Chapter One “A Plan In Motion”
”May I have this dance?” John asked softly as he offered Marlena his hand.
She looked up at him and she felt confused, as she always did when he was around her. She wasn’t sure what to answer, she couldn’t decide whether to dance with him or not.
All John could think was, ’just say yes, just say yes.’ He could see the uncertainty in her eyes and it pained him so that she was even remotely unsure of his intentions. As his constant frustration grew stronger, he said, ”Doc, come on, it’s just one dance.” It had been so long since the last time that he even was in the same room as her, and now he ached to be close to her.
’If she could only just take my hand,’ he thought. ’Just touch me.’
”You’re not supposed to call me that,” she said shyly, and felt a bit ashamed for saying that, because on some level she realized how silly it was. What did it matter that he called her Doc?
Hearing her say that, made John angry, but he was able to compose himself and not show it. This was his last shot at getting her back, and he was determined to do just that. ”Sorry,” he said as he lowered his head. Still, he was completely focused and he wouldn’t take no for an answer, but he wouldn’t make a scene. He had to display a sense of decorum, because he could not, and would not upset her. If he did, his plan would blow up in his face.
Marlena could sense how sad she had made him, and that he really was sorry. She felt bad. ”Alright,” she said. “One dance.”
John’s face lit up. He smiled slightly at her as she took his hand and let him lead her to the dance floor. Marlena rested one hand on John’s shoulder and the other she joined with his. Their eyes were fixed on one another. John looked deeply, deeply into Marlena’s green, beautiful eyes and she felt chills travelling through her body. She let out a small gasp as the emotion caught her by surprise.
”Are you alright?” John asked in concern.
”Yes,” Marlena assured him, ”I am just fine.”
John hated the fact that Marlena was so formal when talking to him, like they were strangers. Even though he understood he was practically a stranger to her, it annoyed him to no end. She was the one he loved. And she felt like she had to be very polite? That was just wrong.
They were now twirling slowly and softly in the middle of the dance floor along with some other dancing couples. John’s left hand was holding Marlena’s right, his fingers through hers, as he slowly ran his right hand from her shoulder down her arm heading for her back. He ran it gently over her waist and settled it right above her buttocks as he watched her carefully. He never let is eyes leave hers. She didn’t stop looking at him either and it was almost as if they were stuck that way.
John stepped closer to her, and as their heads slowly started drifting closer to the other, Marlena felt the nervousness coming over her and that’s when she first forced herself to fix her eyes on something else in the room. John sensed she was getting nervous and lightly started rubbing her back with his hand as he gently, gently tightened his grip around her, pulling her closer to him. Normally, this would calm her down and make her feel safe, right there in his strong arms. Not anymore.
He placed his head next to hers and carefully breathed his warm breath onto her neck. She was near him – he was alive. Her light curls tickled his face as she closed her eyes and let her head rest against John’s cheek.
John realized he had to act quickly, but still not too fast, he had to make her feel him completely – trust him – and he could not do that if he moved too fast. But, ’So far so good,’ he thought.
Her body was against his, and it was warm and soft, just the way he remembered it. He treasured this moment – if it were their last, he didn’t know, but he did know that it very well could be. ’Let’s not make it so,’ he thought for himself.
John softly untangled their fingers – none of them speaking, John knew Marlena wouldn’t know where to put her hand, so he gently took her wrist and lead her hand to rest on his back, bringing them even closer together. Then, he slowly raised his hand to Marlena’s face to caress her cheek lovingly.
Marlena felt like John’s touch was light as a feather against her skin, and it was familiar, she had felt just like this before. She realized that she felt completely relaxed all of a sudden, and so safe. Enjoying the emotion, she smiled for herself and pressed her body against John’s.
John felt so much love for Marlena at that moment. He pinched his eyes and breathed out, in an effort to get a hold of himself – he was not to lose focus. As he laid his other hand on her back, he hugged her even closer to him. He let both his hands stroke her back gently, as her breathing became deeper. He then hid his hand underneath her hair in her neck as he carefully caressed her most sensitive spots in the area. He knew that if she had remembered their past, if she had been herself – so to speak – she would have been so teased by his fingers gliding across her skin, his breath against her face and his body pressed so very close to hers.
She was not teased; she was relaxed, aroused – she just did not know it yet, as she did not quite recognize the feeling. Of course Alex had aroused her at times, but… Nothing was like the way John made her feel. Since she didn’t remember anything about John, she could not recall the way he used to make her feel either. Yet…
The one hand that still rested on her back, John moved further down to start fiddling with her shirt – his fingers discreetly touching her soft skin in the small space between her jeans and her shirt. Marlena moaned silently into John’s ear as the depth of her breathing increased. She let her head down to his shoulder, not with the intention to press her lips against him, but so it happened.
John was feeling confident that his plan would work, but right now all he wanted was to take his beautiful girl away with him. And even though Marlena didn’t remember anything about their past, her body did. She did not notice, but her body responded so naturally, and so strong, to John’s touch. And it was so natural that she didn’t even notice it, she barely even heard her own little moans that escaped her mouth.
John looked around the room, to make sure Alex wasn’t back, before he introduced his hand underneath Marlena’s shirt. Doing this, his movements were ever so slowly, to make sure he would detect any awkwardness or uncertainty in Marlena before moving his hand even further under her clothes. He wouldn’t want to move too fast, that might confuse her. But he was convinced that if he only moved slowly enough, he would be able to make her remember “the feeling” without having to think twice about if it was right or not. It would just feel right at once, and she’d know.
“Mm,” John uttered unintentionally as he rubbed the bare skin on her back. She had the softest skin he had ever touched, and it tasted good too. How he longed to taste it again, even if it was just once more.
“Oh,” Marlena breathed in reply.
She removed her arms from him for just a second, causing their bodies and faces to part, and their eyes to meet once again. She instantly felt the need to be that close to him again, and quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her forehead against his.
It had come to the point where she didn’t think, she only felt. She felt him. Just as John had anticipated. And it was so right, so right. She didn’t know why, and she didn’t care why, because she knew this was where she was supposed to be.
Their eyes closed again, making every emotion stronger. Their hearts were beating hard in their chests. John was pleading to kiss her, but he knew he couldn’t, and not doing that required all the strength and willpower he possessed. He felt her warm breath against his lips and face, and as she breathed out, he breathed in.
