The Sound of Falling Glass
Shattered….
Like a window pane broken by a storm
Each tiny piece of me lies alone
And scattered far beyond repair
All my shiny dreams just lying there…..
John Black sat in his office at Alamain Industries staring at the set of official government documents that arrived by messenger, his eyes starting to glaze over. He had read them more than a dozen times and the writing hadn’t changed; they indicated the same astounding truth they did the first time he read them over an hour ago now. “Oh my God!” was all he could come up with as a reaction at the moment, he must have said it a hundred times by now, sometimes out loud and sometimes silently in his mind. Each time he quickly went back to his silent, but intense contemplation of what was to be his next move.
John paced and alternately talked to himself in his mind and then out loud. Sometimes he could think better when he was moving. How could he possibly allow himself to believe it? It couldn’t be true… not this, never in a million years could it be true. He wanted to know about his past more than anything else in his life at this point. With Marlena’s strong encouragement, he began pursuing it with a vengeance, but if he had known what he would find out…. Oh, how can I tell anyone about this? They all know about this information coming today… Oh, God! No, NO! It has to be lies.. it’s all lies!!” He was shaking his head violently… but the signature belonged to someone he trusted without a doubt. Shane Donovan would never make a mistake about something like this, he was so thorough, but he had to know how upsetting it would be to learn this news. Why wouldn’t he tell John something like that in person?
As he was lost in deep thought, and his powerful emotional reaction to the information in front of him, the phone rang, jolting him to an alert state of awareness. He looked at the clock, it was 6:00Pm. John Black was supposed to be at the Pub celebrating the anniversary of his first year in marriage with Marlena, their three children and the rest of his unofficially adoptive family. The Brady’s had embraced him and his love for Marlena. Even Roman had gotten past all the anger and jealousy and their friendship was renewed. He had finally moved on and seemed to be enjoying the dating world, seeing different women on the Salem Police force which he rejoined shortly after getting a clean bill of health.
Life was going along wonderfully for John and Marlena Black; their first year of marriage was gloriously happy, allowing them to give Belle and Brady the family they always dreamed of having. Kristen was in a high security psychiatric facility, Peter was in jail, and a new case was being built on Stefano, who was still playing the role of good citizen. But John, Bo, and Abe were hopeful that someday soon the mountain of evidence of the monster’s involvement in the death of Susan Banks would come together in an arrest. John felt horrible when it first happened and he wanted the man to pay for the crime of taking the woman’s life, but he was proud to be raising the child he once thought was his and he was truly happy for the first time in a decade. Even Victor seemed to be recovering from his stroke and Brady would have another Grandparent to love him and occasionally spoil him rotten. Life was very sweet for John and Marlena Black. All their hopes and dreams were finally coming true, at long last. It was magical, like a fairytale ending. It was almost too good to be true…..
I’m shattered…
Into fragments cold and gray……..
‘And now…. what? Oh, God!’ He didn’t want to answer the phone… what if it was Marlena… how could he cover up being so upset? She could read him like a book these days… or..his children. ‘Oh… God….. they were.. Oh… no! What have I done?’ John’s anxiety level was increasing by the second… But then the thought occurred to him, ‘What if it was Shane calling?’
Deciding that he had to know, he answered tentatively. “Hello?” he asked, doing his level best at forcing the emotion out of his voice, knowing he was only partially successful.
“John is that you? It’s Shane.. did you get the information?” the caller asked, knowing he had by the shallow rapid breathing on the other end of the phone.
“Yes, Shane… is it..” he started to ask, not able to complete the question, even with this old and trusted friend.
There was a long painful pause and then a barely audible answer, “Yes… it’s reliable information. John I believe it’s true… I’m sorry I couldn’t be there in person before you read it, but I’m coming to Salem…tonight. I know it’s hard, but try to stay… calm about this… allright?”
“Calm… you expect me to stay… calm. Shane, I don’t mind telling you… I’m a wreck about this!!” His hands were trembling as he held the telephone and his voice shook with a myriad of emotions as he asked a question nobody could answer for him, “What in the… hell… am I gonna tell Marlena? She’s waiting for me right now.. at the Pub with all the Brady’s. They’re throwing us a party to celebrate our first anniversary. Oh, My God Shane! What am I gonna tell Doc?” he asked, near tears, wishing his friend could answer that question, but realizing the instant he uttered the words that no one could answer it for him.
Shane Donovan could literally feel the awesome torrent of turmoil that packet of information had plunged his friend into and he had to do something to forestall some tragic outcome. “John.. hang in there, I’m coming tonight and I’ll tell you everything I know, and we’ll figure out what to do next. Please don’t… do anything foolish, promise me John!! Promise me!!”
Deceptively calm, John replied affirmatively, “Yea… alright, I promise. But, you better hurry my friend.. you better hurry.”
When he hung up the phone, John labored to draw upon every mental discipline he had ever learned to force down the shocking truth and the pain that was slowly creeping into his heart and soul. He labored valiantly to eliminate any outward sign that he was anything but a very happy man about to celebrate his first anniversary in marriage to the most wonderful, most beautiful woman in the world. He struggled to expel all the negative thoughts and emotions and rid himself of any indication that he was something other than the luckiest, most fulfilled husband and father on the face of the planet. Standing up and pacing for awhile longer, he gave himself a pep talk, “Come on, John.. you can do this.. you can go over there and make her happy. You can smile and laugh and be happy too. Come on.. Black…” He stopped short.. as a part of him, though horrified at the mere thought of it, acknowledged the remote possibility that the information gathered by his friend was indeed accurate. That part of him began to speak it out loud, “No…not.. Black..” his name was… Again, he stopped, the other part of his soul, the part that would NEVER believe it was thinking, ‘No.. he couldn’t say it. If he ever said it he would be lost. Totally, completely and forever lost. It just couldn’t be true. Shane had to be wrong about it, he just had to!! Shaking his head in disbelief once more, John said forcefully through clenched teeth, “No, NO! I won’t believe it! It just CAN’T be true!”
Then the phone rang again, and he knew he had to answer it. Instinctively he knew it was Marlena and if he didn’t pick up, she would worry. They were very good about checking in with each other frequently after everything that had happened to them. “John.. honey.. where are you?” Marlena started anxiously, before he could even say hello. “John.. we’re having a party, remember?”
“Uh.. yea.. I’m.. sorry.. I.. uh, just got.. tied up here at the office, Doc.. I’ll be right there.” He said it as calmly as he could muster, but he knew some of his anxiety and distress snuck through in his hesitant manner and his tone.
Something was wrong; she sensed it the second he had opened his mouth to speak. “Honey.. what’s wrong? You sound.. upset. Did something happen today?”
Sweep the pieces all away
Then no one will ever know how much it mattered…….
John was still amazed by her ability to determine his moods and he scrambled for an explanation that would satisfy her. “No.. I’m fine, just a little.. preoccupied with an important contract, that’s all. I’m really sorry, I’ll be right there. Bye, Doc.” He finished hastily, hoping to avoid any further discussion. John needed a little more time to push his reaction down so that he could function, as close to normal as possible during the celebration.
On the other end, she frowned slightly, but decided to take him at his word. This was an exciting night and she didn’t want to focus on anything unpleasant. “Well, okay.. if you’re sure that’s all it is, John. I’ll be waiting. Everybody is so happy for us, John. All our dreams are coming true, aren’t they honey?” she asked, excitedly. She was as happy as she could ever remember feeling in her entire life. Marlena was finally married to the man of her dreams and they were well on their way to a long and happy life together. The kids were all adjusting well to typical family life, even the newest addition to the family, little Evan Black, who wasn’t so little anymore. It seemed that he sometimes ate more than Belle and Brady combined.
Weakly John agreed; it was the best he could manage, when in the instant she spoke the words, his heart was starting to feel the pain. “Uh.. yea.. they are, Doc.. Listen, I’ll see you in a couple of minutes, okay? “Sure, John in a few minutes. Happy anniversary sweety!” she said happily.
Flatly he returned her comment, wanting to hang up before he started to break down, “Right.. happy anniversary, baby.” Some anniversary gift he had just received, he thought sarcastically, the only news that could conceivably break them up for good.
Something deep inside of me
Shattered….
Celebration of Love
The Brady Pub was decorated in brightly colored streamers, the atmosphere was festive and all that was left was for the other half of the couple for whom the celebration was planned to arrive. Caroline had lots of food prepared as usual. Maggie and Laura were helping put the finishing touches on the tables. Brady and Belle, who didn’t quite understand what the party was all about, were trying hard not to run inside because they were very excited. Parties at Grandma and Grandpa’s were always so much fun because they got lots of hugs and yummy desserts, and they could play with Abby and Will, and see their cousins Shawn-Douglas, and Andrew and Jeannie too, now that Kim had decided to move home to Salem permanently.
Phillip and Kimberly had finally gotten a divorce. Their careers had caused them to move in different directions and Phillip could never get past the idea that she had always carried a torch for Shane Donovan. She steadfastly denied it, but if she were being completely honest with herself she would have to admit that it was true. There was a tiny part of her that believed that even after everything that had happened between them, they would find their way back together. When she had made the decision to move home to Salem, Kim didn’t even know where he was, but she had a feeling deep inside that her life was about to go in some very different directions and that Shane Donovan was going to be a part of the changes.
Though sad about the divorce, the entire Brady clan was very pleased about her decision to come home. ‘Now, only if Kayla would do the same, life would be so sweet,’ thought Caroline Brady as she surveyed the Pub filled with most everyone she loved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was shortly after 6:30 when Marlena closed up her cell phone with a slightly puzzled expression on her face and Hope, who was standing nearby holding Evan, noticed it and had to ask. “Marlena.. what is it?”
Reviewing the brief conversation in her mind, she said, “I don’t know… it was.. something in John’s voice. Something is bothering him, but he denied that anything was wrong.”
“Hmm, well.. he probably didn’t want to do anything to spoil your day.. or your night. It’s your anniversary, you know,” the young woman said with a fun teasing smile.
Wanting to think only of that happy occasion, Marlena dismissed her concern in favor of those good feelings. “Yes.. it is. Oh, Hope.. this has been the best year of my life. Finally being with John the way I’ve dreamed of being for so long. We’ve had so much fun, just being with each other and the kids. Nothing fancy, nothing outlandish.. just family times.. it’s what I’ve always wanted.”
Hope had to tease her about how the marriage started out, knowing she would enjoy remembering, “Except that honeymoon.. that was fancy and outlandish and….”
Sighing contentedly and smiling with a slightly hypnotic expression as some images from their month long trip through Great Britain and Western Europe came to mind, Marlena nodded as she interrupted and picked up where Hope was leading, “And grand and glorious… and extravagant. Okay, so he spoiled me there… but since then, it’s been pretty ordinary… which is just the way we both wanted it to be.”
“Well, I must tell you Marlena.. being Mrs. John Black looks very good on you. You seem happier and even more beautiful than ever before since you two said your I do’s, one year ago today.”
Glad to be talking about such happy times, Marlena reminded her young friend of her reason to smile, “Speaking of I do’s.. my friend, your nuptials are coming up pretty soon. Are you ready?”
“Are you kidding, I’ve been ready for years!” Hope exclaimed, “but.. don’t tell Bo that, I don’t want him to think I’ve been pining over him.” Her smile gave her away.
“Even though you have,” Marlena said with a playful wink and a hug. “Just like I didn’t want John to think I was. But.. I was alone for several years.. it was sort of hard to deny. He was so good about it. I love him so much, Hope. Sometimes, I still wake up and find it hard to believe that we finally have a chance to live out our dreams together. I am so thankful and I won’t ever take our love for granted again.”
Hope agreed, saying “I hear you there. As much I tease about being independent and not needing Bo. I couldn’t make it without him. I am so glad that he finally broke all his ties with Billie and she went back to Paris. She was my friend once, but toward the end she was so selfish and manipulative. I’m not glad she lost the baby, but I hate to think how that child would have turned out, with her using him to keep Bo tied to her, it’s really sad.”
“I can understand that.. I shudder to think what would have happened if Kristen ever got a hold of Susan’s baby again and raised him herself. I’m so glad that Stefano hasn’t tried anything, since we got custody rights. He’s too concerned about his image, but one of these days.. I’m afraid he will. John thinks Abe, Roman, and Bo are going to be able to pin Susan’s death on him soon, and John has private security protecting me and the children around the clock, but I know Stefano. If he really wants Evan, he’ll do whatever it takes to get him.”
“Oh, Marlena, I hope you’re wrong about that.” Hearing the baby’s new name reminded her of something she had been meaning to tell John and Marlena for months. Wanting to change to subject to something more pleasant, Hope said, “By the way.. I never really did tell you how clever that was.. changing his name and calling him little Evan all the time, so it was similar to little Elvis.. which I knew you didn’t want to call him,” she finished with a teasing smile.
Marlena chuckled about it as she remembered Susan and her love of Elvis Presley. “Thank you.. Yes, as much as I loved Susan.. that name just wouldn’t work for John and I, so we tried very hard to come up with something that was similar sounding for the baby’s benefit. He’s responded quite well to it and pretty soon I think we can just start calling him Evan. Besides, it made my parents very happy to have our name in the family that way. They absolutely adore him.”
Hope gave Marlena a warm smile, and said, “I’m so glad things are working out for you and John. It makes me feel better about Bo and I. Seeing you two together and happy after everything you went through.. I just know it’s going to happen for us too.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Over at the bar, the phone was ringing. Abe Carver looked all around and didn’t see anyone, so he picked it up. “Brady Pub, Abe Carver here.”
“Abe.. oh, hello there.. I was just checking. Is John there yet?”
“Hi Bo. No.. he’s not here, why what’s up?”
“Well, nothing really.. I just have this strange feeling something’s going on with him. I saw him down on the pier earlier today and he was so.. preoccupied. Did you run into him today?”
“Yes.. I did, he was the same way with me. He said he was doing some research into his past and that he was hoping to get some information this afternoon. I wonder if he got it.”
“Yea, me too, he’s been working hard on putting some of the pieces together lately. I hope he finds what he’s looking for.”
“Me too, listen Bo.. are you and Roman coming tonight? Things are starting to get into full swing, I think you two and John are the only ones who aren’t here yet. Hope is here with Shawn-D. if that gives you any incentive,” he added with a slightly taunting tone of voice.
“Yea.. okay, we’re on our way, that’s one of the reasons I was calling. And, yes… it helps to know she’s there. We’ll be right over. Roman’s talking to his new lady friend.. you know.. Connie Brasco, and you know how he is..”
Abe laughed at the thought of Roman trying to work his inherited Irish charms on the red haired beauty, who had recently joined the Detectives Unit. “Alright then, I’ll let everyone know what’s up and hope to see you soon, if you can drag him away. And if you can’t.. tell him to bring her along.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Abe was hanging up, he looked up toward a noise at the front door and saw John, before he made eye contact with anyone. For a fleeting second Abe thought he saw soul penetrating pain in those deep blue eyes he knew so well after all these years. Abe also knew that by the time he was at his friend’s side that pain would be gone and if asked, John would deny it was ever there. ‘What’s going on with you today, buddy? Something happened to upset you.. a lot and if I were a betting man I’d say that it has to do with your past,’ he was saying to himself, as he approached his best friend.
Putting his concern aside for the moment, in favor of the reason for the party, Abe walked over to his friend with a wide smile. Patting John on the shoulder, he said with a grin, “Hey.. John.. Happy Anniversary you son of a gun. You made it.. you’re happily married to the woman of your dreams, you’re raising your family together… three little people to carry on your name.. what more could you ask for, huh?”
Abe couldn’t know that as he uttered his last statement, John felt like there was the sharpest of swords piercing his heart and going clear through to his soul. Passing on the family name.. ‘Dimera.. Oh, God.. What if it *is* true and I’m a Dimera.. my kids are all Dimera’s too. Oh.. my God.. what have I done?’ John was lost in thought and Abe could see that he was troubled when he should be very happy. “John.. what is it, did I say something wrong?”
John recovered quickly and pasted the happy smile back on his face, saying reassuringly, “Oh.. no, Abe… I’m sorry, I’m just a little distracted tonight. Work.. you know.. contract time. I’m really sorry. To answer your question.. you’re right, I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of and I couldn’t be happier.” He worked at finding his normal smile, but despite his concerted effort it was a much subdued version.
Abe knew it too. John had skirted the issue quite nicely, but he was definitely distressed by something important. Deciding it was better left unsaid for the moment, he went with John’s redirection. Pointing toward the booth across the room, Abe said, “Well, there’s that lovely lady of yours, why don’t we go on over and let her know you’re here.”
“Sounds good to me partner,” John said, realizing he needed to do a much better job of hiding his feelings with Marlena than he had just done with Abe. She seemed to read his moods before he ever opened his mouth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As they walked over to the booth where she was sitting with Hope and Evan, he immersed himself in thoughts of only her.. and the two of them together, of only happy times, and soon he found his gleeful grin. “Hey.. Doc.. Happy Anniversary, honey!” he said excitedly, handing her one long stemmed pink rose and a card. Hope immediately stepped out of the booth, taking Evan with her over toward the bar, where Shawn and Caroline were standing. Abe also took a step away to give them a little privacy.
Marlena melted to hear the adoring love in his voice, and she planted a juicy kiss on his hopeful lips. “Happy Anniversary to you too, honey.” They had exchanged presents earlier in the day and planned a private celebration after the family party, so she wasn’t disappointed.
As he held her close, he said with an air of mystery, “There’s another gift or two.. back at the house.. when we’re through here, and one.. that I have to.. demonstrate for you.”
“Ooh, I like the sound of that, and John… I have a very similar gift for you. Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?”
Just smelling the sensual aroma of her perfume and thinking of being with her still aroused him powerfully and he knew he better pull out of the embrace before it became obvious to observant onlookers. John had changed into some fairly close fitting shorts. “Uh.. yea.. it.. uh.. does make me wonder.” He couldn’t resist temptation and kissed her again,”I can’t wait to get you alone, Doc,” he said with quiet intensity.
“Oh, I know…” she whispered seductively, “but.. first we have a party to enjoy. And, John… everybody is.. watching us.. right now,” she finished, as she blew in his ear.
That sent shivers down his spine, and he said with ragged breaths, “Oh.. Marlena, you are… killing me here.” Steeling himself to squelch his aching desire, he reluctantly let her go and stepped a way from the warmth of her body next to his, yet placing her strategically in front of him until his body cooled slightly. Blowing out a long breath and forcing the redness to move out of his cheeks he turned to face the murmuring crowd. “So.. I.. uh.. guess there’s a party going on here.”
The gathering of friends and family laughed at that and then Mickey had to say something, “John.. from the looks of you two, I’d think that this was the day before your wedding not a party celebrating your first anniversary. I would have to say that, *that* is a very good sign for your marriage.”
John grinned sheepishly, Marlena blushed slightly, and everyone laughed and then Shawn raised a glass to make a toast. “To John and Marlena.. may they always keep the home fires burning and may they share a lifetime of love and laughter with all of us. Happy Anniversary!” A chorus of cheers was heard all around and they drank the toast to love. Then the party began in earnest. Belle and Brady came running over to hug them both shouting excitedly, “Happy Anniversarary Mommy and Daddy!” Then Brady stopped a second as if to think, and asked, “Did we get it right?”
Marlena and John pulled them close and Marlena said, “Yes.. you got it just right sweetheart. Happy Anniversarary to you too.” John laughed and snuggled them up and they were… happy. For in that moment, John’s worries floated right out of his mind. This was a time of celebration of their love and commitment with all the family and friends who had supported, encouraged, and guided them through all the years apart, and nothing could be allowed to spoil it for any of them.
Sick to My Soul
The party was still going strong, but John’s ability to feign great joy was fading fast and he found himself wondering when Shane Donovan was going to show up in Salem. As he looked out the front window of the Pub, he got his wish, seeing the tall and slender man’s figure approaching. John knew that outline, that walk–it was Shane Donovan. Turning to glance back at the party, he determined that Marlena was having so much fun talking about all the latest achievements of her little munchkins that she wouldn’t miss him if he left for a little while. John quietly slipped out the door, unnoticed by anyone.
“Well, if it isn’t the Governor himself,” John said, working to sound pleased to see Shane. Truthfully, he was, he just didn’t like the circumstances that resulted in the Englishman’s visit to Salem. ” Hi, John… I came as soon as I could. I’m sorry about the timing of all this. I know tonight is supposed to be one the happiest times of your life.” Trying to keep the pain at bay, John replied as a matter of fact, “That couldn’t be helped, Shane.. information comes along when it does. You had no control over that. So… what else have you got for me? Something to prove it isn’t true, I hope,” he added, knowing it wouldn’t be the case, yet still wishing.
Sighing, Shane said apologetically, “I’m sorry, John… I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but it’s all true. Almost everything I’ve got has been confirmed by two to three different sources, as well as a document.” John felt something deep in his heart and soul dying, slowly withering away each time Shane spoke so strongly about it, but he had the presence of mind to say, “We better go someplace else to talk about this. Let’s head over by the pier, it’s usually pretty quiet this time of night.”
Shane nodded, but glanced back toward the Brady Pub. He saw Kimberly and did a double take, and his heart stopped. He hadn’t allowed himself to think much about her recently, but seeing her.. looking as beautiful as ever, enjoying her family.. brought back so many memories of their love. Recognizing the reason for the delay in their progress, John touched his old friend on the arm and said, “She’s.. divorced from Philip now, Shane.. and I’ll let you in on a not so well kept secret. She hasn’t said anything about it directly, but… I think she still loves you.”
Shane’s eyes lit up and he whipped his head around to see if it were true and then had to hide what he considered to be an undignified amount of enthusiasm. “Do you really believe that or are you just saying it to..” he started to ask, but was interrupted.
“Shane.. I love her like a sister, you think I’d steer you wrong and take the chance it would upset her? No… I think she still cares a lot about you and if you.. play your cards right, you might have a chance with her, providing of course that you still love her.”
“You know I do.. John. I just let my pride get in the way. That’s what kept us apart all those years ago. I let her slip away from me when I still loved her,” Shane admitted mournfully.
John sighed in commiseration, ” Believe me, I know the name of that tune. Marlena and I missed out on several years when we could have been together.. for a lot of reasons. We finally got our second chance.. maybe you’ll get yours.”
Somewhat hopefully, he said, “Yes… maybe we will.” Turning his attention to the matter at hand, Shane changed the subject, “Well, anyway.. shouldn’t you tell Marlena where you’re going or did you tell her already?” he asked searching the man’s face.
“No… I didn’t want to ruin her night. She’s been so happy lately… I just couldn’t take that away from her.”
“And…. there’s something else, John.” Suddenly, it dawned on him what it might be. “John… you don’t really think she’ll… leave you because of this… do you?”
John stepped up to the window and peered inside, his eyes scanning the room for his wife. Then, he pointed and said, “Look at her, Shane… look at how happy she is… look at that incredible smile. She thinks she’s married to John Black, formerly Roman Brady.. former Priest.. all around good guy.” Turning back toward Shane, the smile faded and the bitterness that was starting to creep into his heart came out in his tone. “Not the son of Stefano Dimera… the son of a man she loathes, a man who has hurt her immeasurably and taken years from her life. Can you imagine what it’s going to do to her when she finds out?”
Understanding the fear, he gave his opinion of what might be the case, “John… of course it’s going to upset her and maybe she’ll need some time to adjust to it. And there might be some strain in your relationship for awhile, but John…I remember how much she loved you all those years ago and I can see it now. She’s happy because of you, John.. not because of your name. If that was all it was about, she would still be with Roman.”
Smiling weakly, thankful for the other man’s much more rational take on the situation, John said, “Yea… that’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself and if it were anything else about my past.. I’d say I agree with you, but this is Stefano Dimera we’re talking about. I’m afraid that when she finds out, it’s going to.. freak her out and she’s gonna leave me.. Hell, Shane… I mean.. what if I turn out like Tony… and Kristen.. they tried to fight his influence.. and look what happened to them.”
Finally beginning to walk away from the Pub, Shane had to stifle a laugh because that fear seemed totally ungrounded, almost ludicrous to him. He tried to get his friend to think rationally, though he knew with this subject matter it would be a strain for anyone. “John.. come on, you have to know that won’t happen. You are a good man, and if that were going to happen, it would have already. He may be your biological father, but he had no influence in your life, at least in terms of the kind of person you’ve become.”
“Okay… you’ve got a point there.. but, if it’s true.. my kids are his grandchildren… you think he’s just going to leave us alone?”
“I don’t know.. probably not. Listen, John.. I don’t think..”
As they arrived at the pier and descended the stairs, John wasn’t listening any more. He was lost in those negative disbelieving thoughts again, “My father… God.. do you have any idea what it feels like to hear you say that Stefano Dimera is my father, to think that I came from such.. evil, that his tainted blood flows in my veins?” Shaking his head, he was still incredulous, “All this time…. and what he did to me… to think that my own flesh and blood could.. steal my life away, lock me up in chains.. beat me, drug me into oblivion and take my memories and then replace them with someone else’s. And then when I started to remember.. try to do it all over again? How could he do it to his own son, Shane?”
“John.. that’s what I was trying to tell you just now. I don’t think he knows. It was a long and involved process to discover all the answers. I really don’t think Dimera knows that he’s your father. I believe that Stefano will be just as shocked to learn the truth about this as you are.” John’s face changed instantly, as he thought about the full ramifications of what that meant, and he repeated it, “He doesn’t know? He doesn’t know!” The wheels were turning fast and he spoke rapidly, “Oh… man, then all we have to do is make sure he never finds out. Maybe.. we can keep this to ourselves. Maybe I don’t need to tell Doc about any of this. Maybe.. everything is gonna be…”
Nipping that understandable but misguided thought process in the bud, Shane was compelled to confront his friend with his concerns, “John…. you of all people should know that secrets like this have a way of coming out when you least expect it and they always hurt. I think you need to tell her, John. You need to trust in what you have with her. If you can’t do that then your marriage is already in trouble.”
“I don’t know.. I’ll think about it and decide on that later. Why don’t you just show me what you’ve got there,” John said, clearly ignoring his friend’s advice for the time being.
Shattered
Like a window pane broken by a storm
Each tiny piece of me lies alone
And scattered far beyond repair
All my shiny dreams just lying there…
John just stood there in the quiet stillness of the night, reviewing all the written and photographic material Shane Donovan had compiled and brought with him. The evidence was all there in black and white. It explained everything: how the mistake was made about the Alamain name, who his mother was.. all of it. There was no doubt about it as far as he could see. John Black was yet another bastard child of Stefano Dimera. Another woman’s life was laid waste by the man’s sick desire to possess and control and John was the end result of his liaison with the woman, Rachel Blake. It appeared that she was John’s mother.. That explained why she was calling him Johnny.. but then.. what about the memory of almost drowning.. seeing Lawrence and himself as a young boy? There were more questions every time one seemed to be answered.
If it were true… it meant that Kristen was his… “Oh My God!” That concept made all the other questions disappear and caused him to fall backward onto the bench nearby in sickened horror that penetrated all the way to his soul.
“Oh, My God, Shane.. This means that Kristen was my.. she was my.. Sister? Oh.. God, no.. No!” His hands started to shake and his body trembled. He was quickly becoming extremely nauseated, as he shook his head repeatedly to deny the shocking truths with which he was now being confronted. Hating to do it, but realizing that facing reality was necessary, Shane reminded him that it was in the present tense, not just the past, “You mean is.. She *is* your half-sister, John. Unless.. there is some other explanation for that.”
“What do mean.. that Rachel wasn’t their mother?” he asked desperately, still fighting off the feeling of shame and disgust building in his gut.
“Could be.. or maybe Rachel’s not your mother, I don’t know for sure. Nothing else is as it seemed to be about Dimera or the Blake family. It’s possible, John. All, I know with absolute certainty at this point is that Stefano is your father.”
Waves of nausea washed over him until he couldn’t fend them off any longer. “Oh.. I’m gonna be sick, Shane.. Oh, God!” he cried as he ran for the river’s edge. John knelt down and vomited until there was nothing left in his stomach..
When he finished and had wiped his face, he kept shaking his head as he processed his reaction out loud. Shane just listened, feeling bad, but knowing there wasn’t anything he could do to make it any easier for John to handle. “Oh.. my God… I had sex with my sister? I was… in love with my sister? I almost had a….baby with her! Oh.. Shane.. this is.. worse than I ever could have imagined! Slamming his hand against a piling, he asked in bitter anguish, “Dammit!! Why didn’t I quit looking! Why wasn’t I just satisfied with my life the way it was? Doc and I were finally married, she was okay with who I became, the kids are loving the fact that we’re a family, the Brady’s gave us their blessing. Even Roman and I mended our fences. Everybody was happy. Oh.. Dammit, Shane!” There were angry, disgusted, horrified tears in his eyes, and he fought a gradually losing battle to keep all of them contained within their confines.
I hope that you don’t mind if I should cry
In public, while I wait for this to pass……
It was difficult to stand by and watch while another man’s entire world was torn apart because of the information he had uncovered, but Shane knew there was nothing to be done about it. “I’m so sorry, John… I know that when you started looking into your past again this was the last thing you expected to find. But, it’s out there now and you have to face it and accept it. You are the son of Stefano Dimera. The man you hate with all your guts is your biological father and the grandfather to your children and you have to find a way to deal with that. Marlena has to find a way to handle it too. If you hide this and it comes out later, it will hurt her so much more coming from someone else. It’s all about trust, John… I know what the lack of trust and the destruction of it does to a relationship, and I should think you would remember too.”
Being reminded of Kristen’s lies and her complete betrayal of his trust, now when he had just learned that she might be his sister, hurt beyond description. John was moving around, almost pacing, but not quite that purposeful, as he labored to put his thoughts together. “Oh… yes.. I do remember, better than I care to at the moment, and I know you’re right. But, you tell me something Shane Donovan… how can I possibly go back in there and turn her world upside down? It’s gonna kill her to know this, Shane!”
Then John did begin to pace the length of the pier as he shouted out in his fear, anger and frustration, feeling tremendous guilt by association, while recounting the legacy of evil, “My God.. the things he’s done to her.. what he almost did to her in Paris… and it’s my father! My *father* almost raped my wife, the woman I love more than anything on this earth. My father stole five years of her life from her, my father used me in his sick plans for revenge on the Brady family! That bastard took her loving husband from her and their children, and from his family for seven years…and put me in his place. Then he took it all away from me and because of me, because of what Stefano set in motion, Roman lost everything again. Marlena was devasted and I watched while she suffered through the worst ordeal a person could ever experience. Carrie and the twins were terribly hurt by all of it and they lost so much time with their parents. All that pain and suffering caused by a sick demented excuse for a human being, who just happens to be my FATHER!!”
Realizing the importance of this explosion of emotion, Shane listened but said nothing. After his little tirade was finished, John plopped down dejectedly on the bench, dropped his head in his trembling hands and fought back a flood of tears, in fear of what lay ahead. After a long moment, John looked up and asked in a quavering voice filled with sadness and the expectation of loss, ” And.. now.. you expect me to go in there… and tell her.. that the man she married, the man she loves with all her heart, the.. father of her children… is that man’s son.. that I have Dimera blood flowing through my veins ?”
The abject agony in John’s face and moist eyes, indeed in his entire being, was enough to move even the coldest of hearts, Shane was thinking. It was as if something deep inside the man’s very soul had shattered.
I’m shattered
Into fragments cold and gray
Sweep the pieces all away
Then no one will ever know how much it mattered……..
Something deep inside of me
Shattered…….
Chapter Four
Encroaching Darkness
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought that I could fail…….
No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I’ve changed my face, I’ve changed my name
but no one wants you when you lose…..
Shane Donovan had witnessed John Black in a distraught state of mind before, when he was living the life of Roman Brady and thought Marlena had died, and much later when John learned he wasn’t Roman Brady after all. Shane had had seen John when he was devastated with grief, raging with anger and helpless frustration, when he was bitter, jealous, disappointed, and so many other negative emotions he couldn’t even name, but he had never seen his old friend look so utterly defeated as he did now. The idea that the man who had caused him to experience all those emotions at the loss of his identity and all that went with it, or when Marlena was missing so many times, was John’s father seemed to destroy something deep inside his soul. He was thoroughly crushed by the startling discovery about his true heritage, and yet he had Marlena in his life. Shane, though he wasn’t as close to John as he had been at one time, knew that since he was the one there at the moment, he simply had to find a way to make John see that he wasn’t going to lose the love of his life. When she learned the same truth about John’s lineage, Marlena wouldn’t simply stop loving him.
Shane wanted to do something, to say something that would help, but he couldn’t think what it might be. He slowly approached the bench as John asked his question about telling Marlena. Finally, some words came to him, “John… I know this is very.. upsetting and that you’re understandably concerned about Marlena and how she’s going to react. But, John… she loves you, for who you are.. not for the name you call yourself. With everything you went through to be together again, you have to know that in your head and believe it your heart.”
John nodded slightly and sighed wearily again before responding, “Yea… I do know that, on some level… it’s just.. I don’t want her to go through the pain of dealing with a shock like this. She’s been so happy lately.. I’ve spent almost every waking moment doing all that I knew to do to make our first year together everything she dreamed of and it was working, Shane. I’ve never seen her more at peace, more relaxed than she has been this past six months or so. All the lines of tension are gone from her face, and she laughs, Shane.. I mean really laughs now… It put that incredible smile back on her face and the.. shine in her eyes… us being together, making a family with the kids. It just…. kills me to think of taking all that peace and happiness away from her by telling her something like this.”
“I’m sorry, John… I really am, but do you think that hiding the truth is going to work? Holding on to something that causes you so much pain…pretending you’re fine when your devastated by this…. you think she won’t notice?”
Every word that his friend uttered made him acknowledge the opposite of his own thought processes and he hated it. With gritty determination, John tried to deny Shane’s assertion, “No.. I.. can.. push it down.. I’ll be fine.. She won’t know..”
Shaking his head in amazement at the power of denial, “Oh.. please.. you’re lying to yourself. John… you’re… destroyed by this and you need her to help you deal with it. You need her love and support to help you see that you are nothing like Dimera and you never will be. And most important of all, you need to be honest with your wife, and you *know* that.”
As his distressed mind conjured up images, images of Marlena’s face when she learned the news, of her body pulling away from him when he tried to hold her.. afraid because he was a descendant of the man she loathed and feared intensely, John stood up and said, “No… you’re wrong… it’s going to be fine. You told me that very few people actually know the truth about Stefano.. and he has no reason to go digging into my past so… let’s just.. leave this alone for now. I need… time to.. think, Shane.. You swear to me you won’t tell anyone about the research you did or this conversation,” he pleaded desperately.
His friend was calm in the face of John’s intensity, saying, “You know I won’t, John.. but I’m telling you… hiding this is a terrible mistake and it will come back to haunt you. I can almost guarantee it. John… what if by some circumstance Stefano finds out that you’re his son.. before you tell her? How do think Marlena will feel if she learns the truth from him, instead of you?”
John was in deep denial and he shook his head firmly and argued against that possibility, ” No.. that will never happen! There’s no way he can find out. You just said it yourself that it was a long drawn out process. No.. he won’t know unless we tell him.”
Shane was quickly becoming frustrated with John’s irrational thought processes, even as a part of him understood that the shock was simply too great for the man to handle right away. Part of him recognized that John needed some time to absorb the news and then he would be able to think more realistically about the situation and decide how he would handle it. Shane didn’t say all that; instead he issued a warning that he believed had to be spoken, regardless, “Okay… John go ahead… lie to yourself. Fool yourself into believing you can keep this quiet… but, I’m telling you.. if you do that, you run a much greater risk of losing Marlena, than if you just tell her truth.. as soon as possible.”
Their eyes met once more, but John didn’t respond to the last challenge, saying only, “Look, I gotta go now… why don’t you go on over to the party and.. see Kim, I’m sure she’d like to spend some time with you. I’m just going to stay out here awhile… and clear my head. Thanks for all the time you put into this thing and thanks for… being honest.”
Giving his old comrade a squeeze on the shoulder before leaving, Shane said, “Any time, John.. and if you need to.. talk again or if you have any more questions about the material I gave you, I’ll be around town for awhile. I’m between assignments right now.”
Smiling weakly and staring out at the murky waters of the Salem river, John said quietly, “Thanks… I’ll keep that in mind.” It was astonishing.. even the river that usually brought him some peace and serenity… suddenly seemed cold and uninviting to him. Everything was darker, the colors were all fading.. the world around him was swiftly turning to black and that darkness penetrated all the way to his battle weary soul, and yet.. there was the light of Marlena’s love. It was there inside him too and it kept him from falling apart completely. He shuddered to think how he would have handled this same news in the years they were separated, thinking that all they would ever share was a friendship, and he managed to find the ability to thank God for that miracle.
‘God… I am… grateful that this didn’t come before.. when I was alone, or even when I was with..’ It smacked him in the face again, and he groaned, “Oh, when I was with.. my.. sister!” The horror of that reality came rushing back to his gut and he threw up again, though there was nothing left in his belly. When his body stopped heaving, he went over to the bench again. Curling up in a nearly fetal position with his back toward the water, John felt his mind begin to wander, drifting into the darkness that beckoned.
Abe Carver had gone looking for his friend when he scanned the Pub and surrounding area and didn’t see him. John was so happy a few days earlier as he anticipated his upcoming anniversary, but when he’d arrived at the Pub, Abe recognized from the look in the man’s eyes that something was very wrong. The fact that John had disappeared in the middle of his own party was enough to confirm those suspicions. He was starting to walk down the stairs when he heard a horrible, but easily identifiable sound. Someone was vomiting and groaning in pain. As he stepped down onto the main surface of the pier and glanced around, he saw a crumpled figure lying awkwardly on a bench.
Shattered shattered…
Love and hope and sex and dreams
Are still surviving on the street
Look at me, I’m in tatters!
I’m a shattered
Shattered…….
‘Whoever that is.. he looks and sounds terrible,’ Abe thought. As he moved closer, he asked with concern, “Hey… are you alright, are you sick… do you need help?”
John didn’t know what to do or what to say, and the words of his friend hardly registered anyway, he was so lost in the sense of disgust and shame; it was overwhelming.
As Abe reached out toward the figure, he recognized him; it was his best friend. “John… hey, buddy.. what’s wrong?” he asked very worriedly.
Finally, it sunk in that Abe was standing there looking at him, concerned about him, and John turned over to face him, trying to think of some reason for his appearance. “Oh… uh.. hi Abe… I was just…” he started to say.
He was interrupted by his best friend. “You were just throwing up and moaning about something. John.. you sounded awful and you look even worse. Now.. don’t waste any time making up some lame excuse. Just tell me what it is!” he demanded.
John sat up and blew out a long breath, a part of him realizing that it was futile to deny what his best friend saw a moment ago and in his face now. At least it wasn’t his wife.. not yet anyway. “Abe… you’re right.. I am horrible right now. It’s about my past.. you better sit down for this one.”
Wondering what it could possibly that was so terribly upsetting, his buddy asked, “John… what is it?”
How he hated to answer, but knowing he couldn’t avoid it, after taking a moment to gather strength, John launched into it, “It’s about my… parents. Shane was researching my past and he came across some information that led him to find out about my real parents.”
That was surprising. “Your parents are the Alaimains.. right… DNA evidence proved that you were Lawrence’s brother,” said his friend, feeling confused.
John nodded, wishing it were that simple now, though he hated it at the time. “That’s what we all thought.. It was wrong, those tests were faulty somehow… we don’t know why yet, whether it was purposeful or an accidental, but we know they were incorrect.” As he was about to reveal the rest of it, John suddenly froze and couldn’t say it. It made him chuckle to think about the bitter irony of it all. Being an Alamain suddenly seemed almost desirable at the moment, infinitely preferable to the brutal reality of his true lineage. John stood up to walk around, wishing the next few moments away, wishing the whole nightmarish situation away.
Hearing the strange laugh and then seeing the pain on his best friend’s face told him that whatever came next was devastating. “John… just tell me the rest of it.. I can see you need to talk about it. Why did you get sick just now?”
Finding moisture forcing its way into his eyes again, his voice trembling, he began to tell his friend the truth he so wanted to deny, “Oh.. Abe.. it’s bad… it’s really bad. Rachel Blake.. she’s my mother… and my father is… Oh.. God, it’s… Stefano, Abe…. Stefano Dimera is my father.”
The look of horrified disbelief on the man’s face said it all. There was a long deadening silence that followed as Abe scrambled for words that would describe his reaction and the ones that would provide some measure of comfort to John. He couldn’t find them and he watched John’s face fall and tears start to form in the melancholy blue eyes that had danced with delight just a few days earlier. Finally, he said the only thing he could, “I’m so sorry.. John.” All his friend could do was nod as the tears began to trickle out of those mournful eyes. And then… it happened, John felt the gut wrenching pain suddenly engulf him and he began to wail; they were deep choking sobs that came from somewhere inside the very center of his being. He cried out in abject agony, “Oh, God.. Abe… I’m a Dimera!!”
Abe felt his heart breaking for John. It was soul shattering pain his buddy was experiencing, so he simply took his friend in his arms and held him as the sadness overwhelmed John’s usually unfailing ability to keep his emotions under control. He simply couldn’t hold back the flood of tears that were welling up behind his eyes. “OH GOD!!” he cried out in bitter anguish. John wept quietly, standing there in the arms of his best friend for a few very long moments, his body trembling with the force of the release. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, John..” That was all Abe could think of to say at the moment, recognizing there was nothing he could do or say that would really help anyway. John had no choice but to face the brutal truth of his ancestry, and he needed to express the excruciating pain it caused him.
Look at me— I’m in tatters…
I’ve been battered, what does it matter
Look at me… I’m a shattered
Shattered…..
What does it matter….
My brain’s been battered, splattered…
I’m in tatters, I’m a shattered
Does it matter… I’m a shattered…
Shattered…..
Brutal Twist of Fate
I’m broken, but I’m laughing
It’s the sound of falling glass
I hope that you don’t mind if I should cry
In public, while I wait for this to pass……
Abe Carver wondered how in the world his best friend would ever learn to get past this brutal twist of fate. How could the man who had inflicted such unspeakable physical pain, conducted savage mind control, and caused unimaginable emotional suffering to John, disrupting the lives of almost everyone he cared about, possibly turn out to be his natural father? It was bitterly cruel and terribly unfair that after all the pain and loss he had endured in the years of his life he could recall, that now John had to deal with this kind of an agonizingly painful shock.
He prayed about it, almost confrontational, ‘God.. how can you be so cruel to him? Why can’t he just live in peace now… after everything he’s suffered.. Can’t he just be happy with his children and the woman he loves? Why this, why now?’ Abe spoke to God in confusion as he continued to hold his friend somewhat awkwardly in the strength of his compassionate arms. John was crying softly, his entire body tense as he labored valiantly to shut down his strong emotional reaction to the gut wrenching news he’d just heard. His efforts were largely unsuccessful, but that didn’t bother Abe in the slightest, at least not in the sense that it wasn’t proper for a man to cry. If there were ever something John would weep about, this and the loss of the woman he loved were the types of circumstances that could trigger a powerful release of tears.
Instinctively, Abe kept his arm around his best friend’s shoulders while he wept, until gradually John seemed to be regaining some control over his emotions. “Oh.. Abe.. how can it be true.. how can *he* be my father?” John cried in desolate confusion and bitter sadness while sniffling and wiping away some of the moisture from his face. “How can his evil.. tainted blood be flowing in my veins? How could God.. let this be? The things he’s done to me….to Doc… My own father? How, Abe… How can it be?” It was so damned unfair!!
Abe couldn’t answer it any more than John could. Shaking his head uncertainly, worried for his friend, wishing he could find some words of comfort, he said, “I don’t know.. John.. I don’t know buddy.. but I know I love you and I know that you are NOTHING like him and you never will be, John!” He raised his voice, speaking passionately of his belief in his friend’s goodness.
John was shaking his head, pulling somewhat awkwardly out of the embrace. Too upset to be embarrassed by his open display, he said with anguish and fear, his voice shaking as he processed his thoughts out loud, “I don’t know that! How can you? He trained me, Abe.. He’s said it so many times. He.. trained me… to kill! What if he uses some.. trigger I don’t know about and makes me do it again? What if… it’s in my blood? What if I… hurt Doc or the kids? What if I… turn evil too?” A part of him knew it was irrational to even consider that possibility, but still.. this brutal new reality made him question himself.
