It’s Never Too Late (Rewrite) – by Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1 – You Matter to Me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes

They’ve seen things that you never quite say but I hear

Come out of hiding I’m right here beside you

And I’ll stay there as long as you let me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena had been searching for John for the past half hour. She found him in the viewing room next to Tony’s casket. The two of them had been at odds over her treatment of Stefano following her possession. John’s long tangled history with Stefano DiMera was something he couldn’t overlook, and Marlena’s guilt over her own actions during that time made it impossible to ignore what she’d done. She had no love for Stefano, but a part of her needed to see him healthy before she could forgive herself. Maybe she could have forgiven herself if she hadn’t felt so alone. While initially John had been available for her, and supportive, he’d drifted away almost as soon as his dispensation was approved by the Bishop. He’d decided to focus on his relationship with Kristen, and she… well, Marlena wasn’t certain what her role was anymore. She was a mother, but Sami was so distant, Eric was in Colorado, and Belle – John had taken Belle to live with him. She understood why, and yet her self loathing drove her choices. She was confronted at every turn with questioning eyes, news media, and unspoken ire. People called her a liar. People openly mocked her on radio shows, and wrote into newspapers wondering if she was let off of murder charges. The only thing she had to hold onto was her sense of morality, and she’d put her whole life aside to try and redeem herself and Stefano DiMera.

She stared at John across the wide expanse of the room. She was in love with him. The whole time John was fighting for her soul, she was realizing exactly how much he meant to her. All the while the devil was trying to seduce him, and Marlena was trying to fight it, she was falling deeper in love with him. In truth, she’d never fallen out of love with him. Loving John Black wasn’t something she could ever stop doing. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been approached by men who were interested in dating her. It was simply that she couldn’t imagine anyone else’s lips on hers. She didn’t desire any other man’s hands on her body. That’s how she found herself in Aremid. She’d come with Stefano intending to offer him her support in the death of a son he couldn’t remember, but ultimately, she’d come for John. She would always come for John.

His posture told a story, dejected, lost. He’d given up, and her heart broke for him. When he needed Kristen the most she was nowhere to be found. After the test for gunpowder residue was run again with the same results, she’d quietly walked away, leaving John to realize she was gone only when he turned around. Marlena believed in his innocence, as did Jennifer, Abe, and Jack. But what John needed and wanted was Kristen. He wanted her to believe in him, and he wanted her by his side. 

Marlena could admit that the evidence was incriminating. If she hadn’t known John as well as she did, she might even believe it; however, Marlena knew with every part of her heart and her soul that John was not a murderer, and no amount of evidence could ever convince her otherwise. From across the room, she faintly heard John’s voice. It resonated with sorrow and dejection, as he quietly questioned himself, “I know the evidence looks bad, but Kristen knows me. She knows I would never kill Tony. Why does she have any doubt?”

It looked bad, he knew it did. Kristen had heard the results of the second test and quietly disappeared. Marlena had looked up at him, and said, “All your friends are behind you. We know you’re innocent.” John wanted to laugh. Not everyone felt he was innocent. Infact, most people had probably convicted him already in their minds. The circumstantial evidence was piling up. But Marlena… John smiled to himself as he stared at the wall. Marlena believed in him so steadfastly it almost bowled him. How could she have such unwavering faith. They had been arguing so much recently, and he’d taken Belle. He didn’t regret it. He found her decision to help Stefano questionable at best, but he understood her motives. He understood Marlena probably better than anyone else in her life, and truthfully, no one in his life knew him the way she did.

Immediately after her possession, he’d kept her close. He couldn’t seem to even consider being apart from her, but that closeness led him to feeling things for her that he felt he had no right feeling. He’d pursued her relentlessly during their affair. No matter how much she’d begged and pleaded with him to stop, he knew she couldn’t… she wouldn’t refuse him. As a result her marriage was destroyed and her relationship with Sami and Eric was in shambles. He did that. He was responsible for that. Falling in love with her while she was possessed was wrong for so many reasons. The devil had used her body to seduce him, and they had come so close to winning. The smell of her skin, the taste of her mouth – it brought up memories he had pushed down because he knew he wasn’t allowed to want Marlena. In the end, he still couldn’t have her, and when he’d realized just before receiving his dispensation that he was still in love with her, he’d walked away.

He loved Kristen, but he knew he would never love her the way he loved Marlena. A soft touch from her, a gentle kiss on his cheek, even the smell of her perfume could transport him to another time and another place where loving her was allowed. He closed his eyes and heard the gentle tap of Marlena’s shoes on the floor. He recognized everything about her, even the way she walked. Lifting his head, he took a deep breath, inhaling the floral fragrance of her perfume. He had to stop thinking about her that way. He had to let her go. That was why he’d buried himself in his relationship with Kristen. He couldn’t have the one he really wanted, and he refused to hurt her by pursuing her yet again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Because you matter to me

Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody

You matter to me

I promise you do, you

You matter too

I promise you do you’ll see

You matter to me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena approached him, treading softly across the antique parquet floor. He knew she was there. His stance changed, and he turned his head slightly. She reached out, running her fingers along his back, and over his shoulder. She could feel the heat of his body against her palm through his leather jacket. The look on his face when he turned to her, caused tears to form in her eyes. Her fingers toyed with the strands of his hair that sat at his collar. She was surprised that no one else had guessed how much she still cared for him. Perhaps they had, but kept it to themselves, since she had been alone for the better part of two years. 

His eyes reflected the pain he was feeling. Kristen walking away when he’d needed her to be there for him had broken his heart. Her not having faith in him, when she was the one, out of everyone in his life, who should have had the most faith in him, that was a hurt that went deep. One large, fat, tear fell from his eye and trailed down his cheek as he stood there looking down at Marlena. 

What was there to say? He was overwhelmed. He was scared, but he refused to admit it. He didn’t need to tell Marlena. She saw it. Using her thumb to wipe his tears away, she stepped closer to him, and whispered, “I’m so sorry Peter is being so unreasonable. I wish he would give Abe more time to investigate this.”

“He won’t,” John told her with a look of reluctant acceptance. He was trying to be strong, but in the matter of a few days, he wasn’t feeling much optimism.

She studied his face, and she saw the lingering hurt, and betrayal there. He needed to talk about what had happened earlier with Kristen. She placed her small hand on his arm, and her hazel eyes caught his deep blue ones. “That isn’t the cause of the pain I see in your eyes, though. Is it Kristen?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s addictive the minute you let yourself think

The things that I say just might matter to someone

All of this time I’ve been keeping my mind on the running away

And for the first time I think I’d consider the stay

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John looked into Marlena’s beautiful face, and felt so many emotions. They almost overwhelmed him. He’d told Jack a few days earlier not to dwell on a love that he couldn’t have. He’d been talking about himself. He gave advice, but he couldn’t follow it. When he looked into Marlena’s face, tipped up towards him, he got lost for a moment. It was the scent of her perfume, and the soft curve of her mouth. Her nearness was a distraction. Turning away from her, he said, “She said she loves me…” He took a deep breath and stuck his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching for Marlena. How easy it would be to pull her into his arms, and hold her against him. He pushed his emotions down yet again. “… but at the time when I needed her the most… when I needed her to believe in me, she… walked away.”

Marlena followed him, coming to stand a few feet behind him. Her voice was soft, full of love as she whispered, “John, I’m so sorry.”

He stared at the floor, still trying to process the situation he found himself in. It wasn’t simply Kristen walking away. It was the fact that someone was trying to frame him for murder. It was everything he’d been through. When was it going to end? In a choked voice he barely managed to ask, “How can she doubt me?” 

Marlena was angry. She was angry that when John needed the love and support that Kristen could offer him, she wasn’t there, and as much as Marlena wanted to give her a piece of her mind… she found herself swallowing back her anger, and making an attempt to comfort John, because she loved him. It wasn’t about the fact that she didn’t trust Kristen. It was about supporting John, because he loved her. So she made excuses for Kristen, hoping to soothe him. “I don’t think that it is doubt. I think… I think she’s just confused. She watched a man die. A man she’d loved,” Marlena explained.

John turned around in frustration. “She didn’t love him! He betrayed her. He betrayed their vows by being deceitful. That’s why she left him.”

“But not without a sense of guilt.” She stepped closer, placing her hand on his arm to stop him from walking away. “She must have felt some guilt at not being able to sustain the vows she made to love him forever, and Peter is so determined to arrest and convict you, she’s being pulled in so many directions. No wonder, she’s confus—” 

John cut her off in frustration. “—Doc, Doc, Doc, I appreciate you trying to soften the blow, I do… I loved her… and I believed in her, and I wanted to believe that she loved me with equal strength, but the fact is, she has doubts about my innocence.” He blinked his eyes several times, trying to stall the tears that sat there. Barely above a whisper he said, “So now, I’m just gonna go through this thing alone…”

He turned away from her to hide his years, and Marlena immediately stepped closer. She was at his shoulder, and she could feel the heat of his body as she reached up, lightly touching his jaw and turning his face to her. “Oh no. No, you’re not. Not alone. You won’t go through this alone. I’ll be right beside you. But we’ve gotta get busy. We’ve gotta find out where all of the evidence is coming from.”

He stared at Marlena, thinking about how much she meant to him. She may have come to Aremid with Stefano, but she had been by his side for the better part of the last three days. She was right. He couldn’t give up. He had to think about Brady and Belle, and even though he wasn’t free to love her, he had to think about Marlena. He sighed, “The only theory I can come up with is somebody’s trying to frame me.”

“Then, they’re being very thorough.”

“Yeah,” he said. He took another deep breath, and started pacing the room. “First I gotta figure out who has the resources. Who knew I had a gun? Who knew where I hid it? Someone who could figure out a way to get gunpowder residue on my hands.” He took his jacket off, and he felt Marlena approach him again. Her nearness was such a distraction.

“And somebody that had the motive,” she told him. 

“Yeah,” he said, glancing at her quickly. He looked away again. She had no right to be as beautiful as she was. Her golden hair pulled up in a quick chignon that when they were married he’d watched her do at least a hundred times. “Yeah. Another good question. Whoever set me up had to leave a trail. So I start backwards. I follow that trail… it takes me right to the person who murdered Tony.”

Marlena stepped around him, trailing her hand over his shoulder as she did. “John? Will you look at me please?”

He finally stopped moving, and stared down at her with tear filled indigo eyes. Softly he said, “Doc, I’ve got a very bad feeling about all of this. A very bad feeling.”

Her hands cupped his face, refusing to allow him to look away. “John, whatever you need from me. Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it, but I need you to know… I believe you. There is not a doubt in my mind that you’re innocent. I believe in you. Tell me you believe that.”

“I believe that, Doc.” John reached his hand around the nape of her neck, threading his fingers through her hair and pulled her body forward into him. He wasn’t able to stop himself. He buried his nose in her hair, breathing in the lilac scent of her shampoo, holding onto her tightly, while softly murmuring, “I don’t know what I do without you.”

Running her nose along his neck, she kissed him there softly, before resting her cheek on his chest. She just wanted to allow herself a moment with him. A moment where she could comfort him the way she wanted. She would think about it for hours, telling herself that kissing his neck was going to far. She whispered, “You’ll never have to find out.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Because you matter to me

Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody

You matter to me

I promise you do, you

You matter too

You matter to me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: You Matter to Me – Sara Bareilles (featuring Jason Mraz)

Chapter 2 – Hopelessly Devoted to You

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Guess mine is not the first heart broken

My eyes are not the first to cry

I’m not the first to know 

There’s just no getting over you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena felt like she had to find Kristen and get her to understand how much John needed her. His coming to Tony’s funeral was a disaster, but she understood why he’d done it. He was innocent, and he’d felt there was no need to hide; however, Peter’s reaction combined with Stefano’s had done nothing but confuse Kristen further. Marlena was hoping that by speaking with her one to one, Kristen would be able to clear the confusion of her mind, and discard the rhetoric that Peter was feeding her. 

She would have to overlook the growing feelings of dread she had regarding John’s relationship with Kristen. He deserved someone who would never doubt him. The problem was, this wasn’t the first time. When Kristen had first come to Salem her hatred of John was born of years and years of lies told to her by her father and her brother. Once she had fallen in love with John, Tony’s return combined with more of Stefano’s lies, had her easily pushing John to the side and marrying Tony. While John was imprisoned at Maison Blanche, he’d talked about getting Kristen away from Tony, and an affair had ensued, but again, Kristen had pushed him away when she’d discovered he was a priest. As soon as his dispensation was approved, she was back in his life. Marlena didn’t trust people who were faithless, and Kristen Blake DiMera was faithless. She didn’t have her own thoughts and opinions, and when she did they were easily swayed by the words and whisperings of others.

The scene at the gravesite kept flashing in her mind, and it had her questioning if she should bother at all. Peter had offered to hold off on arresting John, laying the decision firmly at Kristen’s feet. Instead of defending the man she claimed to love, she hadn’t said anything. She’d simply stared at John with tears streaming down her face, as John’s face slowly realized she wasn’t going to intervene. Marlena was admittedly surprised. She still didn’t fully understand. It was another example of Kristen’s lack of trust. Her doubt would be the thing that would bring her relationship to ruin, and there would be no coming back from that.

Marlena sighed as she rounded the corner near the cemetery. None of that mattered. John loved Kristen, and needed her, and Marlena was going to do whatever she could to bring them back together. She stopped short when she saw Kristen leaning over Tony’s grave. The dirt was still fresh as she laid a rose atop the mound, and started crying again. 

Staring down at the grave for her deceased husband, Kristen was consumed and overwhelmed with guilt. She’d been a horrible wife to him. She should have tried harder, or perhaps she shouldn’t have married him at all. The pressures of her family were always on her. She couldn’t remember a time in her life when she had ever truly been free to make her own choices. If you asked her father or her brother they would deny it, of course, but they were always whispering in her ear, creating doubt and suspicion. She’d married Tony because she cared about him, but she’d mostly married him because Peter had pressured her, and Stefano had yet again faked his own demise, making her believe that John was involved. Wasn’t that how it always went? She hadn’t even been able to look John in his face when she’d allowed Peter to have him arrested. And what did it matter anyway? He had Marlena. She could hear her father’s words in her mind, he has always loved Marlena… John is duplicitous… But was he? Her mind was a whirl, and then there was the evidence – Tony blaming John as he lay dying – the argument during Jennifer and Peter’s wedding – John’s own words… the only good DiMera is a dead DiMera…

Marlena followed Kristen out of the cemetery, and just outside the wrought iron gates she called her name, “Kristen!” The other woman turned around, and looked at her blankly, as Marlena said, “We have to talk.”

A hard look came over her face. “It’s not a good time.” The last person she wanted to see or speak with right then was Marlena. She turned to walk away, but Marlena followed her.

“I know it’s a hard time for you,” she said. “I understand that, but this is really important.”

Kristen stared at her warily, “What is it?”

Marlena wanted to get to the root of the issue as quickly as possible. “I’d like to know who you’re upset about. Tony? Or John?”

Kristen stared at Marlena for a moment, and then turned her gaze away. It was never going to be the same. At one time they had been friends. She’d helped deliver Belle, before finding out John was her father. She’d supported John during Marlena’s possession, fighting with everything she had to save her life, but after the possession, everything had changed. John’s friendly concern had morphed into something she didn’t understand. Once Marlena had started helping Stefano with his recovery, John had become borderline obsessive, going so far as to bring Belle to live with them to keep his daughter away from Stefano. As she looked at Marlena, she tried to push down the growing dislike she had for her, but that was hard when John’s words echoed in her mind all the time… I love you too, Doc. He’d made excuses, he apologized saying it was a simple mistake. None of it mattered. It did something to a woman’s psyche to be called by another woman’s name during lovemaking.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know I’m just a fool who’s willing

To sit around and wait for you

But, baby, can’t you see?

There’s nothing else for me to do

I’m hopelessly devoted to you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John could still see Kristen sobbing in the cemetery as she allowed him to be arrested. The words of the officers echoed in his ear, but he didn’t fight them. He’d been in shock, allowing himself to be handcuffed as he stared at her in surprise. Was it all a lie? She’d covered her face with her hands as she sobbed, and he felt his heart start to harden. It was too many times that she had lacked trust in him, too many times when she had believed the worst in him. 

The creak of the wooden stairs sounded under his feet as he descended into the dank cellar of the pub in Aremid. John closed his eyes for a moment as the scent overwhelmed him. Marlena had told him once that smell was closely linked to memory, and images of Maison Blanche assaulted him. He took a deep breath trying to practice the techniques she’d taught him when the memories became too much. He was in Aremid. He was safe. He rubbed at his wrists remembering the shackles Stefano had used to keep him chained to the dungeon wall. This is different, he told himself. Opening his eyes, he thought of Marlena during his time at Maison Blanche – her soft words, and her gentle touches. He felt himself start to calm.

Standing before the cell doors the clang of metal was another sound that brought his trauma to the forefront. He wasn’t sure he would be able to hold himself together while being kept isolated down there. He glanced at Peter, and felt as if there was a part of him that already knew that. His arrogant face, and his smirk said more than his words ever could. As the door slid open, the deputy wordlessly ushered John inside.

John turned around to find himself facing Peter, Mickey, and Abe. He was grateful to have Abe and Mickey with him. The silence was deafening as the deputy came behind him, and started to take off John’s handcuffs. After all, what was there to say? He was being arrested for a murder he didn’t commit, and he wasn’t even going to be able to search for the real killer if he was locked up. Peter knew that. He tried to focus on the hope he’d felt the day before when Marlena was with him, but that was hard to hold onto in his current situation. The dank, musty smell of the room, and the dampness in the air, even the fact that it had only one small window with a faint shaft of light – it was all too reminiscent of Maison Blanche. Nightmares would plague him, there would be no way to avoid it. 

Abe saw the stress and the tension in John’s face. He would never admit weakness in front of Peter, but it was obvious to Abe that John was distressed. He finally spoke, “Is this really necessary, Peter?” 

Peter stared at John with hatred through the cell bars, saying, “Yes. It is. John’s a murderer–”

Mickey was still reeling at finding out Peter had been appointed special prosecutor. The obvious conflict of interest was glaring, and Peter made no attempt to hide his hatred for John. He cut in, “ – an accused murder. Nothing’s been proven yet.”

Peter still refused to look at anyone else in the room. John Black had murdered his brother. Tony had testified to it as he lay dying, and he was going to make sure that John was punished. His eyes were locked on John as he replied, “Don’t worry, Mickey. My case is solid… and it’s getting stronger everyday.”

The cell door closed behind the deputy, and John stood awkwardly rubbing his wrists. He had to somehow hold himself together, and force the memories of Maison Blanche to stop. Flashes of himself hanging from chains attached to the ceiling. Arias played at volumes that kept him awake for days. Drugs injected into his system that made him forget… forget everything but Marlena. He closed his eyes again, and took a deep breath. He’d never told her that. Maybe someday he would. 

“Is there anything we can do for you?” Abe asked him.

John finally looked up, ignoring the smug look on Peter’s face. He approached Abe, saying softly, “I want to see Kristen.” He didn’t know why. He should be done with her, but he knew that she wasn’t herself, and he wasn’t ready to give up on her just yet. 

“My sister wants nothing to do with you,” Peter stated.

Again, John ignored him, saying to his friend, “Abe, I have to convince her that I’m innocent.”

Peter leaned towards the bars, “She knows better, John… and so do I.” John stared at him with loathing, and Peter felt a shiver of happiness at being the one with the upper hand. When he’d seen this room the night before, the first place he’d thought of was Maison Blanche. He knew what it would do to John, and he found pleasure in that. What better way to destroy John’s morale than to use his life experiences against him? The fact that it had been Stefano to suggest it was even better. Perhaps his fathers memories were returning.  He smirked before walking away, and said, “I hope you like it here. You’re going to be here for a long time.”

On his way out of the room, Peter told the deputy, “I want a 24 hour guard posted at the entrance to this cellar, and keep a list of everyone who comes to see him.”

John watched him leave, and then refused to give him another thought. He couldn’t afford to. He had to find a way to get out, and track down Tony’s murderer. It was the only way to save himself. He couldn’t take Mickey and Abe’s sad expressions, so he asked, “What do you think my chances are of making bail?”

“Not good,” Mickey told him. “I’ll file a motion… Peter will fight it. The charge is murder one, he’ll argue that you’re a wealthy man, you could leave the country as soon as you walk out of the courthouse…” Mickey hesitated for a moment, and then he said, “And–and there’s something else John…”

John rubbed his palms over his face roughly, “Yeah. What is it?”

“While you’re incarcerated you’re going to need somebody to handle your affairs, take custody of your children…”

He sighed, “Of course.”

“So, I’ll draw up papers giving your power of attorney to whomever you designate,” Mickey said as gently as he could. John was already in a vulnerable position. It was his job to protect him as much as he possibly could. Although, after Kristen’s recent behavior, he was hoping that John didn’t select her.

“Okay… okay, yeah,” John said.

“You have to think about this carefully,” Mickey said quickly. Hoping to push his point home, he said with emphasis, “Because whoever you choose is going to have complete control of your life. It has to be someone that you trust completely–”

John was nodding his head as if he understood, and then said unexpectedly, “It will have to be Marlena.”

Relief filled Mickey. He smiled. “I’ll draft the papers, and be back later for your signature.”

As he walked out, John raised his face to the ceiling. Marlena? Without thought he’d selected her, and in his heart he knew it was the right choice, but could he put that on her? Did he trust anyone else enough to give them the responsibility? The answer was no, and that was making him look at his current situation with Kristen in a different light. She was supposed to be his fiance, and recently her behavior had done nothing to elicit his trust in her. Did he even love her? Had he ever loved her?

Abe watched John for a moment, and then asked him softly, “What is it, buddy?”

“I named Marlena without even hesitating,” he replied with a confused look on his face. “Why didn’t I name Kristen?” But he knew the answer already, he’d simply been refusing to face it. His fear of what the affair had done to Marlena’s life was the biggest obstacle to his emotions. The affair had led to the breakup of her marriage. It had left her alone and vulnerable to Stefano’s machinations, ultimately leading to her possession. He blamed himself for all of it, even the position Marlena currently found herself in. She wouldn’t have ever chosen to give up her life and help Stefano, if she hadn’t been questioning her own morality. It had all started with their affair. Could he ask this of her now? She owed him nothing.

Peter walked back into the room with a sneer on his face, “Because subconsciously, you know she wouldn’t do it.”

“Of course, she’d do it,” John told him, but he wasn’t so sure that she would. That was where they were. He didn’t have faith in her, and she’d proven she didn’t have faith in him. 

Peter stepped closer to the bars, “No, John. She’s not about to help her husband’s killer. She wants to see you pay for Tony’s death.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

But now, there’s nowhere to hide

Since you pushed my love aside

I’m out of my head

Hopelessly devoted to you

Hopelessly devoted to you

Hopelessly devoted to you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kristen stared at Marlena with furious eyes. “I just came from Tony’s grave. He’s dead, and yes, I’m a little upset by it!”

Marlena wanted to roll her eyes. She wanted to slap her to be honest. As was her usual, Kristen took her level of dramatics over the top. Marlena leaned forward, staring at her, “But, John is alive! He’s alone! He’s in pain. You can still grieve for Tony, and yet be there for John.”

Kristen sighed, replying sarcastically, “Oh… well, you see a lot’s happened.”

“I understand.” Marlena wanted to leave, and walk away. John deserved better than the woman in front of her who was feeling sorry for herself. Instead, she said, “It’s overwhelming. John needs you now more than ever! You can’t abandon him. Not if you love him the way you say you do. Kristen? Why won’t you go to John?”

“Because, if he looked in my eyes, he–” She stopped talking abruptly, but Marlena already knew the answer. He’d know. If he looked into Kristen’s eyes he would see her distrust, and it would break his heart. 

“ – he would see that you doubt him,” Marlena whispered. 

“That’s right.” Kristen turned to walk away. 

Kristen didn’t know John at all. Marlena asked her with frustration, “How could you even think that John killed Tony?”

“You know, it’s not like I really want to, Marlena!” Kristen said loudly. “But, you know as well as I do that John detests Stefano, and he detested Tony! His anger had become irrational the last few months. I can’t even tell you how many times he’s said he wanted the DiMera’s dead! Oh! And there is the thing about all of that evidence–”

“ – I don’t care about the evidence!” Marlena watched Kristen with shrewd eyes. She would be happier with Kristen out of John’s life. He didn’t need her, not if she wasn’t in his corner. She leaned forward, “John told me, he didn’t kill Tony. I believe him. I would think you’d believe him too.” But as she looked at the woman standing in front of her, it was obvious that she didn’t. It was also obvious that Kristen hated her for the fact that she did.

Kristen was quiet for a long time, and then she said quietly, “I think John cares for you more than he’s admitting. So you can be the one to support him during this time.”

John cared for her? “We’re friends. Nothing more.”

“I disagree.”

“Why would I find you, and tell you to go to him, if I still cared for him?” Marlena asked her. As much as it hurt to say it, Marlena said, “He loves you. He’s said it a thousand times! He needs you now more than ever before. So why don’t you put aside your doubts and go to him, and tell him you love him, and you believe in him! He needs to hear that. Right now.” Marlena paused for a moment, and then she walked away. She couldn’t continue to stand there begging Kristen to go love John, especially not when she wanted to be the one he needed. It hurt too much.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My head is saying, “Fool, forget him”

My heart is saying, “Don’t let go”

Hold on to the end

That’s what I intend to do

I’m hopelessly devoted to you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena walked into the park feeling the cold brisk air against her skin. She pulled her coat closer around her as she sat on the stone bench. She’d lied to Kristen. Telling her she had no feelings for John was something she had to do. What would admitting to them solve? John wasn’t in love with her, and the fact that she was in love with him would only hurt more if he knew and rejected her. She couldn’t handle him rejecting her again. Not after Isabella. That had nearly destroyed her. She’d accepted that John would always be in her life. He was the father of her daughter. He was her best friend, but they could never be lovers again. 

That didn’t stop the memories. She closed her eyes and thought about their honeymoon in West Virginia. They been so young, and so carefree… even in the midst of danger they couldn’t keep their eyes or their hands off of each other. Marlena opened her eyes, and whispered to herself, “I can’t be doing this. I can’t be dwelling on these memories. John loves Kristen.”

She could still feel his fingers on her lips, and the heat of his skin as she dragged her fingernails across his lower back. Those memories led her back to their brief affair. How many times had she fantasized about those moments, and made herself come in the quiet darkness of her bedroom. It was getting harder and harder to pretend. She was sure that Abe, Lexie, perhaps even Caroline, already knew her true feelings but they were respectful enough not to inquire. Laura had started giving her knowing glances, but she’d yet to say anything. She was going to have to work harder at keeping that soft look out of her eyes. She did it all the time with patients. She needed to detach slightly, but that was so hard to do when John was vulnerable.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

But now, there’s nowhere to hide

Since you pushed my love aside

I’m out of my head

Hopelessly devoted to you

Hopelessly devoted to you

Hopelessly devoted to you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Hopelessly Devoted to You – Olivia Newton-John

Chapter 3 – Just A Kiss

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lyin’ here with you so close to me

It’s hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe

I’m caught up in this moment

I’m caught up in your smile

I’ve never opened up to anyone

So hard to hold back when I’m holding you in my arms

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Rachel Blake had spent twenty-five years of her life in hiding. Twenty-five years trying to forget the horror of her life, and Stefano DiMera’s obsession with her. She’d lived in the shadows of Aremid, traveling hidden paths in the depths of the walls at Blake House, and traversing the systems of caves underneath the town. She was a myth. She was ghost, never willing to come out of the shadows until now. Her hands shook as she held Tony DiMera’s journal in her hands. She stared into the sleeping face of a man she hadn’t seen since the night before her exile. Slowly her hand slid under the lace veil covering her face, and her fingers traced over the mottled skin beneath. She’d once been a great beauty, a wife, and a mother. She’d lived an idyllic life, until the day her husband brought home his new business partner. That first day was the last day – at least to her mind. 

Stefano DiMera had charmed his way into their lives, enthralling her children with tales of his travels, while promising her husband wealth beyond his wildest imagination. It was all a lie, a facade, and she’d known it from the beginning. She saw the way Stefano’s eyes followed her around the room. She wasn’t susceptible to his charms, but her husband was seduced by money. After a life of poverty he wanted more, and he was willing to overlook the things she found questionable. He was willing to excuse Stefano’s fawning over her, even asking her to play along, while promising her a wonderful future.

She crouched down, staring at the man who had once been a priest. Following her husband’s car accident, she and her children had been at Stefano’s mercy. He promised to take care of them. He bought the children games, and toys. He paid for extravagant educations for them, and all the while he wanted more and more from her. His obsession grew. Father John Black had been her salvation, or so she’d thought. A beacon of hope in the darkness of Maison Blanche, until their secret was discovered. Stefano’s rage was all consuming. She’d said too much, and Father Johnny was taken away. Her children were taken away, and she… she’d risked everything to save him. Then she was sent away to Aremid, and in one last desperate bid for her freedom, she attempted to kill Stefano. Instead… she’d killed herself, because the world believed that Rachel Blake was dead. The woman left behind was a shell of her former self.

John started mumbling in his sleep. She reached for him, but pulled her hand back quickly. She couldn’t touch him. She took a shaky breath. She shouldn’t even be there. Softly, she whispered, “You didn’t do it, Johnny.”

His eyes opened. His mind was hazy. He’d taken the sleeping pills Mike had given him, but his sleep was so disturbed. He kept having nightmares and waking abruptly. Struggling to sit up, he saw a woman in front of him shrouded in white, and he heard her whispered words, “It’s the truth, Johnny. Here… it’s the truth.”

His eyes wouldn’t focus as he shook his head to try, and clear it. “What is this? Who are you? How did you get in here?”

“Johnny?” she whispered. She was so scared she could barely breathe. Stefano was too close, and her leaving her hiding place made her vulnerable, but she had to give him the book. “Johnny…”

His eyes opened wider. He recognized her voice. It was the voice of the woman he remembered from Maison Blanche. The woman who called him Johnny. “Oh, my G-d… it’s you.” His breath started coming rapidly, and dizziness overtook him. Falling back against the wall behind his cot he stared up at her, still trying to bring himself fully awake.

Marlena’s voice cut through his haze as he stared up at the Woman in White. “I’ve got to see John right away.”

Desperately he leaned forward, struggling to stand up as he cried out, “Doc? Doc! Come in here right away! She’s here!”

The deputy was looking for the key that would open the wooden door to the cellar, and Marlena could hear the fear in John’s voice. “John? Who’s there?”

John stood quickly, stumbling towards the entrance where he expected Marlena to emerge. Falling backwards against the cell doors, his fingers gripped the bars as he stared at the ghostly figure in front of him. “The woman from my past! The woman I keep remembering!” He turned to face the heavy door, waiting for Marlena to enter. He needed Marlena to enter. “She’s here!”

The deputy pulled the door open, and Marlena pushed past him, desperate to get to John. “The one from Maison Blanche? The one who called you Johnny?”

He was close to collapse. He was fighting the pull of the pills he’d taken, and his words slurred, “Yeah… she’s here… Doc… she’s here.”

But as Marlena looked around, she saw the room behind him was empty. There was no one there. “Where is she?”

John started to turn around sluggishly, “She’s right here–” There was no one behind him. “She was right here.”

Glancing at the deputy she asked him, “Can you let me in his cell? Please?”

“I’m not supposed to,” he said. “Peter Blake said–”

“ – I don’t care what Peter Blake said,” Marlena replied, raising her voice. “Can’t you see John is in distress? Something is wrong. I’m a doctor.”

Deputy Cox looked towards the stairs. It was well past ten o’clock in the evening, and he hadn’t been given instructions on what to do if the prisoner required medical attention. “If I let you in, ma’am, I gotta lock it behind ya.”

“That’s fine,” she said, watching John sway on his feet as he looked around with confused eyes. The keys clanged against the metal bars as Deputy Cox unlocked the cell, and then slid the door open. Marlena slipped inside, and immediately went to John. “John, honey, no one’s here.”

His words sounded helpless when he whispered, “She was right here… she – she was standing over me when I woke up.”

John’s sleeping tablets were on the table, and Marlena asked him softly, “You were sleeping?”

“Yeah.” He swayed on his feet towards Marlena, and reached for her arm to steady himself. “I – I got the feeling that… that someone was here, and when I opened my eyes there she was. And she was calling Johnny! Just like in my memories.” John realized Marlena was looking at him as if maybe he was disoriented, and he was, but he was certain the woman had been there with him. “She was here!” He stepped away from her, wobbling slightly as he turned to look around the room. If she had been there, she was gone. 

Marlena was worried about him. Following him, she placed her hand on his forearm, stalling him. “John? Did you take your sleeping pill?”

“Uh, yeah… well, I… I got a lot on my mind, Doc. I had to get some sleep.” He rubbed his hands over his face, questioning his own lucidity. 

She stepped closer, gently touching his jaw, as she asked him, “And you thought a lot about that woman in the past?”

John sighed heavily. “Well, of course a lot! The first time that Stefano held me prisoner at Maison Blanche, Doc, she was there! I think she rescued me.”

She knew this prison he was in would bring up memories of Maison Blanche. It looked too similar, and she’d found herself wondering if Peter hadn’t done it on purpose. “And now you’re a prisoner again?” He stared at her, and nodded, feeling tears well up in his eyes. Cupping his face she whispered, “It’s possible that subconsciously your mind is going to that woman because she rescued you before, and maybe that’s why you dreamed that she was here.”

Touching his forehead, he shook his head again, feeling the haze of the sleeping medication in his system. Reluctantly, he said, “Perhaps.” He stared down into Marlena’s eyes, and whispered, “Maybe… I was having a dream right before I saw her.”

Her thumbs wiped away his tears. “Do you recall your dream?”

“Yeah,” he said softly. His hands gripped Marlena’s wrists, holding her hands against his face, as if he would collapse if he lost her touch. He shook as he told her, “I was standing in front of a judge. You were there. Kristen was there. And the judge said I was guilty for murdering Tony, and he was going to sentence me to die… but you believed in my innocence still… and Kristen, she called me a murderer.”

Marlena gasped softly, and John stepped away, unable to look into those beautiful hazel eyes any longer. He felt so fucking alone. “Oh, John.”

“But you – you stood by me, Doc,” he said softly, staring at the small window in his cell. The moonlight was at the perfect angle to stream across the floor. Turning to face her he said, “Just like you always do, but Kristen, she turned her back on me. She didn’t believe in me the way you did. Now come on, you’re the psychiatrist, is my subconscious trying to tell me something?”

“What do you think?” she whispered.

“I don’t know,” he said, still trying to clear his mind. “I hate to say it, but maybe my relationship with Kristen isn’t as strong as it should be. Maybe our feelings aren’t as deep as we thought they were.” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

But we don’t need to rush this

Let’s just take it slow

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

Just a touch of the fire burning so bright

No, I don’t wanna mess this thing up

No, I don’t wanna push too far

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John scoffed, “I really thought that the feelings that Kristen and I shared were so deep, but I’ve got doubts about that, Doc. What does that say about my relationship with her? I mean… I don’t have any doubts about my relationship with you.”

Kristen had come to speak with John, but as he spoke her heart hardened. She stood at the bottom of the stairs, and saw that the deputy was watching her. Her heart was breaking. Marlena had begged her to come see John. She’d pleaded with her, saying he was alone, and he needed her, and yet, Kristen could hear him questioning their love, and Marlena did nothing to defend it. She turned on her heel, and walked back up the stairs.

John stepped closer to Marlena, touching her cheek gently, “You’re my best friend.” His voice choked up, “My best friend in the whole world. That friendship is rock solid. I mean, you’ve always stood by me. I mean, right from the beginning you’ve always thought I was innocent.”

“I spoke to Kristen,” she said quietly. John’s eyes widened as he stared down at her. “She thinks that we still have feelings for each other. She thinks there is something going on between us.”

John couldn’t tell Marlena how he really felt. He stepped away from her, and sat down on his cot as if he were defeated. “I’ve had this conversation with her before. I’ve tried to explain it to her. We share a child. We’ve been through a lot together. We had this… connection between us.”

Marlena whispered, “It’s a very special bond.” She pulled a chair to sit in front of him and reached for his hands.

John told her, “It always will be. You’re so important to me. I can’t imagine not having you in my life.” He felt as if he were professing his love for. Perhaps he was, although Marlena would never interpret it that way. 

She stared at their linked hands. So familiar, and yet so foreign. She glanced up to find him watching her intently, and she said, “I feel the same way about you.” John’s lips parted in surprise, and she realized that her emotions were written clearly on her face. She felt much more than friendship for him. Glancing away, she stumbled over her words, trying to take away the awkwardness of the moment. “Of  – of course, um, that relationship is not as intense as it once was. We  – we’ve, um, we’ve moved away from… well, we’re past that now.”

He wasn’t so sure that they were. There was something about the way Marlena was acting. She suddenly seemed less calm, less collected. It was completely out of character. He recalled those moments when they were friends, when he’d first come to Salem. Those moments when things would suddenly become tense, and Marlena would stumble over her words. Those moments when they were both distracted by the other. For the first time in two years John found himself wondering if it was truly over between them. Was their time past? Was it too late? 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just a shot in the dark that you just might

Be the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life

So, baby, I’m alright with just a kiss goodnight

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I should go,” Marlena said softly, glancing behind her.

“Could you… could you stay for a while longer?” John felt sick dread slice up his spine. The memories of Maison Blanche haunted him whether he was awake or asleep. “This cell–”

Marlena stood up, and kneeled before him, resting her hands on his knees. Looking up at him, she asked, “It reminds you of Maison Blanche?”

He couldn’t do any more than nod his head in affirmation. Everything about it reminded him of Maison Blanche. The dankness. The smell. The slit of moonlight across the floor. Marlena’s kindness. 

“I can stay with you,” she whispered. “Until you fall asleep.”

John scooted back, and swung his legs up onto the cot. Reaching for her, he asked softly, “Lay with me?”

She would give anything to lie with him again, even knowing that it would be something that haunted her for the rest of her days. She removed her shoes, and stood beside him for a moment. John tugged her hand, and she sat beside him, unsure of which direction to lie. Did she face him? Did she rest her spine against his chest? Which one would cause her less pain when she was awake all night relieving it? John took the decision out of her hands.

“Please?” he whispered. He wasn’t brave enough to tell her he was scared. He already knew even though she believed he was innocent, that didn’t take away her fear. He wouldn’t add his. “Just for a little bit.”

Marlena slid in next to him, and he laid the blanket over her. She was enveloped in his warmth, and his musky scent. She had to hold back her moan of contentment. John wrapped his arm around her waist, and sighed, burying his face in her hair. Unable to hold back, she rested her face on his shoulder, and closed her eyes. If she could stay wrapped in his arms for the rest of her life, she gladly would. Anything to stay next to him, and feel this warmth. For the first time in two years, she felt completely safe, and cared for. 

It felt right. He could admit that to himself. It felt more than right. “Thank you.”

“For what?” she whispered.

“For believing in me,” he said. The sleeping pills were already pulling him under. He took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of her perfume, and her shampoo. Closing his eyes, he wouldn’t remember sighing softly, “I love you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know that if we give this a little time

It’ll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find

It’s never felt so real

No it’s never felt so right

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Maison Blanche, 1994

John tried to give Marlena some privacy as she cleaned her body, but he couldn’t help watching her surreptitiously. He loved her. Maybe he would always love her. No amount of time would ever resolve it. Quietly, he said, “Can you hurry, Doc? I don’t want Stefano coming back, and seeing you.”

“I’m done,” she whispered.

He could hear her toweling off, and glanced over once more. She was balanced with one foot against the end of the cot. All he could see was the soft curve of her bare hip. His body shook, and he glanced away quickly feeling guilty. He had no right to watch her.

“Do you think Stefano will be able to get us out of here without anyone knowing… or do you think we could do something to fight him?” she asked.

John rubbed his hands over his face. His hair was so long, he’d pulled it back in a ponytail. While their situation was dire, he had to admit that being clean for the first time in months felt amazing. He ran his tongue over his clean teeth. He couldn’t help looking at her again. He watched her pull her panties up, and shook his head, looking away. “I won’t do anything that might put you in danger.”

Marlena pulled her jeans up over her hips, and then reached for the denim shirt Stefano had provided. After buttoning it up, she went to John, touching his face softly, “I won’t do anything to put you in danger either.”

Cupping her hand, he held it to his face as he whispered, “I want to kiss you so badly, Doc… and I know it’s wrong. You love Roman… I love Kristen… but I am so fucking lonely, and you – well, I will always care for you.”

Overwhelmed, scared, lonely… she felt all of those things. She slid her palms up his chest, and softly touched her lips to his. John grunted low in his throat, and pulled her close. She gasped softly, opening her mouth to him, and the taste of him pushed all thoughts of Roman out of her mind. She loved John. She would always love him, so allowing him to kiss her for comfort would probably break her heart when she watched him walk away with Kristen.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

Just a touch of the fire burning so bright

No, I don’t wanna mess this thing up

I don’t wanna push too far

Just a shot in the dark that you just might

Be the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life

So, baby I’m alright with just a kiss goodnight

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John’s eyes flew open, and he glanced around the darkened room. Marlena was still in his arms, her soft breath wafting against his neck. He’d been dreaming about their kiss at Maison Blanche. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about that since it had happened, and they had never discussed it, or what it meant. He’d told himself it meant nothing. It was simply two people coming together in a moment of loneliness, but he knew it was so much more.

Marlena stirred in his arms. Her eyes fluttered open to find John watching her intently. She glanced around realizing it was almost morning. The angle of the moonlight had changed. “I was here all night,” she whispered.

“I didn’t mind,” he told her.

She snuggled into him, linking her lower leg with his. “How long have you been awake?”

John kissed her forehead gently. “Not long. I was dreaming.”

“Maison Blanche again?” she asked.

John smiled against her head, enjoying the feel of her silky hair against his skin. “Something like that.”

She lifted her head slightly, looking at him. With a gentle smile, she asked, “Something like that?”

John reached out, skirting his fingers across her face, and tipped her eyes up to his. “Do you ever think about that kiss?”

Her heart skipped several beats, and suddenly her mouth felt dry. Marlena self consciously licked over her lips. Their kiss at Maison Blanche, that’s what he was asking about. She remembered getting lost in his scent, his taste, the softness of his lips. They’d pulled back, and stared at each other in surprise, and then John had taken her mouth again. During their second kiss, the room had started filling with gas, and they’d been focused on survival. But after their rescue, at the hospital, there had been a few awkward moments. Those quiet moments when their eyes had caught, and they both remembered a singular moment together in the dungeon of Maison Blanche.

John’s eyes held hers, and she couldn’t break away. She didn’t want to break away. There was something different about the way he was looking at her. Barely above a whisper, she said, “I think about it.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

No, I don’t want to say goodnight

I know it’s time to leave

But you’ll be in my dreams

Tonight

Tonight

Tonight

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She watched John’s eyes flicker down to her mouth, and her heart stuttered. What was happening? Whatever it was, she wanted it. Her lips parted, and she gasped softly, when John leaned closer, and whispered, “I want to do it again.”

“John?” Her breath shuddered as she tried to keep herself calm, but it was impossible. 

He didn’t ask her permission. She could have pushed him away. Just as it had been in Maison Blanche, the taste of her mouth took him back in time. A soft brush of his lips across hers, and then he stared into her hazel eyes. Her lids were half drawn, and her breath caught in her throat. John watched her pupils in the dim light. She was aroused. He smirked. He would file that information away to think about later. Tipping his mouth over hers, he kissed her again with more force, and both of them moaned softly. Marlena’s fingers laced through his hair, and John’s arm wrapped around her hips pulling her closer. Softly he whispered, “Fuck…”

They kissed until they were both gasping for breath. Marlena could feel the firmness of John’s erection against her soft abdomen. He stared down at her for a moment, and then he rested his forehead on hers. Marlena whined, tipping her head back, silently begging him for more, and then his mouth fell on her once again. Over and over again, until the sun rose, and the soft pink hues of morning light filled the room through the small window high on the wall.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

Just a touch of the fire burning so bright

No, I don’t wanna mess this thing up

I don’t wanna push too far

Just a shot in the dark that you just might

Be the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life

So baby, I’m alright, oh

Let’s do this right 

with just a kiss goodnight

With a kiss goodnight

Kiss goodnight

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Just A Kiss – Lady A

Chapter 4 – Be That For You

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In a world that’s changing everyday

No nothing ever stays the same

When you need a rock that’ll never move

Baby, I’ll be that for you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The snow was falling briskly outside as Marlena made her way back towards the pub, and she pulled her coat tighter to keep out the chill. She’d left John that morning more confused than ever about where she stood with him. Their soft kisses in the early morning hours were all she could think about. Soft caresses of skin, gentle whimpers, and whispered words. Over and over again in her mind she could hear John say – you taste just like I remember. Her muscles wouldn’t stop trembling. What did it mean? She reached up, touching her bottom lip. It was still swollen and tender. That slight twinge of pain brought a smile to her face. She wasn’t imagining what had happened between them. It hadn’t been a dream. They hadn’t talked about it. Instead, they’d fallen back asleep, and when they woke the following morning it was because Sara had brought down his breakfast. Marlena had scrambled up from the cot in surprise, and John had followed her.

“Oh!” she said breathlessly, trying to smooth down her hair. “What time is it?”

Sarah smiled, thinking the two of them were cute together, “It’s just a little before eight o’clock.”

“Doc,” John said softly. “Doc, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” she remembered saying. “It’s not. You’re trying to fix your relationship with Kristen, and here I am–”

He’d reached out, touching her face softly, “ – We’ll talk, Doc. Later.” He glanced at Sara, noticing that she was trying to seem as if she wasn’t paying attention. Leaning closer to Marlena, he stared into her eyes, making sure she was paying attention, and he whispered, “We’ll talk.”

His simple whispered words had set her heart to beating furiously again. “Okay.”

She stared up at the hazy sky, closing her eyes as the soft snowflakes landed on her heated skin. There hadn’t been many words, and if there had, she was afraid of what she might have said. Marlena hadn’t realized a week ago that she would ever be able to fall more deeply in love with John than she was, and yet, in the last few days she had somehow managed to. She touched her mouth again with a soft smile.

“I hope you’re fucking happy, you bitch,” Kristen hissed venomously from behind her.

Marlena opened her eyes, and turned around slowly. Kristen stood there staring at her with anger filled green eyes, filling with tears. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“He needs you. He’s so alone,” Kristen mocked, wiping at her cheeks furiously. She felt duped and lied to. “I went to see John… last night, as a matter of fact, but he wasn’t alone. He was with you! He was telling you about how our love wasn’t strong enough… and you! You didn’t say one thing to defend it!”

Marlena sighed softly, “I was allowing John to express his feelings. I was being a friend. We’re just friends. Nothing more.”

Kristen trembled with rage. The perfect Dr. Marlena Evans was a backstabbing bitch. “Some fucking friend you were. I hate you. You think you can have him, but he loves me. He loves me!”

She stood there feeling the icy snow melt against her skin, and she watched Kristen storm off. Her conversation with John the night before had done more to put a wedge between him and Kristen. She hadn’t intended for that to happen. But he kissed you. Marlena blinked her eyes several times, realizing that there were snowflakes in her lashes. John may have kissed her, but he hadn’t told her he was giving up on Kristen. Their kisses were simply comfort. John had needed her, and she’d been there for him. That was all. It had been the same situation at Maison Blanche, and she couldn’t fool herself into hoping that it was more.