But there’s only so much a person can take.
Her lips slowly approached his, but he knew they couldn’t, they just couldn’t kiss right now. ‘Don’t do this to me,’ he thought. If he could resist her now, he knew his plan would work, because he had her right where he wanted her, he just hadn’t been thinking about how hard this part of it all would be. But he had so much to gain if he could just keep his – so far – good self-discipline.
Just as her lips reached his and grazed them so lightly, John unwillingly turned his face away and tenderly kissed her cheek instead. But oh, did it pain him to turn her down like that. He almost felt like he was betraying her. Seducing her like that – because that was what he had done – and then not letting her kiss him. But he decided to try and pretend like it was one of their games they used to play, where he just wasn’t allowed to kiss her, no matter what she did to him – only this time, tables were turned.
And this time, he was determined to win, which, usually he didn’t. He could never resist her, unless it was a matter of life and death, which this was to him.
“Oh, Marlena,” he whispered as he placed more kisses down her neck. But that was enough; he wasn’t supposed to kiss her at all, even if he wasn’t kissing her on the lips.
He stayed still inches from her skin and breathed onto it, leaving it damp and warm, creating an overwhelmingly wonderful sensation within her body.
Marlena leaned onto John and wrapped her arms a bit tighter around him as her knees were starting to feel weak.
John’s hands were all over her, not leaving any spot that he could reach untouched. He ran his hands from her waist and stopped each hand right beside either breast, only touching them slightly with his thumbs, after making sure Alex was not in the room to see it. Marlena breathed heavily onto John’s skin as her lips touched him. She didn’t know what to do with all these emotions that came to her.
“John,” she pleaded, “oh John.”
“What?”
“I-I… I just,” she stammered as she breathed, not knowing what she wanted to say.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” John promised. He knew.
“Hm,” she moaned.
They kept touching and caressing each other lovingly, and even though everything they did was done very, very discreetly – the emotions Marlena felt were everything but discreet.
When Alex entered the room, Marlena was so lost in John that she didn’t see him even though she looked right at him. Alex was furious, of course, seeing Marlena and John like this. He reached down in his pocket and took out the necklace-like object, the one he used to hypnotize and manipulate Marlena with. He held it up to Marlena so that she would see it. And even though she looked right at Alex still, she did not see it. It was like she and John were the only ones in the room, the only ones in the world – they existed alone.
Not seeing Alex or the necklace, she closed her eyes again and concentrated on John’s touch on her body as she buried her face in his neck, breathing onto him. Her lips against his skin felt so good to him. Oh, he had missed her so. He wanted so much to tell her how he loved her with every fiber of his being, oh, how he loved her. So, so much, and he could never let her go. Never.
So came the voice, the voice that cut like a knife through the air, the voice of Alex. Him also wanting to keep the decorum and not make a scene, said, “I don’t think this is very appropriate.” He would always appear to be the loving long lost husband, and John would be the jealous, very, very dangerous ex.
Marlena did not hear him, and John pretended not to. Oh, man, was John enjoying this. He smiled to himself. Hm, did he smell victory?
“Let her go damn it!” Alex yelled, waking Marlena from her trance.
Almost…
Marlena, still holding on to John, turned to Alex, as did John.
“I’m sorry North, I didn’t catch that?” John said as he tilted his head, much aware that he had provoked Alex a great deal.
He talked slowly. “Let her go, now, John.”
Marlena looked up at John again, John looking back at her. The expression on her face was asking John to please not let her go.
‘Please.’ It was like reading a book. ‘Please,’ her face read, ‘don’t leave, please don’t let me go.’
“I don’t know,” John said as he eyed his enemy. “That depends on Marlena.” Looking at Marlena again, he slowly lifted his hand to her face and carefully touched her, as though she was made of thin, thin glass. “Is that okay with you?” he asked sincerely.
Marlena was unable to speak. She was so confused. She opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Her eyes were fixed on John’s and as she saw the way he looked at her, she forgot the question.
“Come on darling,” North demanded, beginning to feel rather impatient, and so he grabbed her by her arm and tried to pull her away from John. He could not do that. John pretended Alex did not exist, and Marlena just didn’t seem to feel him there.
Her arms were wrapped too tight around John. And as Alex tried to pull her away, she instinctively took a hold of John’s shirt and clutched.
As she realized she had been asked something, she shook her head and said, “Oh, I’m so sorry John, what was the question?”
“Alex says I should let you go. Do you want me to?”
Marlena looked at John with a very questioning face expression, wondering why he had asked her that. And as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, she answered:
“No.”
Alex North was out of ideas. But, as he was able to tear them apart, Marlena still held on to John’s hand, and she didn’t stop looking into his eyes for one second. As Alex finally ripped John’s hand away from her too, she gasped and covered her mouth with that hand, recalling his closeness, trying to hold on to that feeling for as long as she possibly could.
Even though he wanted to kill Alex for hurting Marlena, this was part of John’s plan, and he had no choice but to walk away. If he’d go, she would follow. He knew she would. Alex could not destroy the tense bond that was now rebuilt between John and Marlena, nothing could.
Chapter Two “When You’re Close To Me”
Suddenly she felt so cold inside. She breathed irregularly as she watched John turning his back, walking away. She watched him until she could no longer see him, but before he walked out, he turned to look at her. They exchanged looks. They both knew what it meant. It was a game now, and Marlena knew how to play it, she was just unaware about the fact that she was actually playing, and that she and John were winning.
She was so drawn to that door, the door through which he had walked out. Her eyes were fixed on that door, and she wouldn’t stop looking.
* * * * *
John, hiding in the elevator in the foyer, waited anxiously. Marlena came running into the foyer, her eyes searching for John.
She stopped in the middle of the room and looked around, but forgot to look in the elevator. As she did not see John anywhere, she crossed her arms over her chest and then covered her mouth with her hand as she started to cry. She could not stand the feeling of not being close to him. She needed to be near him so much. She didn’t know why, but she did. It had felt so safe in his embrace, his loving arms surrounding her. She wanted to feel like that again. Alex had never managed to make her feel that secure and safe, not even close.
In despair, she twirled around, searching for John once more, and just then Alex walked in.
