Determined and cold, John scaled the side of the high rise. The things he did for this marriage! The memoirs of his life with Marlena are going to read like an adventure novel he thought to himself. He smiled…would he have had it any other way? He certainly, in the middle of the night contemplating the possibility of falling to a very painful death, had no regrets.
Touching down softly on the balcony outside her bedroom, he quickly unhooked his harness and ducked to where he couldn’t be seen. Peering in, he was glad she had gone to bed. The lights of her room would have given him away. Now, in his black fatigues and shirt, he easily blended into the shadows. He had been watching her for the last few hours. He was surprised to find that, although she had no memories of her life, she went about her normal routine of getting ready for bed; changing her clothes, brushing her hair, closing closet doors and putting away the sundries of shoes, brush and jewelry before heading off to the bathroom. There she’d brush her teeth, wash her face, and lotion.
The only thing that was missing from the routine–was him. His heart had hurt when he had come to realize that was the reason for the slight change in her pattern. The only thing that had eased the pain, were the two very strange “idiosyncrasies” she had developed. On her way back from the bathroom and right before she took off her robe and crawled into bed, she produced a bottle of cologne from a drawer. He recognized the size and shape as it being the cologne he regularly used—per her request. That is until she had fallen down the stairs and lost her memory. It was in her MORNING routine that she included making sure SHE put it on him before he left the bedroom. She never forgot and it always made him smile.
He continued to watch as she practically drank in the smell of the liquid once she removed the lid. She smiled and took just a touch of the perfume and put it on her wrist. It wasn’t enough to make a difference if she was going out but just enough that she could smell the sweet, soft, ocean-like aroma. And she did, all the way to the edge of the bed. She stripped off her robe (as was normal) and crawled under the covers. However, before turning out the light, she rearranged the pillows on “his side of the bed.” He normally had two just as she did. She took the bigger of the two and shifted it lengthwise as if to fill the space next to her. The smaller and softer of the two she put in front of her. After turning out the light she tucked the pillow under her chin, her perfumed wrist close by.
He smiled to himself. He understood the enormity immediately. He could only reason this sudden habit was due to him not being there. He wondered if she made the connection to his being gone. It didn’t matter; her subconscious was working even if her conscious mind was shutting him out.
It was another hour or so before he even made his way over to the other building. And another hour before he ended up where he stood now, staring into the bedroom to make sure she was sound asleep. With a thin bar he used to slip between the French doors to flip the latch, he made his way inside. He was careful to make no sound as he closed the doors behind him and removed his mask and gloves.
In a few quick steps he stood over her. She looked as beautiful as she always did. He imagined kissing her lips and stroking her hair. At that moment it was overwhelming how much he had missed her. He began to wonder if he would be able to do what he came to do. She’d be angry and this could drive her even further into resenting him. But his heart and mind wouldn’t allow him to turn away from the other option and that was he knew Alex had plans to kill her.
In his distraction he didn’t realize he had taken too long. Marlena, despite having been fully asleep got the eerie sense of not being alone. Her eyes were only slits when she noticed the dark figure standing in front of her. In spite of his carelessness, John was still quicker than she was and firmly caught and covered her mouth with his large hand when she sprung up in bed.
“Shhhh…shhh…” she wiggled and fought trying to scream through his fingers. “Marlena, it’s just me. It’s John.” She stopped struggling and he could see in her eyes, by way of the light filtering through the French doors and Salem’s skyline, her eyes went from scared to furious. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. But you have to promise me something too…” She shook her head no. He expected that. And he tried not to smile but he did. “I know, I know…but please you have to hear me out.” She shook him off again.
“Marlena,” and he got close and she could see his look get more intense. “In all my life I have not loved anyone like I love you. In all my life I have never been loved by anyone the way you love me. In all my life I have not risked so much, my life, my freedom and my name. None of it matters if you’re gone. Let them put me in jail and throw away the key or let them execute me for a murder I didn’t commit—I don’t care—my life is nothing if you are gone. I can’t give up on this; I can’t give up on us. I told you once that my eyes were opened. And I swear then as I will swear to you now…I can’t go back to denying how I feel about you. And, in loving you so much, how can I go on? How can I love someone else? I WILL be alone the rest of my life. Please…let me talk to you.”
She stared at him for what seemed like hours. Then her hand traveled up his arm and over the hand that covered her mouth. His reaction was immediate. His eyes softened and his shoulders fell, she could even feel that his breath got a little quicker at her touch. He watched her gently remove his hand from her mouth. She couldn’t ignore the fact that he stared at her lips as if she had revealed to him something more intimate than just her lips.
