Leave Me Breathless – By Ms. Goldie

Chapter 1

May 1996

…all I do is think about you

The days are quick, the nights are long

I feel them tick, I watch them crawl…

To Miss Someone – Maria McKee

John laid in bed wide awake at nearly 3 am. His wife slept next to him, her blonde, highlighted tresses spread across the pillow. She was a beautiful woman, but she wasn’t the woman he wanted. Not really. Rubbing his hands over his face roughly, as if he might scrub the sleep away, he rolled out of bed, and headed downstairs. There was no reason to stay in bed when he couldn’t sleep, and then potentially wake up Kristen. Her pregnancy was high risk, and she needed as much sleep as possible.

He didn’t usually sleep well on the nights following a day spent with Marlena and the children. It had been a milestone day in John’s mind. Sami had said thank you, and smiled at him, when he’d helped her with her math homework. He and Brady had hung out with Belle at the park while Marlena worked late. He’d enjoyed it all, but being in that house with her, doing family type things, and then returning to Kristen was hard. 

Roman had been gone for over a year on an ISA job. He hadn’t even lasted a year after the affair was revealed, before he left Salem, his wife, and his children. Marlena hadn’t had any contact with him since. He hadn’t contacted his children. He hadn’t checked on Belle. His daughter was two and a half years old, and had no idea who Roman was. It made John angry to think about. Roman deciding to stay married to Marlena was a relief, because she’d wanted it so badly. She felt strongly that staying together as a family unit would be the best way to help Sami heal. For the year that followed, John watched Marlena struggle emotionally. She exhausted all of her energy trying to fix her broken marriage, and help Sami, while Roman worked incessantly, and was rarely home. Finally, in January of 1995, Roman was gone. He took a deep cover ISA assignment, and vanished. John simply didn’t understand it.

He’d stepped in when he was needed. John would take Sami to softball practice, or pick up groceries to drop them off. Belle and Brady behaved like siblings, because they were together so often. Often John looked at the little girl, and wished she were his. She could have been. So many of her characteristics, and facial expressions reminded him of Brady. So, it would be easy to believe she could be his. Marlena mentioned it once, and laughed, saying the two children spent so much time together, that they’d begun to mimic each other. 

Kristen struggled with John’s devotion to Marlena and her children. He knew that. He’d tried to help her understand that he was simply unable to break those familial ties. He viewed Sami as his daughter, and Marlena, by extension, was the mother of his child. Belle? Belle was mixed up in all of it. He’d delivered her, watched her take her first breath, and placed her in Marlena’s arms. She wasn’t his child, but try and explain that to his heart. When she looked up at him with her wide hazel eyes, and her strawberry blonde hair, looking every inch a vision of her mother, John didn’t care that she wasn’t his daughter. She called him Poppy, and he loved her like his own.

John stepped out into the garden, breathing in the balmy spring air. Stretching his back, he walked to the bench he’d had placed by the lilac bushes. Kristen had balked when John had them planted. She thought they looked unseemly, and wild. They reminded John of Marlena, but he would never tell Kristen that. He sat down, and took a deep breath, holding the scent in his body, and releasing it slowly. 

The day before, he had overseen the installation of a security system in Marlena’s home. John had become increasingly concerned over the last year as a result of Stefano’s growing obsession with her. It had started when Stefano had amnesia months earlier. Forgetting his past didn’t negate his obsessive tendencies, and once Stefano’s memories returned, his pinpoint focus on Marlena had only increased. Roman’s absence only served to increased John’s agitation and fear. Roman should be in Salem, taking care of his family. He should be protecting them. Instead he’d run from his problems, and left them behind.

John was struggling with trying to find that love he’d felt for Kristen when he’d married her. It had nearly destroyed him in Aremid when she doubted his innocence. She was his wife. The one person who should love him, and believe in him. Instead, she’d doubted and thought him a killer. She’d allowed her father to whisper lies in her ears, and plant seeds of doubt. 

Again, Marlena stepped forward proving to him, and everyone around them, that she would always believe in him, even if the rest of the world thought the worst. His wife had failed him, but Marlena stood by him, she fought for him, she promised to raise his son if he died…and, in the end, John realized he still loved her. He’d never stopped loving her. When all was said and done, his innocence was proven, and Kristen begged for his forgiveness. She was his wife, and John knew, sometimes marriage was difficult, but it was finding out that she was pregnant that ultimately made him decide to try and make his marriage work. 

Sometimes, he felt as if he had two lives. One of those lives was in Marlena’s house, with Belle, Brady, and Sami. It was full of laughter, and Sami’s begrudging smiles, but John could tell she was slowly forgiving them for what they’d done. She was finding her way back to her mother. Then there was his life with Kristen, in the DiMera mansion. It was quiet, austere, with staff lurking about corners, and gourmet dinners. Some people might dream of a life like that, but most of the time, John found his mind across town, wondering what awful meal Marlena might have conjured up that evening, wishing he was there to eat it and complain along with Sami.

Even though John was trying to rebuild his trust with Kristen, he knew Kristen was struggling as well. In Aremid, her lack of faith in him had created so much doubt, he’d given his power of attorney to Marlena. She’d been given control of his finances, and custody of Brady. Kristen now found herself feeling insecure, and needing almost constant affirmation that he loved and cared for her. They’d argued about it viciously a few days prior, with Kristen yelling…

“You gave her everything! I’m your wife, and you didn’t trust me to raise Brady? You gave her your power of attorney John!”

“Did you expect anything else?” he’d roared. “Did you? Kristen! You thought me a murderer!”

“I’m sorry! I’ve said repeatedly that I’m sorry. Tony’s evidence was so convincing,” she cried. “And my father—”

“—More convincing than my word? I swore to you, I was innocent, and still you didn’t believe me,” he whispered harshly. “Doc was all I had!”

The following day, Kristen’s blood pressure spiked, and she was having abdominal cramps. John had rushed her to the hospital, desperate to save their baby. Dr. Bader told them to too whatever they could to keep Kristen’s pregnancy as stress-free as possible. That meant no more arguing. John trailed his fingers through the blossoms on the lilac bush beside him, pulling the flowers towards his face, and taking another deep breath, whispering softly, “Marlena…”

Marlena was divorcing Roman. She’d never said a word to John about it. He hadn’t known until the morning of the previous day, as he sat eating breakfast with Kristen. A quick blurb, five pages into the paper, a notice of divorce between Marlena Evans Brady and Roman Brady on the grounds of abandonment. He’d been shocked, and made a point of asking her, before he left to go home. 

John remembered standing in the kitchen, after Sami had taken Belle upstairs to bathe her. Handing him a cup to dry, Marlena continued washing dishes, as he’d asked her, “Were you going to tell me, Doc?”

She sighed softly, knowing exactly what he was asking her about, “There’s nothing to tell, John. It has nothing to do with you.”

“I know that,” he said softly. “I know. I just thought you might have mentioned it.”

“Roman has been gone more than a year. I decided to end the marriage, because he’s left us. I can’t wait forever. Maybe if he’d contacted me, or sent word, but he hasn’t, and I’ve been on my own for over a year.”

“You have me. I help you as much as I can, Doc. You aren’t alone—”

“—John!” she said turning to face him. “I shouldn’t be depending on you! You aren’t my husband! You have a wife, and soon, a baby, and instead of being at home with her right now, you’re helping me wash the dishes from dinner!”

He didn’t respond. There was nothing to say, because she was right. Instead he asked her, “Does Sami know?”

“I—I spoke with her a few days ago…she’s sad…upset…but I think, she knew it would end this way. She’s struggling with losing him again. She’s so angry…but I’m thankful that she’s directing it to the proper source. She’s angry at Roman, and that’s natural, even healthy. She’s not turning it inward like she did before…when she was angry at us…over the affair. Her eating disorder is under control, and she’s not self-harming anymore,” Marlena said, releasing the plug in the sink, and allowing the water to drain. As she dried her hands on a tea towel, Marlena said, “Dr. Bower says her anger towards you and I is resolving itself, and he’s even seen her occasionally be empathetic about what we were feeling during that time.”

“That’s good, Doc. That’s good.”

“He said, she’s come to depend on you a lot, and that she’s reluctant to admit it most of the time.”

“She’s hanging onto that anger,” he said. “That’s okay. I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing. I’ll be here for her when she needs me, even when she thinks she doesn’t need me…but I’ll always be available for her.”

All day with Marlena, smelling her scent, being in her space, and hearing her laugh, it only made him love her more. He’d thought he was over it. At least, he’d told himself, he’d moved on. He was married to Kristen, but since Aremid, it was so much more. The longing was nearly unbearable. He worried about what he might cry out in his sleep, since he dreamed of Marlena nearly every night. Dreams of his lips on her skin, and his fingernails digging into her soft flesh. Dreams of his tongue lapping over her smooth neck, and burying his cock deep in her moist recesses. It was driving him mad. His desire and love for her, combined with his fear of what Stefano might plan to do to her, it was infiltrating every aspect of his life. He wasn’t certain he could continue to hide it from Kristen. It was possible that she knew already.

Kristen stared down into the garden, and watched John sit on the bench near the ugliest purple bushes she’d ever seen. She hated them. She knew what they were, what they represented, and why he’d wanted them planted there to begin with. There was nothing she could say or do, without letting on that she knew he was associating them with Marlena. Maintaining the empathetic and caring persona she had moved to Salem with was nearly impossible. She’d changed. In Aremid, a deep, festering rage and desperation had taken hold of her. She had allowed her father to get into her mind, planting insecurity and doubt about John’s love. Since their return from Aremid, she watered and fed those doubts like a garden in her mind.

She had watched John and Marlena together. The hand holding, the whispering, John’s soft touches to Marlena’s face and neck. It disgusted her. She’d watched Marlena stare into John’s eyes, and read every emotion there. It was obvious to Kristen, and likely everyone else, how much Marlena still loved John. When Kristen realized she was pregnant, she’d been relieved. Relieved that she now had a way to maintain the precarious grip she had on her husband. John would never abandon a child. He would never leave her, if he’d made a commitment, and there was a baby involved.

Kristen’s cellular phone rang, and she snatched it up quickly, “I know it’s you, father! Why are you calling me right now?”

“The security system that John had installed in Marlena’s home yesterday…do you know the maker?” Stefano asked her.

“Certified Security Systems,” she said hurriedly, staring back out the window. “Are you finally going to take care of this problem, or not?”

“Kristen, don’t worry. I will have her in my possession within the week,” Stefano said with a slow drawl of his voice. “I had to put some protocols in place before I can take her. I would think you would be more appreciative.”

“Appreciative?” she hissed. “He’s been mooning after her like a dog in heat since we returned from Aremid. I need her gone now!”

Stefano laughed, “Soon enough, Kristen. Soon enough. I will have my Queen of the Night, and you will have John Black all to yourself.”

Chapter 2

Oh, how you shine in my time of darkness

Oh, how you shine when everything seems hopeless

You know how to help me 

When I can’t stand on my own

Don’t let go now…

You Are the Light – Maria McKee

Marlena sat on the couch in her office, shaken and overwhelmed. She saw that a nurse, and a security guard was still there, as well as Mike, the Chief of Staff, and her best friend, Laura, who also happened to be Mike’s mother. She was surrounded literally, but also figuratively. There was no way Laura or Mike would allow her to downplay what had happened. She was attacked by a patient. She could have died, if it weren’t for a security button John had insisted that she install a few years ago following the incident with her patient, Frank. John had again saved her life. It had been years since she’d misjudged a patient so gravely. 

Mike Horton took her blood pressure again, “Marlena, I’d like to admit you for the night. I don’t feel comfortable allowing you to drive yourself home. You lost consciousness for a significant amount of time, you have bruising around your throat, and across your face, and your blood pressure is still very high. It’s sitting at 181/118. That’s dangerously high.”

“Mike,” Marlena said softly, trying to clear her throat. “I understand your concerns, but the blood pressure will come down. You know that. I have to get home to Sami, Brady, and Belle. I don’t have anyone to watch them—”

“—I called John,” Laura said quickly. She watched her friend waiting for the explosion that was sure to come. Laura had known since their time in Aremid that Marlena still had feelings for John. Deep feelings. They’d spoken about it once or twice; however, it always ended with Marlena insisting that she was married to Roman, and that was a commitment before G-d, whether he was present or not.

Marlena’s eyes snapped up to stare at her friend in shock, “Laura Horton! Why would you do that? You know exactly how he’s going to react. You know!” John had been increasingly overprotective since Stefano’s return to town, going so far as to invade her house two days earlier, and install a security system. He would be here within minutes. “When did you call him?

Laura smiled mischievously, “About fifteen minutes ago…Marlena, a patient attacked you.! They could have killed you, if you hadn’t tripped the alarm. I know that you want to believe that you don’t need help…but tonight you do,” Laura told her best friend with care. “We care about you, and you can be reckless with your safety when it comes to your work. You either allow John to take you home, or you’re admitted to the hospital for the night.”

Marlena sighed, feeling the pain radiate down the line of her throat, “I just don’t see why—”

“—Where is she?” John said loudly from the waiting room of her office. Whoever he’d ask, was not given time to respond, because he didn’t wait for an answer, as he pushed the door open to the interior portion of Marlena’s office. His heart stuttered, and started again quickly. Marlena sat on her boring beige office couch, surrounded by emergency staff, as well as Mike and Laura. He kneeled down in front of her, placing his palms on her knees, and the edge of her pale pink skirt. She was a mess. Her makeup was smeared from her tears, her hair was tangled in a halo surrounding her face, while her fingernails seemed broken and chipped. She’d obviously been attacked. Looking at Mike, John asked roughly, with tears in his own voice “What happened to her?”

Marlena could see him barely holding his emotions in check. Wanting to comfort him, in all the ways he was there to comfort her, she touched his arm lightly. “John, I’m fine. Honestly,” she said with a raspy voice. “A patient—”

“—Shit, Doc…” John ran his fingers along her collarbone, and over the finger shaped bruises on her neck. His thumb brushed over the bruise blooming along her cheekbone, “Shit…Baby, what happened?”

Baby. Unable to hold her emotions in check at his gentle ministrations, Marlena cried softly, “I tried to stop him…I tried, but he was…” Her voice trailed off, and she wiped at her tears furiously, smearing her makeup even further. She tried to clear her throat, but she could tell Mike was right about possible swelling. Finally she managed, “He was too strong…”

“C’mere, Baby. C’mere,” John said softly, pulling her close to him as he sat on the couch beside her. His palm ran gently over her soft, blonde hair, and Marlena nearly collapsed in exhaustion against him with a small sob.

Mike sighed, watching John take care of a woman who used to be his wife, as if he loved her more than anything else on the Earth. “John, she’s refusing to allow me to admit her. If I allow her to go home, someone’s going to have to watch her for at least 24 hours. She’s got a concussion, and her blood pressure is still very high. I’m concerned about swelling in her throat—”

“—I’ll do it—”

“—John—” Marlena started to say.

“—Doc, I’ll call Kristen, but I said, I’ll do it,” he told her firmly. “Is Sami at home?”

“Yes,” Marlena whispered. “She has Belle and Brady at the house.”

“Okay, let me give her a call, and then I’ll call Kristen,” he said reaching for his cellular phone in his jacket pocket.

Mike said to Marlena, “You need to take at least a week off.”

She started to argue, but her throat hurt so much, she could barely speak, “Mike, my patients—”

“—Marlena,” Laura said softly. “I’ll speak with Chelsea in the morning, and cancel your appointments for the week. I’ll handle any emergencies that might arise while you’re at home, but you are taking time off. I love you, but you look horrible right now. You’ll probably scare your patients away.”

John continued to cradle Marlena in his arms. He wanted to find the person that had done this to her, and rip their head from their body. He listened to the telephone ring, and heard Sami’s voice come over the line. “Hey, Sami,” he said, in his usual slow drawl. “Your mother has been injured at work, and I’m bringing her home. I was hoping you could talk to Brady and Belle. Just tell them she was hurt, and they might see some bruises. I don’t want them to be scared.”

Sami felt her anxiety rising. There was a tremble in the muscles all over her body, followed by a roar in her ears. Her mother. She was constantly afraid of something. Constantly scared that her life would upend itself, yet again, and she’d be lost, “Hurt? How did she get hurt?”

John could hear the anxiety in Sami’s voice, “I can explain when I get there, okay, Peanut? I will take care of your Mom, you know that. I will.”

Sami hung up the telephone, both grateful and relieved that John was once again there when they needed him. If she was honest with herself, which she rarely was, John was always there for them. He was there when Sami hated him, and wanted him gone forever. He was there when she needed him, and refused to admit it. He had only let her down once in her life. The day he said goodbye, and put her to bed with a soft kiss on her forehead, saying, he would always love her, and always be there for her. Then he had walked out of her life, and left her and Eric in a house with strangers for parents. He had let her down that day, more than he would ever know.

John dialed his home number, and wrapped his arm more tightly around Marlena, kissing her softly on the top of her head, waiting for his wife to answer the call. Kristen answered the telephone, already frustrated that John had once again rushed off to the aid of Marlena, “Hello?”

John cleared his throat, “Kristen, hey honey, listen, Doc’s been attacked at work. She’s pretty banged up, and Mike tried to get her to stay the night in the hospital, but you know Doc. She’s being stubborn.” Marlena looked up at him quickly with a frown on her face, but said nothing to interrupt him. He continued with a smirk, “So, I’m going to take her home, and stay the night, because she’s going to have to be woken every few hours.”

Kristen found herself almost whining, “John, can’t someone else do that? We were going to have a nice, romantic dinner together.”

“I’m sorry. I know you had everything planned for tonight,” he said. “Maybe we can do it tomorrow. Brady is already at the house with Sami, so you can have a relaxing evening alone, and I can just sleep on Marlena’s couch. I’ll see if Caroline can stay with her tomorrow, and I’ll be home before lunch.”

Kristen took a deep breath, forcing the rage she felt bubbling, to go settle. Swallowing the bile rising in her throat, she said with saccharine sweetness, “Okay, that’s fine, honey. I understand. I hope she’s okay. That’s so scary. I don’t know what I’d do, if that happened to me. She’s so lucky to still have you in her life.”

“You are the kindest person,” John said softly. “She’ll be fine. I’ll let her know that you’re concerned about her.” John disconnected the call, and glanced around the room. Everyone had left while he’d been talking, and he’d failed to even notice. “Doc, are you sure you don’t want to be admitted just for observation?’

“I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t be here when…”

John knew that when a severe stress response was triggered in Marlena, she would sometimes have nightmares, “Okay. Okay, Doc, I’ll take you home.”

“I—I need to wash my face, and comb my hair. I can’t go home looking like this, and scare the children.”

In Marlena’s restroom, John sat Marlena on the closed toilet lid, and ran a washrag under cool water. Kneeling in front of her, he began to wipe her destroyed make-up from her face, making gentle swiping motions under her eyes, while she sat there patiently. He rarely allowed himself to be this close to her, so he took the opportunity to breathe deeply, and hold her essence in his lungs.

“I’m sorry about your dinner with Kristen,” Marlena whispered. 

“It’s fine, Doc,” he replied quietly. The silence in the small room was deafening, and intimate. “I told her we could do it tomorrow.”

“I know…but I still feel bad. She probably put a lot of effort into it, and—”

“—Hey, when I was in Aremid, and the majority of the world believed I’d killed Tony. You didn’t. You dropped everything to be by my side, and support me. Marlena, you are my best friend. My absolute best friend…hell, we’re more than friends. There’s not a word for what you mean to me. Kristen will be fine. She understands,” John said. “Let me do this. Let me take care of you tonight, okay?”

Marlena smiled softly, and then winced as the cut on her lip split again, and started seeping blood. John leaned closer, smiling at her, “No more smiles tonight, Doc.” The washrag gently dabbed, and swiped at her bloody lip, and Marlena could feel his breath waft over her face. She didn’t think she could ever love anyone as much as she loved John. That’s why she’d finally decided to divorce Roman. She couldn’t continue to lie to herself. She couldn’t have John. He wasn’t hers to love, but she loved him anyway. Roman had left her to raise their children alone, and she continued to find herself in situations with John, where the pull was so strong, she knew…she simply knew that she would have another affair if the opportunity arose. Nothing would stop her, and that scared her. It scared her so badly. It was time to divorce Roman. 

John saw the expressions and the emotions flit and flutter through Marlena’s eyes. She had the most expressive eyes. Their eyes caught and held for a moment, and John’s thumb brushed over her bottom lip gently, before he cleared his throat and said gruffly, “Well, your face is clean. Let’s take care of that hair.” He stood up, reaching for Marlena’s hairbrush, and then stepped behind her.

“John,” she whispered. “I can brush my own hair.”

He handed her the brush, and watched her wince as she attempted to raise her arm behind her, and run it through the honey colored strands. Asking her with a bit of snark, “How’s that working for you, Doc?”

Dropping her arm with a sigh, Marlena didn’t respond. She simply sat quietly, and handed him the hair brush. Standing behind her, John didn’t have to school his features. He closed his eyes, breathing her in once again, catching whiffs of her shampoo, as he ran the brush through her hair. The strands of silk combed through his fingers, reminding him of other times. Times when they were alone in their bedroom, and Marlena’s shoulders were bare. Times when he would brush her hair, and then randomly stroke his fingers along the soft skin of her collarbone. He stopped combing, and placed the brush on the edge of the sink. John cleared his throat yet again, and said, are you ready, Doc?”

“Yes,” she said standing up. “I’d like to change my clothes.”

John noted the torn fabric at her neckline, and he saw the drops of blood on her jacket. Reaching into the small closet, he took out the set of extra clothes she kept there. Marlena looked at him softly. Those small moments, and gestures, the ones that indicated how well he knew her…they made her love him more. He stepped in front of her, and began to unbutton her jacket, pushing it from her shoulders.

Marlena looked up at him, questions in her eyes, “John?”

“Don’t, Doc,” he said quietly. “You couldn’t even comb your hair. It’s nothing. A friend helping a friend.”

“A friend helping a friend,” she repeated, even as the feel of his fingers, as he untied the bow at her neckline, caused her nipples to pebble, and her breath to hitch.

His hands spread the fabric of her shirt open, and smoothed over her shoulders, tugging it off of her body. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, studying every freckle dotting her skin. It had been so long since he had seen her like this, and even as his hand reached around her, unbuttoning her skirt, he knew, he needed to break the connection, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t break his eyes away from hers, and he took a deep breath, taking in the heat of her body, and the rich scent of her at the end of a long day. Allowing her skirt to drop to the floor, he finally looked away. He took in the sight of her body – her long legs, her skin-toned thigh high stockings, the high cut lace edged teddy. He didn’t mean to, but he groaned, barely above a whisper, “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Doc.”

She was under a spell, leaning towards him, craving him. There were no thoughts of Roman, or Kristen. There was nothing in the room with them, but the other. Marlena shivered violently, whether from cold or from arousal, John’s deep blue eyes were back on hers, and he said, “Here…hold on…” He knelt down in front of her, holding her sweatpants, and watched her remove her shoes, “Step in…”

Whether she intended to further seduce him, she wasn’t sure, but before they left her office, Marlena stepped closer, rose up on her toes and touched his face softly, whispering, “Thank you,” just before she kissed him gently on the corner of his mouth. John felt his cock twitch, and he felt the cool air of the room settle on the wet spot that lingered.

He watched her turn to open the door, and he lifted the bag with her clothing and her purse in it, intent on following her, while he muttered under his breath, “Fuck…”

Chapter 3

Nothing fits and everything feels wrong

I guess it’s useless to deny it

I’ll admit that I’ve been crying

Guess I’m not so independent after all

To Miss Someone – Maria McKee

“Poppy!” Belle shrieked when John walked thought the front door leading Marlena by the hand.

Sami noticed the hand holding immediately, but said nothing. She eyed them warily, saying with bored sarcasm, “Hey, Poppy.”

John released Marlena’s hand, reaching for Belle, and scooping the child into his arms. He looked at Sami with a smirk, and said, “Hey, Peanut! Let’s get your Mom up to bed, because she’s had a rough day—”

“—John, I can sit on the couch with them for a bit,” Marlena said.

“No, Doc,” he said sternly. He kissed over Belle’s face several times and then placed her back on the floor. “They can see you upstairs if you want, but Mike said for you to be in bed, and bed is where you’re going. Let’s go.” Looking towards Sami, John ruffled her hair, causing her to scowl, and said, “Can you grab that bag, Sami?” He turned to Brady, who was tugging on his leg, and said, “Hey, slugger. Did you have dinner?”

“They’ve eaten dinner already. I made them macaroni and cheese with chicken nuggets, since Brady has a chicken nugget obsession,” Sami said following John towards the stairs. She nearly started laughing when her mother squawked as John scooped her up, and began to carry her up the stairs. He seemed to do it with almost no effort, and Sami wondered if someday she might find a man to carry her up flights of stairs. 

“John Black! Put me down,” Marlena demanded, smacking his shoulder.

John laughed loudly, “Mike said, you have a concussion, and I’m not going to risk you falling down the stairs. Quit complaining, Doc.”

Sami could hear the patter of feet behind them. Brady said to Belle, “Hold my hand, otay? I help you.”

They all trooped into Marlena’s bedroom, and John placed Marlena carefully on the bed, smoothing her hair back from her face, and then lifting Belle onto the bed, so she could hug her. Sami got the first real look at her mother, and had to immediately school her reaction so she didn’t upset Belle and Brady. There were burgeoning bruises all around her neck and collarbones, in varying shades of pink and red. They were obviously new and would change color over the next few days. Sami felt nauseous. No one had bruising like that, unless they were violently attacked. Marlena had a bruise across her cheek, and her eyes was swollen and bloodshot, making it obvious that someone has struck her with a closed fist. Sami gasped softly, standing immobile with shock, “Mom…”

Marlena tried to smile, “It looks worse than it is, Sami.”

She stepped closer, “Mom…what happened?”

John leaned down staring into Belle’s eyes, “Hey, Tink, give Mama a hug, and then it’s off to bed. Your mama and Sami need to talk.”

“I wanna hug Mama!” Brady cried, scrambling onto the bed. Sami watched the small boy, but didn’t say anything. He’d been referring to Marlena as Mama intermittently for the last week. She didn’t know how to stop him, and he was around so often, it didn’t seem to matter.

Sami finished helping Brady up, saying with humor, “Hurry up, brat…I let you stay up too late anyway.”

Brady giggled, standing on the bed, and launched himself back towards Sami, “I lub you! I lub you like a chiken nugget!”

She kissed him, “Wow, thanks. I lub you, too. I lub you like a rash. Now give her a hug, and then go with John to get ready for bed.”

“I’m sleepin’ here?” Brady asked with a little hop, almost falling over Belle. “You hear dat Belle? I’m sleepin’ over!”

Marlena wrapped both children in her arms, kissing them goodnight, and watched as John carried them both out of the room, with a smile on her face. It was bittersweet to Sami. Bittersweet, because even after every scheming thing she had done to try and save her parents marriage, Roman had left anyway, and whether her mom would admit it or not, she was always in John’s orbit. Her mother would always feel that pull towards him. At least Sami knew that love was real. 

Sometimes she considered breaking down, and telling the truth. She’d considered sitting her mother and John down, and telling them what she had done with Belle’s blood test, but the shame was too great, and the fear was too consuming. When John left Sami in her bed on that last night in their home, he had taken with him all of the love and trust she possessed for the man she considered her Daddy. He became John, and he couldn’t be depended on. Dr. Bower was trying to help her understand that there were other dynamics at play during that time, but Sami struggled. The little girl in her couldn’t understand, and the teenager in her was too stubborn to ask for clarification.

Sami’s mind had thought, if she couldn’t count on him when she was his little girl, why would Belle be any different? Maybe he would be there for awhile, but he would leave Belle, too. He would leave Belle destroyed, so Sami kept the secret of what she’d done, and she watched. She watched, afraid of the truth. She knew it wouldn’t last forever. There were times when Belle was so much like John it made her heart ache, and she wondered how no one else noticed. How did they not see what was so obviously plain to her?

Sitting on the bed next to Marlena, she asked her, “What happened?”

“I underestimated a patient. It happens sometimes. Not often, but it happens,” Marlena said quietly, reaching for her daughters hand. She looked at Sami for a moment, and told her, “It happened a few years ago, when Roman was gone looking for your Uncle Bo.”

Sami ached inside a little. That was when everything had changed. When she hadn’t even known Roman, and he’d disappeared again. She cried silently into her pillow every night, wishing for her real Daddy to come save her. But John never came. She asked her mother quietly, “What happened then?”

“John saved me. It seems John always saves me,” Marlena said with a bit of wistfulness. “He got to the man before he could even touch me…it was surreal. I was in my office, I screamed, and before I even knew what was happening John was there…like a manifestation from thin air. He had him pinned against the wall, yelling something about being my guardian angel. You and Eric were with your grandparents for a few days after that. I was so shaken.”

“You never told me that story.”

Marlena studied her daughter for a moment, knowing that it hadn’t come up, because Sami hadn’t been receptive to anything related to John since the affair. Marlena shrugged, “It never came up. But after that, John insisted that I get an alarm in my office, just in case. That alarm saved my life tonight.”

Sami was quiet for a moment. She couldn’t say it out loud, how grateful she was. How happy she was to have her mother holding her hand right then. Dr. Bower had asked her several times to invite John to a session, so she could tell him how much he hurt her when he left to make a family with Isabella. That was the root of all of her anger. It wasn’t the affair. It wasn’t Belle’s paternity. Her anger was rooted in John’s absence, and how he’d never chosen to fight for her. Sami sometimes thought maybe she wasn’t worth fighting for.

“So…the same thing happened again? A patient attacked you tonight? In your office?”

“Yes. He’s ill Sami, and he’s in the hospital getting the help he needs right now,” Marlena told her. “I’m going to be bruised, and sore for the next few days, but I’m alive.”

“Because of John…and the alarm…”

“Yes, because of John.”

“I’m—I’m glad he made you get the alarm, and I’m glad he brought you home tonight,” Sami said. “Is he really going to sleep on the couch, and get up to wake you every hour all night?”

“He’s pretty stubborn, so I’m sure the answer to that question is yes.”

“Okay,” she said slowly.

“Does that bother you? John staying here?”

“He hasn’t stayed here since he was my Daddy,” Sami said in a small voice. “It feels weird.”

“He doesn’t have to stay. I could call Laura if you’d like?”

Sami was quiet while she thought about it, but finally, she said, “It’s okay. Tomorrow’s Saturday.”

“Is Saturday significant?”

With a slight, reluctant smile, Sami replied, “It is if John still does pancakes on Saturdays.”

“You want pancakes, Peanut?” John asked striding back into the bedroom. “Because if I remember correctly, you used to like them with chocolate chips, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce.”

“John! That sounds like pure sugar! That’s not breakfast!” Marlena exclaimed.

With a shrug of his shoulders, he said with a short laugh, “It was Saturday.”

“Yeah, Mom,” Sami said with a laugh of her own. “It was Saturday.”

“Hey, Peanut, you still keep the extra blankets in the closet at the end of the hall?”

“Yeah, but it might be easier to use Eric’s old sleeping bag, and just crash on the floor,” Sami replied. “But if you wanna wake up every hour, and hike up those stairs to make sure Mom’s still breathing, that’s on you.”

Sami turned to walk out of the room, and John glanced over at Marlena quickly, wondering what she would make of Sami’s last comment. Marlena was a little surprised, but she knew that Sami’s anger had been resolving itself slowly. “It makes more sense,” Marlena said slowly. Having John so near while she slept, even if it was on the floor beside her bed, she wanted that more than she should. She could feel it inside her. That was why she should probably say that it was a bad idea, he should sleep on the couch. Unable to do the right thing, Marlena told him, with a teasing grin, “Apparently it’s sleepover night.”

John’s gut clenched with want, and he cleared his throat, saying, “Yeah. Yeah…okay. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Stop…oh, G-d, please stop…” Marlena gasped in her sleep. Her head thrashed on her pillow, and her breathing was erratic. “No…” she cried. “No…no…”

The moonlight streaming in the window, provided enough light to see by, and John was up, as soon as he heard her cry out. Sitting beside her, he stroked her face gently, “Doc…hey, come on, baby, wake up…wake up…”

“Stop!” she screamed, waking herself abruptly. She was disoriented at first, but then…she smelled John, while he pulled her into his arms. She heard his breathing. She listened to his heart.

“Shhhh,” he said softly. “It was just a dream, baby…you knew this might happen…”

Sami listened at the door outside her mothers bedroom, while John continued to calm and sooth Marlena. He called her mother, baby. Leaning her head back against the wall, she heard him say, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I dreamt about when Kellam raped me,” Marlena whispered in a choked voice. “His hands held me down, and he kept saying I was a tease…and I—I wanted it. I think what happened tonight…the way my patient attacked me…it brought it back up. The helplessness, the pain, the inability to fight back against someone stronger.”

“One thing a man should never do, is use force against a woman. No means no, baby. What Kellam did to you, all those years ago, was a violation of your trust. It was a violation of your body, and your choice. What happened tonight was the same thing. He attacked you with the same intent,” John whispered. 

Her mother’s patient had tried to rape her? Sami didn’t understand why her mother didn’t tell her that. Marlena had only said she’d been attacked, but then Sami realized that the details were private. Marlena had come home in a matching jogger set, and her make-up had been washed off. Then she thought about the bag that John had her bring upstairs with her mother’s clothes in it. She didn’t know her mother had been raped before. Sami was learning over the last few years, that much of what she thought she knew…she was wrong about. It was like Dr. Bower said, she was looking through the lens of a child, but she was a young woman now.

Marlena sobbed into John’s bare shoulder, realizing that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. His heat radiated into her body, and his scent comforted her in a way that nothing else could. She lifted her head, wiping the moisture from his skin, saying softly, “I’m sorry. I’m crying all over you.”

“Doc, we knew that tonight might trigger these memories, and I’m glad now that Sami suggested I sleep in here. I wouldn’t want you dealing with this alone.”

“This happened after Stockholm and Orpheus,” she whispered. “Do you remember? I remember waking up, having nightmares about Samantha’s murder, or remembering what Kellam did to me, and you would hold me. You would soothe me. You would…” She stopped speaking, because they both know what he would do. He would love her. He would make love to her.

“I did,” he said softly, with a hitch in his voice, pushing her hair back from her face. “I… would do anything to take away your pain. You know that.”

She wished he could make love to her now. His soft hands on her skin, reminding her of real love…and tenderness. Instead she said, “Can you—can you get me some water? Mike was right…my throat is sore.”

Sami continued to sit on the floor outside Marlena’s bedroom, and listen to the private conversation between her mother and John. There was so much she didn’t know about her Mom. John seemed to know it all. What would it feel like to be in love with her best friend? John was her mother’s best friend. She knew that. She also knew that her mother was still in love with John. Sami would catch her watching him sometimes, and a couple years ago, it incited a burning rage deep inside of her. Now…well, now, it was so commonplace, Sami barely noticed. Besides, John watched her mother, too.

“Why don’t you lay back down, and try to get some more rest?” John said, placing the water glass on the bedside table.

“I’m scared,” Marlena whispered, staring up at John with wide eyes. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“I’ll be right here, on the floor beside you. I can even hold your hand as you fall asleep, if you’d like,” John told her.

She wanted him. John. In her bed, with his arms around her. She wanted to breathe him in, and fall asleep knowing he was with her. Marlena asked him softly, “Can you…can you hold me? Like you used to?”

John was quiet for a moment. Her vulnerability would be his undoing, “Yeah, Doc. Yeah, I can hold you.”

Sami heard shuffling, and the moving of blankets, and then she heard her mother sigh, “Thank you.”

“Baby, you never have to thank me,” John whispered. “Never. You and I are like peas and carrots, Doc.”

Sami heard her mother laugh lightly, “Peas and carrots?”

“Sure, we’re great by ourselves, but together we’re amazing.” John leaned over her, kissing her forehead, his lips lingering a little longer than necessary, and then he pulled her body close. “Get some rest, you don’t want to miss my pancakes. You know Sami and Eric used to fight over who got the first pancake…so I usually gave it to Carrie, and said it was because she was the oldest.”

Marlena rolled her body into his, linking her leg through his, and resting her face in the dip of his neck. She whispered, “I know, I shouldn’t say this…I shouldn’t be feeling this, but I’ve missed this.”

John felt emotion begin to choke him, and he whispered back, “Go to sleep, Doc. You need rest.”

Sami stood up quietly, and made her way back to her bedroom. Is this what her life could have been like? If John hadn’t left them to go make a life with Isabella, could they have been a family, eating pancakes on Saturdays, and maybe watching movies, and having pizza on Fridays? When she thought about it too much, she found herself getting angry again. It made her feel those feelings, of a lost little girl named Sami. A child who’s daddy left her, and never looked back. It was best to push that back down, and go to sleep.

The room was silent, and then, John felt Marlena’s lips against his neck. Soft, moist lips, as she kissed him softly. She knew she shouldn’t, but she did it anyway. One soft kiss against his flesh, before she whispered, “Okay.”

Chapter 4

So now I’m askin’ you once again

To understand and to be my friend

Oh, it hurts so bad to think you’d go

Still the same, I love you so

Don’t Toss Us Away – Maria McKee

Sami entered the kitchen to the smell of frying bacon and fresh brewed coffee, and it was as if her childhood memories were rolling her over with the intensity of emotion she felt. She could almost imagine Eric slamming the door wide, while screaming for pancakes, but Eric hadn’t been home in years. She knew why, but she wasn’t telling. John looked up from the mixing bowl in his arms, wearing the same apron he used to wear when Sami was small, the apron with cherries on it and pink ruffles. He smiled at her brightly, “Hey there, Peanut. Did you sleep well?”

Sami tried to act as if his presence in the kitchen didn’t bother her, when, in fact, it made her want to cry, because it felt so familiar. She nearly always tried to act bored around him. It was easier than being angry all the time. She flipped her long blond hair over her shoulder carelessly, and pulled a mug from the cupboard, saying softly, “Mom had a nightmare last night.”

John continued to mix for a moment, and said slowly, almost carefully, “She did.”

“I was listening at the bedroom door,” Sami said, pouring her coffee. “I know, I shouldn’t have been, but I was. I—I never knew that Mom was…no one ever told me that…”

She’d overheard them talking about Marlena’s rape. John looked at her seriously, and said gently, “It was a long time ago, Peanut. Before she even knew your father.”

“Before she knew you. Did her patient, the one who attacked her last night…was he trying to do that? Was he trying to rape her?”

“We think so. That’s why she had the nightmare. In the past, when something traumatic has happened, it has triggered these nightmares for your mother.”

“That’s what happened after Stella Lombard kidnapped her. She and Roman came to Colorado and she had nightmares…Roman got annoyed…”

“What? Why would he—”

“—She was scared, and she started—she started screaming for you in her sleep. He was bothered by it.”

John sighed, remembering the horror of being in that pit, and his very real fear that Marlena might die before help arrived, “We thought we were going to die down there.”

“Mom said, if you hadn’t found her, she would have died down there. John…I’m not a baby anymore. You don’t have to keep things from me,” Sami said, rummaging through the refrigerator for milk. “I mean you don’t have to give me details about things, but you also don’t have to treat me like I’m eight.”

“You’re Mom…worries about you. You’ve been through a lot in the last few years. She didn’t want to add to that,” John told her, pouring pancake batter into the sizzling pan. “You’ve made a lot of progress. We’re both so proud of you…she worries. That’s all. You know, when Carrie first came home, after the truth came out about what Stefano had done to us all, she and I made a pact.”

Sami eyed him warily, wondering where he was leading this conversation, “What kind of pact?”

“She could ask me whatever she wanted, and I promised to tell her the truth. If I felt like the truth might be too much, I would tell her I couldn’t answer the questions. Most of the time, I answered…you’ll be eighteen this fall,” John told her. “I figure we can be straight with each other, try and rebuild some of that trust we used to have.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said, sitting at the table, and reaching for the sugar dish. “I don’t believe that you’ll always tell me the truth.”

John watched her for a moment, “You mind telling me why?”

“You lied to me before, what’s gonna make me think you won’t do it again?” She said, staring at him for a moment before turning her head away.

“Your Mom and I…I’m sorry for what the affair did to your family—”

Sami looked up at him with hard eyes, “That’s not what I’m talking about!”

John sprinkled chocolate chips on the pancake before he flipped it in the pan. He was confused. If she wasn’t angry about the affair, what had the last few years been about? He turned to look at her again, “Do you mind telling what you are talking about? I’m no mind reader Samantha Gene.”

“It doesn’t matter. Forget it,” she said sullenly, stirring her coffee slowly, and hiding behind a veil of long blond hair. “It was a long time ago anyway,” she muttered.

“Oh, no,” John said, removing the pancake from the skillet, and turning off the heat. He stepped over to her, kneeling down in front of her, and looking up at her face, “You can’t say something with that kind of gravity, and then expect me to let it go.”

“Dammit. Shit. This is why I told Dr. Bower I didn’t want to talk to you in a session. You don’t let things go,” Sami sighed. John continued to stare at her, using his fingers to lightly tip her face so that she would look at him. Stay brave. Say it, Sami. Taking a deep breath she whispered, “You don’t know what it feels like to be a little girl that thought her Daddy hung the moon and the stars, and then he suddenly disappears…and it’s like she never mattered. His promises were worthless, because he said he’d always be there. He said, he promised because that’s what Daddy’s do…and then he left!”

John thinks she’s speaking about Roman, “Your father, Roman—”

“—You think, I’m talking about Roman?” Sami laughed with derision, with her voice rising. “G-d! You’re so dense sometimes, John!”

John was confused, Sami had been cold and distant since his affair with Marlena. She’d been so close to Roman. She tried to stand up from where she sat, but he put his hands on her knees, holding her in place, as he stared up at her, “Aren’t you? Aren’t you talking about Roman?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore! It hurts too much, and Dr. Bower is a dumbass for suggesting it, anyway,” Sami yelled wiping at her tears furiously. “Can you let me go, please?”

John began to feel a tightness in his chest, an anticipation. After years of anger, maybe she was finally ready to let him back in, “Not until I understand what’s going on! Where did I go so wrong, Samantha? If it’s not the affair with your mother, where did I mess up so badly? Because, I’ve been trying to fix this for years,” he told her, nearly begging for her to talk to him.

“I was talking about you!” she said loudly. “Now, let me go.”

Her words played back in his mind, and he stared at her in disbelief, You don’t know what it feels like to be a little girl that thought her Daddy hung the moon and the stars, and then he suddenly disappears…and it’s like she never mattered. His promises were worthless, because he said he’d always be there. He said he promised, because that’s what Daddy’s do…and then he left! 

“Me?” he nearly sobbed. “Oh, G-d, Sami…no! No! That’s not what happened! I didn’t—no…”

“Then what?” she cried. “What?”

“Roman was…shit, okay…let me get this out. Don’t run off halfway through, let me say my piece. Can you promise me that?”

Sami wiped her tears again, whispering, “Yes.”

“When Roman came back, and they’d determined that I wasn’t who I thought I was, your father thought that I might have a hypnotic trigger implanted in me. Something that could potentially make me violent or cause me to commit suicide,” John said. Sami stared at him in disbelief, but said nothing. “He thought I might hurt you or Eric, possibly Marlena. And I know that may sound ridiculous, but it’s not as far fetched as you think. You can ask Carrie if you don’t believe me. But, when you and Eric were very small…I did have a hypnotic trigger. A pagoda. I would go into trances…become someone else, anytime I saw one. I would become Stefano’s mercenary. So, Roman’s fear was founded, and my prior experience…it allowed Roman’s fears to scare me. I wondered if he might be right? If I wasn’t Roman Brady, who was I? What did I have the potential to do? And I worried, could I hurt you? ”

“You thought you might hurt us?”

“I didn’t know, Peanut, but Roman…Roman was adamant that I could…that I would with the right trigger, and I had no memories of my own. None. You were my little girl, Sami. You will always be my little girl, but I was so scared, scared of hurting you…and confused. So damned confused,” he said, hoping she could understand.

“You never came back. You never visited, and —and I saw you at Christmas, and I hated you. I hated you and your stupid silver hairbrush,” Sami said, thinking back to the gift he’d given her. “I hated all of it. I hated my life!”

“After awhile, after things had calmed down, I felt stronger, and I wanted to see you, and spend time with you, but Roman said it would only confuse you. You and Eric were finally adjusting to life with him and your mother…and you seemed happy, even though I wasn’t, so I stayed away. Then you were gone…you’d gone to Colorado, and when you came home…”

Sami was silent, waiting to see if John was going to speak after his voice trailed off. She finally said softly, “It wasn’t the affair. I mean, well, it kind of was, a little bit…but mostly it was the fact that you left us. You left Eric and me alone with a Mom, I barely knew, and a father who was…not you.”

He couldn’t stop himself. John wrapped his arms around Sami and pulled her into his arms, sitting on the floor with her, and he cried. He didn’t know what else to do. Sami cried, too, breathing in the familiar scent of her childhood. He smelled so much like home. She wrapped her arms around him, and cried. Both of them cried for what they lost, and they cried out their pain for the person in their arms. Neither one knew how long they sat there. John finally croaked out, “Just give me a chance, Peanut. I’ll answer any question you have, and I’ll be as truthful as I can, but don’t shut me out anymore. Please?”

She rested her head on his shoulder, and she whispered, “Okay.”

The kitchen door flew open, and Brady ran in screaming, “I smell bacon!” He stopped short when he saw John holding Sami as they sat on the floor. “We huggin?” the boy asked them with genuine curiosity.

Sami laughed, “Yeah, you’re a hug monster, aren’t you brat? Get over here.”

Brady ran over, falling on top of Sami and John, “I like hugs!”

Belle came into the kitchen, and threw herself into the pile with a giggle, causing even more chaos. Marlena followed behind slowly, wondering why there was a pile of bodies in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Sami rolled to the side trying to disengage from the stack of arms and legs around her. Standing up, she wiped her tears again, and cleared her throat, “So…about those pancakes?”

John stood up, wiping the tears from his own face, “Right. I was distracted.” Looking at Brady and Belle he said loudly, “Who wants pancakes?” As the children screamed their enthusiasm, oblivious to the emotional scene they had walked into, John’s eyes caught Marlena’s, and he mouthed the word later, before turning to finish making breakfast.

Marlena watched Sami sit back down at the small table in the kitchen, and she seemed to have a different look about her. More peaceful. Something had happened between her and John. Something big, and she would just have to trust that later, when the time was right, he would explain it to her.

Chapter 5

Whenever I’m alone and you’re lost out there

I can feel you breathe, ‘cause our lungs, we share

When I’m alone anytime, anywhere

I can feel your heart beat, ‘cause our blood, we share

Breathe – Maria McKee

First Week of June, 1996

John woke to the sound of the telephone ringing shrilly in his ear. Disoriented, and feeling groggy, he looked around in confusion. His bedroom was dark, lit only by the faint moonlight streaming in through the windows. Kristen groaned beside him, pulling the pillow over her head, and mumbling, “John, honey, can you answer that?”

In a daze, he answered the telephone, and before he could speak, he heard Sami screaming in panic, “Daddy! Daddy! Oh…G-d, Daddy, you have to come! You have to come now!”

“Sami, Peanut?” He sat up immediately, knowing innately that something was very wrong. Without thought, without question, John said, “Hey, hey, I’m on the way. I’m leaving right now. I’ll call you from my cell. Hold on…”

Hanging up the telephone, he reached for his cellular phone, and dialed Marlena’s house. Sami answered the phone on the first ring.  She was still crying, sobbing through her words, “Someone tried to take Mom! They drugged her…I think.” She stared at her mother’s prone form lying on the cold tile of the kitchen floor. “She won’t wake up! She’s on the kitchen floor, but she won’t wake up! I—I tried! And the guy that was kidnapping her…shit! I—I hit him over the head with a skillet! You know the one you make pancakes with? The really big one? And—and he’s s-still here too, and I don’t know what to do! Help me! Please! Belle is u-upstairs crying, but I can’t leave mom with this psychopath who was trying to kidnap her, but I’m not strong enough to move her!” She wailed in despair, “Daddy!” John could hear the pain in her. Holding the phone between his ear, and his shoulder, he struggled to get a pair of sweatpants on, while he yelled at Kristen, “Kristen! Wake up! You’ve gotta call Abe! Kristen!”

Kristen was so angry, she could scream. Sami’s wails could be heard across the bedroom. How did her father find the idiots that worked for him? Taken down by a seventeen year old girl with a frying pan! She moved to John’s side of the bed, picking up the phone, and dialed Abe Carver. She had no choice. Her father was going to have to come up with a better plan.

As Kristen’s spoke with Abe, John shoved his feet into a pair of running shoes, and pulled a t-shirt over his head, snatching his phone up again, “Sami, Sami, honey, calm down! I’m coming. I’m coming right now. Abe should be there soon, too.”

“Belle is crying! What do I do?” Sami wailed feeling helpless to get to the scared toddler.

John ran out the bedroom door screaming, “Kristen call Alice Horton! Ask her to get over to the house!”

Kristen sat in bed sulking, and wished, with all of her might, that she could ignore John’s shouted command; however, if he arrived at Marlena’s, and Alice wasn’t there, he would be suspicious. These damn do-gooder Salemites drove her batty sometimes. Dialing Alice Horton’s number, Kristen pasted on a saccharine sweet smile, and said, “Oh, Alice! I’m sorry to call so late, but there’s an emergency at Marlena’s, and Sami needs help with Belle.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John’s SUV screeched to a halt in front of Marlena’s home, and he ran into the house at a sprint. The front door was already wide open, and a police cruiser was parked outside. He couldn’t get to the kitchen fast enough, pushing past a police officer standing in the doorway, and yelling, “Where’s Doc?”

