staff.  “Maybe we did have a short conversation.”

 

“About *what*?”  John glared at him.  “What did you say to her?”

 

“Oh, don’t be so stuffy.”  Q couldn’t quite suppress his amusement.  Somehow the encounter with Kristen, for all its high drama, had restored some of his natural sarcasm and he was rather enjoying himself.  “I don’t know what you expect anyway.  Leave me there with her besmirching Marlena’s good name.  I’m bound to lose my temper.”

 

“*Eugene*,”  John could feel his temper rising, “*What* did you say to her?”

 

“Well….. I may have mentioned that this baby is not actually hers.”  Q shrugged, his lips twitching.

 

“You *told* her it was Doc’s?”  John rolled his head back in exasperation.

 

“Oh come *on* John.”  Q was almost disbelieving as he looked at the other man.  “You don’t think she deserves to know the truth?  That she deserves to *suffer* what she did to Marlena.  And that poor girl who just happened to get in her way?”

 

“I don’t give a f**k what happens to her, but my baby…” John’s eyes melted from anger to concern as he heard Kristen scream in pain.

 

“Your baby will be *just* fine.”  Q nodded assuredly.  “That I can promise you.”

 

 

 

Chapter 135 – Deliver Us From Evil

 

Marlena was alone when her next contraction began its rolling assault and she gasped as the muscle clamped down on the tiny life inside.  A tear slipped over damp skin as she grasped the covers on the bed and gritted her teeth.  The muscles corded in her throat as she squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the pain.

 

“*Breathe*,” she heard a soft voice nearby and then a warm hand covered hers.  “Don’t fight it Mom, work *with* the pain.  You know how to.”

 

“Sami,” she forced her eyes open, panting with the exertion. 

 

“Yeah, it’s me,” her daughter’s concerned face appeared in her field of view and Marlena found herself marveling at how blue her eyes were.  They were so much like John’s it was eerie sometimes.  “Come on Mom, no talking, just breathing, okay?”  She blew the short breaths out of her own mouth along with Marlena, following them up with long, soothing exhalations. 

 

Finally, the contraction passed, and Marlena was able to relax back against the pillows.

 

“Where *is* everyone?”  Sami looked around; her anger evident.  “You shouldn’t be doing this alone.”

 

“John had to go and see Kristen,” Marlena said, her voice breathless with the exertion.

 

“Kristen?”  Sami’s forehead creased.

 

“She went into labor not long after you left Sami,” Marlena closed her eyes and raised a hand to her forehead to push the damp bangs away.

 

“Here, let me,” Sami picked up a cloth and dipped it in cool water and then used it to gently wipe the perspiration from Marlena’s face.  Marlena smiled at her daughter.

 

“Oh, sweetie girl.”  She sighed as she wound her fingers around Sami’s. 

 

Sami smiled back, knowing exactly what Marlena had said without saying anything at all.  It was still amazing to her that their relationship had changed so dramatically.  Once she had finally been able to let go of the anger and recognize it for what it was, a fear of rejection, she had finally been able to allow herself to love her mother again.  Or at least *admit* that she loved her.

 

And every day she realized how lucky she was to have a mother that was both confidant and friend.  She’d made mistakes, but as Sami had finally come to realize, that was part of being human.  And now Sami felt almost protective towards her.  She had gone through so much, suffered so much because of her guilt and because of her need to do the right thing by everyone.  And she had suffered so much at the hands of Stefano DiMera that Sami just wanted to see her safe and happy.

 

“Lexie was here,” Marlena suddenly took up their previous conversation, “but she was called away.”  She frowned.  “Poor Lexie, she’d already pulled a double shift, she’s absolutely exhausted.”

 

“Hey Mom,” Sami couldn’t help her grin.  “Don’t you think that if there’s a time you should be worrying about yourself and not other people it should be now?”

 

“Guilty as charged,” the corners of Marlena’s lips curled upwards.  “I’m sorry, I’ll try and behave.”

 

“Good,” Sami nodded.

 

“Have I ever told you that you remind me a lot of J-” the rest of her sentence was lost in a low groan as another contraction assailed her.  “Oh, oh, oh.”  She rocked forward gasping for breath as she moaned with the pain.  Her eyes welled with tears as one hand gripped Sami’s tightly.

 

“It’s okay Mom, it’s going to be okay.”  Sami held her mother, stroking her hair, trying to relax her.  The truth was, she was frightened to see how painful this was for her mother.  She’d already been through three pregnancies, wasn’t it supposed to get easier?

 

“Oh G*d!”  Marlena cried out as everything centered on the aching, tearing agony inside her.  “John.  Where’s John?  I need him.”

 

“It’s okay Mom.”  Sami looked around the room, feeling panicky.  “He’ll be back.”

 

“Ooh G-” she wrapped her arms around her stomach and leaned forward, groaning as she fought for breath.  “Oh *G*D*, please make it stop.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Get it *out* of me!”  Kristen screamed as she thrashed on the bed.  The torture was such that she felt as if her whole stomach was being compressed and torn as the contractions hit, one after another.

 

“We can’t do that Kristen,” Daniel Buchanan exclaimed as he looked at the orderly that was trying to hold her down.  “You’re too far into your labor to consider a c-section and if you don’t calm down you’re only going to make things more difficult for yourself.  The best thing you can do is work with me to get this baby born, okay?”

 

“F**k the baby,” she screamed.  “F**k you all!”

 

“Kristen!”  The strong, angry voice stilled her, and she looked up at him, her eyes wide.

 

“John?” it was barely a whisper, but it conveyed all her dread and almost insanely, all her hope.  Maybe she had been wrong, maybe Eugene had really been lying.  Maybe it had all been a horrible nightmare…

 

“Kristen,” he came to her bedside, and she looked up at him.  The spark of hope inside her died as she saw the distance in his expression, the icy bitterness in his eyes.

 

“John,” she tried weakly, “I’m sorry….”

 

“So am I,” he replied coldly.  “Although I doubt it’s for the same reasons.”

 

“I only….”  Tears filled her eyes.

 

“*Don’t* tell me you did it because you *love* me,” John spat caustically.  “You don’t know what that word means.  All you have ever cared about is your own selfish desires.  If you’d *really* loved me, you wouldn’t have lied to me and you wouldn’t have tried to manipulate Marlena and me.  And you never *ever* would have tried to hurt her.”

 

“I didn’t know what I was doing,” Kristen panted as the pain began to build again.

 

“You knew *exactly* what you were doing.”  John’s lips twitched as he tried unsuccessfully to keep the hatred from spilling into his voice.  “And if you *ever* want me to talk to you again, then I suggest you make sure that this baby is born as quickly and safely as you can manage.”

 

“Mr. Black,” Dr. Buchanan straightened, his face a mask of anger.  “I do not think this is the time or the place for such ultimatums.”

 

“Believe me Doctor,” John turned to him, his eyes chilly.  “This is exactly the right time.”

 

“Ms. Blake is in consider-” Buchanan’s words were drowned out by Kristen as she screamed again, the cramping agonizing.  “Okay Kristen, you need to breathe.  Come on, you know how to do it.  You want to be holding this baby soon, don’t you?”

 

“*No*,” Kristen sobbed as she seized a handful of the sheet that lay loosely across her belly.  “Make it go away.  I don’t want it.  I don’t want to do it.”

 

“I mean it Kristen,” John’s voice was threatening, and Kristen blanched.  “If anything happens to that baby….”  He didn’t voice the consequences, but Kristen had no doubt they would be unpleasant.  And given the severity of the spasms that tore their way down her back and through her abdomen, she was going to have no choice anyway.  This b*stard child was going to be born, whether she liked it or not.  She really had no choice in that.

 

“For goodness’ sake, if you can’t be helpful, then *please* leave!”  Daniel Buchanan was getting increasingly irate at the treatment of his patient.  He knew she wasn’t exactly the most pleasant person in the world, but this was completely uncalled for.

 

“My pleasure,” John was still glaring at Kristen as he answered the doctor.  It was simply sheer strength of will that stopped him from telling her how much he hated her, how much he despised her, and he suddenly understood Eugene’s lapse of judgment.  There was no punishment that was fitting for a creature this bereft of integrity and morals.

 

Turning, he fixed his eyes on a familiar nurse.  Somehow the kind face was enough to make him drop his guard a little and a little of the tightness in his shoulders dissolved.

 

“Michelle, I’ll be down the hall with Marlena if you need me.  If anything goes wrong, I want to know straight away.  In any event,” he glanced back at Kristen who was groaning, “I don’t want her going *anywhere*.  The police will be here shortly, and she will be put under arrest.”

 

“*Arrest*?”  Michelle stopped mid-step blinking as though she had heard wrong.

 

“I can’t discuss it right now,” he felt the bile rise in his throat as he thought of poor Maya, and of Marlena’s near fatal encounter.

 

“Are you okay John?”  Michelle put her hand on John’s arm and looked back at Kristen.  The atmosphere between them was palpable and John looked as though he was going to be sick.

 

“No,” he shook his head, his voice suddenly filled with indecipherable emotions.  “No, I’m not.” 

 

 

******

 

 

“John?  Oh, thank G*d!”  Sami encountered her proxy father in the corridor outside Marlena’s room.  “I was just coming to find you.”

 

“Is she alright?”  He looked immediately panicked.

 

“She’s fine, she just really needs you right now,” Sami looked up at him with ingenuous blue eyes and squeezed his hand gently.  “She told me Kristen is here too.”

 

“Yeah,” he let out a deep slow breath and then rubbed the lines from his forehead with stiff fingers.  Looking at his daughter, he shook his head, still stunned by everything that had transpired in the last few weeks.  “G*d, I can’t even be in the same *room* with her Sami.  She just *disgusts* me so much that I can’t even *look* at her.”

 

 

“What happened back there?” she asked frankly. “At the penthouse I mean.”

 

“Oh….”  His shoulders slumped and he stared down at his feet.  “She…she…” he felt the hot prickle of tears as they gathered at the corners of his eyes, and he brushed them away irritably.  “Kristen found out about the baby, and she snapped.”  He looked at the young woman and found no censure, but simple concern in her sea-blue eyes.  He took a deep breath and decided there was nothing for it.  People deserved to know what had happened.  Deserved to know what a monster, what a true DiMera Kristen was.  “She tried to kill your mother, Samantha.”

 

“Oh, my G*d,” Sami took a shuddering breath.  She’d guessed that they’d had a fight of some description.  She’d seen the blood on her mother’s arms and smeared over her hands and her cheek but nothing like this had even crossed her mind.  Kristen had intended to take her mother from her.  Again.  “Poor Mom.”

 

“I…” his chin trembled as he looked at the young woman in front of him.  “I’m so sorry Samantha, if I had known….”

 

His apology was halted by a cry of pain, and he wheeled around to face the door of Marlena’s room.

 

“Doc!”  He found her hunched over, tears streaking her face as she tried to make her way through the contraction.  Sami followed him in and saw him hovering over Marlena protectively.  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry, I’m here.  Hang on, it’ll be over soon.” 

 

Looking up, Marlena shook her head, alarm resonating in her eyes.  “It’s okay baby,” he whispered, brushing her hair off her face.

 

“No,” she whispered as her face contorted with the pain.

 

“Shhh, don’t fight it,” he folded her into his arms and held her as the pain swelled and then receded.  “There you go.”

 

“No John, you don’t understand,” her normally hazel eyes were the color of damp green moss as she glanced up at him.  “Dr. Robbins was just here.  He said I’ve only dilated half a centimeter in the last hour.  That’s not enough.  If I keep on going on like this…” she shuddered, contemplating long, long hours filled with excruciating, exhausting pain.  In the doorway, Sami felt the same shiver run through her.  She remembered only too well the agony of a labor that wasn’t proceeding as it should.

 

“The baby is okay, isn’t it?” John asked gently.

 

“Right now, yeah, the baby is fine.”  She nodded, letting him settle her back against the pillows.

 

“Well then.”  He used the cool cloth to dab the dampness from her brow.  “It’s okay.  If the baby starts having problems, they’ll deal with it.  Until then there is no point worrying about it okay?” He pushed the moist strands of hair back off her skin.  “You need to conserve your energy, not spend all your time worrying, you hear me?”

 

“I hear you,” she nodded, with a wry smile.  He always had such a knack for helping her to find some calm and put things in perspective

 

“Good, that’s better,” he leaned over and brushed a light kiss across her lips.

 

“So, how’s Kristen?” she asked softly as he pulled back.

 

“Suffering,” he said without remorse.

 

“Is the baby…?”

 

“The baby is just fine.”  He raised his brows sardonically.  “Although that’s probably only luck. Eugene managed to let his tongue run away with him.  She knows it’s not her child now.”

 

“Oh *great*,” Marlena rolled her head back and groaned loudly.  “What did he go and do that for?”

 

“Well, he’s never been exactly *discreet* Mom,” Sami interrupted from her post just inside the doorway.  “Although this time, maybe he was actually justified.  I’m not sure I would have been able to keep my mouth shut if I’d stayed there with her.”

 

“Oh honey,” Marlena beckoned to her, and she crossed the room to Marlena’s bedside.  “I’m sorry you had to get involved in all this.”

 

“Why are you apologizing Mom?”  Sami looked genuinely confused.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.  If Kristen hadn’t been such a pitiful human being, none of this would have ever have been a problem.”  Her anger grew as she crossed her arms in front of her.  Kristen, like her erstwhile father before her, had tried to take Marlena from her family.  To leave her small children motherless.  To take her from the daughter who had just forged a new friendship with her.  Sami didn’t think she could forgive that.  “I *hope* she suffers.  I *hope* she is in agony, and I hope she goes through *hell* for what she put you through.”

 

“Sami,” Marlena’s voice was gently chiding, but Sami could tell her heart wasn’t really in it.

 

“Well Mom, I’m sorry but I can’t just sit by and not pretend that the woman deserves any kind of sympathy.”  Her eyes were hard as she spoke.  “She lied and she cheated, and she tried to trap John and okay, I’ve made similar mistakes before, but I *never* would have physically hurt anybody.  She tried to *kill* you Mom.”

 

“I know what she did Sami,” Marlena said in a firm voice.  “But you can’t let the hatred and anger consume you.”

“You’re not telling me you’re forgiving her?”  Sami was astounded.

 

“No,” Marlena shook her head quickly, a little taken aback at Sami’s suggestion.  “I just would rather not concentrate on the negative emotions.  I think Kristen will get what she deserves.  I’d much rather put what happened behind me and give my attention to the good things in my life.”  She held out her hand and Sami slipped her fingers into Marlena’s grasp.  “Like you,” a smile replaced the serious expression she had on her face and she looked up at John, “and my babies.  And of course, the fact that I have the most wonderful man in my life.” 

 

John smiled back but he didn’t share her gratitude.  Like Sami, he wasn’t sure that he could let go of his rage quite so easily.  He liked to think that he wasn’t a bitter man.  He had weathered many storms; including finding out he wasn’t Roman and losing his family to a stranger.  And even so, he had forged a new life and he had managed to become friends with Roman.  For a while at least.

 

But when it came to Marlena and his children, if their safety or their happiness was compromised, he was like a man possessed.  He would go to the ends of the earth to make sure they were safe and if G*d forbid, something was to happen to any of them, he knew he would not be able to rest until he avenged them. 

 

That was how he had felt about Carrie and why he had ignored any internal warning bells and gone after Stefano with such eagerness.  And he had almost paid for that mistake too dearly.

 

Perhaps Marlena was right, maybe it was better to concentrate on the good things, to count their blessings.  But John knew he couldn’t do that.  Deep down, hidden where she couldn’t see it, where the rage burned steadily, he *wanted* Kristen to suffer.  Wanted her to know exactly what she had lost and what it had cost her.

 

And he would not rest until she and her filthy old b*stard of a father paid for all the pain they had caused the people John loved.

 

 

******

 

 

Kristen lay back against the pillows, gasping for breath.  The contractions were strong and steady now and Dr. Buchanan had announced a moment ago that she was almost fully dilated.  She was going to have a baby, but not her baby.  She would have it and then they would try and take it from her.  And she would have to watch them play happy families. 

 

The thought made her want to vomit.  She’d be nothing in John’s eyes.  She had borne his child, but she would be lower than low.  Of course, it was kind of a moot point anyway because they were bound to send her to prison for what she had done. 

 

She stared at the ceiling, noting out of the corner of her eye that just about everyone was actually avoiding talking to her or encouraging her in any way.  They were all working hard to help deliver the baby, but they didn’t want to deal with her in the process if they could help it.

 

Her thoughts wandered as her eyes traveled the pathways between the panels in the ceiling.  Maybe she could find a good lawyer and plead temporary insanity.  Peter could find someone to represent her, someone who could make a convincing plea.  After all, she had been under so much stress with John sneaking around behind her back.  She could get off the murder charge, go for a few counseling sessions and be a free woman.

 

Of course, there was still Marlena.  Smug, sanctimonious Marlena f**king Evans.  With her perfect golden children and her perfect golden career.  She would have everything Kristen ever wanted.  Including her child.

 

Kristen groaned, feeling the next contraction growing as the muscles began to bunch.  Maybe she’d fight for the child.  Surrogate mothers did, didn’t they?  Gained custody of a child that was not genetically theirs?  Or maybe she’d just take the child and flee.  Somewhere where they would never find her.  Of all the things that would drive Marlena crazy, Kristen bringing her child up was bound to be at the top of the list. 

 

She grimaced as the pain took hold.  She’d have her revenge, one way or another.

 

However, her wicked plans were all but forgotten as the contraction began to rack her again.   With no thought to anything, she screamed her agony so that anyone within earshot was left in no doubt how much pain she was in.

 

“Okay Kristen,” Daniel Buchanan dropped the sheet and looked up at her.  “We’re going to get you down to the delivery suite.  This baby is about ready to be born.”

 

“Just get it over with,” she hissed as she dropped her head and met his kindly gaze. 

 

He paled slightly as he saw the fury and coldness in her deadened eyes and, his step back was a purely instinctual reaction.  He had heard John Black’s comment to Michelle about the police coming to arrest Kristen and he suddenly wondered exactly what it was for.  Because the wild anger conveyed in those cold eyes was almost without bounds.

 

 

******

 

 

Captain Roman Brady and Commander Abraham Carver literally ran through the halls of Salem University Hospital as they neared the maternity wing.  Rounding the corner, they were just in time to see Kristen being wheeled into the delivery suite.  Eugene Bradford was watching the proceedings and as the door swung closed, Roman turned to his old friend.

 

“Mind to tell me what the hell is going on here?” he snapped.

 

“Pretty much what it looks like,” Q shrugged.  “She’s about to have a baby.”

 

“When the hell did she go into labor?”  One of Roman’s hands automatically found his hip.  “You should have called us.”

 

“Didn’t have time Roman.”  He dropped into the nearest chair as though he was completely fatigued.  “It took me rather by surprise.  All I thought was to get her here as fast as I could.”

 

“It’s okay Eugene,” Abe interrupted, feeling sorry for the man.  He’d already had a traumatic enough day surely, without adding to his burden.  “You did a good job.”

 

“Where’s Doc?”  Roman didn’t waste time with pleasantries.  “Is she okay?”

 

“She’s fine as far as I know,” Q glanced back in the direction of the birthing rooms.  “She’s back there with John and your daughter.”

 

“Abe?” Roman looked at his partner and Abe nodded. 

 

“You go buddy, I’ll stay here with Eugene.”  Roman nodded and headed off down the corridor and Abe turned to Q.  “Don’t let him upset you.  The scene at the loft was fairly harrowing and he’s taken all this pretty hard.  He hasn’t said as much but I think he feels he should have done something to prevent this happening.”

 

“Sounds like we’re all suffering from the same sense of guilt then,” Q’s shoulders slumped. 

 

“Commander, we all knew that Kristen was dangerous, that she was potentially homicidal.  And yet none of us managed to prevent it.  And because we were too caught up in thinking we could finally get Stefano DiMera, Marlena almost died.”  He looked up at Abe with tortured eyes.  “Some friend huh?  Can’t even stop some deranged psycho from taking a swing at her.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Oh no,” Marlena moaned, arching her back uncomfortably.

 

“It’s okay sweetheart,” John slid his arm around her and helped her sit up.  “You’re doing really well.  Remember your breathing.”

 

“I couldn’t…. do this,” she panted as the contraction tightened, “…without you.”

 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else Doc,” he told her as he smoothed the hair back off her hot skin.  “You know that.  You know how much I loved being there when Belle was born, but this is extra special.  After all the years we’ve fought to be together, finally we are and you’re having our baby.  Nothing could be more special than that.”

 

“I….”  She closed her eyes and a grunt slipped past her tightly compressed lips.

 

“C’mon baby, don’t talk, you know you have to conserve your strength,” he squeezed her fingers as they wrapped around his.  “Yeah, there’s my girl.  You’re doing great Doc.”

 

“Hey there,” Roman poked his head around the door.  “I was told I might find you in here.”

 

“Roman, hi,” John let Marlena rest against the cushions as the contraction ended.  “Sorry about the ah… abrupt end to our phone call.”

 

“No problem,” Roman ventured into the room.  “Hi peanut.”

“Oh, hi Dad,” Sami was completely non-committal in her reply to her father and Marlena shot her a glance.  She remembered only too well what Sami’s cold shoulder felt like and she didn’t want Roman to have to endure that.  Especially not today, not with all that they had been through.

 

“Roman.”  Sympathy sounded in the single appellation.  “How are you?”

 

“Not so bad Doc,” he shrugged tiredly.  “I’m more concerned about you at the moment.”

 

“I’m doing okay,” she loosened her grip on John’s hand.  “I’ve got a few stitches in my arm but other than that….”  He was pale and he had deep creases in his brow that deepened even as she spoke.  She knew him so well and she knew what he had seen in his long, difficult career and how it affected him.  This must have been awful if his manner was any indication.  “Was it bad?” she whispered.

 

“Let’s not talk about it Doc,” he suggested, his eyes dull and filled with sadness.  “Not today.  Not now.”

 

“Oh Roman,” she felt a shudder pass through her as the chill crept through her skin.

 

“Part of the job Doc,” he shrugged, trying to paste a brighter expression on his face.  “And I think you have a different job to do now.  And you don’t want me butting in on your big occasion.”

 

“Hey Roman,” John lifted his chin, “I’m sorry you had to go through that.  And as far as I’m concerned, you’re not butting in.”

 

“No, you’re not,” Marlena shook her head.

 

“Thanks,” his mouth curled into a crooked smile, but it only barely veiled his sadness.  “I appreciate the sentiment but really, I think I just need to go down to the pub and have a stiff drink.”

 

Sami looked at her mother, correctly reading her concern and then she turned to Roman.

 

“Daddy, why don’t I come to the pub with you?  Maybe you can buy me some dinner.”  Roman looked at the young woman, surprise registering in his eyes and then a genuine smile came to his face.

 

“That sounds great peanut.  Really great.”

 

“All right then,” Sami bobbed her head as she turned back to Marlena.  “You don’t mind do you Mom?”

 

“Of course I don’t sweetie girl,” Marlena tried not to let her relief show too clearly.  “I think it’s a great idea.”

 

“Call us when something happens,” Sami told John as she leaned over to hug her mother.  “Promise me you’ll call.”

 

“You try and stop me,” John looked proudly at Marlena by his side.  “The moment our baby is born, I think I’ll be crowing from the rooftops.”

 

“As long as you call us first,” Sami laughed as she hugged him.

 

“Good luck Doc,” Roman winked at her.  “You must be an old hand at this by now.  I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

 

“Thanks Roman,” she tightened her grip on John’s hand as the next contraction started its inexorable climb on her uterus.  “Look after your Daddy okay Sami?”

