She came to him because she knew he would never refuse.
She came to stand in front of the oak door to room 116 of the Salem Inn so that John could say he had been with her all night.
She didn’t need suspicion clouding her, and with Shawn so close and now Doug, God rest his now murdered soul, finding out, she needed John to help keep her murderous masquerade up. She would lie to him, tell him she was worried about him, wanted to talk about how nice it was of him to plan Valentine’s Day like he had. He wouldn’t ask too many questions. He was safe. He was blind to her evil side.
John had given her the second key to the room months ago when he had moved, ‘just in case’ as he had said, his eyes hopeful that they would reunite soon. This was the first time she had used it. She felt so strange opening the door to the place he now called home. The room smelled of him and it made her faint in her head, weak in her knees, and short of breath. She never could understand how he could always smell so masculine. She would almost feel the weight of him upon her as they made love and his scent enveloped her senses. Instinctively, her eyes moved to the bed, which was unmade, yet almost better that way because it was all the more inviting. Soft cotton sheets and goose feather pillows, a down comforter. She wanted to melt into the bed, into the soft fabric which had grazed his skin and been wrapped around his body. She wanted to sleep on the pillow, which he had slept on, and smell him on the sheets as she brought them up around her chin. Tearing her eyes away from the bed, her emotions almost erupting from within her chest, she took inventory of the rest of the room.
His jeans were folded neatly on the loveseat and his jacket from the tuxedo he had worn earlier that night at Tuscany was hanging neatly on the back of the wooden desk chair. She touched the collar of the jacket lightly and inhaled the scent of her husband. Putting her purse and her keys on the desk, she slowly unbuttoned her long black jacket and discarded it quickly before also removing her black turtleneck that felt to be suffocating her. Leaving both her coat and her shirt spilled in a pile on the floor, she replaced it with John’s tuxedo overcoat. She smiled as she slipped off her shoes, flinging them haphazardly across the room. She giggled at the absurdity of her actions as the shoes thumped against the wall at impact. Shrugging her shoulders, she let her black dress pants join the expensive other clothing on the floor as she continued to glance around the hotel room. Her eyes once again went to the beckoning bed, yet this time focusing in on a photo positioned on the nightstand besides the obnoxious red-lighted alarm clock that seemed to scream out the time.
She smiled as she walked quickly over to the nightstand, her hands shaking slightly as she picked up the picture of the two of them before any of the murders had happened. Before her mind became her own enemy and before her life became one of criminal intent. A park photographer had taken the picture, unknown to them, one summer day when they had picnicked underneath the big oak. The sunlight had tinged her hair almost golden and John’s eyes seemed to burn blue. She was looking straight ahead, in the picture, at a bird, or a child playing, she couldn’t remember now, but John was watching her. Her fingers grazed the smile upon John’s lips and she took notice of the way his eyes sparkled as he looked at her.
The photographer had said that moment was what he called “Shakespeare.” Marlena’s mind played like a movie as she remembered John asking why that photographer had chosen such a term for the photo. She could feel John’s hand the way it was that day when he had held her own as the photographer explained his reasoning.
“Anybody can tell you that Shakespeare was the best and the greatest of the written word. His words moved mountains and survived ages. When I look through the lens and see you and your wife and I see the way you look at her and the way she is so content with her hand gently placed in yours, I know that your connection is as real as Shakespeare’s words. Love and passion drip from this photo. Simply, this moment that the picture has frozen is Shakespeare because love is just as timeless as his words.”
The emotions that played inside her threatened to overtake her once more as she quickly replaced the picture on the nightstand where she had found it. She sat down upon the bed absentmindedly, wrapping the tuxedo jacket more tightly around her as the vulnerability of her situation accosted her. Where was he? Why wasn’t he home? It was late and despite her intentions for coming because of her need for an alibi, she wanted to see him just so she can look at him and get lost in his eyes once more.
Leaning back upon the bed, she sighed as she stretched her legs out, and felt the softness of the sheets upon her skin. For the first time in what seemed like years, she felt warmth again. Relaxing into the pillows she brought the comforter and the sheets up around her and felt him as if he was there, wrapping his arms around her.
John returned from the penthouse, dejected and worried about her whereabouts. He had gone over there to make sure she was okay. Victor’s death and Shawn’s accusations had rocked her, and he worried about her safety, her health, but more than anything he worried about how close she was to completely shattering. He could tell she wasn’t well. She had lost weight, and her eyes had lost their luster. The dance they shared earlier that night had been his first real glimpse in months at the woman he had fallen in love with. It felt so good at that moment to hold her in his arms like he had so many times before. He missed her. Her laugh in the morning waking him up when she discovered the wet spot on the pillow where he had drooled. The feel of her legs wrapped up in his own as they stretched out. The way her hair was always the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes at the start of each new day. The way the room would smell like her for hours after she had left. He could almost smell her now.