The scene before him both calmed his soul, and sped up his heart. Sami was there, and she was safe with Belle in her arms, and Alice nearby. Sami’s face was swollen and red from crying. Belle wasn’t looking much better, staring vacantly while her head rested on Sami’s shoulder. Marlena was on the floor, her blonde hair spread around her, and her face slack. She was being tended by Tom Horton, while the police had the suspect handcuffed, and face down on the kitchen floor. John had the strongest urge to cross the kitchen in one stride, and kick the man’s smug smile off of his face. 

“I told you asswipes,” the man said with a strong New York accent, “I ain’t speakin’ without a lawyer!”

Abe looked at the officer with him, and said, “Carson, I need you to come with me, to take him to the station. We can deal with him later.”

Tom waved to get John’s attention, “John! Can you help me get Marlena to the couch in the living room? Please? Her blood pressure is low, and this cold floor isn’t helping matters.”

Realizing that John was in the room, Sami shouted, “Daddy!” Every eye turned to her, as she nearly threw herself and Belle into John’s arms sobbing.

“Hey,” he whispered softly. “Hey, don’t cry, honey. We’ll get this sorted, okay?”

“Okay,” she said. “Okay, I was so scared.”

“Poppy,” Belle said with a smile, patting John’s shoulder fondly. “My Poppy?”

John smiled at her, touching her round cheek softly, “Yes, Belle, your Poppy…” Looking at Sami, he said, “I know you were scared, and you did the right thing. You called me.” He kissed her on her forehead, and then went to pick Marlena up from the floor.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she stared at him with wide-eyed awe, reaching up to touch his face softly, “John…” Her eyes gazed around her, as if she were present, but in a dreamlike state. “What happened?”

“Stefano happened,” John muttered. “But our Sami is a girl who thinks quick on her feet, and she’s pretty fierce with a skillet.”

Marlena smiled at him. She felt light, like air. She was floating, but she wasn’t, and John’s warmth soaked through her skin, making her want to dive into him. She wanted to swim in him. She rubbed her face along his neck, and she whispered, “You smell so good.”

John moaned low in his throat, and said quietly, so only she could hear him, “Doc, baby…you gotta stop that…” Carrying her carefully into the living room, he placed her body on the couch, and tried to step back, allowing Tom room to finish his exam, but she didn’t want to let go of him. He smiled at her, “You need to let go, Doc, so Tom can look you over.”

“Tom?” she said looking at the smaller man, standing beside John. “Oh, Tom! How are you?”

He smiled at her indulgently, and he said, “I’m doing fine, Marlena. We need to see how you’re doing.”

She looked at John again, and finally released her hold, “I’m doing…did you know John is here?”

John raised his eye brows at Tom, “Is she okay?”

“I think they drugged her to kidnap her, which means it wasn’t intended to hurt her. But I don’t know what they used, or what the effects will be. I also don’t know how long it’s going to be in her system,” Tom told him, digging through his medical bag. John moved out of the way, allowing Tom to sit beside Marlena. “Marlena,” Tom said very gently. “I need to draw some blood, so I can determine what drug you were given.”

“He gave me an…an…injection,” she said, seemingly confused. Her hand reached up, touching the side of her neck softly. “In my neck…I woke up, and I think it was my neck…” Looking up, her hazel eyes caught John’s deep blue ones, and she said, “John’s here. Did you know that, Tom?”

“I think I did,” he said with a small chuckle. “John can you do me a favor, and check her neck. Let me know if you can see an injection site.”

Marlena purred when she felt the pads of John’s fingers trail over the skin of her neck. She arched towards him, reaching for his arm, and held his hand there. Staring up at him, she told him, “I love you.”

John’s chest tightened, and he felt his heart skip, and stutter. He looked at her, knowing if she wasn’t under the influence of whatever was in her system, she wouldn’t have said that out loud.

Marlena reached for Tom’s arm, and she said, “Did you know that, Tom? Did you know that I love, John? That’s why I have to…why I have to divorce Roman…that’s why…” Her eyes fluttered shut, and Tom realized she’d gone back under whatever drug they’d injected her with.

“Tom!” John cried. “Is she okay?”

Tom sighed, “Her blood pressure is still low, but not dangerously low. I think we’re going to have to wait for this to work it’s way out of her bloodstream.” He finished his blood draw, and got back to his feet. “I’m going to get this over to the hospital to see if we can figure out what she was given.”

“What about Doc? Don’t we need to get her to the hospital?”

“I think when she wakes again, she’s going to be scared and disoriented. I don’t believe the intent was to kill her, but I do think…if she wakes in an unfamiliar environment, after what happened a few weeks ago, she could spiral quickly,” Tom said. “I think it’s best to keep her here now, and have someone watch her.”

Sami stood in the corner, watching John and Tom go back and forth about what would be best for her mother, but all she kept hearing is, Did you know that I love, John? That’s why I have to…why I have to divorce Roman…that’s why… Sami wasn’t surprised, she’d known that her mother was still in love with John. Hearing it out loud made it real. Hearing her mother say it, with such a soft and wistful tone, made Sami want that for her Mom. She wanted her mother to have that love, and that was a new feeling. A feeling that would take some getting used to. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami’s call had come in at almost 3:00 am, and they’d all stayed up for hours. Sami was finally able to get Belle back to sleep around 6:30 am, hoping that the toddler would at least get a few more hours of sleep. A chair was brought up, and John sat next to Marlena’s bed, holding vigil and watching her sleep. Every draw of her breath, every moan, and every sigh, was watched with fascination, just so he could reassure himself that she was safe, and she was still with him. 

Just before 7:00 am, Sami knocked on the door softly, and came in. John looked up from where he sat, and Sami noticed her mother’s hand held in his, “Is she doing okay?”

“She’s breathing, and I’ve checked her blood pressure a few times. It’s not as low as it was. I think Tom was right, and we need to let it run its course,” he told her. He paused for a moment, and then said, “You know Sami, going after the man who was kidnapping your mother was the bravest and stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

Sami smiled at him, and said quietly, “I know…I didn’t consider it at the time. I just wanted to stop him, but once everyone got here, once I saw you…I felt the fear then.”

“If you hadn’t done that, she’d be gone…but it was so damned dangerous,” he whispered. “You’ve always had that Irish spirit in you, Sami.”

She didn’t want to think about, when she needed him most, she’d cried out for her Daddy. Instead she told herself, it was a slip of the tongue. She wasn’t thinking, and it didn’t mean anything, “I’ll take that as a compliment. I’m going to try to get some sleep while Belle does. Oh, and I am not going to school today.”

John laughed, “No school today. Understood.”

Sami hesitated, before leaving the room, and she whispered, “I heard Mom say, she loved you.”

John didn’t know how to respond. His chest tightened again in response. The last thing he wanted to do was say something that might bring up that old anger inside Sami. “Your Mom isn’t herself right now,” he said carefully.

“She’s more herself than you know,” Sami said, before leaving the room, and leaving John to wonder what she meant.

Marlena’s eyes fluttered open almost a half hour later, and John felt physical relief course through his body. He leaned forward, his eyes scanning her face. She’d been unconscious since she was downstairs on the couch, and he wanted to know that she was aware of where she was. Marlena smiled at him, “John…you’re here. I thought I was dreaming that.”

“I’m here, Baby. Sami called me.”

She smiled at him again, thinking that he was so beautiful, “She did?”

“Do you remember what happened?”

Marlena’s face scrunched up, as if she was thinking very hard, and she said, “I think someone tried to take me…someone injected something in my neck…I think, but it’s all fuzzy. I’m not sure.”

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Doc. It’s been hours, and I feel like I can finally relax a little.”

“Lay with me,” she whispered, still feeling woozy.

“No, you sleep. I’m fine right here,” he told her gently.

Marlena reached for him, whispering in a low sultry voice, “I feel like air, and I need you to hold me down.”

“You feel like air?” he laughed quietly. “I think that’s probably because you’re high.”

Marlena giggled, “I’m high?”

“Likely,” he said. “Go to sleep, Baby.”

“Can you hold me…just hold me…the way you do when I dream of you, because this feels like a dream, and I want your arms around me.”

“Yeah,” he whispered, standing up, and moving to the other side of the bed. “Yeah, I can hold you.”

Marlena rolled into him, and tangled her body with his, as if he was hers and she belonged to him. Her sigh vibrated through his soul, and John held her against him wishing that he never had to let her go. He felt her lips on his neck, and heard her barely whispered sigh, “I love you.” 

His heart pulled at him. The urge to place his lips on hers, and lick along the seam was incredible, but he held back. He wanted to touch her, to melt into her, but he allowed himself only the touch of his palm under the hem of her shirt. The smooth, soft, heat of her skin nearly burning him. Marlena hummed in happiness, as they drifted off to sleep, breathing each others breath as if they shared one body.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John missed Kristen’s ultrasound appointment. She went through the motions, pasting a smile on her face, while inside she was an inferno. She ask polite questions of Dr. Bader, and she stared in awe at her baby on the screen, while seething inside with hatred for Marlena. And when her appointment was over, she found a secluded corner. Dialing her father, she waited until Stefano answered before she wailed, “You said you were going to take care of it! You promised!”

“A slight miscalculation, Kristen. It won’t happen again,” Stefano told her.

“Find someone better to do the damned job!” she hissed. “Someone who won’t be taken down by a seventeen year old girl with a fucking frying pan!”

“You’re beginning to sound ungrateful, Kristen. I didn’t raise you to be like that.”

“John missed our baby’s ultrasound appointment! He missed it, because he’s at Marlena’s house with that home wrecking bitch!” Kristen cried. 

“Don’t speak of her that way!” Stefano roared. “I will have my Queen of the Night soon enough, and you will not disrespect her that way! Do you hear me?” Kristen continued to cry, soft quiet sobs into Stefano’s ear, irritating him even further. “I will be contacting you in a few days to solidify my plan, but I need something from you.”

“What could you possibly need from me?” she sniffed loudly.

“I need you to find a way to have Marlena move in with you,” Stefano said with a laugh.

“What? No! No! Why would you do that to me?” she screeched. “Why?”

“It will be easier to take my Queen in that house,” Stefano said. “Do it.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John was in that space where he was half lost in the world of sleep, and lying right at the edge of wakefulness. The heat of Marlena’s lips on his…was that real or was that imagined? If it was real, he should put a stop to it, but oh…if it was a dream, it was the sweetest dream. The soft pillowy flesh against his, the wet glide of her tongue seeking entrance to his mouth. His mouth opened on a gasp of want, “Fuck…”

“Is this a dream?” she whispered into him, her fingers threading into his hair, and tugging gently. 

John’s eyes flew open, and he saw Marlena’s half-lidded stare. His cock was already hard, and his hand had somehow spanned her ribs below her shirt. The heat of her was a pull he had to force down, “Doc…hey, Doc. Stop. We can’t…” Her thigh pushed between his legs, and the jolt of pain was delicious. Her hips bucked, and she ground her pussy against his thigh, moaning low in her throat in pleasure. John groaned, “Ah, fuck, Doc…you’re killing me…”

Her lips were on his neck again, biting and sucking at his skin, and she whispered, begging him, “Touch me…touch me…”

Marlena’s hips rolled and bucked along his thigh, her heat radiating through the cotton of his sweatpants. He couldn’t take it. He had to stop her. John grabbed her arms, pushing her onto her back, and stared down into her arousal blown eyes, “Wake up, Doc. Please…this is not a dream.”

She smiled up at him, “It’s not? Because I feel like I’m floating…”

“No…G-d, no…I wish it was, but it isn’t,” he rasped, rolling his forehead over hers desperate to keep himself from touching her the way he wanted to. If this was a dream, he wouldn’t be pushing her away. If this were a dream, John would bury himself in her moist heat.

Marlena hummed, low in her throat, “Oh…I wish it was, because, then…oh…then I would beg you to touch me…” Her eyes fluttered, and she drifted back to sleep, leaving John aroused, and desperate for release. He rolled onto his back, using the palm of his hand to push his dick down, and he groaned. Looking at Marlena again, he stood quickly, and went into the bathroom to take care of the hard-on he knew wasn’t going to simply go away.

Chapter 6

It’s a pain to remember

But a strain to forget

Should’ve gone on a bender

Gotten out of my head

People in the Way – Maria McKee

John sat on Marlena’s couch in her office, with a cup of hospital coffee in his hand, and told her, “I want you, Sami, and Belle to move in with Kristen and I for awhile. At least until we can locate Stefano, and make sure he isn’t a danger to you anymore.”

Marlena looked at him unblinking for a moment, and said, “No. No, I don’t think that’s a very good idea, John.” The intensity of his stare was making her uncomfortable, and she’d had some odd dreams the day before. Although John had never said she did anything inappropriate when she was under the influence of the drugs she was injected with, she wasn’t so sure. In her dreams, she said things, to John, to Tom…things she would never, never say aloud. She wasn’t brave enough to ask if she’d actually said them. “You and Kristen are about to start a family. My family is not your responsibility, John.”

John wanted to argue that they were. They were his responsibility, but he didn’t. “Doc, you don’t understand,” he told her, leaning forward, and placing his coffee on the small table in front of him. “This was Kristen’s idea. She’s worried about you. She’s worried about Belle and Sami.”

Marlena wished she could hate Kristen, but the woman was one of the nicest people she’d ever met, sickeningly so sometimes, and that just made her desire for John even more guilt laden. She still couldn’t fathom that someone so nice, was raised by Stefano DiMera. “I’ll accept a guard outside the house, but I can’t move in with you, John.” She wanted to add, because it would hurt too much, but she stayed silent on that front.

He stood, moving to sit on the end of the table, facing Marlena in her chair. Reaching for both of her hands, he whispered, “Please, Doc? Can you do this for me? I’m so worried. Sami’s phone call the other morning nearly killed me. I was in a panic trying to get to you, and I know you’re not my responsibility, but I—I care for you. You know that, and those kids, too. I will always consider Sami my daughter, and Belle…G-d, Doc, I love that little girl as if she were my own.”

She was quiet for a moment, and she said, “I think this might be…difficult.”

“Why? Because of Sami? Doc, she’s warming up to me again. What she did was so dangerous. She went after someone twice her size to save you…he could have hurt her. You know she’s impulsive. She doesn’t think things through, and Stefano is determined to have you,” John said.

“No…no, he’ll get over that. He’ll move on from this,” she said softly, looking down at where John leaned forward, and held her hands in his. His thumb stroked over the top of her hand in a gentle caress, and she wanted so much more.

“No. He won’t,” John told her. “Doc, you don’t understand the pull you have. You have this ability to get inside a man’s soul—”

His words surprised her, “—what?”

His intense blue eyes caught hers when she looked up, and he said, “You don’t even realize it. Stefano won’t give up.” One of his hands moved along her cheek softly, a bare whisper against her skin, “I can’t lose you again, Doc. I can’t.”

She was caught up in the feel of him, the intensity of the moment, “Again?”

John could feel the pain, as if it were fresh. The loss he’d felt after her plane went down. The fury and rage he’d held towards himself. Towards Orpheus. He’d been without her for five years, trying as hard as he could to move on, always to be held back by memories of her. And when she returned, he was too scared to reach for her…too scared to hold onto her. “Doc, when we lost you back in ’87, my world collapsed. I can’t go through that again.”

His pain was palpable, and Marlena felt herself leaning closer to him, unable to look away. He pulled her closer, almost as if his arms had free will. His knees hit the floor. Marlena found herself wrapped up in him, kneeling on the floor of her office, his fingers stroking through her blonde hair. She couldn’t refuse him outright, and so she whispered softly, “I’ll need to speak with Sami.”

John’s sigh traveled through her. He brushed his knuckles over her face again, and softly near the corner of her mouth. It wasn’t a kiss, but felt more intimate than one. He could feel her breath waft over his fist, and his body trembled. He needed to look away, to break this spell that had woven around them, but he couldn’t. Dipping his head, he allowed himself to breathe in the scent of her hair. He allowed himself to rub his cheek into her silky tresses. He could feel her intake of breath, and the pull of his jacket when her fingers clenched the fabric. They continued to sit there, afraid to move closer, and unwilling to move apart, until a knock sounded on her office door.

Marlena scrambled to her feet, looking away quickly, and adjusting her skirt, and when she turned around, John was back on the table, sitting on the edge nervously, refusing to look at her. Marlena answered the door, and he could hear the soft cadence of her voice, “Yes, Chelsea. That should be fine. Thank you for letting me know.” Closing the door, she faced John, “My last appointment cancelled.”

“So, let’s pick up the kids and Sami. We can discuss you moving in, over dinner,” John said standing up, acting as if nothing significant had just happened between them. The guilt he was feeling was overwhelming. He had a wife. An amazing wife, who was pregnant with his child, and she didn’t deserve this type of disloyalty from him. Not when she was doing everything she could to help him cope with this fear. How many women would be so understanding? He wasn’t handling this threat against Marlena the way he should. He felt as if it was tearing him apart.

Marlena understood the guilt John was so obviously feeling. She was feeling it, too. Kristen was a friend, kind of. She was offering up her home to Marlena and her children to keep them safe from her sadistic father. Schooling her features into something resembling normalcy, with her purse in hand, Marlena faced John, “Okay, but it’s Friday. You know what’s for dinner.”

“Of course,” he said with a smirk. “It’s tradition, but this time I’m getting two large pizzas, because the last time you nearly ate one alone.”

Marlena’s head fell back in laughter, “I did not!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena and Sami had cleaned up after dinner, while John took Brady and Belle upstairs for baths. Sami sometimes thought it was odd that Brady so seamlessly went from one home to another, but the boy didn’t seem to mind it. It was just as normal for him to bathe at Marlena’s house, as it was to do it at John and Kristen’s. Sami sometimes thought that it was just a sign of inevitability. John’s love for Belle was obvious. Some could argue that it was because he’d delivered her, and he was her godfather, but Sami knew the truth.

Marlena finished drying her hands, and turned to Sami, “I’m going to make sure the children haven’t drowned John, and then there was something we wanted to speak to you about.”

“That sounds ominous,” Sami replied.

“It’s not, believe me. John thinks you’re old enough to be involved in family decisions, and I agree, that’s all.”

“Family decisions?” Sami asked with a raised eyebrow, exiting the kitchen.

“Well…yes, I mean, decisions that I would normally make for you and Belle. John thinks you’re old enough to have input,” Marlena said quickly, following her out.

Sami threw herself onto the couch, and snatched up the remote control, “Sure. I’ll be right here waiting with bated breath.”

In Belle’s bedroom, John found himself laying comfortably in bed with Brady and Belle, while they argued about who he was to them, which he found endlessly entertaining. He watched Brady with a smirk, as he said to Belle, “He’s my Daddy, but he’s youw Poppy.”

Belle looked at Brady with confusion, “Why you Daddy?”

“Cause he’s youw Poppy,” Brady said in exasperation, as if that explained everything she needed to know.

“I want a Daddy,” she said with a pout as her little lip began to tremble.

John reached for her, pulling her against his chest and brushed his hand over her soft blonde hair, “Your Poppy loves you like a Daddy, and that’s just the same amount, Tink.”

Brady watched the interaction, and said, “You love Belle like a Daddy?”

“I sure do,” John said, kissing over Belle’s face.

“I guess you can be hew Daddy, too, then,” Brady said with a shrug of his shoulders. “But you love us the same, wight?”

John reached for Brady, kissing his sons forehead, and told him, “I absolutely love you the same.”

Marlena watched the scene from the doorway, and felt something tighten in her chest. Belle was so similar to Brady sometimes, she found it hard to believe that they weren’t siblings. To an outsider looking in on this scene, they would swear the children were siblings, but then Marlena reminded herself that she’d done a blood test, just so she could alleviate this doubt. Brady and Belle spent so much time together there were bound to be similarities.

Belle wrapped her chubby little arms around John’s neck, and she sighed sleepily, rubbing her face in his neck, “I love my Poppy. Love, love, love my Poppy!”

Marlena couldn’t stop the tears that fell from her eyes. Belle’s Daddy had left them all, and John was raising the girl as if she was his. He was raising her as a sibling to Brady, and she was so grateful, that her daughter would know his love, the same way Sami and Eric had. 

Brady looked over at Marlena and said, with another shrug, “Belle’s so weiwd.”

Marlena laughed, stepping into the room. Holding her arms out to Brady, she lifted him up, and kissed him, “Weird, huh?”

“If Daddy loves Belle like a Daddy, do you love me like a Mama?” Brady wanted to know.

Marlena didn’t hesitate, she held him close, and she whispered, “I love you like a Mama, Brady. I have always loved you, since you were a baby.”

The boy looked at her with deep brown eyes, eyes so much like Isabella’s, and he said, “You loved me when I was a baby?”

“I did.”

“Did you know my angel Mommy?”

“You’re angel Mommy loved you with her whole heart, and she asked me to watch over you, and your Daddy,” Marlena told him. “She wanted to be sure there was someone to love you.”

Brady rested his head on her shoulder with a yawn, “That’s good, ‘cause youw weal good at loving me like a Mama.”

John stared at Marlena with Brady, and was rocked by the love he felt for her, which was immediately followed by tremendous guilt, when he thought of Kristen alone in their huge house. Clearing his throat, he said, “Come on, Belle baby, time for bed.”

She yawned widely, “Bwady stay wif me?”

John glanced at Marlena, and realized Brady was already half asleep on her shoulder, and he told Belle, “Yeah, Brady can stay.”

“You’re sure?” Marlena asked him softly.

“I’m not leaving tonight, Doc,” John said, taking Brady from her arms, and laying him in the twin bed with Belle. 

“John,” she said. “Kristen needs you at home.”

“You need me, and Kristen understands,” he said. “Her father doesn’t want to kidnap her. He wants to kidnap you.”

“I conceded to speaking with Sami about Kristen’s proposal, but you simply can’t stay here tonight.”

“Fine,” he said, walking by her, “I’ll sleep in the Jeep.”

Marlena followed him into the hallway, hissing, “John Black! This is ridiculous. You’re not sleeping in the car!”

“I’m not leaving you, and the kids tonight. Not after what happened yesterday,” John said stepping closer to her. “So, you either allow me to sleep in the house…or I’m sleeping in the car.”

“You can be the most infuriating man,” Marlena mumbled.

Without thinking, lost in the moment, John stepped even closer, and looked down at Marlena, saying, “But I’m cute, right?”

She stumbled back, looking up at him, with wide hazel eyes, “What?”

“Shit, Doc,” John said, stepping back quickly. “I don’t know why I said that. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Marlena was still lost in him, staring up at him, unable to hide her feelings, “John, this is why…I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be living under the same roof…I just…it’s not a good idea.”

He knew what she wasn’t saying, just as she knew what he wasn’t saying, but he wasn’t going to compromise. His fingers threaded through hers, and he pulled her towards the stairs, “Let’s go talk to Sami.”

Marlena sighed in frustration, “Are you even listening to me?”

“Nope…you’re not changing my mind on this, Doc. Having you all with me, is the only way I feel like I can protect you, and I’m betting that Sami will agree.”

Chapter 7

I’ve tried and I know, I can’t make it alone

It’s such a hard way to go, I just can’t make it alone

There’s something in my soul

That will always lead me back to you

I Can’t Make It Alone – Maria McKee

Sami had been living at John and Kristen’s house for a few days, and was already bored. There wasn’t a lot for a seventeen year old to do, when stuck in a big, fancy house near the lake. Today, she’d decided to explore. John and her mother had Belle and Brady out in the garden. The sounds of their laughter and play, sounding faintly in her ears. She sat in the fancy office at the rear of the house. It suited her mood today, dark. The chair was large and comfortable. Wall to wall wood paneling, a dark cherry desk, and really weird oddities were scattered about. On the corner of the desk sat a statue of a large bird rising up out of flames, Sami smirked. She knew who’s house they were living in, and she knew who’s office she sat in. Stefano certainly put his mark on the whole house, and Sami was surprised John could live here. She’d heard her Uncle Bo say once, that all of Stefano’s homes had hidden passageways, and secret rooms. This room was certainly giving her creepy old man vibes, but that didn’t make her leave. With her sneakered feet propped in the window sill, it was a relaxing enough space. She’d only agreed to come here and live, because she felt like John could keep them safe. The enemy was outside, and this place was a fortress. She didn’t believe there could be anywhere safer in Salem. 

It was the only reason she’d agreed to do this…well, one of the only reasons. The other reason might have been more devious. Sami was trying very hard to stay on the straight and narrow, especially because she still hadn’t come clean about Belle’s paternity. She was trying to put the pieces of her self-image back together, after blowing up Carrie’s life. But, she’d recently started to believe that no matter what the fallout was from the affair, maybe her mother deserved to be with John after all. Ultimately, Roman had left them, proving to be completely faithless. John was still in their lives, and he and her mother were obviously still in love. So, why couldn’t they be together? Sami considered Kristen a small obstacle. She had to admit, Kristen was nothing, if not a gracious hostess in her home. But if Sami knew one thing, a sneak could recognize another sneak, and something was off with Kristen Blake DiMera Black. She was simply too nice.

Sami heard the shrill chime of a cellular phone out in the hallway, but didn’t budge from her place by the window. There was a hummingbird feeder just outside by the lilac bushes, and Sami was enjoying the view. The flit and flutter of the small birds made her feel calm, and the majority of the time, she felt as if life was entirely too complicated. Those tiny birds made life seem so easy.

The door to the office jarred open abruptly, and she heard Kristen’s voice speaking in low tones, “You promised! You said it would be taken care of within the week, and it’s still not done! What kind of incompetents are you hiring? How long do you expect me to wait?”

Silence reined, while Kristen seemed to be listening to the person on the other end of the line, then Sami heard her hiss with venom, “Well, I don’t fucking care! You said, you would get it done, so get it fucking done!”

The call was disconnected with a plastic sounding snap, and Sami laughed out loud when she heard Kristen roar, and then the crashing sound of glass as something was slammed against the wall. Sami clapped her hand over her mouth to silence her squawk of laughter, but it was too late. Suddenly the room got very silent, except for Kristen’s ragged breathing, and after couple seconds, Kristen whispered, “Who’s in here?”

“Just me,” Sami said, removing her shoes from the windowsill, and turning the chair around with a quick spin. She studied Kristen’s red face, and tousled hair, and said with a click of her tongue, and some mirth, “You know, I never would have known that you have such a temper, Kristen.”

“I—I didn’t know anyone was in here,” Kristen stuttered, silently cursing herself for not making sure the room was empty. Her father needed to finish this kidnapping of Marlena, so that she could ship Belle and Sami off to the Brady’s at the pub, and get her house back. She was tired of toys in the garden, and Legos under her feet on the stairs. She was tired of finding Sami lurking around in the shadows. 

Sami laughed again, in that careless way she had that drove John and her mother insane, “I’m betting you didn’t.”

“I don’t normally get that angry, you see, it’s just—”

Sami shrugged, as if she couldn’t concern herself with Kristen’s bout of rage, “—Not my business. Not my business at all.” She picked up her lemonade glass, watching the condensation roll down the side, and noted the white ring left behind on the wooden surface of the desk. Damn. Oh well. She took a long gulp, staring at Kristen unblinkingly. She studied her, and she knew Kristen was uncomfortable. Nervousness rolled off of her in waves. Sami found that staring at people was the easiest way to read and determine their intentions, because a long direct, unblinking stare, made people uncomfortable. Sami felt accomplished when they cracked. Kristen’s intentions were deceit. Interesting.

Kristen was entirely too uncomfortable under the unblinking stare of Sami Brady. What was wrong with that girl? Even though Sami was only seventeen, Kristen got the distinct feeling that the girl could read her like a book. A loud scream of glee rang from the garden, and Kristen scowled, recognizing it as Marlena. As soon as the scowl crossed her face, she realized her mistake. Sami smiled in a way that was almost feral. Schooling her face as quickly as possible, Kristen said in a rush, “I need to check with the cook about dinner.”

“Brady likes chicken,” Sami said, watching with glee, as Kristen squirmed. “That little rash loves chicken nuggets. Belle will eat anything.” Sami thought about John, and said with a smirk, “She’s just like her Daddy that way.”

“I hardly think we’re having chicken nuggets for dinner,” Kristen said. “But maybe we can have some sort of chicken.”

“Whatever. Just a suggestion,” Sami said, standing up from the chair she was in, and reaching for her lemonade. She wiped the circle of water from the desk, but knew the damage was permanent. “I’m going to see what my Mom and John are doing in the garden.”

Sami walked by Kristen, as she exited the study, and beamed at her. Kristen was putting on a show, and Sami was intrigued. In Sami’s mind, Kristen might be devious, but she could be positively diabolical. She hadn’t had any real fun in quite awhile. Game on.

Staring at Sami’s back as she turned the corner at the end of the hallway, Kristen turned, and threw another priceless vase against the wall of her father’s study.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In the garden, John sat on the bench near the lilac bushes, with Marlena by his side as they watched the children play in the yard. He had been so happy over the last few days. Waking in the mornings, knowing that his family, all of his family, was in the house…that gave him immense pleasure. Eating meals together, and having constant access to the children, brought him joy. And then there was Marlena…encountering the scent of her all through his home brought him entirely too much gratification. He supposed that he was going to need to reflect on those feelings eventually. Marlena shivered next to him, and he asked her, “Doc? Where’s your sweater? The one you had earlier?”

“I think, I left it in the living room,” she murmured, watching Belle rock back and forth on a small child sized pony.

“I’ll get it,” he said softly, touching her arm lightly, and rising from the bench. Marlena shivered again, but for an entirely different reason.

She watched him go, unaware that her eyes shone with every single emotion she possessed for the man walking away from her, but Sami saw it, and it made her heart ache just a little. She was going to have to tell them the truth about Belle, and she was scared to death. When she’d changed the paternity results before Belle’s birth, she’d been so angry at her mother and John. All she wanted to do was hurt them, as much as she was hurting. The pain was roiling around inside her, consuming everything in its path, and every laugh they shared, every look, and every touch between her mother and John was fuel for that pain. 

She stood there, in the corner of the garden, watching her mother yearn for the one person who would complete her, and Sami knew, if she hadn’t tampered with the results of that blood test, they might find themselves in very different circumstances. She had to take responsibility for that eventually, but she wasn’t sure she could bear to see the disappointment in their eyes. She’d seen it on a small scale in Dr. Bower’s eyes when she told him about Belle’s paternity a year earlier. He had mentioned it a few times since then, asking her if she was ready to tell the truth, and explaining that it was essential to her healing process. A final step, he’d said.

Sami walked over to where Brady and Belle played, and plopped herself onto the grass. This garden was beautiful, and she could imagine living in a place so beautiful with her family, and without Kristen. Kristen would definitely bear further thought, and, if Sami was correct, she would bear further watching. It gave her a shiver of anticipation. That woman was up to something. Kristen was definitely not the woman she’d led everyone to believe. 

Marlena saw Sami smile to herself, and asked her, “What are you over there, smiling about, Samantha Gene?”

“Nothing,” Sami said. “I’m just enjoying myself. It’s a nice day.”

“It is,” Marlena said softly, enjoying the soft breeze across her cheeks. “It is.”

“Hey, Doc,” John said, his voice rolling over Marlena like honey. “I couldn’t find the sweater. Are you sure you left it in the living room?”

Marlena stood up, smiling at him. Placing her hand on his chest lightly, she said, “You are adorable for trying to find it. I’ll check. I thought it was on the back of the chair, but maybe I took it back to my room.”

John followed Marlena into the house, his eyes trailing over her ass, and the way her jeans hugged her curves. She was positively delicious, and he could imagine himself holding her body down on a bed, any bed, while he licked over her soft flesh. Just the memory of his fingers digging into her luscious body, made him half-hard in his pants. Her hips softly swayed, and her scent enveloped him as he trailed behind her. She stopped sooner than he anticipated, and he bumped into her, knocking her forward just a bit. The hard line of his chest was flush against her back, and Marlena laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder, and looked up at him, “I’m sorry.”

So fucking beautiful. His arm slid around her waist, and he tugged her closer, holding her against him. Marlena’s soft curves nearly melted into him. She became silent, and said softly, “John?”

“Shhh,” he whispered. The heat of her back radiated through her thin cotton shirt, and John felt it across his chest like the most pleasurable burn. His nose buried itself in her honey colored hair, and he inhaled her. On a low, throaty, groan he said, “G-d…baby, I shouldn’t be doing this.”

“You—you should let me go, and we can pretend it didn’t happen,” she said breathlessly, even as she ran her fingers along the soft skin of his forearm. “I—I can go get my sweater…and you can go back out to the garden…like this didn’t happen.”

His voice was a husky whisper in her ear, “Just give me a moment.”

John’s moist breath wafted over her ear, causing her heart to race, “John we can’t…we can’t…it only makes me want more, and I simply can’t want more.” Softly, almost as if she was speaking to herself, she whispered, “I can’t want more.” She felt his palm splay open across her abdomen, settling just below her breasts, the pressure of it pulling her closer. Her whispered words begged him, “Let me go, John…please.”

John brushed her hair away from her neck, and he pressed the barest kiss against her skin,  right behind her ear, before he stepped back quickly, and released her. When Marlena turned around he was gone. A whisper of a memory, that hadn’t been imagined. Her hands went to her cheeks feeling the heat and the flush that had risen up her neck. A small sob broke free of her chest. Marlena wiped at her eyes furiously, willing herself not to cry until she’d entered the privacy of her bedroom. She couldn’t have an emotional breakdown in the living room.

Kristen stood around the corner, near the back entrance, and she found herself wiping tears from her eyes too, but for entirely different reasons. She was losing John. She felt it in her blood, she was losing him. His face told a story of abject want, desire, and desperation, none of which was for her. She had believed that having John’s child would help her hold onto him. She wanted him more involved. She wanted him to be as excited about this baby as she was. She knew he cared, but what she’d just witnessed was more than simple lust. John’s eyes, while he held another woman’s body close to his, reflected his true hearts desire…and that, was Marlena. She sobbed again, turning to go to her father’s study, and a pain wrenched through her abdomen. Doubling over with the pain, Kristen whispered to herself, “No. No…no…this can’t happen. I have to calm down…this cannot happen.” She made her way down the hall to her father’s study, and she collapsed onto the leather couch, forcing herself to take long slow breaths, and calm herself down.

Upstairs, Marlena locked her door quietly, and fell to her bed in tears.

Chapter 8

Disillusion has an edge so sharp

It tears at your soul, and leaves a stain upon your heart

I need you, to wash mine clean

You’ve felt it too, and you need me

Shelter – Maria McKee

Marlena unlocked the front door to her house, fumbling slightly in the dark, and then placed her keys back inside her purse. Stepping inside, she glanced over her shoulder at John, and said, “You really didn’t have to come with me. I just need to grab a few things.”

John replied softly, “Doc, there’s a reason you and the kids are staying with me and Kristen at the house. I’m more comfortable doing it like this…I don’t want you going places alone.”

Marlena sighed, “You could have sent the guard with me.”

“The guard is fine watching the house,” John told her, with his eyes scanning over her body. She was wearing a t-shirt, and some loose joggers, but damn if he wasn’t responding to her anyway. She wasn’t even trying.  

Marlena knew, that she and John were growing even closer living under the same roof, and she was finding it more difficult to resist those little impulses. The need to touch him as he walked by, or reach for his hand, if he was sitting next to her in the garden. The impulse to rub the pad of her finger over his lips, or touch his face lightly for no reason, when he was close to her. These feelings had gotten her into trouble before, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could ignore them.

Turning to face him, she smoothed out her features, and said, “Okay.”

John took a deep breath of her, as he followed her up the stairs. Her scent did things to his body, and his gut tightened in response to her. Marlena smirked to herself, knowing he was watching her closely, and studying her every move. The same way she did, every time he walked into a room. The day before she’d been surreptitiously watching him from her spot on the couch, but when she’d looked away, she realized that Kristen was watching her. She had looked away quickly, only to notice that Sami had a wide grin on her face, and she was watching everything. Marlena had felt ashamed, and embarrassed, excusing herself quickly and retiring for the night.

She glanced back over her shoulder quickly, and started climbing the stairs towards her bedroom. She could feel his eyes on her, and her core clenched in want, because she knew…John wanted her. A thrill coursed through her, because, even if she couldn’t have him, knowing he wanted her made her feel desired, sexy, and slightly wanton.

They entered Marlena’s bedroom, and she glanced at the bed, looking away quickly. Her muscles trembled and quaked with memories. John knew what she was thinking about. He was remembering the same things. Being in this room with her always brought up memories of their time together. 

Marlena entered the closet, turning the overhead light on, and rummaged around for the canvas weekender bag she used for short trips. Unable to find it, she turned, sighing in frustration, and her foot caught on the carpeting. 

John poked his head inside the small closet space and said, “Hey, Doc, you might want to use a larger bag, because you don’t know if—” , just as she started to fall forward with a yelp. She felt John’s strong arms around her, keeping her from slamming to the floor. 

Her breathing was heavy, a mix of fear, apprehension, and desire, as she stared up into his deep blue eyes, “I tripped.”

“I see that,” he whispered, still holding her in his arms. John stood Marlena on her feet, but didn’t release her. Memories assaulted him, memories of another time with Marlena in this same closet. Memories of her arms above her head, and her naked body swaying before him. His heart raced, and he could feel his cock growing hard in the tight confines of his black jeans. 

“You can let me go now,” she whispered, looking away from him.

“Doc…do you you remember…?”

She gasped lightly, and her pussy clenched. She felt wetness seeping into her panties. Marlena knew exactly what he was referring to, and G-d, if she didn’t want it again. She could feel his burgeoning erection against her hip. His name came out of her, in a mix of want and warning, “John.”

He needed an answer, so he asked her again, “Do you remember, Doc?”

Looking up at him, she was thrown by the undisguised yearning in his eyes. She gasped softly, before saying, “We—we can’t talk about this…John, we shouldn’t discuss the past. It will get us in trouble. It always gets us in trouble.”

He released her, but the space was so small, she couldn’t step back. She found her body pressed against the wall, flush with his, unable to break her gaze away. His expression was one of desire, and physical pain, “I remember, Doc. G-d…I remember,” he told her in a husky voice, pressing his hips into hers. “I can’t forget. So, I want to know if you remember that night. If you remember what we did in here.”

Marlena was so tired of fighting this. So tired of being proper, and doing the right thing. It was exhausting. It left her aching, and wanting, and wondering why it was never her time. He wanted her. It was obvious. She could feel his length against her hip. He kept pushing himself into her to relieve the ache she knew he must be feeling. What would it feel like to give in…to allow herself one brief moment with him, in a dark closet? Almost breathlessly she whispered, “I remember.” She rolled her hips into him, and he audibly moaned. She licked her lips, wetting them, because her mouth suddenly felt so dry, “That night…John, there’s no way I could forget. Your hands on my body. Your lips on my skin. I remember every moment of that night. My wrists were sore for days, and every ache of my shoulders was a reminder.”

John dropped his forehead to hers, “Fuck…fuck…” He pressed his dick into her soft body, needing some sort of relief from the growing pressure. 

Marlena continued, her voice entrancing him, “I remember the feel of the metal handcuffs biting into my wrists, and the way your mouth mapped my body…I remember, John, but I constantly try to forget.”

“G-d, Doc this is killing me…since Aremid…this has been fucking killing me,” he moaned. “I have no strength when it comes to pushing you away…none. I keep seeing your body hanging before me, and your moans…fuck…those moans…”

“Then maybe you should step away, because whatever you do right now…I won’t stop you,” she whispered.

John lifted his head, looking into her blown pupils. His breathing was ragged, and he nearly cried, “Doc…” He couldn’t get the picture out of his mind. Her naked body, handcuffed to the closet rod. His fingers, and his lips trailing over her. Pinching her nipples, and slapping her ass, as she cried out for more, and oh…the wetness dripping down her inner thighs. The way her body shook when he kneeled between her legs, and licked her pussy until she quaked. He wanted to take her and bury himself in her right there. His fists clenched, and unclenched at his sides with the force of holding himself back. Marlena saying she wouldn’t stop him was enough to break whatever willpower he had left.

Her eyes sucked him into their depths, while her fingers trailed along his neck, and brushed through the hair at the nape of his neck, “John…you think this isn’t killing me? You have no idea.” Threading her fingers into his hair, she tugs lightly, saying softly, “You’re with me every night. My mind conjures you in my dreams, and every morning when I wake…my heart breaks all over again. You’re not mine. You will never be mine. And every day, I have to live in your house and watch you live another life with another woman…this is killing me one breath at a time.” Her body arched against his, craving the feel of his hard length against her hip, because that was the evidence she needed for her breaking heart. The evidence she needed to reassure herself that she wasn’t alone in this agonizing pain of want. “I’m back where I was three years ago. Desperate for you, and willing to have you at any cost.”

He wanted to drag her out of the closet, and fuck her into the mattress in the center of her bedroom. He wanted to tear open her blouse, and bite at the flesh of her breasts. His breath was coming in heaving gasps, and still he didn’t move. He couldn’t move. Her eyes were boring into his soul, and still he waited…waited to see what she might do.

And then her lips were on his, and John didn’t know where she began, and he ended. She pulled his mouth to hers, and she made love to his lips with her own. He didn’t stop her. He couldn’t. John’s hands gripped the sides of her face, and his body pushed hers more firmly against the wall with a loud thud, while he ground his hips into her. John groaned into the recesses of her mouth, as if he were crying out for his own salvation.

“Doc, fuck, Doc…baby…G-d, baby, I’ve missed you so much,” he panted into her. Resting his forehead on her again, he said, “You haunt my dreams, when you come around the corner I want to pull you close, and your laugh…fuck, Doc, your laugh lifts my soul.”

Pulling his t-shirt from his jeans, Marlena lightly scraped her fingernails across his lower back. Her mouth licked over his throat, and she whispered, “Kiss me…”

That was it. John was lost in her scent, her skin, and her hair. He reached down, splaying his palms over the backs of her thighs and lifted her high against the wall, lapping over her lips with his tongue and groaning low in his throat. Marlena rocked her hips over him, panting, and raking her nails over his neck. She could feel the suction of his mouth on her collarbone. Her fingers scrabbled at the cotton of his t-shirt, pulling it up, trying desperately to get it off of him.

Lifting her to him, John strode out of the small closet and towards the bed. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard the warnings, the rationality trying to break through his haze of lust. Don’t do this. Kristen is your wife. Stop. And then there were the memories of Marlena’s face in the church, when she told Roman about the affair. The abject fear and loss that consumed her. The way Carrie had looked at her. The rage Sami carried. John set Marlena on her feet and stepped back abruptly, shouting, “Shit!” He ran his fingers through his hair roughly, pulling at the strands, as he mentally berated himself, “Shit!” Marlena knew that the moment had passed. John was back in his head. He’d remembered his wife. He looked at her with so much pain, and longing, and he said roughly, “I’ll be waiting in the Jeep.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The ride back to John’s house was silent, neither one of them speaking about what had just transpired between them in Marlena’s closet. John knew she was crying, because she would occasionally lift her hand, and swipe at her eyes quickly. Still she said nothing. He didn’t want to hurt her. He never wanted to be the one causing her pain, but he was. He was married to Kristen, and hanging onto Marlena with this emotional tether he couldn’t release. It wasn’t fair to her. 

When John parked the car in the garage, Marlena whispered, “Why didn’t you make love to me?”

The Jeep was silent for a long moment, the eerie silence that you can only have in a parked car. Finally John said, “I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Did you ever stop to think, that I didn’t care?” she asked him, feeling so empty, and so alone. 

John reached for her hand, stroking his finger over her palm softly, “Doc, the last time…we had an affair, it was so desperate. One taste of you, and I haunted your every move. I ruined your life. I ruined your marriage. All I could think about, hell, all I dreamed about…was you.” He reached for her chin, tilting her face so that she would look at him, “I felt that tonight. That desperate pull to be with you, always. And Doc, I can’t do that to you again. I ruined your relationship with your children. I can’t…I won’t do it again. You’re just getting back to a good space with Sami.”

“I’m so lonely,” she whispered on a choked sob.

“Doc, I care for you…I lo—”

“—don’t!” Marlena said putting her hand up quickly. “Don’t say it, John. I couldn’t bear it right now.” She unlatched the door, and climbed from the vehicle, completely forgetting her bag in the back seat. 

John watched her go, and whispered, “I love you, Doc.”

Chapter 9

But who else can I turn to?

Oh, baby, I’m begging you

Won’t you reach out for my dying soul?

And make me live again…

I Can’t Make It Alone – Maria McKee

June 16, 1996

Kristen stared at the ceiling of her darkened bedroom wondering if her father had gotten Marlena out of the house yet. She’d brought Marlena the drugged tea, just as her father had instructed, even staying to make small talk as the bile settled in the back of her throat. When Marlena and John had returned from her house that evening both of them had been acting odd. Marlena rushed off to bed, giving her paltry excuses, and Kristen had immediately known that something had happened between the two of them. When she’d brought the tea to Marlena, Kristen had seen a purple mark on Marlena’s collarbone, partially hidden under the neckline of her nightgown. She knew exactly what it was, and who had put it there. The only thing that had kept her from exploding was the knowledge that her father would be taking the woman away that very night.

Later, in her bedroom, as John was changing his shirt, Kristen saw red scratches across his lower back, and again, found herself seething inside. Did they make love? Would John tell her if they did? Just as she’d been about to ask him, a pain had torn across her abdomen, and she’d bitten her lip to keep from crying out. As soon as Marlena was gone from her life, the amount of stress she was under would disappear. That was the only way to save this pregnancy, because she had a sinking feeling in her gut that she would loose it otherwise.

She rolled over, trying to get comfortable, when she heard a thump in the hall, and then a knock on the door. John was immediately awake, and out of bed, running for the door, “Doc?” Seeing Sami standing there, her faced etched with worry, John said, “Where’s your mother?”

“I don’t know,” Sami said. “I’m trying not to get scared, but she’s not in her room, and there’s a teacup spilled everywhere, so I thought maybe she went to get something to clean it up, but she hasn’t come back yet—”

John took off toward Marlena’s room, pushing the door to her bedroom open, and screaming, “Doc!” His heart was racing in panic. She couldn’t be gone. 

“I already checked her bathroom,” Sami cried when John slammed the door open to the small room in the back. “I also checked Belle and Brady’s room…she’s not upstairs.”

John stood in the middle of the hallway. His mind was racing. His heart was thundering in his chest. How could Stefano have gotten to her with the updated security system, and the guards he’d hired to watch the house? Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something odd. A picture on the wall that wasn’t sitting right. He approached it slowly, catching his fingers behind the edge of it, causing a panel inside the wall to open up.

“Fuck!” John roared. “No! No!”

Sami didn’t have time to say anything. She’d never seen him in such a panic. He disappeared inside the wall, following wherever the secret passage would lead, and out of the corner of her eye, Sami saw Kristen emerge from her bedroom. Sami turned, “Did you know about this? Do you know where it leads?”

Kristen tried to look innocent. She tried to look scared, but her inflection came off as slightly surprised, and bored, “Oh! No, I thought this was the only house my Father owned that didn’t have secret passages.”

Sami stared at Kristen for a long moment. She didn’t trust her, and she didn’t believe her. Without time to ponder Kristen’s motives, Sami ran downstairs when she heard John shouting. She found him in the garden on his knees, sobbing, with something clutched in his fingers. “John…Dad, she’s gone isn’t she?” Sami asked him, sinking to the ground beside him, and feeling the wet dew covered grass soaking the fabric of her pajama bottoms. 

“He’s got her. I failed her…I promised to keep her safe, and I failed her,” John cried.

Kristen came out into the garden, “He might not have taken her, John. Maybe she was called to the hospital to see a patient or something.”

John barely glanced in Kristen’s direction before he stared at the item in his hand, “He took her. I know he took her. That’s the only way this could have been there.”

Sami saw what he was holding. Her mothers brooch. The heart shaped one he’d bought for her years earlier, before Orpheus took her, and they’d thought her dead. “Daddy,” Sami whispered. “Where was it?”

“In the passage. She must have had it with her, and dropped it,” he told her. “I found it just before the exit in the walk-in pantry of the kitchen. I know he has her!” John looked around, and yelled in frustration, “Where are the fucking guards?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The guards had been drugged, and the security system had been disengaged. Sami spent the day taking care of Brady and Belle, while Kristen rested in her room, and John went through a list of every possible property that Stefano could have taken her mother. He had received one desperate phone call from her mother from an airplane, which made them fairly certain that Stefano had taken her overseas. After getting the children settled in their rooms, Sami snuck downstairs to see if she could get any word on her mother. She stood at the doorway, and heard John say,“Abraham, this has happened before. She wasn’t dead then, and she’s not dead now!”

Abe sighed in frustration, “John, all the evidence—”

“—all the evidence points to another DiMera trick! That mad man is laughing right now. He thinks he’s won. Well, he hasn’t! I’m not giving up. I promised Doc, I’d keep her safe. I promised Doc, she’d never have to fear Stefano again! I promised that I’d protect her, and then I let him walk right out of the house with her!”

“John, stop!” Abe said loudly. “Stop! It’s not your fault!”

“It is!”

“It’s not. We all thought she was safe. We all thought that there was no way he could get to her!”

“I should have known better! But, I played right into his hands…but, it’s not going to happen again, Abraham, because I know in my gut that she is alive!” John said. 