“Marlena,” he said, coldly, “come on.”
“No,” she persisted, “I have to find him. I have to find him.” She was desperate.
Alex took out the necklace again, and held it up to her as he said, “No Marlena, you don’t. You don’t have to find him; you don’t want to find him.”
Finally John understood. Alex had been hypnotizing her all this time so that she would not remember. He knew it!
“What the hell North!” He said as he walked out of the elevator, revealing himself. Marlena at once recognized his voice and turned to him. The need to be close to John, to feel safe, was stronger than Alex’s mind games.
“Oh, John!” Marlena sobbed. She ran up to him and threw her arms around him, hiding her face in his shirt, breathing in his scent. John locked his arms around her and hugged her to him.
“I knew it,” he said in anger, “I’ll kill you for this,” he told Alex.
“You are not allowed to be around Marlena, John. Remember that restraining order?”
John hated that attitude that Alex had just now, like he knew everything and John was some psycho that didn’t understand anything. “Well, she wants to stay with me,” he said. “So you can take your damn restraining order shove it.” With that, he walked Marlena to the elevator to take her away from Alex.
But Alex wouldn’t give up that easily. He followed them, grabbed Marlena by her arm and said, “You’re not going anywhere with him.”
“Don’t touch her,” John said as he smacked his fist hard in Alex’s face. Then he took Marlena and ran into the elevator. Marlena ran into a corner of the elevator as John quickly pressed the button to take them to the 12th floor. As the doors closed, they both saw Alex running towards them, but he didn’t make it there until the doors were completely shut.
John looked over at Marlena as he leaned on his hands against the wall. They were both breathing fast from the little hit and run.
No dialogue was needed at this point. As John walked over to Marlena in the corner, he never let his eyes leave hers. As the elevator started moving upwards, he placed his hands on the wall on either side of her head, breathing onto her face. No longer crying, traces of tears wet
Marlena’s cheeks. She scrutinized him as he raised his hand to her face and gently wiped most of the tears away.
Marlena’s reaction was priceless to John. His touch had been so soft, almost tickling, and still she gasped and shut her eyes as if he had touched at some total other place on her body. “Mm,” she moaned quietly and breathed out.
Even though John had ‘won Marlena over’, he was afraid he would do something that might upset her. Whatever he would do, he didn’t want to move too fast, still. He felt he had her trust, and he would not lose it.
“John?” Marlena’s eyes were still shut.
“Yeah?”
She opened her eyes, looked into John’s pure, honest blues and said,
“When you’re close to me…” She didn’t really know how to put this, she didn’t want it to sound corny. “It just…”
“What?” John said and lovingly stroked a curl out of her face.
“Oh.” Again she reacted to his touch.
“Tell me,” he softly demanded.
“I feel like… I can’t be away from you. I’m so drawn to you.” As she said this, it was as if she were in a haze. She was not the same Marlena that she had been all these months that she had mostly spent with Alex. But she was not the ‘real’ Marlena either, the one John knew and loved so deeply. He did not recognize this Marlena either.
But he decided that it didn’t matter. Because as long as she was with him, she would start to remember, he was sure of it. He also came to the conclusion that, how could she be herself when Alex had been hypnotizing her for all these months? And now to be confused with all these feelings for John that she could not understand. Whatever behavior she displayed, it would be perfectly understandable, he gathered.
“I only want you to be close to me,” she continued, “I just want you close, that’s all I want.” She was almost sounding a bit desperate, which was a turn on, thought John.
“I want that too. But I also want you to remember. Do you?” He gave her a serious look.
Marlena looked back at him, with an expression that said, ‘I’m sorry.’
“No,” she then said. “But I want to, I want to, you know I do. Now more than ever.”
“Why now?” John asked.
“Because I remember this feeling… This feeling that… That you put in
I want to remember why you do that, why that happens.” She sobbed a little when she said this. “Why… I just want you near me,” she said matter-of-factly.
John leaned in closer to her. ‘This is it,’ he thought. He looked her in the eye, and as his face got closer to hers, she slowly closed her eyes again. He let his lips graze softly over her cheek, heading for her mouth. As their lips touched, they both opened their mouths slightly.
John’s eyes were also closed now, and before he decided to take her mouth into his, they just breathed into each other. Heavily, they breathed, into each other. Her breath was warm and damp, and he couldn’t wait to kiss her, but he wanted to do everything as slowly as was possible.
Marlena moaned desperately into his mouth, aching and waiting impatiently for the feeling of his tongue against hers.
John pressed his lips harder onto hers and slowly, with such care, he slipped his tongue into her mouth, kissing her carefully. How he had longed for this moment. And how he loved her, more than she could ever know.
He brought his hands down from the wall, placing one at her cheek and one at her waist, leaning his body onto hers. As their tongues were wrestling in between their mouths, the kiss grew more passionate with every second.
Marlena’s arms were wrapped tightly around John as she kissed him desperately. It somehow felt like such a relief to kiss him, like everything was just the way it should be. It was so, so familiar, but still she could not recall anything but the feeling.
John freed Marlena’s mouth from his and instead started placing wet kisses along her perfect neck. He was so turned on and he just wanted to let her know how much he loved her, but he was afraid that it would frighten her. So he remained silent about that, stopping himself from making a mistake.
She breathed loudly into his ear, onto his skin.
John prayed to god that no one else would get in this elevator.
Even though they could not possibly get any closer, John with his body weight on hers, she still somehow felt like she wanted to be closer. She was so frustrated, she didn’t know what to do with herself, and she could not for the world understand why she felt the urge to be this close to him. His kisses felt so good against her skin, but she wanted his mouth in hers, to have some piece of him inside her. Skin to skin was just not enough.
Grabbing John’s head, she brought his face to hers and joined their mouths, kissing him intensely. With her hands on his cheeks, she kissed him like she had never kissed anyone before, she believed.
John’s hands were under her shirt, desperately caressing her waist. Marlena, forgetting the fact that they were in a public place – in an elevator no less – brought her hands down to John’s belt to undo it.
Out of breath, John said, “Oh, no, baby wait, we have to wait.” This was beyond what he had expected. He had thought that he might be allowed to kiss her, but never that she would want to make love, not yet anyway. He had thought they could talk and that she would be able to trust him completely. But this, this… He could not resist this.