Or could he? Was that real? He swore he could feel her all around him as he reached in his jeans to pull out the silver key to his now home. He hated this place. He wanted to be in his own home, the one he shared with Marlena. He wanted to sleep in their bed, and shower in their shower…with her. Now her memories haunted him and he was left with no resolve or satisfaction. He felt like he would die of pain, as he opened the door and was invaded with the feeling of her. He closed his eyes as he walked into the room and closed the door behind him. He only opened them when he felt his feet step upon the soft fabric of the clothes Marlena had left on the floor. Looking down he knelt before the jacket, pants, and shirt and glanced around the room, until his eyes fell upon the sleeping body of his wife.
What was she doing here and why was she in his bed with her clothes on his floor? Not that he complaining he silently chastised himself. Oh, he was definitely not complaining. His wife naked in his bed was not something John, who had been without her love for months, was about to complain about. Walking over to her sleeping form, John slipped out of his leather jacket and allowed it to join her clothes on the floor. Sitting upon the bed, he moved the hair away from her eyes as he watched her sleep. He had always loved to watch her sleep. He couldn’t believe that something so beautiful could be real.
It felt like a dream, that she was there. It didn’t feel real as his fingers lost themselves in her hair. His senses seemed to be deceiving him as the feel of her leg, as his own gently brushed against hers, sent chills up his spine. The invasion of her scent made him feel faint. The sight of her so close to him made his heart race in a way that a grown man rarely feels anymore. He didn’t think as he leaned down to her lips. He just needed to kiss her, as Prince Charming had needed to kiss Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. Her lips were as soft as he remembered and he almost cried when he felt her respond. Her hand sneaked around his neck, as her lips played with his. Her legs peeked out from underneath the blankets and her eyes fluttered open.
Breaking the kiss hesitantly, John could only think of one this to say, and far from poetic it was.
“Hi.”
Marlena smiled a sleepy smile as she brought the blankets higher up around her chest.
“Hi.”
John smiled back at her, feeling his heart almost jump out of his chest at how innocent she looked at that moment. He felt like she was a string of pearls that could be broken and scattered so easily and it was his job to make sure that the little string that held the pearls that she was together, never broke.
He reached up to cup her face and for the first time in months, she let him touch her.
“I have to say, the tuxedo jacket looks a lot better on you then it does on me.”
Marlena laughed as she sat up, now remembering what she was wearing and how she had gotten into such a dreamy situation.
John almost choked as he saw her more fully in his jacket; the dip of the neck coming dangerously close to revealing her breasts to him. Her skin so touchable was tempting him like a siren from Greek mythology.
He swallowed hard as he spoke once more, “That was an understatement, that jacket looks so good on you, it makes me wanna take it off of you.”
Marlena laughed as she smiled mischievously at him.
“I don’t know, John, I thought it looked take-off-able on you as well. I know I thought it at least ten times tonight at Tuscany. You know how I get when I see you in a tux, other woman think I have the perfect husband who willingly wears a tuxedo, but I know that you know that you’ll get lucky if you wear one.”
John groaned as he felt himself respond to her words and their intended meaning.
“Doc, you know what us ‘lucky-seekers’ call women like you?”
Marlena smiled slightly as she looked at John and feigned seriousness.
“Angels?”
“Teases.”
Marlena laughed as she brought her finger up to tap John’s nose.
“I am no tease. Never have been and never will be.”
“Well you’ve sure been teasing me for the last couple of months. What are you doing in my bed, naked, in my tuxedo jacket?” John asked cautiously. Almost wishing he hadn’t said a thing once the words had left his mouth.
Marlena breathed in deeply and began to play with the wedding band on her finger. For the first time in months she didn’t feel the need to make up lies. She spoke the truth, a truth she didn’t even know until she had come there that night.
“I, um, I came here because I miss you. I’m in your tuxedo jacket because I saw it there and I wanted to feel you. I wanted to have something on my skin that had you on it. That smelled like you. So I could feel like you were holding me. I’m here because I’m scared and I feel like I am falling apart. Little by little I keep unraveling and I don’t understand myself anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing or why. I just wanna crawl up into a ball and hide under the covers with you forever.”
She began to cry and John reached out with shaking hands to dry the tears that smeared the mascara with them, leaving black rivulets down her cheeks.
