In The Air Tonight – By Unknown Author

I can feel it coming in the air tonight……
Oh Lord……

It was half past midnight and pitch black, a nearly moonless sky overhead as they arrived at the appointed rendezvous site on what ordinarily would be considered a tropical paradise, the hot summer breeze creating a smoldering angry mood. Bo and Abe stood back not knowing quite what to do to help their closest friend deal with his seemingly never ending history of pain and loss. 

I’ve been waiting for this moment, all my life
Oh, Lord…

It was eerie, for he was in many ways a different man than the one they’d known for so long now. He was tense, edgy, and full of pent up rage that was just begging to be expressed. He’d as much as told them he believed he had nothing more to lose and he seemed hell bent on an intense confrontation with his malevolent creator Stefano DiMera. They exchanged worried glances, fearing what the long dark night might bring….

Can you feel it coming in the air tonight…

Finally, Abe broke the silence, asking as he watched John pace the length of the mostly empty hanger yet again, “Bo… tell me truth…. you’ve spent a lot more time with him lately than I have, can he handle this? Or should we…”

Having asked himself the same question, Bo interrupted and finished when his partner paused, “Should we try to get him out of here… with what army Abe?” Bo asked, looking and pointing over at John, who stood still for the moment staring out into the darkness, his fists clenched tightly at his sides, as if that action would allow him to contain the powerful surges of frustrated anger that coursed through every fiber of his being. He was lean and taut now, as fit as a man at forty five ever had a right to be.. in better shape than most men half his age, Bo guessed. Every muscle was tensed, poised for a violent encounter, much like an animal stalking its prey, a rush of powerful adrenaline flowing steadily as it moved in close preparing for the kill.

Oh Lord……

“Yes…. I guess you’re right…..so, how are we going to keep him from tearing Stefano apart?”

He was on the move again, unable to stay in one place for more than a moment or two, his body screaming for a physical release of the raw emotions that were building inside him. Losing Marlena had driven him very close to the edge of a dangerous precipice.

Oh, Lord……….

“I don’t know… he’s wound up as tight as I’ve ever seen him,” Bo said, stealing a quick look John’s way. “It’s.. strange isn’t it?” 

Glancing toward his friend, Abe nodded, realizing that he was seeing something he’d never seen before. There was an odd sense he had about John’s emotional state, as if there were not even a hint of remorse for the unyielding desire to see another human being perish. After contemplating the situation for a long minute, Abe shared his thoughts on the matter, “I always knew he hated DiMera but, somehow…it’s different this time… I can’t really explain it.”

Bo only nodded and sighed worriedly at first, having harbored some of the same concerns. “You don’t know the half of it, Abe…. You should have seen his hotel room this morning…” he finished, shaking his head as the images of massive destruction played in his mind, as they had periodically all day long.

Abe guessed at what Bo meant, “Trashed..?” he asked, wondering just how far John might go. His anger had been increasing over the past several weeks, especially since he’d been on his own again, without much hope for a reconciliation with the woman he loved.

Reviewing the scene in his mind, Bo sighed worriedly and said, “That’d be putting it mildly, Abe… try completely demolished…. He paid the guy $5,000 in cash for the damages..”

“Oh boy.. I don’t like the sound of that….. Bo, I’ve seen him angry before… even enraged, but I’ve never seen him like this… so..out of control… so…wild…. It scares me…”

“You and me both, partner… He’s so…unpredictable.. and his eyes are… ice cold… Abe, I don’t know if…. well, I wonder if we’ll ever get him back when this is over.”

Remembering the last real conversation he’d had with his best friend, Abe sighed again, the expression of seething anger combined with profound sadness John’s face bore, appearing in his mind’s eye…. “I know.. I’ve been wondering the same thing, Bo… Losing Marlena after what happened with… Gina… it broke him.. in a way I hoped I’d never see. He’s totally devastated by it.”

Bo too recalled some of their conversations about it… “Yea… it’s like something finally snapped inside him…. I’ve tried everything I could think of… so have Mom and Pop and the kids… even Sami and Eric have tried… Carrie too…” Shaking his head again, Bo took a look at John again…He’d built a fortress around his heart… a fortress of murderous rage thinly veiled by biting sarcasm and bitter self reproach, “…but he’s been unreachable… I’m scared for him too.”

A heavy sigh escaped as Abe watched John pacing, checking his watch repeatedly…as if his own life depended on it.. “If only we could get her to talk to him….give him another chance….”