 

“I will,” Sami folded her arm around her father’s shoulder.  “Don’t worry about us.  You just concentrate on delivering Will’s aunt or uncle okay.”

 

“Oh don’t *say* that!” Marlena grimaced, trying hard to keep the pain from her voice and her face.  Sami saw it however and she guided Roman to the door.  Turning for a final glance she pointed at John.

 

“*Call* us.”

 

 

******

 

 

In the delivery suite, Kristen was screaming as if her life depended on her ability to produce sounds of the highest decibels possible.

 

“That’s it Kristen, another push,” Dr. Buchanan encouraged.  Kristen screamed again as her muscles bunched and she pushed as hard as she could.  Even if she hadn’t been told to push, she wouldn’t have any choice anyway.  The urge was unbelievable, and she couldn’t fight it even if she wanted to.  And right now, all she wanted was to get this demon child out of her body.

 

“That’s it,” the doctor nodded as the pain eased off and she leaned back against the bed, her vision swimming.  She was gasping for breath and she felt someone place a mask over her face and tell her to breathe deeply.

 

Retreating into herself as she let her body recuperate, she felt her eyes filling with tears.  This should have been the happiest moment of her life.  She should have been delivering her own adored child with John at her side urging her on.  Instead, she was here alone and by some perverse twist of fate, she was having Marlena’s child.

 

Of course, if she had only been honest with herself to begin with, she wouldn’t be in this situation.  She had known that John loved Marlena, but she had sacrificed her integrity and her self-respect to hold onto him.  She had lied and she had manipulated, and she had cheated.  But mostly she had cheated herself.  She had built all her hopes and her dreams on a foundation of shifting sand with a man that loved another woman far more than he could ever love her.

 

The tears trickled down her cheeks as she encountered a rare moment of lucidity and suddenly everything was clear and unequivocal.  She had been ‘good’ once.  She had so much to offer, had so much love to give, but she had squandered it all on a man, who in truth, had never really loved her.  Who had only, although he didn’t realize it at the time, turned to her as a substitute for the woman he couldn’t have.

 

And all that time, while she was pursuing John and plotting to keep him from Marlena, she had lost herself.  She had become a vicious shrew and she had done morally reprehensible things.  G*d, she had even taken another *life*. 

 

She looked at her hands, blood still caked under the short, stubby nails and she began to shake.  When it came down to it, she deserved this, to be here alone and hated by everyone.  Because right now she hated herself more than anybody else probably could.  The tears rolled down her face as she let the grief flood her body and Daniel Buchanan looked up at the sound of her sobbing.

 

“It’s okay Kristen,” he said gently.  “It’ll be over soon.”

 

His words were no consolation to Kristen.  Because once this was over, her life may as well be over.  There was nothing left for her, no hope, no consolation, no light.  She was alone and she may as well be dead for all that anybody cared about her.

 

As the next contraction tore through her, her whole body shuddered, and she felt as though she was choking on her own tears.  And through her own anguished cry, she heard the monitor beside her let out a warning wail.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 136 – The Wages Of Sin

 

 

“Dammit!”  Dr. Buchanan looked up at the monitor.

 

“What?”  Kristen glanced at the green and orange lights that were dancing arrythmically and then looked back at the doctor.  “What is it?”

 

“The baby.  It’s in distress.  We need to get it out which means we’re going to have to work extra hard okay?”  He used the back of his wrist to sweep across his forehead.  He’d checked with the surgery team before they had gone into the delivery room and at the moment, the theatres were full, with urgent cases waiting.  Which meant in the event they needed to do a caesar, they were in trouble.  He only prayed it didn’t come to that.  “I’m going to need you to push even between contractions.”

 

“I don’t….” she shook her head with fearful eyes.  She was so exhausted she didn’t think she could do this.

 

“Kristen, listen to me.”  The doctor’s face was stern but held a modicum of encouragement.  “It seems that the placenta is detaching and that means the baby isn’t getting enough oxygen.  We need to get this baby born as quickly as possible or it will suffer oxygen deprivation.  That could mean possible brain damage, or in a worst case scenario, even death.”  He paused to let the consequences sink in and then smiled gently to reassure her.  “Now that’s not going to happen because we have a great team working with us here.  But it’s really important that you do everything you can to help me all right?”

 

Kristen looked at him with huge eyes as, without warning, she sank back into her delirium.  John’s baby.  Marlena’s baby.  And it was in trouble.  How ironic.  After all this time, it came down to this one small moment.  A few short minutes that could mean the difference between a healthy baby, and a tiny coffin on its way to the cemetery.  A perfect life and a perfect family snatched away by the want of a few minutes.

 

Her mind wondered at the thought.  A couple of hours ago, at Marlena’s apartment, this would have seemed like the ideal solution.  Take from Marlena as she had taken from Kristen.  And all she would have to do would be to endure this pain a little longer, to just not push as hard as maybe she could…

 

“Okay Kristen,” Buchanan looked up and nodded, his eyes intense.  “You need to push as *hard* as you can.”  The nurse beside her helped her into a semi-sitting position and she began to push.

 

“Ggggggg….aaaaaaaaahhhhh.”  The urge to push was unbelievable and she found herself almost unwilling in her participation in the labor.  And then the need passed, and she sagged against the pillows.

 

“C’mon Kristen, push!”  She shook her head wearily at the desperate exhortation from the doctor.

 

“I can’t,” she croaked.

 

“You have to Kristen,” he fixed her with stern eyes.  “For your child’s sake.”

 

She stared at him, her eyes cold and bitter.  Not *my* child Doctor.  No, not mine.  You want me to tear myself apart for the bastard child of a woman I loathe.  The woman that stole the man that I love. 

 

Why should she be the one to give them the one thing that would make their lives together perfect?  Why, when with one final, vengeful act, she could at least take this from them?  The child that they had cheated her of, she would in turn take from them.  It was perfect.

 

“Kristen!”  He seemed surprised at her lack of concern for the child’s well-being, and she wanted to laugh.  Why *should* she care anyway?  When had they *ever* cared about her?  When had they ever spared one thought for what she needed, what she deserved?  No, Marlena had been too busy thinking selfishly about her own *perfect* family and her own perfect life.

 

And anyway, what was there to stop her?  It wasn’t as if she was squeamish. She had already taken one life today, the power over life and death was not a new experience any longer.  She had that power, and she could use it.  John’s threats were just meaningless anyway.  He hated her and that wouldn’t change.  So, he would hate her a little more if his precious brat died, but at least they would be almost as miserable as Kristen was and that would be some small measure of comfort.

 

As the next contraction rolled into action, she found herself unable to fight the compulsion to push and she bore down on the small package inside her abdomen, trying to numb her mind to the searing pain.  Behind her, the nurse supported her as she hunched over her bloated belly, and she pushed again.

 

“That’s it, good, that’s great Kristen.”  The doctor nodded and looked up at her, encouraging her with a smile but behind the façade there was serious concern.  “C’mon.  Push again.  You’re going great!”

 

Setting her jaw resolutely, she tried to drag back on the contraction, fighting it as hard as she could.  She was damned if they would beat her.  She would have the last say in this triangle or her name was not DiMera.

 

“Come on Kristen!”  Buchanan was starting to get extremely edgy, and he looked up at his patient with deep concern in his eyes. “This is serious.  Your child could be in danger if you don’t work as hard as you can.”

 

Good.  Let the little brat suffocate.  Divine retribution after everything that b*tch did to me.

 

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”  Another contraction tore at her insides, squeezing and pulling.  Even as she gave in and pushed, the muscles in her throat stood out in reddened cords and her face flooded crimson with the exertion as she felt muscles contracting that she wasn’t even aware existed.

 

The tearing burning agony was getting worse, but she didn’t care any longer.  She just wanted her revenge so badly that she would do *anything* to make sure she got it.  If she couldn’t take Marlena from John, then she would take their child from them.  She could almost see Marlena’s face as she realized what Kristen had done.  In fact, it was almost sweeter than her original intention.

 

She would tell Marlena that if only she had died then her child would have lived.  That alone would break St. Marlena’s heart.  An inaudible giggle escaped her as she flopped back against the pillows and closed her eyes and heart against the pleas from the doctor.

 

She would have her revenge and none of them could do anything to prevent it.

 

 

******

 

 

“John,” he looked up to find Michelle standing in the doorway.

 

“What is it?” he asked a little too quickly.  Marlena looked from John to the nurse and suddenly her apprehension was back, swirling like a maelstrom in the pit of her stomach.

 

“The baby is in distress.  Dr. Buchanan is trying to deliver it as quickly as possible.”  She looked at the couple with sympathetic eyes.  She didn’t want to frighten them by telling them how badly it was going, but John deserved to be there.  Especially if the worst happened.  “I thought you might want to be there.”

 

John was instantly torn as he looked at the nurse and then down at Marlena.

 

“Go,” she whispered with a small nod.  “I’m not going anywhere in a hurry.”  He opened his mouth to argue with her, but she shook her head.  “Please, I want you to go.”  Her hazel eyes were filled with worry, and he felt her fingers tighten their hold on his arm.  “It’s my baby too,” she said quietly.  “Please John.”

 

“Okay,” he nodded, with no more doubts clouding his eyes.  She was right; one of them should be there at the birth of their child.  One of them should be the first to hold the tiny new life that had been created by their love.  “I’ll be right back, okay sweetheart?”  She said nothing but gave him a tight smile and nodded.

 

He looked down as she dropped her hands on the bed and he felt the familiar silent ache in his chest.  They were curled into tight balls and when he lifted his gaze to meet hers, a silent endearment passed between them.

 

“He’ll be just fine Doc.”  He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.  “Gene said so, and Gene’s always right.  Right?”

 

“Right.”  She nodded but failed miserably when she tried to smile.  “Go, *please*.”  Her voice was choked, and he couldn’t even look at her again.  Because he knew that if he did, that he would be lost.  And he wouldn’t be able to leave her, alone and frightened.

 

*

 

They neared the delivery suite at a brisk pace, John still fretting about Marlena even as he saw Q.  The answer immediately struck him, and he pulled up short.  Eugene seemed surprised to see him as he approached.

 

“Gene, you have to help me.”  It wasn’t the ideal solution to his problem, but right now it was the only option he had.  “Kristen’s about to have the baby, I have to be there.”  John looked almost as worn out as Q felt.  “Please, can you go and sit with Marlena until I get back?”

 

“You want me to….?”  Q blinked, unsure that he was hearing John right.

 

“She needs a friend.  She’s having a hard time with this labor and she needs someone to encourage her and be with her.  Just until I get back.”  John nodded.  “Please?”

 

“Of course I will,” Gene nodded, pleasantly surprised.  After his faux pas of telling Kristen the truth about her baby, he thought that John and Marlena would be furious with him.  But it seemed not, or even if they were, it had been superseded by more pressing concerns.  Maybe this would give him an opportunity to make up for what he had done.

 

“John, we have to hurry,” Michelle entreated anxiously.

 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” John called back to Q as he followed the nurse through the swinging doors.

 

 

******

 

 

“Sh*t.”  Peter Black snapped his cell phone shut.  “Oh *sh*t*!”

 

“What is it Peter?”  The deep Italian baritone snapped him out of his daze, and he looked at Stefano.

 

His adoptive father sat across from him in the back of the limousine.  The man beside him stared out of the tinted window, his face turned so that the hideous scarring was barely noticeable.  He seemed oblivious to the business that Stefano and Peter had been talking until the phone shrilled and he still seemed uninterested.

 

“What has happened?” Stefano was insistent and Peter experienced an unprecedented sinking in his stomach.  Why the hell did he have to get that phone-call right now, while he was with Stefano?  “Peter?”  The older man’s voice held a warning and Peter tucked the phone back into his jacket pocket.

 

“Apparently Krissy got out of the loft,” he sighed.  “And it seems that she went to Marlena’s.”  He rubbed his face with icy fingers.  This was a nightmare.  His man watching the loft had not even realized Kristen had left and the one at the Penthouse had evidently been snoozing on the job because he had totally missed the whole debacle.  He’d only realized something was going on when the police started to arrive with sirens ablaze.  “Now there are police everywhere, at both places.”

 

“My G*d!  Do you know what happened?” Stefano demanded.

 

“No,” Peter shook his head.  He had a good enough idea, but he wasn’t going to offer up speculation to Stefano.  Not with the kinds of possibilities that were going through his mind right now.  “My guys couldn’t get close enough to find out what was going on.  But they did say that there were paramedics at the loft.  And it looks like maybe a pathologist.”

 

“Not Kristen…?” Stefano suddenly looked remarkably pale underneath his Caribbean tan. 

 

“No, from the small amount of information that James has gleaned, Kristen went to the penthouse.  I have no idea what happened there.”  Peter shook his head, which was suddenly pounding.  “I need to go back to town and find out what the h*ll is going on.”

 

He shifted towards the door and caught the handle with shaking fingers.

 

“Peter.”  Stefano’s voice was soft but held an undertone of menace and it sent a silent shiver up Peter’s spine.  “Make sure you let us know what has happened.”

 

“You know I will.”  Peter nodded before he turned away from his adoptive father and climbed out of the vehicle.  “As soon as I know.”

 

The question was, how bad was it going to be and how would Stefano react when he found out about it?

 

 

******

 

 

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”

 

John could hear Kristen’s screams of agony before he even made it into the delivery suite.  Scrubbed and disinfected, he entered behind Michelle and looked around uneasily, not quite sure what to do.

 

“Mr. Black.”  Daniel Buchanan looked up, his expression hard and unforgiving.  This was a difficult situation, and he didn’t want it made any worse.  “I trust you are going to be more helpful this time?”

 

“John?” Kristen looked over at him and John became aware of the agony she was suffering.  He was unmoved and his expression remained stony as he turned back to the doctor. 

 

“How is the baby?”

 

“Honestly Mr. Black?” he glanced at Kristen, the furrows that marred his brow becoming more pronounced.  “I’m running out of options here.  Kristen, you *must* concentrate.  I need you to push as *hard* as you can with the next contraction.”  He looked back at John, bushy ginger eyebrows bunched over grey-green eyes.  “Perhaps you can give her some encouragement?”

 

“Sure,” John’s voice was gravelly as he moved to Kristen’s side.  She took a breath, suddenly torn between hating him and wanting to please him.  When she looked up at him, she was surprised to find that she hoped to find some spark of caring, or of sympathy.  Instead, she found nothing in his eyes except loathing.

 

And it simply served to harden her resolve.  She would never allow him to hold his child.  Not while the child still lived anyway.  She dropped her head to her chest, feeling the contraction growing inside her.  She *hated* him, she hated them all.  But she loved him too and that was what she hated more than anything.

 

That she had debased herself so much that she would do *anything* to hold onto him.  But that was no longer possible.  And because of John and Marlena, she would never be loved.  She was unlovable.  Despicable.  Hateful.

 

The vicious tearing pain inside her strengthened and she groaned weakly.  It was becoming hard to think, to fight, to know what she wanted any more.  She wanted… John?  No, that wasn’t right.  She wanted his pain.  Wanted to see his tears.  Wanted to see….  Blood.  She could see blood, in front of her eyes.  Maya’s blood.  Marlena’s blood.  So much blood….

 

The contraction ripped through her, and she pushed again, the effort accompanied by a guttural scream that seemed to tear from the very center of her pain and misery.  Dimly she heard a woman’s voice telling the doctor something about her blood pressure.  Everything was hazy and she was shivering as though the room was freezing.  She didn’t understand what was going on, she only knew she wasn’t going to let John have the satisfaction of seeing her suffer.

 

“C’mon Kristen,” the doctor’s voice sounded distant and fog-bound as she found herself pushing, even as she felt as though her body was being torn apart.  “You’re not leaving me any options here Kristen.  You *have* to work with me now, okay?”

 

She tried to shake her head, tried to shake the numbing exhaustion, but her body was betraying her.  Her muscles bunched and moved even against her will, rippling downward to expel the tiny life from her body

 

 C’mon Kristen.”   It was John’s voice, breaching the haze of her pain.  “Push, will you?  For G*d’s sake, don’t you think you’ve done enough damage already today?  *Please*.”

 

Opening her eyes, she looked up at him, and he found his own hatred for her reflected back at him.

 

“You want me to do you a favor now?” she hissed bitterly.  “No chance.”

 

“I refuse to believe you’re that despicable,” John said desperately.  “There has to be something of the woman I fell in love with still in there.  How can you let a tiny innocent baby die just because you are angry with me?”

 

“That woman is gone John,” she said tiredly, her grey eyes cold and lifeless.  “You killed her with your lies.  I’m simply what you made me.  And I can do whatever I damn well want.  I already *have*, remember?”

 

John felt the bile burn his throat as he looked from her to the doctor who was silent in outrage as he realized what was transpiring.

 

“You’re truly evil.”  John shuddered as he backed away from her.

 

“Maybe I am,” her mouth twisted into an agonized grin as the pain escalated inside her once again.  “Too bad you and your precious Marlena will have to live with the consequences of what you did to me for the rest of your lives isn’t it?”

 

“We’ll suffer,” his voice was filled with unbearable anguish, “but you’ll suffer more Kristen, when you are brought to account for your sins.  Please.  I’m begging you, for your sake, as much as mine, please don’t do this.”  He shook his head pityingly and in his eyes, she saw herself as he saw her.  Hopeless.  Desperate.  Pathetic.

 

She couldn’t believe it, even after everything she had done to him, all the horrible unbearable things, he still felt sorry for her.  It was too much. 

 

The monitor above her became more agitated and Buchanan wiped his brow anxiously.  Looking to one of his nurses, he pointed towards the phone.  It wasn’t desperate yet, but it was going to get that way soon if he didn’t do something.

 

“Theatre.  See if there’s one free yet.  We *have* to get her up there.”

 

“Yet?” John looked confused.

 

“We’ve been waiting for a free theatre in order to do a caesarean section.  Unfortunately, there was a pile up on the interstate and all the doctors and the theatres are being worked overtime.”  Buchanan looked weary and as the nurse turned to him with a shake of her head, he cursed softly.

 

“*Kristen*!”  He tried to gain the mother-to-be’s attention, but she either purposefully wasn’t listening or she wasn’t capable of hearing him.  Judging by what he’d just heard, either option was likely.  “Kristen.  Please, I need your co-operation.”  His only answer was a small moan from the bed, and he took a deep birth.  Looking at his nurses, he took a deep breath.  

 

“Get me Holbrook.  He’s still on standby for this right?”

 

“Uh-huh,” the blonde nurse bobbed her head.  “But there’s no theatre….”

 

“We’re not going to do it in the theatre,” Buchanan snapped.  “We’re doing it here.  This baby is going to die, maybe Kristen too if we don’t do something.”

 

“Dammit Kristen,” John crouched down by the bed.  “Don’t you get it?  They’re going to cut you open.  You might not care about the baby, but for G*d’s sake, you could die if you don’t help us out here.  *Please*.”

 

“What do you care about me?”  She opened her eyes and glared at him

 

“I *used* to care about you,” John said truthfully.  “I used to *love* you.”  He shook his head with sad eyes.  “What happened to you Kristen?  What happened to the woman who loved children so much that she coached a kid’s baseball team for the love of it?  How could that woman now wish for an innocent baby to die because she can’t get what she wants?  I don’t get it.”

 

“No.”  Her voice was pained as another contraction began to claw at her insides.  “You never *did* get it.”  She groaned as the contraction tightened and she began to push again.  She didn’t care about the child, but she didn’t want to die.  How could she get her revenge from six-feet under?  “I couldn’t compete.  I could never compete.  She had everything…. she was p-… perfect…. she had everything I wanted.  Especially… you.”  She closed her eyes and groaned in agony.  Dr. Buchanan nodded at John as the nurse informed him that the anesthetist was on the way.  “So, I decided… if I couldn’t… ah… compete… then I’d find… some other way.”

”Some other way to what?” John looked disgusted.

 

“Beat… her.  Uuuughhhh…” Kristen pushed as hard as she could.

 

“You couldn’t.” John replied, his voice laced with repugnance.  “If that’s what you’ve been trying to do for the last few years, it was a completely wasted effort.  Doc’s one of a kind and you could never even come close to matching her.”

 

There was no reply from Kristen but an almighty scream rent the air as she drove down on the baby inside her.

 

“I can see the baby’s head,” Buchanan’s words coincided with the entrance of the anesthetist.  Hopefully Simon Holbrook wouldn’t be needed after all.  With the baby this far down the birth canal, forceps should be all that was needed.  “C’mon Kristen.  Another good push and we won’t need to do a C-section after all.  Do you think you can do it?”

 

Kristen nodded weakly and a nurse took a place behind her, helping her up.  The pain was almost unbearable as she tried to push again.  Darkness alternated with the searing light that flashed behind her closed eyelids as she focused all of her energy on expelling the hated child from her body.

 

She dimly heard the doctor’s harsh voice as he instructed her to push.  And then she felt the cold intrusion of the forceps as they closed around the baby’s head and the doctor guided the tiny life out of her body and into the world that wanted it so very badly.  But she didn’t see John’s eyes shine with joy and gratitude as the doctor held up his tiny squalling son for them both to see. 

 

Instead, she fell back against the nurse with a cry of utter torture as the pain inside her, instead of abating, simply gathered in intensity, the tearing, burning feeling flooding her senses until she was practically numb. 

 

She barely felt the gush of blood that followed the baby from her uterus, and she didn’t even hear the chaos that ensued as the doctor thrust the baby into waiting arms and cursed loudly as the blood continued to flow.

 

All she could feel was the searing inferno that scoured her insides and a final, bloody scream tore from her lips as she fell back against the pillows.  Limp and drained, she succumbed to the waiting vacuum.

 

 

******

 

 

“Okay Marlena,” David Robbins rearranged the sheets over his patient as she sat back the anxious expression never leaving her face.  “It looks like we’re on our way again.  You’ve dilated another two centimeters and it looks as though your contractions are increasing in frequency.  Hopefully we’ll be able to get you down to the delivery suite before the day is out.”  He grinned as he snapped the latex gloves off his hands and rolled them into a ball.  “You know, you don’t have to look so grim.  There’s nothing to worry about.  Your baby is doing just fine.  It’s just taking its time, that’s all.”

 

“I know,” Marlena nodded, unable to quite raise a smile in reply.  “Thanks David.”

 

“Anytime,” he winked at her.  “Although I think I’d feel better if you didn’t look so glum.”

 

“I’m sorry,” the corner of her mouth quirked upwards, “it’s just been a very long day.”

 

‘I’m sure it has,” he squeezed her hand, his own smile fading with the sparkle in his lively brown eyes.  “I was so sorry to hear about what happened.  It must have been terrifying.”

 

“You could say that….ow,” she winced as the next contraction took her by surprise.  “Oh man!”  She blinked and David Robbins nodded as she started breathing with the contraction.

 

“That’s it.  You’re doing fine Marlena.  Just great.”

 

“Gene,” Marlena gasped.  “Where’s Gene?”

 

“He’s still outside I guess.”  David glanced at the doorway.  “Why don’t I send him back in?  I’ll come back and check on you in half an hour or so.”

 

“Mmmmm,” she nodded as she pressed her lips together, breathing rapidly through her nose.  She watched him go and then she closed her eyes, hunching over her stomach, waiting for the contraction to release her.

 

“Hey there.”  She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice.  “I hear things are going better.”

 

“They’d be going a damn sight better if John was here,” she groaned.

 

“He’ll be back soon,” Q assured her.