She felt foolish. Standing there in the snow, getting lost in her memories. Kristen confronting her was a harsh slap of reality, and the reality was that John didn’t love her. He trusted her. He felt safe with her. He may even be attracted to her on some level, but their love was in the past. She felt the tears begin to well in her eyes, and she looked around quickly. It all felt so helpless. She would be alone for the rest of her life, because her love for John would never die. She wiped her eyes. She couldn’t cry in public. Turning around she headed back to the pub. She could gather her thoughts in her room, and then go see John later, after lunch. She was going to have to tell him what had happened with Kristen, and what Kristen had overheard.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When life feels like a runaway train

And you’re off the tracks and you’ve lost your way

On the days where only grace will do

I’ll be that for you

Baby, I’ll be that for you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John laid on his cot, his arm thrown over his forehead. He couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Marlena. The feel of her hair in his fingers, her soft body beside his… her warmth, and the sweet taste of her lips. He felt his body reacting. He closed his eyes, and he could still feel her underneath him. “Fuck,” he groaned. What did he want? He could keep fighting it. He could keep trying to push through with his relationship with Kristen. But, did he want that? The answer was no. Kristen had proven too many times that she would believe the lies of her father and her brother before she ever believed in him. He knew what he wanted, and it was Marlena. He cared about Kristen, but it wasn’t a coincidence that an hour of kissing Marlena had turned his focus on her to pinpoint. 

What was stopping him? It was her tear streaked face, etched in pain, as she fell to her knees in the church when Roman found out about their affair. It was the hatred in Roman’s eyes when he’d come face to face with him after learning about Belle’s paternity. It was the pain he felt when Marlena seduced Stefano at Maison Blanche just to save his wretched life. She’d done it for him, and it had only served to push Roman further away. It was knowing that her seduction had led to Stefano’s obsession, and ultimately her loneliness and isolation… led to her possession. John sat up, hating himself. “Fuck. I can’t do this to her again. I can’t pull her back into my life, because all I do is hurt her.”

But he wanted her. He was a selfish fuck, but he wanted her. He wanted her by his side. Their married life had been the best part of his life, and admittedly his life was short. A large portion of it had been lost to Stefano’s machinations. He’d never get that back. But being married to Marlena? It had been idyllic. Family picnics, dinners, weekends at the park, sex during lunch while the kids were at school. John groaned thinking about pushing Marlena skirt up, and bending her over the back of the coach. It was everything he still wanted. That closeness, the friendship. The problem was, was it fair to her if he reached for it? If he reached for her and the possibility of a life together? He was wracked with doubt. What if it failed? Did she care for him? Or was the previous night nothing more than her comforting a friend?

He ran his fingers through his hair in abject frustration, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”

“Should I come back?” Abe asked with a laugh.

John turned around quickly, “No. No… It’s good to see you, partner.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Abe asked in concern. 

John stared at him for a moment, and then he said, “Maybe… yeah, maybe. Have you seen Doc?”

“I saw her outside earlier. She was talking to Kristen,” Abe replied. “But what’s going on with you? I seemed to have walked in on some intense thought.”

“I still love her,” John whispered, approaching the cell bars. He gripped them tightly, and closed his eyes. “I never stopped loving her.”

John hadn’t said he was speaking of Marlena, and yet, Abe knew instinctively that it was Marlena he was talking about. “What about Kristen?”

John threw his hands up in the air, and then rubbed them over his face again. “Shit, Abe! What do you think you walked in on? I care about Kristen. I do…but, Doc?” He saw the change in Abe’s eyes, and he whispered, “Marlena… Fuck. Fuck… I can’t hurt her again. I destroyed her whole life. I ruined her marriage. Stefano targeted her because of me… Sami and Eric will barely speak to her, and it’s all my fault. So, it doesn’t matter how much I love her… I can’t have her. I don’t deserve her.” He crossed the room, staring at Abe. “I made a decision after the fallout from the affair to move on with Kristen.”

“But you’re  in love with Marlena,” Abe stated without blame.

“It was all my fault!” John choked out in pain. “How could I love her, and keep causing her pain? She was better off without me.”

“Was she?” Abe watched John place the blame solely on himself. He wasn’t thinking about the whole picture. “Was she safer, John?”

“What?” he asked.

“Did I ever tell you what happened in Mexico?” Abe could still hear Marlena’s sobs in his ears as she cried over John, and John needed to look at this from a different perspective. He needed to look at it from Marlena’s perspective.

John was confused about why Abe would be bringing up Mexico. “Mexico?”

“That morning you came in from your night on the beach with Isabella? That was the morning you broke Marlena’s heart.” Abe was quiet for a moment as John stared at him silently. “She told me it was unfair.”

“What was unfair?” John asked him softly. The silence of the cellar was buzzing in his ears. He’d asked the question, but he feared the answer.

“She said it was unfair, because I was allowed to love you and Roman… and she wasn’t.” Abe allowed it to sink in for a few seconds, and then he said, “You made the choice to move on with Isabella without even discussing it with her. Have you ever asked yourself why Marlena hasn’t dated anyone since Roman left? It’s not as if she hasn’t had opportunities. She is still young. She’s a beautiful woman, John. So why is she alone?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I’ll be your steady, I’ll be your strong

I’ll be your hold on tight

I’ll be your lazy Sunday at home

Your good time Friday night

I’ll be your sun, I’ll be your rain

I’ll be your dream come true

Baby, everything you need

Baby, I just wanna be that for you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“John?” Marlena called softly as her feet landed at the bottom of the stairs. The door to the cellar was open, and Deputy Dixon had nodded his head as she’d passed him upstairs. Peter had left Aremid to go back to Salem for Christmas with Jennifer, so the local law enforcement had relaxed considerably.

John couldn’t stop the wide smile that came over his face as he watched her brush the snow from her jacket. He laughed with joy, “I was right! It’s snowing out, isn’t it?”

Marlena felt the air leave her lungs. He had no right to be as beautiful as he was. His face was a beacon of light, even in his current situation, he found joy in the snowfall, and he wasn’t even given the privilege of enjoying it. She stared up at him, feeling his happiness might be infectious. “Yeah, it is. Sara said you didn’t eat your lunch.”

John waved her off, reaching for the bars. He leaned closer, watching her. She was love and light. He wanted to soak her up. “Ah, I’ll eat something later.”

Marlena didn’t want to have the conversation about Kristen, but she felt she had to. “I spoke to Kristen.”

She hadn’t come, so John already knew what Marlena was going to say. “She doesn’t want to see me?” He closed his eyes, and then said, “I mean, she does suspect me of cold blooded murder.”

Marlena reached for his hands clenched on the bars. She wrapped her hands over his, “No, John. She was here yesterday.”

He was confused, “Yesterday? Yesterday?”

“Yes,” she said quickly. “When I was here. She overheard you saying – well, wondering if the love that you two shared was as deep as you thought.”

Realization dawned on him. Kristen had been there. She had heard his doubts. But would he change it? Was he wrong? “That must have hurt her so bad,” he whispered. 

Marlena didn’t tell him how spiteful Kristen had been. It was the pain talking, she could give her some grace in that respect. “I tried to tell her. We’re just friends. Nothing more… just friends.”

John saw something flicker in her eyes. Pain. It was so obvious, that he questioned how he’d never seen it before. Abe’s voice echoed in his mind – Have you ever asked yourself why Marlena hasn’t dated anyone since Roman left? It’s not as if she hasn’t had opportunities. She is still young. She’s a beautiful woman, John. So why is she alone? 

He leaned closer, whispering, “Are you sure?”

Marlena’s breath caught in her chest. “Of course we’re friends,” she said softly.

“Just friends?” he asked her intently. “Or more than friends?”

Marlena drifted closer, pulled in by the deep richness of his voice, and the question in his eyes. She wasn’t sure what to say. Fear loomed large inside her. It gripped her heart. It was a vice on her chest. 

Softly he said, “Last night–

“ – we were comforting each other,” she whispered quickly, leaning even closer. She could feel the cool metal against her cheek as she stared up at him.

John was searching her face for any reason – any reason – to bare his soul. He could feel her soft breath against his knuckles. “Is that all?”

She couldn’t admit it. Her love for him was so solid, so concrete. There would never be anyone else. Her words faltered, “I don’t – I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what you’re asking me.”

His heart thundered in his chest, and his words brushed across her lips. “I want to kiss you, again.”

“Okay,” she said in a shaky voice. 

John watched the pink tip of her tongue softly wet her lips, and he almost groaned. He stared at her mouth, and then whispered, “C’mere, Doc.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When you need someone to fight the fight

When you need a North Star in the night

A hand to hold when the days are through

Baby, I’ll be that for you

Baby, I’ll be that for you, oh

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The deputy had brought a table down into the cellar for Marlena to sit at when she visited with John. John had pulled the table inside his cell up on the other side. He couldn’t help smiling at her as they ate their dinner together. It was a nontraditional date to say the least. If it was a date. It certainly felt like a date. Marlena kept giving him shy smiles, and was repairing something inside him that had felt dark and broken for years. It was hope. It was odd, he hadn’t even realized he’d lost hope, but at some point he must have. 

“I’m sorry about Kristen,” Marlena said quietly, putting her fork aside as she spoke. “I’m sorry that she doesn’t believe in you… but I’m not sorry that you found out now. I think it’s better to know who your true friends are, when you need them the most.”

“She believed in me at first,” he replied. “But then all this evidence started piling up on me. You know, Doc, it’s so overwhelming, and I – I don’t know if I’m going to find any proof at all that’s going to clear my name.”

“We will find something.” She couldn’t believe otherwise. She had to believe that for John. For Belle, and for Brady. 

He shook his head, feeling the fatigue of it all wash over him. “I don’t know. Deputy Dixon said that the state police… they’re winding down their investigation because they’re pretty sure they’ve got their man–”

“ – you listen to me!” Marlena said standing up. She pushed her small table aside, and she knelt before him, reaching for him through the bars. “Abe, and Hope, and Bo, and I are not giving up on this!”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “And that is the only thing that’s giving me hope.”

“Well,” she said with a smile, “this is the season for hope.”

“Kristen came to see earlier,” he told her, staring down at their hands.

Marlena was surprised, “She did? After I left?”

He nodded, “She said she loves me, but she just can’t get past the fact that Tony accused me on his deathbed.” He made a noise of frustration, “How can she claim to love me, and doubt me at the same time?”

Marlena laced her fingers through his, “I don’t know.”

He stared into her deep eyes, fascinated by the myriad of colors he found there, “You never doubted me, Doc. Not once.”

“Not once,” she whispered.

John stood up so quickly, his chair fell back with a clatter. He watched Marlena rise up to meet him, and he reached for her through the bars. His fingers cupped the warm skin of her neck under the fall of her hair, and he said roughly, “And that means something doesn’t it?”

Tears filled her eyes, as she thought about how much love she had for the man in front of her. “That means something.”

He needed it to mean something. He needed a chance with her. The circumstances were less than ideal, but he needed that chance with her. “There’s got to be someone out there who can help me, Doc. Someone out there who can come up with the evidence I need to clear myself.”

Marlena pressed her forehead against the bars, “We’re going to figure this out. We will.”

“We don’t know that,” he said.

His depression came at him in waves. There were moments of optimism, followed by periods of despondency. Wanting to cheer him up, she said, “I spoke with the children before dinner.”

“You did?” He smiled, “How are they?”

“Brady says he misses us, and I may have told Belle that you were helping Santa.”

“Do you know how happy I am to have you in my life?” he asked her.

“I will always be here for you.”

He released her neck, and stroked his fingers softly over her face, “I know.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I’ll be your steady, I’ll be your strong

I’ll be your hold on tight

I’ll be your lazy Sunday at home

Your good time Friday night

I’ll be your sun, and I’ll be your rain

I’ll be your dream come true

Baby, everything you need

Baby, I just wanna be that for you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

They both looked towards the doorway, when they heard Mickey say excitedly, “Marlena! Oh, wow! I thought you might be here, and I’m glad. You can be the first to hear the news, along with John, of course.”

She glanced between Mickey, and John with surprised eyes. “What? There’s news?”

Mickey grinned, “Since Peter is in Salem, and can’t voice his objections, I was able to convince the judge to let John out on bail.”

Marlena couldn’t help the gasp of joy that escaped her, as John asked in surprise, “Bail?”

Deputy Cox walked in with the keys, “Merry Christmas, John.”

Marlena’s breath came out in another ragged gasp of relief, and a sob wrenched free of her. He wouldn’t be down here in the dark. He wouldn’t be alone. Mickey’s words barely broke through as he said, “You can’t leave Aremid, but at least you won’t be cooped up in here for Christmas.”

John couldn’t stop staring at Marlena. He barely noticed the screech of metal as the cell door opened. All he wanted was to have her in his arms. He excited his jail cell, and Marlena sobbed again as she fell into him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. 

“Oh,” he said roughly, rubbing his face against her neck. He breathed her in, and then pulled back reaching for Mickey in relief. “Thank you, partner!”

“My pleasure. My pleasure, John.” He glanced between John and Marlena, and he said, “Let’s just hope we can find the truth about Tony’s murder.”

Reaching for Marlena again, John wrapped his arm around her shoulders, staring down at her bright smile and tear filled eyes. “Well, that would be the best present of all wouldn’t it?”

She could stop crying as she fell against him again, breathing in the scent of his soap and the leather of his jacket. Relief had never brought her such happy tears. Her fingers laced into John’s hair, and she barely heard Mickey say goodbye. It wall all John. Every bit of him invaded her senses.

“Doc?” he asked her softly.

She stared up at him, knowing that her mascara was probably smeared and her make up was a mess, but she didn’t care. John wiped at her face, staring at her in awe, “You are an amazing woman.”

Gripping his hair in her fingers, she said, “I want to kiss you again.”

John smiled down at her. Eventually they were going to need to discuss the kissing. What it meant. Where it was leading. But all he said was, “Okay.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Something to lean on

When you need some solid ground

Something you can believe in

When the world has let you down

And if you ever wonder

Well let there be no doubt

I’ll be your steady

I’ll be your steady

And I’ll be your hold on tight

Oh and I’ll be your lazy Sunday at home

Your good time Friday night

Ooh and I’ll be your sun, I’ll be your rain

I’ll be your dream come true

Baby, everything you need

Baby, I just wanna be that for you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Be That For You – Lady A

Chapter 5 – Whisper

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Done with fightin’ all these feelings that are buildin’ in my heart

I don’t know if I will last without you here

You’re my lighthouse in the darkness when the storm is comin’ in

I don’t know where I would be without you here

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena stood in the hallway outside her room, with John standing just behind her. Her hand shook with awkwardness as she tried to maneuver the key in the lock, missing several times before she managed to insert it. “I’m sorry they didn’t have a room available for you, John. I hadn’t realized that so many people would be here for the holidays.”

“It’s fine, Doc,” he said softly. He was nervous. After finding out there were no rooms available, Marlena had offered him the room adjoining hers, since she’d reserved them both. She’d intended it to be for the children and the nanny if they came, but they were still in Salem. Sharing a suite with Marlena took away the prying eyes that had held him in check the night before. 

The moon was already high in the night sky when they entered the room. Marlena’s slim figure was outlined in silvery moonlight as she silently crossed the room, and turned on the lamp casting the room in a soft yellow glow. John closed the door behind him, and heard the latch click loudly. His eyes caught hers and held, until she cleared her throat, saying, “There’s two bedrooms, and a sitting room with a pullout sofa. We also have a shared bathroom.”

John swallowed thickly, unsure of what to do. The telephone rang shrilly, and Marlena jumped at the unexpectedness of it in the tense room. Lifting the receiver, she said, “Hello?”

On the other end of the line, Mike Horton said, “Oh! Thank goodness, Marlena! I’ve been trying to reach you. There was an accident with Stefano. He fell trying to get out of bed, and–” 

“ – why would he do that?” she gasped. He wasn’t anywhere near that point in his recovery that he could walk independently. 

“I’m not sure,” Mike said. “But Celeste is getting him ready to travel back to Salem to spend the holiday with Peter and Jennifer, and he’s asking to see you before he goes.”

Marlena glanced at John and saw that he was watching her intently. The tension between them was so thick she cut through it with a knife. Maybe some space would give her time to think. “I can come over now. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Thank you, Marlena. I’m sorry to bother you on Christmas Eve,” Mike said. She heard the click when he disconnected, and she slowly placed the telephone on the receiver. Turning to face John, she realized he hadn’t moved from his position in front of the door. “That was Mike,” she said quietly. “There was an accident with Stefano. He’s asking to see me before he leaves.”

“Where’s the lousy bastard going?” John asked.

Marlena felt her mouth twitch at the edges, but she refused to smile. John was adorable, even in his fury, but Stefano had no control over things he may have done in his past. “He’s going to Salem to spend Christmas with Peter. Celeste is getting him ready to travel as we speak. I’m going to go, and check on him. Why don’t you get showered, and settled in, and I can grab your luggage from Blake House while I’m there?”

John watched her for a moment, and then resigned himself to her going. He was going to speak with her about the situation with Stefano, but he felt like he had to find the right time. Marlena’s guilt over her actions when she was possessed was still very painful for her. He watched her go towards an armoire, and pull out a bathrobe, as well as a towel and washcloth. She sat them on the bed, and turned to face him.

She wasn’t sure what to say, or even what to do. She could stand frozen in place, and watch him all night, but that would be odd. “Well, um, I’m just going to get my coat and–”

She was a beautiful, gorgeous, awkward, intelligent, vision. She enthralled him. She filled his senses, and as he stood there in that small space surrounded with her scent, he realized that he wasn’t sure he could keep telling himself this was nothing. All he could think about was touching her, holding her, kissing her. He crossed the room in an instant, thinking nothing more than he needed to get as close to her as he could, as quickly as he could. Marlena didn’t have time to even realize what he was about to do. One moment he was staring at her and the next his mouth took hers, and he closed his eyes when she whimpered into him. Softly, gently, his tongue swept between her lips, and he could feel her hands grapple for purchase on his shoulders. It wasn’t enough. It was too soft, and he didn’t want soft. He lifted her against him, turning towards the door, and pressed her against it, never taking his lips from hers.

Marlena felt her heart thunder in her chest. This wasn’t the type of kisses he’d been giving her. This was passion. This was blood pumping, heat inducing, and explosive. It was a storm of emotion, and she wanted it all. Her fingernails dragged across his scalp, and bit at his soft lips, as she gasped, “Oh, G-d!”

Just as quickly as he grabbed her, he stepped away. His hands hung limply at his side, and he said roughly, “When you get back… we need to talk.”

Marlena struggled to speak, and all she could manage was, “Okay.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Am I on your mind? ‘Cause you live in mine

Oh, I’ve realised I’ve been wasting time

Lookin’ in your eyes, there’s my whole damn life

Hold me close tonight in your arms as I whisper

Oh, oh

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John had just finished wrapping the bathrobe around himself when he heard a knock on the door. He rubbed the towel over his hair quickly, and laid it on the vanity before leaving the bathroom. When he answered the door, Mickey and Abe were standing there awkwardly. Mickey said, “John, I really don’t want to bother you with this right now. I know it’s late, but I have the power of attorney paperwork ready for Marlena’s signature. Have you been able to speak with her about it?”

John sighed, running his fingers through his damp hair, “I know, Mickey. G-d, I know. I’ve been going over it in my head for the last hour.” He stepped to the side, allowing them to enter, as he said, “She’s going to panic. She’ll think I’ve given up.”

“You can tell her it’s just a formality,” Micky explained quickly. “Just so that if anything arises while you’re incarcerated she can handle it.”

“She won’t see it that way, and I’ve been thinking about it, Mickey. It’s more complicated than that. I’ve got Brady to think about, and with the way things have been going… the way the evidence is piling up… this might not go my way.” He sighed again, and walked over to the window, looking out onto the snow covered street. The flurries had started again, and the streetlamps cast an orange glow over the drifts. 

“John, man, we’re going to figure this out. We will,” Abe tried to say, but John held up his hand stopping him.

“The other option is marriage,” Mickey suggested. “I know you and Kristen are engaged, and it would be a little abrupt after Tony’s death, but–”

“No,” John said firmly. “Marrying Kristen is not in the cards, and Peter wants me tried, convicted, and executed within the month. Abe, he’s not going to give us any more time.” He paused for a moment glancing out the window. Marlena was walking back along the sidewalk trailing her fingers through the snow at the top of the brick wall beside her, while dragging his luggage behind her. The light of the moonlight on her face made her seem angelic. To John, she was angelic. He turned to face Abe and Mickey. Marlena was his, and he had to stop denying it. Fate kept pushing them together, and this time he was going to reach for what was being offered. “Marlena’s coming back now. Look, let me speak with her, and handle some things. Can you both meet me in front of the pub in three hours? Bring Lexie and Maggie.”

A wide grin came across Abe’s face, and he said, “Yeah, partner. I think we can do that.”

Mickey glanced at Ave, saying, “And I’m guessing you’re going to explain all of this to me?”

“Let’s go,” Abe said. “You’re going to love this.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I will never let you go

I will never let you go

Oh, oh

I will never let you go

I will never let you go, never let you go

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena entered the room, and shrugged out of her white woolen coat. She placed her purse to the side, and then dragged John’s suitcase in behind her. She was grateful that Kristen had already left for Salem, and wasn’t at Blake House to question her taking his bag. She closed the door, and jumped when behind her, John whispered in her ear, “Hey, Doc.”

“Oh! My G-d, John! You scared me!” she said laughing, and smacking at his arm. “What are you doing sneaking up on me?”

“I didn’t realize it would scare you,” he laughed. “Why are you so jumpy?”

Marlena regarded him for a moment, before deciding to be honest with him. The last thing John needed in his life right now was dishonesty. “I’m so worried… about you, about Brady and Belle… I’m scared. For all of us, but especially for you. I’m trying to be strong. I know you need that right now, but Peter being the special prosecutor? It’s such an obvious conflict of interest. I can’t begin to wrap my head around it… I’m scared.”

At least she was admitting it. John knew she was scared. The same way he was. He reached for her hand, rubbing his thumb across her palm gently. “I need to discuss something with you. Do you have any special plans this evening?” he asked her teasingly.

Marlena smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood, saying, “Not unless you count my hot date with my newest medical journal.”

“Are you going to wear those sexy librarian glasses I know you have stashed somewhere?”

Marlena’s eyes went wide, and she couldn’t stop the hoot of laughter that escaped her, as he head fell back. 

“That’s what I like to see,” he whispered, watching her. He traced his fingers over the soft skin of her cheek. “I was hoping to discuss something with you.”

Marlena chuckled, “That sounds ominous.”

He led her towards the end of her bed, and sat down, patting the mattress beside him. He wasn’t sure how to start, but ultimately it didn’t matter. Her reaction would be the same. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I don’t feel good about the last few days, Doc. I’m trying to stay positive, but since I’ve come to Aremid… I’m having more memories of Maison Blanche. I’m hearing the voice of that woman… the same woman I remembered when we were there. And I know you said I was dreaming… but Doc, I swear she was there, with me… right next to me in my cell. I don’t understand how any of it is tied to Aremid, but it is.” John stood up, and started pacing. “I’ve never been here… at least I don’t think I’ve been here.” He scoffed, turning to face her, “But then how would I know, right? It’s just, all of this… what if it doesn’t go my way? If I’m convicted the death penalty is on the table.”

Marlena stood up, approaching him. “John, we’re going to figure this out. We can fight this. We’re going to fight this.”

“Doc, we can fight it, but you can’t promise me I’ll win. No one can… and Peter? He’s going to do everything he can to see me convicted. Where does that leave Brady?” he asked her with a note of fear in his voice. He paused for a long moment, looking into her eyes, and said softly, “I want you to adopt him. I want you to be his mother legally. If something happens to me, I don’t want anyone to have the ability to take him away from you.”

He was talking about Victor. She knew that. John trusted Victor to a certain extent, but Victor Kiriakis wasn’t someone you ever trusted completely. Not if you were smart. The resigned tone of John’s voice scared her. It was as if he’d given up already, before they’d even started truly fighting. It was so unlike John, so out of character. “John, you’re scaring me,” she whispered, running her fingers along his jawline. “This isn’t you.”

He couldn’t keep the emotion out of his voice, even though he tried. “I want Belle and Brady raised together, Doc.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you! You are not going to prison. You are innocent,” Marlena told him, but John didn’t respond, he only gazed at her with the saddest expression.

She felt her chest constrict, and in a soft voice she asked, “What? Do you know something? John… do you think you’re going to be convicted of Tony’s murder?”

He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, and he pulled her close to him. “Calm down, Doc. Nothing’s happened.”

She pushed him away feeling panicky. “You’re talking about making sure Belle and Brady are raised together. You’re asking me to adopt Brady! You’re behaving as if you’re convicted already!”

“I need to go into this knowing he’s taken care of!” John cried. “Please, Doc! I need this! I won’t be able to rest until I know for sure.”

Marlena started to cry as John pulled her back into his arms, running his hands over her back in a soothing manner. He didn’t want to hurt or upset her. That was the last thing he wanted. It was several moments of silence before he dropped his final bombshell of the evening. He’d been thinking about it for most of the day. “I want you to marry me, Doc.”

A sharp flutter of her heart caused her to stop breathing for an instant. He couldn’t have just asked her to marry him. Marlena pulled back from him slightly, looking up at him with wide eyes, “What?”

“I want you to marry me,” he repeated. He’d known she would be surprised, but until that moment, he hadn’t known how much his heart hung on her answer.If she said no, it might destroy him. His heart was pounding a sharp staccato in his chest, and his blood was thundering in his ears. He needed her to say yes.

“I – I’m confused, John,” she said, stepping back. “A few days ago you were with Kristen. You were planning to marry her. A few kisses between us doesn’t mean that you want to marry me! You’re scared—”

“—I know! I know I’m scared. I’m not denying that, Doc. But, I don’t trust anyone else to handle my power of attorney, to keep Brady safe, and raise him with Belle… no one but you… only you.” He could have said more. He wanted so badly to say more. To pour his heart out at her feet and pray that she would salvage it, but his fear held him back. 

She watched his eyes fill with tears, and it nearly broke her heart to see him so upset. She knew he loved Kristen, and Kristen had torn out his heart when she walked out. He may not love her, but Marlena wanted to be the one to fix it. She reached out, and wiped the tears from his eyes with her thumbs. Marrying John, when he loved someone else, might break her heart all over again, but she would do it… because she loved him, and the way he’d been kissing her, maybe, just maybe, he could love her again someday. Softly, she traced her fingers across his mouth, “Okay.”

His breath shuddered in his chest. “Okay?”

“Yes,” she said, still staring up at him. “I’ll marry you. You’re my best friend, John. You’re my whole heart, and if you want this… if you’re asking me to do this, for your peace of mind, then the answer is absolutely, yes.”

It was for much more than his peace of mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. When their affair had ended two years earlier, the fallout had damaged her family, ruined her marriage, and made her vulnerable to Stefano DiMera and demonic possession. His love for her had nearly destroyed her, so he held himself back from saying what he really felt, instead saying, “You’re my whole heart, too, Doc.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You look peaceful as you’re sleepin’, wonder what you dream about

Where’d you go with your eyes closed, what’s on your mind

I still love you, if you leave, darlin’ take a piece of me

All these memories of you keep me alive

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena was mostly silent as John made arrangements. He somehow arranged to have marriage bands delivered, secure a license, and arrange to meet Father Fisher at the church for a midnight ceremony. She would be marrying John just as the bells rang in Christmas. It felt significant, but she pushed down those emotions of hope. John cared about her, there was no denying that, but she had to be honest with herself, caring about her didn’t mean he loved her. 

How many times had she dreamt of marrying him? Those were the nights she woke to find her pillow soaked with tears, and her heart broken all over again. She couldn’t allow herself to read too much into this. This was for John’s comfort. It was for Brady and Belle. That was all. It couldn’t be more.

John hung up the telephone, and turned to find her watching him from the end of the bed. “Do you have something to wear?” he asked her softly.

Marlena looked at him in surprise, “Do I need something nice? Isn’t this just a formality?”

“Oh, no, Doc,” he said with a grin. “We’re gettin’ hitched. You need a fancy dress.”

She couldn’t help smiling back at him and laughing, “Well, I guess I have a little something…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Am I on your mind? ‘Cause you live in mine

Oh, I realised I’ve been wasting time

Lookin’ in your eyes, there’s my whole damn life

Hold me close tonight in your arms as I whisper

Oh, oh

I will never let you go

I will never let you go, never let you go

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Whisper – Myles Smith

Chapter 6 – Keep Me Crazy

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I can hear a voice from the other side of the room

It says, yeah, I live a lie cause I like it more than the truth

I made my piece, I’m one with the war

But here you are without any warning

I’m out of breath but I got to say, say, say, say, say

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena stared down at her pleated white skirt, and her soft beige cashmere sweater. John had gotten her that sweater. When she’d returned to Salem, after being presumed dead for almost five years, she’d found it tucked in a box in his closet, as if he could bear to part with it. Sami had told her once that he sometimes took it out and showed it to her, and that John said she could have it someday. When she’d exited the bathroom wearing it, he’d smiled and clicked his tongue in appreciation. She fingered the edge of the hem, smiling shyly to herself as she remembered it. It was now part of her wedding ensemble. She self consciously smoothed her hands over it as they reached the bottom of the stairs. 

John lifted her wool wrap he was carrying. “Here, Doc. Put this on. It’s cold out tonight.”

He draped the warm fabric over her shoulders, and kissed her cheek, “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” she whispered. And she was. She was more than ready. It was possible that when all of this was over, John would want to reconnect with Kristen, but while Marlena had him, she was going to love him with all her heart. She smiled up at him, “I’m ready.”

“I told some people to meet us out front,” he said, lacing his fingers through hers. “That way we’ll have witnesses.”

John was surprised to see that Bo and Hope had joined Abe, Lexie, Mickey, and Maggie out front. He glanced over, and Marlena’s shy smile made it all worthwhile. He knew she’d only agreed to a hasty wedding because it was the best for the children, especially Brady, but he thought she looked beautiful, and she seemed happy. 

Mickey patted John on the back, and leaned towards him as they started walking. In low tones, he said, “I think you’ve made the right choice here, John.”

John glanced towards Marlena, realizing she was caught up in chatter with Lexie, and Hope, and he said, “I know I’m making the right choice.”

“I’m not surprised,” Hope said to Marlena.

“You’re not?” Marlena asked her.

“He watches you,” Hope told her. “He’s constantly got his eyes on you.”

Lexie smiled when Marlena’s eyes widened in surprise. “Even when he should have been focused on Kristen… Marlena, John always knows where you are in a room.”

Marlena glanced over at John, watching as he conversed with Mickey. Was that true? Her chest fluttered when he looked at her, and winked. The realization that she was about to become his wife caused a tremble to start in her muscles, and she knew John could feel it, when he squeezed her hand and leaned towards her, “Are you having second thoughts?”

“No,” she replied. “No… just… nerves. I’m nervous.”

He grinned at her, pulling her close, and wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “No need to be nervous, baby. We’ve done this before.”

Baby. She shivered against him, and buried her face in his shoulder for a short moment. He’d called her baby, and that one word opened her heart wide. How badly she wanted their life together. Her, John, Brady, Belle… the twins – if they would forgive her. It was all she wanted.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Darling, lately

I’ve been walking blind in the dark, never see the sun

You could save me

Give a little heat to the heart that was born to run

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Father Fisher had gotten some assistance for lighting the candles in the church. All of the candles that had been lit for the Christmas Eve Mass earlier were re-lit, casting the inside of the church in a beautiful flickering glow. It was rare that he was called to oversee late night weddings, but this one was special for a few reasons. 

Father Fisher knew John Black. Although John didn’t know Father Fisher. They had attended seminary together in New Orleans. Father John had been studious, and dedicated to the priesthood. While Father Fisher had chosen to go to the parish in Aremid, Father John had stayed in New Orleans. Fast forward several years, they had crossed paths again, and Father John was a changed man. He seemed as if he’d never known Father Fisher, and Father Fisher felt it was best not to mention it. John had been cold, distant, and reserved. He was certainly not the same Father Black that Father Fisher had known in youth. Then, there was the present. John Black was no longer a priest, and as had been the case before, he didn’t remember any of his earlier life.

Living in Aremid had opened Father Fisher’s eyes to things that were often unexplainable. The town held a general feeling of unease that settled into every building, every tree, and every corner.  He attributed that to Stefano DiMera. He was not a man a person crossed if they were wary, and from what he gathered, John Black had crossed him more than once.     

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was love in a minute, G-d, I admit it

Let’s make a break for the door

Be my baby

Keep me crazy

Wo-oh-oh-oh

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe watched as John and Marlena said their wedding vows at Saint Michael’s chapel in Aremid. The ceremony was simple, no flowers, no fancy clothes… no real wedding dress, but in the three hours John had asked for, he had managed to get a license, a priest, an unexpected bride, and wedding rings. Watching them, Abe was struck by the obvious bond, and love they had for one another, although he knew, they each kept that to themselves. 

John stared at Marlena in awe. The candlelight flickered across her skin, and her blonde hair was lit like a halo around her face. Those beautiful hazel eyes that filled his dreams nearly every night stared up at him, and the softest smile turned her mouth at the corners. She was beauty personified, and he was so in love it took his breath away.

When Father Fisher told John he could kiss the bride, he looked at Marlena for a moment, caressing the line of her jaw with the backs of his fingers. He watched as her eyes widened slightly, and her intake of breath caused her lips to part slightly. She was anticipating his kiss. He leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers so gently. He’d meant for it to be short, almost perfunctory. After all they had people in their lives who were watching. But Marlena moaned so sweetly into the recesses of his mouth, and her tongue peeked out to taste him. He was lost. Her flavor exploded into his senses, and her mouth – the taste, and the feel – was like coming home. He held her face in place, fully intending to step back, but he couldn’t. Without thought his tongue swept in. He kissed her again, more forcefully. She was his wife. Just knowing that she was his, and he was hers in the eyes of G-d was overwhelming. His fantasies had manifested, and he was filled with it. Hungry for her, he wrapped one of his arms around her waist tugging her closer, while the other threaded through her hair gripping tightly. It was second nature. Marlena would feel the sting of it in her scalp and she would weep for it. He knew that.

She whimpered as pleasurable pain shot through her body. It was the same level of intensity from earlier. When he’d pushed her against the door. This was nothing like the soft romantic kisses of the past few days. The small moan that came from her urged him on, as he changed the angle of his head, and softly swept his tongue alongside hers. It was only when Micky cleared his throat that Marlena pulled back, and stared at him, breathless. Her eyes were half-lidded, and her lips were puffy. He wanted her… badly, and from the way she was looking at him, it was definitely reciprocated. John just smirked at her with a small smile, while reaching for her hand and threading his fingers through hers.

Father Fisher smiled as he announced, “May I introduce Mr. and Mrs. John Black.”

Their friends cheered, and Marlena prayed that she wouldn’t wake the following day to find that it was all another dream.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cheap Wine, head spins, start to fall (Ooh-ooh)

Lights down, heart wins, shake it all (Ooh-ooh)

I wave my flag, I’m done with the war

You grab my hand, without any warning

I’m on the edge, you pull me away, way, way, way, way

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was well after one in the morning when they all gathered in the sitting room of Marlena’s suite. Wine was poured and toasts were given, and the whole time Marlena couldn’t take her eyes off of John. There was something in the intensity that she couldn’t read, or maybe she told herself she was reading it wrong. It was so familiar, but it scared her. It scared her because it made her want things.

John leaned forward where he sat at the table, and finally tore his eyes away from Marlena, saying, “I think we all need to agree to keep this marriage quiet. For one, I’m not entirely certain that Stefano has amnesia–”

“ – John,” Marlena started to say. 

“No. Hear me out, Doc. He’s faked his death too many times, he could fake this too. Or, let’s say he does have amnesia, but his memory starts to return… would he hide that from you? If he’s still obsessed with you… my guess is yes, absolutely he would hide that.” He looked at Marlena for a moment. “Knowing that we are married might be cause for him to try and kidnap you again. To get you away from me, and if I’m locked up I won’t be able to protect you.”

Bo looked between John and Marlena, and he said, “I’ve got to agree with John on this Marlena. We don’t know what he might do, and I think to be on the safe side–”

“ – I agree,” Abe said quickly. “Then there’s the issue of John being engaged to Kristen. It’s not been officially broken off has it?”

“Shit,” John mumbled. He glanced at Marlena, “I haven’t had a chance, and finding out about this will hurt her.”

Marlena glanced down, not wanting John to see the stab of pain in her eyes. He was right of course, Kristen would be hurt if she found out, but even still it made Marlena’s heart ache. Quietly she said, “There’s also Sami and Eric to consider. I’m trying to repair those relationships… and I’m not sure how they would take the news of this, especially since Roman had just left.”

“It would definitely cause more negative media attention if it’s discovered,” Mickey said thoughtfully. “John being accused of killing his fiance’s husband is bad. Remarrying Marlena within a week… wouldn’t be a favorable look.”

John reached for Marlena’s hand under the table, and stroked his thumb across her palm, “Are you okay with keeping this a secret, Doc?”

“Yes.” She thought about it for a moment, “I understand all of the reasons, and we can discuss where we go from here once we prove your innocence.” She glanced down quickly, and said, “I mean with the marriage.”

John wanted to tell her that they would stay together. Now that they were married, he wasn’t letting her think that they wouldn’t be together. The room was quiet, and then Maggie yawned.

Mickey cleared his throat, “I think it’s time we all get some sleep.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Darling, lately

I’ve been walking blind in the dark, never see the sun

You could save me

Give a little heat to the heart that was born to run

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena stood in front of the chest of drawers, watching as John  gently removed her wedding ring. It was a delicate gold band, simple in design, but the simple act of removing it was making her ache inside. John opened a drawstring bag made of velvet, and slid their bands inside, tucking them away in the top drawer. She closed her eyes, trying to keep him from seeing how upset she was. She was being ridiculous, and she knew why they had to hide their marriage. 

Marlena slowly rubbed her finger over where the ring had been, and remembered John’s kiss in the chapel. It had held a familiar tension reminiscent of their early days together, or their time together during the affair. Although neither one of them had mentioned love, the attraction was still there. There was no escaping that. The soft kisses, and the gentle touches combined with the longing looks. In the church, she’d felt as if his kiss would consume her, and when he’d laced his fingers through her hair, and tightened his grip, a thrill, followed by a pulsing ache began in her center. She’d wanted him so much that she’d moaned into his mouth, and forgotten where she was.

John watched Marlena touch the bare skin where her wedding band had sat moments before. Earlier, when he mentioned their marriage hurting Kristen, he saw sadness in Marlena’s eyes. It had been fleeting, but it was there. She’d tried to hide it by glancing away. They hadn’t discussed their feelings for one another when he had asked her to marry him earlier. He had held back, mostly out of fear that she didn’t feel the same. Loving her had been something he’d been doing in secret for years. He closed the drawer, and almost scoffed at himself. He was being an idiot. She didn’t love him.

They had stuck firmly to the friend zone since her marriage to Roman ended because of their affair. Both of them were too afraid to cross that line again because of the fall-out they experienced the first time. But, the kiss in the chapel, he wasn’t so sure. Marlena had walked away, and she stood at the window looking down over the street below. The snow was falling again in gentle flurries, and he knew they would wake in a few hours to a white Christmas. Glancing at the clock, he noticed it was nearing three o’clock. It was already Christmas. 

He quietly walked up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her body back into his. Taking a deep breath of her, his face nuzzled into her hair, almost of its own volition. “Merry Christmas, Doc.”

He heard Marlena’s soft intake of breath, and felt her body stiffen. Was he being too familiar? Releasing her, he stepped around her body, and faced her, tipping her chin up so he could look into her eyes. “I’m not sure what’s okay and what isn’t. I want to be able to reach for, and hold you, but if you don’t want that–”

“I’m still trying to process. Last week… last week we were arguing in the pent house, and now–”

“ – now you’re my wife,” he whispered. She continued to stare up at him, nodding her head slowly. She let out a soft breathe and the air brushed the sensitive skin on the inside of his wrist. It was so familiar. That look in her eyes. How many times had she looked at him like that when they were married? He hadn’t allowed himself to think about it. “Doc?”

“Hmmm?” Her heart was racing so fast she could feel her own pulse beating in her neck. John fingers danced along the column of her neck, and she knew he could feel her pulse under them.

John was almost undone by what he saw. Her face, her eyes, her half parted lips, and the way her tongue darted out quickly to wet them… he knew she wanted him, and it blew his mind. The muscles in his abdomen tightened. How had he not known this, when it was so evident in her right then? His thumb dragged over her bottom lip, and he leaned closer, staring at her mouth. “I want to kiss you again.”

Words escaped her. She was so turned on, she thought she might come just from the sound of his voice, or the feel of his finger across her lips. Staring up at him, she nodded her head slowly in affirmation. She was afraid to speak, as if the sound of her own voice might break the spell he had cast around them. John remembered another time when she had looked at him like that, nodding her head in assent. They’d ended up on a conference table in Titan Publishing. He’d thought he could never love her more. He’d been wrong. Leaning towards her, he wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her closer, and whispered softly over her lips, “Come here, baby.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was love in a minute, G-d, I admit it

Let’s make a break for the door

Be my baby

Keep me crazy

Wo-oh-oh-oh

Cheap wine, head spins, start to fall

Oh-oh-oh, lights down, heart wins, shake it all

Darling, lately

I’ve been walking blind in the dark, never see the sun

You could save me…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

SONG: Keep Me Crazy (Acoustic) – Sheppard

Chapter 7 – Rush Rush

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You’re the whisper of a summer breeze

You’re the kiss that puts my soul at ease

What I’m saying is, “I’m into you”

Here’s my story and the story goes

You give love, you get love

And more than heaven knows

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John’s mouth played over hers softly. Tender, gentle kisses that left her breathless and staring up at him silently begging for more. He leaned over her, stroking her jaw with the back of his fingers, and then he slowly lapped the tip of his tongue over the seam of her lips, causing her to open her mouth further. Dipping deep into her mouth, he breathed in her gasp, making her breath part of him. His heart was a stampede in his chest, and her pulse under his fingers told a similar story. Where were they going? He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted her, but they hadn’t even discussed the boundaries in this marriage. Would there be boundaries, or would he be free to love her the way he’d been aching to for years? When her fingers dug into his hair, pulling at it, and her fingernails raked over his scalp, he groaned out loud, roughly pulling her hips into his. Marlena gasped softly, and his mouth traveled along her jawline, licking over her skin, and biting at her earlobe. 

She wanted to stop him, and ask him where this was going, and at the same time she was afraid to. Stopping the momentum of whatever they were leading up to wasn’t something she wanted to do, but she knew that eventually a conversation would have to happen. Roughly, she bit John’s lower lip, whining in the back of her throat. He pulled back, looking at her with eyes so filled with need and arousal they looked almost black. She tugged his hair, pulling his mouth back to hers as she groaned, “Kiss me.”

His hot breath wafted across her swollen lips in relief. Kissing he could do. As much kissing  as she wanted. “Fuck yes.” 

His hands trembled, when he caressed over her hips, sliding underneath the hem of her sweater. His palms encountered the slick satin of her camisole, and he could picture her a hundred different ways in that one familiar undergarment. He slid his fingers under the waistband of her skirt, and tugged, realizing it was a separate piece. The heat of her skin under his fingers made him feel frenzied, and he scraped his fingernails across her lower back with a growl. He wanted to bury himself in her.

The rough sounds of John’s breathing, caused Marlena to make her own sounds of need, her high pitched gasps breaking the quiet of the room. The feel of his rough palm across her skin was something she’d dreamed of since their last time together. “John, oh G-d! John,” she panted in his ear. This was not just a kiss, this was an inferno, and she wanted to be destroyed. All of the dreams, and the fantasies from her mind, put together, could not equal the reality of actually being in his arms. She wanted him, all of him. Her hands slid slowly up his chest, and began pushing his dark blue suit jacket off of his shoulders. It hit the floor, and she swept her palms across his heated shirt front. She wanted to touch him, and run her fingers through his dark chest hair. She ached for it. “I want to see you,” she whispered.

John growled again, biting her cheek, and then lapping over it gently with his tongue. Standing before her, he started to unbutton his shirt. “You’re sure?”

She nodded, swallowing thickly. She wanted to see all of him, and whatever was about to happen between them, she wasn’t going to stop it. He slowly parted his dress shirt, and pulled it from the waistband of his slacks, dropping it next to his jacket. She moaned out loud when her palms finally ran over the warm skin of his muscular shoulders. His skin felt like it was on fire, with a fine sheen of sweat. Unable to hold herself back, she roughly started pulling at the ribbed cotton of his tank top, desperate to get her hands on him. Her short, manicured nails raked over his lower back, and she sighed. “Please… please…”

John’s cock was throbbing painfully. This was moving so quickly, and they hadn’t talked about it. He wanted Marlena like he had never wanted any other woman. With Marlena there was no restraint. Together they had a chemistry that was explosive. If they consummated their marriage, there would be no way he would ever be able to let her go. John stopped kissing her. Burying his fist in her hair, he tugged, pulling her head back so she was forced to look at him. Her wide eyes stared up at him, and her lips parted in arousal, “Doc, I want you. I want you so much, but I need to know if you want —”

“—Yes,” she gasped. She knew what he was asking, he didn’t even need to finish saying it. Her body was trembling so hard, she was physically shaking. She whimpered as he continued to stare down into her eyes. 

“You’re sure?” he asked, needing to be sure that she wouldn’t change her mind. 

“I’m sure,” she whispered. She started to pull up the hem of his tank top, and John released her, stepping back to pull it over his head. He stepped closer, reaching for the hem of her sweater. Marlena lifted her arms above her head, allowing him to remove it. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her. She’d wonder about where they were going from here tomorrow. Words weren’t necessary. Completely in the moment, Marlena threaded her fingers into his black hair, and she pulled his mouth back down to hers. He groaned, low and deep, and her senses exploded, when she felt her body lifted up and slammed against the closet door. Her gasp filled the room, and then John was kissing her again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You’re gonna see

I’m gonna run, I’m gonna try

I’m gonna take this love right to ya

All my heart, all the joy

Oh, baby, baby, please

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He stared down at her, memorizing the look of her wet, swollen lips, and the way her eyes seemed wider than usual as she looked at him. It was so natural, as if they had never been apart. He reached for her wrists, sliding her arms above her head. Pinning them there, his ragged breaths felt heated and moist as it wafted across her neck and collarbone. Marlena whined. Her body betrayed her. There was no hiding the effect he was having on her. Underneath her camisole her nipples peaked, and her breasts felt heavy and swollen. She could never hide what he did to her. It was so powerful there would be no fighting it. On Victor’s plane, John had dominated her. In the Titan conference room, he had consumed her. Both times she had welcomed it.

John’s breath was coming in ragged pants, as he pushed the length of his body against hers. He groaned, feeling his engorged cock as it pushed into the rounded softness of her abdomen. 

“Awww… fuck. Are you sure about this?” John rasped against her neck. He took a deep breath, taking in the scent of her perfume that was so familiar to him. He rested his forehead on hers, staring into her flashing hazel eyes. “Because, I don’t think I can stop. I don’t want to stop. You do this to me, Doc. Only you… G-d! You make me fucking crazy.”

She bucked against him with a panicked whine, and that was her answer. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop. She felt the bite of his teeth on her neck, and then she heard his rough question, “Do you have a condom?”

“No,” she gasped. “We don’t need one.” 

“Doc?” he asked her in confusion. They didn’t need one because she was on birth control? They didn’t need one because she didn’t care if she got pregnant? 

“Menopause, John…” She pushed her breasts against him. “Less talk. More kissing.” 

Her body bucked against his again, but he refused to release her hands, holding her wrists tightly with one hand, while his other moved to unzip her skirt. He watched it fall to the floor, and then stared in awe at her rounded hips covered in a sliver of white lace. 

“Fuck, baby…” John released her arms, and slid to the floor in front of her. His hands pushed up the length of her thighs, and he leaned forward breathing in the musky scent of her arousal, almost as if he were worshiping her body. He ran the tip of his nose over her mound, and growled deep in his chest. The laced edged stockings that wrapped around her thighs were his undoing. “So fucking beautiful,” he whispered, licking across the sensitive skin just above them. He reached down, slipping her heels off of her feet one at a time, and then he stared up her body. “Take the camisole off, Doc.”