Bo blew out a long breath as well as he replied sadly, “Somehow, I don’t think that’s an option, Abe… She just can’t get past it…. God knows it was hard enough for me… but the baby… that was more she could take…. I’ve talked with her a few times… and even after the miscarriage… she just never seemed to be able to get that image out of her head. I’m sorry to say it, but I think it’s over for good as far as Marlena’s concerned.”

Abe hated what had happened and a part of him still couldn’t believe it was real, kept thinking there was some way to get the couple back together… “Damn…. I knew she was hurt, but I really thought they were going to make it… Well, at least you and Hope did.. so it’s not a total loss. I just feel so bad for both of them. They were SO happy..” There were tears of empathy forming behind his eyes, for they’d fought too hard to lose it now… There just had to be a way!’ he was thinking as Bo replied, snapping him back to reality.

“So do I… it just isn’t fair, Abe…. after everything they went through just to make to the wedding…. to have it fall apart now… It just… blew him away, Abe… and I don’t think he’ll ever be the same without her… especially since he knows everything he did for that sick bastard. Without her support… I just… I don’t know how he’ll ever get past it.”

Well, if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand….

Abe was nodding as it suddenly occurred that he should make absolutely certain about one of his concerns, “Bo…I know we talked about it before, but are you *sure* he doesn’t have a gun?”

“Positive, Abe… I’ve been with him almost every minute since before we left Salem… and after we got here too…if he goes after DiMera, it’s going to be with his bare hands…”

“At this point, I’d be willing to bet they’re as lethal as any weapon we’ve ever seen.” 

“Yea…from what Hope has told me… he can snap a man’s neck in less than a second… She said that in his current state of mind… if John gets within ten feet of Stefano… the man’s dead, Abe.”

Their speculative conversation was interrupted by the irritated voice of the man in question… “Damn…. WHERE is he? I thought you said he was supposed to be here by now…. So, where the *HELL* is he?” John yelled at them from about ten yard’s distance. “I don’t think I can handle waiting much longer.”

As John approached them looking like a spring getting ready to uncoil, Abe answered calmly, but made his position clear, “He’ll be here, John…. and we *will* take him down… but, I’m telling you something right now… if you go after him… my men are going to haul you away too, John… I’m not kidding…”

John laughed derisively, “Ha… you think I care one damn bit about what happens to *me* now? You forget, I have nothing left to lose, Abe…” he said with a chilling grin.

I’ve seen your face before my friend….

Abe was incredulous and reminded his friend of his obligations, “Yes you do! You have children to raise, children who need you as their father.”

He laughed to hide the pain this time, saying sarcastically, “Yea, right… my children…the ones I get to see every other weekend… and one night during the week, if I’m lucky… Somehow, I don’t think they’ll miss me much…. they’ve got Uncle Roman…and let’s not forget you Bo, and then there’s big brother Eric.”

The bitterness was hard to swallow…. It was understandable to some degree, and Abe and Bo felt for him, but had to make him accept reality. Taking his best friend by the shoulders, Abe spoke with a firm warning, “John…. I’m sorry…. I know how much you’re hurting right now, and that you blame Stefano for that pain, but I’m not going to let you go at him… do you understand me?”

“Yea… I hear ya…” he responded in a noncommittal whisper while tugging out of Abe’s grasp and taking a step or two toward the hanger door, not willing to meet his friend’s gaze again. A part of him did care, but he couldn’t let that part have a voice, not now when he was so close to payback time for DiMera, his tormentor, the creator and destroyer of lives. Nothing could stop him from achieving his goal where that sick bastard was concerned, not even the two men who had been his best friends in at least one of those lives.

Abe wasn’t backing down and he gave an even stronger warning, “John, if they have to shoot you, they will. I don’t want it to come to that…. but it will if you try to play judge, jury, and executioner….”

But I don’t know if you know who I am……

John chuckled at the thought and then spoke of himself in derogatory terms, smiling sardonically, “Good, then maybe we’ll both go down at the same time…you know… rid the world of Frankenstein and his evil creation in one fell swoop… That way at least the monster can die with a smile on his face.”

That was enough.. Abe took his friend’s arm again, imploring him to believe in something… such as himself, “John….. Stop it… it’s not like that… YOU are a real person… his hold on you is finished… and you have a *life* to live…”

Again, John ripped himself away from the friend who only wanted to help. But there was no help for him now… his lifeline had been taken away AGAIN. Just when he thought he’d made it safely into shore, the cord was cut and he was left adrift in stormy seas…. Shaking his head, he yelled with vehemence, “No I don’t! My *life* is OVER, Abe!! She left me… because of HIM!! So, I’m telling YOU!” he shouted, pointing at his buddy’s chest. “I’ve waited for this moment for as long as I can remember….”