Grasping his friend’s suddenly vulnerable shoulders between his hands, Abe implored him to maintain his faith in himself, “John.. no, buddy.. come on.. you became a Priest. You know that you are a wonderful, caring man, who has done so much good in the lives of the people you love. You have to know in your heart that you will be never change, John. You are a kind, loving, and compassionate person and just because you learn all of a sudden that your biological parent is an evil bastard doesn’t change all that goodness you have inside of you. You have to believe that, John!”
“I pray you’re right about it.. Abe, but I can’t be so sure. God knows I wish I could,” he finished sadly, not able to look his best friend in the eye.
There was a long silence, as John rose from the bench and began to pace the length of the pier. As Abe observed the frustrated fearful tension rising with each pass, suddenly, the question of what would be his buddy’s next step arose in Abe’s mind and he asked worriedly, “John…. what are you going to do with this?”
After one more long moment, John answered uncertainly, still trying to recover from the initial numbing shock of it. In some ways it was like a nightmare that one kept expecting to wake up from any minute. “I… I don’t know… I have to.. think, I have to.. get my head together. Maybe… I’ll go away for a couple of days…”
“What.. you mean.. by yourself?” Shaking his head vigorously, Abe stood behind John, waiting for him to turn around, arguing vehemently, “Oh, no you don’t.. not after hearing something like this.. I won’t let you do it. You need the people you love around you at a time like this, you know that! You need Marlena’s support to deal with this!”
John whirled toward his best friend, saying very forcefully, “NO!! I’m not telling her, Abe… It’ll kill her… I can’t ruin her happiness.. I can’t do it! I’ve hurt her… so many times, and I just can’t do it again. You saw how happy she was tonight.” Shaking his head while threading his hair with his fingers, he said even more firmly, “No… no, I’m not gonna tell her.”
Cause sweet darling… I’m shattered
Into fragments cold and gray
Sweep the pieces all away
Then no one will ever know how much it mattered……….
There was a sound behind them and they turned in unison toward whatever it was. “Tell me what, John?” asked that captivating voice he loved so well and for so long. “What aren’t you going to tell me?”
John nearly fell over to hear her voice, and he reached for the nearest piling to steady himself. Then, he looked up at her for a second before turning away from her, struggling furiously to eliminate the outward signs of the strong emotions he had been expressing. It was no use, she had seen the traces of moisture on his cheeks and his eyes glinted in the light of the moon. And then there were the lines of tension on his face.
Marlena was an astute observer and already suspected something was wrong. “John.. I’ve known that something was bothering you since I talked to you on the phone earlier and it wasn’t about some contract you were involved with. You never get this upset about things like that. So.. why don’t you just let me in on the secret?” she asked with great concern evident in her warm accepting tone of voice.
Abe gave his buddy a squeeze on the shoulder and said quietly, “Trust in her love for you, John… trust in yourself and tell her. Let her be there for you. I’ll talk more with you later. You call me.. any time.. day or night, and I’ll be there.”
John simply nodded and said, “Thanks Abe.. you’re such a good friend. Thanks for.. caring.”
“John… I love you like a brother, you know that. Nothing has changed about that and nothing will.” All John did was nod, grateful to have been blessed with such an amazingly loyal friend.
Marlena waited for the other man to ascend the stairs before stepping closer and reaching out for John’s face, turning it gently toward her. What she saw there was alarming. There was a depth of pain such as she had never seen before. She saw agonizing loss, self-doubt, a subdued sense of horrified anger and defeated fear. And so many other emotions she couldn’t quite pin down. John grappled with his breaking heart once again, fighting to put it all away, to push it down to a place where he didn’t have to think or feel, but he couldn’t quite manage it.
She watched him do battle within himself and she was hurting for him, but she waited for a minute before requesting that he open up with her. “John… please honey.. tell me what’s upsetting you so much. I’ve never seen you like this before.”
He walked away shaking his head… “I.. can’t Doc.. not here, not now.. I need.. time.”
Sensing it was something that he thought was a threat to their relationship, she asked, “Time for what, John… how will that help?”
“I need.. to.. think about the right words to say to you.”
Concern turned to worry as she said, “John…you’re scaring me… come on… just talk to me.. Don’t shut me out, we promised no more secrets, no more suffering in silence.. remember? I’m your wife and we deal with the pain life brings us…together. I’m Mrs. John Black.”
John shook his head dejectedly as he stepped away again, feeling the pain increase with each reminder. “No… no… you’re not,” he muttered under his breath. ‘You’re Mrs. Dimera,’ he was thinking. ‘Oh my God! How can I ever say that to her? She’s gonna leave me.. I know she will. How could she ever want someone with that name?’
She only caught a whisper, not the specifics, and had to clarify it, “What… John.. what on earth are you talking about?”
He knew the frustration and fear were obvious, but he couldn’t bring himself to say what it was out loud to her. “No, you’re not.. ” he started and then stopped short, saying, “Oh never mind… Doc.. let’s just go home. I don’t want to talk.. I just want to make love to you.. to touch you and worship your body, my wonderful, beautiful, incredibly sexy wife of one year now. This is our anniversary, Doc.. let’s not spoil it okay?” Impulsively, he took her in his arms and kissed her passionately, almost desperately, as if it might be his last chance. Nearly immediately, Marlena found herself becoming distracted; his hands were all over her shoulders and then her neck, moving next to her backside, roving almost frantically to arouse her desire and it was working. She soon began to forget about her concern for his emotional state.
Internally, he smiled, hoping to continue the process as long as possible. When he heard her breathing quicken and a moan escape her lips, he picked her up and carried her to the Jeep. It was a short but strenuous journey on such a muggy night, so he turned on the engine to run the air briefly, but didn’t waste any time. John kept doing things that made her feel instead of think and all thoughts other than those centered around the electrifying sensations flowing throughout her entire body were fading away quickly, just as he had intended.
After a few minutes of fairly intense kissing, she became aware that this was not the way she envisioned finishing the evening and said, “John.. honey.. I want to be with you.. but not this way.”
Thinking he might lose the chance, he asked, “Why.. what’s wrong with being together here.. now?”
“Nothing… I just thought we might enjoy it more at home.. you know some candles and music… things like that. It’s our anniversary…remember, we had some surprises planned?”
He couldn’t believe he had forgotten, the gifts he had picked out for her, what he wanted to do to her, for her.. with her, when they were finally in the privacy of their own home. With a sigh of regret, John said, “Oh, I’m sorry… of course you’re right… I guess I got a little carried away there. Alright.. let’s go on home then,” he said, starting to move into the driver’s seat.
Remembering how upset he seemed when she came to the pier, Marlena made a suggestion, “John… why don’t you let me drive.. you’ve had a pretty long day.” Her husband only nodded in response and slowly walked back around and climbed into the passenger seat. Because he didn’t argue in the slightest, she made a mental note to address whatever it was when they arrived at the house. Normally, John insisted on being behind the wheel whenever they went somewhere together. She had concluded long ago that it was a man thing. And now… on their anniversary, he let her drive without even a hint that he should be the one. Something was terribly wrong, and she was bound and determined to get it out of him once they reached the safe haven of their newly built home.
Something deep inside of me
Shattered….
My Father’s Eyes
Sailing down behind the sun
Waiting for my prince to come
Praying for the healing rain
To restore my soul again…
They were riding home in relative silence, each wondering what the other was thinking, when Marlena turned the sound up on the radio out of habit. John was nervously pondering his next reply to Marlena’s concerned inquiries as to what was on his mind. He had to tell her, but.. he couldn’t, he was more than worried about her reaction to the news, as irrational as he knew it was. How could he shatter her illusions as his had been only a few hours earlier. It was their first anniversary for God’s sake; he couldn’t ruin her wonderfully happy night, but he was having a great deal of difficulty acting as if there were nothing upsetting him. She could read him so well and she knew he was covering up something important that was bothering him. John didn’t think he could get through the night without revealing the awful truth of his wicked heritage. At a certain point, he thought he had her distracted sufficiently to manage avoiding the inevitable until the next morning. On Sunday June 8, 1999, one day after their first anniversary, all his hopes and dreams for the future might come crashing down around him. As soon as he thought he had captured them in his hands for safe keeping, they seemed prepared to escape from his grasp. Those elusive dreams….
How did I get here
What have I done
When will all my hopes arise
How will I know him
When I look in my father’s eyes
My father’s eyes…..
Then it happened…. that damn song was what did it, the words seemed to take hold of him and he couldn’t shake the haunting images it conjured up in his mind. God, it was so hard to imagine the moment he told her, no.. rather, the moment it actually sank into her heart. John pictured the horrified look on her face, the sickened disgust in her eyes, as there had been in his. She would try very hard not to make him feel bad about it, and she would say it didn’t change anything… but it would. No matter how hard they tried to pretend that it didn’t make a difference, it would. ‘Oh, Doc.. I’m so sorry,’ he said to her in his mind, as he envisioned the aftershocks.
Then there was the reaction of all the Brady’s, all of whom had been so badly hurt by the man he now knew was his natural father. And Abe.. Laura, Jack.. Jennifer.. All the people he loved would pretend with him that it didn’t affect how they thought of him and at first it wouldn’t, but over time.. it would probably change things between them, and he wondered what it would be like the next time he came face to face with the man himself. John forced that thought from his mind, not wanting to allow the reality to penetrate too far. It was still such a shock, ‘Stefano Dimera… my father… who could have imagined that one? Oh, Doc… I don’t want to tell you. I swore I would never be the cause of more pain for you..’
Then the jagged edge appears
Through the distant cloud of tears
I’m like the bridge that was washed away
My foundations were made of clay…..
Once again, everything he had come to believe about himself was a lie, an elaborate illusion. The life he had built for himself out of the ashes of loss was being taken away.. again. If he thought about it in that way, it hurt more than he could handle. He had lived one man’s life for several years, but he lost everything when he learned that he wasn’t really Roman Brady. Then he went back to the other name, but soon learned he wasn’t John Black either and now… he wasn’t even Forrest Alamain or Father Black. He was a Dimera by birth and that monster’s tainted blood flowed through his veins. It was all so overwhelming and there would be no one who could really understand what it felt like, except Lexie; she would be the only one who could even begin to relate to what he was going through right now.
Suddenly it dawned on him……
‘Oh, my God… Lexie is my sister too!’ he said in his mind. The one shining example of goodness to come from that demented man’s existence in this world. ‘She is untouched by his evil.. and I’m gonna make sure it stays that way. He’s been trying to draw her into his world, but I swear I’m not gonna let it happen.’ At least there was one good thing to come out of such horrible news, he had a family member he could really love, not like Lawrence and Vivian, who were related in name only. Suddenly the enormity of his situation began to penetrate and he realized that everything had changed in the instant he’d learned the truth from Shane’s file which he had placed in a special hiding place inside the Jeep. ‘They weren’t his family, not anymore… Oh, man… that means… the companies.. almost everything… the life I’ve built since then… none of it is really mine. I don’t know why I didn’t even think of that part yet! That was too much to deal with at the moment, so his mind began to shut down. Now if only the song would end, he’d be fine for awhile….
As my soul slides down to die
How could I lose him
What did I try
Bit by bit, I’ve realized
That he was here with me
I looked into my father’s eyes
My father’s eyes
Then the light begins to shine
And I hear those ancient lullabies
As I watch this seedling grow
Feel my heart start to overflow…….
The song made him think of his own offspring and the connection they now shared to his biological father, ‘Brady… Oh, and Belle… I’m so sorry. He’s your grandfather, Oh God… we’ll never be free of him if he finds out. What am I gonna do now, God? I still don’t understand this at all. All the things he has done to hurt me… How could you let that happen…I risked my soul to save Marlena… and I’ve tried so hard to be a good person… and you let my own father do the things he has to me, to Marlena, and everyone I love… all this time..‘ Anxious thoughts swirled around inside his mind, making him more confused, his anguish increasing by the moment, ‘My God… How? Why? Tell me… you tell me what good can come of that! You tell me what I am supposed to do with this knowledge… I don’t want to know this… I wish you could make it go away. I can’t believe his evil is in my blood.. maybe that’s why he could make me do the things he did.. why he could program and train me so well… because deep down inside I’m evil like he is… maybe now that I know… it’s going to.. surface… Oh, please Lord.. don’t let me hurt anyone. Don’t let me hurt Doc or the children or do something to let them down. Help me continue to be a good husband to Marlena and a loving father to Belle, Brady and Evan.’
Where do I find the words to say
How do I teach him
What do we play
Bit by bit, I’ve realized
That’s when I need them
That’s when I need my father’s eyes
My father’s eyes……
That was as much as he could manage, images of his father spending time with him came to mind. They were pictures and pieces of memories he had fabricated so that he could have a childhood. He saw himself playing soccer on a grassy lawn, smiling with the warmth of the sun when his daddy told him he did a good job. Bringing home a paper from school with a happy face on it, listening to a bedtime story–little things that made him feel like he had a life distinct from the childhood memories which belonged to someone else.
As the words sung by Eric Clapton pierced his pleasant reverie, the kind and loving face of Leopold Alamain was transformed in those imaginings into the dark malevolent countenance of his erstwhile captor, Stefano Dimera. John saw himself hanging from the chains, that man’s wicked hands squeezing his cheeks together in a moment of frustration that the brainwashing process wasn’t happening fast enough. As the memory returned, he recalled what it was like to look into Stefano’s evil eyes, eyes which took such delight in his suffering. As the images refreshed the pain he felt in those moments, a few determined tears forced themselves out of his tear ducts and slipped past the corners of his eyelids, against his will. ‘Those were.. my father’s eyes.’
Marlena, who had been observing him very closely all evening, heard the change in his breathing and looked over at her husband. He was leaning against the car door, clearly trying to hide his display of emotion from her. She could tell he was weeping softly and decided she had allowed it to go on long enough. Marlena looked for a safe spot and pulled the car over onto the shoulder of the freeway that led to their Penthouse home. “Alright, John.. that’s enough suffering in silence. You are obviously very upset about something and I want you to tell me what it is.. Please honey.. open up with me.. I want to help you, let me be there for you.”
He tried to pull it together and force those haunting images out of his head, but he found himself only partially successful in his quest, “Marlena… I… don’t know what to say.. it’s so hard, Doc.. When I tell you.. Oh, I’m.. afraid that when I tell you.. it’s going to change things between us. I love you so much…”
“Honey… you know that I love you, and John… there is nothing in this world that can ever change that.” She reached out for his face wondering what it could be that was causing him to be so distressed. Then it hit her, something she had forgotten because of her excitement about their anniversary celebration. “John… does this have anything to do with your past?” She could see it in his nonverbal reaction, in the way he hid his disconsolate eyes from her. “It does, doesn’t it.. Shane…he’s not here on a visit. He told you something, he found out something important about your past, didn’t he, John?”
That’s when I need my father’s eyes
My father’s eyes….
That’s when I knew
That he was here with me..
I looked into my father’s eyes
My father’s eyes….
It happened again, she had noticed it before but dismissed it; he tensed slightly every time that phrase was uttered by Eric Clapton. “Honey.. this song, you’re reacting to the words. John.. tell me what’s going on with you tonight. Why would this song be so upsetting?”
He knew he couldn’t avoid it any longer. Damn song! Sighing resignedly, he decided to tell her, “Oh.. Doc… Okay… I’ll explain it to you. You’re right, the real reason Shane came to Salem was because he uncovered a secret from my past and he brought me the evidence to support it. Marlena.. there’s just no easy way to say this. Shane found out who my real father is… It’s… Oh… God, Doc… it’s.. Stefano–he’s my biological father. You’re sitting here looking at Stefano Dimera’s bastard son.”
The words hung in the air, which suddenly seemed thick with tension and fear. Tears rushed to fill his eyes as he watched the face of the woman he love changing and observed her move away from him. It wouldn’t have been noticeable by anyone but him. Her hand, which was on his leg as a gesture of comfort, moved less than an inch as did her body, but to John it was as if a mile wide gap had opened up between them in that split second gut reaction she had to the terrifying news. There wasn’t time to address it at this moment; he had to deal with the other aspects of her reaction. John was convinced that this was only the first of many such discussions they were going to have, and he could only wonder what the ultimate outcome would be in terms of their marriage relationship.
Her jaw dropped open and her eyes went wide with total shock and utter horrified disbelief. It simply wasn’t possible; they had to be mistaken. John could never be descended from that vile, twisted, deluded version of a human being, who had caused them both such misery. ‘It just couldn’t be true,’ she was thinking while silently shaking her head. Marlena was speechless for a long time, and John sat there next to her, praying that she could handle it somehow. At last, she found some words to express her reaction, “No, no… I don’t believe it, John. There has to be a some mistake, false records.. anything, but I don’t believe that you’re his son. You couldn’t have come from such evil roots. You can’t be his son, honey… it has to be some sort of a mistake, a terrible mistake!”
Fighting back the tears, he shook his head and said sadly, “Oh… how I wish it were…. you can’t know how much.. But, it’s true, Doc… Shane’s got DNA evidence from some items of mine and Dimera’s. He has other documentation too. It.. looks like Rachel was my mother… that’s what he’s got so far. That explains why she called me Johnny, but it confuses some other issues and he’s still working on them.”
Marlena’s eyes opened even wider, if that were possible, filled with disgusted horror as she drew the same conclusion he had earlier in the evening. “Oh, John… but that means… Oh, no.. John that means Kristen… is..” She stopped to look at her husband before the words escaped and she could see that he was completely devastated by that aspect of his situation.
He was leaning back against the seat, staring up through the sun roof into the night sky, musing about how nice it would be if it actually worked to wish upon a star. John nodded slightly as a fresh round of moisture tried to form, and his voice trembled as he finished the sentence, “My.. sister…”
Understanding so many strange moments from the evening, she commiserated with her husband, sharing the sickening feeling on his behalf, “Oh.. honey.. Oh, my God, John!”
“Yea… that’s about what I said. Oh.. Marlena.. I had… sex… with my.. sister! Oh, God.. I almost married her.. Doc! It’s makes me so sick to think about it.” Waves of nausea beckoned once again and he opened the door of the car, quickly stepping out, just in case.
Marlena ran around the outside and made it just in time to see him begin to vomit what little food and liquid was left in his system from earlier in the evening. She held him while he leaned over and heaved, then helped him clean his face and took him into her warm embrace to comfort him. “I’m sorry, John… I’m so sorry honey!”
After quickly rinsing his mouth with water from the ever present squeeze bottle, he wiped a few straggling tears away with the backs of his hands and said, “Yea.. me too. I’m sorry for you, Doc.. I should have.. researched all this before we got married. You shouldn’t be put through all this turmoil because of me, and my crazy past. I’m so sorry…. and if… it… changes things for you and you want to… end it, I’ll understand and I won’t.. resist you.” He was struggling for composure, but couldn’t seem to stop the moisture that kept forming against his will.
Taking his hands and holding them up to her lips, she said quietly, “Oh.. honey.. no.. is that why you didn’t tell me, John.. because you thought I was going to leave you?”
He nodded tearfully, not quite meeting her gaze, thinking suddenly that he should be ashamed of himself for believing that of her and at the same time wondering about her true feelings. “Yea… I was… scared, Doc. He’s hurt you so much and I thought.. maybe.. if you knew that I… shared his name then you wouldn’t… want me anymore.”
Stroking his cheek with her right hand, salty liquid beginning to make itself felt in her eyes as well, she told him how she truly felt, “Oh.. John… no.. you know that’s not true. I love you…. remember we’ve talked about this so many times. I love the person you are…. not for your name, or your money, or your past. I love the man you are inside.. don’t you know that by now, sweety? Don’t you have any more faith in me and in our love.. than that?”
Stepping away from her, he started to work through his fears with her; as irrational as they were, they were hard to shake. He remembered Lexie going through the same questioning process as he began to share them with his wife, “I don’t know Marlena…. I just got… scared. I mean.. what if.. what if something happens.. and I… change.. like Tony and Kristen.. or even Peter? They all tried to fight his influence and look what happened to them. What if I.. become evil too… I could hurt you. God knows you’ve been hurt enough by the Dimera family.”
She knew she had to get him to move past his understandable, but irrational gut reaction to what he’d just learned. “John… you have to know that you won’t change.. Honey.. you don’t even remember your past and you turned out to be a wonderful, caring, compassionate, loving person. John you were a priest… there is so much goodness inside you. How can you possibly think that’s all going to disappear just because you found out about your evil biological parent, who had nothing to do with who you are fundamentally.. John, I can understand why you’re questioning things, but try to think about this rationally.. that’s completely illogical.”
Chuckling at how it sounded when she said it, he agreed halfheartedly, “Yea… I guess you’re right.. it’s just pretty hard to take and it’s just been.. messing with my mind all night long. I’m sorry I held back, Doc. I just needed time to sort things out a little. Can you forgive me?”
She moved to hug him again, saying, “Oh.. honey, of course I do… I’m so sorry, John… this has to hurt you so much.”
At last, the tears began to trickle out, and he nodded and then simply melted into her warm embrace, feeling relieved and very thankful to have found his way back into her heart. “Yea… it does.. but I.. thank God every day for you, Doc… I don’t know what I’d ever do if I lost you again,” he cried, secretly fearing it might happen in spite of her reassurances.
“You won’t lose me, honey… we’ll get past this.. we will. We’ve taken everything else that fate has tried to throw in our path, and we’ve won, John. We’ve come out the other side of every test we’ve had to face and our love is stronger for it… Together we can handle anything. Isn’t that what you always say, John?” she asked lightly grasping his face and turning it toward her so that his hesitant eyes met hers.
Again, he just nodded and let out a sigh at first. “I do… it’s just that… never in my wildest, most horrible nightmares would I have imagined something like this. Stefano Dimera… a man who has hurt me… in ways most people can’t even begin to understand… turns out to be my… father. Oh, Doc.. it hurts! It hurts *so* bad!.” At last he let go of the dam that held back the river of tears inside and broke down briefly in the safety of her arms. She just held him and let him release the pain. After a few nearly insufferable moments, the intensity lessened slightly and he pulled out of the hug, saying in a voice riddled with self-doubt and confusion, “Marlena… he has done such evil in this world, he’s caused everyone that I love so much pain.. and all this time… he was *my* father! Think how the Brady’s are going to feel about me now… and the Horton’s too. Doc, I’m the son of the man who has ruined so many lives, the man who has wreaked havoc in Salem for so long. How do you think they’re going to feel about me when they find out?” His eyes were full of the fear of losing everything and everyone who mattered to him. Again. He seemed so vulnerable that she ached with sadness for him.
Marlena understood why he was questioning it; Lexie had done the same thing when she found out the truth about her natural parents, but she had eventually come to realize that nothing about her would change. John would too, in time. Cupping his face between her gentle hands, she encouraged him to believe in the love he shared with all his friends, “John… sweety… they all love you the same way that I love you. They know you.. they have seen your goodness every day since you came to Salem. This won’t change the way they feel toward you. They love you for the man you are.. not for the name, and that won’t change because of what happened in your forgotten past. You have to believe that, honey…. believe it in your heart.”
It was so difficult to think clearly, but a part of him realized that she was right. His mind knew it, and he nodded slightly, then shared his struggle, “I’ll try, Doc… In my.. head I know you’re right, but it’s hard for me to believe it in my heart. I realize that I’m not going to all of a sudden become this terrible person, but the sense of evil is hard to shake. Just knowing I’m in the same gene pool as him….it makes me sick to my stomach.”
“I know… honey.. me too, but we can’t change it, we have to find a way to deal with it.” She waited for a moment to let him settle down before asking the inevitable question, “John… he doesn’t know, does he?”
“No… we don’t think so… I pray that it’s true for more than one reason. If I find out he knows, that he’s always known…. and he’s done what he has to me and everyone else I love… I could kill him for it.”
Though she certainly appreciate how he might feel, nevertheless, it sent chills down her spine to hear him say it so coldly, so matter of fact. As she was pondering whether under the right circumstances he could be provoked into killing the man, John asked her a serious question, “Marlena, once he finds out.. he’ll never leave us alone.. My children are his grandchildren, and then there’s Evan. He’ll never be out of our lives, Marlena… can you live with that?”
Scared, can’t help but wonder
Don’t want any changes
Bout the way we feel
Do you know what I mean…….
As she looked at her husband of one year, she simply stared into his moist eyes. They were sweet, tender, loving eyes, eyes that were a window to his sensitive soul, eyes that could melt her heart, eyes that brought her such joy. Eyes that drew her in, providing a place in which she could lose herself when the deep and abiding love he felt for her shined in them, eyes that were glistening with joyful tears on their wedding day one year ago this very night.
Do you see what I see
There’s a rainbow shining over us
In the middle of a hopeless storm
We’ll be safe and warm………
She wasn’t saying anything, and he was becoming nervous and then she answered him with a kiss, a sweet kiss of infinite tenderness, her tongue caressing his as her hands pulled his body closer. Marlena put all the admiration, respect, love and commitment she felt on that special day and every day since… into her kiss, telling him she wanted and needed him in her life as much or more than ever before. It was unsettling to say the least, horrifying actually, to learn that Stefano Dimera was her husband’s father, but it didn’t change how she felt about John and he had to know that beyond the shadow of a doubt. She hoped her words and actions were quelling his fears, as she gazed at him, looking for a response. Then she spoke softly, “Does that answer your question, honey?”
He was speechless, mesmerized and hypnotized by her kiss and the look of everlasting love and devotion he saw in her eyes. John stammered out some sort of a response.. “Uh… yea.. I.. uh… I think so… what was I saying?”
Catch me I’m falling
Say it’s gonna be alright
It’s gonna be alright……
Chuckling with the satisfaction that came from knowing her efforts were successful, she said, “Good, I’m glad you understand my perspective so well, John… let’s go home now,” she said taking his arm and guiding him toward the Jeep again.
Still lost in sensation, his fingertips went to his lips and he replied with slightly stunned expression on his face, “Uh… yea.. I think I understand it perfectly, Doc… I love you so much.”
Time has redefined the meaning
Love, the way we know it
Love, the way we show it…….
That brought a sweet smile of contentment to her face. John was forgetting the painful truth for at least a few minutes. That was exactly what she had intended. After a brief pause during which they climbed into the Jeep, she said as they reached out their hands to touch each other’s cheeks, “And, I love you… no matter what. Let’s go celebrate our anniversary now, honey.” All he could do was nod and smile at her, as he felt himself falling again, falling into the love in her glistening eyes, and it didn’t worry him at all. He knew she would catch him, and when he landed…. it would be the safest, warmest, most wonderful place he could ever be.
I know that we belong
Do you believe in us
Yes our love will still be strong
Nothing can change us
Say it’s gonna be alright
It’s gonna be alright……
Questions to Consider
They rode home the rest of the way in a slightly awkward silence, neither knowing what else should be said, what could be said that would make it easier to deal with. Every time one of them thought of something, the words were bitten back for the fear of hurting or upsetting the other, and many an anxious glance was exchanged. That strange atmosphere seemed to take control of their hearts again after the moment of intimacy, and they didn’t speak at all until they were inside the confines of their new house, a place they felt safe and secure. It was in the newest section of housing in the Northwest part of the city, built on a private lake, lots of big trees they built around, a playground for children of all ages. It was the perfect setting for families with young children. Best of all it was a house they were now living in, not a mansion. Marlena had her fill of those. It was large, but it was a place that could feel like a home for a family to share, a place to have friends come and feel like they could relax, instead of worrying about one of the kids breaking something valuable. She was infinitely pleased with the style and decor they had chosen. It was tasteful; some rooms were elegant with expensive furnishings, others very warm and comfortable places where one could kick ones shoes off, plop down on the couch and watch television. It was a place where they could have fancy catered dinner parties for business purposes or simple family and friendship gatherings.
Marlena plunked her purse and keys down on the table near the couch in the front sitting room and then turned to face John, who was still standing near the doorway, almost as if he thought she might ask him to leave. She questioned him about it, “John… honey.. why are you still standing way over there… you’re not thinking that…” she started to ask him.
“Well, aren’t you?” he asked, as the apprehension shot through him unexpectedly, cutting her off, almost accusingly, practically pushing her to confirm his worst fear. He was somehow not able to think rationally for the fear that she was going to leave him, that the thought of a Dimera touching her body repulsed her. John believed that sooner or later her bitter hatred would rear its ugly head and he would suffer in the fallout of her reaction, or more accurately, they both would. ‘Might as well get it overwith now,’ he was thinking. Then he saw her righteous anger and winced in response to her searing expression, averting his gaze slightly.
Marlena stepped closer, staring him down, willing him to look up into her angry eyes. “No…as a matter of fact, I don’t want you to leave… that is what you’re getting at!” she presumed, continuing without waiting for verbal confirmation of what she saw in his slightly hidden eyes, “and I resent your tone.. Don’t you trust me, John? Can’t you believe in the strength of our love… after all this time?”
Shame washed over him. How could he really think that she would be so shallow as to reject him because of this latest horrifying news. Looking at her again, he said apologetically, “I’m sorry… I don’t know, Doc… I’m just so.. confused, I don’t know what to think about all this… I mean… it still seems… it seems.. like a nightmare.. that I’m gonna wake up from and say, whew… glad that’s over, but..”
Bridging the physical distance between them, she reached out her hands to take his, saying firmly, “But it isn’t, John… and you… no.. *we* have to face what it means for both of us. I am not afraid of him anymore. We have stood up to everything he tried to do to break us apart and I will NOT let him do it again.. especially not because he happens to have donated the sperm that created the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life!” She removed her right hand from his left and used it to tip his chin up slightly, so that he was forced to meet her sincere gaze, and absorb the authenticity of her words, “I am glad for that much… because you are here.. that’s all that matters, but he is NOT your father, John… not in any way that counts, honey. You of all people should know by now how little blood means when it comes to family ties.”
A heavy sigh escaped his mouth, and he paused before replying, in an attempt to put his thoughts and emotions into words, “Oh… that all sounds so good, Doc… in theory…” John said as he disengaged from her warm presence and started to roam the living room, thinking about the possible long-term ramifications. Having imagined various possible scenarios he said seriously, “But in real life I’m afraid that biology does mean something in this case. Can you honestly stand there and tell me that you’re not going to flinch once in awhile when I touch you and hold you close to me, or if I reach out quickly for you.. that you’re not going to feel a fraction of the fear you felt when he tried to make you.. be with him, that you’re not going to wonder… whether I’m not like him in some ways.. whether that training he put me through worked so well because I have his blood flowing in my veins.. If you see me yelling at the kids one day.. that you aren’t going to be a little nervous that I might hurt them.. Tell me, Doc…. look me straight in the eye and tell me none of that has crossed your mind since I told you that I’m Stefano Dimera’s illegitimate son.” He was staring at her, searching her eyes for a denial. When he didn’t see it, his heart sunk and a soft moan sneaked out, exemplifying his worries.
She knew it would hurt, but she also knew she couldn’t lie to him. Afew strange thoughts like that had come to mind, but it didn’t have to mean she had any real doubts about him. “John… please.. let’s not do this… It’s our anniversary.. honey.. we were going to have some special time together.. can’t we put this away for a little while and enjoy each other’s company?”
Oh, how he wished he could… but the haunting lyrics from that song kept playing over and over in his mind, ‘My father’s eyes… When I looked into my father’s eyes..’ sung Eric Clapton, over and over in his head. It hurt so much to face that truth and the fear, however irrational, that he would one day turn out like his Old Man… was so strong, strong enough to control his heart and his tongue. “Oh.. Doc.. I want to forget about it, but I can’t! You wanna know what I keep seeing in my mind, Marlena?” he asked, fully intending to tell her regardless of what she said.
“No… honey… what do you see?” she asked, sensing he was referring to something which was very painful for him, related to Stefano and his encounters over the years.
“I keep remembering… Maison Blanche.. how he would.. grip my cheeks so hard and just.. glare angrily into my eyes… looking to see if the drugs were having their effect, searching for the signs that I was under his complete control. Now… I find out that it was my.. father’s eyes I was looking into all those times he had me. My own father is the one who…. hurt me, who… tortured me. My father is the one who stole my life away from me… the one who hurt you and Roman and so many others.”
Marlena didn’t know what to say that would help ease the pain. She offered something, just to let him know she cared. Trying to hold him again, she said softly, “I’m just so sorry, honey… I know that it hurts you to think of that.. but at least.. he didn’t know it.”
“Somehow that doesn’t seem to matter much right now. Oh.. Doc.. it was my father’s eyes I was staring at… and I keep seeing the hatred, the.. contempt, his total… disregard for the suffering. I don’t understand this, Doc… How could God…. let a father do that to his own son?” When he finished he was struggling valiantly to hold the emotions inside, believing he had already cried too much.
Sitting down hard on the couch, he put his head in his hands sighing with emotional exhaustion, wishing it all away, wishing he had simply left the past buried deep down under ground where no one could be hurt by it. Now, because he just couldn’t let it go and be satisfied with the wonderful future he could have with the woman he had always loved and their three children, his world was rocked. The very foundations of his life and all that he knew were crumbling down around him. AGAIN!! It was broken into a million tiny slivers by the shocking revelation about his true heritage and the legacy of evil that was associated with the name he now knew was his. All things Dimera now pertained to him and it simply crushed his heart and shattered his soul to confront and accept his new reality. Hard as he worked to push all the pain down, to make himself believe that he could handle it and that it didn’t have to affect the marriage, John felt the salty liquid pooling in his eyes against his will.
Marlena’s heart went out to him. Of all things he could have learned about his past, this was by far the worst. It was simply unimaginable in every sense of the word, that Stefano Dimera could be the man who gave John life, when he had taken one away out of self serving cruelty. Sitting down next to her husband, placing her slender arms around him, she said, “Oh… honey.. I know it’s so hard… to accept this and it hurts you so much. I also know it’s very confusing for you right now, but you have to believe that I’m not going to leave you because of it. Don’t put your anger and frustration off on me. I’m the one who’s here for you, the one who will always be here, honey.”
Looking up into her understanding, compassionate eyes, he apologized, “I’m so sorry, Doc… I didn’t mean to… this is… it’s just.. so unbelievable. I feel so… disgusted… so..” Shaking his head defeatedly, he added, “I don’t even know…. ashamed I guess. Yea, I’m ashamed to be a Dimera. There is such evil associated with that name. Now I share it… and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it, Doc!” he finished, the helpless frustration highly evident in his tone and his general demeanor. He gazed at her loving expression, wishing with all his might that this amazing woman who always knew what to do could fix this one too.
Massaging his shoulders, which were so taut with the stress, she agreed with him and then laid down the situation as she saw it, “No… there isn’t, but you can do something about the way you handle this news. You can let it consume you… you can let it leave you afraid of losing me, losing others that you love, so afraid that you push us all away. Or… you can choose to accept it and move on with your life in essentially the same way as before. You can put this away as just another chapter in the story of your life that doesn’t have to change who you are fundamentally. You and all the people who love you know that this won’t change the man you are inside, and you need to acknowledge that in your mind and believe it in your own heart. No one can convince you of it, honey.”
John sighed wearily… she was so insightful. Nodding, he agreed, “You’re right, Doc.. I know you are, but the worst part of it is the fact that if… no.. when he finds out, he’ll never leave us alone. He’s going to want to be around the kids… and I don’t want him coming anywhere near Belle, Brady, and even Evan, because he will try to lure them into his way of life. Marlena… I want you to know…. I’ll die before I let that happen, or I’ll…k..”
She put three fingertips of her right hand over his mouth, stopping him from speaking those last two words, saying fiercely, “No.. don’t say it… don’t you talk about that, John!” Staring him down, Marlena confronted him, “The *only* time that I’m afraid you might be like him are the times when you speak of killing him. Your face hardens and your eyes are cold as ice. That frightens me, honey.”
Again, he was apologetic, dropping his head slightly before responding, “I’m sorry, I just don’t want him anywhere near the kids. I don’t want him to have one shred of influence over them. Everything he touches turns to… evil,” he finished, still wondering if it would ring true for himself somewhere down the line.
Marlena could literally see and feel the tension rising in his face and in his body, even as she continued to massage his shoulders and neck. She had to find a way to help him get past the rage he felt toward the other man, to look at how it would affect them if he didn’t control that destructive emotion. “I understand that, I do. But there are other ways to handle the situation besides taking violent action against him, John. It would only makes matters worse for everyone if you do something drastic. I want you to make me a promise right here, and right now, John…. no violence.”
He hesitated, and her eyes bore a hole right through him as he pondered her demand. A part of him had wanted to kill Stefano Dimera since the day the monster had so cruelly revealed that indeed he was not the real Roman Brady. In the agonizing chaos of that moment, John felt murderous fury and if he could have gotten close enough, he would have strangled the man right then and there, secrets or no secrets. Of that he had no doubt. In hindsight it wouldn’t have mattered, the man never revealed any of John’s past, and never would. There were several other times since, such as in Paris. God.. what the man had nearly done to the woman John loved… all the kidnappings… the fear he caused her, all the time Dimera had kept her from being with her loved ones. It made John extremely sick to think of all the pain the Old Man had inflicted on so many people he cared about, and John often felt that same murderous rage returning whenever his path crossed with Stefano Dimera’s.
Her husband of one year now was obviously torn, wanting to do as she asked, yet another part of him wanting to go confront his tormentor to get the job done, once and for all. “John… answer me… Can’t you make me that promise? Isn’t preserving our marriage and sharing a life raising our wonderful children worth more than acting on the hatred you feel toward him?” she asked, hoping he would begin to think clearly and therefore agree with her strong request.
Please Don’t Shoot the Messenger Sir
Bart knew he had to tell his boss what he’d learned, but he dreaded being the bearer of bad tidings, for fear the messenger would be killed. As he absently played with the tiny tape on which he had recorded two long conversations he’d overheard on the pier, he was asking himself, “How can I possibly tell Stefano something like this?’ John Black… the man his boss had hated for as long as Bart had been working for him turns out by some ironic twist of fate to be his son. Wasn’t that a kicker? Stefano was not going to be pleased, to say the least. In fact, he probably wouldn’t believe it without incontrovertible proof, of which Bart had none. But the fact that John Black believed it was pretty good evidence in and of itself; he certainly had lots of reasons not to want to accept it.
The man was a total wreck about it. Never in all the time Bart had been observing the man his boss despised, had he seen John Black so distraught as he did on that pier with the ISA man. And then shortly thereafter with his best friend the cop. Bart had seen tapes and been present for much of the man’s time as Stefano’s captive, including beatings, drugging, and some very rough brainwashing techniques. This was infinitely worse for Black to handle than any of that brutal mistreatment. It had destroyed the very foundations of the man’s sense of who he was to learn that his vicious tormentor was actually his own flesh and blood.
With all that as a backdrop, Bart’s own reaction took him by surprise; when he thought about it for any length of time, it made him break into fits of laughter. It was, after all, the ultimate irony, the perfect paradox, that two mortal enemies who had been going at each other’s throats for almost thirteen years would turn out to be related in this most significant of ways. Stefano a man who had lost two children to death, another to life in prison.. at least for now, and another to life in a psychiatric hospital, some of that because of John Black… now would learn he had another child, one whom he himself had physically and emotionally abused a dozen times over, not to mention almost killing him several times.
And John Black, man who had gone most of the past decade without one solid memory of his own life. Wondering about his true identity, wishing to learn about his upbringing and his young adult life, to recapture his heritage, had just been told that the man responsible for those large gaps and for most all of his pain and suffering was actually his biological father. How fascinating it all was. Bart couldn’t wait for the fireworks to begin, though he was definitely hesitant to be the messenger. Stefano would not take kindly to the situation and John might be murderously angry.. possibly believing that the “Old Man,” as he called Stefano, had known about it the entire time which would make all that the *wicked* man had done to him that much more despicable in John’s eyes.
As Bart stood outside the door to the Dimera Mansion where Stefano had once again taken up residence, he rehearsed the words he would use to give his boss the news. Suddenly, the door opened to reveal the person of his contemplation. “Bart… what are you doing standing out here? Have you nothing better to do?” he asked, sounding frustrated about something.
“Well, I uh… I was just.. thinking sir,” he said sheepishly.
“How novel.. and what about may I ask?”
This was going to be even harder than he thought; the man was obviously already on edge about something, maybe about the police investigation he wasn’t supposed to know about. “Well, I.. uh.. I followed Donovan.. like you said.. to see what he was up to and I found out,” he said as he stepped through the door to enter the foyer.
Eager for some information that would help his cause in taking John out of the picture with Marlena, he raised his voice at his employee as they walked toward the living room, “Well, don’t just stand there! Tell me Bart!”
His tone was already so harsh and Bart was hesitant to reveal what he’d learned, “Sir… it’s not going to be easy for you to…”
By this time they were in the other room and Dimera was becoming upset with the delay, saying angrily, “Bart, I pay you to do these things… tell me now! Why is Shane Donovan in Salem? Does it have anything to do with me? I know that Brady, Carver, and… John are still trying to pin that imbecile Susan’s death on me.. Is he working with them on it?”
“Well, yes and no… it does have to do with you.. but it..”
“BART… If you don’t tell me.. So help me!” Stefano threatened menacingly, taking a step toward his subordinate.
That alone was frightening and he began to answer, “Well, it seems John Black has been looking into his past again and Donovan was helping him with it. Sir..he.. Oh, you’re not going to like this…”
“Out with it, Bart…NOW!!” Stefano demanded with a booming voice that surrounded them.
His hireling winced as he said the words that would rock the foundations of the empire, “Okay… okay… Donovan has strong evidence to prove that.. you are.. John Black’s.. biological father..” There, he’d said it.N ow he had to deal with the fallout from the bomb, praying he wasn’t knocked down by the debris.
The silent aftershock was deadening and it lasted for excruciatingly long moments before Dimera exploded in denial about what he’d been told, while shaking his head violently and pacing back and forth on the living room rug. “No… no.. NO! I don’t believe it! NEVER… He can NOT be my son… I would KNOW if such a thing were true!” After a long painful pause he spoke again. “Who… who did… Donovan say was John’s mother?” he finally managed to ask, his voice shaky with a myriad of emotions in response to this startling information.
“Uh… he thinks it was…Rachel.. but they weren’t one hundred percent sure about that part of it. You should have seen Black when he realized what it meant. I’ve never seen somebody get sick so fast.”
Stefano realized immediately, to what he was referring, “Oh my God! That means Kristen is…”
“Right… that’s exactly what he said… and then he lost his dinner..” said Bart with a trace of a smile, hiding it as quickly as possible. She was the boss’s daughter, after all, and he had to be very careful what he said about the situation.
Stefano felt like doing the same thing John had done in response to hearing about it, “No…no.. they must have made a mistake! It just can’t be!” he shouted, continuing to shake his head in total disbelief. It was too hideous to consider, the man he hated could not be born of his flesh.. Fate could not be so cruel.
“That’s what he kept saying too, he didn’t want to believe it. sir.. I.. uh… taped the conversation once I heard what they were talking about. Do you want to hear it?” his employee asked timidly, holding out the item in question.
“Yes.. give it to me.. and then leave me alone.” Dimera snatched it angrily from Bart’s hand at the same time as he answered the question.
“Yes sir, Mr. Dimera. I’ll just…be in the kitchen if you need me for anything,” Bart replied while making a hasty retreat. The shock would begin to wear off and he didn’t want to be anywhere near his boss when it did.
Without another word, Stefano turned away and hurriedly popped the tape into his mini recorder and listened to what he would never believe. Never in a million years could it be true……
“All this time…. and what he did to me… to think that my own flesh and blood could.. steal my life away, lock me up in chains.. beat me, drug me into oblivion and take my memories and replace them with someone else’s. And then when I started to remember.. try to do it all over again? How could he do it to his own son, Shane?”
“John.. that’s what I was trying to tell you just now. I don’t think he knows. It was a long and involved process to discover all the answers. I really don’t think Dimera knows that he’s your father. I believe that Stefano will be just as shocked to learn the truth about this as you are.”
“My God.. could it be true?” Stefano was asking the air around himself, after stopping the tape to deal with what he’d heard. You’re damn right Donovan… I am shocked alright… and equally sick to my stomach.. how could that… man, my avowed enemy.. be my son?” He turned it back on to hear more of the conversation. What he heard made him feel sicker still…
It was Shane speaking again, correcting John about something, “You mean is.. She *is* your half-sister, John. Unless.. there is some other explanation for that.”