Abe looked at him, wondering if John was loosing his grip on sanity. They had confirmation that the plane had gone down. Marlena couldn’t have survived. Sami could see the questions in Abe’s eyes.

John said slowly, looking at Abe’s questioning gaze, “I am not losing it.” He stepped closer to Abe, pointing his finger at him for emphasis, and he said, “She is alive! You trade places with me right now. Suppose Stefano kidnapped Lexie, instead of Doc, wouldn’t you be feeling the same way? Wouldn’t you?”

Abe conceded, “Yes. Yes…I—I think my love for Lexie would cloud my judgement. Just like your love for Marlena is keeping you from accepting the truth.” 

John stepped back. If Abe wasn’t going to support him in his search for Marlena, he would do it alone.

Abe said, “Hey, look, partner, I just want you to be prepared…in case the worst happens. I hope Marlena is still alive. I hope that with all my heart—”

“—but you don’t believe she is…”

Abe looked away, walking towards the doors that led out to the garden. John’s eyes landed on Sami, and she wiped the tears furiously from her cheeks. John stepped over to her, pulling her into his arms, “You weren’t supposed to hear any of that.”

“She’s not dead,” she whispered, burying her face in John’s chest. “She’s not dead. If she was…I would feel it.” She looked at Abe, as he took a phone call on his cellular phone, and stared out into the garden. Glancing back up at John, she asked him, “But they think she is…why?”

“They were tracking the plane she was on, and lost the signal over the Atlantic after a very fast elevation loss. They say the plane crashed…they’re searching for debris now, but I won’t believe it, Sami. I won’t!”

She smiled at him, “Good, because I don’t believe it either.”

Abe ended his call, and said to John, “We’ve got a lead from Celeste. We’re going to check it out in the morning.”

“Why can’t you check it now?” Sami wanted to know.

“We need a judge to sign of on a warrant, and he won’t even look at the request until his regular office hours tomorrow morning,” Abe said. “I tried to get him to do it tonight. I did.”

“What’s the lead?”

“A warehouse, here in Salem, that belongs to Stefano,” Abe told him. “Look, buddy, it’s getting late. I think we all need to rest, and I’ll come by in the morning okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” John said absently.

After watching Abe leave the house, Sami said softly, “Belle and Brady wanted to say goodnight to you.”

“I needed to speak with you about that,” John said, pulling her towards the couch. Sitting across from her, John reached for her hand, “Kristen said, that you and the Belle might be more comfortable at the pub, since your Mom is not here with you, but I was hoping…well, I was hoping you might continue to stay here…with me.”

Interesting. Kristen was trying to ship them off already. It made Sami even more suspicious. She looked up at John, “You want us to stay?”

“Peanut, I love you. I love both you and Belle. It doesn’t matter that you’re not mine biologically. That has never mattered to me,” John said, touching her face lightly.

“I—I feel safer with you,” she said, feeling that tug inside her to tell him the truth about Belle. It had been growing stronger everyday. She felt that spending so much time with John was healing the little girl he’d left behind.

John pulled her in for a hug, “Good. Good. I’m glad. Now let’s get upstairs, so I can say goodnight to Brady and Belle.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami had finished her shower, and went to see if John was still reading books to Brady and Belle. She peeked into the room, and saw that Brady was sound asleep. John was in bed with Belle, the little girl snuggled into his arms. Belle touched his face gently. She was half asleep, and she said dreamily, “I wuv Poppy.”

John looked at the little girl with longing in his eyes, thinking that she could have been his. She could have been his daughter with Marlena, and the ache that came with that knowledge bordered on painful, because instead, Belle was Roman’s daughter. Roman had this amazing little girl as his daughter, and he’d left her, and her mother. John whispered, “I wish, I was your daddy. I wish that a piece of Marlena and myself existed in this world, but I’ll tell you something, little Tink…I love you as if you were my own. It’s something deep down inside Poppy’s chest that fills with so much love when he sees you. It’s the same feeling I have for Brady, and the same feeling I have for Sami…and I felt it for you, as soon as I held your tiny body in my hands.”

Sami felt a sob catch in her throat. He’d told her, he loved her before, but the way he was speaking right then, she could feel his pain. It was palpable. 

“You know, Tink, the day your Mommy had you, I was there. I was there for all of it,” John said, brushing his finger over Belle’s cheek. “I delivered you. Your Mommy and I…we talked about how, you could have been mine, and I told her…I told her I wanted to you to be my child. I remember it so clearly.” John realized that Belle was asleep, and then he saw Sami standing in the doorway with tears on her face. “I didn’t realize you were there.”

“You really love me?” Sami asked with a whisper.

“Every day since your Mother placed you in my arms when you were seventeen months old. Ever since, Sami…you have been my daughter,” John told her. “I will continue to tell you that, until you believe it.”

Sami was quiet, staring at him and Belle for a long time, and finally she said, “I believe it. Right now, I believe it.” More tears trailed down her face, and she said, “When you left me that night so long ago…I woke up the following morning with Mom, and the man I’d known as Mr. Patrick…I felt so—so lost. So abandoned. My hate for you started to grow. It wasn’t hate at first. It was sadness, and fear. But then it became something more, as time went by. You married Isabella, and then Brady was born. It felt like you were starting over, and I’d never mattered—”

“—no, Sami. G-d, no.” John gently climbed out of Belle’s bed, making sure she was settled, and went to where Sami stood in the doorway. His arms wrapped around her, and he whispered, “Isabella and Brady, they took the pain of losing you away. They dulled it to an ache, but, Peanut…I always felt the loss. Every time I saw you, it was this fresh slice of pain across my heart, and it was as if I was loosing you all over again.”

“You never said…”

“You were distant,” he told her. “Every time I saw you, it was as if you were further and further away.”

“I was…my fear turned into hate, and then I went to Colorado to get away from them. Mostly Roman, but then you and Mom had the affair, and I was so confused. I wasn’t allowed to have you in my life, but Mom could sneak around and—and…”

“I’m sorry, Sami. I’m sorry that our affair hurt you so much. I never…your Mom and I never intended for that to happen,” John told her.

Sami started crying again, looking away from him, “I’ve done so many horrible things.”

“Sami, when people hurt…they sometimes don’t make the best decisions. That doesn’t change how much we love them. What you’ve done, you’re anger towards me and your Mother, the situation with Carrie and Austin, you’re trying to make up for that,” John told her, tipping her face up to meet his. “But, don’t ever doubt me. I didn’t love you any less then. My love for you has never wavered.”

“But why?” she asked him, unable to stop the tears. “Why?”

“Because, Samantha Gene Brady, whether you admit it or not, I’m your Father. I will always be your Father,” he said staring into her eyes. 

“I did something,” she whispered. “Something bad…and—and I’m so scared to tell you. I’m so scared you’ll hate me. And now Mom’s gone, and it’s too late to tell her—”

“—we’re going to find your Mother, Sami. I won’t rest until I do.”

Sami looked at Belle, sleeping soundly in her bed, just as John had left her. Sami whispered, “You’re Belle’s father.” 

John stared at her trying to process what Sami had just said. Was she speaking metaphorically? “Peanut…”

“I went into the hospital computer, and changed the blood test results…when Mom was pregnant,” Sami said softly. “I—I did that…”

John looked at Sami helplessly, and then quickly glanced at Belle, before turning back to Sami, “No…no…Sami, why? Why would you do that?”

“I was angry. I felt like…well, Dr. Bower said, maybe it was transference. Maybe I felt like since you’d abandoned me, you would abandon Belle, too. I know it sounds dumb, and I can’t say why. Except, I was so angry! Always angry. I couldn’t escape the anger inside me and it was eating me up! I was depressed, and then I was bulimic, and I started cutting myself…”

John was quiet, and then he whispered, “Belle’s mine? She’s my daughter?”

“I’m sorry,” Sami whispered back, afraid to speak any louder. “I’m so sorry.”

John didn’t know what to say, or what to do. Belle was his daughter, and Sami had known for almost three years, but in that moment, none of it mattered. None of it, because Belle, his little Tink…she was his daughter. John looked at Sami, his eyes shining with tears, “You’re sure? She’s mine?”

Sami had expected his anger, his disappointment. She knew it was deserved, but all she saw in his eyes was hope. She gave him a small smile, “Yeah. You can do a test if you want to be sure—”

“—no…I think, I knew. I think, I felt it,” John whispered staring at the small girl in her bed. “Sami,” he said, staring into her blue eyes, “I felt something when she was born. A pull at my soul.”

Sami threw herself in John’s arms, “I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything!”

John smoothed his hand over her back, and he whispered, “Peanut, I’m not going to say it’s okay, because we both know it wasn’t. But I understand your pain. I understand why you did it. We can talk about it later, once we have your Mom home with us again.”

“Do you really think she’s alive?”

“I know she’s alive, and I promise you. I’m going to find her,” John said, wiping the tears from Sami’s face. “This plane crash is just another of Stefano’s tricks.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena awoke on a soft plush bed, in a gilded cage. She was disoriented and scared. She sat up slowly, still feeling dizzy, and glanced towards the door where a shaft of light lit the room she was imprisoned in. In a chair, watching her carefully was Stefano DiMera, “My dear, Marlena. I’m so glad you’ve awakened.”

“Where am I?” she asked.

“It doesn’t concern you right now. Just know, I am pleased to finally have my Queen of the Night home at last,” he said with a smile.

Chapter 10

Let me be your shelter, shelter

From the storm outside

Let me be your shelter, shelter

From the endless night

Shelter – Maria McKee

The search of Stefano’s warehouse had turned up nothing but a board game, and a pair of goggles. Both items had fixed John’s attention for the last week. Whenever Kristen was looking for him, she knew that he would either be with the children, or in the wine cellar staring at a board game she hadn’t seen since she was eight years old. It was beginning to feel like the only time he noted her existence was at bedtime, or if she was having abdominal cramps. She had believed that getting Marlena out of the house, and away from John, would put her husbands focus back on her. That wasn’t the case. Instead, he had become obsessed with finding her. During his waking hours…and during his sleep.

John had refused to send Sami and Belle to the pub, even though he wasn’t their father, and bore no responsibility to them at all. He suddenly seemed hyper focused on them, especially Belle. He told Kristen, he felt safer with them nearby, and sending them to the pub was too much to put on Shawn and Caroline in their advanced age. She had an innate feeling that there was more to it. 

Then there was Sami. Sami was making her life a living hell. Every time she turned a corner the girl was there, watching her. In was unnerving. She hadn’t been able to check in with her father, because she was scared to make the phone call from her bedroom, in fear that John might come in while she was on the line, but she couldn’t seem to find anywhere else to call from, since Sami was lurking around corners. After their encounter in her Father’s study, Kristen couldn’t be sure where Sami might be. The girl was always watching her.

Kristen was more than relieved when Sami resumed her volunteer shifts at the hospital a few days ago. John had just driven her there, and she was expecting him back at any moment. She sighed, rubbing her hand over her stomach, as she watched Brady and Belle play in the garden. Dr. Bader was concerned at her last appointment that the baby wasn’t growing the way it should, and she had, again, told Kristen to try and keep her pregnancy as stress free as possible. Kristen had no idea how she was supposed to do that, given her current circumstances.

She watched Belle and Brady play, and was struck by how similar they were in their mannerisms. It was difficult sometimes for her to remember that they actually weren’t related to each other at all. John said it was because they spent so much time together. There was a definite bond between the two of them. Brady took care of Belle, as if she were the other half of his heart. It would have been endearing, if Kristen didn’t hate the little girl so much. She was so much like Marlena in her features and her coloring, that Kristen could barely look at the girl. Her smile was her mothers, her hazel eyes, and her honey colored hair, all of it was a reflection of Marlena, and Kristen hated it. If Belle were John’s child, she’d absolutely despise the girl.

John entered the house with a sigh, as he clutched the results of Belle’s DNA test in his fist. Sami had told him the truth. Belle was his daughter. His daughter with Marlena. When he’d dropped Sami for her shift at the hospital, he’d stopped by the lab to pick up the report. He hadn’t allowed himself to open it until he was back home, sitting in the garage. His hands were still shaking. Belle was his daughter. Knowing that, knowing that he had created her out of love, with Marlena, that night on the plane, caused love to swell up inside him. He stood by the doors leading out to the garden, and watched Belle and Brady play, while Kristen sat nearby. He was going to have to tell Kristen. His wife deserved to know. Then, he was going to have to tell Brady and Belle…although Belle was still young, so she might not truly understand. 

Stepping into the garden, John said, “Kristen.”

She smiled up at him brightly, “John! You’re back so soon.”

“I just dropped Sami off, and then I had to pick something up at the lab,” he said. “I need to talk to you about it.”

“The lab? John, are you sick?” she asked.

He stared at Belle, watching as she rocked back and forth on the small plastic pony she seemed to adore so much. Brady stood nearby, yelling, “Giddy up, Belle! Giddy up!”

Taking a seat beside Kristen, John reached for her hand. He wasn’t sure how one went about sharing news of this magnitude. With a sigh, he said, “Sami told me something, about a week ago…the first night Marlena was taken. She told me that Belle was my daughter…she said, she switched the blood test results in the hospital computer.”

Kristen’s world collapsed, “What? How could she do that? She was fourteen when Belle was born!”

John smiled sardonically. He understood Kristen’s shock, he’d been surprised as well, but mixed up in the shock, was a little bit of pride. Not pride over what she’d done, but pride over her level of intelligence. He said, “Sami’s also smarter than half of the city of Salem.”

Kristen looked at Belle. No. A growing sense of dread mixed with hate swirled in her gut, “If Sami told you a week ago, why are you just telling me now?”

John paused, sensing Kristin’s irritation, and then said slowly, “Sami has a history of…lying. I wanted to be sure, before I told you. I needed to be positive first, because, even though I felt the truth of it when she told me, I needed to have the scientific proof in front of me. This changes everything Kristen. It changes our lives.” He looked at Belle, “She’s my daughter. My daughter with Doc.”

My daughter with Doc. Kristen wanted to spit with rage. She asked John shortly, “Is this why you refused to allow Sami and Belle to go stay at the pub?”

“No. No, I spoke with Sami about that, before she told me the truth about Belle,” he said. “I’d already asked Sami to stay with us. Kristen, Sami’s my daughter. I love her. You know that.”

Kristen couldn’t rage the way she wanted to. She had to maintain this sweet, accepting, angelic persona she’d created, and the stress of it was going to destroy her. She smiled sweetly at John, reaching for his hand, “Of course, you wanted her to stay. You raised her, and you’ve practically raised Belle. I’ll admit that finding this out is surprising—”

“—I’m sorry to drop it on you like this,” John said. “I just found out.” He held the paternity test results in his hand, “I needed to know for sure before I told you. It’s 99.9% that I’m Belle’s father.”

John stood up slowly, and walked over to Belle, and Brady. Plopping himself on the grass near them, he smiled when Belle ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck, and screamed, “My Poppy!”

John wrapped his arms around both of them, hugging their little bodies close to his. When Belle said, my Poppy, it rang in his heart like it never had before. He was hers, and she was his. “Hey, you two,” John drawled softly. “I need to speak with you about something. I got some news today.”

Belle looked at John with wide-eyed innocence, “Mama?”

“No, honey,” John said, in a choked voice. “Not yet, but your Mama loves you with all of her heart.”

“But, she’s my Mama, too. Right, Daddy? She’s my Mama, too,” Brady said, needing reassurance that Marlena loved and missed him as well.

Kristen watched the scene with growing ire. Brady referring to Marlena as his Mother was infuriating. The fact that John and Sami seemed to encourage it, was even more disgusting. She was his stepmother. If he was calling anyone Mama, it should be her. Instead she watched as John told his son, “Yes, Brady, your Mama, too.”

“I miss Mama,” Belle said, rubbing her face in John’s neck.

“Mama will be home soon,” he told her. Looking at Brady, John said, “I promise.”

“That’s good,” Brady said. “Because she makes the best hot chocowate.”

“She does, does she?” John asked with a chuckle. “I didn’t know this.”

“She does, and she puts wittle marshmewos in it, too.”

“When she gets home, maybe she can make some for all of us,” John told him. “And we can cuddle, and watch movies with popcorn?”

“Popcown…” Belle sighed, snuggling deeper into John’s neck. She was tired, he could tell, and she would need a nap soon, which would be convenient, because then he could go back into the wine cellar, and study those goggles some more.

“I found out something important today,” John said softly, making sure that both Belle and Brady were paying attention. “I found out today, that I’m Belle’s, Daddy.”

Brady stared at him for a moment, “You Belle’s Daddy, too?”

“I am,” John said. “And that makes her, your sister.”

“My sista? Belle’s my sista?” Brady asked with a laugh.

“She is. And you know what that means, Slugger?”

“What?”

“That means, that you always have to love her, and protect her, no matter what,” John said. “And Belle, honey, that means I’m your Daddy, too.”
The little girl picked her head up, smiling at John, and touched his face lightly with her small hand, “Poppy my Daddy?”

“I’m your Daddy,” he said softly, smiling at her.

“Like Bwady?”

“Brady’s your brother,” John told her, realizing that he had tears on his cheek.

“Why you cwy, Poppy. Don’t cwy,” Belle said, patting him gently, trying to comfort him.

“Sometimes when someone is very happy, Belle, they cry a little.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena watched as Belle picked her head up, smiling at John as she touched his face lightly with her small hand, “Poppy my Daddy?”

“I’m your Daddy,” he said softly, smiling at her.

“Like Bwady?” Belle asked him.

“Brady’s your brother,” John told her, with tears on his cheek.

“Why you cwy, Poppy? Don’t cwy,” Belle said, patting him gently, trying to comfort him.

“Sometimes when someone is very happy, Belle, they cry a little,” John whispered.

Marlena woke from her dream with a start, staring at the ceiling of her golden cage, with tears trailing her cheeks, saturating the satin pillowcase beneath her. Next to her, Stefano put his book down, leaning forward, he said, “Something has changed.”

Marlena looked away. His eyes were always watching her, and she couldn’t stand it. He hadn’t been in there when she’d fallen asleep, so he’d obviously snuck in at some point to sit there, and watch her. She hated him. Looking back towards him, she said, “What?”

“You. You’ve changed. I can see it in your eyes…there’s a light…an—an energy!” He said with excitement, leaning even closer. “What caused it?”

Marlena thought about her dream. The dream that brought her so much joy in slumber, and so much sadness upon waking. Marlena refused to answer. She refused to give him any information that he might try to use against her later.

Stefano continued, realizing she wouldn’t volunteer any information, “You were dreaming about your daughter, weren’t you? That’s what changed you?”

She looked away. Pain, loss, and fear etching a novel across her heart. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of reading the emotions in her eyes. She whispered, “It was just a dream.”

“Hmmm, it’s not real now,” he said. “But soon. It will be.”

“No…you’ve made that an impossible dream.”

“Maybe not as impossible as you think, my dear. I—I could bring Belle he—”

“—no!” Marlena screamed, jolting up in the bed. 

Where she had previously been lethargic and nearly unresponsive, Stefano now smiled at the energy she exhibited. “I could, you know. I could bring her to you. Wouldn’t that make you happy?”

“No! No! Not here. Not near you,” Marlena hissed. “I would never want my daughter anywhere near you!”

“That’s a shame,” he said, trailing his fingers over her arm, and nearly laughing when she pulled away from him. “I thought having her here might help your transition.”

Marlena’s eyes shot up to his quickly, “My transition?”

“Some day Marlena, you will come to me willingly. You will come to my bed, and I will show you what it is to be loved by Stefano DiMera,” he told her. 

His lust filled eyes repulsed her. The feel of his fingers on her skin brought up memories of Kellam. Feelings of helplessness that she’d worked for years to overcome. Those same feelings that came back to her after Orpheus took her to Stockholm, or when Frank attacked her…or the last time, in her office. She felt them pulling her down, and she looked away, rolling to her side, and presented Stefano with her back. 

Marlena said nothing, and Stefano’s face lit with a feral smile. He would have her. He would wear her down to nothing, and then he would possess her soul.

Chapter 11

And sometimes, I dream we find each other in the night

And pass each other by

But part of me is running through

Every vein inside of you…

To Miss Someone – Maria McKee

The first time John saw Marlena in the goggles, he nearly lost his mind. His mind had scrambled to understand what he was seeing, and correlate it with his known surroundings, which had been nearly impossible. She was backed into a shower, inside an ornate cage, in a dark stone walled room. Shielding her naked body from Stefano with a shower curtain, she had begged the man to get away from her, and John had roared his helplessness into the silence of the wine cellar. Her face was etched in fear. Her body held tense, and rigid. John knew what Stefano was doing to her. He was using her fear to break her down. She would be remembering Kellam, Orpheus, Frank. His uncontrolled cry for her, done in desperation, had spanned time and space, causing Marlena to pause, glancing around herself into the darkened room, and whisper, “John?” He’d known, she felt him. 

That’s how Kristen found him, roaring out his helplessness in their wine cellar like a wild animal. He knew he’d scared his wife, but when the goggles died, and he’d lost sight of Marlena, all he could imagine was Stefano’s hand’s on her body. John knew, he could feel, how scared Marlena was. Kristen tried to convince him it was all a trick. A mind game concocted by her Father. She tried to say, what he’d seen was a hoax, a figment of his imagination. Her fatal mistake was reminding him that Marlena was dead. He knew, he knew, what he’d seen was real. Marlena was not dead. 

Since that night, John used every opportunity he could to return to the wine cellar, use the goggles once they were charged, and check on Marlena’s welfare. Sometimes she was sleeping, and he watched her, while he searched her prison for clues, keeping track of every word the staff spoke, and every design aspect of the room. If Marlena were awake, John’s rapt attention was focused on her, listening to every whispered word Marlena spoke when she thought no one could hear her. She spoke to John. She’d lay on her bed for hours having conversations with him, not knowing that he was there, and that he heard every word. Words that she had never told him. Words that spoke to his soul. She was his and he was hers, although he couldn’t yet admit that aloud.

Sami was determined to help him find her mother in any way she could. She had decided she would decode the board game. She and her friend, Lucas, spent hours learning to play the board game he’d found at Stefano’s warehouse. It had directions, but they were convoluted, and at times, they made no sense. Sami wasn’t giving up, and John had no doubt, the girl would figure it out. Lucas was a huge help, because the game, and the directions, were in French. Kristen helped when she could, but her pregnancy was so fragile, and she was sick so often, that she couldn’t help Sami as often as she would like.

John rolled out of bed, and sat staring out the window. It was a full moon, and the blue haze of light cast a glow across the antique carpet on the floor. Scrubbing his hands over his face, he glanced at the clock and sighed, it was nearly 3:00 am, and he knew he wasn’t going to get anymore sleep. Standing up, he stretched his back, slid his feet into his slippers, and put on his robe. If insomnia was going to keep him awake, he should go check on Doc. Kristen had begged him to stop using the goggles, but he couldn’t. She didn’t understand why, and he knew his obsession with finding Marlena was hurting her. He couldn’t stop. Sami asked him everyday for updates, and he couldn’t let her down. But ultimately, the truth was, a part of him felt connected to Marlena when he observed her, and he couldn’t let that go. As much as he looked in on Marlena for Sami’s peace of mind, John knew he was doing it for his own as well. Glancing down at Kristen, he felt a small twinge of guilt, before he turned, and left the room quietly.

Kristen heard the door close with a soft snick, and clutched her stomach as another pain ripped through her abdomen. She refused to cry, instead listening to John’s footsteps tread down the hallway. She whispered, “I cannot lose this baby. If I lose this baby, I’ve lost John.” She curled onto her side, taking deep, cleansing breaths, and tried to calm herself down. Her hands gently molded and rubbed over her still-flat stomach, as she whispered, “I cannot lose this baby.”

She thought about the mess Marlena’s kidnapping had made of her life. Everyday John tried to get her to help Sami with the game. She had carelessly mentioned, when he found it, that she’d played the game with Stefano as a little girl, and now John was convinced that she might have information in her memory somewhere that would help him determine the location. John thought the city of origin for the game might be the same location Stefano was hiding Marlena in. He was right, of course, but there was no way she was ever divulging that information. She would allow Sami and Lucas to continue to putter around with the game. They wouldn’t get anywhere. Sami was smart, but she wasn’t smart enough to learn the real secret of the game. It was a city…but Sami wouldn’t be able to deduce that it was a city, underneath a city. The game was a representation of the Paris catacombs, and Kristen was keeping that information to herself.

She sighed, and rolled onto her other side, continuing to rub her hands over her belly in a soothing motion. If John was going to spend all night in the wine cellar pining over Marlena, she was going to go back to sleep. She was secure in the knowledge that he wouldn’t find his precious Doc. He’d eventually get over it, and move on, with her, because, if her Father was anything, it was obsessive, and there was no way he would let Marlena go. 

In the dimly lit wine cellar, John sat on the cold stone floor, watching Marlena through the goggles. She was beautiful. She would always be beautiful, but she was wilting, like a flower left without sunlight. He observed it in her eyes, and the way she held her shoulders. She’d lost that air of confidence she usually exuded. His hand lifted, as if to touch her, even though John knew he couldn’t reach her.

He studied Marlena as she sat on her bed, wringing her hands. Blonde hair hung in long waves around her shoulders, and her silk dressing down hung open in the front. Her room was dark, lit only by a small bedside lamp, which cast a haunted light across her face. She was nervous. Why? Then he heard her soft voice, laced with sadness, “He’s going to do something, John. I can feel it…he knows you watch me. Are you—are you watching me now? How would I know? G-d, I wish I could know.”

John sat forward, whispering to himself, “Wait…What? How would Stefano know that I watch her? Unless the device alerts him when it’s in use?” He was quiet for a moment, “Damn. I bet that’s it. How else would he know?”

The door to the large antechamber opened, and cast a light over Marlena still form. John knew who it was without even turning to look. He could read Marlena’s eyes, and know who was there. Then, he heard Stefano’s voice, sounding unsure, “I, um…I…”

“What’s he playing at?” John whispered aloud. “Doc’s right. He’s up to something.” Even as John sat in his wine cellar, his head turned to study Stefano’s expression.

Stefano looked solemn, leaning towards the bars of Marlena’s cage, “I did not want to give you the news until I was sure…”

Marlena stood up, approaching the man on the other side of the bars, and she said, “You’ve done something terrible, haven’t you?”

Stefano sighed with phony sadness, “I’m sorry…I’m sorry he made it necessary…you see, if he had believed the truth…if he had just realized that you were gone forever…but he would not give up on you—”

“—John?” Marlena asked, with terror rising up inside her. “What’s happened to John? What have you done? You tell me!”

“Nothing, Baby! Nothing!” John yelled. “I’m right here!”

Stefano shook his head sadly, “He’s gone, Marlena. He’s dead.”

John jumped to his feet, screaming, “He’s lying! No, Doc! He’s lying!”

Marlena’s agony was tearing his heart out. John watched her, shake her head in denial, as tears welled up in her eyes, and she whispered, “No. No…John’s not dead.”

“I would not lie to you about something so important, Marlena,” Stefano drawled.

She can barely speak. Her throat feels like it’s closing up on her, and she gasps out, “Well, then…you—you murdered him. You—you’ve always hated him. You’ve al—always envied him, so you finally did it.”

“G-d! Doc, no! No! I’m here,” John cried, feeling wet tears slide down his face. 

“You’ve finally murdered him,” Marlena sobbed. 

“You don’t understand, do you?” Stefano shouted. “Marlena! I’ve done everything I could for John to see the light! If John had chosen to stay with Kristen, and John had chosen to stay with his child, it would have been a different life for him, but oh, no, no, no, he has to fight me, and…he lost!”

“No!” Marlena cried. “No! Not my John!” She turned away from Stefano, feeling the tightness in her chest begin to overwhelm her, as she whispered, “Not my John.”

“Fuck!” John roared, his voice echoing in the wine cellar. “No! Doc, baby, he’s lying! He’s trying to break you down! He’s trying to bend you to his will, but I’m not dead! I’m alive! I’m alive!” John watched her fall helplessly onto her bed, sobbing uncontrollably, and John sobbed along with her, “Baby! G-d, Baby, I’m alive!” 

Stefano walked out of the room, the sound of his shoes on the stone floor echoing off the walls. The door closed, and Marlena was left in the soft light of a nearby lamp. And she continued to sob, breaking John’s heart into smaller pieces with every wail that escaped her body. John slid to the floor, reaching for her, but unable to touch her. He sat there for over an hour, watching her cry for him, and he tried to think of her, to love her across a distance. He tried to somehow will her to know that he was alive, but it wasn’t going to work. Stefano had been breaking her slowly, and maybe this was the last straw.

The battery on the goggles had died long before Sami found John sitting on the cellar floor. His skin was cold, and his lips had a blue tinge. Sami touched him lightly, attempting to get his attention, “John? Daddy?” He looked at her. He’d never seem so lost. Something was wrong. “Daddy, what’s wrong?”

John didn’t want to upset her, so he hesitated.

“You said we were going to be honest with each other,” she reminded him gently. “You promised.”

John cleared his throat, and said roughly, “Stefano…he, um, he told your mother that I’m dead.”

Sami’s heart sank. She knew what that would do to Marlena. It couldn’t destroy her. Sami whispered softly, “No.”

“I watched Doc break right before my eyes, and there was absolutely nothing I could do,” he whispered on a sob.

Sami had to help him. She had to give him some spark of hope. “I—I found something interesting in the game,” she whispered. “What if it’s a city, below a city?”

“Below a city? What city can you think of that—”

“—Paris,” Sami whispered quickly. “Paris has a complex networks of catacombs underneath it. It makes sense. The games in French, and there was an obscure reference to a guillotine in a small corner of the board.”

“How can we be sure?”

“Lucas has a friend. He’s getting us a map of the Paris catacombs, and if it lines up—”

“—we’re one step closer to finding your Mother,” John said, feeling hopeful for the first time in weeks.

Chapter 12

**This chapter may be upsetting for some people. It contains scenes of unwanted sexual attention, violence, and disassociation by the victim.**

There is a wound inside me

And it’s bleeding like a flood

There are times when I see light ahead

But hope is not enough…

Am I the Only One – Maria McKee

Nothing mattered anymore. Her body was nothing. She was nothing. She could feel Stefano’s fingers trailing over her skin, and she could smell his sour breath as he spoke to her, but still….she felt nothing, because she was nothing. John was gone. Killed. Murdered. Dead. She was a prisoner, and therefore, she was nothing. 

“I want you, Marlena,” Stefano panted in her ear. “Your skin is so soft, so fragrant. Tell me, you want me, my queen. Tell me.”

She felt his lips on her neck, sliding wetly over her skin. Her body shuddered in revulsion, and Stefano smiled, thinking himself a great seducer. Still, she said nothing. She wondered how she could be so repulsed, so disgusted by him, and yet she was frozen in time and space, unable to push him away. A tear escaped her eye. John was gone. Gone. Stefano had killed him. Stefano had taken her away from her children, and she had nothing left. Because she was nothing. Because John was gone.

“Ah, yes…I can see the way your body responds to my touch,” Stefano whispered. “The way your skin ripples under my fingers, and you shake with arousal. All for me…all of it for me, my darling.”

Marlena felt the bile rise up in her throat, and she swallowed thickly, pushing it back down. Inside she was screaming. Screaming for it to stop. Screaming for release. Screaming for John…but her mind kept reminding her, John was gone.

Across an ocean, John took the goggles from their place in the case. The light was green, and they were fully charged. He sighed. His attention pulled in two directions. Kristen’s appointment with Dr. Bader that morning had been concerning. The baby wasn’t growing the way it should, and Dr. Bader had detected a heart murmur. She was worried that Kristen could lose the pregnancy, so she had ordered her to be on strict bedrest. Kristen had become nearly hysterical, and she’d been sedated when her blood pressure spiked.

John knew his job was to focus on his wife. He needed to make her, his first priority, and yet, the whole time he was with Kristen, getting her home, getting her settled into bed, and sitting with her until she fell asleep, he’d been itching inside. Itching to get away from her, so he could check on Marlena. He listened to her with half an ear, he mindlessly retrieved water for her, and pulled the blankets up over her. But, as he stood in the wine cellar preparing to use the goggles to look in on Marlena, he couldn’t remember most of the last hour. His mind had been so consumed with a woman who was not his wife. Placing the goggles on his face, he was overcome with guilt, thinking he should be with Kristen, and yet, he could also admit, that wouldn’t stop him.

It took a few moments for the goggles to show him something, and he wasn’t prepared for the sight that accosted him. Marlena stood, so still, and barely breathing. She wore only a cream colored satin chemise, which landed mid-thigh, her long legs exposed. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders. Stefano was flush against her back, holding her to him with one arm, while the other stroked over her face, and her neck. Marlena shuddered in fear, and John watched as a predatory smile came over Stefano’s face. 

John didn’t know he was holding his own breath, until he heard Marlena say, barely above a whisper, “No…stop…”

Stefano’s hand continued to caress over her skin. “Do you remember what you promised me, my queen?” Stefano asked her in a rough, arousal laden voice. “Your body for one night, in exchange for your freedom.”

“Doc, no!” John cried out, finally releasing the breath he had been holding. What had she agreed to? Why had she agreed to it? But, he knew, she thought he was dead. She was taken from everyone she loved, and isolated. So isolated. She couldn’t do this. She would regret it for the rest of her life. John thundered, “No, Baby…no!”

She felt lost, floating outside herself, as if she were watching everything from above. It wasn’t her body that Stefano’s hands were roaming over. It wasn’t her skin that he was kissing. It was someone else. It had to be someone else…but, she could feel the heat of his palm as it skimmed over her hip, pulling the silk of the chemise up her thigh. She could feel his thick, meaty fingers, as they gripped her flesh, and she knew it was happening to her. 

Flashes of Kellam pushing her onto a bed, while raging at her, bombarded her mind like a series of bombs. Images that couldn’t be escaped. His wet lips hovering over her with spittle dotting over them. Her heart was racing from fear, and she couldn’t move.

John watched Marlena’s face wince, and her head turn to the side, as if she was trying to escape something tied up inside of herself. Stefano’s hands moved up, cupping her breasts, and John roared, the sound exploding from him so fast it jerked his body forward, “Doc! No!”

Marlena felt a jerk inside her, and she arched forward, out of Stefano’s grasp, explosively shouting, “No!”

Stefano stared at her in shock, and anger. His eyes darkened with rage, “No? You tell me no?”

Her mind was awash with memories of John. Their honeymoon in West Virginia, and their wedding. His hands on her body in Stockholm, and licking whipped cream off of his lips. Taking the twins and Carrie to the park. Roller skating. Bubble baths. Burnt eggs and toast. Laughter. Tears. Love. A myriad of memories swirled through her mind, and she whispered with a smile, staring off blankly, “No.”

“You bitch! You slut!” Stefano roared. “You led me on! You said, you would do this, come to my bed willingly, complacently…for your freedom! To see your children again!”

She spun around to stare at him, crossing her arms to shield her body from his eyes, unsure of where her current burst of energy came from. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks, “No! No! I can’t! I won’t! I—I wouldn’t be able to look my children in their eyes, knowing what I’d done…I’d be too ashamed!”

Stefano was enraged, the aching throb of his cock driving him to violence, “If you deny me, you’ve given them up, Marlena! You will never see them again!” He stepped closer to her, grabbing her arm, and twisting it viciously, smiling when he heard it snap, “You’re mine, Marlena. You will always be mine. It’s only a matter of time.”

Marlena shrieked in pain, her voice echoing off of the stone walls. Releasing her arm with a sneer, Stefano left her there, cradling it against her body. John watched, powerless to help her, as she sank to the stone floor. He could hear Stefano tell someone, “Get her a doctor. I’ve broken her arm,” and a softly murmured, “Yes, Sir, Mr. DiMera.” 

“Doc, oh, G-d, Doc,” John whispered, stumbling towards a wooden crate full of wine. He balanced himself against it, feeling the shake and shudder of his legs, as he continued to stare upon Marlena’s broken form on the floor of her gilded cage. “Oh, Baby. Baby, please feel me…I love you. I love you so much, and I’m going to find you. I promise. I promise…Marlena, I promise…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

July 1996

John was leaving her to go after Marlena. Kristen still hadn’t managed to come to terms with it. Even though she knew he’d been planning it for several days. Kristen stared at John with tears in her eyes, “You’re leaving me?”

John sighed. “Kristen, honey, I know it’s sudden, and I’m sorry, but it can’t wait,” John told her, carelessly shoving a weeks worth of clothing into a large black canvas duffle bag. “Stefano has her somewhere in France. I know it.”

“Well,” she said brightly, “maybe, I can go with you?”

John reached for her, “No. Absolutely not.” He pulled her close, hugging her to him, and said, “Dr. Bader wants you on bedrest. You know that. You can’t be taking international flights over the Atlantic, and putting your body through the stress of jet lag. No. You stay here.”

“I’m so worried,” she said, staring up at him with what she hoped were wide, innocent eyes. “My Father…he won’t want to let her go. He’s dangerous.”

“I know, you’re worried about, Doc. You’ve been such a good friend to her. I’m going to find her, Kristen. I promise, and then I’ll bring her home,” John said.

The door to John and Kristen’s bedroom flew open, and Sami came in screaming, “Bastille Day! That’s where he was taking her!”

John stopped moving, as he stared at Sami, “Bastille Day?”

“Yes! Remember the other day, when you said Stefano had her in a fancy dress? You said he mentioned a street fair?”

John nodded his head, “Yeah, but he didn’t say what type of street fair. We know she’s in France, probably Paris, but we don’t know for sure—”

“—We do!” Sami whooped. “Lucas! Get in here!”

Lucas Roberts came into the room slowly, “Sorry, Mr. Black. She, um, she wouldn’t wait.”

“Dad, you’re going to Paris. Mom’s in Paris, and Stefano’s got her in the catacombs. I can prove it,” Sami said, with a huge grin. Looking at Lucas she said, “Where’s the map you brought?” Sami snatched it from his hands in excitement, and laid it out on the floor, “It matches the layout of the game exactly! And guess what? The only European holiday on July 14 is Bastille Day! She’s in Paris!” Looking at Lucas, Sami asked him, “Do you have the newspaper?”

“Yeah,” Lucas replied, handing it to her. He nearly laughed out loud when Sami shoved the newspaper under John’s nose.

“Dad! Look!” Sami said excitedly. “See those costumes? See what it says? Bastille Day! I know we’re right.”

John glanced back and forth between Sami’s fevered gaze, and Lucas’s shy confidence, “You’re sure?”

“Yes, Sir,” Lucas said. “The only other holiday even close to July 14 is the National Day of Belgium, and that isn’t until nearly two weeks after Bastille Day. I’m sure.”

John zipped his bag roughly, telling Sami, “I have a contact in Paris, we worked a case together once, and your Uncle Shane is waiting for my call.” John kissed a shell-shocked Kristen on the forehead, and then pulled Sami into his arms, whispering, “I’m going to find you mother, Peanut. I promise.”

“I believe you,” Sami said softly. “I believe you.”

“John” Kristen cried. “Half of the Paris catacombs are collapsed, and some of them are dangerous. You can’t do this alone!”

“Kristen, honey,” John said as calmly as he could, “I know you’re scared. I know that, but I watched—I saw him—” John’s voice caught in his throat, and he finally rasped out, “He broke her arm! Everyday that she’s with him, she’s being physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused! I can’t leave her there. I won’t do it, and I won’t trust anyone but myself, Abe, and  Shane to bring her home.”

Kristen gave him the only response she could, while three sets of eyes rested on her, “I know. I’m just…scared.”

Lucas looked sideways at Sami, and saw her smirk as she watched Kristen. He wasn’t surprised. Sami was convinced that Kristen wasn’t who she pretended to be. He wasn’t sure. Kristen had always seemed nice enough, but Lucas also knew that when it came to Sami, nobody was sneakier than the self-proclaimed Queen of Sneaks. He watched Kristen glance sideways at Sami, and thought, if he was a betting man, he’d put his money on Samantha Gene Brady.

John slung his bag over his shoulder, reaching for Sami’s hand, “One last hug, Peanut, then I gotta go.”

When they reached the foyer, Abe was already waiting, “You ready, partner?”

“That’s a fact,” John said. “The planes ready to go. I’m calling Shane on the way to the airport. Can you drive?”

Chapter 13

**Trigger Warning: Topics of rape and suicide**

You wanna watch me bleed?

You’ve come to pick the bones clean, baby?

No, but you can’t bully me

No, no, you can’t…

Can’t Pull the Wool Down (Over the Little Lamb’s Eyes) – Maria McKee

First Week of August 1996

“Abe!” John cried in exasperation. “This has got to work. We know he’s going after the Marie Antoinette crown tomorrow night. He’s going to have Doc there, because he’s trying to win her favor by taking her out. We have to get her.”

“Once we know which entrance he is using into the catacombs, we will have a greater chance of finding him,” Rene said. “The catacombs are expansive. This plan will allow us to narrow our search region.”

John sighed, pacing his friends office in Paris, “I understand. I know that. But it’s been two weeks. Two weeks! She’s just had her cast taken off this morning, so her arm was broken more than six weeks ago!”

Shane felt John’s agitation rolling off of him in waves. He stepped forward, “We’ve got to be methodical about this, Jo—”

“—Shane! She’s losing hope! I can see it in her eyes! She thinks she’s going to die with him!” John watched her every chance he could. Stefano knew he was watching. He had another set of goggles, and when John was using the goggles, the case in Marlena’s prison would flash. Stefano’s facial expression would change, and his conversation with Marlena would become more guarded. 

They had been methodically searching the catacombs with teams of officers from the Paris police and the ISA. Slowly the passages were being excluded, but they had barely covered a quarter of the city, and John felt that Marlena was running out of time. There was only so much she could handle from Stefano’s near constant emotional assault. He reminded her daily of her children, her family, and her friends that she’d lost. He reminded her that John was dead, claiming that if he’d only given her up, he would still be alive. He reminded her of her isolation. He would invade her personal space, and touch her without her permission. She was dying inside, and John had to get to her.

John watched her cry herself to sleep most nights, and he felt her slipping away. He could feel himself losing her, and the only way to pull her back, was get her away from Stefano. Taking a deep breath, he looked at Rene, “Okay. Okay…okay, tomorrow night?”

Abe placed a reassuring hand on John’s arm, “Listen, partner, I understand your concern. Marlena has been through entirely too much in her life. I understand that it’s hard for you to watch her suffer, but, John, you’ve got to hold it together! She’s going to need you, and you can’t lose it now.”

“Shit,” John said, running his fingers through his already messy hair. “Yeah. Yeah. I know.” Looking at the clock, he said, “I need to get back to the hotel room, and check on Doc. The goggles should be charged by now.”

Abe sighed, sharing a glance of sadness with Rene and Shane, “We’ve got to find her tomorrow. I don’t know how much longer either of them is going to last.”

“He loves this woman a great deal, doesn’t he?” Rene asked.

“More than you know,” Shane said softly, feeling pain for John. “Which is going to make things difficult, considering his wife.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami threw open the front door to Kristen and John’s house to answer the doorbell, which someone had rang nearly four time in sixty seconds. “Good Lord!” she cried. “Do you have no patience—” She stopped abruptly, coming face to face with her father for the first time in almost two years. Frustrated she said, “What are you doing here?”

Roman entered without invitation, “What I want to know is why, when I get home from an assignment, I’m told that my family is living in a house owned by Stefano DiMera!”

“Are you serious right now?” Sami scoffed.

“I came home, and my wife, as well as my children are nowhere to be found! I had to find out where you were from Jennifer Horton!” Roman said loudly. “Where’s your mother? I need to speak with her.”

“You can’t disappear for nearly two years, and come back demanding answers. You don’t have that right any more,” Sami said. “You lost that right the day you walked out.”

“I was on a deep cover ISA assignment! I wasn’t allowed to contact you!” Roman said loudly.

Belle and Brady came into the foyer, and Brady said, “Who’s the woud man?”

Sami laughed, “That loud man would be my Father.”

“You Daddy, Poppy,” Belle said looking confused, pulling her thumb out of her mouth.

Roman crouched down, looking at the little girl who was the image of Marlena, “Hi, Belle. It’s me, your Daddy.”

Belle looked at Roman very seriously, “No! Poppy, Daddy!”

Brady stepped forward, saying bravely, “You not her Daddy!”

“Hey, Brady, Belle, can you do me a huge favor?” Sami asked. They nodded their heads eagerly. “Can you go tell cook that Kristen wants chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese for dinner?”

“She does?” Brady asked with excitement.

“She sure does. She told me, herself,” Sami said with a smile. “Go on. Run to the kitchen and tell them.”

“Chik nuggets and macawoni!” Belle shrieked, chasing after Brady as he ran off to the kitchen.

Sami looked at Roman, and hissed, “Look, a lot of things have changed while you were on assignment, and obviously you didn’t get the memo. I guess that means it falls on me to inform you. Mom was kidnapped by Stefano nearly two months ago, because the guy is obsessed with her. Belle and I are staying here for safety reasons—”

“—kidnapped? Isn’t anyone searching for her?”

Sami rolled her eyes, “Of course, someone’s looking for her! John, Abe and Shane have been in Paris for two weeks looking for her!”

“Why the hell is John—”

Sami felt that old anxiety rise up inside her. She wasn’t going to do this with him. She couldn’t handle it, on top of everything else. “Stop! G-d, please don’t start this! It’s exhausting. Dad stepped in to help Mom, almost as soon as you left.”

Dad. Roman felt that one word like a knife to his gut. “John has a wife,” Roman stated, as if that explained everything going on in his mind at that moment.

“And? He has Kristen in his life, and you just expect him to watch Mom flounder? She was taking care of me and Belle, juggling a full time job! He’s not the kind of person to simply let her struggle,” Sami said.

Roman was growing frustrated, “You have Ma and Pop. Bo.”

“Grandma and Grandpa are in their seventies! Bo has his own child! You left with no communication, and then come back, and expect to tell everyone what to do? We were doing just fine without you!”

Roman was taken aback by Sami’s attitude, “I still can’t believe that your Mom would allow you to live here, in Stefano DiMer—”

Sami exploded, the rage she’d been holding in since she opened the front door coming out at Roman in a verbal barrage, “Shut up! Shut the fuck up!”

Roman reacted without thought, smacking his daughter across her face with a sound that echoed around the entryway, and he roared, “Don’t you dare speak to me like that!”

Sami stared at him, holding her face, and she said with venom, “Leave. Now.”

“You and Belle are my children, and you’re not staying here.”

Sami sneered at him, “I’ll be eighteen in two months. You can’t make me go anywhere.”

“Get Belle’s things together,” he demanded. 

Sami’s face stung with the pain and heat left behind by his hand, and she said, “No. Belle’s not your daughter. She’s John’s….I changed the paternity test results.”

Roman’s eyes took on the look of rolling storm clouds, and he whispered, “You’re lying.”

“Why would I do that? Why? You left us, and John stepped in to fill the shoes you vacated. He’s my Daddy. He’s always been my Daddy. But you came back and turned everything upside down. Everything! Then you left us! You fucking left us! You don’t have the right to come here, and start demanding things. Belle and I are staying right where we are, and when John comes home with Mom, you can talk to her,” Sami said. 

“She’s my wife!”

Sami laughed, “She divorced you!”

Roman almost stumbled, he was so shocked, “What?”

“She divorced you in May,” Sami said. “You can’t leave your family, abandon them, and expect to come back to everything the way it was! How can you possibly expect that?”

Later, when Sami looked back on the conversation, she could admit that she’d been abrupt, angry, even unbendingly cruel. She’d have to discuss that with Dr. Bower. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena stared off into the darkness. Stefano had finally left her, his constantly prying eyes were unnerving. She slowly stroked her hand back and forth over the satin pillowcase, and she whispered, “I wish you hadn’t held back. I wish you’d made love to me that night in my bedroom.”

John had continued watching her, even after Stefano retired for the night. He found it odd. Stefano never left her alone when John was watching. Stefano’s arrogance would always be his downfall. After two weeks of searching for Marlena, John hadn’t found her yet, and that gave Stefano a false sense of confidence. “Fuck, Baby,” John whispered softly into his dark, silent hotel room. “You look so sad.”

“I wish you’d made love to me right where we were, against the wall of the closet…but you paused. You thought about it…and you hesitated,” she said softly. “I know why. You—you didn’t want to hurt Kristen, but now you’re gone. You’re gone forever, and I—if only—”

Marlena smiled gently, “You’re so good—so honorable. It’s why I love you so. I’m sure I’ll be judged by G-d when my day comes…coveting a married man. I never stopped loving you. Not once. Not ever.” Marlena paused for a moment, “I know you’re disappointed in me. I can feel it…what I’m about to do…”

John sat up straighter, “No, Baby, no. I’m not disappointed in you. Why would I be disappoint—”

“—I’ve been saving them the whole time. Every night I tuck them away,” her breathy voice said. “I—I have about thirty or so.”

John started to wrack his brain. What was she talking about? What had she been saving? The only thing John had seen given to her in the evening were sleeping pills. He gasped, sucking air into his lungs so fast it burned. Was she saving sleeping pills? Apprehension and fear rose up in him so quickly, he felt his muscles begin to quiver.

“If I can’t get away tomorrow night…I—I can’t be here anymore. I ache too much for you, and G-d, John…the pain…the pain of knowing I’ll never taste your lips again. I’ll never feel your hands on my body. I’ll never see the children…I’d rather join you, where ever you are, then live the rest of my life like this,” she finished on a sob. “Don’t—don’t judge me too harshly…I—I can hear you in my mind.” Marlena laughed softly, “I imagine you’re screaming at me right about now. How foolish I am.”