“You’ll find love again…” the sound of her voice seemed to wake him. His eyes didn’t move but he did seem gain some focus. Thinking about her words, he shook his head.
“I thought I could once and it didn’t work. I was miserable. I woke up thinking about you and you were the last person on my mind when I went to bed; even when the woman I was going to marry was lying next to me. I was ashamed to say that to my son about his mother but it was as true with Isabella as it was with Kristen.”
“Kristen? You mean Kate.”
“No, Kristen. You won’t remember her…” She nodded.
“What about Kate?” she questioned and she dropped her head and gave him her serious look.
He nodded his head. He knew she knew about them. He was sure Alex painted a whole museum of pictures for her about what must be happening between him and Kate.
“I can’t deny that I was with Kate when I thought you were dead. I was a very different person then. Just like I had to come to realize that you must have become a very different person in order to be with Roman.” She took in a deep breath; she had planned to confront him with that aspect of their relationship too. “We were both tortured. Between the pain of loosing you, my back and the drugs, I wasn’t a man you would have recognized. That John Black wasn’t who I knew myself to be. What I came to know of myself because of that experience, is that I am capable of doing whatever I need to do in order to escape from pain. The pain in my back lead to the drugs, the pain of loosing you … meant Kate. I didn’t love her like she deserved to be loved. I didn’t love her in the way I know I am capable of loving someone. Only a shell of a man made her promises eventually, he would have never been able to keep. I can’t change it. I’m sorry I hurt her, just to save myself. I was in haze from the drugs and a haze from a broken heart.”
She had relaxed against the pillows half way through his speech. Staring at him now, she began to see him in a whole new light. More comfortable now, she felt she could reason with him.
“I can’t be with you John.” It was simple, firm but held no emotion.
“He’s going to hurt you…” He appealed.
“He loves me…” She tried to convince.
“That’s what he wants you to believe…” he became a bit more emphatic.
“I made vows to him. I have to respect them. Surely, if you know me the way you say you do, you can understand that,” she implored.
“I do. And I would respect that and walk away if I thought you truly made such a commitment…but I know you didn’t. And I know you love me!”
“John,” and she managed to sit up just a little. “What would you have done if I just walked out of this marriage one day? Would you have done all of this if I just simply fell out of love with you?”
“I don’t believe that could ever happen…”
“Don’t believe I would have fallen out of love with YOU or that I am capable of falling out of love, period?”
“Both.” He said without a doubt.
“I did with Roman. Didn’t I?”
“That was different.”
“How?”
“You’ve said it before, you loved Roman and you always will but you loved me more. You were drawn to me Doc. Just like I was drawn to you. We don’t know why. It just was. You knew who Roman was and you knew who I was and you made a choice. And that choice was me.” He pointed to his chest.
“And I am making that choice with Alex. I love him and I am choosing to honor my vows with him.”
“You don’t even remember your vows to him…” he pleaded. She gave him a smirk and dropped her head again, giving him her best “knowing look”. It was an invalid argument. She didn’t remember her vows to John either. And she whole heartedly believed she was making her choice free and clear. He dropped his head in return, nodding a few times. He knew exactly what she was thinking. Despite that, his head snapped up, he’d have to take a chance…
“You know the vows you said to me,” his statement was insistent.
“John…” she tried to caution him.
“I know you do Doc…”
“John!” she said a little more urgently.
“I know you do…” he became more insistent and he shifted closer. She became a bit more frightened over what he might do and she tried to move back. Then he started to speak.
“Rise up my love, my fair one and come away, for lo’ the winter is past,” she stopped moving and stared at him. He could see her look shift from shock because of the things he was saying to vacant as if she were thinking. Whatever her memory problem was, it wasn’t physical damage. It was trauma, her life was there, her words, her feelings, all of it, locked inside her…she just had to remember. Her mouth moved like she was trying to speak.
“Say it…” he urged gently
“I don’t know it…” she began to tear up and a slight pant began.
“Yes you do…say it with me…” And he started again.
“Rise up my love,” she watched his lips intently and only a second behind him she repeated the words. “My fair one and come away, for lo’ the winter is past. The rains are over and gone,” Her eyes unfocused again and she was drifting away…he could see it! “The flowers are appearing on earth and the time for singing birds has come.” John stopped speaking with her since she began talking faster than he did. “My beloved is mine and I am his until dawn breaks and the shadows fade. Turn my beloved and be thou ever mine…”
She looked at him and he felt it like an electric shock. She was somewhere else. He could see it in her look, she was there but not there and she kept talking. “I really do fell as though our winter is past, our bad times are over and the good times are beginning.” He dropped his head at the enormity of what was happening. This was not just the Song of Solomon she had memorized but the exact words she had said to him the day they were married. He couldn’t help the tears that began to flow, a mixture of relief and pain over all the things that had happened in the last year. The words they had said and not said, the fear, the anger, the frustration and the sorrow…he felt her touch his face. She placed her hand on his chin and turned him to face her.