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord………

He stopped, thinking back to some newly recovered memories of that other life, the one he now loathed but couldn’t ignore nor forget. Through ragged breaths, he managed to express his fury and state his intentions quite clearly, “No, for *longer* than I can really remember because he stole my *fucking* life from me! And, because of what he did to me and Hope, I just lost the BEST thing that ever happened to me in my miserable excuse for an existence on this planet… So, yea… I’m going to kill him or die trying, I don’t really care which, Abraham… and there is NOTHING and no one on this earth who can stop me!!” He softened slightly and pleaded for his friends not to interfere… “Please… don’t get in my way….. I’ll do what I have to do to get to him, Abe… including go through you and Bo.”

I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life

Oh Lord…….

It was Bo’s turn to try and break through the wall of anger the man he loved as a brother was using to protect his wounded heart, “John….listen to yourself….this isn’t like you. I know you’re in a lot of pain right now.. but I know you, I know the man you are inside. You can’t just kill in cold blood….”

“Oh, can’t I? Well, you haven’t been inside this screwed up head of mine… I *can* kill like that and I have… I killed dozens for him…. all those missions he sent me on…. I wasted them like they were nothing. I stabbed em, beat em to death, broke their necks…. shot em…. anything you can imagine… I’ve done it, without thinking twice, little brother.”

Oh Lord…..

Bo and Abe looked at each other again, and then Abe kept at it, challenging his buddy, “In another life, John…. a life he controlled… In your heart, you know you’re not really like that..”

“Aren’t I? How do you *know* that Abe? Cause I sure as hell don’t! Guess Bo didn’t tell you about the room, huh?” he asked with a slight chuckle.

Well, I was there and I saw what you did

I saw it with my own two eyes……

No sense in denying it… “Yes he did… but that doesn’t mean anything, John… Destroying *things* is a lot different than killing people… I don’t think you have it in you to commit premeditated murder, even when it comes to an evil bastard like Stefano DiMera.”

The smile on John’s face was eerie in its air of wicked satisfaction… “Watch me, partner… you just watch me… I’ve waited for this for a long time.. Besides, I’m gonna save the American taxpayers a helluva lot of money tonight.”

So you just wipe off that grin
I know where you’ve been

It’s all been a pack of lies………

There was nothing more to be said… John would not be convinced, so Abe let it go, realizing that observing John closely was the best he could do. He made some waving gestures and several of his men came rushing toward him. After giving them instructions about how to handle the arrest of the international fugitive, Abe Carver prayed that God would watch over them all. 

Not having been paying attention to what Abe was saying to his men, Bo, lamented what he had just seen and heard from the man he loved as a second big brother, “Damn, Abe… I almost think he wants to die… he really doesn’t care what happens to him anymore.” Sighing heavily.. Bo added, “Oh, I wish that Marlena would…” he started to say and then abandoned the thought process, knowing it was futile. Marlena was in Colorado with the children, visiting her parents.

Abe’s sigh matched his partner’s as he replied sadly, “Me too… but she can’t be here. I think you’re right though… she’s probably the only person who could stop him. Fortunately, I have a foolproof plan to save him from himself,” Abe said, sounding resigned more than hopeful.

Bo’s eyes opened wide with surprise, “A plan… well why the heck didn’t you tell me? What is it, Abe? How are you going to stop him?”

“Well, first of all, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want John to have a clue about it and to answer your other question, I’m going to do it with one of these,” he said, holding up a small cylindrical item. “I can’t take the credit for the idea though… I owe that to your brother Roman and…an old friend of ours.”

“Old friend?” Bo questioned, as a puzzled expression crossed his face. He wasn’t quite certain what it was that Abe had in his hands…. Just as he was about to inquire further, they were startled to hear John speak again.

“Alright… he’s on his way…. I can feel it.” John breathed deeply the sweet night air… savoring the moment, feeling a rush of excited anticipation. He then said with deceptive calmness, “DiMera’s nearby and he’s about to meet his maker…then he’s going straight to hell… I can hardly wait.”

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight…..

 I can feel it coming in the air tonight…

Oh, Lord……..

The heat lightning over the horizon illuminated the small twin engine plan for a moment or two, casting an eerie glow as it approached the runway for a landing. The dark figure for whom John was waiting was clearly visible for but an instant, then he vanished into the oppressive blackness again. It was symbolic of their entire history, the evil gamemaster coming in and out of his life, bringing only pain, leaving him there to suffer like the lone surviving soldier in the aftemath of heavy casualties. Not this time… no, on this dark night so fittingly chosen for the inevitable confrontation between the evil taskmaster and his progeny, Stefano DiMera would not slip out of their grasp and disappear under the cover of darkness.