“What do mean.. that Rachel wasn’t their mother?” There was the faint hope in the man’s tone of voice, hope that he hadn’t had sex with his own sister.
It made Stefano disgusted to think of it as well. Thankfully Kristen would never hear these words, protected as she was in her current state of mind….
Donovan went on to say, “Could be.. or maybe Rachel’s not your mother, I don’t know for sure. Nothing else is as it seemed to be about Dimera or the Blake family. It’s possible, John. All, I know with absolute certainty at this point is that Stefano is your father.”
Stefano could almost hear the waves of nausea building. Then he heard a horrified groan and the words….
“Oh.. I’m gonna be sick, Shane.. Oh, God!” Then, John obviously did what he said as the sounds of vomiting were plainly identifiable on the tape. It was all Stefano could do not to vomit himself… just considering the possibility that it was true. There was a long silence after that and then John spoke again……
“Oh.. my God… I had sex with my sister? I was… in love with my sister? Oh.. Shane.. this is.. worse than I ever could have imagined!” There was another pause, and Stefano could hear John’s boots rattling the planks and then the sound of his hand slapping against a piling, before John said with obvious anguish, “Dammit!! Why didn’t I quit looking? Why wasn’t I just satisfied with my life the way it was? Doc and I were finally married, she was okay with who I became, the kids are loving the fact that we’re a family, the Brady’s gave us their blessing. Even Roman and I mended our fences. Everybody was happy. Oh.. Dammit, Shane!”
For some odd reason that part of it made Stefano laugh. Just when the man thought all his problems were over, and he could simply live in peace, free of all things Dimera.. Now he had a whole new set of troubles.. “Ha… ha, John.. you will never be free of me. I have tried to tell you that so many times, and now you know it is true!” the Old Man was saying to himself as he fast forwarded a little. It was Shane’s voice again, trying to help John accept the reality of his situation. Obviously, John and Shane believed it without question at this point. Should he do the same? Could he? There wasn’t time to answer those questions or deal with how he felt about it; there was still more to hear…..
“I’m so sorry, John… I know that when you started looking into your past again this was the last thing you expected to find. But, it’s out there now, and you have to face it and accept it. You are the son of Stefano Dimera. The man you hate with all your guts is your biological father and the grandfather to your children and you have to find a way to deal with that.”
Their grandfather…Brady and little Belle. Evan too.. ‘Oh.. isn’t this just perfect? He has no idea that I know the truth.. and he’s going to try to hide it from me…that much was obvious. How much fun I can have with that.. ha ha! Stefano turned his attention back to the tape once again, and he heard John’s powerful emotional outburst. It was very clear that his enemy was trying to decide how to tell his wife the shocking news……
“My God.. the things he’s done to her.. what he almost did to her in Paris… and it’s my father! My *father* almost raped my wife, the woman I love more than anything on this earth. My father stole five years of her life from her, my father used me in his sick plans for revenge on the Brady family. That bastard took her loving husband from her and their children, and from his family for seven years…and put me in his place. Then he took it all away from me and because of me, because of what Stefano set in motion, Roman lost everything again. Marlena was devastated and I watched while she suffered through the worst ordeal a person could ever experience. Carrie and the twins were terribly hurt by all of it, and they lost so much time with their parents. All that pain and suffering caused by a sick demented excuse for a human being, who just happens to be my FATHER!!“
Shaking his head, Stefano spoke to the man on the tape as if here were right there in the room, saying, “John… John John….you’re much too hard on me; I didn’t cause all of that misery, and you know it. You brought a lot of it on yourselves by your lack of self control,” Stefano was saying as he continued to listen with perverse fascination, somehow managing to keep the horror at bay. Dimera pushed fast forward again and when he stopped the tape, he heard Abe Carver’s voice. The man was speaking passionately, obviously trying to convince John of his own goodness….
“…and I know that you are NOTHING like him and you never will be, John!”
John was quiet for a moment and then he said with anguish and fear, “I don’t know that! How can you? He trained me, Abe.. He’s said it so many times, he trained me to…kill! What if he.. uses some.. trigger I don’t know about and makes me do it again? What if… it’s in my blood? What if I… hurt Doc or the kids? What if I turn.. evil too?”
“Ah… John.. that has always been your fear, that there is more buried in your brain than anyone knows. Things I’ve trained you for… missions I prepared you to carry out, but never got to send you on, and you were right. Perhaps I can use that to my advantage again.. perhaps I can plant the seeds of doubt in your mind as well as Marlena’s. If I cannot have her, at least you will have lost her too. That will be poetic justice indeed.”
As Stefano sat there, listening to the sound of a man’s sense of self shattering, the very foundations of his identity crumbling down around him yet again, Dimera felt the strangest array of emotions coming over him. It was as if some things about his adversarial relationship with his mortal enemy seemed suddenly much more understandable, the intensity… the passion with which he hated the man. Now, it made sense. He had always said that Love and Hate were flip sides of the same coin. Dimera never despised Roman Brady in quite the same way, not nearly so personally, as he did John Black, a man who in all reality had done very little to spark his malevolent, vindictive ire.
There was something about the man, some unidentifiable quality he possessed that drew Dimera in from the very first moment they came in contact with each other, some essence of the man that he wanted to own for himself. Other than eliminating John’s memories of what Rachel had revealed to him, Stefano desired to mold him in his own image, to train him… and it worked well for quite awhile. Then at some point, the process had broken down and Stefano was no longer able to exert the control he wanted over his “pawn,” in some ways like a father-son bond gone sour, he mused. Maison Blanche had proven that, but perhaps now, armed with this knowledge and just the right use of the untapped triggers planted deeply within John’s mind, he could have it back. It would be fascinating to learn exactly how effective the techniques he and Rolf developed and perfected were on a long term basis.
And yet, the man was quite possibly his biological son, another child. That was always the one aspect of his life that didn’t quite fit, his love for his children. If it were true, by some bizarre twist of fate, how then could he even contemplate causing further turmoil to John when he had already stolen so much of his life from him? Stefano was genuinely torn, and it was the strangest sensation he had ever experienced. It troubled him noticeably and that was the most unusual part of it all. He had never once been significantly troubled by something that was required by his plans; never had his conscience spoken to him regarding the hideous things he had done to John Black, or maybe… he just never listened.
Patiently Waiting
Marlena sat quietly on the couch in the front room of their new home, patiently waiting for her husband of exactly one year to make her a promise she had wanted to hear him utter for a very long time. “Well, John… aren’t you going to answer me?” she finally asked, not able to restrain herself any longer.
John was now standing and looking out the front window, toward the gates of his beautiful new home, a home built with money he now knew wasn’t his. Suddenly, most everything about the world looked very different to him, all the colors fading to grays and blacks. Absently, he mused about how fitting that it was one of the darkest nights he could remember, with nary as star to be seen in the sky. Having calmed slightly, John blew out a long breath in reply, then spoke quietly, “You know, Doc… a part of me has wanted to kill him since the second I saw him in Mexico… when he told me that I wasn’t Roman Brady…and shattered my world. God knows we’ve had our moments where we had each other by the throat.. And, now it turns out that sick Bastard is the man who gave me life. He’s done it again… found a way to shatter my world into a million pieces.. Talk about ironic.. I mean how much more bizarre can my story get, Doc?” John asked, wishing she had an answer. He wondered if what he had always thought were true was actually the case which was that if it would just stop for awhile he could be truly happy. If he could settle into a normal life with his wife and little children, he could find peace and fulfillment. He almost had that and yet again, Dimera was responsible for snatching that peace and serenity from his hungry grasp. “Damn him, anyway!” John swore under his breath.
Marlena was trying to help, but didn’t know if he could be reached; the pain was so fresh, but she wasn’t giving up, not yet. Slowly, she crossed the distance between them and reached up to begin massaging the tense muscles of his neck and shoulders as she spoke softly to him, saying, “I know it’s hard to deal with, John… that it shakes you up.. in ways I can’t fully comprehend. I understand that, I really do, but there are two very important facts you need to hold on to through the rough days ahead. First…is that you are a very good man… You’re a wonderful husband and father, a trusted friend with so many fine qualities that I can’t think of right now…because it’s awfully late, ” she said, stifling a yawn, pleased to hear the slight chuckle he gave in response. “Second, and even more important than that is the fact that I love you… no matter what, come hell or high water.. I *love* you, I’m married to you and *nothing* is ever going to change that, not even the fact that Stefano Dimera happens to be your biological father.”
Somehow, she managed to make everything seem as though it would be allright and he couldn’t hold onto the anger for very long. Not when she was nearby; her calming influence on him was extraordinary… even after he had just essentially tried to push her away. Realizing once again that she was a remarkable woman, John sighed contentedly and turned toward her, saying, “Doc… did I tell you enough times today how very much I love you, how glad I am that you married me, and how amazingly good you are for me?”
“Well, not in the past couple hours or so.. no, but I won’t hold it against you if you decide you’d like to… show me, right now..” she teased as she moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him so that they were inches apart.
“Uh… I think something to that effect might be arranged.. but first.. you’ll have to slip into the something new I never showed you before,” he said cryptically.
“Something new?” she asked quizzically.
He smiled and continued the teasing banter, “Uh hmm, you know.. something old, something new….. the wedding deal.”
It took a moment to register, but then she caught on. Her eyes lit up and she nodded saying, “Oh… oh…that kind of something new.. Well, you know me… I love to have new things…”
He winked and stole a quick kiss, then whispered in her ear, “Okay then, you wait right here and I’ll be back with your little surprise.” Before she could say anything, he was halfway across the room from her.
“Oooh, I’ll be…right here… waiting, John… hurry back,” she called after him with a seductive tone.
“That’s what I’m countin’ on Doc,” he said from afar. She heard a closet door opening and closing and then his footsteps on the tile flooring in the foyer, then the kitchen door. There were numerous muffled clunking sounds after that and then it was as if there were wheels rolling down the hallway, making a clickity clack sound. Next, there was his voice, saying, “Close your eyes, Marlena… please.”
“Okay… I guess I’ll trust you this one time.. since it’s such a special night.” Making an obvious gesture, she placed her hands over her eyes. It was only a second or two before she was given permission to open her eyes. Her heart melted and she felt the moisture of joyful tears forming when she did so. The lengths to which he would go to please her sometimes amazed her. She was staring at a cart which explained the noise. On the bottom was a fancy antique bowl, containing a bottle of fine champagne chilling on ice. Then, on top was a tray full of a sumptuous array of fruits, strawberries among them, of course, and a delectable looking dip that had to be whipped cream based, all of which brought a delighted smile of anticipation to her face. In the middle was a decorative vase filled with lilacs, flanked by two antique silver candlesticks, each containing a candle that she knew came from their wedding ceremony one year ago. “Oh.. John… you… are so… romantic and sweet. I just love you so…” she said tearfully.
John waited until she had taken all of that in before handing her the first package. As he did so, she looked at him in a way that told him all he ever needed to know. Everything she said about her love and steadfast commitment was completely true. Even the fact that he was a Dimera didn’t matter to her, or if it did matter, it didn’t change how she felt or affect her desire to be married to him.
John slipped past her to arrange the blankets and pillows he had placed on the specially designed bay window that overlooked the lake in the background. This was a wide window ledge, wide enough for two adults to lie down comfortably… He remembered the builder chuckling when he explained exactly what he wanted in that spot. Marlena did too and smiled as she watched her husband fix it up for their time together. “So… you want me to open this now?”
“Umm hmm.. I’d say that now is just about the perfect time,” he answered, turning his attention to his wife. He stood there for a moment, admiring how incredibly beautiful she looked in the soft glow of candlelight, as well as the shadows cast by the moon that sneaked its way through the cloud cover and down through the skylight above them.
Marlena proceeded to open the gift, which left her speechless. It was one of the most beautiful items of lingerie she ever remembered seeing. He had obviously bought it while they were honeymooning. It was an item she admired when they were shopping but didn’t buy because it seemed outrageously expensive to her. She had still been getting used to the concept that if she really wanted something she could just buy it. John had become very wealthy over a period of years and he was used to it at this point, but she wasn’t. A psychiatrist such as herself did well financially, but it wasn’t nearly on the same scale as his wealth. Therefore, if he noticed anything she seemed to really desire…. he bought it for her. Not on the spot.. but later on, so as not to make her feel uncomfortable. John only wanted to make her happy and would do anything to make that happen. “Oh, John… I told you.. this was much too expensive.. you shouldn’t have done this… but… I’m so glad you did! Thank you, honey, ” she said with broad smile, just before pouncing on him and smothering him with moist kisses.
When he recovered from the friendly attack, John was still breathing hard, but managed to get the words out, “Marlena… there is nothing I wouldn’t buy, nothing I wouldn’t give to put that smile on your face, I hope you know that by now. I love you lady… more than anything or anyone on this earth and I would do anything to please you.”
“I know that, John and I feel the same way… so, why don’t you open the gift I have for you. I think we’ve got a theme going here. It should.. fit right in.”
That was all the clue he needed. She had done the same thing. As he unwrapped the gift and opened the box, he began to chuckle. John was right… he lifted up the silk boxers, in a perfect shade of royal blue. The pair he had, were… ruined during a particularly rambunctious session of lovemaking and he pretended to be upset about it when it happened. Marlena had kissed and made up by promising to replace them. “Oh.. Doc.. where did you find these?” John asked, slightly surprised that she had remembered after the love they’d made that day.
“Oh… we wives have our little “Secrets” too you know.. So, are you going to model those for me, honey?” Marlena said with a sexy smile.
It felt so good to have this kind of fun, after what had been happening earlier and he was really getting into the groove. With a mock tone of offense, he said, “Oh.. I feel like such a piece of meat… but for you… I’d do anything.” In the next moment, he was out of the room and then in another second or two, her husband returned with only the boxers decorating his long lean frame.
She swooned just to look at his still very fine physique. “Oh.. John… you are more and more handsome to me every year.. Those look so… sexy on you,” she said with a seductive wink as she approached him, running her hands up and down his bare chest to get him started.
Wanting to have her wearing the same amount of clothing, John gave her a hint of things to come in a soft but very passionate kiss. “Okay… honey.. it’s your turn now,” he said, his twinkling eyes eager to see her wearing the item in question.
Marlena sauntered out of the room, swinging her hips exaggeratedly to build his anticipation and it worked. “Oh.. Doc.. hurry up before I just decide to rip all your clothes off and take you right now!” he called out anxiously as she slowly exited.
“Just try it buster!” she said, pretending to be prepared for a challenge and then in a very sweet teasing tone of voice she added, “Please?” as she poked her head around the corner.
He threw his head back and laughed… “Don’t tempt me that way, Doc… I think you know by now that I have very little willpower where you are concerned.”
“Oh… don’t I know it, baby… and don’t ever think that I don’t…” she was saying as she undressed around the corner. Then, she extended one bare leg just past the frame of the door, which elicited a sound she knew well. John had a way of sighing that sent shivers of desire up and down her spine. As she stepped into view she completed her sentence, “appreciate the fact that I can still tempt you so easily, husband of mine.” Her body posed enticingly, she spoke in passionate broken whispers, “Now… why don’t you… come on over and.. wish me… Happy Anniversary, like only… you… can do… honey.”
Barely able to think at all, John managed to eek out a response, “Woah… Doc… I would… but I can hardly.. even.. breathe.. right now.” He was literally speechless to look at her stunning beauty in the item of silk she was wearing. It was made for her, flattering her plentiful curves perfectly. Literally dizzy with desire for her, it was all he could do to keep himself from falling over as his eyes went wide open and stay fixed on the vision of beauty before him.
A satisfied smile appeared on her face and she managed to tease him one last time, saying seductively, “So… I guess that means you like how I look in my… outfit.”
“Oh.. yea… that’d be a.. safe bet,” John said, breathlessly, as he nodded his head and slowly moved toward her, letting her see the depth of his passion in his brilliant blue eyes. They were full of fire, aglow with the intensity of his love and need to join with her in that euphoric experience called making love.
Amazed By Love
Come bring me your softness
Comfort me through all this madness…….
Marlena smiled seductively and took his hand, guiding him gradually toward the staircase. His gaze was directed adoringly upon her, the love and desire he was feeling, overflowing from his heart and shining through his eyes. Only this woman could make him forget the soul shattering pain resulting from what he’d just learned. She made the pain go away; she gave him love such as he had never known, only dreamed of knowing for so long and now she was his wife and they were actually celebrating their first year in marriage. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it was real, half expecting to wake up one morning to find it was all just another dream. Marlena could make everything alright when the very foundation of his life seemed to be crashing down around him. When he felt beaten down, she held him up; when the tortured darkness descended and threatened to envelop him in despair, she brought goodness and light to his troubled soul. When everything seemed cold and hard, she brought warmth and softness, her tender touch giving him such pleasure as he could only have imagined.
As they reached the master suite, John attempted to express the depth of emotion he held inside for her. “Marlena… I love you so much… I am more in love with you right now…. in this moment.. than ever before,” he whispered in a passion filled voice, his hands gently cupping her face, his eyes an open window.
As she reached out to caress his cheeks in return, her eyes began to fill with love’s tears, and her voice was soft and tender, “Oh.. John…. I love you too… so much…and honey… I want to make you forget everything tonight… everything but you… and me… and the love we share.”
His heart swelled just to gaze into those amazing, loving eyes that glistened in the soft rays of candlelight. With moisture born of his deep affection and gratitude forming in his eyes, he lightly grasped her shoulders, holding her at arms length and said with great sincerity, “Oh.. pretty lady…you do so much for me… I can’t begin to explain it, Doc… Whenever I’ve felt like I couldn’t go on.. when life was… too painful… you were there… you’re always there for me, Doc. Your smile… your voice, the things you say to me, the way you touch me… even your tears… Marlena, everything about you makes me feel so alive and vital… and your love and support give me hope and strength.. when I can’t find them in myself. I don’t think you’ll ever really know what you do for me.. because there aren’t adequate words to describe it.”
Woman don’t you know with you I’m born again……
As they soundlessly moved toward the bed and began undressing, their gaze never wandering, Marlena began to weep as she spoke lovingly in response, “John… you touch me so… Honey… you do the same for me. I can’t even imagine my life without you… and nothing you ever learn about the past is going to change that.. Don’t you know that by now?” she asked, believing he was finally starting to get the message.
He shook his head slightly, feeling ashamed that he hadn’t believed in her or their love enough to tell her right away, “I should have… I didn’t.. but I should have.. This thing really threw me for a loop, but I should have trusted in you, in what we have. I’m sorry if I hurt you by holding back, Doc..”
“Oh… honey… I’m not really hurt.. it’s just that I thought we were way beyond the doubts… That was why I encouraged you to pursue it again.. because we were married and we both seemed so secure in our love.”
Still wondering how it would play out over the long haul, he shrugged out of his shirt and said somewhat uncertainly, “I know, Doc… and I was secure.. I mean I am… but finding out that I’m a…”
Marlena moved swiftly, putting her fingertip over his lips, stopping him before the name was spoken, “Hush, no… no more…talk of that,” she said shaking her head. Taking his hands in hers, she spoke with conviction, “John.. you are my husband, the man I love with all my heart and all my soul, and..” she said with a sexy wink, “… all my body. The name you go by, the name you were born with… it’s all the same to me.” She placed her hands on his bare chest, the one that still made her breath catch in her throat whenever he took his shirt off. As her hands settled into a familiar place, she finished, “What matters to me is what’s inside… I *know* the man inside, John… and that is all I care about.. okay?” she finished, beseeching him to have total faith and assurance in that love.
Come give me your sweetness
Now there’s you, there is no weakness…..
Her husband nodded, acknowledging the truth of her statement, at least from her perspective, saying quietly, “Okay… I understand… I really do, and I won’t doubt you or the strength of our love anymore… Now… where were we?” he asked with a sly smile as they reached a partially horizontal position, lying propped up on their elbows next to each other on their ample bed.
“Right… about.. here… I believe,” she said, alternating words with soft moist kisses in strategic spots. In response, John finished undressing himself and then helped his wife remove her skimpy, but tastefully sexy item of lingerie. Within seconds there was no more clothing to separate their bodies and they paused to admire the view, smiling in anticipation of lovemaking, as hands began to explore newly exposed territory.
Lying safe with you I’m born again……
John shut his eyes to focus on the physical sensations for the moment, saying as he did so, “Ah… yea… I think you got it just right… ” The talking stopped and only the sounds of love were heard, a soft moan here, a little sigh there. His breathing quickened as he kissed her, his tongue teasing hers, playing with the rising desire they both felt.
I was half not whole
Instead with none
Reaching through this world
In need of one………..
Although they always wanted to take it slowly and truly enjoy their lovemaking, there were times when the urgency seemed to control them and they surrendered to the intensity of the passion that existed between them. This was one of those times. The evening’s events had created a tension that could now only be relieved by joining into one flesh, allowing them to express their love and commitment in the most intimate of ways. His breathing labored, his internal temperature rising rapidly, John said as he leaned over her, “Oh.. Doc… I want to go… slow, but I need you.. I need you right now!”
“It’s okay… I want you like that too, John… I love you… I want to get closer… get closer, honey, ” she whispered breathlessly, peering into his sparkling blue eyes, loving what she saw in them.
Come show me your kindness
In your arms I know I’ll find this………
They stared at each other for a moment, mesmerized by the depth and breadth of the passionate love contained therein. Sometimes, it amazed them… their love was so strong, so powerful as to endure all the pain and separation, all the confusion about identities and other loves…. and still remain. Even this latest shocking news could not destroy it, nor truly even weaken it. John captured her mouth in a fiery kiss, his tongue moving fervently to stoke the smoldering embers into flames. After their lips broke contact, he moved down the length of her neck, his lips lingering in the hollow, happy to hear her moan with pleasure. “Oh.. John… oh, honey…”
Satisfied with the response he was eliciting, John buried his head in her chest and loved her with his mouth, his tongue making soft feathery swipes on those most tender spots. As their lovemaking continued, it was like an electric current flowing throughout her entire body, stimulating every nerve ending to fire and the pleasure intensified, as did her need to have her husband within her body.
Desperate to kiss him again, Marlena tugged insistently on the back of his head, bringing his face toward hers. It wasn’t a difficult struggle, as John complied almost instantly, eager to kiss her as well.
Her tongue met his and worked magic, first with soft, slow motions and then with rapid flickering movements which made him moan with the aching need to have her. “Oh.. Marlena… oh.. baby.. I want you… so much!” John knew it would be very soon. His body wouldn’t hold out for much longer. He *had* to take her ; she read it in his eyes and smiled delightedly, positioning herself in anticipation of the moment of ultimate joining.
Woman don’t you know with you I’m born again
Lying safe with you I’m born again…..
A few moments later, they were ready to climb to the highest heights of love. She gazed up at him and moaned with expectation of euphoria, his fine physique heated with overwhelming desire for her, all the love he felt for her visible in his eyes. “Oh.. John… I love you…. I just love you so….”
John could barely speak for the need of her, but he was compelled to tell her the same, “And… I…. love you… more than I can ever say… You are… *everything* I’ve ever dreamed of and more.. I love you… I love you…” he said repeatedly as he entered her and took them higher and higher toward the summit of love. When they reached the peak, he paused… allowing the intensity of his physiological sensations to envelop and control him completely, and yet wanting to look at her one last time. Her eyes opened and what he saw there brought indescribable joy to his heart that went all the way to his troubled soul.
Suddenly, nothing else in the universe mattered but this incredible….compassionate, understanding woman… this woman who had forgiven him so many mistakes…. this woman who loved him beyond his ability to comprehend…. “I *love* you…. ” he whispered once more with breathless intensity, just before he captured her mouth in a kiss of infinite tenderness. A kiss filled first with heated passion and then with love, devotion and a hundred other emotions that were indefinable. Marlena felt them when she was safe within the warm embrace of his loving arms; she felt them in his gentle loving touch. She felt them all in that kiss and it was wondrous…..
Come bring me your softness
Comfort me through all this madness
Woman don’t you know with you I’m born again
Come give me your sweetness
Now there’s you, there is no weakness
Lying safe with you I’m born again
I was half not whole
Instead with none
Reaching through this world
In need of one
Come show me your kindness
In your arms I know I’ll find this
Woman don’t you know with you I’m born again
Lying safe with you I’m born again………
Adjustment Issues
Instinctively, he sought out his comfort place, Pier 29. Walking along the Riverfront always brought some sense of inner peace to him, even when he was at his lowest point. The river was always there, like a trusted friend in times of trouble. This particular morning was unlike any other, for he had just learned a very important piece of his missing past, the true identity of his biological father. It was still so unreal to him that his tormentor, the man who had caused so much pain and anguish in the lives of so many people could actually have been the one who had given him life. It was absolutely abominable to John, causing a heart wound that went clear through to his soul. There was an aching sensation deep inside him that wouldn’t abate. It had disappeared briefly when he was in the arms of the woman he loved; however, he had awakened in the night to find that pain returning, and he arose at dawn and went to his thinking spot, alone.
As he stood there staring out over the water in the quiet solitude of an early summer morning, John contemplated his uncertain future, financial and otherwise. He had an appointment scheduled for that afternoon with Mickey Horton in which they would attempt to sort out his companies and funds, between those he’d started through the use of Toscano funds and those that operated under the auspices of Alaimain Industries. If it were indeed true and could be proven factually that he wasn’t Forrest Alamain, he would soon have to give up the bulk of his holdings, most probably to his ersatz brother, Lawrence Alaimain, something he dreaded immensely. Imagining what the gloating the little weasel would say and do in response was almost enough to make him vomit again, and he had certainly done enough of that the previous evening. Absently, he wondered if he would ever go and see Kristen at the Sanitarium. He had shut her out of his mind and out of his life for good, just after her disasterous suicide attempt, from which he’d saved her. She was essentially a raving lunatic at this point and he couldn’t see the point in telling her they were… siblings, just the mere thought of it making the bile rise in his gut.
John began to sense a presence nearby, an evil one he would know anywhere. Glancing around, he was slightly alarmed to see Stefano Dimera coming down the creaky old steps. He felt his blood pressure rising and his heart began pounding against the walls of his chest. More than anything, he wanted to leave, but he was trapped in the most awkward of situations. Swallowing hard and taking in a deep breath, John steeled himself for the encounter with his so-called father, praying he could control his reaction long enough to endure a conversation without revealing himself.
“Good morning, John…. you have a lot on your mind, do you?” he asked, intending to take control of the conversation from it’s very beginnings.
“None of your business, Old Man… Now, if you’ll excuse me… I have…” he started to say as he attempted to slip past the man who was his sworn enemy.
Lightly touching the man’s forearm, he said “John….John… don’t think you can pretend with me… I know you, John… better than anyone else. I know how you think, how you feel. I know you better than you know yourself. If you take away all the trappings, we’re so much alike, John.”
He didn’t know why, but somehow he always felt compelled to argue the point, “No you don’t, Stefano! You don’t know me at all! I’m *nothing* like you and I never will be, Old Man!!” he said forcefully, his voice raised nearly to a shout.
Decidedly cool, Dimera asked a question intended to push John’s buttons, “You know, John… that’s such an interesting choice of words, don’t you think?”
“What?” he asked, wrinkling his nose, confused by the cryptic comments.
“Old Man… why do you call me that? Have you ever thought of the reason for that?”
The way the man was talking it was almost as if he…knew… ‘No, how could he?’ he asked, feeling a jolt of adrenaline in his belly. There was no one else who knew it but Shane…. and he wouldn’t tell Stefano. ‘How could he possibly know?‘ John was asking internally, fearing the worst.
“John…. you’re not answering me… what is it? Have I got you stumped?” he taunted, loving the signs of tension in the man’s neck.
Working to hide his discomfited reaction, John finally said, “No…. it’s just an expression… that’s all, no deeper meaning.. Now.. I really do have to go, Dimera,” he said, taking a step toward the stairs, thankful to be more than an arm’s length away.
Enjoying John’s hasty retreat, Stefano made another little jab meant to shake the man up, “Yes… of course, John. Well, I’ll see you later.. Give my regards to Marlena and the children… especially little Evan. I hope you’re taking very good care of him for me.”
That was all it took; his nerves were on edge anyway, and that little veiled threat was enough to set John off. Crossing the distance between them in less than a second, John grasped Stefano by the collar of his trench coat and stared into his dark eyes. As he prepared for the inevitable warning threat, Stefano was thinking… ‘Right on cue… amazing how well I know him after all these years without having him under my direct control.’
The fierce anger was barely contained as John made his perspective perfectly clear, “Listen to me, Dimera…. if you so much as come near my family… you’ll be sorry… Stay away from us… and that includes Evan. He’s MY son now… since Susan was.. killed. Your claim on him is finished, whether you like it or not!”
Choosing not to respond to that assertion, Stefano decided instead to play with John’s mind, something he relished, almost more than any other single activity in his life, though he didn’t quite know why that was. A fleeting thought crossed his mind about that desire being wrong in some way, now that he knew the truth of John’s identity, but he dismissed it in favor of the game he’d been playing for so long. “John… have you ever noticed how much he looks like you.. I wonder… do you think it’s because he’s taking on your facial expressions, your gestures? They say that happens when children are adopted… you know… they grow to look like the people who raise them.”
John couldn’t hold back his initial gut reaction to that question, releasing Stefano immediately, who smiled with wicked delight. He had gotten to the man. John had obviously not been able to think it all through on that level. ‘Oh.. My God… Evan is…if Stefano is my.. father than Evan is… my.. little brother! Why didn’t I think of that before? Oh…I gotta get out of here… I can’t think when I’m around him… I gotta get away from him!’
Forcing down the nearly overwhelming conflicting array of emotions those thoughts evoked inside him, John said quickly, “I don’t have time to play your twisted little mind games Dimera. Just leave my family alone or you’ll regret it!” With that, he rushed up the old wooden staircase and raced toward the safe haven of his Jeep, where he could process the meaning of their interaction. When he arrived, he climbed in as quickly as possible and slumped down on the seat, trying to make sense out of what had just taken place.
As he leaned back in the seat, thinking, trying to figure out what he should do next, where he should go, his cell phone rang. “Hello?” he asked, his voicing giving his great distress away.
Thankfully, it was the soothing voice of the woman he loved. “Honey… it’s me… where are you?” she asked, her concern evident.
He felt bad about leaving without telling her where he was going. She was worried about him. Apologetically, he said, “I’m sorry, Doc….. I just had to get away for awhile… you know… to think things out. Sorry I left so early without telling you, but you were sleeping so peacefully and I didn’t want to wake you.”
“It’s okay… I know you have a lot on your mind, I was just worried about you… Where are you.. at the pier?”
He gave a one word answer that told her all she needed to know, “Yea…. ” he said, followed by a heavy sigh.
His tone indicated that something more had just happened to upset him, as if last night’s revelations were not enough. “Honey…. I can tell that something else is bothering you, what is it?”
He wondered if she’d thought that far… as he hadn’t. “Oh.. Doc… I just ran into Stefano… and he was saying some things… things that made me wonder if he knows.”
She was more than curious, asking, “Like what, John? Tell me what he said to you.”
Sighing wearily, John said…”Doc… I don’t want to do this on the phone… I’m coming home… are the kids awake yet?”
“Just Evan… you know him.. he’s up at the crack of dawn… You know… I was just noticing… how much he’s starting to look like you, John…. ” Suddenly, it hit her too… “Oh… John, if Stefano is….” she stopped mid-sentence and shared her conclusion, ” Evan… he’s….”
John completed the sentence for her, “My brother… I know… I just thought of it too. It’s a.. little… unsettling…” he said, trying to downplay his distress for her benefit.. but not being very successful.
Her heart went out to him. She could feel the pain in his voice. It had to be so confusing. John had grown to love the child as his own son again, especially in the past few months or so. “Oh.. honey… I know this is all such a shock for you. Are you sure you’re going to be okay to drive home?”
“Yea… I’ll be fine. I’ll see you.. later. Give that little guy a kiss for me… would you?” he asked, suddenly feeling an aching lump in his throat, realizing that he couldn’t face it yet… he just couldn’t go home.. not yet.
“Of course I will, see you soon. I love you, John… We’re going to get through this… it’s going to be okay, honey…”
Those words couldn’t have sounded any better to his ears than in that exact moment. “When you say that… I can almost believe it.. Don’t ever forget… I love you… so much… Bye, Doc.”
“John when are you…” she started to ask, but stopped when she heard the click of the phone. “Oh… John..” she said with another sigh, to no one but herself. She wanted to say some other encouraging words, but he had closed the phone before she could reply. John was hurting terribly and she was afraid she was going to lose him to despair before she could truly help him deal with all the shock waves she knew were washing over him at the moment. Marlena had hoped that the love they shared the night before would be enough to keep him with her, to make him forget the pain for awhile, but it wasn’t. Now, he was alone and questioning everything about himself again. She had to do something, she had to call someone… but who?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abe and Lexie were luxuriating in bed. It was, after all, their only day off to spend together.. no work, no cell phones.. no beepers.. Sundays were their days to be alone, with only each other to focus on. Lexie was beginning to notice that her husband was distracted by something and she was becoming quite curious. “Hey… honey… I can see that something is bothering you… do you want to tell me about it?” she asked, reaching out a hand to caress his whiskered cheek.
Sighing, he sat up in bed and said, “I can’t… it’s something… personal to someone I care very much about… I’m sorry, Lex.. I wish I could tell you.. You’re probably the only person who could really help in the situation.. but I can’t violate a confidence.”
“Oh.. boy, if I wasn’t curious before, I certainly am now. Maybe if you give me a little hint, I can guess what it is… Let’s see……”
Just as she was thinking of whom he could be worried about, the telephone rang, almost as if on cue. Still wondering, she picked up the receiver, saying, “Hello?”
“Lexie… good.. you’re just the person I needed to talk to….”
Pondering the possible reason for her friend’s early Sunday morning call, Lexie said, “Marlena… good morning… what’s going on?”
“Oh…Lexie.. it’s about John… and I think you’re the only person who can help him right now,” she answered, her anxiety evident in her voice. Lexie looked over at her husband and she knew in the instant their gazes met that his concern was for the same person. Her eyes asked the unspoken question on her mind and his uneasy expression and a slight nod of the head were all she needed to confirm what she suspected. Whatever it was that was upsetting John, it was serious, and if she were guessing correctly, it probably involved her father, Stefano Dimera in some way.
Brothers and Sons and Sisters Too
Lexie Carver listened with stunned amazement to the words spoken by Marlena and her husband, a bizarre but true tale that meant she suddenly had another sibling, a brother she already knew in a very different way. John Black was her biological half-brother. Wow! “I can’t… believe this… first we find out that Stefano is *my* father… and now we learn that John is his son… John Black is my brother! How can that be, Abe? Who is his mother? Does my father know about this? And… little Evan too, he’s….”
“Woah… slow down honey… and we’ll tell you what we know which isn’t very much. John didn’t give me all the details because he was so upset. He’s got a copy of the file that Shane put together, but I didn’t get a chance to look at it because John just needed my support last night.”
Marlena, who was wondering where her husband might have gone, added almost absently, “He hasn’t even shown it to me, Lexie. As you might imagine, he’s… devastated by the news.”
Sighing worriedly, Abe concurred, “She’s right, Lex… I’ve never seen him like that before…” He stopped in the middle of the sentence as he thought about how distraught his buddy was, then turned to the man’s wife and said, “Marlena, before you got there… he was… Oh, I can’t even really explain what it was like. It destroyed him and he was so afraid you’d leave him, or that he’d hurt you somehow… he thinks he’s going to turn out like Peter, Tony, and Kristen did… I thought that I had him convinced that he was being irrational about it, but I don’t know.”
The image of him standing uncertainly in the foyer returned to her mind’s eye, and she nodded, saying, “I know… he was acting so strangely… almost like he wanted me to reject him. He’s so shaken up by all of this. Last night…. we talked about everything and we celebrated our anniversary. We were… so close and I thought he was going to be alright. I mean, not that it wouldn’t hurt him anymore… but I didn’t think he’d… pull away from me. He was gone when I woke up this morning and he didn’t even leave a note for me. That’s not like him at all.”
Although she was reeling from this latest revelation, Lexie sought to reassure her friend and her husband that John would be alright eventually. “Oh… Marlena… I know this is hard on you too.. but he’ll get past it someday. Do you remember when I first found out that Stefano was my father? I reacted the same way. I was devastated too and thought I was going to become evil… because his blood was in my veins that I would slowly change, that I would hurt all the people I loved, and I wondered if I should leave Abe. I was so confused and hurt, and angry to have that truth kept from me for so long. It took quite awhile, but I realized that I wasn’t suddenly going to become a different person… that evil isn’t something that’s in the blood to be passed on in the genes. John will figure that out too, it’s just going to take some time for him to sort this through.”
Her friend sighed tiredly and said appreciatively, “Yes… I do remember and I thank you for reminding me of all that, but Lexie, it’s even worse for John. At least Stefano hadn’t… hurt you directly. John doesn’t understand how his own father could kidnap and torture him, how he could brainwash him into believing he was someone else and then take it all away. His own father has caused him such misery. He’s hurt… and so…confused, not to mention angry.”
A horrific thought occurred to Lexie and though part of her wouldn’t believe it even if the answer was yes, she had to ask, “Marlena… they don’t think my father knew all along, do they?”
Abe answered for her, thinking he might have been the one to get more details, “No… thankfully, it looks like he had no knowledge that John even existed. Rachel must have hidden him away somehow… after he was born. It’s all very confusing and John wasn’t in any shape to talk about it last night.. but I do know that Shane told him he believes Stefano doesn’t know.”
Marlena was quiet again, something which did not go unnoticed by the others. Finally, she shared some of what was going through her mind, “But…after what happened this morning… I don’t know. I’m really worried about him right now.”
Abe and Lexie looked at each other and then asked at almost the same time, “What happened this morning, Marlena?”
“Well, he ran into Stefano on the pier and he said something about how it seemed like Stefano knew… and then John realized that Evan… Evan is his brother. For some reason that really shook John up… He said he was going to come home and then all of a sudden.. I just got this feeling that he wasn’t… I tried to get him to tell me when he was coming and he hung up. Oh…Abe.. what if he… what if he.. went to go confront Stefano? Oh, my God… why didn’t I think of that before. What if he went back after Stefano… thinking he’s known all along?”
Abe denied the possibility based on his conversation with his buddy, “No… he told me last night that Shane doesn’t think Stefano knew… he thought Stefano was going to be just as shocked as John is about it. What exactly did John say to you this morning?”
“He didn’t; he was obviously upset and he told me he didn’t want to talk about it on the phone. It was just a feeling he had about their conversation.. but Abe… what if after he hung up he got to thinking about it and…” She stopped in mid-sentence and dialed John’s cell phone number. All she heard was, “The cell phone you have dialed has been turned off or is out of the service area.”
“He’s turned his phone off, Abe… he knew I would be worried about him; he knew I would try to call him again if he didn’t come home right away. Oh.. my God.. what if he did go over there?”
Abe was already on the phone, “I want half a dozen squad cars to meet me at the Dimera Mansion… now! I want an APB put out on John Black. If he is spotted, I want him detained for his own protection.” After handing out orders, he turned to his wife and their good friend and said, “Ladies.. I suggest we take a little ride out to the Mansion.”
In a few short moments, they were in the car and racing against the clock, praying all the while that John wasn’t where they thought he was, having a violent encounter with his biological father.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bart was doing the best he could to maintain the peace. “I’m sorry Mr. Black but Mr. Dimera isn’t here… he went out this morning and he hasn’t been back since.”
“I don’t believe you… now get outta my way, Bart! I’ll go through you if I have to… I want to see Dimera!”
“He’s not here and I want you to leave… or I’ll call the police… You don’t want a nasty scene do you? All that publicity… there could be some ugly rumors in the papers… you know.. things that will upset the Brady’s… your children and that lovely wife of yours, Dr. Evans…. you don’t want that, now do you?”
The longer the man talked, the more his words began to penetrate the rage. He was right about John not wanting adverse publicity of any kind. Bart didn’t know the half of it, or did he? Whatever the case, John decided it wasn’t worth the risk that the truth could come out that way. It would be sure to devastate their friends and relatives. And the scandal of him breaking up the Mansion; the press would paint it as proof of his genetic predisposition toward violence and destruction. “No.. I don’t… but you tell Dimera.. he better watch his back…. very closely. And tell him…. tell him I’ll be back!”
“Alright Arnold… I’ll tell him you were here,” Bart said with a snide sarcastic tone.
With a sardonic smile, John spoke with barely controlled rage. He wanted to punch the man’s lights out. “Oh… that was so clever.. no wonder why the Old Man hired you… you’re up on all those action flicks.”
“Yes… I love to see all the bodies flying everywhere… And the guns… I really get off on that stuff.”
“I bet you do.. you just tell him what I said!” He shot the man a look to kill and stormed out of the house. Bart breathed out a long sigh, extremely relieved there had been no confrontation. There was no telling what might happen if Stefano and John openly admitted what they knew about each other. As much as part of him wanted to witness that fireworks display, the other part of him wanted to be in another country when the fuse was lit.
Just as he began to relax, Bart saw the flashing lights of a long caravan of police vehicles speeding up the drive toward the door, sirens blaring. He took a deep breath and prepared for the onslaught, suddenly realizing the reason for their arrival. Someone was afraid that John Black had come to confront his boss and they were right. Bart found himself admiring the man’s strength, saying to himself, ‘So… he told some people; I gotta admire the guy…that took some guts.’
Lucky for all of them, John had just missed Stefano’s departure. Dimera had decided to go to Europe and meet with some of his best investigators to pursue the validity of Shane Donovan’s information. The jet was probably in the air about now. By the time Stefano returned, he would have as much information or more than the ISA, of that Bart was quite certain. When Stefano wanted information about something he always managed to obtain it, no matter the cost. That ability had never ceased to amaze his underlings. And to think that he could now travel freely about the world, without the threat of arrest looming large. Now, that was a truly incredible turn of events, one many didn’t think he would ever pull off. Coming up with the cure for Roman was a stroke of genius or pure luck… it didn’t matter.
Rumor inside the organization had it that Stefano had caused the illness in the first place, specifically so he could play the hero the way he did, engineering the process that eventually led to a pardon for all his crimes, something that still burned inside of John Black. Bart could see that every time he looked into the man’s sometimes deceptively calm blue eyes. Here was a man who was happily married, had three children to raise… seemingly all of his dreams coming true, but the rage was there, slightly hidden, unnoticeable to many, but not to Bart or Stefano. And, they played upon that rage any time they had the chance. Stefano had spoken of it many a time. Wouldn’t it be so delicious if he could be provoked into attacking Stefano, if John ended up in jail for let’s say… attempted murder? That would be the ultimate sweet justice in Dimera’s eyes. Bart couldn’t keep from wondering what might happen when the two mortal enemies met face to face and had to acknowledge that they were father and son.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After leaving the mansion, John went on back down toward the pier, hoping to cool his temper and wondering where Dimera had disappeared to so suddenly. He was nowhere to be found and Bart hadn’t given him anything. As he stood there staring absently out over the water yet again, he heard a familiar voice, “Hello… son… what you doing out here? If you’ll pardon me askin’… why aren’t you home celebratin’ your anniversary with Marlena and those three little angels of yours?”
He hardly heard what the man asked, his mind fixed on the word, son… ‘Son, for so long I thought I was Shawn’s son… and then I was Leopold Alamain’s son… and Lawrence’s brother, and now… I’m Stefano’s son and Peter and Kristen’s brother?’ How can that be? All the questions were swirling around inside his head again.
“John… did you hear me, son?” asked Shawn, wondering where the other man had drifted off to on him.
Again, he focused on that word and he repeated it with a distant sadness in his tone, “Son…. you still think of me as your son, don’t you Shawn?” he asked, feeling very comforted by that fact at the moment.
There was something in the man’s down turned eyes, some deep pain he couldn’t identify and he wanted to know about it. Somehow it was connected to the question he’d just asked. “You know I do, John… Lad… I can see that somethin’s weighin’ heavy on your mind… why don’t you tell me about it. I got pretty good ears to listen, John.”
Letting out a long breath, he mustered some courage and said, “Oh.. Shawn… I don’t even know where to start.”
“How about at the beginning…”
With a wry smile, John replied uncertainly, “I really wish I knew where that was… it sure would make things easier if I did.”
A puzzled expression appeared on the older man’s face, and he said, “John… you’re not makin’ much sense here.. please just tell me what has happened to upset you so much.”
