Love Like This – By AJ Gundell

Love Like This ~ AJ Gundell

He opened the door and paused while his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness. Reaching for the light switch, John blinked as the light bathed the huge living room. Stepping inside from the chill, he thanked god that he came here alone.

This house is so full of memories
And Dreams I’ve lost and found

No one could see his tears as his life here played in front of him, as hazily vivid memories came dancing back to him.

Everything rushes back to me as I take one last look around

John checked his watch. He had been told that he was to be gone at least an hour before coming back to Marlena at the hospital, so he wanted to say goodbye to his past.

I feel the love of a family that’s always there
And the friends who have taken the time to care

While he had lost this touchstone of his past as Roman and had to wander until he found his history and who he truly was. That was something that was never in doubt.

That the man he was, had always been inside was truly loved by everyone who he considered family.

Shining on me like a light that guides my way

He reached out a hand as a memory of sitting with Marlena in front of the huge fireplace, dreaming dreams became so vivid, that he could actually feel the heat of not just the fire, but of the chemistry of the two hearts intertwined on the floor.

Through it all, Marlena was then his touchstone. He had her love and friendship which was an intrinsic part of his life, something that was never doubted or taken for granted, no matter how many times in laughter she said he could do.

And hope gives me the feeling that I’m never far from home
Even when the road is darkened, I’ll be out there on my own

She watched and waited as he fumbled in his way. He knew that it was partially out of her own guilt that she stayed in the sidelines. “I made the man I love into a man that I HAD loved.” She stopped herself. It was like the Present and future into the past so to speak.” She tucked her hair behind her ear.

So as I pack my bags to leave, I close my eyes and make believe

“It was as if I had misguided myself into thinking that it was and had to be one way, rather than go the other way and admit that I had a glorious future in you.”

I’m going to find love like this again

A Poem that she had read the night before came into his head as he went to sit on the step in front of the French Doors.

“It was worth waiting for the one most loving. It was worth waiting for the one most soothing. It was worth waiting for the dream that had no name, no reason, just was.”

I’ve made some mistakes, but they were things that I did for love

Out of guilt, out of fear, he had hurt her so many times. He had never known until Abe told him that she had seen he and Kristen rutting around in the cellar. “John, you tore her apart that night.” He vowed to make amends, even if it took him forever.

No matter how you try sometimes you really cant rise above

He let out a sigh that echoed in the empty room. He closed his eyes as memories from the past week assailed his mind. Hope with the gun, the angry voices of the women he knew normally wouldn’t be raised against the others, the pain of his head as memories of what he had been doing as his wife waited vigil on the dream they had just achieved racked him with guilt and remorse.

The vividness in the contrast as he cradled his dying wife in his arms, while Bo held his. Marlena’s last words before the pain claimed her, closing her hazel eyes, despite his pleas for her to stay awake.

“Do you want to believe me NOW that there’s something wrong. It’s been wrong all along Bo.” The whiteness of the white embroidered beadwork on her dress now stained with scarlet. Pressing his head against hers.
“Don’t leave me lady.”

I see the smile of the woman I’ve loved so true

He had sat in her office while they waited on word of Marlena and Hope’s conditions. He had to go off on his own after watching Bo speak of Marlena to calm a tearful Belle, who finally screamed for him to leave her alone. “YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE MOM WHEN SHE SAID YOU COULDN’T. YOU CAUSED ALL OF THIS BY NOT SAYING NO!”

And feel the pain of a friend who loves her too

As Belle ran off, followed by an angry Shawn D, who was in pain from his fall, John could only look at his friend before leaving.

As he walked the halls, he realized that in a way they were all to blame for this. Marlena out of duty, John out of ignorance, Bo out of love and the Princess out of vengeance, anger and madness.

Bitter and sweet is the way I taste these tears

For all the memories, John just couldn’t believe that the one most innocent of the four was the one who was the most harmed or soon would be, once he revealed the truth to her, once she was out of harm. For all the harm that Kristen had done, he didn’t want secrets to tear apart what was now blessed by God.

And hope gives me the feeling that I’m never far from home
Even when the road is darkened, I’ll be out there on my own

His mind went back to the time when he had to give everything up and vowed that he would never be that alone again. To have everything and lose it on a technicality still tore him up inside.

So as I pack my bags to leave, I close my eyes and start to believe
I’m going to find love like this again.

He suddenly smiled and went outside. He had to see if it was still there in the backyard. He went the long way around, having to stop to get his shovel from the trunk of the Jeep.

Wind will blow my way and then,
I’ll be back, I just don’t know when

When Marlena had been presumed dead, he had created a time capsule. It had been his tribute to her, for their children when they were older.

That’s when I’ll find love like this again
Back home that’s when
I know I’ll find love like this again

He had just finished putting the dirt back in the hole when his beeper went off. With a smile, he read the message. Grabbing the time capsule, he headed for the Hospital.

I’m going to find love like this..

Climbing into the Jeep, he grinned. “Hang on baby. I’m coming.”

Again 

(sung by AJ Gundell)