Realizing they were swiftly running out of time, Abe finished his explanation to Bo quickly, hushing his voice so their friend couldn’t overhear them, “John, he gave me the idea… when he told me what happened.. with Gina… don’t tell me you don’t remember that?”

Bo nodded as it finally dawned on him what the object in Abe’s hand was.

“Oh.. I get it… a tranquilizer… You mean?” he asked, looking around at the men Abe had in position for the ambush, admiring his boss in a whole new way for having come up with something so clever.

Abe smiled in spite of the tension of the moment, “Yep, two of my men are armed with high powered tranquilizer guns… If John goes for Stefano, they’re going to shoot him with one of these babies and it’s lights out for our friend. He goes to sleep for awhile, and a few hours later he wakes up *after* we’ve arrested DiMera and begun the extradition process, no harm done.”

“Ooh, Abe…. He’s gonna be SO pissed at us….” Bo said, imagining the moment in which John awakened to find that he’d missed all the action. In his current emotional state, it wouldn’t be pretty.

That had long since been thought through and the decision made, no matter the consequence. Abe nodded deliberately, not able to stop himself from smiling at the image his mind conjured up. “Yes, he will, but what matters most is that he’ll be alive, Bo. I don’t care how angry he gets…… I’m willing to lose the friendship to save him. He’s not thinking straight right now and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him die…or even go to jail for the likes of that heartless Bastard! John’s already lost so much… he’s *not* going to lose his life, or his freedom.”

Oh, Lord…….

The more Bo thought about it, the better it sounded. John was wired to the max… that much was clear; there would be no more reasoning with him. He was well past that point. “Great plan, Abe… I was gettin’ worried there for a minute… If Marlena can’t be here… this is the next best thing. He’ll cool off.. eventually.”

“Yes… but I don’t think he’ll ever really let it go… do you?” asked Abe, not needing an answer.

“No… not unless… ”

And I’ve been waiting for this moment… all my life
Oh, Lord Oh Lord….

The conversation was cut short as the sounds of an engine slowing and a plane preparing to touch down were heard, ending the quiet solitude of the night…. It was fitting…an angry crack of thunder setting the tone for the tense uncertainty of what lay ahead for all of them. Maybe the heavens were making their voices heard.. Stefano was about to face “Judgement Day,” if John had anything to say about it, that is.

Well I remember………

John was standing by the hanger door…. waiting, not so patiently, taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly. He’d waited for years….. a few more seconds wouldn’t kill him… As he labored to keep his breathing under control, his mind replayed countless images of his suffering…. being strapped down while noxious chemicals burned inside his brain, the sound of his own futile screams echoing all around him…no one there to help him or even care that he was hurting… Chained to the walls….cold and dark, starving…. drugged and disoriented, every sensation he experienced painful and confusing…

I remember don’t worry……..

Losing Marlena….. seeing her walk away in tears…. believing he was no longer the man she loved… that he was no better than a DiMera clone… that heartwrenching agony worse than the physical suffering he endured at the hands of his wicked taskmaster…..

How could I ever forget……

The pain in her eyes when she learned he’d been with Hope..no. that wasn’t it. He was Gina’s lover, but the fact that the baby Hope was carrying belonged to him, was somehow unbearable for Marlena. It didn’t seem to matter much that he wasn’t aware of what he was doing when it happened. The fact that it did seemed to steal something precious from her….the shine disappearing from those glowing newlywed eyes….

It’s the first time, the last time we ever met…

Met, met, met…

The moment in which she gave him back the rings was one he would never forget…. It was as if she had never known and loved him at all, as if he disappeared into that angry mystery man he sometimes became… and even though he pleaded his case…at first she would not hear of it… That was the worst part of all… because it wasn’t true…. He recalled his past and in that other life he had loved another. That he never tried to deny or defend, but in the present, he wanted Marlena…he had chosen his life with her and the children, and he pledged himself to them. After several agonizingly lonely weeks apart, she had finally given him a fighting chance at her heart. Day by day, he was starting to believe again, for it looked as though Marlena was beginning to let him inside.

Then came the news of Hope’s pregnancy….. and that was the moment he lost her…. Marlena withdrew from him then… and a week or so later, she was gone. The marriage was ostensibly over at that point. She didn’t speak to him much after that… communicating mostly through her attorneys.