Starting to pace, he sighed again and began the process once more, “I found out something about my past.. something that’s going to change everything for all of us… it’s about my… parents.”
“The Alamains…what about them, John?”
“No… not them. Shane found out the truth about my birth parents, Shawn… I’m not an Alamain…. The truth is…” John stopped short, suddenly very much afraid that if he revealed the secret he’d be rejected outright and he didn’t believe he could handle that.
“What… tell me lad, the suspense is killin’ me!” Shawn nearly demanded that John explain himself.
It was agony to say the words to this man, a man who had watched his own son as well as his grandchildren suffer so much pain and loss because of the evil man John was about to name as his birth parent. “Oh… this is so hard to tell you! Shawn… my real father is… Stefano Dimera… He’s my biological father.” John had to look away, muttering apologetically as he did so, “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry..” It was too painful to see the horror he knew was in the other man’s eyes.
The silence was deadening. Shawn Brady was rendered utterly speechless, but for the moment it didn’t matter, for there were no words that would accurately describe how that truth impacted him. His jaw dropped open and his eyes were as wide as humanly possible; he was in total shock for several long moments. When it had been so long that John was obviously becoming uncomfortable, the eldest Brady finally spoke, denying the reality of it as he shook his head, “No… no… that’s not possible… You couldn’t possibly have come from such evil blood. I don’t believe it.. I just won’t believe that you could be a… Dimera.. they’re such evil people!! No, John it just can’t be true!”
Talk about deja vu… it was almost word for word what the man had said about the Alamains. “I know… and I’ll.. understand if you don’t want anything more to do with me. It’s a lot to take in.” Just like before, John started to walk away, but his *father* stopped him with a hand to the forearm.
“No, son…. don’t go… this doesn’t change how I feel about you… don’t you know that by now? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, John…. you’ll always be *my* son, you’ll always be a Brady.. and that’s a fact!” He said it with much enthusiasm and it melted John’s defenses.
All he could manage to do was laugh as moisture of joy began to well up behind his previously fearful eyes. Once again, Shawn Brady had said the words he needed to hear. They embraced as they had that last time, hugging each other tightly, allowing the love of a well tested father-son relationship to fill their hearts. No matter what might come to pass, that bond would not be broken. “I love you.. Pop,” John said with an emotion filled voice, after a moment’s silence.
“I love you too, son… and I always will. Please believe me, son. No matter what you find in your past, John, nothing will ever change that.” His boy nodded, as a lone tear leaked out and trickled down his cheek. As they disengaged, he saw that his father’s eyes were moist too, and it made him smile to see it. To be truly loved for who he was, with total disregard for the unremembered past that came before was a wonder to behold, but he was beginning to believe it when people said it.
Marlena and Abe headed on over to the house, while Lexie went off to find John, her brother. What a bizarre turn of events it was–she had a brother, a man she already loved and respected as a close friend. Now, she and Marlena were in-laws, as were Abe and John. How strange life had become in recent years. John could at least feel good about that part of it, though he certainly wouldn’t ever feel positively about Stefano being his father, but maybe he could come to terms with it at some point, as she had. She in fact, had reached the place where she was okay with it, and she enjoyed spending time with Stefano. They talked about music, the arts, and the world of high finance, medicine too. He was taking an interest in her world, her passions and they were slowly building a solid father-daughter relationship. She knew that John and Stefano would never have that because too much pain, anger, and violence had passed between them to ever allow for more than civil behavior. She felt bad about it, but ultimately realized there was nothing she could do. In truth, she would be happy if they were no longer at each other’s throats. That would be progress.
As she arrived at the waterfront and started down the stairs hoping to find her brother, she wondered if she would always play the go between, trying to narrow the seemingly unbridgeable chasm that separated the two men. ‘John is my brother… it’s so amazing,’ she was thinking as her eyes spotted him at the far end of the pier. He was standing and staring out at the river as he often did, with one foot perched on a crate, the other planted firmly on the ground. As she approached, she sensed his anguish and anger, “Hi John….” was all she said.
“Hey Lex… how are…” he stopped, the change in their relationship suddenly sinking into his heart. She knew… he could see that much in her dark eyes, “How are you.. Sis?” he said, rather flippantly, immediately regretting his tone when he saw her face. He’d hurt her. “Sorry,” he muttered, thankful for her forgiving nature.
Deflecting any pain his attitude might have stimulated, she said, “I’m fine, John, but I’m concerned about you. How are you doing with it?”
“What… with the idea that I have a sister, or with the fact that the sadistic bastard who kidnapped and brainwashed me, stole my life, who kept me away from the woman I loved, more times than I can count… happens to be my biological father?”
“John…” she started, not really knowing what to say to him. Her perspective had been changing. Stefano hadn’t hurt her in the same way, Marlena was definitely right about that part of it. John might never see him as anything but the perpetrator of those vicious crimes against his person, not to mention what the man had done to those for whom John cared.
He turned to face her saying angrily, “What, Lexie… are you going to stand there and tell me that he’s not like that anymore, that he’s changing, that I should give him a chance? Well, if that’s why you came down here, don’t waste your breath because I’ll never believe that he can change. It’s NEVER going to happen! I HATE that bastard and I always will, father or not!”
She was calm in contrast to John’s anger, saying, “No… that wasn’t the reason. I just came to… see how you were doing, to give you a chance to talk to the only person who can really understand how you’re feeling right now.”
He nodded, recognizing that she was correct in that assumption. Sighing tiredly, he said in more controlled fashion, “Yea… I suppose you are the only one…” He paused for a moment and then, figuring it couldn’t hurt to ask, said, “So, how did you deal with it?”
“Well, at first I was overwhelmed, like you are. I felt confused, and angry and scared. I thought that his evil had touched me, tarnished me in some way. I was afraid that I would become like him, that I would hurt all the people I loved. I even considered leaving Abe, for his own good, thinking that eventually my tainted blood would make itself evident and I would end up causing him more pain if I stayed than if I left him.”
John was nodding his head, listening intently to every word she spoke, but he didn’t say anything at first. “John… how are *you* feeling right now?” she asked with genuine concern, after waiting for a second or two.
He was quiet for moment longer, still gazing out over the calming waters, and then finally he responded, “Well… that about sums it up. I’m worried about hurting Marlena and the kids. I don’t want them to be touched by his evil and I’m afraid that even if I don’t hurt them, he won’t leave us alone, and they’ll be hurt because of his presence in their environment. I don’t want him around them, not ever Lexie… I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear that, but I will NEVER treat him like he’s anything but the man who has caused me an *unbelievable* amount of pain, and hurt almost everyone I ever cared about.”
In spite of his description of the man, in spite of his history, Lexie had seen a different side of her father, and she tried to impart her newfound attitude to her brother, “John… you don’t know him the way I do, he’s been.. kind and caring. He takes an interest in my work… he teaches me about the arts and music, so many things, John… Maybe you should spend some time with him, get to know him in a different way.”
“Ha… right,” John scoffed at the suggestion, and then spoke very directly with strong emotion, “That’s all well and good… for you, but I don’t want to spend time around him, Lexie. I don’t need to *get to know* him. I learned everything I ever needed to know about him while he held me in chains and hung me from the ceiling, then beat me and pumped me full of mind altering chemicals so he could steal the few memories I had to call my own!” Shaking his head vehemently, he said, “No, no thanks, Lexie… I know him already… and he’s the same twisted, evil bastard who did that to me, the same deluded monster who locked Marlena in a GOD DAMNED CAGE!” The anger had turned to rage and he struggled to contain it, the injustice of learning that man was his father, returning in the instant he’d spoken of his captivity at Maison Blanche. It was horrifying to contemplate how he could have been created from such inhuman malevolence. His breathing was harsh and labored, his emotions barely under control, and he began to pace to alleviate the tension.
Lexie was watching him, concerned about the anger she saw flare so swiftly. “John… that was a long time ago… maybe he really is changing… it is possible.”
With a sardonic smile he turned away from the water, toward her and said, “You go on…live in your dream world, but don’t be too disappointed if you start to see his true colors sometime when you disagree about something that’s important.” Taking a step toward the stairs, he tried to end the conversation there, “Look, I gotta go, Lexie… Marlena’s probably getting worried about me by now. I need to get on home and spend time with my family… my *real* family!”
It hurt to hear him make that cutting remark and she confronted him about the meaning of it for their sibling relationship, “John… what does that say about you and me?”
Looking right at her, he answered truthfully, “That won’t change… you’re the wife of my best friend… that’s still the same. I care about you a lot, Lexie and I’ll be watching out for you, but I don’t want a relationship with him, not now and not ever, so don’t even bother trying to make it happen. Are we clear on that?” he asked, staring into her eyes to glean her true perspective.
She nodded, and replied honestly as well, wishing it could be different, “Yes… we’re clear, John… and for what it’s worth… I’m sorry this hurts you so much, but I’m glad to have you for my brother. I couldn’t have picked a better man to play the part. I care very much for you… and I’ll talk to Stefano about staying away from Belle and Brady.”
Sorry he’d upset her, he spoke with gentleness, “I’m glad to have you too.. Lexie, I don’t mean to make you feel bad about that part of it… it’s just that this is such a bitter pill to swallow. It’s still so… unreal to me, and the fact is.. I still hate him and I always will. No matter what he does from now on, my opinion about him will never change.”
A question suddenly popped back into her head, and she asked, “John… what about Evan, he’s..”
He nodded, recognizing where she was headed by bringing it up. “Evan…. he’s not my biological son, he’s my brother… our baby brother… but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let Dimera have any influence in his life. I love that little boy, Lexie.. as if he were my very own… and he’s got my name now. He’s Evan Black… and that’s the way it’s gonna stay,” John answered with heartfelt conviction.
Lexie wanted to make her brother accept the reality he faced, though she knew he recognized the truth as well as she did, as well as the other man did. “John… Stefano is his father.. he’s not just going to walk away… you know that. He’s going to do everything in his power to be a part of Evan’s life… and if you fight it and try to keep him from having contact, there’s going to be a lot of trouble, for you… and for the children, for everyone you love.”
Squaring his shoulders, he addressed that challenge, nodding as he said, “I do know that… but I won’t let it stop me. I adopted the baby after Susan was… killed, because I thought he was mine once, and it was what she wanted. And now.. Evan has become *my* son. Stefano lost all claim on that child when he used a newborn baby as part of Kristen’s lies and schemes to hold onto me. He has to live with the consequences of those lies. I have no sympathy for him, Lexie, and if he tries anything… anything at all, he’s going down for it. You already know what I think about Susan’s death, and someday, Abe, Bo and I are going to prove it, Lexie. He killed her thinking he would get the baby, only he didn’t count on her being smart enough to choose a guardian and have the papers drawn up. He under estimated her intelligence and he lost Evan because of it. That was his mistake and my good fortune.”
She sighed wearily, lamenting the hostility she had seen in both men toward each other, “Oh… John… you’re so angry…and suspicious of his every move. I hope you learn to get past that someday… it’s only hurting you.”
John shook his head and argued with her, realizing it was one of many such heated discussions they would have regarding one Stefano Dimera, “No, that’s where you’re wrong, Lexie, it’s protecting me and all the people I love. Watch yourself, he’ll try to pull you into his world if he can. Now, I really have to get going… I’ll see you later.”
“Goodbye, John… call me if you want to talk about this some more.”
“Yea… I will. I’m sorry if I upset you, Lexie… but I have no more illusions. They were shattered last night. Dimera is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow and finding out that he’s my biological father hasn’t changed how I feel about him.”
All she could do was sigh and nod her head as she watched him turn to leave. So, that was it. She had a brother who would just as soon not ever acknowledge his blood ties with her. He loathed their common parent, and there was nothing she could do to convince him otherwise. Her efforts would have to concentrate on Stefano instead. Perhaps, if he changed the way he treated John, then her brother would respond to that difference. Deciding it was worth a try, she headed off to find her father, wondering whether he had found out about it and how he was reacting, curious whether or not he had actually gone out of the country as Abe suspected. She was betting that if he did know the truth, he wasn’t any happier to hear the news than John had been
Searching for Peace of Mind
Abe didn’t know what else to say to his friend to reassure her that her husband of exactly one year was going to be alright. John was nowhere to be found and he hadn’t called since Lexie phoned to tell them about her conversation with him. That had been two hours ago and Marlena was more than worried, swiftly moving toward a frantic state of mind. “Where could he be, Abe? I’m really concerned about him.”
Hoping to God he was correct in his assumption that Stefano had actually gone out of the country as Bart told them at the mansion, he said with a sigh, “Oh, Marlena…. I don’t know… he’s probably just blowing off steam somewhere. This has to be an incredible shock for him. I understand your concern, but I’m sure he’ll be just fine,” he finished, trying to convince himself as much as Marlena. Abe was thinking of all the times John had gone off half cocked; every time it was because of something Stefano had done. He prayed John hadn’t found the man yet.
Marlena was shaking her head, thinking back to her two conversations with her husband about the situation. On the pier, he had been beside himself with the fear of losing her if he told her the truth, and then he’d been so upset about learning that the man who’d caused so much pain could actually be the one who gave him life. And then later, he clearly became angry, so very angry, wondering if Stefano knew the truth while he held John hostage, then tortured and brainwashed him. “Oh, Abe… I wish… I could believe that. The truth is… I’m afraid he’s going to go after Stefano. I’m afraid he might try to….” She couldn’t say it, but the image of John strangling the man came to mind immediately.
“Kill him?” Abe asked, hating to have to voice it, but having wondered and worried about the same thing several times since the moment John told him what he’d learned.
“Yes…. Abe,” she admitted, frightened of the outcome. “Do you think John could just… murder him that way… just go over there and….”
Abe sighed and then jumped in when she paused, obviously overcome by emotion, “Oh, Marlena… I really don’t know…. I’d like to tell you I think that your fear is unfounded. I’d like to say that John has more control than that, but…”
“But, you can’t, Abe… because we both know how much John hates Stefano… how he still resents the fact that the monster who has done so much evil was given a pardon, even though John was in on that decision. And, we both know that he still believes Stefano killed Susan to get the baby and that he’s been trying to find a legal way of making Stefano pay for his crimes, but we also know that even John has his breaking point, Abe….”
“And you think this is it,” Abe said as another worried sigh escaped, knowing what her response would be, wishing he had a different one.
“Don’t you?” she asked, willing him to tell her otherwise, her eyes pleading for some other reality in which there was no Stefano Dimera to ruin their lives. But then again, no… because if that man didn’t exist, neither would there be a man named John Black for her to love. What a cruel sort of irony it was.
Abe was quiet for a moment, staring out the window toward the peaceful lake on the golf course nearby, wishing they could all somehow absorb the serenity of this picturesque setting in the woods. Finally, he turned away from the window and responded, still uncertain, “I don’t know… I guess.. especially if he thought Stefano knew it all along, then yes… I would say that learning Stefano is his father could drive him over the edge.” It was so odd to admit that openly, although it was something he had speculated about on several occasions in the past.
Marlena felt the rush of panic. “We have to *do* something, Abe! I couldn’t bear to lose John…. We have to find a way to stop him, some way to help him deal with this terrible shock.”
They whirled instantly in response to the sound of the door slamming, quickly followed by the words of the man they were discussing. “Make it all be a lie… make it just be one more false lead!” said a loud and angry but at the same time distraught voice behind them. “That’s the only way… but that’s not going to happen. You’re right, Abe… if he knew…. Hell, even if he didn’t…I’m gonna take him down!” John didn’t say anything else; he didn’t have to.
In a few seconds, he was gone, racing up the stairs to the master suite where he kept the only trace of his former life as a cop, his hand gun. The look in his eyes told them all they needed to know. He was in control of the rage for the moment, but he was absolutely serious. If he were to find out that Stefano knew John was his son, it would only be a matter of time; when given the opportunity, John would kill the man. Abe exchanged a worried glance with Marlena, and then turned away from her, heading toward the stairs, planning to intervene before it went too far.
“John! No, John! That’s not the way to deal with this!” Abe yelled, rushing up the stairs after his best friend. Marlena stood there in the middle of her kitchen, essentially paralyzed and dumbfounded. In front of the man charged with the responsibility to keep the citizens of Salem safe from harm, John had essentially stated his intention to murder someone. Admittedly, Stefano Dimera was a man no one would be sad to see dead. But still, to hear him say it so plainly, so coldly, in such a calm manner that it was terrifying for her.
When Abe reached the top of the stairs, he peered into the master bedroom to see what was happening, although he knew. John had already retrieved his gun from its locked box and was loading a clip into the semi-automatic pistol. Shoving several others into his right jacket pocket, he turned at the sound. “Don’t try to stop me, Abe. I’m going after him…and when I find him, this nightmare we’ve all been living in will finally be over.” He packed a few belongings into a duffle bag as he spoke, “Marlena and me and the kids… we’ll be able to live in peace.”
“John…. hey, buddy… come on, I know you’re upset… Anybody would be, but murdering someone?”
“Murder? No, try calling it an execution. You know like almost happened to me… twice! Once by way of the gas chamber, once by guillotine… both of them because of Stefano and his evil influence on people. An execution for all of his crimes against me, Marlena, Roman and the whole Brady family, not to mention killing Susan. Abe, he deserves to die and you know it!”
Abe knew he was going to play the bad guy in this scenario, but still, he was compelled to be the rational one. “John, I understand your anger. I really do, but he was legally pardoned for all of those other crimes, and so far there’s no proof of any connection to Susan after she left Salem. It was ruled an accidental death, John.”
John scoffed at that statement, “Yea…right… an accident! And that pardon.. that doesn’t absolve him of the guilt. That doesn’t give me my memories or my life back! That doesn’t eliminate the turmoil Marlena and all the Brady’s went through because of him. He has caused me SO much pain and ruined so many lives and now I find out I’m his son… How sick is that!!!” he yelled, as he completed his minimal packing, zipping the duffle and slinging it over his shoulder. The more John thought about it, the worse it got, the less control he had over the emotions stimulated by the memories of his suffering by that man’s hands. Shaking his head, more convinced than ever that it was the only way to go, he argued with his friend, the bitterness creeping out of his soul. “No, he’s gonna die, Abe, and I’m going to get the pleasure out of watching him beg for mercy… like he never gave me or anyone else that he hurt.”
Abe stood his ground in the doorway, stopping his best friend’s progress. “No, John… I’m not letting you do this! I care too much about you to let you go after him and then go to jail, or worse.. for the likes of him. “
“Get out of my way, Abe!” John warned, pulling the gun up slightly, in a mildly threatening manner.
That was quite a shock. “What… you’re going to shoot me… to get at him! I’m not moving, John. You’re going to have to go through me first.”
The angry frustration was increasing by the moment, “Don’t push me, Abe… we both know he deserves to die, I’m just doing the world a favor… I’m going over to Europe and I’m gonna find him. Now, get out of my way!” John warned again, and when his friend wouldn’t budge, he flat out threatened, ” I don’t want to hurt you, partner… but I’m going and nobody is gonna stop me from doing what I *have* to do!” His eyes were wild with rage, though he was somehow able to keep it under tight reign until he found the object of his bitter ire.
Putting his hand on his friend’s upper arm, Abe tried to reason with his buddy, “John… this is not the way…. I want you to think about what you’re doing. You’ll be risking everything that’s important to you… your life with Marlena and the children… your work.. everything, John… Is that what you really want?”
He couldn’t take even a second to listen to logic.. he had to act, now or never. “Stop it, Abe… I’m outta here, now!” he said, pulling out of his friend’s light grasp, beginning to push his way past.
“No, you’re NOT!” shouted an angry female voice that meant business. “You took wedding vows, John Black… one year ago this weekend, and you will NOT do this! I don’t care how angry you are, or how upset this makes you. Nothing is worth losing the people you love, NOTHING!”
“But, Marlena… you don’t.. understand.. what this does to me….” he protested through labored breaths, wishing she hadn’t come up the stairs. She was the one person on the planet who could stop him, though he could tell from her angry fearful tears that she didn’t know for certain, and he wasn’t about to make it plainly evident.
“No… I don’t.. because you’ve been shutting me out, John…. you disappeared before I even woke up this morning and were gone for several hours. After that, you spoke to me for about one minute on the phone, and then you were unavailable for several more hours. You saw him on the pier, then after thinking about your conversation, you obviously went to the mansion to find he wasn’t there. Next, you talked to Lexie, but in all that time, you didn’t come to me, you didn’t call me, John. If you want me to understand what you’re going through, you have to let me in, you have to confide in me. Don’t do this, John…. it won’t make the pain of what you’ve learned go away, honey,” she said, hoping to make him face that reality.
“No… well, it’ll make me feel a hell of a lot better knowing he can’t hurt anyone else, ever again. I hate him, Marlena… I HATE HIM!!” John could feel the tension rising again, the pain trying to reclaim its hold on his heart. He fought to maintain the rage. That emotion was empowering and infinitely more comfortable for a man like John Black.
Seeing the agitated anxiety in his body, she felt such empathy for his plight. Placing her hands on his whiskered cheeks for one moment, she spoke from her heart, “Oh… baby… he’s hurt you so much… and I know that you’re having a very difficult time handling this right now, but please…. for my sake, and the children.. don’t do something so foolish. Stay with me now, talk to me, John… I love you,” she said, as tears began to fall from her worried eyes.
Her tenderness and concern were so hard to resist. He wanted to fight it, to hold onto the anger, but her love was also a very powerful force. “Oh, Doc… I love you too…. I just… want it to end, Marlena… that’s all, I just want all of the pain to end, and not just for me… for everybody we love.” She was nodding, but didn’t say anything, sensing he had more to say. “I don’t want him to be my father… I could take it if it were anybody else but him. Of all the men in the world, why did it have to be Stefano Dimera? Why Doc!!” John asked forlornly, shaking his head and finding himself suddenly and unexpectedly on the verge of tears.
Seeing the moisture forming behind those distressed baby blues, she started to weep even harder as she answered his anxious plea, reaching for his hands, “Oh, I don’t know, honey… but I know that I love you… that hasn’t changed, John… and the children, and everyone else in our lives.. they feel the same way they always have about you. We can handle this, John… we can, but you have to let us inside to where it hurts. Killing him won’t change it, John… Stefano is your biological father… either way, honey.. you have to find a way to deal with that awful truth.”
Hanging his head, hiding the tears that wanted to drop from his now sad eyes, he nodded slightly, and then spoke very softly, “I know, Doc… I know.” She moved in to take him in her arms, willing him to absorb all the love she had to give him. He melted into her tender embrace, and felt the rage lessening in its intensity, its control over him falling off with each moment that passed while he was in the arms of the woman he loved. She sighed with relief as she felt almost every muscle in his body beginning to relax, the tension decreasing by the second. Finally, John sighed too, and it was a soft mournful sound, almost as if it were physically painful to let go of that empowering anger.
Abe stood quietly by, knowing that Marlena was the best person to talk to John about what he had planned. Her love was what had sustained him thus far and it was ultimately what would allow him to survive the emotional turmoil he was experiencing as a result of this recent strange turn of events. Marlena Evans was a phenomenal woman, whose unwavering love and support had already seen John through some of the worst times of his life, and God willing, she would continue to do so for decades to come
A Family in Transition
Shawn and Caroline Brady were sitting at the bar in the Brady Pub, thinking back only one night in time to the wonderful one year anniversary party they’d had for John and Marlena. It was such a happy occasion, a time of family togetherness, and now only a day later, Shawn was telling the family the impossible, that John had just learned he was the natural born son of the man who had tried to ruin all their lives. John Black, the son of his only real enemy, Stefano Dimera. Who would ever have believed that was possible. How could fate be so cruel? they were all asking in various ways, as Shawn Brady explained what John had revealed to him earlier that morning.
Also present were Bo and Hope, Roman, Kim, Carrie, Sami and Eric. Shawn had called a family meeting because he wanted to make sure that they presented a united front. And he wanted to gauge the others’ reaction to the news in person, especially Roman and the twins, the ones who might find a way to twist the truth and use it to hurt the man Shawn and Caroline still loved as a son.
“No, Pop… this just can’t be true… John..the son of Stefano Dimera… No, I can’t believe that it’s true!” said Bo strongly, shaking his head in disbelief.
His older brother replied in kind, “Yea… come on… that seems almost impossible…. but… if it is true… then who is his mother? Did he say?” asked Roman, a puzzled expression appearing on his face as that question immediately came to mind.
“Well, he thinks it’s Rachel Blake… ” said his father, thinking back to the look on John’s face as they talked about it.
“Yes… that’s right…. all the research we’ve done indicates that she’s the one,” said Shane Donovan, as he walked up to the bar, having heard about the meeting, wanting to shed a little light on the situation if he could. It was the least he could do to help them cope with the shock of it.
Kim looked at him, wondering about their chances and then silently berated herself for thinking of that when John was hurting so badly. Then, she began to share her conclusion… “But, if that’s true, then it means that… “
Bo started to say it too and then stopped, horrified on behalf of his unofficial adoptive brother… “Oh my God… Kristen is….”
Imagining how it must feel to know that he’d had fallen for, had sex with and almost marry his sister, Hope was the one who was brave enough to fully address it, “His sister… Oh… poor John… he must be just sick about this…” she stated, feeling terrible for the man she now considered a very close friend, their bond strengthened in recent years.
Shane couldn’t help but wince at that one, the memories of John’s violent reaction to the news were there in vivid detail. “Yes… he is… he’s having a very rough time with the whole situation. I’m surprised he told you about it so soon. Last night he was… distraught when the reality began to set in.”
Feeling a little guilty for breaking a confidence, Shawn Brady explained the circumstances under which he learned the truth, “Well.. he didn’t tell all of us. I ran into him on the pier early this morning. He was hurtin’ something powerful, Shane… and I… pushed him to tell me what was upsettin’ him. John didn’t want to say anything because he thought we all might feel differently about him once we found out about Stefano being his father. I told him he was wrong… that we’d always love him as a member of our family. It seemed to help him some. Anyway, that’s why I called this meeting, so that everybody could have a chance to talk about this and then be there to support the lad during the rough days ahead.”
Shane gave his opinion on the matter, knowing John as he did, how he hesitated to tell even his wife about what he’d discovered. “I think that sounds like a very good idea… John seems to think you’ll all reject him because of this. I tried to tell him that wasn’t true, but he couldn’t hear me.”
Caroline, who had been noticeably quiet, thinking about the man she loved as a son, imaging how upset he must be to learn that the man who’d caused him such agony could turn out to be his father, finally spoke firmly of what they needed to do. “Well, we just have to show him he’s wrong… and convince him that we’re going to be there for him, just like always.” Heads were nodding all around. Now, if they could just think of a way to do that….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marlena was so relieved when her husband of a year and a day seemed to be calming down, prepared to deal with what it meant that he was the son of a man he hated with all his might. They stood in the middle of the bedroom, Abe having exited when the couple seemed to have matters well in hand.
Realizing that there were gaps in his memories, John decided he needed to have some hypnosis sessions. He had to know for certain that it was true and he wondered if there might be something there that would help. It had been awhile since he’d even tried that method, since it hadn’t accomplished much in the past. “Marlena…. I need to know the truth… I need to know about my… parents.. could you… put me under hypnosis?”
“Oh, John…. I don’t know…” she said, worried he would only become more upset if she agreed and he recalled something that was equally unsettling.
“Doc… I have to understand this… to know if it’s really true… please,” he pleaded. “Marlena… if it were your life… wouldn’t you want to know?”
She sighed, feeling resigned to it and answered honestly… “Yes… I guess I would…..Allright, John… I’ll do it..”
“Thank you, Marlena… I appreciate it. When can we start?” he asked, wanting to get it over, hoping he’d recover some memory that would refute the evidence Shane had uncovered. Almost anything was possible where Dimera was concerned.
“Not today…. you’ve just had quite a shock and I want you to settle with it a little bit before we pursue this any further… allright?”
Trying to persuade her otherwise, he argued, “Doc… I told you… I’m fine now…”
“No, John…. I’m sorry… I want you to wait a day or so before taking this on…. that’s my best professional judgement.”
Sighing with exasperation, but believing he had no other choice, he acquiesced, “Alright…. I’ll wait… but only one day… I know that Dimera’s out there somewhere… researching my past… I want to remember something that will spark my memories, Doc… I want to beat him to the punch…. just this once… I’d like to have the upper hand on that… bastard!”
She sighed in commiseration… and could almost feel his pain and wished with all her might that she could change the facts of the matter, “I know… honey.. I understand that… I just don’t want you to push yourself too hard… I know that the idea of being his son is… tearing you apart… I’m so sorry, honey.”
John shut his eyes and sighed again, saying sadly, “Yea… it’s still so hard to believe it… so damn ironic… the sick bastard who’s tried to kill me… and who has done so much damage to so many people I love… is the person who gave me life. I still can’t really believe it’s true,” he finished, blowing out a long breath and looking at her, still searching for any trace of regret. Thankfully, he saw only the love she was giving so freely and for a fleeting moment, he felt at peace about the whole ordeal. Marlena was a treasure and he was so blessed to have found her.
Wrapping her arms around him, holding him close, she sighed again, feeling such strange ambivalence, “I know… and as much as I hate him… if it is true… I’m grateful… because without him… you wouldn’t be here for me to love… and I do love you… very, very much.” She was holding his face between her soft and gentle hands and then she gazed tenderly into his wondering eyes. “Please… no matter what happens, John… don’t forget that all the people who really love you, won’t be hurt by this, and that it won’t change anything about the way they all feel toward you.”
Again, he sighed…. this time with the serenity that came from beginning to acknowledge that she was right. The people who truly mattered in his life would all continue to love and support him, in spite of this most shocking revelation about his parentage. There was some comfort in that realization… “Have I told you lately… how incredible you really are… and how very much I need you in my life, pretty lady?” he asked as he traced the line of her jaw with his right forefinger.
She smiled happily, glad for the change in his countenance, “Oh… I think you might have mentioned that a time or two… last night… when you were making love to me… on our anniversary.”
“Ah… yea.. it’s all coming back to me now… Our anniversary,” he said softly… as he took her in a warm embrace and spoke with thanksgiving, “Now *that* is one very bright spot in an otherwise dark and dreary day..” He paused to look her right in those shining hazel eyes, absorbing her love and broadcasting the love he was feeling in return. Then after a fashion, he caressed her cheeks and stroked her silky hair, as he continued, “You’ve made me very happy, Doc… I love you so much… I’m so glad we found our way back to each other.. and I can’t even begin to explain how it feels inside to be sharing my life with you, after we were apart for so long.”
“I feel the same way about you, John… and our love is strong enough to handle this too… Didn’t we always say we could survive anything, as long as we faced it together?”
“Yes… we did…and you’re right, Doc… we can…. including this… but I have to find out if he’s known it all along.”
“So you can do exactly what, John… Will it change anything? Will it make this any easier for you?”
No sense in denying it, “No… but…”
She cut him off to express her concerns about what might ultimately happen to him if he forced the issue with the man who had caused them to suffer so. “Then why, John…. so you can go and confront him.. so you can… what?”
There was a look in her eye that told him their discussion was far from over………
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shawn was remembering John’s expression… and then replied to the group, seeing as how he was the only one who had run into the man, other than Shane, since he found out about his true parentage. “I think we can find a way to make him believe this doesn’t change how we feel about him… but…I’m worried about him… He’s devastated by this terrible news… and so angry… I wouldn’t be surprised if he went to see Stefano and tried to…”
“Kill him?” said a questioning voice that came from the doorway. It was those two words that had launched him and his wife into another heated discussion, one that ended badly, just moments earlier and he’d gone to the Pub seeking wisdom from the men who considered him to be a son and a brother. They all turned around, surprised to see the object of their conversation stepping over the threshold of the door.
Bo was the one who jumped in to try and explain, “John….. hey… we uh.. we were just…”
Waving his concern off, John acted as though it were no big issue, “Yea… I know…it’s quite a shock huh? I’m a Dimera… isn’t that just about the funniest damn thing you ever heard?” he said with an awkward chuckle as he approached the gathering, trying to make light of it to ease the nearly all encompassing feeling of tension in the room, as all eyes were cast upon him. From the expressions on their faces, it was clear they were waiting for him to fall apart or become enraged, so he acted as if it didn’t bother him at all, projecting a false sense of casual indifference to the whole thing as he sat down on an empty barstool.
“John…. please don’t think we were… ” Caroline started to say to ease his concerns about their conversation, seeing that he was covering his true feelings for their benefit.
“Hey… it’s okay… I’m alright…. I’ll admit.. it was quite a shock.. but nothing’s changed, right? I’m still the same guy I was yesterday. Come on everybody…don’t look so worried… I’m fine… really. So… how about a beer, Pop?” John asked pleasantly, shrugging off their worry, acting as unaffected by the situation as he could feign, all the while knowing he wasn’t fooling any of the people who loved him.
They all knew better than that, but this wasn’t the time nor the place to confront the issue. Whether he was in denial or not, John needed for them to just agree with him at the moment, so that was what they did, after silently communicating with each other. ‘We better keep a close eye on him….. he’s hurting and angry… and there’s no telling what he might do the next time he sees Stefano.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stefano Dimera sat in the fanciest, most expensive suite in all of Paris, reviewing documents obtained by his highest paid detectives. The evidence was seemingly all there in black and white. By all appearances, John Black was his biological child. There was however, still some conflicting evidence to indicate that John was indeed the son of Leopold Alamain. The birth records were mysterious where that family was concerned as well. The birth certificate appeared to be authentic, but there could have been a Forrest Alamain; it just wasn’t his John Black, as everyone had been led to believe through previous DNA testing. Dimera pondered who would have wanted to keep him being an Alamain and who might have a reason to make them think Black was actually a Dimera by descent. He was at a loss for who might have wanted to tamper with the results in either situation, not that he didn’t have his enemies. In truth, they were too numerous to count.
He kept on reading…
Supposedly Rachel had become pregnant during their affair, something he had no knowledge of, because it had been a very tense period when Stefano tried to force her to leave her husband for him. She hadn’t told him her suspicions about the pregnancy. From all indications, by the time the infant was born, she had become somewhat mentally unbalanced for a time and the baby was adopted out. When Stefano returned several years later she had two young children, Peter and Kristen, both of whom had fair skin and light hair, obviously fathered by Blake. Since Rachel had come from wealth at one time, the adoption would have been handled privately and the child given to a family of some wealth and privilege, hence the confusion with the Alamain name. Was there some connection he didn’t know about, some family member who made it happen, agreeing to make it appear as though John was an Alamain by birth rather than adoption?
“No… it doesn’t add up… something just doesn’t fit… Rachel cannot be his mother… no, I would believe I might be the father of a child borne by the Alamain woman, though he knew of no such child, but not Rachel. The timing is off. He opened up his lap top computer and began making some calculations to see how it was possible. Could she have given birth in between the time he left Aremid for a cool down period, many years before the “accident” he’d arranged for Rachel’s husband, and the time he came back to convince her they belonged together. Was it possible that she told her husband about the affair and then had the baby and somehow found a home for him so that Stefano would never know about his child. Not wanting it to be true, Stefano denied the whole scenario. If it were true that John was his biological son, it would be easier to take if he didn’t have to also swallow the idea that John was Kristen’s sibling, that made him ill. ‘No.. it cannot be.. there must be something else…’
The most significant item of proof was the DNA analysis… which proved with virtually no doubt that he and John were genetically matched. Stefano reviewed it at least a dozen times. There was no way around the facts as they were presented. They were father and son. The only question remaining was to determine, which of the women with whom Stefano had an affair within the general time frame in which John was born, was the one who had carried yet another of his unknown offspring, time having produced a man he had come to loathe. John Black, a man who had thwarted his plans for as long as Stefano could remember. Even he could appreciate that bitter irony.
Stefano sought to make a list…there were possibly half dozen women who could have been the one… Dimera thought he knew all there was to know about each of them but, each one had some period of time he could not account for in their lives which roughly coincided with the period of a year or two when John might have been conceived. Given the possibility that the Forrest Alamain birth date was incorrect for him, there was no way of knowing exactly when John was born. Therefore, making a guess about his age, John’s mother could have been any of the women with whom Stefano was intimate during a two or three year period during which he was residing in Europe. It could have been… Rachel Blake, Philomena Alamain, Vivian Alamain, sister to Philomena’s husband Leopold, Kate Roberts, and a friend or two of Lily Faversham’s.
And, there were definite gaps in John’s life. It was difficult to determine exactly where he had been raised and by whom in those early years. John’s memories told him that he was Forrest Alamain and that he had a brother by the name of Lawrence, that he’d almost drowned at about age six… then he had no memories until he was boarding school aged. Why the gap? Where was the boy during those intervening years? Hard as he tried, Stefano could find no information about where John lived during that several year period of time, in the year or so prior to their meeting, nor any hard evidence to corroborate the story that he was an Alamain by birth, other than the certificate itself.
When he was finished reviewing the files, Stefano was no closer to finding the data he sought than when he’d started. “Dammit!” The information had to be out there somewhere and he was determined to find it, before John came looking for him again, as he would be compelled to do.
His adversary wanted to learn whether Stefano knew about it all along, of that he was certain. It wasn’t the case, but John didn’t have to know that. It was always so delightful to watch the man burn with anger and helpless frustration. Suddenly, it occurred to Stefano, once again, that it was somehow wrong to take such pleasure from the other man’s distress. Avowed enemy or not, John was his son. Stefano let out a long tired sigh as he looked at a picture he’d found of a dark haired boy at a very tender age, presumably one of John… ‘Could it be… that you are flesh of my flesh?’ Even in his distorted mindset, Stefano Dimera had a sense that it should make some difference. ‘I simply must know the truth!’
Other Possibilities?
A day or so later, John was sitting in Abe Carver’s office not talking about what they both knew was still upsetting him greatly. He kept going over and over it in his mind. A Dimera…. it made him absolutely sick to think of it…and he found he couldn’t think of much else, his mind going back to it time and time again, even when he was doing his level best to forget about it. The memories of all the sick acts perpetrated by that family were running through his mind like a movie projector displaying a continuously running film, and he kept asking the same questions countless times. How was it possible that he could bear that name? What did it mean in terms of who he was as a person? Was there some hidden dark side to go along with those deeply buried memories from his past? Is that why he could be trained as a fighting, killing machine as Stefano always claimed? Was that even true? He had a few memories of the rigorous training, but not the killing part… Where did all of that fit in? Would he someday turn out to be like his father? His discomfited contemplation was interrupted by the sound of his best friend’s voice, which made John jump.
“Sorry about that buddy.. I didn’t mean to startle you… but I’ve been thinking about something. What if… you’re not really his son? What if he’s your… older brother?”
“My brother? Why would you think that?” John asked, sitting up and refocusing his attention, thinking that would preferable somehow, but not really knowing why.
“I don’t know… it’s just something I’ve been mulling over. You have to admit, it fits, sort of… in a lot of ways it makes more sense to me and it seems to work, at least in terms of the genetic similarities, and then there’s the reason for your not knowing. What if Stefano were the person they were trying to protect you from all along?”
“You mean my parents… the Alamains?” Thinking about it, John realized it could be true. “So, you’re saying.. maybe my mother had an affair with Stefano’s father somewhere along the line.. before she married Leopold?” He shuddered, having never given two second’s thought to who Stefano’s parents were or what they were like. “Maybe she gave the baby up and he was raised by his father’s family. And then… when my parents saw what Lawrence and Stefano were like… decided that what was best for me was to be thousands of miles away from both my brothers. Hmm…”
“Well… it’s possible… and it makes some sense… don’t you think?”
“I guess so… but who would have wanted to alter the DNA results?”
He didn’t have that answer. “I don’t know, John, but if it’s true.. that would explain the first set of results that indicated you were Lawrence’s brother.”
“Or… I could still be Dimera’s son. It works either way, Abe, especially if you think the lab results were tampered with.. I think maybe my mother had an affair with him when he was just starting out. He probably used and manipulated her and she lied about who my father was. Then, after she found out what he was really like…. she told Leopold and they decided to make sure Stefano never figured out that I was his son…. or maybe…” John stopped in the middle of his pondering, feeling more frustrated the more he thought about it. As Rachel came to mind… and the fact that she was calling him Johnny… he expressed his exasperation, “Ah Hell, I can’t just sit around here wondering… I gotta know, Abe! I have to find out about everything that Dimera knows… I’m gonna go read the files Shane gave me again…” he said, practically leaping to his feet in a way reminiscent of the old days as Roman.
With a knowing smile, Abe questioned him, “John, you’ve reviewed them at least a dozen times by now, haven’t you?”
John chuckled lightly at the fact that his friend knew him so well and said, “Yea… but I was pretty… wrecked by the news, maybe I missed something because of it.”
Conceding the point, Abe nodded and stood up as John had…”Maybe… Do you want some company buddy?”
Realizing where the comment was coming from, John took note and gave some reassurance, patting his friend’s arm briefly as he spoke, “Nah… it’s alright, but thanks for the offer. I’ll keep you posted… and don’t worry…. I’m not going to go after Dimera…‘at least not yet, he was thinking, ‘but if I find out he knew about this all along..’ Refocusing his attention, John added, “I’ve.. settled down a little since the other day.”
Putting a comforting hand to his buddy’s left shoulder, Abe sighed with relief and said, “Good… because you had me worried there for awhile.”
He smiled and laughed a little as he nodded and said, “I know… I had *me* worried for awhile… but it’s all right, I’m learning to… live with the idea… and I have to give the credit to Marlena, as usual. She’s really keeping me sane through this thing partner, I don’t know what I’d ever do without her.”
Abe had often wondered that same thing, and joked about one of his conclusions, “You’d probably be bumming the streets..”
Nodding, John added to it, “Or… doing jail time for trying to kill Dimera a dozen times over by now. She’s one amazing lady.”
“Yes she is, partner… yes she is.”
Glad to have such a good friend to talk things over with, John decided it was time to take his leave and let Commander Carver get back to work, “Well, I gotta go now… I’ll see you later.”
“Alright… but call and let me know what you’re figuring out, would you? I have to admit to being curious.” With a quick nod of the head, John was off and running. The truth was… as much as it upset him… John was curious too. ‘No, more like ‘compelled’ to learn the truth about his parentage and consequently his identity, once and for all,’ he was thinking as he neared the Jeep.
After putting the key in the lock, John noticed the envelope under the windshield wiper. Thinking it was just another advertisement, he almost pitched it, when he happened to look at how it was addressed. “To the bastard son of Stefano Dimera.” That was a phrase he’d uttered himself, a phrase that nonetheless cut into the very fabric of his self concept. John sighed and opened the note reluctantly, knowing he had to do so, and at the same time wishing he could wake up from this living nightmare that had been plaguing him since the night of his first anniversary. It was a time when he and Marlena should be able to bask in their love, to enjoy having finally made it past the painful times to a period of peace and serenity. With an exhausted sigh, he broke the seal on the note, climbed inside his vehicle and read its contents, knowing full well he could be starting down a road upon which he would later regret traveling.
How does it feel to know you have
Dimera blood flowing in your veins
It’s eating you up inside, isn’t it?
You wonder if he knew all along
And, you want to kill him, don’t you?
I can make that happen and no one
will ever know you were involved
I have the answers you’re looking for
Meet me…. Pier 29… midnight
Come alone….
Looking around to see if there were any sign of whoever left the note, John quickly became cognizant of the fact that person was long gone. Stuffing the note into the back pocket of his jeans, John climbed in the Jeep and headed for home, thinking about it. Who else knew? Who hated Dimera as much as John did. Dimera had undoubtedly made scores of enemies, but who could know what Shane had so recently learned?
Lawrence Alamain sat on the classically styled leather chair behind the large mahogany desk in his office, reviewing the files which had just been delivered by his top European detective team. It was the John Black file… John Black… his brother. Even after all this time, it still stuck in his craw and made the bile rise from his gut. Was it possible that was all a lie? Could the man be yet another bastard child of Stefano Dimera instead?
He wondered where the connection was between the families and how the mix-up might have occurred. The only part of it that was disturbing was the thought of his mother having an affair with Dimera, and her son prayed that wasn’t true. Maybe the results had been falsified and they were never brothers at all. Wouldn’t that be poetic justice? Lawrence could go to the US and strip John of most all of his holdings, leaving him with only the Toscano Foundation. He imagined the moment in which he took it all back, gloating in the man’s face, making sure John knew how his brother would do business, almost immediately overturning all those hard fought battles to enlighten shareholders and encourage environmentally sound practices. Lawrence took a deep breath and memorized that vision of victory for the true Alamain family. It would be grand and glorious. He could hardly wait for that moment of ultimate conquest to arrive. Closing up the files, he was ready for the confrontation that would soon follow.