But he wasn’t screaming. John sat motionless. She was talking about suicide. 

“He’ll never let me go home, and I’ll never allow him to bring my children to me. I would rather give them up, then subject them to a lifetime under the influence of this madman…if I can’t get away tomorrow…I’ve decided G-d would understand, but I—I don’t think you would. How long do I continue to live like this? How long?” She asked the empty room. “I…can’t let him rape me. I can’t survive another rape.”

John choked on a sob of grief. She wanted to die. He had no doubt that she would do it. Stefano had abused her for months. How much was she expected to take? He could barely breathe, as he cried, “No. G-d, Baby, no!”

Chapter 14

You are the light 

In my dark world

You are the fire

That will always burn

You Are the Light – Maria McKee

The room was awash in the cacophony of voices, tinkling champagne glasses, and the rustle of taffeta and silk. John scanned the room. It was lit by candlelight and chandeliers, and swimming in opulence. John smirked. Of course, Stefano would bring Marlena to a costume ball. It would be much easier to disguise who they were in that type of environment, but John had seen her costume when he’d used the goggles earlier, and he knew what he was looking for. 

A flash of blonde hair, and the scent of lilacs was all it took for John to take off running down the stairs, and out the side door of the extravagantly decorated ballroom, through the garden. Into his ear piece, he shouted, “I sighted them! They’re leaving through the garden!” All he could do was hope that Abe, Shane, and Rene heard him, and rallied the rest of the officers.

“You’re sure?” came Shane’s reply, as he took off running towards the garden at the back of the venue.

John laughed, “I’d know Doc anywhere. I’m going out the exit on the east side!”

“Got it!” Abe said, following closely behind Shane.

John stood in a silent, empty alley, breathing hard. He could hear Rene’s shouted orders in his ear piece, as he directed other officers towards the garden. He couldn’t lose Marlena and Stefano. Where were they? Where did they go? He closed his eyes, and listened, picking up the faint sounds of running shoes, the click of heels on the cobbled stone, a stumble, and Marlena’s shout of “Oh!”

John smiled to himself when he heard Stefano’s frantic whisper, “Hurry, My Queen, hurry!” 

Running, following the sounds of their retreat into the hazy fog, John shouted, “Doc! Doc!” Turning left he continued his chase. He wasn’t going to lose her, “Doc!”

Marlena sobbed loudly, slowing down, even as Stefano pulled at her. Stumbling, she stopped, gasping and crying. She whispered in shock, “John?” She was confused. Was she hearing things? Did she wish for his strong arms around her so badly that her mind conjured his voice from the misty air?

“John is dead!” Stefano shouted at her, shaking her body. He had to get them into the catacombs, because once they were there, John would never find them, even if he searched for years, he would never find them. He turned her body to face the direction he wanted her to go, and pushed her forward, causing her to stumble again, “Now move!”

John sprinted through the fog, stopping to listen occasionally. Entering another alley, he shouted again, “Doc! Doc, do you hear me?”

Faintly, he heard, a shouted reply, “John!”

He turned to the right, and continued running. He could hear the other men behind him, and prayed they could keep up, because he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t lose her. Not again. He could feel the sweat pouring from his brow, and still he pushed on, shoving his hair back from his forehead.

Suddenly he heard Stefano’s voice, closer than he’d anticipated, “You will keep up, Marlena. You must!”

“I can’t run anymore!” she sobbed, gasping on her words. “I heard…I heard John.”

“John is gone! Dead!” Stefano roared.

Marlena cries came harder, wracking her body. She whispered, “I need him! I need him! I want to die, too.”

John rounded the corner, seeing their shadowy forms standing at the end of another narrow passageway. The fog obscured a clear view, but it was Marlena. He would know her anywhere. Her scent surrounded him, and he felt as if he could feel her, “Doc!”

Marlena’s head shot up quickly, staring into the fog, “John!”

Stepping closer he said, in a way that only John could, “Yeah, Baby. It’s me!”

Stefano moved behind her, wrapping his arm around Marlena’s neck, “Stop there.”

“Let her go!” John roared, watching Marlena continue to sob. He leveled his gun, aiming for Stefano’s head, “Let her go now!”

“Put the gun down, John, or I break her neck!” Stefano roared.

Marlena was confused. Her mind was grasping to understand how John stood in front of her, when she had believed for weeks that he was gone. Her eyes locked with his as he came closer. Her hand reached for him, “John…”

Stefano yelled again, “Put the gun down, John! I will kill her!”

John sneered, “You won’t kill her. You never dirty your hands by committing murder yourself. You pay people to do it.”

Stefano placed his palm over Marlena’s slender neck, and he moved his other hand to cup the side of her face, “Don’t doubt that I will. You forget who trained you. You forget who created you!”

“As if I could ever forget that,” John told him.

John could hear Abe behind him, “Stefano! Let her go! We’ve got you surrounded!”

John’s eyes locked with Marlena, and then a simple flick of his eyes towards the left, and Marlena knew what he wanted. She nodded so slightly, it was only noticed by John, but the trust in her eyes was all he needed. Stefano laughed, adjusting the placement of his palm on the side of Marlena’s face, “If I can’t have her—”

Marlena reached for Stefano’s arm, pulling it down, intentionally throwing him off balance. John Black fired one shot, dead center, into Stefano DiMera’s forehead. Marlena screamed falling forward onto the ground, and caught herself with her outstretched hands, as Stefano’s slack body collapsed behind her.

Everything was a blur. John could hear Shane’s voice in his ear piece, “Shots fired! Shots fired!”

None of it mattered. Nothing, except getting to Marlena, and pulling her into the safety of his arms. The pavement was wet, and he could feel the moisture seeping though the fabric of his tuxedo pants. Marlena’s arms wrapped around his neck, and she cried hysterically, “John! John! I thought you were dead! He told me you were—”

“—no! Baby! G-d, Doc! I’m here. I’m here,” he said, brushing his palm gently over her face. Their eyes met again, and he whispered, “I’m here. I’ve been here, watching you the whole time. I would never leave you…”

Abe stepped forward, checking Stefano’s body for a pulse, “John…Stefano’s dead.”

Looking up, a glint of fierceness that Abe hadn’t seen in years lit John’s eyes, and he said in raspy voice, “Good. It’s fitting that he should die at the end of my gun…since he trained me himself.”

Shane approached, “John? Is Marlena injured?”

“Doc, Baby?” John asked her softly, “Are you hurt?”

She couldn’t stop crying, so she shook her head, continuing to cling to him as if he were the tether holding her to sanity. The feel of his hands in her hair, and roaming over her face, only made her grip him more desperately. Marlena finally gasped, “I thought you were dead! I thought I would never see you again.”

“I’m here, honey. I’m here,” John said softly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I’m not letting you go. Okay? I’ve got you.”

Rene crouched down beside John, and murmured softly, “There will need to be an investigation. We were present, and we saw what happened, but it is strictly procedure.”

“I understand,” John said quietly, continuing to stroke his palm over Marlena’s hair. Her face was buried in his neck, and her tears were running over his skin, into the neckline of his shirt. An investigation was to be expected, no matter how it happened, but John couldn’t say he wasn’t relieved to know that the bane that was Stefano DiMera was gone from the Earth. “Rene, we can give our statements tomorrow, but I don’t think Marlena is—”

“—Certainly. Certainly,” Rene said. Turning to another officer he said, “Fetch the car.” He glanced at John again, with sadness, “You can take her to the hotel, and we can discuss taking your statements tomorrow.”

After Rene walked away, John whispered, “Marlena? It’s over. I’m going to take you to the hotel. Okay?”

Her eyes pleaded as she asked him, “You won’t leave me?”

“I won’t. I promise. I got a suite, so you’ll be with me,” he told her, lifting her to her feet. “I won’t leave you.”

Her tear filled eyes stared up at him, and she whispered the first words that came to her mind, “I love you.”

John fingers stroked softly over her jaw, and he whispered, “I love you too, Baby.”

“John,” Shane said, tapping him on the shoulder. “The car is ready. I’ve worked it out with Rene, that you and Marlena can give your statements at the station tomorrow afternoon, that way you can use the morning to rest.”

“Thank you, Shane. Thank you so much for everything,” John replied, reaching for Marlena’s hand, “Come on, Doc. Let’s go.”

In a daze she followed him to the car, and for the duration of the ride to the hotel she curled into him, clenching her fingers in the fabric of his tuxedo jacket. John kept his arm around her tightly, and settled his open palm along her hip. “You know…I watched you every day. I was there when Stefano told you I was dead,” he told her softly, “and I—I saw him break your arm.”

Marlena wiped tears from her face again, thinking about what she’d planned to do that night, “I was planning to—to—”

“I know,” he told her. “I was with you last night, too, Baby. I know.”

“I want to see the children.”

John kissed the top of her head gently, “We can’t go home right away. I killed someone tonight, and there has to be an investigation. It’s going to be at least a week.”

“Are they okay?”

“Sami agreed to stay at the house with Belle, even after you were taken. She’s still there,” he said. 

Marlena was surprised, “Really?”

“Sami and I…when Stefano took you, we became this amazing team, Doc. Our daughter is incredibly bright,” he told her with pride in his voice. “She and Lucas are the ones who confirmed you were in Paris. If it weren’t for Sami’s help, I may not have found you.”

“That makes me so happy. I worried about her. She’s healing, but she’s still so fragile.”

“I made the same pact with her, that I made with Carrie. Every step of the search process…I discussed it with her. I didn’t keep anything from her, Doc. By the time I left Salem to come to Paris and search for you, she was calling me Dad again.”

“How’s Belle?”

John wasn’t sure how to tell Marlena what he’d learned about Belle. The car pulled up to the hotel, and John helped Marlena from the car. Linking his fingers through hers, he led her towards the entrance and into the elevator. “We need to talk about Belle,” he said softly, looking at her as the elevator doors closed. Her eyes were swollen and puffy, with her make-up smeared. Her dress was ruined, and her hair was in disarray. She was going to need to clean up, and John didn’t have clothing of any sort for her. Marlena’s eyes widened, and John rushed to say, “it’s nothing bad.” He touched her face softly, “In fact, it made me…it made me—”

The elevator doors opened on the top floor, and they stepped out. Marlena glanced around, “There’s no other rooms up here?”

“No, it’s the presidential suite. It’s the size of an apartment. You’ll have your own room, and bathroom, but I’ll still be…nearby if you need me,” he told her gently, leading her forward. Opening the door, he said, “I can run you a bubble bath, if you’d like.”

Marlena sighed softly, “That would be nice.”

Leading her into what would be her bedroom, John said, “Sami told me that Belle was my daughter.”

Marlena’s eyes went wide, “What?”

“She said that when you were pregnant, she knew about the blood test, and she went into the hospital computer and changed the results.”

“Why?” Marlena asked him. “Why would she do that?”

“It’s complicated,” he said, brushing her loose blonde hair back over her shoulders. “We thought her anger came from our affair…and it did, in part, but most of it came from what she perceived to be my abandonment of her and Eric.”

“She told you that?”

“She did,” John said softly. “She’s opened up so much, Doc. She’s—”

“—is it true? Is Belle your daughter?” Marlena wanted so badly for Belle to be his daughter.

John’s smile widened, “Yeah. Yeah, she’s mine.”

Marlena started to cry again, “She’s your baby?”

“No,” he whispered, grazing his fingertips over her wet cheeks. “She’s our baby, Doc.”

Chapter 15

I’m dependin’ on you to teach me

All the things I forgot I ever knew

Baby, you can lean on me

I may lean a little too

Whatever gets us through

Nobody’s Child – Maria McKee

Marlena didn’t have any clothing. The Paris police and ISA agents were scouring the catacombs near where John had caught up with Stefano and Marlena, but the only clothing she’d had there, were clothes selected by Stefano. She wanted nothing to do with those. She fell onto a nearby couch, with a sigh, and attempted to get the boots off of her feet. Her hands hurt from falling in the alley, and she found herself fumbling with the small buttons trailing up her ankles. 

John sat on the coffee table across from her, and lifted her foot into his lap, “Let me do that, Doc.”

“This corset is so tight, I can barely breathe,” she said. “I’m surprised I was able to run as far as I did, and I know I have blisters on my heels.”

John slid the first boot off of her foot, and his fingers trailed lightly over the delicate, pale pink silk of her stockings. John pinched her big toe teasingly, before placing her foot on the carpet. He lifted her other one, and began to unfasten the intricate buttons, “How did you get them on in the first place?”

“Stefano had people come,” she said quietly. “They did everything. I just stood there. My job was to look pretty.”

John stopped what he was doing and looked at her sadly, “I’m sorry, Doc. I’m sorry that it took me so long to get to you. I’m sorry that you were subjected to his psychological torture and his physical abuse.” He finished with her second boot, placing it beside the other on the table beside him, but he continued to hold her foot in his hands. Stroking over the soft pink silk of her stocking, he whispered, “I watched you every day, sometimes for hours, and I felt so helpless.”

“Stefano was so diabolical,” she whispered, leaning against the back of the couch with a soft sigh. His hands on her foot felt amazing, and she wanted to enjoy it for a moment. She wanted to enjoy his attention. “I don’t know how he got me, but I know I was drugged again. The same drug that was used the last time he attempted to take me.”

John’s hands worked the muscles around her ankle, molding and smoothing over the achy flesh, “How do you know it was the same drug?”

Marlena was quiet, watching his hands push her voluminous skirt up her leg, and then glide up her calf muscle. Her core clenched, and she could feel moisture drip from her. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, but she refused to acknowledge the way his hands were making her body feel. “That particular drug…makes me have odd dreams, and say things…I might not normally say. I think Stefano used it to make me more malleable.”

“Malleable?”

“I was imagining you,” she said softly, looking at her hands in her lap. “I was dreaming of…you. At one point I woke, and he was…” Marlena stopped speaking, feeling a sob in her throat. She couldn’t allow herself to start crying again. 

John didn’t want to draw attention to her vulnerability, when it was so obvious that she wanted to move past it. He knew that eventually it would all come crashing down, probably in the middle of the night, when the nightmares, he knew she would have, came to her. Placing her foot on the floor, he picked up her other one and began the same process, massaging her skin through the silk stocking that clung to her long leg.

“I woke up, and he was laying behind me…I could feel…I could feel him against me, he was…aroused, and touching me…but I’d been imagining you, and I was so confused.”

John kneaded the muscle of her calf, allowing his fingers to move behind her knee, “I would watch you with the goggles, and I wanted to kill him so badly. I can’t remember another time when I actively fantasized about murder, but when he broke your arm…when he left you crying on that stone floor, I swore he would die.”

Marlena said nothing in response. What was there to say to that? Stefano was gone, and she was grateful. Her head fell back against the couch. She was so tired, exhausted really, and his hands felt so good on her. 

When Marlena’s head fell back, her breasts were pushed higher, causing them to almost spill from her dress. John’s fingers tightened on her leg. Her eyes were closed, and he could openly study her. Blonde hair spilled over her shoulders in waves. He felt his cock twitch in his pants. He was so fixed on her that he didn’t realize his hands had trailed higher until he felt the lace and ribbons at the top of her stockings. Marlena’s head rolled to the side, and her deep hazel eyes opened, watching him carefully. John’s hand dropped away from her suddenly, and he cleared his throat, “Let’s find you something to wear, and I’ll go run the bath for you.”

Standing up, he held his hand out to her, gripping the tips of her fingers and pulling her to her feet. Marlena looked up, slightly dazed, and John was again struck by her beauty. She wasn’t even aware of what she did to him…or maybe she was. Touching her face softly, “I’m so happy to have you back. Sami’s going to be ecstatic when I call her.” Marlena continued to stare into his eyes, and he whispered, “I would be lost without you.”

Her hands cupped his face, “I would be lost without you…I was lost without you.”

John looked away from her quickly, afraid if he continued to stare into those eyes, he would strip her naked where they stood, and bury himself in her, on the couch. “Come on, Doc,” he said. “I think I have a sweatshirt you can sleep in.”

Marlena followed him into the bedroom at the rear of the suite. The bed was a messy array of blankets and pillows, and John mumbled, “I haven’t been sleeping well.” Stepping towards the dresser, he rummaged through his clothing, and pulled out an extra large sweatshirt. He stepped closer to Marlena, brushing her hair back from her shoulder, and told her gently, “I didn’t think to bring any of your clothes. I left so suddenly…”

“That’s fine,” Marlena said softly, reaching for the sweatshirt he was handing her. “I’m sure the concierge can send me some things, if I give them my sizes.”

John noticed Marlena’s wince when her fingers closed around the fabric. He came closer to her, and lifted her hand to inspect it, “Doc? When did this happen to your hands?”

“When I fell in the alley, after you…shot Stefano…I must have scraped them. They’ll be fine, I just need to clean them up a little.”

John continued to examine her palms, noting that some of the scrapes and cuts were still seeping blood. His fingers touched her so softly, she shivered. “C’mon then,” he told her gently. “Let’s go run you a bath. I need to call Sami and Kristen.”

Marlena’s heart broke a little bit, hearing John mention Kristen. She had almost forgotten he was married, and had a baby on the way. Then she remembered that Stefano was Kristen’s father, and she gasped, “Oh! John!” Looking up at him with sadness in her eyes, she whispered, “You killed Stefano. How are you going to tell Kristen?”

He sighed, “I’m not sure yet, Doc. But it can’t wait. I have to tell her tonight, and it’s going to break her heart. As evil as that man was, he raised her, and she loved him.” He took a deep breath, “Come on, let’s run your bath.” He didn’t want to lay all of his fears on Marlena. His fear that Kristen might blame him, or Marlena, for Stefano’s death, when ultimately it had been Stefano’s own fault. He didn’t want the stress of this knowledge to complicate her already fragile pregnancy.

In the large bathroom, Marlena stopped short. It felt so intimate being in this space with John. It made her imagine soaking in that large porcelain tub with him, feeling the wall of his chest against her back, and the slippery feel of her legs against his. How many times had they bathed together when they were married? She turned to John, telling him softly, “I can do this myself. You don’t need to be in here.”

“How are you going to get yourself out of that costume alone?” he asked her with a smirk.

Marlena considered the costume she had on, and the difficulty she’d had getting into it, even with two maids, and a button hook to help her. She looked away with a blush. Imagining John’s fingers working each of the individual buttons free, to help her out of this 18th century style dress, caused a ripple of arousal to run through her.

John saw the change in her eyes, the small shiver that she tried to hide, and he turned away from her, turning on the water and adjusting the temperature. “I don’t have any bubble bath or bath salts,” he murmured. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she replied softly.

John looked at her. She was so sad, and trying to hide it. So soft-spoken and reserved. “Let’s get you out of that dress,” he whispered, even as his quiet voice echoed off of the marble tile on the floor. 

Marlena turned, presenting her back to him, and she heard the rustle of fabric when he stepped closer. The whisper of his fingers along her shoulder blades had her involuntarily shivering again from his simple touch.

John tried not to think about how warm her skin was against his knuckles. He tried not to think about how her scent brought so many memories of them together to the forefront of his mind. He tried not to notice how her body shook, when the pads of his fingers brushed against her. After nearly five minutes of fumbling, John had managed to unfasten only ten buttons, and there were almost one hundred more leading down to her lower back. Leaning over, he turned off the water in the bathtub, and he asked her, “Doc? How attached are you to this costume? You don’t have any great sentimental love for it, do you?”

“No,” was all she replied, feeling his body heat along her back again. She had to force herself not to sigh. Having him close was driving her mad, because she wanted him to hold her. She wanted him to touch her, and kiss her, and love her. Those were wants…not needs, but, oh, how she wanted them. She clenched her thighs together to ease the growing ache within her, and felt that her panties were soaked through with her arousal.

“I can’t keep fumbling with these buttons, Baby. We’ll be here for hours,” he told her. “I’m going to rip the back open, okay. Then we can get rid of this monstrosity, and never look at it again.”

Marlena gasped softly. He was going to tear the back of her dress open? Marlena felt her breathing pick up, and her mind flashed back to their night on the plane. John’s face carrying a look of painful arousal and desire, as he took her coat lapels in his hands, and tore it from her shoulders. Her frenzied cry of want when her body was jerked forward from the force of his actions. Marlena could barely speak, she was so aroused, “Okay…”

John watched her for a moment. His cock was already half-hard watching her react to his words. Her respiration was elevated, and her voice was rough. He knew her tells, and his own body would always react to those. He needed to get her out of this contraption, and remove himself from the bathroom as soon as possible. Clenching his fingers in the topmost part of the brocaded fabric, John ripped open the back of her dress. Marlena gasped, and the sound of decorative buttons hitting the marble tile, ricocheted around the large room. His voice was rough with desire when he said, “That’s better. Step out of the dress, Doc.”

Marlena stepped out of the dress, using one of her feet to kick it to the side. She stood with her back still facing him. Her body shivered again. John stared at her, every curve and every angle a feast for his eyes. Her legs were covered in soft pink stockings that came up her thighs. They were fastened in place with garter straps and small pink bows, which were attached to a matching lace edged corset. Her barely there pink satin panties would be the end of him, fastened at her hips with satin ribbon, the tails hanging over the curve of her thighs. 

Marlena’s small hands reached down, unfastening the clips holding her stockings aloft. John said nothing. He didn’t move. He couldn’t move. His cock throbbed in his pants. He was so silent, for so long, that Marlena glanced over her shoulder, “John? I’m going to need help with the corset…” She could barely breathe, she wanted him so badly. Even if they didn’t make love, even though they couldn’t make love, it didn’t change the fact that she wanted him standing closer to her. She wanted him undressing her, “I need you to unlace the back, so I can undo the fastenings in the front.”

Still, John stood there for a moment longer. He admired her long, smooth legs, aching to run his palm over her hip, and pull at the ribbons holding her panties in place. Clearing his throat he said roughly, “Yeah…yeah…”

Stepping closer, his fingers shakily reached for the string dangling at her lower back, untying it, and roughly pulling at it to loosen the garment. He was mesmerized by her. His cock was ached painfully for want of her, and he could imagine how easy it would be to kiss the spot where her shoulder met her neck, or grind his hips into her ass, just to relieve some pressure.

Marlena held the front of the corset up, so her breasts didn’t spill free, and she whispered, “That’s good. I can—I can do the rest.”

She looked amazing. Beautiful. Ethereal. As much as he hated Stefano DiMera, John couldn’t deny his physical reaction to Marlena in that particular set of undergarments. She was the sexiest fucking angel he had ever seen, and he had to get out of that bathroom. Stepping away from her, he groaned, “I’m going to go call Sami…and Kristen.”

Marlena turned to face him, “Can you leave the door ajar?”

He swallowed, his eyes dropping down to her panties. The fabric between her legs was dark with her arousal, and John clenched his fists at his side, forcing himself to ask roughly,  “You want the door open?”

“I’m still…I’m still scared. I’m afraid to be alone,” she whispered, looking away from him, and refusing to meet his eyes. He’d noticed her panties were wet, and it was driving him mad. As much as she knew she shouldn’t want his eyes on her body, she did. She craved it, because if she couldn’t have him, she could at least have the knowledge that he wanted her.

John stepped closer, tipping her face up to his, “I’ll leave the door cracked. If you need me, call for me, but I promise, Doc. I’m not leaving.”

“Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”

Chapter 16

Now my sense of humor needs a break

I see a shadow in the mirror

And she’s laughin’ through her tears

One more smile’s all I can fake…

Am I the Only One – Maria McKee

Sami sighed as she headed down the hallway toward Kristen’s bedroom. Her mother was safe, just as John had promised her, and he’d told her about Belle’s paternity. She felt like she needed them home now more than ever. Sami needed to talk to her Mom. One of those long heart to heart talks, where she apologized for what she’d done, and her mother hugged her tightly reassuring her that she still loved her, no matter what. 

The other reason was Kristen. Sami had no idea how to deal with that. Kristen had been crying in her bedroom ever since she’d gotten off the phone with John. Finding out that your husband killed your father in order to save the life of his ex-wife was very upsetting. Sami couldn’t be bothered to find sadness in her heart over the loss of Stefano DiMera, and didn’t really understand Kristen’s love for him, but John had asked her to check on the woman. 

Which, was how she found herself, knocking softly on Kristen’s door, “Kristen? Do you need anything? There’s still some dinner left.” Sami felt only slightly guilty about dinner. She’d been randomly sabotaging it for weeks, telling the cook that Kristen was craving things like cheese pizza, hot dogs, spaghettio’s, and pancakes. Tonights dinner had been corn dogs and French fries. Kristen never said anything, she just stared at the food in disgust, and then shot daggers at Sami with her eyes, while she pasted on a smile. 

Sami couldn’t pinpoint why she was being such a bitch. Kristen gave her feelings she couldn’t explain. Kristen was fake, and Sami couldn’t stand fake people. She supposed now that Stefano was dead, she’d have to lay off for awhile.

Kristen lifted her tear stained face from her pillow, and stared at her closed bedroom door. Laying her head back down, she yelled, “Go away!”

Sami sighed again, and replied, “Dad wanted me to check on you—”

“—I said, go away!” she screamed. 

Sami backed away from the door with her hands in front of herself, and said softly, “Okay. Okay. You want to be left alone. I get that. I’ll leave you alone.”

A sharp pain tore through Kristen’s abdomen, and she curled into a tighter ball. She was loosing the baby. She knew she was. There was nothing she could do. If she lost the baby, she’d loose John too. It was only a matter of time. Now her father was dead. It was Marlena’s fault. It was Belle’s fault. It was Sami’s fault. And she hated them all. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marlena dressed after her bath, and had no choice but to put the ridiculous pink panties back on. It was that, or she had nothing, and the sweatshirt barely covered her backside. As she was walking from her bathroom towards John’s room, she could feel the brush of the ribbons on her thighs. Approaching John bedroom, she could hear the sound of the running shower. She knocked on his bathroom door, getting no response, so pushing it open slightly, she said, “John?” 

She opened the door wider, and was overwhelmed with the echo of water off of marble, and the billow of steam. When her eyes adjusted to the dim light, and she saw him, she was mesmerized. John leaned against the back wall of the shower, his head hanging low, as he placed his weight on one hand. His other hand, she couldn’t see, but she knew what he was doing. She could see the slow glide and pull of his arm, and she found herself wishing it was her hand. 

Marlena stepped into the bathroom. Being afraid to be alone for any real length of time, the sight of John, in any form, was a comfort to her frazzled nerves. She pulled herself onto the the bathroom counter, settling into the corner, and rested her head on the wall. Wrapping her arms around her knees, and she watched him. Keeping her eyes fixed on him brought her a sense of calm, while she also acknowledged that she was a bit of a voyeur. The way his muscles pulled and flexed, and the way the water ran over his skin…she couldn’t move, so she settled in. 

John groaned, feeling the heated water beat against his skin. All he could think of was Marlena in that corset, lace, ribbons…silk stockings. He wanted to be the one taking it off of her. He wanted to be the one kissing her soft fragrant flesh, but he couldn’t. She was vulnerable. She was weak…hell, he was weak. He knew it. He’d run from the bathroom earlier, because he knew he was seconds away from touching her. He was seconds away from kissing her, and the look in her eyes said, she wouldn’t stop him. They’d been down this road before. Victor’s airplane. The conference room at Titan Publishing. The hot springs. 

He groaned again thinking of the hot springs. Remembering Marlena’s breasts pressed against his chest, and her long legs tangling with his in the heated water, feeling the heat of her core with his cock resting against it. John moaned again, “Doc,” while his hand continued to pump over his dick in long slow strokes.

Marlena smiled to herself. He wanted her, and she found that comforting. Reassuring. He was going to climax in the shower thinking of her, imagining her, and that was something that made her happy. She continued to stare at him, watching the clench of his muscles, and the way the water rolled down the crevice of his ass. He had an amazing ass. She wanted to bite it, and lick it. She wanted to suck his cock into her mouth, and devour him. His hands on her body used to be the reassurance she needed that there was someone in the world who loved her. Someone who was kind, gentle, caring, and strong. Someone who would protect her. He was still all of those things, but he was no longer hers. It was getting harder and harder to tell herself that she couldn’t have him.

John was close. He could feel the pressure building in his lower back, and his strokes along his cock became shorter, jerkier. He groaned, low in his his throat, “Fuck…awww, yes…” Switching to his right hand, he adjusted his body so he supported himself with his left hand, and he jerked quickly, the slippery glide of his fist making his balls pull up tight against his body. Catching something in the corner of his eye, he turned. Their eyes met. Marlena sat, curled in the corner of the bathroom vanity, watching him. John rasped out, “Doc…”

She was gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous. Her long legs pulled up in front of her, wearing his sweatshirt. The way her hazel eyes were wide, and silently studying him. John’s hand stopped moving, but Marlena begged, “Don’t stop.”

His gut clenched even tighter, his voice rasped out, “Doc…”

“Don’t stop…” she pleaded. Her body shifted on the marble, and she sat up with wide eyes, “I want…I want to watch you…”

John couldn’t stop if he’d wanted to. His fist resumed its motion along the length of his cock, as his eyes roamed her body. He squeezed his length even tighter, pulling harder, and studied every detail of the woman across the room. 

Marlena’s hair curled around her face, and hung in waves over her shoulders. His sweatshirt, fuck, his sweatshirt on her body would drive him insane. His eyes swept over her hips, and then he saw it. A peek of pink satin ribbon resting along her hip, “G-d, Doc…you’re wearing…” He couldn’t get the words out.

She didn’t know why she did it. Maybe, it was to tease him. Maybe, she knew it would make him explode. Maybe, she wanted to push him to admit out loud that he wanted her, the way she wanted him. It was wrong. Wrong of her to tempt him, and attempt to seduce him. She didn’t know who she was anymore. During her time with Stefano, she spent so much of her time alone, dreaming of what she wanted, and dreaming of what she couldn’t have. What she wanted was John. Not for one night, but for a lifetime. She still rested against the wall, but she make a conscious decision to tip her legs sideways, and inadvertently pull the sweatshirt up to expose the rounded curve of her ass.

John’s cock jerked in his palm. Marlena was a seductress. He watched her lay her legs to the side, and slowly pull the sweatshirt up over her rounded hips. Pink fabric barely covered her rounded backside, and his eyes were transfixed on the ribbon. That ribbon. One tug, one pull, and those panties would fall from her body. Her face still rested against the wall, and her eyes were still transfixed, watching John’s slow pull along his dick. Arousal seeped from her core, and she looked up at John, their eyes locking, and she whined. She fucking whined, and John was gone in a haze of bliss. He came so hard, his head rolled back, and everything went black for a moment, “Fuck! Oh, G-d! Doc!”

Marlena’s body was on fire. Her pussy was throbbing, causing a deep ache that radiated along her back. She wanted to strip where she stood and beg him to make love to her. Instead, she scrambled from her perch, and franticly fled the bathroom. She could feel the hot tears streaming down her face. Her emotions a swirling eddy of discontent. Every painful event in her life was bombarding her with with sadness and despair. 

She was never one to wallow in her own misfortune, but she couldn’t help but think that her time with Stefano had possibly done so much damage, she couldn’t fake it anymore. She couldn’t continue to paste smiles on her face, and tell everyone around her that she was fine, when her soul was screaming that she was anything but fine. She was lost, and she might never find her way back.

Locking the door to her bedroom, she slid to the carpet, breathing heavily, while trying to regain her equilibrium. “Pull it together, Marlena,” she whispered in gasps. “Pull it together. Control. You have control. You. Have. Control.” 

But she didn’t. Not really. What she had was a shaky sense of being precariously balanced on a narrow emotional ledge. What she needed was John. John’s hands on her body, his strength grounding her to reality, his love, his kindness…and his passion. None of that was hers, and she berated herself everyday for wanting it. Even when Stefano had her, and she’d thought John was dead, she’d craved him like a drug. It was more than wanting him. So much more. It was as if he was the other half of her, and without him she was adrift in a sea of confusion and hurt.

Her professional self scoffed at her. She should know well enough that basing her self-worth and her sanity on one person was unhealthy, and likely wouldn’t end well, but she didn’t care. She was beyond caring, she was desperate, and a desperate Marlena Evans was reckless. Pulling her sweatshirt over her head, she tossed it to the side. The ache inside her was pulling her down, and she pinched her nipples roughly, enjoying the twinge of pain that came with it. Her fingers fumbled as they pulled the ribbons at her hips loose, allowing the panties to fall away from her, and her hand found that part of her that ached so much it hurt. Pleasure buried her. Her head fell back against the door to her bedroom with a thud, and she whimpered. 

John stood outside Marlena’s bedroom with his sweatpants slung low on his hips, and water from his wet hair trailing down in bare back. He knocked softly, and got no response. He looked down, trying the doorknob, but it was locked. She was right there. He could hear her. The edge of a pink ribbon had made its way under the door. John sank to the floor against the wood, and he whispered, “Doc?”

His voice pulled at her, raising her arousal to heights unknown. The rough timbre of his voice was a call she fought to ignore. Her fingers flicked and pulled at her clit roughly, and she murmured on a soft gasp, “Go away.”

“Baby,” he said roughly. “Talk to me. Please.”

Marlena pulled at her nipple, panting quietly. She was close, she was so close. Pulling her knees up, she spread her legs wider, as a soft whine escaped her.

John heard her. He knew that sound. That high pitched gasp, followed by a low whine. He knew what she was doing. He could imagine her leaning against the door with her legs spread as her fingers played over her clit roughly. He felt the pull of desire, low in his belly, “Doc?”

“Oh, G-d,” she whispered, rubbing the pads of her fingers over her slippery folds. “Go away…oh! Go away!”

He couldn’t walk away. He was glued to the spot, knowing that she was just on the other side. Knowing what she was doing. He asked her in a choked voice, “Doc, are you…”

As soon as he asked her, his voice trailing off with words unspoken, Marlena fell over the precipice. Her orgasm rolled over her with force, and she gasped, “Oh, G-d! Oh, G-d! Oh…G-d!”

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there listening to her fractured breathing, as she came down from the orgasmic high she was riding. There was no way they could live this close to each other for a week, feeling desire this strong, and ignore it. He’d be lying to himself, if he said he could. If he could get her door open, he would be in there already.

Marlena wiped her hand on the sweatshirt she’d discarded, and turned her face towards the door, “Go to bed, John. I’m fine.”

“Doc…”

“John,” she said softly. “I’m fine. Go to bed.”

It was after 2:00 am. John slowly got to his feet, and placed his palm on the door, “Goodnight, Doc.”

Marlena could feel his presence hovering on the other side of the door, and she said, “Good night, John.”

She sat, unmoving for a long time after he’d left her. Getting to her feet she looked at the sweatshirt on the floor, and noticed that the panties were missing. Marlena smiled to herself. John had taken them. She debated leaving the door locked when she went to sleep that night. She knew she should leave the door locked. Picking the sweatshirt up from the floor, she pulled it back over her head, and flipped the lock on her door. Opening it a mere two inches, she slid into her bed, and fell asleep.

In his room, John heard her unlock her door. He rolled onto his side, falling asleep with a pair of pink satin panties crumpled up in his fist.

Chapter 17

So take a look in my eyes

No, you can’t hide the truth

No, you don’t get by on pride

‘Cause it’ll run you over

Never Be You – Maria McKee

John was out the following morning when Marlena awoke. She thought it may have been the best thing for her, allowing herself to get her feet back on the ground, and reaffirm her commitment to respect his marriage vows to Kristen. She’d been weak the night before, weak and vulnerable. Her rescue from Stefano had been quite an emotional, scary, and overwhelming moment. She couldn’t expect John to comfort her the way her body craved…because he was married to Kristen.

On the coffee table was a note, explaining that he was meeting with Abe, Shane, and Rene, to give his statement about the events of the evening before. He would be sending a car to pick Marlena up at 1:00, so she could give hers. She’d need to figure out the clothing situation before then. 

The telephone rang next to the couch, and Marlena answered it timidly, “Hello?”

“Dr. Evans? This is Amelie at concierge. Mr. Black informed us that he had made an appointment with Le Bon Marché to arrange a wardrobe for you,” the concierge said. “They have arrived. Should I send them up?”

Marlena smiled softly, a small jolt of emotion causing her belly to swoop, “Yes. Yes, you can send them up. Thank you.”

After disconnecting the call, Marlena sighed. How was she supposed to hold back from her desires, when she loved him so much? When he did the most sensitive caring things? When he took care of her, like he loved her? How could she continue to hold back, from her desires, when she’d spent all night tossing and turning…wanting him?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena slid into the car wearing a pair of form fitting black slacks with pinstripes, a pale pink, white floral blouse made of gauzy fabric, and a pink jacket made of the softest leather she had ever touched. As soon as the two representatives from Le Bon Marché arrived in her room, she’d realized that John must have contacted the most high end clothiers in the entirety of Paris. They had been informed by Mr. Black that money was no object, and they’d brought with them three separate racks of clothing, as well as numerous boxes of undergarments and sleep ware in boxes, all in her sizes. 

Within less than two hours she had seven complete outfits to last for the week, as well as satin and lace undergarments that felt like butter in her hands, two satin pajama sets, and a nightgown, with matching robes, and one small box containing a perfume she wore when she and John were married. 

Marlena’s stomach had fluttered again, that John had considered that small detail. It played with her mind, and added to the constant push and pull within her. He wanted her. She wanted him…and he was married. Although, Marlena and John both knew that when at their height of desire, it hadn’t stopped them before. Belle was physical proof of that.

John had forgotten to consider makeup, or hair products aside from the shampoo and conditioner she already had. Or had he forgotten? Was he intentionally doing this, or was it subconscious? Marlena knew better than anyone what turned John on, and her in her natural state, had always been his thing. She was slightly self conscious going out in public without even a touch a lipgloss, but when she’d glanced over herself before leaving the hotel, she’d felt amazing, and attractive. Unable to blow dry her hair, it hung in natural curls, framing her face, waving around her shoulders. Her cheeks were bright, and her skin was soft and clean. 

Arriving at the police station, Marlena exited the car and entered the building, heading straight towards the service desk, “Hello. I’m here to meet with Officer Rene DuBois?”

“I will inform him that you have arrived,” the desk officer informed her. “You may wait over there,” they said gesturing towards a wall lined with black leather covered chairs.

“Thank you,” Marlena said softly. She was barely there for three minutes when she smelled John’s cologne.

John’s heart stuttered when she turned to face him with a bright smile. Fuck, she was gorgeous. It wasn’t just physical. She shone with a light that drew him to her like a moth to the flame. When he should be running in the opposite direction, he imagined taking her to dinner and holding her hand, while walking along the Seine. Her honey blonde curls fell around her face, and over her shoulders. John wanted to bury his face in those waves, and inhale the perfume he knew she was wearing. He hadn’t smelled it in years. When she’d returned to Salem, she had started using a different scent, because she was unable to find the one she’d previously used. It was a French scent full of floral overtones laden over a soft musk. It drove him mad. 

He must be a glutton for punishment. John had been making the appointment with Le Bon Marché, and just before disconnecting the call he had asked if they carried, La Colle Noire. They did, and he’d added it to the order. He hadn’t encountered the scent since their last night together in 1986, but the impulse to ask for it, the impulse to get it for her, was too strong.

John drew closer, reaching for her hand, and she watched him inhale. Marlena nearly melted on the spot when he leaned close to her ear, and whispered gruffly, “You smell fucking amazing.”

Marlena felt a rush of heat, and knew that her cheeks were bright with her blush. Looking up at him softly, there was no denying her feelings for him. Marlena whispered, “Thank you.”

With his fingers laced through hers, John led Marlena through a set of double doors and down a long hallway, “I really like the clothes.”

“They are beautiful. I wanted to thank you for them,” Marlena said quietly. “You didn’t have to select a store that was so expensive.” They stopped outside of an office that was darkened wood, and frosted glass with the name Rene DuBois on it. 

“Doc,” he said, tipping her chin up to look at him. “I’ve got billions. I wanted you to feel elegant, beautiful…and cared for.”

She couldn’t look away from him. Those indigo blue eyes pulled her in, and the warmth of his body made her want to lace her fingers into his hair and pull his mouth down to hers. She said, “I do. I feel all of those things.”

“Do you have enough?” he whispered. 

“I might need some make-up…”

John smirked at her, leaning closer, “I might like to keep you like this.”

Her blush, which had gone away, returned with force, “I’d wondered.”

“C’mon, Doc,” he said. “Let’s go get this over with.”

They entered Rene’s office, hand in hand, and Shane and Abe exchanged a worried glance. John had been frantic over the last two weeks while they’d searched for Marlena. On several occasions, Abe had to forcefully restrain him as panic over losing her started to take hold of John. He was obviously in love with her. He always had been, and Abe thought after their affair, they would have finally realized that they needed the other to survive. That wasn’t how things had gone. Roman and Marlena had decided that because of Belle, they would try to salvage their marriage. Roman barely lasted a year before abandoning them and going on a deep cover assignment with the ISA, and by then John had moved on with Kristen.

Abe had never been certain about Kristen. She was perfect. Perhaps too perfect, in his mind. And he couldn’t completely disregard the fact that she was raised by Stefano DiMera. Marlena’s kidnapping had been perfect as well. Too perfect. Abe had his suspicions about how easily Marlena was taken from John and Kristen’s home, although he had never voiced those aloud to anyone. Not even his wife.

When John had informed Abe that Belle was his daughter, after they first arrived in Paris, Abe knew that it would pull John closer to Marlena. A child shared by the both of them was a bond that would never be broken. Abe feared another affair, and the people that might be hurt by it. He’d tried to tell himself that John and Marlena had learned from their last affair. He tried to convince himself that they wouldn’t risk hurting the people closest to them by repeating that mistake. As he watched John pull the chair out for Marlena, and then gently brush her hair back from her shoulder, he wasn’t so sure. Abe knew it was only a matter of time before they succumbed…if they hadn’t done so already.

Marlena sat quietly, waiting for Rene to set up the recording equipment, and everyone to take their seats. She took a deep breath, and she started, “I woke up once on the flight to Paris. I telephoned John. I know that, although I have only the vaguest recollection of the call itself. I know that Stefano was very angry, and he gave me another injection almost immediately after taking the cellular phone away from me. I believe he used the same medication to drug me that had been used in my first kidnapping attempt. Mike Horton had run blood tests at the time, and determined that the drug in my system was gamma hydroxybutyric acid.”

Rene leaned forward, concern etching his features, “What makes you believe he used the same drug?”

Marlena looked down at her hands, realizing that she held them in tightly clenched fists, she glanced at John, and she said, “The dreams were the same. The symptoms…I hallucinated that John was with me, even when he wasn’t. Stefano used that to…” She stopped speaking for a moment, and then wiped at her eyes quickly. “He, um, he used my dreams, what I thought was happening…he used it to attempt to rape me. I remember finally waking, and realizing that it wasn’t…” She looked down again, and whispered, “It wasn’t John touching me. It was Stefano. My clothing had been removed , and he was in the bed with me…naked, and aroused.”

John was in complete shock, “Doc! Why didn’t you tell me? Last night?”

She didn’t respond to John’s question. She could barely say out loud what had been replaying in her mind for the last two months. “I was raped years ago, and when I started coming out of the effects of the drugs, I began to shriek, and scream, scratching at Stefano’s face. I was wild. Fierce. I fought him, and he was enraged. That was the first time he hurt me physically. He smacked me, called me names, said I was a tease…” John’s arm went around her body, pulling her close, and Marlena sank into the comfort he provided for a moment. She allowed herself the reassurance and safety of his arms. Finally she sat up again and whispered, staring at her hands again, “But I know…I was drugged. If I gave him any indication of acquiescence it was because—because, I thought he was someone else.”

John sat there quietly, seething inside. Stefano was going to rape her, while she imagined that it was him. John reached for her hand, leaning towards her and whispered, “Are you okay to continue?”

She nodded her head, wiping her tears, “Yes. I want to get this over with.”

“Marlena,” Shane said. “I need to ask about the goggles. Stefano allowed you to utilize a pair on one occasion to see Belle. Am I correct?”

“Yes, but he knew that John had the other pair. The case on the pair in the catacombs had a light which would flash when the second pair was in use. That’s how Stefano knew John was watching, although I didn’t know that at the time. John told me last night. I saw the light, but I didn’t know why it would randomly flash. Then Stefano informed me that he’d killed John…that was when I started to plan—” 

She looked at John, and he said, “It’s okay, Doc. You can tell them.”

“I was so lost, thinking that I would never see my children again. Knowing that Stefano had killed John…I had been hiding the sleeping pills I was given every night in my cheek, and when the staff left the room, I would take the pills out of my mouth and hide them. Last night, my plan was to take my own life. I felt as if I had nothing left,” she said. “If John hadn’t caught up with us in that alley. I would be dead.”

Abe’s heart was breaking, “Marlena…”

She smiled at her best friend, “I’m here. John found me.” Abe watched her turn her face towards John, and she whispered, “You found me.”

“Would you like to take a break before we continue with the questioning? Or would you like to continue?” Rene asked her.

“Could I have some water?” she asked.

Rene stood up, thinking that she was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen, but there was something else. Something about her that would draw any man to her. Marlena Evans, however, only had eyes for one man. “I’ll be right back,” he said.

Abe sat at the other end of the table, watching John whisper to Marlena, and watching her whisper back. There was no denying the draw they had towards each other. There would be no stopping whatever was going to happen between them, and Abe wasn’t sure it should be stopped. How did you stop fate?

Marlena sat there quietly, and stared at her fingers laced through John’s. He leaned close to her, turning her face to look at him, “I wish you’d told me.”

“What would it have changed?”

“I don’t know…I don’t know,” he said softly.

“I thought he was you. I remember the dream. That drug…that drug made me dream of you,” she said softly. 

John traced his finger over the lines of her palm, “I wish I’d been able to keep you safe.”

“It’s not your fault. I don’t know how he was able to get to me, but, John, it wasn’t your fault,” she said, reaching up to lightly touch his jaw. “I just want to finish answering whatever questions they have and go back to the hotel. I’m so tired.”

“Okay,” he said softly, looking up when Rene entered the room with a glass of water for Marlena.

“I like to call the children,” she told him.

John smiled at her, his face shining with love, and he told her very gently, “Yeah, Doc. We can call the children tonight.”

Chapter 18

Here I go, I’m shakin’ just like the breeze

Hey baby, I need your hand to steady me

I’m not denying, I’m frightened as much as you

Though I’m barely touching you

I’ve shivers down my spine, and it feels divine

Show Me Heaven – Maria McKee

He needed a drink. He needed a strong drink. John had been staring at the ceiling to his bedroom for over two hours, remembering the way Marlena’s lips felt against his after dinner. He shouldn’t have kissed her. Or did she kiss him? He wasn’t even sure anymore. One moment he was saying goodnight to her, and the next, he had her body pushed against the wall by her bedroom, devouring her mouth, as she moaned into his. The feel of her hair threaded through his fingers, the smell of her perfume, and the sounds she made…G-d, he thought he would die from wanting her. He could still remember the heat of Marlena’s breath against him, and those gasps…fuck, the gasps just drove him higher. He wouldn’t have stopped. There’s no way he could have, but Marlena pushed him away. The look in her eyes said, stopping was the last thing she wanted, but the words she’d spoken, said otherwise, “We need to go to bed, John…” With a whisper she added, “Go to bed.”

He’d stared at her a moment longer, finally remembering his pregnant wife back in Salem. He was suffused with guilt, and he’d said gruffly, “Good night, Doc.” Walking away from her was one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

Rolling to the side of his bed, John tossed his legs over, and ran his fingers through his hair, muttering, “Fuck. I need a drink.” Standing up, he didn’t bother with a shirt or pants, exiting his bedroom in a pair of black cotton boxer briefs, with one goal on his mind…hard liquor. A couple shots of scotch to dull his mind, and get some sleep, was what he needed. Pushing his hand against his cock, he groaned. G-d, that felt good. He’d been hard since he’d walked away from her, and was contemplating a shower to remedy the situation.

When he entered the living area of the suite, he was surprised to find Marlena sitting on the carpet, in front of the floor to ceiling windows with a bottle of red wine, staring out over the city. 

Marlena had her own sleeping woes. She’d been perpetually aroused for days. No amount of self-care was taking care of that problem. John standing over her, clad in a simple pair of underwear, would be the thing that likely broke her. His muscles, and the shadows that played over them, had her longing to run her fingers up his abdomen. His cock was already hard. There was no hiding that. Likely, his sleep issues stemmed from an identical problem. She wanted to taste him, lick over his skin…suck his cock. It had been so long. She nearly groaned aloud, as she clenched her fists at her sides.

Pushing her hair from her face, she schooled her features, and looked up at him with a smile, before looking back out the window. She tipped the wine bottle up to her mouth, taking a long drink, “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

She was fucking gorgeous. He stared at her, while his cock twitched, and knew he should go back to his bedroom. He didn’t. Instead, he swallowed thickly, and said, “Yeah, Doc. Paris is a beautiful city.” Watching her for a moment longer, John asked her softly, “Doc, why are you out here drinking by yourself?”

“Isn’t that what you’re planning to do?” she asked him bluntly.

John smirked, retrieving the scotch from the bar, along with a crystal glass, “You got me there.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said. “I thought a little wine might help.”

John laughed, “Straight from the bottle? How much of that have you had?”

“Maybe, two glasses worth, although, I think with three, I’ll sleep like a baby,” she murmured staring at the Eiffel Tower. “Did you know, when the Eiffel Tower was built for the World’s Fair, the people of Paris considered it a monstrosity? Now it’s a monument to French architecture.”