“Now I know that nobody can ever promise what the future will bring but I will make you one solemn vow, I will love you no matter what.”
“Oh Doc!” He couldn’t keep the sob out of his voice. Grabbing him by his shirt front she brought him closer.
“Whether rain or drought or sun or storm,” She began, her hands brushing away the hair from both sides of his face. His head dropped and he laid his forehead against hers, relief washing over him like he was being hit by a broken dam of water. She kept going, “Whatever comes, I will laugh with you, weep with you, celebrate with you, and mourn with you. Whatever comes I am yours, my love, until death—“
“Marlena!” he moaned and didn’t let her finish. His lips surrounded hers. Her arms went about his neck and his went under her body and pulled her to him. The kiss was fire. If they could have devoured each other they would have. They pulled away with a loud gasp.
“Doc,” he started to say, his mind reeling.
“Shhh…don’t talk.” She whispered back pulling him in again. She broke away again when he reached for the pillow behind her. She helped him by grabbing for the other pillow in front of her. They then suddenly stopped and stared at each other. Gently, at the same time, he began to move close and touch her face; she reached up and pulled him to her.
“Make love to me,” she whispered against his lips.
Another devouring kiss started the passion anew. Only this time she began to pull at his shirt and he at the covers that held her legs.
He let go of the blankets so that she may pull the shirt from his body. Her hands went to him immediately. He grabbed her writs and pushed her back against the pillows surrounding her mouth with his. She moaned and her right knee came up, trying its best to rub against his body.
For all the loneliness he had felt over the last year, his lips quivered into a smile. No one knew her better than he did. Sometimes she told him he knew what she wanted or needed better than she did herself. There were countless times that she marveled at his skill.
“You’re a fantastic lover,” He heard her words as he teased her mouth open. “And I –DON’T SHARE!”
Rubbing his open mouth against hers she cried out softly at the tantalized feelings shooting through her. It made her back arch and her legs began to shift. He didn’t stop there, his seduction of her lips moved to the corner of her mouth and over her bottom lip where he kissed and licked until she moaned and pulled him down. She pulled his tongue into her and he allowed her this one hungry taste of him. She sucked hard dragging her tongue over his. He moaned at the soft silky contact. He instantly felt her tongue everywhere, on him, all at once; on his neck, on his chest and descending down his belly.
He pulled away to drop his lips to her throat where he both tipped up her chin up with his mouth and his hand that had slid from around her waist, up her chest and around her neck. He was careful to prolong the more intimate touches. For him and him alone, she was easy to excite. But the point was to drive her mad with wanting him. He took most of his pleasure in her desiring him. Her abandon enticed him and lifted him to heights, no one, no thing could ever match.
She ached from head to toe; her body moving, rubbing against him as much as she could. His teeth sharp but softly traveling up her neck to her chin. With just the right pressure he began to awaken the lusty side of his cool, classy, reserved psychologist. It’s what he loved about her the most. In spite of her refined individuality, like this she was wonton and undone. She was magic and she was passion. At his touch, with his kisses, even a simple look in his eyes triggered her to become uninhibited and demanding. She had surprised him most by her stamina that only drove him to give her more, fill her more, and pleasure her until she exploded with unstoppable cries.
A surge of his own desire spurred him to lock his mouth over her lips. They twisted in moans and stifled soft cries with hungry hot kisses that made their jaws click from the deep penetration. Their bodies moving against each other remembering their own rhythm; clothed or not, their deep seeded need of each other began to take over and their breaths came faster at the sheer wanting that was escalating by the second.
He sat up and reached for his belt. She followed, one hand explored his broad back, her lips kissing his shoulder, her other soft elegant hand massaged down the front of his chest. He was pulling at the laces of his military style boots. Her one hand boldly traveled down even further over his soft furred belly. He began to shiver. He had to get his boots off before she touched him. He’d loose control once she—a small high pitched cry popped from him.
“Doc,” he groaned finding her mouth, it made her huff the way his mouth trapped hers and his tongue invaded sucking her into him. A low moan carried from the back of her throat and hummed against his lips. He moved her back while at the same time pulled his trousers, boots and socks off his body.