“I, um, God, I’m so confused. I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know why I am acting like this or why I’ve hurt you and….everyone. I don’t know what has driven me to this point, but I feel like I’m out of control and the only thing that’s keeping me from just losing it all is you…and I keep pushing you away.”
Her speech was blurred and fast. Like a rambling confession.
“I need you. I need you so much. I keep getting lost in pictures of us. In songs. In memories. I keep waking up in the morning and reaching out for you and feeling like I am going to die because you’re not there. But then I look in the mirror and I feel so unworthy of you, you’re so good and safe. You’re John Black, Mr. Wonderful and I’m a horrid person. Horrid.”
John listened dumbfounded. His face wrecked in a slew of emotions and his body frozen with his hands gripping hers.
“Marlena…”
“No, no, let me talk. Let me get this all out. Don’t tell me that I’m wrong. I know what I’ve done, John. I know. I have nightmares about it. I can’t eat anymore. I can’t sleep. I can’t dream without seeing it all over and over. I can’t look at my own reflection, John. I can’t let someone touch me because I feel dirty. I hear all these voices in my head and I don’t know what to do with them. I don’t know what’s me and what’s not me. The only time I know who I am is when I am near you. Or when I remember what we were.”
John interrupted her, bringing his hand to once more wipe away her mascara tears.
“What we still are, baby. What we still are.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if this is forgivable. I don’t know if this is something we can get past. I don’t doubt that we could get through almost anything, but this is not an affair or Stefano. This isn’t This is bigger and I’m just so scared that when this all falls apart, you’ll look at me and walk away and I will have lost EVERYTHING. Everything, John. Everything. Because I’m so so so lost and I don’t know if you and I are strong enough to find me this time.”
“We can do anything, baby. Anything. We fought the devil. We looked Satan in the eye and told him that he was nothing….NOTHING…don’t you understand? We are strong enough to find you, together we can do anything baby. I don’t doubt that. I know that. I know that no matter what is eating you up so badly, we can get past it. My love for you is stronger than anything that you could have done.”
John reached over and tilted Marlena’s head up, so that their eyes connected.
“You just need help, Baby. That’s all. You need help and that’s okay.”
Marlena smiled weakly, as she looked at that man who was her last hope at a life she once knew.
“Don’t you even want to know?”
“Know what, honey?”
“What I’ve done?”
John looked at her, thinking in his head how much she looked like a shattered porcelain doll at that moment. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and protect her from her own mind.
“What I want right now, Marlena, is to take you in my arms, turn out the lights and hold you all night long until we both stop crying. Can I do that? Will you let me hold you tonight?”
Marlena never broke the eye contact as she nodded slightly. John shook his head and reached out his arms, the weight of the world feeling like it had left his shoulders when he felt her body melt into his.
She breathed in deeply the scent of him as she sniffled and grew once more acquainted with the feel of his arms.
“John?”
Her voice was so soft, she sounded like Belle.
“Yeah, Baby?”
“Can we forget everything tonight? Can we forget we live in Salem and that our lives are a mess. Can we forget that our marriage is a wreck and that we’re broken into a million pieces?”
“I’d like that a lot, honey. I’d like that a whole lot. Come on, lean back.”
John stretched out on the bed and felt Marlena’s tension melt away as she rested her head upon his chest. Her legs weaving their way into his own. Her hand instinctually resting upon his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, playing with her hair and breathing in the scent of her.
“I’ve missed this.”
He smiled when she said that. A smile he hadn’t smiled in a long time. The smile that was reserved for her.
“Me too.”
She looked up and her eyes, for the first time since he could remember, were hazel again, she smiled at him and then very softly, almost to the point where he could not hear her, she said three words that he thought he would never hear from her lips again.
“I love you. And when this is all over and the questions start and the why’s and the how’s begin, I want you to know I always loved you and I always will. Don’t forget that okay?”
John nodded wordlessly as he watched her rise up from his chest and bring her lips to his. Gently, she kissed him. Ending the kiss, she leaned into his ear and once again whispered, “I love you…I love you….I love you…I love you.”
She smiled at him one last time before returning to her resting spot on his chest. He whispered his love back to her and felt as her breathing became more shallow and sleep came to her at last. Pulling the covers up around her tighter. John smiled and repeated her earlier gesture…”I love you…I love you…I love you.”
John awoke in the morning, feeling as though he was waking from a dream. A dream in which the blonde haired angel he called his wife was wrapped in his arms, her blonde hair spilling over his shoulders, her fingers woven in his chest, and her legs tangled in his under the covers. He could almost feel the way her silky legs slid against his as they stretched and the way her nails gently scratched his chest, as she had every morning when they had lived in the same house.