John sat across from her on the floor, and poured himself some scotch, tossing it back quickly. He could barely focus on her words. His mind was conjuring images of her mouth on his dick, and his body fucking her against the window.

Marlena giggled, glancing at him quickly, feeling slightly buzzed from the wine. She said, “Pace yourself, Sailor.”

“Sailor?” John asked with a smile.

Marlena shrugged. She giggled again. She wasn’t sure where that came from. Tilting the wine bottle up to her mouth, again, Marlena took another long draw. Putting it back down beside her, she whispered, “Every night I was with Stefano, after he told me you were dead…I would lie in my bed for hours talking to you.”

“I know,” he said softly, thinking of those lonely hours. She had been in so much pain it was excruciating to watch, and yet he hadn’t been able to look away. “I would watch you. I would talk to you, too.”

Marlena looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time since he’d sat down, “Maybe on some level I felt that.”

“Sometimes, I thought you did,” he replied, pouring himself another drink. Watching Marlena take another drink of the wine, John reached for the bottle, gently taking it from her hand, “You’ve had enough, Baby.”

“Baby?” she asked with a smile. “I remember when just the sound of you calling me that had me crawling into your lap, and begging you to make love to me.”

John’s heart rate picked up, but he said nothing. Sitting across from her in a pair of boxer briefs, he wasn’t able to hide his reaction. It didn’t help that Marlena seemed to be missing the bottom half of her pajama set. She had her long legs crossed at the ankles, and she sat back leaning on her palms, but the satin pajama top barely hit the top of her thighs. He could tell she was definitely feeling the effects of the wine, but that didn’t stop him from admiring the way her breasts curved under the satin fabric. He poured himself another scotch, telling himself it would be the last, and drank it down quickly, feeling the burn as it slid down his throat.

When he glanced back towards Marlena, he saw her cheeks shining with tears, “Doc? Honey, don’t cry…don’t cry.”

John moved closer, wiping a tear from her face with the pad of his thumb, and heard Marlena say, “I wish you were mine.”

John’s chest tightened, and he replied roughly, “I wish you were mine.”

“But I’m not…and I have no right to wish you were mine, either,” she whispered. “But every night since Aremid, I have gone to sleep thinking of you, and every morning I awake with your face in my mind.”

“I do the same thing, Doc.”

“What are we going to do?”

Unable to stop himself from touching her, and having some sort of physical connection with her, his palm smoothed up her leg from her knee, and rested on her thigh. Marlena’s head fell back, and John marveled at the way the city lights played in shadows over her skin. Her hair shining with light as it hung down behind her body in long blond waves. His hand involuntarily squeezed her flesh, and she groaned, looking over at him with a dazed expression, waiting to see what he would do next. 

“I think, I might be a little drunk,” he said.

Marlena was quiet for a long moment. She finally whispered, “If Sami hadn’t changed Belle’s paternity test…I would be with you right now. Wanting your hands on my body, and your lips on mine wouldn’t be wrong.” She glanced down to where his hand rested on her thigh, and she said, “It doesn’t feel wrong.”

John knew she was right. If Sami hadn’t changed Belle’s blood test, he would have fought for Marlena. He would have fought for his family. That’s not how it had turned out. He acknowledged the truth in what she was saying, replying, “It doesn’t feel wrong. Touching you…has never felt wrong.”

His hand slid a little higher, and curved towards the inside of her leg, so close to her center. She ached and throbbed, wishing silently, that he would continue to move higher. Continue to touch her. Marlena uncrossed her legs, stretching them out in front of her. She was tempting him, and he was tempted. So tempted. John told her softly, “We should stop this.”

Marlena sat up, feeling the effects of the wine more heavily, “I don’t think I want to stop.” Her fingers moved to the buttons on her pajama top, slowly releasing them from the fabric one at a time.

John was mesmerized, the scotch, and the vision before him, rooting him in place, “Fuck, Doc.” Her skin was revealed to him, one creamy inch at a time.

“My mind is swirling. It’s a mass of chaotic emotions, and memories, and the only thing that can calm me is you. The only person who has ever been able to calm me is you. It’s always been you,” she whispered, pushing her shirt over her creamy shoulders. 

John could barely breathe. His eyes roamed her body, lit up by the lights of Paris. Completely naked except for a pair of soft yellow lace panties, Marlena was a goddess. She was his heart and his soul, “Marlena…”

Rising up in front of him, she settled on her knees, and finally touched him, a soft sigh escaping her. Her palms settled on his chest, and she said, “Will you touch me?”

Was he being seduced? He wasn’t sure. Probably. Whatever was happening, he had no plans to stop it. His hands settled on her thighs, and he moved them slowly, caressing her skin, settling them on her rounded hips. His cock was weeping, and throbbing in his briefs, and he moaned softly. Marlena’s rounded breasts in the moonlight were nearly his undoing. He leaned forward, kissing her softly on her collarbone, taking a deep breath, and holding her essence in his lungs. Slack lips moved over her skin, placing more kisses in a trail towards her freckled shoulder. She smelled amazing. There was nothing better in his mind or his memories, then the smell of her skin at the end of the day. He was overcome with memories of their life together before she’d been taken by Orpheus, and he was floored with love. A love that they both knew had never died. A love that had woven its way around them, and enchanted them both.

Marlena’s hands moved slowly down his chest, the pads of her fingers moving softly over his abdomen. She watched his muscles ripple in arousal. His breathing hitched again, and his belly fluttered. Even as his fingers dug into the soft flesh at her hips, he whispered, “Ah, Doc…Baby…we should stop.”

Marlena moved closer, allowing his hands to fall back, and cup her ass, as her fingers whispered their way across his shoulders. Her nipples, pulled high and tight with her arousal, brushed through the hair on his chest, causing her to moan. “Oh, John…I can’t stop. I’m so tired of wanting you. Of aching for you…and never being allowed to have you. Why can’t we?” she begged him, knowing if she weren’t drunk she would never be so forward. “Please?”

His hands gripped her, where her buttocks met her thighs. John’s fingers curled between her legs, feeling the heat and moisture of her pussy, and he was lost. His rational mind caved into her. He would give Marlena anything, because he loved her. That’s why, when she pulled his mouth down to hers, and her tongue, tasting of red wine dipped into his mouth, all he did was groan. Marlena’s tongue licked between his lips, and John Black was lost in the taste of her. Nothing would stop him. He would give her whatever she wanted. Whatever she asked for would be hers.

Rising to his feet, he reached for her hand, helping her stand. Pulling her forward, his fingers caught in elastic of her panties. He stared at her for a few seconds, before tugging them down to her knees. Marlena shifted, kicking them off, and reached for the waistband of his briefs. Her fingers slid under the elastic, moving around his lower back, and as she pushed them down her palms moved over his ass. John’s cock released with a heavy slap against his abdomen, and he found himself, whispering, “Fuck…Doc!” 

Marlena stared down at his length. She needed to taste him. Sinking back to her knees, her fingers moved along his thighs, and she pushed his body back, so that he rested against the window. Looking up into his arousal blown eyes, she said roughly, “I need to taste you.”

“Fuck, Doc,” John rasped out, craving the feel of her mouth on him. “Yes…G-d, yes…” Marlena kissed over softly over his hips, causing his cock to throb. She licked over the swollen tip, and John cried out, “Marlena! Yes…fuck, yes!”

She stared up at him, their eyes locked together, and she opened her mouth wide, swirling her tongue over the head one more time. His hips bucked, and she knew he was losing his control. Maybe she wanted him to lose his control. She wanted him just as desperate for her, as she’d been for him. Gripping his cock at the base with her fist, she slid her mouth over him. 

“Fuck!” John cried out. He reached for her face, his fingers somehow gripping her hair instead, and he guided her mouth up and down his turgid length. It had been so long since he’d had her mouth on him. The heat of her, the feel of her tongue along the backside of his cock, John knew if she continued he would come. “Doc, oh, that feels so fucking good…”

Marlena released her grip on him, and raked her fingernails down the front of his thighs. His hips bucked involuntarily, causing his cock to go deeper into her mouth, and still Marlena stared up at him. John was lost. So fucking lost in the sensation of her, but it was more than that. It was Marlena. He was absolutely lost in Marlena. 

Feeling the tingle and the buildup of pressure in his lower back, John guided her mouth off of him gently. She smiled slyly, and attempted to take him back into her, murmuring, “I want to taste you.”

“Not tonight,” he whispered pulling her body up to his. He kissed her fiercely. He could taste his essence on her tongue, and he thought he could come from the thought of it. 

“Make love to me,” she whispered. “Just once. I won’t ask for more than tonight. Just tonight.”

They both knew it wouldn’t be once, it was never just once. If they started down this path, they could lie to themselves every time, but it was never over with them. It never could be over. John’s lips kissed softly across her cheek, leaving a trail of moistness behind them. Marlena’s nipples tightened, and the ache in her only grew with the sensation of them rubbing along his chest, “John!”

His name, on her lips, at that moment, caused his cock to jerk. She felt the pulse of him against her abdomen, and her hips rolled into him. Marlena moaned, rolling her hips again. His hands gripped her, grinding her pelvis even harder against him, as he shouted, “Doc! Fuck!”

“I need you,” she panted into his mouth. “I need you. I need you.”

His hands swept down her back, and over her ass, lifting her, so that her legs encircled his waist, and her arms held him around his neck. John turned their bodies, leaning her against the glass, and held her with his weight. There was no stopping this train now. His mouth latched onto her neck, sucking and pulling at her skin, as John rasped out, “Are you sure, Baby? Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Please, please…please,” she breathed into his mouth, while biting at his lips. “Please!” she whined.

John’s fingers were gripping her thighs so tightly, he knew she would have bruises, and that turned him on even more. The thought of her having marks along the backs of her thighs, marks that he could look at, and remember what they’d done to put them there, drove him mad. His mouth took hers fiercely, his tongue warring with hers and his lips playing and sucking at her flesh. John slid into her moist heat with a roar, “Marlena! Oh, G-d! Marlena…I need—we need…bedroom…now…”

He held her close, as tightly as he could, and he walked with her, heading towards his bedroom. He had no plans to allow her to go back to her own bed tonight. What he needed was to lie her down, and pound into her.

Marlena ran her fingers over his face lightly, and she smiled at him softly, “I love you. I shouldn’t say that, but I do.”

John laid them on the bed, rolling his hips to seat himself even deeper inside of her. His mind thought suddenly, she could get pregnant. He stopped moving, pulling back slightly, “Doc, I—I don’t have a condom on…”

“Don’t stop,” she said, pulling his back. “Please, John. Don’t stop.”

His hips pumped a couple of times, and he groaned, “Fuck, you feel so good, Doc.”

He was thinking of Kristen. She knew he was. So she reassured him, “I won’t get pregnant. I understand…I do.” She could see the guilt there, combined with his love for her. She knew better than most what John was feeling in that moment. She’d felt the same guilt the last time they’d done this, when she was cheating on Roman. She whispered, softly touching his face, “I won’t get pregnant.”

He kissed her slowly, and then buried his face in her neck helplessly, “I love you so much, Doc.”

“I love you,” she said quietly. “Just be with me now…in this moment, just me.”

John knew what she meant, and he kissed her again tenderly. He would deal with what came after this at another time, but in that moment, all he could focus on was the woman in his arms. The woman he’d been in love with for years. John brushed her hair back from her face, and pulled back, thrusting into her, “Oh, Doc…Doc…”

“Harder,” she whispered, wrapping her legs around his back. “Harder, John, please.”

His thrusts came hard and fast. Marlena’s fingernails raked across his skin, and she cried out her pleasure, as his mind recorded every sound. His lips sucked and pulled at her skin. His teeth bit her, causing her to cry out even louder. 

“Marlena, you feel so good! You feel so fucking good!” John cried.

Marlena could feel her orgasm building, and she rasped out, “I’m—I’m going to…” 

Marlena’s head fell to the side, and he felt her body tense. John knew she was close. He whispered in her ear, “Come on my cock, Doc. Let me feel it. Come for me.”

And she was gone, flying high, as John pounded into her. His final thrusts came as her orgasm pulled at him, and her core rolled, and pulsed along his length. John was lost in her. He would always be lost in her.

They lay together in the silence of the bedroom. He’d managed to get them underneath the blankets, and her body was curled around his in the dark. John felt her hand on his face, and she whispered, “Just let me have you for a little longer, and I promise…I promise when we go home to Salem…I’ll let you go…”

John was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “This week?”

“Yes…let me pretend you’re mine this week, and then I’ll let you go.”

John knew it wouldn’t be that easy. So did Marlena. He could see the lie in her eyes, but he kissed her softly, wrapping his arm around her waist, and pulled her body closer. Against her lips he said softly, “Okay.”

Chapter 19

The full weight of you on top of me sleeping

And when you wake, I’m awake, I’m awake, I’m awake

I’m Awake – Maria McKee

The sun was rising, and Marlena awoke, feeling the strength of John’s arm around her, and his body curled around hers. It was everything she wanted. It was everything she’d dreamed of, even when she was still trying to make her marriage to Roman work. But it was bittersweet. She’d had too much wine, and she knew, she’d said, and done things, she wouldn’t have done otherwise. She had intentionally seduced him. She knew she had.

Rolling towards him, she laid her hand on his chest, feeling his soft hair between her fingers. She buried her face in his neck, breathing deeply. She loved him so much, it was sometimes painful. Tasting him, feeling his body…she knew, she’d lied when she said, she’d let him go. The mere idea of watching John return to Kristen was slowly killing her. 

She wished, she could get pregnant right then, and then immediately berated herself for the thought. Bringing another child into this emotional chaos would be a bad idea. She knew that. The idea of carrying John’s child, while knowing it was John’s baby was something she wanted. She wanted that experience with him. Stop, she told herself. Just stop. It didn’t matter anyway, since she’d begged the doctor that set her broken arm, to bring a shot of Depo-Provara when he saw her next. She’d been so afraid of being raped, and the idea of carrying Stefano’s child had been enough to make her beg. The doctor took pity on her. She got her shot, with Stefano none the wiser.

  The sound of John’s quiet breathing was something she wanted to remember forever. Marlena closed her eyes, and focused on it, only to realize moments later that she was crying.

John woke to the feel of wetness on his chest, and realized that Marlena was quietly weeping, “Marlena, hey…why are you crying, Doc?”

She whispered, “I feel like I pressured you…I seduced you…”

He felt the guilt over what they’d done start to come up, but he pushed it back down quickly, “Doc, no. No…your touch, your words, the sound of your voice, and your scent—my body will always answer you. Always. You don’t even have to try.”

“I shouldn’t have asked you to touch me, I shouldn’t have drank so much wine,” she whispered.

John lifted himself, so that he could look down at her, “It would have happened anyway, Doc. Today, tonight, tomorrow…we would have made love before we left Paris, because I love you, and I can’t stay away from you.”

“We did this before,” she replied, turning her face from his. “We almost destroyed our families, and now…we’ve done it again.”

John lays back down, pulling Marlena’s naked body close, and asks her quietly, “Are you familiar with Aristophanes?”

She linked her leg with his, and whispered, “No…but it sounds Greek.”

“Aristophanes was a Greek playwright who wrote the origin of humanity as told to him by Plato. It’s the story of soulmates,” John said, reaching for her hand, linking their fingers together. Marlena rested her face in the curve of his neck and sighed, listening to John’s calm voice. “You see, the gods were anxious. Humans were creatures that encompassed three genders, male, female, and androgynous. They had four arms and four legs, and they were perfect. The humans had plans to overthrow the gods. They wanted to rule in their place. The gods saw them as a threat, but yet they also needed to keep them around, because without humans, who would pay tribute to them? Zeus decided that they must be split-apart, separated into two. They became male and female, and they were lost to their other half. The humans became sad and angry, living in constant pain.” John let go of Marlena’s hand, allowing his finger to trail over her skin, and trace over her navel. “Apollo took pity on them, sewing up their fractured bodies, and leaving their navels as the only sign that they’d ever had another half.”

Marlena began to cry again, “John…”

“Plato believed that humans spent their lives in a constant search for their missing half. Doc…you are my other half, my soul mate, my split-apart. That can’t be changed,” he whispered, placing his palm on the warmth of her hip. “When I found you, I was complete…and even as you and I moved away from each other, we always came back. We’re inevitable. My heart, and my soul is always, always, yours.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know,” he told her softly. “I don’t know. What I do know, is that we have right now. The rest we can figure out, but you and I…we have this moment. This time. These few days before reality becomes something we have to face.”

The sun was just breaking over the horizon, casting a soft glow over the room, when Marlena whispered, “I lied.”

John rolled her onto her back, leaning over her, and stared into the most gorgeous pair of hazel eyes, “I know.” 

Marlena’s hand reached for his face, “I don’t know if I’ve ever let you go. I don’t think I did.”

John brushed the hair from her face, “I’ve never let you go. Every touch, and ever smile, Doc…it felt like my heart reconnecting with yours. Even the smallest touch. Friendly hugs…comfort…all of it was me reaching out for you in someway.”

“Do you believe that story?” She asked him. “Do you believe that we were once souls that were torn apart?”

“I believe that some people are meant for each other…” John said, kissing her softly. He kissed her forehead, “I believe that you are mine.” He kissed her cheek, “And I believe that I am yours.”

“Where does that leave us?” she wanted to know.

“I’m not sure,” John said, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her lips. “I’m not sure, but I know I love you. Kristen’s pregnancy is…precarious. I can’t do anything that might potentially hurt my child.”

“I understand,” she said. “I do.”

“She’s due in April…when the baby is born, Doc…I can tell her then.”

“Tell her?”

John continue to stroke her face, brushing his fingers over her forehead, “Tell her that I will be there for my child, and I will take care of my child…but I can’t stay married to Kristen, when I will always, and forever, be in love with you.”

Marlena smiled. She knew that ending his marriage would hurt Kristen, and she knew that a part of John would struggle with the decision, because when he took a vow or made a promise he meant it. He’d already broken his promise to Kristen. 

She thought again about her divorce from Roman, and her reasons for it. She’d known this was coming, and she’d done nothing to stop it. She could even take responsibility for encouraging it, and a certain amount of guilt came with that. Kristen loved John. She was kind to Marlena, and her children. Marlena stared up at John, and she said honestly, “I love you. I love you so much, that even though I feel tremendous guilt…I can’t stop this.”

“I don’t want you to stop this,” John murmured, with his lips against her neck. His fingers pushed her hair to the side, and he whispered, “We couldn’t have stopped this.”

Marlena acknowledged the truth of it. They’d been sending each other signals for months. Since their time in Aremid. Gentle touches, and soft caresses. A whispered breath with the softest touch of lips along the ear. Stares that lasted longer than necessary. All of it escalating until they could no longer pretend something wasn’t happening. John would stay later at her house, even after the kids were in bed. He would kiss her goodbye, and his lips would land at the corner of her mouth. But the night she was attacked in her office, the night he had blurted out, “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Doc.” That was when things were undeniable. That was the night, Marlena had stopped pushing him away, and maybe…possibly, she started enticing him closer.

She’d known that he would watch her body when she walked by, so she selected clothes that would enhance her shape. He would sniff the air when she entered a room, so she selected the same scent, every single day. She started wearing her makeup in natural hues, and allowing her hair to be slightly wavier. At what point did she stop caring if she hurt Kristen in her quest for John? Maybe, she was more like her sister Samantha than she realized. Maybe, she was tired of giving everything, and never getting the one thing she felt she couldn’t live without.

John tipped her face to look at him, “Don’t…don’t do this…”

Marlena’s stared up at him with tear filled eyes, “I’ve been tempting you for months.”

He smiled, “You think I’m that weak?”

“What?”

“Every pair of fitted slacks, the perfume, the soft pink lip gloss…fuck, Doc. I waited for it. I anticipated it. I found myself wondering at breakfast every morning, What will she wear today? How will her hair be styled? Sometimes I’d catch the scent of your perfume in the hallway upstairs, and know…I’d know you’d just been there, and I’d want…I’d want so badly to follow you into your room, close the door, and forget the world.” 

“Don’t you see?” she cried. “If you knew…if you knew I was doing that, then you know why I’m feeling so torn about this! I wanted…I wanted to feel wanted.”

“When Kristen suggested that you and the girls move in, I was surprised. I was apprehensive, because I knew, I loved you. Having you so close would be torture, but…you made it the sweetest torture,” John moaned. 

“I should have let you be,” she said.

“You think that would have stopped this? It wouldn’t have. Doc…it wouldn’t have. Almost as soon as Abe and I arrived in France, I was desperate to find you. More than once he threatened me,” he told her.

“Why would Abe threaten you?”

“I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I would search for hours and started getting sloppy,” John said. “If anything had happened to you. If Stefano had…hurt you again. Doc, I was losing my mind for you.”

“When we had our affair…the last time, Roman…he called me a whore. He said, I was a slut, and…now, I’ve been trying to seduce you. Maybe not consciously sometimes, but I have been…doing things to get your attention. You’re married.”

John smiled at her wickedly, trailing one finger down her abdomen, “Doc, you can be a slut with me whenever you want.”

Marlena’s eyes went wide, recalling some of the things they’d done, “John!”

John groaned with arousal, burying his face in her breasts, “When the kids would stay at Shawn and Caroline’s…do you remember?”

“Yes,” Marlena gasped softly, as her heart rate picked up. “I re—remember.”

“I believe I arrested you once for prostitution,” he said biting the soft flesh near her collarbone. Marlena gasped, her hand reaching up to hold his mouth against her skin. “Then to avoid charges, you showed Officer Brady just how grateful you could be.”

“Oh, G-d! I did!” Marlena cried arching up into him.

“Roman said those things to hurt you. Our affair…before, and now, is nothing but love. Two people who simply can’t stay away from each other for too long, and eventually come crashing back together. But, I can tell you honestly…I dream of you being a little slutty with me,” John whispered, just before kissing her softly. “I dream about you going to work with no panties. I dream about fingering you under the dinner table. I dream about making love to you on Victor’s plane…and sex on conference room tables.”

She grinned up at him feeling naughty, “Anything else?”

“Oh, Doc…there’s a lot more,” John groaned, rolling onto his back, and pulling her body over his. Marlena tilted forward, dragging her nipple across his mouth. He rasped out, “You fucking tease me, and I just want more.”

She settled her swollen folds on his hard length, and brushed her nipple over his lips again, feeling him open his mouth. She whispered, “Take me.”

Chapter 20

Well, I’ve been on the road to this

An’ I’ve been on the way to this

But who’d have think it’d come to this?

Don’t let on, you’ve seen me like this, like this…

Drinkin’ In My Sunday Dress – Maria McKee

Kristen hung up the telephone, and a wide smile took over her face. What she didn’t know was that Sami had been watching her with extreme interest. Pulling her notepad from her pocket, Sami noted the date and time of the phone call. Kristen had been crying and nearly inconsolable for the past two days. This sudden smile, and change in energy, was highly suspicious, but in all honesty Sami had stopped trusting Kristen that day in Stefano’s study. 

After her mother’s kidnapping, she had gone into her room, and taken the teacup, placing it in a plastic bag, and she’d put it in the deep freezer at her house. She wasn’t sure why she’d kept the tea cup. She’d seen Kristen bring her mother tea earlier that night, and something inside of her was screaming for her to take it, before the maids cleaned the room. 

For two days, there had been frantic late night phone calls, full of disrespect, and sometimes whispered hissing. Kristen would curse and shout orders, all the while, Sami kept meticulous notes. Kristen DiMera wore one face in public, but in private, she wore an entirely different one. Then there was her pregnancy. She’d been exhausted, and worried nearly constantly. Dr. Bader had her on bed rest the majority of the past three weeks, and then suddenly, Kristen changed doctors. She claimed to have more energy because of new vitamins, and her belly…her belly seemed to have expanded overnight. 

Now this latest phone call had suddenly brought her out of mourning? Sami smirked to herself. She wasn’t buying it. Something was off. Kristen’s father was dead. Sami couldn’t fathom what would bring her out of the depths of despair so quickly, especially since the woman had been inconsolable for the last two days. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe knocked on the door of John and Marlena’s suite feeling nothing but apprehension. The news he was about to deliver was not going to go over well. John answered the door wearing a pair of sweatpants, slung low on his hips, and looking incredibly sleepy, and groggy. Abe laughed, “You not sleeping well, partner?”

“Hey, Abraham,” John said, rubbing his hand on his face. Abe was right, he hadn’t gotten much sleep, but not for the reasons Abe might be implying. The search for Marlena had been stressful, and Abe knew that in those almost three weeks, John had gotten very little sleep. John’s lack of sleep the night before, had been because, he simply couldn’t stay away from Marlena’s body. She was like a buffet of soft, sweet flesh, and he was still starving.

“Can I come in? I’ve got some news, and you’re not going to like it,” Abe told him.

John sighed. Abe was going to figure this out eventually. John stepped back allowing Abe to enter, and asked him, “Does Doc need to be here for this?”

“She should be,” Abe told him quietly.

“Let me go get her,” John said, walking away.

Abe looked around the room, quickly realizing why John hadn’t gotten any sleep. A nearly empty bottle of red wine and a bottle of scotch sat on the floor near the windows. Beside them were a skimpy pair of yellow panties, and a satin pajama top, as well as what looked like a pair of black boxer briefs. Abe felt the heat rising to his cheeks. He was embarrassed that he’d interrupted them so early, but he wasn’t surprised that John’s desperation over the last few weeks had led them to this. He’d suspected as much the day before.

In the bedroom, John brushed his hand over Marlena’s sleeping face slowly. Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled at him. “Good morning, Doc.”

“Good morning, Sailor,” she whispered huskily.

John felt shivers roll through him, “Sailor, huh?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said in a sexy voice, running her fingers over his face affectionately.

“Abe’s here. He says, he’s got something to talk to us about.”

“Abe? John, I don’t have any clothes in here. They’re on the floor in the living room.”

John smirked, “Shit. Well, Baby, that means, Abe already knows what we’ve been up to.”

Marlena sat up, causing the blanket she’d had covering her to fall to her waist, as she looked about frantically, “Do you have something I can wear?”

John’s eyes were riveted on her, “Fuck, Doc…I just want to bury myself in you all over again.”

“John, focus!” Marlena told him in exasperation. “I need clothes!”

His finger traced down the line of her sternum, and then flicked over one of her nipples. Leaning forward, he sucked it into his mouth with a soft moan, pushing her back into the soft pillows. Marlena pushed him away, but he just laughed, “Doc, you drive me fucking insane with desire.”

Marlena reached for his face, ensuring that he was looking at her eyes, and she whispered franticly, “Clothes, John. I need clothes.”

His hand had cupped her breast, and he was distracted again, “Can I take them off of you, when Abe leaves?”

She ran her palm over his naked chest, and leaned forward, whispering, “Absolutely.”

Abe looked up from his place on the couch when Marlena and John came out of the back bedroom. He saw Marlena glance towards the discarded clothing on the floor, and a deep blush washed over her cheeks. John would likely bring it up later, but it wasn’t a conversation that they would have with Marlena present. It was an awkward situation all around. Abe’s wife was Kristen’s sister, and Stefano’s daughter. She was also very close friends with John and Marlena. Abe knowing about an affair between the two, put him in a difficult position.

Marlena finally looked at Abe, and said, “Abe…”

Clearing his throat, he said, “I’m sorry to barge in here, but we’ve received some information that couldn’t wait…Stefano’s body is missing.”

John was instantly on alert, “His body is missing? What? Why? How did the ISA lose his fucking body?” John had barely a second to act before Marlena collapsed in front of him. He picked her up gently, placing her on the couch. Kneeling beside her, John looked into her eyes, and saw that she was devastated.

“He’s not dead,” she whispered. “He’s alive…”

“Doc, he is dead. I shot him. You saw the body,” he told her, brushing her hair back from her face.

“No,” she told him. “No. He’s…someone’s got the prisms, or something else has happened, but he’s not dead.”

He looked up at Abe with concern etching his features, “Abe?”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know, I haven’t considered the prisms in years. I know what they were supposed to be able to do…”

Marlena spoke, barely above a whisper, “Bring back the dead. Heal them…and bring them back.”

“How do we find out?” John wanted to know. “We need to contact Shane.”

“Shane’s already on his way back to Paris,” Abe told him. “All we can do now is wait.”

John walked Abe to the door, and said quietly, “Look Abraham, about Marlena and I—”

Abe placed his hand on John’s arm, “—I suspected it yesterday. I understand better than anyone else in your lives, what you and Marlena have been through, and what you mean to each other. I’m not here to judge you.”

John was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “Can you let me know when Shane arrives?”

“Yeah,” Abe replied. He added with a smirk, “I’ll call next time.”

Color suffused John’s face, “Yeah…yeah, you do that.” After closing the door with a soft click, John approached Marlena where she sat quietly on the couch. Kneeling in front of her, he told her softly, “Doc…Doc, look at me.”

Her wet eyes met his, and she whispered, “I have a horrible feeling this isn’t over.”

“I need you to explain the prisms to me again,” John said gently. “I wasn’t in Salem when everything happened with them.”

“Can you hold me?”

John moved beside her on the couch, pulling her body into the curve of his, and kissed her head, “C’mere, Doc.”

She rested her face on his chest, and started speaking in quiet tones, “The prisms were created by Larry Welch’s father. A man by the name of Victor Chorvat. Stefano wanted them, because he had a brain tumor, and the prisms were thought to have the ability to cure it, but they were scattered. He needed all three together. The Russians wanted them, Stefano and his daughter Meagan wanted them…the ISA wanted them. G-d, John, it was so complicated, but ultimately, the last prism was rigged. If kept out of refrigeration for too long, it had the potential to destroy half of Salem. Stefano got it…at the Opera House. By then, everyone had somehow ended up there. It was a mess. Russian agents, ISA, Stefano, and his people…and me.”

John realized that this must have been when Marlena shot Stefano, “You? Doc…”

“I followed him, and cut him off…in the rafters of the Opera House,” she said. “I hunted him. I was so angry. I hated him. I hated him with every part of my soul. He’d killed Roman, and left my children without their father. I felt that if I killed him, he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else.”

“That’s when you shot him, and the fire started?”

“He dropped the third prism. It was getting progressively hotter, preparing to detonate, and when it landed, the fire started. I shot Stefano. He didn’t believe that I would. I shot him, and he fell into the fire. Everyone assumed he had died,” she said. “His second death, I suppose.”

“What happened to the third prism?”

“Shane was able to retrieve it, and get it back into cold storage. Petrov took over Stefano’s organization, and Nurse Honeycutt started to work for him.”

“That’s when I came into things. Victor had Petrov killed, Honeycutt went to work for him, and I was The Pawn,” John said remembering the time in his life when he had felt the most lost and alone. “I found you.”

“No one knows what happened to the other two prisms, but Shane told Kimberly and Bo that he had dropped the one from the opera house into the ocean,” Marlena finished.

“Do we know if he did?” John asked her.

Marlena ran her fingers over John’s chest, whispering, “I never asked him. I know that the ISA wanted it. Badly.”

“When Abe said Stefano’s body was missing…why did you immediately assume it had something to do with the prisms?”

“When I was in the catacombs, a few times, in whispered conversations…I heard Stefano mention Megan, his daughter. I thought she was dead. I think she’s dead. Another time, he spoke on the phone, and I heard him mention Hope’s ice skating costume…the one that had a prism sewn into it. I was so distraught over losing you, I didn’t care to pay close attention,” she said. “Stefano was always rambling about something. Bringing up the past, and speaking about his failed plots. All I could think about was the fact that I was never going to hold you again.”

“Interesting,” he said, stroking his fingers absently over her back. “It’s 1996, Doc. Why would Stefano be caught up in something from 1984? That was twelve years ago.”

“I’ve heard rumors, over the years, of course. Rumors that the three prisms together had untold power. The last I knew was two of them were missing, and the third was dropped into the Atlantic,” Marlena whispered. “But what if that’s not true? What if…someone working for Stefano stole his body? What if they have all three prisms?”

“Could the prisms bring someone back from the dead? Did they have that type of power?”

Marlena’s voice was laced with fear, “If anyone could rise from the ashes of death again…it would be Stefano DiMera. But who could work for him? Who could work for him, and—”

“—Wilhelm Rolf,” John whispered. 

Marlena sat up, looking at him curiously, “Who?”

“The doctor who did the memory transfer on me. The one who created the program to map minds, and put Roman’s memories into me,” John told her quietly.

“John, I’m confused,” she said, still staring at him. “How do you know that?”

John continued to stare into her eyes, and he said, “I remembered.”

Chapter 21

As visions gather in my head

I find it hard to live with the things I did and said

But for you, my friend

I’d live it all again, and love you in the end

My Girlhood Among the Outlaws – Maria McKee

Marlena stared at him in shock, “You remembered? John, exactly how much have you recalled?”

He didn’t answer for a long time, then he said, “I started remembering when I was in the gas chamber.”

“John!” 

“I was dying,” he told her. “The gas was burning my lungs, and I was going in and out of consciousness. It was flashes of my life, interspersed with you, Brady, Belle…Kristen. I was having memories of the twinners, and mixed in between it all, faces, names, memories of before.”

“How much, John? How much did you recall?”

“Enough to know I didn’t want to recall any more,” he told her. “I was done trying to learn about my past. Stefano used me, Doc. He used me, and I was powerless to stop it.”

Marlena felt his pain. She touched his face softly, “And this Wilhelm Rolf? You remembered him?”

John sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, “Yeah, Doc. I remember him. He’s the fucking bastard that tattooed me. He’s the one that had me as Stefano’s trained killer…I was a G-d damned enforcer for the DiMera organization. I was an art thief…and then, I was Roman Brady.”

“John,” Marlena whispered. “Why—why didn’t you tell me?”

“You had your own shit to deal with, Doc. Roman left, and you were juggling your job, and the girls. Sami was so angry…”

“Did you tell anyone?” she asked him, wondering specifically about Kristen. He didn’t answer her, and Marlena climbed up, straddling his body, touching his face gently, “Oh, John. I would have been there for you—”

“—I know that,” he said, smiling at her. “I know.”

“I hate to think of you, having these memories, with no one to talk to.”

“The only person I could ever open up to about that stuff was you,” he told her. “Doc, it’s always been you. I think about it, and I wonder, how much of that am I responsible for? How many people did I kill on Stefano’s order?”

“John, you’re not a murderer—”

“—but I was, Doc. I was!”

Marlena wiped the tears from John’s face, tears he didn’t even realize he’d shed, until her thumbs brushed across his cheeks. Marlena looked into his deep blue eyes, and she said softly, “Not by your own choice.”

“How do you know that? We don’t know tha—”

“—I do! I do know that!” Marlena said emphatically. “I absolutely know that to be true! It’s not who you are. You are a kind, fair, gentle soul, John Black, and no one could ever convince me otherwise.” Brushing her fingertips over his lips, she whispered, “No one could ever convince me otherwise.”

Threading his fingers into her blonde curls, John pulled her mouth to his, kissing her softly. He looked at her for a moment, and then kissed her again, licking over the seam of her lips. Marlena smiled against him, letting him lick over her mouth, begging for entrance. When she finally moaned, opening her mouth on a sigh, John was undone, “Fuck, Baby…”

“John,” Marlena moaned, as his mouth made its way to her neck. “John, we should talk about this. About these memories…there might be—oh, G-d—there might be something that could—mmmm, your mouth…John…”

“You promised me that I could take these clothes off of you,” he whispered. He bit the soft flesh of her neck, causing her to cry out, and he smiled, licking over it. “Did you like that, Doc? Just a little nip of pain, before I lick it all better?”

“John…”

His fingers tangled in the hem of the too large sweatshirt she was wearing, and he whispered, “Lift your arms for me.” Raising her arms over her head slowly, Marlena’s body shivered, feeling the drag of the fabric over her skin, and her breasts. Every inch that was revealed to his eyes, had John anticipating the fall of her breasts when he finally pulled the item from her. He wasn’t disappointed. Cupping her full breasts in his hands, John moaned, “So fucking amazing.”

Marlena wanted his mouth on her. She wanted to feel the soft pull of his lips on her nipples, and feel the pinch that pulled at her core when he rolled them in his fingers, “John, oh G-d, John…please.”

He smiled at her in that sexy way, that only John could, “Tell me what you want, Doc.”

“Oh!” she cried. His hands kneaded her breasts, sending small jolts of pain that translated as the most pleasurable hurt. “Oh! Yes, just like that.”

John’s cock was throbbing. The way she reacted, her responses to his hands on her body, were so natural, so honest, he thought he might lose himself right then. “You like a little pain, don’t you, Marlena. A little hurt in the right places, and you’re soaring, aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes, yes…”

John’s lips took hers again, his hands gliding down the velvet skin of her back. Pushing at her sweatpants, he whispered, “These are in the way.”

“So are yours,” she whispered with a chuckle.

“Clothes are such a hindrance,” John muttered against her lips, unwilling to stop kissing her.

“Completely unnecessary,” she murmured across his mouth.

“I swear once I get these damn sweatpants off of you, we’re spending the rest of the day naked,” John said with growing irritation.

“Do you promise?”

“Stand up, Doc. Stand up, and take off the pants,” John commanded.

Marlena’s core clenched, “Do you like giving me orders, John Black?”

John’s eyes got wider, remembering all their times together when Marlena was willing to do anything he said, “You like that, Doc?” She stared at him, barely breathing she was so turned on. He sat up, his eyes roaming her body , and he said, “Take off the sweatpants.”

Marlena’s core clenched again, and she felt wetness coat her inner thighs. Without breaking eye contact, she finished pushing the pants over her hips, and kicked them to the side. Licking her lips slowly, she whispered, “Do you like what you see, Sailor?”

John stood up, pushing his own sweatpants off quickly. Sitting back down on the couch, John groaned, “Fuck, yes. Come here, Doc. I want you standing in front of me with your legs spread.”

She knew, she was wet. So wet, she could feel arousal sliding from her, as she followed John’s commands. Standing before him, with her legs, spread wide, she held her breath. He leaned forward, nudging her clit with his nose, causing her to cry out, “John!”

His tongue slowly pushed between her swollen lips, flicking her again. His voice was rough with arousal, “You like that don’t you, Doc? You like being just a little slutty with me?”

“Oh!” she moaned, feeling her legs quake. John’s hands gripped her behind her knees, and slid up towards the curve of her ass, squeezing hard, and making her pussy clench, making her scream, “John! Oh, G-d!”

He knew where to touch her, how to touch her, and he wanted to make her scream. He knew he could. “Spread your legs wider, Baby…yeah, yeah,” he rasped, staring at her in awe. “Just like that.”

One of his hands reached from behind her, while one reached from the front, and Marlena nearly collapsed from the sensations. She could hear herself gasping, “John…John!”

Looking up at her, John slid two fingers into her pussy, and rubbed his thumb in a smooth motion over her clit. Soft, so soft, she thought she might collapse. His other hand slid from behind, pulling moisture from her swollen sex along the crease of her ass, causing her to buck against his hand, and moan, “More…oh, yes, John more.”

His thumb slipped and slid over her anus, and he said darkly, “You know what I want, don’t you, Marlena?”

“Yes,” she whispered. She found herself getting lost in his assault, this attack on both fronts that had her near quaking as she stood in front of him. His finger slid into her, pushing his other hand deeper and causing his thumb to rub even harder over her clit. “Oh…oh, yes…”

“I remember,” he said thickly. “You told me I was the first person to make love to your ass—”

“—the only person,” she whispered, rocking her hips as both of his hands played over her.

John’s cock throbbed, leaking fluid from his tip, “The only one?”

“No one else,” she whispered. “John! Please!” She felt another finger slide into her, the stretch creating a deeper ache inside of her.

John continued to rub over her clit, while his fingers stretched her behind, “Are you going to let me in, Doc?”

She was near delirious with arousal. She knew she was leaking over his hand. “John…I’m going to—”

“—No, you’re not. Not until I say you can,” he said roughly. John slid a third finger into her ass, making her cry out with the ache inside her. “You’re so fucking wet for me.”

He removed his hand from her pussy, but continued stretching her behind, as Marlena rocked her hips, and begged him, “Please! John…my legs, I can’t stand…”

He removed his fingers, and sat back on the couch saying, “Get over here.” That was all he needed to say. She stepped forward straddling him, and rubbed her swollen folds along his length, “Fuck! Doc! Stop. Stop, Baby! Stop!” He gripped her hips, lifting her off of him, and struggled to get himself together. He pumped his hand roughly along his dick, getting her wetness all over his palm, and reached behind her again, sliding two fingers into her, causing Marlena to cry out.

She bucked her hips again, crying out, “John! Please!”

“I don’t want to hurt you…I never want to hurt you,” he whispered, struggling to speak, because he was struggling to think straight. John’s cock was so hard, he thought he might die from his need to relieve the pressure. “Come here, Doc,” he whispered, pulling her pussy down over his length. Her arousal coated his cock, and he lifted her again, rubbing the head of his dick through her swollen folds. She was so wet.

“You won’t hurt me,” she cried. “I’m ready…I’m—” John pushed the tip into her, sliding in easily, and Marlena threw her head back in ecstasy, “Fuck!”

John found himself breathing heavy, forcing himself to hold back, when all he wanted to do was push deeper into her. Sliding in another inch, he reached for her swollen sex, slipping two fingers back into her, and rubbing over her clit again. He slid deeper.

Marlena slid down further, slowly until John was seated so deeply inside her, she thought she might combust. She lifted herself slightly, and slid back down on his hard length with a groan, “John…oh, G-d John! You feel so good!”

He pushed up into her, deeper, and continued rubbing her clit, “I don’t want to hurt you…but fuck, Marlena, you feel so fucking tight, I just want to pound into you.”

She leaned forward resting one arm around his shoulder, and she kissed him. Her lips played over his, and her tongue licked over him, while she whispered, “I need you. Please.”

John was lost. Her mouth continued to move over his, and she groaned into him. Lifting her slightly, he started to slide in and out of her slowly, “Oh, Doc…G-d, Doc.”

“More,” she rasped, licking his neck, and rubbing her clit even harder. “More, John.”

“Baby…fuck, fuck,” he whispered, pulling her mouth back to his, as he sank deeper into her. Smoothing his hands over her round behind, he glanced down, where Marlena’s hand played over her clit, “I’m not going to last much longer…”

“I’m right there,” she whispered. “Deeper.”

John hesitated, “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” she groaned. “Make it hurt, just a little.”

His fingers pulled more moisture from her and he lifted her slightly, rubbing it over himself, and slid back into her. John buried his face in her hair, and pulled her body down more roughly, causing her to gasp, and stare at him with blown pupils. He was so deep, he rasped out, “I’m coming…”

Marlena was gone, she rubbed her clit furiously, and she was coming so hard she thought she might pass out. Her orgasm began, her muscles clenching and rolling over his cock.

He bit her shoulder, and started moaning, “Marlena…Marlena, Doc…”

Chapter 22

I took a leap of faith, and I stumbled

I tried to live outside of grace, and I was humbled

But I’d like to bet if I live to fear regret

Then we never would’ve met

My Girlhood Among the Outlaws – Maria McKee

John’s fingers worked the shampoo through Marlena’s hair, and he realized, he hadn’t felt this happy, or this content, since 1986. Ten years. For ten years, there had been something restless inside his soul, and he couldn’t figure out what it was. But, as he considered it, standing in the shower inches from Marlena, he knew, he was wrong. On some level he’d always known what it was. He’d always known, what that unsettled feeling was caused by, because every time Marlena entered a room, he felt a little better. He smiled more. He felt safer. He felt love.

Finishing her hair, he said softly, “Tip your head back, Doc. Let’s rinse your hair.”

She smiled at him sleepily, “I used to love it when we showered together, and you washed my hair.”

“I enjoy taking care of you,” he whispered, running his fingers through her hair, ensuring that all of the soap was rinsed free. Reaching for the conditioner, he began to comb it through with his hands, “I missed taking care of you.”

“I missed it too,” she said, with bittersweet emotion. “I’m going to miss this.”

John was silent, as he continued to thread his fingers through her hair. He finally whispered, “I am too…here, let’s rinse.” She looked up at him, and John saw that she was crying. Cupping her face, he said, “It’s August. The baby is due at the beginning of February. Six months, Doc.”

“Six months…feels like forever. Being with you this week, just reminds me of what we had. I want that back. Not for a week, John. I want that forever,” she said on a choked sob. “And I feel so guilty because of it! You’re married! I’m going to destroy your family—”

“—Doc! No!” he told her. “No! It’s already doomed to fail. Don’t you understand that? What kind of life will I have with Kristen, when I dream of you? What will the environment be like for my child? Kids pick up on that type of thing. You know that!”

Marlena continued to cry, “I feel so selfish.”

“If you’re selfish, then I’m selfish, because I can’t let you go,” he said. “Come on, let’s rinse your hair, and get out of here.”

With wide-eyes she watched him. She never felt as loved as she did in John’s hands. He stepped close, tipping her head back so the spray of the water ran through her hair. Her palm skipped over his ribs, and she whispered, “I never knew I could love someone so much it was painful, but I think that’s just because, I know what’s coming.”

“I’ll still see you. I’ll still come by, and see the girls. Belle’s my daughter,” John said. “I’ll be there, Doc.”

“But we should stop…this. This affair, it should end in Paris,” she whispered. “We’re already going to hurt people. If we continue this for months, we’d just hurt them more.”

John stared at her in surprise. “Doc,” he choked out, “I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I can return to Salem, and—and keep my hands to myself.”

Marlena wiped her eyes furiously, “We have to try.”

Turning off the water, John told her, “I can’t even think about it right now.”

“When? When are we going to think about it? On the way to the airport? On the flight home? We can’t pretend that time isn’t our enemy right now, John.”

He pulled her body close, and rested his forehead against hers, “I know. Fuck…I know…but not right now, Doc. Not today. Maybe, not even tomorrow. Just give me a few days with you.”

“Okay,” she whispered, pulling his lips to hers. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he told her, realizing that it was getting cold. “I was thinking we should get some bath robes today. Then whenever I want to see this delectable body, the only thing standing between you and myself is a terrycloth belt.”

Marlena laughed loudly, “Are you suggesting we spend the rest of the week naked?”

“That’s a fact, Doc,” John said, rubbing a large towel over her skin.

Marlena peeked at him around the fabric as he rubbed it over her head, “What if I wanted to walk the Seine, or see the Eiffel Tower?”

John stopped moving, and allowed his hands to drop briefly, “Baby, we need to think about this. Stefano’s body is missing, and something in my gut is saying you might be right about those prisms. Should we be out in public walking the streets of Paris?”

“You’re right,” she whispered. Marlena’s index finger began to trace lightly over his chest, and she looked up at him with innocent eyes, and said, “It’s going to be awfully boring stuck in this suite for the rest of the week with nothing to do.”

John pushed her body against the wall near the vanity, and he stared into her eyes, “Awww, Doc. I don’t think we’ll be bored.”

“You don’t?” she asked him innocently, feeling his cock against the soft curve of her abdomen. In a teasing voice she said, “I guess, we could play backgammon.”

“Fuck, backgammon, Doc…I wanna play with you,” he whispered, tossing the towel to the floor beside them.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Doc, are you sure you want to do this?” John asked her, standing outside the entrance to the catacombs.

She’d already watched Rene and Shane enter with five officers, and she said softly, “Yes…yes, I need to do this.”

John looked at her, gauging if she was putting on a brave face, “If at any time you get upset, let me or Abe know. We’ll get you out of there, okay?”

“I’ve already been in there once,” Abe said. “I’m worried that seeing it again could re—”

“—I’ve got to face this Abe. I have to,” she whispered.

John took Marlena’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together, “If you’re determined to do this, Doc, let’s do it.”

Abe followed them. He’d never seen two people more in love than John and Marlena, and he had a sinking feeling that when they returned to Salem, they weren’t going to be able to hide it anymore. He watched John’s hand release hers, and slide around her hips, as they went under the low entrance, and he sighed. After finding out that Belle was John’s daughter, Abe really hoped that there was some birth control involved this time, because another pregnancy right now would hurt a lot of people.

They spent ten minutes walking through the darkest parts of the catacombs, before arriving at an entrance she recognized. Her heart was pounding, and she felt her stomach trying to heave the contents of her breakfast up. Marlena stopped short, staring at the ornate wooden door. John  stepped in front of her, grasping her face in his hands and forcing her to look at him, “Doc, if you’re not ready for this…”

She looked at him for a moment, finally whispering, “You’ll stay with me?”

“Doc, I will be here the whole time,” he whispered back.

Shane looked at Abe, and quickly looked away. He couldn’t say for sure what was going on between Marlena and John, but an educated guess, had him thinking they were much more than friends. Shane watched John wipe tears from Marlena’s cheeks with his thumbs, and then grip her hand in his, while he told her, “I’m not going anywhere, Doc.”

Marlena took a deep breath, “Okay…okay, okay…” Looking towards Rene and the other officers, she said softly, “I’m ready.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John felt like they’d been there for hours when an officer going through some discarded files shouted, “J’ai trouvé une liste d’employés! Ménage, personnel de maison, personnel médical…” [I found a list of employees! Household, house staff, medical staff…]

Shane grinned wide, “This is exactly what I was hoping for! Hopefully questioning Stefano’s staff will provide the leads we need!”

Abe smiled at Rene, “I guess we can start pulling people in for questioning now.”

“Yes,” Rene said with a smile. “This is very good.”

Marlena had stayed away from the golden cage the whole time, occasionally glancing at it from the corner of her eyes with a growing sense of inevitability. She finally gave in and approached it, running her fingers over the gilded bars. The door still hung open, from the last time she’d exited it, and she saw the things inside. All the ornate items Stefano had purchased for her comfort. The wardrobe held the clothing he’d selected, with scratchy fabrics, along with lace and gold overlay. Things that were designed to make her beautiful, but not for comfort. 