But I know the reason why you keep your silence up 

No you don’t fool me……

And DiMera…. he was laying low…. biding his time as usual….. planning something, of course. Not that it mattered anymore… John knew in his soul that there was nothing more the monster could do to hurt him… Marlena was out of his life for good… Finally, Stefano’s scheming had taken her from him permanently. Maybe he couldn’t have Marlena’s love, but he sure as hell could have revenge on the man to blame for the loss of it. 

It was well past payback time…..

“Here we go, partner… let’s take down the bastard….”Abe said to Bo, while eyeing John at the same time.

“Yea…. it’s about time he faced the music… we’ve got him this time, Abe…”

Bo said, working at sounding positive about the outcome of weeks of planning and strategizing.

“Now, where have I heard that one before?” the third man said without looking back, still extremely tightly wrapped…. “This time…I’m gonna make sure it happens…. He’s going to pay for all the pain he’s caused me and everyone else in Salem. Only a few more seconds,” he concluded, producing a gun seemingly out of nowhere.

“John….” Abe said in a warning tone, his eyes wide with shock to see the semi-automatic pistol in his buddy’s right hand. The Commander glared at his partner and then softened when he saw the genuine surprised sorrow on his friend’s face. Bo’s dark eyes were asking the same question his were. How could John possibly have gotten a gun past them, through customs.. all of it?

Suddenly, as the two of them returned their attention to the third man, they noticed his that his normally crystal clear blue eyes had turned a dark steely blue… full of ice cold hatred…. a hatred born of pain and loss and abject cruelty endured beyond belief. Such suffering was outside the realm of normal human experiences and there weren’t many who could comprehend it. John didn’t talk about the details much, never had. His scars were mostly internal now, but the agony was visible just below the surface of his murderous rage. Precious few had caught even a glimpse of that soul searing pain… and the only one who could truly reach behind the fortress of frustrated anger to help him with it was thousands of miles away and wanted nothing more to do with him… or so she said.

The hurt doesn’t show, but the pain still grows…….

He sent out a terse warning to his friends, his voice and his body language somehow like that of a volcano which was seconds away from exploding with extreme violence. “Abe… one of us is going to die tonight… and it’s *not* gonna be me… Now, look.. I haven’t pushed this… but I’m *telling* you.. both of you. I’m going after him and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” Looking at the younger man, he emphasized the uncertainty of his own capacity for violence, “Bo, what you saw in that hotel room this morning….that was child’s play…. You have NO idea what * this* John is capable of…” he said, pointing to himself and sounding strangely detached from the person he was describing, “…and to tell you the truth… neither do I…so I suggest… you just… stand back and let this happen” John finished, staring out into the darkness and smiling with anticipation as he saw the lights of the plane coming closer and closer to their final destination.

“No… I’m sorry, John… I care about too much about you… to let you die… ”

“Yea man…So, get this.. Bro!” Bo said strongly as he too moved nearer to the man with a gun. “We’ll do whatever it takes to keep your sorry ass alive!” Bo said, grabbing John by the upper arms from behind, attempting to turn him around so they were facing each other.

The fierce anger flared and John whipped himself around, nearly choking the man who still insisted on calling him brother in spite of having no biological ties to him….”Damn it, Bo! When are you gonna get it through that thick head of yours? I’m NOT your brother!! I never was… I never will be!! I’m not even the man you’ve known as John Black all these years… I’m just some… half person… some “thing,” created by that sick BASTARD out there! Everybody knows I’m just a fighting, killing machine and tonight… the monster is going to kill the mad scientist…” Through clenched teeth, barely able to contain the swell of emotion building up from deep inside him, he added one last admonition, “So, if the both of you know what’s good for you…you’ll just stay out of my way and it’ll be over before you know it.” With that, he locked the clip into place with ferocity and unhooked the safety. The conversation was finished. It was time to kill.

It’s no stranger to you or me……

It was an odd experience, Abe determined…. to hear such bitter hatred… to see the fire burning through those deep blue eyes…. to look at the man’s body tensed as if for battle… and yet know that what was really being expressed was a gnawing, aching, unimaginable feeling of loss…. “John…listen to me buddy…. I know that you’re hurting… SO much.. and that you want the pain to end….but this isn’t the way… you know that as well as we do…. so please listen to me…. and let us take him in the legal way.”

The tenderness in his friend’s voice and the warmth and love in his brown eyes almost reached him…. His body trembled with the tension that surged through his body…. Without warning, he felt the sting of tears welling up behind his eyes…. tears of pain and anger and confusion…. a fiery flood of emotion that pleaded for release…. but NO… He would have his release….in a much more satisfying way. In the next instant… the bastard appeared and the moment was lost. The protective wall of rage was back…. and the moisture gone as if never there at all. Bo and Abe saw it and sighed at the same time. There was nothing more they could say or do.

