John comes to me in the dead of night. He smells of work, his suit, the way I used to smell when I held a coorporate office many years ago. Good, exciting work. He covers my mouth with his and kisses me out of sleep.
He turns the bedside lamp on after he has woken me. Takes his suit off while I watch, not quite a strip tease, but watching me deliberately. Underneath, his skin smells lovely and masculine and I sit up in our bed and nibble along the hard lines of the muscles in his arm.
Mmm, my husband. I lay beneath him and spread my legs wide. I sigh over and over, his name and how much I love him. He smiles at me, part of him laughing at my seriousness. Loving him is a serious business.
His hands bring my nightdress up, over my body. Over my head. We press together, our bellies moving and throbbing against each other. The pulsebeat of our passion. I can feel his heart.
“John…” I groan against the skin of his neck.
He cries out as I take him in my hand, a little too loudly. We are used to having our house to ourselves.
“Shhh…” I soothe him. “Belle…”
Our daughter Belle, home from school for the weekend just this afternoon, and wouldn’t appreciate the sounds of her parents’ joy. Not since she broke up with Shawn.
“Sorry,” he mutters, but his brow is creased with pleasure.
I snicker and kiss him. He moans again, deeper in his throat this time, and has to move my hand from his penis.
He drops his lips to my right nipple, fills his mouth. Wets it with his tongue, churning over and over, suckling. His face is beautiful and intent in the lamplight. This is good love.
He brings me up sharply, sitting my naked body across his, both arms around my waist, head still cradled in my bosom. I should groan here. Cry out. The silence is strange for us.
I have to bite the back of my hand as he digs his teeth into my nipple. Holds it tight between his teeth for a long, agonising time. Pulls it. My nails bite the back of his neck as I struggle to keep hushed.
He smells so good as we fold back to each other. My nipple tingles and throbs. His tongue is insistent and strong in my mouth, his hands huge and familiar on my ribs. We make such good love, John and I.
I feel faint as he slides inside me. Full and faint, with nowhere near enough air. My head goes back on my neck. His lips are sliding along the line of my throat. All I can hear is the sound of my own breath. I want to cry out this pleasure. It’s begging me to really let it loose.
I give myself to him, handing over my soul in an instant of shattering, pumped bliss. Come down trembling, gasping, sweating. Tears in my eyes.
“Doc …” he mumbles into my mouth. In moments like this I wish he would use my given name. But I can overlook it. Perhaps I’ll mention it later. Perhaps not.
“Love you,” I tell him, over and over again. “Love you, love you, love you-” Punctuated by kisses.
I feel like I am literally melting with pleasure. Rising and falling as he pumps himself in me, feeling like a shaft of hard, liquid heat.
He can’t help himself as he comes. Crying loudly to the sky, eyes wide open, the completion of him.
He is watching me. Seeing how close I am, and it doesn’t take long. I claw his back and bite down. I’m sure it is his shoulder. He loves my moans. Mutters a soft, hissed “Yes,” into my ear.
I feel too much. One moment dark, jagged rocks of passion, flinty and dangerous. The next my body is supple and soft as cotton. Ultraviolet to a lady’s lavender.
Afterward, while I clean his seed from me, he goes to make certain he hasn’t woken Belle. To kiss her. It is strange having our house with child again.
Tonight, we don’t sleep naked either. Curling to my back, one of his knees between mine. So lovely, and I love this man. I truly do. So much I make a vow to myself as I go to sleep. Tomorrow I will not seek out Tony. I will forget about the twins and the feelings they invoke within me.
Of course, I’ve promised this a thousand times, and a thousand times I have gone back on my word. Maybe this time will be different. But irony being what it is, I anticipate failure.
Finis
The Jarlena Journal 