She reached for the hem, slowly pulling it up the length of her body. She felt the satin catch on the rounded fullness of her breasts, causing them to lift and fall as she pulled it over her head. John slid his palms up her abdomen, cupping them both, and then he leaned forward, dipping the tip of his tongue into her navel. He licked his way across the elastic of her panties, and pushed his hands up the back of her thighs, cupping her ass. The ache in her pussy started to throb, and ache deep inside her. “John… I need you.”

“What do you need, baby?” His fingers slipped deeper, behind and between her legs, squeezing her flesh so hard the ache became painful. He knew what he was doing. He knew her body. He dreamed of her body. She pushed her pussy towards his face, whining in need, and still he demanded, “Tell me what you need?”

“I need to come,” she gasped. “Please.”

John knew he had come home. Marlena was his life. She was who he was supposed to be, and they would discuss that. Soon. But first, he needed to help alleviate some of her tension. Looping his fingers in the elastic of her panties, he started to pull them down over her hips. The scent of her arousal hit him, and his cock surged in his slacks. Leaning forward he bit her mound, and Marlena cried out in ecstasy, “Oh, G-d! More!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Rush, rush

Hurry, hurry, lover, come to me

Rush, rush

I wanna see, I wanna see you get free with me

Rush, rush

I can feel it, I can feel you all through me

Rush, rush

Ooh, what you do to me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Desperate to touch her, to taste her, his fingers roughly tugged the lace of her panties down her legs. Marlena pulled one foot free, and whimpered when she felt his heated breath on her sex. John separated her swollen folds, staring openly at her sex for a moment. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks, but she didn’t move to stop him. Slowly, he pushed one finger into her pussy while his thumb rubbed softly over her clit. “Is that good?”

“No!” she cried. He knew it wasn’t enough. He was teasing her. He was making her beg. “John… darling! Please!” 

He pushed a second finger into her pussy, and rubbed more roughly over her swollen clit. With a cheeky grin, he asked her softly, “What about now?”

Her hips bucked, and she could feel his hot breath on her. Inside her channel, she felt the press of his fingers against her g-spot, and she closed her eyes as blackness and sparks lit behind her eyelids. Her head fell back against the wall, and she cried out in pleasure, “More!”

Lifting her leg, he pulled it over his shoulder and leaned forward. Pulling his hand back, he licked her essence off of his fingers slowly, watching her stare down at him while trying to keep herself in check. He was going to make her come. She knew that, but when it came to sex, Marlena never had much patience. He stared at her clit, swollen and hard, and then he sucked it into his mouth roughly, and Marlena was gone. Soaring, while tugging his hair, and pushing her pussy into his mouth. His cock was so hard, he thought he might weep from it. After she came down enough to be coherent, she looked ravaged, and it turned him on even more. He did that to her, and he planned to do much more.

John stood up, unfastening his pants, allowing them to drop it carelessly to the floor. Marlena reached for his length, and his head fell back. She slid her small hand along his swollen cock, rubbing her thumb over the tip, spreading his viscous fluid. “Aww… Marlena… shit…yes, more.” 

He stepped closer, closing his eyes for a brief moment, feeling the sensations building at the base of his spine. Reaching behind her, he lifted her body, sliding her up the wall. Staring into her eyes, he whispered, “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” she said softly. “Make love to your wife.”

“My wife,” he growled, slipping the tip of his cock into her heated depths. He pushed in slightly, and then pulled out with a groan. She was so hot and so tight, he thought he might pass out. He pushed in more deeply, feeling her stretch around him.

Marlena groaned. He was so thick, and it had been so long. She panted softly, “Slow down. Oh, G-d…”

“Am I hurting you?” he asked.

“No… no, it’s just – it’s been a long time,” she whispered. 

Something in her eyes had him asking, “How long?”

“The Titan conference room,” she groaned, feeling him sink deeper into her. Her body shook with arousal, and he slipped deeper.

John couldn’t believe what she was saying. The last time she’d made love had been with him. At Titan. He would get the details later, but he felt his cock get thicker, and he pushed deeper inside her. The tip bumped her cervix, and she whined. Malena hasn’t had sex in nearly three years, and he was determined to make sure she was absolutely destroyed. Leaning against her body, he groaned, “I was the last person to make love you… fuck…”

He pulled out, and then pushed back in. He was turned on by that knowledge. She threaded her fingers into his hair, forcing him to look at her, and she said softly, “You were the last person I was with… you.”

His arms wrapped around her waist, and her legs linked around his hips, and then he was moving them towards the bed, with a growl. He pushed up inside her, pulling her body down so he was as deep as he could go, and he growled, “You’re mine.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he held her against him, trying to get control of his breathing. Marlena leaned forward, licking across his lips. “I’m yours.” And it was as close to a declaration of love as either of them had gotten.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

And all I want from you is what you are

And even if you’re right next to me

You’re still too far away

If I’m not inside your arms

I get dramatic, baby, yes, I know

But I need you, I want you

Oh man, I love you so, ooh-ooh

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena leaned forward, grinding her hips into his in an attempt to seat him as deeply as possible, and bit at his neck in desperation. Both of his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, pinning her to him, while he lifted her, and rolled her onto her back. He pulled out, pushing back inside her roughly, “Marlena… oh, fuck, Marlena… you’re mine. Mine.”

She was his. She’d always been his, and maybe soon she would tell why. In the meantime, she allowed herself to be swept away with the taste of him, the scent of his skin, and the feel of his body as he pushed into her. Every slide of his cock pulled and rubbed at her clit. Every bump against her cervix pushed her higher, and higher, until she fell into an orgasmic abyss, and then John exploded with her. He was lost in her.

He could feel every shake and tremble of her body, and her screams of ecstasy pushed him over the edge with her. As her body calmed, and the sweat cooled on her skin, he held her in his arms amazed at where they found themselves within one short week. He was being charged with a murder he didn’t commit, and he was going to have to prove his innocence, but would he have found his way back into Marlena’s arms any other way? He wasn’t so sure. He somehow managed to get their naked bodies under the blanket, and as he kissed Marlena’s soft cheek, he heard her whisper as she fell asleep, “I love you.”

He buried his face in her hair, closing his eyes, and he told her, “I love you, too.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You’re gonna see

I’m gonna run, I’m gonna try

I’m gonna take this love right to ya

All my heart, all the hoy

Oh, baby, baby, please…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Rush Rush – Paula Abdul

Chapter 8 – Only Love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Darling, you’re with me, always around me

Only love, only love

Darling, I feel you under my body

Only love, only love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hours later, just as the late morning sunshine was moving across the floor, Marlena woke to the feel of John’s chest against her back, with his arm slung over her hip, and his fingers buried between her legs, slowly stroking along her moist folds. He’d pulled her thigh back and over his his, opening her to his ministrations. She sighed. It felt so good. What a glorious way to wake up. The soft, gentle glide of his fingers over her flesh. Still coming out of her sleep, she gave a contented hum as the ache inside her started to build. Pushing her head back against him, she twisted her neck so that she could kiss his neck. The saltiness of his skin burst on her tongue, and she moaned softly, closing her eyes. 

John’s breath rushed over her ear, when he whispered in a husky voice, “I want you again, Doc… I can’t get enough of you…”

She pushed back against him, pulling him closer. Moaning softly, she wrapped her arm up around his neck, pulling his mouth to hers. She whispered, “I’m yours… John, I always have been…”

He paused, staring down at her with questions in his eyes. “Have you?”

Her face told him everything even as she whispered, “Yes.”

Rolling her onto her back, John studied her face intently. “We’re going to discuss this.”

Marlena smiled softly, reaching up to cup his jaw with love shining from her eyes, “I know.”

He leaned down with a soft growl, nipping at her collarbone. “We’re definitely going to discuss all of this.”

Marlena gasped softly, arching up into him, “Okay.” 

“A long talk,” he groaned, licking a path between her breasts.

Marlena’s breath came quicker, “Absolutely.” Her fingers threaded into his hair, and she closed her eyes in pleasure.

“But first,” he told her, “I need you again.” John’s lips latched onto her nipple, sucking deeply, as he settled himself between her thighs. “I need you so much, Doc. Your body is like a drug to me, and I can’t get enough.”  

“Oh, G-d… yes… please.” Marlena’s back arched up off of the bed seeking the roughness of his chest hair against her sensitive breasts, and her nails dug into his shoulders. He knew her body. He knew it better than she thought she did. Another soft moan escaped her when John lifted her breast, licking along the underside in a languid manner. 

“You are so perfect, Doc… so fucking perfect.” He rested his weight on her, sliding his hands up her arms. His eyes were riveted on her naked body underneath him as he pinned her hands above her head, watching the way her breasts lifted. Marlena’s soft skin against his, the scent of their lovemaking, and the look of arousal in her eyes was his undoing. There was no way he could continue to hide his true feelings. “Why did I ever let you go?” he murmured, licking her neck, and biting at the skin behind her ear. His teeth nipped at her jaw, and he groaned when his hips pushed forward and his cock slid through the warmth awaiting him. John’s tongue lapped over the seam of her lips, and she spread her legs wider, cradling his hips. “I should have fought for you… I love you, I have always, and will always, love you,” he told her, slowly sliding his cock along the satin warmth between her legs. “I can’t keep denying that. I can’t… being with you is like coming home.” 

“Then don’t deny me,” she whispered against his lips. “Show me. Show me how much you love me, John.” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Give me shelter or show me heart

Come on, love, come on, love

Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John’s hips pushed against her slowly, his length sliding along her moist folds. When his cock bumped her clit, she gasped softly. His slow seduction was driving her higher, and higher. She cried out breathlessly, “G-d! John, you feel so good!”

He released her hands, raising up on his haunches, and then he slid his hands underneath her, lifting her hips up to his. With deliberate slowness, he slid into her moist warmth, and they both groaned in ecstasy. Marlena’s hands clenched in the bedsheets underneath her, and John rolled his hips, pushing deeper, “I’m never going to be able to let you go…”

He was telling her this was forever, if she wanted it. A tear slipped from her eye, trailing over her cheek, as she stared up at him. “Then don’t. Don’t ever let me go, John.”

He eased himself out, and then pushed back into her welcoming body with a groan. She was his, and that broke something inside of him in the best way. Reaching down he lifted her body up, holding her against him as he pushed deep inside her. He could feel her tears against his shoulder. “Look at me, baby.” Lifting her eyes, she stared up at him, and John said quietly, “This is our second chance.”

“I thought I lost you,” she whispered, still crying. “And now I’ve gotten you back.”

John kissed her softly. He tried to keep his body calm but the heat of her surrounding him, and the promise of a life with her was almost too much. A life with Marlena was the thing his dreams were made of. Gently, he asked her, “We’re going to do this?”

“Get this,” she said softly. “You’re stuck with me.”

He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face as he remembered the first time she’d told him that in the woods of Gauley Valley. “You promise?”

Touching his face with tenderness, she said, “I promise.”

John groaned, feeling his cock jerk inside her. It had always been so easy between them. It still was. Gripping her hips, he pulled her closer, getting lost in her eyes. “I love you, Marlena… I love you…”

Sensation flowed through her body, and Marlena sighed, “John Black, I have never stopped loving you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And I’ll be yours to keep

A wind in the shadow, a whale song in the deep

A wind in the shadow, a whale song in the deep

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John held Marlena in his arms well after they should have been up and about for the day. He couldn’t bear to let her go. It was her warmth, the satin caress of her skin, and the scent of her body. All of it so achingly familiar, and a balm to his tortured soul. “I realized I still loved you when you were possessed,” he said softly. “After everything was over, and you were safe… I couldn’t bear to be away from you. I was so scared… but the guilt. The guilt of our affair, and everything that came with that, kept me from telling you. It kept me from reaching for you, and instead, I ran.”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, before she said, “I wanted you… even as the devil was drawing you in and I knew it was wrong, there was a part of me that was aware of what was happening. I can still remember the way your hands felt on my skin when we were on the beach at Smith Island. I knew it was dangerous, but there was a part of me that woke up that day… I had felt so sad and so lost for such a long time. The pain in your face, the anguish… as much as I hated it, it reassured me that you still cared. And when it was all over, when I was safe again… I felt ashamed of those emotions. I feel ashamed for a lot of things I did during that time.”

John smoothed his palm along the bare skin of her hip. She was so soft, and her curves were sinful. He sighed, “We’re going to have to talk about your interaction with Stefano.”

“I know,” she said. “He’s better now. He’s stronger, and he has Celeste, and he can travel… but he still depends on me.”

“I don’t trust it.” John would never trust anything Stefano DiMera did, but he especially didn’t want him around Marlena. “You know… when we argued at the Penthouse, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I’m worried… no, I’m terrified, Doc. I need you to be terrified. I need you to remember what he’s capable of, because when Peter comes back to Aremid the first thing he’s going to do is revoke my bail. I need to know that you’re safe. I have to believe that you’re safe.”

She looked up at him, sliding her palm up his chest. “I can start to put some distance between myself and Stefano. I think you’re right. It’s time, and…”

Her voice trailed off and John lifted his head slightly, looking down at her. “What aren’t you telling me, Doc?”

“Stefano has… well he’s behaving differently. I saw a change in his eyes the other day. We were speaking about Tony’s death and the evidence against you, and I defended you. I will always defend you, but I saw… anger. It was fleeting, it was there and then it was gone just as quickly.” She hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, and she’d found herself making excuses for it, telling herself she’d imagined it, but maybe she hadn’t. With everything that Stefano had done to them in their lives, should she really underestimate him? 

“If he hasn’t gotten his memory back yet, Doc… he will. He may already be getting pieces of it back, but he will lie to try and keep you close. Because he knows that when his memory returns you will turn away from him.” Turning onto his side, he touched her cheek, “I’m scared, and I’m worried for you… and there won’t be a damn thing I can do to keep you safe from him when I’m locked back up.”

“When he comes back to Aremid, I’ll start to pull back. He knows the exercises he needs to do, and he doesn’t have to be so dependent on me… I’ll spend less time with him… and I can have Mike take over his care.”

“Doc, if it was up to me you’d spend no time with him,” he said.

“That would look suspicious.” Her hand slid across his chest, as she tried to think of a plan. “I can’t avoid him completely. If you’re right that he’s getting his memory back, that could make things worse. It has to seem natural.”

As much as John wanted to argue with her about it, there was truth in what she was saying. Any sudden change in behavior would cause Stefano to be suspicious. They had to beat Stefano at his own game, and John was no longer a pawn.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Darling, you’re with me, always around me

Only love, only love

Darling, I feel you under my body

Only love, only love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The warm water of the shower streamed down Marlena’s back, and the steam filled the bathroom. John had gone downstairs to meet with Abe, Bo, and Mickey about his defense strategy and how they were going to investigate Tony’s death further. If it was up to Peter Blake he would close the case and have John executed next week. It was going to be up to John’s friends to fight for him, and prove his innocence.

She ran her hands over her body slowly. She ached in the most delicious ways. She’d stood before the mirror before she got in the shower, and ran her fingers over every bruise on her skin. A soft smile had come over her face as she’d recalled how she’d gotten each and every one. John’s fingers as they gripped her hips, the bite of his teeth on her inner thigh, and the soft suck of his mouth on the side of her breast. All of it had her groaning softly. 

John entered the suite over the pub, and heard the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. Turning the lock on the door, he closed his eyes for a moment and imagined Marlena’s naked body with warm water running along her curves. His body was instantly interested. It had always been that way between them – a subtle glance, the quirk of an eyebrow, a soft word… a fantasy. He imagined sliding his soapy hands over her warm flesh and he groaned. How many times could he make love to her before he was exhausted? Kicking off his shoes he started towards the bathroom. He’d already showered, but the thought of sliding against Marlena’s wet skin was all the motivation he needed.

Marlena smiled to herself when she heard the bathroom door open, and felt a cool draft. With a small chuckle, she said, “Close the door. Don’t let out all the heat.”

He was already unbuttoning his shirt as his eyes were riveted on her through the foggy glass. “I thought you might be lonely.”

“Lonely, huh?” She reached for the soap and a washrag. “I was wondering how I was going to wash my back.”

He slid the door to the shower open, slipping into the steamy space with her, and he ran his finger down the length of her sternum watching as her lips parted. “Washing your back is not what I was planning to do.”

Her eyes went wide, and a soft whisper escaped her, “Oh.”

Reaching for her, he pulled her close, “I don’t think I will ever get enough of you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Give me shelter or show me heart

Come on, love, come on, love

Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John had been quiet since his return from downstairs. He’d made love to her in the shower with a sense of desperation Marlena didn’t recognize, and as she thought about it, she realized it was fear. He was scared. They were all scared. 

Marlena’s stomach growled loudly. She smiled against his chest, “We’re going to have to eat eventually.”

John whispered, “I want the children here. Is that okay with you? I want to spend as much time with them as—”

“—we’ll bring the children, John… but not because you think you need to say goodbye. Understand? We’re going to figure this out, because you did not shoot Tony. You can’t give up. You can’t.” She lifted herself up onto her elbow, and stared deeply into his eyes. “You can’t give me your love and tell it’s forever, and then give up. Do you understand?”

He loved her more in that moment, than he ever had before. Tracing his fingers across her lips, he said, “Yeah, Doc. I understand.”

“Good,” she replied. “Now find your wife some food.”

John couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped him. “At your service.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And I’ll be yours to keep

A wind in the shadow, whale song in the deep

A wind in the shadow, whale song…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Only Love – Ben Howard

Chapter 9 – Love Is Like a Butterfly

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Love is like a butterfly, as soft and gentle as a sigh

The multicolored moods of love are like it’s satin wings

Love makes your heart feel strange inside, it flutters like soft wings in flight

Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena’s eyes fluttered open, and just as she had for the last three days, she smiled to herself as she slid her palm across John’s warm chest. There were moments during their days together that she feared it was all a dream that she would wake from, only to find it had been an illusion. He rolled towards her, reaching down roughly to pull her thigh up over his, while slipping his large palm behind her to tug her closer. With a gentle growl, he mumbled with a sleep filled voice, “I want you.”

She could feel how much he wanted her throbbing against her open center. John had made love to her so many times over the last few days, that she was sensitive and tender, but she wouldn’t tell him no. Lifting her arm up, she wrapped it around his neck, whispering, “I always want you.”

He slid into her warmth with a slow glide, and a low groan of pleasure. She fit against him as if they were made for each other, as if they were torn apart in a past life. She was his and he was hers. 

The past few days had been the easiest days of his life, and also the hardest. Outside of their suite, they were best friends. Two people who had once been married, but no longer were. John found it harder and harder to resist those natural inclinations with Marlena. The desire to laugh with her, and pull her into a kiss. The desire to hold her hand when they walked through the snow outside. Instead he found himself watching her from across the table, or studying the way she interacted with Hope or Lexie. He couldn’t reach for her whenever he wanted, and so, more often than not they found themselves sequestered in their suite.

He pulled out of Marlena’s satin heat, and then pushed back in. His hand slid over her bare skin in slow languid strokes. This was his favorite part of the day. “When we were married,” he whispered, “I would wake you up this way… and I missed it so much. I feel so close to you when we’re like this.”

“I know,” she said softly, kissing his neck. “It’s almost spiritual.”

And it was. There were no words to describe the coming together of their bodies, and the connection they felt in each other’s arms. In their sleep they reached for each other. In a room full of people John’s eyes would follow her, or he would smile to realize she was watching him. It was a constant pull of two forces towards each other.

“Kiss me,” he said gruffly.

Marlena threaded her fingers through John’s hair, lifting herself towards him with a softly whispered, “Yes.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I feel it when you’re with me, it happens when you kiss me

That rare and gentle feeling that I feel inside

Your touch is soft and gentle, your kiss is warm and tender

Whenever I am with you I think of butterflies

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and John sat at a table in the pub, and waited for Maggie Horton to arrive with the nanny and the children. Both of them were quiet, staring into their coffee, while lost in their own thoughts. Mickey had let them know when Maggie would be arriving, and Victor had given her the use of his private jet. It was hard for John not to reach out and take Marlena’s hand, but Sara was working, and so was her father. Aremid was small and even though they weren’t from there, John and Marlena’s backstory had spread through the small town like wildfire. Keeping their marriage a secret was more important than ever.

The door to the pub opened with the rattle of a bell, and Marlena glanced up from her coffee excitedly. Maggie entered with a gust of cold air, holding Belle, as she shook fresh snow out of her hair and off of her coat. Marlena was out of her chair in an instant, reaching for her daughter with a soft laugh that made John smile. Brady was holding Maggie’s hand. He let go as soon as he saw his father. 

“Daddy!” he cried. “We flew on grandpa’s plane!”

“How’s my boy?” John asked him, ruffling his hair as he lifted him into his arms. “Did you miss me?”

Marlena looked towards the door as someone else entered. Realizing it was Sami, she gasped softly, and almost started crying. Sami was there. She wanted to run to her, and pull her into her arms, but their relationship was so broken, she was afraid she would be pushed away again. Their eyes met, and Marlena smiled gently, saying, “Sami.”

Sami had come to Aremid for a couple of reasons. One of those reasons was because her life was a mess, and she needed her mother to help her sort it out. She’d spent the last year of her life hating her mother, and hating John, while simultaneously, albeit unintentionally, trying to ruin her own life. She was pregnant, and she hadn’t told anyone. She had no idea what to do, or who to turn to, and the two people she loved most in the world were in Aremid, so she left Salem. She didn’t deserve their forgiveness, but she needed it. She needed the two people who had never given up on her, because she was on the verge of giving up on herself. It was time to stop blaming other people for the chaos in her life, and figure it out, because in six months she was going to be a mother. It was time to forgive her mother and John for loving each other. It was time to grow up.

Marlena turned to John with tears in her eyes, and handed him their daughter. Belle reached for him, saying excitedly, “Poppy!”

“Hi, Mom,” Sami said. She was crying before she even stepped into her mother’s arms. How was she going to tell her she was pregnant? She was so ashamed.

“Sami… oh, Sami, darling, what’s wrong?” Marlena looked towards John, unsure of what to do, and she knew they were drawing stares from patrons. 

Maggie took Brady’s hand, and the nanny took Belle from John and they started to make their way towards the stairs. John gave Maggie a nod, saying, “We’ll be right behind you.”

Approaching Marlena and Sami, John slid his palm over Marlena’s back gently. She looked up at him, and he said quietly, “Doc, come on. Let’s take Sami upstairs, and sort this out.”

She looked at her daughter, wary of her reaction to John’s nearness, but all Sami did was cry harder, and nod her head acquiescence. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Love is like a butterfly, as soft and gentle as a sigh

The multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings

Love makes your heart feel strange inside, it flutters like soft wings in flight

Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Once John and the nanny got Belle and Brady settled in the other room, he quietly entered the other one to find Sami sobbing in her mother’s arms on the end of the bed, and holding onto her like a lifeline. He  stood there awkwardly for a moment, and then decided to sit down beside the girl he would always consider his daughter. Leaving space between them, John was shocked when Sami turned towards him, wrapping her arms around him, while crying, “I’m so sorry, Daddy! I’m so sorry!”

John looked at Marlena over Sami’s head to see that she was just as surprised as he was. In a soothing voice, he whispered, “Hey, hey, Peanut, whatever it is we’ll figure it out.” Tentatively he reached around her, and she fell against him like she used to do when she was little. He smoothed her long blonde hair over her shoulder, “Whatever it is, you’re mom and I will help you sort it out.”

Sami continued to cry for several minutes. She felt so broken, and she’d made so many mistakes, she wasn’t sure where to start. This pregnancy was a bombshell; she couldn’t just drop it at their feet and expect them to understand. She’d systematically made mistake after mistake over the last couple of years, and she’d blamed her mother and John for all of them. She was only realizing that sometimes emotions and life made decisions for you. 

Marlena stood up, and then knelt in front of Sami. Lifting her face from where it rested against John’s chest, she forced her daughter to look at her with swollen, red rimmed eyes. “Sami, we can’t help you unless you talk to us.”

In a gush, words started flowing from her mouth like an uncontrollable flood. “I’m sorry. I got so angry… about the affair.. .and now I understand, maybe because I’m older. I don’t know, but I was so scared of losing someone else in my life,” she said, finally lifting her head, and looking at her mother. “You came home, after so long, and we were happy. But then Daddy wasn’t my dad anymore, and it was like he died too, you know? He-he put me to bed that night… and then he left us with you and Dad. And it wasn’t fair! You felt like strangers! It wasn’t fair that Eric and I couldn’t have Daddy in our lives, but you could! And then, when you had the affair, I was afraid I would lose Dad too… and I did, didn’t I? Because he’s left me too. He left too!”

“I know that hurt you. It hurt you badly, and John and I realize that what we did, how we went about it was wrong,” Marlena told her gently. Sami was so young, but as Marlena looked at her, she realized Sami was a woman now. She was old enough for an explanation. “John and I… we never got the chance to say goodbye. We never had the chance to resolve our feelings.”

“Neither did I!” Sami cried. “I didn’t get any chance. I was just expected to accept it, and move on. I wasn’t allowed to think anything was wrong. We had to act as if everything was normal, but it wasn’t!”

“I’m sorry, Peanut.” John was quiet for a moment, and he said, “Roman wanted me to step away so he could bond with you and Eric. He wanted time with you, and I felt so guilty for living his life for so long… that I stepped away. I didn’t realize that it had hurt you so badly. What happened between your mother and I wasn’t planned. It wasn’t intentional.”

“But… but you loved each other, right? At least you loved each other,” Sami said. It would be the only way she could reconcile how she was currently feeling with what had happened. If their love had been so strong they couldn’t deny it, then her broken family would be for a reason. 

John stared at Marlena, and waited several beats before he finally told Sami, “We did. We loved each other in those moments just as much as when we were married.”

There was something in his voice that made her sit up, and face him. His eyes caught hers, and she saw something there. “Do you still love each other that much?”

Marlena couldn’t deny it, when John looked at her for guidance. He wasn’t sure what to say, so Marlena took the lead, saying, “We do.”

John reached for Marlena’s hand, threading his fingers through hers, whispering, “Yeah, we do, Punkin’.”

Sami’s head fell back against his chest, and she took a deep breath, closing her eyes. It was so familiar. His scent surrounded her, and with it came all those feelings from her childhood. Safety. Love. Affection. She started crying again, “I’m so lost, and scared all the time… I lash out at people in anger, but really, I’m just so scared. And, now… oh, G-d, now, I’m…” 

Marlena looked at John with a bewildered expression. John reached for Sami, sitting her up, and her watery blue eyes stared up at him. “Sami, baby, we can’t help you unless you tell us.”

“I’m so ashamed,” she whispered.

“I will never stop loving you,” John told her. “That’s how it is with parents. No matter how many mistakes you make, my job as a father is to help pick you up, and to love you no matter what.” 

Sami choked on a sob as she said, “I’m pregnant… and I don’t know what to do, Daddy.”

It was the last thing he expected to hear. He stared at her for a moment, remembering all of the times he’d put bandaids on her knees, or held the trash can as she vomited. She was his little girl, and she was pregnant. “Sami, are you sure?”

She wiped her eyes. It was out. She’d said it, and there was no taking it back. Glancing at her mothers shocked face, she whispered, “I took three tests. I–I  kept hoping that the one I took before was wrong, but they were all positive, so I’m pretty sure… and now I’m petrified.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your laughter brings me sunshine, every day is springtime

And I am only happy when you are by my side

How precious is this love we share, how very precious, sweet and rare

Together we belong like daffodils and butterflies

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena wiped the tears from Sami’s cheeks, and stood up. It was time to figure this out. She sat beside her, and asked, “Have you told the father? Does he know about this baby?”

“No, it wasn’t like he was my boyfriend or anything.” Sami thought about how she and Lucas had been plotting to break up Carrie and Austin. The fact that they’d slept together was mostly for comfort. The problem was, over the last few months, Sami wasn’t sure if she really loved Austin. Everytime Lucas came into a room, her belly fluttered like a swarm of butterflies, and the sound of his voice made her smile. This would be a shock. A baby wasn’t something he would expect from a one night stand on a basement floor. “What if he hates it? What if he hates me?”

Whoever it was, John was going to make certain they took responsibility. “Who is it?”

“Lucas. It’s Lucas,” Sami whispered.

Marlena wasn’t actually surprised. Sami and Lucas spent a lot of time together. “Lucas Roberts? Kate’s son?”

Sami just nodded her head slowly while staring at the antique hardwood. She couldn’t look at either of them, and she felt the heat rising up in her face. Marlena cupped her cheeks in her hands, and stared into her eyes. She couldn’t assume that Sami wanted to keep the baby, and even though Sami was still a minor, the decision was hers. “What do you want to do?”

Sami sighed, feeling relief. She’d come to Aremid because deep in her soul she knew that her mother and John would stand beside her, no matter what. Exhaling gently, she said, “I’m scared, but I… I want my baby. I just don’t know how… I mean, I have to finish high school… and college. I can’t support a baby on my own, but it’s my baby. I love it, Mom. I haven’t even felt it kick yet, but I know it’s there, and it’s mine.”

As if that settled everything, Marlena smiled. “Then, we’ll figure this out. We will… as a family. Okay? You, me, John, Belle, Brady, Eric, and Carrie… we’re a family, and you have us all,” Marlena said, wiping the rest of Sami’s tears away. 

Sami glanced up at John. “You too?”

“Yeah, Punkin’, me too…” He looked at Marlena, and saw that she was unsure. “Doc, we have to tell her.”

“John,” she said softly, standing up. She stared down at him with a serious look. “Can we talk?”

He glanced down at Sami, and then back at Marlena. “You, know, Doc, I think it’s going to be okay.” 

“I think,” Marlena emphasized, “that you can’t be sure of that.”

John ignored her, and decided to go with his gut, “Peanut, we kind of have to tell you something, too.”

“John. Don’,” Marlena said, trying to stop him from telling Sami they were married. Because she knew that’s what was about to slip from his mouth. “John!” she hissed, when he grasped her hand.

He laced his fingers through Marlena’s and he said, “Your Mom and I got married a couple days ago.” He almost laughed when Marlena groaned, and dropped her head in defeat.

Sami glanced between them quickly, hope rising up inside her like a wave. They were married. They’d gotten married. What about Kristen? Did she even care about Kristen? Not really. In awe, she asked him, “Really? So, you’re- you’re my Dad again?”

That piece of his heart that had been broken since the night he’d walked out of the house on Sycamore, melted. With eyes full of love, John said, “I am… if you want me, Peanut.”

“I can’t lose you again, I can’t…” Sami said as she started sobbing again, and grabbed onto John. “Maybe now – maybe Eric will come home… because he left, well, he left when we lost you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Love is like a butterfly, as soft and gentle as a sigh

The multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings

Love makes your heart feel strange inside, it flutters like soft wings in flight

Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Love Is Like a Butterfly – Dolly Parton

Chapter 10 – Never Grow Up

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your little hand’s wrapped around my finger, and it’s

So quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter ‘cause you’re dreaming, so I

Tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The sun was going down, and a cool breeze carried the promise of more snow. Belle tucked her head against her father’s shoulder, and whispered softly as she played with his hair, “Poppy. Poppy. Poppy.”

“I wonder why she calls you that,” Sami said, glancing over at them. She remembered days like this from her childhood. Day’s where John would take her, Eric, and Carrie ice skating or to the park. Those long, lazy days, that ended with exhaustion but carried such happy memories. Now that she was older, she wished for those days again. Their afternoon on the ice had been like a trip through time. Her mother’s laughter, and John’s laughing eyes. Brady’s cries of glee, combined with Belle’s childish laughter. Sami wished she could freeze it in time, and stay there forever.

“It’s because of Bo, Kim, and Kayla,” John told her. “They call your grandfather Pop and Pop’s. Belle picked up on it. She’s over there so often, it’s not surprising. She started calling me Poppy about six months ago.”

Sami smiled softly, reaching over to feel her sister’s silken hair where it had snuck from her woolen cap. Everytime Belle whispered or said, “Poppy. Poppy. My Poppy”, she couldn’t help but wish for her own childlike innocence to return, but it was too late for that. It had been stolen by Stefano, by Alan, and by her own father when he left Salem. She couldn’t think about the pain that came from that. 

Quietly her hand dropped, and she said, “I kind of like it.”

John reached for her, lacing their fingers together, as he said, “I do too.”

She shifted the ice skates hanging over her shoulder, and glanced back to see her mother carrying on an animated conversation with Brady. “She loves him so much,” she told John.

“I want her to adopt him.” John smiled as he paused, and waited for Marlena and Brady to catch up. “I want her to be Brady’s mother. I want him to be your brother… and I hope… I hope you want that too.”

Sami felt tears well up in her eyes, and sadness in her chest. She looked away quickly. She wished John was still her father. She wished he could adopt her, and her last name would be Black. It was ridiculous. She knew it was, but when a person felt adrift they found themselves wishing for somewhere to anchor. She was a Brady. She would always be a Brady, but Roman’s abandonment left a hole in her heart.

“Are you okay, Peanut?” John stared down at her for a moment. Belle reached for his hand where he held her against him, wrapping her small fingers around his. Her eyes were getting droopy, and he knew they were going to need to rush through dinner, and then get her and Brady into bed. Ice skating had worn them out in the best way.

Sami sighed, feeling ridiculous. John wasn’t going to adopt her. Roman wasn’t going to sweep back into Salem and fix everything in her life that she’d messed up. “The last couple of days have been so amazing. It’s like old times. You know? And it makes me wish you were still my dad.”

“Sami, I will always be your dad,” John said softly as they started walking towards the pub. “I may not be your biological father, but officially… I am your stepfather. You will always be my daughter, and Eric and Carrie as well. You are my kids. Mine. I never stopped believing that.”

Marlena had caught up with them, and heard John’s last words, but what Sami said next nearly broke her heart. 

Sami smiled sadly, staring at the ground. “If my Dad had never come home, you still would be, and we would be a family… we wouldn’t even be here in Aremid.”

John wasn’t sure what to say. There was truth to what she was saying. He wouldn’t argue against it, and he could defend Roman, but he didn’t feel like it. After the news broke of Sami’s rape, Roman hadn’t bothered to come back to Salem. He had left Sami and Carrie when they needed him the most. As Sami’s world spiraled out of control, Roman was under deep cover somewhere in the middle east. He certainly didn’t deserve to be Sami’s father. 

“I wish you could adopt me,” she whispered.

John heard her, and his heart stuttered. He wanted that more than anything.

“I mean, I know I’m seventeen, and that’s a dumb idea, plus my dad would probably find a way to stop it, and–”

“ – I would, you know,” John said, cutting her off quickly. Wanting her to know how much she meant to him, he tipped Sami’s face up to his. “I would be proud to call myself your father, and give you my name.”

“You would?” she asked.

Marlena lifted Brady when he started slowing down, and she listened to John and Sami’s conversation. John adopting Sami would hurt Roman. It would hurt him badly, and yet, he’d left his daughter again. He’d left all of his children. Sami was entitled to these feelings she was having. She felt that Roman had left her, and even though she had spent the last few years pushing John away… he had never abandoned her. Not really. Every time he saw her, every time she raged at him, or blamed him for things, John continued to love her, and be there for her. Sami knew that. It was why she had come to Aremid.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To you, everything’s funny

You got nothing to regret

I’d give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami couldn’t help laughing as John wiped mashed potatoes off of his pants. “Belle, baby,” he said sternly. “If you’re done eating, say so.”

“I done!” she said, squirming in the booster seat she was strapped into. 

“I’m done too, daddy,” Brady said excitedly, scrambling from the large chair he sat in. He looked around trying to see if there was anything fun to play with, and smiled widely just as Shawn D walked into the pub with Bo and Hope. “Shawn D!”

“Shawdy!” Belle cried, squirming as Marlena laughed, and tried to unbuckle the strap holding her daughter into the chair.

Marlena saw the impatience in the little girl, and told her, “Belle, honey, stop squirming. Mommy can’t get the buckle!”

Sami realized that in less than a year, this would be her life. A baby in a high chair, pureed foods, and diapers. Was she ready for that? She honestly wasn’t sure, but as she watched her mom and John tackle parenthood, she  knew she had a strong support system. Getting pregnant at seventeen wasn’t something she’d ever thought would happen to her, but she could handle it. She had too. 

John noticed Sami watching as Marlena placed Belle on the floor. Leaning towards her, he asked, “I know it seems like a lot, but you have your family around you. You won’t be doing it alone.”

“Did you and mom tell them?” Sami asked softly. “Do Uncle Bo and Aunt Hope know?”

“We didn’t tell them. We did speak with Kate Roberts today. I asked her to come to Aremid to discuss some things for Bella Magazine, and Marlena asked her to bring Lucas along,” John said gently.

Sami’s eyes got large, and her head fell into her hands. “Oh, G-d!” she groaned. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

John reached over, pulling Sami against him, and said softly, “I can imagine this is all quite overwhelming, but remember, you’ve got your family with you.”

“I’m ashamed to tell them,” she whispered. This wasn’t supposed to be her life. She wasn’t supposed to be three months pregnant halfway through her senior year. She’d skipped homecoming, and now prom was out of the question. She’d be as big as a house, and everyone would be thinking horrible things about her. After her rape, they already were. Alan had done whatever he could to ruin what little reputation she had left. 

John glanced up to see Marlena watching them. Having Sami back in his life was more than he could have hoped for. Reaching across the table, Marlena touched Sami’s arm gently, “We won’t tell them… but eventually you will have to.”

Sami looked up to see Bo and Hope walking towards them. Preparing herself, she sat up straighter, “I better get this over with, because it’s not going to get any easier.”

Deputy Cox entered the pub, brushing the newly fallen snow from the brim of his hat. He glanced around quickly, and as soon as his eyes landed on John he started to approach. He reached the table at the same time Bo and Hope did. “I’m sorry to interrupt your family dinner, John, but I thought you’d want to know, Peter Blake is back in Aremid. He and his family just arrived at their home a few moments ago.”

Hope glanced at Marlena, “That’s why we rushed over here. We were coming back from the park, and saw the lights on in their house.”

John turned to look at Marlena, and stood up quickly. “Do we know where Mickey is right now?”

“Hold on. Hold on,” Bo said, holding his arms up. “Peter can’t do anything until the judge comes back, and he’s out of town until after the New Year.”

Marlena felt herself start to panic as she glanced at the people around them. “But if the paperwork went through, making Peter the special prosecutor… does he need a judge’s order to revoke bail?”

Mickey came running down the stairs of the pub with Maggie behind him, saying, “I just got off the phone with Peter!”

Sami sat in her chair watching the way everyone had rallied around her mother and John in awe. In the background Belle laughed loudly, calling out, “Shawdy! Wait!”

John stared at Mickey for a moment, and then asked him, “Can Peter revoke the bail without the judge?”

“No,” Mickey said. “No, he doesn’t have the authority to do that, but he will likely try and find a way to get Judge Walker to come back to Aremid early… or possibly use another judge. We can only hope he doesn’t. I think it would be really unfair to try and take that time away from you and your family.”

Marlena sat back down in defeat. Kristen was back in town. She and John would have to be even more careful than they usually were to ensure they didn’t give away the nature of their relationship. Marlena felt sick to her stomach. What if Kristen wanted to reconcile with him? Would John regret marrying her? Would he regret their time together? She tried to tell herself that she was being irrational, but that didn’t stop the intrusive thoughts. 

Hope sat down beside Marlena, and reached for her hand. Leaning close she whispered, “He loves you, you know?”

Marlena smiled, but she wasn’t so sure. Kristen coming back to Aremid had brought with it a whole host of insecurities, and Marlena found herself riddled with anxiety. She turned to find Hope’s vivid green eyes staring back at her. “Huh?”

“John. He loves you,” Hope said. Her voice got softer, “I see what’s going on in your head Marlena, and it needs to stop.”

“What if he regrets it?” she asked quietly. 

“When the two of you stood in the chapel on your wedding night, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that the two of you were meant to be.” Hope needed Marlena to understand that John was with exactly the person he wanted to be with. “He fought for you. He was willing to give up his soul for you. And, when all was said and done, I guarantee you, he would do it all over again.”

Marlena’s eyes started to fill with tears. John’s eyes caught hers from the other side of the table, and she tried to hide her upset. John stood up abruptly, looking around for the children, and as soon as he saw Belle asleep in a nearby booth he knew he had a reason to take his family upstairs. “I think it’s time to get the kids to bed. We can figure this out in the morning.”

Mickey placed his hand on John’s arm, stopping him. “Look, John, I’ll do what I can to hold Peter off. You deserve these last few days with your family, and at this point, if Peter pushes this, he’ll show an obvious bias. I’m not sure he’ll risk that.”

Sami stood up, walking towards the booth where Belle had curled up, and lifted her little sister into her arms. She breathed in the scent of her, and smiled to herself. She was going to be a mother, and sooner than she had ever planned. It was possible, that maybe, it wouldn’t be as scary as she’d thought it might be. She turned and almost laughed as Brady and Shawn D grumbled about being separated. For them the fun had just started.

John scooped Brady up, saying with a laugh, “Not tonight, Slugger. It’s a bath and bed for you.”

Kristen entered the pub just as John was disappearing up the stairs with his children, Sami, and Marlena. She felt the acidic froth of jealousy start to build in her gut. She had somehow managed to convince herself over Christmas that she would be able to easily get John back. He didn’t need to know that she doubted his innocence. Stefano had told her over and over again, she only needed him to be secure in her love, and she did love him. She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone. The problem was, now it wasn’t simply Marlena. In the time she’d been gone, Belle, Brady, and Sami had arrived. Sami glanced back at her with a hard stare, before turning on the landing, and Kristen suddenly felt that it might not be as easy as she had hoped it would be.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh darling, don’t you ever grow

Don’t you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh darling. Don’t you ever grow up

Don’t you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John wrapped Belle in a soft towel after her bath, and he couldn’t help smiling as she looked up at him with sleep drunk eyes. Her soft, baby voice said drowsily, “My Poppy.”

“And you are my little Tink,” he whispered, kissing her soft cheek. Belle wrapped her arms around his neck, and John was lost for a moment in a memory of Sami.

Sami stared up at her father from the soft folds of a thick terry cloth bath towel. “I’m sorry I got sick, and threw up in my bed,” she said with a shiver.

He reached over, and felt her forehead. She was still burning up. As much as she would fight him on the medicine, he was going to have to give her something to bring it down. He could only be grateful that Carrie was on a Girl Scout trip, and Eric had gone camping with his friend. Brushing her wet hair back from her flushed cheeks, he told her, “Sometimes people get sick, Peanut. That’s what Daddies are for. Now, it’s time for some Tylenol, fresh pajamas, and how about I let you crash in bed with me for the rest of the night?”

She nodded in exhaustion, “Okay.”

He lifted her, and took her back into her bedroom. After handing her some clean clothes, he stripped the linen from her bed, and placed it in a pile in the hallway. It was around two in the morning, the laundry could wait until the morning. Mentally he made a list of things he had to do. Besides laundry, he should see if Eric could stay with his parents for a couple of days to avoid him catching whatever Sami had. He also needed to call Abe, and take some time off of work. 

He glanced over to see Sami struggling to comb her wet hair, and he took the hairbrush from her hand. “Come here, Peanut. Let Daddy handle that.”

It was times like this that he really felt Marlena’s absence. Sami and Eric had just turned six, but it felt like his wife had been gone for a whole lifetime. After combing and braiding his daughter’s hair, he lifted her into his arms, snatched up her trashcan, and headed for his bedroom. Sami waited patiently as he spread two towels over the side of the bed that he still referred to in his mind as Marlena’s side of the bed. Laying Sami down he pulled the blankets up over her, and said quietly, “I’m going to change my clothes, and wash my hands. I’ll be back with the Tylenol.”

She scrunched her face up, “I don’t like Tylenol. It tastes like dirt.”

He chuckled, and pinched her chin, “And when did you eat dirt?”

“Well… not real dirt, but it’s gross,” she said.

“Sometimes we have to ignore the taste of dirt, and do what’s best for us, and you, Peanut, have a fever that needs to come down.” He stood up, placing her trashcan next to the bed. “If you feel like you’re going to get sick again,” he pointed at the trashcan, “can you try to aim?”

As sick as she was, Sami smiled, and said, “Yeah.”

“Poppy?” Belle asked. “Poppy, I’s tiwerd.”

John was pulled from his reverie, and stared at Belle for a second. She looked so much like Marlena. Sami had at that age as well, although she’d grown into a beautiful version of herself as she got older. “You’re tired, are you? That’s not something you say very often.” He kissed her again, and said, “Let’s get you into bed, baby girl.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I won’t let nobody hurt you

Won’t let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up

Never grow up

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A few months earlier, Sami knew if she’d watched the family display she was currently watching she would have been full of self-pity and rage. Those were the only emotions she’d allowed herself to feel over the last two years. Being angry was tiring. It required effort to maintain, and Sami didn’t want to be that person anymore. She watched John and her mother kiss the twins goodnight, and she was glad that they’d sent the nanny back to Salem for a while. It had been nice having her family to herself for the last few days. 

Her mother leaned over, brushing the chestnut curls off of Brady’s forehead, and she kissed him softly. He was already asleep. Belle touched John’s face in that gentle way she had, and she whispered for the millionth time that day, “My Poppy.”

How a two year old had the ability to lay claim to everyone’s heart that knew her was something Sami would never understand, and yet, even as she’d tried to maintain her distance from Brady and Belle over the last couple years, she’d fallen in love with both of them in a couple of days. John could be Belle’s Poppy. She’d laid claim to the man and his heart, and no one faulted her for it.

Marlena straightened up, and happened to see Sami standing in the doorway watching them. With a smile, she said, “Do you want to say goodnight?”

She was still struggling with understanding this new life. Her parents had opened their arms and their hearts, accepting her back so readily it was almost confusing. There had been instances since she’d come to Aremid where she’d felt those old emotions start to rise up, and they were immediately followed by a sick feeling. She didn’t want that anymore. She wanted ice skating, and family dinners. She wanted bathtimes and bedtimes. “Yeah,” she whispered. Stepping into the room, she smiled, “I’ll say goodnight.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You’re in the car on the way to the movies, and you’re

Mortified your mom is dropping you off

At fourteen, there’s just so much you can’t do

And you can’t wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don’t make her drop you off around the block

Remember that she’s getting older, too

And don’t lose the way that you dance

Around in your PJ’s getting ready for school

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami and Marlena both grabbed the end of the sofa bed, pulling it out for the night. Sami tossed the pillows onto it, and reached for her blanket in silence. She had so many emotions she hadn’t expected to feel when she’d come to Aremid. Watching her mother and John with Brady and Belle brought back so much of her own childhood. John had been a wonderful father, and maybe she’d forgotten that, or repressed it. She wasn’t sure. She’d been so angry for so long, maybe she’d never know why those memories had faded. What she did know was that a few days with them, and she wanted it all back. 

She paused, and stared at her mother, “I don’t want to leave. I want to stay in Aremid with you, and Daddy.”

“Sami, honey, you have to finish school,” Marlena said softly. “How are you going to do that?”

“I can get my GED,” she said quickly. “I can study for the test, and get my GED. I need to be with you… I need to be with my family.”

Marlena came around the end of the bed, and touched Sami’s face gently, “I worry about you, and we could be in Aremid for a while. I won’t leave John… and this could go on for months, but I want the children here… in case…”

“I can help,” Sami said quickly. “I can take care of Brady and Belle. I can help the nanny! Bethany might need help when she comes back after the New Year.”

Marlena smiled, unsure, “Darling…”

“Mom,” Sami implored. “I want to be here. I don’t want to be back in Salem as the pregnant girl. I’ve done so much to ruin my life over the last couple of years. Alan… after he raped me, you know, he ruined my reputation. What are the kids at school going to say about me now? Sami the whore–”

“ – you will not speak about yourself that way, Samantha Gene!” Marlena was heartbroken to hear Sami even utter those words.

“Why not?” Sami said with tears in her eyes. “I know what they say about me. Once I start showing with this pregnancy it will only get worse. I’ve been thinking about this all day, Mom. I want to stay with you and daddy. Please?”

She couldn’t deny her. Not after everything she’d been through in her short life. Softly, Marlena said, “Okay.” Sami was right, there were people in Salem who wouldn’t understand, and Sami needed to be in a place where she was wholly supported. “You can stay.”