 

“What if something’s happened to the baby?” she asked in a plaintive voice.  “She said that there was a problem Gene.  What if after everything…”

 

“*Hey*,” he interrupted her firmly.  “Come on Marlena.  Where’s the strong, self-assured woman I know?  The baby is going to be fine.  They will *both* be fine.”  He arched his brows, as though daring her to argue with him.  “And you’ll take them home in a few days and you’ll feed them and tuck them into their cribs.  You *and* John.  And those will be the luckiest babies in the world because they’ll have you for a mother.”

 

“I sure hope you’re right.”  She rubbed her stomach unconsciously as she turned her worried eyes to the empty doorway.

 

 

******

 

 

“Kristen?  Dammit Kristen, don’t do this!”  John had been watching the nurse with his son but at the curse, turned to see the doctor glance up at the monitor, his face ashen.  He looked at Kristen and he swallowed deeply.  Her eyes were glassy and the sheet beneath her was completely soaked with her blood.

 

“What’s gone wrong?” he demanded quickly.  “What the hell’s wrong with her?”

 

“It looks as though the placenta tore away from the uterine wall during delivery,” Michelle said softly, leading John away a little distance from where Buchanan was working frantically.  “She’s in shock because she’s haemmoraging badly and they need to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible.” 

 

“What could cause something like this?” John was stunned.  The pregnancy hadn’t been easy but there had been no indications in the last few months that something like this might happen.

 

“It’s really hard to say,” Michelle answered as she led John back out of the way.  Several more staff had come in and the anaesthetist was inserting an IV and injecting something into the plastic tube.  He heard a doctor order a nurse to follow up the correct blood type for a transfusion, while another hooked up an IV of clear fluid.

 

“There’s any number of reasons why this might happen.  Like hypertension, although usually that would be picked up early in the pregnancy.   Sometimes a trauma to the uterus like a heavy fall might cause something like this or if the baby has an abnormally short umbilical cord…”

 

“A fall?”  John repeated softly as he thought back to the scene he had witnessed this afternoon.  The overturned chair and the smashed picture frame registered in his mind.  It was eminently possible that in the struggle Kristen could have fallen.  And given that, and what had just transpired in this room in the last few minutes, he couldn’t find even a shred of sympathy for her.

 

In a way, he felt bad for not feeling bad.  But he couldn’t muster any concern for a woman that had done such despicable things.  As far as he was concerned, the world was a better place without Kristen.  In fact, not only did he not feel bad, he realized suddenly, he was actually halfway *hoping* she would die.  It was a sobering insight, but he couldn’t help it.

 

“Dammit Holbrook, we’re losing her.  Talk to me.” Buchanan demanded.

 

“Doctor, BP is dropping.  Seventy over forty.”

 

“Okay Daniel.  Go for it.”  Simon Holbrook watched the monitors closely as a doctor liberally smeared Kristen’s belly with a yellow fluid and then draped it.  They had worked fast organizing themselves and their equipment.  It wasn’t a theatre, but it was all they had at the moment, so it was going to have to make do.

 

Buchanan selected a scalpel and tugged the instrument across Kristen’s skin.  A thin line of red welled up from the fine cut and John had to turn away.  After what she had done to Marlena… and poor Maya, he found himself with thoughts he didn’t want to entertain.  It was just better not to watch.

 

The minutes seemed interminable as they fought to stop the bleeding.  To one side a pediatrician checked over the baby, who seemed miraculously unaffected by the trauma suffered by his birth mother.   John’s gaze switched between the examination of his tiny child and, despite himself, the fight to save the life of the woman he had once loved; a woman who now seemed to be devoid of a conscience, or even a soul.

 

The blood was still flowing as they operated.  They had no option but to try and remove Kristen’s uterus, but her blood pressure was dropping so rapidly that it was a race against time.  John could hear the nurse reading out the lowering rates and he noticed that the monitor beside her was going wild, registering Kristen’s racing heart-rate. 

 

The blonde nurse put the phone down again and told the doctors that there was still no available cross-matched blood for the transfusion they so desperately needed.  All the available blood had gone to the victims of the car wreck, and they were trying to source some from Salem General.  But it wasn’t going to be at University Hospital for another fifteen minutes. 

 

John’s eyes were drawn to Kristen’s face as he heard Daniel Buchanan swear in a desperate tone.  Her pallor was stark, even against the off-white sheets of the birthing table and as he watched, she seemed to fade.  He had seen death before and he recognized it for what it was.  Whatever those doctors did now, it wasn’t going to be enough.

 

Suddenly the room was oddly silent, and they all heard the small gurgle that sounded in Kristen’s throat.

 

And even though he had expected it, even maybe silently hoped for it, John was shocked when the flat wail of the monitor sounded, announcing the cessation of life.  He stumbled backwards, slamming into the wall as the bustle of activity around Kristen became frantic.

 

Michelle gently placed a hand on John’s arm as she watched the tragedy unfold before them.  However, she felt John pull away and saw him fix his eyes on his son as behind his back the doctors fought with everything they had.

 

The baby seemed so tiny to him, so innocent and helpless.  A new life, one that now, in this moment, completely depended on him.  A little smile quirked John’s lips as he reached for his son, lifting the tiny boy into his arms.  It seemed like quite a profound moment, the ending of one chapter in his life and the beginning of another.  A chance to right the wrongs of the past.

 

With gentle fingers, he stroked the child’s cheek soothingly as he turned back to where the doctors were working.  But not anymore.

 

Still and finally, there was just the aching drone of a monitor. And then, there was muted resignation as they slowly switched off the monotonous hum of the medical screens and pulled a creased, bloodied sheet over the body.

 

Silence pervaded the room for a long, deafening moment, and then a newborn cry cut through the room, replacing the irrevocability of death with the hope of a new dawn….

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 137 – Death Becomes Her

 

 

“Are you okay?”  Michelle’s voice bit through the silent fog that surrounded John as he stared at the still body under the sheet.

 

“Mmmm?” he turned to her with bewildered eyes.

 

“John, you don’t have to feel guilty,” Michelle laid her hand on his arm.  “This isn’t your fault.  It sounds like she brought this on herself.”

 

John stared at the unmoving shape, his eyes narrowing as he tried to process the information.  Kristen was dead.  He had seen it with his own eyes, seen the blood and heard the declaration of death.  He had seen the doctors sign the certificate and then leave the room, sad and beaten, as though it was a tragedy that she was dead.

 

John knew better.  She was gone and she would *never* hurt any of them again.  Marlena and his precious children were safe from her malignant touch.  How could he feel sad about that?

 

He felt the hand on his arm again and he turned back to Michelle.  She was looking at the little boy that nestled comfortably in his father’s arms.  His cries had calmed again, and he looked peaceful and content to lie quietly.  For the moment.

 

John couldn’t say anything for a moment, utterly overwhelmed by the sight of the tiny child nestled in his huge arms.  The miniature mouth was pursed as it opened to reveal a miniature pink tongue.  His eyes were tightly shut, and the shock of dark hair was plastered to his head by the coating of vernix.  Tears stung John’s eyes as a little fist escaped the cotton covering and waved in the air.

 

“Hi little fellow,” he whispered.  “How are you doing?”  As though in reply, the baby opened his mouth and emitted a loud wail.  “Hey,” he let out a relieved chuckle.  “You’re okay.  You’re really okay.”

 

“He was very lucky,” Dyan, a blonde pediactric nurse looked at the baby in his arms.  “Usually, the baby is in more danger than the mother in cases like these.  You should count your blessings Mr. Black.”

“Oh, I am,” he whispered as he nuzzled the baby’s cheek gently.  “Believe me, I am.”

 

“He’s beautiful,” Michelle offered with a smile.

 

“He is, isn’t he?” John replied in wonder.  The baby had dark hair like his own and his eyes were the sweet, innocent blue of the newborn.  But something in his face reminded John of Marlena and he instantly fell in love with the child.

 

“I want to take him to Doc,” John turned vivid cerulean eyes on Michelle.

 

“Well…. It’s not usual procedure,” she looked uncomfortable.

 

“Please,” he looked down at the squirming infant in his arms again.  “I realize it’s not usual, but you have to believe me, nothing about this situation is normal.”

 

“It’s okay John,” a familiar voice sounded in the doorway to the delivery suite and John looked up to find Mike walking toward him. “You’re not going to have a struggle with this one.”  He came to a stop in front of John and smiled at the site of the newborn in John’s arms.  “When I came in this afternoon, I found out what was going on.  You know the hospital gossip circuit,” he rolled his eyes, even though in this instance, it had proved particularly helpful. “So, when the news came through…” he nodded in the direction of the draped gurney, “I set some wheels in motion.  Michelle is right, this isn’t usual procedure, but the pediatrician has been persuaded that it’s in the best interests of everyone concerned.  Marlena is the only mother this baby will know,” he looked at John significantly, “and we all agree it’s best that they bond as early as possible.”

 

 

“Thanks Mike,” John’s relief was evident as he realized he wasn’t going to have to fight anyone on this thing.  This little baby had been separated from his true mother for far too long and John couldn’t wait to place him in Marlena’s arms and see her smile and the love in her eyes.

 

 

******

 

 

Marlena looked at Eugene, hazel eyes wide with fear as her mind replayed the conversation she’d just heard.  Two nurses passing the doorway had been speaking in low, urgent terms of the tragic incident in the delivery suite earlier and how sad it had been for the doctor.

 

“It’s okay Marlena,” Eugene caught her hand in his, “c’mon, you can’t worry about that.  You’ve got other things to concentrate on.”

 

“It’s my *baby* Gene,” she said, her anger borne out of desperation and anxiety.  “How can you tell me not to worry?  The life of my *child* is at stake.”

 

“Your baby is just fine,” he told her convincingly.  But she didn’t seem to want to listen as she plucked at the blanket with agitated fingers.  “What is your worrying going to do for that baby anyway?” Q demanded.  “All it’s going to do is wear you out and it’s going to be totally counter-productive.  You need to focus on *this* baby and let John and the doctors worry about the other twin, okay?”

 

“No, it’s *not* okay,” she glared at him with furious tears in her eyes as she tore her hand from his grasp.  “You don’t understand Eugene, I can’t just turn my emotions on and off.  That’s like asking me not to breathe.  I may not know my baby yet, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love it and I don’t worry about it.  I’ve spent the last few months doing nothing *but* worrying about it.  How am I supposed to change that just because you tell me it’s not productive?”

 

“Okay, okay,” he held up his hands, “I surrender.  I’m just trying to help, that’s all.”

 

“Well, you’re *not*.”  She gasped as the pain of another contraction seized her suddenly and she closed her eyes tightly as she groaned.

 

Eugene watched her helplessly, unable to help her, or even to comfort her.  He could tell her the baby was all right, but she didn’t want to listen to him, or even hear him.  He could only wait until John came to reassure her.  Getting up, he went to the doorway and looked out along the empty corridor.

 

“Dammit, where *is* he?”  Tears filled her eyes again and spilled onto pale cheeks as she warred with the pain and the fear.  She didn’t want to do this alone, she *couldn’t* do it alone.  He couldn’t ask that of her.  She needed him so much, needed his strength and his calm like she had never needed it before.  Opening her eyes, she cast her glance around to discover that Eugene was no longer with her either.  She was alone again, and she felt it.  Absolutely and utterly alone.

 

A sob broke from her as she pulled her knees up either side of her swollen stomach and bowed her head between them.  The baby inside her squirmed, nestling its way further down inside her body, head resting somewhere between her pelvic bones.  She exhaled as the waning of the pain released her into the numbing exhaustion that existed between contractions.

 

And then she tasted the warm saline of her tears on her lips as she moved them to murmur softly.  “Where are you?”

 

“I’m here Doc.” 

 

Her eyes sprang open at the sound of his gentle whisper, and she looked up at him, her face wet with tears.  She wanted to be angry with him, wanted to tell him how terrified she had been and berate him for leaving her here on her own to be scared out of her wits.  But there were no words as she looked at the tiny baby he held in his arms.  He smiled as her eyes widened, bloodshot but beautiful as she took in the sight of her newborn son.

 

“Is he-“ she looked up at John, choking on her question.

 

“He’s fine sweetheart. He’s just perfect,” he nodded with a lopsided grin.

 

“Oh.”  Tears loomed again as the baby opened round blue eyes.  And she looked up at John  “He?”

 

“He.”  He nodded with a proud paternal smile.  “This is your son, Doc.”

 

“Oh.”  She said again before she exhaled, quite lost for words as she drank in the sight of the helpless bundle in John’s arms.  The baby waved an arm in her direction, and she curled a shaking finger around his wrist, a nervous smile giving way to grateful laughter as he gurgled contentedly.  “Oh John, he’s beautiful.  He’s just so beautiful.”  She looked up at John again and smiled at the sight of the tears that had settled on his cheeks.

 

“He’s beautiful all right,” John whispered.  “Just like his mother.”

 

Settling himself on the edge of the bed, he held the baby out in his arms.  “You want to hold him?”

 

“Can I?” she asked, unable to tear her eyes away from the child.

 

“Of course you can,” John’s laugh was gentle.  “He’s your son after all.  It’s only right, isn’t it?”

 

He tenderly placed the baby in Marlena’s arms, trailing his large, clumsy fingers over his son’s cheek and then lifting them to wipe the tears from Marlena’s face.  He watched with a father’s gaze as Marlena touched her own finger to the little boy’s cheek.  With a feather-light touch, she traced the curve of the tiny cheek and the solid little jaw-line.  His hair was still slightly damp as she smoothed it with the palm of her hand but his skin was warm and unutterably soft as she drew her finger over his tiny earlobe.   It was as though by touching him she was memorizing him, learning every curve, every detail of her newborn son.  And when the baby opened his eyes and yawned contentedly, she laughed lightly, and John thought he might have found the answer to pure happiness.

 

He loved her so much and to see her holding her child in her arms was just the most amazing feeling.  Not just her child, but their child.  The proof of their love, a bond made incarnate.  He could never be prouder of her than he was this day.  She was made to be a mother and he was made to be hers.  Her lover, her provider, her soulmate.

 

“Ohhh,” Marlena closed her eyes and breathed deeply, “John, I think you’d better take him.  Quickly.”  John carefully lifted the baby out of her arms, concern lighting his eyes.

 

“How is it Doc?” he asked quietly.

 

“David says it’s looking better,” her voice was strained between the short, panting breaths.

 

“Good,” his voice was almost inaudible as he watched her.  His earlier confidence about the safe delivery of this baby had almost entirely dissipated as he had watched Kristen bleed to death in front of him.  Marlena had been struggling for her life when she had been fighting off Kristen’s attack and if Kristen had injured herself by falling over, who was to say something similar hadn’t happened to Marlena?

 

“How are you feeling sweetheart?” he asked suddenly.  “How’s the pain?”

 

“Not so bad now you’re here,” she murmured as she leaned back against the pillows, her eyes closed as she brushed at the damp bangs on her forehead with the back of her hand.

 

“Do you know where Dr. Robbins is?” John couldn’t help himself.  The last thing he wanted to do was scare her, but he had to make sure that they had covered every possibility.  He couldn’t lose Marlena now.

 

“He said,” she opened her eyes, trying to think of where David Robbins had said he was going, and she saw the fear in John’s eyes.  “Honey?”  Her brow folded into creases.  “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” he lied with a shake of his head, looking down at the tiny baby in his arms.

 

“John?”  She suddenly remembered the conversation she had overheard, and it occurred to her that he had said nothing about Kristen.  “John, what happened in there?  Why did it take so long?”

 

He said nothing, just continued to watch the baby as his tiny tongue appeared and disappeared between his lips.

 

“John?”  Marlena put her hand on his arm.  “Please tell me what happened.”

 

After a long moment, he looked up at her, unable to hide the emotions that swam at the surface of his consciousness.

 

“She’s dead,” he said simply.

 

“She’s *what*?”  Marlena was stunned.  Even despite the earlier, overheard conversation, that was the last thing she had expected.

 

“Something happened with the placenta.  It tore away or something.  Too early.”  He shook his head and shrugged.  “She hemorrhaged and there was nothing that they could do.  Not quickly enough anyway.”

 

“Oh my G*d.”  Marlena looked down at the baby and then looked away.

 

For a moment, she couldn’t work out what she was feeling, couldn’t identify the cool, stillness that washed over her as she absorbed John’s news.  Kristen was dead.  She had taken a life and she had tried to take Marlena’s.  But now she was gone.

 

And then she realized what it was.  It was a sense of liberation.  Kristen’s hold over them had finally been broken, quite irrevocably, and they were free of her.  Free of her emotional manipulation and free of the threat she posed to them and their family.  She was gone and she wouldn’t fight them for custody of their child.  She couldn’t do anything more to hurt them.

 

“Hey Doc,” John’s voice was soft and consoling, “don’t feel guilty will you.”  She looked up at him, a sheen of surprise shading her eyes.

 

“I don’t.”  She shook her head with utmost surety.  “I’m not sorry she’s dead and I don’t feel responsible.  And you shouldn’t either.”

 

“I…”  It wasn’t what he had been expecting her to say and he searched for the words to put meaning to his feelings.  “I don’t feel guilty Doc.  I…” he shrugged, “I feel an overwhelming sense of relief if I’m totally honest.”

 

Marlena thought about it and then nodded slowly.

 

“I think I understand that,” she looked at him bleakly.  “I think I even share it.”

 

“I keep on thinking it’s wrong not to feel bad that she died though, Doc,” he said quietly as he leaned against the side of her bed.

 

“She wasn’t a nice person John,” Marlena replied simply.  “She was a DiMera by upbringing and by nature.  She was a destroyer, and she had no capacity for real love.  *That’s* why she lost you.  If she had any kind of integrity or self-respect, she would have let you walk away the moment she realized that you weren’t in love with her.  But she didn’t.  And the outcome is her own doing.”

 

Looking down at the innocent child in his arms, John sighed. 

 

“I know you’re right Doc, I do.  I have a deep sense of regret that things ever got to this point, but no I don’t feel guilty or responsible for her death.  Though I can’t help but wonder if I had been stronger, more honest with you and with her, if things wouldn’t have been so messed up.”

“It’s over,” she whispered with a shake of her head, her eyes bright and loving.  “’What if’s’ aren’t going to change things honey.  They’ll only eat you up inside.  It’s done and you have to learn and move on.”

“Oh, I’ve learnt Doc.”  He unfolded one arm from under his son and reached out to cup her cheek in his oversized palm.  “I’ve learnt to never ever take anything for granted, *especially* you.  And I’ve learnt never to stop telling you how much I adore you.”

 

“And I’ve learnt that no matter what we are faced with, as long as we face it together, we can get through it.”  She graced him with a beautiful, tentative smile and his heart flipped.  “I love you, John.  I always will.”

 

“Forever.”  He smiled and leaned over to kiss her, but the moment was shattered as she moaned at the onset of another contraction.

 

“Let me see if I can get the nurses to look after this little guy here and then we can face this together huh Doc?” he winked at her, and she blew out short breaths.  She nodded and he pushed himself from the side of the bed and went to the doorway. 

 

She couldn’t hear what he was saying, all her energy was being expended on controlling the pain as her muscles rippled through the contraction.  But she did have time to wonder at her own reaction to Kristen’s death as she closed her eyes and concentrated on the sure breaths in and out.

 

It quite surprised her how free of guilt she did feel.  Maybe it was the fact that she was still so incredibly angry about the pointless death of the woman John had hired to look after Kristen.  Or maybe it was her own near brush with Kristen’s complete psychosis that made her realize that there was no hope for the woman.  Marlena was sure she could have never been redeemed.  She was a menace, not only to Marlena and John and their family, but to society at large.  And her DiMera heritage guaranteed her ability to wreak havoc even when she should be locked up where the light of day could not reach her.

 

Marlena had no doubt that if Kristen had lived, she would have made their lives miserable for as long as she physically could.  So maybe her untimely death was really a blessing to those Marlena loved. 

 

And how could she feel guilty about the death of a woman that had tried to kill her and her unborn child mere hours ago anyway?  It was unfeasible and for once, Marlena didn’t even feel guilty for not feeling guilty.  She was relieved; it was as simple as that.

 

“All right honey,” John came to her bedside and brushed the bangs back from her forehead, depositing a kiss on her hot, damp skin.  “They are taking the baby to the nursery.  They’ll bring him back once we’re through here.”  He chuckled as he smoothed his hand over the roundness of her belly.  “Well, as soon as his brother or sister there is born.”

 

“Oh G*d, please let it be soon,” Marlena groaned as she caught John’s hand in hers.  “I’m getting awfully tired of this.”

 

 

******

 

 

Peter stood at the front desk of Maternity with his hands on his hips as he waited for the nurse to finish on the phone.  No-one wanted to seem to tell him where Kristen was, and it was starting to grate on his nerves. 

 

He’d gone first to the loft to find it a crime scene and then at Marlena’s penthouse he had managed to get the information he had needed.  Kristen was at the hospital and Commander Carver and Captain Brady had followed her here.  Where Marlena and John were in all this drama, no-one seemed to know, or care to tell.

 

And now these nurses were prevaricating to a ridiculous degree as they tried to find out Kristen’s whereabouts.  She had been brought into the hospital in labor they said, but more than that they couldn’t divulge.  So now he was waiting, after snarling a none-too pleasant threat at the nurse.  If she didn’t find out where Kristen was in the next few minutes, Peter would take this place apart looking for her.

 

“Peter.”  The familiar voice behind him made him jump and he turned on his well-shod heel, his overcoat swishing as he did so.

 

“Michael Horton.”  The tone and the expression were condescending, but Mike ignored the obvious insult.

 

“I’ve just been talking to Dr. Buchanan.  I told him I would come down here and see you.”  In fact, Mike had insisted.  The stricken doctor had wanted to come and face Kristen’s next of kin and offer his sincere condolences and apologies, but Mike had insisted he be the one to break the news to Peter.  It wasn’t exactly a task he was coveting, but he felt that he had enough experience with Peter Blake to know how to handle his bluster and his grandstanding if it should come to that.

 

“Where’s my sister?” Peter demanded without vacillation.  “I want to see her.”

 

“Um…” Mike looked around at the reception area.  This wasn’t exactly the best place to break bad news, even if he did despise the family in question.  “Perhaps you’d like to go somewhere a little quieter while we talk.”

 

“I don’t need to go anywhere with you, Horton.  I just need you to tell me where my sister is.” Peter scowled.  He was getting mightily sick of this.

 

“Uh…well…,” Mike looked highly uncomfortable.  “I really would like to talk to you about Kristen, in private.”

 

Alarm bells began to ring inside Peter’s head as he looked at Mike’s reddened face.

 

“What, is there something wrong with Kristen?” he asked sharply.  “Or is it her baby?”  Mike said nothing but Peter could tell that he had struck a nerve.  “For G*d’s sake, tell me what’s wrong with my sister.”

 

“Peter I *really* don’t want to talk about it here,” Mike said awkwardly.

 

“*Tell* me dammit!”  Peter demanded angrily.  “What the *hell* is going on here?  Tell me now or I’ll find someone who *will*, all right?”

 

“All right, all right,” Mike held up his hand.  “Um,” he sighed, unsure how to impart the news.  “You obviously know that Kristen was brought into the hospital in labor.”

 

“Yes?” Peter looked at him impatiently.

“Well, the labor was…. It was very quick but unfortunately,” he accented the word so that it seemed utterly insincere, “it seems that Kristen sustained some injury earlier today at Marlena’s.”  He looked at Peter significantly but at the lack of reaction, he wondered exactly how much Peter knew about what had occurred at the penthouse.

 

“What kind of injury?” Peter’s tone had dropped, and Mike wondered if the man had some inkling of what was coming.

 

“Well, when she delivered the baby, the trauma was enough that the placenta tore away from the uterus wall.  The medical term for it is placenta abruptio and Kristen maintained a very severe case.”