But then, what harm could it seriously do? In the elevator, well, there it could possibly do some harm…
Marlena looked at John, and she looked as if she could not understand why they had to wait. Then she realized what she had just done. “Oh. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she said in despair as she stepped away from John.
John was sad he had upset her. “No no, it’s alright,” he said. She was standing with her back against him, and he gently stroked her arms.
She arched her head back and breathed out, once again reacting so strongly to his touch. He walked closer to her and pulled her to him, letting her rest her body onto his. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he kissed her lovingly on the cheek. “It’s alright,” he repeated.
“I just feel that I need you so much. And I get so frustrated because I don’t even know why,” she explained.
“I know, but it’s okay. You will remember in time.” And just as he was about to bring up Alex by saying something like, ‘As long as you’re not under his control, it’s going to be okay’, he realized he had better not.
He figured it would be best if she was not reminded of Alex. That way she could focus more on John and remembering their life of love.
“I hope so,” she said in disbelief.
John turned her to him and held her by her shoulders . “You will,” he reassured. “You will.”
Just then, the elevator stopped. 12:th floor. “Come on,” John said as he took her hand in his and lead her out of the elevator.
“Where are we going?” Marlena asked.
“You’ll see,” John said mischievously.
They ran through the corridors, because after all, Alex was most definitely following them hard on the heels. John stopped at room 1216 and started digging in his pocket. Marlena was behind him, holding him around his chest. As John found the key to the room, he quickly unlocked the door. He looked around to make sure Alex wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and then they both walked inside.
As John locked the door again, shutting the rest of the world out, Marlena walked into the long room with full-length windows on the shorter wall right ahead. There was a double bed, a table and some chairs and a small built-in kitchen. The room was dark (well, no light was on) and a little cold, but cozy. It reminded her of a room she had been in before, but she didn’t know which room it was.
Suddenly she felt that John was watching her. She turned around, and there he was, that man that she wanted so badly to be close to. They stared at each other as John slowly approached her. No words were needed. When John was as close as he could possibly be without touching her, he slowly raised his hands to Marlena’s chest, carefully starting to unbutton her white blouse. He did it without letting his eyes off of hers, as if to get her approval.
Well, she approved alright.
As she let John continue unbuttoning her blouse, she breathed out, relieved that he was near her again. Placing her hands on his hips, she ran them up underneath his shirt, touching his warm, soft skin.
After he had undone the last button, he let his fingers slip in under the cloth of the blouse as he slowly slipped it off her shoulders, revealing her beautiful upper body. As he did this, Marlena leaned onto him, breathing onto his neck. She helped him get the blouse off by pulling her arms out of the sleeves. When the blouse dropped to the floor and her arms were free, she wrapped them around John’s neck and leaned her forehead against his. Just like in the elevator, they breathed into each other, feeling so very connected.
Marlena was unsure of what John would approve to and what he would not. She was aching to kiss him and to be even closer to him, but she didn’t dare. But when John’s face slowly came closer to hers, she couldn’t bare it anymore. Smacking her lips against his, she kissed him passionately. John held her tightly, his arms and hands caressing her back, then travelling to her shoulders, pulling the straps of her bra off of her shoulders.
Marlena and John both gave a start as they heard someone pulling at the door handle.
They looked to the door. “Security, open up,” an angry voice said.
“Damn, he found us,” John said as he held Marlena in his arms.
“Open up the door, or I will open it,” said the security.
“Marlena, darling, are you in there? I’m so worried about you,” Alex said from outside the room.
“Oh no, it’s Alex,” Marlena realized as she held on tighter to John. “I don’t want to go with him.” She buried her face in John’s safe chest. “I want to stay with you,” she pleaded in despair. John was relieved that she was finally giving in to her intuition, which that told her to stay with him, and stay away from Alex.
“It’s alright baby, I’m not going to let him take you away. You’re safe here with me, I promise. I won’t let him take you.”
Marlena believed in John’s words, and she felt so safe and loved where she was, right there in his loving embrace. As the door opened and security walked in along with Alex, Marlena held onto John for dear life, and was determined not to let go, as was John. As they stood united, Marlena felt as if they were in a war zone and that someone was just coming to take her only shelter away.
“Don’t let me go,” she begged, “don’t ever let me go.”
Chapter Three “Closer”
As the two men walked in, John pulled the straps of Marlena’s bra back up, and then covered Marlena’s upper body the best he could – all he had to cover her with was himself. Marlena leaned onto John, her breasts pressing against his chest, driving him insane. He had seen this coming but he needed so much for them to go away, he needed to be with his sweet, beautiful love.
“Marlena, thank god you’re okay,” Alex said as he walked towards them, and then he saw that she had no shirt on. “Oh, my god, what did he do to you?!”
Marlena was anxious to explain that John hadn’t hurt her. “He didn’t do anything-“
But she was interrupted. “You need to let the lady go,” security said and gave John a look.
“No! No!” Marlena exclaimed. “He didn’t hurt me, I want to stay here. John, John, please don’t let them take me away from you,” she pleaded with despair as she buried her face in his chest.
John calmly caressed her bare back as he looked at Alex and said, “I won’t.”
“You will too!” Alex bellowed. “Just look at what he’s done to her,” he said and looked at the security guy as he pointed at Marlena. “He’s probably going to rape her!” Alex was furious.
“Oh come on,” John said. “Look at her,” he told security. “Does it look like she’s feeling like I’m going to hurt her?”
“Well, maybe if you’d let her go, damn it, we could tell!” Alex kept on yelling.
“She doesn’t want me to let her go, you idiot!” John snapped back at Alex.
“Look,” security said, “there’s a restraining order against you, and whatever you say, you are not allowed to be with her.”
“What about what she says?” John asked.
“Well, I’ll have to talk to her alone, and then she’ll have to go to the police and sign some papers,” security explained.
“No!” Alex said.
“Yes! Yes,” Marlena exclaimed. “I want to do that, I don’t need a restraining order against John.”
“He’s going to hurt you Marlena, can’t you see that?” Alex tried to convince her. “You can’t let him do this, he’s manipulating you.”