He groaned as the morning sunlight spilled through the closed blinds, invading his eyes and making red appear beneath his eyelids. He was enjoying the feel of the dream too much; another morning without her there in his arms would be his unraveling. Awake, but refusing to open his eyes in fears of interrupting the delicious dream he was feeling all over his body.
“I’ll lie here all day with my eyes closed just to even feel like I have her in my arms.” John thought as he remained, his eyes like Belle’s, long ago when she pretended to be asleep: clenched tight with the little eye wrinkles giving away her fully conscious state.
He lay like that for a few minutes, listening as the city became alive outside the window. He listened as the cars started their engines and as the cleaning woman in the hotel began their ritual of pushing their carts of clean sheets, toilet paper, and rubbish down the carpeted hallways. He listened until he heard the sound of a woman sighing. He waited and then he heard the sound again. It wasn’t just any woman; this was the sound of his lover sighing. He felt her legs stretch out and he felt her hands on his chest as they dancing along the expanse of his stomach.
Throwing open his eyes, he inhaled deeply at the sight of the blonde hair he loved spilling across his chest. He watched her legs as they stretched out beneath the comforter, not the mention he could feel them, he watched as her fingers ran up and down his body, making him breath harder.
She groaned as he felt her body tense beneath his strong arms, and then she spoke groggily. “Don’t wake me up, this is the most amazingly delicious dream I have ever had.”
He laughed then, at the irony of their similar thoughts upon waking up.
“Baby, you’re not dreaming.”
She stilled them and he watched as her head lifted slightly, her eyes open as she look up at him. Her eyes dancing as she saw that her dream was a reality.
“Mhhh…this is better than a dream.” She giggled as she brought her head back to rest upon his chest. “I forgot how good it feels to wake up in your arms.”
Her hands continued to lay with his chest, getting lost in the coarse hair that covered it. Her fingers circling his nipples, then outlining his abs.
“Tell me about it, Doc. I woke up about ten minutes ago and I kept my eyes closed because I thought I was dreaming and then I heard you groan as you woke up and I nearly had a heart attack to hear you.”
“How about we lie here all day and just pretend outside doesn’t exist?”
John laughed, stopping her hands as they continued to play across and down and dangerously across his chest. “Baby, if you don’t stop teasing me with your fingertips you are gonna find yourself pinned down and doing a lot more than pretending the world doesn’t exist.”
Marlena giggled as she raised her head. Looking up at him she smiled, that same smile John swore could make him do, buy, or say anything for. With her legs she glided up and down his. Silk meeting rough as she watching his face blush with the intensity of his feelings.
“I’ve missed this so much, John.”
John smiled as he swallowed hard, trying to control his hormones as her legs ran up and down his.
“What exactly have you missed, Doc?”
Marlena smiled as she removed her hands from his.
“I missed this chest.”
Her hands busied themselves once more, circling his hardened nipples, weaving their way through his chest hair. Leaning down she gently kissed the taut skin and heard as his heart began to beat faster.
“I missed this stomach.” Marlena began to slowly trace once more the outlines of his abdominal muscles with her finger nails, scurrying her body further down she kissed each of the six muscles that were so splendidly shaped. With a menacing smile, she stopped abruptly, looking up at him.
“and I think you know the rest.”
She moved to disentangle herself from him, when he stopped her abruptly, running his hands down her still tuxedo jacket clad arm.
“I think I need a reminder…” He grinned seductively.
Marlena returned his smile and once again began her testimony on what she had missed about waking u in his warm embrace.
“Now where was I?”
“You were missing my stomach.”
“Oh, yes, yes I did miss this stomach.” She nodded as she brought her lips to kiss around his navel, her hair tickling his skin as she left kiss marks that cooled as she removed her lips from his skin.
“I also missed…” she began as she allowed her fingers to dance down the sheet covering his thigh. She could feel his muscles jump as she danced her nails along them.
“your knees.” She said as she allowed her fingers to massaged his right knee.
“My knees?” He choked as he fought back lustful thoughts of her beneath him screaming out her passion.
“Mmmm..yes, your knees,” she said as she pulled back the covers. John inhaled deeply when he say her bare legs, his eyes dancing up to where the tuxedo jacket stopped right on her upper thigh.
“I love your knees, because I love to watch as I run my hands up your thigh to…” she ran her hand up his still denim clad leg.
“To?”
She smiled wickedly as she licked her lips.
“To the part of you that responds so well to my little seduction.” She watched his face as she danced her fingers over the sensitive part of his now slightly bulging jeans.
“But I’ll save that part for last, because it is my second favorite part of you.”
“Second favorite,” he chocked out as her hands danced back up his chest and stopped when they got messied in his hair.