“How severe?” Peter felt a little lightheaded as he faced the doctor, suddenly wishing he had taken up Mike’s offer on some privacy.

 

“She haemmoraged in the delivery suite,” Mike said softly.  “The doctors did all they could, but she lost too much blood too quickly.  In the end they couldn’t get her to OR quickly enough.”  He sighed and shook his head.  “I’m sorry Peter, but Kristen died a little more than fifty minutes ago.”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 138 – Delivery Sweet

 

 

“All *right* Marlena!”  David looked up with a wide smile.  “Looks like we’re in business.  Time to move you down to a delivery suite.  I have one with your name on it.  We’ll have you in and out of there in no time.”

“Oh,” Marlena closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillows, her face wan with exhaustion.  “Not… soon… enough.”  The words were soft and uttered between soft sighs. 

 

“You’re doing really well Marlena,” David assured her.  “I know it hasn’t been easy, but you’re really doing wonderfully.  And I promise you it won’t be too much longer.”

 

“Hear that Doc?” John leaned towards the bed, smoothing his thumb over her damp cheek.  “Everything is going just *fine*.  And you’re going to be a mom again real soon.”

 

She didn’t move as he smoothed the damp hair away from her cheeks and brow and he felt a twinge of anxiety.  She really was totally drained.  She’d dealt first with the incident with Kristen and now with the first stage of labor, which had lasted almost ten hours.  He didn’t even want to consider what the next hour or so was going to take out of her.

 

He looked up at Dr. Robbins and the obstetrician nodded reassuringly.

 

“She’s really doing just fine.  The next stage should be a breeze.”  Marlena opened one eye at that comment and fixed the doctor with what passed for a glare in her weary state.

“Easy for you to say.”

 

“I may not have been through it Marlena, but I think I’ve attended enough births to know what I’m talking about,” he assured her with an easy smile.  “But I take your point.”

 

He turned to the nurse behind him and started to make arrangements for Marlena’s transfer to the delivery suite.  John took the opportunity to press a gentle kiss to Marlena’s forehead.

 

“I know you’re tired baby,” he whispered quietly, “and it’s so hard for me to see you in this much pain.  But I’m here with you and we *will* do this.”

 

“I know we will.”  She took a deep breath and opened her eyes and searched out John’s with her dark almond gaze.  “I meant what I said earlier.  I couldn’t do this without you.”

 

“Well then it’s good you don’t have to,” he grinned as he picked up the washcloth and dipped it in the cool water again.  Dabbing it tenderly across her heated skin, he smiled again.  “Do you realize that we actually got it right this time?  This time we’re doing it in the hospital with doctors present.”  He laughed and Marlena managed a smile in return.

 

“Brady wasn’t born in the hospital either,” she pointed out as she gritted her teeth at the feeling of the oncoming contraction.  “Oh G*d John, I want to push.”

 

“Just hold off onto the pushing until we get you down to delivery Marlena,” Dr. Robbins interrupted the conversation.  “You’re almost fully dilated but I don’t want you expending any extra energy when it’s only going to be wasted.”

 

“You think I… h… have energy… to *spare*?” Marlena managed between the panting breaths she took.  “What color is the… sky… in your… world?”

 

“Blue, Marlena,” David Robbins looked amused.  “Definitely blue.”

 

“Good…. It’ll go with… the black… you’ll be sp…. Ohhh…” she was interrupted by an intensifying of the contraction.  Closing her eyes tightly, she concentrated on her breathing for a moment.  When she felt like she was back in control, she opened her eyes and looked at the obstetrician.  “You’ll be sporting… if you don’t… get me down to that delivery suite… real soon.”

 

“Point taken, Doctor,” he grinned broadly before turning back to the nurse.

 

“Where were we?” Marlena was breathless as she dropped back against the damp pillow.  John shook his head in confusion.  “Oh, that’s right,” she nodded as though she hadn’t even and the intervening conversation.  “Brady.”

 

“You’re right, he wasn’t born in the hospital.”  John looked surprised as though he had almost forgotten the circumstances surrounding Brady’s birth.  In fact, he was just feeling more than a little overwhelmed by this whole occasion.  But he wasn’t about to tell his fiancée that.  She needed his attention to be undivided, not wandering all over the place.  Taking a deep breath, he focused on her beautifully compelling eyes.  “This is actually an entirely new experience.”

 

“For you,” Marlena ran her hand down his arm lovingly.  “But I’m glad.  I’m really glad we’re here this time.”  She looked up into his indigo eyes and shivered slightly at the powerful love that she found in his gaze.

 

“I’m glad we’re here at all Doc.  I’m just so grateful for all the incredible blessings in my life.”  His voice was smooth and rich, and it slipped around her like a protective blanket.  “The most incredible of which, is you.”

 

 

******

 

 

Peter gazed blearily out at the calm waters of the Salem River as he tugged at his tie.  It was close to ten pm, but he had nowhere to go.  He couldn’t go back to the house, there was nothing there for him and the last thing he wanted was for Stefano to track him down now. 

 

He dropped the tie beside him on the stony beach and rubbed his ringers over tired eyes.  He’d been counting on the three double bourbons he’d downed at the Cheatin’ Heart to make some impact on the raw, angry ache that was eating him up, but it seemed to have only exacerbated it.  A full bottle of bourbon lay beside him, and he contemplated it solemnly.  Maybe it would take more than just three doubles.

 

He’d lost so much.  First, he’d lost his brother Tony, and then Jennifer, the only woman he would ever love.  And now his sister had been taken from him.  He had known this would end in tears; he just hadn’t expected them to be his own.

 

“Oh Krissy,” he shook his head wearily, blood shot eyes scouring the ground for something they would never find.   This should never have happened.  But who’s fault was it?  Marlena’s for taking John?  John’s for lying to Kristen?  Or Kristen’s, for refusing to let go, even long after it became obvious whom John loved more.

 

He felt sick as he thought of the scene Mike had recounted to him.  Kristen trying to kill Marlena, totally oblivious to anything but her need to see her rival obliterated.  He couldn’t even imagine the rage Kristen must have been feeling or the terror Marlena must have experienced.  And then, for Kristen to die giving birth to the baby she wanted so desperately….  It seemed so utterly unfair.

 

Peter sighed and unbuttoned the top button of his rumpled shirt.  His head felt all messed up by the events of the past few weeks.  Now he knew that Stefano was still alive, it complicated things so much more.  He wanted nothing more than to just take a long holiday and try and forget everything that had happened in Salem since he had been here.  But instead, he had to report to Stefano that his daughter had died while trying to kill the subject of his obsession.  How on earth was he going to tell his adoptive father that piece of news? 

 

And what was Stefano’s reaction going to be?  

 

 

******

 

 

“Okay Marlena,” David Robbins edged into place at the bottom of the delivery table.  “How are you doing up there?”

 

“Don’t even *ask*,” Marlena groaned wearily.  She was thankful that she was finally in the delivery room, and she knew intellectually that it wouldn’t be much longer before she held her baby, but emotionally all she could feel was her exhaustion and the pain that bound her body.

 

“She’s doing fine,” John smiled indulgently.  If Marlena could still manage a retort like that, she wasn’t out of energy yet.

 

“Thirsty.”  Her voice was soft, but she glared at him with steely eyes, and he tried unsuccessfully to rein in his smile.  She really was completely adorable.

 

“Okay sweetheart.”  He nodded and reached over for the bowl of ice-chips.  She opened her lips slightly and he tipped several chips into her mouth.  She moaned and let the icy moisture melt across her tongue before she swirled it around her arid mouth.  Then, with gentle hands, John wet the washcloth and daubed her brow, following up with a soft kiss. 

 

“You’re doing great baby.”  His whisper was quiet and intimate against her ear and as he pulled away, she looked up at him with grateful eyes.  Despite the pain and the exhaustion, she was so thankful to be here with him.  It was a special, wonderful moment and no one could ever take it from them.

 

“All right Marlena, I want you to push with the next contraction, okay?”  Dr. Robbins gave her the instruction with a small wink of encouragement.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me twice.”  She groaned loudly as she gripped John’s hand.  “G*d, now I remember why I didn’t want to do this again.”

 

“C’mon baby, you’re doing great.”  John swept the hair off her face.  “This’ll all be over soon and then we’ll get the good bit.”

 

“What?  Two a.m. feedings and smelly… oh G*d…” she could feel the pain building up and suddenly this seemed like a really bad idea.  “Smelly diapers?”

 

“Yeah, and spit on your clothes and colic and teething.”  He held up the hand that was grasping his and helped her to sit forward as she began the first leg of her marathon to birth their baby.  “That’s it, baby.”

 

“Mmmmm-ahhhhh…”  The sound originated in her throat, but it became more vocal as she neared the end of the contraction.

 

“That’s it Marlena.  Give it all you have,” the doctor encouraged.

 

“Trying….” She asserted as all her muscles focused in a concerted effort to expel the tiny life inside her.  “Aaaaaaaaggghhh.”

 

“Okay, ease off when the contraction does,” David looked up at her with another wink.  “You’re doing just fine.”

 

“I don’t want to hear about fine,” Marlena snapped irritably as she collapsed against the cushions.  “I want to hear about how it’s almost over.”  Turning to John wearily, she nailed him with a baleful glare.  “This is all *your* fault.  And thanks for the colic and the teething, Dr. Freud.  That *really* helped.”

 

“I didn’t get to finish, Doc.”  He stifled a chuckle.  “Diapers, colic and teething, yeah.  But there are other things to consider too.  How about the little hands that grab your finger?  And then there’s first smiles.”  He covered her hand with his and smiled tenderly at her.  “What about that wonderful baby smell and the way their skin feels when it’s cuddled up to yours?  Or the first time the call you Momma, or the first time they tell you they love you?”  He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles gently when he saw the tears glistening in her eyes.  “We’ve got lots of wonderful, special moments to look forward to, Doc.”

 

“And I’m looking forward to each and every one of them,” she whispered as a tear shimmied down her cheek.  “I’m sorry, I sounded really ungrateful.”

 

“You just sounded like you’re very tired and want to get this over with,” he told her gently.  “And you have every right to feel like that.”

 

“It’s been a long day,” she closed her eyes and moaned as she felt the next contraction building.  “I just want it to be over.  I just want to sleep and wake up and finish this all tomorrow.”

 

“With any luck, you’ll finish it today before the clock rolls over to tomorrow,” David Robbins interjected from his place at the foot of the bed.  “Okay, time to push again.”

 

“Tomorrow?” Marlena looked at the clock, a sliver of distress creeping into her voice.  The last thing she wanted was to still be doing this when the clock struck midnight.

 

 

******

 

 

“Why haven’t they called?” Sami looked at the phone, her blue eyes etched with the worry she felt.  “It’s been *hours*, Granma.  Why hasn’t anyone called?”

 

“Probably because there’s nothing to report yet, Peanut,” Roman said gently as he slid his arm around his daughter’s shoulder.  “You know these things take time.”

 

“Aren’t you worried?” Sami demanded irritably.  “Mom’s not young anymore, Dad.  Giving birth is hard enough when you’re in your twenties, you know.”

 

“I know,” Roman nodded.  “And of course I’m concerned Sami, that’s only natural.  But your mom is in the right place with all the best care.  Nothing is going to go wrong.”

 

Sami said nothing but she dropped her head into her hands, her flaxen hair cascading around graceful fingers.  Roman looked up at Caroline who was studiously drying a glass, avoiding his worried eyes.  She had no reassurances for him.  There was nothing to do but wait.  And pray.

 

 

******

 

 

Peter unscrewed the top of the bottle of bourbon and wrapped strong fingers around the neck of the bottle.  Lifting it, he pressed the open mouth of the bottle against his lips and let the liquid filter into his mouth.

 

The alcohol was hot and strong as it scorched its way across his tongue and down his throat.  He took three good swallows of the bourbon and then dropped his arm, the bottle coming to rest with a clink against the stones that he sat on.  Wiping his mouth with the back of his fingers, Peter stared into the darkness. 

 

The fumes from the alcohol stung his bloodshot eyes but he didn’t care.  He had only one aim at the moment, and that was to get as plastered as he could.  Hopefully that would numb some of the emotions that were warring inside him. 

 

He felt utterly alone in the world, adrift without any kind of anchor, any kind of purpose.  His sister was dead.  Dead because of John Black.  He had taken Kristen from Tony, destroying Tony’s life and driving him to his death.  And then, when he had Kristen, he’d tossed her aside for Marlena Evans.  And then there was Marlena.  Even though she had known that John was with Kristen, committed to a life with her, Marlena had chosen to lure John back into her life.  She’d had no right, no right to tempt John, no right to ruin Kristen’s life.

 

Peter lifted the bottle and took another long swig of the amber liquid, finding some miniscule enjoyment in the warmth that the alcohol created as it slid easily down his throat.  The river in front of him ran black and sluggish towards the sea, the current of the water sweeping all before it, somewhat like his grief.

 

He grunted and picked up a stone, flinging it towards the water where it lapped gently on the pebbles.  It disappeared with a tiny plunking sound, swallowed up by the inexorable black void.  He knew how it felt.

 

He took another slug of the bourbon and then with a harsh groan of misery, he dropped the bottle between his legs and let his head slump into his hands.  How in the hell was he going to face up to Stefano and tell him what had happened today?  And how was he going to explain his failure to stop it?

 

 

******

 

 

“That’s it baby,” John held Marlena’s hand tightly as he sat behind her, his free hand wiping the moisture from her cheeks as she pushed again.

 

“Oh G*d,” she sobbed as she slumped against him.

 

“You’re doing a great job, sweetheart,” he assured her, hoping that his tone was soothing enough that she wouldn’t think he was patronizing her.  “It won’t be long now.”

 

“He’s right Marlena,” David looked up, his eyes gleaming.  “The baby is crowning.  You don’t have too much longer.”

”I’m ex… exhausted,” she gasped as she struggled to keep her emotions in check.

 

“I know you are,” the doctor’s reply was sympathetic but resolute.  “But you can’t give up and go home now Marlena, you know that.”  He smiled.  “I’ve never known you to give up at *anything*, anyway.  You don’t have a reputation for being stubborn for nothing.”

 

“Ain’t *that* the truth,” John chuckled, his laughter only increasing when Marlena dug her elbow into his side.  “There you go, you can’t be that exhausted Doc.”

”You’re going to pay for this.” Marlena warned.  “Ooh G*d.”  She hunched over again as another contraction gathered.  Taking two deep breaths, she closed her eyes and collecting all the strength she had left, she pushed as hard as she could.

 

John’s smile quickly faded as he squeezed her hand again.  He felt so useless, he wanted to help her somehow, but it was all she could do to let him hold her hand.  He had tried to massage her shoulders during an early contraction, and she had just about jumped down his throat.  He knew it was simply because of the labor and the exhaustion and pain, but still it didn’t make him feel any less helpless.  If he could do it for her, he would.  But that was one thing he couldn’t do.  And so he sat here and tried to encourage her and take her mind off it for the few short moments that he could.

 

“John, do you want to come and see your baby being born?” David Robins asked with a relaxed smile.  Things were going well now, the labor was progressing quite rapidly and he could afford to encourage Marlena and John to enjoy the short moments that were left of this remarkable process.

 

“Doc?” John wasn’t sure that he wanted to leave her, even if he was only going to be two feet away.

 

“Mmm,” she nodded, her face red with the exertion.  “Go.”

“Marlena Evans,” he picked up the cool cloth and gently wiped her face with it before he stroked her cheek with the side of his finger, “you are the most amazing woman I have ever known.  And *G*d* I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too, you idiot,” she couldn’t help the smile that found her lips as he bent down to brush his own against them.

 

“I might be an idiot Doc, but at least I’m your idiot.”  He grinned before he pulled away from her and went to stand beside the doctor.

 

“Okay Marlena, a couple more good pushes and this should just about be over, okay?”  He winked at her, and she rolled her eyes.  She’d heard that kind of encouragement before and she’d believe it when it actually happened.

 

Still, she really had no time to ponder it as the urge to push swept through her again and she delved all her energy into birthing her baby.

 

“I can see it Doc!”  John yelped at the foot of the birthing table.  “I can see his head.  Man, this is *amazing*.”  He could never grow jaded enough to be underwhelmed by this moment.  And if being present at Brady’s and Belle’s births weren’t special enough, this time everything had come together in one incredible gift from the heavens.  Marlena, delivering a child they had created from their love, a perfect embodiment of everything they were together.  “C’mon Marlena.  Baby, he’s almost here.  Just another push!”

 

“Mmmmm-ahhhhh,” Marlena was so exhausted she could barely think, let alone respond to John’s words.  But she could hear his encouragement and she could feel the strength of his love for her and their child and that was all the encouragement she needed.  As the next contraction wracked her body, she pushed with everything she had left.

 

“All right Marlena!”  David’s shout was almost victorious.  “That’s the head.  Just one more push and we can start packing up to go home.”

 

“Oh Doc!” John’s throat was dammed by the overwhelming emotions, and his voice came out as little more than a strangled whisper.  “It’s our baby.  It’s really ours.” 

 

Marlena’s final effort was accompanied by a cry that was more a whimper and John watched as David Robbins guided the tiny life, his new child out into the waiting world. 

 

The reedy cry of the newborn filled the room and John felt the hot moisture of tears as they hit his cheeks.  He looked up at Marlena who was beaming, despite her exhaustion and a boyish grin lit up his face.

“He’s a boy Doc…  We’ve got another little slugger.”

 

“How many…. do you need to start a baseball team?” she managed to tease him, his joy at seeing his new boy somehow invigorating her a little.

 

“Who cares about baseball?” he shook his head as he watched the nurse take the tiny boy.  “I have you and we have our kids.  That’s all that matters.”

 

Marlena felt the warm glow of exhaustion numbing her body as the last of her work was done and she had the chance to relax.  Silently, John came to her side and lifted her hand.  With the gentlest of touches, he pressed a kiss into the center of her palm and then he leaned over to brush his soft silky lips across hers.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered lovingly.

 

“For what?”  Her conscious mind was shattered by tiredness, and she wasn’t quite sure what he meant.

 

“For accepting me back into your life after everything.”  His eyes held hers, shining and intensely indigo.  “For loving me despite my many, *many* faults,” he smiled softly.  “For giving me three *beautiful* children and just for everything you are and everything you do.”

 

“You make me sound like some kind of saint, John,” she said with a hint of amusement.  “You’re in my life because I love you, because you make me just as happy as I make you and because you complete my life in ways I could never have even imagined.”  She reached up and cupped his cheek with the palm of her hand.  “You make me so happy.  With you and all our children,” she looked over at the baby boy who was now crying again, and her eyes misted with the realization of what they had accomplished, together.  “I think… no, I *know* my life is perfect.”

 

“Would you like to hold your baby Marlena?” David lifted the baby from the nurse’s arms and brought it to Marlena.

 

“Was that rhetorical?” Marlena felt her heart pounding as she held her arms out.

 

“Of course,” David Robbins chuckled as he placed the baby in his mother’s arms. 

 

He watched as Marlena curled her arms around the precious bundle and gazed in awe at the tiny features.  “You know, I think this is probably the most satisfying moment of my job.”  He looked up at John and he was suddenly aware that neither of the new parents had even heard him. 

 

With a satisfied smile, he backed away from the birthing table and he turned to the nurse.

 

“Let them have a few minutes alone and then arrange to have them moved to a private room.”

 

“Sure thing,” she returned his smile as she watched the happy parents.  John was now sitting on the edge of the bed next to Marlena with his arm around her shoulder and he was watching her watch the baby with an expression of utter bliss on his face.  “They make a cute family, huh?”

 

“They sure do,” David Robbins sighed with the contentment of a man knowing his job is well done.  “And after everything they’ve been through, they deserve to be the happiest family in Salem.  I just hope they get to finally experience a little of that.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 139 – A Fork in the Road

 

 

Marlena lifted heavy eyelids to find John watching her, the suggestion of a smile lingering on his lips.  The baby lay snuggled in his arms, warm and contented, for the moment.

 

“Hey sleepyhead,” he whispered, his lips twitching into a grin.

 

“Did I go to sleep?” she asked in a small voice as she tried to stifle a yawn.

 

“Just for a few minutes.”  He looked down at the tiny bundle in his arms.  “Like mother, like son, I guess.”

 

“Can I hold him?”  Marlena pushed herself into a sitting position and reached for her newborn son.  It might have only been a few minutes, but it felt like hours since she’d had him in her arms, and she ached with a maternal need to have him close to her.

 

“Of course you can,” John deposited him gently in her arms and moved up beside her on the bed.  Looping his arm around her, he looked at the baby over her shoulder.  “He looks like you, you know.”

 

“Rubbish,” Marlena laughed gently.  “He looks *exactly* like his father, right down to those *incredibly* blue eyes.”

 

“Doc, *all* newborns have blue eyes,” he nuzzled at her ear.  “He has your nose.  He’s too beautiful to look like me.”

 

“You’re such a smooth talker,” Marlena laughed as the baby waved a tiny fist in the air.  “Yes, that’s right, your Daddy is full of it, isn’t he?”

 

“Only ‘cause he has to keep up with Mommy, right kid?”  There was laughter in John’s voice, but it masked the sudden wave of emotion that smashed into him as he realized once again how lucky he was to be here with Marlena. 

 

Things could have been so different and not for the first time, John wondered how it was that he had gotten so lucky.  Because he sure as hell didn’t deserve the love of a woman as beautiful and generous and passionate as Marlena.  And if he didn’t deserve that, he certainly didn’t deserve the chance to make a life with her. 

 

But here he was, holding her in his arms and he only knew that he would spend the rest of his life loving her, cherishing her and treasuring their time together.

 

“I love you Marlena,” his arm tightened around her, and he pressed his lips to her hair.

 

“I love you too, hony,” she twisted her head and graced him with a gentle kiss of her own.

 

“Speaking of babies, I think it’s time this tyke here met his little brother,” John suggested.  “What do you think?”

 

“Isn’t it a little late, honey?” Marlena eyed the clock, which told her that it was still the twenty-eighth, but only just.  “The nursery will be closed…” She looked at him in alarm, realizing what she had just said.  “Oh golly.  Go and see if you can find him.”

 

“Sure thing sweetheart,” John kissed her as he slipped off the bed.  “Your wish is my command.”

 

“*Hurry*.”

 

Marlena urging followed him out the door as she held the newly restless baby to her.  It wasn’t a feeling that she could describe, or even understand.  It was bound up in the past, not just the recent past with Kristen or in the dreams she had been having, but with Belle’s birth and right back to the death of her first baby boy.

 

Maybe it was a fear, maybe it was a simple need to have her newborn twins close to her, she only knew that she needed to hold both her babies.  And with a mother’s instinct, she knew that the boys would be happier if they were together.

 

The baby in her arms whimpered as though her thoughts had somehow triggered a latent uneasiness in the small consciousness.

 

“Shhhhh,” she murmured, rocking the tot in her arms.  “Shhhhh, it’s okay sweetie boy.  Momma’s here.  Everything’s fine.”  The baby waved his arms, fretting softly as she cradled him and she dropped soft kisses on his downy skin, soothing him with the mere application of a mother’s touch.  “Shhhh, my love.  Shhhhh….” 

 

 

******

 

 

It was when the phone jangled into life over at the bar, that Sami realized that her every nerve was on edge.  Jumping up, she raced to snatch up the receiver before anyone else could get to it.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Samantha, is that you?”  John’s voice sounded tinny through the earpiece.

 

“John, what’s happened?  What’s going on?  How’s Mom?  I’ve been so worried-”

“Woah, woah, woah.  One thing at a time there Sami,” John chuckled wearily.   “Your Mom is just fine.  And so are your new baby brothers.”