“Oh, you’re one to talk!” John said in anger. “You’re the one who’s
been hypnotizing her and playing with her mind, having her think
you’re some damn hero, and instead all you’ve done is prevent her
from remembering.”
“Okay, everybody calm down!” the security guy yelled. “First off – you,” he continued and turned to Alex. “The restraining order has nothing to do with you whatsoever, so you have no say in the matter.”
“But-“ Alex tried, but security cut him off.
“And you,” he turned to John. “You have to let her go so that I can talk to her between four eyes.”
“Why, why do you have to do that?” Marlena asked in confusion, not wanting to leave John for two seconds.
“Because I can’t know if you’re under his influence right now,” security explained. “He could’ve threatened you to say everything that you have said.”
“But he didn’t,” Marlena tried to reassure him.
“And I believe you,” said security, “but I still have to make sure.”
“You can’t be serious,” Alex said. “Are you saying that you are going to leave her here with him if she says that’s okay?”
“I can’t see why not?” security said. “Come on.” He motioned for Marlena to come with him. Marlena looked up at John, wondering if she should really go.
“It’s alright,” he said and stroked her over the hair. “I won’t go anywhere.” Alex sighed at Johns words. Marlena still wasn’t sure and John could see the uncertainty in her eyes. “I PROMISE,” he vowed.
He let go of her and reached down, picked up her blouse and laid it over her back so that she could slip her arms into the sleeves. She looked into John’s eyes all the time, and he started to button the blouse.
“Hey!” Alex exclaimed. “She can do that on her own, pal.”
“I agree,” security said.
John stopped. He brought his hands to Marlena’s shoulders and rubbed them softly as Marlena finished buttoning the blouse.
“Let’s go,” security said as he started to walk out of the room. Marlena followed, as did Alex.
“Hello, what about him?” John wondered, referring to Alex.
“You get to stay here as well,” the security guy informed.
“What? She’s my wife, I want to make sure she’s okay.”
“If she’s not okay, you’ll know and you can be with her. AFTER I’ve talked to her.”
“This is insane, I’m her husband damn it!”
“Yes, but as you already know, the restraining order doesn’t concern you. Look, I’m just doing my job here, and the less you fight me, the less time this will take, alright? So just back off.” With that, him and Marlena walked out of the room into the corridor.
“Hear that North?” John said in a sarcastic voice. “It won’t take long. It won’t take long for her to remember everything and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. And then, we will call the police and they will have you arrested and taken to jail, where you belong.”
“I am NOT walking out of here without my wife,” Alex said in a confident voice, but really, he wasn’t that confident.
John laughed at his being so naive. “You’re funny,” he giggled. “And so stupid if you think that I will let you walk out of here with her – with MY wife, by the way – after what you’ve done to her.”
“I haven’t done anything to her, nothing that can be proven anyway.”
* * * * *
In the hotel corridor, another conversation was taking place.
“Are you alright?” Security started off.
“Yes I am alright. I just don’t want to be taken away from John,” Marlena explained.
“Why is there a restraining order against him then?”
“Well because… Alex thought he was bothering me, so he suggested we’d get one. And I thought it was a good idea… At the time… He was making me upset.”
“And now he’s not?”
Marlena smiled at the thought of the way John made her feel now.
“No,” she said.
“And he hasn’t hurt you or forced you to do or say anything you didn’t want to?”
“No, he hasn’t. He’d never hurt me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Marlena had no idea of how and why she was sure, but she was. Right now all she could do was to trust her instincts, and that’s what she did.
“Okay. So… You no longer want a restraining order against him, is that right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” he finished off and looked down at some papers, writing something on them. “Then I just need you to sign here,” he said and pointed onto the paper as he handed the pen over to Marlena. When she had signed, he said. “Okay then, it’s all done. Now all you have to do is you have to go to the police station and sign some other papers, but you don’t have to do that tonight, as long as you don’t wait too long before you do it. So now you are free to stay with John if you want to.”
“Good, thanks.” Marlena smiled at security and then walked back into the hotel room, already longing to be near John again.
* * * * *
“It’s all set,” security said as he walked back into the hotel room after Marlena.
Alex walked up to Marlena and grabbed her by her arms, looking into her eyes. “Are you alright dear? Let’s go.”
Security ignored Alex and instead informed John about the ‘new situation’. “You are now allowed around Marlena, but the restraining order isn’t withdrawn permanently yet, so if something happens to her while in your company, you will be arrested immediately.” Luckily, Alex didn’t hear that.
“Understood,” John said.
“And you let me know if there’s any trouble,” security said as he turned to Marlena.
“I will,” Marlena replied. John watched her and Alex carefully, and security guy headed elsewhere.
“Come on, let’s go,” Alex said as he attempted to drag Marlena with him out of the room.
“No, let me go, I want to stay with John,” Marlena said, trying to pull out of Alex’s grip.
“I won’t let you stay here with him,” Alex demanded.
“Guard!” John called, figuring security couldn’t have gone so far yet.
As much as John would like to punch Alex and throw him out, he knew that wouldn’t be a very smart move, considering the soon to be ex- restraining order, and also – Marlena trusted him. He wouldn’t jeopardize that now. “You will let her do anything she wants,” John told Alex as the security guy walked back in, a bit annoyed.
“What seems to be the problem now?” he asked.
“He’s trying to force her to go with him, and she doesn’t want to,” John explained. “I want him out of here, but he said he wouldn’t leave here without her, so could you please escort him out?”
“Come with me Mr. North,” security said.
* * * *
Alex left the room kicking and screaming – literally. In fact, the security guy even needed backup to get him to leave, so all the rest of the security guys of the hotel came and took him away.
John closed the door behind Alex and all the securities. He locked it, and then he turned to Marlena who was standing in the middle of the room, right by the bed. His heart was pounding hard, it was almost as if he was nervous, but he really wasn’t. He was longing so much to be with her, to hold her, to love her, to… To MAKE love to her.
Suddenly the situation had gotten a bit awkward – here they were, both of them knowing what was about to happen… But they had been interrupted, and now they were just standing there longing, needing to be with one another, but neither of them really knew how to act from here.
Okay, so it did make John a bit nervous. He admitted that to himself, but he was more anxious than nervous – anxious to be with her again, to have her in his arms and to protect her and tell her how deeply he cared for her.