She watched as he stared down at her. He pushed aside the covers again, making sure that nothing got in his way of looking at her or touching her. She saw his long strong fingers encircle each one of her legs. And as if he was buffing fine porcelain, his hands began to message the silky gown she wore up her long legs. Up, around, in…they tantalized upward. She sighed, her head tipping up and her back arching. The effects ran through her as if he had taken a feather and teased it over her legs, up her chest, over her breast, soft like the silk of her gown, hot like the touch of his lips. She was becoming undone and could no longer keep still, the powerfulness of his touch made her hips move involuntarily.
His long fingers slipping both over and around her thighs, the tips scratched ever so lightly up her inner thighs that she cried out just as he reached where her legs had stopped and her body began. He didn’t skip touching her intimately, he just did it with ever so slight a stroke her whole body convulsed with the wave of pleasure that surged from deep inside her and spread out to every cell of her body. She was getting close, very close, to the inevitable end. Only, she wondered, would it happen before he actually entered her…? The thought made her lips quiver, her body responded by throbbing, blood pumping to all the expected scintillating zones. Warmth spread everywhere like ripples in a pond, emanating from the center of her where she knew she was beginning to swell and become wet.
He could not only feel but see she was quivering all over. He wasn’t ready to stop his seduction. His own lust spurred his ego to drag this out as much as he could. He wanted her to know, like he did, that it was him and only him that could drive her this wild. 20 years of knowing her body, 20 years of experimenting and testing, 20 years of love, laughing, crying, anger all culminated to these moments when he could touch her, kiss her, devour her, until that pinnacle of pleasure that locked them together so tightly neither one of them could discern where each of their bodies ended or the other’s began. At their most vulnerable they both admitted love had never been this way for either one of them. He believed in that now, then, over the last few months and until the day he died.
He applied a little more pressure to his touch. This time catching the edges of her gown between his long fingers, both hands slipped to either side of her body and moved over her hips. His long fingers splayed over her belly, his thumbs outlined the very first rib they came to. Her head was completely tipped back and in-human soft cries were rhythmically escaping her. He waited only a second as he shut his eyes against the screaming of his own need to take her. He opened his eyes just as the tips of his fingers caressed the under swell of both breasts. Gently encircling either one, he teased them both in the same way until she was forced to grab a pillow from beside her and cover her mouth.
He heard her cry into the pillow which drove him to loose his composure and he went after a breast. He would have loved to tease the swell, circle the peaked nipple with his tongue, suck her in deep when she arched but he couldn’t stand it any longer and he just had to have her, taste her, feel the soft warm flesh against his lips, pushing against his chin, rubbing against his nose. The way she smelled, the way she felt, and the way she cried out forced him to move over her.
“Yes!” He heard her voice, a deep growl, wash over him. She pulled the pillow from her and tossed it aside. She bent her body close to him, to hold him and press him against her. Her hips were moving, her legs shifting, a burn traveled up both her inner thighs, a burn that longed to feel his well muscled legs rub up against her. It even caused her body to pulse with an uncontrollable need to be rubbed and, dare she think it, pounded, hard, deep, fast…it surprised her, her erotic thoughts, had she always been like this?
She was distracted from her feelings when she felt him push her back again. This time he forced both her hands over her head and slipped the rest of the nightgown from her body. He moved over her completely now, his fingers caressed their way back down her long arms, over her beautiful flushed face, where the swell of her breasts pressed tight against his chest; his hands continued around her back. He found the sensitive spot at the cord of her neck while his hands made their way lower, between the bed and her back. His lips traveled up to the hollow behind her ear as his fingers slipped down to her round backside. His tongue pressed into the hollow in timed undulating movements that matched the panting of her breath, the movement of her hips, and the movement of his own. Only now, she could feel him, thick, hard and wanting while sliding over her swollen, silky, wet flesh. That did it!
“John!” She cried out and her body bowed, long legs locked around him, her arms did the same around his shoulders, her lips found the hard muscle of his shoulder and with her mouth open she locked down in a half bite and half suckle. He’d gone too far and he’d have to move quickly. Catching her hips in his strong hands since they began to snap against him, he positioned her to him, tipped his own hips until the thickness of him found the swelled opening of her. A high pitched hum began where her lips pressed against his shoulder. Firmly pushing he slipped into her, slowly, but steadily; both backing away and pressing deep so that she could open to him at her body’s wish. Despite how ready she was, he was a bit well endowed in length and width even for her, too much to soon could hurt. But, with the right amount of pleasuring, she could take him and she would demand more. The thought made him shiver. If he was too forceful she’d bite down, if he wasn’t forceful enough she’d bite and scratch. STOP his mind raged at him. Thoughts like that could make him finish before she did and THAT was a definite “no-no”. Gathering up his control he concentrated on her.