 

“Boys!?”  Sami’s excited squeal was almost enough to deafen John.

 

“Uh-huh,” he nodded with a grin as he neared the nursery.  “And they’re just *beautiful*.”

 

“Of course they are.” Relief filtered through the humor in Sami’s voice.  “They’re related to me, after all.”

“Well of course.” John looked through the window at the tiny babies nestled snugly in the nursery for the night.

 

“And Mom?” His daughter’s voice softened, even through the earpiece of the cell phone.

 

“Your Mom is just fine Samantha,” John waved at the nurse on the other side of the glass.  “She did great.  She’s pretty tired obviously, but she’s… just great.”  He smiled at the remembered vision of Marlena holding their son in her arms.

 

“What about… Kristen?” Sami seemed reluctant to bring up the despised name.  “Have you told her the truth yet?  About the babies I mean?”

 

“Uh…” John paused as the nurse came out of the nursery door, “hang on a moment Sami, will you?”

 

“Sure.”  Sami looked up at the family that were now gathered expectantly around the bar in front of her and realized that her grandparents didn’t yet know the truth about Kristen’s child.  “Mom’s fine, and I’ve got a baby brother!”

 

“Oh well that’s grand, so it is!”  Shawn’s expression transformed into a thrilled grin.

 

“And Kristen’s baby?” Roman asked pointedly.

 

“Fine.  It’s a boy too.”  Sami could hear that John was finishing his conversation on the other end of the line and she quieted her father’s further question.

 

“Are you there, Sami?”  John watched the nurse go into the nursery and over to his newborn son.

 

“Uh-huh,” Sami nodded expectantly, even though John couldn’t see her.

 

“About Kristen…” He turned away from the window, unsure how to frame the fact that Kristen was dead.  It still felt wrong to care so little that she was gone, but the fact was that it made his life and Marlena’s life so much easier and so much more pleasant that there was little reason to feel sorry.  “Uh, there was a crisis in delivery… the placenta tore away and she hemorrhaged….  I’m afraid they couldn’t save her sweetheart.”

 

There was silence at the other end of the line as Sami digested the news.

 

“Oh.”  She looked up at Roman with huge aqua eyes as she tried to work out how she felt about this news.  It didn’t take long as she remembered what Kristen had tried to do to her mother.  “Oh well.  I guess she got her just desserts, huh?”

 

“Guess so.”  John didn’t have the heart to argue with Sami, or even be shocked that she was so blunt about the departure of a woman that none of them could stand.  “Sweetheart, tell the family about the boys and about Kristen if you like.  But I think your mom and I would like to tell the family the truth about the babies and about us being together.”

 

“Sure,” Sami nodded with a small smile, “not quite sure how I’d explain it anyway.”

”Neither am I to be quite honest,” John looked up to see the nurse holding his baby boy in the doorway.”  “Look, I have to get back to Doc.  Tell everyone that we love them, and we’d love to see them tomorrow.”

 

“Okay.  Tell Mom I love her,” Sami asked with emotion and then added when she saw her Granma and Granpa nodding, “tell her we all love her.  And you too John.”

 

“I love you too, Samantha,” John smiled down at his sleeping son.  “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

He finished the call and snapped his cell phone closed before the nurse handed over the tiny bundle.

 

“Here you are Mr. Black.  One little boy delivered safe and sound into his daddy’s arms.”  She looked up at him with compassionate eyes.  “I was so sorry to hear about his mama.”

 

“Thanks, but you can save your sympathy,” John told her with an edge to his voice.  “This little fella is much better off without her in his life.  His *real* mother is going to love him and adore him more than that woman could even *begin* to.”

 

 

******

 

 

Peter fumbled with his keys as he leaned against the front door, his fingers clumsy and unresponsive as he tried to work out which was the piece of metal that would grant him entrance to his empty house.

 

“D*mn!”  He bent over to pick up the bunch of keys that had clattered noisily to the ground.  “Shhh.  D*mn keys.”  He stumbled as he lurched for them and slammed against the door.  “G*dd*mn!  Jusht wanna get inshide.  Isshat too much to f*ckin’ ashk?”

 

He dropped his jacket and placed one hand on the door, in a lame effort to keep himself steady as he bent down for the keys again.  However, his effort was all for naught as the door swung open behind him and he toppled heavily onto the front doormat.

 

Letting out a grunt of fury and pain, he untangled himself and pushed himself into a sitting position, his bloodshot eyes searching out the b*stard responsible for a shitty ending to a terrible night.

 

However, his attitude and mood soon changed as his eyes met the gleaming ebony of Stefano’s.

 

“Hello, Peter.”  The mere act of speaking was enough to reveal the anger lurking with his adoptive father and Peter felt his heart begin to thump in response to the adrenaline.  “Would you care to tell me what the *h*ll* is going on?”

 

 

******

 

 

When John arrived back with his firstborn twin, he found Marlena dozing again, the little boy sound asleep in her arms.  The sight reminded him so much of that incredible night in the cabin when he had brought their beautiful Belle into the world. 

 

Some women were just born to be mothers, and Marlena was one of those women, he had no doubt.  She looked absolutely angelic with her golden hair rippling across the pillow and her tiny son nestled in her arms and he was suddenly hesitant to wake her.

 

Settling himself in the chair beside the bed, he made himself comfortable with his son nestled snugly in his arms.  He smiled as he watched Marlena, her chest rising and falling gently as she slept, and he reflected again on how amazing it was that they had made it to this point.

 

“Thank you, God,” he whispered.  “Thank you for the wonderful gifts you’ve allowed me.  Thank you for my beautiful children, for the three that I brought up as my own for so long, Carrie, Sami and Eric.  And thank you for Brady and for little Isabella.  And thank you for the two newest blessings you’ve brought into my life.  These two little guys are just something else.  And most of all Lord, thank you for Marlena.  We’ve been through so much… apart and mostly together.  I know for a fact that I would not be sitting here now if it was not for her.  She has saved me, physically, emotionally and spiritually, more times than I care to count.  Whenever I’ve needed her, she’s always been there for me, graceful and uncomplaining.  Even when she had every right to hate me, she still loved me.”  Marlena whimpered quietly in her sleep and John quieted as he waited to see whether she was going to wake.  When she didn’t, he continued in his prayer.

 

“Lord, there were times when I wasn’t very good to her, when I hurt her without meaning to.  But I have always loved her.  *Always*.  And I am going to ask for your help in making sure that I am the best husband to her, and the best father to my kids that I possibly can be.  I want to be everything to her that she needs, and I want to be the kind of man that makes his children proud of him.”  He looked down at the little tyke in his arms and his lips curled as his voice faltered.  “So, since you have given me so much already Lord, I want to ask you for this one more thing.  Help me, give me the wisdom and the strength to be deserving of them all….”

 

He looked up as a cry sounded from the baby in Marlena’s arms and a moment later, she lifted her golden head, her eyes bleary with sleep.

 

“Oh,” she looked at the baby disconcertedly and then up at John as the baby in his arms joined the wailing.  “Oh, no!”

 

“It’s okay sweetheart,” John stood up and moved to her side and placed the firstborn twin boy in her arms beside his brother.  Marlena’s eyes widened as the babies immediately quieted their fussing and settled back down to the business of sleeping.

 

“How did you know to do that?” she asked in amazement.

 

“I remembered how Sami and Eric were when they used to be separated.”  John shrugged as he sat on the edge of the bed.  Running his hand down her thigh, he looked at the babies thoughtfully.  “I don’t really know why, other than that.”

“But even if they are twins, they weren’t together in the womb…” Marlena looked down at her babies and sighed.  “Oh, look at them John.  Gosh, I can’t quite believe that they’re ours.”

“They’re beautiful all right,” John stared at his sons, and it only took a second for it to hit him.  “My G*d, Doc, they’re practically identical.”

 

Marlena’s brow furrowed as she looked at the boys, seeing exactly what John was seeing.  Even though babies often looked alike, there was no doubting that these two babies were identical in every way that counted. 

 

“But how can that be?” she looked at John again, confusion reigning in her expression.  “Identical twins come from the same egg, and they share a placenta and an amniotic sac.  You couldn’t even miscarry one and not the other.  John, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“Honey, what about this *does* make sense?” John asked gently.  “Sometimes I just feel like I walked into this really bad science fiction plot that I can’t get my head around.  And when I try and make sense of it, try and think about it logically….” He grinned again.  “I either get a headache, or I give up.”

 

“But how on earth are we going to explain this?”  She looked at her sons again and frowned.  “I mean how are we going to explain that Kristen’s son looks exactly like my son, without telling everybody the truth?  And if we tell them the truth, they’re going to think we lost our minds.”

 

John looked at the babies and took a deep breath before blowing it out thoughtfully.

“I wish I knew Doc.  I wish I could think of a single thing to say that would make even an iota of sense, but I just can’t.”

 

“I’m too tired to even *begin* to think about it.” Marlena closed her eyes and dropped her head back wearily, giving up on the question almost as quickly as it had occurred to her.  “Let’s deal with it tomorrow.”

 

“Hi there,” David Robbins popped his head around the doorway.  “How’s the happy family doing?”

 

“We’d be doing better if we were all sleeping,” Marlena yawned.

 

“Well, how about we get these tykes off to the nursery and after I give you a quick check, you can do just that,” the doctor suggested.

 

“Oh *no*.”  Marlena appeared to be horrified as she shook her head.  “No.  I… please David, I’d sleep a lot better if the children were in here with me.”

 

“Isn’t that a little paradoxical?”  David was a little surprised by the strength of her reaction.

 

“No, you don’t understand,” she looked desperately at John, silently begging him for his support.  “After everything that happened today, after all the nightmares I’ve had, I *have* to have them close.  Otherwise, I’ll spend the whole night awake, worrying about them.”

 

“Marlena, they’ll be just fine in the nursery,” David’s voice was gentle and soothing.  “Perfectly safe.”

 

“I don’t *care* how safe you think they’d be,” Marlena was practically in tears now and the babies were starting to squirm restlessly as she pushed herself more upright.  “I’m telling you; I can’t do it.  Not as their mother.  I need to have them here.”

 

“Doctor,” John interceded as he caught Marlena’s hand in his and squeezed it.  “I don’t think you understand what we’re dealing with here.  Marlena was attacked today and Kristen’s father, Stefano DiMera is still out there somewhere.  And you don’t even *want* to know what that old bastard is responsible for.”

 

“John.” Marlena’s voice was soft, but firm.  “This isn’t the place.”  She looked at David Robbins again.  “Please David.  I know you think it would be better for me, but really, the best thing is to let me be with my children.”

 

“You may as well give in now, man,” John laughed, trying to break the tension between the doctor and patient.  “She’s not known for being stubborn, for nothing.”

 

“John!” Marlena slapped John lightly, but his words seemed to do the trick as Dr. Robbins nodded.

 

“All right then Marlena.  You can have your own way.  But only,” he pointed at her, “if you promise me that you’ll behave yourself and call the nurse when you need anything.  And I mean *anything*,” he added with determination.

 

“Cross my heart.”  She drew a cross in front of her with a grin.

 

“Don’t worry doctor,” John squeezed Marlena’s hand again.  “I’ll make sure she stays tucked up in bed.  Safe and sound.”

 

“John,” Marlena looked surprised.  “You need some sleep honey.”

 

“Doc, if you think I’m letting you and our babies out of my *sight* after everything that’s gone down today, you are *very* sadly mistaken.”  John was only halfway kidding as he looked at her and the expression that lay buried under the sparkle in his eyes made her shiver.

 

“Oh,” she murmured softly.  “Okay then.”

 

“All right.  Well, let’s get these babies into their cribs and then check you out,” Dr. Robbins suggested promptly.  He was tired too, and the sooner they got this over with, the sooner they could all get some sleep.

 

 

******

 

 

“All right Peter, would you care to tell me what is going on?” Stefano demanded; his face dark.  He had waited for hours for Peter’s call and resented the necessity that he come into Salem where he could be so easily recognized.  And now to find Peter so drunk that he was almost falling over….?

 

“Ahhh…” Peter cast his eyes around the room, his mind slow to catch up with the fact that there was no way out.  He was going to have to tell Stefano the truth, there was just no other option.  “Long day.”  He fell backwards onto the sofa and groaned.  “*Really* bad, long day.”

 

”Bad?”  Stefano had a bad feeling about this since Peter got the phone call and it was only growing.  He could feel it uncoiling in the pit of his stomach, the fear that he dared not acknowledge.  “Not Marlena…?”

 

“*No.*”  Peter shook his head bitterly.  “Not your *precious* Marlena.  She’s jusht fine.  I’m sure she and John are the proud parentsh… of a bouncing baby by now.”

 

“She and John…?” Stefano’s voice stumbled to a halt as he looked suspiciously at Peter.  “Well then?  What has you so,” he glared at his adopted son with ill-hidden disgust, “inebriated that you cannot open your own front door?”

 

“My *sister*.”  Peter’s nostrils flared with anger.  “You want to know what the problem is, Stefano?  It’s Kristen.”  He felt sick and he wondered for a moment if he might throw up where he sat.  But then he managed to gather himself and look into Stefano’s bewildered eyes.  “My sister is *dead*, Stefano, and it was John and your darling, *wonderful* Marlena that killed her.”

 

 

******

 

 

It was silent in the darkened room as John watched Marlena’s chest rise and fall with her steady breathing.  She was asleep at last, the babies in cribs next to her.  John knew that she was right, she couldn’t have slept without the babies.  They had been through too much to take any risks now, no matter how small and insignificant they might seem.

 

A gentle smile touched his lips as he thought of her face when they had placed the baby in her arms.  She had been through so much and worked so hard, but a baby was the ultimate reward.  And she was such a natural mother, it was a privilege to watch her with the children.  It was a sight he would never get tired of as long as he lived.  He was the luckiest man on earth right now and he hoped he would never grow jaded enough to forget that.

 

He looked up again when he heard her whimper and he sighed as he readied himself to get up and go to her.  After the ordeal she suffered today, her nightmares were only likely to get worse.  After all, Stefano *was* out there, and the likelihood was that he would be less than happy about Kristen’s timely demise.  And John wouldn’t admit such a thing to Marlena, at least not unless she forced him to by being her usual pig-headed self, but he was more than a little worried about Stefano’s penchant for retribution.  Especially when it came to his children.

 

But oblivious to John’s concerns, Marlena settled in her sleep, and he sank back into his chair.  He certainly wasn’t leaving her.  Not tonight.  Not ever, for that matter.

 

 

******

 

 

“Dead?”  The question was wasted on Peter whose eyes had just rolled back into his head only seconds before he passed out on the sofa.  “Kristen is dead?”

 

A chill suffused Stefano’s blood as he peered at Peter.  Given the state of his son, he could only believe the worst.  Kristen was gone and if Peter was to be believed John Black was at fault.  And Marlena….

 

Stefano shook his head.  He could not believe that Marlena could be party to anything involving harm to Kristen.  But if Peter was right and Marlena was having *John’s* child… what exactly had been happening behind Kristen’s back in Stefano’s absence from Salem?

 

He scowled; his demeanor even uglier than it had been before Peter had arrived home.  He would find out the truth about what had happened and if John Black was responsible, Stefano would make sure that he was punished.  And this time he would not escape paying his dues.  And as for Marlena….  Stefano shook his head angrily. 

 

Only time would tell…

 

 

 

 

Chapter 140 – Deliberation

 

 

Eyes.  Blue as the sea.  Brilliant as the sky.  Eyes that hold the secrets of the past and the mysteries of the future.  Eyes that can see everything.  The truth of my heart, they lay my soul bare with a single, blistering glance.  Strip me of all pretences, and swathe me with gentle, soothing love.  Eyes as blue as forever…

 

 

Marlena drifted from her dream, slowly approaching consciousness and the sounds of a soft voice.  Opening her eyes, she saw the blue that had pervaded her dreams staring back at her.

 

“Hi there, sleepyhead,” John grinned, a baby in his arms.  “Wondered when you were going to wake.”

 

“What time is it?” she asked through a yawn before she stretched.

 

“It’s not quite eight,” John edged onto the bed next to her and gently placed the tiny boy in her arms.  “These guys aren’t hungry yet though.”

 

“Won’t take long, I’ll bet,” Marlena moved so that John could fit his body beside hers on the small hospital bed.  Slipping his arms around her, he peered at the baby over her shoulder.

 

“Isn’t he beautiful?” she traced the downy hair on the crown of his head and giggled as he yawned.  “Gosh, how did I get so lucky?”

 

“I think the question is how did we guys get so lucky to have an amazing woman like you in our lives, right kid?” John finished his question by pressing a tender kiss to Marlena’s neck.  “I love you Doc.  I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, anytime, anywhere, anyhow.”

 

“That’s quite something,” she looked around at him, her eyes dancing with amusement.  “Hear that sweetie boy?  Your Daddy is sounding pretty sure of himself huh?”

 

“*Very* sure.”  John nodded before kissing her jaw.  “Absolutely certain.”  He kissed her cheekbone.  “Unequivocally positive.”  He lifted his hand and gently turned her head, kissing her as she leaned back against the pillows.

 

“Wow, when you’re sure, you’re sure sure.”  She blinked as she took a deep breath, momentarily stunned by

the intensity of the unexpected moment. 

 

“I sure am,” he whispered, his blue eyes alive with feeling.  “Marlena, I want to marry you.  As soon as we can organize it.  I want to tell the world how much I love you.  Honey, I want to pledge my life to you in front of the people that we call our family and friends.”

 

“How is it you always know just the right things to say that will reduce me to tears?” Marlena asked him as she wiped her eyes.

 

“I just tell you how I feel, baby,” he said with a tender smile.  “I can’t help it if it makes you cry.”  He wiped away the few stray tears with the side of his thumb as he looked at her.  “I have to say though, I find your soft-heartedness quite adorable.”

 

“Oh, I’m glad you do,” Marlena looked back at the baby who was moving again in her arms.  “I think you’d better get used to it actually.”

 

“I’ll never get used to anything about having you around. “ John tightened his hold on her, burying his face in her hair for a long moment.  “Not enough to take you for granted, anyway.”                           

“I don’t see that happening for either of us,” Marlena shifted so that she was facing him, the baby in her arm between them.  “We’ve gone through far too much to get to this point.  We know the incredible value of what we have.  I don’t think either of us is foolish enough to ever forget that.”  She blinked, her eyes a vibrant moss color as she looked at him.  “I certainly hope not anyway.”

 

“No way,” he shook his head vehemently.  “There’s no *way* I’m ever letting go of you again.  No way that I’ll *ever* make the same mistakes I’ve made in the last few years.”

 

“Good,” she smiled as she looked down at the blue eyes of the baby that stared up at her.  “Because I am never going to make those mistakes either.”  She raised her gaze and found John’s eyes, so similar to the baby in her arms.  “I promise you I’ll always tell you how I feel and how much I love you and need you in my life.  Anything else would be a lie.  By act or omission.”

 

“Always Doc,” John cupped her cheek in his oversized palm and brushed his thumb across her cheek.  “This is for always.”

 

 

******

 

 

“What the *hell* do you mean you can’t get any more information?”  Stefano’s enraged voice floated up the stairs to where Peter stood with a brutally pounding head.  The hangover wasn’t pleasant, but the thought of facing his irate father was even less so.  He wasn’t exactly sure what had happened last night, but he was sure that it hadn’t ended happily.  After all, how could it?

And now he had to go down and explain to Stefano just how it was that Kristen had died giving birth to John Black’s spawn.  A child he was now going to bring up with Marlena as a brother to *their* new child.

 

Peter swallowed, trying to quell the nausea that rose in his gut.  This was all wrong.  This was *not* how it was supposed to be.  First Tony and now Kristen.  And it was all thanks to John f*cking Black.  John Black: Liar, fraud, master manipulator and utter b*stard.

 

Peter was interrupted from his reverie by the sound of a crash from the living room and he hastened down the stairs.

 

“Stefano, I-” He stopped at the sight of the picture frame that lay fractured at his feet.  John Black, his arms around Kristen, stared up into oblivion.  Without compunction, Peter lifted his foot and brought the heel of his shoe down on the hateful portrait.

 

“Ah, Peter,” Stefano scowled, ignoring his son’s act of hatred.  “Good.  Since I cannot get an ounce of sense out of any of the incompetent *idiots* working for me, perhaps you would care to complete your explanation of what happened yesterday.”  He narrowed his eyes unpleasantly.  “Perhaps you could complete it without passing out this time.”

 

“Uh, I’m sorry about that,” Peter ran fingers through tangled hair.  “I was kinda upset as you can probably understand.” 

 

“I understand,” Stefano replied curtly.  “But I would like to understand more.”

 

“Of course,” Peter’s head pounded as he sank into the chair that Stefano indicated.  “Perhaps I could have a coffee first though.  Um, clear my head, if you know what I mean?”

 

“Of course.” Stefano nodded.  “Whatever you require Peter.”  His voice was deceptively bland, but the moment his son’s name was out of his mouth, his apparent mood blackened.  “Just as long as I get the truth about what happened yesterday.  And soon.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Hi there,” Michelle popped her head around the corner, her smile brightening the room as she saw the family happily ensconced on the small bed.  “I was just about to go on shift and I thought I’d stop by and see how you’re all doing.”

 

“We’re doing just great, thanks Michelle,” John beamed, his face telling the story of a proud father. 

 

“Can I see them?” Michelle raised her eyebrows in question.

 

“Of course you can,” Marlena nodded at the nurse who was quickly becoming a friend to the both of them.

 

“Oh, my goodness!”  Michelle peered at the babies.  “Look at them, they’re beautiful.”

 

“Of course they are,” John’s grin looked as though it was permanently fixed on his face.  “They’re my boys.”

 

“And they look like it too.”  Michelle laughed as her eyes moved from one twin to the other.  Her laughter shortened as she looked up at Marlena, suddenly confused.  “Which boy is yours?”

 

“Uh,” Marlena looked at the babies and then at John, her heart pounding anxiously.  She’d known that this was coming; she just hadn’t expected to be confronted with it so soon. 

 

“This little guy here’s the one that Doc had last night,” John nodded at the baby in his arms, the answer coming easily to him.

 

“That’s amazing,” Michelle shook her head, still a little bemused.  “They look *so* similar.  And if I didn’t know better, I’d swear they *both* looked like you too, Marlena.”

 

“Oh well,” Marlena laughed nervously.  “Guess it’s just as well you do know better, huh?  Coincidences are strange things.”

 

“Yeah,” Michelle nodded, her suspicions hardly allayed by Marlena’s reaction.  “I guess so.”

 

“So how is our new mother this morning?” David Robbins checked his watch as he walked into the room.  “The babies’ paediatrician will be down shortly, but in the meantime, you just have me to contend with.”

 

“I’m great,” Marlena smiled contentedly, settling back against John.  “Couldn’t be better in fact.”

 

“Glad to hear it,” David Robbins smiled easily as he picked up Marlena’s wrist and checked her pulse.  When he was satisfied, he looked over at Michelle who had taken a baby from Marlena and still held him in her arms.  “Cute little guys, aren’t they?”

 

“Yeah,” Michelle nodded.  “Cute and uncannily similar.  Anyone would think that you’d had twins Marlena.”  She looked down at the baby that gurgled in her arms. “I guess it will make things easier in a way huh?”

 

“Guess so,” John nodded uneasily.  “We haven’t quite worked out how to tell all the family what’s happened yet.  I guess the fact that the kids look so alike is going to clue most of them in pretty quickly.”

 

“Ah, I’d say so,” Michelle nodded. “I think you’d better work out what you’re going to tell them.  And pretty quickly.  If there’s one thing that’s a universal constant, it’s the families always want to see their newest member as early as they possibly can.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Yesterday?”  Stefano tapped his stubby fingers on the table as he watched Peter drain the last of his coffee before pouring a new cup.  “Peter.  I have not got all day.” 