John sighed too. It was time to put his skills in combat to good use, for once; in removing that vile life form from the planet, he would be doing the world a favor. In all reality, this was a confrontation for which he’d been training all of his life.. much like the young warrior who was finally ready to take on the chieftain who taught him everything he knew… It was the way of the wilds, only the strongest survive.

Abe gave it up and waved to his men in the moment John turned his back and stepped toward the hanger doorway. The Commander would do what had to be done and deal with his friend’s sense of betrayal and resentment later. It was time to concentrate on apprehending the perpetrator of countless crimes against people and property, in legal fashion. The law…. It was something he always believed in… for if they abandoned the law, there was no way to tell the good guys from the bad guys.

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight

Oh Lord I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord…..

John blew out a long breath, feeling a little nervous as the rush of adrenaline returned to his belly. At last, after excruciatingly long seconds passed, the moment was right there in front of him, he had the gun leveled and he was poised to shoot DiMera when he stepped through the hanger entry. In a few more seconds his vile torturer would be blown away, wiped out of his life forever. John was sweating with breathless anticipation, welcoming that perspiration, for it meant that the ordeal would be over soon. All the questions of his identity… all the torture… all the pain and loss the madman brought into his life, somehow finally obliterated in the moment the bastard laid down to die in a pool of his own blood. John breathed deeply of the sticky sweet night air; it was like a most fragrant perfume to him, for he had waited so very long for this moment to arrive.

I can feel it in the air tonight…….

Suddenly, as if he’d passed through some new dimension in less than seconds, there was someone standing between himself and his target, the one person who could break down the wall of hatred and rage that had been erected to protect his wounded heart. Her voice was unmistakable and her shapely form, so flatteringly illuminated in the dim light of night, one he would know anywhere. She spoke softly but very powerfully, “John… if you ever really loved me… you wouldn’t do this… because you know it’s wrong… No matter how much you’ve suffered.. no matter how much you’re hurting right now…. killing him this way is wrong and you know it…”

Oh Lord………

Oh Lord…..

Shaking his head and blinking several times in disbelief that she was even there, John made a silent query with his eyes, ‘Of all the times for you to show up, why now?’ But, hard as he tried, he couldn’t deny the truth of what she said, not inside what was the core of goodness anyway. She was right, Damn it, she was always right… Still, he denied it to her face, “But, you don’t understand, Marlena… Nobody UNDERSTANDS!!!” he shouted, looking at that smug expression on DiMera’s face and wishing she hadn’t come. In truth he’d been craving her mere physical presence for weeks… But not now, not in this moment when he was finally going to pay that twisted version of a human being back for all the torture he had inflicted, physical and emotional, and everything in between.

It broke her heart to see John in such agony, to know that she was even partly responsible for his pain and frustration, and her tone softened as she took a slow step toward him, “Oh, but I do, John. I *do* understand.. I understand that you feel like he stole everything from you, and I know that your heart is breaking from all that you’ve been through… all that you’ve…lost. But I also know *you*… the man you are in your soul, John… the man you are with me… The man that I…love..(d…) wouldn’t do this.” Her voice trailed off and he couldn’t be certain of exactly how she’d ended that important word, but he didn’t have the courage to ask. Nor was this the time for that kind of intimacy. ‘Stay focused, Black…. You’ve got a job to do here…’ he said to himself, not meeting her eyes.

Still, he winced in response; to hear her say it that way, almost in the past tense, was nearly unbearable and his bitter anger flashed like escaping steam. “But, you told me yourself… that man doesn’t exist anymore… thanks to DiMera… You said it was over for us.. so, why are you here?” he challenged, in this moment, able to look at her in order to read an honest response in her face.

No sense denying the truth. Her main reason was as she said so matter of factly, “To stop you from making a terrible mistake,” she responded as she took another step toward him, the light casting a nearly angelic glow around her golden hair, accentuating her natural beauty. 

‘God, she was beautiful…’ she’d just stabbed him with casual indifference and all he could think about was what it was like to hold her in his arms, what it felt like to touch the creamy white softness of her skin, the sweetness of her lips on his… 

Oh Lord……

He was shaking his head in quick sharp movements, forcing those images out of his head, and wishing she’d said something entirely different. “You *left* me!” he shouted, summoning the anger again. “You said I wasn’t the man you married, and then you… walked away, if I remember correctly… So why do you even *care* anymore? And, why the HELL should I listen to anything else you have to say to me?” he asked, the pain threatening to overcome the rage…. His breathing was labored and he struggled to control it but felt himself losing the battle…. Even Stefano could see it… her presence was having its affect. The man breathed a soft sigh of relief, admiring the woman’s courage and strength of conviction in spite of the tension.