“Yes my second. If you must know the part of you I missed and love the most if your lips.” She brought her face close to his, their lips separated by breath only.
“They’re so kissable. Soft, yet strong. They know exactly where to kiss me and how I like to be kissed…all over my body.”
She lowered her lips to kiss his, but warned him before taking his lips in hers, “Don’t move, this is my game, baby.”
He nodded silently, his hands remaining on her arms, yet not moving.
She kissed him gently. Her lips softly sucking on his before he felt her separate his own lips. His breathing swallowed as he felt her tongue begin its tango with his. As the intensity of the kiss grew, he felt her slowly break away, her eyes now glazed over in desire.
“I, um, I also missed your fingers.” She gave him a smile that made his heart jump and his body respond, as he felt her remove his hands from her arms and bring his fingers to her mouth.
“I love these fingers. I love how the feel when they hold me, I love how your hand is always there to hold and how it feels when these very fingers run through my hair. I love the things these fingers do to my body. How they can work me up into such a state of passion that I forget everything except you.”
Brining his ring finger to her lips she slowly brought it into her mouth, intimating a gesture he knew all to well. He felt himself stiffen and groaned from the pain of her ministrations.
“Doc?”
“Mmmm?” She replied as she continued to symbolically suckle at his ring finger. “Am I doing something wrong?” She teased.
“Oh God no. No, no no, you are doing everything right, I just…um, I just…”
“She brought her free hand down to slowly unbutton his jeans. He moaned loudly as he felt the zipper give way and sighed a sigh of passion as he felt her hands gently massaged him through his boxers.
“Maybe we should take off these pants, eh? They seem so…tight…right now.”
He nodded, speechless now.
He felt as she pulled the pants down his legs, yet his eyes were focused on the way the tuxedo jacket revealed little bits of her body. He could see the curves of her breast, the slight curve of her rear.
“Is that better, baby.” She asked sweetly as she crawled back up to him, straddling him now.
He nodded once more. His hands moving to rest on her hips.
“I also missed your ears.” She said as she leaned over, her chest now completely visible as the tuxedo jacket fell forward. John tested his boundaries and slowly brought his hands up, gliding them along her ribs and stopping when he reached the buttons of the expensive jacket.
“I love your ears because they too are so kissable. I remember when we would watch a movie together, and I would rest my head on your shoulder and every once in a while I would look up to just look at you and I would just want to take these ears and nibble on them. You always did like that, when I nibbled… and bit… and licked… and kissed them.”
She did each action as she said it. She watched as his chest began to moisten with sweat. A sure sign of his frustration and the intense emotions she was playing with.
“Honey? It’s awfully hot right now, do you think, maybe, you could, um, help me with this jacket?”
Marlena smiled sweetly as she whispered in his ear. She felt John’s fingers as they quickly ripped the jacket off of her. Golden buttons pinged against the floor as they landed.
Straightening her body out now, Marlena smiled as she watched his eyes wander her body. Brining her hand to cup her breast, she smiled down at him.
“That’s much better. Don’t you think?”
John nodded once more as his hands rested on her thighs, slowly traveling up and down the soft satin skin.
“Now, I think we should return to where I left off a little while ago…remember my second favorite part of you?”
John groaned as he felt her body slide down his, taking his boxers with him.
“Yes there is my second favorite part. So definitively masculine.”
She stared into his eyes as she took him in her hands, watching his breathing quicken as she continued with her ministrations.
“I love the pleasure I can bring to this part of you. I love the pleasure this part of you brings to me.”
She brought her lips to him and took him fully in her mouth. He tangled his fingers in her hair as she watched her bring him to the point of no return.
Not completing her task, she stopped abruptly and looked up at John with adoration in her eyes.
“I missed every part of you, baby. Every single part of you.”
John smiled at her lovingly as he raised her up to his lips, tasting him about her.
“Can I move now?” He asked as he ran his hands down her back.
“As long as you move in the direction of making love to me.”
“I have no other plans than to make love to you for the rest of the day and night. I want to hear you, I want to feel you, I want to make you remember the feeling you get in every pore. I want to brand you with my touch.”
She smiled as she brought her legs up to his rest on either side of his center.
“That sounds wonderful and so very intense.”
“It will be.” He said as he slowly rolled them both to a different position.
“But as for right now, I want to let you know every part of you that I missed, and I am going to start with my second favorite.”
He smiled wickedly as he lowered himself down her body.
Outside the cleaning lady stopped as she heard the sounds of lovemaking from within room 116. Blushing slightly she put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door as the sound of a headboard against the wall resonated from within.
The Jarlena Journal 