 

“Uh, yeah,” Peter nodded.  “Yesterday….” He dropped his head into his hands despairingly.  “G*d, what a f*cking mess.”

 

“How, Peter?  How did this *happen* to my daughter?”  Stefano was controlling his temper, but only barely.  His hand was curled into a fist and his knuckles bleached white under the skin as he pressed down on the polished surface of the table. 

 

When Peter didn’t reply, Stefano’s rage escalated and his fist smashed down onto the table, the saucer and spoon jumping with a noisy clang.  “*Answer* me, d*mmit!”

 

“She lost it Stefano.”  Peter lowered his hands and raised his bloodshot eyes to his adoptive father.  “She found out John was cheating on her with Marlena and she couldn’t deal with it.  Apparently, she sent John on a wild goose chase and went to Marlena’s apartment… with the intention of killing her.”

 

“Killing….?”  A chill crept through Stefano as he tried to envisage such a hideous concept.

 

“Yes.” Peter replied bitterly.  “She tried to kill your *beloved* Marlena.  She *did* kill the nurse that was supposed to be keeping her locked up in the loft.  You want to know why?”  His lips curled into a sneer as he saw the emotional struggle behind Stefano’s stunned expression.  “Because it turns out that your *perfect* Marlena Evans was busy luring John Black back to her bed.  She had his bastard child last night and she and John have been running around behind Krissy’s back for *weeks*, if not months.  And when Kristen found out, she finally snapped.”

 

“No,” Stefano shook his head, his heart pounding as he tried to find the lie in Peter’s words.  He had known about John and Marlena’s secret tryst, but to realize that it had been at the expense of Kristen’s sanity….?  “No Peter, you must be wrong.”

 

“I’m *not* wrong.”  Peter pushed his chair away from the table angrily.  “You haven’t *been* here Stefano, you don’t know what’s been going on.  Kristen tried to *kill* herself months ago when John tried to end it with her.  She almost died.  And John *still* f*cked around with Marlena behind her back, knowing what it would *do* to her if she found out.”

 

“You haven’t finished the story Peter,” Stefano prompted his adoptive son sternly.  “What happened when Kristen went to Marlena’s apartment?”

“She took a knife.”  Peter’s face was grim as he relayed the horrific events of the previous afternoon.  “She and Marlena evidently had a struggle.  But John managed to get there just in time to save Marlena.  Of course, predictably, she went into premature labor and John, ever the gallant hero,” he said sarcastically, “rushed her to hospital.”

 

“And Kristen?” Stefano asked, his lips tight with anger.

 

“Kristen?  He left Kristen in the care of Eugene Bradford.”  Peter spat out the words derisively.  “And then *she* went into labor.  They took her to the hospital but as she was delivering, she started hemorrhaging.  Apparently in the struggle with Marlena, she fell or something and it caused the placenta to tear away from the wall of her…” He turned away, unable to continue.

 

“There was nothing they could do?” Stefano’s shoulders slumped as he was assaulted with the image of his beloved daughter, bleeding to death alone in a hospital full of unsympathetic strangers.

 

“It was too fast,” Peter shrugged with his back still to Stefano.  “There were no operating rooms free, and they just couldn’t operate in time….”

 

An awkward silence flooded the room as the two men found themselves devoid of words.  There was no way to adequately describe the pain and anger, so it was best to not even try. 

 

Stefano blinked, looking out of the window at the clear blue sky.  Kristen, his beloved Kristen, was dead.  Just like Tony before her, dead at the hand of John Black.  Oh, maybe not literally, but John was responsible for her death.  He had her blood on his hands and he would pay for her death with his own.

 

And Marlena….  Stefano sighed softly.  What of Marlena?  While it was true that Marlena had borne John’s son last night, he knew that for a fact, was she responsible in part for Kristen’s death?  Had her betrayal, her renewed relationship with John Black been the catalyst for Kristen’s encroaching insanity?

 

He shook his head, trying to banish the thoughts that were beginning to slip between his defenses.  There was no time for this.  He had spent too long in Salem already.  As inept as the police department was in Salem, he could not take any more risks.

 

“I must go now Peter,” he said stiffly.  “I’ll contact you with instructions.”

 

“When?” Peter turned around, his shoulders slumped in defeat.  “I don’t want to stay here anymore, Stefano.  There’s nothing left for me in Salem now.”

 

“Soon, Peter.”  Stefano went to the younger man and laid a hand on his arm.  “I will contact you soon.  Grieve your sister, my son.   There *is* a reason for you to stay in this g*dforsaken town, I guarantee it.”  His eyes amplified the significance of his words, the anger and promised revenge igniting a similar vein of emotion inside Peter.  “Just wait for my word.”

 

 

******

 

 

“I don’t know Doc,” John shrugged uncomfortably.  “I just don’t know what’s the best way to tell them.”  He looked down at the baby in his arms.  “I mean, Michelle is right, these babies could be identical twins.  How do we explain that away?”

 

“They *can’t* be identical John, it’s physically impossible,” Marlena replied stubbornly as she pushed herself up in the bed.

 

“Sweetheart, it’s physically impossible that Kristen had *your* baby and yet she did,” John pointed out.  “My point is, if Michelle saw the resemblance, then Shawn and Caroline are going to.  Hell, Caroline saw the resemblance between Belle and Brady before *we* even realized. She’s not going to miss the fact that these two kids practically look like clones.”

 

“John-” Marlena sighed irritatedly.

 

“I’m sorry Doc, that came out wrong.  I just think we need to deal with this head on.  It’s not something that’s going to go away.”  His voice softened as he looked up at her.  “Honey I’m not trying to make life difficult.  I know you’re tired and that you’ve been through hell these last few months-“

 

“I’m fine John,” Marlena interrupted, a little annoyance sounding in her voice.  “I’m not trying to put this off, I just think that maybe we’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.”

 

“How do you mean?” John stroked the soft down on the baby’s head almost unconsciously.

 

“I mean that…” she sighed gently.  “Well let’s face it.  Who already knows the truth?  Roman, Sami, Laura and Mike.  Along with Lucie and probably Roman’s girlfriend knows more than a little of the truth.  Then there’s Alice Horton whom I am *sure* suspects *something*.”  A small smile touched her lips.  “You can’t keep much a secret in a hospital like this John.  I think our close family deserves to know the truth and they deserve to hear it from us.”

“You think they’ll be able to understand about the babies being twins?” John frowned pensively. 

 

“About as well as we do?” Marlena shrugged.  “I don’t think you’re giving them enough credit John.”  She looked across at the tiny baby in the crib beside her and smiled.  “They’re going to adore these two, however they understand or don’t understand what happened.”

 

“You got that right.”

 

Marlena looked up to see Sami standing in the doorway.

“Oh *hi* sweetie girl!”  A huge smile lit up her face as she welcomed her daughter into the hospital room.  “It’s so good to see your beautiful face.”

 

“It’s so good to see you!”  Sami’s expressive blue eyes widened as she neared the hospital bed.  “I was getting really worried last night, waiting for John to call.”

 

“Nothing to worry about,” Marlena squeezed her hand before patting a space on the edge of the bed.  “We did just fine.  All of us.”

 

“So I see,” Sami grinned as she looked over at John.  The way he was looking at his new son was enough to melt her heart.  “Are you going to introduce me to my new brothers?”

 

“Oh my,” Marlena looked surprised for a split second and then chuckled quietly. “Gosh, why do I suddenly feel too old for all this?”

 

“You’re not too old, Doc,” John looked up, his blue eyes burning passionately.  “You’ll never be too old to be a mom to and love your kids.”  He smiled at the surprise on her lips.  “Besides, you don’t look a day older than the day I met you.”

 

“You’re such a charmer,” Marlena shook her head as she turned back to Sami.  “We haven’t named the boys yet, Sami.”

 

“Well, that’s okay,” Sami shrugged happily, reveling in the happy family atmosphere that was pervading the room.  “I’ll just call ’em tyke one and tyke two.”

 

“Well, in that case,” John rose from the chair and walked to the bed.  “This is tyke one.  Say hello to your big sister, kid.”

 

“Hi there,” Sami cooed as John placed the tiny bundle in her arms.  “My goodness, aren’t you tiny.  You forget how tiny they are when they’re newborn, don’t you?” she turned to Marlena.

 

“You really do,” Marlena nodded her head with a proud smile.  “I remember when you and Eric were that size.  I remember how the day they placed you in my arms was the happiest, proudest day of my life.”

 

Sami said nothing for the longest moment as the baby stretched out his hand and waved it around.  But when she looked up, Marlena could see that her eyes were glistening even as she smiled. 

 

“It’s the greatest feeling, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes it is, and I’ve cherished it each and every time.”  Marlena shared a private smile with her eldest daughter.

 

“He’s beautiful,” Sami looked back down at the baby.  “He looks a lot like you, John.”

 

“Nooo, don’t say that!” John joked as he perched himself on the edge of the bed and slipped his arm around Marlena.  “Poor kid doesn’t deserve a curse like that!.”

 

“You idiot,” Marlena hit him gently.  “Sami, your *other* brother is in the crib.”

 

“Oh,” Sami slid off the bed and went to stand over the crib.  “Oh gosh, how cute is he?”

 

“About as cute as your Mom,” John replied as he grinned stupidly at Marlena.

 

“Oh you,” Marlena said, almost shyly as he leaned over to kiss her.

 

“You two!” Sami exclaimed.  “Keep it G-rated, will you?  There are youngsters present.”

 

“Can’t help it,” John shrugged nonchalantly.  “I’m *crazy* about her.”

 

“John, honey,” Marlena giggled, “you’re just crazy, period.”

 

“If I am, then you’re my salvation, baby,” he returned with an air of seriousness that stole the smile from Marlena’s lips and left her heart pounding against her ribs.

 

“So, when are you going to tell Granma and Grandpa and the rest of the family the truth about you two?” Sami moved back to the bed, cradling ‘tyke one’ in her arms.  “I can’t *wait* to see Eric’s face.  He’s gonna just *die*.”

 

“Well, we were just talking about it,” Marlena looked at John.  “I guess it would be easier to tell them all together, wouldn’t it?”

 

“I guess so,” John frowned.  The idea of repeating the bizarre story over and over didn’t really hold much appeal.

 

“Hang on,” Sami raised her eyebrows.  “I’ve got an idea.  Why don’t we have a family get-together when you go home, and you can tell everybody then?  It could be kind of a welcome-home, welcome to the family party.”  She shrugged with an expectant look on her pretty face.  “What do you think?”

 

“What are we supposed to say until then Sami?” Marlena asked carefully.

 

“Oh, well,” Sami’s demeanor fell,” I don’t know.  I guess… you could just stall their questions and tell them you’ll explain everything in due course.” She cocked her head on one side.  “I mean, after everything that’s happened, it’s not like they’ll be camping out on your doorstep looking for answers.  I’m sure they’ll be happy enough if you ask them to wait a couple of days.”

 

“She has a point Doc,” John shrugged casually.  Marlena returned his look with an uncertain one of her own and then looked at ‘tyke two’ in his crib.  Coming to some kind of resolution, she looked at her daughter.  “Okay Sami, but I’ll have to play it by ear.  I don’t want to lie to people any longer.  I’ve had enough of that.”

 

“You shouldn’t need to,” Sami said gently.  “Just do like I said.  Tell them that you’ll explain everything, but in a few days when you’re feeling a little more up to it.  I’m *sure* they’ll understand.  And if they don’t,” she gave them a sunny smile, “Dad and I can run interference if you need it.  Let’s face it, after what you’ve been through recently, this is like a walk in the park!”

 

“Thanks baby girl,” Marlena returned her smile.  She was right of course.  After everything that had happened in the last few months, this was the good stuff.  It was time they had a break and she knew that the family was going to be thrilled about this.  So why sweat the small stuff? 

 

After all, everything from here on out was going to go right, she just had a feeling about it.  She and John were finally together, they had all their children safe and sound….  Her positivity dampened slightly as she thought about Carrie.  Well, *almost* all their children….  But even despite the situation with Carrie, things were finally looking like they were starting to go right, and she wasn’t going to spend one more minute than she had to, worrying about things that might never happened.

 

After all, when Kristen gone and their children safe, what could go wrong now….?

 

Chapter 141 – Veto

 

 

“No way Doc!” John shook his head with utter certainty. “Absolutely *no* way.”

“Excuse me?” Marlena blinked, her expression a mixture of surprise and irritation. “And since when did you tell me what to do?”

“Since obviously you lost the ability to make rational decisions for yourself.” John looked exasperated. One of the babies gave a small wail in his crib and both his parents froze. But when he settled, Marlena went back to glaring at John.

“John, it’s *not* a big deal,” she said convincingly.

“Marlena, you went through a *very* traumatic experience yesterday and you’ve been under a strain for months now.” He came close to her, and his voice softened. “I don’t want to pull rank on you, Doc, but I will if you insist on thinking you can go home today. There’s *no* way I’m going to let you run yourself ragged because you think you have to be some kind of superwoman…”

“It’s not about me thinking I have to be superwoman, John,” she sighed. “I just think I’d feel a lot more comfortable at home, that’s all. You *know* how I am about being in hospital.”

“I do know baby, but the twins…” he shook his head. “You need to take advantage of having the nurses around for a few days while you get, while *we* get used to looking after these twinners.” He reached out and drew his finger down the side of her cheek tenderly. “It’s been a while for both of us; I think we probably need a little time to get used to it.”

“I’m a mother, John,” Marlena argued stubbornly. “I *know* how to deal with twins, I’ve done it before, remember?”

“And how old are Sami and Eric now?” John replied pointedly. “Look, I’m not going to have this argument with you, Doc. I’ll get Mike and Dr. Robbins in here and *they* can tell you you’re not going home if you’d like.”

“God, you always have to get your own way, don’t you?” She was getting exasperated now.

“Yup.” John nodded with a tiny grin. “Kinda reminds me of someone else I know.”

“All I want to do is *go* *home*,” she snapped grumpily. “I didn’t think you were going to make a federal case out of it.”

“In case you’d forgotten, Marlena,” John’s tone firmed up, “you *gave birth* yesterday. After Kristen tried to…” He shook his head as his stomach contracted. The pain of knowing what had almost happened to the woman he loved so intensely, and his culpability in that, would always be with him.

“I’m *quite* aware of everything that happened yesterday, thank you,” Marlena replied stiffly. She couldn’t believe that John was being this obtuse. All she needed now was familiarity and comfort and she wasn’t going to get that in the hospital.

“All right,” John nodded. “Why don’t we talk about what happened yesterday then?”

“Why don’t we *not* talk about what happened yesterday?” Marlena returned shortly. The last thing she felt like doing was rehashing the nightmare that was her encounter with Kristen.

“Sweetheart,” one corner of John’s mouth turned downwards into a half-frown, “don’t you think that it’s something you need to deal with?”

“I have dealt with it,” Marlena assured him. “You don’t need to play shrink with me, John.”

“You’ve dealt with it.” John repeated disbelievingly. “You’ve dealt with the fact that Kristen tried to…”

“Yes, John.” Marlena nodded tersely. “Kristen tried to *kill* me. See, I can say it, even if you can’t. So, there we go. Maybe *you’re* the one that needs to deal with it.”

“Oh, c’mon Doc,” tenderness tempered his voice. “I don’t mean to make you angry. I’m trying to help you sweetheart.”

“Well, you’re not,” Marlena glared at him angrily, struggling to hold back the tears. “I just want to leave the past where it belongs. Right now, all I want to do is go home and start my future with you and our children. The very *last* think I want to do is dwell on *Kristen* or anything that happened in the past.”

“Well, how about the fact that we’re actually finally together,” John whispered. “Why don’t you dwell on that for a few minutes?”

“It’s the one thing that makes the past year bearable,” she replied, failing to contain the tears that tumbled over her pale cheeks. “To finally have you in my life, loving me. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“It’s all I ever wanted too, baby.” He pulled her into his arms and held her close as she wrapped her own forearms around his neck and laid her cheek against the warmth of his sweatshirt. “I love you so much, Doc. All I want to do is make you happy and keep you safe. I’m sorry if that makes me too overprotective. I just can’t help it honey.”

“I know.” The soft cotton of his sweatshirt muffled her voice, and he bent his head to press a kiss against the soft gold of her hair.

“Will you humour me, Doc, and stay here for another day or two?” he asked in a quiet voice.

There was a small pause from Marlena as she considered his request and then she sighed gently.

“If it makes you happy honey, then I’ll stay.”

“It will definitely make me happy,” John tightened his hold on her. “Most definitely.”

 

******

 

The heavy scent of blooming roses overlaid the air in the penthouse as Q sat heavily on the bottom step of the staircase. It certainly looked like a different place to the previous day. There were some mundane chores that he certainly didn’t miss now that he was a Q again. But even the sight of a newly clean penthouse did nothing to lift his spirits.

 

In truth, it was guilt rather than any kind of self-induced melancholy that had him so glum. No matter which way he looked at it, it was his fault that Marlena had been almost killed. After all, he had left her, had given in to her insistence, finding it easier than to do her bidding than to argue with her. He had played right into Kristen’s hands, and he had left Marlena alone and vulnerable to Kristen’s psychotic overtures.

 

The fact that she was ultimately safe and was even now, holding her new-born babies in her arms did nothing to quell his self-reproach. He didn’t have any idea how he was going to face her, knowing that after everything, after all his words in sincerity and in jest, he had failed to protect her from harm. Knowing that his own sheer idiocy had almost gotten her killed.

 

His head snapped up at the sound of a knock on the door and he frowned. Who in the multiverse would be knocking on Marlena’s door at this time of the morning? He briefly considered just ignoring whoever it was until he heard Laura’s voice.

“Eugene? I know you’re there. I need to talk to you.”

 

He sighed heavily and rubbed his fingers across his weary face before he snapped his fingers, unlocking the door.

“Come in, Laura,” he issued the invitation against his better judgement.

 

Laura stepped across the threshold of the apartment and looked at her new friend. She had heard the entire story, or as much of it as he knew, from Mike an hour ago and after calling the hospital and ascertaining that Eugene was not there, she had come straight by Marlena’s apartment.

 

It wasn’t that she knew him all that well yet, it was more a feeling she had. A feeling that he needed a friend right now. Because while John and Marlena were feeling the joy of holding their new children in their arms, Eugene was more likely to be dwelling on what had happened the day before. And blaming himself for it.

“I’m on my way to the hospital,” she said without pause. “I thought you might like some company on the way over.”

“I’m not going to the hospital,” Q replied tersely.

“And why not?” Laura lifted her brows as though she had no idea what Eugene was talking about. “I happen to know that Marlena will want to see you.”

 

There was a small silence as Q absorbed her words and felt the roiling in his stomach.

“I can’t.” He said simply.

“Can’t?” Laura took several steps towards him. “Or won’t?”

 

Q stared up at her resentfully. He didn’t want to go there now, didn’t want to think any more about how he had failed Marlena, how he had almost gotten her killed.

“I can’t face her,” he said eventually. “She’s better off without me there anyway. This is her time with her family.”

“Do you want to tell me why you feel you can’t face her?” Laura asked as she came to stand in front of him.

“Do you want to stop playing shrink?” Q snapped in return.

“It’s a perfectly reasonable question, Eugene,” Laura seemed totally unfazed. “You are one of Marlena’s dearest friends. I would think she would want to share her joy at the birth of her children with you. Don’t you?”

“And why would she want to do that when I’m the one who almost got her killed?” Q asked bitterly. “How can I go into her room and look into her eyes and not be constantly reminded that it was my fault that she almost lost her life?”

“How was it your fault?” Laura asked carefully.

“Because *I* left her alone. I knew how much danger she was in, and I left her here. Alone and unprotected.” He buried his face in his hands, hating himself for a myriad of reasons. Hating himself for leaving her, hating himself for feeling so wretched, hating himself for being so piteous and weak as to be swamped in self-pity.

“You went to try and help John and Roman.” Laura clarified. “You were trying to do the right thing and you made a mistake. I don’t see where the problem is here.”

“The problem is Marlena almost *died* because of my mistake,” Q snarled. “I *failed* her.” He sighed lengthily. He had failed Marlena and almost failed humanity’s future in the process. How could these people be expected to understand what rested on the shoulders of Marlena and her babies? Not now, or in the near future, but generations forthwith. They couldn’t, and they shouldn’t. The ramifications were too great. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“Maybe I don’t,” Laura replied curtly. “But here’s what I understand. In your guilt, you’ll be punishing Marlena. She’s going to want to share her joy with her friends. You will be avoiding her, and she will blame herself for your guilt because it was Marlena that asked you to help John. Because of your self-pity and selfishness, you’ll take the gloss off what should be one of the happiest days of her life. Is that what you really want?”

 

Eugene looked up at Laura in surprise, his cinnamon eyes expressing his astonishment that she should be so harsh with him. And his grudging admission that she was, of course, right. He was being self-indulgent, and it would be Marlena that suffered if he didn’t pull himself together. However much he blamed himself for what had happened yesterday, she shouldn’t be the one that paid the price of his guilt.

“No,” he said quietly. “That’s not what I want at all.”

“Good,” Laura’s expression softened as she held out her hand. “Let’s go then.”

 

 

******

 

“Well, hi there!” Lucie stood in the doorway and shifted Belle on her hip.

“Oh hi!” Marlena’s face was transformed with delight as her eyes settled on her children. “Goodness, it’s *so* good to see you two!” She laughed as Brady ran to her bed and climbed nimbly to sit on the bedclothes beside her.

“We missed you, Momma,” he said simply. “You, okay?”

“I’m just fine sweetie boy,” Marlena stroked the chestnut brown hair and Brady looked up at her through impossibly thick lashes. “Where’s Daddy?”

“Here slugger,” John piped up from where he stood behind Lucie. “I just went to get your Mommy a cup of tea.” He looked at the young woman who had moved aside and grinned despite his niggling misgivings. “Hi Lucie, thanks for bringing them over.”

“I couldn’t *wait*!” Lucie let out a giggle. “I desperately want to see my newest charges.”

“Mommy?” Belle frowned. “Where your tummy go?” She leaned her head on one side as though trying to work out a particularly complicated puzzle.

“Oh,” Marlena looked down at her stomach, which was a lot less prominent than a couple of days previously. “Well, you know how we told you that there was a baby inside Mommy’s tummy? A little brother or sister for you?” Belle nodded, waiting for the explanation. She already knew this. What she didn’t know was what had happened to her baby brother or sister.

“Well, the baby came out last night,” Marlena said with a gentle smile.

“You two kids have *two* brand new baby brothers.” John finished for her as he lifted Brady from the bed. “Wanna come and meet them slugger?”

“Uh-huh,” Brady nodded his head swiftly as John carried him over to the baby’s cribs with Lucie and Belle in tow.

 

Marlena watched them with an indulgent smile as the children peered into the cribs.

“Dey’s wittle!” Belle stated in obvious fascination.

“You were that little once pumpkin girl,” John ruffled the little girl’s blonde locks.

“Lordy, aren’t they just the cutest little things!” Lucie shook her head. “They look so tiny and helpless in those big cribs.” She reached down with her free hand and drew the tip of her finger over the dark, downy hair of one of the babies. But the child let out a forceful wail and she quickly withdrew her hand with a sideways glance at Marlena.

“What are they called Daddy?” Brady asked as the baby quieted again.

“Ummm,” John looked over at Marlena who shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know Brady, we haven’t really thought about names for them yet.”
“You haven’t thought about names?” Lucie looked almost bemused. “How on earth do you know which one you’re talking about?”