John waved the gun around somewhat recklessly, once again slowly advancing toward DiMera, who had the foresight to remain silent for once. His “Pawn” was on the edge, and might shoot him without a warning. Dying was not in the game plan and so… tempted as he was to taunt his enemy, Stefano said nothing at all.. a first for him. Wisely, Abe and Bo didn’t make a move either, indicating to their men to stand at the ready, should the situation go from bad to worse. In his unpredictable, volatile emotional state, John was in the best possible hands.

Well, I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life……

Glancing briefly toward the others, soundlessly thanking them for giving her a few minutes to de-escalate the scene, Marlena spoke only to John, deliberately calm in the face of his restless agitation. “Someone has to make the first move, John… stop this madness, and I promise….we’ll… talk.” It wasn’t much, but it was the best she could do under the circumstances. She didn’t want to mislead him.

He wasn’t buying it…. it seemed like an excuse….”I don’t believe you. You don’t want me anymore…you’re just trying to stop me from taking him out,” he said, waving the gun around again, then squaring himself and aiming it at his lifelong tormentor; he was advancing slowly toward his target and planning to go around her somehow. 

Oh, Lord…..

John made a determined move, raising the gun with a deceptively steady hand. She was frightened by the uncontrolled rage fueled by the deep sadness she saw behind that false exterior. Nonetheless….she stepped into his path, placing her hands upon his tight shoulders, imploring him to listen, knowing that if he actually shot Stefano, any chance they had would be forever lost. “Have I ever lied to you, John, about something this important?” she asked him, hoping to divert his attention from Stefano for a moment or two.

Something about the way she said it made him pause for a split second.. maybe there was hope after all, maybe she would take him back eventually… but then again…

He shut his eyes tight and forced the emotions down…. It hurt… God, how it hurt to even consider the possibility of reconciliation because if he let himself hope, the pain of having loved and lost her so many times was there, ready to take over… and it would make him worse than the ‘walking wounded’ he was at this point. No, he couldn’t let himself hope… hope was what killed him… hope was what Stefano had given and then so cruelly taken… and that was why the creator had to die. John stood there and exchanged a uncertain glance with the woman who had been his friend, his lover, his wife… then shut his eyes tighter and labored to recall the reasons for his bitter hatred of the other man, forcing the pictures of his past to return. If he just remembered all that bastard had done to make him suffer… killing him would be easy… Wouldn’t it? All he had to do was pull the trigger… After all, John now knew he’d done it many times to men he never even knew. In some strange way, this would be payback for all the innocent lives the Old Man made him take. 

It was street justice….

However, Marlena’s effect on John was undeniable.. Abe and Bo could see it in his eyes, even Stefano noticed the change… the hard edges of his burning rage cooling slightly with each caring word she uttered, and with the gentle touch of her hands upon his clothing. It made John ache to be this close… and not be able to hold her, to kiss her and lose himself in their flaming passion… His breathing quickened as his racing heart acknowledged the truth his mind could not…. She made him soft…. she gave him the other half of his soul, the part of him that was somehow missing for so long…. 

He needed her desperately and he wanted to listen, to do what she asked of him…..but he couldn’t allow that part of himself to have control, not when he was so close…”No… but…” was all he managed to say in response… lame as it was.

Seeing in his eyes that he wanted to let go… she touched his face for the first time in months and she sensed that it was all he could do not to crush her to him. The power of his desire to possess her was nearly overwhelming; he knew he would have to close his eyes again and fight for control over his body. Yet, he was frozen in place as her hazel eyes and then her words beseeched him, “But nothing…” she said commandingly with outstretched hands, “Give Abe the gun, John… if you love me like you claim to… then you’ll let them arrest him.” She was afraid, trembling slightly to look in those icy blue eyes… but seeing them melt slightly in response to her efforts, she stood her ground. Her courage under fire… yet another quality he’d always admired. It almost made him smile… almost..

“And what happens next, Doc?” he questioned, his pleading eyes searching for the slightest glimmer of the hope he’d just tried to deny. His eyebrows furrowed as the last word echoed inside his troubled mind…He’d called her Doc… he wondered what that meant… hadn’t used that term of endearment, not since the day she walked away… From the slight change in her expression, John could see that it meant something to her too… but what?