Punching the intercom button, Lawrence spoke commandingly to his right hand man, “Thompson… call ahead to the airfield and have them get one of the Jets ready… we’re going to the states….” When his aide was on his way to accomplish that task, Lawrence pulled out a recent magazine article he’d been meaning to skim, scoffing at the title. He read it out loud, “John Black…. 1998 Entrepreneur of the Year. HA… Oh, is this going to be good… Forrest Alamain is actually a Dimera. Oh, isn’t this just perfect… Ha Ha HA!” It was well beyond ironic. Well, dear *brother,* it looks like your party is over now. I certainly hope you had fun while it lasted. You’re going to be next to penniless by the time I’m through with you.”
So caught up in his evil glee, he didn’t hear the other person come into the room. “Alright, Lawrence… what are you up to this time?” asked the woman he loved beyond all others.
“Oh… Carly,” he said nearly jumping out of his chair, completely startled. “How long have you been…” he started to ask, hoping she hadn’t heard it all. He had her believing that his days of scheming deception and manipulation were over ever since the day she agreed to go back to Europe with him. And, it was mostly true, mostly.
All she said was, “Long enough…” He gulped and winced at her searing expression. He had some major explaining to do.
Questions Beget More Questions
Commander Abraham Carver sat at his desk staring directly into a mountain of vanilla file folders, chock full of information on a large number of the open cases in his department and quite of few of the closed out ones as well. It was time for quarterly reviews, but his heart just wasn’t in it. His best friend was going through something really rough and Abe’s mind kept pondering the question of ‘why?’ Why would someone want to make them all believe that John was a member of the Alamain family dynasty? In John’s eyes, that reality was only somewhat easier to handle than learning he was actually carrying the name Dimera. The Alamain’s however, had not kidnapped, tortured and brainwashed him, twice!
Abe was worried about the constant undercurrent of tension emanating from the heart of his best friend. No matter that John said he was learning to accept it and cope with the impact of it on his sense of identity because of Marlena’s love and support, Abe knew better. He could see the pain and definitely the anger in John’s slightly hidden eyes sometimes. If put in the proper situation, Abe believed his buddy might possibly snap and vent his fury by attempting to take Stefano’s life.
John Black was like a wild raging thunderstorm when he focused his anger on Stefano Dimera, and under the present circumstances there was no telling what the damage might be when that storm descended upon the Dimera Mansion, after Stefano returned from wherever he’d gone. All Abe Carver knew was that he couldn’t let John go it alone… because if adequately provoked by the monster who’d caused him and his family so much pain… Abe wasn’t altogether sure that John wouldn’t kill Stefano…or. at the very least try to kill the bastard but be unsuccessful after coming to his senses, thereby landing himself in jail for attempted murder.
Suddenly, it hit him; maybe that was what it was all about from the very beginning. Maybe Dimera *wanted* John to try to kill him. Maybe Stefano wanted John to believe his biological father was the man who had made him suffer, the man he loathed, just so he would become enraged, thinking his tormentor knew all along of John’s true parentage. It made sense in Dimera’s twisted manner of thinking, and Abe was worried for John. If it were an elaborate setup, it was almost foolproof. It meant that all was as they originally suspected in regard to the ‘model citizen’ act the man was playing ever since his return from the jungle trip well over a year and a half ago. It meant that Stefano hadn’t ever given up on Marlena or his child, now called Evan Black. Rather, he was biding his time, waiting to drop the bomb when John was just beginning to let his guard down a little, hoping to provoke his mortal enemy to violence.
As it all started to come together in Abe’s mind, he spoke out loud of his conjecture, “Oh.. John… that has to be it! That son of a bitch! He’s been setting you up for this… it’s his way of taking revenge on you.” As Abe started to climb out of his chair, his mind asked the question that begged. ‘Was any of it true?’ Was Stefano really John’s biological father or was it all part of some grand design by that man, or better yet, what if it were some other entity, some other enemy of John’s or even Dimera’s, a move meant to distract the both of them. The plot thickened with each passing day, as new questions arose and new theories were developed to answer those queries.
Racing out of his office and toward the parking garage, Abe whipped out his cell phone and dialed John’s home number, deciding he shouldn’t take any chances.
Marlena and the children were just settling down in the kitchen to make some chocolate chip cookies, a sweet surprise for their Daddy, because he’d been so upset lately. The kids wanted to do something to make him feel better and that was their idea. “Hello..” answered that friendly voice Abe hoped would be the one on the line, that is if John weren’t there as he surmised.
“Marlena.. listen it’s Abe… has John called you in the last hour or so?”
“No… why, Abe is something wrong… did something else happen?” she asked, her radar going off. It was instinctive and besides, Abe wouldn’t have called if he weren’t worried about her husband.
“Well, we were sitting around the office trying to figure out how the DNA test results came out as they did.. who might have wanted to tamper with them and why. John was getting pretty… frustrated. He said he was heading out to review the files Shane brought him, but I think he went to see Stefano, to find out if he’s back from wherever he went. After John left, I was going over everything in my mind and….”
“What, Abe… please… just tell me what you’re thinking!” she demanded, trying but failing to keep the concern from her voice in an attempt to protect the children.
“Okay…. I think that maybe this whole thing was set up by Stefano in the first place… maybe he just wanted to get John all riled up… maybe he wanted John to *think* he’s a Dimera, so he could get John out of the way.”
Her mind made the leap with his, and she sighed with nearly overwhelming concern, a wave of fear washing through her belly, causing a delay in her response. “Oh, Abe… you’re not saying that… he wants John to go over there and confront him about this… that he’s orchestrated this whole situation to force John to threaten him or worse yet… try to..” She had to stop short and not say the last word because of the children, thinking that Abe would fill in the blanks.
“Yes… that’s what I’m afraid of, Marlena.. If John does try to kill him, Stefano will take full advantage of the situation. If it happens, it’s a safe bet he’ll make sure John’s goes to jail for it.”
“Then you have to stop him, Abe!” Marlena said with intensity. Hurry, Abe!”
“I’m on my way right now, Marlena… try not to worry. John didn’t have much of a head start on me. I’ll get him out of there before he gets into trouble if I have to drag him out kicking and screaming.”
She wanted to smile at that image, but the fear was so strong. Maybe Abe was right, maybe it was a setup. If it were, John was falling right into the trap laid by the master manipulator of people and circumstances. Marlena said nothing more, deciding that the best option at the moment was fervent prayer while she waited anxiously for news of John’s whereabouts and activities.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katerina VonLueschner-Alamain stood in the frame of the door to the den for a long while, waiting to hear her husband’s sure to be complicated attempt at an explanation. “This better be good, Lawrence…. You know how I feel about your old methods of conducting business. John is a good man and he’s your brother. He deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. Why did I just hear you talking about ruining his life?”
Her husband tried to discount what she thought she heard, saying, “Uh… you must have misunderstood my meaning. I uh… “
Stepping closer, she called him on his lame attempt at a lie, “No, Lawrence… I didn’t… I know you too well… now suppose you just tell me the truth.”
Standing up to face her, Lawrence realized he wasn’t getting out of it so he gave a close approximation, “All right… it turns out that John Black quite possibly isn’t my brother after all. Reports given to me recently indicate that he’s the illegitimate son of one Stefano Dimera…”
It was beyond shocking to hear Lawrence say it. She knew how devastated John and Marlena had to be, not to mention the Brady family which still considered John as a member of their clan. Shaking her head, she denied it and hoped he had no ready argument, “No… how can that be true, Lawrence….. He had the locket…. you ran DNA tests on him…. twice! He’s your brother, Forrest Alamain.. I thought there were no doubts in your mind about it.”
“Tests results can be tampered with Katerina, you know that… as well as I. Someone wanted everyone to believe that he’s my brother, that he’s an Alamain by birth, and I intend to find out why and who was responsible for all the lies. John has had half of this family’s holdings for far too many years…. If he’s not legally entitled to them, I’m going to strip it all away from him, Carly… that’s all I meant before.”
Without thinking, she blurted out an emotional response, “No, Lawrence… you can’t do that!”
There was something in her commanding yet fearful tone and in her disquieted brown eyes that unnerved him, and as much as he dreaded hearing whatever it might be, he was compelled to know. “Carly…. Why would you say that? If he isn’t a true Alamain heir, then he doesn’t have any right to the family’s wealth. My father and I worked hard to amass this fortune and I’ll be dammed if I’ll let some pretender, let alone the bastard child of one of our fiercest enemies have even one more dime of it!”
Her response was delayed, as if she were considering several alternatives, but then she said something that made no sense to him, “Well, I guess I can understand why you feel the way you do. I think that’s why it’s so important that I tell you the truth.”
He was stunned by that statement. “What truth, Katerina? What could you possibly know about all of this?” Lawrence asked, his tone almost frightening in its intensity. He detested the uncertainty of the situation and if she held some information that had some bearing on it, he *had* to know what it was in detail.
‘More than you could ever imagine, Lawrence,’ she answered internally, not able to meet his eyes. Carly sighed wearily as she sat down heavily on the leather couch across the room from his imposing mahogany desk, having known that this day would come eventually. She just didn’t think it would be now, when things were going so well for everyone.
She was happily married with two children in addition to Nikki who was becoming such a delightful young man. After so many years of denying his true feelings and falling for the wrong women, John Black was finally married to the one he loved all along, Marlena Evans. They were raising their three beautiful children, having recently adopted Susan’s baby whom they renamed Evan. Even Bo and Hope had reunited and were on their way to the altar in the very near future and expecting their second child. As she envisioned how the revelation might affect all their lives, Carly pondered the unanswerable, ‘So why did the sins of the past have to rear their ugly head, now of all times?‘
Her unpleasant reverie was interrupted by the expectant and decidedly frustrated voice of her husband, as he came out from behind his desk, “Katerina, I want you to tell me what you know about all of this, and I want you to tell me now!”
Vital Secrets Revealed
Carly remembered the day like it was yesterday. Her family’s attorneys had sent her a large envelope filled with old papers and letters they thought she might want, items found among some previously misplaced boxes which had been shuffled around from place to place, as they prepared to move into a new office complex. The images from the day the package arrived were so vivid. She’d opened it quickly and then went out into the gardens of the estate where she lived for a time, just before going to Salem.
It was a perfect Summer afternoon, a light breeze blowing in from the sea, fluttering the leaves on the trees, caressing her skin with coolness. Inside the package were several letters and a book with no title, obviously a journal of some sort. Carly remembered opening it cautiously, then closing it instantly when she saw whose handwriting was inside the cover. It was her mother’s journal and Katerina knew instinctively that some very important, very private details of her mother’s life were chronicled within those pages. It was several minutes before she worked up the courage to read what was written there, those childhood admonishments deeply instilled within. “You don’t touch mother’s purse and you don’t read mother’s journal!” She opened the book and started reading. It was about one third of the way through, as good a place as any she mused…..
September 15, 1954
The baby is almost due… It has been such a long time alone in this place and I sometimes wonder if we’ve made the right decision. Leopold says that it is the only way to keep the infant from harm, especially if it be a male child. We must do everything we can to protect the innocent. Had I only known, I never would have been intimate with such a monster. I was alone and he was quite charming at first. I was desperate for affection and so very foolish to ever trust that evil man. I do so regret what has come to pass…. and I vow to do whatever I must to keep my baby from being influenced by such wickedness, even the unthinkable. I shall give the child up, to be raised by good and loving parents. It is so fortunate that my very good friends have been on a long sabbatical, away from high society. No one will ever know that the baby is not of their own flesh. Our coloring is so near and it shall be easy to convince the aristocracy that they’ve had another child. No one shall ever suspect.
September 25, 1954
I am large with child… and I am having my misgivings now.. What if I am wrong to do this… to give up a child within my womb whom I have come to love sight unseen. And I do love you my child… and I so wish that I could be the mother who will raise you.. who will gaze into your wide eyes… and watch you grow… In my heart… I feel this is a mistake… but in my mind, I know that I am doing the right thing… for you, my precious child.. to save you from an evil heritage… I will take this pain of losing you and I will pray that God watch over you and guide you on your way in this world.
September 29, 1954 7:30 am…..
Today, my precious babe was born and I wish I had never laid eyes upon him. For, he is a mother’s dream…a sweet handsome face, eyes of navy blue, and a head full of dark hair. He is so beautiful and I long to have him suckle at the breast, to feed him from my very flesh, to hold him close and then watch him grow to be a boy and then a man. Having held him in my arms, my heart breaks to know that he will be raised by another. Alas, I fear it is for the best, for Stefano must never know he has sired a son. My sweet baby boy will be safe from harm, raised in true love, protected from his destructive heritage. If his father were ever to find out, this innocent would be corrupted, turned to deception and taught to pursue selfish gain. I have heard in recent weeks, the crimes of which he is accused and I know now that I have but one choice. That hideous monster of a man shall never know the truth, that when he lay with me, a new life was formed.
Katerina Von Lueschner, the name she used at the time, learned the truth about John’s identity during her mid 20’s, but couldn’t tell anyone what she knew, once she learned of Stefano’s involvement with her family. She discovered through reading her mother’s letters and journals that John was actually her brother. Well, half brother and it would bring disgrace to her mother if the truth were ever to be made known, so she kept silent even when the issue of his identity came up in Salem. Soon after meeting him, she realized who John was, but couldn’t break the vow of secrecy. Carly Manning justified it in her mind, by saying that it would only hurt both men to learn the truth. It was better that they thought they were brothers and after all, John became a wealthy man as a result of the mistake, so what harm was there in letting everyone think he was an Alamain by birth? She knew the DNA results were rigged, but didn’t play a part in making it happen, and so was able to live with herself.
She thought the issue was dead and buried, as were her parents, but unfortunately it was one that wouldn’t go away. John’s desire to learn about his past uncovering the ugly truth, years later.
John Black was indeed the illegitimate son of Stefano Dimera and Abigail Von Lueschner. Lawrence was going to be furious with her. All this time she had known and could have told her husband what she knew. She wondered as she stared into his dark eyes, whether he would ever forgive her for keeping something so momentous from him for any length of time, let alone the years that had long since passed after they move away from Salem.
His wife was obviously lost in thought and it was time to bring her back, his curiosity peaked, “Carly… I’ve been very patient with you… now, please, if you have some information, I need you to tell me what it is and I will take care of everything.”
She was hesitant, fearing his reaction, “I know you will, Lawrence.. and that’s what scares me so much about telling you this. I don’t want anyone to be hurt by the situation, anymore than they already have been.”
“Katerina!! Just tell me what you know!” her husband finally demanded, glaring at her.
“Alright…. alright, I’ll tell you… Lawrence…. you’re right, John isn’t your brother…. he’s not an Alamain.”
“That’s what I’m saying…. he’s Stefano’s bastard son…and he doesn’t deserve one red cent of our fortune. I’m going to go over to Salem to take control of all his holdings again. How glorious a day that will be.”
“Lawrence….wait… before you go flying off to Salem to gloat over your victory, there’s something else you should know about John.”
Lawrence tensed at her tone of voice, realizing that something very important was about to be revealed. Turning away from the heavy wooden doors and toward his wife of several years, he looked into her warm brown eyes and saw some quality he couldn’t identify. She was trembling with apprehension. Before he could place the look, she blurted it out, and he was in shock over the words she’d uttered. “Lawrence… he’s *my* brother. John is my brother, not yours.”
“WHAT!” He shook his head to clear it…. believing he had misheard her… “No, Carly, that’s not possible… is it?” he asked, struggling to take it all, thinking it must be part of some very realistic daydream he was having while sitting at his desk.
“Yes… Stefano had an affair with my mother, 45 years ago. She kept it well hidden for a very long time. My aunt helped her hide the baby to keep it away from Stefano–she and my mother worked closely together with your mother. It was all done to keep that bastard away from John.”
“No…. it can’t be true….. you wouldn’t lie to me about something like this… something this important.” Hard as he tried, he couldn’t deny the truth he saw in her eyes, “Carly… Why…. why would you let this happen?”
“To protect my mother.. and John….” His dark eyes pierced her to the soul. He was hurt and angry, and he felt betrayed.
“Lawrence… I’m so sorry but I really had no choice. It was my mother’s reputation…and John’s safety.. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but I didn’t know what Stefano would do if he found out. I’m so sorry.”
“Carly…do you have any idea what this means…the trouble you’ve caused me… and the Alamain Dynasty? My God, Carly….I could have handled it. I could have found a way to help you… and John. You should have trusted me. I can’t believe you kept this from me all these years!”
She was in a near state of panic. John would be left at Stefano’s mercy, not that he hadn’t been able to protect himself, but still, to lose his fortune and learn such a hideous truth at the same time would be devastating.. “What are you going to do, Lawrence….. none of this is his fault.. he’s been a victim in all of this…. you know that.”
He practically hissed at her, his resentment of John’s place in his life out in the open, “Yes…but he’s no heir of my father’s!” Glad to be rid if the thorn in his side, he spoke fiercely, “If he’s going to have a fortune…. let it be Dimera’s….and my sworn enemy.”
“No… Lawrence…. you can’t just leave him at Stefano’s mercy! He’s my brother and I…care about him. Please..”
“NO! It’s over, Carly! He is what he is… a Dimera bastard! I want him out of my life for good… and I’m going to Salem to tell him. I shall take great pleasure in it.” He smiled wickedly as he imagined the scene. ‘Oh, John… I can’t wait to see your face… when you have to shut down every company you *think* you own… and tell all those people that your last name is actually, Dimera… ha ha ha! Revenge, my enemy is such a sweet thing…’
Seeing the triumphant expression on his face, Carly knew she had to reach him somehow, and started in anxiously, “Lawrence… if you do this… I’ll.. ” she stared, but had nothing ready to threaten with that would make him stop.
“What, Carly… if I do this… you’re going to side with him, and I’ll have to make a choice. You’ve already chosen him over me….haven’t you? You knew that it went against everything I stood for… how it grated my soul to turn over half of the Alamain fortune to him. You KNEW Katerina! Now… if you’ll please excuse me… I have to pack my bags… ” He met her fiery gaze; she was uncompromising as was he–an impasse.
Yelling, she took another approach, speaking with passion about the man she secretly loved as a brother for several years, all the while wishing she could share a real connection with him, “Go ahead, then…make him miserable….take away his fortune….but you won’t break him! John Black is made of so much more than that! He’s really a very good man, Lawrence… and if you could get past your blind hatred of him, I think you’d actually like him. I know I do… very much, and I’m going to tell him so… when I see him.”
“What? You’re going too… after what just happened? But, Carly…” He was flabbergasted at her determination and her pluckiness as she stepped past him and headed toward the stairs.
She turned back toward him briefly to respond just as powerfully, “Especially after what just happened. Now, if you’ll excuse me… I have some packing to do as well…” She said no more and walked away, leaving him with his jaw hanging open.
Katarina Von Lueschner-Alamain was one amazing woman, completely undaunted and thoroughly unaffected by his bluster. She was a woman to be reckoned with, of that he was more certain than ever before. All he could do was stand there shaking his head in wonder as he admired the shape of her retreating form. Shortly after she passed out of his line of sight, he was on the phone, “It’s me…. yes, I’m leaving this evening… and yes… Mrs. Alamain will be joining me after all;have the plane ready within the hour.”
“But sir, I thought that….”
Lawrence almost smiled in wonderment, replying to the man’s half made statement, “Yes… well, so did I…. but plans change. Just ensure that the plane is ready and send the car around for us in thirty minutes, thank you,” he replied, not in the mood to reveal any of the details.
Five minutes later, the couple stood in silence, each packing separate pieces of luggage for their trip. Finally, when they were both tired of the tense quiet, they began to speak at the same moment, “Carly, listen…. “Lawrence….I’m sorry….I know that what I did was wrong in your eyes… but I would like the chance to explain it to you… if you’ll listen to me.”
It made them laugh, and for the moment the tension faded. “Alright, Katerina, you can share the story with me on the plane… maybe we can come to some kind of an… understanding over the Atlantic.”
“Maybe so… I can do better than explain it… I’ve brought my mother’s journal and you can learn it for yourself.”
Lawrence glanced at the old worn book she had in her hands, kept inside a special plastic bag of archive quality, so as to preserve it. He nodded and took her by the hand, thinking that it might make for some interesting reading and give him the opportunity to learn first hand just how difficult it had been for his wife to make her decision once she’d read her mother’s words from all those years ago. “I will, Carly.. I’ll read it and then we can.. talk about what to do.. I love you.”
“And, I love you… even if we do disagree about John. Of course… I’m going to convince you to see things my way.” She was unflappable. He smiled and leaned in to kiss her as they prepared to climb into the limousine, which had just arrived to take them to the airfield. “That remains to be seen, Katerina. I have little sympathy for him… but I will try to have an open mind, for you, my love.”
“That’s all I’m asking for Lawrence… “
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A half dozen squad cars pulled up to the Dimera Estate, thinking they would find John Black out of control and demanding to see Stefano, but he wasn’t there, hadn’t even been there. They spoke with the staff and they hadn’t seen any sign of him for at least a day or two.
Several hours later, the question still hadn’t been answered, ‘Where was John and why hadn’t he contacted anyone?’ It was late into the evening and he hadn’t even called Marlena, who was starting to worry. John’s moods fluctuated so violently since he learned Stefano was his biological father and she often wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling. The children were all asleep, and she was standing out on the terrace overlooking the city, and wondering where her husband could possibly be at the moment. Finally, when the waiting seemed eternal, the telephone rang, “John?” she answered hastily, wanting to believe with all her heart that it would be him.
“No, I’m sorry, Marlena… it’s Shane. I was looking for John. I have some… rather important information for him, do you have any idea where he is at the moment?”
“No, Shane… I don’t… and to tell you the truth… I’m very worried about him. He left Abe’s office several hours ago and no one has heard a word from him. He’s been so upset lately and I can’t help but wonder…”
“Wonder what, Marlena… what are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying he’s very upset and angry right now, angry at the whole world and under the right conditions, he might hurt himself or someone else by accident.”
“No.. he’s upset, but I don’t think so, Marlena.. not unless we’re talking about Stefano, of course. Well, listen, I think I should tell you what I’ve learned, can I come over?”
“Yes, please do, Shane I could really use the company right now…”
Shane began to fill her in on the details, which made things clear as mud. Then came the knock at the door; she hurriedly told Shane she’d have to call him back without explanation, leaving him confused and concerned, wishing he were there with her. A few minutes later, he was on his way to the condo the couple owned. Marlena then rose and looked out the peep hole to see two men with badges, FBI badges. Terrified it was about John, she opened the door and they spoke to her immediately, “Hello, Mrs. Black…. we’re looking for your husband, have you seen him lately?”
Fear took a stronghold inside her heart, while ushering them inside, “Uh, no… no I haven’t. Please…. tell me what this is all about.” She dreaded hearing the answer, knowing it couldn’t possibly be good news.
“Well, I hate to have to tell you this… but a man was murdered on the pier tonight and all the evidence we have points directly to your husband Mrs. Black. He’s wanted for questioning and a warrant for his arrest may be issued as soon as all the evidence has been logged and analyzed.”
“Murder… why would John want to…. Who was it?” she suddenly blurted out fearfully, thinking it might be Stefano. It was shades of Aremid all over again, the man she loved being falsely accused with nearly irrefutable evidence.
“Someone by the name of Richard…. What was his last name, Scott?” he asked, turning toward his partner… “Uh… it’s.. Preston… Yes, that’s it… anyway, he was one of Dimera’s known former associates. By all appearances, your husband had the means, and the opportunity, and the motive too. For instance, we know for a fact that your husband was slated to meet someone on the pier tonight at midnight. When we searched the pier we found a crumpled up note written to John Black about having some information that might help him deal with Stefano. Odds are that meet went down as planned and then things went sour. I’m sorry to say this Mrs. Black, but it really looks bad for him. I’d advise you to contact your attorney immediately, if you have one.”
She was about to feint when a friend arrived, in the nick of time, bracing her against the dizziness that threatened to take her to her knees. “Oh Abe… what’s this all about? You know that John didn’t kill anyone,” she said, on the verge of collapse. There was too much happening and she was overwhelmed by fear.
“I know he didn’t… but Marlena.. the evidence is stacked against him right now. The best thing we can do is find him and talk to him. Have you called Mickey yet?”
“No… these men have only just arrived to tell me the bad news, Abe, I haven’t heard from John all evening. I really don’t know where he is right now!” she said, near a release of tears. “I’m so worried about him!”
“I know… so am I, Marlena… but we have to believe that he’s alright and that he hasn’t done anything wrong. I know there’s a logical explanation for all of this. There just has to be… and so help me, God.. Bo and I are going to do everything we can to find it and prove his innocence, no matter what evidence is found. Bo’s downtown right now, making sure there are no mistakes made in the lab.”
“Oh, thank you, Abe… I always know I can count on you and Bo… you’re such good friends to us.”
Placing his strong arms around her trembling body for a moment or two, he spoke softly to calm her, “Hey, that’s what friends do… support each other through the hard times.. Now, come on… let’s go call Mickey and then we’ll see what we do about finding John. “
She nodded tearfully and wiped away the moisture that had already escaped and found its way down the length of her cheeks. “Okay… we will.. thank you again, Abe.”
The least he could do was attempt to instill faith that all would be right in the end, “You’re welcome. We’re going to find him, Marlena… I know we are. And everything is going to be just fine…try not to worry.”
“Yes, of course we will…. of course we will,” she parroted, not nearly as confident as her husband’s best friend seemed to be.
Confrontation Long Overdue
Shane Donovan wondered what was happening, when he heard it on the radio… “Reports have now been confirmed. A known former associate of Stefano Dimera’s was found dead on Pier 29, at approximately 12:00am, apparently from a gunshot wound. Police have confirmed that John Black is a major suspect in the murder. No motive has been established at this time. A warrant has been issued for his arrest on the charges of Murder One. More details on this shocking turn of events will be provided as they become available. Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming…”
“Oh, John.. now what have you gotten yourself into? No doubt someone set you up… but who and why?”
At last, he was at the Penthouse… and was greeted at the door. Holding up his ISA Identification Card, he was let inside immediately. “Welcome Shane…. We’re just trying to piece together what might have happened tonight and where John might be right now,” Abe said from across the room.
“I’ve been thinking about it.. and I just heard the report… I’m not sure… but my guess is that John met with the man and then Stefano’s people killed him and set it up to make it look like John did.”
Abe was nodding his agreement as he voiced it, “Makes sense… but then where is John… and why haven’t we heard from him?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The limo driver headed back toward the Salem airport as fast as the long black vehicle would take him. There was no doubt in his mind that he was as good as dead once Dimera found out what had happened. But if he didn’t do what the man with a gun demanded of him, he’d already be dead. This way, at least he had a fighting chance of getting away.
The scene played in his mind repeatedly. It was uncanny… but the man standing there outside the limousine door looked suspiciously like the man he was supposed to be transporting. He had dark hair and blue eyes. They were steely blue, full of cold hard rage, and it was painfully clear that he was primed and ready to kill at a moment’s notice. One little flicker of resistance at the critical moment and the young man knew he would have been a corpse. Now, having heard the reports on the radio, the driver knew it was John Black he’d come face to face with…a gun pointed at his head as he prepared to move the vehicle closer to where the plane was to land shortly. “I want you to turn this thing around right now, and I don’t ever want to see your ugly face again, you got that!”
“Look mister… I work for someone who… well, let’s just say he won’t be pleased if I’m not where I’m supposed to be right on time… and you…well, you’ll be a dead man.”
John squeezed the gun and pulled back the hammer, saying in even more threatening tones as he pressed the barrel against the man’s sweaty forehead, “I *know* who you work for … and I’m *telling* you… if you don’t start this limo and take off for parts unknown… I’m gonna kill ya! “
There was no arguing with a gun or the angry man… “Okay mister… I’m going… and good luck!” he said, while anxiously starting the engine.
“Don’t need any… I got this!” John said with an angry smile, showing the man his .44 semi-automatic pistol. “Now get out of here,” he added, his face tight with tension as the man spun tires trying to get as far away from him as possible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The more time she had to think about what might be taking place, the more Marlena Black worried. Finally, as she heard the FBI agents talking about the charges John already faced, she started to cry.. fearing the worst…”Oh Shane.. Abe… I’m really starting to get… scared… what if he….”
Abe was frightened too… and wasn’t sure which of them he most wanted to convince as he grasped her by the shoulders. Staring into moist hazel eyes, her husband’s best friend spoke with fervent hope, “Marlena… we’re going to find him… we’ll stop him from doing anything foolish and then we’ll prove he’s innocent of this shooting… It’s going to be okay… you have to believe that!”
“Oh, I’m trying, Abe.. I’m trying so hard! But I keep… remembering how he was that night when he found out that Stefano was his father… his eyes… I keep seeing the agony in his eyes.. and the anger we saw the other day… the rage he feels about what Stefano has done to him… and I can’t help but think that he’s…”
“I know… I know.. me too… but we just… have to pray.. that he calms down… and that in the end… the love we all feel for him.. will make the difference…”
“I hope so, Abe… I hope so…” she cried, forcing back the tide of emotion, putting her hands over her mouth in an attempt to contain it. Marlena managed to pull herself together slightly and then went over toward the terrace and stepped out for some fresh air, wanting to feel closer to her love. She looked up into the night sky and searched for the star he sometimes still turned to for comfort in troubled times… With a weary tearful sigh, she spoke to the woman it represented, “Oh, Isabella… if ever he needed you… it’s tonight… please.. watch over him… remind him of what’s really important… the love he shares with me… with the children… and all the people in Salem who care about him. Help him to feel that love when he needs it the most.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dark haired man sitting in the Black Jeep Grand Cherokee parked near the lonely runway, was becoming increasingly agitated about the waiting. Taking a deep breath the driver engaged in some self talk, a technique the woman he loved had taught him. But he couldn’t let any thoughts of her enter his mind. No, that would only cloud his judgement and slow him down, maybe even make him question his intentions. He knew that the only way he could do what had to be done was to block out all thoughts except those related to taking out the madman. ‘Relax…it’s almost time, John…. just settle down and wait for the plane… just a few more minutes…and he’s all yours.’
While he waited, his mind took him back to the conversation on the pier with someone else who had a score to settle with the Phoenix.
“Come on…. Tell me… does Dimera know?”
“What do you think… you talked to him the other day on the pier didn’t you?” Preston had said, indicating that John’s assumptions had been correct.
“But how did you…. ” John began to question… it had been early morning.. and he could have sworn he was alone with the monster.
“I’ve been watching for awhile now…. The point is…didn’t he make it sound as though he knew?”
Thinking back on it, John had to admit the man had been rather cryptic… his usual style when he had some secret he wanted someone to wonder about, when he wanted them to leave not knowing, and have it eat away at their peace of mind….”Yea… I guess he did… but I need to hear it from you. Does he know and for how long? And, why did he go to Europe?”
“Alright… he went to Europe because of recent information that was presented; he’s not sure about the timing… he wanted to do some research and figure out who your mother is, John. As for how long… I’m not certain… you’ll have to ask him that yourself…but if I were a betting man, I’d say a lot longer than you have…”
“Oh, I intend to… so when’s he coming back?”
“Late tonight… 2:00am…on a private air strip just west of Salem..”
The memory faded just in time to see the lights of the plane. “Ah… at last… I’ve got you now, Dimera… ” John said, pulling out the handgun he’d placed inside his leather jacket earlier in the previous day. He checked the clip and the unfastened the safety. “Prepare to take a permanent tour of the underworld!” he said, as the rage began to find its way out of its special hiding place deep inside the core of his being. He kept it in a safe place, and most people never caught even a faint glimpse of it. Other than the Old Man himself, only Marlena, Abe, and Bo Brady had ever seen even a hint of the immensely powerful emotion he kept locked up tight inside. John was afraid of what would happen if he ever let himself experience it in all its intensity, but not tonight. He had been waiting for as long as he could remember for this moment to arrive.
Tonight, he would unleash the vengeful fury of a man repeatedly victimized by a brutal captor, his heart, mind and soul wounded in ways no one else could truly understand. It was so much worse to know that the hideous monster who inflicted those wounds was a man who was supposed to love and nurture him, to speak to him in gentle tones and guide him on his way in the world. It was incomprehensible; all that pain had come from the man who had given him life. For that kind of betrayal there was no justice the world could ever extract. No, it was time to put an end the sick mind games Dimera had been making of his life, once and for all, and John Black knew instinctively that he was the only man for the job. Locking the clip into place one last time, he held out the weapon as if to fire off a round, saying in a harsh whisper, ‘Payback’s a bitch, Father!’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abe and Shane were trying to keep up Marlena’s failing spirits. She hadn’t heard from John since early morning… it was becoming harder and harder not to worry that indeed he had gone after Stefano, who was supposedly in Europe… but it was nearly impossible to believe that John killed the man on the pier… ‘Oh, John… where are you my love.. and why haven’t you called me…’ she was asking as the phone did finally ring… She was disappointed when it wasn’t hers.. but rather one of the police radios was making the noise.
In a moment, they were approached by one of the uniformed officers… “I’m sorry to interrupt, Commander… but there’s an urgent call for you.. it’s being patched through to this phone…” he said pointing to the portable on the counter in the Black kitchen.
“I’m sorry, Marlena… but this could be important,” he said as it rang in his hand.
The caller wasted no time… and the Commander recognized the voice immediately.. “Hey Abe, it’s me… there’s something going down at a small airstrip just west of here.. I just got a call from an informant… The only reason I called you is… my snitch says it’s involving a small private jet and a.. Black truck…”
Abe knew what his partner was thinking…”Stefano’s plane is coming in and John’s planning to be there waiting for him..”
“Yea.. that was my first thought too…I’m headed out there as we speak.. It’s off of 70….”
“I’m on my way…” Abe said, shutting down the phone and turning toward his friends, “Marlena…. There’s something happening.. I think it might be John going to confront Stefano… I have to go…”
“Then I’m going too…” Marlena said, following her friend and his men out toward the front door.
Shane was already reaching for his car keys and saying, “I’ll drive you…”
“Good… then let’s go… we don’t have much time… I’m sure that the incident on the pier and this one are connected!” Abe said racing toward the elevator, hating to wait even that long, but knowing it would take longer if he rushed down the stairs.
Once at the ground level, a handful of agents, uniformed cops, and civilians raced to their vehicles and took off down the road toward the freeway. Time was critical… Abe only allowed himself a fleeting thought about what would happen if John got to Stefano before they arrived.
Marlena, in the car behind Abe’s, was having much more than a fleeting thought… “Oh, Shane… John is so… hurt, so angry… I’m afraid he’s going to try to kill Stefano!”
Shane was envisioning that very scenario as she spoke the words… recalling how distressed John had been to learn the truth. “I know… I know… we just have to pray we get there in time to stop him.” The more he thought about it the more he felt bad for his part in what was transpiring.. “Marlena.. I wish I never offered to help him research his past… maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation if I’d turned him down. I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve both been through because of it.”
Even as the fear threatened to take control, she wanted to alleviate her friend’s guilt reaction if possible, saying, “Oh, Shane… it’s not your fault.. you know that. John was compelled to know… now he does… we can only hope we can find a way to help him accept and learn to live with what he’s learned.”
Shane only nodded… and Marlena prayed, ‘Oh, dear God… let us get there in time to stop him…’
In the lead care, Abe was becoming more concerned as the minutes ticked off the clock.. Calling with the police radio, he asked for the details he needed, “Bo… it’s Abe…. Where are you?”
“I’m a couple miles away from the airstrip… I can see the lights… I’ll be there in a handful of minutes… how far out are you… I’ll tell you how to get here..”
“I’m on 70… headed west.. about five miles out from Dunkirk.. What exit, Bo?”
Glancing briefly at the map, Bo replied positively, “Good…you’re not too far behind me…take exit 85 and go North for two miles… then you take a left onto airport highway…then it’s a mile or two down on the right… hurry man… I’m getting.. nervous.. I have a gut feeling about this.. John’s not just going to confront Stefano… I think he’s gonna try to kill him, Abe.”
“I know…. I’ve been trying to tell myself that he could… handle it… that the worst was over… but in the back of my mind… I knew… that if he ever snapped.. this would be the time.”
Bo was nodding his head, envisioning John pulling the trigger and standing there with a strange sort of a smile on his face, watching as Stefano’s body hit the ground.. a pool of bright red blood flowing out around him… “Oh, Damn… me too! Okay, I’ll see you soon… I’m almost there…” Bo could see the plane just about to come to a stop… and there in the shadows was the Black truck his snitch had mentioned. There was no doubt in Bo’s mind that it was John’s Jeep. In the next instant, his worst fears were confirmed as he looked through the night scope to see the man he loved like a brother climbing out of that vehicle, gun in hand. “Oh, John… no…” Bo punched the gas pedal of his own car and raced toward the plane, praying all the way that he could get there in time.
As he finally pulled to a stop, he sent up a prayer… “Please God… if you’re up there…don’t let this happen… Don’t let John do something he’s going to regret… don’t let him spend the rest of his life in jail… Help us to stop him!”
Stefano was angry… that was choice… John smiled as he heard the man expressing that emotion to his pilot…”Alright.. secure the plane…and find out why that limo isn’t here yet, dammit!” In another minute, John was on the plane and with one swift motion he was satisfied to know that the pilot would be making no calls…
Without making another sound, John made his way back to the cabin… “I’ll be glad to tell you why the limousine isn’t here, Stefano… I uh… had a nice little conversation with the driver… seems he values his life more than his paycheck… . And, your pilot’s taking a nap so, it’s just you and me Dimera,” he said, smiling with a hint of the malicious glee Stefano’s face so often bore when he had the upper hand.
Stefano whirled at the sound of the familiar voice, saying “John… how did you..” That was all the surprise he let show.. before launching into the typical taunting style of communication… “Well.. I see that my training did not go to waste… you were always the best man I ever had on the payroll… a regular chip off the old block if I do say so myself, ha ha!”
That was all it took to set him off, the gun drawn and pointed toward the bastard’s ugly face.. “Yea… it didn’t go to waste at all… you taught me well… and I’m so glad to say… I’m the one in control now… And, l suggest you prepare yourself to meet your maker, Stefano… I don’t think it’s going to be a pleasant encounter….but I must say, it’s long overdue.” John smiled with delight at seeing the man sweat.
With his hands in the air, Stefano continued the game, relishing it even as he wondered whether the man he’d trained would actually murder him, “John…. John… is this any way to talk to me? If it were not for me… you would never have met the fair Marlena and fallen in love for example.. you would never have known… the incredible passion you feel for her.. or had children with her… John… you must admit that… “
“I don’t have to admit anything… but you’re going to…right before I blow you away… you’re going to tell me how long you’ve known… you Bastard!” John said as the rage flared, his hands shaking ever so slightly. He’d waited so long–it was difficult to control his emotions long enough to enjoy it.
“Known what, John…. ” Stefano asked feigning innocence and watching the man’s face flush as his blood pressure presumably rose. John was enraged and that emotion could be used against him.
“Oh, come on… don’t play this game with me…it’s over… I’m gonna kill you tonight Dimera… and I’m giving you a chance to make a confession before you leave the planet… you ought to be thanking me…”
Throwing his head back, Stefano let out a hearty laugh, “HA HA..… Oh, John… you do have such delusions…. So, you’re going to kill me, and then what? You’ll spend the rest of your life in prison…or worse? Am I that powerful, John… Do I have that much control over you that you would give up your life with Marlena and the children, simply because you want to exact revenge upon me?”
He was shaking his head… laughing, “No.. no, the way I see it… I’m doing the world a favor.. and I think everybody else will see it the same way… I’ll be acquitted… no jury in the world would convict me after the hell you’ve put me through!”
Time to play a card and see how John handled it. “So, you would shoot your own father in cold blood… “
As they circled each other warily, John stared him down, searching for traces of truth, “Oh, so you’re willing to admit it now…”
There was no sense in denying it now… perhaps it could be traded upon. Nodding his head, he replied honestly, “Yes… I have learned of it just recently, John. It was.. quite a shock.”
He laughed harshly at the mere thought of it, “Oh yea, now that’s an understatement if ever there were one.”
“It is rather intriguing and ironic… don’t you think? That such mortal enemies should turn out in the end to be family,” Stefano continued, his hands still in the air as he took another step in the unlikely circle dance they were making, glancing toward the door of the cabin.
Whatever façade of calm John had been laboring to construct was failing at the mention of the word. “Family! You want to talk to me about family! Let’s look at that shall we… Peter… he’s rotting in jail for his crazy stunts to hold onto Jennifer… and Kristen… after all the lies and deception you taught her.. she’s in a nuthouse… and Tony killed himself trying to frame me… Alive or dead, they’ve all been destroyed Stefano! Because *you* killed their spirits… you used and manipulated them like you do everybody else in your life… Well, it’s never going to happen to me, cause it’s just like you said… we’re mortal enemies… and tonight you’re a dead man, Dimera! ” John shouted, his gun at point blank range.
Raising his hands even higher to signify that he was no threat, Stefano labored to convince his charge that his thinking was off, “John… I realize that you think I’ve known about this all along…. But knowing me as you have.. do you really believe that I would torture my own flesh and blood.. that I would have held my own son prisoner and brainwashed him.. No, no…none of that… if I had known, John… it would have been very different between us… I would have raised you with care…and taught you so many things… We would have shared everything, John…” he said, lowering his voice and speaking with some level of sincerity. There was a time when they shared a closer relationship, almost as if that were the case, but John didn’t remember and Stefano had long since learned only to reveal what was absolutely necessary at any given moment. Those untold secrets should remain buried unless there was no other choice.
John was shaking his head.. the mere idea of being raised by such a hideous monster caused him pain beyond belief. “What… so you would have read to me from Milton… taken me to the opera and taught me how to play chess? I don’t *think* so! And then when I was old enough… you would have trained me and sent me out to do your dirty work anyway? No.. thank God.. you didn’t raise me and I am *nothing* like you, Old Man!” he said harshly, pointing the gun at the man’s face. “I’m nothing like you, ” John repeated in a ragged whisper through clenched teeth, as if he were laboring to convince himself of that fact.
Stefano saw it in John’s slightly misty blue eyes. In that split second there was a open window to the other man’s soul… that glimmer of doubt, that innate need to have a history which was real. Painful or not, John now knew the truth and there was some tiny part of him that wanted to embrace his true heritage, however wicked it might be. Stefano had always known that a significant aspect of John’s pain was a profound need to have a firm foundation on which to build his sense of self. Ever since he’d shown up in Salem, his undying love for Marlena had always been a large part of that foundation, but there was a greater need which went largely unspoken. In this moment, John was overwhelmed and confused, because for the first time he had something to call his own. Despite his deep hatred for his tormentor, John was reacting very powerfully to the fact that his biological father was standing right in front of him. His response was purely visceral and Stefano knew he had a chance to survive by capitalizing on it.
Seizing the angry passion of the moment, Stefano pointed out their similarities…”Oh but you are, John… you are… I can see that now.. you’re so driven… you have a tendency to become.. obsessed…as I do.. when you truly want something… John, look at your affair and your profound love for Marlena… you let nothing stand in your way when you wanted her…John, and your strength of will, your incredible determination to survive! My God… most any man who had been through what you have, would be a blithering idiot, and look at you.. You’re magnificent, John.. you’re standing here so strong and proud! All of those qualities are like mine. You are like me, in so many ways, my son…”
The way he said it was almost like he meant it, like he admired the man John had become in the aftermath of agonizing loss and self doubt that followed the revelation that he was not Roman Brady.
John was shaking his head vehemently, his heart and mind reacting violently to Stefano’s speech, his trembling hands struggling to level the gun. “No.. no I’m Not! I’m NOT!! And don’t you EVER call me that again! I’m *not* your son… not in any of the ways that matter!” he said, struggling to control his breathing, if not the emotions that caused it to be so ragged and labored.
With a heretofore unseen honest vulnerability, John told of things of which he’d hardly ever spoken, his tone filled with amazement that he could be so loved, “Shawn Brady is my *real* Father!! He’s the one who was there for me every time my world was ripped apart… mostly because of you! You know.. I even told him about this… and he still loves me… he *still* thinks of me as his son… he says that in his heart… I’ll always be a Brady… That’s who I am, Stefano… I’m a BRADY! I’m not a Dimera… and I NEVER will be!”