“We don’t,” Marlena laughed. “They’re Tyke One and Tyke Two at the moment.”

“Or just the twinners,” John added. “No need for differentiation just yet. Only when it comes to feeding time and then it’s usually just the one that’s crying.”

“All extremely scientific,” Marlena’s eyes fixed on Belle who was looking a little troubled. “Don’t suppose you have a hug for Momma, do you sweetie girl?” Belle nodded and Lucie deposited her on her mother’s lap with a happy grin.

 

Marlena hugged Belle to her and after a moment, the little girl relaxed.

“I want you and Brady to know that just because you have two new brothers, it doesn’t mean Daddy and I love you any less. We have plenty of love to go around for all of you. Things are going to change a little at home because the babies will be coming to live with us.  But the *really* good news is that Daddy is coming to live with us too.”

“All the time?” Brady’s face brightened expectantly.

“Yeah, all the time Brady,” John hugged his small son close. “We’re going to be a real family from now on. Your Mom and I are going to get married and we’ll all be one big happy family.”

“Well, that sounds like some of the best news I’ve heard all year!” Marlena looked up at the familiar voice and her smile widened as she saw Laura and Eugene standing in the doorway. “I’m *so* happy for you all.”

“Thanks Laura,” John moved to the bed and set Brady down next to his little sister. The young boy scrambled into Marlena’s arms, and she folded them around him, dropping a kiss on his warm head.

“Mmmmm, thanks Laura.” Laura knew Marlena wasn’t only thanking her for her words. She was perceptive enough to know why Eugene hadn’t been here this morning and she’d obviously deduced that Laura had persuaded him to come.

“Any time,” Laura stepped into the room and her eyes alighted on the twin cribs. “Can I see them?”

“Could we stop you?” John joked.

“Nope.” Laura grinned as she dropped her purse on the chair by the door and went to look at the twins.

“Gene.” Marlena said nothing else, but there were a multitude of invitations and explanations in that single word.

“Hi,” he replied uncertainly as he hovered on the threshold of the room.

“I wanted to thank you,” she offered the words with a determination that surprised Q.

“Thank me?” he seemed genuinely confused.

“For everything you’ve done for us,” she said by way of explanation. “To bring us to this point.”

“You are thanking me?” His brow sprang into deep furrows as he gripped the doorknob with blanched fingers. “After all the times I screwed up?  You want to *thank* me?”

“We’re here,” Marlena barely shrugged, but the gesture was there. “We’re safe and our children are safe. I couldn’t ask any more than that.”

“That’s not down to me,” his voice was choked in his throat as he looked at her. “I don’t know how you can think it is, after yesterday.”

“I *made* you go,” Marlena had obviously thought this over. “I gave you no choice. The fact that I was alone is *my* fault and my fault only. But you and John came in time to save me and for that, my dear friend, and for so much more, I need to thank you.”

“We both do,” John added. “I know we’ve had our differences, but I also know we wouldn’t all be here now if it wasn’t for you. So, thanks from me too.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Q blinked unceremoniously.

“All in a day’s work for you, isn’t it Gene?” Lucie grinned as he looked at her sharply.

“It’s a little more than that, Lucie.” Marlena hadn’t missed the undercurrent of friction that had run between Eugene and Lucie with that comment, and it concerned her slightly.

“Just makin’ an observation,” Lucie shrugged.

“Uh, Laura, could I have a word for a moment?” John asked quietly enough that no-one else in the room could hear him.

“Sure,” she looked at the doorway. “Outside?”

“Mmmmm-hmmm.” He slipped out of the room as unobtrusively as possible as Marlena and Lucie talked to Belle and Brady.

“Is something wrong, John?” Laura leaned against the wall and crossed her arms.

“I… I don’t know if it’s *wrong*…” John shrugged hesitantly, unsure if he was doing the right thing in involving Laura. But he couldn’t stand back and do nothing, he knew that much. “It’s just that Marlena won’t talk about what happened yesterday. It must have been awful for her, but she just won’t talk about it. She’ll barely admit that it even happened.” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair wearily. It had been a long day and a long night following and he wasn’t even sure he was thinking straight anymore. “She keeps saying she wants to look to the future but Laura, I don’t see how she can do that if she doesn’t acknowledge what happened.”

“I think you’re probably right,” Laura nodded finally. “You know Marlena probably better than anyone and you know that she’s holding this inside, for whatever reasons.” She reached out to John in sympathy, squeezing his hand. “I suspect you could do with talking about it too.”

“Once Doc is okay,” John nodded, “once I know that she’s okay….”

“I’ll talk to her.” Laura knew instinctively that the best person for John to talk to was Marlena. But if she was in denial about this whole situation it wasn’t going to make things easy for either of them. “It may be that she’s just not ready to talk about it, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks Laura,” John’s wavering smile signalled his relief. “I really appreciate it.”

“Any time,” Laura gave him a small hug. “You just get the rest of them out of the room, and I’ll see if I can get her to loosen up a little.”

“Done,” John turned for the doorway and then looked back at Laura. “Be gentle with her Laura. She’s been through a lot.”

“I know she has,” Laura nodded and patted John on the arm. “And she’ll be just fine. You all will. I promise you that.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 142 – Strong

 

 

“Goodness, sometimes I wonder how babies can sleep through all that noise!” Marlena looked over at her boys and sighed softly.  “One day they’re this age and all they do is sleep and eat the next day you turn around and they’re Belle’s age and they never want to sleep or eat anything that’s vaguely good for them.”

 

“They do grow fast, don’t they?” Laura looked into the cribs and smiled at the sight of the peaceful babies.

 

“I wouldn’t give up a day of it,” Marlena threw back her covers and slipped out of the bed, coming to stand next to Laura.  Reaching her hand into one of the cribs, she stroked a tiny cheek with a maternal finger.  “I couldn’t be happier, Laura.”

 

“You’re certainly a lucky woman,” Laura agreed, looking at her good friend. “Especially considering how different things *could* have been.”  Her voice softened as she saw Marlena flinch, almost involuntarily.  “Mike told me what happened yesterday.”

 

“Well, things aren’t different,” Marlena said, a little more harshly than she intended.  “Everything is fine now, it’s all over and I don’t want to dwell on it.”  She managed a smile for Laura’s sake before she went back to studying her babies.  “I have so much to be grateful for.  I just want to look forward to a wonderful future with my family.  That’s all.” 

 

“That’s all?”  Laura raised her eyebrows, knowing full well what Marlena was trying to do.

 

“Mmmmm-hmmm.” Marlena nodded, ignoring Laura’s scrutiny.  “It’s not the first time I’ve survived a trauma, Laura.  And it probably won’t be the last.”

 

“How does that make you feel?” Laura took the opening that Marlena had inadvertently given her.

 

“No… don’t do this to me, Laura,” Marlena shook her head angrily.  “I don’t need therapy.”

 

“I never said you did,” Laura’s gentle fingers closed around Marlena’s arm.  “I just want to help you and I think you’re not admitting to me, or probably even yourself, that you need help.  You need to deal with what happened, honey, before you can move on.”

 

“Did John put you up to this?” Marlena demanded, unappeased by Laura’s explanation.

 

“John is concerned about you,” Laura replied unapologetically.  “And I’m concerned about *both* of you.”  She frowned and crossed her arms, turning to face Marlena.  “What you went through yesterday was exceedingly traumatic.  For both of you.  Kristen tried to kill you.  You could have died.  And John was frightened he was going to lose you.  You know as well as I do that those sorts of traumas can leave scars on your soul.” Love and concern softened her features.  “You can’t just put it to one side and pretend nothing happened.”

 

“Actually, yes I can,” Marlena replied frigidly, “And what’s more, I’m going to.  Kristen is dead, it’s all over and I have no intention of dredging it all up again.”  She turned away from Laura and went to the doorway of her room.  There was no sign of Belle and Brady, no sign of anyone who could intervene for her in this unwanted discussion.  “I just want to forget about it, Laura.  That’s all.”

 

 

******

 

 

“Okay, Rocky Road for you, slugger,” John handed Brady an overloaded cone, “and butter pecan for the little princess here.” He grinned as Belle snatched the ice-cream from his hand.  “You kids don’t get that ice-cream everywhere now, will you?”

 

“You do realize you’re asking the impossible,” Lucie’s laughter followed in the wake of her words as she watched Brady try and get his little mouth around an entire scoop of ice-cream.

 

“Yes, that I do.”  John’s brilliant eyes sparkled as he watched Belle giggle at the sight of Brady’s antics.  “And of course, you do realize that I’m about to entrust them to your brilliant care while I sort out some business?”

 

“Oh no!” Lucie feigned mock horror.

 

“Yup,” John pulled his cell phone from his pocket.  “The ice-cream faces are all yours.”

 

“Gee, thanks.”  Lucie looked over at Eugene who was watching the children, seemingly lost in his own world.  “I think I’ll see if I can go pawn them off on Uncle Gene.”

 

“Good luck,” John’s smile fell from his face as he looked at Q.  “Somehow I don’t think he’s much in the mood for company right now.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry,” Lucie winked at him.  “I can handle him.”

 

John watched her as she made her away across to where Eugene sat, and he saw the expression of discomfort cross Q’s face.  He couldn’t say that he disagreed with the man.  There was something about that girl… something he couldn’t quite put his finger on, but she made him uneasy. 

 

He looked thoughtfully at his phone.  It was probably just his paranoia making him suspicious.  She’d given them no reason to dislike her and besides, what could he do about it anyway?  Marlena seemed perfectly happy to have her in the house and the children seemed to love her.  So where was the problem?

 

Shrugging, he turned away and dialed the number he had obtained earlier in the morning.  If this was to work out, it would be a very nice homecoming for his family.

 

 

******

 

 

“Can you?” Laura asked perceptively.  “Can you really forget about what happened?  Are you telling me that when you close your eyes you don’t replay it in your head?  That you don’t remember the terror you were feeling when Kristen held that knife on you?”

 

“Laura, just *leave* it!” Marlena snapped uncharacteristically.  “I don’t need this.  I don’t need your pop-tart psychology, I just wish you’d mind your own business.”

 

“I can’t do that, Marlena,” Laura’s voice deepened with concern as she neared Marlena.  “I care too much about you to let you do this to yourself.”

 

“Oh Laura, I’m sorry,” her shoulders slumped as she turned back to the room.  “I didn’t mean that, really I didn’t.”

 

“I know you didn’t,” Laura said soothingly, “but the fact that you did say it tells me that this is really bothering you because you’re trying to suppress your real feelings about what happened and pretend everything is all right.”  She took Marlena’s hand and held it tightly.  “Marlena, honey, it was attempted *murder*.  You can’t just put a band aid on that and expect it to be okay.  It’s going to come back to haunt you and it’s going to affect you and John *and* your children if you don’t sort this out know.  You *know* that, so why are you trying so hard to fight it?”

 

“Laura, this was supposed to be the happiest day of my life,” Marlena’s voice trembled with fragility.  “We want to be able to tell our friends and family that we’re back together and share our joy with them.  But instead, I have to tell them how Kristen died because I was trying to defend myself while she was trying to kill me.  Do you have any idea how that feels?”

 

“No, I don’t,” Laura replied gently.  “Why don’t you tell me?”

 

“Laura, I can’t *do* this!”  Marlena tore from Laura’s grasp and made it across the room to her bed before she gave into the dizziness, propping herself up on the bed with wavering arms.  One of the twins gave a raucous wail, as though roused by his mother’s distress, and almost immediately, the other baby joined him, battering Marlena’s already frail self-control.

 

“Excuse me, Allie,” Laura caught the attention of a nurse that was walking by the room.  “I think Dr. Evans could use a little time out.  Could you please arrange to have the babies taken to the nursery for a couple of hours?”

 

“Sure thing Dr. Horton,” the petite nurse nodded, her dark hair bouncing with her head.  “I’ll do it right away.”

 

“*No*!” Marlena glared at Laura in outrage.  “Laura, how *dare* you decide where my babies should be.”

 

“Because *I’m* a doctor and you, right now, are a patient.  And because I don’t think that right at this very moment, you are in any fit state to take care of those babies.” Laura said firmly.

 

“They’re my babies,” Marlena looked as though she was about to burst into tears.  “They’re not safe down there.”

 

“It’s only for a couple of hours.” Laura told her gently.  “It’s the middle of the day.  Nothing is going to happen to them.  I promise you that.”

 

“How can you be sure of that?” Marlena’s attention was distracted as two nurses came into the room.  The fact that she knew both of them on a first name basis eased her fears slightly.  But still, the fear gnawed at her, and her stomach clenched.  “I don’t want them to go.”

 

“They’re going.” Laura affirmed as she turned to the nurses.  “Please make sure that there’s someone watching these babies at all times.  For Dr. Evans peace of mind.”

 

“No problem,” Faith, the blonde nurse, nodded.  “I’m on a break now, so I’ll stay with them.”

 

“Thank you, Faith.” Marlena breathed her relief almost audibly.  “I appreciate it.”

 

“Any time Dr. Evans,” Faith lifted a dark-haired baby into her arms.  “They’re just adorable, I’m quite happy to spend time with ’em.”

 

 

******

 

 

“So…” Lucie climbed onto the cafeteria table that Q was sitting on and plopped herself down next to him.  “I guess this all changes things quite a bit huh?”

 

“What does?”

 

“Kristen, kicking the bucket.”  She saw his confused look and grinned mischievously.  “You know…. shuffling off this mortal coil.  Croaking. Biting the big one-“

 

“I *know* what you’re talking about,” Q said irritably.  “But what do you mean it changes things?”

 

“Well, John and Marlena, of course.”  Lucie swung her legs under the table like a big kid as she watched Brady chase Belle around the near-empty cafeteria. “I mean, now he doesn’t have to go running off to make sure Kristen’s not getting into trouble every five minutes anymore.  All worked out quite nicely for them if you ask me.”

 

“Nicely?” Q’s forehead buckled in time with his frown as he turned to Lucie.  “She almost *killed* Marlena and you think it all went *nicely*?”

“Well, apart from that…” Lucie said blithely.  “Anyway, I said it *worked out* nicely.  Now they get to be together and no watching their backs for the next time Kristen pulls a stunt and no nasty custody battles or anything….”

 

She sighed happily and leaned her head on one side.  And then, as though the thought was just striking her, she lifted her head again and looked at Q.

 

“Kinda leaves you out in the cold though, doesn’t it?” she looked quite innocent, but Q knew there was more hidden behind the façade and for a moment he looked at her with suspicious eyes. 

 

“I mean, you don’t have to protect her now,” Lucie carried on, seemingly not caring about the scrutiny she was under.  “John will be there all the time.  You get to go back to being just a friend.”  Her eyebrows were naturally fair and the right one arched in a beautifully symmetric curve. “Do you think you can do that?”

“I’ve been Marlena’s friend since you were a child,” he replied stiffly, his eyes carefully examining her for any kind of reaction.  “I think I can manage.”

 

There was definitely something about her, something that tugged on his senses, setting off alarms that he couldn’t quite hear.  But there was no indication that she was Q.  And surely if she had been Q, there would have been no way he could miss it.  Not after living with her for so long.  Q couldn’t hide their true selves from the Continuum.  The Q consciousness was simply too interlinked.  Maybe, if a Q fled to the farthest corner of the galaxy, they could hope to escape the analysis of the Continuum… but not when they were sitting next to another Q.

 

“Oh well,” Lucie shrugged, “if you say so.”

 

“I *do*.” So if she wasn’t a Q… then maybe she was just a particularly annoying individual human.  After all, humans were particularly annoying as a race. There was nothing to say that a particularly obnoxious one couldn’t rub him up completely the wrong way.  John did, after all.

 

“You keep telling yourself that Genie boy,” she grinned as she slipped off the table.  “Maybe one day, you’ll believe it.  Don’t count on anybody else buying it though.”

 

******

 

 

“Okay then,” Laura closed the door behind her.  “It’s just you and me now.  No-one else to pretend for.  No-one to be strong for.”

 

Marlena looked over at Laura with haunted eyes and for a moment Laura wondered if she’d pushed Marlena just a little too far.

 

“Honey, it’s okay.  It’s all going to be okay, you do know that don’t you?”

 

“As long as Stefano is out there, it’s *never* going to be okay, Laura,” Marlena shuddered, her arms achingly empty.  She had never wanted to hold her babies more than she did at this moment.

 

“Stefano can’t get in here,” Laura neared Marlena with caution.  “He can’t hurt you.”

 

“That’s what they said about Kristen,” Marlena sucked in a lungful of air, trying to keep a hold of her emotions.  “John and Gene, they promised me so many times that it was going to be okay, that she wouldn’t hurt me again…”

 

“They didn’t know Marlena,” Laura sat on the bed beside her.  “They couldn’t have known.  They made a mistake.”

 

“*No*,” Marlena shook her head.  “It was *me*.  *I* made the mistake.  I should have *known*, Laura.  I should have been able to do something….”

 

“Honey, *how* could you know?” Laura shook her head, her moss-green eyes shaded with concern.  “She was insane.  How could you predict *anything* that was going on in her head?”

 

“I’m a psychiatrist Laura,” Marlena replied harshly.  “It’s my *job* to know, to predict people’s behavior.”

 

“Not when you’re so involved in a situation.”  Laura shook her head.  “There was way too much at stake for you to be objective.”

 

“That’s cold comfort Laura,” Marlena gave a snort of disgust.  “When the lives of my children are at stake, I can’t *afford* to make excuses.”

 

“What about *your* life?” Laura asked briskly.  “Weren’t you frightened for your *own* life?”

 

“Of course I-,” Marlena looked across at Laura and pursed her lips.  “This isn’t getting us anywhere.”

 

“Why are you being so damn stubborn, Marlena?” Laura demanded brutally.  “Was it *really* that terrifying that you don’t think you could survive reliving it?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Marlena slid off the bed and went to the window, feeling strangely short of breath.

 

“Well then, what are you so afraid of?” Laura asked feeling an ache in her heart for Marlena’s obvious pain.  “Do you really want to wake up at night screaming with nightmares because this won’t leave you alone?”

 

“That’s *exactly* what I’m afraid of Laura,” Marlena turned back to her, terrified eyes glassy with tears.  “I *can’t* let the fear in because I’m afraid if I do, it’ll never go away.”

 

“But she’s *dead*, honey,” Laura came to the window and folded her fingers around Marlena’s chilled digits.  “She can’t hurt you anymore.”

 

“She is, but her father isn’t.”  Marlena’s free hand curled into a little ball.

 

“You think he’s going to want to exact some kind of revenge?” Laura asked, surprised that the thought hadn’t already occurred to her.

 

“He already does,” Marlena replied quietly.  “If John’s right and he was the one that set Carrie up to kill him…”  A tiny intake of breath shuddered through her chest.  “Who is he going to blame for Kristen’s death?”

 

“Logically?” Laura knew it was a moot point, but she was going to make it anyway.  It couldn’t hurt, surely.  “He should know no-one is to blame.  It was Kristen’s own warped insanity that put her in the morgue.  No-one else had a whole lot to do with that, and you know it, Marlena.”

 

“*I* know it,” Marlena shrugged, the fragile gesture only accentuating her vulnerability, “but since when did Stefano ever apply logic to *anything*?”

 

“It must have been terrifying,” Laura said softly, returning to the main point of the conversation.  “To be faced with her, with that knife… knowing that she wanted you dead.”

 

“Knowing that she’d already killed that sweet nurse that John had hired…” Marlena paled noticeably. 

 

“You have no idea, Laura.  I thought I was…” she took a shaky breath, fighting off the tears as best she could.  “She locked the door and there was no way out.  She just kept coming for me and she wouldn’t stop.  And yeah, she wanted me dead, she made no bones about that.”

 

“You thought you were going to die, didn’t you?” Laura went back to Marlena’s unspoken words, gently probing that little bit deeper.  “You thought that after everything that had happened, after everything that you had done to keep the babies safe, she was going to win, and you were going to lose everything.”

 

Beside her, Marlena tensed and through her hand, Laura could feel the tremor that filtered through her body.  And still, she didn’t give in.

 

“C’mon Marlena, tell me.  You know it will help.  You know I won’t hurt you.  What happens in this room, stays in this room.”

 

“Oh God,” Marlena choked back the tears, the terror of the previous day starting to revisit her.  “She had… she had her hands around my throat and there was just nowhere to go, Laura.  I felt so helpless, and I hated her but I couldn’t stop her….” she lost the battle and her resolve crumbled, the tears coursing down her face as she gripped Laura’s hand for dear life. “…I just couldn’t stop her.”

 

“I know, honey,” Laura slipped her arm around Marlena’s shoulder and hugged her as Marlena sobbed.  “I know….”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 143 – Rumblings

 

 

“John!”

 

He was brought up short by the sound of Laura’s voice behind him.

 

“Laura, is she-” A sudden fear surged through his consciousness.

 

“She’s fine, but she’s exhausted.  She needs some sleep.”  Laura’s heels clicked on the linoleum as she led John to a row of seats by the wall.  “I got her to talk.  It wasn’t easy but she finally gave in.”

 

“Do you…” John looked across at the closed door to Marlena’s room.  “Do you think it helped?”

 

“I think, ultimately, it will,” Laura leaned back in the chair and ran her hand through her hair in a disclosure of her own weariness.  “I just think it’s going to take a while before she feels safe again.”

 

John looked down at the floor and scuffed at a dirty mark with his toe.

 

“If I could get my hands on Stefano and put that old bastard behind bars, she *would* be safe.”

 

“She’s afraid he’s going to seek some kind of revenge,” Laura said softly.  She didn’t think Marlena would mind her divulging that to John.  It was a very real fear, after all.

 

“She’s probably right to,” John sighed.  “At least if she realizes the danger, she might not be so damn stubborn all the time.”

 

“John, you know Marlena,” Laura managed the hint of a smile, “she’ll always be stubborn.”

 

“I know,” John replied grimly, “and it gets her into trouble.”

 

“Do you blame her for what happened yesterday?” Laura asked curiously.  “I mean, for sending Eugene to you instead of letting him stay with her at the penthouse.”

 

“*Blame* her?” John looked shocked for a moment and then thoughtful.  “No, of course I don’t blame her.  Does she think that I think this was her fault?”

 

“I can’t really tell you what she thinks, John,” Laura smiled regretfully.  “That’s not my place.”

 

“Confidentiality,” he nodded and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the wall.  “*Damn* the DiMeras!  When will they stop screwing with our lives?”

 

“I don’t know, John,” Laura shrugged.  “That’s your department, not mine.”

 

“Not doing a great job at it, am I?” he asked miserably.

 

“Hey, you have two beautiful sons and a woman who loves you as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.  I don’t think you’re doing too badly,” she said gently.  “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

John was silent as he looked at the door to Marlena’s room. 

 

“You said she’s sleeping?”

 

“Mmm-hmmm,” Laura nodded.  “The babies are down in the nursery and one of the nurses is staying with them.”  She could see John’s concern as he watched the silent room.  “She’s okay John, she’ll be okay.  Just give her some time and be gentle with her.”

 

“I will,” he nodded.  “Believe me, Laura, I’ll do anything it takes.  I’d do anything at all for her.”

 

“I know you would.”

 

Laura couldn’t help the smile that sprang to her lips at John’s devotion to the woman he loved.  Marlena had what most women dream of their whole lives, a man who would do anything, even literally die for her.  It was such a rare and profound love they shared, it made Laura almost believe in fairytales to see them together.

 

“You know John, if you feel like *you* want to talk…” she paused, knowing that if he talked to anyone, it would be Marlena.  Still, she had to offer.  “You know where I am.”

 

There was silence from John again as he turned back to Laura and nodded.