She wrapped her arms around her mother, and whispered, “Thank you. Thank you.”

Marlena tightened her hold, and closed her eyes. She’d missed Sami so much, and there were times over the last few days when she’d been afraid she was dreaming her daughter’s quick turn around. Pulling back, she said, “I spoke with Kate Roberts today. She’s agreed to come to Aremid to discuss Bella Magazine with John and I, since we aren’t able to be at the Titan board meetings… I asked her to bring Lucas. I said you might need a friend.”

“So… he’s coming?”

“He is,” Marlena said softly, wiping the tears from her daughter’s eyes. “John and I will be with you when you tell them… if you want us to be.”

Sami couldn’t stop the tears that fell from her blue eyes as she nodded her head. She needed them. She would always need them. When her mother pulled her close again, she rested her head on her shoulder and breathed in the comforting smell she would always associate with her. “I need you,” she whispered.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up

Don’t you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up

Don’t you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami stared at the dark ceiling of the sitting room. The door to her parent’s room had closed almost a half hour before, and she still found herself unable to fall asleep. She glanced towards the open door to the room where Belle and Brady slept. She felt surrounded by love. She’d spent two years of her life angry and full of vitriol, but this feeling of warmth – the smiles, the hugs, the support – that was what she’d been missing the whole time, and she’d not allowed herself to feel it.

Rolling over on her side, she wrapped her arms around the extra pillow with a soft smile, as she thought about the baby growing in her womb. Her baby. Lucas’s baby. Softly she touched her still flat abdomen. “I love you,” she whispered. “I made a lot of mistakes to lead me to you, but you are not a mistake. I think, little baby, that you might be the one thing I did right.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And no one’s ever burned you

Nothing’s ever left you scarred

And even though you want to

Just try to never grow up

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I’m scared,” Marlena whispered, thinking about what Peter Blake might do now that he was back in Aremid. John’s warm body lay along her spine, and his legs tangled with hers. Still she felt nothing but anxiety, and a fear that when they next saw the light of day, John would be taken away from her.

“Hey,” John whispered against her neck, brushing her hair aside and kissing her softly. “Hey, baby, turn around and look at me.” Marlena rolled to face him, and he immediately saw the tears in her eyes reflected in the soft light of the moon.

“I’m so scared,” she said. “I want to be strong for you… I know you need that.”

“When I’m scared, Doc, you prop me up. You’re there for me, and I’m so grateful for that, but right now… I can be strong for you,” he whispered. “That’s what we do for each other. That’s what we’ve always done. I love you. You’re my wife, and I love you.”

“When I heard Kristen was back–”

“ – I love you,” he emphasized. He could see the doubt in her eyes, and while he’d thought they were past that, he wasn’t surprised. Less than two weeks earlier he’d been engaged to Kristen. Of course Marlena would be insecure now that Kristen was back in Aremid. “I’m not going to change my mind. It wasn’t a marriage of convenience–”

“ –but–”

“ – Doc. It wasn’t.” He brushed the tears from her soft skin. “After our affair, I saw the damage I’d caused. Your marriage. Your relationship with Sami. Eric leaving town. Then… there was the fallout from everything you did to save me in Maison Blanche, and your possession… you were only vulnerable because of me.”

“No!” she said softly. “No, John.”

“Yes!” He stared at her intently, “I blamed myself for all of it, and the whole time… I was dreaming of you. Your lips, your body… the sound of your voice, and the smell of your skin.” His palm slid from her waist over the rounded curve of her hip. He watched his hand on her for a moment, and then he whispered, “I would dream about your body underneath me… baby, it was always you, and instead of accepting it, I denied it. To keep you safe, but ultimately I hurt us both. This marriage, Doc… I just used it as a selfish ploy to get what I wanted. You. But, please believe me when I tell you, having you as my wife is all I have ever dreamed of.”

She couldn’t help the smile that came over her face. Reaching up she ran her fingers across his mouth, “You are the reason I never dated… the thought of someone else’s lips on mine, or someone else making love to me–”

John pushed her onto her back, “ – no.” He kissed her roughly, growling, “No. I would have lost my mind, Doc. You’re mine.”

“I–I didn’t know that,” she whispered.

He bit the skin of her collarbone, saying in a rough voice, “You do now.”

She threaded her fingers into his dark hair, pulling his lips to hers, and she said softly, “I do now.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

And all your little brother’s favorite songs

I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Song: Never Grow Up – Taylor Swift

Chapter 11 – Savage Daughter

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am my mother’s savage daughter

The one who runs barefoot, cursing sharp stones

I am my mother’s savage daughter

I will not cut my hair, I will not lower my voice

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As soon as Peter received the official paperwork, appointing him special prosecutor, he had John arrested. John and Marlena had two more days together with their family. Peter seemed almost happy about it, watching the deputy reluctantly place John back in handcuffs to escort him into the cellar of the pub. John would have gone willingly, but Peter allowed his own bitterness to drive his decisions, because he was convinced that John had murdered Tony, given the plethora of circumstantial evidence. Everyone that knew John, really knew John, understood that he wasn’t capable of cold blooded murder. None of that mattered to Peter, who saw one thing… vengeance.

Bethany hadn’t returned. She had a family emergency to attend to and so Maggie, Hope, and Lexie were stepping in to help Marlena with the children. Sami sat quietly in the corner of the pub basement, near John’s cell, with a GED study guide opened in front of her. In truth she wasn’t accomplishing much. She’d woken up in the night to hear her mother crying on the other side of her bedroom door. They all felt a sense of helplessness as they tried to work through the evidence that pointed so damningly at John.

Sami glanced up to see her parents immersed in conversation, and she found herself, now that she was older, paying attention to the dynamic between her mother and John. It was so natural. She used to hate it.

Sami sat at the dining room table staring at her homework unseeing. Just the sound of John’s voice made her angry. The sound of her mothers voice made her angry. She hated them both. Clenching her fingers around her ink pen, she fumed. Both of them had torn their family apart. Eric was gone. John had left. What was there to show for it? A makeshift family that was barely holding itself together. Her father was rarely home, and her mother… Sami’s eyes narrowed in fury. Her mother was just a fucking whore who chose Roman Brady, but then fucked John. None of it made any sense! If they were going to have an affair, why did they choose other people? Why did her mother choose Roman? Why would John choose Isabella? Sami had lost everything because of their choices, and she didn’t even have to! They were both selfish!

John’s voice was soft behind her as he said, “Well, Roman said that he can’t find anything that ties Kristen into Stefano’s illegal business activities.”

Sami turned her head slightly to hear better as her mother asked, “Do you think it’s true? Do you think she never knew what her father was really all about?”

“I guess that’s what I want to believe, Doc.” Sami didn’t understand him at all! How was he going to have an affair with her mother, and then suddenly fall in love with Kristen Blake less than nine months later? Did love work that way? And if it did, she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to be a part of it. 

“You really care about her, don’t you?” Marlena asked him.

His casual, “Yeah I do,” had Sami wanting to destroy things. Throw something! Flip a table! Yell at them and rage. Instead she felt her fingernails digging into her palm as she closed her eyes tightly.

John said, “I can’t say the same for her brother though.”

“And who knew she had a brother running around somewhere?” Marlena exclaimed.

John said, “Well, I didn’t, but I ran into him this morning, and if I never run into him again, it’s all the same to me.” 

Sami wished she could turn around and see their faces. How were they having such a casual conversation when less than a year ago they were fucking on a table at Titan? 

She could hear the humor in her mom’s voice as she commented, “It didn’t go to well, huh?”

John scoffed, “That’s an understatement.”

Just as she was about as disgusted as she could be, and ready to tell them she was going upstairs, she heard John say, “Boy, you are gonna turn out to be just like your mommy, aren’t you? Yeah, you are. You’re going to be strong and independent, and… bossy as all get out.”

Marlena’s voice went up slightly as she feigned innocence. “What do you mean? Me bossy?”

Were they still fucking flirting? She felt her heart slamming in her chest, and her pulse beating in her neck.

“Well, you have been known to get your own way on occasion,” he said sarcastically.

“No! I–I will admit to being controlling sometimes–”

“ – Sometimes,” he said. “Do you hear that? She said sometimes. Sometimes? All the time! Not sometimes–”

“Hey! You be nice to me! I just had a baby,” Marlena told him.

“Oh, I’m just kidding you,” he laughed. “And you did have the best baby in the whole world!” John paused and then he said, “You know something, Doc?”

“Hmm?”

“She reminds me a lot of Brady when he was a newborn,” he said softly. Sami turned around in her chair, watching the way John gazed down at her little sister. 

Marlena was silent for a moment, before she asked softly, “She does?” Sami hated her even more at that moment. The flash of fear in her mothers eyes, immediately followed by guilt. She saw it.

John held Belle’s chin gently, and said with a smile, “Yeah. Look at her expression. Brady used to look just like that.”

Standing up quickly, panic gripped her as she pasted a smile on her face, “Mind if I hold her?”

Sami closed her eyes, pushing the horrible feelings down. She’d spent the last two years processing this rage and anger with Dr. Bower. The feelings that preceded her fury were loss, jealousy, and a feeling of being lied to. She needed to acknowledge those emotions because they were valid. She knew they were valid, but the way she’d been expressing them was unhealthy. She wasn’t angry. She was hurt. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My mother’s child is a savage

She looks for her omens in the colors of stones

In the faces of cats, in the falling of feathers

In the dancing of fire, in the curve of old bones

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami stared at them quietly. They finished each other’s sentences. They finished each other’s thoughts. There was a connection there that she had never been able to fully appreciate as a child, and even though she was technically still a child, she found that being older gave her insight into the deep connection they obviously still shared. Instead of anger she felt herself full of fascination. Would she someday have a connection like that? A connection that was so strong she would burn her life to the ground just to have a love that strong?

John looked at Marlena for a moment. She was absolutely beautiful. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, with wild tendrils framing her face. Her hazel eyes stared back at him behind a pair of glasses that he’d always found attractive. He was getting distracted, and her sexy smile told him she knew it. He glanced down at the notepad in front of him, saying, “Okay, so we’ve gone over where everybody was at the time Tony was shot—”

“—and everybody in Aremid has an explanation for their whereabouts—” Marlena interjected. She glanced at her notes, knowing they were almost identical.

” – Yeah, everybody except me…” John told her. He felt himself wanting to revert to old behaviors. The urge to punch a wall, or break something out of fear. He wasn’t that man anymore, or maybe he still was. He’d never reacted well when things were outside of his control.

Marlena saw John’s internal struggle. She reached through the bars of his cell, across the table he was sitting at, and she laced her fingers through his. Softly she told him, “Okay, let’s take it again, from the time you and Tony fought.”

A simple touch, and she brought him back from that dark place he was finding himself more and more often. With a heavy sigh, he said quietly, “All right… it was during the reception. Tony was goading me into a fight. Kristen backed him up, which made me angry, and then I said… I’d like to wipe Tony and Stefano right off the face of the earth.” He was exhausted, and they had gone over what happened so many times, in the hopes of discovering a new detail, something they might have missed, that he was beginning to feel hopeless. He wasn’t sure there was another clue. Maybe they weren’t missing anything. It was possibly the perfect crime, but he didn’t commit it.

“And that was at the reception?” Marlena asked him, rubbing her thumb over the top of his hand to keep his attention.

His vivid blue caught hers. That whole night was a blur for him. He’d been so angry. “Yeah. Yeah, and I guess everybody heard me say it…”

Softly, she prompted him, “What happened next?”

“That was when I got that strange phone call, and the man said that Tony was with Father Francis the night Father Francis had his heart attack — you know…” John was quiet for a moment, before he said, “We could be able to trace that call.” If they could trace the call, and find out where it came from, maybe that would be the lead they needed.

Marlena scrawled a note on her paper to ask Abe about tracing the phone call that John received that night. “Alright good, what did you do after the phone call?”

John stood up, and started pacing his cell. He ran his fingers through his hair in quiet frustration. He couldn’t lose it. Not in front of Marlena and Sami. He sighed again. “I went looking for Tony… found him in the sitting room, confronted him with what I heard.”

“That’s the fight that everybody heard?” she asked him while scribbling furiously on a notepad.

“Yeah,” John said at barely a whisper. He sat on the edge of his cot, and allowed his head to fall into his hands. He looked up at her after a few moments. “I thought he was acting so strange, Doc. That’s when he pulled out the picture of Belle. I remember, I grabbed – I grabbed for it, and that’s when he scratched me.” He lifted his hand, turning it towards her to show her the three long scratches across the top.

Marlena tipped her head slightly thinking about what John was telling her. “What was he doing with a picture of our daughter?”

John stood up again, “I’m convinced he was deliberately trying to provoke me.” Sami thought about what he was saying. It made sense. Tony had been acting odd for months, and having a picture of Belle on his person was odd. There was no reason for that.

“You said to me… on the phone… he was trying to goad you into a fight,” Marlena recalled. John had called her for support, and at that exact moment someone had killed Tony.

John’s voice rose in anger, “Oh, Doc! If I would’ve hit him, I would’ve killed him, I was that mad! But I-I just left…”

“…and you went out the other door and down the back staircase—” she finished. That’s when he’d called her. She didn’t doubt what he was telling her, but it left such a small window of time for someone else to commit the murder.

He nodded his head in agreement. “—closest exit. I was out in the woods, that’s when Bo found me, and told me Tony was shot.”

She stared at her notes. But how? “So the person who killed Tony, came in after you left—”

“—and used my gun to shoot him, yeah.” John knew it didn’t look good, and every day that passed he felt closer to being convicted. 

They could explain everything away as circumstantial, except the gunpowder residue. They had no explanation for that. Softly, she asked, “What about the gunpowder residue on your hands?”

“Well, Doc, that’s one thing I can’t figure out… whoever set this up, oh that was a neat package. You know, I can only think of one person who could pull this off…” John walked over to the table and sat back down. Sami was watching him, but he could see her mind at work. She was just as smart as her mother.

Marlena had an idea of who John suspected, but she still asked him, “Who?”

“The one man who hates me more than anybody in this world… Stefano DiMera.” He couldn’t think of anyone else who might have the motive or the resources to do this to him.

“Do you actually think that Stefano would kill his only natural son, just to blame you for it?” Marlena asked him incredulously. As much as Stefano hated John, he loved his family. He saw them as a reflection and an extension of himself. 

John scoffed, “Stefano’s insane. We all know that.”

As much as she hated to add to John’s frustration, she had to be honest with him. “No. Not the Stefano we know now.”

“I think that amnesia thing of his is just an act… you know the crimes he’s committed. He’s capable of anything!”

Marlena took her glasses off, and laid them on the table. “Okay, let’s say he is faking the amnesia. Tony is still his son. He loves family more than anything in the whole world. He would never kill Tony. Not for any reason,” she told him adamantly. Sami had to admit that even though Stefano was obviously a nut case, he did seem to have some weird obsession with his children. She couldn’t imagine that he would kill Tony either, but what she did wonder was how stable Tony was. What if Tony killed himself? The DiMera’s were crazy, right? It could be possible, especially if Tony had a mental illness or something else going on.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am my mother’s savage daughter

The one who runs barefoot, cursing sharp stones

I am my mother’s savage daughter

I will not cut my hair, I will not lower my voice

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“The man, he’s-he’s a psychopath without a conscience,” John said with his voice rising in desperation. The thought of Marlena defending Stefano, or even spending time with him, scared him to no end. Besides, if not Stefano, then who?

“Yes, he was, and maybe he still is, but he would never hurt Tony,” Marlena insisted. “He wouldn’t hurt his son.”

“All right then… who did?” John asked.

“Maybe he killed himself,” Sami said, closing her GED study guide. Both John and Marlena turned suddenly to face her, with matching looks of shock on their faces. She shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, and said, “I was thinking about it and it might be the only thing that fits. Plus, it really would be the perfect crime. He could have planned every single detail with the sole intent of framing you.”

“Why would he do that?” John asked her slowly. Tony killing himself? Would he do that? Would he be that desperate?

“I was thinking about it… and he hated you right?” Sami said slowly. “He hated you enough that you had already noticed his hostility towards you for weeks. Everyone had.”

“But enough to kill himself, just to frame John? Sami, that’s – that’s insane,” Marlena whispered. But given the nature of her job, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility if someone was suffering from delusional fantasies. 

“Aren’t most of the DiMera’s insane, Mom? Stefano has faked his own death, he faked dad’s, he had Hope for years… he had you for years.” She stared at John for a moment, and then whispered, “He convinced you that you were Roman Brady. Why would he do that? Because he’s insane. I think it’s worth looking into. Trace every single step Tony made from the time he came to Aremid. Abe should go back over the sitting room where Tony died again. Look at everything in there. Take things apart if he has too. Don’t just trust that Peter has done it. All of Tony’s belongings should be looked at again, too. And his medical records. We can’t just let this go, because I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I know it sounds crazy, but what else do we have?” Sami said.

John looked at Sami in awe. She was right. Why was he trusting that Peter was doing a thorough investigation? He smiled at her, “You’re amazing. You know that, kid?” 

Sami gave him a shy smile, “I haven’t been sleeping well, so I have a lot of time to think.”

John turned to Marlena, he said, “Can we do that, Doc? Can we get access to Tony’s medical records? I’m desperate… we’re desperate, but my gut says that there is a ring of truth to what Sami’s suggesting. I mean maybe… just maybe… there’s more.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My mother’s child dances in darkness

She sings heathen songs by the light of the moon

And watches the stars, and renames the planets

And dreams she can reach them with a song and a broom

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kristen stood just outside of the pub cellar listening to John’s conversation with Marlena and Sami. She was frustrated, and angry. She knew she shouldn’t have walked out on John when they got the results of the gunpowder residue test, but since her return to Aremid, every time she came to see John, or attempted to find a private moment to speak with him, Marlena or Sami was there. She needed to know if their relationship could survive this. She had to know. Finally deciding that she couldn’t wait any longer, she opened the door to the basement, and entered. All three heads turned to face her, with Sami’s holding a look of complete loathing. 

Marlena stood up, and looked at John, saying quietly, “You have company.”

“Don’t go,” he told her, grabbing onto her hand. The last thing he wanted was to be left alone with Kristen. 

“I have to,” she whispered. She leaned closer. “I’m going to find Abe and Micky… we’re going to get to work on Sami’s suggestion, because I think there’s some merit in it.” She glanced at her daughter with pride, and then leaned even closer. Barely above a whisper, she said, “I’ll be back.”

John reached his hand out, gently running his palm over her cheek, smiling at her, “Okay.”

One word from him, and it said everything she needed to hear. It was love. It was reassurance. She squeezed his hand. “We’ll be back at dinner time. You won’t have to eat alone,” she said. Staring into his eyes, she mouthed the words I love you, before turning and leaving the room with Sami trailing closely behind her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We are all brought forth out of darkness

Into this world, through blood and through pain

And deep in our bones, the old songs are waking

So sing them with voices of thunder and rain

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kristen watched John’s face while he quietly conversed with Marlena, and she felt herself suffused with anger and jealousy. She couldn’t understand how Marlena could so completely believe in John’s innocence, when all of the evidence pointed at him. Kristen loved John with her whole heart, but she couldn’t get over her doubt in his innocence. She stood near the door, saying softly, “I heard Marlena say something about Abe and Micky.”

John looked at her sadly, and said without any details, “She thinks we might have something that could help my case.”

She smiled weakly, “Well that’s good news. Maybe things aren’t as bleak as they seem right now—”

John cut her off, saying, ” – Oh, I don’t know about that Kristen. I would say bleak, pretty much describes the state of things right now.”

“I know you’re angry with me,” she said sadly. Her father had told her she needed to fix her relationship with John if she truly loved him, even if she had to lie to do it. She was prepared to do that to keep him in her life.

“I’m not angry. I’m just so hurt, and disappointed,” he told her. It was true. He stared at her realizing that she was not the woman he’d believed her to be. At every turn she had doubted him. From the moment she learned who he was, she had doubted him. He’d been so desperate to move past his love for Marlena that he’d ignore the red flags. He stared around his cell and blamed himself for where he found himself.

Kristen kept her voice soft and hurt. “That’s why you didn’t want to see me.”

John sighed, “I think it’s better. I don’t want either of us to be hurt anymore.”

Kristen came closer to the bars of his cell, pressing her face against them, encircling them with her fingers. She stared at him with tears in her eyes, and whispered, “I love you. All I can do is hope and pray that my love is strong enough to repair the damage I’ve done.”

John knew that the damage was beyond repair. There was nothing Kristen could ever do to fix it, and honestly, he wouldn’t want their relationship repaired. Now that Marlena was in his life, there was no going back. He looked at her, and said softly, “I think you’d better go.”

She started to cry. “Oh please don’t do that. Don’t send me away. At least let me know that there’s still a chance.”

“You don’t trust me. You don’t believe in me,” he said with growing frustration.

“I love you!” she said crying, as if loving him would fix everything.

John scoffed, “Love doesn’t mean anything without trust. Isn’t that why you left Tony?”

“He deliberately deceived me,” she said. John just stared at her with a blank look, and she realized that she had done the same thing to him. She hadn’t believed in him, and she hadn’t trusted him. “I know! I know! I know! I know, you’ve only been completely honest with me—”

“Then why couldn’t you believe I didn’t do it!” he shouted at her.

Kristen stepped back at the harshness in his tone and the anger in his eyes, saying, “I wanted to, John! I know, I was wrong, and I never should have doubted you.”

He stepped closer, staring into her lying eyes, “But you did… and you still do, don’t you?”

She cried out loudly, “I’m not going to let you go. We have to find that trust and that faith again! Just tell me that you’ll try.”

“I can’t, Kristen. I won’t. You made your choice. I think you should go now,” he said with finality.

“Is it because of Marlena? Your precious Doc?” Kristen asked him in a blind panic, her jealousy consuming her. “She believes in you completely, and I don’t, right? She has no doubt in your innocence… what, because she’s perfect? Well, I’m sorry I’m not perfect, but I do love you!”

John turned away from her, and walked towards his cot saying, “Marlena is not a topic I will discuss with you. This conversation is over. You can go now.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We are our mother’s savage daughters

The one who runs barefoot, cursing sharp stones

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena was walking through the park on her way back to see John, after speaking with Abe and Mickey, when she ran into Kristen. She was obviously upset, and had been crying. Marlena could only assume that her conversation with John had not gone the way she’d hoped it would. Kristen looked up at her from where she sat on the bend, and said with venom, “You’re probably happy.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Kristen,” Marlena responded calmly.

“Marlena, you know how much I love John. How much I want to marry him. How much I want to have his children,” Kristen told her. “And yet, everytime I try to see him you’re by his side. I should be there!”

Kristen’s words tore little holes in her soul, and caused doubt to creep in, making her wonder if John hadn’t moved on too quickly with her. Did he love Kristen more than he let on? Marlena asked her, “Do you still want that?”

Kristen stared at her hands, whispering, “Do you know that I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love John?”

Marlena was angry. If Kristen loved John the way she claimed, why did she give up on him so easily? “Tony made you doubt him. Peter did, too.”

“No. No, actually it was you,” Kristen told her with accusation in her voice.

“What does that mean?”

“John swore to me that he didn’t kill Tony, but you see, he also swore to me that his relationship with you was over with… but I see the two of you, just huddled in your little whispered conversations… touching each other, embracing each other. The two of you are still in love!” Kristen cried.

Marlena was caught off guard, but quickly said, “You could not be more wrong about my relationship with John.” She knew that no one could find out about her marriage to John, and she had to continue this conversation as such. Perpetuate the lie that she and John had moved on, when it was so far from the truth.

Kristen eyed Marlena with distrust, “I know what I’ve seen.”

“I don’t know what you think you’ve seen, but our romantic relationship was over years ago,” Marlena stated matter of factly.

Kristen couldn’t help the animosity in her tone as she said, “oh, I know. I know, that’s what John said too. But see, there was something I found a little disturbing.”

Something felt off about the way Kristen was watching her. Marlena wanted the conversation to be over, and yet she still asked, “What’s that?”

“John called me Doc, one night, when we were in bed,” Kristen told her.

Marlena’s heart soared. He was thinking of her. It was just as he’d said. He was always thinking of her. She knew that it must have hurt Kristen immensely, but for her, it meant that John was thinking of her, even when he wasn’t with her. Marlena asked Kristen, “Did he say why?”

“Yeah, he said it was an innocent mistake—”

“—then it was. Why don’t you believe him?” she asked.

Kristen’s eyes narrowed, “What about all the other times I’ve seen you together, since we’ve been in Aremid?”

“Kristen, I care about John!” Marlena told her with exasperation. “We have a child together! That bonds us together. When he was arrested for Tony’s murder I wanted to make sure that he knew I was here to care about him, and to support him. That I believed in his innocence!”

“Well, it doesn’t even matter at this point, does it? We’re done. He just told me as much. He also refused to discuss you at all, so I’ve got my answer on that front, don’t I?” Kristen said before she walked away. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We are our mother’s savage daughters

We will not cut our hair, we will not lower our voice

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Savage Daughter – Ekaterina Shelehova

Chapter 12 – Private Investigations

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s a mystery to me

The game commences

For the usual fee

Plus expenses

Confidential information

It’s in a diary

This is my investigation

It’s not a public inquiry

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe and Micky met with Peter, and another officer outside of the sitting room where Tony was shot. The whole house felt different in the  hazy light of a cold winter afternoon. Peter had insisted on being present, as well as having another officer there to “protect the integrity” of the crime scene. Abe had been slightly offended that his integrity had even been called into question, but Abe didn’t feel
Peter’s opinions held much credence anyway. His immediate distrust and suspicion of anyone who sided with John seemed excessive, so much so that he actually believed that Abe or Micky might plant evidence to clear John. 

The room had been cordoned off since the night Tony died, and no one had been in there except for a forensics team from the state, and crime scene investigators brought in by Peter, but as John’s lawyer, Mickey had a right to examine the scene himself, with another officer, and he chose Abe Carver. He wasn’t feeling very hopeful. Two specialized teams had gone over the place already, but as Abe had pointed out earlier, those teams were already biased, considering the case solved already. Plus, they had Peter Blake whispering in their ear the whole time. How hard would they be looking for evidence that would prove John’s innocence? If they were already convinced of John’s guilt, they might overlook things. 

At first glance, everything in the room seemed to be in order, but Abe had been a police officer, and a detective, for long enough to know that things were not always what they seemed. He had been assigned to too many cases where even the simplest clues were overlooked as unimportant only to turn a case on its head. He began walking around the room lifting items to measure their weight in his hand looking for inconsistencies, and to see if perhaps there might be things hidden under them, or behind them. Candle sticks, papers, lamps, and books were all subject to his scrutiny. 

Peter watched him with a sneer, “Is this how great detective work is done?”

Abe smiled, refusing to respond to the other man. He looked away from him, and reached out to lift a book off the side table, only to realize that the books were connected. The block was pushed back, landing with a hollow thud. Abe cocked an eyebrow. With two hands he lifted it. It weighed almost nothing, so it was hollow. It looked exactly like a set of books. The detail on the paint was exquisite, even going so far as to mimic fine grain leather. Abe wasn’t sure why the Blake’s, who had more than enough money to buy real books, would choose to have fake ones. Why wouldn’t they just have actual books? So the box he held must serve some other purpose. 

“Micky, can you come here for a sec?” Abe said over his shoulder, catching Mickey’s attention.

“Have you found something?” Mickey asked him, walking over. He’d watched Abe methodically walk around the room, and he could admire good investigative work when he saw it.

In a low tone, Abe replied, “I think we should try and get a closer look at this. It’s painted to look like books, but it’s a box. The paint work is done so well… it’s intended to be deceptive. To the naked eye, one would believe it was books. It’s definitely not, I’m just not sure how it opens.” He turned it over in his hands looking for a seam.

“Could be spring loaded,” Micky mumbled from behind him. “Look for a line where it might open. If we can find that we might be able to pry it open.”

Peter’s eyes went wide when he heard what they said. “Hey! We’re not going to be damaging things in my family’s home! These are valuable family heirlooms!” 

“This is a crime scene, Peter,” Abe said with force, “and as such, the accused has the right to know that all avenues were exhausted in an attempt to prove his innocence. You have gone over this room with investigators, and your only intention was to find evidence to prove John’s guilt. The fact that you were even appointed as special prosecutor is already highly suspect, in my mind. We have the right, as his defense, to go over it again.”

Mickey turned to the other officer in the room, and said, “Deputy Helms, do you have a tool kit in the car outside… and some plastic bags?”

“I’ll just run out and get it,” Deputy Helms told him, turning to leave the room. He had spent enough time following Peter around to realize that this case against John Black was one-sided at best. Peter Blake was doing everything in his power to prove that John was a murderer, even going so far as to ignore or disregard evidence that might prove otherwise. He was happy that Abe Carver and Mickey Horton had decided to give the room a once over on their own terms. He ignored the hard stare that Peter gave him before he left the room.

Abe ran his finger down a line in the center of the box. “Right here.”

When Deputy Helms returned with the requested supplies, Mickey reached for them saying, “Thank you, Roger. We appreciate it.”

Abe had turned the box onto its back, and dug through the tools looking for something flat that he might be able to wedge into the seam running along the front of it. Mickey was right, it was spring loaded, a powerful spring, one that held the box tightly closed with considerable force. Abe and Mickey both knew that had it been for decoration it would have been much easier to access the hidden space within. They would have to pull it open, and hope to keep their fingers safe from harm.

While Abe and Deputy Helm’s fumbled with the box across the room, Mickey noticed something in the fireplace. He knew Peter was watching the whole scene with a scowl on his face, and he slid his latex gloves on with a lingering sense of satisfaction. He couldn’t help the small smile he had as he leaned down to retrieve a miniscule piece of white cotton from the cold hearth. Placing it in a small plastic bag, he sealed it carefully. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it looked like the charred remains to a fingertip from a white cotton glove. 

Walking over to Abe he said, “I found this in the fireplace. I’d like forensics to take a look at it, if we could.” Just at the moment he finished speaking, the box popped open, and Abe stared down at a metal mechanism inside. After scanning over it quickly, he found a small lever that allowed him to safely set it down without it snapping shut again, essentially resetting the spring loaded mechanism inside. Mickey smiled widely as he and Abe made eye contact, “Well, I’ll be damned!” 

Abe wiped the perspiration from his forehead, as he exclaimed, “You’re right about that, partner… I wonder…” He continued to stare at the device in front of him trying to work out what it was. Abe turned to Peter suddenly, and said, “I want the gun. The nickel plated .45 that shot Tony, where is it?”

“That’s evidence! It’s already been sealed!” Peter replied loudly.

Abe was beyond angry. Peter had tried to block their path every step of the way. “We have the right to view evidence! Stop trying to hedge every possible gain we make in this case! An innocent man could die!”

Unable to stall the furious men in front of him any longer, Peter said rudely, “Alan, get the gun.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I go checking out the reports

Digging up the dirt

You get to meet all sorts

In this line of work

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Twenty minutes later, Abe was positioning the gun that shot Tony into the mechanism in the box. It was a perfect fit. In fact the fit was so snug and perfect that no other weapon could possibly fit. It was designed for a .45. Abe stood there staring at it in awe, and as he glanced over he saw the surprise on Peter Blake’s face as well.

“Well, would you look at that!” Mickey said in wonder, turning to glance at Peter. “I think the judge is going to find it exceedingly fascinating to learn that a box, posing as a set of books, has a mechanism inside specifically designed for a .45… the same weapon that shot Tony. I mean, look at the design, no other type of gun would even fit.”

Abe, thinking out loud, said, “You’re right about that, partner, but how was it triggered… and who triggered it?”

Mickey did want to subscribe to crazy conspiracy theories, but he felt it needed to be asked. “Could Tony have triggered it? Could it have been a suicide, the way Sami said? Marlena mentioned that Sami suggested it was possible Tony killed himself, and framed John. Did he hate John that much? At first, I thought the idea was far fetched, but this—”

“—my brother would never kill himself! That’s ridiculous! You’re following the suggestions of a seventeen year old child! Even the insinuation that he committed suicide, is an disgrace to his memory!” Peter yelled. “Tony was not suicidal.”

Completely ignoring Peter’s emotional outburst, Deputy Helm’s interjected, “If he triggered it himself, he’d have needed something that was small, and easily overlooked. Something that wouldn’t be suspicious. It would have been with him when we found him, after the shooting.”

Abe felt hope rise up in him, for the first time in weeks. He looked at Alan, and said excitedly, “Where are Tony’s personal belongings?”

Alan smiled, and turned to the box of evidence he had brought with him. He pulled out a plastic bag containing Tony’s wallet, an ink pen, and a photo of Kristen. “This was everything he had on him that night?” Abe asked him, eyeing the bag with curiosity.

“Yes, that’s everything.”

“The pen,” Micky told Abe. “We need to take a closer look at that pen.”

Abe took the pen from the bag, and from a perfunctory glance it seemed like a standard, nondescript Cross pen, with a gold colored barrel. Abe reached for the notepad he always kept in his jacket pocket, and attempted to make some scribbles on the paper. “It doesn’t write. It doesn’t even seem to have a nib to write with,” Abe said as he started to turn the barrel counter clockwise. “Wait. Did you hear that click?” He stared at the wooden box fitted with the .45, and then he asked, “Alan, do we have any blanks to fit a .45?”

He’d never been involved in a case so exciting. “I do in the car, I’ll run and get them.”

Peter didn’t believe it. “This is insane! My brother did not kill himself! Why would he do that?”

“Depression… mental illness… a brian tumor,” Mickey listed any number of things that could lead a person to suicide. “The fact is, Pete, that it’s plausible.”

“But to end his own life, to get back at John Black? No one would do that!” Peter’s voice was steadily rising. His brother would never have killed himself. He knew that. Mickey and Abe were trying to protect a murderer, and he was going to prove it, although he had to admit that this discovery definitely added an unfortunate wrinkle to his case against John.

Roger returned with the blanks, and Abe loaded the gun, resettling it into the mechanism, and stepping back. “I need everyone to move to the side. We don’t know exactly how this thing works, so I’d like to be as safe as possible.”

When the area in front of the table was cleared, Abe clicked the pen, triggering the mechanism. A loud pop resounded throughout the silent room, the gun was flipped forward onto the floor, and the box snapped shut with a snap. “Well, I’ll fucking be!” Abe said in awe.

“I think we’ve just established reasonable doubt,” Mickey said with a smirk.

Abe smiled back, “I think you’re right, partner.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Treachery and Treason

There’s always an excuse for it

And when I find the reason

I still can’t get used to it

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena watched as John restlessly paced his cell. They were waiting for news from Abe and Mickey, but she knew that the longer they took the more thorough they were being. Abe would go through the crime scene with a fine toothed comb. He would go over the scene several times if he thought he may have missed something. Abe didn’t do sloppy police work, and where John was concerned he would work even harder, because Abe agreed with Marlena. The case against John was too perfect.

She stood up, wrapping her fingers around the bars as she watched him. “John?”

“How long is this going to take, Doc?” he asked her loudly. “I can’t stand the waiting.”

“Do you trust Abe?” she asked him softly.

“Of course, I trust Abe!” He rubbed his hands over his face, and then looked up at her with bleak eyes. “I’m so scared. I’m scared of losing Brady and Belle. I’m scared of losing Sami, Eric, and Carrie… and the thing I’m scared of most is losing you.”

“You’re not going to lose us, John.” She stared at him with eyes that were pleading. “We won’t let that happen. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

He loved her. He loved her so much it hurt. Striding towards the iron bars where his wife stood on the other side, he reached for her, cupping her face and pulling her as close as he could with the bars between them. She could make as many promises as she wanted, all in an attempt to settle his soul, but the fact remained that it was out of their hands. But he loved her all the more for those promises. “Do you know how much you mean to me, Doc?’

“I think you’ve said that a few times recently,” she whispered.

“I should have told you how I felt after we were free of Maison Blanche.” John kissed her softly. “I should have been honest about my feelings. All those quiet moments in the hospital when it was on the tip of my tongue and I held back. I should have told you.”

“I love you.” She stroked the back of her hand across his forehead, and then allowed her fingers to gently dance over his lips. “Dear G-d, I love you so much.”

Reaching through the bars, John wrapped his arm around Marlena’s waist and pulled her closer. His lips kissed hers softly. A soft moan escaped her, and he groaned, lacing his other arm through the bars. His fingers twined in her hair, and then he was lost in the taste of her. A deep rumble sounded in his chest as he felt the cool metal of the cell bars pressed into his cheeks. He didn’t care. He needed more of her. He always needed more of her.

“Oh, G-d, John,” Marlena gasped. He smiled against her lips.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And what have you got

At the end of the day?

What have you got 

To take away?

A bottle of whiskey

And a new set of lies

Blinds on the windows

And a pain behind the eyes

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Abe entered the cellar, closely followed by Mickey, Marlena gasped. She could tell they had news. Good news. It was the smirk on Abe’s face and the way his eyes lit up. Mickey smiled at both of them, and said, “We got something.”

“Oh, we more than got something,” Abe added. He stared at John for a moment, and then laughed, “You are not going to believe this buddy!”

It took Abe and Mickey less than fifteen minutes to fill in all  of the information they had garnered over the previous four hours. Marlena sat down in her hard wooden chair with a look of awe and shock. John stood at the bars to his cell, gripping them with white knuckled ferocity. “Are you telling me that Sami was right?”

“What we’re saying,” Mickey told him, “is that she might not be wrong, but we have to dig deeper.”

“I don’t fucking believe this,” John said quietly. “Why? Why would he do that?”

“Now, slow down, John.” Abe knew there was much more investigating to be done. John wasn’t going to be released tomorrow. “The judge is still refusing bail, even with this new information. Mickey and I discussed it, and we’re going to have to subpoena Tony’s medical records. Forensics still need to be run on the cotton Mickey found in the hearth… and we’re going to have to see about matching the burnt piece of the photograph with the original photo of Belle. All of the pieces have to fit, and we can’t make a mistake. We can’t rush this. Not with your life on the line.”

John rested his head against the cool metal bars, “I know… shit… I know. I’m going mad in here like a caged animal. It reminds me of…”

Marlena stood up, reaching for John’s hand through the bars. The door to the cellar opened, and Deputy Cox poked his head in. “I’m going to need to lock up in about an hour. I just wanted to let ya’ll know.”

“Thank you,” Marlena said softly. She glanced at John, and then asked, “Could I maybe… could you allow me some time with John?”

Deputy Cox seemed wary, but he said, “I’ll have to lock you in ma’am.”

“That’s fine,” she said softly. If she was with John it wouldn’t matter where she was. Deputy Cox’s keys rattled loudly as Abe and Mickey said their goodbyes, but by that point Marlena only had eyes for her husband. She still couldn’t believe it. He was her husband. She almost ran into his arms when the cell door slid open. She quickly glanced at Deputy Cox, whispering “Thank you.”

He smiled back at her. He’d never met two nicer people in his life than Dr. Evans and John Black. He wasn’t sure what their relationship was, and in truth he knew it was none of his business. Glancing back at the door to the cellar, he said, “I’ll be back in an hour… and I’ll try to make sure you have some privacy.”

John was reaching for Marlena even as he whispered “Thank you.”

Upstairs, Stefano watched with sly eyes as the Deputy told Kristen that John wasn’t seeing any more visitors for the night. He hadn’t seen Marlena for hours, and even though he suspected where she was he couldn’t be certain. Maintaining his act of amnesia was difficult when all he wanted to do was watch John die, and then take Marlena for himself. His Queen of the Night. Flames of hatred lit his soul, but he would have her soon enough. He reached inside his coat tracing his fingers over the soft leather of Tony’s journal, while simultaneously feeling the sting on his neck from where the Woman in White had fought him for it. He adjusted his scarf to make sure the scratches were covered, and he smiled at the man behind the bar. The people of Aremid didn’t trust him, and rightfully so. Rightfully so.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Scarred for life

No compensation

Private investigations

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Private Investigations – Dire Straits

Chapter 13 – Something

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Something in the way she moves

Attracts me like no other lover

Something in the way she woos me

I don’t want to leave her now, you know I believe in how

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena decided to go check on Stefano, since she hadn’t seen him for a couple of days. She had been busy with the children, and Sami, as well as trying to be a support system for John. She had also facilitated most of the hospital paperwork that Mickey required to move forward in his attempt to gain access to Tony’s medical records. John’s theory that Stefano had faked, or was still currently, faking his amnesia had been rolling through her mind, and even her dreams, since he had mentioned it the other day. But the biggest reason she had been avoiding Stefano had been their conversation the last time she’d seen him. It had left her feeling unsettled, and she couldn’t shake the thought: what if John was right? Was it possible that Stefano had been successfully fooling her for months? She wasn’t sure. She’d believed him until more recently. His accident a couple weeks earlier had been when she’d started to see a change. Stefano had a different look in his eyes. There were moments when he paused just a second too long, or he stared at her with an intensity that made her uncomfortable.

Marlena entered Stefano’s room with a smile, and he watched her appreciatively from where he sat in his wheelchair. “Marlena! Come in!”

“I haven’t been able to see you for awhile, and I thought I would check in very briefly. I have to get back to the children.” She came in, still feeling slightly nervous.

“I’m glad you are here,” he said, seeming to not notice her wariness. “I wanted to speak with you about something.”

“Oh?” she asked.

He wheeled himself over to the small table on the other side of the room, and reached for a royal blue, velvet covered box. Turning to face her he said, “Marlena, you know that you mean a great deal to me, and I owe you so much for your help and your support.”

Giving him a gentle smile, she replied, “You owe me nothing.”

“I feel I do,” he told her, staring up at her. “And I want to apologize for not getting anything for you for Christmas. Well, what with everything that happened… my son’s death, your…” He paused, and then said, “Anyway, I have something for you now.” He handed her the blue box he had retrieved, fully expecting Marlena to reach for it. 

Slowly, she extended her hand, asking, “What is this?”

“Open it,” he replied with a smile.

The box let out a small squeak as the hinges tried to hide the secrets within. Marlena let out a small gasp when her eyes landed on what was inside. 

“Well?” His eyes were lit up with anticipation, as if he expected her to gush over the gift in her hands. “What do you think?”

“Oh… oh… oh, it’s beautiful.” And it was. A perfect strand of pearls with a gold clasp. It was the type of gift a lover would give, and it made her more uncomfortable than she already was. It was too intimate. She shook her head slowly, “I’m sorry. I can’t accept this.”

Stefano’s smile left his face immediately. “You will not accept my gift?”

She closed the box definitively, and handed it back to him. “I’m sorry, Stefano.”

He sighed, as if he were regretfully accepting her refusal, but she saw something in his eyes that scared her just before he said, “May, I, uh, may I ask why?”

She was firm when she told him, “The necklace is entirely too extravagant.”

Stefano shrugged, “They are only pearls–”

“ – no. No. They are exquisite, matched, perfect pearls. I’m touched by your generosity, and I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I can’t accept the necklace. I hope you understand,” she said softly, but by the look in his eyes, he didn’t. 

His next words held little truth, “Yes, I, uh, understand perfectly.”

Marlena stopped at the end of the hall, staring at Stefano’s door near the end. It was ajar, and she could hear voices, but they were indistinct. She sighed. She was tired, and her recent interactions with Stefano had her having nightmares about John being executed because of Stefano or Stefano kidnapping her again. Was it possible? Was Stefano so diabolical that he had fooled her for months? She wasn’t sure, but she knew she had to continue her relationship with the premise that he still had no memory of his past, because if he did, that made him exceedingly dangerous, not just to her, but to John as well. 

Adjusting her skirt, she approached the door to his room, and heard Celeste’s voice, clear and precise, “No, Stefano! Don’t do this!”

Stefano yelled at her, “Let go, Celeste!” He tried to tug Tony’s diary out of her hand in a rage.

It slipped from her perfectly manicured fingers. “This is wrong! That diary proves that John is innocent!” Marlena leaned against the wall outside of Stefano’s room, and gasped slightly, covering her mouth with her hand.

For the first time in months, she heard Stefano’s voice. His true voice. The one filled with evil, malice, and hatred. “John may be innocent of pulling the trigger, but as far as I am concerned, he killed my son!” It was that statement, and the inflection in Stefano’s voice, that convinced Marlena that John had been right, Stefano did have his memory back. Not only that, but he had evidence, a diary, proving John’s innocence, and he was withholding it. She shouldn’t have been so surprised.

“How can you say that?” Celeste demanded, staring down at him in shock. Tony had destroyed his own life with his lies. 

Still undeterred, Stefano roared, “Because he destroyed Tony and Kristen’s marriage, that’s why!”

“No! Tony destroyed his marriage by betraying Kristen’s trust!” Celeste told him, trying to get him to see sense.

“They could have worked it out, but John pressured Kristen to leave Tony! He deserves to be punished!” Stefano roared back at her.

Marlena quickly stepped away from Stefano’s door. Her muscles were trembling, and all she could think about was getting out of Blake House before she was seen. The cold winter air hit her face when she opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. She had one thing on her mind, she had to find Abe and Mickey. This was serious. This was beyond serious. Stefano had his memory back, and if he was involved in intentionally trying to get John convicted, then he most likely had Judge Walker in his pocket as well. She had to tell them about the diary, because Tony’s diary held the key. Marlena had enough experience with Stefano over the years to know that he was incredibly devious. Now that she knew that he had his memory back, she would always assume the worst.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Somewhere in her smile, she knows

That I don’t need no other lover

Something in her style shows me

I don’t want to leave her now, you know I believe in how

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John smelled Marlena’s perfume before he even looked up, and smiled to himself. Never, with anyone else in his life, had the mere presence of someone brought him as much joy as Marlena. He could sense her without setting his eyes on her. There were moments when the hair on his neck had stood up, and he turned around in a crowded room to find her watching him. He glanced towards his solitary window, noticing the moon was high in the sky. “Hey, Doc. I  didn’t expect to see you again tonight,” John said standing up from his cot.

She hesitated, not wanting to lead with the fact that she’d just come from seeing Abe and Mickey after seeing Stefano. “I thought you might be a little anxious about the case,” she said to him, approaching his cell.

“Ah, it’s like I told Mickey, I feel good about it. I feel—” John responded, trying to sound unconcerned and nonchalant. He didn’t want to worry Marlena. She was worried enough about him, plus Brady and Belle, and everything going on with Sami. Kate and Lucas were coming to Aremid in a few days, and she had that on her mind. His concerns he kept to himself for now.

She studied him closely for a moment, before saying, “—you can fool Mickey, but you can’t fool me.”

He gave her a small chagrined smirk, saying, “Nope. Can’t fool you, Doc. It’s only because you know me so well.”

“We’ve shared some very rough times together…” she said to him softly, as he wrapped his hands around hers where she gripped the cell bars. Even after everything they’d been through, she wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.

“And some very fine times, too…” he murmured, lifting his hand to run his thumb over her bottom lip. 

Marlena shivered, blushing slightly. “You’ve always been there for me.” She reached for John’s hand holding his fingers against her mouth for a moment, before threading her fingers through his. “You are anxious, aren’t you?”

“Well, now the trial’s about to start…yeah, I’m getting a little bit nervous. The evidence against me is strong. Yeah, it’s circumstantial, but there’s a lot of it… and now, I’m starting to get nervous about waiving a jury trial. I was so convinced they would find what I needed to exonerate me, but now I’m not so–””

” –we have the box, and the pen that was a trigger,” she told him. 

“But is that enough, Doc? It was my gun, the gunpowder residue was on my hand—”

” –Micky’s got the subpoena for Tony’s medical records… and… ” Marlena wasn’t sure if she should tell John what she had overheard outside Stefano’s room. Her voice trailed off, but he was already watching her intently. She looked at him for a moment, trying to decide. John has been lied to so many times, and by so many people. Marlena couldn’t lie to him then.

“What?” John asked her, studying her face as her emotions played over it. His thumb was running softly over hers as they stood there, his face inches from hers. “What are you hesitating about?”