Placing her hand on the entrance, Marlena took a deep breath, and walked inside. She immediately felt trapped, and her breathing picked up, but then, she felt John’s palm slide up the back of her neck, squeezing her in gentle reassurance. He leaned close to her ear, and he whispered, “You do what you need to do, Doc, but I’m right here.”

Relief washed over her. She was in this horrible space, and the scents were overwhelming her. The perfume Stefano wanted her to wear, the clothing she was forced to wear, and the fact that she stood in the space she’d been when Stefano broke her arm. She could fall apart in an instant, overwhelmed with all of it, but John was there. He stood next to her like the calm after a storm. She turned her face to his, and whispered back, “I love you.”

Shane watched the way Marlena was interacting with John. Their whispered conversations, the soft touches when they thought no one was looking. He looked at Abe, with raised eyebrows, “Should they be sharing a suite at the hotel?”

“I believe it’s too late for that, partner,” Abe replied watching his two best friends from across the room. “Things will fall out how they may, but I believe we may be too late.”

“I was afraid of that,” Shane said, still watching them. “You know, John and Marlena have been drawn to each other since the beginning.” He paused for a moment, and he said, “I feel that kind of draw towards Kimberly, even though we aren’t together. I will always be drawn to Kim, so in away I understand better than most.”

“They’re having an affair, Shane. I understand why…with them it was bound to happen again. I told John that, after Aremid,” Abe said quietly. He saw that Marlena was crying, and John was holding her face in his hands, speaking to her in low tones. “John would do anything for her. Anything. He would die for her, and I understand that, but it puts me in an awkward position, for sure.”

“Because of Lexie?”

Abe replied softly, “Yeah, because of Lexie. She’s barely come to terms with the idea of Stefano as her father, but she’s been trying to forge a relationship with Kristen. They’re sisters, and Lexie has always craved a family connection. Lexie loves Marlena. She loves John. If this comes out, it’s going to devastate her.”

“Have you discussed it with John?” Shane asked him.

“What is there to discuss? I knew this was coming. John’s guilt over their last affair kept him away from her. He forced himself to move on, when I knew, and he knew, he wasn’t ready to do that. When Roman left Salem, I watched them growing closer. Shane…this was inevitable. It was bound to happen.”

Shane watched John, standing in the middle of an elaborate golden cage, hold Marlena in his arms, and rock her back and forth, and he told Abe, “Yes, I would agree with that summation.”

Chapter 23

**Trigger Warning: Rape Discussion**

You opened up my world

With a color scheme

I’ve never felt before

Sweetest Child – Maria McKee

The brush of John’s thumb over the palm of Marlena’s hand brought a calmness to her. She had been fidgety and restless for the duration of the car ride to the police station. Rene and Shane had located Stefano’s doctor. The one who had treated Marlena’s broken arm, and they wanted to see if he might be more willing to talk, if he saw her. As it stood, Dr. Philippe Charlebois was refusing to answer any questions. 

“You know, Doc,” John said quietly, as they walked down the hall towards Rene’s office. “You are one of the bravest people I know.”

“I’m always brave when I have you,” she said.

John stopped her, and said, “No. You. You went after Stefano on your own twelve years ago, you fought your way home five years ago, and in Aremid…Stefano almost kidnapped you, when you were trying to get Tony’s diary. You didn’t have me by your side for any of that.”

“I came home to you,” she whispered. “I got Tony’s diary for you.”

“But, you did it alone, Doc.”

She nodded her head, choked with emotion, and recognized the truth in his words. “John…I would do anything for you,” she said. “But I’m very happy that you’re here with me today. Right now.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he said. “Let’s get this over with.”

“So, we can play another game of backgammon?”

“Is that what we’re calling that?” John asked with a laugh, while knocking on Rene’s door.

Marlena stood behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder, “Do you like playing backgammon with me, John?”

She was driving him mad with her insinuations, and he was just about to tell her so, when the door opened, and Shane stood there, staring at them with questions in his eyes. John schooled his features into a warm smile, and said, “Hey, Shane.”

Philippe Charlebois looked up from where he sat as Marlena and John entered the room. His eyes became wide, and his face dropped. Marlena looked at him, and he saw the sadness in her eyes, even as she smiled at him so sweetly. He was afraid for himself, and afraid for his family. He’d been informed that Stefano’s body was missing. Why would he speak now, tell what he knows, and risk the murder of his entire extended family?

Marlena sat down across from Dr. Charlebois, “Hello, doctor.”

“Marlena,” he said quietly. He noted her fresh face, and the way her curls framed her jaw. “You look well.”

“I’m…better now,” she said softly. 

“I know why they brought you here,” he told her. “But, you must know, I can’t risk it. I can’t say anything. Not when the possibility of death for my family looms over my head.”

“I thought you might say that,” she told him, reaching for his hand. “I didn’t come here to force you to tell them what you know. If I were in your situation, I would do whatever I could to save my family. I came, because I wanted to thank you. I wanted to thank you for your kindness when Stefano broke my arm.”

Philippe sat there, consumed with guilt, “Sometimes, when a man threatens to kill your grandchildren, you do things you find morally reprehensible.” Marlena waited. She knew this was leading somewhere. “Stefano demanded that I report the entirety of our conversations…even the portions which you thought confidential. I told him everything. I am ashamed for that.”

She stared at him for a moment, processing what he was telling her, “Everything?”

“Yes,” he said softly, looking down, unable to meet her gaze.

“He knew about my request for the birth control?” she asked him carefully, with a growing sense of fear.

Dr. Charlebois looked up, meeting her eyes, “Yes.”

Marlena’s voice shook as she asked him, “I feared he would rape me. I told you that. You gave me an injection. What did you give me?”

Philippe looked away again, meeting the steely blue gaze of a man he didn’t recognize, and he looked down at his hands. Finally he met Marlena’s hazel eyes, and he said, “I was instructed to give you vitamin D. Stefano was concerned that the lack of sunlight might be causing a deficiency, which could affect your mood.”

“Vitamin D?” she asked in a panic. Her heart was racing, and her chest was tight. She felt bile rise in her throat as memories assaulted her. She’d begged Dr. Charlebois for birth control, and ultimately it didn’t matter. The other side of the coin, she and John had been making love whenever the mood struck them for the past two days. She’d told him she wouldn’t get pregnant. She’d been convinced that she wouldn’t get pregnant, and now, she very likely could be. She turned to John, with a look of complete devastation on her face, and she said, “I need to leave. Now. I can’t be here anymore.”

John hadn’t heard much of their conversation, which was spoken in whispers and low tones, but the doctor had said something that caused Marlena’s skin to go pale. He reached for her hand, “Sure, Doc. We can go. We can go now.” Looking towards Abe, Shane, and Rene, he told them, “You know where to find us.”

She cried quietly, resting against him in the car on the way to the hotel. He tried a few times to see if she wanted to talk. She finally said very softly, “When we get home.”

Home. The hotel wasn’t home, but it certainly felt like home. 

As soon as they entered their suite, John spun her to face him, “Please, tell me what happened back there.”

She’d been holding her emotions in tight control for the past twenty minutes. A sob tore from her, and she gasped, “I asked Dr. Charlebois…no, I begged him for birth control, because I knew—I knew that eventually Stefano would tire of waiting for me, and he would rape me. He would take what he wanted without regard for me. I was so scared, John. So scared that he would rape me, and I’d end up pregnant. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the thought of Stefano’s child growing within my body! I thought the doctor…he was supposed to—” Her breathing kept coming in heaving gasps, and she said, “The doctor said, he would do it. He would give me the shot of Depo-Provera that I had asked for! He promised! He promised!”

John allowed the information to sink in, and he said, “He didn’t, did he?”

“No! Stefano has that man so afraid, that he would lie to me. He would lie to me, and allow me to think that Stefano might rape me, but I was protected. I wasn’t protected! I wasn’t! And that leaves me feeling so vulnerable, so fragile, because, what if—what if…”

John pulled her close as her voice trailed off on another sob, “I got you, Doc. I’ve got you now, and Stefano…he wasn’t able to…”

She sobbed even louder, feeling as if her heart was being wrenched from her body, as memories, and pain washed over her. Her fingers pulled at his shirt, and she pulled him closer, choking out, “He did…he did rape me…and now—and now I could be—John!”

Her cry tore his soul. John lifted her, curling into the corner of the couch with her body. He wanted to shout in rage. He wanted to break things, and if Stefano DiMera wasn’t dead, he would make sure that he was. His heart broke in an instant. Stefano had raped her, and she never said a word. She’d kept it to herself. John held her for a long time, allowing her to sob out what she’d been holding in the whole time. He waited for her to speak, and he knew what she was afraid of, what she feared…but this was her story, and her choice whether she wanted to share that.

Marlena was exhausted, and even as she settled, and her sobs grew less frequent, she still heaved, and an occasional cry would escape her lips. John’s scent surrounded her, and it was the only thing that could comfort her. 

When John rescued her, killing Stefano, she’d decided to wait until they returned to Salem to tell him about the rape. She wanted time with him, time that wasn’t tainted with the memories of the horror inflicted on her, but in a single instant her world turned upside down. Dr. Charlebois’s softly spoken confession was going to destroy her.

Marlena stared at the wall vacantly, still crying quietly, “Dr. Charlebois…I begged him, John…I begged him to give me birth control. I—I thought he did. It was the only…the only reassurance I had, that no matter what Stefano did to my body he—he wouldn’t be able to—he couldn’t get me…” Her breathing picked up, as she felt the panic start to take over again, and she gasped, “If I’m pregnant…oh, G-d! I can’t keep it…I won’t be able to keep it…”

John finally croaked out, barely able to speak for the pain he was feeling for her, “When? When did he do this?”

“Five days ago. Dr. Charlebois said, Stefano instructed him to give me vitamin D. He never gave me—”

“—When was your last period?” John asked her softly. “Is there a way to know if you might be pregnant?”

Marlena was quiet, and she finally said, “I lost track of time when he had me. I was so depressed…and then, I wanted to die without you. After what he’d done to me, and without you, what was the point?” She paused, and then told him, “Maybe two weeks, three weeks ago? He did it on purpose. He knew, he had to have known. He had staff taking the trash from that damned cage he kept me in. They would know, and he timed raping me with…oh, G-d!”

“Doc, sit up, Baby. Look at me,” he said gently, lifting her body, and turning her. “If you’re pregnant…if you’re pregnant…it could be mine.”

Marlena looked at him, and he had never seen so much hope in someone’s eyes, as she repeated him, “It could be yours?”

“If…and that’s a big if, Doc…if you’re pregnant—”

She whispered, “It could be your baby…”

He wiped tears from her cheeks, gently, “It could be…but we don’t know yet. You don’t know. How soon could you know?”

“A—a blood test can confirm pregnancy within 7 to 12 days.”

“And how would they determine who the father is?”

“The same way I did Belle’s…except I don’t trust that it wouldn’t be tampered with,” she said. “There’s no way to know, if I can’t trust that Stefano’s people haven’t—”

“—what if Shane had the ISA labs run it?”

Marlena was quiet, and then said, “I would trust that if…if no one knew. No one but you, myself, and Shane…because if I was pregnant, and the child was Stefano’s, I would get an abortion. I couldn’t—” 

She started to cry again, and John’s hands cupped her face, “I wouldn’t expect you to. No one would ever expect that.”

Her eyes were swollen, but held hope, “Maybe I’m not pregnant…and if I was, he only—he only…raped me one time…you and I—”

“—We’ve made love seven times, Marlena. Seven times,” he told her. “We can hope that you aren’t pregnant, but if you are…chances are, it’s mine.”

“I could get a blood test before we leave Paris,” she whispered, trying to gather her thoughts.

“No matter what,” he said, “…look at me, Doc…” Marlena’s hazel eyes locked with his dark blue ones, and he said, “No matter what, I will be with you. I will get you through this.”

Chapter 24

My heart beats your blood

Your breath fills my lungs

Your heart beats my blood

My breath fills your lungs

Breathe – Maria McKee

Marlena ran her fingers through the hair on John’s chest with a gentle touch, soaking in his warmth. She was content to have him hold her in his arms. She hadn’t spoken of the rape or what Stefano had done to her, and she recognized, as much as John wanted to know, he respected her space. She would tell him when she was ready to tell him, and in the meantime, he would be there in whatever capacity she needed. The moonlight streamed into the room, casting a soft glow across the carpeted floor. John’s voice rumbled in her ear, when he said softly, “If we find out you’re pregnant…I think you should have an abortion. You shouldn’t wait to find out if it’s mine.”

“Why?” she whispered.

John’s fingers brushed over her shoulder, “It’s too much for you…emotionally. It’s too much to leave you pregnant, and wondering for two and a half months if the baby might be Stefano’s. I can’t imagine the helplessness you might feel. An amniocentesis can’t be performed until at least three months. The stress, the worry…you’ll be scared to bond with it, and you’ll be heartbroken if…”

Marlena knew he was trying to save her from possible pain. He was trying to help her understand that he supported whatever decision she made, and she loved him even more for it. “I can’t think about it, John. Not until I know for sure if I’m even pregnant. I can’t dwell on it now…I’ll think about it…if I am pregnant, but not right now,” she said, kissing his neck with the barest whisper of her lips on his skin. “Not right now, John,” she whispered rolling her hips against him.

He felt his body responding. With her it was always so fast. “I don’t have condoms, Doc,” he told her with a groan, feeling her hand skim down his abdomen. “We can’t—”

Marlena’s hand started pushing his sweatpants down, and she kissed his neck again, “John…please…”

Rolling her onto her back, John kissed her, biting at her lips, and growling low in his throat, “No. Not tonight…tomorrow…tomorrow, I’ll get condoms.” His forehead rested on hers, and he whispered, “I don’t want to add to your pain. I don’t want to hurt you…you might not be pregnant, but I can’t…I won’t make love to you again without a condom, because if I do, you could get pregnant…I won’t do that to you.”

Her hips rolled against him again, and she whispered, “Okay.”

John chuckled, “You say, okay, Doc…but it still seems to me, like you’re trying to play backgammon.”

Marlena started laughing, “G-d, I love you.”

He stared down into her eyes, “I love you, too, Baby.” Fingers still played along the waistband of John’s sweatpants, and he reached for her hand, pulling it up to his chest, “Tomorrow morning, first thing, I’ll go to the store…but, we’re not making love tonight, Doc. No backgammon.”

Marlena laughed again, smiling up at him, “You’ll go in the morning?”

“Fuck, yes,” he told her. 

Her fingers pinched his nipple making him groan, and she asked, “You promise?”

“Oh yeah, Baby…I promise. Backgammon in the morning.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Wilhelm Rolf stared at the three prisms, and the prone form of Stefano DiMera. He wasn’t even sure this was going to work. Setting the pulse level on the laser, he aimed it at the center of the crystals, muttering, “I hope this verks.”

Four years earlier, Stefano had located two of the prisms, the third was lost at the bottom of the Atlantic in an undisclosed location. It would never be found, and without it, the prisms would never work. Stefano had somehow managed to get the original notes belonging to Victor Chorvat, and Rolf had recreated the third prism, without the detonation/explosion factor. It was untested, and Rolf had never planned to use Stefano as his first test subject, yet here he was.

He had done his best to repair the damage to Stefano’s forehead, removing the bullet, fixing the skull fracture, and sewing up the entrance hole, but there would be a scar that was permanent. Stefano was rather vain, and would likely blame him for his lack of skills. Rolf was more of a mad scientist, he was not a cosmetic surgeon.

Sometimes he wondered why he worked for this family. The DiMera’s did nothing but verbally abuse him, but the money kept him in the business of experimentation, so he tolerated it. Flipping the switch on the laser, it began to pulse, beaming directly on the prisms, which then sent a concentrated beam into Stefano’s chest. Having never seen it work, Rolf wasn’t sure it was doing anything. Maybe the whole attempt would end in failure, and Kristen would verbally berate him over the telephone again. 

Rolf sighed. She should be happy that he’d found that weird, Elvis loving freak, Susan Banks, and convinced her to hand over her child. Rolf smiled to himself, thinking about that poor woman locked in Kristen’s wine cellar while the people of Salem were none the wiser. The monitors hooked to Stefano’s body still showed no signs of life, and Rolf muttered, “How long do I vait for this to verk?”

If he let the laser go much longer, he’d likely start cooking Stefano’s body from the inside out. Just as he was about to turn the switch off, a short beep sounded on the monitor. A few seconds later, another beep followed. Rolf watched in rapt fascination as the beeps became more frequent, and closer together, but it was when Stefano’s eyes fluttered open, and stared into his that Rolf screamed, “It verked! You’re alive!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Listen, Lucas,” Sami said, sitting at a corner table in her grandparents pub. “I’m telling you that Kristen is a snake. She’s up to something, and she’s hiding something in the wine cellar!”

Lucas sighed in frustration, “Sami! We have been over that wine cellar three separate times. There’s nothing there!”

“No. No! I refuse to believe that!” Sami insisted. “I’m telling you, she’s spending way too much time down there. Something is going on, and yesterday…yesterday she was screaming at someone on the phone saying they’d ‘better fucking figure it out’. Come on, Lucas, you’ve got to believe me! I’m not crazy!”

Lucas stared into Sami’s intense baby blue eyes, and nearly drowned. He was so in love with her, he thought it might end him completely, so he continued to help her in this misguided quest to prove that Kristen DiMera was in fact the biggest liar to walk the planet. “Look, Sami…we have the tea cup, a notebook full of odd behavior and assumptions, and she’s hanging out in the wine cellar a lot. That’s not enough to get John or Abe to believe you.”

“Well then, Lucas, we just have to work harder.”

Lucas had a sinking feeling, she was going to pull him deeper into her plots, “We?”

Sami smiled, making his heart flutter and she said, “That’s a fact.”

Roman saw Sami and Lucas from across the room when he entered the pub. He approached his daughter, and said, “Sami, can I speak with you?”

She looked at Roman, her eyes icy with rage, “No. I have nothing to say to you after what you tried to do.”

“Sami, I need to explain what happened. You need to hear me out,” Roman told her.

“I don’t need to hear anything. Mom’s going to be home on Wednesday. Explain it to her, because she’s going to kick your ass,” Sami hissed. “I told you! Belle isn’t yours!”

“Until I know that for sure, she is! I want my daughter,” Roman said.

“So, even after I told you that John’s her father, and even after I showed you the DNA test yesterday, you still went to Mickey today, to try and sue for custody? You’ve been gone for two years! Belle doesn’t even know you! She knows her Poppy!” Sami roared. “But you know that, don’t you? I know you do. I can see it in your eyes, and this…this attempt to take custody of Belle away from Mom…she’s going to hate you forever. If she doesn’t already.”

“Samantha Gene!” Caroline yelled, coming out of the kitchen. “I don’t care how angry you are at your father, you will not speak to him like that!”

Sami looked down, and then she looked back towards Roman defiantly, “You are not my father. You never have been. Don’t try to start now.” Reaching for Lucas’s hand, she laced her fingers in his, and said, “Come on, I need to get Belle and Brady home.”

Sami pulled Lucas by his hand, and went into the back hallway, which led into her grandparents house. Belle and Brady looked up from the couch where they sat with Shawn, and Brady yelled, “Sami!”

Sami lifted the boy into her arms, “Hey, Rash…you ready to go home?”

Brady hugged her tightly, and said, “I miss my Mama. When she comin’ again?”

“A few days,” Sami said softly.

“And Poppy?” Belle asked, standing up on the couch, nearly falling over. “Poppy come home?”

“Yes, Belle, your Poppy is coming home, too,” Sami said. Placing Brady on the floor she said, “Go get your shoes, Brady.”

Belle reached for Sami, patting her face, and said with a soft little voice, “I miss my Poppy Daddy.”

Shawn watched Sami’s interactions with her younger siblings, and marveled over the change in her over the last few months. Marlena’s kidnapping had somehow allowed Sami to forgive John and her mother for their affair. But Shawn also knew that John’s refusal to give up on the girl, no matter how angry or hurtful she was, had a significant impact as well. Finding out that Sami had changed Belle’s blood test was a shock to the whole family. Shawn and Caroline had decided to respect John’s request to let it lie until Marlena came home.

Sami left with the children and Roman watched from the corner of the room, standing in the shadows. He knew he’d lost everything. His cowardice and refusal to face Marlena’s affair, had led to this. His absence had allowed John to walk back into their lives, and now that it was known that John was Belle’s father, Roman knew the man was never leaving.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Kristen pulled her dress high, and tore the velcro from the pregnancy pillow she was forced to wear. She’d lost the baby a week ago, and she still mourned the child, while also mourning her father. She was furious, as she hissed into the phone, “Did it work or didn’t it?”

“Vell, you see, it verked…but then, it didn’t verk,” Rolf said. 

“What the fuck does that mean?” she screamed.

“The machines, they picked up a heart beat, and the eyes, they opened, but it was short term. Ven the laser is turned off, everything is finished, and Stefano is dead again. It does not verk.”

Kristen started crying, “You fucking lied to me, Rolf! You said you could do this—”

“—I never said that!” Rolf cried. “I said that Stefano had me verking on a prototype. That means nothing! I have a hundred prototypes!”

“I thought…I thought, I’d have him back!” she sobbed. “Now it feels like he’s died all over again!”

“I’m sorry! I did not have enough time…or maybe it must be done soon after death, not days later. It’s possible that a bullet to the brain can not be repaired enough for the prisms to work,” Rolf told her. 

“Bury him,” Kristen said shortly, wiping her eyes quickly. “Bury him on his island in the Caribbean. He…loved it there.”

Rolf told her, “I vill do that.”

After Kristen hung up, Rolf looked at Stefano’s body and he wondered, could the prisms bring him to life long enough to map his mind? Rolf smiled, if that were possible, maybe Stefano could live again…in a different body. 

Sami sat in her room in the DiMera mansion and scribbled furiously in her notepad. Muttering under her breath, she said aloud, “Have him back? Have who back? Stefano? He’s dead…but then who is she having buried on a Caribbean island?” She continued to take notes on every detail of the conversation she had overheard. Hearing only one side of things was frustrating. Sami groaned, “I am so confused.”

Chapter 25

**Trigger Warning: Discussion of rape**

I wish I were a poet, so I could express

What I’d, what I’d like to say, yeah

I wish I were an artist, so I could paint a picture

Of how I feel, of how I feel today

(You Don’t Know) How Glad I Am – Maria McKee

Marlena woke in a panic, still able to feel Stefano’s fingers as they pushed her thighs open. She could still hear his whispered attempt at seduction, as he spoke to her about the beauty of her body, and she could still feel the tears that trailed down her cheeks. Marlena’s fingers touched her face gingerly, realizing that those tears…those tears were real. Her breathing was frenzied, and she found herself fighting to calm herself down. Marlena pushed her sweaty hair from her forehead, and tried to calm her breathing, intent on not waking John. She couldn’t wake him up. The bile was rising up in her throat, and she hastily shoved the blankets aside, and ran for the bathroom, violently vomiting the contents of her dinner up into the toilet bowl. 

Unsure of how long she’d been curled around the basin, Marlena stood up. She washed her face with cool water, and brushed her teeth, finally curling herself in the corner of the bathroom floor when the first sob broke free of her chest. The constant pretending, and pushing back of the memories was exhausting, and now that she’d told John, she couldn’t stop the flood. Memories crashed over her in waves, breaking her down slowly, like erosion on a beach. She cried out, and clapped her palm over her own mouth trying to keep quiet, but it was too late. Looking up, she saw his outline standing in the bathroom doorway, and within seconds he was beside her on the floor, lifting her into his arms. 

He didn’t say anything. No words of comfort. No calm reassurances. No questions. But she felt his tears on her neck, and she knew hers flowed over his arms as he held her tightly. Her body had been tight, poised to flee since she’d awoken, and in a moment, with John’s reassuring presence, she relaxed into him. 

  After nearly a half hour of silence, Marlena started speaking softly, “He thought I was asleep, because he had the staff giving me sleeping pills every night, but…I wasn’t taking them. I was hiding them. I woke up, and he was standing over me…my blankets had been pushed towards my feet, and my nightgown was tangled around my waist. He… was touching me.”

John’s throat was thick, and he felt tears welling in his eyes again, “Doc…you don’t have to talk about this if you’re not ready.”

“I have to talk about it. I have to. If I don’t, it’s going to destroy me,” she whispered. She was silent for a moment, the only sound in the large bathroom was the sound of their breathing. Marlena whispered, “I knew. I knew what was going to happen. Stefano was…he was naked. Of course, I knew. But, I was frozen. I couldn’t move. I was afraid to run…that doesn’t make sense…”

John’s fingers softly stroked her face, “It does, Doc. It does. Sometimes when we panic, that can happen.”

“And when I remember it,” she said quietly, resting her face against John’s neck, and curling her hand into a fist against his chest. “It’s like I wasn’t even there. Not really. I see Stefano standing over me, rubbing himself to stay hard. I see his hands on me…pushing my legs apart, and touching my most private places, but it’s as if I’m not there. I couldn’t move. I remember it like it happened to someone else. I know…I know that’s disassociation. It’s a trauma response. I know that, but…but it was me.”

John choked on his tears, unsure of what he could say or do to help her with this pain she was feeling, “Doc…”

“He—he got angry. I wasn’t responding the way he wanted. I wasn’t getting wet…I wasn’t reacting at all. I just laid there,” she cried softly. “I just laid there, and pretended I was somewhere else. I pretended it was happening to someone else, because I couldn’t accept that it was happening to me. I was going to kill myself…I wanted to die, because death would be a relief, and then you found me…”

“I wish you’d told me that first night,” John whispered, “I failed you so badly…and then we made love, so soon after…” John continued to stroke her, and said, “I wouldn’t have made love to you—”

“—no…I needed you,” she whispered. “I needed you to remind me what it feels like to be loved. You didn’t fail me,” she said, turning in his arms to look at him. “That house in Salem…is Stefano’s house. The staff there…probably threatened, bribed, or already on his payroll, not Kristen’s. I’ve had so much time to think about this John…I spent hours in that damned cage with nothing else to do, but think about it. Stefano has ways we will never understand. I don’t blame you. I could never blame you.”

“I blame myself,” he told her. John touched her face gently, trailing his fingers over her eyebrows, and wiping the tears from her cheeks gently. He thought about the DiMera Mansion, and how he’d carelessly moved his family into it. No matter what Marlena said, he felt as if he hadn’t thought it through completely. He felt as if he’d underestimated Stefano obsession with her, and Marlena had paid the price. They had less than three days left in Paris, and when they returned to Salem, she was going to walk away from him for six months. Just four days together, and John couldn’t imagine his day to day life without her, “I don’t know how I’m going to go home to Salem, and find a way to force myself to stay away from you.”

Marlena rested her face on his heated skin, skimming her fingers across it, “It’s going to be so lonely.”

“I won’t be able to do it, Doc. I’ll try…for you, and because I know you’re right, an ongoing affair would be disrespectful to Kristen…it would hurt her so much, if she found out, but staying away from you…” He took a deep sigh, and he said, “I’ll try.”

Marlena kissed John’s neck softly, “Take me back to bed.”

He lifted her body, taking her carefully back to bed. Marlena wrapped herself around him, exhausted emotionally and physically. Just before she drifted off to sleep, she whispered, “I think Plato and Aristophanes were right. You are my other half.”

John laid awake for hours, listening to Marlena’s soft breathing. Prior to Paris, his memories of his time with Marlena were removed by time, space, and his constant refusal to face them. They were faded, and less intense. Now…now, after less than a week, they were fresh, intense, and overwhelming. He wasn’t sure he would be able to stay away from her, when the draw was so strong.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sami was exhausted. She’d decided to hide in the wine cellar all night, because she was determined to find out what Kristen was up to. It was a bad idea. Her butt was sore, and she was cold. She was just about to give up when she heard footsteps on the stairs, and the crinkle of paper. Sami stayed where she was, and listened. It was all she could do. If she tried to see what was happening she would reveal herself, so she stayed huddled on the floor behind a stack of wooden crates.

“Here,” Kristen said haughtily. “Although I have no idea why anyone would eat this. It’s disgusting.”

“That’s Elvis Presley’s favorite sandwich. It sure is,” another female voice said loudly.

“Shhhh! For G-d’s sake, Susan, keep it down,” Kristen hissed.

“You sure are a nice lady, Kristen, and a good friend…hiding me here so that mean ‘ole evil Elvis don’t find me,” Susan said. “And it’s a real nice room you got me in. Real nice.”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” Kristen replied sarcastically. 

“I am. I really, really, am,” Susan replied. “It’s like, I’m on vacation. I just get to relax, and watch television, and take naps, and draw pictures, and me and Lisa Marie, we could chat for hours—”

“—That’s nice,” Kristen said abruptly, cutting Susan off. “I’ve got to go. I’ll come back when it’s lunch time.”

Sami heard a click, and then the sound of wooden blocks being shuffled, before Kristen quietly went back upstairs. Standing up, Sami stretched her back, and stared at the wall of wine bottles. She was determined to figure this out. She had too. There was a secret room down here, and Kristen was hiding someone named Susan in it. Under her breath Sami muttered, “What the actual fuck?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John tossed the paper bag containing condoms on the table beside the bed, and pulled his sweatshirt over his head, dropping it to the carpet beside his feet. As he unbuttoned his jeans, he almost groaned at the relief. His cock had been half hard for the past hour. He watched Marlena sleep and felt a sharp tug at his heart. She was his. He had no faith in himself when he thought about their return to Salem. It was as if he’d never loved Kristen at all, but John felt like, he’d had to love her to marry her, didn’t he? A bigger issue, was the fact that what drove him towards Kristen with such desperation, such a need to find that connection…was his running from Marlena.

He’d been warned repeatedly by Abe, and John had ignored him. Abe told him he was moving too fast with Kristen. After Aremid, when John finally faced that he was still in love with Marlena, Abe had warned him again. He should have faced it. Instead he ran away from his emotions. Partially in fear of what their last affair had done to Marlena’s life, but then he also struggled with his own moral code. He was married, and his wife was pregnant. Aremid was hard to reconcile. When John had needed Kristen the most, she’d abandoned him, believed the lies constructed by Tony, and reinforced by Stefano. John had grown closer to Marlena, depending on her for friendship, and support, while dreaming of her every night.

Pushing his jeans over his hips, and to the floor, John pulled back the blankets, and slid back into the bed beside Marlena. She turned to face him, running her palm up his chest and murmuring, “Mmmm…where did you go?”

John’s fingers made their way up Marlena’s smooth thigh, and John whispered against her lips, “I think you know where I went, Doc.”

“I do?” she whispered teasingly, dragging her fingernails along his spine.

John arched into her touch, and growled, “You do.”

“What time is it?” she asked him, wrapping her leg around John’s thigh, and rolling her hips into him.

Pushing her hair to the side, he said, “About 8:30 am.” He kissed her neck softly, biting at her tender flesh.

“Shouldn’t we get up? We have to meet Abe in an hour,” Marlena said.

John licked his way over her collarbone, unbuttoning her satin pajama top as he made his way toward her breasts, “How long do you need to get ready?”

Marlena gasped, bucking against him, “Oh! A half hour I guess…”

John’s teeth nipped at her nipple, pulling on it gently, and then he said, “I only need twenty five minutes to make you see stars, Doc.”

He spread the fabric of Marlena’s top open, baring her breasts to the early morning sunlight, and his fingers tangled in her panties pulling them over her hips roughly. “Spread those beautiful legs for me, Doc.”

Her pussy clenched at his words, and she rolled onto her back, watching as John licked and bit his way down her abdomen. His mouth sucked at the sensitive skin along her inner thigh, and when his tongue flicked over her clit, Marlena cried out, “John! Oh my G-d!”

Chapter 26

And I couldn’t have weathered

This most tempestuous of seasons on my own

If I hadn’t been tethered

To you unknowableness

I would have blown away so long long ago

I Should Have Looked Away – Maria McKee

John sighed in frustration running his fingers through his hair, “Look, Kristen. The house isn’t safe. Stefano knows every secret passage in the place. There are probably secret rooms in that place that we don’t know about! Doc and the kids can’t stay there, and until the ISA manages to locate Stefano’s body, I can’t be sure that he’s not still out there trying to kidnap, Doc!”

“So, you’re asking me to leave my home?” Kristen nearly screeched. “You want me to move with you, Marlena and the kids into a different house?”

“I know it’s a lot to ask. I know that,” John said. “But your father—”

“—If the ISA is providing security, why do you need to be with her? Let the ISA do their job, John! Marlena isn’t your responsibility.”

She was, but he wasn’t going to say that. Instead he told her, “But my children are! Sami, and Belle, are my responsibility.”

“No!” Kristen cried. “Sami is Roman’s responsibility, and he’s—he’s home now, so you don’t need to worry about Sami.”

John was quiet for a long time, and Kristen knew immediately that she’d made a mistake. He said softly, “Sami is my daughter. She will always, always, be my daughter, Kristen. You know that! I’m her Daddy. I raised her.”

“I know. I know,” she said softly, trying to remember who she was supposed to be. “I’m sorry. I’m very stressed about the baby, and not feeling well. The idea of moving is overwhelming…if you think it’s best…I understand that. I do. But a move right now, with my pregnancy being so fragile, John, I can’t risk it. You do what you need to do, to keep Marlena and the children safe, but I can’t be a part of that.” Kristen wanted to scream, and regretted her decision to have Rolf steal her fathers body from the ISA. The prisms hadn’t worked and now John was a mess, worried that Stefano might somehow be alive. Kristen thought, maybe she should have Rolf drop the body somewhere, but then she felt immediately guilty for the disrespect.

This conversation wasn’t going the way he’d planned. John had expected Kristen to go along with his plan. She usually did. Marlena had told him, after their meeting with Abe and Shane, that asking Kristen to move would be expecting too much from her. Marlena was right. 

Marlena watched as John grew progressively frustrated. She could hear Kristen’s voice rising, but she was unable to make out what the other woman was saying. John was torn. She knew that. He was torn between her, and the girls, and his obligation to his wife and unborn child. She wanted to lessen that.

“Kristen,” John started to say, but then Marlena put her hand on his arm softly. “Hold on, Kristen. Hold on.” John covered the receiver, and said, “Yeah, Doc?”

“John, the ISA is providing security. Shane will be there. You need to focus on Kristen,” Marlena said. “You need to make sure that the baby is healthy. She needs you right now.”

John wanted to argue, “Doc—”

“—John, you know I’m right,” she told him. “You know that.”

He did know that, but the pull to stay with her, and protect her, himself, personally, was so strong. His eyes were locked on hers, as he absorbed the heat of her palm on his arm. He finally nodded in acknowledgement, and then said to Kristen, “Marlena just reminded me that Shane will be there as well. So maybe I can be with them during the day, and with you in the evenings.”

Kristen smiled, and then remembered her fake pregnancy. Shit. John was going to want to touch her belly, and feel the baby, and sleep with his arms around her. “Why don’t we discuss it when you get home, honey? I know you would be less anxious if you did the evening shifts. I know that was when my father always tried to take her…in the middle of the night.”

John sighed, finally feeling like Kristen was understanding where he was coming from, and how real his fear was, “Yeah, Kristen. We’ll do that, and I—I really appreciate you being so understanding.”

“Where are you moving them?” Kristen asked sweetly, wondering which house in Salem would be home to Marlena and her brats.

“I can’t say right now. It’s top secret—”

“—John, I’m your wife,” Kristen said, pretending to be hurt.

“I know, but we simply can’t risk it,” John told her. “The ISA is prepping the house as we speak, and no one can know the location until we have officers there, and the family is moved in.”

Kristen nearly snarled with rage. Nothing was going the way she’d planned, and Sami was becoming even more of a nuisance than usual. Last night she’d told the cook that Kristen was craving breakfast for dinner, which was the most ridiculous thing Kristen had ever heard. Brady and Belle had screeched in joy to be fed pancakes for dinner, and all Kristen could think about was the amount of carbs staring her in the face. One thing she looked forward to with John and Marlena’s return from Paris, was getting Samantha Gene Brady out of her house. Kristen said sweetly, “Oh, I thought since I’m your wife, I could know—”

“—I’m sorry, Kristen,” John said softly. “No one knows but myself, Abe, Doc, and Shane’s people.”

“I guess, since Stefano is my father…that makes sense—”

“Oh, no! Kristen, that’s not what I meant,” John said. “It’s not specific to you. No one knows, besides the four of us here in Paris, and ISA people hand-picked by Shane.”

Kristen was growing weary of the conversation, and said, “I’m tired, John. I think I need to lie down.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Kristen told him, “I love you.”

John replied, “Sleep well.”

Kristen stared at the phone after John had disconnected the call. Hanging it up violently, she said sarcastically, “Sleep well? What the hell was that? Sleep well?” Kristen knew Marlena had been near John for the whole phone call. She’d been in the same room with him, while he spoke to her. Sleep well? Something was going on with the two of them in Paris, and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. In rage, she picked up a vase, and threw it across the room as she imagined her husband fucking Marlena. She’d slept beside him long enough to know who he was dreaming about. She screeched, tearing the velcro baby pad from her belly, and threw herself onto the bed. 

In the study downstairs, Sami hung up the phone with a grin. Something was going on with John and her Mom. She could feel it. John’s response to his wife’s ‘I love you’ said a million things. However, the thing that stuck with Sami, was John’s insistence that he was her father. He would always love her, and he would always protect her, because he was her Dad. In two days everything was going to change, because her Mom and Dad were coming home.

Sami picked up the telephone, and dialed her best friend, “Lucas, we need to talk.”

“Right now?” he asked her, staring longingly at the turkey sandwich he’d just made himself.

“Yes, right now,” Sami said with a huge grin. “You won’t believe what happened to me last night.”

“Can’t you just tell me over the phone?” he asked her, taking a huge bite of his sandwich.

“Are you crazy?” Sami said loudly. “No. Get over here.”

Across the Atlantic, John looked at Marlena, when she said, “Maybe you could tell Kristen where we’re going to be living—”

“—no, Doc” John said sternly. “No. I have no idea how he got to you the last time. I don’t know what Kristen may have inadvertently said to someone, and I don’t know what staff might have overheard, and reported to Stefano. No. Kristen can’t know anything, until all safety measures are put in place, and the family is moved in.”

“I still think that the house Shane selected is too large for me, and the girls,” Marlena said, settling into the couch with a cup of hot tea.

“Brady, too, Doc,” John said. “Plus Shane…or me, depending…”

“Brady?”

“Stefano is obsessed with you, but I think, right now…anyone connected to me could be a potential target,” John said. “I want Brady safe.”

“John, you’re starting to sound paranoid,” Marlena said, with a laugh. “All we know is that Stefano’s body is missing. We don’t even know if someone in his organization had the prisms.”

“I won’t make mistakes this time, Doc! I won’t underestimate what could happen because it sounds far-fetched or impossible. I won’t. So, Brady stays with you,” he said firmly. “You still have legal custody anyway—”

Marlena looked at John in surprise, “—I do? I thought that was temporary, something you did because of…well, because of what happened with Kristen in Aremid?”

“I never got around to changing it,” he said with a shrug. “I can…when we get back. I can change it.”

Marlena was silent for a long time, and John watched her carefully. She looked up at him, and said, “I wish…you know what? Never mind.” Marlena stood up, placing her teacup on the table, and as she walked by John, he tugged her hand, pulling her back.

“Doc.”

“It’s nothing,” she whispered.

John pulled her closer, “It’s something.”

“Maybe…maybe someday, but not right now,” she said.

John’s fingers reached for her face, gently tipping it up so that she looked at him, “Talk to me. Please.”

“I want him,” she said softly. “I want him to call me Mama. I want to be his mother.”

“You are,” he whispered. “When Isabella died, you stepped in. You know you did, and when Roman left, Brady spent even more time with you. You’re his mother. I’ve heard him call you Mama.”

Marlena smiled, “He does, doesn’t he?”

“You are his mother, Doc,” John told her softly. “Don’t doubt that.”

“So maybe someday, we could make that official?” she said. She felt guilty for even suggesting that they plan a future when their present was so unsettled. “Maybe someday…”

“We could,” John told her. “We could make it official.”

Chapter 27

Everything planned out

None of it panned out

I could have mauled it straight to the top

If I kept my fangs out

High Dive – Maria McKee

Abe had returned to Salem after his meeting with Shane, John, and Marlena about the property they would be moving Marlena and the children to. He was tired, and he’d been sitting at his desk for hours looking over files to catch himself up on work he’d missed in the time he was away. He looked to see the whirlwind that was known as Samantha Gene Brady breeze into his office. Her bright blue eyes were shining, as she flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “Uncle Abe!” she said excitedly. “We need to talk. Now, if you can. ” She placed a notebook, and a ziplock bag with a teacup on his desk abruptly, and stared at him with wide eyes.

He grinned at her, placing his files to the side, “We do?”

“Yes,” she said, looking over her shoulder. Turning to her friend, she said, “Lucas, shut the door, can ya?”

Lucas closed the door, and came to stand next to Sami, as she said to Abe, “Okay. I’m not crazy. I just wanna say that up front, okay? I’m…not…crazy. That being said, I think Kristen is up to something, and I don’t trust her.”

Abe was surprised. He’d had his own doubts about Kristen, but kept them largely to himself. Especially after her treatment of John in Aremid. She was too easily swayed. Too quick to transfer her loyalty. Abe had never trusted anyone like that. To hear similar concerns coming from Sami, reinforced how he felt, but the fact that it was Sami wasn’t exactly reassuring. He said slowly, “Why don’t you start from the beginning, Sami.”

“You’re going to listen to me?” Sami said in surprise, plopping herself into a hard wooden chair across from Abe’s desk. .

“I am,” Abe told her. “I’m always willing to listen.”

Sami got tears in her eyes, “Really?”

“Really. I’m interested to see what you have to say,” he said looking at the items on his desk with curiosity. “And I feel like you might have evidence to back yourself up. Otherwise, you just put a pile of junk on my desk for no reason. You’ve always been a sharp girl, Sami. So, I’ll listen.”

Sami took a deep sigh, and then said, “When we moved into Kristen’s house.” Turning to Lucas she said, “Lucas, sit down. You’re making me nervous.” Lucas sat down next to her with a wry smirk, and Sami continued, “When we moved into Kristen’s house I realized that she has two sides. The one she shows everybody, and the real one. I was in Stefano’s study one afternoon, and I heard her yelling at someone. She was rude, and swearing. She was very surprised to realize I was in the room.”

Abe laughed, “I’ll bet she was.”

“And when I left, I heard her scream and break a few things. I was curious at first, but then I started a notebook. The notebook was just to keep track of stuff, you know like Dad used to do when he was working a case, to see if there were patterns, and Lucas helped me gather the evidence,” she said. 

“Evidence, huh?” Abe asked her.

“Yeah, so… I have a theory, but…well I haven’t always been the most honest person. No one is going to take me seriously, Uncle Abe. No one! So I’m coming to you, because…I want you to help me prove it…my theory…I mean prove my theory.”

“Your theory?” Abe was immediately suspicious, “Help you prove what exactly?”

Lucas sighed, “This is where she might lose you.”

“Lucas! Please!” Sami said in frustration. “You’re not helping! Okay, so I think Kristen hates my Mom. Really hates her, but she pretends she doesn’t, you see? Maybe, she hates her enough to allow Stefano to kidnap her, and maybe, just maybe, she hates her enough to drug her.”

“Drug her? Sami, Kristen wasn’t at your house the night Marlena was drugged,” Abe told her.

Lucas sat forward, “Not that night, Mr. Carver. The night Stefano took her—”

“—I saw Kristen bring my Mom tea that night,” Sami said. “Here’s the teacup. Can you test it?”

Abe eyed the teacup in the plastic bag, “I could have forensics look at it. You think Kristen drugged Marlena?”

“Yes! Plus, guess what? She suddenly switched doctors about a week ago, and within a day…one day, Uncle Abe, she suddenly has a baby belly! That doesn’t happen! I don’t think so. I think…she lost the baby, and…I think she’s faking her pregnancy.”

“Sami,” Abe said with a smirk. “Don’t you think that’s a little far fetched—”

“—no more far fetched than a guy who spends his life exacting revenge on the Brady’s. A guy who fakes his own death multiple times, and fakes the deaths of other people—”

“—okay,” Abe said. “Okay, what else?”

“Well, this part of her theory is where she really might lose you, Mr. Carver,” Lucas said with a laugh.

“Shut up, Lucas! Shut up!” Sami cried. “I’m right. I know, I’m right!”

Abe watched the two of them with a grin on his face, and he said, “Let me have it.”

“Kristen has a secret room in the wine cellar,” Sami told him. “She has a woman locked in there, named Susan. I can’t figure out how to get into the room, but it’s there. I’ve documented conversations between the two of them. That’s what the notebooks for. I think…I think Susan’s pregnant, and that poor woman has no idea that Kristen is planning to steal her baby.”

Abe stared at Sami as if she might have lost her mind, “Sami…”

“Please! Uncle Abe, please! Take me seriously,” Sami cried. “I need someone to believe me! I can’t prove this on my own, and if I’m right, my Mom is in danger…and my Dad, my Dad is being played for a fool. They’re your best friends!”

It sounded insane. It sounded far fetched in the extreme, but Sami was right, most of the things Stefano DiMera had done were fantastical. Who was to say that Kristen wasn’t just as conniving? Plus, with Stefano’s body missing…what if Kristen was as dangerous as Sami was saying? Abe’s gut had been telling him for awhile that things with Kristen didn’t sit right with him. Looking up at Sami, he said carefully, “We’ll test the cup for drugs. If it’s positive, we’ll go from there, but Sami…you have to listen to me on this, okay?”

“Okay,” she said excitedly.

“We keep this between us,” Abe said, looking between Sami and Lucas. “If a crime is taking place, we have to do an investigation. You have a tendency to—”

“—overreact?” Lucas said.

“Oh, my G-d, Lucas! No I don’t!” Sami said.

Lucas smiled, “You do, but I like you anyway.”

Sami stopped short, staring at him for a moment, and wondered why her stomach was doing weird little flutters. She looked away from Lucas quickly, and held her hand out to Abe, “Okay, Uncle Abe, you’ve got a deal.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

John sat on the floor on a blanket with Marlena while they ate dinner, and looked out over Paris. “You ready to go home tomorrow, Doc?”

Marlena sighed, looking at the city, and the way it was lit up at night, “Yes…and no.”

“I understand that,” he said softly. “I miss the kids. I’m worried about Kristen, and the baby…but staying away from you…that’s going to be hard.”

“You don’t have to stay away completely,” she said. “You can still come around…like you did before.”

“Can I kiss your neck while you wash dishes?”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” she said, with a shy smile.

“Can I run my hands over your ass while you do the laundry? Because, Baby, your ass in a pair of jeans, bent over the washing machine…”

“John…”

“Can I visit you when the kids are at the pub?” he asked her.

Marlena felt her belly flutter, and she said, “We shouldn’t…be alone together too much.”

“But if I did…visit you, because I want to play a board game or two—”

“—I wouldn’t say no,” she whispered, knowing there was no way she would turn him away. “But…out of respect for Kristen, we shouldn’t…play board games.”

He pushed his plate to the side, “But, you wouldn’t say no…to a visit?”

“I don’t think I could,” she said breathlessly. “I might try.”

John crawled over to her, “So, if the kids were at the pub, and I cornered you in the pantry—”

“—the pantry?” she gasped. 

“Oh, yeah, Baby,” he whispered seductively. “This house has a big pantry.”

Marlena looked at him with the most serious, dead pan expression, and whispered, “How do you play backgammon in the pantry?”

John reached for Marlena, pulling her to him roughly. He rolled them to the floor, and laughed, “I swear woman, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. Now take me to the bedroom, and make love to me,” she said.

John glanced around the room, noting the candlelight, and the city lights of Paris, and he said, “What if I want to make love to you right here?”

“Take your shirt off,” she whispered, staring up at him. The light played over the shadows of his face, and Marlena saw his eyes sparkle. John rose up on his knees, and slowly began to unbutton his shirt. She asked him, “Do you remember when we made love on Victor’s plane?”

Marlena’s body pinned underneath him. Her arousal blown eyes staring up at him. The lace edged camisole he wanted to tear from her creamy skin. Of course, he remembered. John’s breath caught in his throat, as he croaked out, “Yes.”

“You looked just like you do now,” she whispered. “I remember my chest was tight, and my breath caught, watching you pull your shirt off of your shoulders. I knew we should stop…but I couldn’t. My body was crying out for yours so loudly there was no way I could stop it.”

“Nothing on this planet could have stopped me that night, Doc,” John told her as he shrugged his shirt off, dropping it beside him. “I had wanted you for weeks…I wasn’t going to stop.”

Marlena touched his face, “We’ve never discussed that night.”

Laying down beside her, John ran his fingers softly over the line of her neck, and he said, “That night gave us Belle. It gave me…you for a brief moment in time, but it also hurt you. Every time I think about it, I feel all of those things, so I try not to think about it.”

“I don’t think those things…well, I think about Belle, and I think about what it felt like to be with you, but I don’t think it ruined my life, John. I don’t. I think maybe we’ve been looking at it wrong,” she said. “That night…I ignored the message I should have taken from it.”

“Message?”

“The message was clear: I loved you. I loved you so much, I couldn’t stay away from you. I felt so much for you, that I compromised my morals, and ultimately ruined my marriage. There’s a message in that, John…and I ignored it.”

“You were scared, Doc.”