 

“Thanks.  But I know who I need to talk to.”  He patted the back of Laura’s hand and stood.  “When Marlena wakes, tell her I’ll be back as soon as I can, would you?”

 

“Of course,” Laura nodded but she couldn’t quite cover her surprise.  “Can I tell her where…”

 

“It’s kinda private.” John interrupted.  “Just tell her I’m okay and I’ll see her soon.”

 

 

******

 

 

It’s true. The police report says that Ms. DiMera had a knife.  A kitchen carving knife.  She carved up the nurse all right.  A pretty mess at John Black’s loft by all accounts.

 

And what happened at Dr. Evans’ apartment?

 

Your girl went in with the knife.  She set Black and Bradford up so that the doc would be the only one there.  We’re still waiting for Dr. Evans’ statement, but it seems that she was trying to defend herself and Ms. DiMera fell.  And when she went into labor, it could have been that fall that led to the blood loss.

 

And Kristen….  She’s dead…?

 

‘Fraid so Mr. DiMera, sir.  The docs couldn’t stop the bleeding. 

 

…It’s true….

 

 

Stefano sat in the deep leather chair, with a glass of brandy sitting on the table in front of him.  The conversation with the informant rang tortuously in his ears as he stared blindly at the amber liquid.  After all those long months recuperating in the tunnels of Paris after the cave-in, he had never even conceived that this could come to pass.  He had been so intent on conjuring a plan to punish John for taking Marlena from him, a plan that would expunge John from the lives of the *damned* Brady family, he had neglected to consider what was happening in Kristen’s life.

 

It was not that he did not care, or even that he could not have found out if he had wanted. It was just that he had been so obsessed with making John pay for his crimes and taking back what was rightfully his, he had almost forgotten about Kristen.

 

The girl had provided him with sketchy information.  He had known that John and Marlena had gone away together, he had known that the offspring that Marlena had carried was John’s….  But it had not concerned him.  He had been convinced that once John was gone, Kristen would recover from her infatuation with him and move forward.  He had not realized that infatuation would destroy her.

 

And how could he?  He was not all seeing.  He was powerful, yes, but he did not yet have all his powers.  The accident in Paris had decimated his health and until the renegade Q had come to him, he had been crippled in his quest for revenge.

 

And now, his beloved daughter lay dead on a pathologist’ table and once again, it was John Black’s fault.

 

 

******

 

 

“Hey there Carrie’,” John pulled up a chair beside the bed and picked up his eldest daughter’s hand in his.  “What’s happening around this joint?”  There was no response, not that he expected one after all these weeks.  It just felt good to be close to Carrie, to talk to her, even if she couldn’t hear him.  They had been so close once; somehow, she had always seemed to know how he was feeling, even when she was a little girl.  He missed being her dad so much it hurt sometimes.  And even more, he missed her smile and her soothing words.  He could really do with them right now.

 

“Sorry I haven’t been to see you for a while punkin’ girl,” he sighed, running his thumbs across her once-manicured fingernails.  “It’s been kinda hectic at home.”  He blinked as he looked at her swollen belly and realized once again how much she was missing of her own life.  As much as this didn’t seem like his Carrie, he knew she was trapped in there somewhere and he vowed, once this business with Stefano was over, he would devote his time to trying to find her.

 

“It was a pretty scary day yesterday,” he stopped and sighed.  “I really f*cked up, Carrie.  I let my guard down and Kristen slipped right through it.  She set us up, and Marlena almost died because of it.”

 

There was no response, but John saw a slight movement under the skin of Carrie’s bulge.  “You listening to me in there, kiddo?  Yeah, you’re right, I was a complete moron.  I fell for it just like she knew I would.  And meanwhile she had a knife, and she went to the penthouse….”

 

He recalled the sight of Kristen with her hands, tight around Marlena’s throat and his own constricted.  “How can she think this was *her* fault?  Christ, she was the one that was almost killed.  Kristen tried to stab her and when she lost the knife, she tried to choke her.  It was only luck that we managed to get there in time.” He looked down and saw that Carrie’s fingertips were red with confined blood and he loosened his grip, feeling a little ashamed.  “I’m sorry Carrie.  I’ve failed Marlena…, all of you, so many times.  I just wanted this time to be able to protect her and the kids.”

 

The mound under the sheet moved again and the corner of John’s mouth twitched into a smile as he reached out to lay his hand over it.  “There is a good side though, punkin’.  Marlena is okay and we have brand new twin boys.  You have two new brothers.  Isn’t that a blast?”

 

There was a clatter from the corridor outside the room and then all was quiet again.  “I guess I shouldn’t be complaining.  At least Marlena is safe and so are the boys.  Stefano is still out there, but I promise you Carrie, I’m going to get him and he’s going to go down for what he did to you.”  He lifted her hand and propped his elbows on the bed.

 

“I’m so sorry punkin,” he pressed the back of her hand to his cheek.  “I’m so sorry for it all.  I love you kids so much and along the way I seem to have pretty much screwed it up with *all* of you, one way or another.”

 

He paused for a moment, almost ready to swear that he had felt Carrie’s finger twitch.  But there was no movement and his eyes saddened at the realization that he wanted Carrie to come back so badly that his mind was starting to invent things.  “I need you to get better Carrie, honey, I need you to teach me how to be a good father to these two boys.  I know I must have been a good father to you once.  I remember you told me so…”  His voice faded at the recollection, the small, blonde Carrie and her smile that lit his world with sunshine.  “And punkin’, you turned out to be such a sweet, generous, compassionate and beautiful young woman, inside and out.”  He let out a chuckle, “though that was probably more Marlena’s doing than mine.”  He stroked his thumb across the back of her hand gently and then lifted it from his face.  Pressing a kiss in the center of her palm, he forged a trembling smile and reached out to brush the blonde hair from her fragile skin.  “But I think I must have done something right sweetheart…”

 

He ached as he watched her in the bed, the broken husk of the beautiful daughter he had once played and laughed with.  He had so many precious memories of his time with Carrie and the twins.  Memories that no-one could take away from him, however hard they might try.  He treasured those memories so fiercely that it hurt sometimes.  But because of those memories, because of his place in the Brady family, Carrie’s life had been destroyed and he hated that almost more than anything.

 

“I wish the new twinners could meet their big sister. Maybe Marlena and I can bring them up here once they get home…”  He sighed and closed his eyes, bowing his head.  “What am I going to do?  How am I going to protect Marlena and the kids from Stefano?  How am I going to stay out of the old man’s path myself if he’s trying to kill me, and still be able to protect them?  G*d, that sounds so selfish.  I would lay down my life in an instant for Doc, Carrie.  For any of you.  But if I did that, then who would stop him?”

 

“You can…”

 

John’s head snapped up; his eyes wide at the sound of the scratchy voice.  His heart thumped painfully as he met Carrie’s green-eyed gaze, and a grin spread across his face as he saw the sparkle that revealed the soul that had broken free of its invisible fetters.

 

“You can… work it out.”  Carrie told him, pained with the effort of talking with a long unused voice.

 

“Carrie!”  John couldn’t quite believe his own eyes for a moment, and he wondered briefly if he was imagining things again.

 

“Mmmm,” she managed to nod as her eyelashes fluttered.

“Oh G*d! Honey, I can’t believe it!”  He pressed shaking fingers to her cheek as he looked at her with tear-filled eyes.  “It’s really you?  You’re really, okay?”

 

“Okay?” Carrie looked a little dazed and he felt her tentative fingers reach out for his grasp.

 

“Yeah, it’s okay honey.  Just let me get the doctor to come and have a look at you.”  He pushed his chair away from the bed and stood with an excited grin.  “It’s all going to be okay; I promise…”

 

 

******

 

 

Stefano stared at the brandy; his expression full of venom as his mind traced back over his conversations with Peter.  Peter, who had lost his sister.  Peter, who blamed both John and Marlena.

 

Marlena….

 

Marlena, his Queen of the Night….  He had offered her *everything*.  He had offered the world and anything she desired in it.  But she had refused.  Turned him down as though he was worth *nothing*.  And instead, she had chosen the one thing that he would not offer her.  John Black.

 

The brandy shimmied inside the crystal snifter as Stefano thumped the table with his meaty fist.  Blind fury coursed through his consciousness as he faced the reality of her betrayal.

 

Marlena, the goddess of his dreams, had spurned his pure and passionate love, instead choosing to turn again to his nemesis, John Black.  And in doing so, she had taken John from Kristen, and taken what was rightfully his daughter’s. 

 

And now Kristen was dead, what responsibility did Marlena bear in that fact?

 

John’s culpability was simple.  He was as guilty as sin and Stefano had no qualms about wanting him dead.  He had wanted John Black dead long before this had happened, Kristen’s death merely, if such an intense desire could be classed as mere, heightened his thirst for revenge.

 

But Marlena….  Marlena….  He could not deny that he still loved her.  The need for her was like a fire in his blood.  But time and again, she had thrown everything he had offered her back in his face and she had chosen to pursue John Black, and in doing so, she had taken him from Kristen.  And now Kristen was dead.

 

Stefano took a mouthful of the brandy and relished the burning as it slipped down his throat like liquid silk.  He contemplated the brandy with a scowl.  The bitter truth was that even if Marlena bore a portion of the blame in this affair, he could no more stop loving her than he could stop breathing.

 

Perhaps the only outcome of this nightmare was that he hardened in his determination to take Marlena for his own.  Once she was under his influence and with John Black dead, she would begin to understand exactly how foolish she had been to defy him time and time again.

 

A slow smile expanded across Stefano’s cruel lips as he swirled the brandy around the snifter.  After all, where there was pain, there was also a certain amount of pleasure….

 

 

******

 

 

“Doc?”  Marlena looked up to find John standing in the doorway.

 

“Well, *hi* Dad,” she grinned as she cradled one of the twins in her arms and John’s heart lifted considerably.  “Where have you been?”

 

“Visiting…” he said elusively.  “How are you doing?  Did your talk with Laura help?” The concern in his voice and his expression touched Marlena and she didn’t have the heart to be angry with him for his interference.  Anyway, the truth was that she had really needed to talk about her feelings, and she loved him for taking the risk and forcing the issue.

 

“Yes, it helped a lot,” she smiled gently. “Thank you.”

 

“Thank you?”  He grinned quizzically.  “I didn’t think that was quite the reaction I was going to get.”

 

“I’ve had a couple of hours to calm down,” she teased him as he sat on the edge of the bed.  She saw him peering at the baby and she held out the tiny bundle for him to take.  “You just missed their feeding.”

 

“Awww, that’s too bad,” he grinned lasciviously. 

 

“So… visiting huh?” she raised her eyebrows.

 

“Uh-huh,” he nodded.  “I pretty much needed to talk to someone myself.” He looked up at Marlena and reached out for his hand, closing her fingers over his.  “So, I went to see Carrie.”

 

“Oh,” she nodded with understanding.  John and Carrie had been very close once and since the shooting he had spent a lot of time with her.  “Did it help?”

 

“More than I ever could have dreamed.”  John’s face lit up with a smile that left Marlena almost breathless.  “Doc… Carrie, she woke up.  Our little girl is back!”

 

“She’s awake?” Marlena’s mouth dropped open for a moment.  “Really?”

 

“Really,” John laughed.  “We talked honey.  I told her about the twinners, and she wants to see them as soon as possible.”

 

“Oh my,” Marlena pressed her fingertips to her mouth, trying to hold in all the emotions that threatened to spill out.  “I can’t believe it.”  She took a shaky breath before laughter bubbled from her throat.  “It’s perfect!  John, everything is finally perfect.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 144 – These are the Days…

 

 

“Mmmmm.”

 

The soft hum of Marlena’s pleased sigh tickled John’s ear and he smiled contentedly.

 

“Happy?” he turned his head and raised one eyebrow. She lay next to him, her golden halo of hair tousled and adorable.  “Couldn’t be *more* happy,” she murmured, nuzzling his cheek gently.

 

It had been a wild few days since Carrie had awakened. Family and friends, brimming with questions and dissatisfied with the lack of answers, had visited Marlena. There were babies to be bathed and fed and small children to be reassured. And John was in and out of the hospital, attending mysterious appointments, the contents of which he would not divulge to Marlena.

 

But through it all, there were smiles and kisses and now that John had Marlena and the children home, he was grateful just to be with her and hold her in his arms.

 

“I want to make you happy, Doc,” he whispered. “I’ve caused you too many tears. From now on, I only want to make you smile.”

“Just hold me,” her voice was almost inaudible as it caught in her throat. “That’s all I want. To know, wherever you are, you want to hold me.”

“Always, Doc.” He curled his arms more tightly around her and pulled her to him. “Sometimes I think you fit into my arms like we were made to go together.”

 

“We were,” she looked up at him with bright eyes. “I think we were.”

“I think we were too.” He grinned and pressed his lips to her nose in a gentle kiss. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, you know that?”

“Am I?” her lips formed a tiny but undeniable smile.

“You’re perfect, honey.” He lifted his hand and brushed away the gentle curls that had fallen across her cheek. “Absolutely, positively, perfect.”

“Oh, I love you.” She kissed him and then sighed softly, snuggling against him, weary and satisfied.

A comfortable silence filled the bedroom for a few moments before the sound of a baby’s wail disturbed them.

“Oh,” Marlena struggled to release herself from John’s arms, but he stilled her with a glance.

“I’ll get him,” he told her. “You have to rest, remember?”

“John-” her expression didn’t hide her annoyance but he was already out of bed and across at one of the matching cribs.

 

Scooping the tiny baby out of the little bed, John cradled him in his arms.

“Yes Doc?” he asked innocently.

“I’m not helpless,” her glare softened as she watched him look down at the tiny bundle he held.

“Would I ever dare say that you were?” he raised his eyebrows with a mischievous smile.

 

“Was that a baby I heard?” A curious Belle and Brady followed Lucie into the room and Marlena relaxed against the pillow as she watched the children peer at their tiny siblings.

“Yes,” Marlena answered with an amused smile wondering how their bedroom could go from a haven to busier than Grand Central station in a matter of mere seconds. “But Daddy has it under control.”

“So I see,” Lucie ran her eyes admiringly over John’s shirtless chest. “Don’t suppose you need a hand there, Daddy?”

“He’s fine,” John replied flushing with embarrassment with Lucie’s brazen assessment of him. “He’s gone back to sleep already.”

 

Marlena watched the exchange with a raised eyebrow.

“Momma?” Brady trotted over to the bed and climbed onto the rumpled covers without any hesitation.

“Mmmmm-hmmm? What do you want sweetie boy?” Marlena mussed his shiny brown hair with a smile that conveyed her delight.

“Are we really going to be a family?” he asked shyly.

“Oh Brady,” she reached out and cupped the little boy’s uncertain face in her hand. “We talked about this last night honey; of course we’re going to be a family. Daddy is going to live here with us,” she paused, looking around the room, “or maybe we’ll find somewhere a little bigger for all of us.”

 

She could see that Brady still looked as though he needed a little convincing and it concerned her. The little boy had had a confusing few years with Kristen in his life, trying to use him to win John’s affections and get her own way.  Marlena had tried to keep Brady sheltered from as much confusion as possible, but she knew that it was unlikely that he would have escaped completely unscathed. And now with two new baby brothers to contend with, he might feel even more isolated. She and John had to be careful to give him all the love and attention he needed until he felt secure again.

 

“What has you worried honey?” she asked gently. “You know you can tell me anything you’re feeling, don’t you?” Brady nodded and she pushed herself upright as she looked over at John. John nodded and he laid the baby back down in the crib. Lucie led Belle out of the room and John followed them. However, he stayed inside the room, closing the door and leaning against it.

 

“Are you frightened about something?” Marlena asked as she smoothed the chestnut locks of the little boy. Brady shook his head and she smiled. “Well, I’m glad to hear that,” she said easily.

 

“Kristen said she was going to be my mommy,” he said suddenly.

“She did, huh?” Marlena looked thoughtful. “She thought she was going to make a family with you and your daddy didn’t she?”

 

“Uh-huh,” Brady nodded his head. “But she goed away.”

“She *went* away honey,” Marlena corrected him with a slight smile. “Does that make you sad?”

 

Brady immediately shook his head.

“No, Momma,” he paused, biting on his lower lip.

“But?” she gave him an encouraging little smile.

“Is you gonna go away too?” He blurted out the words as if he was afraid of hearing her answer.

“Oh *no* honey,” Marlena shook her head as she pulled the little boy close to her. She could understand his fear. After losing his mother when he was still a baby, he needed a stable mother figure in his life. Kristen was hardly that. She only hoped she could be worthy of his love. “I’m *never* leaving you. Not if I can possibly help it.”

 

“Hey slugger,” John came to the bed and slipped onto the covers next to Marlena and his son. Brady turned around in Marlena’s arms and gave his father a shy smile. John mussed his hair with an affectionate touch. “You don’t have to worry about Marlena going away. She’s going to be your mom as long as you want her to be.”

“I’ll never take the place of your real momma, Brady, but I’ll be here, loving you as long as you need me.” She paused and smiled tenderly at the boy she thought of as much her own as any of her other children. “And even when you don’t need me, I’ll still love you. You’re my special boy, you know that don’t you?”

 

“Uh-huh,” Brady nodded his head, pacified by his mother’s words. “I love you too, Momma.”

 

Marlena smiled widely and tightened her arms around him, squeezing him tight. Burying her nose in his warm hair, she let out a little noise of delight. “Oh, you’re so yummy I could just *eat* you all up.”

“Hey, better watch out kid,” John grinned, “Mom hasn’t had breakfast yet. She might just be serious, so maybe we should distract her.” He raised his hand, taking in a deep breath and both Brady and Marlena immediately knew what was about to come.

 

Brady shrieked with delight as John’s fingers swooped in to tickle Marlena and she dissolved into peals of helpless giggles. She could barely feel Brady’s childishly nimble fingers join John’s as she struggled weakly amid the gales of laughter.

 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Lucie’s voice floated over the tangle of limbs in the bed. “Somebody’s supposed to be resting!” With a grin she watched John raise his head guiltily.

“Thank you!” Marlena gasped as she manoeuvred herself out of John’s clutches.

“No, I actually meant me.” Lucie gave a half-snort as John suffered a moment of confusion. “Sorry. Can’t help myself sometimes. Okay kid,” she pointed at Brady, “come with me. Your sister needs some help devouring the batch of chocolate chip cookies we made yesterday. And *you*,” she pointed at John, “behave yourself!”

 

“Yes ma’am,” he looked back at Marlena, his cheeks red.

“*You*,” she took over from Lucie, her finger crooked as she pointed at him, “are in major trouble, Mister!”

“I surrender!” He raised his arms above his head with an irresistible grin. “Just don’t hurt me!”

 

“Oh no,” Marlena laughed. “You don’t get away with it *that* easy!” She pushed him back on the bed and pinned his arms above his head. “I’m…” she shifted so she was half on top of him, “…going…” she bent her head and her tongue danced like a whisper across the base of his throat, “…to make…” her lips travelled up across his jaw and he felt them fasten around his earlobe. He groaned as her tongue made a swift investigation before she let go, “…you suffer…”

 

With a mischievous twinkle in her eye, she released his wrist and drew her hand down his arm to his chest. At the same time, she brushed her lips against his and whispered, “want me yet?”

 

“Marlena!” John squirmed beneath her, his voice rasping. “You don’t play fair. You know *I always* want you.”

 

“Just making sure,” the corner of her mouth curled up as she slid her hand even lower.

 

“Doc!” John’s eyes widened. “Ohhh, no you don’t.” He grabbed her hand and rolled her over so that he was half on-top of her. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

“Spoilsport!” Her golden eyes glittered with unspoken challenges as she looked up at him. “Oh, and by the way, we really need to think about getting a bigger place. One where I can have you all to myself and not have to share your wonderful, shirtless body with the hired help.”

 

“Jealous, are we?” he teased her.

“Not even slightly,” she grinned as she stretched one arm up over her head. “I got you right where I want you, babe.”

 

“God, you’re beautiful,” he breathed, his eyes drawn to her lips. “Why do you have to be so damned irresistible?”

“Shut up and kiss me,” her voice sank to a whisper, and she slid her foot sensuously along his calf. “Just kiss me, John.”

 

He didn’t bother answering her, just bent his head, brushing his lips against hers, her soft, fragrant warmth saturating his senses….

 

“Mmmm,” Marlena came up for air several minutes later, her smile settling into one of pure pleasure as John wrapped her in his broad arms. “This is so nice.”

“Almost heaven, Doc,” he breathed in the scent of her and pulled her just a little bit closer. “I can’t believe I finally have you, after all this time.”

“You do have me,” she whispered, cupping his cheek in one hand, “for as long as you want me.”

“I’ll want you forever,” he said in a voice that made her shiver. “You have my heart in your hands, Doc. And I can’t wait to tell our family and friends that this afternoon.”

 

He took her hand and held it against his chest. There was utter sincerity and adoration in his impossibly blue eyes, and she felt a breathless, almost painful fluttering in her chest. “You make me whole, Marlena. You make me complete, awake, alive, and you make me strong.” He shook his head. “You make me a good man, one who wants to make you and our children proud of him.”

“You *are* a good man, John,” she told him, her whole body singing with the closeness of him. “You always have been.”

 

“No Doc,” he shook his head with determination. “I was weak, I was foolish, and I’ve done so many things I’m ashamed of.”

“But-” Marlena tried to argue with him, but he silenced her with a finger against her lips.
“I don’t know what much of my past holds. I do know that I don’t much care.” He shuddered slightly, thinking of the darkness he was sure could unfold in the hidden depths of his past. That Pandora’s Box was better left unopened. “I don’t want to know what I was before you. It’s so bleak without you in my life that I don’t ever want to remember anything before you.”

 

Marlena lifted her hand and moved his from her mouth.

“I don’t care who you were, John. I only know I love you and I have always loved you. I love your heart and your soul and I *know* that you are a good, generous, kind, loving man and a wonderful husband and father. And that’s all I need to know.”

 

“It’s your faith in me that makes me all those things,” he reiterated with the hint of a smile. “You believe in me and because of that, I can believe in myself. And I can trust that I will make you happy.”

“You *do* make me happy,” her eyes shone, echoing her words. “You make me *very* happy.”

 

“And you,” he closed his fingers around the back of her hand and lifted it to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to her palm, “make me the happiest man on this earth.”

 

 

***

 

 

“Are you ready to go, Doc?” John shifted impatiently from one foot to the other, keys jingling in his hand as he waited for her to appear at the top of the staircase.

 

“John,” she looked down at him, a cream pump in her hand. “We’re not due at the pub for almost an hour. What’s the hurry?”

“We’re making a detour,” he tapped his watch. “So, hurry up.”

“You could have told me that before.” She looked at him in irritation. “*Why* didn’t you tell me that before?” She paused, but before he could answer, she tacked on another query. “And where are we detouring to?”

“I was trying to avoid the inevitable barrage of questions,” he grinned. “So just put your shoes on and get that cute ass down here, okay?”

 

“You are so cruel to me!” She couldn’t help the smile that curled her lips as he watched her. God, she loved him. Even despite his penchant for teasing her.

 

“Guilty as charged.” He climbed several stairs so he could watch her as she made her way back to the bedroom. She was wearing a pink dress, the colour of which reminded him of the night she had come to him on the plane. He loved her in pink. He loved her out of pink. God, he just loved her to distraction.

 

“What?” she asked with an almost shy air as she came back to the landing and found him looking at her.

“Just counting my blessings, Doc,” he held out his hand for hers, one corner of his mouth curling. “Y’know, wondering how on the earth I got so damn lucky.”

 

Marlena simply smiled and leaned in to kiss him.