He looked straight at her and she looked back at him and all he could think was, ‘I love her.’ But he didn’t have the courage to say it, he feared it would make her feel uncomfortable or scared or… He wasn’t really sure but he was afraid she’d react in a way he didn’t want her to.
It pained him so that he couldn’t tell her how much he loved her.
Still staring at each other, John saw that Marlena was trying to say something. And he recognized that look she had on her face – it was the one that told him she wanted to say something, she just didn’t know how to.
‘What? What is it?’ John thought for himself. He didn’t want to say it because he didn’t want to pressure her.
“You’re…” She hesitated. “You’re too far away.”
She had spoken straight from her heart. She didn’t know what else to say other than how she really felt. And that was how she felt – he wasn’t close enough, she wanted him close.
John was surprised at her words for some reason and wasn’t quite sure what to answer. So he decided not to answer. Instead he slowly walked up to her and put his warm, protective hand on the side of her face, gently caressing her cheek. She shut her eyes and smiled slightly, relieved that he was touching her again.
She took a step closer to him, reached up and softly kissed his lips as he pulled her to him and gently wrapped his arms around her.
“Are you alright?” John asked.
“I’m alright,” she answered.
“I can’t tell you how relieved I am that you’re close to me again,” John admitted. Marlena didn’t say anything. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of him, burying her face in his neck.
John stepped away from her and took her face in his hands. He looked deeply into her eyes for a while, and she looked back into his.
She was so filled with want, he could tell. He knew her every look, every expression. He knew more about here than she did herself, at least right now.
They were standing close to each other, their bodies warming the other. John leaned in and slipped his tongue into her mouth, taking her mouth with his. The kiss was deep, passionate, and so full of lust.
As they kissed, he started to unbutton her blouse again. As his hand accidentally grazed her breast, she moaned into his mouth.
When he had undone all the buttons, he slowly slipped his hands underneath the cloth and ran them over her collarbones and to her shoulders, letting the blouse slip off her body. As it fell to the floor,
Marlena grabbed John’s t-shirt and pulled it over his head, forcing their lips to separate, but only for a second. As soon as it was off, she claimed his mouth again, kissing him sweetly.
John broke the kiss and looked at her, breathing onto her face. His hands stroked her shoulders and travelled downwards to her breasts, gently caressing them through her bra.
“Oooh,” Marlena breathed, resting her forehead against John’s, closing her eyes as John’s hands kept traveling south. Reaching her jeans, he started to ever so carefully undo them, not 100% sure she would let him.
Marlena wrapped her arms around John’s neck as her lips grazed across his face. “Mh,” she moaned into his ear, letting him know that she was okay with it. As he had undone the button and the zipper, he slowly started to pull the jeans down her beautiful legs. He knelt, pulling the jeans all the way down, as Marlena stepped out of them.
He could hear her breathing, and he felt his pants tighten around his manhood as the blood flowing fast through his body made it harder.
“Oh, John,” Marlena mumbled as John rose. He touched her face as they looked into each other’s eyes. He let his face come closer to hers, and he could feel her warm breath on his lips as her hair tickled his face.
“Marlena?”
“Mm-hm?”
“Are you really, really sure about this?”
“Are you kidding?” she breathed out silently.
“I’m sorry, I just… I just don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret,” John explained.
“I won’t,” she assured him, “I won’t. You can make me remember. I know you can. I just know it.”
John gave her a look that told her he still wasn’t convinced.
“Don’t worry about me,” she said as she reached up and forced his mouth open with her own, and he couldn’t resist her, it wasn’t possible, not when she wanted him this much. He locked his arms around her body, the most exquisite, beautiful body there was.
Marlena didn’t want to wait any longer now. As their tongues dueled, she started to undo his jeans. When she had undone them, she slipped her hands underneath them and grabbed him through his boxers, making him groan.
Both Marlena and John being breathless, they had to stop kissing to get some air. They were breathing loudly, close to one another, completely focused on the other.
‘I love you,’ John thought. And he did, more than he ever had before, so how could he not tell her that?
“Doc, I-“
“I know,” she interrupted him.
‘No, she doesn’t know,’ he thought. ‘How could she possibly know?’ Suddenly John noticed tears forming in her eyes, and it scared him. He backed away, giving her space, but he took her face in his hands and softly stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked, the fear in his voice obvious.
She looked at him. “You called me Doc,” she sobbed.
John realized what he thought was a mistake. He lowered his head and cursed himself for calling her that. “I’m so sorry,” he said truthfully as he started to let her go.
Marlena instantly grabbed his wrists, pulling him back to her. “No,” she exclaimed. “I want you to call me that. It feels right,” she established.
John looked at her as he stepped back to stand close to her again, placing his hands on either side of her waist. He kissed her lightly on the lips before he skillfully licked the tears away from her cheeks, then moved back to her mouth, sliding his tongue into it, kissing her deeply as he wrapped his arms around her.
As he lifted her up as they kissed, she wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck and he walked over to the bed. She felt his hard erection against her hot center and moaned into his mouth as she pressed herself harder against him, wanting him inside of her. As she discreetly started rubbing herself against him, he gently laid her down on the sheets, himself on top of her, between her legs.
They kissed passionately and touched each other everywhere, breathing heavily from all the emotions flowing through their bodies – both of them possessing a powerful arousal growing stronger and stronger by every second. He felt warm against her and she kept pressing and rubbing herself against him, her sensitive clit against his blood-filled erection, an orgasm slowly starting to build inside of her.
Marlena brought her hands to John’s back and then down to his boxers, grabbing them and attempting to pull them down. But John was pressed so hard against her that the cloth was stuck in between them. As he realized this, he carefully lifted his hips so that Marlena could pull the last piece of clothing off of him.
John rolled over to lie beside her, facing her. As they continued to kiss, he brought his hands to her back and unbuttoned her bra. He released her lips and kissed her cheek and continued down to her neck as he took the bra off of her, tossing it across the room. His fingers followed his lips along her shoulder and eventually to her chest, softly stroking her breasts as he scrutinized them in awe.
Marlena exhaled and leaned her face against John’s, seeking for his lips with her own.
“You’re so beautiful, Doc,” John said.
She smiled. He had called her that again; he had called her Doc.