He found her rhythm and timing immediately; for every push he pushed back. Up on his toes this first session was going to be fuel by his rubbing, not necessarily stroking. Her body needed different things at different moments. And though she always bowed the first time, his penetration could have been anything. The telltale sounds she made told him she was nearing her end. When he felt her stiffen, he pushed deep, his hips ever so slightly but firmly, again, rubbing and undulating upward. A scream stifled by his shoulder suddenly emanated from her. He kept moving despite the fact that she had locked her legs and arms around him like strong cables. He’d keep up the message until her muscles softened; it’s what she had needed most.
She relaxed her arms and legs only long enough to move her long limbs into a different position. Her mouth searched for his and found what she was looking for. She panted against his lips in between hungry, deep, kisses in order to catch her breath. Despite the incredible passion that had overtaken her and nearly broken her in two, something even more deep had not been satisfied. She wanted more, hungered for more, and wouldn’t let him go to save either one of their lives. A bit of fear that he’d stop overwhelmed her. Before she could stop herself, she pulled away from his wonderful lips and hissed out to him.
“Please,” she begged. “Don’t stop…I’m not…” the words caught in her throat but something more forceful demanded attention, “finished.” She huffed against his lips. He knew that, his only question was could he outlast her once more or twice more? He’d find out because now he was pulling back far and slipping in deep and again her response was immediate. Her head went back and her back went up.
“YES!” and the cry was chesty and deep. Perfect he thought to himself. As much as he wanted to never stop loving her like this, he knew after this he’d have no more control. He began to long stoke her; pulling out as far as he could and pushing in as deep as she let him. She caught every one of his movements into her with one of her own. Again, this was her ride and he succumbed to her needs. When she stroked harder he matched her strength, when she moved faster he caught up, all he did was respond in kind.
Looking down at her he could tell right where she was in her journey to a final burst. His only concern was her chesty cries that could give them away and he locked his lips over her to catch the explosions. That is until she suddenly couldn’t contain the wave that had built so high she thought her body was splitting in two. A searing shock bolted from his last deep stroke. Like quicksilver it ran up her belly and over her body, she tightened again, her back arched high. The scream he suffocated with his mouth would have woken the neighbors…across the street.
They lay stuck like that, she shaking from her release, him from needing to. She knew it too. Although he was still locked in a kiss with her, he was panting through it; his own erotic sounds were higher in pitch. He was pulling away until he found her ear, his whole body shaking as if he were in a deep freeze.
“D-doc,” he cried softly, his teeth chattering “I-I c-can’t…” and he couldn’t speak and he began to moan.
“Don’t stop,” she encouraged him. He cried out again going up on his hands. “Yes,” she hissed watching as he took on his own position above her. “Please,” she begged him. “John!” word after word that slipped from her mouth pushed him closer and closer to the edge. She felt it too, not only his pleasure but in one of her own that started again. She couldn’t believe it was going to happen once more. Only this time she was sure it was because of him. She was feeling his building release and it was turning into hers.
“John!” She called out harshly. “Don’t stop…!” This time catching his pace, a blaze suddenly urgent and sweetly painful, enveloped her, if he stopped she might die. “You’re right there!” Her words were breathless and inviting, burning into him and over him.
“Oh, please…!” she sobbed for her and for him both. “Baby…it’s happening!” and it was! Lip to lip, cry after cry, together their bodies set off crashing waves that went from one to the other and back again. And for an instant they were locked together, they couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t let go. At that moment she knew him like no one she had ever known and he’d give her his life no questions asked. As it happened many times before they slipped together into oblivion where there was no flesh, there was no boundary of skin or bone, just the essence of who they were and who they were meant to be. And as quickly as it happened, it also quickly faded; for experiences this spectacular were sacred and shared in limitation to preserve the magic of the moment. Not every one knew the intimate secrets the Universe had to offer. Ecstasy like this was saved only for a love that was strong, unique and complete.
It was when she sighed into his neck he began to move. “No…” she whimpered. She hated when he got up.
“Shhhh…just right here…easy now…” His voice was masterful although stayed soft and silky. At the same time, as he pulled her under his chin, he grabbed blankets and pillows, tucking them both into a warm cocoon. He’d have to hurry. Despite her protest she had already drifted off and the soft, warn, darkness threatened to take him too.
Finally, after months…he slept peacefully.
The Jarlena Journal 