“I was, but I shouldn’t have been…” Marlena touched his face softly. “That night was everything to me. I would sometimes lie in bed next to Roman and replay every kiss, every bite.” Her fingers rubbed over John’s lips, and she whispered, “Every thrust of your body…I would remember.”

John felt his cock surging in his pants, creating an uncomfortable constriction. He pictured her damp, sweat covered body sliding along his. He could feel her fingers playing over his chest as he held her close in the aftermath. John groaned, “Doc…”

“I would remember it, and I would wish that Belle was yours.”

“Do you know what you’re doing to me right now?”

“I have never, never…never regretted that night, John. I have only regretted how it ended,” she said softly.

John’s hand slid over the curve of her shoulder, and down her hip. Staring into her eyes, he said, “I want you so bad right now.”

“I’m yours. When ever you want me,” she whispered. John’s fingers began to slowly work the buttons on her blouse, revealing her breasts to him. Marlena stared up at him, and told him softly, “I want your hands on me, your mouth…”

“Fuck, Doc,” John groaned, biting at her neck roughly. “I can’t get enough of you.”

She could feel the sting of his mouth as his lips pulled at the skin over her collarbone, and Marlena panted, “Not my neck…I don’t want…”

John stared into her hazel eyes. They looked amber in the candlelight, and he said, “I will mark your whole body…and the only person who’s going to see it is you. Every time you shower. Every time you change your clothes, you’ll see what my mouth can do to you.”

Soft hazel eyes stared up at him, and Marlena whispered, “Okay.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe stared at the toxicology report in shock, “Fuck. Gamma hydroxybutyric acid…fuck it all to hell!” 

Sami was right. The girl had to be a miniature genius. They’d been confused for weeks about how Stefano had overridden the security system, and managed to get Marlena without them being alerted. He had inside help. If Kristen gave Stefano the security code, if she drugged Marlena prior to Stefano’s arrival…it all made sense, and no one would have suspected her at all. If Sami was right about this, exactly how far fetched was the rest of her theory? 

Abe pulled his cellular phone from his pocket, and called Lucas Robert’s, since Sami had been adamant that he not call her at Kristen’s house. Lucas answered, and Abe said, “Lucas, it’s Abe. The toxicology report came back, and Sami was right. We need to talk.”

Lucas hung up the phone with a huge grin. Maybe the crazy girl he was in love with wasn’t so crazy after all.

Chapter 28

Don’t worry, I won’t do you any harm

My touch is gentle, my body is warm

Lift your head, feel my cool hand on your face

Let me kiss your tears away

I’m Gonna Soothe You – Maria McKee

The doctor left the room, leaving Marlena and John alone. Her pregnancy was confirmed, and John watched her as she almost collapsed in grief. He held her body close as she cried, rubbing his hands over her back in a soothing manner, and whispered, “I’m here for you, Doc. Whatever you want to do…I’m here for you.”

“It—it could be your child,” she replied hopefully. “As much as it kills me thinking it might be Stefano’s…I couldn’t live with myself thinking I’d ended a pregnancy that might be yours.”

“I know that, but…it might be easier to end the pregnancy. I’d support that, if it’s what you wanted to do,” he told her. He was trying to be supportive, as supportive as he could be. He wanted to wait until she was three months pregnant, so that the results of the amniocentesis were in, but John also knew that was because, he wasn’t the one who was pregnant. Marlena had to make this choice, and she had to do it knowing that no matter what, he would stand with her.

Marlena rubbed her cheek across the soft cotton of John’s shirt, and breathed him in, “If it’s your baby…”

“We don’t know for sure,” he said quietly. “It’s your body, Doc. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now.”

“Would you…would you want another baby with me?” she asked, reaching out with her words and trying to get a read on what he was feeling.

“Another child with you…of course, I want that! When I found out Belle was my daughter, as frustrated as I was with Sami…I couldn’t find it in myself to be angry with her. I was so happy. Doc, I’m worried about you. I’m worried about your emotional state, and the state of your body. This isn’t about what I want, Marlena.”

Her hand moved to settle on her abdomen, and she looked up at him tentatively, still trying to feel him out, “I’m going to wait.”

“Are you sure? Doc, that’s at least another two and a half months of not knowing. What Stefano did to you…I can’t begin to fathom how you must be feeling.”

John read the exact moment she decided. Something in her eyes changed, and she said firmly, “I’m—I’m going to wait. In November…we can do the amniocentesis. I’ll decide then, but something inside of me is telling me to wait.”

His fingers stroked her face, and pushed the hair back behind her shoulder. “We’re keeping this quiet until then,” John said, kissing her softly. His hand settled over hers as it rested on her stomach. “No one can know about this. It’s too dangerous. We’ll talk to Shane when we get to Salem, and we’ll get him to have the ISA run the test. No public or private hospitals, okay? We keep this between you, me, and Shane.”

“Yes,” she said. “You, me, and Shane. But what about prenatal care?”

“If we get you the prenatal vitamins, and a small fetal monitor—”

“—that will work,” she said. “I can monitor the baby’s health myself…until we know.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe slid the toxicology report across his desk towards Sami, and Lucas, still wondering how he’d managed to get pulled into a case with two seventeen years olds. He watched Sami’s eyes scan over it, and was impressed when she looked at him, and said, in typical Sami fashion, “Kristen used a damn date rape drug on my Mom? What the fuck!” Abe’s eyebrow lifted as he stared at her, and she said, “Sorry. Sorry, I shouldn’t be cursing…but really?”

Lucas leaned forward, looking at Abe with curious eyes, “What’s the next step, Mr. Carver?”

“I have to get a warrant for Kristen’s phone records,” Abe said. “I have to somehow convince a judge that a pillar of Salem society, a woman who gives hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Horton Center and other local charities, might be committing illegal acts.”

Sami looked doubtful, “How are you going to manage that?”

“The toxicology report is incriminating by itself. I can argue reasonable cause, which I’m sure we can, plus, Kristen’s association with the DiMera’s will likely be enough to create doubt…but remember, Sami, we’re keeping this quiet. If Kristen was in contact with Stefano, we’d see a pattern of calls from France or Paris. Police work is a slow process, but we can’t be impulsive. By the way, Sami,” Abe said with a smile, “that notebook was very well done.”

Sami smiled back, and then looked at Lucas, “And you said it would be useless.”

“On the contrary,” Abe said. “If we can line up Kristen’s phone records with Sami’s notes, we’re one step closer to a search warrant on that house.”

“I still can’t figure out how to open the secret room,” Sami told him, sighing in frustration. “I tried again last night—”

“—I need you to stop that,” Abe said sternly. “I’m not even sure you and the children should be in that house anymore.”

“Abe!” Sami exclaimed. “How are we going to figure out the secret room?”

“If you’re right, Sami, and Kristen has an innocent woman locked in a room in her wine cellar…what do you think might happen to you if she catches you? When people are caught committing crimes, they panic. You could be hurt, or disappear. Stop snooping,” Abe told her. “Stop. It’s dangerous, and you agreed to follow my lead on this. Remember?”

Sami slumped in her chair, and replied sullenly, “Yeah, I remember. Mom and Dad are due back today…well, later tonight. After dinner…” Sami got a mischievous expression on her face, and she said, “I’ll just focus on dinner.”

Abe glanced at Lucas, “Do I want to know what she’s talking about?”

“Probably not,” Lucas told him with a laugh. “Dinner at the DiMera mansion is Sami’s own brand of psychological warfare.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John stood over Marlena, watching her sleep. They’d been in the air for over six hours, and flying on Victor’s plane had John living in memories. Kneeling down before her, he traced his fingers over her brow, and whispered, “Doc, honey…the plane is going to land in about an hour.” 

Her eyes opened, and she smiled at him softly, “Hey, Sailor.”

John returned her smile, “I thought you might like to freshen up before we land.”

She sat up, still drowsy, “I do. Can you hand me my bag?”

Helping her to her feet, he kissed her, saying, “I put it by the door to the restroom.”

Marlena placed her palm on John’s chest, and said, “You are so sweet to me.”

He turned her to face the rear of the plane, and he smacked her butt, “Go.” Marlena threw her head back with laughter as she walked toward the restroom, and John thought again about how much he loved her. She was his perfect partner in friendship, life, and love. She was perfect, and he was married to someone else.

Sitting on the couch, he waited for her to come out, intent on spending their last hour cuddled up. John ran his hand over the supple leather, remembering his time with Marlena on that same couch three years earlier. He felt his cock stirring, and his hand pushed against it, trying to relieve some of the ache.

Marlena watched him from the doorway, “You look uncomfortable.”

He felt the blush rise to his cheeks, “I was just thinking about what we did on this couch.”

She stepped closer, “I was too.”

John reached out, tugging at her fingers, pulling her closer. His hands cupped the back of her legs, and slid up her thighs pushing her skirt up as he went. He murmured, “Maybe I should have woken you sooner.”

“John, there is an ISA agent in the cockpit that could come back here at any moment,” she said.

“I told him to stay there. I don’t want to see him until we land,” he told her gruffly as his hands slid higher. The lace of her stockings was rough on his palms, making his body tremble with want. John’s fingers traced over where her thigh met the curve of her ass, and he sighed, closing his eyes briefly. Wrapping his hands around the backs of her thighs, they sank between her legs, and John’s eyes widened, “Doc…fuck…Doc, you’re not wearing any panties? Where are they?”

“I took them off,” she whispered, tossing a pair of lacy green bikini briefs onto the couch next to him. 

John stared at them for a moment, and pushed his fingers deeper between her legs, encountering slippery heat. She’d worn a skirt on purpose. He said, “Lift your skirt for me.” Marlena slowly lifted the front of her skirt, revealing herself to John. His eyes were riveted, and he pulled her closer, rasping, “Spread your legs for me.”

Marlena widened her legs, and laced her fingers into his hair, whispering, “Taste me.”

“Yes,” he groaned, long and low. He couldn’t hold back. Looping his arm around her waist he lifted Marlena’s body, and rolled her onto the couch. She whined softly, when his mouth latched onto her pussy. There was no preamble, no build-up, and no teasing. He lapped over her sex aggressively, sucking at her moist folds, and biting at her plump lips. The sounds she was making were enough to make him come by themselves. Marveling at how wet she could get in an instant, John lapped at her enthusiastically.

“Fuck, Baby,” he said, sucking at the tender flesh of her inner thigh. “Fuck, you taste so good.” His mouth devoured her, sucking and nipping at her sensitive skin. Marlena’s orgasm came quickly, and rolled through her, causing her back to arch. She pushed her hips into his face, and her fingers grasped his hair, pulling it. John’s cock got even harder. 

“John! John, I need more!” she whined softly. “Please!”

Marlena’s fingers tugged at his hair, pulling his mouth up towards hers, and she began to lick over his lips, tasting her own flavor on his mouth. John pulled back, breathing heavy, and stared into her eyes, “Doc…G-d, I want you so much.”

Their hands tangled in their mutual attempt to get John’s belt unfastened. Marlena’s fingers wrapped around the length of his cock, pulling him free, “Now. Now, John.”

Sliding into her moist heat, nearly undid him in a single moment. John rested his forehead on hers, and laced their fingers together over her head. He forced himself to breathe slowly, trying to regain control of his own body. But then, Marlena bucked her hips. She rolled her pussy against him, and he was lost in irrationality, “Fuck. Fuck, Doc. Fuck!”

Her body arched up, and her legs encircled him, causing his body to push into her deeper. Marlena cried out, “Yes! Oh, G-d, yes!”

“Doc…Baby, slow down,” he said roughly. “Slow down…I want to make this good for you.”

“I’m already there. I’m so close. Just move…” she begged, rolling her hips against him again. “Oh, G-d! Please move.”

John smiled at her, pulling his cock out slowly, and sliding back into her languidly, “You feel so good…” he moaned. His mouth started sucking and biting at her jaw, while one of his hands started pulling at the buttons around her neck. “I need to taste you…I need to taste your skin…”

There was a desperation to their lovemaking. Both of them unsure of when they might be able to be together the next time. Exposing the skin of her chest, John kissed and sucked at the tops of Marlena’s breasts as he drove into her repeatedly, “Doc, I’m not going to last lo—”

“—I’m coming!” she rasped into John’s ear. “Oh…oh, fuck…”

He was lost in her. John buried his face in her neck, and bit her, sucking on her skin as he fell into a void that consisted of nothing but Marlena. “I love you, Marlena…I love you…” he whispered.

“I love you,” she said softly. “I love you so dearly.” Marlena held his head to her, and soaked in the sounds of John’s ragged breathing. She wanted to memorize it all.

Their moment was shattered when the captain came over the intercom, “Mr. Black, I just wanted to let you know that we’ll be on the ground in approximately fifteen minutes. We’ve been cleared by the tower for landing.”

Setting themselves to rights didn’t take long, since they hadn’t even removed their clothing. Marlena hadn’t worn make-up in a week, and her hair had been in curly disarray the whole time. A quick trip to the restroom, and she had her panties back in place. When she returned to the cabin, John’s clothing had been fixed, and no one would be the wiser.

John looked at Marlena, and immediately saw a mark on her neck, “Shit, Doc…”

“Can you see it?” she asked him warily. “I tried to hide it.”

“You’re going to need to button your blouse up all the way,” he said with a grin. He shouldn’t smile. He shouldn’t have bitten her, but there was a part of him that was satisfied with what he’d done.

“John! It’s August! I’m going to look ridiculous with my shirt buttoned so high.”

“You were cold on the plane?” he said with a smirk, as he buttoned her blouse up.

“Do I have a choice?” she asked him.

“Baby, when it comes to you, I have no self-control,” John said. 

“Your lack of self control will have me wearing turtle necks for a week,” she said, sitting down, and buckling her seatbelt.

John leaned over, kissing her, and asked, “Was it worth it?”

Marlena ran her fingers softly over Johns face, and she said, “Oh, yeah. It was worth it.”

Chapter 29

**Trigger Warning – Rape Flashback**

Well, I know what you said to me, I know the words so well

They echo on inside of me like pennies in a well

And, I wonder, does she take you to that high summer place?

Does she trace my kisses on the parchment of your face?

They linger there like sugar, should you ever need a taste

Season of the Fair – Maria McKee

Kristen watched the reunion from where she stood by the fireplace, full of bitterness, and hatred. Brady leaped from his spot in the corner, screaming, “Mama!” As he ran towards Marlena, and she wanted to scream in frustration. She was married to his father. Brady should be calling her, Mama. Instead he was calling Marlena, Mama, and it only served to fuel her rage.

Belle nearly toppled over in her haste to get to John, tripping on her dress as she stood up, screeching, “My Poppy! Poppy!”

Kristen forced herself to keep her face calm and serene while she watched John and Marlena with Belle and Brady, looking every inch the perfect family. They stood close to each other, exchanging smiles, and quiet words with the children, and Kristen wanted to explode with rage. Helping her father kidnap Marlena had done nothing, but make her life worse. She could see that the whole ordeal had drawn them closer. She nearly vomited when she watched John exchange children with Marlena, and the whole scene started over. She would have to be an idiot not to notice the way those two looked at each other. She was almost certain that something had happened in Paris. John’s hand trailed over Marlena’s arm, and Marlena smiled at him with a look that was half adoration, and half take-me-now. Kristen’s eyes narrowed, then she caught Sami’s gaze.

When her husband finally looked at her, he seemed almost surprised to be reminded that she existed. He took her hand, and stood back to look at her, noticing her belly, and he said, “Wow! Kristen! I haven’t even been gone a month. Look at you!” He went to hug her, but Kristen turned to the side, knowing that the pillow strapped to her abdomen wasn’t dense enough to pass the test. 

He reached out, intent on touching her belly, and saying hello to his unborn child. Kristen shied away from his touch, saying, “My skin is really sensitive right now.” Then she hurriedly added, “My doctor says that’s normal.”

Sami watched the whole interaction with great interest. Kristen didn’t want her baby bump touched by her own husband? Interesting. She nearly laughed out loud when John asked if they’d had dinner. Kristen smiled sweetly, and said, “Yes, we did.”

Brady added loudly, “It was good! We had beanie weanie and gwilled cheese!”

John looked at Kristen in surprise, “Really?” That did not sound like her at all.

With a smile, only she could fake, she replied, “Yes, the children love it, and I thought, why not? Plus, I’ve been having the oddest cravings, because of the baby.”

Sami started coughing loudly. Kristen’s lies had her forcing herself to hold back her laughter, which meant her coughing fit caught Marlena’s attention. “Sami,” Marlena said with a soft smile. Cupping Sami’s face gently, she said, “I missed you so much.”

Sami smiled back, “I missed you too, Mom. I missed you so much.”

John left his wife standing where she was, and wrapped Sami in his arms, “Hey, Peanut!”

“Dad!” she cried. “You’re squishing me! Stop!”

“I missed you,” he told her. “You know, Doc, I don’t know if I told you, but one of the only reasons we figured out where you were was because Sami and Lucas decided to be super sleuths. This kid here is a genius!”

Sami blushed, feeling joy in John’s pride. Marlena said softly, “She’s incredibly intelligent.” She paused for a moment, locking eyes with Sami, thinking about what Sami had done with Belle’s hematology report. “You know we need to discuss something later.”

“Belle? Yeah,” Sami said with a sigh. “I knew that conversation was coming, but Dad said, we’d wait on you to have it.”

Marlena smiled at her sweetly, “Are your things packed?”

“We’re leaving tonight?”

“I think it’s best,” her mother said softly.

“I’m almost done,” Sami said. “I need to finish getting Belle’s things together.”

“We’ll need some things for Brady, too,” Marlena said.

“Brady?”

“John wants you, Brady, and Belle with me at the new house,” Marlena told her. “There is a safety concern.”

“Are you even going to tell me what it is?” Sami asked, feeling herself start to get angry.

Marlena looked at Kristen quickly, and said quietly, “When we get to the house. Yes, I’ll explain, but I don’t think right now is the appropriate time.”

John touched Marlena’s arm, and she looked up at him quickly, “Hey, Doc, I’m going to go get some of Brady’s things together. Just a few things. I can have the rest of his stuff packed up tomorrow—”

“—packed?” Kristen asked. “Why are you packing Brady’s things?”

“I’m going to have him stay with Marlena and the girls,” John told her.

“But why? John, he’s our son!” Kristen said. “Why wouldn’t he stay with us?” Marlena felt herself bristle at Kristen’s claim on Brady, but she said nothing in response, allowing John to handle the situation. 

John didn’t want to have this discussion right here in the living room, but he found himself saying, “Kristen, Stefano’s body is missing—”

“—what!” Sami gasped. She glanced at Marlena, her eyes wide with fear, “Is that what you were going to talk to me about?”

“Well…yes, but I didn’t want to do it right now—”

Kristen feigned surprise, and started sobbing, “His body is missing? Where is it?”

“Kristen,” John said quickly, immediately concerned about her blood pressure. “You’re not supposed to be getting so upset—”

“—Someone stole my fathers body, and I’m not allowed to be upset?” she cried.

“I never said that,” John told her gently. “But for the baby’s sake you’re supposed to try and stay calm.”

Kristen couldn’t take it anymore. She rested her hands on her belly, and looked at Marlena with hatred, “My Father’s gone…because of his obsession for you! That obsession led to his death, and now…and now, my father is dead!”

Marlena felt the guilt overwhelm her, watching Kristen’s tears slide down her face. She didn’t feel guilty over Stefano’s death, if he was dead. She felt guilty over Kristen’s loss, and what she and John had been up to in Paris for the last week, while Kristen mourned. Marlena said carefully, trying not to further upset Kristen, “Your father was a sick man, Kristen. His obsession with me was the manifestation of that illness.”

Marlena calling her father mentally ill tipped Kristen over the edge. “He’s dead, because of you! You—you tempted him!” Kristen screamed. “His obsession with you was because you tempted him! I’ve seen you do it. Don’t think I haven’t! You walk around, and you smile at men. You laugh at their jokes, or you touch them softly…if he was obsessed with you it was because you wanted him to be!”

Marlena’s face went pale. Tempt him? She didn’t do that. She didn’t. But, her mind started to bombard her with images anyway. Stefano’s meaty fingers on her thighs. Kellam screaming at her as he pushed her into the mattress. Stefano’s sour breath against her skin. Kellam screaming at her, ‘You wanted this! You fucking tease…you wanted this!’ She tried to gain control. She couldn’t. She tried to push the memories down, but they beat against the edge of her mind so hard that she was lost in a haze of pain. She stood still. Frozen. Moored in place by agonizing pain, as tears coursed over her cheeks.

John saw it happen in slow motion, but he was beside her immediately, “Doc!” He held her body as she collapsed against him sobbing, her fingers grabbing at the fabric of his shirt. No one else existed in the room in that moment, but John. Only John.

“I didn’t! I didn’t want it!” she cried, gasping for breath, staring up at him. John could tell that she was in a panic, and he suspected her usual nightmares were now coming at her during the day. Her hands clenched his arm, and her fingernails dug into his skin. “I didn’t want it! Oh, G-d! John, I never wanted it! You have to believe me!”

“I believe you. I know, Doc. I know you didn’t.” John lifted her into his arms, and was striding out of the room before Sami or Kristen could say anything. Both of them stood there for a moment, shell shocked over the quickness of what they’d just witnessed. 

Her mothers words rang in her mind, I didn’t want it. I never wanted it. A sinking ache settled in Sami’s stomach, as she considered what her mother might be referring to. Her mind rebelled, even as it accepted what Marlena might have been talking about.  She looked at Kristen with hatred in her eyes, and she said, “You’re father was fucking insane, and you want to blame my Mother? We don’t even know what he did to her! You are so fucking selfish!”

Kristen tried to back track, “I—I…I’m upset. I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean for her to react that way. My father died…I’m allowed to be upset…I didn’t think she would—”

“—We don’t know what your father did to her,” Sami repeated. “He had her for weeks!” She started crying, and she said, barely above a whisper, “How dare you blame her for that. How dare you do that!”

Kristen was silent, as she watched Sami storm out of the room, and run up the stairs after John and her mother. She sat heavily on the couch, adjusting her fake pillow baby, realizing that she needed to get herself together, or she was going to lose everything. She tried to wrap her mind about what Marlena had been saying, I didn’t want it. 

Kristen whispered to herself, “Didn’t want what?” And then she realized exactly what Marlena meant, “No. No, Father wouldn’t do that…he wouldn’t do something like that…” But Kristen wasn’t sure exactly what her father might do, because she’d never really known him at all.

Sami made her way down the hallway, and stood outside the door to her mother’s bedroom. John had left the door slightly ajar. Sami being who she was, had two parts of her brain at war. The side that was endlessly curious, nosy, and lived life without thought of what could happen as a result of her actions, and the side that adamantly told her that listening in on a private conversation was wrong. The first side won. She stepped closer, and she listened as John spoke softly to her mother.

John placed Marlena on the bed in her bedroom, making sure that a pillow was placed under her head, and stroked over her face gently. “Doc,” John said softly. “Baby, look at me.”

Marlena’s eyes were wild, looking around the room, while her breathing was becoming more and more erratic.

“You’re having a panic attack…or maybe it’s post traumatic stress,” he said. “Please. Baby, look at me!”

Marlena’s eyes caught his, deep amber riveted on dark indigo, and slowly recognition came to her, “John?”

“Breathe with me, Doc,” he whispered. “Breathe in…yeah, just like that. Breathe out…come on, a few more…a few more…please, Marlena.”

“I didn’t,” she whispered. “I didn’t do that…I didn’t tempt him. I didn’t want him to touch—”

“—you’re right,” he said softly, touching her face gently. “What he did to you…you didn’t want that. Kristen’s upset. She’s not thinking, and she doesn’t know what happened to you in Paris. She doesn’t know about your past. She has no idea what happened.”

Marlena stared at him with growing fear in her eyes, “You can’t tell her! John, she can’t know! No one can ever know!”

“I would never do that to you,” he promised. “Never, but I think…I think you need to talk to someone. Maybe Laura?”

The tears continued to flow over her cheeks, and she whispered, “I just want to forget it happened…”

“Your mind isn’t going to allow you to forget. Stefano raped you. Marlena, you can’t keep pushing that down,” he whispered. “You can’t pretend it didn’t happen. It happened, Baby. As much as we both wish it didn’t, it did. I want you to heal from this. I want you to face it.”

“I can’t!” she cried, turning her face away from him. “I can’t. The memories are killing me, John. It’s Kellam’s face, and then it’s Stefano’s. It’s Kellam forcing me onto the bed, and then it’s Stefano prying my legs open…I want it to stop.”

John moved closer to her, running his fingers over her face, and wiping her tears, “Doc…Doc, maybe that’s why it keeps coming back. It has to be faced.”

“Oh, G-d!” she said. “I can’t handle this right now, not with the pregnancy…I can’t have his baby. I can’t!”

Sami stood outside her mother’s bedroom, and cried. Stefano had raped her mother. Marlena was pregnant. She shouldn’t be listening to this, but it was too late. Her guilt took over. Why couldn’t she ever do the right thing? She couldn’t lie to them. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t know. She took a deep breath, and she knocked on the door. When John opened it, he knew from Sami’s eyes that she’d been listening. He looked down the hall, and pulled her into the room quickly, shutting the door, and locking it behind him.

She could see that John was angry, and rightfully so, “Samantha Gene Brady! I have asked you repeatedly to stop listening to conversations that don’t involve you! There are things you don’t need to know right now!”

She looked down. Her first instinct was to get angry, and somehow blame them for not telling her the truth, but she stopped herself, because John was right. She was getting too old for this. None of it was her business, and she’d eavesdropped. Looking at him, Sami whispered, “I know. I know…I’m sorry. I was going to walk away, and pretend I hadn’t heard anything, but you see…I’m trying to be a better person, and I did listen, and I do know…so I thought I should tell you—”

“—Sami come here,” Marlena said quietly, sitting up, and holding her hand out.

John watched Sami run to her mothers side, throwing her arms around her, “I’m sorry, Mom! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry, Stefano did that to you! I’m sorry, I was eavesdropping, when I know I should mind my own business, but I never do! I’m sorry about Belle! G-d, I always fuck up so bad!”

Marlena held her daughter. She really wished that Sami hadn’t been listening to a private conversation, but she could hear the pain in her voice. Marlena brushed her fingers over Sami’s face, and she said, “You are impulsive, intelligent, beautiful, and kind, Samantha. I wouldn’t change any of those things, but you’re right. That was a private conversation between myself and John.”

“I—I get angry all the time, and I’m nosy, and I can be really mean,” Sami sobbed. “I’m sorry!”

“My sister, Samantha…she could do horrible things to get what she wanted, but I never doubted her heart, or her love. She was so smart, and so loyal. She struggled over life’s bumps sometimes, but she always got back up. No matter what she did, I couldn’t stop loving her. I could never stop loving her. She was my best friend,” Marlena said softly. “Sami, look at me…I love you. I could never stop loving you. Never. Never.”

“He hurt you…I didn’t know…”

“You followed us up here, because you were worried. I understand that, and it’s too late to take back what you heard,” Marlena told her.

John sat on the bed beside Sami, and he placed his hand on her shoulder, “You’re still a child, Peanut. This was a hurt we didn’t want to put on you.”

“I heard you say…Mom’s pregnant,” Sami said softly.

Marlena gasped, and started crying again. John said, “It’s complicated, Sami. It’s so fucking complicated.”

“How is that complicated?” she asked, standing up hastily. She looked at John with fierce blue eyes, “She can get an abortion. Get rid of it!”

Marlena looked at John helplessly, and then back to her daughter, and she said, barely above a whisper, “I can’t.”

“You can! Mom! We’ll support you. You can. How can you keep a monsters baby?”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena cried. “I can’t—”

“—Because…it might not be Stefano’s baby,” John said, hoping, praying that Sami wouldn’t revert to her old ways. If she did, this could all blow up in their faces.

“It might not be Stefano’s?” she scoffed. “Then who’s baby—John, no!” Sami stared at John, and she said, “It might be your baby?” 

She knew, her mother and John had another affair, in Paris. Sami stood there trying to process how she felt about it. She was older this time, with a different life perspective. Love was no longer a foreign concept, and she was no longer angry at John. She was no longer trying to convince herself that Roman Brady was the perfect father, because he wasn’t. People made mistakes, but was what her Mom and John did…was that a mistake?

Marlena and John waited silently, allowing Sami to play out the myriad of emotions across her face. Sami said slowly, “So you’ve…you’ve obviously had another affair.” Still they remained silent. “And—and you’re pregnant…when can you find out whose baby it is?”

Marlena whispered, “November.”

Sami sat on the end of the bed, “How can you carry it, and not know? I would go crazy, Mom.”

“I—John said…” Marlena’s voice trailed off. She was so tired, and emotionally overwhelmed.

“I would have supported any decision your mother made. She decided to wait,” John said. “I’m going to respect that decision. It’s her body.” John looked at Sami, “Peanut, no one…absolutely no one can know about this.”

“Because Stefano’s body is missing. Because we don’t know if Mom is still in danger,” she said. 

“You always were the smartest kid around,” John said. 

Sami thought about Abe’s investigation, and she said, “I want you to trust me. I won’t say anything about the pregnancy. I won’t. I promise…but Dad, you and Mom, maybe you should just accept that you’re in love, and stop having affairs.”

Marlena looked at John with so much love, Sami thought her mothers heart might explode, and she said, “We know.”

“Listen Peanut,” John said. “I plan on telling Kristen, but her pregnancy is high-risk. I need to wait until the baby’s born. I can’t risk my child’s life.”

“So you’re just going to have an affair for six months?”

“No,” Marlena said softly. “I—we…we’re going to try and stay away from—”

“—oh, my G-d, Mom! I know what you’re thinking, and that is not going to work!” Sami said in exasperation, standing up quickly. “There is no way you two are going to be able to abstain for six months. You’ve been making goo-goo eyes at each other since Aremid. Plus, don’t forget, I got a glimpse of you and John trying to stay away from each other on a conference room table three years ago.”

Marlena gasped, “Samantha Gene!”

John’s face turned red, but he didn’t say anything. Sami was right. He didn’t think he’d be able to last until the end of the week, and it was only Wednesday. He glanced at Marlena, and realized she looked like fatigue was going to drag her down. He leaned over, kissing her on the forehead, “Listen, Doc, rest here. I’ll finish getting the kids packed, and then we can go to the new house.”

“Where exactly is this new house?” Sami asked, following him from the room. “Because I’ve asked around, and nobody is telling me anything.”

John laughed, “That’s good, Peanut, because no one is supposed to tell you anything.”

Chapter 30

Take a look in my eyes

It’s been a long, long time

I used to feel so strong

When I knew you were mine

Never Be You – Maria McKee

Abe was relieved when after three days of work, he was able to align Sami’s notes with Kristen’s phone records. He stared across his desk, and said, “Sami, we’re going to have to bring John into this. You know that, right?”

Sami’s eyes became large, and she said, “He won’t believe me!”

“Isn’t that why you got me involved to begin with? So that he would believe you?” Abe asked her.

“Yes, but…but, what if he doesn’t?” she asked him softly. “I don’t think I could handle that.”

“I think we have enough here to prove you had reason to be suspicious. He’s got to know. He…cares for your mother a lot,” Abe said, hedging around what he really meant. “He would want to know if the danger towards her came from his own house.”

Sami eyed Abe warily for a moment, reading every line of his face, and she said, “You know about them, don’t you?”

Abe eyed Sami as well, and replied with a raised eyebrow, “It depends on what you think I know. But let’s just say that we both know that John would be angry if there was a threat against Marlena, and he was left in the dark.”

Sami sank back in her chair, “You’re right. I know you’re right. I guess…I’m just scared. I’ve not been the most honest person the last few years, and as much as I try to be good…I mess up a lot.”

“I can tell you something Sami…I have watched you grow into the young woman you are today. You have been through so much. Things no child should ever have to deal with. Those experiences shaped you, and molded you,” Abe told her with kindness in his eyes. “But I love you just the way you are. So does your mother, and so does John. None of us would change you. I think…maybe you see your Mom as something to strive for—”

“—My Mom is nearly perfect,” Sami said.

“Not really,” Abe said. “I’ve known Marlena for years, Sami. No one is perfect. She certainly doesn’t expect you to be. You have to trust that John will believe you. You have to trust that he loves you. Sami…think about it, you may have figured out something that John and I worked on for weeks. Weeks! I think you’re pretty damn smart Samantha Gene Brady.”

Sami leaped from her chair, and ran around Abe’s desk. She threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him on the cheek, “I love you so much!”

Abe held her tight, remembering how he used to hold her as a baby, “You ready to call John now?”

Sami pulled back, wiping her eyes briskly, and said, “Yeah, we can call my Dad.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Marlena looked at Laura, wiping her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time, and she said, “When I’m calm, I know it’s not real. But when I’m upset or stressed…Laura it’s like my mind gets stuck in this cycle, and I can’t break free of it.”

“It’s hard to separate what you know to be true from a clinical standpoint, and how your brain reacts during a post traumatic episode. Marlena, you can’t expect to be able to do therapy on yourself. That’s unrealistic,” Laura said softly. She leaned forward, taking Marlena’s hands in hers, “Please, tell me you know that.”

Marlena looked at her, “I thought I could handle it.”

“What would you say to another psychiatrist in the same situation, if they said that to you?”

Marlena gave Laura a small smile, “I know. I know, you’re right. I would tell them that separating their emotions, and trying to remain clinical about their own trauma wouldn’t work. There’s no way to separate that.”

“Don’t hold yourself to an impossible standard,” Laura said. “You’re not perfect. No one expects you to be perfect.”

“I think it’s about control…there have been so many times in my life when I’ve been afraid, or my control was taken away from me. Times when I’ve felt betrayed. Samantha, Jake, Don, Liz, Kellam, Andre, Stefano, Orpheus…Roman. They’ve all taken things from me. They’ve all hurt me physically or emotionally. I don’t crave perfection from myself, as much as I crave control over what happens to me. I feel like, I need to control everything…just to feel safe.”

“Most people with severe trauma feel the same way,” Laura told her. “But, you know that. You’ve been pushing this down for a long time.” Laura looked at the clock, realizing that their time was almost over, and she said, “Are we going to talk about John?”

Marlena pulled her hands away from Laura, and she said, “I can’t talk about John.”

“So we’re going to ignore the elephant in the room every time you two are within twenty feet of each other?”

“Oh, G-d!” Marlena said, covering her face with her palms. Glancing up, she asked, “Is it that obvious?”

Laura smiled softly, “I told you in Aremid, Marlena. You love him. It’s obvious he loves you…so another affair, huh?”

“Yes, but we stopped. We stopped. We haven’t made love since Paris…” Marlena paused, and then added sheepishly, “Well, okay, we haven’t made love since the plane, on the way home from Paris.”

Laura smirked at her, but said nothing. She just waited patiently. She had been friends with Marlena long enough to know there was more.

Marlena continued, “We’re trying to stay away from each other. When Kristen has the baby…John plans to tell her about us.”

Laura looked at Marlena in surprise, “Do you think you and John can do that? Avoid making love for six months?”

Marlena stared at her hands in her lap, and whispered, “We can try. We have to try.”

“This is going to be hard. It would be hard on anyone, but you and John…it’s going to be nearly impossible. Do you want to come back for another appointment?” Laura asked her. “I think it might be best if you did.”

Marlena considered her state of mind over the next few months. She hadn’t mentioned the pregnancy. It was going to be difficult without John by her side everyday, “Yes. I think that might be for the best.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Abe sent Sami to the vending machines to get herself a snack, so he could talk to John. John stared at the door as it closed behind Sami’s retreating form, and he turned to Abe, asking cautiously, “What’s happening, partner?”

“Sami and I have been working on something, and she needs…she needs, more than anything, for you to take what she has to say seriously. You need to take what we both have to say, seriously,” Abe said. 

John eyed Abe, “Okay, I’m listening.” 

He sat in one of the wooden chairs across from Abe’s desk, as Abe told him, “She’s scared to death that you aren’t going to believe her, which is why she pulled me into it almost a week ago. That girl is one of the brightest I’ve ever worked with. She’s smarter than some of my detectives. Hell, John, she may be smarter than us.”

Sami opened the door, peeking in, “Can I come in now?”

“Did you get me my Coke and cheese puffs?” Abe asked her with a grin.

“Yeah,” she laughed, placing them in front of Abe, and sitting down next to John.

“So, Sami,” John said. “Abe says the two of you have been up to something, but he’s not telling me what.”

Sami stared at Abe with wide eyes, and said nothing, watching him while he opened his Coke and took a long sip. Setting the can down, Abe started talking, “Sami had some concerns that started the night Marlena was kidnapped. She brought them to me. I’ve been investigating, and, she might be onto something. I’m going to need to investigate further, and I’m—we’re hoping to have your cooperation.”

“Okay,” John said slowly. He understood what Abe was saying, without him directly saying it. Sami was fragile. Her coming to him, and putting her trust in him was huge. He could not react badly, or it had the potential to damage whatever progress they had made over the last few months. “Okay, Sami. I’m listening.”

She looked at Abe nervously, and he nodded his head, so she took a big sigh, and said, “The night Mom was kidnapped by Stefano…Kristen brought her tea. I saw her take it into Mom’s room. She was in there for awhile, and when Mom went missing…when Stefano took her, I—I noticed that her tea was spilled. Like, maybe…maybe she dropped it. But, you know, Mom is so particular. She wouldn’t spill something and leave a mess like that. So, I, went into her room, and I took the teacup, and…I kept it.”

“You kept the tea cup?” John asked. “I don’t understand.”

“It didn’t feel right to me. It felt out of sorts. I just thought maybe…”

John looked into her eyes, “Just tell me, Peanut. I can tell you’re scared, but I’m listening. I promise, I am.”

Sami whispered, “I asked Uncle Abe to test it for drugs, because the last time Stefano tried to kidnap her, she was drugged.”

John looked at Abe questioningly, and Abe handed him the toxicology report. John’s eyes scanned it as his mind tried to reconcile the implication, with what he thought about his wife. They didn’t match up. “Marlena was drugged before he took her. That’s why there was no struggle,” he said. Looking at Sami, he asked, “And you think Kristen did it?”

Sami was so nervous, and scared. She tried to speak, but her words were confused, “I—I wasn’t sure, but—”

“John, when I got the toxicology report, I had enough to get a warrant for Kristen’s phone records. It’s the same drug that was injected into her neck the last time,” Abe said. John was in shock, but he stayed silent. There was no way Abe would have brought him here, or even considered having this conversation if there wasn’t evidence. “Sami had a notebook full of information that she’d overheard, and phones calls that went out or came in, and they lined up with the phone records. John, Kristen was getting calls from Paris as early as the first week of May.”

He didn’t know what to say. Was it possible? He leaned forward, glancing between Sami and Abe, and he said, “What aren’t you telling me?”

Sami started crying, and said to Abe, “What if he doesn’t believe me?”

“Peanut,” John said. “Look at me. I’m listening. I swear, I’m listening. This is difficult for me, I’ll be honest, because it means that I’ve been lied to. It means that someone I trusted might be trying to hurt my family. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe you.”

“She has a secret room in the wine cellar,” she said so softly John could barely hear her. “There’s a woman locked inside…her name is Susan.”

“How do you know this?”

“I was suspicious, because Kristen was acting funny, and she kept going to the wine cellar…but she shouldn’t be. Right? Because why would she need wine? She was pregnant. I stayed down there all night. I was ready to give up, but then she came down, and I heard them. I couldn’t figure out how to open it though, and Uncle Abe said it was dangerous to get caught snooping down there, and to stop trying to open that room.”

John ran his fingers through his hair, and sat there, trying to digest everything Sami had said.

Abe told him, “I’m going to have to get a warrant for the wine cellar, John. If there’s a room down there, with someone inside…”

“No. No, you won’t need a warrant. Stefano took Marlena out of that house through a secret passage I didn’t even know existed. It’s possible that there’s a room in the wine cellar we don’t know about. But why? Why would she have someone in there?”

John watched Abe nod at Sami in reassurance, and Sami whispered, “To steal her baby, because, I don’t think Kristen is pregnant anymore. She—she switched doctors while you were gone. Her belly grew overnight…”

Abe looked at John, “I’ll be honest. When Sami first came to me, I humored her with the toxicology report. But it came back positive. I got a warrant for the phone records, and they lined up with everything Sami had in that notebook. This fake pregnancy, baby stealing theory…I don’t know about that, but Sami says Kristen won’t let you touch her belly. I have to ask, have you seen or touched her since your return a week ago?”

A sinking feeling of dread settled in John’s stomach, as he looked at Abe feeling like every emotion was exposed, and he whispered, “No. She hasn’t let me touch the baby at all.”

Chapter 31

Now, I pray the Lord won’t scorn me, if I make an honest vow

To someday where a dress of white

‘Cause scarlet is what I’m wearin’ now

You Gotta Sin to Get Saved – Maria McKee

John gave Abe permission to tap the phone lines at his and Kristen’s home. That morning, he’d installed a motion sensor hidden camera in the wine cellar, while Kristen was at her doctors appointment. Kristen still wouldn’t allow him to touch the baby, and she had also managed to go to her doctors appointment that day without him, even after he’d expressly told her the day before he wanted to attend the appointment. If Sami hadn’t brought her suspicions to Abe, John felt like he might have eventually become concerned about her odd behavior, but he knew it likely would have been too late. He would have been so caught up in locating Stefano’s missing body, and keeping Marlena safe, that he very likely would have missed the signs of the real danger, his wife.

Then there was Sami. His little girl, who was practically grown now. A girl who wanted so badly to redeem herself, and be believed. He couldn’t let her down. Even if she turned out to be wrong, he couldn’t doubt her in this. He would approach this seriously and methodically. If there was a woman in the wine cellar they would know within days. If there was a secret room, they would learn how to open it. John had aimed the camera directly at the wine wall, and having a background in security helped. 

He and Marlena had a long talk the night before. He could still feel her body curled into his on the couch, and the feeling that he shouldn’t be holding her in such a familiar way, but unable to let her go. She was going to continue seeing Laura, but she wasn’t ready to even consider going back to work. She wasn’t sure, she would ever be ready to go back. The last week had been spent with Brady and Belle, enjoying them, and spending time with them. It was bittersweet, because it reminded her of the time she had lost with Carrie and the twins. It was time she could never get back, but also time that she wanted to cherish with Brady and Belle.

John hadn’t told Marlena about the investigation into Kristen. He was worried about her.  She was already dealing with so much, and her nightmares were so frequent. He knew because he was sleeping in the room next to hers. In Paris, she had a couple nightmares, but since their return home it was two, sometimes three, per night. He wanted to hold her, comfort her when she slept, so she wouldn’t wake screaming into the darkness, but they both knew why that wasn’t possible. It didn’t stop him from rushing to her side every time. He’d sit beside her, stroking his hands over her hair, and down her back. He’d kissed her a few times, but that was always risky, because it led to both of them wanting so much more. He would keep her safe, but he wouldn’t add to her burden, so the investigation into Kristen stayed a secret.

He parked his car in front of the garage at the Alamain estate, still surprised that it belonged to him. He’d ask his brother, Lawrence, if he could use it temporarily, because Lawrence was living in Europe with his own family. His brother agreed, and then the deed arrived two days later at Mickey Horton’s office. Lawrence had signed the house over to John. It had been secured by the ISA, and it was ready for Marlena and the kids before they arrived back in Salem. 

John stared up at the towering home. Marlena was probably right. It was excessive, compared to what they were used to, but Brady, Belle, and Sami all had their own rooms, and as soon as they knew about Marlena’s pregnancy they might have a nursery to decorate. They’d turned the den in the back of the house into a full playroom, which kept the toys out of the main living area. They were used to living in smaller homes, but John had to admit that this home was very convenient.

John thought about Stefano’s children, all of them twisted in different ways because they were raised by Stefano DiMera. Then he thought about Benjy. Stefano’s son. A child who had been nothing like him. Kind, sweet, and brave…a child who had walked away from Stefano’s influence. If Stefano was the father of Marlena’s child, that didn’t condemn them to being like Stefano. But eventually, that child would know their origins, and Marlena would have to face that every time she saw the child. 

John ran his fingers through his hair roughly, he nodded at Agent Fowler, and entered the house. It was quiet, very quiet. He was confused for a moment, until he realized that he’d forgotten that Agent Ford was with the children at the pub. They were having dinner with Shawn and Caroline. John took his dark suit jacket off, and laid it over the back of the couch. He’d had an afternoon meeting, that forced him to dress in business attire, but he was desperate to get out of it. Loosening his tie, he took the stairs two at a time. Marlena was probably asleep. She’d been sleeping a lot more, and they both knew it was because of the pregnancy.

When she wasn’t upstairs, John decided to head out back. It was a beautiful day. He found Marlena gliding effortlessly through the pool in the backyard, wearing a sleek, black one piece bathing suit. He walked to the edge, kicking his shoes off, pulling his dress pants to his knees. John sat on the pavement, intent on tugging his socks off. Marlena came out of the water in front of him, and placed her wet hands on his knees with a wet slap. Her smile would win anyone over, even as he felt the water soaking his socks, “Hey, Doc.”

“Hey, Sailor,” she said breathlessly, resting her elbows on his thighs, while she stared up at him with beautiful hazel eyes. 

She wore the same expression she had at the hot springs. They had risen from the water, and she’d stared at him with equal parts awe, joy…and desire. John touched her face lightly, “You just got me all wet, which means these clothes have to go to the dry cleaners.”

“Well…in that case,” she said, reaching for his belt, gripping it tightly. “It won’t matter if they’re a little more wet.”

John eyed her warily, “A little more—”

Marlena tugged on his belt, upsetting his balance, intentionally pulling him into the pool beside her. The shock of the cool water took his breath, but then he felt her long legs encircle his waist, and her warm lips on his neck, as they rose to the top of the water. Marlena pushed her hair back from her face with another grin, and when their eyes locked, John’s mouth was on hers almost instantly. His teeth nipped at her soft lips, and his tongue lapped over hers with a deep groan. He couldn’t get enough of her. John pushed her body back against the wall of the pool, and he continued to kiss her, drowning in her heat and her flavor. He had barely kissed her, and hadn’t made love to her since the plane from Paris. He kissed her like he was making up for lost time.

She could feel his cock getting harder against her hip, causing her to moan softly, and she rolled her hips. They weren’t supposed to be doing this. Their affair was supposed to be over, until he could tell Kristen the truth. They were supposed to stop this affair, but as his mouth was sucking at her shoulder, she tipped her mouth to John’s ear, and she whined, “I want you.”

John pulled back, staring into her eyes, “We said, we would wait.”

“I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t wait, John. I need your hands on my body, and your mouth on my breasts…”

“Doc,” he rasped. “If we make love right now…I won’t be able to stop. Every time I come a round a corner, and find you alone—”

“—I don’t care,” she cried. “I don’t care. I need you…”

John stared at her for a moment longer, and then his fingers pulled the strap of her bathing suit down, baring one breast to the setting sun. His lips pulled her nipple into his mouth. The suck and pull so deep that Marlena’s head fell back as she arched into him.  She tasted of chlorine, her skin cool against his lips. It wasn’t enough, his mouth sucked harder, and his hands cupped her ass, rocking the heat of her core against his rigid length. John’s mouth pulled off of her breast, as he ground himself into her, and he said, “G-d, you feel so good, Doc.”

Marlena looked around with wild, arousal blown eyes, and she said breathlessly, “The pool house. Now.” 

A few minutes later they stumbled through the pool house door, John’s clothes dripping across the floor, and Marlena frantically pulling at her bathing suit. John struggled to get his wet dress shirt off, and then he felt the warmth of Marlena’s naked body against his back, and the scrape of her fingernails, as she dragged his shirt over his shoulders. He spun to face her, dragging his lips over hers, and whispering, “You drive me mad, Doc…fucking mad.”

Amber eyes stared up at him and whispered, “Good.” She raked her fingernails down his chest and across his abdomen, saying roughly, “John, get these pants off.”

He fumbled with his belt, sliding it out of the loops, and he felt Marlena’s fingers slip the button free. John groaned, “I’m so fucking hard it hurts, Baby.”

She stood up on her toes, and licked his ear, whispering, “I’m so wet, I ache.”

John kicked his wet pants to the side, and lifted Marlena’s body, without preamble, sliding into her so deep, in one thrust, that they both groaned, and Marlena cried out, “Oh, G-d!”

He walked them towards the couch, laying her down, as he sank into her even deeper. The contrast between their cool skin, and the heat of her pussy, had his hips pushing even deeper. Marlena scratched over the skin of his lower back, and said, “Harder. John, harder.”

A week apart had them frenzied. John’s hips drew back, almost withdrawing from her body completely, before driving back in furiously. Marlena’s high pitched cries, and her nails dragging across his sensitive skin, drove him on. “I love you,” he said, kissing her fiercely. “I love you so much.”

Marlena’s hands held his face, so he stared into her eyes, and she asked him, “You’re mine?”

“Yes, Baby, and you’re mine,” he said. “You have always been mine.” 

John buried his face in her neck, his harsh breathing, the scent of his wet skin, and the friction he was creating as every thrust pulled at her clit, had Marlena’s orgasm pulling at her in mere moments. Her nails scraped over his scalp and pulled his hair. John felt her legs begin to shake around his hips, and her pussy began to clench and roll over the length of his cock. He was lost, listening to Marlena cry out, “John! John! Oh, G-d!”

His climax took control of his body. He shook, and pushed into her, holding her body close, whispering, “I love you, Doc. I love you.”