Marlena’s hands ran over John’s chest before she wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth, kissing his. John caressed her bare tummy and continued down to her panties. He gently slipped his hand down between her legs touching her through her panties, making her moan deeply into his mouth. He pressed his fingers onto her warm, aching center, driving her insane.
“Oh God, John,” she moaned as she broke the kiss, burying her face in his neck, sucking on his skin as he gently caressed her center.
“Mm, oh – closer,” she uttered in desperation and breathed out onto his skin. “Closer,” she repeated, softly whispering the word into his ear.
John could take a hint.
He moved his hand back to the edge of her panties and slipped his hand underneath them, discreetly moving one finger down into the wetness of her center.
“Oh, Jesus Doc,” John moaned.
“Oh, John, John.”
With his other hand, he started to pull the panties down. He kissed her neck, her breasts and then her stomach as he got the panties off her completely. When they were off, he went back up to kiss her face as he gently embraced her and pulled her to him.
“Ah.” Marlena almost screamed out when she felt the tip of his hard member poke her hot center. John rolled her over to her back and placed himself on top of her, his erection pressing hard against her clit. He wanted so much to be inside of her, but even at this point, he wanted to take things slow.
Touching, breathing, kissing, licking, sucking – loving. Making it.
John took Marlena’s face in his hands and forced her head back down to rest on the pillow. His face inches from hers; he just stared into her eyes for a while. Was it real? Was she really here, in his arms?
She looked back at him, none of them needing to say anything – the communication existed in their eyes.
John lowered his head and slid his tongue into Marlena’s mouth, kissing her deeply. Then, he lifted his hips slightly, placed the tip of his hardness onto her opening and ever so slowly, tenderly entered her.
Marlena couldn’t control herself. “Oooh,” she moaned roughly. “John,” she pleaded. Her arms were around his back, and she squeezed him tighter to her.
John started to gently thrust in and out of her and she was completely overwhelmed. All she could hear was his breath against her skin and all she could feel was his body upon hers, his touch – she didn’t even feel the bed underneath her, she couldn’t feel gravity, she couldn’t feel if the air was warm or cold – all she could feel was him. No one else existed; there were only the two of them in the universe.
John ran his hand down her body and began rubbing her clit with his thumb.
“Oh my God, John, mm,” Marlena whispered into his ear.
She was warm around him, and he was starting to get the signs of the orgasm building within her. “Come on baby, come for me,” he said as he increased the speed a little, and Marlena tightened her legs’ grip around his hips, pulling him deeper into her with every thrust he made.
He rubbed her clit more intensely and she screamed out in pleasure.
He increased his speed even more, and now he was also feeling that exquisite bliss starting to form inside of him.
With his free hand, he was touching her everywhere – her breasts, her face, her neck, her hair… He sucked the salty skin on her neck, leaving a mark – she was his.
They kissed intensely. They were connected in every way possible.
John kept increasing the speed, and they were rising together to that unexplainable high that couldn’t be seen. Marlena was feeling warm inside and all she wanted was to get to that high, and she felt it approaching, as did John.
He pumped hard in and out of her and they were so close, both of them, he could feel it everywhere inside him and inside her, none the less.
“Marlena,” John groaned.
“Oh, John,” she pleaded.
They screamed out each other’s names again as they went over the edge together. As they did, Marlena saw her life playing before her and she was surrounded by love and pleasure, and for a second she thought she had died and gone to some place where everything was holy and just wonderful. She felt as though nothing could ever break her, and she was free, safe in the arms of love.
She slowly drifted back to reality but that feeling of love and safety was still there – John was there.
He slid out of her and rolled over to lie beside her. He took her in his arms and pulled the blanket over their bodies, protecting her. “I love you,” he finally said. It felt so wrong to him to not have said it, so he just had to. “I love you so much,” he repeated.
Marlena couldn’t hear him. She was there and she was conscious but her body and mind were exhausted. And she already knew. She knew he loved her, she had felt it.
She fell asleep in his arms, in the arms of her everything, her life, her dreams. She knew what her life was now, she had gotten it back. She was back with the love of her life.
Chapter Four “Why Won’t You Touch Me?”
John awoke slowly, smiling to himself, remembering that Marlena was with him again. Wanting to be close to her, he rolled over in the bed, about to put his arm around her. To his surprise, his arm landed on the mattress, and he quickly opened his eyes, looking for her but couldn’t see her. Had she left? Was it a dream? A million questions popped into his head as he sat up and looked around the room, and he was relieved to see her standing just a few feet away from the bed staring out into the night through the window. It was still dark outside and he glanced at the clock beside the bed to see that it showed 3:13.
Marlena was wearing his shirt – only his shirt. John thought the room was chilly and figured she must be cold. He rose from the bed in silence, wrapping the blanket around him, not wanting to expose his skin to the cold air. His first instinct was to just take her in his arms and hold her tight, because he sensed that something was wrong. But he couldn’t do that because obviously she didn’t remember anything, he thought, because if she did, she would have told him.
Marlena had heard John getting out of bed and she thought to herself,
‘Please, please just touch me.’ Tears streamed down her face – she had missed him. She was desperate to be close to him but she blamed herself for what had happened and felt like she couldn’t ask that of him, especially considering what had happened between her and Roman in the castle.
More tears unstoppably made their way down her face as she heard
John’s voice.
“Doc? Are you alright?” He didn’t touch her; he wasn’t even close to her.
“Why won’t you touch me?” She wondered sincerely, only wanting to know how he felt about the whole situation, if he was angry with her, if he wanted to be with her again… Because she honestly didn’t know.
John sighed in relief. He stepped closer to her, opening up the blanket, his naked body against hers as he wrapped his arms around her along with the blanket.
“Hm…” Marlena moaned softly, overwhelmed by his closeness.
He kissed her shoulder before he said, “I wasn’t sure if you would be okay with it.”
She cried silently at his words, despaired over the fact that he didn’t know that being near him was all she wanted. “I would,” she sobbed. “I really would.” She pressed her head against his as he placed feather light kisses along her neck. “John,” she said.
“Yeah?”
She turned around in is arms and looked into his sensitive, blue eyes.
She brought her hand to his face and stroked him gently.