Stefano drove the point home…knowing he was pushing John to the point of breaking, “No, John… you come from the Dimera line… and *I* am your Father… I gave you life!”
John’s voice was shaking now too… the immense power of the painful reality beginning to penetrate his angry defenses, “No… no, you had sex my mother… and *She* gave me life. You only hurt me, Stefano… over and over and over again.. you *hurt* me… and for all of that pain you caused, to me and everybody else I love… you’re going to DIE! I hate you… I hate you SO much!” The gun was aimed and ready, the trigger being pulled back, his hands still trembling with the indescribable tension of having learned and begun to face such a hideous truth. The time for talk was finished.
So focused on the task before him, the tense gunman did not hear the sounds of people entering the plane. “No, John… don’t do this!” shouted four caring voices, almost in unison.
John shut his eyes very briefly and sighed wearily in response… their presence would only make it harder, but he was not leaving without accomplishing his goal. Stefano Dimera was going to be executed for his numerous crimes against the people of Salem and beyond. John glanced over at his friends momentarily and then pointed the gun at his evil tormentor once again, saying flatly, “You shouldn’t have come here…but it doesn’t really matter. Because you can’t stop me; nobody can stop me. He’s going to die tonight…”
Heated Exchange
The others exchanged worried glances, but it was Abe who took the first shot at the impossible, inching two feet closer to his best friend. “John… think about this… come on now… you don’t really want to give up your freedom for revenge… that’s his style, not yours…”
In spite of his outwardly desperate plight, Stefano couldn’t resist the chance to take another jibe… “You see, John… even in this… you are SO much like me… “
“Shut up, Old Man….you just shut up!” John said breathing hard, threatening again, pointing the gun barrel even closer to the man’s head, his hands shaking almost imperceptibly as he countered for Abe’s move.
Next off it was Bo who scrambled for the words that would make his adoptive brother listen, “John… I know you’re really hurting, man.. anybody would be… and I remember what it was like… when I found out Victor was my father… I wanted to do the same thing… do you remember what you said to me?”
Shaking his head, forcing the pain down, John tried to cut Bo off but was unsuccessful. “Don’t Bo…this is different… he has….caused me so much pain… he stole my life… and he…” The emotions were overwhelming and it was all he could do to assemble any logical thought.
Trying to step in front of the angry man with a gun, Bo kept working at it, “John… I know that… I felt the same way about Victor… and you encouraged me… to give him a chance… to find a way to come to terms with it… and I did.”
Seeing the tactic, John shifted toward the cockpit so that there was no one between he and his target. “No.. that’s not going to happen, here, Bo.. The bastard deserves to die for all the pain he’s caused!”
If looks could kill, Marlena’s searing expression would have put an end to the argument and Stefano would never bother anyone again. Stepping as close as she dared, Marlena caught John’s eye and pleaded with him, appealing to the core of goodness she knew was there, the part of him that would never gun someone down in cold blood, not even Stefano Dimera. “Honey… I know that you’re in a lot of pain right now… and you’re so confused about how to feel… what to think about yourself… and you think that killing him will take that pain and that confusion away, but it won’t, John. It won’t… And I think you’re forgetting what is most important. I *love* you… we all do, honey… and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
He was shaking his head, breathing raggedly and fighting her words, fighting the truths she uttered. There were so many other important aspects of his life than his need to pay the bastard back for the suffering they’d all endured. “No…” he said, not quite able to look her in the eye. She was right, a part of him he didn’t want to acknowledge at the moment, *knew* she was right. *Dammit, Doc… why did you have to come here!* he shouted in the privacy of his mind, his hands shaking, pointing the gun at Stefano’s head again, wishing he could just pull the damn trigger and end the debate, once and for all.
Tears were flowing as she continued to appeal to that inner core of loving compassion, her voice trembling with fear for what might happen if he acted on his rage, “John, I don’t care about your biological parents… I care about you… and the man that I married… is a good man… a kind, loving, and forgiving man. Honey, none of that has changed because of what you’ve learned. All of the people who love you will go right on caring for you the same way they always have. This doesn’t change anything for us, John.”
It was all he could handle to hold back the tide of emotion about all that he experienced, his most fervent wish to finish the saga here and now. His voice quavering, John told his wife how it affected him, at the same time as he kept his sight trained on the wicked one, “Well, it does for me… Doc… all these years… I’ve tried to come to terms with what happened… to find some kind of.. peace… and let it go…I’ve tried to be satisfied with the life that was given to me. And I finally did… we got married… we were happy… and now… I come to find out that…the sick bastard who kidnapped and brainwashed me… who hung me in chains and beat me… the monster who drugged me into oblivion and took control of my mind… was my own FATHER!! Can’t you understand ? This changes EVERYTHING!!” he said, his face wracked with anger and frustration and a depth of pain she’d never seen before.
They were at a standstill. John facing the passenger cabin, holding the gun on the bastard who had perpetrated all those hideous acts, and Stefano holding his place, waiting for reinforcements.
Abe and Bo advanced slowly, hoping for an opening that would allow them to divest John of the gun without any bloodshed. There had been enough violence where Dimera was concerned, enough suffering, and they definitely didn’t want their good friend getting hurt or going to prison for shooting the likes of that sick monster. Bo made another attempt to convince his erstwhile brother to let it go, “John….think about it… you don’t want to do jail time.. for killing him… he’s not worth it, John!”
Abe was nodding, also edging slightly closer, “He’s right, partner…. now come on, John… this is over… you’ve made your point… but we’re not going to let you shoot him… put the gun down, buddy,” Abe urged him, extending his right hand.
John stiffened and took a quick step toward Dimera, shaking his head and denying them, his voice barely a whisper, “No… “
“John.. John…. don’t you want to know… about your past?” Stefano taunted once again, stalling.. hoping to rattle his assailant, and hiding his very realistic fear.
“No… I know *more* than enough, thank you,” John hissed, leveling the gun again, drawing back the hammer. He was prepared to end the game, and let the chips fall where they may.
“Do you, John.. do you really?” Stefano pushed him. “I think you want to connect with your past… and your blood ties. That’s why you haven’t killed me yet, is it not true, John?”
Both hands on the gun, he aimed it at the older man’s chest, prepared to fire if given the slightest challenge. Shaking his head, he discounted the man’s claim, “No.. no, I won’t play your sick mind games anymore, Dimera. You won’t tell me anything, except a pack of lies… just like your darling daughter, Kristen.”
John was so unsettled he’d almost forgotten a critical element of the latest revelation, “Ah yes… your *sister.* How does that feel, John to realize you made love to your sister?” Stefano asked him, using every possible tactic to put John off guard long enough for the man’s friends to apprehend him and eliminate the threat he posed.
A wave of intense nausea washed over as images of having sex with the woman flashed inside John’s mind, just like they had the night he first learned the truth. When he shut his eyes and wavered momentarily, Abe and Bo instantly rushed forward. It was over in less than seconds. Bo brought both hands down on John’s right wrist, smashing it with great force, disarming him. The gun skittered out of reach.
Even as John dove for it, he sighed, defeated, realizing that his chance was lost. “Damn you…. DAMMIT!! I had him! Damn the both of you!” he cried, as they landed on top of him. In seconds, Shane swiftly retrieved the gun and Abe and Bo were holding John down, his disheartened blue eyes fixed on the weapon that would have ended his seemingly endless torment.
Stefano stood back and waited for his son to settle slightly and then offered a veiled threat, “John…. we shall have to continue this chat another time…. I’d like to come by… and see your… little brother, Evan. He must be getting so big by now… how old is he again?”
John struggled fiercely against two pairs of strong arms, tears born of rage forming behind his eyes. “You lousy Bastard! This isn’t over… this is NOT OVER! I’m going to nail you.. you BASTARD!!” John bellowed in frustration.. He watched helplessly while Stefano exited the plane, vowing that he would still find a way to make the man pay.
When it was obvious he wouldn’t get another opportunity in the immediate future, John relaxed, fighting back a swell of disconsolation, feeling spent by the tense encounter. When the others let him up, he glared at them shaking his head in disgust and despair, his eyes burning with betrayal. “I had him, damn you! I finally had him…” he muttered. Without a word of warning, he nearly leaped out of the plane and raced for the Jeep, speeding off into the dark night before anyone else on the plane could make a move to run after him. They could only pray he wouldn’t tail the limousine to the Dimera Mansion, or wherever Stefano directed his driver to take it.
Turning his attention from the lights on runway, Abe asked his best friends what came after, “What can we do for him, Marlena?”
Bo wasted no time. “I’m going after him.. if anybody knows what he’s going through… it’d be me… No offense to Lexie, Abe.. but he can’t hear what she’s been trying to tell him. He’ll never think of Stefano the way she does… “
Abe sighed tiredly and nodded, recalling a conversation his wife had mentioned, how she wished John would try to see the situation from her father’s point of view. “You’re right… go talk to him, Bo…”
Marlena agreed, but she couldn’t hide her concern, “I know that Bo… I just wish he would let us in. He’s in so much pain.”
Shane, who had remained silent throughout the entire ordeal, finally offered his opinion on the matter, inching toward the others, “As much as I hate to admit it, I think Stefano may have actually hit on something tonight. “
“What are you talking about, Shane?” asked all three of them with their eyes. Only Bo voiced it, however.
“When he was talking about John wanting to know, to make sense of what he’s learned.”
Marlena was nodding when she sighed worriedly, her focus directed inward, recapturing the scene in her mind. “I think you’re right, Shane… no matter how angry John is… how upsetting this is for him… he wants to have some… connection to his past… some sense of who he was and where he came from… and now Stefano figures into that equation for him. John has needed it for a very long time and now he has it, but it’s coming from the last place, the last person he ever expected and it’s tearing him apart. “
Heads were nodding. Blowing out a long breath, Bo shared his take on the situation, “Now, I understand… I didn’t until you explained it that way. Ever since he found out he wasn’t Roman, he’s been… drifting.. not knowing for sure if he belonged with the Brady’s, wondering if there wasn’t some other place, some other family out there for him.”
Glad the Brady family had continued to accept and support the man she loved, Marlena confirmed that assessment, “Yes… and as bad as it was, being an Alamain gave him that… to some degree. At least he had a history….even if he couldn’t remember most of it.”
Abe chimed in too, recalling the bitter distress his best friend had expressed that first night.. “But this is a lot harder for John to handle… “
Marlena found tears forming again, tears shed for the pain her man was experiencing. It was so unfair! “Yes… it’s truly the worst case scenario… and it’s going to take a very long time for him to work it out for himself. I’m so worried about him.”
Placing a hand on her slender left shoulder, Abe redirected her attention from the fear toward what could be done to help, “Marlena.. just tell us what to do.”
“Be patient with him. Accept his confusion… understand his need to be angry… even enraged. He’s grieving. Kristen might be his sister… Evan is his younger brother… not his son, and Stefano is his biological father. John’s whole world has been turned on end… and he’s reeling from the speed of the changes. “
The memories of when it was his life that was shattered, Bo Brady attempted to express his ability to relate, ” Yea… I remember that… Look, I think we all know where he might have gone… I’m gonna go find him, and try not to worry Marlena… he’ll be okay, ” Bo said, feeling the need to leave, lightly grasping her hand on the way toward the exit.
“I know…. just listen to him, Bo… and stand by his side. Let him know that in your eyes he’s still your brother; that’s all he really needs right now.”
“That’ll never change, Marlena.. I’ll make sure he knows it.”
Gazing around the airplane’s cabin, Marlena expressed her gratitude for the concern and support of good friends, “Thank you…. thank you all so much… we wouldn’t be able to survive this without you. “
Shane expressed what the others were thinking, “Marlena.. no thanks are necessary… you should know that by now. We’re all here for both you.. whenever you need us..”
She only nodded as she wiped away a light mist from around the corners of her eyes, wondering just what they would do without them. Abe put an arm around her as Bo headed out to find the man he would always love as a brother. No matter what the historical records might indicate, John Black was in every sense that mattered, a member of the Brady family. ‘Now, if I can just convince him of that,’ Bo said to himself as he breathed a heavy sigh and started up his engine.
The Unexpected
Bart, one of Stefano’s milder henchmen, who had come along in the second limo, was confused by the swiftness of the change in their plans for the evening and asked about it as the car made the necessary turn. ” We’re heading for the Salem PD?… but boss I thought you decided you were going to let him sweat it out for while… at least overnight…”
“Yes, but I’ve changed my mind, Bart… I think that doing this tonight… will work to my advantage, rather than waiting. It will make me appear compassionate and forgiving, two words that aren’t often used in connection with the name Stefano Dimera..” he said with a sly grin, imagining the look on John’s face.
Bart spewed lukewarm coffee out of his mouth, barely containing his laughter, “Yea.. you got that right, Boss… I don’t think I’ve ever.. “
Stefano glared at his underling, stopping him mid-sentence, and spoke commandingly, “Clean that up!”
“Uh, yes sir, Mr. Dimera…. Sir…. ” Bart managed to eek out with a healthy amount of fearful respect in his tone, followed by a sigh of relief as he swiftly did what he was told. It was one thing for Stefano to make a sarcastic remark in reference to himself, another altogether for one of his minions to agree with him.
Lesson learned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just as they were all about to climb into their vehicles, the high pitched ringing of a cell phone penetrated the silence that had descended upon the gathering of friends at the small county airport just outside Salem. “Carver here,” Abe said simply.
“Abe, hey.. it’s me. We uh…. don’t have to worry about where John went,” said the concerned voice of the man who’d just left them.
“We don’t, why, Bo?” Abe asked curiously, not immediately thinking of the most logical explanation.
“He’s on his way downtown… a couple of uniforms in a cruiser nailed him for speeding and made the arrest on the murder charge. I just heard it on the radio. I tried to put in a call to them and couldn’t get through, must be out of range or something…”
It made him wince just to think of John’s state of mind at the time. “Ooh…I bet that arrest wasn’t pretty.. I sure hope he didn’t.. resist….”
Shuddering to think, Bo agreed, “Yea.. me too…but he’s probably going out of his mind… “
Letting out a worried sigh, Abe replied in kind, “Yes.. and we both know he didn’t do it… but what happened tonight..”
“Right.. we’re all going to be forced to testify as to his state of mind… his behavior… everything… damn!”
“My sentiments exactly… we’ll meet you down there, Bo…”
“Sounds good… and tell Marlena… that he’s okay and not to worry too much…”
“Sure… I’ll tell everyone else…. and we’ll be there as soon as we can… Bo.. tell him… tell him we’re on his side and we all know he didn’t do it..”
“Don’t worry I will. See you soon boss.”
“Okay… goodbye Bo..”
Marlena couldn’t wait.. but she’d guessed, “He was arrested for supposedly killing that man on the pier, wasn’t he?”
“Yes… he’s on his way to the jail…I’m sorry, Marlena… but you knew it had to come sooner or later…” he said ushering her and Shane toward his car.
“But he didn’t do it, Abe… we all know he didn’t kill anyone… and he’s already so upset… and now… you’ll have to testify against him. Oh Abe, be honest with me.. if the evidence is even slightly convincing, he doesn’t stand a chance…does he?”
Abe didn’t want to think about it yet, and avoided the subject by changing her focus, while climbing into the driver’s seat. “Marlena.. let’s not get ahead ourselves here… we’re a long way from that… for tonight… let’s just try to concentrate on being there for him, and we’ll deal with all of that tomorrow… okay?”
She nodded tearfully, gracefully wiping away her tears with the backs of her hands before entering the vehicle that would take her to see the man she loved.. behind bars… As she took a seat on the passenger side, the memories of another terrible time came rushing back to her mind’s eye… ‘Oh John… I know how you suffered in Aremid… you were trying to make everyone else believe you were fine… but I know that it was horrible for you to be locked up….and now… with everything else that’s happening…. it has to be so much worse..’
Seeing the pain in her face and moist eyes, Abe reached over to give her hand a reassuring squeeze, just as he started down the road. “We’ll be there for him, and he’ll be alright. “
“He’s right, Marlena… John can get through this and we’ll find what we need to clear him… please try to believe that…. ” added Shane, who had remained conspicuously quiet, his deductive mind working out possible scenarios to accomplish that very goal.
Again she nodded, thankful for the support of good friends. The rest of the ride was made in silence, each with their private thoughts about the incident they’d just witnessed and their concerns about what might lay ahead for John and all the people who loved him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Black, the accused, watched with strange detachment as the female officer dabbed each fingertip in the black ink and then rolled them on the fingerprint card. Damn! How could it have happened again? Arrested for something he didn’t do, had no motive to do, but for which all the evidence collected at the crime scene pointed to his guilt? Dimera!! It has to be him! Who else would want the guy dead and jump at the chance to point the finger at me? Damn him…..how could I possibly originate from someone like that?
Immersed in rumination as the cuffs were placed around his wrists again for a walk down the hall, he didn’t hear the woman he loved calling out his name, at least not the first time. She said it louder, “John… honey… are you alright?”
“Doc… ” he heaved a heavy sigh, swiftly turning to face her, shaking his head in self recrimination, but trying to find a smile for her, “I’m so sorry about all of this… you don’t deserve this. I should have seen it coming, but I was blinded by my anger toward that miserable bastard. “
She rushed over and hugged him as close as the officer would allow, wishing he could put his arms around her too. “Don’t blame yourself, honey… I know you didn’t do it… and so does everyone else who loves you. It’s going to work out alright.”
“Just like Aremid, huh?” he said as she drew back, a sardonic smile making its way across his ruggedly handsome face.
“No, John… it won’t get that far,” she replied as her moist eyes met his. Marlena wanted to say something else to reassure him, but knowing there wasn’t anything, she reached out to touch his face, lovingly caressing his whiskered cheek as silent gesture of comfort.
An unexpected but all too familiar noise captured their full attention, with only a handful of words. “No.. it most surely won’t,” said a man standing behind Marlena, who instantly whirled around to face him, shocked by his presence, if not his statement.
“Stefano! What in the hell are you doing here?” John finally asked, his eyes wide with shock, when he could think of something to say in response to the man’s surprise appearance.
“I came to set you free…. my son.” Marlena gasped and despite the handcuffs restricting him, instinctively stepped in front of John, her gaze immediately directed toward her husband, hoping he wouldn’t explode at the man’s use of the term.
Anger erupted at the mere suggestion that he might accept help from the bastard, “Don’t you call me that! Don’t you EVER call me that Old Man!” he shouted, desperately wishing he could break free of the two officers, appearing out of nowhere, who now restrained him, and especially the tight metal bracelets that held his arms behind his back.
Stefano smiled wickedly, his dark eyes glinting with satisfaction at having the power to make the man react so strongly, enjoying the opportunity to watch him burn with helpless rage. “I should think you might speak to me with more respect, John. After all I am the man responsible for getting the murder charge dropped.”
Simultaneously, eyes wide, aghast at the notion, the couple expressed their utter disbelief in what they thought they had heard, “What ?”
Again he smiled and then offered an explanation, to them and to the questioning eyes of the two policemen, “Alas… one of my men… confessed and, of course, I was compelled to come forward in your defense. I just told Detective Brady and Commander Carver… as soon as they finish the paperwork, you can go home, with your lovely wife and your.. three adorable children.”
“Don’t do me any favors Dimera!” John said, turning away from the man and wishing he could say something crude. Mindful of his wife’s more tender spirit, he kept the, ‘Go fuck yourself!’ kind of comments to himself.
“John… it is not a favor… it is simply… the right thing to do, is it not?” Stefano asked, relishing the man’s extreme discomfort in being at a disadvantage, needing the help, all the while looking as though he wanted to rip his unlikely savior’s head off.
There had to be some other motive, some grand plan–there always was. Leaning around the two women, John confronted it, “Alright Dimera… so what’s the catch… what do you want from me?”
He shook his head…. “Nothing, John…”
John was shaking his head too, studying the man’s dark mysterious eyes and facial expression. He was cold as ice. There was nothing to indicate his true motives. “Nah… I don’t buy it.. come on, Stefano…. I’ll figure it out sooner or later, so you might as well tell me right now. What are you expecting in return?
“Nothing, John….really, it was simply my duty as a citizen of our fair city to come forward with what I knew, and it resulted in the charges being dropped. Nothing more.”
John balked, and told the story as he saw it shaping up, “You mean you paid your man off. So, how much did you promise him for doing the time, Stefano?” When the man didn’t answer, John discounted the need to know, “Well, it doesn’t matter…whatever you’ve got in mind, it’s not gonna happen, Dimera. I’m not letting you into my life or Evan’s. I don’t care what the damn DNA test says. Evan is MY son now… and I don’t want you anywhere near him!” John warned, his eyes a cold metallic blue.
“I could challenge you in court, John…”
A chortling laugh escaped as he envisioned a court battle between them. “Ha… right.. like you’d stand a chance in hell of getting custody,” John scoffed.
Stepping closer, Stefano set down the challenge, “Ah, John… but you have forgotten… I have been pardoned. There are no criminal charges on my record and I have acted as a model citizen since our return with the cure for Roman Brady, have I not? And here I am…. soon after finding out about our kinship ties… voluntarily coming to the aide of my former enemy by turning in my own employee to save him. I should think that might play well in the courtroom. Wouldn’t you, son?”
He paused momentarily and added a warning of his own, “You on the other hand, have been nothing but threatening towards me since you learned of your parentage… aiming a loaded gun at me. You might well have killed me tonight if your friends hadn’t arrived when they did. I am still… considering pressing charges against you for that.”
John was sick with stunned disbelief. The man was amazingly thorough, his timing impeccable, but how in the hell did he manage to pull it off so perfectly? “Oh, you son of a bitch! You set this whole damn thing up.. the murder charge.. what happened on the plane… and then this little publicity stunt. Damn you, Dimera!”
Stefano couldn’t resist the urge to laugh, cognizant that every word the angry man just said was true as spoken. Still, as expected, he denied it quite pleasantly, “John, John, John… you really do have a vivid imagination, but on the contrary… that could not be further from the truth.”
His haunting laughter echoed off the concrete walls, immersing John in bitter memories of times past. “No… no, it won’t work, Old Man! They’ll see right through you, Stefano!” he cried, struggling in vain to reach his tormentor, wondering just how it was that the man could continue to interfere in his life the way he did. “You lousy bastard… it won’t work,” he said, feeling the frustration mounting.
“Old Man… ah you see…. there is it is again…. in any case we shall see, won’t we *son*” he said, emphasizing the term of endearment yet again. Waiting until there were several witnesses within earshot, watching as the handcuffs were removed at Abe’s signal, Stefano added more sweetness and light which didn’t ring true. ” I wasn’t there when you were growing up, John… but I’m so glad I can be here for you now, when you really need my.. help. It is in difficult times like these that the value of family ties seems so much greater.”
Hearing the demented bastard express such phony sentiment made the former prisoner want to throw up, the bile rising up from his gut. John didn’t hesitate to say so, “Oh, God.. I think I’m gonna be sick…. Let’s go, Doc,” he said, glaring angrily at the man while rubbing his aching wrists. He couldn’t get away from Stefano too soon.
‘Damn… I should have killed him while I had the chance,’ John was saying to himself as he turned around to take his leave. A voice inside his head asked him point blank. It was the voice of his biological father, taunting him, as he so often did, ‘Why didn’t you, John…. you were the one who held the power over life and death…. you could have pulled the trigger at any time before the others came… what stopped you?’ It was almost as if the man himself were speaking to him. Instinctively, John turned around to look at Stefano, but his unfeeling eyes were inscrutable, his face unreadable. Suppressing a shudder at the thought of mental telepathy, John turned his attentions back to his wife and good friends who were nearby.
A delighted smile creeping across the dark features of his face, Stefano Dimera stood in the hallway of the Downtown Precinct of the Salem Police Department and watched the couple go, walking away arm in arm, flanked by their best friends. Everything was working out splendidly thus far, just the way he planned it, as usual. John Black was constantly being thrown off balance, and that was the way it would stay. Until one day, when he least expected it to happen, John would be compelled to embrace his natural heritage as a member of the Dimera line.
It was his destiny.
Late Night Pondering
Not certain how or even *if* he should broach the subject, Bart hemmed and hawed as he watched Stefano cross the foyer and enter the living room. “Uh boss… I uh…”
“What, Bart… what is it?” Stefano replied, impatient with his underling’s hesitancy of late.
“Well, I was wondering about something….” Bart answered, while taking a step or two closer to his superior.
“Yes, Bart.. spit it out… ” Stefano replied, clearly irritated.
“Well, sir it’s about John Black…. I was wondering… did you mean what you said back there at the jail…. do you really want him to be a part of your life?”
Stefano nodded firmly while pouring himself a drink…. “Yes, I do… John is my son, at least as far as the evidence shows…. My children have always been very important to me… you know that, Bart. Therefore, if John *is* my son… then I owe it myself and to John… to… how shall I say…. attempt to… ‘make things right,’ just as I have done with my beautiful Alexandra.”
“Sir… no disrespect intended but John Black hates you… he tried to kill you tonight, boss…. Don’t you think that makes it just a little tougher in his case?”
“No… I must have missed that… you idiot! Of course it’s going to be more difficult. That means I have to work that much harder to win his…. respect, his… affection. “
“And you have a plan for this…” This I have got to see!‘ he was thinking.
Putting something together in his own mind more completely, Stefano turned from staring out the window and said, “Bart, let me ask you something. Why did John fail to kill me tonight?”
Thinking it was obvious, Bart didn’t hesitate to answer this time, “Uh… let me guess, because his wife and friends showed up in time to stop him?”
Shaking his head, Stefano continued to press for an accurate picture. “Before that… he had more than enough time, Bart, if he really wanted to shoot me, he could have, but the fact is, he didn’t. Again, I ask you why?”
“Because he…. didn’t really… want to?” Bart offered tentatively.
“Correct. You see…..John wanted to destroy what I represent…. the darkness in his own soul, Bart, a side of him that concerns him greatly. Now, he knows the true source of it…. but he also knows that from the same source comes his strength and confidence, his perseverance in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, his tendency toward obsession when there is something he truly desires….”
“But he didn’t want to kill you… “
“No…on the contrary… Yes, he’s angry… and hurt… but most of all he’s afraid.”
Bart wasn’t following his superior and his face indicated his bewilderment, “Afraid.”
“Terrified would be a better word for it.”
That almost made him laugh. “John Black, terrified? Of what exactly?” Bart asked, plopping himself down on the couch, hoping for a good story.
“Of becoming like me…. but, at the same time… he finally has the truth about his past, about his heritage, something he has craved ever since the day he lost his identity as Roman Brady.”
“And…”
“And, there is a part of him…. one he doesn’t like to admit is there… that wants to know more…. to understand… to share in that heritage.”
“Are you sure about this?”
Glancing around the room, imagining what it would be like to have John at his side again, Stefano Dimera nodded and smiled with anticipation of the moment in which his plans came to fruition, “Positive, Bart…. mark my words…he will come to me…. for answers to his questions… and one day…. for more than that.”
“And what is that, Boss?”
“For love… he will come to me, for the Father’s love and the family ties he never had.”
Bart couldn’t hide his astonishment at the words his boss had just spoken. “Your sworn enemy, John Black, will turn to you….. because he wants the Daddy he never had growing up? Now THAT I have to see!”
Raising his glass as if to make a toast, Stefano replied with a self satisfied grin, “All in good time, Bart, all in good time.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back at the Brady Pub, thankful for their wonderful Chelsea, who loved the children almost as much as their parents, John and Marlena sat down to relax and talk about the events of the evening. Along side them were Bo, Hope, Abe, Lexie, Shawn, Caroline, Shane and Kimberly, whose first thought was about her adoptive brother, whom she noticed looked a little worse for wear.
“John… are you sure you’re alright?” Kim asked, her concern touching him, as much as the comforting hand on his right shoulder.
He gave her a close approximation to a smile and said with a tired sigh, “Thanks Kimmer… but I’m fine… really. I just… I don’t know…. lost my cool, I guess. Don’t worry… it’s over now.”
Having thought about what Bo was saying to her over the phone, Hope chimed in, “But not from his end…. you were right John, he wants something.”
Nodding, John recalled the triumphant gleam in his enemy’s eyes, “I know…. and can you believe the nerve of that Bastard…. after everything he’s done to me, thinking I was going to thank him for letting me off the hook?” His wife could see that there was something bothering John Black, something more than his anger tinged words could express. It was in his slightly hidden eyes.
“Maybe you should have invited him over for dinner, John… for a backyard family barbecue?” Shawn joked.
Bo laughed and said, “Oh yea… and then next week, we can all go out on the boat together. Can’t you just see it?”
“Right…. we could go deep sea fishing and then stand around drinking beer and talking about the baseball scores.”
The others continued to laugh and joke about the absurdity of including Stefano Dimera in their lives. But, John drifted away, thinking back, wondering what it would have been like to have a real family like the Brady’s, or like Marlena always talked about. To feel loved and secure growing up.. to have happy memories of birthdays and holidays, Christmas trees piled high with packages, stockings hung upon the mantle. Good times, good food, good company…..
Marlena was watching him and could almost see his mind churning with misapprehension. “Honey…. are you alright? You seem…. a little distant tonight… since we left the precinct.”
Again, he attempted to smile, but couldn’t quite manage it. “I’m okay…but I think I’ll just go out by the pier and get some fresh air… if you don’t mind?” No use spoiling their fun.
With a hand on his forearm to stop his progress toward the door, she tried again to get him to open up. “Sweetie, what is it.. is it Stefano… are you worried about him interfering in our lives?”
He shook his head and walked away, lost in wistful thought. Come to think of it, he didn’t even know the date of his birth, and had never celebrated a birthday since he learned he wasn’t Roman Brady. Wait, there was a birth certificate, supposedly his, in the materials Shane brought! For some odd reason, he had a burning desire to know. John rushed down the row of wooden planks, racing toward the Jeep to search for it.
In a matter of minutes he was holding it in his hands, reading it over again. The date on it was coming up soon, only weeks away. His birthday. Even if it meant he had a different set of parents, it made him smile, and it made him shed a tear or two of joy, to find that after all these years of not knowing, he would finally have a real birthday.
Unbeknownst to him, someone overheard him say it. “Hey…. I was getting worried about you…. are you okay, John?”
“Guess what Doc… I have a birthday…. it’s in just a couple of weeks. “
“You do?” she asked, pleased to have him share something with her.
“Yea… it’s on here… my uh…. my birth certificate… see?” he said, handing it to her.
Reviewing the supposed facts of his birth circumstances she gasped and said, “Oh my…. I guess you do… and you’ll be forty five…gosh! And might I add… you look quite good for your age, sailor.”
“I do… really?” he said, a slight blush spreading across his handsome face.
“Yes, you do… honey, do you want to celebrate it?”
He shrugged uncertainly. It seemed so strange. “I don’t know… it’s just…. nice to know… that’s all… when it was… where I was born… this thing says France. I think I recognize the name of the area… it’s somewhere along the French Riviera.”
“Honey… not to change the subject here… but… is there something else on your mind tonight… you just look so…. sad.”
“I told you I’m fine, Doc…” he said as calmly as possible, not looking at her, staring out at the water instead. He was contemplative, wondering if he should attempt to explain his reaction to recent events.
“Yes, you did, but I don’t believe you,” she said, just as calmly, patiently waiting for her husband to share himself with her.
After a long silence during which he headed toward the pier while debating about what to do, he breathed a long sigh and turned to face her when they reached the water’s edge. “Alright… Doc, it’s like this… you and the Brady’s.. even Lexie and Abe… you all sit around, and you have these stories to tell… you know… about family times… Christmas, Easter… Summer vacations… “
“Birthdays?” she added, guessing at what was on his mind in particular.
“Yes… “
“And you can’t… because you don’t have any of those memories…. not any of your own, that is..”
“Right.”
“And that hurts you, doesn’t it? It hurts a lot more than you ever let on, doesn’t it, John?”
Reluctantly, he nodded and then answered her, his slightly tremulous voice so soft it was barely above a whisper, “Yea…it does, I guess. You know… all these years… I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that it doesn’t matter, that it’s okay…. and I have so much now.. so much to be thankful for. You and the kids, we have a great life together.. and I shouldn’t complain.”
Sensing there was some powerful emotion about to be expressed she said only one word, meant to draw him out, “But… “
It was so confusing, his feelings so mixed up and Marlena had this way about her. She could bring him out of his self imposed shell; she loved him so much and she knew him so well. Why wasn’t it enough? Not understanding why but needing to express it, John revealed his innermost thoughts and emotions, “But I feel so.. empty sometimes, Marlena…. like I don’t know… who I am… because I don’t…. have any of those early memories. I don’t know how I came to be the man I am today. I can’t… remember the day my Dad taught me to ride a two-wheeler… or how to throw a baseball. I don’t know if I liked peanut butter or if I ate my broccoli… or how I said the word spaghetti, or how my brother said it. I can’t remember what it was like to have my Mom hold me in her arms and tell me she loved me, even if I took a cookie when I wasn’t supposed to. I have NO memories of growing up… and I feel so… lost sometimes, Doc.” He was fighting back a lifetime of pent up feelings of loss. She watched him struggle while trying to avert his gaze, as a lone teardrop slipped out of his right eye, his head tilted downward as if he were embarrassed to have told her how he truly felt.
Her own tears flowing more freely, she reached for him, taking him in her arms, holding on tight. “Oh, baby… I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for what you missed, and I’m sorry that I haven’t… realized what it was like for you…. all this time. I took it for granted, John… my life, my growing up years… the memories.”
He didn’t want her to feel bad. That was why he never told her before, or maybe he didn’t realize how he really felt about it until the thing with Stefano came about. In any case, none of it was her fault. “It’s okay,” he said, trying to reassure her.
“No, John… it’s not okay… My God… we haven’t celebrated a birthday since you, since we…” It dawned on her that it had been eight long years. “Oh John!” she exclaimed, while at the same time stepping back slightly to look at his face.
He nodded and finished the thought, “Since we found I wasn’t Roman.”
It made her cry to think of how he must have felt.”Oh, honey…. that was so unfair… we should have.”
John was frustrated with the whole situation and snapped at her unintentionally, “We should have what… just made up a day… asked Lawrence if he could remember the date. Right! No, we had the locket and the DNA results.. but that’s all… there was nothing else,” he said, his voice trailing off.
“No, John… we should have picked a day… a day you liked in a month you enjoyed. We should have done something… why didn’t you say anything?” Her husband remained silent. Clearly he was hurting, maybe feeling resentful, but unwilling to tell her so because he didn’t want to hurt her.
“John… when I think of all those times we celebrated with the kids… all the birthday gatherings at the Brady’s.”
It smacked her in the face. All those times he’d wandered off alone… pretended to need a break from the noise of the festivities. “John… all those times… you would walk away for awhile… and come out here… was it because you were…hurting?”
He shrugged it off, “Sometimes… usually I just wondered… you know… what it would feel like… to get…presents with *my* name on them, or to wake up in the morning and have somebody… wish me a Happy Birthday.”
Cupping his face with her hands and tilting his chin up so he could gaze into her moist eyes, she apologized for what had happened over the years, “Oh, John… I’m sorry… I am SO sorry. I can’t believe we’ve gone all this time without talking about this.”
Wiping away her tears, fighting back the moisture in his own eyes, John shrugged his shoulders and discounted the pain he felt inside. “I’m okay….really.”
“Oh, John… it’s alright to admit to feeling bad about it.” Suddenly, it dawned on her exactly why he was focused on the birthday issue. This has come up because of learning that Stefano is your father, hasn’t it?”
Nodding, he replied quietly, “Yea….I guess it’s left me to wonder about a lot of things.”
“What it would be like if he raised you?” she asked instinctively knowing the source of his confusion and pain.
He shrugged again, but said nothing and looked back out toward the water.
“John… it’s okay… it’s understandable if you’re thinking about that. The one good thing Stefano tried to do was love his children. It would have been very different if he knew you were his child.”
It shocked him to hear her say it and he felt his anger flare, not wanting to admit to himself that it mattered in any way. “I know that… but I still *hate* him! I’ll *always* hate him! I’m not like Lexie, I won’t forgive him for the hell he put me through! Not now… not ever!” he said, staring at his wife, almost as if he were daring her to challenge him.
Understanding his need, she disarmed him gently, “I know that’s how you feel right now… but John.. if it changes…over time, I just want you to know that I’ll understand… and if you need to.. spend some time at the Mansion. If you want to… try to get to know him, the way that Lexie does, I won’t hold you back and I won’t condemn you for it. Okay?”
He nodded and mustered a faint smile as the tension began to ease, very grateful to have such an amazing woman in his life, a woman who loved him unconditionally. At the same time, he was wondering if there would ever come a time when he wanted something from the Old Man, if his fervent wish to see the bastard lowered into his grave would fade over time.
‘No… no it won’t, John.. don’t even let yourself think that way!’
Clearing Up Uncertainties
John was quiet on the ride home from the Pub. Marlena guessed he still needed time to make sense of recent events, so she decided not to say anything to break the silence. Finally, when they were settled in at home and having a cold drink, sitting out on the deck, John turned to her and asked her a question he was still pondering. “Doc, are you sure that nothing has changed for you?”
Nodding her head she said simply, “Yes, John… ” Then she waited for the next inquiry, having anticipated a series of them as her husband worked the issue through. It was vital but it looked to be a long night. ‘Good thing I chose the soda with caffeine.’
He had to be absolutely certain. “Knowing that I have Dimera blood running through my veins? That really doesn’t bother you ?”
She couldn’t lie…. “That’s not what I said…”
“Then say what you meant.”
“I said, the fact that Stefano Dimera is apparently your biological father, doesn’t change my love for you, or my commitment to spending the rest of my life with you.”
“Oh…” There was more to it than that and they both knew it… Putting a hand on her forearm to get her to look at him, John pressed her for it, somehow needing to know exactly where he stood with her. “But…. ” he said and waited.
She breathed a heavy sigh, realizing her answer might mark the beginning of the tension filled part of the conversation, “But…. I won’t lie to you…. yes, it upsets me…. it upsets me for a lot of reasons… most of all because I realize now that he’s going to be a part of our lives…. forever. Now that he knows you are his son, Stefano won’t ever leave us alone…”
Gazing out over the lake behind the house, she found herself thinking how nice it would be to sail away, so far away from everything related to that obsessive manipulator. But that was wishful thinking, and exactly what she had to make John realize about some of things he’d been saying lately.
“And? Come on, Doc… we’ve vowed total honesty here…. especially where Dimera’s concerned,” he said, turning her to face him again.
“Alright… alright… if you insist… but it won’t make any difference. It never has before, John… The truth is… I’m afraid he’s going to hurt you.”
Shaking his head, he negated her concern, “He can’t hurt me anymore, Doc…. those days are over…. “
“Oh, John….how I wish that were true…. but he *can* hurt you…. because he knows you *so* well… better than you even know yourself…. and he’ll use that knowledge to draw you in… to lure you into his world.”
An image flashed in his head, the two of them were standing next to each other, arms around each other’s shoulders, sharing a laugh. Was it a memory or just something created in his mind as a result of what his wife had said? Feeling like he was going to jump out of his skin at the mere thought of it, John practically flew out of his chair, “No…no… Marlena… that will *never* happen…… I told you, Doc, I HATE him!” he said, raising his voice to a shout.
“Yes, yes you did… but he’s your father, John… a link to your past, to your heritage. Can you stand there and deny that you want to know more about it?”
“Marlena, I told you… I don’t *care* about any of that anymore. I just… I want us to move on, to raise our children and forget all about Dimera.”
This time she was the one shaking her head, sighing in exasperation as she stood up to face him, “John… he’s your Father, and Evan’s too! Do you really think you can just forget about it? He surely won’t… he won’t let you forget it for a second, John!”
She sounded angry, and he already felt so bad about dragging her into his mess… without having found out more about his past.. ” Dammit! I wish you would stop saying that! I don’t *want* him to be my father… I’ll *never* think of him that way! And he’s not taking Evan….. Evan belongs with us… I’m going to raise him as *our* son.”
“But he’s not! Evan is *not* your son, John… and one day you’re going to have to tell him that… you’re going to have to tell him that Stefano Dimera, a man you hate with every part of your soul, is his father and that *you* are his older brother. Are you prepared for that?”
He shut his eyes tight… blocking out the images her words created in his mind… scenes of angry words, his son feeling betrayed by a man he loved and trusted. Through labored breaths, his voice shaky, he said what she needed to hear and then issued what seemed like a challenge, “When the time comes, yes… I’ll tell him… what he needs to know…. but we’re keeping him. There’s no way in *hell* that Dimera is going to get his hands on that sweet little boy. Are you with me there?”
“Yes, of course, I am, John.. I agree with you completely, Stefano cannot be allowed to raise Evan… but it’s you I’m worried about, John… this is putting such a strain on you.”
Looking away, not wanting to see that fear in her eyes, fear he kept putting there… fear that Stefano created in the first place, John denied that truth that seemed so obvious to her. “No, I’m okay…. tonight was just….”
She put a hand on his shoulder, and softened her voice, realizing one of them needed to remain calm. “Tonight was real, John…it was serious, and we need to talk about it.”
Her husband still wouldn’t look at her and then he tried to discount the significance of his actions, “No… there’s nothing more to say about it, Doc. I wanted him dead… but it didn’t happen, end of story.”
“No… it doesn’t end there, John… and you know it. What about now? How do you feel about him now?”
“I still want him dead.”
“Do you, John… do you really?” she said, her tone and body language confrontational.
“What is that supposed to mean?” he said almost glaring at her, frustrated that she too seemed to know him better than he knew himself.
“I mean, I think that if you really wanted him dead, you would have shot him, John.”
With furrowed brow, he scrutinized her expression before replying, “And…what else… I can see it in your eyes… there’s more you want to say…what is it?”
“I think it was about wanting to kill what he symbolizes to you.”
“Oh, and what might *that* be, Doctor Evans?”
“The pain he’s caused you… and the darkness you see in yourself….. Now that you know where it comes from, you want to destroy it. A part of you believes that if you kill him, your suffering will end and the darkness will simply… go away.”
Without a word, John jumped off the deck and started down toward the water. Turning back toward her, he argued the point, “No… that’s not it, Doc…you’re wrong! You’ve got it all wrong!”
“Do I? Be honest with yourself, John…. look at how you’ve been acting ever since you learned the truth about Stefano being your father…. you’re hurting, John.. a lot, and you’re angry, but you don’t really want him dead.”
Now he was screaming mad, and more than a little unnerved by what she was saying, “So, just what DO I want, Doctor…. since you’re into reading minds tonight… why don’t you tell me that!”
Again she sighed, irritated with having been put in this position, yet at the same time, cognizant that this confrontation was vital to his ability to cope with the changes. She descended the stairs, taking her time so that his ire could cool a bit before she made her reply.
He was staring at the ground when she approached him. Touching him on the upper arm, to capture his attention, she spoke quietly, “John… honey, I’m not doing this to upset you… but I think it’s important for you to recognize what’s happening, and how you really feel. John, I think that a part of you… wants to know him…. to understand him so that you can better understand yourself. Just like you were saying down on the pier. You want answers to your questions… and he has some of them. You need them so that you can figure out who you really are, John. Therefore, you can’t kill him.”
He said nothing, shaking his head and shutting his suddenly moist eyes to avoid meeting hers. Was she right? Was that the reason he hadn’t pulled the trigger when he had the chance?
“What scares me the most is that Stefano knows all that, John, and he is fully prepared to trade on it.”
When her husband finally looked at her, his face bore an expression of stunned comprehension, as if a revelation had occurred. “So what you’re saying is.. I was right.. he set the whole thing up? He wanted me to come after him and try to kill him, just so I would…. realize that I… couldn’t? Not if I wanted answers.”
“Yes….”
Taking a moment to consider it, he stepped away, then shared his reaction, “That’s sick! And just like him…” John was silent for a moment or two longer, staring out over the water, thinking about what it all meant and what the future now held in store. Should he turn his back, let it all go and move on with his life, or was there something he needed from Stefano? “So, he’s raised the stakes.”
“Yes….what are you going to do about it, John?”
“I’m gonna stay in the game…and keep on playing. I’m going to raise the bet, Doc.. “
Her eyes told him she knew that would be the outcome of their conversation and then she gave her take on the situation. “And so it begins..” she said with a weary sigh, fighting back the tears of worry, resigned to their shared fate.