This was the ultimate moment of truth. She so wanted to take him in her arms and fly off to Hawaii and just disappear, to forget about everything that happened since their return. She ached to tell him that she knew their love could overcome any obstacle in its path, that even Stefano’s most recent evil manipulations of the mind and body could not stop them. 

Just as she was about to reply…an image of Hope’s swollen belly suddenly flashed in her mind and she banished it almost immediately… there was no time for that now… But, it was a reminder that their situation was complicated at best.. No, she wasn’t going to stake her future on a fantasy or a lie. There was a lot of pain and confusion to sift through before there could be any talk of reconciliation…. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, she took a deliberate step away and looked John straight in the face as she told him the truth, “I’m not going to make you any false promises, John, but if you believe in our love….. then you’ll have to place your trust in it. Give Abe and Bo the gun, and we’ll take it from there, one step at a time.” 

I can feel it coming in the air tonight……

Her argument was convincing, as usual….but he needed to be certain of one thing… “Okay, but answer me this one question…” He started out strong, but his voice began to quaver as he continued, his lips quivering as he labored to maintain control… ” I need to be sure Doc, do you still love me, I mean… *me*… the man that I am now… the one who’s so.. confused… the one who gets… angry sometimes and doesn’t even know why… the one with all the crazy flashbacks and the life that’s nothing more than a bunch of mixed up puzzle pieces? Doc, do you love ME?” he asked her as he put a shaky index finger to his chest, his blue eyes moist and pleading for something he suddenly realized he’d been searching for almost all of his life. His question stuck her heart like bolt of lightning…

The others seemed slightly puzzled, but Marlena knew precisely what he meant… it was the core issue, the central theme of their problems and the source of the pain he was experiencing behind the vengeful anger. Looking at John and realizing that he was as vulnerable as he had ever been, she was very careful in what she said. Stepping closer again, she spoke calmly but cautiously… “Yes… yes, I do still love you, the man you are now…more than I can say, John… but I can’t give you much more than that right now. All I *can* say is that I don’t want you to die and I don’t want to see you locked up behind bars for killing a despicable human being like Stefano DiMera. He’s not worth the price of revenge, John,” she finished, both of her delicate hands gently covering the gun which was still leveled at his enemy.

Oh, Lord…..

He stared into her determined eyes, admiring her beautiful face, and sighed with an immense weariness, emotional fatigue beyond his years when he saw nothing more than that essential admission… She loved him still… he had to take the chance that it was enough to build on, that despite all the obstacles they faced because of the situation with Hope, his complicated past, and the legacy of violence contained therein, he could win her back. John shut his eyes one last time and did battle within himself… then with one last heavy breath, he nodded wordlessly and turned the weapon over to his friends. A soft collective sigh was the only audible response….

Oh, Lord……..

Without warning, John fell to the ground, as if the weight he were carrying had been suddenly removed, throwing him completely off balance. It was a moment he thought had passed him by, a moment that in truth he’d been subconsciously waiting for since nearly the day he was born. To feel so loved was a blessing. He went down on his knees…. and was unable to move, paralyzed by the intensity of emotions surrounding his heart and soul. 

Marlena approached him slowly, hesitantly and then gently kneeled down and placed her arms around him… Feeling the nearly overwhelming sense of physical and emotional tension emanating from his body and knowing that he was on the edge of something very powerful, Marlena ignored the fact that they were being observed by a dozen or so pairs of curious eyes. Even as Stefano was being hauled away from the scene, she began speaking softly in his ears as she stroked his sweat dampened hair. Quietly she said, “It’s okay, John… just let it go, honey….just let it all go… I’m here, baby…” she added with infinite loving tenderness, as she wept with empathy for his pain and for her own, and so many others who had suffered at Stefano’s hand. 

Oh, Lord……

In the next moment, something happened that no one who knew John Black, past or present, other than this remarkable woman would ever have predicted. John began to weep….at first only a few quiet tears escaping, but then when he looked at the woman he loved… there was such understanding there.. such open compassion… such love in her empathetic hazel eyes… and much like the volcano, more than a decade of deeply buried feelings erupted. Less than a minute later, he was sobbing like a child, a horrifically abused little boy whose one and only need was to be truly loved and cared for, to be understood…. a little boy who finally found the one who could meet that need, completely and unconditionally…. 

They rocked back and forth until the raging torrent of pent up emotion quelled and the sobs became only light whimpers… all the while she held him in her warm and tender embrace, humming a soothing melody, stroking his hair and periodically whispering in his ears with a mother’s compassion, “Shh…it’s okay….I’m here for you, John…I’ll always be here…”

And I’ve been waiting for this moment, all my life…

Oh Lord, Oh Lord….