Suddenly he saw it – he saw HER, she was back. He saw it in her eyes, that glow was back, that glow that he hadn’t seen in months. He felt it in her touch, in the way that she looked at him, in the way her lips moved when she spoke.
“John, I,” she started. “I remember.”
John wasn’t expecting that and had to make sure that he had heard right. He pulled away from her and grabbed her by her shoulders.
“You remember?” he asked and lowered his head to look straight into her eyes.
“I do,” Marlena cried.
“What do you remember?” he wondered, not realizing that she remembered it all.
She hesitated before she spoke. “Everything,” she whispered. “I remember you, I remember our life and,” she hesitated again. “How much I love you.” Tears formed in her eyes again and she brought her hand to her face to cover her mouth.
John looked at her in shock; he couldn’t believe it.
“It’s me,” she continued, “I’m back.”
“Doc?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh god,” John exclaimed and locked his strong arms around her, breathing a sigh of relief. “Thank god.”
“I love you,” she whispered in his ear. “I love you so much John, you’re the only one I love,” she said as she cried, feeling desperate to let him know her true feelings.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that,” John told her as he pulled away from her slightly to look at her face, taking it in his hands. “I love you too baby, more than anything. I love you so much.” Slipping his tongue into her mouth, he kissed her intensely, taking all of her in. Marlena moaned deeply in her throat at the nearness they shared in that moment, and she wrapped her arms around John’s neck.
“Wait wait wait,” John said as he broke the kiss. Marlena looked at him, puzzled. “What about Alex?”
“What about him?” Marlena wondered.
“How do you feel about him?”
“I don’t feel anything. I love YOU.”
“You know what he did to you, right? And you’re not going back to him?”
“Yes I know what he did to me, and no, I’m not going back to him John. I’m staying with you. I know he drugged me and hypnotized me, I remember that too,” she explained. “ I love YOU,” she reassured him.
“Only you.”
John was speechless. He smiled a little as he caressed her cheek with his hand. “I love you Marlena.” He pulled her closer to him and kissed her again. He finally trusted the fact that she was really back, she was back completely; not just a little bit or a little while like so many times before.
“I missed you,” he said sincerely.
Marlena nodded. “I know,” she said, resting her forehead against his.
“I know you did, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry baby, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But I do,” she explained. “I’m sorry for all I put you through and for the way I behaved towards you, I’ve been so incredibly mean to you.” She realized it as she said it, and it hurt her so to know how much pain, despair and desperation John must have felt for all this time.
“Doc, it’s okay, it wasn’t really you. It’s alright, I’m not mad at you. Everything will be okay now.”
“It’s not okay John, because not only did I treat you like garbage but I was…” she could barely say it. “I was unfaithful to you.”
“I know,” John said. “I know, but what you did is understandable considering the circumstances. I don’t doubt that you love me.”
“I do. I do love you; I love you more than words can say… And I just missed you so badly when we were held captive in that castle. And every day I saw you on that monitor… With Kate. And I missed you, oh god, I missed you. I just didn’t know what to do, I thought I’d never see you again, and that killed me.” She cried uncontrollably now.
John wiped her tears away. “I know, I missed you too. And the thought of you seeing me with Kate… I just… I can’t even imagine what that felt like. I’m sorry. If I’d thought for a second that you were still alive Doc… I would’ve never moved on with Kate. I’d been out looking for you.”
“I know, I know and that’s why I feel so bad, I knew all the time you were alive, and still I-”
John put his finger on her lips before she could continue. He looked at her for a while and then he said, “I love you.”
Marlena felt a rush of emotions going through her body as he said those words to her so sincerely. She lowered her head, crying, feeling so grateful that he loved her in spite of what she had done to him and what she had put him through.
“I love you Marlena,” he repeated, putting his fingers on her chin, gently bringing her face up. “That’s all that matters.” His fingers grazed across her cheek, stroking her lovingly. “I’ve missed you, and I don’t want to talk more about this right now, I just want to be close to you, to hold you in my arms… I just want to love you. Now that I can, all I want to do is be with you and love you. I know we need to talk about it, just… Not right now.”
Marlena threw her arms around him, holding him for dear life. “I love you and I’m so thankful that you still love me,” she said through tears.
“I just want to say one more thing.” She pulled away from him, facing him. “I’m sorry. I’m SO, so sorry…”
“Baby,” John said, admiring her so. “You already said that.”
“I know, I know… I just… I really am you know, I’m so sorry, I hate myself for putting you through all that pain.”
“I’m okay, especially now that you’re here with me. Really baby, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”
Marlena nodded. “Okay,” she said, on the verge of crying again.
“Come here,” John said as he hugged her to him, embracing her softly, digging his face into her hair, breathing in her scent. Marlena buried her face in his neck, lightly kissing his skin. “Thank god I have you, that you’re here with me.”
“Hm,” Marlena mumbled as she smiled, lost in the feeling of John’s arms around her and his body against hers. She breathed in, “Oh, I love you,” she said as she let the air back out of her lunges.
“I love you,” John assured her, kissing her forehead.
Marlena leaned her head against John’s shoulder, looking up at him, wishing he would bring his lips to hers and devour her in that way he did when he kissed her. He saw it in her eyes as he met them with his own. As he wrapped his arms tighter around her, he rested his forehead against hers as he licked her sweet, delicate lips, only to force her mouth open with his tongue, meeting hers.
“Oh Doc, you have no idea how good it feels to finally have you in my arms,” he said.
“I feel the same way and I feel like we’ve been apart for so long.” She thought back on all the time they had spent away from each other and sighed, blaming herself.
Silence fell upon them as they just enjoyed being close to one another.
“I’m kind of cold, you want to hit the sheets?” John asked playfully.
“I do,” Marlena whispered softly as she giggled, but stopped quite soon and said, “And I want to fall asleep in your arms,” the seriousness obvious in her voice.
“You got it baby,” John replied and gave her a quick kiss before they walked back to the bed. They cuddled under the blankets, Marlena’s head resting on John’s shoulder, their arms wrapped around each other.
Marlena looked up at John. “I truly love you,” she said sincerely. “More than life itself.”
“I love you too Marlena, more than anything in this world. You ARE my world.”
And with that, they fell asleep with smiles on their faces, feeling happier than they had in a long long time.
The Jarlena Journal 