They lay on the couch, their bodies quivering. Marlena whispered, “I’m not going to be able to stay away from you for six months, and I feel…I feel so awful. I feel like a horrible person.”

“You’re not, Doc,” John whispered. He debated telling her that he was investigating Kristen, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t add to her worries. “I…I can’t stay away from you, either. This is not one-sided.”

“But…we should stop,” she whispered.

“Doc, I’ll try,” was his only response.

Both of them jumped when a knock sounded on the pool house door, and they heard Sami hiss, “Dad, your jacket is in the living room, your shoes are by the pool, and your necktie is halfway across the lawn. I know Mom’s in there with you! For G-d sake, I thought you two said this was over? I’m taking Brady and Belle upstairs to get ready for bed, and you two need to figure out how to get back in the house without looking too guilty.”

Chapter 32

And I’m grown, I have logic and wisdom and clarity

And I know about magic and reason and disparity

I have an existential understanding of

What poets mean when they refer to love

The Lost Boy – Maria McKee

Sami knocked on the door to John’s study, declaring loudly, “It’s not fair! I’m a part of this, and I want to see too! You can’t keep me out here!”

John looked at Abe with an arched eyebrow as Sami continued to pound, and he said, “What do you think partner? Let her in?”

“We wouldn’t even be here right now if it weren’t for Sami,” Abe said. “I think we should let her in.”

Sami started pounding even harder, screaming, “Daddy! Please!”

John opened the door, causing Sami to almost fall over the threshold. She looked up at him with teary eyes, and said, “You’re letting me in?”

“Yes,” John replied. “Where’s your Mother?”

“She’s asleep, and the twins are out back with Agent Ford,” Sami said, wiping at her tears, and standing up straighter.

“I’m letting you in on the condition that you don’t breathe a word—”

“—I won’t. I swear! Uncle Abe already made me promise that,” Sami said.

John wrapped his arm around her and walked her over to the television he’d set up. Abe hit play on the video, and as a group they began to watch. Kristen approached the wall where the wine was kept, and pulled a bottle out. John could tell it was a false bottle, since it had a block of wood attached to the bottom. She then took out another one, and pressed a button, whispering loudly, “Susan! Susan, wake up! I’ve got your food for the day.”

“Kristen when you gonna let me out of this room? I’m getting mighty lonely, and Lisa Marie…well, she ain’t such great company anymore,” a woman replied with sleep in her voice. John looked at Abe in shock. There was no other word to describe how he was feeling. Kristen did, in fact, have someone locked in a secret room in the wine cellar.

Sami was feeling proud, a bit smug, too, if she was honest. Looking at Abe she said, “I told you she had someone locked down there! I said it, and I’m not crazy!”

“Susan,” Kristen said. “That man is still after you.”

“Evil Elvis? He wants to steal my baby!” Susan cried. “You’re gonna keep me, and my baby safe, ain’t ya? Just like you promised?”

“I am,” Kristen said slowly. “But how are you going to hide from him after your baby’s born, Susan? How are you going to keep your baby safe?”

“I—I never thought about that,” Susan said slowly. “I can’t—he can’t get my baby.”

“I can keep your baby safe Susan. I can give your baby a safe home, and he’d never find it,” Kristen said kindly.

“But—but it’s my baby. I love my baby,” Susan said softly.

“Are you going to be able to hide yourself, and your child from this evil man?”

“No,” Susan said, crying softly. “You…you would take care of my baby for me?”

“Of course, Susan. That’s what friends are for…and aren’t we friends?” Kristen asked her with saccharine sweetness.

Abe paused the video, and said softly, “John…that’s at least a kidnapping charge. You know that.”

John sat down heavily at the desk, “I know, Abe. I know. But if we can prove she’s an accomplice to Doc’s kidnapping…” His hands dragged through his hair, “This has to stick. She’s a danger to Doc. She’s a danger to my kids.”

“And she wants to steal Susan’s baby!” Sami cried. “Kristen is tricking her, and coercing her into giving up her baby. Just so she can pass it off as yours!”

John sighed, “Sami…we don’t know that Kristen isn’t preg—”

“—I’m pretty sure she isn’t,” Abe interrupted, rewinding the portion he’d just watched. “You two need to look at this.”

John and Sami watched, as Kristen grabbed her belly and adjusted it. She pulled her shirt high, lifting the pillow, and scratched over her very flat abdomen, with a look of frustration. She then moved the pillow side to side, settling it back over her stomach with an angry huff. Abe paused the video, and Sami said with a smug smile, “I knew it! I fucking knew it!”

“Samantha Gene!” John said loudly.

“Sorry, Dad. Sorry,” she said sheepishly, even as she still had a huge grin. “But, I knew she was a sneaky, conniving wench the first week we moved in.”

“She lost the baby,” John whispered softly, staring at the frozen screen in front of him. “She lost my baby, and she lied to me about it.” John felt a deep sense of loss. The opportunity to mourn his child was taken from him. She’d lost the baby when he was in Paris. Sami had been correct about everything. John felt the tears in his eyes, and allowed his head to fall into his hands.

Sami wasn’t sure what to do. She approached him slowly, touching his shoulder gently, “Dad? Do you—-do you want me to get Mom?”

John lifted his head, glancing between Sami and Abe, and he said, “We need to get this done officially. Kristen needs to be arrested for kidnapping. You can do that based on the video right? The DA would sign off on that, wouldn’t she? You can hold Kristen for 72 hours as an accessory to Marlena’s. Sami and I…we’re going to figure out how to get into that room, Abe.”

Sami’s eyes lit up, “You’re going to let me help?”

John stood up, pulling Sami into his arms, “Absolutely, Peanut. Without you, Abe and I would still be in the dark. You’re one hell of a Nancy Drew.”

“I’m glad you said that, because I have a better idea,” Sami said excitedly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kristen smiled brightly when John entered the living room, later that afternoon. “John!” she said excitedly, putting her magazine down on the couch beside her, struggling to get up with a laugh. “Oh, this baby is making even the most simple tasks so difficult.”

John stepped closer to her, reaching his hand out to touch her belly, and Kristen immediately sidestepped him. John’s eyes locked with hers, narrowing, and he said, “I want to touch my child.”

“John,” Kristen laughed uncomfortably. “I told you…my skin is so sensitive right now.”

“Show it to me, then,” he said sternly, looking at her with hard eyes. “If I can’t touch it, I want to see it.”

“See it? John…why are you being so odd?”

“Odd?” he laughed sardonically. “You think it’s odd that a man would want to touch his child? That a man would want to watch his child grow? That’s odd?” John asked her roughly. “Let me see my child, Kristen. Lift your shirt, and show me.”

Kristen stared at John helplessly, backing away from him, “John…I don’t understand why your acting like thi—”

“—Now!” he roared.

Kristen stared at him helplessly, with her hands cradling her pillow baby. John stepped closer, continuing to stare at his wife. He didn’t know her anymore, and she certainly wasn’t the woman he thought he’d married. His hand grabbed the pillow, squeezing it, gently at first, but then he gripped it harder, which only confirmed what he already knew. She wasn’t pregnant. When he let go, it snapped back against her body, and Kristen started sobbing, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“You fucking lied to me! You lost our baby, and you lied to me!” John yelled. He felt tears welling in his eyes at the thought of the child he’d lost, and wasn’t even aware of, “You fucking lied!”

Kristen continued to sob, unable to do anything else. There was no way out of this. All she could do at this point was beg for forgiveness, and claim she wasn’t thinking clearly. Her mind was whirling, trying to find a way to fix this mess she’d gotten herself into. “I was so alone, and so scared. My baby had just died. You weren’t here to rely on, John, because you were off saving Marlena!” she cried.

John couldn’t contain his rage any longer, “I was off saving Marlena, because you fucking told your father how to get to her! She would never have been taken, if you hadn’t helped him!”

Kristen’s breath caught in her throat, as she looked at John with wide, innocent eyes, “What?” He shouldn’t know that.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” John told her with barely concealed venom. “You drugged her, with the tea you brought her that night!”

Kristen stuttered, “I—I brought her tea, but I never, I never—”

“—Stop lying, Kristen! Just stop, and for once…for once be honest with me!” John told her. “Sami took the tea cup from Doc’s room. Abe had it tested. Your phone records are already down at the station on Abe’s desk, Kristen. So stop lying to me!”

“I just wanted you to love me,” she sobbed, reaching for his arm. John shrugged her off roughly, moving away from her, as she continued to cry, “I’m your wife! Me! But ever since Aremid…all you thought about was Marlena! Every time she entered the room, your eyes were on her. Every time you heard her voice, you were searching the room for her. Every time she walked by, you inhaled her scent as if it were fucking ambrosia!”

“In Aremid, my wife deserted me. You, Kristen…you deserted me,” John said, with an almost dangerous calm. “You left my side, and said, on the witness stand, that you thought I was capable of murder. You did that Kristen. One person stood by my side, in your place, for all of those months. One. Marlena never once doubted me—”

“—perfect Marlena!” Kristen shouted. “Every time I turned around she was hugging you, or holding your hand. I’d see the two of you whispering together, and I could feel you slipping away! I’m your wife!”

“But you didn’t act like it! You abandoned me, and then you get mad because Doc and I grew close?” John asked her. “You helped your father kidnap her! You have no idea what he did to her!”

Kristen’s eyes blazed with hate, and screamed, “I don’t care what he did to her! He got her out of my way, and that’s all that mattered!”

“So you admit that you drugged her?”

“Yes! I wanted him to take her. I drugged her, and I gave my Father the security code! But John, I love you…I needed—I needed some time with you! A chance to rebuild our marriage!” she cried. “I needed time for us to reconnect, because you wouldn’t let her go…and then I found that letter.”

The letter he’d written to Marlena. The letter he’d penned containing the final thoughts of a man condemned to die. His confession of love to the one woman who would always own half of his heart. John knew exactly what she was referring to, but he found himself asking, “What letter?”

Kristen could recite it by heart, and she found herself sobbing it out, line by line, “I know that our life together has been complicated. You’ve been in love with other men, I’ve been in love with other women, but the love we shared was something special, Doc. There never was, or ever could be, someone to fill that special place that you hold in my heart. I love you. I know now, I always have.”

With a sinking feeling in his gut, he asked Kristen, “Did you give your Father information about the security system on Marlena’s home?”

Kristen stared at him with teary eyes, “I love you…I did everything because I love you!”

“Did…you… give Stefano information about Marlena’s security system?” John roared. “Did you endanger my children in the process?”

“I didn’t realize the children might be in danger. Sami shouldn’t have—”

“—do…not…blame Sami!” John said. “My daughter saved her mother that night. She saved her mother, while my wife was scheming behind my back to take her mother away. To take away Belle and Brady’s—”

“—Marlena is not Brady’s mother!” Kristen cried. “She’s not!”

John stared at her for a moment, and he said quietly, “She is. When Isabella died, Marlena stepped into that role. She has been his mother since he was five months old.”

“I’m sorry, John! I’m so sorry!” Kristen cried, reaching for him in desperation.

“John!” Abe yelled, running into the room. “We’ve got her. We’ve got her. Sami figured it out, and we’ve got Susan!”

John started unbuttoning his shirt in haste. He was disgusted with Kristen, and wanted to get away from her as soon as he could. Pulling the tape and the wire from his chest, Kristen stared at him, realizing she’d confessed everything, and John had recorded it all. She looked towards Abe, and she quickly came to understand that it was over when she heard Susan Banks in the foyer, “That was so nice of you Sami Brady. So very nice. I was getting hungry you see, and Kristen, well, she’s nice and all, but she’s not been visiting me as often as she used to, and I told her, Lisa Marie ain’t much of a conversationalist, you know? And you’re sure that Evil Elvis, he ain’t coming back around?”

Kristen glanced between Abe and John, and whispered, “How?”

Abe smiled, and said, “No one should ever under estimate Samantha Gene Brady.”

Sami smiled to herself with a self-satisfied grin, when she heard Kristen screech, “I fucking hate that brat!”

Chapter 33

And she plays Pandora with my soul

I’ll never let her go

Absolutely Barking Stars – Maria McKee

John found Marlena on a large circular deck chair on the patio by the pool. She was swaddled in a large, terrycloth bathrobe, making John assume she’d gone swimming again, since her hair was curled around her face in the sexiest mess he’d ever seen. No other woman in his life ever affected him the way Dr. Marlena Evans did. No one. When she looked like this, John wanted to crawl naked into bed with her, and never get out. 

Since they had moved in, she spent a lot of time out on the patio, staring at the water, sometimes reading, but most often staring off into space. She didn’t want to talk about the pregnancy, but John knew she thought about it all the time. John watched her silently, and then…his heart broke a little when he saw her palm run over the flat lines of her abdomen. It was hard for her to try to stay unattached to the life growing within her body. A pregnancy at forty-five was already late considered late in life. What were the chances of another one coming after this, if she chose to end this one? John watched her wipe a tear from her face as she murmured something to herself, continuing to softly caress her abdomen.

Stepping forward, John said, “Hey Doc.”

She looked up in surprise, smiling at him, and reached out her hand, “John! I missed you.” He slid in beside her on the deck chair, and tugged her into his arms. Marlena looked up at him, and then towards the door, whispering, “We’re not supposed to be doing this.”

He ignored her, nuzzling her neck with his nose, and replied, “Sami is getting Brady and Belle ready to head over to the pub for dinner. I need to talk to you privately.”

Marlena sighed, relaxing into him, “I know you’ve been distracted over the last few days.”

“I’ll start with, our daughter Samantha, has the skills of an ace detective, a blood hound, and Inspector Gadget all rolled into one,” John said with a light chuckle.

“She’s so much like her namesake it’s slightly surreal sometimes,” Marlena murmured.

“Is she?”

“My sister Samantha, was troubled. That’s how most people remember her. She made decisions that were impulsive, misdirected, and even harmful, but in her mind there was always some sort of justification. It was most often centered on her wants, or her needs. I was worried for awhile,” Marlena said softly. “When we had our affair, I saw those traits in Sami, and I worried. My sisters life was hard, John, and it ended so early, through no fault of her own. I wish…I wish she’d had a chance at life. A chance to do better and be…loved. But I see that for Sami. I do. I feel like Dr. Bower was a good choice for her, as a therapist. I feel like maybe Roman leaving town with the ISA, was good for her, and I feel like you staying in her life…even when she pushed you away, was good for her.”

“I wasn’t ever going to give up on her. She’s my daughter,” he said. “From the day you placed her in my arms for the first time, Doc. She was my daughter.”

“I’m sorry, I let Roman push you away,” Marlena whispered. “I feel like that did so much damage to the twins.”

“I was scared too, Doc. Roman kept talking about a hypnotic trigger…and after everything that happened when Stefano kidnapped Carrie…it was a possibility. Roman seemed so certain, and he’d been with Stefano so recently…I thought, what if he’s right?”

Marlena ran her fingers softly over his arm, “But you broke through the trigger with the pagoda.”

“Roman scared me,” John said. “If I ever hurt the children…I couldn’t live with myself. So, I stepped away. I never realized what it would do to Sami.”

Sami stepped out of the shadows, wiping her face, and said, “I’ve got to stop eavesdropping…you’ve got me all emotional.”

“I swear, Sami,” Marlena said in exasperation. “You really do have to stop listening to private conversations.”

“Brady and Belle are ready to go, and we’re going to head out with Agent Ford,” Sami said. “Dad, did you talk to Mom yet?”

“Not yet, Peanut,” he said. “After you go, I will.”

Marlena looked between them curiously, and then said to Sami, “I had to borrow one of your old bathing suits. Mine was in the wash.”

Shrugging her shoulders carelessly, Sami replied, “Was it the pink one?”

Marlena laughed, “It was a tight squeeze, but it got the job done. I did fifteen laps, before I nearly collapsed in exhaustion. It felt amazing.”

After saying their goodbyes, Marlena snuggled into John. She felt so guilty for wanting him with her all of the time. She never thought she would be the woman pulling a man away from a family he’d built. She was surprised at her level of selfishness recently. She turned into his arms, and rubbed her face against his, “Are you here for the night? Or do you need to go spend some time with Kristen?”

John was quiet for a few moments, and then said softly, “We need to discuss Kristen.”

“Is she okay?”

A myriad of emotions took over his body, but the most pervasive was loss. His child was gone, and Kristen hadn’t even told him. She’d lied, allowing him to continue to believe he had a child on the way. She was planning to steal someone else’s child and pass it off as his. His voice choked up in his throat, “She…everything…”

Something was wrong. She could feel it. Marlena sat up, looking at him, and she saw pain in his eyes. Deep pain. Touching his face gently, she whispered, “Hey…John, honey, what happened?” 

He started crying, deep, wracking sobs, that shook him, and Marlena pulled his head to her chest, and she held him. She held him, allowing him to cry out whatever had hurt him so badly. She felt his tears drip down her chest, and his arms wrap around her so tightly, that at some points breathing was difficult. She said nothing. She simply held him, running her fingers through his hair, and she waited for him to be ready.

Several minutes passed before he started speaking softly, “Kristen had a miscarriage…when we were in Paris.”

Marlena was quiet for a moment, digesting the information, and realizing the implication, “She kept that from you…”

“She continued to behave as if she were pregnant.”

“But, John, her belly—”

He whispered, “—a fucking pillow, Doc.” He rested his palm near her neck, sliding it around behind her head, while he continued to rest his face in her neck, and breathe deeply. She smelled of chlorine, and the barest hint of her perfume. He kissed her neck softly, and his hand dipped below the neckline of her robe, pushing it off of her shoulder.

“There’s more,” she whispered. “There must be, because if Kristen isn’t pregnant…does she know about us. Did you tell her?”

“She doesn’t know about us, and there’s so much to tell you, but my mind is telling me we need to talk, and my body is screaming for you,” John rasped, kissing her neck with soft, moist lips.

“I’m worried about you,” Marlena said. “What do you need? Right now, John…what do you need?”

He looked up at her, feeling lost, and needing connection. He needed a connection with her, “You. I need you.”

“I’m yours,” she said, tracing her fingertips over John’s mouth. “If you need me…take me.”

John’s fingers fumbled with the tie on her oversized robe, spreading it open, and he looked on her body in awe, “Fuck, Doc…what is this?”

Marlena blushed. She’d forgotten that she’d borrowed Sami’s old bathing suit. “My bathing suit—”

John’s fingers traced over the pink halter top, covered in tiny strawberries. He then allowed his palm to trail down her bare abdomen, until he reached the matching bottoms, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a bikini…”

“It barely fits—”

“—It’s enticing, Doc,” John said squeezing her hip, and biting at the soft flesh of her breast, barely contained in the cups of the bikini top. “You need a few of these.”

“John, it’s meant for a teenager,” Marlena whispered. 

Pulling one of the cups to the side, John stared at her teasingly, as his tongue flicked her pert nipple, and he murmured, “It’s meant for me.” He bit her skin lightly, “I want you to go shopping, and buy several of these.”

Marlena laughed lightly, “Maybe more mature versions? Some that aren’t pink and covered in strawberries?”

He looked up at her, leaning closer, and licked over her lips, causing her to gasp. He whispered against her lips, “This kind of gets me going, Doc. You wrapped in a barely there halter top with barely there bottoms…with pink baby strawberries covering your ass…”

Marlena looked behind them, and she said, “Agent Fowler is somewhere around the house.”

He pulled her other cup to the side, revealing her other breast to him. John sucked at it briefly, short, hard pulls, followed by bites to the sensitive tip, and he groaned, “Agent Fowler is in a meeting with Shane.”

“Shane’s in the house?” Marlena asked. “John we can’t be out here doing this!”

He looked at her, his eyes blown with arousal. Marlena could feel the length of his cock against her. John sucked her breast into his mouth, and then lapped over it gently, finally saying, “Pool house.”

She watched him with hooded eyes, as he set her bikini top to rights, and slowly tied her robe back into place. She wouldn’t deny him anything. Marlena reached for his hand, squeezing it, and whispered, “Okay…the pool house…”

John stood up, still holding her hand, and started to stride across the yard pulling her behind him. His gut clenched, as he pushed the door open, tugging her in behind him, and flipped the lock on the door. Pulling his t-shirt off over his head, he reached for Marlena, untying her robe, pushing it from her shoulders roughly. His lungs breathed her in, and John thought that for the rest of his life the smell of chlorine on her skin would turn him on. “You look so beautiful, Doc.”

His hands cupped her ass, caressing her gently, squeezing slowly. Marlena moaned low in her throat, as his fingers dug into her flesh, making her pussy ache and throb.

Reaching for his belt, Marlena whispered, “You make my body hurt so good, John. This ache starts deep inside me, and it borders on the sweetest pain.” Her tongue lapped over his skin, and he felt the rasp of his belt being pulled free. Marlena’s fingers brushed over his skin. She slipped the button on his jeans free, causing John to shiver violently.

Those amber eyes, pulled him in, and refused to release him. They owned his soul. Lacing his fingers into her hair, John pulled her head back, so she stared up into his eyes. Unable to hold back any longer, his mouth was on hers with fierceness. The groan that escaped him was a primal roar of desire, coming deep from his throat as his tongue slid alongside hers. Flavor exploded in his mouth, heightening his awareness of her. 

Marlena arched her body closer to him, feeling his rough fingers slide over her smooth back. She began pushing his jeans and his boxers over his hips. When her hand encountered John’s cock, she smiled, watching his head fall back, as she pumped her small fist over him several times. John cried, “Oh, fuck!”

They were both lost in each other. John pulled her onto the couch, catching his fingers in her bikini bottoms, tugging them down her long legs. She reached behind herself unfastening the clasp on the bikini top, and pulled it over her head. John’s fingers gripped her thigh, pulling it up over his thigh with a grunt.

“John! Oh, G-d!” Marlena cried, feeling the tip of his cock bump her clit roughly. “John!”

“I bet I could make you come just like this,” he rasped, holding his cock in his hand. He slapped it over her clit a few times.

“John!” she screamed. Her hips bucked against him, searching for the pain and the pleasure that was building inside her. 

Pushing her onto her back, John stared down into her eyes, “You like that, Baby?”

Gasping out every breath, Marlena choked, “Yes!” John smacked her clit with the flat of his hand, and Marlena screamed, “Fuck!” 

He asked her, “Again?”

“Yes, yes…John! Yes!” she cried. He smacked her pussy again, watching her get lost in the sensation, hitting her clit with every stroke, and Marlena was lost to her orgasm. Her pussy clenched, and rolled. Unable to wait any longer, his large hands gripped her hips, and lifted her up, sliding his cock deep inside. Marlena started coming again, “John!” 

Her fingernails raked over John’s arms, where his hands held her hips, and she stared up at him helplessly, while he started thrusting. And when his climax hit him, he kneeled back on his haunches, pulling her body up, wrapping himself around her. His cock was buried in her, seated as deeply as he could, while he came deep inside her. His body shook, and she quivered around him. John buried his face in her hair, moaning, “I love you, Doc. I love you so much. I love you…I love you…” 

Chapter 34

I took a leap of faith and I stumbled

I tried to live outside grace and I was humbled

But I’d like to bet, if I live to fear regret

Then we never would have met

My Girlhood Among the Outlaws – Maria McKee

The town of Salem was rocked to its core when Kristen Blake DiMera Black was arrested  as an accessory to the kidnapping of Dr. Marlena Evans, as well as the kidnapping of Susan Banks. It was rocked even further when another review of her phone records led the ISA directly to an island on the Caribbean where they found Dr. Wilhelm Rolf cackling to himself in an underground lab full of Stefano’s frozen body parts, as well as his partially autopsied brain in a jar. An additional charge was added for Kristen, abuse of a corpse.

John was in attendance at her arraignment. He watched as Kristen sat there, dressed demurely, with a look of innocence plastered to her face. A smirk of satisfaction crossed his face as the charges were read. When the last charge, brought by the ISA, was read, Kristen stood up screaming, “I didn’t know the crazy bastard was going to dismember my father’s body!”

“Sit down Ms. DiMera, or I’ll add contempt of court to your list of crimes!” the Judge roared. 

Kristen sat back down sheepishly, with full understanding that there was no lawyer and no amount of bribery that would get her out of this. She was facing local charges, but she was also facing international charges through the ISA. She’d assisted with a kidnapping where the victim was taken outside the country. Then there were the charges pending in France for helping Rolf steal her fathers body.

John had no time for news cameras, or reporters on his way out of the courtroom. Kristen wasn’t his concern anymore. Their divorce had been finalized a week ago, much to his relief. She had tried to fight it, but John had enough money, and good reason to have it pushed through the court system. He looked around frantically for Shane, finally seeing him alone in the corner near the payphone. Striding over to him, he asked, “Did the report come in?”

“It did,” Shane said, pulling an envelope from his pocket. “I have it here. Are you going home now?”

“I am,” John said. “I don’t know if I should look at it now, and possibly prepare myself for Marlena’s response, or not.”

“I would,” Shane said quietly. “Kim and I had our fair share of paternity issues, and depending on what that report says, you’d be better off knowing ahead of time.”

John looked around the crowded area outside the courtroom. “I’ll read it in the Jeep when I get home, then I’ll go to Doc. Thank you, Shane. Thank you for everything, but especially, thank you for doing this,” John said, gripping the ISA report in his hand.

“You never have to thank me for this, John,” Shane told him, giving him a hug. “The world is a better place without Stefano DiMera.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

John entered the house through the door attaching the house to the garage, and Sami was already waiting with worried eyes. “Dad,” she said quietly. “Mom has been crying off and on all morning. She’s so worried about the results of this test, as as much as she pretends she’s not attached to this pregnancy, we both know she is.”

“They’re mine,” John said quietly, with a small smile. “It’s twins…girls, and they’re mine, Sami.”

Sami started crying, and threw her arms around John, “You’re serious? We have to tell Mom!”

“That’s where I was headed when you accosted me at the door, Peanut,” John told her with a laugh. With his arm wrapped around her, they walked through the house, and out to the back patio, where Marlena, Brady, and Belle were enjoying the last of the good weather. Early November still had enjoyable afternoons, but the evenings and early mornings carried a crisp bite to the air. Agent Ford, who had become a fixture in their household, played at the back of the yard with the children. John watched as the burly man crawled around on his hands and knees, while Brady rode his back screaming, “Yee-haw!” and Belle ran around them in circles yelling, “Go Pony, go!”

Sami said, “We should keep him. Ask him to stay on as the kids nanny.”

“You don’t think that would be offensive?” John asked. “He trained for years to be an ISA agent.”

“No. He loves those kids, he could be their Manny. Plus he has impressive security skills. It would be a win for us.”

“You think a man who’s 6 foot 5 inches tall, weighing nearly 250 pounds, would give up the life of a special ops ISA agent, to nanny four kids?” John said incredulously. “I don’t want to insult the man.”

“I’m serious, Dad. He wouldn’t say no. He wouldn’t. Think about it,” Sami said, before jogging across the yard, screaming, “Ride ‘em cowboy!”

Approaching Marlena, John said softly, “Hey, Doc.”

She looked up at him, and he could tell she’d been crying recently. He kicked off his shoes, and laid his jacket over the back of her favorite circular deck chair, and curled up next to her. She looked at him, “You got the report from Shane?”

He didn’t wait to tell her. There was no reason to drag it out. “It’s twins, Doc. They’re mine,” he said, loosening his neck tie. “They’re mine.”

“They’re yours?” she asked on a sob. She looked down at her abdomen, softly caressing the small rounded belly that was already forming, and whispered, “Twins…did you hear that my little babies? Did you hear that?” 

John’s hand slid under the edge of her shirt, resting lightly on her abdomen, and Marlena sighed softly, laying her head on his shoulder. He kissed her hair, and he whispered, “They’re identical girls.”

Marlena looked up at him with such a look of joy, “Like me and Samantha…oh, John! We’re having girls?” She paused for a moment, and then she whispered, “I was so scared, but when we were in Paris, something told me to wait. A feeling deep inside me said, even though it would be difficult, wait. I’m so glad I did, so very glad. Although, at this point, I don’t know that I could have ended it.”

“Three months, Doc, and you’re already showing,” John said. “I didn’t want to ask before, but did you suspect it might be twins?”

“I did,” she said. “With Sami and Eric, I showed early. With Belle and D.J., I didn’t. I was almost certain it was twins…I just kept it to myself.”

“When do you want to tell Belle and Brady?”

“Now?” she suggested. “I’m not going to be able to hide it much longer.”

“We’re going to need a nanny,” John said with a laugh. “Four children under the age of five, Doc. We’re definitely going to need a nanny.”

They both turned to the yard when Agent Ford stood up with a child hanging from each bicep, and roared, “Time for lunch little monsters!”

John stared at Marlena in shock, and asked, “He cooks?”

Marlena laughed, “He does, and he’s amazing. The children adore him.”

“Sami said the same thing. She said, we should keep him.”

“Keep him?” Marlena asked with a laugh.

“She says, Agent Ford should be the nanny,” John said with a smile, cuddling closer to her.

“Would he do that? Would he stay?” Marlena asked with serious interest.

“Marlena, you too? You’re serious?”

“He so good with them, and the security skills are a bonus, John. Think about it,” Marlena said softly.

“I’ll speak with him, Doc. I certainly trust him.”

“Mama,” Brady said, climbing up beside Marlena. “Mama, you still sad?”

Marlena pulled the small boy close to her, “No, my darling. I’m not sad anymore. I’m very happy.”

“Hey, little Tink,” John said softly, pulling Belle up beside them. “Mommy and Daddy have some news.”

“They sure do,” Sami said sarcastically, stepping onto the patio with a laugh.

“Mommy is going to have two babies,” Marlena said. 

Brady looked at her with wide eyes, “Two babies? Not one baby?”

“It’s twins,” she told him softly.

“Awe they boys? Cause thewe’s aweady two giwls,” Brady said with matter-of-factness.

“You’re going to have to be an excellent big brother then, Brady,” John told his son softly. “Because Mama is having girls.”

“Giwls!” Brady exclaimed in exasperation. He was silent for a moment, finally saying, “I guess giwls are okay. Sami and Belle are okay, but can we get a wed claw cwab?”

“A red claw crab?” Marlena asked Brady with slight trepidation. “What is that?”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Evans. I was telling Brady about when I was a child, and I had a red claw crab as a pet,” Agent Ford interjected. 

Marlena looked at Brady, “Why don’t we talk about it later?”

“Okay,” Brady said. “We can talk about it…when?”

“Let Mama, and Daddy discuss it first, brat,” Sami interjected. “Now do you want lunch or not?”

Belle scrambled off of John’s lap, and held her hand out to him, “Lunch, Poppy!”

“I’ll be in, in a moment, Tink,” John said. “I’m going to finish talking to your Mother first.”

John curled himself around Marlena’s back, burying his face in her hair, and he murmured, “I wanted to ask you something.”

Leaning her head back, she smiled, “Mmmm…we are not going to the pool house right now, John.”

John started laughing, displaying his closed hand in front of her. Tipping it open, Marlena noticed a ring sitting in his palm, “So, Doc, I was wondering if you wanted to marry me?”

Gingerly she touched the ring in the palm of his hand, noting the ruby center, and the diamonds that encircled it. “John…” she said in awe.

He kissed her head, her cheek, and then the corner of her mouth softly, pulling her mouth to his, and he whispered, “Doc, I want you in my life. I need you in my life…tell me you’ll marry me.”

Marlena turned in his arms, staring up at him with tear filled eyes, and whispered, “Yes.”

As he slid the ring on her finger, he whispered, “Next week…Sami and I are planning everything, Doc.”

“Next week?” she whispered in awe. “John, I don’t have a dress.”

“What did I say?”

“You and Sami are planning everything,” she replied. “Next week?”

“Next week, Baby,” John told her pushing her onto her back. He licked along her neck, biting at the skin behind her ear, causing her body to arch up against him. She moaned low in her throat, and John’s mouth took hers quickly, absorbing her cry. His lips sucked at her, and he finally stared down into her eyes, “Is that a yes, Doc?”

“Yes,” she said breathlessly.

Chapter 35

April 1997

Our wild weather exquisite and violent could never betray me

It slays me, I live to die again in your arms

I’m Awake – Maria McKee

Kristen sat at the table next to her attorney on the third day of her trial. She’d had a glimpse of John earlier. It was the first time she’d seen him since her arraignment five months earlier. She knew he was behind her somewhere, but she hadn’t been able to speak with him. They’d made eye contact once, but John had immediately looked away and walked off. Kristen sighed, studying her nails. She was pleading not guilty on the desperate hope that her lawyer could pull off a miracle, and disprove a theory that had originally been set forth by a seventeen year old. 

Sami had already been called to the stand, and Kristen made sure all of the girls previous indiscretions came to light. But then, Abe Carver was called, gave his testimony, and somehow ended up as a character witness for Sami. Kristen’s lawyer looked like an ass for attempting to break an eighteen year old girl on the stand, and Sami looked like a reformed angel who’s had a hard life.  

John sat in the back, next to Marlena, and he whispered, “Doc, are you sure you can handle this?”

Smiling at her husband, she said softly, “I can. I’m stronger now. Laura has been helping me with some of it. I’m ready, John. Stefano may be gone, but he had help. I’m not going to ignore that. Stefano raped me…but his daughter helped him do it.”

“I love you,” he told her, kissing her fingers. “And I’m here for you.”

“I love you,” she said, smiling at him softly. She arched her back a little, trying to ease the ache that seemed to settle there. “These chairs are so uncomfortable.”

John said quietly, “We’ll be done soon. Then I’ll get you back home and into bed.”

“I’m not on complete bedrest,” she said. “Dr. Bader said, light bedrest.”

“Bed rest, is bed rest, Doc,” he replied, squeezing her hand.

Kristen barely paid attention as the judge said to the DA, “Ms. Hamilton, you can call your next witness to the stand.”

“Thank you, Your Honor, the state would like to call Dr. Marlena Evans-Black to the stand,” the DA replied.

Dr. Marlena Evans-Black? Kristen stood up clumsily, “No!” Turning around she locked eyes with John, and she cried, “You married her?”

“Ms. DiMera! You will sit down right now!” the judge said loudly from the bench, pounding her gavel with a crack of wood.

Kristen sank into her seat feeling completely lost. She glanced up as Marlena walked by, and stared at her back with loathing. John had married her. Kristen felt her insides nearly boiling with rage. It was when Marlena turned to take her seat, that Kristen nearly lost her mind for the second time that day, screaming, “She’s fucking pregnant?”

“Sit down!” roared the judge. “Mr. Palmer, if you don’t get your client under control, I will charge her with contempt of court!”

“I’m sorry Judge Simmons,” Kristen’s lawyer replied. “Can I have a moment with her?”

“Take what you need, but she won’t interrupt my courtroom again,” the judge replied.

Kristen’s lawyer sat down beside her and hissed, “You have to stop this. It can’t happen again.”

“He married her, and she’s pregnant!” Kristen cried. “Did you see that? Do you know what that means? He cheated on me! She’s ready to pop out his brat any day now, while I rot in prison.”

“I need you to remain calm, and stay seated. Do you understand?” he asked her. Kristen wiped her eyes furiously, and glared at Marlena as she sat on the witness stand. Her lawyer leaned close, “The jurors are watching you. Fix your face. Now.”

Kristen pasted an artificial look of placidness on her face, and her lawyer realized that was the best he would get out of her at the moment. He sighed, wondering why he’d taken her case to begin with. Looking at the judge, he said, “My client understands what will happen if she has another outburst. We can continue.”

Kristen watched Marlena as she was sworn in. The DA approached Marlena, and said, “You were kidnapped on the night of June 16, 1996, is that correct?”

“Yes,” Marlena replied softly.

“You were staying at Kristen DiMera’s home. Why was that?” Ms. Hamilton asked.

“Kristen had suggested to John that the children and I would be safer at her home. Her father had tried to kidnap me, and she felt her home would be safest.”

“So you were staying there on her suggestion?”

“Yes,” Marlena said. “I wasn’t comfortable at first, but I was worried about my children, so I decided we would stay there until Stefano was located.”

“Did anything out of the ordinary happen on the evening of June 16? Prior to your kidnapping?” Ms. Hamilton asked.

“Kristen came to my room with tea. She said, I seemed stressed, and she thought I might like something relaxing,” Marlena said.

“Kristen didn’t normally do things like that?”

Marlena said, “Nice things? Not towards me. No. Kristen pretended I wasn’t there. She seemed nice, but I never really felt that it was genuine. It felt forced.”

“After you drank the tea,” Ms. Hamilton asked, “what happened?”

“I started feeling incredibly sleepy within minutes. It was so odd. I tried to place my teacup back on the plate, but my vision became blurry, and it felt as if the table was moving. My cup tipped over on the plate, and that’s the last thing I remember from that night,” Marlena told her. “Until I woke up on the plane.”

John watched his wife give her testimony, and prayed it would be over soon. He’d done everything he could to try and make it so she didn’t have to do this, but Kristen’s lawyer had fought every suggestion. He refused to allow her to give a pre-recorded statement, he’d refused to allow her a written statement, and he’d refused to allow her to testify via video feed. John sat there with his stomach in his chest, as his wife relived every single trauma Stefano DiMera inflicted on her. He could only hope that Laura had prepared Marlena for this. 

Kristen’s lawyer, Mr. Palmer, stood up approaching Marlena, “Dr. Evans, do you consider yourself to be flirtatious?”

“No,” Marlena replied staring directly at him. This was the route he wanted to take, then. He wanted to make her out to be a flirtatious woman who’s behavior somehow got her kidnapped and assaulted.

“You don’t? Did you have an affair with John Black in 1992?”

“I did. That doesn’t make me flirtatious,” she responded. “That certainly doesn’t make it acceptable for someone to kidnap, and rape me, Mr. Palmer.”

Mr. Palmer was flustered for a moment, and then asked her, “Did a child result from that affair?”

“Yes,” Marlena said. “Although I’m not quite sure where your line of questioning is going.”

“Is it possible, that you somehow tempted Mr. DiMera? He was so tempted from your flirtations that he kidnapped you. Is it possible that his mental state could be questioned?”

“Stefano DiMera was absolutely suffering from delusions of grandeur. He thought himself untouchable. He thought himself to be an ardent lover sought out by all. None of that was true,” Marlena said. “I hated Stefano. That was no secret. Why would I flirt with him? Why would I tempt him? I hated him. The thought of him touching me disgusts me. When I thought…when I thought this pregnancy might be his, the first thought that came to mind was termination. The mere thought of carrying a child of his, a child that would have been borne of rape, was unbearable.”

“So this pregnancy isn’t Stefano’s child?” Mr. Palmer asked.

“No,” she said. “It’s my husband’s.”

“John Black? The same man you had an affair with in 1992? Is it safe to say that another affair took place while he was married to my client?”

“Yes,” she said. 

He smirked at her, “But you’re not flirtatious, Dr. Evans?”

“Mr. Palmer,” Marlena said seriously, “I could walk down the street naked, drunk, and flirting with every man I see, and that would still make it a crime to kidnap me and rape me. Are you insinuating otherwise?”

Judge Simmons said to Kristen’s lawyer, “Is there a point you’re trying to make, Mr. Palmer? Or is this more of the same? You trying to pull every witness through the mud, without actually making any headway? I’m losing my patience rapidly.”

Marlena shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to find a position that would relieve the growing ache in her back. She barely heard the conversation between Kristen’s lawyer, and Judge Simmons. Another ache deep in her back hit her, followed by an ache she recognized from previous pregnancies. A contraction. She focused on the pain. Braxton Hicks, maybe? 

Her internal thoughts were broken into by Mr. Palmer saying loudly, “No further questions. Although I reserve the right to recall this witness at a later date.”

The judge looked at Marlena, and said, “Dr. Evans, you can step down.”

Marlena stood, and a sharp pain cut across her abdomen, causing her to bend at the waist, and scream, “Oh, G-d! John!”

“Doc!” John shouted, rushing to her side. “Doc, baby…what’s going on?”

“I think, I might be in labor,” she said, panting through the pain. “I think I’m having—shit! Shit! Shit!” Marlena screamed again. The pains were coming quickly, close together. “John, we have to—we have to get to the hospital now!”

“You’re sure?” he asked her.

Marlena looked at him like he was crazy. Another pain tore through her, as he helped her from the witness stand, and then, Marlena’s water broke. “John!” she cried. “John the babies! My water just broke! It’s too early! The babies!”

Kristen, always the selfish one, screams, “Babies? Babies? Of course she’s having twins!”

Judge Simmons roared, “Bailiff! Take Ms. DiMera back to her cell. Mr. Palmer, you promised me, no more outbursts from your client! Court is adjourned for the rest of the day. This is a circus.”

John smiled at Marlena, leading her from the courtroom, “Well, this is a surprise, isn’t it?”

“A month early! John!” Marlena was scared, and worried about the babies.

Outside, John buckled Marlena’s seatbelt, and he kissed her softly, “Dr. Bader said they’re healthy. Their weight is good, Doc.”

“Oh, my G-d! John, I’m not ready! The room isn’t ready. I haven’t packed a bag—”

“—Doc, sometimes things don’t go as planned. Now, Let’s go have those babies,” he said. “Because they seem pretty impatient to arrive.”

Another pain shot across her abdomen, and Marlena screamed, “Fuck!”

“Yup,” John said, putting the car into drive. “Time to go.”

Chapter 36 

Epilogue – 2006

Only once, did a pair of lips on mine make me cry

Only once, for a pair of arms around me would I die

I will love you till I’m saved,

I will love you from my grave

And love like this can happen only once, only once

Only Once – Maria McKee

John stood at the the bottom of the stairs, and yelled, “Five minutes, or I’m leaving without you! Do you hear me?” He heard feet thundering along the hallway upstairs, and watched as the twins, now nine years old, practically tumbled over each other in their haste to get downstairs. He looked up to see blonde hair flying, and two sets of the most beautiful amber eyes.

“Sylvie was hogging the bathroom, Poppy!” Camelia shouted, even though she was right in front of her father.

“Millie left her clothes all over the floor of the closet, and I couldn’t find the dress Mom told me to wear!” Sylvie complained, smoothing over a very wrinkled navy blue dress with tiny red flowers along the skirt.

“So, it sounds like you slowed each other down,” John said. “Where’s Brady?”

“He’s getting Asher dressed, because he tied his necktie in a big bow,” Sylvie told him. “Brady’s fixing it.”

“And Belle?” John asked.

“Francis is talking to her about hormones, and how it’s okay to cry all the time now that she’s a woman,” Millie said with a laugh. “I swear, I won’t be such a cry baby when I get my period the first time.”

John could not even fathom what his life had become. A year after Sylvie and Millie were born, Marlena and John had Asher. Another unplanned pregnancy, and certainly a surprise, but they were ecstatic. Brady got the brother he’d wanted, and a red claw crab. Their house was now full. Brady was going on fourteen. Belle was nearing thirteen, and Asher was eight. There would be no more children. “Millie,” John said. “Run upstairs, and tell Francis and Belle we have to go, now. Then tell Brady and Asher to get a move on.”

Millie tipped her face up the stairs, and screamed, “Belle! Quit crying and get down here! Brady! Asher! Come on!”

Sylvie rolled her eyes, and said to her sister, “You are no use sometimes.” She ran up the stairs to fetch everyone.

“What did I do?” Millie asked innocently. She was so much like Sami, that she often had John remembering Sami when she was little. Sylvie’s personality was similar to Marlena, although physically they were every inch their mother, just like Belle. Asher took after John. He had black hair, and dark blue eyes. He was an adrenaline junkie, and had Marlena on the verge of a heart attack almost daily. 

John lifted the girl into his arms, and he said, “I love you Mill Bug.”

She smiled in her adorable way, and she laid her head on his shoulder, “I love you too, Poppy.”

Sylvie came back downstairs, holding Belle’s hand. John sighed, “Where is Francis? And Brady and Asher?”

“Francis had to change his shirt, because I cried all over it,” Belle whispered quietly. “He’s coming.”

Francis Ford, defunct ISA agent, finally came pounding down the stairs muttering out his apologies sheepishly. John looked at the burly man, and said, “Doc’s already got Jonathan and Forrest in the Jeep. Belle can ride with me and Doc, and Sylvie, Millie, and Asher can ride with you.”

“Can I ride with Francis?” Belle asked.

“Sure, but who’s going to ride with me and your mom?” John asked.

“I wanna ride with you and Mom,” Asher shouted jumping over the last three stairs to hit the floor with a loud bang.

Brady rolled his eyes, and said, “That’s fine. I don’t care.”

“Okay, let’s roll!” John said. “We are most definitely going to be late.”

“Why do we have Forrest and Jonathan?” Asher asked.

“Because today is Sami’s special day, and she and Lucas needed a break,” Belle told the boy softly.

“Those two are little demons,” Brady said. “It’s no wonder they need a break. Sami had the craziest set of twins. They were playing Power Rangers the other day, and Forrest broke the window.”

John reached for his son, and rubbed his knuckles on the boys head, “You’ve never broken anything, Brady? What about the fish tank?”

Brady said nothing, because his Dad was right. Jonathan and Forrest were two years old, and they were wild, but maybe that was normal. In Brady’s eyes, his family was nearly always a circus. 

Fifteen minutes later, John slid into the drivers seat of the Jeep, and Asher climbed into the third row seat in the very back. Marlena looked at John wearily, “We are late.”

“Doc, I know, and I apologize. There was some drama with the twins, Asher tied his necktie in a bow—”

“—it looked good!” the boy shouted. “Real good!”

“And, Brady had to fix it. Then Belle started crying, and Francis had to calm her down, but she cried all over his shirt and he had to change,” John said, running out of breath.

Marlena laughed, “And meanwhile, in the garage, Forrest screamed until he fell asleep, because he couldn’t figure out how to get out of the carseat, and Jonathan sang ‘This is the song that never ends’ until he fell asleep, because he was intent on driving me insane.”

Pulling out of the garage, John was quiet for a moment, and then asked her softly, so Asher couldn’t hear him, “Did you ever hear from Roman?”

“He’s not coming,” she said quietly. “He called Abe, and said he couldn’t get away from this assignment he’s on.” Marlena was silent for a long time, and then she whispered, staring at John as he drove, “I’m so glad Sami has you.”

“She will always have me,” John said. “She knows that.”

“She does, and she cares about you so much. She named her children after you…both of them,” Marlena said with a laugh.

John smiled wide, “She did, and I love those boys.”

Marlena reached for his free hand, lacing her fingers through his, “I’m so happy. Every day is loud, chaotic, noisy…and I love every moment of it.”

“Remember when you said the house was too big?”

“I lied,” Marlena laughed. “I was definitely wrong on that count.”

John parked the Jeep in front of the courthouse, and watched in the rearview mirror as Francis pulled up behind him. Turning to Marlena, he asked her, “Are you ready for this?”

“Do I have a choice?” she asked.

“No, but I already assigned buddies,” John told her. “Belle is with Sylvie. Brady and Asher. Millie sticks with me…and Francis is going to help all of us with Jonathan and Forrest, until Lucas shows up.”

Marlena took a deep breath, as if to ready herself for battle, and she said to Asher, “Hey bugga boo, let’s unbuckle, and get the twins ready.”

“Mom,” Asher said rolling his eyes. “I’m eight now. You gotta stop calling me that outside of the house.”

“There’s a surprise for you, Doc,” John said softly, glancing out the window of her door.

“A surprise? John we don’t need any surprises,” Marlena said. She heard her car door opening and turned quickly to see Eric standing there with a grin. “Eric? Eric! I thought you couldn’t make it?” she cried throwing her arms around her son.

“I lied,” he said, kissing her on the cheek and helping her from the car.

“Ain’t you a priest?” Asher yelled, doing a backflip over the seat and landing between the twins carseats. “They ain’t supposed to lie.”

Eric stared at his little brother, a child he hadn’t seen in five years, and regret washed over him, “You’re right, Asher. I was going for the element of surprise.”

“I love surprises,” Asher told him animatedly. “People walk by and I jump out from behind the couch! Surprise!”

“Asher,” Marlena said, while unfastening Forrest’s carseat, “that’s called scaring people. Not surprise.”

Asher was confused, and looked at his Dad, “But I yell, surprise.”

“Not the same, buddy,” John laughed. “Go on and get out of the Jeep. Hold Eric’s hand.”

“I ain’t a baby,” he said climbing out of the Jeep.

“No, but we are beside a busy roadway, and your father told you to hold Eric’s hand,” Marlena said, lifting a sleeping toddler to her shoulder.

John rounded the vehicle with Jonathan sleeping on him, and said, “We good?”

Eric glanced over his shoulder at his massive family, and said with a smile, “We’re good. Let’s go celebrate Sami.”

Fifteen minutes later, Samantha Gene Brady stood in the office of the Police Commissioner, Abraham Carver. Her smile was huge, and her pride was evident. Surrounded by family, she received her promotion, becoming the youngest Police Commander in the history of Salem, at the age of twenty-five. They were able to get everyone in attendance to be quiet for the five minutes it took Abe to get through what he needed to say. Then the silence was over. Cameras flashed for the newspapers, toddlers woke up, Asher started hopping around yelling, “I wish I was Spider-man!”

Sami lifted Jonathan from John’s arms, and looked at her Father. The man who would always be her Father, “I’m glad you came.”

“Peanut, nothing could have kept me away,” John told her, wrapping his arm around her. “Absolutely nothing. I am, and will always be, your Dad.”

“I know,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder and watching her family erupt into their normal disorganized, chaotic brand of family. She smiled to herself. There was a point in her life when this was all she had wanted. All she had hoped for, and she thought she’d never have it. Smiling up at John, Sami said, “I love you, Poppy.”

“I love you too, Peanut.”