“I overheard something earlier today,” she said, lowering her voice. She glanced over her shoulder, ensuring that the door to the cellar was closed. “I went to see Stefano, to check on him after the incident with the lightning, and—”

“Doc! I don’t want you around him! I don’t trust him—” John exclaimed, pulling back in agitation almost immediately. He ran his fingers through his hair roughly, stepping back to her, while reaching through the bars to gently push a strand of her hair off of her forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just so scared.”

Marlena quickly turned to look over her shoulder again, making sure no one else was there, before saying, in low tones, “I know, I know. I know, John… I-I overheard him… and Celeste. He has evidence, evidence that you didn’t shoot Tony, and Celeste knows about it, too… and, I think, I think, he has his memory back,” she told him barely above a whisper.

“I knew it! Doc, stay away from him! Please!” John reached for her face with both hands to stare into her eyes. “I can’t worry about you while I’m locked up in here!” he said in desperation.

“I left right away, John. I did. I went to look for Abe and Mickey. They know. I told them. Mickey’s leaving Aremid tonight to get Tony’s medical records from University Hospital. Abe’s going to try, and get a search warrant for the Blake House, but he wants to keep it as quiet as possible, so Stefano doesn’t run, or destroy the evidence. We’re going to figure this out,” she said softly. She took his hand in hers, kissing the inside of his wrist gently. “We are.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You’re askin’ me, will my love grow?

I don’t know, I don’t know

You stick around, now it may show

I don’t know, I don’t know

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Deputy Helms poked his head in, saying, “Is everything alright? Do you need anything?”

“Hey Paul, could you let Doc in here for a while?” John asked him. He needed her with him, if only for a short time.

“I’ll have to lock her in with you… ” he responded warily.

“That’s fine. Deputy Cox did it the other day,” Marlena told him with a smile. “I’ll be fine.”

“Sure. Sure. I can do that. I’ll check back in say a half hour? An hour?” he asked them.

“An hour should be fine,” John said. “Oh, and Paul, I’m not up for any more visitors tonight, unless Abe Carver comes by.”

Paul nodded his head once, and then unlocked John’s cell allowing Marlena to pass through. Securing the cell door once more, he told them, “I’ll check back in an hour.”

John’s arms wrapped around her almost as soon as she entered. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply, and holding onto her tightly. He moaned into her hair, “G-d, I missed you, woman. I get you in my arms for an hour, and I’m not going to waste it.”

Paul couldn’t help smiling as he exited the cellar. He heard Dr. Evans laugh, “John you see me every day, multiple times a day.”

“S’not the same,” John mumbled, rubbing his face in her neck, licking a line along the back of her ear. “S’definitely not the same,” he told her as his hands moved over her hips, pulling her closer, and cupping her butt. In a teasing tone he asked her, “Have I ever told you how much I love your ass, Doc?”

“A few times over the years,” she chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Kiss me, Sailor.” Marlena pulled his mouth down to hers, and softly teased her tongue across the seam of his lips.

John moaned into her mouth, walking her slowly and methodically back towards the wall. He licked his way over the perfumed softness of her skin, picking up traces of salt and soap while biting at her earlobe. When he returned to her mouth, his hands started fumbling with the buttons on her blouse, because he was desperate to get his hands on her skin. “G-d, Doc, I need you so bad,” he rasped into her mouth.

“John-John, someone could walk in…” she whispered, just as he bit the skin at the edge of her bra. With trembling fingers, he pulled her bra down, licking over her nipple. Marlena’s head fell back against the wall, as she moaned, “Oh, G-d… what if Abe shows up?”

John’s hand had worked its way up under her skirt. Sucking her nipple again, he moaned against her soft flesh, “Please, baby? Please?” He wrapped his fingers around the elastic waistband of her panties, grateful that she was wearing thigh high stockings. Tugging on them he whispered, “We’ll be quick.” He managed to slip her satin panties down over her legs, watching in awe as they tangled around her ankles and her high heels. Marlena spread her legs, allowing him to bury his fingers between her legs, and she knew there was no stopping him. She didn’t want to. A deep rumble sounded in his chest, “You are so fucking wet for me, baby. I can’t wait to slide myself into you.”

She glanced towards the cellar door one last time, and prayed that Deputy Helm kept prying eyes away, as she gasped, “Do it, do it… oh, G-d… do it.” Marlena’s fingers shook as she scrambled to get John’s pants unfastened, and she moaned out loud as her hand wrapped around his length. He was already hard. She pulled at him, several long, lengthy strokes, before he pushed her hand aside with impatience, and lifted her leg over his arm.

The cool air of the room hit her center, and she couldn’t stop her whimper of want. She stared at him with wide hazel eyes, gasping, “John!”

He lined the tip of his cock up with her soft opening, and closed his eyes for a moment. She was wet, and hot. He was going to come so quickly. He started sliding into her, “This is going to be hard and fast.”

She thought she would die from the exquisite combination of burn and stretch. “Yes, yes… ” Marlena felt deliciously constricted as his weight leaned into her, holding her firmly against the wall. Without preamble, his hips started pumping furiously. Every stroke pulled, and rubbed at her clit. She cried out, “John!”  

“Shhhh, baby,” he whispered. “We’ve got to be quiet.”

“I can’t,” she moaned as he pulled out and thrust back into her.

He kissed her, mumbling against her lips, “I love you, Doc. G-d, I love you so much.”

“John! Oh… I’m coming! I’m coming!” she said as her forehead fell forward onto his shoulder, and her fingernails dug into the skin of his neck, pulling him closer. Her body took over, shaking against him as her pussy squeezed and rolled along his length. 

He was lost. The feel of her orgasming body pinned beneath him was his undoing. “Fuck! Me too, baby, me too… ” He pushed in one last time as deep as he could go, and held himself there with a grunt. He was so overcome with sensation his legs almost collapsed beneath him.

They both held each other for a few moments, breathing heavily and enjoying their closeness. When John finally pulled out, and slowly lowered her leg to the floor, Marlena almost collapsed. Lifting her in his arms he carried her to his cot. After fixing his clothes, he knelt before her, righting her bra before he started buttoning her blouse back up. Marlena touched his face gently, brushing her hand over his mouth in a gesture so familiar to him it made his heart ache with love for her, and she told him, “I love you. You are my heart. My whole heart.”

He leaned forward, balancing himself on her knees, and kissed her softly. “I love you.”

She smiled, and then said, “Now where are my panties?”

John stood up, and picked them up from the floor. Slipping them into his pocket, he told her with a sly grin, “I think I’m keeping them.”

Her eyes went wide, as she watched him slide them into his pocket. It was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen him do.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Something in the way she knows

And all I have to do is think of her

Something in the things she shows me

I don’t want to leave her now, you know I believe in how

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Something (from the musical Across the Universe) – Jim Sturgiss

Chapter 14 – Stand By Me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we’ll see

No, I won’t be afraid

Oh, I won’t be afraid

Just as long as you stand, stand by me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mickey  closed the file in his hands and stared down at Tony’s name written on the outside. He didn’t understand any of it. He wasn’t a doctor, he was a lawyer. Marlena was the one he expected to understand it all. After a conversation with Dr. Marvin, he knew enough to know that Tony’s diagnosis was terminal. Dr. Marvin had been very clear about that. He’d told Mickey the story of how he and his assistant had tracked Tony down at the Hospital Charity Lunch Auction. After routine blood testing, following Tony’s blood donation, his illness was discovered. Tony’s reaction to his terminal diagnosis was in the normal range. He denied being ill, and demanded that Dr. Marvin run the tests again. Which he did, but the prognosis was the same.

Mickey knew, based on Dr. Marvin’s assessment, that Tony would have eventually died from the blood disease he had, and Tony was aware of it. He knew he was going to die. Marlena would have a better understanding of the specifics, but based on what Dr. Marvin told him, Micky understood that Tony’s fatal diagnosis, and the pain he would suffer from it, would be cause enough to potentially lead him to commit suicide. That, combined with the evidence they’d discovered at the crime scene, was enough to cast doubt on John’s guilt, but was it enough to convince the immovable Judge Walker? The man had been the acting judge in the area for over thirty years – an area ripe with DiMera history. Mickey had a sneaking suspicion that Judge Andrew Walker was working for someone else, and it wasn’t the people who elected him. 

Over the intercom the captain said in a staticky voice, “Mr. Horton, the plane will be landing in approximately 20 minutes, we are just beginning our descent now.”

The lone flight attendant came, and took his empty wine glass. Mickey thanked him, and then he slid the file into his briefcase before glancing out the window. Being able to use Victor’s plane had been convenient. He’d never traveled so well in his life. “Hopefully,” he said to himself, “that file will hold some of the answers we need.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So darling, darling, stand by me

Oh, stand by me

Oh, stand

Stand by me, stand by me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I don’t understand why you won’t approve a search warrant!” Abe fumed while staring across the large wooden desk at Judge Walker. “We have sufficient reason to search the home further. Especially the room Tony DiMera was staying in!” Judge Walker’s resistance was highly suspect in Abe’s mind. Marlena mentioning that Stefano had his memory back made it even more suspicious. That meant that Stefano could potentially be up to his previous machinations, and if that were the case, Judge Walker was already tainted.

“I disagree,” Judge Walker told him calmly. He had already been threatened by Stefano so many times he could recite them by heart. He’d been living under Stefano’s thumb for the last thirty years. Everything he had was because of the DiMera family – his home, his cars, his childrens ivy league educations. He only had one option and that was to try and hold off Abe Carver and Mickey Horton. It was getting harder and harder to do without valid reasoning. “You’ve not given me any reason to believe that there may be additional evidence. All you’ve provided me with is hearsay.”

“Hearsay! Are you serious? A respected doctor overhears an incriminating conversation, and you call that hearsay? Marlena Evans overheard the conversation between Stefano DiMera and Celeste Perault in which it was clearly stated that Stefano had Tony’s diary in his possession, which outlined his plan to end his own life and frame John Black! She heard him say he’s withholding it!” Abe roared. “It’s not hearsay! She was there! There is evidence in that house that would prove John’s innocence!”

Judge Walker sighed. He would need to keep the information about Dr. Evans overhearing the incriminating conversation to himself. If Stefano found out that his amnesia had been realized to be fake, who knows how he would react. It was very likely that Dr. Evans would become his next target. “I’m not granting the search warrant, Commander Carver. That’s the end of it,” Judge Walker told him firmly. “You’ll have to let it go.”

Abe stared at him for a moment, and then leaned forward, placing his palms firmly on the heavy wooden desk. “Here’s the thing, Judge Walker, now that we know that Stefano is faking his amnesia, we can’t be certain that he’s not blackmailing or bribing you. Now can we? And the thing is, the decisions that you’re making are starting to look highly suspicious. I’ll be back, and I’ll have more evidence. You can’t continue to ignore that. Otherwise, there will be an inquiry.”

He stared with his eyes wide as Abe stormed out of his office. Rubbing his hands over his face, he knew what Abe said was true. Stefano could end his career, or he could end his own career if he continued to follow Stefano’s lead. Maybe it wasn’t even his career at all, since he’d stolen it years before it in an election rigged by Stefano himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If the sky that we look upon

Should tumble and fall

Or the mountain should crumble to the sea

I won’t cry, I won’t cry

No, I won’t shed a tear

Just as long as you stand, stand by me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena sat beside John on the cot in his cell with his hand gripping her thigh as if he worried she would disappear. John’s anxiety was high, and the closer it got to his trial starting the more he seemed to be struggling emotionally. She tried to be supportive, but she could tell he was holding back with her. He was scared. Not just for himself, but for her, and the children. The cellar he was being housed in reminded him so much of Maison Blanche that it was having obvious negative impacts to his mental health. Deputy Cox told her that John was having nightmares, and she had seen he was skipping meals. A man couldn’t survive on coffee. 

Micky sat across from them with a pen and paper, furiously scribbling as Marlena discussed the notes from Dr. Marvin that were in Tony’s medical records. Her voice was calm as she read over it. “He had acute myelofibrosis. It’s a blood disorder, a chronic form of leukemia. That’s a terminal diagnosis. He was going to die… it would have been slow, not an immediate death, but still death.”

“He hated me that much?” John whispered mostly to himself. He lifted his hand from her leg, and moved his elbows onto his knees, allowing his head to fall forward and rest in his hands. The overwhelm was taking over his mind. He needed to be out of the cellar, and sleeping in Marlena’s arms at night. That is where he would find his peace, but Peter Blake was going to make sure that didn’t happen. Now that they knew Stefano had his memory back, John wasn’t certain that Stefano wasn’t the one pulling the strings now.

“It causes fatigue, muscle weakness, and severe anemia,” Marlena continued slowly, trying to pull up her medical knowledge. She could picture the medical book she’d read it from in her mind. Roman never understood how she could recall things so easily, but Marlena’s mind was full of images and information that she could recall on a whim. “He would have gotten progressively more, and more ill, until he died from the disease… deciding to end his own life, rather than suffer, well… it’s not out of the realm of possibility. Many terminal patients decide to end their lives on their terms, but–”

” –is it enough though?” John asked her. He glanced at Mickey with anguished eyes, “Is it enough to establish doubt about my guilt?”

Abe entered the basement and saw the three of them gathered in John’s cell. He wasn’t expecting an audience when he told John the news, but it was probably better to have them all gathered there. “Paul told me you were all here,” Abe started, “and we’ve got a problem. Judge Walker won’t issue a search warrant for the Blake House. He’s refusing on the basis that Marlena’s statement is hearsay.”

“Hearsay?” Micky asked him incredulously. “She’s a witness! She heard the argument between Stefano and Celeste.”

“Marlena’s right on this one, Mickey. If Stefano’s faking his amnesia, I’m almost certain that he has already gotten to Judge Walker,” Abe finished reluctantly. “There can’t be any other reason to deny our request for a search warrant. Especially after all of the circumstantial evidence we found at the crime scene which clearly indicates that Tony probably ended his own life. Judge Walker is either being bribed… or threatened.”

“I studied Judge Walker’s face during John’s pre-trial hearing, and at times he seemed sympathetic to John. I’m inclined to believe he’s being threatened,” Marlena said quietly. “If Stefano has threatened Judge Walker’s life, or the life of his family then there is nothing we can do.”

“Well, how do we prove that? I mean this is getting deeper than what we can manage. If Stefano is controlling Judge Walker… what about the local sheriff?” John said, standing up in frustration. He pounded his fist against the “We’re going to need help, because Stefano has access to more resources than we could ever hope for, and I’ve already waved my chance for a jury trial.”

“What about the ISA?” Abe said softly, as all eyes turned towards him. He knew what John thought of the ISA, but Shane Donovan was the director now, so he was hoping he might react differently. He didn’t.

“The ISA? Abe! They’re as corrupt as Stefano!” John said in exasperation. He started pacing his cell because he was no longer able to stand still. “We can’t trust them!”

Marlena stood up, going to him. John stopped and stared down at where her gentle hand applied soft pressure to his chest. “But, we can trust Shane,” Marlena said slowly. “We know we can trust him. He’s as close as family, and at this point… John, we don’t have a choice.”

He placed his hand over hers, and stared down into the depths of her hazel eyes. She was right, and he knew it, but it scared the hell out of him. Working with the ISA was the last thing he wanted. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And darling, darling, stand by me

Oh, stand by me

Whoa, stand now

Stand by me, stand by me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Later, after Abe and Mickey left, Marlena sat tucked into John’s side on his cot with her legs curled up beside her. Her fingers were laced through his because she couldn’t bear to not be touching him in some way. She only had a limited amount of time with him. Peter had cut visiting time to end at 8:00 pm, and she knew it was intended to further isolate John since he’d essentially broken things off with Kristen. Peter was unhappy with John having late visits, and in some cases overnight. Her head laid against his shoulder, and she said quietly, “Sara mentioned that there was a woman here to see you earlier. I assumed it was Kristen.”

“She was here,” he said quietly. “She was begging me to give her another chance. To try again. She kept saying she loved me. I sent her away.” He sat up straighter so he could look into her eyes. He released her hand so that he could gently graze his fingers over her chin. “You never doubted me, Doc. Not once.”

“Not once,” she repeated.

John sighed in frustration, and then cupped her neck while he buried his face in her hair briefly. He whispered, “There has gotta be somebody out there that can help me, Doc. There’s gotta be someone out there who can come up with the evidence that I need to clear myself.”

Marlena started to cry softly. She felt so helpless as she wrapped her arms around John’s neck, while pulling him closer. The thought of losing him was too much, and she felt so much more emotional lately. She knew it was because now that they’d found each other again the idea of not having him in her life was devastating. 

Pulling back slightly, he whispered, “Hey. No tears. Come on, come on…” John reached up to run the pads of his thumbs over her cheeks, and gently remove her tears.

“I believe so incredibly in your innocence, it never occurred to me that you’d be found guilty, but it happens all the time, doesn’t it?” she said, crying softly.

“I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have you as my best friend, my lover… and my wife,” John said against her lips, before kissing her softly.

“I will always be here for you,” she told him, threading her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. “Always. Always.”

“I know that,” he replied between kisses. Her lips underneath his were so welcoming and soft. “In the deepest parts of my heart, I know that.”

Marlena softly moaned into John’s mouth, and he couldn’t stop his body from responding to her. Her soft sounds called to something primal inside him. He pulled back, wiping at her tears again. 

The sound of footsteps on the wooden staircase leading down to the cellar had them pulling away from each other. Marlena straightened her legs out, and wiped at her tears quickly, while John scooted away from her, whispering, “We’ll finish this conversation later.”

Their tension drained away when they realized it was Mickey followed by Deputy Helms. Mickey had a huge smile on his face, and he started talking almost immediately, “Marlena, you’re still here! I’m glad. You were right… a little pressure goes a long way.” He waved a paper in the air, “It’s official, you’ve made bail.”

“How?” Marlena asked excitedly, standing up quickly.

“I threatened an investigation,” Mickey said. “I threatened to have the state justice department come and oversee everything, including Judge Walker’s reports on this case so far… I may have also mentioned my suspicion of his potential ties to the DiMera family.”

John still sat on his cot, unable to move. He was getting out of the cellar. He was in shock. He’d thought that Peter was going to keep him there indefinitely. Slowly he looked up at Marlena. She stood in front of him, with her hand out, and she whispered, “Let’s go see the children.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Darling, darling, stand by me

Oh, stand by me

Oh, stand now

Stand by me, stand by me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The children had been asleep for a couple hours, and Sami had closed the door to the sitting room nearly thirty minutes before. Marlena curled into John, whispering, “I’m so happy to have you here beside me.”

“You seemed so tired tonight.” He ran his palm over her shoulder, entranced by the softness of her skin. “As if you haven’t been getting enough sleep.”

“I know. It’s odd, because I have. It’s probably stress. I’ve been getting headaches as well.” Her hand stoked over John’s bare chest, and she sighed softly at the feel of his chest hair under her fingers. “I’ve been so worried about you–”

“ –hey, Doc, you can’t run yourself into the ground worrying about me. It was hard for you to be the sole source of strength for this family while I was locked in that cellar, but I’m here now. With you.” The fragrance of her freshly washed hair filled his lungs when he kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be here until Peter finds a way to put me back in jail, but I think Mickey might have that in hand.”

She yawned, feeling a fatigue that was bone deep. Smiling at him, she ran her fingers across his forehead, wanting to touch him as much as she could. “You’re here now.” Her leg slid up, and her thigh came to rest over his.

John could feel the heat of her center against him through the flannel of his pajama bottoms. He wanted her so badly, but her fatigue was obvious. He held back his urge to push his lengthening cock against her. With a soft sigh, he kissed the top of her head again, while pulling her closer, and he whispered, “Get some sleep, Doc.”

Her hips pushed against him. The ache inside her was growing. “I want you… but I’m so tired.”

She felt so fucking good. He groaned softly, “I want you too, baby. I always want you… but you need to rest, and I’m content just having you in my arms. Just let me hold you. We can talk for awhile, and then you can get some well deserved rest.”

Marlena was quiet for such a long time that John thought she had fallen asleep, but then she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Doc you have nothing to be sorry for,” he told her.

“But, I do. I do, and I regret it every single day. I should have told Roman. About the affair… about everything.” She took a deep breath, “I was scared, and I thought that keeping my family together was important, but ultimately it ended up hurting everyone anyway. I chose Roman over you, and that was a mistake.”

It was several beats before he spoke. “I understand why.”

Marlena knew her tears were falling onto John’s chest, and she rolled towards him, lifting herself up on her elbow to look down at him. She could see the pain in his eyes, even though he wasn’t saying anything about that. “But it hurt you… and I never, never… I never wanted to hurt you.”

“It hurt you too–”

She touched his jaw carefully, “Yes, it hurt me, but that was my choice, John. Hurting you was never what I wanted. I made you feel like you were an afterthought, but the truth is… you were my only thought. I dreamt of you every night. I thought of you when I should have been working, I would fantasize about you in my office, and even as my marriage fell apart… I knew it was because no amount of reassurance on my part would convince Roman that I loved him, because he could see it in my eyes. I was lying to him. He could hear me call out for you in the night, and I think he knew that when he made love to me… I was thinking of you. John, Roman and I were falling apart before our affair.”

She was thinking of him when Roman made love to her? Something about knowing that caused his body to tingle. She was his, even when he’d thought she wasn’t. “You said something the night we were married,” he said softly, staring up into her hazel eyes. “You said that I was the only one you’d been with since our night together at Titan.”

Marlena smiled, and then leaned down to kiss him softly. John making love to her on the conference room table was a memory she would often think of as she touched herself in the darkness of her own bedroom. His strong hands tugging her panties down her long legs. The frenzy in his movements as he pushed her voluminous dress up, and the way he’d stared down at her sex bared to his eyes. It was one of the most erotic nights of her life. “I was conflicted about my feelings for you, and whenever Roman made advances I would come up with excuses to avoid it. I kept telling myself I just needed time to process what had happened between us, and then, well, with Roman’s work schedule… plus, he was never very attracted to me when my pregnancy started showing with the twins either, so… it just never happened.”

John’s eyes widened slightly, as he thought about Marlena when she was pregnant with Belle. He could remember clearly what she looked like at her baby shower, all rounded curves and glowing skin. He’d fought an internal battle with himself the whole time. He’d been desperate to touch her, desperate to say something that would let her know how he was feeling. He used to imagine what she would look like nude, standing in the moonlight, full and radiant with their child. “At your baby shower, Doc, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I knew, I shouldn’t say anything, but…”

Marlena glanced over to see John wandering through the room. Jokingly she said to Sami, “Excuse me for one second. We have an interloper. I’ll be right back. We have to open these presents.”

Approaching John, she couldn’t help but admire the way his jeans hugged his frame. She knew his blue shirt would match his eyes. Running her palm up his back, she said to him affectionately, “Hey you. You’re crashing the shower. What are you doing here?”

He laughed awkwardly, “I, uh, getting all wet I think.”

Marlena laughed. She missed his dry humour so much. When he sat down his cup, and turned to face her, she had to school her features into something casual, even though he took her breath away. She was right. His shirt matched his eyes. It was the most amazing shade of indigo blue and anytime she saw it, she would immediately think of him.

“I came over to take care of some Horton Center business,” he replied. Leaning closer, he whispered, “I didn’t have any idea this was going on–”

“ –I didn’t either. The girls completely surprised me.” She had flutters in her abdomen, and she was certain they weren’t caused by the baby. She hadn’t been this close to John in months. He smelled amazing, and his mouth… G-d how she wanted to lick along the seam of his lips.

John stared at her for a moment as if he were in awe, and had no idea what to say. Finally, he managed to get out, “Yeah, well, I’ll just, um, take care of my business, and I’ll stay out of your way.” 

The way he said it was casual, but Marlena could feel the sadness underneath it. Her hand went to her rounded abdomen without thinking, rubbing over the child within. John’s eyes darted down, and then back to hers with sadness. The baby could have been his. A part of her was ashamed to admit that in the darkness of her bedroom while Roman had slept beside her, she’d wished it had been. It would have made her decisions so much easier. She might have been with John instead of Roman. She immediately felt the guilt lay over her like a blanket. 

“Okay,” she said softly, turning to walk away. She couldn’t continue to stand there. Sami was watching her, and her natural instincts with John would have one or the other reaching out soon enough.

From behind her, she heard him say quietly, “Hey, Doc?”

She turned with a smile pasted on her face, but inside she already knew he was going to say something that would have her reflecting on his words for the rest of the day. Distractedly, she said, “Uh, huh?”

His eyes scanned over her body slowly. “This pregnancy… it really agrees with you. You’re beautiful.”

For a brief moment, all of the emotions she felt for him were written all over her face. Anyone watching them would know it, and she could feel Sami’s eyes on her. She knew that John saw it as well, and he recognized it for what it was. Love. His eyes scanned over her again, and she could feel the warmth starting along her chest as it made its way to her neck. She felt an ache start between her legs. He wanted her, and she hadn’t been touched in so long. Her eyes blinked as she tried to maintain control of herself, keeping her features smooth. “Thank you,” she whispered, still stuck in his gaze.

John gave her one last quick nod, and then he was gone, leaving her standing in a crowded room full of noise, and feeling like the loneliest person in the world.

“You said I was beautiful,” Marlena told him quietly. “And I hadn’t felt beautiful in months, but that day… I felt sexy, and attractive.”

“When you were pregnant with Belle,” he slid his hand up into her hair, “you were as beautiful as I’ve ever seen you. Your hips rounded, and your breasts… fuck, Doc, you’re breasts were amazing. I would imagine making love to you like that, and then I would be overwhelmed with guilt. Now I’m free to touch this body.”

She allowed him to pull her closer, moaning, “John…”

“I almost ran from Alice’s house that day,” he groaned. “And to know that Belle is my child, and that Roman never… fuck, baby, I don’t think you know what that means to me.”

If he’d always loved her this much, why had he never told her? “Why did you ask me to marry you?”

John kissed her lips softly, and whispered against her mouth, “Because I was in love with you… that had never changed, and I was fooling myself with Kristen. The whole time I was supposed to be in a relationship with her, I was worried about you. You consumed my every thought. During the possession… sure the devil played with my mind, but the attraction and the love, that was real. I wanted you. After it was over, I told myself that it wasn’t real. I tried to convince myself that I’d been manipulated, but then… Doc when you decided to help Stefano, I was consumed with you. Absolutely fucking consumed with you.”

“But you didn’t tell me,” she whispered.

John was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “You didn’t tell me either, but Abe did.”

“Abe? Abe told you that I loved you?” she asked.

“In a roundabout way. I’d been worried about my love hurting you. The ramifications of our affair were long and deep, Doc. Everything that came after it was nothing but pain for you, and the children–”

“ –that’s not true–”

“ – it is, and I saw myself as the antecedent for all of it.” John turned, rolling to his side to allow her to lay next to him. “Everything was my fault – your divorce, Sami’s estrangement, Maison Blanche, Roman leaving, your possession, and even your guilt over what had happened to Stefano. I blamed myself for all of it, and I thought that my love could only hurt you, but Abe was the one who forced me to see reason. He said that maybe without my love, I was hurting you more. He said that you’d chosen to be alone for two years, and it wasn’t as if men hadn’t been interested.”

Marlena looked away. Men had been interested, and every single advance had been rebuffed by her, because there was no one for her but John. 

“I spent hours thinking about what he’d said, Doc. The mere idea of another man touching you… kissing you. It sparked a rage inside of me. I’d taken it for granted that you were alone. I’d never even considered it, and I realized after Abe left me that day how fucking selfish I’d been.” His palm slid along her waist, and over the curve of her hip. She felt like heaven underneath his hand. Leaning forward, he kissed her shoulder tenderly, “You’re a very sensual woman, and you enjoy making love… so why were you alone? I found myself wondering if it was possible that you cared for me as much as I cared for you? Abe had hinted that you were alone by your own choice. I couldn’t stop thinking about our kisses that morning in my cell. I wondered if perhaps they meant more to you than simply offering me comfort.”

“That’s why you asked me if I felt something more,” she whispered. She could recall that afternoon clearly. It was the first time she’d felt that maybe there was more between than she had previously realized. She had always been certain about her love for John. What she found surprising was that he possibly cared for her more than he had let on.

He leaned closer, whispering, “Are you sure?”

Marlena’s breath caught in her chest. “Of course we’re friends,” she said softly.

“Just friends?” he asked her intently. “Or more than friends?”

Marlena drifted closer, pulled in by the deep richness of his voice, and the question in his eyes. She wasn’t sure what to say. More than friends? Fear loomed large inside her. It gripped her heart. It was a vice on her chest. Could she admit that?

Softly he said, “Last night–

” – we were comforting each other,” she whispered quickly, leaning even closer. She could feel the cool metal against her cheek as she stared up at him, begging him to know the truth without her having to say it aloud.

John was studying her as if he were searching for something. But what? He asked her, “Is that all?”

She couldn’t admit it. Her love for him was so solid, so concrete. There would never be anyone else. Her words faltered, “I don’t – I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what you’re asking me.”

He drifted closer, his lips brushing hers, “I want to kiss you, again.”

“Okay,” she said in a shaky voice.

“That’s why I asked you to marry me,” he murmured against her mouth. Her breath was soft and moist against his lips. “I want to kiss you again.”

Marlena licked over her lips, anticipating the taste of him, as she whispered back, “Okay.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Whenever you’re in trouble, won’t you stand by me?

Oh, stand by me

Whoa, just stand now

Oh, stand

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Stand By Me – Ben E. King

Chapter 15 – Slow Down

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Here’s to you

You were pink or blue

Everything I wanted

Here’s to you

Never sleeping through

From midnight ‘til the morning

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami, 17 mos.

Roman exited the kitchen to find Marlena waiting for him with a child in her arms. He stopped short, unsure of what to do or how to react. She smiled at him, “This is your daughter.”

His daughter. It felt so odd to hear Marlena say it aloud, and yet every instinct he had screamed for him to reach for her, and hold her precious little body against his chest. 

“She was awake,” she said softly. “I thought you would want to meet her.”

The girl in Marlena’s arms had the finest strawberry blonde hair, and a cupid’s bow mouth. She stared up at him with wide eyes trying to process who he was. Softly he whispered, “Hey,” as he stepped closer. “Hey, kiddo.”

Marlena couldn’t stop the small gasp of happiness she had watching him take so easily to their daughter. Where everything else had seemed like such a struggle for him, he lifted Sami against him as if it were instinct. A father’s natural response to seeing his child. Resting her against his chest, he said quietly, so he didn’t scare her, “Hey, sweetheart. Say hi to Dad.”

Sami held her bottle firmly in her hands, and tipped her head back to stare up at the man holding her. Marlena was surprised that she didn’t cry or fuss. She usually did with strangers, and yet, Roman wasn’t a stranger. Not really.

He said, “I have to learn how to do this,” as Sami started to squirm in his arms. “It’s all right. In a little bit of time, I’ll get used to it.” He wanted to be used to it immediately. He tipped his face down to her hair and took a deep breath. She smelled like soap, and baby powder. Lifting his eyes he found Marlena watching him. “She’s our baby?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

“Our baby,” Marlena told him, reaching out to rest her hand on his arm gently. Sami laid her head on his chest with a sigh, and continued to suck on her bottle. “You know, she usually doesn’t take to people so easily.”

“I’m her Dad. Maybe that means she recognizes me?” he asked, still staring at the small child in his arms. His little girl. His daughter. She looked up at him and smiled with the nipple still in her mouth, and he couldn’t help grinning back. His heart had never been so full. 

Marlena ran her fingers over Sami’s head gently. “Babies just make you forget your problems, don’t they?”

Reaching out, he touched her face tenderly, pushing her hair back as his hand cupped her neck. “You’re not so bad at that yourself.”

Marlena let out another small gasp when his thumb traced over her bottom lip. The connection she had with him felt so much stronger than it had previously. She assumed it was because of everything they’d gone through together. She leaned into his touch, anticipating their time together later. 

Roman handed Sami back to Marlena, and then stroked his fingers over her hair. Marlena whispered, “Eric is sound asleep. I should probably put her back to bed.”

He continued to stare at Sami in awe, running the tip of his finger around the outside of her tiny ear. She was a miracle. His miracle. He looked at Marlena. Sami was their miracle. In a voice choked with emotion, he said, “Yeah.”

“Do you want to carry her up?” she asked him.

“Yeah,” he replied, taking Sami back in his arms. He wished he had more eloquent words. A way to fully express the feelings that had filled his heart. Sami’s head fell back, and she stared at him again. “Hey, daughter.” Her weight was so slight, and he found himself a little fearful as he started to walk towards the stairs with her. She seemed so fragile, and yet Marlena was so confident that he had everything under control. He wasn’t sure that he did.

“You can put out the light,” she said quietly. “We won’t be coming back downstairs tonight.”

Roman’s heart rate picked up, and he smiled at Marlena shyly. They were going to bed. He lifted Sami, taking her hand in his, and he used her fingers to turn off the light. “There ya go, kid.” Marlena started up the stairs, and he followed wordlessly behind her with his child in his arms.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Had to crawl before you walked, before you ran

Before I knew it

You were trying to free your fingers from my hand

Because you could do it on your own now

Somehow

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Does this dress look nice enough, Mom?” Sami said, exiting the bathroom after her shower. She was extremely nervous, and she had already vomited twice that morning. She’d met Kate before, since she and Lucas were best friends, but this was wholly different. She was about to announce to Lucas and Kate that he was going to be a father – making Kate a grandmother. At seventeen, and eighteen, respectively, this news might not go over well at all, but Sami loved her baby. Nothing would ever change that. She was young, she was unprepared, but the love she felt for the life growing within her womb was all encompassing.

Her hand smoothed over the pink poplin dress, and she could already feel the changes in her body. Her breasts were tender, and slightly larger. Her abdomen had a soft roundness to it that hadn’t been there before. Smells assaulted her senses constantly, and the smell of fish was nauseating. The changes were happening faster than she was prepared for, but none of it mattered. She was about to be a mother.

Marlena walked over to her daughter, standing behind her as she slowly caressed her abdomen. She wrapped her arms around her daughter, pulling her close, “You look beautiful, Samantha Gene.”

Sami’s eyes met hers in the full length mirror, and she asked her, “You’re not just saying that because you’re my Mom? It’s not some kind of prerequisite is it?”

Marlena chuckled, and kissed Sami on her cheek, “No. I’m saying it because it’s true. You look very pretty.”

Sami glanced around, “Where’s Poppy-I-I mean, John.”

“He took Brady and Belle to be with Maggie for the afternoon. He was hoping to be with us when Kate and Lucas arrive. If you’re okay with that. He still thinks of you as his daughter,” Marlena told her, pushing a stand of hair behind Sami’s ear. “He would like to be there to support you. Kate can be… unpredictable.”

“I don’t think she likes me very much.”

“Kate’s always been overprotective of Lucas. Her experiences when Austin and Billie were young… well, they changed her. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.” Marlena was quiet for a moment, and then she asked, “Are you okay with John being there?”

Sami looked down at the floor, and whispered, “I still think of him as my Dad all the time. I can’t stop myself.”

“Sami, that’s natural. We haven’t told people that John and I got married for many reasons, but he is your stepfather now, and he’s considered himself to be your father since he met you at a year and a half old. John will always, always, want to be a father to you,” Marlena told her.

“It’s so confusing sometimes. The anger, and the fear inside me… they all – they get mixed up, and I don’t know how to act. The emotions swirl around and I can’t understand who I’m really angry with. You know? I don’t know how I’m supposed to act. Dad left. He wasn’t even here for five years, and he just left. He left when I needed him the most… because you and John had an affair. I was so angry, but after he was gone, I was even more angry,” Sami said looking up at her mother. “Because everyone leaves me. You left me, Diana left, John left, and I-I was angrier than ever when John left. He was all I knew, and he kissed me goodnight and walked out. I was so angry it made me hurt myself and binge eat and starve myself. I took it out on you, and I blamed it on your affair, but I was really mad at him. And then… the venerable Roman Brady. I needed him to stick around, you know? He came to Salem and upended my whole life in the name of being my father, and then he was gone… and I had to deal with Alan raping me… and all my anger, and rage was redirected at you and John… and Carrie… I’ve really hurt Carrie. I’ve hurt her so much, and all she tried to do was help me.”

Marlena stared at her daughter with empathetic eyes. Sami had never been so open and honest about her feelings related to Roman’s return, the affair, or Roman deciding to leave Salem. It was painful to hear, but Sami’s feelings were her own, and they were valid. “Always remember this Sami, before we feel anger, we feel something else. Whether the emotion is fear, or shame, or embarrassment… we feel another emotion first, then, and only then, do we feel anger. Most often, anger is a response of self-protection. I don’t blame you for your emotions, honey. We don’t control those, but we do control our response to our emotions.” Marlena cupped Sami’s face gently in her hands, and she said, “You felt abandoned. Over and over again, you felt like the people you loved the most in the world left you behind, and that was unfair to you. It was unfair that you had to feel that way. I’m sorry for hurting you. I apologize to you from the bottom of my heart. I never, never, never intended to hurt you, darling.”

Marlena had apologized before, but Sami hadn’t been ready to hear it. Her mothers words in that moment, eclipsed everything else. “I love you, Mom! I love you so much, and I’ve been so horrible… and now I’m pregnant and you and Poppy…” Sami paused for a second when she realized she had called John Poppy, again. It was Belle’s fault. John would forever be Poppy in her heart now. A new name for a new phase in her life. She paused, and decided she was tired of trying to do what people expected. Softly she said, “You and Poppy are being so supportive… when I don’t deserve it.”

“Love is not earned Sami. It’s freely given, and John and I have loved you for your whole life,” Marlena held Sami’s face in her hands. Sami referring to John as Poppy felt right. “Now our baby is going to have her own baby. We won’t let you do that alone. Your Poppy and I are here with you today… and always.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Slow down

Won’t you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it’s all too fast

Let’s make it last a little while

I pointed to the sky and now you wanna fly

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami, 3 years

Sami stood in front of her mother with a wide smile on her round face and her blue eyes shining. “We go ski!”

“Yes, my sweet darling girl,” Marlena said softly, adjusting the zipper on the front of Sami’s coat. “But first, we have to fly on a plane, and then drive up a mountain.” She wasn’t looking forward to the flight to Colorado, but she knew that Roman was very afraid for her safety. Orpheus was still after her. If going to Colorado would settle his mind, she had no problems with a family vacation. Sami and Eric had grown so much in her absence, and she would enjoy the time as a family. The twins were talking, and running. They had gone from babies to small little people, and it broke her heart that she had missed it all. Marlena reached for Sami’s hand, saying, “Come on, baby girl.”

“I’s a big giwl!” Sami yelled, pulling her small, pudgy hand away. She pointed at herself with indignant childlike rage, and said, “No baby! I’s a big giwl!”

Marlena knelt down in front of her daughter, seeing her through eyes that had to adjust to the changes she hadn’t been expecting. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes, and she reached out, softly stroking her fingers over Sami’s curved cheek. With a gentle smile, she said softly, “You are a big girl, and I’m so sorry I missed that. So sorry.”

Sami patted Marlena’s face with a sad look, “Mommy sad?”

Marlena wrapped Sami in her arms, holding her against her for a moment. She took a deep breath to ground herself. “Mommy is happy to be home with you. Very happy, and sometimes, darling, when people are very happy, they cry.”

“Are we ready to go?” Roman asked as he threw open the front door coming in from the frigid outside. “The cars packed.” He glanced around, “Where are Carrie and Eric?”

Marlena couldn’t help laughing as she stood up, “As soon as Eric was bundled up, he stated that he needed to go to the bathroom. I’m still amazed that they were both potty trained while I was gone.”

“Easy peasy,” he said. He leaned over his daughter, and kissed his wife. “Nothing to it, Doc. Just a little positive reinforcement–”

“ –Dad, you fed them cookies,” Carrie said with a groan. She came down the stairs holding Eric’s hand with a look of humour on her face. “Sami tried to pee so much, she’d sit on the toilet for twenty minutes.”

Marlena’s eyes went wide, and she laughed loudly. “Roman!”

He shrugged with laughing eyes, “What? It worked didn’t it?”

“I go potty! I’s a big giwl!” Sami yelled from near their knees. “Cookies!”

Roman snagged his daughter up in his arms with a huge grin, and swung her around as she squealed with glee. His bond with Sami had been there from the start, and that would always mean something to him. “You are my big girl! Aren’t you?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can somehow

Slow down

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena and Sami arrived downstairs to find John already seated at a small table with Kate and Lucas in a more quiet corner of the room. As soon as he saw them, John waved them over, and he noticed the way Lucas’s eyes lit up when they landed on Sami. John was hoping, hoping very strongly, that this was a sign that the conversation wouldn’t go south. Sami had her hair braided in a long plait that hung over her shoulder. She looked lovely, and he was struggling with reconciling her new, sudden path to adulthood with the little girl he had raised for years. His baby girl, his peanut.

Kate stood up with a wide smile, and reached out to embrace Marlena when she arrived at the table, “Marlena! How are you?”

“Things have been stressful, what with everything going on with John right now, but we’re handling it… as a family,” Marlena told her, settling into her chair. “I’m so glad that you came… and it’s nice to see you again, Lucas. How are you doing?”

He seemed startled that Marlena had spoken to him, and he blinked a few times before he could answer. He had been so entranced by Sami that he hadn’t even realized Marlena was speaking to him. Had Sami always been that pretty? Maybe it was because he hadn’t seen her in a few weeks. “I’m fine, Dr. Evans. I’m busy with school and my internship at Titan Publishing.”

“I was a little surprised you invited us here, honestly. Well, not surprised. Confused, I guess?” Kate said with barely concealed curiosity. “I was assuming that you and John would take time away from Titan while you were in Aremid. I want you to know, John… I believe in your innocence completely.”

“Thank you, Kate.” He gave her a small smile, “I appreciate that.”

“I know it seems odd that we asked you here,” Marlena said softly, “but we needed to discuss something, as it relates to Sami and Lucas, and I felt you coming here was the best way to do that. I didn’t mean to lie to you.”

Kate looked quickly from Lucas to Sami. She knew Lucas was half in love with Sami, even though he seemed unaware of it himself. His love for her was obvious from the way he spoke about her, and the amount of time they spent together. She had worried about it at first. Sami had been quite problematic over the last two years, but ultimately it had been Victor who’d calmed her down. Sami was raised by two people who loved her unconditionally. She would eventually find her way. Kate knew she needed to trust that. After all, hadn’t she gone through several rough years herself? She knew she was overprotective of Lucas. He was an adult. She needed to treat him as such and stop worrying. Lucas had insisted that Sami was his best friend, and when prompted by Kate, he denied anything more, but seeing them now… she wasn’t so sure. Lucas seemed to be riveted by the young woman sitting across from him.

Kate watched as Sami leaned over, and whisper something in her son’s ear. Lucas pulled back quickly, with a look of surprise, “Really?”

His heart started to pound in his chest, and he could hear his blood pulsing in his ears. A baby? Not what he was expecting to find out from coming to Aremid. He took a deep breath, and he could feel his mother’s eyes on him. Quickly his eyes flicked down to Sami’s abdomen, and he swore he could see it. Her dress was snug around her middle, and then, as he did the math in his head, he realized it was true. That unexpected connection they’d had in the basement of Carrie and Austin’s apartment building had created a life. Unexpected. Uncertain. But as he stared into the bluest eyes he’d ever seen on anyone, he knew that it was definitely not unwanted. Standing up quickly, his chair fell over with a clatter as he knelt before her. He reached out, trailing his fingers softly over her slightly rounded belly. “You’re sure?” he asked. Something inside him was so hopeful. He needed to be absolutely sure.

Sami looked scared, and she felt the tears stinging her eyes as she simply nodded her head, saying, “Yeah.”

Lucas reached for Sami’s hand, stroking his thumb over the top, while smiling at her with the biggest grin Kate had ever seen on him. He turned to look at his mother, saying softly, “We’re having a baby.”

“I think, I figured that out,” she said with a small smile. It wasn’t what she had wanted for him, and she was almost certain it wasn’t what Marlena had wanted for her daughter either. Kate had always considered herself the type of person to tackle problems head on. It was obvious from the way Lucas and Sami were behaving that the child was wanted. They would have to go from there. She turned to Marlena, and said, “So, what’s the plan?”

Lucas reached for his chair that had fallen, and pulled it over next to Sami. Kate considered that a fairly clear indicator of what his plan was.

Sami spoke instead. It was her life, and it was her baby. She could speak for herself. “I’m keeping the baby. My Mom and… Poppy are going to help me get my GED, so I can stay here in Aremid, while he proves he’s innocent. I have a lot of family to help me once the baby is born, and I still plan to attend college.” She looked at Lucas, and took a deep breath. She had rehearsed this before she fell asleep the night before, but still she shuddered slightly before she spoke again. She wasn’t feeling very brave. “I’d like for you to be involved… you’re going to be a Daddy, Lucas, and I’d like you to be around… if you want. I mean, you’re my best friend… my very best friend, but no matter what, I love this baby. It’s going to be hard. I’m kind of doing things in the wrong order, you know? But I think I can do it, and if you want… I think we can do it together.”

“Kate, I know we’re going to be grandparents much sooner than we expected, but one thing I can promise,” John said with conviction, “Sami will be an excellent mother. She’s just getting an earlier start than anyone planned for, and she needs everyone to rally around her, so she can be successful. With support she will be amazing.”

“When are you due?” Kate asked Sami. She was already trying to formulate a plan.

“Mom says, probably in June.” Sami looked at Lucas, and said, “We, um, we only did it once, and, um… I’m about three months right now, but I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon… if you want to come.” She wanted to smack herself for seeming so insecure, but maybe her mother was right. Emotions were natural, and her current situation was awkward. 

Lucas found himself feeling scared, but tentatively excited. He was going to be a father with Sami, and sure it was much earlier in his life than he had ever planned, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t happy. Reaching for Sami’s hand again, he thought he would like to hold her hand for the rest of his life. “I want to be there.” He glanced over at his mother, and then said firmly, “I’m going to be there.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Here’s to you

Every missing tooth

Every bedtime story

Here’s to Barbie cars

Light saber wars

Sleeping in on Sundays

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami, 13 years

Roman reached over to gently rub Sami’s knee as they drove home. They’d left her softball game early, and Sami was in the middle of a teenage hormonal breakdown. He’d been through it once before with Carrie, so he knew what to expect. Mostly. Sami was much more emotional than Carrie. Martha and Frank said she was very similar to her namesake – her Aunt Samantha. He really wished that Marlena was there to either confirm or deny that. “Are you okay with me helping you out with this Peanut, or should I call Isabella?”

“Oh, G-d! No, Dad! Don’t call her!” Sami cried, staring at him as if she couldn’t believe he’d suggested something so ridiculous.

He fumbled with what to say. “I just thought… well, since Carrie’s not here–”

“No!” Sami wiped at her face, trying to pull herself together and get rid of her tears. Starting your period for the first time during a softball game was not exactly a story for the ages. She’d bled through her uniform, and everyone had seen it. The last thing she wanted was to have Isabella in her business too. “I can’t believe this happened!”

“Look, we’ll get you home, and you can shower and change your clothes. We have pads under the sink. Carrie left some under there, and I can run to the store to get more if I need to,” he said.

“You? The hero of Salem? Commander Roman Brady is going to go to the drugstore, and buy me maxi pads?” Sami asked him with a watery grin.

“Hey,” he laughed. “I’ll have you know that I bought pads for your mother and for your sister. I’m an old hand.”

“And you don’t get embarrassed?” she asked him.

“No… well, not anymore,” he replied with an embarrassed grin. “Although the first time your mother sent me to the store, that was a mess.”

Sami couldn’t help her smile. She loved to hear stories about her mother, and recently, since Isabella had entered their lives, she felt like those stories were fewer and fewer. “What did you do, Dad?”

“Doc was making dinner, and Eric was sick. Carrie wasn’t old enough to go, so because she needed some pads, I said I would go. And I did. Let me tell you, Sami, I was so proud of myself.” He pulled into their driveway, and put the car in park. Turning to face his daughter he said, “I was so proud when I handed her the overnight, long, extra absorbent maxi pads. So proud of myself, and then Doc started laughing so hard she had to sit down.”