“I’m sorry, Doc… I’m so sorry. I wish I could spare you what this might mean.”
She nodded. Whatever came, Marlena wanted him to know they would face it together, but that didn’t mean she had to like it. “I’m sorry too, John…. for you, for me…and for the children… but I do understand. You have to know.. and no matter what happens, I’ll be standing by your side.”
Tears of joy welled up behind the blue, when he saw in her glistening hazel eyes that she meant every word she said. “What did I ever do to deserve having you in my life?” he asked, as he took her in the strength of his arms. She melted into his embrace, thankful for the depth of the love they shared.
“Nothing…. just lucky I guess..” she said with a funny kind of smirk.
He smiled. “Thought so…”
And then he kissed her. Pausing for permission, his hands moved to undress her, slowly unfastening the buttons on her silky blouse. “Well… maybe I can… help you to… remember why you… put up with me… and my… mixed up past.”
“Oh, I’d like that… I’d like that very much, honey…”
“Good.” He kissed her fiercely, as his fingers found the buttons on her skirt and swiftly divested her of that outer garment. “I love you, Doc… I love you so much.” Soon, all that was left to cover her slender figure were her bra and panties, a sight that made him swoon. “Oh, Marlena… you are SO beautiful!” he whispered, barely able to contain his aching need. He cupped the delicate features of her face between his hands, gazing deeply into her moist eyes, hoping she could see in his, the power of his love for her. And then he leaned in for a gentle caressing kiss.
Her hands were on his pants, working on the belt, pleased to know she still had such a strong effect on the man. “And I love you… now and forever…. no matter what your name turns out to be… you’re the man of my dreams.”
The bra was gone and his hands were heading toward the panties, as he groaned with desire, “Oh, you know just what to say to make me *crazy* for you, pretty lady,” he said with breathless anticipation.
“Thought so…” She was beaming.
He picked her up and headed for the cabana. “In about one minute, I’m gonna show you just *how* crazy.”
“Ooh… please do, my love… please do.”
John Black was a man of his word. Exactly 59 seconds later they were on the couch in the throws of heated passion. “Ooh… I really do make you crazy….” she said, massaging his throbbing manhood.
“Oh, yea…..” he said as he leaned over her, drinking in the sight of her sexy form and breathing in the sweet enticing aroma of her perfume mixed with her natural scent. Happy Anniversary, baby!” he said, as he wrapped his arms around her and prepared to join with her in body and soul.
She giggled at the sentiment, “That was two weeks ago, honey…”
“I know… but I’m still celebrating!” he said, as his hands gently massaged her breasts and his lips hovered over hers, preparing to take her breath away.
“Oh ho….. a man well trained is a man who is satisfied.” Sparkling blue met dazzling hazel and exchanged unspoken volumes, and then he kept his promise and left her breathless.
Between planting kisses down the length of her sexy body, his hands stimulating her desire, John assured her that was definitely the case where this man was concerned “Very…. very…. *very*… satisfied….” At that point, conversation stopped in favor of the pursuit of sweet ecstasy.
Mood Indigo
The cheerful sound of birds chirping outside the window was comforting to her ears as she slowly awakened, feeling better than she had in the two weeks since they heard the news. Sweet memories of making love with her sexy, passionate husband drifted by and she turned toward his side of the bed, reaching out for him.
Marlena Evans-Black let out a soft sigh when her hand touched nothing but an empty spot. For a moment or two, she laid back down against the feather pillows, wondering where he might be this time. ‘Oh, John… I know this is hard on you. I just hope… that you can find a way to settle with it somehow.’
She suppressed a shudder when she felt a familiar ominous chill run up and down the length of her spine, as an image of a smiling Stefano with his arm draped comfortably over his son’s shoulders, appeared in her mind unbidden. He would do everything in his power to make John a part of his life, to bring him into his world, and it frightened her to the depths of her soul.
For all his protestations, John desperately needed something from Stefano, beyond the factual information he’d been seeking ever since he learned for certain that he was not Roman Brady. Without the solid foundation of family ties, John was in a sense a lost soul, a lonely sailor cast out to sea without an anchor. Marlena knew she had been that missing anchor in many ways, and yet there was a part of him that needed to have a heritage, a history on which to rely.
Stefano Dimera was the only one who could provide any kind of family legacy. Marlena fought the bile that threatened to rise up from her gut when she thought of how that despicable man would play on John’s feeling of being rootless in the world. And how he would twist words and manipulate the situation to his advantage, creating conditions whereby his “son” would have an ongoing need to come to him. Stefano would dole out bits and pieces of John’s past to lure him in, almost like crumbs of food placed strategically along a well worn trail, leading a hungry animal straight into a trap.
Willing herself to rise, she rolled to her right and climbed out of bed, padding toward the chair on which her robe was laying. Wrapping it around her bare shoulders, she headed into the bathroom, and chuckled as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her hair was a tousled mess, but it brought a satisfied smile to the face of this bride of one year and two weeks. John said he loved her looking like that, he’d missed seeing her first thing in the morning when they weren’t together, and asked her to leave it that way on Saturday mornings. “Please, Doc… just for a little while,” he’d often say pleadingly, all the while flashing her with those gorgeous baby blues she never could resist.
“Alright honey,” she would reply in a sultry voice, fluttering her eyelids. “When you look at me that way, I can’t deny you anything.” And then he would take her in his arms and kiss her with great passion. Her hair would get even messier for awhile after that.
After making use of the facilities and washing her hands, she went on down to see if he was roaming about in the kitchen.
As she approached the door to the deck, her eyes fell upon a sweet sight. He was sitting on one of the wooden loungers, gazing out over the lake at the early morning sun, and holding Evan in the strength of his massive arms. It was a portrait of contrasts. This big, ultra masculine man, cradling a tiny boy with such intimate tenderness. She wanted to etch that poignant image in her mind forever.
While studying John for a moment or two, she realized that he was weeping, softly, without much sound, but crying nonetheless, and it broke her heart. He never talked about the pain, but she knew. Not wanting to intrude, and at the same time wishing to provide support and comfort, she stood behind him in silence, thinking he would soon sense her presence and turn toward her.
Apparently lost in the powerful emotions which swept through him, he didn’t seem to notice her standing there. Slowly, she approached him, gently placing her slender hands upon his slightly hunched shoulders. He startled and she whispered in his ears, “Hi.. you’re up early today…”
He swiped at his eyes with his left forearm and then tilted his head back, thankful for her patience and her undemanding nature. “Yea.. I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. Then I heard Evan stirring, so I went and got him his bottle.”
“Thank you… I appreciate the extra sleep this morning. Somebody wore me out last night,” she said, moving around to sit on the edge of his chair, hoping to coax a smile out of hiding.
It worked for just a moment. “You liked that, did you?”
“Oh, you could say that. You, my oh so sexy husband, are an incredible lover.”
He smiled again but his eyes were far away, his mind already drifting back toward what was disturbing him when she arrived on the scene.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
At first he only shook his head and moved away, standing up and leaning on the wooden railing, still holding Evan close to his body. “I don’t know, Doc..”
“Only if you want to, but some people tell me I’m a pretty good listener, you know?”
He laughed at that one. “Really and I’d have never guessed it.”
“Honest… they do. Some of them even pay me.”
Turning in her direction, John agreed, albeit somewhat reluctantly, “Well then, guess I shouldn’t pass up the chance.” She had this knack for getting him to open up. Why fight it?
They sat together in companionable silence for awhile, enjoying the soft cooing sounds Evan was making. Having taken his bottle, he was content. His belly was full and he was warm and comfortable, and apparently well on his way back to sleep.
“He’s so beautiful, John,” Marlena said, putting a hand on his back and looking over his shoulder at the little boy wrapped so carefully in a small blanket
“Yea…. he really is.” His eyes went shut and he breathed a heavy sigh, which spoke to her as meaningfully as any words ever could.
“It still hurts, doesn’t it?”
His head went down, but not before she saw his eyes fill with tears again. She wanted to take him in her arms, to hold him and love him, to kiss the pain away, but Marlena realized that wouldn’t work. So, she kept her impulses in check and waited for him to talk to her.
Finally, when she didn’t think she could handle the silence for a second longer, he gave a slight nod of his head and said in a raspy whisper, “Yea… it does.”
“We’ve never talked about it.”
He stood up again, scooping up his bundle, and moving a few feet away from her, toward the deck railing, before he replied. Explaining it for himself as much as for the sake of his wife, he said, “She hurt you. She hurt you *so* much, Marlena. Only I never saw it until it was almost too late. I didn’t think I had a right to feel anything about it.”
“John… oh, honey, you know better than that.” Marlena ached for him, having wondered about how he truly felt all this time. She found herself wishing she had pushed him a little harder when it first happened.
Nodding his head lightly, John agreed, “You’re right, I do. I don’t know why I never told you. I guess maybe I thought that if I didn’t talk about it or even think about what Kristen did to me, I could forget about it and just move on. “
“And you did… you moved on with me. We were back together and you had Belle and Brady and everything seemed perfect.”
“It was. It really *was* perfect,” he said, looking right at her this time, wanting to make sure she understood that their life together was what mattered most.
It suddenly struck her what was going on inside his head and she voiced it. “John, were you…. are you worried…. that if you talk about feeling hurt by what she did, if you tell me that you still wish Evan was your son, that it’s going to upset me? Did you think that it would hurt *us* somehow?”
He was so quiet and he wasn’t looking at her, which meant that he was thinking, carefully considering his answer. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Marlena knew instinctively that if this was going to happen at all, it had to be in his time, on his terms, or he’d shut down again.
A long drawn out sigh was all he could manage. It was overwhelming how quickly things had changed. In the space of a year and a half, he found out that his lover, the woman he planned to marry was a lying, scheming bitch who hurt his best friend, the woman he truly loved deep in his heart. He also learned that the baby he thought was his son was never his to love at all– the innocent child was yet another aspect of her web of deception. And just when his life seemed to have settled down, when he was beginning to feel safe and content in his marriage to Marlena, he was informed that his former captor and constant tormentor was his natural father. And therefore, that wicked other woman was his half-sister.
Unable to contain her own need to provide some sort of comfort, Marlena touched him, placing her arms around his waist from behind and snuggling up close. “John… honey, I know that it’s all been a lot to handle and you’re hurting. Please… share it with me. Don’t hold back because you think you’re going to upset me. I think you know that you *need* to talk about this, and I’ll be just fine.”
The salty liquid threatened once again, and after a valiant struggle to contain the moisture, he turned to face her, at arms’ length. “Okay… you’re right, Marlena.” Gently caressing the top of Evan’s soft round head with his left hand, he told her, “I love this little boy… and in my heart… he’s still *my* son, my baby boy. What Kristen did.. that cut me to the core because I believed in her. I never saw it coming because I so *desperately* wanted to make a family for myself when I thought I could never have a life with you.”
It brought tears to her eyes to realize all the mistakes they’d made, the suffering they endured, all because they were trying to help each other find the happiness that had eluded them both for so long. “Oh John… I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. I wish I would have told you how I felt and about everything I knew, everything that I suspected.”
He shook his head, “No, don’t do that… don’t apologize, Marlena. You did what you thought was right. I don’t blame you for any of it. She manipulated both of us for her own selfish gain.”
“You’re right, she did. Go on, honey…”
After another weary sigh, he continued, beginning to recognize that this was an important conversation, long overdue, “Okay… I knew when Susan died that I would have legal custody. I was sad that she was gone, that this little guy would never know her, but I was *so* happy that I was gonna get to raise him as my own. I couldn’t love him any more if I were his real father. And now… I come to find out that not only am I *not* his biological father.” His voice began to crack and tremble with emotion, as he spoke of the hardest part, “I’m his.. brother and the man I *hate* with every part of my soul is a father to both of us. I don’t… know… how to… deal with that, Doc. I don’t know if I can.”
It broke her heart to hear the agony in his voice, to see the pain on his face and in his eyes which suddenly seemed almost gray instead of their customary bright blue. They had both suffered so much at the hands of the Dimera family. The thought of having to tell Evan that John was not his Daddy, that Stefano was his biological father and John was instead his older brother, was tearing her husband apart. She felt his pain as if it were her own.
“I wish I had an answer for you, a way to fix this, John, but I don’t. All I know to do is to love you and tell you to believe in the power of that love, and in your love for Evan. We will raise him, as long as the courts allow and when the time comes to tell him the truth, we will do it together. And we’ll give him all the love and support we can to help him deal with it too. “
“I just… I really want him to be mine, Doc… You can’t know how *badly* I wanted him to be mine!”
“Oh, I know, baby… I know… Let me hold you… will you please let me hold you, John?” Marlena extended her arms to him, tears of empathy streaming down her face as she willed him to accept her support.
Her husband looked at her sadly, his head slightly cocked to the right, his eyes brimming with unshed tears as he glanced briefly at Evan, a shuddering breath escaping his mouth. Her heart melted. He was so vulnerable, so in need of her unconditional love and she would give it without hesitation. John set the sleeping baby down on the lounge chair and folded into her embrace, burying his head in the comfort of her ample bosom. And then he wept with childlike innocence, allowing the grief to wash over him for the first time since that fateful day when Kristen’s house of lies came tumbling down around them both.
Secondary Shock Waves
It was a beautiful summer night, a cool breeze rustling the open curtains, with a soft hazy moon and light cloud cover. And yet, there was a familiar feeling of foreboding in the air that surrounded her as she tried to fall asleep. John was already sleeping. She watched him for a moment or two, pleased to see that he was tired enough to rest, and wondering if he would ever come to a true sense of peace about his identity as the son of his greatest enemy. Or for that matter if she would.
As she pulled the covers up over herself, she shivered, sensing that something was wrong, terribly wrong. And at the center of her being Marlena knew the source of her unease. Stefano Dimera, a human incarnation of evil in its purest form, was making plans to lure John into his dark world. For all his protestations to the contrary, her husband was in a vulnerable state, and therefore, a perfect subject for Stefano’s particular brand of mind games.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The images were hazy but the feeling was very clear. There was an evil presence and it was fighting for control, striving to take him away from her. She wouldn’t let it win. The devil had tried to take her soul and John trusted in God to help him save her. Marlena vowed to do the same for him in return, protect him from devil’s servant.
The voice was so cold, so calculating. “He is MY son and I will claim him. I will bring him into the fold and there is nothing *you* can do about it. John belongs in my world. It is only a matter of time, Marlena… you know it and on some level, he must realize it as well.”
She tugged on John’s right arm, willing him to look back at her, to turn away from the darkness. “No… no, I won’t let you take him from me!”
John didn’t turn toward her; he was staring intently into his father’s dark eyes as if in a trance or under a spell of some sort. Stefano laughed at her feeble attempt, “Don’t try to fight the inevitable. In the end, you will lose…and he will break your heart. Ha ha ha!”
Again she pulled on his arm and pleaded with her husband, “John, honey… listen to me… he wants to take you and Evan away from me, from Belle and Brady and everyone else you love. Please, John, turn around and look at me. Don’t go with him!”
He spoke without looking at her. “It’s alright, Doc… I can handle it. I know what I’m doing. You have to trust me.”
“I do, I do trust you, John. But he’s so evil, honey. He’ll lie to you and manipulate you, just like he’s doing with Lexie. Please, John… turn away from him, walk away from the past and make your future with me and our children.”
At last he turned and looked at her, but when he did, the smile on his face seemed false and his tone was patronizing, “Don’t worry so much, Marlena. I just need to learn about my heritage, where I came from, and put it into perspective, and then it’ll all be over, Doc. We can have the future you want, the life we both want.”
“John, think about Evan, he wants to take him from you. Stefano is going to work his way into your life, but if he can’t win you over, he’ll try to take Evan away by using his influence. You know he will. Let it go, John.”
“I’m sorry, Doc.. but I really can’t do that… he’s my father and the truth is, I love him.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She awakened with a start, not certain whether she’d heard the last line correctly. Trembling from the aftereffects, Marlena looked up into a pair of caring blue eyes and sighed with relief. “Oh, John.. honey, I just had the most horrible dream! It was so real. He’s evil, John… you have to stay away from him. Please.”
Scooting up close to her, John caressed her cheeks and stroked her golden hair, hoping to calm and reassure her. “Hey, hey…shh… Marlena, we’ve talked about this. That was just a dream. I’m going to be fine and so is Evan. Dimera can’t manipulate me if I don’t allow it.”
“Honey, you know how he plays on people’s emotions. John he has this way of reeling people in. He knows how much you’ve missed having a family and a heritage, and he’ll use that to every advantage.”
“Doc, come on… I’ve got his number. I know what he’s planning, and it’s not going to happen that way. I want nothing to do with his world ” Within a few seconds John was almost finished dressing, all that remained was to put on his boots. He’d been contemplating the visit for about an hour.
“That’s what Lexie thought too and look at what happened to her. She’s over there all the time, it’s even starting to cause problems in….”
Marlena stopped short and he completed the thought. “The marriage… is that true, Doc? Are Abe and Lexie having problems, because of Stefano?”
“I’m sorry, my mistake. I meant to say that…”
He was taken aback. “I don’t believe this! Abe never said a word to me about it, that Dimera was coming between him and Lexie.”
“Maybe he didn’t want to upset you, make you believe he thought the same thing would happen to you, to us. You know, since you just found out about Stefano being your father. Maybe he was being.. protective.”
He replied somewhat absently, his mind on something else, “Yea, maybe that’s it…” She was watching him closely, almost able to see the gears turning inside his head. He was making plans too.
“Anyway, I’m going over there today. I want to see what kind of proof he has. I have to know for sure if it’s true, Doc.”
“No, John, please don’t go.”
“Don’t worry so much, I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself, Doc.” His smile was so much like the one in her dream that it made her shiver.
“But John..”
He silenced her with a look, and said one last time as he was heading out the door of their bedroom, “It was *just* a dream.”
When he was gone, she thought about it for a moment longer, remembering the way he was held spellbound by that wicked man’s dark eyes. “No, it was a nightmare John, and I’m so afraid that it was a premonition.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alexandra Carver was fast becoming frustrated. She wanted her husband to understand how she felt and what her motivations were, but all he wanted to do was to tell her give her newfound sibling and his former captor, also Lexie’s biological father, a wide berth. “Lexie, I want you to stay out of it. This is between John and Stefano.”
Rising from their bed, her mind on how to get John to move past his blind hatred of her father, she said, “I’m sorry Abe, but I just can’t do that. John is my brother and Stefano is my father, I owe it to both of them to help them come to understand each other.”
Abe just shook his head. It was still so bizarre, this idea that Lexie and John were siblings with Stefano Dimera as their common parent. Watching her as she brushed her hair, he said, “Lexie, I know you care about both of them and you wish they would find a way to get along. I understand that, but I think you also know in your heart that it’s never going to happen. They hate each other and have for a very long time now. Just because they suddenly learn they share a biological connection doesn’t mean that’s going to change. “
“No, you’re wrong. My father doesn’t hate John and he never did.”
Abe was flabbergasted. “What? Lexie… have you forgotten that he tried to have the man killed half a dozen times–held him hostage, and then tortured and brainwashed him. Twice! How could you say that Stefano never hated John?”
“Abe, I know my father did some terrible things to him. And I’m not denying that John went through the kind of pain and suffering no one should ever have to know, because of it. But that’s all in the past, and now that Stefano knows John is his son, he would never try to harm him again. He wants to get to know him in a whole new way and I want to help with that, to find a way to convince John to see Stefano in a different light.”
Shaking his head, Abe made one last attempt, “It’s never going to happen, Lexie. Think about it for a minute. After what that man put him through, after all the pain and torture he inflicted, do you honestly believe that John could ever feel anything but hatred and contempt for his tormentor?”
She let out a long tired sigh and sat back down on the edge of the bed in the master bedroom, trying to imagine what it must be like from John’s perspective. “No, I suppose you’re right. And I would probably feel the same way if I were in his place.” Pausing to reconsider, she added, with a twinkle in her eye, “So, you think maybe I should go for getting them to stop trying to kill each other ?”
“That’d be a good start, yes…” Abe said, at the same time stifling an unexpected urge to laugh.
It was hardly amusing. John had almost gunned the monster down the other night on the man’s own private jet. If the assailant’s friends hadn’t arrived in the nick of time, Stefano would be dead and John imprisoned for first degree murder. Abe shuddered at the thought of it. It was one of his greatest fears, that one day, John would snap and go after Stefano in a blaze of raging fury, and spend the rest of his life in jail as a result. Or worse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bart watched the older man with fascination, so calm and relaxed and at the same time, so focused. He was always one step ahead of everybody else. The man was sitting down at the table in the garden, pouring a cup of coffee and taking in the morning news. Bart just couldn’t resist asking, “Boss, no disrespect intended, but just how do you know that today is the day? He hasn’t show up yet, what makes this the one?”
He smiled benignly, as if prepared to speak to a child. “Bart, when will you ever learn? I know him, better than he knows himself. It has been two days since the incident on the plane. He’s gone over it in his mind at least a dozen times by now, wondering if he could have pulled that trigger, thinking about all the things I said to him. Now, you see… he must know. He has to find out for himself if what I said was true.”
“What exactly do you mean, Stefano?”
“I mean that he has to come here, to spend time with me, in order to know if he does in fact, *need* me as I indicated. He will come under the guise of seeking information, but it will be about far more than facts. Answer me something, Bart… what has John been missing most from his life?”
“His past?”
“Yes, but what else?”
Catching on, Bart said, “A family, he’s never had his own family, he doesn’t have any memory of being raised, of growing up.”
“Ah, yes exactly.” He pointed to himself, delighting in the fact of having something over on one of his greatest enemies. “And you see, now here I am, his natural father, living right here in Salem.” Then the thought struck–that was all in the past. Stefano did not see John that way any longer, but it might take some time to make the shift in his thinking toward the man he had oft tried to destroy.
“It is inevitable that he will come to me, Bart. Because, more than anything else in his life, John wants to understand where he comes from, who he is at the deepest level of the soul. He has an empty place inside, one he has hidden quite well from most people, and it is a space that not even the great love of his life, Marlena Evans, can fill for him.”
“And you can.”
Pouring himself another cup of coffee, Stefano smiled in anticipation of the game. “Yes, I can… John doesn’t know it yet, but I am the only one who can give him what he has been searching so hard to find all these years since he learned he was not Roman Brady. In time, he will come to understand the value of blood ties, and one day, mark my words, Bart, he will genuinely embrace me as his father.”
A picture of the two men standing together with arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders, grinning over some shared joke, appeared in his mind unbidden. “I’ll have to see it to believe it, Boss.”
“You will, Bart, and sooner than you might think. Now, go and get the things I asked you to put together, would you? He’ll be here any moment.”
The underling knew his place. Bart nodded crisply and turned to accomplish the task as ordered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just as John was stepping out the front door of his condominium complex, he heard a vaguely familiar voice call out his name. “John…” He turned instantly to find out whether his ears were playing tricks on him.
“John Dimera, that is. Congratulations on learning your true identity. I’m sure you must be very pleased to finally know the truth.”
“Lawrence, what the hell are *you* doing here?” John asked, shocked and wondering how the man had found out so quickly.
His smile was disgustingly smug. “Oh, just some unfinished business, yours. Since it has come to my attention that you are *not* a member of the Alamain family, I have come to… how shall I put it, divest you of all your holdings.”
Closing the gap between them, John yelled, “You son of a bitch! You know there isn’t any definitive proof!”
“Oh, John…I know this must be very difficult, but you have to face facts. You have Dimera blood running through your veins, and I have all the proof you’ll need from a very reliable source.” He made a waving gesture and someone else stepped out of the limousine parked a couple yards away.
It took a moment for reality to penetrate, as the person approached him. “Carly Manning? What do *you* know about all of this? ” John said, narrowing his gaze to make sure that it was her.
She nodded and spoke very softly, her tone an apology. “I’m so sorry but it’s true, John, you’re Stefano’s son. I have letters my Mother wrote, and some pictures… it’s true, and you’re my half brother.”
It was all he could do to keep from falling over from the shock reaction. There was no more denying his new reality, another source had confirmed it. He was a Dimera–flesh and blood relation to the human incarnation of pure evil. His only reply was a barely audible whisper, “No…”
Carly was crying now, she felt so bad. “I’m so sorry, John, I wanted to tell you. But I knew it would only hurt you, and I was sworn to secrecy when I learned the truth.”
“What do you mean, Carly… exactly how long have you known?” he asked, fighting the shaky feeling he had inside. His world was crumbling all around him again, much like an earthquake which caused the ground to buckle and collapse from underneath him.
She didn’t say a word, and she couldn’t look him in the eye. He pushed her to tell him, gripping her shoulders tightly enough to hurt a little, urging her to meet his gaze. “Carly, are you saying that… all this time, since you came to Salem, you’ve known and you didn’t tell me?”
The guilty tears began to drop from her eyes as she finally did look at him and gave an apology. “I’m so sorry, John, I truly am. I wasn’t strong enough to defy my family and tell you what you needed to know. I’m so ashamed, and I hope that one day, you can find it in your heart to forgive me for keeping this from you. When I learned about all the terrible things he did to you, I secretly hoped you would never find out.”
At first he only shook his head. “I don’t know, Carly. It’s all so…”
Lawrence couldn’t resist joining the conversation at the perfect moment, “Delightful, thoroughly delightful is what it is, John. I have taken the liberty of having papers drawn up. You’ll be relinquishing all your Alamain holdings and any investment profit you’ve made in the past six months, as of today, John. Please make it easy for yourself and sign them without a fight. I’m being very generous. I could go after all the money you’ve spent in the past several years, but I’m willing to let that go. And I’ll allow you to keep your house, your vehicles–including the Jet, and I’ll even throw in a sum of $500,000, as a gesture of good will.”
It was all John could manage to restrain himself from decking the patronizing bastard. He’d always hated him, and now there was no longer the illusory hindrance of family ties to hold him back. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and said casually, “Sure, what the hell, never really wanted the money anyway.”
It was partly true. Still, it was unsettling at best to be stripped of his sizable wealth in one fell swoop. There was Isabella’s money, and the Foundation, but in John’s mind those funds were mostly committed, even the ones that weren’t officially earmarked for charitable purposes. And Brady’s trust fund was for him, when he reached the age of 21. It suddenly occurred to John, as he looked at the gloating expression on Lawrence Alamain’s face, that he had no real job training, no college degree to fall back on, or at least no knowledge of one. He had only his resourcefulness and his newfound heritage to rely upon, a legacy he loathed even more than the man standing in front of him.
Unfortunately, if Lawrence knew, it wouldn’t be long before the international business community also learned of this latest development. He would soon become widely known as Stefano Dimera’s bastard son and John knew that meant no one in legitimate business would come near him.
The world suddenly seemed a whole lot darker–more like black–the color of the Phoenix bird Dimera used as his trademark symbol.
Stunned To Say The Least
Looking at her watch, Marlena realized that much more time had passed than she would have guessed. She must have sat there on the edge of the bed for longer than she thought. It was time to get ready for work. Marlena rushed around getting a shower, drying her hair, splashing on a dash of makeup and heading out the door without even getting a cup of coffee first.
She ran smack dab into her husband, who barely seemed to notice the sudden physical contact. Marlena looked at him with concern. He was in a daze and at first she thought it might have had something to do with Stefano.
“John, honey, are you alright?”
He answered but he clearly wasn’t all there, “Huh…what, oh, yea… fine, I’m just fine.”
He didn’t look fine. “Honey, you look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
“A ghost, yea…”
He didn’t meet her gaze and he merely parroted her statement. “John, you’re scaring me, here… what’s going on? I thought you were going to see Stefano.”
“I was, I mean… I am, or I will…”
He was lost in some kind of a mental haze, which to her trained eyes looked like an emotional shock reaction. “Honey, why don’t we sit down for a minute. You seem a little… tired. ” He nodded but didn’t make a move to do as she suggested.
Taking him by the arm, she guided him over to their couch and sat him down. He was completely still, seemingly lost in thought, holding a tattered envelope in his slightly tremulous hands.
“John, sweety, why don’t you tell me what you’ve got in that envelope there. It looks important, is it?”
It was as if he didn’t hear her at all, his response totally unrelated to her question. “It’s true, Doc.. it’s really true. I’m.. Stefano’s son.” He said it like he was hearing the news for the first time, and it worried her.
Well, at least he was talking. “Yes, we knew that already, John. But, what is it that just happened to get you so upset?”
“It was Carly, she was… she was here…. with Lawrence. He uh… he came here to….gloat.” John stood up and was looking toward the door, as if reliving the encounter. ” She’s.. she’s my….sister, Doc. Her mother, she’s…”
“John, why don’t you sit back down and tell me the whole story.” He nodded and kept staring at the envelope in his hands, but didn’t take a seat again.
She took his arm and guided him back toward the living room of their home. Gently, she removed the envelope from his grasp and opened it, dumping its contents on the coffee table in front of them. There were letters, pictures, what looked to be a copy of a birth certificate, and a journal. Marlena looked at John, who continued to display a stunned expression on his face.
Without asking him, she picked a couple of items and examined them. One was a photograph of mother and child, a beautiful dark haired woman holding an adorable baby in her arms. She recognized him instantly. Even as a newborn, her husband was striking in his appearance. This was a picture of him and his mother. It had to be. “Oh, John….”
Knowing she realized what he had upon first glance, he nodded and offered a smile that seemed to represent a myriad of emotions. Then he said, “That’s me… when I was a.. baby. I was… well, read the back, it says I was a week old.”
He gestured for her to turn it over. She did and read the note on the back. My sweet boy child at one week. So innocent, so beautiful is he now. I know that I must give him up, to ensure that he can remain so.’
“Oh, honey…. you were a gorgeous baby and your mother, she was very pretty. This is Carly’s mother?”
“Yea… she uh… she had a brief affair with Stefano and she got pregnant. At some point, she began to realize just how evil he really was and she made the decision to hide me from him. So she gave me away–to Leopold and Carlotta Alamain. They raised me as their son, until the incident with the swimming pool. And then they.. sent me away too. Nobody seems to know what happened to me for awhile after that.” He didn’t cry, he didn’t even look like he might, but the slightly hidden depths of his cobalt blue eyes told her he was suffering–maybe more than ever before.
“I’m so sorry, John.”
Staring at the photograph, still somewhat incredulous about it, he said, “I just wish that….oh, never mind. It’s stupid–doesn’t matter.” He hastily put the photos and the letters and the journal back into the envelope and rose swiftly to his feet, now seemingly alert. The bank of protective fog was dissipating.
“Yes it does, John.. it does matter, very much. Please tell me, honey, what do you wish?”
He hesitated for a moment, as if questioning whether he should share it. When he did, his voice trembled, “Well, I wish that I could have… known her. That I could.. remember something, *anything* of her. What it was like to be… held, to be… loved.” Now there was a trace of moisture behind his azure eyes, and he looked way, as if embarrassed to have it there. He was a grown man for God’s sake, he didn’t need a mother, and he thought he was well past that aching feeling of emptiness inside him caused by the lack of memory.
Marlena had no such compunction about hiding her tears and she started to weep openly for what he had missed. All of his life, John had never known the unconditional love of a mother. It was a very symbolic and powerful loss. She ached for the pain it caused him, all those years ago, and for now, for how confusing it must be. “John, it’s okay for you to feel something about this.”
He gave her a nod that was non-committal. “I know, just doesn’t do any good. Feeling it, talking about it–doesn’t make the pain go away, now does it?”
“No, it doesn’t, I’m sorry. I wish that it did. I wish I could give you back what you’ve lost, what you’ve missed out on, but I can’t do that. I can only be here for you, to listen, and to love you.”
He sat down hard, a heavy sigh escaping as he apologized, “I know.. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to snap at you, Marlena. This is all a little hard to take, you know… Every time I think there’s something solid I can hang on to, I find out I was wrong. It just keeps changing!”
“Yes, it does. And now, you have *two* sisters, Lexie and Carly.”
That brought a hint of a twinkle back to his sad eyes. “Yea, I do.. don’t I?” and then it suddenly occurred to him what else that meant. “And Kristen *isn’t* my sister.”
“Oh, thank the Lord!”
The tremendous expression of relief that crossed the rugged features of his handsome face brought a broad smile to hers. And then together, they said with enthusiasm,
“Amen to that!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peering out the window of the front door at the empty driveway, Bart asked a question he wished he hadn’t. “So, where is he, Boss?”
Standing in the entryway of his mansion, Stefano replied confidently, “He’ll come, Bart. Trust me. Something must have delayed him.”
“Like what?”
The phone interrupted their conversation. Stefano picked it up and got his answer. “Hello?”
“Ah, Stefano Dimera….you’re answering your own phone now. How fortunate because I wish to congratulate you.”
‘Lawrence Alamain. How lovely,’ he thought. “Congratulate me?”
“Yes. You have yet another illegitimate child. John Black. I wanted to tell you how pleased I am for the two of you.”
The man’s tone was sickening. For once, Stefano wasn’t sure how to respond and so remained silent. “You did know, didn’t you Stefano?”
“Of course I knew, Lawrence. The question is, how did *you* find out?” he asked, suddenly recovering the power of speech.
“Ah, well, some things are better left unsaid, Stefano.”
“True enough. However, since you know that I will find out sooner or later, you might as well tell me.”
“I don’t think so, Stefano. It’s going to be my little secret.” No one besides John and of course, Marlena, were to know the truth about Carly and John’s shared parentage. If Stefano ever learned who the mother was, that knowledge would have to come from his own painstaking research.
Letting Go and Holding On
“John, honey…. why don’t we both go over to see Stefano?”
He shook his head, while putting the items he’d received from Carly Manning-Alamain back into the envelope and then into the small wall safe he’d recently installed in the bed room, behind a nice reproduction of Marlena’s favorite Renoir.
“Why?”
Closing the safe and giving the handle a little jiggle, he said, “Because, Doc, this is between Dimera and me, I don’t want you involved.”
She had to stifle a laugh. “You don’t want me involved? John, my *husband* has recently learned that his father is someone we both hate because of the pain he’s caused to us and nearly everyone we care about. And you think there’s a way to keep me out of it?”
He shot her an irritated frown, “You *know* what I mean.”
“No, I don’t, John… what are you thinking?” she asked following him out of the bedroom and down the stairs toward the front door.
“I’m thinking he’ll act differently with you around,” he said, donning his coat.
“Well, we’re on the same wavelength there at least.” It was the reason she wanted to tag along, or at least part of the reason.
It dawned on him what she was worried about as he was tugging on his cowboy boots and tucking in his pant legs. When he was finished with those mundane tasks, he straightened up and tried to assuage her concerns, “Marlena, listen to me. I’m beginning to settle with it now, I promise I won’t do anything stupid, I just want to talk to him and find out what he knows, see if he has any proof of what I’ve learned so far.”
“Okay, then why don’t you let me check your coat?”
He glared at her, but relented as she reached her hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket. “Is it in the Jeep, John?” she said, standing back to look him in the eye.
“Marlena, in case you’re forgetting, Abe took it the other night and he hasn’t given it back to me yet. I couldn’t take the gun with me if I wanted to, which I don’t.”
Realizing that he was wounded by her suspicion, she softened her tone and apologized, briefly putting a hand on his right shoulder, “I’m sorry, but you really had me worried there for awhile.”
“I know, with good reason, and I’m sorry for that. It won’t happen again, Doc. This thing has had me all turned around and I uh… well, the other night, I’ll admit I kind of… snapped. But I’m alright now, I promise.”
“I hope so, John…. because there are a lot of people who need you.”
He put his arms around her and tried once again to assure her that she could place her trust in his current state of level headedness. “I know that, Doc… and I’m really sorry I scared you.”
He kissed her lightly on the lips and then opened the door to leave. She prayed that he would be continue to be alright, whatever happened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Within an hour of Lawrence Alamain’s telephone call, John Black’s Jeep Grand Cherokee was pulling up in the Dimera drive and Stefano smiled. “So, now the game begins again, my son.”
John wasn’t at all surprised when the door opened before he even had a chance to ring the bell. “Hello John, he’s been expecting you. He’s in the den.”
“I’m sure he has, I’ll just show myself in then…. okay, Bart?” John said, not bothering to wait for a response from the lackey.
Bart stepped aside and replied snidely, “Go for it.”
In seconds, John was standing in front of the large mahogany desk in Stefano’s office. The older man stood up and came out from behind it to greet his visitor. “Well, good morning John. It’s good to see you. How are you?”
“Fine, just fine, so why don’t we just cut to the chase. What have you got?”
“What do you mean, John?”
“Show me whatever you have that proves there’s a biological connection between us.”
Stefano pressed the button on the intercom system and spoke into it, “Bart, would you please bring in those items I requested earlier?”
“Uh, yes, Sir, right away,” answered his dutiful underling.
John took the time to walk around the den, taking more notice than he had in recent months, before he learned they were biologically related. Every item was a potential clue to the man’s motives, to how his mind worked, maybe even to whether he had known the truth or had just learned it as John had.
Stefano watched him closely, noticing a slight change in the man’s demeanor, perhaps a cooling of the anger. “John, you *are* my son. You know that now and you’ve accepted it, haven’t you?’
For the longest time, John said nothing, not knowing how to answer. A conflicted sigh escaped his lips. It was true, he had come to terms with the facts of it, at least at face value. But on an emotional level, he was far from reaching full acceptance of his new reality and all that it might mean. Finally, he said, “Yes, I’ve accepted the fact that you contributed to my birth, but that’s all, Stefano. You’re *not* my father,” he hissed.
“But I could be. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it, John? Now that you know for sure, somewhere deep inside, you want to find a way to see me in a different light.”
His shake of the head was too firm, and his fuse too quick to burn. “No, you’re way off track, Dimera. I’ll never see you as anything but the lying, manipulative, bastard who kidnapped me and stole my life away!”
“Am I? Then tell me, John… just why *are* you here today? Better yet, why am I still here? If you hold me in such utter contempt as you wish me to believe, then why didn’t you kill me the other night when you had the opportunity?”
It was uncanny, how the Old Man could see right through him sometimes. John wondered exactly how and why that was. And then for reasons he didn’t understand, he replied honestly, “I don’t… know.”
Rather than comment right away, Stefano let his son’s words sit in the air. They looked at each other studiously, and John labored to summon the hatred he felt for the man who had caused him more than a lifetime of pain.
Stunned by the younger man’s genuine response to his confrontation, Stefano sat down heavily in one of the leather chairs. “Thank you for being truthful, John.”
“No problem,” John said, choosing to remain standing near the wall of books collected from all over the world. “I have to go now,” he added, becoming uncomfortable with the direction in which the conversation was heading.
“But you haven’t seen the proof I have.”
“I uh… I don’t need to see it, Stefano.”
“What are you afraid of, John…”
“Nothing, I’m not afraid of anything, Old Man. You’ve already taken your best shot at me and I’m still standing tall.”
Stefano made it a point to look the man right in the eye when he rose and shared a personal observation, “Yes, you are. I’ve always admired that about you, John… your strength of will, your determination, and your courage in the worst of circumstances.”
With that, John turned without a word and rushed out of the room, nearly bolting for the front door of the mansion.
Bart stepped into the den at that precise moment. “Here’s that stuff you wanted boss. Sorry it took so long, but I was.. in the can when you called me.”
Stefano simply shook his head, breathed out an exasperated sigh, and snatched the envelope from the man’s hands. Sensing that further apology would only spark the boss man’s formidable ire, Bart shrugged self consciously and swiftly exited the room.
When the underling was gone, Stefano reviewed the conversation he’d just had with his long lost son, thinking of how ironic it all was. ‘Progress, I think we’re making progress,’ he thought, just before the doorbell rang.
It was his beautiful daughter, Lexie Carver, who kept glancing back toward the driveway, even after Stefano answered the door and greeted her. “Hello, Lexie, what brings you here this morning?”
“Well, to be honest, it’s about John… I wanted to see how things were going. I just saw him leave, and he was in such a rush he almost ran into me. What just happened between the two of you?” she asked, with another backward glance.
“Nothing really. We had a nice quiet conversation and then he raced off.”
“Oh…. so what do you think that means?” Lexie probed, stepping into the foyer and starting to remove her coat.
Her father stood in the doorway for a moment before closing it. “I think it means that he’s afraid if he spend any length of time around me, his feelings might begin to change.”
Lexie nodded knowingly, “And that worries him.”
“Yes, very much.”
Lexie’s smile was dazzling. “Well, I guess that’s a start now isn’t it, Father?”
“Yes, it is, a good one. Better than I expected at this point.” He put her coat in the front closet. As he was asking her a question, “So, my darling daughter, how would you like to have a gourmet breakfast? I had the cook make something very special this morning, but as you know my other guest had to leave in a hurry.”
“Of course, I would love to have breakfast with you. We can’t let all that good food go to waste, now can we?”
Arm in arm, their faces bearing twin smiles, they headed out of the den and toward the dining room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seemed to John Black that sometimes his Jeep had a mind of its own. When he became completely aware of which direction he was going, he realized he was almost at the turnoff for his favorite pier. He smiled wistfully and steered the Jeep into a parking space he often used, climbed out, and made his way to the creaky wooden stairs, the safety of which he sometimes questioned.
It was relatively early on a Sunday morning and the fog was still fairly thick, so he had the place all to himself, which was exactly the way he wanted it. John needed to be alone to sort things out. He walked the length of the pier twice and still didn’t have any answers, when he looked up at the sound of another pair of footsteps on the planks.
“Hi, John… I thought I might find you here.”
“You were looking for me, Abe?”
“Well, I called the house and Marlena said you’d gone out to see Stefano, but Lexie just called me to tell me she was having breakfast with him. She said you had been there and left already. I guessed you might head in this direction.”
“So, you’re saying I’m predictable?”
“Oh, sometimes, when you’ve got a lot on your mind anyway. But there’s nothing wrong with that, John.”
“No, don’t suppose there is.”
Abe let the silence settle over them for a few minutes, giving John time to pace a bit and decide which thoughts he would share and which ones would remain private. His best friend was such an interesting mix, at times volatile verging on being out of control with his anger, and others quiet and reserved, especially about things that caused him emotional suffering. That he often kept locked up tight, somehow believing as most men did, that revealing himself was a sign of weakness. Abe didn’t often say it, but the thought had crossed his mind that men could learn a thing or two from women, who generally weren’t ashamed of their emotions, in fact embraced them, and much of the time seemed all the stronger for it.
“I went to see him, Abe… I had it all planned. I was gonna confront him, get him to show me the proof he has that he’s my biological father. I wanted to find out how long he’s known.”
“But…”
“But, when I got there… I don’t know…it didn’t go down that way.”
“What happened, John?”
His face bearing a troubled expression, he said, “Nothing really. We just.. talked. He asked me why I was there, and if I hated him so much why didn’t I kill him the other night?”
Again, Abe didn’t say anything at first, letting John work it through on his own. He waited until after they both sat down on the bench a few feet from where they were standing. “And, did you have an answer for him, John?”
“No, no I didn’t, Abe, and it….”
Sensing his friend’s growing discomfiture, Abe said, “Take your time, John.”
Running his hands through his slightly dampened hair, he tried to explain, “Well, it’s just that… I’ve hated him for so long, you know…. the rage and the hatred… they kept me going sometimes, Abe. When it seemed like I had nothing else in my life, I had that to cling to, and it drove me to keep going, because somehow, some day I was going to find a way to take him down. I was gonna make him pay for what he did to me and the people I cared about.”
“And now?”
“And now I’m… confused and I don’t understand it.”
“John, he’s your father. After all those years of not knowing about your past, you finally have one solid truth to hold onto, the fact that he’s your flesh and blood. It’s unsettling yes, but you’ve wanted this for so long. It’s understandable that you’d feel a little conflicted about it.”
“I guess so. But I was so *sure* the other night, Abe. I wanted to pull that trigger SO badly.”
“But when it came right down to it, you couldn’t do it. Because he’s your father.”
He nodded and let out a frustrated sigh. “Yea… because he’s my father. I don’t know how to feel about that, Abe. I don’t know what to do.”
Patting his friend on the back, Abe gave him some sage advice, “Don’t second guess yourself and don’t over analyze. It is what it is.”
John rose from the bench and looked off into the distance. “Yea, but where do I go from here? What am I supposed to do with all that anger and hatred I’ve held onto for so long now?”
“Let it go, John… find a way to let it go. You don’t need it anymore.”
The two men spun around to face the person who had spoken with such wisdom. “Hey Doc!” John exclaimed excitedly, not having been aware of just how much he wanted and needed to see her pretty face.
“She’s right, you know… you don’t need it anymore.”
John nodded and breathed a slightly weary sigh, but didn’t respond verbally, thinking about the events of the day thus far, as well as those of the past few weeks.
Cognizant that his friend was now in the best of hands, Abe Carver decided to head on home. “Well, I’ll see you both later. And John, I’ll uh… bring your handgun over later on this afternoon, if that’s okay with you.”
“Yea, sure.. that’ll be fine. Thanks Abe… for everything.”
“No problem, that’s what friends are for. I’ll see you later.”
John gave him a nod, a smile, and a wave goodbye.
Marlena waited until the man was out of earshot before speaking. “I was getting a little worried about you,” she said, running her hands up and down his arms.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you, Doc… I had a lot on my mind is all–needed some time to think.”
“I know, it’s okay… so, are you hungry? I’m buying.”
It was the perfect suggestion. “Ah, that sounds like music to my ears.”
“What, the fact that I’m not doing the cooking?” she teased.
He wagged a finger at her. “I didn’t say that, Marlena…”
“You didn’t have to… now come on, let’s go…I’m starved!” she said, taking him by the hand and pulling him toward the stairs.
Looking out at the water, noticing that the fog had begun to burn off and the sun was making an appearance, John said cheerfully, “Me too, Doc… me too…. and you know, I think it’s going to be a good day today. A really *good* day.”
Marlena Evans-Black smiled and snuggled up close to the man she loved as they traveled the length of the pier and climbed the old wooden staircase. She couldn’t agree more.
Cry in the Night
It wasn’t that late, but John was bone tired. He’d spent the entire day with the three kids while Marlena went shopping with Maggie and Laura. To top it off, Evan was as cranky as John ever remembered his little guy being. After getting Belle and Brady started on the latest Disney video, and putting Evan down for a nap, John laid down on the bed to rest for a minute or two. Minutes became hours and he was rudely awakened by a high pitched scream, or rather what sounded like three of them. John leaped off the bed and raced toward the source of the noise.
They were in the nursery. Belle was crying, Brady was trying to comfort her, and Evan was screaming at the top of his tiny lungs. John picked up the screeching toddler and held him long enough to get him to calm slightly, then spoke to the other two. “What’s going on, what’s with all the screaming?”
“Evan is real sick Daddy… look in his bed,” Belle said, pointing toward the mess.
It appeared as though the boy had vomited up the entire contents of his little stomach. “Oh, Evan… you’re not feeling too good, huh little Buddy… let me check you out here.” He reached a hand toward his son’s forehead. He could feel the heat radiating from it before his fingers even touched Evan’s skin. “Oh, my God… Kids, listen to me. I want you to go back and watch the movie, I’ll take care of Evan, okay?”
“Okay, Daddy… but what are you going to do? Evan’s got a high feber, doesn’t he?” Belle asked.
“Yes, yes he does honey, and I’m going to try real hard to get his fever down. After that I’m going to call your Mother.”
“That’s a good idea, Daddy. She’s a doctor and she’ll know just what to do for Evan, won’t she?” Brady offered proudly.
It always made him smile when his little boy spoke of his wife like that. He nodded and said, “Yea, Slugger she sure will. Your Mom’s real smart.”
John made himself busy getting Evan out of his soiled clothing, thinking the kids had left the room. He found he was wrong when Brady asked a question that seemed to come out of the blue, but to the small boy made perfect sense.
“Dad…. is Marlena my real Mom? Or is my Mommy in heaven my real Mom?”
“Well, Brady… it depends on what you mean by real. The way I see it, the Mommy who gave birth to you was your first Mom and Marlena is your second Mom, but they’re both your real Mom.”
“Dad, does she love me as much as she loves Belle?”
“Of course she does, Brady, you’re her son, just like Evan is her son now.”
“So, it’s kind of the same with me and Evan… you both love him just like he was yours, even if he had another Mommy and Daddy before you.”
“Right, Slugger, it’s just like that. We love all three of you very, very much and we always will.”
“Okay.. let’s go Belle.” Having gotten the answers he needed, Brady signaled to his sister and the two of them turned and rushed out of the room to watch their movie, leaving John with some peace and quiet to care for Evan and make his decisions. He marveled at the connections his children were capable of making. They were wise little souls.
Next, he took Evan into the bathroom, undressed and washed him off with lukewarm water, which made the little boy shiver. He whimpered and John swiftly wrapped a towel around his small body, hugging him close for warmth and comfort. “Oh, Evan… I’m sorry you don’t feel good little buddy. Let’s get you some Tylenol or something better to take that fever down,” he said reaching for the medicine cabinet. He quickly found what he needed in the well-stocked cabinet. The place was a veritable pharmacy. Leave it to Doc to make sure every conceivable childhood ailment for which there was an over the counter medicine was taken into account. After giving Evan some liquid Motrin, he tried to call Marlena, but her phone was turned off, so he left a message.
Within an hour, Evan’s temperature was down from 103 to 100 and John sighed with relief. Marlena called just as he had finished checking Evan’s temp again.
“John.. I just got that voice mail from you. How is Evan doing?”
It was good to hear her voice. “Well, he seems a little better now, Doc… but he was pretty sick for awhile there. His temp was over 103, I gave him some Motrin and it’s starting to come down. I just took it again and it’s running about 100. “
“How does he seem otherwise, John… does he seem achy, sore, has he vomited again?”
“No, not that I can tell, he’s cranky and whiny, but other than that he seems to be doing okay at this point. What do you think we should do?”
“Well, I’m coming right home. After I see him, I’ll have a better idea of whether it’s just some cold or flu bug or something more serious.”
“Alright, I’ll see you soon, Doc.”
“How are Brady and Belle?”
“Fine, Doc, they’re perfectly fine.”
That might be true, probably was, but their father didn’t sound fine. “John, please try not to worry too much.”
“Okay… just come home as soon as you can. I need your professional opinion.”
“I’m on my way right now, John…”
By the time she got home, Evan was sleeping peacefully and seemed a little better. Worn out, John and Marlena fell asleep shortly after putting Brady and Belle down for the night as well.
The following morning, a Saturday, John put on a robe and went right into the nursery while Marlena was getting cleaned up in the master bath. Stepping out of the shower and beginning to dry off, she thought she heard her husband calling to her.
“Honey, can you come in here for a minute, Evan’s pretty warm again and he doesn’t look so good right now. Can you come and check him out?”
Marlena came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her freshly washed hair and a robe draped around her body. She met him at the bedroom door. “Sure, John. It seems like’s been fighting off a cold for a few days now, maybe that’s what it is,” she said, taking the small bundle from her husband. She noticed it immediately. His color was off, he seemed listless and his eyes were slightly glossy. Evan was very sick.
Her face paled and John feared the worst. “What is it, Doc?”
“Honey, I think we need to take him over to University.”
Alarmed now too, John looked at his child and said, “The hospital! I thought you said it was just a cold, Marlena.”
“I know what I said, but I think we should take him in just to be on the safe side.”
“No, no you’re really worried, I can see that much. Tell me, Doc.. what do you think is wrong with him?”
“I don’t know, John, but I think it could be serious. Now, let’s get everybody dressed and go.”
He nodded and looked at her somewhat blankly, clearly stunned by the alarm in her voice and the alacrity of her movements. She was halfway dressed already. “Uh, okay, I’ll get Belle and Brady ready, you take care of Evan, alright?” he suggested, while glancing worriedly at his little boy. No, not his little boy, John corrected internally. ‘Dammit, he’s MY son!‘ he said to himself. John actually felt the strength of the bond increasing as he kicked into protective mode. In a matter of seconds, he had a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and shoes on and was headed back toward the bedroom door.
“Of course I will, honey,” Marlena said, placing their little boy on the bed while she finished dressing and dried her hair with a towel. Seconds later she was holding him again, deciding to wait on brushing her hair out, thinking it was important for Evan to feel safe and loved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two hours later, they were sitting on uncomfortable plastic chairs playing the waiting game, hoping for good news, Belle and Brady being entertained by some volunteers from the Pediatric unit.
Unfortunately, they didn’t get it. Mike and the new Pediatrician, Doctor James Masters who had been on-call, came out of the examining room with grim faces. They had just gotten the results of several tests back and had been conferring before talking with John and Marlena, who stood up to greet them.
“Just say it, Mike….” Marlena finally demanded, when the two doctors hesitated to explain the results of the tests that had been run.
Mike sighed heavily and then gave them the truth, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this but Evan is very sick. He’s got a form of Leukemia. It’s called, Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, or AML.”
John practically fell over from the shock, and Marlena faltered against him. He reached out to grasp hold, not knowing if it were for her benefit or his. For several agonizingly long seconds they were struck speechless.
“Oh my God, no!” they finally cried in disbelief, almost in unison. “It can’t be!”
Mike was near tears himself, knowing how much the couple had come to love the adorable little boy as their own. “I uh… I’m going to make the referral for the Pediatric Oncologist,” he said, not knowing what else he could do or say that would help.
“Can we see him?” John asked in a husky whisper, barely able to make the words go from his mind to his mouth.
The other doctor answered, the one they didn’t know other than by name, “Of course, I think he’s pretty scared about now. Go on, spend some time with your son. I’ll be in to explain the test results when you’re ready.”
“Thank you… Doctor…”
“Masters, James Masters.” He reached out a hand and John shook it lightly before ducking inside the examining room to check on Evan.
Marlena stayed behind to discuss the specifics of the situation with the physician. “Doctor Masters, could you please tell me the truth. How serious is his condition?”
This time there was no hesitation. “Very. He’s going to need chemotherapy and possibly a bone marrow or stem cell transplant soon. I assume you are the biological parents?”
“Mike didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me, what?” He appeared genuinely puzzled by her question.
“I guess he didn’t,” she said with a tired sigh, glancing back toward the examining room, having realized Mike hadn’t said anything. She was actually grateful for his discretion, but it wasn’t a discussion she wanted John to overhear at this point, because she knew where it would ultimately lead. “Well, you see, John and I aren’t… Evan’s biological parents. He’s adopted, but we recently found out that a man who lives here in Salem is the baby’s natural father.”
The doctor’s expression brightened at that piece of news. “Well, that’s extremely fortunate. He may be able to provide what we need to save your child.” The look on her face told him that the situation was more complicated than it seemed at face value.
“Doctor, that man is Stefano Dimera, you may have heard of him; he’s rather notorious, and we’ve also just learned that by some strange twist of fate, he is John’s biological father as well.”
That gave him pause. He cast a quick glance at the exam room too, and then offered an empathetic response and a challenge in the same breath, “Oh, well I’m sure it must be difficult for you all to handle, especially for your husband. But, will you let that stop you from doing everything possible to save Evan’s life?”
“What’s he talking about, Marlena?”
It made her jump to hear his voice from what had to be only a few feet behind them. She turned to face him, stammering her response, “John… I, we… didn’t know you were.. there.”
He paused for a beat and then said, “Obviously. So, what about Dimera? What does he have to do with any of this?” John asked, looking back and forth between the two MD’s, who clearly shared some knowledge he didn’t have.
She eyed the Pediatrician and wordlessly signaled that she would explain it. “John, the baby is going to need either a bone marrow or stem cell transplant.”
“And.. just what are you getting at, Doc?”
“And, the donor has to be an exact match. The best chance we have is with you or… Stefano.”
He backed up a step, moving toward the room that currently housed his little boy, shaking his head. “No way! He’s not coming anywhere near my son!”
“John, we may not have any choice here… Evan is very sick!” All John could manage to do in response was continue to shake his head and pray that he was a match, whatever that meant exactly.
Six hours later, they were again waiting for test results. In the second the oncologist entered the lounge where they’d been waiting, John knew. He wasn’t a match for Evan, which left Stefano. He closed his eyes and let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, at the same time as he bit back the gut wrenching fear for his son’s life.
John was shaking his head when the man went to tell him the results, his mind unable to fathom his bizarre reality “No, this can’t be! I’m his…br…brother, I should match. You said siblings are usually a better match than the parents.”
“Yes, I did, yes I did, and I’m so sorry it’s not true in this case. Now, how can we get a hold of this… Stefano Dimera?”
He shut his eyes again, as if that simple act could wipe out the biological connection between them, the one he hated with every fiber of his being to acknowledge. And now, the bloodline he so loathed was something he needed desperately. Ironically, it offered hope to save the child he loved, had adopted, and planned to raise as his own, right along with Brady and Belle. The child he once thought was his flesh and blood.
The man sat there in silence for the longest time. “John…. may we contact him?” the doctor eventually asked, trying not to sound impatient. Obviously this was a difficult and painful decision for the boy’s adoptive father to make. But time was of the essence.
John looked down at the floor, wishing with all his might that God would make this nightmare come to an end. After a few more seconds passed, having collected himself, he met the physician’s concerned gaze and said, “No, I’ll do it. Just give me a minute with Evan and then I’ll go call him.”
“Sure, take as long as you need, I’ll be right outside doing some charting, ordering the tests.”
“Thank you,” he said, a weary sigh escaping with his words.
Marlena started to follow the physician out the door, planning to ask more detailed questions, when she felt John’s hand light on her forearm. “Stay?”
“Of course I will.”
John nodded but said nothing further to her, turning instead toward the bed that held his tiny boy. For a few moments, he simply stood there stroking his little boy’s cheeks and hair. “I can’t believe this is really happening, Doc, that this sweet little guy could be so sick and we didn’t even know it.”
She nodded and followed his train of thought, arguing against it. “It’s not your fault, John. That he got sick or that you’re not a match.”
“I know… I just…” It was terrifying. What if he did talk to the man, what if agreed to be tested, and then Stefano wasn’t a match either?
She wrapped her arms around him from behind, both of them looking again at the tiny boy lying in the big hospital bed. “Honey, I know you don’t want to go to Stefano. It’s going to be very difficult for you to ask for his help in this.”
“Now, that’s an understatement if I ever heard one.”
“John, he could save Evan’s life.”
John turned around and put some distance between them, “I *know* that!” he said rather loudly and instantly regretted it, subsequently lowering his voice, “But I also know that he’ll use it, Doc…. he’ll hold it over my head, he’ll try to weasel his way into Evan’s life and then….”
“And then what?”
“I’ll lose him to Dimera, Doc… He’ll influence Evan, in subtle ways at first and then one day, Evan will leave us. I couldn’t…. take that.”
Instinctively, the couple had been gradually moving toward the door and striving to keep their voices low, not wanting Evan to be adversely affected by any of the stress they were under. “John, I think you’re overstating his influence. Evan knows that we love him, and in his little way, he loves us too. And as he grows, John, you will be the one he listens to, the one he looks to for guidance in his life, not Stefano. No matter what he does, what we teach Evan, and our love for him with be the strongest guiding force in his life. You have to believe that, John.”
“I want to, Marlena, you can’t know how much I want to believe that. But, come on… look at Peter and Tony, even Kristen… they didn’t start out to be evil, but it all came out in the wash. Stefano’s hold on them was stronger than everything else, stronger than love.”
“John, this is different. It won’t happen that way.”
“How do you know that?”
“I don’t, not for certain, but I believe in the power of love and truth, that’s what we have on our side. But, none of this will matter if Evan…”
He shook his head vigorously in response. He couldn’t let his mind go there and demanded she not let hers do so either. “No! Don’t say it, Marlena… don’t you even think it! Evan is going to *beat* this thing! He’s a fighter, Doc!”
She let out a weary sigh of her own, hating what that fight would do to poor little Evan, to all of them, and said, “Alright then. Why don’t you go call Stefano?”
Nodding lightly, John breathed another heavy sigh before taking his cell phone out of his pocket, preparing to make the dreaded call. Marlena stopped him by putting a hand over his. “Not in here, John…”
“Oh, yea.. I forgot.” His hands trembling slightly, he closed it up and put it away. Cell phones had been found to interfere with sensitive life saving equipment and their use inside the hospital was recently banned.
John sighed again and headed toward the bank of pay phones, silently praying that the man he had wished dead at least a thousand times would be the one to save the little boy he loved so deeply.
Stefano was in the dining room sitting down to dinner, when one of his servants entered the room. “Yes, what is it?” Stefano asked, hating to be interrupted during a meal.
“There’s a telephone call for you, Sir. It’s John Black.”
“Tell him I’ll call him back.”
“He said it was a matter of life and death, Mr. Dimera, Sir. “
“Alright, then I’ll take it in here,” he said, rising from his chair at the end of the table. It had to be serious if John was willing to reveal himself in that way to one of the servants.
“Stefano… I….the reason I’m calling is…” He stopped, unable to explain it.
“What is it, John?”
A question he could answer. “It’s Evan…. he’s sick.”
His eyes narrowed in concern. If John was calling to tell him that, the baby must be seriously ill. “Sick, how?”
“They say he’s got some kind of leukemia… some name I can’t pronounce. The reason I’m calling is that he might need a bone marrow or stem cell transplant and I wasn’t a match for him.” Although he had planned out exactly what he was going to say, John couldn’t seem to make the request.
It mattered not and Stefano surmised the truth. “You want me to come and be tested too, to see if I’m a match.”
“Yes.”
There was silence on the line for several long moments. Then John finally managed to find the words he hated to say to this man he hated so much, “Stefano, please… would you come over to the hospital this evening? Will you get tested?”
“And if I *am* a match?”
John swallowed hard. “Are you willing to be a donor so we can try to save Evan’s life?”
“You would ask that of me, hating me as you do?” Stefano challenged, making sure that John was clear on his position.
“I’ll do anything I have to do to save my…”
The man hesitated and Stefano completed the sentence for him, “Your son.”
Perhaps in doing so, he was acknowledging for the first time that in every way that mattered, John was Evan’s father, despite Stefano’s role in the child’s conception.
“Yes, my son….now will you do it?”
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
Again there was silence on the line, John gathering the strength to offer gratitude. Finally, he pushed out a breath he wasn’t completely aware he’d been holding and said in a whisper, “Thank you, Stefano.”
“You’re welcome, son….”
And that was it, the line clicked and the connection was broken. In the silence, John wondered whether another kind of connection had just been formed. Before he had time to contemplate the issue, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his body and he melted with pleasure at the warm sensation.
She waited for a moment before saying, “That was really tough, wasn’t it?”
“You could say that,” he said, nodding.
“What did he say?”
“He said he’d be here in an hour.”
“Really?” That was somewhat surprising.
John turned around to face his wife, looking perplexed, and said, “Yep…and you know, I think he…”
“You think he, what, John?
There was this stunned expression in John’s eyes as he answered, apparently finding it nearly impossible to believe he was hearing himself utter the words, “I think that he actually…loves Evan or maybe..”
“Maybe he loves you both?” she asked, guessing at the source of his confusion. If it were true, it must be difficult for John to discern his own reaction to such a startling realization. Or even open his heart and mind to the possibility.
John shuddered visibly. “Ooh, that’s too much for me to think about. Let’s just be glad he’s going to get tested and forget about the rest of it.”
“Whatever you say, John… I know this isn’t easy to handle, not any of it.”
He shook his head and took her hand, leading her away from the phones and back toward his little boy’s room. “No, it isn’t. Now, let’s go back in with Evan. He really needs us right now.”
“More than ever, John, more than ever.” Because of her medical training, Marlena knew a lot more about what was to come than John did, and in some ways she thought it was a blessing.
The Inevitable Unfairness of Life
To talk to him on the phone about it was one thing, but seeing him step out of the elevator, be greeted by the pediatric oncologist, and then follow that man into an examining room, was another entirely. One way or the other, what happened in that room would seal Evan’s fate. It didn’t seem right that a man who had perpetrated such evil should have that kind of power over an innocent child’s life. John swallowed hard and turned the other way, saying nothing of what screamed for release.
Marlena watched the man she loved react in silence, hating that other man and wishing she could say or do something to make the situation easier for her husband to bear. She looked on as he headed toward the door that led to the small terrace nearby.
Waiting a minute or two, she stepped outside to join him. When he remained quiet, she said, “Nickel for your thoughts?”
He slowly turned to her and asked, “A nickel?”
“Inflation.”
John nodded and offered a weak smiled that said thanks for trying. “Ah….” he said softly, while resuming his position of leaning on the railing.
Resisting the urge to try to convince him that everything would work out in the end, she waited for him to decide what he wanted and needed from her, if anything.
Finally, he spoke, ” I don’t want him to be the one. It’s just not right, Doc.”
“But?”
With a worried sigh, he said, “I pray that he’s a match because it could save Evan.”
“John, what are you afraid of?”
“Besides losing Evan, you mean?”
“Yes, when it comes to Stefano…. letting him help, letting him be a part of this?”
“Nothing…” John stopped, thinking about it again and deciding to be honest with her, as well as himself this time, “Okay, it’s like I said before, he’ll use it to worm his way into Evan’s life. “
“And?”
“Isn’t that enough, Marlena?” he said, tired of feeling like he was being accused of something every time they talked about Stefano Dimera.
“Yes, if I thought that was all of it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you. About how this makes you feel about you..and Stefano.”
In frustration, he pushed out a breath and said, “Oh, you mean because he’s my father. Nothing’s changed, Marlena. I hate him.”
“And if he is a match and he saves Evan’s life?”
“I’ll be grateful, but I’ll still hate him,” he said flatly.
She waited a moment for the silence to settle in and then asked him again, “Will you, John. Will you really?”
He had no answer for her, his only response was to look at the ground.
“John, what if you don’t?”
Hating to admit to any confusion where that bastard Dimera was concerned, he hesitated before replying. Finally, he sighed again and gave the only answer he had, “I don’t know…” Then he turned around and went back inside to see his young son.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One week later, John was in a regular hospital room, keeping watch over a sleeping child.
Such a tiny boy to be going through so much. Sick for days on end, IV’s stuck in his little arms to replace some of what he lost, what little hair he had falling out. It was so unfair that a small boy was forced to endure such suffering. As he sat holding Evan’s tiny hand and observed the powerful chemicals flowing slowly into his son’s veins, John said to himself what he must have repeated a thousand times in the handful of weeks since the diagnosis had been made. “God, I wish it was me. Why, why did he have to be the one? I’ve messed up so many times, why wasn’t it me, God?”
“It isn’t a punishment, John.”
Startled, he whirled around to see the woman who was like a mother to him, Caroline Brady. At first he said nothing to her and she let the quiet set in as she approached the opposite side of the bed to hold Evan’s other hand. “I’m so sorry this is happening, John, and I know it’s terribly frightening, but you have to know that it’s not a punishment.”
“Then what is it? Why did Evan get sick? Hasn’t he been through enough, losing his mother when he was just a baby?” John asked, feeling the anger rise.
“I know it’s hard to accept when it happens to your own family, but people get sick, even children, I wish they didn’t, but they do, John. And I wish I had a better answer for you, some grand reason for all of it, but I don’t think there is one.”
“And even if there were, it really wouldn’t help much. He’d still be suffering and I still wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing to stop it.”
“I’m so sorry, John. I know you wish that you were the one to become ill.”
“Yea, I sure do. I’d trace places in a heartbeat.”
“So would I. Whenever one of my grandchildren is hurting, I think it should be my turn instead. I’ve lived a long life and I’m ready to go whenever it’s my time.”
His eyes shot open wide, the fear he’d been holding off, threatening to surface, “Caroline, you don’t honestly think that he’s…..”
She shook her head and looked down at the sweet little guy she grown to love as deeply as any other Brady grandchild, squeezing a tiny hand. “No, no… John, that isn’t what I meant. I think Evan will be fine. He’s got too much of his father in him to give up.”
He winced at the mention of family ties. Placing a comforting hand on his right shoulder, she said, “I’m talking about you, John, not Stefano. Stefano may share a biological connection with Evan, but you’re his father, his *real* father.”
It brought tears to his eyes and his voice was barely above a whisper as he replied in gratitude, “Thank you, Caroline, I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.”
Marlena stood quietly in the frame of the doorway, hoping that the man who had been a few steps behind her, had not heard what was being said. The expression on his dark face told her hopes were all for naught. She turned to him, her hands up in a gesture that begged him not to interrupt the moment being shared by a mother, what amounted to her adopted son, and the child they both loved dearly.
Stefano stared into the room and shook his head, also struck by the inescapable and wrenchingly painful sight of a tiny little body hooked up to so much machinery. “It’s alright Marlena, I’ll wait a few minutes before I go in.”
“Thank you, Stefano, that’s very….” She stopped short, somehow unable to find the right word.
“Thoughtful?” he suggested, turning toward her. “Is that what you were going to say?”
“Yes, that’s about right. Thank you for not taking that away from John, his role as a parent to Evan. He really loves that little boy, you know that…”
Stefano nodded and replied in a way that sounded like fatherly pride, “Yes, I do know that. It’s obvious to everyone who has ever seen them together.”
Marlena sensed there was more to it and wasn’t a bit shy about asking, “But…”
A part of him he didn’t often acknowledge did not want to dash her hopes, yet he spoke with conviction about his perspective on the matter of Evan’s paternity. “But, he’s my son, Marlena. I won’t let this go on for very much longer, you must know that as well.”
“What do you expect to do, Stefano. Start a custody battle while Evan is fighting for his life. Whether or not he’s fully aware of what’s going on, the tension he senses between the two of you could cause him a serious setback….or worse.”
“No, Marlena, please try to relax. Of course I won’t do that. Whether you believe it or not, I love that baby and I care for John as well. They are my sons and I want what is best for both of them.”
“Oh, and what is that?”
Casting a lingering glance over at the child in question, Stefano shared his intentions. “I wish to share in the raising of Evan, that is all. I plan to have a formal legal agreement drawn up for the purpose of establishing regular unsupervised visitation, Marlena, nothing more, and nothing less.”
Seeing his hard expression, she became resigned to that reality and pushed for any details she could get, “When will you pursue it?”
“When Evan’s doctors can assure me he is able to handle it without any adverse effects,” Stefano said, staring in at the child he had created with the help of a surrogate mother.
“And what about John, what if he can’t handle it?”
“I’m sorry, but he’s a big boy, he’ll have to deal with it in his own way. From the very beginning, he has known there would be a day of reckoning, Marlena.”
“And your day of reckoning, when does that come, Stefano?” she said snidely.
“For what?”
Shaking her head in amazement that he could even ask the question, she answered with a condemning tone, “Oh, for everything you’ve done to hurt us, for taking Susan’s life. And that’s just for starters.”
Ignoring the first part of her statement, he said, “I know that you and John and all your friends and family do not want to believe me, but I had nothing to do with her untimely death, Marlena. Susan was killed by a man on the street, a man acting independently.”
“You’re right, I don’t believe you, Stefano, because it’s too improbable, that you of all people would get exactly what you wanted without even trying to make it happen. You thought if she died, you would automatically get the baby, that you could take Evan, but you didn’t count on her being smart enough to have a guardian appointed. “
“Marlena, I do not wish to discuss this with you any further. Whatever I did or did not think about Susan, is irrelevant to our present circumstances. Right now, I am focused on doing everything in my power to help Evan recover from this terrible ordeal and to keep him happy and healthy for the rest of his life.”
She scoffed at that, saying, “Your version of healthy and happy.”
“Yes,” he said with a slight nod of his head.
They looked inside the room again to see Caroline embracing the man she still loved like a son, and a discomfited silence settled over them.
Thinking about the bond between the two, she looked right at their nemesis and said, “You have to know that he’ll fight you, Stefano. It’ll take years and you’ll risk everything you’ve begun to build with him over these past few weeks. Have you thought about that?”
“Oh, you mean the fact that on a scale of one to ten, he hates me at about a nine and a half instead of ten?” Stefano asked, peering in at his two sons again, a part of him wishing for more than he might ever achieve in his relationship with them.
“It’s a start. Actually, I’d say it was a twelve a few months ago.”
He almost laughed at that, because it was probably true. “Yes, I suppose you are right.” After a pause, in which he seemed to contemplate what his response should be, he said, “What would you have me do, Marlena?”
“Let him go, Stefano. Let John raise him. He’ll tell Evan about you when he’s ready, and you’ll have your chance to be a part of Evan’s life without threatening John’s relationship with him, or with you. As his grandfather.”
It was fascinating to observe the man’s reaction to her suggestion. For the first time ever in her recollection, Stefano Dimera actually seemed to listen, the features of his face softening as he considered what the wife of his long time enemy had suggested. Without uttering another word, the man turned around and took his leave.
Fear and Loathing
The three of them sat in silence in the pediatric oncologist’s office, waiting for news on the outcome of the procedure.
“Damn this infernal waiting! The oncologist assured us that I am a perfect match for Evan. What is taking them so long?” Stefano bellowed impatiently.
Marlena answered, “Stefano, please try to stay calm, it takes time.”
In contrast to Stefano’s visible agitation, John had been uncharacteristically quiet and it worried her. She knew the guilt was still plaguing him, guilt for not being the one to donate bone marrow. He’d been sitting on the couch with his head in his hands for almost an hour and didn’t even look up when Stefano yelled.
She walked across the room to join him. “John, honey… are you alright?” she asked, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Still he said nothing. It wasn’t until she touched him on the head and then his right cheek that he finally seemed aware of her presence. “What… oh, hi Doc.”
“John, didn’t you hear me?”
“Uh, yea, I uh…. I’m fine.”
She shook her head and said, “No, you’re not fine. John, you haven’t eaten a thing or said more than two words today. What’s going on inside that head of yours?”
“What do you think? I’m worried about Evan and what’s going to happen to him.”
“Yes, we all are, John… but there’s something else–something that has you distant and preoccupied. What is it?”
“I’m just…oh, I don’t know, Doc… I couldn’t explain it if I tried.”
“Try anyway, John.”
Her husband let out a weary sigh and said, “It should have been me, Doc.I wanted to be the one to save Evan and I don’t understand why it had to be him instead,” John finished, casting a quick glance at Stefano to make sure he wasn’t listening to their conversation.
“I know that’s how you feel and I understand it, John, but please don’t forget what’s most important here.”
“I’m not, I mean I won’t, it’s just… I don’t know…what to think about it, or how to…feel.”
“About Stefano you mean.”
John only nodded and breathed a confused sigh, one that belied his relief as well. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to him, I really am…”
“But…there’s more….”
“Yea… only I’m not sure what.”
It seemed like forever, but then suddenly there were hearing the news for which they’d waited so long. It took a moment for the doctor’s words to register.
“Well, Evan is resting comfortably. The procedure itself was a success. Now, all we can do is wait and see if the bone marrow transplant gives Evan what he needs to fight the cancer and win.”
“How long will it be before we know?”
“We should be able to tell over the course of the next few weeks whether it’s a success.”
John sighed and leaned into his wife, who hugged him tight.
Stefano stood up without saying a word and left them alone to wonder what he was thinking. John watched him go and thought it might have been the first time he ever saw the man with an expression that indicated he felt helpless. That was a state of being which the man had attempted to impose on John Black and many others through the years, but had seldom, if ever, experienced for himself. This one time, John felt exactly the same way for the same reason, and knowing that was a very strange sensation.
Seeing that her man was deep in though again, Marlena asked about it, “Honey, what is it?”
“Powerless… he feels…powerless,” John said as he stood up, not as much in reply to his wife as to himself and the air around him.
“Yes.. and he hates it.”
“With a passion…Doc…I don’t…get him. This is a…”
“A side of him you didn’t believe was there.”
John chuckled, marveling at her insight into his psyche. “Yea…I mean… it seems like he, like he actually cares.”
“He does, John… in his way, he loves Evan. And you as well, or he’s trying to learn how to love you.”
“You really think so… that he’s capable of genuinely loving someone?”
“In his limited way, yes… Can he learn to love someone freely and completely and let them be who and what they are without his interference? I highly doubt it.”
“Speaking of that… did you have a talk with him or something?” John said, thinking about it further.
“Why….”
Walking around the room as he spoke, John explained the differences in the man’s behavior of late. “Because… he hasn’t been so possessive of Evan lately. Whenever I come around he’s real quick to hand the baby to me. He doesn’t stay a long time when he knows I want to be with Evan alone. It’s almost like he’s….letting go…like he’s willing to back off and be the grandfather.”
She smiled, pleased with the turn of events. “Oh, really… I’m amazed.”
“Me too… I wouldn’t have thought he had it in him to do that.”
“Me neither.”
“So you did then?”
“What?”
Her husband pushed out a sigh of frustration. “Have a talk with him.”
“Alright, if you must know. Yes, I had a talk with him.”
“Why, when… what did you say?”
“It was a couple of weeks ago. I merely suggested that he think about what would happen if he kept pushing. I asked him to consider backing off and letting you raise Evan, because if he didn’t he was risking the loss of both his sons.”
“Woah… and he actually listened to you?” John was positively shocked and nearly lost his balance for a moment.
Reaching out a hand to steady her husband, she answered, “Yes, he did. For the first time, I think he really heard what I was saying and took it to heart. John, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think he’s really changing this time.”
Her husband had no reply, he just kept shaking his head in disbelief. “John… honey, are you alright?”
“I don’t know… This is…all so.. unreal.”
“I agree.”
There was a long silence that followed with husband and wife contemplating all that had come to pass in recent weeks. Finally, John looked at Marlena and shared a thought he’d been chewing on for awhile. “Doc…I think you’re right. He’s changing and I’m finding it hard to…”
“Hard to what, John? Hard to believe?”
“No… hard to hate him. I still want to hate him, Marlena, but I…. I… don’t think I do. At least not in quite the same way as before.” The expression on his face was one of confusion with a trace of the old pain, but none of the bitter anger remained.
“I know… I don’t either, John. I don’t trust him and I don’t care for him, but I don’t hate him anymore. It feels so strange, doesn’t it?”
He nodded and let a sigh born of mixed emotions. “Yea… really strange. He’s my father…and he just saved Evan’s life…my adopted son who turned out to be my little brother. Now that is strange.”
“John, do you want to get to know him now, in a different way, like Lexie suggested?”
“I don’t know, Doc… I don’t think I can ever get past what he did to me… and to you, to the Brady family. Like you said, I’ll never really trust him, so I don’t know what the point would be.”
“The point would be to spend a little time with him. Bring Evan over to see him. Talk to him like a son talks to a father he never had a chance to know. See what happens.”
“I suppose it couldn’t hurt too much to do that. We’ll see…”
With that, they left the lounge to go visit their little guy. Even if they couldn’t hold him right away, it would be of great comfort to see him again.
Five days later:
Stepping out onto the deck, John noted that the sun was shining brightly in a clear blue sky and it seemed like the perfect day for a stroll in the park. He stepped back inside and called out to his wife, who was busy making a light breakfast, “Hey, Doc… what do you say we take the kids out to the park this afternoon. It looks like it’s going to be nice and warm. I think it might do Evan some good to see the sun.”
“Well, John, I don’t know… he’s awfully vulnerable.”
“Doc, we can’t keep him cooped up in this house forever. He needs to get out there and see what the world has to offer, don’t you think?”
“Alright, but just for a little while.”
“Great, I’ll get the kids and their stuff ready while you pack us a picnic, how’s that sound?”
“It sounds, good, John. Life has been so stressful lately, I think we all need this outing. We need to have a little fun.”
“My sentiments exactly, Marlena. So, let’s get ready to have a good time,” he said, his excitement catching.
A couple of hours later, the kids were playing on the swings and climbing structure at the park while their parents sat on a nearby bench to watch them from a short distance. Marlena noticed that John had gotten quiet again and looked over to see him staring into the stroller at Evan, who had used up all his energy and was sleeping soundly.
Placing a hand on her husband’s back, Marlena spoke softly, “How are you holding up?”
He didn’t look at her, at least not completely, but he tried to smile for her. “Who me, I’m fine, Doc,” he said unconvincingly.
“John, it’s okay to admit that you’re worried about him.”
“I know… just doesn’t do any good. Doesn’t stop me from wishing it was me…. God, it should have been me who got sick. Not Evan… he’s so… innocent… he doesn’t deserve to suffer like this, Doc. I still don’t understand how God can let this kind of thing happen to a child.”
“John, you have to believe that he’s going to get well. Try not to focus on the things you can’t change. It only causes you more pain.”
He nodded and pushed out a breath. “Yea, I know…. It’s just so hard to see him suffer. He should be playing with Belle and Brady, you know?”
“Yes, he should… let’s hope he will be soon.”
“Soon… yea, that’s probably it. Thanks, Marlena. Listen, I’m sorry if I kinda….disappear on ya from time to time. I don’t mean to shut you out. It’s just hard to talk about. I don’t’ know what to say.”
“I know, John… it’s okay, I understand.”
Three weeks later, while Evan was being examined, they were having another discussion about Stefano and his presence in their lives. Just as they were about to address the issue of how he may have saved Evan and what he might want in return, two doctors came into the waiting room, a grim expression on their both their faces. One of them was Lexie Carver, the other the pediatric oncologist, Dr. Masters.
Stefano, who entered the room a few moments afterward, stepped around to face them, and John and Marlena reached a standing position before the door closed behind the two medical professionals. “What… what is it, Lexie?” John and Marlena asked in tandem.
“I’m sorry… up until a short while ago, we were planning to come in here with completely good news, that the transplant was a total success.
“But now…”
“Now, it appears that Evan has slipped into a coma. His white count is way off the charts. We hope it’s a mechanism of healing for him, but we can’t be certain what caused it to happen.
“Oh my God…” He’d been a little more irritable than usual, his temp was up, and they’d brought him early for his follow up appointment. But, now suddenly Evan was back in the hospital, his life hanging in the balance. Marlena instantly second guessed every move they had made, including the trip to the park.
“Can we see him?” John asked worriedly, wanting to hold his little boy more than anything in all the world.
Lexie couldn’t say it, so she let her colleague, who was in charge of the case anyway, “I’m sorry, but his condition has deteriorated very quickly. He’s just too weak and we’re concerned that his immune system is much too compromised to allow any contact at all. He’s in intensive care on a ventilator. You’ll be able to see him through a viewing window.”
John and Stefano had no verbal response, both closing their eyes tight, possibly holding back tears. Marlena was able to manage a quick, “Thank you, doctors,” before the two physicians left the room.
Both doctors nodded slightly but said nothing further, each of them thinking that this was the most difficult aspect of their work. They could only hope and pray that
Such a tiny little guy, Evan was dwarfed by the machinery designed to control and monitor his life signs. It was heart-wrenching sight for anyone, but worse for the parents.
John Black stood there, staring through the window for hours on end. He wouldn’t take a break no matter what Marlena or anyone else said to him, including the doctors. He hadn’t rested, eaten or had anything to drink for 48 hours. It was at the point she was thinking about having him sedated so at least he’d sleep for a few hours.
Finally, she stood next to him, thinking at the very least she would catch him when he collapsed. “John, honey… you have to rest… you’re exhausted, you haven’t eaten..”
He said nothing, but shook his head. “John, I’m serious… you won’t do him any good if you end up in a hospital bed too.”
Still, there was no response. He continued to stare through the window, apparently willing his son to come out of the coma and be alright.
John, I’m speaking like a doctor now…you have to take a break.”
Finally, though he didn’t look at her, John gave her some indication that what she was saying had registered. “I can’t, Doc… I can’t leave him.”
She put a hand on his right shoulder and started rubbing it in a slow circular motion. “John, please… just for a few minutes. We’ll take a little walk, get a bite to eat… and you can take a short nap.”
He shook his head firmly. “No, no naps,” he insisted.
“Alright.” Marlena decided not to push it. Eventually, he would be so worn out that he would begin to doze off and when that finally happened, she would have him sedated for his own good. When her husband woke up, he’d be mad as heck, but at least he’d be well rested.
One of the nurses pulled Marlena aside and John went right back to the window. “Dr. Evans… how can we help? We’re concerned about him too.”
She issued a tired sigh, “Well, to be frank with you, I’m considering the idea of sedating him against his will.”
“Oh, gosh, I don’t know about that,” the young woman answered uncertainly.
“It’s not something I would do lightly, but I’m very worried about him.”
The young nurse nodded her understanding and left Marlena alone to contemplate her next move. Finally, she approached the man she loved again and decided to go with getting him to eat something. “John, honey…at least come with me to the cafeteria….we’ll just be gone for a little while.”
As he was about to protest, John heard another voice saying, “Do what she says, John….take a break. I’ll stay and watch over Evan while you’re gone. I promise to come and get you if anything changes. “
John turned to face the man who had uttered those words, at first saying nothing at all in response, instead examining the man and his motives. “Where have you been, Stefano… you say you love him, but you’ve been gone for hours, almost a day in fact.”
“I was checking with my people, researching the world’s best pediatric oncologists and contacting them in case we need them to help save Evan’s life.”
Chagrined, John apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry…thank you, I uh… I guess I didn’t think to do that.”
“It’s alright, John… you were very worried, focused on your….son, that’s perfectly understandable. Now, why don’t you go with Marlena and take a short rest. I will be here and I won’t take my eyes off of him.”
He nodded and gave Stefano a look that expressed gratitude and relief, but said nothing. Then he reached for Marlena’s hand and she grasped it tightly as they turned to take their leave.
Stefano watched them walk hand in hand toward the hospital cafeteria, thinking how surreal it all was. ‘My son…John Black. My sworn enemy of so many years, is my son…’
How could it be that he had genuine feelings of concern for how that man was holding up under the strain of coping with his adopted little boy’s illness?
“He loves Evan…he really does care,” John finally said to break the silence, as he and Marlena got closer to the cafeteria.
“Yes, I believe he does, John. And he’s trying to love you too.”
“Wow, I uh… I just… don’t know how to take it,” John said, with a slight chuckle. “I’ve hated him for so long… and that hatred drove me, kept me going when I felt like I had nothing else to live for…. “
She reached out and placed her slender hands in his. “I know that, John… I know it did. And now, you have to find a way to let it go… let go of the hatred and the anger and the bitterness at the pain he caused you.”
After finding an empty table in quiet corner, he sat down and looked up at her. “How, Doc… how do I do that? I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this and I really don’t know.”
Marlena joined him in sitting down, “John, honey, I think you know it’s not something that will happen overnight. It’s a slow process and you’re already making progress. That’s what all the confusion has been about these past few weeks, you’re learning to see him through different eyes, John.”
He shook his head and let out a sigh that embodied a myriad of conflicting emotions. “A son’s eyes….woah, sometimes it’s just… too much to take, Doc. I can’t…. believe it. What kind of a sick joke has God played on all of us to make that man be my father?”
“I know it’s hard to accept, but John… if you take it slow and let things happen naturally, maybe it’ll be alright in time. Maybe you’ll come to…”
“What… maybe we’ll have picnics, go to the movies, pour over family photo albums together? I don’t think so!” he said, finding some comfort in the fact that traces of the old fire still burned inside him.
She leaned across the table and took his face in her hands, imploring the man she loved to heed her advice, “John, listen to me….you don’t need this anger anymore. You survived what he did to you… you have friends and family. You have me, and our children, including Evan. You don’t need the anger. Let it go… John, just let it go…”
Appreciating her argument, but still not quite sharing her perspective, he pulled back and denied her, “I can’t, Doc… not completely, because there’s something you seem to keep forgetting. He stole my life from me. He stole my past… and all these years I’ve never regained my memories. How can I look at that man, knowing that he took so much… and call him father? And how can you expect me to just let it all go?”
“What good can come from the hatred, John…. all this anger, it causes damage. It hurts you and it keeps you from letting people into your heart.”
“If he tells me what I need to know about my past, then maybe I’ll try a little harder,” he said, as if to compromise.
“Oh, John…. you are so stubborn sometimes!” she said, feeling exasperated with him.
He smirked. “Yea, I know… I think I must come by it naturally, you know, like father like son,” he said sarcastically, thinking how bizarre even that was to contemplate.
Marlena let out a long sigh of total frustration. ‘Oh… now I have to deal with two of them. Ugh!’ she said to herself. Walking across the room to pour herself a cup of coffee, she offered up a silent prayer that Brady and Evan weren’t going to share that trait.
‘He must need the anger now, when he feels so helpless to do anything for Evan,’ she was thinking as she glanced over at him, having switched into psychiatrist mode for a moment or two. ‘Maybe it gives him the energy he needs to keep going, ’
And then she did the only thing she knew to do to positively impact the situation. She prayed, ‘Oh, Dear God… please, bring healing into all of our lives. Restore Evan to health, and allow John to find some measure of peace about his history with Stefano, so that he can truly move forward with his life, with our life. Amen.’
The Jarlena Journal 