“Dad! You didn’t!” she laughed. She could only imagine how her mother had felt. “Dad those things are diapers!”

“That’s what she said!” John grinned at Sami, happy to see her smiling. “She said they were the size of diapers, and they were huge. She couldn’t wear them. So, with a note in hand, I went back to the drugstore to get the right ones. Even the girl at the register mumbled, I figured you’d be back.”

Sami slid out of the car, making sure that her jacket was firmly tied around her waist. As her father unlocked the house, she wrapped her arms around his waist. His arm looped around her as she whispered, “I love you, Daddy.”

Kissing the top of her blonde head, he replied, “I love you too, Peanut.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Had to crawl before you walked, before you ran

Before I knew it

You were teaching me the only thing love can

Hold hands through it

When it’s scary, you’ve got me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Brown wasn’t used to having an exam room quite so crowded. She was also surprised to see that one of the occupants was the infamous John Black. She wasn’t certain what she believed about the murder charges against him, but the evidence did seem damning. It wasn’t her job to figure that out though. Her job was the seventeen year girl on the exam table that they had just confirmed was pregnant. As far as Dr. Brown could tell, Sami’s parents were John Black and Dr. Marlena Evans. Then there was the father, Lucas Roberts, and his mother Kate. Definitely a full house, but while she might normally find so many eyes on her a bit disconcerting, the only emotion she was picking up from the large group was love and concern. She could work with that. The fact that Sami called John Black Poppy softened her heart a bit. How could you be scared of a man called Poppy?

She settled the wand on Sami’s rounded abdomen. Sami’s fundal height was significantly larger than it should be, and as she stared at the monitor in front of her she immediately knew why.

Marlena gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth causing everyone to turn and look at her. She stared at Dr. Brown with wide eyes as she asked, “Twins?”

Dr. Brown smiled, “Definitely twins.”

“Twins?” Lucas suddenly felt lightheaded. He grunted, a sound he didn’t even know he could make, as if he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. The room started to spin, and he reached for a metal instrument cart, then everything went black.

“Lucas!” Sami cried as he hit the floor with a loud clatter. For a moment everyone was frozen in shock. Kate stared at the two babies on the screen, and then down at her son slowly rousing on the floor as John worked to wake him up. Twins. She was about to be a grandmother.

“Would you like to know the sex?” Dr. Brown asked.

Sami was still in shock. This could not be happening. Two babies. She was seventeen years old, and she was about to have two babies. Barely above a whisper, she said, “Yes. Yes, I’d like to know.”

“Baby A is a boy… and Baby B is… another boy!” Dr. Brown smiled, asking, “Do twins run in the family?”

“I’m a twin. My sister was identical. Sami is also a twin. She has a brother.” Marlena couldn’t believe it. Twins had a bond that couldn’t be understood. She and her sister Samantha could almost read each other’s minds. Reaching for Sami’s hand, she whispered, “Are you ready for this?”

“No,” Sami whispered. “I’m not… but I will be.”

Lucas stared at Sami and thought she had to be the strongest person he knew, and he’d always considered his mother a strong woman. He was going to be a father to not one, but two babies in June. He reached for Sami’s other hand, and said, “We’ll get ready together.”

Dr. Brown continued to watch the monitor in front of her with a growing look of concern. Glancing towards Marlena she asked her, “Are you seeing the same thing I’m seeing?”

“They’re monochorionic?” Marlena asked her, feeling her anxiety start to increase. Sami’s pregnancy would need to be monitored closely.

“Mom!” Sami asked in a panicked voice. “What does that mean?”

“It means that they share an amniotic sac, as well as a placenta.” Marlena told her gently. “They need to be monitored for cord entanglement, and proper growth. That’s all, darling. It’s very rare.”

“How rare?” Lucas asked quickly. “Could they die?”

“Less than 1% of twin pregnancies are monochorionic,” Dr. Brown replied. “The complications are there, but with proper prenatal care, we can hopefully head off any serious concerns.”

Sami whispered, “So, they should be okay?”

Marlena smiled, “They should be okay… and we know they are identical.”

Lucas started to feel woozy again, and then he felt a strong hand on his arm. He looked up to see John staring down at him with a smile. “You okay, Lucas?”

“I’m okay,” he said. “I’m okay.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Slow down

Won’t you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it’s all too fast

Let’s make it last a little while

I pointed to the sky and now you wanna fly

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can somehow

Slow down

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Lexie and Hope have Belle and Brady, and you, my esteemed Dr. Evans, are going into our bedroom to rest.” John led her through the sitting room, and sat her down on the end of their bed. 

“I don’t know why I’m so tired,” she said with a yawn.

“I did wake you up in the middle of the night.” He kissed her mouth gently. “And while what happened after that was amazing, I blame myself for the fact that you are now exhausted.”

She gave him a sexy smile, and then threaded her fingers through his hair. They were alone for the first time in hours. “I don’t mind being tired if the price is right.”

“And what price might that be?” he asked her. Her fingernails scraped across his scalp, and pulled at his hair by tightening her fingers. John’s eyes closed, and he groaned softly. “If you don’t stop that, baby, you won’t be sleeping. Make a choice.”

“What time is your meeting with Abe, Mickey, Bo, and Shane?” she asked. She tipped her mouth close to his ear, allowing her warm breath to waft over his sensitive skin.

John allowed his head to fall to the side as she licked across his skin. A deep groan rumbled in his chest. “Doc…”

Biting his ear, she demanded, “When?”

He lifted his arm to glance at his watch, “I’ve got about twenty minutes.”

She stared down at him, her pupils wide with arousal, and she said in a husky voice, “I bet you could rock my world in twenty minutes, Sailor. I remember when we were married, during your lunch breaks in my office–”

“ –fuck, woman!” John stood up, and started unbuttoning his flannel shirt with shaking hands. He couldn’t get it off fast enough. His eyes were glued on Marlena as she gripped the hem of her sweater, pulling it over her head and tossing it to the floor. He reached for her, standing her up and jerking her nearly nude body against his. She whimpered softly, and he was lost. “Your skin against mine, baby, you feel so good.”

Marlena slid her palms up his bare chest, whispering, “Make love to your wife.”

John kissed her mouth, holding her head firmly. After biting at her lips a few times, he mumbled, “You are supposed to take a nap.”

“Oh,” she gasped, scraping her nails along the skin of his shoulders. “I sleep so much better after an orgasm.”

He pushed her back onto the bed, watching her scramble out of her jeans, as he unbuttoned his pants. She was such a tease, and he was there for it. Feeling his dominant side come out, he told her in a rough voice, “Bra and panties off, Doc. I’m about to make you scream.”

She smiled up at him, and replied breathlessly, “Oh, yes.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Please don’t roll your eyes at me

I know I’m embarrassing

But someday

You’ll understand

You’ll hold a little hand

Ask them if they can

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just before bed, Marlena exited the bathroom feeling slightly better, but not much. John had taken over the bedtime responsibilities because between her fatigue and nausea, she wasn’t going to be much help. “I think I have some sort of virus.”

“Mom, you don’t look so good,” Sami said. “Are you sure it’s just a virus?”

She’d already vomited three times, and she still felt squeamish. “I don’t feel good,” Marlena told her, repeating what she’d already said. “What else could it be? We all had the same thing for lunch, and I’m the only one sick. I really think it’s simply a virus. I’ve been getting headaches, and I’m tired. Don’t worry. This has been coming on for a few days. I just need a good night’s sleep, and lots of fluids.”

“Does Poppy think it’s a virus?” Sami asked her.

“What else would it be?” Marlena yawned, and then realized she needed to brush her teeth again. She turned to go back to the bathroom.

Sami said softly behind her, “Maybe you’re pregnant.”

“What?” The suggestion was laughable. Marlena smiled, “No. That’s not – no, I’ve already started menopause. I’m certain of that.”

“Mom, you’re a doctor. Can you get pregnant during menopause?” Sami waited for Marlena to process what she was saying. She seemed completely caught off guard.

“Well… yes. It’s possible, but it’s highly unlikely,” she said. Her mind flashed images of textbooks and other information, as she struggled to come to terms with what Sami was suggesting. She was 45. Her chances for conceiving naturally were so low, she hadn’t even considered it. She hadn’t had her cycle in almost six months when she and John got married. “Pregnant?”

Sami stared at her mother. She looked like she might pass out. Sami stepped closer, “Yeah, Mom. Pregnant… you know when you have a baby?” 

Marlena started laughing uncomfortably. Her chest felt tight, as if she couldn’t draw enough air into her body. “Samantha Gene! I am 45 years old! You’re seventeen years old… I’m too old to–”

” –Mom? You could be though, right?” Sami said with a grin. “I mean, it’s not impossible.”

“I’m just sick… it’s a stomach bug,” Marlena said with much less conviction, as she tried to remember the date of her last cycle. It was definitely about six months ago.

“I have a pregnancy test,” Sami said quickly. “I could go grab it from my bag. You could take it now. Poppy won’t even know, and if it’s negative we don’t have to say anything. Okay?”

“Oh, my G-d,” Marlena said sitting down on the end of her bed. Sore breasts. Fatigue. Nausea. Headaches. It couldn’t be, but maybe it was. She’d only be about six weeks in. She pushed a stray hair back from her forehead in frustration. “Okay” she said, submitting, as Sami ran into the adjoining room.

Sami brought the test back, and then glanced over her shoulder to check for John before she said, “That would be so cool if you were. Our babies could grow up together, and you would be a grandma, and a mom at the same time!”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena moaned out loud. She entered the restroom for the third time that evening with a growing sense of dread, and closed the door behind her. Mumbling to herself, she said, “It’s going to be negative. There’s no way… I haven’t bled in six months. Six months!”

Sami could hear her mother in the bathroom having a freak out, but that didn’t dim her excitement as she whispered through the door, “Our babies would be best friends, Mom! We could dress them alike, and people might even think they’re triplets!”

Sami looked up as John walked in holding Belle and Brady in each arm. “Hey Sami. Where’s your Mom? Time to say goodnight to the kiddos. They are bathed, and their teeth are brushed. Show your sister those clean teeth.”

Brady and Belle both smiled widely, and Sami couldn’t hold back her own grin. “Those teeth are pretty shiny.”

“Is your mom in the bathroom again?” he asked with concern.

Sami nodded her head, saying, “Yup. In the bathroom taking a pregnancy test.”

“Samantha Gene Brady!” Marlena yelled from the other side of the door. “You said you wouldn’t say anything!”

“Sorry, Mom, but he asked,” Sami responded with a laugh and a shrug, just as the bathroom door opened and Marlena walked out. The look on her face said everything. It was pure shock, as the pregnancy test dangled from her limp fingers.

“Doc?” John said, setting Belle and Brady down on the floor. His heart started racing as he approached her slowly. She was white as a sheet. “Doc?”

Marlena smiled at him sheepishly and said, “I guess I was wrong. We’re pregnant.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh-oh-oh-oh

‘Cause it’s all too fast

Oh-oh-oh-oh

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can

Somehow

Slow down

Slow down

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Slow Down – Nichole Nordeman

Chapter 16 – The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the endless skies

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The early morning sun streamed into the window, casting a beam of light across the room. Marlena rolled onto her side, and stared at the sleeping man beside her. As gently as she could, she traced her fingers gently over his peaceful face. John was beautiful, and her love for him made him even more so. Stretching her back out, she could feel the ache in her muscles, and she smiled to herself remembering what had caused them.

“Another baby?” John said in awe, dropping to his knees in front of Marlena, while placing his hands on her stomach. He stared up at her, but she continued to stand there with a dazed expression. She was coming to terms with what she’d learned. She was pregnant again when she’d fully believed her child bearing days were over. His arms wrapped around her waist, resting his cheek against her soft belly, as he whispered, “Hey there little one, it’s your Daddy.”

“Oh, my G-d! Mom, this is so cool!” Sami gushed.

Marlena blinked several times. She’d gone from thinking she had a stomach virus to being pregnant in under a half hour. Another baby. How were they going to continue to hide their marriage if she was pregnant? Peter was going to do everything in his power to place John back in jail. How was she going to handle everything by herself? She looked at Sami, asking quietly, “Do you mind putting Brady and Belle to bed? I think John and I need to talk.”

“Yeah, c’mon Tink, let’s go get you and Brady into bed,” Sami said, taking Belle’s hand. Glancing around the room, she asked, “Where did he go?”

Marlena started laughing, “Check under the bed.” Brady immediately started giggling and darted out, running into the other room.

Sami gave her mother a bewildered look, and said, “I’ll take care of this. You and Poppy need to talk.”

As Sami left the room, pulling the door shut behind her, Marlena’s smiling face started to quiver, and her eyes filled with tears. What were they going to do? She ran her fingers through his hair, and tried to take a deep breath but her chest shuddered. John looked up at his wife, then he sank to the floor, pulling her with him. Her legs straddled him, and he almost groaned. She was sexy even when she would say she was a mess. “Hey. Hey, Doc, baby, don’t cry.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against him. “I’m so scared. I’m forty five, and stressed with everything about your case. I know that stress isn’t good for the baby. This is the absolute worst timing, and-and–”

” –listen, pretty lady, we’ll figure this out, but I would never boo-hoo another baby with you,” John said, wiping the tears from her face, and kissing her lips sweetly. He held her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. “It’s okay to be scared. We can be scared together, but this baby, Doc… this baby is a gift from G-d, and we’ve gotta treat it as such. I never thought I’d get this chance with you, and a baby… well, a baby makes it all the sweeter.”

She gave him a small smile, “Really?”

“Really, really,” he told her.

“… I guess that explains why I’ve been so emotional lately, huh?” Marlena whispered. She was quiet for a moment, and then started laughing, saying, “I didn’t have sex for two years. I hadn’t had my period in six months, and you managed to get me pregnant right out of the gate.”

“That’s right, baby,” John said, as he kissed her neck gently. Nibbling on her ear, Marlena moaned softly, tipping her head to the side to give him incentive to take it further. “Even with Belle it only took us that one time.” He kissed her softly, and then trailed his finger across her exposed collarbone. “Are you naked under here?” 

She nodded, sighing gently when his finger dipped lower between her breasts. His hands on her started a slow burn of desire that was completely inappropriate given the situation. John stared into her eyes, silenting asking for permission as he slowly unfastened the belt on her robe. It fell open to her waist, and he moved to cup her breasts. He kneaded her flesh slowly, lifting them, and placing soft kisses over her fragrant skin.

“John…John, the kids…” Marlena moaned as she glanced towards the door that Sami had closed only moments before. She was trying to be as quiet as possible, but he tugged at her nipple with his teeth. “Oh, G-d!” she gasped.

“Sami wanted us to talk,” he whispered. “So let’s talk.”

“This is not—oh! …talking,” Marlena cried, but she quickly gave in, and began unbuttoning John’s plaid flannel shirt. She sighed as she spread it open and ran her palms over his chest, threading her fingers through the hair, and then raking her nails across his skin, making him groan softly.

“It’s so fast with you, Doc. I smell your skin, I taste you… and then my body is reacting. I need you,” he whispered, reaching down to unfasten his jeans. Marlena glanced towards the closed door to the sitting room again, debating if they could get away with what John was trying to do, even as he struggled to pull her robe from beneath her. His hands trembled, “Help me out here, baby.”

“John,” she whispered. “We can’t.” But still she allowed his hands to guide her, lifting her to her knees while he hastily unbuttoned his jeans, and pulled his engorged length free of his boxers. “Oh, G-d,” she moaned as soon as she felt him at her entrance. He slowly lowered her down on his throbbing cock. She could feel him stretching her, and she whimpered in need as her fingernails scratched at his chest. 

“I love you, Doc. I love you so fucking much…” he moaned into her mouth.

She couldn’t believe that they didn’t have the self control to wait until the children were asleep, but she wrapped her arms around his neck as she slowly raised her body up and down along his length, whispering in his ear, “You feel so good.”

John’s hands gripped her hips tightly, and she felt the sting from his nails that would leave her with bruises later. She knew that her excruciatingly slow pace would drive John crazy. Marlena rolled her hips against him over, and over again, feeling the delicious friction against her clit. The moment he couldn’t take the torture any longer, he lifted her body slightly, and then started pumping in and out of her at a furious pace. Marlena held him tightly burying her face in his neck, and said, “I love you, John. I love you so much.”

John came awake slowly, telling her in a rough voice, “I can feel you watching me.”

Tracing her finger along the red marks on his chest, she told him, “I was just remembering why every muscle in my body aches.”

“Those are nice memories.” His cock twitched beneath the blanket. He slid his hand along the soft skin of her hip, and he growled in low tones, “I want you again.”

Already her body craved him, but she wasn’t sure she had the energy. Her muscles ached from overuse. “I’m so sore.”

“Lay on your stomach,” he told her. John sat up in bed, and gripped his cock in his hand, pumping it several times as he watched her give him a sexy grin. Leaning near her ear, he told her, “Spread those sexy legs, and let me do all of the work.”

Marlena sighed softly, as he slid into her with one quick thrust. His chest rubbed along her spine, and her clit was pushed into the cotton sheets with every pass. John laced his fingers through hers, holding her in place, and he did exactly what he said he’d do. He did all of the work. When Marlena started to come, she bit the pillow beneath her head, and she trembled and shook beneath him. John bit her shoulder with a groan as he quaked above her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And the first time ever I kissed your mouth

I felt the earth move in my hand

Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

That was there at my command, my love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena, John, Abe, and Micky sat down with Shane Donovan later that afternoon to flesh out a plan to prove that Stefano was either bribing, or threatening Judge Walker. Shane had snuck into Aremid in disguise, and he was renting a room across town from an elderly woman. She was grateful for the lodger and was willing to stay quiet since Shane was paying her triple the rate she was asking. As they all say around her dining room table the tension was palpable. 

“The thing we need to do, and I can figure out the logistics of that, is bug the judge’s phone. I can’t get into Stefano’s place to bug his phone, but if your suspicions are correct Marlena, I won’t need to bug Stefano’s telephone, because I can catch him when he calls Judge Walker,” Shane said. “When Stefano’s arrogance gets the best of him, he gets a loose tongue. He’ll slip up.”

“Can you do that legally?” Micky asked. “Because there can be no cause for something to be thrown out later. John’s very life is at stake.”

“The ISA can get away with more than local law enforcement. I’ll be sure to have the proper clearance. And John, I’d like to reassure you, things at the ISA have gotten much better since Tarrington was removed. Much better, indeed,” Shane said seriously. “It took forever to weed out all the bloody agents that were as corrupt as he was… but I feel like we’re at least back to some semblance of respectability.”

“Thank you so much, Shane. You don’t know how much this means to me,” John told him. He glanced at Marlena, and then at the people around him. He considered them all friends. “Marlena’s pregnant. We just found out last night. Normally we would wait until the second trimester to say something, but Peter is already trying to find a way to get me back in jail. I need to know that Marlena is safe… and being cared for.”

Abe smiled, “Another baby?” Lexie would be thrilled. They’d been unable to have a child of their own, and she would adore any child Marlena and John had. She was already spending most of her days with Brady and Belle, while trying to be a friend to Sami.

Marlena couldn’t help smiling back. “Another baby. Due about three months after Sami’s twins.”

Shane’s eyes got wide, “Sami’s pregnant?” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And the first time ever I lay with you

I felt your heart so close to mine

And I knew our joy would fill the earth

And last till the end of time, my love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Less than a week later, their fear became reality. John sat in the courtroom, next to Mickey, with Marlena and Sami behind him, as he waited for the proceedings to start. Peter was trying to argue that John was a flight risk. He rolled his shoulders, willing the tension to leave his body to no avail. Kristen had attempted to speak with him when he first entered the courtroom. Her eyes had been filled with sadness, and her words had been apologetic, but he’d told her that he had nothing to say to her. Marlena had been close by, and that was all the support he needed. Their eyes had met, and he’d given her a smile. When he turned back to Kristen she was gone. She sat off to the side, occasionally trying to catch his eye, but his only focus right now was trying to stay out of jail, and stay with his family.

Judge Walker entered the courtroom, and sat, saying, “The purpose of this hearing is to determine whether or not to revoke the bail of John Black, who is charged with first degree murder in the death of Tony DiMera.” Turning to Peter, he said, “Mr. Blake, your arguments, please.”

“Your Honor, on his deathbed, Anthony DiMera told a room full of witnesses that John Black had shot him. Mr. Black was subsequently arrested, and denied bail. On Christmas Eve, council for the defense prevailed upon another judge to release Mr. Black from custody. Now, he did so when I was out of town, and unable to argue against that release. He was placed back in jail on your order, and yet now, he is out again with his lawyer arguing that the evidence is circumstantial. I’m here now on behalf of the people, as special prosecutor, and I am I requesting that Mr. Black’s bail be revoked and that he be remanded to custody,” Peter said, while walking around the courtroom arrogantly. “Your Honor, based on the evidence gathered so far, John Black came to Aremid with a gun, he shot Anthony DiMera with that gun, at point blank range, and in cold blood. Now, I submit to you, that if Mr. Black’s bail is not revoked, he will run from a sure and certain conviction he faces at trial… John Black will run for his life.”

John wanted to roll his eyes. He felt Marlena’s hand on his shoulder and he reached back touching her soft skin. Of course Peter’s argument would be that he was a flight risk. He had enough money to go anywhere he wanted.

“Thank you, Mr. Blake,” Judge Walker said, and then, looking at Mickey, “Mr. Horton…”

“John Black is a very wealthy man, Your Honor, but he did not leave Aremid when his bail appeal request was granted the first time, or the second time, because he wanted to stay here, and prove that he was innocent. Now, along with many others, I can testify to John Black’s character, his integrity, his kindness, his charity… I can testify to his deep religious faith, his love for his children, his family, and his friends. Your Honor,” Mickey said, facing John, “… he is not a man who runs from adversity, yet he is a man who will stand, and fight for what he believes is true, honest, and just. The prosecution has characterized John as a man with a devious mind, determined to run from prosecution… that characterization is not only unjust, it is absurd. Your Honor, John Black wants to focus his energy, and his efforts on discovering the true killer of Tony DiMera. We respectfully request that you grant him continuing freedom to do just that.”

“Thank you, Mr. Horton,” Judge Walker said. “Will you stand, Mr. Black?” John rose from his seat. He’d already mentally prepared himself to return to the basement cell in the pub. If Judge Walker was already in Stefano’s pocket, which they were fairly certain he was, then it would be the logical forgone conclusion. “I am very impressed by arguments on both sides. The risk that you will flee prosecution is small, but I am not prepared to take that risk. Bail is revoked. You will be remanded into custody immediately.”

“Poppy!” Sami cried, reaching for John.

He turned to face his daughter, and his wife with a look of sad resignation on his face. Sami hugged him tightly, crying, while Marlena threaded her fingers through his, and said softly, “We thought this might happen.”

“Doc, I knew this would happen,” he told her. “I was prepared, and I was at least able to get some more time with you and the kids. That’s what I wanted, but seeing the two of you in so much pain… I’m sorry, Doc.”

“I love you,” Marlena said, barely above a whisper. She couldn’t kiss him, or hold him. She couldn’t do any of the things she would do if it was known that she was his wife. She had to pretend only to be his friend, and it was destroying her. “We’re going to figure this out, because you did not kill Tony.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Once John was back in the cell in the cellar of the pub, Peter had the deputy send everyone out, and John wasn’t allowed visitors. Peter said that it was to give him time to revisit the protocol for John’s visitors with the deputies. Marlena knew it was to further isolate him when he needed his friends the most. She’d decided to go for a walk, and then return to the pub. She would insist on seeing John one last time for the night. 

She was excited to tell him that they had received word from Shane. He had gotten the clearance necessary to bug Judge Walker’s telephone, and assist on the case. The ISA had decided that they were not getting directly involved in John’s case. Instead, Shane would be taking the lead on a case intended to garner evidence of corruption and legal tampering against Stefano DiMera. They were desperate to catch him on any charge, because while he was locked up, they could investigate him for his other crimes without being hampered. That’s the only reason the ISA was willing to get involved in a low level murder case, never mind that John Black had been an agent of theirs when he was known as Roman Brady. Whatever the reason Marlena was grateful.

She rounded the corner and gasped in surprise when she encountered the infamous Woman in White. Many in Aremid thought her a ghost. Marlena had believed she was fabricated by the bored minds of people in a small town; however, the woman in front of her was very real. Reaching out to touch her just to make sure, she watched the woman flinch back. Softly, before the woman could run, Marlena said, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You know Johnny. You’re Johnny’s wife, aren’t you?” she asked Marlena in a breathy voice.

Marlena wasn’t sure how the woman knew that she and John were married. Without confirming or denying her, she said, “I know John. Are you-are you talking about John?”

“Yes, Johnny. I want to help him,” she said. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she could feel the bile in her throat as her body tried to fight her. The only thing that kept her standing there was her memories of John’s kind eyes. He’d helped her when she had been her most alone. She needed to find the courage to help him. She turned, pointing at the Blake House, and said, “The dead man speaks.”

Marlena knew immediately that she was talking about Tony. He was the dead man. Excitedly, she asked, “The dead man speaks? Wait! Are you talking about the diary?”

“A diary. Yes. The dead man speaks,” she said, backing away slowly. She’d been out in the open too long. Stefano might find her.

“Stefano has the diary, but I don’t know how to get it,” Marlena said, getting excited. “I know he has it. Do you know how to get it?” The Woman in White nodded her head slowly in the affirmative. Marlena grabbed at her arm to prevent her leaving, and she asked her, “Are you willing to help me? For Johnny?”

A noise sounded behind her, and Marlena turned to see a cat falling out of a garbage can. The metal clanged and clattered loudly, and when she turned back, the Woman in White was gone. As fast as she could without drawing attention to herself, she sped back to the pub. Deputy Helms let her pass, and she descended the stairs, rushing into the pub basement. John looked up from his cot with surprised eyes, and then he stood up quickly, walking towards her. Marlena grabbed John’s hands through the bars of his cell, and said breathlessly, “I’ve met the Woman in White, and you won’t believe what she knows.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The first time ever I saw your face

Your face

Your face

Your face

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face – Roberta Flack

Chapter 17 – Girlfriend

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Hey, hey, you, you

I don’t like your girlfriend

No way, no way

I think you need a new one

Hey, hey, you, you

I could be your girlfriend

Hey, hey, you, you

I know that you like me

No way, no way

You know it’s not a secret

Hey, hey, you, you

I want to be your girlfriend
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe stared at his best friend with sadness and frustration. “You know buddy, there have been times in my life when I’ve felt completely helpless, but not as helpless as I feel right now.” He arrived a little early for John’s court hearing to bring him a suit, and make sure he was okay. Marlena and Lexie were getting the children settled with Maggie.

“Abraham, we have had investigations with one dead end after another, but as I recall, we always got our man,” John told him optimistically. He knew Abe and Mickey had found enough evidence to prove reasonable doubt, but none of that mattered if the judge was being bribed or blackmailed by Stefano. Shane and the ISA might be his last hope. “I can only hope we do this time as well.”

Abe rubbed his hands over his face, muttering, “Except Stefano, he’s the only one we couldn’t nail.”

“Is there really not any way to take down his empire?” John asked Abe. He couldn’t think about all of the times Stefano had slipped through their fingers. “There has to be, otherwise the ISA wouldn’t even bother. I’ve just got to pin my hopes on that, Partner.”

“Well, if there is, I’m not getting any news from the front line, but you know the ISA. They aren’t going to show their hand at the beginning of the game. You know my guess is that Stefano’s associates have managed to hold the fort, at least for a while, but if Marlena is right… if he has his memory back, he’s already running things again, you can bet on it,” Abe said. 

John straightened his necktie, asking, “There’s nothing in the pipeline that Tony’s death might have been a bid by a competitor to take over Stefano’s territory?”

“Nothing buddy, but we’re going to find the truth before this trial is over, John. I feel it in my bones,” Abe said with confidence. 

“Yeah, that’s a fact. I appreciate your support, Abraham. I really do.” John turned to face Abe, and smoothed his hands over his jacket. 

“Well, you’ve got Marlena’s support, too. I’m happy about that,” Abe said with a nostalgic smile. “You two always were great together, and she loves you so much. She hasn’t doubted you once, not once.”

Stepping closer to the bars that separated them, John said, “I appreciate you keeping an eye on her while I’m in here.”

“We’re all checking in on her buddy. Lexie, myself, Mickey, and Maggie. Bo and Hope check in with her too,” Abe told him, but he felt like there was more to John’s statement, something he hadn’t said yet.

John paused for a moment before he continued, “Abe… because of Doc’s pregnancy… I can’t stop worrying about her. I feel like we just found out, and now I’m back in here. She’s only about eight weeks along, but depending on how long this trial is, she could start showing. She’s worried about that, and then with the stress of the trial, and Sami… plus, Marlena is worried about her age. She says there’s more complications if the mother is older.”

“Listen partner. We’re all your family here, and we’re all watching out for her,” Abe reassured him. He wasn’t going to add to John’s stress. Keeping the marriage from Stefano was hard enough, and John was right, depending on how long this trial dragged on, hiding a pregnancy would be much more difficult.

“I don’t know what to do,” John said. “Soon she’s going to need prenatal care. We’re wondering if we shouldn’t just come out with the news of the marriage, and hire a security detail?”

“Let’s hold off on that. There’s still time yet,” Abe said, looking at his watch. “Shane said he’d meet me down here at noon to update us on his side of things.”

Fifteen minutes later Shane (disguised as an elderly man named Mr. Agnor Whitlow), John, and Abe were gathered around the small table in John’s cell, while Shane explained how things would proceed. Making sure the room was clear, he said quietly, “I’ve successfully placed the bug in Judge Walker’s office, and we’ve tested that it’s working. I’ve also got a tap on the phone line in his office. Obviously one incriminating conversation would be enough to help your case, John… but the ISA case is going to need more. That being said, we can’t jump on this Stefano thing immediately. I hope you understand.”

“I do. I honestly figured as much,” John told him. “I worked at the cop shop long enough to know how things work, and when it comes to red tape and bureaucracy the ISA is even worse.”

Shane smirked and started laughing, “That it is, John. That it is.”

Outside the room they heard shuffling, and then the deputy’s stern words, “Mrs. DiMera! I told you he’s not taking visitors, and he’s meeting with his defense team!”

“He’s meeting with Abe, and some old man I’ve never seen before!” she cried. “Just ask him! Ask him if he’ll see me! Please! I have to see him!”

Abe tried to cover his smirk when they all heard Kristen shriek loudly, as the deputy said, “No! Visitors!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You’re so fine, I want you mine, you’re so delicious

I think about you all the time, you’re so addictive

Don’t you know what I can do to make you feel alright?

Don’t pretend, I think you know I’m damn precious

And hell yeah, I’m the motherfuckin’ princess

I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kristen watched John speak softly to Marlena and Sami outside the courthouse. She was furious. She’d tried to see him earlier, and Deputy Helms had physically lifted her up and carried her out of the cellar just before she’d reached the room with John’s cell. She’d never been treated so poorly in her life. All she needed to do was get some alone time with John. Just long enough to remind him of their love. Instead half of Salem had come to Aremid, and John’s time was monopolized by the perfect and beautiful Marlena. Marlena who had never doubted him. Kristen hated her.

As she watched John and Marlena together, she knew something was different, but she couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. John and Marlena were always huddled together having private little conversations, that wasn’t anything new. She watched with disgust as he reached forward, and swept a stray piece of Marlena’s hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her neck a little longer than necessary. His eyes were soft, and Marlena’s gaze on him was definitely more than friendship. What the actual fuck was going on? Kristen remembered the night that John called her ‘Doc’ when they were in bed together. He’d told her it was an innocent mistake, but was it? She wasn’t sure as she studied them. She started to turn away, and then she heard Marlena’s choked sob, and she watched as John pulled her close to him. Kristen was furious. That was why he’d written her off, and refused to have any further discussion about their future. He still wanted Marlena, and she obviously wasn’t doing anything to put him off. Kristen saw the way Marlena smiled up at him with tears in her eyes. It was so G-d damned obvious. She was tempting him, and trying to steal him away.

Sami hugged John tightly, saying, “I’m going to go take a seat inside. That way you and Mom can talk before you have to go in.” The lunch recess had felt much too short. Peter had allowed John to dine in their suite with the children as long as Deputy Cox watched over them. It had felt hectic and rushed, but John hadn’t seen the children in two weeks, and he refused to allow them to be brought down to his cell. 

He kissed Sami on her forehead, whispering, “Thank’s, peanut.”

“I love you, Poppy,” she whispered back.

John was acutely aware of Kristen’s scrutiny. He leaned closer to Marlena, whispering in her ear, “Kristen’s watching us like she’s doing a damned science experiment.”

Marlena threw her head back laughing, drawing attention from the people around her, and another scowl from Kristen. “I can’t believe you’re making jokes right now, John!”

“Just keeping things light,” he says with a chuckle. He brushed his hand down her spine, out of Kristen’s view, and he asked her softly, “How are you feeling, Doc? Did you get sick this morning?”

Marlena smiled up at him, “No. I managed to keep my breakfast down this morning, thank you very much.” He cocked his eyebrow as if he didn’t believe her. “John, I’m fine. Honestly. I don’t want you worrying about me.” She leaned in closer and whispered softly, “We’re fine.”

“Have you made a doctor’s appointment yet?” he asked quietly.

“I was thinking about asking Mike to be my doctor while I’m in Aremid. We don’t know who we can trust, aside from our small group, and I’m not willing to risk it right now. Mike is a dear friend, we know that. He’s proven that,” she whispered, remembering his dedication, and devotion to her recovery after the exorcism.

“You’re right, Doc. I was worried about the idea of bringing a stranger in for your prenatal care, too. We don’t know how far Stefano’s influence reaches. I’d trust Mike with my life. I have trusted him with yours before,” he said softly, thinking about the same event Marlena was pondering. John reached out, taking Marlena’s hand, threading their fingers together briefly before letting go. Kristen was still watching, and it was hard to keep himself from being too familiar with Marlena.

“John, we’ve got to move inside now,” Deputy Helms said, stepping closer, and looking apologetic. He was well aware that John and Marlena’s relationship was much more in private than it was in public, but it wasn’t his business. They both seemed like kind people, and he’d always been the type to mind his own business.

Reaching out to squeeze Marlena’s hand one last time, John allowed the deputy to lead him inside. Marlena watched them with sad eyes for a moment, and then took a deep breath. She had to hold herself together for him. She couldn’t fall apart when he needed her strength. She started to follow John, and then she felt her arm jerked back roughly. She turned quickly to see Kristen’s enraged face, as she hissed, “What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Shaking her arm free, Marlena looked at her with a bland expression. “I’m not sure exactly what you’re referring to, Kristen.”

“You and John,” the other woman snarled as her blonde hair whipped in the cold wind.

“John is my dearest friend. I’ve told you that repeatedly. I have no control over your imaginings, Kristen,” Marlena said calmly, as if she were reciting something she’d practiced over and over again.

Kristen didn’t believe her, and when Marlena attempted to walk away yet again, her fingers gripped the sleeve of her coat. “You bitch,” she said with venom. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? John pushes me away, and you just swoop in to offer him all the love, and support he needs, right? Well, he loves me. Me. When this is all over he’ll forgive me… because he loves me.”

Marlena sighed. She was tired from the early weeks of her pregnancy, and then there was the children, John’s trial, and she was worried about Sami. The last thing she wanted to deal with was Kristen’s childish insecurity. 

“Have you ever been professionally evaluated? You’re demonstrating traits of compulsion, and obsessive behavior that could be related to a personality disorder. It’s odd,” Marlena mused. “I’ve never noticed that in you before, but I guess, under stress, it’s harder to hide things, isn’t it, Kristen?”

“I hate you,” Kristen said before going inside the courthouse.

“Definite personality disorder,” Marlena muttered to herself, walking slowly inside the courthouse. “Although, being raised by Stefano, I’m not surprised.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She’s like so whatever

You could do so much better

I think we should get together now

And that’s what everyone’s talkin’ about

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Shane answered the soft knock on the back door and ushered Abe inside. Abe brushed the snow from his coat, saying, “Hey, I got your message, buddy. I came as soon as I could.”

“I’m glad you’re here, Abe. I want you to take a listen to this recording I got last night,” Shane told him excitedly. “It explains a lot about today’s hearing, and I think this is going to make you, Mickey, and John very happy.” Shane walked down the hall towards his rented room. He gestured towards a closed door, saying over his shoulder, “She’s asleep. She goes to bed around 7:30 every night.” He opened the door to the room at the end of the hall, and Abe saw a table loaded with electronic equipment, and recording devices.

Shane closed the door when Abe entered the room, and then he strode towards the table, quickly rewinding a tape, and hit play. Abe listened to some static at first, and then he heard the unmistakable voice of Stefano DiMera. 

“You owe me, and it’s time to pay up,” Stefano said in his deep baritone. “My son is dead, and I want John Black found guilty of murder!”

“I’ll do what I can, Mr. DiMera,” Judge Walker responded.

Stefano sounded angry, “You’ll do what I say, Judge. All the evidence points to John, anyway!”

“Perhaps, but I must look at the case closely, and I must tell you this, Mr. DiMera, if I find the evidence points to John Black’s innocence, I cannot find him guilty,” Judge Walker told him. “His defense team has already come up with additional evidence. My ruling can’t seem too suspicious.”

Stefano’s voice became louder, “The authorities will be doubly suspicious when they hear the information that I have about you. Now, do I have to remind you that this wonderful life that you’ve built for yourself, with the mansion, and the good neighborhood, and the house at the beach, have all been paid for by my money?”

Judge Walker’s voice wavered, “That was a long time ago, Mr. DiMera.”

“A debt is a debt. Everybody pays. I want John found guilty of murder. Do you hear me?” Stefano threatened him.

“Yes, Mr. DiMera, I hear you,” the judge replied softly.

“Good,” Stefano said and then disconnected the line.

Abe looked up with a grin so big Shane started laughing. “You know Abe, that was just one call, but I’m fairly certain that Judge Walker, and Stefano DiMera have a long complicated history.”

“I think you’re right, partner. I think you’re right,” Abe said, relieved that they were finally getting somewhere. Hopefully if they could prove corruption, plus add in the gun box, the trigger pen, and the medical records – they might be able to get the entire case thrown out.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hey, hey, you, you

I don’t like your girlfriend

No way, no way

I think you need a new one

Hey, hey, you, you

I could be your girlfriend

Hey, hey, you, you

I know that you like me

No way, no way

You know it’s not a secret

Hey, hey, you, you

I want to be your girlfriend

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A few days later, John stood with Marlena next to the defense table as Mickey finished writing some notes about the discussion he’d just had with John regarding his argument with Tony the night of the murder. Mickey wanted to specifically bring up the fact that Tony had a photo of Belle that night, and used it to antagonize John. The photo had been found half burnt in the fireplace, but there had been enough left to identify that it was Belle, and after being dusted for fingerprints, a set of Tony’s were found on it. Mickey had also gotten the lab report on the cotton glove portion he found in the fireplace of the sitting room, which was positive for gunpowder residue. They were slowly gathering enough bits of evidence to at least be able to establish reasonable doubt.

John leaned towards Marlena, whispering softly, “I miss you.”

She shivered. It felt so intimate in a room full of people. “You do, huh?” she said smiling. “I’m here now.”

“Not what I meant, and you know it,” he growled quietly. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m not getting sick anymore, that’s a relief,” she said. A smile crossed her face. “Although, I have developed quite a fondness for peanut butter on toast.”

He arched his eyebrow at her. She hated peanut butter. “Peanut butter? Really?”

“Mmmm…. Last night I dreamt that I was making toast, and while it was still hot, I spread peanut butter on it… so good… so damned good,” she moaned.

John’s body grew tense, and the muscles in his abdomen rippled beneath his clothes. “Doc, my G-d woman, you make peanut butter toast sound so fucking sexy.”

Marlena started laughing, just as Mickey turned to them, and told John the trial was getting ready to start. They were already a few days in, and while sitting in the courthouse for hours every day was exhausting, Marlena wouldn’t be anywhere else. She laced her fingers through John’s, giving his hand a quick squeeze before letting it go, and smiled at him one last time before he turned around to take his seat next to Mickey. Marlena could feel someone staring at her, and turned to see Kristen in the back of the courtroom. If looks could kill, Marlena knew she’d be dead. Kristen’s eyes were narrowed, and she had a sort of deranged look in her eyes. “Definitely a mood disorder,” she mumbled to herself.

She turned back around, and saw John watching Kristen with a worried expression on his face. Marlena leaned forward, touching his shoulder lightly, saying, “Please don’t worry, John. Your focus needs to be on the trial. I can handle Kristen. I’m a big girl.”

“You’re my girl,” he emphasized. “I don’t know, Doc. Something in her eyes worries me. I’ve never seen that type of hatred from her before. Maybe I need to talk to her again.”

“No. She’s upset that you’ve broken things off with her, and she’s jealous, and angry with me for being here to support you. Nothing else.” Kristen was jealous, and seeing Marlena there supporting John had made her realize the mistakes she’d made. That was all.

“Okay… for now. But could you do me a favor, and just stay away from her? It would make me feel a lot better,” John told her. He could help bruising his fingers across her cheek quickly.

Kristen sat in her seat in the corner of the courtroom seething over the blatant flirting Marlena had just engaged in with John. The woman must be desperate to go after a man who was already taken. She was a tramp. Marlena had ruined her chance with John, and she’d thrown him away. Besides, Marlena knew John was planning to marry her, and she still threw herself at him like a woman with no shame at all. Always wanting things that weren’t hers. Sure, John had told Kristen that their relationship was over, but he didn’t really mean that. He was just angry at her because she had doubts about his innocence. When the trial was over, and he was released, he would forgive her. She knew he would, and in the meantime she had to figure out a way to keep Marlena’s sticky little fingers off her man.

“In the matter of The People vs John Black, the prosecution’s case will resume. Please call your next witness, Mr. Blake,” Judge Walker said.

“The prosecution calls Dr. Marlena Evans,” Peter said.

Marlena rose slowly, looking at Peter with loathing, and approached the witness stand. After swearing an oath to tell the truth, she took her seat, and waited. Peter seemed unsure of himself, rattled, although Marlena has no idea why. He approached, asking her, “Were you aware of John Black’s anger towards Tony DiMera?”

“I was aware they had arguments, yes, but I wouldn’t characterize that as anything more than two men who had disagreements,” Marlena replied.

“Move to strike, Your Honor, as being unresponsive,” Peter said looking at Judge Walker.

“You asked the question. Dr. Evans answered it. Mr. Blake, please proceed,” the judge told him.

Peter looked at Marlena for a moment, finally sighing deeply, and saying, “No further questions at this time.”

Marlena turned to Judge Walker, and said, “May I say something, Your Honor? May I make a statement?”

“I object,” Peter said immediately.

Judge Walker was beginning to regret ever allying himself with Stefano DiMera. “Well, you know, Dr. Evans is an imminently qualified psychiatrist who has particular knowledge of this case, having been close to both the defendant, and the decedent.”

“Much closer to the defendant, Your Honor,” Peter said rather sullenly.

“Well, this court will hear what she has to say… oh, and the objection is overruled,” the judge replied.

“Thank you, Your Honor. Mr. Blake is right, I am closer to John, but I knew Tony as well. But it’s John I want to talk about. John Black, the man. He is a man of substance, of caring, and of deep religious beliefs. He is incapable of hurting anybody. So, regardless of the accusations against him, or the evidence you may hear, I know he is innocent. He did not kill Tony. I don’t know who did, Your Honor, but it was not John Black,” Marlena said vehemently, staring at John the whole time she spoke.

Kristen’s fingernails dug into the sensitive flesh of her palms. She wanted to tear out Marlena’s eyes. Of course the perfect doctor would plea John’s innocence to steal him away from her. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me

And even when you look away, I know you think of me

I know you talk about me all the time again and again

(Again, again, again)

So come over here and tell me what I wanna hear

(So come over here)

Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear

I don’t wanna hear you say her name ever again

(And again and again and again)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena sat outside John’s cell, holding his hand through the bars, her fingers laced with his. They rarely had any alone time, and Peter was forbidding guests inside his cell anymore. Their lunch had been simple, and they’d been more concerned with each other than with the food. John’s thumb ran softly over hers, when he said, “No one, in my whole life, has ever believed in me, or had as much faith in me, as you have, Doc. No one. I love you so much, Lady.”

“I love you,” Marlena said softly. “I always have. Nothing will change that. Nothing.”

“How did you like lunch?” he asked her with a smirk.

“Lunch was amazing,” she said, throwing her head back, and laughing at him. They’d had peanut butter toast, grapes, and Coke’s. All of those things being Marlena’s current go to food choices. “I can’t believe you did that!”

“I want to be involved in every part of this, Doc, and if you want weird food combinations for meals, I’ll eat them with you,” he promised. He thought about how much he’d missed during Belle’s pregnancy. “What did you crave with the twins? Belle?”

“The twins were horrible. I would wake up at all hours of the night eating bell pepper slices dipped in ranch dressing. Just the thought of it now makes me ill, but at the time? It tasted like heaven. Belle, well, she had me craving a couple things. Fruit Loops, and I don’t even really like breakfast cereal, and for some odd reason… edamame. I must have gone through five pounds of edamame. I remember eating them, and thinking they tasted like butter,” Marlena said with a smile. “Oh, and with DJ it was popsicles. Popsicles were so tasty. Don was running to the store every other day for a new box.”

“Are you sleeping okay?” John asked her.

“I am. John, honey, I’m eating right, I’m getting enough sleep, and Mike says everything looks, and sounds great. You can stop worrying.” But she knew he wouldn’t. Not until he was out of the cell he was in and back in her bed.

“As long as I’m locked in here, and Stefano DiMera is out there… I’m going to worry,” John said.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

‘Cause she’s like so whatever

And you could do so much better

I think we should get together now

And that’s what everyone’s talkin’ about

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

They had just finished a grueling day in court, and the situation was beginning to look more, and more bleak. Mickey was afraid that, even with the evidence they had found, Stefano’s interference, and the massive amount of circumstantial evidence pointing at John as the shooter, would ultimately cause them to lose the case. Marlena was becoming increasingly desperate to prove John’s innocence, while John seemed to be withdrawing into himself. She was scared, and she had to do something. But what?

John rubbed his hands over his face, and turned to face her, after hanging up the pay phone, “Victor’s legal team is going to look into the transcripts, and see if there’s some technicality they could use if they need to overturn the verdict.”

“John, there hasn’t been a verdict. You’re acting as if you’ve already been convicted,” Marlena said. As the day had worn on John’s earlier optimism had started to fade with every piece of evidence that pointed at him. “Nobody’s giving up hope. None of us are. Listen to me, John,” she pleaded. “There is still time!”

Softly, he said, “Not much, I’m afraid.”

“Don’t say that!” Marlena cried. John touched her face gently, and then pulled her close, holding her against him. “Please, John, don’t say that.”

“We’re bound to get a break soon. Maybe another suspect,” Lexie said, frustrated. “Somebody has to know something!”

Marlena suddenly had an idea. She pulled back from John, with tears streaming down her face, and said with force, “There is! The Woman in White!” John scoffs under his breath, afraid to hope for help from some illusive woman who hides in the shadows covered in a tablecloth. Marlena continued, “She believes in your innocence. She says that there’s proof in the Blake House. Something about ‘the dead man talking’!”

“Yeah, the old Woman in White. Doc, I think she’s really confused, if she isn’t just crazy,” he said dejectedly.

Marlena agreed with him to a certain extent, but she couldn’t give up. “Well, maybe she is, but she’s very eager to help you!”

“Well, I think she’s worth checking out,” Lexie interjected. She could tell from John’s facial expression that he didn’t think this would pan out.

“I’ve tried. I can’t find her,” Marlena said, looking from John to Lexie. “After my first encounter with her, I tried to find her again. I haven’t been able to.”

“One of the locals might know. His name is Logan Michaels. You’ve seen him at the pub. He has this stuffed parrot,” Lexie said excitedly.

John scoffed again, shaking his head, “The Parrot Man? Well, he always struck me as being crazy, too.”

Lexie smirked, “Yeah, well, he’s a little eccentric, but he’s been in Aremid a long time, and he knows a lot!”

“Maybe he can help me find the Woman in White—” Marlena said.

” –no, no, no, Doc! I don’t want you putting yourself in danger over this dammit!” John was getting progressively frustrated. Marlena had a way of putting herself in harm’s way when it came to the people she loved. He knew that from personal experience. But with her pregnancy, he needed her to be more careful.

“I don’t think she’s dangerous! Anything is worth a try!” she said, looking at him with pleading eyes. “John! I have to try!”

John gave up on fighting her over this, and told her, touching her face gently, “Be careful.”

Marlena sighed in relief, throwing her arms around his neck, and hugging him tightly. She was going to find the Woman in White, and she was going to get her hands on whatever evidence Stefano was hiding. She had to. She tipped her lips close to John’s ear, and whispered in a hurried manner, “I love you. I love you so much!” 

John watched as she and Lexie turned on their heels and sped from the courthouse, with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He could go with them, to ensure their safety. He could only trust that Lexie, having previously been a police officer, would steer Marlena in the right direction.

“You know she’s just going to hurt you again,” Kristen sneered from behind him. “She did it before, and broke your heart. She left you in Mexico for Roman, and then after your affair… she left you again.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kristen,” John said, turning around slowly to look at her. He’d never discussed his relationship with Marlena with Kristen, so anything she thought she knew was either based on hearsay, or her own made up version of what happened. Probably the latter.

“I see what she’s trying to do, John. She’s throwing herself at you. It’s obvious, she’s desperate, and she thinks we’re over,” she said. “But you love me. I know you do.”

“Kristen, we are over. I’ve already told you this,” John said, looking at her quizzically. Was she really that delusional? He had been clear with her.

“John, honey,” she said placing her hand on his arm, while stepping closer, “I know you’re hurt—”

” –Kristen, stop. I don’t want there to be any confusion, so listen closely,” John said with force. He shook her hand off of him. “We are over. There is no future for us. We are done.”

Kristen stared at him blankly for a moment, as if she were confused, before saying, “I know you’re upset, but—”

” –please, stop. Don’t embarrass yourself further,” John told her. He nodded towards the deputy, indicating he was ready to go, and then he told Kristen, “Our relationship is over, Kristen.”

Deputy Helms approached them, telling John, “It’s time to head back to the pub, John.”

“I’m ready,” John said, turning from Kristen, and walking away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hey, hey, you, you

I don’t like your girlfriend

No way, no way

I think you need a new one

Hey, hey, you, you

I know that you like me

No way, no way

You know it’s not a secret

Hey, hey, you, you

I want to be your girlfriend…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Girlfriend – Avril Lavigne

Chapter 18 – Tell Him

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know something about love

You’ve gotta want it bad

If that guy’s got into your blood

Go out and get him

If you want him to be the very part of you

Makes you want to breathe, here’s the thing to do

Tell him that you’re never gonna leave him

Tell him that you’re always gonna love him

Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena had been searching for over an hour. The Parrot Man at the pub had provided her and Lexie with vague and cryptic directions to a system of caves, but they’d been unable to find them. In frustration they’d given up. Lexie had walked back towards the pub, and Marlena had decided to go for a walk near the cemetery. In the dimming evening light Marlena rounded the corner, and to her surprise, in the haze, she saw the Woman in White kneeling before a headstone that on its own seemed unremarkable. As Marlena neared her, she was able to make out the name etched in the granite. James Peter Blake. She was immediately confused. Stepping closer, her foot snapped a twig and the Woman in White started to glance around. Seeing Marlena, she stood up, and turned to run. Marlena tried to reach her before she could leave, but her fingers narrowly missed her arm.

“Wait! Wait!” Marlena screamed, chasing after her and grabbing onto her hand. Marlena spun the woman around, telling her, “No! No, I won’t let you go! Not until you talk to me!”

The Woman in White was crying and gasping for air. She started to panic, and looked around for a way to get free of Marlena’s grasp, but Marlena held firm. “Listen to me,” she said. “You told me that you could help John. That you knew of a diary that could free him! I want to know how to find it.”

“I can’t!” the woman cried. “He’ll hurt me!”

Marlena glanced quickly at the headstone the Woman in White had been crying in front of, and instantly found herself worried for the woman. The town of Aremid seemed to have a dark history. They hadn’t even celebrated Christmas until John had paid for a surprise celebration. The DiMera’s were tied to Aremid, and so were the Blakes apparently. “Who’s going to hurt you?” she asked carefully. “Who would ever hurt you?”

“Stefano!” the woman said, sobbing. She could still feel the fire on her skin, and she could see Stefano’s dark eyes laughing with malice. She gasped for air as she cried,”Stefano will hurt me again!”

Marlena held fast to her, promising, “If you help John, I won’t let Stefano hurt you. I promise you, but I have to help John. We have to help John!”

The Woman in White stopped struggling, as if Marlena had just gotten through the haze of her terror. “I want to help Johnny, but I’m scared!”

“Is the diary still in the house?” Marlena asked her.

“Yes, the diary,” the woman said in a breathy voice.

“Do you know where it is? Could you help me get it?” Marlena asked her. She could feel the hope rising inside her. If the Woman in White helped her, they just might be able to save John’s life.

The woman started crying again, “I’m scared!”

“I know you’re scared. I know, and I promise to keep you safe, but I have to get that diary! Will you help me?” Marlena pleaded. “Please?”

If there was ever a time in her life to be brave, she knew it was then. She’d asked James for a sign, and it was possible that Marlena asking her for help was that sign. “Yes. I will help you… for Johnny,” she said quietly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know something about love

You gotta show it

Make him see the moon up above

Reach out and get him

If you want him to be always by your side

If you want him to only think of you

Tell him that you’re never gonna leave him

Tell him that you’re always gonna love him

Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe, Mickey, and Shane crowded around the recording equipment in Shane’s room listening as another call was answered in Judge Walker’s office. As soon as Stefano began to speak the three of them looked at each other with smugness. It was what they needed. For the first time in weeks, Abe started to feel hopeful. As a police officer, Stefano DiMera had been able to thwart him at every turn. He couldn’t let Stefano win this time, because John’s very existence depended on him.

Stefano’s menacing tone filled the room, “You are a difficult man to reach, Judge. Have you not gotten my messages?”

“Stefano…” Judge Walker replied hesitantly.

“Or, perhaps you have been avoiding me? Oh, no, no, no, you would never do anything that stupid,” Stefano told him

Judge Walker replied quickly, “Look, I have a lot of work to do…what do you want?”

Stefano’s tone sounded casual, and yet everyone in the room understood the danger he posed. They were all certain that Judge Walker did too. “To discuss the trial, of course, and I must tell you… it is very riveting. Naturally, I would love to be there in the courtroom, but, until I get permission from my doctor, and as soon as I do, I will be in the court. In a front and center seat.”

“I have to go now,” Judge Walker said hurriedly.

“No. Not until you hear what I have to say!” Stefano demanded.

They could hear the judges quick intake of breath, “I’m listening…”

“You owe me, Walker, and unless you want our former association made public, and unless you want to resign from the bench in disgrace, you will make sure that this trial has the outcome that I desire! You will make sure that John Black is found guilty, and sentenced to death.” The line was disconnected, and the room was silent. Each of them were lost in their own set of thoughts. 

Abe spoke first, asking Shane, “Do you have enough now? Enough to nab Stefano, and prove corruption? Because, Stefano is out for blood. John’s blood!”

“I mean, come on, Shane!” Mickey said in frustration. “How much more blatant does the conversation need to be?”

“We need more,” Shane told them, reading the disappointment on their faces. “We can’t rush this. As miserable as John is, he’s safe. He’s safe, and we need enough evidence to do more than save John. We need enough evidence to charge Stefano with a crime that will stick.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ever since the world began, it’s been that way for a man

And women were created

To make their destiny, then why should true love be

So complicated? Oh yeah

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kristen followed Marlena when she saw her enter the stairwell to the basement where John’s cell was located in the pub. Deputy Cox was standing near the bar caught up in a conversation with Sara’s dad, and his distraction made it easy for Kristen to slip by.  Slipping inside, she waited until Marlena reached the bottom and entered the cellar before descending quietly. She had to know what was going on with them. Marlena was taking advantage of John’s loneliness, and she was going to stop her, as soon as she figured out what their relationship was. It would be just like Marlena to exploit John’s weaknesses, afterall, she was a psychiatrist. She would know how to manipulate his mind. Kristen approached the door slowly, listening as John said to Marlena, “How are you feeling, Doc?”

“I’m good. I took a short nap. This little one is draining me,” she said with a chuckle. She was quiet for a moment as her palm settled gently on her abdomen. Curious, Kristen peeked around the corner. Marlena and John stood close, only separated by the cell bars. His hand cupped her face, and Kristen saw that Marlena was leaning into him. 

Marlena said, softly, with affection in her voice, “John, darling, Mike said everything is fine. He wants to do an amniocentesis next week to check for genetic abnormalities, but that’s normal in pregnancies involving women over thirty-five. He feels like I’ll be far enough along then to pose less risk to the baby.”

“Aren’t those dangerous?” John asked her with concern in his voice. “I know there’s a risk.”

Kristen’s mind was reeling with confusion. What were they talking about? Marlena was pregnant? Did Roman get her pregnant before he left town… ugh! Did her father get her pregnant?

“They’re fairly routine now. Don’t worry John, please. The baby, and I are fine,” Marlena told him softly. “Our baby is fine.”

Kristen placed her hand over her own mouth to keep herself from crying out. No. No, Marlena could not be pregnant with John’s baby.

“I still can’t believe you’re having my baby, Lady. When you agreed to marry me, you made me the happiest man alive,” John said in awe. “I am the luckiest man in the world, and when I get out of here we are going to spend the rest of our lives making up for lost time. We’re going to make a home together. A home like we used to have. You, me, the twinners, Belle and Brady… hell, Carrie if she wants to to.””

“I love you,” Marlena whispered.

John leaned closer, pressing his face against the bars, and Kristen heard the soft sounds of him kissing Marlena. Nausea raced through her, and she stepped back quickly, clapping her palm over her mouth to prevent herself from crying out loud. Kristen turned on her heel and raced from the basement with tears streaming down her face. She bumped Deputy Cox as she sped by, and it was only when she was outside that the first sob tore free of her chest. 

Marlena had waited until John was alone, and vulnerable to slither into his bed. Now she was pregnant… again! Kristen raged internally. That was supposed to be her baby! Hers! Marlena had twisted John around her finger, and gotten him to marry her, and now they were having another child. Kristen’s heart was breaking, and the only person she thought could help her was her father. He may not remember raising her, but he was still attentive, and caring when she visited with him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know something about love

You gotta take his hand

Show him what the world is made of

One kiss will prove it

If you want him to be always by your side

Take his hand tonight, swallow your foolish pride

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kristen was shaking with rage as she approached her father’s room, she heard him talking to someone, “My son was murdered! Is it so strange that I want justice? That, maybe, I even demand it?” She was immediately intrigued. Her father sounded like how he used to sound, before he lost his memory. He had the same force, the same menace in his tone. “Mr. Black is not innocent, Judge Walker. He is guilty of many things, and he must pay the price… Oh, no. Not until you hear my instructions. Now, as much as Peter wants to convict John Black, he still has an achilles heel… his sister, Kristen. I want you to make sure, that when he calls her to the stand, that he holds nothing back. I want you to make sure that he asks her point blank, if she believes John killed Tony, because in her soul, she has many doubts. She will not be able to hide those doubts, and I want those doubts to come out in open court, even if you have to force them out of her! I want everything to work against John Black, do you understand me?”

He wanted to hurt her just to convict John? That’s what he was telling Judge Walker to do. He was instructing him to make Peter ruin her life in open court! Well, he was already too late. Marlena had done that all by herself. Kristen threw open the door to Stefano’s room, and stood there, seething at the shocked look on his face. She’d loved him for the entirety of her childhood. Stefano had taken her and Peter in after the deaths of their parents, but had he ever really loved them? Or were they nothing more than pawns in his games? Something inside her snapped, and changed. She threw off her coat, giving him a glare of hatred, as she told him, “Don’t bother, Father. John wants nothing to do with me. So destroying me on the witness stand won’t have the effect you are looking for.”

Stefano slowly hung up the phone, watching her face carefully, while wondering exactly how much she had overheard. He got his answer with her next phrase, “So there’s no sense trying to emotionally destroy me on the stand, to further your vendetta against John, is there?”

“Kristen, that was not what I intended. You misunderstood me,” Stefano tried to lie. “You see–”

“Shut up, Father! I didn’t misunderstand,” she sneered. “I came here hoping that I could talk to you about John, and that conniving bitch, Marlena, only to find out you were planning to use me, as usual. How long have you been faking your amnesia? Was it the whole time?”

Deciding to ignore her questions, he replied, “Kristen, John murdered Tony! You know that! I can see the doubt in your eyes.”

“It doesn’t even matter! Nothing matters! I’ve lost him. I just found out he married her, and I don’t even know when, although I suspect it was probably when you insisted we all spend Christmas together in Salem as a family!” Lifting a large bronze figurine from the table near Stefano’s bed, she hurled it across the room, as she screamed, “He fucking married her, and she’s pregnant! I was supposed to marry John! I was supposed to have his baby, and that fucking whore waited until he was vulnerable, and hurt, to swoop in like a damn witch on a broom and steal him from me!”

Stefano struggled to get out of his bed. As he stood up, he felt dizziness wash over him. He’d been having dizzy spells ever since the lightning strike, but he’d kept it to himself. He stared at Kristen in shock, “Marlena is pregnant? She married him?” Stefano said in low tones, a furious tremor simmering in his voice.

“Yes, she fucking stole my life!” Kristen raged. She’d never held so much hatred for anyone in her life.

“Marlena is mine!” Stefano roared. “How could I not be aware of this? I have been so caught up in this trial… I have lost focus. I am such a fool!”

“Do you still want her?” Kristen asked Stefano with curiosity. Maybe she hadn’t lost John afterall.

He glanced at his daughter, confused by the sudden gleam in her eye, and answered her slowly, “I do, and I will have her, because Marlena is mine… although the baby complicates matters considerably.”

“I want the baby. It should be my baby! She stole John from me, and that baby is rightfully mine,” Kristen said in a menacing voice.

He eyed her warily, “Do not be stupid! What are you planning, Kristen?”

“I’m going to tell John I’m pregnant,” she said excitedly. The perfect plan. She could tell him she was pregnant, and then before Marlena gave birth Stefano could kidnap her. He would give the baby to her. Her plans were dashed by her father’s next words.

“Kristen, do not be an idiot! If you were pregnant, it would already be evident!” Stefano stared at her as if she were an idiot. He really had believed her to be smarter than that.

“Okay, okay, you’re right. I would be showing already… new plan, you kidnap Marlena, and I still take baby. I can adopt a baby. Once John thinks he’s lost Marlena, that she’s gone forever, I can pull him back in. I can play on his sympathies. I can be a single mom, and because he still loves me… every time I need help, I can call him. He’ll come, because he still loves me! I know he does. I just have to get him away from Marlena!”

His mind was spinning. He had to come up with a plan, and he had to move fast. His distraction and focus on getting John convicted had caused him to lose sight of his ultimate goal – taking Marlena for his own. Kristen continued to speak as if her plan would solve all of her problems, but he’d stopped listening. He had to formulate his own plan. One in which John Black died, and Marlena became his Queen of the Night.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tell him that you’re never gonna leave him

Tell him that you’re always gonna love him

Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami sat with Marlena and John for dinner. John was, of course, still in his cell, because of Peter’s absolute refusal to grant him bail, or even allow visitors inside his cell. Belle and Brady were eating with Bo and Hope because John still refused to allow them to see him locked up. Sami understood why, but with every passing day she wondered if he wasn’t losing precious time with them that he would never get back. She had so many fears inside her that she kept buried, and the biggest one was that her Poppy would be convicted before they had a chance to save him.

Marlena and Sami had just finished eating, when Sami shyly handed John a photo from her ultrasound earlier in the day. “Their boys,” she said with a soft smile. “I’m due about three months before Mom.”

“Boys? You’re going to be a great mother Sami,” John told her. He had full faith that Sami would be an excellent mother. “When you were little you used to sing to your dolls, and change their clothes. You made me babysit them, and you pushed them in a little stroller. I can’t believe you’re having your own.”

“I’m scared,” she told him, staring at the ultrasound photos in his hand. “The thought of being a mom is scary. I wanted to let you know… you and mom, that I appreciate you, and I love you. I haven’t been all that fun to deal with over the last two years, and I’m sorry about that. You have shown me nothing but love, and I threw it back in your faces.” She sighed, finally looking him in the eyes, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I love you, Samantha Gene. I have loved you since the first time your mother put you in my arms,” John said to her. “We’re a family, and we’re going to have our ups, and downs, for sure, but I will never stop loving you. Ever… and now I’m about to be a grandfather.”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena said quietly. “I hadn’t even thought about it that way. I’m going to be a grandmother!” Sami started laughing, and Marlena reached out to wipe a stray tear off of her daughter’s cheek, saying, “John and I made mistakes, and we’re sorry for that. Our choices caused you a lot of unnecessary pain.”

Sami was quiet for a moment, as she considered how much she should say. Her therapist’s words came back to her, and she knew, no matter how hard it was, she had to start her new path with the truth. “Dad left, because he was upset about your affair. He couldn’t get over it, and he couldn’t move past it. He left me, Eric, and Carrie behind. That caused me more pain than your affair did, but no matter how angry I was, no matter how much I pushed you away, or how many horrible things I said to you… both of you stayed, and you loved me,” Sami said softly. “That means the world to me.” She stood up, running her palm over her softly rounded abdomen. “I’m going to head upstairs. You don’t have much time left, and I want you to spend it together.”

John stood up, reaching his arm through the cell bars, “Doc, come here.”

Stepping as close as she could, she rested her face against the bars, “I love you.”

“Awww, baby… I have always loved you,” he whispered. Kissing her gently, he said, “Knowing that I have you in my life has changed everything.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh, you gotta go now

(Tell him that you’re never gonna leave him)

Oh yeah

(Tell him that you’re always gonna love him)

Yeah

(Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now)

Don’t let him go now

(Tell him that you’re never gonna leave him)

Oh, yeah

(Tell him that you’re always gonna love him)

Yeah

(Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now)

A-take his hand in the air and tell him

(Tell him that you’re never gonna leave him)

Oh, yeah

(Tell him that you’re always gonna love him…)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Tell Him – The Exciters

Chapter 19 – Dream On

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Every time when I look in the mirror

All these lines on my face getting clearer

The past is gone

It went by like dusk to dawn

Isn’t that the way?

Everybody’s got their dues in life to pay

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The situation with John’s trial was looking dire. Shane couldn’t get clearance from the ISA to move forward on Stefano’s corruption case. They were demanding more evidence so the case was solid, which John understood, since Stefano had managed to weasel out of almost every criminal charge he had ever been faced with, but it didn’t make his anxiety any less. There was also Marlena and her obvious distress. John worried about her pregnancy and the baby almost constantly. He feared that Marlena would do something impulsive in an attempt to help him, and he couldn’t protect her from Stefano if he was locked in the cellar of a pub. John had been watching his wife, and while he didn’t know exactly what her plan was, he knew she was planning something. He could tell, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. All he could do was make sure that Marlena was prepared for whatever might come.

“Unless a miracle happens, I’m going to lose this case,” John told her, pacing his cell. “I’m not afraid to die, Doc, but to die for something I didn’t do…” he finished, trailing off helplessly. 

“You are not going to die! I can’t believe that G-d would let something that unjust happen to a good man like you,” she said forcefully. If only she could be allowed inside his cell. If only she could do more than comfort him through a set of iron bars.

His pacing stopped, and he glanced over at her. “I keep thinking about Belle, and Brady having to grow up without their father… and what about this new baby? Having to live their life never even knowing me?” He knew he was allowing his own fears to get the better of him, but what if it was true? What if this was how his life ended? Did that mean that Stefano had won the match, and he truly was nothing more than a pawn?

“Don’t you think that!” Marlena shouted. She reached for him, but John was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice. “And don’t you dare give up hope! This is not over. The verdict hasn’t even been read yet!”

“I’m just being realistic, Doc,” John told her, finally looking at her sadly.

Marlena wasn’t sure about how he would react when she mentioned the Woman in White, but she had to show him that other people were rooting for him, that there might still be a way out of this. “John,” she said softly, “there still may be something that could end this.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yeah, I know, nobody knows

Where it comes and where it goes

I know it everybody sins

You got to lose to know how to win

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“You know of something that could prove my innocence?” he asked her.

“I knew about it last night, but I didn’t want to say anything in front of Sami,” Marlena began carefully. She wasn’t even sure then if she should say anything. 

John approached the heavy iron bars of his cell, looking at his wife with interest, “Say what?”

Marlena wrapped her hand around his where he held the bars tightly. “I talked to the Woman in White again. I found her outside of a cave, in the woods.”

“In the woods, Doc?” John wasn’t sure who this woman was, but she seemed sketchy, at best. “You could have fallen and gotten hurt–”

” –It’s one of her hiding places. I asked her to help me find the proof of your innocence,” Marlena said hopefully. 

“And she refused?” he asked her.

Marlena felt hopeful at John’s curiosity, “No! She wants to help you. She’s just so afraid…”

“Afraid of what?” He wasn’t happy with the direction this conversation was taking. He felt like it was leading somewhere, and he wouldn’t like the final destination. If it was back to the idea of a diary, and Marlena being near Stefano he would refuse.

“Afraid of… afraid of Stefano,” she said softly.

“Stefano? How does she even know him?” John asked incredulously. But even as he asked the question he saw Maison Blanche and the shadow of a woman crying out for Johnny.

“I don’t know, but she said that he had hurt her.” Marlena remembered the grave, and she said, “I found her at the edge of the cemetery. She was crying over a grave. A grave for someone named James Peter Blake.”

John didn’t understand, “Blake?”

Marlena gripped his hands even tighter, “I don’t understand it either, John… but she’s willing to help us?”

He didn’t like any of this. “Why?”

“I don’t know, but John, she also said that Stefano has his memory back, which is what you thought from the beginning, and what I only just realized.”

John pulled back slightly, asking her, “Well, how would she know something like that?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know, but if she’s right, and if there’s evidence in that house, and he knows about it, you could be freed,” Marlena said, staring into his eyes. Taking a deep breath, she released him and said, “I think I’m going to go see Stefano.”

“Oh, no, no, no! Don’t do that! It’s too dangerous,” John said quickly, reaching through the bars trying, unsuccessfully, to grab at her. She was standing just outside of his reach, and his heart was racing. He’d been right. She had a plan, and she’d only come to tell him about it.

Her wide hazel eyes begged him to understand, “He could provide the missing piece to the puzzle!”

He felt so fucking helpless! “C’mon, c’mon, Doc! He’s not just going to admit to you that he’s got his memory back. Look at how you’ve responded to him, ever since he-he lost his memory, and became the new, and improved Stefano! You, yourself, said that the two of you had become friends,” John said, desperate to keep her away from that man. If only she would step back into his space.

“I know. We had,” she said softly, looking down at the floor. She still believed that, at least initially, his amnesia had been real. She’d only seen changes in Stefano’s personality since the lightning strike. She stepped closer, unable to ignore the pleading in his eyes.

“Well, would you still be his friend, if you knew he was the same man you hated, and feared all those years?” he asked her, reaching out, and tipping her face up to his. He had to get her to understand how dangerous Stefano was. Marlena had sacrificed herself to Stefano too many times, just to save him. Flashes of her half naked body on the monitor in Maison Blanche flashed in his mind. The guilt he’d felt for ruining her marriage washed over him again. He’d caused her too much pain, and he wasn’t even sure he was worth it. She could not put herself and their baby in danger to try and save him. 

Marlena knew he was right. She wouldn’t be Stefano’s friend if she knew he had all of his memories back. “No—” she started.

John interrupted whatever she’d been about to say, “—and he knows that! He’s been obsessed with you, Doc!” Stefano would do whatever he needed to do to get Marlena.

“I can handle that!” she cried. She knew that John was scared for her and the baby, but without him, what would their life be? She couldn’t imagine living a life without him in it, and she was willing to do whatever needed to be done to ensure that he could be with them. John scoffed at her, shaking his head in frustration, as she continued in a desperate voice, “Listen to me! You listen to me!” She reached for his face, tipping it up so she could look directly into his eyes, “Time is running out! I can’t let you be convicted. I love you too much! I love you!”

John threaded their fingers together holding her hands to the bars that separated them, while begging her, “Please, Doc! Please! I’m locked in here like an animal in a cage, and if anything happens to you… anything… well, I-I wouldn’t handle that very well. Please, just stay away from Stefano.”

“Okay. Okay… for now,” she said slowly, noticing the fear written all over his face. She stared into his deep blue eyes, and she repeated, “For now.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Half my life’s in books, written pages

Live and learn from fools and from sages

You know it’s true, oh

All the things come back to you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John reached out, grasping her upper arms tightly while pulling her as close as he could. He felt like she wasn’t fully understanding his abject fear. “You listen to me, Doc! I need you to promise me that you’ll stay away from Stefano DiMera! If he’s got his memory back he’s a dangerous man!”

Marlena pulled away from him forcefully, pushing her hair out of her face as she turned her back to him. “The Woman in White said that Stefano had proof of your innocence! I want that proof!” she practically screamed in frustration.

“What do you think he’s going to do? Hand it over to you?” John yells back at her. “Doc, please look at me!”

Marlena sighed deeply, turning back to face him, “No, I don’t think that, but I think that proof is in his room, and I’ve got to find a way to get it, without him being suspicious.”

“Your safety, Doc! That’s all I’m concerned about!” he said, reaching for her. Marlena came back within his reach, and he grasped her face in his hands, holding her firmly. “Your safety!”

“What about yours?” she cried. Marlena’s tears start a burning path over her cheeks, as she stared at him feeling lost, and hopeless. “John, honey, please let me help you! The Woman in White wants to help you!”

John sighed. He didn’t want to argue with her. He wanted out of the fucking cage that Peter Blake was keeping him locked in. He wanted the chance to prove his own innocence, so that he didn’t have to worry about his pregnant wife taking risks to save him. “Doc, has she given you any proof that what she has can help you?”

She wiped at her own tears furiously, “Well, not exactly, but she did say it was a diary in the house.”

“I think it’s a fantasy! I think it’s all– it’s all in her mind. How long has she been roaming this town? The people here think she’s a ghost!” John turned away from Marlena, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. He could feel the tears stinging at the back of his eyes.

“I don’t know, but you know what? I believe her!” Marlena said, sobbing. “I believe her! And I believe that diary could save you!”

John turned to face her, angry, scared, and frustrated all at once, “You believe her because you want to help me! But if she could save me, why hasn’t she done it before now?”

“Because she’s so frightened of Stefano!” she exclaimed. “She’s so frightened of him, and I don’t know why!”

“—or she’s playing mind games with you!” John knew he was grasping at straws.

“No, I don’t think so,” Marlena said, shaking her head. Her determination was growing as she whispered, “If I could just find that book!”

“If there is a book, and Stefano has it, you’re not going to get it! If he has anything that might clear me, he’s going to protect it with his life. He wants me dead, and if you get in his way he’s… Doc, stay away from him, please,” John begged her. He reached for her again, wanting nothing more than to hold her as close as he could. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sing with me, sing for the year

Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear

Sing with me if it’s just for today

Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena continued to cry, overwhelmed by a sense of complete loss, and helplessness. John ran his thumb over her cheek, gently wiping away her tears, as they stared at each other for long moments. He leaned forward, brushing his lips over hers through the bars, saying softly, “There’s a few things that we need to discuss, Doc. Just… well, just in case. I have set up trust funds for the children.” Marlena inhaled deeply, shaking her head, as she stepped back from him. She turned away from him, as she gasped for air, while John continued, “You’re the executor. Utilize the money anyway that you see fit.”

“No! No, John,” Marlena said, spinning to face him. “No! That is not what’s going to happen. It’s not. You’re going to be here for them. You’re going to help me raise them, and be the amazing father I know you are. I don’t want to talk about trust funds, or anything else! Please, John! Don’t do this to me! You’re breaking my heart!”

“Doc, we have too,” he said sadly. He reached for her, but she refused to come any closer.

The look in his eyes made her decision for her. He was giving up, and she refused to accept that. “No, we don’t. I won’t. Because I’m going to get that diary,” she said firmly. “Tonight. I love you, John. With my heart, and my soul. You are my whole heart,” she whispered as she stared at him from a few feet away. If she touched him, she wouldn’t be able to leave. “I love you,” she said before she turned, and walked out.

“Doc! Doc, no!” John screamed after her, as she fled the basement. “Fuck! Doc! No!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year

Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear

Sing with me if it’s just for today

Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Dream on, Dream on

Dream on, dream until your dream come true…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Dream On – Aerosmith

Chapter 20 – Shake It Out

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep somethings to myself

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Woman in White was scared, as scared as she’d ever been in her life. Her hands shook, and her breath came in wheezing gasps. The only reason she pushed forward was to help Johnny. At one point in her life she had begged him to help her, and he had – to his own detriment. She owed him. It was a debt to repay, and then she could finally give up. Her own life meant little to her. Johnny’s life meant everything. Stefano’s plan was to ensure that Johnny was convicted, and killed, and she couldn’t allow that to happen. 

She led Marlena through the labyrinth of secret passages in the Blake House, finally coming to a hidden panel. Taking a deep breath she glanced at the women behind her. Marlena was risking her life to save Johnny too. The Woman in White slid the panel open slowly, looking around and listening for any sign that someone might be in the room. The only sound she heard was the soft ticking of a clock. She had overheard Stefano’s plan for dinner with his children earlier, and she knew he would be gone a decent amount of time, but he had left earlier than she expected, and now she wasn’t sure about when he might return. That alone, ratcheted her fear up even higher.

Sliding the panel open completely, she entered the room, and pointed towards the chest of drawers, “I saw him place it in there.”

Marlena’s heart was racing, and she quickly went to the dresser and began rummaging through the drawers, realizing very soon that it was no longer there. “Oh, G-d! It’s not here. Where could he have hidden it? Can you help me search?”

The Woman in White became even more scared. She stood in the entryway in the wall, almost too scared to move, “Oh… I’m–I’m scared!”

Marlena approached her, reaching for her hand and squeezing it gently, “Listen to me! This is for Johnny! We have to save him, and this is the only way!”

“For Johnny, it’s for Johnny… Stefano hurt Johnny,” she whispered. She looked around through the haze of her veil.

“Yes, he did, and he wants to hurt him again,” Marlena told her hurriedly. “We have to find that book.”

They both entered the room the second time. They began searching quickly through stacks of books, shelving, and cabinets, when Marlena finally turned, and saw the bedside table. The cabinet door on the table was slightly ajar, so she kneeled down, opening it, to discover a wooden box inside. Something inside her chest told her she’d found it. Opening the box, she sighed in relief, crying out, “I’ve found it. Oh, thank G-d, I’ve found it!” Turning quickly, and rushing across the room to the Woman in White with a huge smile on her face, “We’ve found it! We have to get this to Abe Carver immediately!”

The Woman in White’s eyes shifted to something, behind Marlena, and Marlena knew that someone was there. In her focus to find the diary, she’d stopped listening for Stefano or anyone else. Without looking behind her, she knew someone was there. Reaching for The Woman in White, she shoved her back towards the open panel in the wall and pushed the diary into her hands, screaming, “Take it! Take it now! Please, for Johnny—” 

She heard the Woman in White cry out just as a wet cloth with ether was shoved over her mouth, and she slipped from consciousness. The last thing she saw was a white haze disappearing into the wall, and the panel sliding closed. Her last thought was of saving John.

The Woman in White ran, her dress and veil drifting behind her like fog on an early morning. She sped through the passages, her mind screaming in fear, with the diary clutched to her chest like a lifeline. She had to find Abe Carver, or Johnny could die. It didn’t matter what could happen to her, Stefano had already ruined her life, and he had tried to destroy Johnny’s life. She had to do this. 

Just as the Woman in White burst from her cave in the woods behind Blake house, Stefano entered his bedroom to find Kristen struggling to get Marlena’s limp body onto the bed. Kristen’s face was red with exertion, and Stefano rushed forward helping her to prevent Marlena from falling to the floor. His hand brushed over her rounded abdomen, and the reality of the whole situation hit him.

“What did you do? You idiot!” he roared at Kristen. “Why would you do this?”

“Take her. Take her, Father!” Kristen said with a frenzied look in her eyes. If she could get her father to take Marlena away, she could get John to love her again. She just needed Marlena out of the picture.

“I am not ready, you fool! My plan is not complete,” Stefano yelled, lifting Marlena’s prone body gently onto the bed. He stared down at her furious at Kristen. “What if you have hurt her baby? What did you use?”

“Ether. I stole it from Mike Horton’s medical bag this evening at the pub,” Kristen said carelessly. “I checked. It won’t hurt the baby, she’ll be fine. Just please, take her away. I just want the baby.”

“Kristen, you are so stupid,” he told her. He watched his daughter realizing that she might turn out to be just as crazy as her mother was. Rachel Blake had lost her mind and died in a fiery blaze she’d set herself. As he watched Kristen become more and more manic, he worried that she would find a similar end.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I’m always dragging that horse around

All of his questions, such a mournful sound

Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami was enjoying her late night walk along the main street of Aremid. The light from the street lamps sparked off of the fresh snow creating a world of mystery, and intrigue. She took a deep breath. Kate and Lucas had gone back to Salem, and she needed this daily escape from the stress of the turn her life had taken, and from her fear that her Poppy would be convicted. She smiled to herself as she thought about how easy it was to love him, especially when hating him had been so hard. They’d had several long talks where she expressed her anger over the night he left. Her sadness at waking up the following morning to find him gone, and her growing rage at the new life he’d made with Isabella and Brady. His affair with her mother hadn’t been the event that led to two years of turmoil, it had been the straw that broke her and unleashed all of the rage she’d been holding in. 

She was finally at a point where she was beginning to feel that those feelings were resolved, but her fear over her Poppy’s current predicament was causing her to lose sleep. It couldn’t be that just as she found resolution he would be taken from her again. It wasn’t fair! But then, Sami felt like much of the things she’d experienced in her life weren’t fair. 

She rounded the corner, planning to turn back towards the pub, when she heard crying from the darkened tree line. Soft breathy sobs, and mumbled words. Approaching slowly, she asked softly, “Hello? Are you okay?” She didn’t get a direct answer. All she heard was an increased weeping, and soft whispered words.

“Johnny! I have to do this for Johnny… but Stefano! Stefano will hurt me… Stefano hurt Johnny… the book… Marlena said I had to give it to Abe Carver…” The Woman in White trembled, afraid to step out of the shadows. She was frozen in fear, and her mind kept replaying the night Stefano killed her husband. She kept seeing her children being stolen away from her, and the fiery flames that burned her body. She closed her eyes, rocking back and forth with the diary clutched to her chest, as she cried, “Marlena! I’m sorry!”

Sami awkwardly pushed her way between two bushes, finally reaching the sobbing woman, and touched her shoulder gently. She hadn’t heard everything the woman had said, but she’d heard her mothers name. The woman flinched at Sami’s touch, and stared up at her through a thick white veil. Sami told her gently, “I can help you… if you’re scared.” The woman turned to face her, and Sami knew immediately who she was. Her mother had talked about her. “You’re the Woman in White, aren’t you? Let me help you.”

The woman’s hand trembled when she held out the leather bound journal. “This book… to save Johnny… Marlena said to give it to Abe Carver…” she said between sobs. “… but, I’m scared!”

“The book goes to Abe?” Sami asked her. 

“Yes!” the woman gasped. “To save Johnny!”

“If this book can save Poppy, I’m going to help.” Sami reached out, taking the book from her. “I promise you. I will take this straight to my Uncle Abe. I promise!”

“Johnny is your father?” the woman asked her, calming slightly. “You love him?”

“He’s the best father there ever was,” Sami said, smiling at her in reassurance. “Trust me with the book. I promise, I’ll get it to my Uncle Abe. I promise.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

‘Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

But it’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out

Shake it out, shake it out, oh whoa…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe, Micky, and Shane were with John, as he continued to rant and rave over Marlena’s running off earlier. Abe had sent an officer out to look for her, and their fear was that she had done something impulsive in her fear over possibly losing John. John’s fear was that she was somewhere inside Blake House and already in the hands of Stefano DiMera.

He was frantic, pacing his cell like a caged lion, “She did this before! In Stockholm, when Orpheus nabbed her, and at Maison Blanche, when she tricked Stefano by seducing him! When she’s scared, and desperate, she gets impulsive. Who knows where she is, or what she’s even doing!” He was terrified of what could happen to her, if she continued to allow her emotions to rule her. He wouldn’t be able to calm down until he saw her face, until he could be positive that she was safely back in the pub.

All three of the men looked to the doorway when they heard the loud clatter of boots on the wooden stairs. A breathless Sami burst into the room, completely unaware that her mother was missing. “You won’t believe what the Woman in White just gave me!” she said excitedly, shoving the diary towards Abe. “I was walking, and I heard her crying in the shadows! She said Mom told her to get it to you Uncle Abe.”

“Where is your Mother, Sami?” John asked her frantically, holding the cell bars in a death grip, and staring at her intently. Had Sami seen her mother?

She stared at him for a moment as dread started to rise. “I don’t know! Mom wasn’t with her,” Sami said, still breathless from her run. “The woman was alone. I found her crying along the tree line, and she kept saying she was scared of Stefano, and Mom told her to get the diary to Abe. I–I didn’t realize…”

Abe started flipping through the diary, with a look of awe on his face, “Mickey… oh my G-d! Shane! This is it! It’s Tony’s diary! Listen to this, I’m completely confident my plan to frame John for my murder will work. I’ve taken care of everything, right down to the last detail. John! We’ve got it!”

“Can I see that?” Mickey asked him, reaching for the book, and flipping through it. “The box, the gun box! I don’t believe it… it says right here, I’ve devised an innocuous looking device that will hold the gun, so that it can be triggered by remote control. I’ll position myself carefully, so the bullet will enter my chest. I’ll hold the pen in my hand. No one will ever suspect that the pen is the remote control. I hit the remote control. The gun fires. I fall to the floor, and the gun falls to the floor. It works perfectly. They will find me dying, and the gun not far from my body.” Mickey is in shock, as he looks at Sami, saying, “You’re a kid genius! I never would have guessed that Tony actually did kill himself, but with this, and the box, and the trigger pen… wow, just wow! John, do you know what this means?”

John yelled, pounding on the cell bars, “I can get the hell out of here, and go look for Doc?”

“I’m calling Peter and Judge Walker right now,” Mickey said heading for the stairs, and handing the diary to Shane, “You’re going to want to see this.”

Shane looked at the diary closely, flipping through the pages slowly, “If this is, in fact, written by Tony… then this case is over, John. He’s detailed every aspect of how he planned to end his life, and frame you for the deed, all the way down to why he did it. He literally writes, I overheard John telling Kristen that he still keeps a revolver in the loft. I found the gun. When I removed it from the box, I was careful not to smudge the fingerprints. This is perfect. John’s gun, with John’s fingerprints on it? Perfect.“

“Are you fucking kidding me? Why the hell would he write it all down? What an arrogant bastard!” John was furious. They knew that Tony was dying. It had been confirmed with his medical records, but to go so far as to end his own life, and frame someone else for it? John felt like that took the DiMera crazy to a whole new level. He looked at Abe and Shane, saying loudly, “Now when the hell do I get out of here. We have to go find Doc!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

And I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart

‘Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Peter! Marlena’s missing, and I’m pretty sure your insane father has her, so get me the fuck out of here!” John yelled as Peter slowly looked through Tony’s diary. 

Peter gave him an arrogant look. “John, you expect me to believe that some woman dressed in white, a local myth, gave this diary to your seventeen year old daughter as she was walking down the street? I’m not sure I buy that,” Peter told him. “I’m going to have forensics experts look this over, dust it for prints, and have a handwriting analysis done. What isn’t going to happen tonight is you getting out of here.”

“Peter,” Mickey said slowly, quickly losing patience with his refusal to concede that he could be wrong. “We have Tony’s medical records, which clearly state that he was dying of a blood disease, the box with the trigger mechanism, the trigger pen, Tony’s hatred of John was public knowledge, and now this diary. Plus, I just got the forensics report on the segment of a white cotton glove I found in the fireplace, in the sitting room. It had gun powder on it, and Tony’s DNA. Why are you so reluctant to admit that you might be wrong here?”

“Because, I know my brother, and he wouldn’t commit suicide!” Peter said. His heart was breaking. Tony had always been the brother he could count on. Tony was the strongest DiMera there was, and he’d been the only one to offset Stefano’s particular brand of evil. This couldn’t be right.

“Even if he knew he was going to die painfully slow? Even if he was eaten up inside with jealousy?” Abe interjected. “Knowing that you have a terminal illness can seriously impact mental health, Peter. Think about it. Look at the diary. At first glance, does it look like Tony’s handwriting? Just answer me that.”

“I’ll admit, it looks like Tony’s handwriting,” Peter said carefully, but still refusing to admit anything. “But Tony was not suicidal!”

“Can we concede to allowing John out on bail, then? Please?” Mickey asked them, slowly looking between Peter and Judge Walker. “Because, if Stefano has Marlena again, and we suspect he does, we don’t have much time before he tries to remove her from Aremid.”

“I don’t see why John needs to be free to search for her, and possibly kill another member of my family,” Peter said haughtily. “The Sheriff and his deputies are already searching.”

Mickey, Abe, and Shane looked at each other, and then to John, who nodded once, before Shane started to remove his disguise. “Mr. Blake, I’m an agent with the ISA, and I’m currently investigating your father for corruption as well as judicial tampering. He has been obsessed with Marlena Evans for years, this is not new information. You were at Maison Blanche, so you know what he is capable of. We happen to know that Marlena is a little over four months pregnant, and it is imperative that we find her immediately.Her life and the life of her unborn child are at risk.”

“Pregnant?” Peter asked, looking confused.

John was losing his patience over the whole thing. He was stuck in there while they quabbled about his life! If Stefano had Marlena, then trying to keep his marriage a secret was pointless. One of the main reasons for keeping it a secret was to keep Stefano away from her. John approached the bars of his cell, gripping them tightly, and nearly roared at Peter, “Can we stop debating this, and let me out of here, so I can look for my wife!”

Judge Walker had heard enough. No matter what happened in his life he couldn’t continue to keep an innocent man behind bars. There was enough evidence, in his mind, to create reasonable doubt, and he’d had enough dealings with Stefano to know that he was an incredibly dangerous man. If Stefano had Dr. Evans, and she was pregnant, that took precedence in his mind. Judge Walker stepped forward, with Deputy Helms behind him, and said, “I’ll approve bail, but I’m setting it at $100,000 dollars.”

“That’s fine! That’s fine! Just get me the hell out of here, please,” John said impatiently, as Deputy Helms stepped forward to unlock his cell.

Mickey was quick to tell him, “John, I’ll handle the bail. You go with Abe and Shane, and find Marlena. I’m sure $100,000 isn’t much for you. I think, I remember you paying that much just to dance with her once, am I right?”

“That you are, partner,” John said with a smirk, rushing out of his cell. Looking at Abe and Shane, he said hurriedly, “Now let’s go find my wife!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

And given half the chance, would I take any of it back?

It’s a fine romance but it’s left me so undone

It’s always darkest before the dawn

And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t

So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road

And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Shake It Out (Acoustic) – Florence + the Machine

Chapter 21 – You Are My Destiny

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Destiny)

(You’re my destiny)

You are my destiny

You share my reverie

You are my happiness

That’s what you are

(you are my destiny)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Woman in White walked slowly through the secret passages of Blake House, her hands trembling as she approached the room where Stefano was staying. Her fingers gripped the small pistol tightly. So tightly, that even in the dim light she could tell her fingers had turned white. Tears fell from her eyes making silent paths over her scarred cheeks, and images of her husband’s funeral came to mind. A car accident she’d been told. A lie. She’d known then it was a lie, even as Stefano maneuvered his way deeper and deeper into her daily life. His obsession had grown until there was no way to escape him. No way but death. Death had seemed like a welcomed friend at one point. Her survival had left her focused on one thing – revenge. Stefano was her destiny. He had been for years. Killing him would bring her the peace she sought. The rest would fall into place.

As she stood on the other side of the wall, she slid the panel open partially. Stefano was lying on the bed, behind Marlena’s prone body, softly touching her face, and whispering to her, “I love you my darling. Will you please wake up?”

The Woman in White felt her mouth curl up in a sardonic grin. Stefano used to speak to her that way, and he didn’t mean a word of it. He couldn’t. Stefano DiMera was incapable of love. His world revolved around his wants and his needs. Love was something he would never understand. 

“John?” Marlena mumbled, turning her head away from Stefano’s large fingers. She fought her way out of the haze. Something was wrong. Her hand reached for her baby, rubbing over her rounded abdomen. “John? The baby?”

“No, Marlena. John is gone. You are mine now,” Stefano murmured, while kissing along her jaw. “We will raise the child together. You and I, my queen.”

The Woman in White remembered the years she had been held captive by Stefano. Her children were his hostages. He’d used their very existence to keep her in line. That’s what he would do to Marlena. Her child would become his pawn. Of course he would. He’d done it to her. He had controlled her every move, what she ate, what she wore, even her daily contact with her children. Stefano had made her want to die. She’d craved death like a lover, and eventually she’d almost succeeded. However, instead of the death she craved, she was left scarred, and alone, living her life in the shadows in Aremid. She was a literal living ghost. Marlena would be the same. She would be a shell of her former self, and her child would become an evil, selfish replica of Stefano DiMera himself.

She couldn’t allow it to happen. The Woman in White’s hand shook, as she slid the panel open wider, causing Stefano to look quickly towards the wall when the movement caught his eye. She stepped out, gun in hand, and pointed it at his chest. His eyes were lit with fear as he scrambled from the bed, staring at her. “Who are you?” he demanded.

“I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out,” she said slowly. “You left me for dead. You destroyed my family, you destroyed me… you stole my children and then you left me for dead.”

“I stole your children? I do not understand,” he said, approaching her slowly, hoping to get close enough to the woman to take the gun from her hands. Her voice was familiar, but she was shrouded in white, her face covered in heavy lace. He stepped closer.

“Don’t come any closer!” she cried. “You’ve destroyed my life. You’ve destroyed my children. I won’t allow you to hurt someone else!” Her voice shook with fear, but she forced herself to continue, “I won’t allow you to hurt Marlena. She only wants to save Johnny. You want to hurt Johnny. You hurt him because he tried to help me!”

“Johnny?” Stefano repeated in confusion. Johnny? In only moments it all came back to him. Only one person in his life had ever referred to John Black as Johnny, but she was dead. She had died in a fire set by her own hand. Still he tried to see through her veil as he asked, “Who are you?”

“You haven’t guessed by now?” she asked him in her breathy voice. She struggled to remove her veil and hold the gun steady as she sobbed, “Maybe you need to see my face?”

Stefano gazed upon the scarred face of a woman. A woman who had the clearest blue eyes he’d ever seen. The scars marred her face completely, making her nearly unrecognizable. Her skin was varying shades of red and purple with ridged scars that gave the impression of melting, but those eyes. Stefano stepped forward again, holding his hand out shakily, but she stepped back. “Rachel?” he asked with a slight tremble to his voice. He hated himself for it, but it was as if he were seeing a ghost. Wasn’t that what the people of Aremid called her?

“I used to be Rachel,” she said softly. “…a long time ago, I was Rachel… when I was a wife and mother. Now I’m just a ghost,” she said, raising the gun higher. “I’m just a ghost… and I will not find my peace until I fulfill my destiny.”

“What do you mean destiny?” He was trying to think of a way to disarm her, but she’d caught him by surprise.

The Woman in White gave him no answer at all. She took a step closer, and she shot him point blank in the chest, straight into his heart. She smiled at him with her scarred face, feeling her skin pull painfully.

Stefano stared at Rachel Blake in surprise. His wide eyes went almost black as he sank to his knees with his hand grasping his chest. He held his hand over the wound as if he would somehow be able to stop the flow of blood as it seeped through his fingers. Warm, sticky, wetness saturated his shirt, and slid down his abdomen. It was too fast. There was no stopping it. His heart struggled to beat, pushing more blood out of his body. He fell onto his side, staring up at her blankly. He knew he was dying, there was no coming back from what she’d done to him, and while his life slipped from his body the only thing he saw was the burn scarred face of Rachel Blake.

The Woman in White slid to the floor, the gun slipping from her hand, as she sobbed. Everything after that seemed to move in slow motion. Her daughter ran into the room, screaming at the scene before her. Kristen. Her darling Kristen. 

“What did you do?” Kristen screamed as she stared at Rachel sobbing on the floor, with the gun beside her. “Father! Father! No!” She ran to Stefano, attempting to put pressure on his wound… but Rachel knew he was already dead. Just the way she’d intended him to be. She smiled again. Her daughter’s cries filled her ears, and she watched the whole scene with emotional detachment. She’d done what needed to be done.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You have my sweet caress

You share my loneliness

You are my dream come true

That’s what you are

(you are my destiny, you)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John heard the gunshot as they were approaching the Blake House, and he took off running at an almost inhuman pace, closely followed by Shane, Abe, and Peter. He didn’t wait for Peter to open the front door, slamming it open so hard that the glass in the front door shattered when it hit the wall. He could hear Kristen crying, and someone else wailing. Immediately he thought, The Woman in White. The sharp, keening sound was haunted. It sounded broken, laced through with sadness and pain.

He was frantic to find Marlena, taking the stairs two, sometimes three, at a time to reach the top and then spending down the hallway towards the sound. When he entered the room, the scene that met them was complete chaos. Blood saturated the antique oriental carpet underneath Stefano’s body. He stared at the Woman in White with wide eyes while making guttural noises. 

“Bloody hell!” Shane exclaimed, as he glanced around the room. Stefano’s eyes were darting around the room fervently, as life slowly drained out of them. Kristen crouched beside his bloody body crying, and screaming as she attempted CPR, but it was obvious to John that every beat of Stefano’s heart pumped more and more blood out of his body. Kristen’s screams were making the scene even more confusing, while the Woman in White had gone eerily silent. She sat on the floor next to the body, a gun at her knees, and she had the barest hint of a smile. It was unnerving. John briefly noted the scene, and then turned his focus to the unconscious woman in the bed.

He was by Marlena’s side in a matter of moments, checking her pulse, before picking her up into his arms. “What’s wrong with her? Why won’t she wake?” he yelled, expecting no response, but then he heard the soft, breathy voice of the Woman in White. He knew that voice.

“Kristen, she used ether on her… to take her away from Johnny…” Rachel said softly. It as as if she didn’t even know who she was speaking to. Her eyes wandered and she had a dreamy look on her face. “She wanted Stefano to take Marlena away… I was so scared. Kristen wanted to take the baby… so I fulfilled my destiny… my destiny.”

He glanced around the room, “Can someone call Mike Horton? I’m on my way to the pub right now!” He would leave the untangling of the complicated web they had walked into, for Abe and Shane to figure out. Right then his focus was his wife, and his child. 

“John, that’s almost a mile away!” Abe said, trying to stop him. “You can’t carry her the whole way. It’s too far!”

John’s mind went to the time he’d carried her in West Virginia, when her ankle was sprained. He’d carried her nearly five miles that day. “I’ve done it before. I can do it again. Mike has all of the medical equipment he’s been using to monitor the pregnancy at the pub. Just call him… please!” John held her body close to his, and rushed from the room. “I’ve got you, Doc. I’ve got you.”

Abe looked at Shane, saying, “We’re going to need backup to sort this out. Can you stay in here, and secure the crime scene, while I go call the Sheriff and Deputy Helms? He can bring a couple other deputies with him when he comes.”

Shane nodded his head slowly, as he watched Peter push his sister to the side, and continue to do CPR on Stefano. It wouldn’t matter, Shane could tell the man was already dead. Stefano DiMera would not be coming back this time. The phoenix would not be rising again. Shane stepped forward, gently touching Peter’s shoulder, while saying, “Peter, he’s gone.”

“No! I felt his pulse, it was faint, but I swear I felt it,” Peter said, refusing to give up. “Father! Come on! Father!”

Shane knelt down beside Stefano’s blood covered body, and felt for a pulse. Finding none, he told Peter again, “Peter, I’m sorry, but he’s gone.”

“No!” Kristen wailed, throwing herself over Stefano’s deceased body momentarily, before turning with narrowed eyes to the Woman in White. “Why?” she screamed with tears rolling down her face. “Why did you shoot him? Why?!“

Rachel watched her daughter and her son mourn the man who had destroyed so many lives. “He destroyed me. He destroyed my family and stole my children. He destroyed Johnny once, too. I couldn’t let him destroy Marlena.”

“Who are you?” Shane asked her gently.

“I am a ghost,” she said softly, as she began to hum a lullaby to herself, and gently rock her body to and fro. Peter stared at her with wide eyes. He knew the song. It was Greensleeves. His mother used to sing it to him. His breath caught in his chest when the Woman in White said, “But once upon a time, I was a wife… a mother… I was Rachel Blake…”

Kristen gasped softly, looking at her brother. Peter had given up on performing CPR, realizing that there was nothing to be done for Stefano now. He stared at the woman claiming to be Rachel Blake for a moment. Her face was marred with burn scars lining her features, and varying shades of pink, but those eyes. Peter remembered those eyes, the clearest, lightest, blue eyes he had ever known in his life. This woman, who was obviously destroyed, was his mother. “How?” he whispered, having no doubt as to who she was.

“Our mother is dead!” Kristen shouted at her. Hatred coursed through her body at the sight of this woman, and her scarred, ugly, mangled face. She’d killed her father in cold blood, and nothing could redeem her in Kristen’s heart. “Our mother died when we were children!”

“I tried to die once,” Rachel said softly. She glanced at Stefano’s blood stained body, and whispered, “I guess G-d had other plans for me.”

“Mother?” Peter asked, reaching for her. “Stefano said you’d died in the car accident with our Father.”

Rachel’s mind was slipping in and out of lucidity. She was there, and then she wasn’t. She was in the past and then she was in the present. “I was a prisoner. Stefano wanted me. He killed your father, and used my children to keep me complacent. I wanted to die… I tried to die. Stefano thought I was dead… or maybe he left me for dead. Instead I am a ghost… I’m a ghost…”

“You’ve been here, in Aremid, all this time?” Shane asked her in awe. How was that possible? How had she survived with such serious scarring?

“The Woman in White…” Kristen whispered.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Heaven and heaven alone

Can take your love from me

‘Cause I’d be a fool

To ever leave you dear

And a fool I’d never be

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John sat in a chair beside the bed, where Marlena was lying. She had woken up earlier, as Mike was checking her and the baby, and then drifted back to sleep. Mike felt like the ether that Kristen had stolen from his medical bag and used on Marlena wouldn’t cause any serious problems. They simply had to wait until it was out of her system. He sighed. She’d been asleep for hours as he watched over her. Sami had already checked in a few times, the last time returning to let him know that she was putting Belle and Brady to bed, and would likely go to bed herself, soon after. He reassured her that he would be beside Marlena until she woke up. He wouldn’t leave her.

Marlena started to moan in her sleep, rolling her head back, and forth on the pillow. Stefano’s voice echoed in her head. John reached forward, touching her cheek softly, whispering, “Whatever it is you need, Doc, I’m right here.”

Her eyes opened slowly, blinking to regain focus, “John?” She felt the tension leave her body. He was there. They stared at each other for a moment, John’s expression radiating all of the love he had for her. “John…” Marlena whispered in a rough voice. He reached for her hand, gripping it tightly, and released a sigh he felt like he’d been holding for hours.

She was awake. He kissed her fingers, telling her, “I was so afraid that I was never going to hear your voice again.”

Marlena felt nauseous and her head was pounding. Something was wrong. The last thing she remembered was pushing the diary into the hands of the Woman in White. She started crying softly, running the tips of her fingers gently over his face, “How did I get here?” She could tell by John’s behavior that something very serious had taken place, but the last thing she could remember was telling the Woman in White to take the diary, and run.

“I brought you here from Blake House. It’s a long story. The short version? Kristen wanted Stefano to take you away, and give her our baby,” John said. “The Woman in White shot, and killed Stefano tonight. But, Mike checked you over, and the baby is fine..”

“Stefano’s dead?” Marlena asked. Her mind still felt hazy, and she was having a hard time fully grasping it.

“Yes, and you… you put yourself in a very dangerous situation to save me… again. I asked you not to do that. You risked everything for me, Lady. Everything. Nobody’s ever done that… in my whole life… nobody.” He brushed his knuckles across her jaw, and pushed a tendril of hair behind her ear carefully.

Marlena continued to stare at him, as if he were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in the world. “I will always fight for you, I love you too much not to,” she said.

“I thank G-d for saving you,” he told her, sliding into the bed beside her. They faced each other, their fingers gently caressing each other’s skin along their necks, and their cheeks. He leaned forward kissing her softly, whispering over her lips, “It feels so good to hold you again, Doc. I missed you so much. I missed having your body next to mine.”

“I was so scared you could die. I was desperate to help you,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry I scared you… but I’m not sorry I found the diary. I would do it again.”

John leaned up, looking her in the eyes, and said, “It’s amazing, isn’t it? Fate seemed to arrange it so we wouldn’t be here without each other.”

“I wonder why?” she whispered.

“I wonder what else fate has in store for us?” John said, running the tip of his nose along her neck, and kissing her softly behind her ear. “What kind of life will we have?”

Marlena’s body arched into him, and she gasped softly, pulling his head closer to her. Her lips brushed the lobe of his ear as she whispered, “Make love to me.”

John pulled back slightly, so he could look at her, “I don’t know, Doc…”

“John, I’m fine. Nothing is wrong with me, aside from a small headache… which I’m pretty sure would go away, if you made love to your wife,” she said against his lips. Marlena ran the tip of her tongue along the seam of his lips, pressing for entry, and moaning softly.

“I seem to remember you doing this to me another time. You’d just come out of a coma…” John groaned in his throat, rolling her onto her back, while threading his fingers into her hair. “So making love cures headaches?” John asked her, nipping lightly at her lips with his teeth.

“Oh!… It cures mine,” she says, sliding her hand up under his shirt, and raking her fingernails softly over the skin of his chest. “Kiss your wife… make love to your wife…”

John’s fingers begin nimbly unfastening the buttons of her satin pajama top he placed on her only hours before. Her breasts were slowly revealed to him, causing him to groan low in his throat. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered, cupping her soft flesh before bringing it up to his mouth, while his tongue languidly glided over the turgid flesh of her nipple. “Fuck, Doc, you taste so good,” he moaned, before his mouth engulfed her breast sucking deeply.

Marlena cried out softly when John slipped his hand into her pajama bottoms, and gently slipped his middle finger along the heated folds of her center. They hadn’t made love in months. John had been locked in his cell, and Peter had restricted visitors in there as well. Marlena’s body felt as if it would combust from the desire he was creating. His finger traced back and forth softly, pushing deeper with every pass. She started pushing at the waistband of her pajama bottoms, whispering, “Take them off. Take them off.”

John pulled her pants from her body, and simply enjoyed the sight of Marlena spread open for him. Her long legs were soft and smooth, and her pajama top was spread open. He leaned forward kissing her collarbone, and her shoulder, before licking over her nipples again. In moments, he’d removed his shirt and pants, wanting nothing more than to feel her body against his.  His hand spread over the growing roundness of her belly. John looked at her in awe, saying softly, “I’ve never been with you during a pregnancy… and with Belle… you’re so beautiful like this.”

Marlena touched his face, “I wish we’d know the truth about Belle, maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe you would have had the chance to experience my pregnancy with her…”

“To see your body growing with our child… it turns me on so much,” he groaned while his hand brushed softly over her hip, and then back over her abdomen. “C’mere, baby,” he mumbled as he rolled Marlena onto her side, pulling her spine up against his chest. Reaching around her, he slid his fingers slowly into her sex. Her deep moan echoed through his soul. She was already so wet. He pushed his length between her thighs with a sigh, and the slick glide caused them both to moan. John pulled back and slid back in a couple times, allowing her wet heat to coat him while bumping her clit in the process. 

Marlena’s head fell back against him, “John, please, oh, G-d please…”

Lifting her leg gently, he pulled it back over his thigh. In one swift movement he slid into her hot, moist center. The pleasure was overwhelming. John groaned as he leaned forward, biting her shoulder roughly. Marlena closed her eyes and whimpered, “I love you. I love you… and I thought it was too late.”

 John rocked his hips slowly, allowing their passion to build, “Doc, it was never too late, because I never stopped loving you…” He pulled his length out, and then pushed back in with more force. “It’s never too late for us. It’s never too late.” His palm cupped her abdomen, and he groaned. His wife. Their child. His family. Every push, every thrust, brought them closer together.

“John–John!” she gasped softly.

Marlena started coming, and John was lost. “Awww, fuck, baby… fuck…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You are my destiny

You share my reverie

You’re more than life to me

That’s what you are

You are my destiny

You share my reverie

You are my happiness

That’s what you are (my destiny)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: You Are My Destiny – Paul Anka

Chapter 22 – Safe and Sound

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I remember tears streaming down your face

When I said, “I’ll never let you go”

When all those shadows almost killed your light

I remember you said, “Don’t leave me here alone”

But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John woke early the next morning to a solid rap on the door. Marlena moaned softly, rubbing her face in his neck, and mumbling, “Who is it?”

“I don’t know,” he said, rolling out of bed and grabbing his robe from the back of the desk chair. “I’ll send them away.”

John rubbed his hands over his face as he walked to the door, opening it to find Mickey standing there, looking slightly disheveled, as if he hadn’t slept all night. “John,” he said in a rush. “I’m sorry to wake you so early, but there have been some developments overnight. Big developments. A different judge, Judge Boggs, is calling the court into session at 9:00 am. I just found out.”

John ran his fingers through his hair roughly, saying, “A different judge? Okay, what time is right now?”

“Around 7:30, I just wanted to make sure that you were aware, and present,” Mickey told him. “This could be the break we need.”

“Yeah, yeah,” John mumbled, while fighting back a yawn. “We’ll be there.” He watched Mickey walk away, toward his own room down the hall. 

He felt the heat of Marlena’s hand travel up his back, and over his shoulder, “Do you think it’s good news?”

“I have no idea, but I hope so. Mickey seems to think it could be,” John told her, turning around and wrapping her in his arms. “I guess we need to get showered.”

“You know, we could get ready faster, if we showered together,” Marlena said, softly kissing his neck. “Time management and all that.”

“Yeah, we could wash each other’s backs,” John said, untying the belt to her robe, and slipping it from her shoulders. It fell to the floor with a soft swoosh. He stared down as the swell of her breasts, and then slid his palm over the slick satin of her nightgown along her hips.

“Maybe while we’re in there, I could give you a rub down… you know, because you’ve been so tense,” she said, sliding her hands along his chest inside his robe. “Your muscles are so tight.”

He couldn’t help smiling as he asked her in a rough voice, “You going to help me relax, baby?” John pulled her hips against him. His body reacted, watching her lips part as she gasped staring up at him. “We don’t have much time.”

She leaned forward, licked over his nipple, and then looked up at him, and nodded her head, saying, “But… if you need to relax–”

” –fuck, yes,” he growled, before pulling her into the bathroom with him. He closed the door behind them, and pushed Marlena up against the dark grained wood. “I will never get enough of you.”

Marlena’s eyes went wide as she exclaimed, “Oh! We forgot about the children.”

“Sami’s got it for a few minutes,” he groaned, biting at her neck. “We have to shower.”

She arched against him, gasping, “I hope we do more than shower!”

Pulling her nightgown up over her hips, he pushed his hand between her legs. “This is gonna have to be fast, baby, if we’re gonna make it to the courthouse on time.” He slid his index finger along her folds, groaning, “How are you wet already?”

“It’s you,” she told him in a breathy voice. “It’s always you!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You’ll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I’ll be safe and sound

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John, Marlena, and Sami entered the courtroom promptly at 8:50 am. Lexie had agreed to watch Brady and Belle for the morning, so that Marlena could be there to support John, and to give Sami a break. Sami was only just realizing how much work children were on a long term basis. She’d woken up that morning to find Brady staring at her and Belle next to him sucking her thumb. Both of them were hungry, and their parents were sequestered in the bathroom together… again. By the time they’d emerged, she’d had Brady and Belle dressed and ready for the day, as well as herself. She’d almost laughed out loud when she realized her mother wouldn’t even look her in the eyes at breakfast. It’s not as if they could hide what they were doing. Her mom’s pregnancy was already starting to show, if you knew to look for it.

As soon as John saw Mickey, he had questions, “Do you know why a different judge was assigned to the case?”

“I’m thinking it may have something to do with the ISA’s case against Stefano for corruption. Now that he’s deceased, they may have moved forward on that, but I can’t be sure,” Mickey told him. “If they did, Judge Walker may have been removed. I can imagine every case Judge Walker has ever ruled on is about to be reevaluated or thrown out.”

“I reckon that would be a good thing, at any rate,” John said softly. “He’s probably been on Stefano’s payroll for years.”

“I think so, John,” Mickey replied quietly. He glanced at Marlena, sitting in the chair next to Sami, but directly behind John. The small curve of her pregnancy was becoming more evident, and they wouldn’t be able to hide it forever. “How is Marlena doing this morning?”

“She’s doing fine. Still tired, I think, but Mike says that the ether Kristen used, won’t have any long term effects on Marlena or the baby.” He glanced back at his wife, and saw her speaking softly to Sami. He loved her so much. He loved his family so much. Sami looked up at him, and winked, which caused Marlena to look up at him and blush. John reached for her hand, brushing his thumb across her palm quickly before turning back around. 

“That’s good. That’s good,” Mickey said softly, noticing that Peter, looking downtrodden and exhausted, had also just entered the courtroom, as the bailiff called for everyone to rise. He hoped, after everything he’d gone through the night before, that this ordeal of John’s would end.

Judge Boggs was a small, middle aged woman, with large rimmed glasses. She looked around the courtroom for a moment before she began, “I was called late last evening by the Governor, who informed me that I would be taking over this case. It’s very rare to have the governor intervene, especially in a case as high-profile as this one. I spent my night, and my early morning reviewing this case, and I find that there are some serious concerns. The first being Mr. Blake’s appointment as special prosecutor.” She turned directly to Peter, saying, “My condolences, Mr. Blake for your father’s passing. I apologize for having you in here so early while you are still grieving; however, your appointment as special prosecutor was unethical, and a direct conflict of interest. You have been removed from the case, and you may leave the courtroom.”

“Your Honor, I was appointed, because I want justice for Tony DiMera!” Peter said, rising to his feet, and trying to argue with Judge Boggs.

“You are the brother of the deceased. Your father has had a vendetta against Mr. Black for more than ten years. That is a direct conflict of interest. You never should have been appointed as special prosecutor. I already have very serious concerns about how that was even allowed. I suggest you leave my courtroom,” Judge Boggs told him. “An investigation into the matter has already been initiated.”

Marlena and Sami stared at each other in shock, as Peter gathered his things into his briefcase, and left the courtroom. Sami leaned towards her mother, whispering, “What does this mean about Poppy’s case?”

Marlena was just as confused as Sami was. She shook her head at Sami, saying, “I have no idea.”

“Another issue I have been handling regarding this case was the blatant, and willful disruption of the integrity of the possible impending ruling by Judge Walker. Stefano DiMera, now deceased, was blackmailing the Judge in this case. That judge has been removed from these proceedings as well,” Judge Boggs said with little formality. “Due to those factors, I have determined that John Black would not have received a fair trial. I have declared a mistrial in the case of The People vs. John Black.”

The courtroom erupted in gasps, followed by fervent talking, before Judge Boggs called everyone back to order. “A mistrial does not mean that the case is over. I will say it again, if the state believes there is enough evidence to proceed the charges may be brought again. I will make that determination; however, before I make that decision, I believe Mr. Horton would like to present his findings to the court for record,” she said looking at Mickey. “Please proceed.”

“Thank you, Your Honor. We have reason to believe that John Black was framed for the murder of Anthony DiMera, by none other, then Anthony Dimera, himself. Tony hated John Black. He hated him, because his wife, Kristen Blake DiMera, had left him for Mr. Black. We propose that when Tony was given his terminal diagnosis of a rare blood disorder, he decided to end his own life prematurely, and carry out the ultimate revenge, framing John Black for his murder. The evidence against Mr. Black was near perfect. Some might say it was too perfect,” Mickey said, addressing the judge. He then walked towards the table for the defense, and began to line up the evidence. Micky first placed the spring loaded box on the table. “In the sitting room where Tony was shot was a hollow box, made to look like a set of books, with bookends, inside was a spring loaded mechanism designed to hold a .45. No other weapon would fit inside. Anthony DiMera was shot by a nickel plated .45 belonging to John Black. The trigger pen for the mechanism was found on Tony’s body.” Mickey laid the pen beside the box. “Inside the fireplace was a remnant of a cotton glove, which tested positive for gunpowder residue, and Anthony DiMera’s DNA,” Mickey continued, placing a plastic bag on the table. “A burned photo of Mr. Black’s young daughter was found there as well. Ultimately, though, the most convincing piece of evidence in John Black’s defense, is the diary kept by Anthony DiMera, himself, in which he details the plan for his suicide, and how he is going to frame Mr. Black for his murder. I was able to get an expert in handwriting analysis to look at the diary last night and it was a match for Tony DiMera’s handwriting. I believe you have copies of all the forensics reports, and Anthony Dimera’s medical records, Judge Boggs?”

“I do, and I have had a chance to look them over,” she said. “Have you gotten the fingerprint report for the diary?”

“It should be arriving momentarily,” Micky tells the judge.

“As soon as I get a chance to look that report over, I’ll be able to render my decision,” Judge Boggs said. “We’ll recess until 1:00 pm.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Don’t you dare look out your window, darling

Everything’s on fire

The war outside our door keeps raging on

Hold on to this lullaby

Even when the music’s gone

Gone

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mickey finished looking over the report, and turned to John with a huge smile on his face, “This is good news, John. Very good news!” Mickey was fully expecting that the forensics report would be John’s salvation, and it was. He’d also made sure to have it verified, on rush, by three separate labs, because with DiMera’s involved, that was the best rule of thumb.

“What do you think the chances are that Judge Boggs drops the charges completely?” John asked him quietly, giving a sideways glance to Marlena and Sami talking nearby.

“The report says it’s Tony’s fingerprints, and the handwriting analysis says it’s his handwriting… John, I think this could all be over,” Mickey told him, patting him on the shoulder with another smile. “It’s not a guarantee, mind you, but it’s a possibility. I mean, this whole case has been so tampered with, who really knows what is truth and what is fabrication at this point? I think having another trial, after this debacle, would likely have you acquitted anyway, simply because this case was so corrupt. I don’t see Judge Boggs wasting taxpayer money on such a longshot.”

John was beyond relieved. They had been in Aremid for months, since before Christmas. It would only be fitting that this joke of a trial be over on April 1st. He had mentioned it to Marlena earlier, that Stefano had decided to die at midnight on April fools Day. How ironic really. Of course, John thought, depending on the judge’s ruling, the joke could be on him. Only time would tell. He stepped over to Marlena, touching her shoulder softly, and saying, “I brought something for you.”

“You did?” she asked him, gazing upon his face, her hazel eyes sparkling with happiness. The courtroom was emptying out as reporters and locals left for the recess. 

“I did,” he said, reaching into his pocket, and pulling out their wedding rings. Handing his to Marlena, and taking hers in his hand, he reached for her, placing her wedding band back on her finger where it belonged. Marlena touched her ring softly, and looked up at John with tears in her eyes.

She reached for his hand, and gently slid his ring on his finger, saying, “You’re my whole heart.”

John was transported to the day of their wedding, more than four months ago, when Marlena had told him the same thing, so he replied in kind, “You’re my whole heart, Doc.”

Their quiet moment was interrupted by Sami squealing in glee behind them. “Oh, my G-d, it was like you just got married all over again! I mean, I think it was, because I missed it, but I imagine it was just like that. That was so sweet!” Sami gushed in her normal fashion, spontaneously hugging both of her parents. “Can I call Carrie and Eric now? Oh! Can we tell Belle and Brady? They are going to be so excited. Can we tell them about the baby?”

Marlena started laughing, touching her daughter’s face gently and realizing exactly how much Sami was like her namesake, before running her palm over her ever expanding abdomen. Big blazers, and coats were not going to hide her pregnancy much longer. “I think, Sami, everyone would know soon enough. So yes, you may tell the world,” Marlena told her.

“I’ve got to go find Uncle Bo and Hope!” she said hurriedly. “Because they are here in Aremid and I’ve got to tell someone now!”

John stepped closer to his wife, threading his fingers through hers over the swell of their child, “I am in love with you, Dr. Evans. Do you do private sessions?”

Marlena shivered, imagining playing doctor with John. “That sounds like an interesting start to an evening at home. Keep that one filed away, Sailor,” Marlena said, pulling his mouth to hers, while kissing him softly. “Because this doctor is definitely willing to schedule you an appointment.”

“Really? A little doctor fantasy, huh? Is a couch involved?” he whispered in her ear, as she took his hand to walk out of the courthouse.

Leaning over to whisper, so that only John could hear, Marlena told him, “Definitely a couch… and maybe… a desk.” John moaned roughly in the back of his throat, as Marlena laughed again. He followed her out of the courtroom.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You’ll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You’ll and I’ll be safe and sound…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John and Marlena stepped out of the courthouse doors into the blinding early morning sunlight. It was exceedingly bright, making it hard for their eyes to adjust, due to the glare off of the thin layer of snow that had fallen the night before. Family, friends, and locals milled about discussing the newest developments in the case. John found Mickey and told him, “I think Doc and I are going to go rest a little bit more, since we didn’t get much sleep last night. If anything comes up, I’ll be in our room at the pub.”

“That’s fine,” Mickey said, trying to hold back his own yawn. He’d actually been up the whole night before, and gotten no sleep, in his frantic attempt to get all of the evidence, and reports together for Judge Boggs. A rest might do him some good, as well. “I might do the same,” he said.

Deputy Helms and John both saw sudden movement, off to the side of the crowd, before anyone else. A body moving towards Marlena at a rapid pace as the sun glinted off the silver barrel of a gun drawn to fire. John didn’t have time to process who it was, or who the target was. Instead he moved on instinct, without any thought but Marlena and Sami. Throwing his body in front of his wife and daughter, he pushed them into Mickey, while almost simultaneously a bullet ripped through his body. John lay on the ground bleeding into the snow, while Marlena crawled towards him screaming for help. Deputy Helms shot the assailant, Kristen DiMera, straight through the heart.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just close your eyes

You’ll be alright

Come morning light

You and I’ll be safe and sound…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: Safe & Sound (Taylor’s Version) – Taylor Swift

Chapter 23 – 99 Years

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Boy meets girl, and the world stops turnin’

She makes him forget all the rules he was learnin’

They give a toast to the one who never stops hopin’

There’s not much to lean on, eyes wide open

And they look up high and wonder what the future’s gonna hold

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John found himself standing on Pier 29 unsure of how he’d gotten there. The sound of the buoys clanged, and the bells on the fishing vessels competed with the sounds of the lapping river water against the pilings. The smell was familiar, the river and fish. The smell was like coming home for John. When his life began, or what he remembered of its beginning, the pier had been his comfort, and the smells of the riverbank brought it all back. This was also the place where Marlena returned to him after being gone for five years, and the place where he told her, once again, that he loved her, after Isabella’s death. It was different though. The fog that surrounded him was white, but behind it there seemed to be the brightest light, and he didn’t understand it. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then he heard footsteps behind him. 

As he thought about Marlena, it was Isabella’s voice he heard somewhere behind him, “Sometimes when you were upset or frustrated, I knew I could come down here, and find you. It was always the place you went when you were feeling introspective, but it’s also special to you for another reason. I understand that now. I didn’t then.”

John froze at the sound of her voice. He hadn’t heard it in so long, and yet he recognized it immediately. A voice he hadn’t heard since Marlena’s possession, when the devil had tried to trick him. Was this a trick as well? He turned slowly, watching her come closer. “Izzy-B?”

“Hello, John,” she said softly, gazing up at him. She smiled, “How are you?”

John continued to stare at her in awe. There was a soft glow to her that seemed unexplainable, as if it came from within. Glancing around, panic started to rise. He asked her, “Am I dead? Please tell me I’m not dead.”

“No, you’re alive, although you have a long fight ahead of you,” she said. She stared out at the water as it lapped against the pilings and John noted the water glowed a soft turquoise blue. The location was familiar, and unfamiliar at the same time. 

“Why am I here?” he said looking around. He was growing increasingly nervous. He thought of his hands running over her abdomen, and the child growing within her. He needed to get back to her. “Marlena must be so scared.”

“You need to rest. Reflect. Contemplate,” Isabella said with a small smile. She reached for his hand, leading him towards a bench that wasn’t there only moments before. “Come, let’s sit. This pier is very special to you.”

“This pier…” John started to speak, but his voice choked with emotion. He sat on the bench next to Isabella, staring out across the water. He didn’t understand any of what was happening. “This pier is everything… when I first came to Salem as the Pawn, I had no idea who I was, or even where I came from. The feeling inside me was one of complete loss, but I didn’t know what I’d lost. The sounds of the water would draw me in. But it wasn’t just the water, it was the bustling sounds of cranes moving to and fro, and crates being lifted. The sounds of the buoys… the shouts of people working.”

Isabella was silent for a long time, and then she placed her hand on his arm. “There are other reasons that this pier is important, John.”

“Yes,” was all he said in response, still gazing upon the river. In their life together, after Marlena’s return, he’d rarely spoken to Isabella about his life with Marlena. She would get a sadness in her eyes, and he’d never wanted to hurt her. Instead it became something he kept to himself. A secret life that often left him aching for something just out of reach. 

“Tell me about Marlena,” she said.

“Why?” he wanted to know. Why was he there? Why was she asking him about something that in life they’d both rarely acknowledged… his love for Marlena. “I’m confused.”

“You don’t want to hurt me. I understand,” she said softly, “but John, I already know. Talking about her… this is for you.”

He still didn’t understand, but words started to fall from his lips. “When I was the Pawn, and later when I was John Black, I would sometimes come here with her, or run into her here. Her smile was amazing. It was a light when everything inside me felt so dark. I didn’t deserve her, or at least I felt like I didn’t, but I was drawn to her. I would watch her sometimes, and it was as if everything was new to her, and I loved that. Everything was new to me, but it scared the hell out of me. With Marlena, she wasn’t afraid of anything. She was a light, and it reflected in her eyes, in the the sound of her laughter overlaid with the slapping of the waves against the wharf, and the way the smell of the river would mix with her perfume… it all created this perfect… I don’t know, but it was perfect…” he said with his voice trailing off.

“You know she loved you then,” Isabella told him.

John turned to look at her slowly, unsure of what she meant. When they were in Gauley Valley, she feared him. She didn’t love him. Perhaps if Stefano hadn’t marked his ownership over him, Marlena and he might have had a chance to fall in love without the shadow of Roman Brady hanging over them. 

“She loved you when you were John Black,” Isabella clarified.

“No. She loved me when she learned I was Roman, she loves me now, as John Black, but…” John didn’t finish his sentence, because he wasn’t sure what he was getting at. Maybe it was because he’d always felt that she didn’t open her heart to him, until she thought he was Roman. He’d wanted her to, so badly. In the cave in Gauley Valley it had nearly broken his heart when he begged her to allow him to hold her. She feared him then. That was not love.

“When you were John Black… she loved you. She’s loved you almost from the beginning,” Isabella said. “She’s even loved you since the end.”

He looked at her curiously, “The end?”

“Do you remember your final goodbye? In the chapel at the hospital?” Isabella asked him. “When she was pregnant with your daughter.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Will we look back down on 99 years of a wonderful life?

Where we laughed till we cried

And our love grew stronger with every fight

There’ll be a thousand moments for you to say I told you

And a million more for us to say I love you

So let’s look forward to you and I lookin’ back

At 99 years like that

At 99 years like that

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John’s heart lay scattered in pieces across the dark loneliness of his soul as he rubbed his hands together and told Marlena, “I’m glad for both of you.”

She stared at him for a moment, and then said softly, in an emotion laden voice, “I know you are. I don’t think there is a man on the planet with your generosity.”

He cleared his throat, “It had nothing to do with being generous.” And it didn’t. He was selfish. He’d wanted Marlena’s baby to be his so that he might have something solid that would justify his continuing to fight for her. “It’s the best thing for you and the baby–”

“ –you are a kind, and wonderful, and passionate man,” she told him. “And you deserve to have a woman that can return that to you. Someone that can complete your family… I can’t do that. I can’t do that now.”

“I know,” he said roughly. “And I understand your commitment to Roman, and I respect that… and I do want you to be happy… I really do.”

“I know,” she whispered.

John watched the light in her eyes change as they filled with tears. She gasped softly as if she couldn’t breathe and then she stood up abruptly, turning to walk away, but he couldn’t let her go just yet. “Doc! If there’s ever anything I can do… for you… or for the baby–”

“ –there is something you can do,” she said, turning to face him.

“Name it,” he said with a false smile.

“It’s the reason that I asked you to come to the chapel,” she told him. “I want you to make a solemn promise that you will forget me. Forget what we had between us… forget what we meant to each other.”

“Doc, I–”

“ –I know we’ve said that a thousand times to each other. I know we have. I know after we made love on the plane… we promised then, and we broke that promise. We can’t do that again. It has to stop right here. The next time we meet, it has to be as friends. Not two people who love each other, and were lovers… and if we can’t do that, then we can’t meet again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

They built a house of love in the face of worry

But life has a way of rewriting the story (Yeah, the story)

There were times when it looked like nothing could save them

There were times when it looked like nothing could break them

They keep promising each other what the future’s gonna hold

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Yes… it… hurt. G-d, it hurt so bad. I’d lost so much, and then to lose her too… and a baby I wanted so badly to be mine,” John said with silent tears falling from his eyes. “A baby that was mine.”

“She’s never stopped loving you,” she told him softly.

“What?” John scoffed. “That promise she wrenched from you that day, that was how she protected herself from her own weaknesses. Her love for you would have kept her coming back to you. That day, Marlena put the responsibility for keeping the two of you apart… on you, because she didn’t have the strength to do it herself.”

“No–”

“ –I’m not judging her. I can’t. I’m past human emotions like anger and jealousy. This is for you, John. Don’t you see?” She smiled at him, “Marlena begged you that day to make a promise to her. A promise that she wouldn’t be able to keep herself. Not without your strength. She has never stopped loving you. Never, because you are soul mates.”

“Soul mates?” he asked her. “Then what were we, Isabella?”

“I never lacked for love when I was with you John, don’t ever doubt that, but a soul mate… well that is a bond that is wholly different. How did you feel when you met her?”

“I couldn’t get her off of my mind. The sound of her voice, the gaze of her eyes, the feel of her fingers brushing across mine. I thought I was going crazy. My memory consisted of a few weeks of life experience, and I thought maybe I was obsessed,” he told her, uncomfortable, because he’d never talked about Marlena with Isabella.

“You were drawn to her in a way that was almost spiritual,” Isabella told him. “You didn’t understand it. That doesn’t mean you loved me less. Did you ever wonder why she never dated after Roman divorced her?”

John sat there, quietly for a moment, thinking about what Isabella said. Marlena had been alone since the truth came out about Belle’s paternity. She had been alone for years. Why had it never occurred to him? When Abe had mentioned it, that was the first time that John had seriously contemplated why. Did he expect her to stay unconnected? How would he have reacted if she had moved on with someone else? “I never thought about it. Maybe I still considered her mine, because the thought of her with someone else destroys me,” he whispered.

“The thought of being with anyone besides you, destroys her,” Isabella whispered. “So she’d rather be alone.”

“It hurt her, didn’t it?” he asked softly. “Watching me move on with you… with Kristen…”

“It did, but she continued to love you. She loved you so much that she would suffer to see you happy,” Isabella said. “In my time on Earth, I wasn’t so gracious.” 

John was immediately hit with a memory that didn’t belong to him. A memory that belonged to Isabella. Isabella arguing with Marlena, and telling her to let John go.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Will we look back down on 99 years of a wonderful life?

Where we laughed till we cried

And our love grew stronger with every fight

There’ll be a thousand moments for you to say I told you

And a million more for us to say I love you

So let’s look forward to you and I lookin’ back

To 99 years

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Isabella stood across from Marlena, staring at her in anger, and said, “You’re very good at playing innocent, but then, I guess you’ve had a lot of practice haven’t you?”

“Look, either say what’s going on, or you can stand here, and talk to yourself,” Marlena told her.

“Or what? You’re going to walk away? That’s your style isn’t it? You disappear, and then you come back, and act as if your hands aren’t dirty,” Isabella said in a haughty way, insinuating that Marlena’s disappearance for five years was of her own making.

“I’m not going to stand here, and be insulted by you. If you have a point, it’s time to make it,” Marlena replied, preparing to turn around, and walk away from the conversation.

Isabella stepped closer to Marlena, “You’re leading John on. I want you to leave him alone.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s right. Your husband is back. You don’t need John as well…” Isabella said.

John sat for a moment, in silence. “You made it sound like her being gone for five years was her fault. It wasn’t. That must have hurt her so much for you to say that,” John told her softly.

“It did. She loved you, and she couldn’t let you go. I didn’t understand at the time exactly how much she loved you,” she said, “but I’m on a different plane now. I see things as they are… as they were. As soon as I died, your souls drifted back to each other, because you’re soul mates. Watching you with me, it broke her heart every time, but she loved you like no other, and your happiness became her happiness. Just as your sadness is also her sadness.”

John looked around, soaking in the peace of the setting one last time, “I can’t stay here. I need to go back.”

Isabella reached out, touching his face softly, as she stared at him for another moment, “Tell her she’s an amazing mother to my son. This is your second chance, John. Love her the way she’s been waiting to be loved…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Of nothing unspoken (Nothing unspoken)

Live everyday hopin’ (Everyday hopin’)

That when we feel broken

Our scars make us golden

Is to choose, choose, you and I

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John heard the slow beeping of machines, and the humming of the central ventilation system. It was suddenly bright, even though his eyes were closed. He was momentarily confused… until he remembered. Kristen. He’d been shot. He felt the pain lance across his chest as he shifted in the bed with a soft moan of pain. Where was Marlena? His heart rate picked up as panic began to take over, and the machines attached to his body responded in kind. His eyes flew open, and darted around the room frantically trying to figure out where he was. The hospital. He was in a hospital room.

He started to calm as the door to his room opened slowly, revealing Marlena, speaking in soft tones, distracted by a conversation with Sami as she entered his room. John thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Before she had the chance to notice he was awake, he said softly, “Hey, Doc.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Will we look back down on 99 years of a wonderful life?

Where we laughed till we cried

And our love was stronger with every fight

There’ll be moments for you to say I told you

And a million more for us to say I love you

So let’s look forward to you and I lookin’ back

At 99 years like that

Oh, 99 years like that

Oh-oh, 99 years like that

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: 99 Years – John Groban duet with Jennifer Nettles

Chapter 24 – It’s Never Too Late

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Say it now while you can, whisper low, hold my hand

It’s never too late to say “I love you”

I know it’s true, I broke your heart

But I love you too much to part

It’s never too late to say “I love you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John had been in a medically induced coma for almost two months following surgery to repair his heart, after being shot in the chest. During that time, Marlena had him transferred to the hospital in Salem. She’d taken a sabbatical from her practice to focus solely on the children, Sami and John. She would tell him later that he’d barely survived. Had the bullet been any larger, he most certainly would have died. As it stood, Kristen had used a small pistol. The kind usually used by trained assassins, but being a DiMera, that wouldn’t have been hard to obtain. 

As soon as she heard his voice, the widest smile came over Marlena’s face. “Sami, go get Doctor Horton!” she cried.

Sami was days away from her due date, so she scurried from the room awkwardly intent on finding Mike and dragging him back to John’s room if she had to. While her mother had been devoted to her, her siblings, and John, she had been devoted to finishing high school. She’d gotten her GED in record time, which Marlena was very proud of. Sami had decided to attend Salem University in the fall, and Lucas had decided to transfer there as well. He’d finished his freshman year in Michigan and immediately came home. They intended to raise their children together, although they hadn’t decided where their own personal relationship sat. They had time to figure that out. 

Judge Boggs had decided that the evidence collected by Shane, Abe, and Mickey was sufficient enough to create reasonable doubt, and dropped all charges. John was a free man.

Marlena had spent most of her free time by his side almost constantly. Everyone around her made sure that she rested, ate regularly, and took shifts sitting with him to ensure she took care of herself. They sat with him, talking, singing, or just touching him, so that he knew someone was always there. Marlena believed that it was important to John’s recovery to know that he was cherished, and cared for, and while John had no recollection of any of the time he was in a coma, he was very humbled to later learn how loved he was.

Marlena rushed forward with tears in her eyes. Breathlessly, she gasped, “John! Oh, John!”

“Hey pretty lady,” he said in a rough voice.

“You must be so thirsty. Let me get you some water–”

“ –no. Just let me look at your face for a moment.” He reached up, stroking his fingers across her soft skin. “I just want to see those beautiful hazel eyes.”

Sami pushed the door to John’s hospital room open with a loud thud, crying out, “I found him!”

Mike Horton followed closely behind her, “I hear Sleeping Beauty has awoken.”

“Something like that,” John chuckled softly. “How long was I out for?”

Mike glanced at John’s chart, “Fifty-six days to be exact. Welcome back to the land of the living. You had us all worried for a while.”

“What happened? All I remember is Kristen running towards Doc with a gun in her hand.” He glanced at his wife and squeezed her hand. “I pushed Doc and Sami out of the way…”

“You saved us,” Sami told him. “You pushed us into Mickey, and the bullet hit you.”

“The bullet entered your chest.” Mike took a deep breath. “I did emergency surgery in the medical clinic in Aremid. You wouldn’t have survived if I hadn’t. The bullet nicked your artery, and then you fell into a coma.”

“So many people in Aremid donated blood for you,” Marlena said softly. “Even Peter Blake donated since he’s the same blood type.”

John reached his hand out, curving it over the child tucked away safely in Marlena’s abdomen. “Fifty-six days,” he whispered. “How is the baby?”

“He’s fine,” she replied quietly, placing her hand on top of his.

“A boy?” he asked in awe.

“Yes,” she whispered. 

John had so much he wanted to say to her, but it wasn’t meant for an audience. He reached for her hand, squeezing it, and then he looked at Sami, “How are you, Peanut?”

Sami glanced down at her own massive baby bump, mumbling, “Ready to be done with this.”

He couldn’t help smiling, “It’s about that time, isn’t it?”

“Dr. Bader said twins usually come early, so I was expecting to have them weeks ago, but they seem to be rather comfortable in here.” She laughed, “I’ve been walking, and eating spicy foods. Nothing is working.”

“She’s scheduled for induction the day after tomorrow.” Marlena reached out, touching Sami’s rounded belly gently. “Then we’ll get to meet these two little boys.”

“Do you have names picked out?” John asked. He glanced around Mike to see Sami as Mike checked his blood pressure.

“We do… but we’re keeping them a secret for now.” Sami hadn’t told anyone that she and Lucas were naming their sons after their fathers. Her twins would be named John Augustus and William Thomas Horton. 

“A secret, huh?” John smiled. “I can appreciate a good secret.” He glanced around, “When do I get some food?”

“Food?” Marlena exclaimed. If John was awake, alert, and asking for food, then maybe they really were past the hardest part. The baby gave a rough kick, and she placed her hand on her stomach with a soft gasp. “Oh!”

John’s eyes followed her hand. His baby. Their baby. They were safe now, and Stefano Dimera was dead. He and Marlena would finally have the chance to live their life together without the DiMera curse hanging over their heads. They could buy a home, and possibly get a dog. Maybe a cat. He wanted it all, and he wanted it with Marlena. He watched Mike close his chart, and he asked, “So, when do I get my release papers?”

“Not yet,” Mike told him. “I want to keep you here for a few more days for observation.”

“John shifted his body, making space for Marlena. Patting the empty space beside him, he said, “I guess you’ll have to stick around to spoil me.”

She climbed in next to him, kicking her shoes to the floor with a smile. “That shouldn’t be too hard.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Everywhere I go, everyone I know tells me you’re still in love

So if they are right, please tell me tonight

You’ll always be my only love

Say it now while you can, whisper low, hold my hand

It’s never too late to say “I love you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami watched them, still in awe of the fact that only a year ago she’d convinced herself that she hated them both. She didn’t. She loved the two of them more than she could ever put into words. She closed her eyes just as a strong cramp pulled the muscles of her abdomen. She gasped in surprise, gripping her abdomen with both hands. Her eyes went wide when she felt a pop, followed by the slow trickle of warm fluid down her inner thighs. Looking at the floor and then at her mother, she gasped, “Oh, no! The babies!”

She underwent a cesarean section less than two hours later because one of the twins was breech, deciding at the last moment to turn sideways. Lucas and Marlena were both with her as Will and Johnny greeted the world with loud wails as they took their first breaths. Sami cried when her babies were placed on her chest, and she stared up at her mother with so much love in her eyes, whispering, “Thank you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Everywhere I go, everyone I know tells me you’re still in love

So if they are right, please tell me tonight

You’ll always be my only love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Two and a half months later Marlena and John welcomed Michael Abraham Black into their family. He was named after Abe and Mickey. They’d given a lot of thought to the name, and they felt that neither one of them would have gotten out of Aremid whole without the love, faith and support of those two people. Michael looked exactly like John with ocean blue eyes and raven hair. Where Sami’s twins had come into the world with cries, Michael entered the world with wide eyes and the wisdom of ages.

They’d been in their new home barely a week before Marlena went into labor. The house on the other side of Alice Horton had been put up for sale. John had always admired the home. He converted the space over the garage into an apartment for Sami. Bringing Michael to their new home brought peace to John’s soul. A new home for his family. A place to make memories.

John stood in the doorway of Michael’s nursery watching as Marlena rocked their son in her arms as she fed him. Her eyes were closed, and her head rested against the back of the chair. Michael guzzled from her breast greedily, his contented sounds filling the otherwise silent room.

John crossed the room on bare, silent feet and reached out, touching Marlena’s cheek softly. She opened her eyes staring up at him, and he could swear he felt his heart skip. “Hey, beautiful,” he whispered. He knelt down, “I changed the sheets in Michael’s crib, and I started a load of laundry.”

“He’s clean, dry, and almost fed,” she said quietly.

“As soon as you’re done, I’ll put him back to bed.” He watched his son feed from her breast. The life he had was everything he’d ever wanted. “Then you can get a few more hours of sleep before Belle and Brady wake us up.”

“We both need sleep,” she said softly.

“And I’ll get some, right after I put Michael to bed. Then I’ll walk into our bedroom, and I’ll slip into our warm bed and wrap myself around you.” He leaned forward, tracing his thumb over her chin. “You can warm the bed, and I can get Michael to sleep.”

She looked down at her sleepy son. His eyes were drooping and his pouty lips had pulled off of her nipple, even as he continued to make sucking motions. Smiling at John, she said, “I can do that.”

“I love you.” He kissed her forehead and then stood up, watching as she readjusted her nightgown. Reaching for her, he held out his hand.

She took it. “I can’t believe we’re doing this. I can’t believe we’re starting over again. You… and me… I never thought…”

John touched her face lightly with his fingertips, kissing her softly on the lips as he whispered to her, “It’s never too late.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Say it now while you can, whisper low, hold my hand

It’s never too late to say “I love you.”

I love you, oh yes, I love you, I said that I love you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SONG: It’s Never Too Late – Brenda Lee